SILHOUETTE …Jimmy gently rolled Esther’s body on top of his. For a moment, they both laughed, for next to Jimmy was a perfect silhouette of Esther. Her body’s perspiration stained the old dry floorboards and would forever keep their secret. As she lay on top of him, Esther gently ran her hands across Jimmy’s well-built body. She knew every forbidden inch of it and she reveled in his maleness. His long legs wove around hers, and his hands moved skillfully over her body as she likewise caressed his. He filled her with an indescribable desire. His touch was erotic and drove her deliciously insane. The cabin was no longer some broken-down shanty. It was a palace of passion and desire. It was a private paradise. It was a libido love nest as Jimmy and Esther filled the room with soft moans, gentle rocking motions, and the sweet smell of lovemaking. Neither ever wanted this moment to end. Jimmy wildly rolled on top of Esther, sweetly touching his lips to hers. He slipped his hand under her hips and pressed his body so firmly against her soft, wet skin that the moment took his breath away. His anticipation was overwhelming. He lunged his groin toward hers and at that moment, they became one—wild with passion, beyond soul mates, forever connected. Ecstasy was over all too quickly, but as they lay in each other’s arms, drenched with sweat, exhausted and content, the man and the woman giggled the way only lovers do. In their silence, they wondered how things ever got this far and if this madness called lust would ever release them from its forbidden hold…
PRAISE FOR SILHOUETTE
“…For those looking for steamy erotic fiction with twists and turns, Silhouette is an amazing tale that draws readers in and keeps them riveted to the story. Silhouette reaffirms my earlier discovery of Morgana MacArthur’s writing abilities. Terrific!” —Tracey West The Road To Romance
ALSO BY MORGANA MACARTHUR The Ditchwalkers Tradewind Island
SILHOUETTE BY MORGANA MACARTHUR
AMBER QUILL PRESS, LLC http://www.amberquill.com
SILHOUETTE AN AMBER QUILL PRESS BOOK This book is a work of fiction. All names, characters, locations, and incidents are products of the author’s imagination, or have been used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons living or dead, locales, or events is entirely coincidental. Amber Quill Press, LLC http://www.amberquill.com All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be transmitted or reproduced in any form, or by any means, without permission in writing from the publisher, with the exception of brief excerpts used for the purposes of review. Copyright © 2004 by Morgana MacArthur ISBN 1-59279-251-0 Cover Art © 2004 Trace Edward Zaber
Layout and Formatting provided by: ElementalAlchemy.com
PUBLISHED IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA
Thanks to Faith Jacobs, a friend from the past, who helped me put this story into words.
SILHOUETTE
CHAPTER 1
The day was damp and so were the hearts of the family and friends who attended Esther Jo Elrod’s funeral. The sun had risen with a slow sadness as if it could barely pull over the horizon. A yellow tint washed over the land and left a heavy feeling in the air. Dew as thick as raindrops fell lethargically from somewhere—from everywhere—and muddied the morning. When Jimmy Elrod, Esther’s husband of eighteen years, had died a year ago, she fell ill shortly after. Death claimed her quickly. Some swore it was from a lonely soul. Appropriately, the service was held in the Wiccan tradition, in a room beautifully decorated with evergreen boughs and golden roses. Nearly a hundred candles were clustered in the corners of the room, their glow turning the yellow morning softer, warmer. Esther, a solid practitioner of Wicca, would have beamed with pride. Jimmy’s twin granddaughters, Cassie and Polly, also strong in Wiccan faith, served as priestesses for the ceremony. The service was 1
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small and simple, but the message was a celebration of a powerful woman. Before the mourners arrived, a circle was cast around Esther’s coffin. A silver-framed picture of a youthful Esther topped the casket. In the prime of her life, her steel blue eyes had been daring, dauntless, determined. In old age, her eyes had turned grayer but held the strength. The tall and lanky Cassie stepped forward to direct the guests in spoken ritual. She smoothed her long, silky golden hair back over her shoulders, clasped her hands in front of her, and spoke with confidence. “If you will all stand and form a circle, we will give our last respects to Esther Jo by remembering that death cannot take away love or our loved ones. We’ll listen as my sister begins the reading from Esther’s personal copy of the Witches Bible.” Reverend Tapley, one of the community’s most respected ministers, now too old and blind to assist with any service, rolled forward in his wheelchair. He swallowed hard at the reference to the Pagan book which had guided Esther’s life-long religion and had raised more than a few eyebrows including his. He rubbed his gnarled hand over his dark, bald head. Damn that Esther. The old bat managed to get me to come to her wake. Cassie turned to her twin sister, Polly. They were almost identical but for the hair color. Polly had long curls, all red. She took a deep breath then recited directly from the Pagan Bible: “Behold a woman who has been three women. First a girl full of dreams and hope.” She passed the book to her mother, Tammy Jean, whose oncesmooth skin and dark shiny mane were now prisoners of fine lines and shades of gray. She took the book with shaking hands and continued the passage: “Then a mother who brought forth life and gave love.” She quickly looked up and scanned the mourners. Most were 2
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expressionless, frozen in their own personal grief. She sighed to clear her nervousness and carefully passed the book to Reverend Tapley. She bent down and whispered in his ear the words he would speak. He repeated them with depth and wisdom, rather ironic for the now feeble man: “Finally, an elder, rich in knowledge and experience.” He weakly lifted the Bible, and Mo, Tammy’s husband, took the leather-bound book. He completed the ritual by reading the final words: “Her journey is ended now. A new one has begun. Let us say farewell and entreat all her loved ones who have passed before her to greet and guide her on her way.” The mourners joined hands then sang a lovely song of praise. As they sang, they moved back, widening the circle until it was no more. The ceremony was over. As the guests filtered out, Cassie and Polly stayed behind. They wanted to spend some time together. They had both taken jobs at the opposite ends of the state—Cassie in Miami and Polly in the Florida Panhandle—and rarely had an opportunity to talk. Now was the perfect moment to share their memories of Esther, their mother and father, and the town of Providence with each other. The young women embraced in the magnetic way twins do, then pulled back. To each, it was like looking in a mirror. The same green eyes—those of their mother. The dimples—their father’s. The thick, coarse hair—clearly their grandmother’s. “Let’s sit,” Cassie suggested and pulled her sister toward the folding chairs. “I want to catch up.” “Everything seems strange,” said Polly. “One year away, and things change so fast,” commented Cassie. “Mom looks tired.” “She’s carried a heavy burden.” “Thank goodness she’s got Dad.” “Yah. I’d hate for her to go through this alone.” 3
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“Losing Esther has to be tough on her.” “Yah,” Cassie repeated, using the inherited dialect of Mo. The girls sat in a silence that competed with the yellow shade of the morning. Cassie was the first to break it. “What a tangled, romantic, heart-wrenching story!” she blurted out. The girls giggled then became dreamy-eyed remembering the bits and pieces they had been told by Esther over the years. As they recalled the many stories, they painted a long and troubled but courageous history of the people they loved. These tales would remain in their souls until the day that they, too, died.
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CHAPTER 2
Fifty Years Ago… Providence, Florida was like a multi-faceted person. Intriguing personalities were woven together to make one unique body. That’s what kept the town interesting, what made people gravitate toward it. Whatever your mood, you could find something to soothe it in Providence. It was a small but rich place, with everything that anyone who lived there could ever want or need. If reverence was what one was looking for, then there was the small church that townspeople attended on Sunday mornings and Wednesday nights. Those who didn’t attend church regularly would surely be the topic of the after-sermon social hour. Reverend Tapley, the controversial African-American minister, would shame the nonattendees jokingly but with an underlying hint of seriousness. And if he didn’t do it quickly, then one of the condemnatory townswomen would beat him to it. 5
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If a good hot meal were what one craved, then there was BJ’s, a quaint, but enchanting, restaurant on the edge of town. Almost all the residents in Providence had dined in and enjoyed this place at one time or another over the years. If one were feeling handy, then there was a hardware store, where one could buy almost anything that could be otherwise purchased in the “big” city. And if someone just wanted to talk, there was the produce market, the feed store and the general store with a tiny but accommodating post office inside a corner of the building. The small window bearing the initials U.S.P.S. was locked tight at 5:00 p.m. each afternoon, so one had to be early to get all the good gossip. Yet with all the conversation, Providence was a haven for those who loved a simple, quiet, natural world. Today, Esther didn’t long for food or talk. On this warm summer’s day, Esther Jo wanted a private swim, and she knew just the place—her favorite spot…her watering hole. This wonderful hideaway sported overgrown foliage on the banks of the river, and unless someone knew the path, no one would know she was there. The clean, aqua blue water shimmered with sunlight from the sky. The fragrance of abundant flowers, multicolored and beautiful, filled her senses with a sweet aroma of freshness. The birds chirped in and serenaded her with tickling songs. Esther was convinced that Mother Nature had put a fence around this place just for her to enjoy and to love. Providence was Heaven on Earth—a place that Esther knew she would live in and love forever. She swam today as she always did, naked, free, and unencumbered. She loved the feeling of autonomy she had here. She was alone with Nature and her gods, the sun dancing on her face and the cool water kissing her body with every movement she made. She touched her own nipples and they tightened with pleasure. She threw her head back, letting her long blonde hair dip down into the stream, and dropped her 6
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palms down her stomach past the soft patch of hair. She rubbed the insides of her thighs and let out a soft purr. She giggled at herself, then taking a deep breath went underwater and swam to the middle. As the day wore on, Esther Jo recited prayers to the gods and created new Wiccan chants. This young girl of nature was alone, uninhibited, and chattered like a child in a bathtub. *
*
*
Jimmy Elrod had been fishing all day along the riverbanks for red bass and brim, his two favorite kinds for eating. Bass had a wonderful flavor. Brim, although a bony little fish, was delicate in taste. He proudly walked along the grassy banks with his prized catch. On a stringer, he had three reds and five brim. The five small brim barely equaled the size of one of the red bass, but they would be really tasty. A great meal after a fine day of leisure. As Jimmy approached a clearing, he heard the movement of water and the soft giggles of a young woman. Male instinct kicked in, and he walked quietly as not to startle the person. Stepping behind a wide tree trunk to hide, he peered around the bark, trying to get a good look at the swimmer. He drew in a sharp breath and his eyes grew wide with wonder. There, in the clearing, was Esther Jo, that girl everyone in Providence said was a wicked witch. She was swimming in the watering hole, naked. The water glistened around her feminine shape as she moved with poise in the water. He heard her pretty voice singing out the names of gods and goddesses that he vaguely remembered from a high school humanities class. He smiled, listening to her and craned his neck to get a peek below the water line, hoping perhaps that she’d stand up or do a little dive. Anything to give him a better view at that gorgeous shape of hers. As Jimmy looked on, he saw nothing wicked about Esther Jo. Mystical? Yes. Intoxicating? Absolutely! She was awesome! A goddess 7
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herself! So very opposite from the terrible things that people spoke about her as a woman of iniquity. How could this creature of beauty be of the devil, sinful and dire when she looked so sweet, gentle and kind? Jimmy stood frozen in temptation, holding his cane pole and tackle box in one hand and the stringer of fish in the other. His heart began to race wildly. He could feel his body swell with agreement and looked down at the bulge in his shorts. He hoped she didn’t look up and discover him standing there with a hard-on. How stupid he’d feel. In those few chance moments, Jimmy Elrod forgot about his girlfriend, Laney. Captured by this young lady’s seeming innocence, Jimmy only imagined how he’d like to get to know her. His grip tightened on the tackle box. He just couldn’t risk this fine fish getting away. He stepped from behind the tree and cleared his throat to make himself known. If she jumped in surprise and ran away, at least he’d get a straight look at her. That’d be something to talk about. To Jimmy’s astonishment, Esther Jo looked up and smiled. Jimmy almost dropped the stringer and pole. He expected her to at least startle, to turn red, to turn her back, to turn to cursing him for sneaking up on her and gawking. Instead she teased. “Well, if it isn’t Jimmy Elrod himself. What you got there, boy? I thought I was the only fish in the sea!” She spread her arms wide and stirred the water as if daring him to steal a look. “Ah, you’re…” “You know who I am. Don’t act stupid. I’m ‘that witch,’ Esther Jo. And this”—she raised her torso above the water line and twirled in circles, arms splashing—“is my cauldron.” She giggled. Esther emerged fearlessly from the water with a gallant strut, water rushing down her shapely naked body. Jimmy’s jaw dropped as he watched the water drip from the tips of her round firm breasts. It slid down her pale soft-looking skin, making ripples in the water as it hit. He felt insatiably thirsty as if he could catch the droplets in his mouth before they met the pond. How he’d love to lick her skin and taste her 8
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moisture. She stared into his eyes, and he felt like a little boy caught in the wrong. He quickly dropped his head and looked down, gushing with embarrassment, and noticed the lump in his pants. His mind flooded with heat, knowing it was too late. He looked up and Esther was staring at his shorts. She grinned wildly and bit her lower lip. Then she spoke. “I guess the old saying is true.” “Uh, what’s that?” “Glad to see me?” She flashed another radiant smile. Jimmy Elrod made up his mind at that moment. Esther Jo was a magnificent creature. Her golden blonde hair was long and draped around her wet neck and chest. Her breasts were erect from the cool air on wet skin and stood at attention with nipples almost begging for someone to fondle them. She moved toward the tree where Jimmy stood and grabbed a towel that was draped over a low branch. She slowly dried her body, rubbing the towel over her pink nipples, down her slim waist, and to her light curly mound. She dropped the towel, slipped back into her Wiccan gown, letting the thin free-flowing fabric slowly cover her thighs, her hips, her navel. The elastic neckline stretched around the bottom of her full breasts and popped over each taught nipple, resting at last on her shoulders. To Jimmy, this dance was more seductive than if she were stripping her clothing away. She slowly turned toward him. “I guess the answer is ‘yes.’” “Yes?” he asked, a puzzled expression replacing the awe in his face. “Yes. You are glad to see me.” “It’s just that…well…it’s not every day that a guy happens upon a girl…er, a woman who just…” “Bares all?” “Well, yes. If you want to put it that way. There aren’t too many gals in Providence who are as uninhibited as you appear to be.” “You’re pretty uninhibited yourself.” She looked at his erection 9
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again. He pulled the line of fish in front of his crotch. “Not many guys…er, men would reveal themselves like you have.” Embarrassment returned. He stood in the undergrowth, silent, speechless, scared, and very needy. He had never before seen a woman he wanted and desired so much, yet hardly knew. He decided he’d better talk, even if it was small. “I’ve been fishing all day, and I just stumbled upon you, here, this spot. Glad I did, though. You sure aren’t anything like I’ve heard about.” He took a deep breath, filling his lungs with courage, then continued. “If you don’t mind me saying, you are a beautiful and sexy woman. Frankly, you have me excited from just watching you at a distance. Now that you’re close, I might drop all this gear and run.” He took another breath, realizing how stupid he sounded. He’d poured out those words of nothing, yet of everything—words that had endeared him to this someone he desperately desired to have sex with, to make love to, to want for an eternity. He felt a fire in his soul and a passion in his heart beyond what he’d felt with Laney. Esther Jo, in a matter of minutes, had netted his being, and there was absolutely no escape. Esther turned a sweet shade of pink. Odd, Jimmy thought, after the show she just gave. “How sweet of you to say, Jimmy Elrod!” With Esther’s approval, his conversation loosened up. “You hungry? Just so happens I’ve got a mess of fish.” He raised the line out to the side of his body. They both looked at his zipper. His crotch had not loosened. The swell was still there. “I could build us a fire right here and cook the fish in palm leaves. And…we could get to know each other a little better.” “Sounds great, Jimmy.” There was hesitance in her voice. “You sure?” “I’m sure, but are you? I mean you never gave me an ounce of attention when we were in high school. In fact, all I got were weird looks and pointing fingers. And then you walk up today out of the blue 10
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and, bam, here we are.” “Ah, geez, Esther. I never gave you a chance. Everybody else, you know, kinda led the way, and I guess I was pulled in by them.” “Well, it was lousy of you.” “I’m sorry, Esther. Kids are cruel. I just had no idea who you really were.” “You still don’t know.” “I’d like to find out.” He gave her an honest look. “Clean the fish, and I’ll do the cooking. Maybe we can both learn a little about each other.” “Esther?” “Yes?” “Are you always that free…with your body?” “Why do you want to know?” “Why do you think?” He raised his eyebrows and winked at her. “Yes.” A tremor electrified his body. Jimmy Elrod was hooked.
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CHAPTER 3
Jimmy cleaned his catch with his pocketknife while Esther gathered palm leaves. Esther wrapped the filets in the leaves and folded the edges securely. Jimmy built a low fire and topped it with a ladder of broken tree branches. He carefully placed the palm leaves on the woven branches. The fish cooked, taking in the smoke through the leaves. Jimmy scouted for a young palm. He found the perfect one, cut it open and took from it the sweetest meat, the heart. Jimmy walked back to the makeshift grill that he had made to cook the fish. He was delighted with his find and his ability to provide in the most meager of circumstances. He was proud of himself and secretly hoped that Esther was impressed with his ability to be resourceful and to help cook. Dinner was awesome and more than filling. The fish cooked to perfection in the palm leaf shells. The heart of palm was a wonderful compliment to the fish, creating a delicate balance of the two on the pallet. 12
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Jimmy and Esther huddled around the slow burning fire. The day was fading, and dusk was embracing the woods. Where there had been sunlight shimmering on the water, there now was a bright silvery moon, taking its watch for the next few hours over the night. The new friends felt a blanket of calm around them. They felt safe in the woods with each other. Each secretly hoped that they would be friends forever. Esther saw Jimmy studying the patterns on her long gown. She knew that in his eyes she was a demon. If only she could convince him and the townspeople of Providence that the Wiccan ways held a special sense of pure and holy. As they ate, she opened the conversation with the topic by jumping right to the point. “So you think I’m a witch?” “Well…aren’t you?” Jimmy asked. “We like to call ourselves Wiccan.” “What’s the difference?” “We don’t ride around on brooms wearing black pointed hats.” “From what I gather, you don’t wear much of anything!” he teased, remembering the scene earlier that day and suddenly going hard. She smacked his arm, and he almost dropped his dinner. “Hey! No hitting! If you want to get me for that, couldn’t you just cast a spell or something?” He grinned. “I could if I wanted. But you may not be worth my time and energy.” She looked away with theatrical indifference. “Oh, I bet I am.” She whipped her head around, and their eyes met. The two froze. The only sounds were the crackling of the fire and the couple’s heavy breathing. The flirtatious volleying had revealed more than just playful talk. Their desires had met face to face and challenged each other to do something about it. After many heated seconds, Jimmy whispered. “Go ahead, Miss Wiccan. Cast a spell on me.” “I already have.” She bit her lower lip and blinked her eyes. *
* 13
*
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The setting was perfect. Jimmy looked over at Esther. The moonlight bounced off her golden hair. Her eyes were clear and honest. Her lips curled up at the edges and invited a kiss. He accepted the invitation. He leaned toward Esther, put his hand on her chin and pulled her face toward his. She didn’t pull back. He caressed her mouth, first offering short, sweet, pecks—kisses to tease her. Then, he probed her with a serious kiss, his tongue searching hers, touching, wanting, and roving with lust and desire. He could feel his body swelling. He desperately wanted this encounter to build into a moment of oneness. He pulled her closer, his heart pounding, his body writhing and his groin needing. Then he pushed slightly to lean her towards the ground, holding her tightly against his aching body to cushion her as they reached a pillow of soft green leaves. In an instant, they were in each other’s arms, embracing with a raging passion that Jimmy had never known. He slipped her gown from around her shoulders to reveal her supple breasts. Oh, God, why did she have to be a Wicca? Had she cast a spell? Gently, Jimmy dampened her neck with gentle movements of his tongue. He moved lower on her soft body. He stopped for a moment, looked into her eyes as if to ask for permission, and then continued to delight her; moving down to her breasts with his searching mouth, sucking her nipples with tenderness while his huge hands began to search her tender skin seeking her points of pleasure. Esther’s soft sighs and gentle moans told Jimmy all he really needed to know. The two began to move slowly with a gentle rhythmic motion. He moved his hands up and down her thighs delighting her and teasing her. With anticipation building in him, he placed his hand between her legs to feel her moist body. He knew she wanted him as much as her wanted her. 14
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*
*
*
At that moment, Esther pulled away from him, scared and confused. This was wrong! She wanted him to become one with her. She was aching for his huge frame to press against her small feminine body, but knew it was betrayal—betrayal to everyone. His heart was with his true love…Laney. This woman had been his friend and his lover, all his adult life. Jimmy was going to marry her. How could Esther do that to him, to Laney? Frustration mounted as Esther stopped right before landing at the door of lovemaking. How could she just stop? Douse the fire? Walk away from that moment of release and ecstasy? But, they must! The price to pay was much too costly for just needs. “Don’t stop now, not now!” pleaded Jimmy. “My body is raging for your touch. I need you right this very moment. Please, Esther Jo, if you wanted me to beg, then I’m begging. Let me make love to you. This can’t end without climax! Please!” There was silence between them for just a moment. Finally, Esther spoke. “I’m not sure if this is right.” “It might not be right, but it’s real!” Esther laughed. “What is reality, Jimmy?” “It’s you and me, here, now.” “True. But it’s also tomorrow. It’s Esther—the Wiccan—ridiculed and laughed at. And it’s Jimmy, the good guy who should be promised to some good girl. It’s finger-pointing, and gossiping, and wide-eyed stares. It’s something you don’t want to know. Trust me.” Jimmy pleaded again. “Okay, if I can’t have your body, then take me with your hand or mouth, but for God’s sake woman, don’t leave me like this!” All went silent as Esther obeyed. Each stroke of her hand brought Jimmy closer to finality. Within moments, a slow shudder escaped Jimmy’s body and his soul went limp. Esther sank back into his arms 15
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satisfied with his contentment, but more wary of the future than she’d ever been before.
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CHAPTER 4
The afternoon sun filtered through the mesh screen door of the plank-floored shanty, leaving tiny lights of squares on part of one wall. A slow hot breeze followed, causing the wooden frame of the door to rattle against the small shack. Most couples would startle, perhaps instinctively reach for clothing, wondering if a visitor were knocking, concerned with the sight an onlooker might have witnessed. These two, however, ignored the noise. First things first. Needs were needs, and theirs were as important as anyone else’s in Providence. Besides, if anyone were brave enough to walk this far out in the woods to find them, then they deserved what they saw. Things were never meant to get this far. Jimmy and Laney were happy, and he thought he loved her, or he wouldn’t have proposed to her. After all, they had been childhood sweethearts. So why was he here, deep in the woods, lying naked and happy, embracing Esther Jo on the floor of this hideaway? What was it that had drawn him to 17
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Esther? To betray his betrothed? Maybe Esther cast a spell on him that first day at the watering hole. After all, she was Wicca and she had the charms. Her sensuous body, the shape of her hips as she walked out of the pond, the coned breasts with large round areolas. Her blonde hair from top to bottom. It all added up to something very desirable. Jimmy no longer worried about Esther’s Wiccan background. She was a child of nature, at one with the earth, the sun, the wind. Loving the place that man had been given. Believing in its potential, its powers. Esther had stumbled across the old cabin one morning on a commune with the spirits. She excitedly told Jimmy the morning she found it. “When I’m there, the sun and the day dance on my face! The fluttering leaves of the huge oak trees tickle my soul! It’s my little slice of Heaven, Jimmy! Come, let me show you!” Jimmy was elated that Esther wanted to share this place with him. He trailed after her that morning, barely able to keep up as she skipped ahead, her flowing dress and her long daisy-chained hair making her look like a wood fairy. Since that day, he had accompanied her time and again, until it had become more than her Heaven; it was theirs. Today he was lying still on the floor holding her as if they were the only two people in the world. He was drunk with the smell of Esther’s scented rosemary oil and the soft sexy tones in her voice. The excitement of her closeness made his heart beat so fast he thought he might die right there, right beside her, enveloped in ecstasy. Esther gave him something he never had before. She had offered herself freely, without hesitation, without fear, without shame. She was so unlike Laney. She was not a prim and proper princess, concerned with image, tied to a schedule. Sure, Laney had qualities of her own— she was noble and smart and pretty. But Esther was something any man would kill for. She was wild and wicked and wonderful. He knew he must stop comparing the two, so he quickly pushed those racing 18
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thoughts of Laney away. Soon nothing else mattered to Jimmy as he and Esther rocked back and forth on the floor, dripping with sweat not just from the hot Florida afternoon, but more so from their torrid love making. The couple’s soft moans drowned out the sounds of the forest. Neither the birds nor the breeze could compete. Their bodies moved in rhythmic motion and seemed to set the shanty on fire. Their frolic made the floor dance and creak with anticipation of what was to happen. *
*
*
Esther was equally obsessed with Jimmy. She wanted him more than she had ever wanted any man. She didn’t want to think about the consequences, only the moment she’d been waiting for. His strong body rubbing against hers with raging desire was worth all the risk. “Forget about Laney,” she silently wished, and for the moment, if only fleeting, Jimmy was hers and hers alone. She would always cherish these stolen moments. Esther knew this was a forbidden encounter, but she couldn’t deny herself the passion that others had just never given her. True, she might find someone more safe and solid and kind—a man who would never argue, never rough her around, never leave. But she doubted there was another Jimmy anywhere—tall, passionate, and undeniably sexy. Jimmy’s kisses were intoxicating. His body was strong, muscular. And his large, wide hands could caress her with such masterful moves that even in the midsummer heat, it left chills on her bare skin. Tragically, though, he belonged to somebody else, and that reality wasn’t going to change. Esther wore a low profile in Providence. Most people were wary of her Wiccan ways. Too many would be hurt if the couple answered their hearts. As much as they wanted to declare their love to the world, they knew the difficulties would be devastating. So, rather than complicate the situation, they kept it simple and 19
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secret. Their motto had become “Lay back, seize the moment, and enjoy this lustful encounter.” They would deal with the guilt later. *
*
*
Jimmy caressed Esther’s supple breasts, sucking her nipples gently, moving down her torso with his soft kisses, working and reworking his way up and down her silky smooth body. She was lean and beautiful both inside and out. Her sweet nature always seemed to reach out to him. She glanced down at him as he licked her thighs. She smiled, and her legs trembled in response to the sensation. The anticipation in Esther had been building for over half an hour and her heart was pounding furiously. She moaned for Jimmy to take her. Jimmy gently rolled Esther’s body on top of his. For a moment, they both laughed, for next to Jimmy was a perfect silhouette of Esther. Her body’s perspiration stained the old dry floorboards and would forever keep their secret. As she lay on top of him, Esther gently ran her hands across Jimmy’s well-built body. She knew every forbidden inch of it and she reveled in his maleness. His long legs wove around hers, and his hands moved skillfully over her body as she likewise caressed his. He filled her with an indescribable desire. His touch was erotic and drove her deliciously insane. The cabin was no longer some broken-down shanty. It was a palace of passion and desire. It was a private paradise. It was a libido love nest as Jimmy and Esther filled the room with soft moans, gentle rocking motions, and the sweet smell of lovemaking. Neither ever wanted this moment to end. Jimmy wildly rolled on top of Esther, sweetly touching his lips to hers. He slipped his hand under her hips and pressed his body so firmly against her soft, wet skin that the moment took his breath away. His anticipation was overwhelming. He lunged his groin toward hers and at 20
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that moment, they became one—wild with passion, beyond soul mates, forever connected. Ecstasy was over all too quickly, but as they lay in each other’s arms, drenched with sweat, exhausted and content, the man and the woman giggled the way only lovers do. In their silence, they wondered how things ever got this far and if this madness called lust would ever release them from its forbidden hold.
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CHAPTER 5
It had been weeks since Esther had been with Jimmy. Her body ached for him. She missed the way he held her close and breathed in her scent. She loved it when she could feel his body swell as he held her in his arms. Esther knew she needed Jimmy right now, to talk with him, to tell her where her heart stood, but she was confused. She didn’t want to face this burden alone, but was it fair to tell him? Was it right to pull Jimmy into something that would cloud his conscience for eternity? On the other hand, was it right to keep silent? Esther’s mind had been racing for days pondering these questions. This decision was larger than life. Long walks in the forest communing with nature did nothing to ease her troubled soul. Even her Wiccan centering rituals did nothing to help. She decided she needed to see Jimmy, if only for one last time. She arrived at their secret hide-away long before Jimmy. It was an unusually cool Florida evening. The sun was setting, turning the forest 22
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muted shades of gray, and there was just enough breeze to make the leaves on the trees send quiet whispers throughout the forest. Esther shivered wondering what the outcome of the night would bring. Tonight needed to be perfect. Esther lit the candles she had so strategically placed in the small run-down shack. They flickered as if they too were on edge. The shanty was old and falling apart—such a contrast to the relationship Esther and Jimmy had had all along. This cabin was the place she had given herself to the most wonderful man she had ever known. The nagging question returned. How could she face what she was about to do? Esther paced the room, anxiously awaiting Jimmy’s arrival. Finally, the breeze died, and the candles calmed. Their soft glow created long eerie shadows on the floor. Their light reached the middle of the room and danced around a silhouette embedded in the floor—the same one made by Esther’s hot sweat-drenched body each time she and Jimmy had made love. The old moisture-starved plank floor had somehow grasped the dampness from Esther’s body and never let it go. Perhaps in years to come some other young couple would find this place and consummate their love in the very same spot. Esther bit her bottom lip in both embarrassment and in remembrance of what they had done in this cabin. Those splendid memories would never be erased. Jimmy arrived after the last lattice of light disappeared. He rapped on the screen door, then slipped inside. He ran his fingers through his hair and cleared his throat. Esther’s heart picked up speed at the sight of his familiar habit. He was clearly as nervous as she. Jimmy and Esther slowly approached each other then embraced with familiar passion and desire. Their lips met for what seemed like a lovers’ first kiss—eager, exploring, excited. The long complicated kiss told each other a story of want. First, a hard, starved plunge of their tongues—rolling, searching, directing. Second, a softer, more delicate sweep followed by short, playful pecks. Finally, a firm still pressure— 23
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lips joined, heavy breathing signaling both’s lustful frustration. Sadly, Esther knew this kiss would be their last. She pulled back, almost ready to spill it all, tempted to share her secret with Jimmy, but she knew it wasn’t meant to be. Jimmy and Laney were engaged, and then there was her faith in Wicca that everyone called the town’s curse. Oh, what had they done in a fit of craze, not once, but every time they could steal away to be with each other? After their passionate embrace, Jimmy spoke first. “What’s wrong tonight? What was so important that you needed see me here, tonight? I had to take off work. Your call sounded frantic.” “I’m sorry.” She looked down almost ashamed. “I didn’t mean to alarm you.” “I thought you were hurt or something. Did somebody hurt you? Because, if somebody did…” “No, no, Jimmy.” She smoothed his hair back with her hands. His usually solid eyes were scared. He had never brought up a subject like this before. She looked away, cursing her heart, damning the senselessness, and wishing it were easier than this. Esther fumbled with her words trying to sound convincing. “I just needed to tell you…well…that I’m leaving Providence, and I’m not sure how long I’ll be gone, or if I’m coming back.” Jimmy’s brow furrowed, and he blinked repeatedly to battle the moisture that was forming around the rims of his eyes. He shook his head in disbelief. Esther continued, trying to justify her decision, attempting to ease the blow. “Listen to me, Jimmy. I just need to sort out this mess we’ve made. I need to be in touch with my feelings for you. I’m sure you have to do the same—for Laney,” she explained. A lump swelled in Jimmy’s throat. Why did she have to say Laney’s name as if it were sacred? He never attached any emotion to Laney. Sure, he knew he had the best of both worlds. But he never 24
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reminded Esther of that. Laney was a quiet woman he could dominate, take to church on Sunday, and not worry that she would stray or embarrass him. Esther, on the other hand, was a firey, passionate lover. With her, he could reveal his wildest fantasies and unleash his powerful sexual desires. No one knew they were lovers, and no one ever would. That’s why this was so perfect. And now, suddenly, it was all about to end. This just couldn’t be happening, not now, not ever. Faced with losing this woman, Jimmy pulled her body close to his. Words were getting them nowhere. Actions would speak louder. He fumbled with her blouse and let it fall quickly to the floor. He unfastened her bra to reveal her swollen, supple breasts. He stroked them gently with his hand then with his mouth, tickling her erect nipples with his tongue. She moaned and he looked up, meeting her eyes, suddenly feeling a yearning he had never known. He kissed her again, and they tumbled to the floor undressing with eagerness and anticipation. Before they knew it, this mandatory meeting had turned from business to pleasure, and the uncomfortable pressure of the past few minutes was lost to the passion of the present. Their bodies danced in unison with the candle flames, taking on a unique and beautiful art. They were moving rhythmically with an eagerness that only they had for each other. As they writhed on the floor, the heat from their bodies began to rise, and fog enveloped the cabin—Mother Nature’s way of preparing a misty blanket for them to cool their hot, moisture-drenched skin. Beads of sweat rolled freely from their bodies as they rubbed against each other igniting sparks of obsession. Esther was on fire. The more Jimmy tasted her body with his smooth warm tongue, tickling her with delight, the more she burned inside. No other man had ever made her feel so desirable, so wanted, so loved. Her body was aching for him to take her, to rock his body back and forth into hers with the power of his strong loins. Her mind and body were screaming with anticipation at savoring him once more for 25
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old time’s sake. *
*
*
Each swirl of Jimmy’s tongue over hidden parts of Esther was his way of begging her not to leave Providence. With skill and persistence he worked on Esther’s sensual side, hoping to cloud her stubbornness, praying to God that she would change her mind and stay. Between tender kisses, Esther swore she would miss Jimmy, and if she never came back to Providence, she promised never to forget him. He moved carefully over each part of her beautiful soft skin, starting at her mouth and sliding down to her thighs, slowly moving up her shapely body, stopping where she liked. That drove Esther wild, wanting him only more. After she climaxed, he positioned himself beside her on the damp floor. Her hair was wet and her face was red. He listened to her catch her breath while he became lost in thoughts that, with luck, might turn into persuasion. At every turn of his mind, Jimmy tested reason. Esther loved nature. Providence was wide-open with it. Why would she want to live anywhere else? They had too much history here, in this place, on this floor. They could go on this way, couldn’t they? What harm was there if no one knew? Jimmy sighed deeply and exhaled the pain of his hurting heart. He rolled toward Esther and voiced his feelings. “Don’t go,” he begged. “Let’s stay here, in this cabin, forever.” “You’re silly. They’d come looking.” “Let them. I’ll fix this place up, and we’ll never leave. We’ll live off the earth—eat daisies and shit.” Esther laughed. Jimmy followed. It felt good to laugh. It eased the pain. Jimmy ran with the joke. “Okay, then, you can chant a few spells and, voila! We’ll have roasted pig and wine.” “Get serious, Jimmy. I can’t stay. It just won’t work.” “It can, Esther. I promise, it can. Please reconsider. Please!” He 26
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sounded like a schoolboy. “I know this is painful for you, Jimmy. It has to be. It’s painful for me, too, but the time has come for me to go. You knew this couldn’t last forever.” “Why not? Why? Give me one good reason!” “It is much easier for me to leave, to go to the Everglades for a bit, and spend time with my Aunt Anna. If we don’t see each other for a while, we’ll forget all this. It’s the right thing to do, Jimmy. I know it’s the right thing.” “How can tearing away the one thing I love more than life itself be right?” “Because you don’t love all of me, Jimmy. Not all of me.” A heavy silence washed through the cabin. Neither of them spoke for what seemed like eternity. Truth hit the walls and ricocheted back into their faces. As they absorbed the shock, Esther continued. “See. You can’t deny it. The one part of me that makes me who I am wrestles with the one part of you that can’t truly commit.” Jimmy was no longer thinking logically. He denied her accusation, knowing full well she was right. “I can get over that part,” he insisted. “Maybe. But others can’t—won’t.” Their eyes met head on. They had arrived at the stalemate of their relationship. *
*
*
Jimmy had never really believed in Wicca, nor did he respect it. Sure, he was infatuated with Esther and the sense of freedom her religion seemed to legitimize. But he wasn’t willing to come forward with his affair with her. The town of Providence would stone him mentally for courting, much less associating with a Wicca. Esther had warned him of the potential trouble. Jimmy Elrod had no idea how painful the consequences could be. She had decided she couldn’t let 27
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that happen to this wonderful man. She wouldn’t let it happen. No matter how difficult it would be. “Let’s don’t talk any more,” Esther insisted. “Just love me one last time.” It didn’t take much to tempt Jimmy. No doubt, they would both miss these encounters. Esther was adamant that they were going to enjoy tonight and make it the best night they had ever had together. The two pushed the unhappy thoughts aside and concentrated on loving each other. The session was one of their wildest—surprisingly rough and tender at the same time and completely, undeniably connected. When the end was near, Jimmy mounted Esther, placing his elbows on the floor and raising himself up over her body. He looked into Esther’s eyes of blue and saw for the first time a hardened film of reality to which she had resigned herself. He spoke out of desperation and with threat. “I’m not going to finish this unless you say this is a big joke. Damn it, woman, please, tell me! Have I done something so wrong to make you leave? I can change!” Esther gazed into his pleading eyes, and without a word she pushed his elbows off the floor so that he landed hard against her body. She moved her hands between his legs and positioned him for entry. Succumbing to her, Jimmy took Esther with untamed, passionate abandon. He collapsed in finality, feeling hopeless, fearing an unexplainable loneliness. He knew it was over. Too soon, the night waned without words. Instead, with candles burned, lovers spent, and time running out, it ended with weeping. As Jimmy and Esther held each other, their tears dropped onto the floorboards and were soaked up alongside the other moisture. An age of innocence, of chances, of realism, of pleasure, and of pain was housed in the stained grains of wood. The thirsty planks quickly absorbed the tears, vowing to seal the couple’s story of fate for all time. The night quietly slipped into dawn. It was time for them to say 28
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good-bye. They walked out of the forest together, holding hands in silence, never looking back. As they came to the clearing in the woods, their eyes met in the early morning mist. Finally, tragically, they let go of each other’s hands, and walked away. The silence was so loud it was deafening.
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CHAPTER 6
Almost one year had passed since Esther had seen Jimmy. She missed his still-familiar touch more than she ever would have believed and more than she wanted to admit. But he was with her every day—at least part of him was always with her. They had experienced a love so rich with passion that nothing could erase that memory. The months had crawled by as if on purpose. Esther longed to look into Jimmy’s eyes, to see his smile, to feel his touch. She had hesitated long enough and finally mustered up the courage to call him. Nonetheless, she had mixed feelings when he agreed to reunite with her in their secret place. Should she continue the façade? Or was it time to come clean and tell Jimmy the truth? As she walked deep into the forest, she listened to the songs of the cicadas hoping for some clue, some direction from them. Thinking back, she knew she had made the right decision to leave Providence. Aunt Anna had been a savior. She might never have gotten through the past months without her. In protest, Anna had agreed to 30
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drive Esther back to Providence so that she could reestablish her life in the town. Anna had begged her to stay down south with her, but Esther, proud and stubborn, refused. She hoped that her return would not disrupt the world’s agenda. She had her doubts. In the same pattern as the old days, Esther arrived at the shanty in the woods before Jimmy. The old weathered lean-to looked the same. The morning air was clean and clear, and it begged for straight talk and truth. As she stepped inside, the floor creaked a welcome. Her eyes glistened with tears remembering the ecstasy she found here with Jimmy. Esther was tense but confident that this was right and good and that it should be this way. She had prayed about this moment for months. She wanted this meeting to be as perfect as the last time she saw him, but she knew things were so very different now. Esther paced the floor of the old broken-down shanty in a fashion similar to that of the night she had told Jimmy goodbye. In the middle of the room a dark spot marked their first lovemaking—a perfect silhouette of Esther’s feminine shape. She remembered that night well. Jimmy had stoked a fire in her that to this day would not die. She knew she loved this man. But now he was married to Laney. Hopefully, it was a good thing for everyone involved. Twilight slowly crept into the room. Esther found some matches in a shabby table drawer and lit the same candles that had remained waxtacked to the dirty chipped stoneware all this time. The glow brought back a special feeling—as if it were yesterday and she were waiting for Jimmy to arrive to begin another round of lovemaking. Beyond the dusty perfume of tallow, Esther could still smell a hint of sweet sex. Walking from one end of the room to the other, she bent and peered out each window in search of Jimmy. Finally, a strong yellow beam broke through the tree line. A man marched over tall weeds that had grown over the beaten path, brushing branches aside with a large flashlight, trying to clear the way. Esther sucked in deep and held her 31
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breath, trying to steady her waffling heart. If this were Jimmy, his frame had grown even larger; his shoulders had spread wide, and his arms were more muscular and strong than ever. She almost lost her balance as she whirled around, her back toward the door. She squinted her eyes shut and bit her lip, suddenly panicked, struggling to create a first sentence. “Be strong, or you’ll look like the fool!” she whispered to herself. Heavy footsteps climbed the planked stairs of the porch, each clunk a knock at the door of her heart. A few short shuffles on the sandy floor, then silence. She knew Jimmy was behind her. Esther felt lightheaded and feared she would faint but for the rapid beat of her heart keeping her conscious. She dared not move lest her hopes fade like an apparition. This was the moment. This was the moment she dreaded. This was the moment she had waited for. This was the moment of truth. *
*
*
Jimmy stood frozen, capturing her beauty. He reached out to her and put his hand on her shoulder, thick fingers spread over hers, thumb naturally, instinctively, daringly circling her neck. She was a lovely woman. Her beautiful shape, full of soft curves, instantly drove him wild. Married to Laney or not, he felt himself stiffen and smiled, suddenly glad he had agreed to come. Oh, goddess of chance! He was here—with her—again. “I didn’t think you’d come,” she bravely began the conversation, her back still toward him. “How could I not?” he answered. “I thought you’d think me fickle.” “You have been difficult to understand, Esther, but never fickle. I always knew where your heart stood, even if you refused to admit it.” “My heart stood here one too many times,” she said. “Why do you say these things?” Jimmy asked, a hurt tone in his 32
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voice. Esther slowly pivoted to face Jimmy. He turned an instant shade of white and withdrew his hand from her shoulder as if he had been touching an evil idol. His eyes widened with disbelief. He stepped back as if he were trying not to catch a contagious disease. Jimmy eyes traveled from Esther down to a tiny, blanketed baby which she held in her arms, and back to her eyes again. There, standing proudly in front of him, was a woman he had loved with such passion, such tenderness, such completeness. Once a carefree lover, now she stood stoically in front of him, holding a responsibility, a consequence, a child that clearly was her own. He could tell by the maternal glaze in her eyes—the look of unconditional love, the look of motherhood—that she had lost her sense of play. Everything bordered on seriousness. Questions zigzagged through Jimmy’s brain. He was desperately trying to find some logic in this twist of events. Had she fallen in love with another man since she’d left Providence? Was this child the result of some trivial, careless lovemaking? Or was this baby a permanent reminder of what Jimmy and Esther had had at one time? What was happening? Jimmy needed an explanation but didn’t know what he was supposed to say. Esther was standing, waiting for a response, looking to Jimmy as if he were the one with the answer to this bundle’s existence. He did what instinct told him. “What’s his name?” he questioned. “Her. It’s Tammy. Tammy Jean.” “Sorry. Why Tammy?” he asked. “She was born on the Tamiami Trail,” Esther explained. “Anna and I tried to make it to a hospital, but it was too far away. My water broke, and before I knew it, she was here, crying, screaming, breathing…” She looked down at the infant lovingly and added, “…and nursing. It was like she couldn’t wait for a bottle, like she was so impatient with 33
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everything.” “Wow,” he said, knowing this simple expletive was inadequate. “Here, hold her,” Esther insisted and handed the bundle to Jimmy who took her like a hot potato. “Don’t be afraid,” Esther encouraged. “Envelope her with your love. After all, she’s yours.” Esther wasted no time in placing the beautiful child, wrapped in swaddling clothes, in Jimmy’s arms, validating that about which he wondered from the moment she’d left. Jimmy’s mind raced with questions that obviously had silent answers. He’d had a slew of hunches about why Esther had left Providence. Now, as he looked down into his arms, he knew at that instant that this amazingly small breath of life was part of him. He looked deep into the child’s odd green eyes and wondered if they’d stay that color. Tears formed and tumbled over his bottom lids. They were soaked up by the receiving blanket that covered the child’s chest. This baby was part of his body and was symbolic of his eternal love for Esther. Jimmy blinked to clear his vision. He didn’t know whether to be horrified or ecstatic. Holding his own flesh and blood was frightening, especially since it was so unexpected. Esther giggled. “She’s not fine china. Relax or she’ll know you’re nervous and become scared herself.” “She’s so small,” he remarked in awe. He touched her tiny fingers with his own large ones. Her palm was no bigger than a postage stamp. “Don’t let her fool you. She’s got a powerful cry. Three a.m. comes way too early for me, but she won’t let me sleep in. Has to have milk.” Jimmy looked at Esther’s swollen breasts and went warm. Esther blushed and directed her gaze to the baby. Jimmy followed, tilting his head down toward the child’s face. Taking a bold breath, he exhaled, releasing his first words to his daughter. “Hi, Tammy,” he whispered. “I’m your daddy.” The baby returned the only thing she could at this stage: a smile. 34
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CHAPTER 7
“How old is she?” Jimmy asked. “Three months.” “She’s got your nose.” “She’s got your feet.” “What!” “They’re huge!” Esther pulled the blanket from the baby’s legs. “So she does!” Jimmy grinned proudly. He slowly lost his smile as reality surfaced all too quickly. “So what now?” “I don’t know. I raise my baby girl—alone.” “Esther—” “Don’t, Jimmy. Don’t even begin to rationalize what we can do together for this child. This is something that I have to do by myself. You know it; I know it. There’s no other way it can work.” “But—” “No other way, Jimmy.” She took the infant from his arms and placed her stomach down on 35
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a pile of blankets on the floor in the same spot where her mother’s silhouette was, faded but still there after the many months. In minutes she was sleeping soundly. Jimmy watched in admiration as Esther covered the baby. He thought to himself how natural she looked caring for his child. He felt an aching in his chest—partly for this woman who would never know the solidity of a relationship with the father of her child and partly for the child herself who would never know her father. He hoped Esther would tell Tammy stories about how much he loved them both. “I thought you should know,” she said, turning toward him. “I’m glad I do. I can’t imagine it any other way.” “At first, I wasn’t going to go through with the pregnancy,” Esther revealed. “But when I felt the first flutter and knew it was part of you, I had no choice.” Jimmy stepped forward, not knowing how to answer, just wanting to hold her. “Oh, Esther, what have I done to you?” “You have given me a gift that I shall never regret,” she replied, holding her head high. “I’m not sure how, but I feel certain that you won’t regret it either.” With those words, he couldn’t hold back any longer. He wrapped his arms around her soft shoulders, plumper than they had ever been, no doubt from the pregnancy. He pulled his body firmly against hers and, with one hand, lifted her chin toward his face. “Forgive me, but I must.” The kiss was tender and true. It was a kiss of deep love and respect—a kiss of gratitude for her braving her situation alone. He grew hard with want, his hips pressed against hers. She pulled back for a moment. “Jimmy, we shouldn’t.” Their lips gravitated like magnets, and in seconds they were absorbed in another kiss. This time it was Jimmy who broke the seal. “Esther, it’s been too long. God, how I’ve missed your loving.” Deeper and deeper their tongues probed until Jimmy’s mouth left 36
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hers and traveled down her neck, toward her chest. Esther’s skin bristled. She backed away. “Jimmy, we really—” “Shouldn’t?” he finished her sentence. “That’s right. This is—” “Wrong?” he asked. “Yes.” “Nonsense!” he exclaimed. “I’m the father of your child who is laying on the floor in the very shack where she was conceived! Don’t tell me this is wrong!” “But you’re married, now.” “I may be married in law, but you will always have a special place in my heart.” “Then let it stay special, the way you remember it. Don’t do this to Laney, Jimmy. She deserves better.” He looked down at the floor. Was it so long ago that he lay on these bare planks naked with the most desirable woman he had ever known? Had so much changed in just one year that those days were mere memories? Could he go home to Laney, knowing that he had a child who would never know her father? Did he want to go home? Finally, he spoke. “You are the most giving person on earth. You gave to me beyond my imagination. You gave your body, your mind, your soul. Now, you have a child, and you are willing to give up the love we have to protect her.” “Some things just have to be,” Esther said. “I have a new love in my life,” she announced. They both looked toward the sleeping baby. Sense stumbled into Jimmy and he let it be. “Esther?” “Yes?” “Would you mind if we slept here tonight? Just you and me…and Tammy? I just want one night as a family. Just one night.” Esther smiled. “I think the gods would approve.” They carefully sank to the floor, careful not to creak the wood with 37
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their weight and risk waking the baby. Huddled closely together, Esther on one side of Tammy, Jimmy on the other, they lay as one—mother, father, and daughter. The parents drifted off to sleep, hands clasped over their creation, smiles on their faces.
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CHAPTER 8
Esther stopped at the edge of town and slowly entered BJ’s, the simple restaurant that had been Providence residents’ first choice for good meals ever since she could remember. Bobby John Arnold’s father owned it and had coined the name after his first son was born. Bobby’s dad was intent on passing it to his son, thereby keeping it in the family. BJ’s was a quaint, not-much-to-look-at old place, but inviting with its smell of hot, home-cooked food. Esther had gotten used to hanging out at the diner. When she first met Jimmy, they used to meet in the afternoons for soda pops. They’d sit in the back corner table where no one could see them unless they were looking for them. The warped wood creaked as Esther moved from board to board up the steps of the paint-peeling veranda and then inside the shabby establishment. The dreary lemon yellow walls were stamped with finger marks and handprints from the children who, over the years, had visited. The tables were covered with awful plastic red and white, 39
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checkered tablecloths, stained from years of use. The faded plastic flowers were heavy with dust and screamed to be replaced. Esther took a chair at the nearest table, and it croaked as if it were tired from use and ready for repair or replacement. As Esther eyed this familiar place, a sense of calm came over her. She looked at this restaurant with candor, curiosity, and contentment. She thought, for just a moment, how if she owned this place, it would be grand! Each table would be covered with a clean, white linen tablecloth and fresh cut flowers from her garden of Nature. The walls would be painted with a soft glow of almond and bordered with an olive wooded scene that depicted her love of the gods and their wonder. The waitress came and took her order. Coffee was all she really wanted. She just needed to sit, relax and think about the days to come and the players involved: her child, her boyfriend, her lover, and his wife. Each stirred different emotions in her. Each demanded a different solution. Each, unfortunately, had its own set of problems. As the waitress brought her coffee, Esther Jo scanned the room. There, in the corner, the same corner she and Jimmy had often shared, sat Laney: Jimmy’s sweet wife; Esther’s lovemaking counterpart. Esther thought about how different she and Laney were. Laney was quiet, calm, meek, and Godly—innocent with an indescribable sweetness. Esther, on the other hand, was the exact opposite: free, uninhibited, daring, exciting, risk-taking, and, curses! In love with the same man as Laney! Maybe that was what had attracted Jimmy to both of them in the first place. What man wouldn’t want to be loved by two women each with admirable qualities? Maybe this wasn’t mere happenstance. Maybe Esther Jo and Laney were meant to meet in this very spot, on this very day, in this very place, at this very time. Perhaps the gods were trying both of their wills. With that thought in mind, Esther boldly picked up her coffee mug 40
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and walked toward Laney’s table. She would get to Laney first, before those tricky gods played roulette with her day. Her heart in her throat, she approached the timid young bride. “Mind if I join you?” she asked. Laney appeared startled, but did not refuse. Esther sat down and swallowed her heart. “I heard you and Jimmy Elrod got married.” “That we did.” The young bride looked down at her lap and blushed. “Congratulations! I’ve known that man for years, and he is a diamond in the rough. A gentle man who will, I know, make you very happy.” Laney beamed a smile and glowed the way that only a woman in love could. “He sure is wonderful!” said Laney. “I have married the sweetest, kindest man that God ever put on this earth. Some days I just have to pinch myself to believe that I am his wife and that he loves me as much as I love him. God has truly graced and blessed me with a special man, and I will honor and obey him forever.” Laney glanced down at the floor and stopped rattling. She blushed again from embarrassment, suddenly wondering what this Wiccan woman thought of her. How naive she sounded. How truly holy. What did a witch care about being blessed by God? Laney raised her eyes to catch Esther’s mood. Something put her at ease with this other woman. She suddenly felt comfortable opening up to her. She broke into conversation again, hoping that by sharing her secret with Esther Jo she might feel a tad better. After all, her secret was so personal, so awful, so gut wrenching, she needed to vent. “Esther Jo, I’ve been sitting here for hours, thinking, pondering, hoping I could come up with a solution to the biggest problem I have ever in my world had to deal with. I love Jimmy Elrod more than life itself!” 41
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Laney blushed for a third time and took a long, deep sip of her coffee, trying to slow herself down. Esther read the perplexity in the woman’s face, the trouble in her eyes, and filled in the silence with words that twisted her own heart. “It sounds like you are the luckiest woman on earth, then. No doubt, he loves you back.” “Yes. Yes, you’re right. He loves me. But…” Esther looked at Laney with a quizzed look on her face. “But what, Laney?” Esther prodded, hoping with all her might that Laney didn’t know about the past. “I don’t know why I’m telling you this. Maybe you can read my future or something—with those witch powers—” Laney drew her hand to her mouth and muttered, “I’m sorry, I just meant—” “Don’t worry about it. I’m used to it. Let’s just talk.” Tears welled in Laney’s eyes. Her furrowed brow suggested something was very wrong. “I have just learned some terrible and disturbing news, and frankly, I am confused, scared, and hurt.” Esther’s body tingled from the adrenaline rush. What if she knew about her and Jimmy? Had Jimmy admitted their affair to his wife? Had he slipped and revealed what he—what they—had done? She wanted to escape from the table, rush out the restaurant door, and never come back. Instead, she lifted her chin high and clenched her teeth, waiting for Laney to continue. “Well, what could be so awful?” she asked impatiently. “Oh, Esther,” she wailed, the tears brimming over her bottom lids. “I cannot give Jimmy the most precious gift a wife can give her husband! A child. An offspring. A part of his love for me.” She dropped her head and the tears tumbled to the table. Her shoulders shook as she sobbed. Esther reached for her and patted her shoulder. Through her cries, she told Esther, “I am devastated, ashamed, and 42
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embarrassed! But most of all, Jimmy will be so disappointed that I cannot share in the joy of a child with him—the man that I have given my love and my life to.” Esther sat speechless, dumbfounded. What did she just hear? That Laney, Jimmy Elrod’s wife, could not bear children? That the couple would be childless? Esther’s heart picked up speed. She had prayed to Hestia, the goddess of hearth and home, to send her an answer to her own hardship. Raising a child alone, without a father had been something she was convinced would be detrimental to the child’s development. It would be a long, difficult, and lonely journey. Was this the opportunity that Esther needed to place Tammy into Jimmy’s life? To know and be raised by her father? To be cared for by a sweet and gentle surrogate mother she could call “Mama?” To be protected at a distance by a Wiccan over-looker? To be loved and allowed to follow her heart as a child of God from a union of love? To exist without harsh ridicule as the bastard child of a witch? Yes! Esther’s mind raced wildly! She loved her baby girl and wanted her to have a family: a mother and a father and a Wiccan guide! This was the best of both worlds! Esther tried to act calm as she talked with Laney. She was breathless and hopeful all at once. Her palms were sweating, and her heart felt four times the size of her chest. Finally, she responded. “Did I just hear you say that you couldn’t have children?” Laney’s eyes darted away. Her head leaned forward, and with discontent, she answered. “Yes, I am afraid that it’s true. I am what they call sterile. What a cold, cruel word.” “But, Laney, how? You’re young and healthy!” “It’s a very long story, but to sum it up, I am a bi-product of a wonder drug of the past. It gave me life, but then, in turn, it took from me the ability to create another.” 43
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Esther’s mouth dropped open. “Laney, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” Now Esther became the one who was scared and confused. Questions attacked her senses. Should she tell Laney? Should she let Laney know that she had returned to Providence with a secret? She felt an urgency to speak and blurted the words before she could think. “Laney, I have a confession to make. I have been away from Providence for many months. I left because…well, because…I was pregnant. I guess I was ashamed.” “What luck you had! To be ashamed for carrying a child in your womb just doesn’t seem right.” “Don’t get me wrong. It’s not just that. I love this child.” Esther looked away, dreamy eyed, adding cautiously, “And I love her father.” She snapped back to reality and wrapped her fingers around the coffee mug. “But to reveal his identity would be selfish of me. I couldn’t let anyone know. I still can’t, Laney. So in a way, I’m trapped. She’s trapped. I’ll never have a husband. She’ll never have a father.” “I guess it’s my turn to say I’m sorry,” Laney said. “She needs a home, a family, somewhere for her to grow as a carefree child with parents who love her and can provide stability for her.” “If I had a child, that’s what I’d give her.” “I know you would, Laney. So you’ll understand when I ask you this question, won’t you? You won’t think I’m careless, Laney, will you?” “I don’t know much about you, Esther—I know you’re a witch. So they say.” “Wiccan. I’m Wiccan.” She took a deep breath and prefaced her plea with a compliment. “You, on the other hand, are a Godly woman, Laney! And while we worship in different ways, we are both good people. Consider what I’m about to say simply one good woman asking 44
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another good woman for a favor.” Esther took a deep breath then threw her question on the table. “Do you think you could take it upon your heart to take my child, raise her as your own, and love her as much as I do?” *
*
*
Laney’s heart jolted! Had she heard Esther correctly? Was she just given the opportunity to be a mother? Did Esther realize that this was the most important thing in the world to her, next to loving Jimmy? Laney sat motionless pondering the proposition. She gasped for air, but there was none. The room was close and warm with too many odors from the kitchen. After what seemed like eternity, Laney said, “Let me get this straight. You want me to keep your child, raise her as if she were my own, love her as real parents would, and pretend not to know about this?” “Yes,” said Esther. “I want you to think about adopting her, a child of love, a child of a wonderful union with the greatest man I have ever known. I want you to ask yourself if you can love, nurture, guide and be an inspiration to this child. I want you to ask yourself if you can be her mother. Her mentor. Her life guide. The best friend this child ever had. I want to know if you can be all these things. That is what I want to know and have to know. That is what this child needs. And while I would give anything to be part of her life, I can accept watching from a distance if it means she’ll have stability, security, and love.” Laney’s eyes were wide with disbelief, and her heart was dancing with joy. Esther was no longer that sinful witch of the Wiccan faith that Laney used to fear as a teenager. She was an angel from God, Laney’s salvation, her opportunity to be a complete woman, a mother, and a wife. “Can you love her as if you birthed her?” The two women sat in total shocking silence. Esther reached across 45
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the table and grasped Laney’s small feminine hand, and as they looked up, their eyes touched. “Yes.” In that instant, their fates were forever sealed…a family, a secret, a threesome.
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CHAPTER 9
When Jimmy arrived home, Laney was sitting on the sofa sobbing. Her eyes were red from violent tears that gushed from her like a flowing river. “What is it, Laney? What’s wrong, honey? Why is my girl so upset?” She looked up at her husband. She took a deep breath and spoke softly. “I had some bad news today, and my heart is so sad.” “Okay, well, tell me.” He sank down on the couch beside her. The suspense was killing Jimmy. He reached out to his wife to touch her face, but she pulled away from him. “Jimmy, you know I had a doctor’s appointment last week.” “Yeah, I know. You’re not sick are you, honey? Please tell me!” “No, I’m not sick, but…” He tensed his muscles. He dropped his elbows to his knees, dropped his head forward and ran his long fingers through his thick black hair— 47
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a habit Jimmy had when he was anxious. The moment had become full of edginess. “Will you tell me what this is about before I go nuts?” “Well, I really wanted to give you everything in life that could make you happy.” “You’re doing that, Laney. You’re my wife. We can tell each other anything.” “Jimmy, I can’t bring myself to put into words what I need you to know.” “Laney, just spit it out! Nothing can be that bad to upset you like this.” The violent sobbing returned. The emptiness she felt could never be conveyed with mere words. She dropped her face into her hands, her body shaking with grief. The words choked her as she told the truth she had just learned to her new husband. “Jimmy, the doctor called me today. He was following up on my visit to him last week. He…he…well, he told me that… He told me that I can’t have children. I feel like my life is over! I’m empty inside like I’ve been stripped of my womanhood. I don’t feel whole. I can’t give you that one precious gift that a woman can give a man.” Jimmy and Laney sat side by side on the sofa in silence for a few minutes. Those few minutes felt like a lifetime, a damned eternity. The silence was so deafening that it made Jimmy shudder as if someone had just walked over his grave. Laney had just shocked the hell out of Jimmy, and he didn’t know how to answer. The pain and wild look in her eyes was frightening to him. This woman, so delicate and frail, looked despondent, scared and childlike. The love they shared would have to be strong to survive this. Laney broke the silence with more sobs of grief. The heavy tears ran down her pale white skin and dripped onto her blouse. Her weeping was uncontrollable. Her hurt was obvious, so painful for both of them. 48
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Jimmy certainly hadn’t expected to be told that he would never be a father. He was a newlywed! Things were supposed to be sexy, exciting, promising. The future was supposed to be optimistically theirs. Tonight, though, Jimmy’s fortune had gone bust. There would be no children, no Elrod to carry on his name. Jimmy shifted on the couch and took a long, deep look at his young bride. Her eyes were swollen, and her forehead was creased from the frantic look that was frozen on her face. Her hair was straggly and damp from the tears and fell limply on her sunken chest and slouched shoulders. For now, he needed to worry about Laney. Her physical and mental health, right this very minute, was a major concern to him. They sat white-faced on their white couch, emotionally drained, Laney staring forward at the white walls of their small white mobile home, Jimmy eyeing his wife. The day was anything but white. It was black. And sad. Very sad like the black of death. After many solemn minutes, Jimmy finally moved. He tried for a second time to reach out for her. He placed his hand on Laney’s shoulder. She didn’t flinch, didn’t withdraw. Then he spoke. The words were obligatory at best. “It doesn’t matter, Laney. We have us. I didn’t marry you for children. I married you for…well, because I love you. With or without offspring, I will always love you.” Laney didn’t respond to her husband’s soliloquy. She was turning the earlier events of the day around and around—to those visions of the doctor’s solemn face as he told her the awful news, to those words of Esther and thoughts of her proposition. She tumbled the strange but intriguing possibilities until they flashed like silver hope. Finally, she spoke, her voice drained from crying, but more sure than Jimmy had ever heard. “One door never shuts, that the Lord doesn’t open another one. I have a solution.” Jimmy eyed her cautiously. Laney looked strange, stressed, yet 49
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determined. He wondered if she needed a sedative from the doctor. The news had to be harder on her than on him. He offered what he knew. “Laney, we don’t have to solve this right here, right now. It’s not critical at this point in our marriage.” She adamantly shook her head. “Maybe you think it doesn’t matter today. But you will see; it will matter later to you. It will, Jimmy.” Her eyes teared and threatened to spill over her lashes again. She raised a hand to wipe them. Jimmy grabbed her hand with his and twirled the simple gold ring he’d placed on her finger during their wedding ceremony. “You are my wife. Would I like to make babies with you, to look into their eyes and always see yours? Yes! But….” He kissed her fingers before continuing. “Can I do better? Yes.” “How?” she whimpered. “There is nothing more noble than procreation!” “Yes there is. It’s simple, Laney. I just look into the eyes of my wife and see the woman who loves me. You’re here, now. And you’re mine. My love. That’s all I need.” “Oh, Jimmy! You are kind and good, and I can never, ever understand your selflessness!” Jimmy dropped his eyes shamefully. Selflessness was something he felt he needed to work on. He had not displayed that quality when he had been so infatuated with Esther less than a year ago and had not been content until he had her. Since then his heart had questioned his soul. Ultimately, both heart and soul had relentlessly interrogated his mind. Though he’d tried, he’d never really worked out a sure settlement. All he knew was that he’d made the easiest decision. Marrying Laney had been the simple way out—the way with the most integrity. Now it seemed like that decision would prove to be harder than he thought in the long run. Laney had been a true, faithful love; he would be trustworthy to her, no doubt. But then…he would never forget 50
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Esther. Never. He debated Laney’s compliments with vigor. “Don’t, Laney. Don’t say these things. I am just being logical. A baby will not make this marriage or break this marriage. If you cannot conceive, I love you no less. End of discussion.” Laney sucked in a deep breath before she began her story. She said a small prayer and crossed her toes. Her eyes widened with innocence as she related her day. “What if I told you that I could give you the best of both worlds?” She looked deep into his eyes, trying to read his mood, praying for a fruitful discussion. He laughed with a short smirk, suddenly thinking wickedly about having two women at once—Laney…and Esther. That fantasy was farfetched and wrong, given his current vows. He quickly erased his smile and tried to gain composure. She sensed his playful hesitation and added an “I’m serious!” for emphasis. “Right.” “Jimmy, I know a woman, a very bright, intelligent woman…who, unfortunately, has found herself in an extremely dismal situation. She has a newborn—with no father. A bastard child.” “There are lots of them in the world, I suspect.” “Perhaps there are. But not in this town.” “I guess that is rare.” “Yes, it is. This is a special situation. She is someone from Providence, Jimmy. A local who we grew up with! You’ll never believe who it is. And she wishes to give up her baby. A girl. A tiny, beautiful girl, Jimmy.” Jimmy saw the dreamy look overcome his wife’s still-puffy eyes. “Are you saying—” “That I would like to adopt her? Yes! That’s what I’m suggesting, Jimmy. I want to take her in, to call her my own, our own. We could 51
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raise her as ours. We could teach her to read and write and tie her shoes and learn Bible verses! She could call me ‘Mama’ and you ‘Daddy!’ We might be able to avoid this pain that I have brought. Jimmy, I think this woman has been sent into my life to provide a solution to this hardship. God is placing an opportunity in front of me. I think I—we— should take it.” Laney’s eyes were sparkling dichotomously with both tears of pleading as well as with a sudden light of optimism. “Who is this woman?” Jimmy asked. “And what do you know about her?” Laney hesitated. She crossed her fingers to match her toes, then took a chance wilder than the night’s conversation. “Her name is Esther Jo. Remember her? She’s the witch.” Jimmy’s heart dropped a thousand miles, recovered, then beat like a staccato drum rising to a special occasion. He looked into Laney’s large eyes and saw that she was expecting an answer. He swallowed hard, wondering whether to fear or to feel blessed. Strangely, he felt both. “I remember,” he said.
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CHAPTER 10
“Hello! Hello?” Anna Hamilton called through the blackness as she inched her way along the thick, spongy carpet, moving her grip from pew to pew. She had found her way to the church by miracle. The moonlight had shone down on the thin, pointy steeple like the star of Bethlehem. Anna thought she recognized it. She swore that it was under the ministry of one Reverend Gerald Tapley. The heavy mahogany door had swung open with ease on its greased hinges, letting in the light from the road. But once she was inside, the brightly lit evening light did little to help her find her way. After a few yards forward, her eyes adjusted to the darkness, and she released her hold on the wooden seats. Giggling, she announced her arrival again. “All right, Tapley, make yourself known! I am the spirit of your past! Give me a sign!” Anna had been drinking. It’d been years since she’d returned to Providence, and she decided that she deserved a woman’s night out— 53
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anyway, her niece needed time alone with her newborn. Anna had been with Esther since she’d arrived in the Glades, pregnant. The delivery hadn’t been easy—22 hours of clenching, cursing, screaming, pushing. She almost lost them both. But now the baby was here and healthy, and Esther had regained her strength. So Anna had driven the pair back home and forced them to begin their lives together, in Providence— where they belonged, where they began. Anna stopped at the local bar a few miles from Esther’s house and downed a couple of glasses of whiskey. The tipsiness came quickly, and the memories of this town teased her until she met the challenge head on. She was here now, and there was no turning back. She was going to find the almighty Reverend Tapley and give him a very warm hello. Anna worked herself a third of the way down the aisle. Her head was beginning to spin, so she swiveled her hips around the high armrest of the long pew and plopped herself down. Seconds later she was reclining on the padded seat, arms over her head, legs draped over the armrest as if she were lounging in a hammock. She closed her eyes, and the cool dry scent of the mahogony sent her into a trance. A dark man of large stature appeared from behind a priest’s door. His deep voice cleared itself. “Pardon me, miss. This is not a motel.” Anna smiled and opened her eyes. The liquid voice filled her and made her groin tingle. The voice was all too familiar—a voice that she had heard on a personal level more than once. She swept her legs to the floor and used her abdominal muscles to quickly raise herself to a seated position. “Excuse me! I was just meditating with the best of them.” “Anna!” The tall black man rushed toward her and pressed his lips to hers, toppling her small frame back on the cushion. He pulled away with a smack from his lips on her cheek. “It’s been too long.” “Duties call, Tapley. And boy, did I have a duty.” 54
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“Tell me later,” he said. “Right now, I’m thinking about where we can go.” He looked around as if searching for a hiding place, as if he weren’t a man of the cloth. “What’s wrong with right here? These seat cushions are comfy.” Tapley shook her head. “Same old Anna. Purely enveloped by lust.” She offered a bitter comeback. “Same old Tapley. Tortured by lust, but gripped by pureness. A living, breathing anomaly.” “Seriously, Anna, how are you?” he asked, momentarily forgetting about hiding. “Fine for sure. My niece just spent the last months of her life growing a baby that has no father. So, I returned her to Providence for now. I figure she’ll be better off up here where salvation is on sale than in some backwoods place where gators and saw grass and airboats are the only neighbors. Besides, this gave me the opportunity to see you again.” She smiled seductively. “I know you’ve had a few, Anna. I tasted it on your lips.” “And?” “And, well, I guess you’re still the same Anna.” “You never complained about it before.” She winked at him. “Sit down.” She patted the seat beside her. He obeyed. She nuzzled up next to his large frame. “I think I missed you,” she said. Silence answered her comment. His body was still, and his breathing was more like a shiver. “What’s wrong with you?” she said sliding back to get a better view of his face. “Where’s my Tapley?” “I don’t know, Anna. I’m not the same man I was last time we met. I’ve changed—for the better, I hope.” She pulled her legs onto the cushions and tucked them under her buttocks. “How can perfect get better?” she asked. “There is only one perfect.” He pointed to the large crucifixion that 55
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hung from the ceiling. “Zeus would disagree. For that matter, so would Aphrodite.” Tapley sighed. “I can see that you’re still in wonderland.” “Which is why you adore me. I scare you, and you’re fascinated by that.” “I scare myself, Anna. I should be trying to save you right now, but I’m so infatuated with your beautiful face that all I can do is stare at you and listen to you talk and wish we weren’t in this church right now.” “How about I shut up, then?” she asked and leaned closer toward him. “If you close your eyes, you can imagine that you’re not in this house of chains.” She tilted her head and began to nip his neck with softened lips. He went hard and dropped his head back. Anna rose up on her knees and flipped her leg over his until she was perched on his lap. She pushed her weight down on his groin and smiled, pleased with the hard knot she felt. “There you are,” she said with an air of seduction. She arched forward and pressed her soft breasts against his chest. Her nipples instantly formed small peaks, and she twisted from side to side brushing them lightly against his skin. “I know you’re glad to see me, Tapley. Some things you just can’t hide.” She slid her hands underneath his belt and tugged. He grabbed her wrists and pushed them back. “That might be true, Anna. But I don’t have to follow through with the human side of pleasure. What if we just talked?” “About what, Tapley? The latest trends of the Wicca craft? Or maybe the teachings of Christ as seen by John?” She laughed out loud, and it echoed in the empty church. “You know we’re as different as night and day, yet you keep denying the one piece of the puzzle that holds us together. The chemistry. Pure, undeniable, delicious sex.” “Do you have to say that so—” 56
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“So what? So loud?” She hopped off his lap and ran out to the aisle. She held her hands wide and twirled around and around shouting the word as if she were calling it out from hiding. “Sex! Sex! Sex! Sex!” “Anna, stop it!” He stood up. “What? You afraid someone will hear me?” She reached out to the same crucifixion he had pointed to earlier. “Or maybe you can’t hear me?” She screamed louder and this time added the spelling. “S-E-X! Sex!” “Anna, you’re insane! Stop it!” He dashed toward the woman. “I won’t! Sex—” Tapley grabbed her outstretched arms and yanked them to her sides. Before he knew it, he’d covered her mouth, not with his wide hands like he’d planned, but with his lips. He dipped inside her warm mouth with his tongue and swept deep and wide. The pleasure became all his when she quickly responded, pushing her own tongue above and below his, dipping, diving, tasting. Both their tongues took up a dance and twirled for many minutes. Finally, Reverend Tapley forced open an eye and peered above him. The only observer was the huge carving of Christ, nailed to the wooden cross, gagged by the sponge of vinegar, silenced by the pain of the nails in His hands and feet, and, thank God, blinded by the crown of thorns. Confession will come later. He quickly shut his eye, blocking out all judgment. Anna was a temptation greater than any. He pushed out all thoughts of right and wrong and let primordial urge take over. He hadn’t realized that the two had strolled toward the altar and actually climbed a few steps in the past hot moments. They were suddenly against the tall, red-carpeted wall which supported the baptismal tank. Anna was pushing Tapley against the structure, grinding herself against him with a rhythm. With each stroke of her mound, he tightened more and more until he felt he would be finished 57
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before he even got started. He grabbed Anna’s shoulders and flipped her around so that she was now against the wall. She tilted her head and broke their lips’ connection. “Let’s go upstairs,” she whispered in a deep sultry voice. “What?” “Upstairs! You know, in the bath.” “It’s not a bath, Anna. It’s a place for baptizing. It’s holy.” “Holy moley!” “Anna, don’t say things like that.” “The truth hurts, Reverend. Say you don’t want me! Say it!” “I don—” Anna held up her fingers and pushed on Tapley’s lips. He stopped mid-word, jaw dropped from forming the syllabic denial. Anna slid her slim fingers inside his mouth. “Suck me,” she directed. He obeyed, curling his lips around her four fingers, and running his tongue along the pads of her digits. She moaned, and then used the suction from his lips to pull him behind her, like an old Slinky dog on a string. Her fingers were still in his mouth; a crazed look was in his eyes. He followed her willingly, knowing that whatever this equally crazy woman wanted she would get. She traipsed up the soft padded stairs, giggling again at the absurdity of the situation, the undeniable willingness of this holy man, the certain future shame that would forever haunt the great Reverend Tapley’s mind after tonight. She pulled her fingers from his mouth and used both hands to turn the silver bath knob. Loud splashes of water fell to the ceramic bottom, first ice cold, then hot. She started with her own clothing, slowly unbuttoning her blouse from top to bottom, one single button at a time. Tapley watched her 58
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fingers as they passed her breast line and traveled to the last button before dropping to her skirt. She slowly tugged at the elastic waistline and revealed her taut stomach, her navel, her curly patch of hair. The skirt dropped suddenly to the floor and Tapley realized she wasn’t wearing any panties. He gasped as if he’d never seen the pose before. His face was suddenly clouded. “Anna, I—” “Don’t even start with your protests,” she remarked sternly. “You’ve been here before. I’m not the Virgin Mary, and you’re not Joseph.” His face softened as he remembered the many times that he and Anna had made love. True, this wasn’t the first time. Tapley took a deep breath. It would, however, be the last. He was sure of that. And since this is the grand finale, I might as well give it all I’ve got! He stepped toward her and slipped her blouse over her shoulders until it dropped. He took a few paces back and eyed her up and down, her soft, snow-white body almost fluorescent in the dark church. She saw his grin. He knelt and turned off the water. The tub was full. “After you,” he said and extended his arm toward the bath. She shook her head in protest. “No, not yet. I’m going to undress you now. Thank the gods you’re not in that awful zoot suit with the collar and the robe.” She grabbed his shoulders, guided him back to his feet, and did the honors more methodically than he had. First his suit coat—over the shoulders and down the arms and back, all the time her body snug against his. She tossed it aside and tugged his shirt out from his pants. She slipped her hands underneath the shirt and traveled up to his thick chest running her fingers through the hairs on his stomach on the way. She ran her hands back down and reached for his belt and unbuckled it. She pulled at one end of the belt like she was spinning a top. When the leather strap popped away from the last belt loop, she 59
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gathered its ends and snapped it like a lion tamer. “Have you been a good boy since I saw you last?” His voice quivered as he answered. “You’d never believe how good.” “She tossed the belt aside and attacked his pants zipper. With one short stroke his fly was down, and she reached for the waistband and tugged the trousers over his muscular buttocks and thighs. They dropped with ease to the floor. Tapley shifted on his feet and removed his shoes, then his pants, then kicked the clothing to the side. Anna grabbed his buttocks and pulled him toward her. Their fronts met. He felt the hardened tips of her breasts against his chest; she felt his hard groin against her stomach. They stared into each other’s eyes for quite a while before he finally spoke. “You are killing me, you know.” “How so. You feel pretty alive to me.” “I am the devil for taking it this far.” “Then God save the devil.” “Anna, you are the most irreverent creature I’ve ever met.” “Perhaps for now. But I suspect that in your time, you will see worse.” “Anna—” “Tapley, just shut up and fuck me.”
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CHAPTER 11
“Wait a minute,” Tapley said, turning away from her body. He traveled down the steps and to the center of the church where communion was usually held. He bent down behind the communion altar and fumbled for a minute before surfacing with two silver chalices and a large cut glass decanter filled with holy wine. He returned quickly and handed Anna the cups. He pulled the stopper from the bottle, and filled the chalices with the rich burgundy liquid. “Here’s to lust,” he said. The chalices rang together, and their lips met the thin, silver edges of the cups. Tapley turned his drink up, gulping the warm red wine until the cup was empty. “Ahhhh. That’s better.” A rush of heat traveled down his throat and flooded his stomach. Anna sipped hers slowly, nose shriveling with each taste. “I’m no wine connoisseur that’s for sure, but this stuff leaves a lot to be desired.” 61
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“It’s not bourbon, but it does the trick,” Tapley remarked, suddenly feeling loose. “Hold your breath and swallow.” Anna obeyed and felt the buzz from earlier return. She smiled, her chest burning. Her breasts swelled from the sudden rush, and her abdomen dipped and fluttered, anticipating a risk-taking evening ahead. Tapley put the empty chalices and decanter aside. “Now, where were we?” “I think I was undressing you.” The wine began to speak for Tapley. “By all means continue.” Anna sauntered toward him and attended to unbuttoning his shirt. Soon, it dropped to the floor, joining the other garments. Anna stepped over the clothing, waded into the warm water, and turned to face Tapley. She found herself staring straight at his crotch and saw his length twitching to be released from his briefs. She pressed her lips against the fabric and exhaled, shooting a hot breath onto his crotch. The bulge grew larger, tighter. She pulled at the elastic, allowing his cock to escape, its head aimed up toward the church rafters. The briefs dropped to the floor, and there stood Tapley naked but for his socks. She wrapped her arms around his hips, squeezed his fine gluts, and pulled him toward her face. She released her hold and dropped her hands into the water to warm them. Wrapping her wet fingers around his penis, she pumped him and tickled the tip with her tongue. Soon he was glistening with his own wetness and Anna began a rhythmic suck as he rocked his hips forward, deeper into her mouth. Tapley closed his eyes and moaned, aching for release. “God,” he murmured. Anna drew back and responded. “God can’t help you now, Tapley. But, I can.” Tapley quickly removed his socks and slipped into the baptismal 62
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with Anna. Their bodies met and entwined, and they sank down to their shoulders, letting the warm water relax them further. “I don’t think I’ve ever wanted you this badly,” he whispered into her ear, then kissed it with his tongue. He moved down her neck, and when he reached the water line, he placed his large hands around her tiny waist and lifted her to a standing position. He slid his hands under her breasts and squeezed them. She dropped her head back and he kissed her navel. He trailed lower, stopping at her curly mound, and followed suit with his hands. “Spread your legs,” he instructed. He dipped into her wetness with his fingers and smiled. She was warm and moist and ready for him. He nudged her gently until her back rested against the side of the tub. He lifted her hips and slid her onto the carpeted floor surrounding the baptismal. Her body glistened with water. He stood up fully, his hard-on raging, and entered her folds, slowly at first, until she was wide open for him. He grabbed her legs and she rested the soles of her feet on his chest. Small splashes of water lapped the sides of the tub as his hips met her thighs. With each stroke, Tapley’s meekness disappeared and he became bold, courageous, almost animalistic. He reached down and placed his palms over Anna’s breasts, shaking them from side to side, twirling her nipples with his thumbs and forefingers. She moaned with delight and reached for his thighs to guide his movements in and out. Suddenly frantic for release, Tapley withdrew and rolled Anna onto her stomach. Anna spread her arms wide, palms down on the carpeted floor. Her legs dropped back into the water and he entered her again. The fury increased and Anna squeezed, tightening the pressure on Tapley. With one last push, he came, blinded by a white, hot melt. He fell onto her back, spread his arms and crisscrossed his fingers through hers. He nibbled her earlobes and let out a deep sigh. “Get up, Tapley. You’re too heavy for me.” 63
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He straightened and a sudden cool, dark draft traveled across his body. He shivered and looked up toward the rafters. The colossal crucifix hung like a heavy omen. The centers of Tapley’s palms suddenly burned. He pressed the pad of his thumb in circular motions on the spots, trying to rid them of the sting. Captured by the trance that the crucifix commanded, Tapley emerged from the baptismal like a zombie. “Where you going, Tapley?” Anna shouted. “What about all that afterglow that’s supposed to take place?” “Hush, girl.” He found his way by the moonlight which streamed in through the large stained glass window. He solemnly walked from the pulpit area, down the aisle, until he met the middle of the church. He stopped eerily in the center of the cross’ shadow, and his body took form as a silhouetted scapegoat. He slowly pivoted to face the hanging holiness. Neck arched, he viewed the deity with more intensity than ever before. He scanned the image’s crossed feet, nailed to the wood with a steel stake. Cold-water droplets fell from Tapley’s knees and onto the tops of his own feet, and he could imagine the pain Christ had felt as the spikes pierced him. His eyes moved upward toward the cloth draped over the statue’s hips. Tapley covered his own privates with his large hands, suddenly ashamed at his own nakedness. Further up he gazed to the pierced side of his Savior. Tapley’s own stomach was sour with too much communion wine. He flinched as his gut screamed with tight, cramping indigestion. His eyes darted to the crown of thorns. Tapley’s head throbbed with a dull ache, the vessels in his temples pounding from a combination of the alcohol, hot water, and the exertion he’d just put out. Tapley’s stare moved outward to the perpendicular arms of Jesus, to the hands, holes drilled in each palm, bearing the weight of His body and the world. Tapley brought his hands together in folded prayer and faced his maker eye to eye. 64
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What he saw shocked the pure hell out of the young minister. The redeemer blinked and stared deep into Tapley’s soul. From that moment on, he’d swear on any holy Bible that the Christ figure spoke to him. He held the words close to his heart as he escorted Anna out of the church. She barely had time to dry off and slip her clothes back on. She yelped like an injured dog. “You just can’t boot me out like this, Tapley! It’s not right.” “The word ‘right’ is not in your vocabulary. I’m not messin’ with the powers of God any more, Anna. I’ve seen the light and heard the truth.” “I see, Mr. Reverend. It’s ‘Wham, bam, thank you, Ma’am.’” “Anna, you must understand my position.” “Oh, I do. I really do. I think they call it the missionary position.” Her voice held a gallon of sarcasm, and her eyes cast a vengeful glare his way. “What would you have me to do, Anna? I am what I am. And that’s all I’ll ever be.” She sighed. “Yeah, Tapley, I guess you’re right. I never expected you to give it all up for me. After all, I wouldn’t give up my beliefs for you.” “That’s probably why we had so much fun. We knew that about each other from the start.” Anna looked over his shoulder toward the hanging crucifixion. “So…are you gonna confess to the Big Guy and make up?” “I’m in the process right now. If He’ll still have me.” “I’m sure you two’ll work it out.” “You know, He spoke to me tonight.” “What’d He say?” “He said ‘Walk away.’ That’s it. Just those two words. ‘Walk away.’” Tapley had a far off look in his eyes as he contemplated the phrase for the umpteenth time. 65
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“So now what?” “We walk.” “I could have loved you, Tapley.” “I know, Anna.” “Is the feeling mutual?” “You know that answer.” She held her head high. “May your God be your salvation.” “If you ever need me—er, spiritually, that is, don’t hesitate to call on me.” “If you ever need me—physically, I’m all yours.” She winked and flashed a grin. They embraced in a solid hug, reluctantly released, and returned to their respective lives: Anna of the glades, guided by the gods, and gutsy enough to get gratification on her own terms; Tapley of the gospel, guided by God, gutted with guilt and gumption and, finally, looking desperately for good sense. The walk away from each other was the hardest yet most deliberate journey they had ever taken.
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CHAPTER 12
The bright headlights pierced through the night as Jimmy drove toward the church. He reached over and patted the soft head of his baby girl who was bundled and belted into the passenger seat. She was sleeping soundly, lulled to slumbers by the hum of the car’s motor. Jimmy had made this decision quickly, but he was convinced that it was a good one. The baby needed a name. The purest way to seal the secret was to have her Christened. By the time he returned home, this child of love would be Tammy Jean Elrod, daughter of Jimmy and Laney Elrod. No questions, no raised eyebrows, only deliverance from scrutiny and blessings from God. Amen. As Jimmy wheeled into the parking lot of the nearest church, the auto’s headlights fell onto the giant clerestory window over the chapel’s entrance. Jimmy lifted his eyes and gazed upon the jeweled colors that instantly came to life. Abstract pieces of royal purple, crimson, gold, and green formed a scene of Jesus’ ministry. The stained glass highlighted the sinless son of God being baptized as an act of 67
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humility unto the Father. A shiver went through Jimmy’s body. He’d come to the right place. Now, to find a man of the cloth to assist him. He lifted his child and entered the dimly lit church, quietly padding up the center aisle, feeling the thick red carpet under his feet. When he had marched to the middle, he stopped and slowly turned, looking from window to window, awed by the beauty of this sanctuary. Each panel told the story of Jesus from birth to death to resurrection. Jimmy could only imagine how vibrant the scenes would look in full sunlight. The silence was thick. The only sound he heard was his baby’s tiny breath as she slept. He didn’t notice the click of the vestibule door as it opened or the dark-skinned man in the crisp brown suit and shiny shoes slipping down the carpet toward him. He jumped at the spoken words which cut through the silence like a lighthouse horn in the fog. “God welcomes you!” Jimmy wheeled around, clutching the child to his chest, hoping the loud voice hadn’t wakened her. He raised his forefinger to his lips. “Shhh! She’s sleeping.” He pointed to baby Tammy. The man smiled and obeyed, lowering his voice. “Ah, then. God welcomes both of you!” Jimmy wasted no time. He went right to the point of his visit. “I’m here to see if the child, er, my daughter, uh…” “You want to turn her over to God.” “I’m her father. She’s got a home with me…and my wife, Laney. We’re her parents, so no, I don’t want to give her up.” The man laughed and shook his head, clearly amused at Jimmy’s lack of understanding of Christian terminology. “Hold on, now. I’m only speaking in the spiritual sense. You’ve come to have her baptized. Right?” “Yes. Christened. Given a name.” Jimmy looked at the tall man, a young African-American, with skin the color of maple. He looked down at his daughter’s face, pale white like an angel’s wing. The man sensed a deep nervousness in Jimmy. The child in his arms 68
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stirred and began to whimper as if reacting to the father’s uneasiness. “Is the pastor here? I’d like to get this over with.” “Sorry to disappoint you, my man. You’re looking at the pastor.” Jimmy’s eyes grew wide and his cheeks burned. “I grew up in Providence. Since when did our little town—” “Get a black preacher?” The two men squared off in the center aisle of the large church separated only by the swaddled infant. “I didn’t mean—” “Forget it. I get this reaction a lot. I’m one of a kind in this place. Sometimes it’s hard for people to accept that. But, in the face of adversity, I gather my strength. Before long they will understand and respect me for my wisdom.” Esther flashed into Jimmy’s mind. She, too, was one of a kind. This man and Esther, they had a lot in common. He was of a different color; she was of a different coven. “But to finish my explanation, the town of Providence got an African-American preacher—me—when it realized that I had faith in my soul and soul in my faith.” The man bent and scooped up a house Bible from one of the pews. “The words in my heart are steeped in this good book. My teacher is my Father who art in Heaven, and my mentor is the great theologist Theodore Tapley, my father who art in Philly.” He giggled at his own wit. “Funny how things work out, huh? So, nice to meet you. My name’s Gerald Tapley. Reverend Tapley.” Jimmy offered his hand, keeping the baby balanced with his other arm. “I’m Jimmy Elrod. I’m sorry if I offended you. It’s just, well, you look so young…like you’re my age.” “Who’s to judge if we’re too young for anything?” he asked, directing his words and his eyes toward the baby. Jimmy lowered his head, exposing sin, letting it drop to the floor, hoping by chance it might be stomped out by the man’s large foot of 69
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salvation. “You’re doing the right thing. Where’s Mrs. Elrod? Didn’t she want to witness her daughter becoming God’s own?” Jimmy shuffled uncomfortably. A gush of guilt washed over his body. Small beads of perspiration began to form around his temples. He bounced the baby up and down in his arms, trying to calm her squirm. “She’s, er, not feeling well tonight.” “We could wait, then.” “No! No. I, uh, we’d like to take care of this as soon as possible. Now. We need to do it now.” “Mr. Elrod, I’m obligated to tell you that in agreeing to baptize this baby, you’re turning her over to a life of Christian values and beliefs. You are saying that this is what you hope for her—for her to follow in the path of Christ.” At that moment Jimmy envisioned Esther skipping down the path to the cabin, wearing the flowing gown of the Wiccan dress, draped with Celtic charms, chanting her poems about gods and goddesses, leading him to the place where this child was conceived. Jimmy closed his eyes looking for the color black to drive this blasphemous image out of his head. When the image had subsided, he opened his eyes to find Reverend Tapley staring at him, searching for commitment. Jimmy knew the holy man was looking for a sign of truthfulness. He offered all he knew. “I can come to church on Sundays,” he said. “We’ll all come.” “It takes more than that, Mr. Elrod. Our Lord told us to be baptized into His name. Bearing His name means that we belong under His authority and protection. We are part of His household, servants of every kind, even members of His army.” Reverend Tapley paused for what seemed like eternity, allowing Jimmy to digest his words. Jimmy’s heart produced question after question, the likes of which he had not expected. Was it right to direct this baby toward a religion in which she may 70
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not ultimately want or believe? Was he here for the right reasons? Or was his motive to cleanse his own conscience? After all, submersing this child in holy water would not wash Jimmy’s sins away. If there was one thing Jimmy Elrod knew it was that he loved this baby. And to love her was to commit her to as easy a life as possible, a life of full acceptance by the townspeople. This was the only way. Jimmy took a deep brave breath. “I am here to sign up for the draft. Consider us part of your cavalry.” The reverend smiled like a Cheshire cat. “I’ll go fill the tub.” As quick as Reverend Tapley had appeared he disappeared behind the same door, leaving Jimmy alone with his daughter. He took a seat and placed her on the cushioned pew beside him. He looked at her sweet and simple innocence. She needed only to be loved and cared for. He intended to do that for the rest of his life. *
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Back in the safety of the dressing area, Reverend Tapley collapsed onto a wooden bench, breathing quick and shallow, trying desperately to ward off a panic attack. A baptism! In the same water tank where he and Anna had enjoyed ungodly sex just a few hours prior! What kind of a minister was he? A scoundrel of a man no doubt! How could he righteously purify this child in the same tub where he had acted so impurely? He fell to his knees in repent. Sweat was dripping down his neck and was absorbed by his collar of the spiritual craft. Just a little while ago he was wet with want, every pore dripping from physical exertion as he lowered himself onto the mystical, miraculous mirage called Anna Hamilton. Now the origin of his sweat was pure fear. Forgiveness became a taunting ghost, laughing above the minister’s head, daring him to try and catch its tail end, forcing him to bow in submission. With lowered head and folded hands, Tapley tried to concoct a prayer that would be worthy of his maker’s time. What a mismatch: the 71
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missionary and the witch! What mockery he had made of his god-given might! He had been wayward, weak beyond belief. Even if he’d been wed to this woman, hell! No one would do it in a baptismal! The memory of the afternoon riled his senses. Anna was incredible. She had been a paradox: an angel of sorts, yet a devil in disguise. She had skin as white and soft as a cloud, with sky blue eyes and a body molded from perfection. He had been tempted out of his mind! She had appeared as an illusion of beauty, willing, safe, and true. She had taken him to heights above Heaven. Their union had been a mishap—yes, brief and blissful—but it had left Tapley with a thousand years of penance beyond an eternity of guilt. When she walked into the church that day, looking for directions to her niece’s house, Tapley realized she was lost in every sense of the word. Trusting the priest, she provided details of her niece’s affair and its result—her illegitimate daughter. As Tapley listened to the great story, he was drawn to Anna. In the end, he’d tried to work the word into her; she worked her magic on him instead. Anna had provided a release from the stress he had felt since arriving in Providence. This town was so quick to judge. He’d dealt well with the finger pointing, the skepticism, and the challenge of his ability to lead a community toward righteousness. How many times had he heard the whispers? How could he, a black man, deliver a white community to grace? What did he know of their needs? He wasn’t like them. He didn’t know their Anglo-Saxon God. Anna had also helped him discover his faults. If he was going to be a man of Jericho, a soul-saver, a strong person of faith, then he definitely had to work harder. He’d have to give temptation the cold shoulder. Jumping into the bathtub with the first woman who strutted down the aisle was a huge commentary on Tapley’s moral character. Put frankly, he’d blown it. He felt like a loser for muddying his reverent waters. Repentance was mandatory. And it was time. 72
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He rose and threw a white baptismal robe over his head. The beauty of religion, he told himself, was that starting over was an option. He intended to begin again right then and there. He had a tiny life waiting for him. Through a baptism, he would join her in newness. *
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The house lights popped on brightening the entire church. A curtain opened, and behind it was a large baptismal, resembling a huge marble bathtub. Reverend Tapley stepped from behind a wall. He wore the long white robe with dignity. “Mr. Elrod, will you bring the candidate forward?” Jimmy scooped up the baby and moved up the aisle toward the front of the church. “Shall I undress her?” he asked. “The diaper can stay, but unless you brought a change for her, you may want to remove her clothes. We don’t want her to catch a cold.” Jimmy pulled the blanket from around the baby and draped it over his shoulder. A few snaps later, the tiny infant wore only a cloth diaper. Reverend Tapley referenced the baptism of Jesus, the meaning and purpose of the ritual, and he blessed the water. After what seemed like endless verbiage to Jimmy, the tall preacher stepped into the pool himself and asked for the child. Jimmy obeyed. The man’s large dark hands carefully took the small pale baby. “Name this child.” “Tammy Jean Elrod.” “Tammy Jean Elrod, I baptize you in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost. Amen.” In conjunction with his words, the reverend submersed the child. Then, before he lifted her out of the tepid water, he lowered his own body below the surface. I am Reverend Gerald Tapley, man of God’s word! Vivid scenes floated past his mind. The sexual act itself, the sensual feeling it aroused, the final release. Like oil floating on water, 73
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the sins separated from Tapley’s soul, and he was left clean and new. Together, the priest and the baby saved each other. Their parable was secret, silent, and strong. Finally surfacing, the two were healed. He handed her back to Jimmy who dried her with a towel and wrapped her tightly with the soft receiving blanket while she wailed and wiggled and coughed. He pulled a pacifier from the pocket of his jeans and stuck it in her open mouth. She immediately began to suck on it, and with a steady rocking of Jimmy’s arms, the baby was content. As drops of water fell from the reverend’s face, he announced, “She is now a child of Christ, Mr. Elrod. May you and your own continue in peace.” “Thank you, Reverend. We will. We will.” “I have to let you in on a secret if you promise not to tell.” “What’s that?” Jimmy asked. “Miss Tammy Jean is my first.” “First?” “Er, first Baptism.” “Well now. We both have something to celebrate. I thought it seemed strange that you took a dive yourself. Beginner’s learning curve, I guess. Never mind that, though. How about we go for some coffee up the road?” “I’d love that. Let me get out of this wet robe. I’ll meet you in the foyer.” Jimmy turned and walked down the aisle as a new father with a new faith and a new hope that everything would work out. As bittersweet as it seemed, Jimmy Elrod made a private commitment before he exited the church that he would begin his new life as a loving parent to Tammy, a faithful husband to Laney, and a silent, eternal friend to Esther.
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CHAPTER 13
Anna stumbled out of the church, body wet, spent, and shaky. Too much sex and a bad combination of brown liquor and red wine had her reeling. She had to get back home, though, had to run from this church and its keeper as hard and as fast as she could. The trip with Tapley was totally over. No more irreverent reverends for her. She reached her car and almost hurled as she swung its door wide open. She fell into the driver’s seat and her head fell back onto the cushioned neck rest. “Ugh.” She sat still for a few minutes then decided she’d best get going. What she needed was a cold shower, a soft, warm bed, and twelve hours of sleep. The first two items were easy. Getting a full night’s sleep, however, was nearly impossible. Esther paced the floor of her trailer constantly in a sort of post-partum depression. The partum part, though, was cruelly two-fold. No baby in her womb anymore, and no baby—period. Anna had doubted the sanity of the entire deal from the beginning. 75
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She must have really loved that man to completely turn over her child to him. Anna declared, “If it were me, I’d dig my heals in and fight the fanatics and their falsities. Let ’em point and call me a heretic! To hell with them and all their hypocrisy!” Anna leaned over and pulled the door shut. She reached under her seat and produced the ignition keys. Two or three cranks on the old sedan and the motor was ready to go. She backed out of the church parking lot and was soon on her way down the endless, pitch black, two-lane road. The only guide Anna had was the rickety auto’s weak headlights. The winding road joined forces with her inebriated head and played games with her eyesight. Several times she ran onto the soft shoulder and over the midline. She was glad it was after midnight and the road was empty. Finally, Anna settled into a groove. She rolled the window down and let the cool night air clear her senses. She rested her hand on the steering wheel and tilted her head back, as she recapped the evening’s escapade. “He’ll rot for that.” She giggled then continued talking out loud as if she had an imaginary passenger. “He thinks that his confession will clear his conscience! It might get him forgiveness, but it will never erase his ethical faux pas! He is screwed! No pun intended.” Anna roared with her laughter at her own wit. Her eyes clouded with water and she squinted to see. What she missed was the large Chevy truck barreling through the blackness on the opposite side of the road. Anna jerked the steering wheel a sharp right to avoid the blinding lights of the oncoming truck. Her right tire grabbed the soft sand and the car flipped over and over. Anna’s life flashed before her eyes and with a final jolt, the car slammed head on into a tree. The front end of the old car hit the wide tree so hard that it almost tried to climb it. The front of the car angled up the tree sideways. The hood of the car had popped up, steam poured from the radiator, and the 76
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front tire on the passengers’ side was blown out. The car hugged the tree at an angle, and the tire rim was spinning as if it were still on the road. The roof looked like a crater where it caved in from rolling over so many times. The windshield had smashed into thousands of pieces, and glass covered the seats and floorboard like confetti. The car was a mess; Anna was much worse. Anna’s body was motionless. Blood flowed freely from the cuts on her scalp and face and neck. She could feel the warm liquid running in her eyes and taste it as it ran down her face and onto her lips. Her body was numb, and she couldn’t move. She was covered in splinters of glass which were stuck to her pale skin in more places than she could feel. Anna could barely see. Darkness dominated the scene, and far off the main highway there were no lights, only the pale yellow of a watery moon, and even that light was dull, much duller than normal. In the distance, Anna could hear the faint whine of sirens. Minute by minute they became louder and louder. A wave of questions flew past her brain like a headline banner on CNN. Was she going to be rescued? Why couldn’t she wiggle her toes, her fingers? What happened to the driver of the Chevy truck? Was he hurt somewhere? Was he okay? The sound of the distress signal became deafening, and then there were flashes of red and white lights. Suddenly the still dark lane was filled with loud voices and sporadic illumination and men rushing everywhere. They spoke to hand-held radios and answered the crackling sounds of static. Paramedics quickly rushed to Anna’s car and asked a barrage of senseless questions. “Miss, was anyone else in the car with you? Can you move? Can you understand me?” Anna couldn’t budge her head. She was numb, faint, and shaken. “No,” was all she could muster. The men weren’t sure which question 77
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she was answering. The sight was one the paramedics had seen over and over. Too much to drink and too little life left. Anna was pinned in her car. The driver’s side door was damaged and would need to be cut open. The passenger side of the car was too high in the tree to risk the weight of a big fireman climbing on the car and maybe shifting its weight. Excessive movement might cause the vehicle to shift in the wrong direction and hurt Anna more so. If it fell on its side—the driver’s side—Anna might be fatally crushed. The paramedic talked to Anna. “Miss, you’ve lost a lot of blood. We’re going to cut the door open to free you. I know you aren’t quite sure of your surroundings, but we are here to help. So just hold on tight. We’ll get you out of there.” The firemen used one or more of their metal saws on the old car to open the driver’s side door. But the more time that passed for them to free her, the deeper in shock Anna drifted. Finally the door on the passenger’s side loosened. The paramedics tugged on the door and it gave way.As the firemen took Anna’s limp body from the crash, they laid her on a blanket on the ground in the woods. She was bleeding freely from the cuts. She was covered in slivers of glass and metal shards and had lost a lot of blood. Blood continued to flow down her face and soaked her clothes in a river of red. “It’s going to be okay now, Miss. You’re free from the vehicle. We’re going to clean you up and check to see if you have any broken bones. We will tell you everything we do before we do it. Don’t be afraid.” Anna could only acknowledge the man’s gentle voice with a grimace on her face. That was the best she could do. The paramedics instinctively understood. The good news was Anna’s heart was still beating and the paramedics had a job to do. They needed to stabilize Anna and get her 78
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to the hospital as soon as they could. Several minutes seemed like countless hours; however, the paramedics were successful. They revived Anna’s wilted and bleeding body. She had a good pulse and her vital signs were almost normal despite her tremendous loss of blood. The paramedics were relieved that they saved this one, but there was another vehicle somewhere and another body—maybe more than one. They needed to shift their attention to the other car, the other victim. “Miss, now that you’re stable, we’re going to assist the other vehicle. An ambulance is on the way to take you into town.” The paramedics walked away down the dark unlit lane, leaving Anna while they pursued the other driver. One man remained with her and he held her small, limp hand. The team split into two units; half went to the right side of the small dark highway and the rest of the team went to the left. They were no more than a quarter mile away when they heard a loud explosion. Flames shot high in the air and the dark night glowed like New Year’s Eve in Times Square. The paramedics’ radios squawked. “Engine Two, this is team leader. What just happened?” Silence answered. The men were stunned. “Engine Two, come back. This is team leader. Explain your situation!” Again, silence. The men were frozen with indecision. Finally, one man pressed the radio’s button with a shaky explanation. “Team leader, this is Engine Two. The car the injured lady was driving exploded into a ball of fire without warning. The victim was clear of the car. I’m just returning to the scene. I left for a moment to go back to the engine.” The paramedic scouting team acted on the man’s comments and ran back to Anna’s car, but it was engulfed in tall orange flames, burning out of control. They ceased their mission of searching for a second 79
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vehicle and instead focused on putting out the inferno and making sure Anna was still stable. The latter goal became impossible. Anna was very aware of her surroundings, but she was no longer just lying on a blanket in the woods; she had watched her car explode into a bonfire as high as a twostory building. She watched the chaotic events unfold minute by minute. She had escaped her broken body, and was now looking down, freely floating as a spirit. The lone paramedic left to watch over Anna had disappeared for a brief moment to search out a fire extinguisher. When he returned, he called to Anna before he saw her so that she would be comforted by his voice and not fear that she was alone. “Hold on, Miss, I just walked away for a few seconds. You probably didn’t even know I was gone. Miss? Miss? Can you hear me, Miss? As he arrived at the spot Anna had been laying, he immediately saw that the blanket was empty. The only remains of Anna were the bloodstains and scarf she had been wearing around her neck. There were no visible signs of Anna. It was as if the rapture had stolen her body. The group of paramedics searched for over an hour for Anna, but she was gone. The rescue team had no explanation as to where her body went. The car, too, was gone—burned to a crisp and reduced to charred rubble. By this time, Anna had reached a new consciousness, a new plateau, a newfound place. *
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“Where the hell am I?” Anna yelled into the black heat. A buzzing silence pressed on her ears. “Don’t worry, sista. You’re here.” “Where?” Anna screeched. The last thing she remembered was the 80
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sound of metal crunching, a ferocious pounding on her head, then what seemed like stadium lights bearing down on her face. A hand jutted through the dark and landed on her shoulder with a hot, heavy tug. She jumped backwards. “Watch it!” warned the gravelly voice. “One wrong step and you’re history.” “Where am I?” Anna repeated, starting to cry and wishing she were back on the stretcher, covered with the starched blankets, listening to the whine of sirens. A different voice piped in. “You’re impatient and stupid. If you’d close your mouth and open your eyes, you’d know perfectly well where you were.” Anna kicked in frustration. A few loose stones tumbled past the voices. Her eyes were beginning to adjust to the light and as she looked around, she met the stares of a mob of deadpans. Ugly mugs surrounded her. Their bloodshot eyes and deep dark bags under them made her shiver as warm as it was. They huddled her body, curiosity dictating their closeness. Anna couldn’t see past, so she looked up. Not far from her head was a jagged, rocky ceiling, dripping with moisture. She felt claustrophobic in the worst way and this pained her more than the accident she had just been through. “Back up, you morons!” She began kicking again, and the people obeyed. “She’s a feisty one,” said one man. “Wonder how long she’ll last?” “Hard to say around this joint. Sometimes the cocky ones outlast the meek.” Anna had had enough. She stepped forward and spouted out a host of questions prefaced by a sharp demand. “All right! If you’re gonna talk about me, then talk to me. Name’s Anna. Enough introductions. Let’s cut to the chase. I want to know where I am and how I got here? Who are all of you? And where’s the 81
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exit? I’ve wasted enough time already.” A short redhead wiggled to the front of the crowd. “I’ll tell you. What the hell—I’ve got nothing to lose!” Anna took a breath. It was hard to get a breath in this place. “You’re in Purgatory, lady. You’re dead, and so are we. You obviously did something real bad, and so did we.” He giggled and looked down at his singed shoes. “And there’s only one exit that we know of.” As if cued, the crowd parted so that Anna could see beyond them. A lava-filled gorge spit and sputtered. The yellow and red ooze mimicked the colors Anna had last seen as her car had burst into flames. Anna’s temper flared and she stormed past the crowd. They reached out and grabbed her just in time. Her right leg had dipped into the gorge and her shoe melted to her foot. They pulled her back and stomped out the fire that had ignited onto her shoelace. Anna jumped and squealed, then quickly stopped and looked down. Her foot had been on fire. She felt no physical pain. Maybe these freaks were right. Maybe she was dead. Purgatory? Her understanding of this fairy tale setting included second chances. If that’s what was possible for her, then she was certain she’d walk the earth again. Anna looked around at the faces and suddenly saw this cohort of death in a different light. She smiled peacefully, her anger gone. “Thank you,” she said. “You saved my life.” “Our pleasure, Anna. Welcome to Purgatory.”
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CHAPTER 14
Esther began the summer day with an early walk through the woods to free her spirit. Anna’s death had taught her to embrace each day. And though she tried to do that, there wasn’t a second she didn’t miss her daughter. She’d love to be able to envelope her with a hug and gently squeeze her soft plump baby skin. She wondered what words Tammy Jean had learned. “Ma-ma?” “ Da-da?” She wished she could babble with Tammy and teach her to talk. She felt a pang of loneliness that only her daughter could erase. Esther conversed with all she had—Mother Nature. She said good morning to the patches of wild coneflowers as they grasped their first light of the day. She whistled back at the tree swallows who were singing their morning praise. She moved toward the cabin in the woods, her place of peace and contentment, where memories helped soothe her forlorn soul. She had not visited the old shack since the day she had turned away from Jimmy and said goodbye. Why did being a Wiccan have to cause her so much pain? Why did 83
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her belief in the gods bother the townspeople so much? She didn’t scorn them because of their religious beliefs. What did religion have to do with good or evil or love or hate or Jimmy and Esther? Why couldn’t people have left them alone? To be lovers? To be parents? To be happy? But, that wasn’t the way things had gone. Reverend Tapley was quick to put down the Wiccan faith and made damn sure the townspeople did the same. Esther never could understand that, considering his relationship with Anna. Or maybe that’s what made him so vehement in the first place. Jimmy didn’t have to say their relationship wouldn’t work because of Esther’s faith. He never had to admit that he couldn’t face the heat. Instead, he’d found an out with Laney. It was easier to leave on Laney’s account than to admit he was afraid of the name tagging and condemnation he’d get. Esther’s slow stroll gave her time to turn the issues over and over. Her thoughts returned quickly to Tammy Jean. How was she doing? Was she happy? Had Esther made the right decision to give her to her father to raise with his new wife, Laney? Would Esther, in some way, have the opportunity to be part of Tammy’s life? As Esther neared the cabin, the many heavy thoughts finally faded and lighter memories of her love for Jimmy consumed her—their scintillating sex, their uncompromised love, their boundless passion. Oh, how she had loved that man, and would forever love him. So, the answer must be yes! Yes, she made the right decision to place her baby daughter in her Jimmy’s arms and walk away! Esther’s first view of the cabin was proof positive that it had been far too long since she was last there. Radish vines and wood sorrel had crept over the porch steps. Ivy and wild cypress vines surrounded the windows and seemed to consume the old building. The wood frames had turned a pale green from the mold that had formed from lack of sunlight. Esther trampled through the weeds like a surveyor in the 84
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jungle to get to the door. As she stepped inside, she could almost smell the sweet aroma of lovemaking that she and Jimmy had created in this shack. She looked around then her eyes dropped. There, on the floor, was an unforgettable reminder of their love—a perfect outline of Esther from the sweat her body had produced. She would remember her lost but not forgotten love, Jimmy Elrod. She could never erase the haunting memories of Jimmy and their passion. Nor, did she ever want to. But she could turn the dear thoughts into positive avenues for her future. A large rag rug would cover the silhouette on the floor. It would remain their secret, her secret. Esther gave a deep sigh, continued eyeing the small but quaint place, and instantly decided she should refurbish it. Yes, that was exactly what she would do! She would rebuild and renew the dilapidated cottage until it was brand new. It would be a special place for her to commune with nature, with the gods, and with her daughter—if only transcendentally. She had much to do if she were going to transform this hideaway into a house. The hardware store in town surely had everything Esther needed to make this old bungalow a magnificent place. Esther supposed she should work on the outside of the cabin first. She really needed to cut a pathway through the foliage to the door, maybe making use of an arbor. Yes, of course! There was so much ivy that she could have a wonderful portico leading to the door and clearly not disturb too much of the nature she loved in the process. This would be perfect! Excitedly, Esther quickly made a mental list of things she would need from the hardware store. A large white-latticed archway would do nicely. She’d also need a rake, a broom, and maybe a trimmer—and a rug. Surely the assistants at the hardware store would know what else she might need. Esther left the cabin with a renewed sense of vision and 85
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contentment. Providence was a small town, but the journey to the hardware store was long enough for Esther to revel in the joy of renovating her secret place. Once she cleaned up the grounds, then she could paint the inside and hang a pair of pale yellow or green valences to compliment the woods outside. Esther hummed as she stepped off the path and met her car. What fun this would be! And…maybe one day when Tammy Jean was older, she could visit.
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CHAPTER 15
With the low Florida sun in her eyes, Esther almost missed her turn into the parking lot of the hardware store. It was a small place, but a very busy one. She barely found a place to park. Once inside, though, Esther was like a kid in a candy store. So much neat stuff was everywhere! Customers could hardly walk through the door without negotiating space through which to pass. She eyed all kinds of things she could use to make her cabin in the woods special. But today, she was there just for the basics, just for the few things she needed to get started: an arbor, a rake, a broom and maybe a trimmer. Then, she would be off to the shack to work and clean and, perhaps, rebuild. Esther strolled down one aisle and then another. She earnestly looked for the supplies she needed to help her get to work. As she rounded the corner where the rakes and shovels were located, there stood her beloved Jimmy, holding his daughter, her daughter, their daughter, Tammy Jean. Esther froze in her steps. 87
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His wife, Laney, was standing close to him, her arm entwined through his. Tammy Jean’s “other” mother, looked content. She waited obediently as Jimmy picked up a garden hoe and tested it as if he were turning imaginary dirt. Esther’s eyes darted from Jimmy to the child to Laney then back to him. Esther could not move; her body was numb and her heart was racing uncontrollably. For the first time, she saw her Jimmy interacting with his toddler. The child giggled as he pretended she was a slug in the sand and chased her with the edge of the hoe. A giant lump swelled in Esther’s throat and was followed by the same reoccurring knot in her stomach. It was the same knot that formed each time when Jimmy had rubbed against her with his big frame and huge hands. The same knot that made her come unglued when Jimmy made passionate love to her. The same knot she felt when he left her after a night of lovemaking in their secret place. That damn knot! What had she done? She stood alone and stared ahead at the happy threesome: the man she had so desperately loved, the daughter she had birthed, and the woman she had trusted to take care of them both. What a cruel moment this was for Esther. She wanted to turn and run, but as Esther began to pivot, Laney noticed her and called to her, “Esther, is that you? Come over here and talk with us!” There was no turning back. Esther stood naked with regret— exposed and ashamed. She had no choice but to respond to Laney. She faked a smile and walked warily toward the trio. “Well, I declare, that baby is almost growed!” said Esther in a singsong voice. She stooped and tickled Tammy Jean’s ribs. The baby doubled with laughter and stumbled back a few steps, a sweet, happy look in her eyes. Esther was mesmerized by the deep emerald color and saw clearly, that it was Jimmy starring back at her. She squatted, motionless, frozen in time. This was her child, living, breathing, growing, birthed from her loin. How cruel the gods had been to let this happen. At that moment, Esther knew she would be—had to 88
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be—part of Tammy Jean’s life, in any way she could. “I can’t believe she is so big for her age!” Tammy remarked honestly. She followed with a question to which she clearly knew the answer. “How old again is she, Laney?” Those words cut through Jimmy like a sharp hot knife. He hated that false pretenses had to be made. He knew, though, that they were necessary, part of the cruel game of life. Tammy Jean was so beautiful. She looked like Esther and Jimmy, a replica of their best attributes. Jimmy’s dark hair and green eyes, Esther’s strong stance and playful smile. Would the townspeople notice? Maybe not! Maybe so! Only time would tell. Esther nervously babbled small talk with Jimmy and Laney for a few moments. She asked were they remodeling or building? Had the long winter wreaked havoc on their yard? Had they been to BJ’s lately for coffee and dessert? She said anything to get a longer look at the pretty little girl who twirled round and round on the floor, quite bored with the waiting. Finally, Esther excused herself to find a salesperson to assist her with her search for the right tools. Once she was out of their sight, Esther breathed a huge sigh of relief. The large lump that kept her from getting a full breath was still in her throat. Her palms were sweaty and her heart raced wildly, but worst of all, that damn knot in her gut which had once filled her with giddy anticipation now filled her with sadness—almost despair—as she saw a very important part of her life out of reach and out of her control. Esther walked rapidly about the hardware store. Now, more than ever, she wanted to rebuild…to remember with dignity not regret. She knew she could do that if she were afforded an opportunity to practice her Wiccan faith and heal her saddened heart. She needed to pray to the gods and ask for guidance and deliverance. Most of all, she needed deliverance. She felt a lingering sadness, and her heart was heavy. She had lost not just one love but also two: her lover of what seemed ages ago and her daughter, born, it seemed, 89
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just yesterday. She was relieved when the seemingly happy family left. She peered at the three of them as they exited the store, purchases in Jimmy’s arms, baby in Laney’s. Esther ambled around the hardware store until her stupor faded and her resolve took on new meaning. She had to put this behind her. She became preoccupied with locating items to turn the cabin into a place of dignity and charm, a bungalow instead of a brothel. A home instead of a whorehouse. A place where she could invite her special partner not for lust but for love. Seeing Jimmy and Laney with “their” child made her realize that she had to move on. She needed to seal things with the future before it was too late. She’d been in mourning long enough. It was time for change. She searched until she found the most perfect arbor, white, and almost seven feet tall. It would certainly add a delicate balance to the front of the cabin. It was large enough for even the tallest of men and yet small enough to add grace and style to the entranceway of the old cabin. Esther discovered a newfound energy. She could not wait to place the arbor in the perfect spot and to begin draping it in the wonderful vines and foliage with which Mother Nature had so graciously surrounded the cabin. Surely the gods would be pleased that she was just “relocating” the undergrowth rather than removing or destroying it. There would hardly be a sign of white once all the greenery was draped over it. Esther excitedly looked for her other items—a wide brimmed rake, a thick bristled broom, and some sort of weed trimmer. Where were those sales people when you needed one? She had found everything but the trimmer. Where was that salesman? Finally with arms loaded, she turned into the next aisle. Esther bumped into and almost knocked over a young man, tall and lanky. She looked through the prongs of the rake and saw his amused look as he staggered to gain his balance. His hair was tousled and his eyes darted 90
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left and right hoping that the manager had not seen him stumble into this customer. “Well, I guess that’s one way of finding someone to give you a hand,” she said. “I need some help finding a trimmer or something to help me cut back some huge old vines. Can you help?” The employee took her to the right spot. “Depending on how much you want to spend, we’ve got everything you’ll ever need. You can use these small hand sheers or this big electric contraption. I like the manual ones myself. No sense letting technology insult Mother Nature. If you’re gonna cut back Her hair, you oughta be decent about it and do it yourself. You gotta feel it, I say.” Esther watched the curve of the man’s lips as he spouted off his philosophy. His words intrigued her. So did his mouth. Full lips, a perfect cupid’s bow, lined with a curtain of straight white teeth. “So, which one would you recommend?” She unconsciously played helpless, tickled with herself that she was finding this man infatuating. She hadn’t felt anything in a long time. Not since Jimmy. “Definitely this one. He held up a pair of long sharp hedge clippers. You can’t go wrong with these babies. Your bushes will never feel it. And that’s important. You don’t want them to weep. There’s nothing worse than sad shrubbery. It takes ’em months to recover.” He smiled a simple smile and thrust the shears toward her. Her heart did a leap and she almost dropped the other items in her arms. “Oh, gosh. I’m sorry, lady luck. Here. Hand all this over. I’ll take it up front for you.” Esther obeyed. “Thanks, er…what’s your name?” “Robert. Robert Arnold. Folks call me Bobby. You can too.” “Thanks, Bobby.” “Are you—” “That Witch? Yeah. I’m her.” “I wasn’t gonna say that.” 91
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“What were you gonna say, then?” “I was about to ask if you were gonna need some help with all the trimmin’ and rakin’ and stuff that you have to do.” “I can manage.” “Well, if you find yourself in a battle with Mother Nature, let me know. The boss hires me out for yardwork. And a pretty gal like you shouldn’t be doing that kind of labor.” Esther blushed. “Have we met before? You look familiar.” “We went to the same high school. You just never noticed me. I didn’t hang around too much. Had to get to the restaurant.” “The restaurant?” “My parents own BJ’s.” “I love that place!” “Yeah,” Bobby smirked. “They think I love it too. That’s why I work here. Can’t stand the place. They’re bound and determined that I’m gonna run it when they retire. What they don’t realize is that I hate cooking! Give me a car to work on and I’m fine, but don’t make me sweat behind a stove.” “Oooh!” Esther squealed. “I’d give anything for that! I love to cook!” Bobby bumped Esther’s shoulder playfully. “Will you marry me? That’ll get my parents off my back!” They laughed and gazed into each other’s eyes, realizing they had just struck up a friendship. Esther noticed that Bobby had great looks and the eyes of an honest man. “Tell you what. If you help me with my project, I’ll treat you to the best meal of your life. You’ll never talk about cooking again.” He slapped the items down on the counter and turned toward her, extending his hand. “Deal, er…what’s your name?” She shook his hand with vim and vigor. “Esther. Esther Jo.” “Pleased to meet you, Esther Jo. When do I start work?” 92
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CHAPTER 16
As Esther drove back towards the cabin, thoughts of her earlier encounter with the Elrods slipped into her mind. However, they were quickly washed to the side as visions of Bobby Arnold flooded into her heart. She blushed in her solitude as her stomach fluttered just recreating the conversation from earlier. He was a free spirit and that had definitely attracted her. Esther’s walk back to the cabin from the road was a pleasant one. She dragged her broom behind her and giggled. If people could see her, they’d point and make some stupid comment about her using the tool as a mode of transportation. She couldn’t wait for tomorrow when Bobby would arrive with her other purchases. He’d insisted she leave them at the hardware store until he could drive them over in his small pickup truck. She was going to meet him where the road met the path, and they’d make the journey through the woods together. For now she dreamed of the improvements to her Wiccan temple in 93
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the woods. She knew it would be grand. She’d find a perfect spot to place her new white arbor. Esther waded through the weeds and swept the front porch. Then she went inside to do the same. When she finished, she found that the afternoon light was quickly fading. Esther fumbled in the drawer of the old desk in the corner and found some matches. She lit a few of the short dusty candles and took a seat on the floor in the same spot where she’d sat so often with Jimmy. Night fell fast on the old cabin. Esther chanted a few prayers and drifted off to sleep under some blankets. She was more exhausted from the ordeal at the hardware store than she was from the work on the cabin. The mental fatigue was too trying, the physical fatigue helped her focus on her sore muscles, rather that her anguished heart. As a solid slumber found its way to Esther’s soul, she dreamt vividly. She wafted off to the past and found herself floating over her own body, looking down at the very spot where she now slept. She was embraced in the arms of a man, their lips were locked, and they were well into the throes of passionate lovemaking. His hips rocketed up and down and she could see his pumped back muscles as he held himself over her. Esther smiled in her sleep and called out into the darkness. “Oh, Jimmy! Jimmy!” With one final shove, he released with a shudder and groan. The lover rolled off of Esther and onto his back. His body glistened and his penis swung from side to side, still semi-erect. He opened his eyes and looked up toward Esther’s floating image, a glazed look of after sex. Esther bolted from the dream, her body drenched with sweat. She sat up and looked around the pitch-black cabin. Was he in the room? She breathed deep trying to calm her rapidly beating heart. Tears of hope welled in her sleep-swollen eyes. She lay back down and wished for another dream like the last one. She suddenly found herself aroused and moved to pleasure herself, 94
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replaying the dream scene again in her head. She found her spot in the folds of her rose. Soon she felt the swirling pangs of sweetness flood her groin and let out a deep moan as she came. Had she finally moved on? If her dream was any indication, then the answer was yes. She closed her eyes and saw her surreal lover again. She whispered to his name into her bundled sheets, secretly hoping the dream would come true. “Bobby.”
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CHAPTER 17
Esther rolled away from the streaming sunlight and from the raprap-rapping noise that invaded her sleep. Her body felt stiff from the night on the hard wooden floor. She opted to rise toward the sound of the intrusion rather than remain on the flat bedding. A pile of sheets followed her as she stumbled to the entrance of the cabin. “What!” she growled as the knocking continued and she pulled the door open with impatience. “Hi.” Esther squinted. With the full sun shining into her barely opened eyes, she could make out the figure of one person—tall, lanky, and definitely in the way of her morning. He stood armed with tools and the supplies Esther had purchased the prior day at the hardware store. “What?” she asked again, shielding her eyes from the brightness. A low voice spoke softly. “I can go if you want; I just thought yesterday you said you needed help.” 96
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“Bobby?” she asked, suddenly feeling embarrassed for being so rude and self-conscious for being wrapped in nothing much more than a sheet. “That would be me.” He grinned and rose on his toes like a boy being picked for a game of kickball. “How did you find this place?” “Lady, I’ve lived in Providence my whole life. There ain’t much I don’t know about. Didn’t take much to find this place. Just followed the dirt road.” Esther gathered her makeshift robe tighter around her body, suddenly feeling exposed without being in control. “Can you give me a minute?” “That I can do,” Bobby answered. He turned his back, dropped the tools, and crammed his hands into his pocket as he shuffled around the front porch. He peeked over his shoulder and gathered the length of the covers in her arms. Esther pulled back and shut the door. She dropped the sheets and threw her clothes on from last night. She ran her fingers through her hair, hoping to smooth the long strands into something manageable. Seconds later she reopened the door and flashed a smile Bobby’s way. “Gee, you keep your word,” she said. “I really didn’t expect you to show.” “Why not? I’d be a fool not to help a pretty woman.” Esther blushed, feeling that it was too early in the morning to deal with that emotion. She quickly made conversation to hide the glow on her face. “I wish I could offer you some crawfy.” “Huh?” “Er, I mean cuppie.” “Excuse me?” “Damn it! I’ve got no coffee to offer!” Bobby beamed. “Ah! If there’s something I’ve learned from living with my folks, it’s that you gotta have caffeine in the morning to get 97
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you going. That’s restaurant logic. I’ve got a thermos full.” He turned and bent to pick up the tall silver bottle. Esther eyed his lean legs and muscular behind. A soft ripple traveled from her navel to her toes. She shifted to compensate for her weak knees. “I’ll let you in if you share,” she teased. “Uh huh. If you want some of my coffee, you’re gonna have to come out here with the real men. Besides, it’s a beautiful morning.” Esther pushed through the screened door of the cabin into the morning’s light. She stepped over the pile of tools and supplies and stopped at the porch’s railing. The sun found its way to her scalp and warmed her through and through. Bobby produced a thermos from his pile, and the two shared a cup of steaming black java. Esther took a careful sip of the hot drink and sighed. “Mmmm. Now that’s great coffee. Maybe my brain will work after a few more minutes.” “I hope so, because we’ve got a long day ahead of us, and it’s time to get started.” “You’re all business, aren’t you?” She hopped up on the railing and sat. The rickety boards shifted and so did her body. Bobby grabbed her arm with his free hand. “Careful! These boards aren’t too stable. I’d hate to see you out on workman’s comp so early in the morning.” She hopped down, his long fingers still wrapped around her arm. They both looked at his grip and stopped, silent. Bobby’s palm was damp. Esther trembled with anxious curiosity. They both wore a sudden hot blush. The heat rose to their ears and drowned out the sounds of their heightened heartbeats. Esther spoke to further disguise her nervousness. “Bobby, thank you.” Bobby released her and wiped his palm on his jeans without thinking. “Just trying to be the gentleman, ma’am. Wouldn’t want to see you 98
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hurt.” “No, I mean thank you for coming today. Not many guys would give up their Saturday to come work on an old run-down shanty.” “Well, the way I see it, I’m the one who should be thanking you, Esther.” “Why would you thank me for setting you up with hard labor?” “Hey, you got me out of kitchen duty on a weekend.” “The restaurant?” “Yep. The standing joke is that my parents didn’t name BJ’s after my father, Bobby John. They picked those initials to stand for Big Job. It’ll kill you in just a few hours. Hands, feet, and shoulders feel like you’ve lifted the weight of the world by the time you’ve served up a shift.” “Sounds like you just need someone to give you a good old massage at the end of the day.” “Is that your specialty?” “We’ll see how hard you work.” Esther tilted her head and cut her eyes at Bobby. She liked the back and forth they were engaged in. “Anything would be easier to serving up slop to hungry folk. People get mighty temperamental when their stomachs are on fire for food.” “I’d die for the opportunity to cook for the multitudes.” “I’ve died tenfold doing it. This tool belt is the only apron for me.” He patted the worn leather which wrapped his hips. “Give me hard labor outside in the sun any day over cooking. A handsaw is my paring knife!” He picked up the blade and raised it over his head with a mighty thrust. “Well, Mister Arnold, chop chop!” Esther stood, the coffee taking effect, the chatter lifting her higher. “Let’s get moving!” He bowed deep to his new queen. “Anything for you.” He rose slowly and winked at her. She nearly melted. There was an easiness about Bobby Arnold that she appreciated. He had a humble sexiness that made Esther overlook his backwoods ways. It was a simple manner 99
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that offered no pretensions, no apologies. His honesty was as thick and pure as orange marmalade on white toast. Esther looked forward to their day. On top of being with someone who was pleasant and kind, she was excited to be restoring the cabin. “So, what would you like for lunch?” she teased. “A few cups of water with a cracker or two?” He swiftly unbuckled his tool belt and dropped it to the ground, going along with her playful tone. “That’s it. I’m outta here.” He turned and walked toward the patch of woods. “Wait! I’m just kidding!” He swiveled back. “Okay, then, let’s see. How about fried chicken, potato salad, fresh biscuits, a pitcher of lemonade, and some lemon pie for dessert? Can you handle that?” “You bet!” Esther said, a newfound energy escaping from her heart and lips. “Then let me be, woman!” Bobby yelped. “I’ve got work to do!” He bent and picked up his belt and wrapped it around his hips. “Yes, sir!” she saluted. She skipped inside, grabbed her purse, and bee-lined it for the path to her car. She had shopping to do. A future hungry man waited.
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CHAPTER 18
The sun peaked through the venetian blinds in the cozy bedroom of the modest wooden house. The morning danced on Esther’s face and teased her until she opened her eyes to meet the new day. She sat up in bed and reached toward the window, moving the miniblind aside to greet the morning. The sun was shining through the trees, and the sky was an aqua blue, sparsely dotted with mounds of puffy white clouds. It was going to be another beautiful Saturday in Providence—no…in Paradise. Esther sighed a breath of contentment as she lay back down on the bed next to her husband. He rolled to face her. He reached over and brushed her face with the back of his hand and pushed her golden hair away from her cornflower blue eyes. Esther knew he loved her more than she ever thought possible. They were married October 31st in the middle of the Ocala National Forest. The handfasting was witnessed by no one but the bride and groom and their vows were recited in front of nature’s glory. A simple 101
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tie of the wrists with a worn knotted scarf and the two were forever bound to each other. She was officially Mrs. Bobby Arnold. Esther smiled with acknowledgement. She was comforted by his touch. He was a manly man, a bit backwoods in nature, but with a style all his own. Maybe that’s what attracted Esther to him. Maybe that’s why he was so special. He was masculine, yet innocent to the craziness of anything outside of Providence. No depth, but loveable. She remembered the proposal at the back of the hardware store when Bobby had been on break. He’d wrapped a small sapphire the color of her eyes in an empty box of nails. She’d been so taken with his excitement that she said “yes” on the spot. Esther and Bobby had been married for more than a year. They were trying hard to have a baby, but it just hadn’t happened. Esther knew the fact that she still wasn’t pregnant chewed at Bobby’s selfrespect and reinforced what Esther already knew. She’d never bear another child. Her first delivery had ripped her insides, and she could never conceive again. Bobby was a typical down-home farm boy, the kind that measured his manhood by the number of times he got his wife pregnant. Right now, he had nothing to measure. Esther knew exactly what Laney felt like. A barren womb burned in her pit and was comforted only by the fact that she had birthed a child years ago—the only child she’d ever have. “Mornin’, baby. You awake enough to give me a kiss?” Esther smiled and leaned forward, lifted her head to Bobby’s face, and teased him with a little peck on the cheek. She threw herself down on the pillow with a giggle. “Nah, baby, I said a kiss!” At that moment, with a sinister laugh, Bobby lunged toward Esther, grabbed her in his arms and rolled her on top of him. “Now, baby, let’s have it. Give me a great big southern style I’m-gonna-love-my-man kiss.” 102
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“For Nature’s sake, Bobby, didn’t you get enough of that last night? You just about wore me out!” She leaned forward and gave him a smooch despite her protests. “Now, can I go get us some breakfast?” “How ’bout letting this country boy get lucky and have a nice long Saturday morning roll in the sheets with his best girl?” “Didn’t I just ask you that? Didn’t you get enough last night?” “Awe, Esther, you know how bad I want us to have a baby. Like Jimmy and Laney. They look so damn happy all the time. I want us to look like that.” Esther’s heart fluttered pangs of sadness. Those words cut sharp into her soul. She grabbed the pillow next to her and pushed her face into it. But rather than hiding the laughs and ridicule of the past few minutes, she was instead shielding her shame and heartbreak. She tried to laugh to disguise her anguish, but she imagined it rang phony. “No, you don’t Bobby,” Esther forced a joke. “You just want to brag to your friends that you were man enough to take me down, poke me a few times and give me a baby. That’s all you want, and I know it!” “Yeah, well, get ready baby, cuz here I come again. This time, we’re gonna make us a junior.” “Okay, Bobby, but understand this. You need to make this really good, because when I crawl into bed tonight, I am going to sleep. Sleep… do you hear me? Sleep! And… don’t even think of waking me up in the morning naked, with a hard on, acting stupid, like some illiterate field hand, ready for love. I need a break! I just need some sleep.” “So be it, my little sunflower! I hope you have a lot of energy this morning, cuz I’m gonna make you wilt and beg me for more.” *
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Bobby held nothing back this Saturday morning. He caressed every inch of Esther’s body. He savored her neck and rubbed his unshaven 103
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face along her appetizing flesh. He could tell that the sensation of the stubble aroused her. Bobby was pleased with himself. He never understood how he got so lucky as to have this gorgeous creature all to himself. But, since he did, he was going to make the most of it and prove to everyone that they were a couple, a family, with a child. Bobby willingly slid his tongue down Esther’s breasts, sucking one nipple, then the other. He touched the one spot that Esther had shown him she liked. He knew this would drive her rowdy with yearning. He loved to see the reaction as her body began to twitch with enjoyment. He was going to make damn sure this morning that she was as sexually aroused—more so—than she had ever been with him. “You like this, baby? I want you to really like this, cuz I read about some of this in one of those girlie magazines up at the general store.” “Oh, God, you really are a redneck. You don’t need those magazines to please me. I love you for you.” “Yeah, baby, I know you do. I know I’m not the greatest lover, but I’m trying hard to change. I’ll do anything to please you and give you a baby. Anything.” Bobby inched down Esther’s petite and graceful frame. As his tongue glided to her stomach and onto her naval, he moved his head in a circular motion on her tight belly. He knew the sensation of his beard would continue to stir emotion in Esther’s body. Bobby’s hands remained behind continuing to massage and taunt Esther’s erect nipples on her large round breasts. “Getting’ ready are ya baby?” “Baby” is the last word I want to hear. I’m his baby, I gave away my baby, and he wants a baby. I can’t take the word “baby” much longer. For stars’ sake, Bobby, stop with the word “baby.” Esther verbalized her thoughts. “Bobby, if you say ‘baby’ one more time, I’m gonna explode!” Bobby replied with newfound confidence. “Yeah, I know, Esther, 104
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and that’s what I want you to do. Hold on, cuz this redneck is about to rock your world.” “Shut up; quit talking.” Bobby could feel Esther’s body counter his attention. He guided one hand down between her legs and tested her to see how wet she was. Wet, Bobby thought, but not ready. He moved both hands and slid them under her buttocks, pressing her body closer and soon deeper to his. Bobby repositioned himself and nibbled on the inside of her thigh, teasing her with his mouth, testing her with his tongue to see if she was any wetter. The sensation of Bobby using his tongue inside her made Esther scream with enjoyment. “Oh Bobby, you are different this morning! Geez, keep doing it.” He moved both her legs, knees up, feet flat and separated them. He placed his head between her legs and ran his unshaven face down her thigh to her ankles, then to the tops of her feet, and toes. He sucked her toes, digit by digit. “What are you doing, Bobby?” “I told you, Esther, I read about this in one of those magazines. I think they were right. I can tell you like it by the moans and sighs I’m hearing. By God, I think your lilly white ass is about to beg me. Aren’t you, Esther?” The sensation made Esther snicker as she felt her body flowing with need. Her body was talking to her. Her hips were lifting with anticipation. She was ready for him. “C’mon Bobby, don’t make me wait any longer. Take me. Take me now before I cum all over myself without you.” Bobby had been waiting all morning to hear the words “take me” from his wife. He looked up at her from her feet to her wet pussy to her breasts to that beautiful smile and tempting lips. 105
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“Nuff said, darlin, here comes your Superman.” Esther grinned. “Oh, Bobby, you are so silly sometimes. I guess that’s why I fell in love with you.” “Nah, baby, you fell in love with me because I’m so damn cute, and I swept you off your feet with my enchanting southern charm, and you knew I was hung.” “Right as usual lover, but now! For the gods’ sakes, do it. Do it now!” Bobby wasted no time mounting his wife. He was well endowed, but didn’t have a history of being the greatest of lovers. He had worked hard to change this. No more typical talk about it, poke’em-and-yourdone kind of guy. No sir, Bobby Arnold would never again be accused of no romance, just crawl on and crawl off. He was a new Valentino. A country Casanova. In the past it had been rare that Bobby brought Esther to ecstasy, to climax with a thundering crashing give-it-all-you-got orgasm. He had always gotten her ready; he could make her juices flow like a river, but he just couldn’t quite get her over the edge. He couldn’t get her to that moment of sweet release. But, today was different. Bobby was courting Esther. He’d been reading books and magazines on making love and he was trying new techniques to wow his wife. He thrust her with force and determination as though he never wanted anything in his life more than he wanted this woman. He aimed to please her down to her toenails until she screamed uncle. “You likin’ this, baby? You almost there? For Christ sake, I want you to get there with a shout, baby. I love you.” “Oh, Bobby, I’m almost there. Keep reading those books. This is the best!” Both Bobby and Esther’s body were wet with the sweat of anticipation. Bobby’s hair was matted to his scalp, his face was red and he was on fire. Her body was slick from the sweat of Bobby rubbing against her, stroking her, loving her. 106
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“This a good pace for you, my little sunflower?” “Bobby, shut up and just keep moving. I’m gonna be there any minute.” Esther could feel her body building, the sensation mounting minute by minute. She was as determined as Bobby was. She was going to get to the crescendo. “Hold me tight, Bobby. I’m gonna come with a vengeance.” As Esther reached release with a powerful and forceful orgasm, Bobby was elated to feel her pulsing against his rod. Unable to hold back, he released too, his orgasm taking over where hers left off. Each felt the other’s; hers pounding on his erect penis as he penetrated her; his releasing inside her with finality. Bobby rolled off Esther and stroked her hair with love and affection. He had never known a moment like this. So much love, so much satisfaction, so much joy. “Now,” whispered Bobby. “Let the baby bake.”
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CHAPTER 19
Present Day… The door to the cabin opened and in walked four men. One spoke respectfully. “We’re ready to move the deceased, ladies. I hope you don’t mind, but we’ve got to get the show on the road. We’ve got another wake to attend.” Cassie and Polly stood and stretched after their long talk as the attendants lifted the casket and proceeded out the door. In a few minutes they had placed the coffer in the long hearse and were driving off to the private plot. “This cabin held a lot of secrets for a lot of people,” Cassie stated. “I’m glad we were privy to the stories.” “Grammie Esther trusted us, Polly. She knew she could tell us anything and we wouldn’t tell anyone.” “Cassie?” “Yep?” 108
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“Why do you think Grammie made us swear not to tell Mom?” “I think she needed to vent to someone. I just don’t think she could tell Mom. That’s pretty heavy stuff.” “Yeah, but Mom deserved to know before we did.” “Polly, I don’t know why Grammie chose to tell us rather than Mom. I’m sure she had her reasons, though. It’s wrong of us to try to question her at this point. Besides, I’m sure we don’t know everything.” “Do you think it all happened for a reason?” “Of course!” “You sound so sure about that.” “I am sure. Look, if Grammie hadn’t been brave enough to give Mom up, Mom never would have met Dad. And if she hadn’t met Dad—” “I know, I know. They wouldn’t have had great sex and we wouldn’t be here.” “Cassie!” “Huh?” “Don’t talk about Mom and Dad having sex. Yuk!” The girls fell into laughter. “Hey,” said Cassie. “You wanna check out the silhouette?” She pointed to the floor in the middle of the room where the casket had stood. That very spot had been the center of many of Esther’s vivid tales. “You think Grammie Esther would mind?” “I think she’d be furious if we didn’t! She always said, check your stories out!” The twins stepped off the old rag rug and each grabbed an edge, lifted it, and dropped it a few feet from its original position. An outline of a body, wood tarnished a deep brown, shone glossy like polished maple. “Wow. This room saw a lot of people make a lot of love.” 109
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“What’s that?” Polly asked pointing to the edge of the silhouette. “I dunno.” Cassie stooped to pick up an envelope. The flap was sealed with a hard purple wax embossment. The letters EJA were imprinted in the wax. She turned it in her hands. There was no addressee. “Grammie Esther sealed this.” “Should you open it?” Polly asked. “I say yes. Grammie always said—” “I know: Take what you find as an opportunity of luck.” “Exactly.” “All right, lucky lady. Open it.” Cassie slid her fingers below the seal and it popped open. The girls jumped in surprise as the door to the cabin opened and in walked their mother. Cassie pulled her arms behind her back, discreetly hiding the envelope. “Here you girls are!” said Tammy. “We’re going to gather for lunch. Your father and I were hoping you’d join us.” “Uh, sure, Mom!” said Cassie. “We were just…” Polly piped in to save her sister’s story. “Er, reminiscing, Mom. We needed a little time alone to pay our last respects to Grammie Esther.” “Okay, my loves. There’s certainly nothing wrong with that.” She turned as if to leave and stopped in her tracks. “Cassie, whatever you’re hiding behind your back, you’ll eventually share with everyone. Family secrets are just that—the family’s.” “How did you—” She swiveled and smiled at her daughters. “Don’t sweat it. I saw you two through the window. Now, produce it.” She held out her hand. They obeyed and handed her the envelope. “Mmmm. It’s not addressed to anyone in particular.” She handed it back to Cassie. “Finders keepers,” she announced. The girls looked at each other and grinned. Cassie tore into the envelope and pulled out a letter. The handwriting was bent and crooked 110
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as if the author had struggled in writing it. It was a year ago on the night of Jimmy’s funeral. Cassie’s grin disappeared and her face went white. She dropped her arms and squeezed her eyes shut. Finally, she drew her arm forward and shoved the letter her mother’s way. “I can’t,” she said. “Mom, this is for you. It’s only right that you read it.” Tammy Jean’s brow creased in confusion. “Okay, if you insist.” She took the letter and began to read. Within seconds she wobbled and reached for the doorframe to steady herself. Polly grabbed her and led her to a chair, looking at her sister with confusion. Tammy drew her hand to her mouth as she continued her mesmerized reading. Every few seconds she would gasp and a small “oh” would escape her lips. When she was finished reading, she returned to the beginning and read again. Four times she struggled through the letter. Finally, she dropped the note to her lap. Her head hung low and her pent up tears began to flow until they dropped onto the paper. The girls could stand it no more. “Tell us! What does it say?” Polly demanded. Tammy pushed the letter from her lap and held it in mid air. “Take it; read it. It explains our lives in a few short sentences. It makes so much sense it scares me. I know all now. I know all. And what a great loss Grammie Esther’s death is. What a great loss.” Polly took the paper from her mother’s hand. She passed it to Cassie. “Read it, Cass. You’re the stronger of us. Read it to me.” Cassie sank down beside her mother and read the words aloud:
My darling girl, Tammy Jean, I have put off writing this letter for over fifty years. As I bury your father tonight, my soul is obligated to share with you 111
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the most painful secrets that I have kept close to my heart for what has seemed to me like eternity. But now I am finally free to reveal all that should have been yours long ago. Maybe fate has kept this secret at bay for a valid reason. If so, I salute destiny for its wisdom. Where do I begin? Know this: You have been loved beyond imagination. And you have had the opportunity to be loved by more than just one set of parents. You have had the love of an extra woman—your real birth mother—who, unfortunately was only able to love you from a distance, but who vowed that one day you would know deep, golden truth. That day is here now. The day your father and I were finally married was one of two happiest days in my life. The other day was the morning you were born. You were and have always been a vision of beauty. Deep green eyes and dark hair like your father. Shallow impatience and light spirit like me. A challenging but winning combination. What I will now reveal will be even more difficult to understand. But you are strong. You will survive the news. Your birth was difficult. Labor was long and excruciating. Fever almost took my life; a shallow birth canal and a twisted, strangling umbilical cord almost took yours. Fortunately, you survived. Your sister didn’t. Yes, Tammy. You, like Cassie and Polly, are a twin. Sadly, Thana did not live. She was too small and weak and waited for you to arrive first. 112
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You deserved to know this long ago. I just couldn’t find a way to tell you. I didn’t want to upset the scale of things. I hope you can forgive me. I will love you in the afterlife the way I should have loved you my whole life: Freely and honestly. Forever, Esther Jo Arnold Elrod
Cassie dropped her arms, still clutching the letter. “I can’t believe it,” whispered Polly. “I can’t either,” said Cassie, her eyes wide with astonishment. “I can,” spoke Tammy. A washed look covered her face. “Give me the letter,” she commanded Cassie in a monotone voice. “Are you all right, Mom?” Cassie followed her mother’s orders and handed over the note. “I’m fine. Fine.” She pocketed the letter and rose to her feet. “I’d like to be alone for a bit. You girls go find your father. He’s waiting up by the road. Go on ahead to the restaurant. I’ll be over later.” “Are you sure you’re okay?” Polly asked. “Go, please.” The girls eyed each other with concern. Cassie nodded her head toward the door. Polly followed her lead. They looked back only once as they made way down the path in shocked silence. Tammy was stunned. She swallowed to fight back tears. The mother she thought she’d lost years ago really wasn’t her mother. The friend she’d lost a few days ago was. The father she’d loved and trusted had kept a deep secret from her. And her status as an only child had been a lie as well. A thick, numbing sadness enveloped her body and brain. She felt like sinking as the feeling pulled her down like heavy 113
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quicksand. The shock of the news had stunned her senses. She wanted to cry but was parched. She wanted to sleep but was dazed. She wanted to run but was held hostage by an array of weighty emotions. She sank to the floor in a despondent pile. She looked around at the sandy floorboards and noticed the discolored profile in the wooden planks that encircled her body. Lethargy overcame her and she wilted to the flooring like limp spaghetti. She waited unable to move. Finally, the tears came. They were hot like the noonday. They rolled down her temples, into her hairline, past her scalp, and found their way to the dry floorboards. She cried for a sister who she’d not known she’d had and for a mother she’d not realized was hers. She cried for the angelic Laney who’d lived a lie for Tammy’s sake and for her beloved father Jimmy who’d accommodated everyone to keep the peace. She cried for Mo who’d have to live with her and this new knowledge, and she sobbed for her girls who would have to carry this history with them through time. When she had no more tears left, she turned on her side, her spirit empty except for the sting in her soul, a remnant of tragic loss. A wave of pain stabbed her chest. She flinched hard, a band of ache stole her breath, and she let out a muffled, congested cry. Seconds later, Tammy Jean’s heart broke.
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CHAPTER 20
She lay in stillness in a silhouette of eternal love and heart wrenching grief, in the same spot where her biological parents had conceived her, in the same place where she had lain one sweet night as a babe. Her heart was at a halt, her breathing stopped, and the heavy tug of silence dragged her deep into black sleep—the relentless kind that wouldn’t let go, wouldn’t allow turning back. There was no coming up for air. No springing out from behind a door. No forcing open the eyes. Only cruel gripping finality. Tammy traveled subconsciously, unconsciously to a place beyond dreams. She journeyed backwards in time from the birth of her beautiful daughters, Anna and Polly, to her many happy years with her husband, Mo, to her marriage ceremony to the man she loved with all her heart. Memories flashed over her body and flooded like molasses into her soul. She met with her father for morning coffee; she reveled in Reverend Tapley’s insights; she delighted in Esther’s distant but 115
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touching wisdom. Her life reared its meaning, and she was its prisoner to its reruns. Quite suddenly, the recollections were dumped straight down, into the depths of Tammy’s being, further than truth, deeper than regret, past the present and future, toward what is not known but is only believed to be in the end. Tammy found herself looking into the eyes of others who had passed before her. Was she in Heaven? In Hell? In a place somewhere in between? The first sight took her breath. She struggled to compose herself and fought back tears of joy. “You’re here!” she cried and reached out for her life mentor, Esther Jo. Exaltation flooded her. The view was soft white with haze, but she could make out the bright face of the old woman she had loved and believed in from forever. “And so are you,” was the return response. “Is this Heaven?” “If you wish it to be.” “I don’t see any angels. You know, the kinds with white wings and halos. Shouldn’t they be flying around? Shouldn’t there be trumpets? And golden gates?” “Your mind determines how high you fly and your heart how loud the symphony. And golden gates are but traps that dare your soul to climb.” “But Reverend Tapley—” “That old coot.” Tammy let out a pitchy giggle. “Yes, I guess he was—er, is.” “I don’t know what Anna saw in him.” “Anna and Reverend Tapley?” Tammy’s eyes grew wide. “An odd couple, don’t you agree? I tell her all the time how crazy she was for—” “You talk to Anna?” “She’s here just like I am.” 116
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“Unbelievable.” “Did you get the letter? Did you read it?” “I did.” Tammy lost her smile. “I loved you. I still do. Always will.” “I realize that now. I wish I’d known sooner.” Tears brimmed her lower lids as the bitter reality surfaced. “I would have loved to call you ‘Mom.’” “You knew I was more than an acquaintance; you knew when I married your father after all those years that there was something more. You just kept it at bay—hidden—like a silhouette.” “A silhouette?” “Like a soft shadow. The suppressed knowledge shaped your being, drew boundaries around what you really believed in, gave you your spunky profile, your impatience, your argumentative ways.” “That wasn’t very becoming of me.” “Says who? Your father’s chest swelled every time you flew in the face of reason! Every time you challenged Reverend Tapley in scriptural ballyhoo, or questioned the pasty logic of the townspeople, or squared off with Mo about how to raise Polly and Cassie—why, you knew who you were and where your roots began!” Tammy grinned imagining Jimmy Elrod’s rooster build throwing forward pride. “And me! Good gods, Tammy! You were every Wiccan woman’s dream! A child of grace, of talent, of spirit, of defiance! You were no paisley wallflower waiting for the sun! When the smallest of light gravitated toward you, you grabbed it! Tammy looked down blushing, knowing that genuineness was falling from this wise women’s lips. Tammy’s spirit ached with remorse that she had not been given a chance to relish in knowing that Esther, the Wicca, had been her mother. Death had robbed her of this. Ironically, death had also returned the privilege. Here she stood, face to face, with the mother who birthed her. 117
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“So now what?” Tammy asked, searching in circles with her eyes. “I don’t know what is next.” “Nor do any of us.” Esther sighed. “I think I can comfort you, though.” Tammy arched her brows in curiosity. “How can you offer comfort in such fog?” She looked around again, this time batting the mist with her arms. “I think this will still your qualms about where we are and why we’re here.” Esther turned, her front well hidden in the thick vapor. Tammy squinted, trying to see past Esther’s body. Esther wheeled around, a proud beam on her face. The old woman held a tiny infant, with a tuft of thick black hair on its small round head. The baby kicked and gurgled, content to be naked in the arms of the woman. “Meet Thana. Your sister.” Tammy stood unable to move. She gaped at the child, the information clearly not registering. “Thana?” “Yes, Tammy. Like I wrote in the letter—she died after you— tragically. And now—” “We’re reunited.” “It’s a blessing from the gods.” “May I hold her?” “Yes! Here. Take her.” Esther handed the child to Tammy. Tammy wrapped her arms around baby Thana and looked down at her lovingly. She felt a bond of steel. Tammy’s arms would never let go. She had found solace in a loss from the past that she never knew existed. The comfort of holding her sister filled an intense void. Tammy was whole. “Thank you…Mama.” Esther jolted and looked deep into Tammy’s eyes. The warm smile the words drew would forever be embedded in Tammy’s mind. Esther reached forward and lovingly pushed a lock of hair from over Tammy’s 118
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face. *
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Tammy felt the soft touch of Mo and the tickling of her hair across her face and stirred. “Tammy. Tammy?” Mo jostled Tammy’s shoulders until her body rocked back and forth and she roused. He had been trying to wake her for many agonizing minutes. He breathed a sigh of relief as she finally gasped for breath and her eyes fluttered open. Her heart sputtered then leapt a few dimensions and finally caught a steady although heightened beat. “Mo?” “Tammy!” He lifted her upper body from the hard floor and embraced her. “Are you okay? I’ve been trying to wake you forever.” She looked up at him, a placid gaze in her eyes. “I’m perfect, perfect. Just like a silhouette.” “What? A silhouette? Honey, you sound delirious. Maybe we should see a doctor. You’ve been through a lot today.” “I don’t need to see a doctor,” Tammy said. “I’ve seen all I’ll ever need to see. Ever.”
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MORGANA MACARTHUR Morgana MacArthur is the pen name for Dr. Dana Thomas, a woman who many say “does it all.” Her Scottish heritage inspired the nom de plume and has led to fascinating discussions on selecting the perfect pseudonym. Dana has been married to her biggest fan for 20 years and is mother of two teenage boys and an English Bully pup named Dozer. She is the former vice-principal of the seventh-best high school in the nation (Newsweek, 2000), and the current Associate Dean of Liberal Arts at Florida Community College at Jacksonville. Her vita reads long: a doctorate in educational leadership, a master’s degree in the same concentration, a second masters in curriculum and instruction, and a bachelors in Literature. Her personal and professional motto is “Be the cause of wonderful things!” and living by that axiom has resulted in her achieving great things. Despite her busy schedule, she makes time to do what she loves best: writing. As a past English teacher, Dana has taught writing at the middle, high school, and college level. Her first full-length, awardwinning novel, The Ditchwalkers, was published by Amber Quill Press in 2002, and is an addition to her varied literary contributions. An educator at heart, Dana’s doctoral dissertation challenged Florida’s controversial accountability system and its grading of Florida public schools. She presented her study, “F-Nicity: The Culture of Teachers in a Past-Failing Elementary School,” at the annual American Educational Research Association conference in Louisiana in April, 2002.
Following Gandhi’s advice, Dana believes, “We must be the change we wish to see in the world.” When not writing, Dana loves playing racquetball, listening to the sounds of Jimmy Buffett, grilling on the back deck of her Northeast Florida home, watching movies with her family, and dreaming about living in tropical paradise. In fact, that dream, coupled with recent vacations to the Western and Eastern Caribbean, was the catapult for her second novel, Tradewind Island, a tale about escaping the rat race. Fans can contact Morgana at
[email protected] and visit her website at http://bythunder.org/morganamacarthur. *
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Don’t miss The Ditchwalkers, by Morgana MacArthur, available now from Amber Quill Press, LLC Winner of the WordWeaving Award for LiteraryExcellence! Tammy Jean Elrod is a beautiful but impatient country girl who questions her mundane existence and her loyalty to her family, friends, and her small hometown in Florida. She battles with the religious constraints of the community’s only African American pastor, Reverend Tapley. She challenges the beliefs of the wise Wicca Esther Jo Arnold. And when her father helps her purchase a well-loved local restaurant, she questions her sincerity and ability to run a successful business. When Tammy meets a stranger named Mort Krisner, she has no idea how much her life will change. Through her relationship with Mo, a resident in Purgatory, Tammy falls hard for a man who, unbeknownst
to her, is dead. Tammy experiences hypocrisy, jealousy, and truth as she faces the uncomfortable clash of traditional Christianity, Wiccan ritual, and paranormal phenomena of the Ditchwalkers. This modernday story of the archetypal journey offers an irresistible mix—one that reveals people’s loyalty to relationships, religion, and occupation.
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