Reminiscences of my Work with Gurdjieff

REMINISCENCES OF MY WORK WITH GEORGES GURDJIEFF

DIANA FAIDY

Published as a means of honoring Diana’s wishes that her story be of use to others

Original typed manuscript digitized by J.I. Humphres

1

CONTENTS Contents Introduction* Prologue History of the formation of the Chicago Gurdjieff Group First Meeting with Mr. Gurdjieff – Winter of 1932 - Chicago Second Meeting – The Night Following Third Meeting – About Two Weeks Later, as I Recall Gurdjieff’s 1934 visit to the Chicago Group - Summer Meeting With Gurdjieff in New York January 1935 Gurdjieff in NY 1935 or 1936 – I am unsure about the year Epilogue Historical Background * Profiles*

2

Introduction*

The text appearance has been retained as nearly as possible to that of Diana’s document as she typed it. The way in which she typed conveyed more than just the words. For example her use of all caps and underlines in certain instances. This introduction and the Historical Background and Profiles sections are not a part of Diana’s document but have been added by the editors.

Josephine Campbell (1899–1983) became a noted modern dancer and choreographer who was professionally known as Diana Huebert. About 1939 or 1940 she married the well known Chicago architect Abel Faidy and her public performances came to an end near that time. No record has been found of any children born from this marriage. Diana became a member of a Chicago Gurdjieff group in 1930 and spent time with Georges Gurdjieff there and in New York on several occasions. According to one group member Diana was still active in the Chicago group in 1952 and was said to be beautiful, quiet and much respected by other members.

Diana’s reminiscences telling about her experiences as a Gurdjieff student were typed, apparently, on a manual typewriter by Diana herself, first in 1974 and then retyped in 1977. Exactly how these pages were given to the Gurdjieff Foundation is not clear. Olgivanna Wright, a student of Georges Gurdjieff, became her 'second teacher in the work', as she puts it, in 1953.

3

PROLOGUE

When I first made the decision to set down in writing as faithfully and vividly as memory allows of those highly personal experiences lived within the orbit of Georges Gurdjieff whom Destiny designated to be my first teacher along the path of inner development, I had no thought that they might reach publication. I set myself the task to record these episodes as a means of clarification and evaluation of Gurdjieff’s role in my life and my growth toward reality.

But as I wrote, it occurred to me that this personal record covering a short time span of a little over three years might in fact add to the legend of Gurdjieff and indeed might have value in that it reveals a specific method of approach which Gurdjieff employed when time was a major factor.

Others

such

as

Ouspensky,

Bennett,

M.

and

Madame

de

Hartman,

Walker,

Nicoll, Nott, Hulme, Anderson, Orage, Popoff and Peters have all told their story. In each case their contact with Gurdjieff covered a wider span time than did mine. In later years however, 20 years after my first 4

meeting with Gurdjieff, a 12 year close association with my second teacher, Mrs. Frank Lloyd Wright, Olgivanna, one of the three women disciples whom Gurdjieff, as I understood, designated to carry on his work, helped to cement the work already begun. Indeed, it was my work with Mrs. Wright, which enabled me to cast off the artificial personality masks which had accumulated over the years. It was through her counsel that I gained perspective and insight into the interior world wherein Gurdjieff had planted seeds for my future development as an objective conscious act which he foreknew were to have later flowering.

Each of the fore-mentioned writers have written of the powerful presence of Gurdjieff, the man. The towering forehead and great dome of the head shorn of hair, arose above fiery black orbs radiating an over-powering consciousness which pierced with a seer’s vision into the interior world of anyone upon whom they rested, laying the soul bare.

Here indeed was a man merited from boyhood for the unique role he was to play on the planet Earth in the all but doomed twentieth century. And, as John Bennett has so profoundly and brilliantly recorded, it is quite possible before the century has run its course, that we may discover that the sage

Gurdjieff

having

squarely

defined

man’s

place

in

Great

Nature’s

scheme, may prove to be an avatar sent from on high to awaken mankind to the responsible role he must assume if the planet Earth is to continue its course in the Cosmos.

It is evident that all those whose destiny it was to personally contact this extraordinary man, who studied his cosmology and precepts, and who made some serious effort to overcome their mechanicality, and to make some headway

in

developing

their

‘higher

being

bodies’,

felt

particularly

blessed, favored by Providence in having encountered in this life a man of so great a stature, no matter what suffering each was called upon to endure in the firing and fashioning of the clay. Each who remained in the work was prepared to bear that painful and inevitable ‘remorse of con5

science’ when due to laziness, inattention or lack of ‘real wish’, a backsliding into sleep overtook him.

Gurdjieff’s work as a teacher assumed many forms depending upon the state of development of the pupil, his actual possibilities for growth, and the time span Gurdjieff had in which to work.

The time Gurdjieff could spend with the Chicago group was limited, thus the initial work of breaking through the crust exposing the personality masks in order to reach the Essence had to be achieved quickly by way of shocks. It was the Master’s task to expose even to the raw those features of the personality which kept the pupil captive bound to the wheel of mechanicality, ignominy and annihilation at death.

Gurdjieff’s first work was to prepare the soil, to expose the stubborn rocks and ugly weeds. Thus his methods were stringent, harsh, uncompromising and catastrophic. He had to risk much to prepare a small plot of ground which eventually when seeded could produce the sacred grain and flower.

Each member of a group who was singled out by the master for a shock, a blow, in the beginning at least was able to survive the barrage. Was he not favored by the complete attention of the Master? Were not these taunts and withering comments directed at his uniqueness although they ostensibly pertained to the negative or destructive features of his nature? A few, it is true who were less bold in nature wished at all cost to avoid an encounter, and as quietly as possible retreated to an anonymous corner. But who could escape from Gurdjieff? Their very timidity exposed them. More than half the time, however, Gurdjieff employed the technique of indirectness. Aiming his verbal onslaught at one person, the message was in truth meant for another, if indeed the other was awake and clever enough to perceive the ruse. In this way some outrageous attack could be accepted if it filtered through another personality. And by this method we were forced to 6

do some serious soul - searching. Could Gurdjieff have aimed this arrow at me? Am I guilty of this defect, this weakness, this crippling mental block?

Some members did not survive the shocks and turned from Gurdjieff forever as a teacher. Others were so badly shaken in the upheaval that it was some time before they were able to confront the weakness which Gurdjieff had attempted to expose and uproot with such force.

Fritz Peters has recounted the story of one couple who followed Gurdjieff to New York shortly after his last visit to Chicago, giving up their jobs and uprooting their lives to continue their work in closer proximity to the Master. Their young daughter of fourteen accompanied them and it is quite possible that their move was prompted in part in order that she at an impressionable age would have this early exposure to Gurdjieff and his work.

Mr. Peters did not relate certain facts bearing on the case. But Gurdjieff was aware of the innermost weaknesses and immaturities of their individual natures which had caused each to take a lover although ostensibly holding the marriage intact.

Thus when Gurdjieff suggested in dead seriousness and with all the innuendo and subtlety of which he was capable that their daughter become his mistress, they being blind to their own inner state were dealt a blow in the area of the erotic by means of the daughter. Their prurient horror of this base suggestion shattered their faith in Gurdjieff as a teacher which was echoed by another couple, members of our group, who were aunt and uncle to the young girl. To my knowledge, the parents were unable to face their reflection in the mirror and never returned to group work after their hasty departure. The second couple I learned later had become members of the theosophical society.

7

It was Fate which decreed that I would be especially privileged beyond that enjoyed by other members of the Chicago group to spend a good deal of time in Gurdjieff’s company. This was due in part to a seasonal lag when I was fairly free of professional obligations on the two longer occasions when Gurdjieff visited us. I was eager to be of service in many small matters and at hand to accompany Gurdjieff on excursions and shopping expeditions. Thus there were more occasions, more time for my person to be under the scrutiny of the Master. It was fairly evident however, that Gurdjieff had taken a special interest in me from the onset, finding perhaps in my particular individuality a high potential for development by means of his work. It may be also that he thought of me as a possible candidate whom he hoped to prepare to carry out one phase of his work in the future. Thus his invitation that I join him in New York.

Before Gurdjieff’s coming our leader Jean Toomer had directed our efforts in two important phases of the work, that of observing the division in the three aspects or ‘bodies’ of our nature, the moving part, the feeling part and the thinking part, and the detecting of the ‘chief feature’ around which the individual bodies (missing unknown word) hovered each battling for supremacy on any given occasion, enslaving the personality side of Man and preventing the slumbering Essence from awakening and developing.

The

separation

of

the

personality

from

essence

which

Gurdjieff

stated

takes place around the age of five years in our present civilization we accepted on faith as factual. It was self-evident that Being, the substance of the Soul develops only by way of Essence growth and Essence growth can only be achieved if the personality clamors are brought into a state of quiescence, even death. This is the sacrifice that all religions require of the aspirant. This is the crucifixion that all those who have entered upon the Path must endure to be reborn, transformed in preparation for the building of a permanent ‘I’- I am One with the Father.

In our observance of the personality masks and in the recognition of the 8

autonomous character of the three sides of our nature, we were enabled to view objectively the split, the divisive state which kept us enslaved. Thus in detaching the ‘inner self’ from this constant battle by the process of ‘non-identification’, essence could be awakened and commence functioning. By observing that ‘it desires, it is motivated, it feels, it thinks’, Real ‘I’ could grow and in time command obedience from all three centers to work as a cohesive Whole in order to achieve Essence aims and growth of Being.

HISTORY OF THE FORMATION OF THE CHICAGO GURDJIEFF GROUP

The Chicago group had had an interesting inception. Both Margaret Anderson and Jane Heap co-editors of the famous LITTLE REVIEW had become ardent supporters of Gurdjieff’s work and philosophy. Mark Turbyfill, a Chicago poet and dancer whose poems had often appeared in the Little Review, and whose long mystical poem A MARRIAGE WITH SPACE was about to be published by Pasval Covici received a letter from Jane Heap in October 1926 in which she spoke of the imminent arrival of Jean Toomer, also a contributor to the Little Review. Mr. Toomer had received Gurdjieff’s permission to instigate the formation of a group in Chicago and become its leader. Jane Heap had spent the summer at the Prieure, Gurdjieff’s INSTITUTE FOR THE HARMONIOUS DEVELOPMENT OF MAN, and while there had encountered Jean Toomer who had just completed a year of intensive training under Gurdjieff.

Upon Jean Toomer’s arrival in Chicago he was met by Mark Turbyfill and Helen Dupee, known to her intimate friends as Yvonne. Yvonne Dupee was known to be an enthusiastic sponsor of little Theatre and Art movements, and was equally attracted to the mystical and the occult. It was Yvonne Dupee who took Jean Toomer and his task of forming a Gurdjieff group in her large embrace, and became in fact the ‘mother’ to the growing membership gathered together mainly through her efforts. The group work began sometime in the early months of the year 1927. 9

I, however, had not made contact with the group until the end of 1930, a year after my return from a three year professional experience in New York to Chicago where I began to seriously build a dance following with classes, lectures and recitals.

While still in New York I had met through Dr. Arnold Genthe, the erudite German ‘father of photography’, the Greek dance artist and mimes, Vassos and Tanagra Kanellos. It was Tanagra Kanellos, when she learned that I was about to commence my artistic life in Chicago, who told me of Yvonne Dupee, a most influential and charming patroness of the arts, to whom she subsequently wrote a letter of introduction which she suggested that I hand to Miss Dupee in person. It was almost a year before I felt free enough to telephone Miss Dupee and arrange a meeting. It was at this fateful first meeting that Miss Dupee told me of the Chicago Gurdjieff group lead by Jean Toomer, author of CANE. I needed little urging to attend the next meeting, and so I had become a dedicated member of the group.

10

FIRST MEETING WITH MR. GURDJIEFF – WINTER OF 1932 - CHICAGO

Our Chicago group was in a state of extreme excitement. Gurdjieff was coming to visit us and thus give direction to our work. The Master himself was taking a personal hand in our destiny and our future growth. We all wondered how we would measure up, each member had secret hopes in this initial encounter with the Master, hopes that a new dimension would be reached, new capabilities discovered, new truths fathomed. But fear was present as well. Fear that Gurdjieff might find the clay of too poor a quality with which to work.

One man, David Fuller, who attended our meetings sporadically, but who had visited and known Gurdjieff at the Prieure asked to be the host for a rather formal reception. We dressed formally, and friends as well as group members were to attend. A few possible patrons were included. Gurdjieff made his appearance in the company of Dr. Stjernvall, a disciple-friend who had accompanied Gurdjieff when the great trek was made out of Russia, years earlier. Both men wore great black overcoats of broad - cloth with black astrakhan collars. Both wore Cossack fur hats to match. They formed a startling pair. Dr. Stjernvall wore the patriarchal beard and mustache, and Gurdjieff sported great handlebar black mustaches whose points directed ones gaze to the great fiery black orbs, flooded with intelligence. Their coats and hats were removed with grace and fine flourish, and the introductions began. When I was introduced to Gurdjieff he studied me carefully, with a rather marked attention, then turned to Dr. Stjernvall remarking

that

I

resembled

Mme---------,

The

name

may

have

been

Mme.

Ostrowska, his deceased wife, whom I learned had also been a blond.

Those who were near enough to Gurdjieff trained eyes and ears to catch any psychological observations he might choose to make. One I learned of later, was made to Berta Ochsner, also a dancer, but who was not a regular 11

member of our group. Gurdjieff studied her closely, then pronounced, “I know shape your other nose, nose below.” Berta’s own nose had been long and pointed, and she had had surgery performed for a more aesthetic proportion. There was a hardly perceptible fine scar at the end. Berta’s answer to this rather outrageous remark was as pointed as her original nose, “how clever of you to know more of my insides than I myself.”

In the main Gurjieff’s behavior was that of the honored guest. His manner was gracious as that of the patriarch surrounded by the clan. He was jovial and sometimes playful with the men who clamored around his person, and he made charming remarks to the women who were somewhat more detached. Withall I felt his serious appraisal of the group. He was evaluating the quality of the clay with which he was to work. I was content to watch him and study his magnificent eyes and his graceful carriage and to note his great stature, his Being, which permeated the entire room.

12

SECOND MEETING – THE NIGHT FOLLOWING

A general meeting had been arranged at the spacious home of Mr. And Mrs. Allen on Michigan Avenue on the near north side for the Chicago group, their friends and prominent people whom it was thought might become interested in Gurdjieff’s work and philosophy. I had invited a number of dancers, my confreres, among them was Mildred Pearce who after the reading commented on the remark made by Gurdjieff in regard to the intent with which I had listened to his words which he said, “revealed the very image of my soul.” This surprised me greatly, since in the fairly large group of some one hundred fifty people, I hardly believed that one person could have stood out. I had no idea that these words had reference to me.

At the end of the reading which consisted of excerpts from Gurdjieff’s manuscript, ALL AND EVERYTHING, or BEELZEBUB’S TALES TO HIS GRANDSON, in paying my respects to Gurdjieff he surprised me by inviting me in his ingratiating oriental manner, and in broken English, to visit him a little later at his hotel suite, saying, “I play music just for you.” Highly pleased and inwardly charmed to be thus singled out, I thanked him, agreeing to come, thinking that other group members would also be invited. But later in speaking to Jean Toomer, our group leader, I learned that he had not been invited, nor had any others that I could discover. This turn of events startled me and set up a chain of inner conflicts. Thinking that Gurdjieff may have been attracted to me personally, even erotically, I suffered grave misgivings. For two years as a member of Gurdjieff’s Chicago group I had heard tales of this extraordinary man, of his heroic exploits, his mastership of esoteric knowledge and his wizardry in reading and directing the soul state of those who crossed his path. My soul harbored visions of the spiritual growth to be reached under the guidance of so great a teacher, of the challenges to be met and the obstacles to be overcome. Already deeply moved by Gurdjieff’s arrival and overwhelmed by his presence, I feared emotional involvement, conscious of my woman’s sus13

ceptibility to the erotic. Wishing the relationship between master and disciple to remain on high platonic ground, untainted and untroubled I decided to avoid any possible danger, by canceling the appointment.

To the knowing teacher, this decision to be sure, in retrospect, revealed my vulnerability. It also revealed that I was not ‘pure of heart,’ and therefore suspicious. Bit it also indicated an essence wish for an ideal relationship between teacher and disciple.

I telephoned Gurdjieff’s hotel and in asking for his suite, learned that I was talking with his niece who was part of his entourage. In some embarrassment I told her of the situation. She assured me that it was all right to come. “By all means to keep the appointment.” But having made my decision, I left my regrets. The next morning I was shocked and dismayed to learn that Gurdjieff, who had planned to stay with the Chicago group for at least three weeks, had changed his plans and returned with his entire entourage in haste to New York, no one knew the reason.

14

THIRD MEETING – ABOUT TWO WEEKS LATER, AS I RECALL

A few days later our group was informed that we were to expect Gurdjieff’s return on a certain day. Our group meetings had been held at my studioliving quarters, and we prepared to receive him there. I was happy in his prospective return and was gratified that it lay within my power to provide a suitable setting for his work and his person. Fortunately, the appointments in my studio were entirely oriental in key. A long sideboard was strung with a Japanese runner the entire length. Its pattern was an all over geometrical design, the colors were slate and gold. A very fine gold Buddha with attached halo rested upon a gold wooden stand composed of stacked carved frames, five in all. It was centered on the sideboard between twin lamps whose bases were formed of oxblood vases with matching canopied shades. A clay statue of a Chinese court lady formed the base of a small lamp resting upon a black desk. A fourth lamp whose base was formed from a Chinese column vase in off - white with matching shade rested upon a low circular black table backed by a two - paneled Japanese screen of silver-leaf squares, the squares bordered by a black - lacquered wood frame. A Tibetan painting consisting of the heads of saints was the only wall decoration. Seven oriental rugs were strewn on the floor. (They had been borrowed for the occasion from my indulgent landlady.) The furniture and drapes were black except for two chairs upholstered in a bright Chinese red.

I as hostess greeted Gurdjieff, inwardly disturbed and apprehensive, looking covertly for a cue as to his reaction to my refusal to visit him. He acknowledged my greeting graciously and quietly, but he gazed at me silently with a look of deep hurt, so marked that I was stricken with remorse for my previous conclusion as to his motives in inviting me.

Jean Toomer and others took turns reading from BEELZEBUB’S TALES TO HIS GRANDSON, with interruptions from time to time by Gurdjieff who wished to 15

stress certain ideas. After the reading I served wine and light refreshments. I personally offered a glass to Gurdjieff, but he shook his head and thanked me, but again his long silent gaze engulfed me. Members of the group crowded around him, some were emboldened to pose a question, but Gurdjieff in top form moved among the members, making keen observations about this or that personality. These observations were so fitting the we all realized that his ‘work’ with us had already begun. The stripping away of the ‘personality masks’ was the first task he set himself, in order to uncover the ‘essence’ if indeed there was any essence at all to lay bare. Gurdjieff, in taking leave spoke of the beauty and atmosphere of my studio. His appreciation and gracious words relieved to a degree my heavy spirits, but remorse of conscience remained until our next meeting.

The following morning with some trepidation I visited Gurdjieff in the early morning at Childs restaurant at Van Buren and State streets. Dr. Stjernvall was seated with Gurdjieff at a table, streams of customers passed to and fro. It was the custom to await Gurdjieff’s recognition before seating oneself at his table. After a little while, Gurdjieff who had been writing, looked up, nodded to me and pointed to a chair. He then made some observations to Dr. Stjernvall evidently about me. Rather startling ones: “She – all spoiled - Emotional – Body – masturbation. She already spoiled.” For those who have not read Gurdjieff’s own writings and those of some of his disciples, it will be recalled that any excessive or wrong use of energies of the three bodies, mental, emotional or instinctual, Gurdjieff termed ‘masturbation’ or wasteful. I was not to learn further about this pronouncement until a year later when a fuller explanation was given.

I had had no particular question of burning significance when I decided to visit Gurdjieff at Childs, which as he said, was ‘his office’ where any one of the group could join him for coffee and question him. I had wanted to be in his presence as much as possible, and to pay him deference and to indicate in some way the remorse I felt. But it was as if the episode had 16

never occurred, and that he was meeting me for the first time. Gurdjieff was moot, and kept on writing and now and again made some remark in Russian to Dr. Stjernvall who shortly departed. I remained seated quietly, studying Gurdjieff when able to do so without him being aware of too close a scrutiny. He was absorbed in his writing, now and again looking off into space as though trying to capture a thought or a phrase in which to couch it. I was completely ignored. The silence, the lack of communication suddenly became heavy and oppressive. I finally blurted out, “Mr. Gurdjieff, I think your observation right but mostly emotional center spoiled.” He looked up startled as though taken unaware by my unlooked for agreement. He grunted and said “Why you not order coffee?” I thanked him but suggested that others would be seeking him out, and indeed two members were already approaching the table. Thinking they would want privacy I made my departure.

A group meeting was held at the palatial home of Mara Biggs, one of our members, the wife of Joseph Biggs, the head of an old and established catering firm of that name. Mrs. Biggs served a number of exquisite dishes, more of the luncheon variety, topped by a dessert of individual molds of ice cream in variegated hues, coffee and liqueurs. I had expected that for a dinner honoring Gurdjieff, that a roast sucking pig or at most a quarter of roasted lamb would have been appropriate and in order, since it was known

that

Gurdjieff

was

a

superb

cook

and

lavish

host.

I

looked

at

Gurdjieff in dismay that he was quite innocently to be subjected to this elegant party food. He caught my expression completely and one eye closed and quickly opened, a veritable wink. Gurdjieff sat at Mr. Biggs’ right hand, the place of honor, Mr. Biggs at the head of the table and Mrs. Biggs at the foot. I must record that Gurdjieff’s manners were impeccable in this rather courtly formal atmosphere. On this occasion he allowed Mr. Biggs the role of host.

After the repast we adjourned to the elegantly appointed living room. Again Beelzebub’s Tales to his Grandson were read by various members, and 17

again Gurdjieff enlivened the reading with his personal comments. We all felt that this palatial home a splendid setting for the Master surrounded by his eager disciples, and were indeed grateful to Mr. And Mrs. Biggs for their gracious hospitality. We had learned that Mrs. Biggs was the proud owner of one of the manuscript copies of ALL AND EVERYTHING. Upon acquiring it Mrs. Biggs requested of Mrs. Frank Lloyd Wright that one of the young architects at Taliesin undertake a cover design for the protection and enrichment of this large volume.

*I wrote these memoirs in July of 1974, and at this re-typing of June of 1977, I report that I am now the happy owner of this veritable treasure. Maria Biggs, my friend of forty-five years who has reached the venerable age of 95 bestowed it upon me recently. Only 102 copies of this typewritten manuscript had been reproduced.

It may have been on the latter occasion that I was again invited to Mr. Gurdjieff’s

hotel

to

hear

him

play

his

music

on

the

harmonium.

Dr.

Stjernvall was the only other guest. It must be recalled that I had been introduced to Gurdjieff as a concert dance artist. The melodies he played covered a wide range, varying from Eastern folk songs and Temple dances to the plaintive nostalgic songs of the heart singing of sorrow and loss, or of the soul immersed in prayer. Each melody penetrated deeper into my breast until heart and soul were flooded. Finally the emotional burden became so great, and so ardent was my desire to express all of this feeling in movement that I burst out, “Oh, if only I could dance to this divine music.” Gurdjieff said, “Then dance – dance.” But I who was encased in a tight fitting dress felt encumbered, and I did not want my movement to be compromised. I spoke of my inappropriate attire. Gurdjieff said, “Then strip – strip off - dance nude.” I wanted to dance and especially for Gurdjieff. But I was mortified, knowing that to strip off my dress leaving me in a slip was equally inappropriate, and to dance in Nature’s garb unless reverence were present, truly only a vehicle designed to arouse the erotic. Since Dr. Stjernvall had joined Gurdjieff in urging me to dance I 18

felt that I was being ‘baited.’ I wanted to dance, but I was ashamed to dance because of the irreverent turn the urging had taken. I also felt lowered, as though my instinctive desire to respond to Gurdjieff’s music had been misunderstood. Was this Gurdjieff’s way of bringing to consciousness the conflict raging between the different “I’s?” I was not happy in the denouement, I felt it a waste that this magnificent music and my high emotion were left unexpressed. But I was left with a feeling of inner disquiet. I felt that the master had used the circumstances and the occasion to point out a defect in my nature, that he knew wherein my house was divided and was bringing it to my consciousness. Could it be that my soul yearned for purity of vision, but that the erotic side of my nature wished for attachment – involvement?

19

GURDJIEFF’S 1934 VISIT TO THE CHICAGO GROUP - SUMMER

Our Chicago group learned that Gurdjieff would pay us an extended visit and requested that we find him a furnished apartment located conveniently where he could prepare luncheons and dinners for our members. Fred Leighton found an apartment on Superior Street close to Michigan Avenue, an ideal location. The furnished apartment needed extensive cleaning, since it had not been occupied for some time. Since I was fairly free of professional commitments at the time, I volunteered to do the cleaning and put it in shape for our teacher’s requirements. I had three days time only and worked continuously ten hours a day. I don’t recall having a vacuum cleaner, thus accomplished all with broom and carpet sweeper and pails of suds and water. I envisioned Gurdjieff running his hand over sills and doors, and mad sure that every nook and corner contained no dust. My labor was indeed a labor of love. I had not engaged in such house cleaning in all the 34 years of my life taken all together.

The

other

women

agreed

to

prepare

the

dinner

on

the

first

night,

A

Gurdjieffien type dinner, and the men as a body met Gurdjieff at his train. I had been working up to the very last and had to return to my apartment some blocks away to bathe and dress. On arriving home I began to experience discomfort and soon learned that the menses had arrived prematurely due to the great physical strain of the past few days. When I returned I found that all the members were seated at the long dining table, Gurdjieff at the head. The master greeted me, “Oh Miss Huebert, you finally come? We wait dinner for you. You to sit in place of honor,” and he indicated the chair on his left. This deference and honor were entirely unexpected, a great surprise. I had no thought that Gurdjieff would make inquiry “who clean and make ready apartment for me?””” I glowed with happiness and pleasure. Gurdjieff continued to shower me with attention, and ‘my cup runneth over.’

20

After dinner, the women cleaned up and I was ushered into the living room. But I soon found that I was in a great distress and pain. The reading from Beelzebub was about to begin. I was seated opposite to Gurdjieff on a large upholstered couch at one end, trying to so position myself that less strain would fall upon the abdomen. I very slowly settled back into the corner cushions and raised my legs slightly from the floor, so that I was in a half-sitting, half-reclining position. I felt a little relief when Gurdjieff sprang to his feet and in regal anger shouted “HOW DARE YOU SIT THIS WAY IN MY PRESENCE?” I was crushed, annihilated, less humiliated than appalled that I had given offense, and had apparently shown disrespect for our teacher. I jerked myself erect and listened with downcast sorrowful eyes to the reading which had already begun, so lost in mental suffering that my body pains were no longer felt.

After the reading I decided to make my departure, approached Gurdjieff, assured him that I meant no disrespect and begged to take leave. He looked at me curiously, but said nothing. I retired to get my coat and went to the front door where to my astonishment I found Gurdjieff waiting. I again assured him of my respect for him and told hm that I had been suffering great pain, due to menses brought on by physical effort. (I thought it best that the Master know the facts.) He looked at me kindly and gently took one of my hands and said, “Better in this case, that you excuse yourself and lie down for time.” My contracted heart leapt to life again. I gazed at Gurdjieff in gratitude for his paternal compassionate gesture. The Master understood all – he had seen the pain in my heart.

A night or two later when seated at the dinner table, again on Gurdjieff’s left, he suddenly turned to me and in his most ingratiating manner, and elaborating in much detail he said, “Miss Huebert, for long time I been studying you – I much puzzled – it take me much more time to solve - but finally I put all together and now I know about you – it all clear – it was strange thing in your personality it has to do with centers:

21

“Your instinctive, moving center DEAD – ALL USED UP.” “Your emotional center, ALMOST DEAD – ALMOST USED UP.” “Your mental center, STILL INTACT – HARDLY USED AT ALL.”

“NOT YOUR FAULT that moving center used up. Fault of your upbringing – your elders. When still young, still growing, you exposed to much physical and nervous strain when young girl needed rest. NOT YOUR FAULT. I AM SORRY FOR THAT."

This was a bomb shell which had descended upon me. I, a dancer, who needed above all a body with energy and strength for performance. I took this heaven pronouncement as Gospel truth. I pondered over it long, worried a great deal. Long afterwards it came to me that this may have been a warning, that I must economize instinctive and emotional centers. I must not allow them to become dissipated. This is what Gurdjieff had meant a year ago when he said "emotional and body ALL SPOILED.” My mental center began to function with readings of philosophical works, works to which I was naturally drawn, and which I used as an inspiration for some of my dance themes.

The astounding thing was that Gurdjieff had penetrated my background, my earlier formative years. I had told no one in the group any of the facts. My father had had two leisure activities in which he took much pleasure. One was his violin playing in which I accompanied him on the piano, and the other was as a dancing professor, having grace of body and delight in dance movement, he taught two private clubs the social dances then in vogue such as the Maxixe and the Tango. Needing an apartment in which to demonstrate the various movements he called upon both my sister and myself, still in our early teens. We were therefore kept up until midnight twice in the mid-week because after the lesson we served as partners for some of the unattached men in the classes. Since I had strong muscles I prided myself on guiding my partners through the various steps, but I accomplished this by a concentration of muscular strength, as a tour de 22

force, with great expenditure of energy. I recall falling to sleep in my English class in High school around two 0-‘clock on those days following the midnight hours. How had Gurdjieff discerned the precise circumstances? The above episode tied in with another observation Gurdjieff made which indicated his keen perception. One time when he had my complete attention he stood rather formally before me and went through a rather elaborate gesture of lifting his foot from the ground and pointing it even as a dancing master might have done as part of a dance step. This amazed me greatly because it was the exact gesture my father often made when standing in front of one of his classes. Evidently while standing or sitting, I must have made a somewhat similar gesture completely unconsciously, of course. But Gurdjieff’s wizardry continued to astonish us all.

After one of the dinners prepared by Gurdjieff for our group, the women as was the custom repaired to the kitchen to clean up and put all in order, while the men retired to the living room for a smoke. A long hallway separated the dining room from the living room. On this occasion a young woman was returning the glassware to a cabinet which adjoined the long hallway. She failed to close the doors to the cabinet, and had not proceeded two steps when the thunderous voice of Gurdjieff burst upon us all. “SHUT THOSE DOORS.” The young woman had frozen in her steps, but after recovery returned to the cabinet and meekly closed the doors. She admitted to us later that this ‘shock’ administered by Gurdjieff so awakened her awareness of self that in all her work involving ‘moving center’ she became aware of her movements. At that time she was employed as a maid in a hotel and one of her duties was to make beds. She had often been corrected by a supervisor for her shoddy work, but these admonitions had made no impression on her thought it meant a job loss. She continued to dream away. Her entire attitude towards any work changed after this.

Gurdjieff informed us one day that he was to receive Mr. And Mrs. Frank Lloyd Wright for dinner and an overnight visit at his apartment, and that we were to participate in the event. This announcement engendered consid23

erable excitement because we had heard much about Olgivanna Wright who had joined Gurdjieff and his work in Tiflis at the time Gurdjieff had brought 450 of his followers over the Caucasus from Russia into Turk into safety. It was known that she and Mme. Ostrowska, Gurdjieff’s wife were the two finest performers of his so called ‘movements’ and dances. We had heard other tales from Americans who had visited the Prieure as to Olgivanna’s work ability and of the economy and fitness of her acts and speech. Here was an opportunity to observe and learn from one who was an exemplar.

Gurdjieff had spent many hours in the kitchen in preparation for this special dinner. We gathered at the apartment around seven in the evening. The Wrights were expected about eight o‘clock. But it had started to rain and very soon the skies were flooded and there seemed to be no let-up. Eight o’clock arrived, then nine o’clock but as yet there was no sign of the Wrights. Gurdjieff repaired to the kitchen a number of times to be certain that the dinner was kept hot. At nine-thirty the doorbell rang and I hurried to receive the Wrights. Their coats were, and they both looked somewhat strained and frazzled after their five-hour drive from Taliesen in Wisconsin. Gurdjieff appeared and in his suave oriental and most ingratiating manner welcomed them exclaiming: “We all wait dinner for you, our most honored guests. Now we can sit down to special prepared feast. All was kept hot.”

FLW

"Sorry Mr. Gurdjieff, had my dinner, Dined at Taliesen. Always eat a

certain hour – have stomach trouble – lots of gas.” G

Showing great consternation, “You not wait for dinner here? – Special

dinner prepared just for you? You, honored guest – You drive 5 hours, time to eat again, special dinner.”

FLW

“Nope, never eat after dinner – sorry – will sit with you at dinner

and talk.”

24

Mr. Gurdjieff continued to remonstrate as the Wrights were ushered into the dining room. Gurdjieff seated Mr. W. at his right, and Olgivanna sat on FLW’s right. The salad bowls were already placed in position. Gurdjieff spoke of the special salad dressing he had prepared. “Very good to start digestive juices. Mr. W. you eat salad good for your stomach. I know, I great physician I know chemistry of body. This is just right for you.”

FLW

G

“Nope, wouldn’t dare eat it, it would upset me for an entire night.”

“This sauce I prepare is for kings, special ingredients, this sauce

a symphony of flavors. Only I can make. You taste only.”

FLW

G

“Nope, sorry, wouldn’t dare.”

Now showing exasperation and seemingly much angered.

"I COME FROM EAST – GUEST IS MUCH HONORED PERSON. HOST MUST PREPARE BEST FOOD – YOU HONORED GUEST, BUT YOU NOT HONOR HOST – I PREPARE FOR YOU, BUT YOU NOT HONOR ME."

This burst of anger startled Frank Lloyd Wright into an awareness of Gurdjieff’s feelings as host, so abandoning his inflexible position and his preoccupation with his digestive troubles he compromised to the extent of saying. “To please you, I will taste the sauce.”

Gurdjieff beamed happily, and FLW continued to taste and to eat the salad. The armor had been pierced and FLW said. “Yes the sauce is good, it may create gas – I manufacture so much gas that the generator at Taliesen could be run with it.”

G

Responding in kind – “Why Mr. Wright, I also produce gas.” He demon-

strated with a roll of guttural blurbs. "Why I could produce enough gas to run the whole World’s Fair.”

We had all been amused with this exchange, this play of wills, and mascu25

line humour. We were amazed at the outcome. I had glanced at Mrs. W. and saw that she was greatly tensed. This was the first meeting between her teacher and her lord-husband. It had taken her three years to achieve this meeting between the two men who had helped shape her life. Both men masters in their own rights.

Gurdjieff now served the main dish. As I recall it was a succulent goulash, laced with condiments, whiffs of whose aromatic herbs for over two hours had tantalized our nostrils and whetted our appetites. FLW ate it without being urged.

After dinner in the living room FLW said, “Now Mr. G. I am not interested in your philosophy, but I am interested in your music – Olgivanna has played some of it for me on the piano. I would like to hear you play on your harmonium.”

Gurdjieff still beaming took out his harmonium and played a great range of melodies which wrung our hearts and penetrated to our very essences.

Olgivanna Wright previously as a matter of course had come to the kitchen to help. I remonstrated, saying that she had so little time to be with Gurdjieff. She smiled but shook her head, “There will be time enough.”

I was not to know the outcome of this meeting until twenty years later when Olgivanna Wright whom I had sought out in 1953 became my guide, my second teacher in the work.

Mrs. Wright told me the facts: During the night around 2 a.m. Mr. Wright awakened with violent pains, moaning and cursing Gurdjieff, his devilish oriental dishes, his wife’s insistence the he meet with Gurdjieff, and cursing his fate in general. Mrs. Wright desperate and wrought up herself by this disastrous turn of affairs found a hot water bottle and after about two hours Mr. Wright had 26

some relief. Mrs. Wright told me that this was the first time in all the seven years she had known Gurdjieff that she had doubts about her teacher. She was appalled at the result.

At 8 o’clock the next morning Mrs. Wight was shaken out of a fretful sleep with a cheery “Good morning Mother, wake up and prepare me a breakfast of bacon and eggs. I feel wonderful.”

The master had been successful. The various condiments and herbs he had employed had stirred up the gall bladder, inflamed it to be sure, but had forced it to empty its contents. Gurdjieff had carefully inquired as to FLW’s symptoms when he had talked with Mrs. Wright before their coming. He had planned it all. That is the reason that he had to employ any and all desperate means to get FLW to eat his “special dishes.”

Mrs. Wright told me that Gurdjieff had affected a permanent cure. The congestion and blockage of the gall-bladder which had caused so much discomfort never reoccurred. From then on Gurdjieff and FLW were firm friends. At the time of Gurdjieff’s death FLW delivered a memorial address at unity Church in Madison, Wisconsin which he had designed. His opening words were to this effect. “We are here to pay homage to a great man, the greatest man who has lived in this century.”

On the above occasion Mrs. Wright told me that she remembered me very well. That I was the only woman whom she had remembered. This early recognition of my individuality surprised me. Coming from my revered second teacher it also pleased me very much. Mrs. Wright related how she had achieved this meeting. For three years she had made many efforts to bring these great men together. But FLW had been jealous of her association with Gurdjieff and had always avoided the encounter. One day Mrs. Wright said to him in a reflective and coaxing manner, “Frank, wherever we have gone, all over the world, you have always been first, WOULDN’T IT BE AN INTERESTING EXPERIENCE FOR YOU TO BE SECOND?” FLW’s response, 27

“WHY YES MOTHER, I THINK THAT COULD BE AN INTERESTING EXPERIENCE.”

Gurdjieff wished to visit the Worlds Fair and he asked me to accompany him. I was very happy to do so, thinking it a privilege to be near at hand should he voice his thoughts concerning the exhibits. I met him at his apartment and we walked to the elevated-subway. He paid the fares and I preceded him, sitting on one of the side seats close to the entrance door. He sat down beside me, but almost immediately sprang up and crossing the aisle, sat in the side seat opposite. This strange rather bizarre behavior startled me. It looked as though Gurdjieff didn’t wish to fall into the usual man-woman relationship, the man squiring the woman. This behavior I didn’t accept an affront to my womanhood, nor to the conventional courtesies. I was so amused by it that I had to turn my head to gaze out the window, my hand raised to my face to hide a smile. Gurdjieff continued to regard the advertising, and now and again would extract nuts from his coat pocket,

throw

them

into

his

mouth,

and

crunch

away

with

considerable

noise. I felt however that Gurdjieff was aware of all my reactions.

Arriving at the Fair grounds, Gurdjieff paid the entrance fees and immediately discovered a billboard giving the location and directions to the various exhibits and the mechanical exhibits demonstrating the new machines

connected

with

industry.

We

found

these

displays

and

Gurdjieff

looked around for a vendor or a small consignment which might have nuts for sale. We found nothing, and turning to me he said, “Misa Huebert, you think you can find?” I thought surely this was no great problem and accepted the 50 cents he offered me. He said he would remain at the exhibits.

I walked around for two or three blocks, finding neither a machine or vendor. I despaired. But close by I saw an Oriental rug display and thinking the proprietor might be able to direct me I entered the pavilion. The rugs were on exhibit but no one was in sight. I moved to one end where I noticed a small office, and entering came upon two oriental gentlemen smok28

ing

the

water

pipe

and

drinking

Turkish

coffee.

The

proprietor

arose

thinking I was a customer. I soon dispelled this idea telling them that I was in the company of a great oriental sage, a philosopher who very much craved nuts. Could they direct me? They assured me that nuts were not to be found except at the restaurants many blocks distant. I did not want to disappoint Gurdjieff and was emboldened to request of them that they accommodate this great man and sell me a few of their own store. They looked at each other in wonderment, but finally the proprietor nodded and went to a cabinet, took out a jar filled with almonds, and scattered some on a paper. Thanking him for his courtesy I left the 50 cents on the table and hurried back to Gurdjieff, handling him the almonds triumphantly. He studied the opened paper containing the almonds, almonds of the finest quality, and said, “Where you find?” I told him the whole story. He shook his head in some doubt saying. “Naive you naïve Miss Huebert.” He shoved the nuts into his pocket after offering me a few.

Gurdjieff had received an invitation from Mr. And Mrs. Wright to visit them and the Taliesen fellowship for as long a period as he could spare from his work with us. Gurdjieff decided to go fro one week, so on the following Sunday morning at 8 o’clock our entire Chicago group gathered at the old Polk street station to see him off. About 50 minutes remained before the train pulled out and everyone hoped to have a few private words with the Master. Gurdjieff approached me and said, “Miss Huebert, I not take time to purchase herbs before trip – I need badly – I will cook for fellowship every – day I cannot cook without herbs. Will you do great favor for me and find before train leave?”

Time was precious. I had about fifty cents in my purse besides carfare. I did not wish to ask Gurdjieff for money, so I said, “I will try.” He cautioned me, “You must have before train leaves.”

Anyone who knows that part of Chicago will have an idea of the hazards I was up against. It is an industrial section, thus on a Sunday morning res29

taurants would not be opened. A grocery store without clients would hardly be opened, if indeed any such existed at all. I practically ran the entire time, first away from the railroad environs, then passing factories and small businesses. Everything appeared shabby, there was no life whatsoever. I then ran up and down the side streets and must by now have gone a half mile from the station

Finally I saw a small corner restaurant, Greek to be sure. I ran to the kitchen where the owner was making his morning coffee. He looked at me as though I were a ghost. I blurted out my story, “ A Greek philosopher, our teacher was waiting at the station for his train. All of his pupils were there to see him off. He is to visit a very famous host and his wife and since he is an accomplished cook he will do some of the cooking but he needs some Greek herbs, would you supply a few?

This good man went to his shelf, found a small bag and sprinkled various herbs from a number of jars, mixing them all together. I poured out my thanks, left him the 50 cents, and again ran the entire way back to the station. I had great fear that I had missed Gurdjieff, that I had failed him in this small task. But, no, as I approached the station, I saw the group still gathered around the Master, his head towering over theirs, looking for some sign of my return. I was grateful for his concern. I panted up to him and handed him the small bag. He looked at it in wonderment, “What you find?” I said “yea, but they are all mixed together.” He looked again at the bag in disbelief, and then with a grunt of satisfaction stuffed it into his pocket. The train was coming. Gurdjieff gracefully swung himself aboard, and waved to us as the pulled away. I was hearbroken to see him go. How I wished that I could have accompanied him. I had no glimpse into the future and could never have fathomed that 20 years later that I too would be traveling along this same route to Taliesin, and that I would be making this trip by train or by car over a hundred times to be with Mrs. Wright my second teacher.

30

There is an aftermath to this story. I learned the details 20 years later from one of the members of the Taliesin fellowship when I told him of the task Gurdjieff had given me. He laughed uproariously and said, “Why Mrs. Faidy, Gurdjieff brought with him an entire satchel of herbs, herbs of every kind from all over the world.”

I also would like to relate an episode which concerns Mrs. Wright, although this episode might well be included in her memoirs. She told it to me herself.

“After Gurdjieff had prepared his first meal at Taliesin, it was a luncheon, a meeting had been set up for the entire fellowship to meet with Gurdjieff in the large family living room where he would talk to them and excerpts from Beelzebub would be read. All gathered as planned and sat in circles at the feet of the Master, there must have been at least 70. Mrs. Wright

was

talking

with

Gurdjieff

while

each

found

his

place.

When

Gurdjieff began to talk with the group, Mrs. Wright thought that this would be a splendid opportunity to catch up on some of her own work, work long neglected, especially since the readi9ng would be a repetition for her, and without anyone noticing (so she thought) she disappeared through a side door. After 2 hours time she thought she had better return before the reading was quite over. She slipped back through the same side door and was about to take a seat when Gurdjieff said, “Well Olgivanna, now that you are here, we can begin the reading.” Gurdjieff had kept everyone enthralled for two hours, but the reading was not to start without the presence of the hostess, the mistress of Taliesin. Mrs. Wright told me she had learned her lesson.

Gurdjieff had brought with him from New York about 200 copies of his paperbound book The Herald of Coming Good, which had recently come off the press. He had written it in the form of an enlarged ‘prospectus’ expounding his principles, his precepts and his aims for re-establishing his school at the Prieure, Fontainebleau, France. He anticipated its wide dis31

tribution by all of his former pupils, present adherents and interested people in general with sufficient funds raised in this manner to underwrite the publication of his great work. ALL AND EVERYTHING OR BEELZEBUB’S TALES TO HIS GRANDSON.

I had obtained a copy of it and had read it within a day or two so ardent was I to contact his thoughts and plans. I was however, hardly prepared to answer a serious question Gurdjieff put to me a few days after his arrival. He asked my opinion if I found anything objectionable in it that might cause him to withhold it from a public distribution. I realized the serious import of such a decision and the far-reaching effect it would have. I reflected a few moments then ventured a few remarks. I said that I hardly felt competent to utter an opinion. That I had some reservation about his activity as a professional hypnotist being understood by those who had not as yet contacted his ideas and work. That certainly all of his disciples would encompass that phase of his search and his work. This was in 1934 it must be recalled, when the practice of hypnotism was not a standard method of treatment, and when the charlatan was apt to participate in fraudulent schemes by this method. Gurdjieff listened to me carefully, and it was a day or two later after having had conferences with some of the men in our group whose opinions he respected that he made the decision to destroy all of those volumes. They had been stored in my studio before distribution and Gurdjieff gave me the solemn task of personally burning them in my incinerator. I was appalled at the task, but of course would faithfully follow his decision. Before taking leave of him I gathered up enough courage to say, “Mr. Gurdjieff, I possess nothing at all of your writings, and I request that I be permitted to withhold a copy for myself. I will treasure it. Mr. Gurdjieff studied me long – and then smiled. He did knot give me verbal permission, but I felt that my request had been granted.

On one occasion, at the termination of a meeting, one of our male members, who had been following the lore of planetary configurations approached 32

Gurdjieff who was standing at one side and in some trepidation broached the subject of the horoscope and its influence upon the life, hoping for an opportune moment to elicit from Gurdjieff the all important natal data of the Master. As I recall, Gurdjieff smiled enigmatically, observing that astrology was a long lost art, tho truths known practiced in the Babylonian times, that only fragments remained.

Only recently when talks as remembered by his Russian students came to print,

did

his

definitive

statement

concerning

the

horoscope

come

to

light. The horoscope Gurdjieff said was ‘our limitation.’ In lieu of ‘the work’ it might be considered a blue print of those subjective traits, inherent weaknesses which must be transformed by way of conscious effort in order to realize a larger more objective frame of reference, a cosmology which could embrace all 12 signs of the zodiac. Only then when the ego is free of its highly personal eccentricities might it be said that the Essence has grown in stature and approaches the Godhead.

Some time during Gurdjieff’s stay after noticing a number of food stains which had accumulated on his vest and coat, I wanted to supply him with some kind of cover-all to be used while preparing our meals. I could not visualize Gurdjieff in an ordinary butchers apron. His Being and his presence required a more formal, professional uniform. My European doctor had worn a black alpaca coat, similar to that worn by the Rabbi, and I thought that this would be acceptable to Gurdjieff.

I approached him on the subject and he was touched by my concern but said that he allowed the stains to remain intentionally, ‘intentional suffering” because by nature he was fastidious of dress and person. “I do this to oppose slavish fastidiousness.’ This was an object lesson for me and others. Tho Master was continuously using every means as a reminding factor. ‘Work on inherent mechanicality.’

On a number of occasions Gurdjieff asked me to accompany him on shopping 33

expeditions. I remember that we found a Greek grocery on West Chicago Avenue where the proprietor was asked to kill two chickens freshly while we waited. We also found Greek Yaourti and Rose Jam, that delicious jam made in Greece from Rose petals. The aroma was unmistakable. It brought back memories of my Greek trip made in the summer of 1932.

Gurdjieff asked me if I could find a wooden bowl for his use in making salad. I had to go to many stores before I found one. When presenting it to him, he grasped it in such a way that I knew that he was experiencing instinctive, sensitive nature consciously. This awareness made an impression upon me.

Upon Gurdjieff’s return from his visit with Mr. And Mrs. Wright, he stayed at the apartment of Max and Shirley Grove, two of our members, for a few days, preparing dinners for the group in their kitchen. Gurdjieff asked me if I would be free to help him. And if so to come ‘early in morning.’ As soon as I made my appearance Gurdjieff asked me if I knew the kind of vegetables that he liked ‘to prepare salad.’ “You know exactly what kind I use, Miss Huebert?” I assured him that I did. I found all the vegetables that he generally used, but noticed some luscious red radishes. I thought that Gurdjieff might be pleased with this addition. Upon my return in sorting out the vegetables he started to swear in Russian, a veritable stream of invectives, and in great anger and in disgust threw both bunches of radishes to the floor. “You stupid, you not observe.” And more swearing in Russian. I was aghast, so vehement was his anger. To be sure I had diverged from explicit directions. I was sound asleep. I did not fathom until long afterwards the reason why Gurdjieff never included radishes in his salad.

It was Gurdjieff’s custom to make a great deal of salad, so that it could be used on the next or even the following day. The dressing acted as a marinade and always tasted fresh. One day I myself had some left over salad, which however had contained radishes. I found that the radishes had 34

deteriorated over night and had spoiled the remaining salad greens.

After his cooking preparations were complete. Gurdjieff retired, as was his custom to his bedroom for an hours rest. I myself was very sleepy since it was a particularly hot and humid day, and asked Gurdjieff if I might rest on the living room sofa. “Of course you rest, rest one hour.” I fell asleep immediately and after a sound sleep was suddenly alerted by a noise, and set up, hardly knowing where I was. As I was getting my bearings, I noticed Gurdjieff staring at me with astonishment. “SO THAT IS WHAT YOU ARE.” It was Gurdjieff’s emergence from his room, which had awakened me, and he had had a glimpse of my Essence, before I had had an opportunity to assume any mask. I think Gurdjieff was pleased with what he saw.

At dinner that night Gurdjieff told us a story, He spoke of the ‘night scavengers’ those lowly men who had the abysmal and sordid task in the dead of night, I believe this was in Persia, of gathering the human excrement from the out-houses, packing it in bags or skins and carrying it away on their shoulders.

He drew a parallel of the shifting contents of the bag and the various contours thus formed during the labored walk to the ‘shifting nature’ of one of our women members. ‘One who had no direction, who change with the wind, and who has no aim. This was directed at one we all honored and loved. It was to this woman one went if anyone had a special problem to talk over. We were all abashed, and a little horrified.

It may be that Gurdjieff did aim his shaft at this woman and the circumstances of her life might have confirmed this appraisal. She had come from an old Chicago family of some wealth and status. The wealth had suddenly disappeared, other members of the family had faced the reality of their situation and had taken jobs, but this woman lived from day to day interesting herself in little Theatre and Art movements. One prominent society 35

woman who had often been appealed to in regard to the above used to say “Miss------- is always engaged in ‘lost causes” But this is the negative aspects of her endeavors. On the positive side she had a very definite role in helping many a young artist to obtain a patron and financial help which started him on the road to success in his career. As a matter of fact it was this woman who practically initiated the Chicago Gurdjieff group, introducing Jean Toomer, the leader Gurdjieff himself had appointed, to potential members.

Earnings from these sporadic attempts to obtain support for her various enterprises were very minor and did not sustain her life. Thus in a sense she might be considered a dilettante who was unwilling to face ‘reality’ because she was perpetually dependent upon other members of her family

On the other hand Gurdjieff may have aimed the shaft at us all. The Chicago group in the main were notoriously poor except for two or three members. A number including myself were engaged in the arts. It is quite shameful to admit that it was some months after Gurdjieff’s departure before the rent for his apartment was settled. Gurdjieff made the remark on one occasion, “Chicago group, none can made business, none can do,”

But as Gurdjieff well knew from the thousands who were attracted to his ideas and work, perhaps over 50% were mis-fits in life, in the outer world, and their disillusion and disappointments thus suffered in failure caused them to search for other values, the values of the inner life, its growth and fulfillment.

It takes many years of self discovery by self observation to be able to combat mechanicality whereby the outer conditions may be altered. And it is that man who has achieved ‘center of gravity’ who can hope to ‘do’, who can have ‘aim’ and can direct his ‘will’ consciously, to achieve that aim.

A meeting was to be held at my studio at 919 Rush Street, a new location 36

from that formerly visited by Gurdjieff. We women were to prepare the dinner while the men accompanied Gurdjieff to a Russian steam bath. Dinner was ready waiting their arrival, and soon we heard their masculine conviviality, delighting in their unusual experience with the Master, and secretly gloating over the fact that the women were excluded.

I must confess that I secretly envied them, but at the same time I was intuitively aware that men must retain the masculine, patriarchal prerogative of experiencing activities and rites together.

A woman of about thirty five who lived out of town had recently joined our group. She attended this dinner and had brought with her a devoted young woman pupil of 17 to meet Gurdjieff. Gurdjieff lavished attention upon this

young

girl,

and

I

who

had

enjoyed

rather

marked

attention

from

Gurdjieff at meetings, indeed between meetings as well, and felt somewhat privileged, for the first time felt a pang of jealousy. In retrospect, I must say it was only the second time in my life that I had experienced this devastating emotion.

This feeling augmented throughout the dinner and evening. Many toasts were drunk to the various ‘idiots’ and a number of glasses of Armagnac were left one-third empty. I felt a kind of desperation mounting and recklessness, and asked two or three members if I might finish their glasses. They consented, regarding my unusual behavior with growing curiosity, quite aware of the master’s purpose. I began to feel slightly unsteady not accustomed to more than a small glassful.

We learned that the young girl had the same birthday as mine. February 22nd, and I exclaimed, “Then we are twins.” Gurdjieff remonstrated, shaking his head and said, “You not to make comparison, this is innocent young girl.”

There was no reading that evening, and around eleven o’clock all the mem37

bers had left. My head was swimming and I was glad to fall upon the bed partly dressed. During the night I was deathly sick. At nine o’clock in the morning, still feeling very shaky I was surprised to find a woman member at my door. Gurdjieff knew that I would be ill and had asked her to go to my aid. I recovered fairly well during the day and appeared at his apartment for dinner that night, pale and wan. His comment, “You not need spirits, Miss Huebert, you already high, no drink liquor.”

This woman from out-of-town, the teacher of the young girl mentioned above had a tragic future, and a tragic end. We had all noticed her extreme inner tension which remained constant. Her brown eyes were filled with fire, and this foreboded ‘insanity’ as a number of us were aware. Indeed at one of the first meetings she attended during Gurdjieff’s visit he enunciated, nodding his head, “She to experience force of Moon.” “Cannot prevent.” He was smiling at her at the time, and I do not think she was aware of this implication. Fritz Peters has recounted her story and her end in his book Gurdjieff Remembered.

On one of our excursions Gurdjieff stopped off with me at my apartment for coffee and a short rest, it being one of the hottest days of the year. After climbing the long flight of stairs I noticed that Gurdjieff was suffering and panting from the heat. He loosened his collar and sat down. I quickly found a small Turkish towel and immersed it in cold water, and brought it to him, placing it over his domed head and face. He refreshed himself by brushing it over neck, head and face, and in returning it to me he said, rather touched by my concern and motherly attention, “I not know this side of you.”

At

another

time,

again

while

on

an

excursion

after

a

group

meeting,

Gurdjieff asked me if I knew some colorful coffee house to visit “for enlivenment.”

I

was

not

very

knowledgeable

in

these

matters

although

I

should have been – living for a number of years on Rush Street, which now claims the most nightclubs per mile than any other spot in Chicago. I re38

membered that a new restaurant had opened on Ontario Street; I had however never visited it. I thought it might be a colorful spot since it was run by Greeks. We entered – to a completely empty room – not a customer in sight. Gurdjieff however took a table and though hesitant I sat down, appalled at my choice. The waiter hurried over and almost fawned before us, so impressed was he by Gurdjieff’s stature. We had coffee in dead silence. There was no cheer, nor new impressions, nor interesting personalities to study. I was completely staggered with my fateful choice, especially because I wished in every way possible to see Gurdjieff relaxed and enjoying himself, relieved from the pressures and responsibilities of his work. He gazed at me almost expressionless, perhaps unbelieving that my naiveté could be so abysmally dense.

Our last meal with Gurdjieff before his departure for New York was arranged by Fred Leighton at the Athenaeum, a famous Greek restaurant situated at Lake and Wabash Street now long torn down. We had met Gurdjieff and escorted him as a group, happy that he was to have a little diversion and respite from his hours in the kitchen. We arrived around two o’clock; only a few customers were finishing a late lunch. Gurdjieff was ebullient and playful; the men were sparkling with humor and the women pleased and expectant. Two or three tables were placed end to end and the waiters hovered

over

us

waiting

to

take

orders.

Special

dishes

were

ordered

by

Gurdjieff for us all, and the kitchen help put to work. Gurdjieff ordered a

Greek

wine

which

we

sipped

leisurely

while

awaiting

the

dishes.

Gurdjieff was in fine form, and all were relaxed and in a happy mood. Suddenly Gurdjieff exploded in thunderous tones of such intensity that reverberations sounded throughout the large room. Our dishes and glasses seemed about to burst in the explosion, which continue to mount until all the waiters came running frantically to learn the cause. Gurdjieff was complaining about the service, the delay. The waiters rushed back to the kitchen to prod the cooks. The small waiter who had taken the orders from Gurdjieff, a very slight man unusually small in structure hovered over Gurdjieff wringing his hands in despair, assuring Gurdjieff in a strained 39

high voice that all would be ready shortly for the master. His distress was so great that I was appalled. The group to the man had frozen from the impact, especially since the harangue remained unabated. I alone in the group thought this explosion so outrageous; that I couldn’t believe that it was real. The time wait had not been that great to warrant such an outburst. I looked at Gurdjieff appraisingly, curiously. He caught my look of disbelief, and one eye opened and closed, even during the continued explosion. Of course, he was acting, for what purpose? It was seen very soon. The poor little frail waiter became a spectacle of pity, so completely had he been annihilated. He continued to wring his hands and walk around the long table as though to bring some assurance that the meal would shortly be served Gurdjieff’s act came to an end as suddenly as it had begun. The dishes were soon served, and all began to eat, subdu8ed and reflective. Only Gurdjieff continued with his jovial bonhomie as high in spirits as before. At the completion of the meal, all the waiters appeared bowing to the Master, the frail little wraith standing close by. Gurdjieff called him over paying him the amount of the bill, showered him with compliments, praised the food and the service, and then handed the dazzled frail little man an enormous tip which he looked at in disbelief. We departed and every soon were reflecting upon the spectacle of a man without ‘center of gravity’ destroyed by an accident, a happening in life with Gurdjieff acting as the instrument. This object lesson staged by Gurdjieff for the benefit of his disciples was catastrophic in nature. It was Gurdjieff’s final lesson before his departure. I felt great pity for the frail little man who had been sacrificed for our benefit.

Before Gurdjieff took leave of us, he spoke privately to a number who had requested an interview. I recall vividly my talk with him. He studied me for a long time then asked me if I ‘would follow him to New York and remain with him for some time.’ I was deeply touched, and somewhat torn, and overwhelmed with the implications of his offer. But I had no overpowering conflict in making my decision. I told him that I was deeply appreciative of his interest and care for my growth possibilities under his supervi40

sion, but that I had a sense of ‘mission’ in my own work in the dance, and that I must follow this path, wherever it took me. He looked at me kindly and accepted my decision. He respected my autonomy of choice. I realized my decision was a fateful one. That my Destiny had chosen.

In the three visits Gurdjieff mad to his Chicago group very little direct teaching was made, very little exposition or clarification of precepts. The reading out loud of All and Everything by one or another member of the group was the central theme of our concentration and reflection. While Gurdjieff himself listened carefully to the English translation and occasionally interrupted with a small correction or addition, he was aware of each members attention and reactions to the great ideas enunciated. Our smallest gestures were noted. Gurdjieff himself was the Great Exampler. His complete awareness, his towering consciousness gathering us all in its wide embrace suffused the room. The Baraka, the spiritual Essence flowing from the Master enveloped us. Heightening our own awareness and widening our vision. We were transported into another domain, a higher dimension of Reality. We felt blessed.

But we all felt an inner urgency to make haste. The awful realization that there was a limited amount of Time in which to break through the thrust of habit, prejudices, abject laziness and ego satisfactions and to begin the long struggle gripped our minds. “DO YOU WANT TO DIE LIKE A Dog?” coming from Gurdjieff in thunderous tones descended upon us like an avalanche freezing our hearts and minds in the terror of our situation.

Thus for a fleeting moment we had a glimpse into that Fate which awaited us unless we were in possession of a permanent ‘I’, a Soul which could withstand the ravages and death of the body. Thus Gurdjieff was able to raise the level of our awareness and the level of our response. Our efforts at ‘self-observation’ became more intense and our moments of ‘selfremembering’ increased over a longer span.

41

After Gurdjieff’s departure, our Chicago group meetings were somewhat sporadic in nature. Jean Toomer, our leader who was a writer had met a woman writer whom he shortly married. His wife, Margery however attended our meetings during the months before the birth of their child. She was to lose her life in giving life and Jean’s world for a time fell apart. Fred Leighton and his wife had moved to New York, moving their business, The Indian Trading Post to the East. They became active members of one of the New York groups.

Gurdjieff during his Chicago visit had created a great rift. Two or three members had been struck at ‘chief feature’ and not being able to accept the

blow

to

their

vanity

or

ego

no

longer

were

active

in

our

work.

Gurdjieff had separated the wheat from the chaff. He had made the serious observation to us all ‘that he had noticed strange thing in psyche of each one of us, very one sided, very bad, and evidence of wrong work. That we had centered our attention on observing the personality, 'it wants' 'it does not want' – 'it is this one time, and that another time.' But that there was no concurrent work on “I"– I AM – I WISH – I CAN, therefore Essence remained asleep, undeveloped. This of course was a negative reflection upon Jean Toomer, our leader. Group work ended all together when jean Toomer moved to New York, having met and married a second Margery whose home was in New York City.

42

MEETING WITH GURDJIEFF IN NEW YORK JANUARY 1935

Around Christmas time, 1934 I had the inspiration to wire Gurdjieff whom I learned was still in New York. I asked in my telegram if he could make use of a suckling pig for his New Year’s dinner. If so I would have my father send him one refrigerated by plane. He responded by wire. “Suggest you not send pig and come yourself.”

This so delighted and encouraged me that I made a special effort to raise the fare to New York. To economize I had to take a bus, traveling 18 solid hours, having wired Gurdjieff in advance of my coming. Arriving in New York about 8 in the morning I immediately checked into a hotel somewhere in the vicinity of Gurdjieff’s apartment. I was in a state of profound exhaustion, body and nerves frayed to the core. I could not even think of telephoning Gurdjieff, I was only half alive. Throwing myself on the bed I slept a few hours and early in the afternoon telephoned Gurdjieff. He remonstrated, “Misa Huebert, why you not come directly to me from bus? I reserve room for you with landlady. I wait all night for you.” I was completely bowled over to think that the Master had been so thoughtful of me and my comfort. I went to his apartment immediately and upon arrival he again chided me for my delay in not coming to him. I hardly had any words of explanation. I was overcome by his sense of care, a disciple who had refused his offer, who had chosen to go her own path.

As I recall, Gurdjieff at that time was not involved with group meetings, and I remembered that I was surprised not to encounter more members from the various groups. I believe that many were visiting family or friends during the holidays. Some had left town. I also had some time to visit old friends whom I had known during my three year sojourn in New York from 1927-1939 when my professional career was in full swing after my year of study and performance in Europe.

43

Once Gurdjieff questioned me as to whether I had ever had any experience in ‘foreseeing future.” It seemed to me that his spirit was troubled, that he was preoccupied, as though waiting for some sign to come to a decision. He said ‘that young person, was ideal subject for foreseeing future.’ I told him that I had no gifts what-so-ever as a medium, that I had myself consulted one on two occasions. He dismissed the whole subject*

* John Bennett in his recent work GURDJIEFF –MAKING A NEW WORLD, has thrown light upon the inner state of Gurdjieff’s spirit at the time I visited him in January of 1935. He had experienced a great shock in the untimely death of Orage in November of 1934, having made plans for the spreading of his ideas and work with the help of Orage who was the only disciple whose experience in the work, persuasive powers, and dedication to Gurdjieff personally particularly fitted him for this role of harbinger. I sensed Gurdjieff’s inner questioning, and his indecision and doubt as to the next step to take, thus his desire to have a glimpse into the future, through mediumship, were I gifted in this direction.

During this visit Gurdjieff went to elaborate pains to instruct me to carry out a small task for him. I was to telephone an old friend, Rominy Marie at her coffee house to ‘give her a certain message. Nothing more.’ I was able to reach her in the afternoon, and I gave her Gurdjieff’s message. She seemed a little confused and asked me a question in French. In my faltering French I told her that I was following Gurdjieff’s explicit directions and could not elaborate further. Later Gurdjieff followed very closely what I had said, how I had carried out his instruction. I felt that he was testing me. I had diverged from his exact directions in the matter of answering in French.

Later that evening Gurdjieff took me to Rominy Marie’s colorful coffee house. She greeted him in the manner of an old friend. Gurdjieff seemed to be very relaxed in her company and later I learned that he had known her, a gypsy in Central Asia. 44

I have no memory of taking leave of Gurdjieff, but my stay was a short one. I had to return to Chicago to prepare for a concert at the Art Institute of Chicago.

45

GURDJIEFF IN NY 1935 OR 1936 – I AM UNSURE ABOUT THE YEAR

I had left for New York on a professional mission, to try to make connection with some film company to record in film and sound the great dance drama and solo dances of the leading contemporary dancers. I had already written Martha Graham, Dorio Humphrey, Charles Weldman, Tamiris, and one or two others to learn if they were interested in my effort, and if so to authorize me to make the preliminary contact. I was greatly concerned that these magnificent early works might go unrecorded and that future generations would be deprived of them, the works of the great pioneers in the movement. I had felt it a catastrophe, an irreparable loss that the works of a Pavlova, and an Isadora were forever lost.

I had one dance drama of my own the WHEEL

OF

REBIRTH inspired by my contact

with Gurdjieff’s work and Eastern philosophy in general, relating to the idea of repetition, which I felt worth of recording on film. I also had a few solo works which I thought significant for perpetuation

Upon my arrival I had interviews with each artist, speaking of the possibilities. I began to make telephone calls and was interviewed by a number of executives. I was not making much headway since the ‘art dance’ had not made a great impact upon them. Someone directed me to Mr. ------- the artistic director of the Brooklyn Museum of Art. He was a man of culture and vision who had on many occasions brought the great contemporary artists and their companies to the museum. Thus his interest was immediate. He committed himself, his own money, to the project to 50% of the costs, if I could interest a film company to underwrite the remaining 50%. I was enheartened. But my time was running short.

One afternoon I was walking along Fifth Avenue when I recognized Jean Toomer approaching me. He was as equally surprised to see me, as I him. He questioned me if I had come to New York to see Gurdjieff. My astonishment 46

in learning of Gurdjieff’s presence was my answer. I told Jean of my professional mission. He said on parting that he would telephone me after speaking with Margery his wife to see when they could receive me.

I immediately went to Childs restaurant, I think it was at 57th street. I found Gurdjieff seated alone at a table and approached him. He looked up, but did not seem to recognize me immediately. But finally he connected me with the Chicago group when I told him of encountering Jean Toomer. He asked me to have coffee with him and was most gracious. Soon three young men,

disciples

of

his

joined

us,

Gurdjieff

making

the

introductions.

Gurdjieff was very jovial and said that I must accompany them to dinner ‘at famous Assyrian restaurant.’ I sensed that the young men resented my unexpected presence, and I told Gurdjieff that I had already had dinner at another Child’s restaurant down the street. Gurdjieff said, ‘Pig eats and is finished, man can always eat.’ You come with us Miss Huebert.’ Because of his insistence, and my great joy at seeing him again, and in spite of the disapproval of the young men I agreed, saying that I would have coffee and dessert with them.

We took a cab to the restaurant which was situated in an old neighborhood. Gurdjieff was received with much respect and aplomb by the proprietor and the waiters. We ordered a special lamb dish, and himself went to the kitchen to give orders and to inspect. He also ordered the head of the lamb, and when it was served he took out an eye and offered it to me, saying ‘it most delicious part.’ I could not accept this dainty tidbit, but I did consume the roasted lamb and proved ‘that man can always eat.’ The dinner

was

very

gay,

the

young

disciples

vied

with

each

other

for

Gurdjieff’s attention and approval. Gurdjieff told stories. When the bill was present to Gurdjieff he remonstrated loudly over one or two items. We wondered if those who had showed such respect for him could have taken advantage of his known generosity. The waiter bowed in chagrin, agreeing to go over the bill once more. He made a change. With that Gurdjieff beamed at him, paid the bill and handed the waiter a handsome tip. The waiter was 47

overjoyed and bowed many times. Gurdjieff invited me to visit him at his apartment the next day. I was happy to accept.

I arrived at Gurdjieff’s apartment as I recall around 3 p.m. He received me and said ‘to go to front room and be seated.’ A few minutes later he appeared, looked at me in an hypnotic way and proceeded to go through the following maneuvers.

Keeping his eyes fixed upon me he stealthily approached the high wall bookcase, looked around the room as if to see if anyone else were watching him, and climbed up the bookcase on certain vacant spaces on the shelves. Again

he

looked

at

me

and

reached

onto

one

of

the

high

shelves

and

stealthily from a hidden corner drew forth – a box of chocolates. He thrust the box to his breast and climbed down, came over to me who was wrapt in astonishment, proceeded to pen the box very slowly, thrust the box toward me, and in sepulchral tones pronounce O N E. I extracted a chocolate and Gurdjieff shut the lid with a great noise, climbed back in the same stealthy manner, put the box in its corner, and coming down approached me. “If you not watch carefully, you to suffer liver complaint, such as my own Mother suffered. This come on you later in life.”

The message could not have been more explicit. I as well as most dancers craved sweets, especially chocolates, and had always over-indulged. Sugar we know to be a quick means of supplying energy, and exhausted dancers always turned to this source for quick replenishment.

This dramatic episode made a considerable impression on me. I am still reminded of Gurdjieff’s elaborate means to warn me. Twice when I went beyond all caution, I went without candy of any kind for three years. I have not limited myself to ONE but I have cut down considerably.

Gurdjieff made inquiry as to the businesses which had brought me to New York I told him of my film project, and that I had borrowed $150.00 in or48

der to make the trip. He asked me what results I had had, and I told him of the status of things. He asked me if I intended to remain longer to see it through. I said that I had about exhausted my money, and that I must return to Chicago in any event in a few days because of an up-coming concert. Gurdjieff observed that ‘I not stick with aim long enough to make success.’ I agreed that this was so, that circumstances demanded that I complete by letter any unfinished business. He invited me to visit him again the following day.

I arrived around the same hour as before and again was told to ‘take seat in front room.’ Shortly afterward I was greatly surprised to see Jean Toomer ushered in by Gurdjieff, and also told to wait. Jean Toomer eagerly inquired if I knew the reason why we had been invited. I had no idea, but as I studied Jean I noticed a certain embarrassment and disquiet. I do not think he relished being placed on the same footing as myself, two disciples waiting their turns to be interviewed by the Master. Jean, as leader of the Chicago group had always felt his authority and had preserved his ascendancy with the group members, which from hierarchical standpoint was quite natural. Still, it was known by his intimate friends that Jean had to be ‘cock of the roost’ and it would seem that Gurdjieff in this episode, so carefully arranged by taking advantage of my presence in New York, was striking at ‘chief feature.’ By putting Jean in ‘galoshes’ so to say, Mr. Gurdjieff had employed one of his favorite devices of leveling a person

to

size.

In

any

event,

whatever

Gurdjieff’s

motives,

Jean

was

called in first and after about twenty minutes Gurdjieff ushered me into his working quarters.

I was very grateful to have this interview, because I had a pressing problem on my mind on which I wanted Gurdjieff’s ultimatum. On many other occasions when in Gurdjieff’s company alone and when there was adequate time to ask questions, I was usually hesitant or embarrassed. Gurdjieff never made it easy. One had to have a burning need. On two occasions when I had spoken from ‘real need’ from my inner self Gurdjieff had responded direct49

ly and succinctly.

I had brought my portfolio of dance photographs with me. I had hoped that Gurdjieff might examine them while posing my question. Gurdjieff sat at his desk in one corner some fifteen feet distant from the table where I stood sorting out my photographs. But perhaps the Master would not deign to look at them, thinking them irrelevant.

I began my story. I told him that I had begun my dance career much later in life than most solo artists who generally start as early as seven years of age to prepare for an arduous career. I told him that I had had seven years of the ballet beginning at 13 years of age, but had found my own medium in the Contemporary idiom after having witnessed Isadora Duncan in solo performance and had gone to Europe to seek her out as a teacher. Not making the contact I had remained in Paris studying and performing with Raymond Duncan, her brother, and upon returning to America had begun my own explorations and by now had achieved recognition in the Chicago area. My problem was this:

Although my work was progressing, and that my body performed all that I required of it technically, that it seemed that I was left in a state of extreme fatigue after a long rehearsal or a concert, and I was beginning to have doubts as to the strength of my body for a career in dance, and if I would be able to continue to muster the strength and endurance that creative work in this medium would demand, as the years mounted. I wondered if I had started too late in life.

As I was talking, looking over my photographs, I noticed that Gurdjieff had risen from his seat and with great curiosity peered toward my photographs, but when he noted that I had caught this gesture, he immediately sat down as though completely disinterested. I continued however as though I had been unaware of this gesture.

50

When I had finished, Gurdjieff came away from his desk and moved toward me. In very emotional tones he said the following:

“Where I come from, in the monasteries, there are great many dancers, all stages of development, al ages. But only older dancers permitted to dance in the temples. Only they who have gone through years of apprenticeship. Only older women dance the rituals. And they all fire, all perfection, movements beautiful, all performed with precision. All these women old, over sixty. They dance like Goddesses.”

I left Gurdjieff feeling very relieved, very grateful, and very humble. My teacher had been completely honest with me, completely objective in his advice. I was left free to continue my path, in a sense with his blessing.

I had one more interview with Gurdjieff, and it was to be my last in this life span. It may have been the following day, and I was about ready to purchase my bus ticket back to Chicago. I could not delay any longer.

Gurdjieff greeted me and immediately went into great lengths to describe, “Great celebration in his honor at home of woman disciple, some five days hence. You Miss Huebert must come, you stay and attend, very important occasion. All New York groups would attend. Great feast in my honor. You also must honor. You meet all New York people.

I was embarrassed because I wanted very much to please Gurdjieff, but felt that I could not spare another five days away from my rehearsals. In spite of all Gurdjieff’s pleadings, and of the many devices he employed to make me change my mind, I was resolute. Gurdjieff showed his disappointment, but he finally desisted.

Gurdjieff asked me at what time I would depart. After telling him he said, “Then come for coffee at restaurant before you go. “ I agreed.

51

My minutes with Gurdjieff at coffee the following day were few. He greeted me, pointing to a chair. He continued his writings and I studied him, conscious of his great presence and reflecting upon my fateful good fortune in having had these unexpected interviews, one in particular which had so relieved me from the burden of doubt in regard to my career, and another interview of a private nature in which he had outlined specific directions for me to follow. Gurdjieff finally looked up and said, “So you go?” I nodded my head yes, a little sad that I had been unable to change my mind to stay for his celebration. Gurdjieff held out his hand and as I arose and faced him he uttered a few words weighted with meaning. Their significance became explicit only later. I bid him goodbye not knowing that this was the last time I was to se Gurdjieff on Earth.

Upon taking leave of Gurdjieff I had no fore knowledge that a breach between teacher and disciple was about to take place, due to a strange and eerie chain of circumstances which arose originally by my innocently harbored

false

assumption,

an

assumption

that

Gurdjieff

could

never

have

fathomed. Had the experience resulting in the rupture not been of so serious a consequence it might have been termed a comedy of errors. The teacher works with the disciple in the inner world of the Soul, and only god is the privileged onlooker. Suffice to say that because of my naiveté in failing to understand Gurdjieff’s explicit directions, I was subjected to a traumatic experience, sufficiently acute to fling me out of the orbit of his person and active ‘work’ effort for a number of years.

The teacher with objective conscience pays his debt to Great Nature and is an aid to god in His endless labors by his conscious implantation of seeds which take root and flower as the individual Destiny of the disciple unfolds. The particular division in my nature upon which Gurdjieff directed his shocks and blows over the three year period of my contacts with him, for thirty years now has not been in evidence. The wholeness for which he aimed came about gradually, partly because Gurdjieff exposed the division to my consciousness and to conscience, partly because of the suffering to 52

which life itself exposed me.

I sit sipping coffee at Aesop’s Tables, a Greek restaurant close to my apartment, writing these final lines with a background of Greek melodies calling to mind Gurdjieff’s heritage from his father, and his great image and powerful presence come strong and vivid before me as though he still lived on earth. It is as though a breach had never occurred between teacher and disciple. But having occurred, the circumstance and trauma of the breach having long been understood and the healing complete, I reflect upon the meaning Gurdjieff had in my life, and can affirm in confidence and faith that all his actions toward me were consciously directed with objective Love as their base.

As I meditate upon the above experiences with Gurdjieff, the fruit of my personal contact with this first Great Teacher, I am aware of the impact he made upon the fibre of my Being, the awakening and growth of which lay the foundation for the possible building of a Soul, that finer body which survives death itself.

53

EPILOGUE

The writing of these reminiscences covered a span of two weeks. During all these days and late into the night my entire Being seemed to be enveloped in the Baraka of the Master. Gurdjieff’s presence was so strong, so palpable that indeed I might have touched his person. I am not given to visions, I have had only a few during my lifetime, thus the Reality of the following experience has validity for me. The night had been one of the hottest of the summer. I had been in deep sleep when suddenly I was conscious of Gurdjieff’s arm extended over me as though in a blessing. I being greatly moved, reached for his hand and drew it to my lips. Gurdjieff was touched by this demonstration of devotion. He had been standing behind me, but now he came in front of me, seated himself near me for just a moment as though to give recognition, then arose and went on his way. The experience was so powerful, so pregnant and palpable that I awakened completely. This state of heightened awareness and of wonderment lasted for many minutes, but the reality of his presence, of his appearance, blessing and recognition of me in his Kesdjan body remains fresh and vivid as a living reminder. Historical Background *

*This part was added by the editor and is not a part of Diana’s document.

1930: The Great Depression. Mob rule in Chicago.

1931: Al Capone is sentenced to eleven years in prison for tax evasion.

Jean Toomer starts an experimental group in and around an isolated cottage in Portage, Wisconsin with a half dozen people and as many as two dozen visitors from Chicago. Jean marries Margery (biracial). When Margery becomes pregnant they leave Chicago and go to California. 54

1932: One out of every four families in the US is on relief.

March 1: An unknown person kidnaps Lindbergh's son aged 20 months from their residence in Hopewell, New Jersey.

1933: Hitler comes to power in Germany.

1934 July 22: Public enemy number one, the notorious John Dillinger, is gunned down and mortally wounded by FBI agents at the Biograph Theatre in Chicago.

1939 – 1945

Second World War killed 62 and a half million people.

Einstein letter to FDR suggesting construction of the atomic bomb. Atomic bombs dropped on Hiroshima and Nagasaki killing 150,000 people. 1941 First use of penicillin. 1950 – 1953

Korean War. Two and a half million to three and a half million people killed.

1961-1973

Vietnam War two million three hundred thousand to three million eight hundred thousand people killed. Profiles* *This part was added by the editor and is not a part of Diana’s document. Abel Faidy 55

Diana’s husband and a noted architect in the Chicago area. One of his best known pieces of work is the Skyscraper Chair. Mara Biggs

Helen (Yvonne) Dupee Martha Graham A well known modern dancer in 1910, 1920 who set the style of modern dancing with her strong pelvic contractions and rugged technique. Jane Heap

(1887–1964) Born in rural Kansas, daughter of the warden of a mental institution. A coeditor of The Little Review and lover of founder Margaret Anderson. Both Jane and Margaret were arrested and finger printed for printing excerpts from Ulysses (considered obscene by the U.S.A). Margaret was later convicted and paid a fine. Jane later became a well know leader of the Gurdjieff work in London. Dorio Humphrey

Tamiris

Helen Tamiris (1905- 1966) choreographer, modern dancer, and teacher (also known as Helen Becker). Interested in establishing modern dance as an art form, Tamiris was active in organizing the young artists through the Concert Dancers League, Dance Repertory Theatre, Dancers Emergency Association, and American Dance Association. She also played an essential role in establishing the Federal Dance Project under the WPA. Jean Toomer

(1894 – 1967) writer and philosopher, was born Nathan Pinchback Toomer in Washington, D.C., the son of Nathan Toomer, a planter, and Nina Pinchback, the daughter of Pinckney Benton Stewart Pinchback, governor of Louisiana during Reconstruction and the first U.S. governor of African-American descent. Like his parents, Toomer could easily pass for white, his heritage comprising several European and African bloodlines. Indeed, throughout his formative years until age eighteen, he lived alternately as white 56

and as African American. Works: Cane, The collected Poems of Jean Toomer, The Black Man, Reapers. Toomer learned from Orage the beginnings of Gurdjieff's system. Later he was given instructions by Gurdjieff, while visiting the Prieure, to begin a group in Chicago. After Chicago Toomer began a group near Taliesin in Wisconsin. After living in California and New Mexico Toomer left became a Quaker and instituted some of Gurdjieff’s ideas into the Quaker system. In time he came back to Gurdjieff’s way. Mark Turbyfill

( 1896- 1991) Remembered today mainly for his contributions to the worlds of avantgarde verse (in 1926 the vanguard magazine Poetry devoted an entire issue to his writings) and dance (in the 1920s and ’30s, he was a principal dancer with Allied Artists and partnered with legendary Chicago choreographer Ruth Page), Mark Turbyfill was also an accomplished visual artist. Seeing continuity in all his creative endeavors, Turbyfill at times utilized texts lifted from his own poetry in both figurative and abstract paintings and drawings. With evocative titles such as "Yellow Calligraphic Poem," "Green Oracle," and "Sibylline Head," his visual work also gestures toward a mythic literary past. This intimate exhibition features representative works on paper from the late 1940s to the mid 1960s, drawn from the Smart Museum’s permanent collection. Charles Weldman

A modern dancer. Mrs. Frank Lloyd Wright (Olgivanna) (1898 – 1985) was of Serbian birth, born in Montenegro, part of the previous Yugoslavia. She was the grand daughter of a famous Serbian/Montenegrin writer, tribe leader, Montenegrin duke and hero Marko Miljanov. She was the third and last wife of the well known architect Frank Lloyd Wright and 33 years younger than Frank Lloyd. She was ac57

tive in the Gurdjieff work from the early thirties until late in her life. She sailed with Gurdjieff on his final trip in the spring of 1949 from NY to France. While still married to Miriam, Wright had met Olga Milanoff Hinzenberg, known as Olgivanna, 33 years his junior, at the ballet in Chicago in 1924. A native of Yugoslavia, Olgivanna had studied under Soviet occult teacher Georgi Gurdjieff at his Institute for the Harmonious Development of Man in Paris, France. She was the estranged wife of a Russian architect named Vlademar Hinzenberg, and together they had one daughter, Svetlana, born in 1917. In February of 1925 Wright had invited Olgivanna and Svetlana to move into Taliesin with him. Two months later she obtained a divorce from Hinzenberg, and by the end of 1925 Frank and Olgivanna’s daughter Iovanna was born. Almost three years later on August 25, 1928 they were married. In 1950 the de Hartmanns moved to New York City where they settled on the upper west side of Manhattan. Thomas received occasional offers to lecture and teach. He went to London where he gave a series of lectures that outlined his belief in the interrelatedness of the arts. Frank Lloyd Wright received word of these lectures and invited de Hartmann to come work with the students at Taliesin West, Wright's architectural commune in Arizona. Wright believed that composing music and drawing architectural designs were closely-related skills. De Hartmann happily accepted the position which included

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comfortable

accommodation

and

access

to

a

Steinway

grand

piano.

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