The Berkeley Review - MCAT - Writing Sample

Illlriting Sample Introduction to MCAT Essay Composition Essay Topic Statements For Writing Practice Essays Sample E...

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Illlriting

Sample Introduction to

MCAT Essay Composition

Essay Topic Statements For Writing Practice Essays

Sample Essays With Commentary

K.E.V.I.E.I/V Speci alizing in MCAT Preparation @

I[Iriting Sample

Contents Introduction to MCAT Essay Composition The MCAT Writing Sample How to Use This Manual

What You May Not Know about the MCAT Writing Sample Origins

7 9

9 9 9

What the Writing Sample is Designed to Assess

9

Topics for Writing Sample Essays

10

How the Writing Sample is Structured: A Brief Overview

10

Grading of MCAT Writing Samples

11

Scoring

l2

Description of Point Scale

l3

What Does

All of This Mean?

13

What You Already Know: Essays

t4

The Writing Assignment

I6

"It is Always Wrong to Lie."

16

Task One: Explain what you think the statement means.

t7

Task Two: Describe a specific situation in which it might not be wrong to lie.

r9

Task Three: Discuss what you think determines whether it is ever wrong to lie

20

Preparation for the Writing Sample

2l

Practice

22

Contents

Essay Topic Statements for

Writing Practice Essays

Insrructions

L

)
omething will not always reflect its

.rm" M,ns m

never

m.

evil."

justified.

u

$nm tM

6t 6s 69

j3

obligation to report the irregular behavior of a coworker to a supervisor. l1

KirillilXllinnnqg

ft@Mrd

53

51

The :tsponsibility of public education is to teach skills, rather than

lm"

49

in every

85

election.

89

value.

inms is unnecessary for making an artistic

lle sreatest

"""fifu*mnq[irinrr

beilg

is to tell

statement.

93

gj

individual.

l0l

everything."

105

desire of every

a bore

g1

Contents

Sample Essays with Commentary Sample Essays

L

"A good citizen votes in every election." Commentary

u.

"The only argument for capital punishment is that'justice equals revenge'." Commentary

il1.

"The true test of courage is not to die, but to live." Commentary

IV.

"The goal ofour legal system should be to administer due process under the law, notjustice." Commentary

v.

"Art, like science, is more process than product." Commentary

w.

"The price of something will not always reflect its value." Commentary

WI,

"That action is best which procures the greatest happiness for the greatest number." Commentary

109 111 113

tt4 116

ttl 120

tzt 122

r23 125

126 128

129 131

132

Introduction to MCAT

Essay Composition

'rfin

Speciahzrng ir MCAT Preparation

The MCAT Writing Sample How to use this rnanual This manual is designed to focus 01 the particular requirements of the MCAT Writing Sample and not cn general writing technique. We have designed this manual with the assumption that your writing ability is already good. If you feel your writing skills are a problem, we recolrunend that you take a writing class or get a textbook to teach yourself, preferably a textbook that is used in introductory writing courses at the college level. Study that book in conjunction with this manual. if you feel that your problem lies more in the realm of building sound, logical arguments, we suggest that you find a rhetoric textbook to help you develop your skills of argumentation. The best way to choose a textbook like this is to find out which ones are used by college rhetoric departments. Whatever books you decide you need in addition to this manual, they will not replace the information here, which is designed specifically with the demands of the MCAT Writing Sample in mind.

What you may not know about the MCAT Writing Sample Origins The MCAT Writing Sample evolved out of a recommendation in 7973 that a test of written communication skills be required for medical school applicants, as i t grew increasingly evident to medical school admission committees across the

History of the MCAT Writing Sample.

counhy that analytical and writing skills were becoming deficient among students and that committee members should therefore emphasize the importance of these skills in the competitive admissions process. The Writing Sample was introduced into the MCAT n 1991 after six years of research and development. Its purpose was--and still is--to provide admission committees with evidence of an applicant's thinking and written communication skills under timed conditions, beyond his or her powers of recognition and recall, which are adequately tested in the science portions of the Medical College Admission Test (MCAT). This section of the MCAT thus offers information about an applicant that other sections of the test cannot offer. Begiruri.g it 2007, the Writing Sample format was converted from two handwritten essays to two essays typed on a computer keyboard.

What the Writing Sample is designed to assess According to the Association of American Medical Colleges (AAMC), which administers the MCAT, the thirty-minute essay compositions of the MCAT are designed to assess the applicant's abilities to "develop a central thesis, synthesize concepts and ideas, present ideas cohesively and logically, and write clearly following accepted practices of grammat, syntax, and punctuation consistent with timed, first-draft composition."

The central thesis expressed in an essay topic statement (or "prompt") establishes the main idea to be developed in the three assigned tasks of the essay. The goal of the MCAT Writing Sample essay is to work toward an understanding of what the topic statement means, where its limits are, and how it can be applied to real situations: When should one's freedom of expression be absolute, and when should it be restrained? To what extent is technology a benefit or a curse? Is good joumalism always strictly objective--and if not, urder what conditions might it be subjective? This is not the same as arguing whether Copyright @ by The Berkeley Review

The Berkeley Review Specializing in MCAT Preparation

the thesis expressed in the topic statement is true--which is to say, lvlcAT writing sample essays are not examples of advocacy writing (arguing to support or chalienge a central thesis). Your ability to synthesize concepts and ideas refers to how well you put thoughts together, which is a measure of the reasonableness and creativity of your thinking. Related to this ability to synthesize concepts and ideas is the ability to present ideas cohesively (meaning that they hold together in a harmonious way) and logically (meaning that they flow smoothly, without gaps and in an ordered sequence, leading necessarily to a conclusion that is consistent with and derived from your original premises).

Finally, the MCAT Writing Sample assesses your ability to write English clearly. Clarity is the hallmark of all good writing and the bedrock of unambiguous communication. Clear writing not only exhibits your facility with language and a personal style; it also helps get your thoughts across effectively. The rules of good writing--including good grammar and punctuation (and good spelling, meaning at the minimum no spelling errors that obscure your intended meaning)--are designed to help the communication process. If you do not r,rse them properly, your writing becomes difficult for others to understand. For medical students, those "others" may one day include medical colleagues, patients, the general public via the mass media, and those who review grant proposals to fund medical research.

Topics for Writing Sample essays The AAMC selects Writing Sample topics from a broad range of

subjects:

business, politics, history, art, education, and ethics, ar-nong many others. Essay topics do not address the factual content of science or anything about the medical school application process. You will not be asked to give your reasons for wanting to go to medical school or for becoming a doctor. You will not be asked to write about subjects that are not generally accessible to the average college student, or that involve religion or other emotionally charged issues, This does not mean that you may not talk about religious or emotional issues in your treatment of the topic, but it is never required. No detailed prior knowledge about a topic is necessary to complete the Writing Sample, although a breadth of knowledge and experience about it provides the writer with a greater appreciation for the

subtleties of the topic statement and its applicability to real situations. Breadth also gives you more to write about in more interesting ways, and more examples. Therefore, we recommend that you read from a wide variety of sources and subjects when preparing for the test.

How the Writing Sample is structured: The Three Tasks

The three tasks of every MCAT Writing Sample essay.

MCAT Writing Sample test items consist of topic statements, each of which express what can be considered as a nbrmative rule: an opinion about an abstract concept (e.g., art, human rights, justice), a policy (e.g., censorship, capital punishment), or an institution (e.g., democratic govemment), or a recommended way of thinking about people and their behavior (e.g., lying, violent revolution). You are asked to satisfy three tasks pertaining to this topic statement. Moke sure that you read the exact wording of ench tssk in the instructions listed after the prompt. Do not assume that you know specifically what you are being asked to write just because you understand the three tasks in a general sense.

Copyright @ by The Berkeley Review

l0


First, you are asked to explain what you think the topic statement means. A solid approach to Task #1 combines a paraphrase of the statement, a definition of the key term or phrase you will need to develop the central thesis, and a proexample to illustrate how you interpret the prompt. You are not required to do all of these things, and we strongly discourage you from trying to define every word in the prompt. Also, you are not required by the instructions to write an introductory thesis paragraph at the beginning (or a summarizing paragraph a t the end) of your MCAT Writing Sample essay, though some students choose to do this as a holdover from the way they were taught to write essays in highschool writing classes.

are asked to describe a specific situation in which the topic statement might not be true (i.e., an exceptional instance or instances in which the rule that is expressed in universal terms in the prompt might be ignored by reasonable people). You must describe a specific counter-example--taken from Second, you

the pages of history, fictional works, news reports, or personal experience--that contradicts the rule in the topic statement. In Task #2, you can provide thoughts that further explore the meaning of the topic statement, especially in terms of its limitations, and build upon the concepts you started with in Task #1. T'hird, you are asked to define the criterion (a guideline or standard of judgment)

that may help establish the conditions under which the rule in the topic statement applies or does not apply. How can the conflict between the original statement as you interpreted it in Task #1 and your counter-example in Task #2 be resolved? How can these two viewpoints be reconciled reasonably and

comprehensively, without advocating one at the expense of the other? In Task #3, the MCAT graders expect you to apply what you have developed in the first

two tasks to a more general conception of the issue presented by the topic statement. When you have completed this final task, a reader of your essay should be able to apply the guideline you have derived to any similar hypothetical situation that he or she might imagine about the topic.

Grading of MCAT Writing Samples The most important thing to lq:low about how the MCAT readers grade the essays is that the writing is evaluated holistically. Each essay is looked at as a whole, not as an assemblage of pieces. You do not get a standard mrmber of points for fulfilling each of the three tasks, and then so many more for grammar, spelling, development, organization, or content. The designers of the Writing Sample believe that an essay is an entirety that should not be separated into its constituent parts for the purposes of grading. The assumption r.rnderlying this view is that the different aspects of writing are so interrelated that essays must be judged on the quality of writing as a whole. What this means for you as a test-taker is that you should think of the essay as a unit. Make sure that you do not have any weaknesses that might bring your whole score down. But also know that your strengths can balance your weaknesses. What ultimately matters is how clear, logical, and reasonable your argument is. You can evaluate your owrl writing by judging how effective it is in those three dimensions and whether you answered all three tasks. If your essay is effective and compelling, then it is going to get a good score, because all of the aspects of good writing are present.

Holistic scoring.

Historically, Writing Sample essays have been graded by a group of trained readers who may be experienced writers, editors, or writing teachers. This method of grading may change under the new computer-based testing format; but


lt


AAMC has not yet (2007) signaled its intention of altering the number of essar-s in the MCAT Writing Sample or the number of readers who will grade it. Two readers evaluate each essay. And since the Writing Sample consists of two essays, a total of four readers is involved. Each pair of readers is responsible for grading the essay written about only one topic. The readers are instructed to score each essay on the basis of the writing skills displayed and not to judge the writer's personality, attitudes, or beliefs. This means that you may express any

Expressing personal opinions in your essays.

personal opinions or thoughts that you would like, and as long as you support those opinions with strong, valid written arguments, you will be scored cn the strength of your writing and not on the slant of your ideas. We recommend, however, that you be selective about what you write in your essay. The MCAT is no place to take unnecessary chances, and you don't want to alienate anybody. Besides, if you receive no credit for sharing your opinions, why ure up valuable time to write them out? On the other hand, if you feel strongly about an issue, you often have more interesting thoughts about it and can express them more powerfully. Writing in the first person and using personal experiences as examples are both permitted in Writing Sample essays. Remember that the three tasks that you are graded on ask you to explain a point of view and then to compare it impartially with the opposing point of view, without advocating either one. Thus, spending a lot of time to defend one side or the other, just because it coincides with your opinions about the matter, is using time in a way that could lower your score. Since the essay is a timed exercise, it is assumed that you will make some minor mistakes. The readers are instructed to be lenient with errors that they judge have been made because of time constraints. This does not mean that they will ignore mistakes, especially if you consistently make the same ones. It means only that in a timed exercise, a few mistakes are unavoidable and therefore should not have a major impact on your grade. Readers do not score on any kind of curve or use a standard distribution. Each essay is graded on its own merits.

Scoring Essays are graded in terms of their overall effectiveness. Scores are determined by the complexity of thought exhibited in your writing, how well your argument holds together, the clarity with which your thoughts are expressed, and how far you develop your ideas. Length is not a primary concem, as long as the ideas in your essay are effectively developed. Good writers, however, tend to write more than less skilled writers.

An essay must be written in the best typed English you can manage. This is not the place for dropped letters, noncapitalized proper nouns, and hunt-and-peck finger work at the keyboardl Also, your essay must be a written composition that conforms to conventional ideas of a written argument. The MCAT graders will not accept alternative (non-essay) forms of exposition, such as drawings, poems, or other bizane experiments. If any essay you submit is deemed "Not Ratable," your letter grade for the Writing Sample will be X. Both essays must be appropriate for the assignment. Both essays are factored into your grade. Each reader scores the essay using a six-point scale, with 6 as the highest score and 1 as the lowest. If the two readers for a single essay assign scores that are more than one point apart (i.e., a 2 and a 4), then the essay is given to a third

reader who determines the final score. Copyright

@

by The Berkeley Review

12


Writing Sample is scored by at least four readers. Two score the first essay and two the second. The scores of all readers are sumned and can range from 4 to

Each

is converted to an alphabetical grade cn an 11-letter low of j to a high of T. Different combinations of numerical scores contributed by the readers can produce the same alphabetical grade. 24. This numerical score scale ranging from a

T

K

L

M

N

Below Average

o

P

0

R

S

T

Above Average

Average

Description of the point scale

A six shows clarity, depth, and complexity of thought. The assignment is treated coherently and major ideas are substantially developed. Language facility is evident. A five shows clarity of thought with some depth and complexity, but less than in a six. The assignment is generally coherently treated and focused, and major ideas are well developed. Strong control of language is apparent.

A four shows clarity of thought and may have some depth or complexity. The treatment of the assignment is coherent, with some focus. Major ideas are adequately developed, with an adequate control of language. A three may have some problems with clarity, complexity, and depth of thought. The treatment of the writing assignment could have problems with integration or coherence and with insufficient development of major ideas. Errors in mechanics, usage, or sentence structure are evident. A two has the same problems as a three, only worse. Poor focus, little clarity or complexity, and more errors. Major ideas may receive scant attention.

1 A one indicates

by its serious deficiencies in organization and development of major ideas that the writer probably did not understand the writing assignment. There may be such excessive numbers of errors in mechanics, usage, or sentence structure that the writer's ideas are hard to follow.

What does all of this mean? Each score level on the point scale addresses the same criteria of clarity, depth, and complexity of thought. Your Writing Sample essay is judged by how well you can express good thinking about the essay topic. Depth of analysis, complexity of ideas, and clarity of expression all add together to constitute what might be called the cognitive or intellectual aspect of the essay. Clarity is the most valued attribute in good essay writing style. Clarity refers to clearness of expression--the ability to choose the right words for the right task. Your words should reveal the complex structures between ideas, and they should help to remove ambiguity wherever it clouds a clear understanding of those ideas. It is said that the fundamental rule of good manners for a host is to make your guests feel at ease; the first rule of clearly expressing your ideas as a writer is to make yourself understood to the reader.

Clarity, depth, and complexity of thought.

Coherence refers to the way things cohere or stick together like grains of rice; focus refers to the common direction of argumentative intent. Do you stay cn the

Coherence and focus.


13


topic or wander off onto tangents? How well does everything you write relate to the main point of the argument? Everything yor-r write should add to that

development. Everything you put on the page should serve a purpose; otherwise, you are only adding confusion and detracting from the ciarity of your argument.

strong development of ideas makes them easier to apply to your argument, thus strengthening it as a whole. when you make a point, ask yourself if your idea is somehow deficient. Can it be developed further in some important way? Can a reader ask himself orherself: "why is this here? what does it mean? what about this other aspect?" If so, you have more work to do.

Facility with language is also important. The greater your mastery of the written idiom, the better you will be at expressing your ideas. Finding the right word and applying proper rules of grammar, spelling, and punctuation allow iou to be more precise at getting your point across.

What you already know: Essays cenerally, we think of an essay (at least, the kind of essay required of you for the writing sample) as a written argument, a statement of opinion or position regarding a certain issue. Interestingly, the Latin root of the word "argument,' is arguere, which means "to prove, assert, or make clear." Good argument is the process of asserting thoughts clearly. You must be able to think clearly--and ,1 the MCAT you need to be able to do this within a time constraint. You must be able to communicate that thinking effectively in good writter-r English. lf this sounds intimidating, it shouldn't. All of us, regardless of our education or social background, already know how to consfruct sophisticated and convincing arguments. Some of us just don't realize that we have these skills.

The everyday

character of making arg uments.

Hardly a day passes without the need to generate an argument. you might be explaining to a car dealer why he should lower his price, or complaining to yor. parents about how they interfere in your personal life, or convincing your roommate to watch your TV show instead of his. Explaining, complaining, convincing--these are all forms used in essays, which clepend .tporr yo.ti ability to think clearly and quickly and to communicate that thinking effectively through language, logic, and reason. You practice the art of aigumentation everyday, and the better you are at it, the more often you get your own way.

ability to get your thoughts across to others determines not only how in getting what you want and influencing others, but also allows you to form social relationships based on mutual understandug and communication. The style of arguing found in essays is a foundation of human interaction. It defines an important method we all r-se to reiate to one another. Your

successful you are

when we write an essay or make an argument, we are participating ur a sociai discussion. In argument, there is always an audience or reader. with respect to the MCAT, you might fear the reader, whom you may imagir-ie to be a hypercritical, fault-finding sourpuss, waiting to punish you witl-r i big red pen. Cet rid of that image; it can only distract you frorn doing your bestl

The essay as an imaginary conversation that is written out.

Think of your reader as a regular person--a reasonable person like yourseif--and think of your essay as you wouid any presentation of your thoughts. Don't try to impress the reader with fancy language. write in your normal tone of voice, and imagine the reader responding conversationally to your arguments, Try to anticipate where a reader might have trouble with your arguments. Do you justify your claims by giving reasons or er-idence that support them? Are your


I4


points clear and easy to understand? hr practice, you should read your essay out loud and listen to your writing. This is always a valuable experience. Your ear is often the best writing teacher, because you know what sounds right.

Read practice essays aloud.

In writing essays, you must be concemed with developing clear thoughts and presenting them to your reader. To be persuasive, good writing must be both logical (meaning that it is consistent and progresses by rules toward a necessary conclusion) and reasonable (meaning that it does not violate cofiunon sense, intuition, or experience). Logic and reasonableness provide structure to thought as it develops in your mind. Another important source of structure is the standard three-task format required by the designers of the Writing Sample. Boiled down to its bare bones, an MCAT Writing Sample essay consists of a topic statement with a central thesis, your supporting evidence for that thesis and for a counter-argument to it, and an explanatory resolution. The thesis states the reason for the essay; it is the subject of the composition, the main point that is to be argued. Next is the presentation of evidence and arguments in support of the thesis and against it. This is a critical stage in the construction of an essay, because the stronger your evidence, the stonger the argument. When choosing evidence, be sure that it supports your claims for either side and helps to illustrate your contentions as effectively as possible. The closer your evidence is to your point, the harder it is for a reader to disagree with you. Of equal importance is the framework within which the evidence is presented. You must ensure that the bearing of your evidence on your arguments is apparent. You must also make sure that the reader understands why you think that the evidence is so compelling. lt is not enough merely to present a bit of evidence and then leave it up to the reader to decide how it applies to the thesis, You must explicitly demonstrate to the reader your reasons for using the evidence you have presented.

Now that you understand the basic parts of an argumentative essay, you can look at the practicalities of applying what you know to the requirements of the MCAT. The MCAT provides you with a very specific form to follow in your writing. It is really quite simple, mofe like a "fill-in-the-blank" exercise than a true composition, since all you need to do is satisfy the three tasks that the MCAT assigns to you. And the MCAT does the work of choosing your thesis for you. just apply your mental and writing abilities to the exploration of that thesis. The only difference between an MCAT essay and something you might write for a writing class is that your job cn the Writing Sample is to create an argument that explores and balances the various implications of the statement rather than to make an argument one way or the other about the statement's validity. Do not argue toward a conclusion that is either completely for or against the opinion expressed in the topic statement. The MCAT Writing Sample is designed so that you are forced to think flexibly and creatively about a topic, exploring meanings and limitations of that topic and looking at both sidei of the issue. It is not designed to provide you with an opPortunity merely to express your personal opinions about the topic sentence.

The MCAT Writing Sample as an exploration of ideas.

that they have done poorly in their execution of a writing Sample essay, because the final product seems "too wishy-washy." Sometimes, students feel

Most often, this feeling arises from the way that most of us were taught to argue through the medium of the essay in high-school and college writing classes-namely, advocacy-style writing, where "winning the argument" is everything. It can be difficult to unleam this habit of thought, but read the instructions m Copyright O by The Berkeley Review

15


the essay topic statement page carefully. They do not direct you to defend or attack the rule expressed in the statement, or to "argue to a conclusion.', There are standardized tests where those are the instructions for writing an essay, but at the present time (2007), the MCAT is not one of them. Briefly, the writing sample asks you to interpret a topic statement by exploring your thoughts on what the statement means. After you have perfotrttua tnii exploration of meaning, you must think of a specific exu*ple where the statement does not necessarily apply. In this second part you are, in effect, presenting evidence that refutes the universal validity of the statement and thereby limits its applicability by defining a case in which the rule in the statement is not reasonable. You continue to define limits to the statement in Task #3. However, instead of coming up with more specific examples where the statement does not apply, you must determine the criterion that defines the range within which the statement generaliy can be applied. This guideline can be stated negatively, as in the second task, but it is a good idea to present something positive that demonstrates occasions where the statement is applicable and why this is so. Identify a determining factor that establishes when the topic sentence applies as a general rule in understanding situations of a certain kind, and when it does not apply to other, exceptional iituations. The essay thus takes the original topic statement and then challenges and redefines it in such a way that the reader knows more precisely what the topic statement means. Along the way, the reader has also learned about the q.ruliti"r of your analytical thought process as a writer. The important thing to learn from what we have been discussing is that the MCAT is doing some of your work for you by dictating the struiture of your

composition. As you practice writing MCAT essays, you

yourself with their three-part structure, so the style

will

will familiarize

become second nature.

The Writing Assignment Let's look now to the MCAT writing sample itself. Though they deal many different topics, MCAT essay items take the following general form:

with

It is always wrong to lie. write a unified

essay in which you perform the following tasks: Explain what you think the statement means. Describe a specific situation in which it might not be wrong to lie. Discuss what you think determines whether it is ever wrong to lie.

The simplest approach

to structuring the MCAT essay for beginners.

The first thing to notice about this assignment is that it asks tu for a unified writing answers to three separate questions here, but creating a composition that manages to address the three tasks in a cohesive way. Each task that you address is structurally and logically linked to the other two tasks. No part of your essay stands alone. your argument develops and evolves as you move from one task to the next, gaining depth and complerity as it develops. But just as you don't want to write three mini-essays, you lho don't want to write one huge paragraph with no obvious separations between the three tasks. The simplest approach we can recommend is to write an essay that consists of three paragraphs. Each paragraph addresses one task, in order, and is connected through transitional phrases and themes to the other parts of the essay. Thus, your first paragraph addresses the task of exploring what you think the statement means. The second describes specific situations when ihe statement might not be true. And the third paragraph discusses what essay. You are not just


16

The Berkeley Review Specializing in MCAT preparation

determines the conditions under which the rule

in the essay topic statement

applies. This structure of three paragraphs is not a hard-and-fast ru1e. In fact, essays by the most experienced, creative, and ambitious writers usually do exceed three paragraphs in the Writing Sample. You can write as many paragraphs as you like, and you are not limited to executing the assigned writing tasks in 1-2-3 order. But your job is greatly simplified if you do follow

this pattern.

Task One Exltlain zahat you think the stateruent means. The first task can be somewhat disconcerting. Faced with a thirty-minute time limit and the other pressures of the MCAT, many test-takers suffer from "brainfreeze." This is not the same phenomenon that occurs when you eat too much ice cream! Rather, it is more psychological than physiological and results in a temporary loss of all thinking and analytical ability" Time seems to fly by at an accelerated rate, puises skyrocket, ulderamrs become damp, and an unpleasant chemical reaction seems to occur in the general vicinity of the lunch you just finished eating. It is a thoroughly disagreeabie experience. Fortunately, there are v,/ays to prepare for Task #1 that will provide you with strategies to avoid the dreaded brain-freeze.

Generally, brain-freeze is brought on when the test-taker is told to explain what he or she thinks the statement means. "lt means what it says!...Doesn't it?" Well, yes and no. The example: "It is always wrong to lie" contains some ambiguous words, words that have many possible interpretations. Looking a t the topic statement, youcould ask yourself what is meant by the word "lie." How you define this word will have a major effect cn the direction your essay takes. Cenerally speaking, then, you might start an essay by defining the key word or words of the statement. You might talk about certain meanings of the

Defining key terms.

words and why you think they should be understood that way. One way of looking at this first task is to apply it to a real-life situation. For irrstance, suppose you are having coffee with a friend, and that friend tells you about someone who lied to her. You might respond, "l think that it is always wrong to iie." Imagine your friend giving you a blank stare and asking, "What do you mean by that?" You are surprised. Isn't it self-evident what you meant? But on second thought, maybe it isn't so cut-and-dried. There are many kinds of lies,

and rnany w.ays to tell them. Are they all equally wrong? Is it really always wrong to lie? Now you have to explain what you mean to your friend, just as

with lask

#1 you must explain to the reader what you think the statement thinking conversationally can help thoughts

means. This is an example of how flow and not freeze up.

Arrother approach to Task #1 is the use of pro-examples. Write about examples the statement applies. Explain the relationship of the example to the topic statement and justify your use of the example for this case. It can be a very helpfui way to create a context for the discussion of meaning and for tying troublesome words io specific kinds of meaning. Related to this approach is lalking about how your interpretation of the meaning of the topic statement has been influencedby your personal experiences. This redefines the meaning of the statement according to a personal context, and it can provide a r.rnique and ilrteresting a\/enue into your exploration of the concepts.

Using pro-examples.

Another approach to Task #1 can be to use a paraphrase to reformulate the topic staternent in yor-rr ornm words. A good paraphrase, in conjunction with other

Using a paraphrase,

r.vhere

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t'l


approaches, may put the topic into a form that is more natural for vou. At the same time, it can help erP remove ambiguity amDlgul and stimulate the generation of examples. examples' However, it ls is critical -nowever/ rt crltrcal that the the paraphrase is not left to stand cn its own but is presented within a context that expliins its derivation and whv why you

chose to use it.

this first task. if you find you are still having difficulty with getting started--or even if you aren't--it b" very helpful t6 "* wayi of read some of your classmates' essays. people have different dealing with the writing sample, and you can leain from all of these approaches. Ii Th-ere are many approaches to

addition, different topic statements lend themselves to different ipproaches to this first task, so the more experience you have with variou, -uy, of executing the task, the more prepared you will be for the MCAT writing sample. hr many ways, Task

#.1

is the most important part of your composition. MCAT

essay-graders reportedly spend-an average of ninety seionds ."udi.,g your essay. Ninety seconds is not very much time. Thus, it is extremely important that you give the reader a good first impression. A strong opening paragraph will give "as the reader a good opinion of your writing as he oi ,hu io read, just a "onfir-,,.lus weak one may set the reader against you. Even more importantly, Task #1 is where you introduce all of the key ideas tha t you will be discussing in the essay. In a sense, it establishes a contract between you and the reader, where you implicitly state what you will be talking about and h-ow you will approach it. If you explore your ideasin some depth, u^i .o.r". all of the important concepts that you will te talking about (for the statement above, you would have to talk about both the .o.,."pl of lying and of why it is wrong/ not just one or the other), then the parts of the essay that follow will be stronger and more focused. A_strong opening paragraph keeps your essay focused by preventing you from wandering inio digreisions, ind it makes the second and third tasks simpler, because no more definitions are needed. The succeeding parts need only to build upon what has come before.

Preparing an ouiline before you write.

The best way to make certain that you adequately explore all of the key ideas in the topic statement is to make *m" noies in-outline form before yo, ,tu.t writing. You must determine for yourself how much of the thirty minutes you

want to spend on an outline (usually no more than 3-5 minutes), but a good or1" .u., both save you writing time and ensure that you stay on the topic. on-ce you

have read the prompt and the instructions below it, take a few seconds to start digesting it. Look at it from different angles. Ask yourself some questions about it: "what does this mean to me? why? what are the key terms? what are some good counter-examples? \\rhat are some good supporting pro-examples? why are thes_e examples good? what do they tell me abb"t the meaning and - you applicability of the statement?" may not be able to answer all oithese questions in great depth at first, but if you start off by thinking of them, then you will avoid unpleasant surprises later in the writing process. It is al*ays b"ite. to face your problems as early as possible, because i-n"r-, yo,, don't have to try to write your way out of a compositional dead-end later on. ln sumrnary, although Task #1 can be intimidating, it is very important. write an outline of your essay. If it remains troublesome, break it down into pieces that are easier to deal with. Then, reconstitute the parts into a new interpretation of

the whole. Make sure that your exploration and thought in this task

is

developed adequately. Don't make statements without explaining why you say them, or without telling the reader why they are imporLnt. This should be a Copyright

@


l8


't

il t

t

fairly

long paragraph. Don't just restate the topic

with

new words and then

move on. Read other people's essays to get an idea of how they deal with the first task. Learn from their strengths and their weaknesses. Also, reread your own practice essays. How could you have dealt with the first part better? Can yousee how a stronger opening paragraph would have fortified the rest of the essay? Make outlines of all of the essay topics, even if you don't write the entire essay for each prompt. This teaches you how to think along the lines that the designers of the Writing Sample want you to explore.

Task Two: Describe a specific situation wrong to lie.

in which it might not be

The second task asks you to describe a specific situation in which the topic sentence might not be true. In the example statement above, you would need to think of an occasion when it would not be wrong to 1ie. It is generally much easier to do this as you develop your outline and before you have actually begun writing the essay, because this gives you greater freedom in selecting your counter-example. Think of more than one, to avoid the error of stereotyped thinking (generalizing from a small and/or unrepresentative sample). If you have defined the key terms too narrowly, you might also have limited your choices for counter-examples, and this can be a problem. Thinking of counterexamples can even help you address the first task more clearly, because i t provides you with a sense of what the statement means to you. be specific! The task explicitly a specific situation in which the statement might not be true. For some reason, many test-takers have trouble with this part of the assignment. They don't seem to understand what the MCAT means by "specific situation." A specific situation is one where you can specify names, times, places, and quantities. Compare it to a general situation, which can be described with

When presenting your counter-example, you ffiust asks you to describe

less precise language. Let's look at an example of each. First, a general example:

"If a doctor has to perform a dangerous procedure but doesn't want to cause her patient excessive fear or stress, then it would be acceptable for the doctor to lie about the risks of the procedure."

General counterexample.

Compare this to a specific situation: "My grandmother's physician had to perform a risky procedure. Unfortunately, ny grandmother has hypertension, and the doctor knew that if she became anxious about the procedure, the risk to her health wouid have been greatly increased. The doctor talked to us about her diiemma, and we all decided that it would be better if she lied about the risks of the procedure, in order to protect my grandmotl-rer against her own anxieties. V\rhen it was time for the procedure, my grandmother was relaxed, and the procedure worked without a hitch."

Specif

ic

counter-

example.

What do you observe about these two statements? First, you might notice that the specific counter-example is longer than the general one. This is important, because the more there is to your example, the more you have to talk about. h'r this specific case, you can actually discuss the meanings of key words from the topic statement as they apply to a specific context. This increases the depth of your exploration into the topic statement and the development of your ideas.


t9

The B€rkeley Review Specializing in MCAT Preparation

Also, the specific case is more interesting; it reads more like a narrative and less like a lab report. This serves to hold the reader's attention and keeps them interested in what you have to say. Perhaps most importantly, you can talk about the repercussions of the specific example and use that to help reinforce your point. As you read a general example, it is very easy to come up with alternative hypothetical situations that contradict it. For instance, one might question the ethics of a doctor performing a procedure without full disclosure to the patient. with no specifics, there is less to prevent a reader from coming up with refutations to yourexample. It is harder to challenge the decision to lie made in the specific example above than it is to challenge the general case.

Another helpful quality of specific examples is that they give you more to talk about and provide you with more ammunition for Task #3's discussion of criteria. Notice all of the extra information we have in the second example: family participation, Grandmother's health condition and personality, the doctor's ability to communicate with the family, and the positive results of the lie. These can all have a bearing on your arguments about lying and when it is wrong, but it would be more difficult to talk about them in conjunction with the first, more general example. As you can see from the second counter-example, it could be acceptable to choose examples from your or.tn experience. Lr fact, for many of the topic statements, especially those dealing with ethical issues, personal experiences can often provide the best examples, because they individualize your essay--no one else has had experiences exactly like yours--and often allow you to express your thoughts more compellingly. But examples can also come from history, current events, books (fiction and nonfiction), movies, folktales, biographies, religion, or whatever else you can think of that applies to your arguments. The important thing is to be as specific as possible, and to make sure that your eiample illustrates your argument as effectively as possible.

A note about logical consistency:

that in some essay prompts, such as the one we have been ("It is always wrong to lie"), the qualifiers in the prompt might be

You might notice discussing

absolute, i.e., "always" or "never." These understandably must be changed in your interpretation of the topic statement to words like "sometimes" or "ever" when you get to the second and third tasks of the essay. otherwise, those tasks could not be completed.

Task Three: Discuss what you eaer wrong to lie, Providing a criterion to guide the reader (criterion, pl. criteria: a standard, rule, or principle by which a judgement is formed, used to evaluate or test something).

I

is

20

I

,!

The third and final task of the MCAT writing Sample is typically the most demanding one for most essay-writers. It asks you to discuss what you think determines the conditions under which the rule that is expressed or implied in the topic statement is applicable. Lr other words, you need to discuss the criterion that determines when the statement applies and when it doesn't. This third task completes the discussion of the meaning of the topic statement and outlines the limitations for its applicability. Task #3 finishes the development of your ideas, yet remains focused cn the specifics of the topic at nano. tt explains why the rule in the topic statement applies in some cases and not in others. Whether you choose to discuss one criterion or several criteria will depend cn the topic and cn how the particular essay you are writing has developed. A single criterion is preferable to a long list of determining factors.


,ffi|

think determines uthether it


I

A long list of determining factors is too specific and has not been sufficiently generalized; at the other end of the spectrum is a criterion rc general that i t could apply to anything: "The thing that determines whether is it ever wrong to lie is who the individual is and who they are lying to." Or: "It all depends m your situation." The problem with such generalities is not that they are false, but that they are not particularly illuminating as they are expressed. Something more must be added. If your definition of lying in Task #1 involved the concept of deception, the element of a lie that typically results in a loss of trust in the liar, and if your counter-examples in Task #2 all involved instances in which the liar's deception did not produce that result (such as bluffing your buddies in a poker game, where lying is expected behavior, or throwing a surprise birthday party for your sister), then your criterion in Task #3 might be: "The thing that determines whether it is ever wrong to lie is whether the deception of the lie does or could destroy the trust of one whose trust we value."

A common problem that people have with the third task is that they sometimes use Task #3 to make an absolute conclusion with regard to the validity of the thesis expressed by the topic statement. For the purposes of the MCAT Writing Sample, you do not want to make any arguments that conclusively support or attack the validity of the statement. Your job is only to analyze the statement and construct a well-conceived argument that helps the reader understand the limitations and applicability of the statement. You do not need to build toward a conclusion about the statement's validity at all. The structure dictated by the writing instructions of the MCAT Writing Sample effectively concludes the essay by itself, if properly applied.

A common mistake with the third task: Concluding that the essay topic statement is definitely true or f

alse.

Preparation for the Writing Sample In many ways, preparation for the Writing Sample is similar to preparation for the Verbal Reasoning section of the MCAT. This makes sense, since they deal with complementary verbal skills--writing and reading. Your preparation for these sections of the test will overlap most when you do outside readings. Outside readings consist of articles and other texts, which you select from sources outside of your field of study. You should select your sources from well-respected journals and publications where the writing is of a high quality. You should try to read in many different areas of interest, especially areas with which you are unfamiliar. And you should read these texts slowly and carefully, noticing how the writers work their craft. Analyze their arguments, the strength of their evidence, the way ideas flow throughout the essay. Notice which articles are the most convincing. Ask yourself why they have such an effect on you, and think about how you might reproduce that effect in your or.rm writings. Also notice which arguments seem weak. Why do you think they are weak? What would you do differently that might make the argument stronger?

There are several reasons why it is advisable to do outside reading. First, i t gives you many examples of how arguments can be constructed. You will see how different topics call for different kinds of reasoning, evidence, and argument. An essay about history may look very different from one about ethics, and an essay that asks you to consider the probability of harm resulting from an action could be unlike the structure of an essay that is all about the definition of some abstract concept--but each will provide valuable lessons about essay writing. Second, learning to think about many different subjects will help you when you have to construct an argument of your own about an unfamiliar subject. In other words, the outside reading will give you more flexibility in your thinking. It Copyright @ by The Berkeley Review

21

Read essays about new and unfamiliar sub jects:

to

appreciate the variety of essay styles,

to gain flexibility

and

breadth.


will

also broaden your experience, which can help bv giving you material and specific examples to write about in your essay, as u-ell as giving you something interesting to talk about in your medicai school interviews.

to learn new writing tech n iq ues.

Third, outside reading

cari give you examples of different writing techniques that you might want to use in your own essays. Noticing how a writer introduces his or her topic can help you introduce the topic of your Writing Sample essay. Studying how an author makes transitions between different thoughts can teach you how to tie the three tasks together into a seamless, cohesive unit. And observing how an author unifies everything at the end of an essay can show you what you need to do to complete your explorations and close your arguments and

ideas effectively. Practice

Training for timed

writing.

When preparing for the MCAT Writing Sampie, it is advisable to figure out how to write a good essay before you start worrying about time. Therefore, when you practice your initial essays, you should take as much time as you need to make sure that you have satisfied all three tasks and developed your ideas as thoroughly as possible. C.o back and rewrite the whole essay, if that would be helpful. When you do so, notice the changes you have made. Ask yourself how you might have avoided these changes by getting them right the first time around. Only after you have begun to master the MCAT Writing Sample style should you start to worry about issues of time. And even then, you must ease into it. Start by allowing yourself 45 minutes, then gradually, over a period of several weeks, work your way dorm to 40, 35, and finally 30 minutes tm timed writing sessions. Of course, many students run out of things to write about long before their thirty minutes have expired. one way to learn how to generate ideas is to sit down

Discussing essay topics in a group.

with other students and talk about the various practice essay topics. Try to come up with examples, both pro and cory of the topic in action. Talk about how you would start the essay. Talk about the factors that determine when the rule in the topic statement is applicable. By talking with others, you are practicing the conversational thinking that is so helpful when writing for the MCAT. It will give you practice in generating many ideas and also will give you more insight into how other people think about various topics.

Reading essays out loud.

Sharing and comparing written essays with others.

When evaluating your own writing, one of the best methods is to read it to yourself out laud! For some reason, students really resist this advice; but when you read your own work to yourself, you hear things that somehow remain hidden on silent readings. You will notice grammatical mistakes, because they will sor.rnd funny to your ear. But, more importantly, you will notice areas that just don't make a lot of sense, areas that are logically flawed or awkwardly written. If it sounds strange to your ear, then it might strike others as strange and might bother a grader when he or she is reading your essay. Eventually, you will learn to write as if you were talking onto the page. This will not only make your writing sound more natural and flowing, it will help you write faster. Another analytical technique for the Writing Sample is to share your work with others. It is especially useful to share it with other people who are also taking the MCAT, because they will be familiar with the demands of the Writing Sample essay and will be able to point out areas where you are offcourse. Also, sharing your work with others (and having them share theirs with you) will give you ideas for different ways to express your thoughts- You rnay be


22


uncomfortable sharing your work with others at first, but you have to decide it is more important for you to be comfortable or to succeed on the MCAT. If you are going to grade someone else's paper, don't be too indirect in your criticism. Tell that person where they are weak, where they are strong, and what you think they should do differently. The point of sharing is to get

whether

valuable feedback that will help develop writing skills, not to create an illusion of quality that isn't there.


23


Hss4y TOpiC Staternemts

for lilrriting Practice Essays

'rfie

Speci altztng

ir MCAT Preparation

Instructions For each statement below, write an essay in which you perform the following tasks:

(1) (2) (3)

Explain what you think the statement means.

Describe a specific situation that you think represents a counterexample to what is asserted by the statement.

Discuss what you think determines whether the point

of view

expressed in the statement or the one suggested by the counter-example is more persuasive and under what conditions you find this to be so.

'1.

"That action is best which procures the greatest happiness for the greatest number."

.,

The role of a scientist is to explain the natural world, not to impart values.

3. The only argument for capital punishment is that "justice

equals

revenge.tt

4.

journalists should always be strictly objective.

5.

Freedom of expression should be absolute.

6. Limited terms of office would make elected officials

more

accountable to those who elect them.

7.

Governing with the consent of the governed is more effective than governing by decree.

8. 9.

Health care is a right, not

a

privilege.

The responsibility of public education is to teach skills, rather than values.

10.

The mass media have a duty to cover all sides of a news story.

11.

"A liar should have

12.

The person who buys pornography harms no one by doing so.

13.

One has an obligation to report the irregular behavior of a coworker to a supervisor.

14.

"Government, even in its best state, is but

a good

memory."

15. Killing is never justified. 'L6. A good citizen votes in every

a necessary

evil."

election.

17.

The price of something

18.

Violence in films is unnecess ary for making an artistic statement.

19.

Freedom is the greatest desire of every individual.

20,

'rThe secret to being a bore is to tell everything."


will not always reflect its value.

21


Look carefully at each statement before you begin to write. Make sure that the choice of alternatives being presented is clear to you. For example, suppose the statement's recommended course of action is to "limit the terms of office for elected officials"--that would be alternative A. But what is alternative B? The implied alternative B is to let the present system continue, permitting incumbents in the state and federal legislatures to hold their positions for as long as they wish to stand for re-election. The basic idea of the essay is to compare two opinions or two ways of looking at the same problern, without necessarily acting as the adaocate or the champion of one solution over the other. Make sure that you allot yourself enough time to perform all three tasks that are requested of you for each statement. Notice that you are not being asked here to argue to a conclusion strongly in favor of either altemative presented in the statement. Simply explain what you think the statement means (define the key terms as you interpret them or as you intend to use them in your essay, and perhaps say what it would mean to implement the statement's proposed plan of action or its recommended way of seeing a situation). Then present some specific situation in which you think alternative B might be preferable to alternative A, the one favored by the author of the statement. You may draw this counter-example from the pages of history, from personal

experience, or from your imagination. Finally, set forth the criteria or guidelines by which you think any reasonable person should be able to determine whether A or B is the better alternative for a given situation or a set of circumstances. You will often find that your guidelines have been determined by how you defined key terms in the statement.

If you find this difficult at first, try writing your initial essay without imposing any time limitations upon yourself. Just get a feel for identifying the two alternatives being presented--maybe it will help to write them out in a standard format for each statement--and then organize the structure of your essay to conform to the three tasks. When you feel more confident, ask someone to time you for 30 minutes per essay, the amount of time you will have on the test. At first you may want to do the writing samples in your own handwriting. However, if you feel ready, you may practice typing them.


28


Practice Essays

Writing Sample I

Consider this statement:

l

"That action is best which procures the greatest happiness for the greatest number." Francis Hutcheson, lnquiry Concerning Moral Good and EoiI (1720)

Write a unified essay in which you perform the following tasks: Explain what you think the above statement means. Describe a specific situation in which the best action might not be the one that procures the greatest happiness for the greatest number. Discuss what you think determines whether the best action is the one that procures the greatest happiness for the greatest number.

Copyright

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l r

Practice Essays

Writing Sample I

I

I

I

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The Berkeley Keview Specializing in MCAT Preparation

Practice Dssays

Writing Sample 2

Consider this statement: The role of a scientist is to explain the natural world, not to impart values.

Write a unified essay in which you perform the following tasks: Explain what you think the statement means. Describe a specific situation in which the role of a scientist might b- to impart values. Discuss what you think determines whether the role of a scientist is to explain the natural world or to impart values.

t]

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I $

I 4 l (

ll

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Practice Essays

Writing Sample 2

IF YOU NEED MOKE SPACD, PLEASE CONTINI.JD ON TTID NDXT PAGD. Copyright

@



Practice Essays

Writing Sample 5

Consider this statement: The only argument for capital punishment is that "justice equals revenge."

Write a unified essay in which you perform the following tasks: Explain what you think the statement means. Describe a specific situation in which a person might argue in favor of capital punishment for some reason other than a desire for revenge. Discuss what you think determines (i.e., how you can tell) whether a person who argues in favor of capital punishment is really doing so out of a desire for revenge, or for some other reason.


3'7


Practice Essays

Writing Sample 5

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Practice Dssays

Writing Sample 4


Journalists should always be strictly objective.

Write a unified essay in which you perform the following tasks: Explain what you think the above statement means. Describe a specific situation in which a journalist perhaps should not be strictly objective. Discuss what you think determines whether a journalist should be strictly objective at all times or not.


4t


Practice Essays

Writing Sample 4

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iffiiii:l:


Cq

Practice Dssays

Writing Sampte 5

Consider this statement: Freedom of expression should be absolute.

Write a unified essay in which you perform the following tasks: Explain what you think the above statement means. Describe a specific situation in which freedom of expression perhaps should not be absolute. Discuss what you think determines whether freedom of expression should be absolute or not.


45


Practice Essays

Writing Sample 5

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The Berkeley Keview Specializing in MQAT preparation

Practice Essays

Writing Sample 6


Limited terms of office would make elected officials more accountable to those who elect them.

Write a unified essay in which you perform the following tasks: Explain what you think the above statement means. Describe a specific situation in which limited terms of office might not make elected officials more accountable to those who elect them. Discuss what you think determines whether limited terms of office would make elected officials more accountable or not.

Copyright

@


49

The Berkeley R€view Specializing in MCAT Preparation

Practice Essays

Writing Sample 6

?p

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Practice Essays

Writing Sample 7


Governing with the consent of the governed is more effective than governing by decree.

Write a unified essay in which you perform the following tasks: Explain what you think the statement means. Describe a specific situation in which governing by decree might be more effective than goveming with the consent of the governed. Discuss what you think determines whether goveming with the consent of the govemed or goveming by decree is more effective.


53

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Practice Essays

l,Ilriting Sample 7

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Practice Essays

Writing Sampte

B


Health care is a right, not

a

privilege.

write a unified essay in which you perform the following tasks: Explain what you think the statement means. Describe a specific situation in which health care might be thought o] as a privilege, rather than a right. Discuss what you think determines whether health care is a right of a privilege.


51


Practice Essays

IF YOU FIEDD MOKE SPACE, PLDASE Copyright

@


Writing Sample

CONTIITII,JD ON TTID ITEXT

B

PAGE.


Practice Essays

Writing Sample 9

Consider this statement: The responsibility of public education is to teach skills, rather than values.

Write a unified essay in-which you perform the following tasks: Explain what you think the above statement me-ans',Describe a specific situation in which the responslbility of public education might be to teach values, rather than skills. Discuss what you think determines whether ih" ,"rpor,sibility of public education is to teach skills or values.


61


Practice Essays

Writing Sample 9

il -

a

.{irr

,* .;.r

IF YOU NDDD MOBD SPACD, PLEASE CONTIIT{IJD ON THD NDXT PACE. Copyright

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Practice Essays

Writing Sample lO

Consider this statement: The mass media have a duty to cover all sides of a news story.

Write a unified essay in which you perform the following tasks: Explain what you think the above statement means. Describe a specific situation in which the mass media might not have a duty to cover all sides of a news story. Discuss what you think determines whether the mass media have a duty to cover all sides of a news story.


65


Practice Essays

ro

Writing Sampte lO

ro

ro

ro

ro

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@



Practice Essays

Writing Sample I I


"A liar should have

a

good memory." Quintilian,

De Institutione Oratorin (1st

century AD)

Write a unified essay in which you perform the following tasks: Explain what you think the above statement means: Describe a specific situation in which a liar might not necessarily need a good memory. Discuss what you think determines whether a liar should have a good memory.


69


Practice Essays

1t

Writing Sampte I I

ll

tl

tl

ll

IF YOU NDDD MORD SPACD, PLDASD CONTINI,JN ON TTIE NEXT PAGD. Copyright @ by The Berkeley Review


Practice Essays

Writing Sample 12

Consider this statement: The person who buys pornography harms no one by doing so.

Write a unified essay in which you perform the following tasks: Explain what you think the statement means. Describe a specific situation in which the person who buys pornography harms someone by doing so. Discuss what you think determines whether buying pornography harms someone.


t)


Practice Essays

t2

Writing Sample 12

t2

t2

t2

t2

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Practice Dssays

Writing Sample l3

Consider this statement: One has an obligation to report the irregular behavior of a coworker to a supervisor.

Write a unified essay in which you perform the following tasks: Explain what you think the statement means. Describe a specific situation in which one might not have an obligation to report a coworker's irregular behavior to a supervisor. Discuss what you think determines whether one has an obligation to report a coworker's irregular behavior to a supervisor.

Copyright

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Practice Essays

t3

Illlriting Sample l5

t3

t3

t3

t3

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Practice Essays

Writing Sample 14


"Government, even in its best state, is but a necessary evil." Thomas Paine, Common Sense (7776)

Write a unified essay in which you perform the following tasks: Explain what you think the above statement means. Describe a specific situation in which government might be thought of as something other than a necessary evil. Discuss what you think determines whether government is or is not a necessary evil.


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Practice Essays

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Writing Sample 14

t4

t4

t4

t4

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,

Practice Dssays

Writing Sampte 15


Killing is never justified. Write a unified essay in which you perform the following tasks: Explain what you think the above statement in which killing might be justified. Discuss what you think determines

means. Describe a specific situation whether killing is ever justified.


8s


Practice Essays

r5

Writing Sample 15

r5

r5

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r5

CONTIFTI.JD ON

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Practice Essays

Writing Sample 16


A good citizen votes in every election.

Write a unified essay in which you perform the following tasks: Explain what you think the above statement means. Describe a specific situation in which a good citizen might not vote in every election. Discuss what you think determines whether a good citizen votes in every election.

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@


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Practice Essays

r6

Illriting Sampte

t6

r6

r6

16

r6

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Practice Essays

Writing Sample 17

Consider this statement: The price of something

will not always reflect its value.

write a unified essay in which you perform the following tasks: Explain what you think the above statement Tuult: Describe a specific situation in which the price of a thing actualy might reflect its value. Discuss what vou think determines whether the price of something reflects its value or not.

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Practice Essays

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Writing Sample

l7

t7

t7

17

t7

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Practice Dssays

Writing Sample

l8


Violence in films is unnecessary for making an artistic statement.

Write a unified essay in which you perform the following tasks: Explain what you think the above statement means. Describe a specific situation in which violence in a film might be necessary for making an artistic statement. Discuss what you think determines whether violence in films is necessary for making an artistic statement.


97


Practice Essays

rB

Writing Sample lB

rB

rB

rB

rB

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Practice Essays

Writing Sample 19

Consider this statement: Freedom is the greatest desire of every individual.

Write a unified essay in which you perform the following tasks; Explain what you think the statement means. Describe a specific situation in which freedom might not be the greaiest desire oi ro*" individual. Discuss what you think determines whether freedom is the greatest desire of an individual.


l0l

The Berkeley Review Specializitrg in MCAT Preparation

Practice Essays

r9

Writing Sample

r9

r9

r9

l9

r9

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Practice Essays

Writing Sample 2O

Consider this statement: "The secret to being

a

bore is to tell everything." Voltaire, SEt discours en aers sur I'homme (1738)

Write a unified essay in which you perform the following tasks: Explain what you think the above statement means. Describe a specific situation in which the secret to being a bore might not be to tell everything. Discuss what you think determines whether telling everything is the secret to being a bore.


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Practice Essays

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Writing Sample 2O

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IF YOU NDED MORE SPACE, PLEASE CONTINIJE ON TIID NEXT PAGE. Copyright O by The Berkeley Review


Sample Essays

with Commentary

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EIERI{ELEY l)6-.

p. y.1.-E- wt Speci altztng i^ MCAT Preparation

Sample Essays The following essays show how some students have responded to a few of the essay topic statements given in this book (as well as to other statements not contained in this book, but which were found in practice exams). They have been included at the request of many former participants in The Berkeley Review, who wanted to have some standard against which to compare their own writing sample, as well as something to emulate in improving their essay composition style.

Although they were written by students in The Berkeley Review, these essays should not be regarded as typical of what most students will produce in a writing time of only thirty minutes. For one thing, most of the grammatical and spelling errors in the original essays have been edited out, and they have been neatly reproduced to fit onto a single page (rather than the original two or three fixed pages) for easier reading and side-by-side comparison with other essays. Second, the average length and complexity of these essays are considerably greater than most ordinary mortals (including the instructors for this part of the course) could put together in a legible style in thirty minutes or less. The typical Berkeley Review student in timed writing samples in class produces a first-draft effort of three to five paragraphs (three being much more often the case than four or five), with a tally of somewhere between 200 and 400 words. Only one of the essays included among this sample matches that general description, with a few of them exceeding 500 or even 600 words. For some appreciation of what must go on in the mind of a person who is capable of such a prodigious effort, the curious student might try just copying one of the longer essays by hand within the time constraint of a half-hour, and then imagine trying to do that motor function nnd organizing a first-rate piece of writing in your brain simultaneously. It is a humbling experience for most of us--again, we include the current faculty for this course.

Yet it should not be an intimidating or a demoralizing experience. Nor should an

excellent essay be thought of as something beyond the aspiring student's reach,

although writing of this volume and quality requires considerable diligent practice. The authors of the MCAT Prectice Test III booklet (01995 by the Association of American Medical Colleges, page 127), in commenting on an essay very similar in word count and complexity to those presented here, an essay which they understandably scored with the highest grade of 6, praise the writer's clarity, depth of analysis, and superior command of the language--but regarding the unusual length of this writing sample, they are silent. Maybe they did not even consider it to be unusually long. Take comfort in this knowledge as well: Even the very best writers do not do equally well with every essay prompt handed to them. The Molecular and Cell Biology major who wrote the essay on whether good citizens vote in every election wasn't particularly good at writing about art, and the shy young woman with hopes of becoming a pediatrician who wrote about whether the practice of capital punishment is rooted in a desire for revenge was stumped about how to begin that essay--until we suggested she draw upon her writing experience in any other class, and she remembered details from an article she had written for her journalism course. Other contributors used things they had learned in classes on poetry and philosophy, and only one of the authors (whose work appears twice in this sample) was very good at anything we asked him to write about. Characteristically for all the students who have ever taken the course and talked to us during office hours about their writing attempts, he was very critical of his work and more aware of room for improvement than of his obvious virtues. Copyright

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In any event, our hope in assembling these minor masterpieces from recent years of teaching this review course has been to inspire and tb instruct, and never to discourage. Perhaps one day an essay of your own might be included among them. To take a look at other essays of the same kind, using topic statements and essay prompts that either have appeared or are similar to those that have appeared on past versions of the MCAT, check out the materials released by the AAMC The essays presented in our collection would probably all receive giades of either 5 or 6. The commentary accompanying each essay here is not intended to be a rigorous analysis of the essay's strengths and defects from an MCAT scorer's point oi view. Instead, it represents one writing instructor's personal reflections on and general

suggestions about an individual writer's style, the approach he or she took or might have taken, the wording that was used, the important related issues brought up by a particular essay topic, and so on. Because Task #3 is the most difficult one for most students, it has been summarized for each essay in italics at the beginning of the commentary. It would be a mistake for the student to regard any of these italicized summaries as the only correct solution to its correspo.tding essay, since there seems to be no one perfect way to construct an argument--only

better ways and worse ways. In future editions of this book, it is possible that more than one sample essay per topic statement may be included to give a broader idea of the variety of excellent techniques students have employed-in the past to write good essays under timed practice conditions at home o.ln ilass.

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"A good citizen votes in every election." Let us consider a good citizen to be someone who does more than merely obey all laws and causes no offense to others, but who also contributes to the common good of society by organizing civic groups, for example , or by giving time and money to charities. Voting contributes to the common good. It is participation in the decisionmaking process that creates our laws and elects our government officials. The passive, law-abiding aspect of good citizenship and the active, social-involvement aspect of it together reflect an ideal that exceeds the legal definition of being a natural-born or naturalized citizen. Some people, in fact, might be called "good citizens" even when they are legally not citizens at all, because their public behavior marks them so obviously as good neighbors and assets to their community.

Clearly, then, saying "a good citizen votes in every election" does not mean that voting in every election is a special kind of behavior which by itself automatically confers the label of "good citizen" on any individual who performs it' That is, it cannot be true that if one votes in every election, then by definition one is a good citizen, because it is possible to imagine individuals of a strikingly uncharitable or non-law-abiding charactei who might still make it to the polls every election without fail (perhaps because of some compulJive personality halt). Instead, it seems more reasonable to read this statement as saying the reverse: one is a goocl ciiizen, then Lne will f very likely demonstrate that innate goodness by voting in every election, u-ong other worthy deeds one might do that contribute to the public welfare. When might a good citizen not vote? -became a naturalized citizen,

rl

Many examples suggest themselves: The elderly immigrant who never but who raises funds for the locil library. The 16-year-olj candylstriper hospital volunteer who is too young to vote (and many candidates win their elections with the il"tp tf youthful campaigners not old enough to cast a ballot for them). The paroled felon who coaches late-night Uuit"tUutt games to keep kids in his old neighborhood off the streets and out of the crack wars that sent him to"lait. The individual who--deprived of even a write-in protest option--expresses disgust with a field of ineffective oi corrupt candidates by refusing to give any of them their voter's seal of approval. What about the citizen who has made &ery effort to educate themselves about the candidates and issues in an upcoming election, but who still feels so confusecl that they fear they might make the wrong choices in the voting booth, causing more harm than good? Some good citizens can't read, and some are mentally disabled. Finally, there is the gotd citizen who usullly does vote, but who suddenly falls ill on election day, too late to file for an absentee ballot. In each case just described, some obstacle prevents the individual from voting: A legal limitation arising from citizenship status, or age, or paroled criminal status; a limitation of conscien-ce or inadequate knowl"ig"; o physical limitation. To the extent that a good citizen is free from such limitations and able to participate, we find that generally they do vote in every election, or at least in most of them, because it is in their natureio contribute willingly and regularly to the common good.


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Commentary on the essay "A good citizen votes in every election." The thing thst determines whether a good citizen aotes in eaery election

to which they are impeded from aoting Uy "ny Iimiting factors (such as legal constraints, limitationi imposed by one's conscience or lack of knowledge, or physical is the extent

disabilities).

"To the extent that a good citizen

is free from sttch find that genernlly they do uote in of them, because it is in thiir nature to

limitqtions and nble to participate, euery election, or at lenst in most

zue

contribute willingly and regularly to the common good.,,

This essay is representative of a family of essays, which essentially all ask the question: "If people know the right thing to do, why don,t they do itz" And th" answer to all of them generally boils down to this: "It all depends on the degree to which they are willing and able to do the right thing.,' If anlndividual realf does not know right from wrong, that can be thought of as one kind of limitaiion or limiting factor in itself. Not caring enough to do the right thing, on the other hand, demonstrates a lack of willingness. (The practice -essay in this book that deals with restricting the number of times an elected official can hold office as a way of making him or her more accountable to their constituents is effectivelv handled as another essay of this variety--the proposed remedy will have littll effect on utterly corrupt politicians who are unwilling to carry out their campaign promises, or on politicians facing, say, a filibuster or a shoriage of funds sb that they are unable to carry out their campaign promises). The writer of this essay has chosen to define a good citizen as a person actively willing to "contribute to the common good," -hlch he says necessarily includes

voting regularly, because voting represents "participation in the decision-making process that creates our laws and elects our government officials." If he had been content with defining a good citizen only as someone who obeys all laws and offends no one (the "passive" aspect of citizenship), he could not have used the "willing and able" resolution to this essay that he does employ so well. That is, it would have been difficult for him to argue that passively gbod citizens necessarily vote on a regular basis,, since voting is not required by law in many countriei, including the US. In the initial paragraph, he also explores the notion that ,'good citizens" are not necessarily legal citizens--meaning he will be able to use some individuals of this description as possible counter-examples for Task #2. This

kind of forethought is an indicator of an exceptional degree of mental

organization in a writer. Finally, he implies that the phrase "good citizen" is most nearly synonymous with "good neighbor" or "asset to [one's] community."

If the organization is good in this essay, the clarity of thought is even more pronounced, as we see in the second paragraph. There, the writer dispels a fundamental and almost invisible ambiguity inherent in the topic statement, which technically can be understood as saying two entirely difierent--in fact, opposite--things: "ffone votes in every election, then by definition one is a good citizen," or:"If one is a good citizen, then one will very likely demonstratJthat innate goodness by voting in every election." Which is it? The writer chooses the second interpretation and provides the reason for his selection: There could be sinister people roaming about who vote and do other good things for society, but who could not be regarded in any sense as genuine issets to t-heir community. one is reminded of John wayne Gacy, the seriar killer who by day enjoyed donning clown makeup to entertain children, and then returned home every night Copyright @ by The Berkeley Review

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to a house filled with the rotting bodies of his victims hidden beneath the floorboards. (It is reported that he even shook hands with First Lady Rosalyn Carter on one occasion, as a member of a group of Chicago citizens being honored

publicly for their outstanding contributions to society!) The message here is the same as what the writer is trying to convey: Doing a few good deeds, in and of itself, does not automatically make anyone a "good citizen." But it is rare to find inherently helpful and civic-minded people who lack a record of public service to demonstrate those character traits.

The third paragraph contains perhaps the most amazing profusion of counterexamples found in any essay in our collection, and it reveals very strongly the benefit of generating a large, diverse, and representative sample of items in order to avoid the error of stereotyped or overly generalized thinking. Most writers, even if they can think of this many specific examples or counter-examples of anything, have neither the time nor the inclination to put them all on paper. They wisely elect to write about the best example or two in their mental list--and by "best," we mean the strongest, most accessible, and least likely to be argued away. But here, the effect is overwhelming--eight counter-examples in one paragraph! And the thing they all have in common is the criterion used to conclude Task #3.

This is an outstanding piece of essay writing, combining the best aspects of deductive and inductive reasoning.


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The Berkeley Revlew Specializing in MCAT Preparation

"The only argument for capital punishment is that'justice equals revenge.'

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On the morning of July 5, 1978 Robert Alton Harris and his brother, Daniel, abducted two teenage boys a hamburger stand in San Diego. He drove the boys to a remote area, shot them at close range with'a ninemillimeter Luger, and then sat down next to their corpses while he ate their hamburgers. He was irrested after a failed robbery attempt, in which he used the car originally driven by his victims. Po'iice officer Steven Baker, one of the first to arrive at the crime scene, was unaware that his own son, Michael, had been slain by Harris. Fourteen years and two dozen appeals later, Baker stood at the window of the San Quentin gas chamter to witness the execution of his son's murderer. Harris was strapped in a chair. Two pellets beneath it dropped into a vat of acid, and deadly clouds of cyanide gas swirled about the head of the condemned man. At the lasi minute, Harris gazed, into the grieving father's eyes, his mouth soundlessly forming the words: "I'm sorry." Baker turned away from the window. Nothing anyone said or did now would bring back his son. To his mind, this was not justice. leaving

Outside the prison, people who knew Robert Alton Harris only as a name in a celebrated trial had gathered for his death watch. "An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth!" shouted one faction of the crowd in a spiritif equal parts anger and jubilation. "And what will that leave us with," murmured a man in the other faction, a candlelight vigil protesting the execution, "except a world of blind and toothless men?" TV cameras focused on another man in the crowd, who said he didn't understand why some people accused people like himself of seeking revenge. "lt's just simple justice that we want," he said. "We only want what's right.;' Like most who had followel the case, he did not know the families of the dead teenagers, nor had he suffered a personal loss similar to theirs. But the story obviously had touched something deep within him--feelings of shock, bewilderment, and outrage at the senselessness of Harris's crimes. "He took a life, and he should pay with a life. Somebody's got to pay foiwhat he did, right? I only hope he suffers as much as those two kids he kiilea." "Funny _ because it

thing about wanting revenge," said a woman at the prayer vigil. "We're taught to be ashamed of it, comes out of anger, and we're supposed to be able to contiol u.["r, or at least ise above it. Especially 'decent, God-fearing Christians' who quote the Old Testament to defend staL-approved murder. They know ]esus said to 'turn the other cheek.' They try to sound like they hold the moral high gilund, but in their hearts everyone

who argues for capital punishment just wants revenge. So they say appeased."

iis 6od who's angry

and needs io be

Maybe so. Yet there seems little reason to doubt the sincerity of the Texas family who begged their local parole board to keep their daughter's killer behind bars for life, fearing he would carry out his proriise to kill them after they testified against him. They had hoped in vain for the deith sentence in his case. Anger alone is the e,motion that inspires revenge. It can coexist with other motivating factors (such as fear) witho"ut invalidating them as legitimate personal drives behind seeking capital punishment. But not until all of those other possible motivating factors have been eiiminated--and not unless the advocate for capital punishment expresses o.iy urrg",. and the desire for retribution in at least the same degree and kind as the oif"t"tt" committed Uy tfre criminal--&n we say that the only argurnent for capital punishment is that "justice equals revenge," because inly then can we be certain that the apPeasement of anger uniquely fulfills an individual's conditions of moral satisfaction regarding punishment for a particr-rlar crime.

: Copyright @ by The Berkeley Review

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Commentary on the essay "The only argument for capital punishment is that tjustice equals revenge.t " The thing that determines whether the only argument for cnpital punishment is that " justice equals reaenge" is the extent to which we can be certain that the appeasement of anger alone fulfills an

indiztidual's conditions of moral satisf action regarding for a particular crime, " Anger alone is the emotion that inspires reaenge, It can coexist with other motianting fnctors (such ss

punishment

fear) without inaslidnting them as legitimate personal driaes behind seeking capital punishment. Not until all of those other possible motiaating factors haae been eliminnted--nnd not unless the adaocate for capital punishment expresses only anger and the desire for retribution in nt lenst the same degree and kind as the offense committed by the criminal--can lfie say that the only argument for capital punishment is that' justice equals reaenge.' "

This is in many ways the most difficult essay in this practice series given to students to write, and it is rather unlikely to appear on the MCAT as a topic statement (at least, in this form). At the same time, you have good reason to feel confident in your reasoning and writing abilities, if you are able to pull it off in thirty minutes with the elegance demonstrated by this writer. First of all, the topic calls for a definition of two terms that get at the very heart of human desire and emotion: "justice" and "revenge". What do they mean, and what does it mean to equate the two ("justice equals revenge")? Second, all of that has to be fit within the context of a social debate, a highly emotional argument about the state's execution of individuals found guilty of committing certain crimes, an execution done in the name of the citizens of the state. Is the desire for revenge invariably at the root of this practice, as some have charged? And why is it a charge or an accusation capable of irritating proponents of capital punishment, to say that all they want is revenge? If it's true, why are people ashamed to admit it? If it's false, why do people make this false claim? The writer uses the clever idea of setting out this debate in the words of real people talking to television reporters. Then there is the requirement of the essay to come up with a specific counterexample, and here several students show they have not read the assignment for Task #2 carefully. The task in this case is not to find arguments against capital punishment, but arguments for capital punishment that have nothing to do with revenge. Of course, if you have not figured out by this point in your reflections that you need a definition for "revenge" to do that task, then your powers of organization and clear thinking are not up to the demands of this topic, even if

your vocabulary is first-rate and your attempts to keep your development coherent and focused are more than apparent. Last of all, for task #3, the writer

has to take a stab at formulating a test for revenge, based on some distinctive feature by which it can be recognized as the motivating force behind a person's argument in favor of capital punishment, even when it is denied. A very tall order, indeedl

How well did this writer do? The answer is: exceptionally well. She didn't miss a single turn on the ski slope, and she crossed the finish line in gold-medal time (just under the allotted thirty minutes). There is some evidence of time running out on her there at the end; Tasks #2 and #3 are both collapsed into the concluding paragraph. But the direction of the argument is so clear and its structure is so tight and well-organized that she didn't have much to worry about. Copyright @ by The Berkeley Review

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The writer of this essay might have been awarded a 5 or a 6, even if the entire first paragraph had not been part of the paper. As it is, however, everyone who reads that opening paragraph agrees that its abundance of graphic and shocking details absolutely rivets the reader's imagination (the writer claims to have remembered them all, and the quotes from the people at the televised death watch for Harris's execution in April 7992, from an article she wrote for her elective class on journalism). The first paragraph deals with the subjective nature of what we call "justice," the demand of an individual for moral or ethical satisfaction; the criminal's execution, even his apology at the last minute, could never satisfy the grieving father. ]ustice by its very nature must be subjective (different for each observer or participant), and not objective (the same for all observers and participants), because otherwise, everyone could agree that the verdict in any case was either just or unjust. Such, unfortunately, is not the reality of justice.

In the next paragraph, we hear from a man who wants revenge--a punishment he thinks of as a payback, in at least the same degree and kind as the original offense, and motivated by anger--but he denies it. Interestingly enough, he says that all he wants is "simple justice." If we can be convinced that he really does want revenge--and the writer's test for revenge at ihe end of the paper points clearly in that direction--then here is a person for whom justice equals revenge. Only by making the murderer suffer "as much as those two kids he killed" will his sense of moral outrage be satisfied. Only that will hit the spot, as far as his concept of simple justice is concerned. One gets the feeling that even if he were told that Mr. Baker, the dead boy's father, wasn't satisfied after witnessing the execution, he would still want "an eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth." People who feel this way do not want an eye for a tooth. They have a very clear idea of what will satisfy their need for retribution to balance the scales of justice. In the third paragraph, a woman who agrees with the sentiment expressed in the topic statement explains why she thinks some who thirst for revenge are ashamed to admit it. And the final paragraph gives a specific instance of a family who sought the death penalty for their daughter's killer out of fear, not anger. Then in the same paragraph we are provided with the litmus test that shows us how we can tell when people are really demanding the death of another human being out of a desire for revenge, even if they deny it to themselves. It is, of course, a tricky thing to know what is in the mind of another person. But we might almost consider that the writer comes as close as possible to a clinically diagnostic

position in this respect--something like saying that the spoken or implied presence of anger reveals the desire for revenge, just as reliably as hydrogen ion concentration indicates whether an unknown solution is an acid or a base. Besides misreading the assignment, the other two most frequent

writing problems

with this

essay are: (1) pursuing the line of reasoning that holds people want revenge only to appease a sense of personal loss; and (2) an inability to think of other reasons for supporting capital punishment (i.e., counter-examples). The first misunderstanding is dispelled here by the man described in the second paragraph: "Like most who had followed the case, he did not know the families of the dead teenagers, nor had he suffered a personal loss similar to theirs. But the story obviously had touched something deep within him." Likewise, most people

know that anyone directly or indirectly related to a murder victim is always rooted out by defense lawyers from serving on the jury hearing the accused killer's


case.

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The second problem is also easily resolved with a little patient thought (admittedly a rare commodity during the test). Capital punishment has been sought to prevent criminals from repeating their offenses, to deter would-be felons, to save the money spent on "warehousing" murderers, and even for humanitarian reasons (i.e., giving those facing life imprisonment the option-which some of them choose--to die instead). You could characterize the emotions underlying these arguments as fear, caution , greed, and pity, respectively, if you wanted to. There are even enterprising individuals who have proposed airing executions for profit, like boxing matches on cable (pay-per-view); and in China, some criminals are reportedly killed on a schedule set by hospitals for organ transplantation. The point is, if any of these other motivating factors are involved, it is difficult to say that wanting revenge is the only reason people seek the death penalty. But on the other hand, if someone who says he wants this punishment in order to save taxpayers money can then be convinced that years of legal appeals cost more than

life imprisonment, yet he still maintains that "someone has to pay for this

outrageous crime--an eye for an eye!", then we have good cause to suspect that all he really wants is revenge.


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The BerkeleY Keview Specializing in MCAT Preparation

"The true test of courage is not to die, but to live." The intensity of situations often draws out latent qualities in human beings. Courage is one of these qualities. At times, it may seem that the true test of courage is not to face death--the thing that most people instinctively fear above any other experience--but to go on living through an ordeal of great physical pain or emotional distress. Circumstances like this come to mind: The victim of an automobile accident who struggles for life, even though he may be paraplegic if he lives; the cancer patient who fights to hold on to every last day of her life; the prisoner of war who tries to endure the sordid conditions of captivity in the face of torture and hardship, in order to serve his country with honor.

In other circumstances, however, the opposite is true. Then the test of courage is to be willing to die. In this put others before yourself, risking personal injury for the sake of others, and standing up to seemingly insurmountable odds, regardless of any consequences to your personal well-being. At such times, people sacrifice their lives because of their courage. The lone shadow of a student standing in Tiananmen Square in the face of oncoming tanks and soldiers exemplifies courage of this kind. Jim Eliot, the missionary who risked his life in order to spread the gospel to the Aucua Indians of South America, died by Aucua spears--but the courage he displayed before and during his death remained with the tribesmen and eventually caused them to accept Christianity. case, courage may require you to

Courageous people are not always the ones on the front lines of a war or the ones doing battle in foreign countries. Courage can also be found in ordinary people living ordinary lives. The true test of courage is facing whatever it is that you fear, so courage itself entails more than merely choosing to live or to die. It involves setting aside one's own fears and well-being in order to stand for what is right, for what one believes in--to press on to defeat the odds, to seek to give all of oneself for the benefit of others.


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Commentary on the essay "The true test of courage is not to die, but to live."

The thing thot determines whether liuing or dying is the true test of

which of those things the indioidual fears the most at any particulqr moment in one's life. "The true test of courage is facing tthateaer it is thqt you fenr, so courage itself entails more than merely choosing to lioe or to die..At times, it may seeln that the true test of courage is not to fnce death--the thing that most people instinctiaely fear nboae any other experience--but to go on liaing through an ordeal of great physical pain or emotional distress..Jn other circumstances, courage is

howeaer, the opposite is true."

In almost every way that the death penalty essay topic is dense, complex, and demanding, this one is short, sweet, and to the point--as long as you recognize, as this writer did, that the true test of courage in any situation where it is being tested is to face what one fears most. That could be living, or dying, or sometimes just telling the truth about something you have kept hidden. Not too many years ago, a fireman was interviewed by a local television news team. He had gone into a burning building and saved an unconscious woman. "People are calling you a hero!" said the interviewer to him in a live shot at the scene of the blaze. "V\4rat do you say to that?" "I'm no hero," he answered, without the usual display of false modesty one comes to expect in such situations. "I knew right where she was, I knew I could get us both out of there, and I've been training to do this for the last four years, so I wasn't afraid at all." "But why doesn't that make you a hero?" asked the interviewer, unwilling to let him step out of the limelight that quickly. "Because," he said, "a hero is someone

who is afraid, but they go ahead and do

what they know they have to do any'way." The writer of this essay might have said more about courage and about the people who display this trait. For example, do we call an action "brave" or "courageous" when an individual really had no choice but to do what they did? In what other ways might one's courage be put to the test? And why does our culture conduct its never-ending search for those who stand taller than the rest of us, shining as beacons to guide our own behavior in times of crisis? Are they really in such short supply?

But realistically, there is no need to make extra work for oneself in writing what is otherwise a very straightforward essay. The style and length of this essay come the closest of any of the essays in this sample to what most students (especially those with very little practice in writing essays) can accomplish in a half-hour. The command of the language is good, the examples are vivid, and the conclusion is unambiguous. The writer exhibits at least an average, if not better-thanaverage, degree of clarity and coherence, The tone is consistent throughout, and the point of all the examples is unmistakable: In evaluating option A (to die) against option B (to live) as the true test of courage, the problem can be resolved by understanding that both options are just different versions of the same test: confronting your greatest fear.


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"The goal of our legal system should be to administer due process under the [aw, not justice." This statement is a judgment on the need for separation between the "law-making" and "law-applying"

branches of government' The legislative branch of government is empowered with the abiliiy to make la#s, which apply to a society. It is then the goal of the judicial branch to interpret these laws in ipplication to specific circumstances, such as criminal trials. These two branches of government really mute our legal system, "p as b"iig only although many people (perhaps including the author of this statement) think of the iegal syste'm the judicial branch. The value of this separation is that the legislative branch can make laws which have a universal sense. All citizens can be informed of these laws and use them to guide their decisions. Through a democratic system, changes can be made to the laws, which reflect the overall wishes of the people. And-most importantly, these changes will be made, not in application to specific circumstances, but ."*o-rld from these appiications, where more room is available for debate and reflection. Removed from the emotionality of a particului ttiul, cooler heads may prevail.

Due process is usually defined as the use of specific guidelines for such things as admissible evidence, the right of a defendant to counsel, fair and speedy trial, etc. These guidelines are set u! to protect people from being unfairly put on trial and convicted by the courts. The implication of this is that by creating fair laws (through the legislatures) and application of due process (through the courts), justice will be served f"airly and equally to all

people.

But in rebuttal, we must consider the practical side to this rationale. The court system is invariably clogged up with lengthy and expensive trials. Worse still, many defendants are able to get away with their crimls, due to technicalities, such as improper search warrants.

At times, many people want to do away with such technicalities, which serve only

as a means for criminals to

free. There is a perceived need to protect the public and stop coddling criminis--after all, if someone has violated another person's rights (such as through iape or murder), why siould their rights be protected? The temptation is thus very great for courts to overstep their role and to aitempt to apply jtstice directly from the J

go

bench, based more on an intuitive sense of what seems right, rather than due proa"rr.

' ' '

The resolution to this is to go back and work within the system. The goal of our legal system is to preserve social harmony by providing an impartial, fair, uniform *eihod for rediessing grievinces. The sysiem was designed with two branches, one to make just laws, and one to apply them cJniistently by the rules of due Process. If laws should be changed to loosen the stringencies of dre pioiess, this should be'done in the legislative branch, not in the courts.

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Commentary on the essay 'The goal of our legal system should be to administer due process under the law, not justice."

The thing thnt determines whether the goal of our legal system should be

to administer due process under the law or to ndminister justice is which brsnch of that system you ere considering. "The legislatiue branch of gouernment is empowered with the ability to make laws, fand] the goal of the judicial brqnch [isl to interpret these laws in application

to specific circumstances..,These two brsnches of goaernment renlly make up our legal system...The goal of our legal system is to preserae sociql harmony by prooiding an impartial, fair, uniform method for redressing grieaances. The system was designed with two brnnches, one to make just lazus, and one to apply them consistently by the rules of due process.''

Many students struggle with this topic statement chiefly because they interpret the words "legal system" to refer only to what goes on in a courtroom; and as soon as they adopt the cynical position that courtrooms are not in the business of dispensing justice, the phrase "criminal justice system" rings rather hollow wherever it appears in their essays. The writer neatly sidesteps that snare at the outset of this well-conceived and beautifully executed essay by saying that "many people (perhaps including the author of this statement) think of the legal system as being only the judicial branch" of government. The topic statement thus may be the kind of comment uttered by someone who gets angry when they see judges overtuming laws that it took legislators a long time to hammer out, to make them as fair and equitable as possible to everyone to whom they might ever apply. (Never mind the bargaining and compromises that went on behind the scenes!) In effect, from that person's point of view, such judges are usurping the legislative branch's powers by succumbing to "the [very great] temptation...for courts to overstep their role and to attempt to apply justice directly from the bench, based more on an intuitive sense of what seems right, rather than due process." Following due process is what the speaker of the topic statement would see as the proper function of judges, lawyers, and police officers, and everyone connected with the criminal justice system being administered in jails and courtrooms across the land.

And the temptation for judges to bend the strict rules of due process in many cases is so very great, because it is evident that their courts are "invariably clogged up with lengthy and expensive trials. Worse still, many defendants are able to get away with their crimes, due to technicalities, such as improper search warrants. At times, many people want to do away with such technicalities, which serve only as a means for criminals to go free. There is a perceived need [by some judges and many private citizensl to protect the public and stop coddling criminals..." All of this development of the main theme shows a familiarity and willingness on the writer's part to deal with the real-life complexities, as well as the more abstract conceptual problems, lurking behind the topic statement: the annoyance of judges and police officers--and anyone who ever called in to a talk-radio show-regarding criminals who seem to have more rights than their victims. This essay is exceptional for its organization and clarity, and for its treatment in some depth of an intricate social and legal problem. The writer's neat and sensible conclusion, expressed in a clear criterion statement, repeats the formulation of the opening paragraph.


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Political and legal issues, philosophy, and anything dealing with the arts are the things toward which most pre-med students in our review courses voice an aversion, both for reading Verbal Reasoning passages and for composing Writing sample essays. But this essay could have been written by anyone who had an eighth-grade civics class on the separation of powers in American government, plus a little time invested in reading the newspapers to stay abreast of current issues.

'Sl iiri:{

;$i :;:

*

,-"

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"Art,like

science, is more process than product."

Art can be defined

as pretty much any form of creative expression--visual, dance, music, poetry, etc. In all no absolutes. Art is a personal process of drawing on one's own human experience and playing with it. It can be therapeutic, totally entrepreneurial, or anywhere in between. its point is often not the product, but the process of creativity. cases, there are

Science can be viewed in a similar vein. But where art is about totally subjective personal experience, science is about uncovering the universal truths of our world. It is completely objective, yet it also encompasses the same concept of process. One can never truly predict the outcome of scientific endeavor, just as one can never predict the final product of an artistic outpouring. Scientists must always strive to uncover new knowledge, an experiential quest. So again, science is really a process of discovery.

When either art or science sets its goal to production alone, something is lost from the process. For art, the process becomes turned into craft and the personality of the artist as creator is lost. Similarly, science becomes technology, and the scientist is now a technician. For example, in designing a better car engine, one is not really looking to uncover any universal truths about thermodynamics. The scientist/technician is merely trying to meet the demands of the car company to find a better engine. However, we must give time to the rebuttal of this argument, which quite naturally is that without product, how will the rest of the world ever know about one's creative artistic or scientific endeavors? In the case of the artist, there is a manifest need to express something within, and the medium of expression is the product. One may be the world's greatest composer, but without a symphony to show one's talents, the world will never appreciate this fact. The inspiration for artists is, naturally enough, often the work of other artists, which is to say their products. The same applies for science. Discovery for personal satisfaction can be very rewarding, but only by some tangible product, such as new methods or inventions, can this discovery be conveyed to the rest of the world. For science, the product can come in the form of papers and similar condensations of the scientist's progress.

In the end, we see that both science and art need both process and product. Process alone leaves the creative endeavor as a personal experience with no means of transmission to other people. Product without process is not really art or science, but just craft and technology.

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Commentary on the essay "Art, like science, is more process than product." The thing that determines whether art or science is more process than product is whether we uiew either disciptine from the perspectiae of personal satisfaction or general utitity. From the perspectiae of personal satisfaction: "Art can be defined as..nny form of creatiae expression...a personal process of drawing on one,s own human experience and playing with it. It can be therapeutic, totally entrepreneurinl, or anywhere in between. Its point is often not the product, but the process of crentiaity. science can be aiewed in a simiky aein, [as a personal strioingl to uncoaer new knowledge, an experiential quest,.,.a process of discouery." From the perspectiae of general utitity: "when either ort or science sets its goal to production ilone, somethiig is lost from the process. For art, the process becomes turned into cralt qnd the personality of the artist as creator is lost. similarty, scienbe becomes technology, and the scientist is now a technicinn." Artists need products to share their tqlents and to inspire others, while scientists also find the products of scientific research usefut to giae new goods and inaentions to the world.

The criteria used to carry out the third task of this essay are not all found together in one place (although they are shown that way on this page, above), so one"might fault the writer for a lapse in coherent presentation sty1e. The counter-"*u-p"1", also could have been more specific; e.g., the third sentence of the fourth paragraph could have begun: "Beethoven might have been the greatest composer of his age..." But these criticisms are small, weighed against the much greater strengths of this essay. They probably would not be enough to deprive the-writer of a score of 6, and he certainly should not be awarded anything below a 5. This is, after all is said and done, a very fluent treatment of a topic where one can easily lose their footing.

Many essays ask the student to contrast art and science, rather than to compare them with each other. The differences in their methods and in their goals offer only two obvious examples of that contrast. And the writer here does acknowledge the dissimilarity between the "totally subjective" realm of art (where "there are no absolutes") and the "completely objective world" of the scientist, in which one attempts to unveil "the universal truths of our world." But he wisely emphasizes their similarities more, as the wording of the topic statement indicates he must do. He talks, for example, about the unpredictability and the personal nature of a quest in both artistic creativity and scientific research. Throughout the essay, the same structure is repeated: A point is made about artistic pursuits, followed by a comparison to science: "science can be viewed in a similar vein...similarly, science becomes technology...The same applies for science," and so on.

Through skillful use of this recurrent structure and a nimble writing style, the writer seems to loop effortlessly back and forth, moving from art to science, and from process to product, without ever falling into a superficial treatment of the topic. The writer's mental agility is reflected in the paragraph structure as well-six brief ones, with smooth transitions starting each new idea, rather than the typical three- or four-paragraph method one comes to expect as the standard in Writing Sample essays. If we follow the logic offered in the sentences of this essay/ we can gain some clarity about the way we use the terms "art" and ',science" Copyright @ by The Berkeley Review

t26


in our own everyday speech. Thus, saying that "Rembrandt was devoted to his art" means the Dutch painter was devoted to the process of perfecting his painting style with each new canvas he worked on; but saying "Rembrandt left the world a magnificent legacy of art" makes a statement about the tangible products he left in homes, galleries, and museums around the world, still enjoyed by collectors and studied by novices centuries after his death. The same statements carry a similar value, if we substitute "Einstein" for "Rembrandt," and the word "science" for "art" both times.

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"The price of something

will not always reflect its value."

Saying that the price of something will not always reflect its value means that the cost you pay for a thing is not necessarily the same as what that thing is worth to you. In fact, certain items with exceedingly high personal value, like the dried flower pressed in a high-school yearbook, might be absolutely free. When -u ruy ro-ething is "priceless," we don't mean it is "worthless." We mean it is invaluable or possesses a worth too great to be assigned any price.

On the other hand, you often hear people say: "You get what you pay for." There are good reasons why you pay more for a Rolls Royce than for a Yugo: the extra material, the better-quality material, more testing and engineering that went into its creation, and the years of craftsmanship devoted to producing its distinctive design. And a Rolls Royce has a universal reputation among car fanciers and the general public as one of the finest automobiles ever made. But it's not the aesthetic value or the prestige you are paying for, exactly, when you buy a Rolls Royce or any other expensive car, because if it were, then people who know the most about cars and can most appreciate those kinds of values in them would have to pay more than someone who doesn't. Rather, all anyone pays for are the many Pounds of metal in it, the many hours of effort that it represents--the quantifiable units that are the basis for assigning an objective value to anything. It's like saying the price of a medical education is so many dollars, so many years of training and study, so many ATP molecules of energy expended-those are roughly the same costs paid by any med student. But what that education means to anyone personally, how much they value it subjectively, only that person can say. Other clues that you are dealing with the objective, rather than the subjective, value of something: Has the value been established by market pressures of supply and demand, i.e., scarcity and abundance? Is the item in question easily replaceable or interchangeable with other items of the same kind, rather than being unique or irreplaceable? Is it possible to state the value in absolute, rather than only relative, terms? That is, cin it be said that item A is exactly 3.26 times more valuable than item B? If the answers are yes, then it's likely this is the kind of value that is approximated by a price. In the end, the thing that determines whether the price of something reflects its value is the kind of value you are referring to. If you mean the subjectiue value, then price doesn't reflect it. It can't, because price is essentially always an objective consideration. But tlre objectiue value of things can often be approximated by a price. People may have subjective reasons for setting a price, but once set, a price is the same for anyone willing to pay it. Similarly, the objective value of a thing is the same for anyone utilizing it: A gold ring has the same cash value, regardless of who wears it,: a hammer has the same instrumental value, regardless of who wields it; a sandwich has the same number of calories or vitamins, the same nutritional value, regardless of who eats it. But a gold ring that belonged to my grandmother cannot have the same meaning--the same subjective value--for a stranger that it has for me.


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Commentary on the essay "The price of something

will not always reflect its

value.tt

"The thing th&t deternines ruhether the price of something reJlects its aslue is the kind of aalue you &re referring to. If you mean the

subjective ualue, then price doesn't reJlect it. It csn't, becattse price is essentially ahuays an objecti-oe considerqtion. But the objective aalue of things can often be approximated by a price."

The writer of this essay has produced what some of us regard as the standard treatment of one of the perennial favorites of normative essayists: the difference between subjective and objective experience. Very often--far too often--students with a rigorous scientific education come to think of the word "objective" as a synonym for "true," "real," or "undistorted," while they think of "subjective" experience as "biased," "illusory," or ''opinionated." Taken to its logical extreme, this way of looking at experience has put more than one scientist in the bizarre philosophical position of denying the existence of his or her own consciousness or

personality, declaring that both of these subjective constructs are merely "epiphenomena" or collectively shared hallucinations that float like foam on the sea of chemicais in each of our brains! We would invite these skeptics to hook themselves up to a device that registers pain in the human nervous system and then drop a bowling ball from a table onto their own bare feet. Can they seriously maintain that only the objectively measurable read-out from the machine used in this experiment is real, and that what they seem to feel is only an illusion?

For the sake of reasonable, persuasive, common-sense argumentation in essays like the ones required for this part of the MCAT, it will be much simpler to adopt the definitions for "objective" and "subjective" experience offered by this writer here, and to use them any time the same distinction is called for: "objective" just means "the same for all observers and participants," and "subjective" means "different for each observer or participant." We made the same distinction in our commentary about the subjective nature of justice in the essay about capital punishment in this series of sample essays. Other practice essay topics dealing with the same distinction are the ones asking about whether a journalist should always be strictly objective, and about whether a scientist should stick to explanations of the natural world, without imparting any personal values to social or political discourse. Here we have an essay where task #1 is begun well with a simple paraphrase of the topic statement: 'Saying that the price of something will not always reflect its value means that the cost you pay for a thing is not necessarily the same as what that thing is worth to you." The writer follows that up with a supporting example (the sentimental value attached to something that is absolutely free of charge). Then comes a clever bit of deductive logic: If "price does not necessarily equal value" means the same as "cost does not necessarily equal worth," according to the paraphrase, then by substitution we can say that "price does not necessarily equal worth." And by negating both halves of this equation, we get: "priceless does not necessarily equal worthless." In fact, we know from ordirary usage of these terms that they are antonyms. This is more than mere word-play; it tells us something about the deeper levels of meanings embedded in language. Quite a lot to pack

into four short sentences!

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129


In the next paragraph, beginning the discussion of task #2 thatcontinues into the third paragraph, the writer explores some of the same issues that have perplexed economic theorists since the days of Adam smith and Karl Marx: How can we assign a dollar value to anything? what determines this kind of evaluation? what is the semantic content of ads that tout a product as "a 95.00 value, now only $3.99"? And what is the real difference between terms like "cash value," ',r"rui" value," and 'property value" on one hand, and "historical value,,' "artistic value,,' "personal value," and "symbolic value" on the other? The writer decides by the beginning of paragraph 3 that the broadest terms we can use to describe these two categories of value are "objective" value and "subjective" value--and then goes on

to offer the reader a three-part test to decide which kind of value is under

discussion in any given situation. The criterion for Task #3 is thus simple: price, being objective, can be reflected only by objective value, never by subjective value.

Notice that the writer manages to steer clear of the reef upon which some students founder: At no point is either kind of value called the "ieal" value of something.

As we explained at the outset of this commentary, the tendency of scieni

students might be to say that objective value is the only "real,' value a thing can have, because it is empirically assessable. This wtuld leave them in the uncomfortable position of saying that children have no ,'real" value to their parents other than the dollar amount that has been spent to rear them, or perhaps the market value of all the raw chemical compounds in their bodies. Another

noteworthy thing about this essay is the apparent ease with which the writer takes a crack at some of the most profouna aspects of the problem under discussion, such as what we mean by the word "meaning" itself (iook at the final sentences of the second and fourth paragraphs) This essay is rich in examples (one of them, the gold ring in the last paragraph, is even used twice--once to show what is meant ty oblective value, urra -ugii.. to suggest subjective value). It is focused and direct in its analysis of a comple* topic, and it could not be clearer in its definition of essential terms or in the wording of its final criterion. It is a paper to study and learn from, an exemplar of concise essay writing style, a model worthy of imitation.


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"That action is best which procures the greatest happiness for the greatest number." What makes any action the best one to do in a given situation? If we rely on the advice of religious authorities to answer this question, they might direct us to the words of the Bible, the Koran, or some other sacred text. They would say the best action is the one that most pleases God. Politicians or businessmen might tell us that the best action is the one that produces the best results, regardless of how they are attained or how much we must bend the rules to get them. Usually, their sacred text is the pollster's survey or the bottom line of a financial sheet. But a philosopher might advise us to use the power of reason to find the answer, and for some philosophers the most reasonable guideline is that the best action is the one that makes as many people as possible as happy as possible.

This was an especially attractive solution to many eighteenth-century European intellectuals, as the traditional authority of priests and kings began to erode and the new authority of science and reason increased. Philosophers like jeremy Bentham actually tried to formulate a moral calculus to assist any rational individual confronting the problem of choosing the best course of action in any situation. Bentham said the ultimate goal of society and of the individual should be to bring about the greatest happiness for the greatest number. He called this philosophy "utilitarianism." In practice, one could just sit down and weigh the costs versus the benefits to everyone that were likely to result from choosing any available option, and whichever column had more checks in it would dictate the correct action to take. It is said the German philosopher Immanuel Kant decided whether to marry a particular woman of his acquaintance by a similar methodl

It must be admitted, however, that there are many actions whose consequences we would deem desirable-even the best--although those actions make most people angry, frightened, or unhappy. For example, nobody likes a tax increase (although everybody likes roads without potholes and a responsive fire department); or getting a flu shot (although everybody likes getting through the winter without a sniffle); or putting money into a retirement account, where it stays until you're 65 (although most retired folks seem to enjoy taking those sunny vacations). So maybe what helps us decide whether the best action is the one that procures the greatest happiness for the greatest number is how we define "happiness." If it means the immediate gratification of every appetite and desire, and the avoidance of anything inconvenient or painful, then it is difficult to justify paying any taxes at all using the utilitarian rule, let alone bothering with flu shots or retirement funds. But if it refers to long-term satisfaction, even if the price is delayed gratification of our wants and needs, then the utilitarian guide has much to recommend it. This is not all we can say about the matter, though. Sometimes the goodness of an action is judged not by how good its outcome is, but by how good the intentions of the moral agent are when he or she acts, regardless of the outcome. People are fallible and cannot predict the future with certainty. Some carefully thought-out, wellintended actions make everyone involved very unhappy, even in the long run. If we use goodness of intentions as our criterion for determining the best action, then the utilitarian principle will often be insufficient for guiding us toward making the best decision in many situations, especially those whose outcome is hard to foretell, because it justifies all actions only in terms of their results, regardless of intentions. Sometimes all we can do is pick the lesser of two evils, and sometimes the worst choice of all is to do nothing.


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Commentary on the essay "That action is best which procures the greatest happiness for the greatest number."

The writer analyzes the topic statement two ways, one focusing on the definition of a key term, and the other focusing on different ways of justifying any action: The thing thqt determines whether the best qction is the one that procures the grentest happiness for the greatest number is how we define the word "happiness," "lf it means the immediate gratificntion of eoery appetite nnd desire, and the aaoidance of anything inconaenient or painful, then it is dfficult to justify paying any taxes at all using the utilitarinn rule [i,e., the philosophy expressed by the topic statementl,let olone bothering with flu shots or retirement funds. But if

it

refers

to long-term

satisfaction, euen

if

the price is delayed

gratification of our rnants and needs, then the utilitarinn guide has much to recommend

it."

And: The thing that determines whether the best action

is the one that

procures the greatest happiness for the greatest number is the extent to which one belieaes that the goodness of any qction is justified by

its results, regardless of the intentions of the moral agent zahen they took that action, "If zue use goodness of intentions as our criterion for determining the best action, then the utilitariqn principle

will often be insufficient for guiding us townrd mnking the best decision in many situntions, especially those zuhose outcome is hard to foretell, because it justifies nll actions only in terms of their results, regardless of intentions."

This essay is an excellent specimen showing you what happens when you actually bother to pay attention in all those history, philosophy, and religious studies electives you have had to take over the years. The specific references to Jeremy Bentham and Immanuel Kant may look like nothing more than name-dropping or showing off on the writer's part, but they are very much on the mark as far as naming the men whose philosophical writings were most absorbed with the question of weighing intentions against outcomes as the yardstick to be used in ethical discourse. Kant, by the way, may (or may not) have used the rather utilitarian method for selecting a wife alluded to by the writer, but he was one philosopher who gave greater weight to good intentions, rather than maximum utility, in his evaluation of the goodness of any and all actions. Like Jesus or Nazareth (the christ) and Gautama siddhartha (the Buddha), Kant had a basic rule of moral conduct that was a version of the Golden Rule, except he claimed his rule was logically demonstrable, rather than divinely inspired. opposed to them is Niccold Machiavelli, a political theorist living in Renaissance Florence, the patron saint of everyone who believes that "the ends justify the means" (or in its modern incarnations: "By any means necessary!" and: "Hey, you've got to break a few eggs to make an omeletl").

All of this is leading to the practical point, often raised in class and in office hours, as to whether it is a good idea to use quotes in the essays. Generally, there is nothing wrong with this practice, as long as they are effectively placed to highlight a key point in your argument and not stuck in wherever they happen to Copyright @ by The Berkeley Review

132


occur to you, and as long as they are genuine and not fabricated. Machiavelli's pithy little maxim (which is actually the reworking of a much older statement found in the letters of St. Jerome) is used more often than any other direct quote by students in our review courses when they are writing justification essays--not necessarily because everyone subscribes to it, but apparentiy because it is so easy to remember. Rarely is the quote attributed to the famous Florentine, however, either because students are unsure as to who uttered the phrase, or because they are unsure as to how his name is spelled. Quotations do look more impressive rwhen credit is given to a source (properly spelled), but bear in mind that occasional errors in spelling are not marked down too hard--this is, after all, a first-draft effort. If you cannot recall the precise wording of a quote, but if you can state its essence in your own words, try expressing it as a paraphrase, without

quotation marks. Many famous quotes are regularly misquoted or used for purposes other than the one intended by their originator. Maybe a few hours thumbing through a collection of famous quotations, as part of your outside reading, will plant some choice words of wisdom in your mind. Remember also that the scorers for this part of the MCAT very probably include a few editors and writing instructors who have seen their share of really good counterfeits over the years, so even though they are reading these essays very rapidly, they know what to watch out for. The most prudent policy, again, is not to make up any quotes on the Writing Sample.

justification essays typically do not ask for definitions as much as reasons-specifically, reasons that make some action excusable or forgivable that otherwise

would be unacceptable. The two chief modes of justification are: (1) the Machiavellian, consequentialist, or utilitarian mode, which judges an action in terms of its utility or the overall desirability of its outcomes, regardless of what the writer calls "the intentions of the moral agent...when he or she acts"; and (2) the Kantian or intentionalist mode, which considers the goodness or badness clf the intentions behind an action, regardless of the consequences. Imagine, as extreme examples, two scientists working side by side in adjoining laboratories. One works long hours for little pay and seeks the cure for cancer, but inadvertently finds a horribly effective nerve gas used to kill millions. The other sells his scientific know-how to the highest bidder, a chemical firm trying to develop a horribly effective nerve gas--but he accidentally discovers the cure for cancer. The dilemma (and hence the Great justification Debate): Whose actions are to be judged the best, and on what basis is this judgment to be made? Pay attention to the dynamics implied

in these so-calied "justification essays," writing. Examples of

because they occur frequently in many forms in normative

topic statements of this type would include: "It is always wrong to lie," "Killing is never justified," "In politics, bad results cannot be justified by good intentions," and "No matter how oppressive a government is, violent revolution is never justified." To maintain consistency and coherence in your argument of such essays, it is a good idea not to start justifying an action by one mode of justification at the beginning of the paper and then end up using the other mode of justification for your conclusion. It is also not very constructive to say: "The moral agent's intentions were good, because he always intended to get the best results, no matter whom he had to kill to get them. Therefore, his actions are justified by the goodness of his intentions." This is just playing around with the word "best," and it doesn't fool anyone, so avoid it altogether. The thing that someone accused of bad actions must plead in their own defense in order to use the intentionalist mode of justification successfully is, to come full circle, some version of the Colden Rule. Here the Rule would read: If you could Copyright O by The Berkeley' Rer ie"r

133


use whatever my excuse is to justify your own behavior in the same circumstances, then you must excuse my behavior. If you would use lethal force to defend your own life, then you must excuse my use of it to defend my life. If you can be forgiven for doing action X because you had insufficient knowledge, insufficient time to act, no other options, or were otherwise constrained by limiting factors beyond your control, then you must forgive me for doing the same action when constrained by the same limiting factors. Why go into all of this here? We do so because this particular topic statement is a pure distillation in one sentence of the philosophy that favors the consequentialist mode of justification over the intentionalist mode, and the writer was bright enough to understand on some level that this was what confronted him. He could have taken the easy way out, and simply treated the matter solely as a "definition essay," one whose criterion in Task #3 always says: "The thing that determires whether option A or option B is more applicable is how we define term Y. If we define it this way, then go with option A as the better way to understand the problem. But if we define it that way instead, then option B has the edge." Some people, in fact, try to answer eaery MCAT essay prompt by saying that everything hinges on how you define this term or that term in the topic statement--an indiscriminate approach that in some cases is only slightly less useless than saying for Task #3: "Well, it all depends on the circumstances!" or "It all depends on the individual!" (That kind of criterion statement for Task #3 would represent the abandonment of any obligation to think critically or to communicate clearly about the subject matter at all, a complete failure to engage with the thesis.) And while some essay resolutions very clearly do rest on the way one defines or understands a certain word or phrase in the topic statement, the exclusive reliance on this technique is to be avoided. Its unnecessarily litigious tone when used in some essays has won for this method of resolution the unflattering nickname of "the lawyer's escape hatch."

At any rate, the writer of this essay sees definition as one possible solution--to say that our agreement with the statement depends to a large extent on how we define the concept of "happiness". He could have stopped there and gotten a mark above the average score range, based on his mastery of language skills and his entertaining introduction and examples. Then he stops, collects his thoughts, and adds almost as an afterthought: "This is not all we can say about the matter, though," and proceeds to outline the Great Justification Debate, as well as a completely different criterion for Task #3 in line with that, all in a single, wellcrafted paragraph. This essay is excellent in terms of its depth and complexity.

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Notes

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