Shades Of Yesterday

Shades of Yesterday by Leigh Michaels Harlequin Romance #2997 copyright 1988, 2006 by Leigh Michaels all rights reserved Courtney Martin turns to Nate Winslow for help to finish college, because Nate was her father's step-brother. But it is Nate's son Jeff who resents Courtney and her influence on his father. And all the time, shadows are drawing close over Hearthstone B the shades of yesterday... CHAPTER ONE THE MAIL WAS FULL of bills again. Courtney could see the windowed envelopes peering out of the mailbox at her as soon as she climbed the porch steps to her apartment. It seemed to her that the first of the month was rolling around more and more often. She dropped her backpack full of textbooks in the front hall and flipped through the envelopes as she walked to the kitchen. Her room-mate was sitting at the kitchen table. She was wearing a terry bathrobe and slippers, and her hair was uncombed. Courtney glanced at the clock. It was almost two in the afternoon, and Debbie was supposed to be at work in an hour. It is not any of your business, she reminded herself curtly as she handed over Debbie's share of the envelopes. If Debbie can 't get herself to work on time, it is not your responsibility. You live with the girl because it is convenient to split expenses with a room-mate; you are not her mother. The young woman looked at the mail without interest. "Did you survive your exam? " "I did very well, I think. " She was a bit surprised; Debbie seldom showed any interest in Courtney's college courses. "Good. Now that your midterms are over, I can have my friends in again. I can't imagine why you want to suffer through any more school. It's not as if you're going to get rich teaching kindergarten, that's for sure. " "No, " Courtney said patiently, "but if I can hold out for one more year and get my degree, I'll have a job I love to go to every day, and that's worth a lot more than money. " "By the time you finish, you'll be the oldest kindergarten teacher in the whole city of Green Bay. " Courtney reached for a kitchen knife and began slitting envelopes. The first one she opened was the electricity bill, and she winced when she saw the balance. "Debbie, have you had any luck yet in finding someone to share the apartment with us? " Debbie shook her head and started to file her fingernails. "I haven't, either, " Courtney said. "And we're going to have to do something about it soon. It's been three months since Paula moved out, and paying half the bills instead of a third is putting a terrible dent in my bank balance. " It seemed impossible, she thought, that she could spend in a year what it had taken four years to save — without indulging in a single luxury. "Courtney, I've been meaning to talk to you... " What now? Courtney wondered. From the airy tone in Debbie's voice, it couldn't be good news. In the year she had shared an apartment with the girl, she had learned to recognize danger. "I can't pay my share of the bills this month. My expenses have been awfully heavy, and I haven't got a dime to my name. " Debbie was paying careful attention to her index fingernail. "The rent is due next week, " Courtney reminded. "Would you rather I had waited till next week to tell you? " Courtney swallowed her anger and asked bluntly, "Where are you planning to move to? " Debbie looked startled. "You can't mean you'd throw me out? You know how much I hate the idea of living with my parents. " "It's not a case of me throwing you out, Deb. If we can't pay the rent, neither one of us can live here. " Debbie looked at her in silence for a long moment. "All right, if you're going to be such a stickler about it, I'll be out as soon as I can get someone to help me move. But I think it's ridiculous. If you'd just take care of the rent this month, I'll pay you back when I get my next check. " For an instant, Courtney wavered. Everyone needed a helping hand sometimes, she thought. And at least if Debbie stayed, she wouldn't have the whole weight of the bills to pay — Don 't be an idiot, she told herself firmly. Debbie had asked for a loan before, and Courtney had never seen her money again. If she gave in now, she would end up paying all her own bills and Debbie's as well. She shook her head. "Sorry, " she said. But I don't have any money to spare right now, either. " "I don't see why you're being such a snip about it. You'll have to pay all the rent anyway, unless you can find someone to move in by next week. But since you're being difficult, I'll have my stuff out as soon as I can. " Debbie pushed her chair back. "I'd better get ready for work. I don't dare be late again, or McGuire will have my head. " "Don't forget, " Courtney said crisply, "that moving doesn't get you out of your half of the bills for this month. You did help use the electricity and water, you know. " "Don't you trust me? " Debbie flared.

Not as far as I can throw you, Courtney thought. She finished opening the stack of envelopes and was sitting with her elbows on the table, contemplating what seemed to be a staggering total, when Debbie came back. She was wearing jeans and the heavy shoes that her factory job required, but her make-up was perfectly applied and her hair looked as if she was on her way to a party. She paused in the doorway and said, with an air of helpfulness, "McGuire keeps asking me how you're doing, Courtney. I'm sure he'd find you a job if you want to come back to the plant. He is a supervisor, after all, and I think he's sweet on you. " She studied Courtney with frank eyes, and added, "Though 1 must admit I can't see why. You'd be attractive enough, if you took some pains with yourself, learned to use make-up, put a rinse on your hair to cover up those reddish streaks — " "Don't let me keep you from getting to work on time, " Courtney said coolly, without looking up. "I'm only trying to help, " Debbie said with a shrug. The front door banged behind her, and Courtney sank into her chair with a burst of bitter, helpless laughter. The really awful thing, she told herself, was that Debbie had no idea how impossible she was, how childish, how immature. It would be a relief not to have to live with the girl any more, not to see her belongings piled in the living room, her dirty dishes stacked in the kitchen, her clothes draped over every surface. It was almost worth the additional costs. "Almost, " Courtney reminded herself dryly. The fact was she had to find either a new room-mate or another source of income, or her carefully planned budget was going to go down the drain, and the dream that had kept her going for the past ten years would vanish into the mists of might-have-been. "It's not fair, " she muttered. "I've worked so hard, and so long, and now that I'm within shouting distance of my goal, this happens. " The apartment seemed suddenly small and stuffy, and she felt that if she stayed there an instant longer she would smother. She left the bills scattered on the table and went outside. The whispery breeze of an Indian summer day rattled the drying leaves on birch trees. Courtney didn't pause at the bus stop; she had no destination in mind, only a need to work off her frustration. So she walked, her heels clicking against the concrete, her eyes fixed on the pavement her shoulders hunched, trying to see a way out of this predicament. Finding another roommate would take time, as she had already learned to her regret. Now, she really needed two roommates — and there was no guarantee of how long it would take to find them. In the mean time, she would be spending money she could ill afford — money she had intended to live on for the next year. If she kept the apartment by herself, she would have to find a job, that was certain. Debbie had said she could go back to work at the factory, that McGuire would find her a place. Courtney shivered. She had been so happy to leave the hot, oily stink of the assembly line that she had celebrated for a week; and the very idea of going back made her want to cry. She had worked at the factory only because it was the best- paying job she could find, and she had lived frugally and pinched every penny, looking forward to the day when she had enough money put away to support herself while she finished college. To have to go back to it now, when she was so close to her goal — "You survived it before, " she reminded herself. "And you can do it again. " But she couldn't hold down a full-time job and take the heavy load of classes that she needed in order to complete her degree in one more year. She would have to go back to the old schedule of a class or two a term, the way she had started out. Her sensitive soul rebelled. At that rate, it could take years, and she was already twenty-six. "You'll be the oldest kindergarten teacher in Green Bay, " Debbie had said with thoughtless cruelty. Right now, it seemed that Debbie was right. Surely, there must be another way. If she could find someone to give her a loan — but most of her friends were on tight budgets too. She realized suddenly that she'd come out without her jacket. The October days were getting crisp, and the breeze that had been so pleasant when she first stepped outside now seemed to hint of winter lurking just out of sight. It seemed to slice through the loose knit of her sweater and chop her flesh into shivering splinters. She had walked a long way. Several miles, she realized in astonishment as she paused to look around; the soles of her feet burned as if in confirmation. And she was cold because she had just crossed the river that split the city of Green Bay into halves. The breeze was stronger and colder here, a northerly wind that was coming in from the bay. There was a little coffee shop on the corner. She turned in and found a dim booth in the back corner. "A cup of tea, " she told the waitress absently, and was startled at what she had said. Tea had been her mother's cure for all evils. "Whatever the problem is, " she remembered her mother saying, "you can think about it better after you've had a cup of tea. " Courtney grinned wryly. Well, Laura Martin, she thought, come up with the answer to this one, if you can. A cup of tea isn 't going to make a whole lot of difference, except that I'll have a few cents less in my pocket after I've finished drinking it. She sipped the scalding liquid, musing about how strange it was that childhood memories came back so strongly in times of trouble. She thought of her mother often, of course, the dark-haired, lovely woman Laura Martin had been in her daughter's childhood years. Her father Courtney tried not to think of at all; it hurt too much to remember him. She tried to laugh at her own foolishness. If I'd planned things well, she thought, I would have chosen parents who had bunches of wealthy friends. Then I wouldn 't have this problem. I could just call on a few people who owed

them favors and in a matter of minutes I'd have a loan — But there had been a person who fitted into that category, she reminded herself. Funny that she had forgotten all about him, till just now. A voice seemed to echo in her mind, the thin, reedy voice of Laura Martin just a couple of days before she had died... "He owes your father and me a favor, " she had said, her words sounding almost desperate in the starkness of the hospital room. "It happened years ago. The Winslows had money. It's the only thing I can give you, Courtney, the only thing I can leave to you — " Courtney had hushed her, frightened by the woman's tenacity and the toll that it was taking on her limited strength. "I don't need anything, " she had said. "But if you ever do, " Laura had insisted, "go to Nate. Go to Nate Winslow, and tell him who you are. " "Nate Winslow, " Courtney said thoughtfully, staring into her teacup. She had almost forgotten what her mother had said, in the anxiety of those last few days in the hospital, and she had certainly never tried to contact him, not even when her mother had died. Perhaps I should have, she thought. I wonder if he would have wanted to know she was gone... On a sudden whim, she beckoned to the waitress who had brought her tea. "Do you have a telephone directory? " It wasn't exactly a common name, she thought. If he still lived in Green Bay, it shouldn't be hard to find him. Not that she would seek him out, she told herself, but she was curious. There was only one Nathan Winslow. He was a lawyer, the listing said; it gave an address in downtown Green Bay, in one of the newer, more expensive buildings along the Fox River. If that was any indication, Courtney thought, Nate Winslow must still have money. She let the directory close. It was a little comfort, she thought, to know that there was someone out there who thought of her as Ted and Laura's daughter. It seemed to bring them back within her grasp... It was her father's voice that came out of the dim reaches of memory this time. Her father, furious and red-faced and shouting at Laura, which he never, ever did. "What do you mean, suggesting I go talk to Nate Winslow? How dare you suggest that 1 beg him for help? " "It wouldn't exactly be begging, " Laura had said quietly. "He did offer to help us once. Perhaps he feels he owes us something. " "I take care of my own, " Ted Martin had shouted. "And I don't need any help from that shyster! " Courtney had tuned out the rest. The words he used had meant nothing to her; she had been only a child, and it was the first time she had ever heard her father swear. After that, she never heard Nate Winslow's name again, until the day years later in Laura's hospital room, long after Ted had died. She had thought about it sometimes, for she had been a solitary child, and she loved a mystery. She had turned it over in her mind and constructed a dozen different reasons for her father's unaccountable anger, each longer and more complicated than the last. Then, with the possibilities finally exhausted, she had put Nate Winslow from her mind. She smiled a little, remembering in faded snatches the fantasies she had constructed. In her favorite one, Nate Winslow had been a cackling old man who had tried to snatch an infant Courtney from her parents' arms so he could turn her over to a royal family who wanted to make her a princess. She had loved that fantasy; she had been deliciously torn between loyalty to her parents and the wistful longing to be someone important. "What an imagination, " she muttered. Now, with the objectivity of adulthood, she knew that the quarrel had had nothing to do with her. Perhaps Nate Winslow had simply got the best of her father in a business deal. She understood Ted Martin well enough to know that he had been quite capable of holding a grudge over something like that, whether or not there had been any reason to think himself cheated. In any case, whatever had happened, it didn't matter to her. Ted Martin was long gone, and Courtney needed help. If this was the same Nate Winslow, and if he really had felt that he owed her parents a favor all those long years ago, perhaps he would be willing to make her a loan now. Astonished at her own temerity, she flicked through the pages of the telephone directory again and scribbled the address into her pocket notebook. The office was only a few blocks away, and it was still mid-afternoon. If she was lucky, Nate Winslow would be in his office. She didn't stop to think that she was hardly dressed for an interview with a prominent lawyer until she was actually inside the office suite. Then she paused, her scuffed running shoes sinking into what felt like a foot- thick royal blue carpet. She stood holding the heavy walnut door, so perfectly balanced on its hinges that it could be pushed open with a single finger, and wished that there was a gracious way for her to back out. The receptionist had just pushed a button on her telephone console. "Winslow, Anderson, Percy, and McLean, " she said. "One moment, please; I'll connect you with his secretary. " Her voice didn't betray surprise, but her eyebrows had shot up at the sight of Courtney. Apparently, Courtney thought wryly, Nate Winslow doesn 't get many clients who came in wearing jeans. The whole office breathed quietly of money, from the polished wood of the receptionist's desk to the subtle art on the walls. There were no clients waiting in the comfortable chairs, but Courtney didn't doubt that there was no shortage of people willing to pay for the services to be found here.

A door opened across the room, and a couple came out. Courtney glanced up and half nodded, her judgment confirmed. That pair would have no trouble paying for legal counsel, she thought. The woman's understated make-up only emphasized the gorgeous lines of her triangular face under the coal-black hair, and there was a hint of pearls beneath the deceptively simple neckline of her, silk blouse. The brown-haired man beside her wasn't handsome, but he had the self-assured bearing that said he was something to be reckoned with. He had tossed a raincoat across his arm; he must have money, Courtney thought, or he wouldn't treat an expensive coat with quite that casual attitude. And his suit was a sedate navy pinstripe that certainly hadn't come off the rack. She could almost have laughed at herself. As if I'm an expert on people with money, she jeered. "May I help you? " There was an undertone that suggested the receptionist's doubt that Courtney was in the right place. "I'd like to see Mr. Nathan Winslow, please. I don't have an appointment, " she said, before the receptionist could ask. The woman blinked, and Courtney could almost see the effort required to summon up the necessary tact to dismiss this upstart, who dared invade the sacred premises of Winslow, Anderson, Percy, and McLean without an appointment. "I'm afraid Mr. Winslow is not in the office today. " I shouldn 't be disappointed, Courtney thought. It was ridiculous to assume I could walk straight in to talk to him. "Then I'd like to make an appointment, " she said. "Does he have an opening tomorrow? " The receptionist's eyes flicked over Courtney from head to foot. "I really don't think — " she began. "Tell me, " Courtney said, with only a trace of sarcasm, "does Mr. Winslow know that you pre-select his clients? " The low-voiced conversation between the couple crossing the reception room died, and the man paused. "Are you having a problem, Dorothy? " he asked. "Not really, sir, but — " The receptionist sighed. "The young lady wants to see Mr. Nathan. " The man turned towards Courtney. "Mr. Winslow is retired from the firm. He no longer sees clients at all. " "But his name is still on the door. " "It's standard policy. Perhaps one of the other attorneys could help you. " The expression in his brown eyes made it clear that he doubted she could afford the service. He reached for the woman's elbow. Courtney took a step towards him. "Then could you tell me how I could contact Mr. Winslow? It's not business, actually, I'm the daughter of an old acquaintance of his. " He looked at her closely, then, as if searching her face for some clue. "A female acquaintance, no doubt, " he said dryly, and took another step towards the door. Courtney was puzzled. "Well, yes. My mother was Laura Martin, " she said uncertainly. What difference could it possibly make to this man? she wondered. He paused in mid-stride. Then, very quietly, he said, "I'll have to take care of this, Veronica. Will you wait for me? " Courtney thought, Veronica — I'll bet nobody dares to call her Ronnie! She caught the tiny flash of sulkiness on the woman's face; she didn't think the young man did. "If you'll come into my office? " he was saying. He led her through a small anteroom where a secretary looked up with surprise, and into a large office paneled in golden oak and lined with law books, with a window that gave a glimpse of the bay. There was no plaque on the door. Of course not, Courtney thought. We're far too high-class for something as gauche as engraved brass name-plates. I wonder if he's Anderson, Percy, or McLean. He doesn 't look old enough to be a full partner, though — don 't lawyers always have grey hair before they reach that pinnacle of success? He gestured to a chair, tossed his raincoat over a table, and sat down on the corner of a well-polished desk. "So you're Ted Martin's daughter? I beg your pardon; I thought you might be — someone else. " He didn't sound sorry, she thought. "Miss Martin — or are you married? " She shook her head. He looked as if that was the answer he had expected, she thought, and a little flicker of irritation kindled deep inside her. I might not be as elegantly dressed as the woman out there, she thought, but how dare he assume that I couldn 'tpossibly be as attractive to a man as she is? "What is your business with Mr. Winslow? " He seemed irritated, she thought. That made them even; the very fact that he'd asked the question made her angry. But there was no point in alienating him, so she chose her words carefully. "I wanted to tell him — well, my mother is dead, and she told me that I should talk to Mr. Winslow. " "I am not surprised. " He stood up abruptly. "I will certainly give Nate the message, Miss Martin, but in all honesty I must warn you that you aren't likely to receive an invitation to visit him. He rarely sees anyone these days. " "But I just wanted to — " "If he wishes to see you, I'll be in touch. " He had dismissed her as if she were a bothersome child, Courtney fumed, and he was standing at the door, his hand on the knob, obviously waiting for her to leave. She reluctantly got to her feet, and then paused. She smiled at him as sweetly as she could manage, and said, "Haven't you overlooked something? You can hardly get in touch when you haven't even got my full name and phone number. " The consternation in his eyes told her that he hadn't intended to say anything to Nate Winslow at all. She scribbled the information on a page torn from her pocket notebook, thrust it at him and walked out with her head high. Veronica was sitting on a leather couch reading a magazine; her dark eyes glowed maliciously bright. "Well,

that was quick, " Courtney heard her say to the young man. "You're so wonderful at handling troublesome people. " "Goodnight, Mr. Jefferson, " the receptionist said, with a note of relief in her voice, just as the heavy door closed behind Courtney. Courtney stood for a long moment in the plaza outside. The wind from the bay was growing even colder, but she didn't feel it whipping through her hair. The weak sunlight of an autumn afternoon trickled between the clouds and sparkled on the river. Young Mr. Jefferson, she thought, had called it a day rather early. She supposed that Veronica's presence was ample explanation for that. So Mr. Jefferson didn't want her bothering Nate Winslow, she thought. He certainly didn't intend to pass on that bit of paper; he had probably already thrown it away. But why? What harm could it do if she talked to Nate Winslow? And if she asked him a favor — well, the man could say no, couldn't he? The young lawyer must have confused her with someone else, she thought, someone who had caused trouble in the past. Yet, she reminded herself, he had known her father's name. And she was positive she hadn't told him that. She straightened her shoulders and headed for the nearest branch of the public library. There was more than one way to find Nate Winslow, and she wasn't about to stop looking because of one lawyer. DUSK WAS SETTLING over the city when she swung off the bus and headed west into one of the best residential neighborhoods in Green Bay. Astor Park was no longer the most fashionable place to live, but old money had built these houses, which were set far back from wide avenues on lawns blanketed in falling leaves. The house she sought was almost dark. It was built mostly of stone, and it looked solid, but not as large as some of its neighbors. Dim lamps glowed on the gate- posts, and a matching pair lit the front entrance, refracting off the leaded glass panels that surrounded the massive front door. But the windows were dim, and she was unsure if she was seeing lights from within, or merely the last stray beams of sunlight reflecting at unexpected angles. At the last moment, she almost changed her mind and turned back towards the bus stop. "What have you got to lose? " she scolded herself finally. "Maybe you'll be doing the man a favor by telling him what his young partner is saying about him. " Before she could lose her nerve, she pressed hard on the doorbell. The door swung open silently. She would not have been surprised if it had creaked eerily, like a haunted house. The man who stood inside was white-haired, expressionless. He looked down his nose at her without a word. Courtney said, her voice a little shaky, "I'd like to see Nathan Winslow, please. " The man bowed a little, stiffly. "Mr. Winslow does not see chance visitors, madam. " Well, Courtney thought, that certainly puts me in my place. "I'm not exactly a chance visitor — " "Are you an invited guest? " "Well, when you put it that way, no. But I'm the daughter of an old friend of his. " She remembered the response the young lawyer had made to that statement, and how it seemed to have won her a bit of credibility and added firmly, "A woman friend. " The man's eyebrows went up a hair, but he made no comment. "Your name, miss? " She told him. Before she could add her mother's name, the door shut abruptly in her face. "Well! " she said. "1 always thought a properly trained butler invited a guest to wait in the hall while he asked the master of the house if he was at home. " She hugged her arms around her and wondered what to do next. The door opened, with less dignity this time, and a much younger man said, "If you'll step inside for a moment — Miss Martin, is it? " Courtney did. The hallway was warm, and she wasn't about to turn down any opportunity to plead her case. But once inside, she looked the young man over and said, "You can't be Nate Winslow. " He smiled a little. "No, indeed, Miss Martin. I'm Mr. Winslow's nurse. He simply doesn't see guests any more, you understand, because his health does not permit. " Is the man senile or something? Courtney wondered. That would explain why no one wants me to see him. The butler crossed the hallway silent-footed, carrying a silver tray that held a cut-crystal decanter and a single glass, and slipped through the half-open door of a large room. Courtney could get only a glimpse, but that was enough; there was a polished brass chandelier in there, with the bulbs turned down to a mere glow, and a rug in the old, dim, jewel colors of a real Persian carpet. She turned back to the nurse. She thought, Do they let senile people drink whisky? Surely not. "I'm certain he would be very disappointed at not seeing me, " she said finally. "My mother was a friend of his. " The butler came out and crossed the hall again, without the decanter and tray. "Her name was Laura Martin. I'm sure if you tell Mr. Winslow that Courtney Martin would like to see him — " The male nurse looked sympathetic. "I am sorry, " he said again. "But I'm afraid — " An odd humming noise filled the hallway, seeming to echo off the vaulted ceiling. Courtney didn't recognize the sound. The nurse darted an uneasy glance past her, towards the half-open doorway. A voice spoke behind her. It was low and rusty, with a harsh undertone. "Why don't you tell him yourself? " Courtney jumped and turned. For an instant, she thought the voice had come from nowhere; then her eyes dropped to a figure in a motorized wheelchair. The old man in the chair pushed a control, and the humming filled the hallway again as the chair advanced across the marble floor. Courtney was speechless. I shouldn 't be shocked, she told herself. They said he was ill. But it wasn't just the wheelchair that surprised her. It was the way his face was lined, like a relief map of rugged mountain terrain. He looked as if he had lived a hundred years and borne a great deal of pain. In contrast, his shoulders were broad and his arms looked powerful under the dark blue velvet of his smoking jacket. But she kept coming back to his face, and the eyes

peering out, bright and curious, from the deep lines. He looks like the wreckage of what was once a magnificent human being, she thought. So you're Laura's little girl, " the man said. He bit down on the stub of his cigar as if he'd like to chew it into fragments. Courtney nodded. She couldn't say anything. His eyes were distant, and his voice had a husky edge as he said, "I wondered if you wouldn't turn up some day. " CHAPTER TWO THE male nurse said, "Mr. Winslow, I thought you said — " Nate Winslow chewed on his cigar while he looked the young man over from head to toe. Finally, he moved the cigar from his mouth and said, pleasantly enough, "Atwood, do you think I'm too feeble to handle this young lady? " The nurse colored. "No, sir. But Mr. Jefferson said — " "Damn Mr. Jefferson, " the old man said politely. Courtney giggled. It was so simple, so straightforward, and so precisely what she would have liked to say that she couldn't help herself. She instantly tried to turn the sound into a cough, but the old man had whisked the chair around and was staring up at her. "Do you find that amusing, young woman? " It was almost a bellow. You've landed yourself in it properly now, she told herself. "Well, yes, sir, I suppose I do. " He grinned suddenly. "I hate toad-eaters, " he confided. "That's why I never could abide your father. Atwood! Take yourself out of here; the young lady will keep me company for a while. And tell Loring to set another place for dinner. " "Oh, I didn't intend to — " Courtney protested. The old man interrupted ruthlessly. "If you must burst in on a man without invitation, you should do your best to make the visit convenient for him, " he pointed out. "I don't allow anything to delay my dinner. Eating is my major pleasure these days, now that so may others are denied me. And you look as if you could stand a good meal yourself. " He didn't wait for an answer. "We'll have a drink first. Atwood! What are you still standing around for? " There was no doubt that it was a bellow this time. The nurse muttered something under his breath and vanished down the hail. Nate Winslow smiled in satisfaction and turned the chair back towards the room he had come from. It was a cozy study, its shelves crammed with books of every size, color and condition. A fire crackled brightly behind a screen and threw fantastic shadows into the corners. "Help yourself, " he said, and waved a hand at the silver tray on the low table in front of the fire. "I see there's only one glass. Damn fool, that butler of mine, " he complained, and reached for the silver bell on the table. "He never thinks ahead. " Courtney didn't remind him that the butler could hardly have predicted a guest. "Don't call him, " she said. "I really don't want a drink. " "Well, I do. " He picked up the decanter and held it for a moment, staring at her. "Sit down, girl, so I can see you properly. It gives me a pain in the neck to look up at people all the time. Try that chair. It used to be my favorite one, before I ended up in this contraption. " Courtney perched on the edge of the overstuffed leather chair. It was close to the fire, and the warmth soaked pleasantly through her jeans and sweater. She braced her elbows on her knees and gazed unflinchingly across at her host. He looked very debonair in his velvet smoking jacket, she thought, with the glow of the firelight seeming to reflect off the satin collar. If it weren't for the lines of pain in his face, and the chrome framework of the wheelchair, almost hidden under the quilted lap-robe, it would be hard to believe that he had any handicap at all. He poured his whisky and drank it neat. "You've got your mother's eyes, " he said unexpectedly. "It's a pity the rest of you doesn't look like her — Laura was a remarkably lovely young woman. But Ted always messed up anything he was involved in. " Courtney looked into the fire, watching as the glowing embers seemed to pulse with life. Nate Winslow's eyes were bright and almost beady. "Aren't you going to snap at me for insulting your father? " "No. " Courtney kept her voice level. "Both my parents are dead. I can't think that your opinion of them matters now. " The fact that she seldom defended her father's memory was none of his business. "Dead, are they? " His voice was softer. He poured another glass of whisky and sipped at it. "I'm sorry to hear that. " She shrugged. "It was a long time ago. " Nate Winslow's eyes narrowed. "Then what brings you to Hearthstone, if it isn't to tell me about your parents? " She bit her lip. I'd never realized, she thought, how hard it is to come straight out and ask someone for money, when you 've never seen him before. He turned towards the fire. "Did you want to see if the old man was really as evil as your father said he was? " "He didn't say anything like that. " He sounded disgusted. "Ted never did have the courage to say what he thought. " The accusation stung, even though deep in her heart Courtney knew he was correct. "All right, " she said. "If it makes you happier to know it, he said you were a shyster. " He chuckled, long and low.

She felt ashamed of herself for rising to the bait, and struggled to find safer ground. "You have a beautiful house, " she murmured. "No credit to me. My father built it for his second wife. " "What did you call it? Hearthstone? " He nodded. "The crazy woman loved fires. She thought a proper family should sit every night by a roaring blaze and pop corn, play games, pull taffy. She was a pioneer at heart. " He sounded impatient. "How wonderful. " Courtney's voice was lazy, slow. It had been so long since she had been part of a family at all, and even then, she thought, it hadn't been a warm circle — the Martins had been more like an upended triangle. He grunted. "Fortunately for the rest of us, she put a fireplace in every room — so we didn't have to sit by the same blaze. At any rate, she called the place Hearthstone, and it sort of stuck. " "It's a wonderful name, for a beautiful house. " "It's a damned expensive relic, " he said gruffly. "It ought to be a museum. " But Courtney thought she heard, under the bluster, a note of fondness, perhaps even of pride. "So what does bring you here, Courtney Martin? " he asked finally. "You've been dodging the question. " With Nate Winslow, she was quickly learning, the direct route was usually the most effective. She raised her head and looked straight at him, her big brown eyes glowing in the firelight. "My mother told me if I ever needed help to come to you, " she said coolly. She expected the announcement to startle him, but he didn't even blink. "Legal help? " "I'm certainly not in trouble with the law! " "Then it must be financial, " he mused. "Ted never did have any sense when it came to money, and Laura hadn't much more. They left you nothing. " It was a not a question. "That's right. " Suddenly she was ashamed of herself; it sounded as if she was demanding something she was owed. "To tell you the truth, " she said, "I don't even know how close your friendship was with them, only that Mother said — " "Friendship? I wouldn't call it that, exactly. " She thought she could hear her own breathing in the quiet room, harsh and rasping over the crackling of the embers. Had she walked into some sort of trap? Dammit, Mother, she thought, why didn 't you tell me what the favor was? She licked her lips nervously. "How well did you know my parents? " "They never told you the details? " It was a lazy murmur. She shook her head, afraid to hear what he was going to say. There was a wicked gleam in Nate Winslow's black eyes as he raised his whisky glass. "I knew your father better than I ever wanted to, my dear. You see, the crazy lady I was telling you about — the one with the fireplace fetish — had a son from her first marriage, just as my father did. Ted was my step-brother. " Courtney shook her head a little. "So that's why the two of you hated each other. " "I think hate might be putting it a little strongly. I found Ted too amusing most of the time to actually hate him. He may have hated me, though. I was two years older, and I must admit I wasn't very kind to him some times. " "Which, translated, " Courtney murmured, "means you tormented him like the devil. " Nate grinned. "Something like that. He could be relied on to react badly, and I had a weak spot for waiting to find out how far he could be pushed. What happened to Ted, anyway? " "His business failed when I was sixteen, " Courtney said crisply. "He invested the last of the petty cash in a Saturday night special, and he used it to blow his brains out. " She didn't know what she expected from Nate — shock perhaps, or horror, or regret for his own childish persecution. But he merely shook his head, and said, "Ted was never a strong person. That result could have been predicted, I suppose. I'm sorry if it hurts your feeling Courtney, but I don't intend to pussy-foot around the truth. " Somehow, the matter-of-fact response soothed her far more than any amount of sympathy could have, and for the first time in ten years she felt a stirring of understanding for her father's weakness. "Laura, on the other hand, had enough will-power for any two people, " Nate said. "I'm surprised she let him jump the track like that. " "I don't think he could bear to tell her, " Courtney said. "Mr. Winslow — " "I don't imagine you'd be any more comfortable calling me 'Uncle Nate' than I would be to hear it, but can't we compromise on something besides 'Mr. Winslow'? I am the head of the family. " She was startled. He was correct, but it felt a little strange, after she had spent so many years alone, to find that there was someone who might be interested in how she got along. "I'm not surprised that you're hesitating, " he went on, "considering my opinion of your father. " She realized that she had quickly grown accustomed to his bluntness, and that she even liked it. While Nate Winslow's description of himself wasn't a picture of charm, at least the old scoundrel was honest. It was a quality that attracted her. "Shall we talk about you, instead? " Nate went on. "Ted spoiled enough meals for me when he lived here. No sense in letting him ruin another one now. What have you been doing with yourself for — what, twenty-two years? " "I'm twenty-six. " He seemed startled. "Good lord, has it been that long? " The butler came in, soft-footed. "Dinner is served, Mr. Winslow, " he murmured. There was an edge to his voice. "What's the matter, Loring? " the old man asked slyly. "Was there a scramble in the kitchen to accommodate

my guest? It's good for you to get a surprise now and then. It keeps you all on your toes. " He wheeled his chair around. The small quilted blanket that covered his lower body caught on the corner of the table and slid from his lap. Out of the corner of her eye, Courtney saw that the old man's legs looked thin and almost withered under the brightly printed pajamas, in sharp contrast to the well- developed muscles of his shoulders and arms. Then the butler snatched the blanket up and quickly spread it back in place. Nate Winslow fussed until it was tucked in just right. Courtney, who had intercepted his quick, worried glance at her, became very absorbed in the fire. So the man still had his pride, she thought. And perhaps all of his blustering and bellowing was only the natural reaction of a powerful man who had suddenly found himself helpless and dependent on others, and who was trying to conceal how much he hated it. I wonder, she thought, just what put him in that chair, and how long he's been there. If dinner had been hastily stretched, it wasn't apparent in the dining-room. The soup that the butler set before Courtney was a thick, creamy vegetable chowder that sent pleasant warmth radiating through her whole body. The main course was steak, an excellent cut of meat cooked precisely to perfection, and so tender that it could have been cut with a butter knife. She sat to the old man's right at the long table. Flames flickered from crystal candlesticks that flanked a centerpiece of yellow and bronze dahlias arranged in a golden bowl. The tablecloth was heavy creamy linen, and the china looked old and fragile. Nate sliced his baked potato open and looked around for the butler. "Mrs. Loring forgot my sour cream again, " he said. "She says, sir, that with your cholesterol level, you shouldn't eat it. " Nate put his fork down. "My cholesterol level, " he said in a mild roar, "is none of her affair. I can't think why my employees are so worried about my health! " He seemed to be addressing the beams in the ceiling. "Perhaps, " Courtney murmured, keeping her gaze fixed on the dahlias, "they're attached to you because you treat them with such kindness and humanity. " Nate choked with laughter, and the butler blinked at Courtney, with an expression that might have been respect lurking in his eyes. No one, he seemed to be saying, got away with saying such things to the master of Hearthstone. "More likely it's the money, " he said. "Do you have any idea what it costs to hire help these days? And look at the thanks I get. They slip around behind my back arranging things to suit themselves, and then when I put my foot down they look at me as if I'm a bad-natured bully. " He turned to the butler with exaggerated politeness. "My dear Loring, would you request your good wife to send in some sour cream for my guest's potato? It doesn't look to me as if Miss Martin has any reason to be concerned about cholesterol. " "Yes, sir. " The butler went out. "But I don't like sour cream, " Courtney murmured. "That's all right, " Nate said briskly. "I promise you it won't go to waste. Now, young woman, it's time for you to earn your dinner. Tell me all about yourself. " She did, and where the details she provided didn't satisfy him, he asked questions. Before she knew it Loring set a dish of nuts and a crystal platter of fruits and cheese on the table, poured their coffee, and withdrew, closing the heavy doors behind him. By that time there was little that Nate Winslow didn't know about her, right down to her reasons for choosing teaching as a profession and her feelings about working on the assembly line. She pulled a couple of grapes off the bunch and ate them. "Have I been entertaining enough to earn my dinner? " For a moment he seemed not to hear her. Then, absently, he said, "You've answered one question, at least. " "I thought I'd answered every one that could possibly be asked. Is that how you handled witnesses in the courtroom? " "It's your mother you take after, " he said. "Does nothing get you down, young woman? " He pulled the dish of nuts closer, selected one, and cracked it between his hands. "Of course, it seems to me you're a little like your father when it comes to money. There are easier ways to make a living than being a kindergarten teacher. " "And there are more important things in life than getting rich. " He merely grunted. "And though you haven't come straight out and asked, you came here tonight because you want me to loan you some money so you can finish school. " Courtney nodded. "If I could just borrow enough to live on for a year, I'll start paying it back as soon as I get a job. " He was shaking his head. "I make it a rule never to loan money, " he said briskly. "Oh. " That, Courtney thought blankly, made absolutely no sense at all. But at least he'd come straight out with his refusal, and it was obvious from his matter-of-fact attitude that he wasn't offended by her asking. She pushed the fruit plate away. "Well, thank you for listening to me, at least, " she said. "I did come only because I wanted a loan, but I've enjoyed myself. May I come back to see you some time? " He grinned. "You've got your mother's class, Courtney Martin, " he said. She interpreted that to mean she would be welcome to visit him again. "I don't suppose you'd know what the bus timetable is at this time of night? " He shook his head. The lack of information didn't seem to bother him. At any rate, Courtney thought, she'd had a good dinner out of the deal; she shouldn't complain.

"Don't run off, " Nate complained. "I said I wouldn't make you a loan. I didn't say I wasn't willing to help. " "A little ready money to pay the rent seems to be my most pressing need, " Courtney said dryly. "You aren't going to get cash out of me, young woman, so you might as well stop trying. " Courtney was offended at the very suggestion. She sat up straight in her chair and debated whether she should just walk out without a word. "I will pay the money back, " she said stiffly. "And it's not as if I'm living in luxury. " She couldn't help looking around her at the contrast between Hearthstone and her apartment. He nodded, as if he was in complete agreement. "That's why I don't see any sense in investing money in rent, " he said. "There's plenty of room here at Hearthstone. You may as well move in. " Courtney blinked. "Why? " she said baldly. "Because I'm the head of the family, " he said. "Would you have expected Ted to pay your rent, under the circumstances? Or would you have moved back home? " "You're not my father. " "If Ted hadn't let his pride go to outrageous lengths, I'd probably have been your guardian. It's the same thing. " "I'm too old for a guardian. " "And you're too damned stubborn for your own good. " He waved a careless hand. "It's up to you, of course. You said you wanted help; I'm offering it. If you're too proud to accept it, that's not my problem. Just remember that your father's pride killed him. " She swallowed hard. It had been a rotten thing for him to say, and yet she couldn't deny the truth of it. "Take it or leave it, Courtney. " "I still don't understand why you would want me to live here. I practically had to break in to even see you! " "Do you want to know why I stopped going out and letting anyone come here? Too many people remember the way I was five years ago, before a patch of ice on the highway outside of Iron Mountain, Michigan, put me in this chair. " So it had been a car accident that had crippled him, she thought, and cut him off from the world. "I can stand anything except being pitied, " he went on. His jaw was set and his eyes were fierce. "There are worse things than losing the use of your legs. Remember that, my dear. Now, what's your answer? " What answer could there be? she thought. If it didn't work, she could always look for a smaller and cheaper apartment. At least she'd have a place to sleep in the meantime. And if it did work — She glanced around the dimly lighted dining-room, at the gleam of old silver and linen and crystal in the candlelight, and thought that there were more kinds of nourishment than just calories to fuel the body. Just as important was food for the soul, and Hearthstone was rich in that. I could sit by the hour, she thought, and just look at this place. "I'd love to live here, " she whispered. "Then it's agreed. Shall we shake hands on it? " The dining-room door opened as they sat there with fingers clasped. There was an instant of dead silence, and then a male voice said from behind them, "This is certainly a touching show of affection. " Courtney jumped and pulled her hand away; she had recognized that voice. Nate didn't bother to turn his head. "And who invited you in to watch? " he asked. The young man from the lawyer's office circled the table and braced his hands against the back of a chair across from Courtney. He stared at her with a challenge in his eyes. She glanced at her watch and was horrified at the time. They had sat over dinner, she and Nate, for nearly three hours. The young lawyer heard her gasp. He smiled grimly and said, "Yes, I'm sure it is time for you to be getting home. " Nate leaned back in his chair. "I'm glad you're here tonight, Jeff, " he announced expansively, 'so I can introduce you to Courtney. " "We've met, " the young man said stiffly. "I threw her out of the office this afternoon. " He turned to Courtney. "I did tell you that I would check with Nate and let you know if he wanted to see you. You shouldn't have barged in here. " Before she could do more than draw an indignant breath, Nate said, "Courtney has found herself in some financial difficulties, so she's moving into Hearthstone tomorrow. " The young man looked thunderstruck. "Whose brilliant idea was that? " he demanded. "As the head of the family, " Nate said in a pontifical tone, "I feel it my responsibility to look after her. " The young man's brilliant brown eyes rested on Courtney. "She looks perfectly capable of taking care of herself, " he announced. "Are you sure this was your idea, Nate? " "Have you ever known me to be taken in by a distress story? " "Only when it suits your purpose, I admit. Aren't you a little old to be trying to make the neighbors talk by installing a young woman in the house? I know you've been making noise lately about needing something to amuse yourself with, but frankly — " The young man's level gaze was assessing, and unflattering. Courtney gasped. "How dare you suggest that I — " Nate released a bark of laughter. "Good heavens, girl, what kind of people have you been hanging around with? The same sort Jeff knows, I gather. I certainly didn't mean that sort of amusement — I'm long past all that. Though it might be fun to hear what the neighbors have to say. " "They will say that you have finally become senile as well as paralyzed, " the young man announced.

"That, " Courtney told him, "was unnecessarily cruel. " "Why? It's true. Or hasn't Nate told you yet that he can't bear to be pitied? " Nate chuckled. "Oh, I knew this would be as good as a party, " he said, almost to himself. "I haven't even finished the introductions, and you two are already coming to blows. " "I told you, we've met, " the young man said impatiently. "Then indulge me while I make it official, " Nate snapped. "Courtney, I'd like you to meet my son, Jeff. He's Thomas Jefferson Winslow, actually — his mother insisted, against my better judgment. " Courtney said, before she could think better of it, "Well, that certainly accounts for his lack of manners. He inherited it honestly. " Jefferson Winslow gripped the back of the chair till his knuckles were white. She was reasonably sure that he'd rather have had his hands around her throat. "That's what I like about you, Courtney, " Nate said with delight. "You're a woman after my own heart. Don't you think she's precious, Jeff? That's why I invited her to move in here. " It was only then that it actually began to sink in on her. The arrogant young lawyer who had refused to let her even talk to Nate really was his son? And she had agreed to move into Nate's house? Well, she thought, it's apartment-hunting time. "Don't you think it would be wise to cancel that invitation, Nate? " "1 may be in a wheelchair, Jefferson, but I am quite capable of making up my own mind. And since you never spend any time around Hearthstone these days, I have to entertain myself somehow. You've got nothing to say about it. " The young man's eyebrows rose a fraction. But surely, Courtney thought, he couldn't have been surprised at that outburst! She thought, herself, that the old man had been more restrained than usual. "What time tomorrow shall I expect you, Courtney? " Nate asked blandly. She was still watching Jeff, and wondering what he was thinking. It occurred to her that she knew very little about Nate Winslow, and most of that he had told her himself. Just what was she jumping into, anyway? "Perhaps I'd better reconsider, " she said finally. Jeff's grip on the chair relaxed. He flexed his fingers. "That's the most sensible thing you've said yet. " Nate grinned at her. "Ignore Jeff, " he suggested sweetly. "But if you decide not to move in, let me know where you'll be living. I'd hate to lose touch, now that we've finally found each other. Why don't you drive Miss Martin across town, Jeff? Perhaps she'll change her mind when she discovers you're not such a bad guy, after all. " "Are you ready to go, Miss Martin? " Jeff Winslow asked coldly, and she nodded miserably. If I could only talk to Nate alone, she thought. But obviously Jeff Winslow wasn't going to allow any possibility of that. Not tonight, at any rate, and maybe never again. She caught a glimpse of the two of them in the pier mirror as they crossed the entrance hallway, and she was uncomfortably aware that she looked particularly awful next to his immaculate tailoring. She was certainly no competition for the gorgeous Veronica. Courtney's dark brown hair needed styling, and her clothes were old; comfort had mattered far more than fashion this morning, when she had left home to take her exam. Was it only this morning? she thought incredulously. It felt as if she had lived a year since then. "Loring, I'll need my coat, please. " "You're not going out again so soon, Mr. Jefferson? " The butler sounded upset. "You could call a cab for me, " Courtney offered hope fully. "I'm sure it would be worth the fare to you to get rid of me a bit sooner. " "Surely you don't think I'd pass up the opportunity to talk to a captive audience without Nate's interference? And don't expect Nate to come up with the cash — he's not a gentleman, and it's no use expecting him to behave like one. Loring, Miss Martin's coat as well, please. " "I didn't have one, " she admitted. "I left home in a bit of a hurry today. " His car was a little silver Mercedes. Yes, she thought, the Winslows had money. It negotiated the narrow driveway with ease and swung out on to Monroe Avenue. She told him the address of her apartment. He nodded. "Why did you leave home in such a rush? Was the boyfriend beating up on you or something? " "Of course not! And in any case, it's none of your business. " "Yes, it is. It's my father who's suddenly thrown his cap over the windmill and presented me with a pseudo-cousin I don't want. Inviting you to live at Hearthstone — good God, the man's lost his mind. " "I told you I was reconsidering. " "Only because I turned up. " "That goes without saying, " she said irritably. The lights on the drawbridge across the Fox River turned red, and the bridge deck began to rise to allow a tall-masted pleasure boat to pass up-river. "Damn fools to have a boat out at this time of night, " Jeff muttered. "Did you think you'd found a helpless old man to prey on? He would have been safer game if that was true. " "How dare you imply that I'm trying to con him? I asked Nate for a loan — " "I'm not surprised. " "And he refused. " "Best sense he's shown all year. " "If you would just let me explain what happened — " "And then you suggested that you move into Hearthstone. "

"I didn't suggest anything of the sort! And if you're implying that I tried to capitalize on the family relationship —" "It's a pretty thin connection, if you ask me. " She plunged on, trying to ignore the interruption. "1 didn't even know there was one. I had no idea the darned house was built for my grandmother. Besides, if your father wants to help out a — a pseudo-cousin, as you call me, what in the name of heaven has that got to do with you? " He turned and stared at her. Courtney was looking straight ahead, fighting to keep her lips from trembling. For a moment there in the dining-room, it had all looked so perfect, she thought bitterly. It had finally looked as if she might be getting a good break for a change. Now this. The bridge settled gently back into position, but the little silver car did not move. "The light changed, " she pointed out finally. "Or are you going to dump me here and make me walk home? " "Look, " he said. "How about if I buy you a drink somewhere, and we talk? " "Why bother? " Courtney said bitterly. "Because, " he said, "I begin to think that the sly old fox might have been right. For all the wrong reasons, of course, but having to deal with you might be just the medicine he needs. " CHAPTER THREE A CAR HORN BLARED behind the Mercedes. Jeff Winslow didn't seem to notice; he was still watching Courtney. "You're blocking the traffic, " she said. "We could sit here and talk, you know. " There was a chorus of shrieking horns. Courtney shifted in her seat to look at the line-up behind them. "My goodness, you resemble your father, " she said tartly. "You each have unique methods for getting your way. I'd love to have a drink with you, Mr. Winslow. " He smiled at her and put the car into gear. It was a very attractive smile, complete with an engaging dimple in his right cheek. Some men, Courtney reflected, would have looked ridiculous wearing that dimple — baby-faced or simply silly. On Jeff Winslow, it only contributed to a rakish kind of charm. He should smile more often, she thought, and then reflected that if he only smiled when he got his own way, it wasn't likely that she'd see much of it. And who cares? she asked herself crossly. Step- cousins they might be, but she would probably never see Jeff Winslow at all after tonight. "As long as we've agreed to have this talk, " she said. "I'd really rather have it in private. Why don't you take me home and we'll talk there? Coffee might be safer, anyway. " He looked dubious. "My room-mate will be home by midnight, " Courtney said tartly. "That's less than an hour, and I can't possibly compromise your reputation in such a short time. " He laughed. "All right. But if you try to lock me out, I'll stand on the pavement and shout till I've had my say. " The apartment was dark. Courtney turned on every light within reach; she would face the electricity bill later, but she was not going to have a romantically dark living-room tonight. In the bright light, the room looked drab. The walls were almost bare, and in spots there were cracks under the battered white paint. The only bit of unique decoration was the wooden cigar-store Indian in the corner. The apartment was scarcely a restful place, but she had got used to it over the months. Funny, Courtney thought, how one evening's exposure to a house like Hearthstone could make her so dissatisfied with her own surroundings. "Isn't it unhandy for you to get to the university? " he asked. "It's miles from here. " "Yes. But the campus in unhandy from any place in this city, so it doesn't make such difference where I live. And this is cheap. " "I should hope so. " He followed her to the kitchen. It had never looked worse, she thought, and sighed. It was Debbie's week to clean, and of course the girl hadn't bothered. It was apparent, from the scathing look that Jeff cast around the room, that he hadn't missed a thing, from the dirty pans piled in the sink to the empty pizza box on the corner of the table. But he didn't mention the mess. "You can begin by telling me why you need a loan, " he said. She wondered if that was his courtroom tone of voice. "You're the one who wanted this conversation, so you can be the first to bare your soul. " She knew she was being childish, and she didn't care. She didn't owe Jeff Winslow any explanations, and it wasn't like her to drag her troubles out for inspection by a perfect stranger; it surprised her that she'd talked so freely to Nate. "I'm six-feet-two, " he drawled. "I weigh one-eighty five, I play racquetball at the YMCA on my lunch hours, and — " his voice had a ruthless edge " — I am not the one who's asking for a loan, therefore I see no reason to bare my soul. " She thought about that for a minute, while she spooned coffee into the pot. "Are you implying that you might loan me the money? Because your father won't, you know. " "You can never tell what I might be moved to do. " She looked in vain for two clean cups and finally started to wash some. "It would be the most reasonable thing for you to do, " she pointed out. "Then I wouldn't have to live at Hearthstone, and Nate wouldn't be bothered with me. " "I've already figured that out, thank you. What interests me is why Nate turned you down. What did you offer him as security? "

"I haven't anything but my promise, " she admitted frankly. "But he wouldn't have loaned it to me no matter what collateral I offered. He wants me to live at Hearthstone. " She looked up at him with honest puzzlement in her eyes. "And you say you don't want to. " "It's not that, exactly, " she admitted as she dried the cups. "I'd love to live there. Anybody would. But I don't understand why he wants me. He's got you — " Jeff shook his head. "He seems to think I've been ignoring him. And I admit I don't spend much time with him. I've got my own life, you know. " She wasn't surprised at that; Jeff could hardly entertain the luscious Veronica under his father's roof. "And you don't feel guilty about it? He is your father, after all. " "He could have plenty of visitors if he had been decent to them. Why should he depend on me? " "But doesn't anyone visit him? " "Not many still try, after a few times when he refused to let them in. " "Perhaps he's regretting that, now that he's driven everyone away. " It was a pensive comment. Jeff looked a bit skeptical, but Courtney refused to be embarrassed into silence. "He might not even realize it himself, but he could just be tired of sitting there alone. " "And what would you suggest be done about it? " Courtney shrugged. "I don't have any magic answers. But you could suggest to the butler and the nurse that they stop protecting him quite so efficiently. Make him decide for himself, every time someone comes to the door, whether he'll see them. After a while he might realize that he isn't being pitied, after all. " "You make it sound so simple. " She suspected that, under the serious tone, he was amused. "It would be easier if you lived there, " she said. "He could hardly forbid you to have guests, and unless he locked himself in his room, he couldn't avoid running into them sometimes. " "That's true, " he said. "I'll think about it. " "And then he wouldn't need me for company. " "You're working yourself out of a sure thing, " he warned. "You could make me that loan out of gratitude. " He shook his head. "No. Now that I've thought about it, I've decided that if loaning you money is too chancy for my father, it's certainly not the thing for a stodgy investor like me. " "But — " She bit her lip. She hadn't expected any other result. Why should Jeff Winslow feel any sympathy for her plight? "So much for the idea of making connections with my long-lost family, " she said bitterly, and poured their coffee. He looked into the cup as if he expected it to infect him. "You're no family of mine, Courtney Martin. You're a self-assured young woman, aren't you? " She felt the color rise in her face. "I've always taken care of myself, but at the moment, I need a little help. You're leaving me no choice, you know. " He folded his arms across his chest. "This begins to sound more like blackmail than a business deal. If I give you the money, you'll leave my poor, sick father alone. And if I don't? " "Then I've got no alternative but to move into Hearthstone, " she threatened. "So if you don't want me living there — " He started to smile, and Courtney stumbled to a halt, vaguely aware that she must have made a miscalculation somewhere. "Your first mistake, " he said smoothly, "is in assuming that Nate is a poor, ailing man in need of protection. I don't believe any such thing; I think he's quite able to take care of himself without me standing guard. If he changes his mind and throws you out, as I've an idea he might within a week, then I've won a complete victory — there will be no Courtney in the house, and I won't have any money tied up in a so-called loan, either. " He looked into his cup again and set it aside untouched. "I'm placing my bets on Nate. When do you plan to move in? " "I WILL STARVE TO DEATH, " she fumed as she tossed restlessly that night, "before I will have anything more to do with the Winslows! " She would gladly spend the rest of her life on the assembly line, she told herself, breathing the hot, oily stink of the machinery, a smell that soaked into clothing, hair and pores, clinging till it seemed it could never be removed — "Well, maybe not gladly, " she said. "But I'll do it. " She would work two shifts a day, and she would give up school altogether, rather than live on the charity of that heartless, unsympathetic, cold-blooded young man with the dimple! She sat up in bed and flipped her pillow over to the cool side. Perhaps she was going to extremes, she thought. Jeff Winslow would have nothing to do with it; it would be Nate's charity that supported her at Hearthstone. "And that, " she told herself stoutly, "is nearly as bad. " After all, she reminded herself, she had been raised to be self-sufficient. How many times had she heard her father say that the Martins depended on no one? "And look what that philosophy did for him, " she reminded herself bitterly. Morning brought no solution. She was up early and staring out of the kitchen window when Debbie came in, yawning. "You're making enough noise this morning to wake the dead, " she complained. "Sorry, " Courtney said crisply. "Couldn't sleep. " "Well, if that's the way education affects people, I'm glad I'm not in school. Give me the assembly line any day — it's not glamorous, but it's good money, and when you've put in your hours, you're done. "

Courtney turned from the window and stared at her. How, she thought, can anyone be content with so little? I want — I need — work that brings satisfaction, not just money. I can 't bear to go back to that assembly line where there isn 't even the hope of a different future. The telephone rang just then, and Debbie grabbed for it. With a gleam of curiosity in her eyes, she handed it to Courtney. "It's a man, " she said, in a stage whisper. "I do know a few, " Courtney said tartly. "I even have a date now and then, if you'll remember. " Debbie sniffed. It was Nate. "When can I expect you? " he demanded. "Jeff said you had a good talk last night and straightened everything out. Not that it makes a bit of difference, of course. He's never around, so he's got nothing to say about it. " And if I'm lucky, Courtney thought, Jeff will stay even further from Hearthstone in the future. "My rent is paid through next week. " Nate made a noise that might have been a snort. "Just bring what you have to have and come out today. " It sent a pang through her tender heart; the old man was so very lonely. He added airily, "Jeff will help you move the rest later. " Recklessness seized her. Why delay, when she had decided to burn all her bridges? Besides, she thought, waiting would only give Jeff a chance to mess every thing up. "All right, " she said. "I'll be there this afternoon. " "Great. I'll tell Mrs. Loring you always have bacon and eggs for breakfast. " "And you'll tell Mrs. Loring I have a cigar to follow, I suppose, " Courtney agreed. She was laughing when she put the telephone down. Debbie looked at her suspiciously. "If I didn't know better, I'd think that you just agreed to move in with a man, " she said. "You'd be right. " She saw the look of astonishment in Debbie's eyes, and relented. "Nate's my uncle. Sort of. " "If you think I believe that, " Debbie said sarcastically, "you've gone off the deep end. And what's Mrs. Loring supposed to be? His pet poodle? " *#* *#* *#* *#* *#* HEARTHSTONE IN THE late afternoon of a drizzly October day was every bit as beautiful as she had expected it would be, Courtney decided as she slid out of the taxi and looked up at the house with a feeling of wonder. Loring greeted her politely, if not warmly, and paid off her taxi. She followed him into the house, protesting that of course she had intended to pay the cost herself, and he said firmly that he had only been following Mr. Nate's orders. Before she could recover her power of speech at this unexpected chivalry, the butler was halfway up the long, curving, marble stairs with a suitcase in each hand. She gathered up her dressing-case and backpack and followed hurriedly along. He showed her into a big bedroom at the back of the house, an oyster-white room with a huge, carved canopy bed. She was breathless with delight. "Mr. Nate is napping, miss, " he said, "as he does every afternoon, so you needn't be in a hurry to get settled in. If there is anything you would like, there's a bell here, just beside the door. Mrs. Loring or I will answer it. " She laughed a little at the idea of Courtney Martin being able to ring for a servant. "I don't think you need to worry about me over-using it. " Loring allowed himself a tiny smile. "Yes, miss. Would you like me to bring up a tea-tray for you while you unpack? " "Oh — no, that would be a lot of extra bother for you. " "No trouble, miss. But if you'd prefer, I'll serve in the drawing-room at five. " He bowed slightly and left the room. As the door closed behind him, Courtney heaved a sigh of relief. she didn't feel, somehow, that she had made a very good impression. Tea in the drawing-room at five — good heavens! She kicked off her shoes and wriggled her toes in the soft oyster-colored carpet. What luxury, she thought. To have a room like this of her very own... There was a window-seat with cushions covered in a paisley print of jade green and teal blue, and a pair of jade chairs were pulled cozily to the fireplace, with a low table between them. The chairs matched the color of the ceramic tiles that surrounded the fireplace and formed the hearth. The mantel was a deeply carved piece of oak. The walls were covered in oyster linen, forming a pleasant background for a couple of restful landscapes. The bed hangings matched the walls, but the thickly quilted coverlet repeated the paisley print. A small Queen Anne desk was nestled into a corner; when Courtney poked into the drawers she found pens and pencils and a supply of heavy writing paper, with "Hearthstone" engraved on it in delicate script. She explored all the switches, being careful to avoid the one Loring had pointed out as the bell. One of them, she discovered, controlled a tiny adjustable spotlight placed inside the canopy. "Whoever decorated this room likes to read in bed, " she concluded with delight. "How very thoughtful! " She opened a half-hidden door and discovered a compact dressing-room with a wall of closets and a glass-topped table with a lighted make-up mirror. Beyond it lay a bathroom lined with oyster and jade green tiles, with fluffy teal blue towels laid out ready for use. She could have hugged herself in sheer enchantment with this wonderland. "I could get used to this kind of living in a hurry, " she told herself. "And I'd better be careful — because it isn't going to last forever. "

Slightly chastened, she went back to the bedroom and began to unpack her things. Her clothes fitted neatly into less than a third of the closet space, and the books she had brought fitted on the shelves above the window-seat with plenty of room left over. "Let the empty space help you remember that this is temporary, " she ordered. "You'll be here a year — maybe a great deal less, and certainly no more than a year. " Jeff Winslow was convinced that she would be packing her bags again within a week, she reminded herself. She might be only a whim, and if that was so, Nate might quickly tire of having her around. And even if he does, she told herself stoutly, I'll always have this to remember. She went downstairs and wandered into the formal living-room, where a bright fire crackled. She sat down in a wing chair nearby and watched the flames. When Loring came in a few minutes later with a laden tea cart, she was half asleep, with her cheek nestled against the soft cut velvet upholstery. She sat up with a start. "It's quite like old times to see you sitting there, miss, " the butler said softly. "Your mother used to love to sit before the fire and have her tea. " He wheeled the cart into position beside her chair. There were two cups, she noticed with a flicker of relief. At least he hadn't gone to all this trouble just for her; Nate would soon be coming in. "Did my mother come here often? " she asked shyly. The butler blinked, and then said, with the tiniest trace of surprise in his voice, "She lived here, Miss Martin. " She wanted to cry in embarrassment. Then she raised her head proudly. After all, she thought, it isn 't my fault that I didn 't know. "She was married from this house, you know, " Loring went on. "She had no family of her own, and so she came here to stay with Mr. and Mrs. Winslow until the wedding. It kept us all busy, with a bride in the house, and Mr. Nate and his family home from the East — Mr. Jefferson was just about four, and a sweet little boy he was. " What a pity that couldn 't have lasted, Courtney thought. Jeff Winslow — a sweet little boy! She eyed the glitter on the cart, and panic began to set in. She hadn't the vaguest idea what all that china and silver was for, but she was certain that it must have a purpose, or it wouldn't be there. And should she pour herself a cup of tea, or wait for Nate? What was the proper thing to do? I know an awful lot about child psychology, she thought, but I wish the university offered a course in negotiating high society without making a fool of yourself... "Yes, those were wonderful days, " Loring mused. "Would you like me to pour your tea, miss? " "Yes, please, " she said gratefully, and tried to look bored as he deftly juggled strainer, waste bowl, and milk jug. He handed her the cup and saucer and retreated noiselessly. So my mother liked to sit here, she thought as she sipped the delicate brew. She felt closer to Laura than she had in years. Her parents had not talked about the days before she was born; Courtney had never noticed the lack, before. The door opened, and she looked up with a smile to greet Nate. Then the warmth died out of her face. "Oh, it's you. " "What a charming greeting. " Jeff crossed the room and held his hands out to the fire. 'The reservations you felt last night about moving into Hearthstone seem to have dissipated rapidly. " I am not going to take the bait, she thought. He's hoping that I'll snap at him just as Nate comes in and make a fool of myself in front of his father. Surely, if I bite my tongue and refuse to fight, he 'll eventually quit. She smiled and said sweetly, "Shall we attempt to be civil to each other, Jeff, for your father's sake? " There was a glint of surprised appreciation in his eyes. "Very well, " he murmured. "Civil it is. Is the weather a safe enough topic for you? It's a beast of a day out there — the kind when a blazing fire and a cup of tea are the most welcome. " "Loring might bring you a cup, if you ask him nicely. " He glanced at the cart. "You've an extra there. " "That's Nate's. " "Not unless he's broken the habit of twenty years overnight. He never comes downstairs in the afternoon till the tea cart has been removed. " Courtney raised her cup to her lips. The soft fragrance of the brew didn't smell nearly so good, all of a sudden. "Do you mean Loring did all this for you? " He looked at her sadly. "That hardly sounded civil, my dear. But I'll forgive you the lapse, this once, if you'll promise to be more careful. " Courtney was beginning to regret ever suggesting that they try to be polite. It was already apparent that Jeff was better at it than she was. "I am addicted to cream cakes. " He selected one and leaned against the mantel, basking in the warmth of the fire. "Besides, Loring likes to spoil me, and I like to indulge his games. " "Yes, he told me what a sweet-natured child you were. " She was proud of herself, it didn't sound in the least sarcastic. Jeff's eyebrows went up. "Loring is above gossip. " "Call it what you like. He certainly told me. " "That makes your second conquest. " He savored the cream cake and wiped his fingers on a napkin. "I can see I'll have to beware of you, or you might be after me next. " She bit her tongue, hard. There was a gleam in his eyes, as if he knew quite well what she would have liked to say. "Did you have any trouble moving all your things? " She smiled sweetly. "Not at all. I couldn't move everything by myself, of course, but Nate said you'd be delighted to help me with the rest. Could we do it this weekend, perhaps? There isn't much left; I think it should all fit

in your car. " That got him, she thought, and congratulated herself. His hand had paused in mid-air, right above the cream cakes. Then he smiled sweetly and said, "What are families for? " Courtney felt a bit ashamed of herself. "Look, I'm sorry I ragged you about that last night. We're not family, and we needn't embarrass ourselves by telling anyone that nonsense — " "Oh, yes, we do, " he interrupted. "Why? You can't want to claim me as a cousin. " "Pseudo-cousin, " he corrected. "But if you think I'm going to tell people that Nate simply picked you up off the street, you're crazy. " "Who's being uncivil now? " she asked defensively. "Besides, no one would believe that, anyway. " "Of course they wouldn't. They'd think I'm the one who brought you here. One Don Juan in the family is enough; I don't care to get the reputation for myself. " "People would think you're a Don Juan? Because I'm living at Hearthstone? Why would they — " She paused and sucked in a long breath, and then said coolly, "You don't just drop by for tea now and then, do you? " "No. I live here. What on earth are you getting irate about now? Surely you don't think I fold up into a drawer in my office at night. " "You said you couldn't force your father to meet your friends because you didn't live here. " Jeff shook his head. "You said that. I was being polite, so I didn't interrupt you to correct your assumption. " "You pick the strangest times to practice your manners! " "I think you had a very good idea, by the way. I'm going to start bringing people home more regularly. Nate might hide out from them, but at least all my friends will see that you and I are not precisely snuggled up in a love-nest here. " "Love-nest! " Courtney gasped. "As if I could find any thing about you that would be attractive enough to tempt me — " "Well, " he said with untroubled good humor, 'so much for our experiment in being civil to each other. I think we might as well go back to telling the truth, don't you? " "Absolutely, " she said between gritted teeth, and had no idea of how to go on. There were so very many things she would like to say to this arrogant and unlikeable young man. "Of course, " he added blandly, "I'll continue to be polite to you whenever Nate is around. " "Don't trouble yourself. " "I'd advise you to make an effort to do the same. I promise not to be fooled by your good behavior, if you'll overlook mine. " She uttered a furious little groan and stared at the embers glowing on the hearth so she didn't have to look at him. A couple of moments later she began to regret her hastiness. "Jeff, " she began, huskily. "I am sorry. I must have sounded as if I thought you had no right to live at Hearthstone! I only meant — well, I was startled, and — " "And so you struck out at me. " His voice was almost tender, and she looked up at him in shock. His fingers brushed softly against her hair and then dropped to her shoulder, where they rested briefly in a friendly, warm caress. From the doorway, Nate said in satisfaction, "Well, it's nice to see you two getting along so well. Hasn't Loring got that cart out of here yet? What's the holdup? " Jeff's hand slipped unhurriedly from Courtney's shoulder. "I think he suspected that Courtney and I were enjoying it too much to let it be removed just yet. " He didn't sound startled at his father's sudden, appearance. Of course, Courtney thought. He'd heard Nate coming, and so he'd put on a show. He had warned her not to take it seriously, she reminded herself. "Well, he can take it away now. " The wheelchair hummed across the room. "Wouldn't you like a cup? " Courtney asked. "Never drink the stuff. Cocktail hour has now officially begun. " He stabbed at the button that rang the bell. Courtney said, gently, "What a good thing it is that you don't care for tea. " "It is? " Nate sounded suspicious. "Yes. " She studied a plate and selected a tiny bread and butter sandwich. "Too much caffeine is terrible for you. I'm sure Mrs. Loring has told you that. " There was a long instant of silence before Loring came in with the decanter on the silver tray. There were three crystal glasses this time. Nate looked at Courtney under furrowed brows, and said, "I believe I'll have tea instead this afternoon, Luring. We'll need another cup. And make sure your good wife hears about it. " The butler nearly let the tray slide from his hands. "Yes, sir, " he said finally. Courtney looked up at Jeff and was satisfied; his jaw had dropped. Then, with an effort, he said, "There's a clean cup already here, Nate. " Nate's bright eyes inspected it. "Aren't you indulging yourself today? " "Only in cream cakes. Courtney didn't offer to pour my tea. " He sounded sorry for himself. "That, " Courtney said, "is absurd. You are certainly capable of pouring your own, or asking — " "Didn't your mother ever teach you manners, Courtney? " Nate didn't sound particularly disturbed. Jeff looked content, as if he had got his revenge. Courtney was furious. "Apparently, " she said icily, "she didn't think I would ever need to know that! " "I wanted something to do, " Nate said. "I can see I have a job ahead of me, teaching you how to get along in

the world. " "You? " Jeff said rudely. "You are going to teach Courtney the finer points of being a lady? " "Don't you think I can? " Nate asked. "Oh, you've certainly spent enough time in the company of women. The question is whether they were ladies. " "Well, what I don't know, Mrs. Loring will, " Nate announced. "I don't suppose she's got decent clothes, either. " Courtney had thought till that instant that her old heather tweed slacks and matching sweater were perfectly adequate. But Nate's tone left no doubt about his opinion. She looked down and realized that the slacks were beginning to bag at the knees, and that her sweater had a sad catch in the elbow. She felt suddenly shabby and out of place. Nate fretted, "I wonder where a lady buys her clothes in Green Bay these days. " "T. J. Bannister's, " Jeff murmured Nate's eyebrows soared. "And how would you know? " Jeff blandly ignored the question. "It's expensive, but it would be worth it, in the circumstances. " Courtney could almost read his mind. He would like to say, she thought resentfully, that dressing her satisfactorily looked like a job for the experts. "I can choose my own clothes, " Courtney said. It was a relief to finally get her voice back; she'd been sitting there like a dressmaker's dummy while they discussed her shortcomings. "Without anyone's help. And if you're afraid I'll embarrass you in front of your friends, Jeff, just warn me before they arrive, and I'll hide in my room so I won't contaminate them! " "That's a wonderful idea, " Nate said. "I don't mean hiding in your room, of course; I meant meeting Jeff's friends. Some of them are very nice people — " "And they're actually Jeff's friends? You astonish me. " Jeff shook his head sadly, as if to say that he had known she wouldn't be able to keep her temper. Nate grinned. "You might even fancy one of them. And if you insist on spending your life teaching little monsters to tie their shoes and count to ten, then it wouldn't hurt a bit if you'd many someone who had a decent income. " "I have no plans to marry anyone, " Courtney said, in a voice that should have ended the conversation. "That's realistic, " Jeff murmured. "Don't talk nonsense, " Nate ordered. "Of course you'll get married. And it's only sensible to use your head when you choose a husband. " "I can't see it being any of your business, Nate — " "I'd love to listen to the rest of this conversation, dear ones, " Jeff said, "but I'm taking Veronica out this evening and I really must go and change. Carry on. " He paused in the doorway. "Oh, Courtney? In case I don't see you again, it's been very interesting to have you in the bosom of the family. " "Why wouldn't you see me again? " But he was gone. She jumped up and followed him into the hallway. "Just why do you think I might not be here? " He stopped on the bottom stair and leaned on the newel post. "I said last night I'd give Nate a week to get tired of you, but I think that may have been generous. At least, I do hope so. " It was the final straw, and the last remnant of her good sense vanished. "Look, Jeff, if you hate it so much — being under the same roof with me — why don't you move? You've got more money than I have. " "I can't leave, " he said briefly from the landing. "Why not? " He grinned at her over the railing. "Because Nate doesn't own Hearthstone, " he said. "I do. " CHAPTER FOUR WHEN SHE HAD RECOVERED from the shock of his announcement, Courtney went back into the drawing-room and asked Nate, with a timid tremor in her voice, if it was true. "Well, yes, " he admitted. "Jeff's name is on the deed, but I hold the mortgage, and believe me, he has a long way to go before he can say it's all his. In the meantime, I guess I've still got a few rights around here. Why do you ask? He isn't threatening to evict you, is he? " Not exactly, Courtney thought bleakly. He doesn 't think he 'll have to, because he's so certain you 'll do it for him. "Don't mind him; it's only bluster, " Nate said cheerfully. "Jeff's just used to getting his own way about everything. " He poured himself another cup of tea and added blandly, "And don't blame me for that. His mother spoiled him. " Courtney had to swallow hard to keep from telling him that she thought getting one's own way seemed to be a trait that ran in the Winslow blood. The restraint took every ounce of self-possession she had, and she realized, not too happily, that Jeff's prediction might not be far off course. If she had this much trouble keeping herself from blowing up at Nate on her first night at Hearthstone, anything might happen within a week. But by the time she weekend rolled around without event, she was being to breathe more easily again. For one thing, Jeff had made himself scarce; most of the time when he was at Hearthstone, he vanished somewhere into the far reaches of the house. Courtney hadn't been in a room alone with him since that first day at tea. "And I haven't missed his company, either, " she muttered as she hurried downstairs early on Saturday

morning. Nevertheless, today she was trying to seek him out, and not having any luck. He had obviously come down before her, because the morning newspaper lay discarded beside his favorite chair in the little study, and his place at the dining-room table had been cleared. But after break fast he had apparently disappeared. The house was nearly silent, and that was unusual if Jeff was around. "With my luck, " she said to the beamed ceiling of the dining-room, "he probably chose this weekend to go on a hunting trip in the Upper Peninsula! " Loring came in. "Would you like a nice banana muffin with your breakfast, Miss Courtney? " he asked. "They've just come from the oven. " "Lovely, Loring. But what I'd like this morning is Mr. Jefferson. " She realized a bit late that there could be more than one interpretation of that statement, and tried to keep herself from turning red. "I mean, " she added with all the dignity that she could muster, "that I need to talk to him. Would you happen to know where he is? " Loring looked uncomfortable. "Yes, miss. But he's — " He pointed at the floor, and Courtney wondered for one crazy second if he meant that Jeff was hiding under the dining-room table. "He's in the cellar, and no one bothers him when he's there. " "I'm not going to bother him, either. I just need to ask him one simple question. If you'll just show me the way to this damp and dingy basement — " Loring looked horrified. "You can't keep me out of there, " she pointed out. "It might take me a while to find the entrance, and I might be very noisy while I look, but — " He took her silently through the kitchen and opened a door with a subdued flourish, as if to say he bore no responsibility for the outcome. She gave him a smile and hurried down the steps before he could change his mind. The basement, somewhat to her disappointment, was not damp and dingy. It had suited her fancy to think of Jeff retreating to a sort of dungeon… The flight of stairs ended in a little hall, and light poured across it from an open doorway at the far end. There was a muffled buzzing coming from it, and when it stopped, Courtney called out cheerfully, "What are you doing here, Jeff? Dismembering bodies? " She passed a well-organized pantry room, lined with shelves and cabinets, and a couple of closed doors. By the time she reached the light, Jeff was standing in the doorway. His hands were planted on his hips and he looked disgruntled. "Can't a man have any privacy in his own house? " he demanded. "I fully expect to find you in my bedroom next. " She stepped into the stream of light, and his eyes narrowed as he looked her over. "Though as far as that goes, " he added, "it would have advantages. " He dismissed her oversized old sweatshirt, its university monogram faded from too many launderings, with a frown, but his gaze seemed to linger on the way her ancient jeans hugged her hips. "Given a little privacy, I might even get you out of those clothes…" "Really, Jeff. " She tried to keep her voice level, amused. "I came down to ask a civilized question, not to listen to this sort of silly nonsense. " " — and burn them, " he finished. Her face flamed. Her clothes might be old, but his weren't much better. He was wearing a battered pair of jeans and a bright plaid shirt with the sleeves rolled up to the elbows. It was the first time she'd ever seen him in anything besides a well-tailored suit, and she was darned if she would admit that she ought he looked better this way. "You don't seem to have noticed that we're practically dressed like twins, " she said. "And smart remarks like that one might just come back at you like boomerangs. " "Oh? Is that a nice way to say you'd like to get me out of my clothes? " "Absolutely not. What have you got all over you, anyway? It looks like dust. " He seemed to have lost interest in the banter. "So what's your civilized question, Courtney? " "Oh. Well, it's your own fault I practically forgot it, " she pointed out. "I have to get the rest of the stuff out of my apartment this weekend, and I wondered — " He groaned. "Oh, I don't expect you to do it, " she assured him. "Even though it would fit in your car. But I thought perhaps you had a friend with a pick-up truck. " He muttered something under his breath and turned back into the lighted room. Courtney followed, slipping through the door just as he started to close it in her face. "What did you say? It would take one trip, and — oh. " It was a long, appreciative sigh as she saw what stood on the low workbench in the center of the big room. "So this is where you vanish to. " Jeff said ungraciously, "Since you're already here, you might as well come on in. " She didn't wait for a more pleasant invitation. The object on the bench drew her into the workshop. It was a particularly beautiful Chippendale Pembroke table, small, with slim, tapered legs connected by arched supports. On one side, a fancifully curved drop leaf had been attached; its mate lay on the bench. The table was meant to have a drawer in one end; Courtney spotted it lying nearby. Beside the table was an electric sander; that, she thought, must have made the buzzing noise she had heard as she came down the stairs. An electric sander, she thought, half-horrified, grinding away on what — even to her inexperienced eyes — looked like a priceless bit of furniture? There had been a

good bit of sanding going on, she saw, because the piece looked like raw wood. She circled the workbench slowly, admiring the table. "It's beautiful, " she said finally. "But I thought you weren't supposed to refinish antiques because it ruins their value. " Jeff smiled. "Thanks for the compliment. But it's not antique. It's just supposed to look as if it is. " He picked up a strip of sandpaper, wrapped it around a block of wood, and began to smooth the edge of the drop leaf. He was so engrossed in his work that he didn't seem to notice when Courtney reached out with a tentative finger to touch the surface of the wood. She looked around. The big room must take up fully half of Hearthstone's basement, she thought, and it looked like a fully-stocked lumberyard. Boards of all sizes and thicknesses were stacked on shelves and neatly arranged in bins. Machines were lined up along work-tables; she counted five different kinds of electric saw, but the purpose of most of the other tools defeated her. A lamp attached to a battered desk in the corner cast a pool of light over what looked like a set of blueprints. She walked over and studied them. Then she looked up at Jeff with new respect. "You built that table from scratch? " "No, from mahogany. " He ran a finger over the edge he had just sanded and frowned. "But if you mean, is it a kit, no. I saw one I liked in a museum in Philadelphia. " "So you built your own. " She sat down on the edge on the workbench. He put the sandpaper down reluctantly. "Another couple of weeks and it will be ready to stain and finish. " "A couple of weeks? It's as slick as glass already. " He looked defensive. "If I want to spend all my free time for a year on this table, that's none of your business, Courtney. " "I never said it was. I just wondered why — " "Let's go get your stuff. " She didn't move. "Is that why you don't like any one to know what you're doing? " "That, and the fact that people would say, 'Why don't you build me one? ' as if I can just toss some thing together over a weekend without any personal involvement. Believe me, it's happened. They rave about how pretty it is, and then let their kid put his muddy feet on it, or his sticky soft-drink glass. " He stopped abruptly, unplugged the sander and put it in a drawer. "And after you've worked on it for so long, " she said softly, "it's like a part of you being trampled on, isn't it? " He scowled. "Come on, Courtney, before I change my mind and go back to work. " She was satisfied. There were apparently depths to Jeff that she hadn't suspected, and she would never have dreamed of looking for them in a basement woodworking shop. The butler was hovering at the top of the stairs with a worried look. "Loring, old dear, " Jeff said, "I don't blame you for letting her barge in on me — she's been hanging around Nate too long. Another week and she'll have picked up the bellow, too. " The sympathetic understanding she had felt for him evaporated. "Don't worry, Jeff, " she said crisply "I'll keep your guilty secret. And you needn't help me move, either, if you don't want to, but I'd certainly appreciate a truck. " "You don't expect me to let any of my friends see that apartment of yours, do you? " He picked up a windbreaker and pulled the back door open. "That's unnecessary and insulting, Jeff Winslow, and — " "Don't forget, I saw it with my own eyes. " "I'll admit it wasn't at its best. " "I've seen pigpens that looked better. But if it's to your taste — " "Now that Debbie has moved most of her stuff out — " Stop right there, she told herself. So what if he thinks you 're a slob? From his point of view, there's plenty of evidence. You aren 't going to convince him it wasn 't you who made the place such a mess. "One load, you said? " She looked at the silver Mercedes doubtfully, and said, "Yes, I'm sure it will fit. " "That shouldn't take long. I won't ask Loring for a picnic basket to sustain me. " She maintained a frigid silence that lasted till they arrived at the apartment. She unlocked the door, and Jeff stepped inside and said, "I thought you said your roommate had moved all her stuff. " "Most of it. Why? " "Because she forgot her stupid wooden Indian. " "Don't insult him by calling him a stupid wooden Indian. His name is Great-Chief-Smoke-in-the-Eyes. Smokey for short. He used to live in a cigar shop up in Door County. " Jeff stared at the garishly-painted six-foot statue for a while. "He must have been the life of the party with a peace pipe. " He hung his windbreaker over Smokey's face, and followed her down the hall. "With all the genuine American Indian lore in this area, why would anyone settle for a wooden statue? " "With all the furniture stores around, why build your own? " "That's different. " "So is Smokey. " She handed him a box. He grunted. "What's in this thing? " "Children's books. " She picked up a second box and started putting volumes in it. "Yours? " "Of course they're mine. Sorry, but I didn't get quite everything packed yesterday. " She grimaced. "Defrosting the refrigerator took longer than I expected. "

The front door banged. "That must be Debbie, " she said. "She was supposed to come today and finish cleaning. " "The place looks better in full light, " Jeff admitted handsomely. "The place looks better because I spent all day yesterday scrubbing it. " Debbie appeared in the doorway. She was wearing spike heels and designer jeans, and her hair was pulled into an upswept knot. "Are you finally getting your stuff out, Courtney? " she asked unnecessarily. Then she saw Jeff, and her mascara-laden eyelashes started to flutter. "Well, well, " she purred. "Is this the uncle that has so generously taken you in, Courtney? All of us should have such happy families. " "My cousin Jeff, " Courtney said shortly. "Jeff, this is my ex-roommate, Debbie. " She marched to the front door and set the box on the edge of the porch. "Sorry, " she told Jeff. 1 hope you don't mind. But Debbie doesn't always understand the finer details. " "Oh, I think I understand quite well, " Debbie said, from the doorway. "A Mercedes and everything.. . If this is what going back to school has done for you, I can see why the assembly line wasn't good enough to satisfy you. " She turned on her heel and went back into the apartment. "That's got nothing to do with it, you know, " Courtney called after her. But there was no point in trying to explain; Debbie wouldn't understand. That girl has never had an original idea, Courtney thought, and she wouldn 't recognize one if it hit her in the ear. I am so glad to be escaping that. She watched Jeff speculatively as he bent over the back of the Mercedes, arranging the boxes. He would understand, she thought. Anyone who would spend a year tinkering with bits of wood to make a single small table — "Why are you looking at me that way? " he asked as he straightened up. "Well, it isn't because I'm planning to attack your gorgeous body, as Debbie seems to think, " she said tartly. "Gorgeous? Do you think it is, really? " Courtney tried to stifle her groan. That had slipped out, and she had no intention of admitting that she had noticed — in fact, she thought, she hadn't even realized that she'd been watching him quite so closely. "It was purely a figure of speech. " "Oh. " He sounded disappointed. "What was all that about an assembly line? " "I used to work at the factory where Debbie does. I think she's angry at me because she can't comprehend why I was so anxious to get away from it. " "And why did you hate it? " "I should think if anyone would understand, Jeff — " "Oh, I can think of a hundred reasons. I just wondered which ones yours were. " She looked at him for a long moment, constructing a simple answer that would be honest and yet not expose what was certainly a quixotic approach to the world to Jeff's particular brand of sarcasm. "Because, " she said, "any chimpanzee of average intelligence could do the job I did on the assembly line, and I want better than that for myself. " "But why? " he murmured. He sounded as if he really wanted to know. She surprised herself and told him. "Because I want to feel that I'm doing something unique with my life, " she said slowly. "Something no one else can do. " He didn't comment, and she began to feel a little foolish. But it was too late to back out, so she went on with a burst of honesty, "Just making money isn't enough. It satisfies Debbie, but only because she never looks past the next paycheck. I see farther than that, and I want to look back when I'm ninety years old and be able to say that the world was a better place because I lived in it, that's why. Does that satisfy you, Jeff Winslow? " He grinned. "How long have you and Debbie shared this apartment? " "Just about a year. Why? " "And both of you have managed to restrain yourselves from committing murder? " She stuck her tongue out at him, but she thought that despite his flippant question, he knew perfectly well what she had meant. Debbie loaded her few remaining things in her car and came back to the kitchen. Jeff was handing things down from the top cupboards to Courtney, who was stacking them in boxes. Debbie stood and watched him thoughtfully for a second, swinging her car keys on her finger. The covetous expression in the girl's eyes made Courtney half-angry, until she realized that she was feeling protective of Jeff. How utterly foolish, she told herself. As if he couldn't defend himself from a female shark of Debbie's type! "I suppose this is the last time we'll see each other, " Debbie said finally. "I understand why you did it, of course, Courtney — " "I'm afraid I don't understand what you mean. " "That, " Debbie said pointedly, with a wave of her hand at Jeff. "I'm sure actually being homeless helped your cause. " Courtney's mouth dropped open. "But I wish you'd thought about other people, too. My parents have actually set up a curfew for me. I mean, can you imagine? And I have to pay rent. Well, that's all water over the dam, " she admitted handsomely. "Good luck, Courtney. I hope you finish school and all that. " Courtney found her voice just as Debbie left the kitchen. "What about the rest of the cleaning? " she called. "I left the bathroom for you to do, and the bedrooms still need to be swept out. " Debbie's head came around the corner of the door way. "What's the use, if we're not going to get our deposit back? " she asked reasonably. "If the landlord's

going to be such a stickler, let him clean the place. " She vanished and a moment later the front door slammed. "A lady of definite views, " Jeff said. "That's everything out of the cabinets. " He jumped down off the kitchen chair he'd been standing on. Courtney was fuming. "Views, as opposed to insight. I should have expected it, I suppose. The girl never picked up a dustcloth in the whole year she lived here. But this is the final insult! " "That stands to reason, " Jeff said politely. "I don't think she'll be coming back to give you another sample of her wisdom. " The unexpected logic set her to laughing, somewhat bitterly. At least he could see some humor in it, she thought. A couple of minutes later Jeff came back after taking another load of boxes to the car. "I hope we're reaching the end, " he said. "I don't know how much more I can put in there. " "Just a few more things. " She led the way to her bedroom, where a small steamer trunk sat in the middle of the floor. "You said one carload, " he reminded. "And you've got it all in the car, haven't you? " He groaned. "All right. I'll try. Where did you get all this stuff, anyway? " "The trunk has my mother's dolls in it. Jeff, it's the only thing 1 still have of hers. " "Except for all her pots and pans, " he reminded. "That's right. And her quilts, of course. " He carried the trunk out, and she packed the last suitcase. "What happened with the deposit, anyway? " he asked as he waited for her to finish. "Was there trouble over breaking your lease? " "We didn't have a lease. " "What did Debbie mean, then? " Courtney sighed. "The landlord told us yesterday that he was raising the rent, effective immediately, and then he had the nerve to add that we had to forfeit our deposit money because we weren't giving him a month's notice. Does that sound fair to you? " "Not at all. " It also didn't sound as if it bothered him, she thought resentfully. "Does he have the right to do that? " "I make it a point not to practice law in the family, " Jeff said mildly. "I didn't ask you to sue him for me, " she pointed out. "But it hurt to lose that money. Not only do I have other uses for the cash, but it's one of the rare times I agree with Debbie about the principle. " Just thinking about it made her irritated all over again. "Maybe she's right — I should leave the rest of the apartment for him to clean. " He didn't say anything, just looked at her thoughtfully. "I suppose this silent stare is your method of bullying a client into submission, " she said finally. "I don't appreciate having it used on me, Jeff. " "Bullying? " He sounded innocently outraged. "You. All right, I'll finish cleaning the place, if you will just stop looking at me like that. I've got enough of a guilty conscience already! " "I think I've wronged you, " he said slowly. "Saying, for instance, that you enjoyed living in a pigpen. " "I'll never forgive you for that one. " He grinned. "Not even if I sweep the bedrooms? " She couldn't help it. She smiled back. "That would help, " she admitted, and handed him a broom. By the time she'd finished scrubbing the bathroom, he was lounging in the doorway. "Everything's loaded, " he said. "But I may have been wrong about Debbie coming back. " "Now's a fine time to tell me. " "She went off without her wooden Indian again. " Courtney picked up the last of her cleaning supplies. "Not exactly, " she said cautiously. There was a long silence, and then he said, with considerable restraint, "Courtney, please don't tell me that's your wooden Indian. " "My father took him in trade once. " "I just finished cramming your mother's dolls into the back seat, " Jeff said, awfully. "The rocking chair is roped on to the luggage rack. And the ironing board is sort of sticking out the window. But if you think for one minute that I am going to drive across Green Bay with a damned wooden Indian tied to the top of my car — " "We could put Smokey in the passenger seat, " she suggested, "and I'll take the bus. " "And let people think all that stuff is mine? Not on your life, Courtney Martin. " "All right. I'll drive, and you can take the bus. " "How about if I tie you on top of the car — " He sighed. "All right. I'll put my sunglasses on and pull my hat down over my eyes. " She grinned at him. "You know, Jeff, " she said contentedly, and patted him on the back, "you aren't a bad sort, after all. " CHAPTER FIVE THE FEELING OF HARMONY didn't last long, of course. It didn't help matters that on the way to Hearthstone they pulled up at a traffic light next to a small black sports car. Jeff looked at the driver and swore.

"If you're trying to crawl down inside your collar, " Courtney told him, "it won't work. Who are you hiding from, anyway? " "That's Derek McLean. " She thought about it and said, "Oh. The McLean of Winslow, Anderson, Percy, et cetera? " "Yes, " Jeff growled and glared at her. "I knew I should have hired a truck. " So she smiled and waved at the blond man behind the wheel. "He's awfully young to be a senior partner, isn't he? " she asked. "Not bad-looking, either. " The young man waved back and rolled his window down. "Going into a new line of work, Jeff? " he called, and roared away from the light, laughing. That, she supposed, was why Jeff carried Smokey into Hearthstone, set him in the corner of the front hall, and announced to Loring that the next time they were short of kindling, the Indian was to go under the axe. Courtney shrieked at the rank injustice of that, which brought Nate out of the study, wearing . a frown, to accuse them of quarrelling like a pair of cats squabbling over a scrap of meat. "Can't you two at least conduct yourselves with a few manners? " he demanded. "Why? " Jeff asked. "Do you think you're the only one who should be allowed to lose your temper? If you had been through what I have today for the sake of that stupid block of wood — " Nate merely turned his wheelchair around and retreated to the study. But that didn't end the fight, and by the time Jeff left the house that evening, looking ferociously good-looking in black tie, to take Veronica to dinner and a concert, Courtney was as thoroughly out of charity with him as she had ever been. "Well, that's a relief, " she announced as she settled herself into a deep leather chair in the study with her philosophy of education textbook. "At least he's out of the way for the evening. " "You know, " Nate said, "it wouldn't hurt you to try a little harder to get along with Jeff. " "I'm trying, Nate. I've happily learned the proper way to conduct myself in public, because I was tired of Jeff looking down his nose at me. You must admit that I can now manipulate a tea service with the best of them, and my dinner-table conversation is becoming positively scintillating. It isn't my fault if Jeff picks quarrels with me. He still thinks you're going to kick me out. " For a moment, she thought he wasn't going to answer at all. Then he said, gruffly, "Well, he's wrong about that. " It made her feel a bit ashamed of herself. Nate was a sick old man, after all, and if this bickering continued... it couldn't be pleasant for him. "I'll try harder, " she promised, softly. "Good. There's no point in having Jeff think you're some kind of shrew. " "Too late, " Courtney murmured. "Jeff could help you out, Courtney. One of his college buddies is in the diplomatic corps now. That boy will be an ambassador some day, and a good sensible Green Bay girl as a wife would be an asset to his career. " "Meaning me? I am not interested in marriage, Nate. " "Well, just in case you ever change your mind — " "I won't. I'm afraid your next suggestion would be for me to consider Jeff himself as husband material, " Courtney said firmly. "Hadn't considered it, " Nate said, with a gentle smile. "It will take at least an ambassador to handle you. " But she did try harder. On the following Saturday morning, she even managed to arrive at the break fast-table ten minutes after Jeff did. She poured her coffee from the silver pot on the sideboard, sat down across from him, and said good morning. He grunted. "So much for Emily Post, " she murmured. "What on earth are you muttering about? " Jeff asked, coming out from behind his folded newspaper long enough to butter half of a blueberry muffin. "Your father suggested I be polite and charming, to make a good impression on you. " He looked at her appraisingly, from the top of her glossy brown hair as far down as he could see. She had thrown away the worn-out old university sweat shirt, and today she was wearing a plum-colored sweater that clung in all the right places. His eyes, she noticed with irritation, seemed to linger at table level. "Oh, I imagine he knows that you're not up to the challenge. " She gave him a deadly smile. "I think he feels that if I can learn to charm you, Jefferson dear, the rest of the world will be no challenge at all. " He grinned unexpectedly. "Well, you're certainly catching on to the debutante's knack for carving someone up into slices with a sweet murmur, " he said. "I'll have to speak to Nate about that. He mustn't go too far with this project. " "I wish you would talk to him, " she said, and stabbed a link sausage viciously. "He's trying to train me to make an advantageous marriage. " "As far as Nate is concerned, there is no other kind. " "Well, why doesn't he go to work on you? You're five years older than I am. I should think he'd be worried about you still being single. " "Oh, but a man at thirty-one is properly seasoned. A woman who's nearing thirty — " "I am not nearing thirty! " He hadn't paused. " — is an old maid. "

She ate her sausage in silence, and then said, "I don't care if I never get married. " She thought about it a moment longer, and added softly, "Not unless I find the kind of man that I could drown myself in. " "How perfectly — " Jeff paused, and then said, as if he had thought better of his first choice of words " — charming. " "That's just about what Nate says. Don't you believe in love, either? " she challenged. "Not the one-to-a-customer kind, that's sure. It's disturbing, and it keeps a man from doing his best work. No, when the time comes, I'll settle down comfortably with a sensible woman, someone who knows the score, as my father did. " "How perfectly — " she mimicked " — boring. " "There weren't many fireworks in that marriage, but they didn't divorce, " he reminded. "Mother never interfered with Nate's work, and she never let his entertainment get out of hand, either. It wasn't until after she died that things went to pieces. " "His entertainment? Do you mean other women? " I shouldn 't be shocked, she told herself. Hadn't Jeff said once that one Don Juan in the family was enough? "What happened to your mother, Jeff? Nate scarcely ever mentions her. " "She died the first year I was in college. After that, he didn't bother to be discreet, and his practice suffered for it. He kept company with one woman after another. " His eyes were a very clear brown as he looked directly into hers. "Occasionally there was more than one of them at a time, and sometimes they already had husbands. " "That's awful! " Jeff said stiffly, "Nate has what might be politely called a flexible moral code, but I love him for what he is, and I long ago stopped wishing for his shortcomings to go away. " "That wasn't what I meant, " Courtney said quickly. "I just thought — " She looked at her plate, and then back into his eyes. "Are you certain you aren't mistaken about your parents, Jeff? " she asked softly. "I think that he must have loved her very much if losing her did that to him. " He scowled for a moment. Then his face relaxed, and he said, in a voice that almost trembled, "That possibility had never occurred to me, Courtney. " His expression was unreadable, and yet there was something in his eyes that made her want to touch his face, to caress the spot in his cheek where that outrageous dimple hid. "So, " Jeff said, unsteadily, "why are you so angry at Nate this time? Has he started introducing you to suitable men? " The moment passed, and with it died the urge to reach out to him. She broke a muffin into bits and said, "No. He says he can't till I get some decent clothes. " "And, " said a voice from the doorway, "as usual, she is being completely insensitive to my feelings. " Nate's chair pulled up to the head of the table. "Would you get me some coffee, my dear? " Courtney filled his cup and said to Jeff, as if Nate wasn't there, "Besides, I don't want to be introduced to suitable men right now, so I don't need clothes. " "Then do it for love of me, " Nate said. "I am perfectly willing to pay the bills for a complete replacement so long as I can have the pleasure of putting everything that currently resides in your wardrobe into the garbage. Is that unreasonable, Jeff? " "I'll help haul it all to the dump, " Jeff offered. "I should have expected that, " Courtney said bitterly. "I do have some pride, you know, and I refuse to go deeper into your debt, Nate, when the clothes I've got are perfectly adequate for the university! " "Courtney's clothes could just mysteriously disappear some day while she's at class, " Jeff observed. "I would rather — " She stopped suddenly. "Go naked? " Jeff shook his head regretfully. "A bit cold for that, I'm afraid, as interesting as it would be for the rest of us. However, we might reach a compromise. " He pulled a folded envelope out of his wallet and handed it to Courtney with a flourish. "I forgot to give this to you yesterday. " It was an expensive, linen-finished paper, and engraved on the corner was "Winslow, Anderson, Percy, and McLean. " She opened it cautiously. Inside, still warm from Jeff's body, was a check from her former landlord for the full amount of her security deposit — three hundred dollars that she had thought was gone for ever. "I thought you didn't practice law in the family, " she said, before she had recovered enough from the shock to regain her manners. "It was good experience in legal extortion. " Nate snorted. "That's a laugh. Jeff Winslow, the super-straight lawyer who makes the rest of us look like crooks, stepping outside the strictest bounds of ethics? I'm proud of you, my boy. " She jumped up from her chair and threw her arms around Jeff. "You're a dear, " she said. "And I don't care who hears it. " He fended her off with a laugh. "Just do me a favor, and spend it all on clothes, so Nate will stop griping. " "I will. You don't know what fun I'm going to have! " "Well, be sure to tell Theresa that you need to be outfitted for Hearthstone. She'll take it from there. " "Who? " "Theresa Bannister — she's the one who owns the boutique I told you about. " "Oh, I wasn't planning to go there, " she said, airily. "You said yourself it was expensive, and this won't stretch forever. Besides, I've got some books I want to buy. "

A brief silence fell over the breakfast table. Jeff broke it gingerly. "Then where do you plan to buy your clothes? " She told him. The list of stores was short and to the point, and when she was finished, Jeff looked across the table at Nate and groaned. "I take it all back, " he said. "I retract every nasty thing I have ever said about you, Courtney, and I'll even do it in front of a witness. It is now apparent to me that if you ever succeed in conning a single dollar from Nate, it will be purely accidental! " "I intend to be independent. And what's so awful about buying my clothes in department stores? " "Those, my dear, are discount houses. And there is nothing criminal about it — or there won't be once you've learned good taste. " "That is an awful thing to say. " "Come on. " He pushed his chair back. "It's apparent that I'm going to have to take you in hand myself. And believe me, you owe me — this is two Saturdays in a row that you've messed up my plans! " *#* *#* *#* *#* *#* "I DON'T NEED three hundred dollars' worth of clothes, " she muttered. "Every cent of it, I said, and I meant it. Now, are you coming in under your own power, or shall I throw you over my shoulder? Have you got those clothes? " Courtney would have liked to hit him with the bag she carried. It contained two sweaters and a dress, all that was left from her wardrobe after Jeff had gone through it like a cyclone. "I can't believe you made me bring these along, " she said. "Because they're not bad, and Theresa might be able to turn them into something. " "But carrying clothes into an exclusive shop? Come on, Jeff. Even I know that isn't done. " "Sure it is. Wait and see. " "You can't mean that you're going to help choose my clothes. " "Want to bet? " he said crisply. A petite blonde in a dress the color of spring violets came to greet them. She smiled at Courtney pleasantly enough, but curiosity was raging in her eyes. "Go and sit down, " Jeff ordered Courtney. "I need to talk to Theresa a minute before we start on you. " "I am not a three-year-old being fitted for orthopedic shoes, " Courtney pointed out with dignity. Then she walked across the room and chose a chair. She had never been in a shop quite like this one before, that was sure. And she wasn't sure she liked it, either. For one thing, it was small, with scarcely any clothes to be seen. It looked as if T. J. Bannister had put so much money into mirrors and carpeting that there wasn't enough cash left to maintain an inventory. Jeff and the blonde were in a huddle across the room. Once in a while one of them would look at Courtney critically, and then they would put their heads together again. They seemed to be having an argument, and once Courtney thought she heard the blonde say, "Oh, just go away, Jeff. " Courtney thought that sounded promising, but she I was afraid that she knew Jeff too well to count on the blonde having any success in getting rid of him. She rested her elbow on the arm of her chair, cradled her cheek in her hand, and tried to pretend that she was somewhere else. The outskirts of a village in the Gobi Desert would be her first choice, she decided. "All right, then, " Jeff said, and there was no mistaking the frustration in his voice. "But you know what I expect, Theresa. I'm going to my office. I'll meet you at Donegal's at one o'clock and buy you both lunch. " He waved at Courtney and let the front door slam behind him. The blonde sighed and came over to take the chair next to Courtney's. "Now, " she said cheerfully, "Let's talk about just what it is you want. " It was totally unexpected. "I didn't know that entered into it at all, " Courtney said with a hint of bitterness. "Oh, Jeff gave me plenty of orders on what I'm to do, and some of them even make sense. But I suspect you've a few ideas of your own, so let's forget about Jeff. I promise not to let his disapproval bother me, if you can bear up under it yourself. " Her smile was reassuring, and before she knew it, Courtney found herself in a large, private dressing room. First they draped her in swatches in fabrics and showed her why some colors made her look sallow and sick, while others turned her eyes into great pools of limpid brown and brought out the red-gold highlights in her hair. Then they started to bring out racks of the most beautiful clothes Courtney had ever seen. There was no shortage of things to choose from at T. J. Bannister's, after all, she found; it was just that they never allowed a customer to see a garment unless it was in a color that flattered her. "I thought perhaps a red dress, " she ventured once. Theresa shook her head firmly. "Pure red is fashionable this season, but it will never be in style for you, and Jeff would murder me if I allowed it. " "I thought we weren't going to worry about Jeff. " But Courtney subsided and tried on a tomato-orange dress instead. Two hours later, she found herself shuddering a bit as she handed over all of the hundred-dollar bills she had got when she cashed her check. They gave her back just enough for the haircut she'd promised to have next week. Still, she thought, it was worth it; she did feel very much better about herself, and the three hundred dollars had gone farther than she had thought it might. "You're being very kind to me, Theresa, " she said as they walked towards

Donegal's. "Oh, kindness doesn't enter into it — I'm having fun. Don't forget that haircut. You're very lucky, you know, Courtney. You're tall and slim and you've got wonderful skin. " That, Courtney thought, was stretching it a bit. "You've got naturally good taste, too, " Theresa announced. "You just have to learn to trust your instincts, and stop letting other people tell you what you should wear. " Courtney looked at her with a smile. Theresa didn't miss a beat. "Except for me, of course, until you get your confidence built up. And I think it would be safe to ask Jeff's opinion if I'm not around. He's usually very good about this sort of thing. " "He always looks nice himself, " Courtney admitted, a bit grudgingly. "Doesn't he? I think Jeff is one of the snappiest looking men I've ever known. " The enthusiastic praise didn't exactly surprise Courtney, but it made her wonder again about why Jeff knew so much about the business of women's clothing. "The next thing you should buy is a Packers stadium blanket, " Theresa went on. "You're one of the few women in this town who look wonderful wrapped up in that crazy shade of green. " "You don't need a blanket to watch them play on television. " Courtney's tone was wistful; her budget had never stretched to cover the price of tickets to see the city's major league football team play in person. "Well, you will before this autumn is over. Jeff would give up his law practice before he'd let go of his season tickets. " "Last week he took Veronica. " Theresa wrinkled her nose. "Oh, well — Veronica, " she said. "For a man with good judgment, Jeff certainly has a blind spot when it comes to Veronica Logan. She's after a partnership next year, and she'd be cozying up to King Kong himself if she thought it would give her an edge. " "A partnership? She's a lawyer? " A sudden gust of cool wind made Courtney's new wool coat suddenly welcome. "An efficient one, too, " Theresa said, with the air of a woman trying to be fair at all costs. "And I don't mean to say that Jeff wouldn't be a good catch, because he certainly would, whether he can help her get her partnership or not. But it's just so blasted logical! By all reasoning, Jeff and Veronica should make a wonderful couple. They've got similar interests, they share a career, they're both smart as well as intellectual, but — " She sighed. "But what? " "But, dammit, it just isn't right. They're both so cold-blooded about the whole thing that it makes me want to beat Jeff over the head. If he'd only relax a little and stop being so rational about everything and let himself fall in love —" "Perhaps he does love her. " Or, Courtney reminded herself, thinking of their conversation at the break fast-table, perhaps he had decided that Veronica was the woman he's looking for. What had he said? A sensible woman who knew the score, that was it. "Jeff, actually in love with the iceberg? I don't think so. Under that cynical surface, Jeff is a romantic clear to his bones, and if he'd just let his heart have a say in the matter, he'd be happier in the end. " Courtney wondered if Theresa had a candidate in mind herself. When they walked into Donegal's main dining room, heads turned. That must be nothing unusual for Theresa Bannister, Courtney thought, but it was pleasant to note that fully half of the masculine eyes in the place were resting on her instead of the blonde. It felt good, even though she knew that underneath the new moss-green dress she was still the same old Courtney Martin. The new clothes, coupled with Theresa Bannister's casual acceptance of her as a woman who only needed a bit of help to be attractive, had worked magic on Courtney's attitude. Jeff was waiting at a corner table, with his back to the door. The young man who was with him, how ever, had seen them come in; he watched their progress with frank appreciation. As they approached the table, Courtney heard Jeff say, "What on earth's the matter with you, Derek? You haven't heard a word I've said. " The young man ignored him and jumped to his feet. "Hello, Theresa, " he said. "What a pleasure! May I beg an introduction to your friend? " Jeff turned around and then uncoiled himself lazily from his chair. "For heaven's sake, Derek, " he said, 'stop drooling. You met Courtney at a traffic light downtown last weekend. It was fleeting, I admit, but you can't have forgotten. " Derek grinned. "Oh, yes, " he said. "Do you know, I adore wooden Indians. " His handshake was warm and firm, and he didn't let go of Courtney's fingers until he had placed her firmly in the seat next to his. "Jeff, why have you been hiding this girl? " Jeff himself, she realized with a flicker of disappointment, was taking her changed appearance well in his stride. He merely looked her over with a half-raised eyebrow, murmured something to Theresa, and filled their wine glasses from the bottle at his elbow. Surely, Courtney thought, he should have reacted a little more strongly; he'd looked at her more warmly than that at the breakfast-table this morning. She absent-mindedly fingered the soft wool cuff of her new dress, trying to recapture the pleasure it had brought her earlier. I went to all this bother, she told herself, and all I get is a half-hearted smile, as if he thinks I wasted my time and money! It was hardly worth the effort. Then, almost in mid-thought, she caught herself up short. As if I would do anything just to get Jeff's approval, she thought. What he thinks of me matters less than nothing. Nate will be

pleased, and that's all I care about. Derek was good at asking leading questions; Courtney soon found herself telling him bits of her long struggle towards her degree. For the first time, though, she was looking at it with humor, as if a few weeks at Hearthstone had given her not only hope but a new perspective. She was relieved, though, when Jeff turned to Theresa with a question; it was bad enough to tell Derek her life story, but at least he had asked. To bore the rest of the table with the details — Nate would have been shocked. She enjoyed herself, basking in the sunshine of Derek's attention. He obviously approved her choice of profession and told her solemnly that he thought it was wonderful that she had the patience to work with little people on a daily basis. Jeff snorted at that, and said, "Yes, it's a tough job, but someone's got to do it. Courtney's specializing in nap-time. " So he was listening after all, Courtney thought. There was a rude remark about lawyers on the tip of her tongue. She gritted her teeth and didn't say it, and then turned to Derek with a half-smile and an upward look through her lashes. Bless Nate, she thought, for teaching me how to do it; he is good for something, after all. From the corner of her eye, she saw startled disappointment on Jeff's face, and was grimly glad that she hadn't taken the bait. He 'd like to see me make a fool of myself in front of his partner, she thought. Well, I'm not going to oblige. She spent the next half-hour flirting gently with Derek. She let him order her dessert, and shared it with him. And when they finally rose from the table, she was feeling quite charitable about the universe. Amazing, she thought, what a new dress, a good meal, and the attention of a young man with manners could do for a girl . . . Derek helped her with her coat. Outside the restaurant, he caught her hands. "No gloves? " he asked. "You'll freeze. " He drew her closer to him, holding her fingers between his, close to his chest. "May I call you, Courtney? And perhaps take you out to dinner this week? " She smiled up at him. "I'd like that, " she said demurely. He let her go with reluctance, and watched from the restaurant entrance as she and Jeff and Theresa walked back to Theresa's shop to get Courtney's purchases. In the parking ramp, Jeff flung the bags into the back of the Mercedes and slammed the door. Courtney said, gently, "Have I done something to upset you, Jeff? " "Not at all. It's none of my business if Derek wants to kiss your hands. " "He wasn't. And besides, what would be wrong with that? " she asked gently. "They were clean. " "Have you no sense at all? I'll have you know, Courtney Martin, that no young woman with good taste allows a man she just met to steal bites of her dessert in a public place. " "You did vouch for him, " she reminded. "And Theresa didn't seem offended when I asked if you wanted a taste. " "I said no because I thought you could take a hint. " "Oh, is that what the black looks meant? I assumed you were just imitating a grizzly bear again. " He stayed silent after that. He stopped the car at the front door of Hearthstone instead of taking it around to the garage, and when she looked at him in surprise, he said, "I've changed my plans for the afternoon. " "I didn't ask, " she pointed out gently. "It's not up to me to keep track of you. " "Is that a polite way to tell me it's none of my business how you treat Derek? " "Something like that. " He helped her carry the bags of clothes in. She was half-way up the marble stairs when she heard him say, "And he likes wooden Indians, hmm? " She peeked over the wrought-iron railing. He was standing in the middle of the hall, looking at Smokey, who stared back at him impassively. He saw her on the stairs and said, "Are you actually going to invite Derek out here? " "Probably. We did agree it would be good for Nate, you know. " She added, "If he calls, that is. " "Oh, he'll call. You took good care of that. " He went back to staring at Smokey. "Anyone with so little taste deserves whatever he gets! " The front door banged behind him. Courtney sank down on the marble steps and laughed till she almost cried. CHAPTER SIX "HAVE ANOTHER DRINK, Derek, " Nate said. He didn't say it with a great deal of enthusiasm, however, Courtney noted. She thought he was beginning to look tired, and she was glad when Derek shook his head. "No, thanks, Nate. I've got a busy day tomorrow. I just didn't want Courtney to have to take the bus all the way out here from the campus at this hour. " He smiled across at her and set his glass on the small table before the study fireplace. "Yes, I've been thinking that she needs a car, " Nate said. Courtney sighed. Two weeks ago it was my clothes, she thought. Now a car. I wonder what comes next. Derek looked shocked. "Oh, I didn't mean to imply that you've been lax in your duty in any way, Nate. " Courtney put her own glass aside quickly. Nate's eyebrows had started to draw together like thunderclouds hovering over the bay. "I'm a bit tired myself, " she said. "I'll see you out, Derek. " She linked her arm in his and drew him out into the front hall. She knew that Loring was hovering somewhere just out of sight, itchy and nervous because in his code of

ethics it was the butler's job to see a guest out. But he didn't appear automatically any more; he hadn't since the evening two weeks ago when Derek had brought her home after their first dinner together. That time Derek had kissed her goodnight with Loring standing right there, holding the young man's coat, staring at the ceiling and obviously wishing that he could be somewhere else entirely. She and the butler had reached an unspoken compromise after that evening; Courtney had stopped answering the doorbell — it was a habit that the butler thought shockingly unsuitable for the young lady of a house like Hearthstone — and Loring stifled his pride and stayed in the kitchen at the end of the evening. I shouldn 't be thinking about Loring right now, she told herself. Derek is a very nice and thoughtful young man. He drove all the way out to campus tonight and waited twenty minutes because my class was late getting out. Now, instead of enjoying this very nice goodnight kiss, I'm thinking about the butler's pride and threatening to get the giggles. She had seen a great deal of Derek McLean in the last two weeks, since their lunch at Donegal's. Whenever a day went by that she didn't see him, she was certain to get a telephone call. And she liked it. For years Courtney hadn't had much of a social life, because there simply hadn't been time between her job and her classes. After she had given up her job, she had dated more often, but most of the men she knew were students like herself, scrambling to pay tuition, and entertainment usually consisted of a cup of coffee at the student union. Besides, most of the men on campus had been younger than Courtney was, and they treated her as an older sister, not a romantic interest. But Derek McLean seemed to think she was the most wonderful woman in the world, and Courtney was enjoying it. "I wish I didn't have to go home, " he said huskily. He rubbed his chin against the soft hair at her temple. "Courtney, you're the most adorable — " The front door opened. Jeff looked cynically at the pair in the hall and said, "I beg your pardon Perhaps you should start hanging your necktie on the doorknob when you're ready to leave, Derek. I'd be happy to use the kitchen entrance. " He draped his coat over the wooden Indian's face and went into the small study Derek groaned. "Dammit, " he said, "that's the third time this week he's walked in on us like that. He's got the most awful timing. " "I doubt he's embarrassed, " Courtney said reasonably. "He obviously just took Veronica home, and I would be amazed if he confined himself to kissing her fingertips. " She saw Derek off and went back towards the small study to tell Nate goodnight. She could hear the murmur of Jeff's voice, saying, "I think you should tell her. " He was leaning against the fireplace with a glass in his hand. Nate had just bent forward in his chair to jab at the fire. "Ancient history, " he said. "And I have my reasons. " He looked up at Courtney with a smile. "Did Derek finally go away? That boy is besotted, you know. You'd better watch out for him. " "Derek is very sweet. " Nate snorted. "You can do much better than Derek McLean, Courtney. " She had discovered, in the last couple of weeks, that there were better ways to handle Nate than to quarrel with him. "You said yourself that I should look for a professional man with an income adequate to support me, " she reminded. "And you said it shouldn't be a doctor. To quote you — they make a lot of money, but most of them don't know the first thing about handling it, and they're never home in time for dinner. " "Neither is Derek, " Jeff said. "He's always here instead. " She rewarded him with a smile. "But I'm sure he makes perfectly wonderful money practicing law, doesn't he, Jeff? " He looked at her over the rim of his glass. "He doesn't make enough to keep you in the style you're becoming accustomed to, that's sure. " "But he's a partner in the most prestigious law firm in Green Bay. " She was proud of herself; to contradict her, Jeff would have to say something about his own firm. "I certainly didn't recommend that you settle for a man like Derek McLean, " Nate said fretfully. "He's got no personality. " "If you mean he doesn't bellow every time some thing doesn't go his way, you're right. Hasn't it occurred to you that I might consider that an advantage after living with the two of you? " Jeff grinned. "I wouldn't have you living with me, dear girl, " he murmured. Courtney winced. You should watch every word when you 're around a pair of lawyers, she reminded herself. There had never been a double meaning that escaped Jeff Winslow. "Derek is all right, " Nate said doubtfully, "but you might as well make a good bargain as well as a marriage. " "I know, " she said. "You've told me before — I can marry more money in five minutes than I can hope to accumulate in a lifetime. Well, I've only been dating the man for two weeks, and that does not constitute a lifelong commitment. " "That wasn't the message Derek was getting from the kiss in the front hall, " Jeff murmured. She glared at him. "I don't see anything wrong with setting your sights high, " Nate went on. "You're pretty enough, now that Jeff's worked a little magic with you. " He looked her over thoughtfully. "I do well enough with the home stuff. But you need some experience in public as well, and some exposure to the cultural whirl. Maybe Jeff could — " "I don't need anything of the kind, " Courtney said stiffly.

"Don't be foolish. Of course you do. And if you still refuse to marry sensibly, when you decide you've had enough of teaching little rug rats to color inside the lines, you can always fall back on my instructions and become a housekeeper. Do you know how hard it is to get household help these days, and how much it costs? " "Yes. You've told me. " There was a long silence. "You'll come to your senses some day. " Nate's weary reply made her forget her irritation. He seemed to be sagging in his chair. "You're exhausted, you poor darling, " she said. "I'll call Atwood, and we'll get you straight to your room. " Jeff set his glass aside. "I'll take you up, Nate. " "Don't attempt to coddle me, young man, " Nate ordered, but it was a very weak bellow. "I know, " Jeff said without sympathy. "You can't stand to be pitied. Well, this isn't pity, it's common sense. Who would chaperon Courtney and me if you were to get sick? " IT WAS PLEASANT in the quiet house, with the soft whisper of the embers the only accompaniment to her thoughts. The approach she had used tonight hadn't been much more successful than her previous tries at countering Nate's ambitions, she thought. It seemed that nothing would convince him that a woman could be serious about wanting to support herself and be independent. Whenever she tried to persuade him, he only grunted something about the idealistic nonsense of youth. She had never bothered to try to explain to Nate her conviction that somewhere in the world a man was waiting for her — a man who would respect her choice of life's work, whether it made her wealthy or not. A man who would not be threatened by a wife who wanted to be more than a reflection of him. A man who thought of a wife as a partner, not as a possession. "Two people should only marry, " she muttered to herself, "if they are somehow larger than life by being together. " She thought about it for a moment, and decided that she was becoming hopelessly muddled about the whole thing. Living around Nate for a while was enough to make any girl begin to question her judgment, she reflected. But I know that special man is out there somewhere, she told herself stubbornly. And if she didn't find him — that man who would cherish her strengths, who would let her nourish his weaknesses just as he satisfied hers — then she would not marry at all, ever. Living a life alone would be far better than being part of a marriage such as Nate suggested. She could see it now, if she were to make what Nate considered a wise choice. Hairdressers and boutiques in the morning, luncheon out each day, bridge all afternoon, home in time to approve the housekeeper's preparations for dinner and to make sure the children's nanny had them under control — "Abominable, " she said. Not that she didn't enjoy a few of the trappings that money made possible, she told herself with ruthless honesty. But unless, at the end of the day, she could feel a sense of accomplishment, a conviction that she had made a difference in the world, what was it all worth? A soft footstep sounded in the doorway. Loring must have thought the room empty and come in to douse the fire, she mused. She sat up straighter in her chair. "I'll be going upstairs in just a minute, Loring, " she said without looking up from the flames. "I told him I'd lock up. " Jeff had shed his tie and jacket. The sleeves of his white shirt were rolled to the elbow. He looked weary, she thought, and almost a little frightened, as he threw himself down into a leather chair before the fire. It didn't take much intuition to know what was bothering him. "Is Nate really ill? Not just tired? " Jeff rubbed a hand across the back of his neck. "Who knows? He will never say. I think he's afraid that if he admits to being in pain, it will win some extra hold over him. " He was staring at the flickering embers, as if fascinated by their glowing patterns. Courtney sat down on the arm of his chair and put a hand on his shoulder. The muscles were tense under her fingertips, and she started to massage his neck. He sighed and leaned forward a little so she could work more easily. "There are so many things that can go wrong with a paraplegic, " he said. "But I think he is in pain, because he was more anxious than usual to get rid of me tonight. " "But is that really abnormal? Loring told me Nate never lets anyone come into his bedroom, " she said softly. "Only Atwood, " Jeff said, "and he wouldn't allow that if he could get himself into bed. Nate's a very private person in a lot of ways, and he tries to pretend that nothing is wrong with him. " "Nothing is wrong with his mind. " Jeff nodded. "In his day, lawyers who found out they had to face him in court turned pale. He practiced law in Green Bay for thirty years, and he lost his temper in a courtroom precisely once. He got licked that time because of his lack of control, and Nate learns from his mistakes. " "The kind of lawyer you want on your side when you're in a tough spot, " she said thoughtfully. "That's right. Oh, I consider some of his tricks unethical and he calls me an idealistic young fool, but all in all I think he was the best lawyer who ever practiced in this country. " "He could be again, you know. " Jeff shook his head. "I don't think that even you could convince him to go back into a courtroom. He's willing to please you by seeing people here at Hearthstone, but a trial is the most public of appearances, as well as being grueling work. " "I didn't mean that, precisely. I know how hard it would be, and I agree that he doesn't have the strength. But surely he could be the genius behind the scenes. "

"Nate was a trial lawyer. I doubt he would ever be content with staying in the background. " Courtney shrugged. "He's even more in the background right now. And I can't help feeling that if he just had some of his old interests back, his health would improve. " There was a ghost of a grin in Jeff's eyes, but his voice was serious as he said, "If anyone can bully him into it, you can, that's sure. I heard you tell him it was selfish to keep his specialized knowledge of the law all to himself. " "Well, right after that, he agreed to see Derek, and he asked him about his cases. And I wasn't going to bully Nate. I was just going to suggest to Derek that he keep asking for help. " "Not a bad idea, " he said blandly. "In a courtroom, Derek needs all the help he can get. " Courtney's eyebrows went up, and she stopped massaging his neck. "Isn't it against the rules for you to be snide about a partner? " "Quite true, " Jeff agreed. "Just forget I said it, all right? " Jeff stirred up the fire and sat down again, obviously not in any hurry to retire to his room. The silence stretched out for long minutes. He caught her hand and laid it back across his neck. "If you keep on rubbing my neck, " he said, "I won't make any more nasty cracks about Derek. " They fell into a companionable silence then, punctuated only by the sighs of the dying fire. The friction of her hands sent heat through her fingers and into his muscles, and she thought about how pleasant it was to just be two people — not friends, precisely, but not enemies, either. His chestnut-brown hair had a tendency to curl at the back of his neck, and her fingers itched to tease the strands into ringlets. This, my girl, she told herself, is dangerous. She gave his shoulders a final rub and returned to her own chair. He looked at her sadly; she ignored him. "How do you feel about Halloween parties? " he asked finally. Courtney pulled her feet up on the edge of the chair and hugged her knees. "With costumes and all? It's been a while since I went to one. " He looked surprised. "I would have expected it to be your favorite holiday. " "Why? " she asked dryly. "Because I act so much like a witch? " He laughed. "No. Because of the little kids. " "Oh. Well, that's true. I like seeing all the little people in their costumes when they come around to beg for treats. But tell me more about the party. Do you mean here? The attic would be wonderful. " It wasn't an attic, really; the third floor of Hearthstone was more like a low-ceilinged ballroom, long and dim and shadowy, with all kinds of intriguing boxes and trunks piled around. Courtney had peeped around up there the day they had moved her things, but she had never really explored. He shook his head. "I don't think Nate would stand for it, and I can't say that I'd blame him. Theresa's having her annual party. " There was a warm sort of glow around her heart. Was he actually inviting her to go with him? "She wanted me to give you the invitation. Derek's invited, too, I'm sure. " He poked at the fire again. Sparks flared and then settled back into dying embers. The little glow in her heart faded. He, no doubt, would be taking Veronica, she reminded herself. And there's no reason on earth why he shouldn 't. She's only the most beautiful and the most brilliant woman I've ever had the misfortune to meet! The embers were mostly grey ash now, but the study was still warm. It was late, but she was too lazy to get up and go to her room. It was so comfortable here; it seemed to Courtney that her memories of another kind of life were very far away. The old apartment, and Debbie, were like ancient history. "Were you and Nate talking about me? " she asked suddenly. "Earlier, I mean — when I was saying goodnight to Derek. " "Saying goodnight? " he mocked gently. "Is that what you were doing? It looked to me as if there was some doubt about whether he was going to leave at all. " She was offended. "I'll have you know there was no question in anyone's mind but yours. " "I beg your pardon. I did say I'd make no more nasty remarks, didn't I? " "Yes, you did. And stop trying to avoid answering me. Were you and Nate talking about me? " He was frowning. "I don't remember. " Courtney added impatiently, "You said 'I think you should tell her — ' Were you talking about me? " His face cleared, as if understanding had finally dawned. "Oh, that. Yes, that was you. " She let a long silent moment pass. "Well? Are you going to tell me what it was, or shall I have to ask Nate? " "It was nothing big, really, " he said deliberately. "I just thought Nate should tell you — in the interests of strict honesty — that he bribed your landlord to raise your rent so you wouldn't have any choice about moving. " "He did what? " Courtney was incensed. She jumped to her feet and paced across the room. "Didn't you hear his explanation? " She shook her head. "He said something about ancient history. That was all I heard. " "I really should let Nate explain — " She scowled at him. "All right, all right. He said he wasn't going to tell you because it didn't make any difference — you'd actually moved by the time you ever heard about the increased rent. " "Yes, I had, but that doesn't mean that he can just take over my life like that. That's dishonest, Jeff. "

"Why don't you try accepting it as a compliment? " He seemed to be watching her very closely. "He obviously wanted very much for you to come here, and he was willing to do whatever it took. " "Whether I really wanted to move or not, " Courtney sniffed. "Is this the sort of thing you meant when you told me about Nate's unethical tricks? " "Well, yes, now that you mention it. " He turned his head experimentally back and forth. "My neck feels a good deal better, " he said hopefully, "but there is still a little stiffness. " "Take a hot-water bottle to bed with you, " she recommended tartly. "Now, come on, Courtney. Don't blame me for it — it was Nate's scheme. " "But you were going to help him cover it up! So much for your policy of strict honesty! " "He did have a point, " Jeff pointed out reasonably. "You admitted yourself that it didn't hurt anyone, because you had already moved. " She stood stiffly, her back to him, her arms folded. Her lower lip was caught between her teeth. He put a gentle hand on her shoulder. "Come on, Courtney. Don't take it out on me. I wouldn't even have found out about it if I hadn't gone after your security money. The landlord let it slip, so I asked Nate what he was up to. " Jeff had done her a big favor in getting her money back, she reminded herself. It would be a shame if his good deed landed him in trouble. "When Nate explained it to me tonight, " he went on, "I thought there was no sense in causing trouble between you over such a tiny thing. So I let it drop. I had no idea you'd overheard, or I would have insisted that he come clean right then. " His cajoling tone and the warm hand on her shoulder drove all the anger out of her. He must have felt the tension vanish, for he pulled her gently back against his chest, almost as though he was rocking her to sleep. It was pleasant to rest there against his solid warmth. Courtney let her eyes close and her head drop back against his shoulder. "You've done Nate a great deal of good, you know, " he murmured into her ear. "I talk about you bullying him, but you're really something of a wonder, Courtney. He's drinking tea instead of whisky, and eating his vegetables, and restoring some old friendships. " The casual compliment sent a rush of warmth through her body, clear to her bones. She felt suddenly just a little light-headed. His mouth brushed gently against the velvety skin along the side of her neck, and it felt as if a red-hot iron had seared its way to her heart. His lips drew a tender pathway up to her ear, and nibbled at the tiny lobe. She felt as if every muscle in her body had melted, leaving her weak, like an infant who was unable to support her weight. She turned her face up to his, and something in his expression made her release a tiny, painful sigh as his lips brushed like fire against the hollow under her cheekbones. He turned her gently towards him and pushed the hair back from her cheek, cupping his hand at the back of her head. His eyes were dark and unreadable in the dim room, but there was no mistaking his intention. His arms were tightening gradually, pulling her closer to him. Courtney shivered, a tiny shudder that reached right to her toes. How foolish, the reasoning part of her mind seemed to be saying, to react so strongly to what could only be a friendly kiss. He had chosen this way to express appreciation of what she had come to mean to his father; it was nothing more than that. Don 't make a fuss about something so casual, she told herself. It was anything but casual. She found herself clinging to him for support, certain that her knees had vanished altogether some time during that first kiss. Her hands were locked at the base of his neck, her fingers tangled in his hair, by the time he raised his head. He pulled back a fraction of an inch to look down into her eyes. What he saw there must have satisfied him, because he pulled her close again. This time there was no hesitation left in her, and she gave him kiss for kiss, willfully allowing the flicker of pleasure that had kindled "deep within her to grow until every restraint had crumbled and the only thing that mattered was the two of them, isolated in their own infinite universe. In those brief moments, it was as if he had called to some secret self that lay buried deep within her, and won a response that echoed across time — It was Jeff who pulled back first, steadying her with his hands on his arms, holding her away from him. "My God, " he said. "Kissing you is like flirting with a ton of dynamite. I think we'd better say goodnight before this gets completely out of hand. " There was an odd little catch in his words. "I wouldn't have let it get out of hand. " Her voice shook. He shook his head. "A little more of that, and neither one of us would have had much to say about it. " He sounded almost angry, she thought. Humiliation washed over her, followed by a flood of horror as she realized the extent of her own uninhibited behavior. "No wonder Derek looked as if he'd been hit by a truck, " he mused. She clapped her hands to her flaming cheeks and turned away, unable to speak, unable even to tell him that she had not kissed Derek like that. "Is that why you did it? " she demanded. "To find out why Derek keeps coming around? " "You certainly answered the question, Courtney. It's no wonder the poor boy looks like a half-wit when he leaves. " She looked up at him with indignation that quickly changed to embarrassment, and then she turned and stumbled up the stairs to her room without looking at him again. She knew, though, that he followed her into the hall, and that he watched as she climbed the marble steps. He was making sure I went away, she thought. I should be furious that he dared even to touch me. And for

such a stupid reason — as if Derek couldn 't possibly enjoy being with me for my own sake! She sank down on the window-seat in her room and pillowed her cheek against the paisley cushion. She was too angry to cry, she told herself — too angry, too humiliated, too hurt. He maneuvered me into feeling like some kind of tramp, she thought, and he did it on purpose. And yet, right before he had kissed her, he had said she was a wonder, that she had done Nate a lot of good. Had all that been insincere? Had he said it just to soften her up? She couldn't quite bring herself to believe that he had lied. Don 't be an idiot, she told herself wearily. He had probably kissed her because it had struck him at the moment as a fun thing to do, and he must have been horrified at the strength of her response to what he had intended as a casual caress. "And I'm horrified, too, " she said, and began to get ready for bed. She hung up the tomato-orange dress and stroked the soft wool sleeve with a connoisseur's pleasure. It was a beautiful thing. She had to admit she was grateful to Jeff for pushing her into spending her deposit money to buy clothes — Her deposit money. Her hand stilled on the wool. She had seen the check herself, and she knew it had been her landlord's signature. And yet — I wonder, she thought, what else Nate might have bribed the man to do. CHAPTER SEVEN LORING TAPPED ON the half-open door of Nate's upstairs sitting room and Nate grumbled under his breath and closed his book, using his thumb as a page marker. Courtney pushed a lock of hair out of her eyes and looked up from the paper she was writing on the development of conscience in children. "Miss Veronica Logan is here with some papers for you, sir, " the butler said softly. "Some things Mr. Percy sent, I believe. " "Stan Percy? " Courtney asked with a flicker of pleasure. "You met him last week, Courtney. " "I know you said you were discussing business, " she teased, "but I thought it was just an excuse to drink brandy and talk about old times. " Yet another of the senior partners, Stan Percy was nearly Nate's age. He provided some balance for the younger members of the firm, she supposed, and she had been delighted when he had come to call on Nate. "I expected he'd bring these things himself, " Nate fretted. Courtney said, with disbelief, "You mean you're not looking forward to flirting with the luscious Veronica? " Nate pursed his lips. "It's time for my nap, " he said. "If Jeff was here — " "That's how I know it's important, " Courtney muttered. "Not only is it Sunday afternoon, but she must know he's out at Lambeau Field cheering the Packers. " And, for a wonder, he'd taken Theresa's husband along, instead of Veronica. Or perhaps it wasn't so strange after all, Courtney decided; it was unseasonably cold for the last day of October. Nate looked at her hopefully. "It's only a matter of letting her hand you the papers, Courtney. " Courtney slid her essay inside the cover of her book and got up. "I'll go and talk to her, " she said with resignation. Nate flashed her the most charming smile in his repertoire. "Perhaps we can have tea together after my nap. " "That depends on how long you sleep. Theresa's party is tonight. " Veronica was in the drawing-room. She had cast her coat and gloves over the back of a chair, and she was studying the painting above the mantel. It was a very good one, Courtney thought, a study of the bay at sunrise, but hardly the thing to absorb Veronica. Courtney looked thoughtfully at the coat. Apparently Veronica wouldn't mind staying a while. She sighed inwardly and turned towards the hail. "Loring, " she said. "1 know it's a little early for tea, but if you wouldn't mind — " I haven 't been hanging around with Nate for nothing, she thought; I have learned that one can catch more flies with honey — or in this case, caffeine and cucumbers — than with vinegar. I wonder what she wants. "How charming, " Veronica said. "Tea at Hearthstone — you've grown to like all the fringe benefits of living here, haven't you? " "Who wouldn't? " Courtney kept her voice light, with an effort. "Mr. Winslow is very tired this afternoon. He asked me to take the papers for him. " "He won't be coming down? " Veronica laughed, a little bitterly. "I must say I'm not surprised. Nate Winslow can't stand the sight of me, and neither can his poker-faced butler. I'm amazed I even got inside. " If Jeff actually marries Veronica, Courtney thought, I can see that the Lorings will soon be looking for another job. It would almost be funny to think about Veronica trying to find other household help, she reflected, if it wasn't for Nate's comfort. "Of course, I have to admit it goes the other way as well, " Veronica said. "But I don't understand how you manage to get along so well with him. I do my best to be nice to Nate, no matter how I feel, because it's so very important for Jeff's sake that we get along, but 1 just can't seem to make any progress. " I wonder, Courtney thought, if that is a back-handed announcement. The cart arrived, and she kept silent while she poured Veronica's tea. The woman only looked at the sandwich tray, as if she suspected Loring of adding a bit of arsenic to the mayonnaise. "But when you came sailing in from nowhere, " she said with a puzzled note in her voice, "Nate was eating out of your hand in a matter of days. I don't understand it. "

Courtney shrugged. "I really like Nate. That's the only secret I have to share. " "You really like him, " Veronica mused, and shivered a little, very delicately. "I'm afraid 1 just can't. He's so cold and hard, and he's got such a dreadful reputation. All the scandal, you know. " Courtney said, "I think that, since his accident, Nate has come to regret some of the things he did earlier. And any scandal has certainly died down after so many years. " "It will never go away, " Veronica said scornfully. "Do you really think people could ever forget what happened to Mary Sutton? " "Mary Sutton? " Courtney said blankly. Had she ever heard that name before? "You're joking. You've never heard of her? " Courtney shook her head, and then wished that she had feigned knowledge instead. She didn't want to exchange gossip about Nate with Veronica, that was sure! "Miss Logan, I think perhaps we'd better talk about something else. " Why did I ever ask for tea, she wondered frantically, and give her an excuse to stay and chat? "You really don't know? Well, I think you'd better — since you're living here and everything. " Veronica settled herself with a little flounce. "Mary Sutton was a client of his. He was getting a divorce for her — her husband was richer than sin, but he was violent, or at least that's what she said. " Veronica's tone implied doubt. "She and Nate were on their way to the town in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan where the Suttons used to live, to get evidence for the divorce, and Nate's car hit ice — " A patch of ice on the highway outside of Iron Mountain, Michigan, put me in this chair, Nate had said. "Mary Sutton was with him? " Courtney asked, with soft horror in her voice. "Oh, yes. A passer-by pulled Nate out of the car — that's why his back injury was so bad — just as it burst into flames, " Veronica went on ruthlessly. "Mary Sutton burned to death. " "Oh, my God. " There are worse things than losing the use of your legs, Nate had said. Now, she knew what he had meant. Living with remorse, reminded every time he tried to move that he had survived while Mary Sutton hadn't — that was worse. "It was a nice cover story, wasn't it? " Veronica said. "What do you mean, cover story? " "It was all covered up very nicely. Lots of people were too afraid of Nate to talk. And they respect Jeff, so when he said that of course they were on business, nobody contradicted him. Of course, he knew the truth. Everybody in the firm did. Nate and Mary Sutton were headed for a private little resort up in the Porcupine Mountains, where they had a reservation as Mr. and Mrs. John Smith. " Courtney wasn't surprised, exactly. Jeff had told her about Nate's affairs. But to take a client to a seductive little hideaway — surely that violated the stringent code of legal ethics. "He could have lost his standing at the bar for something like that, " she said. "Yes, " Veronica agreed. "If it hadn't been so cleverly hushed up. Mary Sutton's husband wasn't fooled, of course. He burst into Nate's hospital room up in Iron Mountain and accused him of murder, then threatened to choke the life out of him. If Jeff hadn't been there, he might have done it. " "Nice guy. " Courtney was thinking of Mary Sutton's husband, but the other woman drew her own conclusion. "Oh, Nate's a wonderful person. " Veronica's tone was ironic. "So now you see why I find it hard to like him for himself — as you so helpfully suggested I try to do. So I'll just keep trying to get used to him for Jeff's sake. " Courtney thought it over. That's funny, she thought. I would have expected a lawyer to take a little more liberal attitude about human failings than the ordinary citizen would — but Veronica is still shocked by it, while I don 't feel repulsed at all. I'm very sad, of course, but I don 't feel like tarring and feathering Nate. Mary Sutton was a grown woman; she made her own choices. "If you feel so strongly about Nate, aren't you worried that Jeff might have some of the same traits? " she asked calmly. "Someone had to engineer that clever cover-up. " He's been doing that since, too, she reminded herself. Covering up little things like bribing landlords, and heaven knew what else. "Nate may have been in a hospital bed, but his brain wasn't hurt any. And of course Jeff made it clear that Nate could not go back to practicing law, you know. " Veronica sipped her tea daintily. "I'm sure you know there's been talk about you too, Courtney, " she added helpfully. "It's such an odd thing for Nate to do, all things considered — to take a young woman into his house. He's never been known as a Good Samaritan. " Courtney bit her tongue till she was certain it would bleed. Then she glanced at her watch. "Thanks so much for filling me in, Veronica. I'll let you get back to work now. " Veronica set her cup aside, unhurriedly. "I hope I didn't upset you. I just thought it was best for you to know. " She picked up her coat and gloves. "Here are Nate's papers. " The woman, Courtney thought venomously, even looks like a cat! Her high cheekbones and pointed chin — and her expression just now, like a contented Persian licking the cream off her whiskers — Why didn 't I ever see that before? As soon as Veronica's car was out of sight, Courtney dropped the envelope on the hail table, seized her coat, and went straight out into the cold. She was ready to explode, and it was beginning to dawn on her that she had been very gullible to sit and listen to all of that. What proof had Veronica offered, after all? What had she said that was more than simple speculation that Nate and Mary Sutton had been headed for a rendezvous? "It might really have been business, " Courtney told herself. "And because of Nate's reputation — well, people do love to talk. Maybe this Mr. Sutton fed the rumors, too. He'd lost his wife even before she died — maybe he just

had to find someone else to blame. " Her indignation kept her warm for the six blocks over to the Bannister house. Theresa was washing out the kitchen sink when Courtney came to the back door. She looked nothing like her ordinary sleek self; in jeans, with her hair in a ponytail, she resembled a teenage baby-sitter. When Courtney told her that, Theresa groaned. "I don't want to hear it, " she said. "I can't get a sitter to take the kids tonight, so they'll have to come to the party. What a horrible state of affairs. At least they're napping now. " "I'll take them out trick-or-treating, " Courtney offered. "You're a guest. You can't. " "I'd enjoy them more than some of the adults at the party, that's sure. " Theresa looked intrigued. "It's Veronica, " Courtney said. "She came to Hearthstone with some papers for Nate, and by the time she left —" "What's she been doing now? " Courtney hesitated. If she told Theresa what had happened, wouldn't she be guilty of the same thing that Veronica was — spreading a rumor without substantiation? She sighed. "You've known the Winslows for a long time, haven't you? " "Slightly longer than forever. " Theresa smiled reminiscently. "Jeff was my first boyfriend — I was in second grade, and I fell in love with him because he was the only boy I knew who could break a pencil with one hand. " Courtney smiled, but she was still boiling inside. "Well, Veronica just told me the most outrageous whopper about Nate's accident. " She repeated the bare outlines of the story. Theresa threw her sponge across the kitchen as hard as she could. "Damn that woman, " she stormed. Relief trickled through Courtney's veins. "It isn't true? " "Oh, it's true. Every malicious word of it is absolutely true. Nate and Mary Sutton were having a flaming affair, and they were on their way to a snug little resort, and they didn't plan to go fishing once they got there. But can't she have a little compassion for the man? He's suffered a long, long time. " "It's true? " Courtney said, in a small voice. "Oh, dammit. I suppose now I've destroyed any liking you had for Nate, haven't I? " "Of course not. I just didn't want to believe her. I wanted to think she couldn't possibly know. " "Everybody in the firm knew — he hadn't tried to keep it secret. The only thing Veronica left out was that Nate wasn't handling Mary's divorce; he handed it over to Stan Percy as soon as he decided he'd rather be Mary's lover than her lawyer. " "And technically that made it ethical? I feel a little better. " Theresa retrieved her sponge, swore at the soap mark it had left on the kitchen wall, and went back to work on the sink with renewed vigor, as if she wished it was Veronica's face she was scrubbing out of existence. "Jeff told me about Nate's affairs, " Courtney said finally. Theresa looked surprised. "That's a bit unusual. Jeff doesn't like to think about those days, much less discuss his father's behavior. And it was a long time ago. " "It's ancient history, " Courtney said absently, and then frowned. Wasn't that the expression Nate had used about his scheme to bribe her landlord? It was odd, now that she thought about it, that he would have chosen that precise phrase in talking about something that had happened just a few weeks ago. Theresa finished rinsing out the sink. "Don't misunderstand me, " she said, more calmly. "I think Nate was a fool to get involved with Mary Sutton — but he wasn't a criminal. It was just her bad luck that she was in his car that day. " "Jeff said there were a lot of women in his life. " Theresa looked up at her and said, bluntly, "Nate was like a kid in a candy store after Jeff's mother died. Mrs. Winslow was a cold fish, and she didn't care what Nate did as long as he kept it quiet. But once even that restraint was gone — " She sighed. Courtney was startled. "I thought perhaps it was only because he had lost the woman he loved. " "You are a romantic, aren't you, Courtney Martin? " It was very gentle. Courtney sighed. "Yes, I suppose I am. " "By the time I knew the Winslows, it seemed impossible that they could ever have been in love. " "Maybe they weren't, " Courtney murmured, remembering what Jeff had said. "It was tough on Jeff. I think he refused to believe what was happening while his mother was still alive. His loyalty to her — and to his father — wouldn't let him admit the truth. " "And yet he's ready to do the same thing. " "You mean, marry Veronica? " Theresa nodded. "It's past understanding, isn't it? " Courtney nodded. The sins of the fathers are sometimes visited on the sons, she thought. "But covering it up like that;" she said unhappily. "That just doesn't seem like Jeff. " “ Honor thy father was around a long time before the code of ethics for lawyers, Courtney. " Footsteps rattled across the back porch and two men burst into the kitchen, still bundled in the heavy jackets and stocking caps which were standard protection from the wind in the open stadium. Theresa looked up with a smile. "To judge by your chatter, " she said, "the Packers must have won. "Not only won, " her husband said. He picked her up and swung her around the kitchen in a bear hug. "We

murdered them. The honor of the city of Green Bay is restored. " "I'm glad you're in a good mood, because I have bad news. " Courtney blinked hard, and managed to smile at Jeff. He didn't look haunted by his past this afternoon, she thought. He looked carefree and cheerful and quite outrageously handsome. There was a sparkle in his eyes brought there by hours in the cold, and his hair was ruffled from wearing the stocking cap. Theresa had finished her explanation. "If we're stuck with the kids, we're stuck, " her husband said philosophically. "I told you I'd take them out begging, " Courtney said. "It wouldn't bother me, really — I don't even have a costume ready. " "How perfectly awful. " Theresa looked at her speculatively, and then grinned. "I've got just the thing for you to wear. " NATE WAS FRETTING when Courtney came into the drawing room. His first cup of tea had grown stone-cold on the table beside him, and the trays of pastries were untouched. "Where have you been? " he demanded. Courtney leaned over him to put a fleeting kiss on his forehead. "Getting decked out for the party. " She wasn't sure she approved of Theresa's brainstorm, but she checked the mantel clock, judged Nate's mood, and sighed. There wasn't going to be time to arrange anything else. She dumped Nate's cold tea and refilled the cup. He eyed it with a brooding expression. "It isn't the tea I like so much, " he admitted. "It's sitting and talking to you. It's lonely around here when you're gone. " "I am flattered, sir. " Play it down, she told herself. He sounds as if he could get tearfully sentimental, and that's something I don 't think I can handle this afternoon. "Courtney, there's something we should discuss. Jeff's been after me to talk to you about it. " She filled her own cup and curled up in a chair within reach of the tea cart. "I already know your guilty secret, " she said lightly. "Shame on you for bribing my landlord. " She shook her finger at him and bit into a tiny glazed cake. Nate blinked. "Landlord? " he said blankly. "Oh, that. I just thought it would be a little incentive for you to move if your rent went up. " "And the deposit money? " She looked over the colorful array on the cake stand and selected another bit of pastry. "You must have arranged that, too. " Nate had the grace to color. "Well, you were being awfully stubborn about buying clothes, " he said. She smiled at him. It was almost funny, she thought. The old fox is losing his touch, if I can see through his schemes. "Actually, " Nate said, "this is neither. It's ancient history. I wasn't going to tell you because it really doesn't matter any more, but Jeff insists that it should be brought out in the open. " Ancient history? The cake suddenly tasted like saw dust. Courtney set the remainder of it carefully on to a plate and said, "I don't understand. " Her heart was pounding so hard that it made her throat ache. Jeff had said quite clearly that they had been talking that night about the scheme to increase her rent. He lied to me, she thought. Jeff lied to me — but why? Maybe it's something different, she told herself. But the echo of the phrases she had overheard in the study that night would not quite let her believe it was coincidence. He sighed. "You haven't any idea, have you? I told Jeff your father wouldn't have ever said a word to you about it, so it didn't matter in the least. Ted and his damned pride, " he grumbled. "Too ashamed of himself to tell you, if the truth was known, I'll bet. " She didn't answer. Her hands were clenched in her lap, her knuckles like ivory. "I'll get right to the point, " he said. "When my father died years ago, he left a bequest to Ted. " And what happened to it? she wondered. Had Nate pulled some sort of legal maneuver to cheat her father out of his rightful inheritance? Oh, stop it, she thought. You've let Veronica's prejudice make you believe Nate might be capable of any sort of cheating. "He owed your father a favor, " her mother had said. Was this the other side of that hidden bit of history? "He felt that he should make some sort of provision for Ted. You see, Ted could have made a claim to the house, since it was actually built for his mother. But my father wanted Hearthstone to stay in the Winslow name, and in any case, he didn't think Ted would ever be able to afford it, so he felt it would be more practical to set up a trust fund for him instead. " Courtney's hands ached from the pressure of her clenched fingers. A trust fund that had belonged to her father would now, without question, be hers. "I hadn't talked to Ted in years when my father died, " Nate mused. "When I telephoned him about the legacy, I thought he'd be pleased that he'd been included in the will. Instead, he cut me off short. He said he didn't take anything he hadn't earned, and that he wanted no further contact with the Winslows. " "That sounds like my father, " Courtney said. "Too proud for his own good. " Nate nodded. "Asinine is a better word for it. I admit that my father put a great may condition on Ted's use of the money. I can understand why Ted might have been offended by it. " "Still, " Courtney murmured, "money is money, and it wasn't as if we couldn't have used it. " They had done without a lot of things through the years, she reflected. She wondered if her mother had thought sometimes about the comfort the Winslow money could have bought, and resented their straitened circumstances. Nate nodded. "Ted thought it was charity — taking care of the poor relative who was too dumb to look after his

own affairs. Stan Percy settled my father's estate, and he tried to explain to Ted that there was no such intention. He sent Ted all the papers necessary to claim the trust, but Ted refused to have anything to do with it. I tried, and he wouldn't even talk to me. " He shrugged. "Stan petitioned the court, and the judge said Ted was under no obligation to take anything he didn't want, so the trust was dissolved. " Hope had faded slowly as he talked, and now the last flicker died. "That's why you weren't surprised that night when I first came here, " Courtney murmured. "You really did expect that I'd turn up some day, looking for money. " "I thought it was possible. " "And that's why Jeff was so anxious to get rid of me. " Nate sighed. "Jeff was afraid you would pressure me, thinking that you were legally entitled to what your father turned down. " Then why, she wondered, had he insisted that Nate discuss it with her now? A moment's thought answered her question. Jeff probably thought that she knew it all, already, and was simply pretending ignorance while she waited for the chance to make her demands. "My son, " Nate said gently, "has a tendency to turn into a knight in shining armor whenever he smells injustice. It amuses me when he thinks I need protecting, but there it is. " She thought it was a pitifully weak attempt to bring a little humor to the situation, and she smiled dutifully. "My father never told me, " she said. "He never breathed a word. " "Of course he didn't. If he never even told you we were stepbrothers, why would he have confided the rest? You realize, of course, Courtney, that Ted's action was completely legal. He had every right to refuse the money, not only for himself but for you as well. The trust is gone — it isn't simply sitting somewhere idle, waiting for you. " She nodded impatiently, wishing that he would stop talking about it. it was bad enough to know what she had missed out on, but for him to explain it to her as though she was a child was rubbing salt in the wounds. "Oh, yes. I understand. Thanks for telling me, Nate. " There was a long silence. Finally, she said, "I really need to get ready for the party. If that's all — " His hand shot out as if to hold her there. "No. Courtney, don't go, please. I'm not finished. You see, I just don't think it's right that you've been cheated because of Ted's idiocy. At the same time — " He sighed. "Well, I'll be honest and say that my financial standing isn't as good as it once was. I didn't anticipate being forced to retire five years ago, for one thing. My assets are tied up in long-term investments, and I use nearly all of the income. Sitting in a wheelchair is an expensive occupation. " "Nate, if it hasn't dawned on you by now that I'm not after money — " She was on the thin edge of tears. "I want you to have what Ted would have got, " he said stubbornly. "It's only fair. But I can't give it to you now. I've talked to Stan Percy — that's what the papers were about this afternoon. He's writing a new will for me that gives you a share of my estate. " "Nate, I don't want your damned money! You're supporting me now — that's more than enough. " "It's not enough to satisfy me. 1 want to know that Laura's — that you are safe from financial care. " She bit her lip. "You say you've talked to Stan Percy. Have you asked Jeff what he thinks of the idea? " "Yes. Jeff thinks it's the right thing to do. " With a flash of sardonic humor, she said, "I'm sure he's really enthusiastic about it! " She jumped up from her chair and paced the carpet. Nate said, a little stiffly, "Jeff approves of what I'm doing. He understands that I have my reasons. " "He's your son, Nate. He has every right to expect to inherit what you own, not to stand by and watch as you hand it out to charity cases. " Then she knew she had gone too far. Nate's jaw tightened, and the wrinkles in his face seemed to draw closer together. An angry flush crept up his cheeks, and he said, "That's enough, Courtney. You will not insult me as Ted insulted my father. " She stood there on the carpet in front of him, her lips tight, wanting to apologize for hurting him and yet certain that she was right to refuse his generosity. "When you have regained your senses, we'll talk about this more, " he said. Ice cubes seemed to clink his voice. She knew now what he had been like in a court room, refusing to lose his temper, channeling his anger to advantage. It worked; she had to admit she was scared to death of him when he looked and sounded like this. She ducked her head, unwilling to look him in the face. The wheelchair turned smoothly and purred towards the door. She heard the echo of the motor as it crossed the marble hall and retreated to the tiny elevator at the back of the house. You 're as big a fool as your father was, she told herself wearily. The man wants to give you enough money so you 'll never have to worry again, and all you can think about is your pride and how you want to fling his gift in his face. But that wasn't all, she realized, it wasn't only her pride that was keeping her from graciously accepting Nate's offer. It was Jeff. That's silly, she told herself. He lied to you about it. God knows what he's planning — But she didn't want to hurt Jeff. Above all, she didn't want him to think badly of her. He had started out thinking she was a fortune-hunter — with some reason, she was forced to admit, now that she knew the truth. Then it had begun to seem that they could be friends. If, however, she let Nate do this absurdly generous thing for her —

"He'll think that's what I was maneuvering for all the time, " she whispered guiltily. "And 1 don't want Jeff to think that of me. I want — " She came to a sudden halt then, uncertain of precisely what it was she wanted. But she knew that somewhere deep inside her floated a craving that she couldn't quite bring into focus, a longing that was too frightening even to think about — more frightening than the goblins of Halloween could ever be. CHAPTER EIGHT "I HAD NO IDEA you were a man of so many talents, " Courtney said as she picked up the mess left by a lively game of pin-the-tail-on-the-ghost. Jeff looked up from the tub of water where he was trying to persuade Theresa's year-old son to bob for an apple. "Apparently, demonstrating apple-bobbing is not one of them. " "You get credit for trying. " Courtney kept a straight face with difficulty. Water was streaming down Jeff's cheeks and dripping from his chin on to the plastic sheet that protected the living-room carpet. His eyelashes were clumped together in wet spikes, and his hair was rolling itself neatly into damp ringlets around his face. The toddler, meanwhile, was completely dry and obviously curious as to what made adults behave in this odd way. He reached up with a chubby hand and patted Jeff's wet cheek, then turned to stare into the water. I suppose I shouldn 't laugh too loudly, Courtney told herself. I probably look just as disheveled as Jeff does, but at least I got my apple. She took another satisfying bite out of the crisp Red Delicious. No wonder Theresa celebrates Halloween, she thought. This is a lot more fun than the average cocktail party. For most of us at least, she amended, as she saw Veronica across the room. The woman was as sleekly elegant as ever, but she looked a bit bored. That's no wonder, Courtney thought; she was the only guest who hadn't entered into the spirit of the old children's games. Everyone else had at least tried them before drifting off to the more adult entertainment. Veronica probably didn't want to get her precious costume wet, Courtney decided. The woman was wearing a skin-tight black velour jumpsuit with a hood that hugged her triangular face. She had I draped her long slim tail over her arm at the moment, and she was stroking her long whiskers. What an appropriate choice, Courtney thought. I wonder if she read my mind today and caught me thinking that she 'd make a wonderful cat. The toddler reached into the tub of water and pulled out a shiny Granny Smith. He tugged at Jeff's hand and showed off his prize, as if to say that he had found a much easier way than the one Jeff wanted him to try. Jeff groaned. "This kid is impossible, " he announced. "A man of few words, and logical all the way. " He set the toddler down, and the child ran to Courtney to display his apple. The knees of Jeff's costume — a borrowed Green Bay Packer football uniform — were soggy from the puddles that had collected around the wooden tub. He wiped the water off his face with the back of his hand. Courtney threw him a towel. "You're going to get pneumonia if you don't get dry, " she warned. "Look who's talking. " His gaze drifted over her brief costume as he rubbed his hair dry, and a warm flush seemed to spread over Courtney's entire body. On Theresa, she thought, the outfit had probably been relatively modest. Theresa would have made a cute and charming parlor maid in the short black dress, organdie apron and cap, and sheer black stockings. But Courtney was quite a bit taller, so the hemline left considerably more leg open to view. Now and then, a delicate garter peeked out from under the frothy petticoat, no matter how hard she tried to be careful. In addition, the neckline that had seemed quite acceptable when she had tried the costume on that afternoon now seemed to be getting lower by the moment, as Jeff watched "Don't laugh, " she said. "It was the best we could do at short notice. " "Who's laughing? " he asked softly. "I'm enjoying the view. If you ever decide not to be a teacher, Courtney, you'll have no trouble at all working as an upstairs maid — all you'd have to do to get hired is show up for your job interview wearing that outfit. " She looked up at him with a challenge in her eyes. "I don't find that particularly funny. And I don't plan to change my mind about teaching. Kids are my business. " "You're good with them. " She blinked a little at the note of sincerity in his voice. It was the first time Jeff had ever seemed to take her ambitions seriously. Or, she asked herself, was it just one more way to keep her off balance? She hadn't had a chance to confront him about her conversation with Nate; by the time she had gotten into her costume, Derek had been waiting for her, and this was the first time all evening that they'd even exchanged words. But we're going to discuss it, JeffWinslow, she told herself firmly. The first chance I get, I am going to demand an explanation of why you didn 't tell me the truth that night. Most of Jeff's hair was standing on end in damp peaks by the time he had finished with the towel. "You could benefit from a mirror, " Courtney told him. She reached up to smooth his hair back into place. A silky voice behind her said, "Jeff, aren't you ready to stop acting like child and come and play wit the grown-ups? " Veronica strolled around Courtney and snuggled up next to Jeff. Derek was right behind her. He was wearing a bonnet and bib, and his oversized diaper was held up by suspenders over a set of old red flannel

underwear. He was carrying the largest soft-drink bottle Courtney had ever seen, with a plastic nipple attached to the cap, and he was dragging a knitted blanket. "Yeah, " he said plaintively. "When are you guys going to tuck the kids in and join the real party? " "That certainly sounds domestic, " Jeff mused, and eyed the pacifier hanging around Derek's neck on a string. Derek grinned and rubbed his chin against Courtney's hair. "You can even tuck me in, Courtney, if I can take you along as my teddy bear, " he murmured suggestively. "Can it, McLean, " Jeff said firmly. Courtney glared at him. "I am quite capable of handling this without your interference, Jeff Winslow. " Veronica tucked her hand under Jeff's arm. "I'm sure she is, " she purred. "Any woman who thinks that being a ringmaster in a kindergarten classroom is really a career ought to be able to handle anything. " The dim lights made her look even more like a jungle animal. "I'd watch out Derek. She probably plans to have at least a dozen little brats herself. " Derek tensed beside her. Jeff looked amused which made Courtney even more furious. What Derek had said, after all, was only teasing, but Veronica was being downright malicious. "Actually, " Courtney said, "I've only planned on having six. I'm so sorry to disappoint you with the shortage. " "Have you really? " Derek asked, delightedly. The tension had gone out of him in a rush. "I knew you liked kids, of course, but I had no idea — " The humor had gone out of Jeff s eyes. He was watching her, Courtney thought, as if she was some sort of malformed specimen in a bottle. She shivered. "Derek, get her a coat or something, " Veronica added, with an artless shrug. "Courtney, you poor thing — you look as if you're covered in goose-pimples. They're so unattractive on a woman, don't you think? And you're positively blue around the edges, too. " "Don't worry about her, " Derek said brightly. "I'll share my blanket. " He spread it out on the couch and tucked Courtney into the middle of it before she could even protest. "I think we'll be perfectly comfortable here now. " He slipped an arm behind Courtney's shoulders, settled her against his side, and dismissed Jeff and Veronica with a grin. Courtney might have protested the familiarity, except that she hadn't realized how chilly she was getting in the brief costume. Besides, she thought, at the moment all she wanted was for Jeff and Veronica to go away and leave her alone. I needn 't be so worried, she thought. Jeff looks as if he would be happy never to see me again. And that goes for me, too, she reminded. Once I find out why he lied to me — "Did you mean it? " Derek asked. "About the six kids? " "What? " She dragged her thoughts ruthlessly back from the way Veronica was clinging to Jeff's arm across the room, and frowned. It was odd, she thought, that she had brought the subject up at all, because she hadn't thought of that childhood wish in years. Courtney had been not just an only child, but a lonely one as well. As a little girl, she had asked her mother time and again, with a child's insensitivity to a parent's pain, why she couldn't have a brother or a sister, and when the answer hadn't satisfied her, she had whiled away hours by dreaming of the family she would some day have. She had even named her pretend children, and planned their futures. But as Courtney grew older, she had dismissed the dream of a houseful of kids, it had only been the irrational longings of a solitary little girl. She no longer thought that a child without siblings was necessarily a lonely child, and she had even come to believe that she could find contentment in teaching other people's children, if fate said she was to have none of her own. But now, she had voiced again that almost-forgotten fantasy. My psychology professor would have great fun analyzing me, she thought. He would probably say that I'm beginning to feel the ticking of my biological clock, telling me that if I want a family I'd better not wait too long to start. "Reality has a way of interfering with plans like that, Derek, " she said finally. "Raising half a dozen kids would be as expensive a hobby as racing horses, I'm afraid — and I don't think I could afford a stable on a teacher's salary. " Derek chuckled. "That's certainly true, " he said. "But I still think it's terrific. Not many women want a big family any more, especially if they also want a career. Can you imagine Veronica surrounded by six little kids? " Courtney couldn't. If Veronica was to have children at all, she thought, the woman would probably hand them straight to a nurse and a nanny, and consider herself overburdened if she saw them for five minutes a day. "I hope, " she said dryly, "that she installs a better heating system in Hearthstone's attic before she turns it into a nursery. " "She'd probably like to, wouldn't she? " Derek laughed. "Fortunately, that's Jeff's problem, and not ours. " Just then Theresa's toddler wriggled between them and snuggled down in the blanket with a sleepy little sigh; Derek raised an eyebrow at the child and said, with a smile, "Well, I guess this comes with the territory. I'd better get used to it, hadn't I? " Courtney had a sudden glimpse of what he was thinking — a vision of herself and Derek, surrounded by children — and she was astounded at the repugnance that rose in her. She swallowed an uneasy lump in her throat. That's not what I meant, Derek, she thought. That's not what I meant at all. BUT WHY HAD SHE reacted so strongly at the mere suggestion that she might marry Derek, share his home, raise his children? The question nagged at her long after the party ended. It wasn't that she didn't like him, she told herself

uneasily. He was a very personable young man, pleasant, charming, delightful. He had a good job and earned a wonderful income, and it sounded as if he was very serious about her. He was, in short, a man any sensible girl would give her right arm to have. "So, " she asked herself aloud, "what's wrong with you, Courtney Martin? " Why wasn't she ready to jump at the chance he offered? Because, she told herself, he isn 't the man I want. I see no sparks when he kisses me; I feel no hunger when he's not beside me. But you said, the sensible half of her mind taunted, that you wanted a man who accepted you for what you were, who believed as you do in your career Derek thinks it's wonderful that you want to teach and he would never push you to be something different. You should appreciate that and treasure it as the rarity it is. You 've been looking for a long time. She was too restless to go to bed, so she put on her long warm robe and curled up on the windowseat and pulled the curtain aside so she could look out over the frozen garden to the river. Winter is here, she thought. So suddenly had it sneaked up on them that she had scarcely noticed. The trees were completely bare now, their naked branches shivering in the cold wind. The scrap of river that she could see from her bedroom window had a silvery cast in the weak moonlight, as though ice crystals were beginning to form along its banks. Soon the winter's heavy clouds would come, and snow would follow. Courtney had always savored the winter; the bitter, bleak beauty of it tugged at her heart. She loved to ski, to ice-skate, or just to tramp along the paths that others abandoned for a warmer day. She loved the other seasons, too: the relief of a gentle spring after the harshness of Wisconsin winter, the balmy brightness of summer with its age-long days, the jewel colors of autumn against the stormy waters of the bay. But winter was her favorite. Not for Courtney the blandness of a warmer and more predictable climate; the changing seasons of Green Bay filled a need in her — a necessity for change and growth. Was it time to take on a new challenge? Exactly how did she feel about Derek? "You'd be an idiot to turn him down flat, " she told herself crisply. "Nate's right about that. If you're going to marry, you might as well make a sensible choice And Derek is certainly sensible, as well as pleasant — " He had not asked her to marry him, she reminded herself. She had been a bit startled that he had said the things he had in front of Jeff, as if he didn't care who heard him. And yet, exactly what had he said? Nothing that committed him to a proposal, that was sure. Just as well, she told herself. She certainly was in no hurry to make that sort of choice. There was a soft rap at the door. It might be the nurse, she thought. Nate might need her. Instead, it was Jeff who stood outside her door. The Packer uniform that he had worn to the party had been discarded in favor of a red and white Scandinavian ski sweater and well-worn jeans, and his forehead was creased as if something was bothering him. "Is it Nate? " she asked breathlessly. He shook his head. "No. I just wanted to talk to you. May I come in? " She stepped back, a little reluctantly. You wanted to get an explanation from him, she reminded herself. Now's your chance. Nevertheless, she found herself asking. "Why right now? It's well after the witching hour, you know. " "Because it's impossible to have a private conversation with you in this house any more, that's why. You're either with Derek or with Nate, or Loring is hanging around and making a general nuisance of himself. " He looked frustrated. And just what does Jeff want to tell me that can 't be said in front of those people? The question sent shivers through her bones. Not tonight, she thought. I just don 't want to deal with anything more tonight. I'll ask him tomorrow about why he lied to me. "It isn't fair, you know, " she murmured. "Damned right it isn't. " He flung himself down in one of the jade green chairs before the fireplace and stretched his feet out towards the dying flames. "Loring never builds a fire in my bedroom. He spoils you rotten, Courtney. " "I wasn't talking about Loring, " she disagreed. "I meant that it isn't fair that you look so good in that sweater when Theresa tells me I can't ever wear red. Look at us, Jeff. " Stop this silly babbling, she told herself, and went on anyway. "Your hair is nearly the same shade as mine, and we both have brown eyes. Why should you be able to wear red, when I can't? " "I didn't come here to discuss sweater colors. " "Then why are you here? It's late, and you really shouldn't be in my bedroom at this hour. It doesn't look decent. " "Who will know? Besides, you and Derek snuggling in that blanket weren't exactly decent, either, but the fact that you had an audience didn't stop you. " "So that's what's bothering you. You're not my guardian. " She knelt on the hearth and stretched 1 her hands out to the fire. "And frankly, I can't imagine why you think it has anything to do with you. "Oh, really? You can't understand that I'm concerned because you're living in my house? " "I suppose you're about to lay down the rules, as if I was thirteen years old! Come off it. What Derek and I do is none of your business. " "If you keep this up, he's going to ask you to marry him. " She half turned, and stared up at him through narrowed eyes. "How do you know that he hasn't done so

already? " "You can't mean that you are actually going to accept him? " "Why shouldn't I? You're the one who says marriage partners should be comfortable and know the rules. " He shook his head. "You're a better actress than I thought you were, Courtney. I believed what you've been telling Nate all this time, about love being so important to you. " "Maybe I love Derek. Can you honestly say one word against him? " Jeff ran one hand through his hair, leaving it standing wildly on end. "Yes, I can. " "Well, I don't want to hear it. Anyway, I thought you and Derek were friends. " "He's damned dull. " "If you mean he's reliable, perhaps that's what I'm looking for. " It seemed to amuse him. "Oh, be sensible. He'd bore you to death in a week. " The dismissing tone made her furious, especially because he had hit on something she had only half realized for herself. She would be bored with Derek. She picked up the poker and jabbed viciously at the fire, sending a shower of sparks up the chimney. "He might be dull, " she said curtly, "but at least he's ethical. He doesn't go around telling lies to cover up more lies. " "Now wait just a minute. What do you mean by that? " She got to her feet and dug her clenched fists deep into the pockets of the plush robe. "You told me that you and Nate were talking about my landlord that night in the study. It wasn't a very convincing story at the time, but I suppose it was the best you could do at a moment's notice. " He had the grace to blush. Or, Courtney asked herself, was it just the reflection of the firelight against his red sweater? "It wasn't my business to tell you. " "Did you have to lie about it? " Her voice was rising. "You could have told me to ask Nate. " "I didn't want you to nag him about it. And what I told you was true — it just wasn't quite the whole truth. " She jabbed at the fire again. "And then you kissed me so I'd forget to think about the matter any more, is that it? I had no idea you could be so calculating, Jeff Winslow. " "Did it make you forget? " He sounded more curious than upset. "No, it didn't! I suppose you think I've known about that trust fund all along. " "It seemed a logical assumption. " "That's the problem with you, Jeff. You're so damned logical you forget about common sense sometimes. " "Courtney, you're shouting. If you don't want anyone to know I'm in here — " "I am not shouting! I am expressing my opinion forcefully, in the hope that you'll listen for once! " "You were eavesdropping that night, you know. If you didn't like the results, that's your own fault. " She spun around from the window to stare at him, her mouth dropping open in shock. "Oh, that's just great, " she said. "Go ahead; try to put the blame on me. " He rose lazily from his chair. "You shouldn't have been listening at keyholes. " "And you should learn to hold private, discussions in private places! " "That's what I am trying to do, " he pointed out, coming across the room to her. "I came up here because I thought you should be warned about Derek's intentions. " "What is so blasted awful about Derek asking me to marry him? Leave Derek out of this, and stop trying to change the subject. You lied to me. " His hands closed on her shoulders. "I told you a partial truth because I'd promised Nate that I wouldn't be the one to bring up the trust fund. After all, 1 had every reason to believe that you already knew all the details. " She kicked out at him, goaded beyond endurance. "I don't have to listen to any more excuses, Jeff. " He took a single step closer, and suddenly all the air in her lungs seemed to vanish, forced out of her by the sudden impact of her body colliding with his. She swayed against him and managed to moan, "What the hell do you think you're doing? " "Expressing my opinion forcefully, " he mocked, "in the vain hope that you'll listen for once. " Then his mouth came down on hers, and in that instant all the universe was blotted out, till the only reality left for Courtney was the hard support of Jeff's arms and the shattering demands he was making upon her. The Army Corps of Engineers could have dynamited her bedroom just then, and Courtney would not have noticed. She murmured a frantic little protest with the last ounce of oxygen she possessed, and he relaxed his hold slightly and began to stroke her body, with long, firm caresses that made her want to arch her body against him and purr. Suddenly she realized that she didn't have to breathe any more. If he released her now, she thought hazily, she would be in even greater danger of suffocation than if he continued to hold her close. She burrowed closer to him, and as he tasted her surrender his caresses grew more demanding, until it seemed to Courtney that she had no will-power left, no desire to contradict anything he might ask of her. She had no more se1f-contro1 than a puppet who danced without question to the urging of the master's hand... And just so was he manipulating her, she realized through a sort of dim fog. It took every ounce of strength she possessed to pull herself back from the warm shelter of his body, to step away into the cold loneliness again. He did not try to hold her; it was not his muscular strength she had to fight, but her own traitorous wish. "I've been wanting to do that all evening, " he said huskily. "Every time I looked at you. " She steadied her voice with an effort. "Theresa will be gratified that the costume got results, I'm sure. " He shook his head, and the sudden warmth in his eyes was enough to send shock-waves through her body. "It

wasn't the costume, and you know it, Courtney. " She had to look away. The magnetism of his voice was difficult enough to resist, but the invitation in his eyes was more than she could bear. "Am I supposed to be flattered? " she asked. "You lied to me, Jeff. " "Oh, hell, are we back to that again? " He threw himself down in the chair before the fire. "Yes, I lied. And the next day I went to Nate and withdrew my promise. I told him that if he didn't get the trust straightened out, I was going to — because I didn't want to be caught in the middle any more. " Courtney stared at him. "You did? " "Shall we go wake Nate up right now and ask him why he suddenly changed his mind and told you about it? Dammit, if you think I am capable of that sort of conduct, you don't know me very well. There are times that my job would be easier if I could lie with a straight face, but I can't do it. " "You've done pretty well at it with me, " she said quietly. "And his new will? Nate said you agreed to that, too. " "Yes, I did. " He sounded defiant. "If it soothes Nate's conscience, it's fine with me. It certainly isn't going to impoverish me if he leaves you half of his holdings. " "Half! " it was almost a shriek. "Dammit, Courtney, will you be quiet? Keep this up and you'll rouse the whole house. " "He never told me it was half. " She sounded frantic. "He said he wanted me to have what my father would have got. " "Well, it figures out to about half of what he's got now. " "I can't take it. I won't. " She dropped to her knees on the hearth beside his chair. "Please, Jeff, you have to understand that I didn't know. Surely you can bring him to his senses before he does anything so crazy. " "He doesn't think it's crazy. " "I'll refuse it. " He looked at her in silence for a long moment; then he reached down and tipped her face up to his, so the firelight reflected in her eyes. "I begin to think, " he mused, "that we don't know each other so very well after all. Perhaps we ought to do some thing about that. " "What do you mean? " she whispered. "We both want what's best for Nate. Perhaps, if we got to know each other better, we might even find that we could be friends. " He rubbed a gentle finger across the shadowed hollow in her cheek. "How about it? I've got tickets to a play tomorrow. Want to go with me — friend? " "Why? Is Veronica busy? " Then she swallowed hard and ducked her head, ashamed of herself. "I'd like to go with you. " He smiled slowly, and raised her hand to his face, kissing her palm and then letting her fingers rest gently against his jaw. "Goodnight, Courtney. " She nodded slowly and followed him to the door. "Goodnight, Jeff, " she whispered. "Sleep well. " "Don't count on it. " He was gone with the soft tread of a wild thing, and the sudden stillness of the room made Courtney shiver. She climbed into bed and lay there for a long while, watching the silver bars of moonlight creep across the: oyster-white carpet as the night advanced, thinking of Jeff. How odd, she told herself sleepily, that Jeff's offer of friendship meant so much more to her than Derek's half-proposal of marriage. How nice it would be, she thought then, if the two of them were only reversed. She would be pleased to be Derek's friend. And life could hold no greater happiness than for her to be Jeff's wife... She was so near sleep that the idea didn't even come as a shock, but as a deep and lasting truth that had been hiding in the corners of her mind for what seemed for ever. I love him. I think I'll always love him. CHAPTER NINE THE CONVICTION THAT she had fallen in love with Jeff hadn't gone away when morning came. And, even though the very idea made Courtney feel uneasy and a little quivery inside, it also felt reassuring, in an odd way. For it explained so many things that had nagged at her in the past few weeks — the way they quarreled over everything or nothing at all, the fact that she didn't find marrying Derek an attractive idea when all logic said she should — even the absurd and unreasonable jealousy of Veronica that Courtney had felt since the day she first went into the law office to seek Nate out. Veronica, she thought. Where does Veronica fit into this? She had certainly implied that she and Jeff had an understanding, and yet — He kissed me tonight as I've never been kissed in all my life, Courtney reminded herself. And he said that he"d been wanting to kiss me all evening — But a little voice in the back of her brain reminded, that doesn 't mean anything at all. Just because you "ve never felt this way before, it doesn 't mean that it was anything unusual for Jeff She overslept in the morning and didn't even have time for a cup of coffee. Fortunately, her bus was late, too, and she was standing on the corner, peering down the street for its headlights, when the silver Mercedes pulled up beside her. Just remembering the way he had kissed her last night sent warm color over her face. "You're late this morning, too, " she said, and wished that she didn't sound so shy and tongue-tied. "Nate wanted to chat, " he said. "I'll take you to school. " "The bus is coming. "

"Would you rather take it than ride with me? " There was a trace of amusement in his voice. "Get in, Courtney. " She got in. "I just didn't want you to be late. " "Any later than I already am, " he agreed. He sounded a little preoccupied. "Do you have an important case coming up? " she asked. He never talked much about his work, and she had never asked. Now, suddenly, she wanted to know all about it, but it felt awkward to ask. "Oh, there's always something important cropping up when you least expect it. " And it was apparent, she thought, that he didn't intend to tell her what it was. So she didn't ask any more questions, but stared out instead at the glimpses of stormy grey water as they sped along the highway beside the bay. At the campus he said, "See you tonight, Courtney. " She leaned back into the car to get her backpack and said hesitantly, "Are we still going to the play? " He smiled, then, and reached across the car to muss her hair with a casual hand. "Of course, " he said. "Don't ” mind me this morning. It"s going to be a busy day, and I've got a late start, that s all. " "And I've made you even later, " she said guiltily. "Two whole minutes, maybe. " He grinned at her, and her heart turned over. "Please don't apologize to me, Courtney. The shock might be too much for my heart. " *#* *#* *#* *#* *#* THEY WENT TO the play, and afterwards to an all-night restaurant where they drank coffee and ate stacks of blueberry pancakes and talked. At least, Courtney tried to talk. Jeff was quiet and unusually subdued, she thought, and though he asked questions and smiled charmingly, there was a distant look in his eyes that frightened her. She was miserable, and she found herself wishing that he would let rip at her, just so she could be certain that it really was Jeff sitting across the table, and not, some pale ghost instead. She was glad when he suggested they go home. In the blue shadows of the wee hours of the morning, he said goodnight to her in the upstairs hail at Hearthstone. He held her hands for a long moment and looked searchingly down into her eyes in the dim light, but he did not attempt to kiss her. Courtney didn't know whether to be relieved or angry. After all, he had certainly seemed to enjoy the other times he had kissed her — She lay awake, trying to convince herself that there hadn't really been anything wrong, that the strain she had felt between them had all been in her imagination. "Oh, stop it, " she told herself firmly, as the grandfather clock in the downstairs hall tolled the hours. "You know better than that. You know darned well that there was a problem, and you also know what caused it. You were trying too hard to make every thing pleasant, so he'd realize how lovable you really are. You knew it, and Jeff knew it, and rather than embarrass you by telling you how silly you were being, he was just quietly uncomfortable. " She turned her pillow over and buried her face in it and tried to pretend that it didn't matter. But the satin case was damp when morning came. She spent a great deal of time that week taking long cross country tramps in the cold. Jeff didn't invite her out again, and when he was at Hearthstone he spent most of his time in his basement workshop. One night he took Veronica to the ballet. Courtney spent that evening playing chess with Nate, getting badly beaten, and lecturing herself on the foolishness of thinking herself in love with someone who so obviously preferred Veronica's company to her own. And when Derek phoned and interrupted the chest game to ask if she'd go to dinner with him on the following Saturday, she accepted without an instant's hesitation. There was no sense in sitting around Hearthstone giving in to the glooms, she told herself. On Saturday afternoon Nate was grouchy, and he snapped at Courtney twice. "Are you coming down with something? " she asked suspiciously. "It's only a frog in my throat, " he growled, and sneezed as if to punctuate the statement. She folded her arms across her chest and stared down at him. "Nate, are you getting a cold? " "Can't a man even have a tickle in his throat without you starting an inquisition? " he grumbled. "And don't hover over me; I hate it when you fuss. " "All right, I'll go for a walk. And since I won't be around to yell at, you might as well have your nap early. " "You"ll catch your death of cold, walking in this weather, " Nate said irritably. She found Jeff in his workshop. The Pembroke table looked just the same to her; she didn't see how the surface could have got any smoother, but he was still working on it. He looked up in surprise when she came in, and sighed when she sat down on the corner of the workbench and told him about Nate sneezing. "I know it was only a sneeze, " she said unhappily. "Did you tell Atwood about it? " She nodded. "And Nate yelled at me for that, too. " "Then that's all you can do, Courtney. If Nate refuses to take care of himself, you can't force him. " "Well, I thought you should know. Darn it, Jeff, I"m scared even to leave him to go for a walk. " "You can't keep him safe by holding his hand. " Jeff rubbed the sandpaper across the edge of the table once more and set it down. "And perhaps it is only a scratchy throat, Courtney. I've had a bit of that since the cold weather started. " "That's because you don't get enough fresh air. Every molecule that goes into our lungs is heated and dried out. It's a wonder any of us can breathe by spring. "

"And what do you recommend? " he asked mildly. "Walks. Fast, brisk walks in the cold. I"m going out for a short one now, to shake the fidgets out. " "Mind if I come along? " "Come along? " she repeated weakly. But why would he want to? she thought. After avoiding her all week — "We did say we were going to work on being friends, " he reminded. He seemed to be watching her very closely. "It"s been a pretty frantic week, but this seems like a good opportunity. " A frantic week? Was that all — could it be all that was wrong? She didn't look at him. "Sure, " she said. "Why not? " Walking, she thought, much later. What a simple, casual word for a very special way to spend an afternoon. She set a fast pace, and they were nearly to the bay before Jeff grabbed her hand and pulled her almost off her feet to slow her down. "If you didn't want me to come along, you should have said so instead of trying to run away from me, " he announced. "And if this is your definition of a short walk, what's a long one? A stroll clear around Lake Michigan? " She tried to pretend that the color in her cheeks was only because of the cold wind, and not from the guilty knowledge that she would walk on for ever as long as he was beside her. They ended up at Bay Beach, the amusement park nestled along the verge of Green Bay, where the parking lots were empty and the rides were closed and covered for the winter. Instead of being desolate, though, the loneliness of the park felt to Courtney like a paradise, as if they had a tiny corner of the world all to themselves as they stood on the shore and watched the whitecaps smash against the rocks. Jeff spotted a freighter making its slow and careful way across the bay towards Lake Michigan, and they speculated about its destination and its cargo. It was going to Panama, Jeff said, while Courtney held out for Finland. The waves crashed; the gulls called; the low clouds rolled and tossed. He put his arm casually around her to shelter her from the wind and Courtney thought that she could ask no more of life than this. She looked up at him and smiled. "I ought to know better than to do this, " he muttered, "but to hell with it. " He pulled her close. His mouth was like ice against hers for a moment, and then there was no cold any more, no wind, no spray, just the two of them locked together in a private sort of world, a world where nothing could intrude, where the only reality was their hunger for each other. And when at last he raised his head, , there was a tremor in his voice as he said, "Good God, it"s a wonder we didn't fall into the bay. " They walked home, slowly, and talked of many things, but not of what had happened to them on the rocky shore. They didn't ignore it, exactly; it was there in every word, in every touch, in every glance. But it was almost too special, too fragile, to talk about just yet, Courtney thought. It had all happened so quickly and she knew, with a special little quiver in her heart, that some day soon, when they sorted it all out, she was going to be very happy... "Walking, " Nate muttered, when they burst into Hearthstone and demanded their tea. His tossed his magazine aside and looked from one wind-reddened face to the other. "Well, I"m glad you like to live dangerously. " He seemed to be back to his normal querulous self, Courtney thought in relief. Perhaps he'd just been more tired than usual. "Live dangerously? " she repeated. "But we don't. We looked both ways before we crossed the streets, didn't we, Jeff? " "Always. " Jeff reached for a tiny sandwich and popped it into his mouth whole. "Let's go to Cocoa's tonight, Courtney. " "I can't. " Courtney poured Jeff's tea and handed him the delicate cup and saucer. "I promised Derek I'd go to dinner with him. " Jeff looked a little sulky. Courtney pretended not to notice, but her heartbeat started to skip a little faster. From now on, she wanted to say to him, I'll tell Derek no. From now on, all my days are yours. There was a tiny, troubled frown written deep into Nate's forehead. Courtney wondered, briefly, what was bothering him. But then she started thinking of Jeff again, instead. AT THE STROKE OF MIDNIGHT, in a quiet little restaurant along the shore of Green Bay, with champagne hissing gently in their glasses, Derek asked her to marry him. As gently as she could, Courtney told him that she simply couldn't make the commitment he asked of her. Her stiff little speech over, she stared miserably into her glass. The wine tasted sadly flat all of a sudden. I wish I hadn 't come tonight, she thought. It sounds like such a silly reason to refuse him — an excuse, really, as if I've only been using him all this time. As if I never took him seriously at all. If I could only tell Derek about Jeff, and how I feel about him — he 'd understand, I know. But she couldn't, of course, and so the stiff little refusal would have to stand by itself. And if Derek was hurt by it, then she was very, very sorry. He looked at her thoughtfully over the rim of his glass for a long while. Finally he said, "I'm not giving up so easily, Courtney. I've rushed you — thinking that because I was so sure of what I felt, you must feel the same. " He was a dear, she thought, and could almost find it in her heart to wish that it had been him she 1oved. Derek would make a much easier husband than Jeff would, that was sure. She blushed a little at that, and Derek smiled triumphantly. "You see? I won't bother you about it, but I'm not going away either. Because I think that someday you'll be glad I waited for you to know your own mind. " She could only shake her head and suggest that it was time to go home. Hearthstone was ablaze with light. The yellow glow poured from every window, and at the front door Loring

was hovering nervously. He hadn't waited up for her in weeks, and she hurried up the front steps, wondering what could have happened to bring so much activity to the house in the middle of the night. Loring greeted her with relief. "Mr. Nathan has been asking for you, " he said. "He wants you to come up to his bedroom. " Go to Nate's room? The bedroom no one was ever allowed to come into? She ran up the stairs, terror clenching at her throat, and tapped softly at the closed door. Jeff opened it. "So you're finally home. " She barely noticed the curt tone of his voice. The rasping sound of Nate's breathing filled the room. "What happened? " "Well, you were right about him coming down with something. Atwood thinks it's pneumonia. There's an ambulance on the way. " "But he looked so much better at tea time! " She guiltily remembered that she and Jeff had been so absorbed in each other that there hadn't been much chance to think of Nate. From the bed came a hoarse voice. "Courtney? " "He's been asking for you since I got here, " Jeff said. Courtney hurried across to the bed. She brushed a gentle hand over Nate's hot forehead and said with a smile that shook a little, "I hear you decided you needed some extra attention. " "Courtney. " It was a sigh of relief. His hand closed tightly over hers, and his eyelids fluttered shut, as if to say that now she was there, he could relax a little. Courtney felt incredibly helpless, standing there beside the bed, not knowing what to do, waiting for the ambulance to come. Suddenly, Nate started to shiver, racking chills shaking his body. "I'm so cold, " he muttered, and started to cough. "Dammit, Jeff, where is Atwood? " she asked in a frightened whisper. "Shouldn't he be taking care of his patient? " "I'm right here, Miss. " The nurse had come in so silently that she hadn't heard. "The ambulance is here now to take you to the hospital, Mr. Winslow. " "I don't want to go, " Nate muttered, wheezing a little and holding the side of his chest with one hand, where the pain was worst. "Courtney — " She moved around the bed and took his hand again. "I'll be right with you, Nate, as long as you want me. " She looked up then, and the expression she saw in Jeff's eyes as he stared at her from the foot of the bed startled her. Was it resentment? , she wondered. Did he feel that she was forcing her way into the place that should be his? Was it anger? Or was it some other emotion altogether that was lighting those dark brown eyes? She had plenty of time to wonder about it, through the night. The nurse brought her a chair and she sat beside Nate, pillowing her forehead on the cold steel rail of his hospital bed, her fingers intertwined with his. Once she tried to pull gently away, thinking that he would rest better without her there, and he woke with a start, fear overflowing from his dark eyes and his breathing rapid and shallow behind the plastic oxygen mask, so she settled herself again on the hard chair, prepared to stay as long as they would let her. Jeff came in at irregular intervals, stayed a few minutes, paced till she thought he would wear the color off the floor tiles, and vanished again. He had little to say to Nate, and no words at all for Courtney. She watched him, and wished that there was something she could say to comfort him. It isn 't that your father doesn 't want you, Jeff, she wanted to tell him. If you weren 't here, he 'd be asking for you. But you 're too upset right now to sit still and hold his hand, and that's what he needs — reassurance and comfort. I can give him that, and I want to — for your sake as well as his. The morning came with no change that Courtney could see, despite the medication the doctor had ordered during the night. Nate knew, too, that he was no better, she thought. He looked exhausted and defeated, even though the doctor said that improvement should come rapidly once the antibiotics had a chance to work. After a particularly bad spell of coughing, Nate let his head fall back on to the pillow and whispered, "I want Jeff. " "I'll get him, " Courtney promised. "I think I'll go and have a cup of coffee while he's with you. " "I'm a selfish old fool, " he muttered, "but I don't want you to leave me at all. Come back soon, Courtney. " The plea touched her heart. He was badly frightened, she thought. He certainly didn't sound much like the man who used to bellow about being pitied. Jeff was asleep in a chair in the waiting-room down the hall. Even unconscious, he looked tense, as though sleep had caught him unexpectedly in mid-motion. She put a gentle hand on his shoulder, and he came awake and was on his feet in an instant. "Nate wants you, " she said. "I'm going down to the cafeteria. Shall I bring you something? " He shook his head and ran a hand through his hair, leaving it standing on end in all directions. Courtney had to smile at the effect, despite the anxiety in his eyes. "Here, " she said. "I don't have a comb either, but surely I can't make it look any worse than you did. " He bent his head, and she used her fingertips to brush the strands back into place. The softness of his hair sent tingles through her hands, and she longed to pull his face down to hers and try to smooth the tension away with her mouth. "You do specialize in taking care of people, don't you, Courtney? " he said. His voice was a little gruff with the aftermath of sleep. "Sitting beside Nate's bed all night — " "It's no more than anyone else would have done, " she said, trying to keep her tone light. "It's a hell of a lot more. You're an extraordinary person, Courtney Martin — do you know that? " His hands

cupped her face gently, turning it up to his, and his fingertips massaged her temples. Suddenly, despite her concern for Nate, a beam of sunshine suddenly seemed to bounce through the window, lighting up the room and her own spirit as well. "Nate's waiting for you, " she reminded him. Jeff looked down at her for a long moment. "We'll talk about it later, " he said. "I just wanted you to know that I appreciate — oh hell. " He pulled her close, and Courtney's heart started to hammer out a tympani rhythm, each beat threatening to knock her over. His kiss was hard and quick and abrupt, just the firm pressure of his mouth against hers for an instant, and then nothing, as if it had never happened. He was gone, leaving her standing limply in the middle of the waiting room, her fingers pressed against her lips where the hard pressure of his kiss still throbbed. IT WAS NEARLY an hour later when she returned to Nate"s room, refreshed and rested. Just outside the door, Veronica was bending over her sleek black leather briefcase, which she had balanced on the arm of a chair. What on earth, Courtney wondered, is that woman doing here? Surely she isn 'tplanning to soothe Nate"s fevered brow. Unless, of course, she had come to show Jeff what a humanitarian she was. If that was her goal, she seemed to be failing; Jeff was standing in the doorway, as if barring her entry, and he looked impatient. He had an envelope in his hand, and he was tapping it against the door-jamb. Actually, Courtney thought, it was rather an amusing sight. "I think I should witness it, " Veronica said. "To preserve the chain of possession. " "And I think a couple of the nurses will do just as well. So if you'll go sit down, Veronica — " The woman"s shudder was a thing of artistic beauty. "You needn't think I'm anxious to come in, " she pointed out. "That room must be seething with germs. But Stan Percy asked me to bring that over because he couldn't get away himself on a Sunday morning. " "Yes, I know, " Jeff said tartly. "Believe me, I didn't ask Stan to send you over here. " Veronica didn't seem to hear. "But I simply cannot square it with my code of ethics to let that will go out of my hands. " "The will! " Courtney hurried over to them, her amusement forgotten, and Veronica drew delicately away, as if afraid that she'd be contaminated. "Jeff, you're not going to let him sign that now, are you? It isn't fair to you, and he hardly knows what he's doing. " Jeff glared at her. "What difference does it really make, Courtney? I think he"ll rest more comfortably once it's done. And if he wants to tear it up next week, he can. " There was a curious glint in Veronica"s eyes as she watched them. "I hardly think I ought to be listening in on this conversation, darlings, " she murmured. "It might put me on the witness stand some day, if there's a question about Nate's mental state. " "Dammit, Courtney, " Jeff growled. "Will you never I learn to keep your mouth shut? " "What do I care? I told you I don't want anything. " "Well, Veronica isn't joking about Nate's competence! I could have a lot of trouble with this will, proving that he was mentally capable of signing it. " "So much the better, " Courtney said stubbornly. "For once, " Veronica said smoothly, "I agree with Courtney. What's the hurry, anyway? Is Nate really dying? " Jeff frowned. "Of course not. But he wants this will signed, and he's not about to take it easy till it's done. Let him do it, if it pleases him, Courtney. " "And then the two of you can argue about it later, " Veronica suggested sweetly. Courtney glared at her. But Jeff was right, she reflected. If the unfinished will was bothering Nate, then he would feel better as soon as it was signed. And, as Jeff had said, Nate could tear it up next week if he wanted; she would do her best to convince him to do so. Not that it mattered so much any more, she told herself, but she still didn't want Jeff to think that she was greedy. Jeff sighed. "Let's put his mind at ease, Courtney. And in any case, it doesn't matter what the will says. Whether there's a will or not, you"ll get your share. He wants you to have it, you're entitled to it, and I insist on it. " For an instant they were face to face, both defiant. Then the purely ridiculous side of it struck Courtney. Here they were, the heirs beside the sickbed, arguing over the inheritance — each insisting that the other was being treated unfairly! It had to be a first. "All right, " she said. "But as soon as he's better — . " "How very touching, " Veronica sighed. From inside the room, a hoarse and querulous voice said, "What's keeping you, Jeff? " "Jeff, we'll be in the waiting-room, " Courtney said quickly. Veronica dropped into step with her. Courtney tried to ignore the woman; rather than look at her, she stared out of the window at the end of the long hall, where snow was beginning to swirl around the building. "Good show, " Veronica said. "I was impressed. " Courtney turned reluctantly away from the window. "I'm sorry. I don't quite understand. " Veronica settled herself in an overstuffed chair and said, "Your protests about the will not being fair to Jeff. it was very well done, dear. It touched him right in his chivalrous little heart. " Be polite, Courtney told herself. You 've got nothing to gain by being rude to the woman. ” "Jeff s not dumb, Courtney. You don't think signing that thing today was entirely Nate's idea, do you? " Ignore her, Courtney told herself. But she asked anyway. "Why shouldn't it be? " "Because of course Jeff would rather probate a will that names you, even if it costs him part of Nate's money. The alternative is so very much worse. The

scandal, you know, if you were to sue him, and tell the world why you should get a share. " "I wouldn't sue. And in any case, there wouldn't be any scandal. Everybody knows Nate and my father were stepbrothers. " Veronica swallowed a smile. "Oh, they were a lot closer than that, my dear. " "I haven't the vaguest idea what you're talking about. " "Really? I suppose 1 have to believe you, but I'm amazed that Nate had so much delicacy. He seems to be very proud of it, you know. Everyone else in Green Bay knows. " "Knows what? " Courtney"s voice broke in the middle of the question. "Everyone knows, " Veronica said, quite deliberately, "that Nate's your father, dear. " CHAPTER TEN "YOU'RE LYING. " Courtney's voice trembled. Veronica shrugged. "Why would I lie? Read the will. " "He wouldn't have put that in his will! Even if it was true, Nate wouldn't let me find out in a legal document! He would tell me! " "I'm not so sure he would say anything, you know, " Veronica mused. "He might have wanted to be beyond reach when you found out. Nate always did take the easy way out of things. " Courtney's hands clenched on the back of a chair. She welcomed the pain; it helped to block the agony in her heart. Veronica is a jealous and vindictive woman, she told herself. Jeff told her something, or she guessed. She knows that she has lost him, and so she's taking this way of getting even. It's not true, it can 't be true! her heart was screaming. And yet — "I thought the whole thing was a little fishy from the beginning, " Veronica mused. "When you turned up and promptly moved into Hearthstone, you know. So I started asking around, and sure enough, my instincts were correct. " She sounded as if she expected to be congratulated on her insight. "I don't believe you. " Courtney's voice cracked. Veronica raised an elegant eyebrow. "It honestly is a shock to you? And you really didn't wonder why Nate would leave you half his estate — and why Jeff didn't object? " Yes, Courtney thought, I wondered. But between them, they explained it all so well — She put her hands to her head. It wouldn't be the first time, she reminded herself, that the Winslows had worked together to keep the truth from coming out. But that would mean that Jeff knew, she thought. And he couldn't know. He absolutely can 't know, or he wouldn 't have kissed me like that, just a few minutes ago — But it hadn't exactly been a lover's kiss, she reminded herself. It was more like a brother's, she thought helplessly. Had Nate told him the truth? Or had he kept Jeff, too, in the dark? "Gentlemanly conduct only goes so far, " Veronica said. "It usually stops about the time that money comes into it. Ask Nate — he won't be expecting it, and this would be a good chance, when he's too sick to think of another cover story. " Courtney shuddered at the thought of confronting Nate. She turned back to the window and stared out. The snow had stopped; it had only been a few flurries, after all. Jeff came in and handed Veronica the will. "All signed and neatly witnessed, " he said. "I hate to ask you to make another trip to the office on Sunday, but I'd feel better if it was in Stan's safe. " Veronica took the sealed envelope and dropped it in her briefcase. "Of course, " she said smoothly. "Thanks for coming over, Veronica, " he added. "I appreciate it — it has really relieved Nate's mind. " "And yours, I'm sure, " Veronica murmured. "I'm always happy to do you a favor, Jeff. Give Nate my best, Courtney. " Courtney didn't turn from the window till the woman was gone. She listened to Veronica's heels clicking steadily away down the hail, and she stared out at the overcast sky, and she tried to compose herself so that she could turn around in a minute and smile at her half-brother — Every nerve in her body shrieked in pain at the thought. Veronica has to be lying, Courtney thought. She wants Jeff for herself; of course she would lie. And yet, Veronica hadn't lied about Mary Sutton and her involvement in Nate's accident. And if Nate had been capable of that, Courtney asked herself, would the fact that Laura Martin was his stepbrother's intended wife have stopped him from having an affair with her? Not if he really wanted her, she told herself, and bit her lip hard. He had been very fond of Laura; that was apparent from many of the things he had said. He had certainly felt no attachment to Ted, and Ted Martin had returned that feeling. He hated Nate, Courtney reminded herself. I never really questioned why my father — why Ted — hated Nate so much. That youthful persecution had seemed explanation enough, to someone who knew Ted Martin's faults as Courtney did. But this explained it all so neatly. If he even suspected that Nate had casually stolen his fiancée and betrayed her — I'm so tired, she thought, that I can 't think in a straight line any more. "Courtney? " Jeff said. He came

quickly to her side. "Are you all right? " I will never be quite all right again, she thought, and wondered for an instant if she had screamed it. She wanted desperately for him to touch her, and at the same time she was terrified that he would. I can 't stand it if he pats my shoulder and gives me a brotherly hug, she thought. I will just start to howl, and I will probably never stop. It would be bad enough if Veronica s story were true but if Jeff was ever to find out how she felt about him — My God, she thought. How could any woman fall in love with her half-brother? Easily enough, she told herself morosely, if it was Jeff. "Come on, " he said. "Nate's better, I think, but he's in no mood to be left alone. He wants you. " And I, she thought, am in no mood to go back in there and face him. Her head was spinning, and the only thing she knew was that she had to get away, she had to think, she had to sort out what was happening to her. He led her down the hail. She saw their reflections dimly in the polished metal trim on the door of Nate's room, and remembered commenting to Jeff on Halloween night about their similar coloring. Well, the joke was on her now, and suddenly it wasn't in the least funny. He had kissed her that night, too, she thought. And there was no doubt that was a lover's caress — But the very next day, she reminded herself, he had changed. He had been so distant the night he took her to the play — and hadn't he said he'd had a talk with Nate that morning? Had Nate told him, then? She stopped abruptly just outside the door of Nate's room, as if her feet would not move. "Courtney, what's wrong? " She wanted to blurt out everything Veronica had said. She wanted to scream at him, to force him to tell her what he knew. She wanted to challenge him to deny it — and she could not, because she was too afraid that he would tell her it was true. I can 't say anything to him, she thought, not until I have thought it all out for myself. "I'm really tired, Jeff, " she said. "I just don't think that I can take any more. Tell Nate that I'm sorry, but I've got to go home and sleep. " His face tensed, but he said, calmly enough, "The doctor expects that he'll be much better by evening. Pneumonia seems to act that way, he said, as soon as the antibiotics get to work. Perhaps we can get it all straightened out over dinner. I'd like to explain to you about the will, and — well, other things, too. We can celebrate Nate making it through the crisis, I hope. " She didn't look at him. Her heart was shuddering inside her chest in great heaving gasps that made her ribs ache. "I don't think that we've got anything to celebrate, Jeff. In any case, I've — got an exam tomorrow, " she said. It was the first excuse that came to mind, and she didn't care how lame it sounded. "I'd better study for it. " There was a long silence. "We'll have to talk some time, Courtney. " It was matter-of-fact, but not harsh. "You can't ignore it, you know, no matter how much it frightens you. " The last fragment of hope she had held on to, the hope that Jeff might not know the story Veronica had told, disintegrated into cold grey ash and sifted through her fingers. "I know, " she said miserably. "But please, don't make me talk about it now. I'm so very tired. " There was a long silence, and then Jeff turned away and went into Nate's room. My love, she thought hopelessly. My one, my only love. *#* *#* *#* *#* *#* SHE DIDN'T GO to Hearthstone. She walked for what seemed hours in the dismal cold, heedless of the chill that seeped through her wool dress and her thin shoes. She hadn't had a chance to change since her dinner with Derek last night. How long ago that seemed, she thought, and how simple everything had looked last night. She had been a child last night, despite her actual age — with a child's confidence that anything she wanted badly enough would surely come to her. But the world didn't change its orbit for the convenience of one small human being, she had found today. And not always was wishing enough to make an impossible dream come true. Stan Percy would know the truth, she thought. He wrote the will. He was not only Nate's partner, but his friend. And he was there when it all happened. But it was Sunday, and if Stan had been too busy to get that will himself and bring it to the hospital, then he certainly wouldn't look kindly on her for turning up on his doorstep. But something hard and cold inside her demanded that the truth be told today; no matter how bad it was, the uncertainty was worse. Stan must have heard the desperation in her voice. In the background, she could hear laughter, the hilarity of a party, and she was glad when he did not suggest that she come to his house, but quietly agreed to meet her at the offices of Winslow, Anderson, Percy, and McLean. She was waiting for him. She walked in when he unlocked the walnut door, and looked curiously around her. Nothing had changed in the office since the first day she had come here, but everything in Courtney's life had been altered, right down to the clothes she was wearing — so generously purchased with Nate's money. Nearly everything, she reminded herself. Though the cause was different today, there was still the same bleak hopelessness in her heart. Stan ushered her into his office. She sat down on the edge of the couch, her coat still clutched around her. She tried to ask her questions, but she could not force the words past the lump in her throat. He waited for a moment, and then asked gently, "Is Nate better this morning? " Courtney nodded. "A little, I think. I know it's unforgivable of me to interrupt your Sunday, but it's very important. "

"I assumed that it was, Courtney. And it was a very noisy family reunion — it's almost a relief to have a bit of quiet. " She smiled a little, remembering the way the receptionist had, tried to turn her away on her first visit. Now she could command the attention of a senior partner on a Sunday. The treatment you get here depends on who you are, she thought, and then winced as the dreadful truth of that hit her in the face. She looked down at her fingernails, whitened by the pressure of her hands folded together. "There is a — I suppose you could call it a rumor — going around. The story is that I'm Nate's daughter. " There was no expression in Stan Percy's gaunt face, no flicker in the narrow blue eyes behind the heavy glasses. "Is it true? " The cracked whisper seemed to fill the room. He sighed. "If you're asking me for legal proof, Courtney, I don't have any, either way. If you're asking me if I think it's likely — " He looked down at her with compassion. "Yes, I believe it's true. " She sank slowly back into the deep cushions of the couch. He let her absorb the shock for a few moments, and then he began to tell her about Nate, and about Laura Martin. Oddly enough, it was in a way like a mirror of the story Loring had told her long before, on her first afternoon at Hearthstone. Nate had gone East to law school, Stan Percy said, and married while he was there, a girl from a prominent family. "Iris was — let's say she was not a good choice for Nate to make, " Stan said quietly. "He knew it almost from the beginning. She did, too, I think, but her religion said there could be no divorce, and by then there was Jeff to consider, as well. Iris had a difficult pregnancy, and I think that ended any hope that they might have any sort of real marriage. Nate stuck it out on the coast for several years, and then he brought his family back here. " "And he met my mother, " Courtney whispered. Stan Percy nodded. "If there was a pretty woman within fifty miles, it was inevitable that Nate would meet her. And Laura was beautiful. She was also warm and witty and intelligent — the very kind of woman he should have married in the first place. He wanted to marry her, and I think — I may be wrong, of course, but I think Nate could have been faithful to a wife like Laura. But Iris — " He shook his head. "She wouldn't let him go? " "No. And, as I said, there was Jeff. Iris told Nate that if he insisted on a divorce, she would make sure that he never saw Jeff again. So Laura married Ted Martin after all, just as she had planned to do before Nate came home. " "How could she have? " Courtney was suddenly furious with her mother, so angry that she could not even cry. "Didn't that just hurt everybody even more? Couldn't she at least have waited? He might have worked something out with his wife. " And I, she thought, would have known from the day I was born that Jeff was not for me to love like this. Stan Percy shook his head sadly. "You must remember, Courtney, that it was a different sort of world twenty-five years ago. I wonder if Laura might have suspected by then that you were on the way. If so, she may have felt she had no choice but to marry, for your sake. " Abruptly, Courtney's anger died in a flood of compassion for the troubled young woman Stan was describing. Alone, without a family, caught in the middle of what must have seemed a hopeless situation — How can I say she was wrong to do as she did? Courtney thought. "She couldn't have known, " she said. "But I suppose she might have wondered, and rather than take the chance — " Stan Percy nodded. "I didn't know exactly when you were born, you see. " "Just a little less than nine months after my parents' — after my mother's wedding, " she said slowly. She had always been a bit amused, before, at the fact that they must have anticipated their wedding vows. Now she knew. And that also explained why there was never a second Martin child, she thought, much less the half-dozen brothers and sisters she had wanted. Strange, that the possibility had never occurred to her before. "Ted took Laura away from Green Bay within a few weeks of the wedding, " Stan said, "and we all pretty much lost touch after that. " She went away on purpose, Courtney thought. To conceal her secret from the world. But had she even hidden it from Nate? Had he always known that he had a daughter, or had he recognized the truth that first night Courtney had come to Hearthstone, and decided to bring her there, no matter what it took? She cried then, great, wrenching sobs that threatened to rip her apart. She didn't care if they did, as long as the agony could be over. Stan was silent until she had quieted, until the sobs had become only a steady weeping. Then he patted her shoulder awkwardly and gave her a big white handkerchief and said, "There, there, Courtney. It'll be all right. " It will never be all right again, she thought. "He knew, didn't he? " she said. It wasn't really a question. "Nate? I'm not sure he did. He certainly never said anything, then. I think he would have moved heaven and earth if he had known. " "I was thinking of — Ted. " It was hard to call him that. "He must have suspected, I'm sure. Laura may even have told him; I don't know. It was Ted's misfortune that he was always in Nate's shadow, no matter what he did. " "Yes, " Courtney whispered. "I can see that it must have been a very large shadow. " "It's no disgrace to be Nate's daughter, " Stan pointed out gently. She blew her nose. "What about the will? " she said. "I don't mean the details, just the wording of it. Does it

say — " She couldn't bear to voice the words. "To Courtney Martin, "" Stan said in his slow, gentle voice, " 'whom I have come to love as a daughter. '" She sat very still for a few moments. "Very neatly phrased, " she said. "Just what I would have expected from Nate. " Then, with all the quiet dignity she could muster, she stood up. "Thank you for telling me the truth. It's more important to me than you know. I won't keep you from your family any longer. " Stan stood up. "I can't say it's been a pleasure, but I'm glad you came to me, " he said. "The truth is hard sometimes, but it's always best to face it. " Her throat was tight. "Just one thing, " she said. "Please. I'd rather Jeff doesn't know that I was here. " He didn't ask her reasons. "I've never talked to him about it, and I won't unless he brings it up. But even f that happens, what you and I said today is confidential. You can rely on that. " She nodded her thanks and hurried across the reception room and out into the cold again. She tried to tell herself that Stan Percy was right — it was better to know the truth than to wonder — but it wasn't much comfort. *#* *#* *#* *#* *#* THERESA OPENED her front door in the gloom of early evening. "It's Courtney! " she called over her shoulder, and then pulled the girl into the house. "Thank God you've turned up; we've been hunting for you for hours! You look absolutely frozen. Where in heaven's name have you been? " "Bay Beach. " It was hard even to form the words. Courtney was so cold that she had ceased to feel anything much at all, which was some consolation. She had gone to the amusement park, and walked around the rides, and sat beside the pavilion, and remembered the day she and Jeff had gone there. Funny, she thought, but she remembered that day in colors more brilliant than life. Surely the sun could not have shone as brightly as she remembered it, not in November. No kiss could have been so perfect — "I ought to know better than to do this, " he had said, and then he had kissed her. He does know, she had thought tiredly. And it hurt him, too. She remembered the way he had looked at her that night in Nate's bedroom, as they waited for the ambulance. She had thought then that it was resentment of her being at Nate's side, in the place that should have belonged to his child. She had found herself laughing hysterically at that, until the tears froze on her cheeks in the bitter wind. She had walked along the bay, watching the waves crash into the rocky shore, and thought about throwing herself into them. But that was the coward"s way out, the way Ted Martin had taken, and Courtney was a survivor. It was in her blood... Theresa was stripping off Courtney's coat and. shoes as if she was a child. "Haven't you even been home? You've been walking around Green Bay all day in the dress you wore to dinner last night? This coat wasn't intended to be survival gear, you know. If I'd known you were going to behave like this, I'd have sold you a parka instead. It's a wonder you aren't lying somewhere frozen into a lump of ice, Courtney Martin. " Courtney shrugged. Theresa urged her up the stairs. "Jack, " she ordered her husband, "call the hospital and tell Jeff she's here. Courtney, I'm going to put you to bed for a while and get you warm. Then, once you've had some sleep and something to eat, I'll take you back to the hospital. Nate's better, by the way. His fever broke, and he's doing just fine. Of course, they'll be watching him very carefully but — " "I'm not going back to the hospital. " It was definite, so plain that Courtney herself was surprised. She hadn't even considered, in her long walk, when — or even whether — she intended to confront Nate with what she had discovered. "You're exhausted, Courtney. You'll feel differently after you've had a rest. " "Theresa — " It was difficult to form the words. "I came to you because I need a friend right now. A friend who won't ask uncomfortable questions, and who won't try to make me do things I just can't do. " Theresa looked put out. "I suppose the alternative is that you'll walk off again. " "That's right. " "Well, I don't suppose I can tie you to the plumbing pipes. All right, you're the boss. 1 can't say that I understand, but I agree to the conditions. Now will you get into bed? " "It will be my pleasure, " Courtney said wearily. *#* *#* *#* *#* *#* THERESA GOT HER a sleeping pill from somewhere, and Courtney slept the clock around. When she woke, she felt refreshed, rejuvenated, eager to tackle a new day — and then, ten seconds later, the realization that yesterday had not been a nightmare came crashing in on her with the weight of a thousand blows. It hurt too much to cry, and so she simply lay there and thought, in swirling circles and Picasso patterns that left her even more confused. Theresa came in a little later with a cup of bouillon. "I can't, " Courtney said, and turned her face away. "Come on, darling, try. " Theresa set the cup down on the table and sat cross-legged on the other twin bed. "I'm not asking questions, " she said pointedly, "but I'm here if you want to talk, and I'm not going away. " Remorse crashed in on Courtney. "You should have gone to work. " "And come home to find you with your wrists slashed? " Courtney sat up and tried to swallow a mouthful of the bouillon. "1 wouldn't do that. " But she could understand why Theresa thought she might. I'm behaving like a spoiled child, she thought. If the world won 't let me play the game the way I want, then I won 'tplay at all; I'll hide in my room instead.

The problem is, she concluded, if I continue to behave like this, it will take no time at all for anyone with ordinary powers of reasoning — people like Theresa, and Derek, and Jeff — to figure out what is really wrong. And that would kill me. "I know it can't have been easy, " she said finally. "You and Jack are Jeff's friends, and he must be furious at me for running out on him when Nate needed us both — and furious at you for sheltering me. " "He has had a few things to say on the subject, " Theresa admitted. Courtney forced herself to smile. She could imagine what Jeff would have said. "Thanks for taking me in, Theresa. As soon as I can find a place to stay, I'll get out of your hair. " "You aren't going back to Hearthstone? " Theresa bit her lip and said, "Sorry. I did promise to ask no questions. " "That's a fair one. No, I'm not going back. Do you suppose — the problem is, my clothes are all there. " "Jeff brought some over for you this morning. " "He did? " She was astounded for a moment, and then nodded. "Of course. " He had probably dumped them on Theresa's front step in a heap, she thought. "He's still downstairs, as a matter of fact, " Theresa said in a rush. "He wants to talk to you. " Courtney shook her head vehemently. "Please, " Theresa begged. "You're quite right, he doesn't understand why you're here instead of at Hearthstone. He's furious with all of us, and it would help a lot if you'd tell him yourself. It would take the pressure off me. " "I can't, " she whispered, and then thought, where's your backbone, Courtney Martin? Is this the girl that nothing can ever get the best of? Nate had said that, once. You 'll have to face Jeff some time; better to do it now than unexpectedly. You can 't avoid him forever. "All right, " she whispered. She stopped on the bottom step. He was pacing Theresa's front hall. He hadn't bothered to take off his leather jacket. She felt underdressed herself; Theresa's quilted dressing-gown was far too short for her. He looked up at her soft tread on the carpeted steps, and stopped pacing. His jaw tightened at the sight of her. She had seen that before, and knew that he was ready to explode. She almost turned then and ran back up the steps, but she tightened her grip on the railing instead and faced him. "Hello, Jeff. " "I've come to take you to the hospital, " he announced, in a tone that allowed no argument. "I'm not sure what the hell happened yesterday, but it's causing a damned lot of talk, that's sure. If it was up to me I'd never bother you again, but Nate wants you, after what he'd done for you, the least you can do is visit him. " "Oh, yes, " she said wryly. "I owe him everything, don't I? " The bitterness in her tone seemed to take him aback for an instant, and then his face hardened again. "The least you can do is see him, " he repeated doggedly. "If I have to, I'll carry you upstairs and dress you myself. " "Jeff, you can't behave this way in my house, " Theresa warned. "You aren't big enough to stop me. " "Do I have to call the police to evict you? You're my friend, but so is Courtney. " We might as well have it out now, Courtney thought. The three of us, on neutral ground, before Nate goes back to Hearthstone. It would be too hard on me to go back there, where I was happy — but this has got to be done some time. It might as well be now. "You won't have to, Theresa, " she said quietly. "I'll go. " It will be over, she thought, and after that — well, I won 't have to see him again. She didn't stop to wonder whether it was Nate she meant, or Jeff. They didn't talk in the car, or on the way to Nate's room. Jeff stopped just outside the door. "I'll let you go in by yourself, " he said. "but remember, Courtney — if you hurt him again, you'll deal with me. " She braced herself for a disgruntled bellow from Nate as she slipped quietly in and closed the door behind her. But there was no sound at all, apart from an occasionally raspy breath. He was asleep, his face looking even more gaunt and lined. She tiptoed over to the bed and stood looking down at him, searching out each new harsh line, looking for the tiny features that she might have inherited from him. It was hard to tell, because his face had been so racked by time, and suffering. No wonder she hadn't seen any resemblance. She hadn't seen much between him and Jeff, either, because of the damage the pain had done to Nate over the years — The pain of all the years, she thought, of all the losses. Did he grieve for Laura? she wondered. Did he long to see her, and her child? She stood there for a long time, and the resentment and anger drained slowly from her heart, to be replaced with compassion for a man who had been perhaps weak, perhaps shallow, but for all that, never wicked. He had loved her mother, she was certain of that. And Laura had loved him. Even Courtney's name, with its play on Nate's profession, must reflect that love. Laura had kept her secret till the day she died, even from her daughter — but Courtney's name was her enigmatic little way of sharing her child. And when she could give me nothing else, on her deathbed she sent me to him. She couldn 't have known what would happen then. She didn 't know about Jeff, and that her doomed love would repeat itself in me. It was not her fault. And Courtney couldn't even blame Nate for bringing her to Hearthstone, now that she understood why it had been so important to him. And even though that had brought her into contact with Jeff, and set this tragedy in motion,

that really wasn't Nate's fault either, she reflected. He had made it so painfully apparent, with all his talk about finding a suitable husband for her, that Jeff played no part in his search. It was always Jeff's friends he told her about, Jeff's acquaintances who were invited to meet her. Now that she stopped to think about it, it, it had been obvious. But she had reacted to Jeff like a cat who was under attack, and so she had never stopped to think about why Nate didn't consider her as a daughter-in-law . . . until it was too late. His eyes opened slowly, narrowed as if he didn't want to face what he saw, and then blinked. "Courtney, " he said, with a half-incredulous sigh. "Jeff said you picked up a cold and they wouldn't let you come to see me last night. " Jeff had said that? He had made excuses for her, when he could have denounced her and perhaps ended any fondness Nate had for her? He must have done it, she reminded herself, only because he didn't want to upset Nate any more while he was so ill. He didn't want her to cause a fuss. Veronica's words came back unbidden. "Jeff would rather probate a will that names you than have the scandal if you sued him. " The scandal, she thought. He would have taken me out to dinner last night and talked it all over logically, and made sure it all stayed quiet, for ever. Nate stretched out a hand, weakly, and she folded her fingers around it. 'Did you sleep well? " she asked softly. For a moment, his eyes were distant, and she thought that he hadn't heard. "I was dreaming, " he said. "About your mother. About Laura." CHAPTER ELEVEN COURTNEY whispered, "Will you tell me about her, Nate? " She didn't stop to consider that it might sound like an odd request; she had, after all, known her mother for many years after Nate had last seen Laura. Or had they met sometimes in secret, Courtney wondered, after the Martins had come back to Green Bay? I know so little about her, really, she thought humbly. All these years I thought I understood my mother completely. And only now do I realize that I didn 't know her at all. Nate didn't seem to think it was a strange thing to ask. He looked straight through her, as if his dark eyes were focused on something far, beyond Courtney, and he said slowly, "She was sitting in front of the fireplace in the drawing-room at Hearthstone the afternoon I saw her first. She was having tea with my stepmother. " So that, Courtney thought, explained why he avoided the drawing-room at Hearthstone in the afternoon, till the tea cart had been removed. Until I came there, she reminded herself, and then perhaps he could pretend that Laura had come back to him. "I loved her, " he said. "I think perhaps she was the only woman I could have loved. My wife — " He sighed. "I don't want to blame Iris for what happened. I married her for all the wrong reasons; it's not her fault that it didn't work. But Laura was different. She wasn't blind to my flaws — she saw them all, and very clearly. But I believe she loved me in spite of them. " "She did, " Courtney murmured. His voice was tired and low, and she knew that he would not be saying these things if he hadn't been so ill. He might regret it later, she realized, and yet she knew that there was no other answer for them now. She blinked hot tears away, and she didn't hear the door open gently, and then shut again. "I would have married her in a minute. " Nate looked at her then for a moment, and his eyes pleaded for understanding. "But there was Iris, and Jeff. If I had insisted on a divorce, Iris would have taken my son away from me. " Courtney's throat was raw with the sobs she would not release. "I know, Nate. " "I think I was crazy enough to have paid even that price. I asked Laura to go away with me. She refused. " He paused, and Courtney thought that he must have forgotten that she was even there. Or, perhaps, he was still in a sort of dream. "She told me that I only wanted what 1 couldn't have, and that 1 loved myself so very much that it couldn't matter if anyone else loved me. It must have been the cruelest thing that my gentle Laura even said to anyone — to say that I wasn't capable of loving her. It was only later that 1 realized she didn't believe those things. She said them because she had to, because she knew that I would have destroyed us all. She knew me very well, you see. And she knew that I wouldn't give her up easily. " Courtney's free hand clenched on the bed rail till she was sure she would squeeze it in two. "She said, 'At least be a man about it, Nate. You don't need me — you don't need anyone. But you have a wife. You have a son. Keep the promise you've made to them. '" He looked beyond her, and said, huskily, "I tried, Jeff. I tried to be a good husband, a good father. " Courtney thought for an instant that he was hallucinating. But his eyes were clear and steady, even though they were full of pain, and she swung around, still clutching his hand, and looked straight into Jeff's face. The impact on her was like a blow to her stomach. "Why did you come in here? " she whispered. He seemed to be looking straight through her. "I began to think, as I sat down in the waiting room, that perhaps I'd been a little too trusting, Courtney. A little too certain that whatever you thought of me, you wouldn't take it out on Nate. I thought it would be prudent to see what was going on. Don't you think this conversation is a bit strenuous for a sick old man? "

She swallowed hard. "I suppose you might as well be a part of it. " "Something of a family discussion? " he asked, with a sarcastic twist. She went white to the lips at the coldness in his voice. "Yes, " she said. "That's exactly what it is. " "Then I appreciate the invitation to join in. " He walked around the bed and leaned against the rail, one elbow propped on a tall table which held a bouquet of red carnations. His jaw was tight, and his eyes were icy. Nate hadn't seemed to hear their exchange. "I tried, Jeff, " he said again. "But your mother would never let me have a second chance. Her pride had been hurt too badly. " "It's all past, " Jeff said. "It doesn't matter now. " His eyes met Courtney's, and suddenly he just looked tired and defeated, not angry any more. "It's got nothing to do with us now; any of us. " "But it does, " she said quietly. "Because Laura married Ted Martin — " Nate murmured, like a querulous child, "I got drunk on her wedding day, trying to drown my bitterness in champagne. " "They left Green Bay. " Courtney's voice was slow and soft, and yet as inexorable as water wearing away rock. "And a few months later she gave birth to a child — your child, Nate. " Jeff's elbow jerked as if he'd been stabbed, and the vase of carnations tipped and slid and seemed to hang in mid-air for a long instant. Then it fell, and the sound of shattering glass seemed to echo across the years. Jeff apparently didn't hear it fall. He was staring at Courtney, and his face was frozen in horror. In the midst of the pain, she felt compassion for him, faced with this sudden shock. She'd had some time to adjust to it, but she would never forget how it had felt in that first instant. But there was a fierce sort of relief that swirled inside her, too. He hadn't known, then. He had been just as innocently caught up in this tragedy as was. He wasn't his father's willing partner in deception. The smell of the bruised carnations welled up from the puddle of glass and water on the floor, Courtney thought that she would remember — and hate — that spicy scent for all the years that were her to live. "It's true, Jeff, " she said. She couldn't bring herself to go on, or to look at him. She knew that he stared at his father for a long moment, and then he kicked the broken glass aside and strode over to the door and went out, as if the room was suddenly too stifling to remain. She put her head down on her hands, which were folded on the metal bed rail, and tried to stop herself from trembling. Nate began to laugh, a low, rusty sound. She jerked upright, anger bringing color to her pale cheeks. "You like to play with people's lives, don't you, Nate? " she accused. "You move them around like little wooden pieces on a board and manipulate them to fit your patterns. Well, what do you think of this one? Didn't it ever occur to you that it might get a little out of hand? " He didn't answer. He lay back against the pillow, and looked at the ceiling, and said, "Who told you this, Courtney? Surely it wasn't Laura. " He didn't sound angry that his secret had slipped out, she thought, half surprised. He only sounded sad. "Oh, no, she kept your secret. She protected you. " "No, " he said. It was matter-of-fact. "She didn't protect me. Now who told you? " "What does it matter? It's true. " "Was it Ted? That pathologically jealous fool — " "Veronica told me, " she whispered. "And Stan Percy confirmed it. " A housekeeper put her head in the door. "Did you have an accident in here, Mr. Winslow? Some broken glass? " "Get out and stay out! " Nate bellowed. He wasn't in full voice, but then, the housekeeper didn't know him very well. She vanished promptly. "Damn Stan Percy! " Nate went on, in a slightly milder roar. He groped for the bed's electrical controls and raised himself up slightly. "He always thought the worst of me. He called me a black sheep more times than I can count, and — dammit, Courtney, who are you going to believe? Stan Percy didn't spend his nights hiding under my bed! " "Are you saying that you're not my father? " It was hard to shape the words, and almost impossible to force them past the lump in her throat. "How dare you insult your mother's memory by implying it? " He was blustering, she thought. He hadn't actually denied it. He saw the doubt in her eyes. "Courtney, I am not your father, " he said, with harsh emphasis on each word. "Dammit, girl, what kind of fool are you? " "A logical one, " she defended herself. "I wouldn't have believed Veronica — " Nate said a word she had never heard him use before. "But Stan knew! " she said. She was pleading now, begging for this new spring of hope not to be taken away from her, and yet terrified that this hope, too, would be crushed. "It all made sense, Nate — it all fitted so dreadfully well. You taking me in, giving me that money, and writing that damned will — " He shook his head. "Oh, Courtney, maybe I'm the fool. But one thing I'm not. Flattered as I am by the idea, I am not your father. " "Are you — " She stopped, and tried again. "Can you be positive, Nate? She might have just not told you — to protect you — " "Don't get me wrong, Courtney. I was no more a saint in those days than I am now, and if Laura had been a

different sort of woman, I'd have slept with her and to hell with my wife. But Laura wasn't the kind who would mess around with a married man, especially one who had no chance of being single again. The last time I checked with the birds and the bees, it still took a lot more than a kiss snatched in the upstairs hallway to saddle a man with eighteen years of child support, and that was as far as I ever got with Laura. " "You wouldn't lie to me? " she asked in a whisper. "Courtney, not even Stan Percy has ever accused me of perjuring myself, " he said. He sounded a little hurt. "Dammit, girl, won't you take my word — " He stopped and looked up at her with speculation in his eyes. "I was right, " he said. "You and Jeff — " "Yes, " she said. "No. I don't know, Nate, all right? " She was fighting tears. "Just — please God — tell me the truth. " "I have, " he said. "And I'll swear it on your mother's memory, Courtney. " She clutched his hand and buried her face against his palm. He stretched the other hand up awkwardly and patted her shoulder. But his words were not ones of comfort or reassurance. "No more questions? " he asked genially. "Get out of here, then — go after that boy and crawl. No half-measures, Courtney. Tell him you're an idiot, a naive fool, a credulous, innocent, simple, trusting blockhead, and that you'll never believe anything anyone tells you ever again. " She laughed, despite herself. "I am, aren't I? " "Worse, " he said direly. "And you especially shouldn't believe it if someone is talking about me. " She sniffed. "Nate, " she said seriously, "once I got over the shock — well, you've been a better father to me than Ted ever was. " He snapped his fingers. "That's where the gullibility came from, " he said triumphantly. "I've finally figured out that you do resemble your father after all, Courtney! " She wiped the tears off her cheeks. "Don't get rid of all of them, " Nate advised. "A little remorse will soften him up, I think. On your way past the nurses' station, send the cleaning woman in. What's the matter with this place, anyway? Leaving broken glass lying around on the floor for hours like that — somebody could get hurt. And tell them to get a telephone into this room on the double. I'm going to give Stan Percy a piece of my mind that will make his ear ache till next November. " Suddenly, she thought, he looked almost healthy. "Oh, Courtney? " he added. "If you have any trouble convincing Jeff that I'm not tinkering with the truth — after all the trouble you've caused — tell him I've got no fondness for the idea of having grandchildren with two heads, and I would certainly put a stop to any danger of that. " She had to smile at that, for an instant, before she remembered that none of this might matter at all. The barricades that had threatened to break her heart were gone, but the fact that she loved Jeff didn't mean that he felt the same about her. After all, he had said nothing; there had been just those few scattered moments that had allowed her to hope — times when he had kissed her, or laughed with her, or look across the room at her as if he wanted to see her there always. She couldn't forget the look of horror in his eyes at the instant he had realized what she was saying; surely, she thought, he would not have reacted that way if she didn't mean anything to him? He would have looked shocked, yes, at the idea that she might be his sister, but not horrified — unless he, too, had treasured hopes that there could be something more than friendship between them. Don 't hope too much, she told herself. Even if that was so, she might have sacrificed everything now. But in any case, no matter what he thought, or what he felt about her, she had to go and face him again, and try to patch together the wreckage she had nearly made of all their lives. THE MERCEDES WAS no longer in the parking lot. She stood there for a few minutes and thought about it, and then started off towards Hearthstone. With this wound so fresh, she thought, he would not go to the office. And if he was not at Hearthstone, then she would wait for him, for as long as it took. She climbed the front steps slowly and used her key. Loring came hurrying into the front hail just as she stepped through the door. "Mr. Nathan, " he said. "Is he — " She tried to smile. "He's ordering the nurses around, and complaining about the service. " "He'll be all right, then. Mr. Jeff came in a few minutes ago and shut himself in the study, and I was worried. " The study door was closed. She didn't bother to knock; she simply walked in. He was sitting on the hearth, feeding a tiny fire that snapped greedily at the bits of wood and paper that he offered. "Go away, " he said. "I can't. I have to talk to you, Jeff. " He turned his back on her and put another bit of kindling on the fire. He wasn't trying to warm the room, she concluded, but just to keep his hands occupied, and perhaps satisfy some destructive instinct. It gave her hope. "A little sisterly advice, I suppose? " "No. " She closed the door behind her and sat down beside the fire. "It wasn't true, Jeff. I was wrong. " For a long moment the snapping of the fire was the only sound. "Did the same crystal ball that told you the news in the first place take it back? " He didn't sound interested. "No. After you left, Nate denied it. " He looked at her then. "Did you really think he might admit it? "

"It seems to me that he should know, " Courtney said mildly. "Better than Stan Percy, at any rate. And certainly better than Veronica. " "What in the hell has Veronica got to do with this? " And then she knew. Knew that all of her dreams were only that, because Veronica was still there — not in his heart, perhaps, but certainly in his plans. The woman of sense, the one who knew the score. Which is a lot more than can be said about me, she thought bitterly. "She's the one who told me, " Courtney said. "She was wrong, of course, but only in the important facts, not the details. " She knew she sounded flippant, and she didn't care. It was a lot better than bursting into tears. "Oh, our Veronica is quite a woman. Maybe that's why she detests Nate. He may have twisted the truth now and then, but he didn't use it to destroy people, as she does. " "Please don't insult the woman I intend to marry, " Jeff said stiffly. She looked at him for a long moment. "So you're going to follow in your father's footsteps, " she said softly, "and marry what you think is a sensible woman who won't interfere with your work. And what about your entertainment, Jeff? Are you going to follow Nate's lead there, too? " "Why? Are you volunteering your lovely self, as your mother did? " "Please don't insult my mother. " "Oh, I forgot. It's out of the question, isn't it, for you and me — " She took a deep breath. This was getting out of hand. What should have been a simple, if embarrassing, little explanation was turning into a mire, a muddy bog that was threatening to drag them both down. "Jeff, if you had stayed, and listened to your father, you would have been convinced that he's telling the truth. Veronica was — " She paused, and decided that there was no advantage to be found in telling him the truth about the woman; it would only outrage him, and he would listen to nothing else she said. "Veronica was wrong. She thought she had all the facts. She didn't. It's not her fault; even Stan Percy thought — " Jeff's voice cut across hers. "And against all that evidence, " he said, "what made you believe Nate instead? " "What reason does he have to lie? " He shrugged. It was almost a shudder, she thought. He threw a log on to the fire, It was too big, and the pile of kindling collapsed under it and sputtered into tiny, weak flames. "I wish you'd stop playing with that fire and build it right, " she said, a little peevishly. "It's cold in here. " "I thought perhaps you'd be leaving soon. You've accomplished what you came for, haven't you? You came into our lives out of nowhere, you wormed your way into his heart, and then at the moment that he needed you most, you vanished. The will is signed, Courtney. You won't have to worry about anything, once Nate is dead. " "For a good lawyer, Jeff, you don't make a lot of sense sometimes. The ink is hardly dry on that will, and it would be very easy to tear it up. For all I know, the envelope you handed Veronica yesterday might have been full of scratch paper. " He came to his feet in one fast motion. "You actually think I would be capable of that sort of criminal behavior? " "I didn't say that. 1 just pointed out that if I was concerned about protecting my so-called rights, I'd hardly choose this particular week to disappear. " "Unless you thought that vanishing might speed up your inheritance, " he said coldly. "Jeff Winslow, that is the filthiest thing anyone has ever said to me. " "Then we're even. Don't forget, " he said heavily, "that I'm the one who stood beside his bed last night, while he asked for you. " "Why didn't you tell him the truth? " she challenged. "Why did you tell him I had a cold and couldn't come in? " She thought for a long moment that he wasn't going to answer. Finally he said, very quietly, "Because it would have broken his heart. " "Jeff, can you really believe that I would want that? " There was a long silence. "I don't know. " He sounded almost like a little boy who was sulking because he'd been punished. Courtney gritted her teeth and tried to think of something appropriately sarcastic to say, something that would rip him to shreds, just as he had tortured her. But it wouldn't make her feel better, so she sat silent instead. Bitterness filled her heart. How could I ever have thought that we could share love, she wondered, when all we can say to each other are these hateful, hurtful things? You shouldn 't blame him, she thought, for doing the very things you are. You're so afraid of being hurt, of exposing yourself to scorn, that you've thrown up a wall around yourself — a wall that doesn 't even have a window you can peep through, much less a door so you could invite someone in to share your thoughts, your hopes, your dreams... "I think perhaps you're right, Jeff, " she said softly. . "It would be best if I didn't stay here. But before I leave, I'm going to tell you a few things that you need to hear. " "Thanks. " His voice was dry. "But if it's all the same to you, Courtney — " "Jeff, you don't love Veronica, and she doesn't love you. I doubt that she is capable of loving anyone. If you make the classic mistake of marrying her, you will quickly find that she bores you with her petty vindictiveness. " "Leave Veronica out of this. " He stood up.

"You had your say about Derek. I'm going to have mine about Veronica. She may be one smart lawyer, but she's rotten to the core. If she's offered an opportunity to lie or cheat or steal she will take it, whether it's men or money or power. " "I don't have to listen to this. " He went to the door. "Yes, you do. You know what she's like, Jeff. You've got to know. You're not stupid. I think you know that she will drive you into the same sort of life your father led, because you're like him — you need more from life than most men do. You are not content with less than the best, and if you marry Veronica, you will spend your life looking for it, as your father did. " "Why do you care? " He was still standing there, listening. That was something, she thought. He hadn't walked out on her. "Because somewhere deep inside you, " she said, very softly, "there is a lonely little boy who has always wanted love, and who has never quite found it. Finally one day that little boy announced that love was unnecessary. Perhaps sometimes he even believes that it is true. " "That is a lot of sentimental nonsense. " "It might be, Jeff, but I think it's true. Once, " she added, softly, "I was actually foolish enough to think I could show that little boy a different way, a better way. " His eyes had narrowed. He was leaning against the door, his arms folded across his chest. There was a tap on the door. Jeff jerked it open and Loring nearly fell into the room. "Mr. McLean is on the telephone, Miss Courtney, " he said. Damn Derek, she thought. "Tell him I'm not here. " "It seems to me he's got the right to know where you are, " Jeff said quietly. "All right, " she said agreeably. "Loring, tell him I'm here and that I don't want to talk to him. " The butler looked shocked, but she glared him into obedience. But the mood was broken. Jeff walked back to the fireplace, added another log, and looked at her with puzzlement. "Didn't he propose? " "Yes. I turned him down. " "Why? " She wet her lips. I can 't, she thought. I can 't simply bare my heart to him, to give him the satisfaction. "Why are you going to marry Veronica? " she parried. He kicked at the fire and said, sounding as if he was very tired, "Because if I can't have you, what difference does it make? " For a long moment, the little study seemed to swing crazily around her, as if the ground beneath it had decided to slip slowly into the bay. She wet her lips and said slowly, "Why do you think I left yesterday, Jeff? Oh, it was a shock to be told that the man I've always thought was my father wasn't. But that's not why I walked out. I left because — " She cleared her throat. "Because if I couldn't have you, then — " He swung around, staring at her. "You can't mean it, " he said uncertainly. "You kept flaunting Derek at me, and telling me that you'd die rather than live with me. " "I did not, " she said softly. "Perhaps not in so many words, but you left that impression. " "Well, you were a cold fish, " she accused. "That night after the play, you were so distant, as if you didn't want to be around me at all. I thought you regretted even taking me. " "Courtney, that little boy you say you see in me — the one who wanted love and at the same time said it wasn't necessary? He was having to make a hell of an adjustment just then. That night in your room after the Halloween party, I realized what you were coming to mean to me, and it threw my world off course to know that I couldn't live without you. After so many years of planning my life so sensibly, to be tripped up over you, and then to have to watch you dance around with Derek — " "You said you ought to know better than to kiss me, " she reminded. "That day we went to Bay Beach. " "I'd lost all perspective by then. And you didn't seem to care whether I was around or not. You were friendly, of course, but I was so afraid that if I pressed for more than that…" "Don't you want to kiss me again? " she asked. The teasing tone she tried for became a sort of helpless quiver instead. "Are you sure, Courtney? Are you positive that he — " She didn't pretend to misunderstand. "Nate told me to tell you, " she said clearly, "that he didn't want any two-headed grandchildren. He knows that I love you, Jeff. He would not let us hurt each other, and our children. " She could see the change in his face as the tension slowly drained out of him, to be replaced with belief, with trust, with happiness. She turned her face blindly against his shoulder, fighting back the tears of relief, and his arms came around her so tightly that her ribs complained. He kissed her greedily, as if he was a man dying of thirst. "My God, " he said, "I thought my life was over — that the rest of my days would be grey ones, with nothing to live for. " "I would never allow that, " Courtney said. "With a shrew like me for a wife, you can expect anything to happen. " She sighed and rubbed her cheek against the soft knit of his sweater. "How much of that conversation did you overhear, Jeff? " He sighed. "Most of it, I think. All my life I've known that my parents only tolerated each other, but 1 didn't

quite know why. " "You don't blame my mother? " He thought about it, and shook his head. "If it hadn't been Laura, I suppose it would have been someone else. " She closed her eyes in relief. "1 was afraid you might think it was her fault, " she whispered. He tipped her face up and kissed her, slowly and deliberately. "If she was anything like you, " he said, "I can understand why Nate went off the rails. " She smiled. "You certainly don't believe that ours was love at first sight, do you? " "The day in the office when you demanded to see Nate? " He laughed, and rubbed his cheek against her hair. "No, not exactly. But the next day when I came home, and you were in the drawing-room having tea — I think that's when it started. " There was a lump in her throat too big to swallow. "That's odd, don't you think? " "Why? " He kissed her temple, and brushed the hair back so he could nibble her ear. She shivered with pleasure. "Nothing, " she said. He hadn't heard the whole conversation, then, she reflected. Perhaps it was as well if he didn't know how Nate and Laura had met. "I'll tell you some day. " "You are planning to be a sensible wife, of course. His voice was muffled against her earlobe. "One who won't interfere with my work. " "No more than once a day. I would suggest, for openers, that you not trust Veronica with money, papers, or anything else that's important. You haven't actually proposed to her, have you? " He shook his head and went back to kissing her earlobe. "Good, " she said briskly, trying to ignore the pleasant little tickle that his lips were sending clear to her bones. "It would be a little untidy if you had. I wonder what Nate would say if we were just going to live together? " "After today, nothing he could say would surprise me much. But I imagine he'd snort and say something about me being too much of an idealistic dreamer for any such plan. " She laughed. "With a father like Nate, " she said, "how did you ever manage to become so conventional? " "It hasn't been easy. What about it, my love? Shall we get married and make him an honest grandfather some day in spite of himself? " "Let's, " she said demurely, and with a little sigh of pure happiness, she flung her arms around his neck. END