The Rules of Neighborhood Poker According to Hoyle

THE RULES OF NEIGHBORHOOD POKER ACCORDING TO HOYLE®

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THE RULES OF NEIGHBORHOOD POKER ACCORDING TO

HOYLE® STEWART WOLPIN

NEW CHAPTER PRESS I New York

Copyright © 199 0 by Stewart Wolpin All right s reserved. N o part of this book may be reproduced i n any form o r by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, without permission fro m th e publisher. All inquiries should be addressed to New Chapter Press Inc. , 381 Park Avenue South, Suite 1122, New York, New York 10016. First printin g Marc h 1990 Library of Congress Catalog Card Number : 89-91966 ISBN: 0-942257-19-7 Designer: Stanley S. Drate/Folio Graphics Co. Inc. Copy Editor: Brigid Mas t Front cover design: Michael Olson Manufactured i n the Unite d States of America Hoyle® is a registered trademark of Brown & Bigelow, Inc., St. Paul, Minnesota, and i s used i n this book with that company's permission and endorsement.

To my father, Sheldon —who should be a poker player — and to my mother, Edith, who is.

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CONTENTS Acknowledgments / xi Preface / xv Introduction / xix SECTION1

POKER BASIC S 1

The Poker Primer

5

Two's Company, Ten' s A Crowd / 9

2

What You Play For

11

Ante U p / 1 3 Show U s Your Pairs / 1 5 Chipping I n / 1 7

3

Betting With Your Head (While All About You Are Losing Theirs) How to Bet / 2 4 Low Stakes Idiosyncrasie s / 2 6 Bringing I t All Back Home / 2 8

20

4 It's My Deck and I'll Deal What I Want

35

God With a Deck of Cards / 3 8 The Art of the Dea l / 4 0 Calling All Cards / 4 3

5 Talking Cards

47

6 Beer in the Fridge, Coat on the 7

Bed, Ass at the Table

50

Vinnie, Speed, Roy, Murray, Felix and Oscar

57

8 Emily Post Played Poker?

66

9 Cliches, Truisms, and Old Wives' Tales

72

10 Speaking in Poker Tongues

77

11 A Million Cockroaches Overnight

84

12 Man with the Ax, One-Eyed Jacks 13

and Deuces Wild

90

Share and Share Alike

93

Declare / 9 6 Being a Pi g / 9 9 Other Spli t Variations / 10 3 Splitsville / 10 4

SECTION I I

THE GAMES 14 Five-Card Stud Games

111

High/Low With a Buy , Lowboy, Bu y Your Card/Substitution, Wil d Kings, Do Ya, Push, Pas s the Tras h

15 Seven-Card Stud

172

Roll Your Own, Control , Th e Bitch , High Chicago, Blac k Mariah , Murder, Sevens Take All, Follow the Queen/Th e Lady, Low Hole, Baseball , N o Peek, Nigh t Baseball, Six-Car d Variations

16 Draw

222

Spit in the Ocean , High/Low , Five and Two

17

Community

241

Cincinnati, Criss Cross , Iro n Cross, Pyramid, The H (H-Bomb), Re d & Black, Bundles , Deat h Wheel, Texa s Hold 'E m

18 Guts Indian, Mont e Carlo, Two Plus One , Shoes, Ball s

283

19

Poker by the Numbers

301

Number Guts , Arithmetic, 7/27, Sette Mezzo

20 They Only Call It Poker

309

Ting-a-Ling, Pile Driver, Acey-Deucey , Bourre, 31 S E C T I O N II I

Glossary Index

325 347

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

I wa s a prepubescen t growin g u p i n Lakewood , Ne w Jersey, whe n a frien d o f my brother name d Jua n Flore s first introduced m e t o poker . We' d gathe r u p th e gan g after a har d da y on th e sandlo t basebal l field and pla y five-card draw fo r pennies aroun d m y parents' kitche n table, using an old , grim y deck wit h folde d corner s an d missing cards drawn on Jokers . But Juan didn't play. He just dealt. He had learned his way around a dec k o f cards a t a n earl y age an d coul d make them do whatever h e wanted. H e was brilliant. He knew car d trick s tha t weren' t tricks—h e knew wher e your card was . H e was too slippery, too good. He could play with us, as long as he didn't deal in games in which he coul d wi n our pennies. So , he opted t o play permanent dealer, like Kar l Maide n in Th e Cincinnati Kid. Like Maiden , however, Juan was tempted . 1 came t o him wit h a shift y twelve-year-old' s idea : Yo u deal m e good cards , an d I'l l spli t th e winning s wit h you . Ho w could h e resist ? Vision s o f basebal l card s an d cand y bars dance d i n his head. On certain key hands, Jua n fed me cards . H e some how, unbelievably, knew exactly what I was holding, and he kne w exactly what cards I needed. I played my role to xi

xii

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

the hilt, Mr. Innocen t on a run of luck, which got to be a pretty difficul t ac t afte r th e thir d straigh t Aces-ove r ful l house. Juan was amazing, but not too subtle. Eventually, o f course, we wer e foun d out . O r rather, we confessed onc e it got too obvious . Juan couldn't b e caught b y grown men, much less by little pitchers with big ears . The detail s ar e los t i n the blu r of acne, voic e changes, an d girls , bu t someho w I know that our crime was not considered heinous, just poor judgment, and we were forgiven—a s lon g a s w e spli t th e basebal l cards and th e candy. That was my first experience wit h poker, and without it this book would not have been written. I picked up th e game agai n whe n I becam e a sportswriter , and the n again when I moved t o Ne w York City , whic h i s wher e these acknowledgment s really begin. You can't pla y solitaire poker, and yo u can't write a book b y yourself, either . First, m y sincere thank s to th e group o f guy s wh o clim b th e thre e flight s u p t o m y apartment ever y othe r Thursda y night: John (Pyramid ) Day, wh o rea d th e origina l manuscrip t an d provide d some sharp-eye d corrections , Denni s (Bu y Your Car d Substitution) Sawicki , Allen (Wil d Kings ) Grady , Bil l (Seven-Card Stu d High/Low ) Kellogg , Bo b (Murder ) Cherry, Doug-Doug Elam, who always brings me a foun tain-prepared cherry Coke, and, until the middle of 1989, David Anthony , wh o ha s deserte d u s an d move d t o Albany; I don't think he knows how much we miss his cool appraisal and eas y humor. I table-tested a lo t of the eas y and civilize d game s i n thi s boo k o n thes e guys , wh o showed a lot of patience with me as I tried to remembe r all the rules. I'd also lik e to thank some o f the peopl e who mad e multiple gam e contributions : Denni s Paska y i n Cleveland, Gre g Wronsk i i n Bradle y Beach , Ne w Jersey,

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

xiii

John Metzge r i n Rochester , Ne w York , an d Stev e Boot h and Georg e Kop p her e i n Ne w York City . I' d also lik e t o thank th e dozen s of players in games that I'v e sat i n on around th e country . My thank s t o som e non-poke r players : M y undying gratitude t o Howar d Blumenthal , whose constan t prod ding and confidenc e i n me kept me working toward thi s book, and t o Mr . Ugly, Glenn T. Kenny, m y long-sufferin g roommate, who i s stil l tryin g to figure out ho w t o pla y this sill y game. Finally, a big thanks t o the only female in this book— my publisher and edito r Wendy Reid Crisp—for an amaz ing editing job and fo r making sure that the best possible book got out there. She' s a wild Quee n i n the hole , an d she ha s m y eternal thanks . STEWART WOLPIN New York January 1990

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PREFACE

When Mr . Baby asked me t o review his manuscript , I did so with great vigor. Since Mr . Baby an d I hav e bee n player s a t hi s bi weekly poke r gam e fro m th e git-go , 1 felt qualifie d t o incorporate m y professional experienc e (publishing ) with my personal interes t (poker) . I tried to see mysel f as one o f th e player s describe d i n Chapte r 7 , "Vinnie , Speed, Roy , Murray , Felix , and Oscar, " an d though t that I was mor e o f a composite of many than a n embodimen t of one. Onc e your game ha s become the institution our s has, doubtles s yo u wil l appreciat e Chapte r 7 al l th e more. The reason that I call the author Mr. Baby is a glimpse into the socia l peckin g orde r o f poker. Hi s real nam e i s Stewart, s o onc e I became familia r wit h him, I tried th e nicknames o f Stewball (wit h reference to th e Peter , Paul & Mar y tun e abou t a racehorse ) o r Ste w Baby . Unfailingly, whe n I would cal l hi m Ste w Baby , hi s pa t re sponse would b e "That' s Mr. Baby to you," especially i f I had jus t burne d hi m i n a spirite d hand . Fo r the las t few years, h e ha s pu t a "Mr. " in fron t o f my surname , an d now I always cal l hi m Mr . Baby. Over th e cours e o f the lif e o f a poke r game , certai n XV

xvi

PREFACE

nicknames wil l evolve . At our curren t game, we hav e a collection o f Mr . Baby , Bi g AI , Feli x (a s i n Th e Od d Couple), Cherry (as in bing), Doug-Doug, and Smokey, to name a few . There i s a greate r degre e o f camaraderi e involved wit h nickname s i n a poke r game , no t unlik e code names give n to members of a secret society . Certain ritual s enter th e game . I brought several o f the mor e exoti c games t o the attentio n of the table , my favorite o f whic h i s Pyramid . (Onc e yo u hav e playe d Pyramid a fe w times, i t will becom e apparen t tha t th e dealer ha s a hug e advantage i n structurin g th e flo w of the game , bu t regardles s o f the advantag e on e alway s must have winning cards.) Man y times when i t comes to my tur n t o deal , I don' t hav e t o announc e th e gam e because others d o i t for me. 'Are we travelin g to Egypt? " or "D o I see a sphin x in the room? " ar e commo n questions . An d I don' t eve n answer. I simply deal ou t fou r dow n cards and for m th e pyramid. I f I'm having a ba d night , I will ofte n poin t th e top o f the pyrami d toward me . I learne d th e gam e o f Pyrami d in th e Sout h fro m a pair o f identica l twin s who m w e use d t o cal l th e Sa moans. No , they weren't from Samoa , but they were dark complected an d resemble d a tag team fro m som e third rate wrestling show. They were also know n as th e entry (1 an d 1A , ge t it? ) and "Joh n an d Tom/To m an d John " because when they first walked into a room you couldn't tell on e fro m th e other , s o sayin g both thei r name s i n both order s assure d tha t you were greetin g the m properly. Ther e was a taci t rule at th e tabl e tha t they would never g o the sam e way in a spli t game , not take a car d that th e othe r needed . Thi s is not technically cheating, but i t is about a s clos e as you can com e withou t being guilty. Th e brother s deal t som e game s tha t ha d t o b e

PREFACE

xvii

played t o b e believed , bu t Pyrami d was on e o f their better contributions . Today i s Thursday , bu t i t i s a n "of f Thursday , n o poker tonight . One week fro m tonight , though , the gan g will assembl e o n th e Eas t Sid e o f Manhatta n a t 5:30 , beers in hand, an d Mr . Baby will answer the doorbell by throwing dow n th e ke y fro m th e thir d floor . I think tha t Stewart uses the key toss as a sobriety tes t to gauge how responsive th e players are that night. Then we will all sit down, commen t o n th e stat e o f th e Knicks , li e abou t how w e di d a t th e las t poke r gathering , and i f the firs t hook lands in front o f me, we'll travel to the Lan d of the Pharaohs . . . MR. DA Y New York January, 1990

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INTRODUCTION

They play a funn y car d gam e i n La s Vegas. They call it poker. I played it there once. It didn't seem like poker t o me. For one thing , they always played the same game— seven-card stud . N o wild cards , n o dealer' s choice . Seven-card stud . Th e tabl e wa s ver y quie t an d al l th e players wer e ver y serious . I t wa s lik e 2001: A Space Odyssey—you coul d onl y hear players breathing, in between bets spaced lik e chess moves. "I bet a dollar." An hour later , " I call." Seven-card stud, followed b y sevencard stud , the n seven-car d stud—a d nauseam . I go t bored. You see, Rea l Poke r i s not supposed t o be quie t an d understated, it' s no t suppose d t o resembl e anythin g close t o chess , an d it' s rarely eve r straigh t seven-car d stud. Real Poker is Baseball—3s and 9 s are wild and a 4 gets you a n extr a card. Rea l Poke r i s Two-Card Guts , o r Spit i n the Ocean , o r Criss Cross, or Sevens Take All, or Five-Card Draw Jacks or Better to Open Trips to Win with One-Eyed Jacks Wild . Rea l Poke r i s as man y silly variations o n a poke r them e a s yo u ca n add , o r teaching everyone a new game that you just made up and having it named after you as i f you had discovered a new comet. xix

XX

INTRODUCTION

And mostly , Rea l Poke r i s when five of a kin d beats a royal flush , which could neve r happen i n Las Vegas. I tried to find a book on neighborhood poker , the way most American s pla y poker , t o improv e m y ow n fort nightly game. I visited th e Ne w York Publi c Library an d found abou t twenty-fiv e book s o n poker . They had title s like How t o Play Winning Poker, Poker: Playing t o Win, Poker Strategy and Winning Play, Winning Poker, Winning Methods of Bluffing and Betting in Poker, Winning Poker Systems—and s o on . I got bored. Real Poke r isn't abou t winning . Rea l Poke r is poker as practice d i n private homes an d apartment s i n neighborhoods acros s th e country . It's about havin g a goo d time. None of the books I'v e found o n poker is designed for you or me, member s of the millions of neighborhood poker games—or for those of you who have never played the game bu t want to learn. This book i s not about ho w to wi n a t poker ; thi s boo k i s abou t th e game s poke r players play, the wild and woolly variations that are dealt out a t neighborhoo d dealer' s choic e games . Th e ques tions thi s boo k answer s ar e no t "Ho w ca n yo u tel l if someone wh o ha s jus t be t $1,00 0 wit h a pai r o f 3 s showing is bluffing?" but 'Are Queens i n the hole wild in Follow th e Queen? " or , "In Night Baseball , do I have t o match th e po t i f I get a wil d 3? " And, most important, "Where's th e beer?" I've include d nearl y 200 differen t game s an d varia tions, the coun t dependin g o n your definition o f "variation." Ther e ar e severa l variation s o f Baseball , fo r example, bu t I'v e counted i t as on e gam e sinc e al l th e variations play similarly. But there are othe r games that, with minor variations, become whole new games . You ma y be familia r wit h some of these games, bu t not by the name I've used or with the exact rules I follow. That's okay . I make n o claim s o f paten t o r originality;

INTRODUCTION

xxi

there ar e fe w poker game s tha t ar e trul y original . Th e only importan t thin g i s tha t yo u recogniz e th e gam e when someon e calls it . But ther e i s mor e t o neighborhoo d poke r tha n games. Ther e i s th e ambience , th e atmospher e a t a neighborhood poke r game . This atmospher e is created by the players and ho w they react t o each other. They'r e friends having fun, n t strangers i n competition. Poker is a grou p of guys who get together once or twice a month to laugh , tal k sports , drin k beer , an d smok e big , ugly cigars and who lik e to sit around an d hav e a good tim e and mayb e pla y a littl e cards . It' s macho camaraderie , doing somethin g slightl y illegal , tha t excite s th e rebe l within mos t middle-age d poker players—alon g with th e thrill o f athletic-like competition withou t risk of seriou s injury t o underuse d muscles . It' s half a doze n guy s sitting in a cramped roo m for five hours, breathing secondhand smok e tha t would chok e any resident of L.A. on a smog-alert day , eatin g brow n o r gree n sandwiche s o n stale bread, drinking warm beer, sitting in uncomfortable metal foldin g chairs , staring int o bright overhead lights, foreheads an d back s drippin g we t wit h sweat , hai r greasy, ski n sticky , palm s clammy , bod y smelly—the n staggering home $15 0 poorer. I kno w wha t you'r e thinking . We'r e not i n i t fo r th e money? And, this is fun ? I asked th e player s at m y ow n game wha t keep s the m comin g bac k wee k afte r week . What mad e Feli x sa y a t th e en d o f Th e Od d Couple: "Marriages ma y com e an d go , bu t th e gam e mus t g o on"? Did I ge t dee p metaphysica l insight s into th e grea t cultural an d socia l diversit y o f Americans ' leisur e ac tivities? Ho w poker i s a share d experience , a deep par t of our huma n psych e dating back to the Ston e Age and the primitiv e need fo r community ? O r th e underlying

xxii

INTRODUCTION

need fo r competition, brough t on b y the ego-crushin g forces of everyday life? Is it related to man's need fo r selfabuse, brough t o n b y a guilt y conscience o f sins committed by thought and deed? Are yo u kidding ? I go t "Wh o cares? Shu t u p an d deal." That's wha t I thought . It' s 5 & 2, n o sandbagging , deuces wild and pas s th e potato chips . And we're ligh t an ante .

SECTION

I POKER BASICS

I hang out with a lo t of regular guys , the type you ca n

pass three or fou r hour s with at the bar and grill , shoot ing the breeze abou t sports , women , roc k and roll , and politics while hoisting a couple of cool one s an d checking out the local talent. I also han g out wit h some intellectua l types. ( I can't help it—I' m a writer . I have t o han g ou t wit h intellec tuals. It' s part of my job.) These ar e th e guy s who dres s in blac k n o matte r ho w ho t i t i s outside , wh o rea d Baudelaire, wh o ca n explai n the differenc e betwee n atonal an d dissonance , an d wh o watch foreig n movie s with subtitles—b y choice—an d discus s wha t th e filmmaker is trying to "say" over an espresso an d a piece of baklava. I also know more than a few executives, guys in gray Brooks Brothers suits, red silk ties, and wing-tip Oxfords 1

2

POKER BASICS

who are responsible for such ail-America n concepts as "demographics," "market share," and, best of all, "return on investment. " Now, you'r e probabl y sayin g to yourself , "Okay , you hang out with a lot of different type s of guys. What's that got t o d o wit h poker? " Well , I' m gla d yo u asked . Th e diverse compositio n of my crowd ha s a great bearing on whether any of the followin g i s going to make sense. Every other Thursday night , I host a poker game that includes players fro m al l three groups. On occasion we have ne w players. Some guy s fit right in , no matte r who they are. Othe r guy s lose. And I don't mea n jus t lose. I mean they'r e lost. Some guys , no matter how cool, intel lectual, or savvy they are, don' t hav e the foggies t notio n of what they have i n their hand or of what is going on a t the table around them. Raises and calls hit them from all sides. Hearts , diamonds, clubs , and spades swirl before them as i f the dec k of cards were thrown up i n front o f a fan. I t always seem s t o b e thei r tur n t o bet , an d the y invariably make th e wrong one . The y don't realiz e ho w their betting, or lack of it, affects everyon e else's strategy, much les s thei r ow n pocketbook . Whateve r prou d achievements the y may have to their credit in the world outside m y apartment , they'r e hopeles s incompetent s with five cards an d a stack o f chips. Sure, they understand the theory of poker. They know that a straigh t beat s thre e o f a kind . The y kno w tha t if someone raises they owe more mone y t o the pot . They know what a bluf f is . But they can't pu t i t together. They don't understand the practice of poker. The point I'm taking the scenic rout e to is that poker is much mor e tha n being smart, knowing that a straight beats thre e o f a kind , o r understandin g what call s an d raises are . Poke r i s mor e tha n readin g the subtl e signs that reveal whether a player is bluffing o r not. Poker is a

POKER BASICS

3

synergistic combinatio n o f thes e element s an d som e intangibles tha t can' t be explaine d i n a book. The guys you'd think wouldn't understand Rambo are the sharpes t ones at the table, while the guys who regularl y read The Wall Street Journal leav e th e gam e wit h jus t enoug h money fo r cab fare . The best way to understan d th e complet e poke r experience i s to play . When w e hav e a ne w player at ou r game, w e sugges t h e pul l up a chair , gra b a brew , and soak in some poker atmosphere . He should watc h thre e or fou r hand s t o ge t a fee l fo r ho w w e pla y differen t games, t o ge t int o th e poke r rhythm . H e shoul d as k questions abou t wh y a han d i s deal t i n a particula r manner. H e should pla y along over the shoulde r o f one player through an entir e hand, hobno b an d ru b elbow s with th e poke r ho i pollo i an d ge t int o th e spiri t o f th e game befor e trying to get into some pots. H e should b e ready to lose and understand wh y he lost, so he can win later. Make yourself a sandwich, gra b a beer, and pic k u p the bo x tha t say s "Hoyle " o n it . No w sa y t o yourself , "This is a deck o f cards." Welcome to neighborhood poker .

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CHAPTER

1

The Poker Primer

A is for Ace, which can be high or low; B is for Bet, which makes the pot grow; C is for Cards, which you must choose. D is for Dollars, which you will lose.

I

n a n episod e o f Star Trek: Th e Next Generation, the opening vignette featured a poker game. The deal cam e to Lt . Commander Data—the android (I told you anyone could lear n poker) . H e shuffle d th e cards , the n calmly declared: "Seven-car d stud . Afte r th e firs t Queen , one eyed Jack s an d lo w hol e wild. " Gordy, th e blin d engineer, muttered , "Le t m e writ e thi s dow n s o 1 can re member it. " Don't worry about Data' s blathering. The point is that his instruction s represente d dealer' s choic e i n al l it s wonder. The dealer decides what game he wants to deal, and everyon e mus t play , no matte r how sill y th e gam e may sound. The game continually changes fro m hand to hand as the deal move s clockwise around the table, the play controlled by the whim of the ne w dealer. But th e poke r basics—th e rule s o f ho w game s ar e

5

6

POKER BASICS

dealt, what hands beat what hands, poker according to Hoyle, Scarne , or whomever—don' t change , eve n unt o the 24t h century . Yo u won't fin d five-car d dra w i n New York tha t differen t fro m five-car d dra w i n Portland , Oregon—or Portland, Maine , for that matter. To begin: A is fo r Ace-high, which mean s you don' t have a pair or higher and the best card i n your hand is an Ace. I f no one els e has a pair o r higher, Ace-high is the best han d an d wil l win th e pot . I f no on e ha s a n Ace , then King-high will win, and s o on through Queen-high , Jack-high, etc. I f you and someon e else both hav e Aces, you compar e th e nex t highes t cards . I f you're stil l tied , compare the third highest cards, and s o on. I f you're tied after th e fifth card, cal l Guinness . A complete hand i s always composed of five cards— just lik e the five fingers on you r flesh-and-bloo d hand . Here i s th e sequenc e o f winning hands , i n ascendin g order: High card, or Ace-high Pair Two pai r Three o f a kind Straight Flush Full house Four of a kind Straight flus h Five of a kin d (i n a wild card game ) Even non-poke r player s hav e a passin g familiarit y with this list . Car d makers , suc h a s Hoyle , includ e i t with every pack of cards. It's part o f the thre e Rs of poker— Reading th e cards , Raisin g the bet , an d Rakin g i n th e chips. You can't spell "winnings" without it.

THE POKER PRIMER

7

People, however , mak e th e mistak e of believing that knowing thi s lis t means the y know how to pla y poker . This is like saying that i f you can coun t fro m on e t o ten, you can do calculus. Test anyone who evinces interest in playing i n your neighborhood game . I f h e answer s your "Do yo u kno w ho w t o play? " quer y wit h a scholarl y recitation o f thi s list , politel y tel l hi m tha t there' s n o room at the tabl e (unles s you reall y don' t lik e the guy and yo u can thin k of no bette r pastime than to see hi m shovel cash from hi s wallet to yours). Since thi s lis t i s th e ABC s o f poker , allo w m e t o explain eac h hand . Yo u may want t o cli p thi s lis t an d keep it handy at your next game. It may not be necessary, but, a s m y grandmothe r use d t o say , i t couldn' t hurt . Even simpl e thing s can b e forgotte n afte r enoug h Wil d Turkey. Ace-high i s a han d wit h five mismatched cards , th e highest o f which i s a n Ace . Ace-high beats a han d i n which the best car d is a mere King . A pair i s a hand i n which two cards ar e o f the sam e denomination—two 7 s o r tw o Kings , fo r example. Th e other thre e cards are mismatched . I f someon e els e ha s an identica l pair—sa y you bot h hav e a pai r o f 7s—the winning hand i s determined b y the next highest car d i n your hand , th e "kicker. " If an Ac e i s on e o f your thre e extra cards , an d th e othe r fello w onl y has a Kin g as a kicker, you win. Two pair is two sets of pairs—a pair of 7s and a pair of Jacks, fo r instance—and th e fift h car d i s th e kicker . When yo u announc e you r hand , sa y " I have tw o pair, Jacks over," meaning that the Jacks are your highest pair. The highes t of the tw o pair determines the winne r of a hand. I f someone els e ha s tw o pair , Queen s over , you lose. I f you bot h hav e Jack s over , th e playe r with th e highest second pair wins. If you have two identical pairs,

POKER BASIC S

8

the player with the highest kicker wins. I f you're still tied, call Ripley's (you already calle d Guinness) . Three o f a kind i s a han d wit h thre e card s o f th e same denomination , suc h a s thre e 7s , wit h tw o un matched cards . I f two players hav e th e sam e three of a kind, don' t cal l anyone . You'r e playin g with a Pinochl e deck. A straight i s fiv e cards i n numerical sequence , re gardless of suit, such as :

8

9

10

J

Q

As you ca n see , th e card s ar e no t th e sam e suit . I n a straight, it' s the number s onl y that count. A straight can start with an Ace—A-2-3-4-5—which i s called a "small " straight, o r en d wit h a n Ace—10-J-Q-K-A—whic h i s called a "high" straight (not a "big" straight; no one said poker was logical) . A flush i s five cards, all of the same suit—five hearts , five diamonds, five clubs, five spades—in no particula r numerical sequence , suc h a s 2-6-9-J- A of hearts. I f two players hav e flushes , th e on e wit h th e highes t cards i s the winner. For instance, i f you have an Ace, you have an Ace-high flus h an d wil l bea t a King-hig h flush . I f both players have Aces, then the next highest card determines the winner. Holding a flush and losin g to another flush isn't cause for calling Ripley or Guinness. Just hope your host has removed al l the breakables. A full house, also known as a "boat" for reasons I've yet to discover, i s a hand wit h both a pair and three of a kind—for instance , thre e 7 s an d a pai r o f 2s . Whe n declaring your hand, you say , "I've got a boat , 7 s over," indicating that the thre e o f a kind , th e dominan t set, i s the 7s . You could b e beaten b y a ful l hous e wit h three 8s or any set of three cards highe r than 7s. The pair is never

THE POKER PRIMER

9

a determinin g facto r unles s yo u ar e playin g with wild cards that make identical sets of three of a kind possible. Four of a kind i s a han d i n which you've bee n lucky enough t o collect all fou r card s of one denomination — all fou r 7s , fo r example. Tw o players ca n hol d identica l four of a kinds only in a wild-card game . A straight flush i s a straigh t made u p o f cards o f a single suit—4-5-6-7- 8 o f hearts , fo r instance . A royal flush i s a "high" straight flush with an Ace: A-K-Q-J-10. In a han d playe d without wild cards, a straight flush is the highest han d possibl e and th e royal flush is the highest straight flush and a sure winner. I've never seen a natural royal flush , bu t the n I'v e only been playin g poker fo r 20 years. Five o f a kind ca n b e achieve d onl y i n a wild-car d game. Ther e are only four suits and, therefore, only fou r cards of each numerical value—fou r 7s , for example, o r four Queens . You can ge t five of a kin d only if you hav e wild card s i n additio n t o you r "natural, " o r non-wild , cards. To get five 7s i n a gam e i n which th e deale r ha s declared deuce s wild, you'd need : fou r 7 s and on e de uce, thre e 7 s and tw o deuces, two 7s and thre e deuces , or one 7 and fou r deuces . Fiv e of a kind is a great han d to b e holdin g and a lous y han d t o los e to, especially if youVe been betting heavily and smugly on a straight flush. I've ha d fiv e o f a kind . Mor e often—twic e i n on e month, i n fact—I've ha d wil d card roya l flushes , onl y to lose t o five of a kind . I was bettin g heavily and smugly . They're using my screams in the next Nightmare o n Elm Street. TWO'S COMPANY, TEN'S A CROWD

Neighborhood poke r i s bes t whe n playe d wit h fiv e t o seven players . The more cards used in a game, the better

10

POKER BASICS

the hands tend t o get since more card s i n the dec k wil l be i n play . With fou r hands , yo u ma y use onl y hal f th e cards in the deck, so the best cards may not even make it into someone's hand. If you play with only four players, a pair ma y en d u p winnin g all th e time , an d that' s no t exactly exciting. No one is going to do much betting with only a pair . Poker is exciting when a ful l hous e beats a flush and the winner rakes i n fifty chips and some loose bills, not when a pair of Queens beat s a pair of 10s and the winner scrapes in ten chips . Six i s th e bes t numbe r o f players becaus e you ca n play any poker game invented, and you can all fit around a medium-siz e tabl e withou t bein g abl e t o smel l your neighbor's nervou s sweat . I f you hav e mor e tha n si x players, it' s tough to play five-card draw, one o f the mos t popular poker games . I n five-card draw, each player can replace u p t o thre e o f hi s fiv e card s wit h thre e ne w cards. That means eac h player can get up to eight cards. Multiplied b y seve n players , that' s 5 6 cards. Ther e ar e only 5 2 cards i n a deck . Eve n with two Jokers i n play , which I hate , ther e ar e stil l no t enoug h card s t o g o around. Okay, you have seve n player s and yo u can ge t along fine without five-card draw. Seven players can stil l fit, if a little tigher—an d smellier—aroun d th e table . Bu t with more tha n seve n players , it s toug h t o pla y th e mos t common poker game—seven-car d stud . If each of eight players get s th e maximu m seve n cards , that' s als o 56 cards. Plus , wit h eigh t players , tha t tabl e i s gettin g crowded. So, i f you hav e fewe r tha n fiv e players , pla y Black Jack or Rummy. If you have more than seven, play a lot of six-card stu d and wear nose-plugs .

CHAPTER

2

What You Play For

RAVELLI: "Whadoyoo play for?" MRS. RITTENHOUSE : "Oh, we just play for small stakes." RAVELLI: 'And trench fried potatoes?"

Animal Crackers The Mar x Brothers, 193 0

It's very messy t o pla y poker fo r french frie d potatoes .

The ketchu p tend s t o mak e th e card s sticky , fo r on e thing. Bu t identifyin g th e stakes—ho w muc h mone y you'll b e playin g for—i s th e firs t questio n you'l l as k when considerin g a ne w gam e o r satisfyin g a poke r curiosity-seeker abou t you r own game . Stake s describ e the leve l o f game yo u play—ho w seriou s th e gam e is . The highe r the stakes , th e mor e seriou s th e game . We play for small stakes (without the frenc h fried potatoes ) because w e don' t lik e t o b e to o serious . (I n fact , no w that I think of it, maybe i t would be mor e fu n t o pla y for french frie d potatoes . Bu t I digress.) The stakes shoul d tell you how much you could lose in a worst-case scenario. Ask about this before you enter a game. I define a neighborhood gam e as on e i n which I 11

12

POKER BASICS

won't los e mor e tha n $5 0 o n a n averag e night . How much you r possible losse s will be , o f course, depend s on th e stake s an d ho w well—o r ho w badly—yo u play . Admittedly, $50 is a completely arbitrary figure based on my socioeconomic status (i.e. , a perpetually broke free lancer). If you nee d a les s restrictive definition o f low-stakes poker, ho w abou t this : You shouldn't los e mor e i n on e night tha n yo u woul d spen d o n a ho t date . (Bu t afte r you've los t $5 0 in a poker game , you don't then have to suffer th e furthe r ignomin y of a handshak e instea d o f a kiss and no t being invited upstairs.) In mor e practica l terms , stake s defin e th e highes t amount o f mone y tha t ca n b e be t a t on e time—th e "limit." In La s Vegas, the lowes t limi t I'v e found i s a $ 4 game—no player ca n be t o r raise mor e tha n $ 4 in on e bet. Most neighborhood poke r games range between 50cent an d $ 2 limit games . Stakes are set by the guys sitting around your table— the "house " in neighborhood poker—wh o ar e tryin g t o find the holy ground between "If we don't play for at least this much , n o on e wil l b e bluffe d out, " and "I f w e play for thi s much , I' m liabl e t o b e eatin g bologn a sand wiches fo r th e nex t month. " Th e lowes t allowabl e be t should b e enough t o force you out o f a game i f you only have an iff y hand . If the lowes t allowabl e be t i s too low, everyone wil l sta y i n ever y hand , whic h remove s th e element o f bluffing . Fo r poker t o hav e an y excitement, there has t o be a n element of danger—the danger of the month-long diet of bologna sandwiches . How much yo u can be t i s determined b y the stake s and th e chi p denomination s available . Poke r chip s i n neighborhood gam e are most ofte n plasti c and com e in red, white, and blue; each color equal s a denomination. For som e reason , whit e chip s alway s represen t th e

WHAT YOU PLA Y FO R

13

lowest allowable bet. In a $1 limit game, the white chips would b e wort h a quarter , the re d chips ; 5 0 cents, an d the blue chips, $1 . Some low-stake s game s hav e liberal betting rules. In a $1 game, you can be t any amount that is a multiple of 25 cents—th e lowes t availabl e chi p denomination—a t any time . You can, theoretically , bet $ 1 on you r first up card. I n other game s there are varyin g levels o f restrictions, dependin g on whose house you'r e in. In some $1 games, you can be t $ 1 only in the las t betting round. The reaso n fo r an y an d al l restrictions—an d fo r a limit o n stakes—i s t o kee p thing s friendly . Th e reaso n you play neighborhood poke r i s to hav e fun, not to win money. Money just makes th e gam e interesting . A friend of min e onc e sai d tha t i f you nee d th e mone y fro m a neighborhood poke r game to liv e on, you need help . Few players i n a neighborhoo d poke r gam e ar e ap preciably bette r tha n th e othe r players . With som e notable exceptions , n o on e win s al l th e tim e and n o on e loses all the time . Another poker acquaintanc e o f mine noted tha t th e sam e $5 0 keeps makin g its way around the table. In other words, you'll win one week, you'll los e the next . Player s who lose consistently don' t sta y i n the game an d ar e replace d b y better players who shar e th e wealth—or lac k thereof. ANTE UP Part of the stake s i s the ante—th e preliminary bet, a set amount placed int o the pot by each player before a hand is dealt . Th e ante ensure s tha t each playe r has a small investment in the hand and that no one get s a free rid e if he drops out after seein g his crummy cards. The ante remains consisten t throughou t a game , s o th e questio n "How muc h i s the ante? " isn' t raised befor e eac h hand .

14

POKER BASIC S

Keeping th e amoun t o f th e ant e consisten t simplifie s matters. But, lik e everythin g else i n life , antein g i s no t a s simple a s i t should be . Th e mos t accepte d metho d o f anteing i s th e deale r bellow s "ant e up " an d everyon e dutifully tosse s i n th e require d amount. Bu t when th e antes ar e counted prio r to a deal, th e pot is often shor t one ante—a poker inevitability, sort of like the death and taxes o f poker . N o matte r ho w diligen t o r reliabl e th e players are , o r ho w alcohol-fre e th e gam e is , hal f th e pots ar e alway s shy one ante . Eac h player piously testifies tha t he' s anted , ofte n relatin g a comple x serie s of events a s proof : 'Afte r I folde d m y las t hand , I knew I should ge t read y for the nex t hand, so I took a chi p off my pile and lef t i t out fron t her e s o I wouldn't forget t o ante, an d now—it' s no t here ! S o I mus t hav e anted. " Eventually, som e impatien t and overl y generous sucke r will disgustedl y thro w i n a secon d ant e jus t t o ge t th e next hand started . One way to avoid this misunderstanding is to ante in sequence, startin g from th e lef t o f the dealer . Bu t afte r three hours of playing with Jack Daniels, it's tough to get players to behave so anal-retentively. A secon d metho d t o mak e sur e tha t ther e ar e n o mistakes and guarante e that the pot will always be righ t is fo r th e deale r t o ant e fo r everyone . I f ther e ar e fiv e players i n the game and the ante is a quarter, the deale r antes $1.25— 25 cent s time s five players—before deal ing. This means, o f course, tha t each playe r must deal the sam e numbe r of hands s o tha t n o on e ante s mor e than anyone else . As I mentioned , th e ant e remain s consisten t throughout a game . An y dealer, however , ca n declar e any ante h e like s for that hand. I n some five-card stud games, a deale r wil l doubl e th e ant e and th e stake s t o

WHAT YOU PLAY FO R

15

make a pot bigger than it might normally be after the fou r rounds o f betting in five-card stud. The siz e o f a pot can als o be increase d b y charging players for additional cards in certain games. The dealer announces befor e h e deal s tha t th e firs t ne w card , for instance, wil l cos t everybod y $X , an d th e secon d ne w card will cost $X-Plus . The ante i s part of the pot that the winner or winners of a han d collect . However , i n som e game s th e ante s from eac h han d ar e pu t aside . A group i n on e neigh borhood game I know saves all the ante s fo r a big party at a fanc y restauran t a t th e en d o f the year . I have suggested t o the grou p I play with that we sav e our antes t o buy a real, felt-covered poker table, with built-in coaster s for bottle s o r glasses , an d chi p wells. My "friends" want to kno w who'll ow n th e table . I assumed tha t since w e play i n m y apartment. . . . Th e suggestio n hasn't gon e over too well. SHOW US YOUR PAIRS

We're extremely friendl y at my house—we play a restrictive 50-cen t limi t game . Th e chi p denomination s ar e also 25 cents, 5 0 cents, an d $1—th e $ 1 chips ar e use d for convenience whe n a player wants to bet 50 cents an d raise 5 0 cents. A bet o f 50 cents, however , cannot b e mad e unless a player is dealt an exposed pair—called "a pair showing." For instance, i f a playe r has tw o 7s dealt up t o hi m i n a seven-card stu d game , h e ca n be t eithe r 2 5 cents or 50 cents. An y player at the table can bet or raise 50 cents a s long as one playe r has a pair showing, even if the player with the pair doesn't want to bet 50 cents o r doesn't want to bet at all. A "pair showing" means jus t that—a pair as part of a

16

POKER BASICS

player's u p cards. In a seven-card stu d han d with a wild card, a player could ge t a wild card o n his first up card . Obviously, thi s mean s thi s playe r ha s a pair—th e wil d card an d on e o f his hol e cards—bu t bot h card s o f the pair aren't exposed. The other player s don' t kno w what the pai r consists of since half o f it is hidden in the hole . Since the y don' t kno w wha t th e pai r consist s of , an d since an y playe r theoreticall y ca n hav e a pai r wit h or without a wil d car d i n th e hole , th e be t remain s th e minimum, or 25 cents. There isn't a pair showing until a second card i s dealt to the player with the wild card an d all the players know what the pair is. There will be situations in which a player with a pair showing drops out , leaving no pair showing amongst the remaining players . Ca n yo u stil l be t 5 0 cents ? Thi s comes unde r th e jurisdictio n of the hous e rules . Som e houses pla y tha t sinc e ther e had bee n a pai r showing, the bettin g can continu e as i f the pair were stil l there— sort o f lik e a pair-showin g grandfathe r clause. Othe r houses play the converse—once the pair goes out of the game, ther e i s no longe r a pair showing and, therefore, only 25-cent bet s can be made . There wil l b e time s when fou r u p card s ar e deal t t o each playe r an d n o on e get s a pai r showing , s o onl y quarters ar e bet . O r sometimes player s ar e to o cheap : No on e ha s a goo d hand , no t eve n a littl e pai r lik e deuces, so everyon e "checks. " (A player can "check" — choose not to bet—as long as he doesn't owe the pot any money. A s soo n a s someon e bets , th e playe r wh o checked must pay the pot or drop.) B y the thir d round of betting—or, i n thi s case , checking—th e origina l ante s are th e onl y chips i n the pot . Becaus e o f the likelihood that n o pai r wil l b e showing , i n som e neighborhoo d games a 50-cen t be t i s aHowe d afte r th e las t card—th e final dow n car d i n a seven-car d stu d game , fo r exam -

WHAT YOU PLAY FO R

17

pie—is dealt. Allowin g th e maximu m bet afte r th e final card build s up what could b e a disappointing pot. This may sound like an overly restrictive way to play. Admittedly, th e amoun t o f bluffin g shrink s sinc e fe w players wil l b e bluffe d ou t o f a gam e i f all the y have t o bet is 50 cents. But we are low-stake-living poker players. Our ide a o f a ba d nigh t i s $30 in losses; w e rarel y have dates ho t enoug h t o warran t springin g fo r dinne r a t Lutece. Th e Automat is more lik e it. These low stakes— so-called quarter/half—game s ar e fairl y commo n an d constitute th e majorit y o f neighborhoo d poke r game s I've allowe d mysel f to lose money in . I have playe d i n $ 2 limit neighborhood poke r games with mor e prosperou s fellow s wh o wer e lawyers , doc tors, o r successfu l entrepreneur s o n th e verge of being bought ou t b y larg e corporations. I found tha t moving from a 50-cent limi t to a $1 limit game, or from a $1 to a $2 game , doesn' t doubl e you r potentia l winning s or losses. I n bot h cases , it' s mor e lik e thre e time s th e damage—your winning s or , mor e likely , you r losses , increase geometrically with each step up i n stakes. You r urge i s t o be t mor e t o wi n bac k you r losses , whic h always mean s yo u lose more. Thes e riche r types i n the $2 game ha d mone y to burn, bluffed wit h abandon, an d played wit h what th e Spanish-speakin g segment o f our population calls "cojones." That's "chutzpah" to those of you o f a differen t ethni c persuasion . I couldn' t reall y afford—or didn' t hav e th e cojones—t o sta y i n thes e games very long. CHIPPING I N The house wil l dictate a minimum chip purchase befor e you sit down at the table. For instance, in a 50-cent limit game, you have to buy at least $10 worth of chips, doled

18

POKER BASICS

out in 25-cent, 50-cent, and $ 1 chips. I n a $1 limit game, the minimum purchase i s $20. Some games also require you hav e a certai n amoun t o f mone y o n you—th e amount yo u mus t b e willin g t o lose . Thi s minimum ensures tha t player s don' t dro p ou t to o earl y i n th e evening, leaving the game short-handed . Th e higher the stakes, th e mor e strictl y th e minimum s are enforced , especially for new players . I hav e playe d i n loosel y organize d affair s tha t re quired everyone to bring rolls of quarters. How declasse! How unwieldy ! Naked quarter s don' t stac k well , they bounce around too much, and they're too thin to pick up after a long night. And who wants to go home with $25 in winnings, pockets bulgin g with a hundred quarters? Chips ar e big , they'r e substantial , an d the y don' t bounce aroun d a s much . Chip s mak e yo u fee l a s i f you're really playing poker, since that's the way they play in th e casino s an d i n James Bon d movies . Chip s stack up nic e an d neat . Peopl e alway s seem t o get shot when there's cash money on the table, and besides, it' s hard to picture Sean Conner y tossing quarters to raise. Chips ar e dole d ou t i n pre-measured stacks . When players come in , they drop the predetermined minimum into the "bank," or the "kitty" (the place where the cash is kept), then take a stac k o f chips. Th e bank is often a cigar box o r shoebox. Since this is the video age, I use an empt y plastic video box. At the en d o f the game, the host act s a s ban k teller to exchang e th e chip s fo r nice crisp greenbacks , o r "presidents" in poker parlance . Only inexperienced banker s don't bother to put their own mone y i n th e kitty . The y just take chip s an d play . This i s a sure way to go bankrupt. You come t o believe you hav e a n endles s pil e o f chip s t o pla y with. You'll soon los e trac k o f ho w many , chips you'v e take n and,

WHAT YOU PLAY FO R

19

therefore, ho w muc h mone y you've lost . A t the en d o f the evening, you'll find that you've lost far more than you thought. Buy chips like everyone else. There'll be less of a nee d fo r you t o retriev e your life' s saving s fro m you r mattress to pay off the winners.

C H A P T E R

3

Betting With Your Head (While All About You Are Losing Theirs)

D

id you r gy m teacher eve r spli t your class int o fou r teams b y standing you shoulder to shoulder and tellin g you to count off in fours? One, two, three, four , one, two, three, four, each teenager i n his own inimitably squeaky, multi-octave voice . An d there's alway s on e gu y in lin e who misses his turn. One, two, three . . . then a nanosecond of awkward silence as everyone realize s tha t some knucklehead has forgotte n t o call out a number. Well, poker betting has th e same kin d of cadence, it s own rhythm , withou t th e prepubescen t squeaks . Bu t rather than just counting, the bets ar e performed, like a series o f solos i n a jazz group. Eac h sol o i s individual and origina l t o tha t player , ye t i t follow s o n wha t a previous playe r ha s bet , an d th e entir e sequenc e i s based on an overall melody and rhyth m pattern. If someone break s th e rhythm, it disrupts the entire game. Try readin g thi s five-playe r bettin g sequenc e a s quickly a s yo u ca n bu t don' t worr y i f you don' t under stand what' s going on just yet.

20

BETTING WITH YOUR HEAD

21

Player A: I check. Player B: I open fo r a dollar. Player C: I call. Player D: I see th e dollar and rais e two dollars. Player E: I cal l you r thre e dollar s an d rais e anothe r three dollars . Player F: I raise another two dollars. A: I call. B: I see th e bet, and rais e another two dollars. C: I call. D: I see th e raise , and rais e another dollar. Imagine thi s sequenc e i n a smok y room , wit h player s tossing thei r chips i n confidently or apprehensively on a table pile d hig h with multicolored chips , eac h be t following quickly on the heels o f the one before . Understanding betting rhythm i s a bi t lik e art appre ciation. You don't need t o understand it, but it makes th e experience tha t muc h mor e rewarding . There i s a fa r more practical reaso n for this imaginary sequence, however: Bettin g ma y hav e rhythm , bu t yo u can' t le t th e rhythm lul l you to sleep. Read th e sequenc e again . I f you've playe d poke r before, you'll notice that the round isn't finished. Assuming n o mor e raises, wha t does the nex t player, Playe r E, owe th e pot ? Ho w about th e subsequen t players ? And who has the final bet? If you sai d Playe r E owes $5 , you're right—Player F's $2 raise , Playe r B' s $ 2 raise , an d Playe r D' s $ 1 raise . Player F now owes only $3, since h e raised $ 2 last time. He owe s Playe r B's $2 and Playe r D's $1. Playe r A, wh o called the last time, owes th e same $3. Player B owes th e $1 that Player D raised. Playe r C owes th e sam e $1 . And Player D owes nothing, since he made the last raise, an d

22

POKER BASIC S

this bettin g roun d i s over . Bu t don't worry . There'll b e another jus t as soo n a s everyon e get s hi s nex t card . (If you are a poker novic e an d are confused a s to what just happened here , relax . All will be explained. ) Had yo u bee n involve d i n what wa s goin g on , yo u may have had less trouble figuring out who owed what, but th e poin t i s tha t bettin g round s i n neighborhoo d poker mov e briskly . The spee d wit h which eac h be t i s made speak s volume s o f what a han d ma y contain . A quick and sure raise tells players that you have a hand to reckon with , bu t player s ca n smel l pani c wit h ever y hesitant call. As we will see, i f you have to think about a bet, it ain't worth betting on t o begin with. To b e honest , I'v e ofte n los t trac k o f th e bettin g sequence after droppin g out o f a hand, even i f I'm trying to follo w it . Betting i s both intuitiv e and scientific—yo u have t o understan d th e consequence s o f how muc h t o bet, when to raise and when to call, and so on, but in the short spac e o f tim e i t take s fo r th e be t t o reac h you . Deciding o n a be t b y rationall y reviewin g everyone' s cards an d previou s bet s take s to o muc h time , s o you often hav e to trust your intuition based on experience t o make th e righ t bet . Th e onl y way to sharpe n thi s intui tion i s to practice. Just b e forewarne d tha t this practic e will cost you a couple of dollars in bad bets . Consider it an investment . Those of you who hav e bee n t o La s Vegas to watc h the WDrl d Series o f Poker or who hav e seen Th e Cincinnati Ki d wit h Steve McQuee n an d Edwar d G. Robinson are saying , "Thos e bettin g rounds didn' t mov e fast . I n Vegas, i t took a n hou r t o pla y one hand . I n The Cincinnati Kid, they took thei r time and considere d thei r bets. What's the rush?" I'll tel l you . I n Th e Cincinnati Kid, Eddi e and Stev e were contemplatin g th e metaphori c consequence s o f

BETTING WITH YOUR HEAD

23

their moves. I n Las Vegas, they take a half-hour betwee n calls and raise s because each be t i s hundreds o f thousands of dollars, not a quarter to call. Anyone who needs more tha n te n second s t o decid e t o cal l a quarte r shouldn't be sitting at a poker table. He should be finger painting. If you noticed , ther e wer e fou r raise s i n m y sampl e round. I n man y neighborhoo d games , lik e m y own , raises ar e limite d t o jus t thre e i n a singl e roun d o f betting. This rule can be expressed and rigidl y enforced or b e a gentleman' s agreemen t an d loosel y enforced . There ca n als o b e limit s to th e size s o f the raises . All these restriction s kee p everyon e friendl y an d solven t until the next game . These limit s ar e par t o f th e "hous e rules, " eac h neighborhood game's Te n Commandments o f poker tha t governs no t onl y stakes an d bettin g limits bu t als o th e way certai n commo n game s ar e played , ho w winning hands ar e decided , an d othe r rule s an d question s o f etiquette. House rule s ar e lik e Chines e restaurants—ever y menu ha s th e sam e basi c item s liste d i n differen t col umns fro m on e restauran t t o th e next . I n on e house , betting $1 anytime is fine. In another, $1 can onl y be be t when there' s a pai r showing . Bot h game s are $ 1 limit, but they are governe d by different hous e rules. These rule s develop ou t of mutual acceptance by the regular player s ove r tim e as situation s develop and are solved an d permanen t rule s are established shoul d that situation aris e in the future . It would b e nic e if , when yo u entere d a ne w game , someone hande d yo u a mimeographe d shee t wit h a listing of all the frequently played games an d thei r pecu liar variations, all the other house rules, and a map that shows th e location s o f th e refrigerato r an d th e

POKER BASICS

24

bathroom. Bu t I don't know of any game that well organized. Besides , ne w player s would spen d to o littl e time reading an d to o muc h tim e sniffin g th e mimeograp h chemical residue .

HOW TO BET All these rule s and rhythms , however, don' t answe r th e question o f how bettin g is actually done. Firs t an d fore most, bettin g i s don e i n sequenc e aroun d th e tabl e clockwise. Neve r make your bet unti l the player on your right has mad e his bet. Never, ever. Most poke r game s ar e deal t as "stud " games—a series of down, up, and down cards. In a typical seven-card stud game , eac h playe r wil l b e deal t tw o card s fac e down—"hole" cards. On e car d i s then dealt fac e u p t o each player . The playe r with the highes t showin g car d "opens"—has th e first opportunity to bet. Conside r this five-handed seven-card stu d game .

Player A: Player B: Player C: Player D: Dealer:

(10 (7 (2 (J (9

6 J 5 3 9

K 8 A J 9

In thi s example, Playe r C has a n Ace, so he can choos e to open th e betting or "check". Th e bet always passes to the lef t o f the playe r who opens . S o i f Player C checks, the be t passe s t o Playe r D on Playe r C' s lef t (imagin e these player s sittin g i n a circle , no t vertically on to p of each other) , no t t o Playe r A who ha s a King , th e nex t highest card . Playe r D can als o check . I f Player C di d make a bet, Playe r D then must "see" o r "call"—bet th e same amount t o stay in the game . Th e dealer, Player E,

BETTING WITH YOUR HEAD

25

now owes whatever Playe r C bet, plus whatever Playe r D may have raised . Th e bettin g round continue s unti l n o one owes any money to the pot . In som e games th e betting , a s I mentioned, i s also limited b y the numbe r of raises tha t can b e mad e i n a single round—three in most neighborhoo d games . Continuing th e five-hande d gam e jus t dealt , let' s sa y tha t Player C opens . Player D sees the bet and raises—that's raise numbe r one. The dealer see s th e origina l bet and th e raise , then also raises—that's raise number two . Player A call s al l th e bet s an d raises , the n als o raises—that's raise numbe r three. Since that' s the third raise, n o else can raise . Al l the players can no w only call the preceding bets and raises . The dealer will be the last player to put money in the pot, since Playe r A made th e las t raise. After thi s initia l roun d o f bettin g i s completed , an other singl e roun d o f u p card s i s dealt , followe d b y another roun d o f bettin g led of f by th e playe r with th e highest card s showing . After fou r u p card s ar e deal t t o each player, a round o f down cards is dealt, followed by a final round of betting. After th e fina l roun d o f betting, all th e player s sho w their hol e card s an d cal l thei r hands , an d a winne r is declared. Ofte n th e playe r who mad e th e las t raise wil l show hi s hand first—that's what it means to "call" a bet . The players all "call" for the raise r to reveal his hand. Ofttimes a playe r runs out o f chips i n the middl e of the hand. Instea d o f pulling out his wallet for additional dollars an d interruptin g th e flo w o f the bettin g (o r perhaps he's superstitious about buying chips in the middle of a hand) , h e ca n be t "shy " or "light," which mean th e same thing . To play light , th e playe r continues betting ,

26

POKER BASICS

but instea d of putting chips into the pot, he takes chips out of the pot. In this way he keeps track of what he has bet. H e announces hi s attention to "pull light " by saying "I'm shy " an d pullin g ou t chip s equivalen t t o whateve r he owes the pot. H e places these ligh t chips i n a single pile i n fron t o f him. The gam e i s over . I f Mr. Light win s a po t tha t h e shares wit h anothe r player , h e hand s th e ligh t chip s t o the othe r winner , the n split s u p th e remainin g chip s evenly. I f he loses , h e mus t giv e th e winne r the ligh t chips he' s bee n pilin g i n fron t o f him , plu s a n equa l number of additional chips or the value of the light chip s in dollars . I f two peopl e shar e th e pot , h e hand s on e winner th e light s an d give s th e othe r winne r an equa l number of chips or cash. LOW-STAKES IDIOSYNCRASIES As we mentioned, these betting rounds have limits so no one wins or loses too much. When someone asks "What do yo u play? " i n referenc e t o ou r game , m y mos t frequent respons e sound s somethin g lik e "Quarter/half , three bump max, half only with a pair showing." In Poker English, tha t mean s th e ant e an d minimu m be t i s 2 5 cents, ther e ca n onl y b e thre e raise s i n on e roun d of betting, and you can be t the maximum—in this case, 50 cents—only when there's a pair showing or after the final card i s dealt . One characteristi c of low-stake s poker, especially a game wit h al l thes e bettin g restrictions , i s lo w betting , especially a t the start of a hand. Players , to feel out their competition, wil l ofte n chec k o n th e first round t o se e who wil l ope n th e betting . The theor y i s tha t a playe r who open s mus t hav e decen t cards . Bu t tha t playe r might no t want to "tell"—give a clu e to his hand wit h a

BETTING WITH YOUR HEAD

27

distinctive gesture o r habit—that he has good cards , so he'll als o check, o r no on e will have a goo d hand , s o everyone checks. By the end of a hand, the winner needs a magnifying glas s and tweezers to collect his winnings. This has precipitate d the custom of "forced openers" in som e low-stake s neighborhoo d games . Force d openers mean s tha t i f you ca n open , yo u must—yo u cannot check . I f you don' t bet , yo u hav e t o fold . Thi s ensures that there is money in the pot. There is no sense playing poke r i f there isn' t goin g to b e an y mone y a t stake. Th e specifi c rule s for force d opener s var y fro m house to house . Forced openers isn' t the most ubiquitous house rule; all player s lik e t o hav e som e choic e i n thei r betting. Many games hav e muc h highe r stakes and allo w mor e latitude in betting and bluffing , s o they have no need for such a rule . Mor e ofte n tha n not , force d opener s ar e used to dress up what may be an inherently slow-betting game, rather than being a continuously enforced house rule. Since w e ar e suppose d t o b e friend s i n a neigh borhood game , a practic e know n as "sandbagging" — checking the n raisin g i n th e sam e bettin g round—i s usually outlawed. Sandbagging starts when Player A has a good hand but doesn't want to "tell" by betting it, so he checks o r calls instea d of betting or raising. Succeeding players, thinking that Player A has only a moderate hand, bet o r rais e instead . B y the tim e th e be t come s bac k around t o the sandbagger , everyon e els e ha s mad e a n investment i n the hand . Onc e everyon e ha s bee n thu s suckered in , he raises . This i s a bluffin g strateg y use d most often i n high-stakes poker to lure players into a pot to the poin t where i t becomes tough to fol d becaus e of the money already committed in the hand. For instance : Yo u are deal t thre e Aces , tw o i n th e

28

POKER BASICS

hole, on e showing . Yo u want t o be t $1 , bu t the n yo u would hav e t o rel y o n someon e els e t o rais e s o you could rais e bac k an d buil d u p th e pot . S o you check, indicating tha t you have a poor hand i n the hole. Some one else opens. When the bet comes back to you in that betting round, you call what has alread y bee n bet , then raise. Sinc e everyon e ha s alread y put money i n the pot, they mus t cal l you r rais e t o protec t thei r investments , thereby doubling the money i n the pot. Sneaky, huh? This same tactic i s used whe n a playe r with a goo d hand calls a bet. Someone els e in the round raises, the n the playe r who calle d earlier , raises. Calling and raising is a mor e gentee l for m o f sandbaggin g an d i s jus t a s sneaky. Sandbagging i s a nea t bu t nast y tacti c i n bot h it s forms, a s fa r a s I' m concerned . I' m no t i n a neigh borhood game to fleece money from my friends with this kind o f deviou s maneuver—I' m ther e t o hav e a goo d time. Whe n someon e sandbag s me , I feel lik e a frien d has playe d a dirty trick on me . Other players, of course, feel tha t sandbaggin g i s par t o f the game . Well , viv a l a difference. Jus t deal m e out. In a new game, i t is worthwhile to double-check this rule—at th e star t of play, no t i n the middl e of a hand — before you inadvertentl y violate it. If you are sandbagge d in the middl e of a hand an d n o on e els e says anything, tough luck . But remember, a sandbagger ca n be hoiste d on his own petard . BRINGING IT ALL BACK HOME

We started a han d an d no w we'll finis h it , using all th e basics we're covered . Here' s th e sam e layou t from th e beginning of this chapter, with the hol e cards i n parentheses:

BETTING WITH YOUR HEAD

Player A: Player B: Player C: Player D: Dealer:

(10

(7 (2 (J (9

29

6 ) K J ) 8 5 ) A 3 ) J 9 ) 9

Player C has an Ace showing, so he bets 25 cents. Player D calls the 25 cents and raises 25 cents on his pair of Jacks. The dealer call s th e 5 0 cents an d raise s anothe r 25 cents on his three 9s. Player A calls the 7 5 cents. Player B call s th e 7 5 cent s an d raise s anothe r 25 cents on his three cards to a heart flush. The be t come s bac k t o Playe r C , who ha s pai d 25 cents and no w owes 75 cents in raises. Player D, with his pair of Jacks, now owes 50 cents— Player E's and Playe r B's raises. Since there have already been three raises, however, he cannot raise again. All he can do is call and toss his 50 cents into the pot. The three-raise rule can be used as a strategy to stop someone wh o is consistently raising, especially once a pair is showing. I'll deal out another card to each player to show you what I mean: Player A: Player B: Player C: Player D: Dealer:

(10 (7 (2 (J (9

6 ) J ) 5 ) 3 ) 9 )

K 8 A J 9

K 10 A 8 Q

Player C got anothe r Ac e an d Playe r A got anothe r King. Obviously, both these player s will want to be t 5 0 cents. Player C does s o to open.

30

POKER BASICS

Player D has a pai r of Jacks, but ther e are no w two hands showin g tha t bea t him . H e raises , bu t onl y 25 cents, thereb y taking on e o f the raise s an d makin g th e total bet 75 cents. The dealer, who stil l has thre e 9s, calls the 7 5 cents and raises 5 0 cents—the second raise—makin g the total $1.25. Player A , with a pai r o f Kings , call s th e $1.2 5 an d raises 50 cents. But that' s th e thir d raise . Th e tota l i s no w $1.75 , which Player B calls. Player C no w owe s $1.2 5 i n raises . Unde r normal circumstances, h e woul d rais e anothe r 5 0 cents , bu t there have already been thre e raises, s o he can only call the $1.2 5 he owes . Often, afte r a 50-cen t rais e b y a playe r wit h a particularly stron g han d showing , two subsequent players will raise quarters to kill the betting so they can afford t o stay in the game . This i s where th e rhyth m o f betting comes in . Concentrating on th e sequence an d rhyth m of the betting — how muc h i s be t b y eac h playe r an d ho w quickl y o r slowly som e player s make these bets—combine d wit h your knowledge of cards and what a player has showing, should giv e you clues t o the hands your opponents ar e holding an d wha t yo u shoul d bet . A non-participant watching a hand , even i f he know s these nuances , will often ge t lost in a complex betting sequence. H e has n o vested interest . Mone y is what makes poke r interesting and make s playin g fun. Playin g for "fun," however, isn't. I'll play out thi s hand fo r those of who ma y be curious a s t o ho w i t all turne d out . I'l l deal ou t th e subse quent cards an d describ e the action as we go. (Kee p in mind tha t th e wa y I' m bettin g fo r eac h playe r i s no t

31

BETTING WITH YOUR HEAD

necessarily the way someone els e may bet. I tend to b e conservative, which will come as no great surprise to my poker buddies. ) Player A: Player B: Player C: Player D: Dealer:

00 (7 (2 (J (9

6 J 5 3 9

) ) ) ) )

K 8 A J 9

K 10 A 8 Q

6 2 K 8 J

Player C, with a pair of Aces, is still high, so he opens for 5 0 cents. Player D now ha s a pair of 8s showing, and tw o pair with hi s Jacks . H e doesn't know if Player C has another Ace o r tw o pair tha t would b e highe r tha n his , s o h e calls. The dealer still has three 9s and three to a straight— 9-J-Q—and he raises 50 cents. Player A now ha s tw o pair, King s and 6s , an d take s the second raise for another 50 cents. Player B , with four card s to a straight and three to a heart flush , no w owes $1.50 . He doesn't hav e his han d yet, bu t h e want s t o sta y i n th e game . H e know s tha t someone will take the third 50-cent raise, so he kills the betting with a 25-cent raise. Player C now owes $1.2 5 and calls . Player D also owes $1.2 5 and calls . The dealer, who made a 50-cent raise, owes 75 cents and calls. Player A , wh o als o raised , owe s th e 25-cen t rais e Player B made and calls . Player B mad e th e las t raise , s o h e doesn' t ow e anything. Here's the final up card.

32 Player A: Player B: Player C: Player D: Dealer:

POKER BASICS

00 (7 (2 (J (9

6 J 5 3 9

K 8 A J 9

K 10

A 8. Q

6 2 K 8 J

K 6 A 4 4

Players C and A both hav e thre e o f a kin d showing, but Player C still has Aces, so he still opens for 50 cents. Player D has tw o pair, Jacks over 8s. If either Playe r C or Player A already ha s a ful l house , h e can't win . Plus, the dealer has on e of the two remaining Jacks showing, and Playe r B has on e o f the tw o remainin g 8s, s o th e odds of getting the final Jack or 8 aren't good. In the time it ha s take n m e t o explai n this , though , Playe r D ha s folded. The dealer sees the same full house possibilities, bu t there i s still a fourt h 9 available. Th e odds aren't great , but it's tough to fold three of a kind. He raises 25 cents to kill one o f the raises. Player A stares nervously at Player C's three Aces. But with th e thir d King , Playe r A has hi s ful l house , an d i f Player C wants t o raise , s o b e it . Playe r A calls th e 7 5 cents and raises 50 cents, the second raise . Player B also sees the ful l hous e possibilities. H e no longer has a chance at the flush, but a 9—the same 9 the dealer is looking for—wil l giv e him a straight. His brain tells hi m t o fold , hi s hear t tell s hi m t o stay . Hi s hear t wins, s o he calls the $1.25 he owe s and take s th e final raise fo r 25 cents. ( I know—you wouldn' t hav e stayed . When yo u writ e a book , yo u ca n fol d th e possibl e straight.) Player C has three Aces showing, which is better than Player A's three Kings showing. Bu t Player A raised hi m anyway. Thi s mean s tha t Playe r A either i s bluffin g or , more likely , can bea t three Aces. Playe r C has th e fourt h

BETTING WITH YOUR HEAD

33

King, so the best hand Playe r C can hav e is a full house . He coul d als o b e bluffing , bu t no t man y players rais e into three Aces . Unde r normal circumstances , Playe r A would have the choice of either bluffing an d raising back or being a chicken and calling. But all three raises have been taken , s o Playe r C fakes lik e h e want s t o raise . When he' s tol d tha t al l th e raise s ar e taken , h e act s disappointed an d call s th e $1—th e 25-cen t rais e fro m the dealer , th e 50-cen t rais e fro m Playe r A, an d th e 25cent rais e from Playe r B. It's a bluf f tha t didn't cost hi m any additional money . Now, the final down cards. Player A: Player B: Player C: Player D: Dealer:

(10 (7 (2 fold (9

6 ') K J ) 8 5 ') A 9 ') 9

K A