Stronger in Your Hands

Stronger in Your Hands The Making of a Man 3 Diane Adams Published by Silver Publishing Publisher of Erotic Romance ...

Author: Adams Diane

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Stronger in Your Hands The Making of a Man 3

Diane Adams

Published by Silver Publishing Publisher of Erotic Romance

About The e-Book You Have Purchased: Your non-refundable purchase of this e-book allows you to only ONE LEGAL copy for your own personal reading on your own personal computer or device. You do not have resell or distribution rights without the prior written permission of both the publisher and the copyright owner of this book. This book cannot be copied in any format, sold, or otherwise transferred from your computer to another through upload to a file sharing peer to peer program, for free or for a fee, or as a prize in any contest. Such action is illegal and in violation of the South African Copyright Law. Distribution of this ebook, in whole or in part, online, offline, in print or in any way or any other method currently known or yet to be invented, is forbidden. If you do not want this book anymore, you must delete it from your computer. WARNING: The unauthorized reproduction or distribution of this copyrighted work is illegal. Criminal copyright infringement, including infringement without monetary gain, is investigated and is punishable by imprisonment and a fine." Cover Artist: Reese Dante Editor: Juniper Watt Stronger in Your Hands © 2011 Diane Adams ISBN # 9781920501426 Attention Readers: This book uses US English. All rights reserved. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED: This literary work may not be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, including electronic or photographic reproduction, in whole or in part, without express written permission. All characters and events in this book are fictitious. Any resemblance to actual persons living or dead is strictly coincidental. The Licensed Art Material is being used for illustrative purposes only; any person depicted in the Licensed Art Material, is a model.

PUBLISHER http://www.silverpublishing.info

Note from the Publisher Dear Reader, Thank you for your purchase of this title. The authors and staff of Silver Publishing hope you enjoy this read and that we will have a long and happy association together. Please remember that the only money authors make from writing comes from the sales of their books. If you like their work, spread the word and tell others about the books, but please refrain from sharing this book in any form. Authors depend on sales and sales only to support their families. If you see "free shares" offered or cut-rate sales on pirate sites of this title, you can report the offending entry to [email protected] Thank you for not pirating our titles. Lodewyk Deysel Publisher Silver Publishing http://www.silverpublishing.info Lodewyk Deysel CEO / Publisher Telephone: +1 313-444-2091 Fax: +1 206-203-7610 http://www.silverpublishing.info

DEDICATION To Reese

Trademarks Acknowledgement The author acknowledges the trademarked status and trademark owners of the following wordmarks mentioned in this work of fiction: Cool Whip: Kraft Foods Global Brands, LLC MIT: Massachusetts Institute of Technology Superman: DC Comics Spider-man: Marvel Characters, Inc. Google: Google, Inc. Chevrolet Cavalier Sport: General Motors, LLC Dr. Pepper: Dr Pepper/Seven Up, Inc. Cold Stone: Cold Stone Creamery, Inc.

Stronger in Your Hands

Diane Adams

A PRIVATE PLACE

Alex found Jared in their bedroom, sitting in the window seat with his knees drawn up to his chest, arms clasped around them. The sun streamed in the window, setting aflame the autumn highlights in his dark hair. Clad casually in a pair of cut-off jeans and a tank top, his feet bare, Alex thought Jared looked good enough to eat. Crossing the room, Alex brushed his fingers through Jared's sun-warmed hair before he spoke. Jared looked up with a smile at Alex's touch. "What are you doing?" Alex settled down on the edge of the window seat and peered out the window. Looking slightly embarrassed, Jared shrugged. "Wishing it would rain." "Oh." Alex laughed and glanced up at the cloudless blue sky. "It can't rain every Fourth of July." He rubbed his cheek against Jared's shoulder. Jared chuckled. "I know that. Actually, it hardly ever rains on the Fourth." "Ah yeah, that wicked summer thing," Alex teased. "Clark called; did you want to do something? They're suggesting a cookout and fireworks." Turning, Jared 7


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stretched out his legs, tugging Alex to sit next to him. They sat hip-to-hip, leaning against the warm glass. "You want to?" Jared took Alex's hand in his own, playing with his fingers, sliding his own between them and out again. Alex watched Jared's hand toy with his, felt the familiar curl of heat in his spine in reaction to Jared's touch. Sighing, he shook his head and leaned against Jared's shoulder. "Our friends think how we want to be alone on the Fourth is weird." Eyes sliding closed, Alex squeezed Jared's hand. "So, you don't want to either," Jared said. "No." "Then we won't." "There won't be any rain, Jared." Alex's head lifted momentarily with the motion of Jared's shrug. "The rain doesn't really matter." Which was true, but they both liked rain that day. "They aren't expecting us. Even when we say we will, we don't show up. I don't know why they always call." "So we don't feel left out. So, if we're staying home, what are we having?" Jared wrapped an arm around Alex, hugging him close. "I bought a couple porterhouses for you to grill. I'll 8


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throw together a salad. Your mom sent over that cake she makes us every year. The one she frosts with Cool Whip." "Is there any left?" Jared laughed and Alex elbowed him. "Yes. Geez." "You love that cake." "Yeah, love it more when we eat it together." "Good thing mom doesn't know that," Jared teased. "So we've got food, the best company, and we can see the fireworks from the backyard. Why go anywhere?" He leaned and pressed a kiss to Alex's mouth. When he pulled back, Alex met his gaze, eyes laughing. "You want to stay home because we always do." Jared grinned at the accusation. "I hope you don't think that's a revelation." Alex stretched and climbed to his feet. "I don't know why you sit there." Jared crossed his ankles, grasping the edge of the seat on either side of his thighs. The sun made a halo of his uncombed hair. "You don't?" Jared grinned, leaning back against the glass. "I don't, it's uncomfortable as hell, even alone." Alex stuck his hands in the back pockets of his shorts but couldn't take his eyes off Jared. Wide shoulders bared by 9


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the tank top, narrow hips, long legs, and that damned hair. Alex wanted to climb into Jared's lap and stay there. "I sit here for you." "That is not why!" Jared got to his feet, moving with lazy slowness, a natural result of sun basking, and coming to a stop in front of Alex, cupped his face with a gentle hand. Jared's thumb traced Alex's cheek. "Oh, it's why." His voice, low and gravelly went straight to Alex's groin. "You should see your face when the sun's in my hair." Alex took the step forward that put him in Jared's arms. "The first time I jerked off thinking about you was after I saw the sun in your hair." Instead of being turned on, Jared looked horrified. "Dude you were like twelve!" Laughing at the exaggeration, Alex shoved at Jared's shoulder. "Fifteen, jerk." Stepping away, he surveyed the bed Jared had been not so subtly guiding him toward. "Where are you going to lay me down in that mess?" he asked, hands on hips. Jared wrapped his arms around Alex's waist. "Always room for my baby." Alex grunted in disbelief. "What is all that?" He reached down to pick up a picture that caught his attention, 10


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but his gaze fell on the wooden chest sitting open on the foot of the bed and he jerked his hand back. "Oh. I'll go make the salad while you clean up." Jared's arms tightened around Alex's waist. "You can stay." Alex turned to face him. "Are you sure?" Some people kept scrapbooks or journals. Jared's way of preserving memories tended to be more hands-on, and at first Alex had a hard time understanding Jared's need for privacy. He thought being together meant they shared everything, including the contents of Jared's memory box. It caused a couple bumps for them, but once Alex started keeping a journal, his thoughts captured in his messy script meant for no one else to see, Alex understood what the contents of the box meant to Jared. "Yeah. Sit down." Tentatively, Alex sat on the edge of the bed near his pillow. Jared sat near the foot, and resumed sorting through the pictures, trinkets and scraps of scribbling scattered over the bed. Alex picked up some pictures and thumbed through them, young Jared and his dad working in his dad's woodshop. Jared glanced up from the papers in his hands. "I wish you could have met Dad." He reached for the pictures. Alex handed them over. 11


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"So do I, you look just like him. More now than when you were small." Jared nodded. "That's what Mom says. You'd have liked him." Jared waggled his brows wickedly. "We have the same hair." Alex blushed bright red. "Jared, that was just wrong." Chuckling, Jared tucked the pictures back into his box. "I guess it was, sorry. Mom says I think just like him too. Well, obviously there are some differences." He grinned and winked at Alex. There were several packets of letters rubber-banded together. Alex picked them up but Jared took them out of his hands. "Sorry, those are mine." Jared fingered the worn envelopes. Alex looked bemused. "I wrote those and I can't look at them? Did you save them all?" "They're mine. It's illegal to mess with a guy's mail. And no it's not all of them; I don't have a box that big." Alex's eyes were on the tender way Jared's callused hands held the letters. "How'd you decide which to keep?" "I don't know." Jared pulled an especially worn one out of the stack and handed it to Alex, who felt strangely as if he were holding something sacred. Alex opened it and 12


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unfolded the single sheet within. Inane chatter about school life, written in his messy left-handed scrawl, filled the page. Alex didn't see anything special about it. "Just a letter." Alex turned it over and looked at the empty back. Jared smiled. "That was the first letter you signed 'love, Alex'." Alex looked at it again, Jared's words reminding him of his indecision about whether to include the 'L' word in the letter. The page was almost worn through where he'd erased it so many times before committing. "You changed how you signed your letters to me after that." Alex remembered his nerves on opening Jared's reply. He thought he wanted to see 'love' in front of Jared's name in response to his own limited confession of affection. "Do you remember?" Jared retrieved the letter from Alex and tucked it back into the envelope before returning it to the correct stack. He set them in the box. "The same way I still sign whatever I write to you." "'Yours, Jared.' I wanted more than anything for you to say 'love' back to me. You have a hell of a way of teaching me you always know what I need. Loving me has never been about words for you. It's just the truth." Jared reached out, his thumb brushed Alex's 13


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cheekbone. Alex closed his eyes, leaning into the caress, enjoying the familiar slide of heat down his spine that accompanied Jared's touch. "The truth is simple Alex; it doesn't need a lot of words. Besides, people love chocolate, their shoes, last week's big hit. I'm yours, I always will be." Alex captured Jared's hand in his own, pressing it against his cheek. When the letter came, Alex remembered rushing straight to his room and closing the world out. His hands shook when he opened it, looking first for the signature and there, where he thought he wanted to see the word love, instead found a promise beyond his wildest dreams. "Mine." His whisper brushed Jared's palm. "I carried that letter with me for months." "Those weren't easy times for us." Jared stroked his fingers back through Alex's hair, tucking curls behind Alex's ear. Alex smiled. "We did alright." He glanced back down at the paraphernalia still scattered over the bed. "Well, after you stopped trying to chase me off we did okay. What's this?" Alex grabbed a stack of printer paper tied together with a black silk ribbon. Looking bemused, Jared didn't protest when Alex pushed the ribbon aside to read the top page. "You saved these?" Alex's face turned bright red 14


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and his voice squeaked. Jared rescued his papers, putting them into his box with the letters. "All of them. I used to make fun of dudes that jerked off in front of their computers until you went to college and started emailing me. Jerking off reading it became a common practice. I started printing them so I could take them to bed. Kept them in a drawer with my lube." Alex looked like he might melt from the heat of his embarrassment. He rallied bravely. "Dude, you were really bad at email sex." Jared shrugged. "Don't have the words for it. I sent pictures." "Oh, I found one of those while cleaning up some old files on my computer the other day." Alex reached under the edge of the bed and retrieved his laptop. "I had a bunch of crap I've been transferring between computers forever. I forgot all about these." Alex turned the computer to face Jared. "This was my wallpaper through most of my junior year. I thought it deserved a revisit." The picture was of Jared and Clark unloading a truck. Jared had on his jeans, work boots, and a pair of heavy leather gloves. Sweat gleamed on his bare back and muscles bunched as he lifted the heavy boards out of the truck, the sun in his hair. 15


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"Stevie. She was supposed to be taking publicity pictures for the company. She took an amazing number of Clark beefcake pictures." Clark's white blond hair shone in the sun in the picture, his sweaty back and shoulders bulkier with muscle than Jared's, though his shoulders weren't as wide or his hips as narrow. "God, we were young." "Clark? Jared, when that was my background almost no one asked me about Clark." Alex turned the computer back around in his lap. "I'm not the looks in this relationship, or when I'm standing next to Clark. It's okay, all that matters is what you see." Jared smiled fondly at Alex and put away a few more things into the box. Frowning, Alex closed his laptop and stuck it back under the edge of the bed. Jared still thought he lacked something in the looks department, and that Alex saw him through rose-colored glasses. One reminder course coming up. "Jared can we go out after the fireworks?" He busied himself helping Jared stack stuff back into the box. Jared stopped to look at him. "After?" Alex shrugged. "It's not going to rain and we haven't gone dancing in a while." Years really, but Alex 16


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hoped Jared would just go along with it. Looking thoughtful, Jared picked up the last few things off the quilt. "I guess you want to see that new dance club over on Fifth?" Alex hid his surprise, he had no idea there was a new dance club. "Um, sure, it'll be fun." Jared looked like he thought Alex might have lost his mind, but shrugging, he fit the final things into place and closed the chest. "Sure, it'll be fun." He didn't sound sure but Alex was determined. "Wait, you missed something." Alex picked up the thick square envelope that had somehow gotten under the box. Sliding the card out, he grinned. "The invitation to my high school prom." Alex's grin broadened and his dimple flashed. "You really surprised me that time." Jared set the chest on the floor, his eyes fixed on Alex. Reaching out, he took the invitation and laid it on the lid of the box. "You remember that, do you?" He pushed Alex back onto the pillows, moving over him, his eyes fixed on Alex's face. "I remember a lot of things." Alex smirked suggestively. "Is that right? Like what?" Jared challenged him. Eyes narrowed, Alex wrapped a leg around Jared's 17


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waist and with a hard push on his shoulder flipped them over so he straddled Jared's hips, staring down at him. Fisting handfuls of Jared's tank top, Alex leaned forward until their lips brushed. "I love you," he breathed into their kiss.

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ONE DAY IN THE DORM

"Why did I let you convince me to buy a ticket?" Alex groaned, flopping back onto his bed and flinging his arm over his eyes. His best friend at school, Lisa, sat on the edge of the bed laughing at him. "Because it's your senior prom and you know you want to go. So stop whining." Alex peered out at her from under his arm when she shoved his shoulder. "Yep, because going to my senior prom as the third wheel has always been a secret dream of mine." He hid behind his arm again. It seemed like Jared could relent just this once, being forced to go without him sucked. Staying alone at the dorm sounded much better now that going stag was actually upon him. "We don't think of you as a third wheel!" Lisa sounded indignant. Sighing, Alex sat up. "I know. I just wish…" his voice trailed off—no need to repeat something he voiced so often. Getting up, he went to where his tux hung from a hook on the closet door. Alex brushed his hand across the shoulder of the black jacket. "It seems like a waste of time to get so dressed up with no one to impress." "You could still ask someone, I doubt your man will 19


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hold it against you." Alex shook his head. The idea of impressing someone else seemed worse than going alone. Lisa sighed. "This is crazy Alex, it's not like you'd have to do him, or her." Alex shrugged, running his fingers down the inside the lapel. Eighteen and still a virgin. Rome had been amazing, but a second Christmas trip to Europe meant there had been an ocean between Jared and him when Alex turned eighteen. Maybe Jared would be more willing to visit if they'd already had sex. Alex losing his virginity at prom sounded like the sort of stereotype Jared would avoid like the plague. "I'm glad Seth is okay with me sharing the limo and going to dinner with you guys." Lisa gave an unladylike snort. "Are you kidding? Seth is okay with you sharing the hotel room with us." Alex's mind went blank and then felt as useless as a hamster on an exercise wheel as he turned to face her. "He said that?" Alex winced when his voice squeaked, and Lisa laughed. "Oh, yeah, he said it, and told me to ask you. Thankfully one of us knows how bad that Jareditis stuff you have is." Lisa waved him off as if the idea of her date extending a bi-curious invitation to her best friend didn't bother her in the least. 20


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"Is that the only reason you didn't ask?" Alex winced at the slide show of visuals his brain insisted on showing him. Jareditis or not, boobs had never been in his future. "Chill out." Lisa stopped laughing. "The reason I didn't ask was I knew it'd freak you out, but seriously a little sex for fun never hurt anyone. Personally, I think the idea is hot as hell." Staring at her in disbelief, Alex felt for an unsettling moment as if he didn't know her at all. Struggling with what to say, Alex ran a hand through his curls, his face flaming. Finally, he gave up, turning back to his tux. Sex for fun, a threesome, Alex's brain stalled on the idea. Maybe Jared and all his morals had warped him more than he realized, considering how the idea shocked him. Busy trying to filter out the images conjured up by Lisa's invitation, Alex remained oblivious to the room behind him, thankful she'd quit talking. "Holy crap." Lisa fumbled at his sleeve, but still annoyed with her crass invitation, Alex ignored her. "Alex, would you turn the fuck around?" Brushing off her hand, Alex turned. "Lisa, would you quit…" His voice failed as he stared at the apparition leaning on the jamb of the open door. Shaking his head and 21


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blinking, Alex tried to clear his head. He refused to believe he missed Jared enough to start seeing things, seeing him. The apparition laughed and Alex flung himself across the bed and into its arms. "Jared," he breathed as Jared's mouth captured his, the fingers of one hand tangling in Alex's dark curls and the other settling at the small of his back, pulling him close. Alex melted into the embrace, his disbelief suspended at the solid feel of Jared's body against his. Jared growled, widening his stance, pulling Alex closer. Mewling into their kiss, Alex clutched Jared's Tshirt. When they finally came up for air, Jared nuzzled Alex's neck, breathing him. "Missed you." Jared buried his face in dark curls. "Missed you so much." Alex murmured agreement, nosed Jared's cheek searching for another kiss. He moaned approval when Jared complied, pressing their mouths together, licking and nibbling Alex's lips. Desperation gave way to tenderness, and at last, Alex stepped back breathing hard, but he didn't let go. "I can't believe you're here." Before Jared could answer, the sound of Lisa clearing her throat captured their attention. Alex's cheeks flushed a little darker. He turned to face her, tucking 22


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himself under Jared's arm. "I'm sorry, we just…" Alex shrugged. His hand cupping Alex's shoulder, Jared pressed a kiss to the top of his head. "Better introduce us before I manage to scare her away completely." Alex wrapped his arm around Jared's waist. "Lisa this is Jared." Pressing his face against Jared's shoulder, Alex breathed his scent in an effort to convince himself he wasn't dreaming. Lisa burst out laughing. "No really?" Alex made a face at the sound of her false astonishment. "It's nice to meet you Lisa." Jared smiled. "I've heard quite a lot about you." "Same here, although I'm in shock. Odds are ten to one he made you up." Alex looked like he wanted to smack her and Lisa giggled. "Not telling which side I bet on, so don't even ask. Are you here for prom?" Alex looked up at Jared. "Why are you here?" Knowing Jared, Alex's brain refused to entertain the idea he'd come for a glorified high school dance, but the idea of missing prom to hang with Jared didn't bother him in the least. He couldn't seem to think about anything except the fact he'd turned eighteen months before, finally legal even by Jared standards. 23


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Jared reached in his back pocket and pulled out a rather rumpled square envelope. "I guess that depends on if this invitation is still good." Alex stared at the cream-colored paper. "I never thought you'd come." "I wasn't sure either for a while, and yet here I am. Good thing?" Jared's blue eyes danced with his teasing. "The best thing ever." Alex beamed at him. "So room for me in the limo, or whatever?" "Of course!" Lisa chirped, jumping to her feet and recapturing their attention. "Now if you get out of my way, I'll leave you guys alone." Alex realized she would have already slipped out but they blocked the door completely. "Uh sorry." He started to edge out of the way but Jared stopped him. "Since you have room for me, I have to pick up my tux." "You can't leave, you just got here." Alex frowned. Lisa tugged Alex's shirt. "He's coming back. Let him go get ready," she urged. Jared flashed her a look of thanks. "I haven't registered at the hotel yet." "Hotel?" Alex's breath caught as he met Jared's gaze. 24


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Jared's eyes were hot; his thumb ran along Alex's jaw. "Yes. What time should I be back?" Alex swallowed, staring distractedly into Jared's eyes. A hotel. His palms began to sweat. "Five, the limo is picking us up to go to dinner. Um, I can't stay off campus without parental permission." Jared kissed Alex, hard. "Then it's a good thing I have a note from your dad, don't you think? See you at five." Laughing, Jared left Alex sputtering. Staring at the open doorway in disbelief, Alex sank onto the edge of his bed. "Did that just happen?" Lisa giggled. "Oh, yeah." Alex took a deep breath in an effort to steady himself, but before he could breathe out Jared popped his head back in the door. "What color is your cummerbund?" Alex stared at him blankly. "The same color as your eyes." Lisa grinned. "Why?" But found herself talking to the air, Jared already gone. "Corsage." The word drifted back to them from somewhere down the hall. "He's going to totally embarrass me." Alex tried to sound worried, but he looked forward to Jared's brand of 25


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spoiling him more than he wanted to admit. "So that's Jared." Lisa dropped down onto the bed beside Alex. "Yeah. Oh, yeah." Seeing Jared had soothed a perpetual ache in his heart, but Alex had the struggle with his dick to occupy him instead. "I get it now." Lisa shook her head. "I didn't before, not really." Alex shrugged. "Jared's kind of impossible to explain. Just wait." "Hot too." Lisa hugged Alex's arm. "He growled at you." Chuckling, Alex grinned. "He does that all the time. I think it means he's happy to see me." Lisa snorted. "If by that you mean all of him is happy to see you, then yeah, I'd say you're right." Alex flopped back on the bed staring dazed at the ceiling. "I can't believe he's here." "I can't believe you're finally gonna have sex!" Lisa squealed, and Alex blushed. "I wouldn't take bets on that if I was you." "What are you talking about? It's a sure thing. It's prom, you're legal, and there's a hotel room." Alex sighed. "Yeah, but you left something out. 26


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He's still Jared."

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INEVITABLE

"Okay, you knew this day would get here so calm down," Jared muttered under his breath while he watched the bellhop unload his luggage out of the truck and onto a luggage cart. Letting the bellhop take charge of the heavy bags seemed ridiculous given he looked about half Jared's size, but when Jared offered to help he got a narrow-eyed glare in return. Jared raised his hands in surrender and followed his luggage inside, ticking off his mental checklist. A hotel a little better than he could really afford, tux, corsages (over charged, despite his charm, for being last minute), Alex surprised in his dorm. Thinking about Alex immediately distracted Jared with memories of holding him again after so long. It'd taken every ounce of will power he possessed to leave Alex behind, even for a few hours. Jared closed the door on the skinny bellhop and leaned his forehead against it. "I cannot believe I'm doing prom. I didn't do my prom. And now I'm talking to myself, just great." Jared shook his head and turned to face the room. It looked worth every penny he'd paid for it. The huge king-sized bed dominated the space. An entertainment center on the wall of the sitting area held a flat screen TV 28


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as well as a hook up for an mp3 player. The furniture looked comfortable and the wooden tables and dressers gleamed with polish. Jared tossed his bags onto the bed and unpacked. After stowing his clothes for the next day, as well as a few things for Alex, in the drawers, he then shoved the bags onto a shelf in the closet. Everything had to be perfect; there'd be no tripping over suitcases. "Unpack, shower, dress." Another list. Jared added a last minute item as he undressed. He decided he better do something to take the edge off or his carefully laid plans for Alex's seduction later that night were going to fall apart. Jared's hands trembled thinking about Alex. Three years waiting for him to grow up were behind them, and being together as a couple made avoiding first time sex impossible. Jared wished they could skip to morning with the first time safely behind them. He met his eyes in the mirror, pupils dilated to the point little remained of his irises than a dark blue ring. "Liar," he whispered to his reflection. "You are such a liar. You just make sure you get it right. It's about him; don't forget that for a second." Later, showered, shaved, and dressed to the nines, Jared felt better, giving him hope he could make it through the social part of the evening. While Jared rarely worried about his self-control, thinking about the approaching night 29


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made him sweat, and he braced himself for the hours spent with Alex in public before they could be alone. Difficult didn't begin to express what lay ahead, but Jared had planned everything out step by step, focused on making Alex's prom night memorable for him and their first time together as perfect as possible. Staring into the mirror, Jared carefully tied his bowtie the way Frank Ross had showed him. Jared sighed, wondering if he'd ever live down the embarrassment of approaching the man for permission to keep Alex off campus for the night. Jared dropped by Frank's office, which in retrospect might not have been the best place, but the idea of trying to talk to him at home made Jared's blood run cold. Once the door closed and Jared settled in a chair in front of a large wooden desk it hadn't been so bad. "Liar," he muttered at himself again. "You're going to take Alex to the prom?" Frank sounded pleased but Jared's gaze stayed fixed on a place in the carpet between his work-worn boots. "Yes sir, he sent me an invitation. I wasn't going to but if I don't, he'll go alone." Or not go at all, which is what Jared had done. A decision that made no difference to his life, but sometimes he wished he'd had more courage. 30


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"I think it's a good idea. Since he went to Europe over Christmas again I'm sure you boys have a lot to catch up on." Jared didn't think he'd ever blushed hotter than he did then. He rubbed sweaty hands on his thighs and shifted his feet. "Yeah, well the thing is I'm flying there and staying the night. I…" Jared lifted his gaze, met Frank's puzzled stare, and gave up. He couldn't do it. Asking for Frank to give Alex permission to stay off campus felt like asking for permission to sex Alex up. "I just wanted to let you know I'd be there, in case you want to send something to him." Jared got to his feet. "I'll just go." "Jared." Frank's voice stopped him just as he got a hand on the doorknob. Shoulders slumping, rubbing the back of his neck, Jared turned to face Alex's father. "Do you want permission for Alex to stay off campus?" Frank seemed to be struggling with a twitch determined to curl his lips into a smile. Jared blushed impossibly hotter. Clenching his jaw, he met Frank's eyes. "Yes, sir." "I'll take care of it." Jared breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank you." "I'm a little surprised though, prom huh?" Frank grinned ear to ear. 31


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"You're not as surprised as I am." Jared groaned and fled. Before he'd gone to the dorm earlier, Jared checked in with the school office and he found Frank true to his word. With the arrangements in place for Alex to spend the weekend, Jared's last list was a short one: dinner, dancing, and a return to the hotel. Jared wondered if he'd survive.

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THE THEME IS LIFE

Alex snuggled into the soft leather seat of the limo next to Jared on their way to the prom after enjoying dinner together at one of the finer restaurants in town. Squeezing his hand, Jared smiled at Alex, making his heart pound. After enduring so much teasing about being celibate, Jared showing up for prom felt like a dream come true. His arrival to share the limo with them nearly turned into an event. The girls outside waiting for their dates began whispering and pointing. When Alex turned to see what had worked them up, he saw Jared walking toward him. A ripple of pride ran through Alex on the realization his man had caused such a reaction, and then Lisa's finger under his chin gently closed his mouth. "Holy crap," he whispered to her, watching Jared walk toward them. His broad shoulders perfectly suited for the tux coat that hugged them, the dark blue cummerbund hugged his trim waist and the narrow satin stripe down the outside of the pants made his legs seem to go on forever. "I second that completely," she whispered back, and then Jared stood in front of him and the rest of the world faded into background noise. Jared leaned forward to steal a kiss, his hair brushed Alex's face, enveloping him in 33


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Jared's familiar scent. Alex's breath caught and he thought his knees might give out. It didn't seem fair for Jared to smell as good as he looked. "I got you something." Alex watched dazed as Jared's dexterous fingers pinned the simple boutonniere to his lapel. The single blue flower matched the one laying against the fine black material of Jared's jacket. Alex fingered the feathery petals. "What is it?" he asked. "A blue flower boutonniere." Jared laughed. Alex grinned at the flippant answer, and then lifting empty hands, he frowned. "I didn't get you anything." Jared leaned close. "Oh, but you did. Just take a look at yourself in the next mirror." The heat in his voice tied Alex's stomach in a knot. Alex bit his lip struggling for something to say; finally opting to keep quiet for fear anything he said would come out in a squeak. Jared's hand came to rest on Alex's hip, tugging him forward just enough their bodies touched without crushing their clothes and kissed him again. Alex stared wide-eyed and breathless when Jared moved away. Public displays of affection by Jared? His Jared? "Are you a body snatcher?" Alex demanded, eyes narrowed. 34


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Jared's gaze heated, pupils dilating. "With any luck I will be." His whispered growl left Alex speechless. Chuckling, Jared winked at him and climbed into the limo. Lisa giggled, shoving Alex's shoulder from behind; when Alex just stood there, she pushed him again. "Get in." "That's not Jared," he muttered. Lisa leaned against Alex's back to whisper in his ear. "Oh, I think it is. I think your Jared knows you grew up. Can you handle it?" Alex shot a look over his shoulder that sent Lisa into peals of laughter. Alex chose to ignore her, climbing into the extravagant vehicle to sit next to Jared. At dinner, Alex showed off some of his newly acquired international flair by ordering the escargot appetizer. The waiter set the platter in the center of the table with a flourish. Making a face, Lisa poked a shell with her snail fork as if she expected it to roll over and crawl away. Jared sat well back in his chair watching from a safe distance. "They smell great," Seth announced and grabbed a couple. "Hot too." He hissed and dropped them onto his plate. "The tongs." Alex showed them how to use the tongs the waiter provided to hold the shells and use the 35


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forks to pull the snail out of the shell. Seth ate his share while Lisa continued to poke at hers. Seth leaned over, with an arm around the back of her chair and offered to help. Alex grinned, thinking Seth seemed more interested in stealing them than helping her eat them. Jared had yet to weigh in. "They're good." Alex tried to tempt him with the buttery snail on the end of a fork. Jared cocked an eyebrow at Alex. Choking back a laugh, Alex ate it himself. He'd been leery the first time, but the butter garlic sauce had seduced him thoroughly. "Try one." Jared's slow smile sent heat curling the length of Alex's spine. "I'll try one if you feed it to me." Grinning, Alex deftly pulled another snail out of the shell with his fork, holding it out for Jared to make good on his promise. "Not like that. With your fingers." Alex's eyes locked with Jared's, in silence he pulled the snail off the fork and lifted it to Jared's mouth. When he parted his lips, Alex slipped the snail inside, and before he could pull away, Jared's tongue wrapped around his finger sucking the butter and garlic from his skin. Alex leaned back in his chair breathing hard, his eyes fixed on Jared's mouth as he chewed, watching the movement of the muscles in his jaw and throat. 36


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"Not bad," Jared announced with a wicked glance at Alex before helping himself to another. They were using dinner rolls to finish off the sauce pooled in the platter when the waiter arrived with their meal. To Alex's relief dinner focused more on eating and less on foreplay, but with Jared in such a foreign mood, Alex wondered if he'd make it through the night alive. He wished he'd skipped the cummerbund and went with a dinner jacket he could fasten to hide the evidence of Jared's effect on him. They arrived at the country club in high spirits. Teenagers milled around the outside of the building, hanging out before heading in for the dance. When the limo pulled up Seth and Lisa climbed out, but Alex hung back watching as many of his other friends surrounded them. Alex didn't think of himself as popular, but Jared's appearance that afternoon at the dorm had opened the floodgates of gossip. Jared urged him to get out but Alex grabbed his hand, eyes fixed on the laughing, curious crowd. Lisa looked beautiful in her ice blue strapless gown, hardly like her more down-to-earth every day self. Seth sported his tux with flair, leaving his geeky identity far behind. Magic filled the air, and in keeping with the fairy tale atmosphere, everyone looked like someone else, but Alex felt pretty sure they were all going to act the same as 37


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usual. "Alex?" Alex gave a half shrug in response to Jared's unasked question. "I'm glad you're here Jared." Alex grimaced, that had to be the understatement of the year. "But you know, this is high school. It's fun and stuff, but kinda stupid too." Pressing a kiss to Alex's cheek, Jared chuckled. "I remember high school, I'm not that old." Alex relaxed a little, leaning forward to breathe a kiss into the hair over Jared's ear. "Very funny, old guy. Are you sure you're ready for this? Word is obviously out you're here." Jared gave Alex a wicked grin. "Question is, are they ready for me?" Laughing, Alex let Jared pull him out of the limo and into the group of students waiting to meet his guy. His hand wrapped firmly in Jared's, Alex grinned at his friends, resisting the urge to hide behind Jared's broad shoulders.

Alex

missed

Jared's

usual

keep-to-the-

background way of thinking. Sucking in a deep breath, he began introducing Jared to the dozen or so people hanging around for just that purpose. Despite his discomfort, Alex couldn't have orchestrated a more satisfying scenario to make up for the teasing he'd endured. "Sorry, I've got a 38


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boyfriend." He'd said it to everyone, male or female, who tried to get friendly. Girls took it better; being gay just made him so adorable to most of them. Guys tried to convince him being gay meant never having to say, "I'm exclusive." Now watching Jared shaking hands and chatting with many of the same kids who'd been determined to crack his sexual shell, a wave of relief washed over Alex. Even the hottest of the hunks that had pursued him didn't hold a candle to Jared. Alex never really doubted it, but from

time-to-time,

his

teenage

libido

and

Jared's

unrelenting efforts to throw him into the world had threatened to undermine his decision. Glad he had nothing more than a few already confessed kisses to color the perfection of the night ahead, Alex burned with anticipation. With his sexual experience completely tied up in Jared, who'd never touched him below the waist, insisted they keep all their clothes on and hands off skin not covered by cloth, Alex couldn't help the nervous flutter in his stomach. Having Jared there, with eyes shadowed by lust and with the promise of tonight in his touch, added such a dreamlike quality to it all that except for the very real ache in his balls, Alex might have thought it exactly 39


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that… a dream. Finally extracting themselves from the last of Alex's friends, they headed inside. Lisa and Seth were already there getting their picture taken. They stood on a wooden bridge under the sparkling lights woven through the branches of a huge papier-mâché tree. Alex and Jared took their places at the end of the line to wait their turn. "Lisa looks good tonight." Alex grinned, waving to her as she and Seth walked off the bridge. "She's a pretty girl," Jared agreed. Jared slipped an arm around Alex and pulled him closer. Alex blushed when the evidence of his arousal dug into Jared's thigh. Trying to tug away, Alex's attempted escape failed when Jared wouldn't let go, instead leaning to whisper in Alex's ear, "It's been the same for me since I decided weeks ago I'd be here tonight." Alex trembled under Jared's hand, wishing the dance behind them. When their turn came, they posed for their picture, Alex tucked under Jared's arm grinning. Jared glanced up at the decorations overhead. "The lights in the tree are such a lovely idea. Did you help with the decorating?" Alex's blush renewed itself at the knowing tone of Jared's teasing. "Jerk," Alex snorted, pulling away to escape into the club's ballroom where the spring themed decorations 40


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continued. The flowers were real, and live trees in pots were scattered among the tables, but the forest of trunks on the walls and the branches hanging overhead all intertwined with lights were more papier-mâché. There were candles on the tables in the midst of more spring flowers. Oblivious to it all, Alex headed straight for the refreshment table. He downed a cup of punch, wishing for something stronger. Jared appeared beside him, accepting a cup from the young girl staffing the refreshment table. "We can slow things down if you want," Jared told Alex leading him to one of the white, cloth-covered tables. Alex stared at him. "How about we leave now instead?" Grinning, Jared brushed back his hair with a familiar gesture. "Message received. No slowing down, but we're staying for a little while. I want to dance with you." They sat together at the tiny table, chairs pulled close enough their knees brushed. Even that innocent contact fogged Alex's mind. Propping his elbows on the table, he toyed with his empty cup. He watched the first few couples braving the dance floor but remained hyper-aware of Jared beside him. Lisa and Seth found them, claiming the remaining chairs. "Having fun yet?" Lisa teased. Seth grinned at Alex, 41


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but couldn't keep his eyes off Jared. Frowning, Alex brushed his shoulder against Jared. Lisa elbowed Seth. "Down boy. I think you're stuck with me tonight." Seth rubbed his ribs where her elbow had made contact. "Take it easy, geez. A guy can't admire the view?" Lisa leaned forward and seemed in danger of falling out of the top of her dress. "Depends on the view I suppose." Seth looked dazed. "That one's good." Alex thought Seth might bury his face in her chest right there. Apparently, Lisa thought so too. She laughed, delighted. "Come on, Sexy, let's go dance and work off some energy." Seth followed her obediently onto the dance floor without another glance in Jared's direction. Lisa gave them a flirty wave over her bare shoulder and then turned her full attention to her date and her obvious commitment to the destruction of his brain cells. Jared laughed with genuine amusement. "The quandary of the bisexual: the cock you can't see or the boobs you can." Alex snorted. "He made the right decision since I'd have to kill him over the other choice." Jared's brow rose over his left eye. "Is that right?" Alex met his gaze with hot eyes. "Yes." Alex found 42


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himself rewarded for his brash words by the flexing of Jared's jaw muscle as he struggled for control. Jared's hand found Alex's under the table. "Dance with me." Alex glanced at the crowded dance floor, the movement of bodies matching the beat of the music. A few really bad dancers stood out like sore thumbs. "Can you dance?" He'd never seen Jared dance—dancing apparently being on his 'things to avoid doing with Alex' list. "I have a couple John Travolta moves I dusted off before I came." Alex wasn't amused. Jared snorted. "I can dance. Come on I'll show you." Not reassured, Alex followed Jared to the dance floor with some trepidation. Alex's doubt fled at the feel of Jared's hands on his hips and the movement of Jared's body against his in perfect synchronization with the music. One song flowed seamlessly into the next; highlighted by the chatter of the DJ. Jared touched Alex, hips, arms, hands, face; he brought their bodies together and brushed his lips over Alex's mouth, cheek, tasted his pulse. "Where did you learn to dance?" Alex panted into Jared's ear, more out of breath from the effect Jared had on him than the dancing. "Lessons." Jared stared at Alex through half-lidded 43


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eyes, undulating his hips against him. Alex's eyes went wide. "Lessons to dance like this?" Jared laughed and pressed a brief kiss to his lips. "No. I'll show you. Wait here." Alex stood bemused as Jared left him alone in the middle of the floor and watched Jared thread his way to the DJ. When he finally got there, the guy manning the music pulled his massive headphones off one ear to listen to Jared, nodding and grinning at whatever he had to say. Jared returned to Alex's side just as the DJ announced it was time to 'slow things down' with a special song. One especially for Alex from Jared. Alex blushed, his face so hot he thought he might spontaneously combust. The sweet voice of Kelly Clarkson turned amused looks their way and Alex's face burned hotter. It had to be a joke, but Jared's expression said otherwise. Seeing everything he'd dreamed of for the last three years written on Jared's face, Alex took a step closer. Jared held out his right hand and, looking into his eyes, Alex took it. Jared's hand came to rest on the small of Alex's back. Alex followed him through the first steps of the dance and Jared pulled him closer. "This is how I learned to dance." Jared's breath brushed hot against Alex's ear. "And now I know why. It was for a moment like this." 44


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Dancing cheek to cheek with Jared, Alex couldn't remember his own name much less if what they were doing was the waltz or some other dance he'd never expected to do outside of lessons forced on him by his mother. At twelve, he hadn't cared and didn't recall paying much attention to those lessons, but his feet surprised him by remembering well enough. He followed Jared through the old-fashioned dance steps if not flawlessly, at least competently. Caught up in the moment, Alex almost missed it when Seth swept Lisa into his arms and began to whirl her around the floor, and another couple joined them, and another, as kids began to exercise their own long unused dance lessons. Soon, couples filled the entire floor, waltzing with varying degrees of success. Alex let Jared tug him closer, savoring the feel of Jared's body moving against him, Alex's wish for the moment never to end conflicted with his need to get Jared alone as soon as possible. The song ended and there was a pause before the next song. The chaperones looked amazed and began to clap. The dancers took self-conscious awkward bows, laughing at themselves, and then Usher blared from the speakers and the world returned to normal. Jared tugged 45


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Alex's hand and he followed Jared off the dance floor, letting him wind a path between the crowded tables and shrug off attempts to stop them. Alex breathed a sigh of relief when the door closed behind them. "What just happened in there?" Jared looked back at the doors bemused. "Prep school, dude, they all had the same stupid lessons." Alex opened the door and peeked back into the dance. "You just ensured every guy on the danced floor is getting laid tonight." Alex closed the door and joined Jared on the bridge under the fake tree. "Every guy on the floor?" Alex took a step closer, running his finger under the lapel of Jared's jacket, meeting Jared's gaze with hot eyes. "Without exception." Jared's hand closed over Alex's. "I arranged for a cab earlier, are you ready to go, or do you want to stay a little longer." Alex opened his mouth to continue teasing but something in the clench of Jared's jaw and the set of his shoulders changed Alex's mind. He squeezed Jared's hand. "I've been ready to go since you showed up in my room." "Are you sure? I'm sorry. I thought I could handle this part better; I don't want to ruin your night. You don't 46


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have to leave, just because I'm here." "Jared, stop talking." Alex struggled to keep from pinning Jared against the papier-mâché tree and skipping the hotel all together. "Call our ride." In the taxi they sat knee-to-knee, hands clasped, fingers entwined, not daring to even speak. The elevator ride fell short of torture by the distraction of a cute little girl who offered to share her balloon with Alex. Two maids in the hall kept Alex's hands off Jared's ass while he fumbled with the key card. The door finally opened and Alex followed Jared into the room closing the door behind them.

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ONLY TRUTH

The latch clicking into place sounded loud in the silent room. Alex, his hand still on the doorknob, didn't turn around. In the dim light of the single bedside lamp, Jared watched Alex take a deep breath and then another. Jared stood back, giving him space, letting him decide, and when Alex turned, Jared was there, sliding the tux jacket off Alex's shoulders and crowding him against the door as the coat fell at their feet. His bottom lip caught in his teeth, Alex stared at Jared. Bracing his forearms against the wall over Alex's head, Jared leaned forward, brushing his lips on Alex's. "Too fast?" Hands fisted in the waist of Jared's coat, Alex shook his head. Jared hesitated. Gnawing the inside of his cheek, he studied Alex closely. Alex groaned and leaned his head back against the door with a solid thump. "I'm okay, Jared. I just… God, just don't stop." Reassured by the way Alex's eyes dilated when Jared rocked his hips forward, he cupped Alex's face in one hand and the other dropped to his waist, fumbling with his pants. Jared rested his forehead against Alex's, eyes closed tight. When Alex's buckle finally came loose, some hybrid combination of a groan and a growl escaped Jared's control. 48


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He unhooked and unzipped the slacks in a fraction of the time the belt had taken. Jared struggled for control. He'd planned this seduction of Alex for over a week. He'd choreographed each poignant moment in his mind over and over again, but none of his plans had anticipated this overwhelming need to touch. A slow deep breath helped and Jared thought he had a chance of regaining the upper hand. "Please, Jared, touch me." Alex's plea was the kiss of death to Jared's faltering self- control. His mouth closed over Alex's, and Jared's fingers slipped under the waistband of Alex's boxers, fingertips brushing the damp head of his cock. Alex shuddered and whimpered, thrusting his hips in a silent plea. Jared groaned, his hand closing around Alex's erection. Alex gasped and thrust into Jared's fist. Jared's hand tightened reflexively on the rock hard flesh. It throbbed in Jared's hand, growing impossibly harder and thicker. Alex jerked suddenly, crying out and arching against Jared. His orgasm rocked his body; his cock pulsed and throbbed in Jared's grasp. Alex quaked with the intensity of his release, his cum coated Jared's hand. "Damn, Alex." Jared squeezed Alex's dick, stroking and milking it until Alex sagged, panting and weak-kneed 49


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and spent against the door. Jared pinned him there, nuzzling his neck and ear. "That was not fair." Alex panted, his tone petulant. Jared lifted his head and looked at Alex. He looked back with heavy lidded, glazed eyes and an unmistakable poking out of his lower lip, currently swollen from their kisses. "You're going to pout now?" Jared squeezed Alex's dick. It jumped in his hand, eager for more. Alex moaned, rocking his hips forward, his hands falling away from clutching Jared. "It's embarrassing. You touched me and I came." Realizing

Alex's

cheeks

were

flushed

from

embarrassment as much as excitement, Jared laughed. Pulling his hand out of Alex's pants, he wiped the cum off his fingers on Alex's cummerbund. "Dude, ick!" Alex made a face. Jared ignored him; capturing one of Alex's hands, he pressed it firmly against his own damp crotch. Alex's eyes widened. "At least someone touched you." Jared's tone was gruff but without sign of embarrassment. "Not exactly how I planned things." "You're still hard." Alex's hand closed around Jared's cock through the layers of material. Jared's grasp tightened on Alex's wrist. 50


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"Takes more than one little orgasm to kill a threeyear-old erection." "Jared." Alex hesitated, staring into Jared's eyes, hand still on his dick. "Ask me anything." Jared tried to focus on what they were saying instead of the fact Alex hadn't moved his hand. Jared rocked his hips forward, unable to resist the lure of Alex's touch, hungry to feel it on bare skin. "I told you, about kissing those guys, but that's all it ever was just kissing. Have you, I mean, did you… never mind, I'm sorry, it's none of my business." Jared took Alex's hand off his crotch and threaded their fingers together. With the fingers of his other hand, he lifted Alex's chin until their eyes met. "I'm not going to lie to you Alex. Guys have meaningless sex all the time and no big deal right?" Looking disappointed, Alex tried to duck away, but Jared refused to let him go. "I told myself that more than once. A couple times I convinced myself to go out and do it, even came close once but I couldn't." Alex went still under Jared's hands. "Alex, the truth is there's been no one for me but you since the first time you smiled at me." Alex launched himself into Jared's arms with an enthusiasm that knocked them to the floor. Flat on his back, 51


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Jared stared up bemused at a grinning Alex. Alex's fingers were on Jared's bowtie, which resisted all efforts to untie it. He managed to loosen it enough Jared didn't choke when Alex grabbed the front of his shirt and pulled, popping buttons every which way. Jared groaned in dismay, renting a tux had just become more costly than he'd anticipated. Alex tossed aside the cummerbund uncaring it had come apart at the seams instead of where it fastened. When he pulled the shirt out of Jared's pants, Jared gave up worrying about money or having a coherent thought at all for that matter. Straddling Jared's hips, Alex laid his hands on Jared's stomach, thumbs brushing the bottom of his rib cage. Jared gasped, shuddering under Alex's touch. Jared's cock lay hard and leaking against his stomach, but Alex's intense expression demanded Jared's attention. "Jared, I…" Alex's jaw locked and he bit off whatever he'd been about to say. Leaning forward he pressed a kiss to Jared's jaw. Jared cupped Alex's face with one hand, capturing him there. Turning his head slightly, Jared's lips brushed Alex's curls. "Say it." Tensing at Jared's whisper, Alex turned to face him. "What?" "Say it, Alex, please." 52


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His hands resting on Jared's belly, Jared's hand on his face, Alex brought their lips together. "I love you," he breathed into Jared's mouth. Jared growled and rolled them over, pinning Alex under him. Shoes and socks were kicked away. They struggled out of their pants, but when Alex started to strip off his damp and highly uncomfortable boxers, Jared stopped him. "Let me." Alex lifted his hips and Jared slid the boxers off. Jared's eyes fixed on Alex's groin as his dick was finally exposed. Murmuring appreciation, Jared abandoned the boxers somewhere around Alex's knees, leaving him to kick them off the best he could. The feel of Jared's breath on his dick surprised a gasp out of Alex. Jared looked at him through a fall of auburn hair so dark in the dim light it might as well have been black, his eyes narrowed. "I'm that bad at it?" Alex ran a hand through the silky fall of Jared's hair, brushing it momentarily from his eyes. "No. I just. Well it's you. I thought there'd be more kissing." Jared's hand closed around Alex's cock causing his hips to buck into the touch. "Dude, I've been kissing you for three years. That's enough foreplay even for a chick. 53


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Tonight, I plan to suck your brains out through your dick, and I hope like hell you won't mind returning the favor." Alex's cock jumped at Jared's words, bumping against his cheek. Jared cocked a brow at Alex's reaction. "I guess you're in." Returning his attention to the dick insistently poking his cheek, Jared closed his mouth around it. Sucking hard and laving Alex's cock with his tongue, Jared didn't give Alex a second to recover. His cry filled the room and his hips bucked out of control, jamming his cock down Jared's throat. Jared backed off, eyes watering, Alex tried to apologize but Jared waved it off. He rearranged them, pushing Alex's thighs apart and kneeling between them. Holding Alex down with a strong hand on his hip, Jared wrapped the other around the base of Alex's cock. Leaning over him once more, Jared lapped at the leaking slit, his tongue sliding over the smooth head. Alex spread his legs wider, bucking against the restraint of Jared's hand, fumbling for purchase on Jared's naked shoulders before finally grabbing his hair, pleading and begging incoherently. Jared relented, taking the head into his mouth, encircling it with his tongue, sliding his hand up and down the length of Alex's cock. "Aw fuck, Jared!" Alex bucked and his hands fisted 54


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in Jared's hair as he came. Jared choked, and pulling away got cum in his eye and up his nose as Alex's cock pumped out thick ropes of white. His face covered in cum, Jared looked up and grinned. Alex grabbed him, pulling Jared up into his arms. He pressed a firm kiss against Jared's lips, wrapping a hand around his leaking, needy dick; Alex licked the first line of cum from Jared's face. Jared's eyes opened wide, Alex's grin was devilish. "It's only polite to clean up my mess." His hand moved expertly on Jared's cock with just the right rhythm. A twist and the swipe of his thumb over the head, and Jared threw back his head, rocking his hips into Alex's touch. Alex's eyes widened and he slowed his hand, licking his lips. "Oh, I want…" But Jared stopped him with a hand wrapped firmly around Alex's as he fucked their combined grip. "Too late." He hunched over Alex, muscles bunching, his face contorted, shouting as he came, coating Alex's belly and chest. Laughing and shaky, he collapsed into a boneless pile beside Alex on the carpet. "God, Jared." Jared huffed a laugh. "Okay that was a little intense." He wrapped an arm around Alex, snuggling them together. "You think?" Alex nuzzled Jared's neck. "Oh, you 55


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got cum on your chin." Alex licked it off, and Jared's body gave a lazy shudder in reaction. "Oh, there's more." Alex leaned over Jared and licked cum out of the hollow of his throat, nibbling his collarbone. Jared groaned and his hand slid into Alex's curls, cupping the back of his head. Tightening his grip when Alex enthusiastically sucked cum off each nipple in turn, by the time he reached Jared's navel, Jared's cock had revived and poked Alex's cheek when he nosed along Jared's treasure trail. "Mmm, that's a big one." He eyed Jared's cock, one hand cupping Jared's balls palming them gently. Alex cast a sideways look up Jared's body to meet his eyes. "Good thing I've been practicing." He winked and turned his attention back to Jared's erection. "Practicing, what…?" But that was as far as Jared got before Alex swallowed him to the root, throat muscles flexing around the head, nose buried in Jared's pubes where his hair was redder and coarser than that on his head. Jared shouted, his hands fisted in Alex's hair and he came. His body jerked, shoving his dick further down Alex's throat. Alex swallowed dick with no problem but the steady stream of ejaculate choked him and forced him off Jared's cock, coughing, sputtering, and eyes watering. Alex finished him with his hand and then curled once more 56


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against Jared's side, Jared barely moved. "Damn, Alex." "Sorry, the dildo didn't do that." Alex blushed furiously and hid against Jared's shoulder. Jared shook with his effort to control his laughter. "You just deep throated me and you are apologizing? What the hell, where did you even learn that?" Alex refused to look at him. "Porn. I mean they can all do it and I knew I'd never be able to; I choke on my toothbrush. So well, I practiced." "Practiced? On a dildo?" "Yeah." "Where did you get a dildo?" "The internet, where do you think?" Jared choked back another laugh. "Right. Of course." "I got one bigger than me but well not big enough I guess." Jared snorted at that and Alex poked him. "And it didn't cum so that kinda fucked me up. Stop laughing at me." Jared turned and made Alex look at him. "Not laughing at you. You were amazing. I wish I'd thought of it." Alex beamed, his embarrassment obviously fading in the face of his success. "I was pretty good. You came 57


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fast." Jared kissed him and their tongues tangled in a cum-flavored kiss. "Can we get in the bed now?" "Sure." They climbed to their feet slowly, muscles trembling from their exertions and sore from the hard floor. Jared stretched and groaned, arching his back. Alex laughed at him. "Let's shower first, and call room service. I'm starved." "Yeah, sure, sleep was never part of the plan anyhow." Jared agreed, kicking their ruined tuxes into a pile before following Alex into the bathroom. "You need sleep," Alex complained. "You're old." "Shut up and make sure the water's hot enough, kid." Alex turned from adjusting the water. "I'll be in there, it's going to be hot enough, you'll see." He led a bemused Jared into the shower with a firm hand on his dick.

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PROMISE OF TOMORROW

Alex woke to the slow pet of rough fingers against the skin of his belly and the beat of a heart steady against his back. He stretched, rolling to face Jared. Jared's hand slid to Alex's hip, his thumb grazed the tattoo inked into the tender skin just inside the jut of Alex's hipbone. "I can't believe you got a tattoo of my name. You're a little bit crazy, Alex." Alex nuzzled lazily under Jared's chin. "My name's there too. You should have heard the locker room crap I got. Idiots. I love it. Love you." Jared growled low in his throat. His hand tightened on Alex's hip leaving him unsurprised to find himself on his back, Jared poised over him. Jared braced on a forearm beside Alex's head and leaned in for a kiss. Grimacing, Alex turned away. "My mouth tastes like crap." Jared's mouth chased Alex's and captured it. Tightlipped, Alex resisted for a few heartbeats, before finally giving in to Jared's persistent tongue. As soon as Alex's lips parted, Jared licked inside and if his mouth tasted like crap too it was beyond Alex's beleaguered senses to pick up on it. Jared kissed the corner of Alex's mouth. "Did you really mean no?" 59


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"I just don't want to gross you out." "Good thing to worry about, I'm sure that's gonna happen any second now." Jared's teasing won him a swat on the ass from Alex and a wet open-mouth kiss given without reservation. "Better," Jared breathed into their kiss. His hand moved between them, encircling both their cocks. "Big hands." Alex gasped, arching into the touch. His cock sliding against Jared's hard length through his loose fingered grip. "But no way you'll get us both off like this." "Don't think so?" Jared tightened his grip and Alex whimpered, his hips rocked forward again. "You leak." Alex's face flamed, but Jared's teasing didn't stop the trickle of precum that always accompanied Alex's arousal. Jared rubbed his cheek against Alex's, the coarse rasp of their unshaven jaws a sandpaper caress. "I like it." Alex's eyes clenched closed, his hands fisting in the sheets, his attention fixed on the movement of Jared's hand and the feeling of their cocks rubbing together. Jared's relentless grip pushed Alex to the edge and over, wringing a cry from his throat and cum from his cock. Alex grabbed Jared's hand. "Stop." Jared froze in mid-stroke staring down at Alex. "Just a minute. I have to pee. Now. Then I want to suck you. So just stop." Looking bemused Jared rolled onto 60


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his back tucking one hand under his head the other going straight back to his engorged cock. Alex watched Jared stroke his dick for a long minute before grabbing his wrist and stilling the motion. "Seriously. Wait." Jared tucked the offending hand under his head with the other and Alex scooted to the edge of the bed, his eyes fixed on Jared's cock. Unable to resist he leaned and licked the glistening drop of precum from the slit. Jared groaned and pushed Alex away. "I'll be here and I promise to wait." But when Alex returned, the edge of passion had dulled and Jared headed for the bathroom. While he was gone Alex ordered room service. Waiting for it to arrive, they showered and afterwards they sat crosslegged on the bed, the huge tray between them, devouring bacon, fruit and hard boiled eggs, the promised blowjob still pending. "What?" Jared asked, taking a bite of bacon. Alex ate another egg; glad he'd ordered a dozen of them. "What do you mean 'what'?" "It's all over your face you have something to ask me, so, what?" Jared grabbed another piece of bacon. "Oh, that." Alex took a bracing drink of orange juice. "It's just, I mean don't you want to fuck me?" Jared's lips twitched and he snagged a piece of 61


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cantaloupe. "Seriously stupid question." "Oh. Well you haven't, so I just wondered." "Yeah? Do you want me to fuck you? 'Cause you know you didn't ask." Alex glared at him. "That's really not funny. You were in charge." "Me? I remember getting tackled and swallowed, wait, you owe me another one of those." Jared winked at Alex and ate a grape. "I feel kinda lame going back to the dorm still a virgin." Jared choked on his grape. "You feel like a virgin?" Alex glared. Jared cocked his head. "It's the penetration thing isn't it? Now I have a question. Say I fuck you and you bottom. Aren't you still a virgin? I mean you didn't put your dick in anything." Alex threw a grape at Jared. "You're being stupid." Jared laughed. "Okay I am a little. I guess it's just perspective, you've had my dick everywhere but your ass. My opinion is you can go back to your dorm and report that you are no longer a virgin. If you need more than that you should know I have no intention of ruining our time together by introducing anal sex and you'll be going back 62


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virginity intact." Alex looked surprised. "It's that bad?" Jared moved the tray from between them, setting it on the floor beside the bed. He lay back on the pillows. "Come here." Frowning, Alex settled into Jared's arms. Jared pressed a kiss to Alex's forehead. "Bad or not bad didn't have anything to do with my decision. Stress was the deciding factor." "Stress." Alex didn't sound convinced. "Stress. Alex, when or if we make the decision to have anal sex what do you expect?" Alex shook his head. "I'm missing something. I mean, I figured we would. I know you'll be careful." Jared stroked Alex's arm. "And I will, but Alex it's not just a big deal for you. I haven't had anal sex since I was fifteen. I might know less about it than you do what with all the porn and dildo action." Alex snorted a laugh. "It's not that much porn. You want me to top?" Jared cupped Alex's ass cuddling him closer. "Just one of the things we'll have to work out. The thing is it doesn't always go the way you hope, even if everyone is careful and does everything exactly right." "David is the only guy you ever…" 63


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Jared shrugged. "Yeah. His whole purpose dating me was to get me to that moment. He didn't disappear the next day but it wasn't more than a few weeks. We had anal sex a few times; I couldn't relax. I didn't have much fun. I didn't really have another boyfriend until college and we'd barely started getting to know each other and then my dad died." "So, your entire sexual history is one boyfriend a hundred years ago." "That pretty much sums it up." Alex nipped Jared's neck. "You told me most of that already, but the stuff with David. You're seriously holding back there. How bad was it?" Jared ran a hand through his hair and drew a deep breath. "It hurt. I cried." "Cried." Alex struggled, trying to decide out what to say. "You can laugh." "It's not funny." "Well, it sorta is." "Maybe, if you think you'll get over it." "I might." "You can top." "You owe me a blowjob." 64


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"Very subtle. This subject's not closed." Alex nuzzled closer. Jared tugged Alex until he was sprawled across Jared's chest. "It is for today." "Today." Alex agreed. He sat up straddling Jared's hips. Looking down on him, Alex thought his heart in danger of bursting. "Sit up." Jared sat up and Alex wrapped his legs around Jared's waist. Alex pressed his cheek against Jared's so he didn't have to meet his eyes. "I know you would never use me that way. It's not in you Jared, so you can stop being afraid. I want you every way it's possible for a man to want another, there's nothing I wouldn't do for you… with you. Think about that when you get home, how much I want you." Jared buried his face in Alex's neck, trembling so hard Alex thought he'd gone too far. "Alex." Jared's breath was hot against Alex's skin. "Say it." "I love you."

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WHERE IT BEGINS

Alex graduated. Valedictorian. A full ride to MIT under his belt. Jared hung back after the ceremony watching Clark and Stevie congratulate him. Standing where Alex's mother wouldn't see him, Jared wondered how he fit into the picture of Alex's life. Architect. Alex's dreams were so big and Jared was more than content in the college town managing his small company. Everything about Alex was bigger, better than Jared. Thinking they'd ever manage to build more than a high school romance was crazy. Jared watched with pride as Alex hugged his beaming father and accepted tentative congratulations from his mother. His friends and family posed for pictures. The graduates signed last minute year book signatures and exchanged phone numbers unlikely to be used—all the usual high school graduation rituals. Alex participated but appeared restless, his eyes constantly scanning the crowd. He asked Clark something a couple times and Stevie once, receiving the same shrug and shake of the head each time. Finally, having mercy on him, Jared stepped out from where he'd secluded himself in a group of trees. Jared knew the minute Alex spotted him by the way his grin lit 66


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his face. Jared grinned back, aware of the way every eye in the group followed Alex's gaze. The hate in Alex's mother's eyes burned into him. Taking a deep breath Jared steadied himself. A moment later, Alex filled his arms, laughing in delight and nothing else mattered. A problem didn't exist that couldn't be overcome as long as they were together. Jared hugged Alex hard, one hand falling naturally to his hip. Jared's thumb covered the place where, under his clothes, Alex's body bore Jared's name. He managed to stop short of ravaging Alex with public kisses. "Where have you been?" Alex gasped. "Were you surprised? I wanted you to be surprised." Jared turned Alex back in the direction he'd come from and, with an arm around his shoulders, herded him back toward his family. The day had started off frustratingly for Jared. Stevie and Clark made them late and somehow he'd ended up in his seat without a program. He saw now it had all been a conspiracy. "Valedictorian. Yes I was surprised." Jared stopped just before they reached the others and Alex turned to look at him. "I'm also very proud. That's some amazing stuff Alex." Alex glowed under Jared's praise. "Dad, I surprised him too!" Alex grabbed Jared's hand and dragged him into the center of activity. Jared was 67


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uncomfortably aware of the way Alex's mother moved away and stood watching them, reproach clear in her eyes. Her arms folded over her stomach, disapproval written in every line of her body. Frank grinned at Jared and they shook hands. "We planned to take the kids to dinner before we start back, did you want to come, Jared?" Frank's invitation was sincere, but Jared didn't have to look in Janet's direction to recognize it as one-sided. "Thanks Frank but I have to get back, my plane leaves in a few hours. Clark has the truck; he and Stevie are going to help get Alex home. I'm sure they'd appreciate something to eat." Alex gripped Jared's hand tightly, but Jared didn't dare look at him. They'd fought this battle once already and Jared didn't plan to repeat it. "Alex is going to walk me to my rental if that's okay?" "No problem. Alex, you know where we parked, we'll meet you there." Frank clapped Jared on the shoulder and returned to his wife. "Don't wreck my truck." Jared warned Clark on the way by. Clark rolled his eyes. "Aw damn, my master plan unveiled!" "Language," Jared called over his shoulder leaving 68


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Stevie giggling in their wake. "You could stay long enough to eat." Jared dropped his arm around Alex's shoulders again. "No I can't. Your mom came and that's huge Alex. We'll have plenty of dinners once you're home. At least you'll be there this summer. I half expected you to announce a trip to the Great Wall of China or some damn thing." "Well now that you mention it…" Alex cast a sideways glance at Jared. "Oh, no! This summer is ours before you go off to college and become someone else. Do you have any idea how intimidating the man you are growing into is?" Jared roughed Alex's hair, turning his words into a joke, but he was only half kidding. Alex wrapped his arm around Jared's waist, snugging himself more securely against Jared's side. "I have no idea what you are talking about, I'm only trying to keep up with the man you already are." Jared relieved Alex of his ridiculous graduation cap and pressed a kiss to his sweat damp curls. "You have hat hair." Jared didn't argue with what Alex said. He believed it and it might be true to some degree. Jared knew Alex made him better, something his dad used to say about Jared's 69


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mom. "Look for that Jared," his dad told him. "Not for beauty or smarts, you look for the guy that makes you better. When your mother looks at me she sees a man I'm not sure is even real, but I'll do anything to be that man for her. Love someone who looks at you and sees a superhero. Then be that hero." "Earth to Jared!" Alex laughed. "Don't make cracks about my hair and then zone out, it's insulting." "Superman." Jared smiled; Alex looked like he thought Jared had heatstroke. "What?" "It's how you make me feel. Like Superman." "Spider-man is hotter." "Whatever, get in the car Alex." Jared hit the automatic lock on the key chain. Alex glanced around at all the traffic. "Dude, it'll be faster for me to walk back." Jared grabbed Alex's chin, turning him to meet his eyes. "Get. In. The. Car." Alex's eyes widened. "Oh." He got in the car. Once inside, Jared started the engine and turned on the air conditioner before turning to face Alex. They stared at each other in silence. Jared touched Alex's face, cupping his cheek. "I missed you so much." 70


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"Missed you too, thought about you every second." Alex touched Jared's hand. "Maybe not every second, Mr. Valedictorian." Jared's eyes shown with pride. "You'd be surprised." Alex huffed a laugh. "I had to find something else to think about once in a while to give my dick a break. I thought for a while there I might lose my right hand." Jared nuzzled Alex's cheek. "You're left-handed." "Mmm, not for everything. I throw right-handed and well…" His voice trailed off accompanied by a hand gesture familiar enough to fill in his meaning. "How is it I didn't know this?" Jared smiled against Alex's skin and laced the fingers of their hands together. "Oh, I don't know—the fact that until a month ago all things sexual were taboo?" Jared's lips brushed Alex's. "Those days are gone." "Thank God." With a quiet groan of need, Alex opened to Jared's tongue. Pressing Alex back against the seat, Jared deepened the kiss. After some awkward groping, Jared managed to get a hand under Alex's graduation gown and onto his thigh. Alex sank lower, spreading his legs and Jared's hand slid higher. The musky scent of arousal filled the car. With a moan, Alex's hands fisted in Jared's hair. 71


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Jared pulled back, nipping and suckling at Alex's bottom lip. Panting, Alex held on tight. "Have to stop. Gonna have a wet spot the size of Kansas on my pants." Fingers brushing the inside of Alex's crotch, Jared feigned sympathy. "You do have a small leakage issue." "Small hah! I don't think it's normal. God, Jared, stop." Alex pushed half-heartedly at Jared's arm. "I have to go to dinner and Clark will never let me live it down." "Now that's not normal." Relenting he took his hand out from under Alex's gown. "Your mom is going to be there you know. Normal guys would worry about that." Alex snorted. "Mom will just turn up her nose and make some comment about perverts. Clark will have material for weeks of torment. I know my priorities, thank you very much." Jared ruffed Alex's hair, laughing. "So I see. Oh, I almost forgot." Jared reached into the back seat. "I got you something." He dropped a carefully wrapped box into Alex's lap. "There's no card but it's from me." Alex fingered the bright blue bow. "Really? I never would have guessed." He slid his finger under the tape at one end. Watching Alex slowly opening the box made Jared fidget. "Who taught you to open presents?" 72


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"The save-a-tree-use-the-paper-again fairy. Leave me alone." Jared's teasing gave way to lower lip chewing and worry over whether Alex would approve of the gift or not. When he finally had the wrapping open, Alex folded it and set it aside. He touched the box in his lap, his expression unreadable. "Jared what do you know about drafting?" Frowning, Jared tried to catch Alex's eye and get an idea of what he thought, but the gift held Alex's complete attention, and with a sigh, Jared gave up. "Not much really. I draw up my own plans sometimes but those are just sketches. I wanted to give you something useful. So I Googled and read up on it a little." "Well, the truth is most people know the same things about drafting. I've gotten about fifty T squares and a few straight edges. Three drafting kits, and I haven't even counted the compasses. This is incredible." Alex opened the box, lifting out the tough gray case. Opening it, he ran his fingers over the contents with a fondness that almost made Jared jealous. "I can't believe you got me a lettering kit, a professional one." He finally looked up, his face lit by his thousand watt smile. "You have no idea how much I need this." "I'm glad you like it." Jared looked more nervous 73


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than before Alex opened it. "It's, um, slightly used." "What are you talking about, it looks brand new." Alex lifted the pieces out one at a time examining them, fitting them together. "I can't wait to use it." "Just one of the lettering guides." Jared dropped his tie on the open kit. Shaking his head, Alex laughed and tossed it over the seat. "I wanted to get you a little something else just in case this wasn't enough." "Jared what…?" Alex looked up and froze. Jared's shirt hung unbuttoned to his waist displaying a brand new tattoo over his heart. Eyes filled with wonder, Alex touched the small precise letters that spelled his name. "It's only fair right?" Jared's hand covered Alex's where it lay on his chest. "Jared." And with that the letter kit found itself on the floor as Alex wedged himself between Jared and the steering wheel to straddle Jared's lap. "I love you. God, Jared, I love you." His mouth covered Jared's, but Alex's hand didn't move from where it covered his name on Jared's chest. Jared found the electronic seat control and slid the seat back giving them a little breathing room. The graduation gown kept Jared from successfully finding any part of Alex's body and so he contented himself with tangling his fingers in silky dark curls. Alex's fingers had 74


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slipped from the tattoo to Jared's nipple, drawing a low moan from him, when someone knocked on the window. Alex groaned and hid his face against Jared's shoulder. Jared sighed and hit the button to roll down the window. "Hello, Clark." "So he liked the pen thing huh?" Clark choked back a laugh. Jared flipped him off. Alex sat up revealing Jared's naked chest and Clark's jaw dropped. "Oh, well that's… that's…" He cleared his throat and his eyes met Alex's. "You want to go with Jared? Stevie and I can take care of your stuff." Alex turned hopeful eyes to Jared. "Alex." Jared felt trapped, responsibility demanded one thing, but his heart wanted something different. Relief washed through Jared as he realized it wasn't a decision he had to make. "Call your dad and ask." Alex's eyes lit up and he started pulling at his graduation gown, trying to find a way into his pocket. "Don't have to." Clark lifted his hand revealing a carry-on bag. "Your dad said he'll see you at home." He opened the back door and tossed the bag onto the seat. "No need to thank me. See ya later." "That was a little bit weird." "A little bit," Alex agreed sliding back into the passenger seat. They looked out the windshield, aware of 75


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the parking lot for the first time in a while. "Looks like we missed the traffic jam." "My plane too probably. If you take that green dress off we'll go to dinner, and I'll find us a hotel. We can worry about flights tomorrow." "Steak?" Alex's voice was muffled by the layers of material as he struggled to get the graduation gown off over his head. "You bet. Let me help you." They struggled a few minutes but finally freed Alex from the yards of material. He tossed it over the seat and saved his present from the floorboard. Jared glanced at the backseat. "It's starting to look like a junkyard back there." "Mmm hmm, can we stop for some paper. I want to try this out." Alex fit an ink cartridge onto a pen. Jared started the car. "Before or after dinner?" Alex didn't look up from his letter guides. "Before. We're having sex after." "Right. What was I thinking?" Jared grinned and programmed the GPS to find the closest art supply store and the best steak house in town. Alex was going to need the energy.

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SECRET LIFE

"Never?" Clark sounded surprised, but that didn't stop him from digging into his fries. "Not once." Unwrapping his hotdog, Alex poked the slaw back into the bun. "That's weird. He's kinda mushy. Does it bother you?" "I can't decide." Alex shrugged and took a huge bite of his hot dog. "'e mow shit pweny." Clark cocked his head taking a huge bite of his own Greasy Dog. "Once more without the condiments." Alex took a drink. "How do you do that?" "What?" "Talk with your mouth full without mushing the words." Alex busied himself standing fries up in his ketchup. "Fry army." He grinned at Clark. "I had a sister to torment. Lots of training. Pfft my onion rings will totally take your fries." Clark tossed a crispy fried ring at them. It settled over the top and onto the table without disturbing a single one. The boys stared at it. "Now you're surrounded!" "You suck at fry army." "Yeah whatever, hey you can't eat my troops!" 77


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"Troop, not troops and sorry, he's a goner." Alex crunched up the offending onion ring with satisfaction. "You always cheat. Anyhow, why don't you just tell him?" Obviously deciding his onion rings were better off in his stomach than Alex's, Clark reclaimed them, breaking them up over his hot dog. Alex eyed the mess. "Dude, really? And I did tell him, plenty of times." "Oh." Clark finished his over-garnished hot dog in two bites. "What'd he do, grunt or something?" "No he like growls, and then…" Alex got red-faced and took another bite of his hot dog. Clark burst out laughing. "Oh, I get it now. No wonder you're confused. You have to decide between hot crazy ape sex and mushy sweet talk." Alex sacrificed some of his army, throwing them in Clark's direction. Clark made a passable attempt at catching them in his mouth. "Jared's not an ape, you dick, but yeah. It's not like I don't know he loves me and, well… sex. Finally." "So not fair." Clark moaned. "You getting dick before me." Realizing his tray was empty, he reached for Alex's fries only to get slapped for his trouble. "I may not be ape-sized, but I need to eat too." Alex ate a few more fries, mentally replaying what Clark just 78


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said. "Dude, since when do you want dick?" "Dick, laid, it's all the same to you right?" Alex choked on a fry and grabbed his drink to wash it the rest of the way down. "Yeah, guess, never thought about it like that." "Nothing to think about, it's what you like. You do like it don't you?" Clark chuckled, his expression nothing short of evil as he leaned forward waiting for Alex's answer. "You want details?" Alex smiled sweetly. "I have lots and lots of details." He licked the salt off his fingers one at a time, slowly. Clark sat up. "Well, I'm glad stuff's working out for you." His panic satisfied Alex, who stopped licking his fingers to grin at his friend. "I know when he's going to stay it," Alex confessed. Clark looked surprised. "You do?" Alex grinned. "He's going to say it at exactly the right time. Just like he does everything. It's so fucking annoying sometimes." "Language." Clark tipped his cup in Alex's direction, looking stern. They giggled together. "Yeah I can tell how fucking tortured you are." "Miserable." 79


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"Misused." Unable to keep a straight face, Alex stuck his tongue out at Clark. He pushed his tray aside, keeping only his drink. Clark immediately started digging for abandoned soldiers. Alex watched in silence for a while. "Now, tell me about Stevie. She's acting kinda weird. And dude, not even first base. What the heck's up with that?" Clark grimaced, slouching down in the booth. He ran a strong tanned hand through hair bleached whiter from his time working in the sun than Alex had ever seen it. "I don't know. Patience and all that 'cause I know what happened." He shook his head. "She told me to just admit I was gay and stop pretending it's her." Taken aback Alex tried to control his expression, knowing he'd failed when Clark's eyes dropped from holding his gaze to stare at the table. "She had to be kidding." "Oh, she's not kidding, but I'm not gay. It's her. It's always been her. I waited so she could trust me. I don't want her to think I'm…" Clark gave a half shrug, "… that I just want that. I mean I do. God, do I want… It doesn't matter Alex. I don't think it's going to work out. She's just not interested." Alex's heart ached for his friend. "Clark, she adores 80


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you." "Doesn't seem to matter." Clark flashed a weak grin. "But I'm not giving up yet. We've got the summer; maybe hanging out with you guys will help. Well, unless she really does think I'm lusting after you." He wagged his eyebrows at Alex. "That's just sick." "I know, right." Clark shuddered. "I'll talk to Jared, she can't hold out against us all." Alex's determination cheered Clark and he sat up straighter. "If I can get my lips on her, it'll be all over." The expression in Clark's eyes contradicted his teasing. "We have to be careful, Alex. A person doesn't get over stuff, well stuff like what happened to her." "I know, but maybe you're being a little too careful?" Alex sighed. "I don't have any answers, Clark, but what if she's waiting for you to make a move? Have you tried to kiss her?" "Not exactly." "Maybe next time we get together for dinner and a movie night at Jared's house you could try a little hand holding." Clark stared at the napkin he'd shredded, before sweeping the pieces into his hand and depositing them onto 81


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the tray. "Yeah, maybe. What do you mean 'Jared's house'? Aren't you moving in?" Alex rolled his eyes. "No. According the 'Laws of Jared', living with him will put too much emotional pressure on me when I go to college." "Mmmhmm translation: if he lets you move in and then has to move you out, it'll kill him." Alex looked downcast. "Yeah I guess. Though living with my mom might kill me." Clark laughed. "I doubt that, besides how much are you even there? You're at Jared's most of the time and didn't you say something about getting a job?" "I did." Alex gathered his tray and got up. "I start tomorrow. Come on." Clark snagged his tray and followed Alex. "Slow down, what do you mean you start tomorrow, where?" Alex let the papers and left over food slide from his tray into the trash can, placing the tray on the shelf before he turned to the front counter. "Here." Alex grinned at Clark, accepting a stack of folded clothes from the girl behind the counter. "I'm going to cashier. Thanks, Peggy. See you tomorrow!" The chipper redhead grinned and waved in reply. 82


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"You, work at the Greasy Dog? I thought you were some kinda genius. Even I could do that." Alex stopped and turned around so fast Clark came close to losing his balance to keep from running over him. "You do a job every day I could never do." Angry, Alex jabbed Clark with a finger in his chest. "Don't you ever act like you're stupid around me. Besides, my brain hurts. I need to do something that isn't so… hard for a while." Clark tossed his arm over Alex's shoulder guiding him toward the car. "I get it. I'm not sure it's a good idea though. Seems like it'd be against the law." "Against the law? What?" Alex ducked out of Clark's one arm hug to look at him. "A gay dude selling hot dogs, come on how can that be legal?" Alex punched him in the arm. "Shut up, jerk." Clark's laugh rang out. "Can I interest you in a wiener? Oh, my God, I can't believe you're working here; it's too good to be true. Free Greasy Pounders. Can life get any better?"

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SHELTERED

"Right now I don't even care who it is." Alex slammed the door and tossed his Greasy Dog hat on the table Jared kept next to the entrance for his mail. Running his hands through his hair, Alex flopped down beside Jared in their chair. Looking amused, Jared laid his hand on Alex's neck, fingers easing under the collar of his shirt. Eyes sliding shut, Alex sighed, the caress blurring the edge of his irritation. "Mmmm feels good." Jared's thumb traced Alex's jaw. "You don't care who is what?" Jared turned on his side, smiling when Alex followed suit, fitting their bodies together. Preening under Jared's petting, Alex looked blank at the question. He blinked, refocusing. "Oh, that. Stupid Clark. I don't care who fucks him. He just needs to get laid. He's driving me crazy." "You think that'll solve his problem?" Jared's fingers slid to the first button on Alex's shirt and he fingered it open. Distracted by his seduction, Alex struggled to stay on topic as Jared slid another button out of its hole. "No I guess it won't, but it'd keep him out of my hair for an hour. 84


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Can't you work him harder?" "It's really not my fault he gets off work the same time you go in." Another button open and the back of Jared's fingers brushed the bare skin of Alex's chest. Alex sucked in a breath, his leg slid over Jared's thigh. "Take him to the movies, feed him. I don't care just keep him away from my job." "He's not my boyfriend." With Alex's shirt now all the way open, Jared tugged the tail out of his pants, pushing it off one shoulder. Slipping his hand under the open shirt, Jared's hand splayed on Alex's bare skin, sliding from his waist to the small of his back, tugging him closer. Jared nuzzled Alex's cheek and when his head turned searching for a kiss, brought their lips together tenderly. Alex lost the ability for cognitive thinking. Clark's annoying habit of hanging around the Greasy Dog all night ceased to matter. Jared, his mouth, his hands, the flavor, scent, and feel of him filled Alex's senses. Jared kissed his way down Alex's neck, nuzzling and nipping. "You smell like hot dogs." His breath hot and moist against the hollow of Alex's throat. "Complaining?" Alex joined the game, his hands sliding under Jared's T-shirt and up his back, fingers mapping the familiar landscape of his spine. 85


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Jared's jaw clenched and he shuddered under Alex's touch. "Not even a little bit." His growl as he rolled Alex to his back sent a wave of heat through Alex. Whimpering, he rubbed his hard cock against Jared's thigh, aching for friction. Moving between them, Jared's fingers fumbled with Alex's belt. Alex trailed his fingers down Jared's back, sliding them under the waistband of his sweats to cup his ass. The belt slid open at last and Jared attacked the snap and zipper of Alex's slacks, lifting off him enough to slide the pants off Alex's narrow hips and down his legs. Alex kicked them to the floor, more than happy to be naked under Jared's hard body. "Not fair." Alex tugged and pulled at Jared's clothes until he got Jared out of them. "Better." Alex's breath hissed out. "Oh, God Jared." Wrapping strong legs around Jared's waist, Alex arched his neck to biting kisses that trailed their way back to his mouth. Braced over Alex, Jared leaned to capture a kiss. Alex's mouth opened hungry and eager, tangling their tongues in a slippery wet caress. "Want you, want you so much." Alex's legs inched higher around Jared until his cock slid under Alex's balls and between his cheeks. Jared groaned, and his hips thrust forward. Whimpering, Alex clung to him. "Oh, yeah, Jared. Please." But Jared pulled 86


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back, capturing their cocks together in his strong grasp. Alex didn't protest, thrusting into Jared's hand, clinging to him, their mouths locked together. It didn't take long before Jared's talented touch brought them to climax. Alex came first, crying out, fingers digging deep into Jared's back, cum spilling between them. Alex knocked Jared's hand away, wrapping his own around Jared's rock hard flesh. The feel of it curled new heat in Alex's belly. A few swift tugs and Jared came with a shout, his body jerked against Alex, his face buried in Alex's hair. They came down slowly, nuzzling and petting, relaxing back into the chair wrapped in each other. "I'm sorry, Alex," Jared whispered, the knowledge of what Alex wanted hanging between them. Alex wiped cum off his hand and onto Jared's ass before cupping his face. Jared choked a laugh and Alex's lips turned up in a teasing smile before growing serious. "No apologies. We both have to be comfortable with what happens between us." Jared kissed him. "I wish you'd talk to me," Alex whispered into the kiss. Jared sighed and settled back into the chair. Alex cuddled beside him, arm around his waist and head on his shoulder. 87


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"It's not as simple as everyone makes it look." Jared hugged Alex against him. Alex pressed a kiss to his neck. "Movies, porn, books, they all make it seem so easy and it's not. It hurts." "It must not always hurt," Alex whispered, petting Jared's belly, concerned by how tense he was. "It must feel good some of the time." "Do you think so?" Jared wouldn't meet Alex's eyes, pressing his face into the soft dark curls instead. "Saw David the other day." Alex tensed but didn't pull away. Instead he held Jared tighter, sensing an importance in the words he didn't understand. "You didn't tell me." "Hardly worth mentioning." Silence fell between them. "How is he?" Alex asked just to get Jared talking again. "Not good. He looked bad. He wanted to get together for dinner and talk about old times. The bastard still can't take no for an answer. I finally walked away. Left him talking to himself." Silence fell between them again, tainted this time by the shadow of an unspoken truth. Alex struggled for composure; sure that Jared's choice of words hadn't been an accident. "He can't take no for an answer. Jared what…?" 88


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"No Alex." "But…" Trembling, Jared turned and tangled them tighter together, burying his face in Alex's neck. "Just no. You still smell like hot dogs." Realizing they'd come as far as Jared could that night, Alex forced a laugh. "Yeah I need a shower. Clark'd probably do me the way I smell right now." "Clark would probably do that tree out back about now." Jared laughed sitting up. "Come on I'll wash your… back." Alex let Jared lead him to the bathroom stopping him outside the door. "Just one thing." Jared met his gaze with eyes so haunted Alex thought his heart would break. "What is it?" "Clark is not allowed to fuck our tree." True laughter chased away the shadows on Jared's face. "I'll be sure to make that clear." "And Jared." His lip curled in a half smile, Jared tucked a stray curl behind Alex's ear. "Yeah?" "I love you." "Alex." Jared pulled Alex into his arms and made it clear exactly how that made him feel. 89


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INTO THE FIRE

Jared grinned. Climbing into his truck, he tossed his hard hat onto the passenger's seat and ran a hand through his hair. Finishing early meant he could get a shower before the others showed up for another night of dinner and a movie. Clark promised to pick something stupid so they could make fun of it. Jared could only imagine what a movie Clark thought stupid would be like. Stevie and Clark never stayed late, and Jared looked forward to being alone with Alex. Since starting work at the Greasy Dog, Alex went home and crashed more often than not. Two weeks in his stamina seemed to be improving, but Jared still found himself amused by Alex's reaction to the most physical work he'd ever done. "They don't need my brain at all," Alex whined one night. "I thought that was the point." Jared struggled to keep his face straight. Laughing at Alex when he sounded serious had a tendency to go badly. "Well, I didn't know they meant no brain cells." Jared cocked an eyebrow at him. "None at all? I find that difficult to believe." "There's a lot to remember, but damn." 90


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Jared laughed despite his best efforts. "But remembering isn't something you have difficulty with, I get it. I have a couple jobs you can draw something up for, remodels. If you're interested, stop by in the next couple days and tell Stevie to let you see the specs." Grinning with the memory of how happy Alex'd been with the offer, Jared pulled into the driveway not surprised to see Alex's Chevy parked there. His dad had given him the older model Cavalier Sport for graduation. Jared's anticipation of having some time alone before having company evaporated without regret. He wondered if he could tempt Alex into the shower with him. Finding the office empty, Jared locked up, heading into the main part of the house grinning and eager to see Alex. "Hey, Alex I'm…" Jared's voice trailed off and he hesitated on his way through the kitchen, the sight of blood on the floor stopping his heart. Bloody towels lay on the counter; a bloody handprint marked where someone had grabbed the edge for balance. Panic surged through Jared. "Alex?" Jared shouted. Charging for the bathroom, he almost ran over the top of Alex. "Jared." Alex threw himself into Jared's arms. Blood smeared his face and caked the front of his shirt. "Fuck. Alex what happened." Jared pulled back to 91


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look at him, looking for an injury. Looking panicked, Alex shook his head. "Jared, I'm okay. It's not me, not my blood." Frowning, Jared hugged Alex close in relief, but worry replaced the short-lived sense of relief. "Who? Clark, Stevie? Where are they?" "Bathroom." Alex's hands fisted in Jared's shirt when he moved in that direction. "No wait, you can't go in there. Stevie." Something on Alex's face, in the tone of his voice turned Jared's blood to ice. "Oh, no." Jared broke away from Alex and opened the bathroom door without knocking. Clark knelt beside the tub, his back to the door adjusting the water temperature. Stevie stood in the middle of the room clutching a towel. She looked up slowly when the door opened and her dazed eyes met Jared's. "I made a mess." Her whisper barely audible through lips swollen far beyond their normal size, the bottom one split and oozing blood. "I'm sorry; I'll clean it up after I take a bath." The world shifted under his feet and Jared grabbed the doorjamb to remain upright. Clark didn't turn around, and Alex lagged behind; neither of them knew what to do. Stevie was unrecognizable. Wounds in her scalp seeped 92


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blood, turning her hair into a matted mess. One eye was swollen shut, the eyebrow split above it leaked more blood. Every part of her body Jared could see looked battered. Worst of all, from under the hem of the towel blood dripped down the insides of her thighs and onto the tile under her feet. Stevie looked down and her lip quivered. "It's my fault. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." They were all frozen. Clark stopped adjusting the water and curled with his back to them, his body wracked with silent sobs. For a crazy moment Jared wondered why no one was doing anything. It seeped back into his consciousness that, at nineteen, the others were little more than children, and the only adult in the house stood gaping at Stevie like an idiot. He had to do something. Moving into the bathroom Jared shoved aside his horror, determined to help her. "Alex, go to the bedroom and get a pair of my sweats." Jared grabbed the hand towel and rolled it up. "Clark, get up." Clark didn't move. Jared's jaw tightened as he resisted the urge to take out his terror on the huddled boy. "Clark, get the fuck up." Clark stood up slowly and turned to face them. He rubbed away his tears but the effort proved futile since he kept crying. Jared dug his keys out of his pocket. "Pull yourself together. You have to drive. 93


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We're going to the hospital." Clark took the keys but didn't move. "We can't go to the hospital." Jared stopped his slow approach toward Stevie to look at Clark. "Are you crazy? She has to have stitches… Clark have you looked at her?" "She won't go. She wouldn't go last time and she won't let me help this time." Clark's chest heaved with a sob. "You look at her. She doesn't want anyone to know." Turning back to Stevie, Jared struggled with his composure as she backed away, clutching the towel and shaking her head. "No. No hospital. It's my fault. We can't tell. Clark don't let him, you have to save me like you did before." Jared looked between the two before focusing on Clark. "What the hell, this happened before?" Clark stopped rubbing at his eyes. "A long time ago, before she went to her grandmother's but it wasn't like this, not like… this." Stevie wavered on her feet, and Jared's jaw clenched. "We don't have time for this. Go start the truck, now." Clark fled, leaving Stevie and Jared alone. "Honey, you're really hurt. I can't help. Please let me take you where they can help you." 94


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Stevie struggled with her balance, reaching out to grab the towel rack before she fell over, she stared wide eyed at Jared. The towel fell away and Jared battled with nausea when he saw the battered, gouged condition of her breasts and belly. He took a step closer but she backed against the wall looking desperate and cornered. "God, Stevie, what happened?" Jared's voice broke. "Who did this to you?" She fainted and Jared barely caught her before she hit the floor. Cradling her as gently as he could, Jared pressed a hand towel between her legs, though it seemed a useless gesture with so many other wounds left open to bleed. "Her mother." Jared turned toward the sound of Alex's voice. He stood in the doorway, a pair of Jared's old sweats and a Tshirt in hand. He stared at Stevie, his expression blank with shock. Jared blinked and shook his head, positive he'd heard wrong. "What did you say?" "Her mother did it." "Alex, that can't be right. I know the woman is useless but you can't go around saying stuff like that. Help me dress her. I want her covered up when we take her into the hospital. Where are her clothes?" 95


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"The kitchen." Alex helped Jared slip Stevie's limp body into the soft clothing. It swallowed her up making her look smaller and younger than she already did. Jared's throat ached with unshed tears and his heart beat with panicked fear for her. Standing, he scooped her into his arms. "Put her clothes in a plastic bag and bring them. The Police might want them." Alex nodded dully and followed Jared out into the main part of the house. "Jared." Jared turned to look at Alex. Alex met his gaze. "She told us it was her mother. It happened before. I told her to tell someone when they made her come back. She wouldn't tell. She said she could handle it." Staring at the girl in Jared's arms, Alex's voice broke. "She promised it'd be okay." "She was wrong." **** With one horrified look at Stevie, the young girl at the emergency check-in buzzed them back immediately to the triage nurse. The nurse took them to a room where Jared laid Stevie on the bed. No one could say what happened to her for sure. Clark and Alex were playing 96


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video games at Jared's when Stevie got there only five or ten minutes before Jared. The nurse taking her vitals looked up, interrupting the boys disjointed account about what happened. "Who's her next of kin?" Silence fell on the room. Clark and Alex looked panicked. Jared turned to face the woman who had returned to working over Stevie. "I'm her husband. Clark and Alex are just friends, Clark works for me. They hang out at the house sometimes." "It appears you need to be more careful who you let hang out." A cop stepped inside the curtained cubical making sure it closed completely behind him. "There is a female officer coming with the rape kit. In the meantime can you gentlemen step into the waiting room with me and explain exactly what happened here." In the waiting room, Jared gave Clark and Alex money for the vending machines. "The two of you look like you're about to pass out. Get something inside you." The officer started to protest but Jared shook his head. "They'll be back. Whatever you are thinking about them, you're wrong." "There's a lot of blood that says I might be right," the policeman countered, pulling out a notebook and pen. 97


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"But why don't you tell me about it." "To begin with I just lied to the nurse." Jared's confession caught the officer off guard. "Excuse me?" "I'm not Stevie's husband, but I had to keep them from calling her mother." "Sit down; this sounds like it's going to take a while. I'm Officer Patterson." Jared shook the man's hand and sat in one of the hard plastic chairs set in rows in the emergency room. Officer Patterson sat down beside him, mostly ignoring Alex and Clark when they returned. Alex handed Jared a Dr. Pepper and took the seat on the other side of him. Clark walked over to stare out a window into the parking lot below. "How old is the victim?" "She turned nineteen in January." "Since she is an adult I'll wait and see if you can convince me why I shouldn't call her mother before I do it. What about her father?" Jared glanced at Alex who shrugged. "He's never been around as long as I've known her." "How long is that?" Patterson took steady notes in his little book. "What's your name?" "Sixteen years, we met at daycare when I was two. 98


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I'm Alexander Ross. That's Clark Johnson." Alex waved in Clark's direction. "The three of us are best friends." "The three of you. I take it you were not in daycare with them?" Despite the seriousness of the situation, the officer looked amused. Jared shook his head. "No, I think I was doing second grade about that time." "So where exactly do you fit in this equation. You said you aren't Ms. Holland's husband and that she doesn't have a boyfriend." Jared felt Alex's hand slide into his. "He's my boyfriend." Jared winced. Alex's declaration seemed to hang in the air for a long minute. Clearing his throat, Patterson jotted something in his notebook. "I'm her boss. Stevie works part-time as a secretary for me." "Fine. Now that I know who you are, I want one of you to tell me why we aren't calling this girl's mother." His eyes were fixed on Jared's, who told the story as briefly as he could, filling in the holes with Alex's help. They knew almost nothing about what happened to her that day. "It may have been another boyfriend and not the mother," Patterson observed. "I guess." Jared felt raw and wondered how much 99


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more he could take. Alex squeezed his hand and leaned his forehead briefly against Jared's shoulder. "As much as I have to." "What?" Alex looked at him. "Nothing, just talking to myself." "It's my fault." Clark appeared suddenly, standing in front of Officer Patterson, his hands fisted at his side. "I pick her up every morning and take her home at night. I walk her to her room. When I got there this morning Stevie's mom said she left with Jared earlier. I thought he took her onsite for some reason. That witch had Stevie and I just left. I went to play video games while she was being tortured." "Clark, be reasonable. You couldn't have known." Jared tried to reassure him. Clark's eyes blazed. "She sold Stevie. There wasn't any reason for me to trust her. All I had to do was call you. One phone call. One." Clark broke and Jared barely made it to his feet to catch him before he collapsed. Jared helped Clark sit in the vacated chair, and Alex grabbed his hand talking to him in a voice too low for Jared to make out. "Is there someone who can come and get these kids?" Officer Patterson stood, tucking away his notebook and pen. "I'm going to go out to talk to the mother. Officer 100


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Keller is with Ms. Holland. They need to clean up, maybe eat something and come back. Clear out their heads a little." Jared nodded. "I'll take care of it. Thank you, Officer. You'll keep me updated?" Patterson shook Jared's hand firmly. "I'm sure there are going to be a lot more questions for the three of you as well as Ms. Holland when she's able. You haven't seen the last of me." He disappeared into the back, presumably to fill in his partner. Jared turned to Alex. "Call your dad. Have him come and get you and Clark. Make sure you tell him how bloody you are before he gets here. Get cleaned up, eat, and bring me some clothes." Alex nodded. "Sure, Jared. You'll call right? If she wakes up or anything happens." Rubbing a tired hand over his face, Jared nodded. "You know I will. You have to go outside to use the cell, just wait for your dad there." Jared crouched in front of Clark. "Go with Alex, it'll be better when you get back." "Will it? Will ever be better again?" Jared's gut wrenched at Clark's bleak tone. "Not perfect, but better, I promise." Clark straightened a little. "Are you sure I should 101


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leave?" "You don't want her to see you looking like that do you?" Jared motioned to Clark's ruined clothing. "No I guess not. Sorry about the whole breakdown thing." "If that happened to Alex, you'd be the one doing the holding up. It's what friends do, got it?" Jared gripped Clark's knees, meeting his eyes levelly. "Yeah, got it. Thanks, man." Jared stood and helped Clark to his feet. "I'll see you guys in a little while." Jared pulled Alex to him for a brief hug and brushed his lips against dark curls. "Take care of him." Jared watched them leave, settling back into the uncomfortable chair to finish waiting alone. He popped the top on the can of soda and stared at the doors separating him from Stevie. He tried not to think about secrets and the result of keeping them, but they haunted him. Taunting him with the thoughts of what if, though the chances he could have made enough difference to have prevented this moment were small. A while later the nurse he'd met earlier came through the doors. "Mr. Douglas?" Jared stood and hurried over to her. "Yes?" 102


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"The police officer explained the situation to us, about Ms. Holland's mother." Jared ducked his head. "I'm sorry about the lie. I didn't know what to do." "Well if the police aren't bothered, I'm not." The girl smiled gently. "Ms. Holland is awake and asking for you. We're moving her to a room for overnight observation. The doctor will give you details once she's settled. However, I'm concerned. Ms. Holland said when we release her she has nowhere to go." Jared took a deep breath feeling the weight of additional responsibility settling on his shoulders. "That's not true. She can stay with me as long as she needs to." The nurse's smile deepened. "That's wonderful Mr. Douglas. Please stop by the desk and give them the updated information. Does she have insurance?" "No, but I'll sign off on the financial responsibility." Jared took a deep breath. Stevie had enough to contend with, he'd find out if she qualified for Medicaid or something, but if not she'd never know the difference. "I update her stuff at the desk?" "Yes sir, and I'll come get you as soon as I find out where you should go. She's going to be fine, try not to worry." 103


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Remembering the haunted look in Stevie's eyes Jared doubted she'd be fine any time soon but maybe they could all hope for things getting better.

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HOLD ME

Jared nuzzled Alex's neck pulling him closer. Alex groaned his appreciation, arching into the biting kiss. Jared smiled against the beat of Alex's pulse, rubbing a thumb over the tattoo of his name on the tender skin inside Alex's hip. "Mmm." Alex slid a leg over Jared's. They'd hardly had a chance to be alone since Jared brought Stevie home with him from the hospital. Alex understood. He didn't think Jared should have done anything else, but Jared naked against him felt good. "Been too long." "God yeah." Jared's hand cupped the back of Alex's head, lifting his mouth for a kiss, the other hand slid to rest on the small of his back, drawing him closer. Jared rocked their hips together and the slide of their cocks, hard and ready, stole Alex's breath. Panting, he thrust forward again. "Want something?" Jared teased, his fingers gliding over Alex's hip, his goal obvious. Sudden banging on the door shattered the moment and Jared leaned his forehead against Alex's with a sigh. "Jared. It's the nightmare." Clark's shout through the door came a heartbeat before Stevie's scream split the air. Jared jumped up and pulled on the sweats lying on the floor 105


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beside the bed. He hadn't had more than a couple hours unbroken sleep in two weeks. Night terrors beset Stevie and no one else could calm her. Jared opened the door and pushed past Clark. Alex sat alone in the bed, the sheet pooled around his waist, and watched him go. Clark came in and sat on Jared's side of the bed. Pulling his knees up to his chest, he wrapped his arms around them and rested his head there. "I'm sorry, Alex, she needs him." Alex didn't say anything. He lay down, turning to stare at the wall. "Alex." Alex sighed without turning. "I get it Clark. But, you know, I need him too." "Everything about this sucks." Clark leaned back against the headboard, and his hand covered Alex's shoulder. He lay still for a minute before reaching up and covering Clark's hand with his own. "We're going to be okay. Somehow." Clark didn't answer. Each lost in his own thoughts, they listened to the soft murmur of Jared's voice as he reassured Stevie. **** 106


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Jared stopped in the doorway of the small room. Seeing Stevie sitting up with the blanket clutched against her chest staring at the door wide-eyed with fear, he leaned against the jamb waiting for her to relax. Jared struggled with his motivation for bringing Stevie home with him. He wanted to help, sometimes driven to help people he loved even when they didn't need it, or when someone else might do it better. The abuse Stevie suffered at her mother's hands was outside his experience, but Jared understood how betrayal felt. His experience with emotional manipulation turning to physical abuse left him embarrassed and ashamed, incapable of telling anyone. He suffered alone and the consequences still haunted him. Stevie's case being so public, Jared knew people assumed she'd get the help she needed, but he recognized something of himself in her. Someone had to keep her from closing up and distancing herself emotionally from what happened. The past was weird. Things happened and if you waited long enough, time became a buffer even between you and the really bad stuff. Unfortunately things you didn't deal with had a way of coming back, sometimes when you least expected it. He'd hidden the depth of his emotional trauma behind a teenager's broken heart, 107


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disguising his pain so well that not even the person closest to him ever guessed. Jared realized his emotional damage most likely made him the least qualified person to help. It didn't matter; he couldn't stand back and let her make the same mistake he had. Jared waited patiently for Stevie to relax. They'd developed a ritual over the last two weeks. She didn't like being touched or even approached after one of her dreams and Jared held back. When she took a deep breath, her hands dropping to her lap, Jared also relaxed a fraction. "Okay to come in?" Stevie nodded. Grabbing the chair he kept against the wall, Jared set it backwards beside the bed and straddled it; folding his arms over the back, he studied Stevie. "How's your pain level?" Stevie looked calmer. He didn't ask about her nightmare. She told him she never remembered anything, just the terror tying her in knots. They never talked about it again. "Bearable." Jared nodded. He didn't argue with her about the pain meds, content to let her manage her own pain level. The moment he'd walked into the bathroom had been 108


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burned into his memory but, despite his horror, he hadn't any idea how bad her injuries were. The nurse, promising they'd be homeward bound the next day, had been overly optimistic. Internal injuries kept Stevie in the hospital four days. The nightmares didn't start until she got home. Now two weeks later, she didn't talk about it, not what happened, or how she felt about it. Busy caring for her physical injuries before and after work, and helping her recover after the dreams, Jared didn't have the energy to do more than support her effort to forge ahead, despite his intentions to do more. It became more obvious every day that she had no intentions of dealing with more than her physical injuries. Jared struggled, trying to decide how to approach the subject with her. "Stevie, Clark and Alex think what happened to you is their fault. Alex thinks he should have told me and Clark thinks he should have watched over you closer. Whose fault do you think it is?" Stevie looked surprised by his question. "What?" "I want you to tell me whose fault you think it is this happened to you?" Jared rested his chin on his arms and watched her, his eyes soft with compassion but unrelenting. "It's my fault. I made them keep my secret." 109


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Jared sighed. "Stevie it is not your fault. It's not Clark's fault or Alex's fault. The first time your mother hurt you, you were a child. None of you understood that you had needs other than healing physically, you never dealt with what happened to you." Wrapping her arms tight around her waist, Stevie dropped her gaze to the bed. "Officer Patterson said they arrested my mother. They charged her, but she's too unstable to stand trial. She's locked up in the mental ward and they're trying to figure out if the drugs did it, or if she used the drugs to cope with always being crazy." Silence fell between them. Stevie's neutral tone did nothing to disguise the steady drip of her tears onto the bed. "My mother sold me when I was a kid. This time she almost killed me. They said I might not be able to have a baby." She lifted her face to look at Jared; the shadowed room did nothing to soften the agony in her expression. "Clark wants to be my hero. He thinks he can kiss me and make it better. I love him, but I'm never going to get better." Stunned into momentary immobility by the sudden crack in her stalwart façade Jared shook himself mentally and deserted his chair to settle onto the bed beside her. He wrapped her in his arms and held her close. Stevie clung to 110


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him, crying against his chest. Jared rubbed her back and waited for a break in the storm of emotion. "You can get better; you'll never be the same but after something like this you shouldn't be. Stevie, I can take care of your body, but you need more than that. As much as we love you, we can't help you. We're all too young, too stupid and too male to know how to help. Doctor Tyler gave me some information about a place, Haven Home. It's a safe place for women to live and heal after… after something horrible happened to them." "I'll think about it." She held onto him long after the tears stopped. Jared hugged her. "I wish you'd let Clark do this." "If I let Clark hold me he'd think it meant something more than comfort." "Maybe with him it would." "No Jared, it wouldn't. Not anymore."

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FALLING APART

The sun hot on his shoulders, Jared measured the board and then turned to measure where he wanted it to fit. Building a small workshop behind the house helped distract him from how wrong things were going. He cut the board, nailed it into place, and measured for the next one. He wished fixing Stevie could be accomplished as easily. Physically Stevie healed, getting stronger every day. Emotionally she seemed one step from unhinged. She tolerated Clark, but didn't want Alex around at all, depending on Jared for everything. "Jared!" Looking up from taking another measurement, Jared watched Clark come across the yard toward him. Clark looked furious, the expression a distinct contrast to the depression that had dominated his face for the past couple weeks. Jared sighed, hanging his tool belt on the sawhorse, and went to meet him. "You bastard!" Clark's fist slammed into Jared's cheek, staggering him. His face grim, Jared blocked the next punch and the next. "Fight me!" Clark lunged at Jared, knocking him to the ground. With the wind knocked out of Jared, Clark got in a couple solid body punches before 112


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Jared grabbed his wrists. Clark straddled Jared's hips trying unsuccessfully to twist away from him. Without warning, he began to sob. "You told her to leave. You. Told. Her." Jared let go of Clark and managed to sit up. Clark curled into him crying uncontrollably. "She's not getting better Clark. The doctor suggested Haven Home; they can help her there. We're men, what do we know about how girl brains work? It's not forever; when she's better she can come back." "But will she?" Jared sighed, his heart breaking. He stroked Clark's bright hair. "I don't know." "But she trusts you. You can fix it. You always fix everything." Jared felt rough, clumsy, and useless. "I can't fix this." Clark hiccupped, making an obvious effort to control his crying. "I know. I do. I just wish." "Me too. Did you let her tell you about where she's going?" "I tried. Some women's home thing, she'll be able to work and have counseling." Jared hugged him. "Well, I'm glad you listened to her a little before you came out here to kill me. It'll be good 113


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for her. Her leaving isn't about you Clark. Right now her decisions have to be about her." Clark sniffed. "I get it. I just don't want her to go." "I know you don't." "Jared, if I wait for her, do you think she's ever going to want me?" Clark blurted the question so fast it took Jared a second to decipher it. "I don't know, Clark. I think that's part of what she's going away to figure out. What will you do?" Clark shrugged. "Worry about it when I fall out of love? Right now I'll just wait." "It's not easy." Jared smiled ruefully. "Is anything easy?" "No, no I guess nothing is, but sometimes it is worth it. You know I've been thinking it might be good for you to get away for a while. I have some out of town jobs I think you and Justin could handle; you'd be gone most of the summer." Clark cocked a brow at him. "Dude, anything would be better than hanging around here alone watching you and Alex drool all over each other." "Funny. I'll make a few calls, you should plan to leave tomorrow afternoon to go take a look with Justin, see what you think. Sound good?" 114


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Clark shrugged. "Sure, that's no problem." Clark glanced back at the house. "But what now?" "Help her pack? Share your plans with her?" Clark took a deep breath. "Right. I can do that." Jumping to his feet, Clark offered a hand to Jared. Back on his feet, Jared prodded his tender cheek cautiously. Clark winced with empathy. "That's gotta hurt. It's gonna bruise, sorry." "Yeah, ribs too, not a problem. Nice to know you can't just kick my ass when you feel like it." "I wasn't really trying." "Right. Wanna go again?" "Um, I have to go help Stevie, maybe later." Clark pulled Jared into a hard hug. "Thanks." Jared shrugged and turned back to his building. Clark called his name. Jared looked up to see Clark standing in the door. "Love you, man." "You too." Jared huffed a laugh. "Idiot." He muttered before he caught sight of Alex standing behind Clark. At the look on his face Jared's heart sank. "Damn." He grabbed up his tools and headed for the house. **** "You're mad." Jared dropped his tools beside the bedroom door and turned to confront Alex. Mad really 115


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didn't do justice to the way Alex stood, his fists clenched, struggling for control. Jared wondered what the chances were of ending up getting punched twice in the same day. "Yeah. I'm mad." Jared scratched his head. "You want to elaborate a little? Was it the hugging, crying, fighting, sending Stevie away, sending Clark away, what?" "You answered him." "Are you taking girl lessons? That made no sense at all." Jared's patience, worn thin from an entire day of smoothing emotions, left him with little left over for the person that mattered most to him. "Clark said he loved you and you answered him." Alex's eyes blazed. Jared recognized the hurt in there but didn't know what he'd done. "Alex, he's an idiot. I said me too, that's not an answer." "It's more than you've ever given me." Jared stared at him. "Alex, I told you." "Don't. Don't you dare go there, you know I'm right." Jared sighed. "I'm sorry. I thought. I just thought you knew. Words aren't easy for me." Alex rolled his eyes. "I do know. I know you love 116


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me. It's not just that, it's everything. You're so busy taking care of everyone, arranging their lives, you don't have time for us. God, you're probably going to take care of Stevie's mom too." The look on Jared's face said everything. "Oh, my God, you are. Jared when are you going to figure out that being a mother doesn't make a woman a good person. Any female can have a baby." Jared sighed. He doubted his decision was the best one, but Stevie's pleading face haunted him. "I should hate her, Jared. I know it. I know it but I can't. She's crazy and she's all alone. Please say you'll go see her. She likes you." Jared couldn't forget Stevie's tearful pleas as she struggled to come to terms with her feelings about her mother. In a way Alex was right, but he didn't understand. Stevie needed support; she needed to know her mother wouldn't be completely alone. Clark needed something to do. The company needed him and his mother. Jared felt like everyone he knew was pulling at him, depending on him. He raked his hands through his hair, struggling to find the words to explain. Jared reached for Alex but he pulled away. "You don't want me to move in, have you even stopped to think what it's like for me at home. What living with my mother really means? It's not just facing her hate, Jared, the air's 117


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thick with it. I've got to leave for college in just a few weeks, why aren't we spending every possible moment together? What's wrong with us that you can tell Clark you love him but you can't tell me? I know you get it; you aren't stupid. It doesn't matter what I know about how you feel. Sometimes a guy just likes to hear it." Alex pushed past Jared and fled the room. Jared let him go. He doubted declarations of undying love from him were anything Alex had any interest in at that moment.

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LIKE IT OR NOT

Alex sat alone, poking his ice cream with a spoon. Cold Stone sucked without Jared. Everything sucked without Jared. They sent Stevie off that morning. The ladies with the van were nice but Stevie's relief at going with them made Alex sad. Clark and Justin were getting ready to leave. Clark would only be gone a couple days but if they took the jobs, the rest of the summer would be Clark-free, something difficult to imagine. A whole summer just him and Jared. Alex sighed and took a bite of melting chocolate. "Is this seat taken?" Alex looked up into the kind face of Jared's mother. He jumped to his feet. "Mrs. Douglas, no, please, sit down." She laughed. "Don't be so nervous, Alex." She sat in the chair across from him, her trim jean and T-shirt clad figure hardly fit the image of doting mother Alex had of her in his mind and always gave him a twinge of surprise when he saw her. Beth set her cup of ice cream on the table, vanilla loaded with sprinkles. Alex smiled at the sight of it. "Ah yes you can grow the girl up on the outside, but the sprinkle-loving little girl is always hiding in there 119


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somewhere." "Jared likes chocolate chips on his chocolate ice cream." Alex blushed. "But you know that." "I do. Do you know he'll drink coffee if you load it down with chocolate syrup and whipped cream?" She took a bite of her ice cream, blue eyes dancing with amusement. Alex grinned and dug into his half-melted chocolate, coconut concoction. "No, really? He hates coffee." "Try it. Now tell me why you are all alone in this fine ice cream establishment looking like your dog passed away and my son sounded like the grumpy papa bear when I called." "We had a fight. It was my fault." "I'm not surprised about the fight. You're all under a lot of stress. Jared told me Stevie left this morning. You are close to her aren't you?" Alex nodded. "She and Clark are my best friends. Her mother hurt her before. It makes this time feel like my fault." "But it's not." "No. I guess it's not." "I very much doubt if anything that's going on is your fault. Why do you think the fight is?" 120


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"I just got mad." "I married a remarkable man and Jared is a carbon copy of him. My husband used to make me so mad I couldn't see. My vision would go white or red. I doubt that happens to you though." Alex laughed. "He's a little frustrating sometimes." "My, you are a sweet young man." She snorted inelegantly. "I love him." "He's incredible but you have to remember he's not perfect." "He seems perfect." "Perfectly stubborn." Alex bit his lip trying to stem his amusement. "Well, yeah." "Perfectly incapable of saying what he feels." "Well, not exactly." "I had some influence. Jared's better than his dad, but if 'I love you' has crossed his lips I'll eat ants on my ice cream." Alex blushed. "Sort of what set off the fight." "Let me show you something." Beth retrieved a worn envelope out of her purse. "My husband had these in his wallet when he passed." Inside the envelope were 121


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tattered scraps of paper. Beth handed them over and let Alex look at them. He unfolded them carefully. The first one said 'my son is gay', the second said 'I have a son', another, older than the others, said 'she said yes'. Alex smoothed them with gentle fingers. "Jared does this. Writes stuff on pieces of paper and carries them in his pocket." He unfolded another one. 'We're pregnant'. "It's a little weird, but it's his journal. He keeps it in a box you know. I didn't understand at first all his pictures and scraps and stuff." Beth paused, looking at Alex carefully. "He told you that?" "No, he told me to stay the hell out of his box. I just figured it out." "You are an extraordinary young man." She watched Alex pick up the newest looking scrap. Unfolded it read 'she loves me'. He looked puzzled. "Why is this one so new?" "I asked Red that very thing when one fell out of his pocket. He told me that each morning my loving him was the most amazing thing in his life and so each day he wrote a new note." She pushed the few remaining ones over to Alex. "Read them." Alex slowly read them all. It seemed strange how a 122


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few words on some scraps of paper made him feel as if he knew the man that wrote them. "There's not one that says he loves you." "No, and I guarantee there's not one in Jared's pocket that says he loves you. I'll tell you something it took me years to figure out. Red saw my love as a miracle, a gift, but his love for me was like breathing. Something he did without even thinking about it." "And he didn't say it because no one walks around saying 'hey my heart's beating' or 'wow I'm really breathing today!'." "Exactly. Jared needs to be told you want to hear it, that you need to hear it. I made sure to remind Red, but once in a while, twice or three times a year, he'd just tell me." "And always at the perfect moment." "Ah yes you have met Jared haven't you." She laughed. "You are very lucky, Alex. Treasure what you have, but don't let him walk all over you. Make sure you keep standing up for yourself. Jared doesn't always know what's best." "Thank you." Alex folded up the notes and gave them back to her. "There's no need to thank me." She smiled. 123


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"Perhaps you could do me a little favor." "Sure, anything." Alex stuffed his napkin into his ice cream cup, ready to go find Jared. "When you see Jared, please tell him I'm getting a job." She gathered her things. "It was lovely talking to you. I'll have you boys over for dinner soon. Give my son my love." Beth pressed a kiss to Alex's cheek and was gone. "A job huh? Jared will just love that." **** "Hey, Dad." Jared sat down in the grass and leaned back against the black marble headstone. It stood in the shade of a nearby oak, the huge branches spread over it shielding it from the heat of the sun. The marble remained cool on the hottest day and chill from it sank into his bones. "Miss you." He sat in silence for a long time letting memories take him away from the stress of the present. "I really wish you were here. Everything's messed up. I don't know how you took care of us like you did. I keep trying, but sometimes I can't tell if I'm trying to fill your shoes or just prove I don't need you." A single tear tracked his cheek. Jared listened to the birds fussing in a nearby tree 124


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and the sound of gravel under feet walking along the paths of the graveyard. The cemetery was peaceful in a soulcalming way. Jared read once that people used to have family outings in cemeteries, bring everyone to visit their loved ones. He wished doing something like that wouldn't make him look crazy. He'd bring Alex for a picnic. "Alex is really pissed at me, Dad." Jared sighed. "He wants to move in, I haven't said I love him, and that's just the small stuff. I didn't know I was so messed up. I guess I should have talked to you one of those billion times you asked if I was okay. Thanks to David I can't even have sex with my boyfriend. Well, we have sex but not… you know… all the way." Jared choked back a laugh. "I sound like a girl. I have to tell Alex what happened, but I don't want to talk about it. I want it to go away." Jared fell silent again, and lost in thought, missed the sound of approaching footsteps. "Jared." Alex's quiet voice broke the silence. Jared squinted up; the sun behind Alex made it hard to see. "Hey." Smiling, Alex held out a bag. "I'll leave if I'm bugging you, but your mom said I might find you here. I brought sandwiches." He fidgeted, waiting for an answer. Accepting the bag, Jared chuckled and scooted 125


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over, patting the ground beside him. Alex sat down and turned to look at the tombstone behind him. "Hey, Mr. Douglas." Touching it, Alex turned to face Jared. "He raised a great guy." "You think so?" Jared hated the insecurity haunting him. "I know it." Alex settled down shoulder to shoulder with Jared. A smile curled Jared's lips and he relaxed, opening the bag to peer inside. "I got fired." Jared looked up in surprise. "From the brainless job?" He tried not to sound amused. Alex pulled out a sandwich. "Ham and cheese. And yeah, they said I couldn't multi-task or something. They hired a girl." Jared accepted the sandwich and the bottle of water. "You haven't had the best situation for adjusting to a new job." "No, they're right. I want to finish what I'm doing before I do something else and you can't do that there. My brain shorts out or something. I guess it takes one or two brain cells to do that job right." "You guess huh?" 126


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Alex took a drink. "Yeah. If I had to do that to eat, I'd be pretty hungry." "You'd learn. Hunger is a heck of a motivator." Jared's attempt to reassure him made Alex laugh. "I guess that's true. Did you have a good visit with your dad?" Jared shrugged. "After he got done telling me what an idiot I am. Look, Alex, I'm sorry." Alex stopped him with a finger to his lips. "No. I'm sorry. Jared these last few weeks really sucked. They sucked the most for you, and after everything you tried to do, I topped it off losing my temper like an idiot. What you did with Stevie…" Alex shook his head. "I didn't have any right to crawl all over you like that. It's just something's wrong between us and not knowing what is driving me crazy. I had to yell about something, and that's what came out. I wish you'd talk to me." He sounded sad. Jared sighed; more anger and accusations would have been easier to handle. He took a deep breath. Well, Dad, I guess it's time to man up. Stuffing their trash into the bag and laying it aside, Jared took Alex's hand in his, sliding their fingers together. "Alex, you know I met David when I was fifteen. He made my life different. I hated being gay. The way he touched me made being gay the best thing ever. He touched me a lot and I liked it. A lot." 127


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Alex leaned his head against Jared's shoulder. "You were really young." Jared smiled, Alex's opinion of being fifteen, just three years later amused him. He remembered Alex at that age, so innocent and more like an eager young puppy than a man. Anger at David and what he'd stolen, what he was still taking, welled up and Jared struggled to stay calm. "Young. Inexperienced. Just plain stupid." "You've never been stupid." Alex squeezed his hand and Jared pressed his face into the soft dark curls resting on his shoulder hoping for courage. "Don't bet on that." Jared fell silent and when he spoke again he changed track entirely. "You know some gay men live their whole lives and never have anal sex." "It's a good thing I am smart, if I'm going to keep up with your conversation," Alex teased gently. "Is that what you want? No anal sex." "Sorry." Jared leaned back against his father's tombstone. "Yes. No. I don't know. I don't want to talk about it." Alex's kiss was warm on Jared's throat. "Then we won't." "I have to." "Then just tell me. Like tearing off a scab. 128


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"Scab is a nasty word." "Never thought about it, but it is scaaaaaaab. Like maggot." Alex shuddered. "He hurt me." "Did he force you?" Alex pulled his knees up to his chest, hugging them with his free arm. "Not the way you mean. He said he needed a real man and if I couldn't be one…" Jared shrugged. "I thought I loved him, I didn't want him to find someone else. It wasn't rape. I said yes." "He knew you didn't want to." "He knew." Alex crawled into Jared's lap and buried his face against Jared's strong shoulder. He hugged Alex close, the solid feel of him made things a little better. "Alex." When Alex lifted his head, Jared met his gaze. Alex's eyes were dark with compassion and the lack of pity in his expression relieved Jared. "It's going to be fine Jared, there's no rush. If it never happens, I'm not going to leave you." Jared touched their foreheads together. "I don't want to hurt you." He sighed, his hands rubbing up and down Alex's thighs. "You don't mean just my feelings when you say that 129


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do you? Jared, you'd never hurt me." Alex's fingers brushed the skin of Jared's neck caressing him gently. "You don't know what it's like. I want so much." Jared's hands slid around to cup Alex's ass, pulling him forward to settle more securely in his lap. Their foreheads still touching, Jared avoided Alex's eyes as he struggled to find the right words. "I want you. I think about it all the time. I dream about it. The thought of being inside you…" Jared shuddered, his cock swelling under Alex's bottom. "Jared." Alex's voice broke, his fingers digging into Jared's shoulders. "And then it all comes back, and it doesn't matter what I want because I can't." His voice dropped to a whisper. "I just can't." Alex kissed him. Jared clung, accepting the comfort offered in the kiss, finding more solace in the gentle touch of Alex's lips against his, the feel of Alex's hands on his face, than any words could have brought. "I guess I'm broken." "Then we'll wait." Their eyes met and held. Jared's lip curled into half a smile. Alex's words warmed him, renewing the sense of security that had become a hallmark of their relationship. "How long are we going to wait?" 130


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"Dunno, however long it takes me to fix you." Alex gave him a saucy wink. Jared barked a laugh. "You think you can fix me?" Rubbing his ass on Jared's semi-erect cock, Alex pressed his lips against Jared's ear. "Don't you?" The hot whisper of his breath against Jared's skin made him shudder, his hands tightened on Alex's ass. "I have no doubt." Jared gasped as Alex's tongue traced the curve of his ear. "When do you plan this miracle?" Alex's chuckle sounded low and hot, vibrating against the tender skin behind Jared's ear. "I'm not sure yet. I have a few ideas, but I do know one thing." Jared arched his neck, baring his throat to Alex's teasing nips. "What's that?" "It'll be at the perfect moment."

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FOREVER BEGINS TODAY

"My mom is getting a job." Alex grinned at Jared from across the table. "That's what she told me." Jared watched him take a bite of his steak, obviously savoring it, and felt a rush of pride. He knew his way around a grill and in his mind nothing beat traditional charcoal grilling. The orgasmic expression on Alex's face each time he took a bite just reinforced that opinion. "Why didn't she just tell me?" Frowning, Jared poked at his salad. "Probably because she didn't want to see you look like that." Alex pointed at Jared's face with his fork, laughing when Jared glared. "She never had to work before—before." A muscle in Jared's jaw flexed. Alex cocked his head. "You do realize 'before' she had a job, your family was her job." Jared rolled his eyes. "Yeah I know that, but she worked hard enough she doesn't need to now. I'm handling it." Jared ate a cherry tomato. "This salad tastes like she made it." "She practically did, she brought me stuff from her garden and gave me her dressing recipe 'vinegar, oil and 132


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plenty of sugar for her baby'." Alex sniggered. Jared ignored it and ate a piece of lettuce. "It's good." "Thanks. Could be she doesn't like having her son support her, it's not like she's old and crippled or something." "I guess." "Dude, your mom is hot." Jared looked up and Alex blushed redder than the tomato on his fork. "Look I just mean… I mean… well damn. I meant she's hot." Alex shrugged and ate the tomato. Jared took a deep breath. "She's my mother." "You know what I mean; being your mother doesn't stop her from being a person. Jared come on; stop being such a stubborn dick. You know you supporting her isn't the same as your dad doing it." "I can handle it." Jared quit eating. "You proved that, you proved you're as good a man as your dad ever was." Jared stood slowly and Alex's eyes widened. "Don't you get all indignant with me! It's just the truth. You took over a business you had to rebuild to keep functioning, you supported your mother, and you have your own home. You've looked out for me since we met and 133


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took on my friends without even blinking. I don't understand what else you expect from yourself, or when it will be enough. Dude, you're so perfect you made my dad glad I'm gay. It's exhausting sometimes." Jared sank back into his chair. "What do you mean?" Relief flooded Alex's face and he relaxed. "I mean you don't always have to be the one in control. You can let us take care of you once in a while, or at least let us take care of ourselves. I'm all grown up, Jared, and your mother is healing. Let up a little, trust us." Jared picked up his fork. "I trust you. Did Mom say what she's going to do?" The subject of his control issues obviously closed for the time being. Alex shook his head but didn't object. "No, but she brought us an awesome cake with whipped cream frosting. Want to eat it in front of the TV?" Jared grinned at the wicked eyebrow waggle Alex gave him, popping the last bite of steak into his mouth. "That sounds like the perfect Fourth of July afternoon activity. Fix our plates, I'll clear this up." Jared stood and began gathering their dishes. When Alex passed by on the way to the kitchen Jared stopped him with an arm around his waist. Alex glanced up, eyes questioning. "Thanks." 134


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Jared pressed a quick kiss against Alex's mouth. Grinning, Alex backed away. "No problem, it's all part of the boyfriend package." Jared looked puzzled. "What is?" "Letting you know when you're wrong." Alex's laugh rang out and he ran for the kitchen. **** "I can't believe you made me get up and take a shower so we could come out here in the million degrees, and the billion people, to watch some fireworks," Alex whined slapping at a bug. Lying on their blanket, hands locked under his head, Jared stared at the dark shapes of clouds moving against the even darker sky. Jared didn't turn to look at Alex. "Everyone watches fireworks on the Fourth; it's tradition. You had to take a shower, you were all sticky." "Your fault. You smeared cake all over me." Jared glanced sideways at Alex. "I don't remember you complaining." Alex reached down and adjusted his shorts. "It was hot at the moment, all that sweet skin goodness. I think that's my favorite cake ever." 135


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"I'll tell mom, she'll make it for us again." "Mmm good, dude your dick is tasty with whipped cream on it." Alex blushed suddenly looking around to make sure no one overheard. "My dick is always tasty." Jared corrected, adjusting his own below the waist situation. "Now just stop pouting about a few mosquitoes. Lie down and watch with me." "What if it rains?" Alex cast a wary eye at the scuttling clouds. "Then we'll get wet, worry wart, it won't kill us. Come here." Jared tugged Alex's hand. The first explosion of color filled the sky as Alex cuddled next to Jared. Alex jumped at the sound, hiding his face against Jared's shoulder. "You're scared?" "No," Alex denied but jumped with every boom, amusing Jared. "I don't know which is better, you or the fireworks." "The wrong answer to that question gets you a cold bed tonight." "Liar." Jared nipped Alex's bottom lip suckling it gently and found himself with his arms full of hot eager man. "Jared, God, Jared." Alex clutched at him, pulling at 136


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Jared's clothes. "I need you." He rocked their hips together and the hard press of his dick through thin summer shorts reflected that need. His mouth left Jared's and pressed hot and hungry against his pulse, nipping at the hypersensitive skin under Jared's jaw. "Alex, what the hell were you laying there thinking about?" Jared's hand ran down Alex's spine, coming to rest at the small of his back, pulling him closer. "You." Alex moaned, sliding his hands under Jared's shirt. His answer pumped another gallon of hot blood straight to Jared's cock. His hand slid down the back of Alex's shorts, cupping his ass. "We are so going to get arrested." The cloud cover made the night a dark one, but there were a lot of people close by despite the bushes they'd put at their back when they spread their blanket, and while the fireworks captivated everyone's attention, the display also lit the sky at regular intervals. "We have to go." Alex protested when Jared sat up but a fat raindrop landed on his cheek, and another, and then the bottom fell out. People jumped up squealing and screaming, running in every direction. Jared and Alex sat watching the mass exodus with bemused expressions. Jared tipped his fingers in a salute toward heaven. "Thanks, dude." Alex laughed. 137


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The warm summer rain fell without a hint of thunder or lightning. Jared and Alex were drenched in seconds. Grinning, Alex touched Jared's wet cheek. "It's raining." Jared raised a brow. "Geez, I can't believe they fired a rocket scientist like you." Alex smacked Jared's shoulder. "Not funny. I are smart." Alex went eagerly when Jared pulled him into his lap. Alex wrapped his legs around Jared's waist and nuzzled his neck. So much water had gathered at the juncture of his neck and shoulder Alex came up sputtering. Jared ran his hands through Alex's hair. "God, you're hot when you're wet." Gripping the bottom of Alex's T-shirt, Jared pulled it off over his head. Jared licked the water off Alex's lips and he parted them with a quiet moan. Their tongues tangled and slid together. Jared cupped Alex's face in his hands, slanting their mouths together, nipping and tugging his lip with his teeth. Jared pulled back, nuzzling Alex's face in the dark, thumbs rubbing his cheekbones. Alex pressed close, his arms wrapped tight around Jared, hungry for another kiss. Jared pressed a closed mouth kiss to Alex's swollen lips. "I want you to move in." 138


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Alex froze sure he'd heard wrong. "Jared?" "I'm miserable when you aren't there. Will you move in with me?" Alex's mouth closed on Jared's, hands tearing at their clothes until Jared lay splayed naked in the rain under Alex's talented mouth. Hands fisted in dripping curls, Jared bucked under the hot caress, gasping for breath. Sensing how close he was, Alex pulled away. Chest heaving Jared tried to pull him back down. "Wait.

Jared."

Panting,

Alex

fumbled

with

something in the dark. Jared's hand closed on the plastic tube when Alex pressed it into his hand. "I want to be on top." Jared went perfectly still, doubt flared through Alex but gathering his courage he refused to back down. "I don't mean I want to top. I've just been thinking and if I'm on top I can be in control. You don't have to worry about hurting me because I can stop if it's too much." Alex swung a leg over Jared and straddled him. The hard length of Jared's sex slid intimately between the cheeks of Alex's ass. "Fuck." Jared gasped, dropping the lube and grabbing Alex's thighs, fingers digging deep into the muscle. He lay immobile under Alex. Alex kept quiet letting Jared work through it. Jared's breath caught, his cock jerked and Alex knew he was at least thinking about 139


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it. Jared touched Alex's face. "I wish I could see you." Alex didn't share that sentiment, glad the night rain made it difficult to see anything. He wanted Jared, but his confidence wouldn't hold up to careful scrutiny. "You don't have to see to know I want you. You said you want me too, please Jared, can we try?" "Are you sure?" Alex lifted his hips, sliding Jared's cock between his ass cheeks causing them both to shudder. "So very sure. Trust me." "I trust you." Jared's surrender of control rocked Alex to the core and he sucked in a deep breath struggling for the courage to carry through. He wanted Jared with every fiber of his being, but worry that maybe Jared's fears about the pain were justified kept him from complete confidence. "Okay." Alex's voice wavered with nervous excitement. He retrieved the lube and popped the top on it. Seconds later Alex's hand closed over Jared's dick, slicking it with copious amounts of lube. Jared hissed and when Alex lifted to prep himself, Jared's fingers dug hard into Alex's thighs. "Maybe I should have practiced this." Alex gasped, breathless, not daring to admit to the raw burn caused by the press of his fingers inside his body. Jared's 140


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grip relaxed, turned into a caress just before one hand wrapped around Alex's cock. Alex cried out and thrust into Jared's fist. "We'll practice together." Stress colored Jared's tone, but heat was there too, and Alex felt his ass clench around his fingers. It went a little easier after that, and when Alex rose up on his knees, Jared grabbed his hips helping support him. His hands, usually so strong and sure trembled and Alex could hear his ragged breathing over the steady downpour. Jared's body tensed under him. Alex realized drawing things out and giving Jared time to think wouldn't make it any easier. He reached around and wrapped Jared's cock in his hand… Molten heat rushed through at the feel of the hard shaft, the knowledge of what they were about to do stole his breath and Alex shook with anticipation. Jared's fingers dug into Alex's hips and he felt Jared take a deep breath in an effort to relax. Head bowed under the rain, Alex pressed down onto Jared's weeping cock. When the head breached Alex's body, he made a small sound of pain, indiscernible from pleasure and stopped moving, both his hands locked on Jared's forearms. Panting, he pushed down, pausing again and again, letting his body adjust. Jared perfectly still under him, fingers leaving what Alex thought might be permanent 141


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bruises on his hips. "Alex?" "Burns a little. I'm okay, give me a minute." Little being a slight exaggeration, since it hurt like hell but somehow it felt incredible at the same time. The idea of Jared buried inside him had given Alex the courage to get them to this moment. The reality of it overwhelmed all his expectations. He'd brave anything to have this experience as a permanent part of their relationship. The rain continued to fall, plastering their hair to their heads and washing over their bodies, cooling their fevered skin. Without warning, light flared, illuminating them. Alex knelt over Jared, holding on, fingers bruising; his body fully seated on Jared's cock. They jerked toward the unexpected source of light, and breathed twin sighs of relief to see only the lights from the jogging path shining in the dark. Alex stared down into Jared's face as he lifted his hips, sliding off Jared's dick until only the head remained inside and then back down just as slowly. "Jared." Alex's eyes held the same wonder as his voice. Jared sat up, his cock sliding even deeper inside Alex's body. Alex cried out, wrapping his legs around Jared's waist. Jared buried his face in Alex's neck. "Do you have 142


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any idea how beautiful you are?" Jared's hands slid up his back and Alex whimpered, arching into the caress. Jared's fingers slid into his hair, tangling in the soggy curls. "I can't believe you're mine." Jared kissed Alex, the gentle tenderness a marked contrast to the heat burning between them. Alex moaned. Wrapping Jared in his arms, Alex's mouth opened to his probing tongue. Gentleness forgotten as their tongues slid together tangling in the wet heat. His mouth locked with Jared's, Alex braced his hands on Jared's shoulders and moved his hips, sliding on Jared's straining cock. Their position restricted their movement but it didn't matter, neither had the control, or the desire, to draw things out. Soon Jared cried out into their kiss, his hands fisting in Alex's hair as he came. Staring into Jared's face, Alex grabbed his dick, stroking it hard and in seconds his body jerked in Jared's arms and cum coated their bellies. They clung to one another panting. Alex buried his face in Jared's shoulder. Jared's fingers stroked through Alex's hair and down his neck. "Alex?" Still panting, Alex shuddered in reaction to the light caress, his skin hypersensitive. "I'm okay. Amazing really. Just don't move yet, not yet." 143


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"I won't." Alex relaxed when Jared wrapped strong arms around him with no sign of being in a hurry to pull out of his body. "I might be fixed." Jared's whisper brushed Alex's wet skin sending a shudder through him. "God, I hope so, that was kind of amazing." "Kind of was, kind of still is. You feel incredible. You're sure you aren't hurt?" Jared's

concern

warmed

Alex's

heart,

his

willingness to cuddle still joined gave him hope. "Not hurt. Tender though, you might have to bring me breakfast in bed." "I'll bring you anything you want in bed, or anywhere else. I don't know how you do it." "It really wasn't that difficult, the secret is to use plenty of lube." Jared chuckled against Alex's neck. "Not that. You make life so much better. I'm stronger with you than I ever was alone." "Jared," Alex breathed, cuddling close. They sat in silence, holding each other for a long time before Jared's hand cupped Alex's face, thumb under his chin. Blinking sleepily, Alex lifted his head to meet Jared's gaze. Jared 144


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brushed a gentle kiss over Alex's lips. "I hope you know you're everything to me." Jared's quiet confession made Alex's breath catch, their eyes met and held. "I love you." Alex pressed close, his arms and legs tightening around Jared, their bodies still joined, glad the falling rain disguised his tears. Jared kissed him again, more tenderly than before. His thumbs wiped under Alex's eyes, of course Jared would know, rain or not. "You aren't supposed to cry. Are you sure I didn't hurt you?" "You are supposed to pretend you don't know." Alex attempted a laugh but his breath gave a little hitch. He felt stupid crying but remained unable to staunch the flow of tears. "Oh, sorry. I suck at this," Jared mourned. Alex cupped his face. "On the contrary, you are very, very good at it. I love you too, Jared." They kissed again, the rain finally slacking as their lips parted. "Let's go home." Jared's suggestion the second most wonderful thing Alex had ever heard. Celebrating their first Fourth of July as a couple had turned out more monumental than Alex ever anticipated. He couldn't help wondering how many lay ahead for them and if there would ever be another to match the present.

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NOW AND FOREVER

The first part of the night, the grilled steaks and fireworks had been reminiscent of their first Fourth but this part was new. Alex lingered in the club bathroom. The walls muffled the music, but he could feel the thump of bass through the floor. Getting Jared to the club after fireworks had taken an edge of persuasion Alex hadn't realized he possessed. Leaving Jared alone at the bar was the best part of Alex's master plan. Clark thought Alex bringing his man out occasionally to remind him other men found him desirable was a little crazy. Alex wanted to make sure Jared always remembered neither of them had settled. Peering into the murky mirror over the sink, Alex ran a hand through his curls. No gray yet, but hitting thirty put him in danger. He kept careful watch over Jared but so far at thirty-five Jared was annoyingly free of silver. Alex had no intentions of going gray first. Glancing at his watch, Alex figured ten minutes had been enough time and wandered back out into the noisy press of bodies in the club. In the time it took Alex to wind his way across the room to the bar three guys hit on Jared. He looked annoyed. Laughing Alex snuck up behind him, pressing their bodies 146


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together. Jared jerked around. "Look I…" His eyes met Alex's. He grinned sheepishly. "Oh, it's you. You did this on purpose." Alex wrapped his arms around Jared's waist and gazed up at him. "Guilty." "I was doing it again?" Jared leaned and touched his nose to Alex's, making his eyes cross. Blinking, Alex swatted at Jared. "You were. I'm not the only person who finds you attractive. For a thirtysomething you're amazing. When you were twenty nobody was feeling sorry for me." "I was hot huh?" "Smokin'." "That's nice. Can we go home now?" "You don't want to dance or something?" Alex shook his head, laughing as he watched Jared look out over the gyrating bodies on the dance floor, packed in like sardines. "Not so much." "Home it is." Alex tangled their fingers together and they made their way out of the club. At the car Jared leaned and kissed Alex. "Thank you." Alex stepped closer; he liked the feel of Jared's body against his, one of the best parts of kissing him. A 147


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plump raindrop hit his cheek and another fell into his hair. Wide-eyed he pulled out of the kiss, Jared's grin split his face as the rain fell harder. "It's raining." Water slid out of Jared's hair and down his temple. "You missed your calling." "Jerk. There's a park a couple blocks away." Alex looked hopeful. "Walk or drive?" Alex captured Jared's hand. "Walk." Jared laced their fingers together and dropped the keys back into his pocket. Alex laughed when Jared held up his wrist pointing out the time on the luminous dial of his watch. "It's 11:50." "Rain on the Fourth. Guess I was wrong." A rush of affection washed through Alex when Jared tugged him close enough their shoulders brushed as they walked down the empty sidewalk. The streetlights and store signs reflected on the wet pavement, and apart from the swoosh of car tires in the water, the night was quiet. Jared and Alex turned off the sidewalk onto one of the jogging trails that led into the park. The lights marking the way were reduced by the downpour to small islands of illumination. Alex followed Jared off the path and into a 148


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stand of trees. Alex went willingly into Jared's arms, loving the way Jared's hand slid against the back of his neck, the other resting on the small of his back. "I love spending the Fourth with you," Jared breathed hot against Alex's ear. "It's hard to believe our first one was so long ago. We had a lot of firsts that year." "Everything was new." "That's not true anymore; we know each other so well." Jared tucked a stray curl behind Alex's ear. "Do you ever get bored with me?" Alex met Jared's gaze earnestly. The beloved face cast in shadow but Alex didn't need bright light to know exactly how Jared looked. "Bored, with you, Jared you really have no idea. You lust after me like you're half your age, you treat me like I designed the moon and as well as I know you, I still don't know everything about you. You're always surprising me." Alex pulled something out of his pocket and pressed it into Jared's hand. "I found this in my pants earlier." Jared opened his hand and stared at the small scrap of paper lying in it. A smile curled his lips. Alex rescued the scrap, tucking it back into his pocket before the rain dripping through the trees ruined it. He'd found it just before they left home. Digging for his keys he pulled the 149


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paper out with them. A scrap of nothing, torn off the bottom of the grocery list, Alex didn't know when Jared slipped it into his pocket. 'I love you'. It made his heart ache. "I love that about you, your little notes cataloging our lives and your feelings. I wish I was like that, that I noticed and appreciated so many little things." "You do, your way is just different, somewhat more permanent than mine." Jared's fingers brushed the back of Alex's neck. "We're so different." "And fit together so well, it's still scary even after all this time. I'm getting older Alex. There's going to be gray hair and wrinkles. Maybe my hair is going to fall out and my shoulders will hunch." Alex almost laughed. Leave it to Jared to worry more about his posture than a soft dick. "Jared, I'm right behind you. There aren't that many years between us. We're going to grow old together. There are a lot of years behind us, I guess most of our first times are back there but there are a lot of years ahead and a few things we haven't done yet. I'm looking forward to it; I can't wait to see what life makes us." They kissed, hair dripping with water, rain sluicing 150


Diane Adams

off their faces and arms. "I suppose we are too old to risk being arrested for public sex." Alex sighed, nuzzling under Jared's chin. "I suppose." "Dance with me?" Alex glanced around. "Here?" "It'll be our first dance in the summer rain." Jared began to hum a familiar song and Alex swayed with him to the sound of Kelly Clarkson that had haunted their lives since prom all those years ago. Jared pulled Alex closer, the rain continued to fall as Alex sang softly. Jared fished in Alex's pocket and pulled out the paper. "Hey that's mine!" Alex protested grabbing for it. Jared let it fall and wash away with the rain. "You don't need it." Jared's lips caught his and Alex melted against him. "I love you." The End

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About the Author Diane lives in the Southeastern United States with her three children. She has two passions, her children and her writing, and finds that her time is usually filled by one or the other. You can also read her free stories Never, a short anguished look at a love that will never be, and The Color of Pain, the story of Jared and Alex on her blog. Email: [email protected] Webpage: http://dianeadams.virtualdelusions.com/ Blog: http://diane-adams.livejournal.com/ Facebook: Diane Adams Twitter: d_adams

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