The Woman's Around the House Guide to Masturbation

THE WOMAN'S AROUND-THE-HOUSE GUIDE TO MASTURBATION By TINA HESS A Renaissance E Books publication ISBN 1-58873-316-5 Al...

Author: Tina Hess

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THE WOMAN'S AROUND-THE-HOUSE GUIDE TO MASTURBATION By TINA HESS A Renaissance E Books publication ISBN 1-58873-316-5 All rights reserved Copyright © 2004 Tina Hess This book may not be reproduced in whole or in part without written permission. For information contact: [email protected] A Sizzler Edition

Tina Hess

Woman's Around-the-House Guide

CONTENTS Introduction Why Not Use Traditional Sex Toys Instead? Testimonials Getting Started SECTION 1: Straight from the Grocery List Cucumbers Squash Bananas Polish Sausages Popsicles Ice and Candles SECTION 2: Kitchen Gadgets and Appliances Wooden Spoons Turkey Basters Baby Bottle Brushes Countertops Knife Handles SECTION 3: Bathroom Accessories Electric Toothbrushes Water Sprays Massagers Empty Bottles Bathtubs Electric Shavers SECTION 4: Around the House Living Room Furniture Table Legs Wash Cloths Vacuums and Other Carpet Cleaners Pillows Towels The Washing Machine Brushes

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SECTION 5: The Happy Handy-woman Flashlights Quick Fix Tools Riding Mowers Ropes SECTION 6: Putting It into Practice Vegetable Lover The Fun in Doing Dishes The Sweetest Revenge Dirty Movie By the Light APPENDICES Sex Toy Substitutions Online Resources About the Author

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DISCLAIMER The author does not claim to be a doctor, therapist, or an expert in regards to the subject matter of this book. These tips are meant for pleasure and enjoyment, but are not to replace medical advice or assistance. Neither the author, publisher, or any persons in any way associated with this book guarantees the safety, methods, or effectiveness discussed in the following pages. The things discussed in this book are mere suggestions and to be used at the option and risk of the reader.

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INTRODUCTION This book was originally written as a comical outlook on the way household gadgets, groceries, and appliances could be used as sex toys. Often times, female friends would joke about a cucumber or make a comment about a shower massager. It was always followed by a giggle, of course, and never taken seriously. The traditional sex toys (if there is such a thing as traditional sex toys) like vibrators were still the ones we resorted to in the privacy of our own rooms and the toys we would admit to using without embarrassment. Who wants to confess they spend one-on-one time with a banana? However, as I started to write the book and talked to women more seriously about it, a few things became clear. Some women openly use "everyday objects" to pleasure themselves. They are always open to new ideas and would love an alternative to vibrators, dildos, or other toys. Others, that have never discovered the joy of a bathroom counter, have considered the idea but don't have a clue where to begin. Then, there are some ladies that won't talk about it at all. Sexuality is not something every woman is comfortable talking about. They are too embarrassed to buy a vibrator, much less to ask what items around the house might help them orgasm. These three types of women that I met convinced me that this book needed to be written in a more serious light. And, not only did it need to include items to be used as toys, but information and places to go to learn more about their sexuality and masturbation. I am by no means a doctor or therapist. The suggestions in this book are to be taken at your own risk, using caution and safety. The "ways" covered in the following chapters have not all been tried and tested by yours truly. They are compiled from research and testimonials from other women. I do not guarantee every suggestion to work for every woman, but I'm sure that every woman can find more than a few new ways to pleasure herself in the upcoming pages. For your benefit and enjoyment, each section contains mood enhancers as well - a bit of

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erotic fiction using one of the toy suggestions – to help set the mood or inspire an idea. So, please, as you read this book, keep your mind open to new and erotic ideas. Maybe they will give rise to a few of your own. If you giggle or chuckle a few times, that's okay too. From Cucumbers (#1) to Flashlights (#26), The Women's Aroundthe-house Guide to Masturbation will definitely give you ideas to use as alternatives to the standard dildos and other toys. Following these alternatives, there are links and resources for more on masturbation as well as arousal tools such as free websites for women. Yes, ladies, I mean you'll learn where to find eye candy online. Everything you need is here to begin to enjoy yourself without ever having to buy another toy or glossy magazine. Long gone are the days when ladies have to hide their sexual desires or only let them rise to the surface in the arms of a mate. We are free to say what we need and, with that, we are also able to take our own sexual urges and/or fantasies into our own hands. It doesn't have to be found in some toy we stash away either. Pleasure is as close as the bathroom, waiting for us in the fridge, or even outside in the garage. This book is dedicated to the woman, her pleasure, and the many ways in which she can get it. I hope you enjoy reading it.

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WHY NOT USE TRADITIONAL SEX TOYS INSTEAD? The question kept coming up while this book was being created: "Why use objects around the house to masturbate rather than the vibrator, dildo, or other 'traditional' sex toy?" It seems much easier to buy the 'traditional products. You know the purpose, how to use it, the desired effect, and when you need it, it's nearby in the bedroom. It takes thinking, planning, and taking safety into consideration to use an object that's meant for other purposes. So why use them? Why even bother? The first reason is excitement. When a woman wears a short skirt out in public, chooses not to wear panties, or decides to go braless for the afternoon, she does it to feel sexy and desirable. It makes her feel naughty too. No matter how much class a woman has or how moral she is in the eyes of the people around her, every female out there needs to feel 'bad' sometimes. It just so happens that, most of the time, ladies only let that playful, sexy side appear in the arms of their mate. When she masturbates, it's for release and nothing more. But what's wrong with feeling naughty when she's alone? She masturbates using a cucumber that was meant for the family dinner, she sees it as something besides produce, gives it another purpose, and for a while after she wears a grin on her face knowing how 'bad' she was. Not only did she achieve the orgasm (her primary reason for masturbation), she also shared another intimacy with herself: she was naughty. It's a sense of freedom, perhaps liberation, but definitely something that will make her face glow a little brighter. Of course, there are other reasons as well. There are countless women that, for one reason or another, do not want their significant other to know they masturbate. There was shame associated with female masturbation for years. Not only was it thought to be unhealthy, it was also thought that a woman who masturbated was cheap. Even though the world has gradually shed that mind set, some ladies were still programmed from the time they were teenagers that pleasing oneself is dirty, sick, and stereotyped as something only whores did. For a woman like that, being able to learn how to use

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objects that she has in her home provides her a way to enjoy stimulation equal to or greater that 'traditional' toys would bring, but without the humiliation or embarrassment she may suffer if someone ever found out she owned a vibrator or something like that. Another common reason is accessibility. How many times has a woman been turned on and wanted to use something to masturbate but didn't have her toys around to help her? In the middle of a movie, taking a bath, or even in a hotel room are all situations where just maybe another tool or another idea would be ideal for her. In times like these, there's also budget. Being able to use household items gives her a variety of options. Perhaps a woman with a family can't afford to buy different toys, but if she looks around her house, she can find things she already owns. There are countless reasons why using everyday objects around the house can and should be used rather than sex toys. This book is not meant to discourage any woman from using her vibrator or even buying one. However, it's meant to give her alternatives for whatever reason she may want to use them. A woman's relationship with her own body is sacred. Knowing herself and how to please her body is an important part of her self-esteem as well as her intimate pleasures. If items she finds around her home help establish that loving relationship with her body, then that's really the only reason that she needs.

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TESTIMONIALS "I'm a young college student who is just now becoming sexually active and beginning to masturbate. Using just my fingers wasn't enough to give me my first orgasm. However, on my budget, I can hardly afford to go buy a vibrator. I was glad when I was asked to read this book and give my opinions on it because it gave me other options. With the tips I found, I discovered other items I could use that I already had in my apartment. Orgasming for the first time is a scary thing for me and it helps to have a person or a book like this to make it a little easier by showing 'other' ways that I can use." –Tamyra O. *** "I have my fair share of toys and also have used some other things before to masturbate, some of which are in this book. However, I found more ideas and will definitely try them out soon." –Kimberly L. *** "When I was asked what I thought of this book and asked to write those thoughts down, I cringed. I would never admit to playing with myself and would never be caught with a toy of any kind so I don't even own them. That's why I was so glad to be able to secretly read this book and to find out I didn't have to go through embarrassment and buy a vibrator or fear getting caught owning one. Everything I might need is in my home." –Anonymous *** "I giggled throughout most of this book. In fact, I told some girlfriends about it and it was a joke we talked about. Some of the things suggested in this book are things I'm going to try, however. No matter how much it seems humorous, this book is full of ideas that every woman should consider. Giggling is fun, but the ideas I read about could be too." –Dawna

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GETTING STARTED Before you try any of the methods described on the following pages, there are some items you will need and some preparations you will need to take. The things listed below, along with the suggestions, are just a place for you to start. ITEMS: * Buy a supply of condoms. You can either purchase the traditional condoms for men or the newer female condoms. Some objects listed in this book will need to be covered before you insert them inside your vagina. * Lubricating creams or jellies. Things to do: * Make sure anything that you use is washed thoroughly with soap and water beforehand. Never insert anything that hasn't been cleaned. Even if it's lying in a drawer and hasn't been touched in months, wash it again anyway. * Check the items that you are going to use for defects. * Use common sense. Don't use an electric massager in the bathtub or do anything that could result in serious injury. * Make sure you won't be interrupted. This isn't the most important precaution, but certainly one you want to take care of.

Tina Hess


SECTION 1: Straight From the Grocery List * Cucumbers * Squash * Bananas * Polish Sausages * Popsicles * Ice and Candles

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CUCUMBERS The cucumber is a must-have in any garden. During the winter, it's the one vegetable that pays you back for placing it in the grocery cart. A lot of sexual jokes are made in reference to cucumbers and women, so for some, the thought of keeping one around the house is too embarrassing. But when tried and done properly, the laugh or the red face is only on the ladies who don't try this long, green vegetable. If you are too timid to buy a dildo or maybe just want to try something new, this may be the perfect thing for you. When you're ready to experiment with this method, try these steps below: * Start off by selecting the size. Pick the length and width. You should use a long, thick one too "stretch the limits" or a smaller, perhaps thinner one for clitoral stimulation. * Prepare the cucumber. Make sure you wash it extremely well before use. A ribbed condom may also be slid over the vegetable for extra feeling. * You can use the cucumber as a dildo during penetration or rub it against your clit for orgasm. TOY TIP: In the shower, get a cucumber and slide it inside you. Take your massaging showerhead and aim it at your clit.

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SQUASH AND GOURDS Squash come in all sizes and varied shapes. You can get smaller ones that aren't much bigger than the larger cucumbers. Then, there are also the ones that are the size of a small human head. Of course, these may be a little too big, but the varieties of sizes give you a lot of choices if you choose to use them as toys. For someone just looking for penetration, the smaller sizes can be used in much the same way as a dildo. They aren't as long, of course, as other produce that you might select, but the there is a unique benefit of choosing this method. The bulbous head gives extra friction and the feeling of being stretched is one that some women crave. The larger squash may be used as an alternative to fisting. Some women like that as a form of sexual play with a partner. So, with the squash, it is perfect for situations like when a lover isn't around and you dare to be a little kinky on your own. Here's how: * Hold the squash by the narrow end. (The brown part on the narrow end, if inserted into your vagina, may scratch you. If you want to use that part anyway, slide a condom over it. Be careful not to thrust so hard that you tear the latex. The stemmed ends of squash and/or gourds are by no means good ideas if you want to be rough.) * If you're not aroused yet, make sure you lubricate yourself before you begin. Even a smaller size squash is probably going to stretch you. It's for your comfort and enjoyment to make sure you are ready. * Take it slowly and enjoy the sensation of being stretched, or take it all at once for fisting. TOY TIP: Since squash and gourds may not be on your weekly grocery list, buy a few plastic ones. Halloween is the perfect time to find these plastic treats and the cost is low. Nobody will ever suspect your secret agenda for these decorations.

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BANANAS Bananas are a lot like cucumbers when it comes to using them as toys. They serve the same purpose: either to create clitoral stimulation or for penetration. However, there are differences in these two items. Take these into consideration to select which one is best for you. Since the two seem so alike and their uses common, which is the best to select? It’s obvious that both can be used to stimulate the clitoris. Bananas and cucumbers can both be used for penetration as well. What are the differences? Take a closer look. Bananas offer a few more benefits. When using them for penetration, you can select the hardness (green ones will be harder) you prefer. The shape is also a factor. The curve in the banana is excellent for g-spot stimulation. Cucumbers, although no less fun, do not offer these extra benefits. Try both and make the choice for yourself. TOY TIP: As mentioned above, the shape of a banana is its greatest asset. This fruit is one of the more popular "everyday toys". It's a definite "must try".

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POLISH SAUSAGES There's a certain person you can't get out of your mind. You see him. You watch him. Maybe just the sight of him makes your pulse race or perhaps he simply sends your sexual desire into overdrive. He's your fantasy when you masturbate, but somehow a cold, plastic toy or any other gadget just doesn't send you over the edge. Something that feels real, that gives the same pre-orgasmic sensations as a man penetrating you is what you crave. That's easily enough taken care of with a walk to the refrigerator or a short trip to the grocery. Polish sausages are ideal for this. Follow these suggestions using a polish sausage: 1. Let it soak in warm water long enough so it's close to the temperature a human body may be. 2. Make sure you don't leave it in the water too long, however, and get too soft, or you run the risk of it breaking off inside you during masturbation. There's not a quicker way to extinguish a fantasy than an embarrassing trip to the emergency room. 3. Once you have it slightly heated, but still relatively stiff, it can be used like a traditional dildo. 4. Unlike a piece of plastic, though, the feel will be more similar to that of a man. It will add a realness to the fantasy, work with your imagination, and make the release that much stronger. TOY TIP: Use a polish sausage rather than a hot dog, smaller sausage, or bratwurst. The polish sausage is usually thicker. As it warms in water, it is going to soften as any meat would, but it's thickness gives it less chance of breaking off inside of you than a hot dog. You can always cover the sausage with a condom to insure this doesn't happen.

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POPSICLES The frozen food aisles at the grocery store are full of popsicles. There a different sizes, various shapes, and exotic flavors. You can take your pick of all the different varieties. On a hot summer day, they are a cool relief from the heat. But these frozen delights can also be a delightful way to turn up your body temperature as well. Using a popsicle to masturbate is probably one of the most sensual. It can be pleasurable to many parts of your body, as well as your genital area. Treat the popsicle as if it were your lover. Lick and suck its length. Savor the taste and texture, the way it drips on your chin. Entice yourself like a lover would do for you. Foreplay doesn't have to just apply to partners. It can be just as sensual when you're alone. Build up your excitement slowly. Glide the popsicle over your body. Run it across your nipples. Then guide it over your tummy and towards your vagina. There's no hurry. Enjoy every sizzle the cold creates on your skin. You can run your fingers through the trail it creates and taste the sweetness of your actions. Try these tips: * Stimulate your clitoris if you need to. * Use your chilled fingers or brush the popsicle against the tip. * When you're ready, penetration into your vagina should be slow and gradual. Do it quickly and the iciness will be a shock to your body instead of erotic. * Take your time and the sensations will be spine tingling. Just the feel of your hot juices mixing with the melting popsicle will be an erotic treat. TOY TIP: Make sure you use only the popsicles that on a stick. The flavored, frozen ice that comes in those plastic sleeves will cut you.

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CANDLES AND ICE Using hot candle wax along with ice cubes can be a mind-blowing experience when you're masturbating. This method, however, takes more preparation than the others mentioned. Start out by selecting candles from around the house. Votive candles are the best because the wax pools around the wick. Place them in the room where you will be. Then fill a bowl full of four to six ice cubes to place beside the candles. Using candle wax and ice isn't simply a way to masturbate. It is a way to heat up your sexual mood and to make your body beg you for an orgasm as well. Recommended ways to use candles and ice: * Tease your nipples, then move lower. The more turned-on you get yourself beforehand, the more intense the experience will be at the end. * Start by dripping just a small drop or two of candle wax on your breasts. Make sure the wax isn't too hot or it will burn. * Trail the wax down your to your tummy. Rub your clit as you do this, or after droplets of wax fall on your skin. * Now, hold an ice cube above your skin and let it drip on your heated flesh. Don't wait too long to do this. The idea is that the warmth of the wax and the coldness of the ice will add to your excitement. * Insert an ice cube into your vagina. * Let it melt as your rub your clit. The cold water mixed with your hot juices will send you into a long awaited orgasm. TOY TIP: Remember to experiment with just little droplets of wax at first. Hold the candle high above your body so the wax cools before it hits. Then, lower it until you find the temperature that's the best for you.

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SECTION 2: Kitchen Gadgets and Appliances * Wooden Spoons * Turkey Basters * Baby Bottle Brushes * Countertops * Knife Handles

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WOODEN SPOONS Somewhere in your kitchen drawers, there are sure to be at least a few wooden spoons. Perhaps you've shoved them away because you prefer the non-stick spoons that are easier to wash. If you have, now's the time to pull them out and stick them where they will always be easy to reach. There are all sizes of wooden spoons. Some are more expensive and therefore a more solid wood. However, the cheaper, smaller ones work fine as well. If you don't have one and wish to buy one, it doesn't matter what kind you select. Of course, if you like to be spanked by a lover or fantasize about it, you may be wiser to pick a sturdier, bigger spoon for this. Nobody said you had to limit it to one spoon either. This is your adventure. Do it as you like. Now that you have the spoon in hand, there are a few ways you can use it as a sex toy. The first and maybe most obvious use is as a dildo. Either end can be inserted also as long as you make sure the wood is smooth. Wooden spoons can also be used for clitoral stimulation. The handles are usually slim enough to rub between your nether lips. Because of that factor, they are one of the few household objects that can easily be used for that and penetration. Try alternating between the two, if you would like. Another use that you can get out of a wooden spoon will apply to you if you have a fetish for receiving spankings. With a longer handled spoon, you can maneuver yourself so that the hard wood can swat your butt. If a little sting mixed with pleasure is your turn-on, then be sure to try giving yourself a slap a few times. TOY TIP: Make sure the spoon doesn't have any rough edges or is splintered at all. And, since wood absorbs juices like that from raw meat (which contains bacteria), you may want to buy wooden spoons just for your own private use.

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TURKEY BASTERS It's a really good thing Thanksgiving comes only once a year. That leaves the turkey baster free for the other 364 days in the calendar. If you don't have one, any type of baster or syringe will do (without the needle of course). To start, fill the baster with warm water. You don't want it hot, but make the water warm enough that when you touch the shaft, you can feel the heat. Ideally, make it a degree or two higher than your lover would feel against your skin. When that's finished, you will insert the baster into your vagina, using it as a cock or a dildo. Slide it in and out, if you want, but make sure not to release the water. Yet. Now, rub your clit with your fingers. Try putting pressing one finger on your clit and two on either side, pressing inward like a pair of tweezers. The sensations are amazing. Having the baster full of water is not a necessity to use this object as a sex toy. But, if you like to fantasize while you masturbate, it will allow you to "feel" you lover's orgasm along with yours. When you orgasm, release the water inside you. The heat of the liquid and the way it spurts into you will make it feel like a lover is sharing your release. Another way to use a turkey baster is to place it on your clit, open side down. Squeeze the baster and release, allowing it to suck on you. It won't take long until you climax. TOY TIP: You can try using the open end of the baster on your breasts. If your nipples are sensitive, it may be an extra "treat".

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BABY BOTTLE BRUSHES Baby bottlebrushes are good for more than just washing bottles or glasses. The bristles can be exciting to use. And, the handle is also a good substitute for a thin dildo. To use the bristles, soak the brush in warm water. This will soften the bristles and make them less abrasive. They can be used like a feather by gently trailing them between your nether lips and teasing yourself into excitement. It could also be pleasurable to press the brushes against your clit, then, while keeping the pressure applied, rubbing yourself with them. The bristles will barely move, giving the sensation that hundreds of small fingers are touching you. Penetration can be achieved two ways with the bottlebrush: * The handle can be inserted into your vagina. * They are usually thin and long enough for a g-spot orgasm. * The bristle side can also be used. * Once again, soften the bristles and either place a condom or a thin, warm, and wet washcloth around it. Secure the washcloth to the handle with either your hand or a rubber band. You will feel the bristles rubbing inside you. REMEMBER: Many objects have many uses, and the baby bottlebrush isn't any different. Alternate the ends of the brush in your vagina. Include clitoral stimulation using the brush also. You can also treat it as a feather and glide it against your body and over your breasts before masturbation. TOY TIP: Another kind of brush you can try is brushes for hair. (Excellent for spankings.) Those will be mentioned later in this book.

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COUNTERTOPS You're cooking dinner. If you leave the room now, everything will burn and be ruined, but you just watched a romantic movie and you can't help being turned on. No matter what you try to do to busy yourself, the aching down below won't go away or ease up in the slightest. * Clear off a spot on the kitchen counter. * Rub yourself up against a smoothed corner. * Press your clit into it. * Rest on your hands on the countertop and swing yourself back and forth. TOY TIP: A bathroom counter can help you orgasm too. Rub your vagina on a corner of the counter. The cold porcelain against your hot body should create even more desire. That's what makes the bathroom counter more exciting than the kitchen.

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KNIFE HANDLES This is an object that everyone has in his or her kitchen: a butter knife. As a utensil, it's not good for much more than buttering bread. But, as an object used to masturbate, it's one of the best things in the kitchen. It's obvious by looking at the handle that it can be used as a dildo or even as a way to spank yourself. To have an intense orgasm try this: * Insert the handle of the knife into your vagina. * Push it inside as deeply as you want. * Press the handle against the walls of your vagina on the pubic hair side. * Rub or pinch your clit. (Whichever way makes you orgasm the best.) * When you get close to climax, wriggle the handle of the knife against your vagina walls. * Try to find your g-spot. If you succeed, it will feel like you have a large dildo or cock inside you as you orgasm. TOY TIP: Other types of utensils you can try are: 1. Forks 2. Spoons 3. Steak knives (with a cloth covering the sharp blade) 4. Small Spatulas 5. Larger knives (again, with the sharp edge covered)

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SECTION 3: Bathroom Accessories * Electric Toothbrushes * Water Sprays * Massagers * Empty Bottles * Bathtubs * Electric Shavers

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ELECTRIC TOOTHBRUSHES Electric toothbrushes seem to be the fad these days. When dentists come up with something new and better, we all flock to it. The only problem is you're still left buying another one every so often in the name of good hygiene. However, it seems a waste to just throw it away. After all, they're more expensive than the traditional brush and it would be nice to get more use out of it. How about another use? Rather than pulling out a vibrator for clitoral stimulation, use your old electric toothbrush. Nobody who goes through your medicine cabinet will ever guess it's new purpose. The size of it, also, makes it easy to stash in a purse or suitcase for travel. 1. Place the toothbrush – turned on – against your vulva. 2. Relax and let the vibrations stimulate you. 3. Slide the brush between your lips. 4. Rub it up and down the side of your clit, just like you would a vibrator. 5. Touch it to the tip, rotate it in circular motions, or whichever way makes you orgasm the easiest. Unlike a vibrator, the hum from the toothbrush is gentle. It won't make you numb or sore after a while. The uses for your old electric toothbrush are endless. The pleasures it can give are too. Just like any other method of masturbation, though, take your time and discover what works best for you. TOY TIP: Soften the bristles in warm water first before you touch them to your sensitive skin.

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WATER SPRAYS The nightly bath can consist of more than sweet smelling bubbles and soft music. A soak in the hot tub while you're all alone can be the sexiest experience you've ever had. Anything that puts out a constant stream of water is an excellent object for a woman. Shower massagers that are detachable and hooked to the head by a hose are wonderful. While you're laying in the bath, turn it on. Spread your legs. You can even hang one leg over the side of the bathtub to make it easier. Set the spray to pulsate and aim it between your nether lips. The rhythmic slaps on your clit will build your desire. You can either keep it pulsating or change to a different spray. Lay back and relax. It won't be long until the water sends you over the edge into an amazing orgasm. In a hot tub, snuggle up to a jet spray. Prop your arms on the side of the tub behind you. Spread you legs and let the spray pulse against your clit. You will climax quickly with the combination of light pressure and the warmth of the water. Another idea: * Before your bath, try climbing into an empty bathtub. * Turn on the water to a lukewarm temperature and spread your legs wide. * Let the stream of water hit your clit. Do this by propping yourself up on your elbows, placing your hands underneath your butt. This applies more pressure. * As you get hotter, turn the water temperature up. Keeping increasing the heat until you climax. TOY TIP: Don't allow the water to get too hot before you start to masturbate. The key to these methods is the increasing temperature of the water. If you start out with hot water, you may run out. This will numb your clitoris and prevent climax.

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MASSAGERS After a long, stressful day, you need a good massage. If nobody is around to give you one, there's no doubt that you've purchased some sort of gadget to help relax those aching muscles. Did you know that they also make great sex toys? Below are some of the various types of massagers and the usage you can get out of them. Body Massager: These are fairly large, but some models can be positioned between the legs, and pressed against the clit. Press your thighs together to add more pressure. Personal Massager: These are handheld. Most have different settings. Choose kneading or tapping as you press it against your clit. Percussion Action Massager: Just as it sounds, and can fit in your purse for emergencies. Heated Stones: Doesn't provide the vibrations, but try rubbing massage oil on your clit, then rubbing a heated stone against it. There are also: * Massaging bath pillows * Shiatsu massagers * Massaging pads There are hundreds of other types that you can choose from. Almost all massagers are used for clitoral stimulation. However, if you have sensitive breasts, you can also use them as a method of foreplay. Don't be afraid to experiment. This is for your pleasure. TOY TIP: Don't allow the water to get too hot before you start to masturbate. The key to these methods is the increasing temperature of the water. If you start out with hot water, you may run out. This will numb your clitoris and prevent climax.

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EMPTY BOTTLES Don't throw away those empty shampoo and conditioner bottles! Save one or two. Keep them where nobody could toss them in the trash. Your next long, hot soak in the tub will make you glad you did. Plastic bottles can be used in several ways. Firstly, lie back in the tub and spread your legs. Make sure there's not too much water. You want your vagina to be exposed. If it's covered in water, the effect will not be as great. Squeeze the bottle to let all of the air out of it. Press it to your clit; making sure the opening is against you. Slowly, let the air fill the bottle again. This will achieve a sucking and tugging motion on your clitoris. Repeat this step as often as necessary until you climax. Take it slow or a little faster. Half of the enjoyment is the sensations it will bring. You can also use the bottom of the bottle as a dildo. Slide it inside your vagina. Stroke your inner walls while your fingers stimulate your clit. If you're in the shower or have a wand, try this: * Insert the bottle into your vagina. Contract your muscles to hold it in place if you are standing up. * Turn on the shower or wand massager. * Aim the stream at your clit. * Once again, let the spray bring you to orgasm. * Either stroke yourself with the bottle, or contract and relax the muscles in your vagina to increase the intensity of your climax. TOY TIP: Try different shaped bottles and different sizes each time you use this method. You can even broaden your adventures to the kitchen and try dishwashing soap bottles. You don't have to use the same kind of bottle every time.

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BATHTUBS Not only can you bring objects into the bathtub with you for fun or use the ones already there, you can also use the tub itself. Before your bath or immediately after, try the techniques below. After removing your clothes, sit on the edge of the tub. Put one foot inside and one foot on the floor. It helps if you get the edge wet before you sit down. Start rocking back and forth. If you have a porcelain tub, the cold against your skin will heat your desire up quickly. The wetness of the edge of the tub combined with your juices will create suction. Start off by rocking slowly. Give your body time to build up tension. The more you put off your climax, the stronger it will be. With the motion and the pressure on your clit, it won't take long to climax at all so savor the build-up. Water Temperature Guide: Start off your bath in cool water. Your body will yearn to warm up. It also leaves plenty of hot water. That gives you plenty of time to play. Turn the temperature up a bit. The water that first runs over your clit should be room temperature. The idea is that the water falling onto it will stimulate you. As your excitement builds, so should the temperature of the water. TOY TIP: The bathtub faucet can also be an exciting object too. While your bathwater is running, lie down and spread your legs as far as you can. Scoot forward and lift your hips until your vagina comes in contact with the faucet. Pump up and down as the water hits your clit.

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ELECTRIC SHAVERS Electric shavers are common bathroom gadgets. The man of the house might prefer them to a straight razor. And, women know that electric shavers are a heck of a lot easier and quicker to use to shave our legs. Those two facts alone are enough to make you keep on in the house, right? Their advantages only get better, though. They can also take the place of a vibrator. Here's how to enjoy your electric shaver as a sex toy: * Remove any and all sharp edges from the vibrator. This includes taking off the top part where the razors are. * Begin pleasuring yourself with another object or your fingers. Placing the vibrating shaver against your clit, without prior stimulation, may hurt or cause soreness later. * If you are not naturally lubricated, use a jelly or cream to moisten yourself. Once again, without it, you may be sore later on. * Turn the shaver on and rub it beside your clit. * Place it gently on your clit until you orgasm. * Do not press too hard. A vibrating object, rubbing against sensitive skin, can cause a carpet burn-like sensation. Why would you use a shaver rather than a vibrator, when the latter can be used for penetration as well? The electric shaver can easily be packed in a purse or suitcase. With airport security as it is nowadays, you can bet your bags will be checked. Nobody is going to snicker at the sight of a shaver. Your secret is safe. Also, depending on the size and quality of the shaver, yours might have various speeds. Even though this was designed for thickness of hair, it gives you an added benefit. Your whole body will vibrate, from your clit on up, on a high-speed setting. Vibrators just can't compare. TOY TIP: If you don't take the razors off, make sure to cover them with a washcloth.

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SECTION 4: Around the House * Living Room Furniture * Table Legs * Washcloths * Vacuums and Other Carpet Cleaners * Pillows * Towels * The Washing Machine * Brushes

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LIVING ROOM FURNITURE Look around your living room or den. Maybe there's a couch and sofa you love. Or, perhaps there's a rocker or a recliner that is so comfortable to sit in. The furniture you're seeing has another use besides lounging or decoration, however. In the heat of desire, they can also be helpful in pleasuring you. Take a seat on the arm of one of those chairs. Straddle it in a way that it touches your genitals. Depending on the width and hardness of the piece you're sitting on, you may either want to rub yourself against it or hump against the edge. Both ways can be tried to find the one that is most stimulating. When you try this method: To pleasure yourself, wear something thin, like a simple pair of satin panties. If you opt to wear nothing at all, two things could happen. A stain on the furniture could cause you embarrassment in the future. Or, in the second when you get carried away in the sensations, you might make yourself sore from the pressure. A thin pair of panties will slide against the furniture and your skin, prevent stains, and, let's face it, the cool, soft fabric might add to your excitement. Rub your vagina on the furniture, making sure to press down to stimulate the clitoris. Start off slow and build up the excitement. When you orgasm, lift your feet off of the floor for an even more intense feeling. TOY TIP: Try padded chair arms and wooden ones. All the furniture in your house can be used if you're creative.

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TABLE LEGS Have you ever looked at a table leg as something other than a part of the furniture that you forget needs to be dusted? They are something that's all around the house. Some are long, some rectangular, and some round. And, they can be used for more than a way to hold a table up. For a shorter woman, a table leg can be a really mind-blowing way to masturbate. A taller woman could try, but it may be uncomfortable. The best kinds of table legs to use are round ones. When you're sliding your vagina against something with a corner, it could cause extreme pain. How to Use It: 1. After you've found your round table leg, the first thing you do is change into something flimsy below the waist. An old pair of pajama bottoms is ideal. 2. Wrap your legs around the table's legs. 3. Secure and balance yourself by holding onto the top of the table. Slide up and down the pole. 4. Make sure your clit touches the leg each time you stroke yourself. 5. You can also squeeze the table leg between your thighs, placing more pressure on your clit. TOY TIP: It is not advised to do this without any clothes on below the waist. The wax on the furniture may irritate your sensitive parts.

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WASHCLOTHS Most of us have a pile of washcloths stuffed in the linen closet. They seem to stack up over the years. You even put the thin ones in there, don't you? Take one of those cloths out of the closet. Make it wet with warm water, then wring it out really well. Put some Vaseline on it. Then, lightly stroke it back and forth over your clit. Tease yourself for as long as you can, then press the washcloth against your vagina and rub. Your orgasm will be warm and slippery. Other uses for washcloths: * To last a bit longer before climaxing, cushion your clit with a washcloth when using a vibrating toy. This cushions the vibrations and extends your time before release. * Rub it back and forth between your nether lips. The pressure on your clit, like that of a towel, will be incredible. * Slide an ice cube over your chest. After your nipples are hard, place a hot washcloth on them. The cold/hot scenario will make you groan and in the mood for much more. TOY TIP: You can also place ice cubes beneath the washcloths.

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VACUUMS AND OTHER CARPET CLEANERS Most women hate the vacuum cleaner. It means hauling it around, cleaning, when you would much rather be doing something else. There is another way to use that vacuum, however; and, once you try it, there will be no place else you would rather be. Take the long, slim attachment with the flat opening and attach it the vacuum. Turn it on, then position the slit of the attachment on your clitoris. The sensation of sucking on your clitoris will be amazing. You can also use the hose, without the attachment, for extra fun. Slide a condom or a larger balloon over it. Smear the surface of the latex with a lubricant, then insert it inside your vagina. You will be in heaven when the cold metal of the end of the hose sizzles against the heat of your inner walls. Don't take it too fast, though. Latex can rip and the metal ends could cut or hurt you. To use other carpet cleaners: * Another thing you might want to try is a carpet shampooer, if you have one. * Place the upholstery cleaning attachment on the end of the hose. * Put warm water in the shampooer, then turn it on. * Spray the warm water against your clit. * Then suck it up using the attachment. * The spray of water, followed by your clit being sucked, will drive you over the edge. Usually, the upholstery attachment doesn't suck nearly as hard as a vacuum, but still be careful. The suction can be painful in either instance. TOY TIP: Try a computer vacuum cleaner. They're a little smaller than a hand-held vac, the suction isn't nearly as hard, but the pleasure can be just as sweet.

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PILLOWS Men aren't the only ones that can use pillows to masturbate. For women, anything rubbing against the vulva is going to be arousing. When it's the soft feel of a pillow, you'll really love it. You can pile pillows on the floor or the bed. Climb on top of them, using a headboard or another piece of furniture to hold onto as you rub against them. This is a common method to many women because it seems natural to use something from their bed to make themselves climax. If you've ever orgasmed by simply pressing your thighs together, then try adding a pillow to the mix. Place a throw pillow between your legs. As your press and squeeze, slowly rock your hips back and forth. The pillow will rub your vulva as the pressure from your legs indirectly stimulates your clit. As you climax, lift your legs and arms. It will give you the sensation that you're flying. Every woman's body is different, so remember that, even though this technique may work for you, you should experiment to find what you enjoy best. Try different sized pillows. Use ones that are overstuffed or worn thin. Experiment with different textures, and try with and without pillowcases. Various types of pillows to try: * Plush throw pillows * Pillows with frilly edges * Fluffy bed pillows * Pillows with silky pillow cases * Woven pillows TOY TIP: If you don't want to use your newer pillows, try saving the older, flat ones and put two or three of them together in a pillowcase.

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TOWELS The towels you have piled in your linen or bathroom closet are more versatile than you've ever thought. Of all the things in your home that may be used as sex toys, these have one of the higher numbers of uses. The first to masturbate with them is the most well known. Stack towels in a pile on your bed or on the floor. Make sure there are enough that you can comfortably straddle them. Ride the towels, rubbing them against your clit while rocking back and forth. The texture of the material will help add to the stimulation. Try placing a towel or two over a pillow. Then, fill a balloon with warm water. Place the balloon inside your panties, and hump the towel as mentioned above. Be careful not to place too much pressure on the balloon or it will pop. However, masturbating like this will make your orgasm intense, if you don't have more than one. One towel can also do the trick. Place it between your legs, dragging it back and forth across your clit, applying various amounts of pressure. Which way is best? (Survey of fifty women): * Stack of Towels: 15 votes Reason given: Your orgasm is under your control. You can ride as long as you want the tease, but it feels good enough that you can climax in minutes. * Balloon: 22 votes Reason given: The texture and warmth of the balloon as it slides against the vagina causes a quick, but powerful, orgasm. * Single Towel: 13 votes Reason: After a bath or shower, you can easily use your towel to get yourself off by rubbing it between your legs. TOY TIP: As with the washcloths and pillows, select the texture you want. Try different ones from beach towels to fluffy bath towels.

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THE WASHING MACHINE Laundry is a dreaded chore, isn't it? The only thing exciting that ever comes from it is the spin cycle of the washer, then the heat of the dryer. A lot of women enjoy masturbating while sitting the washing machine. Press your vulva against the machine when it hits spin cycle. The sensations can arouse your clit. After that, use your fingers or another object to please yourself. At the end of a cycle, the metal lid always becomes cold. This will add extra excitement, as you get hotter and hotter. You can also hump the corner of the washer or the dryer. This is more dangerous. If you lose your balance or control, you may fall off. Straddle the corner. Rub you clit against it, increasing the pace as your excitement builds. To keep your balance better, you can lean back and use your arms to support your body and you movements. TOY TIP: For a different spin, try this: * Purposefully, shift the clothes inside the washer. This will throw the load off balance and give you a rougher ride. Be aware that this could damage your washing machine. * Place a cucumber or other toy inside your vagina. Clench your muscles and hold it inside. With the load off balance, wait for the spin cycle. It will give the object the same feel as a vibrator.

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BRUSHES Many types of brushes found around your home can double as toys for you. What type of brush you use depends on what you're looking for: penetration or clitoral stimulation. The very large and soft brushes that are used for putting on makeup are ideal for stimulating the clitoris. Use light, flicking strokes, gliding down your body towards the vagina. Again, use light strokes at first to stimulate your clitoris. Though you'll be tempted to use your fingers to finish the job quickly, staying with the brushing strokes will eventually bring you to a very powerful climax. You may also want to try a feather. The tapping method you may use with your fingers to arouse your clitoris may also be achieved with a brush. Take the handle of a makeup brush or of a purse sized hairbrush. Gently tap it on your clitoris. Increase the pace as you near climax. Use a brush with a long thick handle for penetration. Insert it into your vagina. Press it into your walls next to the pubic hair region. Use your fingers or a make-up brush to stimulate your clitoris. If you are fortunate enough to find your G-spot, your climax will be out of this world. Find a brush with a rubber handle. A lot of these have raised parts on them. That is what you want. Slide it in and out of your vagina. The raised parts will create extra friction. You will find that this method can be exquisite. TOY TIP: Remember that even the bristles can be used. Warm the brush in warm water to soften them a little. Then, rub then gently across the tip of your clitoris.

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SECTION 5: The Happy Handy-Woman * Flashlights * Quick Fix Tools * Riding Mowers * Ropes

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FLASHLIGHTS If you're looking for a different experience, along with a new method, the household flashlight is what you're looking for. The smaller flashlights are not recommended, but a medium sized one with a longer handle is ideal. To use a flashlight for masturbation: * It's best to use the flashlight in a dark room. * The butt of the flashlight is used as a dildo for penetration. * You may want to warm it up first by wrapping your hand around it or placing damp, heated washcloth over it for a few minutes. Of course, a cool surface against your vagina can be stimulating as well; so don't be afraid to experiment. * Make sure all the lights are out in the room and turn it on. It can be exciting sometimes for some to watch themselves masturbate. However, it's a new thrill to watch the beam of light rising up and down on the wall. * If you choose to use the lit end of the flashlight for penetration since it is usually thicker, be careful to check the surface. Some of the light bulbs put out a lot of heat and may burn your more sensitive parts. You may also want to use a lubricant on the flashlight before penetration or put a condom over it. TOY TIP: Try this method when you're on a camping trip: Lie out under the sky and slide the flashlight inside you. Turn it on so the light beam hits the stars and trees each time you thrust it in. The adventure of being outside will add to your arousal. (Suggested by Penny O. in Ohio)

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QUICK FIX TOOLS The garage seems like the most unlikely place to find something that can be used for masturbation. We all think of the kitchen or the bathroom. But, the garage? Take a minute and think about how many tools are in your garage. Most of them have handles, don't they? Hammers and screwdrivers have handles that can easily be used for penetration. It's recommended that you clean them first to remove any grease or grime. You'll feel like the sexy babe on the cover of a carguy magazine when you stretch out on the tool bench or on the hood of a car, and slowly make love to yourself with either of these tools. Of course, these aren't the only handy gadgets you can find, and use, in the garage. Other items you could use include: * Wrenches * Pliers * Axe handle (without the blade attached) * Small gardening tools (hand held spade, etc) * Paint brush handles and bristles * Broom Stick TOY TIP: Remember to make sure all tools are clean before you insert them in any body cavity. To ensure safety, place a condom over the end you intend to use. Never insert anything that could cut or severely injure you.

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RIDING MOWERS How many times have you cut the grass using the riding mower? After you've finished, your feet feel like mush when they hit the ground from all the vibrating. Cutting grass can be a tedious job, and that makes the mower something you wouldn't consider enjoyable under normal circumstances. Think of those vibrations, however. Who says the only use this piece of machinery has is keeping the lawn manicured? For an orgasmic ride: * Strip down to either a pair of panties or nothing at all if you are going to stay hidden in the garage. Of course, if you want to be daring and do this outside, where thin pants. A cotton material would be best. * Climb on the riding mower and turn it on. It's best if you turn the idle up as high as it will go while in park. * Sit in the seat. Position yourself so you are pressing your crotch into the seat. * Feel the vibrations flow through you. For some women, this in itself is enough. However, if you need more, lay back and use the handle of a hammer or your fingers to stimulate yourself. * When you are turned on and in need or release, try pressing yourself against the seat once again, this time rubbing back and forth. As with any method of masturbation, experiment and find the way that you like the best. TOY TIP: Put the mower into different gears. The vibrations will change with each shift. If the vibrations aren't strong enough in one gear, sometimes up-shifting will increase them.

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ROPES The types of ropes meant in this chapter aren't silky and created exclusively for intimate moments with a mate. They're also not the kind you would find strung through the belt of a bathrobe or in stock at an adult store. These ropes are the kind you see in the garage, like the kind you use to hang laundry outside or to fasten a tarp down over something. And, yes, believe it or not, these ropes are the next idea for an around-the-house item that can be used during masturbation. The fun thing about ropes is you can use them for fantasy also. Ever dreamed of being tied up? Cut a piece of rope and knot it so it resembles the number eight. Tying the two ends together, then placing a knot in the middle of it to create two separate circles can easily achieve this. Make sure the two openings are just big enough to fit your wrists, with just enough room that you can easily slide them off. If you wanted, you could first do this same process to bind your ankles. Lay down on a bed or other surface. Now that you are tied up and the fantasy feels real, the rope can fulfill another purpose. Use it to rub up and down between your nether lips. Slide it back and forth across your clit. Take it slow. Let the pressure build. Resist the urge to take off the ropes and finish with another toy. When you orgasm, your limbs will be restrained. If bondage is your fetish, this method is one that should be given a try or two. Just remember not to rub to hard to ensure the rope does not burn you. TOY TIP: Don't forget there are different thickness and textures of rope as well!

Tina Hess


SECTION 6: Putting It into Practice * Vegetable Lover * The Fun in Doing Dishes * The Sweetest Revenge * Dirty Movie * By the Light

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VEGETABLE LOVER It was him. It was always him, the thoughts of him – his face, his well-formed, muscular body, and that deep voice - that crept into her mind at the weirdest times. Mel stood at the kitchen counter preparing salad for dinner. Not only was the timing all-wrong, fantasizing about her boss was the worst thing she could be doing. It was getting harder and harder to keep concentration at work. The tension in her body was unbearable. And when she got home, the thoughts of him consumed her. On most evenings, her boyfriend relieved the ache, but tonight he was out of town. Mel was on her own. For all the times her boyfriend insisted on buying her a vibrator, she wished now she would have let him. Mel held a cucumber in her hand and gazed out the window. She stroked her hand up and down its length while, in her mind, she undressed her boss. It couldn't wait any longer. She had to have him now. Her fingers pulled his tie loose, then pulled his shirt free of his boxers so her hands could touch that smooth, taut chest. She pressed the cucumber against her skirt so it rubbed her crotch. It was him Mel imagined; it was his hard organ that pressed against her. Oh yes, he wanted her too. A shudder passed through her body as she removed her skirt and slipped out of her panties. Now it was him sliding between her wet lips. It was his tongue and then his cock rubbing against her clit. "Damn, baby, yes," Mel moaned, moving her hips in rhythm. Warm cream spilled from her. She braced herself on the counter to keep from crumbling to the floor as he rammed his length inside. It felt like nothing she ever imagined; he filled her completely, slipping in and out of her but never leaving her empty. Mel cried out for mercy. One more minute without release and she would explode into a million pieces. One more thrust would be all it took. Her mouth opened as shockwaves rose from between her legs and spread throughout her body. She shoved the cucumber deep inside

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herself until she only held it by the tip. Rocking back and forth, she milked the release he gave her, savoring every warm stream that trickled onto her fingers. When the last ripples of her orgasm subsided, she placed the cucumber in the sink and ran cold water over it. Mel sighed. It was the first time she had control of her fantasy and it had been hotter than she could have ever hoped for.

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THE FUN IN DOING DISHES Karen cleaned up the dishes from Thanksgiving dinner. She thanked the heavens it was over and her family went home early. This holiday was hard; they probably could all tell she hadn't enjoyed a bit of it. It was the first one as a single woman. That might not have been so bad, but this year she should have been married. Everything should have been perfect, not miserable The past five turkey days, her fiancé, Kyle, and she had cooked dinner together. It was special and romantic; it symbolized they were a couple and on their way to becoming a family. She let out a deep breath. Fixing the big dinner was also one of the most sensual times they shared. It was hard to forget how he groped her every time she bent over the oven to check the bird or to get another pot from the cabinet. Even mashing potatoes was erotic because as the beaters vibrated in her hands, Kyle would stick her vibrator between her legs, touching it to her jeans until she begged for mercy. Only when it was time to stuff the turkey did she actually get release. Karen felt the heat between her legs increase as she recalled those times. Kyle slid her jeans and panties to her ankles and bent her over the counter. Her hands were in the bowl of stuffing; his cock nudged at her opening. He waited. He always waited until the exact moment she put the first spoonful in the bird before he let her possess his length. Then his thrusts were hard and quick. When he came, she felt the heat of his semen blasting inside her, filling her with loving warmth. She always had multiple reasons to be thankful with him. Remembering turned her on as much as it hurt. She filled the turkey baster with soapy water and ran her hands down it. It felt warm like Kyle's cock. "If only he were here now," she muttered. Karen rinsed the soapy water from the baster and refilled it with warm water from the tap. She needed a man. Often times, she damned Kyle for walking out on her, then cursed herself for being too moral to

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have casual sex with someone else. Her vibrator was handy, but it didn't feel anything like a real man. And that was exactly what she needed. She unfastened her jeans, sliding both them and her panties to the floor. The heat in between her legs combined with the ache made the thought of not coming in the next few minutes unbearable. It wouldn't wait for the good old vibe, much less another boyfriend to waltz into the picture. Spreading her legs, she ran the warm baster over her clit, then inserted it inside her opening. Deeper and deeper, she pushed it. It was warm like a man inside her and with each stroke it drove her closer and closer to the edge. Karen closed her eyes, imagined Kyle behind her, driving himself home. When she came, she squeezed the rubber bulb at the end. Warm liquid splashed from the baster against her womb, coming as she did and mixing her heat with its release. "Sweet lover," she cried out, imagining a man, any man, emptying himself inside her. For a few minutes, she stood there out of breath. It felt so real, so human, and as she placed the baster back in the dishwater, she made a mental note to pull it out of the drawer more often. It was good for more than just Thanksgiving dinner.

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THE SWEETEST REVENGE Jen pulled Andrew on top of her. The soft pillows on the bed cushioned her head; his hard body pressed her into the fluffy mattress as she devoured his lips with hers. She was so proud of him; he was a gifted doctor just back from a three-month missionary trip to Africa. He was a good man and she understood that didn't leave him with much free time, but being alone without him was torture. Maybe she should have let him unpack or even get a drink of water before she took him to bed, but it had been hard enough not to take what she needed on the drive home from the airport. He slid his hand between them and fumbled with the button on her jeans. Countless nights on the phone, she told him what she craved most. She begged him to come home just to touch her. Jen whispered orgasms to him over the phone as she touched herself like he always did. Not tonight, though. He was here just seconds away from loving her in the way she cherished. Jen coveted his fingers, his tongue, and the way he could make her come so quickly in just a few touches. It was amazing. Andrew knew her nearly as well as she knew herself. His hands slid inside her pants, beneath the silky fabric of her panties. Jen could feel his knuckles graze her lips as he circled his fingers in the moisture coating her underwear. He let out a groan. "I've missed you so much," she whispered. In response to her words, he slid three fingers inside her. He didn't waste a second; his thrusts were hard and knuckle-deep. She arched her hips off the bed. Her breath caught in her throat and she winced with each plunge he made. Jen needed him so badly that it hurt. "I've missed you too," he said. Andrew withdrew and slid his fingers between her nether lips. He rubbed up and down, swirling his fingers in the pool of moisture, then smearing it over the tip of her clit. Jen gasped. A small ripple of pleasure filled her body each time he touched her there, but vanished with his fingers. "Please touch me," she moaned.

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He giggled at her impatience and kissed her. Jen wriggled beneath him, trying to make him touch her again. He indulged her, but just as quickly moved his fingers away again. Her arousal soaked his hand. He was torturing her. Even though she loved it, she also needed release. "Now, Andrew," she moaned. "Oh, god, please, now." He pinched her swollen clit between two fingers, rubbed and pressed her into a frenzy. With each movement he made, her need swelled closer to the breaking point. In the background, the sound of his cell phone on the nightstand competed with her cries. He wasn't due back to his job at the hospital for another six hours. They would wait for this. Just one more minute… "Oh, yes," she screamed. Jen dug her nails into his chest. Her approaching orgasm welled up inside her like a huge bubble, ready to burst. Just one more time, one more touch and she would. "Damn it," Andrew muttered. "I've got to get that. It may be the hospital. I'm sorry, baby." He removed his fingers from her panties and rolled beside her on the bed. "Hello?" he said into the phone. Jen felt her excitement deflate inside her. The wetness between her legs felt cold as ice. She usually understood that he was a doctor and not always available when she needed him, but it had been months since they had seen each other. The hospital could wait. One more second and he would have made her the happiest woman alive. One more second was all she needed. Jen sighed and looked at him as he put the phone back down. "Let me guess. You've got to leave." She knew the drill all too well. The hospital never called unless they wanted him to come in. "That was the chief surgeon, Dr. Barry. He wants to talk to me before I start my shift." At least in wasn't urgent. "That's fine," Jen whispered, wrapping her arms around his neck. "You can leave a little early, but right now-" "No," he interrupted her, pulling away. "He's leaving for vacation tonight. His flight leaves in an hour and I need to meet him now."

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Andrew pulled her fingers to his lips and kissed each one. "I'm so sorry, baby, but tomorrow morning when I get home, I'll more than make this up to you." "It's fine. I understand." But she didn't. Tomorrow morning would be too late though. She needed him now, but the desire that had dominated her a minute before was now boiling in anger. At some point in time, he had to put her first. When would that time be? She lay on the bed and listened as he brushed his teeth in the bathroom. The hum of the electric toothbrush sounded a lot like the vibrator he bought her before he left. Jen stewed. He deserved to be paid back for walking out on her. After all the time they spent apart, their relationship should come first for one night, but it didn't. His career was his first love. She was the thing he did on the side. That was okay. She would fight it out with him tomorrow. Tonight she would get what she needed: sweet orgasm. And, to pay him back. As the front door shut behind him, she crept into the bathroom and grabbed his toothbrush, turning it on as a smile lit up her face. Her arousal still glistened on her nether lips as she spread her legs in front of the mirror. Running it down her slit, the soft vibrations echoed through, bringing her desire back to life. Jen whispered a moan and pressed the plastic head against her clit. "Oh god, yes," she cried out. The toothbrush rubbed her, picking up where Andrew left off. With each stroke, the vibrations pushed her closer to orgasm. Jen grasped the counter with her free hand. She held the brush in place against her as warm liquid seeped over her fingers. Her body shuddered, her nerve endings stood on end. A soft cry escaped her lips as her orgasm soothed her body. When she was finished, she placed Andrew's toothbrush back in the medicine cabinet. There was no need to wash it off. When he got home later that night, he would taste what he hadn't been man enough to give her. He would come to bed then, probably oblivious to her scent on his breath, and she would stifle a giggle as she pretended to be asleep. It didn't seem so urgent for them to be together anymore.

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DIRTY MOVIE He wanted make a movie of me in the bathtub. It started out as a joke, something I would never do except maybe to indulge his fantasies. I wouldn't enjoy it. That much was for sure. I had never, I emphasize never, posed nude on camera for anyone. Just the fear that someone would see it that wasn't meant to had always been enough reason for me to do it. "I want you to masturbate too," he added. His name was Chuck. We had been dating for six months. Up until that time, our sex life was pretty routine. Three times a week and he spent the night with me on two of those nights. I wasn't sure if we were in a relationship or just fucking, but it didn't matter. He was amazing. Maybe that's why his request shocked me. I didn't want to play with myself; I wanted him. We never used toys or anything but our bodies. It was all we needed because that alone was out of this world. But I wasn't going to refuse his fantasy either. I would try it. For some reason, I trusted him and wanted to please him. Heck, even if I just humored him, it would turn him on and I would get what I wanted in the end anyway. We waited until Saturday to make our film. Chuck borrowed the camera from a friend and I made sure my hair was perfect. It was weird that I was trying to look good to take a bath, but it became like an adventure. I was starting to anticipate it. As it got closer to bath time, I wanted to do it. Then, there I was lying back in the tub. Hot water rolled over my body in waves, like sheets of warm silk massaging my skin. Chuck sat on the edge, the camera pointed at my face first, then moving down my body. "Oh yes," he said, stopping between my legs, "this is going to be hot." He stood up and lifted to shower massager off its hook. "Are you ready?" I stared at the massager, then at him. The realness of what he wanted made me blush. I felt uncomfortable. If he hadn't been

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standing by the tub, I would have made a dash for the bedroom and locked the door behind me. But instead, I took the wand in my hand. Sliding down in the tub further, I rested my feet against the walls so my legs were spread wide open and my mid-section was out of the water. Chuck watched me, keeping the camera rolling as he unfastened the belt of his pants. As the first spray of water hit between my legs, I whispered a moan. The bulge expanding beneath the fabric of his trousers excited me. And the water pulsing between my legs awakened the sensitive spot nestled between my nether lips. I put the massage head closer to my sex. The water pounded against my clit, banging into it until my body swelled with desire and moans. My eyes watched Chuck, the way his left hand slid up and down the length of his cock while his right hand steadied the camera on me. But Chuck didn't matter. The water spray between my legs was sending me over the edge. I grasped the side of the tub and groaned. Closer and closer still, I brought the massager to me until it rubbed against my lips. The thousands of watery fingers pushed the final strands of control out of my reach. My eyes closed; my hips bucked out of the water, then splashed back down. I forgot about the camera and Chuck, riding the crest of my orgasm for as long as I could before I let myself go. I choked on my breath, gurgled moans that were caught deep in my throat. My arms and legs trembled. The water sloshed over my body, washing away the warm liquid between my legs. A final surge of release shook my mind, and I calmed into soft sighs as my body relaxed. "Oh my. Damn," Chuck muttered. He sat the camera down and shed his clothes. I smiled. "You can join me later. For now, grab that camera," I told him. "Ready for take two?"

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BY THE LIGHT Perkins was an old dirt road. The car tires hobbled over the gravel as dust swirled into the beams of the headlights. Giant trees lined the sides and in the dark, their shadows blended together. One tree, one branch, one leaf; a oneness I longed to feel with someone, anyone, as drove down the path. Nature was the only thing I seemed compatible with. Men and I never worked out. That was for sure. But tonight I thought that my luck was about to change. Brady Malone was different than the other guys. He truly seemed to care; six months after we started dating he was still around. The love word managed to scare lots of his species off before him; he had been no different. I wiped the tears from my face. Okay, so maybe we had agreed to keep it simple. No strings. Yet, we spent every waking moment together that we could. Wasn't it natural to start to love someone that you wanted to be around so often? Besides that, making love brings out emotions in a woman. I hadn't meant to mutter that I loved him. Hell, even if he hadn't felt the same way, the last thing a decent man would have done was roll out of bed, get dressed, and scurry from the apartment like he had just been cursed. I just needed time alone. It was well after midnight, but staying at home, looking at the crumpled bed Brady was in just an hour before, was too much. What was wrong with me? Why didn't men stay around? Oh well. It didn't matter. To the right of my car was the one place that always welcomed me. It was the spot I always came to when every thing was going wrong. It was so peaceful, so serene, that it made everything else feel right. Down in the clearing was a small pond, evident only by the silvery light of the moon. I pulled my car over, reached for the flashlight on the passenger seat, and headed towards my retreat. Nothing mattered while I was here, yet I could sort out anything. Somehow, being closer to that warm, wet water sounded like the perfect answer to make me feel better.

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It was a few minute walk through ankle high grass to the pond. The crickets chirped close to my feet, then hushed, as I grew closer. Away from the noisy traffic from the main road, the night was quiet except for their serenade. The sound of a warm summer night's breeze combed through my hair and I relaxed. I sat down on the edge of the water. My flashlight skimmed the surface, watching the ripples from the bullfrogs as they hid from my beam. I imagined Brady sitting by my side. As much as I tried to throw his memory into the pond water like I had so many other guys, he was different. I loved him, and as I closed my eyes, I could feel the warmth of his breath on my cheeks. It was time to finish what he walked away from earlier, even if it was just in my mind. One last time with him. One last time and I would drown all thoughts of him and head home. And there he was, standing in front of my mind's eye and pulling me to my feet. His lips met mine; our bodies swayed with the breeze. In a tangle of arms and lips, we unfastened jeans and shoved both pairs down into the grass. I felt my panties sliding down my legs as I guided his boxers down him. I shuddered, rocking back and forth, letting the fantasy sweep me away. We stepped out of our clothes. His arms wrapped around my lower back and pulled me against him. I teasingly brushed against his hard heat, slicking it with the warm French silk between my thighs. His every throb, the every beat of his heart as we pressed together, reverberated through me. My own ache intensified from his internal rhythm and flooded my self-control. I could taste the lust on his tongue, as the kiss possessed my mind. Oh, I wanted to lick it off, satiate him until our tongues rolled lazily together after a wild, fulfilling dance. His kisses were sensuous in my fantasy, massaging my lips into his and calling my body to scream for more. The feel of his fingers in my hair, rustling it gently with the breeze, sent chills through my being. I wanted nothing more than this moment. Yet, I craved to go so much further. Lying back in the grass,

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I shoved my jeans to my knees, and touched the ache between my legs. I imagined him. I imagined my hands touching him. I caressed the back of my hand against his rough-shaven face. My body rocked against him, side-to-side, then against him and away. In the night's background, the sounds of crickets chirping for a mate harmonized with our hunger. My hands slid underneath his t-shirt. I explored his chest, rubbed his shoulders. I was east; he was west. I was the heat he wanted to settle into. We were poles of a magnet; the only direction was toward the other. It was as I always thought it could be, even if it was only in my mind. We embraced. His chest aroused mine. My hips swayed against his. Our mouths rolled together as we lowered onto the ground. He stretched out beside me on the grass. Our fingers danced. I wanted to explore all of him; not leaving an inch of his body untouched. Starting with his lips: I traced them with my fingers. Yes, there would be plenty of foreplay. He opened his mouth and sucked them in. Slowly, he caressed them with his lips, fluttering his tongue against the tips. I sighed as my hand trailed between my nether lips. Every move awakened more lust in me. I never knew I could want this bad; never dreamed I could crave something this much as I was this moment. I parted my legs in a wordless plea. Maybe it was the thoughts of Brady or perhaps just the needs of a woman, but the fantasy brought me to this point. There wasn't any going back. I imagined my fingers were his, imagined the sparkle I had longed to see in his eyes as his fingers bathed in my wetness. In small circles, he traced around the ache. The tip of a finger rubbed into my engorged center. I gasped as my body swirled into bundles of tingles. Not breaking the slow rhythm, Brady the fantasy slid down my body. I thought of his tongue flicking where fingers now played. I arched up slightly as I felt his hot breath join his touch. It was too late to hold back. Already, I knew the sensations the flick of his tongue erupted within me. The thought stoked me. At that minute, I felt his tongue flutter against me. Soft shudders rippled through my body and

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escaped in my moans as his mouth covered me to swallow up the flow of silk spilling from my core. I inhaled the night air, my body starting to calm from the soothing release. My fingers rested in the wetness pooling between my legs. It was a start, but I needed more. I needed my fantasy man inside me. I wanted to feel every inch of him, but I was alone except for the flashlight. It would have to do. I just needed something inside me. Anything. And I wanted to imagine it was Brady. I embraced the butt of the flashlight in my free hand and rubbed it against my opening. The cool metal against my heat made me groan. Inch by inch, I eased it inside. It was teasing me as I pushed it deeper. My hips instinctively rose to swallow the length of it. The warmth around the lit top pushed against my lips; the beam hit the night ceiling, rocking back and forth between the constellations while I made love to my fantasy of Brady. "Now," I heard him beg as I withdrew the tool, "please more." I stroked the tip inside me, taking more of him with every downward caress. "Damn," I cried out. I couldn't take anymore of my own sex-game. With a quick downward thrust I buried the length inside me. "Oh yes," I gasped, beginning to wildly rock back and forth. The friction sparked fires that shot through my body. My being rotated on the flashlight's axis. I needed it, at that moment, to possess me. I needed more, harder, now. My strokes up and down increased to bouncing thrusts. It stretched me, expanded my lust. No longer was Brady the fuel turning me on; it was the night, the light bouncing off the moon, the feel of an orgasm stronger than any before welling up inside me. It was so intense, I felt like I'd go mad. All self-control was gone, as the first shudders of release began to overtake me. I cried out, throwing my head back into the night. Grinding the flashlight inside me, I used it to milk my release. My body quaked as sweet sparks lit my senses and carried them through the darkness.

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I lay there in the grass, my sweaty body lending to the moisture on the ground as I fought to catch my breath. "Wow," I whispered, still tingling from head to toe. The water splashed under the weight of a diving bullfrog. The crickets started to sing again, but I wasn't sure if they ever stopped. As I pulled my jeans back up and gathered myself, I swore I heard the pain I brought to the pond with me skip across the water, then sink to the bottom. There was no way to be sure, though. The only thing I remembered was that I always could take care of things on my own. Sometimes it was better that way. THE END

Tina Hess


APPENDICES Sex Toy Substitutions Online Resources About the Author

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SEX TOY SUBSTITUTIONS Find your favorite type of traditional sex toy and discover what items listed in this book can be used as a new (and maybe better) substitution. VIBRATORS/MASSAGERS: Water sprays Electric shavers Electric Toothbrushes DILDO (regular): Cucumbers Polish Sausages Popsicles Candles Wooden Spoons Turkey Basters Utensil Handles Empty Bottles Flashlights Quick fix tools. CURVED DILDO (for g-spot stimulation): Squash/Gourds Bananas ANAL PLUGS: Small Cucumbers

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ONLINE RESOURCES On Masturbation http://www.clitical.com/: Excellent place to discuss masturbation with other women, learn different techniques, share experiences, or learn facts and myths. http://www.letsmasturbate.com/: Site for masturbations techniques http://women/index.shtml testimonials. http://members.fortunecity.com/: Survey on female masturbation http://tms3/femsurveyresults.html: Very interesting! http://www.bettydodson.com: Information on masturbation, cybersex, phone sex, orgasms, and everything else you might want to know, but not want to ask. Stories and such http://www.mindcaviar.com: Erotic articles, reviews, fiction and poetry. http://www.cleansheets.com: Erotic stories and poetry. http://www.girlphoria.com: Sex stories, poetry, and articles Free Eye Candy: http://adult.netpond.com/pages/: Hundreds of links to pages and pages http://4women.html: Free links to pictures of men. http://www.bondage-sex.biz: Bondage Pictures. This site is free of those annoying pop-ups that come with a lot of sex sites. http://www.nakedsexwomen.com: Free pics of women. (Disclaimer: These sites are in no way associated with this book or the author. This listing is also not in any way an endorsement of these sites, their policies, or conduct. They are simply sites known to provide free pictures or services and listed in this book for the reader's enjoyment.)

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR Tina Hess is the author of two e-books, Shades of Seduction (2003, Renaissance E-books) and Litter Eight (2002, 2003 Sunnyside Up Publishing). Her stories and poetry have been featured around the net and in print, including places like Clean Sheets and Girlphoria. She is a web tech and contributing writer for Mind Caviar (http://www.mindcaviar.com) and does book reviews for other writers. E-mail her at [email protected].

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RECENT EBOOKS FROM SIZZLER EDITIONS Ace of Slaves: A Tale of Erotic Captivity–Adrian Hunter Bedtime Tales–Michelle Houston. Stories of wicked pleasures and dangerous dreams. Business Unusual–mariana. Sizzling tales of workplace encounters. Chain Reaction–Adrien Hunter. The award winning B&D author's newest collection. Come True–Adriene Hunter. Daddy's Girl–Victoria Manley. Older dom, younger sub. "Hot stuff!" the Erotica Readers and Writer's Association. Dana's Release – Laura Hammond Darkness Bound: Beyond Bondage and Discipline–Raven Kaldera Domina Tricks: How a French Mistress Enslaves Men–Gala Fur Education of a Dominatrix–K. L. Mulvany. Her goal: the complete enslavement of a man. Foreign Affairs–Eric George. Sizzling obscenity trial leads to sizzling sex. Frog: A Tale of Torture and Sexual Degradation–Claire Thompson Hard Time: A Tale of Sapphic B&D in a Women's Prison–J.T. Langdon Jenny: A Novel of Sexual Enslavement–C. A. Tessler Julie's Submission–Claire Thompson. Newest tale of erotic B&D from bestselling author of Slave Girl. Lady Davenport's Slave, Vol. I. The Collaring of Amber–J. T. Langdon. The modern classic of lesbian B&D. Lady Davenport's Slave, Vol. II: The Claiming of Amber– J. T. Langdon. To claim her, the mistress first had to punish and tame her. Mansion of Slaves: A tale of training in submission–Lady Blade Memories from the Mind of Sherezade: Erotic Fictions–Mary A. DeCarlo Mistress Margot: A Tale of Sapphic Slavery–Susanna Valent Night Sweats–Victoria Manley. Why was the prostitute being stalked by a killer? Office Slave – J. W. McKenna

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Out of Control–J. W. McKenna. Tales of dominance and submission. Out of Control 2–J. W. McKenna. More tales of dominance and submission. Power Play and Other Loverotica–Andrew Hobson. Pussy in Boots: The Autobiography of a Very Kinky Lady–Helen Hentley Sex in Silicon Valley–Kiana Tower. Non-fiction revelations: What computer geeks do and how they do it! Shades of Seduction – Tina Hess She Devils – J. T. Langdon Slave Girl–Claire Thompson Slave Girls of Lesbos–Corbie Petulengro. Sapphic b&d in ancient Greece. So Spank Me! Tales of Blistered Bottoms–Lawrence and DeBarquet Sold into Slavery: A tale of the Bangkok Brotheld – J. W. McKenna Spike Trap–Han Li Thorn. A novel of female submission. Suddenly Sexy: 20 Ultra-Hot, Ultra-Short Stories–Jamie Joy Gatto Sweet Tastes of Seduction–Victoria Manley. A new collection of mind-bending erotica! The Boy Toy–Victoria Manley. Every young man's dream: to be seduced by an experienced older woman. The Queen's Slave Woman Book I: The Punishing of Jendri– Susanna Valent. Another modern masterpiece of Sapphic B&D. The Queen's Slave Woman Book II: The Training of Jendri– Susanna Valent. The Training of a Concubine–Jim Miler. She was trained to serve. The Sintown Chronicles Vol. I., II, III– David O. Dyer, Sr. Three complete adult novels in each volume! All about the dot on the map residents called "Sintown USA!" Tracy in Chains: A Tale of Sexual Punishment and Humiliation– Claire Thompson. Trail of Seduction: A Novel of Frontier Passion–D. Musgrave Trans-Sexual: Tales Along the Gender Devide–Jean Marie Stine

Tina Hess


THE BEST OF CLASSIC EROTICA IN SIZZLER E-BOOK EDITONS (From the Victorian Age to the Roaring Twenties) Autobiography of a Flea Boudoir Crumbling Facade A Crumbling Facade Darling Depraved Angels Ecstasy On Fire Eveline Fanny Hill Innocence Kama Houri Lady F. Mastering Mary Sue Memoirs of Madeline Memoirs of a Young Rakehell Misfortunes of Mary Miss High Heels My Life and Loves Nadia Night in a Moorish Harem Nunnery Tales Pauline The Pearl Vol. I The Pearl Vol. II The Pearl Vol. III The Pearl Vol. IV The Pearl Vol. V The Pearl Vol. VI (conclusion) Perfumed Garden Pleasures and Follies Presented in Leather

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Prodigal Virgin Professional Charmer Sacred Passions School for Sin Slave Women of the Czar Suburban Souls, Volume I Suburban Souls, Volume II Suburban Souls, Volume III The Sweetest Fruit Venus in India Venus in Furs Vice Park Place Wanda Way of a Man with a Maid Whipped Into Shape White Thighs Young Adam Youthful Days

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