The Wedding Planner

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Author: Hauser G A

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This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, organizations, or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental and beyond the intent of either the author or the publisher.

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The Wedding Planner TOP SHELF An imprint of Torquere Press Publishers PO Box 2545 Round Rock, TX 78680 Copyright 2009 by GA Hauser Cover illustration by Alessia Brio Published with permission ISBN:978-1-60370-787-9, 1-60370-787-5 www.torquerepress.com All rights reserved, which includes the right to reproduce this book or portions thereof in any form whatsoever except as provided by the U.S. Copyright Law. For information address Torquere Press. Inc., PO Box 2545, Round Rock, TX 78680. First Torquere Press Printing: August 2009 Printed in the USA

Chapter One

“I recommend mutual funds; forget commodities at the moment.” Jordon Buck tapped the keys on his computer, speaking into a telephone headset.

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“The market is so volatile, Jordon. I don’t know what the hell to do.”

“Don’t buy gold or any commodities now. They've hit their peak,” Jordon replied, catching someone stepping into his office. He smiled at Adrian Tripp and signaled one minute to him. “Look, Harry, let me spend some time on this for you. I have a feeling the Big Board is in for a boost since the Feds have opened the Reserve.”

“Fine, Jordon. Just get back to me when you have an idea of what I should do.”

“No problem.” Jordon disconnected the call and smiled at the handsome, well-dressed man standing in his office. “Mr. Tripp, what can I do for you?”

Adrian sat seductively on the corner of Jordon’s desk. “You can admit you’re bi-curious and come out with me for a drink.”

Laughing softly, feeling his cheeks blush, Jordon replied, “I am not bi-curious, Adrian. I thought you and Brock Hart had a little ‘thing’ going.”

“Ever since he met Daniel Wolf, Brock’s been off the market.”

“Oh? No more playing with him?” Jordon knew Adrian and Brock exchanged blowjobs weekly. Adrian made sure Jordon was aware, as if it would tempt him to the “dark side.”

“No. He’s gone exclusive on me. And since he’s quit work to travel the world, I’m seeking out a new friend with benefits.” Adrian gave Jordon’s crotch a good look.

Jordon covered his nuts in response. “Speaking about going exclusive, Mr. Tripp, I’m engaged and about to tie the knot.”

“Noose, you mean?”

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“It’s not a noose if you love the woman.”

“I wouldn’t know.”

“Are you telling me there’re no other guys around here that want their dick sucked by a handsome millionaire?”

“Of course there are, Jordon. Plenty of men would kill for it. I just have champagne tastes.” Adrian licked his top lip seductively.

“I don’t know whether to be petrified or flattered.” Jordon smiled shyly.

“Be flattered, you gorgeous hunk. Your…What’s her name?”

“Fawn.” Jordon chuckled.

“Right. Fawn ,” Adrian rolled his eyes, “must be very proud of herself for netting a man like you.”

“Don’t you have anything better to do than seduce a straight guy?” Jordon loved it. It was fun to tease Adrian. The man was adorable and filthy rich. It had to be a compliment to even be in his sights. “A straight guy who’s in the midst of planning his wedding?”

“If I were able to get into your pants, Mr. Buck, I would consider it a triumph.”

Jordon’s phone rang. His secretary picked it up. In the following pause, Jordon waited to see if she would summon him. Her desk was right outside, and his spacious office had windows lining one wall and law books filling another.

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“Come out with me tonight for a drink.”

“I can’t tonight, Adrian. Fawn’s on her break between flights.”

“Flights?”

“She’s a flight attendant.”

His nose going up in the air, Adrian chided, “How truly beneath you, Jordon.”

“Snob.”

“The worst kind,” Adrian agreed. “Does she love you for your money or your incredible sex appeal?”

Laughing, shaking his head, Jordon nudged Adrian’s leg. “Go. You’re trouble.”

“Am I tempting you?” Adrian leaned closer.

“No. You’re not.”

“Damn. I love it when straight men play hard to get.” Adrian stood, rubbing his crotch sensually.

“Do you ever work? Or do you just walk office to office, soliciting blowjobs?”

“I work occasionally. It’s just that the BJs are much more exciting.”

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“Goodbye, Adrian.” Jordon smiled, facing his computer and tapping keys.

“A waste of good sex, Mr. Buck.”

“It’s not wasted, Adrian.” Jordon watched him leave, shaking his head in amusement.

“Your fiancée is on line one, Jordon,” his secretary alerted him.

“Thank you, Faith.” Jordon hit the lit button on his phone. “Hello, babe.”

“Jordy…”

“You sound tired. What’s up?” He pivoted the chair as he reclined in it.

“I just don’t know how much of this wedding I can get done in between shifts.”

“We’re in no rush. Do the best you can.” He checked his watch. “I’ll be out of here in a little while. What do you want to do for dinner?”

“Go out?”

“Don’t you get sick of restaurant food, Fawn?”

“No. I can’t cook.”

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“I can make something. What are you in the mood for?”

“Don’t cook. It shows how bad I am in the kitchen.”

Jordon knew Fawn couldn’t boil water without making a disaster. “I don’t mind. I like cooking.”

“No. I’ll order Chinese food.”

“Fine.” He looked out of his window at the towering concrete skyscrapers of the Manhattan skyline. It appeared to be smoldering in the August heat. He knew he should go to the gym after work, like he usually did, but when Fawn was in town it was hard to justify.

“I’ll see you soon.”

“You will.” Jordon disconnected the line and gazed off into space. He was glad he had met Fawn. He was thirty years old. It was time he got married and started a family.

***

His computer shut down, his desk straightened to his satisfaction, Jordon ran his hand through his hair and was relieved it was Friday because he was drained. Jordon closed his office door behind him and walked down the corridor.

“We meet again,” Adrian purred, stepping out of his office.

“You are persistent, I’ll give you that.”

Adrian hooked Jordon’s elbow and walked with him to the elevator. “You’re worth the effort.”

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Jordon pushed the down button and looked over at Adrian. “You’re so good looking, Adrian. What the hell are you doing going after me? You can get any gay man in New York.”

“I love a challenge.”

“I’m not a challenge, I’m impossible.”

The elevator opened. Adrian escorted Jordon inside, spinning them around and pushing the button for the ground floor. “No one is impossible. Everyone can be tempted.”

“Not everyone.”

“You’re wrong. Believe me, Jordon. If you met Mr. Right, you’d do him.”

Jordon sighed, “I should set you up with my brother, Bryan.”

“Oh?”

“He’s gay. Lives in Greenwich Village.”

“Does he look like you?” Adrian did a quick once over of Jordon’s body.

“No. Not really.”

Adrian replied, “Then I’m not interested.”

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“Your loss,” Jordon said as the elevator doors opened.

Before they parted ways, Adrian faced Jordon, stopping him from moving. “Let me tell you a secret, Mr. Buck.”

“Yes?” Jordon humored him.

“You have not had sex until you have made love to a man.”

“Is that a fact?”

“It most definitely is. Ask your brother Bryan.”

“Is this the new millennium?” Jordon chuckled. “Being straight is passé?”

“Indeed. At least taste the forbidden fruit before you tie the noose.”

“Knot.”

“Whatever.”

“Goodnight, Mr. Tripp.” Jordon waved as he walked out of the building.

“Be good, Mr. Buck! If not, be bad with me.”

Jordon raised his head to his destination, smiling to himself. Seventy-Five Wall Street was a hop, skip,

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and a wiggle, in Adrian’s case, away from his office. The condominium had been created from the old JP Morgan Chase building and still acted as a hotel, so all the amenities of hotel living were afforded to the residents. It was extravagant, but while he was in the city it suited his purposes. He owned a second home in Montclair, New Jersey, with a yard and a patio. But that was reserved for weekends and whenever he or his brother, Bryan, needed a break from hectic city life.

Jordon stood at another elevator, loosening his tie. He watched the busy traffic in the lobby as patrons went to and from the restaurant and bar.

He ascended to the top of the forty-three stories to his three-bedroom unit. Jordon used his key at the door and stepped in, taking off his shoes and dropping his keys on the side table. The living room with its high ceiling and sparse furnishings was a respite from the crowded city streets. A black leather sectional on polished wood flooring and a few abstract paintings were all he required. “Hello?”

“Hi!” Fawn scampered out of the kitchen in a pair of black leggings and one of his NYU t-shirts, which fit her like a dress, it was so big.

She pecked his lips quickly.

“You taste like fried rice.” He followed her to the kitchen, sniffing the air.

“I started. Sorry, I was starving.”

“Let me change.”

“Okay.”

He felt slightly annoyed she couldn’t wait for him, but let it go without a comment. She was twenty-six, and though she was very pretty, he sometimes thought she was impulsive, bordering on immature.

He slid his tie from his collar and met his brown eyes in the mirror on his dresser. He was frowning.

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“Taste.”

He spun around and found her holding out a piece of egg roll. He ate it. “Good.”

“How was work? Anything exciting happen?”

Jordon smiled as he thought of Adrian’s proposition. He removed his dress shirt and slacks, facing away from her. “No. Nothing.”

“Oh. Too bad.”

“It was a pretty hectic day, though.” He turned back to continue the conversation but she was gone. Jordon sat on the bed, removed his socks, and located a pair of gym shorts, slipping them on. He found Fawn in the kitchen eating dinner out of a white carton, leaning over the island’s granite countertop.

He reached into the cupboards for plates, setting them out, and then inspected the variety of food. “Are you going to just eat it that way?”

She shrugged, stuffing more fried rice into her mouth.

He used a large serving spoon to fill his plate with white rice, adding the selections she had purchased on top of it. He set the plate down, opening the fridge for a bottle of wine.

“I want one.” She took out a glass and placed it down on the counter.

“Can you get me a glass too?” he asked politely.

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Without a word she reached to the cabinet and rested his glass next to hers. He poured white wine into her stemware.

“More, please.”

Jordon paused to catch her eye. She was mesmerized by the glass as he loaded it to the rim. “Why don’t you just use a tumbler?” he said sarcastically.

“What?” She leaned down to slurp the wine.

“Never mind.” He half-filled his glass and brought it to the table with him, relaxing on a chair. Jordon looked up at her in expectation. “Are you joining me? Or eating at the counter?”

“Why?”

“I just thought it would be nice to sit together.”

“You’re so formal, Jordon.”

“Formal?” He took a taste of his wine. “Since when is sitting at a table and sharing dinner conversation formal?”

She brought her wine and white carton over and plopped down across from him.

“Are there any more egg rolls?”

“No, sorry.”

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“Did you get an order of them?” He used chopsticks to eat his meal.

“Yeah, but I ate them first. I was really hungry and they smelled so good.”

He pretended he didn’t care she hogged all the egg rolls. “What’s the plan for the weekend?”

“Jewel and Camisha asked me out for drinks tomorrow night. I’ll probably stay at mine and Camisha’s place.”

Jordon watched her as she shoveled the rest of the fried rice into her mouth by lifting the carton to her lips. “Any plans to hang out with me?”

She gave him a cheesy grin. “Yes… duh.”

“When?”

“I don’t know. Oh, we have to meet with the wedding planner sometime over the weekend, too.”

“I thought you and your mom were going to do that on your own.” Jordon chewed his food as he stared at her.

“We can. I just thought you should meet him, since you’ll be doing some of the liaising while I’m gone.”

“Him? It’s a guy?”

“Yeah, some gay guy Mom found.” Fawn made a silly face. “Those fags do the best weddings.”

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“Hey.” He glared at her.

“Oh. Sorry, I forgot your brother is gay. Duh.”

Jordon gave her a closer inspection as she sucked down her wine, getting up to pour herself more without making the offer to top his off.

Her blonde hair was tied up on her head in a ponytail, the darker roots showing through the light color. Her skin, devoid of make-up, seemed colorless and washed out.

They had been dating for over three years. But with Fawn’s work, she was gone for three weeks out of each month due to taking extra shifts and staying over between flights.

He thought he knew her very well, even cared for her enough to marry her. Didn’t he?

She finished her meal and set the carton down, taking her glass with her. She waved. “I’m going for a soak in the bath. See ya later.”

As she walked away, leaving him to eat his dinner alone, Jordon leaned back in the chair and wondered what the hell he was doing. Had he really asked her to marry him?

It had seemed so right at the time. They got along well, enjoyed each others’ company, and her parents loved him.

He pushed his plate aside and sipped his wine. Fawn had her ditzy moments, but on the whole she was a lovely woman.

He tried not to doubt his choice. He was just tired. That was all. He cleaned up the kitchen, making sure everything was washed up and back in its place.

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***

About to relax in the den to watch the news while Fawn enjoyed her soak, Jordon heard the phone ring. He picked it up and sank heavily on the sofa. “Hello?”

“It’s me. How’s the groom to be?”

“Hey, Bryan.” Jordon smiled happily. “What are you up to?”

“Busy with the new show rehearsals and thinking about you. Are you going to Montclair this weekend with Fawn?”

“No. She’s got plans with her friends here in the city Saturday night. Why? You want to go?”

“I was thinking about it.”

“It’s all yours.”

“Anything you need me to do? Mow the lawn?”

“If it needs it. Thanks.”

“No problem.”

In the pause that followed, Jordon smiled. “I have to share something with you.” He peeked at the doorway.

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“Yeah?”

“Yeah. You remember me telling you about Adrian Tripp?”

“That handsome rich guy you work with?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Well?” Bryan laughed.

“He keeps making a play for me.”

“No.”

“Ever since his little blowjob buddy left, he’s been after a replacement.”

“You lucky dog.”

Jordon replied, “I’m not doing it with him.”

“Why not? Christ, Jordon. It’s just sex.”

“I’m engaged and not gay, Bryan.”

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“You don’t know what you’re missing, big bro.”

“Now you sound like Adrian.”

“Give him my number.”

“I tried.”

“Oh, well.”

“I just thought it was funny.”

“It is. I wish I had gorgeous millionaires offering me head.”

“Sorry, Bry.” Jordon chuckled.

“If you change your mind, I want to know.”

“About going to Montclair this weekend?”

“No. About getting your cock sucked by a guy.”

Jordon stood up and made sure Fawn was still in the bathroom. He cupped the phone and asked, “Is it that different than with a woman?”

“Come on, Jordon.”

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Jordon walked back to the den and whispered, “Seriously, Bry. What’s the big deal about having a man do it that’s different than a woman?”

“It just is. It’s hotter. Rougher. And we swallow. Does that airline princess even suck your cock?”

A hot blush rushed to Jordon’s cheeks.

“Hello?” Bryan asked. “Are you still there?”

“Uh…”

“Christ, Jordon! She doesn’t even suck you off?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.” Jordon looked back at the door to the bathroom in paranoia.

“I wouldn’t marry someone who didn’t do it, Jordon.”

“We have different priorities, Bryan.”

“What do you see in her?”

“How can I explain that to my gay brother?”

“I’m gay, not an idiot. I know the difference between a dumb blonde and a smart one.”

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“All right, cut it out. She’s not dumb.”

“Sure, Jordon.”

“I’m hanging up if you start on her.”

“Whatever. If you two end up divorced, don’t blame me.”

“Goodbye, Bryan.”

“Bye.”

Jordon hung up the phone and propped it in its cradle. He moved to the bathroom, listening first before rapping his knuckle on the door.

“Yes?”

“You doing okay?”

“Yes.”

“Can I come in?”

“Sure.”

He opened the door and was hit with a steam cloud from the hot water. She was talking on her mobile phone, the empty wine glass perched on the edge of the tub.

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“I know, Jewel! He said that? What a jerk.”

Jordon sat on the closed toilet seat, waiting. He noticed a box of tampons on the counter and assumed sex would be off tonight.

“We’ll talk more about it on Saturday. Gotta go.” She ended the call, set the phone on the floor, and smiled at Jordon.

“You, ah… you have your period?”

“Yes. Why?”

“Just thought it would be nice to have sex.”

“Aw, poor baby.” She puckered her lips and made kissing sounds at him.

His brother’s voice fresh in his ears, he cleared his throat. “Would… uh… would you do something else?”

“Like what?” She leaned up and handed him the sponge. “Wash my back?”

He took it from her and scrubbed her back. “Would you give me a blowjob?”

Her body tensed up. He could almost imagine her expression of disgust.

“Is it that terrible, Fawn?”

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“I’m not really into it.”

“If you tried it, you might find it’s not half bad.” Jordon placed the sponge on the side of the tub and ran his hand up her back gently.

“Er, I don’t think so.”

“Why not?” He caressed her hair that was tied up in a clip behind her head.

“I just don’t like doing it.”

“I do it to you.”

“Yeah, uh, I don’t like when you do it to me either.”

Jordon stopped caressing her hair, sat back, and tapped her shoulder, making her look at him. “Am I crap at it?”

“No. I just don’t get turned on by it.”

“What does turn you on?” He touched her cheek lightly.

“Shopping!” She laughed.

“I’m serious, Fawn. Do you have any secret fantasies?”

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“No. Not really. I mean, sex is a guy thing. Women are into other things.” She smoothed the soapy sponge down her arm.

“Come on, Fawn. Women like sex. That show, what’s it called? About those New York women. What’s her name? Samantha?”

Fawn rolled her eyes and snorted in disbelief. “Come on. No woman is like that. She’s more like a guy.”

“I find that hard to believe.” Jordon watched as she ran the sponge over her breasts and felt his cock twitch.

“I swear it’s fiction. You can’t believe television, Jordon. They make all the women seem like sluts.”

Jordon got to his knees and reached for the sponge, running it over Fawn’s nipple. She giggled shyly. “Stop.”

“Why?” He moved to take it into his mouth.

“Because,” she teased, nudging him back.

“But I want to.” He made another attempt.

She drew back, covering up. “You’ll just get too excited.”

“So? Isn’t that the idea?”

“But if it’s that time of the month, Jordy,” she whined.

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“What can I do? I get turned on by you.”

“I don’t know. Can’t you fix it yourself?”

“Jerk off?” He sat on his heels and stared at her. “You want me to jerk myself off? Are you kidding me?”

“Don’t all guys do it?” She tipped the last drop of wine onto her tongue.

Jordon asked, “This is just because you have your period, right? You haven’t gone off me or something, have you? Because, Fawn, if you have…”

“No. Don’t be stupid. I haven’t gone off you or whatever. I’m tired. I just finished four days of flying, I’m having my period, and I wanted to take a bath and go to bed. It’s got nothing to do with you, Jordon.”

Jordon rose to his feet, trying not to grow unreasonably angry. It had everything to do with him at the moment.

He could feel his erection and see it tenting the front of his gym shorts. All she did in response was glance down at it quickly with very little interest.

He began sliding his shorts down his legs, hoping to entice her with his body.

“What are you doing? You’re not going to jack off in here, are you?”

When her lip actually curled in repugnance, Jordon gave himself a stroke. “Can I do it staring at you?”

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“Ew, no.”

“Ew?” He choked. “Did you just say 'ew'?”

Her tone grew hostile. “Jordon. I’m tired and I have cramps.”

“I don’t believe this. You’re my fiancée. If I can’t get off with you, who the hell can I get off with?”

“Me. You can get off with me. Just not tonight. Why is it so important to you? I mean, women are good for other things as well, you know. Not just sex.” When her mobile ring tone sounded, she didn’t hesitate. “Hello? Camisha! No. I’m fine. What’s up?”

His mouth hung open. He grabbed his shorts off the bathroom floor and left the room. After dropping onto the foot of his bed, Jordon looked down at his soft cock and rubbed his jaw stubble in frustration. “What the fuck am I getting myself into?”

***

He waited for her in bed. Lying on his back, his hands behind his head, naked, he stared at the ceiling.

Fawn entered the bedroom, the phone at her ear, whispering to one of her fellow flight attendants. She was wearing his NYU t-shirt again instead of pajamas, and her hair was still pinned up on her head.

“Okay. See ya tomorrow, Camisha. Cool. Bye.” She shut off her phone and set it on the dresser.

He rolled to his side, propping his chin in his palm, watching her.

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“Oh. You’re still up?”

“Yes.” He peeled back the blankets for her, revealing his body in the process.

“Did you, you know?” She crawled in with him.

“No.” Once they were together, he drew her close, kissing her neck.

“I’m really tired, Jordy.”

“You used to enjoy our cuddling.”

“I don’t mind cuddling, but…”

“But?”

“Well, you’re all excited.”

Jordon leaned back from her to see her eyes. “I’m a man. Shouldn’t you be flattered you get me horny? What am I not getting here?”

“Look.” She sounded annoyed. “On most nights I don’t mind lying there so you can get off, but tonight, I’m exhausted, I have my period, and crampy.”

He spun over to give her his back. “I get it.”

“Good. Goodnight, Jordon.” She shut off the light on the nightstand.

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He was grinding his jaw, he was so angry. His head began aching as he stared into the darkness, pent up and needing release. Between waiting for her to come home from her flying shift, and her timing for her menstrual cycle, he’d gone a month without. If he didn’t have sex soon, he’d explode.

Chapter Two

He woke up with a hard on and rolled over to see if Fawn would at least give him a hand job. He found the bed empty and looked around the condo for her. She was in the bathroom putting on her make-up, the tiny phone to her ear, chatting non-stop, and a carafe of coffee from room service on the marble sink counter.

Jordon scuffed back to his bedroom, muttering, “Can’t even make a pot of fucking coffee.”

Jordon headed to the spare bathroom at the other end of the penthouse, taking some clean clothing with him. He started the water in the shower and tried not to grow unreasonably angry. She wouldn’t have her period every day, and women were notorious for being slightly cranky when they were having it. He’d known her and several other women enough to know when to keep the hell away from them.

Fawn was no different. He had no idea what it was like to get cramps or bleed once a month, so he tried to be sympathetic.

He stood under the hot water, considering jerking off just because he could. Jordon stared down at his

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flaccid cock and reconsidered. He wasn’t excited at the moment, and his preoccupation with Fawn’s attitude would only make it tougher to come.

As he soaped up, running his fingers over his soft genitals, he thought about men like Bryan and Adrian. Did gay guys have it easy? Men were so sexually oriented, surely they got it constantly.

He hated the fact that his brother was sated daily by a willing male partner.

Because of Bryan’s happy stories about his sexual exploits and the absurd frequency with which he had sex, Jordon had become just slightly curious. But not enough to actually act on it, especially not now with his engagement to Fawn.

He’d dealt with sexual tension since he met Fawn because of the nature of her job. It wasn’t that big a deal to him to wait for her. Yes, he had what he considered a decent sex drive, but not to the point where he needed to satisfy himself a few times a day, or daily for that matter. He rarely masturbated.

Maybe it was the job that wore him out? That and the strenuous time in the gym left him depleted. Most nights, after a late dinner, he’d collapse on the sofa in the den and become a zombie in front of CNN or some other news channel.

He shut the taps and stood still a moment, trying to listen for any voices outside the door. He heard nothing and stepped out of the shower stall, wiping his face with a towel. He dried off and removed a disposable razor and foam from the cabinet. He kept spare items in both bathrooms for the nights Bryan hung out. Though since Jordon had become engaged, Bryan wasn’t staying overnight much any longer.

While he shaved, staring at his reflection in the mirror as the razor glided over the slick shaving cream, Jordon wished when he finished in the bathroom that Fawn would have a nice breakfast prepared for him.

He laughed softly. That day would never happen. He had seen Fawn make one attempt at it and she had even burnt the toast, setting off the smoke detector.

It was funny. He could see the humor in it. In reality, he didn’t mind; cooking was one of his favorite

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hobbies.

He rinsed the rest of the white foam off his face, and Jordon studied his reflection to make sure he hadn’t missed a spot. His wet, tussled brown hair needed a trim, and his dark eyes looked like he was brooding. Was he?

He tossed the towel into the hamper, then dressed in a pair of black slacks and a short-sleeved cotton shirt in anticipation of the lunch meeting with the wedding planner later on.

When he stepped out of the bathroom, he found Fawn still on her damn mobile phone, the carafe of coffee tipping its last drop into her mug.

“I know! Do you believe it? Non-stop without a break in between? I swear, Camisha, they’re trying to kill us.”

Jordon went through the motions of making a fresh pot of coffee as she slouched over the counter babbling.

Once the coffee was dripping, he opened the fridge for some bread, butter, and eggs.

“I’ll take mine scrambled, Jordy,” she announced, never missing a beat of her conversation.

“What am I? The new short-order chef?” he muttered, but knew it was too low for her to hear. He knew how she liked her eggs. He paid attention to details like that.

“It’s just Jordon, he’s making us breakfast.” Fawn’s gaze flicked at him quickly.

She was still wearing leggings and his t-shirt. Jordon didn’t know why, but it annoyed him.

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“Are you going to get dressed?” he admonished lightly. “I wouldn’t mind doing some errands before we meet your mom.”

Without a comment she left the room, phone to her ear, cup to her lips, saying, “I don’t know, Camisha, maybe he just woke up on the wrong side of the bed.”

As her voice faded, Jordon smiled sadly. “Fucking PMS.” He cracked the eggs into a bowl and mixed them as the butter sizzled in the pan.

When the food was getting closer to being done, Jordon poked his head into the bedroom. “I’m about to serve breakfast.”

“Okay, Jordy.” She was off the telephone finally and in a smart summery outfit of white and yellow print. She leaned on him as she pulled the strap up on her high-heeled sandals.

“You love me?” he asked.

“Yeah, even though you can be a grump.” She grinned impishly at him and wrapped her arms around his neck. She pecked his lips and sniffed, “Mmm, smells good. I’m starved.” As she headed into the kitchen she exclaimed, “Oh! Good, can you pour me another cup of coffee, Jordy?”

Jordon exhaled a deep sigh, heading into the kitchen behind her. He scooped the eggs onto the plates with the toast. “Can’t you do it, babe? While I get the food on the table?”

Without an answer, she poured herself more coffee.

Jordon placed the two plates on the table, watched her sit, sip from her cup, and begin eating.

Jordon tipped some coffee into a mug for himself, added milk, and joined her, trying not to grow angry again. She was eating it so quickly, she was almost finished by the time he had his first sip of coffee. “You are hungry.”

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“Starved. And I love your cooking. What the heck do you put in the eggs? They always taste great.”

“I could teach you how to cook, you know.”

“Nah. You either got it or you don’t, Jordon.” She met his eyes. “And I don’t!”

Her sweet smile made him chuckle. “No. I agree with that.”

She continued eating, her painted lips smiling at him while she did.

***

Fawn shrieked in glee when she noticed her mother at the entrance of the restaurant. Jordon looked around to see if anyone heard the abrasive sound. He stood up as Blithe Lea approached their table. Jordon reached for her kiss and pecked her cheek. “Hiya, Blithe, how are you?”

“I’m fine, Jordon, dear. Don’t you look smart?” She tugged at his shirt collar. “Always the beautiful movie star.”

“Ma, sit down.” Fawn yanked her mother’s arm.

Jordon smiled sweetly. He did adore Fawn’s family. “Have you done something different with your hair, Blithe?” He clasped her hand. “You look radiant.”

Blithe kissed Jordon’s hand. “I adore you. Don’t you love him, Fawn?”

Page 30


“Are we ordering now? Or waiting for Tyler?” Fawn bit at one of her painted nails and peeked at the main entrance.

“Yes, we’ll wait.” Blithe released Jordon’s hand. “This wedding planner… he came recommended by a dear friend.”

“He’s gay, Mom. All gay guys do these girly things well.”

Jordon tried not to scowl at Fawn’s stereotyping. It was beginning to get on his nerves.

“Let’s wait for him, Fawn. It wouldn’t be polite to start eating without him.” Blithe looked over her shoulder at the entrance.

“But I’m hungry,” Fawn whined.

“Dear, have you put on some weight?” Blithe asked her. “You know, if you get too heavy, you’ll have problems being an attendant. Aren’t there rules about weight, dear?”

Jordon bit his lip. The glare Fawn gave her mother was murderous.

“I’m not putting on weight. I never put on weight.” Fawn sipped her ice water. “Listen, Mother, just don’t embarrass me if the guy’s like really feminine or something. I mean, we’ve never met him. He could be one of those real limp-wristed, lispy queers.”

“Fawn,” Jordon growled.

“Sorry. I keep forgetting your brother is gay,” Fawn replied, looking over her shoulder again.

“Yes, Jordon, how is Bryan doing?” Blithe touched Jordon’s hand.

Page 31


“Well. He’s doing great.”

“Is he going to be in any plays?”

“Yes, as a matter of fact he’s got a part in--”

“Is that him?” Fawn interrupted. “There’s a guy there asking the host something.”

Jordon raised his head to the entrance. A man who appeared to be about six foot two inches tall, solidly built, with a full head of black hair and a clean-shaven, chiseled jaw, scanned the restaurant. He wore a dark business suit and held an expensive-looking leather briefcase.

Fawn waved at him. The handsome man acknowledged her and approached. “Ms. Lea?”

“Yes. You must be Tyler Holliday.”

The man shook Fawn’s hand.

When Tyler’s brilliant sky-blue eyes met his, Jordon felt like someone had opened the door to a kiln. The blast of heat on his face from this man’s good looks floored him.

“You must be Jordon Buck. Nice to meet you.”

Jordon took his hand, felt the firm, masculine shake, and shivered at his deep voice. Limp wristed? Holy Christ. Not even close.

Page 32


“This is my mom, Blithe.” Fawn gestured to her mother.

“Nice to meet you.”

“Sit, please.” Blithe pointed to the open chair.

“I’m sorry I’m late. I had trouble hailing a cab. Has that ever happened to you?”

When Tyler looked at him, Jordon felt completely tongue-tied and shook his head.

“Must just be bad luck then.” Tyler set his briefcase down. “Have you ordered?”

“No. We were waiting for you,” Fawn said.

Tyler waved to the waiter. When the man approached, he said, “We’re ready to order.”

“Yes, of course,” the waiter replied.

Jordon was instantly impressed by his confidence. “Just some lemonade,” Jordon requested when it was his turn.

“That sounds good,” Tyler said. “Lemonade for me as well.”

“Very good. I’ll be right back with your drinks and to take your order.”

After the waiter left, Jordon stared at Tyler for a moment, for no other reason than to admire his good looks.

Page 33


“Right.” Tyler addressed the women. “What date were you thinking about?”

Blithe and Fawn exchanged glances. “What did we say, Fawn?” Blithe touched her lip in a gesture of concentration. “Near Christmas?”

“Yes, Christmas. Is that okay, Jordon?”

“Hmm?” He broke his trance on Tyler. “Sorry?”

“When did you want to get married?” Fawn asked.

“It’s up to you. I’m open to suggestions.”

The waiter returned with a tray, setting down their drinks. “Were you ready to order?”

“Not just yet,” Tyler said. “Can you give us a minute?”

“Certainly.”

Jordon knocked his straw on the table, sliding it out of its paper cover. After he stuck it into his glass to suck, he stared at Tyler again. He looked like someone… who did Tyler look like? A celebrity? Sports hero? Who? Christ, Tyler looked like someone he’d seen before somewhere.

“You want my opinion?” When Tyler sipped his lemonade through his straw, his cheekbones appeared high and angular. “You’re cutting it way too close for a Christmas wedding. What about spring?”

Page 34


“Spring?” Fawn blinked.

“Spring.” Tyler nodded. “Tulips, lilacs… spring.”

“Mother? Spring?” Fawn appeared disappointed.

“Sounds lovely!” Blithe clapped.

“Jordon?” Fawn asked skeptically.

“Hmm?” He sat up, away from his straw, which he had been sucking and gnawing on as he gazed at Tyler.

“Spring?”

“Up to you.” Jordon shrugged.

“Are you in a rush?” Tyler’s expression became serious. “I mean, no reason to hurry it up… you know.”

Fawn waved at him as if he was silly. “No. I’m not pregnant.”

“Good girl.” Tyler winked.

“Oh, heavens no! Fawn is not pregnant.” Blithe shook her head in terror.

“Good. The more time we have, the more spectacular it’ll be.” He picked up a menu. “We should order. I have to be at another appointment in an hour.”

Page 35


There’s no way he’s gay.Jordon had his doubts. This man was nothing like what he'd expected. With all of Fawn’s disclaimers about Tyler being a queer wedding planner, Jordon couldn’t find the signs. Even his brother had “signs.” Little things, like Bryan giving another man an extended ogle in admiration or Adrian looking at him with leering glances.

The man was crisp, masculine, powerfully built, and big! And not a hint of anything else to give anyone the impression he was gay. Other than his profession. Did that make him gay on its own?

“What are you having, Jordon?” Blithe inquired.

“Huh?”

“For lunch?” Blithe clarified.

“Oh, uh…” Jordon studied the menu more closely. When he glanced up, he caught Tyler’s curious eyes. The light sky blue of Tyler’s irises contrasting with his jet black hair was nothing less than astonishing. Holy shit! Christ, you’re gorgeous.

“Are you ready to order?” The waiter appeared with a pad and pen.

“I’ll have the Greek salad with chicken.” Blithe handed him the menu.

“Me too.” Fawn smiled.

“I’ll take the turkey club,” Tyler requested. “Fries on the side.”

“Very good. Sir?”

Page 36


“Huh?” Jordon found all of their attention on him. “Same as Tyler. The club with fries.”

“I’ll be right back.” The waiter took all the menus and left.

Tyler gave Jordon another quick glance. Jordon lowered his gaze, instantly shy. His cheeks heated up at being caught staring at this man.

“Anyway,” Tyler began, looking at Fawn, “I’ve brought a list of reception halls and hotels that do the best job with catering. Is it a church wedding?”

“No. Civil ceremony,” Blithe whispered as if it were confidential information.

“Not a problem. Actually, it makes it slightly easier because there’s no shuffling to and from a church.”

“I’m so glad you’re helping us, Tyler,” Fawn said. “I travel a lot with my job and I’m really leaving a lot of this with Jordon.”

Jordon slowly met Tyler’s eyes again.

“What do you do, Fawn?” Tyler asked.

“I’m a flight attendant.”

“I see. Yes, you will be out of town a lot. Jordon?”

“Huh?” Jordon felt his skin go cold.

Page 37


“I hope you don’t mind being involved. I know most of the grooms couldn’t give a…” he lowered his voice and smiled, “…shit.”

Blithe laughed and blushed as Fawn giggled.

Jordon smiled at him. “Yeah. Pretty much.”

“I’ll try and make it as painless as possible, Mr. Buck.”

“I’d appreciate that.” Jordon felt his cheeks go red again. Christ, what is this man doing to me? I must be so pent up sexually that anything is turning me on. This is absurd.

The meal appeared. Jordon tried to busy himself with eating it but kept being distracted by the way Tyler devoured his food. He ate like a man. Big bites, no dainty pinky finger poking up, and took his fries two at a time.

Jordon had to keep scolding himself on his own preconceptions. Bryan didn’t eat with a dainty pinky finger. What the hell’s the matter with me?

Once the table was cleared, Tyler set his briefcase on the tablecloth and opened up the zipper. He removed several lists and business cards. “Here. These are some of my recommendations for the reception. I assume you have a computer.”

“Yes,” Fawn said.

“Look them up. They have their menus on line. Here’s my card.” He handed one to each of the women. When he came to Jordon, he paused with it in his hand. “And you, Mr. Buck...”

“Yes?” Jordon chuckled nervously.

Page 38


“Think of it as the red bat phone. When you’re dying and can’t take it anymore. Call me.”

Jordon reached for the card slowly. As he touched it and they were connected by the tiny piece of paper, for some reason Jordon’s cock went rock hard.Motherfucker, what’s wrong with me?J ordon met Tyler’s baby blues.

“For emergencies only,” Tyler added impishly.

Jordon was so stunned he was excited, he almost cried out from the shock. Jordon nodded his head, forcing himself to accept the card without looking like he was in pain,

“I can’t believe how wonderful you are,” Fawn said. “Tyler, I am so happy we found you.”

“I hope I can make this day the happiest for you. I’ll try my best. Honest.” Tyler closed his briefcase and zipped it. “I have to go. Look, you have some homework now. When you make a firm decision on a date and a hall, I’ll get you going on everything else. Okay?” Tyler took out his wallet and began counting out cash.

Jordon stopped him. “No. Tyler, lunch is on me.”

“Thank you. That’s very generous, Mr. Buck.”

“My pleasure, I assure you.”Christ, do I sound like an idiot? Jordon caught a mischievous sparkle in Tyler’s eyes and loved it. As their connection lasted longer, Jordon grew shy and turned away.

“Thank you, Tyler.” Blithe reached out her hand.

“You’re very welcome, Blithe. It was a pleasure meeting you.”

Page 39


He shook Fawn’s hand, reaching for Jordon’s. “‘Til we meet again?”

Jordon took that man’s hand and felt it squeeze his. A sweat broke out on his skin. “Yes,” was all Jordon managed to say in reply. As Tyler left, Jordon watched his ass and admired the width of his shoulders from behind, which was impressive. The man was a linebacker.

Wow. You are hot, Tyler Holliday, and I can’t believe I am even looking at you like you are! Goddamn you, Fawn. Jesus, fuck me will ya? I’m about to attack just about anyone, and this isn’t good.

“Well.” Fawn exhaled. “I feel so much better after meeting him. He’s amazing.”

“I think he’ll do an excellent job, Fawn. I have faith in him. What about you, Jordon?”

“Yes.” Jordon had to calm down. This was insane.

“Maybe you can introduce him to Bryan,” Fawn said. “He’s really good looking.”

“Was he?” Jordon knew he sounded like a liar.

“Yes, indeed, Jordon. He’s a very nice looking man. I bet he’s taken. I wouldn’t get involved with setting him up, Fawn.”

“No. You’re right, Mom. Are we ready? Pay the bill, will you, Jordy?”

Jordon robotically obeyed Fawn’s orders, used to her bossing him around. He took out his wallet and found his credit card.

Page 40


“We’ll wait outside and try to get a taxi. Come on, Mom.” Fawn led the way to the door.

After they left, Jordon was glad. He needed to take a moment to recover. He paused, envisioning Tyler’s features and impish smile, and lost himself.

“The check, sir?”

Jolted out of his stupor, Jordon woke up. “Yes. Sorry. Here you go.” Jordon put his credit card on the man’s tray.

“I’ll be right back.”

Jordon watched him go, removed the business card from his pocket, and read the details. Tyler M. Holliday, Designs On You.

It included a website, email, MySpace, and three phone numbers. Jesus. Sure is easy to contact you .

“Here you go, sir.”

Jordon signed the credit card slip and handed the man a twenty dollar bill.

“Thank you. Have a good day.”

“Thank you.” Jordon stood and slipped his wallet back into his pocket with the business card. His head was spinning.

Never in his life had he reacted that way to another man. And he’d seen plenty of pretty gay boys hanging around his brother.

Page 41


Once he was outside on the sidewalk he found Fawn about to get into a cab. “I’ll just head out to meet Camisha from here. See ya tomorrow!”

As she vanished in a yellow taxi, Jordon stood next to Blithe, still in a daze. Jordon tried to remember if he and Fawn had planned to spend the rest of the day together. After the shake up of his nerves over Tyler, he didn’t remember a thing at the moment.

“She continues to be too much of a party girl, Jordon. When are you going to rein her in?”

“I don’t know if I can, Blithe.” Jordon attempted to flag down another cab.

“You don’t mind that she’s out with the girls so much after being away?”

“She enjoys it.” A taxi pulled up to the curb. Jordon opened the back door for Blithe.

“Thank you, Jordon.” She kissed his cheek. “I’ll see you soon.”

“Take care, Blithe. Say hello to Jonathan and the family.”

“I will.” She sat in the back seat.

Jordon closed the door for her and waved as she left. He straightened his back and walked the few blocks home. It gave him time to think, clear his head.

The streets were packed with a mixture of scantily clad young professionals and sophisticated, upscale West Side couples strolling arm in arm as the afternoon waned and the summer evening began to loom. Jordon felt slightly lonely. What he craved was a quiet life, cuddles on the couch. He’d done the dance club scene to death in his twenties. He had no interest in it any longer.

Page 42


Ironically, it was where he’d met Fawn. At a nightclub.

What lured him originally was the wild night of sex with her at his condo. She was drunk and uninhibited. They screwed for hours. He remembered them being up all night and into the morning, giggling, playing, teasing each other. Fawn was like a flame and he felt like a moth. She was crazy, sexy, and fun.

The memory was a good one. But his smile faded as he entered his building and stood at the elevator. Jordon got in as the doors opened, facing outward as they closed. The elevator stopped at the next floor, the doors opened, and two men entered. They had been kissing or pawing at each other, because when the doors parted Jordon caught the tail end of something naughty. They gave him a seductive smile and stood quietly as the doors closed and the elevator rose. He noticed them holding hands. One of them realized he’d seen it. The man met Jordon’s eye. Another sensual smile was aimed his way. “Hey.”

Jordon felt his skin prickle. “Hey.”

“You live in the building?”

They were both eyeing him as if he were suddenly edible.

“Yes.”

“Nice.” The man’s gaze lowered to Jordon’s crotch.

“Thank you. I think.” The elevators arrived at Jordon’s floor. He stepped out, turning to look back as they ogled him from behind. One playfully threw him a kiss. “Are you getting out?”

“No, we just came for the ride,” the man smiled sensuously. The doors closed and he continued to his home. Once he was inside, he kicked off his shoes and headed directly to the computer. He sat down, got on line, and typed Tyler’s website into the search

Page 43


engine. It was very sedate. Nothing special.

He located Tyler's MySpace site on Google.

“Holy fuck.” The list of friends blew him away; nearly naked photos of men, film stars, erotic gay writers, porn movie icons. Jordon clicked the tab to see Tyler’s profile, reading the details. “Single, gay, twenty-eight, looking for an agent; networking for a modeling job in New York City.”

Included was his list of favorite books, music, movies, heroes, and everything else anyone might find interesting. Next, Jordon viewed Tyler’s collection of photos. He choked in surprise at finding Tyler in a very seductive pose; nude, his hands concealing his crotch, and the look on his face was so hot it was amazing. Every muscle in his chest stood out from under his skin, and his big, muscular thighs were spread wide. Jordon couldn’t stop staring at the photo. Tyler certainly looked like a male model.

“Fuck!”

He was hard as a rock and peeked behind him as if someone might come in. Jordon knew damn well he was alone for the night, if not for the rest of the weekend.

I am so going to hate myself if I do this.

He stripped off his clothing and sat back down on the chair, staring at that photo, unblinking. Jordon smoothed his hand over his cock. He had never done this to himself in front of the computer and it felt fucking weird.

Jordon looked around the floor, grabbed his briefs, and placed them on top of the computer desk to catch the spray.

“You gorgeous motherfucker.” Jordon slid his hand up and down his shaft, licking his lips at the size of Tyler’s chest and the ripples of his abdomen. Jordon actually felt like he could come. He paused and looked down at his erection. “What the fuck am I doing?”

Page 44


You can’t do this, Jordon. No way.

About to exit the site and go take a cold shower, Jordon took one last good look at that incredible man. “What the fuck? Am I losing it? Jacking off to a photo of Tyler Holliday?”

This has got to be the product of being sexually deprived on a constant basis.

He shut down the computer and stood staring at it. Then Jordon headed to the bathroom. He was still erect and having a hard time erasing the image from his mind. What did he expect? He frigging ogled the picture long enough.

Intent on a shower to get rid of the urgency to come, he waited as the water heated up. Jordon stared at his dick in frustration. Once he climbed in and wet down, he started washing himself, brushing against his hard on. “Fuck!”

He soaped up, spread his legs for balance, and forced himself to think about Fawn. A woman. Something with breasts.

He couldn’t come. Jordon stopped and let go of himself. The cascading shower pounded his head and back. Jordon stared at his dick, watching the water run off it.

Fine!He gripped his cock again, allowing himself the pleasure of this act once. Then never again would he think of Tyler sexually.

He fisted himself, picturing the way Tyler looked in that photo, like a goddamn Greek motherfucking god. Jordon came so hard he had to reach for the wall to steady himself.

Jordon panted to catch his breath, recovering slowly, and finished washing up. He shut off the water and stood silently as he dripped.

Page 45


“What the fuck am I doing? What the fuck am I doing! ” he shouted, furious with himself.

Then, something Adrian Tripp had said echoed like laughter in his brain Believe me, Jordon. If you met Mr. Right, you’d do him.

“No. No!” Jordon screamed, echoing in the steamy room. He stepped out of the tub and leaned both hands on the marble counter with the double sink basins. As the steam rose to the ceiling, Jordon looked into the foggy mirror, giving it a swipe with the heel of his hand. He found his eyes. The dark brown of his irises seemed to be glaring at him with hatred. “What the fuck are you doing, you idiot?”

He closed his eyes and tried to calm down, getting dressed in a pair of shorts and relaxing in the den. It’s what he did every night, even when Fawn was with him. Jordon stretched out, his legs elevated on an ottoman and a glass of strong booze in his fist. The television was on but muted. Nothing caught his interest at the moment. He was numb, so he just stared at the talking heads of the news channel.

The fact that he had jacked off to thoughts of Tyler was haunting him. That could never happen again. He was not gay. He was not Bryan, and men did not turn him on. No.

Jordon took a look at the time, knowing Fawn was most likely doing the whirling dervish on a dance floor in some dark, crowded club with her co-workers. The penthouse was so quiet. How could a man on the verge of marrying a woman feel so lonely?

The debate within him raged again. He wanted a woman like Fawn. He admired her independence, her stamina, her life force. He didn’t want some woman who would instantly turn into an old-woman-soccer-mom-overfed-cling-on. No. He’d seen a couple of his friends in that boat. What was a perfect ten in pre-married bliss changed with the emergence of diapers and pregnancy weight gain. How many of his colleagues had women clinging to them, not working any longer, spending their husband’s hard-earned income, and staying home even after the kid was in school? Too many.

Fawn was nothing like that. She was the opposite. Fawn didn’t want to start a family the minute she said "I do." Jordon was glad for that. He wasn’t certain yet if he wanted to enter into fatherhood at all. He and Fawn had discussed it. She wasn’t keen on it either.

Another plus for her.

Page 46


Jordon sipped the rest of his scotch, feeling the burn in his throat. He set the glass aside and exhaled deeply. He’d dated enough pre-Fawn to know how most women viewed a successful man. Free meal ticket to being lazy. Several of his good friends couldn’t motivate their women back into the workforce, post children.

Jordon understood it while the offspring was young. But once they entered school? What did those women do all day? Watch soaps?

It made Jordon shiver. He couldn’t deal with that type. No. Fawn was perfect for him.

He picked up the phone and began dialing her cell phone number, just to say hi, or maybe I love you, something to connect with her. He stopped mid-dial and hung it up again.

Did he want to hear her drunk and partying at the other end?

No.

Just let her live her life.

Jordon wished he had a life of his own. He’d become bland somehow. Work, the gym, and… television? Had he turned into the very thing he detested in women?

Jordon yawned, rubbing his eyes tiredly. He shut the television off and brought his empty glass to the sink. It was nearing midnight and he was exhausted. After rinsing it, he shut off the lights, leaving only a single lock latched on the door in case Fawn did eventually make her way back to him, and scuffed tiredly to the bathroom to wash up.

When he scrutinized his reflection, and how worn out he appeared, he asked himself, “When did you turn into an old man?”

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He finished his nightly routine and crawled into bed, trying not to grow unreasonably angry. He'd made these decisions, he had to deal with them.

Chapter Three

She never even bothered to call him.

The next morning he ran on the treadmill at Club 75, the fitness center in his building. Jordon dripped with sweat as he stared out at the view of Manhattan’s skyline.

Would she cheat? Should he be the suspicious type? Did she not want sex with him because she was having sex with another man?

No.

Why, when he first met her, was she all over him? Why did she hiss in his ear how much he turned her on? That she was in love with him?

Jordon used his towel to wipe the sweat drops from his eyes and forehead. He sprinted up an incline, his feet pounding the rubber mat heavily.

She didn’t want live with him yet. Fawn and Camisha shared an apartment near the airport. Fawn stayed at his place most of her nights off, but they did not cohabitate.

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Did he and Fawn have an odd relationship? Bryan thought so.

After going over all these thoughts during the night, Jordon had reinforced his conclusion. He had no complaints. Fawn wasn’t clingy; she was independent and seemed to be happy. She didn’t moan and groan about her life. She was a free spirit. That’s what drew him to her.Enough! Stop torturing yourself because she’s out one night with her friends.

As the pace became grueling, Jordon resisted the temptation to lower the speed and grade. He was laboring uphill at over nine miles an hour and in pain. He’d been at the treadmill for forty-five minutes and this last race to the finish line was murder.

He wanted to be married. His mom and dad kept needling both him and Bryan playfully about grandchildren. Of course they were out of luck with Bryan. Bryan, the actor, the theater major, opening as the lead in the revival of Hair on Broadway.

“Augh!” Jordon was in physical agony. Finally the machine blinked “cool down” on its LCD display. “Thank fuck.” The pace slowed with a whining of the metallic gears and he grabbed the side rails as he was able to walk briskly. He dripped with sweat even in the air conditioning, wiping his face and neck with the towel. He caught a man giving him a once over.

It amazed him that in most of his adult life, more men than women checked him out. It never made any sense to him. I must look fucking gay . Which was ridiculous in his opinion. He was over six feet tall and solid muscle.

As if waking up from stupidity, he realized that so was his brother, and so was Adrian, not to mention Tyler.

The belt ground to a halt. Jordon mopped up the drops of perspiration considerately from the machine. Once he stepped off, he headed to the water fountain and took a long time sucking down ice water.

When something brushed his ass, he turned to look. The man who had been admiring him was big and fit, with straight dark hair and a perfectly trimmed goatee. He said, “Nice workout. Muy bien .”

Page 49


“Thanks.” Jordon stood tall, the sweat still running down his skin. After an overt glance at his nuts, the man walked away.

Jesus. Being gay and getting laid must be so fucking easy. There are men all over the place, looking hungry.

Once he recovered enough to continue exercising, Jordon spread out his towel on a weight bench and lay back, pumping iron. Jordon’s sessions in the gym were something he cherished. And with Fawn gone constantly, it killed the time and gave him the body he wanted.

The same man paused at the foot of the bench. After a set, Jordon glanced at him from behind his bent knees. It seemed the man was gazing between them at his balls. It struck him as curious. so Jordon sat up. “Excuse me?”

“Yes?” The man gave him a leering grin.

Jordon whispered, “Are you coming on to me?”

“ Si. Only if you’re interested, of course.”

Jordon cleared his throat. “If I was. Would you suck my cock?”

“ Vamos, come with me.” He reached out his hand.

“No,” Jordon replied. “I’m not. I just wanted to know how you guys did it.”

“You guys?”

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“I’m not gay. I’m just amazed at how easy it is for gay men to get a blowjob.”

“Want me to be your first?”

Jordon watched as the man ran his hand over his own hard on. “No. But thanks for the offer. It’s very flattering.”

“I come here this time every day.” The man held out his hand. “I’m Alejandro.”

“Jordon.” Jordon took it.

“If you change your mind...” Alejandro smiled wickedly.

“I won’t, but thanks. I have to get back to my workout.” Jordon pointed to the weights behind him and lay back down.

Alejandro gave Jordon’s crotch another good stare, then he walked away.

Son of a bitch. Just like that. A blowjob. Jesus. Jordon shook his head. All the inner calming sensation from the exercise had evaporated to sexual frustration in two seconds flat. Jordon pumped the weights until he was spent and in pain,Damn! I wish I could find a way to entice Fawn into having more sex. What the fuck?

***

“Bry?” Jordon stretched out on the couch after dialing his phone number in Montclair.

“Hello, big brother. Are you calling me to check on the house you never use?”

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“At least you use it.” Jordon asked, “Uh, you’re not alone, are you?”

“Uh,” Bryan mimicked him, “no.”

“Am I interrupting something?” He heard some laughter and it sounded slightly demonic, and it wasn’t coming from his brother.

“Hang on.” A muffled scolding and more laughter followed.

“Jesus!” Jordon was convinced everyone on the planet was having sex but him. “You want me to call you back?”

“Yeah, I think that’s a good idea.”

“When are you heading back to the city?”

“Tonight.”

“Can you drop by?”

“Dinner?”

“Please?” Now I’m begging my brother for a date .

“You cooking?”

Page 52


“Sure.”

“Be there at six.”

The line disconnected. Jordon looked at the phone, picturing his brother getting laid, or trying not to picture it. Jordon dialed Fawn’s mobile phone.

“Hello, honey!”

“Hey. Whatcha up to?” It sounded loud in the background.

“Shoe shopping with the girls.”

“You never showed up last night. I thought we would spend some time together. When are you coming home? I was going to make--”

“No! Shut up, Jewel! I did not!”

“Fawn?”

“Sorry, Jordon. Jewel wants to spend over five hundred on a pair of Roger Viviers! I told her she was insane! Shut up, you are.”

“Fawn?” Jordon sensed he was suddenly intruding. “Ya there?”

“Sorry. What were you saying?”

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“I’m making dinner for Bryan tonight, I was wondering…”

“Oh! Sure, Jordy. I’ll be there. What time?”

“Six?”

“Fine. We have to look up some of those catering places.”

“We do.”

“I leave tomorrow for four days, Jordy. No! Camisha! Not purple! You have to be kidding me!”

“So, I’ll see you for dinner?”

“You will. Kiss, kiss!”

He hung up and set the phone on the table next to him. “Am I the only one without a life?” he said out loud.

***

The paella was cooking on the stove in a large wok-like pan. Jordon gave it a last stir and checked the time. The mussels and clams were beginning to open, yawning in the steaming heat.

“Knock, knock!”

Page 54


“Bryan!” Jordon smiled as Bryan let himself in with his own key. “Just in time.”

“Christ, it smells so good in here.” Bryan kicked off his shoes and stuffed the keys into the pocket of his tight blue jeans. “Damn, you’d make a good wife.”

“Shut up and pour some wine for yourself.”

“Sangria! Muy bien !”

Jordon was getting quite the Spanish lesson today. He smiled. “How’re rehearsals going? Please tell me you’re not really going to be nude for that show.” Jordon checked on the meal.

“Yup. Nude. Hey, I’ve got it, I can flaunt it.” He sipped the wine. “Can I pour you a glass?”

“Sure. I was waiting for Fawn, but go ahead.”

“Bridezilla is coming?” Bryan cringed, filling a glass.

Jordon checked his wristwatch. “She’s expected.”

Bryan handed Jordon the wine and took a look at dinner. “Christ, I can’t get over how good that looks.”

“I made too much. I always overdo the paella.”

“I’ll take the leftovers home.” Bryan snatched a shrimp off the top and juggled it as it burned his hands. “Ouch! Ooh!”

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Jordon narrowed his eyes at him. “Serves you right.”

After blowing on it, Bryan ate it out of its shell, moaning. “Damn. So good.”

“The food is done and shouldn’t get overdone.” Jordon shut off the burner and looked at his watch again.

“She’s always fashionably late, Jordon. How long are we going to delay the meal this time?”

“Fuck it. Sit down. She ate all her damn Chinese food without me yesterday.” Jordon began scooping out the rice dish.

“I want that crayfish… more mussels… mm, and that shrimp right there.”

Jordon laughed, handing him the plate. “There’re lemons on the table.”

Bryan sat down, waiting as Jordon to join him, sipping his wine. “It looks fantastic, Jordon.”

Jordon cupped his hand as he squeezed lemon on his meal. “So, who were you with up at Montclair?”

Bryan munched on the crayfish, tossing the shell into an empty bowl. “Latest hottie.”

“Cast member?”

“Yeah. He plays Fenton.”

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Jordon tugged at Bryan’s hair playfully. “Growing it?”

“They’ll give me weaves if it’s not long enough.”

“You don’t expect Mom and Dad to come to your debut… uh, and see you nekkid, do you?”

Bryan shrugged, tossing an empty mussel shell into the bowl, licking his fingers. “Nothing they haven’t seen before.”

“Not since you were a baby, Bry.” Jordon laughed.

“Where’s Bridezilla coming from that she’s taking so long?”

Jordon wiped his hands on a napkin and stood to pick up the cordless kitchen phone. He looked at the rest of the meal, hoping the shellfish wouldn’t harden, and heard her laughter before her hello. “Fawn?”

“Jordy!”

“Where are you?”

“I’m at Katwalk… shut up, I am not drunk!” she said to someone else, not him.

“Fawn, I made dinner. You were supposed to come by, Bryan--”

“Oops! I forgot. We just got carried away. I’ll grab a cab. Sorry, Jordon. I’ll be there ASAP.”

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When she disconnected the line, Jordon set the phone down and joined Bryan who was staring at him with pity. “She got tied up.”

“What the fuck do you see in her, Jordon?”

“We get along well, she’s energetic, pretty.”

“You really want her as your wife?”

Jordon continued to eat his dinner. “Yes. Why not? Look, Bryan, who the hell is out there waiting for me?”

“Ten thousand gay men?” He laughed.

That made Jordon smile. He tossed the tail shell of a shrimp into the bowl. “I’m not so sure the gay lifestyle is for me, Bry.”

“Don’t knock it ‘til you try it.”

“You guys all play around too much.”

“We play around looking for what we want, just like you crazy straight guys do.”

Jordon pulled the mussel out of its shell and popped it in his mouth, tossing the empty mollusk into the bowl. “No, you always play around.”

“Not true.”

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“Bullshit. You can get your cocks sucked at every corner. You don’t commit, you can’t have kids… come on, Bry.”

“We can commit. We can have kids, and we have sex with each other all the time. Not once a month because she’s on the rag, has a headache, or her nail polish needs to dry.”

“Man, talk about stereotyping. I get on Fawn for doing that to you.”

Bryan stood up and eyed the bowl of food. “You mind if I pick off the good stuff?”

“No. Help yourself.” Jordon took another sip of his wine. “You look decent with long hair, it suits you.”

Bryan laughed, not looking at him.

After Bryan sat down, a load of seafood on his plate, Jordon cleared his throat nervously. “Uh… Bry?”

“Hm?” Bryan slurped a clam out of its tiny shell.

“What… uh… what’s gay sex feel like?” Jordon’s cheeks went hot.

His eyes going wide, Bryan coughed on his food, covering his mouth at his shock at the question.

“Shit!” Jordon laughed. “You need the Heimlich?”

Bryan held up his hand, signaling to give him a minute and sipped his wine, catching his breath. “Why the fuck are you asking me that?”

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Jordon shrugged shyly. “I suppose any straight guy is curious.”

“No,” Bryan replied with a demonic smile on his lips, “straight guys are not curious. Bi-curious guys are.”

“Can’t I ask you a simple question?”

“Simple?” Bryan shoved another shrimp into his mouth.

“Forget it.” Jordon had had a feeling it would sound strange to ask. Now it was like he’d opened a can of worms and would never hear the end of it.

Once he finished chewing, Bryan leaned over the table to whisper, “Unbelievable.”

“Why? What makes it ‘unbelievable’?”

“Jordon, you ever stuff anything up your ass?”

“Fuck no!” Jordon laughed uncomfortably.

“You don’t know what you’re missing.”

“Up my ass? I’m missing something?” Jordon tilted his head.

“Yeah. Your prostate is back there.”

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“And?”

“It feels like you’re on fire when it’s stroked.”

That sat Jordon back in his chair.

“And if you come at the same time as it’s getting a good rubdown? Fuck, Jordon, the climaxes are so intense, it’s like your cock is exploding.” His brother’s eyes lit up as he consumed more crustaceans.

Jordon didn’t believe it. “No way.”

“Yes, way.” Bryan smiled smugly, licking his sticky fingers. “Bi-curious now?” He laughed.

“It had to hurt you, Bryan. You can’t get something as big as a penis stuffed back there and not feel pain.”

Bryan replied, “The first time, a little. But if you have a good partner, and he goes easy the first few times…”

“You get it up the butt all the time?”

“I’m usually a top.”

Jordon didn’t get it. “A top?”

“Man, are you naïve or what, big bro?”

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“I’m naïve because I don’t know gay slang?” Jordon poured more sangria for both of them.

“Tops do the fucking, bottoms get fucked.”

“Is that an exclusive arrangement? Or do you swap around.”

“Either or. Some guys like one exclusively, others play either role.” Bryan stared at him while he ate more food. “Why are you so curious all of a sudden?”

Jordon had no intention of explaining why.

His silence seemed to intrigue his brother. “Let me get this straight.” Bryan wiped his hands on a napkin. “You’re engaged, beginning to plan the wedding, and suddenly you want to know what making love to a man is like. What am I missing here?”

Jordon stood and took his empty plate to the sink. “Nothing. You’re not missing anything.” He looked at the heap of paella. “Let me put some in a container for you to take home.”

“What about Bridezilla?”

“There’s plenty for her.” Jordon found a foil tray and piled it high. He had doubts Fawn would even show up. “I have enough to feed your latest ‘hottie.’”

“He’d love it. If you were gay, he’d leave me for you just for your skills in the kitchen,” Bryan said. “Bet you’re shit in bed.”

Jordon spun around. “If I was ‘shit in bed,’ would that be a reason for Fawn to stop screwing me?”

Bryan looked mortified suddenly. He held up his hand. “Look, Jordon, I don’t want anything to do with

Page 62


this conversation. It’s bad enough I told you about gay sex. Isn’t this too much information for brothers to share?”

Jordon continued to add more food to the dish.

“Jordon.”

“What?” He placed the tray on the counter and used foil to make a lid.

“You need to ask Fawn about your love life. Not me.”

A sense of dread washed over him. Jordon leaned against the granite counter and closed his eyes to recover.

“Jordon.” Bryan stood behind him, touching his back. “You two need to discuss stuff like that. Sex is too important to marry someone you’re not compatible with in the bedroom.”

Jordon spun around to see Bryan’s brown eyes. “Sex is important.”

“Yes.”

“Not just to men, to women too.”

“Please don’t ask me about women.” Bryan held up his fingers in a cross. “Ask Mom. Not me.”

“Mom?” Jordon choked at the absurdity. He started clearing up the table, setting the plates into the dishwasher.

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“She’s pretty cool to talk to, Jordon.” Bryan scraped the shells into the garbage. “When I told her about my sexual preference, she was awesome.”

Jordon shivered at the thought of his mother having two gay sons. No way would that lovely woman be cool about that. She was counting on him for grandchildren.

“I wouldn’t hit Dad up with it, but Mom is very easy, Jordon.” Bryan slipped more dishes into the washer.

“I can’t ask Mom about women’s sex drives. I can’t.” Jordon finished his wine and rested the glasses upside down on the top shelf of the dishwasher.

“What about other women you’ve dated?” Bryan wiped up the counter with a cloth.

Jordon paused to think. “They enjoyed sex. At least they acted like they did.”

“That’s the problem with women. You can’t really tell if they come. And you hear all the time they fake orgasms. I don’t get that. Why fake it? Wouldn’t you want a real one?”

Jordon said, “I suppose men don’t fake it.”

“Uh, no.” Bryan smiled. “They grunt like dogs and spray spunk all over the place.”

“What a delightful image.” Jordon cringed.

“Oh, yes, it is.” Bryan grinned wickedly. “What are you going to do with Bridezilla’s portion?” He pointed to the small amount left on the stove.

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Jordon checked his watch. “Pack it up.” He found a plastic container and dumped the remainder into it, placing the pan in the sink. Bryan began washing it as Jordon put the rest of the food away.

When the kitchen was spotless and the dishwasher was running, Jordon asked, “You have to get going?”

“Not right away. You want to watch some TV?”

“Sure.”

They propped up their feet on the hassock in the den and Jordon flipped channels with a remote.

“Do you have a MySpace site, Bry?”

“Yeah, why?”

Jordon found a sporting event being broadcasted and left it on the channel. “Just curious.”

“You want me to set one up for you? A stockbroker site?”

“What do I need a stockbroker site for?”

“Networking?”

Jordon set the remote down. “No.”

“Why did you ask?”

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“This wedding planner we’re using. He has one.”

“Oh? What’s the guy’s name?”

“Tyler Holliday.”

“Why does that sound familiar to me?”

Jordon turned to meet his eyes. “Does it?”

“Yeah.”

“When I met him I thought he looked very familiar, but I couldn’t place him. I don’t think I recognize him. I think he just looks like someone.”

“What’s he look like?”

Jordon gestured to the study. “Go look him up.”

Bryan jumped to his feet.

Jordon shut off the television and followed him, crouching beside Bryan as he sat on the chair in front of the desk. Jordon wondered what Bryan’s opinion would be when he realized just exactly what Tyler Holliday looked like.

His fingers flying on the keyboard, Bryan signed into his own site first before he hit the search button.

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“I have his URL.” Jordon handed Bryan Tyler’s business card from out of his wallet.

“I got it.” Bryan moved the mouse to enter his site. “Augh! Holy shit! That’s your wedding planner?”

Jordon replied, “Yup.”

“He used to star in gay porn!”

Jordon fell over, flopping down on his butt on the carpet. “What did you say?”

“I said… when he was in his late teens he did gay porn movies. He was kind of a twink.”

“You’re losing me.”

“Never mind. Does he look like that now?” Bryan pointed to the nude photo.

“Yes. That has to be recent. He looks exactly like that.”

“Introduce me!”

Jordon’s cheeks grew hot and his stomach tightened. “No. I’m not going to introduce you.”

“Why not? Oh, come on, Jordon!” Bryan grabbed Jordon by the scruff of his shirt. “He’s the perfect fucking bottom! He’s big and brawny and loves it up the ass!”

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Jordon’s skin chilled. He shoved his brother’s hands off his shirt. “I am not introducing you. You have… uh, Fenton. The guy who plays Fenton to screw.”

Bryan moaned and rubbed his crotch. “I’m making him my MySpace friend.” He hit the “add to friends” button.

“What does that mean?” Jordon knelt up to read the screen.

“It means he’ll see me in his friend request box and will hopefully say yes. Then I can email him.”

“You… you can do that?”

“I just did.” Bryan scanned through Tyler’s friend list. “Look at all the porn stars… oh, man, I have to come.”

“Shut up. You’re beginning to make me cringe.”

They heard the door and Fawn shout, “Yoo hoo!”

“Shit. Close it down.” Jordon jumped to his feet.

Bryan disconnected the site and they both left the room.

“Sorry I’m late, Jordy honey.” She kissed Jordon’s cheek.

“You reek like a bar. I can smell you from here.” Bryan made a face at her. “Anyway, gotta go. See you, Jordon. Thanks for the amazing meal.”

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“Don’t forget this.” Jordon brought him his leftovers.

“Excellent. I’ll call you. Bye, Fawn.”

“Bye!” She waved.

Jordon dreaded the prospect of his brother getting to sleep with Tyler. How on earth could that make him hotly jealous? The guy was a gay porn star? Good lord.

“Sorry I missed dinner. Was it good?” She yanked off her high heels and tottered around unsteadily.

“Do you want me to warm yours up?”

“I’m not very hungry. We kind of nibbled.”

“Do I get a kiss?” He reached out.

She fell against him heavily and went for his lips.

When he tasted nicotine he backed up. “You smoked?”

“One.” She held up her finger and looked guilty.

“Tastes nasty.”

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“I’ll brush and gargle. Be back.” She reached for the walls to make her way to the bathroom.

Jordon stood in the doorway watching as she cleaned her mouth of the taste of cigarettes.

Her leggings were skin-tight and had an unidentifiable animal pattern to them; her hips were indeed getting slightly too wide to be wearing something that revealing. Her blouse was low cut and shiny. She looked like something out of the Seventies, but he knew it was the latest trend.

“There.” She sauntered over. “Kiss me again, gorgeous.”

He wrapped his arms around her waist, tasting mouthwash, thankfully. After they smooched for a minute, he whispered, “Still have your period?”

“Almost gone.”

“Wanna play?” He rocked her in his arms.

“Mm. We can’t screw but we can do something fun.”

“Can’t screw yet? I don’t mind.” He led her to the bedroom. “If it’s just a little.”

“I have a tampon in. No. Not yet.” She started opening his shirt.

He let her undress him, closing his eyes as she peeled back his clothing. An unwelcome image of Tyler Holliday posing nude popped into his head. He opened his eyes quickly.

Once he was naked, Fawn coaxed him back on the bed, taking off her own blouse and leggings, revealing her bra and thong.

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“Nice. Come here.” He reached for her.

She crawled over the bed to him, meeting his lips again. As he kissed her, she smoothed her fingers over his chest.

Jordon parted from her mouth, running kisses down her neck, dropping her bra strap down her shoulder. He brushed his lips over her breast, moaning in delight. He found her hand and lowered it to his cock. She wrapped around it.

“That’s it,” he whispered. When he reached down the front of her thong, she stopped him. He went back to her breasts, respecting her wishes. “Faster, baby,” he hissed.

Jordon rubbed his hands over her erect nipples, but was on some kind of climax plateau and not getting closer to the edge. He sucked on her breast to encourage an orgasm, closing his eyes.

Tyler appeared, legs spread, his baby blues dripping with sexuality.

Jordon opened his eyes quickly.

“Are you close?” she panted, obviously growing tired.

“Can’t you suck it a little?” he begged.

“I’m not really into it.”

He reached to help her along, tightening his hold around hers.

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“That hurts.”

“Sorry.” The mood was quickly vanishing. When he released her hand, she lowered it to the bed. As he worked himself, he tried to get her fingers between his legs.

“What are you doing?” she asked.

He wanted her to push her finger into his ass. He had to see what that was all about. Without saying it, he kept aiming her downward. She suddenly realized what he was aiming for and jerked back in horror. “What the fuck are you trying to do?”

He was humiliated. His cock going soft, Jordon struggled to explain, “There’s… there’s something inside a guy that feels good.”

“Ew. No way.” She drew back and even raised her bra strap to cover up.

Jordon sat up. “Fawn.” He cupped her face tenderly. “A husband and a wife need to be able to explore things together. I need to know I can share my feelings with you and you won’t judge me. I mean, within reason. I wouldn’t do anything to make you uncomfortable.”

“You just did.” She climbed off the bed.

“Where are you going?”

“To shower.” She made a face like she was grossed out and closed herself into the bathroom.

Jordon rubbed the stubble on his jaw. He stared down at his flaccid cock in disappointment. “Maybe when she’s off the rag this will change. At least I can get laid.”

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Jordon dropped back on the bed and touched himself gently, jealous for the first time in his life of his brother.

***

Jordon waited for her, splayed out on the bed.

After her shower Fawn emerged, wearing the same NYU t-shirt again. Jordon couldn’t understand why. The woman spent hundreds on her wardrobe. She sipped the leftover sangria as she typed the selections of caterers and hotels on Tyler’s list into his computer. “This looks nice, Jordy. Come here.”

He climbed off the bed, wearing just his briefs, and bent over to take a look.

“The menu looks fantastic. Mm, chocolate fondue.”

He smiled wryly. “You’d pick a place for the fondue?”

“No, silly!” She whacked him playfully.

He kissed her neck and shoulder. “Anywhere you like.”

“Let me circle it on the list and check the next one.”

He pushed her hair off the nape of her neck, kissing and sucking her skin gently.

“I’m getting the chills,” she giggled.

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“Mm…” He ran his lips across her shoulder, tugging the shirt back.

“Okay. How about this one?”

He never looked up at the screen.

“No. I don’t like the set-up of the reception hall. What do you think?”

He peeked up. “Up to you.”

“What about spring, Jordy? It seems so far from now. I had my heart set on Christmas.”

Jordon knelt down, pivoted the chair to face him, and kissed her naked leg. “Like I keep saying, you decide. I have no problem with it either way.”

“Yeah, but that Tyler guy was kind of pushy.”

He kissed his way up her thigh. “Just tell him Christmas.” When he drew near to her crotch she stopped him. He explained, “I was just going to kiss you lightly. That’s all.”

“When I get back, I’ll be off my period. I promise we can have sex then, Jordy.” She spun around to the screen. “Good. Christmas. I like the idea of a winter wedding. We can ride a horse-drawn carriage in the snow. I can wear a fur muff!”

“I want some muff,” Jordon purred.

“You’re naughty.”

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“I’m fucking horny.”

“I know! Geez, Jordon, you’re all over me.”

“I thought you liked it,” Jordon said, kissing her neck.

“I do. But I’m busy. And I have to get up early to get to the airport tomorrow.”

“I hate waiting for you.”

“I’m so worth it!” she replied, kissing him.

“You do love me, don’t you, Fawn?”

“Do I!” She hung her arms around his neck.

“And… and you think I’m attractive, right?”

“Yum! You’re a dreamboat.”

“And… I turn you on, right?”

She blinked as if he had asked one too many questions. “Why are you doing this now?”

“Making sure.” He kissed her. “Are you sure?”

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“I’m sure.” She gazed down at the large rock on her finger. “My friends are insanely jealous, Jordy.” She spun back to the computer. “Right. So call Tyler and tell him Christmas.”

“Okay.” He ran his fingers through her hair softly.

“Bed. I have to wake up before six tomorrow.” She shut the computer off.

When she stood, he hugged her.

“Man, you’re getting all mushy on me, Jordon,” she said.

“I’m an affectionate kind of guy.”

“Mm!” She kissed him and nudged back. “Let me brush my teeth and get to sleep.”

He released her and smiled to himself. “This is right. It is.”

When she was lying against his chest with her eyes closed, he petted her hair gently. As she drifted off to sleep and her breathing deepened, he sank into the pillows wearily. Just as he was dropping off, he began dreaming of kissing Tyler. His eyes sprung open and he looked around the darkness. He squeezed Fawn close and fell back asleep.

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Chapter Four

“Mr. Buck.”

“Mr. Tripp.” Jordon smiled as they entered the elevator together.

“Enjoy your weekend?”

“I did. How about you?” Jordon admired Adrian’s expensive attire and inhaled his spicy cologne.

Adrian touched the corner of his own mouth suggestively. “Delicious.”

Jordon laughed in amusement. “I’m glad.”

“Have you given my proposition any thought?”

“No.” Jordon smiled to soften the blow. “Sorry.”

“If I weren’t such a gentleman, I’d shove you against the elevator wall, plant one on your lips, and grab your cock.”

Jordon choked in a cough.

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“But,” Adrian whispered, “I am a gentleman.” He lowered his eyelashes shyly.

The doors opened to their floor. Jordon tried to recuperate from the aggressive suggestion.

“See you later, tiger.”

Unable to reply, Jordon just nodded and escaped to his office, shivering at the overt comment. Faith appeared with a latte for him. Jordon took a moment to shake off the daydream.

“Jordon? Mr. Buck?”

“Huh?”

“Your latte?”

“Thank you, Faith. Just set it on the desk.” He removed his suit jacket and hung it behind the door.

“Did you have a nice weekend?”

“I did. You?”

“Very nice. How are the wedding plans progressing?”

“That reminds me. I have to call our wedding planner.”

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“I’ll be at my desk if you need me.”

“Thanks.” When she shut the door behind her, he sat down, found Tyler’s business card, and stared at it.

Fawn had left very early that morning, her dark blue uniform fitting her snugly, wheeling her carry-on to the curb, waving for a cab. With a promise of some good loving when she returned, she pecked his lips and vanished in a tide of yellow taxis.

He needed to get up the nerve to make that phone call. Jordon set the card down and booted up his computer. It was still slightly too early for the stock market to open, so he had a few minutes.

It hadn’t occurred to him yesterday to look, but Jordon suddenly was curious about something. He held his breath and typed in “Tyler Holliday porn star,” hit send, and bit his lip in nervous anticipation.

The page lit up with sites. Terrified he’d end up with something criminal on his computer, he picked one that looked relatively tame and opened it. A photo of Tyler’s face and naked torso at the tender age of eighteen appeared with his videography: Suck it Deep, Play Toys, Bottom Up, Young and Listless…

“Shit. Shit.” Jordon panicked and backed out of the screen. “He was a baby. Jesus. A little boy.”

The sweat broke out on his body from his anxiety. He quickly brought up his work site with the list of stocks on it and rubbed his forehead. He stared at the card with as much angst as if he were about to go through oral surgery. He made a bold grab for the phone, put his headset on, fixed the mouthpiece in front of his lips, and dialed.

“Designs On You, Tyler Holliday, can I help you?”

His deep masculine voice sent shivers down Jordon’s spine. “Tyler.”

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“Yes.”

“It’s… it’s Jordon Buck.”

“Mr. Buck. What can I do for you?”

The list Jordon had made in his head in answer to that question was obscene. “Uh… Fawn and I have spoken together about the date.”

“Yes.”

He’s the perfect fucking bottom! He’s big and brawny and loves it up the ass!

“We… we…” Jordon looked at his screen, seeing the stock market and imagining Tyler.

“I’m still here.”

“Fawn has her heart set on Christmas.” Jordon started squeezing his cock as it throbbed.

“Okay. You do realize we have to pick a place now?”

“Yes.”

“Has she made up her mind?”

“She circled a couple of places on your list.”

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“Which ones?”

Jordon blinked. “Shit. I didn’t bring it with me.”

“If I read you the list, would you recognize them?”

“No.” Jordon pinched the head of his cock as it pulsated.

“Okay. Where is the list she made?”

“It’s back at my place. I live right on Wall Street.”

“What do you want me to do?”

Jordon peered down at his lap, suddenly realizing he was massaging his cock like a sex fiend. He placed his hand on the desk quickly. “What’s best for you?”

“I can stop by, or you can get it and meet me somewhere. Just tell me.”

He sounded busy. Jordon had to decide. He couldn’t imagine inviting Tyler to his home. Alone. With Fawn gone. “Meet me somewhere.” It sounded like a damn date.

“Wall Street?”

“There’s a restaurant in my building. Seventy-five Wall Street.”

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“A restaurant? Dinner?”

Jordon felt ill.

Tyler said, “I thought you just wanted to give me some info. Did you need me to discuss things with you?”

“No. No… it was just a suggestion.”

“I’ll just meet you in the lobby. Is six okay?”

“Yes.”

“Great. See you there.”

Jordon hung up. “Dinner? You idiot!” He pounded his head with his fist and threw the headset on the desk. He picked up the latte and gazed out of the window as he sipped it, trying not to beat himself up over being such a moron.

A minute later when the market opened up, his phones began ringing. Jordon was glad. It kept his mind occupied.

***

The paperwork growing sweaty in his clammy hand, Jordon paced the lobby, standing near the entrance, watching the hordes of pedestrians and the yellow tide of taxi cabs crawl by. It was five minutes to the hour.

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When Tyler appeared, Jordon’s pulse skyrocketed at the sight. Jordon had no idea why he reacted that way. It was as if he were meeting the love of his life.

Shit, the man is so fucking gorgeous, it’s criminal.

‘He’s the perfect fucking bottom! He’s big and brawny and loves it up the ass!’“Shut up!” he screamed silently to make his brother’s words vanish from his brain.

“Mr. Buck.”

“Mr. Holliday.” Jordon took Tyler’s extended hand. The touch was electric.

“Let’s have a seat.” Tyler gestured to a leather sectional in the lobby near the window.

Jordon tried not to miss the cushion as he sat down because his attention was solely on the incredible ex-porn star. “Here.”

“Right.” Tyler set his briefcase at his feet and took the paper.

While Tyler read the selections, Jordon salivated over Tyler's profile.

“Good. Well,” he said, “I can do my best. These places book years in advance. I suggest you have a fallback plan in case they aren’t available.”

“Fallback plan.” Jordon loved the way Tyler’s black eyelashes complemented his light irises.

“Yes. Believe me, she’s not going to be happy when she finds out she’s beginning to plan a Christmas wedding seven months too late.” Tyler smiled and dimples appeared.

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Jordon was in heat.

“You know, it’s funny.” Tyler grinned shyly.

“Sorry? Funny?” Jordon was so smitten he was lost.

“Well, I did have a little laugh at it when I first heard your names.”

“Names?” Jordon chuckled but didn’t get it.

“Fawn and Buck? Don’t you think that’s ironic?”

“Oh. Yes.” Jordon blushed. “We sound like porn stars.” Suddenly realizing his faux pas, Jordon went pale. “No. I didn’t mean…” He grabbed Tyler’s arm, mortified.

Tyler gazed down at the contact. A wry smile made its way to his face as his sky blue eyes met Jordon’s. “Doing some background checking on me?”

Jordon released his hold and interlaced his fingers nervously. “Just… ah… just…”

“Curious?”

Jordon gulped. Was that the same “curious” his brother and Adrian were talking about? Or just the run of the mill version?

“Sorry. I didn’t mean anything by it.” Jordon knew his cheeks were on fire.

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“Does it matter?”

The serious expression on Tyler’s face upset Jordon more than his humor. “God, no. Tyler, my brother is gay. Believe me. It doesn’t matter.”

“Yes, but was he a porn star at eighteen?”

The yearning to cup Tyler’s face to comfort him was overwhelming. Jordon sat on his hands. “No. But he is a star on the stage.”

“Oh?”

At Tyler’s interested expression, Jordon almost cursed himself. The last thing he needed was to play matchmaker. “Never mind. So. Forget a Christmas wedding with those hotels?”

“I’ll try. I have to make some phone calls. So, spring is out completely?”

“It might be in by default.” Jordon licked his lips, wishing he was licking Tyler’s.

“You two just want to be married soon. It’s sweet.”

About to shake his head in denial so it wouldn’t turn Tyler off, Jordon wondered if he was losing his sanity.

“Well, I can certainly understand her urgency.” Tyler folded the paperwork and unzipped his briefcase to slip it in. “A handsome, successful man like you is quite a catch.”

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“You… you think I’m handsome?” When Jordon’s voice caught up to his own brain, he couldn’t believe he’d had said that. And, judging by Tyler’s expression, neither could he.

Tyler didn’t reply, closing his leather briefcase and standing.

Jordon jumped to his feet nervously.

“I’ll let you know what I find,” Tyler replied.

I’m an imbecile. Jordon knew his comment was odd under the circumstances. “Thanks.” Jordon needed more contact with Tyler, so he extended his hand.

Tyler slowly accepted it. When they connected palms, they met gazes.

Jordon went into meltdown. Holy fuck ! He didn’t want to let go.

As the grasp became prolonged, Tyler glanced down at it and up at Jordon again, this time with suspicion. “Are you sure you’re okay with me handling your wedding?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?” Hell if I’m releasing your hand first. You do it, Mr. Holliday.

Tyler’s arm stopped moving. He made an obvious gesture to their hand holding. “What’s going on, Jordon?”

That scared him. Jordon instantly opened his fingers. “Right. So, you’ll call me.” Jordon stuffed his hands into his pants’ pockets, bumping into his erection.

“Yes. The moment I know.”

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Nodding, Jordon walked him to the door. “Good. Good.”

“Goodbye, Jordon.”

“Bye.” Jordon felt like a he had a schoolboy crush. It was embarrassing. He hadn’t been this nervous about another person since he was in junior high and infatuated with his art teacher.

He watched Tyler go until he couldn’t see him any longer, then walked to the elevator. Jordon kept his head down and one hand in his pocket in contact with a dick that was so hard it was about to run sperm down his leg.

Jordon locked his door behind him, removing his suit as he entered his bedroom. He dropped his clothing on the bed and stood in front of the computer. He booted it up and clicked on the naked photo, hit print, and stared at the DeskJet as it spewed out the color image. Once he had it in his hot hand, he lay down on the bed, grabbed his rigid dick, and drooled over that unbelievable man as he jacked off.

In less than two seconds he was coming, tensing his body at the intensity, amazed at the amount he ejaculated. Jordon caught his breath and set the picture aside. He recuperated slowly, resting on the pillows and closing his eyes. After a very long while, he finally made the effort to go clean up. He slipped on a pair of shorts and poured himself a glass of wine.

Back at the computer, he set up a site on MySpace and invited Tyler Holliday, ex-teen porn star, to be his friend.

***

“Hey, big bro.” Bryan sounded chipper over the phone line.

Jordon was completely drunk from wine and no food. He lay on the bed, staring at the photo he had printed. When the phone rang he thought it may be Tyler, so he picked it up. “Hey, Bry.”

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“Guess who accepted me as his friend on MySpace?”

Jordon burned with jealousy. “Where’s your newest hottie?”

“I’m trying for a newer one.”

Jordon snarled in anger. “Won’t your co-star be jealous?”

“He doesn’t have to know. Besides, he’s not my boyfriend.” After a pause, Bryan asked, “Did Bridezilla leave?”

“Stop calling her that.” Jordon set the photo aside but continued to stare at it.

“I found some of Tyler’s old porn videos for sale on Amazon. They were used copies, but what the hell.”

Jordon scrubbed his face in agony.

“Ya there?”

“Yeah.”

“What’s wrong, Jordon? Bad day at the office?”

Why did I tell you about Tyler? Why?

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“Jordon?” Bryan asked in concern. “What’s going on?”

“Nothing. I’m just tired.”

“It’s only eight o’clock.”

“And?” Jordon wanted to hang up.

“Did you ever call Mom to talk about women’s sex drives?”

“No. Let me go.”

“Are you mad at me?”

“No, Bryan, I just had a long day.”

“Okay. See ya.”

“Bye.” Jordon hung up and tossed the phone on the nightstand. He picked up the photo, sick to his stomach that Bryan would meet Tyler, get to know him, kiss him, and inevitably screw him. The “perfect bottom.” It was so fucking unfair.

Jordon rested his head on his hands after he set the photo beside him on the pillow.

What if he was bi-curious? So what? He wasn’t married yet. Wasn’t it wise to check it out now? Make sure before the wedding?

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Jordon burrowed under the pillows to hide, moaning in agony.

Chapter Five

Jordon was exhausted the next morning. He hadn’t slept well. Was it any wonder?

When his phone rang he thought of Tyler, then Fawn. He picked it up. “Oh, hi, Mom.”

“Hi, sweetie. How’s the world treating you?”

“Like crapola.” He sipped his coffee.

“What’s wrong?”

“I don’t have time to list it now. I have to go to work.”

“List? You made a list?”

“No. Forget it, Mom.” Jordon set his mug in the kitchen sink.

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“You want to meet for lunch?”

“I eat lunch at my desk.”

“Dinner?”

“I need to work out after work.”

“You need to eat after your workout.”

Jordon sighed. “Okay. Come over at around seven.”

“There? You don’t have to cook, Jordon. Let me take you out.”

“I can throw together pasta. Come here.”

“Okay, baby. Seven.”

“See ya later.” He hung up and checked the time, rushing out the door.

When he arrived at work, he met Adrian at the elevator and became suspicious. “Are you stalking me, Mr. Tripp?”

“Stalking? What a strong verb.”

“I never used to meet you coming in in the mornings. Suddenly here you are, two days in a row.”

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They entered the elevator alone, standing facing the door as it closed. Adrian pushed the button for their floor. “Coincidence.”

“Is it?”

“Why?” Adrian smiled wickedly. “Do you want it to be something more?”

Jordon had a vision of pushing Adrian back against the wall of the elevator and kissing him, groping his crotch. Wasn’t that Adrian’s little fantasy? At least then Jordon could see what kissing a man was like. Maybe he’d be bolder in his attempt at netting a night with Tyler Holliday.

What the hell am I talking about? A night with Tyler? Jordon, pull yourself together!

“Jordon?”

“Huh?”

“You on the planet at the moment?”

“No, I’m not. I have no idea where the hell I am.”

The elevator door opened. Jordon made his way to his office and stood at his desk, staring at it in confusion. When his door closed behind him, Jordon assumed it was Faith, but it wasn’t. Adrian was there looking very concerned. “Jordon. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean anything by it. I realize now it’s upsetting you.”

“What?” Jordon had no idea what he was talking about.

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“My teasing. I apologize. It was just a little fun.”

“I know.” Jordon was puzzled.

“You know?” Adrian gave him the same quizzical look back.

“Adrian, I’m not upset with you. I’m flattered. You’re gorgeous.”

“What?” Adrian laughed nervously.

“What made you think I was upset?” Jordon took off his suit jacket and hung it behind the door.

“Before… You looked distracted. I thought perhaps I had pushed it a bit too far.”

“No. Don’t be silly. I’m not offended in the least.”

“I’m very glad. I would be very angry with myself if I offended you. I just think you’re devilishly handsome. I suppose I’ll never stop trying.”

“How handsome?” Jordon stood in front of him, needing to know.

Adrian laughed softly. “How handsome?”

“Yeah, like on a scale of one to ten?”

“Fifteen?” Adrian grinned.

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“No. Seriously. Tell me. I can take it.”

“Is this a joke?” Adrian cracked up.

“No. Adrian. I need to know.”

His smile dropping, Adrian cupped Jordon’s jaw sensually.

At the touch of his hands, Jordon went cold. He’d never been touched sexually by a man before in his life, and he had a strong desire to pull back. A sensation that he was fighting.

“If one is ugly, and ten is fantastic, then you, Mr. Jordon Buck, are indeed a fifteen.”

Slowly, Jordon nudged Adrian’s hands away from his face. They were staring at each other with an intensity that made Jordon’s stomach tighten in fear. “Thank you, Adrian.”

“Am I to assume this has been nothing but a cock tease?”

“Sorry? Cock tease?” Jordon took an involuntary step backward.

“Your innocence makes me crazy, Jordon,” Adrian hissed.

“I never meant to tease you, Adrian. I value you as a friend. And I appreciate you tolerating me.”

“Tolerating you?” Adrian laughed like it was absurd. “I’m courting you. Grooming the groom to be. I have intentions of making you my fuck buddy.” Adrian smiled.

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Jordon returned it. “Wow. That’s hot. And very wrong of you, Mr. Tripp.”

“Go back to the hot part.” Adrian closed the gap.

Faith knocked at his door, speaking from outside it. “I have your latte, Jordon.”

“I’ll be right there, Faith. Thank you.” He looked back at Adrian. “Faith has my coffee.”

“Can I entice you to a drink after work, Mr. Buck?” He dug his hand into Jordon’s hair.

The tingles it sent across Jordon’s skin were electric. “I… I’m going to the gym and having dinner with my mother after.” Jordon gently leaned away from Adrian’s caress.

“Close to your mother? Well, you do have possibilities.”

“You’d love my brother Bryan.”

“Why do you insist on pushing him at me? God knows, he must be horrid.”

“On the contrary. He’s gorgeous. He’s playing George Berger, the lead, in Hair on Broadway.” Adrian’s eyes light up. Jordon begged silently, Yes, call him! Date him! Get him off Tyler for me, please!

“Really?”

“Look him up on MySpace. See for yourself.”

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“I will.” Adrian walked to the door. “Maybe I’ll be lucky and catch you in the elevator again tomorrow, Mr. Buck.”

“Maybe,” Jordon replied.

When the door opened, Jordon found Faith looking at them with suspicion. “Here, Jordon.”

“Thank you, Faith.” Jordon sipped the latte, watching Adrian strut down the hall.

“You know he’s a gay man?” Faith whispered.

“Yes. I know.” He smiled sweetly. When Faith fingered a gold cross around her neck, Jordon pointed to his desk. “Gotta work. Thanks again.” He held up his cup in gratitude, escaping before he got a lecture on religion. He had no idea if she was one of those . A religious zealot who was intolerant of gay men. Why hadn’t Brock Hart warned him about her? It that why Brock pawned her off on him before leaving to travel with his gay lover? “Nice one, Brock.” He frowned.

***

Jordon upped his running speed on the latest marathon program with hill climbs and sprints interspersed in the fifty-minute workout. Jordon was dying once again, begging the machine to let up. The television was completely drowned out by the whining of the gears and his heavy tread, but he stared at the talking heads because there was nothing else to look at. Until Alejandro began stretching out in front of him.

It seemed that ever since he had imagined contact with another man, men everywhere looked sensuous and appealing. Alejandro was no exception. Long, dark brown hair, a smartly trimmed goatee, deep brown eyes and caramel skin. Jordon licked the sweat off his lip as he gazed at Alejandro’s large deltoids as they stood exposed in his skimpy, cut-off t-shirt.

“ Hola.”

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“Hey.” Jordon panted, trying not to lose track of the treadmill and fly off because he was ogling pecs and abs.

As if he were putting on a little show, Alejandro gave Jordon his back view and stretched down to his feet, giving Jordon a marvelous shot of a very tight ass in tiny shorts.

“Holy Christ.” Jordon almost missed the mat and caught himself on the rail, getting his concentration back. The set race he had programmed went uphill again, gaining in speed. He was seriously in agony.

Alejandro stood next to him, looking at the LCD display that showed his hill climbs and speed. “Ay! Jordon. I’m impressed.”

“Don’t be. I’m about to die.” He groaned and forced his thighs to move up the grade as the timer seemed to slow down.

“Hang in there, chulo .”

A pat on his bottom followed. Jordon knew enough Spanish to enjoy the compliment. He stopped eyeing the timer and pretended he wasn't in pain. The machine slowed down so he looked at the display, relieved to see it in its cool-down mode. The grade dropped to level and he was able to grab the rails and catch his breath. Sweat poured from his body like rain.

“Fuck.” He gasped, checking his watch, knowing he had to shower quickly to meet his mother. He wiped his face with the towel and cleaned the console of the machine, just as the belt halted. Jordon paused to recuperate for a minute, still wiping at the drops he’d spattered.

“I can taste your sweat from here, amigo .”

Jordon gazed back at Alejandro’s handsome face. “I’m surprised I didn’t manage to coat everything around me.” He dabbed his neck and chest.

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“I would enjoy that.”

Jordon stepped off the machine so another man could use it. Jordon headed to the fountain. Alejandro leaned on the wall next to him, watching him suck down the water.

After he had gulped his fill, Jordon whispered, “Do I look gay?”

“You look delicious. Estas bueno .” Alejandro’s grin became seductive.

“Guys hit on me a lot.” Jordon still struggled to breathe normally.

“I am not surprised.”

“Is there a certain look? I mean, what is it?”

“Beauty.” Alejandro shrugged.

“Why don’t you have a steady boyfriend?”

Jordon was given another shrug and smile.

“Because gay men like to play around?” Jordon knew that was the answer. Sex was too damn accessible.

“I enjoy being with el hombre guapo .”

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“How many? A lot?”

Alejandro’s expression turned slightly accusing. “What business is it of yours?”

“None. Absolutely none. I have to wash up. Good seeing you again.”

Jordon left the gym and headed to his condo. They cheat. They can’t commit. This is why I don’t want a gay relationship. I need stability. Imagine a man like Tyler. Gay porn icon? Christ, he must have a different guy every night . “He’s yours, Bryan. Be my guest.”

Jordon exited the elevator at his floor and found his mother, Maureen, standing outside his door. “Mom. You’re early.”

“I am. Sorry.”

“No problem. I still need a shower.” He opened the door, allowing her to go first.

“Don’t rush, Jordon. Just take your time. You want me to start dinner?”

“Get the pot of water on for the pasta.”

“I will, dear.”

“Be right back.” He smiled as he rushed to his bedroom, stripping out of his shorts. He looked at the answering machine and noticed the light flashing. He peeked back at the door, biting his lip, and hit play.

“Mr. Buck. Tyler here. I have good news and I have bad news. I’d ask you which you want first, but I

Page 99


can’t. So here’s the bad news. No Christmas bookings. Zip. The good news is, one hall has an opening the weekend before. Call me and let me know. And do it soon. That most likely won’t last. Bye.”

He grinned at the sound of Tyler's voice and headed to the bathroom to shower, knowing his mother was waiting.

Jordon still couldn’t resist a quick orgasm with Tyler’s voice echoing in his head. Once he was done, he shut the taps off, rubbing a towel, then a brush, through his hair. Jordon stepped out of the bathroom and slipped on a pair of clean shorts and cotton shirt.

His mother poured him a glass of wine. In gratitude, he kissed her on the cheek and took it. “How are you and Dad doing?”

“Good, Jordon. Very good. What were you planning for the pasta?”

“I have some plum tomatoes, basil, and garlic.” He set the glass down and handed her a cutting board. While they were slicing and chopping, Jordon asked, “No wine for you?”

“I’m trying to watch my weight. Alcohol is too fattening.”

“Mom, you’re not overweight.”

“Because I’m careful.” She smiled wryly at him. “So? You told me the world was going ‘crapola.’ I know the market is horrible, Jordon, but don’t let it stress you out. There’s nothing you can do but bear it with everyone else.”

“Bear? Bull? Who knows the fucking difference anymore?”

“Jordon,” she scolded, scraping the chopped tomatoes into a pan that was sizzling with garlic.

Page 100


“It’s not about work, Mom.” He stirred the freshly made sauce with a wooden spoon. “The water’s boiling.”

She took a package of fresh pasta off the counter and tossed it in. “It’ll only take a minute.”

“It’s okay. The sauce is done. I have some reggiano in the fridge.”

“Perfect.” She removed the lump of cheese and set it on the table with the grater.

“We’re there.” He tasted the pasta, dumping it into a colander. He dished out two helpings and coated it with the sautéed tomato sauce, then sat down and sprinkled cheese over the top.

“Smells divine. So simple.” Maureen took a bite. “Wonderful, Jordon.”

“Thanks, Mom.” He allowed them to eat in silence for a moment as he gathered the thoughts in his head.

“Have you met with the wedding planner yet?”

Jordon jerked his head up, guilty as charged.

“What?” she asked. “No?”

“Yes.” He wiped his lip with his napkin. “We met him on Saturday. Blithe was with us.”

“Oh. Good. What’s he like?”

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Fucking incredible!“Nice. Competent.”

“Have you set the date?”

Jordon finished chewing and sipped his wine first. “Fawn wants Christmas, but Tyler, that’s the planner’s name, thinks we may be months too late to book a decent hall on such short notice.”

Maureen said, “It is late for Christmas, Jordon. Why does she want it then?”

“Something about snow and muffs.” He smiled at his perverted thoughts. “Speaking about muffs…” He knew damn well his mother never heard of that reference in regards to the female anatomy. “I have a very strange question for you. And let me add the disclaimer, I’m terrified to go into uncharted territory with my own mother.”

She gave him a sideways glance. “Please, Jordon. After the details your brother inflicts on me with his sexual bouts? There’s nothing that can shock me.”

“He gives you details of his love life?” Jordon paused in his eating.

“Never mind. What did you want to ask me?”

“Jesus. What the hell does he do that for?”

“Jordon.” She set her fork down.

“Right.” He squirmed in his chair. “Christ, this is so fucking weird.”

“Just blurt it out.”

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“Fine. Do women have low sex drives?”

At first she appeared slightly surprised, blinking and parting her lips. She shifted in her chair, giving it some thought before she replied softly, “Some. Yes.”

“Do… do they ever get higher? I mean, with time or pills or something?”

“Are we talking about Fawn? Are you having trouble in the bedroom with Fawn?”

Instantly his cheeks grew warm. “Sort of. Nothing drastic.”

“What then?” She continued eating.

Uncomfortable at sharing the gory details, Jordon took a few more bites of his pasta as he decided how much he wanted to divulge.

“Jordon, Fawn travels all the time. My guess is that she comes home exhausted and needs time to recuperate.”

“I’d agree with that comment if she spent the time resting. But she goes out on the town with her co-workers, clubbing all night long.”

“She still does that? Even now after you’ve announced your engagement?”

“Yes. I don’t mind, Mom. She enjoys it. I don’t want her to hide in the house and resent me. That’s not an issue. She’s a vital, independent woman who enjoys her friends. I don’t want to change her.”

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“I don’t know if that’s liberal of you or ignorant.”

“Again, that’s not what I have a problem with.”

“So, it’s your sex life.”

“Yes. Or lack of it.” Jordon finished his meal, nudging his plate away.

“Have you discussed it with her?” Maureen finished as well, placing her dish on top of Jordon’s.

“Yes. I tried to. I asked her if I still excite her. She said yes. She’s okay if I want intercourse. At least when she’s available and it’s not that time of the month.”

“Oh.” Maureen bit her lip.

“But she won’t do anything else. Nothing. Won’t experiment.”

“Well, Jordon, some women are shy about that sort of thing. As long as you two make love…”

“No.”

“No?”

“No. It’s not enough. Mom, I crave other things. I’m not asking her to get tied up or use artificial toys. I’m asking for things I thought a couple would be comfortable doing.”

“I see.” Maureen inhaled deeply.

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He stood and brought the dishes to the sink. “Never mind. It’s an awkward conversation to have with any woman, especially your own mother.”

“I don’t know what to say, Jordon. Your father and I--”

He held up his hand in terror. “No! Oh God, no… don’t go there. For pity’s sake.”

“Well, I’m just saying--”

“Mom!” Jordon cringed.

“Jordon. Let me speak.”

He winced and held his breath, knowing whatever she had to contribute was going to be too much information.

After she exhaled loudly, she said, “I do enjoy doing things with your father, Jordon. But maybe it’s not for every woman.”

There it is! My own goddamn fifty-five-year-old mother gives head! The injustice of it all!His temples throbbed.

She brought the rest of the dishes to the sink as he began washing them. “Jordon, how important is this to you?”

“I know I should say it’s trivial nonsense.”

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“Not if it isn’t.” She caressed his back lightly. “Is it a deal breaker?”

Jordon sunk emotionally at the idea of calling off the engagement. “Oh, Christ.”

“She does have sex with you?”

“Yes. She does.”

“So, it’s not like she’s cut you off?”

“She’s only cut off my balls, not my dick.”

“Jordon!”

“Sorry, Mom. This whole topic has me spinning. I feel like an idiot. She’s a nice girl. She’s pretty, independent, energetic… we have fun.”

“And?”

“And? She doesn’t give me head. What and?” He shut off the water in the sink and dried his hands on a dish towel.

“You’ve neglected something in your list.”

Jordon held up his fingers one at a time, playing along with the guessing game. “Pretty. Nice. Independent. Energetic…”

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“Do you love her, Jordon?”

The dead serious look in his mother’s eye stopped the game short. “I think so.”

“You think so?”

“I feel strongly about her. What the hell’s love feel like? Do I love her like I love you and Dad? No.”

“It’s not the same. Come here.” She held his hand and brought him to the sofa in the open-plan living space. After relaxing, facing each other on the supple leather, Maureen held Jordon’s hand on her lap. “When I met your father, I knew I had found real love.”

“How? How did you know?”

An expression of pleasure washed over her as she appeared to suddenly go into some kind of fantasy world. “He was all I could think about, night and day. Just the sight of him walking into a room lit me up.”

Jordon held up his hand. “I’ve had enough of the sex talk about you and Dad. Please.”

“It wasn’t just sex, Jordon. It was a feeling of him being my everything. It was trust, companionship, mutual respect… and yes, attraction. Burning hot attraction.”

“Mother,” he moaned and grimaced.

“Do you feel any of those things for Fawn?”

“It’s different nowadays. There’s no Humphrey Bogart-Ingrid Bergman thing happening. People get along and they hook up.”

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“Nonsense!”

“You think Bryan is going to find some knockout love of his life?”

“Yes!”

Her conviction surprised him. If Bryan found that in Tyler, Jordon would go insane. “No. No way. Gay men cheat.”

“Jordon. They don’t. Not all of them.”

“Are you kidding me?” He laughed at the joke. “You have any idea how many men have made a pass at me in the last seven days?”

“Men?”

Her astonished look made him rueful of his careless words. “Never mind.” As he went to stand, she stayed him.

“Jordon.”

He couldn’t look her in the eyes.

“I wouldn’t care if I had two gay sons. Not in the least.”

“Augh!” he screamed. “I’m not gay! I can’t be! How can I be gay?”

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“Jordon.” Her hold grew tighter but her words softer. “Look at me.”

It took every ounce of strength he had to meet her eyes.

“Baby,” she whispered. “Don’t marry carelessly. I know today marriage has become a throwaway idea. Big deal, I’ll get a divorce, better luck next time.” She squeezed his fingers in a vise hold. “But any divorce is earth-shattering. And if there are children… it’s catastrophic.”

With his free hand he rubbed his eyes in anguish. He hadn’t had any doubt when he proposed. He had no idea what was going on lately in his head.

“Is there a man you are attracted to, Jordon?”

“No.” How on earth could he tell her?

“Maybe you should talk to Bryan--”

“No!” he snapped, immediately regretting his tone. “I’m sorry. No. I don’t want to speak to Bryan.”

“When is Fawn due back?”

“Uh…” He had to concentrate. “A week. I think she said a week. I have to call her and ask her about a date that’s available the week before Christmas.” Jordon took his hand back from her clasp. “I’m tired, Mom. Can we call it a night?”

“Of course.” She stood, holding him around his waist as they walked to the door.

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“You want me to hail you a cab?”

“No. There are plenty of them around this time of the evening.” She picked up her purse.

“I’ll walk you down.” He slipped on a pair of tennis shoes and found his keys.

In silence, they descended to the lobby. As usual, it was busy with residents as well as bar and restaurant patrons.

He stood out on the sidewalk, flagging down a cab. When one pulled up, he opened the back door for his mother and told the driver her destination uptown. She kissed his cheek and waved as she disappeared into traffic.

Just as he was about to return inside, an effeminate man with a shaved head whispered, “Hey, baby…” as he passed.

Unable to force a reply or smile, Jordon made his weary way back to his abode.

He kicked off his shoes, tossed his keys aside, and picked up the phone. He dialed Fawn’s number.

“Hiya, Jordy.”

“You sound tired.” He dropped down on his own bed.

“I am. Long flight.”


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“L.A.”

“Oh. Lucky,” he said. “Look, Tyler called. He told me that since we’re cutting it close, the only one on your list to have a date near Christmas has one a week before. Is that okay?”

“Perfect. Thank you, Jordy.”

“I miss you, baby.”

“I miss you too. So, now that we have a date? Can you do other things with him?”

A chill ran up Jordon’s back. “Other things?”

“Yes. I’m not picky about flowers and stuff, babe. Can you and he get that settled? You know, pick a photographer, invitations…”

“We didn’t even make a list of who we want to invite yet.”

“You can still select a design. Or better yet, let him.” She laughed. “Yours will have blue chip stock options on it.”

“Funny girl.” He smiled.

“Seriously, Jordy. Can you do that for me? I want to pick out the menu and my gown, but to be honest, everything else is unimportant to me.”

“What is important to you, Fawn?”

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“You, babe.”

“You sure?”

“Yes.”

Jordon had mixed emotions about this conversation. He had hoped it would make him more confident, not more guilt-ridden. “But, babe, I’m like an old fuddy-duddy compared to you. You’re still so energetic and carefree.”

“Not at the moment. At the moment, I’m wiped out. I need to sleep, Jordy. I have to be back on the plane again soon.”

“Yes. Of course. I’m sorry.”

“So, call Tyler and see if he can book that place.”

“I will, Fawn. Miss you.”

“Bye, babe.”

He hung up. and checked the time. It was nearing nine.

Jordon located Tyler’s business card and, before he chickened out or had second thoughts, he called his mobile number.

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“Hello?”

“Hey, Tyler, it’s Jordon. Is it too late to call you?”

“No. I was just watching the Olympics on TV. What’s up?”

“I forgot that was on.”

“Men’s gymnastics. Check it out.”

Jordon hopped off the bed and pointed the remote at the television in his den. “The rings. Love it.”

“ Oh, me too. Christ.”

The sound of lust in Tyler’s voice made Jordon smile. He dropped down on the sofa. “You, uh, on your own? Or am I disturbing you with company?”

“On my own.”

“Really?” Jordon was surprised. Ex-porn star, stunningly handsome, Tyler Holliday is alone? That didn’t make any sense to him. While he was busy with his thoughts, an athletic male on the rings was doing the iron cross. It got Jordon’s attention immediately. “Wow. Look at that.”

“Isn’t he to die for?”

Jordon wondered if Tyler was slightly tipsy. He sounded unguarded and relaxed.

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“He’s absolutely beautiful, Tyler.” Jordon figured if Tyler could be unguarded, maybe he could too. He wasn’t homophobic or afraid to sound unmanly, far from it. He’d heard Bryan point out nice-looking men all of Bryan’s teen and adult life. Hearing Tyler do it was nothing new. And Jordon could appreciate a good-looking man. He wasn’t blind.

On the contrary. He was very attracted to a man at the moment. This man. The one whose voice was sending chills up his spine.

“They’re so young. I feel like a perv,” Tyler said.

“They are. But I bet older men were drooling like that over you when you were their age.”

“Yeah. I know.”

Jordon paused, watching another athlete’s slow-motion replay. Jordon tried to think carefully before he asked the next question. Screw it. He just dove in. “You… uh, prefer young men? Like the gymnast?”

“No. Not at all.”

“It said on your MySpace you’re twenty-eight. Is that up to date?”

“It is. I got a friend request from you, and I assume your brother. Bryan Buck?”

At the mention of his brother, Jordon frowned, then watched the young athlete’s perfect dismount.

“Oh, that is so hot.” Tyler had obviously caught the performance as well.

At Tyler’s enthusiasm, Jordon laughed softly. “Yes, Bryan’s my brother. Look, ignore Bryan. He’s a flighty pain in the ass.”

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“Why on earth would him being a pain in the ass have anything to do with me?”

“In case he emails you, you know.”

“Check the next guy out. What do you think?”

Jordon looked up at the television. “Nice deltoids.”

“Christ…”

Jordon whispered, “Ya got your hand down your shorts, Mr. Holliday?”

“I’m restraining the desire. They’re too frickin' young. I had nightmares about older men attacking me in my youth. I can’t do it to them. Anyway… we digress. I assume you want to talk to me about the date I left on your answering machine.”

Disappointed by the change in topics, Jordon gazed in awe at the man on the rings as he imagined him and Tyler doing some gymnastics of their own, horizontally. “Yeah. Uh, she’s game for the one that’s a week early.”

“Good.”

“And she wants me to get started on the other crap. All that’s important to her is the menu and her dress.”

“Check him out. He’s going to get a ten. Look at that replay.”

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Jordon did. “They never give Americans a perfect score. It’s all rigged.”

“What a cynic!”

“Come on. The host country will win. You watch.”

“Remember Mary Lou Retton?”

“In Los Angeles. No Eastern block countries. I rest my case.”

“You are right… shoot, look. Nine point seven five.”

“Told you.”

“Why am I the only one selected as your MySpace friend, Jordon?”

“What?” Jordon’s skin crawled.

“Your site. I’m it. Except for that Tom guy who’s on everyone’s.”

“I just set it up. I’ll get more friends.” Jordon’s forehead break out in a sweat.

“Not even your brother is on it.”

“He will be. I just haven’t gotten to him yet.”

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“But you got to me.”

No. You have gotten to me, you fantastic man. “You must rate.”

“I must.”

“You’re the one who said yes. You could have said no.” Jordon was in heat. This was fantastic. Flirting! He couldn’t remember the last time he flirted with someone he had the hots for.

“I did. I don’t say yes to everyone. But you were special.”

“Was I?”

“Yes.”

“Why was I special?” Jordon had one hell of an erection, and unlike Tyler, he wasn’t sure he was going to resist handling it.

“You didn’t judge me because of my past.”

“Why would anyone do that?” Jordon stroked himself, his shorts pulled back around his balls.

“You’d be surprised. It’s one of the reasons I’m in this present line of work.”

“Really?”

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“Yes. No one will hire me.”

“That’s insane.” Jordon stood, walked to his bedroom, picked up the photograph he had printed, and brought it back to the den with him. He much preferred the sight of Tyler to the young boys on the pommel horse.

He placed it where he could admire it and resumed his stroking.

“I know. Unbelievable. I suppose if I knew then it would make such an indelible black mark on my resume, I may have reconsidered.”

“You were so young, Tyler. Eighteen.”

“Shh… I was sixteen. Don’t tell anyone.”

“Christ. That’s horrible.”

“That’s more like the comments I’m used to.”

“No! No, not you are horrible, that someone could have exploited you at such a young age is.” Jordon stilled his hand at the topic of conversation.

“I know. I thought I was so smart, Jordon. Look at me! Aren’t I a sex symbol! What a complete moron I was.”

“Did it at least pay well?”

“No. The pay sucked. A hundred here or there.”

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“I’m so sorry.”

“Why should you be? Hey, I made my bed, I suppose I’ll sleep in it.”

“Alone?” Jordon had no idea why this conversation felt so familiar that he was able to relax and say things he would be mortified to have said if he had planned it.

“Sadly.”

“Why?”

After a deep exhale, Tyler revealed, “I feel like the men who are after me see me as that eighteen-year old. It makes me ill when they gush on and on about those old movies. I hear how many copies they have, how many times they’ve seen it. Makes me sick.”

Jordon suddenly realized Bryan’s tactics would get him nowhere. Good, ya fucker .

“I’ve never seen one. Nor have I the desire to, Tyler. I can’t imagine the image of a teenager exciting me.”

“How old are you, Jordon?”

“Thirty.”

“What age… uh… person… does excite you? How old is Fawn?”

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“She’s twenty-six. But if I were to watch porn, which I never have yet, I think I’d prefer late twenty-year-olds to mid-thirties.”

“Me too. Can’t stand the twinks.”

“What the fuck is that?” Jordon had heard his brother use that term.

“Young, post-pubescent, blond boy bimbos.”

“Christ, no.” Jordon cringed. “I’d much prefer a mature man.”

Silence followed.

Jordon listened and wondered if the connection went dead. “Hello?”

“Did… did you just say you preferred a mature ‘man’?”

A frigid chill washed over Jordon’s skin. His dick had gone soft so he pushed it behind the material of his shorts. “Did… did I say that? I don’t think it’s what I meant.”

“Did you mean you preferred a mature woman?”

Holy fuck! It’s a trap! It’s a trap! Run away!

“Uh, anyway, I guess we need to meet again and decide on the photographer, invitations, flowers… you know.” Jordon sat up on the couch and caught some spectacular leaps over the vault still showing on the television. Twinks playing gymnasts.

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“Yes.”

“So, uh, anytime good for you, Mr. Holliday? What’s your event planner look like?” Act casual. Breathe. No need to panic .

“Let me see. Hold on. It’s in the other room.”

“No problem. Take your time.” Jordon imagined him stark naked. Bet you have a big dick and long, soft testicles, Mr. Holliday.

“Right. What’s good for you? Lunch? After work?”

“I eat lunch at my desk. Not lunch.”

Tyler chuckled. “Stockbroker,” he said with a deep, serious voice, “eats his lunch at his desk while he share trades.”

“You teasing me?” Jordon grinned. How much did he adore this man? Huh? How fucking much?

“Yes. I’ve never met a stockbroker before. Do you stand on the floor of the New York Stock Exchange, screaming and waving like a madman?”

“No. I sit very civilized in an office and click computer keys with a phone wire wrapped around my head.”

“Exciting!”

Jordon loved this banter. He’d never exchanged any like this with Fawn and found it infinitely appealing.

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“And you, Mr. Wedding Planner? Any better? On the phone liaising and negotiating on the price of posies?”

“Ouch!”

Jordon cracked up. “Gotcha.”

“Hey, if you can get me an audition with a talent agent, I’d be modeling, believe me.”

“You’re certainly good looking enough, Tyler.”

“Yeah?”

Jordon kept putting his foot in it. Was he coming on to this man or not? Or cock teasing like poor Adrian always accused him of?

“Am I?”

“You need me to tell you?” Jordon’s cock went rigid again.

“I’ve never had a thirty-year-old stockbroker tell me I was good looking.”

“I suppose it’s about time.”

“Can I ask you something?”

Uh oh. Jordon froze. “I’m not sure.”

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“I won’t, then.”

Damn! “What… what was it about? The wedding?”

“No.”

“Olympic twinks?”

Tyler roared with laughter.

Jordon brightened up at getting a rise out of him. If just making him laugh felt this good, giving Tyler an orgasm would be out of this goddamn world.

“You learn very quickly, Mr. Buck.”

“Yes. I am a fast study.”

“Back to our meeting. Okay, lunch is out. You mentioned dinner once… uh, that still on offer?”

“Only if it’s my treat.” Christ, was this a date? It was playing out like a first date.

“Pick a night.”

It sounded so sensual, Jordon was dizzy. “Tomorrow.”

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“I like your assertive attitude, Mr. Buck.”

“You obviously also like my name.” Jordon couldn’t be more amused.

“Buck. It sounds very manly. Stags, bucks, studs…”

“As opposed to Holliday, which is right out of a Truman Capote novel?”

“Damn, you are so cruel.”

He heard the smile in Tyler’s voice. “No. I’m a nice guy. Honest.”

“Nice and honest? I have to admit I haven’t met many of those.”

“I’m sorry.” And Jordon meant it. “Tyler, I can’t imagine being judged so harshly on something I did at sixteen. If we were all held up to the same scrutiny, which of us wouldn’t be ridiculed?”

After a pause, Tyler whispered, “Thank you, Jordon.”

“No need, Tyler. As far as I’m concerned, you are the man you are today. Not the twink you were at the tender age of sixteen.”

“Fifteen, shh, don’t tell anyone.” Tyler laughed

Jordon hoped he was kidding. “Fine. Where were we? I can’t keep track. You keep distracting me.”

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“Growl!”

Jordon’s hair stood up on his neck. What the fuck? “Did I say something controversial again?”

“No. I’m playing with you. Don’t I wish! Uh, hmm. Okay. Tomorrow… want to meet in the lobby of your building? You mentioned a restaurant.”

Playing with me? Don’t I wish? Augh! I’m dying here!

If they had dinner in his restaurant, that meant they had immediate access to a private bedroom. Oh, dear. Was that wise?

When Jordon didn’t reply, Tyler did. “No? Shitty food?”

“No. Good food. Sure.”

“Six?”

“I… I usually work out first.”

“Me too. Where do you go?”

“There…” Jordon grew clammy and his stomach tightened. “There’s a gym in my building.”

“Nice. Hey. I got an idea.”

Jordon shivered, knowing the idea was going scare the bejesus out of him.

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“Why don’t we work out together? Do they do guest passes?”

“Yes.” Jordon was going to faint.

“Cool. If that’s okay. We could get our workout in, then enjoy dinner after. That would give us plenty of time to get everything done.”

Oh my fucking God.

“Is that okay? If you’d prefer we didn’t--”

“It’s okay.”

“Good. So what time to do you get to the gym?”

“Right after the market closes.”

“And that is?” Tyler laughed.

“Four.”

“Four. At four-ten, I shall be waiting for you in the lobby, ready to go.”

“I’ll have to change.” Jordon was so nervous he was shaking.

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“Okay. See you tomorrow at four-ten, Mr. Stockbrocker Jordon Buck.”

“Yes. Tomorrow.” When he hung up he realized they’d been on the phone for twenty minutes. He couldn’t remember a conversation that long with Fawn.

Fawn. Fawn who?

Jordon grabbed the naked photo of Tyler, shut off the television, staring at the photo. He turned on a light, closed the door of the den, and stripped naked. He splayed out on the couch, and once again fisted himself with that tantalizing photo of his wedding planner, while Tyler’s voice and flirting playfulness was still rebounding in his head.

He was surprised at how quickly he brought himself up to a climax. Jordon had usually struggled in the past, and it was one of the reasons he didn’t masturbate very much.

He peeked down at the spray of creamy puddles on his chest, along with the printout of the fabulous Mr. Holliday, and put two and two together. Only the equation didn’t make him happy.

“This is getting habit forming. That is so not good.” He set the paper aside. “What am I doing to myself? Going into heat over this guy? While I plan my fucking wedding?” Jordon’s head dropped back against the sofa cushions. His temples began to throb with the decisions he would face if he allowed himself to continue jerking off to the image of this man.

Complicated didn’t even begin to describe what it would become. Hell, more like.

He moaned and promised himself, once again, no more. He stood, wobbling as he caught his balance. Jordon dragged his heels to the bathroom to clean up, cursing himself for making such a mess of his life when the plans had all been set for his future.

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Chapter Six

The next morning, in a world of his own, Jordon woke up when an arm poked through to part the elevator doors. “Hello, Adrian.”

“Jordon.” Adrian stood beside him, smiling.

“You almost missed me. You’re slipping.”

“I am. You were right about one thing though.”

“Was I?” Jordon watched the numbers light in succession.

“Your brother is beautiful.”

“Oh? Found him?” Jordon grinned.

“His MySpace. What a pretty, pretty boy.”

“He’s twenty-seven, Mr. Tripp.”

“Simply a figure of speech, Mr. Buck.”

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They exited the elevator, walking side by side down the corridor. “I emailed him. Is he good about corresponding?”

“I assume so. Will he see a photo of you?” Jordon paused at his own office.

“Of course!” Adrian batted his lashes.

“You’ll get an email in return, Mr. Tripp.”

“I’ll keep you posted, Mr. Buck.”

They parted ways. Jordon removed his jacket and hung it on his door, thinking about Adrian and Bryan hooking up. “Not a bad match.”

Anything is better than you vying for Tyler’s attention, little brother.Good. Go get him, Adrian. Get him and keep him busy.

***

The afternoon flew by as the Dow made a late rally and the NASDAQ closed on the rise. Jordon shut down his computer, straightened up his desk, and removed the wire from around his head. He checked his watch.

“Shit.” He jumped to his feet and made his own late rally, grabbing his suit jacket and hurrying down the hall to the elevator.

“Late for a date, Mr. Buck?” Adrian rushed after him.

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“Meeting someone for a workout.”

“Sounds like sweaty fun. Love a good physical bout.”

“One-track mind, Mr. Tripp?” Jordon held the elevator door for him.

Adrian breathed, “Once you’ve had sex with a man, you won’t be able to think of anything else.”

“In my case, you got that right!” Jordon laughed. “I’d be scarred for life.”

“Changed for life. For the better.”

“Is the International Association of Gay Pride actively recruiting new members, Adrian?” Jordon pressed his tongue in his cheek.

“We always welcome a new alum.” He licked his lip seductively.

“You’re like Jehovah’s Witnesses.”

“Knock, knock. Can I come in your back door?”

The elevator opened. “Go. If I exit first, you'll try for my back door.” Jordon nudged him on the arm.

“Cock tease! You are the worst cock tease, Mr. Buck!”

“See you tomorrow, Mr. Tripp.” Jordon kept his smile as he walked down the sunny street to his destination. Coming through the lobby doors, Jordon heard his name. He looked up and found Tyler

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trying to get his attention.

As Tyler made his way over, Jordon gawked at his black spandex shorts and muscle tank top.

“Where do you need to go to change?” Tyler asked, carrying a gym bag.

“Up… up to my…” Jordon pointed when his vocal cords failed.

“You want me to wait here for you?”

“The gym is up there…” Jordon forced himself to walk to the elevator and struggled not to see the outline of Tyler’s cock in his skintight shorts.

“I can check in and warm up. What are you comfortable with?”

You sitting on my face.

“I don’t care. Up to you.” Jordon held the elevator door for him.

“If I said I’m dying to see what a condo in this place looks like, do I sound like a stockbroker groupie?” Tyler grinned.

Finally meeting those luminous blue eyes, Jordon replied, “Yeah. You’re the worst kind of fanatic. I should keep a bodyguard handy to fend your type off.”

“Nothing wrong with wanting to see how the other half lives.”

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“My pleasure, Mr. Holliday.”

“I have a feeling it’ll be mine.”

At the silky smile, Jordon felt his body respond, oh yes, with a raging hard on.

“Top floor,” Tyler observed as Jordon pushed the button. “I can feel my excitement growing.”

“In that outfit, you’ll be revealing it.” Did I say that ?

Tyler faced Jordon full on. “Why am I getting the feeling there is much more to you than I ever anticipated?”

“Nah. I’m a total bore.”

“I’m sure that’s the lie you want propagated.”

When they arrived and the elevator door slid back soundlessly, Jordon couldn’t even imagine not checking out Tyler’s ass in the skintight spandex. He wasn’t disappointed.

“Are you ready?” Jordon asked playfully as he held his key aloft.

“Drum roll, please.”

He unlocked it and pushed it back. “Ta da.”

As Tyler floated in, Jordon closed the door behind Tyler, admiring this amazing man as he did the same

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to the décor.

“My, oh my, Mr. Buck. You’ve done very well for yourself.”

“Relax. Explore. Do what you like. Help yourself to anything in the fridge. I’ll just be a minute.”

“Take your time.” Tyler dropped his gym bag and walked to the window view.

Jordon smiled and closed himself into his bedroom to change, kicking off his shoes. He unknotted his tie, and when he was down to his briefs he glanced at his computer and gasped in terror. After jumping into shorts, he bolted out of the room to his den and froze. Fuck!

Tyler slowly pivoted around to face him, holding a very incriminating piece of paper in his hand.

“I… uh… I… That was… I…” Jordon wanted to jump out of the forty-three story window.

Tyler sauntered closer. “You printed this?”

Jordon had no idea how to explain it.

“Off my MySpace site?” he purred.

“My brother.” Crap, another plug for Bryan. He hated himself.

“Oh? Your brother printed it and left it in your den? How inconvenient of him.”

Jordon knew it was such an obvious lie, even he didn’t buy it.

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Suddenly Jordon realized he had nothing on at the moment but gym shorts and briefs, and Tyler was overtly admiring his naked chest.

Jordon had absolutely no explanation but the obvious, so he slunk back to his bedroom to finish dressing. Rushes of panic and fear were cascading through him with so much power he was dizzy. Caught. Stuck by his own stupid carelessness, Jordon was left with nowhere to hide. The sense of nausea was permeating his stomach and he dreaded the fallout from his infatuation ruining his life.

***

Tyler was on fire.

The minute he had met Jordon at lunch with his fiancée Fawn and future mother-in-law Blithe, he thought Jordon was exceptional. But it certainly wasn’t his policy to hit on the prospective grooms who sought out his services. Not by any stretch of the imagination. If anything, he did his best to behave in the opposite manner. The last thing he wanted was to be labeled a lecherous, lonely ex-porn star who didn’t know an available gay man from a straight one about to be married. Talk about ruining a good business reputation in one costly error. Taboo. Unacceptable.

But something was here.

This spectacular brown-eyed, muscular Adonis had printed off his nude photo. Had obviously created a MySpace site for the sole purpose of inviting him in. First and only him.

What on earth did he have here? It read bi-curious like a neon sign in Times Square.

He set the photo printout down on the table where he had found it, taking another walk through the fabulous three-bedroom Wall Street condominium. Not one photo of Fawn Lea was visible. Not one.

The bedroom door opened.

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Tyler held his breath in anticipation of Jordon’s movie star good looks and delectable, solid build. The previous appearance of Jordon’s muscled wall of chest and small, dark nipples had almost sent Tyler over the edge.

How much self-control was he supposed to have? He was only human.

“I’m very sorry.”

“Jordon, no need.”

“I printed it.”

“I’m flattered.”

“I guess I am just enamored with how good looking you are.”

Tyler melted at such an honest admission from a man who was so obviously petrified.

“I’m ashamed.” Jordon lowered his head, the blush rising in his angular cheeks.

“Don’t be. I can’t be more pleased, Jordon. Don’t beat yourself up.” Tyler's urge to touch Jordon was painful. He laced his hands behind his back to prevent it.

“I signed up on that ridiculous MySpace site just to…”

“It’s amazing. Don’t be embarrassed.”

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“You… uh, still want to work out?” Jordon couldn’t meet his eyes.

“Yes. I do.”

“Good. I need a run. I’m feeling like crap at the moment.”

“God. Jordon. Don’t.” Tyler took a step closer, dying to comfort him, hold him.

“What I did was wrong on so many goddamn levels, Tyler. Don’t act kind and forgive me.”

“Don’t act kind?” Tyler almost choked at the irony. “You forgave my acts. My horrible past.”

“It’s not the same. I’m engaged to be married. I can’t lust after my wedding planner.”

A wash of heat filled Tyler with so much passion he had to tighten his fists not to jump on this man. “Lust?”

Jordon rubbed his face in anguish. “I don’t know what the hell I’m even saying. Maybe we shouldn’t work out together.”

“No. Come on. It’ll do us both some good.”

As they headed out, Jordon grabbed a towel. “You need one?”

“I’ve got one. Thanks.” He knelt by his bag on the floor. “Should I leave it here? Or shower at the gym?”

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“I have three bathrooms. There’s no reason you can’t shower here.”

“You’re a kind, generous man, Jordon Buck. Thank you.”

“Then why do I feel like such a heel?” He cupped his keys and gestured to the door.

“I just told you,” Tyler replied, smiling at him.

***

Still recovering from the mistake of leaving that nude photo where it could be discovered, Jordon had completely forgotten about it. He was so used to Fawn being gone and living on his own, it never occurred to him to do a walk-through to check for incriminating items. He thought he had a week before he had to do that.

Unable to look Tyler in the eye, and relieved he was being so good about the awkward incident, Jordon stepped up onto an available treadmill and was pleasantly surprised to see Tyler mount the one next to him. “What do you do on it?” Jordon asked.

“What do you do?” Tyler flirted playfully.

“I asked you first.” Jordon covered his hand over what he was entering into the treadmill’s computer.

“Let’s compete. Tell me your routine.”

“Yeah?” Jordon lit up.

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“Afraid of a little healthy competition?” Tyler smiled slyly.

“Fine. You’re on. Hit the hill climb program. Fifty minutes. Top level.”

“Augh!” Tyler gasped. “You’re just saying that to intimidate me.”

With a smug smile on his lips, Jordon warned, “Better get going, or I’ll beat you by default.”

“Motherfucker!”

Jordon leaned over to make sure Tyler was indeed putting in the highest level of difficulty. “Ready, rookie?”

“I hope to shit it doesn’t kill me.”

“It will. Go.”

The two treadmills began to move. Jordon couldn’t be more excited. As it warmed up, he and Tyler exchanged competitive glances and big, daring smiles.

The whirring of the gears brought them up to their first hill. The speed accelerated with it. So far, Jordon was impressed. He had no idea of Tyler’s stamina or lung power, but it was about to be tested. After all, it was obvious Tyler lifted weights, but how was his aerobic ability?

Thirty minutes in and neither man showed signs of fatigue. Sweat was pouring out of them, but neither was gasping or moaning.

“Doing well, rookie!” Jordon and Tyler kept exact pace with one another as the machines duplicated the

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program. Each matched stride for stride like it was a planned marching exercise at boot camp.

“You think you’ll defeat me, Buck? Ha!”

“The last hill climb’s the bitch.”

“Bring it on!”

Jordon couldn’t adore this man any more than he did at that moment. It made the uneasiness he had felt over the photo incident vanish into thin air.

“Uh-oh. Unfair!”

At Tyler’s exclamation, Jordon found Alejandro doing his seductive stretching directly in front of them.

“Hold on to your hat. If you become hypnotized by him, you’ll fly right the fuck off.”

“Has it happened to you?” Tyler gasped as he sprinted.

“Almost.”

“Christ, he’s fantastic.”

“Keep looking at him, rookie. I’m sure to win when you go rocketing off the back of that thing.”

“Not gonna happen, Buck.”

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Alejandro spun around to address Jordon. “You brought a friend, chulo ?”

“You like my friend, Alejandro?”

Tyler laughed. “Don’t get me going. That’s cheating.”

“He’s muy bonito . I thought you were not gay, Jordon.”

“Stop!” Tyler held onto the rails. “I can’t laugh and run. You have to stop.”

“A competition?”Alejandro appeared amused. “ Muy bien!Can I have the winner?”

“You set this up!” Tyler accused, gasping. “Cheater!”

“I did not! Alejandro, did I set this up?” Jordon sucked in air in between words.

“Set what up?’

“See?”

They both hit the last hill climb simultaneously.

“Augh!” Jordon cried as his legs pumped. “This is the last killer.”

“Fuck!” Tyler groaned. “I’ll kill you, Jordon!”

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“Shut up… Oh, God…” Jordon forced himself not to give up or lower the speed as the pain became almost unbearable. Jordon peeked at Tyler’s face, seeing him grimacing as well. He was glad at least this workout wasn’t a cakewalk for the guy. It sure as shit killed him every time.

Alejandro peered down at the illuminated display. “Two minutes. Hang on!”

“I’m dying!” Jordon struggled in agony.

As the engines whined down and the words “cool down” finally lit up the console, Jordon and Tyler moaned and grabbed the rails as the belt slowed to a fast walk, and finally to a crawl.

“Motherfucker.” Tyler struggled for air, wiping his face with a towel.

“Well done!” Jordon patted Tyler’s drenched back. “I’m really impressed, Tyler.”

“Me?” Tyler tried to laugh. “You kidding me? You do this every day?”

“He does,” Alejandro replied. “I vouch for him.”

Jordon gestured for Tyler to climb off and pointed to the water fountain. “Go. You first.”

Tyler wiped down the machine, almost stumbling off the rubber mat in his exhaustion. As he leaned over to gulp down ice water, Jordon admired his soaked-black-spandex-covered ass. In his ear, Alejandro whispered, “You have your first man, yes?”

“No. Not yet.”

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“Oh? You can resist that?” He laughed as he stared at Tyler’s fantastic shape. “You are either dead or el stupido .”

“ El stupido,” Jordon agreed.

“Is your life.” Alejandro walked off.

“Your turn.” Tyler wiped his mouth off with his towel. Water was running down his neck to his chest.

Jordon took a minute to admire him in all his soaked glory. The scent coming off Tyler’s body was so appetizing that Jordon leaned in for a long deep sniff.

“Yes?” Tyler chuckled at his action.

“Nothing.” Jordon stooped over the fountain.

“Believe me,” Tyler whispered, “you smell fucking awesome too.”

At the admission, the water instantly headed down the wrong piping. Jordon coughed, covering his mouth, as Tyler shook his head at him.

Jordon recovered and went back to gulping water.

Tyler asked, “Do you do weights after that insanity?’

“Sometimes.” Jordon wiped his face and neck with a towel.

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“I’m here. What do you want to do?”

Lick you! Please!

“How about just some crunches and we’ll call it a day?’

“Sounds good,” Tyler agreed.

They lay side by side on two mats, their towels under them while they continued to pour with sweat.

As if this too was a competition, they kept pace, crunch for crunch, until they were once again crying in agony.

“You stop first!” Tyler said.

“No! Then you’ll say you won. You stop!”

“Fine! Stop together. One. Two. Three.”

Jordon halted, dropping down as Tyler did one more, gloating.

“You cheating asshole!” Jordon laughed.

“Yeah, you lost. Screw you.”

Without a second thought, Jordon dove on him, pinning him down. “I have to watch you. You don’t play

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fair.”

When Tyler began panting loudly, Jordon realized their chests were pressed together, running with sweat. About to jump back in terror, Jordon froze when Tyler gripped him by the biceps. They caught eyes and it was so disorienting for Jordon that he felt faint.

“You gorgeous fucker,” Tyler hissed quietly.

“I’m sorry. Let me go.”

“I don’t want to ever let you go.”

At the pain in Tyler’s voice, Jordon met his gaze again. Jordon had somehow found deeper agony than what he had managed on the grueling hill climb program.

“Tyler,” Jordon whispered in a very soft voice. He was released.

They sat up and stared at each other. Jordon was so attracted to the entire package Tyler offered, he had no idea what to do. Not just Tyler’s great looks, but Tyler’s edge, his playfulness, his humor, his laughter… his scent. Christ, why was his scent so fucking intoxicating? “Let’s go shower.” Jordon rose, reaching his hand down.

Tyler took it, allowing Jordon to haul him up.

Jordon draped Tyler’s towel around his neck and did the same to his own.

“See ya, Alejandro.” Jordon waved.

“Have fun, you two.”

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In silence, they made their way back to Jordon’s door. Once Jordon let them in, he escorted Tyler to a spare bathroom. “Here ya go, buddy. It should have everything you need.” Jordon opened a cabinet. “Shampoo, towels, razors… it’s stocked. Help yourself.”

Tyler held Jordon back from leaving. “How inappropriate would it be for me to just tell you how amazing I think you are?”

Jordon tried to lighten up the mood. “Very?”

“Can I say it anyway?”

“Didn’t you already?” Jordon knew they should kiss. It was what would come next if this were a movie. All the silly banter, the shared triumph of the workout, the attraction… yes, the next move was a kiss. But this was not Hollywood. This was reality; his wedding planner, and the reason he was in Jordon’s life was because he was planning a wedding. A wedding! A fucking marriage! Jordon! Leave the room now! Run. Don’t do this .

The grip on his arm softened. They both looked away from each other. “I’ll… uh…”

“Yes. Okay.” Tyler nodded, backing up.

“So, when you’re done, just hang out and wait for me, or get a drink. Seriously, raid the fridge, okay?”

Tyler didn’t reply. Instead, Tyler bit his lip and nodded, not looking at him.

***

The minute Jordon left the bathroom, Tyler reached out for the sink to steady himself, gazing down at his

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sweat-soaked spandex shorts. His erection stood out from his body like a beacon of his attraction. And there was no way Jordon could have missed it. Tyler yanked them down and raised his tank top off his head, then reached into the marble shower stall and turned on the water. He was dazed.

Finally under the cleansing spray, Tyler couldn’t resist grabbing his cock and jacking off, moaning at the longing he had for this unavailable, spoken for, about to be married, incredible man.

***

Jordon gasped as he recovered. Still milking his cock, he closed his eyes and relived pressing his chest against Tyler’s and the look of desire in those baby blues. He wanted Tyler -- and it was beginning to become obsessive. On one hand, he could make the argument that he had to make sure he was ready for marrying Fawn. On the other, he knew this attraction was impossible and wrong. So wrong it was making him crazy with illicit yearning.

No! I promised myself no more jacking off over this guy!Jordon moaned in self-reproach. Why couldn’t he stop himself? It was getting to the point where he needed the release every time he thought of Tyler or had contact with him. Jordon was not the kind of guy to masturbate constantly. This was so unlike him that he was struggling with himself over it and losing the battle to restrain his urges. He couldn’t keep justifying it, telling himself just this one, no, one more time. No.

It seemed suddenly it was all he was capable of doing, getting off thinking about Tyler.

“I’m nuts. What am I doing with my life?” Jordon stared down at his limp dick in anger. “Stop. No more. That’s the last time.”

He shut off the water, drying himself. Jordon tossed the towel over the rack and slipped on a pair of soft, faded jeans and a sleeveless t-shirt. After finishing his routine of brushing his hair, rolling on deodorant, and moisturizing his skin, he took a last glance at his reflection and tried to alter the expression of doubt and worry that was so obvious on his face.Inhale. Exhale. Calm yourself down. He’s just a man who’s planning your wedding. No big deal, Jordon. Relax. You’re friends. That’s it.

Finally willing himself to get the hell out of his bedroom and confront the man who he'd been having a climax over a few minutes ago, he found Tyler looking tantalizing at his kitchen table in black slacks and a

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black short-sleeved, V-neck shirt. His briefcase was splayed open in front of him to the plethora of wedding information and business cards.

“Can I get you a drink, Tyler?” Jordon convinced himself he just needed to move on, act casually.

“Water would be great.”

“Coming up.” He removed two bottles of spring water from the fridge. “How about food?”

“Don’t go to any trouble.”

“No trouble.” He set the water bottles on the table. “I can whip up something quick.”

Tyler unscrewed the cap on his water. “Whip up? You cook?”

“I do.”

“Impress me, Buck.” Tyler grinned, gulping the water.

“It’s a deal.” Jordon dug through his food supplies, trying to come up with something special. “Feel free to talk to me. I’m an expert at multi-tasking.”

“What can’t you do?”

At the irony, Jordon mumbled, “What I want to do most.”

“Oh?”

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“Never mind. Talk to me about weddings.” Jordon removed fresh boar sausages from the refrigerator and sliced up yellow and red peppers, sweet Vidalia onions, and garlic.

“You said Fawn’s up for anything we suggest except the food menu and her wedding gown.”

“Correct.” Jordon set out a pan, drizzled it with olive oil, and lit the burner.

“Does that mean anything I recommend is good with you?”

“Yes.” Jordon diced up the vegetables and tossed them into the sizzling heat.

“You realize that already smells divine.”

Jordon chuckled to himself, adding the slices of sausage in with fresh basil and seasoning.

“Right.” Tyler seemed to be trying to focus. “Do you want a video?”

“No.” Thinking of Tyler’s -- Suck it Deep, Play Toys, Bottom Up, Young and Listless -- Jordon diced up stewed tomatoes, adding them to the pan and covering it.

“Just a wedding album?”

“Yes.”

“Any size?”

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“Doesn’t matter.”

“Wall photos?”

“You decide.” Jordon poured two glasses of merlot, setting them on the table near the water, then began cutting up a salad.

When it became silent, Jordon spun back to Tyler. “You got quiet.”

“Do you two just not give a shit, or are you simply very open about my input?”

“Why?” Jordon rinsed the romaine and tore big chunks of it into a bowl.

“Usually… and now I’m just talking typical wedding stuff here, Jordon…”

“Yes?” He laughed, slicing up a cucumber and some red onion.

“Most couples are very particular about their wants and needs. They haggle, change their minds, insist on odd things that are not usually included. So, what’s the deal? Is it apathy?”

“Ouch!” Jordon narrowed his gaze at him. “Apathy?”

“I thought you cut yourself. Did you?”

“No. I’m cringing at your comment.” Jordon mixed up an oil and vinegar dressing and set the salad and the carafe on the table.

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“I’m sensing a lot of ‘don’t give a shit’ from both of you.”

“You sure it’s not just ‘too busy and don’t know’?” A big billow of steam rose when Jordon lifted the lid to stir the sausage and peppers. He checked a slice of meat for doneness.

“Am I sure?” Tyler sipped the wine. “I’m asking you that question.”

Jordon filled two plates, bringing them over to the table.

“Holy shit.” Tyler gazed down at the food. “I’m in love.”

Jordon smiled modestly. “Would you like bread?”

“No. This is fine. More than fine. Where did you learn to cook like this?”

“My mom.” Jordon grated the reggiano on all the food, including the salad.

“You realize how much I hate Fawn?” Tyler took a taste. “Mm… Jesus, Jordon.”

“I’m glad you like it.”

“You made it in like two seconds.”

“Maybe three. I didn’t count.” He moved the salad bowl toward him. “Take some.”

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“Look, if this thing doesn’t work out with her, will you marry me?”

Jordon caught his impish grin. “A gay man marry? Be loyal? Ha.”

“Hey. We can be.” Tyler shook the salad dressing bottle and poured it on his lettuce.

“Sure you can, Mr. Holliday. And yesterday was the day that I was born.” He dished out his own salad.

“What makes you think gay men can’t be monogamous?” Tyler moaned as he ate.

“Because. Sex is too available. There’s a hot-looking stud on every corner offering blowjobs.”

“So? Just because it’s on offer doesn’t mean you take it. You think I took every offer I had? Give me a break.”

“And now?” Jordon chewed his food, staring at Tyler.

Shyly looking at his plate, Tyler replied, “I’m holding out for something really special.”

“Holding out?” Jordon laughed. The angry look Jordon received startled him. “How can you hold out? Come on, Tyler.”

“I have no interest in convincing you of my social ethics. It’s irrelevant between us.”

Jordon wished it weren’t and pushed the issue. “If it were relevant -- how would you convince me you’d be loyal and not open your zipper to every muscle-bound hunk who knelt before you?”

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“I couldn’t convince you.”

“Figures.” Jordon snorted in contempt.

“It takes trust, Mr. Buck. Trust, love, respect. All the things that make two people an exclusive couple. Perhaps it’s what you have with Fawn. Deep, adoring devotion. Undying love and honesty.”

About to choke at the fallacy, Jordon finished chewing first before he met Tyler’s eyes. “No one has that. It’s the stuff of dreams and fairy tales.”

Tyler appeared genuinely surprised. “Are you telling me you and Fawn don’t feel that way for each other? And you’re getting married?”

“Look how shocked you look. Come on, Tyler. Marriage isn’t for the prince and princess anymore. It’s just a decision you make when you’re ready to stop the endless search.”

“Please don’t tell me you believe that.”

“Why? Has planning weddings turned you into a romantic, Tyler?”

“Yes. It’s better than being the cynic you’ve become. How can you even consider marrying someone you aren’t madly, head over heels in love with?”

“Head over heels? Who the hell gets head over heels? Are you talking reality or Hollywood?” Could Tyler be that naïve?

“If that special person comes into my life, I’ll know it.”

“Will you? How? Will bells ring? Angels sing?”

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“Maybe you just know.”

“You sound like my mother.” Jordon stopped eating to stare at him. Tyler had a strange smile on his lips. “Fine. When you figure it out, will you tell me?”

“You’ll be the first to know.”

Jordon felt completely disoriented by Tyler’s impish grin. “Good. I think.”

“I never would have believed a man as powerful as you had lost your conviction. Everything to you is ‘maybe,’ ‘possibly,’ ‘I think.'”

“What the hell do you want from me?” Jordon grew annoyed. “I work hard. I try my damn best to be happy, to be a good person. I don’t do anything illegal. I’m tolerant. What the hell more can anyone ask of me?”

“Nothing.”

“Good. Now shut up and eat.”

“I have one last question.”

“Shoot.”

“When it’s quiet and you’re all alone, what do you ask of yourself, Jordon?”

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Again Jordon met Tyler’s gaze. The secret knowledge there petrified him. “Unfair. You’re cheating again.”

A low, rumbling laugh came from Tyler. “All’s fair in love and war.”

“Oh? Which are we in?”

“That’s another good question to ask yourself. Do it while you’re staring at my nude photo.”

“Tyler!” Jordon was terrified by the comment. His heart raced.

“Sorry. Pushed one line too far.” Tyler raised his hand in surrender. “I’ll wash up.”

“No. Just get this wedding crap done. I’m exhausted.”

“Now it’s wedding crap. Man, this ceremony just drips of love.”

Jordon rose up in anger. “Don’t do this. Don’t make this some kind of battle between us.”

“One question answered,” Tyler replied smugly. “War.”

Jordon was spent emotionally. He set the dish in the sink and propped himself up on the counter. “Look. Just make all the decisions yourself. Don’t worry about budget, just keep it under a hundred grand.”

Tyler choked. “A hundred grand? What the fuck do you want, gold confetti?”

Jordon spun around to him. “I trust you to make it a nice party.”

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“Good. Trust is a good thing.”

“Stop playing that game.”

Tyler rose up and approached Jordon menacingly. “What game, Buck?”

“Like there’s something between us,” Jordon growled. “Stop it!”

“What’s between us?” Tyler asked. “I’m your wedding planner, Jordon. What do you think is going on here?”

“Nothing! All right?” Jordon dug his hands through his own hair in frustration.

“Fine. If nothing is going on, why are you so angry?”

Falling apart, Jordon covered his face in shame.

“Baby…” Tyler touched his shoulder in comfort.

Jordon jerked away from him. “Go.”

“Jordon?”

“I said go!”

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Without another word or glance, Tyler folded his briefcase, stuffed it into his gym bag, and stormed to the door.

After it slammed shut, Jordon slid down against the cabinets to the marble floor and hid his face. He wished he could cry. He never was any good at it.

***

“Taxi!” Tyler flagged down a yellow cab. After he told the driver his address, Tyler mumbled, “Stupid son of a bitch. You don’t know what the fuck you want. You think you want this wedding? Fine. I’ll make you a fucking wedding. I’ll spend your money, I’ll fill a hall with flowers and guests. Fine. You stupid moron. How fucking blind can you be?”

***

Still slumped over, trying not to think, Jordon groaned and made it to his feet when the phone rang.

“Hello.” He looked at the mess he’d left in the kitchen in dismay.

“Guess what I got in the mail?”

“I don’t give a shit, Bryan.”

“Two triple-X videos; Bottom Upand Young and Listless.Yum, yum, starring… hmm, oh, that’s right! Tyler M. Holliday.”

“Get lost.”

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“Want me to come over? Want to watch him in it?”

“No. Go away.”

“Jordon? What the hell’s wrong? You know, the last time we spoke you sounded horrible, too. I’m beginning to worry about you.”

“Leave me alone.”

“Jordon! I’m coming over. What the hell is going on?”

“Don’t come over. I can’t face you or anyone else.”

“Fuck you. I’m on my way.”

When the line disconnected, Jordon shouted, “Bryan! Bryan?” Jordon redialed and heard him pick up. “I said, don’t come here.”

“Shut up. I’m already flagging down a cab.”

“I don’t want you here. Are you that stupid?”

“Yes. Shut up. Goodbye.”

“Bryan!” Jordon dialed again. Voice mail picked up. He slammed down the phone and grew furious, screaming profanities. He began cleaning up the kitchen so Bryan wouldn’t know two people had eaten dinner. Once that was done, he found the nude Tyler photo and was about to crumple it up when he hid it inside his closet instead.

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Jordon checked the second bathroom, feeling the damp towels, and threw up his hands. He couldn’t cover all the tracks. Tough. There was nothing he could do now.

When the phone rang again, Jordon raced to it. “Bryan?”

“No. Jordon, it’s me.”

“Tyler.” Jordon felt so sick he couldn’t think straight.

“I owe you an apology. You were kind enough to invite me in, feed me… let me work out with you, shower… Jordon, I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay.” Jordon wanted to crawl into Tyler’s arms so badly he was in agony.

“No. It’s unforgivable. I promise you, Jordon, I will make you the best goddamn wedding New York has ever seen.”

The conflict in him giving him a migraine, Jordon replied, “Just make it simple. Don’t go overboard.”

“Yes. Simple and classy. Promise.”

“Okay.”

“Am I forgiven, Mr. Buck?”

“Of course, Mr. Holliday.” A tear ran down Jordon’s face. He was so crazy about this man he ached.

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“Thank you.”

“Don’t mention it.”

“I’ll be in touch soon. Very soon. To update you on all the plans.”

“That’s fine.” Jordon felt something stirring in him that was akin to a dam breaking.

“I’m sorry, Jordon.”

The quivering began in his lip and his throat closed. This strong emotion was foreign to Jordon; the last time he had cried was at his grandfather’s funeral ten years ago. “It’s okay,” he pushed the words through his narrowing voice box.

“Thanks again. See ya.”

Unable to speak another word, Jordon hung up. He staggered to his bedroom and dropped to sit on his bed. Though water was running down his face, he felt as if he should sob, weep, do something else. Nothing else was happening.

“Can’t I even cry? What the hell have I become?”

“Jordon?”

“Oh, fuck no!” Jordon whined. “Go away, Bryan!” He wiped at his tears in panic.


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The minute Bryan came through the bedroom, he looked at Jordon in shock.

Jordon knew he wasn’t known for his emotion, and certainly Bryan had only seen him tear up, rather discreetly, at the last funeral.

“What the fuck is going on?” Bryan dove onto the bed and wrapped his arm around Jordon. “You’re scaring the crap out of me. What did Bridezilla do? Did the bitch finally cheat?”

Jordon choked at the irony and avoided his eyes. “Stop calling her that.”

“Jordon. Please. I know you too well. Nothing ruffles you. Nothing. I’ve seen you survive every drop of the market unfazed, every crisis you handle calmly and like a pro, and you’ve only cried at Grandpa’s funeral, and even that was one dab at the corner of your eye.”

“I begged you not to come. Why didn’t you listen to me?”

“Because I’m your brother and I love you. If I were a wreck, would you ignore me?”

Jordon got it. “Point taken.”

Bryan said, “I know it’s Fawn. I know she’s away. Did she call you and tell you something to hurt your feelings?”

“No. She’s been wonderful. We spoke, she misses me, we agreed on a date.”

Bryan looked perplexed. “Don’t tell me you have cancer.”

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“No. You idiot.” Jordon shoved him roughly.

“Are Mom and Dad okay?”

“Yes. See? All is fine. Go home.”

With a flop, Bryan dropped down on the mattress. “I won’t leave you alone until you tell me.”

“You’re a pain in the ass.”

“Oh, speaking of pains in the ass, and I mean that in a very good way, I got a MySpace friend invite from Adrian Tripp. Man, he’s cute.”

“He’s been hornier than a bitch in heat since his blowjob buddy quit.” Jordon lay on his side next to Bryan.

“How nice is he?”

“He’s delightful. A real cut up.”

“And a millionaire? For real?”

“Easily.”

“Wow. Sounds tempting.”

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“Go for it. I guarantee you’ll have a great time with him. He’s charming, hilarious, and sweet.”

“Mm.” Bryan smiled, staring at the ceiling.

“Can you go home now?”

“No. I’m staying until I figure out what happened to make you cry.”

“I was slicing up onions.”

“It does smell like fried onions and peppers. But I can tell you’re full of shit. Any leftovers?”

“No. Sorry. Did you finish the paella?”

“Yeah, me and Kerry polished it off.”

“Kerry?”

“The guy who plays Fenton in Hair .”

“Right. Go home.”

“Jordon!” Bryan rolled to his side to stare at him. “Sweetie…”

“Sweetie?” Jordon raised his eyebrow at him. “What am I now, a conquest?”

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“Brothers screwing? Is that like too weird for words?”

“Sick. Go away.” Jordon sat up, rubbed his face tiredly, and managed to get to his feet. He scuffed to the kitchen for ice water. As he passed the table he stopped short. “Bryan!”

“Ha. You found it.”

“Get them the hell out of my house.”

“No way.” Bryan picked up the two VHS tapes. “I want you to transfer them to DVD for me. I don’t have a tape player.”

“No!”

“Look at him.” Bryan held up the box. “Tyler was so damn pretty.”

“He was fucking fifteen! Get it the hell out of my sight.”

Bryan read the box. “No. It says no one in this film is under the age of eighteen. Look.”

Jordon shielded his eyes. “You think you’re helping me but you’re not. Go home!”

“Let me transfer them to DVD first.”

“Bryan!”

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“I’ll leave right after.” He headed to the den, sat on the floor, and plugged one into the tape player. “Get me a blank disk,” he shouted to Jordon who was now standing in the doorway.

“I don’t have any. Take that out of there and go.”

“You always have them.” Bryan dug around and found some in a cabinet. “Why do you lie?”

“Because you are intolerable.”

“Go to bed. I’ll watch it alone.”

“Fine. Lock up when you leave.”

As Jordon left the room, Bryan asked, “You seriously don’t want to see this pretty boy bottom?”

“Seriously.”

“Man, you really are straight as they come, Jordon.”

He left the room and washed up for bed, avoiding his red eyes in the mirror. He stripped down to his briefs, shut the door, turned off the lights, set the alarm clock, and crawled under the blankets. He felt so drained he hoped he could just drop off to sleep. The last thing he needed was to hear that movie coming through the wall.

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Chapter Seven

The alarm woke him. Jordon felt worn out. Completely exhausted. His head ached. Showered, shaved, and dressed, he headed to the kitchen to make coffee. On the table was a note.

I’ve got DVDs now. These are for you.

Under the paper were the two VHS tapes.

“Fuck, Bryan. No. I don’t want these here.” He winced, seeing Tyler in no way looking eighteen in them. Jordon aimed them for the trashcan, only at the last minute wondering if Tyler might want them. “No. I can’t do it.” He dumped them into the garbage, wishing they had never entered his domain. They sickened him. The sexual abuse of a boy that young under those circumstances was painful to him.

Right after handling them, he washed his hands as if the videos had left traces of their illegal acts on him.

Once he filled the coffee carafe and started the pot dripping, Jordon dropped down tiredly at the kitchen table, waiting for the pot to fill. He had no appetite. Not even for toast.

***

On his walk to his office, Jordon called Fawn. It was nearly impossible to touch base with her when she was flying. Jordon often wondered why she didn’t call him. How was he to know when she was off her plane and in a hotel room?

Her voice mail picked up. “Hey, babe, it’s me. I got us our date and Tyler is taking care of everything but the two items you want to pick out. Call me with a list of guests. I know it’s mostly family. I’ll call your mom and see what she suggests, but do you know who you want friend-wise? Anyway, don’t worry. It’s all under control. Miss you.” He hung up and stuffed the phone into his pocket.

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As he waited for the elevator, Jordon heard a familiar voice.

“Mr. Buck.”

Jordon smiled. “Mr. Tripp.”

They entered it together.

“Your brother and I have a date.”

“Do you?” Jordon pushed the button to the floor of their office.

“Yes. So? Will I get laid on my first date?”

“Yes.”

“Delightful.” Adrian shivered. “Wanna threesome?”

Jordon grimaced at him.

“Sorry. Poor taste? Not into incest?”

“Great. Now I’m sick to my stomach.”

“I have fantasies about a Buck sandwich.”

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“Adrian, please,” Jordon implored.

Adrian made a noise in frustration. “Does that mean I can’t boast to you about how good he is in the sack?”

“Spare me.” Jordon rushed out of the elevator when the doors slid back.

“I thought you had a fun side, Jordon,” Adrian called after him.

Jordon paused, confronting him. “Fun? Hearing details about my brother having gay sex? That’s pathetic coming from someone I thought had some class.”

“I am classy. We’ll lick champagne from each other’s navels.”

Jordon held up his hand in revulsion. “Go away, Adrian.” He closed himself into his office, taking off his jacket. He didn’t need to hear everyone around him was enjoying a better sex life than he was, did he?

***

“Call on line one, Mr. Buck.”

“Thank you, Faith.” Jordon connected the line. “Jordon Buck.”

“Tyler Holliday,” was echoed with the same serious monotone.

“Funny.” Jordon instantly felt warmth. “Yes? What can I do for you, Mr. Holliday?”

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“I’ll restrain from voicing my real feelings about that question and ask you how many guests you are planning to invite?”

Real feelings? Christ, tingles. Yes, my whole body just covered in them.

“I have no clue, Tyler. I left a message on Fawn’s phone and I’ll call both my mom and hers tonight to get their lists. Do you need a rough estimate?”

“How about a rough estimate soon and an exact figure with names and addresses within the week? You do realize how short notice this all is?”

“You have made me well aware of it.” Jordon replied.

“I will also book the photographer and the band shortly. My two best.”

“Good.”

“Also…”

“Yes?” Jordon had an urge to whisper taboo secrets to him, to nestle on the couch in his condo with him.

“Your brother emailed me about watching my movies.”

Jordon felt sick.

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“Could you tell him to get lost?” Tyler snarled.

“Be best if you did. He doesn’t listen to a frickin' thing I say.”

“I will.” Silence followed. “You... uh, doing that same workout at the gym later?”

“Yes. It’s my daily routine.”

“My fucking ass and calves are so sore I’m in agony.”

“Really?” Jordon licked his lips at Tyler talking about his ass. Jordon knew he had a terrible crush on this man.

“Yeah. I’m in sad shape.”

“Hardly.” Jordon laughed at the absurdity.

“Bet you’re not sore from it.”

“I’m used to it. I do it every day.” Jordon imagined massaging Tyler’s ass for him.

“You really are in amazing shape.”

Jordon noticed his second line light up. He didn’t want to hang up.

“I’d love to work out with you again… if it’s possible.”

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Jordon wanted that too, but knew it was a bad idea. “Uh…”

“Just as friends,” Tyler added quickly.

“Mr. Buck?” Faith poked her head in. “Fawn on line two.”

“Thanks, Faith.” He spoke into the phone, “Can you hold for a minute, Tyler? Or do you have to go?”

“Put me on hold.”

“Thanks.” Jordon hit the button, then connected to Fawn’s call. “Hello?”

“Hi, Jordy.”

“Did you get my message?”

“Yes. Say about twenty of my friends and Mom has around forty to fifty relatives.”

“Okay. We do need names and addresses.”

“She’ll give them to you. I told her who I want there.”

“Okay.”

“Anything else?”

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“Not at the moment. Tyler is on the other line. Anything you need me to ask him?’

“Ask him which place sells the best bridal gowns.”

“Got it.”

“See ya. I have to go. I’m at the airport on my way to my next connection.”

“See ya.” Jordon hit a button. “You still there?”

“For you? I’ll wait a lifetime.”

“Mr. Holliday, none of that talk,” Jordon chided, but he loved it. “It was Fawn on the other line.”

“And?”

“She said twenty friends and forty to fifty family members. That’s her side. I have to call my mom for mine.”

“Okay.”

“And she asked for a recommendation for a dress shop.”

“You want to write them down or for me to drop by with my list?”

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What do you think, hot stuff?

“I’m swamped at the moment,” Jordon replied.

“Can I… can I stop by? Just for a minute? I won’t stay long.”

“Sure. When?”

“You, uh… want to work out again?”

How can I resist you? How? “Meet me, four-ten sharp.”

“Yes, sir!”

Jordon could imagine Tyler saluting. “Goodbye, Tyler.”

“See ya, Jordon.”

***

Yes, he couldn’t wait to see Tyler again. He was a friend. Was it wrong to have friends? Fawn had them. Fawn went out drinking with hers, stayed with them overnight, got drunk with them, bought shoes with them…

Couldn’t he have friends too? Was there some kind of double standard?

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Jordon sprinted out of his office the minute the market closed. A hand grabbed Jordon’s arm through his suit jacket. Jordon almost dragged Adrian with him down the corridor.

“Hot date again?” Adrian asked as he jogged alongside Jordon.

“Workout.”

“You must have one hot workout buddy.”

“Mind your own business, Mr. Tripp, or I’ll tell my brother to cock tease you.”

“You would.”

“Damn straight.” Jordon stepped into the elevator, frantically pounding the lobby button when the door didn’t close fast enough for his liking.

“What should I wear?”

“A thong?” Jordon laughed.

“No. I mean smart casual? Jeans? What?”

“Jeans. Bryan’s not fancy.”

“You’re in a better mood. Good.”

“Just please, I beg you, don’t tell me one fucking tidbit about the two of you together. I’ll have recurring

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nightmares, I swear.”

“Promise.” Adrian held up his hand.

The minute the doors open, Jordon dashed out, “Bye!” barely hearing Adrian’s parting words.

He slowed down when he made it to his lobby. Jordon immediately spotted Tyler. Tight, light gray leggings, cut high on his thighs, and a matching gray tank top, just as tight, the same cotton-Lycra mix, showed every fucking bulge to perfection. If Tyler Holliday was dressing to seduce, it was working.

“Hey.” Tyler seemed shy suddenly.

“Hi.” Jordon wasn’t only in heat, he was blushing horribly.

“I brought a list of dress shops.”

“Great.” They entered the elevator and were silent.

Once they were in front of his condo door, Jordon said, “Two minutes.”

“No rush. Where should I put the list?”

“Anywhere. Be back.” Jordon loosened his tie as he closed the bedroom door. Under his breath he said, “Fine. You can look like that? So can I. What the hell do I have?” He crouched by his drawer and dug for something erotic.

***

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Once he placed the list on the kitchen table, Tyler set his gym bag down and was drawn to the window in the living room. The Manhattan skyline beckoned. It was hazy, the second week of August. Still too hot for his liking. Smog loomed on the horizon.

He heard the bedroom door and spun around, about to comment on the view. Tyler choked. Jordon was wearing a light blue t-shirt, the sleeves torn off high on his shoulders, cut to a bare midriff, and ripped in half at the neck. The logo was chopped up so badly, Tyler had no idea what it advertised and could care less. All of Jordon’s six-pack abs stood exposed right down to the dark, sultry hair on his pelvis where his miniscule navy blue gym shorts barely covered his balls and ass. The sides of the shorts were slit, revealing the hollows of his hips.

“Please tell me you have a sweatshirt to put over that outfit.”

“A sweatshirt? In this heat?” Jordon tilted his head. “Do you have any idea how much I sweat during that workout?”

After swallowing a dry gulp, Tyler nodded. “Yes. I do.”

“You ready?” Jordon tossed his towel over his shoulder in an easy, masculine gesture.

Speechless, Tyler hoped Jordon’s attire was meant to entice, seduce, because if Jordon Buck was just wearing that outfit because he was “hot,” Tyler knew that was a gross understatement.

Tyler crouched to retrieve his towel and could see his own erection very plainly through his gray leggings. He hid it with the terry cloth towel." The dress shop list is on the table.”

“Thanks.” Jordon grabbed his key ring, opening the door. He swept his hand gallantly, obviously signaling Tyler to leave first.

I can’t do this. This is insane. Why are we teasing each other to death? Why am I here again? I must be a fucking masochist.

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Tyler walked past him, half expecting a nice squeeze on his ass. It didn’t happen. He couldn’t help but be disappointed.

“How many guest visits am I entitled to?” Tyler attempted to keep this asexual. Someone had to. They were dressed for fornication.

“Until someone complains, who gives a shit?” Jordon barely nodded at the female attendant whose tongue rolled out the minute the two of them walked by.

Tyler claimed the same machine he'd used the day before, draping his towel on the rail. “I’m still fucking sore. I hope I can do this.”

“No pain. No gain.”

“You’re a fucking slave driver, Buck.”

“Go easy. No one’s telling you to compete with me. If ya can’t…”

Tyler caught that wicked smirk so plainly it was as if Jordon had written the line, Take the bait, chicken shit , across the LCD display on the treadmill. And he did. He took it. “Screw you. You think you can beat me this time? Haven’t I proven you can’t already?”

“I’m sore!” Jordon whined mockingly.

Tyler shook his head, almost muttering profanity aimed at that cockiness. “Bring it on, stockbroker.”

“I’m ready, wedding planner.”

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The machines programmed, they shouted “Go!” together.

The pain in Tyler’s legs and ass was instantly intolerable from the buildup of lactic acid from yesterday’s workout. But hell if he was going to be defeated. He could take pain. No big deal.

He heard Jordon’s wicked laugh. Tyler realized he was grimacing from the discomfort. “Fuck you.”

“In your dreams, bitch.”

Tyler said, “At least we cleared up who the top is.”

“Huh?”

“Never mind.” As he peeked at Jordon, it looked like the comment dawned on him. Tyler snickered at his shocked expression.

Alejandro appeared. He gaped at them in astonishment. “ Ay caramba! What are you two trying to do to me?” He rubbed his forehead. “For two men who are not trying to screw, you two are impossible! I need a cold shower looking at you.”

Tyler laughed and peeked at Jordon for his reaction. He was grinning demonically.

“What will you do next time? Come in bathing suits? Naked?”

“What are you talking about, Alejandro?” Jordon asked.

Tyler rolled his eyes at the folly. “He’s pretending he didn’t dress like that so everyone would admire his perfect fucking bod.”

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“I admire!” Alejandro replied. “And you! Who ‘you blaming of pretending to dress not to show off. Look at your pene grande !”

“Ha.” Jordon snorted as if accusing Tyler of seduction.

“Shut up and run.” Tyler started laughing. They were both guilty as sin. Tyler just didn’t know whether to love the sexual game, or hate it for its eternal cock tease.

“Ay, ay… if I look at you two now I will not be able to work out.” Alejandro waved at them as if he were shooing them away and walked off.

The comments left a permanent grin on Tyler’s face. He knew it. Confirmed.Thank you, Alejandro. And… thank fuck the soreness was leaving with the warming up of his muscles. As they hit the first hard incline and sprint upward, Tyler was ready.

Jordon kept glancing over at him.

“What now?” Tyler shouted as he panted.

“Just seeing if your sore ass is going to make you give up.”

“I’ll give you a sore ass,” Tyler muttered.

“I heard that.”

“Good!” Tyler grinned. He was beginning to adore that man. Too much. Way too much.

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***

Forty-five minutes later, Jordon was surprised Tyler hadn’t caved in to his aching muscles. He remembered his first few times running this challenging program and then dying, he was so damn sore. He doubted he could have done it twice, one day after the other, the first time. Tyler was one tough son of a bitch.

The final hill climb and sprint arrived. Jordon heard Tyler’s agony. “Keep going, Holliday, you’re there.” Tyler’s grunting made Jordon blushed as Jordon imagined Tyler made the same noise when he came. It was very sexy and masculine.

“Fuck!” Tyler cried when the cool down finally hit. He grabbed the rails and whimpered in pain.

The sound made the goose flesh rise on Jordon’s arms. It was way too arousing.

Both machines stopped simultaneously.

“Great job. I know how sore you were.” Jordon patted Tyler’s shoulder, feeling his soaked skin.

“Thanks. I thought you’d be pissed I didn’t give up.” He wiped the machine down.

“On the contrary.” Jordon tapped his arm. “Get a drink.”

When Tyler leaned over the fountain, Jordon “drank” in Tyler’s wet gray spandex. Nothing was concealed. Not a ripple, not a bulge. As Tyler shifted his weight to one leg, tipping forward and raising the other behind him, Jordon got a good look at his balls. This game was driving him out of his mind.

Tyler, still catching his breath, stepped back, wiping his mouth and neck with his towel. “Your turn.”

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Jordon stepped up to the tower fountain, depressing the metal button. He sucked the ice water down thirstily. He found Tyler ogling his every inch.

They stood together, recuperating, trying to breathe normally.

“Give me that.” Tyler took Jordon’s towel from him and ran it over Jordon’s naked abdomen, mopping up his pouring sweat.

As the dabbing dipped under his midriff to his chest, Jordon closed his eyes in bliss.

“You’re drenched.”

“I know.”

“What’s next? Weights? Crunches?”

Tyler draped the towel over Jordon’s shoulder, giving it back to him.

To repay his kindness, or maybe something else Jordon didn’t want to admit, he used his towel to wipe the running sweat off Tyler’s neck.

“Get a room,” some man sneered as he walked past.

Instantly they stepped back from each other.

“How about just some bench presses and we’ll call it a day?” Jordon dabbed his own perspiration after the stranger’s admonishment. He was dying of embarrassment and didn’t even entertain the idea of looking at the man who had uttered it.

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“Great.”

Jordon loaded up a bar with weights, draped his towel over the padded bench, and lay back on it. When he looked up, Tyler’s sweaty, gray-Lycra-covered nuts were hanging over his face. Jordon ogled the delightful package, licking the salt off his lips.

Tyler laughed softly. “Distracted, Buck?”

When Tyler swung his hips forward, those heavy balls were close enough to nip at, and Jordon wanted to. Very much. “Christ, why don’t you just sit on my face, Holliday. Geez.”

“Is that an invitation?” Tyler purred.

“You wish.”

“Lift the fucking weights, Jordon. Stop procrastinating.”

Jordon got a grip on the bar and had to force himself to stop leering at the outline of that amazing set of genitalia. He made a half-ass attempt at a few repetitions, replaced the bar, and sat up. “Maybe I’m not into this.”

“Let me just do two sets and we’re done.”

Jordon stood.

“Leave your towel. I don’t mind your sweat on me.” Tyler stayed his hand before Jordon tugged the towel off.

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Jordon stood behind the bar the way Tyler had. After Tyler took a good look at Jordon’s crotch, he pumped ten quick reps. He paused for a mini-break, and repeated it. “Good enough. You know, that run takes it out of me. It’s hard to keep going after fifty minutes of torture.”

Torture?Jordon choked silently. You want to know what torture is, my friend? “Let’s go.” Jordon waited for Tyler to stand. They replaced the weights, grabbed their towels, and left the gym.

On their walk down the long corridor, Tyler said, “You watching more Olympics tonight?”

“I’d love to. I really enjoy it. Any track and field on? Do you know?”

“We can check the listing.”

Jordon put his key in his lock.

“Yankees or Mets?” Tyler asked playfully.

As he opened the door, Jordon laughed, “Yanks.”

“Jeter or Rodriguez?”

“Jeter,” Jordon replied, grinning at Tyler.

“Ahh! Knew it!” Tyler grabbed Jordon around the neck to roughhouse with him.

“What? You’re a Mets fan?” Jordon wrestled him back, laughing.

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“Nope. Yanks. Love Jeter. A-Rod lost me with his Madonna shit.”

“Good thing you’re not a Mets fan,” Jordon teased, tussling Tyler around. “I’d have to kick yer ass.”

Tyler wrapped his arms around Jordon’s waist, picking him up off the ground. “You think you can kick my ass, runt?”

“Runt! Who you callin’ runt? What? You think you’re bigger than me ‘cause you’re a cocky bastard?”

“I am bigger than you, Buck!”

Jordon grabbed him around the neck roughly. “Like hell. Bigger ego, maybe!”

“How tall are you, Buckie?”

“Buckie?” Jordon choked in a laugh and they started scrapping playfully. “Six-fucking-one!”

“I’m six-fucking-three!”

“In high heels you are!” Jordon laughed, battling Tyler’s powerful grip.

“High heels? High heels ?” Tyler choked with indignation. “Six-three, two-twenty, Buck! Hear it and weep!” Tyler grappled with him, trying to pick him up again. “What are you? Do you even weigh two hundred, Buckie?”

Knowing he weighed one ninety, Jordon started laughing. “Shut up.”

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“Ha! Don’t even weigh two? Put some meat on your bones, lady.”

“You’re the damn lady, not me,” Jordon roared with laughter. It was just too much fun!

“Depends who’s topping, hot stuff.”

“Huh?” Jordon chuckled, but was lost. “You’re so damn sure of yourself, aren’t ya, Holliday?”

“I’m damn sure I can beat you at weight lifting, or anything else that requires muscle, Buck.”

Jordon stepped up the violence slightly, going into college wrestling mode. “You ain’t so strong, Holly.”

“Holly?” Tyler choked with laughter.

“What the hell’d ya call me Buckie for?”

“You getting rough, mister? Think you’re tough?”

“Yeah, I’m tough. Tougher than you, ya bastard.”

Then to Jordon’s astonishment, Tyler picked him up off the floor, carried him to the bedroom and threw him on the bed in his bedroom in a classic Olympic-wrestling-style move. The minute Jordon was prone, Tyler crushed him to the bed under him.

“Augh! You wrestled?” Jordon gasped in shock.

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“Metro wrestling freestyle champ 2006!” Tyler flipped Jordon over and pinned his shoulders easily to the mattress.

“No way!” Jordon was impressed. “Is that the truth?”

“It is.” Tyler grinned.

“Christ, you are so amazing. I wrestled in both high school and college. Loved it.”

“Come down to the club. We’ll have a bout.”

“Can we do that?”

“Of course!” Tyler said.

“I would love that.” Jordon beamed at him.

“I know what I'd love,” Tyler hissed.

Suddenly realizing they were overlapping on the bed, Jordon stared at Tyler’s soft blue eyes. “I can’t, Tyler.”

“I know.” Tyler released a long deep sigh.

Tentatively, Jordon raised his hand. It hovered for a moment near Tyler’s face. Tyler’s eyes never wavered from their connection to his. As slowly as if he were a child touching someone for the first time, Jordon brushed his hand over Tyler’s thick black hair.

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Instantly, Tyler let out a breathy sound, full of longing, and leaned into the caress.

“I can’t believe how beautiful you are,” Jordon whispered.

Tyler lowered his long dark eyelashes and begged, “Don’t start something you can’t finish. I can’t take it, Jordon. I want you too much.”

As slowly as he had raised it, Jordon lowered his arm back to the bed. They held each other, still resting on each other, staring at what they couldn’t have.

“I…” Jordon’s voice sounded distant, even to him. “I have enjoyed our time. I really have.”

“Me too. I can’t tell you how much I like being with you.”

“I can’t believe how easy you are to talk to, Tyler.” Jordon had that urge to stroke back his hair from his face again, but fought it. Tyler was chewing his bottom lip, as if he, too, were holding back his own temptations. “You’re fun. Playful. And delightful to discuss things with. I mean that.”

“Jordon, please.” Tyler looked away.

“I’m not trying to hurt you. I just mean these things. It would be wrong to feel them and not say them.”

At that comment, Tyler met his eyes again and the stare was so intense, it made Jordon’s pulse rocket. “Does that mean I can say things to you? The things I’m feeling?”

That statement was so full of warning it terrified Jordon. But he was dying to hear it. “Yes. Tell me.”

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Tyler shifted his weight so they pressed their chests even closer. Tyler whispered, “I’ve spent ten years wishing someone would mean something to me. That that person would see me as I am and not hold any preconceived notions or expectations. Or worse, demean me and throw my past in my face.”

Jordon felt their hearts pounding against each other through the thin fabrics of their sweaty shirts.

“I met a man who is so kind and generous, so honest and giving, I can’t say I’ve ever known anyone like him.”

Jordon began to get confused as to whom Tyler was referring.

“I’m crazy, Jordon. I know I am.”

“Who is this guy?”

After a smile in amusement, Tyler whispered, “You.”

Jordon went into the worst mixture of elation and fear he had ever experienced. Denying it with a shake of his head, he said, “I can’t.”

“I know.”

They didn’t move. Lying together, staring at each other on a bed, they were alone. Alone, but with each other.

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Chapter Eight

Once they had showered and changed, Jordon met Tyler in the living room. “I can make a light dinner. We can watch the games.”

“You sure?”

“Absolutely, Tyler. We’re friends.”

Tyler admitted, “I wouldn’t mind another sample of your cooking.”

“Christ, I hope I have something left. I have to go shopping.”

“Let’s call for takeout. I didn’t mean to imply you had to work.”

“No. I love it. Let me have a look at what I’ve got.” Jordon poked his head in the fridge. “Want wine? Beer?”

“You have a beer?”

“I have two.” Jordon smiled. “You like Belgian beer?”

Tyler made a face at him like it was a crazy question. “Belgian beer?”

Jordon put the two bottles on the counter, removed iced pint glasses from the freezer, and filled them up.

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“Let me see the bottle.” Tyler reached out for it. When Jordon handed it to him, Tyler read the label. “Alken Maes. Never heard of it.”

“Taste.”

Tyler raised the frosty glass to his lips, sipping it. “Nice. Wow.”

“Cheers.” Jordon toasted him.

“Cheers.” Tyler gave him an adoring glance. “How did you end up being such a renaissance man, Jordon? Money?”

Jordon put the glass down and produced a bag of frozen, raw butterfly shrimp from the freezer, dropping it on the counter. Once he took out a colander and defrosted the shrimp under hot water, he replied, “Maybe. Or my parents’ influence. They were well traveled, so Bryan and I are, too.”

“But you’re so grounded. It’s not what I usually find in exceptional men.”

Jordon met his eyes instantly. “What do you find?”

“Conceit and ego.”

“You’ve been with a lot of men, haven’t you, Tyler?” Jordon began cleaning the large shrimp.

“What do you consider a lot?” Tyler wasn’t smiling.

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“Ten?”

“Shut the fuck up. Ten?” Tyler frowned at him. “How many women have you screwed?”

Jordon took a moment to consider the question, doing a mental count. It was certainly more than ten. “Perhaps that was low balling.”

“Ya think?” Tyler made a face at him.

It made Jordon chuckle. He tossed the shrimp into a bowl as he cleaned them.

“And most of the men I was with were ten years ago.”

“Were you safe?” Jordon met his eyes again.

“Very. Clean as a whistle. The porn industry is fanatic about safe sex, Jordon.”

“Glad to hear it.”

“Why? What difference will it make if we never make love?”

“Just because we may never have sex doesn’t mean I want to see you ill.” Jordon wiped his hands on a paper towel, dug through a cupboard, and took out a box of risotto.

“May? Did you say we ‘may’ never have sex, as in it’s possible?”

Jordon put the rice in a frying pan of butter and olive oil, and gave Tyler a look of exasperation. “How

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can we make love?”

Tyler choked. “You need instructions?”

“Believe me, I would!” Jordon laughed.

“Here they are. Point dick at hole. Enter. Ooh, big mystery.”

Jordon stirred the rice, chuckling. “You crack me up.”

“You frustrate the living shit out of me, Buck.”

“I don’t mean to.”

“I know. Hey, you got another one of those Fanny Maes?”

Jordon coughed with laughter and corrected, “Alken Maes. And no. Have mine.” He handed his over.

“You sure?”

“I’m sure.”

“You got anything contagious?” Tyler teased.

“Yes. My wit and personality.”

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“I’ll take a chance on those.” Tyler sipped the beer. “That smells amazing. What are you ‘whipping up’ now?”

“Shrimp risotto.”

“You do realize every time you cook dinner for me, I only love you more.”

Jordon blushed at the incredible compliment and peeked over his shoulder at Tyler while he tended the rice. “My, Mr. Holliday, you certainly know how to sweep a girl off her feet.”

“Uh-uh. You’re the man in this family, honey.”

Then it occurred to Jordon how all of Tyler’s references were about being the lady. He’s the perfect fucking bottom! He’s big and brawny and loves it up the ass! “God, that just makes me tingle.”

“Sorry?” Tyler leaned closer. “I didn’t catch what you said.”

“Good.”

“Was it naughty?” Tyler asked.

“Yes. Never mind.”

“Tell me.”

“No.”

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“Tell me.”

Jordon broke up with laughter and was about to say “no” again when he found Tyler standing right behind him. Instead of announcing it, he whispered sensuously, “No.”

A low, frustrated moan came out of Tyler. It was so filled with craving it made Jordon’s skin prickle.

“Sit,” Jordon ordered.

“I hate Fawn!” Tyler dropped back down on his chair, sucking at his Belgian beer.

Though that should have made him angry and defensive, Jordon just smiled.

***

Tyler was sated on gourmet fare. The meal was restaurant quality, or better, depending on the restaurant.

Jordon made himself comfortable on the sofa in the den, using the remote to turn on the big screen plasma television. Instantly, track and field events appeared.

“Perfect.” Tyler looked back to where Jordon was sitting. In order to be able to touch him, “innocently,” Tyler sat on the soft pile rug, propped up between Jordon’s straddled legs. With both his arms, he rested them on top of Jordon’s knees. “Love pole vault. No twinks here. These are men. Big, gorgeous, men.”

Jordon chuckled.

“You mind me down here?” Tyler looked over his shoulder at him.

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“As long as you’re comfortable. You want a cushion?”

“Sure.”

Jordon tossed him a throw pillow.

Tyler stuck it under his rump. It raised Tyler up so his arms were more relaxed on Jordon’s lap. “Watch this guy. I’ve seen him in the Euro competitions. Israeli. To fucking die for.” Tyler peered back again and asked, “You mind me making comments like that?”

“No. Not in the least.”

“I’m glad you have a gay brother. He broke you in. Not like I would, but he got you in the right direction.” Tyler grinned impishly.

“Look. He’s going to vault.” Jordon pointed.

Tyler’s innuendo was diverted but Tyler knew Jordon heard it. Tyler knew Jordon was aware he was hot for him.

“Nice.”

“Check out the quads on them. All these guys are so incredibly tall.” Tyler used Jordon’s legs as arm supports. It was perfect, and very comfortable.

The phone rang. Tyler ignored it, riveted to the action on the television.

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“Hello? Hi, Bryan. I’m fine… Watching the games.”

Tyler smiled contentedly. When he felt Jordon’s fingers combing through the back of his hair, it stunned Tyler. He shivered in pleasure. As Jordon conversed with his brother, he caressed Tyler gently.

“Everything is just fine.” Jordon squeezed his knees together, giving Tyler a hug with them. Tyler gave Jordon’s legs a squeeze back.

“I don’t want to hear about them, Bryan. I told you why. Please, don’t go into detail about those films!”

Tyler spun around meeting Jordon’s brown eyes. Jordon appeared furious. His brows were knotted.

“I told you to throw them out! Yes, I did! Bryan, I’m going to hang up and I don’t want you racing over here. When I say no, I mean no. You got that?”

Jordon shook his head at Tyler as if to say, don’t worry about it. Jordon poked Tyler and pointed to the television. Another Greek god was running with the long pole.

“Fine. Tell me about your date with Adrian. Not the gory details, just in general.”

Tyler rested his head on his arms on top of Jordon’s thigh, laying his cheek down. He watched the events, feeling lazy and at ease. The light stroking of his hair resumed.

“I’m glad. Yes, Adrian is a very good man… yes.”

Tyler rolled his face downward and kissed Jordon’s leg through his jeans discreetly, nestling back to his original position of watching the set.

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“Let me go. Okay, Bryan. Thanks for calling. Bye.”

When Jordon hung up, Tyler shifted to get more comfortable on his leg. “Is it okay I’m doing this, Jordon?”

“Yes.”

“Good.” Tyler snuck another kiss of Jordon’s knee, smiling happily.

***

His eyes growing heavy, Jordon stifled a yawn. It was nearing eleven. “You awake?”

“Barely.”

“I have to get to bed. Work tomorrow.”

With a great effort, Tyler made it to his feet as Jordon shut off the set.

When he walked Tyler out of the room, Jordon noticed the list of bridal shops on the table. They hadn’t spoken much about the wedding plans. Oh, well.

Tyler collected his gym bag and looked around distractedly. “Am I forgetting anything?”

“If you do, I’ll get it to you tomorrow.”

“Good. Thanks.”

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“You… you want to meet for a workout again?”

“That would be great.” Tyler smiled sleepily.

They stood at the door. “Should I call you a cab?”

“I can get the hotel concierge to call one if there’s none around.”

“Yes. Good.”

“So.” Tyler stood awkwardly. “I had a great night. Thanks again for dinner. One of these days I’ll have to take you out to repay you.”

“All right.” Jordon smiled.

Tyler paused, holding out his arms, the bag still in his hand.

Though Jordon hesitated at first, Jordon just ended up falling against Tyler heavily. They hugged, rocking side to side. It felt so wonderful. Jordon could sleep in Tyler’s arms.

“Goodnight, Mr. Buck.” Tyler kissed Jordon’s neck.

“Night, Mr. Holliday.” Jordon stepped back from him, seeing his sad smile.

He waited as Tyler caught the elevator, giving him a small wave. When he closed and locked the door, he couldn’t wipe the dreamy grin from his face.

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Chapter Nine

The next day, Jordon walked briskly past the New York Stock Exchange’s classical revival, columned front entrance. His office building was one door down from it. When his cell phone rang, he flipped it open and stuck it to his ear. “Hello?”

“I got your message, Jordon. I can give you my list of names and addresses today if you would like.”

“Great. Thanks, Mom.” Jordon paused in the lobby.

“When do you want me to drop by?”

His face felt boiling hot suddenly. What if his mother stopped by to find Tyler in his skimpy workout outfit? “You know what, Mom? Mail it to me.”

“Mail it? That’s silly, Jordon.”

“Then wait until the weekend when Fawn is here and I have more time.”

“Okay. Are you all right? After that conversation we had--”

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“I’m fine. I have to go.”

“Okay, Jordon. Call me when Fawn is back.”

“I will.” He hung up and walked to the elevators. When he stepped around the corner, Adrian was waiting for him. “Mr. Tripp.” He smiled.

“Mr. Buck.” Adrian pushed the button to go up.

Once they were inside, Adrian purred, “Your brother is divine.”

Jordon held up his hand. “You promised.”

“We’re meeting tonight to watch old porn movies together.”

“Christ,” Jordon snarled, knowing which movies.

“He said Tyler Holliday is your wedding planner.”

The doors opened and Jordon stepped out, trying to evade the conversation by walking ahead of him. It didn’t work. Adrian closed them into Jordon’s office together.

“I want to know every detail about that mouth-watering piece of ass you can give me.”

The pity Jordon felt for Tyler’s situation made him both sick and angry. “I have always been civil to you, Mr. Tripp.”

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Adrian appeared surprised at the disclaimer.

“But if you ask me about Mr. Holliday, or even think of emailing and harassing that man, I will not be civil any longer. On the contrary, Adrian. Do I make myself clear?”

“Well, well!” Adrian raised his eyebrows. “You don’t even react with this kind of passion about the market. Or your fiancée, for that matter.”

“I have work to do.” Jordon sat at his desk and turned on his computer.

Adrian glided toward Jordon and propped himself up on both his arms as he leaned closer. “I adore you, Jordon, and I would never dream of jeopardizing our friendship.”

“Thank you, Adrian.” Jordon was afraid to meet his eyes.

“Tyler Holliday is a lucky fellow to have made a friend as fiercely loyal to him as you. I envy him.”

Jordon was beginning to crash and burn inside and wanted Adrian to leave. “Thank you.” He placed his telephone headset on and dialed, but it was a random number.

“Later, Mr. Buck.”

“Bye, Adrian.” The minute Adrian left, Jordon disconnected the line and tossed his headset down, gazing out of the window.

***

Tyler sat in his office with his calendar spread out on his desk, penciling in, erasing, and checking his

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computer emails. He had six weddings to plan at the moment, and a dozen more inquiries waiting in his inbox. All but one wedding were going as planned. They were scheduled for next summer, all the dates were available, and the timetable was stress-free. One, however, was rushed, left without any decisions to be made by anyone but him, and all the credit or blame would certainly fall on his shoulders.

“Jordon, what are you doing to me?” Tyler hissed. He picked up the phone and dialed, staring at the stacks of bridal magazines piled haphazardly on a chair, a corkboard wallpapered with menus and sample invitations, and a file cabinet that had another pile of invoices needing to be alphabetized.

“Mizzy’s Studio, how can I help you?”

“Hi, Debbie. Tyler Holliday here from Designs On You.”

“Hi, Tyler, what can I do for you?”

“I have a wedding scheduled the week before Christmas--”

“This Christmas?”

Tyler rubbed his forehead in annoyance, knowing this was going to be a challenge. “Yes. Sorry, Deb. Am I out of luck for using you guys?”

“Hang on. Let me see who’s free. Can you hold?”

“Yes. Thanks.” Tyler began ranting silently about Jordon’s indifference to details. How was he supposed to decide what size fucking portrait they wanted on their wall?

“Buzz is available. Is he okay?” Debbie asked.

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“Fine. I can’t be picky, Deb.”

“I’ll book him. What date?”

“Crap.”

“Crap?” She laughed.

“What’s the Saturday before Christmas? Hang on, I’ve got the stupid calendar under my elbows. Deb, I’m not thinking straight. Here it is. December twentieth. Sorry.”

“No problem. What time?”

Tyler groaned, needing Jordon to decide these details so no blame could land on him. Tyler threw up his hand. “Noon. Tell him noon.”

“Good. Noon. Do you have the specifications of what they want?”

“Give me the standard package.”

“Really?”

“Yes. Really. Deb, this couple is either too busy or they simply don’t give a shit about this wedding.” When she started laughing, he did too. “Crazy huh?”

“Yes. We deal with the opposite, Tyler. You know that.”

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“I’m petrified because of their lack of input. I have a bad feeling that all their disappointment will be laid on me.”

“Hey, screw them. They give you five fucking months? And no details? You have to be kidding, Tyler. Why did you even take the job?”

“It’s work.” He shrugged.

“Good luck. I have you penciled in with Buzz on the twentieth of December. If this couple doesn’t make it that far, call me and I’ll cancel. And I wouldn’t mind at least three weeks' notice.”

“I’ll do my best, Deb. Thanks.” He hung up, ran his hand though his hair, and wrote the information down on the calendar. He dropped the pencil onto the desk and rested his chin on his palm, staring into space. “Are you going to make it that far, Jordon?” Tyler mused.

He stared at his phone. The yearning to hear Jordon’s voice was too strong to ignore, so he picked it up, dialing, knowing all Jordon’s contact information by heart.

“Jordon Buck.”

“Mr. Buck…” Tyler couldn’t help but purr. He began writhing in his chair.

“Mr. Holliday.”

“I booked your photographer.”

“Good. Thank you.”

“I told them a standard package.”

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“That’s fine.”

“I assume you want an eleven by fourteen for your wall.” Silence followed. “Did you go somewhere?”

“No. I’m here.”

“No wall photos?”

“Uh, don’t bother with that. Just a photo album is fine.”

Tyler choked. He didn’t know what to say. Finally he asked, “Are you sure Fawn won’t want a photo to display on your wall?”

“My wall?”

Tyler was completely confused. “Is this Jordon Buck, the guy whose wedding I’m planning?”

“What’s your point, Tyler?”

“My point is your wife will want a memento of the big day, framed and onyour wall, which includesher wall once she moves into your luxury condo on Wall Street.” What am I missing here?

“Oh. Right.”

“Oh, right?” Tyler was about to explode. “Jordon!”

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“Are we still on for our workout? I checked the schedule for the games tonight. More track and field. The men’s five hundred, as well as the triple and long jump…”

“Jordon?”

“What?”

“Do you want an eleven by fourteen portrait for your wall?”

“Sure. Okay. So? I can pick up some more of that Belgian beer on the way home if you want. I’ve placed an order for groceries over the net, so I’ll have the concierge let the delivery guy in and stock the larder while I’m at work.”

Tyler was almost too stunned to reply. Wedding? What wedding? Jordon was planning their next date with more zeal than the “big day” with his betrothed. It couldn’t be more obvious what was going on. But somehow Jordon couldn’t see the forest through the trees. Or was the biggest closet case Tyler had ever met.

“I bought fresh sea scallops,” Jordon continued happily. “I’ll make a light cream sauce with saffron. You ever have quinoa?”

What was Tyler supposed to say? No? Shut up and get this excited about your wife-to-be? Not on your life!

“Perfect. Can’t wait, Jordon. Can I bring something?”

“Just wear clothes, not intimate apparel.”

Tyler couldn’t hold his laughter in. He roared with hilarity and crouched over his lap behind his desk.

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Jordon’s chuckle came over the phone line. “I can say the same to you!”

“Fair enough.”

Tyler wanted to crawl through the phone lines to touch him. “Jordon Buck, what will I do with you?”

“Let me get to my ringing phones. Look, wait for me. If I stop off for the beer, I’ll be five minutes longer.”

“I’ll wait for you, my friend,” Tyler replied.

“See you later, babe.”

“Bye.” When Tyler hung up, he felt like a teenage boy in love with a pop idol. “Babe?” he gasped. “Did he just call me ‘babe’?”

***

The six-pack cradled in his arm as he strutted down the sunny avenue, Jordon was pumped for their next workout and dinner. He came through his lobby, seeing beautiful Tyler waiting for him in a more conservative outfit. Jordon was about to hurry to greet him when Jordon heard his name. He spun around and found his mother rushing over to him from her seat at the leather sectional by the window.

“Jordon.”

“Mom? What are you doing here?” He glanced back at Tyler and caught him stopping short before making his presence known.

“I just thought it was silly to wait until the weekend. I have the list in my purse.” She began digging.

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“Let’s go up to your place.” She touched his elbow.

“I… I need to work out first.” Jordon gave Tyler a helpless look.

“I know.”

“Just give me the list here.” He reached out his hand.

She appeared disappointed as she dropped it into his hand. “Who is that man staring at us?”

Jordon jerked his head in the direction of her gesture, knowing damn well his mother and his wedding planner would meet eventually. Jordon had no intention of being wrapped up in lies. He detested that trap. “That’s my wedding planner.”

“Oh?” The look in her eyes screamed, Ah ha !

Jordon thought about their last conversation about men making passes at him. Jordon didn’t even want to try and convince her she was wrong. “Let me introduce you.” He shoved the paperwork into the bag with the beer and approached Tyler.

“Tyler Holliday, this is my mother, Maureen.”

“Nice to meet you, Maureen.” Tyler took her outstretched hand.

“You too. Do you live in the building?”

As Tyler looked to Jordon to see how much he should reveal, Jordon, once again, came clean. “We’re workout partners now. We hit the gym, then I cook us a light dinner.”

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“I see.”

And Jordon knew damn well she did. Bryan had taught her well about men who love men and the mothers who own them.

“That’s wonderful.” Maureen seemed to be lost in Tyler’s eyes. And as if to prove Jordon right, she gushed, “You have the most beautiful baby blues I have ever seen, Tyler.”

Instantly Tyler’s cheeks went crimson. “Thank you, Maureen.”

“I just gave my son the addresses for our guest list.” She had the worst ironic smile on her face.

Jordon knew she knew. But what she didn’t know was they hadn’t done what she thought they had done. Does that make sense? But she sure as shit suspects us .

“Good.” Tyler nodded. “I’ve booked their photographer, and when Fawn gets back we’ll design the menu.”

“Yes. When Fawn gets back,” Maureen replied with biting wit.

Jordon was going to die.

“I won’t keep you. Nice meeting you, Tyler. Enjoy the evening with my son. He does get lonely when Fawn is out of town.”

As she left, looking back over her shoulder with a devilish grin, Jordon had the urge to run after her and tell her they were not having the affair she obviously assumed they were.

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“What a delightful woman.”

“She’s a pistol.” Jordon headed to the elevator.

When they were once again standing at Jordon’s door, Tyler took the beer from him so Jordon could use his key in the lock.

“Thanks,” Jordon whispered, suddenly feeling shy with the notion that his mother thought he and this man were making love. Did she hate Fawn that much? Or had Bryan converted her into thinking men needed men in their lives? He had no idea.

“So? Sea scallops with quinoa? I can hardly wait.” Tyler set the package down on the counter, loaded the beer into the fridge, and placed the guest list on the table with the list of wedding shops, which still sat where he had originally dropped it.

“Good. I’ll be right out.”

“I’ll be here.”

Jordon gave Tyler a kind smile and entered his bedroom to change.

The workout was delicious. Jordon loved the competition and camaraderie, not to mention the luscious scent of Tyler’s sweat. He was hooked on it.

When they came through his door, Jordon laughed as Tyler once again teased him about sporting teams on their way to his bedroom.

“Giants or Jets?” Tyler grabbed Jordon around the neck from behind.

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“Jets.” Jordon tried to keep his balance with this beast of a man on his back.

“Ainge or Caulcrick?” Tyler started to get Jordon into a wrestling half-nelson.

“Hard choice. Don’t we always opt for the QB?” Jordon struggled to get out of Tyler’s grip, then wondered if he wanted to.

“Jehuu Caulcrick’s a beaut…come on.”

“Yeah, but Ainge is six-foot-five, two twenty. One heap o’big man, Tyler.” Jordon stuck his nose into Tyler’s armpit since it was wrapped around his head. He gave it a deep inhale and moaned in pleasure before he realized what he was doing.

A demonic laugh followed. “You wanna lick it too?”

“Get off me.”

“I’m getting off on you.” Tyler took a big whiff of Jordon’s skin and moaned just like Jordon had, only louder.

Jordon reached between Tyler’s legs with one arm, and around his back with his other, using the “scoop” wrestling maneuver. Jordon lifted Tyler off the floor so he was lying across Jordon's chest. Hefting the big man up took effort, particularly after the run on the treadmill.

“You amazing son of a bitch!” Tyler didn’t struggle, but seemed astounded Jordon could pick him up.

Jordon tossed him on his bed with a bounce, catching his breath as he stared down at him. It was only when he did a sweep of Tyler’s body that he realized the grip over Tyler’s crotch had given him an erection. Tyler did nothing to show he was humiliated by it, nor did he hide it.

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“I want a bout with you.” Tyler’s eyes were on fire. “When? Let me call and get us a spot on the schedule.”

Unlike Tyler, Jordon’s hard on was causing him embarrassment, so he sat down to conceal it. “What club is it again?”

“Metro. Metro wrestling.”

“Never heard of it. You can just set up bouts?”

“They have practice times, but if you want, we can do the whole thing. You know, get geared up.”

“With people watching us?”

“Yes.”

“No fucking way.” Jordon wasn’t going to flaunt his attraction to Tyler in public. Not around a group of macho wrestlers.

“Why not?” Tyler seemed disappointed.

As if to prove his point, Jordon raised his hands off his lap. “This is why not.”

“You don’t have to worry, Jordon,” Tyler chuckled softly.

“I’m not going to allow myself the public humiliation, Tyler.”

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“Jordon.”

“What.”

“Jordon, look at me.”

After hiding his crotch again, Jordon did.

“It’s a gay wrestling group.”

It took a minute to sink in. “No way.”

“Yes. Men get hard all the time.”

Jolted by the information, Jordon stood and pointed at the bathroom. “I’m going to shower and get dinner started.”

Tyler exhaled loudly in what sounded like frustration, then replied, “Okay,” as he climbed off the bed. “See ya in a few.”

***

When Tyler finished in the bathroom, he found Jordon busy at the stove. The scent of seared scallops in butter made his stomach grumble.

“Grab a beer, Tyler,” Jordon said as he flipped the large scallops in the pan, sending them flying high.

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“You want one?”

“Definitely. Iced pint glasses in the freezer.”

As he cranked off the tops of the bottles with an opener, Tyler announced, “Alken Maes. I’m hooked.”

“Don’t get hooked. There are hundreds of Belgian beers to fall in love with.”

“Yeah?” Tyler filled the glasses up, avoiding a foamy head by tilting them. “Where did you discover them?”

“On a trip to London. There’s a restaurant called Belgos. The place was addicting. I found a liquor store that special orders all sorts of beers for me.”

“Nice.” Tyler held out Jordon’s glass.

“Just set it on the table. Thanks.”

After Tyler made himself comfortable, he asked, “How often do you hear from Fawn when she’s away? Does she call you every day?”

“When she can. She’s on the planes more than she’s on the ground.”

“When did you say she would be back?” Tyler was dreading it.

“Saturday. I can’t remember what time.”

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“Does that mean our workout slash dinner routine is over?”

Jordon paused in his cooking and glanced over his shoulder. “I don’t know.”

“Does she work out with you?”

“No. She never does. She can’t stand it. Says she hates being sweaty.”

Tyler shook his head, trying to refrain from a derogatory comment, but it was tough.

A minute later Jordon set a plate of steaming food before Tyler.

“Damn!” Tyler inhaled the aroma.

“Have you had quinoa before?” Jordon joined him, taking a sip of his beer.

“I have. Quinoa salad. Not like this though. And not with saffron scallops. Jesus, Jordon! By spoiling me, you’re ruining my chances with every other man on the planet.”

“Sorry.” Jordon laughed softly.

Tyler devoured one of the scallops, moaning in delight. “Tender. Cooked to perfection.”

“Thanks.”

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“If you get tired of the markets, you could easily make it as a chef.”

“That’s never going to happen. I have no interest in that lifestyle.” Jordon ate hungrily.

“Uh… am I staying to watch the games?”

“Sure. Unless you have some place else to go.”

Tyler replied, “No place I’d rather be.”

“Good.” Jordon returned his smile.

After he helped with the dishes, Tyler followed Jordon to the den.

“Are you going to sit on the floor again?” Jordon asked with a wry smile.

“Where do you want me?”

“Sit on the couch. It can’t be comfortable on the floor.”

Tyler relaxed, bending one of his legs under him. He hadn’t put his shoes on since he had undressed for the shower. Neither of them had. When Jordon relaxed on the sofa next to him, pointing the remote at the plasma television screen, Tyler watched his profile, waiting for him to stop moving and get comfy.

The minute he had, Tyler stretched out on the cushions, laying his head on Jordon’s lap. “This okay?” he asked, staring up at Jordon’s slightly surprised expression. “I can get up.”

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Jordon whispered, “It’s okay.”

Tyler nestled in, pressing his ear against Jordon’s thigh, wanting it to be his crotch, but thinking that would be pushing his luck. Tyler stared at the TV and the beautiful athletes with their perfect bodies.

“Men’s hundred,” Jordon said. “My money’s on Tyson Gay.”

“He’s fucking awesome.” When Jordon’s hand began stroking Tyler’s hair, Tyler smiled. He had been hoping Jordon would touch him. It was one of the reasons he wanted to be on Jordon’s lap. One reason. There were a few hundred. “The Jamaican is phenomenal too. I love these guys. They are so buff.”

“They are. Like they’re made of bronze and steel.”

Tyler tucked his hands under Jordon’s leg. It felt cozier. “You sure this is okay?”

“It’s fine, Tyler.”

Tyler snuggled in for a nice, long cuddling bout of Olympic bliss.

***

Jordon dug his hand through that thick mane of black-gold hair and lost track of the events on the field. Instead, he took pleasure from the way the television’s glow highlighted Tyler’s cheekbone and square jaw. Jordon was so in love with him he could gaze at him all night.

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Chapter Ten

Saturday morning, a noise woke him. Jordon stirred, seeing the clock read eight-fifteen. He squinted his eyes at the brightness and once again heard sounds. He pushed the sheet off his body and walked in his briefs to the front room.

“Hi, babe. Just got in. I’m wiped out.” Fawn left her luggage and set her purse on the table.

“You look it.” Jordon gave her a hug and a peck on the cheek.

“I’ll shower later. I just want to lie down.”

He reached out his hand to her, escorting her into his bedroom. Jordon sat her on the bed and helped her remove her uniform. Crouching down, he tugged off her high heels as she unbuttoned her top.

Once she was in just her bra and panties, she entered the bathroom, closing the door. Jordon walked around pulling the dense curtains over the windows to darken the room for her.

He sat on the bed, waiting as she finished.

She headed to a drawer in his bureau. With her back to him, she unhooked her bra and slipped on one of his t-shirts. A minute later she was under the blankets, facing away from him.

It wasn’t a cold reception; it was exhaustion. He knew that.

Jordon tucked her in, kissed her cheek, and let her sleep. He took his jeans and a shirt from his closet, then tiptoed out and closed the door, dressing in the kitchen. Jordon started a pot of coffee dripping and

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knew Fawn would need a good four or five hours of peace. He couldn’t imagine working her schedule.

He headed to one of the spare baths to brush his teeth and shave. Jordon looked around the room, reaching for one of the towels draped over the bar. He raised it to his nose and inhaled it to see if a scent was left of Tyler. No scent of Tyler, just soap. He removed them, placing them in the hamper, and replaced them with fresh towels. There was a presence of Tyler in that room now. He had showered in it every day that week. Jordon wanted to close his eyes and meditate in it, conjuring him up to keep him company.

Even with his fiancée in the next room, Jordon felt isolated.

***

Tyler knew Fawn was expected today.

A day off, Saturday, he spent the mornings doing errands and trying not to call Jordon just to hear the sound of his voice.

The groceries purchased, his suits at the cleaners, his apartment neat and tidy, Tyler sat at his computer to catch up on the latest wedding trends in Europe and Asia. It was all the rage and New Yorkers liked to be on the cutting edge of style. An hour surfing through bridal fashions from Oleg Cassini to Vera Wang and the gang, Tyler grew bored. He wasn’t the type of man to salivate over chic or get an erection staring at a pair of shoes. He knew gay men who did. Those men didn’t turn him on.

Time to quit working and play on the computer. Tyler entered his MySpace site to see if anything interesting was happening. He checked who wanted him as their “friend” and deleted the comments and applicants who solely pontificated about his porn films.

Bryan Buck had sent him another email. He felt obligated to read it, though he knew the little brother was a pale shadow of his older, more gallant sibling. Yet, sadly, he was the gay man of the two.

Tyler -- loved the spit-roasting scene you had in Bottom Up. Christ, you’re hot!

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He flinched. “Fuck off!” Before he deleted it, he actually typed those two words in a reply email to him. Once he sent it, he eliminated Bryan from his list of friends. “Asshole.”

Degraded instantly, Tyler was about to shut off the computer. Instead, he typed Jordon’s name into Google and had a look. He crossed his arms tightly over his chest, warding off the evil spell of his youth. Tyler actually found something with Jordon Buck’s name on it and entered the site of a prestigious business journal. He read an article quoting the handsome stockbroker on the current state of the economy. Tyler could only be more impressed. One last site showing Jordon’s name drew his attention. Before he shut the computer down, he opened the site. It was an announcement of the engagement of Fawn Lea to Jordon Buck from the New York Times.

“That I didn’t have to see.” He logged off and sat staring at the blank screen.

***

Jordon checked his watch. It was past noon and Fawn had been asleep for four hours. The debate wore on in his head about whether to allow her to sleep all day or not. He knew her thoughts on it. She didn’t want to be on a reverse time zone, so her internal clock was screwed up.

Jordon decided it was worth a try. He opened the bedroom door, walking in softly, and sat next to her on the bed. He caressed her shoulder. She stirred and gave off an annoyed moan.

“Babe? It’s after noon. You want to get up?”

She asked, “What time is it?” as she rested her forearm over her forehead.

“Twelve-thirty. I wasn’t sure if I should let you sleep.”

“No. I need to get up. I’m just so out of it.”

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“Poor thing.” He kissed her wrist.

“Is there coffee?”

“I made a fresh pot. You want me to bring you a cup?”

“Yes.”

He left the room and poured her coffee in her favorite mug, the one with the wet cat hanging off a wall on it that said Hang in There .

When he returned, she was sitting up against the pillows and headboard. “Here ya go.” He handed it to her, joining her again.

“Mm. Good.”

“Was it brutal?” He rubbed her leg through the sheet.

“Always is. We had a quick turnaround in L.A. and not much time to really unwind in between any of the flights.”

“You still love the job?” He pushed her hair back from her forehead as she sipped the coffee.

“I do. I know it’s hard, but I do.”

“You know, once we’re married, you don’t have to work, Fawn.”

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“I know. I want to.”

“Tyler left a list of bridal shops for you on the table.”

“Good. I should take him with me. Gay guys are so good with fashion.”

He restrained another admonishment over her constant gay stereotyping. “I’m sure he’d be happy to go.”

“Did you guys get anything done?”

“He booked the hotel, I think the band, and the photographer.”

“Good.”

“Did you have anything in mind in particular for the wedding photos?”

“No. Did you?”

“No. He got us a standard package. It includes an eleven by fourteen portrait.”

She chuckled.

“That’s what I thought. How tacky is that?”

“We can always hide it in the closet.” She drank from the cup again. “I don’t really want any wallet sizes

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either. The album is enough.”

“I suppose they’re giveaways.”

“Oh. True.” She set the cup down on the nightstand.

“Can I get a hug?” he asked.

“Come here.”

He embraced her and closed his eyes, resting his chin on her shoulder.

“Miss me?” she whispered.

“I did.”

“You’re a sweetie.”

“Are you done with your period?”

She backed up to look at his face. “I’m home two seconds and you’re asking me about my period?”

“Don’t get defensive. It’s just a question.”

“It’s a question about getting laid.”

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“And?” He laughed at the inane attitude.

“I just got back from a week on the job.”

“I’m not pressuring you to do it now. Will you calm down?”

“I need a shower.”

When she pushed past him to go to the bathroom, he began to wonder if he’d ever get fucked again. Did sliding an engagement ring on a woman’s finger suddenly kill her sex drive? Was her conquest finished? She seduced, got the diamond ring, now her obligation to make love had been terminated?

“Jesus, she could at least have waited for the day after the honeymoon.”

***

He loitered in the kitchen. When she appeared in one of her flashy outfits -- pink Capri leggings, a silk chiffon floral-printed blouse, and white sandals with spiked heels -- he asked, “Can I make you something to eat?”

“I’ll catch a bite out.”

“Out?”

“I’m meeting Camisha at Bloomies.”

“You want a man’s opinion on clothing selection?”

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“No, silly.” She laughed.

“What do you want to do with your bag?” He pointed to her carry-on still propped up where she had dug into it for her present attire.

“Can you sort through it for me? You know, get my uniforms to the cleaners?”

“Can’t you do that?”

“I just got back. I want to play.”

“Then I’ll leave it for you for when you’re done playing.”

“Are you mad at me?”

“No. But I’m also not your slave.”

Her expression hardened. “Fine. You want sex? Let’s go.” She grabbed his hand and began leading him to the bedroom.

“That isn’t what I meant, Fawn.” He halted their progress. “It’s not a bartering process, I get screwed, and you get your laundry done.”

She replied, “Why not? Works for me.” She kicked off her shoes.

He waited to see if she was bluffing.

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“Well?” She took off her pants and shirt.

“Finally,” he mumbled, undressing.

“What?”

“Nothing.” He shed his clothing quickly, located a condom from the drawer, and placed it on the nightstand.

When she was undressed, she reclined on the bed.

He knelt on the mattress, stared down at her, and began jacking off to get himself hard. Her expression of impatience wasn’t helping the mood. Once he had a semi-erection, he lay down on top of her and went for her lips. They kissed, but it was banal, lacking any heat. With his knees, he spread her thighs apart. It seemed he was the one expending the effort as she put up with it wearily.

He tried to motivate her tongue. He got a tiny swirl and not much else, so he gave up on the kissing. He decided on enjoying her small but pert breasts. When he lowered down to take one into his mouth, she whispered, “I don’t have all day.” She tried to say it sweetly, but it was a line that couldn’t be sugar-coated very well.

“I’m doing the best I can.” He reached for his cock and tried to get it hard enough to penetrate. Lord knew when his next chance would be. This one shouldn’t be squandered.

He slid on the rubber and got into position. Once he was inside her, he shivered at the sensation and closed his eyes to savor it. It’d been so damn long since he was in a hot body that he’d forgotten what it felt like. He leaned up on his hands and began pumping, the climax beginning to rise in him. He stared at her breasts and the connection between their two bodies, then made the mistake of looking at her face. She was admiring her fingernails.

“What the fuck?” Never had she done that before. It was so incredibly rude that he instantly lost his hard

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on. “What are you doing?”

“Huh? What?” She truly appeared clueless.

“Do you want to make love to me?”

“Of course I do, Jordy.” She kissed his slack mouth.

It was so patronizing it made him feel sick. “Then why aren’t you into this?”

“It’s just that Camisha is waiting at Bloomingdales. I would put more effort into it if I had time. How about we do this again later?”

He pulled out, seeing the condom barely staying on his limp cock. The minute he disconnected she hopped off the bed, jumping back into her thong and Capri pants.

“We have to talk, Fawn.” He removed the rubber. “I’m not happy about this.”

“It’s no big deal, Jordy. I just don’t have a lot of time right now. It’s not like I won’t do it with you.” She buttoned her top.

“Do you enjoy sex with me?”

“Of course I do, sweetie,” she baby-talked, and kissed his cheek like he was an idiot.

“You do?” He held her from darting out. “You’re not just saying that. You do enjoy it?”

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“Yes. I’m not just saying that. Why wouldn’t I? You’re hot.” She took back her elbow from his grasp and slipped her shoes on. “So, you’ll get my uniforms to the cleaners?”

“No. I can’t. I have other things I have to do.”

“I thought you said we had a barter system.”

“No. I said it’snot a bartering process. You do your own laundry.” He stood and dragged his briefs up his legs, tossing the barely used condom onto its package on the nightstand.

“Okay, whatever.” She flicked her wrist at him indifferently. “I’ll get the hotel staff to do it.”

He knew that would be on his tab.

“Will you be home for dinner?” He followed her to the living room.

“Depends how long Camisha and I shop.”

“Five hours?” He checked his watch.

“Well, we’ll have a bite first, browse the shoe selection, go to Saks next… you know.”

He grabbed her arms again and drew her close. “Fawn.”

“What, Jordon?”

“We’re going to be married in December.”

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“I know! I can’t wait.” She pecked his lips.

“Listen to me. Do you love me?”

“Of course I do, silly.”

“Do you have any doubts about making that kind of commitment to me?”

“No. Should I? Don’t get all weird on me, Jordon. I mean, you don’t seem like the kind of guy who’s going to start being possessive and strangle me. Right?”

“Never. I have no problem with you being an independent woman. But--”

“That’s what I love about you!” she gushed. “I’ll call you if I can’t make it back for dinner.” She moved to the door. “You need anything? Ties? Shirts?”

“No. I’m fine.”

“I don’t mind. I can pick you up a new shirt and tie at Barney’s or something. I love buying men’s clothing. And you look so handsome in a suit and tie, Jordy.” She applied lipstick from her purse, looking into a compact mirror as she spoke.

“I’m fine. Don’t buy me anything.”

“Okay.”

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“You need to get the guest list with the names and addresses to Tyler.”

“Right! I’ll call Mom. Maybe she can meet me and Camisha for a drink later. See ya, Jordy. Love you!” She waved, closing the door behind her.

His head was spinning. All her answers were right. The sentiment behind them just didn’t seem to be there.

He returned to the bedroom and gathered up the trash from their attempt and tossed it in the pail in the bathroom. Frustrated, he dressed in his workout outfit, and before he left for the gym, he paused and stared at the phone. If he called Tyler, would they have enough time before Fawn came home to shower and eat dinner?

Because the answer to that question was ambiguous, Jordon worked out alone.

***

The phone rang at five-fifteen. Jordon was reading the newspaper in the den with the Olympic sports on in the background, expecting Fawn. He heard his mother’s voice instead.

“Hello, Jordon.”

“Hi, Mom.”

“Is Fawn back from her week of flying?”

“Yes.”

“How is she?”

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“Good enough to be out shopping.”

“Did you spend any time with her before she left?”

“A little. Not much.”

“Jordon. Have you thought good and hard over this marriage?”

“Too much.” He sat up, folding the paper.

“Talk to me.”

He slouched back, his feet up on the hassock and lowered the television volume. “She’s got many qualities I want in a wife, Mom.”

“What are they?”

“She’s not clingy. She doesn’t live her life with me as the sun and her as the planets. I couldn’t stand a woman like that. I need one who is fiercely independent, and she is.”

“Anything else redeeming?”

“She’s bright. She can hold a conversation. She’s energetic. She doesn’t want to stop working and get fat and lazy sitting around the house…”

“Do you love her?”

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“Didn’t we have this conversation already?”

“Are you having an affair with Tyler Holliday?”

“I knew you’d think that. No. He’s just a good friend.”

“Jordon, I do think Fawn is a nice girl. She’s sweet and decent and doesn’t seem to be harmful in any way.”

“That’s not much of a compliment about the woman who’s about to be your only daughter-in-law.”

“I know damn well you don’t love her. Does she love you?”

“First of all, I never said I didn’t love her.”

“You never said you did.”

“She said she loved me.”

“Why does this sound horribly blasé?”

“Please. Don’t go into the fairytale romance crap again. I’ll puke,” Jordon said.

“From the time I have spent with Fawn, I find her very personable.”

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“I adore her family as well. Her mother and father are awesome and I get along great with her brother and sister. So? What’s the catch? Mom, what the hell am I looking for? Tell me what’s out there that’s so great that I’ll miss it if I marry Fawn.” Silence followed. “Mom, I’ve dated a lot. More than I care to sit and explain to you. There’s no perfect woman out there. I have a few bottom line ‘can’t stands’ and she doesn’t match any of them.”

“Okay.”

“Good. Now get off my back about it.”

“When is she expected to return? Are you making her a nice dinner?”

Jordon checked his watch. “She should be home soon.”

“I’d love to see her. Why don’t you arrange a lunch with Blithe as well? Just the four of us. We can talk wedding plans and get excited.”

Jordon agreed, “I will, Mom.”

“Goodbye, sweetie.”

He hung up, feeling convinced he was doing the right thing.

***

By seven he grew sick of waiting. He called her mobile phone.

“Hello?”

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“Fawn.” There was a lot of background noise. “Are you coming home for dinner?”

“What time is it? Oh! Seven? How did it get so late?” She sounded drunk.

“I’ve been waiting. Should I not be?”

“I’m having a drink with the girls.”

“Where are you? Can I stop by? Hang out with you guys?”

“With Camisha and Jewel? Why would you want to do that? You’d be bored out of your mind with us talking clothing and work.”

“I don’t mind. I wouldn’t be opposed to getting out of the house and having a drink with you.”

“Sure. Come by. Just don’t get upset when we talk girl talk.”

“I won’t.”

“We’re at Spotlight Live.”

“Where the hell’s that?”

“Sixteen hundred Broadway.”

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“Be there soon.” He hung up, headed to the bedroom, and spruced up his appearance. He couldn’t very well go out in an NYU t-shirt and jeans.

A half hour and a cab ride later, Jordon was standing outside the club. Loud noise, he assumed live music, was spilling out on the warm summer sidewalk.

The place was jammed and as he made his way through the crowd, he realized the horrible noise was coming from a karaoke stage. To his chagrin, Fawn, Camisha, and Jewel were screaming, not singing, In Love With a Girl , by Gavin Degraw, like drunken fools, into a microphone.

“I did not need to witness this.” He recoiled in embarrassment, making his way to the bar. He waited what felt a long while to be served and ordered a glass of scotch, straight up.

The crowd appeared as intoxicated as his future bride, but he didn’t blame her for needing to unwind after the stress of a long week.

Once their song had finished, they bowed ceremoniously and stumbled off the platform, holding onto each other and laughing hysterically.

Jordon tried to wave at her but she was oblivious. He found his way through the horde, holding his drink aloft to avoid losing it, and met them as they gathered around a table they had laid claim to.

“Fawn.”

“Jordy!”

“Hi, Camisha, Jewel.” He nodded.

Jewel greeted him warmly but he received an odd coldness from the usually delightful Camisha.

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“You guys have guts, I’ll give you that.” Jordon smiled at them.

“We’re drunk,” Fawn announced, as if he couldn’t tell.

“Yes. No kidding.” He moved to stand behind her so he was able to touch her. When he reached for her hand, he asked, “Where’s your engagement ring?”

“I didn’t want to lose it. It’s in my purse.”

“Not trying to pick up guys, are you?” he teased. Camisha gave him another long look. He addressed the pretty African-American woman, “You okay?”

“I was,” she replied, crossing her arms over her chest.

“Sorry. Am I intruding on girls’ night?”

“A little.” Fawn touched him to soften the blow.

“I’ve had five minutes with you since you’ve been home.” He caressed her hair. “I need more than that, lady.”

“Isn’t he dreamy?” Jewel drooled.

Camisha made a “humph” sound.

Jordon felt slightly disoriented by Camisha’s reaction. “I won’t stop you guys from having fun. Go sing another song. I just want some time with my woman.”

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“I’m goin’ to the ladies’ room,” Camisha announced, leaving.

“Did I say something to offend her?” Jordon asked. “We usually get along well.”

“No. Don’t worry.” Fawn waved her hand dismissively while a stewed Jewel gazed at Jordon with gaga eyes.

“Babe.” Jordon forced Fawn to stand up so he could speak privately to her. “If you want me to leave, I will. I didn’t mean to intrude.”

“I think Camisha just likes it when it’s just us. Sorry, Jordon.”

“I get it.” He shot down his drink. “So? I’ll see you home?”

“I may stay at my place tonight.”

“Why?” He caressed her hair.

“Camisha and I had a long week at work. We just want to hang out and do girl things.”

“I want you to hang out and do girl things with me.” Jordon pressed against her.

“I have four days off, Jordy. We can spend all day Monday together.”

“Monday?” He tried to laugh. “I work Monday.”

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“You know what I mean.”

Jordon found Jewel staring at him, biting her lip like she was about to jump his bones. “I spoke to Mom. She wants to have lunch with you, me, and Blithe.”

“That would be wonderful.”

“Tomorrow?”

“Tomorrow?” Fawn echoed as a man began belting out his version of Let it Die by the Foo Fighters, which was cringe-worthy.

“Yes, tomorrow. Sunday?” Jordon confirmed.

“Can I let you know?”

“Let me know?” Jordon was growing annoyed.

“Okay, Sunday. I’ll call Mom.”

“Good. You just behave. Put your damn ring on.”

“You’re so silly.”

Jordon embraced her, finding her lips. When he tasted tobacco again he jerked back. “Do you smoke now?”

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“Just one.” She held up her index finger.

“Will I see you in the morning?” He was struggling to be heard over the noise.

“Why don’t I just call you to let you know where to meet me and Mom for lunch? Then you and Maureen can meet us.”

“Perfect. See you tomorrow. Have fun.” He smiled at Jewel. “Watch over Fawn for me.”

Her eyes glazed, Jewel moaned, “You’re so good looking, Jordy.”

“Thanks. See ya.” He raised his head just in case Camisha was around and he could wave goodbye. She was nowhere in sight.

Once he was outside, Jordon felt too up for fun to go home. On a whim, he removed his phone from his pocket and dialed.

“Hello?”

“Mr. Holliday.”

“Mr. Buck.”

“What are you doing at the moment?”

“Watching men’s volleyball. Hubba hubba. What about you? Where are you?”

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Jordon assumed Tyler could hear the noisy background of traffic and pedestrians. “Broadway.”

“Seeing your brother in a play?”

“No. I met Fawn at Spotlight Live, but she’s pretty determined to have a man-free night.”

“How Sappho of her.”

“Sorry?” Jordon never did get his slang references.

“You want some male companionship, Mr. Buck?”

“Only if you feel like it. Don’t put yourself out. After all, men’s volleyball…” Jordon laughed.

“Where on Broadway are you?”

“Sixteen hundred.”

“Wait for me.”

“I will.” Jordon disconnected the line. He knew he could count on Tyler.

***

Jordon avoided ogling leers from both sexes and leaned against the wall of a theater, checking inside

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cabs as they stopped. When a handsome man exited the back seat of one after giving him a seductive smile through the back window, Jordon’s spirits soared at his presence.

Tyler paid the fare and met Jordon on the sidewalk. “We meet again.”

“We do.” Jordon felt giddy.

“Where is Miss Fawn?”

“Spotlight Live.” Jordon gestured to it.

When Tyler made a face of disgust, Jordon asked, “What? No good?”

“Karaoke? Christ. It’s worse than I thought.”

“Now, now.” Jordon chided.

“Where to, Mr. Buck?”

“I don’t know. I’m not a nightclub sort of guy. This is uncharted territory.”

“Really?” They began walking down the block.

“I haven’t been to clubs in over a year. I grew weary of them.”

“I do go out on occasion with friends for a drink. But clubbing? Cruising? No, thank you.”

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“You don’t cruise gay bars?”

Tyler spun around to meet his eyes. “Do you listen to anything I say?”

“What?” Jordon asked.

“No. I don’t cruise any bars. I have no interest in superficial, shallow sexual affairs.”

“Come on, Tyler.” Jordon laughed at the joke. “You’re a gorgeous gay male. You have to be kidding me.” When Tyler grabbed his arm and practically slammed him against a brick wall, Jordon paid attention.

“I do not cruise. I do not play around.” Tyler appeared to be holding back his fury. “Though you are incapable of understanding that a gay man can have a trusting, monogamous relationship, you are mistaken.”

A car passed and illuminated Tyler’s light eyes. Jordon’s craving to grab Tyler’s face and plant one on his lips was overwhelming.

“Are you listening to me?” Tyler growled.

“No. Christ, you’re so fucking handsome.”

“Jordon! I expect that kind of shit from your asshole brother. Not you!”

Tyler was about to storm away. Jordon grabbed his arm. “I’m sorry. I was listening.”

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Tyler softened at his touch and replied, “I know you have some preconceived notion of what gay life is like, Jordon. But you have no idea what a gay relationship could be like.”

“Tell me. I promise I’ll pay attention.”

Tyler escorted Jordon to a quiet place near the entrance to a condominium tower. “It can be satisfying. Both partners getting and giving enough love and sex to complete them so they have no interest in other affairs. It can be two people sharing common goals and hobbies. Being content to spend evenings cuddling on the couch. Nurturing one another with care and massaging touch. Attending that partner’s needs, but allowing him to be his own man. Not infringing on his sense of self or dignity.”

Jordon’s lip began quivering again. “No. Two men can’t have that.”

“Why not? Why can’t two men have that, Jordon? What nonsense has your idiot brother been spewing to make you believe all gay men are promiscuous morons?”

“He wants to fuck everything. His co-stars, his workout partners, his classmates, his--”

Tyler held up his hand. “He’s a slut.”

“All gay men are, aren’t they?”

“I fucking resent that!”

“Tyler!” Jordon knew he was trying to convince, but… “Men want sex all the time.”

“Do straight men cheat, Jordon?” Tyler’s tone was indignant and slightly enraged.

“Of course they do. But--”

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“How about straight women?”

“Tyler.” Jordon scoffed and shook his head. “You know the answer to that question.”

“When a man and a woman marry, what guarantee do they have that one will not stray?”

“None.”

“Then what’s the difference between that and a gay relationship?”

“Because I don’t see women asking to suck my cock on a daily basis.” Jordon fought to lower his voice.

“We don’t all say yes to those offers.” Tyler appeared about to scream.

“Sure you do.”

“Fine! Hang on.”

“Where are you going?”

“Hang on!” Tyler held up his finger and found three women who were walking down the street. He had a word with them that Jordon could not hear. “What the fuck?”

Tyler brought the women to stand in front of Jordon. They were grinning demonically at him and Jordon had no idea what perversion led to their expressions.

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“Look him over, ladies.”

“Yum!” One’s eyes lit up.

“Anyone want to get dirty with him?” Tyler asked.

“Tyler!” Jordon died of humiliation.

“You bet, honey.” The pretty, tall one licked her lips.

“Would you suck his cock?”

“Tyler, what are you doing?” Jordon gasped in horror.

“When and where?” The third one pursed her lips.

“He thinks there aren’t women out there who will give him lip service. Tell him how wrong he is, girls.”

“Tyler, this is intolerable.” Jordon felt like covering his crotch, the leering was so intimidating.

“Here’s my card.” The pretty, tall woman handed him one.

“And mine!”

“And mine!”

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“No. I don’t want them.” Jordon shook his head.

“Have I made my point?”

“You put them up to this,” Jordon accused.

“What did I tell you ladies when I first met you?” Tyler asked.

“You said you had a cute single friend.”

“What else?”

“Nothing,” the tall one whispered seductively. “That was it.”

“You still think there are women out here who don’t want to offer you a blowjob, Jordon?”

“Fine. I get it.” Jordon wanted the ogling to stop.

“Thank you, ladies.”

“What about you, gorgeous?” the tall one hissed.

“Gay. Gay as they come.”

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“Oh. Too bad. Bye, boys!”

Jordon was a quivering mass suddenly. He took a few deep breaths to calm down.

“Straight guys can’t get their cock sucked,” Tyler sneered. “Gee, Jordon. Why didn’t you take a business card? Wait. Maybe because you’re loyal and trustworthy?”

“Shut up, Tyler.”

“Ya get it now? You’re not stupid, Jordon. Do. You. Get. It. Now?”

“Yes. I get it.”

“Up to the individual, babe. Straight, gay, bi, tranny, up to the individual what the limits are.”

“Maybe I have been given the wrong idea from Bryan. I just see what he does and how little he cares about the men he’s with.” Jordon ran his hand through his hair tiredly. “To my brother, men are meat. A way to get his rocks off. He’s the one source of information I have to understanding the way gay men behave. What the hell else am I supposed to think, Tyler?” Jordon found deep contemplation in Tyler’s eyes.

“You’re supposed to judge every human being for who they are. Not by some horrific stereotype.”

Having blamed Fawn for that offense, Jordon bit his lip in shame. “You’re right. Please accept my apologies.”

“Enough. Come on. We’re out on the streets in Manhattan on an August night.” Tyler hooked Jordon’s elbow. “Have you eaten dinner?”

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“No. I’m famished.”

“My turn to treat the chef.”

“Thank you, Tyler.”

“You know spending time with you is always my pleasure, Mr. Buck.”

Jordon smiled lovingly at his sweet expression, tightening his hold on Tyler’s arm.

***

They walked past the posh eateries and fashionable cafés. Jordon wondered where Tyler was taking him. When he realized, his smile appeared. “Tyler Holliday,” he chuckled.

“Man-food, Jordon. I figured you need a break from your own gourmet cooking.”

The aroma of Ray’s cheesy pizza filled his nostrils. Tyler led him up to the counter and they eyed the greasy sheen on delectable pies. “Two?” Tyler asked.

“I don’t think my arteries could take much more than that.” When Jordon reached for his wallet, Tyler gave him a pained look.

“My treat, Buck.”

“Thank you, Tyler.” Jordon gazed adoringly at him.

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“Four slices, please.” Tyler leaned on the counter. “Anything to drink?” he asked Jordon.

“Whatever you’re having is fine.”

“Two ginger ales,” Tyler added.

They stood at the counter to eat their meal, staring out at the passing throng in the City that Never Sleeps. Jordon folded the slice of pizza in half, allowing the oil to drip off before taking a bite. “Christ, it’s delicious.”

“Best pizza in New York.” Tyler wiped his lips on a napkin. “How long is Fawn in town for this time?”

Jordon shrugged. “A few days. We’re supposed to get together with our moms tomorrow, so we’ll have the list of addresses for you by Monday.”

“Okay.”

After devouring one slice, Jordon watched Tyler for a moment. He picked up a clean napkin and dabbed Tyler’s chin for him. It caught Tyler’s attention instantly.

“Am I eating like a slob?” Tyler smiled.

“Like a man.”

“Don’t women think that’s the same thing?” Tyler replied.

Jordon asked, “Have you ever had sex with a woman, Tyler?”

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Tyler raised his eyebrows at the direct question, then looked around the tiny, yet crowded, pizzeria first before answering. “I have.”

“No good?”

He gave Jordon a wry smile. “I was straight for pay.”

“What the hell does that mean?” Jordon didn’t like the way it sounded.

Tyler finished up his last bite, wiping his hands on his napkin. “Tell ya outside.”

Once they had tossed their trash into a can and left, Tyler’s shoulder brushed Jordon’s as they walked. “When I was in the films, years ago…” Tyler took another discreet glance around, “I had a couple of bi-scenes.”

“Oh?”

“Had to use a fluffer. Couldn’t get hard with them.”

“You do realize you keep losing me. I have never watched any type of pornography, and some of the slang you use goes over my head.”

“You’re adorable, you know that?” Tyler laughed.

“Does that mean you’ve stopped listening to a word I’ve said and are lost on my good looks?” Jordon teased, trying to get back at Tyler for his earlier similar comment.

It wasn’t lost on him. “No, hot stuff, it means you’re adorable because you’re so innocent. Nice try,

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though.”

“Innocent?” Jordon stopped in his tracks. “Me? I hardly think that’s an adjective to describe me.”

“Okay. How about innocent to the world of porn.”

“That has to be a positive attribute. Ask my mother,” Jordon chuckled.

Tyler hooked his arm at the elbow again. “You mind if we look like a gay couple as we stroll, Mr. Buck?”

“No. I do not mind. Just don’t expect a kiss goodnight at your doorstep.”

“Damn. You really know how to hurt a guy.” Tyler’s eyes sparkled.

Jordon wrapped his elbow tightly around Tyler’s arm, enjoying their closeness. “Okay. A fluffer. What the hell is that?’

A smile formed on Tyler’s lips as he leaned closer to Jordon’s ear. “When a porn star can’t get an erection, there is someone there to help them along.”

“Err… help them?”

“Yes. For instance, if a man is straight and he’s playing a gay role, he may ask for some photos of a nude woman, or for a woman to suck him to get him hard.”

Jordon stopped in his tracks.

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Tyler paused, staring at him.

“So…” Jordon released his hold on Tyler’s elbow to face him. “You needed to get hard for a sex scene with a woman.”

“Yes.” Tyler’s wry smile appeared.

“And… and you used a man to get you hard?”

“That’s what a fluffer does.” Tyler hooked his arm once again to continue their walk. “Learning your lessons in triple-X films, Mr. Buck? I never thought I’d be a teaching mentor to a straight, innocent man.”

“Hang on…” Jordon was fascinated. “You had a guy stimulate you so you could get an erection and screw a woman.”

“Correct.”

Jordon shook his head. “Son of a bitch. It’s like a whole secret society.”

“Shh, don’t tell anyone I’m revealing our secrets or I’ll have to kill you.” Tyler squeezed his arm tighter.

Jordon laughed to himself. “I never know what to expect from you, Mr. Holliday.”

“I’ll keep you on your toes, Mr. Buck.”

Tyler leaned against him as they walked. The warmth from his body was comforting. Yes, some strangers took a look at them as they passed, so what? Bryan didn’t seem to care about what people thought of him holding onto a man’s arm while he was out, so why should Jordon?

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As the evening deepened into night, and the streets overflowed with theater patrons, restaurant goers, and bar-hoppers, Jordon enjoyed his time with Tyler. It was relaxed, unhurried, and stress-free.

He couldn’t remember the last time he and Fawn had such a pleasant evening.

When their conversations started to become mixed with yawns, Jordon smiled sweetly at Tyler. “I’ve had a great time.”

“Me too.”

Awkwardness hit suddenly. What were they supposed to do? Shake hands? Kiss?

To Jordon’s relief, Tyler reached out his hand. The moment Jordon clasped it, Tyler drew him to his body to embrace.

The thrill it sent through Jordon overwhelmed him.

“This is how us gay guys say goodnight,” Tyler chuckled softly.

Wow. When he parted from the hug, Jordon was afraid to look into Tyler’s eyes for fear of showing him how much he enjoyed it. “I’ll get us a couple of cabs.” Jordon stood in the street and waved one down. As it pulled over, he offered, “You take it.”

“You’re a gentleman, Mr. Buck.” Tyler opened the back door. “I’ll see you soon.”

Jordon waved as Tyler vanished into traffic. Allowing his heart to calm down after the full body contact, Jordon found a cab of his own, making his way to his home, feeling very content.

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Chapter Eleven

“Nice to see you again, Blithe.” Jordon kissed her cheek as they stood just inside the main entrance of a restaurant the next day.

“You too, Jordon.” Blithe kissed him back. “Maureen, so wonderful to see you, dear.”

While their mothers exchanged greetings, Jordon held Fawn’s hand. She had kept her sunglasses on as they waited for the host to seat them.

“How is Jonathan doing, Blithe? Keeping busy?” As Maureen inquired about Blithe’s husband, Jordon thought his mother looked smart in her Versace blouse and slacks, with her Fendi handbag.

“Yes, Maureen, he’s doing very well. I assume Bruce is fine?”

Jordon gestured as the host signaled them. “Table’s ready, ladies.”

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They followed the host to a sunny spot near the window with a view of the passing pedestrians. Once they were comfortable and gazing at menus, Blithe asked, “So, how many guests did we end up with total, Jordon?”

“Just over two hundred.”

“That’s a perfect size,” Maureen replied.

“What will you have, Fawn?” Jordon shared a menu with her.

“I don’t know.” She leaned closer to his ear to whisper, “I’m still really hung over.”

“Just get a salad. Something light.”

“Order for me, Jordy. I can’t focus my eyes at the moment.”

He pecked her on the hair and looked back at the list. When he lowered the menu, his mother was giving him a pained look. “What?” he asked her.

She shook her head, but not before Jordon had noticed her take a long, disapproving glance at Fawn.

After the waiter had come and gone and they were sipping ice water and lemonade, Maureen leaned over the table and asked, “Fawn, why are you wearing your sunglasses inside?”

“My eyes ache.”

“Your eyes ache?” her mother echoed. “Why on earth do your eyes ache?”

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Jordon replied, “Late night partying with the girls, Blithe.”

“Fawn,” Blithe admonished, “aren’t you too old for that kind of thing?”

Jordon once again caught his mother’s frown.

“No. I’m not too old for it,” Fawn defended. “What am I? Sixty? I’m only twenty-six. Leave me alone.”

“Anyway,” Jordon tried to change the topic. “We’re just getting a standard photography package. Is there anything you two want made up so I can be sure it’s included?”

“I wouldn’t mind an eight by ten, Jordon.”

“Okay, Blithe. Mom?” Jordon asked.

“It doesn’t matter, Jordon. Whatever they offer is fine.”

It was obvious to Jordon his mother was souring on the idea of his marriage. Though he loved her dearly, he had no intention of allowing her to run his life. “Fine.”

“What’s the next step, Jordon?” Blithe asked. “Anything else we can do to help?”

Jordon sipped his water. “Well, Fawn wants to decide the menu, and really the only thing left that I can think of are the tuxedos and bridesmaids’ dresses.” He looked at Fawn. “I assume you’ll do all the dresses, right?”

“No problem, Jordy.” Fawn appeared distracted.

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“How many are in your wedding party?” Maureen asked.

Jordon leaned on Fawn’s shoulder. “Did we discuss that?”

“No.”

“Any idea?” he pressed.

“Uh. I think I’ll have three, including the maid of honor.” Fawn sipped her lemonade through her straw.

“Camisha?” Jordon smiled.

“No. Uh. She refused. Jewel is.”

Jordon sat back in confusion. “Why did Camisha refuse to be your maid of honor? I thought you two were best friends?”

Fawn shifted in her seat uncomfortably. “Never mind.”

“Are you asking Bryan to be your best man, Jordon?” Maureen enquired.

Jordon gave her a pained look. “I suppose I have to.”

“I thought you would want to. What on earth is wrong with asking your brother?”

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“Nothing.” If Jordon thought his mother was going to be privy to how nastily his brother was treating his ex-porn star wedding planner, she had another think coming. “It’s fine. I’ll ask Bryan.”

“Where’s the food? I don’t have all day.”

Jordon peered down at his fiancée. “Don’t have all day?”

Fawn avoided his gaze even under the dark sunglasses and mumbled, “I’m meeting the girls for happy hour at Parkside.”

Blithe made a disapproving sound. “More drinking? Fawn, what’s wrong with you?”

“I need to unwind. You don’t know what it’s like, Mother, being on a plane for a week. Leave me alone.”

“Jordon,” Blithe implored.

He shrugged. “Blithe, she’s got her own way of relieving stress and so do I.”

“What do you do to relieve it, Jordon?” Maureen asked.

“Work out.” He noticed the waiter coming with their food.

“At least that’s a constructive way. Not drowning yourself in booze every night,” Blithe reprimanded her daughter.

As the lunch was set down before them, Fawn snapped, “Every night? I don’t have a sip of booze while I’m working. None. I finally get home after a week on the road and I’m getting shit from you?”

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Jordon squeezed her knee. “Calm down. It’s all right.”

“Listen to Jordon, Mom. He understands me.” Fawn stared down at her food with little interest.

Jordon placed his arm around her shoulder and hugged her affectionately. “You go and have fun.”

“Thank you, baby.” She kissed him.

Jordon glanced up. His mother was scowling at him. He ignored it.

***

Tyler opened the door of the Ruby Fruit Bar and Grill for his good friend Elijah Rahn. “I can’t believe you saw that movie. It looked like crap.”

“Hey, Robert Downey, Jr.? Excuse me?” Elijah postured in defense.

Tyler held up his hands in surrender. “Uncle. I give up.”

“You want anything to eat? Or just a drink?” Elijah headed to the bar.

“You know, I don’t even feel like booze at the moment. I’ve been doing this great workout lately with a friend and it has me feeling lean and mean.”

“Get a club soda.”

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“How about pineapple juice?”

Elijah raised his eyebrow at him.

“Humor me.” Tyler gestured to the bartender when they got his attention.

While his friend ordered, Tyler gave the club a scan. It wasn’t jammed, just pleasantly crowded. He never went to this place, but Elijah had some close bisexual friends he was meeting there.

“Thanks.” He took the juice from Elijah. “You want to sit down? There’s a spot over there.”

“Great. Save those extra seats for Carya and Sue.”

Tyler scooted the two empty chairs closer to the table and relaxed, setting his drink down.

“You must be really busy with all the weddings this summer.” Elijah took a sip of his daiquiri.

“I am. But hell, it’s money.” He checked his watch. “What time were they meeting us?”

“Give them another few minutes.”

“I’m in no rush.”

After a pause, Elijah asked, “Any luck on getting a modeling agent?”

“Zip.” Tyler frowned. “Too many Google me, and that’s the end of my chances.”

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Elijah growled in annoyance. “I don’t get that. That was ten fucking years ago.”

“Hey, don’t tell me.” Tyler raised his hand. “They even let cops who smoked dope in high school join the police. You tell me what’s wrong with that picture.” He took another drink of his juice. “I made seven movies between fifteen and eighteen years old, and I’m branded for life.”

“I’m so sorry, Tyler. You should be a model. You’re better looking than any of the morons out there.”

“Thanks, Elijah. That’s very sweet of you.”

“There they are.” Elijah pointed to two women just entering the room. He waved at them excitedly.

Tyler stood as they approached. “Hello, ladies.”

They each kissed his cheek. “Hi, Tyler.”

“You want me to get your drinks?” he offered.

“We got it. Thanks, though.”

Tyler sat back down as they went to the bar. He noticed an interracial lesbian couple kissing in the corner and smiled. He was about to give his attention back to Elijah when he froze, taking a moment to internalize the information his brain had gathered in a split second and reevaluate it for accuracy. He moved his chair back and took another long look at that couple. “Fuck!”

“What?” Elijah asked curiously.

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“I have to make a call. Be back.” Tyler rose up, stepped only slightly closer to the couple to have one more look to be certain, and hurried outside the restaurant entrance, dialing as he did.

“Hello?”

“Jordon?”

“Mr. Holliday!”

“What are you doing?”

“Watching men’s swimming. Why? What are you doing?”

“I need you to come to meet me right now.”

“Now?”

“Yes. It’s urgent.”

“Are you okay?”

The concern in Jordon’s voice touched him deeply. “I am. But, please, I need you to meet me as soon as possible.”


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“531 Hudson Street.”

“I’m on my way.”

Tyler hung up. He was so sick to his stomach he could puke.

***

Jordon sat in a cab trying not to fret. He seriously could not imagine what was so urgent that Tyler needed him that quickly. If he was going to proposition him, it was a waste of time. But for some reason, that wasn’t what it sounded like to Jordon. It sounded very dire. Tyler wasn’t the kind of guy to pull a bad joke or make trivial things seem important.

The cab stopped at a restaurant he had never heard of. Jordon paid the fare and instantly found Tyler waiting under the awning out front, wringing his hands anxiously.

“What’s going on?”

Tyler grabbed his arm and without a word, took him into the restaurant.

Jordon couldn’t be more confused. He was escorted through a noisy, crowded area to another room with a bar was on one side and tables and chairs on the other. Laughter, music, chatting; it was a busy place, and the movement all around him was distracting. Finally Tyler held him still, physically grabbed his jaw, and pointed his face in the right direction.

With his head swimming, simply because he had no clue what he was looking for, finally he found it.

He died.

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As if he were seeing something that could not be real and must be an optical illusion, Jordon’s skin went ice cold.

He saw a pretty blonde woman kissing, and already at second base with, an attractive African-American woman. There was so much passion it would most certainly have turned on any red-blooded straight male.

Being “turned on” was not on his list of priorities at the moment. He felt homicidal. “Fawn!”

She jumped so violently at the sound of his voice, she almost toppled off the chair.

Camisha gave him a look that could kill as Fawn scrambled to her feet, pale as a sheet, and shaking her head while she stammered, “I can explain.”

Jordon ground his jaw, suddenly feeling the wool pull back from his vision at all the passionless sex, the stringing along, the excuses. He held up his hand in a symbol of stop and closed his eyes in agony.

***

Tyler was near tears.

It wasn’t his intention to spite someone in order to net a man he loved or to break off a wedding. No. This was agony for him. Seeing Jordon crushed was like witnessing his execution. But he loved Jordon, and Jordon had to know what his fiancée was doing behind his back. Had to.

Though he was too far away to hear any of it, Jordon’s tense body language was enough to speak volumes. When Elijah stood near to ask what was wrong, Tyler gave him a patient glance and whispered, “I’ll call you later.”

Without a word of explanation, Elijah nodded and walked away.

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Tyler gave his attention back to the heart-wrenching scene.

***

“Jordy! It isn’t what you think.”

“Stop.” Jordon clenched his jaw to prevent his scream. “Please, don’t treat me like an imbecile.”

“Baby…”

When she went to touch him, he shoved her off. “I can’t even look at you right now.”

“That’s rich. You tolerate your faggot brother.”

“I’m not marrying my brother,” he roared, biting his lip and knowing it was suddenly a scene. He detested scenes.

“It’s just a silly fling.”

“No.” He turned away from her. It all made so much fucking sense that he felt like the biggest fool on earth.

“Jordy! I still want to marry you.”

He jerked out of her hold and snarled, “I don’t want to marry you.”

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“No. Come on. I thought you’d be turned on. Maybe ask for a threesome.”

Jordon glared at her. “You don’t know me at all, do you, Fawn?”

“I thought I did.”

“Does the word fidelity mean anything to you?” He wanted to yell but held back his volume painfully.

“I never went with another man. I wouldn’t.”

He gestured to Camisha, who was still glaring at him like he was stealing her lover, which Jordon was very sure had been true. “You've already cheated on me.”

“No.” She waved him off with a belittling smirk. “It’s not cheating with Camisha. We’re best friends.”

“Get away from me.” He turned toward the exit.

“Jordy!”

When she touched his arm to stop him, he spun around in fury. “Get the fuck away from me. It’s over. You got that?”

“No. I want to get married, Jordy.”

“Then find a man who can tolerate your infidelity.” He stormed out, not looking back, chasing a taxi down the block. He climbed in and fumed, so angry he couldn’t see.

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***

Tyler raced after him. He'd heard the last part because the volume of their argument had increased. He wanted to comfort Jordon. Tyler sprinted out of the restaurant to find that Jordon had already gotten into a cab and vanished.

Chapter Twelve

All night Tyler tried Jordon’s mobile phone. No answer. His home phone. Nothing. He left one message, then took a cab to Jordon’s condo Monday morning. Tyler rode the elevator to his floor and banged at his door. “Jordon!” He pressed his ear to the wood. “Fuck.” He rubbed his face and descended back to the lobby and headed home. Maybe Jordon had gone to his parents’ place. Or maybe he just needed time alone.

Once Tyler was in his own apartment, he tossed his keys down on the table and stood in the middle of his living room in a daze. He felt guilty for being the one . The one to let Jordon know about Fawn, but he had to.

Scrubbing his hand over his eyes in agony, Tyler cried, “Jordon… oh Christ, Jordon.”

***

Monday morning, sweat running down his pits and chest, Jordon pushed a lawn mower over his two acres of grass. He liked spending time here. His grand, 1950s split-level Montclair abode -- eighteen hundred feet of privacy, three bedrooms, two and a half baths. The home had been completely updated before he bought it, with wood floors and brand-new appliances. The large lot had mature trees and a

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delightful patio where you could either stretch out on a chaise lounge or have a barbeque. It was suburban bliss. He wished he could spend more time there, but it was too long a commute. After all, in the city, he walked down his street and was at work.

He turned the yard work into a workout and briskly made geometric patterns on the green sod. He would spend the day pruning, weeding, and doing general maintenance, which he had been neglecting with having a second place to live.

He dumped the clippings on his compost pile, wiping the sweat off his forehead with the bottom of his t-shirt.

He had taken the week off. Fuck it. The stock market could survive a goddamn week without his input. Adrian could handle his emergency calls. Screw it, screw it, screw it.

Since Saturday night, he’d called no one. Not even his mother.

Though, with the engagement off, Jordon had no doubt Fawn had already spread the news to Blithe, who would have called his mom, who would have called all his relatives, and so on, and so on… and he was now a laughingstock because his fiancée preferred to kiss and fondle female flesh behind his back.

He shook the last of the grass out of the catcher and hung it back on the mower to continue where he’d left off.

Wouldn’t Bryan get a good laugh? Bridezilla finally ate New York. Or at least a New Yorker named Camisha.

“No wonder…” he muttered as he labored, “…no wonder Camisha glared at me. Christ, she used to like me.”

How long had that affair been going on? He felt like the biggest idiot for being so naïve, so blind.

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In another half hour he finished the lawn, emptying the last bag of grass. He stood tall and had a look around, pleased with his efforts.

Jordon kicked off his grimy garden sneakers, and at the back door brushed off the grass that had stuck to his bare legs. Once inside, he removed a beer from the fridge and brought it back outside, where he could drop down on a garden lounge chair.

When someone appeared around the side of his house, Jordon tilted his head curiously, half expecting Bryan to show up unannounced once he found out what had happened. Only it wasn’t Bryan.

“Oh, my God.” Jordon watched as the man approached.

“I am so sorry.”

“Tyler? How the hell did you find me here?”

Tyler dropped down to crouch next to him, holding the arm of Jordon’s chair. “Bryan told me you’d probably be here. Jordon, what can I do? I’m sick about it.”

“Why should you be sick about it? She’s the sick fucker, cheating like that on me,” he spat out, drinking his beer bitterly.

“Do you hate me for letting you know?”

Jordon reached out to cup Tyler’s face. “I could never hate you.”

Tyler held Jordon’s hand and kissed his palm affectionately. When he met Jordon’s gaze, Tyler whispered, “I felt so guilty I was the one who exposed her. I didn’t get any sleep last night, Jordon. I tried to find you. I was frantic.”

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Jordon lowered his hand to his lap. “I’m sorry. I just had to get away.”

“Please. Tell me what I can do. Do you want me to leave? Do you want to be on your own?”

“No. Don’t leave.” Jordon reached for his hand. “Stay with me. I feel like the worst reject on the planet. I have never felt so alone, Tyler.”

“Baby,” Tyler moaned reaching around Jordon to embrace him off the chair.

“I’m a sweaty, grass-coated mess, Mr. Holliday.”

“Ask me if I care, Mr. Buck.” Tyler tightened his hold.

As Tyler’s arms surrounded him, Jordon balanced his beer bottle down on the patio and drew him close, resting his head on Tyler’s shoulder. Jordon closed his eyes, feeling so much relief it was palpable.

When Jordon sat back to see Tyler’s light eyes, he smiled. “I’m being a lousy host. You want a beer?” It was then he noticed the tears standing in Tyler’s eyes. “Tyler, please.” Jordon shook his head.

“How could she hurt you?” Tyler whispered, “How? Look at you. You’re so kind. So nurturing. How can she not see who you are?”

Jordon dabbed at the slow-moving drops that ran down Tyler’s high cheekbones. The care Tyler was showing was so touching it left Jordon speechless.

“You would have given her the moon.” Tyler began to weep. “Your loyalty and honesty is as tangible as your beauty, Mr. Buck.”

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“Tyler… don’t cry.” Jordon used his thumbs to brush away the fresh drops.

“I would never have done that to you. If I were privileged enough to have your commitment, I never would have squandered it, Jordon.” Tyler knelt on the patio in front of him, holding Jordon’s right hand tightly in both of his own. “I would have loved you until death pulled us apart, never cheated on you regardless of the temptation, and held you dear to my heart, forever.”

Jordon teased gently, “If I didn’t know any better, I would think you were a wedding planner.”

“Please…” Tyler blinked and a river of water flooded down his beautiful face. “Don’t mock me.”

“I am not doing that.” Jordon sat back down, grabbing Tyler’s jaw in both palms. “Are you kidding me?” Jordon whispered, lost in irises he couldn’t believe could be so blue. “You are everything to me, Tyler. You have become my closest friend. The time we spend together means the world to me. Do you have any idea how important you are to me?”

Tyler shook his head, but it hardly moved in the grip of Jordon’s hands. “No. Tell me. Just how important am I to you, Jordon?”

In a leap of faith, Jordon drew Tyler’s mouth to meet his.

The contact was so electric, Jordon felt dizzy.

In response, Tyler unleashed whimpering moans of agony and ecstasy, wrapping his arms around Jordon, urging him to stand.

When they were on their feet, Jordon clung to Tyler’s body, tasting his tongue in his mouth, shocked it felt arousing and not strange.

As if the emotion had grown too much for Tyler, he parted to pant for breath, groaning passionately, kissing Jordon’s neck and cheek.

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“Let’s go inside.” Jordon didn’t need to put on a show for his neighbors.

Tyler held Jordon’s hand. Jordon led him into his kitchen. The minute the door closed, Tyler spun Jordon around, getting back into his arms. “Christ, I love you, Buck.” Tyler made for his lips again.

Hearing it said -- the right way -- astonished Jordon. In the three years he had been with Fawn, she had never once said itwith feeling, need, pure affection . His head was spinning and his heart was exploding in his chest.

He cupped the back of Tyler’s head, digging his fingers into Tyler’s thick black hair and deepened the kiss. A kiss like no other he had ever had. It sent shockwaves through him. It was both rough and tender, scratchy and soft, but the taste of Tyler’s adoration floored Jordon. He felt the devotion in this man’s contact.

Suddenly Tyler backed up, his eyes filled with anxiety. “Is it okay I’m kissing you?”

Jordon laughed at his late but adorable request for approval. He nodded. “Yes.”

Tyler purred in delight. Jordon chuckled at the tickling kisses Tyler ran down his neck. “But I’m filthy. Tyler, I just mowed the lawn.”

“I know. Your sweat is delicious.”

Tyler ran a long, wet lick up his skin that sent Jordon’s cock upright. Jordon quivered all over from it. This man actually wanted to touch him? Taste him? Excite him?

“Am I moving too fast, Jordon?” Tyler panted, caressing Jordon’s back through his t-shirt.

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“I don’t know. I’m in a daze.”

At the admission, Tyler slowed down, his hands on Jordon’s hips as he stared at him. “Am I taking advantage of you?”

“Yes. Please,” Jordon replied. “I’m so starved for genuine affection I’m in pain.”

“That bitch,” Tyler hissed, shifting his weight from leg to leg.

Jordon put his finger against Tyler’s mouth. “No more mentioning her.”

“No problem,” Tyler snorted sarcastically.

“Let me shower. I feel very grimy and uncomfortable from the yard work.”

Instantly Tyler released him. “Should I leave?”

“No.” Jordon met his eyes to make it abundantly clear.

“Good.” Tyler sighed.

“Get yourself a beer. Explore the place.”

“Is this house yours, too? Bryan didn’t specify.”

Jordon asked, “Bryan told you I was here?”

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“Yes. I told him I had to go over cancellation of the plans with you. I didn’t let on, Jordon.”

“I wish you had.” Jordon smiled smugly. "It would have made him insanely jealous.”

Tyler rushed him, embracing him. “Kiss me once more before you shower.”

Completely floored to be with a person who wanted him this much, Jordon felt suddenly he had no resources for it. It was too good to be true. He held Tyler’s chin gently and closed his eyes. The kiss was incredibly tender. “Will that hold you?”

“It’ll have to.” Tyler wriggled his crotch against Jordon’s.

They were both rock hard. “I’m sure there’s Olympics on. Wait for me.”

“Forever.”

Jordon’s sweet smile fell. The sincerity was blowing him away. “You really feel this strongly about me, Tyler?”

“Yes.” Tyler appeared as if he wanted to say more, but bit his lip.

Then his mother’s words smacked him senseless.

It was a feeling of him being my everything. It was trust, companionship, mutual respect… and yes, attraction. Burning hot attraction.

It was all here, right in his arms. Everything she had said she felt with his father when she knew it was

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right.

Jordon kissed him again. “Wait. I’ll be right out.”

“I’ll be here.”

“I know. I know you will be.”

***

When Jordon closed himself into the bathroom, Tyler stood still, absorbing everything he had heard. It was mutual. He knew damn well what he was feeling was being reflected back, and he was so high from the very notion that he and Jordon could be a couple, he needed to sit.

He staggered to a chair in the kitchen and dropped down on it, leaning his elbow on the table and propping his chin in his palm. He heard the shower start.

Tyler hadn’t known what to expect when he arrived. And he was certainly prepared to handle Jordon with kid gloves.

Tyler was so lost in thought, he was surprised when Jordon exited the bathroom, a towel wrapped around his hips.

***

Jordon had almost jacked off over Tyler in the shower. That seemed completely absurd at the moment. He was a single man with the object of his every desire alone in his home in Montclair. Jack off again? Not if he could help it. But what the hell did gay guys do? Was there some protocol for becoming physical?

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I am so out of my damn league here.

The best idea he had for a chance at some sexual contact was if he initiated it. He knew Tyler. Tyler was way too much of a gentleman to go on the attack. Especially under these circumstances.

“Um… I suppose I need to put some clothing on.”

Tyler didn’t make a move or say a word, but he was staring like he didn’t want to blink.

“You… uh, want to keep me company?”

“What?” Tyler obviously needed clarification.

“My room is upstairs.” Jordon pointed.

“You want me to come to your room?”

“Yeah. Help me pick out something to wear.”

“Are you joking?”

“Yes. Shut up and go.” This wasn’t very subtle. Maybe he'd gotten it wrong and Tyler didn’t want to be close to him that way. “Unless you don’t want to.”

“Are you asking me if I don’t want to go to your room while you’re wrapped in just a towel?”

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Jordon didn’t know what to do for the best. “You must think I’m on the rebound or something. Right? Acting crazy? Seducing you?”

Tyler leapt off the chair. “Are you trying to seduce me?”

“Yeah. I’m crap at it, obviously. My innuendo tactics suck.”

Tyler coiled his arm around Jordon’s waist and drew their crotches together. “You don’t have to be coy with me, Jordon. Just tell me what you want.” Tyler brushed his lips over Jordon’s and it sent a zinging sensation to the tip of Jordon’s cock.

“Like…” Jordon suddenly felt all the blood in his body go south, “…like make a list or something?”

“Make a list,” Tyler replied, chuckling, “out loud.”

“How embarrassing. I can’t do that.”

Tyler directed Jordon to the stairs. “Which way to your room?”

The seductive tone in Tyler’s voice sent the hairs standing on the back of Jordon’s neck. He climbed the set of four carpeted stairs, glancing back at Tyler who seemed mesmerized by his towel-covered ass. “In there,” Jordon said.

“Go. Don’t be afraid.”

“I’m scared shitless.”

“Do you want me to wait outside?”

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“No.” Jordon clasped Tyler’s hand and yanked him inside his bedroom. Still clinging to the towel with his left hand, Jordon faced Tyler. Both their chests were beginning to rise and fall rapidly.

Tyler shut the door even though they already had complete privacy. He closed the small gap between them, touched Jordon’s hair, and whispered, “If you could ask for anything from me, what would it be?”

Jordon shivered where he stood. “Oh God…”

With his lips pressed to Jordon’s ear, Tyler breathed, “A blowjob?”

Jordon almost came at the mere suggestion. “I can’t ask you to do that.”

“Why not?” Tyler kissed Jordon’s jaw. “Do you have any idea how much I want to?”

Jordon blinked in shock. “You want to?”

“Fuck, yes…” Tyler rubbed his cock through his shorts and fidgeted anxiously.

Jordon made sure he heard right. He grabbed Tyler’s shoulder, met his eye sternly, and asked, “You want to suck my dick?”

“Please. I’ll get on my knees and beg you.”

As if it was some kind of a dare between buddies, Jordon dropped the towel.

Tyler stood back and did a sweep of Jordon’s body. “Motherfucker…”

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“What?” Jordon covered his erection in paranoia.

Tyler slapped his arm down. “Let me look at you.”

The sweat broke out on Jordon’s face. He couldn’t remember Fawn ever ogling him with so much carnal lust in her eyes. Well, she was a lesbian. So that wouldn’t happen, would it?

“Jordon Buck… you are goddamn magnificent.”

Not only was Jordon sweating, he was blushing. “Stop. I’m dying of embarrassment here, Tyler.”

Tyler held Jordon’s elbow and led him to the bed. “Lie down. Relax.”

Jordon reclined, watching Tyler’s every move. Tyler tugged his shirt off, tossing it on the floor. The sight of his rounded pecs and cut abs put Jordon into heat. When his dick bobbed from the excitement, Jordon reached to conceal it.

“No. Don’t.” Tyler stopped him. “It’s perfect, Jordon. I want to thrill you. Don’t hide your attraction for me. Please.” Tyler touched the top of his own shorts. “Can I take these off too?”

Jordon nodded, licking his dry lips. “Yes.”

Tyler dropped his shorts, leaving his briefs on. As Jordon held his breath, Tyler sat next to him on the bed.

“I adore you, Jordon.” Tyler touched Jordon’s face with the tips of his fingers.

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“I’m crazy about you too, Tyler.” Jordon’s skin sizzled from the contact.

Very gently, Tyler caressed Jordon, stroking him as if feeling the difference in texture from Jordon’s rough shadow to Jordon’s soft, sparse chest hair.

The thrill at being touched that way by Tyler sent shivering sparkles of pleasure all over Jordon’s body.

After cupping over one of Jordon’s pectoral muscles, Tyler lowered down to Jordon’s nipple and touched it with the tip of his tongue.

A low rumble of delight vibrated Jordon’s ribcage. “Tyler…” he whispered.

Tyler lapped at it lovingly, running his tongue up and down the domed surface of Jordon’s chest muscle, tantalizing his erect nipple as he did.

Tyler sucked it, holding it between his teeth.

Jordon was so excited he knew he would come if anything brushed his cock. Had Fawn ever stroked him like this? Jordon could feel Tyler’s love for him. It was as if Tyler were telling Jordon over and over again how much he meant to Tyler. Yet Tyler never uttered more than a whimpering moan of yearning.

After giving his second nipple and chest muscle the same treatment, Tyler moved on.

Tyler's kisses made their slow progress down the center of Jordon’s abdomen. Jordon began to writhe on the bed involuntarily. Tyler’s soft puffs of breath were making him shiver. Another long, low moan escaped Jordon. Was this what truly loving someone felt like?

When Tyler’s cheek contacted the head of Jordon’s cock, Jordon jumped as if a flame had scorched him, knowing pre-come was oozing from it. Jordon almost apologized… until…

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Tyler slid the tip of his tongue into Jordon’s slit.

“ Ah! Oh my fucking God!” Not only could Jordon not believe his eyes, he couldn’t believe the sensation. He clenched his fists, digging at the bedspread under him, his hips elevating, and he felt the veins in his neck bulge. “Tyler… Tyler…”

Undaunted and most certainly just commencing the act, Tyler used his tongue to trace along the head of Jordon’s cock and the sensitive skin under it.

Jordon was about to pass out, gasping, feeling his balls tighten up to the rocket launch. Jordon had the urge to cross his legs to stop what was inevitably about to blow. Never had he been aware of this kind of potential for the pleasure his body could give him until he was introduced to Tyler Holliday’s tongue. “I’m close. Oh fuck, I’m sorry, Tyler, I’m very close.”

The minute he announced it, Tyler held the base of Jordon’s cock and sank the entire length into his mouth. When Jordon felt the suck, squeeze, and drag of Tyler’s teeth-covered lips across his dick, he let loose a series of shocked expletives, “ Fucking-holy-mother-fucking-hell!” and thrust his hips deeper as he came. With Tyler sucking long, hard draws on his dick, Jordon almost passed out from the strength. “ Ohhh, goddddd… oh… myfuckinggod…” The climax crackled and sputtered along his entire frame. Tyler continued to suck him dry, milking him, massaging his balls.

“ Nooo… ohmyfrickengod…no… please don’t tell me this is what my brother gets every time… please… it’s so unfair…”

Tyler sat up, laughing. “No, Mr. Buck. This is what you will get from now on.”

Jordon raised his head from the pillow. His body still rocking from the orgasmic aftershocks, he grabbed Tyler by his shoulders, brought him upward with a powerful tug, and connected to his mouth.

When he tasted his own come on Tyler’s lips, Jordon went wild. He rolled on top of Tyler, pinning him underneath, and devoured him, whimpering, moaning, lovesick, and not caring who knew about it.

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***

Tyler had found heaven.

This beautiful, naked man was on top of him, sucking at his tongue with newfound freedom. Tyler ran his hands from Jordon’s satiny shoulders to his tight, rounded ass, squeezing it in both palms. Jordon’s cock was rock hard. It didn’t matter that he had just come. Obviously Jordon needed to be loved again, to find more release. God only knew how that horrible woman had deprived this amazing man. He’d obviously never had a blowjob of any quality before.

Jordon seemed delirious with it. Like it was a brand-new world of pleasure. It was obviously liberating him.

When kisses covered Tyler’s face, he started laughing at the tickling.

“Baby… baby…” Jordon crooned, “I want you. Love you. I do. I love you. I need you.”

“I’m yours,” Tyler said simply. “Your wish is my command.”

“Be with me.” Jordon leaned up. “I’m not just saying that because of what happened.”

“I know.” Tyler cupped his face to calm him.

“I’ve loved you since we worked out together. Since we began to hang out. I have. I’m being honest with you.”

“I know,” Tyler echoed, smiling..

“It’s not some rebound thing.”

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“Jordon.” Tyler stroked his face. “I know what it is.”

“Me too, Tyler. You are my everything. I trust you. You are my dearest companion. I respect you. And most of all, Tyler, I am sexually attracted to you. Burning hot attraction that I crave. I crave…” Jordon humped Tyler under him. “I crave you,” he hissed, kissing Tyler’s lips. “Tell me you crave me too.”

“I hunger for you, Jordon. Like air and water.” Tyler licked Jordon’s chin.

“Take these off.” Jordon tugged at Tyler’s briefs.

Immediately, Tyler tore them off and tossed them. He spread his legs and allowed Jordon to rest between them.

Jordon nestled into Tyler’s neck, grinding against his pelvis. “You feel so good. So good…”

Tyler tightened his embrace, nibbling Jordon’s cheek, licking his sideburn. “I love you. So much.”

“I’m on fire.” Jordon’s expression was akin to pain. “Feeling you under me this way. Tyler, I’m so fucking hot again. You make me so excited that I can’t get over how wonderful you feel against my skin.”

“Make love to me.” Tyler cradled Jordon’s jaw in his palm. “Be one with me.” Tyler noticed some trepidation in Jordon’s expression. Tyler coaxed Jordon’s lips to his. The kissing instantly encouraged more whimpers of desire. Tyler could feel the damp heat between their cocks as they ground into each other. “I want you in me.”

Jordon shivered at Tyler’s whisper of his need.

“Claim me, lover,” Tyler breathed sensually. “Take what I can give you. You and only you.”

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Jordon leaned on his elbows so they could stare into each others’ eyes. “I don’t know how to make love to a man.”

Tyler replied, “Let me show you the way.”

After a pause, Jordon asked, “Me and only me?”

Tyler held up his hand in a vow. “Until you tire of me and say you don’t want me anymore.”

“I won’t do that. I couldn’t possibly do that.”

Tyler felt devastated.

As if seeing the loss of communication, Jordon gripped Tyler’s head and clarified, “I meant I could never tire of you or tell you I didn’t want you anymore.”

“Thank fuck!” Tyler squeezed him in a clutching embrace. “I thought you meant--”

“Shut up and show me how.”

***

Jordon couldn’t control his respirations. He was panting and it felt like he and Tyler had just completed that strenuous hill climb program. They were both gasping for breath.

“Do you have rubbers and lube?” Tyler asked quietly.

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Jordon forced his brain to think. “I know I have rubbers. Bryan uses this place a lot. Let me look.” Jordon stared down at him. “Don’t go anywhere.”

A low chuckle of amusement came from Tyler. “I’m not going anywhere, believe me.”

Not wanting to climb off Tyler’s delicious body, Jordon braced himself on his arms and stared at Tyler. He took a moment to reflect, to really see this man, feel where they overlapped, get a sense of what a hard penis felt like pressing against his. After admiring Tyler’s handsome face, Jordon gazed down at their pelvises. Dark pubic hair and the heads of two very engorged cocks were visible between them. A shiver of sensual passion rocked him. Did the women he had loved ever compare to the erotic beauty of Tyler Holliday?

He did a slow sweep back to Tyler’s crystal blue eyes.

“You okay?” Tyler asked, touching Jordon’s hair.

Completely lost in how perfect Tyler looked, felt, and smelled, Jordon asked, “What was I supposed to be doing?”

“Rubbers and lube?” Tyler laughed sweetly.

In embarrassment, Jordon forced himself to part from Tyler, something he was loath to do. Rubbers and lube …

He kept repeating it in his head, because if he even looked back at the bed, seeing Tyler naked and ready for him, he’d forget. He opened his nightstand drawer, where he kept his supply of condoms, and was surprised to see Bryan had indeed left lubrication. Jordon held up the tube. “Is this it?”

“It is.”

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“One condom?”

“Yes.”

Jordon tore one off the strip and placed it and the lube on the bed.

Without a word, Tyler reached out to him. Jordon returned to his position on top of Tyler, between his legs. With tenderness that Jordon had never felt before in his life, Tyler caressed Jordon’s face and brought him to his lips. The light licks and swirls, the pressing of their mouths together set Jordon on fire. Kissing Tyler like this - slow, unhurried, and affectionate - Jordon kept asking himself if he had ever felt this way before.

No.

The answer to the question he kept asking was no.

No woman had kissed him this way. No woman had handled him with so much devotion and passion. And no woman had made his cock so hard it was literally oozing with pre-come.

The leisurely kissing began to get heated. Jordon whimpered as Tyler allowed Jordon to simulate fucking him orally with his tongue.

Jordon leaned on his forearms so he could lie comfortably over Tyler’s chest and moved his hands and fingers against Tyler’s shoulders, stroking him. Tyler cupped the back of Jordon’s head and deepened the kiss. And that didn’t even begin to describe the hot, sweaty grinding going on from crotch to crotch. Jordon was seriously not on the planet any longer. The tactile rush was blowing his mind.

Gently, slowly, Tyler broke their kiss. As they panted to catch their breaths, Jordon never released his gaze from those loving blue eyes.

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Tyler shifted under him. Jordon raised his weight off Tyler’s body. Tyler opened the wrapper and slid a condom onto Jordon’s erection.

Jordon’s heart skipped a beat. He could not wait to be inside this man.

Out of the corner of his eye, Jordon could see Tyler pick up the lube. Jordon didn’t want to look away from Tyler’s face or miss his expressions as Tyler prepared for their first union, two lovers becoming one. As Tyler ran his hand over Jordon’s length, Jordon shivered visibly.

Tyler drew back his knee, and with his own hand, he massaged the slick gel into his ass.

Jordon watched that act, licking his lips in hunger. He remembered his brother telling him a magic spot was in there. He couldn’t wait to see the pleasure on Tyler’s face when he found it.

The lubrication was set aside. While their stares connected, Tyler drew Jordon’s cock toward his body. Jordon began to gasp for air, he was so excited.

When the tip of Jordon’s cock rested on Tyler’s ring, Tyler grabbed Jordon by his upper arms and pulled him close. “Make love to me, Jordon,” Tyler hissed, sending shivers all over Jordon's length.

His jaw tensing at the thrill, Jordon pushed in. The first sense of being connected, penetrating this man so intimately, was like a rush of pure adrenaline. He gasped and closed his eyes.

“More…” Tyler purred, raising his hips to tighten their union.

As they pressed their bodies together, sealing their commitment and their devotion, Jordon thought he had found nirvana.

“How is my lover doing?” Tyler asked.

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The care Tyler was showing made Jordon’s throat tighten with emotion, “So good…”

“Baby, make love to me.”

At the encouragement, Jordon began pumping, forcing himself to look at Tyler. Tyler had closed his eyes from the passion, his lips parted, his eyebrows furrowed. Jordon couldn’t believe how beautiful he was at that moment. As his confidence grew, Jordon's hips plunged deeper with more masculine thrusts.

When Tyler grunted in pleasure and his body began to quiver under him, Jordon didn’t want to blink. Tyler raised his hips in a deep, swirling, grinding rhythm that made Jordon’s cock ache for release. Tyler arched his back, opening his mouth and grunting in ecstasy, shooting creamy semen over his own taut chest. At the sight of Tyler in climax, Jordon came, jamming his hips against Tyler’s, both their cocks throbbing inside and between them.

And as if to help prolong Jordon’s orgasm, Tyler gripped Jordon’s ass and pulled it as tightly as he could to himself, moaning in the most luscious way Jordon had ever heard another human being moan.

As he recuperated, Tyler holding him tight, Jordon didn’t know whether to be shocked, or overjoyed, or a little of both.

Tyler unraveled his bent knees to stretch out on the bed. Jordon’s cock slipped out of Tyler. Tyler wrapped Jordon up in his embrace and squeezed. “You are amazing,” Tyler crooned.

“Thank you, Tyler.” Jordon pressed his face into Tyler’s neck, hugging him as close as he could.

“Did you enjoy it?”

“God, yes.”

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“Would you do it with me again?”

Jordon leaned back to see Tyler’s face. Instead of a verbal answer, he met Tyler’s lips, kissing him passionately.

***

After they washed up, Tyler cradled Jordon in his arms. Lulled close to sleep, Jordon overlapped Tyler’s body, his head on Tyler’s chest, his leg across Tyler’s thighs, all the while Tyler combing his fingers through Jordon’s hair.

Bliss.

Jordon finally understood what “head over heels in love” meant. The warmth of their skin, the dewy sweat, and being sated sexually made him feel complete as a man as well as part of an intimate couple. Maybe you did just know when it was right. Perhaps true love wasn’t the stuff of fairytales.

Jordon tried to find motivation, because since Tyler’s arrival at around eleven that morning they had neither eaten nor moved off the bed. Jordon asked lazily, “Anywhere you have to be?”

“Nope.”

“No work on a Monday?”

“My friend Elijah is taking care of it for me.”

Jordon thought about it. “You took time off during wedding season to be here with me?”

“I did. You don’t think I know what’s important, Jordon?”

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That was a new one. Jordon couldn’t imagine being someone’s number one priority. “I wouldn’t want you to lose any work because of me.”

“First of all, I won’t. Secondly, I really don’t like the work very much.”

“I know. I can tell.” Jordon smoothed his hand along Tyler’s hip to his pubic hair. “It said on your MySpace you were networking and would like to meet other models, actors, and agents.”

“It’s not important. Let’s just worry about you.” Tyler kissed his forehead. “How much time have you taken off?”

“A week.”

“Are you going to stay here?”

“I haven’t thought that far ahead. I just needed to get away from the city.”

“Was Fawn living with you?”

“No. She stayed there a few days a month. Ironically, she and Camisha share an apartment. Though she does have a key and some personal possessions at my place, it’s not much. She mostly wore my clothes.”

“Your clothes?”

“Yeah, you know. Slept in my t-shirts, shit like that.”

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Tyler kissed him again in comfort, rubbing his arm.

Jordon accidentally brushed against Tyler’s soft cock as he caressed him. Tyler gave no reaction. Jordon assumed he was deep in thought from the topic of conversation.

Jordon took a peek at it. Yes, he’d seen it come, but he hadn’t touched it yet.

It didn’t look much different from his own. They were both circumcised and similarly endowed. Tyler’s pubic hair was jet black, however, where his was chocolate brown. Other than that… a cock was a cock, wasn’t it?

“Do you think Fawn will go into your condo on her own and take back her things?”

“Probably.” Jordon smoothed his hand around Tyler’s cock, not touching it.

“Are you afraid she’ll get nasty? Vandalize it?”

“If she does, she does. What the fuck am I supposed to do?” Jordon ran his hand down Tyler’s wide thigh. Jordon got a glimpse of Tyler’s balls as his limp cock rested on them.

“Did you have any idea she was attracted to women?”

“I should have been. She really detested anything to do with my dick.” Jordon brushed against Tyler’s with the back of his hand, curious to see what it felt like. It felt like his.

“Really? Like, never touched it? I assume you must have made love.”

“We did. We did make love.” Jordon made a bold move. He cupped his hand over Tyler’s nice

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package.

“I don’t want to talk about Fawn anymore,” Tyler said.

“Me neither.” Jordon massaged it gently. “Man, it is weird touching another guy’s dick.”

“I’m trying to remember my first time.”

Jordon loved how it began to get hard. His did as well, just from the pleasure of making Tyler hard. “You must have been very young.”

“I was. The first time I sucked a man’s cock was on film.”

Jordon sat up to look at Tyler.

Tyler nodded it was true.

“Holy shit.” Jordon kept his hand in contact with Tyler’s dick. “Are you serious?”

“Yes. I was fifteen and knew I liked cock, but I had never sucked one yet.”

“You must have been very nervous.”

“I was. The guy I gave head to was a pro. He’d been in dozens of films before the one he did with me.”

“Fifteen and on film,” Jordon said. “Tyler…”

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“I know. Hell, what can I do about it now?”

Jordon looked at Tyler’s lovely male anatomy. He was still holding onto it, and now Tyler’s dick was almost completely erect as it protruded from Jordon’s hand. “Did your family know?”

“Fuck, no. Are you kidding me?” Tyler coughed in a laugh.

“Do they know now?”

“No.”

Jordon stared back at Tyler’s cock. A thing of beauty? An object of fantasy? It was just a man’s penis. Not that out of the ordinary.

Wrong.

There was nothing ordinary about Tyler Holliday’s cock. Jordon was beginning to have a very fond, if not carnal, attachment to it. He leaned over, licking his lips; Jordon wanted a taste.

“You sure you’re ready for that, Buck?”

Jordon glanced at Tyler’s smile and replied, “If a fifteen-year-old boy could do it on camera, a thirty-year-old stockbroker should have the fucking balls to try it.”

“I was gay. I loved cock, Mr. Buck.”

“I’m getting the feeling I’m in love with this cock, Mr. Holliday.”

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“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Jordon snickered wickedly.

“Give it a taste.”

Jordon made himself comfortable next to Tyler, who propped his head up on the pillows to watch.

The semi-erection was now a full blown hard on. After looking at his own, equally engorged member, Jordon wet his lips in anticipation. He kissed the head of Tyler’s cock, tasting it off his lips. There was no flavor that he could detect. He got up his nerve and licked it.

When he did, Tyler’s hips jerked upward and he whimpered.

Jordon peeked at him. “Damn, you’re easy to please.”

Through heaving breaths, Tyler replied, “I just can’t fucking believe Jordon Buck is licking my cock.”

That comment set Jordon on fire. The look of longing and adoration once again gave him so much confidence and power, Jordon felt reborn. His focus back on the task at hand, literally, Jordon licked it again. It was delightful. Clean, smooth, soft, slightly salty, just like the skin everywhere on Tyler.

“ Ahhh… Jordon…”

“Man,” Jordon laughed, “what would you do if I stuck it into my mouth?”

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“Spurt. Be forewarned.”

“You’d come just from it being in my mouth?”

“Fuck, yeah. Are you kidding me? You have any idea how many times I’ve dreamed of you doing this to me?”

Jordon had no reply. It was so wonderful to be that desirable to someone, he couldn’t think of a thing to say.

“I love you, Jordon. Do what you’re comfortable with. I have no expectations and will adore you for whatever you give me.”

“Who the hell are you?” Jordon laughed. “No one has ever said those things to me. No expectations? Happy with what you get?”

“I’m a man who is wild about you. That’s who I am.” Tyler sat up to kiss his lips, then dropped down again on the pillow.

Jordon savored the taste of Tyler’s mouth and gazed back at that engorged cock again. He had held it in his fingers so it was upright during the conversation, and it was throbbing on and off in a delightful way the entire time.

Jordon smoothed his cheek against the silky, hot skin of that organ. When a sticky drop dragged across his face, Jordon became interested instantly. He ran the head of Tyler’s cock along his lips so he could taste this mysterious concoction. It certainly wasn’t objectionable. Tangy, savory… he took a good lick.

“ Ahh!” Tyler’s hips jerked up in response.

All of the muscles in Tyler’s stomach and chest tensed when he reacted. The sight of that fit, athletic form put Jordon into heat. “Christ, Tyler…”

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“I’m sorry.”

“Sorry? Sorry I’m gorgeous, Jordon? Sorry I look like a fucking Olympic athlete, Jordon?”

“All right, be quiet.” Tyler grinned shyly.

“You be quiet and let me figure this out.”

“Promise… er, no. I can’t promise. Your tongue and lips are driving me out of my fucking mind.”

“I haven’t even done anything to you yet.”

“I’m shutting up now.” Tyler smiled.

Jordon settled down and once again licked the head over the slit, tasting Tyler’s pre-come juices. Gasps, breathy hisses of desire and rapture, were now a constant hum in Jordon’s ears. They were making him so hot his own cock was beginning to drip as well.

Jordon closed his eyes, allowing Tyler’s appetizing aroma to fill his senses. Jordon opened his lips and took the head of Tyler’s cock into his mouth. Tyler groaned in elation. Jordon was getting such a thrill out of pleasing this hunk he almost forgot he was actually sucking another man’s penis.

“Jordon… oh, Jordon…”

He just couldn’t remember Fawn being this keen on anything he did. One time, way in the beginning of their courtship, he vaguely recalled some dramatic orgasmic scene she had obviously performed for him, but he never knew if she was faking it. He did now.

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Jordon let Tyler’s erection penetrate deeper into his mouth. Then he actually sucked. An “ augh” sound of pleasure came from Tyler and he raised his hips again in reflex. The more Tyler reacted, the more Jordon liked it. It was a damn blowjob. There was nothing not to like. It was delightful and certainly shouldn’t have been something Fawn was so reluctant to do. Christ! He could do it! Why couldn’t she?

What’s the big fucking deal, Fawn? Look! Just suck it, you prima donna. And with that sentiment in his head, he went for it, gripping Tyler’s cock around the base, squeezing it. Jordon sucked from his fingers to the tip, drawing tight and hard on it, and moaning as he did because it was turning him on so much he was ready to spurt with Tyler.

“I’m getting close, babe,” Tyler warned, his hands clenching, his chest rising and falling rapidly.

Come. Come. Come.

“I’m serious, Jordon! I can’t hold back.”

Come! Come! Come!

“Fuck!” Tyler howled, arching his back and his body convulsing.

The first blast stunned Jordon. It was thick and hot and covered the back of his tongue. Just as he gulped it down, another surge filled his mouth. His eyes widened in shock. Down it went. He paused, waiting for a third blast. Jordon breathed through his nose as his lips stayed put. When Tyler’s cock continued to throb, but no longer shot out semen, he slowly backed away and caught his breath.

Before he could even open his mouth to say a word, Tyler leapt up, taking him into his arms, and cried, “I love you! Oh-my-God, Jordon Buck, you amazing fucking man!”

He was smothered in kisses, pressed down on the bed and lavished with so much gratitude, Jordon was giddy.

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“Love you… love you…” Tyler ran his lips down Jordon’s neck to his sternum.

Jordon wriggled in pleasure. He had never had a sex session like this in his entire life. Never. Bryan! You fucking SOB! This is what sex is like for you? I hate you! Hate you! Jordon almost laughed at his jealousy of his brother.

Then it occurred to him. It wasn’t just because they were just two guys having oral sex. It was because of the deep affection he felt for this man. For Tyler Holliday and the incredible trust and love they shared. Yes, Bryan had had plenty of men suck his cock, but did he ever have it from a man who loved him as much as Tyler loved Jordon? Or vice versa? Jordon doubted Bryan had ever experienced the kind of passion he was sharing now with Tyler.

As Tyler crooned his love, kissing all the way down to Jordon’s pubic hair, Jordon shivered from the chills. Tyler held Jordon’s cock upright with a light prod of his right palm, and began lapping at it from base to tip.

“Ohhh, ohhh…” Here we fucking go! Jordon stretched his arms and legs out on the bed, spread eagle. Tingles of fire tightened his balls up and a rush of sexual thrills flashed through his cock to his ass. “I can’t believe my dick is getting sucked again. Holy shit.”

Tyler’s rumbling laughter vibrated his cock, causing Jordon to shiver. A flash of those baby blues made his toes curl. He was an inferno suddenly. Someone had lit the sheets on fire under him. Tyler gently folded Jordon’s knees back against him, exposing Jordon’s bottom. Jordon gulped audibly.

Tyler separate Jordon’s ass cheeks and then Jordon felt a tongue on his rim. A goddamn tongue was teasing his ass.

“Holy fuck.” Jordon peeked at his own cock. It was about to burst it was so engorged. A river of clear liquid ran down its length.

Jordon froze in position, astonished at what he was receiving. Jordon wondered if the man on man loving repertoire was simply an endless parade of Felliniesque hallucinations or if he had already blacked out and was dreaming.

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The licking got downright crazy. When Tyler’s tongue lapped across his ring to the base of his balls, Jordon thought he might come. Nothing was touching his dick, but that didn’t seem to be important at the moment.

When that tongue stiffened and penetrated, Jordon shouted out in pure unadulterated joy. His cock throbbed and more liquid ran down its side. He wanted to say something, to tell Tyler it was sublime, but nothing passed his lips except whimpering cries.

His lower back finally made it to the mattress below him. Jordon didn’t even know Tyler had lifted him off it.

Tyler reached for the lube. Jordon began to pant nervously. He trusted Tyler and said nothing. He waited. Was it his turn to find out what the hell was up his ass to give him pleasure? Christ, just Tyler’s tongue put him into the stratosphere.

Again those sky blue eyes met his. Jordon mouthed, “I love you.”

A wicked grin followed.

Jordon waited, for what pleasure he couldn’t imagine, but knew it would be good. He couldn’t help but think of his brother savoring this kind of sexual satisfaction. Yeah, but could anyone be as good in bed as Tyler?

Before Tyler did anything else, he began licking the sticky drops off Jordon’s cock. Jordon stiffened and dug his head into the pillow at the stimulation. “Wow.”

With his left hand, Tyler guided Jordon’s length in and out of his mouth. Just the feel of that wet velvety heat would have been enough, but Tyler had more to offer.

Tyler began toying with Jordon’s ass again. The surge to Jordon’s dick almost sent come through it, it

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was so powerful. He waited. After what Bryan had described, he had a feeling he would be astounded.

That fingertip urged its way in, opening up the tight ring. Jordon almost passed out from the electricity it sent up his spine. Then, suddenly, something happened inside Jordon’s body. A sensation of pleasure shot through him that was so intense it almost knocked him off the bed.

“AH!” he shrieked and instantly came in a fountain of spray.

Tyler jumped on top of Jordon’s dick to catch it, sucking the rest out while massaging an inner spot that was pure untainted-mother-fucking-cock-sucking-pleasure.

Jordon was milked and the climax prolonged and that G-spot, or whatever the fuck it was, was screwed along with his ass. Jordon was hooked.

“I’m gay. I’m so fucking gay.”

Tyler backed away from sucking his cock and roared with laughter.

Tyler rolled on the bed, holding his gut in hilarity. Jordon grinned at him happily, diving on him and pinning him, chuckling with him until Tyler calmed down, dabbing at his eyes from his hysteria. Finally they once again met gazes. “Hold me, Tyler.”

Instantly, his expression softened to one of pure love. Tyler wrapped around Jordon’s chest and cuddled him close.

“I finally found heaven.” Jordon sighed deeply.

“And I found my angel.” Tyler kissed his face.

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Chapter Thirteen

“We should get out of bed. This is ridiculous.”

Tyler nestled Jordon closer. “Up to you. I can stay like this for months.”

“Let me at least make us something to eat. It’s nearly five.”

Tyler rolled on top of Jordon. “I know what I want to eat.”

“Get over here, pretty man.” Jordon cupped Tyler’s face and drew him to his lips.

On contact, Tyler felt his cock throb. When he parted from Jordon’s mouth, Tyler teased, “Nets or Knicks?”

Jordon gave him a giddy laugh. “Knicks! You kiddin’ me?”

“I ain’t kiddin’ you,” Tyler replied teasingly, wriggling on him.

Softening his expression, Jordon caressed Tyler’s face. “How long can you stay?”

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“Up to you. I told you.”

After a long moment where they stared at each other wistfully, Jordon said softly, “If you’re with me, I can go back to the city.”

“I’m with you there or here.” Tyler didn’t give a shit where they were, as long as they were together. As far as his job was concerned, he’d begged Elijah to hold down the fort for him, but knew he couldn’t ask that of him all week.

“Stay with me here tonight. We’ll go back to Manhattan together tomorrow.”

Tyler kissed him in agreement.

“How did you get here?” Jordon caressed Tyler’s hair back from the side of his cheek.

“I drove.”

“Me too.”

“I know. I saw your car in the driveway.”

“Not too many New Yorkers own a car.”

“I’m one of them.” Tyler smiled, licking the rough stubble on Jordon’s jaw.

“One of them,” Jordon echoed, like he was getting immersed somewhere in his head.

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“Am I losing you, Mr. Buck?”

“Hm?”

“Is it the starvation? Loss of manly juices?” Tyler started chuckling when it seemed Jordon was in a zone.

“Tyler?”

“Jordon?”

“Are we a couple now?”

“Do you want us to be?”

“Yes.”

“Good.” Tyler’s stomach flipped in excitement.

“Am I rebounding?”

“Rebound into me.” Tyler wrapped him up tighter into an embrace.

“You’ll be loyal? Promise?”

“Promise.” Tyler kissed his face all over, squirming against him.

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“I believe you. I trust you, Tyler.”

“I’m not your brother, Jordon. I know how to say no.”

“I have no idea how to deal with a man on man relationship. Will you be patient with me?”

“Of course. But I’m going to inform you, as long as you have loyalty and trust, it’s not going to be challenging for us, lover.”

“You have that.”

Tyler kissed him again. “What about coming out? Any fears?”

“None whatsoever.”

Tyler set back from him in surprise. “Really?”

“Really. I don’t care. My parents are okay with it. Work? No big deal. Adrian Tripp is out. A man who just left to travel with his lover, Brock Hart, was out. I’ll get no grief.”

“Cool. There’re no obstacles.”

“No. None. You must be hungry.”

“I am. All right? I just don’t want to get out of bed and stop being naked with you.” Tyler licked Jordon’s neck up to his earlobe.

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“We’ll have a bite and get back to bed. How’s that?”

“Perfect.” Tyler gave him another good, long hug.

***

Jordon sipped a glass of wine as he stir-fried some rice and vegetables. “My stomach’s empty. This glass is going to my head.”

“A cheap drunk? My lucky day.” Tyler sat at the kitchen table, watching him.

When the phone rang, Jordon gave it a pained look.

“You want me to take over on the food?” Tyler asked.

“I got it.” Jordon picked up the cordless. “Hello?”

“Jordon. Blithe phoned me.”

He twisted over his shoulder to Tyler and whispered, “It’s my mother.” Tyler nodded. As he returned to stir his rice and vegetables, Jordon sighed. “So? Aren’t you going to say I told you so?”

“That doesn’t sound like me or your father, does it?”

“No. It doesn’t. It sounds more like me telling myself.” He laughed sadly and tossed sliced chicken into the middle of the wok. It sizzled as he stirred it.

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“Are you all right?”

“Yes. I’m better than all right.” Jordon peeked back at Tyler and winked at him.

“Really? I expected you to be in shock. I mean, Blithe didn’t tell me the details, but it sounded like you and Fawn had a terrible argument and the engagement was off.”

“The irony of what has happened between last night and right now isn’t lost on me, Mom. And it won’t be lost on you.” Jordon poured a mixture of soy sauce and cornstarch on top of the chicken and stirred it around the sizzling pan. He cupped the phone and whispered to Tyler, “Crack an egg for me and beat it up, will you?”

Tyler jumped to his feet and opened the fridge.

“Irony?” Maureen asked. “What irony are you talking about?”

“Let me start with a phone call from my wedding planner.” Jordon watched Tyler whisk the egg in a clear glass bowl.

“Uh huh…” she replied.

“I’ll get to that.” Jordon took the bowl and poured it into the middle of the wok. He had pushed the chicken aside, making space for the egg to solidify. “He called me Sunday night after Fawn mentioned she was meeting the girls for a drink.”

“Yes. I remember her saying that at lunch.”

Jordon held the phone between his ear and shoulder, giving the rice mixture a good stir and spin around in the hot pan, shutting the flame. “He asked me to meet him at the ‘lesbian’ bar she was at.”

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“Lesbian bar.”

“Yes. It gets better. Wait.” Jordon waved Tyler over. “It’s done. Scoop some out.”

“I’ll wait for you,” he whispered.

“No. Go ahead. I’ll eat now too.”

“Jordon?”

“I’m here, Mom. Well, I got there, and gee whiz!” he exclaimed sarcastically. “There’s my fiancée kissing and feeling up the tits of her best friend and co-worker, Camisha.”

“No.”

“Yes.” Jordon held a plate near the wok as Tyler filled it for him. “Good,” he whispered, indicating it was enough, then he sat down at the table with Tyler. Jordon continued, “Anyway, I confronted her right there about it.” He took a bite using chopsticks, pleasantly surprised Tyler used them like a pro as well.

“I can’t believe it,” Maureen sighed.

“All the time I’m thinking it’s me. That I’m unattractive. Suck in bed.” He met Tyler’s eye and got a sexy wink.

“Oh, Jordon, I’m sick about it.”

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“Don’t be.” Jordon sipped his ice water. “You know something, Mom?”

“What, Jordon?”

“You remember me doubting that true love exists? That it’s the stuff of fairytales?”

“I do. I can hardly imagine what you think of love now. After this fiasco.”

“Tyler Holliday is here with me, Mom.” Jordon was so damn proud he was about to burst. “And guess what?”

“Tell me!” she shouted in excitement.

“I’m madly in love. Everything you said I needed to feel, I feel for him.” Jordon reached out to touch Tyler’s hand. Tyler set his chopsticks down and kissed Jordon’s knuckles.

“I knew there was a spark between you two when I found you both that day in the lobby of your building.”

“It’s no spark, Mom. It’s a goddamn firestorm.” Jordon felt his cock rise to the occasion.

“And he pleases you sexually?”

“Mother!” Jordon feigned shock, playfully adding, “He pleases me sexually, intellectually, spiritually… need I go on?”

“No. No need. I was worried about you all alone in Montclair. I’m no longer worried.”

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“I’m in good hands, Mom. Very damn good hands.”

“Jordon, I’m blushing.”

“I’m surprised you can still blush after what you said Bryan tells you.”

“You’re my favorite. Don’t tell.”

He chuckled, his smile never leaving Tyler’s. “My lips are sealed.”

“Yes, but sealed around what, that’s the question?”

Jordon choked, “Jesus!”

“Sorry. That was crass. Look, enjoy yourself, forget Fawn, and call me when you’re back in the city.”

“I will. Say hi to Dad for me.”

“I love you, Jordon.”

“You too, Mom. See ya.” He hung up, set the phone down on the table, and continued eating. “She already loves you.”

“Yeah?” Tyler devoured his food.

“Yeah.” Jordon winked.

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Chapter Fourteen

The next day Jordon stood at the elevator of his building, Tyler at his side. In silence they entered it and rode to the top floor. He unlocked the door with his key. Jordon pushed back the door, expecting the unexpected. Would Fawn have wreaked havoc on his home? Shredded his furniture, spray-painted graffiti on his walls?

The penthouse was completely calm and serene. Nothing out of the ordinary.

Jordon tossed his keys on the kitchen table where paperwork had been left -- guest lists, bridal shops, photographer information.

Next to the neat stack of paperwork was a note, a set of keys, and a ring.

Jordon picked up the two-carat diamond ring and inspected it for a minute before reading the note.

Jordy,

I’m sorry. I suppose I kept the engagement going because I just wasn’t sure what I wanted. You were the perfect man, Jordy. You let me be me, you didn’t try to strangle me, change me…

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But when you found me and Camisha together it did make me think. I hadn’t been fair to her either. And to be honest, Jordy, it’s Camisha I love, not you.

I hope you can forgive me.

Fawn

“You okay?”

Jordon spun around at Tyler’s voice. “Yes.” He gave him the note to read.

Once he had, he said, “That’s actually very civil of her, Jordon.”

“It is. I can’t exactly say I blame her.” Jordon delicately placed the ring back in on the table. “If she loves Camisha, she needs to follow her heart.”

Tyler set the paper down and embraced Jordon, sealing their bodies together, rocking him gently. “I have a few things I need to do today, Mr. Buck. Will you be okay?”

“I’ll be fine.” Jordon pecked his lips.

“Interested in a workout? Or too exhausted?”

“No. I want a workout.”

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“Good. I love getting sweaty with you.” Tyler kissed him passionately.

Jordon draped his arms over Tyler’s shoulders and met his eyes. “You know… if you lived in this building, you’d get access to the gym every day, no guest pass, no hassles.”

“I can’t afford to live in this building, Jordon.”

“Rent free.” Jordon pressed his hard cock into Tyler’s.

“Are you inviting me to move in?”

“I am. Too soon? Too impulsive?”

Tyler lowered his eyes shyly, smiling.

“I told you I’m not good at this man on man thing,” Jordon said. “Do I sound like a clingy woman?”

Tyler’s crystal blue eyes met his again. “I would love to live with you, Mr. Buck.”

A chill of delight washed over Jordon’s body. “Thank fuck. I didn’t know what I would do if you said no.”

“You’d convince me? Wrestle me for it?”

“I love you, Mr. Holliday.”

Page 311


“I love you too, Jordon.” Tyler kissed him again. “Right. Let me go. I’ll be here at around four? Suit you?”

“Bring your PJs and toothbrush.”

“I sleep naked.”

“Growl!” Jordon’s pulse soared.

“But I’ll bring the toothbrush and change of clothes. How’s that?”

“Perfect.” Jordon didn’t want to let him go. They were attached at the mouth and in a delightful full body hug. “I know you have to go.” Jordon panted in excitement.

“Want a quickie for the road?”

“Yeah?” Jordon’s cock throbbed.

“Yeah.” Tyler picked Jordon up over his shoulder and carried him to the bedroom.

“Another blowjob? Am I dreaming? I’m in head-heaven!” Jordon laughed as he was set down on his bed.

“Take off your pants, Buck.” Tyler grinned down at him wickedly.

“I’ll do you too.” Jordon shimmied out of his slacks.

Page 312


“Oh? Wanna try sixty-nine?”

The wave of excitement that washed over Jordon’s body felt like a swoon. “Yes.” He swallowed in anticipation, dropping his pants off the bed.

They were naked in seconds.

Jordon lay back with his head on the pillows, watching as Tyler’s gorgeous body was revealed to him once again. “I can so get used to this.”

Tyler’s amused chuckle made the chills wash over Jordon’s skin. “Are you ready for me?” Tyler asked.

“Let the games begin.” Jordon reached out for him. When Tyler straddled Jordon’s head, Jordon sighed in pleasure. Before he could even touch him, Tyler was already devouring Jordon’s cock deeply, wasting no time.

“Holy shit!” The intensity overwhelmed him. He latched onto Tyler’s hips. Jordon had yet to make a move, closing his eyes, tensing his body, the urge to come already washing up his cock and churning in his balls.

“Did I lose you again, Mr. Buck?”

Jordon shook himself out of his dream and held Tyler’s engorged cock, sliding it inside his mouth. The moment he had, Tyler spread Jordon’s ass cheeks and lapped at his ring and balls zealously.

Groaning with his mouth full, Jordon became a helpless mass of quivering lust. He clamped his hands around Tyler’s cock to keep it in his mouth as Jordon’s body rocked and rolled. Jordon whimpered and almost levitated off the bed. His balls were sucked, his ass explored with wet fingers, his cock drawn on like a Hoover, and all the while he whimpered in ecstasy as Tyler pumped gently against his lips and tongue. The combination finally worked its magic. Tyler’s fingers massaging inside him, his hand fisting in tandem with his mouth, Jordon convulsed in a climax.

Page 313


When Jordon came, he sucked hard on Tyler’s cock, kneading Tyler’s balls, rubbing hot friction on Tyler’s root to his ass. It was his turn to taste come.

His mouth was filled. Jordon thrust his hips up and down, still fucking that fantastic mouth that had the mystical power to prolong even the most intense orgasm. He allowed Tyler’s dick to slip out of his mouth so he could breathe. Jordon continued to fondle those heavy balls, languishing in the softness of the skin around them.

“My God,” Jordon gasped, “they keep getting stronger and lasting longer.”

“Mm…” Tyler rubbed his face into Jordon’s crotch.

Jordon stared up at the sight above him and caressed Tyler’s tight ass cheeks. “I know you have to go, Mr. Holliday.”

“I do. I’ll be back at four.” Tyler carefully raised his knee to spin around and drop on Jordon so they were face to face. “Want a taste?” Tyler licked his top lip, teasingly.

“Do you?” Jordon laughed shyly.

Tyler cupped behind Jordon’s head and drew him up to meet his mouth. Jordon swooned in rapture, feeling dizzy. When had sex ever been so fulfilling? Erotic? Passionate?

After they parted, Tyler gazed seriously at Jordon. “Are you sure you’re okay here?”

“I am. I’m fine.” Jordon said, “Are you kidding? I’ve never been better!”

“Good. Let me go.” Tyler climbed off the bed to get dressed.

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While he did the same, Jordon couldn’t stop smiling. He was so happy it was criminal.

He walked Tyler out, reaching for Tyler’s hand. “Take these.” He dropped the set of keys into Tyler’s palm.

A look of complete surprise followed. “You’re sure?”

“Am I sure?” Jordon laughed at the absurdity.

Tyler embraced him, kissing him. “I love you.”

“I love you too. Go so you can get back here,” Jordon said, patting Tyler affectionately on the bottom.

“I’ll see you later.” Tyler pecked his lips one last time.

“I’ll be here.” Jordon watched Tyler walk down the hall, waiting until he was in the elevator. Jordon received his thrown kiss and shut his door. He was still grinning and figured he would be all day.

He headed back to the bedroom to make some phone calls about work. Jordon paused and stared down at the diamond ring. “What the heck am I supposed to do with this? She should have kept it.” He was about to move on when he noticed the guest list. He wondered how many people knew about the cancellation and figured his mother and Blithe could do the honors. After all, they had only announced the engagement, nothing more.

He scanned his mother’s list, curious to see who she thought was important enough to include. A name stood out. Suddenly a light bulb went on in his head. He grabbed the phone.

“Spencer and Epstein Modeling Agency. How may I direct your call?”

Page 315


“Claire Epstein, please,” Jordon replied, tapping the diamond ring on the table anxiously.

“Who may I tell her is calling?”

“Her cousin Jordon.”

“One moment please.”

Jordon chewed his lip, losing himself in the sparkle of the brilliant-cut diamond.

“Hey, cuz!”

“Claire! How the hell are you?”

“Busy ogling gorgeous men. Life’s a bitch.” She laughed. “What are you up to? Mom told me you were getting married. She said Aunt Maureen asked if she and Dad were going to fly in from Seattle for it.”

“There’s no wedding, Claire. It didn’t work out.”

“I’m sorry, Jordon. Did the invitations go out? Is that why you’re calling?”

“No. Thank God. They didn’t. We didn’t get that far.”

“Oh. Yes. That’s a good thing.”

Page 316


“Look, Claire. I have a huge favor to ask you.”

“Anything. I owe you for all those times you supplied the weed when we were kids.”

He replied, “Christ, don’t tell my mom that.”

“What’s up, Jordon?”

“I met this man.”

“Uh oh… you’re gay? Christ, is everyone?”

“I’m beginning to think everyone is.”

“First my brother Scott, then your brother Bryan… is it contagious?”

“When are you going to find a nice girl to settle down with, Claire?” Jordon teased.

“Believe me, it’s something my business partner Jenine and I have discussed. We suck at straight relationships, but that’s another story. Tell me about your man.”

“He’s too beautiful to describe. Seriously.”

“Ooh, I like him already!”

“He wants desperately to be a model, Claire.”

Page 317


“And?”

“There’s a catch.”

“And what’s the catch?”

“When he was a young man, he did some x-rated gay porn films.”

“Crap.”

Jordon tried not to sink. “Claire, please. Take him on. Get him the kind of work he loves.”

“That shit always comes back to haunt a guy, Jordon.”

“Can’t you do anything? Change his damn name so no one can find him?”

“It’s worth a try. How old is he now, and how long ago were the movies? Give me details.”

“He’s twenty-eight, and he did around a half a dozen of them when he was between fifteen and eighteen.”

“Jesus!”

“I know. It’s terrible he was taken advantage of like that. I just don’t think he should pay for it for the rest of his life.”

Page 318


“What’s he doing to earn a living now, Jordon?”

Jordon replied, “He was my wedding planner.” Instantly he heard his cousin rolling with hilarity at the other end. “All right, Claire. Calm down.”

“I love it!” After she regained her composure, she said, “Bring him in. Let’s see how he photographs.”

“When?” Jordon’s heart skipped.

“Tomorrow? Any time. Just get him to change his name, Jordon.”

“I don’t think he’d mind. Seriously.”

“What’s his name?”

“Tyler Holliday.”

“How about Tyler Buck?” she giggled. “I love the way that sounds.”

“Tyler Buck? Do you still smoke dope?” he teased. He loved the way it sounded as well.

“I’ll never tell.”

“How’s Scott doing?” Jordon reclined in the chair.

Page 319


“Good. In Hollywood rehearsing his latest film. Some crime drama. He plays a detective.”

“Nice. Is he still with that British model?”

“He is. But Ian’s all over the place. He’s been in Europe quite a lot, but when he’s in the States he stays in L.A.”

“That must be hard.” Jordon couldn’t imagine not having Tyler with him all the time now.

“It is. Scott goes nuts, he’s so jealous, but Ian’s loyal to a fault. And the boy gets offers, Jordon, believe me.”

Jordon asked, “Ian Sullivan is loyal to Scott, even though he’s out of the country a lot?”

Claire asked, “Why does it sound like you have a hard time believing that?”

“I guess the concept that gay men can have a monogamous relationship is new to me, Claire. Bryan’s a slut.”

She cracked up.

“He’s also going to be opening in a new play.”

“Great!”

“ Hair.You want tickets?”

Page 320


“Of course I do!”

“I’ll make sure you get a pair. Bring Jenine,” he said, his tongue in his cheek.

“I will. Don’t you worry. Okay, cuz, call me or stop by here tomorrow. We’ll get a look at your pretty new man.”

“I promise you’ll be impressed.”

“I better be. I wasn’t impressed with Fawn. Who names their kid Fawn?”

“Better than Bambi.” Jordon stared back at the ring.

“True. See ya, Jordon.”

“Bye, Claire. Thanks again.” He hung up and smiled happily. He couldn’t wait to tell Tyler.

***

While the owner of the florist shop watched anxiously, Tyler inspected the flower arrangements. “These roses will open too soon. You have anything closed? It has to last until Saturday, Derek.”

“They’ll be in the freezer, Tyler.”

“That’s no guarantee. I don’t want a floor full of white petals, you got that?” Christ, he hated this work. Tyler ran his hand through his hair in annoyance.

Page 321


“They won’t be.”

“They better not be.” He turned around, checking the centerpieces. “Same goes for these. People don’t need flowers on their dinner plates.”

“If they blow open, I’ll change them.”

“Good. That’s all I ask.” Tyler shook Derek’s hand. “Just get it right and you’ll get more business from me.”

“That’s my aim.”

“Good man.” Tyler left, checking his messages, hearing a frantic woman’s voice. He dialed as he hailed a cab while walking down the busy sidewalk. “Carla?”

“Tyler! My dress! They ruined my dress!”

“Calm down. Where are you?” He read his watch.

“West Twentieth Street!”

“I’m on my way.” He disconnected the phone at the same time that a yellow taxi pulled over. After he relayed the address, he rested his head back on the seat and closed his eyes. There had to be a better way to earn a living than this.

Ten minutes later, Tyler paid the fare and jogged into the bridal shop. “Carla?” he tried to shout quietly as he looked around.

He found the plump bride-to-be standing at a triple mirror, near tears.

Page 322


“Tyler!” She reached out for his hand.

“What is it, sweetie? You look like a princess.”

“I look fat.”

“Nonsense.” He released her hand and fluffed out the layers of lace and satin. “Carla, you don’t look fat.”

“What about here?” She pointed to a roll in the waist.

Tyler drew the employee that was assisting her closer. “Can we add a layer of Chantilly lace here? Just three inches? Drape it over the waistline?”

“We could do that.” She nodded.

“Carla?” Tyler held her hand. “If they sew a tiny slip of lace here,” he touched her lightly, “no one will see anything.”

“You sure?” She dabbed a tear at the corner of her eye.

“I am, Carla. Trust me. You look ravishing in this gown. Don’t be nervous.”

“Oh, Tyler.” She hugged him, almost knocking him off his feet from her enthusiasm.

“Don’t worry, dear. Everything will be perfect for your special day.” He petted her hair gently.

Page 323


“What would I do without you?”

Tyler wished he knew the answer to that question. He wanted everyone in this business to do without him.

***

Jordon wore his workout shorts and tank top, pacing, checking the time. He refrained from calling Tyler. He wanted to make sure Tyler was still interested in modeling and speak to him in person about it.

When he heard a key turning in his lock, Jordon raced to the door. Tyler was there, a big smile on his face, wearing his seductively tight Lycra shorts and top, carrying his gym bag. “Honey, I’m home!” Tyler teased.

Jordon closed the gap between them, swinging Tyler in his arms and kissing him passionately.

“Wow!” Tyler dropped the bag and keys and hugged him tight. “Now that’s a nice way to be greeted after a hard day’s work.”

“Come here. I have something to talk to you about.” Jordon held his hand and brought him to the sofa in the living room.

“Have you reconsidered me living here?” Tyler sat down next to him.

“Why? Have you?” Jordon’s smile vanished.

“No.”

Page 324


“No, neither have I. Stop being like me and be confident of our love.”

“Sorry. What were you going to say?” Tyler dug his hand into Jordon’s hair, making him tingle.

“Look, how much do you like what you do? You know, planning weddings?”

A snarl instantly formed on Tyler’s lip and he dropped his hand to his lap. “Like what I do? Are you being funny on purpose? Didn’t we have this conversation?”

“I just wanted to be sure. I have a surprise for you.”

“Oh?” Tyler perked up.

“Have you ever heard of Spencer and Epstein Modeling Agency?”

Tyler tilted his head warily at Jordon. “They’re the biggest modeling firm in the state, maybe even east of the Mississippi. What’s your point?”

“You have an appointment for a shoot with them tomorrow. If you want it.” Jordon rubbed Tyler’s thigh up to the edge of his gray Lycra shorts.

A skeptical look followed. “Don’t joke about it. Jordon, I’ve sent letters to them before, they had no interest in me.”

“They do now.”

“Why do they now?”

Page 325


“I spoke to my cousin. Claire Epstein.” Jordon gloated. Why not? He had a connection.

The look on Tyler’s face was priceless. “CousinClaire Epstein?”

“Yes.” Jordon rubbed the large bulge that appeared under Tyler’s shorts.

“You’re related to the owner?”

“Her mom and my mom are sisters. She’s my first cousin, and a close cousin, I might add.”

“And… and you got me in with her?”

Jordon loved the awe on Tyler’s face. “I did, pretty man.”

“Oh, my God!”

“She wants you to go for a shoot tomorrow. Want to?”

“Want to? Are you seriously asking me if I want to go to a photo shoot at Spencer and Epstein?”

“One tiny catch.”

“Oh.” Tyler deflated. “What?”

Page 326


“She wants you to change your name, you know, so it’ll be harder for anyone to… well.”

“That’s no problem.” He perked back up.

“She…” Jordon blushed. “She suggested Tyler Buck. Isn’t she a riot?”

Tyler’s eyes lit on fire. He dove on top of Jordon, pinning him to the couch. “Yes! I get you and your name? Jordon, am I dreaming?”

Jordon gaped at Tyler in astonishment. “You… you want my name?”

Tyler wriggled all over Jordon, kissing his face and neck. “Please. Call me your name. Make me yours, lover. We can’t do it by marriage in New York, but we can do it for the excuse of celebrity.”

Jordon had no idea when he had phoned Claire that Tyler would be so enthusiastic. And the reasons made him want to cry. But he couldn’t cry. He’d never been very good at it.

When Tyler leaned up to see his face, Jordon felt his lip tremble. Why did love come with so much fear? He’d never allowed anyone to make him feel so vulnerable before, and it was petrifying.

“Call me your name,” Tyler said with his lips against Jordon’s.

It finally broke in him. Jordon squeezed Tyler as tightly as he could against him. Tears ran down his cheeks like rivers.

He was so relieved he had emotions in him, powerful ones he thought he had lost decades ago, Jordon rejoiced in his sobs.

Page 327


“Baby? Have I upset you?” Tyler panicked, trying to draw back to see Jordon’s expression.

“No.” Jordon didn’t let up his grip. “For the first time in my fucking life I feel alive. God, Tyler, take my name. Take my name!”

Tyler snaked his arms around Jordon’s back and rocked him. “I love you. I love you.”

“I love you too, Tyler, with all my goddamn heart.”

Epilogue

“Ew,” Jordon moaned, whispering, covering his eyes. “Tell me when I can look.”

Tyler chuckled. “It’s not just Bryan who’s nude. You’re missing some nice bods, Jordon.”

“I can’t. If I see my brother naked, I’ll barf.” Jordon hid his face against Tyler’s shoulder.

Tyler kissed his hair affectionately. “It’s over. You can look.”

“Thank God.” Jordon spun around in his seat, gazing down their row. His mother, father, and Mr.

Page 328


Adrian Tripp were watching the performance with big smiles on their face.

Well, his brother was fantastic. He had an amazing voice. Jordon relaxed to enjoy the rest of this Sixties revival.

***

They stood out front of the theater waiting for Bryan and Adrian to join them. Jordon held Tyler around the waist, chuckling as he said to his mother and father, “Well, that was more than I wanted to see of my brother in a lifetime.”

“It was dark and quick, Jordon,” Maureen said. “You hardly saw a thing.”

“Is that right, Dad?” Jordon couldn’t contain his laughter at his father’s expression.

Bruce made a grimace of pain. “I agree with Jordon. I didn’t need to see my youngest son in his birthday suit.”

“You’ve seen him naked before, Bruce.” Maureen brushed him off with a wave.

“Not since he was a toddler, Maureen.” Bruce choked.

“Changing the subject,” Maureen said to her husband “Don’t they make a lovely couple, dear?”

“I like Tyler better than Fawn,” Bruce replied, “but I wasn’t going to tell Jordon that.”

“Hello!” Bryan bounded out of the front entrance holding Adrian’s hand. “How was I? Wasn’t it fantastic?”

Page 329


Jordon caught Adrian’s wicked smile as Jordon told his brother, “You were too naked for my liking, Bry.”

“One second?” Bryan protested. “I’m nude for a millisecond and that’s all you have to critique?”

“You were delicious,” Adrian said, kissing Bryan’s cheek.

“Thank you, Adrian.” Bryan grinned.

“Aunt Maureen! Uncle Bruce!”

They all spun around to see Claire rushing toward them. After she kissed everyone in greeting, introducing Jenine, her partner, she said, “Good job, Bryan. I had no idea you could sing so well.”

“Thank you, Claire.” Bryan stuck out his tongue at everyone else. “At least she could see past the nude scene.”

“Er, no. Not really.” She laughed. “Oh, Tyler,” she said, grabbing his arm, “I have great news for you. Before I left the office today, I got an offer for your bod.”

“Fantastic!” Tyler squeezed Jordon tighter.

“You standing next to a big Ford truck.” She used a deep voice teasingly, folding her arms over her chest and puffing up. “Big macho manly man.”

“Thank you, Claire,” Tyler replied excitedly.

Page 330


“Good money. Quit your day job,” she gushed, elbowing him.

“Congratulations, Tyler.” Jordon spun him around to hug.

“Yes, congratulations,” Maureen echoed. “How wonderful!”

Jenine piped up, “Tyler Buck will be the next big model in Times Square.”

Jordon took a quick look at everyone’s confused expressions. That cat wasn’t out of the bag yet. It was now.

“Are you two married?” Adrian covered his smile.

“Well…” Tyler's cheeks went crimson.

Claire burst out, “Yes! They wanted to have the same name, isn’t it adorable?”

Jordon knew she was helping Tyler hide his past. Besides, how many people needed to know? It wasn’t Claire’s fault nearly everyone in their inner circle already did.

“Do you want to get married?” Maureen asked seriously.

Jordon gazed at his lover. “I do one day. We’ll have to find a wedding planner. The one I know isn’t in that line of work any longer.”

Tyler urged him closer, grinning at him affectionately. “He may not be in the business, but he knows damn well how to throw a party.”

Page 331


Jordon took a quick look at his family first, found their proud smiles, and whispered to Tyler, “Kiss me, you handsome fool.”

Tyler dipped him low on the city sidewalk, giving him a passionate smooch.

“Wow!” Bryan coughed in surprise. “And I thought I was tonight’s star attraction.”

Once Jordon was set back upright, he blinked in awe at the intensity of the kiss. “You can have your fame, Bryan.” Jordon gripped Tyler to his side. “Tonight is yours to celebrate. I have the rest of my life to celebrate mine.”

“Champagne!” Claire shouted, waving her arms. “My treat!”

As they followed the sidewalk along Broadway’s crowded avenue, Jordon snuggled against Tyler. “Would you marry me, Mr. Tyler Buck?”

“I would and… ‘I do.'” Tyler’s light eyes gleamed at him.

Bryan teased, “Maybe we should be singing Here Comes the Pride… ”

“Yes, perhaps,” Adrian replied softly.

Jordon rested his head on Tyler’s shoulder as they walked. He knew he’d found his life’s partner and fallen in love in one fell swoop. “I love you, Mr. Tyler Buck.”

“And I love you too, Mr. Jordon Buck.” Tyler kissed him.

“Plan that party now, baby. Plan it now.” Jordon squeezed him tight.

Page 332


“You got it.”

They grinned wickedly at each other.

“New York Rangers, or New Jersey Devils?” Tyler asked teasingly.

“Rangers! Come on!” Jordon laughed.

“Good.” Tyler pecked his cheek.

“Devils? Sheesh.” Jordon shook Tyler. “I only need one devil in my life.”

“Damn straight. I got my angel.”

“You do say all the right things, Mr. Wedding Planner.”

“It’s my job, Mr. Stockbroker.”

“Not anymore.”

“Thank you.” Tyler held Jordon back a moment. “Thank you.”

“My pleasure.”

Page 333


Exchanging adoring smiles, they caught up with the rest of the family.

The End

Page 334

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