Unwritten Rules

First published by The Writer’s Coffee Shop, 2011 Copyright © M.A. Stacie, 2011 The right of M.A. Stacie to be identified and the author of this work has been asserted by her under the Copyright

Amendment (Moral Rights) Act 2000 This work is copyright. Apart from any use as permitted under the Copyright Act 1968, no part maybe reproduced, copied, scanned, stored in a retrieval system, recorded or transmitted, in any form or by any means, without the prior written permission of the publisher. This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either a product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual people living or dead, events or locales is entirely coincidental. The Writer’s Coffee Shop (Australia) PO Box 2013 Hornsby Westfield NSW 1635 (USA) PO Box 2116 Waxahachie TX 75168 Paperback ISBN - 978-1-61213-022-4

E-book ISBN - 978-1-61213-023-1 A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the US Congress Library. Cover image by: Sophieso Cover design by: Jennifer McGuire www.thewriterscoffeeshop.com/mstacie

M. A. Stacie has tried out a few different jobs, never quite finding the right fit. After her second son was born, she discovered writing. While then being a needed outlet, she now feels rather unproductive if she hasn’t written something each day. M. A. Stacie is a voracious reader, much to her husband’s annoyance, because books all are over the house. When she is not reading or writing, she enjoys knitting, listening to loud music and playing the Wii with her two sons. M. A. Stacie is a native of Manchester, U.K. and continues to live there with her husband and children.

For my three amazing men. Without your patience this would not have happened. For Maylin, my bottled positivity.

I saw him every day. I watched. I wondered. I saw him each morning when I returned from my run as he collected his mail from the metal slots in the foyer. My brain processed his actions and mannerisms without me even realizing it. I knew it would take numerous tries before he could get the key into the lock. His cheeks would tinge pink in embarrassment. He wouldn’t utter a word or make eye contact. Each day we stood almost shoulder to shoulder, occupying the same space, breathing the same air, but we remained strangers. I didn’t even know the color of his eyes. He intrigued me. He wouldn’t look my way; his hair

obscured my view of his face. The redness to the back of his neck was all that gave away his nervousness as he quickly collected his mail before disappearing back up to his apartment. I asked some of the people that lived in our apartment building, wondering if any of the other residents knew about him, but the information was limited. Mrs. Kindle, who lived in the apartment across from mine, told me he’d lived in this building longer than she had. She moved here just over two years, and in all that time she hadn’t heard him speak a single word. She was convinced he was mute. Two mornings ago I’d discovered that she was wrong. He had said, “Hi.” His voice had been the perfect pitch to get my heart pounding. It was a reaction I was thoroughly ashamed of. He’d spoken one word, and I’d acted like a teenager, blushing and stuttering. I hadn’t even managed to get two actual words out before he turned and fled back upstairs. Then yesterday, I was positive his lips had curled into a small smile when he saw me approach the wall full of metal

mailboxes. I retrieved my mail and turned to talk to him, but he’d already gone. His feet were just as silent as the rest of him. Though our interactions were odd, I looked forward to them, and Sundays became my least favorite day of the week. There was no mail. I shook my head free of my musings, panting from the exertion of the jog as I entered the building. I hunched over and rested my hands on my knees as I tried to catch my breath. My red curls flopped in front of my face, sticking to my sweat dampened skin. I’d woken up late and pounded through my run with alarming speed, all so I could get back here in time for my elusive neighbor’s daily appearance. I stood, trying to check myself out in the glass of the front door. From what I could see, I didn’t look as exhausted as I felt. There weren’t any wet patches on my tight top and shorts, but just to make sure I looked decent, I pulled the elastic tie from my hair and let it tumble around my shoulders. Nerves swirled low in my stomach as I realized just how creepy it would be for him to find me

waiting around the mailboxes. I opted to do some small stretches, hoping the breeze flowing through the front door would tone down the blush on my cheeks. All the while I waited. I paced the hallway, checking my watch on each return step. I was thankful there was no one else around to view my wanton foolishness. The fact that I had been waiting for fifteen minutes, just to check someone out while they collected their mail, would get me locked up. The police had a name for people who did that. On that thought, I felt it. It started out as a small tingle across my skin, as if my hairs were all standing at attention upon his arrival. My heart thundered in my chest, and my palms began to sweat as I reached out to open my mailbox. He came to stand beside me, heat radiating off his skin. The tang of his cologne filled my nostrils, making me light-headed. I had to resist the urge to inhale deeply; to rest my head on his shoulder and revel in the scent at the crook of his neck.

Oh God, help me!

My hand shook as I flicked through the envelopes in an attempt to prolong my time with him. I was pathetic; this was pathetic. Words failed me. My inability to speak to him threw me off kilter. I’d never struggled to speak to anyone like I struggled with him. I turned toward him, taking in his profile. He hadn’t shaved, so his chiseled jaw was rough with stubble. His shaggy, dark-brown hair was wet as if he had just showered. I noticed a hole in the lobe of his ear; a piercing with no jewelry. This didn’t surprise me, because a few weeks ago he was wearing a sleeveless T-shirt. I found myself salivating at the two inked stars he had flashed on each collarbone. I swallowed, my body responding to his closeness, as he startled me by clearing his throat. I froze. Would today be the day he finally introduced himself to me? It wasn’t as if I didn’t know his name. During one of my chats with Mrs. Kindle, she had kindly let it slip that his name was Jonah Quinn. How she knew anything about him was a mystery, being he never talked to anyone.

Jonah Quinn.

I smiled as I repeated his name in my head and had the stupidest of smiles on my face as he turned his head. I would have been thoroughly embarrassed when he turned to stare at me, had I not been transfixed on his eyes. Blue. They were blue. The eyes that I had only imagined were the clearest azure I’d ever seen and, before I could stop it, a sigh escaped my lips. Mortification flooded my system as his eyes went wide in shock. In an instant, his back was to me as he ascended the stairs. Kicking myself, I tried to think of something to say. I wanted to stop him. “I’m Elle, by the way,” I finally blurted out before he disappeared. My heart stopped, and I hung my head in shame. “I know.” I froze, holding my breath. I wasn’t even sure he’d spoken, but I hoped he would continue. After five minutes of waiting, he had still not returned. I was panting and completely mortified by my actions. I wasn’t a child. I’d

propositioned my fair share of men in the past. So why the hell couldn’t I talk to Jonah without stuttering or blushing? I stomped my feet on the floor, berating myself as I stalked upstairs. I couldn’t even bring myself to look Mrs. Kindle in the eyes when I saw her standing outside her apartment. She was holding a bag of kitty treats and waving them at me. I thought about opening the front door and pretending I hadn’t seen her. I just could not been that cruel. “I bought these for Meow, honey.” I plastered a fake smile on my face, graciously accepting them. She meant well and had a fondness for my black cat. She often bought him fresh fish from the market, not the cheaper cuts either. I’m not sure if she had family in the area as I never saw anyone come by, so whenever she stopped me in the hallway I made sure to give her some of my time. “Meow will love them, but you’re spoiling him. He’s going to get fat.” “Nonsense,” she said, brushing the comment off

with a flick of her hand. “It’s not like I have anyone else to treat.” She looked down at her floral dress, smoothing the fabric for want of something else to do. Hurt laced her words, and the ever present sympathy I felt for her began to surface. I reached out and patted her shoulder. “Well, Mrs. Kindle, I know Meow will adore them. Thank you.” I pushed at the door, waving goodbye and strode into my apartment. I tossed my keys on the small glass table next to the door, and pulled off the armband that held my iPod. It clunked on the glass top and right away Meow started to make himself known. He prowled across the wood floor, his tail twitching in greeting, as he purred loudly. “Hello, Puss,” I crooned, picking him up by scooping him up underneath his fat belly. He nuzzled my neck, calming me in his own little way, as I walked across to my PC and turned it on. I needed to shower and get to work. I had two clients waiting on beta versions of the sites they were paying me to

design, though I wasn’t sure how I’d concentrate after my altercation with Jonah. My body still hummed with an ache I hadn’t felt in a long time. I dropped Meow on the floor, and picked up my cell, dialing my mom’s number. After moving to New York from Cape Cod fourteen months ago, I still hadn’t gotten used to not seeing her every day. I missed her terribly but knew I needed to carve my own path. Our morning phone calls brought me solace. “Morning, baby,” my Mom’s gentle voice floated through the line. I smiled, feeling better at the sound of her voice. I couldn’t talk to her about Jonah, I had my best friend J.J. for that. J.J. would never pass up a good gossip session. She was a makeup artist and spent most of her day chatting with models about their love lives. Talking to my mom about something so new wasn’t an option for me, though a conversation about what she would buy from the store today would do just fine. “Hey, Momma. How’s your morning?”

She proceeded to tell me about what the paperboy had done, how Mr. Lomas had purchased a new horse, and that the local store had employed a new cashier who did nothing but chat. I could imagine her sitting in her floral armchair, gazing out onto the beach as the sea breeze ruffled her curly hair. A wave of homesickness knocked the air from my lungs, causing me to gasp. Thankfully, my mom didn’t notice. She was still going on about the happenings in our small town. I closed my eyes, letting her cadence ease my longing, but something else distracted me from my thoughts. Music had begun to play upstairs, floating down from Jonah’s apartment and into mine. He didn’t tend to play his guitar in the morning; it was normally his piano. I was somewhat ashamed that I knew so much about him. J.J. had reasoned I was just being observant. I knew better. I wanted to know more now that he admitted he knew my name. My mom talked away while I allowed the muffled chords of Jonah’s guitar float around me. Even with the ceiling between us I felt connected to him. It was as if he played just for me; my own personal concert and I lapped it up. He was very talented. I would’ve liked to have seen him play-- to stand in front of him and watch his fingers, as they

plucked at the strings. Just thinking of the possibility made me shiver, and though I’d never been one to be attracted to musicians in the past, I understood the allure. “Elle, did you hear me? Are you still there?” “Sorry, Mom, guess I’m more exhausted after my run than I thought. Can I call you back after I take a shower?” “Well, it would be better if I call you later. I need to go to the store. I hope I don’t get little Miss Chatterbox. You go and rest, baby. I love you.” “Love you too, Mom.” I ended the call and closed my eyes, letting Jonah’s soft music envelope me. It sounded as if he was sad; the notes haunting as they floated through the floor of his apartment into mine. He didn’t know it, but most mornings I would take a moment and drink my coffee as he played a private concert on his piano for me. I could sense his moods by the style of music he played, more so when he was playing the piano. I wondered if he even knew I listened, let alone sensed his sadness. Would he stop

playing if he found out? I’d briefly entertained the idea that he must be a musician, but he rarely left his apartment. What kind of musician didn’t play to an audience? I shook my head, deciding I couldn’t spend all morning thinking of the gorgeous guy upstairs, and started for the bathroom. I was far too consumed with thoughts of Jonah Quinn. I needed a distraction. I needed to get laid. Jonah and getting laid? Today was going to be a long day. I stripped off my clothes and stepped under the cool spray, accepting that my lack of sexual release had to be the reason for my fixation on my neighbor. The moment the water began to sluice down my breasts all I could think of was Jonah’s hands doing the same. They’d be rougher than the water, calloused from his playing, but they would float across the swell of my breasts with as much grace. I tipped my head back, wetting my hair, as I wondered how his lips would feel on the hollow of my throat. Would he nibble when he kissed? Would he lick the droplets of water from my flesh, or would he be too busy devouring my mouth? My breath hitched as more and more pictures of

Jonah dominating me in the shower raced into my consciousness. My temperature rose. I made the water cooler in hopes it would snap me back to the present. However, each time I closed my eyes I saw his blues ones, and my abdomen clenched in arousal. My reaction to him was intense in the extreme. Never once, in my thirty years, had I ever had such need burning through me. Each time I saw him it seemed to escalate. He’d shown no signs of returning the attraction. ’It was a one-sided crush like those I’d had on TV or movie stars when I was younger, the kind that are better with distance. Jonah may turn out to be a disappointment in reality. I scrubbed my skin with vigor, trying to cleanse all traces of my daydreams, but it didn’t work. I was still hot, and my skin still tingled for his touch. It was a masochistic addiction, because I couldn’t see myself ever getting a fix. He was just too shy. I could be my usual forward self, but that would just scare him away. I knew I should just draw a line under it and forget him. I snorted, knowing I was only fooling myself if I thought that was going to happen. There was something about Jonah that intrigued me; an invisible pull to know him. J.J. told me once to knock on his door and

introduce myself, and honestly, with anyone else I would have, yet I couldn’t do it with him. It frustrated me. I tried to ignore it as I dressed and strolled back to my PC. I had work to do, and obsessing about my infatuation wouldn’t help me meet my deadline. So, in the interest of keeping a roof over my head, I put my glasses on and focused. My job was made that bit easier when Jonah stopped playing. When Jonah stopped playing, I missed it immediately. I groaned to myself as I realized I’d only managed to go two minutes without thinking about my blueeyed neighbor. My crush was reaching epic proportions, and I was pretty sure there was only one cure. Sex with Jonah.

I tossed my cell with force onto my desk and growled. A disgruntled customer was something I could do without today. I’d barely slept last night, and not because of anything interesting. Since the incident in the hallway, my thoughts had been consumed with Jonah. It was ridiculous. I had a job to do, but I couldn’t clear his image from my head. I had tried calling my mom, knowing she’d help me to forget. It turned out I interrupted her weekly book club. I promised it was nothing important and that I would call her back later. I’d then sent a text to J.J., hoping she was working. If she was busy putting makeup on models then she couldn’t laugh at me for being so childish. I picked up my coffee and stared out of the window. I needed a night out. I needed hot sex with a guy I’d never see again.

What I needed was a sexorcism. It had worked when Nathan and I split up. I was certain it would work now. I giggled, I hadn’t even come close to kissing Jonah, and yet, I was comparing him to Nathan. I sipped the hot brew wondering where I could drag J.J. to tonight, and more importantly, what I could wear that would get me noticed. It had never been an issue before because my red hair was like a beacon. After a guy noticed that, all it took was some tight clothing and he was hooked; mine for the night. I wanted that tonight. I craved the release. My fingers began moving across my keyboard, clicking onto clothing websites to get some ideas. I was browsing tight black dresses when I realized I was humming. Jonah was playing his guitar again. My body went into overdrive, every sense focusing on where Jonah was in his apartment and what he was

playing. I was no longer interested in the clothes or going out to cleanse my mind and ease my libido. At least not with a random guy, because it was too late for that. I was a goner, hooked on Jonah Quinn. I cradled the mug in my hands, closing my eyes and letting his haunting music surround me. I was becoming addicted to the soothing sounds. I no longer turned on my iPod; I didn’t need to. Jonah continued to play his concerts for me, only he didn’t know it. The melody would encompass me and take me along on whatever journey Jonah chose. I was getting used to certain songs and would hum along with his strumming. I’d even hummed one to J.J., hoping it was a song I could download onto my iPod, but she just laughed. She’d insisted the song I’d relayed to her was from a cartoon, continuing to giggle until I couldn’t stand it anymore. I hung up on her, ending her hysterics. I started browsing the web, but that was futile. I didn’t have any idea what I was looking for. My interest in him had only gotten worse after he’d admitted he knew my name. He piqued my curiosity further. To make matters worse, he’d not been at the mailboxes for

the last three mornings. I hated the disappointment I felt when I noticed his mailbox was already empty; he was avoiding me. I didn’t think I’d been that obvious, had I? I stood, pushing my chair away with the back of my knees and padded across to the open window. Sitting at the window allowed me the chance to hear his music clearer as it floated down with the light breeze. I watched the people bustling around on the street below me but only paid attention to Jonah. A couple walked past, smiling as they stared into each other’s eyes. It was the first time in a long time that I felt a pang of jealousy. I hadn’t been in any sort of relationship for two years, and in truth, I wasn’t looking for one now, though I missed the closeness. My favorite times with Nathan had been in the morning – that moment when I woke before he did. I’d watch him sleeping, stroked his blond curls from his brow and slowly kissed him awake. I smiled at the memory. We had managed twenty-one months together before we began to drift apart. I often wondered if we’d have had more longevity if we had just remained friends, instead of trying to be more. I supposed that was academic now. I had loved him, loved the time we’d spent as a couple, but I missed him as a friend. I shook my head, dislodging thoughts of Nathan

and went back to my appreciation of Jonah’s skilled fingers. I could picture him plucking at the strings as he breathed the music. I sighed, making sure to keep each part of my body within the window frame, but I wanted to see him. I wanted to know what he looked like when he played. My heart began to race in reaction to the thoughts dancing through my head. I tapped my mug, the silver rings I wore on three fingers chinking against the ceramic, and tried to talk myself out of climbing up the fire escape to his apartment. It wasn’t working though. I was at war with myself, having a full blown conversation in my head over whether or not Jonah would know I was there. If I was quiet enough, he’d be none the wiser. It was too tempting. I swallowed my anxiety, placing my mug down and moving one leg outside of the window. I straddled the wooden frame, ignoring the voice that was screaming for me to stop. My breathing was shallow as I turned my torso and stood out on the fire escape. The breeze ruffled my skirt, and I shivered a little. Whether it was from the nervous exhilaration or the coolness of the wind, I wasn’t sure. Regardless, it was making the hair on my arms stand on end. I looked up the rusty ladder toward his apartment

and tried again to talk myself out of climbing up the rungs. It was hopeless. I was like a moth drawn to a flame. With each strum of his guitar, I took a careful step up to his window. My knuckles were white from gripping so tightly, and some of the rust flakes were piercing my palm. I ignored them, knowing I only had two more steps before I would be able to see him. I took a deep breath and peeked over the window ledge, almost falling off the metal steps at the sight before me. Jonah had his back to me. He was wearing nothing but loose dark wash jeans. I gulped and drank him in. He was beautiful. His shoulders wide and toned, sweeping down to a muscled back and small waist. His skin was a smooth honey color, and my palms itched to touch him. I licked my lips as my eyes fixed on his ass. My skin began to prickle in awareness. I wanted him. I watched, holding my breath, as he swayed gently from one bare foot to the other. I could see the stars on his shoulders weren’t the only ink adorning his body. There was something large decorating his right side, and I squinted,

trying to see what it was. He turned slightly obscuring my view, making me duck down and hide. The music didn’t falter, telling me he had no idea I was here. I blushed furiously at my childishness. It didn’t stop me from wanting more though. Jonah Quinn was addictive. I was like a kid with a bowlful of candy, wanting to gorge on it all. I peeked back over the window ledge, only to be disappointed when I saw he’d moved further from the window and stopped playing. I moaned as he pulled the guitar strap over his head, his muscles taut on his torso. Jonah’s eyes snapped in my direction, just as Meow jumped up. I froze, praying for someone to make me invisible. This could be mortifying. “Hello, kitty-cat,” Jonah murmured. I listened to his bare feet as they padded closer to the window. I took a step down the ladder, willing myself to be quiet. I should never have done this. It was wrong, yet I hadn’t been able to stop myself. I was acting like a stalker. Meow began to purr in approval as jealousy

swirled in my gut. How the hell could I be envious of a cat? “Are you hungry again?” He continued.

Again? I bit back a hiss. It appeared Meow had been to see him before. My cat had made friends with my neighbor, when all I could ever get out of him was ‘Hi’ or ‘I know’. Meow was the one getting to nuzzle his neck and inhale his manly scent. Oh my God, Elle, you’re losing it! Angry at myself, along with my cat, I descended the steps, making sure to keep quiet. I really didn’t need to alert Jonah to my stalker tendencies now. I climbed back through my window into my own apartment and paced the floor. I had the perfect opportunity to go and talk to him right now. All I needed to do was go and ask him if he’d seen my cat. That wasn’t so difficult, was it? In an attempt to talk myself out of it, I reminded myself that there was a reason he was avoiding me. I’d probably only make matters worse by turning up at his front door. I ran my fingers through my curly hair impatiently. J.J. would be rolling around laughing at me now if she could

see me. She was certain I was stir crazy and needed a job outside of my apartment. Maybe in some respects she was right, because he was all too engrossing. I walked toward the long mirror near the door, still debating whether or not to go and retrieve my cat. My reflection showed me what I already knew: I was tired. I pulled a tube of concealer from my small makeup pouch in an effort to erase the signs of fatigue. A quick sweep of gloss on my lips and a couple of clips in my hair made me look infinitely better. I had my keys in hand and was closing the front door before I’d even accepted what I was about to do. When Mrs. Kindle didn’t surprise me with a gift for Meow, I breathed a sigh of relief and scuttled toward the elevator. I jangled my keys in my hand nervously as I counted the seconds until it arrived. I needed to do this fast, before I acknowledged just how childish I was being. I began chanting as I stepped into the steel cube.

You’re not really doing this. You’re not really doing this. You’re not really doing this.

Only I was, and no amount of denial was going to alter that. I exited the elevator and walked with purpose toward his front door. I checked my appearance in the brass plaque that showed the number to his apartment, and hesitating before I pressed the bell. I was positive my heart stopped beating from the instant my finger left the button. I listened. When it seemed like no one was going to open the door, I turned to leave. “Elle?” I swooned at the sound of my name on his lips, and I ached for him to say it again. I cleared my throat and turned.

Holy hell! He was still in the jeans, and hadn’t covered his torso. My eyes shot straight towards his crotch, and I had to bite my tongue to stop another moan escaping when I saw the way those jeans hung off his hip bones. “Elle? Are you okay?” He questioned, his tone low and soft.

“Hmm...I...S-sorry,” I stuttered, working my gaze back up toward his face. I wanted to study the black designs that marked his body, but forced myself to stop staring and meet his gaze instead. He raised his brows, an action that told me he didn’t want to repeat himself. The proverbial ball was in my court then. I took a deep breath, toying with my keys again, before blurting out, “Do you have my pussy? Oh God, cat! Do you have my cat?” Jonah’s cheeks turned pink, as he brought his thumb up to his mouth, placing the tip between his teeth. He was trying not to laugh, which only made my embarrassment worse. “Is it black?” “My cat?” I asked inanely. Jonah nodded, still holding back a small smirk. I

felt so dumb. I’d never had this kind of reaction to a man, not even Nathan. “Yes, he’s b-black.” He stepped aside, ushering me into his apartment and pointed over to the large sketching station. Meow was perched on top of it, purring and licking his paw. He glared, his beady eyes fixed on me as if annoyed by my interruption, before going back to his beautification. He seemed to be sitting on top of something that Jonah had been working on. There were various pencils scattered across the top, and what looked like scribbles on a large sheet of paper. “Is that yours?” He was a man of few words as he shuffled his feet, struggling to speak. I nodded and walked over to Meow, picking him up by his rounded belly. I cradled him like a baby and began mumbling to him. “Sorry he disturbed you, and walked all over your...um...drawings.”

“It’s okay, they need to be tossed. They’re garbage. He’s good company – stays quiet while I work,” he muttered, toeing the floor. He was adorable. I nodded, wondering if I should try to further the conversation. He seemed uncomfortable with my presence in his space though, so I stepped over to the door. “Does it have a name?” He asked from behind me. “You already know my name.” “The cat.” “Oh!” I gasped. “Meow. He’s called Meow.” He chuckled. He actually chuckled. Feeling pleased with myself, I did an internal happy dance. “That’s original,” he smiled, sarcasm lacing his

words. I was startled by his change, because it was out of character from our previous interactions. Taken aback, I stumbled for a quick response. “My Ex named him. Though it suits him, a lot.” I stepped out of the door, turning back to face him. His blue eyes were glinting with humor, and I noticed two small dimples on either side of his mouth. They made my toes curl in delight. “It does. I find his noises rather soothing.” Jonah took hold of Meow’s paw, moving so close I could feel the heat rolling off him. I inhaled his scent, as he shook the cat’s paw. “Good to see you, Meow.” I giggled. It was reminiscent of a schoolgirl passing her crush in the hallway. I said goodbye and scurried over to the elevator. I couldn’t look back. I knew he hadn’t walked inside, because I hadn’t heard the door close. I watched the arrow flash, showing me the elevator

was almost here. I should have taken the stairs. I wasn’t thinking straight. Jonah scrambled my brain. The doors opened and I stepped inside, but before they closed I heard him speak. “It was nice talking to you, Elle.” I let out a huge breath I didn’t know I was holding and sagged against the wall. The door slid closed, as Meow mewled his goodbye. I stroked his head, wanting to chastise him for going there in the first place. I slid down the wall, sitting in the corner as the elevator stopped on my floor. My obsession for Jonah had reached epic proportions. I was sneaking up fire escapes and making verbal passes at him. I was going to have to move. I’d been wrong before, sex wouldn’t cure it. It would only make it worse, so moving was the only way out of this.

It had taken me a full twenty-four hours to convince myself that moving to another apartment building was not a feasible answer. It was rather drastic, and I had never been one for dramatics. I left that characteristic to my friend, J.J. My reaction to Jonah continued to confuse me, because I was the sort of woman that went for what she wanted. However, I couldn’t do that with him and had no real explanation why. I’d considered going back up to his apartment and apologizing, however I was far too embarrassed. I knew I couldn’t look him in the eyes again without turning a bright shade of red. I was no better than a teenager. As my feet pounded on the sidewalk, I wondered what he thought of me and our interaction. The bass of the dance music flooded my ears, setting my pace. I was

feeling punchy today and needed to run it off. There was no reason for me to feel so hyperactive, because I was not expecting Jonah to be at the mailboxes when I got back. If he had any sense at all, he would avoid me after my blushing little girl routine. He was a shy person, and my asking random questions and making innuendos was cringe worthy. I rounded the corner onto Amsterdam Avenue, trying to shed the shame I felt and focus on the music playing into my ears. The entrance to my building was just around the next corner, and my chest had begun to heave from the exertion. The street was starting to get busier, with people walking to work. I had to weave through them, dodging outstretched coffee cups and paper bags containing breakfast. This amount of people still made me edgy; I simply wasn’t used to it. I slowed my pace as I turned onto West 70th Street. I counted the steps to my apartment and stopping outside my building. I leaned over, resting my hands on my knees and tried to regulate my breathing. As my hair flopped into my eyes, I heard someone mutter about me being in their way. The one thing I hated about living in the city: people could be so rude. My mom would tell me to haul my

ass back home, and be with nice, hospitable people. She never liked my decision to move to New York, and yet she understood my need for space and independence. I had scoured the classifieds for months, trying to locate the perfect apartment. I’d ended up here, the Upper West Side of the city in a small but comfortable one bedroom apartment. It was close to Central Park, and the building held the kind of character I had been searching for. Though I missed living by the sea, the move here had been needed for my business as well as my personal growth. I stood up straight and tried to smooth my hair, when I was shoved into the wall by a passerby. I grunted as my elbow scraped the brick. Stinging pain began to shoot up my arm, making me blink, as I had to reach out to steady myself. I squealed when a man clamped his hands around my biceps and held me against the wall of my building. His breath smelled stale. I grimaced, trying to take in details of his appearance while fighting him off, but all I digested was dirty, dark brown hair. Fear ran down my spine with lightning quick speed. My blood ran cold in my veins, leaving me gasping and trying to speak. He pushed me again, this time with such force that my head snapped back, my ears ringing and my vision blurring. In my head I was yelling for help, though I couldn’t make a sound. I was frozen –immobile from the horror of

what was happening to me. I looked around frantically for someone, anyone to help, but the street was now deserted. The panic made me numb; the fear left me rigid. When my attacker thrust his fingers into the elastic armband which held my iPod in place, it took me a few moments to react. I pulled my arm back, whimpering when I found my voice, and the floodgates opened. “Help!” I screamed, fighting with everything I had in me. The man fought hard, determined not to let go of my arm. My skin was pinched between his fingers, and the pain made my eyes fill with tears. I couldn’t see what was happening, though I wasn’t going to give up. I kicked out with my feet and tried desperately to bring my arm back to my side. “Please, help!” He was strong and pinned my shoulder to the bricks with his huge hand. My throat began to close as the reality of the situation sank in. He was going to hurt me, and no one was trying to stop him. Why me? And why now? Only five minutes ago the street had a smattering of people; people who could have helped me. Now I was alone. I

winced when he raised his hand, his fist coming down on me in slow motion.

Oh my God! I waited for the first painful contact. But it never arrived. There was a scuffling, followed by a bellow of rage. My heart was thundering against my chest as I cracked an eye open. The man was no longer near me, in fact no one was. I exhaled with relief and stared around in confusion. I rubbed my arm where my attacker had gripped it, wincing in pain, as I tried to work out what had happened. The whole incident had been so quick – so furious, that I couldn’t seem to piece everything together. “Are you okay?” That voice...Jonah. I whirled around to see his anxious expression. His chest was heaving as if he’d been running too.

“I..um...uh...” “Did he get anything?” He questioned further. “Did he hurt you?” Jonah’s tone was dominant, his expression fierce. It was a complete contrast to his usual demeanor. “You saw him?” “I ran after him. I tried, but I lost him. I’m sorry.” I cringed as he reached for me, backing up a step, my body trembling in shock. I stared at him, completely bewildered by what had just happened. “Elle, let me help you upstairs. We need to call the police.” At the sound of his soothing voice, my heart gave a double beat then slowed. The ringing in my ears quieted as the nausea began to disperse. He held his hand out to

me, waiting until I took it. A few people now began to walk past. A couple whispered to each other, looking straight at me. I felt like a car crash. Jonah nodded in their direction, and they immediately hushed. The mumbling resumed as they walked further down the road. I took a step closer to Jonah, my legs trembling. I was too upset to be amazed when his arm came around my shoulders. The connection with his body made my arm tingle, and I snuggled closer to his warmth. “We’ll take the elevator; you’re still trembling,” he breathed into my ear. I shivered, both in fear and at the intimacy. We’d only said a few words to each other, and here he was, being my knight in shining armor. He was treating me like a china doll, making me feel fragile. Jonah was just what I needed right now. I stayed in his embrace as we rode the elevator to my apartment. He continued to stroke my arm and give me gentle squeezes of comfort. I should have been concerned by his proximity, because I was sweaty after my run, but I was not bothered enough to care. I was taking every ounce

of solace he had to offer, as well as any warmth because the chill was now bone deep. My brain wasn’t functioning right; I was still back on the street with the guy pulling aggressively at my arm. My damn iPod wasn’t even the issue – he could have had it, and on reflection, I realized I should have just given it to him. It just had seemed like he wanted more at the time, and it had frightened me. I whimpered, my body shuddering as we walked toward my front door. “We’ll get you settled inside, and then I’ll call the cops.” He bent down, his eyes connecting with mine. They held sadness but also a warmth that calmed me. I nodded as he held his hand out for the key. I had to move away from him to retrieve it, instantly feeling the loss of his soothing heat. He pushed the door open and placed his hand on the small of my back, escorting me in. To his credit he waited at the entrance, not wanting to step inside without being asked. I smiled at him and cocked my

head. I didn’t think my voice was strong enough to actually verbalize anything. Jonah stepped into the room. It was clear he was uncomfortable from the way he shuffled around. His sharp, blue gaze took in everything in one sweep. He frowned when it rested on my makeshift office in the corner. “Two screens?” I took a seat on the small bench near the window, wrapping my arms around my midsection. “I’m a web designer. It makes things a little easier sometimes. You should see me when I have my laptop on there too.” He nodded, coming closer and kneeling before me. He touched my arm just above the iPod pocket, grimacing. I turned, noting the rawness of my skin, before Jonah took hold of the lycra band and met my eyes. His words were gentle; his gaze intense. “I’m going to remove this. Your arm looks sore, so it might burn a bit.”

I nodded, bracing myself as he gently slid the armband down. He placed it on the floor next to his feet and touched the reddened flesh on my bicep. I bit my lip to stop from yelping. “There doesn’t seem to be any lacerations. It’s going to turn into one bitch of a bruise.” “Thank you,” I wheezed out. “Don’t thank me. I wasn’t exactly going to leave you, was I? I just wish I could have caught the bastard!” When I looked down, he muttered an apology. It made me snicker. He was apologizing for cussing in front of me. I was certain no one had done that before. “Where’s your phone?” He stood up and began to look around the room. It was the first time I had been able to see his clothes. He was in plaid pajama bottoms and a simple white T-shirt. He must have been collecting his mail and heard the

commotion outside. “You don’t need to do that,” I whispered. “Huh?” he asked, but comprehension dawned and seconds later I could see he understood what I was referring to. “Elle, you have to report this.” “He didn’t steal anything, and I’m just a bit sore. He didn’t do any damage, Jonah.” His eyes widened. I realized it was the first time I had said his name out loud. I adored the sound of my name on his lips and wondered what he felt hearing his own name from mine. I watched his chest rise then fall deeply when he expelled a large gust of air. “What if he tries again? Maybe this time the woman won’t be as strong as you.” I guessed that was a back handed compliment and stopped a smirk from forming across my lips. “I have nothing to tell them. It all happened so fast.

I bet you don’t have a description, do you?” He mussed his hair and shot me the cutest pout I’d ever seen. My chest clenched. “I guess not. But you still need to call them.” I remained silent, studying him as he shuffled uncomfortably around the room. I was tried to concentrate on breathing in and out as he continued to distract me. He filled the space with his presence, my body sensing him no matter where he was in the room. He entranced me with his slow, steady steps around my furniture. I grimaced when he handed me the telephone and eventually buckled, calling the police. Jonah waited with me until they arrived. He continued to pace around the room, averting his eyes from mine, but blushing each time they met. When the cops arrived, Jonah sat on the armchair facing me, prompting me when he thought I was struggling. He then offered up his version of events to the officers. I kept my tears at bay, desperate not to seem too weak to him. It took every ounce of strength I had not to lose it once the police left my apartment.

“Should I get you a drink?” Jonah asked. “No, it’s fine. I want a shower. I feel really gross,” I replied with a sigh. He looked me in the eyes; his jaw rigid. “Can I do anything for you? You look like you’re going to pass out, Elle.” I stood and walked toward him on wobbly legs but tried to put on a facade. “You’ve already done so much.” I braced myself and rose up on my tiptoes, kissing his cheek. “Thank you, Jonah.” I gasped in surprise, when he wrapped his arms around my waist, bringing me back into his embrace. On a whim I placed my arms around his neck and hugged him close. My body sprang to life.

It was as if a charge of electricity surged through my body. Every cell demanded more – demanded Jonah. I wanted to stay here with him surrounding me, making me feel so much better. For one moment in time, I forgot what had happened in the street below. All too soon it was over, and he was pulling away. He’d become self-conscious, trying to get to the door as fast as he could. He opened and closed his mouth a few times, as if he wanted to say something but didn’t know how. I thanked him again, and eventually he relented. “Can I check on you later?” I exhaled, liking his concern. “I’m good. I promise.” He turned the handle on the door, adding before he left, “I’m sorry that this happened to you, Elle.” The door clicked closed, I crumbled.

I collapsed onto the floor and sobbed, rubbing my arm where my attacker had tried to wrench the iPod from me. I’d never felt so violated. Meow prowled across the floor, coming to rest on my lap and sniffing up at my tear stained face. He purred loudly, trying to comfort me in his own noisy way. It only made me weep more.

I’d spent the rest of the day in bed, crying and hoping to fall into an exhausted sleep. It never arrived. I tossed and turned, trying everything I could. The mixed up images continued to swirl in my head. The whole assault was one big blur. The only thing that made any sense was Jonah. He’d rescued me.

I turned onto my back and stared up at the ceiling. He’d knocked on the door earlier, wanting to make sure I was doing all right. I couldn’t answer it; I’d still been crying and didn’t want him to know how bad off I really was. I now felt worse for ignoring him. I’d heard him playing his piano shortly afterward. The tune was sad and haunting. The attack seemed to have affected us both. I closed my eyes, hoping his melody would soothe me to sleep, and though it had for a while, I was no longer tired. I contemplated calling J.J. and picked up my cell. It went straight to voicemail. She was obviously asleep or busy with Elijah, her latest boy-toy. “Hey,” I said timidly. “It’s me. I just wanted to talk. Something happened and I just needed a friend. Can you call me when you get this message? Thanks.” I wasn’t sure how long it would be until J.J. returned my call, but I hoped the sound of my voice would alert her to the urgency of it. I wanted to talk to someone, yet I didn’t want to call my mom. It would only add to her anxiety about me living here. It wouldn’t be fair to burden her in such a way, because she couldn’t come to comfort me. I had considered going back home, but leaving would feel like defeat on my behalf, and I didn’t come here to give up at the first hurdle.

Grunting in annoyance, I shoved the comforter off me and climbed out of bed. I retrieved my oversized sweater from the back of the small chair I kept near my vanity and walked into the living area. It was eerily quiet with only the low hum of the computer disturbing the silence. I wrapped my sweater tighter around my body and padded across the floor. My iPod lay discarded on the floor, still in the armband; I hadn’t moved it from where Jonah had placed it. I could barely even look at it. I was hurting. I had just wanted to be alone to lick my wounds. I shivered at the memory of it. Though I wanted to talk to someone, the only person who seemed to be awake and available was living above me. I wasn’t sure he’d want me knocking on his door so late at night. In fact, I didn’t know if he’d want me at his door at all. I just didn’t want to be here. Alone. Meow strolled out of the bedroom and glared at me. He mewled wanting to be picked up, and without question I did as I was asked. I stroked his head, feeling his purrs vibrate across his belly. He was a comfort. I wanted more. I needed human interaction right now. I swallowed my

anxiety I collected my keys and cell. Keeping hold of Meow, I walked from my apartment and locked the door. The corridor was dark and horribly quiet, so I scuttled to the elevator as fast as I could. I didn’t want to walk up those stairs alone, and reasoned the elevator was safer. Meow pawed my chest, trying to get comfy in my arms, but he only managed to claw at the skin beneath my sweater. I hissed, adjusting him as the metal doors closed, and tried to get him to retract his claws, all the while attempting to talk myself out of this insane plan. It was futile. I knew I was going to see him; I needed to hear his voice. I realized, as I exited the elevator and walked up to his door, that I had no idea what I looked like. I’d been rolling around in bed and must look utterly disheveled. I supposed now was not the time to worry about vanity. Pushing my nerves down, I knocked on the door and held my breath when the piano stopped. When Meow hissed, I noticed how tight I was clutching him and loosened my hold just as Jonah opened the door. He looked confused, rubbing at his naked chest, frowning. “Hey,” he said on an exhale.

His voice was rough but smoothed my raw edges, and before I had a chance to stop myself I said, “I don’t want to be alone, Jonah.” He nodded in acknowledgment and opened the door, allowing me to enter. I stepped nervously inside, not really sure why I’d come to him. Then it hit me. It was the right thing to do.

I cradled the mug of coffee in my hands, trying to ignore the way my body tingled from Jonah’s proximity. He’d been so sweet, letting me into his apartment; bringing me a drink; and sitting next to me in silent comfort. We’d said very little since I’d knocked on the door. I wondered if that was because he didn’t know what to say or if I made him feel uncomfortable. The air was thick with tension, and even though it was turning sexual on my behalf, I doubted it was the same for him. I couldn’t even believe I’d come and knocked on his door at midnight. I knew I should’ve called J.J. or my mom, but Jonah was the only solace my body wanted right now. It was crazy. I didn’t know him, and yet, I couldn’t deny the reality. It was sitting next to me in the form of my

handsome neighbor. I stole a quick glance, only to see he was picking the same invisible fluff from his sweats as I was from my leggings. I knew I should feel embarrassed for going to him, but I didn’t. I felt better. Meow had raced across his apartment, and out onto the fire escape almost as soon as I’d entered. Jonah had called him back, and in the cat’s usual style, he turned and did what he wanted anyway. I should have gone after him, but all I could think of was seeking comfort. I just wanted to be held. I gulped every time Jonah shuffled in his seat, as it brought his thigh into contact with my own. Even though we were both clothed the connection was as intimate as if we were naked. My skin was electrified, my thoughts all jumbled. Jonah Quinn had me confused as hell. “Do you feel better?” I jumped at the sound of his gravelly voice. It seemed too loud in the quiet room, and my heart thundered against my chest. All I could do was nod. I didn’t trust my own voice. My reactions to him were never what I thought they’d be.

“I don’t want to question you too much. I just need to know you’re okay.” I swallowed before admitting defeat and speaking, “I didn’t want to be alone, and I heard your music...” His fingers touched my wrist, sending little pulses up my arm. His eyes went wide, telling me he felt it too. What was I supposed to do about that? I was at a loss for words. He proceeded to take the mug from my grasp and sat it down on the table. I nearly lost my ability to breathe upon his touch. His dexterous fingers took hold of my hands, pressing them between his own as he turned in his seat to face me. I squeezed my thighs together at the intensity of his expression, feeling guilty for my response. Would my body always give me away? “I...um...I waited up for you. I could hear you...crying. I just wanted to know you were sleeping before I turned in.” His cheeks flushed the sweetest shade of pink. I

smiled. I couldn’t stop it. We were mere strangers, and yet he’d stayed awake because he knew I was upset. Acting on pure instinct, I rested my head on his shoulder and inhaled his scent, closing my eyes to absorb the connection. Our breathing was steady, deep; our heartbeats both throbbing rhythmically, but his constant shuffling gave him away. “Do you want me to leave, Jonah?” I questioned, my voice low. I felt his throat constrict, but continued to focus on our hands. He hadn’t let go, so that had to be a good sign, didn’t it? I studied his fingers in the low light. I’d always expected them to be smooth, but I could see, as well as feel, the small calluses along the tips. I deduced that they were from his guitar playing, though from his huge desk in the corner, they very well could be from his drawing. I was still pondering those rough fingers when he spoke, his lips moving against my hair. “N-no,” he stammered, nerves getting the better of him. “I’m glad you came to me. I’m not a real social person, so I’m sorry if I seem rather strange.” I huffed then smiled, patting his knee. “Strange

wouldn’t be on my top-ten list of descriptions for you.” “Oh? What would?” His voice was still low, yet I couldn’t miss the slight lift to his tone. So taking his lead, I kept mine light and teasing. “Hero.” “And?” “Fishing for compliments, Jonah?” “Elle, please look at me.” It was a demand rather than a request. Regardless, I did as he bid and tilted my head to meet his gaze. I gasped at what I saw. The sound was captured in his mouth as his lips met mine. I was frozen in shock, allowing his lips to caress my own, and when the tip of his

tongue touched mine I responded. Jonah’s hands clasped mine tighter as our tongues slid seductively against one another. He tasted of toothpaste with a hint of the coffee he’d taken a small sip of. It was intoxicating. I moved closer for more, he released my hands so that he could hold my face and deepen the kiss. If I’d have been standing my knees would have buckled; his kiss was so startling. He was making the butterflies in my stomach go wild. This was a first kiss like no other, and one I didn’t want to end anytime soon. When he moved a hand to my waist and tugged a little, I could only hope he wanted what I did. Our connection was severed for a moment while he sat back on the couch, but pulling at my hips. He wanted me to straddle him. My head was yelling for me to stop. I knew nothing about him. I was vulnerable, but then he seemed just as sad as I did tonight. I bit down on those thoughts and sat on his thighs, facing him. His fingers squeezed my hips as I gazed down at him. His lips were swollen from the kiss, and his blue eyes sparkled. I liked his brand of comfort, getting lost in Jonah was exactly what I needed.

I had so many questions for him. I wanted to know where this was going, but when I opened my mouth to ask, he stopped me by placing a finger across my lips. He shook his head before moving his hand around to cup the back of my neck, then pulled me back down into a searing kiss. Our lips progressed from slow to gentle to crazed and desperate in a matter of seconds. Our steady breaths became short pants as the silence was filled with purrs of approval. This was spiraling fast, and when he moved his mouth to my neck I knew that this was the time to stop him – to take stock of where this was heading. I forgot what I was thinking the instant his fingers pushed underneath the back of my sweater. They rippled across my rib cage at the same time his teeth started to nibble on my collarbone. My hands pushed into his hair, gripping the strands, hoping to gain an anchor in my twisted little world. Jonah only made the insanity worse when he rolled his hips, thrusting his arousal against me, clarifying exactly what he wanted. I had two choices. Flight or fuck. My loud moan when his tongue slid against the column of my throat gave me my answer. I couldn’t run now. I wanted this – wherever it was going.

“Jonah?” I gasped. He kept his face level with my chest; his fingers still tickling my back, when he spoke. “So long,” he whispered with reverence. “Too long.” I frowned, perplexed by his short ramble. It was quickly forgotten the instant he raised his hips again. At that moment nothing could have stopped me. Nothing at all. “Elle. I need you.” I blinked, but knowing a small smile was playing across my face. In tomorrow’s light of day this may seem like a mistake but right now it was dark, and I was consumed with lust. Things had never looked better. “Please,” I begged, rolling my hips against him.

His reply was a predatory smile shortly before he began to pull my sweater over my head. I went along with it, shaking my hair and letting it cascade down my back and across his fingers. I heard a low rumble, so I repeated the action, filing away the fact that he enjoyed the soft caress of my hair. I sat partially naked before him, a perfect stranger. I should have been embarrassed, but I wasn’t. In fact, I felt bolder knowing he wanted me. We’d danced around each other for far too long. If tonight was all we had, then I would embrace it with open arms. I refused to think about the morning. Jonah moved back slightly, taking in my bare chest. He licked his lips and circled a nipple with a single finger as if he were seeing one for the first time. I watched and waited, although my hips had a mind of their own and rocked gently against his erection. Neither of us spoke as his hand trembled on my body. The silence was seductive. I placed my hands on his torso, skimming my palms across his toned abdomen.

“Now,” I breathed, only trusting myself with the one word. His lips met mine again in a deep, thorough kiss. They demanded; they devoured; and they left me gasping for breath. I yelped when he lifted us up, spinning us around and placing me on my back across the couch. He held onto the waistband of my leggings and paused. It was a silent question, one I answered with an action of my own; I lifted my hips allowing him to remove them. The black fabric was flung over his shoulder. I heard a low moan that emanated from his chest. It made me smile. He obviously liked what he saw. Excited by his reaction, I spread my legs and drank in his tattooed torso. The black images stood out on his pale skin as the shadows highlighted the muscles of his abdomen. I fought to stop my thighs from clenching. The ache that had begun to grow in my center became more intense as I stared at his glorious body. Jonah seemed to read my mind, because he stood, ridding himself of his sweats before climbing on top of me and blanketing me in his warmth. “Please,” I whimpered, knowing I was only

repeating my earlier statement. “Elle...I don’t...I don’t know where this-” I stopped him by kissing him with a deep kiss. I didn’t want him regretting this before we’d even done anything. He seemed to understand and reciprocated with just as much lust. He skimmed his hand down my body, cupping my ass, and moving my leg around his hip. It brought his erection in line with my sex. I bucked against him, hoping he’d ease my ache soon. He seemed to enjoy my delirium and rolled his arousal against me once more. It slipped between my folds, eliciting a sigh. I was going to beg again, when I felt the tip of him touch my entrance. I shifted my stance, grasped his hips, and pushed against his shaft with all the force I had. I whimpered. Jonah hissed. Elation flooded my body, head to toe. I felt so full, so utterly consumed by him. He remained still, allowing my body to adjust to the invasion. His body, his warmth, his lips; all teasing mine. Every part of Jonah was connected to

me. It was sending my need into overdrive. As if reading my thoughts, Jonah pulled away slightly, and waited a second before thrusting back into me. Gasps filled the apartment; each of us being carried away in this blissful moment. My thoughts dispersed around his third thrust, leaving behind nothing except a body desperate for things only he could deliver. Urging him on, I squeezed my thighs tighter around his hips and was rewarded with a low hum. His fingers dug into my ass, pulling me as close as he could, as his hips sped to keep up with my pace. I was having difficulty breathing and reluctantly moved my lips from his, burying my face in the crook of his neck. His scent was stronger there. I felt myself become wetter with each breath I took. Jonah felt it too, because he groaned and began to pump into me with force. We became a mixture of thrusts, moans, kisses, and sighs. I couldn’t get enough of him; couldn’t feel him deep enough. Our breathing was labored. I was clawing at his back desperate for my release. My stomach began to clench, showing just how close I was to completion. Jonah stared down at me, and breathed one word before I shattered into a thousand pieces, “Elle.”

I arched against him, throwing my head back and moaning as every cell in my body was flooded with happiness. Jonah shuddered and grunted above me as his hips slowed and eventually coming to a stop. We were left fighting for breath and struggling to right our equilibrium. Neither one of us could move, though his weight was crushing me. As Jonah became responsive, he shuffled us awkwardly around. We lay side by side on the couch facing each other. His stunned expression mirrored my own. My skin was still buzzing as aftershocks wracked Jonah’s torso. What were we supposed to do now? I opened my mouth, but again, he had other ideas and began a luscious, thorough kiss. He held my neck with his hand, tilting me into a much deeper position. His tongue and teeth teased my lower lip, eliciting incoherent whimpers from me. I went along with his arousing demand and eventually moved my face back to his neck. I nuzzled the crook of it, feeling his rumbled sigh reverberate down his throat. “Thank you,” I whispered. “Don’t thank me.”

“Why not?” I asked, still enveloped in post-coital bliss, therefore missing the edge to his words. He stroked my arm, rubbing his chin across the top of my head and ruffling my hair. “You didn’t need this. I took advantage.” “You didn’t! Jonah, I was-” “I just want you to know that I’m not usually like this. I don’t...interact well,” he lamented, his legs rubbing seductively against mine. “You don’t give yourself enough credit. Your interaction made me very happy.” Jonah huffed, his arms banding around me. “Shush,” he soothed. “Rest now.” I blinked, startled by his words. Did he want me to sleep here? In his arms?

After a speedy debate, I decided to just go with it and close my eyes. Tomorrow was another day. I would take whatever it threw my way, because right now I was happy in Jonah’s comforting embrace. As I lay in his arms, my mind slowly began to work again, processing the events of the evening. Jonah had felt as desperate as I had for comfort, but why? I didn’t believe for one moment that the attack on me had affected him in the same way, so what had happened in those few hours to make him so sad? Whatever it was, I had been the one to make it better for him, just as he had for me. I couldn’t stop pride from building within me. We’d calmed each other. No matter what the repercussions were tomorrow, I couldn’t regret what we’d just done. I hoped he didn’t either. “Stop thinking, Elle,” he said, breaking the silence. “Sleep or at least nap.” “But, Jonah, what just-” “Sleep,” he interrupted, shutting me down and showing there was no room for debate. I took a lung full of his scent and closed my eyes,

knowing this moment would be over the minute I opened them. Right here, right now, we were close. I wasn’t in a rush for it to end. So I remained quiet and listened to his slow, steady breaths, as I tried to fight the fatigue. Eventually it won and I closed my eyes, falling into a peaceful sleep.

I knew he was gone the moment I woke. I didn’t need to open my eyes to feel the lack of his warm body on the couch. It was obvious he hadn’t been there for some time. It was cold. Sadness surrounded me, but then what had I expected? Hugs? Kisses? A repeat performance? I sat up, feeling self-conscious in the cold light of day and reached for Jonah’s discarded wife beater. I brought it to my nose, inhaling before pulling it over my head. The shirt didn’t cover much of my body, but it would do until I found the rest of my clothes. The clock on the wall showed that I’d only been asleep a couple of hours. I wondered if Jonah moving from the couch had been what woke me. I scanned the apartment, noting it was exactly as it had been when I’d arrived. Jonah was nowhere to be seen.

He had left me. What was I supposed to do now? Had he left the apartment, only to return when he was sure I’d gone back home? Anxiety churned in my stomach at the thought of that. I knew this incident would appear different when we woke, but was it so horrible for him that he couldn’t stay to see me and at least acknowledge what had happened? I fumbled with my discarded clothing, trying not to cry or think too much about why he’d left me. I quickly checked the bedroom, confirming to myself more than anything, that I was alone. It was self-torture, but I needed the proof. When the reality was undeniable, I shoved my leggings on and walked to the front door. That was when I saw the note. It was taped to the door, nothing more than a piece of paper torn from a notebook with two words penciled across it.

I’m sorry. I whined, ripped it from the wood, and slammed the door behind me. I didn’t bother with the elevator; I wanted to lock myself in my own apartment and hide from

my foolishness. I should have known it was too good to be true. I’d ignored the voice in my head that told me this wasn’t going to end well. I thought I knew better. I thought it wouldn’t feel as bad, but rejection was rejection. It still clawed at my heart whether I thought I’d prepared myself or not. We’d shared very few words, knew next to nothing about each other, and yet I’d shared my body – my most intimate moments, with him. What the hell had I expected? I stormed into my apartment, my shame turning to anger, as I stalked right to the bathroom. I took off my leggings, discarding them on the floor and turned on the shower. It was only when I reached for the hem of my top that I realized I was still wearing Jonah’s wife beater. It smelled of us. I wanted to tear it up before shoving it into his mailbox, but I couldn’t. Instead, I turned off the water and walked dejectedly to my bedroom. I snuggled up in my blanket still wearing his clothes and felt Meow pad onto the mattress, before coming to rest near my head. He pushed his nose against mine, wanting me to cuddle him, so I brought him close as he purred against my hand. Maybe Meow was the only male I should allow in my life. He certainly would be there when I woke up.

“So that’s it?” J.J. questioned, picking up a tight pink dress and measuring it against her slim form. I moaned, trying on a pair of sunglasses. “I guess so, but then again, I have no idea.” “Have you tried knocking on his damn door?” “I went back the same afternoon, J.J. I told you this! But I’m not going to beg for it.” “Why not?” She laughed. I glared at her, placing my hands on my hips, hoping she’d understand this time. “Jonah Quinn is a

stunningly beautiful enigma, but I won’t make him open up to me-” “Seems like he already did that,” she interrupted, backing away and smirking when I pouted at her. “I’m just saying, the guy was good in bed, right?” She tucked a strand of her white-blond hair behind her ear, then toyed with a small silver hoop that adorned the lobe. “So why would you let that get away? The guy is on your doorstep.” “And that means I automatically have to make him my booty call?” I didn’t wait for a response; I stalked from the store leaving her openmouthed. I loved my friend, but she was so matter-of-fact sometimes that I couldn’t help but get frustrated. I wasn’t like her, and this city was still so new to me. By no means was I shy. I’d had my fair share of one-night stands, but I had thought Jonah was more than that. J.J. based everyone’s experiences on her own, and because of the way she saw the world, she seemed abrupt when giving

advice. By all accounts, J.J. had always been a free spirit; even her parents found it difficult to get her to abide by any rules. She had broke every single one of them when she married a man she’d known for two weeks in Vegas. She filed for divorce a month later. Her parents had been livid, but J.J. brushed it off and moved on. Her motto was that she never regretted the things she’d done; only what she hadn’t. That was what she lived by. She slept with who she wanted, regardless of gender or age, and right now, she was seeing Elijah who was eight years younger than her. Before Eli, there had been Roxi. She was hilarious and really great keeping J.J. centered. I was surprised when she told me it was over between them, and more than a little shocked when she met Eli three days later. J.J. was like a whirlwind. You either went along for the ride or got flung out by the vortex. I met her days after moving to New York. She had been running out of a coffee shop and ended up spilling her latte all over my top. If it had happened to me back home I would have raged on the person, but for some reason we both burst out laughing. We spent the rest of the afternoon chatting, not giving the drying coffee stain a second thought. J.J.’s advice was always the same; take it or leave it. In truth, she wasn’t bothered, because she lived her life, not anyone else’s. I often wished I could go about life as

carefree as her, but my insecurities always crept through; more-so when it came to men. Men who crept away while I slept. “Hey, wait up!” J.J. shouted, pulling on my arm. Her ice blue eyes pierced mine, waiting for some kind of explanation. “J.J., you just don’t get it. I can’t be like you and just brush his rejection off.” “You don’t know that it is rejection,” she pointed out, looping her arm into mine and steering us down the street. “I don’t need him to say the words.” “Elle, you have no idea what was going on in his head, and you haven’t been back to ask him either. So how do you know it was rejection? He could have told you to get out as soon as you guys finished the dirty deed, but he didn’t. He asked you to sleep next to him, actually sleep with him. Guys don’t do that,” she pointed out smugly.

“And that means what?” I asked, bringing us to a halt in the middle of the street. I stared at her, unsure as to why she couldn’t see

that significance. I was about to speak when she read my mind. “Oh, I’m not stupid. I get you, but do you really think a guy you’ve spoken to a handful of times is going to want you in his bed? Think about it. Then go and talk to him.” I couldn’t argue with her; she did have a point, but it didn’t mean I had to like it. I pursed my lips, and for the second time today, left her gaping as I walked into the nearest store. I could hear her heels clicking on the ground as she followed me. We were firmly inside the store by the time I looked around. I scrunched my nose in distaste, gazing at the shelves full of graphic novels, huge cardboard cut-outs of superheroes, and groups of gothed-out teenagers. I’d had no idea where I was walking when I stormed off from J.J. Obviously I need to look before I leap. Wasn’t that the story of my life? “New reading material?” J.J. laughed.

I rolled my eyes, mortification flaming my cheeks. “You’re not funny,” I started, but was unable to stop the smile that was teasing my lips. “I’m not the one that walked into a teenage boy’s wet dream.” “Shut up and let’s get out of here.” I stalked to the door, reaching for the handle when something caught my eye. I stopped abruptly, about to turn around, when J.J. walked straight into my back. “Hey!” I ignored her, heading straight for the graphic novel display in the corner of the store. The drawing on the front of one called to me; I’d seen it before, but it was where I’d seen it that left me so perplexed. It was the tattoo on Jonah’s ribcage; I was certain. I picked the paper novel up, skimming my fingers across the front cover. The image was haunting – a man dressed in black, the only features I could make out were

his thin lips and hard set jaw, because a large hood concealed his face. Everything else was covered in fabric or shadow. He seemed to be an assassin of sorts; the text simply stated Darkness. The only annotation to an author was a small circle surrounded by a larger one, followed by a diagonal line running through the dead center. “So you really have found something new,” J.J. sighed. “Jonah has this,” I pointed out. “This image – this man, Jonah has it tattooed on his side.” “So he’s a closet geek then.” “I...I don’t know. Maybe.” I frowned, transfixed by the picture on the cover. J.J. was grumbling, wanting to get out of the store, but I didn’t want to put the book down. So, on a whim, I took it to the register and handed it to the boy with a face full of makeup behind the counter. “This guy is awesome. Nice choice, lady. Did you check out his other work? It’s all on the stand in the corner.”

I nodded, handing him my credit card, as he continued. “He has another one coming out next month. The pre-order sales are through the roof.” J.J. snickered, bumping her hip against mine. She was teasing me, but who the hell could blame her? I seemed to have left my sanity on Jonah’s couch. I accepted my purchase, taking note of the flyer he placed in the paper bag, and shuffled from the store. I couldn’t meet J.J.’s gaze, because I knew she was laughing at me. I was laughing right along with her. Who the hell buys a graphic novel with as to what one even is? “I really need a coffee, Elle, and to be honest, I think caffeine withdrawal is doing something weird to you. Maybe if you had a double-shot espresso you’d realize what you just bought.” “I’m well aware of that, thanks,” I snapped, placing my wallet in my tote. She shot me a look that told me I’d taken her joke

far too seriously, and I knew I had. I felt too raw, and yes dammit, ashamed. My stalker tendencies seemed to be out of control when it came to Jonah. It was as if I had no boundaries. In the interest of apologizing and making sure the rest of our shopping trip didn’t suck, I placed my arm around her slender shoulders and squeezed a little. “Sorry, babes. I don’t have the first clue as to what’s going on with me at the moment. I’m losing my mind.” “Not at all,” she answered, shaking her head, her white hair lashing at my cheeks which each twist. “You’re just fixated on your neighbor. I thought sex would smooth it out for you. I was wrong. Maybe you need to be with someone else, you know, flush him out of your system?” “No way!” I protested, as we turned the corner. “I’m not messing around with another random stranger. Look where this one got me.”

I moved closer to her, feeling anxious as more people filled the streets. I tried not to allow my attack to change my life, but at times, my nerves took over. The jostling of people walking on the street heightened my awareness of my surrounding. “It was just an idea...oops, bet that’s Eli.” She smiled when her cell began to ring. I tuned her out as she started talking to him. I locked myself in my own world, trying to sort through the haphazard thoughts that were locked there. I’d assumed confessing to my best friend would help me work through them, but they were worse than before. Every time I closed my eyes I could see Jonah hovering above me, feel him inside of me, and taste him on my lips. It was a continual torture that I couldn’t escape. J.J. was still talking to Eli on her cell when we entered the coffee shop. I left my purchases at the table with her and went to get our drinks. There wasn’t a line; it took only a few moments before I returned with two caramel Macchiatos. J.J. winced when she saw how much whipped cream they’d placed on the top. I laughed. It wasn’t as if she needed to watch her weight; I’d seen more fat on a fry. She didn’t stay annoyed for very long, and as she gave Elijah all the details about her altercation with a model yesterday,

she spooned the frothy cream into her mouth. I grinned, moaning when the flavor burst across my own tongue. My eyes fluttered closed as I slumped further down into the large armchair. The sounds of the store floated around me, and every now and again J.J. would give a snort or purr into her cell. I was just about to drift off when my stomach growled with ferocity. “Go and get a muffin or something, Elle,” J.J. scowled. “We’ll be here a little while yet. Eli thinks it will be about an hour before he can meet us.” I hadn’t even realized we were meeting Eli, not that it mattered. The mood was always jovial when he was around. If I went home, I’d be left to design two websites. I was definitely in favor of staying here to drink my coffee and nap. “Want anything?” I asked, standing up. When she shook her head, turning slightly so that she could whisper into the receiver, I walked over to the cash register. There were a few people waiting in front of me. I mentally cursed myself for not picking something

when I bought the coffees. The two young girls in front of me were squealing and chattering so loud it was difficult to ignore them. “So Cali went over to him, and he basically sang the whole song to her. I mean, he has never done that before!” “I’m so jealous I couldn’t come. At least they’re still playing tonight. What are you wearing?” The blond tossed her curtain of hair over her shoulder, almost choking me with the waft of cheap, toxic perfume that came my way. Her raven-haired friend gazed at her in awe, and waiting patiently for her response. “I was thinking about that black tube top. You know, the one I wear with the plaid tutu style skirt?” “Oh my God, yes!” The raven-haired girl squealed. “You totally should. Your boobs look so hot in that top. Jonah will definitely notice you in that. Maybe he’ll sing to you.” My heart thundered in my chest as my breath

caught. Jonah? Now I was hearing his name when it hadn’t even been spoken. I was going mad. It was the only logical explanation. “I would melt,” The blond added. “I actually think I would melt at Jonah Quinn’s feet. A pool of Phoebe goo.” “Eww! Do you think he’d scoop you up and eat you?” “Gross, Bex. Totally gross.” They took a step forward and ordered their coffees. While they waited for their drinks to be made, I couldn’t stop the question from spilling from my lips. “Excuse me...um, you guys know Jonah? Jonah Quinn?” The dark-haired one – Bex, eyed me warily, but the blond was more than happy to confess all. “Yeah, we follow his band everywhere. They’re gonna be huge one day. You know him too?”

I nodded, not exactly sure we were even talking about the same guy. Then again, how many men with that name could there be in this city? I knew Jonah played, so no matter how much I wanted to deny it, I couldn’t. “Were you at The Cellar last night? He looked amazing! Are you coming tonight?” I blinked, thinking fast. “Couldn’t make it last night, but yeah, I’m on for tonight. I heard the band had changed the venue though.” “No way!” Bex almost screamed. “Noir always play at the Cellar. We’d have heard if they had, wouldn’t we, Phoebe?” Phoebe nodded, collecting her paper cup of coffee and standing further over to the side. Bex did the same, and as I was ordering a blueberry muffin they both waved goodbye. “See you tonight at eight then.”

I smiled, wiggling my fingers goodbye, as I picked up the small green plate that held my muffin. I scuttled back to J.J., who was just ending her call with Eli. My smile was huge as I flopped into the oversized armchair. “Well, you certainly brightened up. Told you that you needed some caffeine,” she grinned, taking a sip of her own. “It’s not that.” “No?” I shook my head, my cheeks starting to hurt from my grin. I wondered if I could get her to the bar without telling her why we were going. “Are you busy tonight?” I all but bounced. “Um...no, but whatever you have in mind needs to be Eli friendly.” “Yup.”

She eyed me skeptically, waiting only a moment before asking, “Did you take some uppers while you were waiting for that muffin?” “Seriously, J.J.! I’m just giddy about going out tonight. Is that not allowed?” “Depends.” She shrugged. “You still haven’t told me where we’re going.” “Too see a band.” “And that band is?” She probed. I took a deep breath, before answering with, “Jonah’s band. Noir.” Her eyes grew as wide as saucers seconds before a sly smirk formed across her lips. “Oh, Elle...this is good. So very, very good!”

I gazed into the mirror, taking in my appearance, as my heart thumped heavily in my chest. I was bouncing with excitement, so much so that I couldn’t sit still. No man had ever made me feel like this, and in some ways I hated Jonah for my loss of control. I turned into someone I barely recognized when he was near, so I made a bargain with myself. Tonight I was going to show Jonah Quinn exactly who I was, and what he’d walked away from. I would make him regret his decision to leave me alone on his couch. I applied another quick coat of clear lip gloss, and placed my feet into the hot pink heels. The color matched the trim on my strapless, black tank, as well as brightened

up my black skinny jeans. I spent extra time on my hair, making the red curls shine and bounce as I turned my head. J.J. insisted on applying my makeup, but I’d vehemently refused. Tonight I was claiming a bit of myself back, from both my attacker and Jonah. I refused to let either situation get to me as they’d been doing. Tonight I was going to forget it, and make Jonah see just what he was letting slip through his fingers. “Are you ready?” J.J. shouted from the kitchen. I stepped into her line of vision, and did a small twirl. She gave a little clap, making me smile and curtsy. “I still think you should have gone with the short skirt.” I raised a single brow at her, my gaze traveling from top to toe. She had taken the minimal option when it came to tonight’s wardrobe. Her blue dress seemed nothing more than a series of four bands of fabric, yet she looked stunning. The color made her hair appear even paler; her skin creamier.

“I’m wearing these, so drop it,” I grinned at her. She tossed me my small purse, and we strutted out of my apartment. Pulling up to Cellar was easy, given that we had no problem flagging down a cab with the outfit J.J. was wearing. I stepped out of the cab, hearing the music playing within the building. I suddenly felt nervous. J.J. sensed it, but in a style so true to her nature, she laughed and shoved me through the door. I was bombarded by sights, smells, and sounds as we entered. It took me a good few minutes to acclimatize myself. The band wasn’t on stage yet, but the bar was full of eager patrons. I noticed a small sign at the side of the bar declaring, Noir. Live tonight! I was hoping to see a photo of the band. I tried to convince myself that I had this all wrong, but there wasn’t one. Only words. “Eli!” J.J. shouted, much too close to my ear. I cringed, trying to remove myself from her, hoping to gain my hearing back. J.J.’s man of the month raced forward, sweeping her close to him and spinning her

around. I watched them, amazed that she wasn’t bothered by his immature behavior. In fact, she seemed to thrive off it. Eli was eight years younger than J.J., and it showed. He acted like a drunken frat boy most of the time and dressed like one too. I had been shocked when J.J. informed me he was a model; that they met on a shoot. I expected him to be much more stylish, but he lived in his worn sweats and holey T-shirts. He made it obvious that didn’t care what people thought of him. He was all about the fun and refused to participate in anything that wasn’t. “How are you doing there, Elle?” Eli asked, pushing his auburn hair back from his face with his fingers. It looked like it needed a damn good wash. “Good, thanks. You?” He didn’t have a chance to answer, because the room was filled with hoots and hollers as the band walked onto the small stage.

I gawked, my mouth dropping open, as Jonah took to the mic. “Hey, everyone. We’re Noir, and this is Lightning Strikes.” The drummer clicked his sticks, counting the guitarist in, and the whole room cheered at the opening chords of the song. Jonah plucked at the strings; his guitar resting on his naked torso, because his black shirt was unbuttoned and the sides were left hanging open. I stepped closer, noticing one of the girls from the coffee shop at the edge of the stage, gazing up at him in adoration. Suddenly, as if sensing me, he looked in my direction. His eyes met mine, piercing me with ferocity. He sang gently into the mic, his fingers teasing the strings of his guitar, but those eyes never left me. I swallowed, my skin tingling under his attention. I knew this song. In fact, I could recite the chorus word for word, so when it began I couldn’t stop myself. I mouthed them as Jonah all but breathed it. His voice so low, so soft, that it

made me shiver.

In the dark of night, or the light of day It’s you. Alone in my bed, or the center of a fray, It’s you. It’s you. Always you. I imagined he was singing to me; telling me things he couldn’t verbalize. My body began to melt at his words. The other girls I’d seen earlier in the coffee shop were edging closer to the stage, baring every inch of available flesh they could. Jonah never once looked their way. I was entranced by his music, hypnotized by his lyrics. One song flowed into the next, each word holding my complete attention.

As J.J. handed me a beer, I took it absently, only taking a sip when Jonah broke eye contact. Everything else faded around me. It was as if he was singing for me, and only me. Just like when we were in our apartments. Was he asking internal questions about my appearance here while he sang? Did my presence touch him as much as his did me? My own questions continued throughout his entire set, and I was startled when he pulled the guitar over his head, setting it down on the stage. The night had gone by too fast. Jonah jumped from the stage, ignoring the requests for a photos or autographs. His eyes were locked on mine; his face serious, and as he approached he held his hand out for me to take. “Elle,” he almost whispered. “How did you know?” I shook my head, feeling my throat close with emotion. My cheeks were hot from mortification, even though I shouldn’t be ashamed. He had been the one to

leave me. “Can we talk?” I heard J.J. snigger behind me, but I continued to remain quiet. “Please, Elle,” he croaked, still holding out his hand. J.J. pushed me closer to him, and I stumbled in my heels. My hands flew to his chest, trying to grab hold of something, anything, that was going to keep me upright. His hands gripped my biceps and saved me from falling. Sharp sparks of electricity shot through my body from his touch. My instinct was to pull away, however his eyes met mine again. I was lost. His hand on my skin made my resolve crumble and dissipate into the smoky bar. “I just want to talk,” he tried again. I gave him a short nod, and let him take my hand in his. He pulled me gently forward through the crowd toward the door that led backstage. I looked back at J.J. and Eli once, only to see them both give me the thumbs up

with huge smiles on their faces. Traitors. I was jostled around, as we neared the door. Jonah squeezed my hand tighter as I clutched the back of his open shirt. “Jonah! Can I get-” “Not right now. I’m sorry,” he interrupted a giddy little brunette. Her face fell. I wondered if she was about to cry, because her eyes became watery. Jonah didn’t even look her way. He opened the door, guiding me into a long dark corridor, then closed it behind us. His hand was still holding mine, and he made no effort to switch on the light. I tried to look away but was faced with his bare chest which peeking out of his open shirt. I could see the black ink on his skin, his toned abdomen, and the rapid rise and fall of his chest. It mirrored my own. Could he be as nervous as I was? I swallowed thickly, trying to think of something to

say to him, but came up blank. I could hear the blood thundering through my veins as anxiety dominated my system. I licked my lips, tasting the sticky sweetness of my gloss, and tried to scrape the product from my tongue with my teeth. Jonah gave a small smile, raising a brow in question. “Are you okay?” I caught myself, only then realizing how strange I must look. “Sorry.” He tightened his hold on me, as his free hand came up and he cupped my chin with his fingers. I bit back a sigh at his touch and eyed him with caution. “I should be the one saying that,” he muttered. “Why aren’t you? Why have I had to come to you before you’ll talk to me?” I asked bluntly, anger boiling through my veins.

“I am sorry for the way I treated you that night, Elle. I never...” “I know you didn’t intend to make love to me on the couch, but you did – we did. Then you left me! I had no idea what I’d done wrong, Jonah.” “You did nothing wrong,” he confirmed, stroking my chin with his thumb. “I got...Shit! Elle, I got scared. I wasn’t joking when I said I wasn’t a people person. I find relationships...difficult. I’m disgusted at myself, but when I woke up with you next to me, I panicked. That’s the only excuse I have.” I glared at him. “That’s lame, and to be honest, it hurt.” He rested his back against the door, bringing me with him. I stood between his opened legs, my hand flat against the slightly damp skin of his chest. I could feel the hard pounding of his heart; he was affected by me as much as I was by him. “I’ll apologize again, if that will work.”

The side of his mouth lifted in a teasing smile, because no matter what kind of fight I was verbalizing my body was telling him something else. Something I couldn’t deny. I slapped his chest, feigning a pout, only to have him lean forward and place a small, lingering kiss on my forehead. “I’m hard work; trust isn’t an easy emotion for me. I need a lot of time. Can we have a do over?” I snorted, rolling my eyes. “We can’t exactly go back to the morning after the night before, can we?” Jonah wiggled his brows playfully, eliciting a giggle from me. He was cute when his guard was down. “Sure we could. Just means we have to have a night before...” He let the statement linger between us, leaving any decision up to me.

“I’m not a toy. You can’t pick me up whenever you have a need to fulfill your urges.” “I know that, and that’s not what this about. I never intended to sleep with you. I don’t do that, but I got carried away. I like you, Elle. Forgive me?” The way he crooned forgive me sent waves of arousal shooting in one direction. Southbound. Any back bone I had when it came to him, evaporated. I carried on pouting at him, trying to show him I wasn’t swayed. He lowered his head, pressing his lips against mine. I gasped; Jonah catching it as he opened his lips further. We fit delectably together. The voice in my head said no, told me to protest, but my whole body was crying out for him. Jonah tilted his head to the left and leaned into me, his hips connecting with my stomach. He brought his hands to my hips, his thumbs rubbing my hip bones through my skinny jeans, causing my stomach to contract with desire. I lifted my hands up to his

shoulders, steadying myself against the onslaught of his kiss. Sparks flew from his touch, causing the hair on my arms to stand on end. My heart was about to leap out of my chest; the more his lips caressed mine, the harder it beat. It wasn’t chaste. His demand was clear. He opened his mouth deepening the kiss, then sucked on my lower lip. I moaned, clutching at his shirt. As his teeth grazed the inside of my bottom lip, his tongue stroked the area in an effort to soothe it. My mouth was in the midst of an erotic assault, and I couldn’t get enough. He began to pepper tiny kisses along my top lip before reconnecting his mouth with mine again. I shivered though my temperature continued to rise. My hand moved to his hair, he hummed in satisfaction as my fingers ruffled through with each pass. I tried to press my body closer to his, but his hands on my hips kept me in place. I couldn’t breathe, yet I couldn’t pull away. Jonah Quinn was addicting. I was about to deepen the kiss when Jonah retreated, placing a soft peck on my lips and one on my nose, before he lifted his head. He kept his hands on my

hips, giving them a little squeeze. I gulped, blinking and trying to restore my equilibrium and heard his low, gravely chuckle. “Forgive me now?” I patted his face, smiling at his teasing. “That wasn’t fair, and you know it.” “Duly noted. Do not kiss Miss Sampson.” “That’s n-not what I said!” I stammered, panicking. He laughed, his amusement echoing off the walls in the corridor. His arms banded around me as he buried his face in the crook of my neck. I pretended to push him away. It just made him laugh more. A few seconds later I gave up protesting and wrapped my arms around his waist, under his open shirt. I could feel the toned sinews of his torso. Each time I stroked them they tensed. We remained in the embrace, just listening to each other breathe. When Jonah spoke against my skin I

felt my nipples pebble, and I sighed. “So, what do you think, Elle? You gonna give me a second chance?” His false confidence was given away by the shudder of his torso. “A second chance at what? We didn’t speak to each other before my attack.” “I want us to be friends. I want to see where it leads. I’m drawn to you.” “Are you gonna walk out on me again?” I asked into his chest, inhaling his exotic scent. “We need to talk, but no Elle, I won’t walk out on you again. I won’t mess this up.” He began to kiss my neck, moving up until he reached my ear, grazing his teeth back down to my shoulder. I wanted to remain like this, tucked away in our own pocket of solitude. There would be no hurt, no need to worry about the morning after. This wasn’t possible, however.

It wasn’t reality. I swallowed, then started to pull away when he pushed his fingers into my hair. It loosened the pins that held some of it up. He combed his fingers through until the pins pinged across the floor, and my curls bounced around my shoulders. “I like it down,” he uttered. I smiled back at him, as he entwined his fingers in mine. “Are you going to introduce me to your friends?” I nodded, following him as he opened the door. The noise of the smoke filled bar flooded the corridor. I didn’t know what this now meant, were we a couple? Friends? Or had we simply decided that the night we’d spent together was all we’d ever have? My self-doubt was blown apart as Jonah hugged me close and breathed, “I’m reluctant to share you, but I think I’ll cope for a short while.”

His arm tightened around my waist, as we walked up to J.J. and Eli. I didn’t know how I was going to introduce him or what to say to J.J., but I was going to enjoy the moment while this lasted. This was a start. I refused to tarnish it with negative thoughts or doubts.

As it turned out J.J. and Eli were too busy copping a feel of each other to worry about what Jonah and I were up to. They had followed one another into the bathroom after a lengthy public display of affection. I had no doubt that they were up to no good when they failed to return a few minutes after excusing themselves. “I think it’s time I went,” I sighed, placing my beer bottle on the high table. “Not alone, you’re not.” He placed his own bottle down and led me to the

backdoor. After giving a short handshake to the doorman we stepped outside. The cold hit me instantly. My teeth began to chatter. I rubbed my biceps, wondering why the hell I hadn’t brought a jacket and had insisted on wearing a sleeveless tank. “Oops, wait. I need my jacket and guitar,” he said smiling. He kissed my nose. My heart skipped a beat as he reentered the club. I didn’t like being out here at night, alone. My mind began to work over time, making my skin prickle in awareness. Small noises were making me jump. I could see how fast I was breathing by the quick blasts of mist exiting my mouth, shuddering as my teeth crashed together. I was staring down the black ally when there was a loud creak. It was only when I heard a shushing in my ear that I realized what the noise was. “Hey, Red, you okay?” I shivered in his arms, allowing him to wrap me up in his comfort. He had buttoned up his shirt. He tucked his

jacket around me, filling my nostrils with the scent of worn leather and pure Jonah. “R-red?” I stammered. “N-not very original.” He shrugged. “Maybe not, but cute nonetheless. Let’s get you home. You need to warm up.” “You going to do that?” I tried to tease. His smile was huge, spreading across his face and making his brilliant blue eyes dance. “If you’re lucky.” I never left his side as he escorted me home. Jonah, my hero once more.

The cab ride home was a whirlwind. We hadn’t been able to find J.J. and Eli before we left the club. Jonah didn’t even take time to introduce me to the other members of his band. Not that I cared. I’d set out to grab his attention, and as we slid into the backseat of the cab, I was pretty sure I’d done just that. I’d hoped it would give me some time to compose my thoughts. I wanted to calm down enough to demand more of an explanation about the night he’d walked out on me. As it turned out, all I had done was stare at his profile and smile when he grinned my way. Our hands rested on the seat between us; our pinkie fingers entwined. I turned to look at him again. He exuded

happiness, so unlike the shy guy I’d gazed at each day at the mailboxes. Though his shy blush was missing, I liked the confident Jonah. I lost my nervousness around him when he was this excited, and without the awkward stuttering, we managed to hold a normal conversation. When the cab dropped us outside our building, I wasn’t sure what to expect. I began to twist my hair nervously, inhaling the deep musky scent of his leather jacket as it still rested on my shoulders. To my surprise, Jonah took my hand and led me toward his apartment. I was confused as we walked passed it heading for the stairway leading to the roof. “Where are we going?” I asked anxiously as he pointed upward. “And what’s up there?” “The sky, Red. Let me show you.” His hand gave mine a short squeeze as we climbed the stairs. Once we reached the top, he pressed the bar across the door and opened it. He let go of my hand, walking out onto the rooftop holding his arms out in greeting. He spun around, his face turned upward to the

dark clouds. “Look at it all from here!” He shouted. His voice echoed off the nearby building and reverberated around us. His gaze locked on mine. Though he had let go of my hand moments before, sparks flew between us. I couldn’t deny it. It was as if my body knew the only thing that could make it whole, was him. This is the thing J.J. was searching for; this complete connection. I started to chastise myself, after all, I didn’t really know him. Yet here I was basically deciding he was the man I was taking home to meet my mom. I needed to chill out a little, to just have fun. I needed to allow whatever I had with Jonah to develop, and not force or mold it into what I wanted. “Helllooooo!” Jonah waved at me, making me realize I’d zoned out. He was still giddy, his eyes twinkling brightly. “Jonah, are you high?”

He snorted, shaking his head. “Not at all. I get a little pumped after a gig. I get excited; it makes me feel alive.” I hummed as if I understood. In truth, he did look a little jumpy. I swallowed, feeling stupid for thinking he was lying. I had no reason to think otherwise. I pulled his jacket tighter around my shoulders and stepped over to the edge of the roof. “Why did you bring me up here?” “I come here a lot. I just wanted to share it with you.” I heard him move closer. “I messed up, and I should have said I was sorry sooner.” I gazed out at the other rooftops as I felt his hands rest on my shoulders. The heat radiated from his body burning through his jacket into my back. I fought not to lean into his touch. I refused to make this too easy. “It was embarrassing, Jonah,” I stated. “I just don’t understand why.”

His fingers tightened on my shoulders at my words. I was about to turn around and repeat myself when he spoke. It was low and husky, enough to set the butterflies off in my stomach again. “I explained why – I got scared. We had barely spoken, and by the time my mind caught up with my body, I was already all over you. I didn’t want you to think I’d taken advantage of you. When I woke, the reality of what we’d done hit me like a sledgehammer. I was a fool. I’m sorry. I should have stayed to explain it all.” I turned, my eyes meeting his intense blue ones. “But that doesn’t explain why you avoided me. I think you would’ve continued to avoid me had I not tracked you down at the bar.” His eyes closed for a moment, and I wondered if he was trying to think of an excuse. I couldn’t see Jonah being the type to use the attack on me as a way to get me into bed. He had to be telling the truth. Didn’t he? “Oh, I’ve messed this up.”

His hands moved forward to rest on my hips; his thumbs caressing my hipbones. Sparks shot to the apex of my thighs. I gritted my teeth to stop a sigh exiting my lips. “I want to get to know you. Will you let me?” His voice was like some magic spell, weaving its way into my heart and dissolving my determination. I exhaled, pressing my forehead against his chest. His arms moved up almost immediately, hugging me close. My world was engulfed in the scent of leather and Jonah. I nuzzled closer wanting more. “You said we could have a do over. Can we, Red?” I smiled at the new endearment. I was about to nod in agreement, when I remembered my head was still buried in his chest. Lifting it, I met his gaze again. “I’m giving you a chance. Don’t screw it up.” Jonah crossed his heart, grinning before enveloping me in a tight embrace. “So did you like the band?” he asked, his voice

lighter than before. “You guys are crazy! I loved it, but I’m surprised you didn’t get mauled by those groupies.” “Yeah, they’re up front almost every damn gig. Dan thinks it’s funny. I find it tiresome.” “I’m sure you do,” I replied, my tone laced with sarcasm. I’d barely spoken the words when his lips met mine. He kissed me with a slow, delicate reverence. He was so gentle that my legs turned to jelly and almost gave out on me. I clung to him, his shirt balling in my fists. The jacket he’d placed around my shoulders earlier fell to the floor. I shivered. His lips were slightly swollen, and his hair was standing in haphazard spikes from where my fingers had combed through it. My heart skipped a beat; his cheeks flushed pink. I adored that small reaction. He looked amazing. I wanted more.

I sighed as he placed his hands on my bare shoulders. “You’re cold. Let’s go inside.” “In a little while,” I breathed, not wanting the moment to end it. The air around us stirred with an intense electric charge that couldn’t be ignored. “Elle?” He hummed as he traced my collar bone with his finger. “You feel it, right?” I smiled, tilting my head to the side. Jonah took it as an invitation and placed a small peck there. His pull on me was undeniable; thoughts of him consuming me day in and day out. When I was near him my body made demands I didn’t want to deny. Jonah sighed and tunneled his fingers into my hair.

“Definitely down,” he exhaled, referring to his earlier request to leave my hair free from restraints. As he swept his lips across my neck, I felt the first drop of rain fall. Jonah didn’t seem to notice, or he was too absorbed in kissing my neck to care. I giggled, feeling him grin into the crook of my neck. “We should go inside,” I whispered. “It’s starting to rain.” “No. Stay. The city looks beautiful when it rains. Wait and see.” There was a loud crack of thunder. I jumped, squealing and shivering. He roared with laughter as I slapped him playfully on the chest. “Why is that funny? I hate the thunder.” “Bet I can make you like it,” he whispered, wiggling his brows. I moved past him and started to walk back toward

the entrance to our building, but he caught me around the waist and pulled me back against his chest. A huge drop of rain landed on the swell of my breast, above the edge of my tank. Jonah’s eyes glistened in excitement before he lowered his head, his tongue darting out and to lap it up. I moaned, lust flooding my system. His tongue laved my breast as he backed us slowly against the wall. The rain began to fall harder, before a flash of lightning came, as his lips fixed to mine. His tongue dipped into my mouth, sliding seductively against mine. I heard another clap of thunder, although I wasn’t scared this time. I was too lost in what we were doing to care. Our mouths caressed with urgent need as the heavens opened and the rain pelted down. The water sluiced along the wall, trickling down my back, making me gasp. I had to pull away, but only to gasp louder when I saw the look on Jonah’s face. Lust. Pure unadulterated lust, directed at me. My fingers danced across the buttons of his soaked, black shirt. I really wanted to take it off him, but I was unsure how to proceed. Was he intending to have me here? On the roof?

My tank and jeans were stuck to my skin, and the rain felt so good against my heated flesh. It was just what I needed to cool the flames. “Still want to go inside, Elle?” He asked. I licked my lips, tasting the tang of the rain and shook my head. I was rewarded with a low chuckle seconds before his hands thrust into my soaking wet hair. He devoured my lips. I pushed my fingers under his shirt feeling his muscles bunch at my touch, but it wasn’t enough. Jonah wanted more. He separated us and quirked a brow as he began to unbutton his sopping wet shirt. I couldn’t tear my eyes away. Feeling bold, I began to pop open the fastening that ran down the front of my tank. Our clothes swiftly landed in a wet pile on the ground, the rain cascading down onto our newly naked skin. He stared at my breasts, transfixed by the way the rain hit them, leaving them slick and shiny. His stare alone made me whimper. I wanted to look at him, really look at him. I got no further than his abdomen before my body

started to pulse with an intense need for him. As I took a step closer, his hands cupped my breasts, flicking a thumb across the erect peak. My eyes rolled back as a hum escaped my lips. I shivered again. “Red, answer me. Do you still want us to go inside?” I took a deep breath and decided to say exactly what I was thinking. “You promised to show me how beautiful things were in the rain. I can’t see that from inside, can I?” I teased, hoping he’d play along. Jonah didn’t reply. He pushed me against the wall and pressed his wet body against mine. I immediately wrapped a leg around his thigh; his arousal nestling against my center. Craving more of him, I moved his hands to my ass. He sensed my need and lifted me into his arms. I found myself sandwiched between the wall and Jonah, both my legs wrapped tightly around his hips. My

hands gripped his forearms, and I squeezed my thighs. The closeness made us both hiss with pleasure. Teasing him further, I rocked against his arousal. “Elle,” He bit out. “There’s no going back from here.” “I know.” I blinked, dislodging the beads of rain that rested on my lashes. “Sure?” “Yes,” I begged. “Yes.” He pinched my ass making me yelp before he ground his hips into mine. A ball of searing heat began to grow low in my belly. “Please stop teasing.” He flashed a crooked grin, knowing he’d pushed me just far enough. I only needed one thing, one person. His hand moved across my ass, underneath us, so that he could align his arousal with mine.

“I promise, no more,” he rumbled as I tried to spear myself onto him. “Nuh uh...” I let out a whimper as he took the lobe of my ear between his teeth and continued to rock his erection across my sex. I needed him inside of me. Though it wasn’t the first time we’d had sex, it felt different. It wasn’t just the rain. I was worried about the morning, but I refused to let that ruin this. I buried it and gave Jonah my full attention. He hadn’t seen my mental argument as he was licking the water from my neck, whispering into my ear. He licked the water from my neck and whispered, “Though we were only together a short time, I’ve missed you.” I bit back the urge to tell him that that was of his own doing, not mine.

The rain began falling faster as the thunder sounded in the distance, adding to the intensity of the moment. The rain trickled down my back in little rivulets. I could hear Jonah panting. I watched his chest rise and fall quickly, the dark ink on his body undulating with the breaths. I was mesmerized by the movements. I leaned in and kissed his lips softly, but Jonah had other ideas. “Elle, I can’t...” he ground out, feeling my whole body encapsulate him, as he slowly entered me. I encased him so tightly; not knowing how long I would be able to keep my orgasm at bay. We had fit together perfectly, just as we had before. I sighed, placing a small kiss on his lips again. I was amazed by the wonder of our union. Jonah rested his forehead against mine as he thrust into me. I whimpered and pushed back. “So good,” he uttered, kissing my nose before forcing himself further into me.

His fingers pinched my ass, clawing as if he just couldn’t get deep enough. My desire consumed me, burning through my body, desperate for a release of any kind. “Jonah...” I panted. He grunted through his teeth and thrust as a bolt of lightning forked through the sky. It lit up his face for an instant, showing the pure, unadulterated desire that overwhelmed him. I felt it too. I braced myself and rocked us harder as he placed his hands flat on the wall next to my head. I turned my head, kissing his forearm. Goose bumps skittered across the skin, making me smile before I repeated the action. My thoughts were incoherent, fixated on Jonah and how he made me feel. “Harder, Jonah,” I moaned, pushing my hips faster against his. He did as I asked and pumped into me with every ounce of strength he had. My legs quivered. It felt like jolts of electricity were shooting through my system. Each tiny

shock was headed in one direction; all focused on the part of me that demanded his touch. He closed his eyes briefly; his jaw steely set. I clenched my inner muscles tightly around him and was greeted with a guttural groan. He was close, and I grinned as I licked the shell of his ear, tasting the rain. I whispered, “Please, Jonah. Please.” “Yes,” he whimpered in return. We were working in unison now, meeting each other thrust for thrust, touch for touch, and kiss for kiss. Every part of me was centered on him. I rested my forehead against his slick chest, noticing that the rain had almost drowned out his scent. A slight tang floated in the air with a hint of his muskiness. It made my mouth water. I needed a taste of him. I was like an addict craving a fix.

I brought my mouth to the base of his neck and sucked gently. I felt a rumble of approval against his chest. His head flopped back, and I licked at the veins that strained on this throat. My abdomen clenched at the sight of his abandon, and swiftly my whole body began to burn. “Jonah. Oh, Jonah. Yes.” I was fascinated by the look on his face, but the image became blurry as my orgasm hit its crescendo. It was beautiful. I gasped as Jonah continued to keep pace. Never faltering. “Elle,” he said, my name little more than a whisper. I moaned, swirling my hips as my orgasm dispersed, hoping to urge Jonah’s on. I wanted him to feel as lost in the moment as I was. He panted and gasped; clawing at my back. I

clenched my thighs, throwing my face up to the sky as the water beat against my skin. The thunder was getting closer, more aggressive, and I felt him begin to pulse. His stomach twitched, and his legs almost gave out as he snarled; his orgasm lancing through him. He pushed aggressively into me one last time, before he shoved his face into my chest and muffled his lustful cries. “Damn, Red,” he panted, trying to catch his breath. I brought my hands to either side of his face, feeling the heat he radiated, and stared directly into his eyes. I was still shaking; my body still humming. “I don’t think I can put into words what that was.” He kissed my lips with slow precision, lapping the rain from them. “Passionate? Desperate? Hot?” I laughed and nodded my head. “I didn’t see any of the city though,” I added, taunting him. He lowered me carefully to the floor, checking my

skin for signs of damage. I couldn’t stop smiling and touching him. I placed my hands on his shoulders, my thumbs stroking his neck, before trailing off over his inked stars. “I love these. In fact, I need to get a good look at all of your tattoos,” I said pointing to them, my legs still quivering. “Oh, you want me to lie still while you check me out? Damn, Red, if I’d have known that earlier I would’ve been horizontal already.” I chuckled. “I can’t help that I’m a tad shallow. Art on a man’s skin just gets me excited.” “Is that why you blushed and stammered whenever I saw you at the mailboxes?” He quirked a brow, a sly little smirk played across his swollen lips. He had me.

“Erm...Well...I...Oh, come on!” I replied finding my voice. “It’s not like you were exactly forthcoming.” His smile was huge as he threaded his fingers into mine and dipped down to pick up our clothes. “Come on, we need to get inside. You’re freezing.” “So are you.” “Then let’s go and get warm,” he exhaled, tugging on my hand. I stilled. I stilled. “Our clothes are soaked. Do you really want us to go to our apartments naked?” “No,” he answered, as I breathed a sigh of relief. “We’re going to my apartment.” He pulled on my hand again, but I wouldn’t move. “Red?”

“We’re naked!” I proclaimed as if he had no idea. “Yup. But we’re naked out here too. If you run we can be locked away in my apartment within minutes...Run!” I couldn’t help myself. His words had me giggling and racing away from him. It was exhilarating and terrifying running down the two flights of stairs to his apartment. Jonah’s touches, his breaths in my ear, and his laughter superseded the fear of us getting caught. However, when he took his time finding his keys in his jeans, I was positive he was doing it on purpose. I slapped his back, trying to hide myself. My teeth were chattering to the same tune as his were, and we both moaned when he finally opened the door. “Towels!” Jonah shouted up, tossing the sodden clothes onto the wood floor. I watched him walk away from me across to the bathroom, taking note of yet more tattoos on his back. They seemed to be the same style as the hooded figure on his side. I knew I’d get a chance to ask him about them later.

I shuddered, looking around his apartment, as a fluffy robe came flying through the air. “Just in the bathroom. I’ll be a second.” I hummed, wrapping myself up in the robe’s warmth and waited. I felt awkward being alone in his place. I didn’t want him to think I was snooping, so with that in mind, I walked over to the window and gazed out into the darkness. I began to replay the evening, wondering if we’d just made another mistake. My head was telling me we should have talked first, but my heart was doing a happy dance. Confusion swiftly became my only thought as I heard a clattering coming from the bathroom. I turned, looking at the door when Jonah exited. His smile, and the way his blue eyes focused on me, calmed my anxiety. He had wrapped a towel around his waist and had dried off his hair. He looked disheveled and incredibly sexy. My body made instant demands.

It wanted Jonah again. “Want to grab a towel to dry your hair. I’ll make some coffee?” I nodded, walking to the bathroom, and smiling when he ran a solitary finger down my cheek and along my jaw. My heart was pounding from his touch. As I walked into the bathroom, I pondered how different he seemed. He had been so quiet and reserved at the mailboxes. Tonight he was like a different man. I came to the conclusion that it must have something to do with playing the club. An adrenaline rush of sorts from doing something he enjoys. I closed the door, taking in my appearance in the mirror. I whimpered inwardly. How on earth could Jonah find what was reflected back attractive? My hair was clinging to my head because it was so wet. The water had turned it at least four shades darker. It was now more auburn than red. My cheeks were rosy pink from the cold, and my lips still swollen due to his heated kisses. Jonah wasn’t the only one working the disheveled look.

I reached for a towel and began rubbing at my hair, making it worse than before. I decided I needed to pin it back and checked his counter top for something I could use. I was muttering to myself, certain an elastic band would do, however I came up empty-handed. There was only one other place to look in the bathroom, so trying to be as quiet as I could, I opened the wall cabinet. I hated the fact that I felt like I had invaded his privacy, and dread flooded my system the moment my eyes rested on what was inside.

My blood ran cold as I took in the two rows filled with little orange containers. Lots of them. Each one contained pills. Why would anyone need this much? Did anyone need this much? My heart was pounding; my whole body developed a light sweat as I reached out to pick up a bottle. The names of some of the medications meant nothing to me, while others were familiar. They were sleeping pills and strong painkillers. It was futile even trying to understand what they were all for. The name of the patient they’d been prescribed for was unfamiliar. Benjamin Samuels. Why did Jonah have this Ben person’s medications? I didn’t understand this. I’d gone from euphoric sex

–amazing, euphoric sex with Jonah, to utter confusion. I tried to calm myself, to look at this logically, but no matter how I tried to spin it, this came down to one thing. Jonah had medication that wasn’t his. Each of the containers in the cabinet had been opened, so Jonah or someone else had actually used them. The dates that the prescriptions had been filed were all relatively recent. He used drugs that weren’t meant for him. I stared at the name on the bottle again; the letters blurring as my eyes filled with tears. These didn’t belong to Jonah, nor did any of the other containers of medication. What the hell was going on? My body began to shake, as my head started to connect the dots in a random sequence of events. It listed each time Jonah had been unnaturally assertive, those occasions when he just didn’t seem like the Jonah I’d grown used to. Tonight brought the dots full circle, because he’d been unusually erratic and hadn’t tried to explain it. I’d even asked him if he was high!

I should have known. I did know. Something was different. Jonah had been affectionate, demanding, and yet, it had been a complete contrast to the previous time we’d had sex. This time it was about urgency, heat, and desire, whereas before it had felt comforting and sensual. I wasn’t a child, I was well aware that the night of the attack I’d needed that kind of soothing, but for months he’d been a quiet enigma, and I didn’t see how it was possible for him to change so much after one night on his couch. I slumped onto the seat of the toilet, holding two containers in my trembling hands and battling to keep my tears from falling. There had to be a reason Jonah had so much medication in another person’s name. Maybe I was just being overly dramatic; the rooftop sex killed off the brain cells that dealt with logic. “Stop blubbering and think, Elle,” I berated myself. I shivered, pulling Jonah’s robe tighter around me. The robe couldn’t keep out the chill that had settled in my bones around the time the dread did. I could smell him all around me, and it only made my emotions more tumultuous. My heart stopped beating when he tapped on the door.

“Elle, are you okay? Do you need anything?” “Um, I...I’m fine. I’ll be out in a minute,” I squeaked. “Hot chocolate or coffee?” I stammered, still not giving him an answer, until eventually he said he’d make both and left me alone. I stood, placing one of the containers back into the cabinet, but pushing the other one into the pocket of the robe. I was going to confront him. It was my only option. I clenched the bottle in the pocket of the robe and stepped out into the apartment. Jonah had switched on a couple of low lights, giving the room a warm glow. “Hey,” Jonah said, placing a steaming mug onto the kitchen counter. “Decided what you want yet?” I shook my head, inching closer. I opened my mouth twice with the intention of speaking, yet the words seemed lodged in my throat. He eyed me, pushing his still wet hair away from his forehead. I skimmed over his body, noticing that he’d replaced the towel with a pair of sweats. I was thankful that he was no longer half naked, because I

knew my determination would’ve crumbled had he not clothed himself. “What’s wrong, Red?” That was my cue. He was giving me a way in, so with my hands still shaking I pulled the meds from my pocket and placed them next to the mug on the counter. I watched his throat constrict as he swallowed. “I wouldn’t have thought snooping was your style,” he replied coolly, not quite meeting my gaze. “I wasn’t snooping. I was trying to find something to tie my hair back. It’s wet.” “You could have just shouted out.” The warmth had left his blue eyes, and now I was greeted with detachment. It was as if he was seeing someone else; not me, and that hurt more than I was willing to admit. Jonah Quinn had started to mean something to me, and this scared me far too much.

“Are you expecting an explanation?” He rounded the counter and sat down on the couch; the couch where we’d been intimate. Pain sliced through me; it hurt to look at it, hurt to look at Jonah. “Don’t I deserve one?” My voice was quiet and feeble, and I debated walking out, as he spoke again. “In truth, that depends on what you’re expecting.” “Are they illegal?” He shook his head, making his dark, almost black hair flop forward. I didn’t know if he was in denial. He rested his elbows on his thighs and stared down at his hands. My stomach began to roll with nerves. Why wasn’t he denying it? The longer he remained silent, the sicker I felt. “They’re in the correct containers, Elle. Why would you assume they’re illegal?” “They aren’t in your name. They belong to

someone else,” I accused. “Do they?” He finally looked up at me, raising a brow, waiting. I couldn’t look him in the eyes, they were like sharp shards of ice, piercing into my very soul. Instead, I focused on the ink that decorated his flesh. I gritted my teeth and tried to calm down. His avoidance was starting to anger me. “Well of course it’s not your name! What kind of reply is that?” “Why don’t you do a little more snooping? Maybe you’ll find your answer.” “Hey!” I raised my voice, unable to control my annoyance. “Why don’t you feel I deserve an answer? All I want to know is what these are; whose these are! I thought there might be a reasonable explanation, but the more you avoid the question, the more I start to wonder what you’re hiding.” “Why are those pills any of your business?”

I slumped to sit on the edge of the coffee table. “I can’t believe you just said that. I thought, well, I guess it doesn’t matter what I thought, huh? This clearly isn’t what I thought it could be. So you don’t care if I leave here thinking you’re a thief and an addict? Nice, Jonah. Real nice.” “You’re leaving?” I waited, not wanting to go, but as the silence stretched, he still didn’t respond. I knew I had no choice. I stood up, handing the bottle of meds over to him. When he didn’t take them, I tossed them onto the table anyway. I gathered my wet clothes from the floor as slowly as possible, hoping he would stop me. He said nothing else, only let out an exasperated sigh. Was this it? And if it was, why did I feel this way? Jonah was either all of those horrid things that were currently racing through my head, or he didn’t trust me with the truth. Either scenario didn’t sit well with me, so I walked to the door and turned the handle to open it, my wet clothes

in hand. “The meds aren’t illegal,” he uttered. “They’re mine.” “Are you saying that in the hope that I’ll stay? Because to be honest, Jonah, I feel used right now. I wasn’t spying on you or raiding your medicine cabinet. All you had to do is tell me something, anything, but you didn’t. You turned it on me, as if I was the one that was out of line.” “I’ve told you that they’re mine,” he replied, sadness lacing his tone. “Too late. I’ve reluctantly shared myself with you and twice you’ve stomped all over me and fucked it up. I understand that you’re a private person. I thought you were shy, but it seems right now like you just weren’t under the influence. I can’t do this, Jonah. I won’t do this.” “Red, I...” He dropped his head so all I heard was a whispered apology. I held myself together until I got to my apartment, crumbling as I made it through the door. I dropped to the

floor, tears falling, sobs wracking my chest. Meow padded across toward me, purring and nuzzling my tear stained cheek. I felt used and utterly confused. He’d said the meds were his, but how was that possible? The name on the label was clear. I sobbed harder, realizing I’d allowed him to lie and use me. I’d let my attraction to him blind me, and that made me the biggest kind of fool. I was one huge emotional mess. For the first time since moving here, I considered going home. My mom would make me feel better. A slice of her homemade chocolate cake, along with a hug and a chat, was just what I needed. Thinking of her and home only made matters worse, and my crying was on the verge of hysterical. I knew I needed to calm down. I felt stupid and out of control, but every movement I made sent a new wave of Jonah’s smell in my direction because I was wearing his damn robe. Anger made my blood boil, as I pulled the robe from my body, disgusted. I flung it across the room, needing to get his smell off my skin, and stumbled to the bathroom. I turned the water as hot it as it could go. I scrubbed but knew I wouldn’t rid myself of him. Jonah Quinn had wriggled his way into my heart.

I just wanted to be numb, to not feel any of this. I sat on the tiled shower floor, wrapped my arms around my legs, and focused on the water as it cascaded down my spine. Jonah wouldn’t go away because he was inside of me now. I had lost a piece of my heart to him, and as much as I’d like to be able to draw a line under what had happened between us, I couldn’t. I willed the memory of him out of my mind, but he’d already claimed a piece of me. The sadness in his voice, as he declared the pills his, haunted me. Why would he lie when the name on the label clearly wasn’t his? The water had begun to cool when I heard the first bang from upstairs. It made me jump in shock. The next noise was much louder, followed by shattering glass. I switched off the water and climbed out of the shower, wrapping a towel around my body. As I moved into the living area of my apartment, the sounds became much more violent. Jonah. The noises continued one after another. I grew concerned when I heard a roar so fierce it made me cringe in terror. Seconds later glass shattered, and Jonah’s guitar fell past my window, down to the street below us. I gasped

as I ran to the window. By the time I looked out, it was obviously far too late. His guitar was shards of wood and metal across the alley. Had my rejection affected him that much? The noises eventually evened out before stopping all together. I wanted to go to him. Before I could stop myself I was dressing quickly in leggings and a T-shirt. I cursed myself stupid as I slipped my feet into flip-flops and grabbed my keys, heading to find Jonah. Mrs. Kindle was opening her front door as I closed mine. “Did you hear that, Elle? What do you think is happening up there?” I smiled at her in an attempt to soothe her. She was a sweet woman, so I didn’t want her concerned with what was going on with Jonah and me. “I don’t know, Mrs. Kindle. I’m going to go and see now. Could you watch Meow for me? It sounded like glass was breaking. I wouldn’t want him to slash a paw.” “Of course, dear, but you need to be careful. You

hear me? It didn’t sound like he was drinking tea with friends.” That was the first time it struck me that he may not be alone. What if the person that sold him the medication had arrived, and was causing trouble? Mrs. Kindle touched my arm. “Are you okay? You look very pale. We could call the police, maybe you should stay here?” “It’ll be fine. You just look after Meow, and I’ll be back down as soon as I can,” I responded, trying to stop my voice from shaking. She needed to think I was all right with this, when really I was petrified about what I might find. She nodded but didn’t go back into her apartment. I took the stairs two at a time as I made my way to his apartment. Once I made it to his door, I noticed it was partially open. I pushed it open further, gulping as I tried to focus on the dark room. The place was trashed.

Jonah’s drawing station had been pushed on its side across the floor, paints and pencils scattered along with the shards of glass. The couch had been upturned, along with the dining table and chairs. My feet crunched on the broken glass as I entered and looked around. There were no lights on, but I could still see that there wasn’t a piece of furniture left in its previous location. “Jonah?” I called out, my voice trembling. The only response was a small whimper. He was somewhere in this carnage. My heart pounded, concerned that he may be hurt. I began frantically searching for him, checking behind every piece of overturned furniture. I knew he was here alone; I felt it and was determined to find him. As I called out to him again, I saw movement from the corner of my eye. Jonah was in the fetal position on the floor. Still clad in only his sweat pants. The light from the broken window spilled across his torso, making the figure that was tattooed on his side appear sinister. He was shivering, his whole body quaking from the tremors. I rushed to him without giving my feelings another thought.

“Jonah? Jonah, baby, what happened?” I tentatively reached out, touching his cold skin. He began to mumble. I couldn’t decipher exactly what it was that he was trying to tell me. I knelt beside him; the glass biting into my flesh. I realized Jonah must be lying on it, though he seemed unaware. “Can you move? Please, let me help you onto a chair.” He mumbled again, and I brought my ear to his lips, whispering for him to tell me. His breath fanned my cheek, warming me, and confirming he was relatively okay. His words were of no significance, at least I’d thought not, until he uttered the name that was on the canisters of medication. “What?” I questioned, not quite believing my own ears. “Me. It’s me,” he gasped. “Benjamin Samuels is me.”

He was lost. Lost in his own head where something was hurting him and causing him pain. I didn’t believe that my rejection had caused this. I only wanted to help; I just didn’t know how to. I felt useless, I couldn’t leave him shaking and bleeding on the floor. He needed someone. He needed me. “Jonah, what do you mean?” His chest heaved as he tried to breathe, but he was struggling. It scared me. “Ben,” he gasped. “I’m Ben.” I stared at him in complete confusion. He needed to calm down. I needed to calm down.

I shushed him, sweeping my hand across his cold, inked torso. I could feel the goose bumps as they skittered across his flesh along with each tremor that wracked his body. “We can talk about that later. Let me try to help you up. You need to get warm and calm down.” “L-Leave me...” “Oh, Jonah, I can’t do that,” I replied with sadness. I smoothed his still damp hair away from where it was obscuring his eyes, but noticed he wasn’t looking at me. His eyes were fixed on the floor. I needed to get him up, needed to look at what he’d done to himself. The little voice inside my head shouted to get help; to call someone else. Who would I call though? I knew nothing of Jonah’s family, so I pushed the voice aside and went to him. At first he resisted, turning away from my touch, but my persistence paid off. He leaned against me, making me almost topple as he rested his weight onto my body. He grunted, wobbling when we began to walk across to the

only stool left standing. I helped him move to it, noting his blue-tinged lips and shallow breaths. I swallowed my nerves and continued to help him. “Just a few more steps, Jonah,” I assured him, gesturing to the small stool near the breakfast nook. He nodded, moving at a snail’s pace but not giving up. Moisture pooled around my fingertips. I couldn’t see if it was his cold sweat or blood left from the cuts he’d received from the shattered glass, so I tried not to think about it. After a few more minutes, and a little jostling, he was perched precariously on the stool. His chest was heaving. His breaths were nothing more than gasps now. I fought to keep my own panic at bay, but I knew I wouldn’t last much long. “Jonah, I need to know how to help you. What can I do?” His reply was a wisp of words caught on the end of a short exhale, “Pills.” My chest tightened. He wanted me to give him the drugs that weren’t his. I tried to reason that he’d told me

they were, but the prescription didn’t lie. It was there in black and white. I was at war with myself. This could only be resolved once he explained himself. If I gave him the medication, I was contributing to his problem. If I didn’t give it to him, he would continue to suffer. I had to give him the medication. “I don’t know which ones?” Jonah tried to whisper the name, but I didn’t understand any of it; so with my own anxiety rising, I raced to the bathroom and stared at the orange canisters in the cabinet on the wall. My hands were trembling as I chose some at random and rushed back to him. I held them out, hoping he could see which one it was in the minimal light. He pointed to one of the canisters, and my alarm began to recede. I popped a pill from the blister packet and went to get him a glass of water. I winced when a sharp piece of debris cut through my flip flop as my feet crunched across the floor. I didn’t know how long it would be for the medication to start to work but knew he needed to regulate his breathing. I rifled through his kitchen until I found a paper lunch bag. For the next thirty minutes I made Jonah inhale and exhale into it as he looked me in the eyes and matched my own breathes. The paper bag crinkled with each

labored breath he took and I stroked his hair until he seemed to calm down. “I’m okay,” he eventually rasped, lowering the bag from his lips. I sat motionless. “Thank you. You can go now,” he continued, his voice cutting. “I’m not leaving. First of all, you shouldn’t be alone in this mess. And I’d like to talk to you. I need some answers Jonah.” He grumbled, his body shuddering when I finally moved my hand from his hair. He tried to stand but swayed. When I reached out to help, he rejected me. “What?” I cried, my fists clenching at his rebuff. “I’m trying to help you!” I noticed the color was starting to return to his cheeks, but averted my gaze when he glared menacingly at

me. “You didn’t need to stay, but again, thank you. I would have dealt with it on my own.” He lowered his voice, muttering, “I usually do.” “You have these cravings often then?” “Cravings?” He snapped. “You’re kidding me, right? You think I was jonesing for drugs? I told you those meds were mine. I’m not a fucking addict.” I really didn’t want to argue with him. He still looked weak and could barely stand, so pressuring him wasn’t the best idea; but I wanted answers. I sighed in defeat and walked over to the overturned couch. “I’m going to clean up this mess, then I think I should take a look at those cuts on your body. I still want to know what happened and what the hell I just gave you. However, I’m going to set it aside for now.” “Well, isn’t that kind of you?” His reply oozed sarcasm.

“You know what, Jonah? You get so defensive when all I’m trying to do is be your friend. It sure as hell doesn’t seem like you have many if you are going through this kind of thing alone.” He hung his head, his dark hair flopping forward and exposing the back of his neck. Even now, in the midst of all this turmoil his body called to me. I looked away. The silence was deafening. As I began to clear the wreckage, Jonah tried to help. He struggled with even the lightest of furniture, the exertion exhausting him. I would catch him looking at me; sometimes his eyes were guarded, other times I swear I caught a hint of longing. I berated myself as I swept up the shards of glass. I should have known something would go wrong with this. I’d jumped in feet first, because the hot neighbor at the mailboxes showed me a little attention, and now I’m swimming in a sea of what the hell. Jonah interrupted my mental chastisement by clearing his throat. I met his intense blue stare as he scratched the back of his neck and waited. “Thanks,” he whispered.

It was apparent he didn’t want me here, didn’t want me seeing him when he was vulnerable. Maybe all we had was incredible sex. I’d tried not to consider it as anything more, but I couldn’t help myself. “I know you don’t want me here. I promise to leave, but I need to clean those cuts. Okay?” “You don’t need to do that, Red.” His voice was gruff. The use of the pet name he gave me, with that particular tone, did wonderful things to my insides. I could hide my reaction to him, but I couldn’t lie to myself. It was useless to fight the feelings he invoked. “I’ll feel better knowing you won’t bleed to death after I’ve gone home.” I shot him a small smile, desperate to lighten the mood. He eventually walked into the kitchen and handed me a bottle of peroxide, along with some small cotton balls. I pointed at the stool, making him sit down and lean over the counter so that it exposed the lacerations on his flesh.

“Oh, Jonah, some of these look deep. You might even need a few stitches.” “No. No, I won’t,” he shot back sternly, hissing as I began to cleanse the cuts. “Tell me what happened. Please?” I discarded a bloody cotton ball and dipped a fresh one into the peroxide. I felt him exhale against my fingertips when I pressed it against his ribs. He was silent for so long, I thought he was going to deny me again. However, he didn’t. “I have anxiety issues. I’ve learned to deal with them though. I haven’t had an attack in a while.” “So, I caused this?” “No, Elle, not you...never you.” I stilled. “What does that even mean?”

I pulled up a stool next to him, reaching out and taking his hands in mine. It encouraged me when he didn’t flinch or pull away. “It means this is me. This is why I live alone. This is why I should never have had sex with you,” he replied honestly. “I don’t understand.” “And it’s better that you don’t.” “For who?” I snapped back. “You? Me? Us? I don’t see how.” He shook his head, finally tugging his hands away from mine and walking across the room. He groaned in frustration before turning back to me. “I didn’t lie to you when I told you the medication was mine. It isn’t illegal. I really hate that you even considered that-” “I tried not to,” I interrupted.

“You didn’t. Anyway, I can’t tell you why I don’t use that name any longer. Even if I could it’s better that you don’t know.” “I’m sick of this cryptic shit! You keep saying it’s better this way, but how can it be if I know you’re up here having another attack with no one to care for you during them? I’m asking for friendship and an explanation. Maybe you’re right about the sex; we dived right in and gave it very little thought, but I’m never going to regret it, because I can’t. Jonah, I really can’t.” He slumped to the floor, leaning back against the kitchen cabinets. “The problem is I can’t either,” he whispered. “But that doesn’t mean this can be any more than friendship.” “And would that be so bad?” “It’s a mess, Red. A real fucking mess.” He sounded incredibly sad, so I moved to where

he sat on the floor. His eyes conveyed his caution, but he slumped in defeat. “We can’t do this...” he warned. “I don’t have the control.” “I don’t get it. The meds, the attacks, or why it’s best that we stay away from each other. I could be a good friend; I am a good friend.” He snorted, “And you still want to be this close to me after my little breakdown?” I nodded solemnly, ignoring his try at humor. I placed my hand on his forearm, and refusing to acknowledge the sparks that shot through my body. I had to stop this attraction to him, because right now, it seemed like he needed me to be his friend, not would be lover. I rested my head on his shoulder. He reciprocated moving his head on top of mine. “Your guitar is a lost cause I’m afraid.”

“Yeah, I kind of figured, though I regretted tossing it the second it slipped from my fingers. I wasn’t thinking.” “Why did you do it? What were you thinking?” I asked, trying to keep my tone light as I stroked his forearm. “I can’t talk about it. I told you that. I’m not being evasive on purpose-” “Okay, but can I say something?” I felt him move his head and took it as confirmation. “One day you’re going to want to confide in someone. I’m just letting you know that I’d like that person to be me.” He grumbled slightly, but I carried on. “You’re a friend. I’m not giving up on you.” “Why?” He murmured. “I told you why. Friends don’t give up on friends. I’m not going to stop trying.”

“You’re wasting your time on me, Elle.” I pulled away, staring at him and taking in his sullen expression. “I don’t believe that.” I reached out, trying to touch his face, but he batted at my hand and turned away from me. Sympathy clawed at my heart, but he’d made up his mind to reject me. Jonah confirmed that thought when he said, “Can you leave now? I need to be alone.” “Will you be all right?” I didn’t want to leave, but I understood he must feel embarrassed and exhausted after what had happened. I reasoned that I’d done everything I could right now. If I stayed any longer I’d just irritate him. “Your window?” I responded, pointing over to it as I stood up. The wind was making the drapes float eerily in the air, and there were still shards of glass stuck in the wood frame.

“Not your concern. Red, I won’t be sleeping now anyway. I’ll call the super later.” “He’ll go postal when he sees that.” “I’ll think of something, that’s if someone hasn’t already called him. Maybe that old woman across from you did the job for me?” “Mrs. Kindle is sweet. She wouldn’t do that.” “So stop fussing over me, then. I can take care of myself.” I opened my mouth, closing it almost right afterward. I needed to pick my battles, and this was one that could ride for the time being. I’d go back to my apartment, but I would be back tomorrow. I just couldn’t leave him now. I couldn’t forget what we’d shared. My body still buzzed with desire whenever he was near, but if friendship was all we could have, then I would accept it. I couldn’t imagine going back to the

awkward conversations next to the mailboxes. We were beyond that, weren’t we? “I’ll give you my cell number,” I said, diverting over to the small whiteboard on the wall next to his drawing station, scribbling my number on it. “Will you call me if you need someone?” “Elle...” he warned, herding me toward the door. “Okay, I get it, but I’m not leaving it here, you know that right? I’ll be back later.” “Elle...” he repeated, but I cut him off. I stepped close to him, cupping his cheek with my hand and looking directly into his blue eyes. “I will work out the enigma that is Jonah Quinn. You can’t hide forever.” I didn’t listen to his protests, simply kissed him on his lips and left his apartment. I didn’t want to see the denial as it contorted his features and tried as best I could to

focus. I needed a plan, a way in, because I was not about to let him get away. Something inside was screaming at me to save him, and it couldn’t be overlooked. I could see for myself that he needed someone; I would be that person. So with my mind made up, I went back to my apartment, knowing I wouldn’t sleep. I had a name and a medication or two to Google.

I tried to sleep, but having been awake for more than twenty-four hours, I was now beyond tired. I tossed and turned, pushing and tugging my duvet every which way, all in the hope of getting comfy enough to soothe myself to sleep. It didn’t work. It was obvious comfort wasn’t my problem. Eventually, I gave up and climbed out of bed with a huge groan. I pulled on a large, slashed neck sweatshirt and some shorts, before meandering into the kitchen to brew some coffee. It was days like this that I was glad my job wasn’t your typical nine to five. Today would have been a sick day. Meow followed, jumping up onto the kitchen counter and purring. He glared at me, waiting until I paid attention to him.

“Feeling left out, Puss?” His tail flicked in answer as he nudged my hand with his head. “You’ll have to wait. Coffee comes first.” He continued to purr and rub himself along my arm as I poured the ground beans into the coffeemaker. I grabbed a mug from the shelf and placed it onto the counter, flicking through a magazine while I waited for my coffee to brew. The world would seem a much better place when I was caffeinated. When I heard the spluttering of the machine, I sighed, thankful it was done. As I began to pouring it, my phone rang. I wasn’t in the mood to talk to anyone, but answered it anyway. “Where the hell have you been?” “Good afternoon to you too, J.J.” I moved into the living room, slumping onto the couch, after placing my hot coffee onto the small table.

“I’ve been worried!” I rolled my eyes, pleased that she couldn’t see me. “Eli and I came back into the bar, but some friend of Jonah’s said you’d both gone. I’ve been trying to call you since midnight.” “Well, now you have me. Calm down. I’m fine.” “So how did it go? Did you guys make up?” I exhaled deeply into the receiver, then I told her about the roof, the rain, and the amazing time I’d had with him up there. She’d wanted to know everything, but I grew quiet, not sure if I wanted to share the events of his breakdown with her. My need for reassurance outweighed anything else, and I began to tell her the truth of the aftermath. “Elle, he doesn’t seem too stable. You should really leave him alone.” “Thanks for the concern,” I replied drolly. “However, I thought you liked a good mystery.” “On TV, sure, but the reality is rather different.

What do you know about this guy, other than the fact that he knows how to get you off? Oh, and that he’s rather temperamental.” “J.J...” “No, Elle,” she interrupted. “It worries me that this guy wrecked his apartment while high, on Lord knows what, and then gets you to care for him while he’s coming down. I think you need to tell him to leave you alone.” “I can’t,” I said, my voice quiet as I hugged my knees to my chest. “Figures. You always loved a good sob story. Can you at least promise me one thing?” “Yes?” “That you’ll be careful? And I’m not just talking condoms, okay?” There was a slight lift to her pitch, and I knew she was backing down. She was a good friend. She was only

concerned. I’d feel the same about her if the roles were reversed. J.J. was just somewhat more assertive with her opinions than I was. “I will. I’ll call you later. I want to check out a couple of those meds that Jonah had in the medicine cabinet.” “You do realize that he could have just involved you in his scam, right?” I frowned even though she couldn’t see me. I had considered that, but then, I hadn’t told her about the possibility that Jonah wasn’t actually Jonah. If I’d confessed that piece of information, she would have been relentless in her search for the truth. “I’m positive it’s not like that, J.J. The pills were prescription. I’m sure he’ll tell me in time.” “So his impression of a wrecking ball didn’t put you off?” “Maybe I’ll wish it did, but right now I think he needs a friend,” I answered.

“Friends don’t have sex, Elle.” “Thanks for pointing that out,” I sneered. “And on that note, I’m hanging up.” “I’m on a job tomorrow, some new designer. Catwalk, blah, blah, but call me of you need me.” I settled for a short goodbye and ended the call. I rested my chin on top of my knees and gazed around the room. I’d never really felt lonely here, but right now every bone in my body ached with it. I didn’t understand It. Maybe it was the longing for a connection; a connection like I thought Jonah and I had, or maybe I was finally homesick. I’d become complacent after the months passed and homesickness never hit me. Perhaps now I was paying the price. I moved to pick my cell back up, intending to call my Mom. I just wanted to hear her voice, but the noises coming from Jonah’s apartment stopped me. My heart reacted to the sounds, giving a double beat in recognition. I listened to the creaking and heavy footfall, anticipating another rampage, but the sounds never grew any louder. It seemed as if furniture was being pushed around. I

wondered what he was moving. I turned all the furniture upright before I’d left, moving them into the spaces I could remember them being in before, but it appeared I’d gotten it wrong. I tried to convince myself that he was just placing his belongings back in their correct places. Regardless, I couldn’t get rid of the uneasy feeling I had about his current state of mind. Meow pounced, jumping onto the couch next to me and glared in my direction. “I’m not going,” I denied as if he’d spoken. He continued to stare at me. “No.” When he nudged my hand with his nose, I picked him up, feeling his purr rumbled through his lithe body. I lifted him, his face in front of mine, his body sagging like a rag doll. “I won’t. Jonah needs to be left alone.”

He meowed. It was the cat equivalent of “Go!” Or at least that was what I was telling myself as I pushed my feet into a pair of flip flops and grabbed my keys. I closed the door and walked to the stairwell. I was up the first flight when I realized I still had Meow tucked against my side. “What am I doing, Puss?” I asked, mocking myself for talking to my cat, and yet continuing to climb the stairs to Jonah’s floor. I exited the stairwell and walked up to his front door. My heart was beating so fiercely that I could feel my pulse throbbing at my wrists and neck. My mouth was dry, and my hand trembled as I reached up to knock on the wood. A curse came from inside, before the door inched open. His blue eyes pierced mine, aggressive for a fleeting second, and then softening once he recognized it was me. The sides of his mouth lifted in a small smile, easing my anxiety a little. “Hi,” I grinned nervously. “Um, hey.”

He pushed the door all the way open, stepping back to allow me entrance into the apartment. He looked like I felt: exhausted. I had to force myself not to reach out and touch him. Glancing around the room, I could see he’d pushed the pieces of furniture back in their places and had started tossing the broken or damaged items out onto the fire escape. His black wife-beater was soiled with streaks of dust and dirt, and his hair was sticking up in random spikes where he’d pushed his fingers through it. I fought the need to smooth it. “Meow wanted to see how you were,” I blurted out, comprehending how lame I sounded. “Meow did?” “Sure,” I replied, deciding to go with it I already looked somewhat foolish. I was rewarded with a low, throaty chuckle, before he reached out and stroked the cats head. “Well, buddy, I’m doing just fine. Though I appreciate the thought...and the visit.”

With each sweep of his hand across Meows head, his fingertips skimmed my arm. I didn’t need to look at the skin to know it had broken out in goose bumps. It was taking every ounce of strength I had not to move closer to him. “Are you really feeling better?” Jonah gestured for me to take a seat on the couch. I perched on the edge, setting Meow on the floor. We both watched him as he padded around, sniffing the air and rubbing his back against the furniture. “I should really be asking about you,” he rasped. “I think I scared you.” “You did, but I’d rather hear how you are than discuss what I’m feeling.” “Funny,” he snorted. “Because I feel the very same way, but I know I’ve got to give you something. You must be very confused.” I nodded, wishing I hadn’t set Meow down. I needed something to distract me. Petting Meow would

have done that. Jonah appeared calmer than I thought he would be. I assumed he’d be on edge, or at least cautious about me arriving here, but he looked just like he had most mornings by the mailboxes. Shy and incredibly attractive. “Do you trust me, Jonah?” I questioned. “I don’t trust anyone,” he answered. I appreciated his honesty, but the declaration sent a chill down my spine. What had happened to him to cause such caution and doubt? I briefly considered that J.J. could be right; that I should be running in the other direction. Instead, I moved to sit next to him. He gripped my hand tight and gave me a slight smile. “You can trust me. I know telling you that isn’t really confirmation, but you’ll see.” He didn’t deny that. It was like a silent plea for me to continue. Jonah needed me, even if it was only for friendship. He wouldn’t open up though, I couldn’t do this

alone. “I could have Googled those meds, you know, but I didn’t. Do you know why?” “Because it was obvious what they were for?” He snapped. I wasn’t shocked. That was how this man functioned. Whenever I got too close he erected a wall of anger, however this time I wasn’t buying it. So I remained silent, and raised my brows in response, waiting for him to back down and give me a proper answer. He exhaled, tracing a pattern onto the back of my hand with the tip of his finger before giving in. “You want me to tell you what they are for, and why I need them. I know that, Elle. You’re the first person I’ve ever considered doing that with. It’s just going to take time. I hate the fact that I’m basically asking you to prove yourself before I can confess my sins.” “Sins?” “Nothing illegal. Don’t panic,” he laughed, relaxing

the mood in the room. “Thanks again for taking care of me.” “Stop thanking me, Jonah. I wouldn’t have left you.” He closed his eyes for a moment, and took a sharp breath, mustering the courage to speak to me. “I stopped using my real name when I was seventeen. I had to leave my family and haven’t ever been back. I’m Jonah now – have been for a long while, and that’s the way I liked it. Until I saw you.” My mouth fell open, but I couldn’t find the words. “The first time I saw you, you were standing at the mailboxes, still breathless from your run. The skin on your face and chest was pink. Your hair was falling out of its tie. I was stunned and stopped just to stare at you.” “When?” “I could tell you the date, but I doubt it’s of any significance to you. Just know that you stopped me in my

tracks, and I’ve been mixed up since then. You’ve distracted me for some time. I used to wait until I could see you coming back from your run before I’d go down to collect my mail. In fact, thinking about it now makes me seem somewhat creepy.” “No more than me. You know I used to wait down there? I’d do stretches until you showed up,” I responded sheepishly. Jonah chuckled, surprising me when he brought our joined hands to his lips and kissed my knuckles. He looked at me, waiting for my reaction, but all I could do was grin. Whenever our eyes met everything else disappeared. We had no past, no baggage, it was just us. “I guess this is the start of something.” “I guess so.” He leaned in and kissed my knuckles again, escalating my blood pressure and causing my voice to lower to a sultry whisper. “You really left home at seventeen? That’s

amazing to me. I was petrified coming here. My Mom still begs me to come home. Wow, did you really wait for me?” “Yes, Elle, you captivated me,” he exhaled. “I’m going to try and explain it all to you, but it could take me some time. I have no right to ask you to enter into something that you know nothing about, but I hope you want to. I’ve never had an experience like I had with you on the roof. I don’t mean the sex, Red, I mean just being with you and feeling so free. I had no worries.” “I can’t make it all go away,” I urged. “I know. I really do, but for once, I feel positive.” I retreated a bit, removing my hands from his and tried not to let his hurt expression get to me. We needed to talk about this. Honesty was the only option. I wasn’t the kind of person that could start something and not be completely on board. “You’re putting a lot on me already. Do you see that?”

“I’m trying not to. I’m trying to make it clear that there are parts to me that will take time for me to reveal, but I’ve only ever wanted to explain them to you. No one else.” I took a moment, needing to regroup and consider every aspect of this, but I only kept coming back to one thing, one person. Jonah. I liked him, I felt drawn to him and couldn’t imagine going back to a time before him. “Can we go back a little? Just be friends and see where it leads us? Maybe then you’ll see I can be trusted with whatever haunts you.” He cringed, but reached out for my hand again. He linked his pinkie into mine, and my heart melted. It was cute, like a teenager with their crush. I was powerless. “Want to go on a date, Red?” I grinned. “As long as it’s not to one of your gigs, yes.” He enveloped me in a hug that threatened to cut off my air supply. His vulnerability surrounded me, bringing tears to my eyes, as he whispered thanks into my ear and

clung tighter. “Dinner? Or...Tell you what, you just get dressed up. I’ll surprise you.” He looked so happy, and even though I was smiling, I clarified, “We have a long way to go, Jonah. A hug, kiss, and a dinner date doesn’t make a friendship. Truth and honesty do.” He nodded, and picked up Meow. “They say cats are good judges of character, right? Well, Meow here likes me. He’s virtually been living up here for the past month. So, I can’t be all that bad, can I?” “He just goes wherever there’s food,” I chuckled. “He loves my neighbor, Mrs. Kindle because she’s always feeding him,” I tried to reason, but knew my argument was as weak as his. “So...” he stammered. “Did you really come here to see how I was?” “Yes. I wanted to look at those cuts on your side.

You should have had sutures.” Jonah brushed my comment off with a wave of his hand but tugged up his wifebeater anyway. I hissed at the sight of the raw, shredded skin. “I’ll get some more peroxide. I think you’ll have to be really careful if you’re not going to see a doctor.” “Yes, nurse,” he teased as he stood up and walked into the kitchen. “Your bedside manner leaves a lot to be desired.” I giggled as I waited for him to return to clean the cuts again. Our conversation remained light, avoiding the obvious. I was determined to know more, though. He wouldn’t be able to evade this conversation we needed to have, forever. When he was ready to let his guard down, I’d be there to prove that he could trust me. No matter what he had to hide.

I spent the whole day fretting about our date. I tried to work; I had deadlines to meet, but I couldn’t concentrate. My head was swimming with thoughts of Jonah. I’d opened another window on my browser, intending to look up the meds or perhaps his given name, but I wanted him to explain everything to me. I wanted him to trust me enough to divulge his past. He was hiding from something, maybe someone, that much was obvious. I understood his reluctance to share such personal information with someone he didn’t know very well. We had, without a doubt, gone about this relationship backwards. It was time to return to the beginning and allow a slow, natural progression. Then we could build something, because right now I wasn’t sure what we were. I growled in frustration and pushed my chair away from my desk. My eyes were dry and itchy from staring at

the monitor, so I slipped on my glasses and padded into the kitchen. I poured a cup of coffee and looked up at the ceiling when I heard footsteps. Jonah was home. I hadn’t talked to him about our date, so all I knew was what he’d told me last night – to dress up. I tried not to think about it, because I didn’t want to get excited then have him let me down. That left me here, an hour before he was due to arrive, still unwashed and wearing the oldest clothes I owned. I couldn’t ignore it anymore; Jonah wasn’t calling this off. “Looks like I’m going out tonight, Meow.” When he fixed his beady green gaze on me. I knew exactly what he wanted. I reached up and retrieved some kibble from the shelf, pouring it into his bowl. His purring grew louder as he began to gnaw on the chunks. I left him in peace to finish his food, deciding to take a shower. I indulged myself, using my expensive, perfumed body wash then the matching body lotion once I dried

myself. I wrapped a towel around my head to encase my wet hair. I needed to find something suitable to wear. Jonah asked me to dress up, but hadn’t told me where we were going, so I didn’t know what would be suitable. I browsed my closet trying to figure out whether to go casual or sexy, when I spotted a black dress that I’d purchased a few months ago. I couldn’t go wrong with a classic, right? I took my time styling my hair, and applying my makeup, before trying deciding on some underwear. I kept telling myself that Jonah was not going to see it but chose a lacy black thong and demi-cup bra anyway. I shivered as the fabric skimmed my skin. The friction reminding me of the last time Jonah’s hands were on my body. I let out a resounding groan. I couldn’t keep doing this to myself. Regardless the bond we shared, I didn’t know enough about him. The drugs were a major issue that had to be addressed. The apparent name change, from Benjamin Samuels to Jonah Quinn, had me perplexed. I tried to reason that it wasn’t unheard of for people to change their names; perhaps he didn’t like the one his parents gave him. I couldn’t help but snigger at the internal war my heart and mind were waging on one another over the beautiful man upstairs.

My thoughts were interrupted by a knock at the door. He was here. Butterflies began to dance in my stomach. I fumbled with the zipper on my dress as I tried to fasten it in a hurry. I raced across the living room, my bare feet slapping on the wood floor, reminding me I’d yet to decide on shoes. However, all coherent thoughts disappeared when I opened the door and looked at the man before me. He was dressed in a fitted, white, button-down that showed a hint of the black ink it covered. His pants were tailored and seemed to have been made for him alone. I silently prayed that I’d get a good glimpse of his ass in them before the night was over. “Hi,” he grinned, his face lighting up. My mouth hung open. I tried to speak, but my brain was stuck on “Wow”. Jonah moved to rest his forearm on the door frame, cocking a brow at me. It was as if he was taking pleasure from my turbulence, but then hadn’t I done the same thing to him just weeks earlier?

When I didn’t speak he filled the silence, “You’ll be needing shoes.” “Pardon?” I blinked, trying to force my head back out of the clouds. “Shoes, Red. You place them on your feet. They are functional as well as pretty.” “Oh!” I replied sounding dumb, even to my own ears. “Where are we going?” His smile widened as he tried to take a step inside. I backed up, allowing him in, and checked my appearance in the mirror near the door. At least that was the excuse I used, I was actually checking out his ass. “I told you it was a surprise.” “I know but we’re going on the date so you can tell me now,” I pointed out. His brows drew together as he thought before he

disclosed the location, “We’re going up to the roof.” “What?” I asked in surprise. “I’ve gotten dressed up like this to go up there? Are you kidding me?” My voice was becoming high pitched, and somewhat hysterical, but the moment he linked his pinkie in mine I calmed. He gave my pinkie a small squeeze, and lowered his head, kissing my nose. I didn’t understand why I was getting so irritated. “Just trust me. You’ll like it,” he uttered, inciting those stomach butterflies again. “You’re always asking for my trust, Jonah.” “I know, but where I’m taking you on a date isn’t exactly on par with my past, is it?” “So it is your past that’s the issue,” I stated quickly, using his own words as an open door. It didn’t work. Jonah pulled away, leaning back against the small kitchen counter and bracing himself with

both hands. His knuckles were turning white from the force of his grip. I wanted to kick myself. “I shouldn’t have said that. Sorry,” I apologized, taking a step closer to him. Jonah shook his head. It was more in exasperation than in denial, and when I took hold of his shirt with both my hands he exhaled and lowered his forehead to mine. “Time is all I need, Red.” His words rumbled through his torso, making my fingers tingle. I wrapped my arms around his neck in a quick, tight hug. Keeping my tone light, I asked, “Is it raining?” “No,” he considered a second before he understood what I was referring to. His confidence faded the moment he remembered, and his gaze dropped from mine. That telltale blush was back. I cleared my throat, wanting to draw him out of his shy little bubble. “Will I need some heels, or can I just wear

my slippers?” “If by slippers you mean those huge pink monster feet over there, then I’m not sure.” His eyes were flashing with humor. Giggling, I rushed over to put them on. I heard him grumble, and when I turned around he was rolling his eyes. “You look strangely attractive right now. The bizarre combination of the tight dress and the furry slippers are working for me. I just wish I had a camera.” “To immortalize my shame?” “Something like that,” he chuckled, linking his hand in mine, then ushering me to the door. I wondered what he had in store for me as we walked up the stairs, out onto the roof. “Are you going to- Oh, Jonah!”

I gasped as I took in all he’d organized, not quite believing it. At the far side of the roof was a red sofa. It faced the newly painted, white wall of the building next door. It would be the focus of the evening because behind the couch was a projector. Jonah had set up our own private cinema. “Is this okay?” He questioned, his nerves coming through. “It’s amazing! Thank you.” I reached out for him, but he began to walk up to the couch, gesturing at the small table to the left. “We have candy, popcorn, and soda for our eating pleasure. Can I interest you in anything?” I smiled, asking for a soda, before taking my seat on the couch. I curled my legs around myself and settled in. “I should have told you to wear jeans,” Jonah sighed as he sat down next to me and handed me a can of soda. “I was being selfish. I wanted to see you dressed up.”

“Really?” He nodded, turning to face me, the wind ruffling his hair. “I saw you a few weeks ago in a dress. You were going out with your blonde friend. You looked stunning. You had this blue tutu thing on, and the strangest shoes I’ve ever seen, but I was mesmerized. I guess when I asked you on a date I should have taken you somewhere much more romantic, but I wanted...” He became quiet, his words drifting off. “Tell me,” I demanded softly, placing my hand on his knee, feeling his muscles tense. Jonah took a moment before whispering, “I wanted to be alone with you.” I melted. It was the sweetest thing I’d ever heard. Nathan had never been one for big declarations. A kiss in public from him would have been a miracle, so those words from Jonah were enough to garner my gratitude in the form

of a kiss to his cheek. I felt his skin flame as he coughed and switched the projector on. “What are we watching?” I asked, resting my head on his shoulder. He tapped my nose with his index finger, before hooking my pinkie with his. “You ask far too many questions, Miss Sampson. Just sit back, relax, and enjoy. I have no doubt at all that you’ll like it.” “Very sure of yourself, aren’t you?” “Shhh,” he breathed, the sound rumbling through his chest sent shivers down my spine. The movie started, and I could see Jonah was watching it avidly already. I was still amazed that he’d set all this up for me. It was unbelievable; something I would never forget. It was difficult to concentrate on the movie. My mind drifted to the memory of the last time we were on the rooftop as I tried not to snuggle too close to Jonah though every cell in my body urged me to move toward him. Right on cue, Jonah exhaled and dipped to nuzzle

the skin below my ear lobe He whispered a thanks, before placing a quick peck on the now ultra-sensitive skin then focusing back on the movie. The actors were dancing in the rain, embracing each other, which produced a moan of arousal from me as I recalled what Jonah and I had done. The sound must have made him uncomfortable, because he shifted quickly and picked up a packet of candy. When he sat back he was further away than before, but each time he placed a candy into his mouth his arm stroked mine. My skin tingled and thighs clenched as he brought a piece of the candy up to my lips. “Do you want one, Red?” He asked in such a seductive drawl, that I almost pounced on him. Instead, I nodded, locking my eyes with his and parting my lips. As he slipped the small treat into my mouth, I licked my lips, brushing his fingertips with my tongue. His eyes darkened as a result of my gesture. In an effort to tease him a bit more, I licked it again. I knew I was potentially playing with fire, but we were explosive in the bedroom; and my body craved more. Jonah did things to me no man had ever done. I was about to beg for him to kiss me when he said, “You look so beautiful. I didn’t tell you, and I should have.”

“Even my monster slippers?” He grinned, flashing his dimples at me and nodded. “Yeah, even those. Although, I would ask you not to wear them next time.” I cocked a brow, the side of my mouth quirking in a smirk. “Next time?” “Kiss me, Red,” he breathed, his hands lifting to cup my face. He didn’t have to ask me twice. As the movie continued to play across the wall, I became lost in his affection. We kissed, touched, and caressed. It was slow and sensual, never becoming more than a simmer. We were starting over, taking it back to the start and taking time to discover each other. Our tongues stroked each other languidly, and he gave a soft hum that tickled. I giggled, pulling away, but kept my hand resting on his thigh. My fingers stroked his inside leg. I heard him swallow thickly as he skimmed the tip of his nose down my cheek. “Did the movie bore you?”

I kissed his cheek, frowning at the odd question. “No. I was enjoying being close to you. What you’ve done here is the sweetest thing ever, but I want to get to know you, Jonah. I like spending time with you.” “I suppose you’ve had grander gestures,” he muttered. “No!” I denied. “And even if I had it’s not about that. You shock me, do you know that? You alternate from confident to shy in a heartbeat. Sometimes I wonder if it’s real.” “I find it far too easy to let my guard down with you.” “I just want you to be yourself. You don’t need to be cautious around me.” He looked down at our hands and entwined them, bringing them close to his chest. I remained silent, watching him and waiting for more. I was always waiting for more from him.

“You...” he started, trying to choose his words carefully. “You’re the only person that has come this close in five years...” “What? You haven’t had sex in five years? Jonah, I find that very hard to believe.” “That’s not what I said.” He raised his brows at me. “Though I would like to know why it’s hard to believe.” “Well, look at you,” I motioned to all of him. “You are gorgeous. I’d have thought you’d have a long line of girls ready to meet your needs. In fact, I met two of them in the coffee shop before your gig at Cellar.” His hand tightened around mine. He licked his lips so slowly, I took it as a personal tease. “They’re kids.” “Oh, and you’re so old and wise,” I snorted, trying to be as sarcastic as I could. “You know what I mean. They don’t want me. They

want the guy that’s up on the stage, not the emotional wreck that needs medication to help him through the day. Each and every one of them would have run screaming if they’d have found what you did in that cabinet.” “Then they don’t deserve you,” I replied, but he dropped my hands, stood up, and walked around the couch. He turned off the projector and began to dismantle it, shutting me out and making it clear the date was over. “What did I do wrong?” He dismissed me, “Nothing. It’s getting cold, let’s go inside.” “Jonah. Stop! What the hell did I just do the upset you?” His shoulder sagged. He kicked the table, making the projector wobble. “I don’t deserve you. I’m not made for relationships. I know I’m going to fuck this up. I’m going to drive you away, or do something that will hurt you, and you’ll be added to my list of people I’ve screwed over. You should

walk away now.” I walked over to him and tugged on his shirt until he faced me. My hands moved to cup his jaw. When he looked, I tried to make him feel the words I spoke, “I won’t be going anywhere. This means something to me, and I want to prove you wrong. I want to show you that you are worthy, Jonah. You don’t need to hide anymore.” He closed his eyes, taking in the words, before covering my hand with his and saying gently, “I hope you’re right, because I think hurting you would bring me to my knees.” I didn’t want to hear his tortured tone any longer, so I kissed him with everything I had. Jonah Quinn had managed to weave his way into my heart, and I was sure there was no way out.

We walked down the stairwell hand in hand, nervous anticipation swirling low in my stomach. I wanted to be with him; I wanted to spend the night in his arms. However, common sense prevailed. If things started to get a little steamy, I would have no choice but to walk away. We needed to take baby steps, because my heart and his sanity were already on the line. “Are you sure you had a good time tonight?” His voice was low as it echoed off the walls of the stairwell, encroaching on the intimacy of the moment. “It was beautiful. In fact, it was the most thoughtful date I’ve ever been on,” I replied, tucking a stray curl behind my ear.

“Really?” He questioned. “Really. What’s wrong? You sound like you’ve never taken someone out before,” I giggled, but sobered when the expression on his face didn’t alter. I stopped walking, halting his movements by flattening my palm on his chest. “Should I take the look of horror on your face as confirmation?” “I...um...shit!” He stammered, his hands clenching into fists. I lifted my other hand to his face and tried to get him to meet my gaze. “Jonah. Jonah, look at me. Please?” When he did, I continued, “How did someone like you go, oh, how old are you?” He smirked. “Kind of amusing that you don’t know that about me, considering what we’ve shared. I’m twentyseven.” “Twenty-seven?” I repeated in shock.

I’d always taunted J.J. for the age difference between her and Elijah, and yet, here I was already drawn into a precarious relationship with someone three years my junior. J.J. would love that little gem of information. It wasn’t much of a gap, but I knew my words were going to come back and haunt me. “Okay, well, we can talk about your age later. What I really want to know is how you have gone twentyseven years, looking like you do, without a date?” He shrugged and tried to walk through the door that led to my floor. I blocked his way, staring him down, placing my hands on my hips in a show of defiance. “Do I have to go into this?” When I nodded, he winced, but said, “Look, I told you I left home at seventeen. That’s the age where guys do stuff like date and steal bases. I had other shit to deal with, like paying bills.” “Oh my God! Was I your first?” His head fell back, mouth opening wide as his laughter bellowed out. I had never seen him so free. I

watched him, waiting as mortification stung my cheeks. When he finished, I could barely look him in the eyes. “What the hell made you think that?” “B-but you said...” “I said dating, Elle. Dating is not sex. But just to make it clear, you were not my first.” “So you weren’t dating five years ago?” I shot at him. His brows drew together in confusion, so I elaborated. “You said no one had been this close to you in five years.” “Ah. No, I wasn’t dating,” he responded, his eyes filling with sadness. “That was when I learned to keep everything to myself. Spilling your past sins to someone you don’t know is never a good idea.” “Is that why you’re keeping me at arms-length now?” Jonah didn’t answer me. He shook his head and stepped around me, stalking to my apartment and

muttering about taking me home. I raced after him, my slippers sliding on the floor. When I caught up he was leaning back against the wall, arms folded across his chest, staring down at his boots. “Is that it then? I’m left out in the cold again?” I jutted my chin out, trying to make him see just how annoyed I was, but he was transfixed by his boots. I prodded his chest with my finger, “Jonah, talk to me.” “You say that to me far too often,” he growled. “I wouldn’t need to if you stopped being so evasive. There’s so much that I’m willing to wait for, but the further you push me away the more I wonder why I’m hanging around.” “I warned you that I hurt people,” he pointed out as condescending as possible. “Cut the bullshit,” I snapped. “This is supposed to be the fun bit, you know, the beginning of a relationship when everything is pink and fluffy. Our do-over. Right?” “Pink like your slippers?”

“This isn’t funny.” I couldn’t see his face, but I had a feeling he was sniggering. I had to bite the side of my mouth to stop myself from laughing. He didn’t need to know he could win me over with one silly comment. “I know,” he grumbled, nodding at my front door. “You going to let me in?” “Depends on how forthcoming you’re intending to be.” Jonah pushed off the wall and came to stand in front of me. He skimmed his finger along the top of my dress, right across my breasts. I wanted to hum my approval, but clenched my teeth. I wasn’t letting him divert my attention. “Okay, from the moment I left home I was alone. I never let anybody get too close, because I didn’t want to be hurt again. I didn’t want to hurt anyone else. Five years ago I found someone I liked. I really thought my luck had

changed. But like the idiot I am, I did hurt her.” “How?” I asked, my voice little more than a whisper. “I was too much for her. The meds, the anxiety, and the truth; it was more than she could cope with.” He was trying so hard to warn me off, but he was having the opposite effect. The sadness rolled off him in waves. It was becoming difficult for me to ignore. He needed me, and as much as I tried, I couldn’t make myself walk away. I gripped the bottom of his shirt and moved closer. “I guess it would all seem a bit much for some people.” “Why are you still here then? Why aren’t you running away screaming?” “I have no idea,” I replied, shaking my head. “You’re far too secretive, and rather moody. In fact, your only endearing quality is that you’re rather pretty to look at.”

The side of his mouth lifted in a cute smirk. “Pretty, huh?” “Yes, when you’re not pouting like a petulant child, that is.” I wasn’t finished, but we both jumped, startled at the sound of Mrs. Kindle’s front door opening. She popped her head around the frame, her hair tucked into a net and her robe pulled right up to her neck. “Oh, it’s you, Elle. I thought I heard a bit of a commotion. Is everything alright?” “It’s fine. Jonah just took me to see a movie.” Jonah shuffled next to me, placing his arm around my waist and smiling at Mrs. Kindle. “Do you think I was born yesterday, young lady? Since when do you walk into a theater in your slippers?” I stammered, trying to work out a reasonable

explanation. I didn’t want to tell her about the roof; it was better kept as our secret. Jonah snickered, as he leaned down to kiss my cheek. “See you tomorrow, Red. Thanks for tonight. I had fun.” And with that he left me to deal with my neighbor. I gaped at his back as he entered the elevator. We hadn’t finished that conversation, and he knew it. “You have some explaining to do. I love a good gossip. It seems like you have plenty,” Mrs. Kindle smiled. I feigned a yawn, pretending I was too exhausted to talk. Even though she was disappointed, she agreed to postpone the conversation until tomorrow. I would have to think of another excuse.

The next morning was so busy I didn’t have a chance to talk to anyone. I was adding the finishing touches

to a new website, hoping my client would like what I’d produced for him. I hadn’t even gone for my morning run. I now felt lethargic and in need of some energizing. So after sending my client a quick email, I stretched and walked over to my window. I wondered if it was too busy to go for a run, but then when wasn’t Central Park busy? I really needed to clear my head, so I decided to change my clothes. As I walked toward the bedroom, there was a knock at the door. I muttered a curse as I opened it, only to find Jonah leaning against the frame clad in shorts and a sleeveless T-shirt. All thoughts vacated my head, just like they always did when this man was anywhere near me. “Busy?” He asked, smiling slightly, but never quite meeting my gaze. He grew more confident the more time we spent together but was always cautious. He acted as though I might change my mind at any moment and tell him to leave me alone. “Not really, though I was just about to go for a run. Have you come to finish the conversation we started last night?”

“And that would be?” He drawled, feigning nonchalance. I growled at him, turning my back and stalking away, leaving the door open. “You know what I’m talking about,” I spat, making a big show of folding the throw I kept on the couch. “I came to see you. I needed a break from my work and wondered if you wanted to join me in the park?” I spun around, glaring at him. “Have you been watching me?” He moved toward me; his walk as slow and precise as a panther. His eyes held the same predatory gleam, sending a shiver racing down my spine. As he neared, his hand reached out, his fingers touching my jaw and tilting it up slightly. When he spoke his words were so husky that I felt them down to my very core. “I always watch you. You consume my every thought.”

I swallowed and licked my lips. I’d hoped he would take it as an invitation, but he didn’t. Instead, he dropped his hand and took a step backward. I tried to catch my breath as he spoke to me. “I’m going blading. I thought you’d like to come.” “Blading? Like skates?” I questioned, grinning but shaking my head. “No way. I don’t do skates, Jonah.” “Sure you do.” “Nope, I don’t. I run. Anyway, what were you saying about work? What is it that you do exactly?” “Come with me, and I’ll tell you.” I pushed at his chest, moving around him. “Blackmail?” “I never said I played fair, Red,” he exhaled lightly. “I want to spend time with you. I’ve finished for the day. I wondered if you’d like to come with me. I’m not used to this

kind of thing...” “And what kind of thing would this be?” I pushed for more. I knew it could bite me on the ass, but he had to give me something because I wasn’t willing to let him take the lead. He was staring at the floor, his back to me again, but I heard his words. “I just want to try. I want to see where this leads.” That was all I needed for the moment, so I conceded. “I don’t have any skates.” Jonah gave a low snort, before moving forward to tickle his fingers against mine. “You can rent them. Come on, it’ll be fun. Come out and play, little red.” I griped but knew as soon as he grinned at me that I would give in. The idea of spending a few hours in the sun with him was too much to say no to. He waited in my living room while I changed my clothes, dressing in the smallest shorts I owned. If I was going to make a fool of myself, I might as well look good

doing it. I slipped on an athletic top that was tight and bared my midriff, and pulled my hair up into a high ponytail. I received a gentle whistle when I exited the bedroom, relieving some of the anxiety I had about being on skates in front of Jonah. I still wasn’t sure that I wanted to do this, but walked out of the apartment with him anyway. His skates were on the floor next to my front door. He picked them up with one hand and he took hold of mine with the other. “Are you going to keep to your side of the bargain?” I questioned as we rounded the block. He squeezed my hand, leaning down to place a kiss on top of my head before tugging me across the busy road. He negotiated the bustling people with confidence, swerving and weaving, but never letting go of my hand or his blades. I followed, enjoying the show of assertiveness. We ended up outside a sporting goods store. When he asked my shoe size, I bumbled before blurting out size nine. His eyes went wide, those cute little dimples appearing on his cheeks.

“Damn! You have big feet for a girl. No wonder you wear those huge slippers,” he teased. I didn’t get a chance to respond, before he made a swift exit and walked into the store to rent my blades. I backed myself up against the wall, wanting to make sure I could see everyone as they passed me. I didn’t want to be caught unaware; not like when I was attacked. Only once Jonah returned was I able to breathe a sigh of relief. “Are you ready to have some fun, skater girl?” I rolled my eyes at him, staying at his side until we entered the park. I glared at him as we took a seat on a bench, and he began to undo his tennis shoes. “I have no idea why I agreed to this,” I grumbled, shaking my head. “Sure you do.” “Okay then, tell me. What do you do for a living? What pays the bills, Jonah Quinn?”

His hair flopped into his eyes, obscuring them from view. Before he answered, he knelt down on the floor before me. I gulped, my heart skipping a beat in excitement. He lifted my right foot, holding my ankle as he slipped off my shoe. “I’m an artist. I draw.” I touched his hair, stroking it across his forehead. “Does that pay the rent?” Jonah nodded, making sure the skate was fastened on my foot before moving to the next. “I do all right from it. Now, stand up.” “I don’t think...” “That’s right, don’t think. Just stand up and concentrate on your balance. I’m here to stop you from falling.” “What if I’ve already fallen?” I whispered, realizing I’d spoken the words out loud.

Jonah frowned but didn’t comment. He held out his hand and waited for me. I wobbled, eventually standing, but clung to Jonah as if his was a lifeline. Children were giggling as they rode by on their bikes. Dogs yapped at each other while babies gurgled away in their strollers. I refused to fall on my ass in front of all of these people. I had to stay upright. I let go of him, shaking, but managed to stand. Jonah clapped and kissed my nose, then skated in circles around me. “Don’t do that!” I shouted. “You’re making me dizzy!” He stopped but was too far for me to reach out and grab him. He crooked a finger at me, beckoning me forward. “Come on,” he encouraged. “You can do it, Red. Just one small push and you’ll be able to touch me.” “Is this where I trust you again?” “No. You trust yourself. Trust your own instincts, because I doubt they’re wrong. Sometimes it just takes longer than usual to show that you were right.”

I caught the double meaning to his words. I let them sink it before I replied. “I hope you’re right. I’d really hate to get hurt, Jonah.” “Take the leap,” he stated so quietly I could barely hear him over the passersby. I inhaled sharply, and pushed on the blades, my eyes firmly closed. When I opened them I was in Jonah’s arms. He grinned down at me, happiness lighting up his face. “You did it!” “I did,” I sobered. “You could too, you know. You just need to trust and take that leap.” “I think I will...thanks to you.” His mouth lowered to mine as his arms tightened around me. I relaxed into his arms, praying he meant it.

We spent three hours skating, and by the time we were finished, I was actually pretty good at it. I was exhausted, and though Jonah seemed like he would be able to skate for another hour, I made him sit down on the grass with me. I took the chunky skates off, discarding them near a tree and was still as I tried to catch my breath. I hadn’t laughed so much in a long time. It was exhilarating. Jonah took his own skates off, then handed me a bottle of water from his backpack and lay flat on his back across the grass. I watched his chest rise and fall, seeing the sinew ripple underneath the cotton T-shirt. I shuffled closer to him, placing the bottle on the grass and rested my hand on his chest, as I fitted against his side. He reached around me, touching the grazed skin on my knee. “How’s the boo-boo?” He asked, as I tried to focus on anything but the way my skin tingled from his

touch. “Smarts a bit. It’s nothing serious. I think one scrape in three hours, isn’t too bad.” He nodded, closing his eyes and tilting his head up toward the sun. The lines that appeared between his brows when he was concentrating faded, and he relaxed. My hand reached up of its own volition, touching the damp hair that had fallen across his forehead. “You did great. I knew you would. Better than a run?” Jonah opened his eyes, fixing his brilliant-blue gaze on me. Stunning. I felt my chest and face flush as he continued to look at me. I found it startling to think no one had gotten to know the real Jonah; the one that needed a friend. “Don’t know about that,” I grinned, leaning into him. “I don’t fall on my ass when I run.” He chuckled. Our eyes met again, and I wanted nothing more than to kiss him. Jonah licked his lips as

though he could read my mind. I leaned away from him, hoping that he would be more responsive in an open setting. “Why did you leave home so young?” He blinked, shock registering before he spoke, “Wow, straight to the point, huh, Red?” “Yup.” I continued combing my fingers through his hair, teasing the dark strands with my fingers. I started to think he wasn’t going to answer when he exhaled. “I was a bad kid. A real bad kid. I didn’t give a shit about anyone, certainly not my family. I made a mess of everything. There was just no way back. I had to leave.” “Police?” I asked, wanting to gauge just how bad he’d been.” He nodded. “Speaking of police, have they been back in contact with you?”

“No, they haven’t, but stop changing the subject. How bad?” His hand tightened on my hip as he breathed, “Very.” “Is that why you’ve changed your name?” He nodded again. “Excuse my excessive drama. You’re not a fugitive or anything, are you?” He chuckled and shook his head in denial as his hand stroked my thigh. “I don’t understand. All of that was ten years ago, you’ve changed, right? You’re an adult now. Don’t your parents see that?” The lines between his brows returned, and he tried to look away. The hurt resonated from his eyes, and I

wondered if I would ever understand him. Would he let me? “I call my parents once a year, Elle. That’s as far as our interactions go.” “How?” I gasped. “Why?” He gave a small shake of his head, closing his eyes to block me out. I didn’t need to look at him to know he was upset; the hurt was evident in his tone. I fought the urge to wrap him in my arms without much success, and before I knew it, I was straddling his hips and leaning over him with my arms around his neck. “Is that why you need all the medications, have the anxiety attacks? You suffer because they don’t...want you?” “You shouldn’t feel sorry for me,” he whispered against my neck, taking the comfort I was offered. “It was a long time ago. I deserve every bit of the distance that’s between me and my family.” “I don’t believe you, Jonah. I don’t believe anyone deserves to be ostracized from their parents at seventeen.”

He turned his head so that he could look up at me. His lips spread into a small smile as he lifted his hands and framed my face. “I’m not sure I deserve you as a friend.” “I think you do,” I grinned, wanting to kiss him; desperate to make him happy. “Maybe in time you’ll believe it.” “Maybe.” Jonah adjusted his hips, the friction reminding me of just how close we were. His thin shorts disguised very little, and my cheeks flamed in response. I shifted, intending to climb off him when his hands locked on my hips. “I thought I was too heavy for you...” I started, trailing off when he shook his head. “Stay where you are. I like it.” I stared at him, searching his expression. “Jonah, where are we going with this?” I asked, my voice softening.

As he broke eye contact, I was certain he would shut me out. However, he exhaled, smoothing his hands up my back until he held my face and spoke just as gently as I had, “I don’t know, Red. But I’ll be honest and say that I’m liking it.” I sighed, then nodded and turned my face into his palm. I kissed the center of it, reveling in the texture of his skin against my lips. It was moments like this that I could forget the secrets he kept from me and just enjoy our time together. Here and now, we were like any other couple; we were learning and enjoying each other. “I am too. Maybe more of this,” I breathed, gesturing between us, “and less of the skating.” His skimmed his thumb across my lower lip, dipping the tip into my mouth a little and smirking. “More of this?” He crooned as he brought my face down and nuzzled my jaw. “This? Or this?” His lips ghosted across mine before fully connecting with them. It was a gentle, delicate kiss, but one that left me gasping and wanting more. Jonah’s tongue

entered my mouth with caution, sliding against mine before retreating. His hands smoothed down my back, stalling on my ass and cupping it as he tugged me closer. I relented, allowing my body to sag against him. Jonah hummed as my breasts connected with his chest. I was aware of tittering from passing teenagers when he gave my ass a squeeze. I didn’t care. Whenever his lips teased mine the world around us disappeared, as did my willpower. In the midst of our kiss, Jonah’s shorts vibrated. I had become so lost in the moment that I failed to realize I was gyrating against it. Jonah pulled it out of his pocket, blushing and clearing his throat as I looked at him in confusion. “Um...it’s my cell...” he croaked. “Oh, my God!” I exclaimed, rolling off him onto the grass. I stared up at the sky and attempted to regulate my breathing. As he spoke into the receiver, I made every effort to calm down. How could a simple kiss make me forget myself every, single time? I couldn’t remember one time Nathan left me as weak-kneed as Jonah did. He was toxic, addictive.

When he raised his voice I began to feel uncomfortable. It sounded like a private conversation, and even though we’d been intimate, I wasn’t sure he’d want me listening in. In order to avoid an awkward situation, I stood and wandered across the grass. I rested against a tree, watching two small boys play ball. I zoned out, recalling the time I’d spent with Jonah today. I wasn’t aware that I was giggling until he stood before me smiling. “What’s so funny?” I blinked, taking note that his smile didn’t quite reach his eyes. “Nothing. Are you all right?” “Sure. Are you ready to go?” I nodded and moved to pick up my abandoned skates. I could feel him behind me, his body almost flush against mine. Something in that call had stirred him up, whether it was good or bad I had no clue. “Are you sure you’re okay?” I questioned.

“I will be once I get you alone.” He whispered the words so seductively that I felt them float across my skin. My heartbeat increased. I gulped as he backed me up into the tree. I was about to ask what had happened in the call to alter his mood, when he slid his hands up my neck and cupped my face. His fingers tickled the hair at the nape of my neck, and my toes curled in response. “Do you want to be alone with me, Red?” He questioned. “Yes,” I breathed. His lips touched mine only momentarily, before he pulled away and looked into my eyes. “Oh, Elle,” he uttered. “Do you know how amazing you are?” I gasped, unable to absorb his response before he kissed me. This time it was ferocious and needy. The skates dropped to the ground, forgotten. He pulled my head closer to his, and tilted it, allowing his mouth to connect with

mine. It was aggressive, rough, and full of need. It was arousing me more than any other kiss I’d ever experienced. I tentatively explored his mouth with my tongue. I slid it against his, feeling a rumble of appreciation roll up from his chest, through his mouth, and into mine. The noise coursed directly to my nipples, making them taut in their demand to be touched. I was being carried away on a wave of arousal, not really paying attention to where we were, or the people around us. Though I could still hear them in my periphery. In the back of my mind, I wondered exactly what it was that Jonah found amazing about me. He knew my body but not much more. I should’ve stopped him from kissing me, but his lips felt good moving across mine. The sensation of his hands, as they slipped under my top and tickled my torso, and his knee pushing between my thighs felt perfect. I adjusted my stance, allowing him to settle it between them. He hummed and moved his mouth to my neck, devouring the flesh. His teeth nipped at the thin skin, making me purr and push my chest closer his. My body had memorized his divine touch. It longed to be taken to the pinnacle of arousal before giving me the most intense completion once again.

His knee began to rock against my core, pushing at my shorts until the seam gathered between my folds. The material pressed against me, making me hiss. At the same time, Jonah swirled his tongue down my neck, leaving a pattern of slow circles with his saliva. He blew across it, causing goose bumps to break out across my skin, and my breasts ached with need. I pushed my fingers roughly into his hair and grasped. He gave a low growl and began to nose the swell of my breasts. He licked his way across the skin, and my knees almost gave in. I should have been embarrassed about the way I was riding his thigh, acting so wanton in such a public place; but I didn’t care. The world dissipated when I was with Jonah; my need simmering, awaiting his touch. “We need to go home,” he said. “Uh-huh,” was the best I could manage. His hand moved to cup my breast, easing his thumb across my now pert nipple. I moaned as he teased the hardened peak. I wanted more. I always wanted more. I

tried to focus on our surroundings; it was futile. His talented tongue lapped at my skin and scattered my thoughts. “Jonah,” I said breathlessly, but he didn’t stop. My hands trailed down his back on a quest of their own. I circled the edge of his shorts with my fingers, incited by his moan. They tickled their way to the front of his shorts. He gasped as I teased the elastic trim. My fingers walked down his skin toward his arousal. He moaned, verbalizing how close I was to his erection. The tips of my fingers itched. I wanted to push my hand further down, but he wrapped his hand around my wrist, stopping me. “Not here.” I wiggled my fingers, still wanting more. The look in his eyes cautioned me. I lifted my head and blinked, trying to get my bearings. I could hear our heavy breathing as it floated around us, mixing with the shouting of the people in the park. My pulse drummed against my wrists. I swallowed hard as mortification flooded my system. “I can’t believe we did that. Here.”

Jonah looked at me through hooded eyes, a small smirk teasing the right side of his swollen lips. His thigh was still rocking against me, teasing me and keeping me aroused. “No one saw us, Red. You have nothing to be ashamed of,” he rumbled. “W-we should go,” I stuttered, trying to move away. He sighed heavily and stepped back, allowing me freedom. I felt instantly bereft without his heat, without him. “I don’t want to, but I suppose we should.” He bent to retrieve his skates from the grass and linked his pinkie in mine as he stood up. I stared at him, grinning, because I found his pinkie hold adorable. “I want to spend more time with you, although I have some work to do. Will you come and see my band tomorrow night?” He sounded uncertain, as if he expected me to

say no. Didn’t my response to him show how much I wanted to be with him? He obviously needed the reassurance, so I balanced on my tip toes and kissed the tip of his nose. “I thought you wanted me alone.” He winced, so I answered his question. “Yes, but you might have to stop a cat fight if those girls start drooling over you.” “Trying to defend my honor?” He asked, wiggling his eyebrows. “Those girls were vicious! They’d stop at nothing to get you naked and panting for them.” He snorted, pulling me across the street and back to the store where we’d rented my skates. My heart was still hammering against my chest from our interlude in the park. I hadn’t wanted it to end, and in some ways, I wished we’d been somewhere else so that it could have gone further. Except sex wasn’t what we needed right now. Sex would only complicate us further. So with the express purpose of trying to open the lines of communication between us, I stopped walking and turned to him. “Who were you on the phone to? You

sounded angry.” He frowned and let go of my hand. I thought I’d blown it, but he pushed his hair back from his forehead and spoke. “A friend. There’s an issue with a check I gave him. I asked him to take it to someone...” He exhaled sharply, scrunching his face up as if he was battling the truth. I was shocked when actually continued. “My parents. I asked him to give the money to my parents. They refused it. They never refuse it.” “Never? You send them money a lot? Even though they want nothing to do with you? Why?” He shrugged, “I owe them. They need it.” “But, Jonah, I don’t-” “You won’t,” he interrupted. “Not yet, though I know I could tell you in time. Bear with me. I’m getting there.” I reached out and took his hand in mine, squeezing gently in reassurance. “I will wait, but you won’t get my blind faith forever. I like you, and I know you’re still hurting, but sometimes you have to take the leap. Even if

you think it might make the pain worse.” He nodded and mumbled in agreement, then left me on the sidewalk as he took the skates into the store. I stepped back, leaning against the wall to ensure I could see everyone in front of me, and waited for him. I contemplated our conversation, wondering just how long I’d be willing to wait for the truth.

Jonah’s lip ghosted my jaw, his touch so featherlight it made goose bumps break out across my skin. My foot skimmed the back of his thigh, moving higher until I could wrap my leg around his hips. His body blanketed mine, making me feel warm and protected. I could definitely get used to snuggling with Jonah. He had come down to my apartment under the guise of watching a movie. We didn’t make it past the start of the trailers before we were necking like teenagers on the couch. It was exhilarating, because Jonah never pushed to go further than the kissing and groping. Maybe he needed this kind of connection too; a step back from the intensity we’d experienced at the beginning of our relationship. We could write new rules where the rules had once been unwritten. It felt right; it felt real.

His need was evident as it pressed between the apex of my thighs. We both continued in a slow, seductive perusal of each others’ mouths and bodies. His hands stayed on top of my T-shirt, skimming up my ribs and resting just below my breast. I squeezed my thighs, adjusting my hips and eliciting a gasp from him. I mumbled an apology, because I hadn’t meant to tease him. He smiled down at me, flashing his dimples before placing a quick peck on the tip of my nose. “I know. Is this okay, Red?” I cupped his face in my hands, smoothing the dark hair that had fallen across his forehead. His eyes were hooded and filled with lust. Looking at him made my toes curl. I licked my lips as anticipation flowed through me. “This is pretty perfect right now,” my sigh swiftly turning into a gasp when Jonah began nibbling at the pads of my fingers. His face was alight with pure mischief seconds before he sucked a digit into his mouth. My eyes rolled back, lost in the sensation of his tongue as it swirled across the tip of my finger.

“You’re not playing fair,” I sniggered, trying to hide the breathlessness of my voice. He gave a short shrug but continued feasting on my flesh. The movie continued to play on the television, it served as a distraction, but I was all too consumed with Jonah. When he released my finger with a pop, I wanted nothing more than to tease him back. I grazed my nails down his chest, making sure they raked across his cotton covered nipples. Jonah hissed and reared back a fraction. Empowered by his sounds, I slipped my fingers underneath his shirt and danced them back up his ribs. The hum that tunneled through his torso made my fingers vibrate and another shiver wracked my body. “You seem to get very cold around me,” Jonah pointed out, the sarcasm very clear. “Then you’d better lie back down and keep me warm.” “Cheesy,” he laughed, flopping onto his side and pulling my back close to his chest.

I lifted my arm and wrapped it around his neck, surprised when he cupped my breast. “Just keeping it warm,” he rumbled against the side of my throat. “I’m not sure where this cocky Jonah came from. He certainly isn’t the one who blushed and rushed up the stairs when I said hi.” He nipped my earlobe. “I was merely lulling you into a false sense of security. Now I have you exactly where I want you.” “And that is?” He pushed me onto my back again; his body looming over mine. “Underneath me.” I melted, ready to sink into a slow, luxurious kiss when Jonah yelped. I frowned, looking around him to see Meow pawing at Jonah’s ass. I lifted Meow into my arms where he began purring loudly. Jonah petted his head, muttering in annoyance, which made me giggle more.

“He didn’t mean to hurt your tushy.” “He made damn sure I took my hands off you. Stupid cat.” I kissed his cheek, calling him a baby as I rested my head on his shoulder. He grumbled but settled down, and we watched the last thirty minutes of the movie. I had no idea what was going on, so I allowed my mind to wander. I started to put together the bits and pieces I knew about the man beside me. “What sort of artist are you?” I blurted out. He stilled, probably startled by my rather random question, and it took a moment before he answered. “I write and illustrate graphic novels.” “Oh, my God!” I squealed, jumping up so quickly Meow fell to the floor. He looked around frantically, trying to work out the cause of my outburst. I slipped across the floor toward the bookshelf and pulled the novel from between two books.

“This!” I shouted excitedly. I raced back over to him, taking in the awkwardness of his posture. He was tilting himself away from me, rubbing the back of his neck. He was actually blushing, just as he had so many times at the mailboxes. “I bought this the morning I came to see you at

Cellar. It called to me. Now I understand why. It’s yours, isn’t it? You do this!” He shuffled on the couch, not reaching for it until I shoved it in his face. “The guy at the store loved you. He said your preorders were already through the roof. I can’t believe this is you!” I was bouncing with enthusiasm, whereas Jonah looked as though he could crawl under the coffee table. It was rather cute, enamoring me even more. “Yeah,” he admitted, flipping the book over in his

hands. “It’s me. I’m, um, kind of stunned that you frequent the stores that sell them.” “I wasn’t. I had a tiff with J.J. on the street and strutted into the nearest store. That’s when I saw this. There was a huge cardboard cutout. It was a hooded figure like your tattoo.” “Not a comic book geek then, Red?” I sat down next to him, snorting as I shook my head. “Damn! I bet you’d look hot with the glasses and pocket protector.” I slipped a leg over his and straddled his hips. The ease in which we interacted was reassuring. I allowed him to set the pace, aware that going too fast could blow our progress to smithereens. I didn’t want that. Jonah Quinn took a new piece of my heart with every passing day. I pressed my forehead to his, hiding us in a curtain of wavy red hair. “You know, I do wear glasses...”

It came out as a sultry purr. I felt an instant shift in his sweats. Something was, without doubt, interested in my eye wear. When Jonah spoke it sent shockwaves through my body. It was guttural and oozed sex. “What do I have to do to get you to wear them?

Only them?” My pulse responded by beating double time. It was growing rather warm in the apartment. “Um...I...” Jonah chuckled at my stammering, loving the fact that he’d been the one that made me speechless after all the times I’d done the exact same thing to him. His fingers squeezed my hips, before burrowing under my T-shirt and gripping my bare sides. I fought the urge to rock against him, opting instead for a kiss. Our tongues met moments after our lips did, and we both exhaled in contentment. I stroked my hands up the back of his neck, pushing my fingers into his hair. He moaned then gently pulled away. I shifted my hands to his shoulders, staring down at him in uncertainty. His lips were slightly swollen; his cheeks tinged pink, and his blue eyes were fixed on mine. We stared; only the sound of our breathing filling

the silence. His fingers flexed where they held my waist. I could see a small tick on his jaw where he was gritting his teeth. I was about to climb off him, because he was fighting it. He was right to. Hadn’t I surmised earlier that we had to carve a new path? One that went backward before it could move forward? “We shouldn’t,” his voice was merely a low rumble, but I still understood its implications. If I said we could, if I took the reins, he would buckle. “I know,” I croaked out, shaking my head. “But it’s your fault! You asked me about my glasses in that tone.” “I have a tone?” Jonah was trying to act innocent even though he knew exactly what he had done. Struck by inspiration, I climbed off him and went to collect a pad and pencil from my desk. I placed it on the low coffee table and sat down on the floor, patting the space beside me. Jonah raised his brows in question and didn’t move. “Teach me how to draw. One of those superhero thingies, and then I’ll show you just how hot I look in glasses,

Mr. Quinn.” “Promises, promises,” he tsked, sliding off the couch and getting comfortable on the floor next to me. He moved the pad of paper and took hold of the pencil, preparing to draw what I hoped was the image that he had tattooed on his ribcage. I became mesmerized by the quick sweep of his hand across the paper. The sure strokes appeared haphazard at first but swiftly began to merge into a person before my eyes. He was so talented; it was no wonder that people were desperate for his next offering. “Who taught you how to draw?” I realized before I’d completed my question that he may retreat back into himself, but I was very curious about him; his life. “My mom was, is, an artist. Guess it’s in the blood or something.” His comment was offhand and blasé, yet I saw it for what it was. A step forward for us. He was giving me a little of himself. I decided not to push it, and therefore asked nothing more. I was content studying how beautiful his

hands were, how quickly he drew the character and how lost he became in his work. “What about you? What do your parents do?” He didn’t look up as he asked the question, nor did he stop his sketching. “Mom’s a teacher. Kindergarten. She adores it. I don’t think she’ll ever retire. She says the kids keep her young.” Jonah nodded as grief settled around me. “My dad died a couple of years ago.” He placed his pencil down and took hold of my hand, easing my pain. “I’m sorry. Were you guys close?” “We all were. I don’t have any siblings, so we were tight knit, know what I mean? I’ll always miss him.” “We’re never meant to forget the ones we love,” Jonah sighed wistfully. He gave my hand a tight squeeze and returned to his drawing. “So, where is home, Miss Elle?”

I smiled at his attempt to lighten the mood. “Cape Cod. I miss the beach.” Jonah stilled. “Your mom has a house on the beachfront? That takes some cash,” he gasped, but apologized right after. “Sorry, that was a bit out of line.” “It’s okay.” I shrugged. “You’re not the first person to point that out. The house belonged to my grandparents, so Mom inherited it when they passed. I’ve lived there pretty much all of my life. I still wake up shocked when I can’t hear the sea. You?” “Philadelphia.” His face turned to me; his eyes wide with shock as he realized he’d spoken without thinking first. I was certain he hadn’t meant to let it slip, so I redirected the topic and pointed at the paper. “That’s amazing.” He grinned, linking his pinkie in mine and nodding at the paper. “Your turn.”

“There is no way I can do that!” I protested. “I suck at drawing. I was teasing you. I just wanted to see you draw.” Jonah clicked his tongue, placed the pencil in my hand and held it firmly in his. Our joined hands began moving across the paper, Jonah’s gentle voice guiding me. I leaned into him. I would have been happy to sit like that for the rest of the day. “Have you had any more attacks?” I blurted out. Jonah’s hand stopped. “You’re all about the killer questions today, aren’t you?” “Sorry,” I winced. “I should have been a bit more tactful, I guess.” “No,” he replied, cupping my face. “You’re unpredictable, and it’s perfect. Don’t change that.” “Okay then, are you going to answer me?”

He kissed my forehead, his lips lingering longer than they needed to. My eyes fluttered closed. “No more attacks. I’ve been taking my meds like a good boy.” “That’s good, huh? It scares me to think of you suffering alone. Would you call me? If you did have one, I mean?” He was silent for far longer than I’d have liked. “You wouldn’t, would you? You would try to deal with it on your own. Oh, Jonah.” He kissed my forehead again, and then the tip of my nose, followed by a lingering one on my lips. “It’s not that I don’t trust you, because you have more of me than anyone ever has. I just think there are some things you don’t need to be burdened with. I don’t want you to feel like you have to look after me.” “I don’t,” I protested.

“Maybe not now but further down the line you might,” he paused. “I just want whatever time we spend together to be clean. Pure.” I tilted my head, taken aback by his words. “You think your anxiety and depression are dirty? Jonah, you’ve been through a lot, and with no support system to help you. Your meds don’t make me think any less of you.” “You don’t know what I’ve been through, so don’t make excuses for me,” he retorted sharply. He lowered his gaze; the shame he felt from whatever had happened to him coming between us once more. My feelings for him spilled over. I wrapped my arms around him and breathed a sigh of relief as he relaxed into me. He rested his chin on my shoulder, his breath tickling my neck. “You’re too good to me,” he admitted, his arms tightening around my waist. “Just remember that when I start asking for free drawing lessons,” I replied trying to lighten the mood.

He chuckled; his response making me laugh too. “I don’t think sketching is your forte. Maybe you should stick to beautifying the internet.” “Hmm, maybe.” I pulled away, grinning with glee. “What? You look rather maniacal.” “Do you have a website? Do you want me to beautify you?” He pushed me onto my back, sprawling me across the floor, before prowling slowly up my body. “There are plenty of things you can do for me. Beautifying me is not one.” “Oh, I don’t know,” I drawled. “More of this ink would make you look even sexier.” Jonah kissed my chin and flicked his tongue across my lower lip. “You like the tattoos?” He asked, his uncertainty coming across loud and clear.

His insecurities made my heart swell. He had no idea how to function in a loving relationship, and the fact that he was trying only made me soften more. I nodded, licking my lips slowly, and watched his pupils dilate with arousal. “Were you thinking of getting more?” He paled. I had to wrap my legs around his hips to stop him from retreating. I asked him to tell me what was wrong, peppering his face with the smallest of kisses until he finally gave in. “The tattoos I have all mean something to me. Maybe one day I’ll add to them.” “Maybe one day you’ll tell me what they mean...” I trailed off. He was saved by the buzz of his cell, and within a few short minutes I was kissing him goodbye. “Tomorrow? At Cellar?”

I agreed, kissing him one last time before he left me alone in the apartment with a wealth of new information to digest. Jonah Quinn’s shell was finally cracking.

“So you haven’t had sex with him since the rooftop interlude?” J.J. asked, leaning back against my bedroom door. “Will you be quiet? The window is open, and Jonah could still be home!” She huffed, wafting her hand in dismissal before reaching over my vanity, picking up the lip gloss. “Is there a reason you guys have taken a major step back? You’re not teenagers you know.” She was annoying me today; it was as if everything that came out of her mouth irritated me. I was trying my best to ignore it.

“You know why!” I shot back, checking my appearance in the mirror. “Jonah scared me that night, J.J.” “So you think he’s unstable? Is that why?” I met her gaze through the mirror, and even though she was grating on my nerves, her expression held sympathy. I exhaled, slumping onto the edge of my bed in defeat. J.J. came and sat next to me, placing her arm around my shoulder and waited for me to elaborate as I tried to keep myself from becoming too emotional. “Maybe you should stop this before anything starts. Elle, don’t feel tied to him because you had some great sex a couple of times. I can understand you feeling gratitude because he saved you, though that’s no reason to make yourself sad. You don’t owe him.” “You’ve got it all wrong,” I protested. “He’s not unstable. He just has a few problems.” “And they are?” “I don’t know,” I said in defeat. “I know his parents have something to do with it, but he won’t tell me; he says

it’s too soon…he’s not ready.” “Sounds like a cop out to me, but then what do I know? Only you can tell if he’s playing you.” She hugged me, her perfume scratching at the back of my throat. I could see our reflection in the mirror and was startled to see just how sullen I appeared. I didn’t want Jonah to see me like this, and I certainly didn’t want him thinking it was his fault. I quickly hugged her back, and stood up, smiling and smoothing the creases out of the full skirt of my red dress. “I know he isn’t messing with me. Whatever happened to him in his past is making it difficult for him to trust. He’ll tell me when he’s ready.” “Why him?” She shot at me, her brows creased in confusion. “What?” “With any other guy I know you would have kicked him to the curb, but with him, you make excuses. You are

waiting around, being patient. That’s why I’m asking what makes Jonah Quinn different?” The concern she felt was relayed in her words and again when she held my hand. She wasn’t warning me off him; she was just being a good friend. “J.J., I don’t know what it is. It’s like some crazy, cosmic pull toward him. And before you say it, it’s more than a need to help him.” Her ice blue eyes thinned as she analyzed me. I shrank under her scrutiny. “There’s something you’re not telling me. I can feel it. Why are you keeping secrets?” I shook my head, trying to move around her. I had to get out of the room. She was delving far too deep. I didn’t like the idea of betraying Jonah, even though I could use a friend of my own to lean on at this point. “I’m not hiding anything,” I denied. “If I could tell you exactly why he’s so different, I would. I find it as strange as you do.” J.J. pursed her lips, her body going rigid underneath her skin tight purple dress. I could feel an

argument brewing. I braced myself, ready for battle, when Eli knocked on the bedroom door. “You guys ready?” I put my hand on the door, ready to open it, and shout that we were just coming. J.J. wasn’t done with me though. She tapped on my shoulder, pointing her finger at me and said, “This isn’t finished, Elle.” I rolled my eyes and left her brooding, but I was torn. I wanted to be able to talk to J.J. about things having to do with Jonah, but if she knew about his medications, she’d flip out and have me running for the hills. She would blow it all out of proportion. I knew at that moment I needed answers and made a resolution. I wouldn’t put off looking the medications up on the internet any longer.

The bar was smoky, noisy, and packed with people. Every person in there was excited to see Noir. It

was exactly the same as the last time I’d been to this bar, however this time Jonah knew I was coming to watch him. I checked my appearance in the reflection of the window. I was scared I’d gone overboard this time, but with so many people around me, I couldn’t focus for very long without being jostled around. “You look beautiful.” I shivered at the low timbre of the words. They were spoken directly into my ear, lips stroking against my skin. A hand slipped around my waist. I leaned back, knowing exactly who it was. “Thank you for coming.” His lips touched my ear again. I suppressed another shiver. “I decided to be bold and wear red.” “Suits you.” I turned slowly in his arms, circling my own around his neck. I grinned up at him, enjoying the happiness shining in his eyes. “I brought J.J. and Eli. I hope you don’t mind. Maybe I should have called.” I didn’t finish. His mouth met mine in a delicate,

gentle kiss. He didn’t try to inflame it further, just tilted his head to deepen it and hummed his approval. “Are you guys going to be necking all night?” J.J. snapped, then chuckled, “You’ll make all the groupies jealous.” I reluctantly ended the kiss, taking the beer she handed me, as we walked over to the corner of the stage. “Is she usually this crabby?” He questioned. “Only when I think my friend needs protecting,” J.J. interrupted smugly. I winced, sending a look of apology over to Jonah. It wasn’t enough to stop the building hostility. “What are you getting at?” Jonah questioned J.J. in a low, angry voice. I placed my palm flat against his chest, feeling the increase of his heartbeat. J.J. waved her hand, a mannerism I was used to, but I was sure it would annoy

Jonah further. “Elle is putting a lot of faith in someone who doesn’t seem to put any faith in her. All I’m saying is that she needs to be careful.” I braced myself for the fury that was to come as I watched Jonah and J.J. glare at each other. The standoff ended as quickly as it had started with Elijah arriving and taking hold of J.J., swirling her around to the music. She tossed her head back, giggling and going along with his movements. Eli’s carefree nature was what she loved most about him, if love was really what she felt for him. Not that she’d admit to it. I stood in front of Jonah, feeling the heavy rise and fall of his chest as he tried to calm down. “Just forget her,” I soothed. “She’s being somewhat overbearing. I’ll talk to her.” “She’s right,” he admitted, shaking his head. “I ask too much of you, and you keep allowing it.” “Do you really want to have this conversation here? Right now?”

He grunted and kicked at the edge of the stage, as a tall guy wearing a plaid shirt and a beanie hat tapped him on the shoulder. “Damn! Look, I need to go backstage, but tonight you and I are going to talk. I need to give a little.” I gawked at him but didn’t have a chance to respond. He kissed my nose, gave my pinkie a quick squeeze, and left. People had begun to stand closer to the stage, obviously realizing it was almost time for Noir to start their set. I took a long draw on my beer as J.J. came to stand beside me and bumped my shoulder with hers. “You shouldn’t have been like that with him,” I chastised. She shrugged, leaning back against Eli. My blood began to boil. Her nonchalance annoyed the hell out of me. “You guys need to get yourselves on the same page. Maybe this will help.” It was quite possible that she had helped, although I hated to admit it. Thankfully, the band took the

stage, eliciting shrieks and whoops from the crowd, all but stopping our conversation. I searched for Jonah, a huge smile spreading across my face when he came toward the mic. He winked at me as he adjusted the height and then pulled his guitar over his head. For the next ninety minutes I was lost in his voice, and the heavy beat of the live music. The crowd loved the band, many of them singing along with the songs. The girls I’d met in the coffee shop were standing at the front of the stage, shooting Jonah adoring gazes, and I got a kick out of the fact that he wasn’t looking at either of them. He was focused on me. His husky lyrics floated across the crowd and beckoned me closer, making my nerve endings tingle in awareness. I inched closer, wanting to feel more. I heard the faint giggle of J.J. near me but didn’t want to break eye contact with Jonah. He’d saved Lightning Strikes for the last set. I thought of it as “our” song and let out a sigh when the final notes rang out. “Do you know Jonah, then?”

I blinked, a young blonde girl came into focus. I took note of her dry, over-bleached hair and her ability to use half a tube of mascara on her lashes. Her lips formed a sneer as she waited for my reply. I stammered, trying to calculate exactly how much information to part with. I didn’t know this girl nor did I have any idea whether Jonah did or not, but as I found my voice to speak Jonah rescued me once again. His arms circled my waist from behind, and he rested his chin on my shoulder, eying the blonde. “Elle is with me. She’s my girlfriend, Tori.” “I see,” she pouted. “You told me you weren’t up for anything other than sex. Looks like you lied.” I stiffened. He’d slept with her? “I didn’t lie,” Jonah replied, his voice cool. “I explained months ago that I wasn’t interested in you. I was waiting for Elle.” His arms tightened around me as I gasped. I tried to turn, to look into his eyes and see the truth of his words, but he wasn’t allowing the movement. Was he scared that I’d run, thinking he’d had sex with her? I wasn’t stupid, he’d

admitted to sleeping with people before me. Imagining him with Tori, however, clawed at my control. “She was why you wouldn’t fuck me?” I cringed at the aggression and heard Jonah’s teeth grind next to my ear. His arms were like steel bands around my middle. “Tori, I warn you, don’t mess with Elle. I don’t want you, and I never led you to believe any different.” Tori huffed, muttering under her breath then turning, instantly swallowed by the crowd. “Sorry about that,” Jonah sighed, turning me in his arms, not letting go. “You were a bit harsh. She’s just a kid.” “No,” he replied bluntly. “She caused so much trouble last year with Del and his girlfriend. Almost split them up.” “Del?”

“Drummer,” he added, swaying to the music. I smiled, starting to move with him. “Dancing? A talent I’m not aware of?” Jonah wiggled his eyebrows, exaggerating the swing of his hips and nodding. “Oh, Red, there are so many of my talents that you’ve yet to see.” I pushed at his chest. “Cocky much? I’m not sure I like this confident Jonah. I kind of like the blushing, blue eyed stranger.” “I don’t believe you,” he smirked, hauling me as close to his body as he could. I almost groaned as sparks zipped through my body from our connection. His excitement was evident as it pressed against my stomach, torturing us between our clothes as we danced. It was a continual battle between demanding a release only Jonah could give and taking it slow so he would open up before we went any further. I knew what we needed to do, but that didn’t stop the internal battle.

I raised my hand and stroked his cheek as we continued to sway, feeling the coarse stubble against my palm. His eyes were locked to mine. I had long since forgotten about J.J., Eli and Tori. We remained locked together for the rest of the night, neither of us in a hurry to part. Parting meant reality setting in as well as the confusion that came along with it. At some point J.J. brought drinks over. I raised my head from Jonah’s chest to reluctantly accept it. I looked around, noticing how much the crowd had thinned. “It’s almost time for last call. You guys were making everyone want to vomit anyway.” I smiled at J.J., knowing she was only joking. It had amazed me just how quickly the evening had gone by. “Eli and I are going to go home. I need a shower, sex, and sleep.” “In that order?” Jonah asked, his voice low and unsure. At least the was trying to interact with my friend.

J.J. snorted, “Wouldn’t you like to know.” She winked, tapped me on the shoulder then waved goodbye. Eli was his usual childish self and shouted across the bar that we wouldn’t have to worry about disturbing the neighbors when we got home, given that we were neighbors. We didn’t stay in the bar long after they left. Jonah said his goodnights to his band mates, and we went outside to catch a cab back to our apartments. As soon as we were seated, Jonah brought his arm around my shoulders. I rested my head on his chest, forgetting everything else. I remained silent, soaking up the moment of bliss. Jonah kissed an caressed me all the way home. Once we were inside our apartment building, Jonah asked me to come up to his place for a little bit before calling it a night. “One coffee and then I’m going home,” I replied as I entered his apartment. Jonah nodded, tossing his keys into a blue ceramic bowl, before stalking to the kitchen. I noticed Meow on the fire escape and walked toward the window to open it. However, I got side tracked as I passed the book shelves; he had more than I did and which took some

doing. I flicked my fingers across the spines, smiling to myself when I saw a section for graphic novels. I pulled out one I recognized – the very same one I’d bought. I was going to ask him about it, but I never got that far. As I pulled the book from the shelf something fluttered to the floor. I bent to retrieve it. It was a photograph. It had been creased and was slightly worn at the edges, but the image was very clear. It was a young boy, maybe six years old, playing in an inflatable pool. It was a sweet picture. The more I looked the more I saw that the boy bore a remarkable resemblance to Jonah. I wondered if it was him, though from the way Jonah’s face paled when he saw what I was holding told me it wasn’t. “I-it fell out of the book,” I stammered, trying to make it clear that I wasn’t snooping. He held out a shaky hand, wanting the picture. I knew I couldn’t hand it back and ignore the pink elephant in the room. It was wrong to continue to blow off all the secrets he was keeping from me. It hurt knowing he didn’t trust me.

“Who is it?” I whispered, certain he wouldn’t tell me. Jonah closed his eyes, stroking the image as if trying to touch the little boy in the photograph. His adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed. When he finally opened his eyes, they were shining with unshed tears. I reached out for him. He moved back, not allowing any comfort. Dread settled low in my stomach, this was going to be bad. It had to be to cause such a reaction from him. Was this what he had been hiding all this time? A child? “I...he...he’s my brother.” I continued to stare, his revelation shocking me...he’d finally answered a question. He kept stroking the picture but didn’t look down at it. It was as if he physically couldn’t, and any relief I’d felt when he’d admitted the boy was his family dissipated with his next words. “The little boy is my brother. His name is Quinn, and that photo was taken the day before I took his future away from him. Still want to know the real me, Elle?”

I stared at him, my mouth gaping open. “What?” “You heard what I said, Elle.” His words were like a whip cracking in a silent room; sharp, leaving me no chance to prepare myself. They rattled around in my head. I desperately tried to comprehend what he meant. Jonah was still staring down at the photograph, stroking his thumb across the little boys face. Had he really confessed to killing his brother? I stammered, grasping for a coherent thought. All I could hear was buzzing of an intense white noise. My stomach churned. I thought I was about to vomit when spots began to appear before my eyes. I swayed, knowing I was about to pass out.

“You...you...” I panted, feeling his hands lock around my biceps. “You need to sit down, Red.” “Don’t!” I replied, trying to pull away and shaking my head. “Is this what you meant when you said the truth was too much for people? Is this what you meant when you said you were bad? This isn’t bad, Jonah! It’s beyond that!” The room tilted on its axis. “You’re going to collapse. Just let me help you into a chair. Please?” I swallowed, annoyed at myself for feeling guilty. His tone was sad, pleading. He was inciting a war between my body and mind. I needed to get away from him. I needed space to think. His eyes were wide, frantically flitting around my face, as I tried to push past him and get to the door. “You need to sit down,” he repeated. “I’m not keeping you here. I just don’t want you collapsing in the

elevator or the stairway.” “Why would that matter to you?” I heaved out aggressively. He cringed, reaching out to soothe me again. I shot him a warning look, not wanting him to come near me. Everything became blurry as the dots in front of my eyes started to merge. The ringing sound in my ears deafened me, and no amount of concentration helped me regain my focus. “Shit!” I heard before I felt myself sag. I was unable to fight it and seconds later blackness consumed me. Buzzing. The only thing that registered as the fog began to clear was a soft buzzing. I felt soothing, rhythmic strokes being swept across my thigh. When I attempted to move, Jonah cursed. I was on a couch. It wasn’t mine. “Stay there. You need to come around properly. You really smacked your head.”

I whimpered, the memory of what had happened slamming into me with force. “Oh God, you said...you killed him! You need to let me out of here. Now.” However, the instant I tried to sit up everything spun, eliciting a moan from me. “Elle, I didn’t kill anyone,” he replied, pushing me back down. “My brother is very much alive.” “But...but you said...” “I know. I worded it wrong. I was trying to frighten you.” I blinked, trying to bring his face into focus, but still feeling very disorientated. I brought my legs closer to my chest, pulling them from his comfort. I didn’t want him touching me right now. All I really wanted was to go home, get into bed, and cry; though I doubted he would let me. “I’ll explain. I will. First, could you take a drink of water and calm down? You scared me.”

“Now you know what it feels like,” I muttered. He placed a glass against my lips, his hand shaking with nerves. I couldn’t look at him. I felt used and incredibly stupid. I could have Googled Jonah’s real name days ago. I was pretty sure it would have turned up the details I now needed. I took a sip, closing my lips as he tried to tip the glass further. “You need to drink,” he demanded. “I don’t need you to tell me what’s good for me. Now let me up. I’m going home.” “You can’t go. You have to let me explain.” I stood abruptly, wobbling on my weak legs. Jonah reached out to steady me. I moved away, wondering why I was no longer wearing shoes. I began to frantically search the room, feeling Jonah standing behind me. I couldn’t decide if he was trying to keep me here or if he was preparing to catch me should I fall. I was desperately trying

to ignore him, forcing myself to think ahead, so I could get out of his apartment. “Your shoes are by the couch,” he croaked. “I took them off when you collapsed.” I ignored him, moving past him to pick them up and walking gingerly toward the door. The atmosphere was suffocating. I was all but gasping for air. A numbness was setting in. I was no longer able to work through the emotions of the last hour; I was leaving. My hand touched the handle. I heard shuffling seconds before Jonah’s hand covered mine. “Please don’t go.” I swallowed, continuing to push on the handle. His fingers flexed; his nails biting into my skin a little. “Please, Red. Let me explain.” I whirled on him. “What? Let you explain? Jonah, I’ve given you more than enough opportunity. I’ve asked you so many times, but all I ever got back was you asking for my trust! I can’t keep giving. You have to stop expecting me to!”

He stared down at the floor, cussing and clenching his jaw. I took a deep breath and mustered what little strength I had. “Now, I’m going, and I suggest you don’t follow me. Just leave me alone.” “But...” I didn’t hear the remainder of his response as I walked out of his door. I concentrated on putting one foot in front of the other, reciting a mantra of walk, walk, walk in my head until I reached my apartment. I thought I would crumble the moment I closed my door, but instead I went into autopilot. I fed Meow, changed into my pajamas, and even though it was two in the morning, I booted up my computer. Sleep would not come to me now even if I wanted it to. My head was spinning, and I needed something to focus on. I wanted to forget the last few hours. Meow jumped up onto my lap, padding at my thigh in an effort to get comfortable. When his claws bit into my flesh I yelped and batted him off me. I watched him skulk across the floor, his tail twitching in annoyance. It seemed everyone was irritated by me at the moment, though I

wasn’t really sure why. I pushed it all to the back of my mind and began working on the codes for a new client website. However, the longer I stared at the screen the more the letters began to jumble. Eventually I was typing nothing but nonsense. At first glance, it looked like nothing more than nonsense, but on closer inspection, it read as a tirade against Jonah. I’d written a page of ramblings, trying to get out everything I hadn’t said to him – everything I should have. I had no idea what had happened with his brother, and his admittance that he had wanted to scare me was too much to bear. I felt used; I refused to stick around to make matters worse. I snarled, twisting my chair to the second monitor, and opened a new window. I typed Benjamin Samuels into the box and hovered over the enter key. I’d stopped myself from doing this before, because I’d wanted Jonah to tell me. Even after tonight he was reluctant, leading me to believe that if I wanted to know about his past, I would have to find out for myself. My fingers touched the key but still didn’t press it. I had to be ready for whatever I found. It wasn’t going to be pleasant.

I hit enter. I scanned the list of entries that appeared, only then grasping the enormity of the mission ahead of me. I grabbed a legal pad off my desk, and picked up a pen, ready to list everything I knew about Jonah. I managed all of three things: the state he was from, his name, and his brother’s name. Quinn Samuels. Other than that, I knew very little about the man I’d fallen for. I replayed conversations with him in my head, trying to find clues. He had told me so little about himself that I drew a blank. I would’ve thought I’d been played had he not made an effort to spend time with me after we were intimate. Jonah didn’t even speak to anyone else, so other than his band mates, I had no one to ask. I doubted that they would tell me anything; they didn’t know me well enough. I pushed my hands through my hair, pulling a bit until I felt the twinge of pain. I was second guessing myself, feeling guilty for invading his privacy, even though he didn’t ever have to know. Would I want him checking up on me like this if the tables were turned? I whimpered, hunching over the desk and resting

my forehead on the glass. The coolness soothed me. A sigh slipped from my lips as I tried to relax. When the table began trembling, I realized I was still shaky and lethargic after fainting. I knew I needed to eat something, but with the nausea welling up in my stomach, food was the last thing I could face. I was certain to spend the remainder of the night vomiting if I did eat. There had been a distinct lack of noises coming from Jonah’s apartment. I’d expected some sort of outburst from him, proof that I meant something to him. It sounded cruel, but his pain would confirm his commitment to me. To us. But no sound came from upstairs. ’Tears stung my eyes; my conscience confirming that I didn’t really want him hurting, no matter what it cost me. I had no choice but to admit defeat when my chair almost rolled out from under me as lethargy slowly consumed my body. However, I didn’t want to go to bed before I’d tried to find out something about Jonah’s brother. Yawning, as I entered his name into the search engine, I braced myself, wary as to what I might find. When the list appeared, I skimmed over it, still not sure that his brother’s name was Quinn Samuels. After a few minutes and a couple of pages, nothing stood out, so I admitted defeat and powered down. I shuffled around my apartment, turning off lights and locking up. It was dead

silent, making the tiny knock on my front door sound more like a thunder clap. I stared at the door, my heart racing. There was only one person that this could be. Did I want to see him feeling this raw? “Elle, it’s me. Please just open the door. I’ll be two minutes, tops.” My resolve crumbled as I exhaled and opened the door. Jonah fidgeted, swaying from one foot to the other. He looked exhausted; his hair was a mess, utterly disheveled from where he’d been running his fingers through it. His eyes were shinning and rimmed red, making me wonder if he had been crying. I stared at him; I wouldn’t be the first one to speak. “I brought you this,” he rasped, passing me an envelope. I frowned. “What is it?” He shoved his fingers roughly into his hair, kicking at the floor. “It’s answers, Red. Everything you’ll ever need.” “In this little envelope?” I replied tartly, lifting it

between us. A low rumble of annoyance filled the air. I stepped back. “Look, I know I’ve fucked up with you, just please read the letter. Maybe then you’ll understand my need for secrets.” “I don’t think there’s ever-” “Just read the letter. You know where I am if you want to talk afterward.” I tried to call him back, but Jonah was already walking over to the stairwell. I watched him leave, sadness settling in my heart. The envelope appeared insignificant enough, yet I got the distinct impression it would be the most important thing I would ever read. It felt like a lead weight in my hands as I carried it into the living room and placed it in my lap. As I stared at the curl of the black handwriting, I knew I didn’t want to read it. I needed him to tell me.

It was important that he trust me enough to verbalize it, regardless of how much pain it could cause him. I was resolved that the secrecy end now. I didn’t bother to check the time or put any shoes on. I stalked from my apartment, letter in hand, and rode the elevator up to his floor. I banged on his front door, impatient for him to answer. When he did my temper couldn’t be contained. “A letter? Do you think you can placate me with this?” He groaned, rubbing at his bare chest, never quite meeting my gaze. “It’s not meant to placate you. It’s everything you wanted to know. I wrote it all down,” he replied sadly. “I don’t want to read about it, Jonah. I could do that on the internet, right?” He nodded, though he didn’t speak. “You told me what your real name was. I saw the

medication, but I didn’t check up on any of that because I want you to tell me!” He cleared his throat, opening the door wider, before whispering, “You’d better come in then...”

I sensed him behind me as I walked to the couch and sat down on the edge. Jonah’s bare feet slapped against the wood floor, each movement echoing around the room. He slumped down next to me; his thigh almost touching mine. He exhaled, pushing his fingers harshly into his hair. I tried not to be affected by his naked, inked torso. “I hoped you would read the letter. I don’t know if I can actually lay myself bare to you,” his tone was laced with hurt. “Tell me,” I pleaded. “I don’t even know where to start.” “Where does your letter start?”

He winced and began picking at the skin around his fingernails. A sense of foreboding surrounded us. For the first time I questioned whether I really wanted to be Pandora, because once the box was opened and the truth was set free there would be no containing it. This was my last chance. “It started with my name,” he uttered, and swallowing thickly before continuing. “I was born Benjamin Samuels, and I was a monster, Elle. At sixteen, I was a ball of burning rage. I felt sorry for anyone that got in my way. My parents tried so hard, but I didn’t give a shit; I was the only person that mattered.” “Aren’t most kids like that?” I placed my hand on his thigh, feeling the tremble of his muscle underneath. “Not like me. I was evil.” The words left his lips with a nasty sneer. It was clear he was disgusted with himself. “I don’t think-” I started, trying to ease his guilt.

He interrupted, “Tell me, were you like that? Did you cause Mommy and Daddy to cry at night?” “Don’t do that! Don’t put up that damn wall! I hate it when you start being obnoxious and aggressive just because I get too close. It makes me question why I’m even bothering.” “Why are you?” I took a moment to calm down, knowing that no matter what I said, he wouldn’t believe me. I had no idea how to get through to him. “Oh, Jonah. I just want to be your friend. I know we jumped in feet first, but the rules are unwritten. We need to start over, take this slow. Friends first.” He shook his head, a small groan slipping from his lips. “I’m scared this will always be between us,” he whispered, breaking my heart. Any anger at his reticence disappeared. He was struggling with this, because he wanted there to be an us.

“I can’t soothe you until I know what it is that I’m battling against. I see the pain you’re in. I want to help, but your words constantly warn me against it. Let me make up my own mind.” His eyes darkened in acceptance. I braced myself, knowing he was needing to release the truth between us. “I stole, I fought, I disrespected. I know you say a lot of teenagers are like that, but I was way worse. I began to hate everyone, but I focused my hate on the guy my Mom had married. I never knew my father, and I actually liked Tom when he first got with my Mom. He officially adopted me, and I took his surname. I suppose,” he paused. “the hate needed a focus, and he was it.” “Is Tom, Quinn’s father?” I questioned, wanting to keep him engaged. He looked off into the distance. I could see he was slipping into the past, recalling the hurt. I wanted to stop it. “Yeah,” he confirmed, nodding his head. “Quinn was the only person I gave a shit about. He was the cutest kid ever, always smiling and laughing. There were days when he’d

be the only member of my family that I’d interact with.” “He’s a lot younger than you?” “Twelve years.” “You were close to him? That’s why you used his name when you changed yours?” Jonah cringed. His face contorting in pain, but when I tried to touch him he recoiled. “His name is my constant reminder.” “Jonah, what did you do?” His Adam’s apple bobbed and his grip tightened on the arm of the couch. I fleetingly wondered if he was going to fob me off again, then he spoke. “I’d been drinking. Heavily. Mom and Tom decided I needed an intervention. At seventeen, I found that laughable. I came home juiced to find my family waiting for me in the living room. I freaked, started yelling and breaking stuff, but when I tried to leave, Tom grabbed my arm and hauled me back inside.” He took a moment, my sense of foreboding growing stronger. “The front door was left open. No one noticed.”

I reached out, entwining my fingers with his, and offered him what little encouragement I could. It was as if he didn’t feel me though. He had zoned out, lost in the memory of that day. When his voice became a shaky whisper, I knew we were getting to the pivotal point of his past. “My parents tried, but after about thirty minutes I couldn’t hack their concern anymore. I took Tom’s car keys off the table and ran out of the house. The neighbors had come out to rubberneck, but I wasn’t thinking. I was drunk and full of rage.” His fingers tightened around mine. His next words were expelled with a great rush of air. “I backed out of the drive without even looking. Quinn was playing...” “Oh no! Oh God, Jonah.” Tears sprang from my eyes, even though I tried I couldn’t stop them. He reached up, swiping away a tear with his thumb as I tried to calm the tremors wracking my body. Jonah nodded slowly and finished his heartbreaking story.

“I fractured his spine, and he’s spent every day since then in a wheelchair. That’s how I took his future away, Elle. That’s why I left home. I’m no better than a murderer.” I blinked, shocked at his comparison. Did he really think he was a murderer? “It was an accident!” I exclaimed. “I was drunk, and I wasn’t paying attention. It was

my fault. I put him in that chair. Don’t make excuses for me.” He pulled away from me, stood up, and began pace the floor. The muscles on his back were tense; the ink rippling with his movement. I tried to digest everything he had told me, as I fought a fog of denial. I couldn’t reconcile the old Jonah with the one I knew. He was no longer Benjamin Samuels. It was obvious, however, that he wouldn’t be the person I presently knew had the incident not happened. My mind spun out of control as I processed the situation that had lead Jonah to me. As reality set in, I became light headed. “Is Quinn in a w-wheelchair permanently?”

“Yes. His injuries are that severe. His spine is fractured at T-9, so he can use his arms and torso, but he has no use of his legs at all.” “Ever?” I asked breathlessly. “Ever.” He was rubbing his chest again, over his heart as if it hurt. I wanted to reach out and hug him, but I had the distinct impression that any comfort from me would be rejected. Jonah was used to his bubble of self-torture. He believed he deserved this kind of isolation. “Do your parents blame you? Is that when they made you leave?” “Elle, did you hear what I just told you? Why are you still sitting there?” His voice cracked and he turned, placing his hands on the wall and dropping his head between his shoulders. Agony bled from every pore, years of pain laid

out in front of me. He was waiting for me to stomp all over him. I hadn’t processed what I was going to do but knew I couldn’t hurt him any further. I stood up, walked over to him, and laid my palm flat in the center of his shoulder blades. He moaned a protest but didn’t move away from me. “The money you send? It’s for your brother?” “You should leave. You need to think about what the hell I just told you,” he snarled. “No. That’s what you expect me to do. You want me to hate you for what you did and walk away. I won’t. I can’t,” I replied, my voice pleading. I fought the urge to wrap my arms around his waist, certain he wouldn’t allow it. I kept my hand on his back; his chest rose and fell rapidly. His skin was cold. “Is this what you told that person five years ago?” I asked, processing his confession.

To my surprise, he hummed in confirmation. When he spoke, it so quiet that I could barely hear, “You think there are more skeletons in my closet? Is this not big enough for you?” “Jonah, I-” He spun, his blue eyes hard chips of stone as they pierced into my very soul. “Yes, this is what I told her, and right about now is when she left. So, go ahead, you know where the door is.” I reached out, cupped his face in my hands, and kissed him fiercely. I captured his gasp of surprise and moved into his arms. His hands skimmed my back as his tongue dipped into my mouth. It was hot and needy as if he was pouring every ounce of anger into the kiss. His teeth skimmed my lower lip. When his fingers flexed on my hips, I knew he was holding back. I whimpered against his tongue, pushing my hands into the back pockets of his jeans, hoping it would chip away at his wall of self-hate. When he backed me up into the nearest wall and took the lead, I knew I was winning. I let his need consume me. I could smell him, feel him. Even though I knew it wasn’t the best idea, I wanted

him. Every ounce of commonsense disappeared. I squeezed his ass through his jeans in encouragement. His fingers laced into my hair and twisted my head to the side, deepening the kiss. He thrust his tongue into my mouth and hummed. The sound reverberated through my body, making my nipples harden. My thighs clenched. His full lips roamed over mine roughly as he ran his fingers through my hair. I felt him push his jean clad thigh between my legs, and he rubbed against my core. Jonah chuckled against my lips when I began to grind against his knee. My fingers trailed lightly down his chest, feeling the ripple of his muscles and the dip of his navel. His skin was satin smooth with a sprinkling of hair that disappeared underneath the waistband of his jeans. I raked my nails across his stomach, making him gasp. “Red,” he rumbled. His lips were swollen from the force of our kisses. I tried not to think about licking them, sucking them. I needed to gain some control back. This kiss was only meant to put a chink in his resolve, but I had been stupid. I hadn’t factored in how my body would respond to his kiss, to his touch.

I looked up into his eyes and became weak kneed by the lust I saw oozing from them. “Red, I need you.” “Oh, Jonah,” I sighed. “I don’t think it’s a good idea.” His brows drew together, creating those little creases on his forehead. “Do you want me? I need to know that,” his voice broke, “that someone wants me.” My arms engulfed him in a tight embrace. He had been bleeding on the inside for far too many years. He had been alone. I wouldn’t let him go solo any longer. I cradled his head, feeling his tears trickled from his eyes onto my shoulder. I let him weep, showing him that he could cry in front of me, and that I would still be here when he was done. I soothed him, stroking his hair and rubbing his back until he gained control of his emotions. “I’m just so tired of hurting, Elle,” he muttered into my neck.

I teased his hair between my fingers, placing a quick kiss on his cheek. “I know, but you don’t have to. It was an accident. It was a series of bad choices you made as a child. I don’t hate you for this.” “Please stop the pain,” he begged, nuzzling my throat. “You always make me feel good.” It was clear what he meant. He could forget his problems when we were intimate. He needed that diversion. I lifted his head, meeting his eyes, wanting him to understand. “I’m here for you, but sex isn’t the answer. If you really thought that, you would have been sleeping around for years, but you haven’t been. Have you?” “No,” he breathed. “We need to work through this. This has gone unresolved for so long that it’s festering away at your insides. You need to deal with it Jonah. And I mean more than sending a check every month.”

My chest tightened at the sadness in his eyes. Jonah was utterly defeated, at his lowest. While our bodies screamed for the heat and pleasure of the bond we shared when we were intimate, I knew it couldn’t happen. Jonah had to resolved his problems. With a heavy heart, I accepted that a relationship would only complicate things worse for him. For us. This was a mess. Trust me to get involved with someone who was an emotional wreck. I could hear J.J. now…out of all the men in New York, Elle just had to latch on to this one. “There’s nothing to deal with,” he affirmed. “I’m alone because of my actions.” “But-” “No buts,” he interrupted, shaking his head as he tried to pull away. I held him, watching the mental struggle flit across his face, before he gave in and hugged me. I listened to him breathe, replaying the events of the night as he took comfort in my embrace. I was in deep; there was no point in

trying to claw my way to the surface. He didn’t frighten me when plenty of others would have been. Jonah needed resolution. He needed to take a step forward; a step that would start his life. “Come on,” I whispered, leading him over to his bedroom. “You need to rest. It’s been a very long night.” “Elle, will you stay with me? Please? I have to know you don’t hate me.” “I don’t hate you, Jonah. Now, lie down.” He crawled up onto the bed, not bothering to remove his jeans, and patted the space next to him. “Please? You need to rest too.” “I’m not having sex with you,” I reiterated, climbing into bed next to him as he chuckled. “I know. I just want to revel in the fact that you didn’t run away once I confessed what I’d done.” I rested my head on the pillow, inhaling a scent

that was pure Jonah and told him to sleep. “We can talk about this tomorrow,” I added. “And we will.” He gave a small nod, before closing his eyes and eventually drifting off to sleep. I didn’t find it that easy. I laid there staring at the ceiling, processing every detail of what he’d confessed. There were still things he hadn’t explained. As much as it pained him, I would need all of the answers before we could begin to move on. I was most concerned about the deep hate he held for himself. After so many years of self-loathing, it would take a lot for him to ever believe he was worthy of care and affection. It would be an uphill battle. I shifted onto my side, taking in his sleeping form, and considered what I’d just opened my heart up to.

I was somewhat disorientated when I woke. Then I felt a gentle, steady breath skim my cheek, and a hot, hard body bracing me from behind. I closed my eyes, enjoying the feel of waking up next to Jonah. By the sound of his breathing, I could tell he was still asleep, and I tried to gently twist around. His arm came around my waist, holding me next to his body. “Morning,” I smiled, my voice husky. His hand slipped up my ribcage, underneath my top; his fingers tickling the underside of my breast. I arched my back, pushing my breast into his hand. At the same time, I felt his eagerness press through his sweats against my spine. His lips touched the shell of my ear, caressing it as he spoke. I felt the vibrations down to my toes.

“Good Morning, Red.” “I love it when you call me that,” I exhaled in contentment. “You must get it all the time,” he chuckled, flicking the pad of his thumb across my pert nipple. “Someone tried once. They never repeated it.” Jonah snorted then pushed on my shoulder, turning me to face him. He looked happy and well rested, something I hoped to see more of. The grin suited him, especially when it was large enough to make his cute little dimples appear at the corner of his lips. “But you don’t want me to stop calling you that? I’m honored.” I kissed the tip of his nose, feeling his pinkie finger link into mine. “I love it when you do that too.” “Really?” He lifted our joined fingers so we were both staring at them as they rested between our chests. His

eyes darkened with sadness as he kissed my knuckles. “It was our thing...” My brows knitted together. “Quinn and I. Instead of kisses – because guys don’t kiss – we would pinkie hug. I miss it, and for some bizarre reason, I subconsciously started to do it with you. How odd is that?” “It’s sweet, personal.” He gave a small nod, still looking at our hands. I could tell he was miles away, thinking about his brother along with everything that had happened since that day; the day that had changed everything for him. It was apparent no one had forgiven him for his childish mistakes, just as Jonah had yet to forgive himself. I felt useless in my comfort. All I could offer was a hug, kiss, or a shoulder to cry on, not that Jonah did much crying. That would be the hardest part of all. “Let’s do something today,” I declared, trying to bring him out of his own thoughts.

A solitary brow rose as he licked his lower lip. “Like?” I shrugged. “I just want to see you smile.” “You make me smile. Just having you here makes everything seem a bit better.” He closed his eyes, nuzzling my knuckles and taking a deep breath. “Jonah, I’ll do what I can to help you. I can’t help myself anymore; I care about you.” His eyes shot open; his pupils dilating as they tried to zone in on me. I didn’t like the coldness of his expression. He frowned at me, and recoiled when I reached out to touch his face. “Jonah, I-” “Don’t say that!” He spat. “Don’t ever say that.” “But it’s true! You can’t expect me to be impervious to you, and I can’t deny what I feel.” I tried to reach out again.

“No,” he interrupted. “Don’t touch me.” I sat up and stared at him, completely perplexed with his change of attitude. Last night he’d needed me and embraced the comfort I offered. Now he was on lockdown with every emotion he had held behind gates of steel. I thought we’d reached an understanding; he said he wanted to enjoy time with someone who knew the truth. Why did that change when he knew my heart was involved? Did he not feel the same for me? I swallowed down my anxiety but couldn’t stop my stomach from churning. It became worse when Jonah shifted across the mattress. He sat on the edge with his back to me; his tattoos standing out starkly against his pale skin. My fingers itched to touch them, to touch him. I knew him enough to know that once he shut down, no amount of care would turn it around. “You should leave. I told you to go last night,” he responded, his words like ice. “But then you said you wanted my comfort,” I pointed out.

“I was stupid.” He stood up, keeping his back to me. “I can’t expect you to want any kind of relationship with me, knowing what you do. I got carried away by the freedom I feel when I’m around you. I shouldn’t have. There’s a reason I let no one in, and now you know. Don’t hate me, Red. I don’t ever want to hurt you. I’m stopping this before you’re in a prime position for me to fuck you up. Just see this for what it is.” “And that would be?” I moved off the bed, stalking angrily over to him, intent on getting some answers. His mood swings drove me crazy. Though I could understand why he was like this. He couldn’t continue being alone. Jonah Quinn was crying out for someone to understand him, but the more I tried the more he seemed to push me away. “I’m not going to spell it out for you. I’m not that cruel.” “Are you trying to say that we were nothing more than sex? Are you kidding me?” I asked, raising my voice.

“I just thought I made it clear that I can’t be with anyone.” Anger coursed through my blood, heating it until I could barely hang on to my sanity. He was throwing rocks, trying to get me to retreat, and they stung. My voice came out high pitched and slightly hysterical, “When? When did you tell me that? When you were singing to me? When you set up the roof for a very personal movie date? Or was it when you had me up against a tree in the park? How about when I had my hand in your shorts, feeling just how aroused you were? Because I don’t recall having that conversation with you, Jonah!” He kicked the bed, letting a juicy curse rip through the air, but I was on a roll. I wouldn’t be discarded twice by this man. I had more respect for myself than that. He didn’t need to hurt me like this, no matter how much pain he was in. “I know what you’re trying to do, and as much as I’d like to say that it isn’t working, I can’t. You are driving me away. It was you that said this was supposed to the fun part, the beginning of something new and all that. I really want to help you, but you’re making this far from easy.”

“Yeah, well, welcome to my world. Nothing’s easy.” He kicked the bed again, wincing when he caught his bare foot on the wood. “That’s because you’re making it this way!” I protested, pushing my finger into his chest, trying to get him to look at me. “You trusted me enough to tell me what happened, so why won’t you trust me enough to help you? Or is it more important for you to be right?” “I don’t know what you mean.” “The hell you don’t!” I snarled. “You just want to prove that no one gives a shit about you. But I do!” Jonah opened his mouth, so I talked right over him. “You messed up. It affected your brother in ways I can’t imagine, but at some point you need to resolve the hurt and move forward.” “So easily done,” he responded sarcastically.

“Ten years! It’s been ten years. That’s a fucking long time to hate yourself,” I pointed out, wishing I hadn’t as he pushed passed me and thundered into the living room. “Jonah, you can’t keep ignoring me.” “I can,” his mumble was so low that I barely heard it. In some ways, I wished I hadn’t. My heart began to crack, my chest tightened in pain. “What happened to you in the space of a few short hours? Last night you let me hug you. You allowed me to kiss you. At one point you reached out for me. Why are you being like this now?” I knew what the answer was; it was because I’d admitted to falling for him. Tears began pricking the back of my eyes, and my throat closed so tight that I found it hard to swallow. He coughed as he leaned over the kitchen counter, baring his back to me again. His muscles were taut. The hooded figure tattooed on his ribs was more sinister than ever. I shivered and wrapped my arms around

my waist. “I’m doing this because I should never have taken it this far. I’ve involved you in something that I shouldn’t have. I just couldn’t help myself, especially after you spoke to me. Then there was your attack...” “Don’t,” I whispered. “Yeah, it’s not nice when someone wants to discuss experiences that you’d rather forget, is it, Elle?” I could hear the sneer in his words. I didn’t need to see his face to know that his lips were curling in disgust. This was going nowhere fast as Jonah was now firmly in his shell. He would do everything he could to keep me from getting any closer. How many times was I going to let this happen? Was this precarious relationship really worth the heartache? Could I really be so lonely that I’d continue to accept this rejection from him? Resolve sluiced like ice cold water, putting out the fire in my blood and giving me perfect clarity. My voice

shook, along with my body, when I spoke. I pushed past it, saying what I needed to, “I’m leaving. I can’t do this anymore. I’m not a doll. You can’t keep picking me up and cuddling me, only to toss me aside a few moments later. I won’t be your emotional blankie.” His shoulders sagged. “I thought we were heading somewhere, thought we were growing closer. It turns out I was wrong. I’m not sticking around and allowing you to continue trampling all over my heart.” “Your heart?” Jonah croaked. “Don’t pretend you didn’t know. It’s the reason you’ve shut down. I started to fall for you the moment you opened your mouth, Jonah. My feelings have continued to grow as I’ve gotten to know you, spent time with you. I don’t know where you thought this was heading, but obviously we aren’t on the same page. I’m sorry it has to be this way.” I staggered to the door, remembering I hadn’t worn any shoes but needing to find my keys. Jonah must have turned and seen my struggle, because he growled, “Your keys are in the bowl near the door.”

I rushed over, snatched them up, and turned the door handle. “I’m sorry, Red.” I stared out at the empty corridor, sadness consuming my system. “I believe you, but I don’t think you’re sorry enough. If you were, you’d understand what you’re losing by allowing me to walk out of this door.” “I do understand that.” “No, you don’t. I’m not making myself a doormat here, but Jonah, if you need me...if you have another...attack, then call me. You have my number. I’m only downstairs. Goodbye.” I stepped into the corridor and pulled the door closed, hearing a strangled “Elle” as I closed it completely. I walked down the stairs to my apartment, my body numb and unable to process my feelings any longer. I’d opened my heart up, knowing Jonah had secrets. And though I’d been willing to help him with them, there is only so much one person can take. Tears threatened to spill. My chest ached as I took step after slow step over to my front door. I

was so absorbed in my own little world that I didn’t even see my neighbor clutching Meow. “Another night at that young man’s, Elle?” I stared at her, the words she’d spoken taking longer than usual to register. “Honey, are you okay? You’re looking very pale, and where are your shoes?” I reached out, stroking Meow and wanting nothing more than to curl up in bed and cuddle with him for comfort. “I’m fine. Jonah and I had an argument. It’s kind of upset me. It’s nothing serious. You don’t need to worry about me, Mrs. Kindle.” She made a sucking sound with her teeth, shaking her head and pursing her lips. “Silly girl, you’re here all alone. Of course I’m going to worry about you. Your Momma wouldn’t want you in that apartment crying away to yourself, would she?”

“Actually, I think talking to my Momma is just what I need right now.” I took Meow from her, my heartbeat slowing as I petted him. “I didn’t mean to scare you. I just need a shower and chat. Thank you.” Mrs. Kindle tapped my arm and shot me a weak smile then let me enter my apartment. It was in the same state of disarray that I’d left it yesterday. I mumbled, looking around at the mess before taking action. I placed Meow on the floor, watching him sulk off into my bedroom, and after picking up a trashcan, I began purging all the garbage from my life. Granted, I couldn’t remove the heartache I was currently feeling, but I could make my life as new and as pure as possible, because maybe then I could forget. Maybe I could move on. Music floated down from Jonah’s apartment and rage began to build again. He’d brushed me aside as if I was nothing. The music, along with the soft style he had chosen, enraged me further. So with the express purpose of getting under his skin, I stomped over to my iPod docking station, switched it on, and turned it up as loud as it would go. No doubt my neighbors would come knocking. I’d only leave it on as long as necessary; just long enough to show Jonah Quinn that I wouldn’t crumble. For the next four hours I cleaned every room,

every closet, every drawer. The garbage bags began to stack up on my fire escape. The music continued to blare. I was still wearing the pajamas I’d tugged on the night before. Now they were dirty and had a small tear at the bottom of the spotty yellow tank. I stared at the rip, touching it with my fingers as I wondered how I’d done it. My thumb grazed the frayed material; my hand shaking as reality punched me in the gut. My legs gave out from under me. I fell to the floor, tears dripping down my face in a slow, steady stream, and Meow came to comfort me. I’d been here before, in this exact place, doing the exact thing, over the exact same man. That thought sobered me. Nathan hadn’t done this to me. I’d been with him for years, so why should I let Jonah? I’d tried with him, shown him that his confession didn’t change the way I looked at him, but he was so preoccupied with his own hate that he couldn’t see what I was offering. I refused to keep banging my head against his wall. I needed to move on and give Jonah what he wanted – a future without me.

Over the next four weeks I tried to push Jonah from my mind. My anger was the one thing that kept the tears at bay. I’d yet to decide who I was more annoyed with, myself or Jonah. My inherent need to save him had left me vulnerable, and even though I knew from the start he’d end up hurting me, it hadn’t altered the outcome. I was the second person he had told the truth to, and because I hadn’t reacted in the way he had expected, he was the one to run scared. So I worked hard, altered the time I took my daily run, and focused on my friends. Though I hadn’t intended to, I ended up explaining everything to J.J. She came over one afternoon to reclaim her expensive, designer scarf back. When I couldn’t find it, I had to explain that it probably went into the trash. She was annoyed, but when I started to cry, she eased up. I pushed

aside the guilt I felt for betraying Jonah’s trust and I told her everything. I held nothing back, and to her credit, she didn’t freak out like I had expected her to. J.J. listened to every word; nodding, agreeing, and hugging me at all the right places. She had even suggested I take a trip back home, knowing I needed my Mom.. The idea was appealing, but I would be returning home soon enough. I refused to spend Christmas anywhere else. So from that moment on, J.J. took it upon herself to keep me continually busy. She didn’t care if I was working, or out at a bar with her and Eli, as long as I was doing something. She wouldn’t allow me to pine for the guy upstairs, taking every chance she had to remind me that I was too good for him. He didn’t deserve me. She would avoid talking about him in detail. It was usually me that raised the subject. J.J. would wince, knowing how much his silence hurt me. She listened, never passing judgment, and tried to help me. We had become closer than ever before; she was like the sister I always wanted. We never went back to The Cellar. I hadn’t seen Jonah at all. The only reason I knew

he was still in his apartment was the music he played which floated down into my apartment. It was always sad, always haunting, and most of the time, it brought tears to my eyes. I had stopped myself, on at least four occasions, from going up to his apartment just to check on him. I still cared. I still worried. It was Jonah who wasn’t ready, that much was very clear. I realized he’d been shocked when I hadn’t ran for the hills after the truth came out. He had expected me to leave him like everyone else in his life did, but I couldn’t. I had a hard time wrapping my head around why he would drive someone who cared for him beyond the point of no return. He hurt me, but I still missed him. As much as I wanted to wallow, I did my best not to, but my heart still ached. “Are you really just going to stand there and gawk at me?” J.J. asked, pulling me out of my haze. She was applying black eye shadow to a blond model, pouting and waiting for me to answer. One of my clients wanted a fresh new website, so after meeting with him, he’d suggested I take a tour of the building, only to find my best friend working here. She was the makeup artist who would be working with the models for the website the remainder of the week.

“Sorry. I zoned out.” “Jonah?” I shook my head. I wasn’t about to start this conversation here. I didn’t feel happy today, and talking about Jonah would bring me down further. I sighed in defeat and leaned back against the wall, watching the hustle and bustle as the set was prepared. J.J. was chattering away, whether it was aimed at me or the model in the chair, I couldn’t be sure, though I nodded anyway. “Eli’s here, you know. He’s looking all hot in a black pinstripe suit, making out like he’s an executive. It’s cute really. I’ve told him he needs to take the suit home or buy one. Either way I’m having a piece of his tailored-ass tonight,” she giggled, and when she blinked a glimmer shone across her face. “Do you have rhinestones on your lashes?” “Oh, yes! Do you like them? I’m trialing them for a cosmetics company. I’m loving them. The looks on people’s faces every time I blink, is priceless. Want some? I have a box full.”

“No, thanks. They’re not very me. I don’t have anywhere to wear them anyway. It’s not like I have a busy social life these days, huh?” “You could,” she smiled slyly. I glared at her, confused by what she was inferring. “If you took a look over to your right – the guy in the gray shirt?” “Blond hair?” I replied, trying to look over at him as covertly as possible. “Yup. He’s a friend of Eli’s. He saw you at the bar the other night. Told me to tell you that you have a fan. Why don’t you go and say hi?” My heart clenched in denial right away, while my head begged to differ. I could feel J.J. staring at me as I looked over at the man in question. He was blond, which was a plus because I’d had enough of brunettes. I couldn’t

see the color of his eyes, but he was far skinnier than I would usually go for. I blushed furiously when he raised a solitary brow at me. He’d caught me checking him out. “I can’t.” “You can,” she retorted, starting to apply some blush with a huge brush. “He’s already made the first move. He just wants coffee and a chat with you. Go on, be nice.” “How old is he? He looks kind of young.” She rolled her eyes, sending more spectrum’s of color in my direction. “It doesn’t matter.” She flicked her brush at me. “Shoo!” “I d-don’t even know his name,” I stammered, knowing my protest was weak. J.J. tossed a makeup brush onto the counter and retrieved a tube of mascara, when her model spoke up, “Skinny blond? His name’s Beau.” “Pardon?” I spluttered, trying not to snort at the

name. A model named Beau was priceless. J.J. had no such problem; she was chuckling away, clutching onto her stomach. “Beau. That’s what he’s called. I’m not joking, either.” I huffed and made a note to berate J.J. later. I wasn’t amused at all. Before I had a chance to figure out what to say to him, there was a light tap on my shoulder. I heard J.J. snort somewhere behind me. I would get her back for this. I turned to greet him, hoping that my smile looked convincing as I surreptitiously took in his appearance. The problem was I compared each characteristic I groaned internally, noting how different he looked compared to Jonah; this did not bode well. I correlated the length of his hair, the sharpness of his cheekbones, the lack of embarrassment, and the fact that he had no dimples whatsoever. He was rather disappointing and, as it turned out, the type of man I was attracted to a very specific type of man.

One. “Hi,” he grinned, holding out his hand for me to shake. He had a large gold ring on his pinkie finger. I grimaced. This guy was not for me. “I’m Beau. Seems you know J.J.” “Yeah, I do. I’m Elle.” “I know,” he replied smugly, reminding me of the first words that Jonah spoke to me. I shook his hand, unsure of what else to say to him. He seemed nice enough. He just wasn’t what I wanted. “Elle’s going to be working around here-” “I’m not!” I protested, interrupting J.J. “I’m doing the web design. I’m just getting a feel for the place. You probably won’t see me here again.”

“Shame. You’re easy on the eyes, and I like a great view.” I held back a retch. Mr. Smooth was a little too much too soon, and by the look on J.J’.’s face she knew it as well. To be fair, he was attractive, but I was a no go zone at present. Even for a guy who was the exact opposite of Jonah Quinn. “So...Um, I better check out the rest of the building. I have a lot to do before I can launch the website.” I made a face at J.J. It was a warning that I’d be having words with her later. She didn’t care, just stuck her tongue out in response. I tried to move around Beau. He stepped to the side, blocking my path and smiled inanely. “Don’t go just yet. You’ve only just arrived, and it’d be great to get to know you a bit better.” “I have work to do,” I replied, trying to keep my tone light.

“I could totally help.” He linked his arm through mine, and waved at J.J., before escorting me over to the door. I tried to protest, looking back at my friend for intervention, but she pretended to be absorbed in her mascara application. My revenge would be served cold; her desertion wouldn’t go unpunished. “Don’t you have some modeling to do?” I asked lamely. He ruffled a hand through his spiky, blond hair. I couldn’t help noticing how tight his shirt stretched across his chest. Beau was more toned than I’d first thought. He quirked his lips in a cheeky smirk and stepped forward. “I do. However, I’m far more interested in you right now than posing in front of a camera. Although, the idea of getting you and a camera is way more distracting. You get me?” I couldn’t stop the bubble of laughter that spilled from my lips, so once I started laughing I couldn’t stop. It felt so good after weeks of sadness and crying. Beau was

staring at me as if I was going insane, but it was exhilarating. “She’s not as mad as she appears,” J.J. said, after walking over to join us. I was still giggling when I noted the slight tilt of her head in reply to something Beau had said. I could see his lips moving, but the sound of my own accelerated breathing filled my ears. I couldn’t quite hear what he’d asked me. I nodded, and when J.J. patted me on the back, whispering “Good girl,” I knew I’d done something very wrong. I glared at her back as she retreated and turned back to Beau. I didn’t need to ask for clarification. He made himself very clear. He leaned forward and kissed my cheek, before whispering in my ear. “I’ll pick you up at seven. We’re going clubbing, so dress light...and very tight.” And with that he slapped my ass and left. My mouth hung open as my head tried to accept what I’d said yes to.

I’d just accepted a date with a man I wasn’t even sure I liked.

“...So there I was, in the middle of nowhere, with the strangest looking dude I’ve ever seen, and I was expected to make him look amazing. I told them I was good, but damn, I’m not that good!” The whole table erupted into fits of laughter. I smiled, having heard the story a hundred times and not really wanting to be there. The date turned out to be a double with J.J. and Eli which made me more receptive. I was still infuriated at her for telling Beau where I lived. She’d given him a false sense that I was totally on board with the evening out. I wasn’t ready, and the more time I spent in Beau’s company, the clearer this fact became. Beau slipped his arm around the back of my chair, sending a waft of his musky cologne in my direction. It was nice, manly, but I instantly compared it to Jonah’s

scent. I growled to myself, wondering if there would be any getting away from him. I had to stop longing for someone who didn’t want me. “Having fun, Red?” I cringed, pulling back from him as if he had slapped me. I didn’t know one word could be so painful. It wasn’t as if people hadn’t referred to me by that name before, because I’d gotten it all my life. The name now associated with a new level of intimacy, one I didn’t like associating Beau with. “A-are you alright?” He questioned, the nerves showing in his slight stammer. “Can you not call me that,” I uttered. “Please?” He nodded, his eyes darting fervently around the table. He was checking to see whether J.J. or Eli had been watching us, but they appeared to be locked in a conversation of their own. I felt guilty. He had been pleasant the entire evening, nicer than I originally thought he’d be. But he wasn’t my type. I only had one type. As much as I like to think I was coping well with everything, I wasn’t, and

Beau didn’t deserve to be strung along like this. For the rest of the meal, I became quiet and subdued. I pushed the fruit around the bowl, trying hard not to think about him, but in doing that I did think about him. It was a vicious circle. I hated it. I wanted to go home. The atmosphere around the table had grown tense. No one was making eye contact. The whole date was a bust. “Do you ladies want to get your coats? We’ll sort out the bill, won’t we Eli?” J.J. was more than happy to. I had to fight an eye roll at the chauvinistic attitude. I could pay for my own food, but J.J. proceeded to drag me out of the restaurant with surprising force. She must have seen the annoyance written all over my face. I tapped my heel impatiently against the wall as we waited for our coats. I snapped when we stepped out onto the sidewalk. “You know I hate you for this, don’t you?”

“I just wanted you to stop the pity party. If being mad at me is the only way, then so be it.” J.J. didn’t see that she’d done anything wrong, and maybe she was just trying to cheer me up, but I couldn’t sit and pretend to enjoy myself when I wasn’t. “I’m not ready, J.J.” “Sure you are,” she replied smugly as we began to stroll down the street. “Anyway, he isn’t exactly asking for your hand in marriage, is he? Beau just wants some fun, Elle. Calm down.” “I’m going home,” I stated, pulling J.J. back from the men. J.J. scowled at me, but I didn’t wait around to hear what she had to say. I hailed a cab and was climbing into it as she yelled for Eli and Beau to stop walking. My cell started to ring within minutes of me taking a seat, and after checking the screen, I chose to ignore it. I wasn’t going to argue with J.J. about this. I should have said no. I should

have put my foot down from the start, because deep down, I knew I wasn’t ready to move on. I felt guilty for leaving them there like that, just not enough to turn around. She should have left me to deal with my own social life or lack thereof. I had been doing just fine going for drinks with her and Elijah; I didn’t need the extra complication. After paying the driver and riding the elevator up to my apartment, all I could think about was running a bath and shutting the world out. However, as I walked from the elevator, I could see something resting on the mat outside of my door. I moved closer, making out what looked like a magazine wrapped in a pink polka-dot bow. When I bent down to retrieve it, my eyes fixed on the handwriting. I knew the script; I’d seen it before. My hands shook; my heart feeling like it was in a vice grip as I entered my apartment. I dropped my purse onto the floor, my keys following suit. I sat on the couch, numbness overcoming me. I had heard nothing from him in weeks. I didn’t get why he would send me a present now. He had to know how much his rejection hurt. Surely he realized how hard I was fighting to get over him? With trembling fingers, I opened the bow and

looked at what he’d sent me. I let out a gasp as I realized he hadn’t just sent it to me, Jonah had drawn this for me. It was a graphic novel made for me, and amongst the characters, I recognized a tall redhead. Her name was Ellectric. She was searching for the true identity of the hooded figure. I was entranced by the images, devouring every detail of the sketches on the page. It was our story, and I was taken aback when I got to the last page. The hooded assassin lowered his cape, revealing his true form. Jonah.

This is me. You’ve seen it all, and now I need your help. You have the power to heal wounds like I have never encountered. I need that. Elle, I need you. The words written on the page made tears trickle from my eyes. They plopped onto the page, leaving a pool at the feet of the drawn Jonah. He was reaching out for me, and every cell in my body was telling me to go to him. This was his way of lowering the wall, of allowing me entrance into his life, into his hurt. The voice that had held me at bay for weeks wasn’t telling me to stop anymore. In fact, it was screaming at me to do the opposite. I didn’t debate. I didn’t even try to

talk myself out of it. I took the paper novel and rushed across to my front door, intending to go upstairs and see Jonah. When I opened it, I walked right into a hard body. A humph was expelled from both me and the body. When two hands gripped my biceps, I knew who it was. “Slow down, Red.” The rumble of his words had my insides fluttering and my heart singing. I held up the book. “You made this for me,” I said, breathlessly. “Did you read it?” He asked, his voice husky and low. “Yes. All of it.” He exhaled loudly, his eyes darting around my face as he tried to assess my emotions. I could see his struggle. I wanted to ease it, but he had to know I wasn’t a doormat. “Jonah, you hurt me. Again. You rejected me when all I wanted to do was help you. I told you I wasn’t a doll you could pick up and put down depending on your mood. I’m

still not.” “Oh, Elle, I’m so sorry. I messed up. I messed up bad. What’s in that book is no lie. I need you to help me. I want to be whole.” “I’m not your fairy godmother. I can’t wave a magic wand and make it all better. My kiss won’t heal you. I’m just me. Jonah, you keep taking but you give very little in return,” I said honestly. “I could never hate you for something that happened ten years ago. However, I dislike what you’re doing now. I dislike what you’re doing to me! Jonah, you need to try harder.” He nodded, shuffling on his feet, flicking at the pages off the book I held. “I want to. I need to.” I moved away, allowing him to enter my apartment, allowing him into my heart, and praying once again, that he wouldn’t break it.

The silence was deafening; the atmosphere oppressive. I refused to make small talk and pretend everything was all right. Jonah needed to stop hiding, to start dealing with this. Only then would he have any hope of being part of a relationship. I admit I wanted to be the one to hold his hand through this, but I had to draw a line somewhere. I couldn’t let him use me for quick bouts of comfort, and he knew it. He had acknowledged as much in the comic book he had drawn for me. The ball was still firmly in his court. I clutched the book close to my chest, staring out across the room and listening to Jonah’s deep breaths. I was beginning to wonder if he would ever speak, when he finally did.

“You scare me,” he declared. My brows knitted together, perplexed by his words, as he continued. “You showed me that there is a way out of this void I’ve been in. Those times we were together were the best moments I’ve had in ten years.” “No way,” I snorted softly. “Better than when your novels were published? Better than the first time your band played a decent gig?” “Yes. Better than every one of those.” I stared at him in disbelief, but chose to say no more. It all finally clicked. I understood why he shut me down and pushed me away, which made forgiving him easier. “I didn’t set out to fall in love with you. I know you don’t like that I feel this way, but that’s the truth of the matter. I refuse to take a step back, Jonah. I won’t crush what I feel because it makes your denial easier,” I stated adamantly.

He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees and exhaled, “I don’t think I’m asking you to.” “Think? Seriously, I’m tired of the pushing and pulling here. I get that you have more baggage than the average guy does. I’ve accepted that. I never blamed you or said anything disparaging about what happened to Quinn. In fact, I was on your side. I saw the incident for what it was – a terrible accident. It was, and still is, you, that can’t accept that.” I swallowed, breathing deeply to try and get a grip on my composure. Raging on wouldn’t get us any further and would only make me feel better for a few minutes. So instead we sat in silence, neither one of us sure of what to do next. I studied his hands as he worried them, watched his foot tap to an inaudible beat. I averted my gaze when his met mine. All the while I held his comic to my chest as if it was a barricade between the pain Jonah inflicted on my heart. When he reached out, his fingertips touching mine, I jumped, startled by the sparks that shot up my arm. He cleared his throat, prodding his pinkie against mine, silently seeking a way in. It was endearing in its naivety, but I held back.

“I need your help, Red,” he muttered a few moments later. “What I wrote in there...” He pointed at the book. “It was all true. You’re the only one that can help me through this – the only one I want. I don’t know if what I feel for you is love. I’m not able to examine that yet, but I do care for you. I wouldn’t be fighting to make myself better if I didn’t.” “You haven’t been fighting,” I pointed out, ignoring the flash of shock that flitted across his face. “You’ve been hiding and wallowing.” I finally linked my pinkie in his, offering him a weak smile. His shoulders lowered in relief. “I need to ask you something before we discuss

us. I have to know this, because it’s relevant to your situation.” Jonah nodded and moved from his place on the chair to sit next to me on the couch. Uncertainty swirled in his eyes as he pulled my hands to rest in his lap. His thumb stroked my knuckles, impatiently waiting for me to ask my question.

I was unsure how to ask the question. It was such a sensitive topic. I decided ripping the virtual band aid off was the most viable option. I squeezed his hands tightly and locked my eyes to his. “Did your parents really disown you? Because I feel like I’m not matching the puzzle pieces together correctly. You told me you talk to them once a year, yet you send them money. From what I gather, this is the first time they’ve refused the check. I’m confused. I’m tired of playing games and just want it all laid out in front of me. I think it’s the only way we stand a chance of moving forward together.” I watched the slow bob of his Adam’s apple, the honesty of the conversation affecting him. I could understand the hesitation. He’d never been this open with anyone before. He was finally dealing with it, pain and all. He knew, just as much as I did, that this would be the crux of our relationship; if Jonah refused to work through his past, there was no hope for our future. “After it happened...” he began, his words barely a whisper. “After the doctors had explained Quinn’s prognosis, my parents became distant. Tom had been wild at first, threatening to do the same to me, to make me pay, all of which I understood. It was the calm clarity I couldn’t

cope with. He and Mom seemed to band together in their sympathy for me, although they grew apart from each other. I saw the wedge that had now being driven between them. It was me, my fault. He was the only father I’d ever known, and I couldn’t stand the thought that I would be the one to split them up.” I nodded, stoking his forearm. Jonah cringed but continued. “They went days without saying anything to each other, except news of Quinn. Watching them made my chest split open with guilt. I’d robbed my brother of his future, possibly split up the two people who had done nothing but love me, and fucked over everyone that had gotten in my way. When the disgusting reality hit me, that there wasn’t a single reason I’d done it besides being a pissed off teenager, I couldn’t stand myself.” “Jonah, kids do stupid things-” I interjected, only to have him shut me down. “Please, don’t make excuses for me.” “I’m not,” I huffed. “I wish you would listen to me.

Hear the words I’m speaking. I’m not making excuses; I’m saying that sometimes there isn’t a reason.” He scowled. “No reason for why my brother can’t use his legs? Elle, really?” I pulled away from him, glaring before shoving at his chest. “Are you an angry little shit now? Huh, Jonah?” I pushed again, taking note of the confusion as it flitted across his face. “Do you still want to dismiss the world? Hate everyone in it?” His gripped my wrists, holding them firmly between us, as he breathed, “No.” He repeated the word, this time his voice cracking. “No.” “Still hate your parents?” “No,” he replied shakily, the tremor wracking his body. I tried one more time, hoping to get through. “Do you still resent your brother?” A whimper bubbled up and exited his lips

seconds before he sagged against me. Jonah Quinn crumbled, crying into my lap, clinging to me as if I was all that kept him afloat. I enveloped him in my embrace, letting him unleash every ounce of grief and guilt that had rotted inside of him for the last ten years. I stroked his head, wiped the tears from his cheeks, and whispered soothing words, knowing that he needed to break like this. We stayed like that, a bundle of raw emotion, for almost an hour. At one point I thought he had fallen asleep. Once again, we were having our most intimate talk in the early hours of the morning. I was exhausted, and close to drifting off to sleep, when Jonah spoke, again. “My parents didn’t kick me out; I left. It was the day Quinn returned from rehabilitation. When they went to bring him home I packed, left a letter, and have never returned.” “Oh, Jonah...” “His medical care is expensive, so that’s what I send the money for. That’s also what drove me to get a decent paying job. I didn’t get much from the first comic I sold, nevertheless, I sent them the full amount. I was still living in a motel at the time; they needed it more than I did.”

“Was this the first time your parents rejected it?” I asked, combing my fingers through his hair. He turned his head, looking up at me from my lap. His eyes were red from the tears; his cheeks were mottled from where they had trickled down. Every cell in my body called to end his torture. I resolved to do whatever was required. “Yeah, I just don’t get why.” “Um, did you call them to ask?” He sat up, his shoulders set. I thought this was about to turn nasty then he shook his head. I reached out, cupping his face in my hands, and bit back the urge to kiss him better. “Why not? They talk to you, don’t they?” “My parents don’t hate me, if that’s what you’re asking. I’m the one that removed myself from them, not the other way around. Sometimes I think they don’t understand why I stay away.”

“Maybe they don’t,” I replied, smoothing his cheekbones with my thumbs. “Is it so hard to believe that they could feel the same way I do? That it was a mistake you all have paid dearly for.” Jonah turned his face into my palm, nuzzling it and closing his eyes as he enjoyed the moment. “It’s too late,” he mumbled. “Too much time has gone by now.” “You’re wrong, Jonah Quinn, so very wrong. I’m going to prove it to you.” I pressed my mouth against his in a lingering, chaste kiss. “Thank you for opening up to me. Now it’s late, I’m exhausted, and the sun is coming up.” “I’ll go-” he started, trying to move from the couch, but I stopped him. I stood, linking my fingers in his and smiled at the shock playing across his face. “Let’s get a few hours sleep. Then we’re going to sort it all out, starting with a phone call to your parents.”

Jonah tried to back away as I continued to move toward my bedroom. There was only a moment of struggle before he grumbled and gave in, following me into the room. He needed reassurance, and that’s what I intended to offer.

I woke to the smell of fried bacon and fresh coffee. It was bliss. I stretched my legs, wiggling my toes, only to squeal and pull them back when Meow took a swipe at them. He hissed when I nudged him off the bed, and my eyes darted to the door as I heard a throaty chuckle. “Was he trying to steal your warmth?” “No more than you were last night,” I grinned, smoothing out the comforter so that he could place the tray full of food down. “You really didn’t need to do this.” “I’ve been awake a while, and had to do

something, otherwise I would’ve woken you up.” The side of his mouth quirked, flashing a tiny hint

of dimple and lust began to pool low in my belly. I had to remind myself that now wasn’t the time. We still had a lot to discuss. Surely we could take a tiny timeout to enjoy each other though. Jonah sat cross legged at the edge of the bed, pointing at my heavily creased, purple party dress. “You should’ve changed out of that,” he pointed out, handing me a hot mug of coffee. “I didn’t want to disturb you. I wasn’t uncomfortable. It’s not the first time I’ve slept in my clothes.” Jonah took a bite of toast, chewing as he mulled something over. “You know, I’ve slept with you more times than anyone else in my entire life.” “Yeah? It is a bit strange how you’ve trusted me enough to allow me to sleep next to you, and yet you fought letting me in.” “You’re in now,” he pointed out, his voice gruff. “And we should talk about that,” I replied, patting the space next to me.

He crawled up the bed, his hair flopping forward so much that it fell into his eyes. I lifted my hand, and as he settled himself in, I combed his hair back, arranging it as best I could. “You think I should call them? Today?” “Only if you want to.” I ran my hand down his face, cupping his neck. “It’s your choice; it always will be. I feel you all need to start healing, and one call will give you insight into how difficult it’s going to be. I’ll stay with you, if you want.” “I don’t...I...” “Jonah, just tell me,” I demanded, keeping my voice as light as possible. “I know it won’t be that difficult. Each time I call, my mom cries because she wants to see me. It has been me that’s been holding back, Red. Not my family.” “And your brother?”

He cast his eyes down, placing a small kiss on my wrist and then spoke, “He asks to talk to me, but I refuse.” “Guilt?” Jonah nodded, loss rolling off him in waves. I wrapped my arms around him, peppering his neck with kisses, wanting nothing more than to see this man happy. No matter what he had done in the past, he had paid for it in tears and isolation. I refused to let him live that way anymore, even if he never returned my feelings. “Let’s eat, and then we’ll see how you feel, alright?” He moved away, only so that he could bring the tray of food onto his lap. I sighed at the first taste of the salty bacon; my taste buds tingling. Jonah placed his arm over my shoulder. It lifted his T-shirt up, giving me a flash of a small tattoo on his hip bone. I lowered my hand, tracing the two circles, along with the line that bisected them. It was the same symbol I’d seen on the graphic novel I’d purchased. “What does this mean?”

He looked down, as if he didn’t know what I was referring to and gave a short huff. “Nothing. Well, it’s sort of my initials.” I bent down, trying to look closer. I didn’t understand what he meant. He began to explain, tracing his finger over the black ink. I still couldn’t see what he was explaining, but I didn’t stop him. The moment felt so intimate, more so than ever before. I surprised myself when I placed my lips on the tattoo and kissed it tenderly. His fingers delved into my hair. I thought he was about to pull me away, but he cupped the back of my head and held me close. “Elle,” he sighed. I shushed him, kissing his hip again, before skimming my fingers along the waistband of his sweats and heading for his other hip. When I tugged on the elastic, Jonah gasped. “I wanted to see if you had one over here too,” I said innocently.

“There isn’t one,” he responded breathlessly. Jonah shifted, moving his hips away from me. He appeared uncomfortable, yet kept his hand in my hair. “Elle, we shouldn’t-” I sat back up, kissing his lips and smiling. “We’re not. I was just browsing.” “Browsing? You make it sound like I’m an exhibit.” “You kind of are, with all your fancy artwork. Not that I’m complaining, though.” I was trying to lighten the mood, but Jonah grew solemn. He gazed across the room, out into the living room. “Did you go on a date last night?” I took a second to adjust to the change in topic and decided to be truthful with him. “Yes, except it was a bust from the start. The guy was a moron, and spending three hours with him was pure torture. J.J. set the damn thing up. She’ll feel my wrath later.”

“I bet she will,” he exhaled. “You looked beautiful.” “You saw me?” He nodded, hooking my pinkie in his and kissing my forehead. “Even when you were cross at me, I didn’t stop looking out for you.” “Oh, Jonah.” I hugged him, his arms banding tightly around me. “It’s eleven-thirty,” he murmured against my neck. I said nothing, because it was obvious what he meant by that. He was pulling our talk back around to the phone call I thought he should make to his parents. I allowed him to take the lead. He clung to me a little while longer before pulling away with a weak smile. “Will you stay with me?” He rasped. “Yes. Whatever you need. Just take it slow, Jonah.”

His hand trembled as he cupped my neck. “I’m...I’m scared, baby.” The endearment slipped from his lips so naturally that I wasn’t sure he even knew what he’d said. My heart stopped, then swelled with excitement as my pulse kicked into overdrive. The small amounts of affection he showed me always had my body singing. Jonah brought me out of my thoughts as he moved off the bed, holding his hand out for me to take. He led us into my living room, standing next to the phone by my desk. “I left my cell upstairs. Do you want me to go and get it, or can I call them from this?” I flattened my palm on his chest, meeting his gaze before I replied. “Whatever you feel happiest doing. I’m here for you.” Jonah took a deep breath, closing his eyes as he gathered his strength. I waited. In one fell swoop, he snatched the phone from its cradle and dialed a number. I held my breath, hoping I hadn’t just made this situation a hell of a lot worse. I stood behind him, gripping the sides of his T-shirt tightly as he lifted the receiver to his ear.

“Um, Mom, it’s me. It’s Ben...No, nothing’s wrong. I’m fine. I...I called to talk...Oh. Mom, please don’t cry.” I let go of his T-shirt and kissed the back of his neck. Jonah frowned, so I shook my head and stepped away, walking into my bedroom and closing the door. Jonah needed to do this part alone.

The bedroom door opened two hours later, and Jonah slumped onto my bed in a complete breakdown. I folded my arms around him, letting him sob into my lap, as I rocked him gently and whispered soothing words. My gut twisted in guilt. Though his opening lines to his mom had been encouraging, the situation could have easily taken a turn for the worse. I chastised myself for not staying with him; for not supporting him like I should have done. I’d promised him I would be by his side, yet I’d walked away because of my own worry of encroaching on his personal business. Had I done the wrong thing? “Jonah...” I soothed, stroking his hair. He sniffled, looking up at me through watery eyes. No man had ever laid himself open to me like this. I wanted

to fight any way I could to make it better for him. I really did love him. “Jonah, tell me. Was it bad?” He licked his lower lip slowly, letting me wipe the tears from his face. “N-no...they w-want me to come home.” Excitement zipped through my body, and I tried to keep my voice calm. “And...are you going?” He nodded, prowling up my body and effectively forcing me onto my back. There was a shift in his stare; his eyes going from sad to...needy? The air stirred around us; the change so intense that I struggled to process it. Jonah’s nose skimmed my jaw, his warm breath ghosting my neck and chest. I held onto his shoulders, frowning at him, and waiting for a response. “Tell me,” I repeated. He lowered his head, kissing my chest lightly and muttering, “Not just yet. They want it all now, but I think we should take it slow. Like I’m doing with you right now.”

“When?” He hummed, making my skin vibrate. I teased the hair at the back of his head. “New Years. I’m going home for New Years.” “Oh, Jonah! That’s wonderful! How do you feel? Did you speak to your brother? Dad?” “Elle,” he crooned. “Don’t want to talk. I need to

feel.” And that was when I understood his shift in mood. The feelings were too much for him to deal with, and instead of shutting me out, he was letting me all the way in the only way he knew how. I was powerless to stop him. Jonah lowered his lips to mine and kissed me. It was slow and gentle then began to spin out of control. His tongue delved into my mouth as he turned my head to the

side to deepen the kiss. I licked his top lip and slid my tongue against his. My lust had been simmering for weeks, waiting for the right time to be unleashed. As the emotions of the last two days spilled out, my need for his body boiled over. I craved the completeness I only felt when Jonah was loving me. “Tell me this is okay, Red,” he breathed, his nimble fingers teasing the hem of the tank I’d changed into. Each time they touched my skin, I felt a jolt from the shock. If this was what he needed, I would give it to him willingly. “Yes,” I breathed. I wanted to drown in him. He made me feel whole, and so completely happy. I exhaled into his mouth as his hands moved to cup my ass. They crept under the waistband of my shorts and grasped my cheeks harshly. He moved his mouth along my jaw and down my neck, devouring me with a need I’d never felt from him before. My body was alight with desire, everything tuned into the man hovering above me. I was here for him and would make him feel better. I bit his earlobe, gaining a hiss, and he gripped my ass cheeks harder. He pulled me closer to his body. I

could feel his arousal through his sweats as it pressed against my stomach. I removed my hands from his hair and fumbled with his waistband. “Need you naked...now,” I gasped. “Hell, yes,” he rumbled, helping me remove the sweat pants. He was back blanketing me before I had a chance to miss him. I glided my hand across his toned stomach. The hair tickled my fingers. I could feel his muscles contract sharply. His hard arousal rubbed against my thigh. His fingers started to tug at my shorts. I bit my lip to stop my smile, lifting my hips and allowing him to remove my clothing. He didn’t bother with my top, just pushed it up to reveal my breasts. The cold air caressed them, and my nipples grew taut. Jonah flicked his thumbs across them, making me buck at the sparks he produced. “Please!” I begged, trying to reach out for him as he engulfed the nipple of one of my breasts with his mouth.

He swirled his tongue around the peak, moans and sighs escaping my lips. His scent encapsulated me, and my heart dissolved into goo when he hooked his pinkie in mine. This was us. Raw in the throes of passion, healing one another the only way we knew how. I could feel little tremors in his thighs as I held him close. I rubbed my legs against his, teasing him, wanting to hear those guttural noises he made. His grasp on my pinkie was getting tighter, but I wasn’t about to break the contact. His, our completion, felt far too right. I looked up to his flushed face and smiled. His stare was intense and made my stomach swirl in excitement. He was so beautiful. I loved him so much. I wanted to actually say the words, but I held back, knowing he was in a precarious place emotionally. I didn’t want to push him the wrong way. Instead, I hooked a leg over his hip and aligned my core with him. I licked his swollen lips as he broke the silence. “I need to be inside you, Elle. I need to feel that completeness.” “Yes,” I muttered, pushing my hips against his in a silent demand for more.

He was rough as he entered me, his movements harsh. His hands held my hips tightly as he tried to tug me closer to him. I pushed against him, my hunger for him overwhelming me. He squeezed my thighs as hard as he could as he continued to thrust into me. Each touch more desperate than the next; it was never enough. “So good,” he mumbled before lowering his head and nibbling across my collarbone. I kissed and licked his neck, tasting his tangy sweat. His hot breath floated across my shoulder, and I shivered. A fire was raging through my body heightening with each thrust. “Tell me you want me. Tell me you’ll always want me,” he whispered, need evident in his tone. I cupped his face in my palms, those three words on the tip of my tongue. “I want you, Jonah.” I couldn’t say always, not just yet, but Jonah had paid the price for his mistakes; now he needed love. My love. What I said must have been enough, because he

peppered light kisses all over my face as he rocked his body into mine. I gritted my teeth to stop from screaming out. Having him like this, so receptive, so caring, was making my heart weep. I kissed him, tasting desperation on his tongue as he began to pump harder. We panted. We gasped. We pushed for more, until we both fell into the consuming white heat of our orgasms. Mine ripped through my body with such force it was as though it had claws. I screamed and thrashed like never before. Jonah snarled into my neck; pinkie finger still locked onto mine. His eyes were closed tightly. He moved to rest his wet forehead against mine. We were both breathing heavily. It was the most intense experience I’d ever had; no words could describe it. “Sorry,” he panted. “For?” He rolled off me onto his side, removing my top completely before pulling my back against his chest. He nuzzled my neck, kissing the skin below my earlobe before speaking. “I didn’t mean to pounce on you. I just...”

“I know what you needed and why you needed it, so don’t be sorry. Will you talk to me? Tell me what happened with your mom?” He grew quiet, but tightened his hold on me. I could feel his indecision. “Funny thing?” he blurted out. “She thought something was terribly wrong, because I only call at Christmas. There are still a few weeks to go until then.” “Mom’s panic,” I added inanely. Jonah continued as if he hadn’t heard me. “She just wanted to know how I was, crying and sobbing through it all. I didn’t know what to say at first, but it got easier.” “What made it better?” “Talking about you,” he confessed. I tried to turn to see his face, but he held me firm. “Yeah, she knows as much about you as I do now. She wants to meet you.”

I stammered, stunned that he’d chosen to talk about me. Encouraging, and my stomach fluttered with the knowledge that I was important enough to him that he’d spoken to his mother about me. “It’s fine,” he soothed, kissing my shoulder and tugging the sheets up around us. “She doesn’t mean right now, but I’d really like it if you would. That’s why I promised to go for New Years. I thought that...well, it’s kind of a new start and...I just....shit.” This time I did move. I spun in his arms, tilting his head up so he had to meet my gaze. “I think it’s very thoughtful. A new year and a new start, am I right?” He nodded, casting his eyes down as if he was ashamed. I urged him to explain, disliking the expression on his face. I waited patiently, not wanting to push him too far, and I was eventually rewarded. “I’m sorry I broke down. I never meant to jump on you, even though you understand. I know this is a start. It’s so precarious, but damn, Elle, I need to thank you. I just

don’t think you have any idea what you’ve done for me.” “I didn’t do-” “You did,” he stated, his hand tightening on my hip. “Just accept that you did.” I lifted my hand to smooth the furrows between his brows, smiling when he kissed my wrist. Being with him like this felt so good. I didn’t want it to end. “And you said you spoke to Quinn?” I probed further. “Oh God, Red, he doesn’t hate me,” his voice broke. “Do you know how amazing that feels?” “Oh, Jonah.” “He did rage at me, though. Do you know why? Because I’d made Mom cry, and because I’d run away.” He grew serious. “I’ve fucked up so much.”

“I’m not going to lie to you – you have messed up, but then who am I to say what the right way would have been? What happened to you all was horrendous, and running away was never going to solve anything, but it’s clear your family loves you. Maybe that forgiveness came with time, time that you gave them by leaving. I don’t know, Jonah, but you’re right, this is a new start. I’m so happy for you.” I rubbed my legs deliciously against his, surprised that was all it took to kick my libido up a notch. My hand was flat on his chest, feeling the steady thump of his heart. When I felt it speed up I knew Jonah was encountering the same sensation. He kissed me hard, pulling me so close that I could barely breathe. I wouldn’t have moved for anything. It was perfect. His hand began to roam over my back, his fingers crawling up my spine as his mouth made love to mine. His arousal grew hard and heavy against my thigh. I couldn’t help but tease him a little, rubbing against him. He hissed, pulling away sharply and quirking a brow. I offered a weak smile in apology, even though he knew I didn’t mean it. “Elle?” he questioned, his voice serious. “Will you come with me?”

“Home? To Philly?” I asked, nerves making my voice quiver. He nodded, holding my stare. I must have looked like a deer caught in the headlights. It didn’t take me long to decide I wanted to go. I wondered if I could be the buffer between him and his family, though by the sounds of things, it may not be needed. “Please, Red. I want them to meet you, to tell them that it was you that made me look at the situation with new eyes.” “I don’t know how I did that. I left you to deal with your own moody ass,” I added lightly. “I didn’t want to, since by then...” I stopped, knowing I’d let my mouth run away from me. He was staring at me, waiting. His fingers teased the ends of my hair and he tugged them, urging me to speak. “Later,” I tried, knowing he wouldn’t buy it. “Nope. Now.”

I pulled away, sitting up with my back to him and pulled the sheet around myself. I wasn’t sure what his reaction would be when I finally confessed my feelings. Sure, I had inferred them, but verbalizing them was a different matter entirely. Though I worried it would be too much for him, he had just asked me to meet his parents. So he could deal with this, right? I stilled when his hand touched my shoulder. He smoothed my hair back and rested his chin there. “Aren’t we being honest with each other now, Red?. Please tell me.” I sagged as I gave in and whispered, “I was going to say that by then I already knew I loved you.” I stood up, folding the sheet around my body, and hurried out of the room. I didn’t want to wait for his reaction, because I was certain it was too much, too soon. We’d only started to talk again last night, and there was still so much left unresolved. “Wait!” Jonah shouted, racing after me.

“I’m sorry.” We were forever apologizing to each other. Would there ever be a time when it was no longer needed? Jonah reached out and tugged at the sheet. It slipped from my grasp and landed on the floor. We were staring at each other, both naked emotionally as well as physically. “You love me?” I flushed but agreed, “I told you as much when I mentioned falling for you, but I didn’t think you took me seriously.” “How do you know? How can you after what you know about me?” He asked. “I just do.” I took a cautious step closer to him, happy when he took hold of my hand. “I love you.” As he claimed my mouth, I expected him to be rough and devouring, but instead, he was soft and loving.

He poured every bit of emotion he had into his kiss. My hands smoothed down his back and grabbed his ass. “OH. MY. GOD!” A voice bellowed from across the apartment. We shot apart, glaring at the intruder. J.J. stood in the door way, blue eyes wide with shock but a small smirk teasing her lips. “J.J.! I told you to only use that key in an emergency!” Jonah bent to retrieve the sheet, trying to cover us both up. “Don’t do that, sweetie. You’re far too pretty to cover up,” she teased Jonah. I rolled my eyes at her, but she carried on talking, taking off her gloves and tossing them onto the coffee table. “Anyway, it was an emergency. You went AWOL last night. I’ve been trying to call you since. Guess I found out what, or rather who, was preventing you from answering. Interesting turn of events...”

“What is?” Jonah asked, tucking me into his side. “Well, Elle goes on a date after you dumped her, and surprise, you turn up begging her to come back to you.” I opened my mouth, intending to set her straight, but Jonah beat me to it. “First, I didn’t dump Elle. I needed space to deal with some personal stuff, and second, it wasn’t her date that had me begging, okay?” J.J. removed her black military style coat and snickered, “He begged? Nice!” She was making it difficult to be serious. J.J. was trying to rattle Jonah, and by the look on his face, and his hold on my body, it was working. “In the interest of modesty,” I started, hoping it would disperse the heavy atmosphere. “I think you should make some coffee, J.J., while Jonah and I put some clothes on.” She tittered, waving her fingers at Jonah and

strolled into the kitchen. It took me a few sharp pulls to get Jonah moving toward the bedroom. He never took his eyes from J.J. She had, without question, gotten under his skin. I tried to dress quickly, but it was difficult with Jonah groping and kissing the random parts of flesh that remained unclothed. “We need to go and socialize,” I giggled as he backed me into the bedroom door. “Just one kiss?” “You’re incorrigible,” I laughed, kissing his chin. He wiggled his brows, grinning back at me. I gave in, kissing him like he asked, and enjoyed every second of it. We returned to the living room once J.J. began banging on the bedroom door, threatening to make as much noise as she could until we came out. With anyone else, I would have ignored it, but J.J. was a ball of excitement. I was under no illusion that she would not make good on her threat. She was sitting on the couch, flicking through

some vacation brochures that she’d brought. She didn’t look up when we settled down. I curled up in Jonah’s lap, resting my head on his chest as I looked over at J.J. She exhaled, and turned the page sharply. “What are you doing?” I questioned, wondering where she was planning to travel to. “Christmas,” she muttered. “Please tell me we don’t have to stay around here for Christmas. I hate the cold, the snow, the tourists, and all those freaking sparkly lights! Australia! Let’s lounge on the beach on Christmas morning. Now that would be awesome!” “I, um...” “Come on Elle. I’ve never been to Australia. Are you in?” “Actually, no,” I breathed, feeling Jonah shift underneath me. “I have plans.” “What plans? Staying here and getting naked with the inked recluse?”

Jonah snorted, but didn’t comment. He left J.J. for me to deal with. “I’m going home for Christmas. Back to my mom and the beach. I’m tied up for New Years too. Sorry.” “Ergh,” she winced. “The beach in winter is depressing. Why won’t you come with me?” I took a moment, knowing I should have asked him first, but decided now was as good a time as any. “I’m going home, J.J. I’m taking Jonah to meet my mom.” Her eyes went wide as they shot over to Jonah. I braced myself, hoping I hadn’t just screwed everything up. I calmed down the moment he hugged me tight and whispered “You are?” into my ear. “Yes.” He held me tight. I snuggled closer to him, love

washing over me. Jonah may not have been able to verbalize his feelings just yet, but there was no denying that he did have them. Taking him home was a big step, one I was excited to take.

J.J. had been annoyed, flat out calling it desertion. She’d acted like a petulant teenager, pouting and snapping at Jonah and I. I later learned it was because she’d ended her relationship with Elijah the night before, so the idea of sticking around New York, alone at Christmas, was too much for her. Being the good friend I have always been, I invited her home with us. Though she protested, I knew she was secretly relieved. Then it was Jonah’s turn to pout. After assuring him that we would still have plenty of alone time, he eased up, even though he was not happy about sharing me with J.J. My mom was ecstatic; for the first time in years she would have a full house to fuss over. She called me every day to ask what my friends enjoyed eating and how long we were staying. She even asked whether Jonah and I

would be sharing my room; I had mumbled an embarrassed yes. I was nervous about them meeting, but not as much as I was about meeting his family. Jonah had promised me it would be fine, but it did little to relieve my anxiety. I was petrified. Jonah had been on cloud nine since that initial phone call to his mom. He’d called them every couple of days since. He was happier, but it wasn’t all smooth sailing. I received a call from him a few days ago that caused my blood to run cold. He could barely speak, his breathing was erratic. He’d had another anxiety attack. Scared, yet pleased he’d called me, I’d raced up to his apartment. I was reassured when he opened the door, but his complexion was ashen, and quick gasps wracked his chest. Seeing him like that forced me into autopilot. I grabbed a paper bag from his kitchen along with his medication from the bathroom. Just like before, I waited with him, soothing him and stroking his back as he tried to regulate his breathing. I knew that talking to his parents wasn’t going to make everything all right, but this attack seemed so random. It wasn’t until Jonah calmed down that I found out what sparked the attack. It turned out he’d been talking to Quinn via a webcam, and after his brother had signed off Jonah had lost all sense of composure. I was worried about

him but knew setbacks were inevitable given his past. The three of us spent Thanksgiving together, getting drunk and eating junk food. It wasn’t the most traditional celebration, but it was the best one I’d experienced in a very long time. Even J.J. and Jonah managed to get along better. It seemed the more intoxicated they were, the more they liked each other, so I made a mental note to make sure Mom had plenty of liquor. “Are we nearly there yet?” J.J. wailed from the backseat of the car. “Christ, you’re worse than a toddler!” Jonah moaned, rolling his eyes in my direction. I gritted my teeth, knowing we would be home in another ten minutes. We’d been driving for hours, and the closer to my childhood home we got, the more fractious my passengers became. Repeating the mantra of “we’re almost there” wasn’t helping any longer, so I gritted my teeth and took in the scenery. I rolled down the window, ignoring J.J.’s protests of how cold it was, because I wanted to smell the air. I took a large gulp of the salty breeze, tasting the tang of the sea and knowing I was home. Jonah’s hand squeezed my thigh, sensing my relief.

“You okay, Red?” I nodded, rather self-conscious from the tears shining in my eyes. “Want me to take over driving?” “I’m good. We’ll be there in a few minutes anyway.” “Thank God!” J.J. cheered, kicking the back of my seat. “I’m starving. I need out of this box! Your cat’s snoring is grating on my nerves.” “How the hell are you going to manage driving this back to New York alone?” Jonah snorted, knowing he was going to get her riled up with his question. J.J. booted Jonah’s seat, hissing then adding, “Jerk.” I turned onto a small lane, just off the beach. There

were only three houses. My mom’s was the closest to the sea. I put the car in park and hadn’t even removed my seat belt before J.J. jumped out. The second the cold air hit her she began moaning. “Oh, quit it, J.J.! If all you’re going to do is complain, then you need to go home now.” I opened the backdoor, lifting Meow’s cat carrier from the seat. Jonah walked around to meet me, looping his arms around my waist, putting his back to my sullen friend. “Ignore her,” he uttered loud enough for her to hear. “She’s just being crabby.” “She’s getting on my last nerve,” I ground out, relaxing the moment his lips touched mine. The kiss made my head spin, and all angry thoughts dispersed. I pushed my free hand into the back pocket of his jeans but felt a tap on my shoulder. “What?” I questioned J.J. as she was pointing over to the house.

I turned to see Mom coming down the steps of the porch, smiling and rubbing her hands in glee. Her tightly curled, red hair was slowly turning white and was set with enough hairspray that it didn’t move in the wind. She was always pristine in her appearance, and apart from the apron she was wearing, today was no different. She hurried over, arms outstretched waiting to embrace me. I raced to her like a child leaving school at the end of the day. “Oh, darling! It’s so good to have you home.” She hugged me tight, her floral perfume encompassing me. My mom had worn the same perfume for as long as I could remember. I recalled times when I’d been upset as a young child, and her smell alone had soothed me. I had been nervous and worried about what she would think of Jonah, but being in her arms calmed me. “My, he’s a handsome one, isn’t he?” I giggled, loosening her hold and turning her around to meet Jonah. He was shuffling awkwardly, staring down at the ground and rubbing the back of his neck. I held my hand out to him, hoping to ease his distress. His grip

was harsh, but his hand was trembling as he spoke up. “Thank you for inviting us, Mrs. Sampson. It’s good to meet you.” He shook my mom’s hand, but held back when she tried to hug him. I should have warned her to tread carefully with him, but I was afraid to give her the wrong impression of him before they met. J.J. wasn’t so reserved, though. She pushed us both out of the way, smiling widely at my mother, and introducing herself with a small flick of her hair. They began to chat, instantly striking up a connection. My mom questioned her about her career as a makeup artist, where she got her coat from, and how we’d met, among other things. I was relieved that they hit it off, unlike her and Jonah. I took his hand, leading him into the house and showing them both where to hang their coats. “I have some hot chocolate ready for you all. Marshmallows?” I nodded, placing Meow’s carrier on the floor and opening the metal door. Meow strolled out, arching his

back and meowing loudly. Knowing he was content enough, I began heaping everyone’s bags by the stairs and watched Jonah. He was shuffling again. J.J. strolled around the room, checking out the photographs in the recently dusted silver frames. While she was occupied, I grabbed Jonah’s arm and tugged him toward the stairs. He frowned at me, tilting his head at the kitchen. “I’m just showing you around,” I said innocently. He scowled. I could see he didn’t believe me, and I wondered what he thought I was up to. He ascended the stairs behind me, placing his hands on my hips. When we reached the top I turned and placed a kiss on the tip of his nose. “Are you alright?” “Sure. I feel a little strange...uncomfortable, even, but you don’t need to worry.” “I do, and I don’t want you to retreat into yourself here. I want my mom to see just how wonderful you are.” “I’ll try,” he sighed. “I really will. Now, do I get to

see your bedroom?” He waggled his brows, gaining a giggle from me as we moved into my bedroom. “We’re not teenagers, Jonah. This room isn’t a secret sanctuary that you get guy points for seeing.” “Guy points? Really?” I dismissed him, opening the door and walking inside. Jonah stood in the entrance, gazing around the room, bracing his hands on the top of the frame. The action stretched his torso, lifting his navy, long sleeve t-shit so that I got a flash of his navel. My mouth watered at the sight. I began mentally unbuckling his belt buckle. “You have that glint, Red,” he said, his tone a warning. “Starting something here and now is not a good idea.” I sat down on the edge of my bed, noting Mom had purchased some new lilac colored sheets for me, and crooked my finger at him. A war waged in his head; I could see it play across his face, but it didn’t take him long before he prowled closer me.

“You shouldn’t tease me.” His words were a mere whisper as he placed his hands on the bed on either side of my hips. I had to lean backward in order to see his face, realizing he’d gotten me exactly where he wanted. Jonah crawled up my body and hovered over me; his blue eyes glinting playfully. “I wasn’t teasing. I was just beckoning you closer so that you could see the thread count of my new sheets.” “Not buying it,” he chuckled, skimming his nose across my jaw. I stroked the back of his neck; my fingers toying with hair. “My mom is going to adore you, you know that right?” He tensed as I placed a light kiss on his lips. “I know you have trust issues, but she just wants to get to know you – to make sure you’re good enough for her only child.” “I’m not good enough,” he whined, flipping onto his back. “She’ll see that when she knows the truth.” “You have to stop feeling like this.” I moved onto my side, placing my hand on his chest. “I understood, and I know my mom will too. No one in this house is going to

condemn you for what happened ten years ago.” “Is this where that trust thing you’re always telling me about comes into play?” The side of his mouth was tilting up, lightening the conversation, even though the subject was serious. I shifted closer and began nibbling along his rough jaw. The stubble was harsh against my lips, but the contact shot sparks in one direction: to the apex of my thighs. Staying in this room with Jonah over the next week, and remaining quiet, was not going to be easy. I started to question whether staying in a motel would have been better, though it would have upset Mom if I’d done that. “So...” Jonah drawled. “Am I the first man you’ve had in this bed?” I swallowed, knowing he wasn’t going to like the answer. “Your silence worries me. Should I be hunting for notches on the bedpost?” I shoved at his chest, but squealed when he

began tickling at my sides. I begged him to stop, rolling around the bed in an attempt to get free from his torturous ministrations. “Tell me and I’ll stop,” he laughed, but there was a need underlining his words. It was important to him. I giggled, pulling away and shouting a response. “Two! Just two!” A solitary brow rose as he asked who. The atmosphere turned serious. “I don’t think it matters who, but I’ll give in. One was a boyfriend, James, when I was twenty-one, the other was Nathan. I don’t bring every guy I’ve ever slept with home.” He nodded, rolling onto his side and stared out of the window. I stroked my knuckles down his cheek and asked, “What’s wrong, Jonah? No one else matters. They are the past. Why are you jealous?” “I don’t know,” he uttered. “I guess being here is

already making me homesick. I can see how much you and your mom love each other. I don’t mean to be miserable. Sorry, baby.” He leaned in and kissed my torso, moving my sweater up a bit more and tracing his finger around my navel. “You don’t need to be sad. You’ll see your family soon. Maybe you should call them? Tell them you feel down, because I bet your mom will do whatever she can to make you smile.” “How about you do it?” He murmured. “Well...” I slid further down the bed, pressing my lips against his for a moment. “I do admit to having a soft spot for those dimples of yours.” His mouth lifted in a sexy grin. “Really? You know I’ll have to go hunting for that soft spot now, don’t you? I’m intrigued. Could it be here?” His kissed my neck.

“Or here?” He questioned placing a small peck in the center of the v-neck of my sweater. “Or possibly-” “Elle? Jonah? I have your drinks ready.” Mom entered my room through the open door, carrying a tray and causing Jonah to move so fast I barely saw him shift. He sat on the edge of the bed, running his fingers through his hair as Mom placed the tray on the bedside table, frowning. “Your friend is currently snuggled up on the couch, watching television. Is everything okay?” “Yeah, how’s Meow?” Mom tittered, “He’s pawing holes in J.J.’s leggings, trying to get comfortable. It’s rather amusing listening to her chastise him.” “She pretends to hate him, but I know different.” I

shrugged, sitting up and reaching for a mug. “Did you warn her against leaving any doors open?” Mom confirmed she had and sat down next to Jonah. She patted him on his knee and tilted her head so that her eyes met his. “How are you doing? You seem a bit lost in thought.” Jonah tried not to grimace, but it didn’t work. “I’m fine, Mrs. Sampson. I think I need a walk.” He looked over at me. “Mind if I have a wander along the beach, Red?” “Sure. I can catch up with Mom while J.J. is being abused by Meow.” He placed a soft kiss on my forehead then left us alone. I braced myself, knowing my mom would have something to say as soon as the front door closed. Her expression was that of pure concern as she said, “He’s an extremely sad young man.” I couldn’t deny it, because she was right. He was lost – in a state of limbo. It had to feel worse than when he ignoring his family. Right now he could only imagine what

the holidays would be like with them. I suppose on some level he may feel jealous, but happiness was within his reach. In a week his family would be waiting for him with open arms. I stared out of the window, watching as Jonah stepped onto the sand. His hair whipped around his face as his scarf billowed behind him, his stubborn nature not allowing the wind deter him. “He’s trying, Mom. He’s just confused and needs a bit of time and patience,” I responded. “He’s special to you.” She made it a statement, rather than a question. It made me grin, because she knew me so well. Even spending the time apart since I moved to New York hadn’t altered our relationship. She was, and always had been, my best friend. “I love him. Jonah’s not like other men. Before you say it, I know you’ve heard that before but I mean it. He’s mixed up and has made mistakes, but he’s turned himself around. I’m not going to lie to you, emotionally, he still has a

lot of work to do. I couldn’t stop myself from falling for him, Mom. He’s such a good guy.” Her intense gaze softened as she wrapped an arm around my shoulder. “I can see he adores you.” “Really? Because he hasn’t ever told me, but then I only told him a few weeks ago. I wasn’t sure we could even make something of this. His emotional scars kept him closed off, and I had to fight to get him to open up to me. At one point, I actually gave up.” “Your dad wasn’t an easy man to deal with when it came to emotions,” she interjected. I leaned my head on her shoulder, still watching Jonah on the beach. He was talking animatedly into his cell, flashing a small smile when he spun around. “He always told me he loved me,” I protested. “Yes, but you were his child. It’s different. I’m sure it will be different for Jonah too. It took months for your father to tell me how he felt the first time. After that it was very infrequent. However, it didn’t stop me from knowing

how he felt. Verbalization isn’t always necessary. Sometimes feeling it is more important; sometimes it’s more of a confirmation.” I sighed, understanding what she was telling me. I was tentative about explaining everything to her, though I knew she wouldn’t judge Jonah. She would, however, worry about me. I mentioned he’d been in trouble, yet she hadn’t questioned me any further. She appreciated and understood that people came with pasts. As a teacher, she often came face to face with it. My mother had faith in me, and the fact that she didn’t ask any more questions about his past reassured me of that. “This is so different than it was with Nathan. It doesn’t feel forced; we’re just us.” She hugged me tight, placing a kiss on top of my head. “And that is the way it should be, darling. I hope I grow to love him as much as you do, because that boy seems to need as much love as he can get.” We grew silent, happy to hold each other and sort through our own thoughts.

“I’m glad to be home, Mom.” “Me too, Ellie, and it’s good to have a full house again. I think this Christmas will be a good one.” She rubbed my leg and stood up, squinting to see through the window, across the beach. “You should go to him,” she pointed out. I didn’t question her. I rushed down the stairs, pulling my coat from the hook, putting it on as I ran out of the door. I was vaguely aware of J.J.’s snoring as I slammed it shut. The wind gave a great gust, almost knocking me over. I pushed on, gasping against its onslaught as I hit the beach running. I shouted to him, taking in his sullen form sitting on the sand. He was resting his forehead on his knees, his arms placed around his shins. He didn’t look up, but with the wind, I was sure he could hear me. I came to a stop at his side, and flopped down onto the sand, placing my arm around his waist. I whispered directly into his ear, “Did you call them?”

“My brother.” “Feel better?” I felt him nod moments before he turned his head and pushed his lips against mine. It was salty and somewhat gritty from the sand, but I was powerless to stop it. I hummed and dipped my tongue into his mouth, gaining a shudder from Jonah. His hands moved up to hold my face as mine clenched in his jacket. I tried to pull him closer and grumbled when he gently pulled away. “I love you,” I breathed, unable to stop the words spilling out. Jonah grinned, his cheeks tingeing pink as he said, “Funny thing, I was going to say the same thing to you.” My mouth fell open, and Jonah chuckled. I stammered, not confident that he’d all but declared his feelings for me. He didn’t let me struggle for long, though he seemed to be enjoying my surprise.

“I love you. I don’t know where we are headed, but you need to know that.” My embrace was so tight I worried I might suffocate him, but his soft laughter revealed that he was quite content. Everything was falling into place. Now he just needed to believe he was worthy of everyone’s love, because he was certainly worthy of mine.

Christmas morning arrived. It started in the most amazing way: Jonah kissing my body, inch by glorious inch. With each kiss, a whispered word was spoken. “I...” Kiss. “Love...” Kiss. “You...” I tensed mid-stretch as he swirled his tongue into

my navel. My fingers pushed into his dark hair, grasping it tighter when he began to nibble at my flesh. It was a luxurious way to wake-up, definitely something I could get used to. The sheets fell to the floor as we rolled around the bed groping one another. I tried hard to stay quiet; it was still early. Regardless of my age, it would be mortifying for my mom to overhear us. “I need you,” Jonah exhaled, already poised and ready to enter me. I kissed him, mumbling confirmation against his lips. We made slow, gentle love, taking time to peruse each other’s bodies. Our mouths devoured. Our hands teased. Our bodies moved in unison. It was bliss. Jonah slipped back into slumber afterward; his head resting on my stomach, his shoulders pinning my thighs to the mattress. Though it was a bit uncomfortable, I couldn’t bring myself to move. I didn’t want to disturb him. Sounds of movement floated into my room, alerting me that someone was awake and walking across

the landing. I tugged a sheet across my breasts, and seeing that Jonah was already tangled in one, let him be. “Elle, sweetie? Are you both awake? Decent?” My mother questioned, following up with a light tap on the door. Jonah stirred, grumbling in the cutest of ways. “We’re just getting up now,” I confirmed, my voice raised. “We are?” Jonah added lowly, his eyebrows wiggling in amusement. I laughed, pushing his questing hands off me and shouting to my mom, “We’ll be down soon.” “I’ll have breakfast and gifts ready. Merry Christmas!” I lay back, grinning and enjoying the utter contentment that flooded my chest. I had fretted about being here so much, worried that Jonah would feel isolated, or that J.J. would be too much for him to cope with on a twenty-four hour basis for weeks. However, they’d both surprised me, and Jonah had only a few moments of

anxiety. If anything, the interactions seemed to make him stronger. “You know...” Jonah drawled, prowling up my body and kissing my nose. “This is the first Christmas since I was seventeen that I’ve spent with other people? And it’s the first Christmas I’ve ever woken up with someone beside me. You’re my first, Red.” Instinct was to make light of his confession, but the sadness of the words was heartbreaking. His loneliness had gone on for far too long. “I like being your first. Makes me feel special.” His hands smoothed up my torso; his thumbs flicking my nipples before working their way up to cup my jaw. “You are even more special than you realize,” he spoke in a husky voice. “I could say the same to you.” I lifted my legs, placing them over his hips, hissing as his arousal pressed

into my stomach. “We should get dressed. Mom loves eating breakfast together.” Jonah nodded, placing a small peck on my lips and groaning as he moved off me. “Do you usually give gifts after breakfast?” He questioned, uncertain. I sat up, placing my hand on his bare back and waited until he turned back to face me. “Nobody expects gifts from you, Jonah.” His brows furrowed seconds before he said, “Oh no! I have presents. I just wanted to know when you did them. When I was a kid we had to wait until after Christmas lunch.” “Really? Damn, that would have killed me as a kid!” Jonah stood, not bothering to cover his toned, inked body. I watched him, my mouth watering, as he walked across the room to get his clothes. The sight of him caused my body to spark to life again. I wondered if it would always be this way; the sudden lust overcoming me when he was near. Just looking at him had me wanting to

forgo my mom’s bacon and eggs and have a breakfast of a different kind with him. “I know you’re staring at me.” “And do you have a problem with that?” “Not at all,” he chuckled, making eye contact with me. “I was just wondering...” “Huh?” He crooked a finger at me and whispered as I shifted closer, “I was wondering if we had time to shower before your mom sends out a search party.” I had no chance to respond as Jonah picked me up and carried me squealing into the bathroom. Breakfast had never tasted so good.

We hadn’t been very late for breakfast, but the bacon was rather crisp. Jonah snarfed it as if he hadn’t eaten in weeks. My mom took the opportunity to fuss over us and my mom piled more food onto his plate. J.J. sat nursing a black coffee, staring at the scrambled eggs as if they were poison. The blue bruises underneath her eyes made me wonder if she’d slept at all. I placed my hand on her knee, amazed when she didn’t shy away. She didn’t seem to notice the contact at all, her light blue eyes fixed on the cabinet above the sink. “J.J., what’s wrong?” She didn’t seem to hear me, so I questioned Mom, “How long has she been like this?” Mom shrugged, checking her appearance in the stainless steel splash-back of the stove. “She was despondent when she came downstairs earlier, but she was up late. She was talking on the phone until the weehours of the morning. I thought she was tired.” Mom stood up, smoothing down her reindeer sweater. She had worn it every year since I was twentythree, before that it was a snowman one. When I was smaller, both my dad and I were expected to partake in the tradition too. I was humiliated at age fourteen when my then

boyfriend came by with my Christmas gift. He took one look at the musical Christmas tree cardigan and fled. He avoided me in school for the following five months. After that, I refused to have anything to do with festive clothing, except the holiday following my dad’s death. I wore a Christmas sweater that year, hoping to make my mom smile, but it hadn’t worked. We’d spent the whole day crying instead. Shaking my head of the sad memories, I scraped my chair across the stone floor closer to J.J. I took the mug from her hands and placed it on the table. “J.J., what’s wrong.” Her shoulders sagged as she exhaled noisily, “Eli.” I probed further as the situation started to make sense. “Was that who you were talking to last night?” J.J. nodded. I heard Jonah stand up behind me. He kissed my cheek whispering that he wanted to call his family before we shared gifts. He gave me an uncomfortable, knowing smile as he left the table, not wanting to stay around and intrude on the discussion. Mom gave us privacy as well, clearing the table and rinsing the

dishes before putting them into the dishwasher. “Did he upset you?” I asked, stroking her arm. A lone tear slid down her cheek. J.J. cried in front of no one; she was a strong, independent woman who saw it as a weakness. That one tear spoke volumes about her current state. Her voice was full of sorrow as she spoke, I hated seeing her like this. “I’ve made a horrible mistake, Elle.” “You never meant to end it with Elijah,” I stated, seeing just what was wrong with her. “Why did you?” “I was being stupid. The grass is greener and all that. Now I realize that’s garbage. I spent a long time searching for something that ended up finding me. Trouble was, when I got what I was looking for, I didn’t see it and let it get away.” “It meaning Eli?” She wasn’t listening to me. She was locked in her

own little world. “We argued after you bailed on the date with Beau. Couldn’t even tell you what we were shouting about. We were going at it in the middle of the street. People were staring. In the end I called him a child. I told him that it was over. I was spitting mad when I got home, deleted his number from my cell.” She glared at me. “Pathetic, I know.” “And it was Eli that you were talking to last night?” J.J. fell forward, pressing her forehead against the wood table and moaned, “I tried to eat crow, in my usual offhand manner. Surprise! I messed it up. It turned into another argument.” “Oh, J.J. call him again. You’ll sort it out.” I realized my response was blasé, but she needed to solve this herself. It would do her good to give a little, something she wasn’t accustomed to. J.J. froze, and then stood up so quickly the chair flipped onto its back. “I’m going to him,” she said confidently.

I blinked, unsure whether I had heard correctly, but she began hunting around the kitchen for her possessions; the look on her face slightly maniacal. “It’s Christmas day, you know that, right?” “Duh! Of course I do, but I have my own way back to New York. The roads will be empty today,” she gleamed. “My car?” “Yes. I was going to have to drive it back anyway.” She ran out of steam and plonked herself back down on a chair. “Tell me I’m not crazy, Elle.” I laughed. “You’re not. You’re just in love, remember that next time you decide to be so judgmental about the choices I’ve made regarding Jonah.” I kept my tone light, but I was serious. “I’ve been a shitty friend. I’m sorry. I wasn’t there when you needed me, there’s no excuse for that.” I was dubious, because she appeared to have

changed overnight. I had to admit I liked this version of J.J. “You were there,” I reasoned. “But you were quick to jump to your own conclusions.” She embraced me, holding me tight and apologizing again. I told her she needed to eat before she drove home, but after a twenty minute conversation while she packed her suitcase, I was no closer to getting her to stay. Mom ended up making her a sack lunch. The three of us stood on the porch in the blistering cold as she pulled out of the driveway. Jonah snickering at the sudden change in J.J., as well as the fact the she was driving on Christmas day to ask Elijah back. “Shut up!” I snapped. “You better be willing to do the same for me, sunshine!” I pushed at his chest, trying to fend him off as he moved to hug me. I wasn’t serious, and he knew it, so he continued to corral me into the corner of the porch, ignoring my mom. “Is this where you want me to get all corny on you, Red?” His voice was low, husky and did wonderful things to

my insides. I wound my arms around his neck, enjoying the pressure of his body against mine. “Never corny,” I denied. “You could never be that.” “You two are giving the neighbors a tasty nugget to chat about later. I’m freezing. Are we going to start this day, or are you staying out in the cold?” “Coming, Mrs. Sampson.” Jonah grinned as he steered me across to the front door. The wall clock on the way in showed it was now after twelve. Mom was worrying about starting dinner, though there was no rush. At this moment in time, it wouldn’t bother me if we sat down to eat at ten o’clock tonight. “Mom, please don’t fret. Let’s sit and open some gifts. Jonah and I will lend a hand with dinner later.” She shuffled over to the Christmas tree that still housed the baubles I’d made as a child. Meow was batting at one of the ones that dangled from a lower branch, amusing himself. Mom grabbed two red gift bags and

brought them over to the couch where I’d snuggled down. Jonah decided the floor was a better option, and sat between my legs, his fingers running up and down my shins absentmindedly. “Now these are yours, but you hang on Jonah, I have one under the tree for you, too.” She walked back to the tree, her velvet skirt swishing around her ankles. “Mrs. Sampson, you didn’t need to-” “Will you stop with that Mrs. Sampson stuff? Call me Hannah, and you’re right, I didn’t need to get you anything. I wanted to.” She handed him a large green gift bag and smile warmly. “Now take it. Merry Christmas, Jonah.” He stared at the gift, resting it on his knee but not making any move to open it. I placed my hands on his shoulders, smoothing my thumbs up and down his neck. It was a gesture of reassurance, one Jonah took willingly. I bent over, uttering into his ear, “I know this is hard. I’m going to take a guess that it’s the first present you’ve received in a very long time. Mom and I are just

trying to make this better for you.” He turned his head, meeting my lips with his and speaking against them, “I love you.” “I know. Just have a good day, or at least make an effort to.” His brief setback alarmed me a bit. I had to remind myself that today was no ordinary day for Jonah, and it was bound to hurt him a little. Though I was here to support and love him, sometimes it was easy to forget the baggage he carried with him and get lost in his passion. He’d been a broken man in the beginning; shy and depressed, and while many women would have run from him that first time I found him bleeding in his apartment; I couldn’t. He was my everything. “Are you going to make eyes at each other for the rest of the day?” Mom questioned. We both jumped, startled out of our thoughts. I mouthed a sorry to her, explaining that her gift was still in my bedroom. She took it as her cue to start preparing the food and excused herself. I took Jonah’s hand and led him

upstairs. Opening Mom’s gift would have to wait. I was going to hand him his present from me while we were alone. Jonah entered the room, slumping onto the unmade bed and stared at the green paper bag Mom had given him. I knelt at his feet, my hands covering his over the paper. “Jonah, you can do this. You don’t need to feel sad or isolated.” “I know,” he rasped. “I’m happy, Red. I’m just...happy.” My smile was so big my cheeks hurt. “So I can give you my gift now? I don’t want you to get upset.” He nodded. I didn’t wait for anymore confirmation. I raced over to my suitcase and opened it, retrieving the large, wrapped rectangle from the bottom. I gave it to him. I thought he was going to take his time with it, but after one sweep of his hand across the surface, he ripped the decorated paper open. I sat down

next to him, lowering my head so that I could see his expression. He seemed confused at first, but then a smile showed his amazement. His finger traced across the glass, following the outline of the three images in the frame. “How did you? Where did you?” “First of all, you have to promise not to shout at me, okay?” He didn’t answer, just continued to stare at the photograph. “The day you first called your mom? You did it from my phone, so I had your family’s home number. When I asked you to come here for Christmas, I couldn’t think of a single thing to get for you, but then inspiration struck. I know I shouldn’t have, so don’t get angry, but I called them and told them what I wanted. Your mom emailed the photograph me the next day,” I blurted. “You spoke to my mom?” he choked. “I did. She’s so nice, interrogated me a bit, like all

mom’s should when their son’s girlfriend calls the first time. I should have asked you, but then, that would have spoiled the surprise. Do you like it? Your mom said Quinn bought that shirt especially for the picture.” Jonah placed the framed photograph of his family down onto the floor with precision. I braced myself for his wrath. It never came. He pushed me back, pinning me to the mattress and hovering over me so that his hair flopped forward. My hand itched to reach up and smoothed it back. His intent was still unclear as his eyes pierced mine; those fierce chips of ice giving nothing away... until he swooped and captured my lips. The kiss was aggressive, so much so that I was sure my lips were going to bruise, but I wasn’t about to stop him. I flipped him, taking some authority back. I sat up, waiting for an explanation. He licked his lips, his fingers tunneling under the hem of my skirt then stopping to hold my thighs firmly. “I don’t have the words, Elle. All I can say is thank you.”

“You’re not mad?” Jonah shook his head, the right side of his mouth turning up in a small smile. “How could I be angry at you, baby? From day one you’ve been nothing but amazing. It’s no wonder you broke me; no wonder I fell for you.” “I didn’t break you,” I protested, but Jonah disagreed. “You broke the shell I had built around the real me. You left me raw and bleeding, but what came of that was us. And Red? We are perfect. I love you.” I lowered my torso to rest on top of his, and nuzzled the crook of his neck. “I love you too.” We lay like that for a while, content with the contact, until I decided to tell him everything. “I spoke to Quinn.” “Really?” He rumbled. “And what do you think?”

“The truth?” I asked, then continued once he nodded his head in approval. “The hardest part is referring to you as Benjamin when I speak to them. To me you’re Jonah.” “I can see how that’s a problem. We’ll work it out. Damn, Red, thank you. I don’t just mean the gift either. I mean all of it. Your persistence, your passion. Your love.” I kissed his jaw, his stubble coarse on my sensitive lips. “You don’t need to thank me.” “I do have a gift for you. I just don’t want you to move off me.” “Well she’ll have to!” Came a voice from the doorway. “I have potatoes that need chopping and veggies that need peeling. If either of you want to eat today, you’ll separate and get your tushies downstairs.” We both giggled like children, promising that we would be downstairs to help soon. Soon turned out to be two hours later. Mom was rather tipsy by then. It was a Christmas like no other, and I

prayed New Years with Jonah’s family would be the same.

I was a little sad we had to leave Cape Cod. The time at my mom’s went by far too fast, and it was difficult to leave her. In previous years, I’d spent all of Christmas and New Years at home with her, even when I was living with Nathan. It was a tradition. But we had a flight to Philadelphia to see Jonah’s parents. Tomorrow would be New Years Eve – my birthday. I purposefully kept this detail about myself from Jonah. He had enough on his mind without having to worry about a gift or festivities for me. Jonah struggled to cope with his mixed emotions. He wanted to go and see his family, however the unknown was scaring him. I tried to console him on the flight; touching him, kissing him, and trying to get him to verbalize his concerns. He brushed off my worries, but the shaking of his hand when he held my pinkie in his proved he was affected. By the time we were in the taxi, Jonah was a mess, and the closer we got to his parent’s, the worse the

trembling became. I sensed the attack only moments before he began gasping. I got the driver to stop the cab, and rifled through Jonah’s backpack until I found his meds. I had packed a couple of paper bags, worried that this would happen, but they were in my suitcase. So I rushed around to the trunk, and fought with the zipper of the case. I could hear Jonah’s wheezing, and I fought to calm myself down, but I couldn’t. The man I loved was suffering. I was suffering as I took my time helping him. I cleared my head and went back to Jonah. I had him breathe in and out of the paper bag like we’d done the previous times he’d had an attack. I ran my fingers through his hair and down his neck to help soothe him. It was an hour before we could continue on our way, and much to my surprise, the cab driver had been really caring. He’d stayed with us, even offering to take Jonah to the local hospital. After I’d explained the situation to him, that Jonah needed a few minutes then we’d be fine to travel, he simply nodded and waited. I was thankful we were in Philly rather than New York. No cab drivers in New York would’ve been so kind.

I called his mom, telling her our flight had been delayed. She didn’t question my explanation, but squealed in excitement when I told her we’d e there shortly. “How are you doing?” I asked, stroking Jonah’s arm. “I’m sorry I scared you,” he croaked out. “I thought I had a hold on it all. Clearly, that’s not the case.” “You expect too much of yourself. Did you really think you could just walk into that house and everything would be fine? Jonah-” He placed his finger across my lips, cutting me off. “I was being stupid. I thought I was dealing with it – I wasn’t. I hate that I scared you. I hate that you always end up looking after me.” I wrapped my fingers around his wrist as his hand moved to hold the back of my neck. “You can’t do this alone. Please don’t push me aside.” His fingers flexed on my skin in an attempt to show he was disturbed by my pleading. I wanted to

continue but thought better of it. Jonah had a lot to deal with, and an argument with me would be futile. We embraced as he stared out the window, his face stoic, the muscle in his cheek pulsing every few seconds. I wondered if he was thinking back to his childhood. Jonah’s fingers toyed absentmindedly with the bracelet he’d bought me for Christmas. I watched; his nimble fingers toying with each platinum link as they looped around my wrist. He stopped when he reached the tiny envelope that dangled from it. I had laughed when I’d noticed it. I was amazed at the amount of thought he’d put into my gift, even having our mailbox numbers engraved on it. “We’re here,” Jonah mumbled, sitting forward and letting go of my arm. His face turned ashen, but when I tried to console him, he shrank away. “I just need a minute, Red.” I let him exit the cab, studying his rigid movements as he stood staring at the house in front of us. I paid the driver and thanked him for his assistance then removed our suitcases from the trunk. The urgency to help him, to comfort the man I loved, coursed through my body.

I walked closer, aware that the cab was driving away, and placed my hand at the base of his spine. “This is the house you grew up in?” I questioned softly. He cleared his throat but didn’t speak, just nodded. “You know they’re expecting us, so chances are they’re watching you right now. Waiting for you to knock on the door.” He drew back, swallowing and shaking his head. “I can’t do this. I shouldn’t be here...” Jonah tried to walk away, determined to shake off my grip, but I held firm. It was obvious this wasn’t going to be easy. I thought he’d resolved and worked through this. Realization struck; it would always be this way with Jonah. For every two steps forward he took, there would always be one back. It wasn’t scared though, because I knew in my heart that someday he would be able to walk into that house and hug his family without being affected by his dark past.

“Jonah,” I snapped, trying to gain his attention before he had another anxiety attack. “You can do this. I know you. I love you, and I know this is something you can cope with.” “Can’t.” I crouched down, making sure I made eye contact. “Do you trust me?” “More than anyone in my life. Ever,” he replied vehemently. “So listen to me, hold my hand and come on.” I was abrupt with him, but being gentle wouldn’t help this time. He took my hand, his eyes full of sorrow. I brought his knuckles to my lips and kissed them. At the same time I heard the front door open. Jonah shuddered. “Oh God, Elle.” I gazed across the garden to see a short brunette

step out onto the ramped porch. She was wiping her hands on a dish cloth and smiling in our direction. Her hair was poker straight, hanging down to her shoulders. I could see it was slightly darker than Jonah’s, however, her eyes were the exact shade of ice blue as his. They were piercing. I would have been frightened had I not already known the warmth those eyes could hold. Jonah’s eyes were just as intense. “Red, you’ve got to help me,” he begged. “I can’t move.” I stroked his arm, returning his mom’s smile. “You can do this. One step at a time, baby.” His grip tightened on my hand as we walked up the path. We left the suitcases at the edge of the garden; they could wait. I whispered words of encouragement and held my free hand out for Mrs. Samuels to shake. I was afraid she was going to fling herself at Jonah as she moved on to the tip of her toes, but she thought better of it and took my offered hand. “You must be Elle.” She wiped a tear, and mouthed ‘thank you’.

“No thanks needed, Mrs. Samuels.” I tried to hang back, wanting them to have a moment alone, but Jonah was holding firm. Jonah stiffened as his mom raised her hand to cup his face. “Oh, my boy!” She wept. “My silly, silly boy!” My throat constricted as I watched them. He was staring at her, every thought playing across his features as he contemplated what action to take next. Tears were openly rolling down his mom’s face; they were threatening to spill from mine, too. It was icy cold out in the garden, but neither mother nor son seemed to notice. Jonah was wearing his coat; his mom dressed in a thin lilac cardigan and black slacks. I opened my mouth, ready to interrupt, when someone else exited the house. A tall man, with a thick, bushy beard, started toward us. The top of his head was a complete contrast to his beard, because his hair had been shaved off. His eyes were a warm brown, and as he came closer, I caught a whiff of tobacco. “Tom, have you seen our boy? He’s so grown!”

She reached out for Tom’s support, much like Jonah was doing with me. Tom nodded in Jonah’s direction. He repeated his wife’s action of edging forward but then holding himself back. “Let’s go inside. Quinn is waiting,” Tom rumbled before turning to me. “Hello, Elle. Hear you’ve been looking after Ben. ” “I-” “It’s Jonah now, Tom,” Mrs. Samuels added. A small whimper slipped from Jonah’s lips. I was about to come to his rescue when his mom looped her arm around his waist and led him back to the house. His fingers slipped from mine. I let him go. Tom lingered behind and helped me with the suitcases. “Dunno if I can get used to calling him Jonah.”

I snorted, “I’m always shocked when I hear the name Ben. I guess that makes us even.” Tom grinned, pushing the door open for me. “Thanks for bringing him home, Elle.” I was at a loss for words. So many years had passed, so much pain left to fester, and therefore four lives had been placed on hold. This had to be a new start, because each one of them deserved it. I abandoned the suitcases just inside of the door. Tom led me into the living room where Jonah was sitting on the edge of the couch. Quinn was in his wheelchair, pushed right up to the couch, bracketing Jonah’s legs. They were holding hands. The ache in my heart was replaced with hope. Hope and love. Jonah gazed up at me, his eyes glittering with tears. I caught a hint of something else in them as well. It was something I’d only seen on rare occasions.

Jonah was happy. He waved me over, patting the seat next to him and gesturing toward Quinn. “This is my brother. Quinn, this is Elle.” Quinn had the largest of smiles, and the biggest brown eyes – just like his father’s. His hair was dark and bounced around his face in wild curls. I chuckled to myself, wondering if Tom had chosen to shave his head thanks to a mass of curls. “Hey,” he grinned wider, flashing a dimple in my direction. I couldn’t help but smile back; he was infectious, and the dimple was an exact replica of Jonah’s. “We brought gifts. Jonah told me you were into video games, Quinn.” Quinn laughed as his parents excused themselves to make some coffee. “You know his name’s Ben, right? I mean, he didn’t just decide on Jonah, that’s his middle name, but his real name is Ben.”

“Take a breath, buddy,” Jonah said, placing a hand on Quinn’s knee. Quinn reached out, scooping up Jonah’s pinkie in his and lifted them into the air. “I’m awesome. I’m finally awesome.” I stood up, kissed Jonah on the forehead and left them alone. They needed space, and I was barely holding it together. Since I was unsure which bedroom we’d be staying in, I went back out to the garden. That was where I broke down. I sobbed and then called my mom, just to tell her I loved her.

“Hey, baby, what are you doing out here?” Jonah’s voice startled me. I had nodded off, even in the cold. I still held my cell in my hand from the call to my mom. I felt disorientated, unaware of how long I’d been sitting out on the porch.

Jonah wrapped a blanket around my shoulders and passed me a steaming mug of coffee. I hugged it close, sighing when he pressed his lips against mine. He tasted of coffee and chocolate. The only thing I wanted to do was sink into his warmth. “You didn’t need to leave. I was doing alright,” he grumbled, sitting down next to me and resting his head on my shoulder. “I known. That’s why I left you guys to it. You need some time alone, as a family.” “But-” “I don’t mind, Jonah. I don’t mind at all; as long as it makes you happy.” He exhaled loudly and tickled his fingers against mine where I held the mug of coffee. “I’m numb. It’s hard to believe I’m here. That they want me here.” “Does it look the same? The house, I mean?” I

asked, changing the topic. “Except for the ramp and the renovations for Quinn’s chair. It was like walking back in time when I got out of the cab. I just remembered that day, the car and the huge argument. I couldn’t shift the memory of Quinn...” he gulped. I shifted away from him, placing the mug onto the floor, then turned back to face him. I sat cross-legged on the bench and brought my blanket around us both, surrounding us in a fleecy cocoon. Jonah rested his forehead against mine and kissed the tip of my nose. “This is hard, Red. I don’t know what to say to them, except repeat that I’m sorry,” he uttered. “I’m pretty sure they don’t want that,” I pointed out. “You have to show them who you are now. Who Jonah is, not Ben. Your family deserves to know the real you.” He gave a low moan and dragged me onto his lap, tucking the blanket back around us. When he spoke, his lips caressed my ear, eliciting the shiver I was becoming accustomed to.

“How do I go back? Where do I start?” “You take one step at a time. You can do this. They love you. After they see what you’ve done for yourself, they’ll love you even more.” I grinned when he kissed my neck. “Your mom will be so proud when she sees your novels. Quinn will go crazy when he hears you play.” “Damn, Red, it’s no wonder I fell so hard for you. I was powerless to your persistence.” “There you are! We were beginning to think you’d both run away.” Our heads spun toward the door as Jonah’s mom walked closer to the bench. “You two shouldn’t be out here. It’s far too cold,” she pointed out. “Ben, Tom has taken your suitcases to your old room. Why don’t you go and help him? I’d like to get to know Elle.” Jonah nodded as I slipped off his lap. He kissed me tenderly, whispering his love before going inside. I

smiled when he touched his mom’s hand as he walked by then reaching back down for my mug. I needed something to do, something to divert my attention from the force of Mrs. Samuels gaze. “You don’t need to hide out here.” She patted my knee, sitting down next to me and smoothing her hair away from her face. “You all needed the space. This situation is difficult enough as it is, without me interfering, Mrs. Samuels.” “It’s Emily, and without your interference, my boy wouldn’t have returned home.” I tried to interject, but she held a finger up and continued. “For years we’ve tried to get Ben -sorry, Jonah, to come home. He steadfastly refused. It was Quinn’s idea to refuse the checks. He thought that would anger him enough to at least get a phone call. It worked, but it was you that brought him home. For that I will forever be thankful.” I nodded, though I didn’t fully agree. Jonah had to do the hard part, I’d just been there to support him along the

way. I debated for a moment, wondering if I should ask the question playing on the tip of my tongue. Emily nodded anticipating my curiosity. “Have you really forgiven him? There were no recriminations from me when Jonah first confessed. I saw it for what it was, although it wasn’t my son that he hurt. I’m sorry to be so blunt. I love him. I can’t stop the need to protect him. He’s been raw for so long, Emily. I just want to help.” Her hand fluttered to her throat, and she began toying with the locket on her necklace. She hadn’t expected me to be so straight forward, but there was no way I was hiding when it came to Jonah. He was my future. I refused to let anything else scar him. “I’m glad my son has you. You’ll take good care of him, I see that.” She took a deep breath, “I did blame him at the start, and so did Tom. We were so consumed with making sure Quinn was okay that we ignored B- Jonah. In some ways, I think that helped Tom and I process the accident, but by the time we could tell him that he was forgiven, he’d run away.” Her voice cracked; guilt swirled low in my stomach.

“I can’t imagine-” “You’re right, you can’t imagine. After everything settled down, and Quinn was back home, we felt the loss even more. We kept his room exactly the way it was the day he left. In fact, he’s probably looking through everything now. So, to answer your question, yes, we have really forgiven him. We can see that he isn’t the same impetuous boy he once was. We’ve all moved on, forged a new path. It would be wonderful if that included my son and you, of course.” “He misses you,” I added. “But it may take some time for him to admit that. I fought for quite a while before he opened up to me.” “Thank you, again,” she smiled, before standing. “You should go to him. I think he may need you. There are a lot of memories up in that bedroom.” I wrapped the blanket tighter around myself and shuffled across the porch. Emily took the mug from my hands and opened the door. “I can see why my son fell in love with you, Elle.

You’re just what he needs.” She kissed my cheek, before disappearing inside. I took a moment, preparing myself for what I might find in Jonah’s bedroom. Once I made it up to there, I got a pleasant surprise. Jonah and Quinn were looking through what appeared to be one of his graphic novels. They were chuckling as Jonah gave him the synopsis of the plot. I didn’t want to intrude so took a step back. “Hey, don’t go!” Quinn shouted, elbowing his brother. “Your girlfriend’s gonna bail, J.” Jonah smiled, the kind that flashed his dimples as he held his hand out to me. The frown lines between his brows had disappeared. He oozed happiness. “Red,” he breathed, setting my skin alight. Just one word from his lips had the ability to make me swoon, especially when it was uttered in that tone. I entwined my fingers with his, squealing when he hauled me closer. “You guys need to get a room,” Quinn grumbled.

“We do,” Jonah snorted. “This is my room.” Jonah hugged me as Quinn grew serious, “Is it? I mean, after you’ve gone will this room stay empty for another ten years?” He didn’t sound harsh, just protective of his family, of his heart. It reminded me of how Jonah was in the beginning. Jonah hooked Quinn’s pinkie, and his answer was soothing. “I’m not running away this time, buddy. I’m here. Everything is going to be just fine.” I snuggled closer to Jonah, humming with contentment when he kissed my cheek. He was right, everything was going to okay.

“Was that some kind of rite of passage?” I asked, looking down at Jonah. The grin I got in response was huge, spreading from ear to ear and lighting up his face. “What passage would that be?” “Sex with your girlfriend in your childhood bed,” I pointed out. He lifted his hips, inducing a soft sigh from my lips, as his erection pressed against my sex. I was straddled across his hips, still breathless from our love making. We were holding hands, our fingers entwined and our eyes locked. We were in our own little

world, and for once, we were both happy. Though Jonah and his family had much to work through, the initial meeting had gone better than expected. Tom and Emily’s reassurance that they held no animosity toward him made the situation easier. They’d spent the entire evening questioning him about the last eleven years. Quinn was a different story. After the initial excitement, he had become reserved and sometimes snappy with Jonah. Both of them were doing their best to mend the broken bond. It was naïve to think that after so many years, after all the scars, everything would go smoothly. Time and patience would be imperative from this point on. “Well, considering I never thought I’d ever come back here, then I would say I’m allowed that passage. Don’t you?” He wiggled his brows and flipped us over so that my back was flat on the mattress. He hovered over me, peppering my face with hot kisses until I squealed. “Shush,” he whispered. “You’ll wake everyone up.”

He rolled my nipple, and I had to stifle a moan. I batted his hand away, giggling and calling him a tease. “You weren’t exactly quiet earlier when you arrived.” “Arrived? You mean when I came? Cute, Red, very cute.” My cheeks began to flame as I flushed with mortification. “Oh, God, do you think they heard? Damn, that’s really disrespectful, Jonah.” I tried to move out from under him. He held me firm, trying to talk me down from my bout of embarrassment. “We were quiet, not that it matters, because I heard them leave about an hour ago.” I slapped his chest and rolled out from under him. “You’re an evil tease, Jonah Quinn!” I could hear his chuckle, but my back was turned. I was sat on the edge of the bed, grabbing for my robe on the floor. I felt him approach seconds before he murmured into my ear.

“Happy birthday, baby.” I spun, jarring my nose against his chin. We both winced, rubbing the sore skin. “W-what did you...? How did you know?” He grinned, still rubbing his chin. It created a rasping sound as his fingers flicked against the coarse stubble. His eyes were glinting playfully, giving him a childlike appearance. “Your mom. She knew you wouldn’t tell me.” “You’ve got enough to deal with. I didn’t think it was all that important in the grand scheme of things.” Jonah moved his hand to my face, his thumb stroking my jaw. “To me, everything about you is important. Now,” he paused then jumped off the bed and began rummaging through his suitcase. I drank in the sight of his naked ass, fighting the urge to drool. “Do you want your present?”

“Oh, Jonah.” “Don’t tell me I shouldn’t have, because that’s garbage. I love you and I get to spoil you on your birthday if I want. So stop pouting.” He placed a quick kiss on my lips and pushed something into my palm. “Now, open your gift.” I opened my hand, taking in the small, black velvet box that he’d placed there. My heart began to pound fiercely. My blood pressure shot through the roof. This couldn’t be what it looked like; I refused to believe it. “J-Jonah,” I stuttered. He said nothing, just continued to look at me, watching my reaction. So with trembling fingers, I pried the box apart, letting out a squeak as I revealed what was inside. It was a ring; simple, yet utterly beautiful ring. A thick, white gold band held one small diamond placed in the center of the ring. “It’s not what you think,” he stated, taking it from the box. “Well, at least not yet it isn’t.” I frowned at him, confused. It could only be one

thing, couldn’t it? Jonah took hold of my right hand and started to place the white gold band on my ring finger. “One day, when I’m better, when I don’t need half of the medicine cabinet to get through the day, I’m going to move this ring onto your other hand. I’ll do it the right way then, but for now I want you to know how much I love you. I want to show you that sticking with me through all of this is worth it.” I whimpered. “Oh, God, I’m messing this up, aren’t I? I shouldn’t have given it to you, not until I meant it. I’m sorry, so sor-” I pressed my lips to his, kissing him with ferocity. His arms banded around mine, pulling me as close to his body as he could. We toppled back onto the mattress and communicated every emotion we felt through touches, kisses, and soft sighs. His thumb skimmed the ring on my finger. He lifted it between us, his eyes darting from my hand to my face.

“You didn’t mess it up. I’m stunned.” “Should I have left it until I meant it, until I could ask you the right way?” Jonah asked worried. “You did ask in the right way,” I responded, skimming my hand down his bare back. “It took me by surprise.” “It was supposed to,” he snorted. He kissed my shoulder, and then began nibbling on my collarbone. I started squirming. We both froze when we heard laughter shortly before the front door slammed shut. “We had better get up,” I grumbled, only to have Jonah push lustfully between my legs. “Getting up sounds like a perfect idea.” I pushed him off me and tugged on my robe. “You’re as bad as a pubescent teenager. Come on, let’s go and help your parents get ready for the party.”

Jonah flopped back, his hands behind his head. The evidence of his desire making itself known. “Sure you don’t want to come back to bed, baby?” I let out an involuntary moan, but shook my head, promising I’d make him pay for taunting me. As I walked to the shower, I could hear him laughing to himself. I looked down at my right hand as I turned on the hot water and felt panic jolt through my body. I had the sudden urge to call my mom but wasn’t sure how I’d explain the situation with the ring to her, so I opted to call J.J. I sat on the edge of the tub, pouring my heart out to my friend. For once, she wasn’t dismissive. During the phone call she helped me realize I was most likely overwhelmed by the event s of the past several weeks. That just like Jonah, I need time to process all of the changes. Jonah startled me with a tap on the door as I dried myself off…only when I opened it, it wasn’t Jonah…It was Quinn.

“Can I talk to you before the party?” He questioned. I agreed, but needed to get dressed, so I told him to wait on the porch for me. I knew he wanted to talk about Jonah.

When I walked out onto the porch, Quinn was waiting in the far corner. He had a dark blue blanket covering his legs along with fingerless gloves on his hands. He clutched a mug of what smelled like hot chocolate. He had slicked his curls back from his face; his hair now darker and shinier than before. He was also sporting a scowl I hadn’t been privy too before, so I approached with caution. “Quinn?” “Hey, could you sit down. I just wanted to talk to you.” I wrapped my cardigan tighter around myself and

moved over to the bench. Quinn didn’t start to speak until I had taken a seat. “I want to tell you that I’m trying. I’m finding it difficult watching you two, but I am working through it.” “I thought you and Jonah were doing okay?” He gave a shrug. “We were, are, but seeing the way he is with you makes dealing with this,” he hit the wheel of his chair, “more difficult.” “I don’t understand.” He took a sip of the hot chocolate and stared out across the garden. I noticed the skin was darker underneath his eyes, as if he’d had little sleep last night. Jonah being here was already taking its toll on his brother. “It’s difficult for you to really grasp it,” he started, breaking into my thoughts. “I’m still a kid, but there is stuff I think about. Things I can’t help but think about.” I nodded in understanding but waited to speak,

because he wasn’t finished. “The future scares me, Elle.” His voice became low, and he hid his face from me. “No one is going to love me the way you love my brother.” My heart clenched; my stomach sank, and I reached out to take his hand. “Quinn, I’ll be honest because there’s no point in lying to you. It’s true finding someone may be harder than most, but once you find that person she’ll love you no matter what. The chair will be of little significance. I assure you.” “That’s what Mom says.” “She’s right,” I replied, stroking his arm. “You’ll see. I know it’s not my place to tell you what to do, Quinn, but talking to Jonah might help. He has more insight regarding this than you realize.” He nodded, but I didn’t think he believed me. I decided to change the topic in the hope that he would brighten up. “Have you seen your brother’s tattoos? The one

on his side is a copy of his comic book character.” Quinn inhaled sharply, before bursting into laughter. “What?” I smiled, his laugh was infectious. “Jonah wouldn’t be happy with you calling them comic books. They’re graphic novels.” I held my hands up in surrender, still giggling at his reaction when I felt someone behind me. Fingers interlaced with mine. I sighed, relaxing into him. When he spoke, his words rumbled through me. I shivered decadently. “Are you flashing your birthday present around already?” He muttered loud enough for Quinn to overhear. “It’s your birthday? Does Mom know?” Quinn questioned, already starting to twist his chair around. Jonah nodded. “I just told her. She’s not happy that she didn’t know before. She’s asked for your mom’s number so that she can make sure she has all the relevant

dates, for future reference of course.” “She what?” I responded somewhat hysterically. “Don’t panic, but to be honest, you’ll need to get used to my mom wanting to know things about you. She’s only skimmed the surface.” He backed me up against the side of the house, his hands cupping my face, as he uttered softly, “And so have I.” Quinn sniggered, before rolling his chair into the house. We heard him yell out for his mom. I grinned, but sobered when my eyes met Jonah’s. “Is Quinn okay? He’s been somewhat short with me. I mean, I expect it, really I do, but I thought maybe-” I stopped his ramble by placing my finger across his lips. “Quinn will be just fine. Thing is, he needs his big brother. He needs someone to talk to about what he’s feeling. I’m certain you’ll be able to help him. This could help move your relationship forward. Your parents will feel more comfortable if you guys are getting along.”

“Thank you,” he exhaled, nuzzling my neck. “This whole situation was easier with you. Damn, who am I kidding? It wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t met you. From that first day I saw you, I knew you were different. I knew you were special.” “Is that why you avoided me?” He kissed the skin beneath my earlobe, his chest pushing against mine. My right hand was on his shoulder, and the light glinted off the diamond. “I avoided you because you scared the hell out of me! I was stupid. Forgive me?” He shot me a sad puppy look, but the dimple on his right cheek gave him away. “You’re not sorry at all!” I spluttered, giving a weak shove to his chest. His arms tightened around me, whispering his next words into my ear, “I am sorry, because time has been

wasted. I’ve done that with you and with my family. I’m not doing it anymore. Elle, I love you.” “Good. Because I love you, too. Now we’d better go and help your mom with the party.” Jonah interlocked his fingers with mine and led me into the house. Though it was my birthday, and I missed my mom, being with Jonah’s family as they healed and forged new bonds felt so right. I belonged here. For the next three hours I prepared food, mixed drinks, and helped decorate the house. We worked in perfect synchronicity, dancing around each other as we moved around the house. I laughed along with Emily as she told stories about when Jonah was a boy, and then grew solemn when she recounted the times when she needed her son but he was no longer there. Emily didn’t cry, however. She retold the stories with a smile on her face, but touched Jonah several times to reassure herself that he was really back home. It was heartwarming to watch. When I went to shower and change my clothes I

could still hear them talking in the kitchen. It confirmed that I’d made the right choice when I decided to push Jonah into reconciling with his family. He needed them, and they needed him. I was in Jonah’s bedroom, drying my hair when the first guests arrived. After that they came thick and fast. I wondered just how many people could fit into the house, because it wasn’t large by any means, and I was nervous about meeting their family and friends. I checked my appearance in the mirror one last time, hoping the dress I was wearing was conservative enough for Jonah’s family, yet sexy enough to impress the man himself. I fluffed my hair, and applied some more lip gloss, before slipping on my blue heels. “Well now, Happy New Year to me.” “Is it?” I questioned, as Jonah wrapped his arms around my waist and rested his chin on my shoulder. “Has your mom stopped crying yet?” He chuckled, the sound skittering across my body, breaking out the goose-bumps. “Can you image how

emotional she’ll be when I propose properly?” “When?” He turned me to face him and kissed the tip of my nose. “You know it’ll happen, Red, and you’ll say yes.” I took hold of the collar of his white shirt and tugged him back down to my lips. “Awfully, sure of yourself, aren’t you?” “Only with you, and only because of you.” We kissed with a slow, tender passion; his hands caressing my body with deliberate seduction. I wriggled out from his embrace, wagging my finger at him and smiling when he pouted. “We need to join the party, especially now that it has turned into a pre-engagement one.” Jonah opened the bedroom door. He placed his hand on my hip as he guided me into the hallway.

“And let’s not forgot your birthday,” he murmured. “Do you have a party every New Years?” He shrugged. “They didn’t when I was younger, perhaps because I would have stolen the liquor. Then I would have caused a commotion.” “Yes,” his mom confirmed, walking out of the kitchen, glasses of wine in both hands. “He would have. But we won’t be here with Ben.” She patted Jonah’s cheek. “This is my son. He changed himself when he changed his name.” Jonah hugged her. Tears prickled my eyes at the sight of the two of them embraced. I wasn’t going to disturb them. I turned to go help in the kitchen, but Jonah reached out and hooked my pinkie in his. A couple of minutes later, Tom came through holding a platter of finger food. “Can I join the love-in?” he laughed. Emily tittered, and let go of Jonah. “You two go and watch the fireworks with Quinn. Mr. Driver sets them off

every hour until midnight.” I walked to the door, but Emily stopped me, tapping me on the shoulder and pulling me into a hug. She kissed my cheek and whispered, “Thank you for making my family whole again.” Word failed me, so I gave her a shy smile. “Stop daydreaming, and come outside, Red,” Jonah teased as he passed my sweater to me. He pulled me out onto the porch, smiling at the other guests that littered the garden. The people accepted Jonah without question, welcoming him into the community. I wondered if the Samuels had spoken to any neighbors that remembered him, or if they simply introduced him as Jonah, their son. Quinn seemed happier after our chat. He was talking and joking with his Jonah again. I hoped that in the next three days they could strengthen and mend their broken bond. “You’re in your own world tonight, baby. What’s

wrong?” Jonah’s warmth seeped into my back as he stood behind me, cuddling me close. I rested my head back onto his chest, feeling his breaths ruffle my hair. I was utterly content. “Nothing’s wrong. I was just thinking.” “About?” “How everything is about to change.” His lips tickled my neck as he exhaled and then spoke, “It is, but remember one thing; I love you. That will never change.” “That’s good, because you promised to put this ring on my other hand, and apparently I’m going to accept.” His arms tightened around me. “Oh, you will. Now tell me you love me too.”

I smiled, lifting my hand to stroke his cheek. “I love you, Jonah. I really do.” I was utterly content being in his arms as we stood on the porch watching fireworks. And though it wasn’t a fairy tale, I had no doubt that everything would be just fine for Jonah and I. Our story was just beginning, with the rules yet to be written.

Six months later. “So? Do you like it?” Jonah hummed, peppering my shoulder and neck with kisses. He wasn’t looking at the monitor; he was far too interested in seducing me. Normally I wouldn’t mind, but today I was showing him the result of all my hard work. I was showing him the website I had created for his graphic novels. It had been difficult, and sometimes frustrating, but it was the best work I had ever created. It was a basic black and gray color scheme, with pencil sketches of his characters bordering the main menu. Clicking on each

character would take you to a new section of the site, each having its own soundbite. I was incredibly proud of it. “Jonah, you hate it, don’t you? Oh God, I’ll scrap it – start again.” He held the seat of my chair, spinning me around to face him. He blockaded my body by placing his hands on the arms of the chair, then he leaned in low. “I love it. It’s perfect. I’m blown away by your talent. I guess I’m just overwhelmed that you wanted to do this for me.” “So you’re doing what you always do?” I questioned, quirking a brow at him. He shook his head; his longer hair whipping at his cheeks. “I’m not hiding behind sex with you, baby.” “Good.” I wound my arms around his neck. “Because you have enough therapy classes to attend without adding sex to the list.” His chuckle skittered across my skin, and a delicious shiver wracked my body. Jonah’s lips moved back to my ear as he whispered, “You are an addiction I

would never want a cure for.” “Oh, Mr. Smooth. You have all the right words, don’t you?” I teased. His teeth grazed my lobe, amplifying my lust tenfold. He was evil, sent to Earth to torture me with his nimble fingers and seductive drawl. Pure evil. He brushed aside the question, sucking my earlobe into his mouth, then whispering, “I called Mom. She got the flowers and has the guest room ready for next weekend.” I tried to concentrate on his words, rather than his lips but it was impossible. Jonah knew it, and he was keeping the conversation light on purpose. Did I mention he was evil? I tried to pull him closer, wondering if I could overpower him enough to switch places and straddle his lap. It was futile though, my man wouldn’t budge. “Problem, baby?”

I shoved at his chest, standing up when he stumbled back. “Nope, not at all. Hadn’t you better get going to Cellar?” I replied dismissively. “Yeah, in a bit.” His arms came around my waist, and he pushed his hands into the back pockets of my jeans. “I want some attention from you first.” He pouted, putting on his best sad puppy face and eliciting a light giggle from me. “I give you far too much attention. Meow feels pushed aside.” “Meow needs to find himself a female. Everything will fall into place when he does that.” I snorted at his innuendo, though the expression on his face told me he had no idea what had amused me. I lifted my hands, combing my fingers through the front of his hair and watching as he closed his eyes, reveling in my touch. “Did everything fall into place for you then?” Jonah hummed, lowering his head without

opening his eyes, and kissed me. He poured every ounce of love and devotion he felt into it. I was left breathless. I was always left breathless. I worried I would become complacent with him, because I had with Nathan, but Jonah was always a revelation. “My life was dark, tortured, and empty before you found me. You brought the light, Red. I love you.” I hugged him tightly, wanting to stay in his arms forever. I could never get enough of him, of us. I grumbled when he removed his hand from my pocket, unhooking my left arm from his neck. I thought he was about to lock his pinkie with mine, but instead he skimmed his thumb across the base of my left ring finger. “Looks a bit bare, doesn’t it?” He rasped. I swallowed, not wanting to get excited, murmuring, “I suppose.” Jonah reached for my right hand, making eye contact as he slipped the diamond ring he’d given me off my finger. Butterflies began rioting in my stomach. I had to mentally tell myself to breathe.

“I bought you this for your birthday, promising you that when the time was right I would move it onto the other hand. That time is now.” He bent down on one knee, gazing up as tears glittered on the tips of his lashes. “Marry me, Elle.” My whole body shuddered as my mouth opened and closed. I couldn’t say anything; emotion was choking me, so I lowered myself to the floor, and knelt in front of him. I hooked my pinkie in his and nodded. Tears began to stream down my face, Jonah’s hand trembling when he pushed the ring onto my left hand. “I know I’m not perfect. I know I still have a way to go, but I need you in my life. I need you next to me when I wake up, need you holding my hand when everything gets to be too much, and I want you in my bed at night. I know there is no one else for me. You were made to be a part of my life, and I can make you happy, baby. I can make you so happy.”

Before he could say anything else, I flung myself at him, toppling him onto his back. I straddled his hips and sprinkled kisses all over his face. The salty tang of his tears mixed with my own as I pulled back to speak to him. “And I can’t be without you, Jonah.” His hand gripped my side, his fingers flexing when they came across a foreign texture. I smirked. “Red?” I climbed off him, stood, and removed my tank. Turning my back to him, I revealing a patch of raw skin at the base of my spine. It was covered in a clear film that was taped to my skin, but I knew Jonah could see what I’d had done. “A tattoo? You got a tattoo? For me?” He stammered incredulously. “I did.” It was his signature – the one he used on his

graphic novels; two circles bisected with one line. It would be etched on my skin forever, just like Jonah was etched on my heart forever. It was true, he still had things he needed to work through, but I wouldn’t change the journey we were on for anything. Every step Jonah had taken led him here. To New York. To the mailboxes. To me.

Table of Contents Cover Title Copyrigh About_Author Dedication Ch_01 Ch_02 Ch_03 Ch_04 Ch_05 Ch_06 Ch_07 Ch_08 Ch_09 Ch_10 Ch_11 Ch_12 Ch_13 Ch_14 Ch_15 Ch_16 Ch_17 Ch_18 Ch_19 Ch_20

Ch_21 Ch_22 Ch_23 Ch_24 Ch_25 Epilogue