The Tantric Way Of Loving - A Holistic Guide To Sensual Exploration

THE

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THE TANTRIC WAY 0

VING A HOLISTIC GUIDE TO SENSUAL EXPLORATION

THE

NEW

LIFE

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THE TANTRIC WAY OF LOVING

THE

NEW

LIFE

LIBRARY

THE TANTRIC WAY OF LOVING A HOLISTIC GUIDE TO SENSUAL EXPLORATION

NITYA LACROIX

~ SELECT EDITIONS

Select Editions imprint specially produced for Selectabook Ltd Produced by Anness Publishing Limited Hermes House, 88-89 Blackfriars Road, London SE1 8HA All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any way or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the prior written permission of the copyright holder. A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library

© Anness Publishing Limited 1999 Updated © 2000 3 5 79 10 8 642

Publisher: Joanna Lorenz; Editor: Debra Mayhew; Insides designed by: DW Design; Stylist: Cia ire Louise Hunt; Hair and Make-up: Nadia V. Persaud; Models: Ralph Beck, Daz Crawford, Kay Marshall, Kerry Anne Martin Production Controller: Yolande Denny; Editorial Reader: Kate Henderson Main photography by: Alistair Hughes; Additional photos by: Michelle Garrett. SAFER-SEX PRACTICES

It is wise for all sexual partners to follow the medical guidelines of safer sex practices to protect themselves from sexually transmitted diseases, including the HIV virus which can develop into AIDS . Always avoid the exchange of body fluids, which include vaginal secretions, semen and blood, by using latex condoms and a spermicide. PUBLISHER'S NOTE

The reader should not regard the recommendations, ideas and techniques expressed and described in this book as substitutes for the advice of a medical practitioner or other qualified professional. Any use to which the recommendations, ideas and techniques are put is at the reader's sole discretion and risk.

CONTENTS INTRODUCTION THE CHAKRAS

EQUILIBRIUM AND HARMONY

6 10 12

EMOTIONAL HONESTY

14

THE JOY OF SEXUAL SHARING

16

THE ART OF AROUSAL FEMALE EROTICISM MALE EROTICISM

18 20 22

AROMATICS FOR INTIMACY

24 25 26

SENSUAL AROMATICS

28

THE TOUCH OF LOVE

MASSAGING INTIMATE AREAS

30 32 34 36

A LOVING FACE MASSAGE

38

A RELAXING RITUAL

40

RITUALS OF DEVOTION PERFUMES OF LOVE

TENDER STROKES SENSUAL STROKES

FINDING TRANQUILLITY

42

AWAKENING ENERGY

44

MERGING SEXUAL ENERGY

46 48 50 52 54 56 60 62

ONENESS WITH NATURE THE FIVE SENSES A SANCTUARY OF LOVE

DIVINE LOVE-MAKING THE MAN'S CONSCIOUS PASSION THE SEXUAL POWER OF A WOMAN ECSTATIC LOVE-MAKING

INTRODUCTION

T

o follow the path of tantric

develop the equilibrium within their

loving is to take a holistic

relationships. Tantric loving helps

approach to your partnership.

you to create a safe haven within

By dedicating yourselves mind, body

your hearts and the privacy of your

and spirit to your relationship, you

home to foster a deep sense of respect

are making a mutual commitment to

and love for each other.

enhance its happiness and intimacy.

Tantric loving is not simply a

The modern tantric path derives its

sexual technique, but rather a

influences from the ancient Eastern

commitment to live a more conscious

tradition of Tantra, but many of its

life in every respect. It has a spiritual

concepts remain relevant for the

dimension, even though it does not

modern couple. Indeed, with all the

~ This

stresses that impinge on our lives

pathway of the energy

viewpoint. It perceives a sexual

today, couples often need to find

centres in the body

relationship to be not only the

statue depicts the

imaginative ways to preserve and

require a specific belief or religious

physical union of two people, but

" Emotional and physical harmony is enhanced by a meditative and tantric approach to love-making.

6

INTRODUCTION

a re-enactment of the divine principle of union that

the basic concepts of tantric loving that may help

governs the whole of Existence. Tantra teaches that

to enhance the ecstasy of your love-making.

it is the perfect merging of the cosmic male principle

There is a temperance in the passion of tantric

with the cosmic female principle that creates

love-making which makes it qualitatively different

universal harmony and equilibrium. So tantric love-

from normal sexual activity. To experience this

making is an invitation to the sacred mystery of the

alternative way of making love may require you to

universe to enter into sexual intercourse.

change your established patterns of sexual behaviour,

This book does not

but remember that the

aim to reveal or teach

teachings of Tantra do

the disciplines and

not exclude or make

secrets of traditional

judgement on any kind

Tantra, which began to

of sexual activity as long

flourish in parts of India

as it is embarked upon in

and Tibet about 5,000

the spirit of love and

years ago. True disciples

mutual pleasure. Tantra

would spend years under

perceives that all sexual

the guidance of a teacher

rela tionships contain the

to initiate them into the

essential element of

progressive series of

merging and union, and

esoteric practices, known

therefore have the

as "Kundalini-yoga".

potential for a higher

These practices include

spiritual experience.

advanced yogic postures

Explore tantric love-

and breathing

making at a pace that

techniques, meditation,

suits you both. Do not

chanting and sexual yoga

put pressure on each

for the purpose of

other to achieve any

attaining a state of

.. Tantra teaches that your sexual relationship should

kind of pre-set goal, and

spiritual enlightenment

be filled with pleasure and joy. Relax and have fun

do not deny yourselves

or cosmic consciousness.

and always bring laughter and playfulness into your

the type of sexual

This book's purpose is to

sexual interaction.

activity you have always

take and adapt some of

enjoyed. Ritualize your

7

INTRODUCTION

tantric love-making in

withhold his ejaculation

the ways described so

completely, releasing it

that you do not confuse

not more than three

it with the occasions

times in ten sexual

when you want to

episodes. According

indulge in excitement

to tantric, and Chinese

and hot passion, fast

Taoist teachings, the

sex, fantasy sex and

ejaculation of semen

the quick orgasm. As

causes a depletion of

you increasingly allow

vital life energy which

stillness and meditation

weakens the man, both

into your love-making

spiritually and

your sexual ecstacy

physically. Tantra, in

will start to become

particular, teaches that

more profound. Most

the energy of orgasm

of all, remember that

can be harnessed as a

the love life you forge

force for inner trans-

with your beloved is

formation. Instead of

unique to your own

dissipating semen the

relationship. Let that

man should moderate

relationship be full of

his excitement, and

joy and playfulness

through the use of

as you embark on the

breath and thought

sensual adventure of

control draw the force

tantric loving.

of his orgasmic energy

A major emphasis in

upwards so that it

tantric love-making is

ascends towards the

on the man's retention of his orgasm. In some

brain, opening up A Hindu art of a past era frequently illustrated the love

internal psychic

schools of traditional

rituals and sexual activities of the aristocracy in the

energy centres to bring

Eastern thought, the

exotic settings of their boudoirs.

him to a higher state

man is advised to

of realization.

8

INTRODUCTION

~

The erotic sculptures of the

Konarak and Kha;uraho temples in India depict the ascent of the human spirit from ordinary copulation to a transcendental state of sexual union.

"f"

In tantric love-making, the

man surrenders himself into the energy of the woman, adoring her with every touch, without losing control of his passions.

9

INTRODUCTION

THE CHAKRAS The concept of a subtle energy body is an important

of cosmic bliss. Conscious sexuality, says Tantra,

principle in Tantra. For centuries, Eastern

unleashes a powerful force within the body, known

philosophies, religions and healing traditions have

as "Kundalini energy". The Kundalini is active

recognized that an etheric energy body exists parallel

fema le creative energy manifested in all universal

to the physical body. There are seven major energy

matter. Normally, the Kundalini lies dormant within

centres, known as chakras, located in specific areas

us, but when it is awakened by yogic practices,

of this energy body. These chakras interact with the

meditation and sexual activity, it ascends through

existential universal forces, which are governed by a

the energy body on its potential journey to the crown

divine Cosmic Consciousness. The human body, then,

chakra, the seat of cosmic oneness and bliss. Each

according to Tantra, is a hallowed temple that

chakra is associated with one of the rainbow colours,

contains the energetic potential to merge with a state

see right, and with a certain level of vibration. ... The Kundalini sexual energy in Tantra is a feminine creative force often portrayed as an uncoiled serpent.

... FAR LEFf:

Sit together and

breathe meditatively into each chakra. Focus especially on the heart chakra, which is the energy centre for love, merging and empathy.

10

I NTRODUCT I ON

Located between the eyebrows, Ajna is often referred to as the "third eye" and

Located above the crown of the head,

is the seat of intuition or "sixth sense".

Sahasrara is associated with self-realization,

It is associated with higher knowledge,

cosmic consciousness, bliss and total unity

intellect and compassion. Indigo.

with the whole. Violet.

Located between the nipples, the heart chakra or Anahat relates to love, empathy, joy and the union of body and spirit, as well as the

Located in the throat, Vishuddha

merging of male and female

is associated with self-awareness,

polar energies. Green.

purity, expression and communication. Blue.

Located just below the navel, Swadhishtana is the source of vital life energy, and is the The Manipur or solar plexus

core centre of balance and

chakra resides at a central point

gravity within us. It relates to emotion, reproduction and

beneath the rib cage and is associated with intellect, power, will, ego and

sexual drive. Orange.

action. Yellow.

Located at the base of the sex organs, the base chakra or Muladhara is associated with survival and sexuality, pain and pleasure. Red.

11

EQlJILIBRIUM AND HARMONY

T

he search for union and harmony is at the

considerations and, while it has a vitality and binding

heart of tantric teaching. It seeks to restore

energy of its own, its very nature is one of transience.

equilibrium between the polar masculine and

Holistic loving is more enduring and is rooted in the

feminine forces which govern the whole of Existence.

acceptance of our own and the other person 's

According to Tantra, the relationship between a man

humanity. We all have our own particular strengths

and woman is a microcosmic enactment of the

and weaknesses, and respecting and caring for these

fundamental law which rules the whole of the Universe.

qualities in another person establishes the basis of

Strife occurs when these two opposing energies are

equality in a relationship so that the games of power

discordant with each other. When they are in harmony,

and manipulation cannot take hold. Intimacy develops when we

the polar energies complement

share our thoughts, feelings and

each other and merge as one. Bliss, says Tantra, arises out of

bodies with our beloved. We

the state of perfect union.

cannot hide away one part of ourselves and expect to be

A tantric relationship is one that enjoys a deep emotional and

available and open with another.

sexual intimacy and is built on a

Lovers should reach out to each

strong foundation of honest and

other in a holistic way, bringing

sincere communication. Mutual

heart, mind, body and soul into

trust is essential if openness,

their communion. Sometimes this

confidence and respect - all

is painful because we may have to

fundamental ingredients of an

lower the defences we have

intimately bonded partnership -

carefully constructed against the

are to flourish.

hurts and bruises of life, and

These qualities are not

perhaps experienced in previous

necessarily present in the first

.& Respect and mutual support

relationships. It may require deep

flush of sexual excitement that

enables a relationship to flourish and

and honest soul-searching to find

invariably accompanies the

mature in ways that benefit and bring

within ourselves the causes of our

beginnings of a relationship.

strength to both sexes.

own internal pain, so that we do

Passion can easily override other

not always blame the other

12

E QU I LIB R I U M

AND

person for our difficulties or neediness. It takes

HARMONY

nurtured. We cannot afford to fix our loved one or

tolerance and generosity of imagination to understand

ourselves into a comfortable rut, for each of us has our

that the other person's needs and opinions may be

own personal destiny as well as the destiny we share

different from our own. It demands courage to speak

with each other. Our emotional and sexual lives are

honestly and clearly about what we are feeling and

undoubtedly enriched when we are able to reveal the

what we personally need from the relationship. The

truth of who we are, and in doing so find a deep and

organic growth of intimacy must be constantly

genuine acceptance of each other.

'f' The capacity to be vulnerab le with each other enables

'f' Let your combined masculine and feminine strengths

great tenderness to develop between you .

become a complementary influence in your relationship.

13

E QU I LIB R I U M

AND

HARMONY

EMOTIONAL HONESTY Resolving issues of conflict as and when they arise

When you feel that the need is there, allocate

between yourself and your partner will ensure that

a period of time to discuss the issues that are

your love-making stays spontaneous and unimpeded

troubling you and causing conflict. Each partner

by hidden resentments and anger which might

should have a precise period (between 5-10

otherwise create tensions between you.

minutes at anyone time) to discuss their issues

Tantric loving is an holistic

calmly and without

experience. You cannot give

interruption. The other

yourself wholeheartedly to

partner should listen

the sexual experience if you

carefully to what is being

are holding back on an

said, trying to remain

emotional level. Committing

receptive to the other's

yourselves to setting aside

words without becoming

quality time for discussing

defensive. When it is your

underlying problems and

turn, you will ha ve the

comprehending each other's

opportunity to put

point of view will help all

forward your own point

aspects of your relationship

of view in the secure

to remain healthy.

knowledge that you, too,

Communicating and

will be heard calmly and

listening to each other in

without interruption. Be

a positive way, in spite of

conscious of your body

the difficult issues that need

language, adopting a

to be discussed, is a

posture that is relaxed

relationship skill. It does not

and open so that your

always come easily and you

stance is not intimidating,

may need to suspend rigid

closed or submissive,

opinions in order to hear

~

and respond to the feelings

feelings instils vitality into your relationship.

The willingness to communicate your

of your partner.

but instead welcomes communication and an exchange of views.

14

E QU I LIB R I U M

~

AND

HARMONY

Talk clearly and

simply about what you need and want. Take responsibility by placing your words in the context of "1" rather than "you". Accusation and blame will only alienate him.

~

When talking,

try not to dominate by raising your voice or being condescending.

Do not be afraid to show your vulnerability. Trust that A Indicate through body language that you are supportive.

she will listen to you.

Leaning towards your partner, maintaining eye contact and taking his or her hand in your own are gestures that show that you are interested in their point of view.

15

E QU I LIB R I U M

AND

HARMON Y

THE JOY OF SEXUAL SHARING Your sexuality is a precious and intrinsic part of your

each other sexually, or use sexual secrets shared

nature, and deserves to be treated with respect. In an

between you against each other. Find ways to show each other what you like and

intimate and tantric relationship, lovers should be able to trust each other implicitly with their bodies

want sexually in an atmosphere of playfulness and

and their sexuality. When mutual reverence is there,

co-operation. Go to the bedroom together, not

there are no sexual boundaries or rules except for

specifically to have sexual intercourse, but to

those decided upon by the two individuals concerned.

explore new realms of physical pleasure and to

Physical intimacy develops as you open up to each

discover more about each other's sexual preferences.

other, sharing your sexual thoughts, feelings, fears, desires and fantasies. Create time to talk to one

T Exploring every inch of his skin with your lips will increase

another about these things, but do so only when there

his sensual awareness of his body and enlighten you to his

is no underlying tension between you. Never criticize

sexual responses.

16

E QU I LIB R I U M

AND

HARMONY

Play-act some of your erotic fantasies together.

Choose a time when there are no outside pressures or interruptions, and when neither of you is tired.

Be open to experimenting with something new, but

Touch and stroke each other, using different

always be respectful of your own or your partner's

means of tactile contact such as your lips, tongue,

boundaries. Never pressurize your lover into

fingers and body parts, so that you become familiar

performing a sexual act against his or her will.

with all of your partner's body. Tell each other in

Sharing these sexual intimacies, and revealing

what manner and where you especially like to be

yourselves in this way, enables you both to relax

touched and kissed. Show each other how you want

deeply with each other. While fantasy and excitement

to be caressed and stimulated on your most intimate

is not the essence of tantric love-making, you should

areas. Guide each other on how to stroke, lick and

first be able to embrace and enjoy all aspects of your

kiss the genital parts to increase arousal. Male and

sexuality without guilt or judgement. Always treasure

female sexual needs and responses can vary greatly,

the information that your lover imparts about his or

so learn from each other the different ways to bring

her sexuality. In the same way, you should honour

sexual joy to a partner of the opposite sex.

your own sexual uniqueness .

... Learn from her how and where she loves to be touched and

... Sexual tension dissolves more easily if you are able to be

caressed by you, and take pleasure in her whole body erogeny.

playful with each other on a physical level.

17

THE ART OF AROUSAL

S

exual wisdom acknowledges that a man's

The art of arousal is in the sensual awakening

passion is generally aroused more quickly than

of the body as a whole, and in the presence of being

a woman's and is faster to reach its climax,

that you bring into your every touch and caress.

while a woman's sexual arousal is slower to ignite

Experience each moment of physical contact for its

but endures longer. In the art of love-making, the

own pleasurable sake rather than as a means to an

couple should aim to harmonize these differences

end. Do not rush into intercourse or hurry towards

so that the progress of their sexual arousal becomes

your climax, but rather lose yourselves in the joy

more balanced, and enables them to reach mutual

of extended sensual foreplay. Take time to hold each

satisfaction. In tantric love-making, great emphasis

other and breathe slowly and deeply together,

is placed on a woman's natural right to reach her

establishing eye contact on occasions to strengthen

peak of sexual ecstasy. The man must therefore learn

your intimacy and emotional connection. When you

to pace his passion and to make love to his partner

do close your eyes, concentrate on the sensations

selflessly and, by doing so, his patience is rewarded

that each kiss and caress stirs within you and savour

by his partner's joy.

the pleasure of each one .

... Not every touch has to excite. Arousal levels can be

... She will love to feel your kisses covering every inch of her

allowed to rise and fall naturally. Linger enjoyably by

skin. Let your lips brush and anoint the back of her body,

tenderly and teasingly stroking intimate parts of his body.

and tease her intimate areas.

18

THE

ART

o

F

... Every part of her body is worthy of your attention and is erotically sensitive. Take her fingertips into your mouth one by one; suck them gently, rolling your tongue around them.

~

Kiss as if engaged in the act of making love itself. The

mouth, lips and tongue are highly erotically charged, and when they meet with willingness and receptivity there is a fusion of your male and female sexual energies.

19

AROUSAL

THE

ART

OF

AROUSAL

FEMALE EROTICISM When a man makes love to a woman, he should do

state of arousal, a woman's nipples may become

so in a manner of reverence and adoration, perceiving

erect, her skin may flush and her vaginal juices will

her body as both a temple of delight and an altar of

start to flow. Through her words, her sighs and her

devotion. Tantric texts describe a woman's sexuality

body's responses, she signals to her lover that she is

as a sacred mystery and a medium through which both

emotionally and physically ready to receive him.

she and her male partner can attain physical and

In historic Eastern manuscripts relating to sexuality,

spiritua I ecstasy.

many elaborate terms were employed to describe a

A woman's whole body is erotogenic and she is

woman's most intimate sexual organs - the vagina and

especially sensitive to touch, so her lover should

clitoris. Names such as Jewel or Lotus (a sacred Indian

bestow his kisses and caresses on every part of her.

flower) are found in the Hindu Tantra, while the

Her sexuality is awakened by and responsive to not

Chinese Taoist tradition used poetic terms such as the

only his physical embraces, but also to her sense of

Jade Gate, the Valley of Joy and Pearl. These elaborate

bei~g

names illustrate the respect accorded to a woman's

emotionally cherished. A sensitive lover ensures

that the woman is fully sexually aroused through

erotic nature and show that her sexual organs were

loving, mutual foreplay before he enters her. In a

perceived as the divine gateway to joy.