Saved by One, Shared by Two

Saved by One, Shared by Two Survival…that’s all Julia was hoping for when she set off alone. The EMP left nothing worki...

Author: Ryan Sylvia

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Saved by One, Shared by Two Survival…that’s all Julia was hoping for when she set off alone. The EMP left nothing working, and civilization crumbled rapidly. Her plan to flee to safety failed and she lay dying when Arden found her. He brought her home and saved her life. Julia has no choice but to wait out the winter with sweet, sexy Arden and his seductive best friend, Ben. She tries to ignore the sexual tension and constant temptation of living with the men, but eventually she gives in to each man’s seduction. When both men come to the realization that they are in love with Julia, their lifelong friendship prevents them from competing for her. So, a deal is struck between them. She will accept and love them together, or not at all. Genre: Contemporary, Ménage a Trois/Quatre Length: 59,696 words

SAVED BY ONE, SHARED BY TWO

Sylvia Ryan

MENAGE AMOUR

Siren Publishing, Inc. www.SirenPublishing.com

ABOUT THE E-BOOK YOU HAVE PURCHASED: Your non-refundable purchase of this e-book allows you to only ONE LEGAL copy for your own personal reading on your own personal computer or device. You do not have resell or distribution rights without the prior written permission of both the publisher and the copyright owner of this book. This book cannot be copied in any format, sold, or otherwise transferred from your computer to another through upload to a file sharing peer to peer program, for free or for a fee, or as a prize in any contest. Such action is illegal and in violation of the U.S. Copyright Law. Distribution of this e-book, in whole or in part, online, offline, in print or in any way or any other method currently known or yet to be invented, is forbidden. If you do not want this book anymore, you must delete it from your computer. WARNING: The unauthorized reproduction or distribution of this copyrighted work is illegal. Criminal copyright infringement, including infringement without monetary gain, is investigated by the FBI and is punishable by up to 5 years in federal prison and a fine of $250,000. If you find a Siren-BookStrand e-book being sold or shared illegally, please let us know at [email protected]

A SIREN PUBLISHING BOOK IMPRINT: Ménage Amour

SAVED BY ONE, SHARED BY TWO Copyright © 2011 by Sylvia Ryan E-book ISBN: 1-61034-636-X First E-book Publication: September 2011 Cover design by Jinger Heaston All cover art and logo copyright © 2011 by Siren Publishing, Inc. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED: This literary work may not be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, including electronic or photographic reproduction, in whole or in part, without express written permission. All characters and events in this book are fictitious. Any resemblance to actual persons living or dead is strictly coincidental.

PUBLISHER Siren Publishing, Inc. www.SirenPublishing.com

Letter to Readers Dear Readers, If you have purchased this copy of Saved by One, Shared by Two by Sylvia Ryan from BookStrand.com or its official distributors, thank you. Also, thank you for not sharing your copy of this book.

Regarding E-book Piracy This book is copyrighted intellectual property. No other individual or group has resale rights, auction rights, membership rights, sharing rights, or any kind of rights to sell or to give away a copy of this book. The author and the publisher work very hard to bring our paying readers high-quality reading entertainment. This is Sylvia Ryan’s livelihood. It’s fair and simple. Please respect Ms. Ryan’s right to earn a living from her work. Amanda Hilton, Publisher www.SirenPublishing.com www.BookStrand.com

DEDICATION To the only person who really knows me.

A single nuclear weapon exploding at high altitude above the United States will produce an electromagnetic pulse (EMP), disabling much of our nation’s electric and mechanical infrastructure. This event would seriously impact citizens’ access to food, water, medical care, telecommunications, financial systems and transportation. Should this occur it would have irreversible effects on the country’s ability to support its population. Experts assert that nine out of ten Americans would be dead within a year due to starvation, disease and exposure. —Commission to Assess the Threat to the United States from Electromagnetic Pulse (EMP) Attack. 2004. Executive Report.

SAVED BY ONE, SHARED BY TWO SYLVIA RYAN Copyright © 2011

Chapter 1 This is it; I’m actually going to die here. Julia was not getting up. She couldn’t find the strength. That was okay with her, though. She was done even if she hadn’t fallen so violently from her bicycle. Julia’s will to live had drained from her with each passing mile of this journey. Night after night, she had forced herself to move. She forced herself to crawl out of the tall weeds where she lay hidden, damp and itchy through the daylight hours, and start her nightly struggle to survive. The previous night of travel had been the worst so far. Starvation and dehydration joined forces with fear and paranoia to play tricks on her mind. In the darkness, shadows on the side of the road jumped out at her like specters. The sensation of looming danger was unrelenting, and she couldn’t differentiate whether it was real or imagined. Irrational thoughts ping-ponged around in her head. She had trouble maintaining her train of thought on anything for more than an instant or two. Julia’s unchecked emotions had swelled until they rose out of her like lava from a volcano, ominous and uncontrollable. Desperation grew like a weed within her chest, and lucidity was as hard to catch as wishers floating in the breeze.

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Just an hour before, she had forced herself to move, to get up out of the culvert where she had hidden. Now she lay face down in the dirt, hoping to be found by some asshole with a gun. Then this daily struggle to survive would be completely over. It would be taken out of her hands. She wouldn’t have quit. She would have just been caught. Being attacked, robbed of her bike, and killed would be a quick, easy death, not like dying of dehydration or starvation. Julia tried again to pick herself up from the ground. Her muscles trembled and gave out almost immediately. She wasn’t going anywhere. Her rambling thoughts meandered back to life before the pulse. The normalcy, the almost mind-numbing repetition of her days had been a source of dissatisfaction at the time. Now, as she lay dying, alone in the middle of the night, the memories gave her a small measure of comfort. She easily conjured the familiar scene that spread out before her every day on her drive in to work. The cluster of three state prisons surrounded by glinting razor wire, nestled into a rural landscape of farmland and pastures, had started almost every one of her days in the last five years. Julia relaxed at the ordinary memories that materialized in her scrambled mind. Sergeant Connelley, the sergeant of her Unit. Her sergeant. Every morning he waited for her outside the main entrance of the prison. Every morning he greeted her with the same words, “Good morning, Miss Costa.” His guttural, monotone voice along with his drop-dead gorgeous body was sexy as hell, and many days he was the only reason she dragged her ass out of bed in the morning. Now she was preparing to die, and the sergeant was the only regret that came to mind. She had steered clear, despite her burning feelings for him, because he was her subordinate. That had been a mistake. Near dawn, a bird chirping nearby brought Julia out of her disjointed memories. She was dying, and that rodent with wings was

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singing right in her ear. Birds had no instinct for the mood of a place. They sang at the prison, too. In the warmer months, their song was the theme music during her five minute walk among hundreds of inmates across the compound to her unit. It was the soundtrack to the guilty pleasure and adrenaline rush of having so many pairs of eyes on her. The birdsong was always replaced by mewing sounds as she neared the entrance of her unit. Between themselves, the inmates called her kitten. The mewing was their warning to each other of her arrival. The meows skipped from man to man spreading like tentacles from the entrance to all four corners of the huge housing unit. She figured it took less than a minute for all of the inmates to know she was there. Julia opened her eyes. The sun was up. And still, that fucking bird was singing. Julia began to cry silent tears. It’s been two weeks, maybe more, since her last normal day. At the beginning, right after the pulse, she thought she could survive longer and cover more miles. Now she conceded that she would never make it to John, but if he knew how far she had gotten, he still would have been proud of her. She made a good assessment of the crisis. She’d identified the pulse right away. She had tried her hardest to survive and make it to him. But now, it was over. She couldn’t do it anymore. She was wasted away. Nobody would ever know what had happened to her. She was going to die here, alone. The cool dirt felt nice against her cheek. Her tears made wet pools in the earth underneath her face. It’s over. Julia smiled and welcomed her death. **** Arden saw the body facedown in the dirt, arms and legs splayed in different directions like a rag doll that had been tossed carelessly to

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the floor. He scanned the area for other people. He neither saw nor heard any. Ten feet away, the deformed skeleton of a bicycle lay on its side. He stepped closer to the figure. He thought the form was a child at first, but as he got a better look, he realized it was a woman. He crouched down next to her and checked her neck for a pulse. He found a faint beat and then slowly rolled her over. His heart lurched. She looked hurt. Blood and dirt were all over her face and clothes. This woman had been through hell. Arden picked her up. Good Lord, she was weightless, floating within the circle of his arms. With long-legged strides, he easily carried her the half mile back to his house. He took her right up the stairs to what used to be his parents’ room. Arden paused next to the bed and surveyed her. She was filthy from head to toe, every square inch of her caked with hardened mud and dirt. She had burrs in her hair and stuck to some of her clothes. He didn’t want to put her on the beautiful quilt his mother had made years before. With a curse, he set her on the floor and propped her against a chair. He walked down the hall to the linen closet and pulled an old sheet from the bottom of the neatly folded stack. Going back into his parents’ room, he spread the sheet out over the quilt, picked her up, and sat her on it. Arden gently removed a backpack still strapped to the woman’s back and laid her down. He started by looking for injuries. Tenderly, he pulled off her Tshirt and then undressed the rest of her. He was horrified by her emaciated form. Her ribs and hip bones jutted out beneath her skin. She was covered with hundreds of insect bites that seeped with infection. Her lips were dry and cracked from dehydration. He found some bruising and swelling on her face and rib area, but no severe injuries were apparent. Leaving her on the bed, Arden went to the well, pumped water into a clean bucket, and grabbed a washrag. Soaking the washrag in


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the cool water, he brought it to her mouth and dripped some in. He wet her lips and waited for her to swallow the little water that made it into her. He did this for a long time, not really knowing how much she was getting, because he gave her so little at a time. When Arden thought she’d had enough, he began cleaning her. He washed her face first, paying special attention to the dark purple bruises that almost completely covered the left side of her face. Dried blood was caked under her nose and smeared over the bruises. It looked like she’d had a bloody nose, because her skin didn’t have any open wounds. After her face, Arden meticulously cleaned and rinsed her entire body. He paid special attention to the infected insect bites, making sure he cleaned any ooze out of them that he could. He gently rolled her and searched to make sure he hadn’t missed anything and then applied antibiotic ointment to every individual infected bite. When he was done, Arden slid her underneath the quilt. He filled a pitcher of fresh water from the well and placed the pitcher and a glass on the night table, then sat on the edge of the bed and tried again to hydrate her with a clean wet washrag. That was all he could do, for now. She looked a little better cleaned up. Arden surveyed her gray skin, ragged lips, bruises, bites, and the slow rise and fall of her chest underneath the quilt. He touched her hair, brushing it away from her face. When he looked at her, his heart twisted. He felt an overwhelming need to care for her. To protect her. Arden didn’t want to leave her for long, but he picked up her dirty clothes and backpack and left her to sleep. Down on the first floor, he unzipped her little black leather backpack and dumped the contents out on the kitchen table. He picked up the Ohio driver’s license. Julia Costa, thirty years old. She was beautiful in her picture, with large brown eyes and full lips. He scanned the address. Grafton. He knew the city. It was the one with the prisons, easily over fifty miles away.

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He picked up a folded, crinkled, and worn map. The routes she had marked were so zigzagged that it looked like someone with ADHD mapped the trip for her. She had traveled significantly more than the fifty miles it should have taken her to get there. He went through the rest of the contents. Not much—a toiletry kit, water bottle, two keys, some cash, socks, a dress, a pen, and a CVS bag with a prescription in it. As he went to put the contents back into the pack, he noticed that it was a little too heavy for an empty bag. He turned it over and found a zipper around the bottom. Inside the bottom compartment was a book, a romance novel. Not something he would have picked, but the place was lacking for entertainment lately. He refilled the contents of the bag then grabbed the novel and some canned food for dinner. He read the evening away by candlelight, sitting next to Julia’s bed, waiting for her to wake up. The novel was a big mistake. Arden shook his head as he sat wide awake that night. Damn, he was worked up and a little ashamed of himself. He had not been turned-on at the time, but now, after that damn book, he mentally reviewed his afternoon with the naked Julia. He thought about her feather-weight, pixie-small body. She had a small, circular tattoo of a half sun, half moon about six inches below her belly button. Her pussy was hairless, and so, so pretty. His cock hardened just thinking about it. It’s been a while—too long. Arden spent most of the night awake and a big chunk of the next day worried that Julia wouldn’t make it. He continued to hydrate her and talked to her softly, encouraging her to wake up. He studied her for any movement or changes of expression. After spending so many hours caring for this sleeping, girl-sized woman, he grew attached to her. He shook his head at himself. He felt a fierce possessiveness toward her before she even woke up. ****


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Julia’s first moments of consciousness were confusing. It took her some time to remember the nightmare of the last…couple of weeks? Her throat was gravel, swollen, as though it had been stuffed with a shag rug. Her head played its own personal drum solo, and she felt dizzy, shaky. Looking around, Julia slowly took in the room—all flower wallpaper and farmhouse furniture. It was a bright, sunny day outside, and the sheers on the windows floated back and forth in the breeze. She caught sight of the water pitcher and glass on the bedside table and tried to sit up to reach for it. She couldn’t do it. Her right arm collapsed under her weight as she leaned over and tried to reach it with her left hand. She lay there, arm outstretched, looking at the pitcher of water as unconsciousness overtook her again. The next time Julia woke, it was dark, very dark, but she oriented herself more quickly than the last time and looked again for the water. Her body was right next to the night table this time, and the glass was already half filled for her. She grabbed for the glass and was surprised at how difficult it was to grip it correctly in her hands, but she drank, and oh mama, was it good. She wanted more but needed to readjust herself before she could even think about pouring. She turned her body slowly and caught sight of a figure sitting in a chair by the window. She stilled. It was a man. He was motionless except for his deep, steady breathing. Sleeping. It was too dark to make out his features. She carefully poured more water and, with shaky hands, drank again. When she was done, she replaced the glass on the table and closed her eyes. I didn’t make it. She let that thought sink in. What now? There was a part of her that wished she had just died. She had nowhere to go. She would never make it to John. Hell, it had been so long, she didn’t even know if he was still at the National Guard base. The thought of continuing her trek to find her brother was disheartening. She felt defeated, physically and emotionally.

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Julia tried to formulate a plan. She couldn’t. Her brain felt scrambled. Her thoughts were a waking dream as she hovered between sleep and consciousness, until sleep won out again. The next time she woke, the sun was shining through the window, landing with the gentleness of a kiss on her shoulder. The water in the glass next to her was refilled. She glanced over to the chair. Empty. The sound of somebody chopping wood floated through the open window. She reached for the full glass and drank deeply. In the light of day, Julia took a better assessment of herself. She pulled away the quilt that covered her, finding herself naked underneath. She was skinnier than she could have imagined, and she was covered in red bumps. She gingerly swung her legs over the edge of the bed. An unexpected groan left her lips as her shoulders slumped and her head fell chin-to-chest as if it weighed as much as a bowling ball. She poured more water and drank. She was breathing hard, and her whole body trembled from just that little bit of exertion. There was a chair next to the window. She stood up, took a few slow steps, and fell forward into it. After turning her body around, she could see through the window to the source of the chopping and the landscape beyond. Julia grinned. Even half-dead, she appreciated the fine specimen of man she peered down on. He was tall, muscled, and lean. His sandcolored hair waved every which way in the breeze. His bare back and chest beaded with sweat over beautifully tanned skin. Beyond him, there was a barn. She moved her eyes to the surrounding landscape. Corn. Browning stalks of corn as far as the eye could see. She was in a Little House on the Prairie episode. She snickered to herself. As if sensing her, the man glanced up to her window. He met her eyes, smiled, put his ax down, and walked toward the house.


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Julia looked down at her naked body and decided she’d try to get back under the quilt before he could get up there and see her in all her naked splendor. Ha, naked splendor. She was still hilarious. With determination, she braced her hands on the upholstered arms of the chair, lifted herself up, and promptly fell into a bony heap onto the wood floor. “Fuck,” she muttered under her breath. “Is this how you always meet new people, or am I just blessed?” he asked with a chuckle as he walked in the door. He picked her up from the floor with one arm under her knees and the other supporting her back. Okay, naked splendor it is. The man set her down on the bed gently and covered her with the quilt. He looked her in the eye as if trying to read her expression. “How long have I been here?” she asked through her raw and swollen throat. “This is the morning of day three,” he said as he sat down on the edge of the bed next to her. “It was touch and go for a while. I wasn’t sure you were going to make it when you didn’t wake up at all for the first day and a half. But, as it turned out, you were lucky. All you needed was water and rest. Oh, I’m Arden, by the way,” he said, and stuck out his hand toward her. He had tousled, sandy-brown hair and friendly, smiling brown eyes. He was handsome in a clean cut, allAmerican, outdoorsman kind of way. “Julia Costa.” She reached out her hand and shook his. “Let me get you some food and more water,” he said. “Then we’ll see about getting you dressed.” He stood and started heading for the door. “Um, Arden?” Julia croaked out. “Yeah?” He turned back to face her. “Where’s the bathroom?” He glanced at the half-empty pitcher at the bedside table, and he smiled.

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“Well, you must be feeling better.” He paused. “The indoor plumbing isn’t working anymore, so you have a choice. I can bring a bucket up for you or you could use the facilities in the outhouse.” She cringed at her choices as he waited for an answer with an amused look on his face. “Are you the only person living here?” “Yeah.” He looked at her questioningly. Julia looked down at her quilt covered lap for a moment. “I don’t think I can do either of those choices by myself,” she mumbled. “Well, don’t worry about that. You got me. I’ll go get the bucket.” He left the room without waiting for a response. Julia’s mind flashed back to her unit at the prison. The inmates’ bathroom situation was the most shocking aspect of her job when she’d been first hired there. The industrial-size room full of toilets, sinks, and showers was without stalls, and it had one floor-to-ceiling wall of reinforced glass. The transparent wall fell directly behind the unit’s correction officers’ desk. Not only could the CO see every movement of everybody in the room, but so could everyone else, inmate and staff alike. It was very disconcerting seeing men sitting on the toilet and taking showers without a shred of privacy. She smiled at the irony. It looked like she was going to get a little taste of just what that felt like. She heard him coming up the stairs, but instead of returning to the room, he stopped somewhere else first. When he reappeared, he had a man’s size T-shirt in his hands. “Here, put this on first.” He tossed her the shirt and turned his back to her. It took her forever to put the damn thing on. Just lifting her arms to put the head hole in place was frickin’ ridiculous. “Okay, done,” she said after completing the task. He turned back around, walked over to the bed, lifted her, and carried her out of the bedroom door. As he turned the corner, she saw a bathroom at the top of the stairs.


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“Can you sit by yourself?” he asked. “I think so.” “I put a small bucket in the toilet bowl so that you would have something to sit on. You’ll have the counter next to the toilet to hold onto if you need it. If you think you can, I’ll sit you down and give you some privacy.” He promptly put her bare ass on the pot, and looked at her. “Okay?” “Yeah.” “I’ll be right outside. Call me when you need me to come back and get you.” He turned and closed the door behind him. Julia peed for about four seconds, and that was all there was. It seemed barely worth the trip. She looked around. Ah, toilet paper, haven’t seen that in a while. She used only a tiny piece because she knew it was a limited luxury. She pulled the T-shirt down as far as it would go and called, “Okay, Arden.” She heard a few steps coming toward the doorway. Arden came in, picked her up, and brought her back into the room. “I washed your clothes. They’re in the top drawer of the dresser when you’re ready to start moving around again. Your backpack is over there, too, if you’d like it.” “I would love to brush my teeth.” He nodded and went over to get her pack. “I don’t recommend toothpaste right now. Your lips are pretty shredded and the menthol in the toothpaste might hurt.” He paused handing her the pack. “I’m going to go get you some food. Need anything else while I’m gone?” he asked as he poured another glass of water and set it on the bedside table. “No.” It came out like a croak despite her trying to talk in a normal voice. “Arden?” He turned around and paused to look at her right before reaching the door. “Thanks.”

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“You’re welcome, Julia.” As he spoke, his face darkened, and his eyes locked with hers. Then, he turned and left. Oh man, he is one fine country boy. Julia rested, slipping in and out of sleep until Arden returned with two plates of food containing rice, green beans, and some fresh meat. “I was lucky enough to catch a rabbit today,” he said with a look of satisfaction on his face. “Sorry it took so long, but I had to skin and clean it, and cooking isn’t as easy as it used to be.” He pulled the chair from its place by the window and sat toward the foot of the bed facing her, the two plates arranged in between them. “I thought we’d have a bed picnic.” His eyes flashed to the water glass. “You’ve been drinking. Good. Now all we have to do is get a little food into you, and you should be up and around maybe even by tomorrow.” Julia nodded. “I know your throat hurts. How ’bout I do most of the talking tonight?” Julia nodded again and ate a green bean. “Mmm, good,” she whispered. “Go slow, you haven’t eaten in days. I don’t want you to get sick.” He smiled at her. “So, okay, where do I start? Um…This is my farm. It was my parents’, but they’re both gone now. My mom died from cancer when I was in high school. My dad, a heart attack last year. I have a younger sister, Laura. She’s at OSU. Well, at least she used to be. I really don’t know now.” He paused, looked down at his plate, and filled his fork with beans. He ate a couple more bites of food before taking a deep breath and continuing. “I agonized about whether I should try to find her, but it’s very possible that by the time I traveled the fifty miles or so to get there, she would be gone. Anyway, I figured Laura would try to make it home, the best I could do was make sure she had a home to come back to. She has some clothes left in her room. If you like, you can look through them to see if you can use anything. She’s not as tiny as you are, but you might find some things you can use.”


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“Thanks,” Julia croaked, then laughed at the sound of her own voice. “I sound like a frog.” Arden laughed with her. “Or like you’ve been smoking for about a hundred years.” After the laughter died down, Arden continued. “The news that has been spreading farm to farm is that this glitch in technology is big. According to my neighbors down the street, it definitely spreads across the Ohio-PA border. They have family that traveled here from PA just after everything quit.” Julia looked at him with raised eyebrows. “How?” “Horse and buggy. You’re in Amish country.” Julia nodded. “Being Amish is definitely an advantage now.” While she nibbled, Arden told her about the raiders that had crisscrossed the countryside in the weeks after everything quit working. “People are on the move, searching for food and water. Things have got to be pretty bad out there for them to walk this far off the beaten path. We’re in a pretty remote area out here. Now that the farm next door burnt down, my next closest neighbors are about seven miles away. Still, I’ve had to defend the farm about a dozen times and had to kill a few men that wouldn’t take the sight of my rifle as warning.” Arden shook his head and sighed. “My neighbors at the next farm over were murdered a few nights ago. I still can’t believe it. I grew up with them. Their son Ben is my best friend.” Arden smiled, more to himself than at her. “Ben and I were inseparable growing up. We worked together all summer, first completing one boy’s chores and then going to the neighboring farm and completing the other’s. Our home was either farm we found ourselves at, and it went without saying that where you found one of us, you would find the other. “He’s been away for a while and wasn’t home to help his parents defend the farm. I assume they got caught off guard by raiders

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looking for food or water. Their house was burned to the ground. It’s been like the old West, kill or be killed.” A mix of emotions flashed over his face. He cleared his throat and ran his fingers through his hair. “I was actually hunting when I found you. You were lucky, because I don’t leave the farm very often.” Arden fell silent and finished his meal. He sat back in his chair, watching her try to fit the meal into her pea-sized stomach. She felt like it took forever even though she had very little portions on her plate to start with. When she finished eating, Arden got up from the bed, collected the dishes, and set them on the dresser next to the door. Then he lit a candle and put it on the night table next to the bed. He went on detailing the preparations he’d been making for winter and the modifications he’d had to make so that the farm was livable, including digging and building the outhouse and fixing the hand pump to the well. Julia’s eyes got big at the mention of the pumped water. “I need to clean up, wash my hair. Do you think maybe tomorrow you could…I could use that?” He nodded. “I’ve been keeping your skin pretty clean, but there wasn’t much I could do with your hair. Speaking of your skin, let me take a look at your bites. See if I need to put any more ointment on them.” He came over and sat on the edge of the bed next to her and brought the candle closer. “Roll and face the other way,” he said gently. Julia followed his direction and lay on her side with her back toward him. He pulled up the T-shirt and gently caressed her long hair away from her skin. Slowly, carefully, he inspected the bites on the back of her arms and back. She could feel him pause at a spot here and there and then felt his finger touch her tender skin, rubbing ointment on the spots he must have thought needed attention.


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Instead of asking her to roll back, he walked with the candle to the other side of the bed. “I don’t want you to roll over for a while if you can help it. There are some areas there that could benefit from the Neosporin, and it would be best if it didn’t get rubbed off onto the sheets or the T-shirt.” He brought the candle close to her face and studied a few areas. She focused on his face as he touched her cheek with some ointment, but his gaze never met hers. “Looks good,” he said, bringing her arms forward to inspect them. “I’m going to pull up the shirt in front, just stay on your side. I’ll do all the work.” He brought up the front of the shirt and moved the candle closer. His eyes were serious and his inspection meticulous. With the Neosporin tube in hand, he dabbed some to a few spots on her chest and arms. He shifted her arm to the side and closely inspected her breasts and torso. Her nipples hardened as he lightly touched a few more spots with the ointment. His light, lingering touch traveled down her body, delivering more attention than it had received in a very long time. “Looks good, but, same as the back, if you can help from rubbing the spots, the antibacterial will have a better chance to work.” He grabbed an extra pillow and placed it at a comfortable angle to support her head and neck and covered her loosely with the quilt. “You comfortable?” Arden looked into her tired stare. A whispered “yes” was all Julia could manage. The candlelight, in combination with her full stomach and his tender ministrations, put her on the brink of sleep. “Call me if you need anything. I’ll be close by.” He made his way toward the door and grabbed the empty plates on the dresser. “’Kay.” Julia lay there. Her mind drifted. No other man had ever cared for her in the way that Arden had today. Well, John cared just as much, of course. It was because of both John and Arden that she was alive. Arden reminded her a lot of her brother. They were both caring, capable men.

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Chapter 2 The following day, Julia was strong enough to get out of bed by herself. With a groan, she lifted herself to standing, steadying herself on the bedpost. Julia walked down the hallway and into the bathroom. She wanted to see what her face looked like. When she found herself in the mirror, she gasped. Her hair was a series of hopelessly tangled knots. Apparently I’ve gone Rasta during my journey, ya mon. She smiled. Still hilarious, Julia. The purple-yellow bruises and swelling on her face indicated where she had face-planted after being thrown from the bike. Everywhere else, her skin looked grayish. The skin on her lips was cracked and peeling off. She met her own eyes in the mirror. They were dull, defeated. When she smiled at herself, her battle-scarred lips and dead eyes made it look like she was grimacing in pain. She turned away from the mirror, no longer wanting to see herself. Julia walked herself down the stairs carefully using the banister with both hands. At the bottom of the stairs, the country kitchen was to her left. It was large and functional. Oak cabinets lined the walls above well-worn butcher block counters. There was a rectangular oak table in the middle of the room with ladder-back chairs. A door that looked like it led to a porch and the field beyond was on the far side of the kitchen. To the right of the stairs was the family room. A large window looked out over a country road. There was a wood-burning stove in the far corner of the room, a love seat with what looked like another


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handmade quilt folded over the arm, and a rocking chair. Clean, simple and welcoming. Julia turned left and walked through the kitchen and then through the door leading outside. The wraparound porch looked out over acres of browning cornfields painted against a blue, cloudless sky. She gingerly made her way over to sit on the swing that hung by chains from the overhang that covered the porch. Her bedroom window must be directly above, because the view matched the one from the day before. Arden came around the corner of the house on her right and smiled when he caught sight of her. “Hey, Pa, when are Mary and Ma coming back from the mercantile?” she asked him in a mocking voice. He burst out laughing, “Great minds think alike. I’ve been making some Little House references myself in the past few weeks.” He chuckled and walked toward her. “How you doing, half-pint?” “Much, much better. But I’m really looking forward to that fancy outhouse you were telling me about yesterday.” He waved her to follow him, and then paused. “You need any help?” “Nope.” Julia descended the stairs slowly, using the railing for support. “Well, I’m impressed. Guess I should start giving you some chores to do. It’s about time you started pulling your weight around here,” he said with a broad smile. They walked back around the corner of the house together. He stopped and gestured with an elaborate wave of his hand. “Your facilities, ma’am.” He then changed direction and started walking back toward the rear of the house. “Thanks,” she called over her shoulder. ****

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Julia ate a fresh apple for breakfast. Then, Arden gave her a quick tour of the place, showing her the water and cooking setups he’d developed. “I’ll be cooking on the wood stove inside when the weather starts turning.” “The big question is will you have any food to cook?” Julia asked. “I think as far as food goes, making it through the winter won’t be a problem. I just need to keep the house defended.” Julia nodded. “You want to wash up at the pump now or after I get done with my chores?” Remembering her hair’s Bob Marley impression, she answered without hesitation. “Now would be wonderful, if you don’t mind.” “No problem, just as long as you return the favor once your strength comes back enough to pump for me. I’ll grab some soap and a towel for you. You want your jeans and T-shirt?” he asked as his eyes flickered over her bare legs that peeked out from under the toolarge T-shirt she swam in. “Yes. Please,” she added as he headed in to get the supplies. When he came back out he set a bottle of shampoo, a washrag, and a bar of soap next to the hand pump. He set the towel and her clothes a little farther away so they would stay dry. “You ready? It’s going to be cold,” he said with a tone of warning. “No time like the present.” She knelt in front of the pump. Thinking she would wash her hair first, she left the oversized T-shirt on and bent over so the water would fall down from the nape of her neck. Arden started pumping, and boy, he wasn’t kidding. It was cold. A squeal escaped Julia’s mouth as the water poured over her hair and down her body. The water hardened her nipples instantly, and his white T-shirt clung to her skin. She ripped the shirt off right away, realizing that the cold material sticking to her skin made her colder. She lathered up her hair and didn’t bother with the bar of soap. She


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used the extra shampoo bubbles as soap to wash her face and upper body. While quickly rinsing off the top half of her body, she noticed that Arden watched her from the corner of his eye as he pumped the water for her. When she picked up the bar of soap, wet it, and stood to lather her bottom half, he looked away. Julia had never washed her hair or body faster. The cold water left her breathless, even in the relative warmth of the sunny morning. “I’m done, I’m done!” she squealed, hugging herself as she went for the dry towel. She wrapped it around her shoulders, teeth chattering. “That did not feel as good as I thought it was going to.” She bent over, still moving like an invalid, and scooped up her clothes. She yelled, “Thanks, Arden!” over her shoulder as she climbed the steps to the porch and disappeared into the house. **** Holy shit. That was the sexiest fucking thing he’d ever seen. Still, the last thing he wanted was to have her catch him leering at her with a hard-on. And he was sporting a raging hard-on after that display. The constriction of the denim was almost painful against him. It intrigued him that she didn’t try to hide herself from him. The fact that she was so comfortable with her nudity, that she didn’t seem to care much if he was looking or not, captivated him. She had only been up for a day, but he was overwhelmingly aware that he had a serious attraction to that sliver of a woman. He looked at the ground and shook his head. He felt her presence in his chest. It tightened when she was close, and it felt like he had to breathe heavier just to get enough oxygen. Her nearness physically changed him, his breathing and his heart rate. His almost continuous erection since her arrival was not helping. He was seriously flustered, in need, and frustrated. Arden didn’t remember ever having a reaction to a woman like this. Some women had come and gone in his life, but none he had any

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serious feelings for. Not like Julia. She activated some kind of primal need within him. He wanted to make her his. He wanted to protect her and, well, fuck her. He wondered if it had anything to do with saving her life. Would he have feelings like this for any woman he’d saved? He didn’t think so. Arden picked up the shampoo and soap and put them on the porch then grabbed his T-shirt and spread it over the railing to dry in the sun. Adjusting himself so he could walk more comfortably with his erection, he strode off to the wood pile to work off some extra energy. His long day of hard work stretched until amber and salmon streaks dyed the sky near the horizon. Arden looked forward to spending time with Julia tonight. He promised himself he wouldn’t think about her sexually. He honestly wanted to get to know her without sex to muck up how things played out between them. When he caught sight of her—clean, dressed in her jeans and Tshirt, her long brown hair brushed away from her face in a ponytail— he registered a second of recognition. She was starting to look like the woman in her driver’s license picture again. He had to smile. He just couldn’t stop himself. “Hope you’re hungry,” he said as he held up tomatoes and cucumbers from the garden. They sat in the kitchen eating the sliced vegetables while Arden listened to Julia talk. She told him about her brother, John, and their conversation years before about the possibility of something like the pulse happening some day. “It was his first visit since he’d become a National Guardsman. He was excited about the new direction his life was taking. We talked for hours, drinking beer and catching up. “We got on the subject of the holes in the country’s defenses that terrorists could easily use to their advantage. He mentioned everything from biological weapons to attacks on key targets like what happened with 9/11.


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“We even talked about the bird flu, which was in the news at the time. He said that something as simple as a mandatory quarantine for two weeks would cause complete chaos. “I was fascinated by the topic. We talked for hours.” Julia paused. Her expression revealed the nostalgia she felt remembering that day with her brother. Then she sobered quickly. “Well, anyway, because of that conversation, I recognized what this was as soon as it happened. It was one of the worst-case scenarios we talked about that night. I think he called it an electrical pulse, something like that. It causes a total disruption of all electrical systems, and because practically everything we use nowadays has some sort of electronic circuitry, literally all critical functions of U.S. society would be useless. Nothing electric works. No machine containing electrical components works. That translates to no lights, no heat, no phones, no city water, no cars except for very old ones, no access to money.” “So how much of the U.S. do you think is affected?” “John said that it would only take one detonation to affect most of the country, and there would be no chance of repair or rebuilding before the complete breakdown of modern society.” Julia reached out and touched Arden’s forearm. “Think about it. I mean really think about it. No cars means no cops. Criminals would begin their reign of terror immediately. There would be a run on the stores for food, medicine and water. Even after all the stores are cleared out, groceries only stock enough food to feed the local population for about three days. After that, everybody has to find their own food. Loss of power to water pumps translates into people literally dying of thirst in less than a week. People who rely on medication to keep them alive every day would be dead within a week or two. Bodies start to pile up. Human waste starts to pile up, causing disease.

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Julia shook her head then leaned back in her chair. Until that moment, she hadn’t even noticed how closely she was leaning in toward him. ”When I realized what was going on, I knew this was going to turn into a clusterfuck pretty quickly. Just the Cleveland area alone has about two and a half million people. Things were going to get a lot worse before they got better. John had said the rebuilding process of just the power grid alone would take years.” Julia set down her fork and took a drink. “When the pulse happened, I was stranded on my way to a park that has a bike trail. I was lucky. I had my bike on the rack of my Jeep and my gym bag in the back. I packed up what I thought I could use and just started riding. I thought that if I could get to John at the National Guard base in Pennsylvania, I would be safe.” “It seems like you should have been able to cover more ground in the weeks you were riding.” Julia nodded. “I honestly didn’t think riding my bike over the long distance would be so hard, but I realized quickly that I’d been suffering from a case of overconfidence. I traveled at night and hid in brush, fields, whatever I could find during the day. That slowed me down considerably. The dark was a double edged sword because it was easier to slip quickly and quietly past people, but it made it harder to find food and water. After a few of nights, when I saw that people were starting to crowd the roads in search of food and water, I started to stay away from major routes and cities completely. “I still had a couple of close calls, though. During the day, when I was hiding and trying to sleep, I started noticing bands of men travelling together. They swarmed farms, slaughtering the livestock for food. They robbed other people they came upon on the road.” Julia lifted her chin and donned what looked like a carefully constructed look of strength. “I barely had time to avoid a group of them. I ducked into a ditch at the side of the road before they saw me.” Julia’s voice wavered. “But then they stopped for the night so


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close to where I was hiding…” Julia trailed off. “I listened to them rape a woman for most of the night. When they left in the morning, she was dead.” Arden sat quietly for a few seconds. “You were lucky,” he said tenderly. Julia nodded. “After that, I just grew weaker every night. Food and water got harder and harder to find. I was completely exposed to the elements. Toward the end, I spent more time hiding from people than travelling. By that time, I couldn’t travel more than a mile or two each night before I had to quit anyway. “Then that last night, my bike hit something on the trail. It stopped. I didn’t.” Julia picked up the fork she had set down during her account of her journey and started eating. Arden was silent, not knowing how to respond to everything she’d just said. Then the sudden silence in the room was filled with the sounds of sheer pleasure that escaped Julia as she relished the food. Her moans hijacked his train of thought and were starting to turn him on. He changed the subject. “So, where did you work?” “I was a Unit Manager at one of the state prisons out in Grafton.” “What exactly does a Unit Manager do?” “Everything.” She laughed. “The inmates called the managers of the three housing units mini-wardens. It’s an accurate description from their perspective, but in reality the managers worked way harder than the actual warden did.” “How on earth did you end up working there?” “After I got my masters in social work and criminal justice, I started working for a gang intervention program at Juvenile Court. I spent five years working in the hood. I had a very low success rate. I was frustrated. So, when I saw the job opening at the prison, I applied.

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“Jeez.” Arden shook his head, looking at her. “You’re so tiny, weren’t you scared?” He detected a hint of irritation in her expression. Still, he knew the look on his face was one of disbelief or shock. “Close your mouth, Arden. It’s not that unbelievable.” She shook her head. “I learned a long time ago that my size gives people the impression that I’m a cute little thing—nice, a pushover, weak, whatever. That is not me, and it’s taken years to win that battle. But I did win it. Don’t underestimate me.” Julia’s story altered his initial opinion of her. He saw that she wasn’t a fragile girly-girl. Why had he thought that in the first place? Probably because of the condition in which he’d found her. He had to completely reform his conception of her. She was strong, but it was obvious she didn’t feel the immediate need to prove it. She was independent, intelligent. She knew who she was and what she’d wanted from life. She was a woman, not a girl, despite what she looked like. Arden admired Julia’s independence and determination. He didn’t think many people would have made it as far as she had traveling alone. He was convinced that the only reason she was alive was because of her decision to travel at night and on little-known roads and trails. “So, what else?” Arden asked. “Do you have any average qualities or are they all of the superhero variety?” She laughed. “I like to run, and I love music. I wish I’d had my music to listen to all those nights I was riding. It would have helped me a lot.” “Helped you? How?” “Hmm, it’s like lyrics in the music help me work out whatever feelings I’m dealing with. Most of the time, it’s not okay to openly show your feelings, especially when you work where I do. Did,” she corrected herself. “So, I’d take a long run or a ride and listen to just the right songs to help me get it all sorted out, get centered again. And, when I was done, I wasn’t angry anymore, or lonely, or


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whatever. It’s like my own personal therapy sessions, you know what I mean?” “Yeah, I do. You know, I play the guitar. I might be able to play some of the songs you’re missing.” “That would be nice,” she said, smiling. “Oh, I’ve been meaning to ask you about my bike.” “Trashed,” he said with a shake of his head. “Why? You still planning on finding your brother?” “I’ve been thinking about it.” Every cell in Arden‘s body screamed no! He couldn’t let her go. It was dangerous and, well, he just didn’t want her to go anywhere, ever. “You don’t have to leave here. You can stay as long as you like,” he said, meeting her eyes. God, he could look into her gorgeous, chocolate-brown eyes forever. He forced himself to look away from her. “Besides, your bike is mangled beyond repair, and the weather’s getting colder. It’s not a good idea.” Julia didn’t reply at first, “I know, you’re right, but I can’t just impose myself on you. You’re too nice to turn me away, but we both know with food so scarce, it would be easier to keep one person alive than two.” She put her hand up to stop him from speaking. “But, I don’t have a death wish either.” At least not anymore. “Don’t worry about food. We’ll have enough to last through the winter if need be. We might be eating a whole lot of corn, but we’ll have enough to keep us alive.” Arden saw Julia’s thought processes vacillate through the expression in her eyes. She was doing the math, and he knew she would come to the same bottom line he had. She didn’t have any other reasonable choice. “So you’ll stay at least until we know exactly what’s going on?” he pressed. “And when the time comes, we’ll talk about this again. Okay?” He looked at her squarely in the eye. “Okay?” “I’m just not feeling comfortable about taking your charity.”

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“And you’re comfortable hiding in ditches and starving to death?” His tone of voice changed from good-humored to deadly serious, along with his mood. “Leaving right now is suicide Julia, and I can’t let you do it.” “Okay, Jesus!” Julia leaned back in her chair and crossed her arms. She looked pissed, but she had capitulated, and that’s all he wanted. “Good. Now we both need to get to bed. I have a lot of work to do before winter, and you need to recuperate.” Arden stacked the dinner plates to wash the next morning, locked the back door, and blew out the candle in the kitchen. “Damn, it’s seriously dark in here,” Julia whispered. Arden walked up behind her, placed his hands on her hips, and guided her to the base of the staircase. He led her up the stairs to the second floor with his hands still resting on each side of her. As he turned her into her room, he let go of her waist. “Goodnight, Julia.” “Goodnight.” **** Julia couldn’t even remember the last time she’d let a man touch her as intimately as he had just done. She loved it. The feel of powerful, manly hands weighing down her hips, almost encircling the expanse of her waist, the heat of his touch, made her wet for him and prompted twirly flutters in her stomach. Her breath had quickened, and her nipples hardened, but thankfully, in the dark, he didn’t notice. After a mere two days, he was already inside her wall. Inside her defenses. A fantasy flashed behind her closed eyes as she lay in bed that night. Arden was taking her from behind, pulling her toward him, one hand on her shoulder, one clutching her braid. He wildy hammered his cock into her. His muscles danced and shifted under his sweatsheened skin.


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She opened her eyes to get the picture out of her mind. She thought of the grimacing, bruised, insect-bitten face that she’d seen in the mirror that morning and remembered how hideous she looked. Realization dawned. He really had only touched her to guide her. Crap. That was a disappointment and a relief. Julia knew she had to get a grip. She was going to be here with him for a while. No need to complicate things. Now, if she could just convince her body.

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Chapter 3 A few days later, when Julia was a little stronger, Arden asked her if she would pump the well for him. “I’ve been washing out of a bucket for almost a month now, and it sure would feel good to get a shower, so to speak.” “Sure, no problem. Just let me finish my breakfast. I’ll meet you outside when I’m done.” Arden went upstairs for clean clothes and a towel. The soap and shampoo were still outside on the porch. “Just pump for me until I get totally wet, then you can rest until I’m ready to rinse off,” he said as he took off his clothes. The large iron lever that pumped the water up from the well was harder to push and pull than Julia thought it would be. After a minute, she was winded. She sat down cross-legged to rest as she waited for Arden to wash. Now that she wasn’t working, she glanced up at him. She admired his defined abs, and he was lean and muscular enough that she could see the V of his muscles that started at his hip bones and ended at his cock. She loved that. She didn’t look away to give him privacy. She realized later it didn’t even cross her mind. She just admired the gorgeous male form in front of her. Wet. With a trail of foamy bubbles rolling down his chest. His muscles moved and flexed as he washed himself. His cock wasn’t hard, but it looked to be a good size. She smiled. “What are you smiling at?” She jerked her head up and flicked her eyes up to his. “See something you like?” he asked, smiling.


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She didn’t answer him, but she also didn’t blush and look away like some fourteen-year-old girl. Get a grip, Julia. Remember, just staying for a little while. No complications. “I’m ready. You can start pumping again,” he said, breaking the mutual stare. She was still smiling a little when Arden gave her the signal to stop pumping and wrapped a towel around his waist. Holy hell, he was hot. She smiled broadly. Just about the best entertainment she’d had since she got there. Julia’s blood simmered under her skin and her pussy began to throb with the awareness of the physical perfection in front of her. As she started to turn to walk away, Arden angled up close to her, invading her personal space. “You didn’t answer my question.” His gaze shimmered over her body. Julia’s heart pumped faster, and her sex was instantly wet for him. She looked up and met his eyes. She could feel her cheeks heat up under his gaze. Oh hell, forget complications. Julia prayed that he would take the initiative, be aggressive and act. She willed him to do something. She wanted him to grab her by the nape of the neck and jerk her toward him. She wanted him to take her, every part of her, from her rockhard nipples to her puckered rear entrance. Not asking. Just doing, as if she already belonged to him. He didn’t. He balked, probably waiting for her to give some indication he could advance, a verbal go-ahead, so to speak. That was too bad, because she was never going to give him an obvious green light. He would have to desire her enough to risk rejection and make the first move, take what he wanted. Julia wasn’t playing games. There was a method to her madness. She knew if she had to be the one to wear the pants, sexually speaking, that she wouldn’t want what he had to give more than once or twice. She needed a man in bed, not a boy, and the first indication

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that he may have what it took to satisfy her was taking that first step with confidence and aggression. She stood her ground and waited a few heartbeats more, then shrugged and walked away from him without a word. **** Over the next week, Julia regained her strength. She worked long days side by side with Arden. They harvested some apples that had not already been scavenged, from the very tops of trees on his property, and pears from a tree close to the remains of the charred house on the neighboring farm. They spent days peeling and canning and slicing and drying on screens pulled from the windows of the house. They stored piles of fruit in the root cellar next to potatoes from the garden. Other garden vegetables were preserved as they ripened. She had completed several batches of tomatoes, and with her confidence building and a canning recipe book that had once been Arden’s mother’s, she tried her hand at canning a few jars of salsa. Julia loved the time she spent with Arden. He was smart and easy to get along with. She felt the chemistry between them, and she knew he did too. It was exciting to be so aroused on a regular basis. It didn’t get old. She guessed every woman liked feeling the buzz of sexual attraction and the anticipation of waiting for the next move. There just hadn’t been any next move. It took about two weeks for Julia to really start feeling like herself again. She had gained back some of the weight she’d lost, and her energy level was back to normal. During some downtime, Julia decided that she was going to take a run and put some miles behind her. She hadn’t run at all since she got there, and she definitely felt up to it now. Julia knew it was dangerous and didn’t care. She needed some sense of routine and a connection to her former self. Her life was so


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different at the farm that sometimes she felt like she didn’t even know herself anymore, like she was living someone else’s life. Lacing up her shoes, she actually felt a flutter of excitement at the prospect of exploring. She headed out to the road and jogged at a good clip for several miles. The weather was still so unseasonably warm. The leaves on the trees that lined one side of the road were turning. On the other side was beautiful country with farmland as far as the eye could see. It also felt a little eerie. There were no cows, goats or horses one would expect to see grazing in the pastures. Julia noticed a few animal carcasses as she passed by. The rancid smell of the rotting remains of the animals traveled in the breeze. They’d likely been killed and eaten by the raiders Arden had talked about. There were no signs of life anywhere. It was like she and Arden were the only people left in the world. She saw no one. Absolutely no one. They were so far out in the middle of nowhere that even before the pulse it was likely that this one-lane, rutted road was deserted most of the time. Julia was about to turn around to get away from the horrid smell when she ran upon an abandoned car. She decided to search the interior before she turned around to go home. To her delight, she hit pay dirt. In the backseat she found a book bag with two textbooks and some spiral notebooks. “Toilet paper!” she sang to herself. She continued to search the car, checking under the seats and in the glove box. In the glove box, jackpot again—hand sanitizer and travel-size hand wipes. Okay, there is a real problem when I get so psyched over a bottle of hand sanitizer. She grabbed the book bag, dropped the wipes and sanitizer in it, and popped the trunk. Julia walked back to see if there was anything else worth taking. “Fuck!” Caught off guard, Julia jumped back from what she saw, what she smelled. Inside, a bloated and black body covered with maggots and a swarm of flies greeted her with a misshapen, bare toothed smile.

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Fear slammed into Julia’s body just as powerfully as if she’d run into the path of an oncoming train. She felt her heart rate and breathing speed up even as she froze, staring at the atrocity in front of her. It was like the scene of a movie, her own personal horror show. Julia found her legs and turned back toward the farm. She ran, book bag in hand, until she could see the farmhouse in the distance. Only then did she feel comfortable enough to slow down to a walk. Julia’s stomach turned, and it was like a switch had been flipped deep inside of her. Sadness and distress invaded her mind and heart. She had been so busy trying to survive and then recuperating and adjusting to her new situation that she had not really given any thought to the hard, cold reality of what had happened to the world, to all those people away from the farm. No, it was more than that. She purposely blocked out realities she didn’t want to face. She had busied herself to distraction so that she could overlook the new, grim reality of her life and the world around her. It was a common coping mechanism. She just hadn’t realized she’d been doing it. The world was very different now. Permanently changed for everybody who survived. Six months, a year, even two years from now, it was likely that the car she just raided would still be sitting right where it was, with that body using the trunk as a coffin. It had been over a month since the pulse. From the discussion she’d had with John so long ago, Julia assumed most of the people she knew were probably dead, or close to it. She might never see her mother or her brother ever again. Feelings of despair silently crept up on Julia like a cat stalking its prey. Alone. She was completely alone in the world now. She’d been playing house with some guy she didn’t even know to escape reality. So what now? Now that she’d opened her eyes and started to really see what had changed and where her life was going, or not going would probably be more accurate, what next? Her and Arden?


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She was feeling weird in the pit of her stomach since she’d left the farm. It didn’t feel right to not be with him. Oh sure, she enjoyed spending time with him and secretly lusting for him. She hoped he would take her when he wanted instead of just pussyfooting around. She still wouldn’t make the first move. She never did, not with any man. Period. She had noticed his hard-ons and was disappointed that he’d never acted on them. Oh, she wanted him. She had made a hobby of watching him work, watching his muscles strain under tanned, smooth skin, watching his sweet package bulge underneath his jeans. She was so damn horny by the end of the day that her panties were soaked when she took them off at night to wash them. Yet, Julia knew that it was more than that. She had more feelings for him than just lust. He was actually all she would look for in a man. Handsome. Intelligent. Hard working. But the sex thing. It was becoming a curse. With the current living arrangements, she couldn’t just walk away when she became bored with the nice country boy routine. She lived with the man in his house. Julia had dated nice guys—sexy, nice guys just like Arden. But bottom line, she grew bored after a while. Nice, safe guys didn’t challenge her. Julia knew herself well enough to know that eventually her dark, sexual perversions wouldn’t be satisfied. She loved the sexual rush she got from feeling that she was doing something she shouldn’t be doing. Pushing limits. Being deviant. She loved edgy banter that incited a man to control her. She wanted to be controlled in bed. Bottom line, she’d known for a long time that normal, “nice” sex didn’t fulfill the warped side of her sexual needs, especially after the relationship became comfortable. Julia had dominated thousands of men for years at her job. She needed to be able to hand the control over to her lover. There was a piece of her that wanted to be subdued, owned, taken, kept. It was the complete opposite of her public persona, but she knew herself well

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enough to know that even though it would be fun playing around now, she would tire quickly of Arden, because he wasn’t aggressive enough to meet her sexual needs. She had a few ways to go with this. She could settle for less than what she wanted in a man and try the relationship thing with Arden. She could move on, whether she had a place to go and a way to get there or not. Or, the third and safest option was no relationship at all. They were and would continue to be just friends. She knew she had to pick the just friends option. That realization saddened Julia. She was developing genuine feelings for him. Shit, by flirting and feeding the sexual tension between them, she’d set him up. She’d set herself up. Both of them would be disappointed with her at the end. Maybe this was the exact reason why Arden hadn’t made any move on her. He was smart. He had probably already thought this through better than she had. Arden had a beautiful mind. He was articulate, emotionally mature, and sensitive. That in its own right was sexy. Sexy and rare. But she knew her needs. She was not going to pretend she didn’t have them. Why did this perverted side, this need to be sexually out of control, this want to be subordinate to her lover’s extreme needs, to be the ruled instead of the ruler, keep ruining everything? She’d never found him, that man who understood what boiled inside her. Unlike many of her friends, Julia refused to fool herself into thinking she was in love with the less-than-perfect man for her. She would never settle and suffer the inevitable, painful consequences of that delusion. But now, after all these years, she doubted whether the elusive fairy tale man that met all of her emotional and physical needs existed. Nevertheless, she’d never settled before. She wasn’t about to do it now. She embraced her deviance and, even now, still hoped that someday she would find a man who would do the same.


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Julia’s mind flip-flopped, weighing and debating the pros and cons of her situation as she strolled back to the farm. Totally immersed in her own thoughts, she almost missed the sounds of moving water. Just off the road to the right were a clearing and a brook. She walked over and found beautiful, clear water rushing over rounded stones that lined the creek bed. Oh, a short rinse to clean the sweat off would be perfect. Julia looked down the road in both directions. She felt safer this close to the farm, but she needed to be more cautious. In hindsight, her run today had been asinine. She quickly stripped off her jeans and T-shirt and stepped into the cool, clear water. It came almost to her knees. She sat down. The rapidly moving water rushed over her skin. Oh, heaven. She felt clean, refreshed and…troubled. Despite the discovery of what was as close to a bath as she was going to have for a long time, Julia’s heart sunk to new depths. Her new reality, the changed world, and the limited choices her life now presented weighed her down like a cement block of emotions wrapped with a chain around her neck. She soaked and lost herself in thought, trying as best she could to sort everything out. **** Arden finally spotted her as he cleared the grove of trees. She was naked and in the creek. He stopped and stayed in the shade of the grove and watched her. Her brow was furrowed, and her expression was blank, unmoving. She sat as if her body was there but her mind was in a different place completely. His blood pressure rose with anger. This was so dangerous. She was alone and not in the least aware of her surroundings. Hell, she was going to make him insane with the roller coaster of emotions she lead him through every day. Lust. Love. Fear. Frustration. Now anger. But, as he watched her, the look on her face told him it was not the

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time to confront her about her reckless behavior. He took one more step back into the grove and watched intently, making sure she was safe and wondering what she was thinking. Arden knew he was falling in love with Julia. She was smart and sexy, funny, too. She became more beautiful by the day. As she healed, she transformed into this sensual, brown-eyed, pouty-lipped perfection that owned more of his heart every moment he was with her. When she looked at him with her pensive, round eyes, he felt like the secrets of his soul were bared. His body literally felt her absence when she left the farm. He had no choice but to find her. Protect her. He instinctively knew she could easily be the woman he would build a life with. But there was something unsaid between them. She held him at arm’s length, yet sometimes flirted. She had no problem with him seeing her naked but never shared any more of her thoughts and feelings than a friend would. Other than a fleeting look or a mischievous glint in her eye, she had never given an indication that she might think of him as something more than a roommate or friend. He wanted to scoop her up and know her in every way a man can know a woman—mind, body, and soul. He longed to know the feel of her skin underneath his hands. He hungered to know her taste, snack on her mouth, and lap up the dew from between her legs. He wanted to be inside of her, to know what it felt like to have her hot, eager pussy sucking on his cock. He wanted to know her intimately, to stop wondering what she was thinking or whether she returned his feelings. But, Arden had absolutely no idea if she even remotely felt the same way. When Julia got out of the creek and redressed, Arden made his way back to the house and managed to couch his anger and frustration before he caught sight of her rounding the corner into the backyard. She had pasted a smile on her face and announced, “I found toilet paper!”


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He peered into the book bag, “In what universe is that toilet paper?” She ignored his question and walked in the back door to the kitchen. He followed. “Hey, listen, we have to talk about where you went today.” “Tomorrow.” She continued with a sad, almost smile. “Please? I just want to go to bed. I’m a little tired today.” She avoided making eye contact. “No dinner?” “No, I’m not really hungry.” He nodded and watched her walk up the stairs to her room. It only took a moment for Arden to realize he wasn’t letting her get away from him that easily. Her choices this afternoon had been sheer stupidity. She could have been killed going off the farm unarmed. And her naked swim? Fuck! No way was he going to let that go. He wasn’t going to stand by and let her get herself killed. She thought she was strong, that nothing could hurt her. She thought she didn’t need anybody, but her actions this afternoon and the look on her face when she strolled through the kitchen told him she needed him. His blood heated with anger, and his cock stiffened with hot lust. The long tease of watching her body heal topped with her naked swim had primed him for this detonation, this perfect storm that ignited within him. His normally calm disposition dissolved. He took the stairs two at a time and pushed her door open. The sun was low in the sky, and the room was all shadows. He knew Julia heard him come in. She ignored him. He lifted the quilt and slid next to her nude body.

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Chapter 4 Julia remained motionless, not reacting to Arden’s entry into the bed. His body felt so good next to hers. It felt so good to be held. The hard press of his body behind her, aroused her. He caressed lightly down her side, trailing his hand into the roller coaster dip of her waist, up to her hips, and then down the slow descent of her thighs. Her skin heated in response to his touch. No. No, I just decided I wasn’t going to do this. But Julia’s heart jerked at the thought of pushing him away. Her resolve to remain platonic with Arden diluted with every exploring stroke of his rough hand against her skin. “Don’t ever leave this farm again without telling me. It’s not safe.” Arden’s husky voice was laced with warning. His tone was a slow burn of angry heat that brushed past her ear. To her surprise, his obnoxious mandate worked like a salve to soothe her fears. His show of anger and authority relieved her. Julia released a lengthy sigh and felt some relief from her anxiety. “What’s going on?” he asked as his hand retraced its path up her body and rested in the valley of her waist. Julia was silent for a long time. “Everything just hit me today. I…” Julia wasn’t going to tell him about the body she’d found. She didn’t want to reinforce his presumption that he could mandate to her, even though, as it turned out, it was exactly what she needed. “I just don’t know what I’m doing anymore. I fucking celebrated when I found school supplies to use as toilet paper for God’s sake.


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“I’m living in your world, and I just realized that it’s my world now, too. There’s no other option. I’m completely on my own with no safety net, except for you.” “Is that so bad?” Julia didn’t answer at first. “I’m just not used to it.” He continued to trail his fingers up and down her body. “I’m going to help you feel better tonight, Julia.” Arden slowly lowered his lips to her neck and kissed her. He lingered for a heartbeat as if giving her the opportunity to refuse him. Then his mouth returned to the sweet spot where her neck met her shoulder. With deep, sucking pulls, he marked her as his strong hand ran over her breasts. He pulled her toward him and ground her into his hard body behind her. Julia’s mind raced, and her heart beat faster. Her pussy wept in response to his invasion of her senses. She wanted this right now, even though her thoughts this afternoon had taken her to a logical ending that wasn’t happily ever after for them. She would have to deal with that later, because all she wanted right now was for Arden to love her. She wanted him to love her enough that maybe the hollowness in the pit of her stomach would be filled by him. Her nipples hardened underneath his palm as he attended to one breast, then the other. Gently, he rolled her onto her back and looked into her eyes. “You’re so beautiful, so tempting. It’s been hard for me to resist you.” Arden’s jagged drawl shredded the remainder of Julia’s armor, the self protection she had spent so much time forging. He leaned over and brushed a soft kiss to her lips. The way he looked and the need reflected in his eyes made her realize that he had been holding himself back. His eyes traveled down to her breasts. Both nipples were hard and begged for more of his attention. He dipped his head and lightly bit one, then the other. Julia wasn’t expecting the bite, and her surprised suck of air told him so. He smiled at her. “You liked that?” “Yes,” she whispered.

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He dipped his head again and took possession of one of her hardened peaks in his mouth. He sucked it, raked it with his teeth, and flicked it with his tongue Julia arched up to meet him, a gasp hitched in her throat. Arden turned his attention to Julia’s other breast, while his hand passed over her abdomen, brushing her lightly and stopping his hand to rest on the area between her navel and her core. He neglected the place that Julia wanted him to touch the most. The place where she was wet for him. Aching for him. **** Arden ran his hand down her inner thigh and then parted her legs wide. He moved so that he was kneeling in between them. He savored her body with his eyes in the faded light of her room. She was exquisite. Her face and body no longer showed the evidence of her near-death adventure. From her head to her perky, pink nipples down to where his palm rested on the mound of flesh between her legs, everything about her was flawless. Their eyes met as he leaned over her and kissed her. His tongue opened her mouth to him, and an unexpected groan rose out of his own throat in response to her tentative lips yielding beneath his. His restless mouth couldn’t stay at her lips. He needed to taste the rest of her. He moved on to her neck and slowly breathed soft, barelythere kisses over her breasts. He trailed his tongue from one nipple to another and then down the center of her, leaving a trail of moist heat on her pale flesh. He stopped at her tattoo, circling it with his tongue. He lowered his head between her legs, kissed her clit softly, and then ran his tongue downward toward her opening. He moaned at the taste of her pure and drugging slickness. Arden felt Julia’s hesitation dissolve. She surrendered herself to him. Her legs fell open to him. Her breath caught at the swipe of his tongue and the rake of his teeth against her.


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Julia moaned. It was a deep, guttural sound he wouldn’t have expected from the tiny body his mouth controlled. He thrust his tongue inside her, then explored, withdrew, and explored again and again. She tasted like manna. A blessing from heaven. An unearned gift. Her body seemed to plead for more than his tongue. She was wet, so ready for his cock to glide into her. Without a word between them, he knew how badly she wanted his cock inside her, wanted him to fill every part of her. He raised his lips to her red, swollen nub and took it between his teeth. He nibbled her clit with his lips and teeth then grazed it again and again with fiery swipes of his tongue. Arden was having trouble maintaining control. He wrapped his arms around Julia’s thighs, holding them open for him. His grip tightened as his control continued to slip. He growled as his tongue and teeth assaulted her. Tasted her. Teased her. Her bare flesh against his lips nearly sent him careening unchecked over the edge of reason. His cock screamed for her. Her taste was sweet and creamy. Luscious. Oh, God, help me. Julia cried out in pleasure as he continued his rough probing, sucking treatment of her. He tormented her, knowing he was bringing her close then backing away and starting over. Finally, he let his mouth linger on her clit as he pushed a finger and then two inside of her. Her silky, wet entrance took him and was so tight he wasn’t sure he would fit inside her when the time came. But not tonight. Tonight was just for her. He thrust his fingers in perfect rhythm with his mouth‘s possession of her. With a cry, Julia grabbed his hair, gripping it forcefully. Arden returned the force with his tongue and fingers in response. She shifted her whole body toward him, as if trying to coax as much pleasure as she could from each brush of his tongue and penetration of his fingers.

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Her writhing against his lips and fingers stretched the limits of his control to almost breaking. His erection was painful in his jeans, straining to get out. His need to take her grew exponentially. “Yes, Arden, yes.” Her body tensed. Arden gazed up Julia’s body as she closed in on her ultimate pleasure, her face flushed red, arms now flung over her head, framing her face, eyes closed, lips parted. His name was on her lips with another cry of approval wrenching from her lungs. Then it was as if time stopped for her. Her back arched, eyes closed, her pleasure hit her with surges and tremors that took control of her body. Julia wailed his name as he continued to summon another shuddering wave of her orgasm with his mouth. She rode the torrent of sensations he continued to coax from her, continuing even when he thought there could be no more. Arden watched Julia panting, trying to catch her breath as she shuddered one last time. She lay there motionless with her eyes closed. Limp. “I knew I could help you feel better,” Arden murmured against her wet, satiated sex. Julia moaned again and took a breath in an obvious attempt to still her racing heart. She cracked her eyelids open. “When did it get so dark in here?” she drawled. Arden chuckled. “You should get some sleep now.” Julia’s eyes were closed when Arden forced himself from the bed and left, closing the door gently behind him. His senses were reeling. There was a side of her he hadn’t seen before. Uninhibited. Wild. Sexual. It was just a taste of what else remained unseen, and he was dying to explore more. He wanted to go back and take her ten different ways. Tell her that he loved her, caress her skin and run his fingers through her hair. All night. Every night. But he forced himself to walk away—this time.


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Chapter 5 From the slant of the sun shining in her bedroom window, Julia could tell it was later in the morning than when she normally got out of bed. As she lay there, her mind immediately wandered to the night before. Arden. She smiled as the mental review of the night’s activities replayed in her head. But he’d left without shedding one article of clothing. That was a first. In her experience, a good oral orgasm had always been a prelude to a guy fucking her without having to worry if she got off or not. Julia heard the playful bark of a dog coming from outside. She looked out her window and didn’t see Arden or a dog. She threw on her jeans and T-shirt and padded down the stairs. Julia looked through the front window and was surprised to see a horse-drawn buggy at the end of the drive. An Amish man sat in the seat, controlling the horse’s reins, and a dog cavorted around the buggy as though purposely trying to irritate the harnessed horse. The Amish man, dressed in denim with a hat covering his head, was looking down and talking seriously with two other men. One of the men was Arden. The other, a tall, dark-haired man, was someone Arden was obviously well acquainted with. They stood close together, shoulder to shoulder. As the men finished their conversation, Mr. Tall-and-Dark picked up a small duffle at his feet and walked with Arden toward the house.

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Their height was about the same, but the similarity ended there. The man next to Arden was all sizzle, powerful, intense. He had brown, almost black, wavy hair that fell forward onto his forehead like two parenthesis and dark eyes that were piercing, even from across the expanse of the yard. The country boy aura that infused Arden like sunshine on a spring day did not spread to this stranger. As the buggy turned around in the road, Arden grabbed Mr. Tall and Dark’s shoulder as if to ask him to wait, and he jogged the few steps back toward the buggy to talk again. She saw Arden point toward the house as they spoke. The Amish man nodded, reached for something, then stooped over for a moment in his seat looking like he was writing something down. With a nod and a wave, Arden joined his friend, and they walked together toward the house. She could hear muffled conversation as they walked up the house’s side to get to the back door. She stepped into the kitchen as the men entered. Arden flashed a smile at her and then turned to look at the man who was following him in the door. “Julia Costa, Ben Manning,” Arden said with a hand wave between the two. Their eyes met, and the smoldering up-and-down look Ben gave her inspired a rush of warmth between Julia’s legs. My God, he was gorgeous. His intense, steely features gave him an air of power and danger. He was broad across the chest with his black T-shirt just tight enough to leave no doubt there was a nice piece of real estate underneath it. The cut definition of his arms prowled menacingly under his skin when he moved. He didn’t smile. Arden had talked about Ben before. Julia mentally put the pieces together. Ben was the son of the older couple that was killed next door during the raids. The grave look on his face was fitting for the news he’d, no doubt, just received. Julia felt a surge of compassion for him. “Julia.” He nodded his head toward her and dropped his duffle on the floor.


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“We’re going to head over to the Manning farm next door,” Arden said. His tone was serious. “We’ll probably be gone a while.” **** Arden and Ben turned and retreated out the door. As they walked side by side, Arden clapped a hand around Ben’s shoulder and gave a squeeze. “You know it goes without saying that I expect you to stay with me. We’ll get your house rebuilt eventually, but until then, my house is your house.” “Thanks, man.” The men approached the burnt-out remains of the Manning farm. Ben’s jaw clenched, and his eyes betrayed the rage and despair he felt. He moved around, scanning the area, trying to make sense of what happened there. “Never found my dad?” Ben’s voice cracked, overflowing with emotion and barely audible. “No. I tried, but I couldn’t find him under all the rubble.” Arden raked his hand through his hair. “I buried your mom over there.” He nodded away from the black skeleton of the house. The two men walked over to the grave site marked with a makeshift cross. “I’m sorry, man. I should have watched out for them more.” “It’s not your fault. I should have been here. I was taking my time coming back to help Dad with the harvest. Shit, I don’t even know why.” Ben broke down, openly shedding tears in the grass next to the grave. “It was good that they died together. Neither one would have made it long without the other,” he choked out. It was true. Bill and Sue Manning were a special breed of lovers and friends. After almost thirty-five years of marriage, they never failed to show their devotion to each other. The lifelong lovers frequently met each other’s knowing eyes as if having a conversation without words and touched each other when they thought no one else

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was looking. It wouldn’t be uncommon to see Mrs. Manning tear through the back yard squealing and laughing with her husband chasing her not far behind. It was amazing to watch them. They were true role models when it came to doing it long term. Both Ben and Arden hoped for what Ben’s parents had found and were able to keep all those years. Even though it had been a long time since they’d seen each other, it seemed as if no time had passed at all. There would always be an indelible connection between them. Growing up, they had spent so much time together they could communicate with each other accurately with just a look or gesture. They were best friends and brothers, by choice if not by blood. Now, the two sat together in the grass through the morning and early afternoon, grieving, making plans, and renewing their bond of friendship. Before they left, Ben wanted to take stock of his root cellar. He descended into the cold hole in the ground and found it stocked to the rafters. He grabbed a hunting rifle, his pistol, and ammo to take with him. Ben picked up his mom’s wedding ring after Arden pointed it out to him. “I thought you’d want something of your mom to hold on to, since everything else is gone." Ben’s throat constricted. He looked at it in the dim light of the cellar then stuffed it in his pocket. “All right, I’m done here. Let’s go.” Silence settled between them as they began their walk back toward Arden’s farm together. Arden was trying to leave the sadness and guilt behind him, and he supposed that Ben was trying to do the same. “I know her,” Ben said after Arden’s farmhouse came back into view.


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“I thought you might,” Arden answered, fully knowing that Ben was talking about Julia.

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Chapter 6 Ben glanced over at his best friend. “Does she know about me?” “No, and it didn’t look like she recognized you.” “Shit, no. Prison is a little like high school. The authority figures only really get to know the troublemakers. But, oh man, I recognized her right away. Eye-fucking her was like the national pastime out there, a regularly scheduled program of eye candy and a hard-on.” Arden burst out laughing. “I’ve been getting reruns of that program myself.” “You hit it yet?” Ben asked with a wry smile. “No, man. She was almost dead when I found her on the trail. She’s just recently healed up to the point that it doesn’t look like she’s going to break.” “Break?” Ben paused with a snort. “Man, we must not be talking about the same woman.” Arden turned his head and looked at Ben curiously. “That small and sweet-looking exterior of hers covers a heart of stone and a no-bullshit attitude.” Ben glanced over at Arden shaking his head. “She’s smart too. Has a mind like a steel trap, always sharp, always ready to spring. She didn’t miss anything. No one tried to manipulate, scam, or disrespect Miss Costa. She had a reputation for being brutal with those who tried. “She could stand toe-to-toe with anybody. She was fearless. Shit, with just a glare, she made gangbangers, who would just as soon shoot you as look at you, slink away looking at their toes. And she has the vocabulary of a hard-core thug.” Ben laughed. “She was so quick


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on the comeback. Verbal castration is the only way to describe it.” He smiled to himself. “She dominated her unit, COs and inmates alike. It was sexy as hell,” Ben said, still smiling. “I would love to feel my dick having its way with her.” “Me too. My tongue’s been up close and personal, but like I said, I didn’t want to break her.” The men’s eyes met. Silently, the wheels turned, working out possible future scenarios. “We called her kitten, behind her back, of course. Don’t know how it started, but my guess it was because of the regular discussions of what petting her little pussy would be like.” Arden glanced over at Ben with a wicked, knowing smile spread over his face. “It feels tight and bare.” Ben just groaned at Arden in response. “Man, you’re killing me.” **** Julia was in full Martha Stewart mode when they returned. She had made tortilla chips from her ground corn and rendered animal fat, fresh salsa, and had arranged a plate of jerky, vegetables and apples for the three of them. Ben ate everything offered as he described the riots, looting and death near the populated areas he passed following the electromagnetic pulse. “It was like a perverted Darwinian experiment, survival of the meanest and most armed,” he said between bites. “The stench of rotting bodies began filling the air about a week after the EMP, and there was no relief from that smell until shortly before I arrived in Holmes County. “There was military here and there, but they were mostly doing clean up, digging mass graves. They didn’t have any water or food to give out. “Money is worthless. Food and ammunition are the new currency.”

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Ben reached out to snag the last piece of apple then continued. “Screams and yelling woke me up a lot during the day. Gunshots rang out on a regular basis, and seeing fires at night was common.” Julia looked at Ben’s face. It was tanned and handsome. Ben had survived his journey the exact same way Julia had, with the notable difference that when he arrived that morning he didn’t have a mark on him. And to top it off, he had made the entire journey on foot, with the exception of the last seven miles when he caught a ride from the Yoder’s buggy. “Sounds like we took the same trip. What are the odds of us both making it here alive?” Ben smiled at her. “Pretty high, because we are two bad motherfuckers.” A glint of amusement sparked in his coal-black eyes. She laughed. “If you only knew, Ben.” She shook her head. “If you only knew.” “Oh, kitten, I’ve known you’re a bad motherfucker for quite a while,” he shot back in a husky deep voice. Julia’s eyes widened, and she froze, looking at him. “Holy crap, Ben, she’s speechless.” Arden laughed. Julia looked back and forth between them. “You were at the prison?” “Yep.” “For what?” She leveled a stare at him that she hoped could somehow assess him for his level of fuckedupness. “Reckless operation, DUI,” he said more somberly. “I went to a bachelor party and thought I could make it home. I didn’t. I caused an accident. People were hurt.” He looked her directly in the eye, waiting for her reaction. She didn’t offer any. Julia turned toward Arden. “You knew this?” “Yes,” he said cautiously. “Why didn’t you tell me before now?” “Didn’t want you to make a rash judgment about my best friend, Ben, here.”


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Julia rarely found herself at a loss for words with an inability to act. She usually was good at thinking on her feet, but she had been blindsided. In the five years she’d worked at the prison, she’d only seen one of her former inmates after he’d been released. Her training taught her to walk away, get to somewhere safe. Not really applicable now, though. She looked at Ben again, and he squarely returned her gaze with full-on, obvious lust. Lust? It had nothing to do with what they were talking about, yet still he looked at her like a predator looks at its prey. She glanced back at Arden. He saw the way Ben looked at her, but it didn’t seem to bother him in the least. She just shook her head. Arden was right, she was speechless. Her something’s-not-fuckingright-here senses were tingling, too. **** In the week that followed, Julia recognized the easy friendship between Arden and Ben. So much so that she sometimes felt a little like a third wheel. She was used to the relationship she had developed with Arden and felt unbalanced with the new addition. Plus, Arden had not shown any interest in Julia since the night before Ben arrived. It hurt her feelings, but she would never let it show. She loved the intimate moments they had shared that night, and an inner flame still kindled for him. She felt flustered like a hormonal teenager every time he was around. Her self-confidence was a little shaken by his recent lack of interest. Julia’s wary avoidance of being alone with Ben slowly disappeared. She still had not had a conversation with him about the prison. For some reason, it didn’t feel right. Not helping the awkwardness she felt around Ben was the barely veiled look of lust in his eyes whenever she caught him looking at her. Which was often. Even worse, her hot, creamy reaction to that

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scorching gaze made her wish he’d act on the promises it conveyed. She guessed that he may possess the sexual aggression that Arden was lacking. She fantasized about being on her knees in front of Ben, his hand snarled in her hair, his cock fucking her mouth. She tried, unsuccessfully, to push those images from her head. The air held electric charges for Julia when either man was around. It was palpable to her, especially the physical reaction her body had toward Ben. But Arden either didn’t notice or didn’t care about Ben’s interest, which was irritating. Julia was conflicted. She knew she would have to ignore the chemistry in the air she felt between her and both men no matter how much her body was telling her differently. The two were as close as brothers, and she resolved not to get into the middle of a testosterone-fueled pissing contest between the two. Julia spent a lot more of her time alone since Ben had arrived, even though they were never very far. Today, she had some time to spare after her chores were done and before the men returned. Since it was a beautiful fall day, Julia decided to visit the creek. She usually went there when she was in need of some peace, privacy, or time to think. A soft breeze rustled the trees, and Julia listened as if the colorful leaves whispered their secrets in her ears as she walked the path to her spot at Salt Creek. As she approached, she saw Ben sitting on a rock at the edge, his feet dangling in the water. He must have heard her footfalls coming because he palmed the gun sitting next to him in the grass and looked over his shoulder to see who it was. He didn’t give her his usual mischievous smile when he saw her. Julia could tell when he was hurting about the loss of his parents, because pensive silence replaced his usual gregarious personality. “Where’s Arden?” she asked. “Setting rabbit snares.” Ben turned to quickly scan her. “You shouldn’t be out here by yourself. Did you even bother to bring a gun


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with you?” The tone of his voice told her he was asking a question he already knew the answer to. Truth was, she would have brought a gun if she’d thought about it, but she never thought about it. She felt safe there. Ben turned away from her and shook his head. “Can I join you?” she asked, as she walked over to him. “Sure,” he replied, not meeting her gaze. Julia plopped down right beside him and put her arm around his waist. “Want to talk about it?” she asked softly. “There’s nothing you could say that would make any difference. I just need to…I don’t know.” He shrugged. Julia focused on the nature around her. She loved this spot. The tinkling sounds of the creek’s running water filled her ears. The sunlight caught splashes of water that sparkled like diamonds for a moment before disappearing and sparkling again somewhere else. “You’re right.” She paused. “I can’t make it better. But I do want you to know I’m here, and I care.” Julia rubbed his back with the hand that had rested at his waist. “I’m sorry you’re hurting.” He looked down at her. His eyes were somber and dull. The pain he felt was easily discernible. Ben reached up and rubbed the pad of his thumb across her cheek. “Thanks, Julia. That means a lot to me.” He dipped his head slowly and kissed her check. It was a sweet, gentle brush of his lips and was over way too soon. He turned back and hung his head for a moment, looking down into his lap then stared out over the running water again. “What about you?” he asked softly. “Are you okay?” “Yeah, I keep telling myself I am. The less I think, the better I feel.” “You can’t do that forever,” he said, turning his head to look down at her again. “It works for me now. I’ll deal with what I need to as it comes. It’s the old ‘ignorance is bliss’ cliché in action.”

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Ben nodded as if he understood and focused on the running water again. Julia rested her head on his arm as they sat side by side, wordless. It seemed like neither one of them felt the need to fill the silence. It was the first time Julia had spent any real amount of time with Ben, and she felt as if they forged the beginnings of a relationship with each other in that silence, an unspoken bond of understanding and support. **** Ben stood in the kitchen and found himself watching her from the screen door and thinking about that afternoon, the time they had spent together, silent in their thoughts. She was so beautiful, her big brown eyes looking up at him with concern. It was then that he realized that Julia was much more than the hard core, sexy kitten he’d fantasized about in prison. She was also compassionate and gentle. She was beautiful on the inside. It intrigued him. He heard Julia chuckle to herself as she reached over to pick up another ear of corn to shuck. Her chuckle was a soft, throaty sound that eased his ears from the squeaky grate of the porch swing rocking back and forth. She’d been working on a pile of ears that needed to be dried before the colder weather set in. “What are you so happy about?” Ben asked as he walked out the back door onto the porch. She looked up at him. “Oh, nothing you’d be interested in.” “Want some help?” He didn’t wait for her answer before he grabbed an ear of corn and sat next to her. They sat together for a while, rocking and shucking, comfortable in the quiet. “Do you think they let everyone out when the food ran out?”


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He knew Julia understood that he was referring to the prison, because she answered without hesitation. “No, I doubt that they did.” “You don’t want to talk to me about this, do you?” “Not really.” “Why not? There’s no harm in talking about our shared experience even if it was from opposite sides of the power pendulum.” “In normal circumstances, I’d have walked a large circle around a former inmate that I’d seen outside the gates. It’s been hard for me not to be wary. Not because of who you are as a person.” She shrugged. “It’s a knee-jerk reaction. I’d rather pretend you were never there. “Plus, that part of me, the Miss Costa part, I don’t need to be that extreme version of her here. I like that. I don’t really want to go back and revisit the people we were then. “I know this sounds ridiculous, but I feel safer here with you two than I’ve ever felt in my adult life. I feel like I can relax. I don’t have to constantly look over my shoulder to see if somebody is about to strike.” Ben ground his teeth at the thought of how she had felt then. She’d never shown it. She always looked strong and sure of herself. “Shit, I don’t think you would have had to worry when you were inside the gates. If anybody tried to hurt you they’d get a serious lockin-a-sock beating.” Julia glanced from her ear of corn to Ben. “Why?” “You were our daily piece of candy. A lot of those men wouldn’t have liked having that jeopardized. Except for maybe the ones of the heteroflexible persuasion.” Julia laughed. “Are you a person of the heteroflexible persuasion?” “No, kitten, I’m all about the candy.” Ben looked her up and down. His mouth watered with his next thought. “Let me have a taste?”

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Arden’s call for Julia came from inside the house. Ben didn’t break eye contact with her, still hoping that the moment hadn’t been interrupted, but it was too late. Julia snickered. “Foiled again,” she said with a glint of playfulness in her eyes. Both he and Arden spent an awful lot of time rubbing their eyeballs all over Julia. Now, after a month, he’d noticed that they both were struggling with leaving the other man alone with her. So now, there was one guy watching her, and the other guy was watching the first guy. It had been a month-long cockblockathon. Ben shook his head. “We’ll finish this conversation later?”


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Chapter 7 “Julia!” Julia was so engrossed in the slightly steamy turn in her conversation with Ben that she jumped when Arden yelled her name. He pulled a chair onto the porch from the kitchen. Julia stood. “What?” “I need a haircut,” he said as he slapped a pair of scissors in her hand. Julia looked at him. “You’ve lost your mind,” she snorted. “You’d be better off setting your hair on fire and letting me put it out with a bucket of water. It would come out more even.” Arden laughed. “Well, I’ll skip the Michael Jackson impersonation for now and go with the scissors. If that doesn’t work, then we’ll talk.” Arden plopped into the chair and looked at her expectantly. “Okay,” she said with a “you asked for it” tone of voice. Julia walked around the chair, running her fingers through his honeycolored hair. “I’ll take about an inch off all the way around.” She fingered segments and snipped the ends as she slowly worked her way around his head. Arden enjoyed the intimate feeling of Julia running her fingers through his hair. The gentle sifting of it sent a light tickle down the back of his neck. As she worked, the close proximity of her quickened his heart. He opened his legs so she could stand between them while snipping the front. Her breasts were only inches away from his mouth. Her scent invaded his nose and started a cascading reaction through

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his body. His breathing grew heavier. His cock thickened in his pants. It took every ounce of self-control he possessed to not run his hands underneath her shirt and attend to her breasts. Then, as if Julia could read his mind, her nipples hardened. Arden thought frequently of the time he had spent getting Julia off with his mouth. He replayed it in his mind often, especially when he was in bed alone at night. He hadn’t made any further advances toward her since then. And they had never spoken about it. Household dynamics had changed with Ben’s appearance the next day. Arden’s attraction to Julia was just as strong as it had been that night, but he also sensed her attraction to Ben. So, he started taking a “wait and see” approach to find out the lay of the land. But his need to touch her was at the point where he was barely able to contain it. He was near his boiling point and had a pretty good idea that Ben was, too. He needed to talk to Ben and see if they needed to work anything out between them before either made a play for Julia. The tiny raised pebbles that rose up and brushed against her Tshirt indicated to Arden that she was still interested in some capacity. **** Julia didn’t realize when she started this chore that she would become so disconcerted by Arden’s nearness. She felt his hot breath on her as she clipped her way around his head. She sensed a predatory vibe emanating from him. It was so palpable she felt like his hands were already on her, arousing her. She felt a thrilling twirl in her chest. She tried to settle herself and talk herself down from these ridiculous feelings that took over every time she was near these men. This is just stupid. There’s no vibe. He’s just sitting for a haircut, dumb ass! Her mind was reasoning, but her body thought it had the whole situation figured out. She felt her face flush and warm wetness for him at her core.


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“Finished,” she said as she stood back and assessed her work. An attempted veneer of nonchalance covered her body’s reaction. “I think that’s actually not too bad,” she said, never meeting his gaze. Now she felt uncomfortable, as if he knew what her body wanted. Taking a deep breath, Julia made an excuse about having some work to do and practically ran away from there. **** Since Ben had arrived over a month ago, Julia kept her resolution to not get between the two men’s friendship. Sure, she felt sexual tension when she was near either man, but she usually quickly escaped the situation until she could calm herself. It worked reasonably well, for them, but she was a hot mess. Julia was constantly turned on. It was excruciating. Both of them casually touched her on a daily basis, seemingly innocent incidental brushes of miscellaneous body parts that drove her to the brink. They both had stood close enough to her that she could feel their hot breath floating across her bare skin. Did they know what they were doing to her? Were they doing it on purpose? Trying to force her hand? Trying to entice her to the end of her control? Ben perpetually looked at her like she was his next meal, but held back any words that matched his lusty leers. It was the only time he seemed to filter what was in his brain before his thoughts tumbled out of his mouth. It was ironic really, because she had a suspicion that the thoughts that were running around in his head would be more interesting to her than anything he’d ever said to her. And if he knew the thoughts that were running around her head, would he oblige? Oh yeah. She knew he would. He seemed the kind of man that would like a bit of control and a lot of raw sex with a woman. The charge between her and Arden was different but no less distracting. She loved that he was thoughtful, romantic and did small

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things for her that were something, but really nothing, like putting his hand at the small of her back and guiding her through a doorway before him, or catching a stray strand of her hair and replacing it back behind her ear. He had a core that was gentle and tender. He was not the type of man she would normally be attracted to. It shocked Julia to realize that nobody had treated her that way in a long time. She felt cherished, special. She wanted to make him feel that way in return. She wanted him to experience what it feels like to be certain he’s important to her without ever having to say it. That is what Arden gave her daily, and it’d been the most unexpectedly meaningful experience she’d ever had. She suspected that Arden’s selective attention when it came to Ben’s leers in her direction was his way of keeping the peace. He kept everybody balanced and did a good job of it. Usually. Yeah, everyone appeared genuinely comfortable with each other as long as she maintained her neutrality. But just how long could she resist? She tried to find safe ground. She looked for anything that could fortify her resolve to stay neutral. She tried to find anything negative about the men that would quell her desire and comfort her during her quest to do the right thing. At some point, Arden must have interpreted her avoidance of them as being due to her feeling a little like the odd man out. His antidote? He was now making it a habit of giving her a peck on the cheek before he left to do whatever chores were on schedule for that day. And, not wanting to be left behind, this morning Ben had circled around the other side of her and pecked the opposite cheek before they headed out the door together. Great, now they’re both kissing me every day. As she straightened the kitchen after the men left, Julia’s thoughts and feelings were turbulent. Her usual inner dialogue recommending caution tried to lock down the provocative impulses running around in her head. She heard him then smelled him just an instant before she turned to see who had just walked through the kitchen door.


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“Did you forget someth—” It wasn’t Arden or Ben standing there. Her glance met with the dark, menacing eyes of a stranger and the barrel of his gun pointed at her. The man was painfully skinny compared to the healthy men she lived with, but he was still big enough that Julia instantly knew she wouldn’t be able to hold her own with him for very long. Julia stilled. Her mind raced to the hand-to-hand combat and psychological negotiations training she’d had at the prison. Once a year, mandatory. She had considered the training futile, thinking it would have been hard for any average size woman to take down an attacker with the moves they taught, let alone someone her size. Plus, with her man down button and her sergeant having a CO ghost her wherever she went, she’d never had to touch an inmate once in the five years she worked there. All in all, the training had been a pain in her ass, and a great source of amusement for her brother when she tried to take him down with some of the moves she’d learned over the years. But now she’d have to use them in earnest. “You don’t need to point that gun at me, darlin’. We’re all friends here,” Julia said with a flirtatious smile. The hard look on the man’s filthy, bearded face faltered with a moment of confusion then hardened again. “Do you want some food?” She pushed a plate of deer jerky that sat on the counter toward him. He looked down at it for a split second then returned his eyes quickly back to her. “Is there anybody else here other than the two men who just left?” he asked. His stinking breath easily closed the gap between the two of them. He looked her body up and down and stepped closer to her. His stench was rancid. His face, hair, and bushy beard were greasy. Repulsive. “No, just them.” She took a small step forward and smiled comfortably when all she really wanted to do was run away. She met his gaze head on, careful not to show fear. “I want food and some of that water, too,” he said, pointing his gun briefly at the pitcher on the counter.

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She poured him a glass and stepped even closer to give it to him. She was panicked inside, unsure of whether the offensive moves she knew would even work. She knew the strategy. Be friendly to give your enemy a sense of security. Get close enough to strike when the opening presents itself. Strike first. Strike with everything you’ve got. He drank the water, never moving his eyes from her. When he set the glass down, he lowered his gun, but only for a second. Not long enough. Her heart raced inside her chest as he took another step closer to her, grabbing her by the hair on the back of her head. “You are a fine piece of ass,” he said with a vicious grin. “What’s your name, sweetie?” “Julia,” she said as calmly as she could, but her insides lurched. His smell sickened her and made her gag. The fact that he was touching her collided wildly with her primal urges of selfpreservation. Abruptly, her determination mixed with courage to form a familiar demeanor. For the first time since she’d walked out of the prison the day of the pulse, Julia felt like the hard, cold bitch she was accustomed to being. Her compulsion to completely and mercilessly dominate her environment returned. The aggressive adrenaline rush that comes with authority and power washed over her. She wasn’t scared or panicked anymore. She was pissed. Her heartbeat slowed slightly as she took a deep breath and let the certainty that she would be this man’s downfall settle in. “Well, Julia,” he sneered, “you get me some food, then maybe we’ll have some fun.” He let go of her hair and pushed her backward toward the counter. That fucker is going to be sorry he had the misfortune of crossing my path. Julia started filling a plate with jerky and grabbed a knife on the counter top. “Drop it,” he ordered before she even really had a good grip on it.


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“Okay, jeez,” Julia said in the ditziest tone she could manage. “I was only going to cut the apple.” Julia turned back toward the piece of shit standing in her kitchen and smiled. She took a couple of steps toward him. “Here, take some.” She held out the plate toward him. His eyes flickered to the food. He was distracted. His gun wasn’t even pointed at her anymore. It was lowered a little like he’d forgotten he had it in his hand. She took another step toward him and set the food on the table. During his next split-second moment of distraction, when his eyes traveled away from her to the plate again, Julia struck. She clasped her left hand over her right, and with her full strength and body weight behind it, she hammered the heel of her hand to the end of his nose with a forceful upward and inward blow. She felt the bone give way under her hand and heard his gun go off at the initial impact. The force of the collision to his face combined with his instant ragdoll imitation had her falling forward on top of him. She landed on his body with a thunk. His release of urine, his blood, and weeks of dirt assaulted her as she covered him. **** At the sound of the shot, Arden and Ben turned and ran full speed back toward the farmhouse. Arden watched Ben pull his gun and followed him through the kitchen door. They found Julia lying on the floor in a pool of blood and urine. Next to her was the corpse of a man. His open, shocked eyes stared out into space, empty and lifeless. “Julia, are you hurt?” Arden yelled as he knelt at her side. She shook her head. “No.” Her eyes were wide and intense. Rage darkened Ben’s face. His eyes were fierce. “I’ll go check for others,” he growled as he disappeared out of the kitchen. Arden assessed the situation more closely, and it was quickly apparent that Julia had killed the fetid intruder and fell with him when

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he went down. The kitchen reeked of his stench. She lay with his filth smeared all over her like a disgusting treasure. “It’s okay, baby, let’s get you out of here." Arden lifted her from the floor and carried her out the back door. “You don’t have to carry me. I can walk,” she said to Arden. He ignored her until they reached the water pump and then set her on her feet. Ben returned, coming from around the side of the house, gun still in hand. He locked eyes with Julia. “Are you hurt?” She shook her head. Shocked. Mute. “It looks like he was alone. I’m going to make a more thorough check then I’ll get rid of him.” Ben walked into the house again. Julia stood unmoving, looking after Ben. Arden stepped closer to her and spoke calmly. “Let’s get you cleaned up.” Julia nodded, looking down at the wet urine and blood stains on her T-shirt and jeans. Arden pulled her T-shirt up over her head. Julia’s hands trembled as she started unzipping her pants. She turned when she heard the screen door squeak open and watched as Ben pulled the man’s body by the bottom of his pant legs down the porch stairs. His head thunked as it hit the tread of each step on the way down, and his body slithered in the grass as Ben pulled him around the side of the house. Arden held Julia steady as she shed her jeans and pulled her the few steps she needed to go toward the hand pump. He began the flow of water for her, and as if the presence of the water had triggered a flow within her, Julia started sobbing. As she knelt under the freezing stream of water her reaction retched from her. Arden knew the adrenaline surge was wearing off, and he could tell the crying just pissed her off, but she didn’t stop. She had to release it, to get the maelstrom of emotions out of her. When Julia finished washing the man’s fluids from her, she was shivering and shaky. Arden stepped forward and held her. Her body


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felt cold against him when he circled his arms around her. She clung to him, her cheek on his chest, and held him tight. Julia sobbed, her panting so ragged she was almost hyperventilating. “Shh, it’s okay now. It’s over,” he comforted her. He held her, stroked her hair, and whispered sweet things in her ear. After long minutes, her breathing became more regular, and her tears dried to only a damp film that stuck her hair and cheek to his chest. Arden’s cock hardened against Julia, pressing into her stomach. She must have felt it, but she didn’t let go of him. She curled herself into him as if seeking the safety and protection of his body. He stroked her back, comforting her. He lifted her chin toward him with a finger and kissed her. It wasn’t soft and gentle like the night in her bedroom. This was a desperate, possessive kiss that betrayed the intense horror he felt about what could have happened. His tongue pillaged her mouth and took what it wanted. Arden deepened the kiss, forcing her head back, and clamping his hand around the back of her neck. He needed to make sure she wouldn’t pull away from him. Julia moaned into his mouth and wrapped her arms around his neck. Never breaking the kiss, he wrapped an arm around her waist and lifted her off the ground even closer to him. She weighed nothing. She was buoyant in his arms. Julia instinctively wrapped her legs around him as he adjusted his hands, placing them under her rear, and holding her close. “I don’t know what I would have done if anything had happened to you,” he said as he fisted his hand in her hair. He swallowed the lump that tightened in his throat and repressed the expression of love that sat on the tip of his tongue. “You’re under my skin, Julia. All I want to do is be inside of you. I want to taste you. I want to hear you scream for me.” “What’s stopping you?” Julia whispered. She tightened the grip of her legs and ground herself against the rough seam of his jeans.

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Arden quickly strode the few steps to cover the distance to the wraparound porch and rested her, bare-assed, on the railing. Julia already seemed impatient to have him inside of her. She unbuttoned his jeans with one hand and unzipped with the other. With a determined tug she peeled them from his hips, releasing his swollen length. She grasped it hard and ran her hand up from base to tip. Arden growled when Julia’s hands encircled his cock. He reached down between them and parted her pussy lips with his fingers, spreading her slick wetness with hard rakes of his fingers. “You’re wet for me,” he groaned. “I need to be inside of you.” She grasped his erection hard, directing it toward her, nudging his crest at her opening. She pleaded with her eyes while closing her legs tighter around his hips. Without hesitation, he entered her in one hard stroke. A cry left her lips. Her head tilted back, looking to the sky. Her hands clenched the railing on either side of her. He stayed deep inside her without moving and felt her muscles grip him as she squirmed and rolled herself on his cock, moaning. “That’s good, Julia, it’s all for you. Take all you want. It’s just for you.” He leaned down and captured a pink nipple in his mouth. He pulled hard then bit with his teeth. She sucked in sharply. “Yes,” she breathed. Arden slowly withdrew his cock from her almost completely, looking down at where they were joined. She responded with whimpered cries of protest before he buried himself into her again. He reached between them and began massaging her clit firmly, rhythmically, as he retreated and drove his full length back into her over and over again. Their bodies met each other forcefully, and the hard stroke of his hand on her was only interrupted by an occasional pinch of her red, swollen bud.


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“Oh, fuck!” she screamed, digging her nails into the railing with one hand and trying to pull him toward her, raking his ass, with the other. She tightened the grip of her legs, forcing him inside her deeper. She ground herself against him with each penetration, prolonging the beautiful sensations of each brush of him over her clit. Julia’s wild cries and the slap of their bodies colliding against one another assailed his ears. The clamp of her internal muscles tightened, tightened around his cock more with every advance he made into her. He wanted this to last longer. He wanted it to last forever, but he couldn’t hold on. The hold her firmly clamped muscles had on him was driving him to the edge of his restraint. “I’m going to come,” he barked. The unbearable clamping and quivering of her muscles surrounded his cock. “Come with me, Julia. Do it. Do it, now!” he ordered. With one last stroke into her, they both shouted out their pleasure together. Their muscles locked. Julia had her face raised toward heaven, eyes closed, and rapture emanating from her expression. **** It was a stirring display of raw sex and bliss. The moment froze in time for Ben. As he watched them, his heart sank like a stone. Sudden feelings of loss swamped him. His brain grasped at a fleeting wisp of knowledge. He was falling in love with her. And now it was too late to do anything about it. Ben moved away from his view out the window. It was time to seriously consider leaving. Arden had a cozy love nest here. He didn’t need another man around, especially one whose sexual attraction for Julia had morphed into something more substantial. But Ben had nowhere to go. Even if his house was still standing next door, it would probably be too close to the couple for him to be able to forget her. It would be too close to fully wish them well.

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Ben’s heart ached with regret. He hadn’t realized what his true feelings for Julia were. He had never been in love before. He thought the incessant hard-ons and constant thoughts of her were a result of an unfed lust, a ravenous need gone neglected too long. By the time he realized it was more, it was too late. Ben looked at the floor and rubbed his forehead with the heel of his hand. It was always too late for him, wasn’t it? Too late realizing he was too drunk to drive got him sent to prison. Too late getting back home killed his parents. Too late noticing he was falling in love would cost him his sanity. The consequences he had to serve for being a too-little-too-late dumbass were always severe. Ben walked out the front door of the house and sat on the steps looking out toward the road. His cock was still hard. His chest was hollow, empty except for the ache that had moved in there. His spine straightened when he looked up and saw the large group of people walking the road toward the house. “Shit,” he mumbled, as he pulled the pistol from his waistband. “Arden!” he yelled. “We’ve got company.” Ben stood, looking at the group, and saw the exact moment the men in the front of the pack caught sight of him. The whole troop stopped their forward motion, and Ben looked them over more closely. There were seven women, six men, and a bunch of children. After watching them circle and confab, one of the men handed his rifle over to the woman standing beside him and began walking slowly toward Ben with his empty hands spread out in front of him. Arden joined Ben on the front steps, followed by Julia. “Go inside,” Ben said, meeting her eyes when she stepped out the front door. She was dressed, but her face was flushed and her lips were beautifully swollen and pouty. Julia glanced at the group down the road and the man making his way toward the front of the house and disappeared back inside. “Cover me. I’ll meet him halfway,” Ben said, looking at Arden.


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Arden shouldered his rifle and set his sight on the man approaching, as Ben started toward him. “We don’t want any trouble. We were wondering if you could spare some water or food. We got kids with us,” he called to Ben as he got close enough to hear. “We’ve got a well and a field full of corn that’s a bit past its prime, but still edible,” Ben said as he finally reached the other man. “We can offer you as much corn as you can carry out of here and a fill up on water. But you’re going to have to leave your weapons behind with one of your men before you come onto our land, and be on your way after you have what you need.” The man nodded and held out his hand to Ben. “Thank you. I’m Chuck.” Ben shook Chuck’s hand. “Ben.” “I’ll get the crew.” Chuck turned toward the group and waved them forward as Ben turned back toward Arden and signaled that he could lower his rifle. “They’re going to take some corn and refill their water and be on their way,” Ben said to Arden when he returned. “They’re going to leave a man behind with their weapons.” “I’ll stay up front to keep an eye on him,” Arden said. They stood together watching the group advance. “Are you all right?” Arden asked. Ben nodded once without looking at his lifelong friend. “We need to talk,” he said, still not looking at Arden. Ben walked away from Arden as the group got closer. All of them were dirty and tired looking. Ben could see the wariness in the women’s eyes, even as they encouraged the kids to advance. There were ten kids total, ranging from toddlers to teenagers. “Come on.” Ben waved them forward. “Follow me to the well and the field. There’s an outhouse over there.” Ben motioned to it as he walked past. “Feel free, if anyone needs to use it.”

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A minute later, Julia exited the kitchen door with an armful of things and, without hesitation, joined the women and children at the water pump. With gun in hand, Ben stood off to one side, watching and listening to the excited chitchat of the little crowd around the hand pump. After a while, Chuck joined him. They stood together, shoulder to shoulder. “Do you guys have a destination in mind, or are you on the move to forage for food?” Ben asked Chuck. “We’re headed to Columbus. We heard from a Canadian Armed Forces soldier in Warren that aid shipments from other countries are going to the capitol cities of all the states affected.” “What states are affected?” “According to that same soldier, the better question would be what states weren’t affected.” Ben turned his head to look at the man. “That bad?” “Parts of a couple of southern states, some in New England, and up in the Pacific Northwest are okay. Not much more than that.” They stood in silence, watching the bustle of activity. Ben found Julia in the crowd. She was on her knees hugging one of the little girls. The girl’s face was clean and her hair was brushed and gathered into a ponytail. “Are all of you related?” “Nope. We were walking by each other on our way out of the city. As we went along, we eventually started talking. Well, our wives started talking. Then when the gangs started terrorizing families for their food, water”—he leaned in closer to Ben—“women,” he whispered. “We made alliances and protected the group as a whole. That’s not to say that it’s been all smooth sailing. We’ve lost two people, one of the men and a newborn, but compared to some, we’re living the good life.”


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“You’re only about fifty miles away from Columbus. You should make it.” “Should we continue on this road or turn around?” “Keep going. You’re way off the beaten path. It should be safe for you to stop for the night on this road before you turn west toward Columbus.” Chuck nodded. “Thank you for this.” “It’s no problem.” Ben and Chuck shook hands, and Chuck left to pack corn cobs in the stroller he was using to transport food, water, and other items. Julia came to stand by Ben as the group was getting ready to go. Ben smiled when he saw all four of the girls in the group with clean faces, brushed hair, and ponytails. Julia had been busy. As she said her good-byes to the group when they passed on their way back to the road, she seemed to already know everybody’s name. “Do you think they’ll be okay?” Ben looked down at her worried face, and his gaze travelled slowly down her body. The hollow feeling in his stomach attacked him out of nowhere. The short invasion of the group had distracted him from everything he had been struggling with. “Yeah. They’ll be fine.” Ben tried hard to smile down reassuringly in her direction. As the group disappeared down the road, the twisted feelings of regret and loss settled in again.

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Chapter 8 Later that night, Julia, Ben, and Arden sat in the living room, lit by two candles, snacking on a tray of odds and ends picked from the garden. They were drinking some booze Arden had found. Apparently it was an old stash of his father’s. Julia’s breakdown had dissipated after sex with Arden. The short visit from the families, and the small amount of help they were able to provide, turned the tide on the day for her. She even started to feel satisfied that she could actually hold her own with an attacker— something that had never been tested at the prison with all the COs around to do the physical shit. Ben seemed different somehow. But he still teased her relentlessly about being a bad motherfucker and asked Arden to remind him never to get her mad. The conversation eventually moved from reviewing the day to other topics. Cold weather and final supply needs were the topic the men finally landed on and stuck to for a while. They were developing a list of supplies they had to go in search of before the first snow came and settled over the area. Julia stepped outside to get some air. She was a little buzzed and a lot strung out from the day. She found a soft grassy spot just off the back porch and lay on her back looking up at the brilliant display of stars and listening to the night sounds of the country. She thought about being with Arden that morning. What the hell was she doing? She’d been trying to stay neutral toward both men, except for the good fucking she’d gotten from Arden this afternoon. Yeah, real neutral Julia. She still didn’t want to jeopardize her place


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here by creating tension between them. But, to her dismay, even after what happened between Arden and her today, there was an appalling lack of tension between the men. Ben was still eating her with his eyes, and Arden didn’t seem to care. Selfishly, she didn’t want Ben to stop, but she wanted Arden to care, even if it was just a little. And there it was. She’d been telling herself to stay neutral because it was the right thing to do, but her heart wanted more. She wanted more. She wanted to be loved. In a moment of clarity, Julia realized neither guy wanted a relationship. Neither had feelings for her, or at least not the depth of feelings she was looking for. Neither wanted love. If they did, they would care that the other guy was interested in her. She was the only one of the three that had any feelings invested here. There was a part of her that loved to be desired by them. It felt so good, probably because she desired both of them. But she also didn’t want to just be a booty call. A diversion, that’s what she really was to them. To be fair, she’d never given any indication that she wanted more from either man. She treated them like a diversion, too. Julia always felt like she would know when a man was totally right for her because he would pursue her despite her not giving away her feelings to him. He would work for her attention. Put himself out there. Take a risk. So far in her life, that had never happened with any man who had their shit together enough for her to be interested. Men she had dated who did have their shit together had not been interested enough to put any great effort into making her his own. Arden and Ben were no different. They would take what she gave them, like this afternoon with Arden. A little sweet talk and a vulnerable moment was all he needed. No feelings involved. No strings attached. She was a boy toy. A slut. A joke. Where was her self-respect? Just because she had feelings for a man didn’t mean it was okay to just let him use her. Julia was ashamed of herself. Living with these two men had made her soft,

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emotional. Saying no had never been a problem for her before. She needed to go back to that mindset. No exceptions. She needed to harden her heart, because if love only goes one way, then it’s not really love, it’s just pathetic. **** “Shit, Arden,” Ben said as soon as he thought Julia was out of hearing range. The men looked at each other. “It’s time to hash this out.” “I agree. You have feelings for her?” Arden asked. Ben nodded reluctantly. “You’re my best friend, Arden, always have been, always will be. I never want a woman to get in the way of that. I should leave.” “Not an option, Ben, and you fucking know it.” “If I stay, this situation is going to destroy us, man,” Ben said as he focused hard on Arden. “We’re going to be here a long time, the three of us.” Ben ran his fingers through his hair and sighed. “I’m not sure I can be happy for you, like I should. I feel like shit.” “I think you’re jumping ahead of yourself here. I see the way she gets flushed every time you look at her. It’s obvious to me that I’m not the only person she wants,” Arden said. “And damn, I can see how you feel about her. Your dick gets just as hard as mine every time she walks by. She’s easy to fall in love with, I guess.” There was a long silence, and then Arden continued. “What do you want to do? We have to take control now, make a decision, and stick with it. We’re best friends, and if we keep just letting things happen, I think you’re right, we’re done for. And you leaving is not an option.” “Maybe we could both make her happy,” Ben said absently, as if his words were mostly for his own consumption. Arden looked at Ben, eyes narrowed. Thoughtful. He smirked as if, like a super villain, he was mulling over an evil plan. “You know, the day I found her, I went through her backpack. At the very bottom


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I found a book. A romance novel.” His smirk broadened to a fullblown smile, white teeth flashing in the dim light of the family room. “I was bored as shit, so I read it. It was like hard core porn. It definitely wasn’t boy meets girl, falls in love, and they live happily ever after. It was more like boy meets girl, ties her up, and takes her up the ass in front of a room full of people. It was very, very bad,” he said, still smiling from ear to ear. Ben laughed out loud at his example. “So what are you saying, Arden? She’d be open to a perpetual threesome? Because there’s a big difference between reading porn and having a relationship…loving two men at the same time.” “Why not? Think about it. She would get twice the love, protection, attention, affection.” “Why would you even want to? She’s obviously into you. You don’t need to settle for less, to share her.” “I already told you I know she wants you, too, at least some of the time. Come on, we all know it. It’s not a big secret. It would be the best of both worlds for her. If she could trust us, and we could trust each other, there’s no reason we couldn’t try.” “Arden, you already know I’ll never trust anybody more than you.” Ben paused. “You really think she’d consider both of us?” “I don’t know. It’s possible. She’s definitely open-minded.” “We’d have to make some ground rules between us to make it work,” Ben said. “All in good time. Let’s start slow, see what kind of vibe we get and work from there.” “Yeah, okay.” A long silence stretched out between them. “Hey, I don’t want to be a buzzkill, but you’ve been gone for almost two years, are you, ah, clean?” “Clean as in do I have AIDS or some shit?” “Yeah.”

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“I always use a condom, my man. Always. Not that I’ve had much of an opportunity. I’ve been in prison for eighteen months, and I’m pretty sure I don’t have to tell you that I wasn’t screwing anybody there.” He chuckled. “Not that I wasn’t offered the opportunity on occasion.” “Well, I only have two condoms here. I’ve obviously been with her without one. I’m not worried about her getting pregnant though. She had a brand-new 90-day supply of the pill in her backpack when she got here.” Ben shook his head, thoughtful, silent, then said, “Well, we don’t even know if she’s going to be into me. I’ll make a few advances and see what happens. I’ll cross the other bridge if and when I get to it.” When they were done hammering out some details, Arden went up to bed. Ben, who had gone to the kitchen several times during their conversation to see if Julia was okay, went to get her when she didn’t return inside. She was sleeping in the grass. He studied her. So tiny. Her face was peaceful. It was hard to believe she’d killed a man that day. His heart convulsed in distress. She could have been killed. Taken from him with—his racing mind screeched to a dead stop. She was not his…yet. Did she really have feelings for him, too? Hope bloomed. He would find out for sure before he decided to leave. Bending over to pick her up, his head hovered above hers. Her lush, beckoning lips were parted. He ached to kiss her. He cradled her body in his arms. Her face settled against his chest. As he went through the door and started up the stairs, she said, “What’s with you guys and carrying me around all the time? I have feet you know.” He looked down to answer. She hadn’t opened her eyes, and her head was still snuggled against him. He chuckled. “Shut it,” he said softly. She smiled.


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He brought her into her room and laid her on the bed. “Do you want me to take your clothes off, too?” he growled. She smiled again. “Don’t get me started. You may not like how it ends.” “Oh? Maybe not, but you will,” he teased. For a moment, silence spread between them. Julia rolled to her side, facing away from him. “Ben?” “Yeah?” “The way you look at me… I like it.” “I know you do.” He covered her with the quilt and stroked her hair. “But I think you should stop,” Julia said. “It’s making life harder for me here. My feelings are all tied up and confused. I’ve tried so hard to stay away from both of you, but I haven’t done a very good job. This is eventually going to cause trouble. It’s wrong. Everything is a mess, the three of us here. The way I feel about you two. No matter how much respect we have for each other, eventually somebody is going to end up getting hurt. I’m afraid that someone is going to be me.” Ben let out a soft breath and lay down beside her. “We are all each other have, Julia. Nobody’s going to get hurt here. Neither Arden nor I would ever let that happen. You mean too much to us, and our friendship means too much to us.” He leaned over and brushed his lips gently on the sensitive spot behind her ear. “Now go back to sleep.” Ben curled his body around her. She was warm and safe in his arms. He burned the moment into his brain so it would be there to keep him company no matter what the outcome of their current plans for her. The next morning when Ben woke, Julia was tucked into him. She was pressing against his erection. He gently rubbed her back and ran his fingers through her tangled hair. “Oh, Ben, why are you doing this?” she whispered. “I told you—”

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He grabbed her around her waist and rolled her so she was facing him. “I heard what you said. Did you hear me as well?” “I…Yes, but—” “No buts, Julia. You have to trust me. Us. We both care about you.” “Yeah, you care about how soon you can get your dick in me,” she shot back. Her comment made him angry. “You’re wrong, Julia. What you said is wrong, and you know it. You’re going to have to give us your trust to make this situation okay, not just okay for me and Arden, but okay for you too.” “I do trust you, Ben, and God knows I want you.” Her words were barely audible. “But, Arden…Ben, you don’t understand. I just had sex with Arden yesterday. I’m not a fucking slut.” Disappointment in herself, along with a pained expression, masked her face. “The whole county heard you have sex with Arden yesterday, Julia. But last night, I heard you say you want me, too. And nobody thinks you’re a slut.” “But…Oh, hell, I don’t even know what to fucking say. This whole situation is making my head spin,” she said, turning her head and looking away from him. “Don’t say anything, just relax,” he said, trailing the pads of his fingers down her body. “Let me love you, too. I want to make you come for me, Julia.”


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Chapter 9 “Oh, Ben,” she whispered, “I don’t—” “Shh.” He leaned over and kissed her. He parted her lips with his tongue. She kissed him back, reluctantly at first, then with increased passion and need. Julia had wanted Ben to kiss her for a long time. It was how she imagined it would be—overwhelming, demanding, and powerful. He slipped his hand beneath her shirt and palmed her breast, taking full possession of it like he owned it. “So sweet,” he whispered in her ear. “I just want to take you, own every part of you. You’re in my blood. You linger in my brain. Now I want your taste on my tongue.” She felt his erection large, hard against her. Her body responded to his touch immediately. She arched into his hand and wetness pooled between her legs. He quickly and expertly stripped her of her oversized T-shirt. “Oh, Julia.” He looked at her nude body with silent consideration and untempered desire in his eyes. “You’re so sexy I can barely catch my breath. I need to hear you scream my name when you come. Tell me you’ll scream my name, Julia.” “Yes, yes,” she whispered, pulling him toward her. By the tone of Ben’s rumbling voice, Julia sensed this was not just playtime for him. There was seriousness and intensity that flowed out of him. It electrified the air and tingled against her skin. She felt it as if it was another presence in the room. With an easy strength, he wrapped his arm around her waist. He lifted her off the mattress and set her quickly back, face down with a

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pillow under her hips, ass jutting up in the air. Julia had a quick intake of breath because the move was smooth, seamless. He left her totally exposed to him as he knelt behind her. Ben’s aggressiveness turned her on and opened a door within her that Arden’s touch hadn’t. In a moan of approval, she gave him her submission and hoped he could deliver on his end of the deal. Ben got up and stood at the foot of the bed. With one smooth yank of the pillow underneath her hips, he slid Julia’s entire body toward him. “Oh shit, Julia. Your pussy is the fucking Mona Lisa,” Ben half growled and half moaned. Julia felt a jolt of wild recklessness being totally exposed for him, submitting her peach fuzz pussy to him to do with what he pleased. He brushed his thumb over her clit. Her breath caught. He did it again, just a little harder, then pinched it. Julia’s surprise at the quick pinch made her cry out in response. Then she felt his hot breath. His mouth was so close to everything she laid bare for him. He exhaled over her while his thumb returned to its caresses. Goose bumps rose on her skin, his playful bites and subtle licks wracked her with anticipation. She leaned back toward him as her need increased. He let out a low chuckle and answered her body’s request by sliding his tongue into her, filling her opening and exploring her vagina with his tongue. When his tongue left her for a moment, she let out a soft groan of protest. He lowered his mouth and explored her folds and slick, sensitive bud between them. He was slow, savoring. This was not an act of duty for him like it was for so many other men. Get her off now so he didn’t have to worry if she got off later. No, it was an act of pleasure. He was in no hurry. She was sure he was enjoying himself as much as she was. He groaned while her bud was in his mouth, and the sound triggered a reaction in her.


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She wasn’t thinking anymore. She just let go and felt. She jumped in surprise when his fingers entered her without warning. She could tell he took pleasure from her surprise. He rumbled a low laugh as he continued to explore with his tongue and fingers. He penetrated and withdrew over and over while his teeth gently but firmly nipped her clit. Julia writhed with his actions, trying to get more than what he was giving. He withdrew his fingers suddenly and placed a heavy hand in the center of her back. “You lie still,” he ordered. “You’ll get what I give you when I’m ready to give it.” With a soft bite on her ass, he penetrated her again with one finger, then two, withdrew and trailed his touch up from her core to the bud of her rear. He penetrated her rear with his finger and her pussy with another. She felt his hot breath again against her folds. His tongue and teeth rasped against her. His fingers fucked her, working in perfect unison to the sweet torture of his mouth. Julia groaned his name, and her body began to tense. He responded with harder, deeper penetrations and a quicker, more brutal mouth. Julia was frenzied and surged against him again. She couldn’t help herself. He had brought her to a point of sweet agony in only minutes, and her body’s primal, begging reaction had her squirming toward his fingers and mouth. His heavy hand came down again, pressing her back, forcing her to still her squirming, needy requests. “Fuck!” she yelled in agony. He slapped her ass with a warning. “Keep still, or I’ll stop again.” Sex with Ben was like a gauntlet—rough, commanding, challenging. His demand was for nothing less than total submission of her mind and body, and in return he gave her the unspoken promise of total pleasure. A pleading whine came from Julia’s mouth.

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“You’re being bad,” Ben said as he spanked her ass again and then savagely penetrated her rear and vagina again without warning. He captured her clit between his teeth. Julia yelped in surprise. He took the swollen nub into his mouth and sucked roughly. His penetrations hardened and deepened. “Fuck me, Ben, please.” Julia begged Ben for his cock. She wanted him inside of her. Filling her. “Please!” “No.” Julia tried to lift herself off the bed. “Dammit, Ben, I—” Before she could finish, his heavy hand came down on the center of her back again as his other spanked her ass. Julia felt like she could die from the emptiness left by his finger’s absence from inside her. “Oh God, don’t stop,” she pleaded. As soon as his fingers reentered her two holes and started pumping in sync with his suction of her clit, she was there. She floated in unbelievable ecstasy, reaching the top of her climax and remaining there suspended, transfixed, before falling, shuddering with waves of ecstasy. Julia’s cries were loud and shameless. She was lost in the overload of her senses. His hands and mouth did not relent. They did what they wanted, as much as they wanted. Her body trembled with uncontrolled muscles. Her wet cunt suctioned on the final advance of his fingers before he pulled them out. **** Ben felt like he was going to come in his pants just hearing Julia scream his name while his tongue was on her and his fingers inside her tight, sweet openings. When he was done stretching her climax out, she was spread out, panting, and totally spent before him.


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“That’s my girl,” he said in her ear. The hard-on underneath his jeans pressed against her ass as he leaned over her. He swatted her rear playfully. “I’ll see you downstairs.” It took serious determination for Ben to walk away from her. He wanted to be inside her so badly he was nearly dying from it. But Ben wanted it to be very clear in Julia’s mind that this encounter with him was for her, not him. It was not a booty call. It was more than that to him. He hoped it was more than that to her, too.

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Chapter 10 After he retreated from the bed and left the room, closing the door behind him, Julia lay there, wet and motionless like a puddle. When she gathered herself together enough to get up, she hesitated for a while, hoping the men would leave the house for their usual routine. She had been too loud with Ben this morning. There was no denying what had happened, and she wasn’t sure she could face Arden. They didn’t leave, however, and eventually she walked downstairs. The two men were cheerfully bantering at the kitchen table. When Arden’s eyes met hers, they were sparkling with good spirits. “We were wondering if you were ever going to grace us with your presence,” he said. Feeling guilty and ashamed, she dropped her eyes to the floor and made her way to the counter to grab an apple and a knife. Julia felt terrible. She didn’t want to hurt Arden. She loved him. There was no denying it. So, if she loved him, how could she have just been with Ben? Arden walked up quietly behind her. “It’s okay, Julia.” He wrapped his arm briefly around her waist as she stayed facing the counter, cutting her apple into slices. “I’m okay, and you should be, too.” He gave her a quick squeeze and returned to the table. Julia’s stomach twisted. “We do need to talk to you though. Last night, we made a pretty extensive list of things we need before winter. Ben and I have to leave for a while.”


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Julia’s attention was ripped from the apple she was cutting. She turned to face the two men sitting at the table. “The both of you? No!” “We don’t have a choice, kitten,” Ben said, leveling a serious stare at her. “We need to go so that we can make it through the winter. There are some things are just non-negotiable, and this is one. We need matches, and warm clothes for you, and that’s just the tip of the iceberg.” “I’ll go with you.” “No!” both men said in unison. “Kitten, you’ll be safer here. We can’t protect you as well out in the open.” Julia’s glance shot over to Ben. “I don’t fucking need protecting.” “You’re not going,” Ben countered. “Now let’s stop wasting our time discussing it.” Julia flared with fury then fear. She slammed her knife down and stormed out the door. “I got this,” she heard Arden say as he stood and followed her. “Julia, Julia! Stop, damn it!” he yelled as the screen door slammed behind him. Julia stopped and twirled around in attack mode. “I don’t get a say on what goes on here? I just have to do whatever you two say? Bullshit.” “It’s not like that, and you know it. You are an equal partner here, and your opinion counts. You walked away last night when we made our list and came to the conclusion that it just wouldn’t be as safe for you out there. Plus, we need to leave somebody behind to defend the farm. Julia, you would have come to the same conclusion if you had been in there with us. We don’t like it either, but it has to be done.” He stepped closer. “Come back in. You have to help us finish our list. I know this is hard, but you need to be on board.” Julia softened, and she looked at the ground for a moment, taking a deep breath. Then, over Arden’s shoulder, she saw Ben standing behind the screen door in the kitchen, his arms crossed over his chest.

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Julia nodded in resignation and took Arden’s outstretched hand to walk back to the kitchen. But instead of walking, he wrapped his arm around her waist, stopped her, and tilted his head down so that his forehead met hers. “Like Ben told you, you have to trust us.” He cupped his palm to her cheek, kissed her, and walked her up the porch stairs where Ben stepped out and held the back door open for them to enter. “All right, kitten, other than the coat, gloves, hat, and boots for you we already have on the list, is there anything else you need?” The room was silent. The men looked at her expectantly. “Tampons or pads are on the top of that list for me,” she mumbled. The men glanced at each other. “Oh goodie,” Arden said. “Even after the fall of the free world, women are still sending their men out to get them tampons.” Ben roared with laughter. Julia joined them, and they laughed together until tears poured from their eyes. The tense moment was broken and the return of the easy comfort among them was a welcome feeling for Julia. They spent the next hours nailing down their list and timetable for departure. They would be able to have Julia set up safe and secure for their absence in about a day. They decided to leave the day after next. **** The next twenty-four hours were a blur of activity. After carrying Julia’s queen-size mattress down the stairs and laying it in close proximity to the wood burner, Arden taught Julia how to build and maintain a fire. If the weather turned cold, she could close the door at the bottom of the stairs to seal off the upper level of the house, and the little wood-burning stove would be able to comfortably heat the lower level of the house. He then set up the inside so her first fire


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would need nothing but a light. Next, Arden stacked a large amount of wood in the family room so that it would be warm and dry when she needed it. When Arden was done with her, Ben grabbed her hand. “My turn,” he said as he led her outside. He went over the use of the pistol and rifle that would be left with her while they were gone, having her load and reload each. He quizzed her on the safety features and then made her take some practice shots with each gun. Ben then grabbed some heavy blankets from the house and led her over to his burned-out farm. He showed her the hidden root cellar there. He gave her directions on how to get there in a way that was not visible from Arden’s farmhouse in case she had to run without being seen. The root cellar was underground, so the temperature was less extreme compared to the outside air. He explained that the blankets he brought would be enough to keep her warm without a fire. He told her that if she had to leave the house, not to leave the root cellar to come looking for them. They would come looking for her when they got back. On the walk back, Julia noticed the chill in the air. The ominous signs of winter manifested in the steel-gray clouds and biting wind. It was as if Mother Nature had decided it was time to get busy with the change of seasons, and the weather quickly complied with her command. The long, warm fall was finally giving in to winter. The three of them had an uncomfortably quiet evening that night. Emotions weighed down the air but remained unspoken by all of them. The men went upstairs to their respective bedrooms early and left Julia alone on her mattress in the family room. After Julia tossed and turned for half the night, she realized that sleep was going to be elusive. Her fears were keeping her up. She wasn’t afraid to be left alone. She was afraid for the men’s safety. She felt responsible for them having to go in the first place. Almost everything on the final list they had formed was for her.

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Julia got up from the mattress and treaded lightly upstairs. Both men’s bedroom doors were open. She crept into Arden’s room and stood there watching him sleep. His expression was intense, especially for him. It was sexy. She stared at him for a long time, trying to sort out her feelings. She just didn’t get it. Why didn’t it bother him that she had been sexual with Ben? Because he didn’t love her, duh. How many times was she going to go over this in her mind? No matter how much she thought about it or wished it was different, there was no love there. And that was okay. Arden deserved better than what he was getting from her. She loved him, yes. But he deserved someone who loved only him. She wished she could be that. She couldn’t. She couldn’t change who she was. She couldn’t change what she needed to ultimately be happy in a relationship long term. Julia slipped out and went to Laura’s room to look in on Ben. She squashed a laugh when she saw his enormous body on Laura’s twin bed covered by what she knew was a hot pink comforter. As she came around so she could see his face in the dim moonlight, she saw his eyes were open. “You okay?” he whispered. “I’m sorry, I woke you up.” “No, I was up. I’ve been having a hard time sleeping knowing you were alone downstairs.” “Don‘t worry about me.” She paused and looked away from him. “I’m counting on you to bring both your asses back home to me. Don‘t fuck this up, Ben. You two have to come back.” “Ah, you have such a sweet, pretty way with words, kitten,” he said, mocking her. She punched him in the arm. “Ass!” He chuckled as she walked out the door and back down the stairs. ****


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At that moment, Ben longed to tell Julia how he felt about her. He wanted to tell her that he couldn’t get her out of his head. He kept trying to pull his thoughts away from her, but like a stretched bungee cord, they just sprung back to him quickly and with force. He loved her. He knew it because he didn’t want to leave her. He knew it because he wanted to protect her with every fiber of his body. He knew it because even being inside of her wouldn’t be close enough for him. His heart beat faster when she was near him. His cock hardened with every stray thought of her. A piece of him was missing when she wasn’t close to him. **** The next morning, both men were up early. They ate and drank their fill in silence and walked through the house to make sure they hadn’t missed any last minute instructions. “Well, it looks like you’re all set,” Arden said, glancing at her then at Ben. “You ready?” “Yep.” They both looked at her. Ben walked up. “It’s going to be okay.” He breathed into her hair as he held her then kissed her on the cheek. Arden stepped forward when Ben walked out the door. He pressed himself to her. “I love you, Julia.” He kissed her other cheek and released her. Julia met his eyes. She was flustered. She didn’t know. She wasn’t expecting this. Julia’s throat was too choked up to offer a response, and he didn’t wait for one. She looked down at her feet, trying to choke down internal sobs. Fear and uncertainty chipped away at her calm façade. She followed out the door behind him. She watched them from the junction where the drive met the road as they left with empty packs on their backs, canteens over their shoulders and guns in their hands until she could no longer see them.

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She walked back to the kitchen and looked around. It was weird being in the house now. It was cold and un-welcoming, like she didn’t belong there. The quiet emptiness of the house echoed within her. With the men gone, it felt like a piece of her was gone, too, like a gaping hole was created in the center of her body. Emptiness somersaulted with eerie despair in the gaping void. She let go of a moan of anguish, and now with no audience, she let it all go until there were no tears left, and her throat was sore from her racking sobs. She was utterly alone. She wondered if her heart would survive if they didn’t make it back.


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Chapter 11 Julia was well qualified to diagnose the full spectrum of mental health disorders from sociopath to pathetically depressed. It was definitely depression that descended on her. It swallowed her whole. She completely lost the desire to eat, and sleep was hard to come by. She knew that exercise would jumpstart her mood and put her back in the right frame of mind, but she had promised Mother Hen Ben that she would stay in the house as much as possible. No visits to Salt Creek. No wandering, which meant no jogging. So, with nothing else to do, Julia ticked away the hours of that first day within her own head. She sorted out all of her roiling feelings without the constant distraction of the men. The men. Plural. She rolled her eyes and shook her head. Julia mentally listed the men she’d dated in her previous life, before the EMP. They were too nice, too irresponsible, too boring, or stupid. They drank too much or had no career future. She also found that most men just wanted to get into her pants, which wouldn’t have been so bad if any of them knew what they were doing in bed. Most sucked at plain old normal sex, and those who didn’t weren’t too interested in meeting her more unusual sexual needs. So far, her lovers had been mostly about themselves, and when they were done, they were done. With the utter lack of anything else her mind could focus on, Julia delved deeper into herself. It struck her that she’d grown bitter in her disappointment. As a result, she made little to no effort to get to know the men she was attracted to. Julia had built a protective wall around herself. And

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in the last few years, very few men had been invited inside her defenses. The wall grew taller and stronger as every new brick of disappointment was set into place, mortared by the will to have it all. But now there were two. Before the EMP, she could never find a man who was even close to the whole package. Ben and Arden together…the whole package. Sensitive and sexual. Gentle and rough. Nurturing and overwhelming. The sun and the moon. Arden had the qualities within him that every woman looked for in a man. He was romantic, sensitive, and smart. He talked with her on her own level about practically anything. She could express her feelings, and he listened. He was able to carry on that emotional conversation with her, which was a major skill for any man. He was gentle and attentive. Her body responded to him. Maybe it was since he already had her brain, the body easily followed. He took her to climax effortlessly. Ben was the perfect other side of the coin, the moon to Arden’s sun. Oh God, Ben. She got wet every time he looked at her. There was a well of aggression within him that her body and soul needed. It was as if he really understood her deviant within, her rough edges, and he accepted it. He had a great sense of humor, and she could verbally joust with him for the rest of her life. Best of all, he took total control of her in bed. She trusted him to do that. She needed him to do that. She tossed around her feelings for the men, trying to be objective and reasonable, but she finally caved. Oh hell, who was she kidding? She didn’t need to do any deep psychological soul searching. She was in love, with Arden and Ben, and she felt like a fucking freak because of it. This was not normal. It was not an acceptable social situation in any culture. She’d always known she was different, but come on! She had to try to stay neutral. She had to deny what she felt for them. This was going to be hard for her. It would make her crazy. But


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her mind knew neutral was the right thing to do. She also knew her heart and body revolted against her mind’s sound reasoning. Julia sat in the kitchen in the early evening. The sun shone straight onto the back porch and directly through the kitchen windows, warming the air. The complete silence, and the slanted rectangles of light that held glittering specks of dust suspended before her eyes, mesmerized her. When Julia heard the soft tapping at the front door, she snapped out of her numbness, tensed, and grabbed her gun. Her heart thudded furiously in her chest as she walked into the living room. She peered through the narrow opening of the sheers at the picture window, trying to get a look at who was at the door. She could see the steps leading to the door but not the person standing on the landing. “Who’s there?” she yelled through the closed door. “Julia?” A faint voice floated back to her. Julia unlocked and opened the door. “Kaylee!” One of the girls from the group that had passed through a few days back stood solitary on the other side of the door. The sixyear-old’s toothless grin Julia had received for doing the girl’s hair was gone. She was shaking and dirty. Her skin was ashen, with dried tear streaks on both cheeks. “Where’s everybody else?” Julia asked, pulling her inside. Relief and exhaustion flashed over Kaylee’s face before she started crying. Through ragged sobs and an endless stream of tears, Kaylee relayed the story of the men that came in the middle of the night. “They were shooting and yelling,” she sobbed. “My mommy pushed me away from the fire, to where it was dark, and told me to run. I couldn’t, Julia. It was too dark and I was scared.” Julia knelt and wrapped her arms around the small, hysterical bundle of skin and bones that collapsed against her. She cradled and rocked Kaylee as the tears poured out of her along with the rest of her story. “Mommy was turning to walk away from me, and then she just fell. I went back to her, and she got mad at me. She pushed me away

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and told me to go to your house. She said she would come get me here.” Julia comforted the traumatized girl. She hugged Kaylee’s little body close to her and let her cry until there was nothing left. “When did this happen?” Julia asked Kaylee after her crying had stopped. “The night before last night,” Kaylee said, her big brown eyes looked to Julia with hope. “I spent last night by myself.” Kaylee’s voice wavered. “It was so scary.” “You didn’t see Arden or Ben on your way back here?” Kaylee shook her head. “No.” Julia knew when the men left that there were dangers they would face. She hadn’t thought there would be people so brutal that they would kill women and children without provocation. A new level of understanding settled in to Julia’s soul. She had really been living in a fantasy world here. “Julia?” “What sweetie?” Julia said, distracted by her renewed fears for the men. “I need some Band-Aids.” Kaylee lifted up her shirt to show Julia a gaping groove on her side, just above the waistband of her pants. It was about half an inch deep, maybe a little more. “Oh my God! Kaylee! What happened?” Kaylee shrugged. “It happened when I was leaning over my mom.” Kaylee looked down at the partially scabbed, oozing channel carved out of her. “I don’t feel good.” She rested her head back against Julia’s chest, and moments later she was unconscious. Julia wasn’t sure whether she passed out or fell asleep. She carried Kaylee over to the love seat and laid her down. Then she ran around the house getting the supplies she needed to take care of the shallow groove, which Julia assumed had been caused by a bullet grazing the child.


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With shaking hands and a churning stomach, Julia cleaned out the flesh with a washrag. Kaylee had no fat underneath the skin, and the structure of what lay directly underneath her open wound was exposed. Julia tried to remember human anatomy. High school biology class had been a long time ago, but she was pretty sure she was looking at Kaylee’s liver or intestines as she dug deep into the groove, cleaning it as best she could. She hesitated for a minute before putting the antibacterial on a wound so deep. She didn’t know if it was the right thing to do, but she ended up coating the raw flesh anyways. When it was thoroughly cleaned and coated, she placed a folded scrap of material over the wound and used duct tape to hold it in place. Kaylee’s skin rose with goose bumps when her clothes were removed and the cool water of the washrag cleaned her skin. She was hot to the touch. Julia placed cool compresses on the child to bring down the fever. She found Tylenol in the medicine cabinet and decided she would give some to Kaylee when she woke up. Julia sat in the rocking chair and looked at the sweet little girl until there was no light left. She wondered if anyone in that group of people survived, and if they did, did anyone other than Kaylee’s mom know where she was? When Julia woke up at dawn, stiff and in a fog, it only took an instant before everything came rushing back. She went to Kaylee, and at first inspection, Julia knew the little girl was in a bad way. Her tiny body had not moved during the night. Her skin burned underneath the gentle press of fingers to her forehead. Julia tried to wake Kaylee up to give her water and the Tylenol, but she couldn’t rouse her. She knelt next to the love seat, applying cool compresses in an effort to cool Kaylee down. It didn’t seem to be doing any good. Frustrated with her helplessness, Julia returned to the rocking chair and watched Kaylee breathe in and out. In and out. The hours passed. Julia’s stomach growled, and her bladder screamed for release, and still she sat staring, with a sob poised in her

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throat and her insides gutted. What else could she do for the girl? She didn’t know. She just didn’t know. When Julia finally left the room to take care of herself, she returned in less than a few minutes. She walked over to Kaylee and tenderly picked her up. Julia sat down cross-legged in the middle of the loveseat with the small girl nestled in her lap, her head on Julia’s chest. Julia felt the light exhale of each hot breath over her skin and was aware of every wisp of air Kaylee exhaled in the hours that followed. She sat with her as the morning sun moved over the house, changing the light in the room and marking the hours they’d spent together. She rocked and comforted the pint-size body that was struggling against what was attacking it. She stroked Kaylee’s hair and smiled at the memory of her toothless, laughing glee from just a few days before. She whispered in Kaylee’s ear about six-year-old things, favorite colors, riding bikes, and dressing up for the upcoming Halloween. Julia felt Kaylee’s last breath, like the hundreds she’d felt before it, but only realized it was the end when Kaylee’s urine seeped through her panties and soaked into Julia’s jeans. She sat with the dead girl in her arms, in shock. When she finally stood, Julia placed Kaylee on one of the blankets covering her mattress and folded her into it. Dazed, she walked out the back door into the cold evening air and grabbed a shovel from the barn. She picked a nice spot near the beginning of the trail that led to Salt Creek and began to dig. With each shovel of dirt tossed aside, Julia’s composure faltered until she completely lost it. She raised her head to the sky and shrieked the most bloodcurdling sound she’d ever made. She needed to assert her rage at God. How could he let this happen? Why would he lead Kaylee back to her and then just let her die? Julia was devastated and her faith irrevocably damaged.


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She dug for what seemed like hours with an unending stream of tears clouding her vision and her nose dripping onto her shirt. It was dark when she finally placed Kaylee’s wrapped body into the hole she’d dug and began refilling it with dirt. **** The days since the men had left accumulated. Julia’s worry about whether something had happened to them intensified. Her trips to the end of the drive to see if she could see them returning grew more and more frequent. The question as to whether they would come back at all cycled endlessly through her head. Time dragged. She felt hollow. She was making herself crazy. She decided that she had to distract herself, or she was going to lose it. She had to find things that would keep her occupied. She jumped up and filled a bucket of water from the pump. She had been neglecting herself. Now, she had all the time in the world to give a little more attention to her appearance. Julia assessed her body. Her hair was coming back, everywhere. Talk about cave woman. She hated it. Arden had a straight razor that his father had used before the common use of the disposable variety. She had used it for her pits and legs a few times. It wasn’t waxing, but the results were satisfactory. But she was not going to use a straight razor down there. Too tricky. She went through her little toiletry kit and grabbed the tweezers she’d found in the upstairs bathroom months ago. She propped a mirror and began tweezing. Mercifully, the job was time consuming. Hey, at least I have a hobby. She laughed to herself as she painfully passed another day away. The next morning, as if she wasn’t miserable enough, she got her period. This was her third since she’d gotten there. It was traumatizing in a whole new and disgusting way. How the hell was she going to deal with this for the next fifteen to twenty years?

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Folding up scraps of old flannel and stuffing them in her one and only pair of underwear was bad enough. But then she had to wash the flannel by hand to use again later. It sucked, really sucked. There was a bright side, though. At least Ben wasn’t around to make smart-ass comments about this month’s “visitor.” She was sure he’d be sorry he missed it. Julia tried desperately over the next days to keep her mind busy. She started to write down the lyrics to the songs she used to have on her iPod. This activity took her through a full range of emotions because the songs she wrote down spanned everything from Aerosmith to Will Smith, with every possible genre in between. It kind of made her laugh to think she’d probably be wiping her ass with the paper she’d written these song lyrics on sooner or later. She also found that when she wrote down the lyrics of the songs and sung them in her head, she got just as much emotional therapy as she used to get in her old life when she ran and listened. Julia woke up one morning determined to try making the soap recipe she had found tucked into Arden’s mother’s canning cookbook. Fucking disaster. She followed the recipe to a tee, using lye and rendered fat from the last deer that Arden had shot. And, as if it was going to make any difference, she put some lavender into the mix thinking she would have a sweet lavender soap to wash with. Ha! What she ended up with was genuinely discouraging. As they say, desperate times called for desperate measures, and it would truly be a desperate time for her, or anybody else, to try to clean themselves with the burning concoction she’d made. **** The men knew where they were going, and as they traveled farther from their rural home, they found increased destruction and evidence of chaos. Arden saw firsthand much of what Ben had


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described after arriving at the farm. Fires had not only burned entire blocks of homes to the ground but had consumed strip malls, medical buildings and corner gas stations. Rubble and ash from the fires and remnants from the looting littered the streets among the stalled cars that hadn’t moved since the day of the EMP. In the stores that were still standing, electronics remained on the shelves while vending machines, restaurants, and grocery stores had been stripped bare. The bared stores and restaurants now only contained the decomposed corpses of those bested in the scramble for food. All of the destruction had come much closer to the farm than Arden felt comfortable with. They had decided to not enter any homes to try to find supplies. The safety risk was just too high. People in their own homes had had plenty of time to build defenses and could be waiting in ambush for intruders. Because of this decision, options were limited. They raided cars and went through obviously abandoned shops and homesteads with no luck. They found sweatpants, a winter jacket, and boots for Julia in a Salvation Army donation bin behind a store. These finds alone almost filled up one of the backpacks. They also found a few cigarette lighters from car raids but no matches. Still no candles, wicks, or lamp oil, canning lids, tampons or pads, or the Holy Grail—ammo. Their wish list also included salt, medicines, bandages, and the ultimate luxuries of toothpaste and deodorant. After only finding the clothes and a few odds and ends on the list, they carefully weighed the risks of continuing against the possible benefits. So far they had seen very few people. Arden figured those that were left were entrenched in their own safe havens. The few travelers they did see were armed, and they passed each other giving a wide berth. Food was non-existent. They found none anywhere. The men relied on what they could shoot, steal from abandoned fields and

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gather from fruit trees and other edible plants. In the end, they decided together to keep going. Arden and Ben walked for another day before they came to an industrial parkway. The buildings were windowless and would be dangerous to enter blind to who might be inside. They decided they would watch and wait to see if there were any people coming or going before trying to enter one of the buildings. They spent a lot of time sitting in the shadows, watching, waiting, and whispering about Julia. In the vacuum of silence and boredom, discussion of her greedily took priority over all else. Arden fantasized about her in the privacy of his own head and in conversations he had with Ben. Together, they wondered how far she would go to let them both love her. Arden accepted his friend’s love for Julia, believing that neither one of them alone would be able to fulfill what she needed in a man. Sharing her would be the only way either one of them could have her. Acceptance of that fact seemed to deepen their bond of friendship. Together, they produced a perfectly crafted plan of action that would serve Julia and protect the balance of love and friendship within the house. Arden and Ben made an oath with each other how this love would play out, or if Julia rejected either one of them, not play out at all. After a whole day and half a night of surveillance, they deemed it was worth the risk to enter a parts machine shop that looked like it had already been broken into some time ago. Hoping that a first aid kit could be found, they hit pay dirt, finding two fully stocked kits mounted to walls on either side of the shop. Inside were Band-Aids, gauze, alcohol swipes, and antimicrobial ointment. Ben broke into the machine in the ladies’ room and scored ten tampons for Julia. The vending machines in the lunchroom were completely empty, but they found some salt and sugar packets left over from lunches long eaten. After almost five days of skulking around with very little food and no protection from the elements, the


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men were happy with their haul and decided to head back toward home the following morning. **** They’d been gone seven days, and Julia’s fear practically immobilized her. Seven days was too long. Something had happened. They would have been back by now if everything had gone well. This was all so stupid. The ridiculous list of things they thought they needed was not worth the cost of two men’s lives. What were they thinking? She hadn’t cried since the day they left. But now, all she wanted to do was burrow into her lair of blankets on the mattress and hide, cry, and escape from feeling anything at all by sleeping as much as possible. The weather had turned cold, and darkness came earlier. The sounds of summer seemed to give way abruptly to the November winds blowing outside. It was noisy, eerie. How was it she could drift in and out of sleep all day, but when night fell, everything seemed to intensify her fears? The noises outside, her loneliness, the machinations of her mind all worked together to give her sleepless nights. Julia still hadn’t lit the little pyramid of sticks that Arden left her in the wood burner. She wasn’t so cold that she felt she needed to, and there was a little piece of her that didn’t want to feel comfortable there without them. Julia just wanted them back. She promised herself she would not take them for granted when they returned. She now knew how important they were to her. She had never felt this way before. It scared her. Julia had learned very young that love, when it went wrong, could tear a person apart, change the very being of who they were. She had protected herself against love so far, never really giving her heart away. But now? Shit, she was done for.

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She crawled into her cocoon for the night and thought about Arden and Ben as she did every night when she tried to fall asleep. When she woke, her head was still covered with one of her blankets, protecting her from the cold air outside of her cocoon. She rolled over and hit an immovable object. What the…? She uncovered her head and found Ben lying beside her, his face less than six inches away. He was fully dressed, stank to high heaven, and was dead to the world. She looked over to her other side and found Arden lying on his back with the crook of his arm over his eyes, also stinking and also sleeping. Her heart sang. Oh, thank God, thank you so much for bringing them home safe. She lay between them bursting with happiness and relishing the feel of their warm bodies on either side of her. As they slept, she lay there and filled up the hole of accumulated loneliness with their presence and silently vowed that she would not let them leave her here alone again.


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Chapter 12 Julia left them to sleep after carefully getting out of bed. She excitedly prepared for their reunion. First things first. It was too cold in there. She walked over to the wood burner and opened the heavy cast iron door. It groaned with a low resonating clamor. She peeked over her shoulder. She couldn’t believe neither man had woken up. She lit the wood teepee that Arden had set up for her and waited for it to catch. Julia wrapped her flannel shirt around herself and hurried out the kitchen door. After stopping at the outhouse, she pumped three buckets of water and brought two of them next to the fire to warm for the men. A few minutes later, Julia stripped in the half bath that was tucked in under the stairs in the back corner of the kitchen. With hands that moved at the speed of light, she took a washcloth and cleaned up with the cold water and thankfully-not-homemade soap. She was shivering by the time she re-dressed herself in the flannel shirt and her jeans. She brushed her teeth and ran a brush through her hair, which was damp from the wet washrag treatment she had given it. She felt revived, happy—content. Julia went to work making breakfast. During the week on her own, she had ground up some of their corn meal even finer in an attempt to make corn flour. After some persistence, she had produced a reasonable facsimile. She made some batter with it by adding water and then grabbed a jar of the canned applesauce she had made with Arden about a month before. She set three place settings on the table

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and wished she had some coffee to go with the homecoming breakfast. Grabbing a cast iron skillet, she brought the batter and a spatula into the family room. The men were sleeping in the exact same positions she had left them almost an hour before. She paused, turned back to the kitchen, set down the breakfast supplies, then took a running leap, landing on her stomach in the middle of the bed between the men. “Get out of bed, you lazy asses. I’ve got a whole list of chores for you bums,” she said, shaking both of them wildly. Protest shot out from Ben’s side first. “Oh, I’m going to kill you, woman.” He grabbed her at her waist and pulled her to him on the mattress. “Eww, you stink. Let go,” she said as she rolled away from him. By that time, Arden’s eyes were open, and his head was turned toward them. He flashed a happy, relieved smile and scooted over to press his body up to her on the other side. “You don’t smell any better, Arden. Now both of you get your butts up. Wash up,” she ordered, pointing to the buckets by the stove. “And get some clean clothes on. I’m not having breakfast with you two smelling like dirty ass.” “Ah, my kitten has such an eloquent way with words.” Ben laughed. Julia walked into the kitchen and out the back door. She grabbed the large galvanized tub they used for washing clothes and brought it just inside the entrance to the living room and left again to get buckets of water to fill it. After making a couple of trips, she poked her head farther in and found the two, partially dressed and cleaning themselves with wash rags like she had done earlier in the morning. Arden loudly griped about her “bossy ways,” fully knowing she was standing in the doorway behind him. “Put your clothes in here to soak,” she said, pointing to the tub. “Yes, ma’am,” Arden said sarcastically.


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When they finished cleaning up, the men briefed her, detailing their trip over breakfast. When they were through, she told them about Kaylee in short clipped sentences. The men sat silent for a few moments after her account of events. They attempted to console her, but she brushed them off. She told them she didn’t want to talk about it. She had pulled herself together in the last few days and knew it would be easier to move on if she didn’t have to live through the experience again by rehashing it with them. Her corn crepes filled with applesauce were a success. After breakfast, Ben handed over a backpack filled with a winter jacket, gloves, boots, three pairs of white cotton panties, socks, and a pair of black sweatpants. Tucked inside the boots were tampons and rolled inside one of the gloves was a small bottle of rose-smelling perfume. “Oh guys, thank you so much! I never thought I’d be so happy to own granny panties.” She looked at Arden then to Ben with genuine joy and walked over to give them both a kiss on the cheek. “I’m so glad both of you are home.” Julia saw the men’s eyes meet for a brief second. Was it her imagination or was there an unspoken message between them? She brushed it off as nothing and started cleaning up the breakfast plates. “Well,” Arden announced, “I want to go out back and set some traps, see if we can get any fresh meat for tonight or tomorrow. Ben, you want to come?” “Nope, I’m officially declaring this a day of rest for me, bro.” “Julia, wanna come?” “No, I have some God-awful stinking laundry to do,” she said smiling. “Okay, I won’t be gone too long,” Arden said as he shrugged on his coat, grabbed his rifle and headed out the back door. Julia promptly got on her hands and knees with her homemade soap, glad she’d already found a good use for it, and scrubbed the men’s clothes.

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Ben stepped over her in the doorway to the family room, and after feeding the wood stove, lay down on the mattress and fell asleep. Julia experienced a tweak of disappointment. Somewhere in her subconscious, she had hoped Ben stayed behind to spend time with her. Then her internal dialogue started. Maybe they talked out this whole triangle situation and worked it out between themselves. Julia’s stomach twisted. Come on, you’re upset if they do want you and upset if they don’t. You’re putting them in a no-win situation. Just accept, and go with the flow, and be happy they’re home. The internal voiceover looped and replayed as she washed, and it cloaked the homecoming with subtle feelings of melancholy. She finished scrubbing the men’s filthy clothes and took them outside to wring out and lay over the railing of the porch. It was cold, and the heavy materials wouldn’t dry well outside, but she figured she could bring the clothes back inside by the wood burner after they had stopped dripping. Julia looked around and saw Arden walking back toward the house. She waited for him to reach her, even though her clothes were wet and the cold was biting. “Could you help me carry the wash tub out?” she asked him. “No prob.” He placed his hand at the small of her back and guided her in front of him through the door. Together, they carefully carried the washtub, heavy with dirty water, out the back door and dumped it on the grass. “Now I’ve got to get on some dry clothes.” Julia smiled, looking down at herself. With the wood burner blazing, the small lower level of the house had warmed considerably throughout the morning, and Julia decided to put on the yellow dress she’d found in her gym bag the day of the EMP. She hadn’t worn it even though the fall weather was warm enough. It just wasn’t conducive to the physical labor that they had been doing to prep for the winter. She felt sexy when she put it on


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with nothing underneath, and she knew she’d get to the bottom of what was going on with them by the end of the night wearing this. Julia smiled to herself. Careful, your horns are showing. When she exited the bathroom, Ben was outside and looked like he was heading off toward his farm. Arden sat at the kitchen table. “Ben going to his farm?” “Yeah, he just wanted to pick up a few things from his root cellar.” He eyed her up and down in the yellow T-shirt dress. It hugged her curves and made it incredibly obvious that there was nothing between that material and her skin. Julia cleared her throat. “Speaking of, could you go to the root cellar for me and get some potatoes? We can have them with either the fresh meat you catch in the trap or deer jerky tonight for dinner.” “Sure. I’ll get them for you in an hour or so when I go back to check the traps. I used some apple for bait. I’m hoping for a rabbit. It shouldn’t take long to get something this time of year.” “Mmm, fresh meat and potatoes. Almost too good to be true.” Arden got up and went to the family room. He returned with his guitar. “Any requests?” he said with a strum, then started picking and tuning each string. “You choose,” she said, smiling as she leaned against the kitchen counter and crossed her arms. He started playing the first chords, and Julia recognized the song immediately—Black Crowes’ “She Talks to Angels.” The kitchen was warm, the music beautiful, and her heart contented. They spent the next hour enjoying the soft, melodic strums of his guitar. Some songs Julia recognized, some she didn’t. There was something about a man and his guitar that was unbelievably attractive. Arden was turning her on. He was sexy playing his songs just for her. When Arden put his guitar down and said he was going to go check the traps and grab the potatoes she’d asked for, Julia was totally blissed out, relaxed.

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“Aww, I don’t want you to stop,” she whined. “We have all winter to listen to the guitar. Right now, I’m starving again. Pray that I’m not back right away. It means I caught some dinner and it needs cleaning,” he said with an eyebrow wag and an unusual mischievous smile. “Later, kitten.” Oh great, now he’s calling me kitten, too. **** Ben and Arden returned together, Ben with a bottle of vodka and Arden, as hoped, with a rabbit and potatoes. When Ben walked in and caught sight of Julia in that dress, the familiar blatant look of lust in his eyes appeared along with a low groan. He looked at her with so much burning determination that she had no doubt he would get what he desired. Then, as quickly as it revealed itself, the look was gone. “I’m going to go put another log on the fire,” he said and walked straight through to the family room. Arden grabbed a roaster pan with a lid and prepared the rabbit to be cooked on top of the wood burner. Julia washed the potatoes, cut them into quarters, and dropped them into the pan with the meat. Arden came up behind her, looking over her shoulder. “We should put a little salt on the potatoes since we have some.” He leaned into her to grab the salt shaker on the counter and pressed his erection into her ass as he did. When her body straightened ever so slightly, he chuckled low in her ear then picked up the roaster and the lid and carried them over to the wood burner. Julia gave an internal groan of her own. They ate the delicious rabbit and potatoes and drank some of the vodka that Ben had brought over from his root cellar. They talked, joked, and Arden played some more guitar. They celebrated the success of the raid and that they were all back together again, safe and sound.


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Julia looked between the two of them, talking and laughing. She loved these guys. They took care of her, treated her with respect, they were fun…and sexy. She was surprised for a moment because she realized she liked being taken care of by these two. Hardass Julia Costa liked being taken care of. Go figure. The heat from the wood burner combined with the vodka and the near darkness of the candlelight made Julia drowsy. “I’m ready to go to bed,” she said as she stood up and walked toward the back door. She pulled on her new boots, shrugged into her new coat that was hanging on a hook by the back door, and ran out to use the bathroom. When she got back, the kitchen was empty, and the candle on the table was out. She walked through to the family room. By the dim light of the coals and small flame that remained in the wood burner, Julia found both men lying on opposite sides of the mattress with about as much space between them as humanly possible. She laughed to herself as she climbed in the opening between them and covered just the bottom of her legs since it was so warm in there. Neither man acknowledged her entry into the middle. They were fast on their way to sleep already. After a minute, Arden rolled over and spooned against her back. Her heart tripped and her breath quickened. He was hard again and pressing into her rear. She could feel his hot, even breath against her cheek and the back of her neck. Julia didn’t move, partly because she wasn’t sure he was awake, but mostly because she liked it. An avalanche of feelings covered her, suffocated her. She was happy, excited. She felt loved and safe. It felt so good to be held, even if it was just in his sleep. Julia opened her eyes to see if Ben was awake. He was lying on his side, facing her. His eyes were open, and she could feel the heat and craving in his look clinging to her skin. Julia breathed through slightly parted lips as if taking in more air might still her mind and body.

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Arden began stroking the top of her thighs and continued lazily up to her waist. She knew that even if Ben couldn’t see the motion, he could hear it. But Ben’s eyes weren’t even trying to see where the movement sounds were coming from. His eyes met and locked with hers. He reached up, caressed her cheek with his thumb, and ran it over her bottom lip then back over the curve of her shoulder. Her stomach twirled. She closed her eyes, shutting Ben’s greedy stare out. They were both caressing different parts of her body. Julia’s heart was pounding hard. This was it. The competition between the two men was going to come to a head, and she would be in the middle. Shit! Their hands are going to meet. This is bad, so bad. Julia’s mind raced, but her body was caught up in the sensations of both men’s caresses. Her skin ached for them, and she was on the brink of releasing a moan of absolute pleasure. Her mind fought to process possible solutions to avoid the inevitable collision of hands. Arden broke the silence with a whisper in her ear. “It’s okay, Julia. Trust us.”


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Chapter 13 Julia was stunned. They both knew the other man’s hands were touching her. She didn’t respond. She couldn’t think. Her body answered for her. She shifted, slightly placing pressure on Arden’s cock by leaning hard against him with her ass. He grunted with want. Julia signaled her approval to Ben by reaching forward and sliding her nails down his abs and curling them under the waistband of his briefs so that her fingertips brushed the top of his erection. He took in a deep breath as she lingered there. “That’s my girl.” He exhaled. She relished in the consuming relief that dawned on her. There would be no clash between the two men tonight. And now, relieved of the worry she’d carried with her for months, she could let her mind go and just experience. She was all in. Totally in the moment, without fear of ramifications. Julia watched Ben take off his boxer briefs as Arden slid his hand down the outside of her thigh, underneath the hem of her dress, to the smooth, bare skin between her legs. Feeling the bare flesh, Arden objected. “Oh, Julia, you’re killin’ me.” “What? You don’t like it? Maybe Ben will like it then,” she pouted as Ben returned back to the mattress, now free of his underwear. Arden released her, and as if by unspoken synchronization, they pulled the yellow dress off her over her head. Arden left the mattress a moment to shed his shorts and watched Ben and Julia together.

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Julia was lying on the mattress completely naked as Ben lay beside her up on one elbow. “So sexy,” he breathed as his fiery gaze traveled down her body. When he saw her bare pussy, he leered with a burning gaze that held a seriousness and intensity that smacked of ownership and told her that she was his. He leaned in and lowered his head to kiss her. His kiss started softly and got more urgent and needy. He broke the kiss and placed his arm underneath her shoulders and cradled her off the mattress toward him. He kissed her again, exploring with his tongue, possessing her mouth. When Ben guided his other hand to her breast, Julia arched into his grip. As her already hard nipple chafed against his roughened hands, Julia brought her hands up and tangled them in Ben’s hair. Arden returned to the bed as the two kissed. He caressed Julia’s thighs apart. He positioned himself between her legs and gave her one long, forceful lick from her rear to the tip of her clit. Julia yelped in response to the sudden stimulation down there. She broke the kiss with Ben. “Shit,” she exhaled, as Arden began a firm, rhythmic dance with his tongue. He flicked and sucked her clit with excruciating intensity. When she tensed, already close to orgasm, his tongue strayed lower and entered her. He moaned into her as his tongue attended to every inch of her soaking wet cunt. Ben continued his control of Julia’s lips as he kneaded her breast. His mouth and hands brutalized her flesh. He was not gentle, and she didn’t want him to be. When his mouth left her lips, Ben wedged his head toward her neck, nudging her so that she angled her head backward, until her jaw and neck were exposed. He took the sensitive skin at the juncture of her shoulder and neck into his mouth and marked her, sucking and biting the flesh. It was a delicious pain, pleasure, and badge of his ownership.


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She was panting as he eventually brought his mouth down on first one nipple, then the other. Her nipples screamed for more of his sheer dominance of them. He pinched, sucked, and bit with lavish attention and pure ferocity. They were for him, and he took what was his. Julia was in such exquisite pleasure with the men’s mouths on her. She was nearing the brink. There was too much sensation. She was almost frenzied in the pleasure storm. She moaned and squirmed under the relentless tongues and hands on her body. She was overheated, her body tormented to the edge of reason. So close, her muscles tensed, locked. The men reacted to the change with renewed vigor in the treatment they gave her. She peaked with a shuddering, uncontrolled cry. Her orgasm stretched with continued attention from Arden and Ben. But Julia still wanted more. She wanted to give more and take more. She wanted them to feel the all-encompassing need that she had just drowned in. She found Ben’s cock with her hand and gripped it hard. She pulled up on his shaft and palmed the full length of him to the tip and lingered there for a split second before she lowered her hand and grabbed at the base again. His considerable mass felt good in her hand, hard and needy yet soft as silk to the touch. “I want to taste you, Ben. Put your cock in my mouth.” In one quick move, he released her and turned her over so that she was face down on the mattress. The sudden absence of attention from both men had her crying out for them. “Get on your hands and knees,” Ben ordered with a voice that was as deep and low as rolling thunder. She was dazed, disoriented. Ben and Arden had changed places, and Arden was now standing in front of her with Ben behind. Large hands grabbed Julia’s hips and jerked her ass up in the air then ran two fingers up her wet center. Her response to the touch was immediate and intense. “Don’t tease,” she begged.

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Julia knew Ben’s need for her was illicit. His throbbing, hard cock couldn’t wait any longer even if his mind wanted to. He filled her welcoming, wet opening to the hilt, and she thought she was going to die from the sheer satisfaction of having him inside her. She was tight around him. The inside of her clung to him, hugged him. He stilled inside her for a moment, kneading her rear with both hands. Her tiny ass was wholly covered by the spread of his fingers. Once he regained his composure, Ben’s retreat and penetration of her was long and smooth from tip to hilt. She released a breath when he brushed the pad of his finger against the bud of her anus. He massaged her there, and Julia cried out in reaction. She wanted him there, and he obliged, penetrating her with his finger. Arden watched what Ben was doing behind Julia and then met her eyes. His erection was just inches from Julia’s head. The nice country-boy veneer had been shed, and he looked at her with pure desire. Julia lifted the top half of her body so only her knees were on the mattress. She pulled Arden closer to her, wrapping her left arm around him. She embraced him, snuggling her cheek on his abs. She took hold of the base of his cock with her right hand. She licked his soft mushroomed head, spiraling circles from the very tip around and around until the whole head filled her mouth. Arden grabbed her hair as she took him deeper into her mouth. She moaned against his cock and pumped her hand in sync with its deep penetration of her mouth. Ben continued to lazily enter and retreat. Her muscles clamped onto him without mercy. She could feel Ben close the gap between their bodies. He wrapped an arm around her waist and rested his cheek on her torso. Her skin was abraded under the prickly roughness of his face. He circled her body with his arm and lowered his hand until he found her clit. He slid his finger against it and moved over it in a blessedly consistent rhythm. He pressed and circled, pressed and circled, coaxing her closer and closer to orgasm, his cock entering and retreating harder and faster.


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Ben’s hand working her swollen bud was the final piece of the puzzle. Julia felt her climax begin to converge, gathering in intensity, trying to steal her total attention as it approached. She worked Arden faster, her mouth sucking and licking with ferocity while she moaned her own exquisite pleasure. She pumped her hand fiercely in unison with her mouth, as Arden tangled his hand in her hair. She was relentless, hungry for his cum in her mouth. Arden’s head rolled backward. He seemed unable to rein his pleasure in. She hungrily took him to the back of her throat. Her moans vibrated against him. Her hand cupped his balls. No longer able to stop himself, he released hot jets into her mouth. The warm saltiness of him hit the back of her throat as she swallowed against his cock. “Aahh, Julia. Yes, baby!” Arden shouted. A heartbeat after Arden released into her mouth, Julia’s pleasure overtook her. Her muscles froze. Her core clamped down on Ben. She floated for those few exquisite moments before she tumbled and shuddered, overwhelmed by her orgasm. Julia wailed with Arden’s cock still in her mouth and her core clenching Ben’s shaft hard. After a few more long strokes, Ben buried himself in her and came. “Oh, yes, kitten, clamp down on me. Oh fuck yeah, oh, Julia, yes.” She felt his climax, hot streams filling her, his hands grasping her hips, pulling her toward him as if he could get deeper inside her. As the furious sex slowed, sounds of their panting filled the room. Julia was spent. She released Arden from her clinch and lay on the mattress, eyes closed. Euphoria enveloped her mind and body. She lay between the men. There were no words exchanged, just soft kisses and brushes of fingertips on lips, stomach, thighs until Julia faded to sleep. ****

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The next morning, Julia woke up between the men, their warm bodies intertwined with hers and surrounding her as if they all were a litter of puppies. Julia instantly remembered the night before. Oh. My. God. It seemed as if her emotions had been waiting patiently for her to wake up so that they could start their upheaval. A battery of thoughts hammered her, fighting for her attention. Julia slithered away from Arden and Ben down toward the foot end of the bed until she was freed. She quickly put on her new sweatpants, one of the men’s oversized T-shirts, coat, running shoes, and gloves. She didn’t know where she was going. All she knew was that she needed some time alone. She needed to run. It had been some time since she’d put some miles behind her, and it was exactly what she needed to clear her head and sort out some feelings right now. Julia slipped out the back door and started running when she hit the road. They had planned this with each other—behind her back. They’d discussed taking her together without letting her in on the discussion. Had they tried to get her drunk first? Julia literally felt her anger rising and began running faster. Arrogant fucks. Didn’t they know her at all? Wouldn’t they know that she would want to be included in that discussion? Oh, yeah, Julia, and how was that going to go? “Hey, Julia, we want to both fuck you together. You could be our plaything, our toy. Okay?” She shook her head. That definitely wouldn’t have gone over well, and they knew it. She wouldn’t have agreed. But the surprise attack had worked well for them. So they decided to share like good little boys. Wouldn’t their moms be proud? Yeah, they shared her because they both have dicks, and every dick wants a warm place to go, not because they loved her. And, bottom line, she wanted them to love her.


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If they loved her they would have respected her enough to include her in this major decision, not prey on her vulnerability after missing them and worrying about them for the days they were gone. They knew she would cave. She was such an idiot. How could she have given in to temptation like that? It was self-destructive and self-centered. In the moment, it felt so good. Last night, she had felt like two men could love her and she could have it all. Stupid. They had worked out a way to keep what was important to them—their friendship—intact. Both men got what they wanted. She was just the woman, just the target of their plan. The odd man out. She didn’t belong. How could she have ever felt there would be anything more? Because you wanted it so badly. Yes. She did. But she wanted it the right way. She wanted them to love her. If she was just fucking to fuck, she needed to know. If she was making love, she needed to know that too. And that was really the crux, wasn’t it? She still didn’t know which it was. Last night, the total surrender and fulfillment she gave and received had felt like a precious gift. It was a gift she wanted so badly she hadn’t even hesitated when they started to touch her. Slowing down her run to a walk, Julia began to cry. “Why are you crying?” Julia snapped around and gasped when she saw the woman standing at the edge of the tree line a mere six feet away from her. Julia let out a breath. “Oh, you scared me to death!” “Sorry, I’m Ann. Are you Arden and Ben’s friend?” she asked while she scanned the road behind Julia as if to see if somebody was chasing her. Ann was easily identifiable as Amish by the way she dressed. She wore a white cap, a simple, black button-up wool coat, over a full, black skirt that fell to the ground. Despite her drab-as-shit clothing

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and scrubbed face, Ann was a stunner. She had golden hair and round, innocent green eyes. There was instant warmth that emanated from her. “Yes, my name’s Julia.” Ann walked up toward the white line of the road where Julia stood. “My family is your closest neighbor. We live just over that rise,” she said, pointing forward toward the slight hill in the road ahead. “Did you run all this way?” “Yes, I just needed to get away for a while.” They started walking together in the direction Ann had pointed. “Oh, I know the feeling. Winter just started, and I’m already trying to escape the house. I’m cooped up with the same people day after day, having the same conversations incessantly as if someday the words may actually change. Which, they never do,” she said, smiling at Julia. “So, you didn’t answer my question. Why were you crying?” Ann asked again. Julia hesitated at Ann’s question. She didn’t know much about the Amish, but she was pretty sure that this woman never had to work through this particular problem or sort out these types of torn-in-half feelings. Ann sensed Julia’s hesitation and continued, “In my experience, most women cry over love or loss. Sometimes both at the same time.” Julia glanced at Ann briefly before she spoke. “Love.” Ann nodded. “Love is never easy. There’s always pride, selfishness, jealousies, and fear that get into the mix and shake everything up. Plus, you got two men and one woman over there, and a pretty one at that. I’m sure they’re probably acting like idiots.” Julia looked at Ann, surprised. “What?” Ann said, returning her look. “Oh, I don’t know. I guess I expected you to be shy and quiet. It’s the Amish thing, stereotypes and all that.” Ann laughed. “Some stereotypes are true, but in my case, no.”


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As they crested the hill, Ann’s home came into view. It was similar in style to Arden’s but looked much larger. Smoke billowed out of the fireplace, and a wraparound porch wound its way around the corner and out of sight. The home was surrounded by acres of flat fields on both sides of the road. A large wooden barn that looked like it was a hundred years old if it was a day sat tilting precariously, farther away. A black buggy with a bright orange triangle affixed to the back rested in front of it. Snow started to fall in large, silent flakes around them. As Julia stood at the apex of the hill, looking at the scene spread out before her, the feeling of stepping into some surreal version of the world took over. It was like she had stepped into a movie. Julia and Ann walked and talked until they reached the farmhouse. Ann invited her in, but Julia felt uncomfortable and hesitant. Without warning, Ann grabbed her hand, said, “Come on,” and pulled her up the stairs into the house. The inside of the house was warm and welcoming, with a fire in the fireplace and lanterns lighting one large, open room. A few women were working in the kitchen area preparing food, and men of various ages were sitting in the open space next to the kitchen, quiet. Julia wondered if they were sitting quietly before she came in or if the group just clammed up when they entered. “This is Julia, the woman that Arden told you about, Papa.” Ann was looking at an older man who rose from his chair. “Nice to meet ya. I’m Samuel Yoder,” he said, nodding toward her. Julia smiled and nodded back, shyly. Julia noted to herself how much her personality changed while in the company of her neighbors. She had never felt so meek in all of her life. She sensed that if these people really knew the potty-mouthed, opinionated, wild-inside woman she was, they would not approve. Ann introduced her to all the people in the home. There were so many, the only ones Julia remembered for sure were Samuel and

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Rebecca, Ann’s parents. All the other people gave warm and friendly greetings, and then the women quickly returned back to work. Ann walked Julia over by the fire so that they could warm themselves. “It has started to snow outside,” Ann reported to her father. Samuel picked up his straight-backed wooden chair and set it down by the fire for Julia to sit in, then pulled over seats for himself and Ann. “How’d you get this far away from your farm?” he asked. “I jogged. I guess I just lost track of time. About how far away from there are we?” “Oh, I don’t know, ’bout seven miles.” Samuel continued, “It‘s goin’ to be a lot harder to get back home with the snow fallin’ now. But we should be able to give you a ride if it doesn’t get too deep.” “That would be great. I appreciate it.” “I passed your name on to my kin that traveled back over Pennsylvania way, like Arden asked me to. He promised me that if there was a way he could get the message that you were okay to your brother, he would find it.” “Arden is trying to find my brother?” Julia’s eyes filled with tears. “Yep. He didn’t tell you?” Samuel humphed. “He probably didn’t want to get your hopes up is all.” Julia nodded. “Does your…kin live near the National Guard station in Annville?” “Same county.” Julia sat silent for a moment. John could have already gotten a message that she was alive and know where she was. “Thank you so much, Mr. Yoder. You don’t know what that means to me.” Julia’s eyes started to water, and her throat started to close up. “It was no trouble, no trouble at all.” Samuel cleared his throat. “A woman alone needs to be with her family if she can.” Ann took Julia’s coat and invited her to stay for lunch. Knowing the value of food, she tried to refuse, but in the end, she stayed and ate


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with the huge family. During the meal, she talked with Ann, her mother, and sisters about her first attempts at canning, and they gave her tips on how to better some of her recipes. Julia brought up her dismal attempt at making soap. They laughed and nodded in knowing agreement. Since they had bought their soaps either from the store or from another Amish homestead across the county, they were no better at making it than she was. Julia asked about raising chickens, and the women said that, come spring, the chickens would go broody and try to hatch chicks. They told Julia that they would love to barter some chicks or some of the overabundance of wheat flour they had for corn. She learned that they had kin all the way from Minnesota to eastern Pennsylvania close to where John was, but they weren’t sure of their survival since many of the Amish would not kill another person to defend their homes from raiders. The conversation fell silent after that with just the sounds of the forks hitting plates and a palpable tenseness in the air. When the meal was over, she helped collect the plates with the other women, and then Ann pulled her over toward the fireplace again. “Please stay for just a little while longer. It’s been such a long time since I’ve had the chance to visit with somebody new.” Still angry, Julia agreed to stay, fully knowing that Arden and Ben would be up and worried about her. She would show them how it felt for others to make decisions without including them, and she wanted to piss them off. No, she wanted to hurt them so they knew how it felt to be played with. They could dish it out. Let’s see if they could take it. “Do you know how to crochet?” Ann asked Julia as she pulled out a scarf that she’d almost finished. “Yes, believe it or not, I do. My grandmother taught me when I was young. I haven’t done it in a while.” “Let’s see if it comes back to you.” She handed Julia a skein of navy-blue yarn and a crochet hook.

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Within a minute, Julia was crocheting without much effort or concentration at all. “I guess it’s like riding a bicycle. You never forget.” After spending another hour or so talking with Ann and crocheting, Julia sighed and announced that she had better go. There was already a couple of inches of snow on the ground, and it would be hard to get home if she waited any longer. Plus, Julia realized, she wasn’t that angry anymore. The diversion from the two at home and from all the thoughts bubbling inside her head had calmed her. Samuel called out to one of the younger boys across the room, “Amos, get the buggy to take Julia home.” With a nod, a scrawny boy, about the age of ten, put on his coat and donned his hat to get the buggy hooked up to the horse. With warm good-byes and thank-yous to everybody, Ann walked with Julia out the door to wait for Amos to pick Julia up. “You’re lucky. Any more snow and it would have been hard to get the buggy through it.” She smiled at Julia. “I’m so glad we met. Here, take this with you.” She handed Julia a brown paper bag. “What’s this?” She opened the bag and looked inside. The navyblue beginnings of her crocheted scarf with the hook and yarn were inside. “You’re going to need something to keep you busy. Winters can be long and boring.” “Thank you so much.” She hugged Ann. “Come back and visit me soon, please.” “You’re always welcome at our farm if you ever need to get away,” Julia said, remembering that Ann was doing just that when they’d met in the road. When Amos stopped the buggy in front of them, Julia climbed up into the seat next to him. He didn’t speak to her during the entire ride home, but she got the impression it was because he was shy and didn’t know what to say. Amos did fit her stereotype of the Amish, even if Ann didn’t.


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**** “Where the hell is she?” Ben yelled as he stormed in the kitchen door. He had frantically searched the whole property twice with no sign as to where Julia went. When he’d woken up, he had reached over to caress her, kiss her. She wasn’t there. He waited for a while and expected to hear her moving around in the kitchen or coming inside from the outhouse. She never did. When he’d gotten up to find her, she was gone. Snow was silently falling outside, but there were no tracks that could guide him to where she had gone. He woke up Arden shortly after. His desperation had grown every hour since then. “If anything happened to her, I’ll never forgive myself.” Ben paced the floor and rewound the night before again in his head. “She fell asleep happy, Arden. I’d bet my life on it.” Arden nodded in agreement. “I thought so, too.” He raked his hand through his hair and let out a big sigh. “We knew it was a risk, Ben.” “Yeah, but I didn’t think she would leave. We’ve got to find her.” “Ben, we’ve already searched the entire farm. She obviously doesn’t want to be found right now. She just needs some time to think things through. She’s a little scared I think. We all are a little bit, I guess. Nobody wants to get hurt here. We’ve had some time to process how you and I decided to handle this. She hasn’t.” Despite his calm words, Arden looked queasy and vacant. The position of the sun said it was at least noon, probably later. Ben knew she would come back, unless something happened that made her unable to. “The big question for me is what do we say to her when she gets back? She’s at best confused and, at worst, pissed as hell. I love her,

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Ben, and I know you love her, too. We have to tell her what she means to us—to us both.” “I think her absence sends a pretty loud message that this arrangement might be a problem for her,” Ben murmured. “If she says it’s a problem after we’ve told her how we feel and what we want, we know our solution. We created this mess. We have already decided how to fix it if this isn‘t what she wants.” “You’re right. We’ve been friends a long time.” Ben met Arden’s gaze and let out a deep breath. “I couldn’t bear to lose the woman I love and my best friend. We have to stick with our original plan. She loves us both, or we give it up. All or nothing.” They sat in silence, waiting for the solution, waiting for Julia. Arden looked at Ben with relief when he saw the buggy pull up and stop in front of the house. Julia jumped out and waved to the boy with the reigns and started up the drive, smiling. Ben’s mood shifted from worried and angry to just angry. Over the past hours, his anger had been kindling under the surface. Now, with Julia’s appearance safe and sound, the small smoldering fire suddenly flared to a roaring inferno. “Keep your mouth shut. I’ll handle this,” Arden said. “I don’t think so,” Ben said, pushing around Arden to get toward the back door.


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Chapter 14 When Julia walked into the kitchen, Ben stood only feet away with his hands on his hips. He looked at her with the stone-hard face of barely bridled anger. Only silence met her for a moment, and then the deep, thundering roar of Ben’s anger hit her with the force of a hurricane. “Where the fuck have you been?” he blared. “You had to know that we’d be worried sick about you.” And with the quickness of a bandit, Ben stole the calm Julia had found when she was gone. “I was pissed off, so I went for a run,” she spat back. “A run!” he yelled. “Did it occur to you that you could have let us know what you were doing before you left?” “Why should I? You guys planned what happened last night as if my feelings about what’s going on with all of us are irrelevant. It pissed me off! And, for your information, I don’t need to fucking tell you where I’m going. I don’t answer to you, either one of you.” Ben and Julia were rapidly closing the distance between each other. Arden stepped in between the two of them. “Easy, guys, let’s just calm down and talk about this.” “Screw you, Arden. I’m just as pissed off at you as at Ben!” Julia yelled. She realized that she was trapped in that kitchen with them. She felt the overwhelming need to run again. She wanted to hurt them. She wanted to send the message that she didn’t need them or care about what they thought so they would know how bad it felt.

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She felt near tears, and crying was the last thing she wanted to do in front of them. She needed to get out of there. She turned and walked back out the door into the cold winter air. “Oh no, you’re not going anywhere,” Ben said as he followed her out and scooped her up. “You’re going to come in, sit your ass down and listen to me.” “Bullshit! Take your hands off of me!” Julia screamed as loud as she could and tried to wrench herself free from his grasp. He grabbed her as if she were a two-year-old child having a temper tantrum and brought her back into the house. He sat her down on a kitchen chair and pointed at her. “Stay!” She crossed her arms and shot him a seething stare. “Bite me.” Then she looked down into her lap and closed her eyes. Arden sat next to Julia at the table, and Ben paced back and forth in front of the two with the table between them. “Julia, what exactly are you angry about, the fact that last night happened or that Ben and I talked about it without including you?” Julia tried to ignore Arden because now she was just feeling belligerent. “Answer him,” Ben ordered. After a lengthy silence, Julia said, “Both. I don’t want to be some toy that you can manipulate into doing whatever you want.” She shrugged. “The sex was good. I liked it, but being a sexual novelty for two men is not what I want for my life, no matter how different the world is now.” Arden took both of Julia’s hands in his. “Julia, you’re so much more to us than that. How do you not know that—feel that—by now? We both love you. “Okay, maybe it was wrong that we didn’t talk with you about having a relationship with us both, loving us both. But Ben and I didn’t keep it between us because we didn’t care how you felt about it. We did it because we knew how you felt, and we didn’t want you to say no just because it would feel weird to you at first or because


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you’d feel ashamed or judged if you openly agreed. So, we made the decision. The only thing you had to do was just let it happen, or not happen. Just accept us, our love, that’s all you had to do.” Silence stretched between them. Julia couldn’t reply. The knot in her throat was preventing her from doing anything except try to swallow it away. “You don’t love me,” she choked out. “We do love you. You’re everything to us. Please don’t run from us, kitten. You nearly killed Ben today,” he said, snickering. Julia sat shaking her head, processing what Arden was saying to her. It really all came down to trust. Could she trust him enough to believe what he was saying to her? Deep in her heart, she thought she could. “I’m sorry,” she said. “It’s just so fucking bizarre. I ran because I had to sort things out. I just don’t know how this is going to work. Even if I agree, how are you guys going to be able to…share…without jealousy or alpha male competition shit. It could destroy your friendship eventually, and I don’t want to be the reason that you guys aren’t friends anymore.” Ben stopped pacing and placed his palms down, fingers spread, on the table in front of him. He leaned over his hands, bringing his head closer to Julia. Hitting her with a burning stare, he growled. “How long is it going to take for you to trust us?” “It’s hard for me to trust!” she yelled. “I grew up having learned that I couldn’t trust the one man in my life I should have been able to trust the most. I don’t want to get hurt. I’m afraid that once you’re bored, once you know me inside and out, you won’t want me anymore.” “Don’t you think after all these months of living together we know you?” Ben yelled. He closed his eyes and shook his head. In a softer voice, he continued, “We do know you, Julia, and we love you and want to protect you and take care of you, together, the both of

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us.” Ben gestured between Arden and himself. “So, cut the fucking crap and just accept it as it’s given, honestly and without reservation.” Silence. “Okay, I’m sorry. I’m just…scared.” “Well, you should be, because when this conversation is over, which I think it almost is, you have a punishment coming the likes of which you’ve never seen before.” Julia felt a momentary flicker of mischievousness when her gaze met Ben’s, but she feigned indifference. She stood up. “Whatever.” Ben strode toward Julia, closing the distance between them in a split second. Suddenly, she found herself with a somewhat-pacified Ben directly in front of her and Arden standing directly behind her. They both stepped forward and enveloped her in a long clutch between them. They whispered to her how much they loved her, respected her, and that they would never abandon her. They gave her sweet kisses and caresses on her neck, hair, arms, and face. Just as she thought they were going to release her from their emotional hug, Ben growled in Julia’s ear. “Oh, you are in so much trouble.” Arden grabbed her wrists behind her and pushed her toward the kitchen wall. “Tell us what you want,” he rasped in her ear from behind. “I–I want you to–to love me.” “Who?” “I want you,” she breathed back. “Who?” “You…both.” Julia surrendered. She openly accepted both of them. Ben took off his shirt while Arden held Julia. The muscles of Ben’s broad shoulders and the expanse of his chest were pulsing with his movements and the rapid panting of his breath. He unzipped his pants and peeled his jeans off. Julia drank in the sight of his


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washboard abs and hard cock. She was starting to savor the familiar rush of wetness between her legs that Ben inspired. She perused his body with a want she had never before known. Ben yanked Julia’s sweatpants down her legs while Arden lifted her from around the waist to get her feet off the ground. In a perfectly choreographed move, Julia’s shoes, pants, and panties were complete stripped off her. Arden let go of her hands while Ben pulled her shirt off over her head. Julia, fully exposed, was handed over to Ben. He turned her face first to the wall, and pressed the entire length of her body against it. Grabbing both wrists, he held them above her head. “Don’t you ever scare me like that again,” he seethed into her ear as she felt his rock hard length press into the soft, round flesh of her ass. Pinning Julia’s wrists with one hand, Ben’s other hand went down between her legs, and with a crude motion, he parted her legs wide. “You should know, kitten, that when a person does something wrong, they have to take their punishment.” Julia groaned. “Yes.” Ben reached down between her legs and felt her welcoming wetness. “You want me there?” he teased as he floated his finger over her clit. “Yes, please!” “How about here?” He penetrated her anus with his finger. “Oh,” Julia cried out, “yes!” As Ben withdrew his finger, she cried out again. “Please!” “Please what?” Arden rumbled low in his throat as he rejoined them, now totally undressed. “Our hellcat here seems to enjoy having my finger in her ass,” Ben said. Suddenly, Arden pulled Julia’s hips away from the wall, while Ben was still holding her wrists captive above her head. Arden ran his fingers along her wet core and spread the creaminess up toward her rear. He lingered there and then penetrated that tight opening with his finger ever so slowly. He worked her there,

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stretching her while she squirmed beneath his fingers. Without warning, she felt his erection pressing against her small hole there. He worked his way into her. A little pressure and back, a little more pressure and back, again and again. “Arden!” Julia cried. Her head fell back as she whimpered his name again. Ben still held her wrists with one of his broad hands and used the other to grate her nipples with his palm. He kneaded and worked her breast and whispered in her ear. “Do you want more?” he asked while pinching a nipple between thumb and forefinger. “Yes,” she groaned softly. “What?” he barked. “I want more!” Arden’s cock was to the hilt inside her now, and as was her habit, she started to back herself into him, making sure she had everything. “No,” Ben ordered. Arden withdrew from her. “You don’t move,” Ben said, pressing Julia’s upper body flat against the wall with her hands still bound above her head. Ben’s hard, hot length pressed against her when he leaned into her. “Stop teasing me, you son of a bitch.” Julia’s words were razor sharp. Unexpectedly, Arden buried his cock into her rear again, and the unexpected pleasure and pain brought a gasp from Julia. He pumped his full length into her now as Ben’s free hand worked her throbbing, wet clit. “Oh, hell yes,” Julia responded as soon as his finger touched her there. “I think you like that too much.” Ben’s words rumbled through her as he pulled his finger away. “Oh, no. Don’t stop, please don’t stop!” she cried. “Are you going to run away from us again?” he asked as he tormented her once again with the rake of his finger.


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“No, no, no. I promise.” Arden’s strokes were becoming faster as Julia promised Ben that she wouldn’t run away, that she would be a good girl. She begged for his finger to touch her more. Her need had never been so strong. She wanted them to master her, to take her any way they wanted to. She wanted them to own her. Just as she was promising anything, Arden climaxed with a groaned curse. “Fuuucck!” He wasn’t pumping anymore, just feeling the tight clamp of her ass on his cock. Her begging words for more now included him. He leaned forward and laid his head and chest against her back for a fleeting moment then withdrew from her. “No! Arden, no,” Julia pleaded. “I’m sorry, Julia, but you were very bad,” Arden informed her with a chuckle. “No coming for you today, just us.” “You wouldn’t dare!” she seethed at him with a glare. “Uh-oh, Arden, Julia doesn’t look sorry for all the worry she put us through.” She heard Arden putting his clothes back on behind her. “No! Arden, help, please.” “I am going to help, Julia. I’m going to help Ben as soon as I get my pants back on.” “Oh you—” but Julia didn’t get to finish her thought. Ben picked her up and slung her over his shoulder for the few steps it took to get her to the wooden kitchen table. With his jeans back on, Arden joined them. Ben lay her down on her back with her ass at the edge of the table. He penetrated her immediately, his hard shaft splitting her. He picked her hips up with his massive hands and directed them where he wanted them to go, bringing her body toward his cock hard, then away. His arms did all the work. His body was still. He impaled her body as he wished, sometimes deeply, sometimes with an undulating motion. When he was completely inside of her, he teased her clit with a brush or a moment’s pressure.

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Arden took his post next to Julia, re-catching her wrists above her head and leaning down and biting her nipple. Julia squirmed and arched, trying to get as much of the two men as she could. Ben’s full attention returned to her clit, and mercifully, he rubbed her stroke for stroke with the same tempo of the enter and retreat of his cock. Julia’s body responded immediately. Her back arched, her muscles tightening with the sensations and the knowledge of her orgasm coming, coming. She felt Arden’s mouth on her nipples. Hands rubbed her, handled her everywhere. Hands, teeth, tongue, moist breath, roamed over her. She didn’t know who was doing what, and she didn’t care. Tremors started at the viselike clamp she had on Ben’s dick and ran up her spine. Her body overcome with sensation, her arousal peaked. She wailed as she climaxed. Her body shuddered out of control. The rest of the world melted away. Immediately, she felt Ben’s hot release surging inside of her as she drained him, held him, gripped him tight with the muscles of her pussy until they both were sated and panting. Arden let go of Julia’s hands and leaned over her listless body, kissing her softly on the lips. “I love you.” Ben came around to the other side of the table and also kissed her. “No more running,” he rumbled. “I love you too much to have something happen to you just because you’re being stubborn.” Julia looked up at her men, dazed. “We’ll see,” she said and meant it, too.


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Chapter 15 It was almost Christmas, and it was John’s second time back to the Army National Guard base since the EMP. Word of mouth and unofficial reports had spread over the months that the EMP had taken out most of the United States. There were rumors that far southeast Florida had not been affected. A truck from there had delivered food to a base nearby. The guardsmen were spread thin when they went out to try to preserve order in the larger cities and bury the dead that they found out in the open. It became apparent very quickly that they were outnumbered by desperate, hungry, and thirsty people who would do anything to save themselves. Riots and lawlessness broke out during the first two months. Many of his guard buddies had been killed for their rifles or the water canteens they carried. Ironically, it had been his responsibility to bury the men he had killed defending himself. Now, most of the survivors were hunkered down for winter, and public areas were relatively free of cadavers and a bit safer. During the last two months, he’d continued his clear, stack and bury duty. This time he went house to house, clearing the corpses of the people who had never left their homes, probably because they were too old, ill, or because they were killed there for the food they had. Underlying problems that he and his men had dealt with had been culling the massive amounts of wild and starving dogs that were once kept as family pets and helping the living that were left. He protected them when he could and shared what little information he had.

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John thought about trying to get to Julia but wouldn’t have known where to look even if he tried. They had talked about survival situations together, and his sister was smart. But if she was still alive, where she’d ended up would be pure speculation on his part. During the past two months of clear, stack, and bury duty, there was not much else to do but think. He did a lot of thinking about his big sister. More than once he wondered if there was another guardsman somewhere stacking her body. He knew their mom was probably beside herself with grief and worry since he was sure she was watching the tragedy of the U.S. attack and subsequent collapse on their TV in Italy. Their mom was a strong, independent woman. She had learned to be when their father took off to be with some slut he could fuck and get high with, leaving her and two kids behind. Mom had changed after that, and Julia had changed too. They were both hurt so badly by the abandonment that John had watched the two women in his life work together to build a wall of security around themselves. After John had finished school, their mother had finally run back home from the US to Italy. After some time, she met a nice man and got married again. But she always made it clear to both her children, this time she hadn’t married for love. She’d married for money. It was an open admission made with no shame or regret, and her tone always made it sound as if love was something distasteful that got stuck on the bottom of your shoe. The real tragedy, though, was Julia. Mom at least had had the love of her lifetime, even if it only lasted for eleven years, and she got two kids out of the deal. Julia had not. She built the wall of protection, and it had been completed before she even graduated from high school. And on the few occasions she would open a door and let a man enter, he ultimately turned out to be an idiot or an asshole.


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So, Julia turned out to be a punisher of men, so to speak, first facing off with drug dealers and gangbangers as a social worker for juvenile court and then moving on to the big time, dominating hundreds of hard cores in prison. But Julia had another side to her. She had always taken the time for him when there was nobody else around to do it. She was the one who would play Matchbox cars with him, put Band-Aids on his booboos and tuck him in at night when their mom worked all hours of the day and night. She met him at the bus stop, taught him his first swear word, and tortured his sad ass in ways only a sister could. She loved him unconditionally, and he loved her. Nobody who knew her today would ever suspect the person that lurked underneath that perfectly constructed barrier, except for him, of course. Happy memories of their childhood played like minisitcoms in his head and kept him entertained and sane through the monotony of his gruesome duties. **** Tony Paul had a message for John Costa. He had never met the man, but after six weeks of clear, stack, and bury duty, he was looking forward to meeting him. Tony was tired, dirty, and hungry, and he knew there would be little relief when he got back to the Guard Training Center. Resources were slim everywhere, even there. But he looked forward to handing over the message he got on the walk in. Good news was rare nowadays, and he was excited to be the one giving it. After asking around, he found John in the mess. He was typical Guard, brown, buzz cut hair, standard-issue pixelated camouflage, and boots. Tony could tell just by looking at him that he kept himself in good shape and, by the look on his face, that he was a man to be respected. He was eating the same small bowl of brown stuff that everybody else in the mess had on their plate.

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Tony walked up. “Excuse me, are you John Costa?” he asked. John looked up. “Yeah.” “My name is Tony.” He stuck his hand out to shake. John shook, then shot him a look of inquiry. “You need something?” “Do you know someone named Julia?” John’s heart suddenly hammered in his chest. He stood, meeting Tony eye to eye and focused on him with intensity. “Yes.” Tony handed John a creased and dirty piece of paper. John Costa National Guard - Annville Julia safe in Holmes County John read the piece of paper, twice. Relief flooded him. Holmes County. You can’t get any more rural than that. She’s living with the Amish. Thank God. It was as if a tight knot in John’s chest, one that he didn’t even know was there, loosened. Then, as if his chest and his throat were connected in some kind adverse reaction, John’s throat tightened. He swallowed hard a couple of times until he could speak. “Thanks, man…Thanks.” John’s words of gratitude were forced through an avalanche of emotion. “Get some food and join me.” John motioned to an empty chair across from him. When Tony returned with his food, he had barely gotten seated when John said, “Tell me how you got this”. “Well, sir, on my way back here, I was going through Lebanon. There were some Amish on the road in front of their farmhouse. They had a well and were refilling soldiers’ canteens. Anyway, one of the Amish men asked me if I was going to the National Guard Center in Annville. I told him I was. He got real excited and told me his family had been giving water to military for almost a week hoping they would come across a Guardsman goin’ in that direction. He told me


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how he was just back from visiting some kin in Ohio and was asked to pass along a message if he could. The message is for you.” After swapping strikingly similar stories with Tony about his duties since the EMP, John left. His mind raced. It would take some doing to get to Holmes County. He definitely wouldn’t be able to leave until spring, maybe later if he couldn’t get away from his Guard duties. He made his plans right away, searching maps and thinking of schemes. It didn’t matter what he had to do. He would leave to find Julia once the weather broke.

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Chapter 16 I’m happy. Julia’s chest tightened with emotion while she watched the two men she loved playing cards at the kitchen table. If anyone would have asked her a year ago if she could ride out the long winter cooped up with other people, without ripping their throats out, her answer would have been an unequivocal no. But here she was. Passing the short winter days and long nights was deliciously decadent. Her mood was so good and peaceful she wondered if the secret to the exact right brain chemistry was frequent orgasms. She was in love, but she felt like her happiness ran so much deeper. She trusted them. It had taken a long time to genuinely feel safe giving herself, heart and body, to the men. But now, looking back, she wondered why she had resisted this situation so long, and she thanked God that the two men would not let her run from them. There hadn’t been one single episode of jealousy or male posturing. None that she knew of anyways. Both men seemed as perfectly happy as she was. Her worry that the three-way relationship was weird and wouldn’t work faded with every passing day. It was working. Sometimes she felt like the luckiest woman alive. These two steaming-hot men loved her. And there was no one around to judge them or plant seeds of doubt. As she previously suspected, the two of them combined made the perfect man. The perfect sun-moon balance just like her tattoo. Arden and Julia spent many hours together with his guitar and her song lyrics. The result was sheer bliss for Julia. Her songs, the words that had so many different meanings for her, escaped Arden’s lips and hands. It was soothing and sexy. She could spend lifetimes humming


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the melodies for him so he could re-create them. Arden was her sensitive, romantic communicator. He stimulated her mind and body perfectly. Ben filled different needs for her. He was a man’s man. Sometimes gruff, usually sarcastic, but he was what Julia needed most of all from a man. He was dominant. He held his own against her and she fucking loved it. She had found somebody who would not back down from her strong personality. His attitude of complete ownership of her, which she had fought a lifetime to protect against, made her feel safe, not subordinate like she had thought it would. Ben’s smart-ass sense of humor kept her laughing, at herself and at them. He was endlessly coming up with new nicknames for her, sometimes based on her mood, but usually the name referenced some sexual innuendo or another. They ranged from Popsicle to creamy cheeks and everything in between. Ben found himself immensely amusing. Sex with the two filled her nights. Sometimes it was gentle and slow, others it was rough and urgent. But it was always good. She didn’t know when or how, but it was obvious that the two men had worked out an agreement of sorts. They almost always took her together, but if she had been with either one individually while the other was away, it was inevitable that the other man would seek her out individually soon after. She loved those times best of all. Their individual demonstrations and words of love toward her bound her to them just as sure as if someone had tied them together with a rope. As she watched Arden deal another hand, Julia thought back to her visit with Ann. She was so right. The winter was excruciatingly boring even with all of the distractions the men provided. Julia had already used up the yarn that Ann had given her, completing a scarf for all of them to use. It turned out nice, and she was proud of herself, even with the nagging and disturbing thought in the back of her mind that she was turning into some kind of June Cleaver.

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Now, she was looking at them playing cards but was also trying to read them. Julia knew something was brewing. She’d caught Arden and Ben whispering a few times in the last week. Ben disappeared for a while outside when it was really too cold to “get some air.” But Julia had learned that the two would eventually let her in on what was going on when they were ready. The three of them decided to celebrate Christmas later that day. They knew they were close as far as the date was concerned. Christmas this year was no longer about giving and getting gifts. It was more about counting blessings and giving thanks. When the men finished playing cards, Julia cooked a nice meal with Arden by her side talking with her and helping her when needed. The table was set, and they splurged on a candle placed between the triangle of place settings at the end of the table. They splurged on food, too, with fresh venison, potatoes, and applesauce made from some of the aging apples left in the root cellar on the menu. There was an air of holiday cheer as a light snow fell outside, and Arden played “Silent Night” and a few other carols on his guitar. They reminisced about Christmases past, ridiculous gifts, and favorite traditions. As the night wound down, Julia stood to start collecting the remnants of the meal and the dirty dishes and flatware. “Don’t go anywhere. You haven’t opened your present yet,” Ben said. He placed a hand-folded envelope of paper on the table in front of her. A ribbon of flannel was wrapped around the small paper pouch and tied into a bow. “This is from Arden and me.” Julia looked at Ben and then at Arden. “I didn’t get you anything,” she said, disappointed. “You give us everything,” Arden replied. Julia took the package and unwrapped the small gift. With the bow gone, the paper opened up, revealing a gold band. She looked up at the men, picking up the ring. “Your mom’s?” Julia whispered to Ben.


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He nodded and smiled at her. “Julia, we love you. We want you to be ours forever,” Arden said. He paused, looked at Ben and let Ben continue. “My mother wore this ring for over three decades, and it symbolized a truly wonderful marriage. We want you to have it. We want you to be our wife,” Ben said. “Getting legally married right now is impossible, and you wouldn’t be able to marry the both of us anyway, but we want you to know how much we love you. We want you to know we will never leave you, and when the time comes, we’ll make it legal with one of us. Right now, we are making a commitment to you, and hopefully, you to us. To be ours.” Julia was stunned, with one hand over her mouth and the other holding the ring. She didn’t have to think. There was no hesitation. Her previous reservations about what the three of them were doing, how it was going to work, were totally gone. “I’ll always be yours,” she said shakily. Ben stood and took the ring from Julia’s hand and placed it on her finger. It was a little large but stayed on her finger without falling off. The men embraced her, Ben in front and Arden in back. They both whispered, “I love you,” to her and held her. Ben stepped away from the embrace, and Arden picked Julia up and carried her to the living room. He kissed her then started removing her clothes as she helped him remove his. He took her hand and led her to the mattress where Ben joined them. They swarmed her body with their lips and hands. Julia closed her eyes and immersed herself in the pool of pleasure they were offering her. Her lips were being brushed with light kisses, her breasts caressed and licked. Hands swept between her legs like a whisper then disappeared as soon as they had come. This was what she loved about sex with both of her men at the same time. She could close her eyes and just feel. Lose herself to the sensations. They did everything. She didn’t have to think, just follow. Just submit. She was wet for them, panting and arching under their flurry of attention.

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Suddenly missing one of the men’s touches and kisses, she opened her eyes and followed Arden’s movement to the love seat. He sat reclining a little. His hard shaft jutted upward from his lap. He held it in his hand and caressed himself. “Come here, Julia, ride me,” he said as he leaned forward to motion her toward him. Julia’s stomach butterflied in response. This was something new. Ben took Julia’s hand and led her to her feet and over toward Arden. Julia climbed on top of Arden’s lap, one leg on either side. She positioned herself over his hardened crest and pierced herself on Arden’s cock. She took him quickly into her with a moan of pleasure. Arden placed his arms around her, stilling her and pulling her body flat to his chest. He stroked her back and hair while holding her in this intimate embrace. “If you want to stop, just tell me,” he whispered in her ear. She knew then what they wanted. They had never tried this before. Julia’s response to Arden’s whisper was a groan of need. “Ride me, Julia,” he said as he started moving her hips with his hands. They were chest to chest, Arden inside her to the hilt, her clit rubbing rhythmically against the base of his cock. Julia sensed Ben coming up behind her before he even touched her. He caressed his hand down the center of her back. She knew he was in no hurry. He just watched her and Arden lazily moving against each other. Ben found her small rear entry with his finger and rubbed teasingly before penetrating the tight little hole with his finger. Julia’s immediate push back, penetrating herself deeper onto his finger prompted a loud “yes,” from her lips. Ben added another finger to the penetration of her tiny, tight anus, and she rode Arden’s cock and Ben’s fingers slowly, relaxing a little. Ben worked his fingers, stretching her as she moved on them. Julia knew Ben had been working up to this in the past few months,


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trying to make her ready to receive his cock in her ass. She was ready, both physically and emotionally. She knew he would never hurt her. Ben removed his fingers to Julia’s immediate displeasure. She lifted her head from Arden’s chest and whimpered, “Ben,” but lowered her head again to Arden’s chest as she felt the base of Ben’s cock pressing against her opening. At once, she realized that she was the one in control of his penetration. She moved herself back and forth on Arden’s cock and slowly impaled herself on Ben’s engorged crest at her rear. In several gentle passes, Julia had backed herself onto the tip of Ben’s erection. She hissed as he slowly penetrated deeper, falling into a rhythm of his own, complementary to her every stroke over Arden’s cock. He slowly worked his way deeper inside of her. Her ass gripped him tight. She was right on the threshold between pleasure and pain. She was totally filled by both men. Stretched so tight, she stopped for a moment to catch her breath and absorb the pleasure and wickedness of the act. Both men stilled, waiting for her signal to know she was okay and ready. With her breathing heavy and her pussy grabbing Arden’s cock so tightly, she knew she was close to orgasm. The stimulation would quickly overcome her. “If I start moving, I’m going to come,” she whimpered. “That’s the idea,” Arden purred into her ear. Slowly, Julia began riding Arden again as Ben entered and retreated from behind. Julia’s pleasure was so extreme, all of her muscles clamped down, her body stiffened, and her ability to continue diminished. “Finish me, please, finish,” she cried, her whole body tensed and frozen in anticipation of her orgasm. The men took their cue, entering and retreating in perfect synchronization with each other. Both buried themselves to the hilt inside her over and over. Their groans pushed her over the edge. Her

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mind was delirious with pleasure. She drowned between her men. With total submission of mind and body, Julia rocked with an explosive orgasm. Her cries filled her ears. Her muscles were no longer in her control. Her fingernails dug crescents into Arden’s arms. She had never felt such complete fulfillment. Everything in her world was that moment. Nothing else would ever compare to the passion, love, and connection that seized her body, her sanity. This was the consummation of her union to these two men. Arden roared Julia’s name, announcing his climax. Julia felt the hot jets of his semen entering her and elongating the remains of her quivering orgasm. Arden and Julia finished their shuddering together, locked in each other’s arms, gripping desperately to each other as Ben’s last searing stroke into Julia’s rear found his orgasm. He came inside her with a growl in his chest. With his big hands on either side of her waist, he pulled her into him. His fingers dug into her flesh as he buried his cock deeper within her and cursed through his teeth as he rode out his release. When Ben finished, he leaned in and kissed Julia’s back and ran his tongue down it as he withdrew from her. She was limp and shaking. Arden lifted her off of him and laid her down on the mattress, covering her with the quilt. Her mind was not working right, as if she was dazed or half asleep. She rolled onto her side still panting and trying to recover from the sensuous assault on her body. Her attempt to recover swept her into a deep, happy sleep. **** Winter wore on endlessly, it seemed, and cabin fever gripped all of them. The men were going out hunting, hoping to bag a deer. Each gave her a kiss on the cheek when they left. Ben called out, “See ya later, Oreo.” It was yet another of what he considered genius nicknames. He started up with Oreo just that


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morning, because, he announced, Oreos were his favorite dessert. But she had a sneaking suspicion that he was referring to something else. It was the first time Julia had been alone in the house for over a week, and she was happy to be left alone with her thoughts. She really had no idea what day of the year it was, but she guessed it had to be at least mid- to late-February. She silently searched through her mind. It was fifty, maybe sixty days since the men had returned from the raid. That was also the last time she’d had her period. She still had all ten of the tampons that she had been so happy to discover when the guys got back. She hadn’t told her men when her birth control pills had run out. It had been dishonest of her. A lie of omission. But then again, they never asked. They had to know that, at some point, birth control was going to be an issue. Julia’s stomach twirled inside of her like a gymnast making a tumbling pass. She had to consciously try to slow her breathing and calm herself. She had always wanted to be a mom, so for her, it was a good thing, despite her quick pangs of fear when thinking about delivering a child in the farmhouse. But it would be different for Ben and Arden. They wouldn’t know whose child it was, at least not at first. Maybe, as it grew, the baby’s appearance would give away whose swimmer made it to the egg. But she was almost certain that, if they could easily tell whose child it was, it wouldn’t be right away. She wouldn’t be able to tell her child who their father was. Fear and panic welled up inside but only for a moment. Then, like a heat lamp being turned on inside her chest, she felt the warm glow of love and trust. She trusted Arden and Ben and knew, just as surely as the sun would come up tomorrow, that they would love and embrace the baby that was growing inside her. When Arden and Ben hadn’t returned for most of the day, she was sure that they had gotten their deer. Their habit now was to partially butcher the deer that they shot in the field where they dropped it because the animals were too large to carry home and butcher there.

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So, tonight they would have meat. Ughh, the thought of them butchering and her eating the meat began giving her the heaves. If there was any doubt that she was pregnant, this clinched it. As predicted, the men returned with deer steak, and the rest of the animal was in a secured cooler buried in the snow so it would keep as long as the weather held. She wanted to tell them about the baby as soon as they walked in through the door, but it didn’t feel right to just ambush them with the information. Then her stomach started flipping again. The gymnast was taking another pass across the mats. By the time the deer steaks and polenta had been cooked, Julia had deteriorated into an emotional mess. This sudden urge to cry had to be a hormone thing. She kept her head down so the men wouldn’t notice the blubbering mess she was becoming, but it was hard to escape Ben’s scrutiny. “You’re not eating, Oreo, what’s up?” he said with a shit-eating grin, still proud of the new moniker. Julia kept looking at her plate, swallowing the lump in her throat over and over. It’s now or never, Julia, tell them. “I’m pregnant,” she blurted out just as a tear escaped from overtop of an overfilled eyelid. The kitchen stilled for a heartbeat. She could feel the men meet each other’s gaze and knew their minds were whizzing through the same things she had thought about earlier. Arden broke the silence first. “Baby, why are you crying?” he asked as he stood up and pulled her out of her seat. Ben also stood and circled around the table toward them. “This is great news, Julia, don’t be upset.” They both hugged her, one in front and one behind like they always did. “I’m not upset. I’m just feeling…emotional.” “Oh, emotional. That’s Arden’s department.” Ben chuckled. “Ben, you’re such a moron,” Julia said with a half cry, half giggle. They both held her until she was shooing them away from her. “Considering my predicament, I think I’ve had enough skin-on-skin


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contact with you two. Sit down and finish your dinner. In fact, finish mine too. This food is making me gag.” “Uh, Oreo?” “Would you stop calling me that, you idiot!” Julia snapped. “Just how long do we have to look forward to this”—Ben air quoted with his two hands—“feeling emotional stuff.” She laughed again. “Hey, Ben, how’d you like Oreo to perform her first vasectomy on you tonight while you’re sleeping?” Arden burst out laughing. “Okay, okay, I’ll be good.” The men started eating again, and Julia shoved her plate in front of Ben like she always did. It was her unspoken way of saying, “here, garbage disposal, it’s all yours”. But this time, Ben pushed the plate back toward her. “Don’t think so. You need to eat.” Then he lifted his eyes to meet hers with a “don’t give me any shit” look. “All right, I’ll do my best,” she said as she rolled her eyes at him. They spent the rest of the night carefully skirting around the elephant in the room. Nobody brought up the topic of the baby’s paternity or who was going to deliver this baby when the time came. For the moment they were all content to fill the night with new hopes for their future.

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Chapter 17 The frozen outdoors began its thaw, and planting discussion and plans started soon after. They took stock of the seeds they had collected from the previous year, but there were several vegetables that Arden didn’t have in his garden last year that Julia would have liked to plant, specifically eggplant and several varieties of peppers. Julia wanted to take a jog and visit Ann to see about bartering for some seeds and maybe feeling her out about getting help with the delivery of the baby when it came time. But both Ben and Arden were adamant that it was not safe, which was just as well, because she wasn’t sure she should do any running now that she was pregnant anyway. When Samuel and Ann pulled up with their buggy several weeks later, Julia was relieved to see her. Samuel had brought four baby chicks with him. It was a generous gift. In return, Arden gave him a large bag of corn seed for their garden, and they set off together talking about other possible seed trades and coop construction for the chickens. Ann and Julia sat on the back porch swing with the warm spring sun slanting in on them. “I made the nicest scarf with the skein of yarn you gave me. We used it practically every day,” Julia said. “I would give you more, but we’re out of the store-bought stuff. Papa is going to try to barter with an alpaca farmer that lives about ten miles down the road from our farm. Alpacas give good, clean wool, and my mother knows how to process and spin it into usable yarn.”


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“If you could spare some, I’ll ask Ben and Arden what we could barter to get some for me.” Ann nodded. “That shouldn’t be a problem. It will be a while though. It’s a long process, and there’s lots of work around the farm. In the spring, planting takes priority.” They sat in comfortable quiet for a moment while Julia tried to figure out a way to ask for help in her delivery. She was uncomfortable asking Ann after only meeting her twice. The words came out in a rush, as if said faster they’d be easier to say and to hear. “Ann? Uh, I was wondering if you or your mom might be able to help me. I’m going to have a baby sometime in the fall. If things haven’t changed by then, which I don’t think they will, Arden and Ben aren’t going to know what to do.” “Do you know how far along you are?” Ann asked, still looking out toward the fields. She looked wistful and a little sad and seemed to purposely avoid eye contact with Julia. “I think three months, but I don’t even know what date it is.” “It’s April second today. That would place your delivery date around…the beginning of September. Next time, Julia,” Ann said with a smile, “try not to get pregnant around the beginning of the year because the baby comes at harvest time, and it’s hard to get everything done if you have a newborn to take care of.” Julia thought back to the previous fall. She was busy mostly canning and drying food, and Ann was right. She was going to be very busy. “We deliver all of our babies at home, so we can help you when the time comes.” Julia let out a relieved sigh. “Oh, Ann, thank you so much. You don’t know what a relief that is for me.” Looking over toward the men standing at the edge of the field, she reassured Julia. “Don’t worry. We’re not going to leave you with two corn farmers to deliver that child. By the way, who is the father? If you don’t mind me asking.”

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It had been so long since Julia had to worry about what other people’s opinion of her was, but apparently the anxiety associated with being judged never went away. She felt…she didn‘t know. Embarrassed? Ashamed? “I don’t know who the father is,” she said, looking at her lap and waiting to be condemned by this, no doubt, sinless woman. Ann was quiet for a long time. “Don’t worry, Julia. It’s not my place to judge. But it would probably be best if I came without my mother for the birth. That way you’ll not be scrutinized during a time when you have other things to worry about.” Julia smiled, relieved. “Thank you, Ann, for everything.” Samuel was on his way toward the back porch. “Ya ready, Ann?” Ann said her good-bye to Julia and gave her a hug. “I’ll be back to visit soon, probably after all the planting is done. We’ll make arrangements for the birth then.” Julia, Arden, and Ben walked them back to the buggy and waved good-bye, listening to the clip-clop of horses hooves fade as they made their way in the direction they had come. “So, we’ve got chickens now,” Arden said, “but sorry, Julia, no eggplant seeds.” “Beggars can’t be choosers,” she said with a shrug. “Besides, I talked with Ann about what I really needed. She said that she would come when it was time to deliver the baby.” “Good,” Ben said. “I might have gotten traumatized having to be on the catching end of that situation.” “Well, nobody wants you to get traumatized, Ben,” Arden said, rolling his eyes and shaking his head. “Hey,” Arden called over his shoulder, “why don’t you guys go for a walk and enjoy what’s left of this nice weather? I’ll get some dinner going.” ****


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Ben was more than happy to stroll with Julia on the path that skirted the back of the farm, soaking up the warm sun and breathing in the fresh scents of spring. He caught her hand in his and brought it up to his lips. “I love you,” he breathed before brushing his lips softly on her hand. “You have made me so happy. Our life together, my relationship with you, it’s more than I could have ever asked for.” He pulled her close. “You’re so beautiful with your tiny little round belly. I can’t wait to see you as big as a house. I can’t wait for our baby.” “I thought Arden was supposed to be the sensitive one,” Julia teased. He tilted her chin up so that he could meet her eyes. “You know I like to ruffle your feathers, nibble nugget,” he said with a smile. “To keep things fun. But I want you to know, with no doubts, how I feel about you. How I feel about the baby you’re carrying. I love you both. Period. It doesn’t matter to me who the father is. It will never make any difference to me, and I could never love the two of you any more than I already do.” He leaned over and kissed her. “I just wanted you to know that.” Ben pulled her close. He ran his hands from the nape of her neck slowly down to the small of her back. As he kissed her again, his erection grew between them. “I want you, Julia, now. Just us.” Julia clung to him in response. They easily found a grassy area that was bathed in the afternoon sunlight. Ben led Julia there, and they lay down next to each other, face to face. He tenderly waved a strand of hair away from her face. “So beautiful,” he said, smiling. “Turn onto your back. I want to touch your belly.” As Julia turned, Ben’s large hand found the barelythere, soft mound underneath her shirt. It lay there for a long time. “I keep wanting to feel the baby move.” “Soon.”

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He began caressing her gently, whispering his love for her in her ear. His caresses lowered until he slipped his hand under the waistband of her sweats. When his hand cupped between her legs, he felt her slick greeting for him and groaned his approval. He massaged and explored then dipped into her with one, then two fingers, putting pressure on her clit with the heel of his hand. With a shaky breath, he withdrew his hand and undressed Julia adoringly, then himself. Nudging her knees open so he could kneel between them, he looked her up and down. “Perfect.” With her sensual look, slightly parted, moist lips, and erect nipples, Ben thought she was absolutely perfect. He lay over her, placing his left palm under her head while carrying his own weight on his elbow and forearm. He ran his other hand slowly up and down her body, stopping gently at a nipple or curve to give it special attention. His hardness was bumping up against her, right where it needed to be. But he was in no hurry. He was savoring her. He had her all to himself, and he was cherishing every loving look, panted breath, and curve of her body. When he was satisfied that he’d touched, licked or bitten every important part, he entered her slowly, enjoying the slow advance of his penetration. They were connected. “Mmm, you feel good,” Julia whispered. She looked at him with pure love in her eyes. This woman melted him. He had no defenses. She was his weakness. He made love to her lazily. No rush. This time he had her to himself, and he was going to cherish every instant. Ben saw Julia’s pleasure from his steady, long strokes begin to build immediately. He paused ever so slightly when he was completely inside her so that he could change direction, brushing the base of his cock upward to rub her clit before retreating again. The sensations were devastating. Her body was open to every inch of him. The tautness of their bodies grew as anticipation of their nearing orgasms increased.


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**** Ben’s smoldering gaze never left hers. It was good. She didn’t want it to. Julia felt like she was no longer feeling him, but more like experiencing him. His eyes continued their physical connection with her. They weren’t burning with desire, eating her up like they sometimes did. Instead, she saw his soul. Tender. Loving. Hers. His strokes grew faster and more urgent with Julia on the edge of orgasm for several strokes, building and building. She arched and writhed toward him. It was agony and ecstasy at the same time. “Come with me,” he murmured. His eyes still locked with hers, his hot breath wisped over her skin. Finally, an all-consuming orgasm hit her body like a tidal wave. She yelled out his name. Her muscles clamped down hard on his cock as she lost herself in her own gratification. Ben coaxed every second of orgasm out of her while he released inside of her, hot jets stroking her insides. There were no jokes, smart comments, or stupid nicknames. It seemed to her that, for Ben, this was more than just making love. This was about his giving, and her acceptance of, his proclamation of love and devotion to her and the baby. The sun was starting to set when Ben and Julia returned to the house. Arden met them with a smile. “Food’s ready.” Julia didn’t feel bad about the intimate moments she’d just had with Ben. She knew that Arden would come to her before long.

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Chapter 18 Spring had broken, and John was out patrolling, sometimes doing check, stack, and bury duty, other times just maintaining a presence in a specific area that might have trouble. The few people that lived through the winter seemed to trust the military uniforms. They always came out, offered water, and asked for news. John didn’t really have news to give them. Even nine months after the EMP, communication was nonexistent. Since the weather had turned nice, and it was late enough in the year that a freak snowstorm wouldn’t blow through and surprise him, John decided it was time to find Julia. Technically, he would be AWOL when he walked away from his assignment. But there was really no choice. He had to go and make sure she was all right. He would deal with any consequences of leaving when he returned. He prepared to leave the following morning. He had mapped the most direct route to Holmes County. It was over three hundred miles away. John hoped that he would be able to hitch rides with the Amish from time to time, but he knew he’d probably be walking most of it. The irony of this expedition was that Julia may have more food and water availability than he could offer her if he brought her back with him. But he had to make sure. Packed up with his weapon, canteen, and survival kit, he walked away from his patrol and set off to find Julia. ****


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The planting was finished, and spring rapidly bloomed into summer. They had filled an acre with every variety of seed they had and another acre with corn in hopes they could barter with the Amish for wheat or other supplies. Now, they were in the midst of a lull of activity. Julia enjoyed the shade of the porch and watched Arden and Ben talk with each other at the edge of the field. Their conversation was animated, not laid back as per their usual conversations. Actually, Ben looked livid. A string of his red-faced curses closed the distance between Julia and the men. She wondered what had Ben’s panties in such a bunch. Don’t get him too mad, Arden. He’s going to pull that pistol out of his waistband and shoot your ass. After what looked like Ben giving in to Arden’s side of the conversation, the men walked toward the house. Ben walked past Julia, laughing. He patted her belly. “Hey, baby’s mama.” Then he continued inside. Arden sat with Julia on the swing. “Uh oh, looks like you drew the short straw,” Julia said with a smile as Arden sat next to her. He looked at Julia and took her hand. She was suddenly wary, knowing by the look on his face that whatever he was going to say to her was not good. “We have to leave for another raiding trip.” Julia was quiet for a long time, her mind working. “No. No, Arden. You can’t leave me here by myself. I’m having a baby.” “We have to. We have to go now because of the baby.” “No, you can’t leave me here alone. What if something happens to you? I’ll be here alone forever. You can’t both go!” Julia started to yell with her rising hysteria. “Julia, you’ve been here alone before, and we will only be gone three or four days this time, promise.” She stood. “No!” she screamed back at him, her hands clenched into fists.

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Ben must have heard her from the kitchen because he exited the back door and joined them. Julia looked from Arden then to Ben. She was devastated. “No! It was different then. If something happened to you guys, I only had to take care of myself. And if something happened to me, then it was just me that was hurt or dead. It wouldn’t have mattered much to anybody else.” Arden took a step toward her, “It will be okay—” “No!” she yelled and then turned to get away from them. She needed time to let this sink in. They were leaving her. They could be leaving her forever. “I trusted you. I trusted you guys.” Tears were welling up in her eyes. “I should have never trusted you!” she screamed, her face flush with anger. In defeat, she sobbed, barely able to take in dragging breaths. They were going to leave her here. If they loved her, they wouldn’t do that. They wouldn’t leave her by herself. What if they didn’t come back? She and the baby, all by themselves… She was hyperventilating. She couldn’t get enough air between sobs. She bent over and put her hand on her knees, alternately crying and sucking in big breaths of air. Both men tried to approach her to hold her, but she twisted herself away from them. Her body revolted against her. She vomited on the ground between large, racking sobs. “Okay, that’s enough, dammit!” Ben stomped over to Julia, picked her up, brought her in the house, up the stairs, and lay her down on her bed. “Now calm down!” he said, pointing at her. Then turned around and left, slamming the door. **** “That woman’s going to be the end of me,” he mumbled as he stomped back down the stairs.


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“What? You just left her up there?” Arden asked. “She needed to calm down and us hovering around her wasn’t going to accomplish that.” “What do you think?” Arden asked. “Should we still go? Stick with our original plan? She’s totally freaked.” “We don’t have much of a choice, but we need to make it as quick and painless as possible for her.” **** Quite a while later, Julia reluctantly drug herself out of bed. She checked herself in a mirror. Her eyes were red and swollen. She probably would have stayed in that bedroom all night in protest of their leaving. But her body betrayed her. She had to pee. She ignored the two men as she passed through the kitchen and walked outside to the outhouse. When she came back inside, Arden took Julia into his arms and whispered soft assurances to her. He told her sweet lies that he could not possibly promise her. The fact was, no matter how many times he told her it was going to be okay, he didn’t know that for sure. Nobody did. When Arden released her, Julia looked at Ben. It dawned on her that this was what he was arguing with Arden about. He didn’t want to leave her. In fact, he looked absolutely miserable. She went over and sat on his lap. “Sorry, I kinda lost it a little.” He nodded but didn’t say anything. After Julia had settled, they wasted no time compiling a list. It was mostly baby things, something to use as diapers, safety pins, baby bottles, and baby clothes. They also listed the staples that could always be of good use—candles, matches, salt, and canning supplies. The men planned to head out the same direction they had last time, hoping to find much of the needed materials at the Salvation Army. This time they were bringing a crowbar with them, hoping they

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would be able to break open the metal gate secured in front of the entrance door. By the time the men were well planned and packed to go, Julia had internally strengthened herself so as to not let them know that she was still upset. Before they left, they held her and told her how much they loved her and the baby. They held her gently in their arms for a long time. She stood stiff and dry-eyed, heartbroken. She handled the good-byes with strength and grace. With last minute reminders about the pistol they’d left her and the hidden root cellar at Ben’s farm, they set out together. Julia watched, ironically noting that the woman who fearlessly commanded hundreds of inmates less than a year before was afraid to be alone. Julia tried to keep busy by stitching a tiny shirt for the baby but was feeling fidgety. She thought about the root cellar at the next farm over. The doors lay flush to the ground, camouflaged by brush, wood chips, and kindling, as if that were the place the firewood had been cut and split. She wondered if she would be able to move the stuff hiding the doors or even lift the doors by herself. She grabbed the pistol that was to be her constant companion over the next four days and headed over to Ben’s burnt-out homestead. She wasn’t just curious about being able to open the door. She also wanted to check out what was down there. She knew it was stocked, but stocked with what? Now that was an interesting question. It was a hot day, and halfway there, Julia wished she’d made the trip a little later when the sun was lower in the sky. She was hot and thirsty by the time she got there. But she felt better just being away from the farm. In a weird way, Ben’s property was probably safer, with the main house being burned to the ground. People looking for food or supplies wouldn’t even bother to make the walk from the road. When she got to the root cellar, she surveyed the area to find the handles that had been carefully concealed under some large pieces of bark and kindling wood. The dead brush used as camouflage was


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carefully positioned to cover only one of the two doors, so the brush wouldn’t have to be moved in order to make it down into the cellar. She hefted the door open and guided it through its arc until it rested on the complete opposite side of its hinge. The cool air wafting up from the hole in the ground felt like standing in front of the refrigerator on a hot day—Mother Nature’s air-conditioning. Julia eyed the stairs that sank into the hole. Being very careful, she took the first two stairs, steadying herself with her hands flush to the ground on both sides of the entry. She looked for a handrail but couldn’t see one. With her good judgment getting the best of her, she decided that she wasn’t willing to risk walking into a pitch-dark hole in the ground for no reason. She turned around to walk back up the stairs. Abruptly, the wood step beneath her feet snapped with a crack, instantly dropping her weight. Julia’s body fell backwards down the stairs at full force. Her head bounced off the edge of the bottom step. The sharp stabs of pain that shot through her head and leg as she landed was brutal, but mercifully, unconsciousness descended on her quickly.

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Chapter 19 Julia regained consciousness in the dark. It was nighttime. Shit, I’ve been here the whole day. Her left foot was caught up on something near the top of the stairs. Her head lay on the edge of the last step. The regular beat of her heart pounded through it. She raised her arm to touch the area that hurt the most and felt a wide gash, a horizontal stair imprint across the back of her head. Her hair was wet and matted with blood. She touched her belly as if to see if she was still pregnant. Even if her body wanted to miscarry, she doubted it would while she was hanging upside down. Julia raised her head, attempting to see what her foot was caught up on. She couldn’t. It was too dark. She tried pulling it away and was met with excruciating pain in her ankle. She tried again, and the pain won the tug of war, pulling her into a deep blackness again. It was daylight the next time she came to. She felt the back of her head again. It was drier and crusty in spots. Then, she raised her head to look at her caught foot. The top of her shoe was caught up behind the broken step. Julia turned her foot to the left so that the toe of her shoe could clear the back of the stair to release her. The pain hit her immediately, but she did not stop until the shoe was free from behind the step. With nothing holding her in place, her body slithered toward the cool, hard-packed earth at the bottom of the stairs. It took a lot of effort to control the movement enough that she wouldn’t just fall in on herself. She carefully backed the top part of her body away from


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the stairs as the rest of her followed. With the movement, her stomach started rolling, and she heaved as if to vomit, but nothing came. Julia rolled onto her side and balled herself up. She rested with her eyes closed and waited for her heartbeat to even and her breathing to steady. Her ears were ringing, and her skin was moist and clammy. When she opened her eyes, she got a good look at the blood pool from her head. It was sizeable, but she told herself it probably looked bigger than it really was because of her body’s slide away from the stairs. Julia tried to sit up. Her head swam, and she felt like she was going to pass out. She lay back down on her side. That felt much better. She rubbed her belly for a while, and then she slid her hand inside the waistband of her pants and panties and felt around. It didn’t feel wet. She pulled her hand out and looked. No blood. With a sigh of relief, Julia closed her eyes again and rested. She knew that she shouldn’t fall asleep. Doctors on TV always said not to fall asleep to people with a head injuries. Taking your medical advice from Grey’s Anatomy now, Julia? To get a look at what was behind her, Julia rolled over to her other side. She groaned in pain. Her back hurt from top to bottom. Once she made it completely around, she opened her eyes. The room was stocked from floor to ceiling with canned food, hunting rifles, fishing poles, a kerosene generator, and some Rubbermaid totes. No water. Her mouth was dry. She needed something to drink. She scanned again. On a bottom shelf, farther toward the back of the room, were three mason jars of canned pears in water. No standing, no can opener needed. Yes. Julia gathered her strength to move her body toward her goal. She was tired. Rest for a minute. As she lay there, she felt her baby whirl and kick inside of her. She smiled. Everything was going to be okay. She tried to move her

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body on her hands and knees toward the pears. Head pounding and spinning, stomach nauseated, she forced herself to get there. She grabbed a glass jar and collapsed down on her side, hugging the jar to her chest. After a few minutes, Julia righted the jar and easily unscrewed the outside ring. But she couldn’t pry off the lid that was suctioned to the top of the jar. She tried several more times, then with a curse, set that jar aside. She grabbed another jar and did the same. This time the round seal released with a slight hiss-pop. Julia propped herself up on an elbow and drank the sweet syrup surrounding the pears, then stuck two fingers into the jar to grab one. Even though she wasn’t hungry, she knew she had to get some nutrition in her for the baby. She lay back down and felt a lot better about her situation. She had already been down there for at least a day. Arden promised they would be gone no more than four days. Many, many times over the past months, they had told her to trust them. She hoped she could. The roiling in her stomach increased after she drank and ate the pieces of pear, and she felt her mouth watering. She kept swallowing and swallowing, and took in long breaths of air through her nose, trying to hold down the food and liquid that was fighting its way back up. Rolling over to her side and raising herself up on one elbow, she vomited the contents of her stomach next to the open jar of pears. She heaved again and again, even though the contents of her stomach had been emptied onto the floor in full. A mist of sweat covered her body. It was cool down there. She shouldn’t be sweating. When, at last, her stomach stopped heaving, Julia lay back on her side, curled in a ball. Julia was bombarded with emotions. She was pissed at herself. She was desperate for her baby, and she was scared that she had just made the biggest mistake of her life. How ironic that they all worried about somebody coming to the farm and hurting her. Shit, she didn’t need that. She’d just do it herself.


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Somehow she knew, always knew, that this was too good to be true—being happy, in love, having a family. Subconsciously, she had been waiting for the other shoe to fall. Somehow she always thought it would be that her men would lose interest and not love her anymore. Or maybe they would just never come home. She never dreamed that she would do something stupid enough to hurt herself— that separation from her men would be due to her own big fuckup. Julia started singing to herself as a way to stay awake and pass time. James Taylor’s “You’ve Got a Friend” was the only song her brain could grab onto. She couldn’t think of anything else. She just kept repeating, repeating, and repeating until she’d sung herself to sleep. **** Julia woke up with her teeth chattering. It was sort of half-light outside, and she couldn’t tell if it was dusk or dawn. She rolled onto her back slowly. She felt stiff, but maybe her ankle was feeling a little better. She decided that she would eat some pears and drink the rest of the liquid in the jar. Then she would try to sit, and when sitting was okay, she would stand. She slowly ate one piece of pear and drank the liquid, then waited. Her stomach seemed to hold onto it okay, but she couldn’t stop her teeth from chattering, and since she’d sat up, she was getting clammy again. She definitely felt better lying down. Julia forced another pear into her and decided she would try standing up. She rolled to her hands and knees and tried to climb her way to vertical, using the shelves on the walls to hold onto. She was dizzy and sick to her stomach but made it upright on her good ankle. She put more weight onto the hurt side and immediately knew she would not be able to walk back to the house with it, even if the rest of her body cooperated, which it wasn’t.

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Since she was upright, she quickly looked around and saw a camouflage hunting jacket on a hook in the corner near all the guns and other hunting stuff. She got back on all fours and crawled to that corner, then pulled herself up again, unhooked the jacket and fell to the floor. Julia rolled back into a ball and covered herself with the jacket. By the time she covered herself up, she realized that it was sunrise, and not sunset, that she woke up to. She thanked God that the temperature would probably go up once the sun was up. Was this day two or day three? She honestly couldn’t figure out how long she’d been there. Trying to feel the baby, Julia lay still for a very long time Nothing. She began circling her stomach with her hand and started to sing again. As before, it was the same song over and over. The words were her companion. She imagined Arden playing it on his guitar and singing to her. But the baby did not move. She checked her panties for blood again. None. She realized that she hadn’t had to go to the bathroom the entire time she had been down there. However long that was. She needed to eat and drink more. She scooted over to the last glass jar of pears, opened it, and drank a few more swallows. She ate another piece of pear and lay back down. Julia lay, rubbing her belly and begged the baby to move for her. Move, please move. She felt so ashamed—guilty for the danger she had put her baby in I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Move for me, please. Please. She fought to stay awake as long as she could, but lost the battle quickly.


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Chapter 20 Arden and Ben were on their way back. Ben was satisfied. By the time they got to the farm, it would be within the three to four day schedule they had promised Julia. They’d been extremely lucky, finding much of what was on their list. That little strip mall where they’d raided the Salvation Army turned out to be a gold mine. They got plenty of baby clothes and plenty of adult items that could be cut down and made into diapers. They had broken into a day care center and hit the mother lode of nursery supplies, and one of the classrooms had a cache of instant coffee, powdered creamer, and sugar. The men filled a shopping cart to the brim. They were more than satisfied with their finds. All in all, they’d done well. Even though the men were tired, they were only a few more hours away from home, and both wanted nothing more than to climb into bed with Julia and sleep tomorrow away. As they walked, they talked about the baby feeling more real now that they had some supplies for it. And both men confessed that they would probably prefer a son, but as long as it was healthy, it didn’t really matter that much. “I’d like to have a lot more. But I’m not so sure Julia will be that thrilled about the idea,” Arden said with a snicker. “I wouldn’t be surprised if she didn’t let us anywhere near her anymore.” “We should have put condoms on the raid list,” Arden said. “To be honest, I’m a little worried about the whole delivery and having a newborn baby with no medical backup,” Ben said as he locked eyes with Arden. The fear in both men’s hearts was confirmed, but the rest went unspoken.

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It was the middle of the night when they finally reached home. They walked around the house and up the porch stairs. The screen door was closed, but the regular door was open. The men looked at each other. Julia would never leave herself that vulnerable while she was sleeping. She knew better. The men dropped their backpacks and palmed their guns. Ben went into the house first. Arden was right behind him. They quickly scanned the dark kitchen and family room. Nothing. They ran up the stairs to her bedroom. Nothing again. “Fuck! She’s not here,” Ben spat. They called out her name a few times. No answer. “Maybe she’s in the outhouse. It would also explain why the back door was open.” They walked back down to the kitchen together. “I’ll go check.” Arden strode out the back door and around the corner of the house. “Julia?” he called, knocking softly on the door. No answer. He opened the door and quickly ran back to the house. “She’s not there.” They both walked outside and surveyed the property. “You think she’s at the root cellar? Maybe she saw someone and went to hide.” Both men strode at a quick clip over to Ben’s farm. They got to the root cellar and saw the door open. “Oh, God,” Arden said, running over and calling inside the pitchblack, cavernous hole. “Julia? Are you down there?” He got no answer. “I’ll go down and feel around, just to make sure,” Ben said. He started to descend the stairs and almost fell on his face, “Shit!” The second step was not where it was supposed to be. “What?” “The step is broken. Julia, Julia are you down here?”


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Ben felt around and kicked over something with his foot. His next step landed on something. He stepped back and felt with his hands. His chest clenched in panic. It was her. “Arden, she’s down here. I’ll carry her up as soon as I can figure out what’s what.” Ben felt around and found Julia’s head. “Oh fuck, Arden, this is bad!” He lifted her limp body and carefully tried to find his way to the first step. Once he found it, he was up in a flash. The night was dark, with no moonlight showing through the heavy layer of clouds. “Let’s just get her home where we can get some light on her.” Ben cradled Julia in his arms and walked toward the house. Arden closed the cellar door and took the extra time to hide the handle. “I’m going on ahead to get things ready for her,” Arden said as he passed Ben on the way back. Ben comforted Julia’s unconscious form as he closed the distance to the house. “I got you, kitten. It’s going to be okay. I got you.” When Ben made it to the farmhouse, he carried Julia upstairs and laid her on the bed. Arden had lit candles in their bedroom. Sheets and towels were stacked in a neat pile on the bed. A pitcher of water and a glass were on the bedside table. Ben shook his head. They were so flimsy on medical supplies. They should have looked harder for antibiotics. In the candlelight, they looked her over. Arden rolled her onto her side and found the four-inch gash on the back of her head. It was already healing. “Shit, Ben, this is days old. She’s been down there for days! Oh, fuck, Ben, this is all my fault.” Ben stood grinding his teeth, watching Arden break down. He knelt next to Julia’s broken body on the bed, rubbing her hair away from her face and repeating the same thing over and over again. “I’m so sorry, Julia, so sorry.” Ben cut in on the guilt trip Arden was wallowing in. “We need to clean that up really well. If it gets infected, she’s in big trouble. We have to do it now, Arden,” Ben said forcefully.

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“How? Her head is totally crusted in blood.” Arden seemed at a loss on how to get her blood-covered hair and the wound as clean as it needed to be and looked to Ben. Ben paused then started barking out orders. “Okay, you get her undressed. I’m going to go grab another blanket. I’ll be right back.” Ben ran to the bedroom next door and was back so fast that Arden hadn’t even gotten her shirt off by the time he got back. “Once she’s undressed, go down before me and get a towel, then start pumping the water. I’ll wrap her in the blanket and carry her back downstairs. I’ll get her head under the water enough to wash the blood out of her hair. We’ll get it as clean as we can. It’s probably better that we clean it really thoroughly when she’s out cold anyways. Then, we’ll bring her upstairs, towel her off and put her into bed until daylight.” The men worked together to execute their plan. Julia didn’t regain consciousness even when the cold well water was running over her head and trying to make its way through the upper folds of the blanket covering her body. Ben held her up for Arden to dry as best he could and carried her back upstairs to put her into bed. Ben unwrapped her from the wet blanket and dried her off a little more. “I’ll lay her on her side so she’s not lying on the gash.” “Face her this way,” Arden said, indicating the side he wanted. “I’ll be able to pull the chair up next to the bed.” Arden pulled up the chair and sat. He began dripping water into Julia’s mouth from a washrag. “This is a nightmare déjà vu. I had to do this when I first found her.” Ben took off his wet shoes and jeans and lay on the bed behind her. “Do you think the baby’s okay?” Arden asked with an anguished look. “I don’t know. It’s too hard to tell exactly what’s going on in the dark.” Ben slid his hand under the blanket and placed a hand on Julia’s swollen belly, as if to comfort the baby inside.


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The room was quiet. Arden fed water to her drop by drop. Ben lay still with his hand on her belly, rubbing as if to coax the baby to rub back. When the sun rose enough to get a good look at Julia’s face, fear replaced worry. Her skin was gray, and she had a sheen of perspiration over her body. They uncovered her and inspected her more closely. The channel in the back of her head was as they had thought, at least a couple days old. The blood was clotted and trying to form a hard scab. There were horizontal bruises equally spaced down her neck, back and buttocks, caused by falling hard on the edge of each step. “She might have injured her spine,” Arden said, inspecting the lines. “I don’t think so. She wasn’t right at the bottom of the stairs when I found her. She had moved herself toward the back. “There’s a bad bruise on her left ankle, but other than that, I don‘t see anything else.” Arden and Ben spent the day cooling her forehead with damp wash rags and trying to get her to swallow drops of water they put into her mouth while elevating her head. As the day wore on, the men became more desperate and tired. They had both been awake for more than a day and a half. They agreed to take turns sleeping next to her while the other continued with the wash rags and hydration. The day turned into evening with no change. **** Julia’s brain sprang awake before the rest of her. She felt her baby move and smiled. Lifting her hand to her belly, she whispered, “Sorry. Not much longer.” “Julia.” She smiled. Arden is calling me. A hand touched her face.

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“Julia, wake up, baby.” I’m up. Hands were touching her arm, her hair. She heard a command in her ear. “Julia. Open your eyes.” Ben. Julia tried to open her eyes. “Do it. Open your eyes!” Can’t. She felt something cold and wet on her face. “Stop it,” she breathed. “We’re going to sit you up so you can have some water.” She felt hands and arms moving her and water in her mouth. “No.” She turned her head away. “Yes! Swallow!” Ben barked at her. More water in her mouth. Water on her neck and chest. Swallow. Swallow again. She raised her hand to make it stop. “Open your eyes, Julia.” Julia opened her eyes. It was dark. Arden stood next to the bed with a glass in his hand. Ben was holding her, lifting her to almost sitting. She closed her eyes. “Tired.” “Okay, we’ll let you go back to sleep, but you have to drink more first.” She felt the glass to her lips. She swallowed more. “Good girl,” Ben encouraged in her ear. “Drink for the baby, too.” She did. Then she was laid back down on her side. She felt the mattress behind her move, as if someone was getting out of bed. “Don’t leave me.” “Never, baby, never,” Arden murmured. “Never again.”


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Chapter 21 Julia started feeling frequent movements of her baby very soon after she started eating and drinking again. She was weak, and the men made her stay in bed for three more days after she regained consciousness. She was never alone during that time. Either Arden or Ben was always with her. Most of the time they laid next to her, caressing her, or were fighting with her to eat and drink more. Her ankle, she thought, was probably not fractured since she was able to increasingly put weight on it. Slowly their routine fell back into place, and life got as normal as it could again. About a week after they let Julia get out of bed, Arden suggested that they all go to the creek to cool off and have a picnic. Ben stayed behind to finish his chores but told them he would join them later. Arden and Julia went to the same spot that Julia had soaked in alone so many months before. Her spot. The area next to the creek had tall, soft grass. The water was warm, and the sunlight dappled through the trees to make patches of sun and shade. They soaked in the cool running water of Salt Creek and ate some vegetables Julia had plundered from their garden for lunch. It was an idyllic day. Julia lay with her head in Arden’s lap while he laid his hand on her large swell of belly. They waited to feel the baby roll and shift inside her again and laughed quietly together as the child obliged and executed another somersault, then kicked Arden’s hand. They were in their own world, and Julia was surprised to hear Ben’s angry threat behind them. “Look good and hard, 'motherfucker, ’cause it’s the last thing you’re going to see in this life.”

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She turned to find Ben holding a man at gunpoint. “Oh, my God. It’s John!” Julia shouted out. She tried to get up quickly, but her center of balance combined with gravity refused to let her. Arden stood and held out a hand to pull her to her feet. Julia ran to her brother and clutched him to her for a long time. She wouldn’t let go as she cried and told him how glad she was to see him. After a long minute, she finally broke her hold on her brother. “John, this is Arden and Ben,” she said, indicating with her hand. John shook their hands. “I appreciate you guys taking care of my sister.” “Let’s go back to the house so I can put some more clothes on,” Julia said. Arden handed her his T-shirt to slip on, and then Julia grabbed her brother’s arm and walked with him back to the farm. Arden and Ben followed behind. “How did you find me?” she asked. “I got your message from another Guardsman. From what I gather, the note I got with your name and approximate location was handed from person to person until it got to me.” Julia quickly glanced over her shoulder. “Actually, that was Arden’s doing. I didn’t even know that he tried getting a message to you until I spent the day at the farm down the road.” “I didn’t want her to get her hopes up too much. I didn’t think it would get to you,” Arden cut in. When they got to the house, Julia left the men on the porch and went inside to pull on her sweatpants. On her way out of the kitchen door onto the porch, she caught Ben’s eye. With a serious face and a slight “get going” nod of her head, Ben got her message. “Well, Arden, we need to finish fixing that coop. Let’s let them catch up, and we’ll all get to know each other better at dinner.” Ben’s eyes communicated silently with Arden, just as Julia’s had done a moment before with him.


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The men walked away, but they didn’t go far. Julia and John sat on the porch swing. John took some gear and his shirt off and took a deep breath. There was some awkward silence. It was almost like there was so much to say neither person knew where to begin. “Do you want some water?” “No, I’m good.” John looked at his sister. “So tell me how you ended up here.” Julia gave John the details of her trek that landed her in Arden’s path. John was proud that Julia had actually listened to him when they had talked about EMPs and the chaos that would ensue after any major disruption. “You did good,” he said to her. “You wouldn’t have thought so if you’d seen me when Arden found me. He literally saved my life.” She took a deep breath. “Everything was good after that. Ben showed up a while later, and it’s been pretty easy going since then. Well, except, I killed someone.” “What?” John looked at her, shocked. “A man came into the house. I was alone there. We weren’t on our guard as much then as we are now. We just hadn’t seen anybody, so we were complacent, I guess. Anyways, the man walked into the kitchen. He had a gun. I distracted him enough that I could get one good shot in, and I just bashed his nose in like they taught at the prison. He just died right there.” “Shit, Julia.” Silence fell between them. “Are you coping with it okay?” “Yeah, I was upset at the time, but I try not to think about it now.” “Sometimes people give you no other choice. You did what you had to do. I’m glad you’re okay. But how could I have ever thought differently? I should have known that even the collapse of the free world wouldn’t bring you down,” he said, laughing. They swung back and forth with John absently keeping the swing going with his feet. He put his arm around her shoulder. “Can we talk about this now?” he asked as he put his hand on her belly.

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“I don’t think you’re going to like what you hear,” she said, meeting his eyes. “We don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.” “No, It’s just…” Julia paused. She had absolutely no idea how to say it. “The three of us, and what soon will be the four of us, we’re a family.” “Why wouldn’t I like that? I’m glad you’re like family.” She looked at him a long time as if waiting for him to understand what she was trying to say. “What am I missing here, Julia?” “I have a relationship with both Arden and Ben. The three of us are together, not just two like a normal couple.” John stood. “What the fuck are you talking about, Julia!” he yelled. “What the…” John walked over to his rifle that was propped up in the corner of the porch. “John, no!” Julia yelled going over to him and grabbing his arm. “Let me handle this, Julia. Sit your ass down. I’ve heard enough from you. I’m going to hear the rest from them.” He grabbed her by the shoulders and sat her down on the swing. “John! Dammit.” He stormed down the steps, gun in hand, and strode over to where Arden and Ben were standing. They had heard the commotion and were waiting to face John when he got there. Julia followed close behind. “John, calm down!” “What the fuck are you two doing with my sister?” John seethed.


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Chapter 22 John raged as Julia stepped in front of him, putting her hands on his chest. “Calm down!” “Julia, don’t,” Arden said. “We’ll take care of this. Go back to the house. We don’t want you getting upset.” Julia didn’t budge. “Go, Julia!” Ben snapped. Julia gave John a glare and reluctantly walked back to the porch swing. “You’re taking advantage of my sister. You knew she had nowhere else to go. She had to do what you wanted her to, to survive.” John was talking through clenched teeth. “It’s not like that, John,” Arden said. “We love her, and she loves us.” “She’s happy here with us,” Ben added. “Bull fucking shit!” John yelled. “John, think about it. You know your sister well enough to know that nobody takes advantage of her. She’s a hardass. She killed a man with her bare hands for God’s sake.” John digested what Arden had just said to him. As the wheels turned inside his head, John lowered his gun a little. “It’s just so fucking bizarre. I don’t like it.” He looked over his shoulder to where Julia was sitting. “Who’s the father of the baby?” “We don’t know, and we don’t care. We all will love this baby. It’s ours, all of ours,” Arden said. John took a breath of resignation and walked away from the men. He stopped ten feet away, not facing them. “Don’t fuck this up,” he

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said as he turned, pointing at them. “Don’t let this ever end with her getting hurt. I will come back and I will kill you both.” Arden stepped forward. “She won’t get hurt.” He raised his hand to John. John grudgingly shook Arden’s then Ben’s hand. They walked together back to the house in silence. “Well, let’s eat something, guys,” Julia said, looking at John cautiously and hooking her arm around him and giving him a squeeze. John looked down at her, shaking his head. “Only you, sis, could manage something like this.” They talked and ate together. John’s animosity dissipated like the wind of a tornado that has burned itself out. John gave them all the information he had and passed on the rumors he had heard. He warned that there were still reports of gangs raiding, raping and killing, but he thought that this was more the exception than the rule now. He told them of the massive number of casualties and his clear, stack, and bury duty that went on for months. It was a changed world, with new rules. Survival of the bestprepared-and-armed reigned. Survivors were now being referred to as “Generation S.” S for survivors. As the night progressed, John realized he liked Arden and Ben. He watched them closely, and they were good to Julia. He tried to convince himself that this was just another aspect of the changed world they were living in. Life was unconventional for the people left. Many did what they had to do to survive, and the rules of acceptability from just a year ago didn’t apply anymore. When the night wound down, John looked at Julia. “I have to leave tomorrow.” “Why so soon? You just got here.” “I walked away from my duty assignment…I’m AWOL.”


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“Why don’t you just stay? With all the confusion out there now, they’ll just think something happened to you. Don’t go back, John. Please.” “That’s not me, Julia, and you know it. I made my commitment, and I’m going to finish it. You wouldn’t expect anything less from me anyway, right?” he said with a forced smile. “You’re safe here. You have two of your own personal bodyguards. You stay here. You couldn’t be in better hands.” “John, when you’re commitment is done and you’re ready to walk away, we want you to come back here,” Ben said. “The land next door is my family farm. We could always build a cabin over there if you want your own place…or whatever. We’ll work something out. You’re family, and you’re wanted back here when you’re ready.” “Thanks, Ben. I’ll be back for sure. I need to visit my sis and see the baby. The rest we can talk about later.” When they all decided to go to bed, Julia shooed her men away. Arden gave Julia a kiss on the cheek. “See you upstairs.” Ben planted a kiss on the other side. “Later, yummy pants,” he murmured in her ear. The men said goodnight to John and went upstairs. John waited for Julia to come back from the outhouse. As she closed and locked the back door, John caught her and hugged her again. “I’ll be back in less than a year. If I don’t come back, I’m dead. Don’t come looking for me, understand?” He took her by the shoulders and looked into her eyes. “Yeah. And don’t come back acting like a dork next time, little brother.” Julia’s throat was clamped down so hard she could barely get the words out. “You sure you’re good here?” Julia rolled her eyes. “Yes, John, I’m more than good.”

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They walked up the stairs, and Julia showed John Laura’s room to sleep in. As they passed Julia’s room, he asked, “Do all three of you sleep together in the same bed?” “Yeah, most of the time.” Julia shrugged. “This is going to take a while to wrap my brain around,” he said, shaking his head. “You? Just think about how I felt.” “Love you, sis.” “Love you, too, John.” **** When Julia got up the next morning, John had already left. She wasn’t surprised at all. She knew her little brother well, and goodbyes were not in his repertoire. She tried to keep busy through the day to ebb the tide of sadness that John had left so soon. The problem was that keeping busy while so pregnant was exhausting. Julia felt as big as a cow. She was starting to worry that she was too big. Before she got pregnant, it never occurred to her that being a small woman could pose a problem during delivery. But an increased sense of urgency plagued her. She had to deliver this baby before it got any bigger. C-section was not an option. Tomorrow, Ben was going to walk to the Yoder’s farm and ask Ann to come and stay until the baby came. Julia was irritable and hot and somewhat pissed at the men because for the last few weeks, they wouldn’t touch her with a ten foot pole. She had mistakenly explained to them that having sex was believed to bring on labor, and she wanted that very badly. But ultimately, that disclosure was a bad move because now the shitheads were dick shy. She didn’t realize that the labor she wanted to start so badly was not being met with the same enthusiasm by the men.


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Okay, granted, the actual accomplishment of the sex sometimes felt like…like…well, ridiculous. But this was going to be the last night in the house with just them before Ann came and then the baby shortly after. She would get what she wanted tonight—period. She figured divide and conquer was the way to go. As long as the two were together, they’d stand strong. She would try to seduce them individually. At least one of them would give in. She knew it. Julia approached Arden first. He had come inside to return the clean dinner plates to the kitchen cabinet. Julia stepped in front of him as he tried to leave out the kitchen door. He stopped. “What?” Julia took a step forward toward him, trying to give him the most seductive smile an extremely pregnant woman could give. She grabbed the waistband of his pants and pulled him toward her. “I want you to fuck me, Arden.” Arden froze, like a deer in headlights. “Julia,” Arden warned, “it’s not a good idea.” Julia ran her hand down the zippered part of his jeans and cupped him with her hand. “Come on, baby, please.” Arden pulled Julia into him. “You know there’s nothing I’d like better than to be inside you right now. I’m already hard just thinking about it,” he said, leaning over to kiss her neck. “Let’s go upstairs. I’ll take care of you. But, Julia, you’re not getting any cock until Ann gets here.” “Jesus, what the hell is wrong with you two?” Julia burst out while she pushed him away. She clenched her fists and fumed. “She’s coming tomorrow! Even if I went into labor right now, I probably wouldn’t have the baby until tomorrow afternoon or later.” Ben walked in from outside. “What’s going on?” he asked, looking back and forth from Arden to Julia. “Julia’s trying to get in my pants and having a little temper tantrum because I said no.”

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“Julia—” “Shut up, Ben. I don’t want to fucking hear it from either one of you!” Julia shrieked, then huffed out of the kitchen, stomped up the stairs, and slammed the bedroom door behind her.


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Chapter 23 Julia heard them come into the bedroom. “Go away,” she moaned. Ben walked over to the side of the bed she was facing and climbed in next to her. “You guys suck,” she mumbled, refusing to look at him. She heard Arden undressing behind her, then looked at Ben and smiled. “You’re caving?” Ben nodded, and then Arden slipped into bed behind her. “Come on, let’s take this off,” Ben said as he and Arden started pulling the man-size T-shirt up over her head. When the T-shirt was completely off, Arden spooned her body with his. “I’m sorry,” he whispered in her ear. Arden caressed her, running a strong hand over the dips, peaks, and round of her belly in front of him. She felt his hard chest against her back and his breath against her neck and ear. Ben lay back down in front of her. His eyes were hungry. He looked at her with desire, as if he didn’t see the immensely pregnant woman in front of him. His body was a masterpiece of defined muscle and tanned skin. He kissed her softly on the mouth. He traced his fingers from between her breasts over the round of her belly and down between her legs. He lifted her top leg slightly and put a folded pillow between her knees. Then, tracing his hand back up her inner thigh, his fingertips met with her short curls. She groaned. Behind her, she felt Arden’s erection pressing into her lower back. “Please, Arden,” were her only words. Arden adjusted himself and entered her slick depths from behind, slowly and gently. Julia was already urgently pressing herself into him.

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“This isn’t a race, baby, relax,” he whispered into her ear. As Arden pumped long strokes into her, Ben invaded her curls and ran his fingers over her clit, grazed it roughly, and circled around for another pass. Over and over, Ben’s pressure on her became more intense as Arden’s strokes quickened. “I’m going to come already,” Julia said. “Stop or keep going?” Ben asked. “Keep going,” she begged. “Harder, don’t stop.” Julia’s muscles tightened, clamping on to Arden’s cock. Her moans escaped her mouth more loudly, demanding more from them. She floated on the edge, her orgasm just out of reach for what seemed like an infinite stretch of time until her climax attacked her. Her cries of ecstasy were loud and long as her body spasmed and gripped Arden’s cock. He plunged himself into her hard and deep. With a low rumble from inside his chest, he came in hot spurts inside her. She lay there for several minutes trying to catch her breath, eyes closed, smiling like a kid on Christmas morning. Arden withdrew, slid out of bed, and kissed her on the cheek. Grabbing his clothes, he walked out of the room and left Julia and Ben alone. After long minutes, Julia met Ben’s eyes and smiled. “If that doesn’t do it, nothing will. I just want this to be over. You understand, don’t you?” “Yes.” “Do you think he’s mad?” “No. We’re both just nervous, that’s all,” Ben said while caressing her. “Now, sexy man, what can I do for you?” Julia asked with a mischievous glint in her eye. She sat up and crossed her legs on the bed, bringing to mind a Buddha statue. “Do you want me to rub it, suck it, or fuck it,” she said, grabbing hold of his hard cock. “Wow, what a mood change.” Ben laughed out loud.


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Without waiting for an answer, Julia leaned over. Her mouth enclosed his hard, silky smooth sex with her hand gripped hard at the base. She lightly raked her teeth along its length. “How about this?” she asked, taking him into her mouth again and sucking him with greed, swirling her tongue around the tip before filling her mouth again. “Oh, fuck, Julia,” Ben snarled, his body instantly strained, his defined muscles more visible under popping veins. She razed the nails of her left hand down his chest and over the defined muscles of his abs. His hand went to her hair, fingers tangling through the long chocolate-colored strands. Julia hit her rhythm easily and started moaning in the pleasure of having him in her mouth and at her mercy. She started pumping her hand in sync with the aggressive play of her tongue on him, sucking him hard. Only a minute or two passed before Ben hissed. “It’s been too long baby. I’m ready to blow already.” Julia enjoyed the knowledge the two weeks of abstinence had taken its toll on him. She had not been the only one in need. Ben rolled his head back on his neck. “Aaaaahh yes, Julia, yes.” He froze as he came in her mouth. She captured his hot spurts, swallowing greedily. She took every drop into her mouth, releasing a moan of her own, not wanting their first contact in weeks to be over so quickly. “My God, woman. I love when you suck my cock.” He brought her up to his mouth and kissed her. “You need to have a temper tantrum more often because I do believe that I got the better end of the deal.” They lay together. Julia tucked herself into him. “You ready?” he asked her. “So ready,” she whispered back. ****

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The next morning, Ben left to get Ann while Arden and Julia waited on the porch swing. The day was cloudy and threatening rain. Julia thought she was starting the first stages of labor but wasn’t quite sure since this was the first time for her. Her stomach felt that twirling, butterfly feeling of unknown anticipation. She was close. She felt it. “We haven’t talked much about names,” Arden said. “I know. That is a little weird. Why is that?” “Well, I sort of felt that whatever name you wanted would be fine by me. If I were to guess, Ben probably feels the same way. Have you thought about it?” “Sure. I was thinking maybe Adam for a boy. If I named him Adam with John as a middle name, we could call him A.J.” “I like it. I’m sure Ben will like it too,” Arden said, twining his fingers with hers and lifting her hand up to kiss it. “I can’t sit anymore,” Julia sighed. “Could you take the plastic shower curtain in the bathroom down for me? I want to make up the bed so it’s ready when it’s time.” Julia grabbed old linens from the bottom of the stack in the upstairs hall closet and then stripped the bed while Arden took down the plastic curtain for her. Together they re-made the bed, placing the shower curtain on the mattress and the old dingy white sheet and cotton blanket on top. The bed made a crinkling sound from the shower curtain when laid down upon. As Julia was folding up the handmade quilt to put away until it would be safe to use again, her water broke. With a rush, warm fluid spilled out of her and down her legs, pooling on the hardwood floor.


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Chapter 24 When Amos dropped Ben and Ann off, he promised to check back in a couple of days to see if she was ready to return home. Ann carried a small overnight bag with clothes and a few medical supplies that she would need to help with the birth. Arden met them halfway down the driveway on their way to the house. He didn’t have to say a word to Ben. The look on his face was worried, solemn. That look was all Ben needed to see to know that Julia had started labor. “Her water broke about twenty minutes ago.” Ann smiled. “Right on time.” “She’s upstairs. We’ll be up in a minute,” Arden said, motioning for Ann to go in. After Ann left earshot, Arden turned to Ben. Panic shaded his face and etched lines of fear around his eyes and between his brows. “I’m really worried, man. I’m barely keeping it together. I don’t know how she’s going to get that baby out of her tiny body. We’re not going to be able to do anything to help her.” Arden’s words ran together. He was visibly agitated. “She’s going to be suffering, Ben. She’s going to be in pain, and we’re going to have to just sit there and watch. I feel like punching something.” Ben became deadly serious. His eyes locked on Arden. “I’ve thought of the same things. I feel the same way. But she needs us. We have to be her rock, even if we’re barely holding it together. She’s going to need us to tell her everything’s going to be okay. No matter how upset we feel, we owe it to her to keep it to ourselves.” Ben’s

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voice conveyed an air of warning that he hoped Arden could easily translate to, “don’t let me down or we’re going to have a problem.” Ben slapped his hand on Arden’s back as they walked toward the house. “We’re going to become dads today.” Ben’s smile flashed and helped to settle Arden a bit. **** Julia was making a perfectly folded mattress of blankets inside the deep dresser drawer they had decided to use as a crib when Ann walked in. Julia was energized and excited. The long wait was over, and with the addition of this baby, her life was going to be more perfect than she’d ever imagined. “How are you feeling?” Ann asked as she gave Julia a hug. “Good.” Julia smiled. “Just a little squeezing tightness once in a while.” “Let’s keep you moving around. You have a long way to go.” Julia and Ann joined the men downstairs, and the four of them sat comfortably on the back porch through the day. The sky clouded up and threatened rain throughout the morning. Julia’s contractions increased in intensity very gradually. They talked quietly with each other, mostly about their parents. Julia told them stories about her mother, Colette. Colette had taught Julia to be tough and drilled into her that she must always be able take care of herself even if there was somebody around that said they’d do it for her. She always said she was proud of the independent, selfsufficient woman Julia had become. Colette had been disillusioned about love and marriage, and Julia wondered aloud what her mother would say about their unusual relationship. She thought that it probably wouldn’t bother her mother as much as other people of that generation. Colette was a very different breed from the mothers Ben and Arden had described growing up with.


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They were all thoughtful, solemn, because none of the grandparents were around to welcome this new child into the world. The conversation hit home with Ben the most. His loss still rubbed him raw. The men agreed that Ben’s mother would have been the best combination of cookies and hugs for the child and sage advice for the parents. As the day progressed, they returned to the bedroom. The already dreary day made the interior of the room dark before it otherwise would have been. Arden lit a couple of candles, which gave a relaxed atmosphere to the room. The night seemed to drag on endlessly, especially for Julia. She started to become scared sometime in the middle of the night. Her labor progressed at an almost imperceptible pace, except for the pain, which seemed to be growing exponentially. She moaned with every excruciating contraction and had to force herself to breathe when she realized she was holding her breath through the pain. The contractions became overwhelmingly painful sometime in the early hours of the morning. She lay on her side with either one man or the other whispering encouragements to her, caressing her, or rubbing her back. But by the time the sun started rising, Julia didn’t want either one of them talking to her or touching her. Ben and Arden stood, sat, and paced around the bed. They looked helpless and pitiful. Their tense demeanors contributed to the room’s uneasy atmosphere. When Julia’s moans evolved into cries, Ann took over, giving the men tasks to do. She sent them to boil water and get towels, wash rags, and pillows that would be used during the pushing stage, and a tray to put her birthing supplies on. Julia withdrew from them. She folded in on herself, into a ball, eyes closed, skin beaded with sweat. She was in her own reality. Not much existed outside the confines of her own skin. She didn’t notice when the men returned with everything Ann had sent them to get. She didn’t realize Ann was talking to her, telling her it was time to push.

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Ben knelt next to the bed. “It’s time to push, baby.” She opened her eyes. She felt dazed and unfocused. “I can’t.” “Yes, you can. You’re almost done. Now come on.” He rumbled his command as he lifted her. “No. No. No.” Julia groaned as Ben placed her sitting between Arden’s legs. Her back rested on Arden’s chest. “You’re almost done,” Arden murmured into her ear as he smoothed her hair back away from her face. Ben was instructed to stay next to Ann and follow her directions to a tee during the delivery. “Okay now, Julia, get ready to push.” Ann nodded to Arden who positioned Julia’s torso forward into pushing position and did a soft backward ten count in her ear. Julia was tired but obediently repeated the cycle of pushing and resting when told to until she couldn’t do it anymore. “I can’t anymore,” Julia moaned. She was crying, a steady stream of tears rolling down her cheeks. “Bullshit,” Ben said to her. “You’re almost done, Julia. Don’t quit.” “When I give the go-ahead, we’re going to do a twenty count, and if you give it all you’ve got, you could be done. All right, Julia?” Ann asked. Julia nodded. Ann moved Ben so he was shoulder to shoulder with her in front of Julia. Ann laid a clean towel on the bed to the left of Julia‘s legs. She met Ben’s eyes. “I’m going to help deliver the shoulders. After that, you grab hold of the baby with both hands. It’s going to be slippery, so get a good grip and help pull the rest of the child out. I’ll take care of the umbilical cord. Once the cord is clamped and cut, you keep holding the baby for me so I can suck out its mouth and nose. Then put the child on the towel and wrap it up. You got it?” Ben nodded. Ann nodded to Arden.


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“Okay, Julia, we’re going to do twenty. Do your best and you should be done.” Arden supported Julia’s torso back up into pushing position and began his twenty count. “Twenty, nineteen, eighteen, seventeen, sixteen…” “Head is delivered.” “Fifteen, fourteen, thirteen, twelve, eleven…” “Shoulders are delivered.” “Ten, nine, eight, seven…” “Baby’s out. Relax, Julia.” “It’s a girl,” Ben declared. But, there was no cry. Julia began to panic. She could see Ben and Ann working. “What’s wrong?” “Nothing’s wrong,” Ann said, still working. Ben held the baby girl for Ann as she clamped and cut the cord then sucked out her mouth and nose. Suddenly, their tiny new daughter began a pissed off wail of a cry that was so intense it ended in a couple of seconds of silence that made Julia will her to take a breath and wail again. “Looks like she has her mother’s temperament,” Ben commented, smiling ear to ear. He wrapped her up in the towel, gently wiping off her face with one corner. He stood with the baby in his arms and walked around to the head of the bed. “She’s perfect,” he said as he placed the wailing newborn in her mother’s arms. Ben sat down next to them as Arden looked over Julia’s shoulder. Julia cried tears of joy over the tiny girl. “She looks like you, too,” Arden whispered into her ear. He was right. The baby girl already looked a little like Julia, with a spray of dark hair and big round eyes. And Ben was right. The baby girl loudly proclaimed that she’d inherited her mother’s disposition. Julia leaned over and kissed her baby. “Her name is Hope.”

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THE END WWW.RYANBOOKS.NET

ABOUT THE AUTHOR Sylvia lives the life of an ordinary wife, mother and professional existing in Midwest Suburbia, USA. She reads voraciously and loves to lose herself and fall head over heels for the alpha males in the novels she reads. When she gets the chance to shed the prim and proper persona of average wife and mother, her secret identity, Sylvia Ryan, emerges. This alter ego strives to write original ideas in extraordinary settings for her readers to remember long after the book has been read. Her dream is to transform her racy thoughts and naughty nature into tangible works of erotic fantasy for others’ secret identities to enjoy.

Siren Publishing, Inc. www.SirenPublishing.com

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