Crombie Jardine PUBLISHING LIMITED Office 2 3 Edgar Buildings George Street Bath BA1 2FJ www.crombiejardine.com This edition was first published by Crombie Jardine Publishing Limited in 2006 Copyright © 2006, Crombie Jardine Publishing Limited All rights are reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the prior written permission of the publisher.
ISBN 1-905102-69-0 Written by Michael Powell Printed and bound in the United Kingdom by William Clowes Ltd, Beccles, Suffolk
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Contents Introduction ..................................................... 7 What a great name ........................................ 10 Another great male invention ........................ 12 Is it a sport or a game? ................................. 13 A Brief History of Strip Poker #1 .................... 15 A Brief History of Strip Poker #2 .................... 16 A Brief History of Strip Poker #3 .................... 17 A Brief History of Strip Poker #4 .................... 18 A Brief History of Strip Poker #5 .................... 20 A Brief History of Strip Poker #6 .................... 21 So what are you waiting for? ......................... 22 Strip poker rules ............................................ 23 Standard boring non nude poker rules .......... 25 SPICE IT UP #1: Win back ............................ 31 SPICE IT UP #2: High five ............................ 33 SPICE IT UP #3: Truth or dare ...................... 35 SPICE IT UP #4: Freestyle ............................ 38
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SPICE IT UP #5: Showdown ......................... 41 SPICE IT UP #6: Snog or strip ...................... 42 SPICE IT UP #7: Ices high ............................ 43 SPICE IT UP #8: Veggies ............................. 45 SPICE IT UP #9: Meltdown ........................... 46 SPICE IT UP #10: Cross dress ..................... 48 What’s the best time to play? ........................ 50 Diddy diving .................................................. 51 Students and alkies ....................................... 52 How to get women to join in .......................... 53 Clothing is bad for your health ...................... 54 Clothing is bad for women #1 ........................ 55 Clothing is bad for women #2 ........................ 56 Clothing is bad for women #3 ........................ 57 Clothing is bad for women #4 ........................ 58 Clothing is bad for women #5 ........................ 59 Location, location, location ............................ 60 Seating arrangements ................................... 62 Open plan ..................................................... 63
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Snacks .......................................................... 64 Good snacks ................................................. 65 Bad snacks ................................................... 66 Lighting ......................................................... 67 Reasons to play strip poker #1 ...................... 68 It’s not about the winning, it’s the taking photos 69 How to stop ugly people from playing ........... 70 Ugly questionnaire ........................................ 71 Reasons to play strip poker #2 ...................... 75 How to stop obese people from playing ........ 76 Obesity questionnaire ................................... 77 Reasons to play strip poker #3 ...................... 79 How to keep a poker face ............................. 80 Reasons to play strip poker #4 ...................... 83 How to avoid getting a stiffy .......................... 84 How not to stare at naked bubbies ................ 86 How to spot if a player has boob implants #1 87 How to spot if a player has boob implants #2 88 Blowing your wad .......................................... 89
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Does my dick look big in this? ....................... 90 How to make your bum look smaller and your boobs bigger .......................................... 92 Movie nudity is mostly female ....................... 93 How to spot if a player has boob implants #3 95 How to spot if a player has boob implants #4 96 Five best places to play strip poker ............... 97 Five worst places to play strip poker ............. 98 Personal hygiene .......................................... 99 Skiddies ...................................................... 100 Fancy dress ................................................ 101 Trashtalk ..................................................... 102 How to spot if a player has boob implants #5 104 How to spot if a player has boob implants #6 105 Skinny dipping ............................................. 106 Strip poker goes global ............................... 107 You know you’re addicted to strip poker when... 120 Three important rules .................................. 121
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Introduction Strip poker – the game of games, the sport of kings. Or rather, the sport of shitfaced fun-loving pervs. And why not? Whoever thought of combining cards with the removal of clothing was truly inspired.
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Poker played for cash can be a slippery slope to penury and ruin, but when the stakes are the underwear of your really hot flatmate, it can be the start of a wonderful new level to your, ahem, friendship. If you want to see more of your friends, here’s your chance. This little book supplies you with everything you need to get you going. Basic rules, hints and tips and most important, how to get people to join in, 8
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then how to get them where you want them – butt naked – while losing nothing more yourself than a pair of socks.
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What a great name Yeah, isn’t it? It does exactly what it says on the tin: you know that you’re in for some poker and some stripping. Wouldn’t it be useful if other games were as straightforward? Take cricket: until you play you haven’t the first clue that you’re in for a whole load of standing around in a wooden shed waiting for the rain to stop; 10
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Rugby: the last thing you expect is to spend the rest of your life as a quadriplegic.
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Another great male invention It’s a safe bet that strip poker was invented by a guy with one thing on his mind: girls getting their kit off. Of course, it’s possible that it was invented by a woman, but there are much easier ways for a woman to get a man to show her his tackle than playing a stupid game. Like asking him. 12
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Is it a sport or a game? The definition of a sport is a game which gets you either muddy, out of breath or seriously injured. Strip poker can achieve all three of these things when played at high altitude in a swamp full of crocodiles, so it’s most definitely a sport. Also, any game involving nudity automatically gains sport status 13
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(e.g. darts is a game whereas naked darts is a sport).
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A BRIEF HISTORY OF STRIP POKER #1 1.6 million BC The first breasts roam the earth, attached to large-brained bipedal hominids. They are naked but very hairy, making strip poker unnecessary on two counts.
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A BRIEF HISTORY OF STRIP POKER #2 10,000 BC Glaciers retreat, allowing herds of bison, mammoths and reindeer to move north, followed by tribes of clothed humans.
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A BRIEF HISTORY OF STRIP POKER #3 AD 1864 Poker originates in and around Mississippi and Ohio River, USA, followed some time after by strip poker.
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A BRIEF HISTORY OF STRIP POKER #4 As you can see, strip poker is a mere blip in the multimillennial history of humankind. Men have learnt to get women’s kit off via the medium of playing cards in only the past century versus millions upon millions of years of so-called evolution stretching into the past.
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It is truly tragic that humanity should have foregone significant progress for so long.
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A BRIEF HISTORY OF STRIP POKER #5 So who were these freethinkers who were able to shake off the intellectual shackles of the past and make the leap of imagination that had eluded everyone else for so long? Cowboys.
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A BRIEF HISTORY OF STRIP POKER #6 That’s right. In the Wild West it was common for men to wager their boots or the shirt off their own back when they were out of cash. It didn’t take long for someone to figure out that it was more fun when the women joined in.
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So what are you waiting for? Hang on a moment. You can’t just leap into a game of strip poker without knowing the rules, otherwise you could find yourself divested of clothing without witnessing so much as a nip slip for your own viewing pleasure.
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Strip pok er rrules ules poker Strip poker is just like standard boring non nude poker, except there isn’t any betting. The simplest way to play is for the person with the lowest hand at the end of each round to remove an item of clothing. The game continues until there is only one player with one or more items of clothing remaining.
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If you lose all your clothes, you have to keep on playing.
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Standard boring non nude poker rules Standard poker is played with a deck of 52 cards. Each person gets five cards and then is allowed to change up to three of them. The player with the best cards wins the game. There are nine patterns to aim for, in order of best to worst:
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Royal Flush
Ace, King, Queen, Jack, 10 all of the same suit. Straight Flush
Five cards of the same suit in numerical order. In a tie, the highest value card wins. If they are identical, the pot is shared. The Ace can count high or low, but not both, so for example K, A, 2, 3, 4 isn’t allowed, but A, 2, 3, 4, 5 or 10, J, Q, K, A are valid. 26
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Four of a Kind
Four cards of the same value. In a tie, the cards with the highest value win. Full House
Three of one value, two of another. If two players have a full house, the higher value of the threesome wins.
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Flush
Five cards of the same suit. In a tie, the person with the highest value cards wins. Straight
Five cards of different suits in numerical order. The Ace can count high or low, but not both, so for example Q, K, A, 2, 3 isn’t allowed, whereas A, 2, 3, 4, 5 or 10, J, Q, K, A are valid.
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Three of a Kind
Three cards of the same value. If two players have three of a kind, the cards with the highest value win. Two Pairs
Two pairs of cards. In a tie the top value wins. If the top value is the same, the bottom value is next, followed by value of the fifth card.
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One Pair
One pair. In a tie the highest value wins, followed by the next highest cards held.
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SPICE IT UP #1: Win back This optional rule makes for a longer game and a nail-biting tension as bras and knickers come off and then go back on again. The player with the highest hand is allowed to put back an item of clothing. If someone fully clothed wins a hand, they can nominate someone else to put back an item of clothing. 31
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This variation is a great way to get the women naked while the men keep their clothes on (assuming you’ve chosen them for their bodies, rather than for their poker skills).
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SPICE IT UP #2: High five This rule enables groups of marauding male pervs to gang up on the girlies. The player with the highest hand can nominate a person who must remove an item of clothing.
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SPICE IT UP #2: High five If you want to be really mean, you can nominate a person and a specific item of clothing. This means you can make someone take off their underclothes before they’ve removed their top layers. Sit back and enjoy the struggle.
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SPICE IT UP #3: Truth or dare If the person with the lowest hand has already lost all of their clothes, they must perform a truth or dare. A truth means that the person must answer an embarrassing and/or personal question truthfully.
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A dare should be something that is uncomfortable for the daree but hugely entertaining for everyone else.
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SPICE IT UP #3: Truth or dare Good dares = touching toes, shimmying, star jumps (basically anything which gets dangly bits bouncing, or separates butt cheeks).
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SPICE IT UP #4: Freestyle In this variation players can wear as many clothes as they like. This game needs a whole weekend to play, and usually ends with everyone getting pissed off, giving up and ordering a pizza. Anyone passing out through heat exhaustion automatically forfeits all clothing rights, and
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should regain consciousness naked. Combine with #5 “Showdown” to speed things up.
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SPICE IT UP #4: Freestyle Jewellery: dig out all your bling and make like a rapper. Gloves: cut through the fingers of your gloves and make twelve garments out of two. Bra: turn your bra into a liftthe-flap experience: each “wardrobe malfunction” counts as one garment.
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SPICE IT UP #5: Showdown This makes for a really fast game where everyone except the winner has to remove an item of clothing . . . . . . and the winner has to remove two items of clothing. That way the exhibitionists can use their poker skill to get naked quicker, while the modest players try deliberately to lose. 41
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SPICE IT UP #6: Snog or strip The person with the lowest hand is given the option to either remove a piece of clothing or to French kiss another player. The player who gets orally owned can either be decided by the person completing the forfeit, or it is the player with the highest hand.
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SPICE IT UP #7: Ices high The person with the lowest hand is given the option to either remove a piece of clothing or to have a piece of ice rubbed on any exposed part of their body, for one minute. If you don’t have any ice, then scope out your kitchen cabinets for alternatives: Marmite, chocolate spread, peanut
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butter, etc. Then the person with the lowest hand next round has to lick it off.
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SPICE IT UP #8: Veggies The person with the lowest hand is given the option to either remove a piece of clothing or to do something suggestive with a vegetable of their choice. The other players must vote afterward to decide whether the action was suggestive enough. If not, the clothing comes off anyway. 45
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SPICE IT UP #9: Meltdown When the first round of cards has been dealt, any player may call “Meltdown”. After everyone has exchanged their cards, if the player wins the round he or she can put all their clothes back on. If they don’t win, they must remove all their remaining clothes.
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Only use this option as a last resort when you’re nearly naked, or if you’re too pissed to care. The Meltdown variation is a great way to spot exhibitionists and adrenaline junkies.
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SPICE IT UP #10: Cross dress This is like #1 “Win Back”, with a twist. The player with the highest hand is allowed to put back on an item of clothing, only it must be something currently being worn by a player of the opposite sex.
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We said there was a twist: when everyone is down to their underwear, you’ll soon have women wearing each other’s bras and guys having to wear each other’s grundies. It’s a pleasure-pain thing. Eventually they’ll be just one item of underwear doing the rounds (right before the start of the mass orgy).
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What’s the best time to play? There are no hard and fast rules, but the best time to play is when you’re bladdered. Just enough so that you lose your inhibitions, but not so shitfaced that you pass out with your face in someone’s tits.
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Diddy diving When placing your face into a woman’s cleavage, it’s always more fun if you remain conscious.
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Students and alkies Strip poker is more of an evening game, since only alkies and students drink in the morning. Besides, if you’re a student, why aren’t you out getting laid, rather than reading this book? Loser.
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How to get women to join in We make no apologies for focusing on women here. That’s because men don’t need persuading. Also, only agree to or suggest a game if you’re in company that you actually want to see naked. Gatherings to avoid include office parties, funerals and all family occasions.
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Clothing is bad for your health Here are five important and persuasive facts that support the thesis that clothing is bad for women and that they are better off naked . . .
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Clothing is bad for women #1 An estimated 75 percent of women are wearing the wrong bra. A badly-fitted bra makes women look heavier or fatter. So three out of four women look better topless.
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Clothing is bad for women #2 Wearing the wrong size bra leads to shoulder and neck pain, droopy tits, rubbing, and permanent indentations in the shoulders.
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Clothing is bad for women #3 Eighty-eight percent of women wear shoes that are too small. Too-tight shoes cause back and leg pain, disturb muscles and ligaments, and hasten arthritis of the knee.
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Clothing is bad for women #4 Sales of thongs have tripled since 1996, suggesting that they are very popular with women. But the price of eliminating a visible panty line is to encourage the growth of B Strep and E Coli. Also the constant rubbing of thongs can cause perineal tears, which can become potential sites for infection, including STDs.
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Clothing is bad for women #5 Seventy percent of women admit to being dissatisfied with recently purchased clothing items.
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Location, location, location Pick your location carefully. You’ll need a room that makes the players feel relaxed. Sitting cross-legged in a circle in the lounge is a good choice for maximum visibility. The kitchen is the worst place because everyone ends up sitting around the table, and
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when they start stripping, all the good bits are hidden and you have to keep dropping stuff on the floor to take a peek.
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Seating arrangements It doesn’t matter what you sit on when you’re clothed, but once naked butt cheeks enter the equation, you should steer clear of leather, polyester and anything that encourages the appearance of big sweatycrack marks and futtocky sounds whenever someone shifts position.
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Open plan On second thoughts, try to avoid furniture if at all possible. Get rid of cushions, and anything else that people can hide behind. Don’t go too far though. If you end up playing in a bare room with a single light bulb, don’t be surprised if your guests think you’re a serial killer.
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Snacks Always have plenty of snacks on hand. Bite-size nibbles help everyone to forget that they are naked, because usually they are clothed when they eat them. When was the last time you ate a packet of Doritos in the nude? It’s called relaxation by association. Also, a woman can’t cover her jubblies when she’s reaching for a snack.
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Good snacks The best snacks are fiddly to eat and require both hands (thus freeing them up from covering private parts). Messy snacks are great because they end up on the body. Good snacks = pistachio nuts (in the shell), Bombay mix, candy floss, popcorn, bubble gum (round balls so they fall on the floor – good excuse to do some twat spotting). 65
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Bad snacks Bad snacks = anything that can be used to cover nudity, e.g. wagon wheels, poppadoms, cheese strings, etc.
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Lighting Lighting should be dim enough so that people feel relaxed, but light enough so you can see all the detail, like those little warty bumps around a nipple that nobody knows the name of. Avoid naked flames like candles. With so much pubic hair on display, there’s a serious risk of bush fires.
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Reasons to play strip poker (like you need one) #1 You get to see women naked without going to a restaurant first.
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It’s not about the winning, it’s the taking photos If you’re hosting a strip poker evening, always set up a hidden video camera: then you can, erm, watch it over and develop your . . . technique. That’s the way sports people improve, isn’t it?
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How to stop ugly people from playing Get everyone to fill in this brief questionnaire. Anyone who can say “yes” to more than two questions should be barred from the game. Anyone with over five should be barred from reproducing.
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Ugly questionnaire When you were born did your parents put tinted windows on your incubator? When you sit in the sand do cats try to bury you? Are your tits so small that you’ve had to tattoo “Front” on your chest?
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Has your face ever been mistaken for a dog’s arse? Did they break the mould before they made you? Does your passport photo look like a Picasso? Can you only find make-up that suits your complexion in a hardware store? Do you have to use garden tools to trim your bikini line? 72
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Last time you bent over, did you get arrested for selling crack? Have you ever had or look like you’ve had an industrial accident? Have you ever run headfirst into a stove pipe? Have you ever scared the flies off a shit wagon?
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. . . and finally, the bonus trick question: Have your breast implants started leaking yet?
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Reasons to play strip poker (like you need one) #2 You can suck at it and still have fun.
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How to stop obese people from playing Because it’s not always obvious how fat someone is until they remove their clothing (i.e. when it’s too late) here’s another questionnaire to weed out the lardies.
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Obesity questionnaire Are you considering any of the following during the next six months: Liposuction Tummy tuck Congestive heart failure? Do you put mayonnaise on your aspirin? Do you iron your trousers on the front lawn?
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Do you long for a figure like Charlotte Church? Do you ever feel out of control around gift hampers? Do you sweat corn oil? Do you own a cheesy poof dispenser? Do you regularly consume more calories than you burn? Is your car made of Lycra? 78
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Reasons to play strip poker (like you need one) #3 It objectifies both men and women equally.
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How to keep a poker face In standard poker it is vital to conceal the nature of your hand from other players by staying in control of your facial expression. This is known as adopting a poker face. There are about five trillion muscles in your face, so keeping them all under control when a hot babe has just released her puppies can be an awesome challenge. 80
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You need to retrain your mind to think that nudity is completely normal. Then you can open your mouth without your tonguing lolling out, whilst your palms stop sweating and your eyes pop back into their sockets. The trouble is, researchers have found that however much you try to keep a straight face, your subconscious lets you down. So don’t be too hard on yourself if every time some kit comes off 81
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you grab your crotch and yell “schwiiiing!”
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Reasons to play strip poker (like you need one) #4 It doesn’t contribute to global warming.
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How to avoid getting a stiffy Unwanted wood is a common strip poker hazard, but there’s nothing wrong with getting a root-on. If you’re a straight man who doesn’t get hard just thinking about women taking their clothes off, there’s something wrong with you. However, you don’t want women to feel objectified, because then they will stop
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playing. So use the age-old way of thinking about something else, or give yourself a quick low-five before the game.
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How not to stare at naked bubbies Are you kidding? And miss out on a diddy fest? Do you ignore solar eclipses just because they’re bad for your eyesight? What’s the point of being in the same room as naked jubes if you’re not going to look? You’ve been checking out fully-clothed nungers for years and now you decide to develop a conscience?
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How to spot if a player has boob implants #1 Real boobs jiggle, fake ones do not. The nipples are often positioned unnaturally high on a woman’s chest, and if it’s a really bad boob job, on the forehead.
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How to spot if a player has boob implants #2 If she falls forward onto the ground and then bounces back up to a standing position. If when you are sucking on them you blow instead and they continue to get bigger.
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Blowing your wad If you bust a nut in the middle of a game, try to keep your emissions below the line of sight. If you are playing at a table, just relax and hope that you can send the incriminating evidence at least six feet away. If it’s a glass-topped table, aim low. Even if you know your friends really well, jizzing should never be a spectator sport.
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Does my dick look big in this? If you’re worried about the size of your wang, there are several ways you can make it look bigger, without resorting to a semi or a stiffy:
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Trim your pubes to reveal more of your genitals.
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Get liposuction: men with beer bellies usually look
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like they’ve got no dick at all; the more flab you’ve got around your tackle, the worse it is.
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Talk about how much you like Will Self’s novels and everyone will think you’re a big cock.
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How to make your bum look smaller and your boobs bigger Unfortunately, without pushem-up bras and hold-it-all-in support underwear, you’re stuffed. No more hiding behind your clothing. Girls, doesn’t it feel liberating not to have to rely on these unnecessary items of female repression?
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Movie nudity is mostly female So why should it be any different with strip poker? Haven’t you figured out yet that getting together with the other guys and cheating is the best way of seeing pink? Swap your cards with other guys when the women aren’t watching. Distract their
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attention then look at their cards. Good ways of distracting women are:
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Throwing chocolate behind the radiator.
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Sending them into the kitchen to get more beers.
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How to spot if a player has boob implants #3 She runs away screaming when you lean over to light her cigarette. She keeps asking everyone what they think of her new boob job.
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How to spot if a player has boob implants #4
Last time you played strip poker they constituted an A cup and now they are triple E’s.
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Five best places to play strip poker
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In a playboy mansion
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In a student dorm room
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In a nymphomaniac therapy group
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In Sweden
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In a hammock
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Five worst places to play strip poker
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In the toilets in McDonald’s
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On the moon
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At Fat Camp
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Anywhere in the Middle East
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In a crèche
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Personal hygiene You’re going to get naked, so make sure you’ve showered, shaved where necessary and are wearing a clean pair of pants. Showing off your racing stripes and other residual stains will ensure you never get invited to a rematch.
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Skiddies Hold in your farts: this is one sport where you definitely don’t want to follow through.
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Fancy dress Playing in fancy dress can add an extra frisson to an already charged atmosphere. Pick an outfit that will either titillate (nurse, French maid, fireman, etc.) or one with plenty of accessories: Star Trek is a shrewd choice, since Spock ears count as two extra items of clothing.
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Trashtalk It makes for some spectacular results when it happens on the football pitch, such as Zidane’s career-topping antics in World Cup 2006. So why not psyche out your opponents with these choice phrases: “Your breasts are the son of a dirty terrorist whore.” “Your love bone is the son of a dirty terrorist whore.” 102
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“Your piss flaps are the son of a dirty terrorist whore.” Etc.
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How to spot if a player has boob implants #5 You stub your cigar out on her nipple and she doesn’t feel a thing. Real boobs don’t come with “Made in Japan” stickers.
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How to spot if a player has boob implants #6 She’s wearing a surgical gown and her tits are covered in purple marker pen. If you reach down in her panties and she has a dick bigger than yours.
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Skinny dipping If you want to go skinny dipping with some friends, strip poker can be a good way to introduce them to the idea. Often everyone is too afraid to go first, but a game of strip poker removes all the guesswork and takes the pressure off. Also it is more subtle than placing your cock on a woman’s shoulder while gazing wistfully at the water.
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Strip poker goes global Strip poker isn’t confined to these shores; it’s gone global, where it is met with varying degrees of popularity. It pays to know which nationalities are more likely to take part in a game, and which would say no. Let’s take a look at some of these national characteristics.
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Strip poker around the world: GERMAN Germans enjoy strip poker, because they love playing nude volleyball, paddleball, kickball, football . . . anything that involves being starkers. It’s legal to take your clothes off anywhere in the country and with the lowest working hours in Europe, they’ve got plenty of time on their hands.
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Strip poker around the world: FRENCH The official symbol of France is a cock and French women can’t go within five kilometres of a beach without getting their tits out. They single-handedly invented sex and even their bread is phallic. Strip poker is just another excuse to ditch those black turtle-neck sweaters and bright anoraks.
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Strip poker around the world: AMERICAN Americans can’t play sports without upholstery, helmets, brightly coloured Lycra tights and four-hundred substitutes. So they may be reluctant to play a game where they have to take off their kit, rather than pile it on. It also means taking time out from driving around the place wasting petrol and shooting animals.
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Strip poker around the world: IRISH It is too cruel to ask the Irish to play strip poker because they are so pale that taking off their clothes risks exposing them to lethal solar radiation.
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Strip poker around the world: SCOTTISH Although she’ll be keen to play, it is impossible to get a Scottish woman naked because she’ll have so many scrunchies in her hair, piercings and sovereign rings that she’ll never have to take off any actual clothes. True Scottish men in kilts, on the other hand, will be disadvantaged from the start.
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Strip poker around the world: WELSH To a Welsh person strip poker may seem like a waste of time, since in Wales it is possible to get laid simply by putting a ‘Motorsport’ sunstrip on your 1.1 litre Fiesta and doing a few handbrake turns on the beach. Unless you live in Wrexham, where the beach is too far to reach without calling the RAC.
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Strip poker around the world: ENGLISH Whenever it’s sunny, twohundred thousand English families demonstrate their collective insanity by dragging a caravan down the M5 for a cream tea in Devon. If more of them stayed at home and played strip poker it would solve the national road congestion problem overnight. However, at home they are
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obsessed with standing in the rain and buying up all the soggy useless crap that other people don’t want. You may persuade them to join in if there isn’t a car boot sale within fifty miles.
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Strip poker around the world: JAPANESE Japanese culture discourages singling out individuals, so when one person loses a hand, everyone gets their kit off. There’s no chance of anyone getting an unwanted boner, because Japanese people are so stressed by overwork that they’re completely incapable of mustering an erection.
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Strip poker around the world: SWEDISH We have nothing but good things to say about the Swedes. The French may have invented sex, but the Swedes invented nudity, and they’re great at it. They’re also uncannily bad at card games, making Swedish women perfect strip poker participants.
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Strip poker around the world: ARABIC Three reasons why you don’t want to invite Arab women to play strip poker: 1. Hijab 2. Fatois 3. Jehad
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Strip poker around the world: ITALIAN As long as you don’t mind the cheating, diving under the table clutching their legs, and having your mother insulted, Italians are tolerable strip poker players. Plus they would rather take their underwear off than be seen in public without a smart pair of shoes.
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You know you’re addicted to strip poker when . . . You replace all the buttons on your clothes with Velcro. The mere sight of a Full House triggers a Pavlovian “woody”. You send out wedding invitations instructing guests that Aces are high.
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Three important rules There are three principles to remember when playing strip poker: 1.
Keep your chest close to your cards.
2.
Keep your eyes moving (don’t gawp, unless nobody is watching).
3.
Never do card tricks in front of the other players. 121
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If you enjoyed reading this book and have any comments to make, or suggestions for other Little Books, please email us at:
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