The Best Man

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Carnal Passions Presents

The Best Man By L. A. Witt

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This is a work of fiction. The characters, incidents and dialogues in this book are of the author’s imagination and are not to be construed as real. Any resemblance to actual events or persons, living or dead, is completely coincidental. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher.

Carnal Passions A Division of Champagne Books www.carnalpassions.com Copyright © 2009 by L. A. Witt ISBN 9781897261217 June 2010 Cover Art © Amanda Kelsey Produced in Canada

Carnal Passions #35069-4604 37 ST SW Calgary, AB T3E 7C7 Canada

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Dedication To the best women: Scarlett & Libbie

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One Chewing my thumbnail and fidgeting on the couch, I stared at the front door and waited for my ex-boyfriend to knock. Less than an hour had passed since Craig had called to say he needed to talk to me, but the atmosphere in my apartment had a strange, emptiness about it, as if he’d already come and gone, leaving only an echo of his presence and whatever he’d come to say. Not unlike the night he left. I picked my water bottle up off the coffee table and took a drink, then played with the cap, spinning it one way, then the other, then back, just to give my hands something to do. Over and over I tried to tell myself that there was no point in getting this wound up over a conversation that hadn’t happened yet. It could be about anything. We were still friends. We still talked and hung out. But really, I was kidding myself. Craig could handle all but the most serious conversations by phone, yet he’d insisted on meeting in person. And it couldn’t wait. Maybe he was having problems with his girlfriend again and needed advice. At that thought, I clenched my jaw. It shouldn’t have bothered me that my ex was with a woman now, but it did. I guess on some strange level, the fact that he had a girlfriend put him that much farther out of my reach. A new boyfriend left me a little inkling of hope that I still had a fighting chance in the future. The fact that he was with a woman gave our split a kind of resonating permanence, an implicit "This is how far I’ve moved on from you." 5

Ah, the joys of being with a bisexual man. I wondered if the girlfriend before me felt the same way when she found out about me. The sharp three-beat knock made me sit up so fast I nearly dropped my water bottle. Setting it on the coffee table, I stood and went to the door, trying to convince myself one last time that there was no reason to worry. He just wanted to talk. It didn’t mean it was anything bad, or that this was going to hurt. But when I opened the door, my heart went into my throat. The look on his face did nothing to ease my nerves. It was the same apologetic expression—eyebrows pulled together above wide eyes, lips thinned into a grimace that was almost painful, three worried lines creasing his forehead—he’d had just before he told me he was leaving. My stomach did a somersault, but I smiled through it and gestured for him to come in. Neither looking at me nor speaking, he did, shrinking away from me slightly as he moved past. It instantly made me miss the time when he couldn’t walk by me without at least some sort of affectionate contact. Shaking my head, I pushed those thoughts back and followed him into the living room. He stopped and stood with his back to me, hands in his pockets, shifting his weight. Making no move to sit. Probably not planning to stay long. Then he turned and faced me, but scratched the back of his neck and looked at the floor. And still the silence lingered. Finally, I said, "You wanted to talk?" His eyes flicked up and met mine. Then he nodded. "Yeah. Yeah, I did." He sank onto the sofa, the muffled squeak of leather creating a mix of relief and apprehension in my gut. He was planning to stay for a while. Whatever he came to talk about, he didn’t expect it to be over in a few short minutes. Steepling his fingers in front of his lips, he rested his elbows on his knees and looked at the coffee table, his brow knitting again. Too wound up to sit, I folded my arms across my chest and leaned against the wall. He glanced up at me, then 6

his eyes shifted slightly to my left. His cheeks darkening, he dropped his gaze again. "I’m surprised you still have that thing on the wall," he said quietly. I looked at the painting that hung above the television. One of his paintings. I shrugged. "I guess I just got used to it being there. Left it up there out of habit." His eyes met mine and I knew he saw right through me, but he didn’t press the issue. We’d had this conversation a hundred times before, and I’d more or less convinced him that I would get over him when I got over him. "I don’t imagine you came all the way across town to discuss my living room décor," I said. His chin rested on his hands, which were now folded loosely, and he lowered his eyes again. "No, I didn’t." I shifted my weight slightly, "So, what—" "Rebecca and I are getting married." He couldn’t have knocked more air out of my lungs if he’d punched me in the chest. Recovering as quickly as I could, I cleared my throat and said, "Wow, that’s…" I paused. "Congratulations." "Thanks. I asked her the other night." He laughed softly. "Still kind of weird to even say it. Me, getting married, who knew?" Yeah. I pursed my lips. Who knew? He wrung his hands. "Are you," he paused. "Are you okay with this?" "Craig, why wouldn’t I be?" Besides the fact that I would kill for even one more night with you. "I want you to be happy." I just wish you were still happy with me. He eyed me. "You know what I mean, Jon." "Yes, you’re right, I do," I said, chewing the inside of my cheek. "And I’m fine with it." He regarded me silently for a moment. Then he stared at his hands. "There’s…" he hesitated. "There’s one more thing." This should be good. I raised my eyebrows. "Okay?" "I want you to be my best man." I was wrong. There was still some air left for him to knock out of my lungs. "You—" I swallowed, my mouth suddenly dry. "Are you serious?" 7

He nodded, avoiding my eyes. "Look, I know it’s an odd thing to ask, given—" He stopped, pursing his lips and finally looking at me. "Given our history. But Jon, you’re my closest friend. I’ll understand if you can’t, but…" "What does Rebecca think of this?" She wasn’t particularly fond of me anyway, nor the fact that Craig and I were still good friends. He shook his head. "I haven’t told her yet." "Don’t you think you should mention it to her? Given that it’s her wedding too?" "I wanted to talk to you about it first. See if you were even willing to do it before I took the time to argue with her about it." Shifting my weight again, I said, "So you don’t think she’ll be thrilled about it." "Probably not." He shrugged. "Not at first, anyway. You know how she is." "Yes, I do," I said. "But asking her to be okay with your ex-boyfriend as your best man? Don’t you think that’s pushing it?" "Let me deal with her," he said. "What I want to know is if you’re okay with it. If you’re not, I’ll ask someone else, but Jon, I want you to be my best man." Chewing my lip, I stared at the floor. Though there was very little I wouldn’t do for Craig, I had to admit, this was pushing it. I wouldn’t miss his wedding for the world, but I wasn’t sure I could stand beside him with Rebecca’s ring in my pocket and pretend it wasn’t killing me. "Jon?" I leaned one shoulder against the wall, trying to look as casual and relaxed as I didn’t feel. "I’m flattered, but…" I licked my lips. "Do you need an answer right now?" "No, of course not." "Have you set a date yet?" "Not yet. We’re going to talk it over tonight after she gets home. Probably a few months out, at least." I chuckled. "Not going to rush into it, are you?" His eyebrow lifted and the slight twist of his mouth made me wonder if I’d crossed a line. "Look, I know she and I haven’t been together long—" "Craig." I put my hand up. "I’m not questioning you. If 8

you know she’s the one you want to be with…" I shrugged. "Then I’m happy for you." "But you think I’m moving too fast with her." It wasn’t a question. I swallowed. "There’s no way I can answer that without sounding like I’m either patronizing you or trying to talk you out of it for my own gain." He cocked his head. "Indulge me." I hesitated. His flat, low tone sounded all too familiar. It held the same undercurrent of annoyance that it always did when he picked a fight. I sighed. "Craig, I didn’t mean anything by it, it’s—" "Just tell me." Are you humoring me or daring me? I let out a breath. Oh, what the hell? What are you going to do? Leave me? "Look, I’m saying this as your friend, not your ex-boyfriend." He said nothing, but gestured for me to continue. My eyes fixed on the coffee table instead of him. "Are you sure you’re not rushing into this?" He hesitated for a split second, but that fleeting silence spoke volumes. "Yes, I am." I looked him in the eye. "After four months?" "Listen, I know we haven’t been together long, but I know she’s the one for me." "Craig, it took you two fucking years to figure out I wasn’t the one for you." My chest tightened as the words came out before I could stop them. He looked away, setting his jaw. "You and I both knew a long, long time ago that we weren’t right for each other." "Speak for yourself," I said through my teeth. His expression was still calm, but his fingers folded so tightly that his knuckles blanched. "So now who am I talking to? My friend, or my ex-boyfriend?" Letting out a breath, I closed my eyes. "I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to go there, it’s—" "I know, it’s a raw nerve," he said, his tone calm. "Which is why I’ll understand if you don’t want—" "It’s not that. This has nothing to do with being your best man or not." Oh, what an ironic title for an exboyfriend. "My feelings are what they are. But, I’m serious. Asking as your friend, who really does want to see you 9

happy, are you sure you’re not rushing into this?" He rested his chin on his folded hands again. "Honestly, I’ve known from the day I met her that this was coming." Before I could speak, he stood. Came towards me. "Jon, I know it seems like I’m moving fast with her, but I know she’s the right one for me." "Then if you’re sure about it, I’m happy for you." He nodded, but didn’t smile. "What about you?" I blinked. "I just said, I’m happy for you." "No, I mean, are you happy? Not about me, just, in general?" My shoulders dropped and so did my gaze. "I’m getting there." "That sounds like a no." "Craig, I’m fine," I said. "Honestly. I just, I take a little more time than you do to move past things." I met his gaze and gave him what I hoped was a reassuring smile. "Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine." I broke eye contact and looked away. He said nothing, and after a moment, his silence prompted me to look at him. Once I did, he finally spoke. "Have you gone out? Met anyone?" "I’ve been out a little," I lied. "Just haven’t met anyone worth mentioning." The slight raise of his eyebrow told me that, as always, he saw right through me. "You know, even if you’re not ready for something serious, maybe it would do you good to meet some new guys. Get laid. Something." I rolled my eyes. "I think I’ll manage." "I’m serious, Jon, I—" "Craig." I put my hands up. "Don’t worry about me, okay?" His voice softened. "You know I do, though." "I know. I know. But you’ve got a wedding to plan, a lot of things on your plate." "That doesn’t change the fact that I worry about you. I want you to be happy, too." Then come back. "I will be. I just need more time than you." He went quiet. I had a feeling he wasn’t convinced, that he was just trying to decide whether or not to push the 10

issue. After a moment, he said, "I didn’t realize you were still having such a hard time with it." "I’m better than I was." He nodded, but didn’t look at me. "You know I didn’t do it to hurt—" "Craig." I put my hands up again. "We’ve been over this. You did what you had to do, and I’ll deal with it in my own time." Looking at the floor, he put his hands in his jacket pockets. "If being part of the wedding is too much, I’ll understand." It is. You don’t even know, Craig. But I couldn’t stomach the idea of sending him into his marriage thinking I was still this torn up over him, even if I was. If I could stand up there at the altar with him, then he would know I was at peace with it. Even if I wasn’t. "If you want me to be your best man," I said, pausing to wet my parched lips. "Then I will." He looked up, searching my eyes. I very nearly reached for his arm, just to silently reassure him, but it would be too tempting to hold on. "Are you sure?" he asked. "Yeah," I said, swallowing hard. His eyes repeated the question and my smile repeated my answer. "Okay," he said with a nod, letting out a breath. "I’ll bring it up to Rebecca tonight." "Good luck with that," I said, chuckling. He laughed. "She’ll be fine with it." "Eventually." "Right." He squared his shoulders, cocking his head to one side, then the other, as if loosening a kink. "I’d better go. Traffic’s going to be a bitch if I wait much longer." Forcing a smile, I nodded. "Congratulations again." "Thanks," he said with a smile that seemed only marginally more genuine than my own. We were silent for a moment before he started towards the front door. I followed, hooking my thumbs in the belt loops of my jeans just to give my hands something to do besides reach for him. He opened the door and started to step out, but 11

stopped. I rested my forearm on the doorframe, watching him, wondering what was on the tip of his tongue that made his brow furrow like that. He turned to leave and I thought he’d decided to let his thought go, but he paused again and looked over his shoulder. "Jon, promise me something." "What?" Meeting my eyes, he barely whispered, "You’ll at least try to make yourself happy." I was happy. "I’ll try." He looked at me for a moment, then nodded and continued down the hall. I closed the door before he was out of sight. He’d been to my apartment plenty of times since we’d split, but I still couldn’t bring myself to watch him turn that corner at the end of the hall again. I leaned against the door and released a long breath. He was absolutely right. I needed to move on. In the six months since he’d left, I hadn’t met anyone at all. Hadn’t felt the need. Tonight, though, in the wake of his announcement that he was—more than ever—out of my reach, I needed to get out of the house and meet some people. I went into the bedroom to change clothes.

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Two Walking through the front door of Wilde’s was like stepping into another world. Seattle was blessed with numerous gay and gayfriendly clubs, but Wilde’s was one of the somewhat higher brow places: Live music, top shelf liquor, a strict dress code, low lighting everywhere except the dance floor. It was relaxed, but swanky, with leather booths and bow-tied bartenders. The music was just loud enough to warrant getting extra close to someone to talk, but not enough to leave a person’s ears ringing after they left. Gulping back my nerves as I paid the cover and checked my coat, I was glad I hadn’t chosen one of the more casual places. The atmosphere here was just subdued enough to keep me from shying away. This whole thing was intimidating enough without blasting music and wild lighting to assault the senses. Walking through the crowd, I couldn’t recall ever feeling quite so out of place. So lost. A few times, I considered backing out and heading home, but since staying here meant not spending the evening at home pining over Craig, I convinced myself to face an intimidating night out on the prowl. On the prowl. Christ, I don’t even know what I’m looking for. A knot twisted in my gut as I headed for the bar for a little courage on the rocks. It was entirely too soon to even think about a relationship, so if I met anyone tonight, it was either casual sex or friendship. Glancing around at the guys getting close on the dance floor and even closer in booths, friendship was pretty much off the menu in a place like this. 13

I had never been particularly promiscuous. I wasn’t against casual sex on principle, it had just never been my thing. Craig had often ribbed me about being a serial monogamist, and maybe he was right. But tonight, I told myself as I took one of the available barstools, I would just see what happened. A bartender materialized in front of me. "What can I get you?" I gave the top shelf selections a glance to see if anything sounded good, then went for my usual. "Jack and Coke." He nodded and went about mixing it as I pulled my wallet out. As I took my drink and he took the cash, I turned my barstool enough to give me a wide view of the club and its patrons. The place was crawling with attractive men, some of whom caught my eye and exchanged smiles—even suggestive grins—with me. But I didn’t know where to start. Hi, I’m Jon, care for a fuck? My name’s Jon. I’m emotionally fucked in the head right now but wouldn’t mind a roll in the hay. I shuddered. This was just not me. What the hell was I doing? What was I thinking? Maybe this was a bad idea. Oh well. At least I’m out of the house. Sighing, I turned back around to face the bar, and my breath caught in my throat. Leaning casually against the counter below the top shelf bottles was a different bartender. Even the club’s dim light didn’t detract from his striking, pale green eyes, and I couldn’t look away from him if I wanted to. He didn’t seem to mind the fact that I was staring, though. After all, he was looking right at me. When I could finally look somewhere other than his eyes, I wasn’t disappointed. The tux shirt perfectly emphasized his broad chest and shoulders, while the black cummerbund subtly drew my attention to his narrow hips. It seemed that everyone else on staff in this club was clean-shaven, but stubble heavily shadowed his angular jaw. Still, he didn’t seem out of place. He had a kind of classy, 14

dignified air about him that let him get away with not shaving, even with a tux shirt and bowtie. As he wiped down a rocks glass with a white towel, I noticed then that his sleeves were unbuttoned and rolled partway up his toned forearms. He must have had some seniority if he could show up unshaven and with his sleeves rolled up so casually. "Refill?" He nodded towards my empty glass. "Uh, yeah, how about—" I looked down at my glass, trying to remember what the hell I’d been drinking. "Jack and Coke?" "How did you know?" He smiled as he set the rocks glass down and dropped some ice into it. "I saw Zach pouring the first one. Figured you were a creature of habit." "Perceptive." I chuckled, folding my arms on the bar and leaning on them. "Anything else you figured out about me while I wasn’t looking?" "Well," he said, pouring what looked like more than a single shot of Jack Daniels into the glass. "I’m guessing you’re either new in town or newly single." My eyebrows jumped. The corners of his eyes crinkled with amusement and he finished making my drink. When he set it on the bar, I started to pull a five out of my wallet, but he held up his hand. "On the house." "Is the psychic reading free, too?" He laughed. "The drink’s on me. As for the psychic reading, the only charge for that is that you might have to put up with my lack of conversation skills for a few more minutes." "I haven’t noticed anything lacking so far." I lifted my glass. "Likewise," he said with a wink. My cheeks burned and a second later, so did my throat. I was right, he definitely put more than a single shot of Jack into the drink. Just the way I liked it. "So, what makes you think I’m either new in town or newly single?" I asked. He rested his hands on the bar, his shoulders lifting slightly as he shifted his weight. Nodding towards the door, he said, "The ‘fish out of water’ look on your face when you 15

came in." I shrugged. "Could just be that I’ve never been to this particular club." He shook his head. "I see a lot of new people come through that door who have obviously been around clubs, just haven’t been in here." His smile turned into a cocky grin that suddenly made my drink taste like water. "But then there’s the people who come in looking like they’ve just arrived from another planet. And over the years, I’ve found that most of those have either just moved here or are trying to move on after a relationship." I raised my glass as if to toast him. "Very observant." "So, if it’s not too forward of me…" His eyes narrowed a bit as if he was trying to read between the lines of what I thought was a neutral expression. "Should I be welcoming you to the Emerald City, or buying you another drink to commiserate?" Draining the last of my drink, I rolled it around in my mouth and set the glass in front of him. "Sorry to hear it." The amusement faded from his face as he pulled another glass out from under the bar and filled it with ice. "Just make it a Coke this time." My head was already light, but I couldn’t tell if it was Jack or… whatever his name was. He nodded and topped the glass off with Coke. "So if you’re commiserating," I said. "I’m guessing you’re recently out of a relationship too?" "Ooh, yeah." He grimaced. "Three years, and he picks up and walks away like nothing ever happened." "Ouch." I sipped my drink. "I’ve actually been single for a while, just didn’t feel like meeting anyone right away." "Understandable," he said. "It’s only been a couple of weeks for me. Bastard hasn’t even gotten all of his shit out of my apartment yet." "You haven’t done the ‘come and get it or I throw it out the window’ ultimatum yet?" He laughed, but some of the humor disappeared from his expression. "I have. I think he just wants to make it as miserable as possible. Anything to draw it out, even if he initiated it." He dropped his gaze for a second. 16

"I’ll bet I can beat that." I rolled my eyes. "Try me," he said. "My ex came by tonight to tell me he’s getting married." His eyes widened. "How long did ago did you say you split up?" "Six months." He whistled. "He doesn’t wait around, does he?" Then he paused. "Sorry, no offense." "None taken." I put my finger on the end of my straw. "But it gets better." Keeping my finger on the straw, I lifted it out of my glass and put the other end on my tongue. As I let my finger go so the Coke would come out of the straw, I noticed his eyes were following. When I ran my tongue around the end of the straw, his lips parted and he looked away, clearing his throat. "So, um, what happened?" he asked, his cheeks coloring a little. "He wants me to be his best man." The bartender blinked. "You’re kidding." "Maybe we should introduce our exes." I paused. "Well, if they were both still single, anyway." He opened his mouth to speak, then glanced down the bar and paused. "Shit, I need to take care of some other customers." Looking at me, he said, "You going to be here a while?" I am now. I smiled. "Not going anywhere." With a wink that made my head spin, he stepped away to see to his other customers. It was only when he was gone that I let out a breath I didn’t realize I was holding. Ever since I’d turned around, since I’d first laid eyes on him, I hadn’t drawn a proper breath. I thought of the way he’d watched me with the straw and shivered. The way he’d looked at me when I first turned around. I wasn’t imagining it, was I? As he tended to customers a few feet away, smiling and laughing politely with them, he cast me a quick look and his smile faded. It didn’t fade in the sense that he was suddenly embarrassed or annoyed by my presence or the fact that I was looking at him. Quite the contrary. His eyes said nothing if not, "Let’s get the hell out of 17

here." My heart pounded. I knew nothing about him beyond his job and the fact that he was recently single. I didn’t even know his name, but I suddenly wanted to hear him growling mine in my ear. We continued that way for a while, shooting the breeze while he was between customers. Every time he was sure that every glass and bottle on the bar had been filled, he came right back to me. At one point, while he filled drinks, several more bartenders appeared and a few others left. Shift change, I guessed. When he caught sight of one of the newcomers, his expression changed. This time, it was annoyance. As the other bartender approached him, they exchanged a few brief and, by the looks of it, terse words. Then they disappeared into the back. It was almost fifteen minutes before he came back into view, his jaw set and his eyebrows knitted together over narrowed eyes. He kept his eyes down as he approached me. Before I’d even said a word, he went about filling another glass with Coke. Glancing back the way he came, he pulled a piece of paper out of his pocket. "My boss is here," he said. "And he’s on the warpath today, so I can’t chat." He put the drink I hadn’t ordered on a napkin, slid it towards me, and tucked the piece of paper under it. Then he met my eyes. "I’m off in an hour." Tapping the bar beside my drink, he said, "If you want to talk someplace quieter, I can meet you there." With that, he turned to go. "Wait," I said. He paused and came back, glancing over his shoulder and swallowing nervously. "Do I have to wait until then to find out your name?" He smiled. "Liam Sable. Yours?" "Jon Beatty." "I’ll see you in an hour."

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Three The note under the napkin directed me to an all-night coffee shop a few blocks away. As most halfway decent coffee shops were in Seattle, the place was packed. Since it was a cool night, though, the handful of tables on the sidewalk were empty. As soon as I had my drink in hand, I went outside and took a seat. Neither the cold air nor hot coffee registered in my senses as I waited for Liam. There was no doubt in my mind what he was thinking. In fact, I was fairly certain the only question that remained was the one night stand cliché: "Your place or mine?" It had been years since I’d had a one night stand, and even in my younger days I’d only had a few. I still couldn’t quite get my head around the fact that I was well on my way to having one tonight, but I was strangely at ease with the idea. I could have sworn there was usually an angel on my shoulder to remind me of all the reasons I shouldn’t do something like this, but that voice was unusually silent. Liam’s smile flickered through my mind and my mouth watered at the thought of kissing him. Kissing him everywhere. A shudder ran up my spine and I realized that the angel on my shoulder was silent because my too-longneglected libido currently had it in a chokehold. "Hey stranger." I turned towards the sound of Liam’s voice and smiled. His hands were stuffed into the pockets of a zipped-up black leather jacket. "Sorry I took so long," he said, dropping into a chair beside me. He started to say something else, but jumped as 19

soon as he hit the chair. "Christ, couldn’t you have picked the chairs with ice on them? These aren’t nearly cold enough." I laughed. "I didn’t think it was that cold." "You’re also wearing jeans." He gestured at his tuxedo pants and scowled. "These fuckers don’t do a damned bit of good against the cold." "We can go inside," I said. "I just thought it was a bit quieter out here." He craned his neck, looking into the coffee shop. "Yeah, good point. I’d rather be cold than stuffed into a room full of people. I get enough of that at work." "You seem to enjoy your job, though." He shrugged. "Beats the hell out of pushing a desk." "Must be nice." I smirked. "I’m a bona fide desk jockey. And believe me, I’ve considered taking up bartending on more than one occasion." "It’s a good job," he said. "I mean, if you don’t mind breaking up the occasional fight, having drunks tell you their life story fourteen times in a row, and every once in a while having someone puke on you." "Still better than some of the bullshit I put up with." "You’d probably love it, then." He paused. "If nothing else, you meet interesting people once in a while." "Even if you have to chase them out so you can keep talking to them?" He chuckled. "If my boss hadn’t shown up, we’d still be sitting there talking, believe me." "Doesn’t like you talking to your customers?" "Doesn’t like me flirting with the customers." I shifted in my seat. "So you admit you were flirting?" There was a devilish gleam in his eyes when he grinned. "Was it working?" "I’m here, aren’t I?" "So you are." He leaned forward and put his hand on my knee. The warmth of his touch made me suck in a breath. He looked at his hand, then at me. "I have a feeling we’re both very much on the same wavelength right now, so…" His thumb traced the outside seam on my jeans. "Why don’t we cut to the chase?" The angel tried to scream something, but I could 20

almost hear my libido telling it to shut the fuck right up. When Liam slowly ran his tongue along the inside of his upper lip, the angel stopped protesting. Tossing my empty coffee cup in a nearby trashcan, I met Liam’s eyes. "So I guess there’s just one question." He smiled. "Your place or mine?" "Guess that depends on who lives closer." He nodded down the street. "I’m about four blocks that way." "My apartment is on the other end of Broadway, near Roanoke." "My place it is, then." He stood, but hesitated. "Assuming you’re cool with that?" I pushed my chair back. "Unless you want to hike all the way back down Broadway." He snorted. "You walked from Roanoke on a night like this?" "A night like this?" I rolled my eyes. "It’s not that cold." "It’s freezing cold." He clicked his tongue. "Obviously you were raised here if you’re immune to it." We started down the sidewalk, hands in pockets, but walking close enough together that our jacket sleeves occasionally brushed. "So I take it you’re not from this area?" I asked, glancing at him. He shook his head. "Born and raised in Phoenix." "Shit, no wonder you’re a pussy when it comes to the cold." "Fuck you," he laughed. "It’s not my fault you Seattle natives don’t know when you’re supposed to be cold." He gestured wildly at the sky. "I mean, look at that. Clouds! It could rain at any moment." "It could rain at any moment anyway," I said. "It’s Seattle. Nature of the beast." We exchanged amused glances as we stopped at a cross street and waited for the light to change. "I don’t mind the rain so much," he said. "Beats the hell out of the desert. It’s just the cold that gets me sometimes." He looked at me. "I mean, I’m freezing my ass off and you…" He elbowed me playfully, the brief contact 21

giving me goose bumps. "Your coat’s wide open and you’re not even shivering." The light changed and we walked across the crosswalk. One block down. Three to go. The weather might have been chilly that night, but my heart was pounding so hard I couldn’t feel the cold. "So I suppose you’ve never done the Polar Bear Swim?" I asked with a smirk. He gave me an incredulous look. "I haven’t, and I can tell by the name that I definitely wouldn’t." "Wuss." I chuckled. "Are you telling me you’ve done it?" I nodded. "My—" No, I’m not talking about Craig tonight. "A friend and I did it a year or so ago. It’s fun. You should try it." "Are you out of your mind?" he laughed. "So what the hell is it? Swim a couple of laps in a cold pool?" "No," I said. "Jump into Puget Sound." "Okay, I was right, that is insane." "In January." His jaw dropped. "My God, isn’t that water, like, forty degrees?" "Something like that." I shivered as we crossed the next cross street. "It was fucking cold, though." "I can only imagine." He shuddered. "Christ, that makes me cold just thinking about it." "You’re cold?" Before I could stop myself, I slid an arm around his waist, drawing him a little closer. His leather jacket creaked as he freed his hand from his own pocket and did the same. Then he stopped and turned to me, his face even closer than I’d expected. Swallowing hard, I whispered, "Still cold?" He smiled. "A little." He moved closer to me, his very presence forcing me to take a step back. Then another. And another. My shoulder blades just barely touched a wall, but I gasped as if he’d slammed me up against it. For a moment, we were still, just looking at each other in the icy glow of the streetlights, our visible breath mingling in the narrow distance between us. 22

If his touch hadn’t already given me an aching hardon, the palpable lust in his eyes would have. As his hips leaned into mine, pinning me against the wall, his erection pressed against my own. My hands slid over his sleeves, the soft leather creaking as I grasped his arms and pulled him closer. His Adam’s apple bobbed just above the tightly zipped collar of his jacket and his hand moved to the side of my neck, then into my hair. I touched his face, the cool, coarse texture of his stubbled jaw electric against my fingertips. Even the cold wall behind me couldn’t temper the heat of his body against me. Every intake of breath seemed to draw us together until we were so close, he inhaled and the air rushed past my lips, passing through the tiny sliver of space that barely remained between us. For half a heartbeat, our lips touched, just grazing each other, then again. A warm, ragged breath whispered across my chin and when he inhaled again, he drew me to him as if he’d breathed me in. Our lips finally met full-on. We were still for a moment, not breathing, not moving, simply letting the contact be. The softness of his mouth and the coarseness of his stubbled skin overwhelmed my senses. His fingers moved in my hair, sending shivers down my spine. Then his jaw moved beneath my hand. In the instant his tongue touched my lips, the languid slowness gave way to breathless desperation. We grasped hair, sleeves, collars, whatever our hands could find as we hungrily tasted each other’s mouths. Sharp hisses of breath punctuated the sounds of creaking leather and jeans scuffing against brick. Liam abruptly broke the kiss, panting as he pulled away. "Fuck," he whispered. "That’s…" He met my eyes, then kissed me again. When he drew back this time, he brought me with him, the sudden absence of the cold wall against my back making me shiver. "We’re almost to my place," he breathed. Glancing down the road, he swallowed. "If we don’t go now…" "Let’s go, then." We reluctantly separated. The rest of the walk was mostly silent. My teeth chattered from the cold and I kept my hands buried in my pockets. At one point, I pulled them 23

out just long enough to zip up my jacket. "I thought you weren’t cold," he said, smirking. "I wasn’t. But that was before I had a warm body against me." "Not to worry," he said through chattering teeth as he slipped his arm around my waist. "You won’t be cold for long."

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Four The anticipation drove me to the brink of madness, and as we hurried up the deserted stairwell to his apartment, I couldn’t wait anymore. On the second floor landing, I grabbed his arm. He stopped and turned. "What’s—" I cut him off with a kiss, leaning him against the wall. Caught off guard, he hesitated, but only for a second. His arms went around me and he returned my kiss with as much if not more ravenous need. With my head spinning from his masculine scent and the smell of leather from his jacket, all I could think was that I had never been more desperate to get close to someone. I unzipped his jacket and slid my hands under it, both of us gasping as nothing but thin fabric separated my skin from his. Struggling with the zipper on my own jacket, he looked at me and said in a low, unsteady voice, "Fuck, I want you so bad…" I wetted my lips. "The feeling’s mutual." My jacket separated and his hands snaked around my waist beneath it. He kissed me again, my shirt bunching in his hands. He freed my shirttail from my jeans, and the sizzling contact of his fingertips on the small of my back almost knocked my knees out from under me. "Let’s go," he whispered, dipping his head to kiss the side of my neck. "Now, or I’m going to fuck you right here against this wall." Breathless and shaking, I nodded, pulling away but not bothering to tuck my shirt back in or zip my jacket. We 25

made it up the last two flights of stairs and down the hall to his door. "Here we are," he growled, putting an arm around my waist. He slammed me up against his door so hard it almost knocked the breath out of me, kissing me with a hungry desperation that intensified with each passing second. Metal jingled and the crunch of the key going into the lock reverberated up my spine. I felt, rather than heard, the click of the turning lock, and a second later the door fell open behind me. Momentary panic made my heart skip, but Liam’s arm around my waist kept me upright as we stumbled into his apartment. He managed to get the key out and kicked the door shut behind us. Glancing over my shoulder, he threw his keys. They jingled, slid, then crunched again, presumably on the kitchen floor. "Fuck it, they can stay there," he said just before he kissed me again. We kicked shoes off and pushed jackets over each other’s shoulders, letting them land wherever they fell as we worked our way down the dark hall. In the bedroom, he flipped the light on and guided me towards the bed. Reaching behind him, he cursed against my lips, then muttered something I didn’t understand. I broke the kiss and looked down just in time to see the cummerbund loosen around his waist. He tossed it aside. Grasping the front of my shirt, he pulled me down onto the bed on top of him. For the longest time, we just kissed, making out like I hadn’t done in years. We made a few feeble attempts to loosen and remove clothing, but didn’t get very far. What we both wanted was simple, but clothing was complicated, so we didn’t bother. I had never been wanted like this. This was pure, hot, primal lust. No emotional bullshit to tangle things up and make things complicated. No mind games. No trying to use sex to communicate something deeper or find some connection that went beyond physical. Just two men who wanted to fuck. Nothing more. Nothing less. "Get that shirt off," he said. I sat up. As I did, he grabbed one side of his bowtie and tugged, the perfectly symmetrical bow disintegrating 26

into a single strand of black fabric, which he pulled free and threw aside. We both struggled to unfasten buttons with shaking hands. I finally opened enough on my shirt that I could just pull it over my head. It joined his bowtie on the floor as I turned my attention to helping Liam get out of his clothes. Pushing himself up on one arm, he kissed me as he shrugged the tuxedo shirt off, revealing a simple white Tshirt underneath. I lifted his T-shirt for him, my breath catching as my palms met his skin and slid up his abs and chest. My fingertips brushed against something foreign. Solid. As he pulled his shirt off, I looked down and realized he had both nipples pierced, each adorned with a tiny gold hoop. "Now that’s unusual," I said with a grin. He sucked in a breath as I circled his nipple with the pad of my thumb. I raised an eyebrow. "Like that?" He nodded, closing his eyes. "That’s why I got them, they’re—" Moaning softly, he let his head fall back. "Sensitive as hell." I bent and flicked my tongue across his other nipple. The ragged breath he released told me he liked that, too, so I closed my lips around it. Gently holding his nipple between my teeth, I used the tip of my tongue to play with the piercing. His entire body jerked as if he’d been shocked. "Oh my God," he whispered. He sank to the bed and I followed, flicking one of the piercings with my tongue as he ran his fingers through my hair. Resting my weight on my forearm, I let my other hand drift over his abs to his belt. We both shivered when his belt buckle jingled free, and the subtle sound of his zipper made the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. I kissed my way down the center of his chest and abs, every quiver of his muscles beneath my lips making my breath catch and my cock ache. It was all I could do not to tell him to forget all of this foreplay, just fuck me now, but I didn’t want to rush this. If his kiss was that good, I wanted to feel everything he could do to me. 27

I wanted to touch him. He raised his hips long enough for me to get his tux pants over them. I wanted to feel him. He moaned as I gently stroked his cock. I wanted to taste him. "Oh God," he breathed as I ran my tongue up the shaft of his cock. "Oh my God, Jon, that is so fucking good." As I took his cock into my mouth, I slid my hand back up his abs to his chest. When I found one of the nipple rings, I played with it at the same speed my tongue moved. His back arched. "Holy…oh my God…" Gently grasping my hair, he lifted his hips, not forcing himself into my mouth but silently telling me that he wanted more. I gave him more, deep-throating, then running my tongue around the head of his cock, then deep-throating again, all the while playing with his nipple ring. His fingers tightened in my hair. "Christ, you’re gonna fucking make me come before I even—" He gasped, his body tensing as his cock twitched in my mouth. "Jesus, if your mouth feels this good…" Then he gently pushed my head away. "Fuck, I don’t want to come yet, and you’re…" He shook his head, panting. "Any more of that and I’m going to." "You make that sound like a bad thing," I said, still playing with his nipple ring and grinning as he took in a sharp hiss of breath. "Absolutely not." He pulled me down to him and kissed me. "But I want to fuck you." Reaching between us, he unbuckled my belt. "Why don’t we get the rest of these clothes out of the way?" We separated and quickly got out of our clothes. Before the last piece of clothing even hit the floor, we were in each other’s arms again, kissing like we’d been apart for months instead of just a few seconds. When he wrapped his fingers around my cock, I could barely remember how to breathe. The touch of his hand and the taste of his mouth made me dizzy. Until that moment, I hadn’t realized just how long it had been since I’d been with a man, and how much I’d been craving a man’s touch. 28

He kissed my neck, my mouth, that deliciously sensitive spot above my collarbone that no one else ever found. Skin brushed skin and stubble brushed stubble, the kaleidoscope of gentle touches overwhelming my senses. "Tell me you want me to fuck you," he whispered, kissing the underside of my jaw. "Tell me." I didn’t know if it just turned him on to hear me say it, or if he was really looking for reassurance that I wanted him to, but the answer was the same either way. "I want you—" My voice caught when his hand tightened around my cock. "I want you to fuck me." He smiled and sat up, reaching for the drawer next to the bed and pulling out a condom. It was then that I realized his hands were shaking. I grinned. "I thought bartenders always had steady hands." "We do." He paused to tear the condom wrapper with his teeth. "But I’m not making a drink. I’m horny." "So if I asked you to make me a drink right now—" "Aside from ‘hell no’," he said as he rolled the condom on and reached for the bottle of lube. "I’d tell you it’s going to be shaken, not stirred." I kissed him, playing with one of his nipple piercings. "If you’re this turned on, don’t let me stop you from doing something about it." "Stop me?" he growled. "You’re the reason I am this turned on." He started to kiss me, but gasped as I moved my fingers to his other piercing. "Oh my God." Resting his forehead against mine, he groaned. "Jesus, Jon, I’m so fucking turned on right now, I might lose it before I even get inside you." "If you do, I’ll just have to fuck you instead." He raised an eyebrow. "Well, in that case, maybe I should just take care of it right now." Grinning at me, he slowly stroked his cock. I laughed and stopped his hand, gently grasping his wrist. "Don’t even think about it." "Then turn around so I can fuck you," he breathed. But before I could, he kissed me again, parting my lips with his tongue and making it damn near impossible for me to even think of pulling away. Even though I desperately 29

wanted him inside me, I couldn’t get enough of his kiss. He finally broke the kiss with a ragged breath. "Turn around," he said, a tremor in his voice. "Turn the fuck around, I can’t wait." As soon as I did, his hands were on my hips, and when the cool lube touched my skin, I damn near came just from knowing he was about to be inside me. He moved slowly at first, giving me just the head of his cock, before withdrawing and giving a little more. He pushed in a little deeper, a little deeper… Then, with one quick thrust, he was all the way inside me. My vision went white and I gasped, my entire body tensing as my shaking arms threatened to collapse under me. The intensity, the sudden shift from "too long without" to "oh my God, there he is" was breathtaking. Liam froze, holding my hips gently. "Are you okay? Shit, I didn’t hurt you, did I?" I couldn’t breathe, couldn’t speak, couldn’t move. "Jon?" His voice shook, and it wasn’t arousal this time. "Jon, are you okay?" He started to pull out, but I grabbed his wrist and leaned back to keep him from withdrawing. "No, don’t," I breathed. He stopped. "Am I hurting you? Talk to me, Jon." "I’m fine," I said. "Just don’t…" I swallowed hard, a shudder rippling up my spine. His hand gently ran up and down my side. "Don’t what?" I took a breath. "Don’t stop." "Are you sure? If I’m hurting you—" "You’re not," I said. "Trust me, you’re not." His hands returned to my hips. "Don’t scare me like that." His tone was both relieved and amused. He moved slowly at first, then picked up speed. "Are you sure you’re okay?" He sounded like he was speaking through his teeth. He was holding back, I was sure of it. "Are you okay?" "God, yes," I moaned. "Oh my God, yes…" "Tell me how you like it," he said, almost panting now. "Tell me how you fucking want it, Jon." "I—" I couldn’t think with what he was doing. His cock just felt too damned good. Choking on my own voice, I finally managed, "Harder." His fingers tightened on my hips, but he hesitated. 30

"Are you sure?" I nodded. "Please." He withdrew slowly, even slower than he had before, then slammed into me so hard it almost hurt. Maybe it did hurt. In fact, it probably did, but it was so intense, I couldn’t tell pain from pleasure, because it was all pleasure. He groaned and his rhythm faltered momentarily. "Fuck, I knew you’d feel incredible, but…Jesus…" "You’re gonna make me come," I moaned, grasping the bedcovers just to keep me anchored in reality. "No, don’t come," he said breathlessly. "Please, don’t come yet. I still want to feel your cock in me." "If you keep fucking me like that, I’m not…oh, fuck…" I moaned again, shuddering, but forced myself to hold back. I couldn’t come yet. Not now. Not— "Oh God," he growled. "Oh God, I can’t…I’m gonna…fuck!" Even as he came, as his fingers dug painfully into my hips and his body shook, he managed a few last strokes before he exhaled heavily and stopped. For a moment, neither of us moved while he caught his breath and I brought myself back down to Earth. Another thrust or two, and I’d have come with him, but I hadn’t yet. He pulled out slowly. "I didn’t make you come yet, did I?" "Not yet," I said, turning around as he saw to the condom. "Good." He grinned and tossed an unopened condom to me. "I’ll make you come any which way you want, but I have got to feel you fuck me." My face burned a little as I tore the wrapper with my teeth. It was surreal, being with someone who wanted me like this, as if he wasn’t just looking to get off and be done with it. I’d always wanted to be with someone who actually enjoyed everything leading up to the orgasm—even mine, not just his own—rather than just treating it all as a means to an end. "What’s wrong?" he asked. I looked up. He cocked his head at me, raising an eyebrow. I cleared my throat and went about putting the condom on. "Nothing, nothing." "You sure?" He joined me on the bed, kissing my neck 31

as I rolled the condom into place. "You spaced out there for a second." "I’m fine," I said, touching his face and bringing him up to kiss me. "Just trying to keep myself from coming before I even fuck you." He smiled into my kiss. "Did I turn you on that much? Terribly sorry." "You should be. Dirty bastard." His hand snaked around the back of my neck. "The world is full of dirty bastards, and I am their king." He reached past me and picked up the bottle of lube. He poured a little into his hand, set the bottle aside, and kissed me while he stroked the lube onto my cock. Even through the condom, his hand drove me wild. I had to fuck him now or I was going to lose my mind. "I want you on your back," I said. He blinked. "On my back?" I nodded. Then he grinned. "Thank God." "Why?" "Because my arms and legs are still shaking," he said, lying back. "Don’t think I could hold myself up." I joined him, flicking one of his piercings with my tongue. "Then at least I know you won’t try to get away," I laughed. "Get away? Why the fuck would I want to get away?" "Don’t know." I sat up and ran my fingertips along his inner thigh. "But now you won’t." He shivered. "You’re damn right about—" His voice caught as I slowly pushed into him. "Oh God…" He closed his eyes, his lips parting as he took in a long, shuddering breath. "Oh, wow, you feel amazing," I moaned. Still sitting up, I moved slowly inside him, taking long, deep strokes. Something in the back of my mind told me to fuck him hard and fast, to hurry up and come, but I just couldn’t get enough of him this way. Just a little bit more, I silently begged him. Don’t rush me yet, you feel too damned good. I bit my lip, closing my eyes and savoring the way he felt, knowing I could only do this for so long before he’d get impatient. He’d gotten his, there was no need for me to take forever getting mine. 32

His hands closed around my hips and I swallowed hard, knowing what was coming. "Oh God," he whispered. "Jon, that feels so fucking good…" My eyes flew open. "It does?" He looked at me, his expression a mixture of puzzled and aroused. "Christ, yes, why wouldn’t it?" "I—" He’s not Craig, idiot. "You like it like this?" "Do I ever." He wet his lips and closed his eyes, releasing a low groan. "My God, I could let you do that all goddamned night." Watching him in disbelief, I continued my slow rhythm, still half-expecting him to tell me to get on with it. But he didn’t. His hands rested on my hips, but didn’t try to hinder or hasten my movements. He opened his eyes and reached up to put his hand on the side of my neck. Pulling me down gently, he whispered, "Come here." He met me halfway, sitting up just long enough for us to come together in a deep, hungry kiss before we both landed softly on the bed. I was completely lost in him, our bodies moving together with the kind perfect fluidity that two total strangers had no business even imagining. Whenever something in my mind made me think that, sooner or later, he would tell me to just get on with it, Liam would do something to counter those uncertainties. A well-timed kiss. Closing his eyes and moaning. A twitch of his fingers in my hair. Each time, my doubts receded and my desire for him grew, until my need for release became too much to ignore. I moved faster now, until strokes became thrusts and kisses became desperate gasps for breath. There was no holding back anymore, no drawing it out and keeping an orgasm at bay for want of just a few more seconds of the intensity of being inside him. "I know you’re close, Jon," he whispered, kissing my neck as I threw my head back. "Let go. I want you to come." "Oh, my God," I heard myself groan. "Oh, God, I’m—" I gasped when his fingertips trailed up my back. His touch was so light I barely felt it, but the effect was like a lit match to gasoline. I slammed into him as deep and hard as I could and 33

shuddered against him. "Oh…fuck…" I collapsed over him, catching myself on my forearms. Then he put his arms around me and pulled me down the rest of the way, letting me rest my head on his shoulder until it all subsided. "The minute you walked into Wilde’s tonight," he whispered, stroking my hair gently. "I was sure you would be hot as hell in bed." "I hope I didn’t disappoint," I slurred. "Absolutely not."

34

Five When I could finally sit up without the room shifting around me, I got rid of the condom and rejoined Liam in bed. We slid under the covers, facing each other on our sides. "So do you make a habit of taking customers home?" I asked with a grin. He laughed. "Only the ones that tip well." "I didn’t tip you at all. You bought all of my drinks." "Didn’t say it had to be in monetary form." He winked. "So you are a mind reader." I trailed a fingertip over one of his piercings. "I mean, if you knew a couple of drinks would be enough to woo me into bed." "More of a gambler." He closed his eyes and shivered as I played with the piercing. "I figured the odds were in my favor, but you never know." "I take it you play that game a lot, if your boss is catching on?" Gesturing dismissively, he smirked. "Nah, he doesn’t really care if I flirt with customers. He does it too. Tonight, he was giving me an earful about some other bullshit." He rested his hand on my arm. "Let me guess," I said. "Chewing your ass for the way all the people below you are unmotivated, and slacking off, and all of that crap?" He blinked. "What the fuck did you do? Put a glass against the door and listen in?" "I have my ways." "You’re good at this. How did you know?" "I figured you had some seniority," I said. "And you didn’t look too thrilled when you came back out." 35

He nodded. "Yep, I’m the shift manager. All those lazy bastards work for me, so when they screw up, I get to hear about it." He rolled his eyes. "I love that job, but I can’t— wait, how the hell did you know I had seniority?" I ran my fingertips over his unshaven jaw. "The ‘I don’t feel like shaving’ look and the rolled-up sleeves in a joint like that." Liam chuckled. "Funny, those were two of the things he was busting my balls about." He scratched his chin, letting his fingernails scuff loudly across the coarse stubble. "I figure if he keeps getting his nose out of joint over my sleeves and shaving habits, he won’t notice all of the other things I do." "Such as?" "Customers." We both burst out laughing. "So," I said. "This is something you’ve done before?" He shrugged. "On occasion. But I haven’t been single very long, so it’s been a while since I’ve done anything more than flirt, which I always do. I flirt for the same reason female bartenders flirt with guys in straight bars." "Better tips?" "Damn right." "Does it work?" "Like a charm." I lifted my head and kissed him lightly. "So in this case, are we talking about monetary tips, or the other kind?" He touched my face, letting another kiss linger for a moment before he said, "Usually monetary, but I’m not going to bitch about this kind of tip once in a while." I kissed him again, then let my head fall back onto the pillow. "Well, I don’t usually do this at all, so…" I trailed off, laughing self-consciously. As his fingers trailed down the side of my face to my neck, his smile fell a little. "Let me ask you something." "Go for it." "When we were—" He paused, his cheeks darkening as if he was suddenly embarrassed. Clearing his throat, he said, "Earlier, when we…" "Were fucking?" "Yeah." He laughed. This shy side of him was a 36

surprise, considering how shameless he’d been all night. "When you were going slow, and I said I liked it, you seemed…" He chewed his lip. "Like you didn’t expect me to like it." My face was probably the same color as his by then. I watched my fingers play with the corner of the pillowcase. "I didn’t, to be honest." "Why wouldn’t I have liked it?" I met his eyes and swallowed hard. "It wasn’t so much that I figured you wouldn’t like it, or I wouldn’t have done it." I took a breath. "I just didn’t think you’d like me taking my time like that. You know, like it was okay for a few minutes, then, get on with it." His eyes widened. "Are you kidding?" "It’s what I’m used to." "What?" he scoffed. "What kind of Neanderthals have you been with?" I laughed, avoiding his eyes. "Obviously not the right ones." "Your ex, I take it?" "Yep," I said. "He was all about foreplay, all about, well, everything. Until he got off. Once he was done, he wanted me to be done, too." "Selfish son of a bitch," Liam muttered. He trailed a single finger down the center of my chest, raising goose bumps all over me. "Especially since anything after the first orgasm is going to take some time." I raised my eyebrows. "Pardon?" He blinked. "What?" "Anything after a first orgasm?" "Yeah, you know—" He paused, his jaw dropping. Then he rolled his eyes again. "Christ on a bike, don’t tell me he never gave you more than one." "In the beginning, maybe," I said with a shrug. "But by the time we’d been together for a few months…" I shook my head. Liam moved closer to me, his hand sliding over my waist and drifting up and down my back. "My ex and I were like that in the beginning too." "So it tapered off for you, too?" "Well, if by ‘tapered off’ you mean we went months at 37

a time with no sex at all, yes." "Really?" He nodded. "I thought we just had very, very different sex drives. Was red hot in the beginning, then we’d go ages without touching." He rubbed the back of his neck and put his hand on my waist again, running his thumb lightly across my skin. "Turns out we had the same sex drive, he just found what he wanted elsewhere." "Ouch. That’s the guy who just left?" He nodded. "Yeah. And I didn’t have a clue until after he’d gone. Fortunately, he made sure to get blood tests every time he found a new boyfriend-on-the-side, so at least I know we’re both clean." "A responsible cheater, how nice." I rolled my eyes. "Tell me about it." He watched his fingers drift up and down my arm. "But, enough about that bullshit." He smiled, and it reminded me of the look he gave me when I’d first laid eyes on him at Wilde’s. "I wasn’t about to get impatient with you while you were fucking me of all things." "So I noticed. I guess I’m just not used to not being in a hurry to get mine." "No hurry with me. I don’t have to be at work until noon, so we have plenty of time." "Careful what you wish for," I said. "Unless you want to show up at work after not sleeping all night." He grinned and kissed me. "Sex isn’t worth having if it doesn’t occasionally make you stumble into work the next morning with dark circles under your eyes." I laughed. "Can’t say I’ve done that in a while." "You’re missing out." He kissed me again, lightly this time. Running my fingers through his hair, I said, "I was missing out." His hand drifted down my side, pausing on my hip. Just the nearness of his hand to my cock sent ripples of electricity up my spine. "Do you have to work tomorrow?" he asked. "No." "Then at least I won’t have to worry about getting you fired." His fingers closed around my cock and he stroked it slowly. 38

"Oh my God," I moaned. It had been ages since I’d been this aroused so quickly after an orgasm, and I’d forgotten just how much more intense it could be the second time around. "Like that?" he whispered, kissing my neck. "Yes, I do." "So you won’t object to a second orgasm tonight?" I shivered. "Not in the least." He kissed my jaw and stroked just a little harder. "Maybe I can even talk you into a third." "You won’t have to twist my arm," I said. He found that spot above my collarbone again and I bit my lip when he flicked his tongue across it. His lips brushed my skin when he said, "There’s one more thing you should know, though." "Hmm?" He kissed my mouth again. "Remember earlier, when I said I could let you fuck me like that all goddamned night?" He stroked a little faster. Just before his lips met mine, he whispered, "I wasn’t kidding."

39

Six A muffled, terse voice brought me out of a sound sleep. Sitting up, I blinked a few times, looking around my unfamiliar surroundings. The room was completely alien, from the sparse décor and stack of cardboard boxes to the view of Puget Sound out the window. I was also alone. A moment later, Liam’s voice again registered in my confused senses, sparking a few half-asleep synapses to life. Ah, that’s where I am. Liam’s apartment. I looked around again, my mind filling in the gaps. It was the daylight pouring in through the window that had made my surroundings look different. Instead of the soft, amber glow of the lamp on the dresser, sunlight spilled across the room, casting harsh shadows beside furniture and discarded clothing. But where was Liam? His voice came from the other room, the volume increasing and decreasing steadily, as if he was moving towards and away from the bedroom door. "I'm not going to fucking argue about it with you again," he snarled as he came closer to the door. "I told you, I have to work today…" The volume diminished. A moment later, his voice was softer, but he was near enough that I could make out, "Travis, please, just…okay, okay, just calm down, I’ll…" And he was once again out of earshot. I lay back, one hand behind my head on the pillow, and looked up at the ceiling. My mind wandered back to the night before. There wasn’t a muscle in my body that didn’t 40

ache, and the angel on my shoulder was still uncharacteristically quiet. It seemed like a lifetime ago that I was standing in my living room listening to Craig tell me he was getting married. That conversation replayed itself in my head, and my heart sank as reality made its presence known. This one night stand with Liam wasn’t going to magically get me over Craig, nor was it going to make it easy to be his best man. It was fun, it was hot, but it was just a distraction. A temporary fix. "…not going to fight about this again. We’ve talked about this, and…" Liam’s voice faded. He must have been pacing. Whatever was going on in his life—with his ex, I assumed—didn’t sound pretty. In a way I suppose that gave me a sense of relief; if he was as emotionally unavailable as I was, then he wouldn’t have any illusions about this going beyond a one night stand. Recalling the night before, though, I had to admit that I would have jumped at the opportunity to spend another night with him. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d been with someone so incredible. And insatiable. He’d made me insatiable. Every time I’d thought I was spent and satisfied, he’d found a way to make me want him all over again. It was truly the first time in my life that I’d slept with someone like that, fucking well into the night until both of us collapsed, completely exhausted, at the same time. I shivered. Craig who? Something clicked in the other room—a cell phone snapping shut, I guessed—and Liam muttered something just before the bedroom door opened. He came in, dressed only in a black pair of boxers, and set his phone on the dresser. I caught a glimpse of his knitted brow and thin, tight lips just before he turned to shut the door. When he turned around again, his expression brightened. "You’re awake," he said, smiling. Then his eyebrows jumped. "I didn’t wake you, did I?" I shook my head. "No, don’t worry about it." He half-smiled and rejoined me in bed, propping himself up on one elbow as he ran his fingers across my chest. "I forgot to turn my phone off last night. It woke me 41

up, so I was afraid it—" "It didn’t." I put my hand over his. "Good." He kissed me lightly, then let it linger for a moment. "At least now we don’t have to worry about sleeping late and rushing out the door." "What time is it, anyway?" I glanced around for a clock. He looked over his shoulder. "A little after nine. I have to be at work by noon, but until then…" He kissed me again. "I’m all yours." "What ever will I do with you?" I murmured against his lips as I put my arms around him. "Hmm." He paused to kiss me. "Maybe everything you did to me last night?" I groaned, then laughed. "Christ, if I tried to do all that again, I think I’d have heart failure." "Me too." He kissed his way down my neck. "But I could think of worse ways to go." "Such as?" "Dying while not having sex." He flicked his tongue across the spot above my collarbone, making me shiver. Grinning against my skin, he said, "Sensitive, are we?" "Right there, yes." I sucked in a breath through my teeth as he did it again. "That’s not the only place. I seem to recall finding a few others last night." He nuzzled my neck and kissed below my ear, laughing softly when I shivered again. Whispering in my ear, he said, "I’ll bet I could find every last one of those sensitive places again." "Don’t let me stop you." I exhaled as his hand drifted down my side. "Do tell me if you want me to stop." He kissed my collarbone again. "Don’t think that’ll be a problem," I breathed. It wasn’t a problem, and he definitely found every last sensitive place again. Before long, we were breathless, sweaty, and exhausted, just like we’d been right before we went to sleep. Eventually, we each threw on a pair of jeans and made it out of the bedroom. His living room was as sparse as his bedroom, but 42

judging by the cardboard boxes in both rooms, he was in the process of moving either in or out. Or it was all waiting for his ex to come and get it. "I started the coffee while I was up earlier," he said over his shoulder as we wandered into the kitchen. "I could kiss you for that," I said. He winked. "You can kiss me anyway." "Depends on what kind of coffee you throw my way." He frowned. "I’m probably out of luck, then. It’s just normal, run-of-the-mill, grocery store coffee." I turned my nose up. "I thought they’d outlawed that swill in this city." "Coffee snob." He chuckled. Clicking my tongue, I rolled my eyes. "Well, I suppose I can slum it, just this once." He laughed and poured a cup for each of us. "Guess I can’t really hold it against you if you’re a coffee snob. Working at Wilde’s has turned me into a liquor snob of shameful proportions." "Oh really?" Handing me my coffee, he nodded towards one of the cabinets below the counter. With his foot, he opened the cabinet door, revealing a very, very well-stocked cache of various kinds of booze. It definitely wasn’t the cheap stuff: Cuervo Reservo. Tanqueray Silver. Wild Turkey. Remy Martin. "You aren’t kidding." I whistled. "My seven dollar cups of coffee suddenly don’t seem all that bad." He laughed. "Yeah, but a hundred dollar bottle of cognac is going to last me a hell of a lot longer than that cup of coffee." "Touché." I smirked and raised my coffee cup as if toasting him. "You must throw a hell of a party." "Please," he said as he sipped his coffee. "This stuff is for my own private enjoyment." "Not the party type?" He set his cup down and came towards me, putting a hand on my hip. "I prefer," he said, running his hand up my side. "Quieter forms of entertainment." Setting my cup beside me, I slid an arm around his waist. Barely whispering, I said, "You should have told me, I 43

would have been quieter." He leaned forward and kissed the side of my neck as his arms went around me. "If you’d been quieter-" He paused to kiss below my ear. "I would have just fucked you harder." I shivered. "Then maybe I should have been quieter." His soft laughter thrummed against my skin as his stubbled jaw brushed mine. Looking me in the eye, he said, "I don’t think you could have stayed quiet." I ran the pad of my thumb across one of his nipple piercings, grinning as he closed his eyes and drew in a breath. "That sounds like a challenge." "And what if it is?" "Then let’s see you put your money where your mouth is."

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Seven "You sure you don’t want me to give you a ride home?" Liam asked as we stepped out of his apartment into the crisp late morning air. "Don’t worry about it, I’ll be fine." He grinned. "You sure you can walk that far?" My legs ached, as did every other muscle in my damned body, but I nodded anyway. "I’ll manage." "Suit yourself." "You’re walking, too," I said. "Yeah, but I don’t have nearly as far to walk." "And you have to be on your feet all day, whereas I can go spend the rest of the afternoon on my couch with a book." "Lucky bastard," he muttered, giving me a playful glare. He opened his mouth to say something else, but his cell phone rang. He pulled it out of his pocket and rolled his eyes. "Oh for fuck’s sake." "Ex?" He nodded and flipped the phone open. "Travis, what—" Abruptly, he stopped walking, his lips twisting into a scowl as his brow furrowed. "Listen to me, we’ve been through this. For the last goddamned time, next Saturday. No, not this coming Saturday, the next one. Just like I explained—" He paused, tightening his jaw. "No, that’s my final offer." Then he rolled his eyes again and snapped the phone shut. "Persistent fucker." He laughed half-heartedly. Shivering, he pulled his jacket around him as if a cold wind had suddenly blown by, but I didn’t feel a thing. "Trying to come get his stuff?" 45

He nodded. "I swear, he just wants to make it as much of a pain for me as he can. Always picks times that are right in the middle of my damned shifts." I laughed. "I think I’d put his shit in boxes and leave it on the sidewalk at this point." "I’ve thought about it, believe me." He shivered again. Then he shrugged. "But, anyway, enough about that bastard. Exes are in the past for a reason." "Isn’t that the truth," I said. We walked on, shooting the breeze about anything we could think of besides the one question that pulsed in the back of my mind like a buzzing neon sign. Am I going to see you again? We stopped on the sidewalk not far from the entrance to Wilde’s. The conversation halted and we avoided each other’s eyes. I was tempted to ask for his number or offer my own, but wasn’t completely up to speed on etiquette for the morning after a one night stand. He looked at the pavement, pursing his lips as if trying to find the words. The words to say what, I didn’t know, because I was at a loss, too. Finally, he touched my face and kissed me gently. "I should go." Then he smiled. "I had a great time." "Pleasure was all mine," I said, ignoring the disappointment that slowly sank in my gut. "Oh no, it wasn’t." He kissed me again, drawing it out this time. When he broke the kiss, he kept his hand on my face a moment longer before breaking that contact too. Clearing his throat, he glanced at the club, then looked at me. "I should get to work." After another minute or so of awkward, compulsory small talk, he headed towards the club and I started down the road towards my apartment. So that was it, then. We were going our separate ways. No phone numbers exchanged, no promises—empty or otherwise—to see each other again. We really were two ships passing in the night, two newly single men who just needed a night together so we could move on alone. I didn’t regret it—I didn’t think I regretted it—but couldn’t deny that I was sad to see him go. I paused and looked over my shoulder, but he was gone, sunlight rippling across the tinted glass door as it 46

closed behind him. Taking a deep breath, I continued down Broadway alone. In spite of my fatigued muscles, I was thankful for the walk. Walking gave me time to think, and I had plenty to think about. Specifically, whether or not I regretted last night. If only for a few hours, the dark cloud had lifted and I was over Craig. But now, as I got farther from Liam and closer to my empty apartment, the clouds were gathering again. My stomach seemed to get heavier with every step. Maybe a one night stand was a bad idea. As hot as it was, I wasn’t so sure it was worth this feeling of reopening a healing wound the next morning. Craig’s absence had hurt for so long, I was almost numb to it. Escaping it for a few hours simply made me more acutely aware of it when it came back. Maybe I just needed to let myself heal completely from Craig before I got involved—however temporarily—with anyone else. As the next two weeks wore on, I settled back into my routine of wishing I was still with Craig, but try as I might, I couldn’t get Liam out of my mind either. In fact, with each passing day, it was Liam on my mind more than Craig. I usually spent the last hour or two of an evening reading, but ever since that night with Liam, all I did was stare at the page and think of him. My eyes scanned the words and my fingers turned the pages out of habit, but nothing registered. A few times, I stopped, realized I hadn’t been reading the words at all, and had to flip back until I figured out where I’d stopped paying attention. Eventually, I gave up and turned on the television just for some noise and something to focus my eyes on, even if my mind was elsewhere. Liam. Craig. Liam. Craig. Christ, you’re pathetic. Pining over a one night stand and the one that got away. By the time Friday night rolled around, it was all I 47

could do to resist going to Wilde’s to see Liam again. But, ironically, that wasn’t an issue, because Friday night was Craig and Rebecca’s informal engagement party.

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Eight The engagement party was supposed to be a barbecue at Craig and Rebecca’s house, but naturally, being Seattle, it rained. Undeterred by the weather, they moved the party indoors and kept the grill going on the covered patio. I mingled with some of our mutual friends, carefully dodging questions about what I was doing these days, knowing full well they were really asking who I was doing. The patronizing and thinly-veiled pity set my teeth on edge, but I just smiled. I’m sure they knew I wasn’t over Craig. They didn’t need to know that there was a new face on the mental list of "people I want, but can’t have" that kept running through my brain. "Glad you came," Craig said, pulling me aside in the kitchen. "How have you been?" I shrugged. "Fine." "Want a beer?" "Sure, thanks." He handed me one and opened his own. "So, have you been out? Seen anyone?" I rolled my eyes. "Craig, honestly, do we have—" "I’m just concerned about you, that’s all." "Fine," I said. "Yes, I have been out. And yes, I did meet someone. And yes, you were right, it was exactly what I needed." Because now I have someone else to get hung up on in between being hung up on you. Thanks, jackass. His eyes widened slightly. If I hadn’t known better, I’d have sworn he was hurt. Jealous, even. The expression quickly faded and he smiled. "Well, good," he said. "I’m glad to hear you aren’t moping around at home." 49

I started to speak, but as I glanced over Craig’s shoulder, Rebecca walked into the kitchen. Her mood visibly soured when she saw us. She came across the room and slid a hand around his arm, laying the other on the front of his shoulder, making sure her engagement ring was visible. Back off my territory, her glare said. She looked at me—no, eyed me—and forced a smile. "Hello, Jon. Nice to see you." "Good to see you, too, Rebecca," I said. "And congratulations." "Thank you." Her eyebrows pulled together, contradicting the well-practiced smile. By this point, I should have been used to her uneasiness around me, but it still annoyed me. Even as the three of us made small talk and casual conversation, she regarded me warily. I wasn’t sure if my presence bothered her because I was Craig’s ex, or because I was a constant reminder that he was bisexual. Whatever the case, I made her nervous. Christ, you have his ring, what more do you want? You don’t have to hold onto him, you have him. I sipped my drink as they wandered off to visit with their other guests. She shot me a glare over her shoulder and I sighed. Just be grateful, Rebecca, that you don’t have to let go of him. I took and released a deep breath, then went about mingling with the other guests again. About the time I’d managed to forget about my terse, silent exchange with Rebecca, I went back into the mostly empty kitchen for another beer. A moment later, she appeared in the doorway. "Jon, can I borrow you for a minute?" Her eyes narrowed slightly. This should be good. I sipped my beer and shrugged. "Sure, what’s up?" With a sharp nod, she indicated the sliding glass door, then started in that direction. I followed. Now that the grills had cooled, everyone else had retreated back inside, so the covered patio was deserted except for us and silent except for the percussion of the rain. Rebecca folded her arms tightly across her chest, a gesture that I might have blamed on the chilly wind had it not been for the way her lips twisted into a scowl. That look used to make me uneasy, but I’d long since developed an 50

immunity to it. She took a deep breath, let it out, then squared her jaw and looked me in the eye. "Since Craig’s asked you to be the best man," she said through her teeth. "There are a few things I want to make sure we have straight." She paused, grimacing. "I mean, that we have—" I laughed. "It’s okay, I know what you meant." The scowl returned. "Look, my family doesn’t know about your…" She chewed her lip. "Your history with Craig. They don’t know about his history." Annoyance coiled in my gut. "Did you think I was going to announce it at the wedding?" She shifted her weight. It seemed to take a lot of effort to maintain eye contact, but she managed. "I would hope not." "Then why bring it up?" It came out sharper than I intended. I set my beer down and wrung my hands, avoiding the temptation to fold my arms as she had. One of us on the defensive was more than enough. "Rebecca, I wouldn’t do that. I’m not going to come to your wedding and announce myself as Craig’s ex-boyfriend. As far as anyone there is concerned, he and I are friends." Narrowing my eyes, I added, "Because that’s what we are." She flinched, looking away momentarily. "Thank you." She ran a hand through her hair before she folded her arms again. "Has Craig let you know everything else you’ll be asked to do as best man?" I shrugged. "I’ve done it before. I know the routine." "Just don’t let him put the tux fittings off until the last minute. I know he will." "I won’t." She nodded. We stood in silence for a moment. She dropped her gaze, chewing her lower lip again. Something unspoken hung in the air. "Is that," I paused. "Is that all you wanted to talk about?" Her brow furrowed, but she said nothing. The intricate brickwork beneath our feet seemed to fascinate her for a long moment. "Rebecca—" "The bachelor party," she said, suddenly meeting my 51

eyes with an intense, stoic look. "Oh." I shifted. "Um, what about it?" The scowl suddenly didn’t seem as solid, as if it was only a mask to keep me from seeing how nervous she was. Taking a breath, she said, "What exactly are you planning to do for his bachelor party?" "I haven’t made any plans yet," I said with another shrug. "Probably the usual. You know, booze, strippers, a groom so hungover he swears off drinking for the rest of his life." At that, she allowed herself a soft laugh as she dropped her gaze, as if she didn’t want me to see the vague hint of humor that tried to break through. Then the nervousness returned, but the hostility had diminished slightly. "About the strippers…" "Look, if you don’t want him to—" "What kind of strippers?" I swallowed. "Um, what do you mean?" "Male or female?" "Ahh," I said. "So that’s what this is about." She fidgeted and once again, the scowl returned. "I just want to know." I watched her quietly for a moment. "I get the feeling there isn’t a right answer to this." The bricks again had her attention. "Rebecca, if you’re not comfortable with me taking him to a strip club, then I won’t." "It’s not that." She hugged herself tighter. "I’m just…" She let out a frustrated breath. "With his past, and yours…" "You know, most brides would be more concerned about their groom going to see female strippers." "Most brides aren’t marrying bisexual men," she snapped. "And most brides don’t have their husband’s fucking ex-boyfriend taking him out to—" I put my hands up defensively. "Rebecca, I get it." We looked at each other, the hostility back with a vengeance. So this isn’t about the bachelor party at all, is it? After a moment, I said, as calmly as I could, "This is no less awkward for me than it is for you." "Somehow I doubt that." "Look, have you ever dated someone who was still 52

friends with an ex-girlfriend?" She gave a stiff shrug. "Sure." "And did those exes bother you the way I do?" She hesitated. "No." "Then why does my relationship with him bother you so much? The only difference between what I had with Craig and what any other girl ever had with any of your other exes is the fact that I’m a man." "I know," she said. "And that’s…" I gritted my teeth. "That’s what bothers you?" "Why wouldn’t it?" "Why should it?" I snapped. "Because I’ve seen the way you look at him," she growled through clenched teeth. My heart skipped. So I was wrong. This wasn’t about the bachelor party or Craig’s bisexuality at all. This was about Craig and me. I let out a breath. "You’re right. You’re absolutely right." She blinked, startled. I went on. "What do you want me to say?" I shrugged. "It hurt when he left, and it still hurts." Her eyes widened, her expression a mix of shock, anger, and confusion. My voice gentler now, I continued. "Look, Rebecca, I know it’s unusual, but you’re worrying about nothing. Craig’s bisexual, but that doesn’t mean he’s unfaithful, and I’m not going to do anything to come between you two." She dropped her gaze, jumping as if I’d shocked her. After a moment, she said, "But, if he—" "If he wanted to be with a man, he’d be with a man. If he still wanted me, he’d still be with me." I exhaled heavily. Saying that out loud hurt more than I’d expected. It was true, I’d known it for a long time, but that didn’t take the edge of hearing my own voice say it. I went on, "When you date a straight guy, do you worry he’s going to run out and bang any girl that catches his eye?" "No, of course not. Not if I trust him." "Do you trust Craig?" "Absolutely," she said without hesitation. "The only difference between Craig and any other guy is that he’s attracted to men and women. Any other guy is 53

still going to be attracted to women, but it doesn’t make him more or less likely to stray." She chewed on her lip and—from the looks of the creases between her eyebrows—what I’d said. "Rebecca, he loves you. And I have no intention of trying to get between the two of you. Yes, you’re absolutely right about how I look at him." I paused, swallowing hard. "But evidently you’re missing the way he looks at you." She watched me quietly, then released a breath that seemed to take with it the tension from her shoulders. A slow nod told me she understood, that we were on the same page. "Now, about the bachelor party," I said. "You tell me. What is okay?" She took a long breath. "I guess…" She was quiet for a moment. Then she laughed softly and shook her head. "Just, don’t let him do anything stupid." "I’ve been called a miracle worker," I said, chuckling. "But that might be a stretch." She laughed again. "Well, that’s all I really wanted to discuss." "Okay," I said with a nod. She glanced at the sliding glass door, then back at me. "I guess we should get back to the party." I nodded again and gestured at the door. "After you." She smiled at me, which almost knocked me on my ass; it was probably the first time Rebecca had ever really smiled at me. No hostility, no pretense, no façade. Just a genuine smile. "Thanks, Jon." "No problem." She walked back into the house, and I followed.

54

Nine The next evening, I couldn’t stand it anymore. Even after two weeks, I couldn’t get Liam out of my mind. He had no way to contact me, so the only way to reconnect with him was to initiate it myself. He’d mentioned that his ex was coming by today to get the last of his things, so I assumed he had the day off. As good a time as any to drop in to the club for a drink, leave a message with my phone number, and hope for the best. To my surprise, Liam was working that night, and as soon as I walked into Wilde’s, he saw me. His eyebrows lifted, but then he looked away, lips thinning and shoulders bunching as if the sight of me raised his hackles. He saw me, he recognized me, but he didn’t look thrilled about it. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea. But I’d already paid the cover and I was there. No sense turning around and walking back out the door. Besides, maybe I’d misread his reaction. He was, after all, working, and I’d seen how quickly his boss could sour his mood. I took a seat near the end of the bar, wondering if he’d approach me or send one of the other bartenders over instead. The club was packed, though, and the other bartenders were occupied with patrons on the opposite end of the long bar. With a nervous knot in my gut, I surreptitiously watched him. His sleeves were buttoned at the wrists this time, but his jaw was still unshaven. I wondered if that was some sort of snide compromise to the boss. Fine, I’ll drop my sleeves, but I’ll shave when I damn well feel like it. 55

His expression and demeanor didn’t echo any such humor, though. Liam avoided my eyes. For that matter, he seemed to avoid eye contact with anyone. He kept his eyes down as he worked, filling drinks quickly, engaging his customers with little more than forced cordiality. The warmth, the devilish sparkle in his eyes, the flirtatiousness—it was all absent. Was this really the same man? As he worked his way down the bar towards me, his hands didn’t seem steady. He furrowed his brow and his lips tightened into a grimace as he poured drinks, as if each drink required extreme concentration. Every once in a while, he glanced past the bar patrons, eyes fixed someplace else in the room, but he never looked at me. Maybe this was a mistake. If he’d wanted to see me again, he’d have given me his number. The knot in my stomach tightened as he moved closer. I wasn’t sure what to expect at this point. A demand to know what the fuck I was doing there? Cool indifference? I had no idea. When he stepped in front of me, he simply said, "Jack and Coke?" His eyes were down and his voice was terse, bordering on icy. "Please." He neither spoke nor looked at me while he made the drink. He worked quickly, as if he just wanted to get the drink in front of me and get the hell out of there. Or wanted me to get the hell out of there. "Five dollars," he muttered, setting the drink on the bar. As he did, his shirt sleeve pulled up a little, revealing the edge of an Ace bandage wrapped around his wrist. I didn’t ask. I just slid a ten across the bar and picked up my drink. When he looked up, he didn’t look at me. He looked past me, his gaze fixed on something before dropping again. "Keep the change," I said. That finally prompted him to look at me, but no reaction beyond an unspoken "are you sure?" registered on his face. I nodded. A moment later, he was gone. Well, that answers that question, doesn’t it? I had no business expecting him to be receptive to 56

me. It was, after all, a one night stand. We hadn’t exchanged phone numbers, we hadn’t approached the subject of seeing each other again. When I walked into the club, I’d hoped he might be happy to see me, but obviously he wasn’t interested. Now I know. Though I wasn’t hurt, I couldn’t deny being more than a little disappointed. It was just a one night stand, nothing more, but I wasn’t expecting such a cold reception. We’d moved quickly from strangers to lovers, and evidently moved just as quickly back to strangers. Point taken, Liam. Future reference: No phone number, no further contact. With that question answered, I had no reason to stay at Wilde’s. I quickly drained my drink, picked up my jacket, and headed for the door. Halfway across the parking lot, someone shouted, "Hey, Jon!" The unfamiliar voice calling my name stopped me in my tracks. I turned around to see one of the bartenders sprinting across the parking lot towards me. "Can I help you?" I asked. "Yeah, sorry," he said, trying to catch his breath. He gestured over his shoulder at the club. "Uh, Liam asked me to come after you." My eyebrows jumped. "Oh?" "Yeah, he didn’t say why, just said he wanted you to wait for him." I cocked my head. "Just… here?" "He didn’t say, so, yeah, I guess," he said. "Did he say how long he’d be?" The bartender shrugged. "I think he’s got a break coming up in the next half hour or so. Might be a little longer. But no, he didn’t say." I blew out a breath, then nodded. "Tell him I’ll wait for him out front." We both walked back to the club and I waited outside while he went back in. Chewing my lip, I watched the tinted glass door shut behind him. I debated leaving, but curiosity kept my feet planted. I waited on the sidewalk, ignoring the temptation to check the time every few minutes. My heart skipped each time the door opened, and my stomach tightened each time it wasn’t 57

Liam. I couldn’t decide if I was annoyed or apprehensive. If he didn’t want me to show up at the club again, his attitude earlier had conveyed that message loud and clear. I didn’t need him to repeat what his eyes had already said. But then why would he send someone else after me? He had seniority. If he had the authority to send someone else sprinting across the parking lot to chase down his flings, then he had the authority to say "I’m stepping out". Maybe this was a joke. Maybe he and the other bartenders were watching, wondering how long I’d wait before realizing he wasn’t coming. The club’s front door banged open and I looked up, once again expecting to see Liam, but it wasn’t him. A patron stormed out, spitting on the sidewalk and cursing over his shoulder at the bouncer that casually followed him. A moment later, Liam’s boss came out after the evicted patron. "I do not want to see your fucking face in this place again," he shouted, stabbing a finger in the air. "I don’t need to come here," the angry patron snarled, flipping his unruly blond hair as he turned around to give the boss the finger. "Plenty of other places to find what I’m looking for." "I’m not kidding," the boss said. "If I see you anywhere near my club, I’m calling the cops." "Fuck you, jackass." A car door slammed and the conversation was over. Seconds later, tires squealed. The bouncer and boss watched the car leave the parking lot, exchanging a few words I didn’t hear. They kept talking for a few minutes, scowling and shaking their heads, casting glances in the direction the car had disappeared. Both looked at me a couple of times, and I expected to catch an earful about loitering, but neither said anything. Then they both went inside and the parking lot was again deserted. I guess even places like this get crazy customers. I looked at my phone. It had been almost forty-five minutes since the other bartender had stopped me. Another fifteen minutes, and I’d leave. Just like I’d promised myself half an hour ago. And fifteen minutes ago. "Jon?" 58

I turned on my heel just as Liam came around the side of the building. My heart jumped into my throat and I started towards him, giving a quiet, non-committal, "Hey." "Thanks for waiting for me." His lips thinned as his gaze swept around the parking lot once, then twice. Then something seemed to shake loose in him, a palpable tension that had bunched his shoulders and facial features. He let out a breath and looked at me. I stopped, eyeing him uncertainly. "I didn’t think you wanted to see me," I said. "After—" He put his hands up and nodded. "I know, I’m sorry. I—" Pausing, he glanced around the parking lot again. He shivered, and when he looked at me again, he swallowed hard. "Do you mind coming back inside? I’d really rather not stay out here." "Cold?" I asked. He hesitated. "You could say that. Come on, we can go through the employee entrance." He gestured for me to follow him, and we went around the side of the building to the door marked Employees Only. Neither of us spoke until he put his hand on the door and his sleeve pulled up again. "What happened to your wrist?" I asked. "Just, um, just fucked it up unloading cases of beer last night." He held the door open with his foot and tugged his sleeve down over the bandage. "Occupational hazard." He let the door clang shut behind him and went for the door on one end of the short hallway. "Can you close that?" he said, nodding towards the other end. Without a word, I closed it. When I turned around, he was only a few feet away, and before I could think, he kissed me, sliding an arm around my waist as the other went to the back of my neck. I wanted to be angry with him—how dare he assume I’d want him to kiss me after he’d coldshouldered me?—but my body had other plans. In spite of my mind’s protests, my arms went around him as the familiar taste of his kiss weakened my knees. When he broke the kiss, his hand was on my face, the pad of his thumb running gently over my cheekbone as he took a long breath. "I’m glad you came back," he whispered, kissing me again. "I’ve been kicking myself for two weeks for not 59

getting your number." I stared at him in disbelief. "You have?" He nodded. "After the other night, hell yeah." "Then, why…?" I raised an eyebrow. He shifted his weight and dropped his gaze. "That—" He cut himself off. "It had nothing to do with you. Just a lot of shit going on in," he paused, gesturing towards one of the closed doors. "In there. I couldn’t say anything, and then when I turned around, you were gone, so—" He cut himself off again. "Listen, my break’s over in a few minutes, but I’m off in a couple hours." He paused. "Are you free tonight?" "Yeah, I am. That’s why I’m here." He took a breath and dropped his gaze for a moment. "If you want to get together later," he said, almost whispering. Then his eyes shifted back to mine. He started to speak, but hesitated. I kissed him lightly. "Why don’t you come by my place this time?" That suggestion seemed to put him at ease, visibly relaxing the tension written all over his face. He smiled. "Leave me your address. I can be there around ten." Whatever uncertainty he’d lost just then, I found. Everything about him tonight—his body language, the sudden change in his demeanor, his cryptic answers, this odd tension—unsettled me. It wasn’t that he seemed volatile or threatening, but I had a feeling there was something he wasn’t telling me. Still, I wanted to see him, and guessed that he’d be more candid about it once we were alone. I nodded. "I’ll be there."

60

Ten I sat on my couch with a book I wasn’t actually reading, listening for the sound of a car pulling into my apartment complex. I was so used to the constant mumble of passing cars, I could instantly tell when one broke away and turned into the parking lot. Tonight, each car that passed without turning faded into the distance with a subtle not Liam echoing in my mind. It occurred to me that he could have walked to work again, so he wouldn’t be driving. Wilde’s was almost a mile down Broadway. I hoped he didn’t walk; that would mean waiting longer, and I was already coming unglued. Shortly after ten, a motorcycle distantly registered, a barely noticeable disturbance in the usual murmur of passing cars. When it changed direction, my head turned and I set my book on the couch. The engine idled for a moment, then cut off. I glanced out the window and my pulse jumped as Liam pulled his helmet off and ran his fingers through his hair. Walking quickly, he started towards the building. Whatever questions I had, whatever uncertainty had driven me crazy all evening, all of it melted away in the simple knowledge that he was here. Moments later, he was at my door. We exchanged knowing grins, but said nothing as I let him in. The familiar scent of his leather jacket made my mouth water, instantly taking me back to that first kiss on the way to his apartment. I shook my head and turned to chain the door with fingers that couldn’t seem to remember how to do anything that 61

wasn’t unzipping or unbuckling. Finally I just turned the deadbolt and called it good. He set his helmet on a chair and we looked at each other for a moment. Neither spoke. Neither moved. There was an arm’s length of space between us, and we silently dared each other to cross it. I still couldn’t quite believe he was there. In my apartment. With lust in his eyes and a filthy smirk pulling up one side of his mouth. He looked more relaxed now than he had at Wilde’s, and he was dressed more casually, having exchanged his coatless tuxedo for jeans and a sweatshirt along with that leather jacket. The leather jacket that smelled like our first kiss. I took in a long breath through my nose. I wanted to smell that jacket again, I wanted to be close to it again, and I wanted to drop it at our feet again. I wetted my lips and looked up just in time to see him doing the same. He reached for the front of my shirt. "My God, I want you so bad," he growled, and pulled me into a kiss. The smell of leather mingled with his masculine scent as the jacket creaked in my hands. A second later, it hit the floor with a muffled thud. My head spun, but before I let myself get completely lost in his intoxicating kiss, I broke away just long enough to lead him into the bedroom. Once safely in the vicinity of the one place we both wanted to be, he put his hands on my face and kissed me deeply, taking my breath away just like the first time and every time since. "I’m so glad you showed up tonight," he said, his lips still touching mine. "I didn’t expect you to be there," I said into his kiss as his hands slid under my shirt. "I always work on Saturdays," he murmured, lifting my shirt off and dropping it on the floor. I didn’t push the issue about his ex; it wasn’t my business and it would be a hell of a mood killer. Instead, I helped him out of his shirt and said, "I’m glad you were there, though." "I damn near dropped a glass when you walked in," he breathed, pulling me into another kiss. "Oh?" I reached for his belt buckle. 62

"Mm hmm." He kissed my neck. "What can I say? I’ve been dying to fuck you again." I shivered. "Then let’s not waste any more time." "I like the sound of that," he growled against my neck. We quickly got rid of the rest of our clothes and got into bed, kissing passionately. His fingers ran down my side, the coarse surface of the Ace bandage brushing against my skin as he slid his hand under my back and pulled me closer to him. He kissed my neck and collarbone, his cool breath and warm mouth making me dizzy. I ran my fingers through his hair, shivering as he took his time in spite of his desperation. "Fuck, I could come just from tasting your skin," he whispered, resting on his forearms as he came up to kiss me again. "I could come from you tasting my skin." I reached between us and barely kept myself from moaning when my fingers made contact with his erection. The memories of everything he had done to me flooded my mind, and my own cock ached at the thought of everything he might do to me tonight. I stroked him slowly, letting my hands remember every ridge and contour of him, letting him ignite memories of how he’d felt against my tongue and inside me. He groaned softly, still kissing me as his hips moved against mine in a slow, subtle imitation of the way they thrust when he fucked me. I tightened my grasp on his cock and he gasped. "Keep doing that," he whispered. "And you’ll make me come." Before I could even decide if I should keep doing it or not, he moved to kiss his way down my chest, and his cock was out of my reach. "There’s too much I want to do before I let you make me come." He paused to kiss the center of my chest before working his way farther down. I reached back and held the slats on the headboard as his lips inched down my abs. "I didn’t spend nearly enough time doing this the other night." He shifted his weight onto one arm and slowly, gently stroked my cock. "I fully intend to make up for that tonight." With that, he circled the head of my cock with his tongue. "Oh God…" My back lifted off the bed as he slowly took 63

more and more of me into his mouth. He stroked with his other hand, moving exactly in time with his mouth. "I want to fuck you so bad," he said, still stroking slowly even when he looked up to speak. "Jesus, Jon, I want to fuck you, but I can’t get enough of…" He let out a breath, then went down on me again, his lips and tongue sending me out of my damned mind. "Holy…shit…" I gasped as he deep-throated me. I looked down, watching him, barely comprehending that this was really happening. Never in my life had someone gone down on me with such hungry enthusiasm; he wasn’t just giving head because it was a step towards fucking me. Liam sucked my cock like there was nothing else in the world he’d rather do. And there was almost nothing else in the world I’d rather let him do, but I wanted him too much to wait another minute. "Liam, I want you to—" I gasped, holding onto the headboard, the sheets, the pillow, wherever my hands could find something to anchor me. "Oh my God." "Tell me," he said, the vibration of his voice against my cock driving me insane. He deep-throated me again, then went back to stroking with both hand and mouth. I moaned, trying to remember where I was, let alone what I’d wanted to say. "Tell me what you want," he whispered, running his tongue up the shaft of my cock. Don’t stop doing that…but I want you to fuck me…but that feels so good…I want you inside me…fuck! I wetted my lips. "I want…" His tongue rendered mine completely useless. So many things I wanted, so many ways I wanted to have him, but all I managed was a single whispered word: "More." "More of this?" He took me into his mouth again. "Or do you want me to fuck you?" As soon as he said it, my indecision evaporated. "Yes, fuck me, please," I said breathlessly. "I want you to fuck me." "Thought you’d never ask," he growled, kissing his way back up my abs and chest. He rested on his forearms and kissed me deeply, pressing his hard cock against my hip. "Do you have condoms?" 64

"Of course." I reached for the bedside table. "I knew you were going to be here tonight." He laughed, nipping the side of my neck. "Came prepared?" I held up a condom between two fingers. "Prepared to come." Chuckling, he rolled his eyes and sat up. I started to sit up as well, but he put his hand on my shoulder. "Stay just like that." He tore the condom wrapper with his teeth. "On your back." I did as he asked, lying back. He rolled the condom on, but as he reached for the lube, a painful grimace flickered across his face and he flexed his bandaged wrist gingerly. "You okay?" I asked. He nodded as he poured some lube into his hand. "I’m fine." He gave me a reassuring smile as he looked me up and down, then grinned. "Just fine, believe me." "I can get on top if it’ll take the strain off your wrist," I said. "No, this way is perfect." He leaned down to kiss me. "Besides, sex heals all wounds." I laughed, running my fingers over his nipple rings. "I thought time healed all wounds." He shrugged and sat up, pushing his cock against me. "Details." His hand rested on my hip and his humor faded, replaced by a look of pure arousal. "My God, I’ve been dying to have you again." His breathing was ragged and uneven, a deep groan escaping his lips as he slid into me. I expected him to fuck me hard, to rail me like he did the other night, but he didn’t. His abs quivered as he withdrew and pushed back in, while he took the longest, slowest strokes I’d ever imagined possible. My head spun as he made sure I felt every last inch of his cock. I wanted to tell him to keep going just like that, but it was too intense for me to do anything beyond simply surrendering to it. He leaned down to kiss me and I wrapped my arms around him, not sure if I just wanted to touch him or if I needed something to hold onto. Neither of us made a sound except for the occasional 65

gasp that separated our mouths. His body trembled against mine, and it was impossible to tell where his shudders ended and mine began. It was surreal to move this slowly, to be this quiet, when we were both so desperate, but I wasn’t sure we could move any faster or be any more vocal than a sharp breath now and then. Slowed by desperation, silenced by intensity. Kissing my neck, he exhaled against my skin as he pushed his cock deep inside me. His soft moan broke the silence and a shudder ran down his spine. His lips just below my ear, he whispered, "Do you like that?" I nodded, holding his shoulders for dear life as every long, slow stroke made my eyes water a little more. "Tell me, Jon," he said. "Oh God," I moaned. "Oh my God, it’s fucking awesome." He raised his head. "I told you it was." I looked up at him and he smiled at me just before his eyes closed again. "Jesus Christ…" Squinting as if the dim light in the room was too much, he whispered, "Now do you see—" He gasped as another shudder surged through him. "Do you see why— oh God…" He kissed me lightly, screwing his eyes shut for a second. "Do you see why I loved it when you fucked me this way?" "Fuck yes." I dug my fingers into his shoulders. "Keep—" My spine arched off the bed as he hit every damned nerve inside me one at a time. "Keep what?" he whispered, his voice shaking but his slow rhythm staying perfectly steady. "Keep doing that." I closed my eyes as the intensity became almost too much. "Oh my God, just like…" "I could do this all night," he groaned. "So could I, except—" My voice trailed off into a moan as he withdrew. "Except what?" he asked, faltering slightly as alarm tinged his voice. "Except—" I sucked in a breath. "You’re gonna make me come." A soft huff of laughter warmed the side of my neck and raised goose bumps on my back. 66

"Am I?" His next stroke was harder, striking every hypersensitive nerve just right to send lightning bolts up my spine. Kissing and breathing against my neck, he whispered, "You’re right on the edge, aren’t you?" I could only manage a nod, my throat refusing to grant me even the slightest moan as Liam overwhelmed my senses. He moved a little faster. "Tell me," he whispered, kissing me lightly. "Tell me how close you- oh fuck…" He groaned, dropping his head beside mine and shivering as he fucked me harder. "Oh God, Jon, I’m gonna come, too. You feel so fucking good…" The desperation in his voice shook me out of my silence. "Oh…my…God…" "Tell me, Jon," he said, his voice shaking as he moved faster. "Oh fuck, I don’t want to come until you do, but—" His arms almost gave out as a violent tremor drove him deeper inside me. "Just like that…" My breath caught as every stroke brought me closer. "Oh God, Liam, just…" My vision blurred. "…like…" My nerves turned to pure electricity. "…that." The force of my orgasm rolled my eyes back and lifted my hips off the bed, pulling him deeper. "Oh Jesus," he groaned, fucking me harder, intensifying my orgasm until it was almost too much. "Oh God, I’m, I can’t…" His voice sounded choked, somewhere between a gasp and a sob. Just as he screwed his eyes shut and started to tremble, I took my hands off his shoulders and went for his nipple rings. His eyes flew open and his lips parted. "Oh…fuck…" "Like that?" I whispered, watching his composure fall apart as his face flushed, his eyes closed, and his arms trembled beneath him as he tried to take just a few. Last. Strokes. "Fucking…hell…" he moaned. A second later, he threw his head back, slammed his cock all the way into me, and came with a throaty roar. He rested his head on my shoulder and tried to catch his breath. I ran my fingers through his sweaty hair as my body shuddered with the last few aftershocks. Eventually he pushed himself up and kissed me as he 67

withdrew slowly. "That," he said. "Was incredible." I trailed my fingers down his back. "I’d give it a ten." "Out of how many?" "Five." He chuckled and got up to get rid of the condom while I reached for the tissues on the nightstand. When he rejoined me in bed, we lay together in silence for a long moment, still out of breath and shaking. I kissed him lightly. "I can honestly say that was well worth the cover charge and the price of a drink." He laughed. Then his humor faded slightly. "Sorry about earlier. When you came into the club, I really-" "Don’t worry about it." I shrugged. "You were at work." In spite of everything that had happened earlier, he’d put me at ease with his attentive touch and undeniable desire. Whatever it was that happened at the club, I believed him now when he said it had nothing to do with me. I smiled. "Besides, I think you’ve more than made up for it." A half-hearted smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. "I’m serious, though. I really wasn’t trying to be a dick. There was just—" I cut him off with a long kiss. "No harm done," I whispered. "Really." I smiled, and this time he returned it. "If you say so." He ran his fingers through my hair. "But whatever you do, do not let me leave without your phone number this time." "Well, at least now you know where I live, so you can still find me." "I don’t want to show up at your door unannounced." "I wouldn’t kick you out." "So if I showed up at your door and said I was horny, you’d let me in?" "After what you did tonight and last time? Fuck yes I would." He grinned. "What if you had company over?" "I’d throw their asses out and drag yours to bed." He nuzzled my neck. "Good to know. Maybe I’ll randomly show up at all hours of the night, just to test this theory." I played with one of his nipple rings, grinning as he gasped and shivered. "Remember, I know where you live 68

too." Sucking in a breath, he opened his eyes and said, "Does that mean you’ll randomly stop by at all hours of the night to fuck the hell out of me?" "Do you want me to?" "After everything you just did," he said, putting his hand on the side of my neck and leaning in to kiss me. "You’re damn right I do."

69

Eleven When I opened my eyes the next morning, Liam was already awake. He was on his side, resting his head on his hand, and smiled at me. "Morning." "Morning," I said, blinking the sleep out of my eyes. "Sleep well?" "Like the dead, after everything you did," I turned my head to get a kink out of my neck. He kissed me lightly. "Mission accomplished, then." "You haven’t been awake long, have you?" "A while." "Couldn’t sleep?" "Oh, I slept." He smiled again. "I was just trying to decide if I should wake you up, or let you sleep a little longer. Figured I should let you sleep." "Why? Because you knew you wore me out?" He laughed. "Because I knew you were recharging so I could wear you out again." I chuckled and pulled him into a kiss. "You know, we should be careful with all of this talking." He cocked his head. "Why?" "One of these days, we might accidentally have an actual conversation." "A—" He scoffed. "A conversation? You mean, words? Not sex?" "I know, I know, terrible thought." Kissing me lightly, he said, "Oh, I don’t know. I could probably manage a conversation or two. As long as you don’t expect me to quote Shakespeare or some crap." "Only if you want to put me to sleep." 70

"Absolutely not." "Thank God." I laughed. "Besides, I wouldn’t mind getting to know you a little, besides just your bedroom prowess." "What could possibly be more important than that?" He grinned and ran his fingers through my hair. "So what do you want to know?" I shrugged. "Anything, really. I still barely know a thing about you," I said. "Aside from what you do, where you live, and what you drive. Or, well, ride, I guess." He chuckled. "That’s more than I know about you. All I know is where you live." He let a fingertip drift down my arm. "So what do you do?" "I manage a tech support group," I said. "Basically, I still take calls like all the other techies, but I have to deal with their bullshit too." "Oh, that’s brutal." "And I probably deal with as many drunks as you do on a daily basis." "What? People drunk dial tech support?" I nodded. "Yeah, nothing like explaining how to disable a firewall to someone who’s three sheets to the wind." He laughed. "And I thought telling a drunk how to call a cab was a nightmare." "Most of my calls are relatively boring, though. It’s just idiot after idiot. You must have some stories." "Oh, you could say that." He rolled onto his back and I lay on my stomach. "Mix large quantities of stupid with larger quantities of alcohol, and you’re bound to have some entertainment." He ran his fingers through my hair again. I’d never been with a man who did that as much as he did, and I loved it. The Ace bandage brushed the side of my face, but I pretended not to notice it. "Do tell about these stupid drunks," I said. "It’s pretty much the crap you see in movies," he said. "The occasional bar brawl, though that doesn’t happen often where I work. Couples fighting when they’re both completely blitzed. People who get so drunk and horny they forget they’re out in public." "Are you serious?" He nodded, grinning. "It beats the hell out of breaking 71

up a fight, but prying two guys off of each other and throwing them out isn’t all that much fun either." "Isn’t that what the bouncers are for?" "Yeah, but sometimes they’re otherwise occupied," he said. "Or sometimes they need an extra pair of hands." "To pry two people apart?" "Well, it isn’t always only two people." "Your job is definitely more entertaining than mine," I laughed. "I wouldn’t say there’s never a dull moment," he said. "But they’re few and far between. It’s a fun job." I nodded towards the bandage on his wrist. "Can’t imagine that’s made your job any easier." He looked at it and scowled, then shrugged. "It’s not as sore as it was. The first night was a bit rough. Ended up pouring with my left hand as much as I could, but—" He shrugged again. "It happens. Actually, the worst part was riding my bike with it." I cringed. "I can imagine." He pulled his hand away and flexed his wrist gingerly. "It’ll heal eventually." "How bad is it?" I asked. "Just a sprain?" "Nah," he said. "Mostly just bruised it really badly, but I have to keep it wrapped to keep the swelling down." "You didn’t fracture it, did you?" He shook his head. "Had it X-rayed to be sure, but it’s fine." "Damn, how hard did you hit it?" He flinched, but recovered quickly. "Just, you know, smacked the fuck out of it." Clearing his throat, he put his arm over me, his hand and the bandage moving under the covers. "One of those things when you’re slinging cases of booze around." He laughed, but his eyes didn’t back it up. Then he leaned forward and kissed me gently, the smile turning more genuine when he looked at me again. "Jesus, Jon, you just don’t know much how I’ve been hoping you’d show up at Wilde’s." I slid my hand to the back of his neck and drew him into another kiss. "Just took me a little while to get up the nerve to do it." "I didn’t mind waiting," he whispered. He kissed me 72

again, then lay back and looked at me. "And I’d like to see you again, too. Maybe…" He paused, his cheeks coloring slightly. "I don’t know, maybe go out somewhere other than where I work or where one of us lives?" "I think I could be persuaded to be seen in public with you." "Persuaded?" He gave a short cough of laughter and pulled me closer to him. "And here I thought I’d won you over with my amazing oral skills." "Oh, you did," I said. "Good, then I won’t have to twist your arm to go out with me." I pretended to give it some thought. "You could if you wanted to." "Ooh, kinky," he laughed. Then his humor faded. He cleared his throat as he ran his fingers through my hair. "I’ll be totally honest, though. I’m just coming off of this split with my ex, and—" "Don’t want anything serious?" "Exactly." "Then we’re a match made in heaven, because the last thing I want right now is anything serious." "I do want to see you again, though." I shrugged. "So we’ll keep it simple. Casual." He grinned. "You mean we can fuck like there’s no tomorrow without all of the other bullshit?" "That’s exactly what I mean." I ran my finger up the center of his chest. "But I wouldn’t mind going out sometime, too." "Hmm." He pretended to be in deep thought. "So do I have to be on my best behavior if we’re out in public?" Raising an eyebrow, I said, "Define your best behavior, Liam, because I think you and I might have very different interpretations of that." He chuckled. "So, loudly describing everything we did last night is out of the question?" I laughed. "As entertaining as it would be, yes." "Coarse language?" "Encouraged." "Excessive drinking?" "Required." 73

"Bending you over a table and—" "No." "Damn." He laughed. Then he shrugged and his expression turned more serious. "Well, if you’re sure you don’t mind showing your face in public with me…" He raised in eyebrow, waiting for me to nod before he continued. "I have to work the next couple of nights, but I have Wednesday off." "I don’t have anything going on that night." Then I smiled. "Well, now I do." He smiled. "Like seafood?" "Fuck yes." "Good. There’s a place out on Alki that I’ve been dying to try."

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Twelve "Ever been on a motorcycle?" Liam asked when he came to my door on Wednesday night. "Can’t say I have." "Want to? I have an extra helmet with me." His eyebrow lifted, as did the corner of his mouth. "Hell, why not?" I said with a shrug. "I’ve got an extra jacket, too," he said. "Unless you have one you’d rather wear. Preferably leather." "Part of the biker fashion statement?" I asked, reaching into my hall closet for my leather jacket, which I hadn’t worn in eons. He laughed. "No, it’s so you don’t freeze your ass off." I rolled my eyes and pulled the jacket around my shoulders. "This from the man who thinks any temperature less than triple digits is cold." "Trust me on this one," he said. "Hit seventy miles an hour, and I don’t care how hot it is, that wind is cold." "I’ll take your word for it," I said as we headed for the door. "You’re more than welcome to go without a jacket," he said. "But I wouldn’t recommend it. At least when you did that Polar Bear Swim, you had the option of getting out of the water." "So if I got cold, you wouldn’t let me wear your jacket?" He snorted. "Fuck no." "You’re such a gentleman." "I am not and I resent the accusation." 75

In the parking lot, I regarded his bike nervously, but tried not to show it. The idea of blazing down the freeway without that comforting metal shell between my body and the pavement—or other cars—was a bit unnerving, but what the hell? He handed me a helmet and leather gloves. As he put on his own gloves, he nodded towards the bike. "Put your arms around my waist and don’t lean to either side. If you think I should pull over for any reason, just tap my arm." I smirked as I pulled the gloves on. "Do I need a safe word, too?" He laughed and winked. "Not that I’ll be able to hear you." "Are you sure this isn’t just an excuse to have me holding onto you while we’re in traffic?" "That’s exactly what it is." He gestured at my helmet and put his on. "Now get on and hang on." ~*~ After we left the restaurant, there was still an hour or so of daylight remaining. The wind off the water was cool, but not unpleasantly so. I wanted nothing more than to get back to one of our apartments—and his eyes told me we were very much in agreement—but traffic was still hellish this time of night. So, rather than slogging through the remnants of Seattle’s notorious rush hour, we wandered along the waterfront on Alki, the point across the water from downtown. As our conversation meandered between flirting and getting to know each other, I bargained with the rational voice in my head that warned against letting the night go on too long. The longer we stayed out on Alki, the later we’d get into bed, and I was fairly certain the word "quickie" wasn’t in Liam’s vocabulary. It promised to be an incredibly hot night, but I had no doubt I’d be paying for it the next day. Still, even as rush hour died down in the distance and the sun sank closer to the horizon, we just kept walking and talking. The conversation wandered aimlessly amongst the mundane, never straying far from the safety of the superficial, but there was nothing mundane or superficial about the smoldering looks we exchanged along the way. Every time our eyes met, I added a little more time to 76

my self-imposed curfew. By the time we stopped to lean against a railing above the rocky shore, I was contemplating how I could get through the next day on one or two hours of sleep. When Liam absently licked his lips, I promised the angel on my shoulder an extra shot of espresso in the morning if it would just shut up. I know I’m going to pay for this, but every time he looks at me like that, I know it’s going to be worth it. As we talked, my cell phone vibrated in my pocket. I pulled it out and glanced at the caller ID. Craig. Normally, when his name came up, my heart jumped and my hands shook, but the only thing I felt just then was annoyance. Don’t interrupt me. I’m busy getting over you. I pressed the key to send his call to voicemail, and tucked the phone back in my pocket. "Don’t feel like talking?" Liam asked with a grin. "Not to anyone else, no," I said. "And definitely not to my ex-boyfriend." "That the one who’s getting married?" I nodded. "So I’m guessing that he either wants to vent about the wedding or the woman he’s marrying." He laughed and shook his head. "I don’t know how you put up with that, especially when it’s only been a few months." Shrugging, I said, "The price you pay when you stay friends with an ex, I guess." "Yeah, I can imagine," he said, his voice low. "Just another reason I haven’t wanted to even think about getting into a relationship again in the near future. Too much bullshit after the fact, whether you stay friends or not." "So I’m learning." I rolled my eyes and laughed. "Can’t complain about this casual stuff, though." "Amen to that." Then he shrugged. "I don’t know, I’ll probably get serious with someone again eventually. But for now, it’s just too soon." "I hear that," I said. "Two years doesn’t go away overnight." Though six months isn’t exactly overnight. He laughed softly. "Good point." There was a mischievous sparkle in his eyes when he looked at me. "But I certainly can’t complain about what happens overnight 77

sometimes." "Glad to help," I said with a wink. Chuckling, he looked out at a ferry slicing through the rolling waves. Absently, he rubbed his injured wrist, which was no longer wrapped but still bore the fading remnants of a bruise. A hint of a grimace pulled at his mouth. "Feeling better?" I nodded towards his wrist. He glanced down, as if he hadn’t realized what he was doing. "Yeah, it’s healing." Tugging his sleeve over the bruise, he laughed humorlessly. "It’d probably heal faster if I gave it a rest." "Can’t imagine what you’re doing to overuse it." I snickered. "Oh please," he laughed, this time with some genuine humor. "With you around?" "Oh, I see," I said. "So I’m just here to give your hand a rest." "And you hate every minute of it." "I do. Terribly." "Bullshit," he snorted. He looked down at his hand again, flexing his wrist before resting it on the railing again. "No, it’s just between work and packing to move, my hands are killing me anyway." He gestured sharply at his injured wrist. "That doesn’t help much." "Packing?" I remembered the boxes all over his apartment. "Moving?" He nodded. "Just a few blocks away. Seemed like a good idea at the time, but damn, talk about a pain in the ass." "You know, if you need an extra pair of hands, I’d be more than happy to help." "Are you sure? Seems like a bit much to ask of a booty call." "You’re not asking, I’m offering." I laughed. "But I do accept tips." He chuckled. "Trust me, you will be more than compensated." "In that case, I’ll definitely help." "I appreciate it, believe me." His smile was amused but still genuine. "When are you moving?" 78

"A week from Sunday. I’m paying everyone else who helps me with beer and gas money, but—" He grinned. "I think you and I can negotiate a different kind of currency." I rested my forearms on the railing and gave him a playful look. "Do I still get beer and gas money?" "Absolutely." "Then I’ll be there." He laughed, but when he turned towards me, the laughter faded to a grin, which in turn shrank into a shy smile. He took a breath as if he was about to speak, but then exhaled, his eyes darting towards the water. "What?" I asked. He shifted his weight, turning his body towards me but still looking at the water. After a moment, he looked at me. "I know it’s kind of an odd question, but are you okay with, you know…" He trailed off, avoiding my eyes for a second. "In public?" I shrugged. At that point, I wanted him so badly, I probably wouldn’t have objected to much of anything. "I guess it depends on what you have in mind." He swallowed hard, looking out at the water again. I put my hand over his on the railing and ran my thumb across the back of his wrist. "Why?" When he looked at me, I couldn’t tell if it was the rich red reflection of the setting sun or the palpable lust within, but the intensity in his eyes sent a shiver down my spine. In a voice so low it almost drowned in the rhythmic rumble of the waves below us, he said, "Because I really want to kiss you right now." There was no point in even trying to speak, so I didn’t bother. I turned, and as soon as my shoulder was no longer between us, he didn’t hesitate. Just as he had the night we met, he breathed me into a kiss that was as slow and gentle as it was spine-tingling. Considering how many things we’d already done together—and how many times—a simple kiss shouldn’t have turned me on this much, but it did. The angel on my shoulder once again tried to warn me against letting this turn into a late night. When the kiss deepened, the soft whisper of Liam’s breath against my skin drowned out that little voice. As his arm went around my waist and his other hand slid up my neck into my hair, his 79

coarsely stubbled jaw moving slowly beneath my hand, the only voice in my head was the one screaming for me to get Liam home now. By the time we separated and looked at each other, I was already planning my excuse du jour to call in sick the next day. He slowly ran his tongue along his lip. "Want to get out of here?" "In a minute." I pulled him closer, kissing him again. "In a minute?" he laughed softly against my lips. His fingernails gently brushed my scalp, making me shiver. "The sooner we leave, the sooner we can get into bed." "I know." I slid my hand around to the back of his neck. "But I want to watch the sun go down." "Mm hmm." His held me tighter. "Can’t watch the sun go down with your eyes closed." "Details."

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Thirteen Long after the sun went down, we made it back to Liam’s motorcycle and headed out to the deserted freeway. Traffic had long since cleared out, but it seemed like forever before we left the interstate and made it up to Broadway. The sign for Broadway made my heart pound; the bland green and white sign may as well have been bright red neon screaming only a few blocks to Liam’s apartment. We passed the coffee shop where we’d met after leaving Wilde’s that first night, and I was ready to come unglued. The first cross street. Then the second. The cold brick wall that I swore I could still feel biting into my shoulder blades. The light ahead of us—the last cross street before his apartment—turned red. We slowed to a stop and Liam put his foot on the pavement to balance the bike. As he did, he put his hand over mine, squeezing gently. I couldn’t see his face or hear his voice. Two thick layers of leather divided our hands and kept me from feeling his skin. We were about as separated as two people could be when sitting this close together, but when his thumb ran over the back of my hand, I shivered as if he’d touched bare skin. I moved my thumb against his and he squeezed my hand again. The light turned green and he released my hands. I couldn’t help but notice that we were going just a little faster this time. When the apartment came into view, the engine whined as he accelerated again. A ripple of fear ran up my 81

spine as I wondered just how fast he planned to take the turn into the parking lot, but he slowed down and made a smooth arc from the road into the lot, coming to a stop in a reserved parking spot. We both took our helmets off and I couldn’t help but notice that his hair was just slightly tousled, the way it was after I took his shirt off the other night. "I could have sworn that drive was shorter." He put a gloved hand on the side of my face and kissed me, his breath hissing across my skin as his mouth devoured mine. "Let’s get in the house," I whispered. Behind me, an engine revved and tires squealed. Liam broke the kiss and looked up, his body tensing, eyes fixed somewhere over my shoulder. I glanced behind me, then looked at him. "What’s wrong?" His eyes followed something, then he shook his head and kissed me again. "Nothing. Just another idiot trying to cause an accident." Then he grinned and nodded towards the building. "Come on, let’s get inside before I do something to get us arrested." We both took the stairs two at a time, but I couldn’t say for sure if that was why we were both breathless by the time Liam dead-bolted the front door behind us. He set the helmets on a chair, then leather creaked as he pulled me into a hungry, desperate kiss. Against my lips, he growled, "I’ve been going out of my mind all day waiting for this." Still wearing his gloves, he touched my face, then pulled away abruptly. "Fucking things," he muttered, yanking his gloves off with shaking hands. I did the same and when we came together again, the coarse warmth of his skin against my fingertips made my breath catch. The leather jacket that had kept the chill wind at bay was suddenly much too hot. Still kissing him, I unzipped my jacket, then went for his. He shrugged his off and pushed mine over my shoulders. After being divided by leather for the last half hour, even the thin fabric of our shirts was simply too much distance, so we got rid of those too. He led me into the bedroom and we kicked off the rest of our clothes. He put his arms around me and kissed me 82

hungrily, picking up where we’d left off out on Alki. The intensity of his kiss combined with the heat of his body made my knees shake. Oh yes, I’m going to pay for this tomorrow. And oh yes, it’s going to be worth it. We inched towards the bed. "My God, I want you so bad," he said, turning away just long enough to pull a condom out of the drawer. "You just don’t—" He stopped abruptly, lips parted in surprise when I plucked the condom out of his hand. "The feeling’s mutual, believe me." I tore the wrapper with my teeth and winked at him. He stared at me in disbelief for a second, then his lips pulled into a grin. I kissed him as I rolled the condom on and fumbled blindly for the lube. "On my back?" he murmured against my lips. "Not this time." I poured some lube into my hand. "Knees?" I shook my head and grinned. "Just put your hands on the bed." "I like the sound of this." He paused to kiss me before doing as I asked. Closing my hands around his hips, I took a deep breath, trying to keep myself from coming just from the sheer anticipation. I pushed against him and as the head of my cock slid into him, I watched a shudder ripple up his spine. "Oh fuck, Jon," he murmured. "That’s…" The words faded to a low groan and his shoulders trembled. I moistened my lips. "Like that?" He nodded, releasing another soft groan as I withdrew slowly. As I moved faster, I let my hands move from his hips to his back, then up his spine to his shoulders. His muscles quivered beneath my hands, every tremor sending me closer to an orgasm, but I forced myself to hold back. There was no way this could be over that fast; I was aroused beyond words, but this was too hot to end yet. "That feels amazing," he breathed. "You have no idea." I gritted my teeth to keep myself in control. Keeping one hand on his shoulder, I slid the other 83

around his waist. He shivered as I stroked his cock. "Oh God," he groaned. He shifted his weight onto one hand and closed the other over mine, neither hindering nor guiding, just touching. As if he wanted to feel my strokes every way he possibly could. "Harder," he growled. "Fuck me harder." "You want it harder?" "Yes," he said. "I want it harder." I gently brought my hand out from under his, never breaking the rhythm of our joint strokes as I closed his fingers around his cock to let him take over. I held his hips and thrust into him, fucking him so hard his balance faltered. He braced himself with his free hand, but even then, his other shoulder didn’t stop its rhythmic motion as he continued stroking his own cock. "Oh God, Jon," he moaned. "Oh God, I’m gonna—" He gasped. "Jesus, that feels good…" I grabbed his arm. "Not yet," I said, panting and struggling to keep from breaking my rhythm. "Don’t come yet." "What? Don’t—" "Not until you fuck me," I said through clenched teeth. Another shiver straightened his spine and he put his other hand on the bed. Between being inside him and the anticipation of having him inside me, I couldn’t hold back anymore. I thrust into him as hard as I could, the room spinning around me faster and faster as each stroke brought me closer. The only thing my eyes could focus on was Liam, and when my orgasm took over, even his shape faded into an abstract blur. I released a roar, then a groan, and my knees went slack. Holding onto him for balance, I closed my eyes and struggled to catch my breath. "Oh God," I whispered, sliding my hands up his sides and kissing between his shoulders. He shuddered. "Oh my God, I want to fuck you," he said, taking in a hiss of breath when I flicked my tongue across his spine. Steadying myself with one hand on his back I pulled out slowly, my teeth chattering as every nerve in my body crackled with the last few aftershocks of my orgasm. As I got 84

rid of the condom, he grabbed another and quickly put it on, his hands trembling when he reached for the lube. "I can’t remember the last time I was this turned on," he said. "I think this is the first time I’ve ever been this turned on," I said, my voice still shaking. He said nothing, just grinned and put his arms around me. Kissing me deeply, he guided me onto the bed. Then he sat up, pressing his cock against me. "Oh my God…" he groaned as he slowly pushed into me. "Jesus, you feel good," I whispered. "You feel fucking incredible." As soon as he was all the way inside me, he lowered himself onto his forearms and kissed me, taking long, deep strokes as his tongue parted my lips. Then, he raised himself over me and moved faster, exertion making him grimace and furrow his brow, but his eyes never left mine. Locked on mine, his eyes were filled with nothing but primal, passionate lust, and every powerful thrust echoed that need. Seeing it and feeling it weren’t enough; I needed to taste it again. I pulled him back down to me, kissing him deeply as he thrust harder and harder. A tremor rippled through him and he broke the kiss, his entire body shaking and his breath coming in short, uneven gasps. "Fucking hell," he breathed, kissing my neck as his shoulders rose and fell above me with every thrust. "Oh my God, I’m—" He tried to kiss me, but then his head fell beside mine and he shuddered, releasing a groan that faded into little more than a whimper. "Oh my God, Jon," he moaned, raising his head. "You feel so good, but I’m—" He gasped, screwing his eyes shut. "I’m fucking losing it." I ran my thumbs over his nipple rings, watching his lips part as another shudder ran up his spine. "Don’t hold back, Liam." "God, I want to come…" He opened his eyes, looking at me with the same burning intensity he had before he kissed me earlier in the evening. "But I don’t want this to be over. I don’t—" Another gasp. "I don’t want to stop." I sucked in a breath. I don’t want you to stop. Not 85

now. Not tonight. Not tomorrow. Not— Pushing those thoughts aside, I said, "We’re not going to stop. You have me all night." For a fleeting second, his eyes met mine. In the next heartbeat, a violent tremor knocked the breath out of him and an equally violent thrust knocked the breath out of me. He shuddered, closing his eyes as he released a throaty roar. He collapsed over me, supporting his weight on his forearms as he panted against my shoulder. "Fucking…hell…" he whispered. I stroked his sweaty hair as he caught his breath. My muscles ached with fatigue, but I knew we weren’t done. We were nowhere near done. Though I was satisfied for the moment, the sizzling current of need still thrummed just beneath the surface. When Liam raised his head and kissed me with the same hunger he had at the beginning of the night, I knew he was going to take me at my word. We weren’t going to stop. He was going to have me all fucking night.

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Fourteen I didn’t have to worry about waking up in time to call in sick to work. My boss came in at six thirty in the morning, and by the time Liam and I were even thinking about going to sleep, it was after seven. I didn’t bother trying to sound sick; fatigue took care of that for me, along with a throat that was raw from nearly waking Liam’s neighbors. "Hey Barry," I said when my boss picked up. "It’s Jon. I’m not going to make it in today." "You all right, man?" he asked. "You sound like hell." I cleared my throat to mask the laugh that almost came out. "I’ll live. Just, I don’t know, a cold or something." Clearing my throat again, this time for effect, I added, "I should be okay tomorrow, but my voice is all kinds of fucked up today." Liam snorted with laughter, putting his hand over his mouth to keep quiet. "Well, take it easy, then," Barry said. "Call me if you don’t think you’ll be in tomorrow." He didn’t sound happy, but he didn’t argue. I almost never called in sick unless I was on death’s doorstep, so when I did, he took me at my word. "I’ll be fine," I said. After I hung up, I set my phone on the nightstand. "Shameless liar," Liam said. "What? It’s true," I said. "My voice is all jacked up." "Okay, that much is true." "What was I supposed to say?" I laughed. "That I was up til the break of dawn getting laid, so I’m too tired?" 87

"Seems reasonable enough to me." He nuzzled my neck. "I’m sure your boss would understand if you couldn’t come in after everything we did." "Right, of course," I said, letting my fingertips trail down the middle of his back. "In fact, he’d be so understanding, he’d probably tell me not to come back at all." "Hmm." He nipped my shoulder. "Then you’d have more time to fuck me." "You’re going to be the death of me yet, Liam." "Complaining?" "Not in the least." He raised his head and kissed me lightly. "So since you’re not going to work tomorrow—well, today—do you have any plans for the rest of the day?" "Besides a few hours of sleep?" "Besides that." "Not a thing." He kissed me again. "Then let’s take care of those few hours of sleep, and I’ll help you find something to do for the rest of the day." "Deal." ~*~ My cell phone startled me awake. I glanced at the clock and groaned when I realized it was only nine thirty. Barely two hours of sleep, and someone was already pestering me. Gently freeing myself from Liam’s arms, I grabbed my phone. It was Craig again. Oh, for fuck’s sake, what do you want? I rolled my eyes. In my flustered, tired state, I accidentally hit the button to answer instead of transferring it to voicemail. "Goddammit," I muttered. Now I had to either answer or hang up on him. Keeping my voice down so I wouldn’t disturb Liam, I said, "Hey, Craig, what’s up?" "Hey, Jon," Craig said. "I didn’t think you’d answer, aren’t you at work?" "Called in sick," I said. "What’s—" "Sick? You okay? You sound—" "Yeah, yeah, I’m fine." I rubbed my eyes, trying to will myself to stay awake long enough to finish this call. "I can’t 88

really talk right now. What’s up?" "I just needed to find out if you’re available for the tux fitting next Wednesday." I blinked through the fog of exhaustion. "I, um, I’m not sure. I don’t have a calendar handy. I’m—" Liam stirred beside me. A moment later, the warmth of his body was against me and I had to resist the urge to suck in a breath. "You’re what?" Craig said. "I’m—" I cleared my throat, closing my eyes as Liam kissed my neck. "Not anywhere near a calendar." A soft huff of laughter whispered across my spine. "Okay," Craig said. "I need to know as soon as possible, though. Rebecca’s picked one of those places that requires appointments, and she won’t get off my back until I take care of it." "I’ll call you back tonight. I still have—" My breath caught as Liam kissed between my shoulder blades. "What’s wrong? Are—" Craig cut himself off. "Do, um, should I let you go?" Liam ran the tip of his tongue up the center of my spine, making me shiver. Stifling a laugh, I said, "I really should go. I’ll call you later today." His voice vibrating against my skin, Liam said, "No, no, keep talking." I shuddered. "I have to go." Craig laughed, but it was a humorless, bitter sound. "I’ll talk to you later. Have fun." Liam flicked his tongue across the base of my neck. "Oh, that you will," he growled. "Bye, Craig." I snapped my phone shut and laughed. "You’re a big help, you know that?" He pressed his erection against me. "Well, yes, I am, but—oh, wait, you said ‘help’." We both laughed. Nibbling the side of my neck, he said, "So what kind of jackass calls this early in the morning?" I bit my lip as his stubble brushed my shoulder. "Exboyfriends that are being brow-beaten by their soon-to-bewives about wedding plans." 89

"Poor bastard." He slid his arm over me and pressed his hips against me. "Sorry I woke you up." I reached back to run my fingers through his hair as he kissed his way up the side of my neck. "He woke me up, not you." "Either way, terribly sorry." "As well you should be." He grinned against my skin. "But now that I’m awake…" "Jesus, you really are insatiable." "Wasn’t until I met you," he whispered. "Stay right there." Guess I can’t complain too much, I thought as Liam reached for a condom. At least Craig’s wedding is getting me laid.

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Fifteen Liam and I slept away the rest of the morning and most of the afternoon. We managed to get dressed and leave the house long enough for a bite to eat, but didn’t stay away long. Half the time we were too exhausted to do much more than lie in bed and talk or kiss, but I wasn’t complaining. Once in a while, a twinge of guilt invaded my conscience. I wasn’t one to call out sick even when I was sick, so this was unusual for me. Those little pangs of regret never lasted long though; the taste of Liam’s kiss cured them every time. By the time Liam dropped me off at my apartment, it was almost ten thirty. Shortly after he left, I remembered that Craig wanted me to call him back. He didn’t bother with a "hello". Instead, he greeted me with, "Finally found a spare minute?" The sarcasm in his tone instantly made me roll my eyes. "I’m sorry, I didn’t realize it was quite so urgent." "Right. Anyway." He paused. "Thanks for calling me back." "Not a problem." The line was silent for a moment. Finally, I said, "So, I assume there was a reason you wanted me to call?" "Yeah, I told you when I called this morning." I sighed. "Refresh my memory, I was half-asleep." "So I gathered," he muttered. "Anyway—" "Oh for fuck’s sake, Craig, out with it," I said. "Why the cold shoulder all of a sudden?" "I’m not giving you the cold shoulder, what are you—" "Cut the crap," I growled. "What is the—" 91

"Did you really call in sick to stay in with your boyfriend?" My jaw dropped, Craig’s brazenness stunning me into silence. "Jon?" I wasn’t sure if I should laugh or get angry. "I, um, I wouldn’t call him a boyfriend, but—" "You know what I mean," he snapped. I took a deep breath, trying to keep my temper in check. "Not that it’s any of your business, but yes, I did." He scoffed. "Since when do you call in sick to work to stay in with a guy?" Since I met a guy who makes it worth my while. "Is that what the problem is?" His tone softened, dipping to an almost patronizing level of gentleness. "Jon, I’m just worried about you. It’s not like you to—" "To what? Go out and have a good time, get laid, and maybe, once in a blue moon, play hooky?" "You’ve never—" "Enough," I said. "You’ve made your point. I’m an adult. So is he. I don’t need to answer to you about it." "No, but—" "Craig, can we discuss what you wanted to discuss instead of the sex life you insisted I go out and get?" "Now wait a minute," he said, sounding more annoyed than patronizing. "I told you to get on with your life, but I didn’t tell you to go out and risk your damned job." I rolled my eyes again. "For God’s sake, I am not risking my job. It was one sick day. I get several of them every year, you know." "Jon, come on, for a date? I mean how—" "Jesus, it’s not that big of a deal, and it’s really not your concern." I gritted my teeth. "Now when did Rebecca want to schedule us for this tux fitting?" He let out a huff of breath. In a resigned tone, he said, "Next Wednesday at six." "I can do that. Where?" "The formalwear place at Westlake." He paused. "You know where that is, right?" "I know where Westlake is," I said. "I’ll find the store 92

when I get there." "Okay, sounds good. I’ll see you then." "Take care, Craig." "Likewise," he muttered. I snapped my phone shut and let out an exasperated breath. What the hell was his problem? First he wanted me going out and meeting someone, now he wanted to act like he was my damned mother. You wanted me to meet someone, but now you’re getting your nose out of joint when I have the audacity to have a good time with him? I paused. Then I laughed. Oh, jealousy, thy name is Craig.

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Sixteen Liam set his wine glass on top of a stack of cardboard boxes and continued filling another with books. "Could you hand me the tape?" I said, holding the flaps closed on another box. I sat cross-legged on the floor, taking books out of the lower shelves while he stood on the other side of the room emptying the upper shelves. He tossed me the tape roll. "These are going to be a bitch to haul out of here." He eyed the dozen or so boxes we’d already filled and the bookcases that we hadn’t yet touched. "I know the feeling." I taped the box shut, shoved it aside, and picked up another. "I probably have as many books as you do." "I should go through them eventually and see if I have any to get rid of." "Getting rid of books?" I scoffed. "Blasphemy." He laughed, pulling a handful down from the top shelf. "Give me a week or two after I’m settled in, and I won’t hear of the idea again. It’s only moving the damned things that makes me think of culling the herd." "I hear that. Last time I moved, I was half-tempted to just throw them all out the window and toss a match in." He held a handful of books and looked at the window, then back at me. Smirking, he said, "You know, that doesn’t sound like a bad idea." I gave him my best menacing look. "Don’t even think about it." He chuckled. "We’ll see how protective you are of them after you’ve carried a box or twelve on Sunday." 94

"Who says I’m going to carry boxes of books? I just said I’d help you move. I didn’t say I’d carry the heavy shit." "You’ll carry whatever the hell I tell you to carry," he laughed. "We’ll see about that." He gave me a playful glare, then shook his head. "Thanks for helping me out, by the way." "No problem. Gives me a chance to snoop through your reading material and find out what really goes on in that twisted mind of yours." "Well, then it’s a good thing I already packed up my porn collection." He grinned and walked past me to get another empty box. I dropped a couple of books into a box and stared at him, slack-jawed. "What? You packed the porn without even giving me a chance to look at it?" "I figured there was no sense keeping it out." He leaned down to kiss the side of my neck on his way back to the other side of the room. "Once you started coming around, I didn’t need it anymore." "Hmm, but you kept the do-it-yourself carpentry books out." I held up a stack. "Were you planning on building some furniture?" He grinned. "Repairing some, most likely." "Can’t help you fix any of it," I said, wedging books into the mostly-full box. "But I’ll gladly help you break it." Raising his wine glass, he gave me a half nod. "That was the plan." He set the glass down again. "Tape?" I tossed him the roll. "So why are you moving, anyway? This apartment is a hell of a lot nicer than mine." Taping the box shut, he shrugged. "Rent’s cheaper, for one thing." "Isn’t it farther from work, too?" He nodded. "It is, but…" He trailed off as he pushed the box against the growing stack. "I don’t know, I just needed a change of scenery. Spent two years in this place with my ex." "Ah," I said. "That I can understand. I’ve debated moving at the end of my lease for the same reason." "Oh yeah?" He glanced over his shoulder at me as he pulled another stack down from one of the top shelves. "How 95

long did you guys live together?" "A year. It was actually his place, but he signed the lease over to me when he left." "How considerate," Liam muttered. "Tell me about it. Anyway, it’s a nice place, so—" I shrugged. "I might renew it for another year, I might not." "It’s funny how places seem different after someone’s left," he said. "You know, you get so used to that person being there. Then when they’re gone, it’s like the whole place is…" "Wrong?" "Yes, exactly." He looked around the room. "Wrong. Definitely the right word." I couldn’t be sure, but I swore he shuddered. Then he cleared his throat and went back to packing books. "So what happened with you and your ex?" "You know, I’m not even sure. I think he just wanted out." "What do you mean?" I pulled a handful of books down and set them in a box before stretching a kink out of my back and reaching for my wine glass. "He spent the whole last year picking fights, then decided we fought too much, and left." Liam raised an eyebrow. "So he didn’t like fighting," he said, resting his hands on the side of a box. "But he kept picking fights? I suppose he blamed you for that?" "Basically, yeah." I sipped my wine and gestured dismissively. "Such is life, I guess." "Yeah, I hear that." He sealed another box and moved it aside. "You think exes ever talk about us that way? Thinking we were the bastards in the relationship, not them?" "I’m sure they do. Though I know I’ve been the bastard in a relationship before." He looked up from putting a box together. "Have you?" My face burned as I sipped my wine. "Cheated on my boyfriend in college." His eyebrows lifted. I set my glass down. "Biggest mistake I ever made, let me tell you." "Really?" 96

"Fuck yeah," I said. "Couldn’t sleep for a week afterward, until I finally told him what happened. Then I didn’t sleep that night because I was helping him get his stuff out of my apartment." "You helped him move out?" "Well, yeah, I wasn’t just going to sit there and gloat. I felt like enough of a dick for cheating on him. The sooner he was gone, the better." I closed the flaps on the box. "Tape?" He tossed it to me, swirling his wine glass with the other hand. "Lesson learned, I guess." "No shit." Then I smirked. "Never cheat on someone right before finals." He laughed. "I can only imagine." "Seriously, though." I moved the sealed box aside and laid the roll of tape across it. "Biggest mistake I ever made." "You think you guys would have stayed together if it hadn’t happened?" "Not a chance," I said. "It just shouldn’t have ended like that." "I know how that goes." He rubbed the back of his neck gingerly. "I could use a break, how about you?" Twisting a crick out of my back, I said, "Sounds good to me." He offered me a hand and helped me to my feet. I paused, bending my knees gingerly. "I’m getting too old to sit like that." He snorted as we headed out of the office. "Too old? I haven’t noticed your age hindering you with any other physically taxing activities." He looked over his shoulder and winked. "Yeah, but I’m not fucking you with my knees." He shrugged. "As long as the important parts are working…" He gestured flippantly and dropped onto the couch with a theatrical groan. "Oh man, I think I’m getting too old for this." I joined him, resting my arm on the back of the couch and my knee on the cushion between us. "So, that begs the question, then: How old is too old for this?" "Are you asking how old I am?" "Since that’s clearly the definition of ‘too old’ in this case." 97

"Fuck you," he laughed. "How do you know I’m not younger than you?" "Just a guess." He rolled his eyes. "I’m thirty-six." I raised my glass. Just before I took a sip, I said, "Then I was right." "So just how much of a cradle-robber does that make me?" Setting my glass on the coffee table, I shook my head. "The worst kind. Terrible, really. You should be ashamed." Gesturing dismissively, he said, "I’m not, but you might as well tell me anyway." "Thirty-four." He blinked. "No way." "What? You think I’m older?" "No, I thought you were younger than that." "Well, thirty-four’s what the driver’s license says." "Prove it." He sipped his wine and set it down. "Oh no, if I show you my driver’s license, you’re showing me yours first." "Bring it on, youngster." He fished his wallet out of his back pocket, pulled his driver’s license out, and handed it to me. I took it and rolled my eyes. "It figures. This photo looks like it was taken by a damned pro." "What can I say?" he said with a smug grin. "The camera likes me." "Yeah, well, the camera at the DMV does not like me." He held out his hand. "Come on, I showed you mine. Your turn." I groaned and pulled my wallet out. "Prepare to see my ugly side." He took my license and laughed. "Oh, it’s not that bad." "Are you kidding? They made me look like a damned drug addict." "It’s not that bad," he said. "I mean, it would have been better if they gave you a little bar with some numbers on it, so it would look like a real mugshot, but—" "Oh fuck you," I laughed, plucking my license out of his hand. 98

"Hey, give it back!" He reached for it. "I wasn’t done looking at it." "Yes, you are." I held it out of his reach. "You saw it, and now it’s going back in my wallet, never to see the light of day again." "Fine." He rolled his eyes and pretended to pout. I opened my wallet and started to put my license back in, and he lunged for it. It fell out of my hand and we both reached for it, nearly toppling off the couch, but managing to right ourselves even as we laughed hysterically. "No, you’ve seen enough of—" I stopped abruptly when I looked at him and realized how close his face was to mine. The laughter faded and the air between us electrified. "Trust me, Jon," he said, pulling me closer. His hand went from my shoulder to the back of my neck as his other snaked around my waist. "I definitely haven’t seen enough of you." He kissed me and we sank onto the couch, his body over mine. I put my arms around him, tangling my fingers in his hair as his lips parted to invite my tongue into his mouth. The kiss was sweet with the faint remnants of wine, but it wasn’t the alcohol that made me lightheaded. I pulled him closer. "I think that’s enough work for one night," he whispered, between kisses. He pressed his erection against my hip and, in a low growl, added, "But I could go for a shower. How about you?"

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Seventeen When we stepped into the shower, I thought we might fool around, get each other spun up, then finish things off in bed, but Liam brought a condom and lube just in case. Or maybe he brought them because he didn’t share my illusion that this was only foreplay. All I knew for sure is that his kiss made my spine melt and his touch made my cock ache. Before long, it was clear we weren’t going to make it back into the bedroom any time soon. The shower was almost scalding hot, but it was tepid against my skin compared to the heat of Liam’s body. He held my face in both hands, kissing me passionately as water poured over both of us. I closed my fingers around his cock and he moaned, letting his head fall back. As soon as he did, I bent and kissed the underside of his jaw, then his neck, following a drop of water down the front of his throat to his collarbone. "Oh fuck," he breathed, his fingertips trailing across my shoulders. I paused to make a circle with the tip of my tongue and his pulse raced just beneath his hot skin. As I continued down his neck to his chest, his fingers ran through my wet hair, twitching each time my lips found a sweet spot. Another drop of water rolled down his chest, pausing on his nipple ring. Just before it fell away, I caught it with my tongue, his hands tightening in my hair as I pulled the piercing between my lips. A deep groan drowned in the sound of the shower as I released the ring and started down his abs, inching downward, one kiss at a time. I ran my hand down the side 100

of his leg while I circled the head of his cock with my tongue. By the time my knees touched the floor, his were shaking. "Oh my God, Jon," he murmured, leaning against the wall as I stroked him with both hands and mouth. He shuddered when I deep-throated him, so I did it again. Then again. I alternated between rapid, shallow strokes and slowly deep-throating him, changing my pace every time I thought he’d adjusted to one rhythm. His breath caught and his cock twitched against my tongue. There was no string of profanity this time, no moaning my name, no unabashed roar. In the instant that he came, the only sound was a quiet, choked whimper and his hand hitting the wall when his knees tried to buckle. I didn’t stop until he begged me to, and when I stood, he again held my face in both hands, pulling me into a deep, breathless kiss. "I want you to fuck me," he said, struggling to catch his breath. "I planned on it." I kissed him again. With a trembling hand, he grabbed the condom and lube that he’d had the foresight to bring in with us. "Glad you thought ahead," I said as I put the condom on. "I always keep a condom handy if I’m going to be anywhere near you," he said in a low, unsteady growl that told me he probably wasn’t kidding. He poured lube into his hand and stroked my cock with it. Our eyes met and I had to stop his hand to keep myself from coming. He kissed me quickly, then turned around. He braced himself against the wall and I pressed my cock against him. He shivered—maybe from the cool lube, maybe from anticipation—as I slowly pushed into him, making sure he felt every inch. It wasn’t just to tease him; I was so turned on, so overwhelmed, I was afraid I’d come if I moved any faster. "Oh my God, you feel…" My hoarse whisper nearly drowned in the sound of falling water. "So do you," he said. "Jesus, so do you." He pushed back against me, pulling me deeper. I gasped, biting my lip as I tried to hold back, but there was no point. I was simply too turned on to wait, and it 101

didn’t matter if I fucked him fast or slow. Gripping his hips, I gave him everything I had, driving my cock as deep as I could into him. He moaned, and I thought he begged me not to stop, but I couldn’t hear him because all I could think of was how incredible he felt and how close I was and how fucking beautiful he was and in the next heartbeat— "Oh, Jesus!" I pulled his hips against me and came, the sheer force of my orgasm almost knocking my knees out from under me. When I slowly withdrew, my knees did buckle and I leaned against the wall for balance. He turned around and put his arms around me, kissing me tenderly as I let my head stop spinning. "My God, you’re amazing," he whispered. I put my arms around his neck, as much for stability as affection. "Likewise." "I love the way you fuck me," he said. "In fact, I love it so much, there’s only one thing I can do now," "What’s that?" He reached past me and turned off the water, the room falling completely silent except for our breathing. Just before he kissed me, he said, "Take you to bed and fuck you."

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Eighteen My phone rang at quarter past eleven on Friday night. I thought it was Liam, even though he was at work, but it was Craig. "Hey, what’s up?" "Hey," he said. "Are you busy?" Are you slurring? "Not at the moment, no." "Do you mind if I come by?" I leaned back on the couch. "What’s going on?" He was quiet for a moment. "Rebecca and I got into it, I just…" He took a breath. "I need to get out of the house for a while." Something in the back of my mind told me I was going to regret it, but I said, "Sure, come on over." When I opened the door twenty minutes later, his red eyes and the pungent smell of alcohol greeted me. You’ve been drinking for a while, haven’t you? "Hey," he said. "Can I come in?" I nodded and stood aside. He was mostly solid on his feet, but his gait wavered just a little. I closed the door and watched him make his way across the living room with a great deal of effort. "You didn’t drive here, did you?" He shook his head as he dropped onto my couch. "Grabbed a taxi." I took a seat on the other end of the couch, half a cushion dividing us. "So, what happened?" "Oh, you know," he said. "The usual crap about the wedding, about you, about—" "About me?" 103

"Yeah." He rolled his eyes and groaned. "She still thinks you’re hung up on me." "Jesus, she and I talked about that at the engagement party. I thought we’d settled it." He laughed, that throaty bark of laughter that comes with a few too many beers. "Nothing’s ever settled with her. You think you’ve got something sorted, then ten minutes later, she’s all over your ass about it." I chewed my lip and let out a long breath through my nose. Obviously she and I still needed to sort a few things out. Either that, or she could learn to live with it, because I wasn’t going to lose sleep over convincing her, for the millionth time, that I wasn’t going to take Craig from her. He waved dismissively. "Anyway, enough about all of that bullshit, let’s talk about something else," he slurred. "Did you say you’re seeing someone now?" I hesitated. Given his attitude the other night, I didn’t expect him to be so enthusiastic about hearing about Liam. "I, yeah. I am." "Tell me about him." His eyebrows lifted in an expression of genuine—if alcohol-fueled—curiosity. "Is it serious?" "We just met. It’s just, you know, casual." He nodded with what seemed to be approval. "So where’d you meet him?" "Wilde’s. He’s one of the bartenders." Craig’s eyes widened. "You snagged one of the bartenders from that place?" He clapped my shoulder, blinking a few times as if the alcohol made it hard to focus. "Well done, my friend." "Why?" I laughed. "Are they part of some elite group I don’t know about?" "Yeah, they’re bartenders at Wilde’s." He clicked his tongue and shook his head as if the answer was blatantly obvious. "Have you seen the men behind that bar? Christ, I don’t think I’ve seen one there that I wouldn’t fuck if given half the chance." "Well," I said, chuckling. "I was given half the chance and took it." "Don’t blame you. I swear, they must recruit the hottest men in town to pour drinks in that place." 104

"Honestly, I haven’t really paid attention to any of them except him." "Oh, man, you’re missing out. Give ‘em all a look when you go in, trust me." He paused. "There was one there, maybe three months ago…" He paused again, then shook his head and whistled. "Gorgeous. Must have been East Indian. Man, he was hot." The hairs on the back of my neck stood up. Wait, what were you doing in a gay bar three months ago? "I don’t think I’ve seen him there," I said. "Yeah, he wasn’t there the last few times I went in. Must’ve quit." The last few times you went in? I pursed my lips. Don’t ask. Don’t ask. "So which one is it?" he asked. "Hmm?" "This bartender you’re fucking, which one?" I chewed the inside of my cheek. "His name’s Liam." Craig’s brow furrowed. His lips moved, silently repeating Liam’s name a couple of times as if running it through his memory. Then he snapped his fingers. "Isn’t he one of the managers or something?" He gestured at his jaw. "The one that never shaves?" "I wouldn’t say he never shaves." I shivered at the thought of Liam’s stubbled jaw against my neck. "You son of a bitch," he laughed, shaking his head. "Damn, between him and that new guy, the blond, it’s worth the cover just to go in and look." And you of all people shouldn’t be looking there of all places. Something turned in my gut. I swallowed. "I don’t think I’ve seen the blond." "Cute fucker," he said. "A bit more of a babyface than I like, but he’s inked all to hell." You know this how? A sick feeling rose in my throat. "How, um, how long has he been working there?" He shrugged. "I don’t know, two months, maybe?" The sick feeling swelled into anger, and the question was out before I could stop it. "Craig, when was the last time you went to Wilde’s?" "Fuck, I don’t know, I go in occasionally." "Does Rebecca know?" 105

"God, no," he said with a flippant wave. "She knows I hang out in clubs with friends occasionally, but she’d shit if she knew I was there." As well she should. I shifted uncomfortably, inching away from him on the couch, resisting the urge to ask him if he’d gone there while we were together. Wilde’s wasn’t the kind of place people went to grab a couple of beers and hang out with friends. Classy and sophisticated as it seemed, it was nothing more than a well-dressed meat market. A smorgasbord for singles. A cheater’s paradise. Nausea rose in my throat. Rebecca was concerned about me trying to take Craig, but maybe she needed to pay attention to the other men in town. Either way, I’d heard more than enough. "It’s getting late." I rose off the couch. "I have to be up early tomorrow, so I should let you go. Are you going to be okay getting home?" "I can get a cab." He stood and we started towards the door, but then he hesitated. "Rebecca’s probably asleep, though. I should really deal with her tomorrow." When you’re sober. Good call. "So what about tonight?" I glanced at the couch. "You’re, um, do you need a place to crash?" Our eyes met and my blood froze. Don’t look at me like that, Craig. He swallowed hard, his eyes locked on mine. There’s someone else you’re supposed to be looking at like that. I couldn’t move. "Jon…" Don’t. Just, don’t. He touched my face and I closed my eyes as I exhaled, the warmth of his hand turning my knees to water. This is wrong. This is wrong, Craig. Don’t— He kissed me. Maybe it was an old habit that had yet to die, maybe it was simply disbelief, but I didn’t pull away. I didn’t move. I didn’t breathe. When the tip of his tongue gently parted my lips, alcohol and reality sent me backwards, and I nearly 106

stumbled over my own feet. I stared at him. "Craig, what—" I paused, shaking my head. "What the fuck?" He started to speak, but I cut him off. "I offered you a place to crash. As in, my damned couch." "Jon, come on." He gave me that grin that would have melted my defenses in the past had he not also been redeyed and drunk. "It’s just one night, for old time’s sake." I tightened my jaw, fury twisting in my gut as I remembered reassuring Rebecca that Craig wasn’t unfaithful. "Do you have your cell phone with you?" He gave me a confused look, then dug around in his pockets. "Yep, right here." "Good. You can use it to call a cab. Good night, Craig." I gently but firmly nudged him towards the door. "Jon, are you—" "Good night, Craig," I said through my teeth. I shut the door behind him and exhaled, cursing under my breath. Anger tightened in my chest as a sick, worried feeling knotted itself in my stomach. I sat on the couch and tried to comprehend everything that had just happened. He hadn’t come out and admitted it, but he’d as good as told me he’d been cheating on Rebecca. With men. No one went to Wilde’s just to hang out. If he’d been going to that club behind her back, it wasn’t just to have a few beers. And, drunk or not, he’d come on to me tonight. Thankfully, he hadn’t caught me in a weak moment. With my guard down. Without another man already on my mind. I shuddered at the thought of this night happening just a few weeks ago. My conscience would never let me hear the end of it if I’d slept with Craig while he was with Rebecca. Contrary to what she might have thought, that was something I simply couldn’t do. Or rather, something I couldn’t live with. I wouldn’t be able to look at myself the next morning. I wouldn’t be able to look her in the eye. But could I do it? I wanted to tell myself that I would have turned him away if he’d come onto me then, but there were times I 107

would have sold my soul for another night with him. I cringed at the realization that if Craig had asked me in a weak moment, I might have taken him up on it. And the fact was, the six months between losing Craig and meeting Liam were one long moment of weakness. I shuddered again. Turns out you were right to worry about me, Rebecca. I looked up at Craig’s painting above the television and decided it had been there long enough.

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Nineteen The following evening, Liam and I went to dinner, then to the mall to look for something to replace Craig’s painting. We wandered into the frame shop, browsing through prints of every possible size and subject matter. "So where is this going to go, anyway?" Liam asked, flipping through a display of classic cars. "Above the TV," I said. He looked up, brow furrowed. "I thought you already had a painting up there." "I do," I said. "And it’s going away." "Can’t say I blame you." He met my eyes and smirked. "What’s that supposed to mean?" I gave him a goodnatured glare. "Nothing, nothing at all." He batted his eyes and put his hands up defensively. I laughed. "It’s okay, you can say it. That thing is ugly as sin." "Okay, it’s ugly as sin." I rolled my eyes. "Hey, I found one that would look good in your place." He craned his neck from across the display. "Really?" "Yeah, here, let me—" I reached into the display, acting like I was pulling a print out, but instead brought up my hand, middle finger extended. "I think that would look perfect on your wall." He laughed. "Don’t tempt me." "To put it on your wall or take it as a suggestion?" Grinning, he continued flipping through prints. "Okay, 109

so what exactly are you looking for? Painting? Photo?" "Something completely and totally different from that monstrosity that’s already on my wall." "Oh, yeah, that narrows it down." He looked up. "Where the hell did you get that thing, anyway?" "Ex-boyfriend painted it." "With what? His feet?" I snorted with laughter. "Come on, it’s not that bad." "Yes, it is." "Okay, fine. It is that bad. But it’s going away, so leave me alone about it." "I’m going to give you hell until it’s off your wall," he said. "So just accept it." "Asshole," I muttered, trying not to snicker. "I think you should go for something ironic," he said. "Like a woman in a bikini." "Or a naked woman." He gave me a devilish grin. "Maybe kissing another woman?" I scoffed. "Honestly, Liam, do you think I would put something on my wall that condones same-sex relations?" He beamed. "You could just put a mirror up there and we can make all kinds of pictures of same-sex relations." Then he paused. "Oh, that reminds me, there’s a book coming out today that I’ve been waiting for. Mind if we swing into the bookstore on the way out?" "Not at all. What book?" "Dark-Adapted Eyes," he said, still thumbing through prints. "I’ve read a lot of the author’s work, but this is an erotic urban fantasy." "Erotic urban fantasy? Nice." "Bisexual, too." "Oh really?" "Really. And it’s been getting great reviews," he said. "Not usually into fantasy, but her erotic stuff is phenomenal. And, hey, if it’s got bi men in it…" He grinned. "I may have to borrow it, then," I said. He laughed. "Trust me, if it’s anything like the last book, you’ll be prying it from my cold dead fingers." My cell phone rang. As I dug it out of my pocket, I said, "Fine, you can read it to me, then." When I looked at 110

the caller ID, I groaned. "Oh God, I don’t need this." "Ex?" I nodded and answered. "Hey, what’s up?" "I, um…" Craig cleared his throat. "We need to talk." I cradled my cell phone on my shoulder and continued looking through the various prints. "Did you sort everything with Rebecca?" "Yeah, yeah, everything’s fine with her." He cleared his throat again. "Look, about last night…" He sighed. "I’m sorry, Jon, I really am. I was—" "You were drunk, I know." Liam glanced at me, eyebrows up. I rolled my eyes and he laughed. Craig took a breath. "I’m serious, Jon, it was just the alcohol talking." "Oh, color me flattered." I held up a print of the Seattle skyline for Liam’s opinion. He wrinkled his nose and shook his head. "You know what I mean," Craig said. "I also know what happened last night," I snapped, shoving the print back onto the rack. He sighed. "Honestly, it wasn’t…" He was silent for a moment. "I just wanted to apologize. I wasn’t myself last night, I—" "Craig, I know." "Really, I’m sorry, I should never have come onto you like that. I was a mess last night and I just, I wasn’t thinking." Chewing the inside of my cheek, I stopped thumbing through prints. I could accept that the kiss was a result of the alcohol. Even when I was still pining for him, I would have understood—however disappointed I might have been— that it was the liquor, not Craig. And as much as his behavior the night before aggravated me, it wasn’t like I’d never seen him drunk. Craig was about as intelligent in the presence of alcohol as I was rational in the presence of Craig. Before last night, anyway. He was still stupid when he was drunk, but my days of being an idiot around him were over. I held up another print—this time of Mount Rainier—and Liam gave it a 'maybe' 111

gesture. The advance Craig had made was totally out of line, but it was what he’d said, not what he’d done, that really bothered me. I wanted to ask him about his comments about Wilde’s, but decided not to go there. "You there?" he said. "Yeah, sorry." I cleared my throat. "Look, it’s cool, I understand. Just…" "It won’t happen again. I promise." I wonder if you’ll be saying that to Rebecca any time soon. "Okay." He hesitated. "Are you sure?" "Yeah, we’re cool," I said, looking up at an abstract painting that Liam held up. I shook my head and he put it back. To Craig, I said, "Don’t worry about it." He hesitated. "Okay, then. And, um, before I let you go, you got my e-mail about the tux fitting, right?" "Still on for next Wednesday, right?" "Yeah, at six. Is that enough time for you to get there from work?" "Yes, I told you, it’s fine. I’ll see you then." "Okay. Are you sure we’re—" "Craig, don’t worry about it. I have to go." After we hung up, I snapped my phone shut and shoved it into my pocket. Liam eyed me. "What was that all about?" I shook my head. "Ex-boyfriend and alcohol don’t mix." "I know how that goes," he muttered, shivering. "So what happened? Did he drunk dial you or something?" I laughed. "No, got in a fight with the missus and came over to get away from her for a bit. After he drank himself stupid." He laughed. "Are you serious?" "Yep," I said. "Christ, he’s an idiot sometimes." Wonder what that says about me. "Hey, what do you think of this?" Liam held up a striking photo of a bald eagle scooping a salmon out of the water. "Hmm." I came around the display to have a closer look. "Oh, I like that. And I’ve been meaning to get a Jason 112

Connor edition." "Can’t blame you there." "You know his work?" "Absolutely." Liam grinned. "And I’ve met the guy. Hot as hell." He gave a melodramatic sigh. "Pity he’s straight." I elbowed him playfully. "Only you would pick out a photo because you’d fuck the photographer." "Why else would I pick it out?" "Besides the fact that it’s absolutely perfect for that blank spot above my TV? Probably because you’re a dirty bastard." "Come on, now, I’ve told you—" "I know, I know, you’re their king." He snickered, the nodded towards the print. "So that’s a winner?" "Definitely. Let’s go." ~*~ I put the print in the trunk and shut the lid. "On to the bookstore?" Liam glanced past me, eyes darting back and forth. "Actually, it can wait." His earlier good humor was suddenly absent. "Why don’t we just head in?" I looked at him, puzzled. "I thought you—" He gestured dismissively, eyes darting over my shoulder again. "It can wait. Seriously." Then he smiled, though the grooves between his eyebrows remained. "I’d rather," he paused, clearing his throat. "I’d rather just go home." Glancing over my shoulder, I turned back to him. "You sure?" He nodded. "I’ll pick it up at one of the bookstores on Broadway tomorrow. Don’t worry about it." The smile seemed less forced now, but not by much. In the car, he was still tense, staring out the window and chewing his thumbnail, but once we pulled out of the parking garage, he slowly relaxed. "You okay?" I asked. "Yeah, I’m fine." He smiled. "Just, you know, ready to get home." I glanced at him and the devilish sparkle had returned to his eyes. "Eager to help me hang up this picture?" I asked. 113

"Oh, absolutely. Putting up pictures gets me so hot." He laughed and the sound reassured me. Maybe I really had imagined his apprehension. But in spite of the relaxed, good-humored Liam sitting beside me now, I couldn’t shake the feeling that I hadn’t imagined it.

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Twenty Pulling into the parking lot at Liam’s apartment on Sunday, I had a hell of a time finding a parking space. Almost every visitor spot was taken, as were the reserved and short-term spaces. Either someone was throwing a party or Liam had everyone and their mother helping him move. I didn’t see a moving truck anywhere, though a couple of pickup trucks occupied the visitor spaces, so maybe he was using those instead. It wasn’t like he had a lot of stuff anyway, so that was probably all that was needed. On my way up the stairs, the sound of my footsteps was lost in the clanging of someone else stomping down from a higher floor. A moment later, he brushed past me, hands in his pockets and his face twisted into a scowl. I paused, glancing over my shoulder. His face—scowl and all— and unruly blond hair sparked some vague recognition in the back of my mind, but I couldn’t place it. I shrugged and continued up the stairs. Capitol Hill wasn’t a huge neighborhood. After a while, even the strangers looked familiar. When I knocked on Liam’s door, I recognized the burly bald guy that answered as one of the bouncers from Wilde’s. "You’re Jon, aren’t you?" he said. I nodded and he gestured for me to come in. He extended his hand. "I’m Jack." After I shook his hand, I glanced around the room. It seemed like there were a few more people than were necessary to move from one two-bedroom apartment to another, but anything to get the job done faster was fine by me. 115

The one person I didn’t see was Liam. "Where’s Liam?" I asked. "Bedroom." Jack gestured down the hall. Then he chuckled. "I’m sure you know where that is." My cheeks burned and I laughed. "I’ll find it, thanks." I walked into the bedroom and found Liam having a hushed, tense conversation with…himself? They were mirror images of each other. One leaned against the dresser, the other paced with his arms folded across his chest. As soon as I walked in, their conversation halted and they both looked at me with identical pale green eyes. I blinked, looking back and forth between the two men. Instant recognition flickered across the face of the one who’d been pacing. He smiled. "Hey Jon." He gestured towards his doppelganger. "This is my brother, Scott." "Glad you didn’t make me guess who was who," I said, shaking Scott’s hand. "Don’t put it past him," Scott said, chuckling. "He’s tried to convince my wife that he was me before." "Oh come on, that was your idea." To me, Liam said, "This fucker thought it would be funny to switch places at his wedding rehearsal and see how long it took her to figure it out." "I hope she figured it out before the wedding night," I said. They both laughed. Scott’s voice dropped to a conspiratorial whisper. "I’ve tried to get him to stand in for me for the marriage, too, but he won’t do it." Smirking, Liam shrugged. "Sorry, bro, she’s not my type." "There’s no accounting for taste, what can I say?" Scott said. Then he looked at me. "No offense." "None taken." Down the hall, a door opened and a new voice joined the steady murmur of people in the living room. "Sounds like Casey’s here with the U-Haul." Liam nudged a box with his elbow. "Time to start getting all this crap downstairs." Scott shifted his weight, his expression turning 116

serious. "What about—" A pointed look from Liam silenced him. Scott pursed his lips, then walked out of the bedroom. As soon as we were alone, Liam gave me a quick kiss. "Thanks for coming. I can use all the help I can get." "Looks like you’ve recruited a small army for it." "Damn right," he said. "Cashing in favors from every last one of them." He winked. "Except you. I just wanted an excuse to have you tired and sweaty at my new place." I smiled. "Like you needed an excuse for that." He kissed me again and we headed out to join everyone else. "Did you and your brother really switch places at his rehearsal?" I said on the way down the hall. Over his shoulder, he grinned. "Fuck yes. What fun is having an identical twin if you can’t screw with people?" "Pity he’s straight," I muttered. "Two Sables at once? Damn." Liam glared at me. "Dirty bastard." I grinned. "Looks like the king has been dethroned." "Oh, no," he said, shaking his head and smirking. "He hasn’t." In the living room, he stopped and said, "Okay, I guess I should introduce you around." He gestured towards a pretty brunette. "This is Amy, my sister-in-law. She had the misfortune of marrying Scott." "Hey! Watch it!" Scott said. Amy elbowed him. "Yeah, and I damn near ended up marrying him because of you." She shook her head. "Pranksters." "Anyway," Liam said. He nodded towards Jack and another burly bald guy that I also recognized as a bouncer. "That’s Jack and that’s Casey." He guided my attention to a kid who must have been nineteen or twenty and, like Scott, bore a striking resemblance to Liam. "This is Derek, my nephew." Then he gestured at me and said to everyone else, "All, this is Jon. He doesn’t know just how much of a jackass I am yet, so kindly don’t fill him in." "That’s going to cost you extra," Casey laughed. "You didn’t say anything about hush money." Liam flipped him the bird and we all got to work. With that many people, it didn’t take long to clear out his 117

apartment. Throughout the morning, as we carried boxes and furniture down to the waiting U-Haul truck, I couldn’t help but notice the way Liam’s demeanor changed rapidly. Inside the apartment, he was calm and relaxed. As calm and relaxed as anyone is on moving day, anyway. But whenever he went outside, he tensed. His eyes darted around the parking lot and what little he said to anyone was short and terse. When he went back inside, he was back to his normal self. It unnerved me because it didn’t seem like the usual stress and aggravation of someone in the middle of moving. In fact, his demeanor was eerily similar to the apprehension when he’d hastily changed his mind about going to the bookstore last night. When the apartment was empty, I rode with Liam in the U-Haul while everyone else followed in various vehicles, finally granting us a few minutes alone. "Are you okay today?" I asked. "Of course I am." He glanced at me as he turned the truck onto Broadway. "Why?" "I don’t know. You’ve just seemed…" I hesitated, glancing at him. "Tense." "Moving will do that to you." "Yeah," I said. "But you seemed almost paranoid." He inhaled and shifted in his seat. Then he let out a long breath and nodded slowly. "Yeah, I am. Was. A little." I swallowed. "About?" "My ex," he said quietly. A chill ran down my spine. "Did you think he was going to come by? Cause problems?" He shrugged. "It was a possibility. He knows I’m moving, and I didn’t want him to come make a scene." He paused. "Or follow us." "Why would he follow us?" "To find out where I live now." He swallowed. "It’s bad enough the fucker knows where I work, I’d just as soon he didn’t now where I’m living, too." "Sounds like a real piece of work," I said. "He leaves you and now won’t leave you alone?" He laughed softly. "Apparently he still thinks we 118

should be…" He paused, clearing his throat. "Friends, or something. So maybe he’ll get the message now." I said nothing for a moment, unsure if I should pursue the topic any further. "What’s on your mind?" he asked, glancing at me. "Ooh, I get a free psychic reading for helping you move, too?" I laughed. "You can pay for the reading later tonight," he said with a grin. "Okay, seriously, what’s on your mind?" I chewed my lip. "Last night, when we bought the print for my living room…" We exchanged glances and he sighed. "In the parking garage?" I nodded. He ran a hand through his hair. "Yeah, he was there. I saw him, so I wanted to get out of there before he saw me." Goose bumps prickled my skin. "Would he have said anything if he’d seen us?" He shrugged, but it didn’t quite mask the shudder that ran through him. "Probably not, but I can never tell with him. I just…" He wetted his lips, his eyes fixed on the road ahead of us. "I just didn’t want to deal with him if I could help it." Before I could think of a response, he changed the subject. "I have to go back later tonight to turn in my keys. Your car is still there, right?" "Yep." "So I guess you’re stuck with me until we go back." He glanced at me and laughed. "Oh what a terrible, terrible thing," I said. "Hmm." He put his hand on my leg. "Well as long as you’re stuck with me, maybe dropping my keys off can wait a little while." ~*~ Liam’s new apartment was on the second floor and— much to everyone’s delight—had a freight elevator. Emptying the U-Haul took less time than filling it, and before I knew it, we were done. Derek, Casey, and I managed to snag spots on the couch while Amy and Scott took the recliners. Jack sat on the floor. A moment later, Liam came in from the kitchen with a six-pack. "Pizza’s on its way," he said. "I really appreciate 119

everyone’s help." "Yeah, yeah, yeah, save the acceptance speech for the Academy," Casey said. "Gimme a beer." "Typical bouncer," Liam snorted. "No manners." "Watch it, Sable," Jack said as he took a beer. Liam handed me a beer, then took the last one for himself. He looked at his nephew and gestured for him to stand up. "Move it, kid." Derek smirked. "There’s plenty of room on the floor." "You’re right, there is," Liam said. "So you’ll have no trouble finding a place to sit. Move." "Where’s mine?" Derek gestured at Liam’s beer. "Staying nice and cold until your twenty-first birthday," Liam said. "Which you might live to see if you move before I have you moved." "He’s got bouncers for friends, you might want to listen to him," Amy said, chuckling. "Move it, Derek," Scott growled. Derek grumbled something under his breath and stood. Liam dropped onto the couch beside me and put an arm around my shoulders as his nephew found a place on the floor. We all fell into lively conversation, which lasted well past the arrival and consumption of the pizzas Liam had ordered. Before I knew it, it was well past nine, and we still lingered in the box-cluttered living room. Eventually, Liam drained his beer, sat up, and looked around the room. "Well, since you’re all still here, I guess now we get to start unpacking." "What’s this ‘we’ shit?" Scott said. "I just agreed to get it in here. The rest is all yours." "Yeah," Casey said, pulling up his sleeve to check his watch. "And look at the time. I’d better get going." "Lazy asses," Liam laughed as everyone made their excuses and started towards the door. Goodbyes were said and within minutes, they were gone. Liam closed the door behind them and leaned against it for a second, looking up and mouthing 'thank God'. I laughed. "Now that you’re done working them into the ground, you’re ready for them all to be gone?" "Hardly." He pushed himself off the door and put his 120

hands on my hips. Kissing my neck, he said, "But I’ve been waiting all damned day to get you alone." "Don’t want to wait to christen your new bedroom?" "Why stop at the bedroom?" he murmured, sliding his hands under my shirt. "There aren’t very many rooms in this place…" He lifted my shirt over my head. "But I fully intend to christen every last one of them with you." I closed my eyes as his lips again descended onto my neck. "I’ll christen every room in this damned building with you if you keep touching me like that."

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Twenty One The following night, Liam and I kicked back on his couch in the partly-unpacked living room after an evening of emptying and collapsing boxes, all the while talking about life and jobs. "So how long have you been bartending, anyway?" I asked as we lounged on the couch. "Fifteen years," he said. "Waited tables until the law would let me behind the bar, and never left." "Really? You like it that much?" "Good money, fun job." He shrugged. "What’s not to love?" "Explains how you’ve gotten so good at it," I said with a wink. He gestured dismissively. "Doesn’t take much to be good at it. Just throwing drinks together and trying to remember not to hit stupid people with bottles." He sipped his drink. "Hell, once you learn to pour a shot, it’s easy." "How hard can that be? Shot glass, pour, done." He laughed. "I mean pouring a shot without the shot glass. Takes some practice, but it’s not hard." "So it’s not exact, then?" "Not exact?" He scoffed, putting his hand to his chest and feigning offense. "If I pour a shot, I guarantee you it is precisely one ounce." Then he grinned and stood. "Come on, I’ll show you how to do it." I followed him into the kitchen. He pulled a shot glass and a rocks glass out of a cabinet, then reached under the counter and retrieved a fifth of Jack Daniels. Rifling around in 122

a drawer, he found a clear plastic pour spout, the longnecked kind that all the bottles had at Wilde’s. "Ah, there’s the trick, then." I folded my arms and rested my hip against the counter. "This thing?" He eyed me as he unscrewed the bottlecap and replaced it with the pour spout. "Pfft. All it does is make sure they all pour at the same speed. You still have to know when to stop. Now watch and learn." In one smooth, practiced motion, he turned the bottle, poured some of the amber liquid into the rocks glass, and set it back on the counter. He held up the glass. "So, how much do you want to bet that’s exactly one ounce?" I laughed. "I’m not betting against a pro. Now prove it." Smirking, he poured its contents into the shot glass, and I’ll be damned if it didn’t stop precisely flush with the rim. "Impressive," I said, grinning. "Just takes practice," he said. "Want to try it?" I shrugged. "Why not?" He slid the bottle towards me. "Sure you don’t want me practicing with something a bit cheaper? You know, like, water? Or maybe that swill you call coffee?" His eyes twinkled mischievously. "Where’s the fun in that?" He threw the shot back, then grimaced and shook his head. "Ugh, how can you drink that shit?" "What’s wrong with Jack Daniels?" He grimaced again. "Fucking hell. I need something else to get rid of that taste." I snickered. "I can help you with that." "A drink, you dirty bastard." He rolled his eyes, then reached into the cabinet and pushed a few bottles around, furrowing his brow as he searched. "I thought bartenders weren’t supposed to drink on the job." "Not on the job, no," he said. "But unless you’re paying me, I’m not at work, which means I’ll drink as much as I damn well please, especially—ah ha!" He pulled out a bottle of Bacardi. "That’s the stuff." 123

"Oh God, and you turn your nose up at Jack?" "Damn right I do," he said. "There isn’t enough Coke in the world to drown out that taste." Nodding towards the rocks glass as he rifled around in the drawer for another pour spout, he said, "Go ahead. Give it a try." I started to pick up the bottle, but he said, "It’s easier if you hold it this way." He lifted the Bacardi, turning it in his hand so I could see how he held it. "Don’t choke the bottle." I laughed. "So now I’m choking it?" "You’re strangling it, you murderer." He nodded towards the bottle in his hand. "Try it like this." I tried to imitate the way he held it, but it was awkward at first. "Here, let me show you." He set the Bacardi down and stood behind me, putting his hand over mine. "Put your palm against the neck, lay your index finger along the spout, and just let the rest of your fingers fall naturally into place." He guided my hand. "Then you turn it over, count off a couple of seconds in your head while it pours, and then twist it to let the spout cut off the flow before you right it." "How the hell is something like pouring a drink so damned complicated?" I asked, chuckling. He kissed the side of my neck. "That’s why they leave these things to professionals." "Like you?" "Exactly. Now give it a try." His hand left mine, but his other came to rest on my hip. Under his amused watch, I turned the bottle over and poured some of the whiskey into the rocks glass, counting two seconds in my head just like he directed. Trying to imitate what he had done earlier, I twisted the bottle to stop the flow, but still managed to get some on the counter. "Hey now, that’s alcohol abuse," he laughed. "But, hell, if it’s that crap, spill all you want." "There’s no accounting for taste, is there?" "Well, look at your taste in men." We both chuckled, then I shrugged. "I said I was a coffee snob. Never claimed to have good taste in men or liquor." "I can’t say much for my taste in coffee," he said, pulling another glass out of the cabinet and pouring himself 124

some Bacardi. "But I like to think I have good taste in liquor." "What about men?" He grinned just before taking a drink. "Questionable at best." He swallowed the rum and looked heavenward, his expression one of blissful satisfaction. "Oh my God, that’s good." I laughed and poured the contents of the rocks glass into the shot glass. "Hey, that’s not bad," I said as it stopped just shy of the rim. He snorted. "Beginner’s luck." "Whatever. Some of us are just naturally talented, so fuck off." "You’re definitely naturally talented." He put an arm around my waist and kissed the side of my neck. "But I wasn’t talking about that." "Dirty bastard." "I told you before," he murmured, letting his stubble brush the base of my neck. "The world is full of dirty bastards, and I am their king." He pushed the shot glass towards me. "Now drink it and try again." I lifted the glass. "Are you trying to get me drunk?" "Are you a lush?" I snorted. "A lush? Please." Then I threw the shot back, grimacing as it burned its way down. "Fuck, that’s good." He laughed and poured himself a shot of rum. "Now come on, pour another one." He pounded the shot and slammed the glass down. "Let’s see you do it right this time." "Do it right?" I said. "I thought I did pretty damned good the first time around." "Yeah, but let’s see you do it after you have a few drinks in you." "Hey now, my motor skills are lacking enough when I’m sober," I said. His hand snaked around my waist and he kissed just below my ear. "I don’t know, I haven’t noticed anything lacking." "Just wait 'til you see me drunk." I turned around to kiss him. 125

"I look forward to it," he laughed. I picked up the bottle of Jack Daniels. My second attempt wasn’t quite as successful; by the time I’d filled the shot glass with what I’d poured into the rocks glass, almost half a shot remained. "See?" he said. "Beginner’s luck." "Quit gloating." I threw back the contents of the rocks glass, then the shot glass. "Just means I ended up with more out of the bottle than in." "Just means you don’t have the finesse to pour it perfectly accurately every time," he said. "You’ve had a decade and a half of practice. That was only my second try." "And you’ll keep trying until you get it right," he said. I raised an eyebrow. "You planning to match me shot for shot until I get it right?" "Nope. I’m going to match you shot for shot until you can’t pour it at all." "And then what?" He gestured down the hall. "Take you to bed and fuck the hell out of you." I laughed, almost dropping the bottle of Jack Daniels. "Then you might as well take me there now," I said. "Because by the time I can’t see straight, you’ll be passed out." "You’re talking shit about drinking with a bartender, Jon," he said. "You try to drink me under the table, I’ll still be sober enough to drive you to the hospital when the alcohol poisoning kicks in." "We’ll see about that." I poured another shot, this time straight into the shot glass. "Or maybe," he said, pouring his own drink into the rocks glass. "I’ll just do a few more shots, then take you to bed and fuck the hell out of you." I lifted my glass. "I’ll drink to that." Giving me a mouthwatering grin and a devilish wink, he clinked his glass against mine. "Cheers."

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Twenty Two "So was this just some ploy to get me into bed?" I asked as we stumbled over each other’s feet on the way into his bedroom. "Did it work?" His words were a little slurred. I couldn’t tell if it was alcohol or arousal that caused it, nor could I tell which made my head spin, but when he pressed his hips against mine, I was willing to bet the alcohol had little to do with it. He was rock hard and so was I, and the slightest brush of his cock against mine took my breath away. "You could have just said ‘come to bed and fuck me.’" "In that case," he said, grasping the front of my shirt and pulling me towards the bed. "Come to bed and fuck me." We tumbled into bed together, kissing passionately. "See how easy that was?" I laughed as he rolled me onto my back. Running his fingers through my hair, he said, "So you know how to pour a shot—" He sat up and pulled his shirt off. "You’re mildly drunk." He kissed me and reached for my belt. "And now I get to have my way with you. Seems like a win-win situation." I unbuckled his belt. "The lesson was fun, I’ll give you that." "See?" He leaned down to kiss me. "Hang around with me long enough, and you might learn something." "So you don’t mind teaching an amateur like me some of your secrets?" He kissed his way down to my neck. "As if you didn’t already know some of my secrets." "Yeah, but not your trade secrets." 127

Kissing just beneath my ear, he slurred, "You won’t tell anyone, will you?" Playing with his nipple ring, I said, "Tell anyone what?" "Good man," he laughed. "Your secrets are safe with me," I said. "Not sure I can say the same about my clothing or furniture." "All replaceable." "And all well worth damaging if it means fucking you in the process," he said in a hoarse whisper. He nuzzled my neck, the delicious coarseness of his stubble awakening every nerve the Jack Daniels had numbed. Black coffee and a cold shower couldn’t have sobered me up faster than Liam’s touch. He kissed me as he unbuttoned my shirt. Then his hand drifted down my bare chest and abs. I pulled him closer as he unzipped my jeans and I shivered when he wrapped his fingers around my cock. He stroked me slowly, squeezing on the upstroke, releasing slightly on the downstroke, and all the while, he whispered against the side of my neck, "You drive me out of my mind, Jon. I’ve never been as turned on as I am every time I’m in bed with you. Just like this." I closed my eyes and moaned, equally aroused by what he said as what he did. In a low, growl, he said, "I go fucking insane when you’re not here, but when you are, I can’t even think straight—" He paused, taking a sharp breath. "Because there are so many things I want to do to you." His hand moved a little faster, making me gasp. My entire body trembled as if his lips and fingers released lightning bolts under my skin. "Oh my God, Liam…" "And when I do get you into bed," he continued, pausing to run his tongue along my earlobe. "It’s all I can do to decide what I want to do to you. Fucking hell, you make me crazy, Jon…" I sucked in a breath, willing myself not to come. I was too turned on to last much longer, but way too horny for this to be over yet. He kissed me deeply, then whispered, "You’re as turned on as I am, aren’t you?" 128

Moaning softly, I tried to speak, but I couldn’t even breathe. His touch made speech impossible, but when my cock twitched in his hand and he released a ragged breath against my skin, there was no need for words. Liam wasn’t finished, though. "Jesus, there’s so much I want to do to you, Jon." He kissed his way down to my neck, stroking my cock faster, squeezing harder. "I want to suck your cock, but then I can’t be inside you." He flicked his tongue just above my collarbone. "I want to fuck you, but then I can’t taste you." He kissed the underside of my jaw and moved his hand faster still, the overwhelming sensations making my eyes water. Whispering in my ear, he said, "And I want to make you come, but I don’t want it to be over yet." Choking on my own voice, I managed, "You’re going to make me come." "I know." He made no effort to bring me back from the brink. "I know, and I’m not going to stop until you do." I gasped, my back arching off the bed as my balls tightened and my vision blurred, but still I was a breath away from an orgasm. I was on the edge, my body screaming for release, but something just beyond my own awareness kept me from letting go just yet. "I don’t want it to be over," Liam said, his voice strained and unsteady as if he was on that edge with me. "But nothing turns me on more—nothing in the world, Jon— than watching your face when I make you come." And in that instant, as if I’d been waiting for those precise words, I came. "Oh my fucking God that’s incredible…" It took a moment to realize the words weren’t mine, but Liam’s, his voice the only thing anchoring me in reality as oblivion took over. His hand slowed, then finally stopped, and in its turn, so too did my orgasm. I took a deep breath, wondering how long it had been since I’d done so. "Holy hell, that was intense," I whispered. "It was fucking hot." He kissed me gently. "God, I love watching you come." "Do feel free," I said. "Any time you want." "Careful what you wish for, Beatty," he murmured. He dried his hand on a tissue from the bedside table 129

and offered one to me. "I swear to God," he said in a hoarse whisper. "That almost made me come." Still trying to catch my breath, I said, "Trust me, we’re about to get to that part." He grinned. "Then maybe I should get these clothes out of your way." "Me too." As soon as all of our clothes were out of the way, we were back in each other’s arms, kissing passionately. I nudged his shoulder with mine, encouraging him to lie back. As he did, I kissed his neck and shoulder. When I flicked my tongue on that sweet spot above his collarbone, the shiver and goose bumps told me it was as sensitive on him as it was on me. Kissing my way down his chest, I paused to run my tongue around his nipple. I picked up the gold hoop with the tip of my tongue, playing with it as my teeth gently held his nipple. "Oh fuck," he moaned, running his fingers through my hair. "You know exactly how I like that." Replacing my mouth with my fingers, I moved to his other nipple, again pulling the hoop between my lips and gently holding his nipple with my teeth. Then I continued downward, trailing gentle kisses along his abs. His skin quivered beneath my lips as I kissed around—but didn’t touch—his cock. The bedsheets moved beneath my arm and I glanced up to see them bunching in his hands. His spine lifted off the bed and every soft kiss jolted him from head to toe. Resting my weight on one arm, I closed my fingers around his cock and stroked him slowly, just the way he’d done to me: Squeezing on the upstroke, releasing on the downstroke. I did this a few times, then, on a downstroke, my mouth joined, following my hand almost to the base before coming back up. "Holy shit!" He gasped, sitting up suddenly. He fell back on his elbows, staring down at me. I watched his face as I ran my tongue around the head of his cock, a shiver of arousal rippling up my spine as his lips parted in a soundless groan. Staring at me with an expression that could only have 130

been disbelief, he ran his fingers through my hair, as if he needed to touch me to know this was really happening. I’d always loved giving head, but no one had ever looked at me like that, not even in the throes of an intense orgasm. If anything turned me on more than what Liam did to me, it was knowing that I could do this to him. With a deep groan, he let himself sink back to the bed. "Oh God, Jon," he moaned, his voice edging towards a whimper, even a sob. I ran my tongue up the shaft of his cock. "Tell me what you want." He took a breath and just as he started to speak, I deep-throated him, reducing his speech to a gasp. I rose off him slowly, waited until he was about to speak, and did it again. He grasped my hair, holding it with trembling fingers that did little to hinder my movements; it was as if his mind wanted me to stop, but his body was having none of it. A breath became a gasp, an attempt to speak became a moan. His cock twitched in my mouth as his fingers twitched in my hair. With what must have been a tremendous effort, he finally whispered, "Jon, let me fuck you. Please." I raised my head. "You know I won’t say no to that." I moved up to kiss him. He pulled me down to him, digging his fingers into my back and kissing me with passionate desperation. "Fuck, I want you so bad," he breathed between kisses. I reached for the nightstand and grabbed a condom. He sat up and quickly put it on in spite of his trembling, uncooperative hands. As soon as it was on and he’d put enough lube on it, he kissed me, his hand on my shoulder telling me to let him move so he could get behind me. Instead, I shifted my body weight and guided him onto his back. As his head fell onto the pillow, he looked up at me, lips parted with a ragged breath. "Jon…" He closed his eyes, licking his lips. "Oh my God, I can’t even tell you how turned on I am." I smiled and kissed him, then sat up. Slowly, never taking my eyes off of him, I lowered myself onto his cock. 131

"Oh fuck," he groaned, screwing his eyes shut as I slowly took him inside me. He held my hips, lifting his to push himself just a little deeper. I ran my hands up his sides, stopping on his ribs and letting my thumbs play with his nipple rings. "Oh God…" His eyes rolled back and his body writhed beneath me. It was tempting to lean down and whisper filthy fantasies in his ear, to let my voice and body bring him to an orgasm just as he had done to me, but I couldn’t. The sight of him below me—face flush with arousal, ribs rising and falling unsteadily in my hands, muscles trembling at my touch—was simply too much to pass up. I moved faster and he put his hands on my hips, meeting me stroke for stroke, thrusting up as I came down. "Oh fuck," he moaned. "Oh God, I’m gonna come, I’m—" He gasped, his back arching and his eyes flying open. Pulling me down onto him, he cried out, then roared, cursing and calling my name as his cock pulsed inside me. For a long moment, he was still. Eyes closed, lips parted, chest rising and falling with rapid, uneven breaths. His hands still held my hips, keeping me from moving even if I wanted to. Finally, his entire body relaxed and he exhaled. I rose off of him and he sat up to take care of the condom. As soon as it was gone, he put his arms around me and we both collapsed onto the bed on our sides. Trailing his fingertips up and down my arm, he said, "Maybe tomorrow, I’ll teach you how to make a mixed drink." I laughed. "So I’ll drink them and you can take me to bed?" My head started getting light as the alcohol from earlier caught up with me. "Exactly," he said, grinning into a kiss. "You don’t have to waste money on alcohol to get me into bed," I said, my voice slurred as lethargy took over. "Just talk to me like you did earlier, and I’m your slave." He pulled me a little closer, his tongue lazily intertwining with mine. "Hmm, I think I like the sound of that." Before long, the conversation faded into silent, gentle kisses. Soon, even those slowed to a halt, and we both 132

drifted off to sleep.

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Twenty Three I opened my eyes a split second before the throbbing in my temples warned me not to, and the onslaught of sunlight crashed into the back of my skull. Groaning, I covered my eyes with my hand and waited for darkness to soothe the pain. Fingers ran up my arm and paused on my shoulder. "Bit of a hangover?" Liam asked, his voice so low I could barely hear it. "Just a little." "Tell me about it." He shifted beside me, squeezing my shoulder gently before releasing it. "Coffee?" "Please." The mattress moved as he got up. "Even if it’s that grocery store swill you can’t stand?" "I’d drink instant at this point." He laughed softly. "Isn’t that a form of blasphemy?" "Probably." I sensed him moving around the room. The muffled scritch of blinds turning was like nails on a chalkboard, but when I opened my eyes, the room was darker. Still painfully bright, but tolerably so. I sat up slowly. Liam pulled on a pair of boxers and headed for the door. "I’ll be right back." A few minutes later, he returned with coffee. He handed one to me and sat cross-legged on the bed. "I haven’t been hungover in ages," I said. "I forgot how much it sucks." I took a sip, grimacing at the bitter, watered-down coffee. Liam was right, I was a coffee snob. 134

"I don’t usually get hungover," he said, rubbing his temple gingerly. "But I usually don’t drink that much that fast, either." I laughed. "Didn’t seem like you were all that drunk to me." He grinned. "Trust me, I’d have to drink most of that damned bottle before I had any problems in that department." "You mean, even if I get you drunk, you’ll still be an insatiable horny bastard?" "Absolutely." He raised his coffee cup in a mock toast. I rolled my eyes and sighed melodramatically. "Liam Sable, what ever am I going to do with you?" He shrugged. "Get me drunk and fuck me?" I paused, pretending to give it a great deal of thought. "Okay, I can live with that." I sipped my coffee again, then grimaced. "But before we do this again, would you get some proper coffee? How can you drink this shit?" He laughed. "This coming from the man who drinks Jack Daniels straight up?" "Tastes better than this crap," I said. "Yeah, and as soon as you finish that, you’ll be asking for another cup, so it can’t be that bad." "Only because I’m hungover." He laughed. "Most people have beer goggles for other people, not coffee." "Desperate times," I said with a flippant shrug. "Desperate measures." "Amen to that." He took a sip, then said, "Sometimes the headache is well worth it, though." "I’ll drink to that." As I thought about the night before, it occurred to me that I’d never been with someone who was actually fun when he was drinking. Craig was an absolute idiot when he was drunk. Two or three beers and he couldn’t keep his mouth shut; two or three more, and he was liable to start a fight. That was probably the one thing I did pick fights about when we were together. I hated it when he drank, but I was afraid to leave him alone when he did. "What’s wrong?" I shook my head. "Nothing. Just thinking." "About?" 135

"My ex, actually." He chuckled, but it was a nervous sound. "The headache remind you of him?" "You could say that." I sipped my coffee again. "I was just thinking that I couldn’t stand being with him when he drank, but being around you when you’re drinking is actually fun." He leaned forward and kissed me, stubble grazing my chin as he did. "You’re rather fun when you’re drunk too." I laughed, but in the back of my mind, something about this situation simultaneously reassured and unnerved me. I liked the fact that Liam was a better lover, a better friend, and a better man than Craig. I was unnerved by the very same thing. I’d told him all along I didn’t want anything serious, but the more I got to know him, the less I could imagine being anywhere but here. Sharing grocery store swill coffee and a hangover with Liam was more pleasant than some of the best times I’d had with Craig. Absently swirling my coffee as I would a glass of wine, I said, "How much advance notice do you need to give to take a few days off from work?" He looked at me over his cup, eyebrows lifting. "Depends on how busy the club is. Why?" I paused, taking a sip and rolling it around just to give my mouth something to do before I actually said what was on my mind. It didn’t matter how weak and watery it was, it gave me an excuse not to speak for a moment. Finally, I swallowed it and looked into the nearly empty cup. "I’m going up to Vancouver next weekend. Friday, Saturday, and Sunday." Raising my eyes, I said, "Want to go?" He took a sip and seemed to do the same thing, rolling it around for a long moment as his eyes fixated on something invisible. Then he nodded. "Yeah, that sounds like fun." He grinned. "The boss owes me a weekend off anyway." I smiled, oddly relieved that he’d agreed to go. In some part of my mind, I knew there was a possibility he couldn’t because of his job, but I wasn’t sure if he’d want to go. But he did. "I already have a reservation," I said. 136

"I’ve never been there," he said. "How far is it?" "About three hours, depending on traffic." "I need a passport for that, don’t I?" "Do you have one?" He nodded and gestured towards the stack of boxes beside his dresser. "It’s in one of those. I’ll find it, don’t worry." "You’d better," I said. "Or I’ll have to leave you behind." He trailed his fingers up my arm and leaned in to kiss me. "Don’t you dare."

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Twenty Four Craig and I said little as we tried on various styles of tuxedos, shirts, cummerbunds, and obnoxiously uncomfortable clip-on bowties. I tried to ignore the unspoken questions hanging between us, but I knew it was only a matter of time. "I really like the vests better." Craig fussed with a cummerbund. "But the bride insists." He muttered something else under his breath. "I don’t know, I rather like cummerbunds myself." I shrugged, buttoning a tux shirt that was much, much more comfortable than the last two I’d tried on. Craig looked up, our eyes meeting in the safety of our reflections. Something caused his eyebrows to furrow and his lips to purse, as if a thought wanted to be spoken, but he let it go. "Well, then you and Rebecca must have similar tastes." Then he caught himself, his face coloring. I chuckled and put on one of the cummerbunds. "I know what you meant." He laughed nervously, but said nothing for a moment. He reached back to unbuckle his cummerbund. "Christ, how do you get this damned thing off?" "Here, let me." I pushed his hand away and unfastened it. He set it on the table, shaking his head. "Try doing it that easily when it’s behind your own—" He stopped as I reached back and unbuckled my own just as quickly. "What can I say?" I handed it to him. "I’ve had a bit of practice." 138

He gave me a puzzled look, then rolled his eyes. "Right, I forgot about your man’s uniform." I smiled, but didn’t say anything. A glimpse in the mirror confirmed my suspicion that my cheeks had darkened slightly, so I let the color in my face speak for me. We were quiet for a while. He fussed with another cummerbund while I glared at a bowtie in the mirror as I tried to straighten it. A clip-on seemed cheap and lazy after watching Liam effortlessly tie his so many times, but he’d had practice and wore one daily. I was going to wear this thing once. Lazy or not, I wasn’t learning to tie a damned bowtie for one wedding. It was enough of a pain this way. "So—" Craig cleared his throat. "Are you sure you’re still okay with being my best man?" I paused, letting the question bounce around in my mind for a moment. Was I okay with it? Why wouldn’t I be? It had been a while since I’d even given it any thought at all. Now that I did, the night Craig asked seemed like a distant memory, as were my reservations about doing this. It was suddenly surreal that I had ever had an issue with it. I shrugged, then smiled. "Yeah, it’s fine." "Really? I wasn’t sure, you know, after the first couple of times we talked about it." "Just took a while to get used to the idea, I guess." A while, or at least a few nights in bed with Liam. We went through a few more jackets and shirts, separating out the ones that were simply too uncomfortable or unsightly to even consider. Craig narrowed it down to three, and I made sure he didn’t see me roll my eyes when he suggested trying them on again. "So how are things going with the new man, anyway?" He shoved a few boxes aside so the salesman would, when he returned, know which were no longer needed. "Still keeping things casual, but it’s going well." I met Craig’s eyes in the mirror, then turned my attention back to the jacket I had to try on. Again. "Actually, we’re heading to Vancouver this weekend." He suddenly stopped moving. "Vancouver?" "Yeah, you know, that city in Canada?" "Yes, I know the city," he muttered. He turned his attention back to the selection of tux coats, but not before I 139

caught a glimpse of his Adam’s apple bobbing and his brow pulling together above narrowed eyes. I swallowed. We’d gone to Vancouver quite a few times. I wondered if he saw this trip as Liam slowly moving in on territory that was once his own. And he would be right. I fully intended to make some new memories with Liam in that city to paint over the ones Craig and I had made. Guilt tried to force its way into my mind, but I pushed it back. You left, Craig. This is me moving on. "Well, if you guys are traveling together," he said quietly. "That sounds a bit more than casual." "It’s just a weekend trip," I said. "And I seem to recall that you and I moved in together shortly after our first weekend trip." There was a disconcerting sharpness in his voice. Disapproval? Jealousy? "Craig, I’ve only been seeing him for a few weeks." "I know, but—" "And you’re not exactly in a position to lecture me about rushing things." I gave him a pointed look, and he glared at me, then exhaled and nodded. "Okay, fair enough." He took his bowtie off and dropped it in the box. "So do you think it’s going to get serious with him?" I gave him a puzzled look. "I… maybe. I don’t know. Why?" "Just curious." He shrugged. "If he’s going to be around for a while, I’d like to meet him one of these days." "I’m sure you will eventually. And you’ve seen him—" I caught myself. Our eyes met and I got the feeling he was thinking the same thing. We both looked away quickly, clearing our throats. He picked up two of the coats he’d already tried on. "So which do you prefer?" I knew he was deliberately changing the subject before we started discussing that night, and I followed suit without hesitation. I nodded towards the double-breasted coat in his left hand. "That one’s more comfortable." He nodded. "I think I like it better too. Any preference on the pants?" I like Liam’s better. Preferably on my bedroom floor. 140

"Not really." We finally managed to wrap up the fitting, keeping the conversation to safe, mundane subjects. Until we left, anyway. "So you’re really into this guy, huh?" he said as we walked out of the store into the mall. I nodded. "You were right. I just needed to get out and meet someone." He avoided my eyes. "Oh. Well, that’s good. That’s great." I raised an eyebrow. "Is it?" He looked up. "Yeah, of course." His smile was as forced as I’d ever seen it. "Really, Jon, I’m glad to see you getting out and moving on." With a laugh that didn’t echo in his eyes, he added, "Getting over me." I stopped, putting my hands in my coat pockets. "Craig, what’s wrong? A few weeks ago, you were practically begging me to—" "I know, I know." He put his hands up and shook his head. "It’s just, I guess it’s weird seeing you with someone new. Just takes some getting used to, that’s all." He laughed dryly. "Guess now I know what it was like for you." Not even close, jackass. I bit my tongue. You had six months to get used to the idea. He clapped my shoulder. "Come on, I’ll buy you a beer before we go. You deserve it after putting up with that bullshit for the last two hours." I glanced at my watch. "No can do. I’m running late as it is." An inquisitive look flickered across his face, but enlightenment quickly followed. He smiled—a thin-lipped look that suggested a clenched jaw beneath—and nodded. "Okay. Well. Thanks for putting up with all of that." He gestured towards the tux rental shop. "No problem," I said. "I’ll see you later, then." He nodded and extended his hand. I shook it, we exchanged smiles, and when I released his hand, he held on just a split second longer. As I turned to walk away, I didn’t look back, but I caught a glimpse of him in a store window. He was watching me leave. 141

Twenty Five On Friday morning, I picked Liam up at his brother’s house to head up to Vancouver for the weekend. Scott lived in Everett, which was an hour or so north of Seattle, so at least it was on the way. When I rang the doorbell, Amy answered. "Hi, Jon," she said as she let me in. "Liam’s in the garage with Scott." She gestured for me to follow her down the hall. "They’re not going to make me tell them apart, are they?" I asked. She laughed. "Knowing them, probably. But it’s easy in the garage." "How’s that?" "The one who’s using technical terms and looks at home is Liam," she said. "The one who looks confused and doesn’t have any grease on his hands is Scott." "Noted," I laughed. When we walked into the garage, both brothers looked up from under the hood of a car, and I instantly knew which was Liam. Though Amy’s description was accurate—Liam was elbows-deep in the engine while Scott stood back with his arms across his chest, looking confused—it was the look on Liam’s face that gave him away. He smiled and his eyes said you’re here. "Well, looks like your ride is here," Scott said. Liam smirked. "Yeah, and he’s driving, too." "Damn it, Liam, I don’t want to know." Chuckling, Liam grabbed a rag and wiped some of the grease off his hands. He went to the sink and scrubbed the rest off. "So you’re heading up to Canada?" Scott said to me. 142

I nodded. "Vancouver." Amy folded her arms across her chest. "You two aren’t running off to elope, are you?" Liam and I laughed. As he dried his hands, he said, "Come on, Amy, you know if I ever went up there to get married, I’d drag your husband’s sorry ass with me to be my best man." "More like stand-in," she muttered. "Hey," Liam said, giving her a good-natured glare. "That was only for the rehearsal." She laughed and said to me, "I swear, sometimes I wonder if they still switch off just to give Scott a break from me." "That’s a damned good idea!" Scott said. "You never know," I said. "Maybe they have." "I wouldn’t put it past them," she said. "Though I’d like to think I’d be able to tell them apart by now." "Trust me, Amy," Liam said. "I think a few things might give me away." Before they could reply, he said to me, "We should probably roll out before traffic gets ugly." "Ready when you are." "Take care of my baby while I’m gone," Liam said to Scott, nodding towards his bike in the corner of the garage. "I always do," Scott said. "Have a good time, you guys. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t—" He stopped, wrinkling his nose. "Nevermind, just have a good time." Liam and I laughed and headed for the car. He dropped a backpack in the trunk and got into the passenger seat. "Thanks for meeting me here," he said. "I hope it wasn’t too far out of the way." "Hardly." I backed out of the driveway. "We’re taking I-5, so we’d be passing through here anyway." "Good point." "You always leave your bike with him when you go out of town?" He nodded. "Yeah, I don’t like leaving it in the complex when I’m gone. Even the new place. It’s a fairly safe part of town, but I’m always afraid of it getting stolen or fucked up." "Anyone ever messed with it before?" 143

He shifted in his seat and I thought he might have shivered. Clearing his throat, he said, "Not this one, but my last one. It happens. So I just leave it with Scott." "He doesn’t tinker with it, does he?" Liam laughed. "Oh God, no. That man won’t even change his own oil if he can avoid it." "Not mechanically inclined?" "Not in the least. One of the only two ways people can tell us apart: I fuck with cars, he fucks women." I snorted. "I hope he only fucks one woman these days." "Are you kidding? He worships that woman. I don’t think he’s even aware that other women still walk this Earth." "Good man," I said with a nod of approval. "Okay, I’m dying of curiosity. Tell me about this prank you two pulled at your brother’s wedding." He laughed. "Well, it was just the rehearsal. She always said she couldn’t tell us apart—hell, no one can—so we decided to mess with her head." I glanced at him, raising my eyebrows. Still snickering, he went on. "We went through the whole damned rehearsal that way. Right up until the minister said ‘you may kiss the bride’." "Liam, you didn’t…" "No, no," he said. "I made her think I was going to, then backed off and said, ‘I can’t do this. I just can’t.’ She was horrified, but I think she almost died when Scott elbowed me out of the way and said ‘let me show you how to do this, idiot’. He grabbed her, dipped her, and kissed her." I laughed. "I assume she figured it out at that point?" "It took her a second. When he let her back up, she was pretty shell-shocked. Then she looked at him, looked at me, and rolled her eyes. I thought her whole family was going to have collective heart failure." "The hazards of marrying a twin, I guess," I said. "Exactly." He chuckled. "Even our mom can’t tell us apart most of the time. When we were in high school, she used to joke that the only way she could tell us apart was to see if we had an arm around a boy or a girl." "So I take it she accepted that you’re gay?" 144

"Oh hell yeah." He gestured dismissively. "Actually, she thought Scott was the gay one, so if anything, she was just surprised that it was me and not him." "What gave her that idea?" "Stereotypes." "Oh?" He nodded. "I was the one who was into cars and bikes, Scott was the well-dressed, perfectly groomed one who didn’t seem to notice the girls." He snickered. "Our poor mom. About two weeks after I came out to her, my brother told her he’d knocked a girl up." "Christ, good thing you guys weren’t triplets. I can only imagine what a third brother would have done." He laughed. "That’s exactly what she said, actually. After my brother told her his girlfriend was pregnant, she looked at him, looked at me, and said, ‘If you two had been triplets, one of you probably would have murdered someone by now’." "You two must have been quite a handful." "Nah, we weren’t that bad," he said. "I mean, aside from the being gay and being a teenaged father thing. We were both pretty good kids. It’s not like we ever— watch your speed, there’s a cop up there." I craned my neck and sure enough, the front end of a white Crown Victoria was just barely visible in one of the turnouts. I took my foot off the gas and let the car ease down to a mile or two over the speed limit. After I’d passed the cop, I glanced in my rearview a few times to make sure he hadn’t come after me, and when I was satisfied that he wasn’t going to move, I said, "Thank you. Anyway, go on." "Right, so," he said. "It’s not like we were ever druggies or anything like that. Good grades, didn’t mouth off at our parents—" "You?" I scoffed. "You of all people didn’t mouth off at your parents?" He laughed. "Well, no more than your average teenager." "Uh huh, I believe that." "That sounded sarcastic." "It was." "Fuck you." 145

I winked at him. "Patience, my lad, we’ll be there in a couple of hours." "A couple of hours?" he whined theatrically. "But I can’t wait that long." "Tough," I laughed. "I’d drive faster, but I doubt that’s the only cop out on the road today." "Good point." He paused. "Are we there yet?" "No." "Are we there yet?" "No." "Are we—" "Want to walk?" I shot him a playful glare and we both laughed. I put my hand on his leg, squeezing gently, and he rested his hand on mine. We drove in silence for a few minutes. Then he looked at me. "So when did you figure it out? That you were gay?" "Sophomore year in high school." I glanced over my shoulder at my blind spot before changing lanes to pass some jackass who was going twenty below the speed limit. As I pulled into the passing lane and accelerated, I said, "Was never interested in girls, couldn’t figure out what all the hype was about. All of my friends were looking to score this or that girl, and none of them appealed to me." "Until you had your first crush?" Pulling back into the right lane, I nodded. "Exactly. Man, I will never forget that day. I walked into my English class and there he was." I ran my tongue over my lips, remembering the first time I ever laid eyes on Christian Bailey. "He’d just moved into the area, and ended up in my class. As soon as I saw him, I knew, without a doubt, that I was gay." "Was he?" I shook my head. "Nah. But he helped me figure it out, even if he never knew." "That’s about how it was with me too," he said. "First guy I ever had a crush on never knew about it, but it sure turned my world on its ass." "Exactly." I changed lanes again, cursing under my breath at all the people who didn’t seem to understand that the speed limit was seventy, not seven. "Christ, has everyone forgotten how to drive today?" 146

he said as we breezed past the offending minivan. "Apparently," I said. Cupping his hands around his mouth, he shouted in the other car’s direction, "It’s the little pedal on the right! Put your fucking foot on it!" We both howled with laughter. As we drove on, he said, "So were you ever curious about women?" I shrugged. "I was curious, but not in the rabid, dying to get into her pants way that all of my classmates were." "Ever date a girl?" "I had a girlfriend for a while in high school, but it was probably more of a close friendship than anything. Fooled around a little, but she didn’t seem to want to go any further and neither did I." I glanced at him. "What about you?" "I dated a couple of girls," he said. "Slept with one, but she didn’t do much for me. Looking back, it might have just been because we were both kids. You know, clueless virgins." "So you think it would do more for you now?" "Nah," he said. "I mean, I think we’d both have a better idea of what we were doing, and we’d waste an hour or so instead of five minutes, but in the end…" He shook his head. "Just not into women." He paused, then laughed. "Ironically, at the time, I thought I just wasn’t into sex." "You? Not into sex?" I looked at him and we exchanged grins. Putting my hand on his leg again, I said, "Yeah. That’ll be the day." Conversation meandered between the past, present, and future, with the occasional pause to comment on the slowpoke drivers we left in our dust or the amusing billboards alongside the interstate. As we neared the border, traffic ground to a halt. "Looks like we’re not the only ones with this idea," he said, scowling at the endless line of cars in front of us. "This isn’t that bad. I’ve seen worse on the floating bridges." The bridges connecting Seattle to the cities across Lake Washington were traffic purgatory in the afternoons. "Good point," he said. "That’s why I avoid those damned things like the plague." "Ah well," I said, tapping my fingers on the steering wheel. "We’ll get there eventually." My own nonchalance 147

about this sort of gridlock surprised me. I’d spent plenty of time in similar traffic jams and usually had little patience for it, but today, I was damn near welcoming it. For once, the endless line of cars waiting to cross the border didn’t seem like an obstacle keeping us from our destination. If anything, it was just a means to draw out this time together without the interruption of parking, getting out, and checking in. I was certainly dying to get into our hotel and take him to bed, but for now, with Liam for company, I was content to let time slow down for a little while. We spent the time shooting the breeze about everything and nothing, talking about family, jobs, and whatever else came to mind. We laughed, we flirted, we talked. Sitting in the middle of a traffic jam of biblical proportions, I could think of nowhere else I’d rather be. Eventually, the white Peace Arch came into view. It was a monument dedicated to the longstanding peace between Canada and the United States, but to anyone traveling between the countries, it had long ago become a symbol of "thank God, we’re finally going to get out of this fucking traffic". "So how often do you come up here?" he asked as we inched closer to the border. "Couple times a year," I said. "Gives me a few days away from home." I didn’t tell him that every trip except the last one had been with Craig. I’d hoped coming up alone would help me move on, but the city remembered him almost as well as I did. Vancouver couldn’t have poured more salt in the wounds if someone had spray-painted Craig’s name on every wall and window. This time, I hoped I could put a new face with these familiar streets. "Why Vancouver?" he said. "I mean, doesn’t it seem a bit redundant to vacation from Seattle in a city that’s almost exactly like Seattle?" "If I wanted to go someplace exotic, I would," I said. "I just like getting away from town once in a while, even if the scenery isn’t that much different." "I hear that," he said quietly. I couldn’t be sure, but I thought he shuddered. Before I could speak, though, he nodded towards the border patrol that was coming into view. "Think they’d get upset if I was giving you head when we 148

pulled up?" I shivered at the thought. I hadn’t even realized how horny I was until he said that, and my traffic jam Zen immediately evaporated into impatience. Move it, fuckers, get out of my way! "You never know," he said. "Might give them something to break up the monotony of their day." I laughed. "If they were smart, they’d ask to be next in line." "In that case, maybe I should wait to see if the guard is good-looking." "Or male." "That too." He ran his index finger up the side of my leg. "Or, maybe I’ll just wait until we get to the hotel." I sucked in a breath. "You know it’s still another fortyfive minutes after we cross the border, right?" He grinned. "That’s assuming there’s minimal traffic, right?" "Yes." "Good," he said. "Then I have plenty of time to tease you and drive you insane." "You’re evil." "And you’re driving, so there’s nothing you can do about it." "Do you want me to stop this car?" "You are stopped." "Damn it," I said. "That threat works much better on the freeway." He laughed. "Exactly. It’s an empty threat. Mine, however…" His finger ran along the inside of my thigh this time. "…is not." I looked at him, his devilish expression making my mouth water. Then I looked at the line of cars in front of me. All of you. Out of my way. Now!

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Twenty Six We dropped our overnight bags somewhere between the door and the bed. Shoes, jackets, and shirts fell behind us like a trail of breadcrumbs to eventually lead us back into the real world, but we weren’t going back to that world any time soon. Forget seeing the rest of the city: I had Liam’s lips against my neck and his hand around my cock. Hellish traffic had turned the forty-five minute drive from the border to Vancouver into two hours of stop-and-go, and Liam had taken full advantage of it, teasing me mercilessly the entire time. Whether it was running his fingers along my leg, or describing in great detail all the things he wanted to do to me, or kissing the inside of my wrist, or telling me how much he wanted to watch me come, he didn’t quit. I couldn’t remember ever being so painfully turned on and deliciously frustrated for so fucking long. And now that we were out of the car and our clothes, he was damn well going to do something about it. "Fuck me," I whispered. "Fuck me now." I halfexpected him to tease me more, to drive me just a little crazier before he finally gave me what I wanted, but he didn’t protest at all. Instead, he got up and grabbed his overnight bag, going straight for the pocket that had condoms and lube in it. He tore the condom wrapper on the way back to the bed and paused to quickly put it on before rejoining me. "Get on your knees," he growled as he poured lube into his hand. "I’ve been dying for this all goddamned day." "You aren’t the only one," I said, turning as he asked and shivering when his hands closed around my hips. His 150

cock pressed against me and anticipation made my head spin. "Oh my God, Liam, fuck me." His only answer was a ragged breath as his cock slowly pushed into me. After a few slow, easy strokes, he said, "Tell me how you want it, Jon." "Hard," I moaned. His fingertips trailed up the center of my spine. "Oh, it’s already hard. You took care of that." "You know what I mean." "I do, but I want to hear you say it." He moved from the hips and ran his fingers up and down my back. "You fucking tease," I said. His body shifted and his hand came down beside mine. The other snaked around my waist and closed around my cock, stroking it slowly as he moved equally slowly inside me. "Tell me, Jon," he said against the back of my neck, his lips and breath brushing my skin. "I want to hear you tell me…" "Fuck me. Jesus Christ, fuck me now." "Do you want me to fuck you hard?" He slammed into me once, then withdrew slowly. Kissing the side of my neck, he whispered, "Do you want me to, Jon?" Another violent thrust. "To fuck you hard and fast?" "Yes," I pleaded. "Jesus, Liam—" "Yes, what? Tell me. I want to hear you say it." "Fuck me hard," I said, my breath catching. "Please." "How hard?" "As hard as you can," I moaned. A soft huff of laughter cooled the back of my neck. "Are you sure?" "Yes." His stubble scuffed my shoulder. "I don’t know if you can handle it as hard as I can give it to you." I clenched my jaw with frustration and arousal. "Try me." "I don’t know, I don’t— fuck." I slammed my hips back into him so hard it almost knocked both of us off balance. "Harder." He kissed the back of my shoulder blade. "My pleasure." With that, he sat up, grabbed my hips, and railed me. "Oh God," he groaned "Oh God, you feel so fucking 151

good." I could only shudder in response, digging the heels of my hands into the bed and pushing back against him, my body pleading for everything my voice couldn’t: Harder. Faster. More. "Am I hurting you?" he asked, panting. Through my teeth, I growled, "Not yet. Fuck. Me. Harder." He did, knocking the breath out of my lungs as he slammed into me harder and faster with each thrust until pain mingled perfectly with pleasure. His violent thrusts punctuated his breathless words as he said, "Oh fucking hell, I’m gonna come, I’m—" He gasped, pulled my hips against him, and shuddered. "Oh my God…" He didn’t even give himself time to catch his breath before he said, "Get on your back." It was somewhere between a plea and a command, but either way, I wasn’t arguing. As soon as he pulled out, I rolled onto my back. Before I’d even laid back, Liam went down on me, hungrily fucking me with his mouth and stroking me with one hand. I was already close to coming, but this was going to send me over the edge in no time flat. "Oh God," I groaned, reaching for the headboard. "Oh my God, Liam, holy— oh fuck!" Two fingers slipped inside me, bending just right to hit the most sensitive spot, and my vision went completely white. When I could breathe again, I managed one deep gulp of air before Liam’s mouth—salty-sweet with the taste of my orgasm—closed over mine. I put my arms around him, holding him against me as I tasted myself on his tongue. A sheen of sweat dampened and cooled his skin, but his trembling body radiated heat just as mine did. "Jesus, that was incredible," he said, still panting. I brushed away a droplet of sweat running down his temple. "We should do it again." His eyes widened. Then he laughed and leaned in to kiss me again. "Give me a few minutes," he whispered. "And you’re on."

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Twenty Seven We spent Saturday afternoon at Stanley Park, which covered a peninsula at one end of the Lions Gate Bridge. It was more or less Vancouver’s answer to New York’s Central Park, if quite a bit smaller and less crowded. It was an area I knew well, but Craig had never wanted to spend much time in the park. I was content with just walking and enjoying the scenery; he preferred the city itself. Liam, on the other hand, didn’t mind at all as we wandered along the shoreline on the paved multi-use trail. With his fingers loosely laced between mine, we strolled past the gently lapping water, talking about anything and nothing. I had only intended for us to stay in the park for a few hours, but as the trail wound along the beach and the afternoon sky warmed with the earliest hints of sunset, neither of us made any move to leave. Even as the trail looped back towards the car, we weren’t in any hurry. Instead, we went off the path and picked our way along the beach. "I think I needed this," he said, looking out across the harbor. I skipped a rock along the water’s smooth surface. "What? A walk in the park?" "Just a weekend away. Out of the city." He slid his arm around my waist. "A weekend with you." "Three days of sex on demand," I said. "Can’t imagine what’s not to like." He laughed. "It’s sex on demand? Well, hell, maybe we should stay longer." "Don’t tempt me," I said. 153

He kissed me gently and we kept walking. "The sun’s going to be going down soon. I wouldn’t mind sitting here for a while and watching it." "No can do," I said. "What? Why not?" "Canadian law," I said. "American tourists have to have a special visa to watch the sunset." "Right. Of course." He chuckled. "It’s true. They don’t like sharing it with foreigners." "Well then, if that’s the case, I say let’s live dangerously." We both laughed as we sat on the sand not far from the trail. For a long time, we were silent, just watching the boats crisscross the otherwise calm water with their rippling wakes before heading in for the night. Past the water, the city was stained with the warm colors of the setting sun. Vancouver may not have been Paris or New York, but given the view and my present company, it was perfect. Out of the blue, Liam asked, "So what made you decide to bring me here with you?" The question caught me off guard. Clearing my throat with a single cough of nervous laughter, I said, "Besides the fact that I didn’t want to leave you for a weekend with no adult supervision?" He laughed. "Yes, besides that." I shrugged, letting the water hold my gaze because I wasn’t sure I could look him in the eye. Because I need to remember this place with someone else. Because I would rather be with you than not. Because I think we’ve both known from the beginning that this isn’t as casual as we intended it to be. "Jon?" I cleared my throat again. "Oh, you know, traveling’s always more fun with someone else." His fingers ran up and down my arm. "That’s true. It is." Neither of us spoke. The tide gently splashed against the beach to remind me of the silence lingering between us. And once again it was Liam who broke that silence with something else that caught me off guard: "I wouldn’t mind coming back up here." He ran his fingers through my 154

hair. "Maybe next time, we could stay a little longer." I looked at him then, disbelief making it impossible to breathe. "Are you—" I swallowed. "Are you serious?" He nodded. "Why wouldn’t I be?" We looked at each other in silence for a moment, as if neither quite knew what to say. Then he touched my face and whispered, "Come here." He pulled me into a gentle, heart-stopping kiss. It was just his lips against mine, his fingers and warm breath against my face, but the second we made contact, everything around us ceased to exist. We barely touched, I barely breathed, and time barely moved. Even my heartbeat, which thundered in my ears, seemed to slow down until every. Single. Beat had time to echo into silence before the next took its place. As the kiss deepened, I wrapped my arms around him. He pulled me closer, and every touch of his lips against mine, every taste of his tongue, brought back memories of a similar kiss we’d shared one night out on Alki. The kiss on Alki told me that he wanted me that night. This kiss resonated with something that didn’t seem quite so finite. And when I broke the kiss and met his gaze, the deepening crimson of daylight only served to intensify the unmistakable need in his eyes. "Want to get out of here?" I whispered. He smiled. "In a minute." I gave him a puzzled look. "In a minute?" Pulling me closer, he grinned into my kiss. "I want to watch the sun go down." "Can’t watch the sun go down with your eyes closed." He touched my face. "Details."

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Twenty Eight "Why don’t they ever put bathtubs like this in apartments?" I set my wine glass on the edge and leaned back against Liam in the hot water. He put his arm around me, resting his hand on my chest. "Can you imagine the exorbitant rent they’d charge if they did? Hell, the fucking extortionists would probably double the rent for something like this." I laced my fingers between his. "I don’t know, might be worth it though." His wine glass clinked on the tub’s edge. "Yeah, if you could afford to put water in it after paying the damned rent." I laughed. "Point taken." "Especially since if you had a bathtub like this in your place…" He kissed the side of my neck and murmured, "You’d get fired from your job." "Oh really? And why is that?" He kissed his way up to my ear. "Because we’d never leave the house." I turned my head towards him, sliding my free hand around the back of his neck. Just before I kissed him, I whispered, "You know, there are some things worth getting fired over." He gently freed his hand from mine and trailed his fingertips up the side of my neck as the kiss deepened. We held each other that way until I started getting a cramp in my neck, but I wasn’t stopping this any time soon. I sat up long enough to turn around and face him. His arms were around me even before our lips met and he pulled me close to him. 156

His hand drifted down my side, then closed around my cock, making my breath catch. He stroked me gently and I did the same to him, but it was his kiss that held my attention, his mouth moving slowly against mine. So slowly. Almost painfully slowly, as if he wanted me to taste every single motion of his lips and tongue. His kiss mesmerized me so much that my hand stopped moving. At some point, so did his. There will be time for that later. I put my arms around his neck and let myself get lost in his kiss. It must have been ages before Liam broke the kiss and looked at me, smiling as he ran his fingertips down the side of my face. "Maybe we should take this in the other room?" I nearly suggested we stay right here a little longer, but the water had cooled around us, so I nodded and reached for a towel. Moments later, Liam’s hand was in my hair and his lips pressed to mine as we sank onto the bed. Arms around each other, we continued our unhurried kissing, just touching and tasting each other like we had all the time in the world. We moved onto our sides, then I was on top, giving his arms a rest, but we didn’t stop. I wondered if we’d ever stop. Every time his tongue met mine, I hoped we wouldn’t. Like a gathering storm, the hunger between us intensified with each passing minute. The kisses deepened. The touches became more deliberate and desperate. Every exhalation against my skin was sharper and more ragged than the last. Finally, he said in a hoarse, shaky whisper, "I want to be inside you." His voice sent a shiver up my spine. I kissed him lightly, then sat up and moved so he could reach for a condom. Once it was on and he’d put some lube on it, he didn’t tell me how he wanted me. Without a word, he put his arms around me and kissed me again, drawing it out like we had done all night. Slowly, gently, he eased me onto the bed on my back After another long kiss, he sat up, trailing his fingertips up my inner thigh as he pressed his cock against me. "You just have no idea how much you turn me on," he 157

said. Before I could reply, before I could tell him just how mutual that feeling was, he pushed into me, sliding in just as slowly as we’d made out all night. "Oh God," I breathed. He closed his eyes, groaning softly before withdrawing. I touched his face and he exhaled, turning to kiss my palm. Moving my hand into his hair, I drew him down and held on for dear life when his lips met mine. We’d had wild sex, we’d had slow sex, but this was like nothing I’d ever experienced, this contradiction of primal intimacy. His kiss was nothing but powerful sensuality, and every touch of his hand was alive with passionate tenderness. Every stroke happened in slow motion, but the intensity rivaled his most violent thrusts. The room was nearly silent, but the air thrummed with cries we couldn’t even whisper. A shudder straightened his spine and he broke the kiss with a ragged breath against my lips. Resting his weight on his elbows he took slow, trembling strokes, moaning as he pushed himself deeper inside me. His shoulders bunched and muscles quivered with exertion, but even as his brow knitted and his lips pulled into a grimace, his eyes were locked on mine. Another shudder rippled through him. He threw his head back and closed his eyes, groaning softly. I moaned. "Fuck, Liam, that’s perfect…" I screwed my eyes shut as the sheer intensity made tears well up. "You’re close, aren’t you?" I nodded, sucking in a breath as he thrust harder. "I don’t want to come until you do," he said through his teeth. "I want to watch—" He gasped. "I want to watch you come this way, and feel you come this way…" "Keep…" I exhaled, every deep stroke bringing me closer and closer to delirium. What he did was perfect, so perfect that I lost the words to tell him so. "Look at me, Jon," he pleaded. "Let me see—" He stopped abruptly when our eyes met, and we both shivered. Everything intensified as I stared into his pale green eyes and tried to remember how to breathe. There was no looking away, no pulling my gaze away from his. The heightening tension inside me, the ache that demanded release, reflected 158

in his eyes, and I could no longer tell the difference between what I felt and what I saw. "Oh God, Jon," he moaned, still holding my gaze even as his eyebrows lifted and his lips parted. "Oh God, oh God…" The shudder in his voice echoed up my spine, and I couldn’t hold back anymore. I managed no more than a deep groan as I closed my eyes and surrendered. As soon as my orgasm took over, Liam released a throaty growl and thrust a few more times before he came too. He sank against me, both of us panting and trembling as the dizzying energy in the air dissipated into calm lethargy. "Fucking hell," he whispered, kissing the underside of my jaw before lifting himself up on his elbows. "That was—" Our eyes met again. My breath stopped. So did his. I felt it. He felt it. Neither of us spoke, but his eyes said it all. Finally, he bent and kissed me. It was just a light, gentle kiss, but its intensity was on par with some of our hungriest embraces. I knew. He knew. But we didn’t say a word. Whether we were afraid to speak or this simply went beyond anything that could be put into words, I didn’t know. All I know is that it wasn’t until we’d gotten ready for bed and made it under the covers that Liam finally broke the silence. "You know," he said. "I like this place. It’s too bad we’re going home already." "Not until tomorrow," I said. "We still have all night." "Yeah, we do." He smiled and kissed me lightly before I rested my head on his chest. Lying this way, the window was directly in my line of sight, and outside was Vancouver’s skyline. As Liam ran his fingers through my hair and gently kissed the top of my head, I watched the sparkling lights in the distance. I’d brought Liam to Vancouver to put a new face with the memories of this town, and I’d succeeded. This was no longer the city that wouldn’t forget Craig. This was where I fell in love with Liam. 159

Twenty Nine The next morning, we just barely managed to get out of our room in time for checkout. I was tempted to suggest staying another day, but didn’t want to press my luck with my boss. Though no one had commented on my sick day or miraculous full recovery the following day, I was still certain someone was going to find me out. As if I was the only one in the building who had ever taken a gratuitous sick day, but it wasn’t usually my style, and my conscience hadn’t let me forget it. Casting a surreptitious glance at Liam as he zipped his backpack, I couldn’t help but grin to myself. Guilty conscience or not, that night was well worth it. And another day here would be well worth it, too, but we had to return to the real world sooner or later, so we gave the room one last look to make sure we hadn’t forgotten anything and headed down to turn in our key. Then we hit the road. Conversation was unusually tense and stilted as we inched through traffic towards the border. Though we bantered and flirted as we often did, there was something else that remained uncomfortably unspoken. Every time we fell into a quiet lull, we’d exchange glances, a silent "are you going to say it?" passing between us. Each safe, mundane topic thrummed with the conversation we hadn’t yet had, every word a nervous preamble to what needed to be said. Traffic leading up to the border was, as always, painfully slow. When we’d crossed it the other day, I was content to move at a snail’s pace in spite of my eagerness to 160

get to the hotel. I was in no hurry to wrap up a pleasant day of just being together. But this time, I found myself scanning the distance, begging the Peace Arch to come into view. It wasn’t that I wanted to get away from Liam, I just wanted this drive—and the discussion that I knew was coming—to be over. Shortly after we crossed the border, Liam finally went there: "You know, I don’t think this has stayed quite as casual as we set out to keep it." "Is that—" I glanced at him, quickly searching his expression for something to betray the neutrality in his voice, but finding nothing. "Is that good or bad?" He was quiet for a moment. Then, "I don’t know. I really don’t." He looked at me. "What do you think?" I chewed the inside of my cheek, trying to find the words to throw the ball back into his court. Oh hell, just get it over with. "I don’t know if it’s good or bad," I said finally. "I think it just is." Again, he was quiet, looking straight ahead, but he nodded slowly. "Yeah, I think you’re right." He laughed softly. "I guess we can’t exactly back pedal, can we?" Not after last night, we can’t. "Probably not, no." Do you want to back pedal? He fell silent again. Then he cleared his throat. "Man, I suck at these conversations." "That makes two of us." Resting his elbow below the window, he chewed his thumbnail for a moment. "I guess we’ll just see where things go, then." He paused. "But, I still don’t, you know, want to rush things along." "So you don’t want to move in together next weekend?" I said with a smirk. "Oh Jesus." He rolled his eyes. "If I never move again, it’ll be too soon." Then he paused. "Though maybe you could move this time, then—" "You’d have to help me." He waved sharply. "Never mind then." We laughed, then he went on. "In all seriousness, I just don’t want to fuck this up, you know?" I nodded and put my hand on his leg. "Yeah, I know what you mean." 161

He sighed. "I hate to dig my heels in every step of the way, I’m just—" He put his hand over mine, running his thumb along the side of my finger. "It’s going to take time." "I understand," I said. "I’m in the same boat. We’re both coming off of splits, so there’s no need to rush into anything." Even if I can’t stop myself. "Good point." After a moment, he said, "You ever wonder why we hesitate to rush into something good, but drag our feet getting out of something bad?" "Probably because we don’t usually realize how good or bad something is until it’s gone." "You know, you’re probably onto something. I mean, I won’t lie," he said. "I’ve still got a lot of shit to deal with from my ex." I glanced at him. "That bad?" "Oh man, I was miserable with him," he said. "Actually, ‘miserable’ doesn’t even begin to describe it—" He cut himself off, then gestured dismissively. Sharply, even. "Let’s just leave it at that." He ran his thumb across the back of my hand. "But I like being with you." "I’m with you on both counts," I said. He laughed. "I don’t know if ‘miserable with exes’ counts as having something in common, but I’ll take it." "Works for me," I said. We fell back into silence, but unanswered questions still lingered in the back of my mind. Sure, we were on the same wavelength that this was definitely not just a casual fling anymore, but to what degree? Neither of us wanted to rush things, but I wondered if he felt as strongly about me as I did about him. Time to test the water. "So were you serious about going back?" I asked. "About taking another trip, maybe staying a bit longer?" "Absolutely," he said without hesitation. "Especially that hotel. I love that place." "So do half the people who go to Vancouver," I said. "I usually book it months in advance." "Well worth it," he said. "I guess we’ll just have to make reservations, won’t we?" I smiled. So you do want to stick around for a while. "Just tell me when, I’ll make the call." He ran his thumb across the side of my hand. "The 162

sooner the better." I glanced at him and he winked. We drove in silence for a while, but the tension finally dissipated, returning the quiet space between us to a familiar calm. I still wasn’t sure if he felt the same way, but I could live with this. There was plenty of time to go down that road. A few hours after we crossed the border, I pulled into Scott’s driveway. "Here we are," I said. Liam smiled. "Now to see if my brother managed to fuck up my bike while I was gone," he said as he unbuckled his seatbelt. "I thought he didn’t like motorcycles." "He doesn’t. But that doesn’t mean he won’t bump it with one of his cars or his kid won’t knock it over." I laughed. "And that’s safer than leaving it at your apartment?" He swallowed hard and nodded. "Trust me. It’s safer." Then he leaned across the console to kiss me. "I know we just spent three solid days together," he said with a mischievous grin. "But if you want to stay at my place tonight…" His expression turned shy. I smiled. "I’ll meet you there."

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Thirty "I should get going," I said as Liam and I lingered in the doorway of his apartment the next morning. "Or I’m going to be here all day." He kissed me gently, his hands on my hips. "I could think of worse things." "Like getting fired?" I whispered against his lips. "I’d get fired over fucking you." He shrugged and let his fingers slide under my shirt, making me gasp when they touched my skin. "As would I," I said. "But I should go." He touched my face and drew out one last kiss before he let me go. "I’ll be there as soon as I can tonight." "What time are you off?" "Nine." "Then I’ll see you around nine fifteen." "I’ll try for nine twelve." "Just don’t kill yourself." "I won’t." He grinned kissed me again. "But I’ll be there as soon as I can." We finally managed to pry ourselves off each other and I headed downstairs. After I started the car, I paused and glanced at the clock. I wasn’t running late, so I had plenty of time to stop and grab a cup of coffee. There were coffee shops on damn near every corner. If I timed it just right, I might even beat the rush at one of my favorites a block or two from work. I pulled out of the parking lot. Drumming my thumbs on the steering wheel, I let my mind drift back to that 164

incredible weekend in Vancouver. I couldn’t help but grin. Craig who? A flash of sunlight on metal caught my eye and I looked just in time to see a blue sedan peel out of a parking lot in front of me. I swerved, nearly clipping the car in the next lane, but managed to narrowly miss both of them. "Fucking idiot," I muttered, my heart jumping into my throat. I pulled around the sedan and kept going, taking a deep breath to bring my heart rate back down. I glanced in the rearview and the car was still behind me. Right behind me. "Oh, back off, asshole," I said through my teeth. I tapped my brakes, but he stayed right on my tail. Gritting my teeth, I glanced in my blind spot and changed lanes. A second later, the blue sedan was in my rearview again. "Fuck." Just what I needed first thing on a Monday morning: Some dick with road rage, even though he was the one who’d cut me off. I turned my attention back to the road. Tried to listen to the song playing on the radio. Tried to think about the weekend that had just ended. Tried to read the bumper stickers of the car in front of me. But every time I looked up, the sedan still lurked behind me. I was getting close to my turnoff. I chewed my lip and glanced in the rearview again. Turning meant going down some narrow side streets that were almost deserted this time of day. Depending on how aggressive this guy wanted to be, that could be dangerous. Staying on Broadway meant a longer drive, but I was more out in the open and had more room to move if he decided to do something stupid. I chose to stay on Broadway. When the light at Pine Street turned yellow, my heart raced. There was no way in hell I was going to make it before it turned red, but I gunned the engine anyway and flew through the intersection just as the light turned. And he stayed right behind me. 165

"Jesus Christ, what is your damage, asshole?" I was well past annoyed now. This guy was making me nervous. The next intersection was Pike and Broadway. Without signaling or stepping on my brake, I waited until the very last second and turned so sharply onto Pike that my tires squealed. Behind me, the blue sedan kept going across the intersection, disappearing from view, and I let out a breath. I circled the block back to Pine and turned onto Broadway, continuing on my way to work. Paranoia kept me glancing in the rearview, but I knew he was gone. At least a few blocks ahead of me by now. I shook my head, then shrugged a few times, trying to get rid of that nervous tension that had developed over the last several blocks. I never understood why people got so bent out of shape over near misses on the road. Even if it had been my fault, shit happens. Yet some people just couldn’t let it go. Oh well. He’s gone now. Tires squealed and a horn honked behind me. I looked up just in time to see the blue sedan pull out and cut off the car that was a ways behind me. "You’ve got to be kidding me." I moved in front of another car and accelerated, letting the other car box me in beside a bus, forcing some distance between the blue sedan and me. Then I got in front of the bus and floored it. I was well above the speed limit now, but getting pulled over wouldn’t necessarily have been a bad thing at that point. Where’s a damned cop when you need one? I glanced at my cell phone in the cupholder. I could call the police, but I wasn’t sure I wanted to risk talking on the phone while eluding this jackass. I was almost to the office anyway; at least that parking lot would be full of people this time of day, so unless he wanted to confront me along with all of my coworkers, he’d probably leave. When I turned off onto the narrow side street that would take me to the office, I no longer had the luxury of other cars to keep us separated. He got right up on my bumper. A few times, I was sure he was going to hit me, but he didn’t. Up ahead, a light turned red. There was no blowing 166

this intersection; other cars were already moving on the cross street. I didn’t have a choice. With my heart in my throat, I slowed to a stop, hoping to God he didn’t get out of the car. I drummed my thumbs on the wheel and looked at the stoplight, refusing to make eye contact with him in the rearview. Behind me, he revved his engine, the rising and falling whine of the motor setting my teeth on edge. "Dude, whatever’s wrong with you, there’s probably a very strong prescription for it." The light turned green and I put my foot on the gas, resisting the urge to peel out and try to outrun him. Maybe if I just ignored him, just calmly proceeded, he’d leave. The black, red, and white sign for my company came into view, and I couldn’t remember ever being so happy to arrive at work. I turned on my signal and slowed down, but still he didn’t back off. It dawned on me that if he was that pissed about whatever I had apparently done, he might follow me into the lot. But there were people milling around, so I assured myself that he probably wouldn’t be stupid enough to confront me in a crowded lot. I turned into the lot and— Crunch. My car jerked slightly as the other car clipped it, and a second later, tires squealed. By the time I realized what had happened, he was long gone. I pulled into a parking space and got out, cursing under my breath. I went around to the back of my car. The driver’s side taillight was cracked and some paint was missing, but otherwise, the damage was minimal. "Hey, Jon, are you okay?" I looked up to see a few of my co-workers running towards me. I nodded. "Yeah, yeah, I’m fine." "Did you get his plate?" Steve craned his neck down the road in the direction the sedan had long since disappeared. I shook my head. "No, I should’ve. Fuck, what an asshole." Not only had I missed his plate, but in my efforts to avoid eye contact with him, I hadn’t even gotten a 167

description of the driver. "You sure you’re all right?" Aaron asked. "Dude, you’re shaking." Looking at my hands, I let out a breath as I realized he was right. "I’m okay, he just startled me. Didn’t hit me that hard." "You should get the cops in on this," Steve said. "Your insurance will want a report anyway, so—" "Guys, seriously." I put a hand up and shook my head. "There’s no point, he’s gone and I didn’t get a plate. I’ll file a report later for my insurance, but…" I shrugged. "There’s really no point in getting the cops out here now. Come on, or we’re all going to be late." Steve laughed as we started towards the building. "Yeah, and you’ll be the one who gets your ass chewed." "Shit rolls downhill, my friend," I said. "I assure you, if my ass gets chewed, yours is next." We laughed, continued across the lot, and I tried to forget about my cracked taillight and scuffed paint. I never did get my cup of coffee, but somehow I didn’t think I’d need anything to wake myself up now.

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Thirty One Shortly after I got home from work, my phone rang. Craig’s name came up on the caller ID. I rolled my eyes, realizing with some amusement that that had become my default reaction to his name or his voice. Quite a switch from my heart jumping into my throat and my stomach tying itself in knots. "Hey, what’s up?" "Not much," he said. "Mind if I come by tonight?" I rolled my eyes again. Of course, after a fender bender and a hell of a day at work, Craig was just what I needed. "Liam’s going to be here later on—" "Just for a little while," he said. "There’s a wreck on the freeway and I just don’t feel like sitting in traffic for three hours." I laughed. "So I’m just here to help you kill time on your way home?" "That’s not what I meant," he said, chuckling. "Yeah, I know," I said. "Sure, why not? I’ll be around." After I hung up, I questioned the wisdom of having him over, but then blew it off. This was what we’d agreed to do when we broke up, and now I could finally be in the same room with him without falling all over myself wishing I could have him back. After a shitty day, maybe having Craig show up to remind me just how much I’d gotten over him would lighten my mood. Yes, do come over, Craig. Come bask in my apathy. ~*~ Craig dropped onto my couch and draped his arm across the back of it while I took a seat on one of the other 169

chairs. He opened his mouth to speak, but something caught his attention and he looked past me. I followed his gaze to the print above the television. "Finally replaced that painting?" he said. "Yep," I said with a shrug. "Decided it was time for something new." "I see." It was then that I noticed the hint of bitterness in his tone. I looked at him again, raising my eyebrows as he scowled at the print. "You don’t like it?" "It’s nice." The words sounded sour on his tongue. It was tempting to tell him that Liam had helped me pick it out, but as much as I enjoyed the liberating feeling of being over him, I didn’t need to rub it in. He looked away from the offending print and turned towards me instead. "So what did you do with the painting?" "It’s still here," I said. "Just didn’t have room to hang it out here." Nodding slowly, he said, "Well, if you don’t have a place for it and want to get rid of it, I’ll take it off your hands." "It’s in the spare bedroom," I said. "Let me get it for you." He followed me down the hall, probably glad to be away from the print that now occupied the coveted place above my television. I suppressed a smirk. He leaned against the doorway in the spare bedroom as I pushed a few boxes aside to find the painting. "So how was your trip to Vancouver?" "It was great," I said. "Liam had never been there, so I showed him around." Well, as much as I could from the window of our hotel room. "Nice." His tone was icy. "Where did you guys stay?" I closed my eyes and let out a breath. He’d probably guess that we’d stayed in the same hotel where he and I had always stayed, and was just looking for confirmation. I’d resisted the temptation to taunt him with my new relationship, but he was practically begging me to. Turning towards him, I said, "Craig, do you—" "I’m just curious, Jon. That’s all." I pulled the painting out and handed it to him. "So it doesn’t bother you in the slightest that I’m taking my new 170

boyfriend to the place where you and I spent a lot of time?" The corner of his lip twitched as he moved aside to let me out of the room. "No, of course not." "Just like it doesn’t bother you at all that I took your painting off the wall?" Another twitch. I sighed. As much as I’d wanted to enjoy being around him now that I was over him, this pathetic, thinly-veiled jealousy annoyed me. This is what you wanted, Craig. I’m not going to feel guilty for finally letting you go. "Craig—" "Jon, I’m just curious how things are going. I’m glad to see that you’ve moved on." His fingers drummed on top of the painting’s frame. Was I this pathetic before I got over you? "Thanks," I said. Forcing a smile, he said, "It sounds like you guys had a great trip. That’s—" He paused. "It’s great." Must. Not. Roll. Eyes. I smiled in spite of my gritting teeth. Then I cleared my throat. "So how is the wedding coming along?" He groaned, but seemed to relax at the change of subject. "Jesus, you have no idea." I laughed. "That bad, huh?" "It’s awful. It’s a pain anyway, but I’m serious, I don’t think Rebecca and I have ever fought this much." My humor faded. "Oh really?" He nodded, clicking his tongue. "She thinks everything’s a crisis, I don’t think it’s that big of a deal." He sighed. "I just can’t wait until it’s over." The wedding or the relationship? "Well," I said, trying to keep a sympathetic smile. "It’ll be over soon." An awkward silence fell. He watched his fingers tap on the frame. Then he glanced at his watch and took a breath. "Traffic’s probably cleared out. I should go." "Okay. It was good to see you." "You, too," he said as we headed for the door. "Glad you two enjoyed your trip. And, uh—" He gestured at the painting. "Thanks for hanging onto this for me." Thanks for getting it out of my house. "No problem. Good night, Craig." As I shut the door behind him, I finally 171

allowed myself to roll my eyes. So much for letting his visit lighten my mood. If anything, I felt sorry for him now, probably the same way he felt sorry for me while I pissed away six months of my life pining for him. I shook my head and glanced at the print above the television. Yeah, it was definitely time for something new.

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Thirty Two About an hour after Craig left, my phone rang again. I cringed, hoping it wasn’t him, and it wasn’t. It was Liam. "Hey," I said. "Hey." He sounded like his teeth were chattering. "I’m going to be a bit late. Maybe an hour or two." I glanced at the clock. It was already almost nine. "I’ll be here. Everything okay?" "Yeah, just…" He paused. "I’ll tell you about it when I get there." Another pause. "I have some shit I have to take care of before I go. You sure you still want me to come over?" "Of course," I said. "Okay, I’ll be there as soon as I can." We hung up, and I chewed my lip for a moment, eyeing my phone. He’d sounded rattled, but it could have been annoyance. Probably something to do with one of his employees, or maybe a problem customer. It was well after eleven when he knocked. I opened the door and my stomach flipped. The corner of his lower lip was cut, though not enough to require stitches, and a bruise radiated across his cheek and jaw. "Jesus, Liam, what happened?" "Brawl at the club." He touched his lip gingerly and shrugged. "Couple of drunks. It happens." "Where were the bouncers?" He dropped his gaze. "It was, you know, these things happen fast. I got on one before the bouncers could, to keep 173

him from hitting the other with a broken bottle." He avoided my eyes. "Anyway, it’s…it happens." "You sure you’re okay? I can take you to get it looked at." He shook his head quickly. "No, no, it’s fine. Though…" He paused, moving his jaw from side to side and wincing. "You wouldn’t have any ice, would you?" "Yeah, of course." I gestured for him to follow me and we went into the kitchen. He leaned against the counter, looking at the floor as I pulled some ice out of the freezer. I wrapped it in a towel and handed it to him. "Thanks." He pressed it against his jaw, flinching and cursing under his breath. "Liam, I’m serious, if you want—" He put his hand up and shook his head. "I’m fine. I’ve had worse." His jaw barely moved as he spoke. A distant look darkened his expression, then he shook his head again and whispered, "Trust me. I’ve had worse." "Sounds like we both had a hell of a day," I said. He gave me an inquisitive look, the ice crunching as he shifted it slightly. "Oh?" I shrugged. "Someone clipped my bumper this morning on the way to work." He blinked, his spine straightening. "Shit, are you okay?" He winced, as if it hurt to speak. "Yeah, yeah, I’m just fine. We just swapped a little paint. Wasn’t that big of a deal." "As long as you didn’t get hurt," he said quietly. "No, I’m fine." I folded my arms across my chest and leaned against the counter across the narrow kitchen from him. "Then my ex decided to come by." Liam’s eyebrows jumped. "He wasn’t so impressed with the new artwork in the living room." I laughed. "But he took his painting with him, so at least that’s out of my hair." The corner of his mouth pulled up in a smile and a hint of the usual devilish sparkle returned to his eyes. "Guess not everyone appreciates Jason Connor." "Not when Jason Connor is invading Craig Wolfe’s wall space." Liam chuckled. "Territorial bastard, isn’t he?" 174

"You could say that." I paused. "Funny that it drives him nuts to accept that you’re in my life, but it doesn’t bother you that he’s still around." Then I cocked my head. "It doesn’t bother you, does it?" He shook his head. "I don’t own you, Jon." He adjusted the ice pack, cursing softly. Then he met my eyes. "If he was some kind of psycho, I’d be a bit concerned." I made a flippant gesture. "Nah, he’s harmless." Chewing my lip, I added, "But with everything with your ex, with him cheating, if you’re not comfortable—" "Trust me, I’m not worried," he said. "You and my ex are very, very different people. If I didn’t trust you, I’d say so." He came across the kitchen and set the ice pack on the counter behind me. One hand landed gently on my hip, the other ran through my hair. His jaw barely moving, he said, "And I do trust you, Jon. Besides, from the sound of it, this guy’s a douche anyway." I laughed, shivering as his cold fingers brushed my scalp. "That’s a pretty apt description, actually." One side of his mouth pulled into a crooked smile. "I’d ask what you saw in him but…" The humor suddenly faded and he dropped his gaze for a moment, absently touching his cut lip with the tip of his tongue. He looked up and shrugged, laughing softly. "My taste in men in the past hasn’t exactly been anything to brag about." "Another thing we have in common, then." I touched the uninjured side of his face. "I don’t know," he said. "Your taste is still questionable." I grinned. "Well, I figured if I was going to date dirty bastards, I might as well raise my standards and go for their king." He smirked. "I don’t know if I should take that as an insult or compliment." "Just a statement of fact," I said with a shrug. "Touché." He moved to kiss me, but we both paused. Touching the cut with his tongue again, he said, "Guess that’ll have to wait a little while." "Hmm, so I suppose a blowjob is out of the question, then." He gave me an incredulous look, then laughed. "Yes, 175

yes it is." Winking, he added, "That’s what you get for being well-endowed." Then his smile fell a little and he ran his fingers up and down my arm. "Sorry I won’t be much fun tonight." "Why not?" I grinned and bent to kiss his neck. He shivered when I whispered, "Just because your mouth isn’t working doesn’t mean mine isn’t."

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Thirty Three On Wednesday night, my last call of the day took me well past five o’clock. I was supposed to meet Liam for dinner at six, but it was five forty-five when I walked out of the building. Cursing and muttering on the way across the parking lot as I resisted the urge to break into a run, I called Liam. "Hey, what’s up?" he said. "I got out of work late. I’m just now leaving, so I’ll probably be there in about half an hour." "Don’t worry about it. The restaurant’s packed, so there’s a wait anyway. If I’m not in the lobby, just tell the hostess your name and—" "Oh, for fuck’s sake." I stopped in my tracks as my car came into view. My rear passenger tire was flat. Just what I needed. "What?" "Shit, I’m sorry, didn’t mean to cut you off." I exhaled sharply. "Fuck, looks like I’m going to be later than I thought." "Why? They calling you back into the office?" "No, I’ve got a damned flat tire." He laughed. "Just not your night tonight, is it?" "It will be once we get home," I said, grinning. "Hey now, that’s an awful lot of pressure for a guy like me," he said, a grin in his voice. "Making up for a shitty day at work and a flat tire?" "I’m sure you’ll manage." I popped my trunk and reached for the jack. "You haven’t failed me yet." "Yet? Oh ye of little faith." 177

"You’re the one who said it was a lot of—" I paused and craned my neck towards the front of the car. "Oh, son of a…" "What? What’s wrong?" "Fuck," I muttered, eyes fixed on my front passenger side tire. My flat front passenger tire. "Jon?" "Hang on a sec." I went to the front of the car, and sure enough, my eyes didn’t deceive me. The fucker was flat. "Oh come on, you’ve got to be kidding me!" "What? What is it?" "Christ," I muttered, tossing the jack back into the trunk. I only had one spare tire, so there was no point in changing either flat. "I’m going to have to call a tow." "Jon, what the fuck is going on?" He sounded rattled. "Two flats." He paused. "That’s not funny, Jon." "What?" I furrowed my brow as I slammed the trunk lid. "Why would I joke about that?" "You’re serious? Two flats?" "Dead serious." "What did you do? Run over a spike strip?" "Wouldn’t surprise me if I hit a few nails in this damned lot," I said. "Last time I got a flat here, it was broken glass." "But only one tire." He sounded unnerved. I walked to the other side of my car, and my blood turned to ice. "What in the hell?" "What’s wrong?" Even more unnerved. "I don’t think I hit any nails," I said. "Unless I hit four of them." "You have four flats?" "Four flats." As I looked at the front driver’s side tire, a chill ran up my spine. There was no way a nail was responsible: The weight of the car pushed the flat tire in on itself, but the gash in the sidewall was still clearly visible. "Holy fuck." I glanced nervously around the deserted parking lot. "Someone slashed my tires." He sucked in a breath. "Are you serious?" "The whole side wall is split apart." I walked around the car, looking at each tire again. "Same on every damned 178

one of them." "You need to call the cops, Jon. Right now." "That, and a tow truck." "Do you need a lift?" "You don’t mind?" "Are you kidding?" His voice was shaking now, as if he was moving quickly. "I’ll be there as soon as I can." ~*~ After I called the police and a tow, I went back into the building to call my insurance company. The lobby had a panoramic view of the parking lot, so I’d be able to see when anyone pulled in. I wasn’t waiting outside, though. It may have been a random act of vandalism, but after the jackass that tailgated me and clipped my bumper the other day, I wasn’t taking any chances. About twenty minutes after I got off the phone with Liam, the sound of his motorcycle turned my head. I was still on the phone with a claims adjuster, but headed outside. There was no way I was getting my car fixed this late in the day, so the adjuster made arrangements for a rental. Once that was all ironed out, I hung up. "How did you get here so fast?" I asked Liam as I put my phone back in my pocket. He kissed me lightly. "I have my ways." Looking around the parking lot, he said, "How long for the tow?" "An hour or so, probably." "Did the police say how long they’d be?" I shrugged. "Too long, as always. It isn’t exactly an emergency." "Sons of bitches," he muttered. He walked around the car, eyeing my tires. "They ever had problems with this kind of thing here before?" "Vandalism on occasion. It happens." "Yeah, but four slashed tires?" "Better than the smashed windshield on my boss’s car last year." Liam raised an eyebrow. "Disgruntled employee?" "Who knows? They never did figure out who did it, and they probably won’t figure this one out either." I put my hands in my pockets and shifted my weight. He pursed his lips but said nothing. As he came 179

around the back of the car, he did a double take. "What happened here?" "What?" I craned my neck and realized he was pointing at the cracked taillight. "Oh, that was that asshole that clipped me the other day." "Oh, right." He glanced at me, then back at the taillight. "It’s not your week, is it?" "Not my car’s week, anyway." I shook my head and cursed under my breath. "This is going to be murder on my insurance rate, since my company will be ponying up for this and that." I gestured at the body damage from the fender bender. "Why is your insurance paying for the accident?" he asked, looking at the cracked taillight. "I thought it was the other guy’s fault." "Hit and run," I said. "Damn it, I should have gotten that guy’s plate." "What?" Liam’s head snapped up. I thought the color drained from his face. "You didn’t tell me it was a hit and run." I nodded. "By the time I even realized he’d hit me, he was gone." "So he just," he paused, swallowing. "He hit you and took off? Out of nowhere?" "I wouldn’t say it was out of nowhere." I shrugged again. "Son of a bitch cut me off, then flipped out like it was my fault and followed me all the way here until I turned." Liam blinked. "How far did he follow you?" "He cut me off coming out of that complex a block or so from your place." The rest of the color drained from his face. "He followed you all the way here from my apartment? Jesus, Jon, why didn’t you say something?" "What is there to say? Some jackass with road rage. Hit and run. Long gone." I shrugged. "I know, but—" He cut himself off, chewing his lower lip as his eyes flicked back and forth between my taillight and one of the tires. "But, what?" He stared at the car, then shook his head. "Nothing. You’re probably right." He ran his fingers over the blue paint 180

the other car had left. In a hollow voice that raised the hairs on the back of my neck, he added, "Just some jackass with road rage." "You don’t sound very convinced." He swallowed. "No, it’s not that." He hesitated, giving the car one last look before turning to me. "I just don’t like the fact that someone was messing with you like that." I put my hand on his waist. "Don’t like someone messing with your territory?" "Exactly." A smile tugged at the uninjured corner of his mouth, but the shudder didn’t escape my notice. "I just don’t want someone hurting you." "Guess I’ll just have to be more careful who I piss off on the road." His eyes flicked towards the car, then he back to me. With a smile that didn’t extend beyond his mouth, he whispered, "Probably not a bad idea."

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Thirty Four Between the insurance, the tow, the police, and the rental car agency, I was exhausted by the time I parked in front of my apartment. It was after eleven, but may as well have been three or four in the morning. All I could think of was sleep. I wondered if Liam would be in the mood for anything, and quietly hoped that he wouldn’t be. As much as I wanted him, I just had nothing left tonight. Fortunately, as we walked up to my apartment in silence, I got the impression he wasn’t feeling it either. He kept his eyes down, one hand in his pocket as the other carried his helmet. We both took the stairs slowly, almost sluggishly. When we got to my door, he put his hand between my shoulders while I dug my keys out of my pocket. "Tired?" he asked. "Doesn’t even begin to describe it," I said. "Fuck, what a day." "Amazing how much it can take out of you." "You’re right about that. This is about the same amount of bullshit as a fucking car accident." I opened the door. Smirking I added, "Minus the painkillers." He laughed half-heartedly. "At least you don’t have the pain to go with it." "I still wouldn’t mind some of the painkillers." I met his eyes and we both managed a laugh with a little more enthusiasm. Draping my jacket over a chair, I said, "Speaking of which, how is your lip?" He gingerly touched the cut and the angry bruise that 182

covered one side of his jaw. "It’s not going to heal overnight, but it doesn’t hurt as much anymore." "It looks better. How about the bruise?" "That still hurts," he said, grimacing. He moved his jaw from side to side. "At least my jaw works again. Could barely move it yesterday." I was half-tempted to make a smartass comment about his mouth being back in commission, but I didn’t even have the energy for that. I let out a breath. "It’s been a hell of a week for both of us, hasn’t it?" He laughed dryly. "Yeah. Maybe we should have taken that trip this weekend, when we needed to unwind." "No kidding. Any more crap like today, I’ll be throwing you in the car and heading for the border, because I am done." He took his jacket off. "I hear that." I rubbed the back of my neck as fatigue weighed me down more and more with each passing second. "I can’t promise I’ll be great company tonight." "Don’t worry about it. You’ve had a long night." "No shit." I closed my eyes and kept rubbing my neck. "I swear to God, I could sleep for a month." "Yeah, me too." His hands gently pushed mine aside and he kneaded my neck and shoulders. "Want to just call it a night?" I nodded slowly. "You don’t mind?" "Not in the least," he said, still rubbing my shoulders. "I’m exhausted." "But you can keep doing that if you want to." I groaned softly. "Jesus, that feels good." "Why don’t you sit, then?" He released my shoulders and gently nudged me towards the couch. "And take your shirt off." I gave him a playful glare. "This isn’t some trick to get me out of my clothes, is it?" He laughed and kissed me gently. "I don’t think either of us has the energy for that." "Got that right." I pulled my shirt off and dropped it on a chair. We sat on the couch and I rested my forehead on my hands as his fingers worked their magic on knots I didn’t 183

even know existed. He didn’t press hard, didn’t dig in painfully; it was just enough gentle, but firm pressure to keep my attention on his touch, letting the rest of the world dissolve into irrelevance. I don’t know how long we sat like that. I may have even drifted off a few times, so relaxing was his touch. My muscles seemed to melt at his fingertips and I wondered a few times if my spine would be next. His hands went to my shoulders, then gently pulled me back against him as he wrapped his arms around me. I put my hand over his and rested my head on his shoulder. For the longest time, we just sat like that, neither speaking as my thumb absently drifted back and forth across the back of his hand. He kissed the side of my forehead. "I’m going to fall asleep like this," he murmured. "I could think of worse things." His stubble brushed my skin as he smiled. "Just might be more comfortable in bed." "I like this, though." "So do I," he said. "That’s what I meant. This might be more comfortable in bed." "Hmm, good point." And he was absolutely right. Being in his arms on the couch was comfortable. In bed, it was perfect. So perfect, in fact, that as soon as my head landed on his shoulder, I could barely keep my eyes open. "My God, I am beat tonight." He rubbed his eyes. I yawned. "Me too." He gently raised my chin and kissed me. "Here’s hoping tomorrow isn’t quite so full of bullshit." I laughed and ran my fingers through his hair. "Here’s hoping." He kissed me again, his lips taut with a hint of a smile just before they relaxed into his brief, gentle kiss. It was only when our lips separated that I realized how brief that kiss wasn’t. He didn’t pull away. Neither did I. His breath warmed my skin, sending a shiver down my spine, and I kissed him again. As much as I wanted sleep, his kiss seemed to grant me all the things I needed even more: Reassurance. 184

Stability. Something right in a world that had otherwise lost its mind. The kiss deepened and as his tongue met mine, my exhaustion was forgotten. As he wrapped his arms around me and rolled me onto my back, his touch ignited some hidden reserve of hunger that transcended my body’s thirst for sleep. On the couch, his gentle touch had nearly lulled me into a trance. What he did now had the opposite effect. Nerves sparked to life and my every sense heightened in search of even the most minute taste of his presence. Sleep could wait. I was too alive for that now. Every kiss lingered, as did every gentle, desperate touch. Even the injuries to his lip and jaw couldn’t temper the passion in his kiss; though his movement was limited, the hunger was undeniable. Keeping my hand on his neck to avoid touching the bruise on his face, I held him closer. He kissed my jaw, then my neck, every touch of his lips lasting longer than the one before. Like never before, his hands were all over me: fingertips trailing lightly down my abs, slowly stroking my cock, drifting up my side. I couldn’t tell if he was exploring or memorizing or simply feeling, but he was in no hurry. I ran the pad of my thumb over one of his nipple piercings and he released a ragged breath against my lips. When I brought my other hand up to do the same, he moaned softly and lowered his head to kiss my neck, our stubbled jaws brushing audibly just before his lips touched my skin. Neither of us spoke, we just touched. His every breath made me gasp, my every shudder made him shiver. When he kissed me again, the warmth of his mouth damn near made me come. Without a word, he lifted himself off me and leaned away. He must have read my thoughts, because a second later, the sound of ripping foil sent a shiver down my spine. The light flicked on and I flinched, shielding my eyes for a second before they adjusted. When they did, he was over me again. "Should’ve warned you," he said, smiling. "I just didn’t want to fuck you in the dark." 185

I raised my head and kissed him. "As if you can’t find your way." "Of course I can," he whispered, pressing his cock against me. "But then I wouldn’t be able to see you." My voice caught in my throat and I couldn’t be sure if it was because of what he said, the way he looked at me, or just the breathtaking sensation of his cock sliding slowly into me. "Oh my God," I groaned, closing my eyes. I held his shoulders, just needing something to keep me grounded, to keep me here, because none of this seemed real. He gave me just a little at a time, moving slowly as if to make sure he’d meet no resistance. Then, he withdrew almost all the way and thrust back in. My back arched and my eyes closed, the whole world spinning around me as I tried to remember how to breathe. Just like the night we met, that first stroke took my breath away, overwhelming me into unmoving silence. But this time he didn’t ask if I was okay. He didn’t panic, certain he’d hurt me. He must have known I was just fine, and judging by the shuddering inhalation followed by a whispered "oh my God…", he was in the exact same state. When I opened my eyes, his were closed and his shoulders trembled in my hands. I touched his face and his eyes opened, meeting mine with a look of pure, unbridled need. He shifted his weight onto one arm and touched my face the same way, brushing his thumb over my cheekbone as his fingers followed the line of my jaw. I watched my thumb do the same, and when my fingers made it to the back of his neck, I drew him down to kiss me. If there was anything that could rival the intensity of that moment, it was the intimacy. Whether I dared say the words or not, I was, without a doubt, in love with him. He pushed himself up again and thrust harder. "Jesus Christ, I could never get tired of feeling you like this," he breathed. His face flushed and the cords on his neck stood out as his lips tightened and his eyes closed tightly. "Oh…God…" He gasped, then looked down at me. "Fuck, Jon, I can’t stop, I can’t…" His eyes rolled back and his back arched. "Fuck!" 186

For a moment, he was still, his eyes closed and his lips parted, his cock still twitching inside me. Then his arms quivered and he released a long breath as he sank down to me. He kissed me gently as he withdrew, one last shudder running through him just before he pulled out. He kissed me one more time, then moved away to get rid of the condom. His back was still turned to me when the lube bottle clicked open. "I hope you weren’t going to go to sleep yet," he whispered as he rolled over and faced me. "Not if you—" I gasped when the cool lube and his warm hand touched my cock. He closed his fingers around it and stroked slowly, his skin gliding easily across mine. "Not if I what?" he asked, a teasing lilt in his voice. "Not if you keep doing that." He stroked a little faster. "You like that?" I nodded, swallowing hard. There was no point in trying to speak, so I didn’t bother. I was lucky I could stay conscious with what he was doing. He kissed the side of my neck. "I know I’ve said this before," he whispered, raising his head. "But there is nothing in the world…" He squeezed just a little harder. "…that I love more than watching you come." I finally willed my mouth to work as my fingertips ran across his stubbled jaw. "There’s one thing I like even better, though." "Oh?" His eyebrows jumped. "And that is?" Lifting my head off the pillow, I kissed him and wrapped my arms around him. I let him take the lead and decide how deep to kiss me, but he didn’t hold back at all. His kiss was as hungry and desperate as mine, and drove me to the edge faster than his hand on my cock. With a gasp, I broke the kiss, closing my eyes as I groaned, "Oh God…" I was vaguely aware of his body shifting next to me, but didn’t care, because this felt too damned good. "Oh my God, I’m—" I gasped when his tongue circled the head of my cock, and a heartbeat later, I came. My back arched and my hips nearly levitated off the bed as he kept stroking and sucking me until I couldn’t take anymore. When my body finally relaxed, sinking to the bed with a shuddering sigh, he came up and kissed me, his tongue 187

salty-sweet from my orgasm. "That was incredible," I whispered against his lips. "I do the best I can," he said, laughing softly. He rolled onto his side, rubbing his jaw gingerly. I touched the other side of his face. "I didn’t hurt your jaw, did I?" He shook his head and grinned. "Smarts a little, but it was worth it." He kissed me before I could argue. "Trust me," he whispered. "It was well worth it." Propping his head up with one arm, he touched my face gently. "I hope this took the edge off of a shitty day." I grinned. "I had a shitty day?" "Hmm, no, not that I remember." He laughed. "I haven’t found much that isn’t cured by sex with you," I said. He laughed again, but this time his eyes didn’t quite back it up. "Anything I can do to help," he whispered, something unreadable flickering across his face. He watched his own fingers run down my cheek, over my jaw, and down my neck. "You okay?" He looked at me and smiled. "Yeah. Just thinking." "About?" His eyebrows pulled together and he opened his mouth to speak, but instead shook his head. "Nothing." He smiled half-heartedly and kissed me again. "I suppose we should call it a night?" My fatigue from earlier caught up with a vengeance, so I nodded. He kissed me one last time. As he reached for the lamp, he paused and looked at me. I couldn’t be sure in that fleeting moment before the room went dark, but his eyes didn’t reflect love, or lust, or anything that I would have expected after such an intimate experience. After the light went out and I rested my head on his shoulder in the darkness, I tried to work out what I’d seen in that unsettling expression. A chill prickled the hairs on the back of my neck as I realized that what I saw in his eyes was as unmistakable as it was puzzling, and it was neither love nor lust. It was fear. 188

Thirty Five When Liam came over the next night, he avoided my eyes on his way in the door. Much the same way Craig did when he showed up to tell me he was getting married, Liam seemed to shrink away from me when he walked past, keeping a few extra inches of distance instead of greeting me with a touch or a kiss. My stomach twisted itself into a knot. This was a little too familiar, but I hoped I was wrong. Remembering the odd look in his eyes before the lights went out the night before, something cold settled in my chest and prepared for the worst. Testing the water, I said, "Do I get a hello?" He looked up, forcing a smile. "Yeah, of course, sorry." He kissed me lightly. Briefly. Immediately dropped his gaze. Oh, déjà vu, it’s been a while. How are you, bitch? Without speaking, we went into the living room. He sat on the couch, chewing his thumbnail and letting something on my coffee table hold his attention. I joined him but left some space between us, leaving it up to him to close that distance. He made no move to cross the divide. In fact, when his eyes flicked towards me, I realized with a sinking feeling that, while I thought the gap was too wide, he seemed to think it was too narrow. He didn’t move away, but he didn’t look at me either. Steeling myself, I said, "What’s wrong?" He released a long breath and rubbed his eyes with his thumb and forefinger. "I think…" He trailed off, cursing under his breath and swallowing hard. 189

It didn’t take a rocket scientist to see where this was going. Well, at least he didn’t wait two years to do it. "Liam— "Jon, I’m sorry." He finally managed to look at me. "I need, I think, I need a little time to sort some things out." I exhaled. "If you think we shouldn’t see each other, just say so." "I’m not saying we shouldn’t see each other at all, I just…" The hand he ran through his hair was shaking. "I need some time. To think." "About?" "A lot of things." He exhaled heavily. "It’s not just about us—" "It’s not me, it’s you?" I raised an eyebrow. Closing his eyes, he sighed. "It’s not like that. Look, there’s no easy way to say it. There’s no way I can explain it without…" He chewed his thumbnail, avoiding my eyes. "Without what?" "Things are complicated, Jon," he said. "Maybe I shouldn’t have jumped into anything this soon after what happened with my ex. Should’ve let everything…" He paused again. "Settle." Something twisted in my gut. "Such as?" He exhaled. Finally, he looked me in the eye. "I don’t want to hurt you, Jon, but I need to take some time to figure a few things out on my own—in my life, in my head—before I can even think of letting myself get as involved with you as I—" He cut himself off, tightening his lips as if holding back emotions he didn’t want me to see. "Liam?" Dropping his gaze, he whispered, "Before I let this go the direction I think it’s heading." I furrowed my brow. "So, are you ending it, or not?" "I’m not—" He paused. "I’m not sure." "That leaves things a little ambiguous for me, don’t you think?" "I know." He nodded and closed his eyes again. "I know, and I’m sorry. I just, I don’t know what else to do. I don’t want to say this is over, but I can’t move forward with it—any of it—until I have some time to sort a few things out." What could I say to that? I shrugged, more out of 190

resignation than flippancy. "Whatever you need to do." I wasn’t prepared when he reached across the narrow distance between us and took my hand. The contact— unexpected, unsettling, and unbearable—lodged my breath in my throat. "Jon, I’m sorry. Like I said, I’m not saying this is a permanent thing. I’m not—" He stopped, drawing and releasing a long, ragged breath. "Hell, I don’t know what it is. I need some time to…" He trailed off, shaking his head. "I just need some time." I nodded, hoping he thought I understood. He squeezed my hand, but there was little comfort to be found in that gesture. A final touch before he walked out. A reminder of what was about to be gone. Avoiding his eyes, I gently withdrew my hand. If I’m going to detach myself from this, better to just do it now. "Whatever you need to do," I said. "I’ll be here." Looking me in the eye, he managed a tight-lipped smile. I couldn’t even begin to read his expression. The clenched jaw could have been discomfort in an awkward situation, or it might have had something to do with the trembling in his hands. The creases between his eyebrows may have been uncertainty or concern. I looked down at my own wringing hands before I started reading too much into the extra shine that my wishful thinking had probably superimposed into his eyes. "Jon, I’m sorry, I—" "I know," I said quickly. Too quickly. I cleared my throat. "Look, whatever you need to do. If you want to go, I’m not going to stop you." We sat in silence. I didn’t know what else to say. He didn’t volunteer another apology or explanation. After a while, he took a breath, then released it slowly. "I should probably go." But when will you be back? I didn’t speak, nor did I look at him, as we stood and headed for the door. We paused in the open doorway, an arm’s length or so between us, and I chanced a look at him. As the silence dragged on, I thought for a moment that he might hug me or—worse—kiss me goodbye. Mercifully, he didn’t; the only thing keeping me 191

together at that point was the fact that he hadn’t kissed me. The touch of his hand on the couch had been more than enough. More than ever, I wanted to tell him I loved him, but I bit my tongue so hard I almost drew blood. If he needed to sort things out on his own, he didn’t need me to complicate things. And if I said it, it would be real, and it would be that much harder to let him go. Finally, he dropped his gaze and we exchanged whispered goodbyes. I watched him walk down the hall with his hands in his pockets and shoulders bunched with tension. I wondered if that tension would shake itself free once he was out of sight, once he was safely away from me and could at last draw a comfortable breath. Maybe this was the hardest part for him, and now he was home free, while I would likely be up all night trying to get my head around how he’d gone from the Liam in my bed last night to the Liam that suddenly needed some 'time'. He disappeared around the corner at the end of the hall and I wondered just how much time he planned to take.

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Thirty Six Craig’s number came up on my caller ID and I seriously considered letting it go to voicemail. It had only been twenty-four hours since Liam left, and the last person I wanted to deal with now was Craig. But, his company was better than no company when the silence reminded me too much of someone who wasn’t here. Closing my eyes and taking a deep breath, I flipped my phone open. "What’s up?" "You busy?" he asked. "Not at the moment." "Mind if I come by?" I sighed. "Sure, why not?" About twenty minutes after we hung up, Craig was at my door. "Coffee?" I asked as we went into the kitchen. "No thanks." He leaned against the counter as I poured myself a cup. "So what’s new?" I asked. He shrugged. "Nothing, really. Just thought I’d stop by before I headed home." "Problems with the missus?" He laughed, but his eyes didn’t back it up. "Not really. Just…" He scratched his neck. "Just don’t feel like going home and dealing with wedding crap." "Craig, you know I can’t be your hideout from the wife forever." Another shrug and half-hearted laugh. "I know. But I hope you don’t mind it once in a while." 193

I sipped my coffee. "She already thinks I’m trying to win you back." "And she doesn’t know I’m here." My chest tightened. Somehow that comment didn’t grant me a whole lot of comfort. "So anyway, you’re not out with your new man tonight?" His smile seemed forced, like he wanted me to think he was amused but was anything but. Oh Jesus, do we have to go there? I folded my arms across my chest and leaned against the counter. "We’re…" I chewed my lip. "We’re not exactly together anymore." He raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean ‘not exactly’?" Scratching the back of my neck, I shrugged and avoided his eyes. "I don’t even know. Taking some time off, figuring out what the hell is going on, taking a break." I shrugged again. "He needed some time, so I gave it to him and—" I paused, exhaling heavily. "I really don’t want to talk about it." "Okay, we won’t." Craig was silent for a long moment. When I looked at him, he’d pursed his lips and was staring into the middle distance, eyebrows pulled together as if he was deep in thought. Finally he said, "Jon, I’m making a huge mistake." I furrowed my brow. "With what?" "With the wedding." As much as I hated to hear that he was having problems with Rebecca, I couldn’t deny that I was glad for a subject change. At least we weren’t discussing Liam. Shifting my weight, I cocked my head. "So, are you thinking of postponing it, then? Or what?" He set his jaw and looked me in the eye. "I’m thinking of calling it off." I blinked. "Wow, that’s…" I shook my head. "What happened? I mean, are you—" "What happened," he paused, swallowing hard. "Is that I never should have left you, Jon." Just like when he’d asked me to be his best man, the words knocked the air out of my lungs. "What?" He ran a hand through his hair. "I don’t even know why I did, but it was a huge mistake. And I—" He shook his 194

head, grimacing as if it hurt to speak. "It took seeing you with someone else to realize that the only place I want to be is here. With you." I finally managed to exhale. "Are you—" I shook my head as if it would clear away the confusion. "Are you asking me to take you back?" He didn’t hesitate. "Yes." "Craig, this is insane," I said. "You’re engaged. You said yourself you knew she was the right one for you. What do—" "I was wrong," he said sharply. He dropped his gaze. "I realized it a while ago, but by that point, you were with…" He scowled. "With him." "He has a name, you know." He wetted his lips and said, "You were with Liam." "So if you knew you didn’t want to be with Rebecca, why didn’t you call it off before? Were you just going to keep leading her on, fucking marry her knowing—" "It’s not that I don’t want to be with her," he said. "It’s the fact that I do want to be with you. I love her and I always will, but Jon…" His voice dropped to almost a whisper. "I’m not in love with her like I am with you." My heart fell into my feet. "You would leave her," I said. "Call off your wedding, leave Rebecca, and come back to me?" He nodded. "Absolutely. In a heartbeat." He touched my arm. "Jon, walking out on you was the biggest mistake I’ve ever made. I’ll do whatever I have to do to make it up to you. Please, just give me another chance." "But, what about her?" He chewed his lip. "Like I said, I love her. But, I can’t go through with it. It’s going to hurt her, I know, but in the long run…" I swallowed hard, looking at his hand on my arm, at his pleading eyes, at the floor. A lifetime ago, I would have taken him back without hesitation. But things were different now, weren’t they? For reasons I couldn't comprehend, there was a very good possibility that I was losing Liam. As much as it hurt, I couldn’t allow myself to cling to the hope that he’d come back. That wasn’t reason enough to take Craig back, though. 195

In fact, the glimmer of hope that Liam would come back had nothing to do with my hesitation with Craig. I realized that, at some point, my need to be with Craig was simply to avoid my fear of not being with Craig. My fear of being alone. Now I was alone again, with the opportunity to have what I thought I wanted, but I couldn’t. I couldn't be with Craig now that I knew what it was like to love someone after him. To love someone more than him. He deserved more than second place. He deserved to be more than the man I was with because the man I wanted was gone. And I deserved a man who realized he loved me because of me, not because he saw me with another man and got jealous. A long time ago, this was what I’d wanted more than anything. Now I realized that Craig and I both deserved better than each other. I took a deep breath and looked him in the eye. "No." He blinked. "What?" "No. I can’t do it." His shoulders dropped. "So you really think he’s coming back, then?" I rolled my eyes. Of course. Clearly, if I’m rejecting you, it’s because I know I have a fighting chance with someone else. "Whether or not Liam is coming back has nothing to do with this. I can’t be with you. I can’t do it." "But, I thought you wanted—" "That was before I did what you told me to do and moved on," I said. "And, Christ, what about Rebecca? You really want me to say, ‘yeah, go home and break her heart, then come on back’?" "It’s over with her either way," he said. "This is about you and me." "And there isn’t a you and me anymore." "There can be." "Craig, you left—" "I told you, it was a mistake, I never should—" "But you did. You left, you begged me to move on and get over you, and now that I have, you want me to come back." "So you’re just going to hold it against me forever?" "No." I took a breath. "I forgave you for it a long time 196

ago. I’m not holding anything against you." "Then—" "But that doesn’t mean I can be with you, Craig. I’m sorry." I shrugged apologetically. "I still love you, but you wanted me to move on, and I did. There’s no going back now." "Jon—" "Craig, you’re about to marry Rebecca. You asked me to be your best man. You’re—" "And you are the best man, Jon," he said. "I should have known from the beginning that you’re the best man for me." "And I thought from the beginning that you were the best man for me," I said. "But that was only because I hadn’t met him yet." He flinched and tightened his lips. "Craig, I’m sorry," I said, my voice gentler now. It killed me to hurt him like this, but it had to be done. "I just, I can’t. I’m sorry." "So am I," he said. "Christ, I can’t believe I ever let you go." I wetted my lips. "It’s done, though." "I know," he whispered. After a long pause, he went on. "I have to confess something." "You already have, haven’t you?" He swallowed. "There’s more. Do you remember that night I came here, after Rebecca and I had a fight? When I came on to you?" "Yes, I do," I said, trying to keep my voice even. He ran a hand through his hair and exhaled heavily. "It wasn’t the alcohol that did it. The alcohol had nothing to do with it." I gritted my teeth. "What do you mean?" "I wasn’t drinking to calm down after fighting with Rebecca, I was drinking to forget you. The fight was about you—" "What about me?" "She was suspicious of you. Of us. I guess she thought you were trying to get me to come back." I folded my arms across my chest. "I don’t suppose you gave her any reason to think that you were cheating on 197

her, did you?" He raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean? She knew you weren’t over me—" "Really? So her worries had nothing at all to do with the fact that you’re awfully familiar with the staffing at Wilde’s? How long have you been going there, anyway, Craig? Since you started seeing her?" I narrowed my eyes. "Or longer?" He flinched. "I never cheated on you, Jon." So you say. "What about her? Did you cheat on her?" He avoided my eyes and quickly changed the subject. "Look, the night she and I fought, she thought I wasn’t over you, and damn it, she’s right." "What?" I was suddenly furious. "You left me, Craig. What was there for you to get—" "And you thought it was easy?" "It sure as shit looked easy from here." "It wasn’t." "But you did it anyway. You moved on, you found someone else, and you asked her to marry you. Don’t give me this bullshit that—" "It’s not bullshit, Jon." His voice faltered. "She knew it before I did, and she’s exactly right. I’m not over you, I’m—" "Then might I suggest getting over me?" I said, my tone icy. "And answer my fucking question." "What question?" "Don’t play stupid. You know which question. Have you cheated on her or not?" "It’s none of your fucking business," he snarled. "It is if you think I’d even consider taking you back," I threw back. "You can’t be honest with her, why should I believe you’ll be—" "Yes, I cheated on her." He put his hands up. "I fucking cheated on her. Happy?" I laughed bitterly. "Oh, isn’t that ironic? All along she’s been worried about me, and I’m probably the only man in town you haven’t fucked since you—" "What do you want me to do? I like men, I like women, I—" "Don’t even feed me that bullshit," I said. "It has nothing to do with being bisexual. I like men, yet I manage 198

to keep my cock out of every man except the one I’m dating." He rolled his eyes. "You don’t understand—" "Yeah, I don’t understand how you can put on the face of the devoted fiancé to her, the prodigal ex-boyfriend to me, and still pretend you’re within your rights to cheat." "That’s enough," he snapped. "Yeah, it is," I said. "Get out." He blinked. "What? You’re going to throw me out because I told you what I know you’ve wanted to hear all along?" "You told me a hell of a lot more than I ever wanted to hear," I said. "I wanted you back, I wanted to get back together, but that’s in the past. Before I met Liam, and before I knew that you cheated on Rebecca." I nodded towards the door. "I’d rather not hear anymore." "Jon—" "You know what?" I put my hands up. "You were absolutely right when you said I needed to get over you, and I’m glad I did. Pity you didn’t give me this little speech that night instead of tonight. You probably would have had a shot, and I’d probably have no clue what a self-centered, self-righteous bastard you are." "Jon—" "Get. Out. Of. My. House." He glared at me, then stormed out of the kitchen. I followed, and for the first time, felt absolutely nothing at the sight of his back. I could barely believe there was ever a time I had to keep myself from begging him to stay. That there was ever a time I did beg him to stay. This was the man I couldn’t live without? He paused partway through the door, taking a breath as if he was about to give some dramatic parting words as he always did. I folded my arms across my chest and waited. "I don’t think I’ll need you as my best man." He looked at me, his expression pitifully pained, waiting for me to respond somehow. Leaning casually against the doorframe, I simply said, "Likewise."

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Thirty Seven A knock at the door startled me. I lowered my book and glanced at the clock. It was almost ten on a Wednesday night and I certainly wasn’t expecting anyone. "Who is it?" I called, eyeing the door warily, doublechecking from a distance that the deadbolt and chain were in place. "It’s Liam." Before he’d even finished saying his name, I was off the couch and halfway to the door. I wondered how I’d missed the sound of his motorcycle pulling into the parking lot; I could usually hear that thing from a block away. My heart pounding, I turned the deadbolt and unhooked the chain. When I opened the door, he met my eyes, then quickly dropped his gaze. "Hey," I said. His eyes darted to one side, looking down the hall in the direction he’d just come, then he cleared his throat. "Can I come in?" I nodded and stepped aside, my stomach doing flips as I took in his appearance, which was even more surprising than his arrival: He was pale. No, not pale. White. Blanched. His pallor contrasted sharply with the fading bruise beside his mouth, each dramatic color emphasizing the other. He still wore his tux shirt from work, the cuffs hanging loose around his wrists and the lower halves of the sleeves rippled as if they’d been rolled up most of the day. The familiar bowtie and cummerbund were gone, his collar unbuttoned and his shirt untucked. 200

Just above the back of his collar, his hair looked damp with sweat, and the low light in the room caught a few beads of perspiration that dotted his forehead. I sat on the armrest of the sofa and watched him, as baffled by his appearance as his very presence. He wrung his hands and walked across the living room. Probably pacing as he always did when he was nervous. He paused to glance out the window, something seeming to catch his eye in the parking lot below before he turned and faced me. And stopped. Didn’t pace. Just stood, still wringing his hands, but otherwise unmoving. I raised my eyebrows. "Liam, what’s wrong?" My voice seemed to startle him, as if he’d either forgotten I was there or just hadn’t expected me to say anything. He glanced over his shoulder, out the window again, then looked at me. "Sorry I didn’t call first," he said quietly. I waved it away. "It’s okay. You’re here. What’s up?" He took a couple of long breaths, hesitating like he was trying to find the right words. When the words came, they came fast. "Look, I’m just gonna cut right to the chase. No point in beating around the bush." The more he said, the faster he spoke and the more his hands shook. "I really had a great time being with you, we had a lot of fun, everything about it—" "But you’re calling it off." Something sank deep in the pit of my stomach. When he avoided my eyes and nodded, it sank deeper. "Travis and I…" He trailed off, closing his eyes and tightening his jaw. And deeper still, it sank. "You’re back together with him?" He nodded and exhaled heavily. "I’m sorry, Jon, I—" "I’m sure you are," I snapped, hoping the ice in my voice masked how much this hurt. Go ahead and leave, but I won’t give you the satisfaction of seeing me hurt if that’s what you want. He flinched, but said nothing. My anger grew as the silence lingered. He’d said his piece, so was he waiting for me to say something? Was I supposed to wish him well on his way, tell him we’ll always 201

be friends, and give my regards to Travis? Through clenched teeth, I said, "So is this the part where you tell me we’ll still be friends and all of that bullshit?" The shakiness in my voice killed the effect of the sarcasm. "No," he said simply, staring at the floor and shaking his head. I blinked. "Then what else is there?" "Nothing." He sniffed sharply and ran an unsteady hand through his hair. "Nothing. There’s nothing else." Then he shrugged, the gesture not coming across nearly as flippantly as I think he intended. I rose. "Then why are you still here?" His lips tightened. At first I thought it was an angry scowl, but then I realized that he was trying to keep from trembling. I swallowed hard. He was leaving me, why was he getting emotional? I’m the one who’s supposed to be hurting. You’ve got a man. You’re choosing this, not me. He opened his mouth as if to speak, then wetted his lips, released a breath, and headed for the door. I followed, unsure if I wanted to beg him to stay or tell him not to let the door hit him. On his way out, he paused in the doorway. I instantly had a sense of déjà vu from the day Craig asked me to be his best man, when he’d paused the same way before telling me to promise him that I would make myself happy. A promise I tried to fulfill by way of my relationship with Liam—Oh, irony, you are such a bitch. I watched him, waiting for him to either say what was on his mind or leave. Tell me to make myself happy, Liam, I fucking dare you. Finally, he looked at me, and it was then that I noticed the hint of red around his pale green eyes. Barely whispering, he said, "Trust me, it’s better this way." And he was gone. I listened until I could no longer hear his footsteps down the hall, then closed the door and convinced my numb legs carry me back to the couch. I sank onto the cushions, absently picking up my book as if my body somehow thought that returning to what I was doing earlier could negate everything that had just happened. 202

In the parking lot below, a car door slammed and an engine purred to life. I thought the roar of his motorcycle would hurt, but the nearly inaudible sound of the car was like a knife in the gut. Had your man bring you to dump me. How classy. The engine faded into the night and the cold silence of life uninterrupted returned. The clock on the DVD player said that less than ten minutes had passed since Liam first knocked. Over and over I replayed that brief encounter, trying to make heads or tails of it. I knew he’d needed time to think, that he’d acted strangely the night my car was vandalized, but going back to Travis? That came out of left field. He’d been known to act strangely, but I’d never seen him so agitated. Shaking, sweating, pale. He was nervous, but didn’t pace like he sometimes did. Aside from walking to the window to look outside, he’d stayed in the same place the entire time. It was as if he could barely move. Try as I might, I couldn’t make any of it add up. But it didn’t have to make sense. Logical or not, rational or not, it was. That was all that mattered. I was here, Liam was gone, and it didn’t matter why.

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Thirty Eight I barely slept that night. The next day, the only thing I could think about at work was Liam. As the hours passed, though, I thought less about the fact that he’d left and more about how he’d left. It hurt to know that he was gone, but the confusion was even worse. I’d never seen him that nervous before. Or that pale. In my mind, I relived the conversation again, this time with the sound turned off. Glancing out the window. Sweat darkening the ends of his hair and beading on his forehead. Wringing his hands. Not pacing. The flippant shrug that was anything but. The way he looked at me when he said it was better this way. I shivered. He didn’t just look nervous. Just like he did that night my tires were slashed, just before he turned off the light to go to sleep, he looked downright terrified. Of what? Of me? Something wasn’t adding up. "Travis and I…" My blood ran cold. ~*~ Liam’s bike was parked outside of Wilde’s that night. I chewed my lip as I got out of my car, wondering if this was such a good idea. He’d made it clear that whatever we’d had was over, that he was with Travis now and it was better this way, but I needed to know. When I walked into the club, I didn’t see him at first, but as I took a seat at the bar, he came out from the back. His eyes were down, his shoulders bunched with tension. 204

One of the other bartenders said something to him and he responded with little more than a half-nod and maybe one or two words. Liam knelt and reached under the bar, rifling around for something. When he found what he was looking for and stood, he glanced in my direction and did a double take, eyes widening and spine straightening. The stunned expression immediately darkened to one of anger. He said something to the other bartender, who cast a glance in my direction and nodded. Without stopping to tend to any of the customers along the way, Liam came straight to me. He rested his hands on the bar and said in a low growl, "What the fuck are you doing here?" This icy reception immediately set my teeth on edge. You come into my house and give me the boot, then get pissed when I show up here? "Wilde’s is open to the public, isn’t it?" He glanced past me, then looked at me and shifted his weight. "Cut the crap, Jon. Why are you here?" I let out a breath, trying to keep my tone even. "Because I think we need to talk. About last night." "No, we don’t. There’s nothing left to talk about." "I think there is." "Jon, it’s over," he snapped. "Do us both a favor and accept it." "I can accept it if it’s over, but what I can’t accept is why you were in my apartment looking like you were scared out of your—" "Oh for fuck’s sake, that’s bullshit." "Is it? Hell, you didn’t even pace—" "I pace when I’m nervous." "Exactly my point." "Maybe, just maybe, I wasn’t nervous." "Bullshit you weren’t. Liam, you were shaking." He avoided my eyes and shifted his weight, glancing past me again before his eyes darted to the bar. "Look, I wasn’t nervous, but I didn’t exactly want to be there, either. I just wanted to get it done and over with and get the fuck out of there. It needed to be done, but that doesn’t mean I enjoyed it." 205

"Yeah, I could tell. But the way you were acting was completely out of character—" "Why? Because I’d never walked out on you before?" He laughed. "Get over yourself, Jon. Just because you’d never seen me leave—" "I have seen you leave," I snapped. "That wasn’t the first time you’ve walked out." He leaned across the bar, narrowing his eyes and tightening his jaw. "No, but it is the last time. I’m sorry if you can’t accept it, but it’s over. I’m back with Travis, and—" "Are you happy with him?" His lips thinned. "Of course I am. Why would I stay with him if I wasn’t?" "You tell me." "I did. I told you it was over and that I’m with Travis." "Yeah, pity your body language didn’t back it up." He rolled his eyes. "You were seeing what you wanted to see, Jon." He looked me in the eye, the intensity of his glare nearly sending me backwards. "It’s over. I’m with Travis. Get over it, and get the fuck out of here before I have you thrown out." If I was confused the night before, I was even more so now. Last night, he was shaking like a leaf. Tonight, he was as angry as I should have been with him. "Liam—" "Jesus, Jon, how much clearer can I make it?" He pushed himself back from the bar. "Do us both a favor and don’t come back here again." With that, he looked past me and beckoned sharply to someone, then nodded towards me and walked away without giving me a second look. A second later, a hand grabbed my arm. I looked up to see Casey. "Looks like you’re out of here," he said. I couldn’t be sure, but I swore he sounded apologetic. I nodded. "You don’t have to throw me out. I’ll go." He glanced away—probably at Liam—then released my arm. His looming presence stayed behind me as I headed through the crowd towards the door. On the way out, another patron in a dimly lit booth looked at me over his drink. He ran a hand through his unruly blond hair and kept his narrowed eyes on me as I walked past. 206

A memory flickered through my mind of watching the bouncers throw someone out, and I realized it was the same guy. I do not want to see your fucking face in this place again, I remembered Liam’s boss shouting after him. Apparently such a banning wasn’t permanent, even in a place like Wilde’s. Great, maybe in a few months I can come back and see what else this meat market has to offer. As I stepped out into the cool evening air, Casey followed. When the door banged shut behind us, he said, "Jon, I don’t want to, but I have to tell you this. If you come back—" I put my hand up and nodded. "You’ll call the cops. I get it." "Sorry, man," he said. "The bartenders get a lot of harassment as it is. We have to be strict about it." "I’m not here to harass him. I just wanted to talk, we talked, and I’m leaving. You won’t see me here again." He sighed and reached for the door. Shaking his head, he said, "That’s really too bad." And he was gone. I stared at the door for a moment, not sure how to take that. Then I went to my car and left. Gripping the steering wheel with whitening knuckles, I ground my teeth and tried to make sense of it all. I was more confused than ever, just as I had been when Craig left. Though I couldn’t make sense of Liam’s bizarre attitude last night and tonight, it was what it was. It was over. As I pulled into my apartment parking lot, I realized that no amount of trying to rationalize or read between the lines would change that bottom line, so I might as well not even bother trying to figure it out. And I would be damned if I spent six months trying to get over Liam like I did Craig.

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Thirty Nine On Saturday afternoon, I dropped the box unceremoniously in the passenger seat of my car and nudged the door shut with my hip. Liam had left a jacket and a few other things in my apartment, and I couldn’t deal with their presence anymore. I’d held onto some of Craig’s stuff for months, hoping it would give him an excuse to come by. Not this time. I’d wasted enough time getting over Craig, I was going to do everything in my power to expedite the process this time around. In fact, the last of Craig’s crap was in the backseat, too. If this was a day for exorcising demons, then I was going to get all of them. On the way to Wilde’s, I debated going out to another club after I was finished with my deliveries to Liam and Craig. Maybe I could actually pull off the "one night" part of a one night stand. Have some fun, then move on without getting so involved. I was more than content to stay single for a while, but a night of hot, sweaty, meaningless sex sounded like heaven. I parked and walked into the club with the box. Casey saw me and stepped in front of the door. "Jon, you know I can’t—" "I’m not going in," I said. He blinked. "Then what—" He looked at the box in my hand. "I’m just dropping something off," I said. "Would you mind giving this to Liam?" He eyed the box, then shrugged. "Sure, no problem." I handed it to him and walked away, relieved of the weight of Liam’s presence in my life. 208

With my hands in my pockets, I headed back to the car, counting my regrets and silently wishing Liam a nice life. On to Craig’s. "Jon, wait!" Liam’s voice stopped my feet on the pavement and my breath in my throat. Gritting my teeth, I turned around to see him sprinting across the parking lot just like the other bartender he’d sent after me a lifetime ago. My heart wanted to skip at the sight of him, but I refused to allow myself anything but anger at his presence. "Jon," he said, stopping a few feet short of me. "We need to talk." I tried to keep my expression neutral, but some of the pent-up anger came through in my voice. "What else is there to talk about?" In a low voice, he said, "I need to explain a few things." "You said there was nothing else to say." "I know," he paused, chewing his lip. "But there is. There’s more." I rolled my eyes. "Do I need to know exactly why you’d rather be with him than me? Because quite honestly, I don’t fucking care." He dropped his gaze. "Look, I know you’re pissed, and I don’t blame you at all, but—" He cast a sweeping glance around the parking lot, then looked at me. "There are some things I need you to know." "For your benefit or mine?" I growled. His gaze swept around the parking lot again, eyes flicking twice towards the club’s front door as he shifted his weight. When he met my eyes again, the look on his face was… haunted. Something flipped in my stomach when he said, "Jon, please." I chewed the inside of my cheek. "Fine." Shifting his weight, he said, "Can we take it inside?" "Oh why the fuck not?" I muttered. I followed him around to the back of the club, biting back the temptation to point out that this was all déjà vu. We again went through the door marked Employees Only, and were again in that tiny, silent hallway. He went to close one door. I closed the other, silently 209

daring him to even try to touch me when I faced him again. But he didn’t. He leaned against the door he’d just closed. I folded my arms across my chest and leaned on the opposite wall. After a moment, he pushed himself off the door and paced, staring at the floor between us. "I made a huge mistake." This conversation was already sounding entirely too familiar. I gritted my teeth. "Let me guess," I said, bitterness seeping into my tone. "He left you again? Going back to your placeholder until he comes back?" He flinched, but still didn’t look at me. "When you came in last night, you were right. About how I was the night I told you it was over." That gave me pause. "What do you mean?" He swallowed hard and hesitated, as if it hurt to think about it, let alone say it. "Travis didn’t leave me, Jon. He never did." "So, what? You were cheat—" "I kicked him out." He raised his eyes to meet mine. "Before I met you. He didn’t leave me, I threw him out." I cocked my head, shifting my weight slightly. "Okay…" He lowered his gaze again. "I threw him out after he quite literally threw me out one night." My jaw dropped. "He— what?" "About six months ago. We had a fight that ended in the stairwell. Four broken ribs and a concussion later, I decided I’d had enough. It just took me a few months to actually get the balls to follow through with it." A memory of a passionate moment on that very stairwell gave me chills. "Then," I said, my mouth suddenly dry. "Why did you go back to him?" Looking me straight in the eye, he said, "To protect you." The hairs on the back of my neck stood on end. "What? Protect me?" "From Travis." I suppressed a shiver. "Why would you need to protect me from your ex?" He ran a shaking hand through his hair. "Because he’s 210

been stalking me—both of us—ever since we started dating." The wall behind me was the only thing that kept me standing at that point. "What are you talking about?" He took a deep breath. "The night you came here, after the first time we slept together, he was here." He swallowed hard. "That’s why I gave you the cold shoulder when you came in. I was thrilled to see you, but I didn’t want him to…" He trailed off, then took another breath. "I didn’t want him to know that I knew you, let alone that I wanted you." "That’s why you sent the other bartender after me," I whispered. He nodded. "I wasn’t about to leave the club until I knew he was gone, so I waited until they kicked him out. He’s not stupid enough to do anything in a place like this, especially not with the bouncers right there. My boss wanted to call the cops, but I told him not to. I was afraid it would just get worse." He gestured dismissively. "So I waited until they got him out of there, then came to find you." That night replayed in my mind, several pieces falling together and making me shudder. "The bandage on your wrist—" "Was from him," he said in a resigned tone. "And this—" He pointed at the mostly-healed cut on the corner of his mouth. "It wasn’t from a bar brawl. There hasn’t been a fight in this place in months." He let out a ragged breath. "Travis showed up here that night. We got into it in the parking lot and…" He gestured at the cut again. "And the other night?" He swallowed hard. "He was here. He’s always here in the evenings if I’m working." Shifting nervously, he glanced at his watch. "Still another hour or so yet, but he’ll be here tonight too." I rubbed my eyes, trying to comprehend it all. "And all of this was after you kicked him out?" "Well, yeah, he didn’t have to stalk me when I was with him." He laughed bitterly. "When I’m under his thumb, he’s happy. He’s been trying to get me back under it ever since I kicked him out." "And so you got back under it?" I said. He sighed heavily. "I thought I’d left him for good this 211

time. I thought I could deal with the stalking, the confrontations. He roughed me up once in a while, followed me all over the place, but I thought he’d eventually get tired of it." His jaw tightened and he looked up at the ceiling, as if the floor’s scrutiny was now as unbearable as mine. "You don’t know how much it hurt to walk away from you the other night." "Then why did you? Why not—" "I thought he was just fucking with me." He closed his eyes. "I mean, he’d follow me. He’d follow us." With what seemed a great deal of effort, he looked at me. "But when he fucked with your car at your work, and then you told me about the accident…" He paused, taking a deep breath. "I was afraid he would hurt you." "So you," I paused, shaking my head in disbelief. "So you went back to him? After everything he’s done?" He swallowed hard. "Yes. I confronted him about it— the accident, the slashed tires—and…" He shivered and shook his head, then ran a hand through his hair. "Jon, if I had known it would come down to this, I would have told you in the beginning. I guess I hoped he would get the message and move on. I would have told you all of this the other night, but he was here. And I would have told you at your apartment the other night, but he was also there. With me." My blood turned to ice as I remembered the car in the parking lot. "You brought him to my apartment?" "No," he said. "He brought me." He bit his lip, avoiding my eyes again. "And the whole time I was in your apartment, I didn’t know if he was waiting in the car or—" He paused, taking a breath. "Or waiting right outside your door. And he told me that either I went upstairs and told you it was over or…" My heart pounded. I couldn’t tell if I was angry, terrified, devastated, or a mix of all three. I wetted my lips. "So he told you to come up and tell me, or what?" He tightened his arms across his chest, evidently trying—unsuccessfully—to still the shaking in his hands. "Or he was going to tell you for me." A sick feeling twisted in my gut. "Why didn’t you say something? Tell me, give —" "And what?" he snapped. "Keep going like nothing 212

ever happened and just wait for him to hurt you?" He took a breath. "I’ve put up with his shit for a long time, but I’ll be damned if I was going to let him hurt you. He’s already made it clear that that’s not beneath him, and I know what he’s capable of." "This is insane." I rubbed my eyes. Anger mingled with the unsettled, vulnerable feeling of paranoia, my heart pounding as I wondered how long I’d been in how much danger. "It is. And I’m sorry I got you involved in it. If I had known he’d even think of laying a hand on you, I never would have put you in this situation." His voice shook as badly as his hands. "I couldn’t sit back and let you get hurt because of someone I dragged into your life." His voice dropped, as did his gaze. "Even if it meant I had to hurt you myself." I could barely breathe. Closing my eyes, I let my head fall against the wall, just trying to comprehend everything he’d said. I came to the club to exorcise him from my life, to get started getting over him, and now this? "Jon, I swear to God, this is all true," he said, barely whispering. "I know it all sounds insane, but, it’s true. I just…" His voice was unsteady. "I needed you to know why I left. And that I’m sorry. It killed me to walk away from you the other night, knowing I’d hurt you like that, but I didn’t have a choice." "So what are you going to do now?" I asked. "Just stay with him until the next time he throws you down a flight of stairs?" Liam shuddered, but said nothing. After a while, he let out a breath, his shoulders sagging slightly. "That’s all I wanted to tell you. I just wanted you to know the truth." For a long time, we were both silent. If he was lying, he was a damned good actor. But I didn’t think he was lying. As my mind replayed everything from the beginning, it all made perfect sense: The bruises. The cut on his lip. The slashed tires. The way he shuddered at the mention of his ex. It wasn’t a lie. He wasn’t weaving some elaborate tale to manipulate me into forgiving him and taking him back. More than that, I realized he wasn’t trying to win me 213

back at all. He’d made no effort to convince me to take him back. He didn’t want a second chance. If anything, he simply wanted me to know why. The only thing he wanted in return was a moment to hear him out and, if I was willing to give it, the cold comfort of absolution before we went our separate ways. Before I went back to my life alone and he went back to Travis. Swallowing a lump in my throat, I shivered at the thought of what he was going home to after his shift ended. "When you left the other night," I said quietly. "Did you want to stay with me, or go with him?" "That night…" He set his jaw. "That night, or any night, I’ve never wanted to be with anyone more than I wanted to be with you." At that, I pushed myself off the wall and came towards him. "Then be with me." "It’s not that simple, Jon," he said. "I can’t put you in danger like that." I put my hands on his hips. He started to shy away, glancing around the tiny room as if Travis might suddenly walk in through one of the three closed doors. "Liam, look at me." Swallowing hard, he did. "I know you want to protect me," I said. "But what about you?" "I’ll be fine." He smiled, but it was obviously forced. "As long as I know you’re okay, I’ll be fine." "And you think I can just walk away and live with the fact that you’re with an asshole like him so that I don’t get hurt?" He lowered his gaze. "What do you want me to do? He’s going to make my life hell either way. At least this way, he’s not making yours hell." I touched his face. "Yes, he is." He looked me in the eye again. "Jon—" "I can’t let you stay with him," I said. "Not if he’s treating you that way. If you left because you’re happier with him, then, fine, I wouldn’t stand in your way. I want you to do whatever it takes to be happy. But you’re not." "You make it sound easy to walk away from someone 214

like that," he said. "It’s not. If it was, I’d have done it a long time ago. He’s unstable, he’s relentless, and he’s fucking dangerous." "Then press charges against him," I said. "Fucking do something, but don’t stay under his thumb—" He wrenched free and brushed past me, stopping with his back to me. "You don’t get it, Jon," he growled. "I’m under his thumb whether I like it or not. The cops haven’t done shit to help. Believe me, I’ve tried." "So what are you going to do?" I snarled, not sure if my sudden anger was directed at him or at Travis. "Just let him keep running your life like this?" "There’s nothing I can do, Jon. Jesus Christ, if there was, I’d have done it by now." "So you’ll just keep taking whatever he gives you until he cripples you or fucking kills you?" "If that’s what I have to do, I will." "That’s insane! You can’t live like—" "I can, and I will. I hate the bastard and everything he’s done to me, but I’ll live with it—" "Why, Liam? He’s going to fucking—" He turned around, his eyes wet with tears but narrow with fury. "Because I love you too much to let him hurt you." I forgot how to breathe. We stared at each other in silence. Then his shoulders dropped slightly and he slumped against the wall, letting out a breath as he closed his eyes. "Liam," I whispered, touching his arm gently. "That’s why I can’t let him hurt you either." He opened his eyes. "Jon…" Neither of us spoke. I let my hand slide down his arm, stopping when my fingers were against the backs of his. And I waited. Hoped. After an eternity, his hand turned and he laced his fingers between mine. We looked at each other in silence, the air in the tiny room coming to life as Liam’s thumb moved slowly back and forth across mine. I stepped closer to him, halving the distance that separated us, leaving the rest for him to cross. After only a moment’s hesitation, he put his arm around my waist. Just like the first time he kissed me a lifetime ago, we came together slowly, breathing each other closer until his 215

lips brushed mine so lightly I could have been imagining it. Then he put his hand on the back of my neck. Whether to keep me there or to draw himself closer, I don’t know, but whatever the case, he pressed his lips to mine and melted my balance. My knees turned to water as his tongue parted my lips. Wrapping my arms around him, I savored the taste of his kiss, not realizing until that moment just how much I’d missed it. How much I’d missed him. I came here to get over him, but in this moment, was more in love with him than ever. He broke the kiss and looked at me, his smile less forced this time. "I love you," he whispered. "I love you, too," I said, struggling to keep my emotions in check. His lips had just barely touched mine again before he abruptly broke the kiss, but he didn’t pull away. Resting his forehead against mine, he ran his thumb over my cheekbone. "This is dangerous." "I know." Without another word, I kissed him again. After a while, he looked at me again. Running his fingers through my hair, he took a breath. "So what do we do now?" "I don’t know," I said. "But this is a damned good start." "What about Travis?" A shiver ran up my spine. "We’ll figure it out." I touched his face. "I don’t know exactly how, but we’ll figure it out."

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Forty Liam put the key in his door, but didn’t turn it. "Are you sure you want to do this?" he asked. I kept my hands in my pockets so I wouldn’t wring them nervously. "What’s the alternative?" He shook his head. "There isn’t one. But you don’t have to be here for it." I put my hand on his shoulder. "Yes, I do." Our eyes met, but his expression was blank. Finally he shifted his attention back to the key in the door. Swallowing hard, he turned it and we went into his silent, empty apartment. Even though Travis wasn’t there and hadn’t been for hours, the air seemed icy with the echoes of his presence. Liam shivered, so I didn’t think it was just my imagination. I wondered what had gone on here in recent days. Liam stopped, looking around the living room, chewing his lip. Finally he said, "I need to get out of my work clothes." He gestured for me to come with him as he started down the hall. I didn’t question him, just followed him into the bedroom. He probably just needed something to occupy his mind for a few minutes. Something to do besides wait. "Did Casey and Jack say how long they’d be?" I asked, leaning against the doorframe in the bedroom. "Hopefully not long. Casey was clocking off when we left, and Jack wasn’t far behind." He reached back to unbuckle his cummerbund and I realized his hands were shaking. "Fucking thing," he muttered as the buckle stubbornly held. 217

"Here, I’ll get it." I gently nudged his hands away and unbuckled it. When my fingers grazed the back of his shirt, it was cold with sweat. "Thanks," he said quietly as I handed him the cummerbund. He glanced at me, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he untied his bowtie. "I’m sorry I didn’t tell you all of this before." "Liam, I told you, I understand." He sighed. "I know, I just…" He shook his head. "I can’t believe I got you involved in this." "But I am involved." I touched his arm gently. "And I’m here now because I want to be." He avoided my eyes and unbuttoned his shirt. "If you knew what you were getting into, you wouldn’t be." "I know what I’m getting into," I said. "That’s why I’m here. Because I don’t want you going into it alone." Shrugging his shirt off, he tossed it onto the bed. "He’ll be here in the next hour," he said quietly. "If you change your mind—" "I won’t." He met my eyes briefly. "If you do, I won’t hold it against you if you leave." "I’m not leaving unless you want me to." His lips thinned. He started to pull his T-shirt off, but hesitated. His eyes shifted towards me, then back to the floor, and he pulled it off. As he turned to throw it on the bed with his tux shirt, my heart fell into my feet. On the left side of his lower back, a dark, round bruise about half the size of my fist glared back at me. It was still an angry purple in spite of the yellowish haze around it, as if it had been healing for a while, but wouldn’t be fading anytime soon. I met his eyes in the mirror. He was watching me. I took a breath. "What happened?" In the mirror, his eyes shifted to the right. I followed his gaze, swallowing the nausea that rose in my throat when I saw the way the bathroom door was splintered on its hinges. With a chill, I took note of the height of the doorknob. Liam turned around. "I’m serious, Jon," he whispered. "If you want to leave…" "I’m serious, too. And I should have known something 218

was up when you came by my place. If I had known…" "But you didn’t know," he said. "And even if you had, there was nothing you could have done." "Either way, I’m here, and I’m not leaving." For a moment, we were both quiet, just looking at each other. In a way it reminded me of the first night he came to my apartment, when we’d stood like this, each waiting for the other to make a move towards the inevitable. The tension between us was different this time, though. The desire was still there, smoldering in the background and ready to be awakened when this storm had passed, but the immediate need reflecting in his eyes and in me went much deeper. Liam put his hand on my waist, pausing to take a breath as if even this simple contact was too much for him. After a moment, his hand slid around to the small of my back and I put my arms around his neck. When he kissed me, he held me closer and his body relaxed against mine. His kiss was as passionate as it always was, but this was anything but sexual. Just a chance to silently reconnect, reassure, and have a minute of respite from everything we faced. Though the rest of the night and the foreseeable future were uncertain, he granted himself this moment to exhale. As much as he’d tried to encourage me to take my leave and let him face Travis alone, everything about his kiss said I’m glad you’re here. It was surreal to think that earlier this evening, I’d come to sever what remaining ties I had with him. Now, come what may when Travis arrived, I couldn’t imagine being anywhere but there. A knock at the door brought the moment to an end, Liam’s body tensing against mine. "That must be Jack or Casey," he said. I shivered. They didn’t intimidate me, but their presence reminded me of what I’d just spent a minute trying to forget. "I’ll go let them in." "Thanks," he whispered. He kissed me lightly and we exchanged nervous smiles before I left the bedroom. I closed the door behind me and went to the front door. When I opened it, Casey’s eyes widened. "Jon? I didn’t expect—" 219

"I know," I said. "But I’m here." He shrugged and came in, looking around. "Where’s Liam?" "Bedroom," I said, nodding towards the closed door. "Changing clothes." Casey looked down at his shirt and cummerbund. "Well, damn, if I’d known this was informal…" I laughed. "I’m sure he wouldn’t have minded if you’d dressed down." He shrugged again. "No biggie. I’m used to fucking people up when I wear this." He cracked his knuckles and I swallowed nervously. The bedroom door opened. "Hey, Casey," Liam said. He came out in jeans and a sweatshirt. Tonight, even the casual clothes couldn’t make him look relaxed. "Hey, man," Casey said. "Jack’s on his way. Should be here any minute." Liam nodded, putting his hands in his pockets. "I guess we’ll just wait, then." I wasn’t sure if he was referring to the arrival of Jack or Travis. Casey eased himself onto the sofa, leaning back and making himself at home, but his relaxed posture didn’t negate the tightness of his jaw. I sat on one of the recliners, trying not to wring my hands. Liam, true to form, paced. No one spoke. About five minutes after Casey arrived, Jack showed up, taking a seat on the other end of the sofa as we all waited. Liam and the bouncers talked a little about work, but it had that stilted, scripted sound of people making conversation just to fill a nervous void. For the most part, we were all silent. The only sounds were Liam’s padding footsteps and the occasional scuff when he turned on his heel to go the other way. Outside, the steady mumble of passing cars emphasized how quiet the apartment was. The only thing missing was a loudly ticking clock to make the wait a little less bearable. At about twenty minutes before nine, Liam stopped pacing, his spine stiffening and his breath catching. The color drained from his face and I swore I felt the hairs standing on 220

the back of his neck. He stared at the front door and chewed his thumbnail. In a hollow, haunted voice, he said, "He’s here."

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Forty One The bouncers both leaned forward in their seats, resting elbows on knees, brows pinching together as they watched the door. Ready to be on their feet at a moment’s notice. Footsteps thudded down the hall outside. Then a shadow darkened the line of light below the front door. The front door that—I realized just before it opened— was closer to me than anyone in the room. Panic twisted in my gut, but before I could put a little more distance between myself and the door, it opened. As soon as Travis came through the door, he stopped in his tracks. Scowling, he flipped his unruly blond hair and kicked the door shut behind him. His glare shifted from Liam to Casey to Jack, then to me. Stabbing a finger in my direction, he looked at Liam. "What the fuck is he doing here?" Liam took a deep breath, folding his arms across his chest. "He’s staying. And you’re leaving." Travis snorted. "Bullshit." He looked at me and gestured towards the door. "Get out." "He’s not going anywhere," Liam said with a tremor in his voice that could have just as easily been from fear or fury. "Travis, get your shit, and get out." Travis looked at him. "I’m not leaving." The bouncers tensed. Liam gestured for them to stay where they were. They both shifted impatiently, but didn’t get up. "Get your shit," Liam said again. He spoke slowly, his tone unsettlingly calm. "And get out of my house." 222

Travis’s shoulders dropped and he cocked his head. When he spoke, his voice was gentle. Condescendingly so. "Liam, come on, let’s talk about this, without—" "No." Liam’s eyes narrowed. "There’s nothing to discuss." "There’s plenty to discuss," Travis said. "Come on, let’s talk in private. Without them." He shot me a glare, then looked back at Liam. Extending his hand, he stepped towards Liam. The bouncers and I were instantly on our feet, but Liam didn’t move. "Stay away from me, Travis," he said, his voice shaking. Though he kept his calm exterior, it was faltering. "You even think of touching me, they’ll put you on the ground." He nodded towards Casey and Jack. Travis gave a sharp sniff of laughter and took another step forward. Liam stood his ground, putting a hand up to keep the bouncers at bay, but he shrank back just slightly. "Liam, baby, can’t we talk—" "Don’t fucking call me that," Liam snarled. "I’m not going to tell you again. Get your shit and get the fuck out of my house. Now." "You’re making this into something it’s not." Travis’s voice was so condescending it was almost sing-songy. "Honestly, do we really need to hash this out in front of other people? Do you see me bringing the cavalry in—" "The only thing I’m making this is over." Liam squared his shoulders. "I’m not interested in hearing anything out of you except ‘I’m leaving’." His gaze flicked towards me and I gave him a reassuring nod. Travis looked over his shoulder at me and I was silently thankful that looks couldn’t kill. With a cough of sarcastic laughter, he turned back to Liam. "What the hell does he have that I don’t?" "Me," Liam snapped. Travis balked, the muscles in the side of his face rippling as he clenched his jaw. "Oh really? He has you?" He turned and faced me with murder in his eyes. "You know, I don’t like people stepping in and taking what’s mine." Liam visibly tensed. "I’m not yours, Travis. I haven’t been for a long time. Leave him out of this." "No, I’m not leaving him out of his," Travis said over 223

his shoulder. He stepped towards me, obviously trying to get me to back down, but I planted my feet. "You’re on thin ice, Jon," he said, making my blood run cold. "I don’t tolerate people taking what’s mine." Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Liam nod towards Casey, who pulled a cell phone out. Then Liam said, "Leave him alone, Travis." Travis gestured for him to shut up. "What kind of man comes along and takes someone else’s man, anyway?" he growled at me. I ground my teeth, mostly trying to keep them from chattering. I wasn’t about to let him see how much he intimidated me. "The kind of man who prefers to take a lover instead of a hostage," I said. His eyebrows jumped and his lips thinned. "Travis, leave him out of this," Liam said, his voice low but unsteady. Facing his ex down, he’d looked and sounded almost fearless. But now that I was in Travis’s sights, Liam’s solid exterior cracked. He touched Travis’s arm and pleaded, "Back off of him. Please. This is between you and me." That seemed to give Travis pause. After a moment, he nodded. "You’re right." His voice was suddenly calm. His shoulders sagged and he started to turn back towards Liam. "This is between you and me." Liam and I both released the very beginnings of relieved breaths, and in that split second, I let my guard down. "Which means he has no business here," Travis snarled as he spun back towards me. Before I could react, he seized the front of my shirt with one hand and a heartbeat later, the other fist came out of nowhere and slammed into the side of my face. My vision went white, then red, and I was vaguely aware of my center of gravity shifting before my face hit something solid and sharp. I put an arm up to deflect the next blow, but Travis was abruptly off me. Something crashed, someone grunted, then everything went eerily silent. Thank God for bouncers. Blinking my eyes into focus, I looked up. Travis was pinned against the wall, eyes wide with surprise. That was when I realized that the bouncers hadn’t attacked him. Just like me, they both stared in stunned silence. 224

Liam’s forearm was across Travis’s throat, his other hand pinning his wrist against the wall. The room was completely silent except for Travis’s labored breathing. "Jon, are you okay?" Liam asked, never taking his eyes off his ex. I sat up slowly. "I’m fine." My head throbbed and my mouth was metallic with the taste of blood, but all things considered, I was okay. To Travis, Liam growled, "It’s over. I’m done with your bullshit, I’m done being under your thumb. I want you out of my house and out of my life." Travis’s eyes widened with panic as Liam pressed his arm harder against his throat. In a tone so venomous it gave me chills, Liam snarled, "And so help me God, if you ever even think of laying a hand on him again, I will break your fucking neck." He paused, then added, "Am I clear?" Travis said nothing, staring at him in stunned silence. Liam leaned into him. "Am I clear?" With a great deal of effort, Travis nodded. Liam released him and shoved himself away, as if Travis’s very presence repulsed him. Travis stumbled forward, coughing and holding his neck. Casey grabbed him by the arm and sat him down on the couch. "Jack, stay by the door so this asshole doesn’t leave." Jack nodded and went to the door. "What? So now I can’t leave?" Travis sputtered. "Now who’s holding who hostage?" "It’s just until the cops get here," Liam snapped. He looked at Casey. "Did they say how long?" "Any minute," Casey said. Travis tried to stand, but Casey put a hand on his shoulder and sat him right back down. "Sit." Travis eyed him and—probably realizing Casey was about twice his size—didn’t argue. Liam knelt beside me, putting his hand on my shoulder. "Are you sure you’re okay?" I nodded. "I’m fine." I started to stand, but the room shifted violently and I grabbed Liam’s arm for balance. "Whoa, easy." He guided me into a chair. 225

The room spun and I leaned forward, resting my elbows on my knees and letting my forehead fall into my hands. He rubbed the back of my neck gently. "Maybe we should take you to the emergency room," he said. I shook my head, groaning as that simple motion created explosions of pain behind my eyes. "I’m fine." "It’s probably a good idea," one of the bouncers said. I couldn’t tell who it was, nor which direction the voice came from. May as well have been all directions with as badly as my head spun. "He’s right, Jon," Liam said, still rubbing my neck. "In case it’s serious, and so it can be documented." The last place I wanted to go was the damned hospital, but I wasn’t about to argue. As I tongued the cut on the inside of my cheek, I nodded silently. Something warm on my hand caught my attention. Slowly, blinking as the light stabbed the inside of my skull, I raised my head and realized there was blood on my hand. A lot of blood on my hand. "That looks like it might need stitches," Casey said as I gingerly touched my cheekbone. Liam furrowed his brow and looked at my face. "Fuck, that’s definitely going to need stitches." He grimaced, then shot his ex a murderous glare. He opened his mouth to speak, but activity outside the door turned everyone’s heads. I turned too fast and groaned as pain shot through my head. A moment later, the room was alive with activity. The police separated all of us to take statements while they fussed over my face and discussed whether they would arrest Travis, Liam, or both. They were concerned enough about me that one of the officers insisted on driving me to the hospital sooner than later. "I’ll take your statement while we’re there," he said. "Let’s go." Though I was unsteady on my feet, I managed to hold myself up on the way out. I’d had concussions before, so I wasn’t concerned. The cut on my face was bleeding profusely, but it wasn’t going to kill me. Stain my shirt, maybe, but it wasn’t that bad. 226

My biggest worry as I got into the passenger seat of the squad car was who was—and wasn’t—going to jail tonight.

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Forty Two The fluorescent lights of the emergency room didn’t help my throbbing head, but I managed to give a coherent statement, echoing everything I’d already told the officer three or four times since we’d left the apartment. Squinting through the pain, I read the statement one last time, then signed the bottom and handed it to him. "So what happens now?" I asked as he looked it over. "They’ll be arraigned—" "They?" I said, eyes widening. He shrugged. "He, they. One or both of them is going in tonight." I swallowed hard. "Liam didn’t attack—" "Yes, I know." The officer nodded. "I’ve heard your side of it. It’s not my decision to make. But even if he’s arrested, it doesn’t necessarily mean he’ll go down for it." He gestured at my statement. "If the other witnesses agree with what you said, it sounds like he was acting in your defense and did nothing more than restrain your attacker." "But he might be arrested anyway?" "It’s possible," he said. "Sometimes we’ll arrest everyone involved in a physical altercation and then sort it out at the precinct. That’s up to the other officers. I’m running ambulance duty tonight, apparently." I laughed. "Thanks for the ride, by the way." "Don’t mention it." He stood. "You need a ride back?" I shook my head slowly. "They haven’t discharged me yet anyway, and I’ve got people I can call." "All right then." He shook my hand. "Hope the rest of your night is less eventful." 228

"Tell me about it." With that, he was gone, leaving me alone in the cold, sterile room. Lying back on the hard bed, I rubbed my eyes as a knot coiled in my gut. I had no doubt that Casey, Jack, and Liam would tell the same story, but whether or not the cops arrested Liam was at their discretion. I wanted to call Liam and see what was going on, but my cell phone had to be turned off in the emergency room. There was nothing I could do at this point besides wait to be discharged. I let out a long breath and kept a hand over my eyes to shield them from the light. Well, this evening didn’t go the way I planned it. Someone knocked, but I didn’t say anything. Raising my voice hurt like hell, and all the doctors and nurses just came in after they knocked anyway. The door opened. Paper rustled and footsteps clicked. "Mr. Beatty?" I recognized the doc’s voice from earlier. "Listening." "The CT scan looked fine, so it’s just a mild concussion," he said. "How is the pain on a scale of one to ten?" "Five." He grunted with, I assumed, approval. "I would suggest taking it easy for a day or two." "I’ve had them before," I said. "I know the drill." Another grunt. "Well, I’ll just have another look at that cut, then we’ll discharge you and let you be on your way." I moved my hand away from my face and blinked, flinching at the bright light. "How does it feel?" He asked, eyeing the cut. "Still numb." He nodded. "Good. The stitches can come out in a few days. It shouldn’t scar too badly, but if it does, a plastic surgeon can take care of it." "I’m sure I’ll be fine." "How is your balance?" I sat up slowly, groaning as the room shifted. He scowled. "Can you stand?" He put his hand on my arm, steadying me as I swung my legs over the side of the bed and stood. I gripped the bed until I found my 229

equilibrium, then everything settled. "I think I’ll be okay." "You may want to have someone stay with you for the next twenty-four hours," he said. "And I wouldn’t recommend driving for at least as long." He turned his attention to my chart as I sat back on the bed. "The admissions desk can give you the number for a taxi service if you need it." "Thanks," I said dryly. "Otherwise, everything looks fine, so I’ll be back in a moment with your discharge paperwork, and you can be on your way." After he left, I was tempted to lie back, but the thought of getting up again didn’t sound appealing. Drumming my fingers on the side of the bed, I waited. Not two minutes later, there was another knock. I turned my head slowly as the door opened. One of the nurses leaned in through the doorway. "Mr. Beatty? There’s someone here to see you. A—" She paused, glancing out the door, then back at me. "Liam Sable. Do you want me to send him in?" My heart jumped. "Yes, please." She nodded and stepped out. A second later, Liam appeared in the doorway. "Jon," he said, his voice heavy with relief. He came across the room and put his arms around me, kissing me lightly. "Jesus, I was afraid they were going to arrest you," I said, returning his embrace. "So was I." He pulled back and looked at the side of my face. "How bad is it?" "Minor concussion. Trust me, I’ve had worse." I gave him a reassuring smile. "I’m glad you’re okay." He touched the uninjured side of my face. "So, what happens now?" I asked, putting my hand over his. He let out a breath. "I’m not sure. They told me the D.A. is probably going to push to hold him without bail, but I doubt anyone would bail his sorry ass out anyway." He laughed bitterly. "I was always the one who paid his bail 230

before." "Any idea how long he’ll be in?" He shrugged. "If they nail him for felony assault and battery, a year at best. But, to be honest…" He trailed off. Swallowing nervously, I squeezed his hand. "What?" "You should have seen the look on his face when they hauled him out." He laughed, shaking his head. "I think I scared the hell out of him." "Wouldn’t surprise me," I said. "I think you scared the hell out of Jack and Casey." He chuckled, then his smile fell as he wetted his lips. "Honestly, that’s the first time I’ve ever stood up to him. Physically, anyway. He always thought I was afraid of him." "Were you?" "Hell yeah," he said without hesitation. "But now? I think he might be afraid of me. He practically started shaking when I came back into the room after the cops questioned me." "I don’t blame him," I said. "I thought you were going to snap his neck." The pad of his thumb brushed over my cheekbone and his expression turned serious. "It never even crossed my mind," he said. "All I wanted to do was get him off of you." He avoided my eyes. "Shit, Jon, when I saw him go for you…" He trailed off, shaking his head again. "Liam." I put a hand on his waist. "It’s over." "I know, but—" "I’m fine, you’re fine, and he’s in jail." I pulled him closer and whispered, "It’s over." He started to protest, but stopped. He took a deep breath, released it, then looked at me and smiled. When he did, my head spun, but it wasn’t the concussion this time. It was the first genuine, heartfelt smile I’d seen on his face since we left Wilde’s that night. He kissed me lightly. "You’re right," he whispered. "It’s over." He paused. "I hope, anyway." I put my hand on his face and kissed him again. "Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t. He’s in jail tonight and with any luck he’s going to stay there. With a little more luck, he’s gotten the message." "He’s persistent," Liam said. 231

"Then we’ll be careful," I said. "We’ll be vigilant." He sighed. "I hate the thought of looking over our shoulders forever." "We’ll do what we have to do." "I guess that’s all we can do." His fingers laced between mine. "I’m glad you came back tonight." "I’m glad you came after me," I said, laughing softly. He smiled. "I almost didn’t. I didn’t think you’d want to talk to me but…" He trailed off. I squeezed his hand. "But?" Looking me in the eye, he said, "Being turned away was well worth that off chance that you’d listen to me." He exhaled, glancing at the cut on my face. "I honestly had no idea this would happen, though." Shrugging, I said, "It did, and we can’t change it. But, we’re both here." I squeezed his hand again. "And I’m not going anywhere." He smiled again. Then it turned into a devilish grin as he glanced around the room. "Well, I’m not staying here, but—" "You know what I mean," I laughed and put my arm around his waist, pulling him closer. "The doctor said I should have someone with me for the next twenty-four hours or so. You know, because of the concussion." He rested his forearms on my shoulders and bent to kiss me lightly. "I hope you don’t think you’ll be getting rid of me once that twenty-four hours is up." "Not a chance," I said, kissing him again. "In fact, I was hoping you’d stay." "For how long?" "How long do you want to stay?" Whispering against my lips, he said, "As long as you’ll have me."

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About L. A. L. A. Witt is an erotica author currently living in Okinawa, Japan, with her husband and two cats. She also writes heterosexual erotica under the name Lauren Gallagher.

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