The Life of Antoinette Micolon (Reformation Texts With Translation Series)

the life of Antoinette micolon

Translated, Edited, and Introduced by

Linda Lierheimer

2004

REFORMATION TEXTS WITH TRANSLATION (1350-1650) Kenneth Hagen, General Editor Women of the Reformation Series, Volume 4 Merry Wiesner-Hanks, Editor Cover design by Sean Donnelly, from the only known image of Antoinette Micolon. Credit: CRDP d’Auvergne, France, Karine Joannet

Book layout and production: Joan Skocir

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Colombe du Saint Esprit, sœur, 1592-1659. [Mémoires de la mère Micolon. English] The life of Antoinette Micolon / translated, edited, and introduced by Linda Lierheimer. p. cm. — (Reformation texts with translation (1350-1650). Women of the Reformation ; v. 4) Includes bibliographical references and index. ISBN 0-87462-708-7 (pbk. : alk. paper) 1. Colombe du Saint Esprit, sœur, 1592-1659. 2. Nuns—France— Biography. I. Lierheimer, Linda, 1960- II. Title. III. Series. BX4705.C6889A3 2004 271'.97402—dc22 2004018370

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without prior permission of the publisher,

2004

2

Contents Note on the text...........................................................................5 Introduction.................................................................................7 Part One.....................................................................................27 Part Two.....................................................................................85 Index .......................................................................................141

3




4

Note on the Text The manuscript account of Antoinette Micolon’s life that I have used here is housed in the archives of the Ursulines of Saint-Alyre in Clermont-Ferrand. The title on the fly-leaf is: Recueil de la vie et vertus de la Mère Antoinette Micolon ditte Sœur Colombe du Saint Esprit, Première Ursuline d’Auvergne, Fondatrice du couvent d’Ambert, de Clermont, de Tulle, de Beaulieu, d’Espailloux et d’Arlanc où elle est decedée. I am grateful to Sœur Saint-Bernard, the archivist at St-Alyre, for giving permission to publish this text and for trusting me to retain the spirit of the original in my abridged translation. A microfilm copy of the manuscript also exists at the Archives départementales du Puy-de-Dôme in Clermont-Ferrand. A published version of the French text edited by Henri Pourrat was published in 1981 as Mémoires de la Mère Micolon (Clermont-Ferrand: La Française d’Edition et d’Imprimerie). Though I returned to the original manuscript for this project, Pourrat’s edition has been invaluable to me and has made the task of transcribing the French text much easier. The surviving manuscript probably dates from the late eighteenth century.1 The original manuscript, which has been lost, was written by Mère Micolon in the 1620s and 30s at the behest of her spiritual advisors. The surviving account of Antoinette Micolon’s life is told partly in the third person and partly in the first person. This is explained by the fact that the first volume of the existing manuscript (a second volume not translated here contains extracts from her spiritual writings) is copied from two earlier manuscripts: (1) a seventeenth-century account of her life based on Antoinette’s writings; and (2) a notebook written by Antoinette detailing the establishment and early years of the Ursuline convent in Tulle, the third congregation she founded. I refer to these here as “Part One” and “Part Two.” Part One of the manuscript is a transcription of an account of Antoinette’s life that was compiled soon after her death by the nuns from one of the communities that Antoinette had founded. The Ursuline historian Mère de Pommereu sent requests to Ursuline houses throughout France soliciting their contributions to her Chroniques 1 The editors who completed the project after Pourrat’s death dated the manuscript from the late eighteenth or early nineteenth century, based on the paper and handwriting.

5

6

The Life of Antoinette Micolon

de l’ordre des Ursulines which was published in 1673.2 The account of Antoinette’s life in the Chroniques is an abridged version of the more complete account of her life in the surviving manuscript, which makes it likely that this manuscript was compiled for the specific purpose of contributing to Mère de Pommereu’s project. Thus, though the surviving manuscript was copied at a later date, its contents can be traced to the mid-seventeenth century. The remarkable similarity in the style and spirit of Parts One and Two make it clear that the changes made to Antoinette’s original account were minimal. The French text and English translation of Antoinette Micolon’s life included in this volume are abridged from the much longer manuscript described above. In choosing what to include my goals have been to give a vivid account of the life and concerns of religious women in the early years of the Catholic Reformation in France, and to remain true to the spirit of the original. I have left out some episodes and details, mostly from the first part of the manuscript, that may not be of great interest to present-day historians and students of the period, and have tried to keep as much of Antoinette’s first-person account as possible. The spelling and grammar in the original manuscript are eclectic, to say the least. In transcribing the French text, I have corrected the spellings and some of the grammar, and have added punctuation in the interest of clarity. Since the manuscript dates from the eighteenth-century, it is not clear whether these ‘errors’ date from the original or from the time it was copied, so it did not seem useful to preserve them. I have tried to retain most of the phrasing of the original in the English translation, even when this does not conform to proper modern (or early modern) grammar. Antoinette Micolon did not write in polished or strictly correct French, which reflects her lack of formal education, as well as the fact that French was not her first language. Certain stylistic ‘tics,’ such as missing pronouns at the beginning of sentences and omitting the “ne” in negations, show the influence of the regional dialect, auvergnat, and preserving these may allow us to hear an echo of the speech patterns of seventeenth-century provincial France. 2 “La Vie de la Mère Anthoinette Micollon, dite Colombe du Saint Esprit, Religieuse Ursuline de Tulles,” in Marie-Augustine de Pommereu, Les Chroniques de l’ordre des Ursulines recueillies pour l’usage des Religieuses du mesme Ordre, vol. 2 (Paris, 1673), 231-256.

Introduction to The Life of Antoinette Micolon In his classic study of religion in France since the Reformation, Henri Brémond observed that behind every important spiritual development in seventeenth-century Catholicism one could find the inspiration of a woman.1 But while Brémond detailed the contributions of women to what he termed the “mystical invasion” of this age, most of his study focused on the more ‘important’ story of men. Since 1914, when his work was published, historians have tended to follow Brémond’s lead, and it is only recently that studies addressing the role of women in the Catholic Reformation have begun to appear.2 Rarer still are accounts told by these women themselves, especially in English translation. This book is the story of a remarkable woman, Antoinette Micolon, who founded six religious houses in the Auvergne region of France in the early years of the seventeenth century. Her writings offer a detailed firsthand account of one woman’s contribution to the process of spiritual renewal and religious change at the local level and are evidence of the critical importance of women in shaping the religious reforms of the age. The Council of Trent, which met between 1545 and 1563, sought to establish orthodox doctrine and practice, and set out new rules for women’s religious life. The Council declared that all feminine religious congregations were to be subject to the authority of the local bishop and their members required to take solemn vows and submit to cloister. It also tried to solve the problem of forced vocations by

1 Henri Brémond, Histoire littéraire du sentiment religieux en France, vol. 2 (Paris: Bloud et Gay, 1930), 36. 2 Among these works are Jodi Bilinkoff, The Avila of St. Teresa: Religious Reform in a Sixteenth-Century City (Ithaca: Cornell University Press, 1989); Barbara Diefendorf, From Penitence to Charity: Pious Women and the Catholic Reformation in Paris (Oxford: Oxford University Press, 2004); Sherrin Marshall, ed., Women in Reformation and Counter-Reformation Europe (Indianapolis and Bloomington: University of Indiana Press, 1989); Elizabeth Rapley, The Dévotes: Women and Church in Seventeenth-Century France (Montreal: McGill-Queen’s University Press, 1990); and A Social History of the Cloister: Daily Life in the Teaching Monasteries of the Old Regime (Montreal and Kingston: McGill-Queen’s University Press, 2001).

7

8

The Life of Antoinette Micolon

establishing minimum age requirements for taking religious vows.3 Historians of the period have focused on the rigid and confining nature of Trent’s policy regarding women. However this view of the Catholic Reformation as restricting women’s roles is belied by the reality of women’s religious activism in this period. Women expressed their enthusiasm by reforming existing convents, founding new religious orders, and entering the religious life in record numbers in what one historian has called a “conventual invasion.”4 In Paris alone at least forty-seven women’s religious houses were founded during the first half of the seventeenth century. In the Auvergne region of France where Antoinette Micolon was born and lived, twenty-five new houses for women were founded between 1613 and 1650.5 As teachers, catechizers and missionaries, women spread the spiritual ideals of the Catholic Reformation and opened up new roles for women in the Church. Among the new religious congregations for women were those whose members were devoted to an “active life” of engagement with the world. These women modeled themselves on male “apostles” like the Jesuits and devoted their lives to teaching and charity work. In place of a traditional contemplative model of female religious life, which defined the chief work of religious women as prayer and devotion, they developed a new model of women’s religious community and new spiritual ideals based on the mixed life of activity and contemplation.6 3

Female communities that were already subject to male religious orders were exempt from the control of bishops. Girls were not to enter the noviciate before age twelve or take solemn vows until age sixteen. H.J. Schroeder, Canons and Decrees of the Council of Trent (St. Louis: B. Herder, 1941), 220-228. 4 Elizabeth Rapley cites J.-P. Bardet’s Rouen aux XVIIe et XVIIIe siècles (Paris: SEDES, 1983) as the source of the phrase (A Social History of the Cloister, 16). 5 Barbara Diefendorf, “Contradictions of the Century of Saints: Aristocratic Patronage and the Convents of Counter-Reformation Paris,” French Historical Studies 24 (2001), 477; L. Welter, La réforme ecclésiastique du diocèse de Clermont au XVIIe siècle (Clermont-Ferrand, 1956), 116-117. Male monasticism also experienced an expansion, but to a lesser extent. In the Auvergne, only 10 new male religious houses were founded in the first half of the seventeenth century, compared with 25 female ones. Diefendorf identifies twenty-four new houses in Paris for men during the same period, roughly half the number for women. 6 On Ursuline spiritual ideals, see Linda Lierheimer, “Female Eloquence and Maternal Ministry: The Apostolate of Ursuline Nuns in Seventeenth-Century France” (Ph.D. dissertation, Princeton University, 1994), ch. 2.

Introduction

9

The earliest of these congregations was the Ursulines, founded in 1535 by Angela Merici in Brescia, Italy. Angela’s vision of the active participation of women in the reformation of a corrupt world led her to create a new form of religious life. The Brescia congregation was organized along military lines according to the principal of a “generalate” divided into four “collonellats” all headed by a single “Mother General,” a model which may later have influenced the Society of Jesus. These first Ursulines dedicated their lives to God, but remained with their families; they did not take formal religious vows and were not cloistered. The first French Ursuline congregation was founded in Avignon in 1592. In the decades that followed, the Ursulines spread rapidly in France, and by 1630 eighty houses had been established throughout the kingdom.7 Early Ursulines were uncloistered and moved freely in the world, caring for the sick and opening free schools for girls. But in 1612, the Paris Ursulines decided to adopt a monastic rule, and in the 1620s and 30s, most new and existing congregations embraced enclosure and the more traditional status of nuns. In addition to the three monastic vows of poverty, chastity and obedience, the Paris Ursulines adopted a fourth vow of teaching, which reflected the new order’s increasing focus on education and also protected their right to teach against any future attempt to restrict them to a more contemplative role. Antoinette Micolon, who founded six Ursuline houses between 1613 and 1650, was an important, though largely forgotten, figure in this history. Her life story gives us a vivid and detailed picture of the creation and spread of the new active religious congregations for women during the first half of the seventeenth century. It tells us of the motivations and the difficulties faced by the women who founded and joined such congregations, and of these women’s relationships with their families, their communities, other religious orders, and church officials. Like many of these congregations, the communities founded by Antoinette Micolon in Ambert and Clermont began as groups of devout women who, inspired by the religious enthusiasm of the age, gathered together to devote their lives to God. While the male clerics she consulted scoffed at her and attempted to deter her from her plan 7

Rapley, The Dévotes, 52.

10

The Life of Antoinette Micolon

to found a convent in Ambert, Antoinette quite easily found three like-minded young women to join her. Antoinette’s confessor was amazed by this, but it is a story that appears over and over again in the history of the active women’s religious orders of this period. When Antoinette went to Clermont to found her second religious house in 1615, she was responding to the request of three girls who had spent two years as Franciscan tertiaries in the hope of starting a religious congregation there. Once these women had overcome the opposition of their families and church officials and established a congregation, the first thing they did was to open their doors to students and begin the practice of their Institute—the instruction of young girls.8 Whereas late medieval convents had offered a rudimentary education mainly to future nuns, the new teaching orders of the Catholic Reformation, such as the Ursulines and the Congrégation de Notre-Dame, reached out to girls and women of all social levels. In addition to taking in boarders, these congregations opened day schools which offered free instruction in basic skills like reading, writing, and math. However, the quality of education offered in these schools varied widely; particularly in more remote areas the teachers themselves were often barely literate. The devout women in Clermont who later became Ursulines taught each other to read and write in the two years they waited for a foundation.9 It was not until she was in her teens that Antoinette Micolon learned to read and write, as well as how to speak French— her first language was auvergnat—by her own account, from the Holy Spirit. The annales of seventeenth-century women’s religious orders include a number of examples of such autodidacts.10 On a practical level, a new congregation had to deal with economic and material concerns. Its members were often forced to live in poverty while they established their community, sometimes relying on the charity of the local townspeople for food and provisions. In her home town of Ambert, Antoinette and her companions could 8

See Rapley, A Social History of the Cloister, ch. 13. As late as the 1660s, the Ursulines of Montferrand wrote to their Paris sisters for advice about whether to accept novices who could not read or write. “Remarques sur l’Observance des Règlemens,” ms. Ursulines de Saint-Alyre, Clermont-Ferrand. The Paris Rules made basic literacy a requirement for acceptance into the noviciate. 10 More common was the miraculous gift of understanding and reading Latin. See Lierheimer, “Female Eloquence and Maternal Ministry,” 350-351. 9

Introduction

11

depend on their families to supply them with food and basic necessities, but in Tulle the furnishings that had been lent to the new community upon their arrival were soon reclaimed—including, one evening, a pot that was cooking their dinner!—by the townspeople. Some towns tried to prevent the establishment of the new congregations, considering them a potential drain on their resources; this may well have been the issue when the people of Clermont opposed the foundation of the Ursulines there. In Tulle, the townspeople tried to recoup their expenses by claiming a portion of the boarders’ pensions from the new Ursuline convent, though Antoinette was able to prevent this. For a community to succeed, it required a solid financial basis. To achieve this, it was necessary to attract new nuns, who brought with them dowries, and to find wealthy patrons. A Superior with a savvy financial sense who was adept at developing and exploiting patronage networks, as Antoinette Micolon clearly was, could mean the difference between the survival and failure of a house. The establishment in Clermont was aided by the protection of Antoinette’s uncle, a canon at the church there, and it was the support of powerful patrons, including the mother of the bishop and the Comtesse de Lude, that convinced the bishop to honor his promise to allow them to become an order of nuns rather than remain an uncloistered congregation. When Antoinette and her sisters took their solemn vows of religion the “most respected people in the town” served as their godparents. In Tulle, the congregation acquired a wealthy patron, Madame de Conros, who provided the funds to build their church.11 Antoinette also relied on the support of influential clergymen, especially the Jesuits, whom she in turn helped to establish in Tulle. Antoinette oversaw the construction of the convent buildings, and when she departed Tulle, fourteen years after her arrival, she left the convent with an impressive 57,000 livres in assets, an accomplishment in which she took great pride. The main purpose of the instruction offered by the Ursulines and other teaching orders was religious. Their goal was not just to instruct young girls, but to reform whole communities by creating a new generation of Christian mothers who would in turn raise their 11 See Diefendorf, “Contradictions of the Century of Saints,” on the importance of lay patronage to women’s convents in the seventeenth century.

12

The Life of Antoinette Micolon

own children to be good Catholics. As teachers and catechists, these women contributed to the Church’s efforts to impose orthodoxy on the heterogeneous religious beliefs and practices of a rural populace that it saw as in need of “christianization.”12 To achieve this goal, the Church had to address the fact that France was a land divided by regional and linguistic differences. The duchy of the Auvergne, which had been an independent feudal state until the sixteenth century and was only annexed to the kingdom in 1531, is a case in point. While French was the language of administration, most people in the region spoke only auvergnat.13 The Council of Trent ordered preachers and missionaries to speak to the people of Europe in their local dialects, and Antoinette’s knowledge of both French and auvergnat made her an ideal mediator between the Church and the women of her community.14 In the early years of the Ambert congregation she held public catechisms in auvergnat for local peasant women and guided pious townswomen in mental prayer, a practice popularized during the Catholic Reformation and which had been unfamiliar in the town up to that point.15 Her methods seem to have proven effective since these women began to take communion regularly rather than twice a year as they had formerly done. Such activities, however, could come into conflict with traditional church prohibitions against women speaking or teaching in public, and could sometimes be confused with preaching, an activity associated with the priesthood. Whereas early Ursulines were known to give their catechisms to large crowds of both men and women in diverse ven12

On popular Christianity in late medieval and Reformation Europe, see Robert W. Scribner, Popular Culture and Popular Movements in Reformation Germany (London: Hambledon and London, 2003); Robert W. Scribner and Trevor Johnson, eds., Popular Religion in Germany and Central Europe (New York: St. Martin’s, 1996); and Jean Delumeau, Catholicism Between Luther and Voltaire (London: Burns and Oates, 1977), esp. 159-79. Delumeau’s assertion that popular Christianity was essentially “pagan” is oversimple, however there was a clear gap between popular beliefs and practices and Catholic doctrine as defined at Trent. 13 André Georges Manry, Histoire de l’Auvergne (Toulouse: Privat, 1974), 253280. 14 Schroeder 197. 15 Most people during this period practiced vocal prayer, or the recitation of the rosary and other set prayers. Mental prayer differed from vocal prayer in that it was silent. This type of prayer was popularized in the writings of St. Teresa of Avila and in the Jesuit Spiritual Exercises, which became a cornerstone of devout Catholicism during this period, and was part of a greater emphasis on interior spirituality that was characteristic of both the Protestant and Catholic Reformations.

Introduction

13

ues such as churches and barns, as time passed, their teaching became increasingly limited to the classroom.16 Antoinette’s account sheds light on the gradual enclosure of the active women’s congregations during the first half of the seventeenth century. The uncloistered lifestyle of early Ursulines departed from traditional models of women’s religious life, and from the principles of the Council of Trent, which declared that all religious women were to take solemn vows and submit to cloister. In a world in which a woman’s choices were limited to marriage or the convent, the Ursulines’ ambiguous status led to discomfort and sometimes harassment from laypeople and clergy alike. In some cases this involved suspicions about their virtue, as in Lyon where they were mistaken for repentant prostitutes.17 In Tulle, the townspeople were reluctant to send their daughters to the Ursulines for fear that the sisters would later leave and get married.18 Such concerns were probably behind the comments of the Minim father who denounced Antoinette and her companions from the pulpit when he gave the Lenten sermons in Ambert. In such a climate, it was difficult for an uncloistered congregation to attract the new members and wealthy patrons necessary to ensure the solid foundation of the community. Antoinette’s determination from the outset to become a cloistered nun challenges a historical narrative that presents the enclosure of the active women’s congregations as imposed by a Church determined to confine and control women.19 Though some women resisted becoming nuns, fearing that it would restrict their activities 16 See Linda Lierheimer, “Preaching or Teaching: Defining the Ursuline Mission in Seventeenth-Century France,” in Women Preachers and Prophets through Two Millennia of Christianity, ed. Beverly Kienzle and Pamela Walker (Berkeley: University of California Press, 1998), 212-226. 17 C. Bourguignon, La vie du Père Romillon, prestre de l’Oratoire de Jésus et fondateur de la congrégation des Ursulines en France (Marseille, 1649), 298. 18 For a more general discussion of such concerns, see Rapley, The Dévotes, 55; and Lierheimer, “Female Eloquence,” 42. 19 For example, Ruth Liebowitz, “Virgins in the Service of Christ: The Dispute Over an Active Apostolate for Women during the Counter-Reformation,” in Women of Spirit: Female Leadership in the Jewish and Christian Traditions, ed. Rosemary Ruether and Eleanor McLaughlin (New York: Simon and Schuster, 1979), 131-152; Gabriella Zarri, “Living Saints: A Typology of Female Sanctity in the Early Sixteenth Century,” in Women and Religion in Medieval and Renaissance Italy, ed. Daniel Bornstein and Roberto Rusconi (Chicago: University of Chicago Press, 1996), 253-254; and Jutta Gisela Sperling, Convents and the Body Politic in Late Renaissance Venice (Chicago: University of Chicago Press, 1999), 114-169.

14

The Life of Antoinette Micolon

and mission, many others saw this as a move to a “more perfect state.” While enclosure limited freedom of movement, it also lent stability and spiritual autonomy to a religious house.20 For Antoinette, who spent time both in the traditional Benedictine convent of SainteFleurine and with the uncloistered Ursuline congregation in Le Puy, the monastic life was clearly superior. After taking religious vows, she worked hard to obtain a papal bull that would officially recognize the communities she founded as monastic establishments, and the rules and constitutions that provided the spiritual basis for a religious community, eventually writing these herself.21 Her story is evidence that enclosure was not merely imposed from above by male clergy. For both pragmatic and spiritual reasons, many women chose to embrace the status of nuns, and the respectability and authority that went with it.

Antoinette Micolon and Spiritual Autobiography Antoinette Micolon’s story is part of a flowering of the genre of spiritual autobiography in the sixteenth and seventeenth centuries that produced such great works as the lives of St. Ignatius Loyola and St. Teresa of Avila.22 But Antoinette’s life does not fit neatly into the category of “spiritual autobiography” for two main reasons. First, the hybrid nature of the text, told in both the third and first person, makes it difficult to categorize as either biography or autobiogra-

20 In her study of the Spanish Carmelites, Jodi Bilinkoff argues that St. Teresa saw strict enclosure as potentially liberating when chosen voluntarily (132-133). See also Jodi Bilinkoff, “Navigating the Waves (of Devotion): Toward a Gendered Analysis of Early Modern Catholicism,” in Crossing Boundaries: Attending to Early Modern Women, ed. Jane Donawerth and Adele Seeff (Newark: University of Delaware Press, 2000), 166-167; and Diefendorf, “Contradictions,” 486-487. 21 These were published as Regles et constitutions des vierges religieuses du collège et monastaire de saincte Ursule de Tulle sous la règle de St. Augustin (1623). 22 This type of writing seems to have flourished most among Spanish and Italian women. Isabelle Poutrin has found more than a hundred autobiographical texts in convent archives written by Spanish nuns and devout women for their confessors during the sixteenth through eighteenth centuries. La voile et la plume: Autobiographie et sainteté féminine dans l’Espagne moderne (Madrid: Casa de Velásquez, 1995), 7-8.

Introduction

15

phy.23 Second, unlike the spiritual autobiographies of other major religious figures of her day, Antoinette’s story is not primarily a spiritual journey. Except when they relate directly to the central narrative of her story—her mission to establish and spread the nascent Ursuline order in France—she relegates most of her spiritual and mystical experiences to a separate notebook.24 But this leaves us with the question of how to define “spiritual autobiography.” Religious women’s autobiographies during this period took a variety of forms, including published works and unpublished manuscripts which circulated among nuns, and their autobiographical writings often supplemented published biographies and religious histories. Women often told their life stories in the form of letters, and some presented their “selves” exclusively in descriptions of their visionary and mystical experiences.25 Applying a modern definition of autobiography that focuses on the uniqueness of an individual is anachronistic when applied to a time when the concept of “self ” was so different from ours. And by assuming a single author, we tend to overlook the collaborative nature of much early modern religious writing. Consider, for example, the “autobiography” of St. Ignatius Loyola which he dictated to his secretary, Luis Gonçalves de Câmara. Câmara committed it to memory and wrote it down in the third person (though he claimed not to have written a word that he had not heard directly from Ignatius).26 Although Câmara’s role in shaping Ignatius’s story was no doubt crucial, we tend to overlook the collaborative nature of this project. Finally, religious women’s writings were almost always mediated by male clergy. Medieval holy women like Margery Kempe and Catherine of Siena communicated through an amanuensis; and Antoinette Micolon, like most women who wrote spiritual autobiographies in this period, was ordered to 23

Henri Pourrat, the twentieth-century French editor of the manuscript, used the term mémoires to describe it. 24 The two notebooks correspond to the two volumes of the manuscript mémoires at the archives of the Ursulines of Saint-Alyre. The volume of Antoinette’s spiritual writings, not included in the published version of the mémoires, is a collection of fragments tied together with the comments and summary of a later editor, and does not follow any clear chronology. 25 See Kristine Ibsen, Women’s Spiritual Autobiography in Colonial Spanish America (Gainesville: University Press of Florida, 1999), 10-11. 26 John Olin, ed., The Autobiography of St. Ignatius Loyola (New York: Fordham University Press, 1992), 2.

16

The Life of Antoinette Micolon

write by her confessor whose expectations would certainly have shaped her narrative. These facts should lead us to reconsider the role of Antoinette’s religious sisters, who reworked the first part of her story for inclusion in a published Ursuline history, in shaping her text. This was their story too, and indeed, the idea of fashioning or revealing a distinct personality contradicted the ideals of early modern religious men and women who privileged the identity of the community over the identity of the individual. The chief point of reference for Antoinette Micolon’s autobiography, as it was for so many early modern religious women, is the life of St. Teresa.27 Antoinette began writing her life story in 1620 at the age of twenty-eight (by which time she had already founded three Ursuline convents) after hearing and reading St. Teresa’s life. This event provides the closest thing to a “conversion moment” in the text. By Antoinette’s own account, she had become spiritually lazy, enjoying worldly pleasures and neglecting her spiritual duties. But one day at the dinner table she was so touched by a reading from the life of St. Teresa that she fled from the table in tears. She immediately sent for her spiritual director and began to practice mental prayer (a practice popularized by St. Teresa herself ), which she had been neglecting for some time. Later Antoinette opened St. Teresa’s life at random to “her lamentations over the memory of her sins,” which led Antoinette to reflect on her own sins. Soon after this episode, Antoinette started to write the account of her life. Antoinette’s identification with St. Teresa is not surprising considering the similarities in their missions, and it made sense that she would take St. Teresa as a model for constructing her own life story.28 In addition, Antoinette would have been familiar with the writings of other holy women and the stories of female saints, which also shaped how she told her story. Imitation was typical of this genre, and Antoinette’s references to Teresa would have lent authority and legitimacy to her writing and served to validate her experiences. This form of imitation was dynamic, rather than merely repetitive, and Antoinette’s story provides evidence of the ways that a model like St. Teresa’s Life could shape not only how a seventeenth-century holy 27

See Ibsen 15 and Poutrin 77-78. In the second volume of her writings not included here, Antoinette uses St. Teresa as a reference point when describing her visions and mystical experiences. 28

Introduction

17

woman organized the narrative of her own life, but also the very categories through which she experienced and understood her life.29 Antoinette’s account of her transformation as a result of reading the life of St. Teresa may in itself be imitative of Teresa’s life. In her own autobiography, Teresa described a similar “conversion” experience while reading St. Augustine’s Confessions: “When I began to read the Confessions I seemed to see myself portrayed there, and I began to commend myself frequently to that glorious saint. When I came to the tale of his conversion, and read how he heard the voice in the garden, it seemed exactly as if the Lord had spoken to me.”30 Teresa saw herself in Augustine just as Antoinette saw herself in Teresa. And to complete the chain of imitation, Teresa’s response may have been shaped by the fact that Augustine’s own conversion experience was inspired by an event from the life of St. Antony.31 But unlike St. Augustine, whose whole life story culminates in his conversion experience, Antoinette’s and Teresa’s experiences are not highlighted as climactic narrative moments in either of their lives. Rather, they are integrated into life stories with spiritual ebbs and flows that are marked by a number of life crises rather than a single transformative event. Caroline Walker Bynum has noted that medieval women’s life stories are “less processual than men’s; they don’t have turning points” and “the themes are less climax, conversion, reintegration and triumph...than continuity.”32 In her study of women saints in thirteenth-century Italy, Elizabeth Petroff identifies two distinct events that mark the early lives of these women: a crisis about their sexuality around the time of puberty, usually due to their families’ plans to marry them off, and a 29

Frank Bowman has argued that it is the very conjunction of subjectivity and an extreme awareness of literary models that defines this genre. The use of a model provides the writer with a framework for understanding and telling a life, but the themes and topoi borrowed from the model may be used to express emotions and experiences that are very different from the original. “Le statut littéraire de l’autobiographie spirituelle,” in Le Statut de la literature: Mélanges offertes à Paul Bénichou, ed. Marc Fumaroli (Geneva: Librairie Droz, 1982), 316-318. See also Ibsen 84. 30 Teresa of Avila, The Life of Saint Teresa of Avila by Herself (London: Penguin, 1957), 69. 31 St. Augustine, Confessions (Great Britain: Penguin, 1961), 177-178. 32 Caroline Walker Bynum, “Women’s Stories, Women’s Symbols: A Critique of Victor Turner’s Theory of Liminality,” in Fragmentation and Redemption: Essays on Gender and the Human Body in Medieval Religion (New York: Zone Books, 1991), 32.

18

The Life of Antoinette Micolon

bout with a serious incapacitating illness.33 These themes appear in Antoinette Micolon’s life as well. The manuscript opens with a brief account of Antoinette’s birth and early childhood. She was born in 1592 near Ambert in the Auvergne region of France, and her mother died when she was an infant. After her father remarried, she was left in the country where she received no instruction until she was brought to Ambert at the age of twelve. Adolescence was clearly traumatic for Antoinette: she was forced to adjust to a new environment where she was mocked for her ignorance and rusticity; she endured such bad treatment from her stepmother that she was tempted to commit suicide; and a number of failed attempts to arrange her marriage left her angry and humiliated. In contrast to the stories of many religious women, Antoinette was not at first opposed to marrying; however her experience on the “marriage market” led directly to her decision to become a nun. Antoinette was forced to recognize her lack of sexual attractiveness, caused at least in part by a terrible skin disease that plagued her from the age of twelve and led to her social ostracism. This is one of many parallels with the life of St. Teresa, who also experienced a serious illness during her adolescence that was the catalyst for her decision to become a nun. Despite Antoinette’s attempts to make herself appealing, both of her suitors ran off with other girls. A few days after the second rejection, Antoinette pledged her virginity to God. She cut off all her hair and burned it, along with her wig, a physical demonstration of the seriousness of her vocation that is typical of the genre. This act may be seen as symbolic, paralleling as it does the ritual that marked a nun’s profession, as well as marking a rejection of her sexuality and femininity.34 The remainder of Antoinette’s story revolves around a series of confrontations with male authorities. Like St. Teresa, whose father also opposed her religious vocation, Antoinette’s initial battle was with her father. After she told him of her desire to become a nun, he threatened to “attach her to a post with an iron chain and feed her hay and oats like a horse” if she spoke of it again, and he resisted her plans every step of the way. Here and elsewhere throughout the story, Antoinette’s father seems to be motivated chiefly by concerns about 33

Elizabeth Petroff, Consolation of the Blessed (New York: Alta Gaia Society, 1979), iii. See Ibsen 68-69.

34

Introduction

19

money and property. Since Antoinette was his eldest daughter and he had no sons, she was his chief heir and critical to the continuance of the family patrimony. While familial opposition is typical of the life stories of women religious, Antoinette’s descriptions of these father-daughter conflicts are unusual in their detail and the vivid picture they present of two strong personalities locking horns. At the Benedictine convent of Sainte-Fleurine, where Antoinette remained for two years without taking religious vows, her father, reluctant to pay her dowry, failed repeatedly to appear for her ceremonial entrance as a novice. Antoinette secretly devised a plan to become a sœur converse (a nun who was a servant to the other nuns in the convent), which would decrease the amount her father would have to pay for her dowry, but her father found out about her plan and she was forced to return to Ambert. Just before she left Sainte-Fleurine, Antoinette heard a voice that told her to return to Ambert and found a convent there. Here Antoinette’s story follows a pattern typical of many saints’ and nuns’ lives in which their vocations are tested and they defy their parents to run off and join a convent. Antoinette met with opposition from male clerics in her town but refused to be deterred. Antoinette and the devout young women she had won over decided to start an Ursuline congregation, and arranged to go to Le Puy to stay for a time with the Ursulines there. When Antoinette’s father objected, Antoinette left for Le Puy without his consent. Once again, this episode is similar to an event in the life of St. Teresa, who also ran away from home to join a convent against her father’s wishes.35 Antoinette replayed the initial battle with her father again and again with other male authority figures throughout her life. In Clermont, where Antoinette went to establish a second Ursuline community in 1615, she resisted the efforts of a powerful churchman to undermine her authority in the convent. Since the bishop was often ill or away, the success of the new congregation rested on the support of his subordinate, the Vicar General, who had opposed the establishment and did not view it with favor. His interference led to division within the convent when he forced Mère Micolon to accept as a novice a devout girl who soon built a reputation as a holy woman— though Antoinette was suspicious. The presence of this novice led to 35

Teresa of Avila, 33.

20

The Life of Antoinette Micolon

the development of factions within the house, with the majority of sisters—following the Vicar General—taking the side of the novice.36 Antoinette’s conflicts with this powerful churchman must be understood as part of an ongoing battle for autonomy by women’s religious houses during this period. The Council of Trent had declared that all female communities, except those already subject to male religious orders, were to be subject to the direct authority of the local bishop. When the Vicar General insisted that he had the authority to oversee the acceptance of novices and tried to usurp the mother superior’s role in the ceremonial bestowing of the veil on novices, he was posing a direct challenge to the traditional rights of nuns. Likewise, when Antoinette defied his orders by receiving new applicants without his approval and refusing his attempts to enter the cloister, she was defending the autonomy of her community, not just retaliating against his ill-treatment of her. Such struggles often found their way into the courts, as in 1623 when the Ursulines of Dijon appealed to the Parlement of Dijon—and won—when their bishop, Sébastien Zamet, tried to overturn their election of a mother superior and impose his own choice.37 But in Clermont, the Vicar General triumphed by sowing dissension within the convent. Antoinette was forced to leave and establish a new religious house in Tulle, and after her departure, he asserted his authority over the sisters by forcing them to accept a mother superior of his choice. Antoinette was not above manipulating or even lying to the church authorities to protect her community and further her mission. When she arrived in Clermont, she purposely neglected to mention to the bishop that she had no bull from the Pope recognizing their congregation for fear that he would stop the establishment. And when the Archbishop of Lyon visited Clermont and asked to see their rules and constitutions, Antoinette concealed the fact that they had none and claimed that she had lent them to a Jesuit father in a nearby town. Antoinette reprimanded another interfering confessor who asked to see their rules and constitution by telling him that these were “secret things” that she could not show him without the 36 In the interest of brevity, I have not included Antoinette’s detailed account of this episode in the abridged version of her life here. 37 Recit veritable de ce qui s’est fait et passé en la demission de la Superieure du Monastere de Saincte Vrsulle de la ville de Dijon, en l’année 1623 (Paris, 1624). On this case, see also Rapley, A Social History of the Cloister, 56-57.

Introduction

21

express command of the bishop. The confessor was thus put in his place and deterred from meddling in the affairs of the convent. His subservience to Mère Micolon made the other sisters joke that she “was making our confessor do his noviciate and that he would soon be capable of making his profession.” For Antoinette, a good confessor was one who was “neither too learned nor too ignorant” and who could be easily controlled and manipulated.38 Antoinette also engaged in battles with secular authorities. In Tulle, the provincial Governor tried to reclaim a young girl who had been entrusted to the Ursulines for her education, evidently with the assumption that she would eventually become a nun, in order to marry her off to one of his retainers. When the Governor and his men laid siege to the convent, Antoinette used subterfuge to retain the girl, hiding her and claiming she had left the convent, and engaging the support of the local populace by framing the event as an attack upon the nuns’ honor. Presenting herself as the underdog in this battle, Antoinette protested that she was only “a poor nun and a foreigner” with “no relations in the country.” The angry Governor demanded to know where she was from. When told that she was from the Auvergne, he said, “I don’t doubt it...since she is so stubborn!” In the end, he was forced to admit defeat. This episode shows us the power and autonomy that could be derived from monastic status. While the Governor of the province clearly had the law on his side, in practice he could not breach the convent walls. Antoinette associated enclosure with self-government, and her appeals to modesty and honor were in fact assertions of the right to be free from outside interference. The conflict also reveals the continuing importance of local and regional identities in this period. Antoinette’s identity remained firmly rooted in the Auvergne region where she was born, which is not surprising considering that the region had been part of France for less than a hundred years at the time she was writing. But perhaps in spite of herself, Antoinette contributed to the gradual undermining of such distinct identities by serving as a mediator between national and local cultures. The rise of schools serving the popular classes, including those founded by Ursulines, facilitated the spread of the French language to the 38 Here Antoinette was speaking of confessors appointed by the bishop, not spiritual advisors who were chosen by the mother superior.

22

The Life of Antoinette Micolon

non-French speaking areas of France. The women who founded and taught in these schools helped to facilitate the long and complex transition from a society in which identity was defined primarily in local terms, to a society in which people viewed themselves as connected and embedded in a common French culture.39 Women like Antoinette Micolon were essential to the transmission of Counter-Reformation beliefs and values to the people of Europe, and their activism led to an expansion of women’s roles in the Catholic Church. The religious life continued to provide a basis for women to exercise power and authority unavailable to them in other spheres. However, there were also very real limitations on that power. Antoinette and the other women who contributed to the religious reforms of the age had to negotiate the tension between, on the one hand, rebelling against the traditional expectations of religious women, and sometimes against male authority, and, on the other, showing proper obedience and humility. The strategies these women used to resolve this tension between ego and self-effacement—whether in their lives or in their writings—varied. Some drew on the traditional representation of the “femme forte,” or exceptional woman, depicting themselves and their companions as amazons and warrior women to justify female heroism. Others, like St. Teresa of Avila, embraced stereotypes of female ignorance, timidity, and physical weakness as part of what Alison Weber has called a “rhetoric of humility.”40 Antoinette Micolon herself scarcely referred to her gender at all and was inept at self-subversion. She seldom resorted to claims of feminine weakness, and refused to recognize the superior power of men, engaging with male authority figures as if she were their equal. From her story we get a sense of both the diversity and the commonalities among the devout women of her day who, in their lives and writings, expanded the boundaries of women’s religious life and reshaped the spiritual landscape of Catholic Europe. 39

David Bell argues for a connection between the evangelizing efforts of the Catholic Reformation and the rise of national consciousness in eighteenth-century France. “Recent Works on Early Modern French National Identity,” Journal of Modern History 68 (1996): 112. See also David Bell, The Cult of the Nation in France: Inventing Nationalism, 1680-1800 (Cambridge: Harvard University Press, 2001). On the importance of language to the absolutist state, see Marc Fumaroli, L’age de l’éloquence: Rhétorique et “res literaria” de la Renaissance au seuil de l’époque classique (Geneva: Droz, 1980), especially 5, 20-22, 29. 40 Alison Weber, Teresa of Avila and the Rhetoric of Femininity (Princeton, NJ: Princeton University Press, 1990), ch. 2.

Selected Bibliography Augustine, Confessions. Trans. R. S. Pine-Coffin. Great Britain: Penguin, 1961. Bell, David. “Recent Works on Early Modern French National Identity.” Journal of Modern History 68 (1996): 84-113. _____. The Cult of the Nation in France: Inventing Nationalism, 1680-1800. Cambridge: Harvard University Press, 2001. Bilinkoff, Jodi. The Avila of St. Teresa: Religious Reform in a Sixteenth-Century City. Ithaca: Cornell University Press, 1989. _____. “Navigating the Waves (of Devotion): Toward a Gendered Analysis of Early Modern Catholicism.” In Crossing Boundaries: Attending to Early Modern Women, edited by Jane Donawerth and Adele Seeff, 161-172. Newark: University of Delaware Press, 2000. Bourguignon, C. La vie du Père Romillon, prestre de l’Oratoire de Jésus et fondateur de la congrégation des Ursulines en France. Marseille, 1649. Bowman, Frank. “Le statut littéraire de l’autobiographie spirituelle.” In Le Statut de la littéraire: Mélanges offertes à Paul Bénichou, edited by Marc Fumaroli, 313-334. Geneva: Librairie Droz, 1982. Brémond, Henri. Histoire littéraire du sentiment religieux en France, 11 vols. Paris: Bloud et Gay, 1920-1933. Bynum, Caroline Walker. “Women’s Stories, Women’s Symbols: A Critique of Victor Turner’s Theory of Liminality.” In Fragmentation and Redemption: Essays on Gender and the Human Body in Medieval Religion, 27-51. New York: Zone Books, 1991. Christiani, L. La Merveilleuse histoire des premières Ursulines françaises. Paris, nd. Delumeau, Jean. Catholicism Between Luther and Voltaire. London: Burns and Oates, 1977. Diefendorf, Barbara. “Contradictions of the Century of Saints: Aristocratic Patronage and the Convents of Counter-Reformation Paris.” French Historical Studies 24 (2001): 471-500. _____. From Penitence to Charity: Pious Women and the Catholic Reformation in Paris. Oxford: Oxford University Press, 2004.

23

24

The Life of Antoinette Micolon

Fumaroli, Marc. L’age de l’éloquence: Rhétorique et “res literaria” de la Renaissance au seuil de l’époque classique. Geneva: Droz, 1980. Gueudré, Marie de Chantal. Histoire de l’ordre des Ursulines en France. 3 vols. Paris: Editions St-Paul, 1957. Ibsen, Kristine. Women’s Spiritual Autobiography in Colonial Spanish America. Gainesville: University Press of Florida, 1999. Jaloustre, Elie. Les Anciennes écoles de l’Auvergne. Mémoires de l’académie des sciences, belles-lettres et arts de Clermont-Ferrand 23 (1881). Liebowitz, Ruth. “Virgins in the Service of Christ: The Dispute Over an Active Apostolate for Women during the Counter-Reformation.” In Women of Spirit: Female Leadership in the Jewish and Christian Traditions, edited by Rosemary Ruether and Eleanor McLaughlin, 131-152. New York: Simon and Schuster, 1979. Lierheimer, Linda. “Female Eloquence and Maternal Ministry: The Apostolate of Ursuline Nuns in Seventeenth-Century France.” Ph.D. dissertation. Princeton University, 1994. _____. “Preaching or Teaching? Defining the Ursuline Mission in Seventeenth-Century France.” In Women Preachers and Prophets through Two Millennia of Christianity, edited by Beverly Kienzle and Pamela Walker, 212-226. Berkeley: University of California Press, 1998. _____. “Rewriting Religious History: The Feminism of Seventeenth-Century Ursulines.” Critical Matrix 2 (1986): 32-59. Manry, André Georges. Histoire de l’Auvergne. Toulouse: Privat, 1974. Marshall, Sherrin, ed. Women in Reformation and Counter-Reformation Europe. Indianapolis and Bloomington: University of Indiana Press, 1989. McNamara, Jo Ann. Sisters in Arms: Catholic Nuns Through Two Millenia. Cambridge: Harvard University Press, 1996. [Micolon, Antoinette.] Regles et constitutions des vierges religieuses du collège et monastaire de saincte Ursule de Tulle sous la règle de St. Augustin. 1623. Olin, John, ed. The Autobiography of St. Ignatius Loyola. New York: Fordham University Press, 1992.

Bibliography

25

Petroff, Elizabeth. Consolation of the Blessed: Women Saints in Medieval Tuscany. New York: Alta Gaia Society, 1979. Poutrin, Isabelle. La Voile et la plume: Autobiographie et sainteté féminine dans l’Espagne moderne. Madrid: Casa de Velásquez, 1995. Pommereu, Marie-Augustine de. Les Chroniques de l’ordre des Ursulines recueillies pour l’usage des Religieuses du mesme Ordre, 2 vols. Paris, 1673. Pourrat, Henri, ed. Mémoires de la Mère Micolon. Clermont-Ferrand, 1981. Rapley, Elizabeth. The Dévotes: Women and Church in Seventeenth-Century France. Montreal: McGill-Queen’s University Press, 1990. _____. A Social History of the Cloister: Daily Life in the Teaching Monasteries of the Old Regime. Montreal and Kingston: McGill-Queen’s University Press, 2001. Recit veritable de ce qui s’est fait et passé en la demission de la Superieure du Monastere de Saincte Vrsulle de la ville de Dijon, en l’année 1623. Paris, 1624. Schroeder, H.J. Canons and Decrees of the Council of Trent. St. Louis: B. Herder, 1941. Scribner, Robert W. Popular Culture and Popular Movements in Reformation Germany. London: Hambledon and London, 2003. Scribner, Robert W. and Trevor Johnson, eds. Popular Religion in Germany and Central Europe. New York: St. Martin’s, 1996. Sperling, Jutta Gisela. Convents and the Body Politic in Late Renaissance Venice. Chicago: University of Chicago Press, 1999. Teresa of Avila. The Life of Saint Teresa of Avila by Herself. Trans. J. M. Cohen. London: Penguin, 1957. Welter, L. La Réforme ecclésiastique du diocèse de Clermont au XVIIe siècle. Clermont-Ferrand, 1956. Weber, Alison. Teresa of Avila and the Rhetoric of Femininity. Princeton: Princeton University Press, 1990. Zarri, Gabriella. “Living Saints: A Typology of Female Sanctity in the Early Sixteenth Century.” In Women and Religion in Medieval and Renaissance Italy, edited by Daniel Bornstein and Roberto Rusconi, 219-303. Chicago: University of Chicago Press, 1996.




The Life of Antoinette Micolon

From the only known image of Antoinette Micolon. Credit: CRDP d’Auvergne, France, Karine Joannet

I

C

ette fille de bénédiction naquit le seize mars en 1592 en un petit chateau, maison de sa mère, nommé Aux Escures, paroisse du Monestier, à deux lieues d’Ambert en Auvergne. Son père était originaire de ladite ville d’Ambert, capitale du Livradois. Il se nommait Jean Micolon, vivant commodément dans une condition bourgeoise et sa mère avait nom Françoise Grandon. Cette chère enfant étant née demeura un jour entier sans mouvement et sans apparence de vie, de sorte qu’on allait l’enterrer si sa mère ne s’y fût opposée, ne pouvant se persuader qu’elle fût morte. Enfin l’enfant commençant à se remuer, on l’ondoya promptement, et fut baptisée dans l’église paroissiale du Monestier. Elle n’était encore que dans son bas âge lorsqu’elle perdit sa mère, et peu après son père se remaria. Sa seconde femme fut une veuve, vraie marâtre de cette pauvre enfant qui avait l’esprit agréable et de très bonnes inclinations que personne ne prit la peine de cultiver, car on la laissa à la campagne parmi les villageois jusqu’à l’âge d’environ 12 ans qu’elle vint à Ambert, vivant tout ce temps-là dans une si profonde ignorance qu’elle ne savait ce que c’était de Dieu ni de salut, ni qu’elle eût une âme, ni ayant personne qui lui eût donné aucune instruction. Ni dans la ville d’Ambert, il n’y avait aucune école pour instruire la jeunesse. Elle n’avait pas lors grand penchant pour les vanités et parures sinon qu’elle portait de faux cheveux, mais c’était par nécessité, et n’avait jamais usé de fard. Son attrait pour le jeu de cartes était grand. Elle eût quitté tout autres choses pour jouer, c’était pour l’ordinaire avec des filles et rarement avec des garçons, et donnait aux pauvres la moitié de ce qu’elle gagnait, étant fort aumônière. Et quand quelques pauvres venait à elle, si elle n’avait des liards, elle leur donnait des sous ou pièces de six blancs, ce qu’elle se trouvait avoir. Elle aimait à leur donner secrètement, leur distribuer du pain, de la viande et autres choses, selon qu’elle pouvait. Les mauvais traitements que lui faisait sa marâtre étaient fort grands, surtout en paroles dures, en nécessité d’habit et linge et autres choses semblables, mais rarement en coups. Devant tous, elle lui disait mille injures, ce que la pauvre enfant écoutait paisiblement 28

Part One

T

his blessed girl was born on March 16, 1592, in a small chateau named Aux Escures, the house of her mother, in the parish of Monestier, two leagues from Ambert in the Auvergne. Her father was originally from the town of Ambert, the capital of Livradois. His name was Jean Micolon, living comfortably according to his bourgeois state, and her mother’s name was Françoise Grandon. After she was born, the dear child remained a whole day without moving and without appearing to be alive, so that they would have buried her had her mother not objected, being unable to persuade herself that she was dead. Finally, the child began to stir. She was immediately given a private baptism and later baptized in the parish church of Monestier. She was only an infant when she lost her mother, and not long after this her father remarried. His second wife was a widow, a veritable stepmother to this poor child who had a pleasant temper and had very good tendencies that no one took the trouble to cultivate, because she was left in the country among the villagers until she was about 12 years old, when she came to Ambert, living all that time in such profound ignorance that she knew nothing about God or salvation, or that she had a soul, or having anyone to give her any instruction. Nor in the town of Ambert was there a single school to instruct young people. She did not then have much taste for vanities and finery except that she wore a wig, but this was out of necessity, and she never used rouge. She had a great love for card games. She would have abandoned everything else to play. This was usually with girls and rarely with boys, and she gave half of her winnings to the poor, being very charitable. And when poor people came to her, if she had no liards, she gave them some sous or coins of six blancs, whichever she happened to have. She loved to give to them secretly, distributing bread, meat and other things to them, as she was able. Her stepmother treated her very badly, especially by speaking to her harshly, depriving her of necessary clothing and linens and other similar things, though she rarely hit her. In front of everyone, she berated her a thousand times, which the poor child endured peace29

30

The Life of Antoinette Micolon

et sans trouble dans le cœur. Ceci lui arrivait pour le moins deux ou trois fois la semaine, au grand mécontentement de tous ses parents qui l’insistaient fort de le dire à son père qui n’en savait rien, étant d’ordinaire à la campagne, afin qu’il le lui défendît de la maltraiter. Mais jamais la fille ne le voulut faire, leur disant: “Il faut excuser cette pauvre femme, elle n’y pense pas en mal.” Et elle priait à mains jointes une de ses cousines, ainsi que les servantes et autres, de n’en rien dire à son père. Elle avait le naturel si simple et sans malice que tout ceux de la maison de son père disait: “C’est la pauvre simple et innocente sans jugement, que ses sœurs vendraient, et elle serait du vinage.” Et cela faisait qu’elle n’était pas tant recherchée, dont son père s’en fachait à cause qu’elle était son aînée. Il lui faisait la guerre, lui disait qu’il la mettrait religieuse, ce qu’elle ne voulait pas alors, et ceux du logis voyant son aversion pour être religieuse l’appelaient ordinairement monge, qui voulait dire religieuse. Elle eut la tête, le cou, presque tout le corps couvert de gale si fort épaisse et mauvaise que quelques remèdes qu’on lui fît, elle n’en put guérir. Ce qui faisait qu’elle n’était pas si souvent appelée dans les bonnes compagnies. Car elle était si enfant que si la démangeaison l’eût prise en quelque lieu et devant qui que ce fût, quand cela aurait été au milieu d’un bal, comme cela lui arriva deux fois, elle quittait tout pour se gratter, jusqu’à ce que le sang en sortait en la présence de toute la compagnie. Ce qui la faisait mépriser des jeunes gens. Et cela était par une particulière providence de Dieu sur elle pour ne la pas attacher au monde, comme elle eût sans doute fait sans cela. Elle demeura dans ce naturel et dans cette enfance jusqu’à l’âge de quinze ans. Ce fut à l’âge de 15 ans qu’on parla de la marier. Il se présenta un parti que son père et tous ses parents agréaient fort; de part et d’autre, on était d’accord. Et pour lui être plus agréable, elle se para un jour avec de faux cheveux, parce que la gale lui gâtait les siens, et se lava le visage avec du vinaigre et eau, dont elle eut après beaucoup de regret d’avoir usé de cet artifice. Lors donc que de part et d’autre on croyait le mariage conclu, et elle plus que tous, sans savoir nullement pourquoi elle se voulait marier, sinon pour faire la volonté de ses parents, voici

Part One

31

fully and without taking it to heart. This happened at least two or three times a week, to the great consternation of all her relations who urged her to tell her father who knew nothing about this, since he was usually in the fields, so that he would forbid this mistreatment. But the girl never wished to do this, telling them: “We must excuse this poor woman, she does not mean anything bad by it.” And she begged one of her cousins, as well as the servants and others, to say nothing about it to her father. She had such a simple and kindly nature that everyone in her father’s house said: “This poor soul is so simple and innocent and without good sense that her sisters could sell her and she would thank them.” And as a result she was not much sought after, which made her father angry because she was his eldest daughter. He berated her, telling her that he would make her a nun, which she did not wish at the time, and everyone in the household, seeing her aversion to becoming a nun, started to call her monge, which meant nun.1 Her head, neck, almost all her body was covered with scabs so extremely thick and foul that whatever remedy was tried, she could not be cured of it. This meant that she was not often invited into good company. Because she was so childlike that wherever the itching came upon her and in front of whomever was there, even if it was in the middle of a dance, as happened to her twice, she would stop what she was doing to scratch herself until she bled in the presence of the whole party. This made her despised by the other young people. And God gave her this blessing so that she would not become attached to this world, as she would no doubt have done otherwise. She remained in this simplicity and state of childhood until the age of 15. When she was 15 there was talk of marrying her off. A match was proposed of which her father and all her relatives approved; on both sides, everyone agreed. And to be more pleasing to him, she donned a wig one day, because the scabs had damaged her own hair, and washed her face with vinegar and water, though she later regretted having used this artifice. When everyone finally seemed to have agreed upon the marriage, and she more than anyone, without knowing why she wished to marry, except to do what her family wished, 1 “Monge” and “menoresse” were the words for “monk” and “nun” in the auvergnat dialect.

32

The Life of Antoinette Micolon

que par une particulière providence, Dieu permit que ce jeune homme en épousa une autre sans que personne en sut presque rien. Et comme ce n’était pas dans la ville, Antoinette ne ressentit aucun déplaisir de se voir frustrée et supplantée, demeurant dans sa tranquille simplicité sans penser à rien. Au bout d’un an, il se présente un autre parti fort sortable pour elle. Un jour, étant venu la voir, il y fut accompagné de ses proches et le père de la fille fit assembler de son côté les oncles paternels et maternels ou autres proches parents pour traiter le mariage selon les coutumes. Et pendant que les parents de part et d’autre discouraient ensemble sur les articles de mariage, celui qui la recherchait, avec d’autres jeunes hommes, ses sœurs et elle montèrent à une chambre et se mirent à jouer aux cartes. Elle était assise auprès de son prétendu qui au milieu du jeu disait quelquefois: “A diable.” Antoinette eut une telle horreur de ce mot et de ce jeune homme qui avait proféré le mot du diable qu’elle se lève, quitte le jeu et la compagnie, qui la regardait ne sachant ce qu’elle voulait faire. Elle descend en bas où était son père et ses proches qui concluaient les articles. Elle tire à part un de ses oncles maternels nommé Monsieur de Cartejou et lui dit: “Mon oncle, je vous prie de dire à mon père qu’il n’achève pas d’accorder ce mariage.” “Et pourquoi,” lui dit-il? “Parce que,” répondit-elle, “que je ne veux pas cet homme qui a juré le diable, je ne l’épouserai jamais, quoique l’on fasse et que l’on dise.” Son oncle se mit à rire et lui dit: “Ma nièce, vous êtes un enfant, taisez-vous et retournez à la chambre l’entretenir et la compagnie.” Il la renvoya toute confuse et lui dit encore: “Si votre père s’aperçoit de vos fadaises, il vous battra.” Alors, elle s’en retourna ainsi assez mal contente vers la compagnie qui l’attendait avec impatience. On finit durant ce temps de conclure et arrêter le mariage, les articles étant passés. Et les fiançailles se seraient faites ce même jour si n’eût été que ses parents du côté maternel désirèrent qu’elles se fissent le dimanche d’après aux Escures, qui était à deux lieues de la ville, d’où était sortie feu sa mère qu’ils affectionnaient par leur souvenir. C’était aussi la maison maternelle d’Antoinette, et où elle était née. La conclusion fut faite ainsi, au grand contentement de tous et en particulier de celui qui la recherchait qui se retira avec ses proches avec promesse de part et d’autre que le dimanche suivant, qui était deux jours après, on se rendrait au dit château des Escures pour faire la solennité des

Part One

33

behold that through a special blessing, God allowed this young man to marry another without anyone knowing anything about it. And since this was not in the town, Antoinette was not grieved to see herself frustrated and supplanted, remaining in her peaceful simplicity without thinking anything of it. After a year, another very suitable match was presented. One day, he came to see her accompanied by his kinsmen, and the father of the girl assembled her paternal and maternal uncles and other close relatives to discuss the marriage according to custom. And while the relatives on both sides discussed the details of the marriage, her suitor, with some other young men, her sisters and she went up to a room and began to play cards. She was seated near her suitor who said a few times during the game: “To the devil.” Antoinette had such a horror of this word and of this young man who had said the word “devil” that she arose and left the game and the company, who watched her not knowing what she meant to do. She went downstairs where her father and her relatives were concluding the details. She pulled aside one of her maternal uncles named Monsieur de Cartejou and said to him, “Uncle, I beg you to tell my father that he will not be able to reach an agreement about this marriage.” “And why?” he asked her. “Because,” she replied, “I don’t want this man who has sworn by the devil, I will never marry him, no matter what they do or say.” Her uncle began to laugh and told her: “My niece, you are a child, be quiet and return to the room to converse with him and the company.” He sent her back completely confused and added, “If your father finds out about your nonsense, he will beat you.” So she returned, not very happy, to the company that was waiting for her impatiently. The marriage arrangements were concluded, the details having been decided upon. And the betrothal ceremony would have been held that same day if her maternal relatives had not wished that it take place the next Sunday at Les Escures, which was two leagues from the town, the home of her late mother whom they loved in memory. This was also Antoinette’s maternal house and where she was born. This was agreed upon, to the great happiness of all, and in particular of her suitor who left with his relatives with promises on all sides that the following Sunday, which was two days later, they would meet at the said chateau of Les Escures to perform the rite of

34

The Life of Antoinette Micolon

fiançailles. Il n’y avait qu’elle de mal contente, ne voulant pas cet homme non pour autre chose que parce qu’il jurait le diable. Elle avait horreur de ce mot qu’elle croyait être un jurement. Son prétendu lui paraissait d’ailleurs très honnête et autres qualités avantageuses, mais cela n’empêchait pas qu’elle ne sentît une extrême répugnance, ce qui la rendait fort triste, sans oser le faire connaître à son père, à cause qu’il était homme terrible et se faisait beaucoup craindre à ses enfants. Antoinette avait toujours quelque espérance qu’il naîtrait quelque empêchement au dit mariage. Et c’était ce qui la consolait un peu. Mais quoique Antoinette eût fait prier son père par une de ses tantes de ne la point contraindre à fiancer ni à épouser cet homme, il n’y voulut rien entendre. Mais Dieu y pourvut. Le vendredi, samedi, et le dimanche matin, il faisait un très beau temps. Tous étaient prêts à partir. Il n’y avait qu’elle de rétive, qui fit derechef ce même matin encore prier son père de ne la point forcer contre sa volonté d’épouser cet homme; ce fut encore en vain. Son père fit préparer les équipages pour se mettre en chemin, et voici une abondante pluie et furieuse tempête qu’il semblait que tout s’en allait par eau et par vent. Il ne leur fut pas possible de pouvoir partir. Le père fut obligé d’accorder au mauvais temps ce qu’il avait refusé à la prière de sa fille, et la Providence permit encore qu’il n’eut pas même l’idée d’envoyer quelques heures après un domestique au château pour faire savoir la cause de leur retardement et pour en faire des excuses à la parenté. Il croyait sans doute que le mauvais temps le leur apprenait. Mais comme la tempête fut moins furieuse autre part que dans la ville, le futur époux avec sa famille n’avait point manqué de se rendre ce même jour aux Escures où ils furent très bien reçus de l’oncle. Ils étaient en attente et le furent en vain toute la journée, et non sans soucis et sans inquiétude. Quant au jeune homme, son accordé, il en fut vivement piqué et prit cela pour un affront et un mépris, ne voyant pas même venir un message de la part du père ni de la fille pour lui apprendre et à sa parenté la cause de ce délai. Ce qui le mit en colère, se dépita si fort qu’il partit le lendemain de grand matin avec ses proches. Et le jour suivant il fiança une autre fille et l’épousa quelque temps après pour rendre l’affront, disait-il, à celui qui le lui avait fait. Et voici Antoinette, par la grâce de Dieu et un miracle évident, exempte de ce mariage qu’elle ne voulait pas, et elle en remerciait le

Part One

35

betrothal. She was the only one who was not happy, not wanting this man for the sole reason that he swore by the devil. She had a horror of this word which she believed to be an oath. Her suitor otherwise appeared to her very respectable and to have other favorable qualities, but that did not keep her from feeling an extreme aversion to him, which made her very sad, though she did not dare let her father know, because he was a terrible man and his children were very frightened of him. Antoinette continued to hope that some impediment would arise to the marriage. And this consoled her a bit. But although Antoinette had made one of her aunts beg her father not to force her to become engaged nor to marry this man, he did not wish to hear anything about it. But God provided. Friday, Saturday, and Sunday morning, the weather was very fine. Everyone was ready to leave. Only she remained stubborn and that same morning went again to ask her father not to force her to marry this man against her will, but this was again in vain. Her father had prepared the carriages to depart when there came a heavy rain and a raging storm so that it seemed that everything would be washed or blown away by the water and wind. It was not possible for them to leave. Her father was obliged to concede to the bad weather what he had refused his daughter, and in addition Providence allowed that he did not think to send a servant to the chateau a few hours later to explain the reasons for the delay and make excuses to the family. No doubt he believed that they would assume it was because of the bad weather. But as the storm was less severe outside the town, the future husband and his family had not failed to appear that same day at Les Escures where they were very well received by her uncle. They waited in vain the whole day, worried and anxious. As for the young man, her intended, he was very annoyed by this and took it as an insult and a show of contempt, not having received even a message from the father or daughter to inform him and his family of the reason for the delay. This made him angry and vexed him so much that he left the next morning with his relations. And the next day he became engaged to another girl and married her some time later to insult, he said, the one who had insulted him. Behold Antoinette, by the grace of God and a clear miracle, released from this marriage that she did not want, and she thanked the

36

The Life of Antoinette Micolon

Seigneur. Depuis cet événement, le monde prit congé d’elle et il ne se présenta plus d’autre parti, à son grand contentement, étant très satisfaite que le monde l’eût quittée avant qu’elle eût assez d’esprit pour le quitter la première. Le vendredi suivant, sa marâtre et une de ses tantes nommée Phelpe de Lafont, étant toutes les deux dans une salle où elles discouraient ensemble et se consolaient l’une l’autre de leurs afflictions et affaires au tracas du monde, elles dirent entre autres choses que les religieuses sont heureuses d’être exemptes de ces sortes de choses et du soin de ses maris qui pour l’ordinaire sont si fâcheux. La jeune fille entendait leurs propos occupée à un ouvrage de couture. Elle ne savait quelle espèce de personne c’était que religieuse, n’en ayant jamais vue, ni on ne lui avait jamais fait comprendre ce que c’était que d’être religieuse. Car lorsqu’on lui faisait la guerre et qu’on la contrariait, on ne lui disait la vouloir faire être que monge ou menoresse; mais lorsque sa tante dit que les religieuses étaient bien heureuses, cela lui pénétra le cœur et la toucha sensiblement, Dieu se servant de cette occasion pour lui faire comprendre ce qu’elle n’entendait pas. Elle se lève et sans dire mot à sa belle-mère ni à sa tante, descend les escaliers avec une telle promptitude qu’il semblait que le vent l’emportait et avec la même vitesse s’en fut à l’église, où étant arrivée, elle se mit à genoux devant l’autel de Notre Dame de Pitié. Et sans savoir ce qu’elle faisait, elle proféra ces paroles à haute voix: “Bon Jésus-Christ et vous Sainte Vierge Notre-Dame, je vous voue et vous promets ma virginité et de la garder toute ma vie avec votre aide et assistance, et de ne jamais me marier, quoiqu’on me fasse, et vous promets de souffrir plutôt la mort que de manquer à ma promesse.” Elle disait ces paroles avec les larmes aux yeux et un tel ressentiment au cœur qu’il lui semblait que son cœur se fendait. Elle était comme une personne hors d’elle. Ayant demeuré là l’espace d’un quart d’heure elle revint à soi. Elle était étonnée de se voir dans cette église mais ne laissait pas que de se ressouvenir des paroles qu’elle avait proférées et en ressentait une grande consolation et une joie au fond du cœur. Elle n’était en peine que de savoir ce que c’était que virginité et comme il fallait la garder. Alors l’Esprit Saint lui dit dans l’intérieur que les vierges n’avaient point d’enfant et ne se mariaient point et que pour garder sa virginité il fallait, disait cette voix intérieure, se mettre du nombre de celles que sa tante disait être bien heureuses qui

Part One

37

Lord for this. After this event, the world took leave of her and no more suitors were presented, to her great happiness and satisfaction that the world had left her before she had enough understanding to leave it first. The following Friday, her stepmother and one of her aunts named Phelpe de Lafont were in a room conversing and consoling each other about their troubles and the annoyance of worldly affairs. Among other things, they said that nuns were lucky to be free from these sorts of things and from caring for husbands who were usually so troublesome. The girl heard their words while she was sewing. She did not know what sort of person a nun was, never having seen one, nor had anyone ever explained to her what a nun was.2 Because when people berated and contradicted her they said they wished they could make her a monk or nun, but when her aunt said that nuns were truly fortunate, this touched her heart, and God made use of this occasion to make her comprehend what she did not understand. She arose and without saying a word to her stepmother or aunt, descended the steps so quickly that it seemed that the wind carried her, and just as swiftly went to the church, where having arrived, she fell to her knees in front of the altar of Notre-Dame de Pitié. And without knowing what she was doing, she spoke these words out loud: “Good Jesus-Christ and you Our Lady the Holy Virgin, I vow to you and promise you my virginity and to keep it all my life with your help and assistance, and never to marry, whatever is done to me, and promise to suffer death rather than break my promise.” She said these words with tears in her eyes and such a feeling in her heart that it seemed that her heart would break. She was like a person outside of herself. Having remained there for a quarter of an hour, she returned to herself. She was surprised to find herself in the church but remembered the words she had spoken and from this felt a great consolation and joy deep in her heart. The only difficulty she had was not knowing what virginity was and what she must do to keep it. Then the Holy Spirit spoke within her saying that virgins had no children and did not marry, and that to keep her virginity it was necessary, the voice within her said, to place herself among those whom her aunt said to be so fortunate who are called 2 At the time, there was no female convent in Ambert. The Minims, the first male religious house in Ambert, were only established in 1606.

38

The Life of Antoinette Micolon

s’appellent religieuses, et qu’il fallait dire à son père et à ses parents qu’elle ne voulait pas se marier mais être religieuse. Cette voix et invitation intérieure la consola fort et lui donna quelque sentiment de Dieu, de Notre-Dame et des Saints, car jusqu’alors elle n’avait eu aucune instruction particulière sur le culte des saintes images ni de Notre-Dame, sinon les images qu’elle voyait dans l’église. Elle s’en retourna chez elle bien consolée. Et le même jour de vendredi, elle dit à une de ses sœurs de dire à sa marâtre qu’elle la suppliait de dire à son père qu’elle ne se voulait pas se marier, mais qu’elle voulait être religieuse. Sa sœur s’acquitta de la commission. On ne saurait exprimer la risée que l’on fit de ce qu’elle disait ne vouloir point se marier et vouloir se faire religieuse. Les uns disaient qu’ils n’en croyaient rien; que comme c’était une simple, elle achevait de devenir folle, et qu’il ne lui restait qu’à courir par les rues. Les autres disaient qu’elle était pire qu’une certaine femme qu’il y avait en la ville qui courait les rues étant folle. Qu’elle va faire déshonneur à notre race qui n’a jamais produit de telle folle. Et d’autres poursuivaient, disant que c’était par un dépit de ce que celui qui l’avait recherchée en mariage ci-devant en avait épousé une autre comme il a été dit. Cette pauvre fille entendait tout cela et mille autre moqueries et dérisions qu’on lui faisait. Elle l’endurait tout doucement et patiemment sans en ressentir aucune aigreur contre lesdites personnes ni leur faire aucune répartie pour se défendre, mais s’efforçait de leur persuader qu’en vérité elle voulait être religieuse et garder sa virginité. Ce qu’entendant de sa bouche, les affronts et nouvelles moqueries recommençaient. Elle était fort en peine et en angoisse, ne sachant comment s’y prendre pour leur persuader qu’elle avait sincèrement la volonté d’être religieuse. A quelque temps de là étant un jour à l’église, il lui vint en pensée que le bon moyen de le leur persuader serait de couper ses cheveux et de quitter les faux cheveux qu’elle portait, comme aussi de quitter les dentelles, rubans de soie et couleur voyante en ses cotillons et s’habiller modestement, renoncer au bal et au jeu. Cette pensée et inspiration ne fut pas sitôt éclose qu’elle fut mise en exécution, car elle se leva subitement, sort de l’église et s’en vint au logis, où étant arrivée, elle-même prit ses ciseaux et se coupe tous les cheveux, quittant les faux et jetant au feu les uns et les autres. Mais hélas, ce fut le bon moyen pour essuyer de nouveaux affronts. Car ayant coupé et brûlé ses cheveux dans la même chambre sans penser

Part One

39

nuns, and that she must tell her father and her family that she did not wish to marry but to be a nun. This inner voice and invitation greatly consoled her and gave her some understanding of God, of Our Lady and of the saints, because until then she had not had any specific instruction regarding the cult of holy images nor of Our Lady, except for the images that she saw in church. She returned home greatly consoled. And that same Friday, she asked one of her sisters to tell her stepmother that she begged her to tell her father that she did not wish to marry, but that she wished to be a nun. Her sister carried out this request. It is impossible to describe the laughter that greeted her declaration that she did not wish to marry and wanted to become a nun. Some said that they did not believe it at all, that as she was a simpleton, she had finally gone crazy, and that all that remained was for her to run wild through the streets. The others said that she was worse than a certain crazy woman in the town who ran about the streets. She was going to dishonor her lineage which had never produced such madness. And others added that she did this out of spite because the person who earlier had sought her in marriage had married another as mentioned before. The poor girl heard all this and a thousand other jeers and insults. She endured it sweetly and patiently without feeling any bitterness towards these people nor giving any reply to defend herself, but tried to persuade them that she truly wished to become a nun and to keep her virginity. After hearing this from her own lips, the teasing and jeers began again. She was in great pain and anguish, not knowing how to persuade them that she sincerely wished to be a nun. A short time later when she was in church one day, she had the idea that a good way to persuade them would be to cut her hair and give up the wig that she wore, and also to give up the lace, silk ribbons, and bright colors in her petticoats and to dress modestly, to renounce dances and playing cards. No sooner did she have this thought than she accomplished it, because she suddenly got up, left the church and went to her house, whereupon she took her scissors and cut off all her hair, took off her wig, and threw both into the fire. But alas, this only led to more insults. Because having cut and burnt her hair in the same room without thinking of any-

40

The Life of Antoinette Micolon

à autre chose qu’à obéir à l’inspiration, elle n’eut rien pour mettre à la tête, n’ayant pas eu l’avisement de prendre une coiffure de nuit et n’osait se montrer tête nue. Elle se résout enfin de le faire pour l’amour de Dieu, et ayant un pan de sa robe sur sa tête qui la couvrait à demi, elle sort de la chambre et entre dans la cuisine où tous étaient et dit à sa marâtre, à ses sœurs et aux autres: “A cette heure, vous autres croirez que je veux être religieuse, ayant coupé mes cheveux. Donnez-moi, au nom de Dieu, demie aune de taffetas noir pour faire une coiffe.” Aussitôt qu’on la vit accommodée de cette façon on se mit à crier et à croire que assurément elle était devenue folle, et que cela en était un trait et un effet. Et en se moquant d’elle, on lui présentait un chapeau de valet qu’il y avait là pour mettre à sa tête, puisqu’elle avait coupé ses cheveux et ressemblait, disait-on, à un garçon. Cette pauvre fille voyant qu’elle ne pouvait obtenir le taffetas qu’elle demandait, qu’on ne lui donnait que des risées, elle se renferma dans la chambre et envoya une fille chez un marchand acheter cette demie aune de taffetas et fit une coiffe pendant qu’on se badinait d’elle. Et après l’avoir faite, elle s’accommoda et coiffa modestement, quitta ses rabats et ses manchettes de dentelles. Elle ressortit avec une façon et maintien fort grave et modeste. Et quelquefois qu’elle se rappelait cette sortie il lui semblait que jamais elle n’avait eu si bonne grâce. Dieu le permit ainsi pour désabuser ceux qui la croyaient déjà folle, car la voyant ainsi modeste et qu’elle ne se mettait pas en devoir de courir les rues comme ils s’y attendaient, s’apaisèrent un peu. Dieu leur toucha le cœur et leur fit quelque peu croire que ce n’était pas folie, qu’elle voulut être religieuse, ce qui fit que sa marâtre en parla à son père aussitôt qu’il fut arrivé des champs, lequel s’irrita fort d’apprendre cette nouvelle, parce que c’était sa fille aînée et qu’il n’avait point d’enfant mâle. Il dit à sa fille en la menaçant furieusement que si elle continuait en cette volonté d’être religieuse, et qu’elle lui en parla davantage, il l’attacherait à un pilier avec une chaîne de fer et la nourrirait avec du foin et de l’avoine comme on fait aux chevaux. Trois mois après qu’elle eut la volonté d’être religieuse et qu’elle eutfait son vœu de virginité, Notre Seigneur lui donna le don d’oraison mentale ou contemplation en un haut degré, sans qu’elle sût ce que c’était, n’en ayant jamais ouï parler ni rien appris. Bien loin d’en ressentir de la consolation, cela lui servait de trouble, car lorsqu’elle était à l’église aussitôt qu’elle était à genoux et fait le signe de la croix et commencé

Part One

41

thing but obeying her inspiration, she had nothing to put on her head, not having had the forethought to bring a night-cap and not daring to show her bare head. She finally resolved to do it for the love of God, and with a piece of her dress over her head which partially covered it, she left the room and entered the kitchen where everyone was and said to her stepmother, her sisters and the others: “Now you must believe that I wish to become a nun, since I have cut my hair. Give me, in the name of God, an ell of black taffeta to make a cap.” As soon as they saw her dressed in this fashion they began to shout and to believe that she had certainly gone crazy, and that this was a symptom and a result of it. And as they mocked her, they presented her with a servant’s cap to put on her head, since she had cut off her hair and looked, they said, like a boy. The poor girl, seeing that they were not going to give her the taffeta that she asked for, that all they would offer was laughter, locked herself in the room and sent a girl to the store to buy half an ell of taffeta and made a cap while they made fun of her. And after making it, she dressed and covered her hair modestly and removed her ribbons and lace. She emerged with a serious and modest appearance and bearing. And sometimes when she recalled this exit it seemed to her that she had never behaved so gracefully. God allowed this to disabuse those who believed that she was crazy, because when they saw her so modest and that she did not run about the streets as they expected, they were somewhat appeased. God touched their hearts and they began to believe that she was not crazy, that she did wish to become a nun, which led her stepmother to speak to her father about it as soon as he returned from the fields, who was very irritated by this news because she was his eldest daughter and he had no male child. He told his daughter as he threatened her furiously that if she continued in her desire to become a nun, and if she spoke about it to him again, he would chain her to a post and feed her with hay and oats like a horse. Three months after she received the desire to become a nun and had made her vow of virginity, Our Lord gave her the gift of mental prayer or contemplation in a high degree, without her knowing what this was, never having heard of or learned anything about it. Instead of being consoled by this, it troubled her, because when she was in church, as soon as she was on her knees she made the sign of the cross

42

The Life of Antoinette Micolon

son pater noster, ne savait peu de prières, savait un peu lire le latin, son esprit se ravissait en Dieu en quelque façon, tout occupé des choses célestes et fort hautes et ressentait des consolations indicibles. Quand elle revenait à soi, après avoir demeuré un long espace de temps dans cette oraison ou ravissement, elle était grandement affligée de ce qu’elle n’avait pu dire son pater et ses heures, et à même temps elle s’allait confesser à un prêtre qui lui paraissait des plus capables et qui toutefois était si ignorant sur ces choses que lorsqu’elle s’accusait qu’étant à l’église elle n’y faisait que penser et ne pouvait y prier ni lire dans ses heures, et qu’elle ne pouvait dire son pater noster tout entier, lui demandant avis pour remédier à cela, ce bon prêtre lui disait qu’il fallait faire le signe de la croix, dire sa créance et prier Dieu et penser qu’il était dans l’église. Elle lui repartait: “C’est bien Dieu que je prie et à Lui que je pense et non à autre chose, mais c’est dans le cœur et je ne puis remuer les lèvres.” “Il le faut cependant,” disait le confesseur, “car autrement ce n’est pas prier Dieu.” Entendant cela de son confesseur, elle en ressentait une grande peine. Car elle avait commencé à connaître Dieu et ne l’aurait pas voulu offenser, mais bien le prier comme elle faisait fort fervement et efficacement. C’était à cette occasion que lorsqu’elle communiait, ce qu’elle faisait tous les premiers dimanches du mois, ce qu’on trouvait fort étrange car de ce temps on ne communiait que fort rarement, savoir à Pâques et à la Noël, il fallait que cette pauvre fille se confessa dans un matin quelquefois jusqu’à deux ou trois fois. Car aussitôt qu’elle sortait de confesse, s’étant mise à genoux, fait le signe de la croix et dit son pater de pénitence avec assez de peine, incontinent la contemplation saisissait son esprit et l’emportait dans quelques considérations et affections hautes et ne lui permettait de dire comme elle voulait sa créance pour se préparer à la communion. Aussitôt qu’elle revenait à elle-même, elle retournait se confesser de ce qu’elle n’avait fait que penser. Ainsi elle passait tout le matin à l’église lorsqu’elle faisait la sainte Communion. Ce fut dans le cours de cette seconde année qu’elle acquit le don de savoir parler le français et de l’entendre. Car en ce temps, il n’y avait dans la ville d’Ambert point de femme et fille qui sût ce langage, et très peu y comprenaient quelque chose. Antoinette avait comme une voix intérieure qui lui disait les noms de toutes choses comme elles se nommaient en français, lui disant à l’oreille du cœur, “ce n’est

Part One

43

and began her pater noster—she knew a few prayers, and how to read a bit of Latin—her spirit was ravished somehow by God, completely taken over by divine and heavenly things and she felt consolations which were indescribable. When she returned to herself, after having remained for a long time in this prayer or rapture, she was greatly troubled because she had not been able to say her pater and her hours, and she went to confess to a priest whom she thought to be among the most capable but who was so ignorant about these things that when she confessed that while in church she did nothing but think and could not pray or read her prayer-book, and that she could not say her complete pater noster, asking his advice about what to do to remedy this, the good priest told her that she must make the sign of the cross, say her credo and pray to God and believe that He was in the church. She replied: “It is certainly God to whom I pray, and about Him that I think and not anything else, but it is in my heart and I cannot move my lips.” “But you must do this,” said the confessor, “because otherwise it is not praying to God.” After hearing this from her confessor, she was in great difficulty. Because she had begun to know God and did not wish to offend him, but rather to pray to him as she did quite fervently and effectively. At that time, when she took communion on the first Sunday of every month, which was considered very strange because at that time people took communion only rarely, that is to say at Easter and Christmas, the poor girl sometimes had to confess two or three times in a single morning. Because as soon as she left the confessional, after kneeling, making the sign of the cross, and saying her pater noster of repentance with great difficulty, her spirit was seized by contemplation and she was carried off by lofty thoughts and feelings which did not allow her to say her credo as she wished to prepare for communion. As soon as she returned to herself, she went back to confess that she had done nothing but think. So she spent the whole morning at church when she took holy Communion. It was during this second year that she acquired the gift of knowing how to speak and understand French. Because at that time there was no woman or girl in Ambert who knew that language, and very few who understood any of it. Antoinette heard a sort of inner voice which told her the names of all things as they were called in French, speaking to the ear of her heart, “it is not like

44

The Life of Antoinette Micolon

pas comme cela,” proférant le mot auvergnat, “mais comme ceci,” le proférant en bon français. De sorte qu’il n’y avait rien qu’elle ne sût intérieurement par vue intellectuelle. Et en se promenant par les allées du jardin ou ailleurs, allant et venant, elle faisait de grands discours en français. Il lui semblait qu’une personne était autour d’elle qui l’interrogeait et répondait sans qu’elle vit personne. Ces discours étaient de Dieu et comme il faudrait répartir si on lui disait telle ou telle chose, ou comme il faudrait dire pour persuader des personnes à aimer Dieu et à des filles pour être religieuses. Et puis après elle trouva de bonnes occasions pour mettre tous ces mêmes discours et instructions en pratique, et bien souvent il lui était arrivé que les mêmes questions que lui faisaient ces personnes invisibles lui furent faites particulièrement par son père et autres parents. Aussi avait-elle ses réparties toutes prêtes et en très bons termes, tel qu’il lui avait été enseigné par la sus-dite personne invisible à ses yeux. Elle convainquait souvent son père et autres par ses raisons, leur faisant voir qu’il ne pouvait ni ne devait l’empêcher d’être religieuse. Cette voix intérieure ne la quittait jamais et par ainsi elle se rendait fort capable de la langue française. Elle n’en usait pourtant pas au logis de son père, parce qu’on ne l’aurait pas entendue tout autre que lui, et que l’on se serait moqué d’elle. Comme il lui arriva une fois, étant à la messe de minuit, veille de Noël. Sa chandelle s’étant éteinte entre ses mains, et elle étant si enfoncée en Dieu que sans y penser au lieu de demander de la lumière en langue vulgaire, elle dit à une femme qui était auprès d’elle: “Donnez-moi un peu de feu s’il vous plaît, pour allumer ma chandelle.” Cette femme l’entendant parler de cette sorte fit un grand éclat de rire et appela plusieurs autres pour leur dire: “Venez voir une telle qui parle français, ou je ne sais quel langage.” Ce ne lui fut pas une petite honte, car elle la montrait au doigt comme si elle eût fait quelque grand mal. Elle était trop occupée en Dieu pour leur répondre. Elle ne leur fit aucune répartie pour s’excuser ou se défendre. Les entretiens intérieurs de cœur à cœur furent fréquents et assidus l’espace d’un an, et cela l’aida fort; par ce moyen, elle entendit la lecture. Le carême venu, Dieu la voulut un peu consoler et lui fournir matière de bien porter sa croix dans ce même lieu encore deux ans, comme il se dira. Ce fut par le moyen d’un bon père Minime qui vint prêcher le carême Ambert. Ayant reçu le don d’entendre le français, elle ne perdait pas un sermon. Un jour il lui prit envie

Part One

45

this,” giving the auvergnat word, “but like this,” giving it to her in good French. So that there was nothing that she did not know inwardly through intellectual insight. And while walking up and down the garden paths or elsewhere, she gave great speeches in French. It seemed to her that there was a person around her who questioned her and responded without her seeing anyone. These speeches were of God and how she should respond if someone should tell her such and such a thing, or how she should speak to persuade people to love God and girls to become nuns. And she soon found occasion to put all these speeches and instructions into practice, and very often it happened that she was asked the same questions that these invisible people asked her by her father and other relatives. And her responses were ready and expressed in very good terms, as she had been taught by the above-mentioned person who was invisible to her eyes. She often convinced her father and others with her arguments, making them see that they neither could nor should stop her from becoming a nun. This inner voice never left her and in this way she became fluent in the French language. However she did not use it in her father’s house because no one would have understood it except she, and they would have made fun of her. Which happened to her once when she was at midnight mass on Christmas Eve. Her candle went out in her hands, and being so lost in God that without thinking instead of asking for some light in the local dialect, she said to a woman who was near her, “Give me a bit of fire please, to light my candle.” The woman, hearing her speak in this way, burst into laughter, and called several others to tell them, “Come see this person who speaks French, or I don’t know what language.” This was embarassing for her, because she pointed at her as if she had done some great wrong. She was too occupied with God to respond. She gave them no reply to excuse or defend herself. The inner heart-to-heart conversations were frequent and regular for a year, and this helped her a great deal; in this way, she learned to read. When Lent arrived, God wished to console her a bit and give her the means to bear her cross well in this same place for two more years, as will be described. This was through a good Minim father who came to preach the Lenten sermons at Ambert. Having received the gift of understanding French, she did not miss a sermon. One day she developed

46

The Life of Antoinette Micolon

d’aller voir et parler au bon père Minime prédicateur, y étant incitée parce qu’elle entendait et savait parler le français. [Elle] accosta le bon Père et lui demanda fort naïvement si elle pourrait aller en paradis en disant toutes les oraisons de ses heures, comme il l’avait prêché en chaire qu’on allait au ciel par l’oraison, et qu’au lieu d’une, elle en disait plusieurs. Ce bon Père l’envisagea et se mit à rire de sa naïveté, et l’ayant faite asseoir auprès de lui il commença à l’entretenir. Et voyant qu’elle entendait et parlait la langue française, il s’en étonna fort. Il prenait d’autant plus de plaisirs à l’entretenir. Il lui demanda quel dessein elle avait pour bien servir Dieu. Elle lui répartit qu’elle avait promis à Notre-Seigneur et à Notre-Dame de garder sa virginité, et qu’elle ne voulait pas se marier, mais qu’elle voulait être religieuse. Ce bon Père trouva ses paroles fort nouvelles et extraordinaires en ce pays. Il s’en rejoüit et lui témoigna que cette nouvelle lui était fort agréable, et lui dit: “Ma fille, vous faites très bien. Ce chemin est bien si assuré pour aller en paradis comme celui de dire toutes les oraisons de vos heures. Mais, ma fille,” lui dit-il, “en quelle religion voulez-vous entrer?” Elle répondit, “C’est à Courpière, où j’ai une cousine germaine.” Ce bon Père lui dit alors: “Ma fille, je vous conseille plutôt de prendre une paire de besaces au col et de vous en aller de porte en porte mendier votre pain que de vous mettre religieuse à Courpière. Si vous avez d’être religieuse, il le faut être en quelque religion bien réformée qui ne sortent pas et ne reviennent plus chez leurs parents comme font celles de Courpière et autres semblables. Car il faut être tout un ou tout autre, bonne religieuse ou séculière.” Elle lui répartit de fort bonne grâce: “Mon Père, y a-t-il donc d’autres religions et d’autres religieuses dans le monde que celle de Courpière?” “Jésus, ma fille,” dit le Père, “il y en a tant d’autres bien réformées et il faut que vous vous y mettiez,” et lui en nomma plusieurs, et cela fut assez dit pour lui ôter l’envie d’aller à Courpière. Elle avait entendu dans un autre sermon de ce père Minime que ceux qui prêtent de l’argent à usure étaient en voie de damnation s’ils ne s’amendaient pas et appartenaient au diable. Elle retint fort bien ces mots, Dieu le permettant pour le bien de l’âme de son père. S’en étant retournée au logis après le sermon, elle y trouva son père qui faisait quelques comptes avec un paysan et prenait de l’argent d’intérêts de quelque somme qu’il lui devait. Voyant cela, un esprit intérieur la

Part One

47

the desire to go and speak to the good Minim preacher, being inspired to do this because she understood and knew how to speak French. [She] went up to the good Father and asked him very innocently if she could go to Paradise by saying all the prayers in her prayer-book, as he had preached that one went to heaven through prayer, and that instead of one, she said many of them. The good Father looked at her and began to laugh at her innocence, and having sat her down beside him, began to talk with her. And he was very surprised to see that she understood and spoke the French language. He took even more pleasure in conversing with her. He asked her what plan she had to serve God. She answered that she had promised Our Lord and Our Lady to preserve her virginity, and that she did not wish to marry, but that she wished to become a nun. The good Father found her words very novel and unusual for the region. He was delighted and told her that this news pleased him very much, and said to her: “My daughter, what you are doing is good. This road is as certain a way to get to paradise as is saying all the prayers in your prayer-book. But, my daughter,” he asked, “what religious order do you wish to enter?” She replied, “The one in Courpière, where I have a cousin.” The good Father then told her, “My daughter, I would sooner advise you to wear a couple of beggar’s wallets around your neck and go door to door begging for your bread than to become a nun at Courpière. If you have what it takes to become a nun, this must be in some reformed order where they do not leave the convent or return to visit their families as do those of Courpière and others like it. Because you must be one or the other, a good nun or layperson.” She replied graciously, “My Father, are there then other orders and other nuns in the world besides those of Courpière?” “Jesus, my daughter,” said the Father, “There are many other reformed ones and it is among these that you must choose,” and he named a few of them for her, and this was enough to extinguish her desire to go to Courpière. She had heard in another of the Minim father’s sermons that those who lent money at interest would be damned if they did not mend their ways and belonged to the devil. She remembered these words well, God permitting this for the good of her father’s soul. Having returned to her house after the sermon, she found her father going over some accounts with a peasant and collecting interest on a sum that was owed him. Seeing this, something inside her

48

The Life of Antoinette Micolon

poussa fort de dire à son père ce qu’elle avait retenu du sermon. Elle prend donc la parole et dit: “Mon père, ne prenez pas d’argent d’intérêts, car le prédicateur a dit que tous ceux qui en prendraient seraient damnés.” Notre Seigneur donna telle efficace à ses paroles que son père l’envisageant lui dit: “Va, tu seras crue, jamais intérêt je ne prendrai pour argent qui me soit dû et que je prête.” Il rendit sur le champ à ce pauvre paysan celui qu’il avait pris de lui, qui en fut très content, et il n’arriva plus à son père de prêter à intérêts.

Madame la Prieure entrant en discussion avec son père traitant de son marché, ils étaient en différend de cent écus. Car Madame voulait trois cents écus comptant, et outre cela dix écus tous les ans selon la coutume de ce monastère. Et son père ne voulait en donner que 200 écus, s’accordant aux dix écus de pension. Il était décidé de la ramener chez lui plutôt que de donner ladite somme qu’on lui demandait. [Antoinette], entendant ce différend et désirant de tout son cœur de ne plus sortir de cette maison et d’y être religieuse, poussée d’un instinct divin se mit au milieu de la compagnie et parla à Madame en cette sorte: “Madame,” dit-elle, “je vous prie de vous contenter de ce que mon père vous offre. Par ma foi, il n’a pas moyen de vous donner davantage, car il a autre cinq filles. Mais vous verrez que je vous servirai tant bien et vous ferai des jeux pour vous faire rire qui vaudront bien les autres cent écus que vous demandez à mon père.” Cette bonne dame la Prieure la regarda fort fixement au visage et lui mit la main sur la tête, lui dit: “Va, tu seras crue, et je ferai pour toi un passe-droit de cent écus.” Voici donc le marché conclu, et le jour fut pris pour lui donner l’habit, qui fut fixé au mardi de la Pentecôte. Le père promit de s’y rendre, ainsi que la marâtre. Son père manque de se rendre à Sainte-Fleurine pour le jour de sa prise d’habit ainsi qu’il l’avait promis et on ne pouvait rien faire

Part One

49

urged her to tell her father what she remembered of the sermon. So she began to speak and said, “My father, do not lend money at interest, because the preacher said that all those who did so would be damned.” Our Lord gave such power to her words that her father looked at her and said, “Go away, you have convinced me, never again will I collect interest on the money that is owed me or that I lend.” He returned on the spot what he had taken from this poor peasant, who was very happy with this, and her father never again lent money at interest. In 1611, at age 19, Antoinette is placed in the Benedictine convent of Sainte-Fleurine3: The Prioress entered into negotiations with her father regarding her contract. They differed by 100 écus. Because Madame wanted three hundred écus in cash, and in addition to this ten écus every year according to the custom of the convent. And her father wanted to give only two hundred écus, agreeing to the 10 écus in board. He had decided to take her home rather than pay the sum that was asked of him. [Antoinette], learning of this difference and wishing with all her heart not to leave this house and to become a nun there, pushed by divine inspiration interrupted the meeting and spoke to Madame in these terms: “Madame,” she said, “I beg you to be content with what my father is offering you. By my faith, he does not have the means to give you more, because he has five other daughters. But you will see that I will serve you so well and will do tricks to make you laugh which will make up for the other hundred écus that you ask of my father.” The good Prioress looked her in the face and put her hand on her head, and said to her: “Go, I believe you, and for you I will make an exception of the hundred écus.” And so the contract was concluded, and the date was set for her to take the veil, which was on the Tuesday of Pentecost. Her father promised to attend, as well as her stepmother. Her father failed to appear at Sainte-Fleurine on the day she was to take the veil as he had promised and nothing could be done with3 The Benedictine convent of St. Fleurine was founded in 1201 (Abbé Adrien Adam, “Antoinette Micolon, Mère Colombe du Saint-Esprit, 1ère Ursuline d’Auvergne, fondatrice des couvents d’Ambert, de Clermont, de Tulle, de Beaulieu, d’Espalion et d’Arlanc,” ms. Archives des Ursuline de St-Alyre).

50

The Life of Antoinette Micolon

sans lui. Elle désirait fort d’envoyer savoir le sujet pourquoi son père n’était pas venu, mais elle ne savait pas encore écrire. Elle n’osait pas trop importuner sa maîtresse de lui écrire une lettre à son père. Elle se hasarda de l’en prier, qui le fit très volontiers. Son père lui marquait qu’il avait eu quelques affaires d’importance qui l’avaient retenu, mais que sans faillir, il s’y rendrait pour le jour de St-Jean-Baptiste. Lequel jour arrivé, elle ne vit pas plus venir son père que la première fois, sans qu’il manda aucune excuse ni aucune nouvelle. Elle y renvoya derechef et il lui manda qu’il viendrait sans manquer à Notre-Dame de Septembre, que les moissons le retenaient, qu’il ne pouvait y aller plus tôt. A Notre-Dame de Septembre, elle ne vit non plus venir son père que devant. Il manda qu’il viendrait sans faute à la Saint-Michel pour faire prendre l’habit à sa fille. Mais hélas: la Saint-Michel arrivée, sa joie se convertit en double tristesse de ne pas voir venir son père. Elle y renvoya derechef, il le remit à la Noël et puis de la Noël à Pâques. Cela fit qu’il se sema un bruit tant dans le monastère que dehors dans le bourg, fondé sur les délaissements que son père faisait d’elle. Il faut, disait-on, qu’elle soit une bâtarde et non pas une fille légitime de la maison de son père. Si cela était autrement, son père ne ferait pas si peu d’état d’elle. Le lendemain elle se réveilla quelque temps avant minuit. Etant éveillée, elle ouït fort distinctement une voix qui lui dit en l’appelant par son nom: “Retourne à Ambert, car Notre Seigneur veut que par ton moyen il s’y fasse un monastère et religion de filles.” Cette voix l’effraya fort, mais enfin elle se tranquillisa et trouva son esprit si fort et vigoureux et son cœur si élargi qu’elle ne croyait pas d’être ellemême. Les paroles de cette voix lui donnèrent une forte résolution de s’en aller à Ambert, lui faisant ignorer toutes les difficultés qui s’y rencontreraient et que c’était une chose qui paraissait impossible selon le sens commun. Il n’y avait jamais eu de couvent dans cette ville. Le peuple y était fort rustique pour les choses de Dieu, ne savait presque ce que c’était que de Dieu ni de religion. Le Seigneur lui ôta toutes idées des difficultés qu’elle pouvait prévoir du côté de ses parents et de ce que la ville dirait d’elle. Son père pour couvrir sa mauvaise humeur et pour marier ses autres filles avait fait courir le bruit par la ville que celle-ci était religieuse, et quoiqu’elle ne

Part One

51

out him. She very much wished to send a letter to find out why her father had not come, but she did not yet know how to write. She was reluctant to bother her teacher by asking her to write a letter to her father for her. She ventured to ask her to do this, which she did quite willingly. Her father explained that he had had important business which had detained him, but that he would come without fail on the feast-day of St. John the Baptist. On this day, her father failed to arrive as he had the first time, without sending any excuse or any news. She sent word to him again and he wrote that he would come without fail on the day of Our Lady of September, that the harvest kept him, that he could not come any sooner. On the day of Our Lady of September, her father again failed to appear. He wrote that he would come without fail on the feast-day of St. Michael so that his daughter could take the veil. But alas: when the day of St. Michael arrived, her joy was transformed into even deeper sadness when her father did not appear. She sent word to him again, he put it off until Christmas and then from Christmas to Easter. As a result, a rumor began to circulate both in the convent and in the town, based on her father’s neglect of her. It was said that she must be a bastard and not a legitimate daughter of her father’s house. If it had been otherwise, her father would not have so little regard for her. The next day, she awoke some time before midnight. Being wide awake, she heard very distinctly a voice which called her by her name and said: “Return to Ambert, because Our Lord wishes to use you to create a convent and order of girls.” This voice frightened her very much, but finally she calmed down and found her spirit so strong and vigorous and her heart so enlarged that she could not believe that this was herself. The voice’s words made her determined to return to Ambert, making her disregard all the difficulties that she would face and that this was a thing which seemed impossible according to common sense. There had never been a convent in that town. The people there were very simple when it came to matters of God, they hardly knew anything about God or religion. The Lord kept her from thinking about the difficulties she could expect from her family and about what the town would say of her. Her father to conceal his bad behavior and to marry off his other daughters had spread the rumor throughout the town that she was a nun, and although she

52

The Life of Antoinette Micolon

l’ignora pas, elle s’aveugla sur toutes ces raisons humaines. La voix qu’elle avait ouïe avait tellement gagné sa volonté qu’elle ne pensait qu’à mettre en exécution ce qui lui avait été commandé. C’était en l’année 1613. Elle demeura encore dans ce monastère jusqu’au jour de Saint-Marc, le 25 du mois d’avril suivant, qui faisait les deux ans entiers qu’elle avait passés dans cette communauté. La volonté échauffée de plus en plus, elle prenait le plan du monastère de Sainte-Fleurine pour construire le sien de cette sorte, s’il était possible. Pour cet effet, elle mit par écrit toute la façon de celui-ci. Elle savait alors un peu écrire. Elle était attentive à tous les offices qui se faisaient pour les pratiquer ci-après, comme elle fît. Toutes ses remarques lui aidèrent beaucoup à faire ses constitutions, joint à d’autres règles qu’elle eut occasion de voir dans la suite. Elle s’adressa à un bon ermite qui en passant prêcha chez les dames et les confessa. Elle s’y confessa pareillement, lui découvrit aussi ce qui se passait en elle, pour prendre ses avis touchant le dessein qu’elle avait de fonder un monastère, lui parlant de la voix qu’elle avait entendue. Ce bon ermite lui répartit que sans doute c’était le diable, et une forte tentation, et que c’était une chose impossible à elle de faire une religion, que personne plus n’avait pensé de faire un couvent à Ambert qu’il ne fallait pas qu’elle pensât à une telle entreprise. Mais cela ne la découragea pas. Il lui semblait que sa volonté et son zèle s’enflammaient encore plus; il avait beau lui dire de chasser telle pensée et fantaisie de sa tête, de ne plus s’en occuper, ainsi qu’elle ferait d’une mauvaise pensée. Au bout de quelque autre temps, il vint aussi un père Minime auquel elle dit tout ce qu’elle avait dit à l’ermite touchant la voix qu’elle avait ouïe. Ce bon Père forma le même jugement que l’ermite, et pour lui faire quitter ce dessein, lui disait également que c’était une ruse du diable qui ne voulait pas qu’elle demeurât dans ce monastère, prévoyant le bien qu’elle y ferait, mais que si elle voulait se marier et ne plus être religieuse, qu’il s’offrait à lui faire venir une dispense de Rome, à cause du vœu de virginité qu’elle avait fait. “Mon Père,” ditelle, “ce n’est pas mon dessein de me marier, mais enfin je suis grandement pressée intérieurement de m’en aller pour faire l’établissement de cette religion, il me semble que Dieu veut cela de moi.” Ce bon Minime s’efforçait de plus en plus par belles

Part One

53

was not unaware of this, she was blind to all human judgments. The voice that she had heard had so won her over that she thought only of carrying out what she had been commanded to do. This was in the year 1613. She remained in the convent until the feast-day of St. Mark, the 25th of April of the following year, which made two whole years that she had spent in that community. She became more and more determined and decided to construct her own convent, using Sainte-Fleurine as a model, if it were possible. To that end, she wrote down everything that was done there. At that time, she knew how to write a little. She was attentive to all the functions that were performed so as to exercise them later, as she did. All her observations were very helpful when she wrote her constitutions, along with the other rules that she had the opportunity to see later. She consulted a good hermit who while passing through the area preached at the convent and heard their confessions. She confessed to him along with the others and revealed what was taking place within her to get his advice regarding the plan that she had to found a convent, telling him about the voice she had heard. The good hermit replied that no doubt it was the devil, and a strong temptation, and that it was an impossible thing for her to create an order, that no other person had thought of founding a convent in Ambert, that she ought not to think of such an undertaking. But this did not discourage her. It seemed to her that her will and her zeal were inflamed still more; he had tried in vain to persuade her to chase such a thought and fantasy from her head, to not think about it any more, as she would a bad thought. Some time later, there also came a Minim Father whom she told all that she had told the hermit concerning the voice that she had heard. The good father formed the same opinion as the hermit, and to make her abandon this plan, told her as well that this was a trick of the devil who did not want her to remain in this convent, predicting the good that she would do there, but that if she wished to marry and no longer to become a nun, that he offered to obtain a dispensation from Rome for her, because of the vow of virginity she had made. “My Father,” she said, “it is not my plan to marry, but in short I have a powerful inspiration to leave to establish an order, I think that God wishes this of me.” The good Minim father proceeded to use fine

54

The Life of Antoinette Micolon

paroles et raisons de lui ôter cela de la tête, mais c’était comme on dit: jeter davantage de l’huile au feu. Bien loin que cela servît à la dissuader, son cœur et sa volonté s’enflammaient encore plus à suivre ce pieux mouvement. Elle aurait bien voulu s’en départir pour suivre les conseils de ceux qu’elle consultait, mais cela ne lui était pas possible. Quand ce bon Père vit qu’il ne pouvait la faire changer de sentiment, il le lui commanda par obéissance et sous peine de pécher de ne plus penser à cela, de sortir de ce monastère pour en aller faire un autre, et que c’était folie d’y penser. Et pour l’y obliger plus étroitement, il le lui donna par pénitence. Tous ses commandements ne purent avoir aucune efficace pour la détourner de cette entreprise. Et Dieu, pour l’y confirmer davantage, lui donna un grand dégoût de ce monastère de Sainte-Fleurine, qui lui ôtait toute envie d’y demeurer. Il lui fut donné une grande facilité à faire des discours spirituels et persuasifs. Quelquefois elle s’en allait le long des allées, et là toute seule faisait de grands discours, comme si elle eût parlé aux filles de la ville d’Ambert pour les persuader d’être religieuses et se joindre à elle pour fonder son monastère. Ces sortes de discours ranimaient encore plus son ardeur. Etant donc toute décidée à l’exécution de ce dessein, elle délibéra de mander à ses parents qu’on l’envoya chercher.

Ayant donc commencé par se confesser, et après qu’elle eût dit tous ses péchés, elle se sentait excitée à lui confier son dessein. Mais le diable faisait ses efforts pour l’en détourner. Elle changeait de couleur à chaque instant et la parole lui défaillait. Le curé s’aperçut de son trouble ou de son embarras, l’exhortait beaucoup à lui découvrir tout ce qu’elle avait sur le cœur. Il tâchait de ranimer sa confiance, croyant que ce fût quelque gros péché mortel qu’elle n’osait dire. Il commence à de l’interroger de toute part et de tous péchés, mais elle

Part One

55

words and arguments to try to remove this idea from her head, but this only, as the saying goes, added fuel to the flames. Far from serving to dissuade her, her heart and her will became even more inflamed to follow her pious impulse. She would very much have liked to have given it up to follow the advice of those she had consulted, but this was not possible for her. When the good father saw that he could not change her opinion, he commanded her by obedience and under pain of sin not to think about it anymore, to leave this monastery to found another, and that it was crazy to think about it. And to ensure her obedience, he gave this to her as penance. All his commands were completely ineffective in deterring her from this enterprise. And God, to strengthen her commitment to it, gave her a great dislike for the convent of Sainte-Fleurine, which took away any desire she had to stay there. She was given a great facility for making spiritual and persuasive speeches. Sometimes she walked the hallways and all alone there made great speeches, as if she were speaking to the girls of the town of Ambert to persuade them to become nuns and to join with her to found her convent. These types of speeches aroused her ardor still more. Having thus completely decided to carry out this plan, she resolved to write to her family to send for her. Antoinette returns to Ambert and seeks the advice of the new parish priest, Monsieur Madur4: After having given her confession and telling all her sins, she was eager to confide in him about her plan. But the devil did everything he could to keep her from doing this. She blushed at every question and was unable to speak. The curé noticed her difficulty or distress and encouraged her to reveal to him everything in her heart. He tried to restore her confidence, believing that there was some great mortal sin that she dared not speak of. He began to question her about everything and about every sin, but she re4 Thomas Madur had been educated at the Jesuit collège of Billom, originally founded in 1564 and the major center for learning and scholarship in the region. The college was also a center of League activity in the late sixteenth century. See Pourrat, 75-76n; Elie Jaloustre, Les Anciennes écoles de l’Auvergne. Mémoires de l’académie des sciences, belles-lettres et arts de Clermont-Ferrand 23 (1881), 116-125, 147.

56

The Life of Antoinette Micolon

répondait qu’elle ne se sentait point coupable de tout ce qu’il lui demandait, qu’elle croyait avoir confessé tout le mal qu’elle avait fait. Elle sentit son cœur, qui était auparavant si rétréci et resserré, s’élargir et s’ouvrir. Elle commence donc à dire: “Monsieur, ce que j’avais à vous déclarer, et je ne le pouvais, comme vous l’avez aperçu sensiblement, c’est que je suis venue de Sainte-Fleurine où je pouvais et désirais être religieuse, et c’est dans l’intention de faire Ambert un monastère et religion de filles, selon les paroles que me dit une voix que j’entendis une nuit d’après la Purification de Notre-Dame. J’étais fort pressée avant que de me confesser de vous dire ceci. Mais vous avez vu la peine que j’avais à vous le dire. Et je crois que c’est la volonté de Dieu que vous m’aidiez en cette affaire, car je n’avais pas résolu de me confesser à vous et Dieu l’a permis sans que j’y pensa.” Ce bon curé, entendant ceci, se prit à rire, voyant que c’était une chose et des paroles si nouvelles en la bouche de cette fille, l’exécution desquelles il jugeait impossible selon le jugement des hommes. Il lui dit là-dessus: “Je suis bien aisé que vous m’ayez parlé de cela. C’est chose à quoi il ne faut plus penser du tout, car cela n’est pas seulement difficile mais tout à fait impossible. Nos ancêtres et devanciers n’ont jamais pensé à cela, quoiqu’il y ait eu beaucoup de gens d’esprit. Nul n’aurait osé l’entreprendre. Et comment vous, qui n’êtes qu’une jeune fille sous la puissance d’un père, penseriez-vous d’en venir à bout? Ne vous y rompez pas la tête, car ce serait en vain.” Les paroles de ce curé lui tirèrent les larmes du cœur qui coulaient de ses yeux en grande abondance, de voir qu’elle ne trouvait personne qui voulût lui aider ni même approuver ce qu’elle désirait avec tant d’ardeur. Le curé la voyant si affligée eut compassion d’elle et lui dit: “Ma fille, ne vous affligez pas, je vous aiderai en tout ce qui dépendra de moi.” C’était le Saint-Esprit qui lui changea le cœur pour lui parler autrement et selon ses désirs. Il lui ajouta: “Fréquentez les filles de cette ville et voyez s’il y en aura quelques unes qui vous veuillent tenir compagnie, et en ayant trouvé, venez-le moi dire et vous verrez comme je vous aiderai.” Il avoua dans la suite qu’il lui parlait ainsi pour la consoler et pour s’en défaire, ne croyant pas qu’elle pût parvenir à l’exécution d’un dessein de si haute entreprise, ne voyant pas encore que Dieu agissait par elle.

Part One

57

plied that she did not feel at all guilty of anything he asked her about, that she believed that she had confessed all the evils that she had committed. She felt her heart, which until then had been so tight and closed, enlarge and open up. She then began to speak: “Sir, what I had to tell you and could not, as you noticed so perceptively, is that I left Sainte-Fleurine where I could have been and wanted to become a nun, and this was with the intention of founding a convent and religious order for girls in Ambert, following the words that a voice that I heard one night after the Purification of Notre-Dame spoke to me. I was very eager to tell you this before I confessed. But you saw how difficult it was for me to tell you about it. And I believe it is the will of God that you help me in this matter, because I had not planned to confess to you and God made it happen without my intending it.” The good curé, upon hearing this, began to laugh, considering this thing and these words to be so unusual coming from the mouth of this girl, the accomplishment of which he judged impossible in the eyes of men. He replied with these words: “I am very glad that you have spoken to me about this. This is something that you must think no more about, because it is not only difficult but completely impossible. Our ancestors never thought to do this, although many of them were people of intelligence. None would have dared to undertake it. And how can you, who are only a young girl under the power of a father, think of trying to accomplish this? Do not worry your head about this, because it would be in vain.” The words of the curé drew tears from her heart which flowed abundantly from her eyes, because she saw that she had not found someone who would help her or even to approve of what she so ardently desired. The curé seeing her so troubled had compassion for her and told her: “My daughter, do not grieve, I will help you in any way that I can.” It was the Holy Spirit who caused his change of heart and led him to alter his words according to its desires. He added, “Frequent the girls of the town and see if there are any who wish to join you, and once you have found them, come tell me and you will see how I will help you.” He confessed later that he spoke to her in this way to console her and to get rid of her, not believing that she could manage to accomplish such a lofty plan, not yet seeing that God acted through her.

58

The Life of Antoinette Micolon

Elle ne perdit pas temps, étant toujours aux aguets pour trouver quelque fille qui voulût se joindre à elle. Dieu lui en fit naître l’occasion ce même jour. Allant à Complies dans la chapelle de Notre-Dame une demoiselle s’accosta d’elle pour converser ensemble. Icelle commençait à la sonder et à la persuader discrètement et obscurément pour voir si elle pourrait faire brèche à son cœur. La providence permit pour favoriser son intention qu’elles rencontrèrent au milieu d’une rue deux sœurs colettes des Saintes-Claires de Montbrison qui vont faire la quête par les champs. Cette bonne fille qui l’avait accostée lui dit, “Cousine, je veux me mettre monge comme celles-là,” car elle ne savait dire religieuse. Elle fut prompte et habile à saisir cette occasion sans la laisser perdre, le Saint-Esprit la lui offrait. Elle lui repartit: “Ma cousine, je ne vous conseille pas de vous mettre comme ces sœurs quêteuses qui courent par les champs, vos parents ne le souffriraient pas.” Car cette fille était de qualité. “Et d’ailleurs vous n’avez pas la force pour faire de telles fonctions. Mais faisons mieux,” dit-elle, “faisons Ambert une religion. J’ai demeuré comme vous savez deux ans à Sainte-Fleurine; je sais bien ce qu’on y fait.” Le Saint-Esprit ne laissa pas tomber cette semence en terre. Il enflamma le cœur de cette jeune fille âgée de quinze ans, laquelle lui dit tout promptement: “Ma cousine, je le veux bien et je vous tiendrai fidèle compagnie.” Et en effet elle fut religieuse et supérieure à Sainte-Ursule d’Ambert et se nommait Sœur Marguerite Richard. Le lendemain matin, ladite demoiselle n’eut rien de si empressé que d’aller à l’église trouver Monsieur le curé, lui porter ces bonnes nouvelles. Auxquelles il repartit que cela allait très bien mais qu’elles ne seraient pas assez d’elles deux, qu’il fallait qu’elle en trouva une autre, qu’il était nécessaire d’être pour le moins trois, à l’honneur de la Sainte-Trinité. Non qu’il crût qu’elle réussit dans son entreprise mais il lui parlait de la sorte pour la contenter et pour se moquer d’elle sans qu’elle le comprît. Elle sentit ranimer sa confiance en Dieu, espérant de trouver cette troisième, ce qui arriva au bout de deux jours. Elle gagna de son parti un de ses voisines, la fille la mieux née et la plus mondaine de la ville. Elle fut en effet religieuse à SainteUrsule d’Ambert et se nommait Sœur Marthe Chaboissier.

Part One

59

She lost no time, being always watchful to find some girl who wished to join with her. God provided her with an opportunity that same day. On her way to evening prayers in the chapel of NotreDame a young lady came up to speak to her. [Antoinette] began to sound her out and discretely and subtly persuade her to see if she could open her heart. To assist her plan, Providence allowed them to meet on the street two Collettan sisters from Montbrison who were going through the fields collecting alms.5 The girl who had approached her said to her: “Cousin, I wish to become a monge like them,” because she did not know the word nun. She was quick to seize this occasion before losing the opportunity, as the Holy Spirit had offered it to her. She replied, “My cousin, I do not advise you to become like those mendicant sisters who wander through the fields, your family would not allow it.” Because the girl was from a good family. “And besides you haven’t the strength to perform such functions. But let us do better,” she said, “let us found an order in Ambert. I spent, as you know, two years at Sainte-Fleurine; I know what is done there.” The Holy Spirit did not let this seed fall on the ground. He inflamed the heart of that fifteen-year-old girl, who promptly told her, “My cousin, I wish this very much and I will be your faithful companion.” And in fact she became a nun and Superior of the Ursuline convent in Ambert, and was called Sister Marguerite Richard. The next morning, this young lady was eager to go to the church to find the curé, to tell him the good news. He replied that that was all very well, but that the two of them would not be enough, that she must find another, that there must be at least three, in honor of the Holy Trinity. Not that he believed that she would succeed in her enterprise, but he spoke this way to her to placate her and to mock her without her understanding it. She felt her confidence in God return, hoping to find this third person, which happened after two days. She won over one of her neighbors, the best born and most worldly girl in the town. She later became a nun in the Ursuline convent in Ambert and was called Sister Marthe Chaboissier. 5

The Colettan sisters or “Cordeliers” were an uncloistered congregation founded in the fifteenth century affiliated with the Franciscan order. They followed the Rule of St. Clare of Assisi and were devoted to a life of poverty. For more on their history, see Jo Ann McNamara, Sisters in Arms: Catholic Nuns Through Two Millenia (Cambridge: Harvard University Press, 1996), 400-401.

60

The Life of Antoinette Micolon

Elle va retrouver Monsieur le curé lui dire qu’elle en avait une troisième à l’honneur de la Sainte-Trinité. Ce fut alors que Dieu lui ouvrit les yeux. Il eut quelques sentiments que Dieu voulait faire quelque chose de bien de cette fille et des autres deux qu’elle lui avait nommées, voyant que c’étaient celles qui paraissaient être les plus mondaines de la ville et que puisqu’elles s’étaient laissé gagner aux paroles de celle-ci, qu’il fallait qu’il y eût plus que de l’humain dans cette affaire. Mais il n’était pas encore bien confirmé dans sa créance. Il était même encore tenté de la dissuader, ce qu’il n’osait crainte de l’affliger, car il l’affectionnait. Il lui dit seulement qu’il lui semblait que pour la décence il fallait qu’elles fussent quatre pour aller deux à deux, disait-il, en façon de religieuses. Le dimanche suivant, elle attaqua une autre fort brave demoiselle de 21 ans et qui fut pareillement religieuse de Sainte-Ursule Ambert, s’appelant Sœur Jeanne Poyol, qu’elle gagna de son parti et tira promesse d’elle qu’elle ne se dédirait pas. Elle fut encore dire au curé la fille qu’elle avait conquise pour faire la quatrième. Ce que voyant, ledit curé n’osa plus la presser de trouver des filles, craignant de résister au vouloir divin. Car comme il avait étudié et s’était élevé parmi les Révérends Pères Jésuites, il savait ce que c’était que les choses de Dieu et craignait qu’en la contredisant davantage il n’offensât Dieu. Mais il la prit d’un autre biais, lui disant que c’était bien bon d’avoir gagné la volonté de ces trois filles pour seconder son dessein, mais que ce n’était pas tout, que toutes trois avaient pères et mères et par conséquent n’étaient pas maîtresses de leurs volontés, qu’il fallait avoir le consentement de leurs pères et mères. Que quant à lui, il ne pouvait pas leur en parler, cela ne serait pas trouvé bon, mais qu’elle le fît elle-même, si elle n’aimait mieux abandonner cette affaire, qu’elle avait le choix. Ce bon curé croyait que cela lui serait tout à fait impossible, comme il le déclara dans la suite. Il croyait que les pères et mères de ces filles ne se laisseraient pas persuader aux paroles d’une jeune fille, au moins si facilement comme avaient fait leurs filles. Et que l’affaire en demeurerait là. Elle prit courage, aidée de la force de Dieu. Et comme s’il n’était question que de gagner des enfants par des dragées, elle prit cette affaire à cœur. Et ce fut là que la subtilité de son esprit lui servit beaucoup. Au premier abord, les parents de ces filles trouvèrent cela fort étrange et s’en moquaient. Mais elle leur parla avec tant d’énergie

Part One

61

She went again to find the curé to tell him that she had a third in honor of the Holy Trinity. It was then that God opened his eyes. He realized that God wished to do something good through this girl and the other two that she had named, seeing as they appeared to be the most worldly girls in town, and that since she had been able to win them over with her words, there must be some greater force at work in this affair. But he was not yet completely confirmed in his belief. He was still tempted to dissuade her, which he did not dare to do for fear of causing her pain, because he was fond of her. He merely told her that he thought that for decency’s sake there ought to be four so that they could go two by two, he said, in the manner of nuns. The following Sunday, she approached another worthy young lady aged 21 and who also became a nun with the Ursulines of Ambert called Sister Jeanne Poyol, whom she won over and who gave a promise that she would not go back on her word. Again she went to tell the curé about the girl she had won over to be the fourth. Faced with this, the curé no longer dared press her to find more girls, for fear of resisting the will of God. Because having studied and been raised among the Jesuit Fathers, he was able to recognize God’s work and was afraid that if he opposed her further he would offend God. But he took another approach, telling her that it was fine to have won over these three girls to support her plan, but that this was not enough, that all three had fathers and mothers and so were not free to do as they wished, that they must gain the consent of their fathers and mothers. However, he could not speak to them about it, that would not be appropriate, but she must do it herself, unless she preferred to abandon this affair, she had the choice. The good curé believed that this would be completely impossible for her, as he later admitted. He believed that the fathers and mothers of these girls would not allow themselves to be persuaded by the words of a young girl, at least not as easily as their daughters had been. And that the affair would remain there. God gave her strength, and she plucked up her courage. And she went about this business as if it were only a matter of winning over children with candy. And here her shrewd nature served her well. At first, the girls’ parents found this a very strange thing and laughed at it. But she addressed them with so much energy and

62

The Life of Antoinette Micolon

et de force, assistée de la faveur du Saint-Esprit qui disposait leurs cœurs tandis qu’elle leur parlait de façon que les pères et mères de ces trois filles lui dirent tous d’un commun consentement: “Ma cousine, nous vous donnons nos filles. Faites-en comme il vous plaira, disposez d’elles et de nous et de nos petits moyens comme il vous plaira. Là où vous serez, nous ne craignons pas qu’elles soient mal. Nous consentons à ce que vous désirez que nous fassions. Commandez, nous obéirons.” Elle fut rendre compte au curé de ce bon succès. Il en fut surpris et ravi en admiration de voir une jeune fille venir à bout de choses si difficiles. Connaissant clairement que Dieu opérait là, il lui dit: “Ma fille, de mon côté je vous dis de même: disposez de moi comme il vous plaira, car je ne puis plus résister à la voix de Dieu, et vous promets que désormais je ferai à cet égard tout ce que vous désirerez.” Elle le remercia et lui dit: “Monsieur, puisque j’ai gagné les filles et leurs parents pour les faire consentir à ce pieux dessein, il faut, s’il vous plaît, que ce soit vous qui y disposiez mon père.” Ce qu’il fit avec assez de grandes difficultés qui ne seront couchées ici. Les voilà donc toutes quatre, et celle-ci menait la bande, et qui ne savait quel ordre prendre. Elle avait bien vu comme à SainteFleurine faisait, qui était l’ordre de Saint-Benoît, mais elle n’y avait aucune inclination, son cœur y répugnait. Elles donc par inspiration divine et par l’avis du sieur curé, qui à cause de sa charge ne pouvait pas être si présent ni prendre la peine et sollicitude que l’affaire le requérait, elles s’adressèrent à un bon prêtre, cousin germain d’une des trois filles, et se nommait messire Helein Lhéritier, lequel avait un frère jésuite et un autre qui étudiait au collège des Jésuites du Puy-en-Velay. Ce bon prêtre loua leur entreprise et leur fit offre de ses moyens et de sa personne pour les assister en tout et partout. Ce qu’il a parfaitement accompli ayant toujours été le confesseur des Ursules d’Ambert, leur première maison. Etant donc assemblées pour délibérer de quel ordre on choisirait, ce bon prêtre s’avisa de cet expédient qui fut qu’il écrirait à son frère qui étudiait au Puy pour lui marquer qu’il le priait de parler à quelqu’un des Révérends Pères du collège pour s’informer d’eux quel ordre fleurissait le plus dans la ville du Puy et lequel serait le plus à propos d’établir à Ambert. Cette proposition fut agréée de toutes et il l’exécuta. Il ajouta dans sa lettre à ce qui est dit cidevant qu’il y avait quatre filles qui se disposaient à faire une

Part One

63

power, aided by the grace of the Holy Spirit who prepared their hearts while she spoke to them in such a way that the fathers and mothers of the three girls gave her their common consent: “My cousin, we give you our daughters. Do with them as you please, make use of them and of us and of our small means as you wish. Wherever you are, we will not fear for their well-being. We consent to what you ask of us. Command, we will obey.” She went to tell the curé of her success. He was very surprised and filled with admiration to see a young girl succeed at such a difficult thing. Seeing clearly that God was at work here, he told her, “My daughter, as for me I say the same to you: make use of me as you wish, because I can no longer resist the voice of God, and promise you that from now on I will help you in any way that you wish.” She thanked him and told him: “Sir, since I have convinced the girls and their parents to consent to this pious plan, it must, if you please, be you who convinces my father.” This he did with great difficulty which will not be recounted here. So there they were, all four of them, and this girl led the band, and she did not know which order to choose. She had observed how things were done at Sainte-Fleurine, which was of the order of St. Benedict, but she was not inclined that way, her heart was averse to it. So through divine inspiration and on the advice of the curé, who due to his position could not be as attentive as or take the trouble and care that the affair required, they turned to a good priest, the cousin of one of the three girls named Helein Lhéritier, who had one brother who was a Jesuit and another who studied at the Jesuit college in Le Puy-en-Velay. The good priest praised their enterprise and offered to do whatever he could to help them. He fulfilled this promise completely, having always been the confessor of the Ursulines of Ambert, their first house. Having gathered to discuss what order to choose, the good priest recommended a course of action which was that he would write to his brother who studied in Le Puy to tell him that he wished to speak to one of the reverend fathers of the college to find out from them what order flourished most in the city of Le Puy and which would be the most appropriate to establish in Ambert. This proposal was agreed upon by all and he carried it out. He added in his letter to that which is described above that there were four girls who were ready to make

64

The Life of Antoinette Micolon

fondation dans Ambert et qu’elles n’avaient point voulu faire de choix sans l’avis de ces bons pères, et qu’aussitôt l’avis reçu, elles se porteraient au Puy pour prendre les règles qu’il leur conseillerait. Tel fut le contenu de la lettre du bon prêtre à son frère l’écolier, lequel l’ayant reçue s’en alla au collège, parla et communiqua d’icelle au Révérend Père Nicolas Goux demeurant audit collège, père fort signalé et homme de grande autorité et vertu, lequel favorisa fort leur intention et prit l’affaire à cœur. Lui-même alla aux Ursules qui étaient établies au Puy en forme de congrégation seulement depuis trois ou quatre ans, leur arrêta la place pour y demeurer le temps qu’elles voudraient afin d’y apprendre les règles. Et lui-même écrivit à messire Helein Lhéritier lui manda de conduire ces quatre filles au Puy quand il voudrait, qu’il avait arrêté leurs places à Sainte-Ursule, et qu’il fallait faire le monastère Ambert de cet institut parce que, disait-il, il est le plus nécessaire aux villes pour l’instruction des filles qui viennent à leurs écoles.

Le lendemain de grand matin, sans rien dire à sa marâtre, elle se leva et fut réveiller les autres filles ainsi que leurs pères, voulant partir à la pointe du jour, fit conduire son cheval hors de la ville et fut déjeûner chez une des autres demoiselles. Cela fait et tout son monde prêt à monter à cheval, elle prit congé du bon curé, lui recommanda de nouveau toutes choses, et puis alla donner le bonjour à sa marâtre, qui était encore au lit, et lui dit adieu. Laquelle se leva vite et se mit à crier après elle, la poursuivant pour l’arrêter. Mais elle gagna au pied, ses jambes étant meilleures que les siennes, et dit bellement au curé de l’aller apaiser afin que les autres ne s’en aperçussent pas, crainte que l’affaire ne fût interrompue. Ce qu’il fit adroitement.

Part One

65

a foundation in Ambert and that they had not wished to make the choice without the advice of the good fathers, and that as soon as they received the advice, they would go to Le Puy to receive the rules that were recommended. Such was the content of the good priest’s letter to his brother the student, who having received it went to the college, spoke about it to the reverend father Nicolas Goux of that college, a distinguished priest and a man of great authority and virtue, who very much favored their plan and took the affair to heart. He himself visited the Ursulines who had been established in Le Puy in the form of an uncloistered congregation for three or four years, and arranged for them to stay there during the time they would need to learn the rules.6 And he himself wrote to Monsieur Helein Lhéritier asking him to bring these four girls to Le Puy when he wished, that he had arranged for them to stay with the Ursulines, and that they must establish a convent of this order in Ambert, because, he said, it is the most useful to towns because of the instruction of the girls who come to their schools. On the eve of leaving for Le Puy, Antoinette’s father forbids her to go: The next morning, very early, without saying anything to her stepmother, she arose and woke up the other girls and their fathers, wishing to leave at the break of day, had her horse brought outside of the town and breakfasted with one of the other young ladies. This having been done and with everyone ready to mount their horses, she said good-bye to the good curé, thanking him again for everything, and then went to say good morning to her stepmother, who was still in bed, and bid her adieu. This woman got up quickly and began to shout after her, following her to stop her. But she [Antoinette] was faster, her legs were better than the other’s [her stepmother’s], and she sweetly asked the curé to go appease her so that the others would not notice anything, for fear that their plan would be delayed. This he did adeptly. 6

The Ursulines of Le Puy were a congregation of uncloistered nuns who visited the sick, but did not teach. The history of this congregation is obscure as it is not mentioned in the Chroniques of the order. It seems to have taken the rule of the Filles de Notre-Dame, a teaching congregation founded in 1606 by Jeanne de Lestonnac, not long after Antoinette’s and her companions’ stay there. See L. Christiani, La Merveilleuse histoire des premières Ursulines françaises (Paris, nd), 247 and Adam, “Antoinette Micolon.”

66

The Life of Antoinette Micolon

Etant tous hors la ville, ils montèrent à cheval, Messire Lhéritier prêtre et les trois pères des filles les conduisirent, et ils attendaient le sien. Elle leur dit qu’il était allé à la campagne, qu’il pouvait bien les attraper en chemin, qu’il fallait partir également. Car si ces messieurs eussent su qu’il ne prenait pas plaisir à cette affaire, ils eussent tout quitté et abandonné, et par ainsi il était expédient qu’elle leur donna cette excuse pour les faire marcher et se hâter de peur encore que sa marâtre ne vint, que le curé ne réussît à la retenir. Ainsi elle mit toute sa compagnie en train.

Lorsqu’ils furent proches de la ville d’Ambert, les quatre pères de ces filles se décidèrent soudainement à ne point permettre à leurs filles de se retirer ensemble dans la maison qui était destinée pour elles, jusqu’aux fêtes de Noël, et que jusqu’à ce temps chacune irait chez soi. Qu’elles ne devaient refuser ce contentement à leurs parents. A quoi Antoinette résista fort et ferme. Son père s’y opiniâtre et dit que puisqu’elle ne leur voulait accorder de bon gré cette satisfaction, et qu’il la tenait à cheval, il l’en amènerait chez lui. Elle, voyant et connaissant l’humeur de son père, ne lui contesta plus. Mais passant devant la maison qui leur avait été donnée et préparée et voyant que son père ne se méfiait point de sa soumission—il croyait sans doute que le silence de sa fille était un consentement à ce qu’il voulait—elle se jeta du cheval à terre et promptement s’y mit dans la maison. Ce que les autres voyant et étant seules à cheval en firent de même et furent toutes dans la maison assistées de leurs bons anges, plus tôt que leurs pères s’en fussent aperçus. Ces messieurs se mirent en colère lorsqu’ils virent qu’elles ne voulaient sortir pour aller chez leurs parents. Ils en prirent un tel dépit contre elles que de l’espace d’un mois, ils ne les voulurent voir ni assister d’aucune chose, se figurant que la nécessité les contraindrait à quitter tout, et défendirent à leurs femmes et prièrent leurs autres parents et amis de ne leur aider en rien.

Part One

67

When they were all outside the town, they mounted their horses, led by Monsieur Lhéritier, the priest, and the fathers of the three girls, and they waited for hers. She told them that he was in the fields, that he would catch up with them on the road, that in any case they must leave. Because if these gentlemen had known that he did not approve of this affair, they would have abandoned everything, and for that reason she had to give them this excuse to hurry them on their way, for fear that her stepmother might come, that the curé would not succeed in restraining her. So she set her company on its way. Antoinette and her companions spend two months with the Ursulines of Le Puy. Antoinette benefits from the spiritual advice of the Jesuits there, and resists the attempts of the Ursulines of Le Puy to convince her and her companions to remain with them. They return to Ambert and set up their new congregation in 1613: When they neared the town of Ambert, the four fathers of these girls suddenly decided not to allow their daughters to move into the house that had been prepared for them until the Christmas holidays, and that until then each would live in her own home, that they must not deny their parents this satisfaction. This Antoinette opposed strongly and firmly. Her father insisted and said that as she refused to agree of her own will, and since he held her on his horse, he would bring her home with him. She, recognizing her father’s mood, opposed him no more. But as they passed in front of the house that had been given to them and prepared for them and seeing that her father was not at all suspicious about her submission—he no doubt believed that his daughter’s silence marked her consent to what he wished—she threw herself from the horse onto the ground and promptly ran into the house. Seeing this, the others, who were alone on their horses, did the same and were all inside the house with the help of their guardian angels before their fathers realized it. These gentlemen were furious when they saw that their daughters would not come out and go to their parents’ houses. They were so angry with them that for a month they refused to see them or give them anything, thinking that they would be forced by necessity to give in, and forbade their wives and told their other relatives and friends not to help them in any way.

68

The Life of Antoinette Micolon

Mais cela ne réussit pas selon leurs intentions. Le Seigneur ne les abandonna pas dans leurs nécessités. Le lendemain, jour de SaintAndré, elles allèrent à la chapelle de Notre-Dame qui est au Pontel, où le bon prêtre leur dit la sainte messe et les communia. Après la communion, Antoinette renouvela son vœu de chasteté et les autres le firent et promirent pareillement de garder la pauvreté et l’obéissance. Elles firent ainsi lesdits vœux à haute voix et ledit prêtre les reçut. Cela fait, elles firent dans la même chapelle élection de l’une d’entre elles pour être supérieure. Micolon fut élue par la voix des autres trois et le prêtre confirma le tout. Cela fait, elles se retirèrent dans leur nouvelle maison où elles n’avaient rien que les quatre murailles et un lit. Une pauvre femme, la voisine, leur prêta un plat et une écuelle, et une autre un petit pot, et quelques autres femmes de la ville envoyèrent par charité quelques vivres et du bois. Et la marâtre de celle-ci et les mères des autres leur envoyèrent aussi en cachette quelques viandes, car si leurs maris l’eussent su, il y aurait eu bruit au logis. Elles couchaient toutes quatre dans un lit, n’en ayant qu’un, deux se mettaient devers le chevet et les autres deux vers les pieds. Elles passèrent tout ce premier mois dans cette grande pauvreté et disette. Le mois étant écoulé, leurs pères se laissèrent fléchir par leur persévérance et les vinrent voir, les dotèrent chacune de deux cents écus, et leur donnèrent le revenu de cet argent avec tous les meubles et lits qui leur furent nécessaires. Elles prirent une servante pour leur faire leurs commissions et affaires par la ville et commencèrent le mois échu, le second jour de l’année en 1614 de tenir des écolières et ouvrir les classes pour l’instruction des filles où toutes quatre s’employaient avec ferveur. Elle avait une grande peine en l’âme de se voir encore habillée en séculière, elle et ses compagnes, car elle voulait être religieuse ainsi qu’elle l’avait tant de fois promis à Dieu. Elle désirait fort d’être habillée en religieuse, mais elle ne savait comment cela se pourrait faire, car au Puy on ne leur avait rien dit, ni elle ne savait comment y parvenir. Un jour elle en fit ses doléances au confesseur et le pria d’examiner quel moyen on pourrait prendre pour quitter l’habit de séculière et prendre celui de religieuse et d’être cloîtrée. Elle ne pouvait, disaitelle, se résoudre de vivre comme celles du Puy, et qu’elle voulait bien être Ursuline, mais cloîtrée et habillée religieuse et que personne entre dans leur couvent.

Part One

69

But this did not succeed as they had planned. The Lord did not abandon them in their hour of need. The next day, the feast-day of St. André, they went to the chapel of Our Lady which is in Pontel, where the good priest said the holy mass for them and gave them communion. After communion, Antoinette renewed her vow of chastity and the others took this vow and also promised to observe those of poverty and obedience. They said these vows aloud and the priest received them. Having done this, they held an election in that same chapel to choose a Superior. Micolon was elected by the three others and the priest confirmed everything. After this, they retired to their new house where they had nothing but four walls and a bed. A poor neighbor woman lent them a dish and a bowl, and another a small pot, and some other women of the town sent some provisions and wood out of charity. And [Antoinette’s] stepmother and the mothers of the others secretly sent them some meat, because if their husbands had known about it there would have been trouble at home. All four of them slept in the same bed, as they had only one, with two of them facing one direction and the other two facing the other. They spent the whole first month in this great poverty and need. After the month was over, their fathers relented thanks to their perseverance and came to see them, providing each with a dowry of two hundred écus, and gave them the income from this money with all the furniture and beds that they required. They hired a servant to do their errands and business in town and when the month was over, began on the second day of the year in 1614 to enroll students and open their classes for the instruction of girls, where all four were fervently employed. She was grieved that they continued to wear secular dress, she and her companions, because she wished to be a nun as she had promised God so many times. She greatly desired to wear the clothing of a nun, but she did not know how this could be done, because at Le Puy no one had said anything to her about it, nor did she know how to achieve this. One day she complained of this to her confessor and asked him to find out how to proceed in order to leave the secular habit and take that of a nun and to become cloistered. She could not, she said, be resolved to live like those of Le Puy, and that she wished very much to be an Ursuline, but cloistered and in a religious habit and that no one should enter their convent.

70

The Life of Antoinette Micolon

Ce bon prêtre pour la contenter obtint du chapitre que ces filles pouvaient vivre ensemble et dire à haute voix dans un chœur l’office de Notre-Dame, instruire la jeunesse, et faire toutes les fonctions des Ursulines et prendre tel habit de modestie et dévotion que bon leur semblerait, donnant charge audit prêtre de les confesser et à elles de recevoir des filles en leur communauté. Cette permission vint quelques jours avant l’Ascension de Notre Seigneur de la même année 1614. Cette permission la consola un peu mais non pas tout à fait, car elle aurait voulu être vraiment religieuse et non pas à demi. Il fallut se résoudre à se contenter de cela, ne pouvant obtenir rien de plus pour le présent. C’était toujours un commencement. Le jour de l’Ascension, elles prirent leur nouvel habit dans la grande église de la ville nommée l’église de Saint-Jean. Et ce fut avec solennité, à la grand’messe qui se dit et chanta en musique avec l’orgue, et où était toute la ville. Un Minime de Chaumont fit un sermon, le curé dit la grand’messe, à la fin de laquelle Messire Lhéritier leur mit le voile sur la tête. Cela fait, on chanta un Te Deum en musique avec l’orgue, et puis elles se retirèrent dans leur maison de religion, accompagnées de leurs parents et de toute la ville en corps. Le don et talent de savoir parler de Dieu qui lui avait été départi lui fut redoublé après qu’elle fut revêtue de ce nouvel habit. Et elle s’en acquittait avec une telle efficace que tous ceux qui l’entendaient parler en étaient tout émerveillés. Et entre autre un père Capucin qui la vint voir, qui se nommait le Père Just, qui dit qu’elle ne pouvait discourir des choses spirituelles avec cette facilité, cette éloquence, qu’il n’y eût en elle une grâce extraordinaire, que cela venait plus de l’Esprit divin que de l’humain. Son zèle pour la gloire de Dieu et le salut des âmes lui faisait assembler dans une grande basse-cour tous les dimanches cinquante ou soixante paysannes qui venaient à la ville pour entendre la sainte Messe de paroisse après laquelle elles venaient avec empressement entendre les bonnes instructions qu’elle leur donnait. Et pour se mieux faire entendre, elle montait un peu haut où, étant sur un siège, elle leur parlait au langage du pays et leur enseignait les moyens de faire leur salut et de parvenir au Ciel, leur apprenant à connaître le Créateur de toutes choses, leur disant que Dieu savait et voyait tout ce qu’elles faisaient et ce qu’elles pensaient, et qu’il avait le pouvoir de les punir

Part One

71

To please her, the good priest obtained permission from the chapter for the girls to live together and recite the office of Our Lady in the choir, to instruct the young, and to perform all the functions of Ursulines and to take take whatever habit of modesty and devotion that seemed fitting to them, entrusting this priest with the charge of confessing them and the girls with receiving new members into their community. This permission came a few days before Ascension Day of that same year 1614. This permission consoled her somewhat but not completely, because she would have liked to be a true nun and not halfway. They had to be content with this, as they could obtain nothing more for the present. It was at least a beginning. On Ascension Day, they put on their new habit in the town’s great church, called the Church of St. Jean. And this was done solemnly, during the high mass which was said and sung accompanied by the organ, and with the whole town in attendance. A Minim father from Chaumont gave a sermon, the curé said the high mass, at the end of which Monsieur Lhéritier placed the veils on their heads. After this was done, a Te Deum was sung accompanied by the organ, and then they retired to their religious house, accompanied by their families and the whole town. The gift and talent for being able to speak of God which had been granted to her was redoubled after she had donned this new habit. And she used it so effectively that all who heard her speak were completely amazed by it. And among others a Capucin father who came to see her, named Father Just, who said that she could not speak of spiritual things with such facility, such eloquence, unless she had a special gift, that this came more from the divine Spirit than from the human. Her zeal for the glory of God and for the salvation of souls led her to gather together in a large barnyard every Sunday fifty or sixty peasant women who came to the town to hear the holy Mass of the parish, after which they eagerly came to hear the good instructions that she gave them. And to make herself better heard, she raised herself up where, standing on a chair, she spoke to them in the local dialect and taught them the means of achieving their salvation and of reaching Heaven, teaching them to know the Creator of all things, telling them that God knew and saw all that they did and thought, and that he had the power to punish them

72

The Life of Antoinette Micolon

et les envoyer en enfer, lorqu’elles l’offensaient par de grands péchés, et aussi de les récompenser de leurs bonnes œuvres en leur donnant le paradis pour y être heureuses, leur apprenait à se bien confesser et à communier, leur enseignant que le jour qu’elles voulaient recevoir Jésus-Christ par la Communion, qu’il fallait n’avoir rien mangé depuis minuit, ce que plusieurs ne savaient pas, et quelques-unes s’excusant sur ce qu’elles étaient éloignées d’une lieue, elles avouaient qu’elles déjeunaient avant que de venir pour faire la sainte Communion, ne croyant pas faire du mal. Elle les instruisait pareillement à se bien comporter dans leur ménage et vis-à-vis leurs maris, leurs domestiques et leurs voisins, et leur parlait très pertinemment sur tous les maux qu’elles pouvaient commettre dans leur état, soit le négoce, le labourage et autres choses de cette nature, pour s’y bien comporter, ne faire tort à personne. Il paraissait que Dieu lui mettait les paroles en bouche tant elles étaient à propos et efficaces pour le salut de ces pauvres paysannes. Elle continua ces instructions environ neuf mois, jusqu’à ce qu’elle s’en alla à Clermont. Son zèle s’étendait aussi sur les filles et les femmes de la ville qui devinrent par ses avis d’idiotes et indévotes qu’elles étaient, très pieuses et bien instruites des vérités de la foi et du salut. Et n’ayant accoutumé que de communier deux fois l’année, elles le firent ci-après, au moins la plupart, tous les mois et d’autres tous les 15 jours. Elle était leur guide pour l’oraison mentale, en faisant venir dans leur maison tous les jours une vingtaine ou trente auxquelles elle donnait un sujet de méditation, leur expliquant la manière d’y réfléchir. Elle et ses compagnes étaient les guides des femmes et filles de la ville pour les choses spirituelles et pratiques de dévotion et de toutes sortes de vertus chrétiennes. De sorte qu’à vue d’œil on vit dans moins d’un an cette ville et paroisse toute changée en mieux. Et dans la suite plusieurs filles se firent religieuses Ursulines dans ledit couvent.

Ce religieux était Ambert cette année-là pour prêcher le carême. Il commença par proférer des paroles fâcheuses contre elle et contre ses filles et à détourner les filles qui avaient envie de se rendre parmi elles et à dissuader les personnes de la ville de les fréquenter et les visiter. Ceci la

Part One

73

and send them to hell, when they offended him with great sins, and also to reward them for their good works by giving them paradise where they would be happy, teaching them to make a good confession and to take communion, teaching them that on the day that they wished to receive Jesus Christ through communion they must not eat anything after midnight, which many of them did not know, and some, making the excuse that they lived more than a league away, admitted that they ate before coming to take Holy Communion, not thinking they did anything wrong. She likewise instructed them to behave well in their household and towards their husbands, their servants and their neighbors, and spoke to them very meaningfully about all the evils they could commit in their estate, whether it be in trade, farming or other things of this nature, to behave well, doing no wrong to anyone. It seemed that God put the words in her mouth, so appropriate and efficacious were they for the salvation of these poor peasant women. She continued these lessons for about nine months, until she went to Clermont. Her zeal extended as well to the girls and women of the town who were transformed through her counsel from the ignorant and undevout women that they had been into very pious women knowledgeable about the truths of the faith and of salvation. And though they were unaccustomed to taking communion more than two times a year, after this they took it, at least most of them, every month and some every two weeks. She was their guide in mental prayer, bringing to their house every day twenty or thirty of them to whom she gave a subject for meditation, explaining to them the way to reflect on it. She and her companions served as guides to the women and girls of the town regarding spiritual things and devotional practices and about all sorts of Christian virtues. So that in less than a year this town and parish was seen to be completely changed for the better. And after this many girls became Ursulines in that convent. The new congregation meets with opposition from a visiting preacher: [A] monk was in Ambert that year to preach the Lenten sermons. He began by offering angry words against [Antoinette] and against her daughters to deter the girls who wished to join them and to dissuade the people of the town to call upon or visit them. This

74

The Life of Antoinette Micolon

touchait fort, et encore plus les paroles qu’il dit à plusieurs personnes de la ville, qu’il valait mieux attacher une pierre au col de leurs filles et les jeter dans la rivière que de les associer avec celles-ci. Ce Père étant prédicateur du carême et était aussi un homme très austère, cela aurait pu donner encore plus de poids au préjugé qu’il inspirait contre ces pauvres filles, parlant comme une personne inspirée de Dieu. Il arriva en effet que ce religieux ayant achevé ses prédications s’en alla après les fêtes de Pâques et tous les propos désavantageux qu’il avait tenus contre cette petite congrégation et sur celles qui la composaient, tout le suivit et disparut avec lui, il en demeura aucun vestige, car tout le monde de la ville les affectionnait encore plus qu’avant, les estimant d’avoir ainsi enduré de telles attaques sans former de plainte contre lui.

Elle fut reçue de la ville et de son oncle en particulier, avec toutes les démonstrations d’une sincère bienveillance et grand contentement d’un chacun et spécialement de ces trois bonnes filles qui avaient pratiqué deux ans la règle du tiers ordre de Saint-François, dans le désir de se faire Ursulines. Et pour cet effet s’étaient exercées à s’instruire elles-mêmes, ayant appris dans l’espace de six mois à lire et à écrire par l’aide de quelques petites écolières, lesquelles furent dans la suite religieuses dans ledit monastère de Sainte-Ursule de Clermont. Quant à ces trois filles, sitôt qu’elles furent un peu savants dans l’art de la lecture et écriture, elles dès lors commençaient d’exercer leurs petits talents, ayant pris quelques enfants qu’elles instruisaient gratuitement avec beaucoup de zèle, dont toute la ville était très édifiée. Elles ne laissèrent pas que de se réjouir de l’arrivée de la Mère Micolon pour se joindre à elle pour être ses filles, ayant soupiré depuis deux ans après le bonheur d’être religieuses Ursulines. Elles furent donc avec le plus vif empressement se loger toutes ensemble dans la maison préparée. Et ladite Mère Micolon les mit tout de suite dans l’exercice de l’Institut des Ursulines, faisant ouvrir les classes et recevoir des pensionnaires, animant ses compagnes d’un nouveau zèle. La Mère Micolon dont le principal dessein en venant à Clermont étant de se faire religieuse Ursuline cloîtrée, s’occupait sans cesse des

Part One

75

upset her a great deal, and still more the words that he said to many people in the town, that it would be better to hang a stone around their daughters’ necks and throw them in the river than to allow them to associate with these women. That this father was the Lenten preacher and a very austere man may have given still more weight to the bias he inspired against these poor girls, speaking as a person inspired by God. In fact, this monk, having completed his sermons, left after the Easter holidays and all the negative things that he had maintained against this little congregation and against those who composed it, all this followed and disappeared with him, there remained no vestige of it, because everyone in the town loved them even more than before, admiring them for having endured such attacks without complaining. At the request of her uncle, Antoinette goes to Clermont in June 1615 to establish a congregation of Ursulines there, only eighteen months after founding the Ambert congregation: She was received by the town, and by her uncle in particular, with all the marks of sincere good will and the great happiness of everyone and especially of the three girls who had for two years practiced the rule of the third order of St. Francis, in the hope of becoming Ursulines. And to that end they had worked to instruct each other, having learned in a span of six months to read and write with the help of a few schoolgirls who later became nuns in the Ursuline convent of Clermont. As for the three girls, as soon as they had learned how to read and write a little, they began to use the knowledge that they had, having taken on a few children whom they instructed for free with much zeal, which greatly enlightened the whole town. They interrupted their rejoicing at the arrival of Mère Micolon only to join with her to be her daughters, having hoped for two years for the good fortune to become Ursuline nuns. They quickly moved into the house that had been made ready for them. And Mère Micolon immediately had them begin the exercise of the Ursuline Institute, opening classes and receiving boarders, animating her companions with a new zeal. Mère Micolon, whose main purpose for coming to Clermont was to become a cloistered Ursuline nun, was constantly occupied

76

The Life of Antoinette Micolon

moyens d’y parvenir qui dépendaient de l’Evêque de Clermont qui était lors Monsieur Joachim d’Estaing, qui lui avait témoigné lui vouloir être favorable pour l’exécution de son dessein. Mais la contradiction qui la suivait partout retarda l’issue de ses projets. Le susdit Evêque partit donc pour ce long voyage qu’il avait à faire et chargea son Grand Vicaire de prendre soin en son absence desdites filles. Mais hélas, il ne leur fut pas favorable. Il semblait qu’il était plus porté à détruire le projet de la Mère Micolon qu’à contribuer à l’édifier, et toute sa façon d’agir tendait à contrecarrer tout ce que la Mère disait ou faisait. Le retour de Monseigneur l’Evêque les réjouissait, d’autant plus qu’elles croyaient et espéraient de voir bientôt leurs désirs accomplis. Le diable, jaloux des fruits que devaient produire de si beaux commencements, fit tous ses efforts pour empêcher la fondation du monastère, suscita ces personnes de considération pour détourner Monseigneur de permettre cet établissement, et on réussit à lui faire rétracter sa promesse. De façon que quand elle fit de nouveau représenter à sa Grandeur le désir qu’elle et ses filles avaient de recevoir de sa main l’habit et le voile de religion et d’établir leur maison en monastère sous clôture, ainsi qu’il le leur avait fait espérer et selon le dessein de ladite Mère Micolon, qui avait quitté sa communauté d’Ambert pour venir établir celle de Clermont, le prélat répartit qu’il avait déterminé à n’en rien faire, leur permettant seulement de vivre en façon de filles congrégées, d’exercer les fonctions d’Ursulines. Ceci l’affligea fort mais ne découragea pas son cœur généreux qui ne négligea rien pour parvenir à ce qu’elle désirait. Ce ne lui était pas nouveau d’éprouver des traverses, et elles servaient à renforcer toute sa confiance en Dieu. Mais comme elle agissait par conseil de personnes capables de la bien guider, elle ne voulut pas laisser ignorer ceci au Père Recteur des Jésuites de Billom pour prendre ses avis. Ce bon Père lui marquait des paroles de consolation et l’exhortait à bien redoubler sa confiance en la bonté de Dieu et à persévérer. Que l’heure que le Seigneur avait marquée pour l’accomplissement de cette œuvre viendrait infailliblement, et qu’elle pouvait employer les personnes qui avaient du crédit auprès de Monseigneur. La Mère Micolon manda le Révérend Père Minime prédicateur. Ce Père la consola de son mieux, l’encourageant à persévérer, lui remontrant que tous ces obstacles et contradictions étaient un signe évident que Dieu présidait en cette affaire, qu’il y aurait bonne issue,

Part One

77

with how to achieve this, which depended on the Bishop of Clermont, who was then Monsieur Joachim d’Estaing, who had told her he looked upon this intention with favor. But the obstacles that followed her everywhere delayed the completion of her plans. This bishop then left on a long voyage that he had to make and charged his Vicar-General with the care of these girls in his absence. But alas, he was not among their supporters. It seemed that he was more inclined to destroy Mère Micolon’s project than to help build it, and everything he did served to thwart whatever the Mère said or did. They rejoiced at the return of the bishop, even more because they believed and hoped that they would soon see their desires achieved. The devil, jealous of the fruits that such good beginnings might produce, did everything he could to stop the foundation of the convent and inspired some important people to dissuade the bishop from permitting the establishment, and they succeeded in making him retract his promise. So that when she again approached his grace with the desire she and her daughters had to receive the habit and veil of religion from his hand and to establish their house as a cloistered convent, as he had led them to hope and according to the plan of Mère Micolon, who had left her community in Ambert to come establish the one in Clermont, the prelate replied that he had decided to do nothing about it, permitting them only to live as congrégées, and to exercise the functions of Ursulines. This greatly troubled her but did not discourage her generous heart which would stop at nothing to attain what she desired. It was nothing new for her to experience setbacks, and they served to reinforce her faith in God. But as she was following the advice of capable guides, she did not wish to leave the Rector of the Jesuits of Billom unaware of this and sought his advice. The good father consoled her and encouraged her to have more faith in the goodness of God and to persevere. That the time that the Lord had chosen for the accomplishment of this work would certainly come, and that she could make use of people who had influence with the Bishop. Mère Micolon wrote to the Minim preacher. This father consoled her as best he could, encouraging her to persevere, reminding her that all these obstacles and contradictions were an obvious sign that God presided over the affair, that there would be a positive out-

78

The Life of Antoinette Micolon

qu’elle devait demeurer tranquille et ferme et qu’il s’en allait de ce pas trouver Monseigneur l’Evêque dans son évêché et qu’il ne bougerait de ses pieds qu’il ne lui eût accordé sa première parole. Et avant que de lui parler, il fut implorer l’aide de Madame d’Estaing et de Messieurs ses frères, ainsi que de Madame la Comtesse de Lude qui était pour lors à Clermont. Et après avoir tiré d’eux une parole d’assistance pour cette affaire, il les pria de se rendre avec lui dans la salle de l’évêché. Il se jette aux pieds dudit Evêque et lui dit: “Monseigneur, je viens d’apprendre que vous avez rétracté votre parole que vous m’aviez donnée de recevoir religieuse la nièce de Monsieur Tourillon avec ses compagnes. J’ai fait une forte résolution de ne me retirer de vos pieds que vous ne m’ayez repromis que vous la recevrez avec lesdites compagnes.” Et à sa prière se joignit celle des personnes ci-dessus nommées, qui étaient des personnes de grande autorité et puissantes. Tout cela fit que Monseigneur se laissa fléchir, ne pouvant résister à tant de supplications, et le Saint-Esprit lui toucha le cœur. Il redonna au Père Minime sa parole pour les recevoir sans faillir le dimanche de Quasimodo qui était à quinze jours de là et cela dans l’église des Carmes à sept heures du matin. Le dimanche de Quasimodo venu, Madame d’Estaing avec Monsieur d’Obière, qui furent parrain et marraine de la Mère Micolon, accompagnés des principaux de la ville la vinrent prendre avec ses compagnes dans leur maison pour les conduire à l’église des Carmes. Les autres six avaient pour parrains et marraines les plus qualifiés de la ville. Etant arrivé dans l’église susdite où Monseigneur les attendait, il commença solennellement la grand’messe et pendant icelle fit toutes les cérémonies comme sont marquées dans le Pontifical à la consécration des vierges. A l’épître, les trois premières prirent l’habit de novice et à la fin de la messe firent leur profession, en la présence du Très Saint-Sacrement, entre les mains de Monseigneur, faisant les trois vœux de pauvreté, chasteté et obéissance, suivant la formule dressée. Et ensuite, Monseigneur donna l’habit aux autres quatre postulantes et la permission de dire l’office au chœur en public selon le concile de Trente leur fut donnée. La cérémonie étant donc finie, ce fut avec un merveilleux contentement qu’elles se retirèrent en leur maison, accompagnées de cette honorable assemblée et du Père Minime qui avait assisté à tout et les avait confessées toutes ce même matin ayant exprès

Part One

79

come, that she should remain calm and firm, and that he would go himself to find the Bishop in his see and that he would not budge until he had agreed to keep his earlier promise. And before speaking to him, he would ask for the help of Madame d’Estaing7 and her brothers, as well as the Comtesse de Lude, who were then in Clermont. And after having obtained their promise of help in this affair, he asked them to accompany him to the Bishop’s chamber. He threw himself at the feet of the Bishop and said to him, “Your Grace, I have just learned that you have retracted the word you had given me to receive as nuns the niece of MonsieurTorrillon and her companions. I have resolved not to get up from your feet until you have promised that you will receive her with her companions.” And to his request was joined that of the people of power and influence named above. All this caused the Bishop to relent, being unable to resist so many entreaties, and the Holy Spirit touched his heart. He again gave his word to the Minim Father that he would receive them without fail on Low Sunday, which was two weeks away, in the church of the Carmelite friars at seven o’clock in the morning. When Low Sunday arrived, Madame d’Estaing with Monsieur d’Obière, who were godfather and godmother to Mère Micolon, accompanied by the town notables, came to take her and her companions from their house to the church of the Carmelite friars. The other six had the most respected people of the town for godfathers and godmothers. When they arrived at the church where the Bishop awaited them, he solemnly began the high mass and during it performed all the ceremonies that are described in the Pontifical for the consecration of virgins. During the epistle, the first three took the veil of novice and at the end of the mass made their profession, in the presence of the Holy Sacrament, at the hands of Bishop, taking the three vows of poverty, chastity and obedience, following the proper formula. And then the bishop gave the veil to four other postulants and permission to say the divine office in the choir for the public, according to the Council of Trent. When the ceremony was over, it was with great pleasure that they retired to their house, accompanied by this honorable assembly and by the Minim Father who had been present through all of this and who had had heard their confessions that same morning having 7

The mother of the bishop (Pourrat 114).

80

The Life of Antoinette Micolon

séjourné à Clermont après les fêtes de Pâques. Et avec la bénédiction du Grand Vicaire, elle se ferma avec ses chères compagnes dans leur dite maison. La Mère Antoinette, se voyant en cette place et revêtue du saint habit de religion, mit la main à l’œuvre, fit faire dès le lendemain un parloir pour parler à l’avenir aux séculiers à travers une grille. Le Seigneur la conduisit en cela, car elle en avait jamais vu de modèle dans les maisons religieuses où elle avait demeuré, ni à Sainte-Fleurine ni au Puy, qui n’était alors que congrégées. La porte de ce nouveau monastère fut ainsi fermée à tout le monde, excepté aux filles pensionnaires et aux classes qui allaient toujours en augmentant. S’occupant sans cesse des moyens de bien établir sa maison et former ses filles à la vie religieuse, elle était fort en peine de ce qu’elle n’avait point de règle ni de constitution. Et le pis était qu’elle ne savait où en prendre. Et toutes les fois qu’elle entendait parler ou qu’elle trouvait dans les livres ce mot de règles et constitutions, elle était en inquiétude de savoir à qui s’adresser et ne l’osait demander à personne. Elle savait qu’il fallait que les religions eussent des règles et elle voyait que si elle eut fait telle question, elle aurait fait savoir qu’elle était dépourvue de règle. Elle ne disait pas sa peine, même à ses filles, qu’elle entretenait avec ferveur dans les observances régulières qu’elle leur avait prescrites, se levant à quatre heures et se couchant à neuf, le dîner était à 10 heures et un quart et le souper à six heures, faisant une heure d’oraison le matin, deux fois l’examen de conscience, qui était ce qu’elle avait pratiqué Ambert, et faisait dire l’office aux mêmes heures qu’il se disait aux églises. Et pour ce qui concernait la pratique des vertus chrétiennes et religieuses, principalement la charité, l’humilité, la recollection, etc., le Saint-Esprit l’avait instruite sur tout cela, et ainsi que les Pères de la Compagnie de Jésus. Elle ne manquait pas d’inspirer à ses filles l’amour et la pratique de ces belles vertus. Quelques jours avant les fêtes de Pâques, elle avait écrit au Révérend Père Recteur de Billom pour lui annoncer le jour de leur vêture et pour lui demander de lui dresser une forme de vie, qu’elle entendait demander pour son particulier, conformément à ses dispositions intérieures dont il avait une entière connaissance, autant que son directeur ordinaire. Et Dieu voulut et permit que ce bon Père crût qu’elle lui demandait des règles pour toute la maison. La sainte affection qu’il avait de l’assister en tout fit qu’il se mit à travailler à lui dresser des

Part One

81

for this purpose stayed on in Clermont after the Easter holidays. And with the blessing of the Vicar-General, she shut herself along with her dear companions up in their house. Mère Antoinette, being now in that place and dressed in the holy habit of religion, set to work, the next day set up a parlor to be used in the future to speak to lay people through a grill. The Lord guided her in this, because she had never seen a model for it in the religious houses where she had stayed, neither at Sainte-Fleurine, nor in Le Puy, which was then only an uncloistered congregation. Thus the door of the new monastery was closed to the world, except to the boarders and to the classes which continued to grow. As her constant concern was to find the means to establish her house well and to train her daughters in the religious life, she was greatly troubled because she had no rule or constitutions. And the worst thing was that she did not know where to find any. And every time she heard about or found in books the words rules and constitutions, she was anxious to know whom to approach and did not dare to ask anyone. She knew that religious orders must have rules and she knew that if she had asked such a question, she would have revealed that she had no rule. She said nothing of her difficulty, even to her daughters, whom she fervently maintained in the regular observances that she had prescribed for them: rising at four o’clock and going to bed at nine; dinner was at a quarter past ten and supper at six o’clock; praying for an hour in the morning; examining their consciences twice, which had been her practice in Ambert; and holding services at the same hours as in churches. And as for the practice of Christian and religious virtues, especially charity, humility, recollection, etc., the Holy Spirit had instructed her on all this, and likewise the Jesuit Fathers. She did not fail to inspire in her daughters the love for and practice of these fine virtues. A few days before the Easter holidays, she had written to the Rector of the Jesuits of Billom to inform him of the day they were to take the veil and to ask him to draw up some rules to live by, which she intended for her own use, in conformity with her internal state with which he was completely familiar, even more than was her ordinary director. And God wished and allowed this good Father to believe that she was asking him for rules for the whole house. His blessed desire to help her in all things led him to take up the work of drawing

82

The Life of Antoinette Micolon

règles, et comme il lui fallait du temps pour cela, elles ne purent être sitôt prêtes. Sur ces entrefaites l’Archevêque de Lyon vint à Clermont au chapitre des Cordeliers pour quelques affaires. C’était un prélat fort pieux qui avait aussi établi des Ursulines à Lyon, qui n’étaient encore que congrégées, et avaient leur habit séculier, comme celle-ci était avant que d’être reçue pour religieuse. Cet Archevêque la fut voir pour s’informer de leur manière de vivre et lui demanda une copie de leurs règles et constitutions pour les faire observer à celles de Lyon. Il s’informa de ladite Supérieure comment elle avait fait pour parvenir à être religieuse. Elle lui repartit succinctement que Monseigneur l’Evêque de Clermont leur avait accordé cette faveur de les recevoir et leur avait donné l’habit religieux selon les cérémonies du Pontifical romain. Entendant cela, il lui demande une copie de leur bulle. Elle, le voyant si pieux et dévot, lui confessa librement qu’elles en avaient point, mais qu’elle s’était bien gardée d’en parler à Monseigneur, que sans doute il ne les aurait pas reçues, et que, heureusement, il ne leur avait point demandé leur bulle, et qu’elle ne lui en avait rien dit, croyant qu’il devait savoir son office. “Vous avez raison, ma fille,” lui dit l’Archevêque, “allez, vous avez de l’esprit et avez très bien fait. S’il y a de la faute, elle est à Monsieur l’Evêque et non pas à vous, mais à présent tâchez de vous procurer une bulle du Saint-Père. Je m’offre en tout ce que je pourrai à cet égard.” Comme en effet il en fit les premières ouvertures. Il lui dit de plus qu’elle reçût des filles et prît d’elles des dotations pour renter la maison. Il l’encouragea fort à la persévérance et à être fidèle à Dieu, et pour conclusion lui redemanda une copie de leurs règles et constitutions pour les faire voir et observer à leurs sœurs de Lyon, ou pour le moins qu’elle les lui fit voir. Mais elle, n’osant avouer comme de la bulle qu’elle n’en avait point, sachant qu’il était nécessaire d’en avoir, elle eut recours à Dieu au fond de son cœur, le priant de lui inspirer ce qu’elle avait à répondre pour le satisfaire. Elle lui [dit]: “Monseigneur, je le ferais très volontiers plus qu’à nulle autre personne du monde, si je les avais maintenant céans. Mais elles sont entre les mains du Père Recteur du collège des Jésuites de Billom.” Et de vrai il les avait, les dressant sans qu’elle le sût. L’Archevêque prit cette raison en paiement et demeura satisfait d’elle, lui offrit de nouveau des services.

Part One

83

up rules for her, and since he did not have much time for this, it promised to be a while before they were ready. Meanwhile the Archbishop of Lyon came to the chapter house of the Cordeliers in Clermont on some business. He was a very pious prelate who had also established the Ursulines in Lyon, who were still only lay sisters and wore a secular habit, as she had before being received as a nun. The Archbishop came to see her to find out about their way of life and asked her for a copy of their rules and constitutions so that they might be observed by those in Lyon. He inquired of this Superior what she had done in order to become a nun. She replied succinctly that His Grace the Bishop of Clermont had granted them the favor of receiving them and had given them the religious habit according to the ceremonies in the Roman Pontifical. Upon hearing this, he asked her for a copy of their bull. Seeing that he was so pious and devout, she freely confessed that they had none, but that she had refrained from speaking of it to His Grace, that no doubt he would not have received them, and that, happily, he had never asked them for their bull, and that she had said nothing to him, trusting him to know his office. “You are right, my daughter,” the Archbishop told her, “go, you are clever and have done well. If anyone is at fault, it is the bishop and not you, but for now try to procure a bull from the Holy Father. I will do whatever I can in this regard.” And in fact he helped lay the groundwork for this. He also told her she might receive girls and use their dowries to endow the house. He encouraged her to persevere and be faithful to God, and in conclusion asked again for a copy of their rules and constitutions so as to show them to and have them observed by their sisters in Lyon, or at least that she show them to him. But she, not daring to reveal as she had with the bull that she had none, knowing that it was necessary to have them, she appealed to God in her heart, asking him to tell her what to respond in order to satisfy him. She told him: “Your Grace, I would gladly give them to you, more than to anyone else in the world, if I had them here now. But they are in the hands of the Rector of the Jesuit college in Billom.” And he did in fact have them, as he was drawing them up without her knowledge. The Archbishop accepted this answer and remained pleased with her, again offering her his services.

II La Mère Antoinette Micolon arriva à Tulle le quatre de septembre en 1618 un mardi après dîner. Monsieur le Lieutenant Général et toute la ville nous reçurent, dit-elle, avec grand appareil et honneur et fûmes placées dans une maison de louage que puis après j’achetais, où on avait mis quelque peu de meubles. Et la ville nous donna cent écus pour la première année et puis trois ans de suite vingt livres chaque année. Ayant donc pris possession de notre nouvelle maison, je fis chanter un Laudate Dominum en action de grâce et reçus avec civilité ceux qui nous venaient visiter. Les jours suivants, je me mis en devoir de faire orner la chapelle pour le jour de Notre-Dame de Septembre. Elle le fut en effet et la première messe y fut dite, c’était un samedi, 4 jours après notre arrivée, selon mon désir, par Monsieur de La Tour, Grand Vicaire, qui me fut plus favorable que celui de Clermont. Tout le chapitre en corps y assista, on fit la procession et le Saint-Sacrement y fut posé, ce qui me fut une grande consolation. Je travaillai à faire faire des parloirs et des portes, et dans 15 jours la clôture y fut ordonnée. Personne plus n’entrait chez nous. Il nous semblait être en paradis, quoique je n’eusse que la maison fermée, car notre jardin n’était clos que d’une haie. Je commençai donc à ordonner nos petites affaires et me voyant assez seule, n’étant que trois et une fille que j’avais amenée pour être sœur domestique se nomma Sœur Marthe. Je fis venir dans la suite 3 filles d’Auvergne que je reçus pour bien peu de choses. Le bon Père Jean-Baptiste y étant encore nous assistait et nous confessa. Aux quatre temps de septembre, Monseigneur l’Evêque y vint pour donner les ordres dans notre chapelle pour nous honorer et me confirma, car je ne l’étais pas encore. Et ce fut au sacrement de confirmation que je pris le nom de Sœur Colombe du Saint-Esprit duquel je me signe et me suis nommée du depuis. Auparavant, je ne me signais que Sœur Antoinette Micolon.

84

After numerous confrontations and power struggles with the VicarGeneral, who sows dissension in the convent, Mère Micolon leaves Clermont to establish an Ursuline house in Tulle.

Part Two Mère Antoinette Micolon arrived in Tulle on the fourth of September in 1618 on a Tuesday after dinner. The Lieutenant General and the whole town received us, she said, with great pomp and honor and we were placed in a rented house that I later bought, where a bit of furniture had been placed. And the town gave us a hundred écus for the first year and twenty livres a year for the next three years. Having thus taken possession of our new house, I had a Laudate Dominum sung in thanksgiving and courteously received those who came to visit us. In the days that followed, I made it my duty to have the chapel decorated for the feast day of Our Lady of September. I was able to achieve this and the first mass was said there, on a Saturday, four days after our arrival, according to my wishes, by Monsieur de La Tour, the Vicar-General, who was more favorably inclined towards me than the one in Clermont. The whole chapter was in attendance, a procession was held and the Holy Sacrament was placed there, which was a great consolation to me. I worked to have parlors and doors made, and in two weeks cloister was established. No one entered our house any more. It seemed to us that we were in paradise, although only the house was enclosed, because our garden was surrounded only by a hedge. I then began to put our small affairs in order and finding myself quite alone, as there were only three of us and a girl that I had brought to be a servant called Sister Marthe. I later sent for three girls from the Auvergne whom I received for very little. The good Father Jean-Baptiste, who stayed on, helped us and took our confessions. On the Ember Days of September, the Bishop came to perform the sacraments in our chapel to honor us and confirmed me, because I had not been before. And it was during the sacrament of confirmation that I took the name Sœur Colombe du Saint-Esprit with which I sign my name and which I have been called ever since. Before this I only signed my name Sœur Antoinette Micolon. 85

86

The Life of Antoinette Micolon

Ce sacrement et ce nouveau nom me combla de joie en l’âme et de courage au cœur. Je priai Monseigneur l’Evêque de recevoir la Sœur Pacifique à sa profession, ce qu’il fit sans difficulté. Et son Grand Vicaire dans la suite par l’autorité dudit Seigneur reçut les autres. Ce bon prélat nous visita, nous offrit toute assistance, nous assurant de sa protection et nous donna pour confesseur un Chanoine nommé Messire Pierre Baluse. Jouissant de ces consolations, le diable, mon ennemi, en fut envieux, et il fit en sorte par toutes les voies possibles de troubler mon repos, et l’eût fait si Dieu ne m’en eut préservée. Ce fut le même jour que cette sœur eut fait sa profession qu’il vint un religieux feuillant nous rendre visite. Je ne pus aller au parloir pour quelques affaires où j’étais occupée. J’y envoyai cette religieuse. Je ne sais si ce Père désapprouvait notre établissement ou s’il le disait sans malice, mais il lui dit qu’elle n’était pas religieuse, que ses vœux n’étaient pas vœux de religion. Il dit ceci devant deux demoiselles de la ville qui étaient avec lui au parloir, lesquelles ne furent pas sitôt dehors que le bruit fut par toute la ville que nous n’avions pas de bulle et n’étions pas religieuses. Cela me causa de grandes inquiétudes, tant il est vrai qu’une parole est quelquefois pire qu’un coup de bâton. Et en effet, celle-ci fut suivie de beaucoup d’autres très désavantageuses, qui nous retardèrent un peu. Je ne perdis pourtant pas courage. Cette nouvelle professe avait été fort troublée de tout ce que ce Père feuillant lui avait dit, étant d’un naturel un peu timide, de façon que j’eus assez de peine à la tranquilliser. Et du reste je tâchais de mettre à tout le meilleur ordre qu’il m’était possible, faisant commencer à dire l’Office au chœur le jour de Saint-Michel qui était dans le premier mois de notre arrivée à Tulle. Ceci plut aux gens de la ville, qui en furent édifiés et cela apaisa un peu le bruit et discours que l’on tenait sur notre compte qui ne laissait pas de se renouveler de temps en temps. Notre confesseur qui était ce chanoine me vint demander de voir nos règles et constitutions afin de mieux savoir notre institut. Me voilà bien en peine, n’en ayant point, et je ne savais guère ce que c’était que constitutions n’en ayant jamais vu. Etant dans cette perplexité d’esprit, ne sachant que lui répondre, car de lui dire que nous n’en avions point, il était homme assez absolu pour y trouver à redire, je fus inspirée de lui répondre de cette sorte: “Monsieur,” lui dis-je, “nous avons des règles et constitutions pour contenter et rassasier tous les curieux de Tulle, mais non pas pour les faire voir à

Part Two

87

This sacrament and new name filled my soul with joy and my heart with courage. I asked the Bishop to receive Sister Pacifique as a nun, which he readily did. And later his Vicar-General, by the authority of His Grace, received the others. This good prelate visited us, offered us every assistance, assuring us of his protection and gave us a canon named Monsieur Pierre Baluse for our confessor. Seeing us enjoy these consolations, the devil, my enemy, became envious and tried in every way possible to disturb my peace, and would have succeeded if God had not protected me. On the same day that this Sister took her vows a Feuillant monk came to visit us. I was unable to go to the parlor due to some business I was occupied with. I sent this nun in my place. I do not know whether this Father disapproved of our establishment or if he said it without malice, but he told her that she was not a nun, that her vows were not vows of religion. He said this in front of two young ladies from the town who were with him in the parlor, who had no sooner left than the rumor spread throughout the town that we had no bull and were not nuns. This caused me great worry, how true it is that words are sometimes worse than blows. And in fact, these were followed by many other very hurtful ones which delayed us a bit. But I did not lose heart. The new nun had been greatly troubled by what the Feuillant father had told her, being of a slightly timid character, so that I had difficulty calming her down. And as for the rest I tried to put everything in the best order that I could, and we began to say the Office in the choir on the feast-day of St. Michel which was within a month after our arrival in Tulle. This pleased the people of the town, who were edified by it and it alleviated a bit the rumors and talk about us which continued to arise from time to time. Our confessor, the canon, came to me and asked to see our rules and constitutions, so as to better know our Institute. Imagine my difficulty since we did not have any, and I hardly knew what constitutions were, never having seen any. In my confusion, not knowing how to respond, because if I told him that we did not have any he was a man who was strict enough to find fault in this, I was inspired to respond to him in the following manner: “Sir,” I said to him, “we have rules and constitutions to content and satisfy all the curious people of Tulle, but not to show to anyone who, inspired

88

The Life of Antoinette Micolon

tous ceux qui poussés du même esprit les demandent. Ne savez-vous pas, Monsieur, que les règles des maisons religieuses sont choses secrètes et je ne peux les communiquer sans un exprès commandement de Monseigneur l’Evêque.” Sachant bien qu’il ne me ferait pas un tel commandement. Cette réponse arrêta tout court le confesseur qui craignait m’avoir fâchée. Il s’en excusa. Je fus pour ce coup délivrée de mon embarras. Je compris dans cette occasion que ce monsieur était une personne à vouloir s’ingérer dans toutes nos affaires. Ce fut pourquoi je lui tenais bon en toute rencontre, ne lui accordant d’autre autorité que ce que le Sacrement de confession exigeait. Nos sœurs disaient quelquefois en récréation par plaisanterie que je faisais faire à notre confesseur son noviciat et qu’il serait tôt capable de faire sa profession. Et dans la suite du temps, elles m’ont dit souvent qu’il était meilleur novice que profès, voulant me dire que je ne le tenais plus de si court comme au commencement. De là j’ai tiré une conjecture que pour les supérieures de SainteUrsule qui dépendent de l’ordinaire de ne donner à leurs confesseurs d’autre autorité dans le monastère que celle qui regarde le Tribunal. Et pour moi je me suis toujours bien trouvée quand je me suis comportée de cette sorte vis-à-vis les confesseurs ordinaires, et très mal et la maison aussi quand je leur ai voulu donner quelque autorité. Car pour peu qu’on leur condescende, ils veulent tout gouverner et que tout se fasse selon leurs lumières et jugements. Et de même aussi quant à ce qui regarde la direction de certaines âmes conduites par des voies extraordinaires, ou qui sont peinées et remplies de tentations. Tous n’ayant pas talents pour conduire ces sortes de personnes dans les voies de la perfection leur donnent quelquefois des avis hors de propos qui ne servent qu’à troubler les âmes et les faire tomber dans le désespoir. Je sais tout ceci pour l’avoir expérimenté et si Dieu ne m’eut envoyé des Pères Jésuites pour m’aider et me conseiller dans des affaires épineuses, toute notre maison se fût renversée et plusieurs se fussent perdues, et moi aussi pour la première. Mais je me suis toujours bien trouvée dans la conduite des maisons que j’ai gouvernées d’avoir eu un bon confesseur qui ne fut ni trop docte ni de ceux qui sont ignorants. Non plus que ceux qui sont de qualité relevée, mais des médiocres et avec lequel on sache à quoi l’on en est quitte et se servir d’eux pour le besoin ordinaire des âmes.

Part Two

89

by this same spirit, asks for them. Do you not know, Sir, that the rules of religious houses are private and I cannot make them available without an express command from the bishop.” Knowing full well that he would not make such a demand of me. This response stopped the confessor short who feared that he had annoyed me. He apologized for this. So I was saved from embarrassment this time. I realized from this experience that this gentleman was a person who would venture to meddle in all our affairs. This was why I kept him reined in in all our meetings, allowing him no more authority than the sacrament of confession required. Our sisters sometimes said in jest during recreation that I was making our confessor do his novitiate and that he would soon be capable of making his profession. And in the period that followed this, they often told me that he was a better novice than nun, meaning that I no longer kept him on as short a leash as at the start. From this I drew the conclusion that the Mother Superiors of St. Ursula, who are dependent on the bishop, ought not to give their confessors any authority in the convent except over matters that concern confession. And as for myself, things have always gone well when I behaved in this manner towards ordinary confessors, and very badly, and for the house as well, when I have chosen to give them some authority. Because if one yields to them in the least, they wish to govern everything and that everything be done according to their ideas and opinions. And similarly as well when it comes to matters regarding the direction of certain souls who have visions and extraordinary spiritual experiences, or who are in difficulty and filled with temptations. As everyone does not have the talent to lead these sorts of persons on the path to perfection, they sometimes give them inappropriate advice which only serves to trouble these souls and make them fall into despair. I know all this for having experienced it and if God had not sent me the Jesuit Fathers to help and advise me in these thorny affairs, our whole house would have been thrown into disorder and many would have been lost, and I would have been the first. But I have always done well in leading the houses that I have governed to have had a good confessor who was neither too learned nor too ignorant. Nor should he be chosen from among those of high birth, but from the middling sort and with whom one knows where one stands and who can be used for the ordinary care of souls.

90

The Life of Antoinette Micolon

Car pour les extraordinaires, la Supérieure peut et doit avoir un directeur selon son besoin, auquel elle communique ces choses, soit sur ce qui la regarde elle-même ou ce qui concerne ses filles, qui doivent lui communiquer leurs intérieurs et dispositions avec franchise, et la Supérieure prendre les avis du directeur pour bien conduire ses filles. C’est ce que j’ai fait, grâces à Dieu, et m’en suis très bien trouvée et principalement lorsque je me suis adressée aux Pères Jésuites. Car il semble que l’esprit des Pères de la Compagnie de Jésus est beaucoup plus conforme à celui des Ursulines que tout autre de quelque ordre qu’il soit et qu’on les préfère pour faire les exhortations à la grille tant que faire se pourra, et qu’on n’admette pas toutes sortes de religieux à faire les exhortations particulières. Chaque ordre ayant son esprit particulier, ils prêchent ordinairement selon icelui, et les âmes religieuses qui les écoutent veulent prendre et retenir un peu de chacun et ne prennent l’esprit d’aucun. Ou d’autres fois il en arrive un autre inconvénient qui est que chacune se porte à vouloir se conduire par l’esprit qui lui agrée le plus et méprise les autres, et de là arrivent mille petites divisions parmi les religieuses. C’est pourquoi j’ai toujours fait en sorte d’admettre toujours les Jésuites pour faire nos exhortations, et je me suis toujours bien trouvée de leurs avis et direction. L’ordre de Sainte-Ursule et surtout les maisons que j’ai établies leur ont obligation, à raison de celle que je leur ai pour mon particulier. Quoique nous ne fussions qu’un petit nombre, je fis commencer à ouvrir et à tenir classe. Et en peu de jours, il y eut bien bon nombre d’écolières. Les personnes de la ville en paraissaient fort empressées et nous tâchions de nous y employer de notre mieux pour instruire et former aux bonnes mœurs nos élèves. Je ne perdais pas de vue tout ce qui pouvait rendre notre établissement solide, et le manquement de bulle, de règles et constitutions était le sujet de mes plus grandes inquiétudes et sollicitudes. Je me décidai à cet effet de faire partir le Père Jean-Baptiste, qui était encore à Tulle, et de l’envoyer à Bordeaux achever sa commission, et de plus je voulais une de leurs religieuses pour mon couvent de Tulle. Je le proposai aux deux sœurs mes compagnes et qui furent de mon sentiment. Non que j’eusse dessein de la faire venir pour être tout de suite supérieure. Dès là que j’étais venue pour fonder cette maison, il me semblait convenable que je demeurasse quelque autre temps dans cette charge. Et n’étant pas bien fondée dans l’humilité, mon orgueil

Part Two

91

Because as for the extraordinary cases, the Superior can and ought to have a director that meets her needs, to whom she communicates these things, regarding herself or what concerns her daughters, who must frankly reveal the inner states of their souls to him, and the Superior should take the advice of the director to guide her daughters well. That is what I have done, thanks be to God, and have done very well by it and especially when I consulted the Jesuit Fathers. Because it seems that the spirit of the Fathers of the Company of Jesus is much more similar to that of the Ursulines than any other order and that is why we prefer them to give sermons at the grill as much as is possible, and why we do not allow all kinds of religious to give private sermons. Each order having its own spirit, they usually preach according to this, and the pious souls who listen to them will take away a bit of each and not take the spirit of any. Or sometimes another problem may arise, which is that each tends to want to act according to the spirit which suits her the most and despises the others, and from this comes a thousand little divisions among the nuns. That is why I have always acted in this manner, always choosing Jesuits to give us sermons, and I have always benefitted from their advice and direction. The order of St. Ursula and especially the houses that I established are beholden to them because of what I myself owe them. Although we were only a small group, I decided to open and hold classes. And in a few days, there were a good number of students. The people of the town appeared very impressed by this and we tried to do our best to teach our students and provide them with moral instruction. I did not lose sight of those things that could provide our establishment with a solid foundation, and the lack of a bull, rules and constitutions caused me great worry and concern. With this in mind, I decided to send Father Jean-Baptiste, who was still in Tulle, to Bordeaux to complete his mission, and in addition I wished to have one of their nuns for my convent in Tulle. I proposed this to my companions, the two Sisters, who agreed with me. Not that I planned for her to come and immediately become Superior. Since I had founded the house, it seemed right that I would remain for some time in that position. And not being very humble, it would

92

The Life of Antoinette Micolon

et mon amour propre en auraient été offensés, si on m’avait déposée pour la mettre à ma place, n’y ayant qu’environ un mois que j’étais à Tulle. Je regardais cette appréhension comme une faiblesse et tentation, m’étant figurée que mes deux compagnes se réjouissaient de la venue et réception de cette sœur pour l’élire supérieure. Je leur fis l’aveu de ma peine, il m’en coûtait bien de le leur dire, mais pour mettre fin au trouble que cela me causait, car le diable et mon amour propre faisaient que mon imagination se tracassait là-dessus. Ces bonnes sœurs furent surprises que j’eusse pris une telle pensée et étaient affligées que mon esprit en eût tant souffert, m’assurant que c’était bien éloigné de leurs sentiments, et que quand bien je voudrais que cette sœur de Bordeaux fût supérieure, qu’elles ne le souffriraient pas, n’en voulant pas d’autres que moi. Ainsi ma peine et ma tentation passèrent, par l’acte d’humilité que je fis de le découvrir à ces deux chères sœurs. Je fis donc partir le Père Jean-Baptiste pour aller à Bordeaux, où, étant arrivé, il trouva que la Révérende Mère n’était pas encore de retour, mais bien Monsieur de Lhurbe, leur confesseur et supérieur. Lequel dit à ce bon Père que la bulle non plus n’était pas encore arrivée, mais qu’il était certain qu’on l’aurait dans peu de temps. Et il lui fit voir une lettre qu’il disait être de leur solliciteur de Rome, laquelle annonçait qu’il recevrait la bulle dans un mois et qu’elle porterait pouvoir d’unir. Et quant à ces trois religieuses que je demandais, dont deux étaient pour Clermont et l’autre pour Tulle, Monsieur de Lhurbe lui dit que celles qu’on avait destinées étaient malades et ne pouvaient y aller sitôt, et que quand on aurait reçu la bulle, il l’envoyerait avec lesdites religieuses et elles donnèrent à ce bon Père une copie des règles et constitutions de leur maison avec une patente que lui donna Monseigneur le Cardinal de Sourdy par laquelle il nous unissait avec ses filles conjointement la maison de Clermont. Mais il n’avait pouvoir de le faire, n’ayant point vu la bulle, de façon que ces patentes furent sans effet. Le Père Jean-Baptiste revint donc à Tulle sans avoir fait autre chose que de m’avoir dépensé de l’argent, le tout se faisait à mes frais et dépens. Quant à la copie des règles et constitutions, les ayant lues,

Part Two

93

have offended my pride and my self-love, if I had been deposed and replaced by her, having only been in Tulle for about a month. I regarded this fear as a weakness and temptation, imagining that my two companions would celebrate the arrival and reception of this Sister by electing her Superior. I confessed my difficulty to them, it cost me dearly to tell them this, but to put an end to the anxiety it was causing me, because the devil and my self-love made me imagine the worst. The good Sisters were surprised that I would think such a thing and were upset that my spirit had suffered so much from it, assuring me that this was the farthest thing from their minds, and that even if I wanted this Sister from Bordeaux to be Superior, that they would not allow it, not wanting any one else but me. Thus my pain and temptation passed, due to my act of humility in revealing them to the two dear Sisters. So I sent Father Jean-Baptiste to Bordeaux, where upon his arrival, he found that the Reverend Mother had not yet returned, but instead Monsieur de Lhurbe, their confessor and superior.8 This man told the good Father that the bull had still not arrived, but that he was certain that they would have one soon. And he showed him a letter that he said was from their petitioner in Rome, which announced that he would receive the bull in a month and that it would carry the power of unification. And as for the three nuns that I asked for, two for Clermont and the other for Tulle, Monsieur de Lhurbe told him that the ones that had been chosen were ill and could not leave right away, and that when they received the bull, he would send it along with the nuns, and they would give the good Father a copy of the rules and constitutions of their house along with the letters patent that Archbishop Cardinal de Sourdis9 had given them, by which he united us with his daughters along with the house in Clermont. But he did not have the power to do this, not having seen the bull, so that these letters patent were without effect. So Father Jean-Baptiste returned to Tulle having done nothing but spend my money, as all this was done at my expense. As for the copy of the rules and constitutions, having read them they did not 8

The term “supérieur” referred to a male cleric who had authority over the house. A convent would also have a Mother Superior (supérieure). 9 Cardinal de Sourdis, Archbishop of Bordeaux from 1600 to 1628, was a supporter of the new women’s religious congregations in his diocese and was instrumental in the establishment of the Ursuline house in Bordeaux.

94

The Life of Antoinette Micolon

elles ne m’agréèrent pas, n’y voyant un vrai esprit de religion, quoique je ne susse guère en quoi il consistait. Je n’approuvais pas certains articles, dont l’un permettait d’avoir quelque chose en propre pour son particulier. Et c’est ce que je haïssais grandement, voulant un entier commun parmi les sœurs. Cette règle ne marquait aucune police de maison, ni ne parlait des visites. Et ce qui m’offusquait le plus était que cette règle disait qu’en chaque diocèse il n’y aurait qu’un noviciat, qu’il serait en la ville principale et que les autres maisons y enverraient les filles prendre l’habit, et puis, étant professes, on les renverrait en leur couvent. Ce que je ne pouvais goûter. Il me semblait que cela ne convenait qu’aux religieux et non pas à des religieuses, que chaque maison devait avoir ses novices et les former elle-même. Je ne fis pas connaître mon mécontentement, trouvant à propos de le taire. Je pris encore patience dans l’attente de la bulle que je désirais avec empressement, me confiant en Dieu pour le spirituel et le temporel. Les habitants nous avaient aidées plus que je ne croyais et qu’ils ne s’y étaient engagés eux-mêmes. Je leur en savais bon gré, mais j’avais ignoré une chose qui mit mon courage à l’épreuve, qui était qu’avant notre arrivée à Tulle, les messieurs de la ville avaient destiné deux d’entre eux pour être, disaient-ils, nos syndics, lesquels avaient charge par obligation passée par écrit d’examiner le nombre de filles qui viendraient aux classes et de recevoir de chacune six francs par an et des pensionnaires prendre 3 L. de leur pension, pour satisfaire, disaient-ils, aux frais qui s’étaient faits pour nous appeler et établir à Tulle. L’un d’eux vint me faire cette proposition et me dit que telle était la volonté de Monsieur le Lieutenant Général et de la ville, que je devais me soumettre à cet ordre. Je fus d’abord un peu en peine quoi lui répondre ne voulant pas fâcher Monsieur le Lieutenant qui était le seul appui que nous avions en cette ville dont la protection nous était bien nécessaire, et principalement si nous étions venues à nous trouver dans quelques mauvaises affaires, étant ainsi éloignées de nos parents et connaissances dans un pays étranger. D’autre part, je voyais que cela n’avait point de nez que les séculiers se mêlassent de si près de nos affaires que de venir examiner nos écolières et prendre la pension de nos pensionnaires. Je m’élevais à Dieu, invoquant son secours et sa lumière, et je me décidais dans l’instant à ne point le

Part Two

95

please me, for I did not see in them a true spirit of religion, although I hardly knew what this consisted of. I did not approve of certain articles, one of which permitted the keeping of some of one’s own property for personal use. And this I greatly disliked, wishing an entirely joint possession among the Sisters. This rule did not cover the regulation of the house, nor did it speak about visits. And what shocked me the most was that this rule said that in each diocese there would be only one noviciate, that it would be in the principal town and that the other houses would send their daughters there to take the veil, and then, after becoming nuns, they would be sent back to their convent. This I could not approve of. It seemed to me that this was only appropriate for monks and not for nuns, that each house ought to have its novices and train them itself. I did not make my feelings known, thinking it wise to keep quiet. I was still patiently awaiting the bull which I greatly desired, placing my trust in God for both spiritual and temporal matters. The townspeople had helped us more than I would have believed possible and than if they had been personally involved. I was deeply grateful to them, but I had neglected one thing which put my courage to the test, which was that before our arrival in Tulle, the gentlemen of the town had chosen two among them to be, they said, our trustees, who were charged by law to keep track of the number of girls who came to our classes and receive from each of them six francs a year and take from the boarders three livres of their pension, to compensate, they said, for the expense of bringing us to and establishing us in Tulle. One of them came to present this proposal to me and told me that this was the will of the Lieutenant General of the town, that I must submit to this order. I was at first a bit unsure how to respond, not wishing to offend the Lieutenant General, who was the only support that we had in the town, whose protection was absolutely necessary to us, especially if we ever found ourselves in a difficult situation, being so far from our families and friends in an unfamiliar land. On the other hand, I saw that it would not be wise to allow laymen to be so closely involved in our business as to examine our students and collect money from our boarders. I appealed to God, invoking his help and his wisdom, and I decided then and there not to

96

The Life of Antoinette Micolon

permettre, pensant que si les hommes s’en offensaient que Dieu serait honoré de maintenir nos droits, comme j’y étais obligée en chose si juste et raisonnable. Je parlais en conséquence à cet homme en fort bons termes, et lui dis une fois pour toutes que les séculiers n’avaient rien à voir parmi nos affaires, qu’il y avait des bornes entre nous et eux, et que quand je les y appellerais pour me donner conseils ou assister, qu’il m’obligerait de se prêter à nous servir, mais de vouloir s’y ingérer d’eux-mêmes, que je les en empêcherais bien et qu’ils ne vinssent pas à les aborder. Que nous étions bien capables d’examiner nos écolières sans eux et de recevoir leurs pensions. Qu’au reste je n’étais plus mineure, que j’avais passé 25 ans, que je n’avais besoin de tuteur ni de curateur, et que partant je le remerciais en mon privé et de la part des autres religieuses. Cet homme parut étonné de voir une fille lui parler de la sorte. Il commença ainsi que les autres à me redouter. Mais quant à Monsieur le Lieutenant Général, il ne sonna mot, disant seulement que je n’étais pas bête, ni sotte, et il m’en affectionna davantage selon Dieu. Et je profitai de cette bienveillance pour l’établissement des Révérends Pères Jésuites à Tulle, qui se fit l’année ensuite. Un combat succédant à l’autre, on m’avait fait entendre à notre arrivée à Tulle que tous les meubles qui étaient dans la maison étaient à nous, que la ville nous les avait donnés et cependant chacun venait tous les jours chercher ce qui était à eux disant qu’on ne l’avait que prêté et que cela n’était pas à nous. Un matin que nous avions monté notre dîner, l’on vint nous prendre le pot qui était sur le feu pendant que nous étions au chœur. Ils nous vidèrent la viande et le potage dans un bassin et lorsque nous revînmes du chœur et les sœurs de la classe croyant de dîner, nous trouvâmes notre pauvre dîner dans le bassin, et non prêt d’être cuit. Une autre fois, on nous vint chercher un seul verre et aiguière que nous avions, les bassins, tables, tabouret, lit, et partant, nous nous trouvâmes sans presque point de meubles et en une très grande pauvreté. Ce qui me fatiguait était que je craignais que les sœurs ne s’en affligeassent. Je les tenais joyeuses autant que je pouvais, et peu à peu je parvins à meubler la maison. J’aurais bien souhaité de recevoir des sujets. Et Dieu me voulut encore cette épreuve, car dans la première année, je n’en reçus que deux: une que j’avais amenée d’Auvergne, et l’autre fut la Sœur de Saint-Martial de Limoges. Mais de la ville, il ne s’en présentait point à cause du bruit qui courait que nous nous en

Part Two

97

permit this, thinking that if the men were offended, God would be honored to uphold our rights, as I was insisting on something so just and reasonable. So I spoke to this man very persuasively, and told him once and for all that laymen should not be involved in our business, that there must be limits between us, that when I called on them for advice or help, I would be pleased if they would agree to help us, but if they wished to meddle on their own, that I would certainly stop them and that they would not be allowed to do this. That we were very capable of examining our students and receiving their pensions without them. That besides this I was no longer a minor, that I was over twenty-five, that I had no need for a tutor or guardian, but that I thanked him on my own behalf and that of the other nuns. This man seemed astonished to have a girl speak to him in this way. He began as did the others to fear me. But as for the Lieutenant General, he did not say a word, except that I was neither stupid nor foolish, and he loved me even more in God. I benefitted from his goodwill when the Jesuit Fathers were established in Tulle, which happened the following year. One battle followed another. I had been led to understand when we arrived in Tulle that all the furnishings in the house were ours, that the town had given them to us, but people came every day to fetch what belonged to them, saying that these had only been lent to us and that they were not ours. One morning after we had prepared our dinner, someone came to take away the pot that was on the fire while we were in the choir. They emptied the meat and the soup into a basin and when we returned from the choir and the Sisters from their classes expecting to eat, we found our poor dinner in the basin not even close to being cooked. Another time, someone came and took away the only glass and ewer that we had, the basins, tables, stool, beds and thus, we were left in great poverty with almost no furnishings. I worried that the sisters would be disheartened by this. I kept up their spirits as best I could, and gradually I managed to furnish the house. I would have liked very much to receive postulants. And God wished to give me yet another test, because in the first year I received only two of them: one that I had sent from the Auvergne, and the other was Sœur Saint-Martial of Limoges. But from the town, there were no candidates because a rumor had spread that we would

98

The Life of Antoinette Micolon

retournerions à Clermont et que nous n’avions pas même une maison à nous. Ce fut pourquoi je ne tardai guère à acheter celle-ci. Et on disait aussi toujours que nous n’étions pas religieuses, n’ayant point de bulle. Et que ainsi, après quelques années, nous sortirions pour nous marier. Ces discours m’affligeaient et me déplaisaient fort. Je faisais mon petit possible pour gagner leurs affections pour le bien de ma communauté. Je les envoyais chercher les uns après les autres pour les voir et entretenir au parloir où je demeurais bien quelquefois presque tout le jour. Et comme c’était en hiver, mes filles me blâmaient dans la crainte que je n’en fusse incommodée. Je leur répondais qu’il fallait entretenir les amis. Il me semblait que je ne pouvais faire autrement. A peine je prenais le temps de prendre mes repas, et j’employais le plus souvent toutes les nuits à écrire des lettres à Clermont ou à Bordeaux pour les affaires de l’union et des bulles, et ayant ordre d’agir pour procurer une supérieure à la maison de Clermont, dont les pauvres sœurs m’écrivaient et me pressaient à ce sujet par le désir qu’elles avaient d’avoir une supérieure qui les traita en bonne Mère. Il y avait de certaines fois que j’écrivais tout de suite jusqu’à 18 lettres, et en temps d’hiver, je ne sais comment je n’en étais pas morte, étant d’une complexion délicate. J’envoyais aussi assez souvent des messagers de part et d’autre pour nos différentes affaires. Et quant à ce qui concernait la bulle, la Révérende Mère de Bordeaux me repaissait toujours de belles espérances, que de 15 en 15 jours, elle devait toujours m’envoyer et religieuses et bulle, et il ne venait rien. Je ne laissais pas que de travailler à l’union de nos maisons. Il me semblait que Dieu m’avait donné cette affaire en charge et qu’il s’en reposait sur moi. Je ne me contentais pas d’écrire à Bordeaux et à Clermont, j’écrivais encore pour ladite union à Toulouse, à Lyon, et à Brive. Et j’eus parole et l’agrément et entier consentement de toutes ces maisons pour députer un homme capable et lui donner pouvoir de traiter de cette affaire de l’union, et muni à cet effet des raisons, difficultés et désirs de chaque maison. Et que chacune s’incommoderait un peu en quittant et prenant quelque chose l’une de l’autre, et que ce que le susdit député conclurait avec des personnes savantes, que toutes les maisons s’y rangeraient et l’observeraient, et qu’on le ferait approuver au Saint Père, ce qui était un souverain moyen de faire l’union générale de toutes les Ursules de France pour les rendre toutes conformes.

Part Two

99

be returning to Clermont and that we did not even have a house of our own. That was why I did not wait long before buying this one. And it was also said that we were not nuns, since we had no bull. And that therefore after several years we would leave to get married. This talk pained and displeased me very much. I did what little I could to win their affection for the good of my community. I sent for them one after another to converse with them in the parlor where I very often remained almost all day. And as it was winter, my daughters reproached me for fear that this would make me ill. I replied that we must maintain our friendships. It seemed to me that I could not do otherwise. I hardly took the time to eat, and I spent most nights writing letters to Clermont or Bordeaux regarding matters of union10 and of the bulls, and having the task of procuring a Superior for the house in Clermont, whose poor sisters wrote and urged me to do this out of their desire to have a Superior who would be a good mother to them. Sometimes I wrote up to 18 letters in a row, and in winter weather. I do not know how I survived this, having such a delicate constitution. I also often sent messages to diverse places for our various business. And as for the matter of the bull, the Reverend Mother of Bordeaux continued to feed my hopes, that in two to four weeks she would send me both nuns and a bull, and nothing came. I continued to work for the union of our houses. It seemed to me that God had given me charge of this business and that he was relying on me. I was not content with writing to Bordeaux and Clermont, I also wrote to Toulouse, Lyon and Brive in favor of this union. And I had the permission and complete consent of all these houses to appoint a capable man and to give him the power to negotiate the business of the union, and furnished to this end with the arguments, reasons, concerns and wishes of each house. And that each would be slightly inconvenienced by giving up something and taking something from each of the others, and that what this deputy decided with knowledgeable people, all the houses would stand behind and observe, and that this would be approved by the Holy Father, which would be a sure means of achieving a general union of all the Ursulines in France so as to render them in conformity with one another. 10 Mère Micolon, like many other Ursulines of her day, worked to create a unified order of nuns, along the lines of the Jesuits, that would link all existing Ursuline houses. These efforts were unsuccessful.

100

The Life of Antoinette Micolon

Les quatre principales maisons d’Ursulines étaient: Paris, Bordeaux, Lyon et Clermont. Ayant eu parole de toutes, il me semblait voir l’affaire faite. J’en reçus une très grande joie, je le mandais à Monsieur de Lhurbe, de qui j’avais pris conseil pour agir ainsi. Il me loua beaucoup, ainsi que la Révérende Mère de Bordeaux, de ce que j’avais conduit l’affaire jusque-là. Ils me promirent toute assistance, et que la bulle arriverait au premier jour, que l’affaire se pourrait heureusement conduire comme je le projetais. Et m’ayant amusée et tenu le bec en l’eau, moi et les autres maisons, sous cette espérance, et m’avoir fait dépenser en messages ou voyages de part et d’autre plus de six cents livres, ce qui m’incommodait assez à cause de notre pauvreté, ils m’envoyèrent enfin une copie de leur bulle qu’ils avaient reçue. Laquelle ne portait nul pouvoir d’unir, ni ne parlait pour autre maison que pour celle de Bordeaux, et était d’ailleurs mal dressée, ayant des clauses fort difficiles à observer et même préjudiciables. Ils me marquèrent en même temps que dans peu de jours on m’enverrait les trois religieuses tant pour la maison de Clermont que pour Tulle. Tout cela me causait du souci. Je voyais que cette bulle dont on m’avait envoyé une copie tournée en français, ne disait rien de ce que je désirais, et ne voulant pas m’en rapporter à moi en cette affaire, j’eus recours à Monsieur Glanier comme bien entendu en ces choses. Lequel fut de mon sentiment que cette bulle était mal dressée et préjudiciable en certaines clauses, et qu’elle ne portait nul pouvoir d’unir d’autres maisons. D’autre part, je ne désirais plus d’avoir des religieuses de Bordeaux, n’aimant pas leur esprit, que j’avais conjecturé par leurs règles, et qu’elle ne changerait pas le contenu de la bulle qui n’avait rien pour nous. A moins qu’elles n’eussent un bref à part outre la bulle, qui portât le pouvoir de l’union. Il faut ici raconter une des plus furieuses attaques que j’ai reçues. Il y avait une fille à quatre lieues de Tulle qui voulait être religieuse dans notre maison. Un certain religieux, qui m’avait fort affligée Ambert dans le temps qu’il y prêchait le carême où il m’avait voulu décrier ainsi que notre institut naissant, il voulut en faire de même à Tulle. Non seulement lui, mais encore son gardien et tous les autres religieux de ce couvent. Le Seigneur le permit ainsi pour me faire mériter, car ce fut une épreuve bien sensible, et dont Dieu en tira sa gloire puisque cela servit à terminer l’établissement des Pères Jésuites.

Part Two

101

The four main Ursuline houses were Paris, Bordeaux, Lyon and Clermont. Having heard from all of them, I believed the business completed. This gave me great joy, I wrote to Monsieur de Lhurbe who had advised me in this matter. He praised me, as did the Reverend Mother of Bordeaux, for having brought the affair to this point. He promised me whatever help he could give, and that the bull would arrive soon, that the affair would proceed just as I planned. And after trifling with me and keeping me in suspense, myself and the other houses, with this hope, and making me spend more than six hundred livres in messages or trips here and there, which was quite inconvenient because of our poverty, they finally sent me a copy of the bull they had received. This had no power of unification, nor did it apply to any house except Bordeaux, and was besides badly drawn up, including clauses that were very difficult and even harmful to follow. At the same time they told me that in a few days they would send me the three nuns for the houses in Clermont and Tulle. All this worried me. I saw that this bull, which someone had sent me a copy of translated into French, said nothing about what I had hoped for, and not wishing to rely only upon myself in this matter, I consulted Monsieur Glanier who was very knowledgeable about such things. He was of my opinion that the bull was badly drawn up and harmful in certain places, and that it had no power to unite other houses. Besides, I no longer wished to receive the nuns from Bordeaux, as I did not like their principles, which I had surmised from their rules, and since it would not change the content of the bull which did nothing for us. Unless they had a separate brief apart from the bull, which had the power of union. Here I must relate one of the most savage attacks that I experienced. Four leagues away from Tulle there was a girl who wished to become a nun in our house. A certain monk, who had caused me great distress in Ambert when he preached the Lenten sermons and had tried to discredit me and our budding Institute, wanted to do the same in Tulle. Not only him, but also his superior and all the other monks of his monastery. The Lord allowed this to make use of me for a higher goal, because it was a clear test from which God received glory since it helped bring about the establishment of the Jesuit Fathers.

102

The Life of Antoinette Micolon

Ce religieux dont je supprime le nom s’en fut chez cette fille qui voulait être religieuse pour lui persuader d’entrer à Sainte-Claire et non pas chez nous. Ce qu’elle fit. Elle y persévéra dix mois sous cet habit et puis elle quitta. Il ne lui dit pas simplement de préférer l’ordre de Sainte-Claire, mais pour lui ôter toute envie de se ranger parmi nous, il nous noircit et diffama à elle et à son père d’une manière affreuse, jusqu’à attaquer notre honneur. Et à son dire, il ne manquait rien qu’à attacher un placard à notre porte en lettres rouges pour dire entre qui voudra. Je passe sous silence toutes les paroles horribles qu’il dit contre nous et qui me furent rapportées et dont j’eus le cœur percé. Car j’ai toujours été jalouse de ma réputation et de vivre en fille d’honneur, et les calomnies de ce côté m’étaient insoutenables. C’est le plus grand tort qu’on puisse faire à une vierge que de l’attaquer sur son honneur. Aussi ma douleur fut vive et ma sensibilité fut poussée un peu trop loin. Elle me porta à en écrire une lettre à la Mère Abbesse des Saintes-Claires, qui marquait mon ressentiment contre ce religieux et ceux de ce même couvent. Je ne lui nommais pas le coupable, je lui marquais seulement qu’un de ces religieux avait dit contre nous des paroles si horribles qu’une personne sans âme en ferait conscience. Cette bonne Mère crut de bien faire de donner ma lettre au Provincial. Le succès ne répondit pas à son désir et bonne volonté. Dès qu’il eut reçu la lettre, ils me déclarèrent la guerre encore plus ouvertement et me firent faire de leur part un très mauvais compliment qui annonçait qu’ils me nuiraient en tout ce qu’ils pourraient. Satan ne m’oublia pas dans ce temps-là. Il me disait en pensée: “Je te l’avais bien prédit tout ceci avant que tu partisses de Clermont, que c’était ici des gens barbares, tant religieux qu’autres, et que tu n’y aurais pas ton oncle pour te défendre et te soutenir. Tu ne voulus pas le croire. C’est la punition de ce que tu as fait l’établissement de cette maison de Tulle et que tu es venue ici de ton propre mouvement et contre la volonté de ton pauvre père qui en est mort de chagrin, et tu seras cause que tes frères et sœurs n’auront personne qui prenne soin de leurs éducations et peut-être se damneront.” Il est vrai que j’avais su que mon père avait été très affligé que je quitta Ambert et Clermont.

Part Two

103

This monk, whom I will not name, went to the house of the girl who wished to become a nun to persuade her to enter the convent of the Poor Clares and not ours. Which she did. She stayed there for ten months in that habit and then she left. He not only told her to choose the order of the Poor Clares, but to destroy any desire that she might have of joining us, he blackened and defamed us to her and to her father in a frightful way, going so far as to attack our honor. And according to him, the only thing missing was a sign on our door in red letters saying enter who wishes. I pass over in silence all the horrible words he said against us and which were repeated to me and pierced my heart. Because I have always been jealous of my good name and of my reputation as a woman of honor, and I found such lies unbearable.There is no greater wrong one can do a virgin than to attack her honor. My suffering was keen and I was pushed a bit too far. This led me to write a letter to the Abbess of the Poor Clares which described my resentment of this monk and the others of his monastery. I did not name the guilty party, I only said that one of these monks had said such horrible words against us that even a person without feelings would take offense. The good Mother thought it right to give my letter to the Superior of the monastery. The result was not what she intended. As soon as they received the letter, they declared war on me even more openly and sent me an insulting message announcing that they would oppose me in any way they could. Satan did not forget me during that time. He spoke to me in my thoughts: “I predicted all this to you before you left Clermont, that the people here were savages, the monks no less than the others, and that you would not have your uncle to defend and support you. You refused to believe it. This is your punishment for having established the Tulle convent and for having come here of your own will and against the will of your poor father who because of this has died of a broken heart, and it is because of you that your brothers and sisters will have no one to see to their educations and will perhaps be damned.”11 It is true that I had known that my father had been very upset that I had left Ambert and Clermont. 11 Antoinette’s father died in 1622, four years after she arrived in Tulle. Antoinette would seem to have organized her story thematically rather than strictly chronologically, since she later goes on to describe the events surrounding her decision to begin writing the account of her life which occurred in 1620.

104

The Life of Antoinette Micolon

La tentateur poursuivant pour me faire désespérer m’inspirait que j’avais fait cet établissement contre la volonté de Dieu, et que pour preuve je n’avais pu dans 15 mois recevoir aucune fille de la ville pour religieuse dans notre maison. Et de plus je voyais des religieux qui ont sans doute la conscience bonne et qui n’approuvent pas cet établissement. “Tu t’es amusée à cette voix intérieure que tu dis avoir ouïe à Clermont et que pour obéir à icelle tu entrepris cette affaire. Sache à présent que cette voix venait du démon qui te voulait tromper, comme il a fait. Et que feras-tu maintenant, pauvre fille? La mort te serait meilleure que la vie et tu ne ferais pas mal de te la procurer. Comment pouvoir soutenir de tels assauts de voir qu’on s’en prend à ton honneur que tu chéris tant? Il faudrait un plus grand courage que le tien.” Ces pensées me firent une si grande impression que je doutais fort que ce ne fût des vérités, et que j’étais damnée d’avoir suivi cette voix intérieure qui m’avait fait entreprendre cet établissement contre la volonté de Dieu. Dans cette perplexité, je laissai aller mes deux bras que je tenais croisés et tombai ainsi en défaillance et comme morte l’espace de demi-heure, en lieu que personne ne pouvait me voir car j’avais fermé la porte du chœur. Après cette demi-heure où j’étais à demi-morte, je sentis un petit mouvement, mes sens revenant, et le Seigneur eut pitié de ma situation et me tira de cette détresse et du danger où j’étais de tomber dans les pièges de Satan. Je sentis tout d’un coup mon intérieur se ranimer et un mouvement qui me disait: “Lève-toi, que fais-tu là ainsi abattue? Lorsque les Jésuites seront établis en cette ville, ils t’aideront plus que ces autres religieux ne te peuvent nuire. Procure seulement leur établissement.” Ces paroles intérieures me communiquèrent une telle clarté et force que je me levai, et tous ces fantômes de tentations furent dissipés. Et je m’en fus joyeuse vers mes filles qui auraient été affligées si elles m’avaient vue triste. J’envoyais chercher tout de suite Monsieur le Lieutenant Général et je le priai et conjurai de procurer promptement l’établissement des Révérends Pères Jésuites. Et je lui dis que lorsqu’il serait dans Tulle, il protègerait notre maison et ferait que les autres religieux qui nous persécutaient n’oseraient plus dire mot. Je lui racontai quelque chose des discours que ce religieux tenait sur notre compte. Il en parut touché, car il nous affectionnait en Notre Seigneur et avait pour nous de l’estime, voyant que notre bonne conduite démentait de tels propos.

Part Two

105

The temptor, continuing his efforts to lead me to despair, made me think that I had founded this convent against the will of God, and that as proof in 15 months I had not succeeded in receiving any girl from the town to be a nun in our house, and in addition I was confronted by monks who were no doubt reliable who did not approve of the establishment. “You were deceived by that inner voice that you claim to have heard in Clermont and in order to obey it you undertook this affair. Know now that this voice came from the devil who wished to fool you, as he has done. And what will you do now, poor girl? Death would be better than life for you and you would not do badly to seek it. How can you sustain such assaults on your honor that you cherish so much? It would require a much greater courage than yours.” These thoughts made such a great impression on me that I had no doubt they were true, and that I was damned for having followed that inner voice which had made me undertake this establishment against the will of God. In this state of confusion, I dropped my two arms that had been crossed and fell into a swoon as if I were dead for half an hour, in a place where no one could see me because I had shut the choir door. After that half hour in which I was half dead, I felt a stirring, my senses returned, and the Lord had pity on my situation and pulled me out of this distress and from the danger I was in of falling into the traps of Satan. All of a sudden I revived and felt something which told me: “Get up, what are you doing there so dejected? When the Jesuits are established in this town, they will help you more than those other monks can hurt you. Merely obtain their establishment.” These inner words conveyed such clarity and strength to me that I got up, and all those spectres of temptations vanished. And this made me joyful towards my daughters who would have been distressed to have seen me sad. I immediately sent for the Lieutenant General and I begged and implored him to see to the foundation of a Jesuit house as soon as possible. I told him that once they were in Tulle, they would protect our house and make sure that the monks who persecuted us would no longer dare say a word. I told him something of what this monk was saying about us. He seemed upset by this, because he loved us in our Lord and esteemed us, seeing that our good conduct belied such words. And he promised to do what-

106

The Life of Antoinette Micolon

Et il me promit de faire le possible pour avancer l’établissement des Jésuites, et en effet il tint sa parole. Sitôt qu’ils furent établis à Tulle, il se présenta beaucoup de filles pour être religieuses. J’en reçus grand nombre en 1620. Ce fut ces Révérends Pères qui firent toutes les exhortations de leurs réceptions et portaient un chacun à nous affectionner, éleverant autant notre Institut que d’autres religieux l’avaient abaissé, et qui cessèrent dès lors leurs persécutions. Nous nous vîmes estimées et goûtées de toute la ville qui nous donnait de très bon cœur leurs filles pour religieuses. Il est bon de dire quelque chose sur l’entreprise de nos bâtiments. N’ayant pas de ressources suffisantes pour y fournir, je mis toute ma confiance en cette aimable Providence. Je n’avais quoi que ce soit lorsque j’achetai notre maison et jardin qui coûta 5,000 livres. C’était un an après je fus à Tulle. Je n’avais alors que des novices n’ayant en conséquence reçu aucune dot. Ayant fait creuser les fondements du corps de logis, tout l’argent qui était au monastère était quatre quarts d’écus, que je donnai au maçon à la première pierre qui se posa. Une fois nous étions sans blé et sans crédit pour en avoir. J’eus mon recours à Dieu. Il nous en arriva le lendemain quatre charretées d’une personne que je n’attendais pas. Ce blé se multiplia dans le grenier de plus de trois cents septiers. Car tout celui que nous prenions pour notre usage ne diminuait pas le monceau. Ce blé dura jusqu’à tant que j’eus moyen d’en avoir. Cette merveille fut reconnue de nos Sœurs qui en bénissaient le Seigneur et moi conjointement. A Dieu en soit la gloire, lequel ne laisse jamais sans secours ceux qui se confient en lui. Je continuai à faire bâtir plusieurs années, lorsque nous eûmes dans la suite reçu des sujets. Ce grand proviseur pourvoyait si bien à notre temporel que j’eus bientôt payé toutes ces dépenses. Tout s’avançait beaucoup pour le spirituel aussi bien que pour le reste. La ferveur des religieuses était grande et surtout dans ces premières années, et je n’étais pas lors tombée dans le relâchement dont il sera parlé ciaprès. Je n’avais pas abandonné les exercices réguliers, je m’en acquittais autant que le tracas des affaires pouvait le permettre. Quant aux Révérends Pères Jésuites, ils m’ont rendu pour mon particulier des services signalés. [Un] Père après m’avoir vue plusieurs fois pour parler de leurs affaires, se voyant déjà bien établis et pourvus de tout leur nécessaire, commença à me parler de ce qui concernait l’intérieur de la maison en offrant tous ses services. Il me pria de lui

Part Two

107

ever he could to advance the establishment of the Jesuits, and indeed he kept his word. As soon as they were established at Tulle, many girls decided to enter our house as nuns. I received a great number of them in 1620. It was the Reverend Fathers who gave all the sermons at their receptions and led each and every one of them to love us, raising our Institute as much as the other monks had abased it, who from then on ceased their persecutions. We saw ourselves esteemed and appreciated by the whole town who gladly gave us their daughters as nuns. I should say something here about the construction of our buildings. Not having sufficient funds to provide for this, I placed all my trust in Providence. I had nothing when I bought our house and garden which cost 5,000 livres. This was a year after I arrived in Tulle. I had only novices then and so had not received a single dowry. Having broken the ground for the main building, the only money we had left in the convent was four quarter-écus, which I gave to the mason when he laid the first stone. Once we were without grain and without the credit to get any. I appealed to God. The next day we received four cart-loads from someone, which I was not expecting. This grain multiplied in the granary by more than 300 septiers. Because whatever we used did not diminish the heap. The grain lasted until I had the means to get more. This miracle was known by our sisters who blessed both the Lord and me for it. To God be the glory for this, who never abandons those who trust in him. I continued to build for several years, after we had received postulants. The great provider provided so well for our temporal needs that I had soon paid all these expenses. Everything was moving along well, regarding the spiritual as well as everything else. The nuns’ fervor was great especially in these first years, and I had not yet fallen into the laxity which I will speak of later. I had not abandoned the correct practices of religion, I performed them as much as the turmoil of business would allow. As for the Jesuit Fathers, they provided me with special services. One father, after having visited me several times to discuss their affairs, finding themselves already well established and provided with everything they needed, began to speak to me about matters concerning the internal organization of the house, offering his services.

108

The Life of Antoinette Micolon

faire voir nos règles et constitutions. Je parus courte et fus en peine pour le moment, ne voulant pas lui avouer que nous en avions point encore. Je redoutais et je craignais qu’il ne me parlât de me mettre de l’ordre de Notre-Dame dans le couvent de Bordeaux, désirant vivre et mourir Ursuline. Je n’hésitai guère à lui répondre et lui dis: “Mon Père, je vous les enverrai un de ces jours au collège.” Il en parut content. Et Dieu se servit de la demande de ce Père pour m’en pourvoir. Car de ce pas, je fus devant le Saint-Sacrement pour consulter l’Esprit-Saint sur l’embarras où j’étais. Une voix intérieure me dit au fond du cœur: “Mets la main à la plume et fais celle que Dieu t’inspirera.” Dès le même soir je me mis en devoir d’exécuter ce que Dieu m’avait ordonné, car je le regardais comme un exprès commandement. Je commençais donc à écrire nos Constitutions, prenant une partie de celles que j’avais eues des Ursules de Brive, une autre partie de celles que le Père Boyre nous avait faites touchant la police de la maison dont je me rappelais de beaucoup de choses. J’en pris une autre partie du manuel des religieuses touchant les charges des officières. Et le reste, je mis ce que Dieu m’inspirait, et sur ce que j’avais remarqué de part et d’autre, de même qu’à Sainte-Fleurine, ainsi que ce que mon expérience m’avait appris dans les trois différentes maisons où j’avais été Supérieure. Ramassant le tout, je fis mes constitutions que dans la suite je fis voir au Père de La Renodie, Jésuite, qui les trouva bien, y corrigea et ajouta ce qu’il vit être nécessaire, m’assurant qu’elles étaient selon l’esprit de Dieu et tendaient à sa gloire. Je tirai la Règle de Saint-Augustin et l’ajoutai à la tête des constitutions, que le même Père mit par ordre. Mais avant je les donnai au Révérend Père qui me les avait demandées. Ensuite de quoi, je choisis un directeur de cette compagnie pour m’aider à marcher dans les voies de Dieu et faire progrès dans la vie spirituelle, m’étant un peu négligée à cause de la multitude des affaires de l’établissement de cette maison. D’autre part, le démon m’inspirait que je renverserais l’esprit si je m’adonnais à cette vie intérieure, ayant des occupations trop multipliées pour pouvoir fournir à tout. Je me laissai d’autant plus facilement convaincre à ces persuasions que mon humeur gaie y était portée, prenant plus de plaisir à rire, à m’amuser, me recréer, dire quelques bons mots que de prier Dieu. Je m’étais véritablement relâchée, la paresse spirituelle me tenait saisie. J’écoutais bien volontiers les saintes remontrances de mon

Part Two

109

He asked to see our rules and constitutions. I was taken aback and unsure what to do for a moment, not wanting to confess that we did not have any yet. Since I wanted to live and die an Ursuline, I was fearful that he would suggest that I enter the convent of Notre-Dame in Bourdeaux. After hesitating briefly, I told him: “My Father, I will send them to you at the college one of these days.” He seemed happy with this. And God made use of this father’s request to provide me with them. Because I immediately approached the Holy Sacrament to consult the Holy Spirit about the situation I was in. An inner voice spoke to my heart: “Take up the pen and write down what God inspires you to.” From that very evening I set about accomplishing what God had ordered me to do, because I regarded it as an express command. Thus I began to write our constitutions, taking part of those the Ursulines of Brive had sent me, another part from those that Father Boyre had drawn up for us regarding the government of the house, of which I recalled a great deal. I took another part from the manual of nuns concerning the duties of the officers. And the rest I wrote down as God inspired me, and what I had observed from the places I had been, at Sainte-Fleurine as well as what I had learned in the three different houses where I had been Superior. Gathering all of this together, I wrote my constitutions which I later showed to the Jesuit Father de La Renodie who approved of them, corrected them and added what he thought necessary, assuring me that they were in accordance with the spirit of God and contributed to his glory. I took the Rule of St. Augustine and placed it at the beginning of the constitutions, which that same Father told me to do. But first I gave them to the Reverend Father who had asked me for them. After which I chose a spiritual director from that Company to help me follow the ways of God and progress in the spiritual life, having neglected this a bit due to the multitude of affairs regarding the establishment of [the Jesuit] house. Besides, the devil made me think that I would go crazy if I focused on the inner life of my soul, as I had so many other things to occupy me. I was all the more easily convinced by these arguments because of my cheerful disposition, taking more pleasure in laughing, amusing myself, entertaining myself, and joking than in praying to God. I had truly become lax; spiritual laziness had taken hold of me. I listened willingly to the pious speeches of my spiritual director, but

110

The Life of Antoinette Micolon

directeur, mais je n’avais guère d’envie de les mettre en pratique. J’avais peine à lui découvrir ma mauvaise disposition qui ne me portait qu’à vouloir prendre de l’amusement comme un enfant. Quoique j’approchâsse de 29 ans, je me sentais portée à rire, à bouffonner, à sauter comme une fille de 15 ans, encore qu’à cet âge j’étais peut-être plus grave. Ma tiédeur pour mes exercices ne déplaisait pas à l’ennemi de mon salut qui avait juré ma ruine d’une façon ou de l’autre, et il faisait ses efforts pour m’entretenir dans cet état et me détourner d’en parler à mon directeur. J’étais si aveugle que je croyais ne pouvoir me priver des choses qui m’entretenaient dans la dissipation et dans la mollesse. Car il me semblait que si je me fus levée un seul matin à quatre heures, comme c’était notre ordinaire, et que j’eusse demeuré un seul jour sans rire et bouffonner, j’aurais été à demi-morte. Je ne faisais pas le juste discernement de cette sainte joie qui naît de la bonne conscience, d’avec la vaine joie qui conduit au relâchement et je ne considérais pas non plus l’obligation où j’étais de donner bon exemple à mes filles. Et au lieu d’employer mon temps à les instruire et les former à la vertu et à l’esprit de religion, je le passais au parloir une partie du jour à causer et à rire, et je ne faisais point d’oraison, crainte qu’il me vînt quelques bonnes inspirations ou quelques remords qui me portassent à quitter mes entretiens et mes façons de faire, ni ne voulais pour la même raison lire des livres de piété mais bien ceux des matières relevées, me servant de la bonne mémoire que Dieu m’avait donnée pour retenir ce que je lisais et pour le raconter aux personnes séculières qui venaient me voir, afin de leur donner bonne opinion de moi. Telle était ma misère. Je me baignais dans ces vanités et folies, et qui passèrent encore plus avant car je pris envie d’apprendre à jouer de l’épinette et de la viole. J’eus à cet effet un maître sous lequel j’appris quelque peu de temps. Et puis il vint à mourir, ce qui fit que j’abandonnai cet exercice pour en prendre un autre encore moins convenable. Un certain religieux feuillant me dit un jour dans la conversation que j’eus avec lui, qu’il connaissait que j’avais très bon esprit et que je pourrais bien, si je voulais, apprendre la philosophie, et qu’il l’avait en français, qu’il m’en apporterait, si je voulais, un livre, et qu’il viendrait tous les jours me donner mes leçons. J’acceptai volontiers cette offre, ayant pour lors plus de désir d’être savante de la science qui enfle que de celle qui rend la piété solide,

Part Two

111

I had little desire to put them into practice. I had difficulty revealing to him my wicked state which led me to wish only to amuse myself like a child. Although I was almost 29 years old, I felt inclined to laugh, to clown, to jump like a girl of 15, though even at that age I was perhaps more serious. My lukewarm feelings towards my exercises did not displease the enemy of my salvation who had sworn my ruin in one way or another, and he tried to keep me in this state and deter me from speaking about it to my spiritual director. I was so blind that I believed that I could not deprive myself of the things that kept me in dissipation and softness. Because I felt that if I had arisen a single morning at four o’clock, as was our custom, and if I had remained a single day without laughing or clowning, I would have been half dead. I did not clearly distinguish between that holy joy that is born of a good conscience and the vain joy that leads to laxity, nor did I consider my obligation to provide a good example for my daughters. And instead of spending my time instructing them and training them in virtue and the spirit of religion, I spent much of the day in the parlor, joking and laughing, and I did not pray, for fear that I would feel some good inspiration or remorse that would lead me to give up my conversations and my ways of behaving, nor did I wish for the same reasons to read pious books but instead those on lofty subjects, making use of the good memory that God had given me to retain what I read and to recount it to the lay people who came to see me, so as to give them a good opinion of me. Such was my unhappiness. I wallowed in these vanities and follies, and I carried this even further, because I developed a desire to learn to play the spinet and the viola. For this I had a teacher under whom I studied for a short time. And then he happened to die, which led me to abandon this activity to take up another that was even less appropriate. A certain Feuillant monk told me in conversation one day that he knew I was very intelligent and that I would be very capable, if I wanted to, of learning philosophy, and that he had some in French, that if I wished, he would bring me a book, and he would come and give me lessons every day. I willingly accepted this offer, having then more desire to be wise in the knowledge that inflates one’s ego than in that which produces solid piety, so

112

The Life of Antoinette Micolon

tant il est vrai que le bien-être fait méconnaître. Possédant ce que j’avais tant désiré, qui était l’établissement du collège des Jésuites, joint à l’avantage de recevoir un nombre de sujets de cette ville où nous commencions à être accréditées et aimées, ce qui aurait dû me rendre plus fervente pour reconnaître les bontés de Dieu à mon égard. Et tout au contraire, je méconnaissais mon cher Bienfaiteur et l’offensais par des infidélités qui provenaient de mon relâchement. J’avais plus de goût d’étudier la philosophie que de faire oraison. Ledit Père feuillant ne manquait pas à me venir donner des leçons et bientôt je commençais à parler de la philosophie à merveille et à tout mot j’en alléguais des traits des jurisconsultes et romains. Et une fois, à la profession d’une novice, je fis dans cette cérémonie un grand discours sur les vœux de religion, avant que de lui donner le voile noir. Et j’en disais du long et du large, j’étalais les traits de ma philosophie, les appropriant et spiritualisant autant que je pouvais. C’était en présence d’une nombreuse compagnie de plus de cent personnes qui étaient dans la chapelle, pour assister à cette profession et qui m’écoutaient avec une attention non pareille. Je m’étais placée proche de la grille de la Communion pour exhorter cette novice. Mon orgueil et mon amour-propre trouvèrent bien à se repaître dans cette action. Voilà en quelles folies je passais mon temps et employais l’esprit que Dieu m’avait donné pour sa gloire. Mais le Seigneur eut compassion de mon égarement et m’en fit connaître le danger en me donnant grâce pour en sortir. Il est vrai que j’avais toujours eu de temps en temps quelque petit mais faible désir de reprendre mes premières ferveurs. Car les entretiens que j’avais eus tout le carême avec mon Directeur, le Père Anginot, m’avaient bien un peu touchée. Mais je ne pouvais me résoudre à renoncer à mes petites libertés. Et quoique j’eusse fait quelquefois un peu d’effort pour rentrer dans la dévotion, ce n’était que faiblement, car je n’étais pas touchée de mon état et ne sentais guère de grands remords de conscience. Enfin ce moment heureux vint où je me sentis pénétrée de ma misérable et triste situation. Entendant lire à table la vie de sainte Thérèse et les peines qu’elle avait eues à quitter ses vains entretiens et à les découvrir à ses directeurs, cette lecture me toucha vivement le cœur. Les larmes commencèrent à couler et je fus obligée à sortir de table, n’ayant pas envie de manger. Je me décidai à faire venir mon directeur pour lui découvrir tous les plis et replis de ma conscience. Il

Part Two

113

true is it that comfort leads to bad judgment. Possessing what I had so desired, which was the establishment of the Jesuit college, plus the benefit of receiving a number of entrants from the town where we were beginning to be respected and loved, should have made me more fervent to acknowledge God’s bounty towards me. But on the contrary, I disregarded my dear Benefactor and offended him through the infidelities that sprang from my laxity. I had more of a taste for studying philosophy than for praying. The Feuillant father continued to give me lessons and soon I began to speak wonderfully about philosophy and with every word made reference to the tracts of legal scholars. And once, at the profession of a novice, I made a long speech during the ceremony on the vows of religion before giving her the black veil. And I spoke on this subject at length, I showed off my knowledge of philosophy, adapting and spiritualizing it as much as I could. This was in the presence of a crowd of more than a hundred people who were in the chapel to attend the profession and who listened to me with unparalleled attention. I placed myself near the communion grill to harangue the novice. My pride and vanity were encouraged by this action. Behold in what follies I spent my time and employed the spirit that God had given me for his glory. But the Lord had compassion on my errors and showed me the danger, helping me to give them up. It is true that I had always had from time to time some small but weak desire to return to my earlier fervor. Because the conversations that I had had throughout Lent with my spiritual director, Father Anginot, had certainly affected me a bit. But I could not resolve to renounce my little liberties. And although I had sometimes made a small effort to return to devotion, these were weak attempts, because I was not moved by my state and did not feel great remorse of conscience. Finally the happy moment came when I was struck by my wretched and sad situation. Hearing the life of St. Teresa read at the table and the difficulties she had had abandoning her vain conversations and revealing them to her spiritual directors, this reading touched my heart. The tears began to flow and I had to leave the table, having no desire to eat. I decided to send for my spiritual director to reveal to him all the secrets of my conscience. He encouraged

114

The Life of Antoinette Micolon

m’exhorta et encouragea à quitter mon relâchement et à rentrer dans mon devoir, ce que je lui promis de très bon cœur. Et m’étant confessée à lui, je lui réitérai la résolution dans laquelle j’étais de me réformer entièrement. Ce que j’exécutai tout de suite, en reprenant l’exercice de l’oraison mentale où le Seigneur voulut bien par sa bonté et sa miséricorde me faire goûter des consolations qui servaient beaucoup à m’encourager à bien faire et à me corriger de mes défauts. Et quand je tombais en quelque faute sur les libertés que je m’étais données cidevant, comme quand je laissais de faire oraison, j’en faisais l’aveu à mon directeur ainsi que j’y étais obligée. La dimanche des Rameaux, entrant dans mon cabinet trouvant la vie de sainte Thérèse sur la table, je trouvai à l’ouverture du livre ses gémissements au souvenir de ses péchés, qu’elle disait être très griefs, en ce qu’elle avait été cause que plusieurs personnes avaient pu offenser Dieu par ses entretiens trop familiers pour leur complaire, quoique de son côté elle n’y pensait en mal. Cela me fit ressouvenir de quelques petites familiarités que j’avais tolérées, étant à Clermont, dont je ne m’étais pas confessée, le regardant comme peu de chose pour lors, mais dans ce moment, j’entrai sur cela en de grand scrupule. A peine je pus attendre jusqu’après vêpres sans mander mon directeur auquel je me confessai, et fis de son consentement une confession générale avec de grands sentiments de douleur et contrition, ce qui me renouvela beaucoup dans la ferveur au service de Dieu et à la pratique de la mortification et austérités. Etant en oraison, le démon me vint troubler par ses suggestions, en me mettant dans l’idée que je n’étais pas en bon état et que je me perdrais à Tulle, y étant venue de mon propre mouvement. Et que je pouvais bien le reconnaître par le peu de progrès que j’y avais fait dans la vertu. Il n’était que trop vrai que j’avais passé quelque temps dans le relâchement, et le temps ci-devant dans le tracas et sollicitude. Je craignais d’avoir fait contre la volonté de Dieu cet établissement. Je me laissais aller au chagrin et me mis à pleurer, à me lamenter, à demander pardon à Dieu de mes fautes et principalement si j’étais venue en cette ville contre ses volontés. Après avoir donné cours à mes sanglots et à mes soupirs douloureux, je me sentis toute lasse et mon esprit se calma, devint tranquille. J’entendis la voix intérieure qui me disait: “Ma fille, pourquoi t’affliger de la sorte? C’est ma volonté que tu sois ici. C’est moi qui t’ai appelée et conduite.” Ces

Part Two

115

me to abandon my laxity and take up my duty again, which I gladly promised him. And after confessing to him, I repeated my resolution to entirely reform myself. This I did immediately, by taking up again the exercise of mental prayer through which the Lord wished in his bounty and mercy to have me taste the consolations which served greatly to encourage me to behave well and to correct my faults. And when I fell into some error pertaining to the liberties that I had previously taken, such as when I neglected to pray, I confessed it to my spiritual director as I was obliged to do. Entering my room on Palm Sunday, finding the life of St. Teresa on the table, I found upon opening the book her lamentations over the memory of her sins, which she said were very grave, because she had been the reason that several people had come to offend God through her overly familiar conversations which were intended to please them, although at the time she did not think there was any harm in it. This made me remember some small liberties that I had taken when I was in Clermont, which I had not confessed, regarding it then as a small thing, but now I considered this with great doubt. I could hardly wait until after Vespers to send for my spiritual director to whom I confessed, and with his consent made a general confession with great sadness and contrition, which greatly renewed my fervor for the service of God and ascetic practices. While I was praying, the devil came to disturb my thoughts, giving me the idea that I was in a sinful state and would lose myself in Tulle, having come there of my own will. And that I could easily recognize this from the small amount of progress I had made in virtue there. It was only too true that I had passed some time in laxity, and the time before this in worry and anxiety. I feared that I had created this establishment against the will of God. I gave myself over to grief and began to cry, to lament, to ask forgiveness from God for my faults and especially if I had come to this town against his wishes. After having released my tears and unhappy sighs, I felt exhausted and my spirit calmed down and became tranquil. I heard an inner voice which said to me: “My daughter why punish yourself in this way? It is my will that you be here. It is I who have called and guided you.” These inner

116

The Life of Antoinette Micolon

paroles intérieures venant du Dieu de paix et du Père des Lumières produisirent leurs effets. Le 4 décembre de l’année 1620, ayant fait les exercices spirituels de la retraite sous la conduite du Révérend Père de La Renodie, Jésuite, le Seigneur m’ayant départi quelques lumières, je fus inspirée de les mettre par écrit. Mais ne voulant le faire de mon propre mouvement, j’en parlai au Père de La Renodie à qui je communiquai mes dispositions les plus intérieures et tout ce qui se passait en moi avec une grande franchise et naïveté. Non seulement il l’approuva, mais me l’ordonna, voulant que j’écrivisse le passé, le présent et que je continuasse dans l’avenir. Sans cet ordre, j’aurais bien eu de la peine à m’y déterminer. Ce ne fut qu’alors que je commençai d’écrire tout ce qui me concerne depuis mon bas âge, tous les évènements et circonstances. Fasse le ciel que cela serve à la gloire de Dieu et au bien des âmes qui en feront lecture, qui y trouveront à admirer les miséricordes de Dieu envers son indigne servante; de même que tous les efforts que l’enfer a fait pour empêcher l’établissement de ce saint Ordre, prévoyant le grand bien qu’un si saint Institut produirait dans les âmes. Je compte pour bien peu de choses ce que j’ai eu à souffrir à ce sujet, soit de la part des créatures, soit de la malice du démon, trop heureuse que le Seigneur daigne se servir de ma bassesse pour concourir à ses desseins. Mais enfin il est temps de parler de la réception de notre bulle que j’avais fait venir de Rome par l’aide de Monsieur de Glani, banquier. Les communautés de Lyon, Clermont, Ambert etc. avaient reçu la leurs peu d’années avant, savoir en 1621. Ce petit retardement de la nôtre m’avait causé bien de la sollicitude. Nous prîmes l’habit de Saint-Augustin que portaient les Ursules de Toulouse et de Brive, avec la ceinture de cuir. Nous disions le grand office, usage que j’avais établi à Clermont et continué à Tulle. Lorsque nous eûmes fait l’année de noviciat, il nous fallut refaire notre profession en renouvelant et confirmant les vœux que nous avions déjà faits entre les mains de Monsieur Joachim d’Estaing, Evêque de Clermont. Nous étions alors 24 religieuses, car depuis l’établissement des Pères Jésuites les sujets nous venaient en foule. De façon que je continuais à faire construire nos bâtiments. Les deux corps de logis ne furent parachevés qu’au bout de six ans. Le tout fut payé des dots des religieuses, la somme de quarante-deux mille livres

Part Two

117

words from the God of peace and the Father of wisdom made an impression on me. On December 4, 1620, having completed the spiritual exercises of retreat under the guidance of the Jesuit Father de La Renodie, the Lord having sent me some visions, I was inspired to write them down. But not wishing to do this of my own will, I spoke of it to Father de La Renodie to whom I communicated the most intimate feelings of my soul and all that passed within me with great frankness and simplicity. He not only approved it, he ordered it, wishing me to write an account of the past, the present and that I continue in the future. Without this command, I would have had great difficulty deciding to do this. It was only then that I began to write all that has happened to me since my childhood, all the events and circumstances. Heaven allow this to serve the glory of God and benefit the souls who will read it, who will find to admire in it the mercies of God towards his unworthy servant, as well as all the attempts of the devil to stop the establishment of this holy order, forseeing the great good that such a holy Institute would produce in souls. I count as a very small thing what I had to suffer for this goal, whether on the part of men, or from the malice of the devil, too happy that the Lord deigns to use my baseness to achieve his plans. But at last it is time to speak of the reception of our bull which I had sent for from Rome through the help of a banker, Monsieur de Glani. The communities of Lyon, Clermont, Ambert, etc. had received theirs a few years before, that is in 1621. The small delay of ours had caused me a great deal of worry. We took the habit of St. Augustine worn by the Ursulines of Toulouse and Brive, with a leather belt. We said the divine office, a practice that I had established in Clermont and continued in Tulle. When we had completed the year of our noviciate, we renewed and confirmed the vows that we had already made in the hands of Joachim d’Estaing, the bishop of Clermont. We were by then 24 nuns, because since the establishment of the Jesuit Fathers postulants flocked to us. So I continued with the construction of our buildings. The two main buildings were only completed after six years. All of this was paid for by the dowries of the nuns, the sum of forty-two

118

The Life of Antoinette Micolon

que je dépensai, sans y comprendre l’église qui était bâtie aux frais et dépens de Madame de Conros. Pour continuer donc à raconter mes aventures, en voici une qui fit grand bruit, car il me fallut entrer en bataille avec le Gouverneur de la province qui avait dans notre maison une de ses vassales. C’était une jeune fille riche de trente mille livres. Il résolut de l’avoir à quelque prix que ce fut pour la donner en mariage à un de ses domestiques pour récompense de ses services. Si le Dieu des armées ne se fut déclaré en ma faveur et en celle de l’enfant, je perdais la victoire. Cette jeune fille n’était âgée que de 12 ans. Nous la nourrissions en qualité de pensionnaire, étant chargée de son éducation. Je l’aimais tendrement, ainsi qu’elle le méritait par ses aimables qualités et bonnes dispositions pour la vertu, et ne pouvais souffrir qu’on voulût ravir à Dieu une enfant si jeune et qui paraissait n’être point née pour le monde, lui connaissant beaucoup de vocation pour le cloître. Je ne pouvais me résoudre de me départir de cette chère enfant. Tout m’encourageait à tenir bon, mais principalement son désir, son attrait pour la vie religieuse. Je ne pouvais exposer une brebis innocente à la boucherie à cause de ses biens de fortune. Je me crus obligée de prendre sa défense. Ce qui m’animait à le faire venait de ce que dans une de mes oraisons, j’eus une vue où il me semblait voir une procession toute de vierges habillées de blanc et où cette petite demoiselle était, et comme la procession se faisait, ce Grand Seigneur et Gouverneur se présenta pour la ravir de la compagnie des autres vierges. Cette bonne enfant se débattait et me criait à l’aide pour que je la retirasse de la puissance de ce Gouverneur et autres gens de sa compagnie qui paraissaient être en grand nombre et des personnes d’autorité. Alors une voix intérieure me dit: “N’oublie rien pour la secourir. Je serai avec toi et la garantirai et te la donnerai pour religieuse. Prends ce puissant au collet et lui ôte sa proie. Je l’abattrai et serai ta force.” Il me sembla que dans le moment j’en venais à l’exécution, que j’accourais vers les premières vierges de cette procession où était en rang l’innocente brebis, je l’arrachais d’entre ses mains. Ayant donc lâché sa proie, lui et ses gens prirent la fuite, que j’avais épouvantés de parole et d’effet. La petite se jetant à mon cou, je l’amena. Il me fut dit au cœur: “Considère que tout ceci arrivera. Tiens bon, ne t’étonne de rien, je serai avec toi afin que le monde ne triomphe des épouses de JésusChrist.”

Part Two

119

thousand livres that I spent, not including the church which was built at the expense of Madame de Conros. To continue the account of my adventures, here is one which caused a great stir, because I had to battle the Governor of the province who had one of his retainers in our house. This was a young lady with a fortune of 30,000 livres. He resolved to have her back at any price to give her in marriage to one of his servants as compensation for his services. If the God of armies had not taken my side and that of the child, I would have lost the victory. The girl was only 12 years old. We were raising her as a boarder, having been charged with her education. I loved her tenderly, which she deserved because of her amiable disposition and propensity for virtue, and would not allow anyone to rob from God a child so young and who seemed not to be born for the world, recognizing in her a vocation for the cloister. I could not resolve to give up this dear child. Everything encouraged me to hold fast, but especially her desire, her inclination for the religious life. I could not lead an innocent lamb to the slaughter because of her wealth. I felt obligated to defend her. I was determined to do this because in one of my prayers, I had a vision in which there appeared a procession of virgins dressed in white among whom was this little girl, and as the procession continued, the great Lord and Governor came to snatch her from the company of the other virgins. The good child struggled and cried out for me to help her, to rescue her from the clutches of the Governor and the other people in his company, which seemed to be made up of many powerful people. Then a voice inside me said: “Spare nothing to help her. I will be with you and will protect her and give her to you as a nun. Take this powerful man by the collar and deprive him of his prey. I will fight him and be your strength.” I felt at that moment that I was about to accomplish this task, that I was running towards the virgins at the head of the procession where this innocent lamb was, was grabbing her from his hands. Having thus lost his prey, he and his people, whom I had terrified in both word and deed, took flight. The child threw herself on my neck, I led her away. I heard these words in my heart: “Know that all this will come to pass. Hold fast, let nothing take you by surprise, I will be with you so that the world will not triumph over the brides of Jesus Christ.”

120

The Life of Antoinette Micolon

Le tout arriva à peu près de même, mais avec plus de circonstances. Ledit Gouverneur fit tous ses efforts pour avoir cette enfant par menaces. Jusque-là que par l’entremise du tuteur de la demoiselle, qui était un de ses oncles et se trouvait aussi un sujet dudit Seigneur, il obtint pour cet effet jusqu’à sept arrêts de la Cour du Parlement de Bordeaux. Auxquels je résistai, jusque-là qu’ayant obtenu brisement des portes et grosse amende pour ce que je ne voulais remettre l’enfant aux officiers et commissaire venus à cet effet. Je m’avisai de bâtir entre deux murailles ladite demoiselle avec une religieuse pour lui tenir compagnie. Il y avait l’espace d’un lit et un petit trou de vue qu’on ne pouvait découvrir. Et les ayant assurées là, je retins dans le couvent les ouvriers déguisés pour épouvanter mais sans blesser ceux qui entreraient, me tenant assurée que quelques recherches qu’on fît, on ne la trouverait pas. Les gens de justice vinrent donc m’annoncer de nouveau qu’il fallait que je leur délivra la demoiselle, me prononcèrent l’arrêt qui portait: bris des portes et la saisie de notre temporel. Je me trouvais dans ce moment sans secours humains, sans conseil, mais Dieu m’assistait. Ayant ouï cet arrêt, je leur parlai avec fermeté, leur dis que je n’avais pas en mon pouvoir ladite demoiselle, qu’ayant eu le vent dudit arrêt, ses amis l’avaient mise en lieu d’assurance à sa prière, et que pour moi, je n’avais voulu attendre de me voir obligée et contrainte par la puissance et justice humaines à donner cette brebis à des loups ravissants, qui ne la cherchaient que pour les biens que la fortune lui avait laissés. Ils me repartirent que le même sujet me la faisait garder. Je répondis que l’effet le ferait voir. Enfin, après bien du conteste de part et d’autre, ils me firent faire réquisition d’ouvrir les portes pour la chercher ou qu’à ce défaut, ils les allaient briser. Je passe à la porte avec vitesse avec toutes les religieuses, excepté celle qui était bâtie entre les deux murailles avec ladite demoiselle. Ce fut alors que je leur parlai avec grande autorité leur disant qu’ils prissent garde à eux, que je leur demanderais compte par toutes les Cours de France de l’honneur de toutes mes religieuses qu’ils cherchaient et non pas la demoiselle, qu’il pouvait bien s’imaginer qu’ayant su leur pouvoir, je n’étais pas si peu avisée que de garder cette fille dans le couvent, ni ses amis ne l’auraient pas laissée ainsi exposée, mais que tout cela était des prétextes. Enfin leur dis-je, “Brisez ou plutôt je vais vous ouvrir, de crainte que, brisant nos portes

Part Two

121

Everything happened almost exactly like this, only in more detail. The Governor did everything he could to have this child, including employing threats. Through the intervention of the girl’s guardian, who was one of her uncles and also subject to this Lord, he went so far as to obtain seven orders from the Court of the Parlement of Bordeaux. All of which I resisted, until he obtained permission to break down our doors and collect a large fine for my not having given up the child to the officers and officials who had come for her. I had the idea of walling up this girl with a nun to keep her company. There was room for a bed and a small peephole which could not be seen. And having placed them there, I kept the workers in the convent in disguise to frighten, but not injure, anyone who entered, being certain that however much they might search, they would not find her. The officers of the court came to demand once more that I give the girl to them, reading the order that declared: break down the doors and seize her from our power. I found myself at that moment without human aid, without counsel, but God helped me. After hearing the order, I spoke firmly to them, told them that I did not have this girl in my power, that having caught wind of the order, her friends had taken her away at her request to a safe place, and that as for me, I would never have expected to be required and forced by the power and justice of men to give this lamb to ravenous wolves, who only sought her for the goods that fortune had given her. They replied that I was keeping her for the same reason. I responded that time would tell. Finally, after much arguing on both sides, they demanded that I open the doors so that they could look for her, otherwise they would break them down. I quickly went to the door with all the nuns, excepting the one who was walled up with the girl. Then I spoke to them with great authority, telling them that they should take care, that I would call them to account before all the courts of France for the honor of all my nuns that they wished to take, and not the girl, that it would be obvious that knowing their power, I was not so unwise as to keep this girl in the convent, nor would her friends have left her so exposed, but that all this was merely a pretext. Finally, I told them, “Break them down, or rather I will open them for you,

122

The Life of Antoinette Micolon

de bois, vous ne me priez de les recevoir d’argent et que je ne vous les demande d’or massif.” J’avais dans ce moment quatre ouvriers déguisés en religieuses qui avaient un voile transparent et abattu qui les attendaient à une autre porte pour les recevoir. Nous étions certaines qu’ils n’entreraient pas avec armes et toute la ville était pour nous. Sans doute que Dieu leur donna l’épouvante, ils remirent la partie à l’après-dîner, et s’étant retirés au logis, quelqu’un fit courir le bruit par la ville que toutes les femmes de notre rue et faubourg se voulaient élever contre eux et les jeter dans la rivière du pont en bas. C’était peut-être un de ces contes faits à plaisir. Mais quoiqu’il en soit, c’était Dieu qui nous tenait en sa protection et qui leur donnait quelque crainte pour ne pas passer plus avant. De façon que Monsieur le Lieutenant Général de Brive, qui était commissaire, dressa lui-même des récusations qui forma en l’air et me les envoya par le père d’une de nos religieuses, qui était son parent, et cela secrètement. Et me manda de les lui faire signifier par un notaire et qu’il se retirerait. Je fus combattue et indécise pour me rendre à cela, me tenant assurée de la fille. Mais notre conseil et quelqu’un de nos amis furent d’avis que puisqu’il donnait les mains, il les lui fallait donner. Ainsi les récusations furent faites et signifiées. Et tout de suite ils montèrent à cheval et s’en furent, avec les huées des enfants et des femmes qui leur criaient: “O! Les ravisseurs de religieuses, mais on les en a bien empêchés!” Ce Lieutenant était un homme fort sage et modéré. Il aima mieux souffrir cet affront que d’occasionner en se défendant un sédition du peuple ému, qu’il n’eût pas apaisé facilement. Et ainsi la chère demoiselle fut mise en liberté en la tirant de sa captivité. Mais l’assaut se renouvela bientôt. Car le Gouverneur vint lui-même en personne et bien accompagné à la ville, où étant arrivé, il me dépêcha de ses gentilshommes pour me prier de remettre la demoiselle à son tuteur. Je répondis à ces messieurs que je ne voulais aucunement violenter ses volontés, que si elle le voulait, les portes lui seraient ouvertes, mais que si elle ne le voulait pas, rien ne serait ouvert. Que je ne la violenterais point. La fille fut donc appelée, qui leur résista fort et ferme. Cela ne l’apaisa pas. Il renvoit me mander qu’il ferait investir notre maison de dix mille soldats, ou il aurait cette fille. A cela je lui fis répondre que je prierais Dieu et qu’Il nous enverrait au secours onze mille

Part Two

123

for fear that having broken our wooden doors, you would ask me to receive silver ones in return, and I would ask you for solid gold ones.” I had at that moment four workers disguised as nuns who wore a transparent and lowered veil and waited at another door to receive them. We were certain that they would not enter by force and the whole town was for us. No doubt God made them afraid, they gave up and returned home that afternoon, after which someone spread the rumor throughout the town that all the women in our street and neighborhood wanted to rise up against them and throw them in the river from the lower bridge. This may have been one of those made-up stories. But in any case, it was God who protected us and who made them afraid to go ahead with their plans. So that the Lieutenant General of Brive, who had been given charge of the matter, all in a fluster, himself drew up the legal appeals, and he sent them to me secretly through the father of one of our nuns, who was his relative. And told me to have them notarized and that he would withdraw. I was torn about whether to agree to this, remaining firm about the girl. But our lawyer and one of our friends were of the opinion that since he was offering his hand, we must give him ours. So the appeals were drawn up and notarized. And they immediately mounted their horses and left, amidst the shouting of children and women who cried out after them: “Oh! The ravishers of nuns, but they have been stopped!” The Lieutenant was a very wise and moderate man, he preferred to suffer this insult rather than defend himself and cause a revolt of the people, which he could not easily have put down. And so the dear young lady was freed and released from her captivity. But the assault soon began again. Because the Governor himself came to the town with his men, where upon his arrival, he immediately sent some of his gentlemen to bid me to restore the girl to her guardian. I replied to these gentlemen that I did not wish to force her to do anything against her will, that if she wished it, the doors would be opened for her, but that if she did not wish it, nothing would be opened. That I would not force her. So the girl was called, who resisted them resolutely. This did not satisfy him. He sent word to inform me that he would have the girl or surround our house with 10,000 soldiers. To this I responded that I would pray to God and that He would send to our aid 11,000 virgins to

124

The Life of Antoinette Micolon

vierges pour la défense de cette vierge, lesquelles les abattraient. Ils furent entrer en consulte, ne sachant plus quel parti prendre, et en attendant je mis la fille en lieu d’assurance. Il leur fut conseillé de procéder par voie de douceur. Il envoya chercher les religieux des deux différents ordres qui m’étaient dévoués pour les prier de me venir persuader d’envoyer cette fille jusqu’à son logis et la mettre, pour cet effet, entre les mains de qui je voudrais, qu’il me protestait et s’obligerait de me le rendre. Mais qu’il voulait qu’il fût dit qu’il avait eu la demoiselle en son pouvoir, qu’il voulait apprendre de sa propre bouche sa résolution et puis nous la renverrait. Que la fille devait être en lieu de liberté pour parler franchement, et non dans le couvent. Les Révérends Pères Jésuites et les Révérends Pères Feuillants vinrent faire leur délations, n’ayant pu refuser cela au Gouverneur. Ils se doutaient bien d’avance qu’après avoir soutenu tant d’assauts et d’épouvantes je ne lâcherais pas prise à leur simple parole. Les ayant donc entendus et remerciés de leur peine et des promesses et offres du Gouverneur, je leur dis de lui dire que je n’avais plus la fille en mon pouvoir, que la crainte l’avait fait retirer dans la nuit en lieu d’assurance chez ses amis, ajoutant que quand je l’aurais, je ne l’enverrais pas au Gouverneur nonobstant toutes ses promesses, quoique grand seigneur et gouverneur de la province, de crainte que quand il la tiendrait, il ne me la remît pas. Que j’étais une pauvre religieuse étrangère et hors d’état de lui aller sauter au collet, que n’ayant pas de parents dans le pays, j’étais persuadée que les principaux de la ville n’iraient pas attaquer un Gouverneur. Je répétai pour toute conclusion que la fille n’était plus en mon pouvoir, qu’il la vint chercher s’il en doutait, si cela lui était permis. On lui fit cette réponse de laquelle il en fut si irrité qu’il en jetait feu et flamme, demandant d’où j’étais. On lui dit que j’étais d’Auvergne. “Je n’en doute pas,” dit-il, “qu’elle est si opiniâtre!” Enfin on lui conseilla de n’user pas de violence à l’endroit des religieuses, et que probablement il n’y trouverait pas la demoiselle

Part Two

125

defend this virgin, who would destroy them.12 They consulted, no longer knowing what to do, and while we waited I placed the girl in a safe place. They were advised to proceed with care. He sent for monks from two different orders who were devoted to me to ask them to persuade me to send the girl to his lodgings, and to this end to place her in the hands of whomever I wished, that he swore to me and gave his word that he would return her to me. But that he wanted it to be said that he had had the girl in his power, that he wanted to hear her decision from her own mouth, and then he would send her back.That the girl must be in a place where she was at liberty to speak frankly, and not in the convent. The Jesuit and Feuillant Fathers came to present this case, having been unable to refuse the Governor. They were very doubtful that after having sustained so many assaults and terrors I would be persuaded by their word alone. After having listened to them and thanked them for their trouble and for the Governor’s promises and offers, I told them to tell him that I no longer had the girl in my power, that fear had led her to retreat to a safe place during the night among her friends, adding that even if I had her, I would not send her to the Governor despite all his promises, although he was a great Lord and Governor of the province, for fear that once he had her he would not return her to me. That I was a poor nun and a foreigner and not in a position to collar him, that having no relations in this country, I knew that the leaders of the town were not going to attack a Governor. I repeated in closing that the girl was no longer in my power, that he could come look for her if he doubted this, if this were permitted him. They conveyed this response to him which irritated him so much that he flew into a rage, demanding to know where I was from. They told him I was from the Auvergne. “I do not doubt it,” he said, “since she is so stubborn!” Finally he was advised not to use violence towards a house of nuns, and that he probably would not find the girl there, who must 12

According to legend, St. Ursula, the patron saint of the Ursulines, was a British princess who was martyred along with her 11,000 virgin companions around the fourth century. Seventeenth-century Ursulines saw themselves as following in the footsteps of Ursula and her companions in their teaching and missionary activities, and Ursuline writers emphasized their heroism and military valor. For more on this story, see Linda Lierheimer, “Rewriting Religious History”The Feminism of Seventeenth Century Ursulines,” Critical Matrix 2 (1986):32-59 and “Female Eloquence and Maternal Ministry,” 11-13, 116-118, 192-198.

126

The Life of Antoinette Micolon

qu’on devait avoir mise en lieu d’assurance, et qu’il ne lui en resterait que l’affront et le déplaisir de n’avoir réussi dans la recherche. Il adopta ce conseil, désespérant en effet d’y réussir, et se retira. Et la fille fut tranquille, persévéra dans le désir d’être religieuse. Je lui donnai le voile le même jour de la prise d’habit d’une autre prétendante. Et quand on sut qu’elle était novice, qu’on la vit voilée, on s’arrêta et désista encore plus. Il fallut alors venir à composition. Je quittai ses droits à une de ses sœurs pour deux mille écus, et m’en coûta cinq cents écus de poursuite ou défense. Et ainsi elle fit profession dans son temps et vécut en bonne et parfaite religieuse. Lors de cet événement, nos bâtiments étaient presque finis, car ils durèrent bien six ans au moins avant que d’être entièrement perfectionnés. J’ai marqué et circonstancié par le menu tous les événements précédents. Si j’eusse continué les dernières années, il y en aurait tant à dire comme j’en ai ci-devant écrit. Mais je me bornerai, comme j’ai déjà dit, à quelques autres articles des plus considérables qui prolongeront ce cahier. Environ l’année 1628, la peste arriva par tous les environs et parvint à Tulle, et dont je fus atteinte et en fut délivrée par la grâce de Dieu qui voulait me laisser encore dans cette vallée de larmes. Toutes nos religieuses en furent préservées par la bonté de Dieu, et les soins d’une prudence humaine que je crus devoir employer, et dont la suite me prouva que je n’avais sans doute pas assez eu de recours à Dieu pour préserver les esprits d’une peste plus dangereuse que celle des corps. Quant à moi, je crois que j’en guéris par l’intercession du glorieux saint Roch, auquel je me recommandai fort et fis vœu de lui faire son tableau en broderie sur un satin blanc, ce que je fis et le donnai à sa chapelle dans l’Eglise Cathédrale. Et le jour de sa fête, après avoir fait la Sainte Communion, je sentis ou reçus une assurance que ce grand saint avait obtenu de Dieu que notre monastère serait préservé de peste. Elle était très violente par tous les environs, ainsi que dans la ville de Tulle qui se voyant affligée de ce fleau se voua à saint Roch et lui fit bâtir une chapelle hors la ville où tous les ans on devait aller en procession, portant en grande révérence son tableau en forme de banière.

Part Two

127

have been put in a safe place, and that all he would get out of it was the shame and annoyance of not having succeeded in his search. He took this advice, despairing of success, and left. And the girl was at peace and persevered in her desire to become a nun. I gave her the veil the same day as another girl took the habit. And when they heard that she was a novice, that she had taken the veil, they stopped and desisted still more. We then had to reach a settlement. I gave up her inheritance rights in favor of one of her sisters for two thousand écus, and this cost me five hundred écus in legal fees. And so she went on to take her vows and lived as a good and perfect nun. At the time of this event our buildings were almost finished, because it took at least six years before they were completed. I have noted and described in detail all the preceding events. If I had continued during these last years, there would be as much to say about them as I have already written. But I will limit myself, as I have already said, to a few of the most important events which will continue this notebook. Around the year 1628, the plague arrived in the area and made its way to Tulle, and I suffered and was delivered from it by the grace of God who wished me to remain in this valley of tears. All our nuns were preserved from it through God’s goodness, and through the practical care and prudence that I employed, and what followed showed me that I had not relied enough on God to preserve souls from a plague more dangerous than that of the body. As for me, I believe that I was cured through the intercession of the glorious St. Roch,13 to whom I entrusted myself and made a vow to embroider his picture on a background of white satin, which I did and gave to his chapel in the Cathedral Church. And on his feast day, after having taken holy Communion, I felt or received an assurance that this great saint had obtained a favor from God that our convent would be preserved from the plague. It was rife throughout the whole region, as well as in the town of Tulle which being afflicted by this scourge dedicated itself to St. Roch and had a chapel built to him outside the town, where every year they would march in procession, carrying his picture on a banner with great reverence. 13 St. Roch was a fourteenth-century saint known for caring for victims of the plague.

128

The Life of Antoinette Micolon

La maladie contagieuse s’échauffant toujours de plus en plus, il fut trouvé bon, à cause du grand nombre que nous étions, de nous séparer, faisant sortir la moitié des religieuses pour aller dans un château près de chez Madame de Conros, fondatrice. Y pouvant aller sans passer dans la ville, nous pouvions en conséquence de cet endroit secourir le couvent. Nous sortîmes donc au nombre de trente et en laissâmes vingt-cinq dans le couvent. Je fus du nombre de celles qui sortirent à raison de ma charge. Les novices avec leur maîtresse sortirent aussi, et Dieu voulut bien nous préserver de la contagion. Mais il ne se peut dire ce que j’eus à souffrir de peine et de sollicitude durant neuf mois que nous restâmes dehors pour pourvoir celles de la ville et de la campagne, cela serait trop long à déduire. Le Seigneur me fit la grâce de réussir au soin du temporel. Sa protection était visible et me pénétrait de sentiments de reconnaissance. Mais hélas! que vais-je dire? Les corps furent garantis et le diable attaqua les esprits. Le diable, ennemi de la paix et jaloux de celle qui régnait parmi nous, se leva de grand matin pour semer la zizanie dans ce beau champ de 55 religieuses qui depuis l’établissement de la maison avaient été si bien unies. Pour l’orage qui s’éleva dans cette circonstance, il dura longtemps comme vous allez voir. La première chose par où on commença à m’attaquer, ce fut par lettres d’une des anciennes et de celle qui paraissait m’être le plus attachée et qui me l’avait été en effet, ayant toujours eu l’une pour l’autre une grande estime et une amitié solide et bien fondée. Cette chère Sœur me paraissait être si fortement attachée et dévouée qu’on disait communément que pour avoir rémission et pardon d’elle, il valait mieux l’offenser elle-même que moi, tant elle était sensible à ce qui me touchait. Mais comme on dit: des grandes amitiés, grandes inimitiés. De mon côte, je l’avais beaucoup obligée en bien des rencontres, appuyée et autorisée partout. C’était aussi celle à qui je me confiais le plus. Dieu voulut me faire connaître qu’il n’y a que lui seul de fidèle ami. Les lettres que je recevais et les paroles que j’entendais étaient bien propres à m’affliger. Cette religieuse ayant levé le masque, agissant ouvertement, fut suivie de plus de quarante et presque de toutes. Le temps arrivait de nous retirer, quoique la peste fût encore dans la ville. Mais je ne pouvais plus demeurer dehors. Je sentais le loup dans la bergerie, de part et d’autre, sans savoir quel moyen pren-

Part Two

129

As the epidemic became worse and worse, we found it best because of our great number to divide up, with half the nuns leaving for a chateau near the home of our foundress, Madame de Conros. As we were able to get there without passing through the town, we could thus from there assist the convent. So thirty of us departed and left twenty-five in the convent. I was among those who left because of my office. The novices and their mistress left as well, and it was God’s will that we be spared by the epidemic. But I cannot describe what troubles and worries I had to suffer during the nine months that we stayed away to provide for those in town and in the country, this would take too long to tell. The Lord gave me the grace to succeed in caring for their temporal needs. I was extremely grateful for His visible protection. But alas! What can I say? Their bodies were saved and the devil attacked their souls. The devil, enemy of peace and jealous of that which reigned among us, arose late in the morning to sow dissension in this beautiful field of 55 nuns who since the establishment of the house had been so well united. For the storm that was raised on this occasion lasted for a long time, as you shall see. The attack began with letters from one of the older nuns and from the one who seemed to be most attached to me, and who had been, in fact, as we had always had a great esteem for each other and a solid and well-established friendship. This dear Sister seemed to be so strongly attached and devoted to me that it was commonly said that it would be easier for her to forgive and pardon someone who offended her rather than me, so sensitive was she to whatever hurt me. But as it is said: from great friendships come great enmities. On my part, I had obliged her a great deal on many occasions, had always backed her up and supported her. She was also the one in whom I confided the most. God wished to teach me that there was no faithful friend but him. The letters that I received and the words that I heard were truly hurtful. This nun having raised her mask, acting openly, was followed by more than forty or almost all of them. The time arrived for us to leave, although the plague was still in the town. But I could no longer stay away. I felt the wolf was among the sheep, though I did not know how to make him leave. So I de-

130

The Life of Antoinette Micolon

dre pour l’en sortir. Je décidai donc à rentrer au monastère. Et comme j’avais fait vœu à la Sainte Vierge que si elle nous faisait la grâce de revenir toutes dans notre couvent en santé, exemptes de la maladie contagieuse, que nous y rentrerions par la grande porte du jardin, car la porte conventuelle du côté dedans la ville était encore fermée, que nous irions en procession, chantant les litanies le tour du jardin, et que celles du dedans nous viendraient recevoir à la porte avec la croix. Leur ayant fait savoir le vœu que j’avais fait, elles me mandèrent tout net que cela ne leur plaisait pas et qu’elles ne voulaient point de cette procession. Je m’obstinai à le vouloir, l’ayant promis par vœu. Elles s’y rendirent, la procession fut faite, et toutes y entrèrent en bonne santé. Dès que les oraisons d’action de grâce furent dites, elles eurent grand peine à me saluer. Je me vis dans le moment presque toute seule, sinon quatre ou cinq de celles qui étaient venues avec moi. Nous retirâmes dans une chambre où à peine je pus avoir crédit qu’on nous offrît collation ou pour nous rafraîchir. Je me courrouçai et fis connaître que je n’étais pas insensible. Mais elles parurent ne pas beaucoup s’en soucier. Ce qui m’affligeait le plus était que je prévoyais que tout ceci n’était que le prélude de tout ce qui en devait suivre et où Dieu serait offensé. Je ne savais quel parti prendre et quel remède y apporter. Le plus grand nombre de celles qui étaient revenues avec moi se rangèrent du côté le plus fort et se bandèrent contre moi. Et un jour que j’en conférais avec quelques-unes des plus modérées et prudentes de celles qui me compatissaient, voici que tout le gros en députa quatre qui vinrent fort hardiment dans ma chambre me dire que la communauté ne voulait plus que je fus Supérieure, ni que je fis aucune assemblée dans ma chambre, pas même de deux ou trois Religieuses. Et nous n’y étions pour lors que trois. Cette proposition me fit encore plus connaître qu’il s’était formé un parti de désunion qui allait éclater. Je répandis quelques larmes, réclamant Dieu et sa miséricorde. Et dans ce moment, une de celles qui étaient avec moi, qui était une très vertueuse religieuse qui n’approuvait pas ce traitement, se leva de son siège, les prit toutes quatre par la main et leur fit passer la porte, en les reprenant, leur disant que j’étais Supérieure et avais pouvoir de parler aux religieuses et non elles de faire ce qu’elles faisaient. Cette bonne fille me disait

Part Two

131

cided to return to the convent. And as I had made a vow to the Holy Virgin that if she granted us the favor of returning healthy to our convent, all of us free of the plague, that we would return through the great door in the garden, because the convent door on the village side was still closed, that we would march in procession, singing litanies as we went round the garden, and that those inside would come to receive us at the door with the cross. Having informed them of the vow I had made, they wrote and told me flatly that this did not please them and that they did not want this procession at all. I insisted on it, having promised it through a vow. They gave in, we held the procession, and everyone entered in good health. As soon as the prayers of thanksgiving had been said, they greeted me reluctantly. I found myself at that moment almost completely alone, except for four or five of those who had come with me. We withdrew to a room where we were scarcely given the courtesy of an offer of a meal or refreshment. I became angry and let it be known that this upset me. But they didn’t seem much worried by this. What grieved me most was that I foresaw that all this was only the prelude to everything that would follow and in which God would be offended. I did not know what to do or how to remedy this. The majority of those who had returned with me joined the stronger side against me. And one day while I was conferring about this with some of the most moderate and prudent of those who sympathized with me, the majority sent four of them who came boldly into my room to tell me that the community no longer wished me to be Superior or that I have any meetings in my room, not even of two or three nuns. And there were only three of us there. This proposal made me even more aware that a party of disunion had formed which was about to explode. I shed some tears, beseeching God and his mercy. And in that instant, one of those who was with me, who was a very virtuous nun who did not approve of this treatment, rose from her seat, took all four of them by the hand and showed them out the door, while reproving them, telling them that I was the Superior and had the right to speak to the nuns, unlike they who did not to do what they were doing. This good woman

132

The Life of Antoinette Micolon

des paroles de consolation qui me portaient à la confiance, me disant encore: “Ma Mère, l’heure est venue à laquelle Dieu veut vous éprouver. Il en faut pas une plus grande marque que celle où après avoir tant pris de peine et de soin pour les toutes garantir de la contagion, votre remerciment est des affronts et mauvais traitements. Dieu veut être seul votre récompense. Il ne veut pas que vous en receviez des créatures. Aussi n’ont-elles pas le pouvoir de le faire.” Ces paroles et autres de cette bonne sœur me calmèrent et m’encouragèrent à porter la croix que le Seigneur m’envoyait pour l’expiation de mes péchés. Lesdites sœurs qui faisaient bande à part mirent les novices en fête et en humeur, demandant une autre maîtresse que celle que je leur avais donnée. Je leur refusai celle qu’elles me demandaient pour de bonnes raisons. Et une de celles qui me tracassait le plus me dit avec suffisance que cela me plût ou non, qu’elle aurait la maîtresse qu’elle me demandait, me disant qu’on prenait plus de mouches au miel qu’au vinaigre, et autres paroles fort hautes pour une novice, mais elle était appuyée. Je vis là un grand désordre, et après avoir réfléchi et gémi devant le Seigneur, j’assemblai le chapitre, leur offrant les clefs, le gouvernement, et que je voulais bien être déposée de la charge de Supérieure. Elles commencèrent à chanter victoire et à crier tout haut en sautant et en se tenant par la main comme si elles voulaient danser: “Courage, courage! Election, élection!” Les mêmes sœurs qui étaient dans ces transports de joie furent les premières à se repentir. Car dans la suite qu’elles jouissaient du fruit de leurs travaux, elles eurent le temps de gémir et pleurer et de convertir leur folle joie en tristesse. Mais revenons aux négociatrices, à ces quatre qui vinrent dans ma chambre faire l’office d’ambassadeur. Elles furent peu de jours après dans la cellule de celle qui leur avait fait passer la porte, comme j’ai dit ci-dessus. Et leur dessein était de la solliciter et lui persuader, par tout ce qu’elles purent lui dire à mon désavantage, de se ranger de leur parti et de quitter le mien. Ayant ouï leurs propos, elle prend son crucifix en main et les sortit de la chambre en leur disant: “Allez, mes sœurs, tant que celui qui est mort en la croix, lequel ce crucifix me représente, sera mon Dieu, et sachant qu’il le sera éternellement, j’obéirai à ma Supérieure. C’est Lui qui me le commande et Il vous punira de ne le pas faire, de vous révolter contre elle sans nul sujet, de la mépriser, de la payer d’ingratitude, et d’entretenir la désunion,

Part Two

133

reassured me with words of consolation, adding, “My Mother, the time has come when God wishes to test you. There is no greater proof than that after having taken so much pain and care to save us all from sickness, your thanks is insults and bad treatment. God wishes to be your sole recompense. He does not want you to receive any from men. Besides they do not have the power to do this.” These and other words from this good Sister calmed me and encouraged me to bear the cross that the Lord sent me as penance for my sins. Those sisters who made up a separate party stirred up the novices, demanding a mistress other than the one that I had given them. I refused them the one they asked for for good reasons. And one of those who most opposed me told me conceitedly that whether it pleased me or not, she would have the mistress that she asked for, saying that one caught more flies with honey than with vinegar, and other very haughty words for a novice, but she was backed up. I saw in this a great disorder, and after having reflected and lamented before the Lord, I assembled the chapter, offering them the keys, the government, and that I wished to be deposed of the charge of Superior. They began to celebrate their victory, and to shout while jumping and holding each other’s hands as if they were dancing, “Come, come! Election! Election!” These same sisters who were in such transports of joy were the first to repent. Because after they enjoyed the fruits of their labor, they had time to moan and cry and their foolish joy was converted to sadness. But let us return to the negotiators, to the four who came to my room acting as ambassadors. A few days later, they were in the cell of the one who had showed them the door, as I have related above. And their plan was to persuade her, by saying everything they could to my disadvantage, to join their party and to leave mine. Having heard their talk, she took her crucifix in hand and escorted them out of her room saying: “Go, my sisters, as long as he who died on the cross who appears on this crucifix is my God, and knowing that he will be forever, I will obey my Superior. It is He who commands this of me and He will punish you for not doing this, for revolting against her for no reason, for scorning her, for repaying her with ingratitude, and for creating disunion, which of-

134

The Life of Antoinette Micolon

blesser la charité.” Car en effet, il se disait des calomnies, de faux rapports qu’on aurait peine à croire et que je supprime. Mon pauvre cœur en était navré et je ne pouvais comprendre comment des religieuses témoins de ma conduite, qui avait été dans ces dernières années plus régulière que jamais, ayant eu alors la direction du Révérend Père Anginot, m’en eussent imposé de la sorte. Je regrettais ce directeur que j’avais eu le malheur de perdre depuis peu. Aussi n’avais-je plus d’appui des créatures. Tout au contraire, j’étais fort délaissée. Et par surcroît, le Seigneur me laissa tout ce temps tremper dans l’amertume, sans me donner les consolations et lumières qu’il avait accoutumé dans mes oraisons et dans la Communion. Quant à l’élection d’une autre Supérieure, elle ne se put faire, quoique je l’eus offerte et que la plus grande partie l’eût acceptée. Il se trouva des personnes sages et judicieuses qui s’y opposèrent, eu égard à la circonstance du temps, disant que ne venant que d’arriver du château avec les autres où la crainte de la peste nous avait fait retirer et où j’avais eu bien des sollicitudes pour pourvoir au temporel ainsi qu’au spirituel pour y faire pratiquer la règle, et que ma déposition répugnait trop à la gratitude, que ce serait un plus grand déshonneur au couvent qu’à moi, qu’on usât d’une telle conduite à mon arrivée. Monsieur le Vicaire Général s’y opposa fortement et ne voulut jamais se rendre à leurs vœux et à leurs désirs empressés qu’elles faisaient bien connaître sans dissimulation. Et que Dieu les affligea bien dans la suite, principalement celle qui tenait le timon de tout ce parti. Elle en fit bien le pénitence, en souffrit beaucoup et fut fort méprisée à son tour. Dieu sait ce qui nous est nécessaire. Et c’est encore un effet de son amour, lorsqu’il nous châtie en ce monde. Enfin ne voyant point de moyen pour faire revenir les esprits, après avoir patienté quelque temps dans l’espérance que les dispositions changeraient en mieux, j’eus la douleur de voir que je n’étais plus goûtée et que je ne ferais plus de fruits dans cette maison. Je pensais que Dieu sans doute n’y agréait plus mes services et qu’il m’appelait ailleurs. J’en conférais avec les religieuses qui étaient de mes amies et qui pensaient sensément. Lesquelles me conseillèrent fort de m’absenter et d’accepter la fondation qui se présentait. Leurs conseils furent conformes à ce que je croyais que le Seigneur demandait de moi, plus qu’à mon inclination naturelle. Car je ne sentais pas autant d’ardeur

Part Two

135

fends charity.” Because in fact, the slander and false rumors that were being spread, which I pass over here, would be difficult to believe. My poor heart was broken by this and I could not understand how these nuns who had witnessed my conduct, which had been in recent years more regular than ever, having been then under the direction of the Reverend Father Anginot, could have treated me in this way. I missed this director who I had had the bad luck to lose not long before. Also I no longer had the support of men. On the contrary, I was completely abandoned. And in addition, the Lord left me all this time to steep in bitterness, without giving me the consolations and insights that I was used to in my prayers and in Communion. As for the election of another Superior, this could not be done, although I had offered and the majority had accepted it. There were some wise and judicious people opposed to this, considering the circumstances of the times, saying that having just arrived from the chateau with the others where the fear of the plague had made us retire and where I had taken great care to provide for their temporal as well as spiritual needs by enforcing the rule, that my deposition would be terribly ungrateful, that such behavior upon my return would be a greater dishonor to the convent than to me. The Vicar General was strongly opposed to it and refused to give in to their wishes and ardent desires which they made well known and did not try to hide. And God would punish them later, especially the one who was at the helm of this faction. She would suffer and do penance for what she had done, and would take her turn being greatly despised. God knows what we need. And even when he punishes us in this world, it is an expression of his love. Finally, seeing no way of changing their minds, after having waited some time in the hope that their attitudes would change for the better, I sadly accepted that I was no longer appreciated and that I would produce no more fruits in this house. It seemed clear that God no longer wanted my services there and that he was calling me elsewhere. I conferred with the nuns who were my friends and who were sensible. They strongly advised me to leave and to accept the foundation that was offered. Their advice was in keeping with what I believed the Lord asked of me, more than with my natural inclination. Because I did not feel as passionate about the

136

The Life of Antoinette Micolon

pour cet établissement de Beaulieu que j’en avais ressentie pour les autres. Ou du moins la sortie du monastère de Tulle me faisait peine, malgré les mauvaises manières des religieuses. Je me décidais à entreprendre cette fondation pour la gloire de Dieu, et je voyais aussi que la médecine la plus salutaire à cette maladie de nos sœurs était mon éloignement et séparation. Je fis des diligences pour procurer au plus tôt cette fondation, que je voyais d’autant plus facile que nous avions dans notre maison de Tulle trois filles religieuses qui étaient des meilleures familles de Beaulieu. J’avais demeuré dans la maison de Tulle 14 ans et toujours Supérieure, y ayant fait l’acquisition de tout le sol qui coûta 9 mille livres et fait bâtir deux grands corps de logis ou pavillons où sont les chambres des religieuses et tous les offices du couvent, ayant pris pour cela des soins et de très grands travaux, comme j’ai marqué cidevant. Que toutes les dépenses montaient à quarante-deux mille livres sans don quelconque de personne, ni bienfaits, que des dots des religieuses, et de l’épargne ou de la bourse de la divine Providence et des soins d’un bon curé, notre confesseur, qui nous rendait ses services. Tout avait réussi à merveille. Il n’y avait que la voûte de l’église, qu’une de mes sœurs, devenant Supérieure 12 ou 15 ans après moi, fit faire. Et Madame de Conros avait payé tout ce qu’avait coûté l’église, à l’exception de la voûte. Le nombre des religieuses était de 57, outre celles qui étaient mortes, dont il y en avait sept. Je laissais le monastère riche de 57 mille livres, dont la rente se levait, et le monastère bien meublé, l’église bien ornée par Madame de Conros. Tout cela était une grande satisfaction pour moi qui adoucissait les déplaisirs que je ressentais de leur ingratitude, espérant que Dieu serait ma récompense. Il fallut donc me décider à partir pour l’établissement de Beaulieu, malgré tout l’attachement que je sentais pour cette maison, voyant à ce sujet la volonté de Dieu toute manifeste. Heureuse encore si ma sortie eût apporté la paix, mais le trouble y dura bien quelques années, jusqu’à la déposition d’une des supérieures qui avait été en partie l’auteur ou la plus coupable de la division à mon égard. Laquelle ne pouvant être confirmée dans sa charge, tout fut divulgué et la paix et l’union se rétablit ci-après. Elles n’avaient reçu que deux ou trois filles pour religieuses dans l’espace de 9 ans que le trouble avait duré. Mais grâce au Seigneur, personne de la ville, ni même les

Part Two

137

Beaulieu foundation as I had about the others. Or at least leaving the Tulle convent pained me, in spite of the bad behavior of the nuns. I decided to undertake this foundation for the glory of God, and I also saw that the most effective medicine for the sisters’ disease was my exile and separation. I worked hard to procure this foundation as soon as possible, which I found much easier since we had in our Tulle convent three nuns who were from among the best families in Beaulieu. I had lived in the Tulle house for 14 years where I had always been Superior, having acquired all the land, which cost 9,000 livres, and built two great main buildings or wings which housed the nuns’ rooms and all the offices of the convent, having taken great care and worked very hard for this, as I have noted above. The total cost came to forty-two thousand livres without any gift from anyone, nor donations, except for the dowries of the nuns, and at the expense or from the purse of divine Providence and the care of a good curé, our confessor, who provided us with assistance. Everything had succeeded marvelously. There remained only the roof of the church, which one of my sisters, who became Superior twelve or fifteen years after me, completed. And Madame de Conros had paid for everything which concerned the church, except the roof. There were fifty-seven nuns, not counting those who had died, of which there were seven. I left the convent with 57,000 livres in assets, which our investments were increasing, and the convent well furnished, the church well decorated by Madame de Conros. All this was very gratifying to me which softened my grief from their ingratitude, hoping that God would be my reward. So I had no choice but to leave for the Beaulieu foundation, in spite of the great attachment I felt for this house, recognizing that this was the clear will of God. I would even have been happy if my leaving had brought about peace, but the trouble there lasted for at least a few more years, until the deposition of one of the Superiors who had been in part the author or the most guilty of the division with regard to me. After she was not confirmed in her office, all was revealed and peace and union were soon reestablished. They had received only two or three girls as nuns during the nine years that the trouble had lasted. But thanks to the Lord, no one in the town, not

138

The Life of Antoinette Micolon

pensionnaires, n’avait eu la moindre connaissance de cette désunion et je sortis avec cet agrément. Car en effet il est très important de laisser ignorer de telles choses aux séculiers si on ne veut détruire et ruiner son monastère. Quoiqu’il en soit, cela ne peut produire que de bien mauvais effets. Outre le scandale, cela imprime une mauvaise réputation pour lesdites communautés qui ne s’efface pas facilement et qui porte de grand tort. Il n’y a rien qui rendent les maisons religieuses si florissantes qu’une bonne renommée soutenue par les bonnes mœurs. Enfin, pour finir la narration de mes aventures de Tulle, je dis que j’en supprime plus que je n’en ai écrit. Et ce que j’en ai mis ici n’a été qu’avec peine et que pour obéir à mes supérieurs et directeurs qui m’avaient commandé d’écrire toutes les principales choses qui m’arriveraient et tout ce qui concernerait mon intérieur. Fasse le Seigneur que ce soit à sa plus grande gloire, et pour le bien de mes chères sœurs, si toutefois ces écrits demeurent entre leurs mains. Elles verront ce qu’il en a coûté pour l’établissement desdites maisons, que de peine, de sollicitude, de contradiction de la part des créatures et des efforts et malice du diable. Elles en doivent d’autant plus chérir notre saint Institut qui a excité toute la rage de l’enfer, et travailler avec zèle à l’instruction de la jeunesse.

Part Two

139

even the boarders, had had the least knowledge of this disunion, and I left with this satisfaction. Because indeed it is very important to keep the laity in ignorance of such things if one does not wish to destroy and ruin one’s convent. In any case, this could only leave a bad impression. Besides scandal, it creates a bad reputation for these communities which cannot easily be erased and which carries great harm. There is nothing that makes religious houses flourish so much as a good reputation sustained by good morals. Finally, to finish the story of my adventures in Tulle, I must say that I have left out more than I have written about. And what I have put down here has been only with difficulty and to obey my superiors and directors who had commanded me to write down all the most important things that happened to me and everything that concerned the inner workings of my soul. May the Lord make use of this for His greatest glory, and for the good of my dear sisters, if these writings should remain in their hands. They will see what it has cost to establish these houses, whether in hardship, cares, opposition on the part of men and the efforts and malice of the devil. They should cherish even more our holy Institute which has inspired all the rage of hell and work even more zealously for the instruction of the young.

140

The Life of Antoinette Micolon

INDEX A

M

active life 8 Augustine, St. 17, 23, 109, 117 Confessions 17, 23 autobiography, spiritual 14-15, 24 Auvergnat 6, 10, 12, 31, 44-45 Auvergne 2, 5, 7-8, 12, 18, 21, 24, 27-29, 49, 55, 84-85, 100-1, 128-29

Merici, Angela 9 Minims 13, 37, 44-47, 52-53, 70-71, 76-79

P plague 127, 129, 131, 135 Pommereu, Marie Augustine de 5-6, 25 Pourrat, Henri 5, 15, 25, 55, 79 prayer, mental 12, 16, 41, 73, 115

B Benedictines 14, 19, 49 Brémond, Henri 7, 23 Bordeaux, Parlement of 121

R Roch, Saint 126-27

C

S

Câmara, Luis Gonçalves de 15 Catherine of Siena 15 cloister; enclosure 7-11, 13-14, 2021, 25, 59, 65, 69, 75, 77, 81, 85, 119 Congrégation de Notre-Dame 10 Cordeliers 59, 82-83

Sourdis, Cardinal de, Archbishop of Bordeaux 93

T Teresa of Avila, Saint 7, 12, 14, 1619, 22-23, 25, 113, 115 Trent, Council of 7-8, 12-13, 20, 25, 72, 78-79, 118, 128

F Feuillants 86-87, 110-13, 124-25 Sainte-Fleurine, Benedictine convent of 14, 19, 48-49, 52-59, 6263, 80-81, 108-9

U

J Jesuits; Society of Jesus 8-9, 11, 55, 67, 77, 81, 91, 99, 105, 107 Spiritual Exercises 12, 117 Joachim d’Estaing, Bishop of Clermont 76-77, 116-17

K Kempe, Margery 15

L Loyola, Ignatius, Saint 14-15, 24

Ursula, Saint 89, 91, 125 Ursulines 5-6, 8-16, 19-21, 23-25, 49, 59, 61, 63, 65, 67-77, 8283, 85, 90-91, 93, 99-101, 108-9, 117, 125 Ambert 5, 9-13, 18-19, 28-29, 37, 42-45, 49-67. 72-73, 7577, 80-81, 100-103, 116-117 papal bull 14, 20, 82-83, 8687, 90-95, 98-101, 116-17 rules and constitutions 7, 10, 14, 20, 53, 65, 81, 83, 87, 89, 91, 93, 101, 109 Avignon 9 Beaulieu 5, 49, 134-35, 137-38 Brescia 9

141

142 Brive 98-99, 108-9, 116-17, 122-23 Clermont 5, 8-11, 19, 20, 2425, 49, 55, 72-85, 92-93, 98-105, 114-17 Dijon 20, 25 Institute of 10, 75, 87, 101, 107, 117, 139 Le Puy 14, 19, 63, 65, 67, 69, 81 Lyon 13, 20, 82-83, 98-101, 116-17 Toulouse 24, 98-99, 116-17 Tulle 5-6, 11, 13-14, 20-21, 24, 49, 84-87, 90-97, 100-7, 114-17, 126-27, 136-39 union of 98-99, 136-37

V Virgin Mary; Our Lady 37, 39, 47, 51, 69, 71, 85, 131 vows, religious 7-9, 11, 13-14, 19, 69, 79, 113, 117, 127

Z Zamet, Sébastien 20

The Life of Antoinette Micolon

143

144