Your Beautiful Wedding on Any Budget

your Beautiful Wedding on any budget • How to get what you want while paying less • Go on your honeymoon without a ca...

Author: Todd Outcalt

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your

Beautiful Wedding on any budget

• How to get what you want while paying less

• Go on your honeymoon without a care in the world • Pay for your wedding with no hassles and no debt • Financial worksheets, checklists, and more

Todd Outcalt

your

Beautiful Wedding on any budget

Copyright © 2009 by Todd Outcalt Cover and internal design © 2009 by Sourcebooks, Inc. Cover design by Lisa Mierzwa Cover illustration by Lisa Mierzwa Sourcebooks and the colophon are registered trademarks of Sourcebooks, Inc. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means including information storage and retrieval systems—except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews—without permission in writing from its publisher, Sourcebooks, Inc. Published by Sourcebooks Casablanca, an imprint of Sourcebooks, Inc. P.O. Box 4410, Naperville, Illinois 60567-4410 (630) 961-3900 Fax: (630) 961-2168 www.sourcebooks.com Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Outcalt, Todd. Your beautiful wedding on any budget / Todd Outcalt. p. cm. 1. Weddings—Planning. 2. Weddings—Costs. 3. Budgets, Personal. I. Title. HQ745.O88 2009 395.2’2—dc22 2008046864 Printed and bound in the United States of America. VP 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

To my grandmother Still beautiful after all these years…

Contents Acknowledgments . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 1 Introduction . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 3 Part 1—The Beautiful “Debt-Free” Wedding Philosophy

Chapter One—What’s in a Wedding? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 11

Chapter Two—Understanding the Beautiful “Debt-Free” Wedding Philosophy . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 19

Chapter Three—Making Your List, Checking It Twice . . . . . . . . . . . 25

Chapter Four—Popping the Questions . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 37

Part 2—Putting the Philosophy into Practice: Saving Wisely

Chapter Five—Planning to Save . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 63

Part 3—Putting the Philosophy into Practice: Spending Wisely

Chapter Six—The Rings . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 87

Chapter Seven—Counseling . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 93

Chapter Eight—Wedding Stationery and More . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 97

Chapter Nine—Bridal Gowns . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 103

Chapter Ten—Bridal Accessories . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 109

Chapter Eleven—The Rehearsal Dinner . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 111

Chapter Twelve—Ceremony and Reception Venues . . . . . . . . . . . . 115

Chapter Thirteen—Music . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 123

Chapter Fourteen—The Officiant . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 127

Chapter Fifteen—Flowers . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 129

Chapter Sixteen—Wedding and Reception Decorations . . . . . . . . . . 133

Chapter Seventeen—Catering . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 143

Chapter Eighteen—Beverages/Wine . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 147

Chapter Nineteen—The Cake . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 151

Chapter Twenty—Photography and Videography . . . . . . . . . . . . . 155

Chapter Twenty-One—For the Groom . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 163

Chapter Twenty-Two—Transportation . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 165

Chapter Twenty-Three—Gifts and Favors . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 169

Chapter Twenty-Four—Miscellaneous . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 177

Chapter Twenty-Five—The Everything-for-Free Wedding! . . . . . . . 183

Chapter Twenty-Six—Bankrolling the Honeymoon . . . . . . . . . . . 191

Chapter Twenty-Seven—The Bottom Line . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 219

Chapter Twenty-Eight—Web Directory . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 223

About the Author . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 229

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Acknowledgments

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Many thanks to Deborah Werksman and the staff at Sourcebooks for making this project possible. A big thanks to Shana Drehs for doing such a marvelous job as editor, and for providing some much-needed vision. I also thank the many couples who have enrolled in my seminars or allowed me to counsel them in their wedding and marriage plans. Many thanks to the people of Calvary United Methodist Church. To Chelsey and Logan: I’m proud to be your dad. And to Becky—my wife of twenty-five years: I’m ready for another twenty-five if you are!

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s Introduction

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You probably recall the Steve Martin remake of the classic movie, Father of the Bride. (The original 1950 movie, starring Spencer Tracy, is indicative of the fact that wedding planning has long been a source of stress and financial angst to families—especially fathers.) In the Steve Martin version (and in Father of the Bride 2), there are many humorous scenes centered around finances and the father’s growing concern that his daughter’s wedding will land him in the poor house. Sitting at the kitchen table, the father is outvoted time and again by his wife and daughter as he attempts to pare down the menu and the guest list. In another scene, he attempts to counter the grandiose schemes of the wedding planner (played by the hilarious Martin Short), who has selected the most expensive dress, the largest wedding cake, and the most elaborate reception. In the end, the father has to mortgage the house in order to finance his daughter’s wedding. As funny as these movies are, however, they offer subtle kernels of truth about family dynamics, wedding planning, and the high cost of organizing a wedding and honeymoon. The comedy in these movies

4 G Your Beautiful Wedding on Any Budget

is driven by the circumstances and moments that many families (and brides, especially) have encountered. But real life, of course, is not a movie. (These movies end cheerfully, with all manner of things being resolved in a happily-everafter denouement.) In real life, however, financial stresses and strains—especially those assumed through the cost of the wedding itself—do not disappear overnight or evaporate when the bride and groom walk off into the sunset. Rather, financial burdens hound us. Debt creates deeper problems in relationships. And eventually someone must pay the piper (the Visa bill, the bank, the caterer… even the limo driver). It is a rare couple, indeed, who can get off to a good beginning in marriage if their bank accounts are depleted—or worse, deeply in the red. And likewise, few couples can overcome the costs of a wedding if their special day has landed them deeply in debt. Today, the average cost of a wedding in the United States tops out at a whopping $28,000. And that figure does not include the engagement ring, honeymoon, or other post-wedding costs. Keep in mind this is the national average—a typical wedding on the East or West Coast is going to cost more than a wedding in the Midwest. Staring at these numbers, you might be saying to yourself: No way a wedding can cost that much. But many couples, once they fall headlong into the planning, quickly discover how it all adds up. Many brides can’t believe it when the baker comes back with a two-thousand-dollar price tag for an artfully decorated, five-tier reception cake. Grooms swoon when they learn the cost of tuxedo rental. And worried parents

Introduction H 5

contemplate taking out home improvement loans to finance a reception hall rental. What’s a cost-conscious couple to do?

A Wedding Tale I have been a United Methodist pastor for nearly thirty years. During this time, I have counseled hundreds of couples before marriage, and have helped them plan many aspects of their wedding ceremonies. Perhaps more than any other aspect of marriage counseling, I’ve enjoyed passing along insights that can help couples budget for their weddings and create a solid financial future. Moreover, my wife and I have been married for twenty-five years and have learned the value of budgeting, both before and during our marriage. I’ve also learned that any couple—regardless of their income level—can create a beautiful wedding on a budget they can afford. Some years back I began offering debt-free wedding seminars. These seminars were designed to help couples establish a budget, stick to it, and emerge on the other side of the honeymoon without debt. For some time now I’ve been sharing my debt-free wedding tips with couples on my blog, Debt-Free Wedding (www.weddingtopics .blogspot.com), a site devoted to giving couples debt-free ideas. My blog continues to be one means by which I share these ideas with a wider audience, many of which have been taken from my Debt-Free Wedding seminars. I have learned so much from the couples who have taken the seminar and there are some tremendous stories of success—and some with less success. I am pleased to be able to share


some of these stories in this book, although I have changed some names and situations out of respect for privacy of the couples. Consider one couple I married. Howard and Victoria were both college graduates, in their mid-twenties, and on a fast track toward success. During the weeks before the wedding, when we were doing our premarital counseling, Howard confided in me that Victoria’s father had offered them a great wedding gift, which Victoria had declined. “What was her father going to give you?” I asked. “He had offered to give us a down payment on a house in lieu of paying for a large, fully catered wedding,” Howard said. “But Victoria declined. She said she’d rather have the money for the wedding.” Victoria chimed in, “That’s true. But every woman dreams of having a white wedding with a fairy-tale quality to it. This wedding has been a dream of mine since I was a little girl. We can buy a house later. But a wedding should be once-in-a-lifetime.” “So what happened?” I wanted to know. “We compromised,” Howard said. “Victoria’s father is going to pay half of the wedding costs. We’ll pay the other half.” “That’s only fair,” answered Victoria. “Howard and I both have good jobs. And I want to treat my family and friends to a special day.” “I thought the down payment on a house was a much better gift,” Howard said sheepishly. The remainder of our counseling session was devoted to talking about the pros and cons of wedding debt—and the impasse that Howard and Victoria seemed to be experiencing in their respective ideas about marriage and the future. And, while I could certainly

Introduction H 7

understand their respective positions, I worried that their marriage might be headed for some difficulty—and some sizeable debt. Eventually the big wedding plans won out, and we worked hard to fit the ceremony and reception into Victoria’s ideal of a dream day. Indeed, their wedding was one of the most glorious I’d ever witnessed—especially the reception and honeymoon. Not only had they planned a fully catered dinner, but the couple had also hired a band and rented a large reception hall, complete with swimming pool, hot tub, and open bar. The room was decorated immaculately. Fine silver was on every table. There were candles and lights and balloons and streamers. There was wine and dancing and karaoke, in addition to a cornucopia of fine caviar, cheeses, and wrapped gifts at every table. No detail was omitted. Furthermore, they had planned a two-week honeymoon cruise to the Caribbean. No expense was spared. It was evident that the wedding and honeymoon had cost thousands of dollars—even tens of thousands of dollars—far more expense than the young couple could afford, even with the father’s help. During the reception, while I was munching on clam dip and caviar, I kept wondering: How will they ever get out of this debt? My suspicions were confirmed a few months later when I learned that Howard and Victoria were getting a divorce. The reason? Financial stresses had taken them into bankruptcy before they had a chance to build a life together. Is there a moral here? Perhaps. But there are certainly basic lessons of dollars and sense that other couples can take to heart. And that’s what this book is about.


In this book you’ll learn how you can create a beautiful wedding on any budget. You’ll learn how to take the necessary steps that will help you to create the wedding of your dreams… and the plan to pay for it. In a nutshell, this book is designed to help you: T hink about the difference between a wedding and a marriage and create a positive outlook as you plan the big day. Financially plan every aspect of your wedding (as well as the honeymoon). Formulate a budget for the wedding so you can enter into married life debt-free. Can you do this? Don’t doubt it. You’re smart, intelligent, and you want to take control of your own future—not have debt take control of you! And with a bit of coaching and planning, there’s no doubt that you can create a wedding that’s going to be the talk of the town while at the same time releasing you from the stresses of carrying a financial burden into your marriage. So get ready to create your own personal plan for making your wedding truly beautiful on any budget—and debt-free!

Part 1 The Beautiful “Debt-Free” Wedding Philosophy Every couple is going to have a wedding philosophy—a standard operating procedure that will inform how they prepare for the wedding, and how they save and spend to make the wedding a reality. Understanding and self-awareness are vital, but it is also important for couples to agree on their ultimate goal. Is the goal of the wedding to create a beautiful experience no matter what the financial cost? Or is the goal of the wedding to create a beautiful experience on a budget the couple can afford? These are key questions, and they strike at the heart of what this book is about. In the following section, we’ll explore the philosophy behind a beautiful debt-free wedding. Once a couple understands where they are going, and why, it will be much easier to actually get there.

C h a pt e r O ne

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What’s in a Wedding?

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No doubt, your ideas and concepts about weddings have been shaped by weddings you have seen on television, personally witnessed, or participated in. Perhaps you have dreams of a fairy-tale wedding like the televised spectacle of Princess Diana and Prince Charles— probably the most celebrated and widely viewed wedding in history. Or perhaps you particularly loved a certain aspect of a family member’s wedding. Or maybe you served as a bridesmaid, flower girl, or reception helper—and these experiences have informed your questions, observations, and dreams for your own matrimony. Weddings have a way of taking on a larger-than-life aura. But then, weddings are special and do contain elements of the human and divine, the highest callings of our passions and convictions, and also demanding the most of our commitment and love. Weddings are meant, by their very nature, to be one-of-a-kind occasions. And they should be. A wedding is not only an event, but also an opportunity to offer the best of yourself to the one you love, and to your guests! Perhaps, as you have set out to plan your wedding, you have found yourself feeling at once excited and overwhelmed, both joyous and


horrified. These feelings, however, are natural. Big events have a way of consuming our thoughts, our emotions, and our time. And because weddings have that special element of love and family involved—not to mention God, tradition, and societal expectations—we can easily feel taxed and overwhelmed by the demands. To many brides a wedding can seem like a mountain—a gigantic object that looms in the horizon of every waking hour. But then, even mountains can be scaled—as long as we are willing to take one step at a time.

Dollars and Sense Think about how most couples plan their special day. They usually begin with a no-holds-barred philosophy, or (heaven forbid) a credit card approach to financing the wedding. Charge it! has become the latest fad in wedding planning, but couples who finance their weddings on plastic can quickly discover that their marriage is in bigger trouble than their bank account. Banks have even gotten into the act and have parlayed the wedding craze into a billion-dollar industry. Now couples can sign up for specially designed “wedding loans” that can help them to finance the wedding of their dreams, only to discover later that they cannot afford a loan for a house, a car, or an education. In short, their wedding loan has upended their ability to create a life together. We’ll return to these concerns later in more detail, but suffice it to say that if a couple wants to go into wedding debt it’s easy to do… and there are many people and institutions that are eager to help them do it!

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When it comes to the dollars in your wedding, you’re going to want to have some sense (not cents) about it. You’ll want to have a tightly knit plan that can help you emerge on the other side of the ceremony without having to mortgage your life. Over the years, I have counseled hundreds of couples on their way to the altar. I’ve seen the best and worst in weddings and marriages. But there are some observations that have held true over time. I have noted that weddings, like most everything else in life, tend to have trends, fads, and changes that are not unlike the changes we see in clothing styles, cars, or the desire for the latest electronic gadgets. A hundred years ago, when our great-grandparents and grandparents were getting married, ceremonies were generally quaint, simple, and brief. There were no five-thousand-seat auditoriums, no large reception halls, no catering services eager to meet the demand for three-course meals and decadent desserts. Many weddings in this day took place in living rooms or on lawns. In our parents’ day, ceremonies had moved from the living room to the church, but it was not uncommon for couples to travel to an exotic location to get married or to elope. The large reception halls and banquet facilities had yet to come into being, and most weddings had a punch and cake reception. Twenty-five years ago, when my wife and I got married (and all of our friends were also getting married it seemed) weddings tended to be quick, family-friendly affairs, still followed by a punch and cake reception. Some couples even opened their gifts at the reception and personally thanked their guests at that time. Larger weddings tended to include dancing and/or dinner, but those were rarer.


And why? It’s simple, really. For all three generations, life was much different than today. There were few bridal stores. There were far fewer reception areas available and catering services had not yet come into vogue. DJs were just beginning to catch on as a craze: this was the age of vinyl records and eight-track tapes, and if music was provided at a reception, it had to be offered by real flesh and blood musicians (which were expensive). There were few wedding planners, no bank loans, and far fewer credit cards. And there was no way to compare products over the Internet or shop online! Don’t misunderstand—this is not a diatribe about “the good old days” or a discussion about what we’ve lost or a lecture on how the younger generation has it so good. Rather, it is helpful to understand that we do live in a time when all of us (younger and older alike—and this includes our great-grandparents!) have more choices than at any other time in human history. We can choose between hundreds of brands of shampoo and toothpaste. There are hundreds of hotels. There are more restaurants than ever before. And our choices also extend to weddings, receptions, honeymoons, and a long list of options for music, attire, and travel. This is not cause for alarm, but celebration! In fact, I wish my wife and I could have had such a broad selection of options for our wedding. The fact that there are so many choices for weddings today makes it doubly difficult, I feel, for couples to plot a clear course for a debtfree wedding. The plethora of choices isn’t a bad thing; it’s just that many couples get lost in the planning craze and can’t steer clear of


the rocks or navigate around the shallows. There are so many bright lights shining in our eyes today, we often can’t tell the difference between a photo flash and a lighthouse (warning us of impending danger). It’s so easy to get caught up in the wedding that we lose sight of more important goals that involve our marriage and future. Just a few years back I noted how this myriad of choices was continually fueling one engaged couple’s arguments. Jackson and Linda had done a good job of planning the wedding ceremony—which was simple yet elegant—but they were having serious problems navigating through the many choices regarding their attire, their transportation, and their honeymoon. Every time one of them would offer an opinion, the other would chime in with the refrain, “But everyone does that! I want to do something unique!” They continued to discuss their options, but couldn’t seem to settle on a plan that was in line with their budget. Jackson wanted his men to wear alternating white and black tuxedoes (with checkerboard shoes nonetheless) but Linda wanted her bridesmaids to be dressed alike. They were looking at various wedding cakes, but Jackson insisted on chocolate, while Linda wanted coconut. And they were even further apart when it came to planning the dream honeymoon. “Too many choices,” Jackson said at one point. “That’s the problem.” Indeed, many of the best-laid plans and budgets go awry as soon as a couple faces the daunting challenge of making choices. Planning a wedding can be like walking onto a used car lot and being bombarded by fifty salesmen who are all trying to close a deal. Everyone—from the


bridal store clerk to the stationery printer—has his hand out, urging the eager couple to sign up, write a check, or slap it on the charge card. And, due to the intense competition for popular restaurants and reception areas, many couples begin going into debt months (even years) before the wedding day. So how can you avoid that?

What Matters to You It is helpful to keep in mind that the more time you have to plan your wedding (and hence the longer your engagement) the less stress you are going to feel as the big day approaches. Nothing spikes blood pressure like last-minute planning. But creating adequate time to plan will also give you adequate time to save for your wedding—and to formulate a financial outline that can guide you through the months preceding the wedding day. Likewise, it is helpful to keep in mind that a wedding is also a gathering of your family and friends—the people you love the most. This realization can be a source of strength and comfort to you as you think about your wedding day. There is no need to be nervous in the company of those who love you. And where love is found, there is no need to prove yourself to others, to put on airs, or to buy the favor of those who are closest to you. Concentrate on the people rather than the “stuff” and you’ll be much happier for it. Don’t allow your purchasing power to overtake your people power—just be yourself in your wedding plans and don’t feel that you have to prove anything through the gown you select, the flowers you choose, or the band or DJ you hire.


And don’t forget that a wedding is also a sacred moment. I like to remind couples that a wedding—at its foundation—is actually rather simple. A wedding is an invitation offered by a bride and groom, requesting the presence of their friends and family as they join in union before God—usually in a church or synagogue. Keep these things in mind as you plan your wedding. Or, rather, plan your wedding with these things in mind. These considerations will serve you well in the years to come. Just ask Frank and Patricia. About a year before their wedding, Patricia started planning the special day. She created a list of accessories that needed to be purchased—including her dress, the flowers, and the candles—but quickly became overwhelmed by the myriad of possibilities for the wedding ceremony and the reception. Although she had a good job as an elementary teacher in a public school, her income level was anything but extravagant, and because she was going to be paying for most of the wedding expenses herself she felt limited in her ability to produce the kind of wedding others might expect. She was also bombarded by friends and family—all well-meaning— who insisted that she consider a particular reception hall, a caterer, or a jeweler. Everyone seemed to have an opinion about every aspect of the wedding—as if cost was of no concern at all. Patricia “re-created” her list. This time, however, she began with other considerations in mind (other than just the “stuff” of the wedding). She asked questions like: What aspects of the wedding are most important to me?


How many guests must I invite? How can I create a simple yet elegant wedding? How can I have the wedding of my dreams without sacrificing my future? How can I get the most wedding for my budget? Through careful planning, Patricia was able to save enough money to maximize her wedding plans and even include a few extras that she didn’t think possible. Moreover, she actually returned home after the honeymoon debt-free. Perhaps, like Patricia, you too have a desire to make the most of your wedding without jeopardizing your future. But you wonder… how can I do it? Is there a plan that I can follow? The answer is Yes! As you explore the following chapters you’ll discover that you can have the wedding of your dreams and—at the end of the day—maybe even a little cash left over in your bank account. And really, wouldn’t that be a grand way to begin your marriage? Wouldn’t it be nice to have a financial cushion, rather than a financial burden, as you enter into your honeymoon year? There is a way.

C h a pt e r Two

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Understanding the Beautiful “Debt-Free” Wedding Philosophy

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By now some readers are probably asking the question: How is it possible to have a beautiful wedding on my budget? Or perhaps some readers are saying: I don’t have much money to work with, so how can I possibly get married? But don’t despair. There is a way to create a wedding on your budget, especially if you believe that real beauty isn’t something you purchase. In fact, you can even create a debt-free wedding that will set the stage for your marriage. First, remember that your wedding day debt is going to follow you into the marriage. If you’ve borrowed money to finance the wedding, you’re going to have to pay as soon as you return from the honeymoon. There are many couples who are still paying for their wedding ten years into their marriage. And, worse yet, I’ve known some men and women who were paying off wedding debt after they divorced. One woman I met fifteen years ago at a wedding seminar told me she was still paying off her wedding debt from wedding number two, and she was about to get married for the fifth time! Now that’s a tough way to fund a failed marriage! Second, financing a wedding through debt doesn’t reap future dividends. Remember, a wedding is a one-day event—and it is


difficult to justify a long-term debt for a one-day event, even an extremely important one! A mortgage, on the other hand, is a fifteen-, twenty-, or even thirty-year event—and can reap longterm dividends for a couple as they build home equity throughout their marriage. Finally, you simply don’t want to jeopardize your future—your ability to own a home, save for a family, save for an education, or any of a dozen other vital aspects of life—all for the sake of a frosted wedding cake. You want to have a debt-free wedding because it will offer you a better future—one where you and your fiancé can fulfill your dreams and plan a life together. One year, five years, ten years after your wedding, you’ll be glad you came home from your honeymoon debtfree. You’ll be able to look back and say, “All of this success and happiness began there, and we’ve got the money to prove it!” At every seminar I have conducted I try to include one couple who has already embraced the idea and who can express how budgeting for a debt-free wedding has changed their lives. A debtfree wedding may not seem like such a big deal while you are deep in the throes of walking down the aisle or greeting your guests at a blowout reception—but a year after the wedding, you’ll be glad you took the time to budget wisely and to begin your life together on a firm financial foundation. Essentially, adopting a debt-free wedding philosophy is akin to adopting a plan for your future. It is telling yourself that the wedding day is not an end in itself, but the beginning of a marriage. And if your wedding day is a beginning, and if you are truly concerned about the strength of your marriage, than you won’t want to begin

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your married life together saddled by a mountain of debt. Having a debt-free wedding is giving yourself permission to have a life. It is a philosophy shaped by a specific plan (which you can create) to finance your own wedding—and not to be beholden to the credit card companies, the bank, or a line of credit. The debt-free wedding philosophy is easy to understand. It will not overwhelm you with charts and figures. It won’t dazzle you with fancy formulas. You will be the one shaping your wedding, planning your budget, and creating the debt-free approach. In fact, your debt-free wedding may be very different from another debt-free wedding. It’s not about size, or number of guests, or even appearances. It is about the results you are able to produce and the wedding you want, no matter what your budget. As you read through this book you will find that creating a debtfree wedding is as easy as one, two, three. Three steps. Three parts to the planning.

What’s in Your Wedding? First, it is essential that you understand what is involved in a wedding. You’ll find that this book contains a list of wedding, reception, and honeymoon items which will help you determine what you want to include in your wedding. Your wedding list will be similar to a shopping list that you might put together before you go to the grocery store. Making your list and checking it twice will be the first step in planning your debt-free wedding and setting your budget. That way, you won’t be wasting money on nonessentials, and you will be less


prone to buying on a whim or to allowing people to talk you into wedding items you don’t really need. You’ll be the one in control— because you know where you are going. You’re the one establishing the goal.

Planning to Save Next you’ll want to establish a savings plan for your wedding. There are many ways to do this, as you will see in Part Two. Your personal wedding list will inform your choice of how to save. Moreover, you will be able to gain important experience that will impact your future and help you in the years ahead. You will find that saving for your debt-free wedding will help you to live more freely and fully.

Finding Discounts and Incentives The bulk of this book (Part Three) contains specific information that will help you devote fewer dollars to your wedding. You will be able to get more for less. You will learn how to network for the best prices. You will find hundreds of creative ideas that can help you stretch your dollars, and you’ll also find valuable tips and websites you can visit to help you create the most beautiful wedding on your budget. Before you walk into a bridal shop, go online, or say “I do” to the first salesperson who asks you to purchase a wedding dress, you’ll want to do your homework. You’ll find that planning a debt-free wedding may be easier than you realized, if you give yourself time and permission to save money on your purchases! One of the most successful brides I encountered was an older lady named Linda, who was getting married for the third time. Her first

Understanding the Beautiful “Debt-Free” Wedding Philosophy H 23

husband had died, she had been divorced from her second husband for about three years, and she had met a wonderful older man over an online dating service. They hit it off and wanted to get married— but debt-free. I invited her to come and talk to our group—and she truly had an impact. “It is so easy to get caught up in the wedding frenzy,” she told our group of younger couples. “There are so many beautiful dresses, gorgeous flowers, special reception sites—it’s just overwhelming. But I think you will discover that you don’t need lots of frills and folderol to have a beautiful wedding. Make a budget, stick to it, and keep your plans simple. That’s the key to success.” Linda shared with the group how she and her (then) fiancé had taken long drives through the countryside, looking for an older country church in which to be married. This setting was reminiscent of their early years in the country, and the thought of getting married in an old country church was appealing to both of them. They planned to invite just a handful of close friends to the wedding, and they would have the reception when they returned from their honeymoon cruise. They weren’t looking to spend money (though they had enough of it), but to save money. And they weren’t looking to impress either—just to be true to themselves. In the end they managed to locate an abandoned country church that was owned by an older couple who had plans to renovate it into an antique mall. The couple allowed Linda to be married there, and it was a spectacular day all around. Though the site wasn’t awesome, it was unique, and after a bit of cleaning, it served its purpose well.


“The most important thing I learned,” Linda said, “is that a wedding should be a celebration of life, not a funeral for the future. Be sure your wedding is going to affirm your relationship rather than destroy it. If you are honest with yourself, set a workable budget, and follow some of the money-saving techniques, you are going to have a debt-free wedding.” Keeping your wedding within a budget by adopting the beautiful debt-free wedding philosophy is going to save you money—but it’s also going to give you a better marriage and a solid future. Take charge of your wedding. Don’t consider it drudgery. And most importantly—have fun!

C h a pt e r T hree

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Making Your List, Checking It Twice

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As you begin putting together the details of your wedding, take a few minutes to consider all that you may want to include in your special day. Begin by making a list of everything that is involved in a wedding (in the traditional sense) and then proceed from there. The detailed list that follows can serve as a starting point to help you plan your own debt-free wedding. Put a check mark next to those items that you think will figure into your wedding—we’ll worry about detailing the costs and money-saving tips in a subsequent chapter. But for now, be honest with yourself about the wedding you hope to plan, all the while keeping your budget needs in mind. Determining your priorities within this list is helpful. Next to each item you can write: E—for those essential, must-have wedding elements N—for items you think you’ll need W—for those items you want, but don’t absolutely need D—for those items you don’t need Once you’ve completed your list, proceed to Chapter Four and we’ll begin formulating a financial plan that will get you on the road to creating your beautiful wedding.

My Wedding List

RINGS

Alterations

Engagement Ring

Jewelry

Bride’s Ring

Gown Storage

Groom’s Ring REHEARSAL DINNER BRIDAL CONSULTANT CEREMONY COUNSELING

Venue/ Site Rental Music/Musicians

WEDDING STATIONERY/

Officiant

ANNOUNCEMENTS, ETC.

Marriage License

Save the Dates

Flowers

Invitations

Decorations

Announcements

Unity Candle Set

Wedding Programs Thank You Notes

RECEPTION Venue/

Maps

Site rental

Postage

Caterer Beverages/Wine

ATTIRE

Paper Products

Gown

Flowers/Décor

Headpiece/Veil

Music

WEDDING CAKE

Accessories

Cake Cake Decorations

TRANSPORTATION

Cake Topper

Limo

Cake Knife

Other

Groom’s Cake GIFTS PHOTOGRAPHY

For Attendants

Engagement Photo

Each Other

Wedding Photos

Parents

Photo Albums Cameras

MISCELLANEOUS Guest Registry

VIDEOGRAPHY

Storage Containers

Taping Fee

Bridal Magazines

Editing Fee Copies

HONEYMOON Room for Wedding Night

FOR THE GROOM

Transportation

Tux

Hotel

Shirt

Tours

Tie

Meals

Vest/Cummerbund

Passports

Shoes

Wardrobe Spending Cash


Now that you have your list, let’s get you started on a plan to create a beautiful wedding on your budget. Don’t doubt you can do it! You can take control of your wedding and your marriage. And you can create the kind of life you’ve always wanted.

How It’s Done… For many couples, the idea of a debt-free wedding seems like a fairy tale. They think, it can’t be done. Or, I won’t be able to have the kind of wedding I want. Or, I’ll spend now and pay later. But in actuality there are many couples who plan beautiful weddings—dream weddings—on many budgets, and who manage to finance the full package without going into debt or jeopardizing their futures. As you get started on your budgeting process, take a look at how the costs break down in an average wedding and reception. The items listed here correspond to the wedding list on pages 26 and 27 and in the money-saving practices you will find in Part Three of this book. Using these percentages as a guide, you can create your own wedding budget, or use one of the sample budgets you’ll find below. By way of explanation, you will note that I have not included the engagement ring in any of these wedding budgets (though that may be an up-front expense for the groom), and I have conveniently lumped the Reception/Catering/Beverage and Cake together, as these costs will consistently, when taken together, account for fifty percent of your wedding costs. The reception, then, gives you much more flexibility when figuring your budget, but please read Part Three of this book to find dozens of money-saving tips for these expenses!

Making Your List, Checking It Twice H 29

Ave rag e We dd i ng /Rece p t ion Bu dget

Item

Percentage of Budget

Rings

5%

Stationery

3%

Gown and Accessories

8%

Ceremony Location

2%

Music

3%

Flowers

7%

Décor

5%

Reception/Catering/

Beverages/Cake

50%

Photography

10%

Transportation

2%

Miscellaneous

5%

In case you are wondering what a debt-free wedding budget might look like in terms of real dollars, here are three sample budgets that can help you get started. Keep in mind that each of these weddings can be beautiful even though they have very different budgets and goals. Each of these budgets, however, corresponds with the percentages you will find in the average wedding budget (above), and should help you contour your own beautiful wedding to meet your needs. As you read through this book, you may find it helpful to use one of these samples as a guide, adding or subtracting various items in order to fit into your budget.


Budget #1

Total: $5,000

Rings

$250

Stationery

$150


$400

Ceremony Location

$100

Music

$150

Flowers

$350

Décor

$250

Reception/Catering/

Beverages/Cake

$2,500

Photography/Videography

$500

Transportation

$100

Miscellaneous

$250

Budget #2

Total: $10,000

Rings

$500

Stationery

$300


$800

Ceremony Location

$200

Music

$300

Flowers

$700

Décor

$500

Reception/Catering/

Beverages/Cake

$5,000


$1,000

Transportation

$200

Miscellaneous

$500


Budget #3

Total: $15,000

Rings

$750

Stationery

$450


$1,200

Ceremony Location

$300

Music

$450

Flowers

$1,050

Décor

$750

Reception/Catering/

Beverages/Cake

$7,500


$1,500

Transportation

$300

Miscellaneous

$750

If you are working with your parents, your fiancé, or with a planner to help keep your costs in check, be sure to include them in your discussion.

There is no doubt that you can create a wedding budget that will work for you. Even if your finances are limited, there are ways to create a beautiful wedding without going into debt. I’ve been a part of many beautiful weddings that didn’t cost enormous sums of money. Over the past twenty-five years I’ve conducted many premarital workshops and personal planning sessions with couples who express these financial concerns. They’ve taught me a great deal. And I hope I’ve been able to teach them a few things, too. I’ve helped couples focus on marriage rather than the wedding itself, but during these


workshops we have also discussed hundreds of ways to save money on a wedding. The Courtos were one such couple. When I met Mark and Brenda, Mark was working as an automobile mechanic in a local garage. Brenda was attending a beauty college, working to complete a beautician’s license, but she was also putting in part-time hours in a clothing store. Together they earned, shall we say, a moderate income. They weren’t going to get wealthy in their respective careers. Still, they wanted to have a nice wedding, and they wondered how they could plan the event within their budget. During the workshop, Mark and Brenda used the wedding checklist to focus on those aspects of their wedding that were most important to them. They had a fair number of essentials (like wedding rings and a cake), and they also included a short list of items they thought would be nice (such as flowers, champagne, and a limo). A year away from their wedding date, they then began to do their homework—researching how much each item would cost, visiting bridal stores to obtain prices, writing down the details. Additionally, Mark and Brenda began to set aside one hundred dollars each month (small as it was) toward the wedding costs. They looked for bargains. They asked friends and family members to help with aspects of the wedding (like photography, flowers, and video). And they also found creative ways to shape their reception and honeymoon around lowcost options that were readily available, yet tasteful. For example, Mark and Brenda loved to bowl and, since they knew the owner of the local bowling alley, they were able to reserve a large party room at the back of the alley for their reception. Brenda


created her own centerpieces and her mother made some fantastic pasta dishes for the dinner. They used the sound system in the room for their music, and one of Mark’s friends set up a computer and a screen to show a PowerPoint presentation of the bride and groom. In the end, they had a debt-free wedding, and they planned their honeymoon a month after the ceremony to correspond with Brenda’s graduation from college. After taking a new job in an upscale beauty salon, Brenda’s additional income was enough to finance a three-day honeymoon trip to the Bahamas! In this same workshop, another couple was working out their own wedding plans, but on a much larger scale. Rick and Tonya were in their thirties, were both previously divorced, and each of them had high-paying jobs with a pharmaceutical company. While neither had a plush bank account, they certainly possessed “earning power.” They didn’t, however, want to jeopardize their future for the wedding. Each was bringing a child from a previous marriage into the picture, and, as they expressed it, “Children are expensive!” They wanted to be sure that they had a sound financial footing in which to raise their blended family. Still, Rick and Tonya had big plans for their wedding. They pinpointed many items as essential for the ceremony and reception, and seemed eager to create a fine, upscale experience for all of their family and friends. At one point they wrote down the figure— $40,000—as an optimal amount they were willing to spend on their fully catered day. But how could they finance it without going into debt… even with their great jobs?


Months away from the ceremony, Rick and Tonya created a sound financial plan for funding their celebration. First, they began earmarking some funds from their paychecks into a direct deposit money market account. These monthly deposits formed the foundation of their wedding savings and, as Rick told the group, “You don’t miss what you don’t receive.” Likewise, Tonya—a shrewd businesswoman—began searching for the best deals on wedding dresses, cakes, reception halls, catering services, and airfare to Hawaii. She networked, steered clear of the obvious bad deals, and at one point elicited the help of two or three friends who were able to provide discounted services. Rick and Linda also used their frequent-flier miles for the honeymoon. They used debit cards instead of credit cards. They did some of their own shopping for reception food and champagne. And their wedding ceremony was first-rate, but not extravagant. In the end, they actually came in well under their $40,000 budget (by necessity) and they had purchased enough items along the way that they didn’t end up with “sticker shock” just a few days before the wedding. They were able to go on their honeymoon and enjoy it, knowing that they were debt-free.

Using Your List Like these two couples from the workshop, you can also use your list to create a plan to fund your wedding. No doubt you have the same potential they do—regardless of your income, your age, or your station in life. In fact, you might even use your debt-free wedding plans to get out of debt (if you are in debt) and to actually save money for your marriage!


To many couples, planning a beautiful wedding on a budget may seem radical, but as they get into the planning, they discover that it can actually be rather fun. Most couples—even those who aren’t raging shopaholics—soon discover that finding the best price on a wedding dress or a tuxedo possesses a certain thrill of its own. Some enjoy trying to find free items. Some like the thought of participating in contests that offer all-expenses-paid trips and honeymoon packages. Still others discover a philosophy that teaches them to save—an increasingly lost art in our society. And others simply enjoy the whole idea of putting together a wedding that will fit securely into a budget designed for their future happiness. There are a lot of resources out there that can help you spend your money. You’ll see many beautiful photos, displays, and presentations that will entice you. You’ll been given hundreds of opportunities to drop significant amounts of money into your wedding plans. But this book is intended to help you navigate a course through all the glitz and discover how you can create a workable wedding budget. You’ll learn how to save and how and where to look. You may not even have to go without anything in your wedding if you plan and save well. It’s all in the approach and the resolve. But let’s get more specific about how you can do this.

C h a pt e r Four

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Popping the Questions

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Over the years, I’ve fielded dozens of questions from couples who earnestly wanted to know: how can I create a beautiful wedding on my budget? Often, the answers have come through conversation, sometimes through exploration, and at other times through research, common sense, or experience. Planning a beautiful wedding on a debt-free budget is like going on a journey. It requires a sensible set of questions from the outset, and couples who embark with their eyes on the destination are much more likely to reach the port of their dreams. Writing my debt-free wedding blog has shown me that there are thousands of money-saving, debt-busting questions that couples can ask, and in this chapter we will explore some of the most common ones. No doubt you will discover that some of these questions are your questions, too!

Are there ways to have an elegant wedding without the high costs? There are many ways to cut costs—even if you desire an exceptionally elegant wedding. In fact, the wealthiest people are often the ones


who have learned how to find the best deals and who have learned the secrets of cutting costs. But don’t forget that elegance can be defined in many different ways. Some weddings could be defined as “simple, yet elegant.” Others may be extravagantly elegant. You don’t have to pay premium for an elegant wedding. Concentrate on what’s beautiful to you. Think simplicity of color, sound, and taste.

How can I have a large wedding on a small income? Keep in mind that “big” and “small” are relative terms. What is big to one person may be small potatoes to another. Don’t fall into the trap of comparing your wedding to someone else’s wedding. Remember: this is your wedding! It is also your marriage. No one else can live it for you. Of course, you do want to get the most for your money, and this is probably the spirit of your question. Or maybe you want to know: How can I invite more people to my wedding and reception and still afford it? How can the day be spectacular but affordable? How do I manage a dream wedding? There are several answers that come to mind. First, don’t forget that the longer you have to plan your wedding, the more money you can save toward the wedding. If you are looking to have a large wedding with a turnaround time of two weeks, that’s a difficulty. But if you are planning a large wedding in sixteen months, that’s another story. In Part Two of this book, you’ll find a host of creative ways to save money for a wedding and to find the best discounts. Start there on the financial end.

Popping the Questions H 39

Second, the “size” of your wedding may not be the most important factor, when you think about it. Once you begin putting together your guest list, you may be surprised at how the list might be shorter or narrower than you first thought. Some of your friends will not be able to attend. You will have family members who are out of town. And there is a rule of thumb that says you can expect to receive RSVPs from about half of your guest list. In short, your wedding may not be as large as you expect. In fact, the average wedding is somewhere in the 150 to 200 guest range. Essentially, don’t forget that there is a sizeable difference between a “big” wedding and a “big” reception. Inviting a lot of guests to your big wedding ceremony is less expensive than having those same guests at a big reception. If you concentrate on the wedding itself and have a more simple reception, you might be surprised at what you can afford. In short, it will be more important for you to know the number of guests who will be attending your reception, as the reception expenses are usually greater than the wedding expenses.

How can I determine the type of wedding I can afford? There are numerous books and resources out there that can help you determine how to manage your money, how to organize your household budget, or how to analyze the stock market for optimal returns. But as far as wedding plans are concerned, you don’t need any fancy charts or formulas to figure out what you can afford. You know what you earn per year (I hope!) and with a piece of paper and a pencil you should be able to draw up a very simple (+) and (-) spreadsheet


that can help you determine your monthly income (that’s +) and your monthly expenditures or costs (that’s -). If you are spending everything you earn (you have no savings or investments), then try using your wedding plans as a vehicle to begin a savings plan. Sit down and make a list of all of your unnecessary purchases, for instance. (Most people are surprised at how much they spend on coffee, snack foods, eating out, or impulse purchases such as DVDs and CDs.) Making a list of these items and deleting them from your expenditures can usually save you hundreds, and potentially thousands, of dollars a year. This is the money that can go toward your wedding plans—and, as I say, most people, when they are honest in this exercise, can save more money than they imagine! Also, don’t overlook interest rates. Many times people focus on the nickels and dimes instead of looking at how a one or two percent difference in interest rates (on credit cards, loans, mortgage, etc.) can save them thousands of dollars a year. Finding the best rates, or ridding yourself of interest altogether (the best deal!) can have lifechanging consequences. So when you ask, what can I afford?—this is really a question of priorities. It is very likely that you can afford to finance your wedding if you make it a priority. Instead of buying those CDs and DVDs of your favorite music and movies, use the library. Buy coffee to brew at home instead of getting it at the drive-through. Eat out less. Rent DVDs instead of going to the movies. Eat mac ’n’ cheese for dinner every now and then. Even if you have a small income, you might be able to afford a much larger wedding if you plan accordingly and learn to live within your means.


You’ve probably heard the saying, “Act your age.” Well, when it comes to daily living and making your wedding plans, you should “act your wage.” Use your wedding list to size up the essential aspects of your special day, price them out, and see where the numbers take you. Again, be honest with yourself. If you aren’t being honest with your own finances, no one else will be. In your heart (and accompanied by some simple mathematics), you know what you can afford!

What does a wedding cost these days? As mentioned in the introduction of this book, the average cost of a wedding in the United States now tops out at $28,000. But this figure, keep in mind, is the average. And this figure doesn’t include the honeymoon costs or the premarital costs (such as an engagement ring). This average is also figured on the basis of 150 to 200 guests (again, an average) and includes many amenities that you may, or may not, include in your wedding. So even this is a relative figure. I’ve also seen higher figures for weddings. Brides magazine ran an article some months back that listed the average as $30,000 (in 2007 dollars), but that’s still in the ballpark, though it is often difficult to gauge what criteria are being used to figure the average. But at any rate the average wedding cost is significant… and getting higher. If you want to know the average cost of a wedding in your city, check out the website www.costofwedding.com. It’s one of the best sites for quick calculation, and the site contains a wealth of other information about wedding costs as well as practical saving tips. Just


enter your zip code on the website and you’ll get the average cost in your town. But regardless of what the average cost is—don’t let that influence your wedding plans. Remember, you are in control of your future! If the numbers seem daunting, keep in mind that your wedding may not include some of these costs. Likewise, there is a trend toward smaller weddings now, and couples are using some very creative ideas when it comes to location, reception costs, and other amenities. When you get to Part Three of this book you will find more than enough creative ideas and no doubt you’ll discover some that you can use to whittle your wedding budget. The bottom line: don’t let averages scare you. And certainly don’t begin planning your wedding believing that you can’t beat the average. You can!

How should I prioritize my wedding plans? Having worked with hundreds of couples through the years, it’s still a given that the ceremony itself has a high priority in the minds and hearts of most couples. People still want meaningful words, thoughtful music, and religious tradition to be a part of their matrimony. I always urge couples to concentrate on the wedding ceremony itself as a first priority. But that’s not to say that the ceremony has to be expensive, nor even take place in a traditional setting like a church or synagogue. Many couples opt for a lower cost ceremony (though nicely done) and choose to put the bulk of their expense in the reception, the honeymoon, or even on a down payment for a house.


Again, using your wedding list, you should be able to figure your major expenditures. But don’t forget that some aspects of the wedding and reception—such as location—can’t be put off too long. Reservations—often a year or more in advance—may be needed to secure the location you desire. The real estate mantra holds true for wedding plans, too: location, location, location. Once you have the place, everything else will fall into line.

What if my fiancé and I can’t agree on our wedding expenditures? This is not uncommon. In most relationships, one person tends to be more frugal, while the other tends to be more liberal with spending. The important factor in planning a debt-free wedding is sticking to your budget. But you may still find yourselves arguing over the details. As a general rule, consider the following ideas in helping you to decide what is most important in your budgeting. What aspects of your wedding day will have the greatest impact in your marriage? What items are you going to take with you into the marriage? A year after your wedding, what will you cherish most about that day? As a couple, you can also use some communication techniques to guide you in your discussion, especially if you have a tendency to fight about finances. Don’t let disagreements shut down effective communication. It will be important that you develop good


communication techniques for your marriage, so begin early and don’t be afraid to talk about those areas of your relationship that cause stress. Learn how to approach each other, respect each other, and affirm each other. Good communication is an equal blend of speaking and listening, with the latter skill being far more important than the former. Don’t get into the pattern of seeing who can “outyell” the other or into a pattern of winning or losing, with one person gaining the high ground or superiority over the other. By using the following skills, you should be able to effectively talk about your wedding budget (including your bills, income, debt, and future plans). Discuss your budget ideas in an appropriate setting and time. Do not, for example, bring up your wedding budget disagreements while you are out to dinner with friends or while you are waiting in line to see a movie. Plan a time and a place when you can be alone, you will have no distractions, and you will be able to concentrate on the conversation. State your case succinctly and in a calm tone. Don’t yell, berate, or chastise your partner. Expect the same in return. Listen to your partner. This doesn’t involve just hearing the words, but truly understanding the intent, ideas, and emotion behind his/her position. Work toward agreement whenever possible. A win-win outcome is optimal, but don’t expect this to be the outcome every time. Then work toward compromise.


Be prepared to disagree, but also be prepared to let go of any animosities either of you may have as part of the conversation. Also, be prepared to be a hero and make concessions for the improvement of the relationship. Be certain, however, that concession is not just one-sided. Sometimes you may need to be the hero, but your partner should also share equally in this type of response. Make sure you repeat what you have decided together (in a mutually affirming tone). This way, your decisions are a partnership and both of you are able to agree that this is what you’ve decided. Finally, if you have difficulty talking or stating your ideas verbally, use all of the above steps, but write it out. Have pencil and paper for both of you and write out your agreement. By following these steps you should be able to set a workable budget for your wedding, stick to the budget together, and celebrate what you have accomplished. You will have a more fulfilling wedding and marriage if you can stick together and be of one mind as you make both big and small decisions together.

What are some of the easiest ways to cut wedding costs? In Part Three of this book, I’m going to list dozens of ways you can save on wedding costs and also provide information on where you can find the type of deep discounts that will truly have an impact on your budget. But here let me offer a few summary ideas that will get you off to a good start in lowering your costs right out of the gate.


Don’t Pay Rent! Anyone who looks closely at the cost of a wedding/reception will quickly discover that some of the greatest costs are rental fees. In most instances, a couple who must find a church or synagogue for their wedding is going to pay a site rental fee. Those who are members of a church or synagogue, however, rarely do. Likewise, renting a reception hall, a restaurant, or a dozen rooms at the Hilton is going to set anybody back a few bucks. How can you avoid paying rent? One solution is to have your wedding outside. Instead of renting an expensive reception hall, check with your local parks department for available space (these are often free or very low-cost). And don’t forget to check on spaces that might be available where you work. Also, do you belong to any clubs or organizations that might allow you to use a meeting space? Beach weddings can be lovely, and some backyards make excellent backdrops for weddings. Another idea is to stay in the church or synagogue for the reception. Many such places of worship have rooms suitable for smaller parties, and these spaces are usually much less expensive than commercial space. Remember that low rent is better than high rent—some banquet halls offer a lower site fee if you use their on-site catering services. Accommodations are another rental cost that often gets overlooked. Sometimes the bride and groom feel that they need to arrange overnight stays for some guests or members of the wedding party. If you feel that you must do this, see if you can find friends and family who would be willing to put them up for a night or two instead of booking rooms in a pricey hotel. You might also find that


you can rent a house or an apartment for a few nights at a much lower rate than a hotel. And finally, if you are considering renting tables and chairs for your reception, don’t! If you network, you should be able to find some of the tables and chairs you will need, and at no cost to you, especially if you are able to use a space at work or if you have a room used by a club or organization. Many of these spaces will have tables and chairs included in the rental agreement, and you can always negotiate.

Ask Friends and Family to Help As you plan your wedding, don’t go overboard with hiring lots of outside help. I’ve seen fantastic weddings—very sharp, upscale weddings—that were put together by family members and friends of the bride and groom. If you think about it, you probably know someone who has an expensive digital camera, or someone who can shoot great DVDs on a camcorder, or someone who bakes delicious cakes, or someone who knows wine, food, and music. And besides, hiring outside help does not always produce the best results. I’ve known many couples who have hired professional photographers, only to have their photos lost, stolen, or misplaced by the “pro.” I’ve heard musical ensembles played by symphony orchestra members who obviously had no heart for the occasion (their expressions revealed their boredom). And I’ve eaten food prepared by choice restaurants that made me yearn for a Big Mac. In other words, don’t think that expensive means “better.” In many instances the old adage holds true—you get what you pay for.


But if you are planning a debt-free wedding, I know you can find some of the expert help you are seeking among your own friends and family. I’ve never seen a family yet that wasn’t gifted with great voices, fine cooks, competent bakers, and keen decorators and planners. You know these people already. And better yet—they love you! Use them, and save!

Use the K.I.S.S. Principle Perhaps you’ve heard of the K.I.S.S. principle? Keep It Simple, Stupid. Of course, you’re not stupid, but you know how this works, and how it saves money. The more complex you make your wedding, the more the costs are going to accumulate. The simpler you make your special day, the more you are going to save. And there are other benefits, too. Consider, for example, the benefits of simplicity when it comes to your peace of mind and your stress factor. You’re going to be nervous anyway—especially as the day approaches. But if you’ve created a complicated monster of a wedding, you’re going to be working overtime keeping all the details in order. I’ve seen brides who nearly fainted under the pressure—and they couldn’t enjoy their own wedding because they were overly concerned with keeping “the show” from falling apart. It’s as if they created an Academy Awards night instead of a wedding, and they felt they had to be the host, the presenter, the recipient, and the spokesperson all rolled into one. Believe me—you’ll save big-time money if you follow the K.I.S.S. principle!


If I have to choose between the ceremony, the reception, and the honeymoon costs, where should I cut? This depends on your priorities and needs. Again, you should be able to organize a low-cost wedding ceremony, and the costs of your reception are wholly dependent upon the number of guests you are inviting, what you are serving them, and the number of amenities (DJ, band, dinner, dancing, swimming, etc.) you are offering. You can also have a low-cost honeymoon. If you go to the beach, take a wine tour, or even fly to a well-traveled destination, you should be able to organize an affordable getaway. And don’t forget, on the honeymoon, you’ll be focusing on each other anyway. Chances are you’ll not even notice the scenery. You might find the bedroom at the hotel more enticing than a nice restaurant. Don’t plan so many activities on your honeymoon that you can’t enjoy each other. Don’t arrange a furious schedule. Just be! Enjoy. The simpler your honeymoon, the more you’re going to appreciate the relaxation and the good company of your sweetheart. Be sure to talk about your priorities and budget accordingly.

How can I know if I’m on the right track to a debt-free wedding on my budget? There are two steps to a debt-free wedding. First, create a budget (a specific amount you are going to spend on everything—the ceremony, reception, and honeymoon). Check out the sample budgets provided earlier in this book. The next step is sticking to your budget. Don’t use credit. Don’t take out a loan. Don’t sidestep the obvious costs or pretend that these expenditures aren’t real, or worse, that somehow


these costs don’t apply to the total budget. Don’t fall into the common trap of charging your expenses and pretending that you won’t have to pay for them later. If you use your wedding list to itemize the things you need, you can use the same list to keep track of how much you are spending on each item. Compare prices. Shop around. Get the best deals. For example, as you create the list of your wedding items and your total budget, allow some space on the side for your notes and prices related to each item. As you shop, compare, and find the best deals, you’ll be able to gauge how well you are staying within your total budget. Knowledge is power. And knowing how much you are spending will empower you, also, to save. If you have difficulty staying on task or on target, ask a friend or family member to help keep you honest in your expenditures. Tell them about your plan for a debt-free wedding. A trustworthy friend can help guide you to success.

How can I plan a debt-free wedding if I’m already in debt? This may be one of the most important, insightful, and honest questions you could ask. It’s also a common concern. There are many couples who bring debt—sometimes enormous debt—into a marriage. If you or your fiancé already have debt, it will be all the more important for you to adhere to the debt-free wedding philosophy. You won’t want to go into more debt because of the wedding and further erode your ability to live comfortably. But if you are already in debt, consider one of the following plans.


More Time, More Money Begin working to pay down your current debt before the wedding. Concentrate, especially, on credit card debt or any high-interest loans. Work to pay off one, and then another. Pay the higher interest rate cards off first. Consolidate your credit debt if you can. The more time you can give yourself to do this, the more you will be able to attack the debt. I say attack because that is the philosophy you should adopt if you are going to stay focused. Don’t pay on your debt for a month or two, then decide that it’s time to load the credit cards again and purchase that big screen television. Don’t wimp out. Pay down your debt, and keep paying it down. Divide your total credit card debt into larger payments and be sure to pay more than the minimum on your credit card bill. If you get a bonus check from work, apply the full amount to the debt. If you get a tax refund, don’t spend it on more stuff—use it to pay down the debt. Where you can, begin saving a few dollars here and there. Put these dollars in a dedicated wedding account. Don’t touch this money. Adopt a hands-off philosophy until you can begin planning your debt-free wedding.

More Job, Less Stress If you can work a second job—taking on a few hours at Starbucks, at a supermarket, at a retail store, or doing odd jobs—try it! Perhaps you have freelancing potential as an accountant, a journalist, or a grant writer. Or maybe you can make jewelry, conduct scrapbooking


classes, or start a sideline in lawn care or house painting. Dedicate this money to paying down your current debt. There are thousands of people who manage to find a few extra hours to make a few extra bucks. And when large debt is involved, use your time wisely. Even a few extra hours of work each week can make a big difference in paying down a debt. A few years ago I talked to a bride who had taken on baby-sitting jobs for her friends. These few extra evenings and weekend hours were enough to help her create some additional income and help her friends, too. There are many ways to carve out a few extra hours of work here and there. Extra work is stressful, but it is not as stressful as having creditors knocking on your door or getting phone calls from bill collectors. Once again, stay focused on the prize of becoming debt-free. Likewise, when you can, start that dedicated wedding account and don’t touch it for a few months. Let your money work for you, not against you.

Go Cold Turkey In his book, The Ultimate Cheapskate’s Road Map to True Riches, Jeff Yeager offers the concept of undertaking a spending fast. Set a time limit—a week, two weeks—and spend absolutely no money during this time. Pay ahead on your mortgage, your car, your utilities if you have to, but don’t open your wallet or scan a credit card during your fast. Eat the food in your pantry and fridge. Drink water. Walk. Ride a bike. Be creative. Find freebies. Live like a pauper.


During this time, see how much you can save to pay down your debt. Try the fast one week per month. Don’t spend anything. Save, save, save. And don’t forget to save a little bit, too, for your debtfree wedding.

Can a wedding consultant/coordinator help me to have a debtfree wedding? There are two things to consider in the hiring of a wedding consultant/ coordinator. First, a coordinator doesn’t work for free (unless you have someone in the family like a mother or sister doing this work for you). So a wedding consultant will cost money, and you’ll have to figure this fee into your total wedding costs. Second, a wedding consultant could potentially save you money, or help you to have a debt-free wedding, if you follow some basic guidelines. You’ll need to remember that your goal is a debt-free wedding, and the wedding coordinator will have to be onboard with your goal. He/she will be working for you (not the other way around!) and will be expected to work hard to find you the best deals and the most bang for your buck. The wedding planner will also have to know your budget limitations and accept your budget as a firm rule. Wedding coordinators who want to have fun working with a smaller budget can save you money and, potentially, lots of time. Be sure that you have open and honest consultation with the wedding planner before you sign a contract or reach an agreement and don’t be afraid to ask about the fees, percentages, or billing procedures he/she will use to assess the final bill. Make sure there are no hidden charges.


Many people use wedding planners because they don’t have the time to invest in all the details of the wedding. If you have time—and enjoy planning your own affairs—you probably don’t even need a wedding coordinator. But if you are a busy person with many obligations, a good wedding planner can save you time and, hopefully, money. Just be sure this is the case. Finally—don’t be afraid to plan debt-free by using one of these creative wedding coordinator ideas. Use a family member as your wedding planner (for free) if you can trust his/her judgment and work ethic. Swap roles with a good friend. You serve as the wedding planner for her wedding, and she returns the favor for you. Two weddings for one—and you both save! Just be sure you can trust each other! Get a “group rate” with a wedding planner. Go in with some friends to get a “package deal.” Enlist several friends who are also getting married to go in together and use the same wedding planner. Many wedding planners will likely give you all a break on the fees if he/she can work on several weddings at the same time.

Should I purchase wedding insurance? Any time people are investing large sums of money, you can be sure that insurance companies won’t be far behind, providing all manner and means of insurance plans. Yes, you can purchase wedding insurance. But should you?


Basically, people buy insurance to offset the possibility of hardship (in the event of accident, death, or lawsuit). But wedding insurance essentially covers you in the event someone gets hurt at the reception, or there is some calamity that keeps some of your key guests from getting to the wedding (after you’ve assumed the cost of getting them there). Some wedding insurance can cover you in the event of a natural disaster or if your fiancé is deployed by the military and you have to postpone the wedding. But regardless, be sure to read the fine print! Essentially, if you love each other, and you are moving ahead with your wedding plans, and you don’t have megamillions invested in your wedding plans, why worry about buying a policy you likely won’t use? Sure, someone could trip or fall at the reception, but what are the odds a guest will come after you in court? You’d have a better chance of hitting pay dirt by buying a lottery ticket—and those aren’t good odds, either! I’ve never heard of a single couple collecting on wedding insurance.

How do I think about a budget if others are paying for my wedding (parents, future in-laws, etc.)? There was a bride who once told me, “My father’s middle name is ‘deep pockets.’” That may be true for some brides, and if it is—more power to you. But experience tells me that most people who are paying for a wedding have a financial limit in mind. And couples should never assume that other people are automatically picking up the tab. I’ve known more than a few couples who assumed that their parents were paying the whole bill, only to discover later that


mom and dad didn’t know about the caviar and the limo ride to the airport. No one likes surprises, especially when it comes to money. I have also known families who have made verbal agreements about wedding costs—usually with the groom’s parents offering to pay some portion of the wedding/reception costs—only to discover that memory is a shaky thing and people don’t always have the same recollection about the money. Agreements of this type often end in hurt feelings, and sometimes families, who would otherwise be friends, end up feeling like enemies. If there is an agreement being discussed about paying for wedding costs, be certain that there is an ironclad understanding and try to write out the details and the actual numbers (dollars and cents) that are to be exchanged, as well as how and when. It is also helpful to have face-to-face conversations about wedding costs, rather than through long-distance telephone calls, emails, or text messages. Sitting down at a table together is the best way to reach an agreement and share feelings. Exchanging emails may be easy, but nothing beats person-to-person contact. Never assume that, just because it’s “tradition” or “expected,” mom or dad or a wealthy relative is going to pay. And even if they are, the very least that a couple can do is keep mom and dad up-todate on the costs. It’s not only common sense, but common courtesy, to thank parents, friends, or other family members who are writing the checks. Furthermore, the people with the “deep pockets” might also appreciate your debt-free wedding philosophy and might even give something unexpected if they realize you are concerned about the costs of the wedding. I’ve known fathers who were so pleased with the


debt-free weddings their daughters had planned that they offered some additional funds for a new car or a down payment on a house. Often it is the less-demanding bride who gets more. Also, keep the lines of communication open. Make sure you speak clearly about your wedding plans and are honest about the costs. Ask your parents (or others who might be paying the bills) how they feel about your plans and the priorities you have set. Make sure that nothing is left to interpretation. Chances are if you approach the wedding expressing your debt-free ideas, your family is going to be happy to help.

What if I try to budget for my wedding, but still end up with some debt? Well, a small debt is better than a large one. And paying all or most of your wedding costs before you walk down the aisle will serve you well in your marriage. Remember, you’re learning a philosophy. You’re putting ideas into practice. But don’t be bummed out if you get to the honeymoon and find that you need some extra cash. Don’t panic. You may discover that you can cut some corners on your honeymoon (say, do without a few expensive meals) or that you can save a few dollars by driving to your destination instead of flying. Or maybe you’ll make plans to take on that extra job when you return in order to pay down that debt. Stick with your budget and your philosophy, and if you stray a bit for the wedding costs, plan to make up for it as soon as you can.


What if this is my second marriage? I’ve discovered that most couples getting married for the second or third time have a much keener sense of how much a marriage (a life together) truly costs. Life is expensive. Homes are expensive. Food is expensive. Health care is expensive. Children are expensive. That’s what makes the debt-free wedding philosophy so appealing to people who are entering a second or third marriage. They know these realities! So if you are entering into a second marriage, please don’t feel that you have to make up for the deficiencies in your first wedding (or marriage) when you are planning the second one. Stick with the debt-free plan and you’ll have a much healthier marriage the second time around. If you had debt following your first marriage, please don’t create a rerun of these difficulties. Change things for the better, and budget wisely. Also, for older couples, children become a consideration. If you already have children to feed, clothe, and educate, it is much easier to see the wisdom of the debt-free wedding philosophy. Going into debt has much graver consequences, and affects more people, as we age.

If I have a lot of time, what are the best ways to save money so I can create the beautiful wedding I want? If you are a year or more away from your wedding day, here are some very effective ways to save significant money for your wedding. Keep in mind that some of these ideas will require sacrifice and dedication on your part—and consistency—but you can do it. In fact, if you follow


all of the ideas listed here, you can probably save at least $2000 for your wedding over the course of a year. Bring a sack lunch to work instead of eating out. This practice alone can save you $5 a day or more (that’s $25 a week… do the math and multiply). When you cook at home, fix a little extra food. Eat these leftovers the following day as your meal (or for your lunch). You’ll cut your grocery bill in half over the course of a year. Don’t pay for a car wash. Wash your car at home, or use a self-serve if you don’t have the equipment. Don’t buy clothing that must be dry-cleaned, or wear these clothes more sparingly. Do laundry at home and your own pressing. This can save hundreds a year. Can you mow your own lawn instead of paying someone to do it? An inexpensive push mower can pay for itself in a few weeks. If you eat out, don’t order a drink (the one item on the menu—even a soft drink!—that is most inflated in price). Order water, or water with lemon, instead. The same goes with appetizers and desserts in the restaurant. Skip them and cut your bill in half. If you have prescriptions that cost you out-of-pocket, use generics. That’s less you have to pay to stay healthy.


Are there ideas and practices that can help me budget for a debtfree wedding? Yes, and that’s what we’re going to turn our attention to right now. Get ready to have a debt-free wedding!

Part 2 Putting the Philosophy

into Practice: Saving Wisely Now that you understand your wedding philosophy, why not wrap some practical ideas around your budget? By utilizing some of the ideas in this section, you can begin saving lots of money for your beautiful wedding. All it takes is time, dedication, and perseverance. Here you’ll find more ideas than you can use, but don’t downplay the importance of wise saving. You are now on the road to creating your debt-free wedding. Keep pinching those pennies, and in the end you’ll discover that you’ve also learned some practices that will serve you well in your marriage and all the years ahead.

C h a pt e r Five

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Planning to Save

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Up to this point, we’ve primarily dealt with the philosophy behind your beautiful debt-free wedding. I’ve shared stories, advice, insights, and ideas. Now it’s time to put the plan into action. As everyone knows, we live in an age when personal debt is skyrocketing. People are not only in mortgage debt, but many are carrying inflated auto debt, credit card debt, student loan debt, and even old debts that they have inherited from other people. There’s nothing beautiful about any of this. So when a bride is planning her wedding, she wants the assurance that her wedding is going to be memorable, lasting, and beautiful. And the most significant way to ensure that this beauty will last is to create a debt-free wedding. So let’s take a look at some creative ways to save for your wedding. Let’s not forget that, even among the wealthy, there is going to be a budget for a wedding. And if we are paying for the wedding out of our own toil and trouble, it is all the more important that we create a wedding budget. A part of this wedding budget—or all of it in the debt-free wedding—will be funded out of the savings (and the cost savings) that the couple (or parent, etc.) creates.


In this chapter you’re going to read about many creative (and traditional) methods of saving money for your wedding. Some of these may surprise you. Others may challenge you, or even infuriate you. Others you may already be practicing. But the important thing here is that you begin to create a method that will work for you and give you the wedding you want—debt-free! Don’t be afraid to experiment or try something new. Don’t be afraid of failure. Don’t be afraid to change. Don’t be afraid to work hard for your dreams. If you stay the course with a few of these ideas, you’re going to save money for your wedding and pay as you go. You’re going to find a way to finance your wedding. And you’ll also be learning some skills that will help you finance a house, a car, an education, a child, or any other goal you set for your life. Hopefully, the debt-free wedding philosophy will impact every aspect of your married life. But enough talk. Let’s get started saving!

Create a Wedding Fund When I was a teenager, I recall that my mother and my aunt each enrolled in a “Christmas Fund.” The bank deducted a portion of their pay automatically every pay period. This amount went into the “Christmas Fund” and was invested throughout the year (earning interest on top of the principal). Come December, they had their Christmas money in hand and were ready to shop, shop, shop. If your wedding is a year away (or longer), don’t overlook the power of the automatic withdrawal to set up your own wedding fund. Talk to your bank or employer about the logistics of creating one for

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you. Put as much money as you can into this wedding fund. Find the best interest rate possible. Be diligent, and you’ll be surprised at how this money will grow over time.

The Dedicated Account If you don’t like the idea of automatic withdrawals, set up a dedicated savings account at the bank. Put money into this account each month. Adopt the philosophy that you are paying yourself first before you pay other bills. Try to find the best interest rate you can for this account. Look into money market savings. A brokerage firm might also be able to set you up with a mutual fund or stock account that can help you to leverage these investments even more than the traditional savings account. Bottom line: you can save money if you set up a mechanism for saving. If you don’t plan to save, you’ll never have enough to work your plan.

Trade Down to Save Up One of the quickest ways to obtain some extra cash is to trade down for a less expensive automobile. Over the years our family has always owned two cars. We have usually had one nice car (something we could depend upon), but we’ve also driven second-hand junk to save money. Every now and then, we’ve even traded down—netting us some needed cash. I’ve always viewed cars as tools rather than as status symbols. And we all know that cars are financial liabilities, not investments. As soon as you drive a new car off the lot, you’re driving away in a depreciated piece of equipment. You’ll never get your total value back.


If you are driving a new car, but think you can get by with a used car, see what kind of a deal you can work out. Or trade a larger new car for a smaller car that can also get you better gas mileage (saving you even more). You might be able to save hundreds of dollars a month trading a car payment for a used car that you can buy outright. Save this extra cash for your wedding (and invest it). And don’t forget, with today’s high gas prices, trading a gasguzzler for a more energy-efficient car will save you double. You save a payment or two a year, and you save a lot on gasoline!

Debit Versus Credit If you’ve been living on a steady diet of credit cards, try to wean yourself away from the credit card buffet as quickly as possible. Credit cards are the fast food of financing. They may satisfy for the moment, but they don’t provide any financial nutrition over the long haul. As discussed previously, work to pay off your credit card debt as quickly as possible. When you get a card paid off, cut it up if you can’t control your spending. Get a debit card to use for gasoline and groceries (or other necessities). You should be able to find a decent debit card with a low annual fee. Some banks have free debit cards if you maintain a minimum balance in other accounts. If you can’t get off the credit merry-go-round quickly or easily, work with the card company to lower your interest rate. (You’d be surprised at how often credit card companies will actually give you a lower rate if you ask for it.) Begin by calling the service number at your credit card company or your bank. Since credit card companies are competing for your business, they are often willing to discuss


other rates and options. Look for another way to consolidate your credit card debts at a lower rate than you currently have.

Consolidate Your Debt With traditional debt consolidation, you bundle all of your debts together into one new loan, and then pay one monthly amount (hopefully at a lower interest rate). Debt consolidation, however, is not a quick fix, nor should it be used as a way to spend even more. Use debt consolidation as a way out of debt—not a way to purchase more. Any money you can save through debt consolidation… you know where it’s going. Plan to use the extra savings exclusively for your debt-free wedding.

Set Up a Flexible Spending Account (FSA) Some years ago the government made it possible for companies to offer employees Flexible Spending Accounts (or FSA). These accounts consist of money taken out of the employees pay (a pretax benefit) and designated exclusively for reimbursable medical or child care expenses. In other words an employee might designate, say, $2000 to be earmarked for health care expenses or child care expenses in a calendar year. As these expenses are paid by the employee, they are submitted and then reimbursed (tax-free). I mention the FSA for two reasons. First, it is amazing how many people have this option in the workplace but do not take advantage of the tax savings. Using the FSA plan, an employee can usually net hundreds of dollars a year in tax


savings, not to mention getting reimbursed for actual out-of-pocket medical or child care expenses that insurance might not cover. Second, using an FSA is a great tool to save for your wedding. Every time you submit your expenses and get reimbursed, put this money aside for the wedding. An FSA is like a savings plan within a savings plan if you use it this way.

Certificates of Deposit A CD is a very simple, safe, and conservative financial tool that you can readily find in any bank or online. A CD is akin to a glorified savings account. You give the bank a sum of money for a specified length of time (usually three months, six months, or a year) and in return they guarantee a fixed percentage return on your money. When the time is up, you get your money back, with interest. Some years ago there was a couple in one of my workshops who mentioned they had financed their wedding through staggering some certificates of deposit. Every few weeks or months they would invest another sum in a CD—however small. If you did this every month for a year so, you would have money coming in at regular intervals. If you are not the type who likes higher risk investments, certificates of deposit are a safe bet. You’ll know the money is there, and you’ll know where it’s going: to finance your wedding, of course!

Pay Attention to Interest Rates and Costs As creatures of habit, we often overlook some of the obvious ways our money is consumed. We might, for example, stop buying our


daily cup of coffee or fast food (saving a few bucks a week) while we continue paying a high interest rate on a credit card debt or shelling out more at the gas pump (costing us hundreds of dollars a week). Be aware of where the holes are in your financial plan and your spending habits. There may be more leaks than you realize. And often, we spend a great deal of energy trying to plug small holes in our spending, when, in reality, the boat in which we are living has a gigantic hole in the hull. Check the interest rates on your credit cards—as previously mentioned—and look for lower rate options. Refinance your home or car at lower interest rates when you can. Pay off higher interest loans first—give them priority. Following this plan, you could potentially save hundreds, if not thousands, for your wedding.

Be Aware of Off-Peak Prices Likewise, be vigilant in watching for trends and shifts in the cost of living. As you are planning your wedding, be very aware of how much certain items cost. Items like wedding gowns, reception hall rental, catering services, and many other costs can oscillate and drift up or down depending on supply and demand, time of the year, or other variables. The summer months, for example, are peak times for wedding accessory purchases and for reception hall rentals. You can save money if you don’t buy at these peak times. Many couples even plan their weddings around these off-peak times when prices are cheaper and the demand is lower. Caterers, bakers, photographers, and reception halls (among others) often have peak and off-peak prices. You can save by being savvy in your planning,


and, by not spending some money on a whim, you will have more to work with later. Many couples have discovered that these off-peak times can save them not only hundreds, but potentially thousands, of dollars. When you consider off-peak prices for your reception site, restaurants, hotels, cakes, airfare, rentals, and other transportation, it is astounding how a few dollars here and there can add up to a tremendous savings. Increasingly, couples are opting for off-peak times and days to save money. In fact, jump on this one as soon as you can. It may not be long before the off-peak times become the new peak. Plan ahead to save.

Take a Second Job We’ve mentioned earlier the financial dividends of taking a second job. A second job (weekend, perhaps, or part-time) can net you some additional savings for your wedding. Taking a second job is not a lifetime commitment, and it may not be a pace you can sustain for a long period of time. But it can be a source of paying for a debtfree wedding. Likewise, I’ve known some men and women who have taken these second jobs at strategic locations—thereby saving them even more money as they planned their own weddings. For example, how much would you save on a wedding dress if you worked in a bridal shop? Could you get free tux rental if you worked part-time in a men’s store? Taking a part-time job in a party supply store could save you hundreds or thousands of dollars in wedding supplies or decorations. You might also be surprised at how much


you could save working for a baker, a caterer, a limo service, or for a church. One couple I know saved thousands of dollars on their wedding. He worked at a hotel (and got a steep discount on a magnificent banquet hall—where they were married and hosted the reception). She worked at a bridal shop (part-time) and saved hundreds on her dress, her candles, her bridesmaids’ attire, and all of the extras. They had a very nice wedding for a fraction of the cost. Use your creativity to make the most of a second job and save all you can as quickly as you can.

Don’t Discount Your Hobby Do you have a particular hobby or craft that you enjoy? Don’t overlook it as a potential earning source. You can save money for your debt-free wedding by selling some of the items you create. Do you knit? Sew? Turn wood? Can you make teddy bears? I know people who make thousands of dollars a year from their hobbies. Some put their children through college on these earnings. Others finance nice vacations. Don’t sell yourself short. Use your creativity and potential to finance the wedding you want. Need some unique ideas? If you’ve got some property, how about growing Christmas trees to sell during the holidays? How about beekeeping (honey production)? Can you cut wood? Do you have a large mower that you can use to cut some of your neighbors’ lawns for extra cash? Got tools? How about being a fix-it man on the side? Can you paint? Clean gutters? Wash windows? Clean houses? Can you grind


stumps or clean yards? Got a metal detector? There are probably hundreds of people in your area who would pay handsomely for these services. I know a public teacher who mows yards in the summer. I know a young man who paints garage floors with epoxy (and makes thousands of dollars in just a few weeks every summer). I know another fellow who seals driveways (a hot job, but somebody has to do it and he does). Another friend of mine installs sump pumps on the side. And I know a woman who makes a quilt every three or four months and sells each one for hundreds of dollars (and sometimes more than a thousand dollars). I’ll bet you have some skills, hobbies, or crafts that interest you, too. Don’t sell yourself or your hobbies short. With some ingenuity and hard work, you might even be able to fully finance your wedding selling these services or items.

Parlay Your Tax Refund Many people intentionally pay a high tax rate in order to get a large tax refund. I could debate the logic of this approach, but if you are one of the many who get a large tax refund each year, plan on using that money to finance your debt-free wedding. If you get this refund some months before the wedding, try to invest it wisely using one of the approaches mentioned earlier. Your money will make more money that way. A tax refund can also be used for some of those larger ticket items such as a wedding dress, a deposit on a reception hall, or a honeymoon package. If you are expecting a tax refund, consider using this money to make the most of your wedding budget.


Ask for a Raise Oh well, since we’ve come this far together—why not try something really daring? What have you got to lose? Have you considered asking your boss or supervisor for a raise? Not long ago I was talking to a businessman in my community (a man who hires many people) and he mentioned that, if he could choose his workers without showing any blatant discrimination, he would much prefer to hire someone who had a stable marriage rather than someone who was going through a nasty divorce or who was a weekend party animal. Of course, he can’t ask such questions at the time of a hire, but his preferences make sense from a business perspective. As a boss, he values steady, dedicated workers. If you tell your employer that you are getting married, you might be surprised at how receptive your boss would be to bumping your salary up a bit. After all, your boss already knows who you are and you can even turn up the charm factor by inviting your boss to the wedding and pointing out that, with a raise, he/she will be helping to make your life happier and more stable. Asking for a raise can also teach you this valuable skill for later in life, and even if you don’t get the raise, you might get other benefits or bonuses that can have an impact on your pocketbook. Naturally, if you are successful, you know what to do with that raise, don’t you? Of course! You’re going to either invest the extra money or use it to finance your debt-free wedding. Be sure to write a personal thank you note if you do get a raise.


Change It Up Do you save your pocket change? Chances are you have some type of glorified piggy bank where you drop your nickels, dimes, and quarters at the end of the day. If you don’t utilize this practice, give it a try. I’ve used this saving method for years and since I’ve been married I’ve used our pocket change to help finance our annual family vacation, among other things. Every year—regular as clockwork—I count up all of those nickels, dimes, and quarters (even the pennies) a few weeks before we leave for vacation and I usually have enough to fund our gasoline bill, a couple of nights in a hotel, or even an entrance fee to an amusement park. One year, I had amassed an amazing $395.18 in pocket change over a ten-month period. You can use this same idea to save for your wedding. How far could $200 or $300 go toward financing your wedding plans? The sooner you begin dropping those dimes and quarters into a jar, the more you are going to have to help finance your special day. In a similar vein, one of my cousins worked as a waitress for a time before her wedding. She saved all of the coins she received as tips in a special jar at home. Over the course of a year, these coin tips amounted to a few hundred dollars. All you need is consistency and time and even with a handful of coins you can save money for a wedding.

Give It Up Most religious traditions utilize the practice of fasting, or going without, to help a person become more aware of life’s blessings and to discover or renew a sense of gratitude. Jews, Christians, and


Muslims have all traditionally used the practice of denial to bring a person closer to God. If you have a religious tradition that involves sacrifice and simplicity, use this time to save for your wedding. By giving up a few of your cherished vices (maybe coffee, chocolate, cigarettes, alcohol, snacks, etc.) you can also save a few dollars to help fund items for your wedding.

Stealing from Yourself When I was a kid I had a little game I played when I wanted to buy something. Every time I received my allowance, I would take the first dollar and stuff it into a sock. I pretended I was stealing it from myself and hiding it away. You’ll be surprised at how much you can save for your wedding if you play this little game with yourself. Every time you get a paycheck, take the first ten dollars and stuff it into a sock or cookie jar (an in-home safe is even better). Just don’t forget where you put the sock!

Eat In, Not Out There is no doubt that we live in a society of eaters. There are now more restaurants than ever before littered across the American landscape. We love to eat out. And we especially love to spend money on fast food. But you can save hundreds of dollars a year if you eat at home. Watch for specials at the grocery store. Stock up on some of your favorites and save even more. And don’t forget the cost of tips. How much do you spend a year just in tips when you eat out?


Likewise, eating simply can have the added benefit of making us healthier. Most brides (and grooms, for that matter) always try to lose a few pounds so they will look their best for the wedding day. Eating at home is one way to reach this goal. And if you also eat healthy, you’ll save. Studies have shown that we spend far more on unhealthy foods than we do purchasing the healthy alternatives (like fresh fruits and vegetables). Buy healthy, get fit, and look your best. And the more you eat at home, the more you’ll save.

Dollar Days In my hometown there are three dollar stores. These, in addition to some of the budget stores like Wal-Mart, K-Mart, and Target, are great places to save money. One week I shopped exclusively at these dollar stores. It was a blast. And I was amazed at the selection of food and daily staples that these stores stock. Better yet, I saved a lot of cash—especially as I purchased only the things I needed (and each one for a dollar or less). If you have a dollar store in your area, you can save money. And don’t overlook the dollar store as a resource for your wedding supplies. I’ve often been astounded at how many decorations, party supplies, and candles you can find in these stores. By saving a few dollars you can get a lot more bang for your buck in these places. Incidentally, most of the people who own these dollar stores are millionaires. And the wealthy often shop these stores for their household staples. I know many wealthy people who shop in dollar stores every week. It’s the only place they purchase their paper goods,


party supplies, and household staples. But it makes sense. How do you think they got to be rich? By shopping wisely. Don’t think cheap. Think savings!

Have a Garage Sale Ever been to a garage sale? Sure you have. And if you haven’t, you know it intrigues you. Years ago, when my wife and I moved across the state, we decided to unload a ton of our old furniture, books, and worn-out household items. I was amazed at what people would buy. As they say, one man’s junk is another man’s treasure. I sold used cans of motor oil, books without binding, trash cans with holes, cartons of yellow paper, old paintbrushes, light fixtures, lamps, a sofa, a recliner, an entertainment center held together with duct tape and wood screws, a car tire, blankets, towels, racks of clothing, magazines, electrical cords, lumber, eyeglasses, vinyl records, baseball cards, and scores of toys that my kids had abused beyond recognition. All told, it was a grand payday. I even had one fellow return the next day and offer me a hundred dollars for a huge pile of firewood that the previous owners had stacked in the backyard. At the final tally, we made nearly a thousand dollars from this yard sale. And this was our junk! What could you make selling your gently used items in your yard some Saturday morning, or putting out a few items in the next community garage sale? Or how about selling your items on eBay? How about placing a low-cost ad in the newspaper for that exercise


equipment you don’t use any longer? You might even have a car that can net you more money if you sell it yourself. Don’t underestimate the power of your junk to net you some extra cash for your wedding.

Have Fun, Make Money Have you ever considered setting up a car wash in your driveway? People will often stop for a car wash, and no one says it has to be an organization washing the cars. You can do it on a bright, sunny day and make a few extra dollars, especially if you have a prime location with some traffic. Other fun ideas? How about setting up a balloon delivery service for office parties, birthdays, and hospital visitations? How about using your bicycle to courier packages? If you like to hike, how about setting up a walking tour in your city? If you like aerobics, could you lead a class? You’ll only be limited by your ability to imagine the possibilities. And don’t forget to have fun!

Bundle Up, Save a Bundle Every spring and fall, our family goes on an energy fast. We turn off the heat or air conditioning in our home and open windows. We use fans at night if we need them, but generally we try to go without turning on the lights also. This energy fast for two to three months every year saves us several hundred dollars and the cool evening breezes are so soothing and relaxing for sleep. Our energy-free months are actually the most enjoyable in our house and we enjoy sitting outside by our fire pit for family conversation.


Turning down the heat is one way to turn up your savings. And today, with ever-increasing energy costs, you can be assured that this simple “old-fashioned” approach will result in money in the pocket. Take advantage of these savings and put the money to good use in your wedding plans.

The Family Affair You can also save money for your wedding by asking some of your family members and closest friends to consider purchasing items for your wedding, rather than giving you a wedding gift after your wedding. This is a unique approach, but might be more suitable for you if you already have a household or if you have everything you need (like appliances, dishes, towels, etc.). Couples who have been previously married may also find that family and friends would be more receptive to helping out rather than purchasing additional household items (which you probably already have). Some of your family and friends could purchase items for your reception, for example, or items like candles, flowers, and so forth that they could actually see being used in the ceremony. You might be surprised at how agreeable your family would be to making your wedding beautiful (and participating in it) instead of buying a boxed gift. Or consider this approach: instead of making a registry of household items, you could arrange for friends and family to purchase your wedding items at the store—just like the traditional wedding registry. That way, you get some of the wedding items you need up front (like candles, décor, place settings, or a punch bowl)—and your family and friends can see the results of their gifts on the day of


the wedding! In other words, they’ll be purchasing your wedding and reception items rather than your household items. This is a unique option for couples who already have everything they need, but want to invite others to help create the special day.

Pay It Forward Finally, don’t overlook the possibility and power of working with a bridal store or wedding planner to create a low-cost wedding by purchasing everything through one person. Instead of shopping till you drop, see what kind of a deal a bridal shop or wedding planner might cut you if you pay up front—months before the wedding. People now preplan funerals and reap the cost savings of planning ahead, but you can do the same with a wedding. One couple I know simply gave a wedding planner their budgeted money and said, “Here’s what we want. Here’s what we can afford. It’s your job to buy what we need with this money, and no more!” It may be a hardcore approach to wedding planning, but if you are a busy person who thinks you will lose money (and time) by shopping around, see what kind of a deal you can strike when you are months away from the wedding day. Many times bridal stores and wedding planners will bend over backwards to work with you within your budget. They’ll get what you need for the price you can afford. And when the money runs out, that’s it. Or they might even give you a little more for your money because you are paying up front. You’ll be assured of being debt-free if you don’t go over budget. And once you have the money in hand, this approach can help you save over the long haul.


As you can see, there are a variety of ways to save money for your wedding. With some ingenuity, hard work, and dedication, you can make a way to fund your beautiful wedding. The key to any good idea, of course, is seeing it through. The moment you begin planning for your wedding, be resolved that you will use some of these savings devices to fund your budget. Don’t hedge or change course. Consistency is the key to any plan. You will also discover that the savings techniques you use for your wedding will serve you well in your marriage. You will be learning how to be debt-free for life and can continue forward the moment you return from your honeymoon.

Part 3 Putting the Philosophy

into Practice: Spending Wisely Now that you have embraced the debt-free wedding philosophy, you are probably eager to plan your wedding. But you may be asking: But how can I implement the plan? How can I save money? How can I find the best deal on a ring, a honeymoon package, or a dress? And with my limited budget, how can I actually have a beautiful wedding? In the following chapters you are going to find a wealth of concepts and creative solutions that will help you build the wedding you want, no matter what your budget. Whether it’s flowers, the music, or the cake, you’ll find some low-budget, cost-cutting, or even free ideas here for every aspect of your beautiful wedding. Taken as a whole, these money-conscious ideas will help you create the wedding you want on a debt-free budget. The ideas here have been used and shared by couples who have planned their own debt-free weddings, and you will discover that there are many avenues couples can take to create an awesome wedding on a limited budget. As a general rule, couples should steer

clear of any item that has “wedding” attached to it and should try to adopt as many of the tips in these subsequent chapters as their time and energies will allow. I hope you’ll enjoy the best of the best as you plan your wedding. Keep in mind that, while all of these ideas might help you in your planning, not all of them can be used by every couple. You will have to pick and choose from the ideas that strike you, and I would encourage you to make a list of the ideas that you find most appealing, helpful, and practical for your situation. In the following chapters I will be giving you tips on how you can plan your wedding without ending up with credit card debt or massive bills. Some of these tips will help you to approach your wedding plans with a debt-free end in mind, and others will help you by providing tips and ideas that you can use on a limited budget. You can implement these great ideas most anywhere. Using these ideas doesn’t mean you are cheap—your knowledge just demonstrates that you know a good deal when you find one, and you know how and where to look for the best buys. Using these ideas doesn’t mean you don’t value your wedding—but it does demonstrate that you value your marriage too much to go into debt for the sake of centerpieces or a limo ride to the airport. And just because you might find something for free doesn’t mean the idea isn’t worth using in your wedding. Even the wealthiest people know how to save money. How do you think they amassed their wealth if not by being frugal? I’ve also attempted to arrange this section logically—with items like the rings and attire at the front, and items related to honeymoon planning toward the end—so that you can consider all the items you

might need as you prepare for a wedding, a reception, and then a honeymoon. The items listed here also correspond to the wedding list in the earlier chapter. However, I’m just hitting the most expensive and most desired items in this section, so that you won’t feel overwhelmed by a vast array of fluff that may, or may not, actually help you plan a wedding. But every major aspect of the wedding and reception will be covered in the following pages and you can sit back, take notes, and use your creative energies toward planning the debt-free wedding of your dreams. Your budget is in your hands. It’s your wedding.

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C h a pt e r Six

The Rings

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Let’s begin by talking about rings—the engagement ring and the wedding rings. Everyone knows that jewelry can be expensive, and there are many so-called “guidelines” for the price range of your rings. For example, you’ve probably heard the rule about the engagement ring: the man should spend at least three month’s salary. Okay, fine. But does the expense of the ring truly define a level of commitment and love? I’ve known women with five-carat diamonds whose marriages didn’t last a year, and I’ve seen happy marriages that didn’t have a diamond anywhere in the mix. When it comes to diamonds, does size really matter? Regardless, let’s proceed with the idea that every couple deserves the most they can afford. How can you purchase rings and remain debt-free? As for the engagement ring, consider some of the following options: Some families have a tradition of passing along fine jewelry from one generation to the next. If that’s you, don’t be


afraid to discuss the idea of accepting an heirloom ring (maybe even a magnificent diamond!) as an engagement promise. The ring might be “free” but its value and significance could be very impressive—perhaps far more valuable than a ring he could afford to buy on three month’s salary. There are great bargains out there if you are not afraid of purchasing or receiving a ring that has been in a pawnshop, an antique store, or in someone’s estate. I know several couples who have found magnificent rings through these searches. If you don’t have to have a “new” ring, try this scavenger hunt approach. And don’t forget, you’ll pay a lot more for a new ring (and get less) than you will for a secondhand ring. Many women may prefer something unique in a ring, like a birthstone or another stone like a ruby or emerald instead of a diamond. After all, most men give diamond solitaires as the engagement pledge, but you might prefer something different altogether. Maybe you don’t even like diamonds! Likewise, another piece of jewelry might be more appropriate (a necklace, a pendant, etc.). Check out the bargains online. Some of the best options include www.amazon.com, www.bluenile.com, www.diamondcutters .com, and www.ice.com. Use these online prices and vast selection to either buy outright, or to compare with the rings on display at your local jewelers.

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Many couples are opting for other gifts to mark their engagement period. These gifts might even be more expensive than a ring. But they don’t have to be. Would there be other more significant ways to say “I want to marry you” instead of giving what everyone else is giving? One of my best friends gave his fiancée an emerald. And I’ve known other couples who entered their engagement period after receiving a car or motorcycle, and others who gave less expensive gifts like necklaces or pearls. A unique gift might indicate that some thought has gone into the pledge rather than just going through the motions of purchasing a diamond solitaire, which is the most common engagement pledge. Take a look at the diamond synthetics. There are now several of these. Diamond Nexus Labs (www.diamondnexuslabs .com) is one option, as is Moissonite (www.moissonite .com). These synthetic diamonds are brilliant and can be purchased for a fraction of the cost of a diamond. Don’t forget that many jewelers have deals that combine the engagement ring and wedding rings. Why buy one ring when you can purchase three for less? Once you begin to look at wedding rings—as most ceremonies today incorporate the “double ring” idea of giving and receiving— you’ve got many more options, usually at a much lower cost than the engagement ring. Most wedding rings have a simple design and are meant to signify the couple’s enduring love. The rings don’t have to be gaudy or extravagant. Simplicity is best. And since you


don’t want debt in your marriage, why take out a loan to purchase expensive wedding rings? Let the rings symbolize your love, not your indebtedness. Here are some tips you can use when considering your wedding rings (remember—be creative and save): Now that gold prices have skyrocketed, couples will likely discover that the less gold there is in the jewelry, the more money they will save. But this is not necessarily a bad thing. In fact, when it comes to gold, less can actually be more. How so? First, consider that gold is a soft metal. It is highly malleable—which makes it perfect for sizing. But a 24-karat gold ring is very soft (too soft?) and even an 18-karat ring can dent if you hit it on the edge of a table. Many couples are opting for a 14-karat ring. It has less gold, sure—but it’s also stronger and more resilient over the long haul (like your marriage should be!). And—get this—14-karat is less expensive. A win-win across the board… especially for your pocketbook. Talk to a local jeweler. Most will work with you directly to create a set of rings. Family-owned and operated businesses often have a keen eye and a willingness to save you money and will work within your budget. Don’t be afraid to ask questions and discuss the options available to you. And, should you have an old set of rings (or a set you’ve been able to find in a pawn shop or antique store), don’t forget that a jeweler can melt these down, recast them, and, of course,

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size them for you. An old set of rings can become a new set in the hands of a capable jeweler. If you have jewelry sets (necklaces, earrings, etc.), don’t be afraid to ask a jeweler if these can be recreated and cast into wedding rings. You might be surprised at what you could create from other pieces of jewelry you already have in your collection. Check online. Again, there are deals out there. Some of the best options include www.weddingringhotline.com and www.tradeshop.com. Don’t forget the big bargain warehouses like Costco and Sam’s Club. These may sound like “cheap” alternatives at first, but they often carry the same brands, styles, and cuts as the more expensive jewelers. If you shop there for your rings, you should be able to secure a good deal that will fit your budget. Naturally, your wedding rings will be an important ingredient in your wedding, but also serve as a visible reminder each day that you are married. Rings are a good investment, too. Still, you can use one or more of the tips here to help you achieve a beautiful wedding on your budget. If you can save big on your rings, you will have more money to work with and use for other aspects of the wedding and reception—and, especially, your marriage.

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C h a pt e r Seven

Counseling

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If you are getting married in a church or synagogue, you are likely to be advised to complete premarital counseling. Sometimes this counsel will be provided by the priest, pastor, or rabbi—and often free of charge. But in recent years, clergy have grown more dependent upon professional counselors to provide this service. Sometimes this service will be a part of your wedding fees or honorariums, but other times, not. So make sure you ask about the counseling and what is required when you talk to your religious leader. Now, even if you are not getting married in a church or synagogue, premarital counseling is not a bad idea. Since the divorce rate in the United States continues to hover around 50 percent of all marriages, couples should be advised that marriage requires effort, energy, intimacy (not just of the sexual variety), and complete trust. When communication and trust break down, the marriage is often not far behind. Likewise, at every stage of a marriage, deeper levels of trust and communication may be required. And we have explored throughout this book the role that finances (or debt, in particular) often play in the destruction of a marriage.


So don’t consider premarital counseling a cost, but an investment. What you learn by way of communication techniques, or how to argue, or how to talk about money in your home—all of these, and more, will be invaluable to your future. A good counselor will be able to teach you much about using these techniques, and in the process you will also learn more about each other—which is a part of the intimacy you will need to have a solid, long-lasting marriage. Don’t assume that you already know how to talk to each other or how to treat each other. Life has a way of keeping us from seeing our own faults and deficiencies, and a good counselor can help both bride and groom overcome their weaknesses and learn to rely upon each other’s strengths. Some counselors will conduct counseling sessions in a face-toface manner, while others may employ quizzes or online resources that you can complete at home or even computerized tools that will provide fancy charts and graphs. Others will invite you to attend a workshop or seminar. Still others may have weekend retreats where you meet with other couples or talk to a panel of couples who have been married for many years. Often, these couples can provide meaningful insights into what makes for a successful, long-lasting relationship. But regardless of the counseling tools, you will benefit from what you learn. But what about the cost? Again, this can often be provided as part of the service of the church or synagogue. But couples should be prepared to pay up to a couple hundred dollars for these other types of counseling services. In the event you aren’t going to be required to have premarital counseling, I would advise that you check out some books from your

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library. Or, if you like, try using some of the books that are designed for couples to use at home. My book, Before You Say “I Do” (Perigee, NY), is a helpful guidebook of questions that couples should ask before they get married. In addition, there are often quizzes available in bridal magazines, and you can also find great resources online. Try taking one of these online quizzes together and see what you learn. Some of the better quizzes can be found at: www.prepare-enrich.com www.northwestmarriage.org www.marriage.about.com

C h a pt e r E ig ht

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Wedding Stationery and More

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Over the years I have received hundreds of wedding invitations, RSVP cards, save the date cards, return envelopes, maps, programs, and wedding announcements. These have ranged from large, professionally printed mailings with raised lettering and gold-embossed frames to handwritten invitations on plain, white index cards. Regardless, the invitations fulfilled their purposes— the expensive and the simple alike. For those looking to create a debt-free wedding, announcements, save the dates, and invitations are a fine place to begin. After all, these are some of the first items a couple will need to budget for—and the invitations can, likewise, help set the pace for a debt-free wedding. Here is one place that couples can save money. Easily. Recently a couple named Mike and Megan sent me a wedding invitation package that was beautiful and lively. The mailing was topnotch. It was eye-catching and colorful. And they had made every piece themselves! Their only costs were a small package of construction paper and a nice calligraphy pen. They had created a small


binder/file folder with stair-stepped-sized pieces of paper. Each of these pieces contained one element of the invitation package: date and time, RSVP card, reception location and map, and more. The package was easy to read and offered a nice, personal touch. There are a massive number of choices when it comes to purchasing or creating invitations. It helps to take a step back and reassess before placing an order or buying supplies. Here are a few ideas that will get your creative energies flowing and help you locate some of the best cost-saving alternatives for stationery, announcements, save the dates, invitations, and more: Like Mike and Megan, do it yourself. No doubt you can find some nice paper and purchase a fine pen to make your own invitations. Be certain you write out a sample invitation before you begin producing them en masse. Review some of the examples that you can find on stationer websites (found on pages 100 and 101). If you are looking for a low-cost calligraphy pen, check Office Depot or Staples. There are dozens to choose from and most are under four dollars. If you go with a traditional mailing (with postage) make sure you weigh the final product. If the weight exceeds the single first-class stamp price, you’ll be paying extra for postage right out of the gate. Go lighter and save money. Be sure you weigh that return envelope, too, if you affix postage to it. You don’t want your RSVP envelopes being marked “return to sender”!

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Use postcards instead of stationery and envelopes. Or people can be invited to RSVP to you via email, and you won’t be saddled with postage costs. You’ve probably received an “e-birthday card” from a friend—those nice electronic expressions that come to you via email. You can also send wedding invitations via electronic form, too. It’s still catching on, but the cost, the work, and the time is much less. You have to decide how effective this would be with your circle of family and friends. Check out the free “e-cards” at www.myfuncards.com. If you are having a small wedding (with manageable numbers of, say, under fifty guests), why not invite your guests faceto-face? That’s personal! Just make the rounds, knock on a few doors, and after a few visits, you’ve got your wedding count. No fuss, no muss. And you save all that preparation and postage. Purchase a prepackaged do-it-yourself invitation kit. These can often be found on stationer websites (see pages 100 and 101) and at party stores or at hobby stores like Michaels or Hobby Lobby, and many include everything from the announcements to RSVP cards to save the dates. These tend to cost much less than the specialty custom designs. Again, purchase a top-quality pen to ensure that you are adding the best touch possible in your own hand. You can also find some of these kits at www .lcipaper.com and www.weddingaccessories.com.


Design your own invitations by using a software package or template. There are many out there, and the design doesn’t have to be fancy to be effective. Print these on a thick paper from a color printer and you are set to go. You can often save money on thank you cards if you request these from the stores where you are registered for wedding gifts. Often these stores will supply you with thank you cards and envelopes if you ask. Better yet, make this a prerequisite for registering at the store. It’s not much, but it will save you some cash. One couple I know also designed and drew their invitations and RSVP cards. They were both art majors and quite adept at painting and drawing. Their invitation package was bright and beautiful, and they had used a color copier to reproduce their designs. Essentially, they had their entire package completed for ten cents a copy. Shop for good buys on wedding invitation/mailing kits online. There are so many stationers out there—and some great deals can be found if you are patient and persistent. For an eclectic blend of stationers and Internet options, try perusing a few of these online stores:

www.wednet.com www.einvite.com www.invitations4sale.com www.lcipaper.com

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www.designerpaper.com www.elegantbridesinvitations.com www.artpaper.com www.southworth.com

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C h a pt e r Nine

Bridal Gowns

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For most brides, the selection of a bridal gown will be the most timeconsuming and emotional aspect of the wedding preparation. Every woman has her wedding fantasy, and this usually includes some aspect of a bridal gown: the style, the length, the color. The only prohibiting factor in the gown selection for most brides is, of course, the price. Gowns can range from a few hundred dollars to a few thousand dollars—so there is no perfect gown and beauty is certainly in the eye of the beholder (and the wearer!). The selection of the gown usually involves a choice based on many qualities—the style, design (or designer), texture, length, and affordability. Somewhere in all of that mix is the perfect dress for every bride. So regardless of your budget, keep looking… you’ll find the gown you desire. It is out there! Naturally, because there is a great deal of emotion related to the choosing of a wedding gown, brides can be particularly susceptible to the vicissitudes of salesmanship or their own fantasies. That’s why so many brides bring along friends or family when they are picking out a gown. It’s helpful to have a second opinion—a trusted confidant who can talk sense and point out the obvious in a gown.


Usually, in terms of total dollars earmarked for a wedding, the gown can be one of the most expensive items. But it’s tough to make a selection that will be fiscally responsible, too. As one bride recently pointed out to me, “Emotionally, I wanted the dress of my dreams— which was going to cost thousands. But, intellectually, I realized this dress was just going to be stashed in the closet afterwards. One of the most difficult decisions I had to make was coming down out of the clouds and searching for a dress I could afford.” Today, a bride doesn’t have to travel very far to find a bridal shop. There are thousands of stores nationwide that carry bridal attire— large chains as well as mom and pop franchises that cater to a more regional or local clientele. Likewise, a bride can pick up a handful of bridal magazines at the grocery store and, in just a couple of hours, find herself drowning in a dizzying and dazzling assortment of gown advertisements and photos. There are so many to choose from, how does a bride know where to begin? Fortunately, there are many books, magazines, and websites that can help a bride wade through this wide selection of choices. The Knot (www.theknot.com) and The Wedding Channel (www.weddingchannel. com) are two excellent beginning points for gown shopping. Outside of the usual list of suspects when it comes to gown selection—shopping around, taking copious notes, marking up magazines, calling on the phone, searching the Web—a bride can use some real debt-free ideas to help her plan for this important aspect of her day. And if she is looking for ways to fully fund her dress selection, or for ways to get more for less (or even for free) she might need to consider some of the following ideas:

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Set a budget for your gown before you ever begin looking for one. By taking this preliminary step you will save yourself much heartache and time later on. Why? Because you can actually begin your search by looking at only those dresses that fit your budget, rather than trying to manipulate or change other aspects of your wedding plans to purchase a dress that doesn’t fit your budget. In essence, make your dress fit inside your checkbook rather than trying to pad your checkbook to fit the dress. Regardless of your budget, there are going to be plenty of beautiful selections out there. So it’s not about the amount you spend, but how you spend it. It’s also about your priorities and what you want to save so you can have a debt-free wedding. Remember? Some years ago I presided at two wedding ceremonies on subsequent Saturdays. The brides in these weddings were good friends. And each wore the same dress. Their philosophy? They each purchased half the gown, each wore it on their wedding days, and then they donated the gown to a charity that assisted battered women. Not only did they save lots of money, they helped another woman through the gift. If you are looking to be creative here, try some version of this: use your sister’s gown if you are about the same size, or go halfsies with a good friend like these two brides. If storing your gown in a closet just isn’t your fantasy, why not save some money? Along these same lines, how about using an heirloom dress? Does your grandmother’s dress fit you? (Okay, it smells like


mothballs, but you could get it cleaned and altered… and you’d have a family memory to cherish.) Perhaps you’d like to purchase a wedding gown that will directly benefit women who have breast cancer? If so, consider purchasing a Making Memories gown. Making Memories is a nonprofit foundation that accepts donated gowns from brides for resale to other brides. The proceeds on all of these gowns go to help women with breast cancer. Not only can you purchase a dress from Making Memories, but you can also donate the same gown back (or another one) and get a tax deduction for the donation. This foundation is based in Portland, Oregon, and you can learn more about the details of these fantastic gown sales by visiting their website at www.makingmemories.org. Want to save? Buy your gown in the “off-season” when bridal store business is slower… and certainly watch for sales. Generally, the off-season in bridal sales is November and December, or toward the end of the year, as most brides getting married in those months have already purchased their dresses and most people are concentrating on holiday expenditures. Many bridal stores have sales during these months. There are better buys at year-end and if you can plan ahead, you can save. Save by not buying your gown in a bridal shop. Check out consignment stores, specialty shops, or even larger retailers that carry bridal gowns in addition to other women’s clothing, such as J. Crew.

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If this is a second or third wedding, why worry about wearing the traditional bridal gown again (and purchasing another bridal gown)? Wear a nice dress, or purchase a classy gown you can actually wear at other occasions such as dances and company dinners in the years ahead. You won’t need to worry about storing this dress away, but it will become a part of your wardrobe. You save and you get to wear it again! Finally, if you just happen to be a great seamstress, why not sew your own gown? Or if you know someone in the family who is a seamstress, try creating your own dress. You’ll get the beautiful gown you desire and a year after your wedding, you’ll be glad you didn’t dress down your bank account.

C h a pt e r Ten

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Bridal Accessories

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Through the years, bridal veils have fallen in and out of vogue. Today, the veil seems to be an optional part of the bridal attire. Some brides desire to have a veil; others don’t. But brides who desire to purchase a veil are usually shocked when they see the price tag. In fact, many brides opt out of the veil market as soon as they realize they may, in fact, be paying nearly as much for the veil as for the gown itself. Still, there are low-cost options. Need a veil? Want to save? Try one of these budget-friendly options: If you have the ability to work in crafts, try making your own. Veils are not, usually, intricately engineered. They are, in fact, quite simple, and many brides discover that they can make their own. Visit a bridal shop, get a sense of how most veils are constructed, and then head to a craft store and purchase the materials you will need. And chances are, if you don’t feel confident constructing your own veil, someone in your family or circle of friends can do it.


Purchase a veil online. There are dozens of websites that offer low-cost selections. Among the better websites are:

www.veilshop.com www.wedding-veil.com www.romanticheadlines.com www.bridalveilcreations.com www.veilsalamode.com

Watch for combinations and other deals. Sometimes you can find gown and veil sets that, when purchased together, offer some discount. And when all else fails, ask for a discount or a deal. Again, you will be surprised at how often even a retail store will work with you on the price if you ask. Use a friend’s veil, or make this part of your “something borrowed” selection for your wedding. A veil is one of the easiest items to borrow, and you will likely find several friends or family members willing to loan a veil. Don’t overlook other head covering choices. There are tiaras, combs, barrettes, and other budget-friendly options. Don’t forget those online sites like eBay. It’s amazing what you can find for pennies on the dollar if you look. Garage sales and Goodwill are also choice bets.

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The Rehearsal Dinner

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If you are going to have a formal wedding ceremony, chances are you will have a rehearsal. And there is a tradition that many couples honor: inviting the wedding party, officiants, and other close family to a dinner afterwards. Do you have to do this? Not necessarily. First, check with the officiant (clergy, judge, etc.) to see if a rehearsal is necessary. Sometimes it isn’t with a small wedding. If you don’t need one, don’t have a rehearsal. Why go to the expense of having something you don’t need? And if you don’t need a rehearsal, you can forgo a rehearsal dinner, too. Even more savings! Likewise, I’ve had many rehearsals over the years that did not include a rehearsal dinner. Some couples, especially those getting married for a second time, or those who may be older, simply opt for a walk-through of the ceremony without a postrehearsal dinner. For small wedding parties this may actually be more the norm. However, if you do want to have a rehearsal dinner, there are so many creative ways to have top-notch rehearsal dinners for less— there is no way I can even list them all here. But let’s discuss some of the best ones:


Why go out when you can eat in? Instead of driving to a fancy restaurant, competing for a parking space, and fighting through the crowd, why not have an outdoor dinner at the groom’s family home or in a friend’s backyard, especially if your wedding is scheduled during the warmer months? I’ve been to hundreds of restaurant receptions, catered dinners, and high-brow affairs, and I can say with certainty that some of the best rehearsal dinners have been provided through mom’s home cooking. And if someone is proficient at the grill, the quiet time together (instead of in a noisy restaurant) will be far more conducive for meaningful conversation. You can cook at home for pennies on the dollar (and don’t forget how much that restaurant tip adds to the bill!) as compared to a restaurant. And if the groom’s parents are paying for the meal (by tradition), this is one way they can save a bunch of money. Have a potluck dinner. Or create a potluck theme (Hawaiian, picnic, Italian, etc.). No debt. Enough said. Opt for pizza. Chances are you know a few great pizza places near you that can accommodate a larger group (usually no more than fifty people). Dollar for dollar, ordering pizzas is going to cost a lot less than inviting people to choose between the caviar and steak and the garlic-encrusted lobster. And if you have children at the rehearsal dinner, you can be assured that pizza is a food they might actually eat. Don’t forget: the rehearsal dinner is for conversation and togetherness. It is not meant to be a dinner to impress.

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Use coupons. Of course, you can do this discreetly. But if you manage to find a great deal for buy-one-get-one at a nice restaurant, why not use the savings? The bill will be one check anyway. Who’s going to know? Check out www.restaurant.com. Here you can find thousands of cost-saving coupons. For ten dollars you get a twenty-five dollar gift card. Have the dinner at the church, synagogue, or place of worship. You can likely book space for a rehearsal dinner in the fellowship hall or a smaller room that can accommodate a wedding party. Investigate places like Panera Bread, Subway, or a local restaurant that caters to small groups. Some of these prices are quite reasonable, especially if you get take out instead of delivery. Have the rehearsal earlier in the day (or later at night) and opt for appetizers or desserts instead of a full meal. If everyone in your wedding party is available at an earlier or later time, contour the rehearsal around a creative option in which you might eat before the event, or just before bedtime. Many people might actually appreciate lighter fare instead of a heavy meal, or just drinks and conversation.

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Ceremony and Reception Venues

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Securing a place to have your wedding is, of course, one of the essentials. But you can be creative in your selection, and there are a few things you should know as you plan your wedding location: Are you a member of a church or synagogue? Chances are you will be able to use the facility for free. Although there may be costs associated, such as an honorarium for the officiant, the custodian, the sound technician, musicians, and others, most churches and synagogues will provide the worship space for members free of charge. Don’t be afraid to ask about this, and do request a wedding guide from your church or synagogue so that you know all of the various fees and honorariums up front. (And if you are not a member and expect the space for free, please remember that your wedding has costs associated with it—including heating/ cooling, lights, custodial services, and the time that the officiant must dedicate to counseling and rehearsal/wedding.) Even if you are not a member of the congregation, however,


you will likely discover that a church or synagogue wedding is remarkably less expensive than renting a corporate space, a conference room, or hotel space. If a church or synagogue wedding is not centrally important to your union, why not look into using the facility where you work? Many companies have large reception halls or meeting rooms that you might be able to use for free or for a small fee. As a pastor, I’ve done many weddings in smaller locations and office spaces. It doesn’t have to be fancy, just roomy enough for your wedding party and guests. Don’t forget outdoors. Beach weddings, park weddings, poolside weddings—all of these and more are becoming increasingly popular, and they usually cost far less than using a traditional space. You’ll have the beauty of the sunshine, clouds, and the natural flora to serve as your partner in decoration. Be sure to check out tent rental in case you need a bit of security in the event of foul weather. One of the most beautiful and natural weddings I have ever attended was held in a city park among thousands of rose beds. The beauty and aroma was intoxicating, and there wasn’t a single expense for the bride and groom. Check with schools and universities. Many have rooms that you can rent for weddings and receptions. Some may be for free. If you are a student at a university, you may have other options such as a university chapel or prayer room—and you could arrange for the reception in a dining hall.

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Don’t forget about museums, zoos, art galleries, and other large facilities that might also have banquet halls. Many of these can be leased for weddings, too. There are also a fair number of weddings and receptions held every year on museum grounds—such as near a fountain or in a garden. These options are often low-cost but beautiful alternatives for couples. Many resorts can also provide space for your wedding. Some of these resorts may have courtyards, gardens, or rooms large enough to host your wedding party. You may also be able to obtain a discount on overnight lodging for the wedding party if you have your wedding at the resort. Check out interesting places. Call your chamber of commerce and ask for ideas about wedding locations. There are people who work at the chamber of commerce who can direct you to venues you may not have considered and the chamber can also provide information about accommodations and transportation. Or go online and use www.usacitylink.com to find dozens of potential sites you might not have considered—many for free.

Reception Venues As for the wedding reception venue, I’ve seen brides utilize some rather creative ideas. Years ago I attended a wedding reception in a barn (but nicely done!) and recently I attended another reception at a local fire station (the groom was a fireman). No doubt


you can use your own creativity to help stay within your budget. Other ideas include: As mentioned earlier, consider looking for a lower-cost venue for your reception. Local parks, zoos, museums, resorts, beaches, shelter houses, state parks, and churches and synagogues may yield some low-cost or no-cost options. And if you are willing to go rural, there are some excellent venues to be found here. Recently I was invited to a wedding and reception held on a family farm (no cost!). Not only was there plenty of room for the wedding and reception, but parking was not an issue and the sunshine and garden area made the occasion very special. If you are having a smaller wedding and reception, consider doing it in a home. I’ve conducted dozens of home weddings/receptions, and all were wonderful. Not having to worry about locating a reception area is a big plus, as a wedding reception accounts for nearly 40 percent of the average wedding cost today. Go simple and save. As mentioned in a previous chapter, one couple used a room at a bowling alley for their reception site. Think about where you spend your recreation hours. Could one of these recreational areas become your reception venue? How about a room at the YMCA, the health club, an indoor tennis club, or an indoor rock-climbing building? If you do manage to secure a low-cost area for the reception,


you might be able to find tables and chairs for rent at American Legion halls, from your local church, or from a party supplier in your area. Or, if you have a smaller reception, try using card tables and matching chairs— many of your friends may have a set that they would be willing to loan. Don’t forget that beachside receptions can often be lowcost or no-cost. I’ve attended many poolside wedding receptions at homes. These are low-cost, attractive, and fairly easy to arrange. And many people live in subdivisions that have community pools. Often these are available at little or no cost to these residents for their private use. If you live in a subdivision with a community pool, don’t overlook it. Many local and state parks have shelter houses that can be rented at reasonable cost. If you love fresh air, a shelter makes a lovely reception site, and you’ll even have a roof in the event of rain.

Ceremony and Reception Together— Under a Tent: Canopy/Tent Rental In more recent years outdoor weddings have become popular. Some of these weddings (on the beach, in the woods, on farms) can be quite elaborate, while others are more simply elegant. Most couples who organize an outdoor wedding/reception desire to have some


type of canopy—usually a spread over the couple as they take their vows, or a tent fly for the guests. I would tell you to look for a great deal on a tent by checking with a circus in your area (just kidding!) but you will probably be able to locate some nice tents (maybe even some free ones) if you go in a different direction: Many Boy Scout or Girl Scout troops have larger tents that they use on their campouts. I’m not talking about the two-man pup tents for sleeping, but the larger variety that they use for their dining space or recreational areas. Many of these tents are easy to erect and can provide shelter for a dozen to fifty people. For a smaller wedding/reception, you may be able to find a scout troop that would loan the tents to you or (perhaps) allow you to provide an honorarium to the troop in exchange for using it. The scouts might even erect the canopy or tent for you if you give them a gift! Quick and easy, and you help the kids, too. Some churches also have tents that are used for outdoor congregational nights or fundraising activities. If you are getting married in a church that does have a tent, you might be able to use this space for much less than you would elsewhere. If you desire to have an outdoor wedding, check with your house of worship to see if a tent or canopy is available. You can also find lower-cost tents through some party supply stores. Many of these places have tents that people


commonly rent for backyard parties, family reunions, and cookouts. Again, for a small reception or wedding party they are perfect, and they don’t cost much to rent. Buy some of your wedding items from the party store and they may toss the tent in for free or at a discount. Finally, don’t overlook the possibility of having your reception on a high school or university campus. Many schools have tents that they use for outdoor receptions, faculty gatherings, and socials. Some years back I presided at a wedding for a younger couple (both university students) who used the university’s tent as their wedding and reception space. Some days before, the university had erected the tent for a faculty dinner and they left it up for the wedding—for free! And that included tables and chairs.

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C h a pt e r T hirteen

Music

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It is a rare thing indeed to attend a wedding or a reception that is not accompanied by music. But that doesn’t mean that music has to be expensive. In fact, some of the most emotionally stirring ceremonies are those accompanied by simple music, or by musicians or singers who are friends of the bride and groom. One doesn’t have to hire the winner of American Idol to get quality. Consider one or more of these ideas. First, for the wedding ceremony: If you are getting married in a place of worship, use the staff musician (organist, pianist, cantor, soloist). These people will usually provide music for your ceremony at a reasonable cost and they will know the acoustics of the room and the instruments very well. Also, these people will work with you to suggest music and plan the ceremony. Be aware, however, that some may feel obligated to play only sacred or religious music—so you should be considerate and knowledgeable of what is available to you. A staff musician will usually do


a great job at a reasonable fee (usually between $100 and $200 per ceremony). Don’t overlook hiring a young group—such as a high school jazz band or ensemble—for either the ceremony or reception. Many will play for an honorarium and the experience and there are some high-quality kids trying to get practice in front of a crowd. Talk to the band director or music teacher at your local high school. You can likely secure a recommendation or two. If you have the option of using “canned” music—such as a CD or digital audio—this would cost less. Additionally, many couples will find that some bridal shops will throw in a music CD for free if they spend a certain amount of money. This kind of CD is made up of music that would typically be used at a ceremony. And don’t overlook the possibility of borrowing a few CDs from a friend. You probably have friends who can sing or play an instrument. What better way to use their talents than to ask them to play or sing at your wedding? Most would be happy to do this for you—for free. Download what you want for a fraction of the cost. Ask a teenager to help you download some great wedding music or marches onto their mp3 players or iPods. Downloads are usually inexpensive and you should be able to use these songs at the wedding as long as you are not charging a fee

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for people to listen to them. Now that music is digital it’s easy to find great songs at a reasonable price without buying the entire CD. If you go to Google and type in “wedding music” you’ll get more selections than you can imagine. Wedshare.com is one of the best sites for finding wedding ceremony music. Don’t forget that your public library has CDs. Most of these libraries will carry at least one wedding album and a host of CDs you could use at the reception. They are free—but be sure to listen to each track before the ceremony to make sure there are no flaws. As you begin to think about music at your reception, consider some of these money-saving options: Book a DJ instead of a band. This is much less expensive, and you can select most if not all of the music. You should be able to locate a competent DJ in your area either through word of mouth, the yellow pages, or online (try the American Disc Jockey Association website: www.adja.org). The Internet is loaded with bridal message boards. These contain a wealth of information and experience from brides who will, no doubt, have suggestions regarding the musicians and DJs in your area. You can download and store the music for your entire wedding reception on an iPod. Easy, low-cost, and simple.


Once again, consider family members. Do you have a younger brother or sister who has great sound equipment and loves playing music? Don’t overlook the possibility of asking a relative to provide music at the reception. Websites like The Knot (www.theknot.com) or The Wedding Channel (www.weddingchannel.com) have many musical selections and cost-saving tips. Some reception areas have music that can be piped in for free. Ask about the selections but be sure to check the quality before you take this path.

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C h a pt e r F ourteen

The Officiant

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A wedding is, in its basic elements, a combination of a bride and groom, a marriage license, and a duly authorized official. Nothing fancy there. Just the facts. The official will guide you through your vows and witness the signing of the official document—the license—which is the piece of paper that states that you are now married in the eyes of the law. As a pastor, I’ve presided at hundreds of weddings (in churches, at poolside, in homes, and in parks). And yes, I’ve done my fair share of pro bono work. Most of my pay, however, has been through honorariums (special gifts). While an honorarium may be suggested for performing said duties, couples are usually free to give the official whatever they desire (unless there is a clear agreement as to the amount). People who are members of a congregation are not usually expected to “pay” the pastor, priest, or rabbi for performing the service—but most couples will want to show their appreciation through a gift. But that’s up to the couple and their sense of fairness. Remember, the officiant is taking time away from his or her family to attend to your family… so there is usually a sacrifice (especially when you


consider that most weddings are on Saturdays—a day when families typically spend time together). Many couples may not realize that they don’t have to have a pastor or rabbi officiate the wedding. A judge can officiate at a wedding and, where they still exist, the justice of the peace. I’ve known couples who have gone before the judge to get married, handed over twenty bucks, and that was the end of it—no fuss, no muss, and absolutely no debt for that wedding! They saved everything for the honeymoon—and more power to them! Finally—and I say this in all honesty—if you’re really crunched on cash, don’t hesitate to talk to the officiant about your financial realities. As I stated earlier, I’ve done my share of pro bono weddings for young couples, elderly couples, and the working poor (probably a full third of all the weddings I’ve officiated) and it’s a privilege to serve where I can. I know there are many other religious leaders out there who would do the same. As to the marriage license, all states vary as to the length of time you can hold a license before the wedding date, and they all vary as to requirements. (Some states, for example, require a blood test, while others may not.) All marriage licenses will cost something—usually a marginal fee to cover the legal handling. And you will also be given a certificate (which normally is returned to you for display and social security purposes). Don’t forget to list the marriage license and certificate costs in your budget. Though it is nominal, there is no way around it if you want to get married (legally, anyway). Be sure you get your license and plan your wedding within the time frame allowed by your state.

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C h a pt e r F if teen

F lowers

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What’s a wedding without some beauty? For centuries flowers have been a mainstay of the wedding ceremony and will probably remain so for centuries to come. But flowers—especially fresh ones—can be expensive, and many brides discover that the cost of flowers can quickly bust their wedding budget. However, there are alternatives, and there are ways to use flowers no matter what your budget. Here are some of the best and brightest ideas for the floral component of your day: Not all flowers cost the same. Be sure to check on some of the less-expensive fresh flower options such as carnations, mums, and gladiolus. Visit a local florist and ask for a price list of the varieties. You will discover that you can stretch your budget by purchasing some of these lowercost flowers. Use the variety of flowers that are in season and can be grown in your area. These will be consistently less expensive. Ask a florist.


I’ve known one or two brides who made arrangements with a local greenhouse to grow their wedding flowers. They had to plan in advance, but they ended up with beautiful flowers at a lower cost (as opposed to buying through a floral shop). If you use flower arrangements in the wedding, reuse these as centerpieces or décor at your reception. Recycling is always a large savings. As far as centerpieces go, you don’t have to use flowers. Try balloons, candles, lanterns, or homemade pieces that could, potentially, cost very little. Instead of using a multitude of flower varieties or colors, pick one color to represent your day. Shop this variety around at local florists and see who can give you the best deal on a bundle of flowers. If you are getting married in a church, ask about flowers. Some churches have flowers for worship services and these could easily be placed early for your wedding if you are not choosey about the colors or varieties in your ceremony. You may be surprised at what you can find at the following locations: garden shops or landscapers, stores like Michaels or Hobby Lobby that carry silk flowers, or farmer’s markets. Some of these stores carry beautiful ferns, mums (perfect for later summer and fall weddings!), and flowers that are growing late into the season. These stores often sell these flowers for a fraction of the early season price!

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If your wedding is immediately after a major holiday like Mother’s Day, Christmas, or Easter, you are likely to find huge savings at your local florist on flowers nearing the end of their display cycle. And if you are getting married in a church during one of these major holidays, you may be able to use the fresh flowers which are already on display (such as the Easter lilies or Christmas poinsettias). Use large blossom flowers rather than smaller ones. These larger flowers will fill more space for your money. If the bride carries a smaller bouquet, and you have a smaller wedding party and don’t buy boutonnieres for the guys, you can usually save a few hundred dollars up front. Go easy on the flowers and you’ll spend less on the wedding as a whole. For the men… you can save on boutonnieres a variety of ways. Some wedding parties are opting out of the men’s flowers altogether, and not long ago I presided over a “checkerboard” wedding (a very unique theme!) in which the groomsmen wore alternating black and white tuxes with alternating colored lapel pins that came with the tux rental. And another bride recently told me that she was able to find a florist who provided the men’s flowers at no charge. Check around for specials. And don’t overlook the possibility of making your own carnation boutonnieres or, again, finding someone who would donate a few roses from their garden! Buy a few pins and you’re in business.


There are literally hundreds (even thousands) of online florists. Two of the best-priced options I found are www .obiesfloral.com and www.freshrosepetals.com. The latter site includes great prices on petals that many brides like to drop in the aisle. I will also include the possibility of growing your own flowers (in season) for your wedding. I’ve known a few brides who enjoyed gardening very much and took it upon themselves to provide the flora for their day. Growing your own flowers has the added benefit of creating the colors and flower types you enjoy most, and you can be assured that they will be in stock. You’ll never have to worry about finding your favorite flowers at the florist. Roses, mums, and even some types of exotic flora are perfect options for homegrown flowers. If you’ve got the green thumb and the time to make it happen, be your own florist!

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Wedding and Reception Decorations

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Every wedding is unique when it comes to décor. Some couples spend hundreds or thousands of dollars on “the look.” Others opt for a simple, yet elegant, approach. Some couples hire wedding planners to take care of the decorative details. Others opt to decorate the wedding/reception area themselves, and save money. Obviously, if you are a hands-on person or someone who is looking to save money on decorations, the options are legion. There are many ways to save… and at the same time create a beautiful wedding environment. Here are some of the more common wedding and reception items and their low-cost or no-cost alternatives that you may wish to try.

Aisle Runner and Pew Bows Aisle runners were originally used in churches years ago to help keep a bride’s dress clean as she walked down the aisle (dirt floors!). Eventually the runners assumed their present white hue to match the wedding gown. And today, many brides forgo the aisle runner all together.


However, if a bride is looking to use an aisle runner, here are some money-saving options: Check with the church. Some churches have cloth aisle runners that are reused after washing. The site www.wrapwithus.com has aisle runners for less than $20, and if you order other items, you might get an even better deal with the shipping costs. Some bridal shops carry aisle runners of various lengths. But don’t purchase an aisle runner longer than you need. Be sure to ask for the aisle measurements. Shorter runners, of course, will cost less. Instead of using the traditional white aisle runner, do something creative and line your aisle with flower petals or other small décor. Check out www.beau-coup.com for many lowcost items you could use for this. You can make your own pew bows by purchasing ribbon and light-gauge wire from a fabric store. There are designs online, or there are numerous templates you can find in craft books or bridal magazines.

Unity Candle Set and Altar Candles In more recent years couples have established the tradition of lighting a wedding candle or “unity candle” during the ceremony. The symbolism of this is simple: the idea of two lives (lights) becoming

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one, the uniting of two families, the melding together of two individuals into a marriage. Not everyone will want a candle, however. Some couples are now opting for more unique expressions of unity such as pouring different colored sands into one bowl, pouring salt into a container, or a simple expression of giving flowers to the parents. Couples wishing to include a unity candle in their ceremony would do well to look for some debt-free solutions among the following: Avoid purchasing a candle set that has the word “wedding” attached to the box. Wedding paraphernalia is often more inflated in price. And savvy advertisers use “wedding” to appeal to brides or families who are searching for the perfect fit. But there is nothing special about these wedding candle sets. All you need is a larger candle, some holders, and usually a couple of thin taper candles, and you are set to go. Look for candles in dollar stores (and yes, sometimes you can find the exact candle set on these shelves for dollars less than you would pay for the set in a bridal shop or online). Other options include visiting www.hobbylobby.com or www.michaels.com. Create your own candle set by shopping in a party store. Most of these have a wide selection of candles, and the larger wholesalers like Pottery Barn have more candles on display than you can imagine.


Reuse a candle set. Really, can you tell if the candles have been lit? And if a few friends go in together, it’s easy to make one candle set last two or three weddings. Cheap, yes, but I doubt any of your guests will notice. And really, how often are you going to get your candle set out and look at it? Why pay for something you are just going to stick in a closet to gather dust? Don’t forget to check with your church or synagogue. Most have candle sets you can use. And if saving your set of candles as a keepsake isn’t high priority, why pay for a set of candles at all? Sometimes bridal shops will throw in candle sets as a bonus on major purchases, so don’t be afraid to ask. For all of your candle needs, there are many online options for discounts. It may surprise you to know that many churches and synagogues purchase their candles through Oriental Trading Company—an online and catalogue business that caters to parties and bulk purchases for children. The website is www.orientaltrading.com. Here you’ll find plenty of deals on smaller candles and bulk purchases. Other online candle suppliers include:

www.candlecomfortzone.com www.waxwizard.com www.genwax.com www.printedcandle.com


All of these suppliers have many choices, colors, and styles for every taste and need.

Rice, Bubbles, Seeds The tradition of throwing rice or seed at the bride and groom following the wedding is still going strong. There are, however, many ways you can save money here: If you are going with rice or seed, you should be able to make your own small packets for your guests by purchasing an inexpensive bag of rice/seed, a couple of yards of nylon netting, and a few twist ties. Cut your netting into five inch squares, fill with seed, and twist tie the tops. Presto! Bubbles are very inexpensive at www.orientaltrading.com. You can also find other inexpensive options for rice or seed bags at www.wrapwithus.com.

Ring Pillow A pillow for the rings isn’t necessarily an expensive item, but some couples pay surprising amounts for them. Still, you should be able to make your own, even if you don’t have a sewing machine. A very simple design for a ring pillow can be found at www. ehow.com/how_17555_make-pillow-ring.html. Use a hand-me-down pillow or family heirloom. Really, if you ask around, someone in your family should have one!


General Reception Decorating Tips Rent your décor instead of buying it. There are many party stores and florists who have wedding/reception packages. Check these out and see how they compare. Decorate the reception area yourself. Instead of hiring a decorator to bring in table settings, table centerpieces, tablecloths, wall décor, and such—make your own. At one recent reception I attended, the groom’s mother had made the table centerpieces out of Korean fans and had also crafted each of the napkins and wall hangings. It was tastefully done—but not overwhelming. Keep in mind that the number of guests is much more than the tables— most receptions will have less than twenty-five tables to decorate. If you are looking for nifty make-it-yourself ideas, check out www.ehow.com; type in the item you would like to make, and you’ll likely get several ideas. For dozens of low-cost table decoration and room décor ideas, visit www.beau-coup.com/table-decorations.htm. Loads of color and fun here. If you are looking for a bright, festive, and playful look, try balloons instead of flowers. They are far less expensive and the cleanup is much simpler, too. If you have children at the reception they will appreciate being able to take a balloon home with them.


If you are having an outdoor or a beach reception, don’t overdo it on the décor. Use the natural beauty. Keep it simple. Check out eBay as another source of low-cost decorative ideas. There are thousands of unique items that you can often purchase for just a few dollars. In addition, eBay is an excellent way to pick up some of your package items like balloons and place mats. If you are looking to have designer place cards at your reception tables, two low-cost options can be found online at www.myownlabels.com and www.placecards.com (1–800–279–1989). Or visit www.ehow.com for great tips on how you can make your own place cards for pennies on the dollar.

Paper Products for Décor and Reception Every couple I talk to always tells me that they spend more on paper products than they anticipated. Some of these costs are included in the catering service, but not all. For example, many couples planning a do-it-yourself wedding end up using napkins, place mats, paper (or plastic) cups, paper towels, and paper decorations galore. And many brides comment that they spent more on tissues (for weeping mothers and grandmothers) than they imagined they would. Here are some ways to get more paper products for less—and sometimes for free:


Buy from dollar stores. Again, these are often the same products you can find elsewhere—and many of the packages are a flat buck in cost. If you are having a large reception and can save some catering costs by purchasing your own paper products, buy in bulk at a store like Sam’s Club (www.samsclub.com) or BJ’s Wholesale (www.bjswholesale.com). What you don’t use for the wedding/ reception you can have on hand for your house. Become a “secret shopper” and get free kickbacks. The secret shopper service is a great way to find many of these paper products. Have you heard of secret shoppers? These services are always looking for people to visit stores, fill out surveys, and rate prices and customer satisfaction. The perks? Income, coupons, and other freebies. If you’ve got the time and want to make money while you shop, you can probably get all of your paper products for free as a secret shopper. Watch for scams, though. Two of the larger services in this vein are: www.secretshoppercompany.com and www. mysteryshoppersamerica.com. If you are having your ceremony and reception at the same site, see if the church or synagogue will provide your wedding party with a supply of facial tissues, paper towels, and paper place mats. Most will do this if you ask. Check with local restaurants and fast-food chains. Many will give you free paper products in exchange for the advertising.


So, if you don’t mind using a napkin with an advertising logo on it, get it for free! You can also find some nice pricing on wedding supplies like napkins and paper towels at websites like My Party Pal (www.mypartypal.com) and Costco (www.costco.com).

Punch Bowl For some the punch bowl is still a tradition, but for other couples it is now a thing of the past. But if you plan to have any type of punch bowl with the cake, consider saving by: Borrowing a nice crystal punch bowl and pouring ladle from a relative (check with your grandmother or aunt). Include a punch bowl set in your bridal registry. If someone purchases this for you (a close relative perhaps?), ask if you can use it at the reception. Chances are they would love to see you put the gift to use right out of the box! Some catering services provide a punch bowl as part of the total catering costs. Will they throw it in for free? Some churches and synagogues have these on hand in their kitchens. Again, free! So check.

Toasting Flutes You can find some decently priced toasting flutes at stores like Bed Bath & Beyond. Someone in your family may also have a pair of


flutes that they would be willing to give you. They are not difficult to find, especially if you don’t have your heart set on getting a set with cute little wedding bells engraved on them (watch out for those specialty “wedding” items). Other low-cost flutes can be found on www.essortment.com, and www.beau-coup.com has many styles of flutes, glasses, and beverage containers that might also be able to be used in the kitchen after the wedding.

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Catering

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Catering can be the one aspect of your wedding day in which you can make the largest dent in your expenses, if you take the time to research and plan. Food, after all, is expensive—especially if you are serving a few hundred guests. In the Steve Martin version of the movie Father of the Bride, there is a scene in which the father receives the estimate for the “per person” cost of the reception. The price tag is astronomical. He gasps and asks, “How much?” Every couple or father of the bride is likely to ask this same question when the price tag comes back from the caterer. According to the latest figures offered by Denise and Alan Fields in their book, Bridal Bargains, the national average for a 175-guest catered reception comes in at a whopping $9286. However, this figure, as they point out, is representative of a full-blown reception across the country. But when you are planning your beautiful reception on your budget, your question may not be “how much does it cost” but “how much can I cut?” Consider the following debt-free ideas:


Work with a caterer who has good recommendations from people you trust, one who can provide several options on a cost “per person.” A caterer who is independent is going to typically charge less than an “in-house” catering service who works for the rental site or hotel. Let the caterer offer suggestions for saving on the food—whether full fare, snacks, or a reception with a full bar. If you go alcohol-free at the reception, you are going to save. Or go with a cash bar as another option (guests pay for their own drinks). Instead of serving a meal, serve finger foods or hors d’oeuvres only. Go old school and just have cake and punch at the reception. If you have your wedding in the morning, don’t overlook the possibility of having a breakfast or brunch meal (instead of a dinner with heftier-priced roast beef or chicken). A breakfast bar can feature such items as eggs or omelets, pancakes, hash browns, or pastries. This fare will prove to be much less per person than a dinner buffet. An early morning wedding may be more difficult to get going, but many of your guests will appreciate attending a wedding and reception that will be complete by noon, and as the bride and groom, you may actually be more rested for the honeymoon. If you have competent people in your family who can cook or who like to shop and serve, don’t overlook providing your

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own meal. You can find fantastic supplies and selection at many wholesale clubs and gourmet supermarkets, and if you’ve got the friends willing to put the food out and serve it up, you’ll definitely save. This is a great option, especially, if you are having your reception in a church, synagogue, or fellowship hall, and your party is smaller. Check out www.weddingtopics.blogspot.com. You’ll find tips on how to save on catering and much more. Steer clear of menu items that require labor-intensive preparation. These cost more. Some of the more expensive items commonly found on catering menus include: fancy cheese and vegetable hors d’oeuvres, shrimp cocktail, and items that must be prepared by baking. Less expensive options might include cheeses and crackers, raw, sliced vegetables with dip, or fruit chunks. And don’t overdo the hors d’oeuvres either. A couple of options are fine. Don’t overspend by having five or six of these prepared. Provide your own volunteer labor, as the caterer is going to charge extra for helpers (such as people to pass hors d’oeuvres or to cut cake). Remember, catering labor costs may be half the bill, so if you just stick to the food, you’ll save. Watch out for extra costs associated with displaying your food on silver platters or fine china. You can cut costs by opting for simplicity of presentation.


Ask the caterer about regional or ethnic menus. These may be less expensive and more unique (many of the wedding receptions I’ve attended have exactly the same menu from the same catering service!). Do you live in New England? How about clam chowder and seafood? Live in Texas? How about Tex-Mex? Remember, if you are trying to create your beautiful wedding, you don’t have to be like everyone else. Some menus are more unique and can save you money, too!

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Beverages/Wine

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As with the catered dinner, the cost of beverages for your reception can add up quickly. Some couples have discovered that beverages (especially if liquor is included) can easily make up half the reception cost. So again, here is one place that couples should focus on when it comes to planning a truly beautiful wedding. As you consider your beverage selections, you should remember that serving soft drinks, water, and coffee only at the reception is a huge savings all the way around—sometimes to the tune of a few thousand dollars. So—consider these realities as you plan your budget. Now, as to ways to go debt-free, here are some of the best ideas for beverages: Bring your own beverages instead of including these with the catering service. Usually much cheaper. A catering service or restaurant always makes their greatest profit margins on drinks—alcohol especially. So if you can cut these costs by doing it yourself, go for it. Sodas, coffee, and tea are generally easy to procure and/or make, besides.


It will likely be less expensive to have your guests pour their own beverages than to hire waiters and/or waitresses to pour drinks or bring drinks to the table. Set up a separate beverage table for this if you need to create more space and availability. Check with a soft drink company and see if they can set up a special soft drink machine for your reception—the type you would find in a fast-food restaurant. Your guests can serve themselves. If you have sufficient numbers, many will do this for you and the savings can be greater than what you can find by purchasing bottles or cans on your own. Buy online. Again, check out the prices at the large warehouse stores. Buy larger containers of beverages (gallon size at minimum) in order to maximize savings and transportation to the reception. Many of the warehouse stores have industrialsized containers of tea, water, and lemonade, in particular. So buy large and save larger.

Wine I have included a separate section on wine because wines can be an expensive part of a reception. Obviously, forgoing the wine or champagne at the reception can save money, but wine has been a part of weddings for centuries and doesn’t seem to be going anywhere. So let’s discuss how to get the most vino for your dollar.

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In a recent Money magazine (May 2008), there was a wine study conducted by Stanford and Caltech researchers in which they served two identical glasses of wine to the blind-study participants. They told each person that the first glass was poured from a $10 bottle of wine and the second glass poured from a $90 bottle of wine. Most people preferred the more “expensive” wine—though the two samples were identical (poured from the same bottle). How might this little tidbit help you to plan a debt-free wedding? Simple. Most of your guests (unless they have an extremely astute wine knowledge or ultra-sensitive palate) simply won’t be able to tell the difference between an expensive wine and a budget wine. So buy the less expensive! In wine service alone you can save hundreds (thousands?) of dollars. And the same goes for champagne. Who, really, is going to know the difference? Here are some other ideas for saving on wine: You can save money on wine by visiting a local winery and buying direct by the case. One couple I know saved a lot of money on their wines when they set up a wine tasting at the reception in lieu of serving wines. They found a local winery that was willing to use their reception as advertising for their label. They had a unique feature at the reception, and the wine was free! Don’t forget that wine bottles come in magnum sizes, too. The larger the bottle you can purchase, the more you save. You don’t have to have a bottle of wine on every table.


Recently I noted another great wine idea that a couple was using. They had visited a local winery some months before the wedding and bottled their own label—the bride’s and groom’s name right there on the bottle. This was the wine they not only served at the reception, but they also purchased extra bottles which doubled as their gifts to those in the wedding party. In essence, it was a nice savings—as the wine served double duty. There are now many wineries that will allow individuals to brand their own wine label for special events. For more information, check with some of the wineries in your area, or visit a winery website to see if it has this unique opportunity. Watch for deals on champagne (for your toast). Champagne is often sold on the cheap on January 1 or the days following New Year’s. Retailers are eager to unload their extra inventory. Plan ahead and buy in advance for the best deals. Finally, you can now have wine shipped to most states, and there are some great bargains out there online. Shipping costs can often be prohibitive, but if you are looking to buy by the case, you might be surprised at what some wineries will do to gain your business and confidence.

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The Cake

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Cake has been a part of wedding tradition for many generations, yet it’s amazing how much we’ll spend on a consumable item made essentially of flour, sugar, and water. And when it comes to wedding cakes, couples will quickly discover that the sky is the limit in terms of pricing. Typically, however, wedding cake costs are figured by the slice—so an accurate guest count is the first step in determining how much you will need/want to spend. Most of the recent estimates I have seen (and after checking with bakers directly) come in around the $3 per slice range (and these are not, usually, very large slices). So, if you have a hankering for saving money on your cake, you’ll have to do some thinking. But there are ways to do this. Here are some of the best debt-free ideas that I’ve seen couples utilize: Stay away from fancy icing designs. Did you know that most of the cost of a wedding cake is in the labor of designing the frosting? Well, that’s art, and art costs money. So if you go simple, you’ll save. Combine a simple frosting job with some fresh flowers for a more elegant appearance.


Better yet, decorate the cake yourself if you have the knowledge and a steady hand. Know someone in the family who can do this for you? Buy a large cake and design the artwork yourself. Don’t think you have to use fancy frostings either. You can purchase a myriad of cake decorations at most bakeries and wholesalers. A simple coat of frosting and some sweet, edible cake decorations (like candy hearts or flowers) might be a huge savings. And when it comes to cake, like wine, who can really tell the difference between a box mix and an original recipe from the bakery? If you don’t have any cake snobs among your wedding guests, why worry about an expensive cake? Remember, it’s there to enjoy—not to impress. Watch out for “cake cutting” fees. Yes, some bakers and caterers charge for this service. But why pay for it? Can your Aunt Edna cut a cake? You bet. Ask her to be in charge. She’ll love it. Steer clear of the “wedding” knife, the “wedding” toasting flutes, and the “wedding” serving spatula. They are out there—high-priced specialty items that are no different from anything you can purchase at Target. They just sound important because someone has attached the “wedding” label to them. Use a knife from home. Bring your own toasting flutes (or wine glasses). Are there any heirloom items you could use?

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Instead of a cake, why not serve cupcakes? How about some other dessert like fresh-baked cobbler, peaches and ice cream in season, or turnovers? You can be different, you know. Save money while creating a sweet reception folks will remember. Buy cake toppers and other nonedibles online. Check out eBay (www.ebay.com), Amazon (www.amazon.com), and others. Make your own cake toppers. You can find a myriad of ideas by thumbing through the women’s magazines in the bookstore, especially mags under monikers like Martha Stewart, Rachel Ray, and Oprah. Use origami cake decorations. There are lots of books out there on how to do it with paper. Purchase a small cake from a baker for “show” and serve up a store sheet cake to your guests. If this cake is stored in the back and brought out when you are ready to serve it, no one will know. Save the “show” cake for your first anniversary! Work out a deal with a bakery where you can pay in installments. Or, if you have the money, ask what the savings would be if you paid the total up front (as opposed to 50% down and 50% upon delivery). Just be sure you know the baker and can trust that he/she will deliver the goods. Paying up front can save you a few dollars. Buy individual cakes for each table to serve up themselves, and again have a “show” cake that is much less expensive.


Most guests will appreciate having a cake at the table instead of having to stand in line for a slice, and you can save money by purchasing these cakes yourself. You may also be able to save on the groom’s cake by asking for a deal from the bakery or by buying this smaller cake yourself. Some couples also opt to make the groom’s cake another flavor altogether, and if you have someone in the family who can make a spectacular carrot cake (for example) or an elegant German chocolate cake, why not have this cake prepared separately by a loved one? Or, if you really want to get creative, why not let the groomsmen prepare the groom’s cake as a special gift? Can you say “Emeril”? When it comes to cakes, don’t worry so much about the appearance as the function. It’s there to be eaten, and it will be gone in a jiffy. Sure, it’s pretty to look at, but once you start cutting it, it’s a mess no matter how you slice it. Cakes don’t have to be expensive to give you enjoyment. With a little budgeting and planning, you should be able to beat the average $3 a slice on cake and have a lot of money left over for more important and long-lasting memories and items.

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Photography and Videography

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A visual record of the wedding ceremony and reception will be important to most couples. However, I have discovered that it’s rare that couples actually sit down to watch their wedding video or peruse their wedding album, say, ten years later. Most of these wedding photos, DVDs, and albums simply end up on the bookshelf or in the closet, gathering dust. Am I saying you shouldn’t have photographs or a beautiful visual record of your wedding? Not at all. Photos and videos are important. But take care that you don’t place so much importance (and earmark so much of your budget) on the pictures that you lose your focus on the marriage. Many couples have blurred vision or narrow-lens syndrome when it comes to photography and videography. They get lost in the moment of the flash and lose sight of the big picture. Not long ago I asked one couple what they spent on the photography and videography portion of their wedding/reception. They gulped when they admitted the costs exceeded $2000. (Incidentally, that seems to be about the national average for wedding photography


costs these days!) When it comes to photography and videography, couples will encounter some of the highest prices and, potentially, a sizeable portion of their wedding budget. It’s also been my experience that, of all the elements of a wedding, photography is the one thing that can give couples headaches. The horror stories are legion. Lost film. Out-of-focus photos. Difficult personalities. Bankrupt studios. I’ve known more than a few couples who ended up with no photographs of their wedding, despite the fact that the photographer snapped hundreds. There’s also this to consider: professional photographers usually take great photos, but with the advent of the digital age, high-end equipment now goes a long way toward the creation of high-quality photos. In fact, many wedding photographers have gone out of business now that digital photography equipment has become so widely available and people can, essentially, buy the same equipment as the pro. So you will need to decide if a professional photographer will deliver the kind of quality you want at a price you can afford. I’m not downplaying professional photographers, just helping you ask the larger questions as they affect your budget and philosophy. After all, lost photos and other frustrations can occur just as easily when you are relying upon the goodwill and intentions of a family member or friend who owns a camera. The pro should get it right. And you should be assured of getting what you pay for. So before we get to the debt-free tips, you might consider the following questions:

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Are you going to want to create a photo album with larger prints (8 x 10s, for example)? If these larger prints are not in your frame of reference, you might be able to get by without a pro. Larger prints don’t look good without expert light saturation, framing, and resolution. Without the proper equipment (like lighting umbrellas), even a good digital camera won’t cut it for larger formats. If large photos are in your plans, you’ll need a photographer who has both equipment and expertise. Otherwise, you’re likely to be disappointed in the results.

Will you want editing in your video/DVD? If you want more than just a running shoot of the wedding and reception then you’ll need someone who has sound and visual editing equipment. Actually, unless you just want a long soupy video of the entire afternoon/evening (that you’ll probably never watch again) you will want someone who can create a short, fast-paced, exciting version of your wedding and reception, set to great background music and images. But again, if this isn’t important to you and you can live without it, then certainly don’t pay for it. Ask Uncle Bob to bring his video camera and tripod and make do.

How much time do you want to devote to mugging for the camera? If you are not enamored of smiling until your face grows numb, consider how much you will be paying to be miserable. Naturally, if you pay big money for a professional, you’re going to want to get your money’s worth. I’ve known couples who have devoted hours of time for photographs before the wedding, and more hours afterwards, while


totally ignoring their guests. So ask yourself: where is your priority? Are you going to stage everything for professional shots, or can some of the photography be accomplished as you are being yourself at the wedding and reception? How much time do you really need to devote to photographs as opposed to interacting with the people you love? If you are the type who loves the camera, you might enjoy having a professional snapping away every time your turn around. Or maybe not. But you will have to decide how much you want to pay for this perk. Now, on to the debt-free ideas. Here are some of the best to help you plan your photography budget: Ask the photographer if you can purchase the digital images outright. If you can, and these are stored on a disk, you can make your own selections and print your own copies for much less than you would through the photographer. Not all photographers will allow you to do this, but it does save them time and trouble, too. Other photographers may give you the option of buying additional photos months after your wedding (one of the great things about digital!), so you can always wait and pay for more photos later. Negotiate the price, if possible. Whether you go with a professional photographer or use a friend or family member who has a nice camera, be sure to review samples of his/her photography. If you don’t like the results, don’t sign up. Ask for references. Most photographers


have websites where couples can review work in advance and even decide what type of photo package they desire. When you are selecting a photography package, choose only the number and style of shots you really need. Don’t go overboard on the selection and the photographer won’t go overboard on the price. For videography savings: use only one camera and save. Another cost savings can be found in having a straight video shoot, then doing your own editing later (if you have the equipment). Increasingly, people will find that video can be edited on their personal computers, and with the right software package, many people can do this on their own time and money. Finally, be sure the videographer is giving you all rights to the work—it should belong to you! Then you can make your own copies for family and friends. Want to save by searching for the best photographer and videographer? Check out online sites such as the Professional Photographers of America website (www.ppa .com) or Wedding and Portrait Photographers (www .wppionline.com). Both allow you to search for photographers in your area and review samples of photographic work. If you absolutely need free or inexpensive photography/ videography, you could always purchase a camera yourself, and then ask a family member or friend to shoot your wedding and reception. You’ll likely end up with photographs that


will please your eyes as well as your pocketbook, and you’ll have a camera for the honeymoon as well. I’ve also seen many couples who decide to save money on their engagement portrait by taking this photo themselves. A tripod and camera on a timer, coupled with a beautiful day in a city park, can yield a myriad of opportunities if a couple is creative. I’ve seen engagement photos taken by couples in the following poses: sitting side by side on a park bench and kissing, looking into each other’s eyes amid a backdrop of fall foliage, reclining on a picnic blanket. Be wary of purchasing your photo album through the photographer. Often you can find the same albums at a much lower cost online or at hobby stores. If you are adept at scrapbooking, don’t overlook the possibility of making your own album! Many brides are much better at this than the photographer. And don’t forget, with digital photography you can always add to your album later. If you are on a tight budget, start small and add to your album a bit at a time. This will also give you and your spouse something to do in the years ahead and will help you rekindle your memories of your special day.

Disposable Cameras In recent years many couples have begun leaving disposable cameras on each table at the reception. This is a quick, easy, and relatively low-cost way of photographing your guests and the reception fun.


However, the quality of these photographs leaves a lot to be desired, and most couples complain that many of the shots don’t turn out (not to mention the number that are wasted by children who just want to make a face and a flash). In lieu of purchasing these disposable cameras at retail price, how about going with one of these alternatives (which are also lower-cost): Designate a family member or friend to roam the reception with a digital camera and take photos. Better clarity for sure. If you are going to use disposable cameras, opt for something creative, such as black and white. These photos will look more artistic and will add a special flare to your reception memories. You can often find packs of the disposable cameras online for much less. Check out Costco (www.costco.com) or Sam’s Club (www.samsclub.com). If you know someone who is an artist or who has cartoondrawing skills, hire this person to create artistic memories of your guests (and really have fun). Don’t overlook using a teenager who has artistic skills. For an honorarium and the cost of some paper, you might do just as well as buying the disposable cameras.

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For the Groom

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Let’s not forget the groom and his needs. Grooms can often get overlooked in the wedding plans, but if he can save some money and contribute to a debt-free marriage… wow, what a guy! Better keep him. So, turn him loose to try out a few of these great debt-free ideas: Look for package deals that give the groom his tux for free. Yes, these deals are out there. Many tux shops will at least negotiate a free tux for the groom if the groomsmen rent theirs. Is a tux necessary? If, for example, you are having an outdoor wedding, or a wedding on the beach or in a park—is formal wedding attire a must? Or would it just get in the way—or cost you additional fees in cleaning and transportation? Consider going without the formal wear, or consider allowing the groom and his men to wear traditional black or navy blue suits. If your wedding is creative anyway, why not save even more by forgoing tuxes?


If you do rent a tux, make sure the vest and/or cummerbund is included in the rental price. If not, ask for these to be included in the cost. Same with a shirt and/or tie. Wear your own black shoes. Really, are people going to notice the difference between rental shoes and a pair of nice, black dress shoes that are polished? Since most tux rentals don’t include shoes, everyone in the wedding party can save ten bucks or more just wearing their own. Instead of renting a shirt, wear a nice dress shirt instead. Most men will have a traditional white shirt in the closet. And beware. It might actually be less expensive to purchase a tie or cuff links outright instead of renting them. And don’t forget, some of these items could also be borrowed from relatives or friends. How about that rich uncle with the gold cuff links? He might just loan you the whole shebang! As with brides, grooms can often find better deals on tux rental if they don’t go to a specialty shop. Look for good deals in men’s clothing stores or in retail shops that often deal in tux rental as a sideline. And, if you can find coupons for tux rentals, by all means use them.

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Transportation

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In recent years there has been a steady production of wedding-related movies. It seems that Hollywood has a fixation on humorous wedding situations and just can’t seem to satisfy our craving for matrimonial disasters. We’ve seen such movies as The Wedding Singer, Wedding Crashers, Father of the Bride, My Big Fat Greek Wedding, and Four Weddings and a Funeral— just to name a few. And in each movie, there is at least one scene involving transportation to or from the wedding—usually a scene involving the bride, the groom, or some member of the wedding party zooming across town trying to make it to the church on time. These scenes, no doubt, play off of our deepest fears about missing the important moment—oversleeping, getting caught in traffic, or forgetting the time of the ceremony altogether. When it comes to wedding transportation, it’s a free-for-all. Perhaps that is why so many brides and grooms insist on making limo service a part of their wedding plans. But when it comes to creating a workable wedding budget, there are transportation options that can be just as reliable… and much less costly. So let’s talk about transportation for a bit.


While limo service may not be the most expensive item in your wedding plans, renting a limo isn’t a cheap trick, either. Usually, you are paying by the hour (at an average rate of $75 to $150 an hour, depending upon where you live) and overtime is not uncommon. In fact, it is very easy to drop $500 into limo service (not including the driver’s tip) for a drive to the wedding site and from the wedding site to the reception and/or the airport. Keep in mind that, as soon as the limo pulls in, you’re on the clock (if not before). A limo waiting outside the wedding site (church, synagogue) for an hour or two is charging for those hours. By the time the bride and groom get done with photos, load in, and drive around for a bit on the way to the reception, there’s another hour on the clock. And if the limo waits at the reception to take the bride and groom to the hotel or airport, that’s a few more hours yet. Can you say, “Big bucks”? Couples can truly save on transportation, however, if they consider other options: Rent a luxury car and ask a relative or good friend to drive you. Think about it. When you go on vacation, you often rent a car. You pay by the day, usually. And in some areas of the country you can rent a luxury car for much less than you can hire a limo for a few hours. Use a company car. There are many people (perhaps even the bride or groom) who have full use of the company car—and many of these automobiles are quite nice. Why rent a car when you can travel free of charge?

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Don’t overlook the unique option of traveling in a police squad car or a fire truck. I’ve presided at a few weddings over the years where the bride or groom has been on the police force or the fire department. They were able to arrange the use of a squad car or fire truck to take them to the reception. (And if you are a person in uniform, don’t overlook the huge cost savings of having some of your bridesmaids or groomsmen in uniform instead of dresses and tuxes. A double savings!) As a pastor, I work closely with many funeral directors. Some months back I noted that the funeral home limo was being cleaned and the funeral director informed me that the limo had been rented by a couple for their wedding. (Most funeral homes, in addition to having the hearse, also have limos for transporting family members.) “Oh, yes,” he told me, “we rent out the limos for weddings whenever we can.” And guess what, a funeral home limo is generally much less than renting from a limo company! Is your wedding on a day other than Saturday? Rates can often be cheaper on these “off nights.” Consider alternative forms of transportation. How about something unique like a horse and carriage (if your reception area isn’t far)? How about your Uncle Bob’s RV? What about the friend who owns the classic convertible or the Model-T? How about the church bus? A trolley? A bakery truck (if you’ve got a sense of humor)? Being picked


up curbside by a FedEx truck (if you’ve got a real sense of humor)? (But beware of motorcycles! Wedding gowns and motorcycle spokes don’t get along very well!) If you are getting married at a church or synagogue, transportation may be included by the place of worship. Many churches have recreational buses, vans, or shuttles that could double as your transportation to the reception site or to the airport. For a small fee, you might be able to reserve both the vehicle and a driver. How about going retro and just driving away in your own car? No fuss, no muss, no cost! Get a dependable friend to drive you to the reception and you are set. Instead of renting a limo from the hotel, travel on board the hotel shuttle to the airport. Hey, give the other patrons something to talk about. You’ll be the center of attention and you might even get a standing ovation! You’ll always have that memory.

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Gifts and Favors

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Most brides and grooms will want to thank the people who have participated in their wedding: bridesmaids, groomsmen, ushers, parents, musicians, and officiants. A part of this appreciation can be demonstrated through a gift. After all, some people in your wedding party may have traveled great distances, taken a day or two off of work, or invested money out-of-pocket to be a part of your special day. A gift will show that you recognize their efforts and sacrifice. A gift is a way of saying “thank you.” As you consider your gifts and favors, however, there is no hard or fast rule telling you how much to spend. Indeed, these gifts could be quite costly—but they could also be personal, meaningful, and individualized. A wedding favor doesn’t necessarily have to cost a lot of money to convey a sense of gratitude. Often, the most meaningful gifts are those that convey the heart of the giver rather than the size of the wallet. As you consider giving to your wedding party, why not make the most of your creative energies and help people to remember the true beauty of your wedding. Of course, the smaller your wedding party,


the fewer gifts you will have to give, so consider this when you are planning your wedding budget. Here are a few fantastic ideas that will help you give your heart on any budget: For your bridesmaids, prepare personal baskets or bags filled with goodies such as cards or photos containing some of your most cherished memories. The baskets/bags could also contain bath soaps, oils, lotions, powders, scented candles, and other sundries that you can buy in larger quantities and divide. You probably know what each person in your wedding party enjoys (hobbies, interests, etc.). Try to cater your gift to each around those interests. You could, for example, give each one a magazine subscription, some supplies for hobbies, or a gift certificate that will help each person enjoy a special evening or outing. If your wedding party will be together for a few days before or after the wedding, how about purchasing some tickets (group rate) to an event such as a concert, sporting event, or show? You may have a lot of friends and family who enjoy music and/or movies. Often, people appreciate a CD or a DVD that they can enjoy, rather than the traditional wallet, money clip, cuff links, or wedding jewelry that they might never use. Cater your gift toward a personal touch.

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Check with the massage therapists in your area and see if some might offer gift certificates for relaxation therapy. If you have a lot of friends and family who are high-stress people, a free massage or spa treatment might be just the thing to help them unwind in their leisure. Have friends and family who enjoy wine, coffee, chocolate, or tea? There are many gifts you can give that would incorporate a nice bottle, a gourmet kit, a club membership, or a basket of these goodies into the mix. Again, you can personalize this type of gift for each individual in your wedding party. You can find most of these items at Target by the box, and then divide them up to create your own gift sampler. Go green. Give your attendants and helpers a nice mix of flower seeds, vegetable seeds, or a potted plant that can be enjoyed for months. A gift certificate for a garden shop might also be appreciated by those who want to make their lives a little greener. Cook up some fun by giving your attendants and helpers a selection of some of your favorite cooking staples. Popular choices might include a nice bottle of extra virgin olive oil, some dipping oils for bread, gourmet pancake mixes, bread mixes, salad dressings, dried fruits, nuts, and herbs. You could also branch out a bit and provide kitchen staples such as a small cutting board, an egg whisk, or a set of mixing bowls. Anyone who enjoys cooking or good food will appreciate a basket for the kitchen.


Ever seen Oprah’s “My Favorite Things” episode? Why not duplicate this idea for your favors, but on a smaller scale, of course. Select some nice (but low-cost) items that you appreciate and give your friends a basket of these—or hand them out at the rehearsal dinner and explain why each is one of your “favorite things.” Have some fun with this one. If you and all of your attendants play golf, how about giving them all a sleeve of golf balls with the name of the bride and groom (and wedding date) embossed on the cover? These are easy to find, and relatively low-cost as far as favors go. You could do the same with baseballs or another sports item, if you are part of a group of friends who just love athletics. How about buying each person a book? Books are relatively inexpensive (especially if you buy a number of copies of the same title) and you can usually find a title that would appeal to younger, older, and the casual reader alike. And don’t overlook a fine children’s book as an option. One bride I know gave each person a Dr. Seuss title. The kids loved it, but so did the adults. You can’t beat a great book. Buying quantities of books at Amazon.com, you can also get free shipping. Don’t forget that you can find many low-cost items at Oriental Trading Company (www.orientaltrading.com). This bulk warehouse features some zany selections as well as hundreds of fun items that can be purchased on the cheap. Shipping can sometimes be a bit top-heavy, so be aware of this as you add the total. I’ve used Oriental Trading for


years and have made dozens of low-cost purchases. And don’t forget this place if you are shopping for decorations, bubbles, or bird seed. A great place to shop for less. The site www.beau-coup.com is an online source of fantastically inexpensive gifts and favors for wedding party, guests, parents, and more. For another low-cost (but very personal) favor, you could burn a CD for each of your attendants. This CD could include some of your favorite recipes, favorite music, or even a personal letter of thanks. If you have friends and family who are philanthropic and may not desire a gift, consider making a donation in their honor to a charitable organization. This would also be a tax-deductible gift for you (in most instances; check with your accountant!).

For the Parents Brides and grooms may also wish to give their parents a gift—either at the wedding or at a later time—to demonstrate their love and appreciation in a tangible way, especially if the parents are paying for a sizeable portion of the wedding and reception. Many couples, however, struggle to find an appropriate gift. Toward that end, I’d like to offer here some great gift ideas for parents that, while appropriate and significant, might not stretch a couple’s thin wallet too far:


Give them a trip. Sound too expensive? Consider the possibilities (and savings) if you were to purchase their trips at the same time you plan your own honeymoon. Many couples are able to locate significant savings and fantastic deals on multiple ticket purchases and hotel reservations. (Now, lest you think I’m some kind of prude—don’t think I’m suggesting the parents accompany you on your honeymoon! Make sure their trip is scheduled for another time!) Give gift certificates. This may seem a bit impersonal, but you might be getting some nice kickbacks from the retail stores that handled your wedding registry. Some will give you gift certificates as a perk, and you might be able to get additional gift certificates in lieu of duplicate items that people purchased on the registry. Giving these certificates as gifts can be significant, and you can make them all the more personal by purchasing a nice card and writing a heartfelt note of appreciation to your parents. Give a “care” package. This package doesn’t have to be expensive, but it can be filled with some invitations and exciting opportunities. One couple gave their parents a list of invitations that included coupons good for “one dinner with us,” “one movie with us,” and “one quiet evening with us.” These personal coupons can mean a lot to parents who want to stay in touch, and you can pay their way later when you go to the movie or to dinner (saving your wedding budget). The care package, of course, could also include


coupons for other personal needs such as a massage, a day spa, a park pass, or a gift certificate to a favorite restaurant. Cater the package to your parents and their tastes. With some thought, you should be able to create a significant gift that would mean a lot to them. Affirm their hobbies. Give your parents some gifts that will help them to find the rest and relaxation they may need to recover from your wedding! If you have a parent who enjoys hiking, how about a compass, backpack, or a nice walking stick? If you have a parent who enjoys gardening, how about giving flowers or some gardening tools, or a coupon good toward a master gardening class? If your parents like to read, don’t overlook giving them a magazine subscription to a favorite periodical, or a gift card to a favorite bookstore. Better yet, if you know their reading tastes, buy some books you know they will enjoy. You can also write a personal thank you in the flyleaf of the book. And for the real bookworms in the family, consider purchasing a fine leather-bound, gilded-edge volume of a classic novel if your budget allows. Give an antique. If your parents are the kind of people who enjoy older furnishings and beautiful memorabilia, don’t overlook the idea of finding something wonderful for them in an antique mall. Antiques don’t have to be expensive to be valued, and if you know what your parents enjoy, you should be able to find an appropriate keepsake that will fit your budget.


Make a DVD. Your parents may not know how to use technology, but they might appreciate the gift of technology. If you are the kind of person who loves producing your own DVDs and home movies, why not make a profile of your parents? Collect some old photos, stir some moving songs into the mix, and you should be able to create a beautiful portrait of their lives. Just be sure they know how to press “Play” on the DVD player or computer! Use your own creative energy. I’ve known couples who have written original songs for their parents and others who have created poems or photo montages. I’ve seen paintings given in love, and beautiful flower arrangements. You’ve got that kind of creative energy, too. Tap into it and see what your creative mind produces. If your creation comes from the heart, you can’t go wrong, and you’ll be giving a gift that your parents will cherish forever.

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Miscellaneous

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Every wedding has its odd assortment of unexpected moments and unanticipated costs. Likewise, if couples can look ahead and plan to save on a few of these odds and ends, they will have money to spend on the more important items (or, better yet, will end up with money in the bank). No couple can ever anticipate all of the costs of a wedding, no matter how carefully they plan. There will be unexpected tips, a dollar needed here or there, or a last-minute purchase that will inevitably stress the budget. Toward that end, here are some unique, budget-saving tips on sundry items that can help you keep a few dollars in your bank account before, and after, the wedding.

The Guest Book You know the routine: when guests arrive at the wedding ceremony they are commonly asked to sign their names in a small, pastel-colored booklet using a pink-feather fountain pen. Or maybe it just seems that way. After all, these registry sets all look alike.


But when you go to shop for these cute little book and pen sets, don’t be surprised at the cost. And don’t be surprised if you can create another registry concept that will capture the hearts and imaginations of your guests. How about using one of these beautiful ideas: Invite your guests to sign a photograph. I’ve seen this idea used on several occasions now, and guests love it. Here’s how it works. Develop one of your engagement photographs into a large format (bigger than 8 x 10) and mat it on an 18 x 24 inch sheet of watercolor paper (which you should be able to find at Hobby Lobby or Michaels). Place a small placard next to this photo inviting your guests to write a message to the bride and groom on the watercolor paper. You should have several ink pens available, and a card table works perfectly for this display. When you take this photo home you can frame it, creating a keepsake that you can hang on the wall rather than stuff into a closet. In lieu of developing the photograph (at a cost) you could simply invite guests to sign the watercolor paper. Instead of purchasing a guest registry book, give each guest a postcard upon arrival. Invite everyone to write messages to the bride and groom and drop these into a collection box or collection hat before they enter. These short messages will be much more personal and you will have fun reading them on your honeymoon. This is a no-cost idea that offers much more support and emotional weight than having your guests sign their signature in a book.

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Instead of having your guest registry at the wedding, create registry cards for each table at the reception. While your guests are seated at their tables, they can write messages to the bride and groom and place these in a basket centerpiece. At the end of the reception, these can be collected. Instead of thinking paper and pen, think video. Use your videographer, or a family member with a video camera, to make the rounds at the reception. At each table, guests can offer their best wishes and thoughts to the bride and groom. This is one video you might actually watch from time to time. (If you have a large reception, try creating a video space or backdrop where guests can stand to record these messages.) In regard to ink pens—don’t think that you have to purchase a fancy feather plume or exotic pen. In fact, many of these simply don’t write well. Instead, purchase a small supply of nice, black pens at an office supply store and use these for the wedding and reception. There will be plenty of ink left for you to have a nice pen for work also.

Storage Containers Couples who begin making their wedding plans early are always astounded at how much storage is required for their items (decorations, attire, stationery, shoes, napkins, etc.). Keeping everything in order and accounted for can also be a daunting chore. That’s why storage is important. But it can also be expensive.


Consider some of these lower-cost options for your debt-free plans: Visit an office supply store (or check out the storage room in your own office building). Ask if there are any used boxes earmarked for the trash. Boxes used to hold reams of paper are perfect for most of your storage needs. These boxes are heavy-duty, have lids, and can be easily labeled with a marker. Also, they fit well on shelves or in closets, so you can stack them to maximize your space. Instead of purchasing plastic storage containers, visit a moving company (Allied Van Lines, Red Ball, Mayflower, etc.). These moving companies have thousands of used boxes. If you ask nicely, they would likely give you a few used boxes for free. If not, look into purchasing a small stack of flat boxes. The book-size boxes are perfect for most of your needs. They also have wardrobe boxes (often for rent) in case you need a storage area to temporarily store your gown or bridesmaids’ dresses or the men’s tuxedoes. If you do need plastic storage bins or other sturdy containers for your dresses and decorations, check out The Container Store (www.containerstore.com). You’ll find hundreds of options here, many low-cost.

Bridal Magazines While we are discussing miscellaneous items, perhaps a brief mention of the various bridal magazines would be in order. Bridal magazines

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are plentiful on the rack and they do contain some of the most up-todate and detailed articles about gowns, attire, and creative weddingplanning ideas. They can be helpful—and even fun to peruse. A bridal magazine can also provide some thought-provoking quizzes, creative budgeting ideas, and even advice from top counselors. Grooms can also find ideas in some of these magazines and others provide guidelines for honeymoon destinations and bridal shower ideas. Some of the larger circulation magazines on the market include Modern Bride, Brides, Bridal Guide, and Martha Stewart Weddings. You can find these magazines, and others, in the bookstore or the grocery. Just don’t get carried away and spend all of your money on the magazines! Save a little cash for your own nuptials, and don’t forget that magazines are there to provide ideas that might spark some of your own creative thoughts. Create your own wedding, and don’t depend on the magazines to budget for your wedding or tell you about the hottest or the latest trends. You are the one in charge of your wedding and your budget.

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The Everything-forFree Wedding!

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This is a rather novel concept: get your entire wedding, or reception or honeymoon, for free. Is such a thing possible? You bet! A few years ago I was asked to preside at a wedding for a couple who had just won an all-expenses-paid honeymoon destination package from a local radio show. For months I had been hearing about this big prize on the radio program, but had never stopped to think that, yes, some lucky couple was going to win it. Chances are you’ve also heard of such prizes being given away on the radio and television stations in your area. Bridal magazines, websites, travel companies, and many other businesses also give away wedding packages every year to entice couples to use their products and services or to create a marketing buzz. These packages are often designed to market a service, or they may be designed as tax write-offs for businesses looking for quick and easy ways to dump excess hotel accommodations or additional luxury cruise rooms. Often it is advantageous for a cruise line or hotel to give a room away instead of leaving it vacant. The gift not


only exposes people to the company, but can also entice other people to vacation with the cruise line or to stay at a certain hotel. And there are many other free gifts for couples—not just hotel rooms. But the best part is—some lucky couple will get to enjoy the benefit of these free perks. As you are planning your own wedding and honeymoon, stop to ask yourself a few important questions: Are you and your fiancé the type of people who enjoy meeting others, or shaking hands, or being in front of the camera? Are you open to having your wedding or honeymoon planned by people who want to show off their goods and services? Do you love the bright lights or the microphone? Could you be happy with a destination honeymoon and a predetermined itinerary? Would you like to travel to exotic locations? Would you be willing to receive a wedding or honeymoon prize and, in exchange, give interviews, fill out forms, and/ or be available for marketing questions and follow-up? If you answered “yes” to one or more of these questions, you might be a couple who should apply for one of the many “free” wedding packages that are out there. Nationwide, there are hundreds of them—and they vary in size, location, and perks. Some of these free packages require the couple to invest time and energy during or

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after the program. Others are gifts that the couple simply receives under no obligation. Most of these programs have guidelines for application, while others are just luck-of-the-draw. The premier all-expenses-paid wedding package is probably offered by The Today Show (NBC Television morning show) every summer. This show offers an opportunity for four lucky couples to receive votes from a national television audience and have their gowns, tuxedoes, wedding cakes, jewelry, and honeymoon destination decided by a fan base. They select nothing, but they receive everything—including the opportunity to have their wedding viewed by a national television audience along with follow-up interviews after the honeymoon. Naturally, this is a long-shot contest… akin to winning the lottery. But the couples who participate in the show do learn a lot about marriage and all of the runners-up do receive prizes as well. Log onto The Today Show website to get details of upcoming wedding shows and opportunities (www.TodayShow.com). While this show is certainly prized for its comprehensive approach to the all-expenses-paid competition, there are hundreds of smaller contests out there that can net lucky couples many free wedding items, free transportation, free cruises, and free honeymoon destinations. Don’t overlook the possibilities lurking in the shadows of those bridal shops, cruise lines, bridal magazines, websites, radio shows, and television shows. They are out there! Among some of the more well-known opportunities of large scale proportion, check out some of the other morning television shows. Good Morning America (abcnews.go.com/gma) and The Early Show on CBS (www.cbsnews.com/sections/earlyshow/main500202.html) are


two fine sources. Be sure to check online with the local stations in your area also, and keep your eyes peeled, especially, for summer wedding shows and newspaper articles that might list upcoming contests or wedding packages for lucky couples. There are also several websites that feature news and contest information for wedding and honeymoon packages. Read these over carefully, as each varies. Some of these sites include:

www.weddingcontests.com www.win-wedding.com www.gr8weddingd8contest.com www.ThePerfectWeddingProgram.net www.DisneyWeddings.com

Each of these websites offers upcoming contests and/or opportunities to apply for free wedding packages. In addition to the sites listed above, be sure to check out some of the cruise line and airline websites. Cruise lines not only offer discounts on some cruise packages, but they do have honeymoon destination contests from time to time. These opportunities make great honeymoon packages and the competition can be enormous, but, as they say, you can’t win unless you put your name in the hat. So don’t be overwhelmed by the odds. Go ahead and sign up. In short, couples that aren’t afraid of the limelight, don’t have an aversion to being interviewed, or who don’t mind receiving a detailed itinerary or “plan” for their wedding or honeymoon might do well to apply. Depending upon the package, couples may not


have a lot of choices—they may have to take the package “as is”—but if they aren’t afraid of being a marketing tool or an advertising icon they can often get a large part of their wedding and/or honeymoon for free. Naturally, the larger the contest, the stiffer the competition. But there are enough small contests and gifts out there that most couples should be able to locate one or two that they could easily apply for. Bridal shops and other stores also give away free gifts from time to time, and sometimes there are bridal registries that offer free items. Couples who are on a fixed budget, or who truly want to plan a debt-free wedding, should get their name in as many of these as they can. After all, someone is going to win these prizes. It just might be you! But what if you aren’t the type that craves the limelight, or you don’t like inviting other people into your business? What if all you are looking for is a way to create a beautiful wedding on a workable budget? You may be wondering: are there other ways to get some portion of the wedding for free? Actually, there are ways. Let me count them for you. First, don’t overlook the incredible opportunities that exist when it comes to finding used items for your wedding. Think of it. Every year there are literally millions of people who get married nationwide (thousands in your area alone) and the supply of “pre-owned” wedding items is amazing. Many couples may overlook the possibilities of finding some wedding items at Goodwill, or thrift shops, or


even pawn shops. But these stores can often stock gently used items that can be used again… without anyone knowing the difference! For example, don’t overlook the possibilities of finding great deals on artificial flowers, ribbons, wine glasses, photo albums, storage containers, toasting flutes, and even unused candle sets and wedding veils. Many couples shed these accessories soon after their weddings. They just take up space and have little to no sentimental value. If you watch, you should be able to snag some great deals. Second, there are now networks online for people who want to find or give away free items. Unlike eBay or some of the other online sites designed for people who want to sell their items, these alternative sites help people to locate free items or to give items away. Many people are joining this movement to save our landfills and to, essentially, recycle items that might otherwise end up as trash (though still very useful). One of the best online sites is www.freecycle.org. You simply sign up with your name and location, then add your own requests or ads for free stuff. If someone has an item you need, you go and pick it up (free stuff!). And if you have an item you don’t need, you can give it to someone in your area who wants it. Another site, www.craigslist.org, is also an excellent resource for shedding free goods. Finally, don’t overlook the possibility of simply working with another couple to swap some of your wedding items for double usage. Maybe you can buy in bulk and both save on decorations, table settings, paper goods, and invitations if you coordinate your efforts and share alike. What are friends for?


Consider all the possibilities when you go to look for free items. Even if you don’t get your entire wedding for free, you can still create some beautiful moments from recycled items. You save. Others save. And you help the environment, too. You can’t buy that kind of beauty.

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Bankrolling the Honeymoon

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For many couples the honeymoon is the crown jewel of the wedding. After all, planning a ceremony and reception are labor-intensive. Interacting with hundreds of guests can be physically and emotionally draining. Pasting on a smile for dozens of photographs can be demanding. For these reasons and more, the honeymoon is often valued as the sweetest and most relaxing time for a couple. But depending upon the plans made and the desire of the couple, a honeymoon can be anything from a quiet getaway to a luxurious vacation. A honeymoon can range from a couple of days in length to several weeks. The time can be relaxing or hectic. It can be free or tightly scheduled. And, of course, a honeymoon can be relatively inexpensive or very costly. You’ve already read about some couples earlier in this book and how they planned their wedding and honeymoon. But let me tell you about two others. Recently I was talking to a couple who had “downsized” their honeymoon plans in order to live within their means. Instead of taking a two-week cruise, they opted for a beach getaway. Neither of them liked


being on a boat anyway, so they simply traded the “romance” of the cruise for a lower-cost option. They liked the idea of lounging on the beach much better than lounging on a pitching deck. The other couple is my wife and me. We were married twenty-five years ago (yes, we will be celebrating our silver wedding anniversary about the time of this book’s publication—and I hope not to forget this one). The summer we were married I had to return to graduate school to complete a final year at Duke University. We were young, in love, and poor. (Now we are old, in love, and somewhat better off financially, thank God!) But back then, we didn’t have a lot of time to plan a honeymoon. Our wedding and reception had been a relatively small affair and, like many who get married in college, we had neither the resources nor the opportunity to design an extravagant getaway. Driving back to North Carolina from Indiana, we managed to scrape together enough money to spend a night in a hotel on the way to Myrtle Beach and take two more restful days in the sand and sun before returning to the grind of university life. We used cash exclusively on the honeymoon and even managed to watch a first-run movie one evening: Revenge of the Nerds. It was a fitting tribute, I suppose, to our age and station of life (or maybe it was just a commentary on me). But we did return to campus debt-free, and, somehow, we even managed to graduate debt-free also. All in all we did well, and we had a happy and relaxing honeymoon in my estimation (movie notwithstanding, as my wife often reminds me). Now, you probably have much bigger plans for your honeymoon. I certainly hope so! But there are some principles here that can

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guide you in organizing a debt-free getaway. Regardless of the size of your wedding and reception, or how much money you desire to spend, pause to consider the implications of having a debt-free honeymoon. Remember, as soon as you return to the “normal” days of married life, the two of you are going to have to live together, work together, plan together, and pay together. You are going to have to manage your honeymoon debt (if you have any) and you may feel the financial implications of your honeymoon expenditures for months or years to come. Having a debt-free honeymoon will give you a running start in married life. You won’t feel the stress and burden of receiving the credit card bills. You will be able to move forward with other plans, other dreams, other hopes and aspirations for your life. One thing is certain: honeymoon debt begets regret. I’ve rarely talked to a couple who enjoyed their honeymoon so much that they were overjoyed with the reality of having to pay for it over the next five years. A blowout honeymoon may be fun in the moment (what honeymoon wouldn’t be fun?) but after it’s over, the couple has to live with the reality of paying for that special moment in dollars and cents. According to the most recent financial stats on Americans, the average credit card debt is $10,000. And there are a great many couples who take on a portion of this debt to pay for their honeymoon. In other words, many marriages have a tenuous financial foothold from the outset, and the debt only compounds and worsens as the months slip by. Going into debt on the honeymoon is no way to begin a marriage. That’s why budgeting and planning are essential to


couples who want to create a lasting relationship. Financial pressures remain the number one reason for marital breakup, and the honeymoon is no place to begin living our bad habits in a marriage. So, keep your honeymoon plans real—especially when it comes to the reality of your budget (and your income). Don’t go overboard with planning a honeymoon you can’t afford. You can create a budget that can support a fantastic honeymoon experience if you use some of the following ideas. I want to offer here some of the best honeymoon advice you can find anywhere—especially when it comes to saving money and setting a realistic budget for your special days together. I want to give couples some solid advice on where and how to find those creative ideas that last a lifetime rather than just a few days. I really want couples to be able to embrace their dreams rather than live in a dream.

Honeymoon Dreams I’ve known many couples who have organized some amazing honeymoons—big and small, quaint and expensive. A honeymoon is a very personal experience, and everyone has differing ideas of what a dream honeymoon will look like. While my own honeymoon was simple and relaxing, that type of experience is certainly not appealing to everyone. Yet, even an expensive and highly structured honeymoon can be debt-free, if a couple plans ahead. Consider Steve and Eileen, a couple whom I married years ago. Steve was a huge sports buff and had always been attracted to the high-energy drama of athletics and the bright lights. Eileen, while


not a sports fanatic, loved the big stage. As they were planning their wedding, I recall that they continued to have discussions about their honeymoon destination. Eventually they narrowed their choices down to three locations—places and experiences that would satisfy the interests of both. New York City was one option—with time for a Yankees game and a Broadway show. Chicago was another choice—with baseball and shopping. And Las Vegas was a third—a destination that also held something of interest for both. As Steve and Eileen planned their wedding, they did a tremendous job of creating priorities. They cut wedding costs as much as possible, opting for a simple ceremony at the church with a few family and friends, and their reception was cake and punch, with some live music thrown into the mix. But they spared nothing in their honeymoon plans, as they eventually figured out a way to finance all three destinations! It was not just a matter of money, but also networking and scheduling. Steve, who flew often in his work, had racked up some significant frequent-flier miles. He and Eileen were able to use many of these points in getting discount airfare to New York and Las Vegas. Also, Eileen had good friends in Chicago who put them up for a couple of nights. And as a bonus, Steve’s boss even threw in a couple of Chicago Cubs tickets as a wedding gift. All things considered, they were able to have a tremendous honeymoon—busy and tightly scheduled over two weeks—but


certainly fitting for their interests and energy. And by the time they returned home, they had taken the honeymoon of their dreams debt-free. (They didn’t even lose any money in Las Vegas!) I’ve known other couples who had equally spectacular honeymoons on less than stellar budgets. Some have stayed closer to home. Others have traveled to exotic ports of call. Some have concentrated their time on the beach—which is always a relatively inexpensive way to honeymoon. Others have found ways to travel abroad during off-peak times when rates were good and the savings incredible. The most important factor, of course, is planning: planning your budget, your income, your experience. If you keep it simple, you, too, can plan a wonderful honeymoon getaway that will be both fulfilling and memorable—all on a budget you can afford. As you plan your honeymoon, keep your dreams and options open. If you plan ahead, work your plan, and save for the adventure, there is no reason why you, too, can’t create a debt-free honeymoon. Don’t allow your honeymoon dreams to cut off your creativity. Don’t put yourself in a box and think that all honeymoons have to be expensive, or, that, if you have an exotic destination in mind, that the dream is beyond your reach. When considering your honeymoon, there are many elements that can affect the cost, the availability, and your ability to pay for it. In this chapter you will find dozens of ideas that can, hopefully, charge up your creative batteries, offer you tips on how to save money as you plan, and provide some insights that can help you organize a debt-free honeymoon.


Explore Off-Peak Times As everyone knows, there are peaks and valleys in the vacation season. We’ve all taken a summer break or family vacation at peak times and discovered that, not only are the crowds larger, but so are the bills. During peak times hotels cost more, airfares are higher, and store owners know they have a captive market (and subsequently, prices go up). At peak times meals can cost more, and so can a bottle of sun lotion. However, at the off-peak times businesses are more apt to run specials, or try to undercut competitors in pricing wars, or offer discount rates. Arranging your honeymoon during an off-peak time (just like arranging your wedding during off-peak times) can save you hundreds, if not thousands, of dollars. Be careful, though. Don’t assume that off-peak times are the same throughout the world. Do your homework. Peak vacation season in Australia (southern hemisphere) is very different from peak vacation season in northern regions of the world. The same can hold true for Caribbean sails, European vacations, and even trips to other parts of the United States. Be sure to stay away from school breaks (such as spring break on the Florida beaches) unless you just love the atmosphere of large, boisterous masses of teenagers and college students. Holiday vacations are much the same in other locations, and the airports can be extra crowded. Couples honeymooning at off-peak times have some real bargaining power and financial leverage. Don’t be afraid to ask for specials. Negotiate with hotels (yes, you can do this!). Comparison shop and call back if a competitor makes a better offer; see if the other hotel, spa, charter, or guide can match a lower offer.


You may discover that if you make your plans early, you can even come in under budget. And that’s your goal. You want to get home without debt. You want to begin your married life free of the “honeymoon hangover.”

Delay the Honeymoon Many couples are finding that, after hosting a wedding and reception, they are physically and emotionally exhausted. Not a good combination for taking a meaningful honeymoon. But I’ve known many couples who wait a few weeks or a few months before setting out on their honeymoon excursion. This not only gives them time to rest, but time, also, to recover from the financial burdens of the wedding, time to tie up loose ends of the honeymoon, and time to get used to the pace of married life. I’ve known two couples who have taken their honeymoon as a first-year-anniversary trip, rather than immediately after the wedding. They felt the delayed honeymoon not only helped them save money and plan more completely, but also gave them a new, exciting charge to their marriage as they entered the second year together. In a sense, the honeymoon was like taking a special anniversary trip, too. If you need more time to save for your honeymoon, delaying a bit can be the answer. It also gives you something to look forward to—rather than having wedding, reception, and honeymoon clustered together over a course of days. Many couples may also discover that a delayed honeymoon makes the experience more memorable and helps them to savor the wedding more completely. The honeymoon


isn’t rushed. And when they do get to take the trip together, they are refreshed and eager. Likewise, if you do delay, use the extra time to search for the best deals in your accommodations, travel, and entertainment.

Stay Local Are your finances tightening as you begin to plan your honeymoon? Don’t like to fly? Hate to travel? Prefer being close to home? Then what’s wrong with taking your honeymoon in a more local setting? Chances are you can find plenty to do in your area, and there is likely to be top-notch entertainment within an hour or two (drive time) from your home. Check out concerts, art galleries, beaches, trails, boating, kayaking, bicycling, or sporting events. And don’t forget bed and breakfasts as an option for a private getaway. If you stay local for the honeymoon, chances are you can organize a low-cost honeymoon that might allow you to actually enjoy a longer stay than if you were taking a flight to an exotic land. If both of you enjoy being near home, why spend big money to be bored or uninspired? Keep it local and have the time of your lives. You’ll likely be able to honeymoon for hundreds, rather than thousands, of dollars. Write or call some of the chambers of commerce in cities near you to get information on sites, special deals, and accommodations. You can also go online. Most cities have websites now and these sites are usually filled with options for visitors who may wish to review what the city has to offer. If you stay local, expect to have more time for each other and far less expenditure.


Book with a Tour Company If you are the type of people who can follow a crowd and don’t mind traveling on tour buses, check out the many honeymoon bargains you can find worldwide through tour companies. Most of these tours cover all of your accommodations, entrance fees, local transportation, and tips. But you often have a fair amount of free time in some of the destinations also. Booking with a tour company also saves time and trouble if you like the idea of paying a lump sum rather than having to carry traveler’s checks or cash. Your travel guides take you to the destinations, show you a good time, and do all the legwork for you. No muss, no fuss. Two options here include Sun Trips (www.suntrips.com) and Gray Line tours (www. grayline.com). Both have excellent reputations and the prices are competitive, especially when you consider all that is included in some of the packages.

Prepay to Save Don’t overlook the savings that can be realized through prepaying for your honeymoon, or by finding a package deal. Honeymoon packages are available through most travel agencies—but there are also dozens of online sites that deal exclusively with honeymoon planning. Again, be smart and compare. Couples can often save money by prepaying for certain aspects of the honeymoon, particularly airfare, hotel, and entertainment plans. At off-peak times, some of these deals get even sweeter. Prepaying can also provide the benefit of enabling a couple to pay by the month, or to arrange a payment plan. Some couples might


also discover that they can have the bulk of their honeymoon paid for before the wedding.

Travel for Art Do both of you enjoy looking at great works of art? Have you ever said, “If only we had the time to visit these museums?” Do you enjoy the laid-back atmosphere of the museum and the art gallery? Your honeymoon could be the perfect opportunity to visit some of these museums and take in the greatest works of art. Naturally, destinations like New York, Chicago, and San Francisco are going to offer a plethora of options and enough art to hold your interest for days. You can also go online to check on exhibits that might be available during your honeymoon.

Watch and Listen for Deals Since the “wedding industry” is so large, there are many ways to save by combining the wedding and honeymoon. But nothing beats finding a good deal. Explore the Internet. Talk to travel agents. But don’t forget to network among family and friends also. Many couples will find that some of the best honeymoons have been triedand-tested by others. There are likely family and friends who can steer you to low-cost destinations, people who can get you great rates at top-notch hotels, and who have many ideas on where you can honeymoon for less. You may also know someone in the travel industry who can cut you a wedding/honeymoon deal. Think about it. And keep your ears open.


Go Golfing I’ve known a few couples who were both avid golfers, and one of the reasons they booked a golfing honeymoon is because of the great deals. “You can’t believe some of the packages you can find online,” one groom told me. “Many of the top resorts cater to couples who want to book a four- or five-day golfing package.” Indeed, some of the packages I found included fantastic greens fees that included cart and other amenities. Some years back, when Tiger Woods was just coming onto the professional golfing scene, there were thousands of new courses built in anticipation of golf’s rising popularity. For a while most of these courses were jammed, but now the golfing craze has died down a bit and there are thousands of courses working to entice people with incredible deals. And if you have a course in mind you want to play, tell the course pro you would like to have a golfing honeymoon and see what kind of deal you get. You’ll be surprised. Also, don’t overlook the golfing packages you can find in Hawaii, Florida, Myrtle Beach, South Carolina, and other hot honeymoon destinations. Many of these packages include hotel accommodations along with greens fees and cart. You can’t beat that for honeymoon savings.

Use Your Contacts Consider the people you know who might provide you with honeymoon lodging as their wedding gift. For example, do you know a friend or family member who owns a vacation home? It might be the perfect locale for your wedding reception and/or your honeymoon lodging. Some couples might be able to arrange a relatively free wedding and honeymoon experience just by utilizing a gift like this.


How about that couple you know who owns a condo or a timeshare? Would they be willing to share it with you and let you honeymoon there? How about the business partner who owns a high-rise apartment? Could you lodge there? Or how about your boss? Any company policies or opportunities that might afford you the use of the company car, the company jet, the company limo, the company recreation area? You might be able to go a long way on the company dollar if you ask the right people. Or how about that wealthy uncle who belongs to the swanky country club? Any chance of using the dining hall there as your wedding/reception area and staying overnight in the lodge and using it as your honeymoon home base? Make your contacts work for you. Don’t be afraid to ask for a favor or about the availability of a room, a space, or an overnight lodging possibility. Some of the best gifts can be the ones that make the wedding and honeymoon possible (the space itself). And if you can get the space as part of the honeymoon gift—you’re well on your way to a debt-free marriage.

Camping Camping is not for everyone. My idea of camping is napping by the pool at the Hilton. But camping is certainly a low-cost option for honeymooners. Earlier I mentioned national and state parks, but there are literally thousands of places where people can camp. Tent camping is just one option, too. There are larger pop-up versions that can be pulled behind a truck, and, of course, couples can always rent


an RV. Many people love the idea of taking a honeymoon in a camper, hitting the open road, going wherever the wind and their whims take them. With an RV, the rental would be the only major expenditure (along with gasoline). A couple could pack their own food and bring their own entertainment. The rest is all sunshine and love. For the more rugged individualists, tent camping provides some very low-cost overnight lodging, and if you are not hung up on spending a lot of money on entertainment, the honeymoon can almost certainly be debt-free.

Combine the Wedding and Honeymoon Destination Many shoppers know the power of BOGO (Buy One Get One) or of getting a “twofer”—two-for-one. This smart shopping philosophy can also hold true for a wedding/honeymoon package if couples are truly eager to go debt-free. The idea is simple: travel to your destination, get married while you are there, and stay for the honeymoon. Immediately, thoughts of the Las Vegas quickie might come to mind, but there are dozens of creative possibilities. For example, try looking into:

The Beach What could be more enticing than arranging a beach vacation (relatively low-cost if you want to relax in the sun) and getting married at sunrise? A small wedding with a few family and friends can reap huge rewards for your pocket book, and do wonders for your tan. The entire wedding/reception/honeymoon experience never leaves the sand.


Mountain Getaway When I lived in North Carolina, I witnessed several weddings at quaint, mountainside chapels. For those who love nature and the outdoors, a mountain wedding and honeymoon is a low-cost, but refreshing, option. Hiking and exploration can be a real adventure, and there are plenty of scenic areas that would be perfect for a gathering of family and friends. The mountains offer fresh air, sunshine, and some fantastic, romantic lodges. Some couples might even find that they can book their entire wedding party in a large lodge at an off-peak time (and for a bargain price). A mountain wedding/honeymoon offers a host of amenities—not the least of which is great savings.

Historic Settings If you and your fiancé enjoy a more cerebral vacation, why not consider getting married and honeymooning in a historic setting? There are dozens of historic bed and breakfasts that would love to host your wedding and your overnight honeymoon stay. Destinations such as the Biltmore Estate in Ashville, North Carolina, Jekyll Island in Georgia, and Santa Fe, New Mexico, provide some fabulous history combined with a host of recreational options. Historic settings usually provide plenty of natural beauty and a multitude of overnight options—and very romantic accommodations to boot. Don’t overlook the possibilities that come with getting married in the same place where other famous leaders, actors, or writers took their marriage vows. With a bit of research you can find dozens of locations that could be a wedding and honeymoon destination once visited by royalty.


National or State Parks Many of the most beautiful backdrops for a wedding can’t be created with paper and lace. Consider the beauty of the fall foliage in Maine, or the majestic redwoods of the Pacific Northwest, or the majesty of Yellowstone. In your home state, you also have scenic parks that offer their own colorful and pristine backgrounds for your wedding and honeymoon. And what better way to have a debt-free wedding than getting married and honeymooning at a national park? You may not have to travel far, and there are plenty of venues to host large groups of people for an affordable cost. You save on both ends of the equation, and the two of you end of having plenty of time for quiet walks, quiet talks, and all the pillow time you need.

The Disney Experience Over the years I’ve often fantasized about retiring to Orlando and becoming the official chaplain at Disney World. I’d just hang out with Mickey Mouse all day and preside over a few weddings each week. But actually, large parks like Disney World (or any amusement park) do offer some built-in perks when it comes to entertainment, cuisine, and lodging. It’s all there. And sometimes the deals can be surprisingly affordable. Do it all in one place—get married, entertain your guests, and stay for the honeymoon. Better yet, if you arrange the wedding at the right time, you might even get the bulk of your family and friends to Disney on their dime—not yours. If they were going to take a family vacation anyway, or if you work out a deal to help pay for just some of the costs, you might find that a wedding/ honeymoon combo of this nature can save you lots of money.


Do Reality As odd as it may sound to some couples, you might discover that the possibilities of a free wedding and honeymoon could be just a phone call or first-class letter away. Every year there are dozens of television programs (like The Today Show), bridal magazines, and radio shows that offer opportunities for couples to compete for all-expensespaid wedding packages. But the first step is getting your name in the hat. If you think you may have what it takes to compete in this type of reality program, or if you just like the idea of doing something off-the-wall, you might explore some of these opportunities. (See the previous chapter on The Everything-for-Free Wedding.) Who knows, you might be selected as the grand prize winner and receive the honeymoon package of your dreams—all expenses paid! Now that’s really debt-free!

Sail Away For many couples, nothing beats romance like the idea of a honeymoon cruise. And, of course, what could be more romantic than being married at sea by the captain? (Okay, so maybe you’ve seen those sappy Love Boat reruns and know it’s not quite that good.) Nevertheless, there’s something to be said for doing it all at sea. They’ve got the mile-high club for fliers—so why not get your wedding and honeymoon kicks on the waves? But there are other ways to save on the high seas, also. For example, some cruise lines offer discounts for those last remaining cabins that they can’t fill. If you are looking to get married quickly and don’t have much time for planning, you could possibly get a debt-free wedding and honeymoon package by booking a quick


cruise. You might need to do some fancy paperwork to get your marriage license and passports in order before you set sail, but it could be worth it (romantically and financially). Also, don’t overlook the possibility of chartering your own cruise. There are dozens of sailing clubs on the East and West Coasts, as well as on the Great Lakes, that take charters for some very reasonable rates. These ships (or sailboats, such as larger cabin cruisers) are often captained by seasoned sailors who would enjoy showing you how to sail, visiting some ports of call (maybe of your choice), and allowing you to relax on board. If you charter a smaller boat, you might be the only people on board, besides the captain and his crew! Most of these smaller cruisers can be chartered for a fraction of the cost of booking a room on a major cruise line. And your experience is personal, rewarding, and extraordinarily memorable. Arrange to have your wedding before you leave port and you are all set. Imagine having your family and friends waving goodbye to you as you sail off into the sunset on your personal charter! Finally, even if you don’t like the water (you get seasick or are just naturally a landlubber) but you do appreciate the beauty of the ocean, don’t overlook the possibility of chartering a docked boat for your wedding, reception, and honeymoon stay. There are dozens of larger boat owners who would welcome your charter—especially if you’re not leaving port. Larger yachts have all the amenities you would need to host a wedding and reception… and your overnight lodging for the honeymoon could be on the yacht itself. You sleep on the boat, and use the onboard bedroom as your home base for your other honeymoon excursions on shore. You might even know


someone who has a yacht that would be perfect for your wedding/ honeymoon home base. Most yacht owners don’t live on their boats year round, and whether they are in town or not, they may be willing to welcome you aboard as their personal guests.

Cash and Carry If you are a couple who enjoys spur of the moment decisions and spontaneity, take your wedding and honeymoon on a whim. Set aside the money for your time together, and, after the wedding (perhaps in a wedding chapel), just head off into the sunset. Maybe you are bikers. Maybe you love to drive. Maybe you love to walk. Let your honeymoon be a year-long love affair with dozens of short trips, weekend getaways, and low-cost excursions. If you already have the money, keep the cash on hand, earmarked for this purpose, and every time you feel the urge for wanderlust, just go. Spend what you have on hand and nothing more. Having your wedding and honeymoon in this manner will keep the fire burning for weeks.

Go Extreme Okay, so what if you are one of those people who craves an even more extreme or unique honeymoon? What if you want your wedding and honeymoon to be not only low-cost, but high-adventure? Try one of these options.

Chutes and Ladders You can find many low-cost honeymoon options by visiting caves (going spelunking, exploring, or fossil hunting). And there are


many high-adventure opportunities to be found in the trees, too— high ropes courses, wall climbing, bungee jumping. If you are into these types of extreme adventures, you will also find that, outside of some equipment (which you could rent), they are all relatively low-cost. Get married in a nearby park and then honeymoon in the woods.

SkyDiving You’ve probably read about couples who were married aboard an airplane and took their first steps as husband and wife at two thousand feet. It does happen. There are many enthusiasts out there who just live for the thrill of jumping into life. Skydiving isn’t all that expensive, and if you couple it with some learning and some low-cost fun, the jumping can be the centerpiece of a debt-free wedding.

Cattle Call Maybe you’ve seen the movie City Slickers? Or have you ever dreamed of driving a heard of cattle across the Great Divide? Well, you can’t do that anymore, but there are some fine western vacations to be had if that’s your idea of adventure. There are dozens of ranches that provide first-hand ranching experience and campfire amenities for a reasonable fare. You get it all—the adventure, the lodging, the food (even the chaps, if you think they’re sexy). Ride horses. Rope cows. Learn to tie knots. Lower-cost and fun—an unbeatable honeymoon combination on the western plains. Who knows, you might even learn something on the ranch that would change your


life or your marriage. Stranger things have happened. A ranch is one of those unique experiences that can press you to the limit and call forth some personal resources you didn’t know you had. Just be sure to bring plenty of sunblock!

The Couple Who Competes Together, Stays Together Are you and your fiancé long-distance runners? Were you attracted to each other because of some common sporting drive or competitive interest? Why not organize your wedding and honeymoon around a competition? Maybe you could run in a marathon together. Imagine the training! Or perhaps your interests will take you into the world of the triathlon, bungee jumping, waterskiing, or snowboarding. Use your interests to create a honeymoon where you have to help each other in your training. Who knows, you might even create a tradition on the honeymoon that will provoke you to continue training and learning together in the years ahead. A double benefit!

Winter Wonderland Perhaps it’s not so extreme, but have you ever considered holing up in the land of ice and snow? There are a multitude of lodges, spas, and northern destinations that would provide the perfect blend of romance and rest inside a warm room. Not much to do. Not much cost. Just pack your snowshoes, get in the front door, and kick back. Drink hot chocolate. Sit in the hot tub. Stay in the room. You know what to do.


Visiting a winter spa or lodge can be one of the lowest-cost weddings and honeymoons imaginable, and perhaps even the most rejuvenating.

Hike the Grand Canyon Some years ago my wife hiked the Grand Canyon (over three days) and it has always been her desire that I go with her someday to accomplish the feat as well. Hiking from the North to South Rims is arduous, but if you can get to the Canyon at little cost, the hiking itself doesn’t cost you much—just water, primarily, and trail mix. You might also purchase some hiking gear (if you don’t have it). An overnight stay at Phantom Ranch in the Canyon basin is recommended. You’ll sleep like babies, and it will be a honeymoon you’ll never forget. Naturally, the Canyon is not for everyone, and it is best to hike during the cooler months of May and October, but if you can hack it, what an adventure. Even if you’re not the hiking kind, you could also stay at one of the lodges on the rim and ride horses or mules. The cost is nominal but the beauty is unforgettable.

Honeymoon in Paradise Couples who are looking to travel and save money at the same time might consider getting married and honeymooning in paradise. That’s right. It may now be less expensive to travel to an exotic location rather than vacation in the United States. When the dollar is weak abroad, travelers should seek those destinations where the dollar is stronger. And there are many such destinations to watch for.


Consider, for example, some of the great deals you can find through hotels. Many of these exotic hotel hot spots feature total wedding or honeymoon packages that are great values—especially when you factor in the low-cost expenses related to room and board. Elegant Hotels (www.eleganthotels.com) features some great buys in Barbados and some of these deals feature free weddings with the purchase of a complete room package. Some of these packages also provide flowers, wine, breakfast, a candlelight dinner, and a complimentary room upgrade. If Barbados is a destination that you might consider for your honeymoon, see what Elegant Hotels has to offer. The Sheraton Hotel chain (www.starwoodtahiti.com) also has some fine bargains in some of the Polynesian cultures. Their Tahiti wedding/honeymoon package features an elaborate Royal wedding with musicians, clowns, flowers, and extras. Fine dining and beautiful ocean sunsets make this destination spectacular, but usually within reach for couples who have budgeted a bit more for their honeymoon. Occidental Hotels and Resorts (www.occidentalhotels.com) is another chain that offers wedding and honeymoon packages in such countries as Aruba, Antigua, Costa Rica, the Dominican Republic, and Mexico—among others. Some of these packages can be a bit pricey, but if you watch for the deals, there are some good ones to be found. Luxurylink.com also provides some great deals. These destinations and hotel chains provide just some of the many overseas destinations that honeymooners should consider.


During weaker economic times, many of these destination packages have to be highly competitive, and the pull for tourists is intense. In some instances, airfare may prove to be the most expensive part of the honeymoon budget, with the hotel stay and dining proving to be quite reasonable by American standards. You might be able to stay longer if you go overseas as well. So don’t shortchange your honeymoon if you can lengthen it.

Just Be We live in a culture and a time when we tend to measure our success by what we achieve and what we have, and our self-worth by who we know. Weddings and honeymoons tend to be that way, too. We’ve come to expect more of our events than we do of ourselves, and we can’t even keep up with our own expectations—let alone everyone else’s. But what might a wedding and honeymoon look like if a couple could just be themselves? What if they could just be? As you consider your honeymoon and what you want it to be, don’t get hung up on the high cost or the high drama. You don’t have to go far or spend enormous cash to have a honeymoon that will be meaningful and memorable. Furthermore, you may not want to have your big blowout vacation the first year of your wedding anyway. Save some room for other milestones along the way. You may want to take that dream vacation, not on the honeymoon, but on your tenth, twenty-fifth, or thirtieth wedding anniversary. Or maybe you want to surprise your spouse with a birthday vacation. As you move through life, you are likely to


have more money later, and so why put yourself in debt right out of the gate? Let your honeymoon be a debt-free experience, not a burdensome extravaganza. A debt-free wedding and honeymoon can be had for little money when a couple concentrates on each other—not the location, not the destination, not the amenities. I’m not trying to put any ideas into your head—but I’ll bet you can imagine a honeymoon that would be the perfect blend of love, romance, and relaxation. And you wouldn’t have to go broke to enjoy it. Just be!

Honeymoon Tidbits Once you have made your honeymoon plans and set your budget, start saving. For many couples, the honeymoon can be 30 to 40 percent of the total wedding-related costs. But keep in mind that this is the average. As you can see from the previously mentioned ideas, you don’t have to spend much to get a lot when it comes to some honeymoon destinations and concepts. But even the lowest-cost honeymoons will require some budget—whether it’s park entrance fees, gasoline, or some assorted equipment. You don’t want to begin your honeymoon unprepared financially. Toward that end, how about noting some of these great budgeting tips for honeymoon travelers. These tips will save you time and money: If you have frequent-flier miles, see if these can apply to your honeymoon destination. You can save big on the discount and may be able to get a ticket for free.


Look for the best monetary exchange rates. Banks usually offer a better rate than the hotel where you will be staying. Even if you can squeeze a few extra pennies on the dollar, your honeymoon dollars will go further. Some honeymoon packages include tips. Check on this to be sure you are not tipping double. If you can purchase a transportation pass at your destination instead of paying taxi fare, do it. Destinations like San Francisco have so much public transportation, it is like throwing money away if you don’t use the systems of cable cars, buses, and subway. Other cities have similar public transit that can save you quite a bit of money over a weeklong stay. Purchase a good travel guide for your destination. An up-todate guidebook is well worth the price and can save you a lot of money and heartache. A guidebook can steer you, also, to some of the best restaurants, hot spots, off-beat sights, and live music. A guidebook can also give you tips on affordable lodging, dining, and activities. Don’t call on the hotel phone. These rates are very high. If you can use your cell phone, do it. If you can get online and get your business done through email, that’s even less expensive. Don’t use room service. Bring food back to the hotel, or try to find a hotel that has a food court or restaurants nearby. Hotels with complimentary breakfasts are also a money-saving


option. Some of these breakfast bars may not be the tastiest options, but eating your first meal of the day in the lounge can save you a few dollars. And really, won’t you be sleeping in most mornings anyway? It’s your honeymoon! Ask the locals. Local people have a much keener sense of what is good and what is simply tourist fodder. Many locals love to steer vacationers and honeymooners to the best places. Pay cash and don’t depend on your credit cards. Use traveler’s checks if you want the added security. Nothing will put a damper on your honeymoon plans like racking up a huge Visa bill while you are away. Stick to your budget and make sure you discuss how you will spend your money on the honeymoon. Don’t gamble. A lot of honeymoon hot spots feature casinos or other betting allures that would love to take your money. You already know the reality—but the odds are that you will leave with no money. And, yes, there have been people on their honeymoon who have blown through their entire bankroll and couldn’t get home again. Don’t ship items back to your home. Buy only what you can safely stow in your luggage or in your carry-on. Shipping costs are expensive. And don’t think you have to buy gifts for the family while you are on your honeymoon. Steer clear of the desire to shop for others, and stay focused on each other.


Your honeymoon plans have been made and you’ve got your budget set. Now go out and do it! Believe me, you are going to have a fantastic honeymoon and your dreams are within reach. Don’t see your honeymoon as the finest trip you will ever take together. Try to see it as the first of many wonderful experiences you will share over the course of a long and happy marriage. Once you return home, debt-free, you’ll also be able to begin making new plans that will make the first year of your marriage so special.

C h a pt e r Tw e n ty-Sev en

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The Bottom Line

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By now you have learned that it is possible to have a beautiful wedding on any budget. Perhaps there are ideas that have grabbed your attention. Or perhaps you have discovered ways to get more for less. Or maybe you have discovered that you can have a debt-free wedding by following a plan that you have designed for yourself—step by step. Regardless, my hope is that your course toward a debt-free wedding is now charted and you are well on your way toward your own rendezvous with a beautiful wedding. It will also be important for the bride to realize some of the stark realities of wedding planning. As you can see, planning a wedding takes time. In fact, most brides soon realize that there are whole days, entire weekends, and maybe even fully dedicated weeks at a time that one could give to working out the details of a wedding. There doesn’t seem to be an end to the myriad of choices that a bride has at her disposal, and there are so many people who have opinions about how she should approach her wedding, reception, and honeymoon. As you plan, don’t allow these choices to overwhelm you and consume your life. You want to have a life—not have it taken from


you. So make the most of your time and stay focused on your wedding list. If you have completed your homework well, taken notes, and enlisted some of the ideas you’ve found here, then you should be able to keep a life while planning your wedding. Second, you know that weddings can be confusing. I have known many brides who have commented on the emotional difficulties of planning a wedding while trying to keep the relationship (their relationship) strong and vibrant. It is easy for a bride to give so much of herself to the wedding plans that she misses the deeper significance of the marriage. Remember: your wedding plans are intended to be a celebration of your love, not drain the depth and emotion out of your relationship! Finally, you can see that weddings cost money. Regardless of your income level or your budget, you are going to have costs. But that’s as it should be. After all, marriage should be costly. Marriage is what happens when two people learn to place another’s interests, needs, and desires above their own. A marriage is two becoming one. And that’s the real beauty of matrimony. So as you plan your beautiful wedding, be sure to spend time with the one you love. Work on your relationship, talk about things that matter, fall more deeply in love with each other as you move toward the special day. Let the plans you are making embolden you to trust each other more deeply and enrich your spirits with joy and encouragement. This growth together will make your wedding day all the more special and significant. There is an adage that I always try to share with every couple before they walk down the aisle. I want them to know that a wedding without a flaw is a wedding without memories.

The Bottom Line H 221

Don’t allow your pursuit of the perfect wedding to drive your relationship. Believe me, there will be many factors that will come into play on your wedding day. You’ll likely have to contend with the weather (too hot or too cold or too rainy), or you’ll have a bridesmaid or a groomsman who is late, or someone in the wedding party will inevitably forget where to walk or where to stand. You may have a limo driver who shows up late (due to heavy traffic) or your DJ’s collection of CDs was stolen only the night before. But don’t worry. Somehow, every wedding moves forward and two people end up getting married through all of the confusion and apprehension. So relax and enjoy the plans you have made, and have fun while you are making them. Often you will hear people make comments like: Enjoy your wedding day because it is all downhill from there. Your wedding day is the most important day of your life. Go for broke on your wedding since you won’t have money later. But all of these comments assume that you have no future plans. They inadvertently take a negative approach to life and assume that it is best to live in the moment and disregard plans for the future. Your wedding day is important, but the wedding is just the port from which you set sail. The destination is far off and the adventures in marriage are limitless. That is why you don’t want to overburden yourself with heavy debt from your wedding. You will want to be smart about the plans you make and how you make them.


I’ve known dozens of couples who have used the debt-free approach—and many more who have not. And in the end, the couples who set a budget and create a beautiful debt-free wedding have learned techniques and approaches that serve them well throughout their marriage. They get off to a better start in their life together. But then, it’s always easier to be married when you don’t have the burden of a financial albatross. I hope that you have learned much from this little book and have discovered some ideas that will save you time and money. Keep up the good work. You are on your way to a wonderful debtfree life.

C h a pt e r Tw e n ty-E i g ht

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Web Directory

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Throughout the book there have been various websites listed. Below you will find a comprehensive list of these sites listed by category for easy reference. I list the general wedding and planning websites at the top. The others are listed alphabetically by category.

General Sites/Wedding Warehouses www.theknot.com www.theweddingchannel.com www.costco.com www.samsclub.com www.hobbylobby.com www.michaels.com www.orientaltrading.com www.ebay.com

Announcements/Stationery www.myfuncards.com www.lcipaper.com www.weddingaccessories.com


www.einvite.com www.invitations4sale.com www.designerpaper.com www.elegantbridesinvitations.com www.artpaper.com www.southworth.com

Candles www.candlecomfortzone.com www.waxwizard.com www.genwax.com www.printedcandle.com

Containers www.containerstore.com

Disc Jockeys www.adja.org

Flowers www.obiesfloral.com www.freshpetals.com

Gifts/Favors www.beau-coup.com www.ehow.com www.orientaltrading.com www.wrapwithus.com

Web Directory H 225

Gowns www.makingmemories.org www.theknot.com www.weddingchannel.com

Hotels www.eleganthotels.com www.starwoodtahiti.com www.occidentalhotels.com www.luxurylink.com

Paper Products www.aboutfacecorp.com www.bjswholesale.com www.mysteryshoppersamerica.com www.mypartypal.com www.costco.com

Photography/Videography www.ppa.com www.wppionline.com

Place Cards www.myownlabels.com www.placecards.com


Quizzes (Premarital) www.marriage.about.com www.northwestmarriage.org www.prepare-enrich.com

Restaurants www.restaurant.com

Rings www.amazon.com www.bluenile.com www.diamondcutters.com www.ice.com www.moissonite.com www.weddingringhotline.com www.tradeshop.com

Site Rental www.usacitylink.com

Trips/Tours www.suntrips.com www.grayline.com

Veils www.veilshop.com www.wedding-veil.com

Web Directory H 227

www.romanticheadlines.com www.bridalveilcreations.com www.veilsalamode.com

Wedding Budgeting www.weddingtopics.blogspot.com (Debt-Free Wedding) www.costofwedding.com

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A bout the Author

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Todd Outcalt is a United Methodist pastor who has counseled hundreds of couples. He is the author of fifteen books, including Before You Say “I Do”: Important Questions for Couples to Ask Before Marriage, The Healing Touch, and The Best Things in Life Are Free. He has written for many bridal magazines and also writes Debt-Free Wedding, a money-saving blog for brides, at www.weddingtopics.blogspot.com. He lives in Brownsburg, Indiana, with his wife of twenty-five years and his two children. For his debt-free wedding workshops or for speaking engagements he may be reached at [email protected].

Photo: Eric Greulich

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$10. 99 9781402223648

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Your Beautiful Wedding on Any Budget

The Budget Wedding Sourcebook

The Budget Wedding Sourcebook

The Budget Wedding Sourcebook

Your Special Wedding Vows

Your Special Wedding Toasts

Inventing on a Shoestring Budget

On Any Given Sundae

On Any Given Sundae

Build Your Own Sports Car: On a Budget

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Celebrity Body on a Budget

The Everything Family Guide to Budget Travel: Hundreds of fun family vacations to fit any budget

Get More Money on Your Next Job... in Any Economy

How I Planned Your Wedding

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A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to Your Wedding

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Homeschooling the Child With Asperger Syndrome: Real Help for Parents Anywhere and on Any Budget

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