Reader's Digest (February 2010)

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Easy Healthy Fast

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ASSEEN ONTV Our annual wacky ~dget est

RxFOR A HAPPY LIFE Instant mind-set makeover

WORD POWER SPECIAL How to sound smarter

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February 2010

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C OLUMN S

43 Outrageous!

Howthegovernment

is fa il ing our veterans

52 Ask Laskas

M IC H AEL CRO W LEY

Co mmonsense advice

JE A NNE MAR I E LASKAS

63 Here's the Deal

What you need

to know about product recalls JANIC E Ll E8ERMAN

D EPA R T MEN T S

React Your letters 15 The Digest Newbooks,life advice,

10

13 things your flo rist wo n't tell you

28 Laugh! Our favo rite jokes 35 Heroes When a customer co llapsed, a waitress acted fast

JE FF GREM I LLI O N

39 Make It Matter One couple found a way fo r their kids to help oth ers: birthday part ies MICHE L L E CRO UCH

47 @Work Offlce humor 55 Dreamers This company spells success in 100 languages MARGARET HEFF ERNAN

58 Off Base 70 Up Close Dempsey

77 179 187 193 196 200

Humor in uniform Pill ow talk with Patrick

DA V ID HOC HM A N

Health Heart-smart strategies Eater's Digest Super Bowl rec ipes Quotes Don't stress! Word Power Test yo urself Life Funny true stories Last Laugh

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I once had a doctor who was horribly out-or-date ("Is Your Doctor Out-of-Date?"). A Pap test came back abnormal, and my doctor refused to let me retake the test. Instead, he wanted to sc hedule a cone biopsy, which he said required an overnight hospital stay and could cause complications for a future pregnancy. I got a second opinion, and had three follow-up tests over the next six months. The outcome? I needed only a safer, IS-minute office procedure to remove precancerous spots from my cervix. Jill WI! i ream b, Bismarck, North Dakota

Peggy Northrop, global editor-in-chief, and the entire staff of

Reader's Digest

As a first-year medical student, I'd like to point out that the doctors of the future are being taught evidence-based medicine as a norm for practice. We're learning when and how to use reliable reso urces to guide our practice and treat patients in the safest way, based on current scientific evidence-and not relying on perso nal experience or dated medical knowledge. Jerry Mou/ton, Tucson, Arizona

With the current problems doctors face-scurrilou s malpractice suits, noncompliant patients, and the health-care system-it'S very disappointing to see this tone and perspective. Could the same points

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PRESIDENT OBAMA'S FIRST-YEAR GRADE '" THE READER ' S DIGEST VERSION We asked readers on our e-mail panel to grade President Obama on

his first year in office. He received average to above-average grades from 56% of respondents, but nearly 25% failed him. What others had to say:

» "Grade A: He has retained his optimism and perseverance." J. S.,

C arl sbad , NewMe~ico

»

(fA: He stays away from cheapshot politics." R. G. , San Jose, California

» "A: The fact that he received the Nobel Peace Prize sums up his amazing capabilities in my book." K . D. , WinterGarden,Florida

» " B: He's tryingto pull both sides of Congress together but not

succeeding."

»

c. N.,

Tren ton, New Jer sey

"C: Too much spending." R. B., Abingdon,Maryiand

» "e: He has shown promise but hasn't delivered anything of substance yet." ]. M. , Louisville,Kentucky

» n CniIdio( 53H .... iI PileI uP capiQllIOCk~ TWI iIbiIiIi!s_ s.s.~ biIIon.1ncIocIIlt 51.1 bib in -.AclcJi'Iioa.1I iIIormation iI <MIiablo at lIJ;p"/~.ooutICOII)OI3III/Ift~. Some

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"Takethis job and shove it." That's what employees CQu id be tell ing bosses as jobs become more prevalent.

New advances in manufacturing may make oil-based plastics a th ing of the past. Polylactic acid ( PLA) is biodegradable, made from renewable materials, and safe for food packaging, reports the Economist. Korean researchers have developed a new, less expensive tech nique to make PLA.

BusinessWeek reports

that loyalty has dropped 25 percent in the past year thanks to " layoffs, bonus and benelit cuts, and a halt in promotions." Increased workloads haven't helped: One analyst told Daniel Gross of Newsweekthat as productivity picks up, J

• health " How much to replace my hip?" Now that patie nts are paying more of the ir health-care costs, will doctors start posting prices? Walecia Konrad, in the New Yo r k Times, says many already are, and they're not above negotiating. Patients may want to check out the going rates at pricedoc.com, healt h careblu ebook.com, and outofpocket.com.

hiring has to follow, or

"at a certain point, people will start to collapse."

Men who suppress t heir anger at work are two to fwe times more likely

to suffer a heart attack or die from heart dis-

ease, according t o a Swedish study in the Journal of Epidemiology & Community Health.

The cu lprit? "Covert coping with unfair treatment ... [and not telling] the

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Use as directed.

Laugh! :) Fre nch tourist walks into a McDonald's in New York and orders wine. The guy in line behind him snorts, "They don't se rve wine here,

A

you moron!"

"You mean," says the Frenchman, "you're here for the food ?" Submitted by L. B. W e in s tein

After reading up on the

"Pardon me." finer points of ice fi shing, a young woman heads onto the ice. Just as she's about to drill her first hole, a booming voice from above Beau Jest bellows, "There are no fish under When my siste r was in high school. the ice!" she went out with the captain of the The woman is startled, but she chess team. My parents loved him keeps drilling. 'cause they figured any guy who Again the vo ice thunders, "There took three hours to make a move was okay. are no fish under the ice!" Comic Brion Kil ey Now the woman is shaking. But she takes a deep breath, and just as Men are attracted to women with a she's about to cut a new holeraspy voice. We think, Hey. maybe "The re are no fi sh under the ice!" she's all done yelling. The frightened woman Comic M oody M cCar thy looks skyward and asks, "Is that you, I don't know A millionaire, a hard why Cupid was chosen to Lord?" hat. and a drunk are represent Valentine's Day. "No. this is th e at a bar. Whe n they When I think about romance, the manage r of the get their bee rs. they last thing on my mind is a short, skating rink!" notice a fly in each 28

chubby toddler coming at me with a weapon. Comic P o ul M c Gin t y

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or John and Amy Cervantes, birthdays have always been a big deala welcome excuse to celebrate life. When their eldest son, Alex, turned three, in 2005, they invited 20 friends to a nearby park and hired a clown to paint faces and make balloon animals. Not long after that, the couple were brainstorming ways to teach Alex about giving to others. "That's when a spark went off," says Amy. "We wanted to do something that wou ld have an impact on our community. that wasn't already being done, and that our young children could participate in. I started wondering what less fortunate kids do on

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John, Alex, and Amy with a gift of joy.

39 Find more magazines at www.magazinesdownload.com

their birthdays . The next day, we called a local shelter." Wh at they learned is th at homeless children typically don't do anything to celebrate. No cake. No gifts. No party. Several weeks later, the fami ly threw a party at the she lter for the children who had birthdays that

spreading fas t, with affili ate chapters set to launch in Atlanta, Cincinnati, and northeas t Indiana. Recently, eager chi ldren watched volunteers at a Salvation Army she lte r hang streamers and set out a huge cake. "Ju st look at their faces," says Karen Prioleau, director of the cente r's Boys & Girl s Club. "Eve n if it's not their birthday, they love these parties." The chi ldren played bingo and made pictures with colored sand, then oohed and aahed as six kids ope ned the ir gifts. One girl pulled various Hannah Montana ite ms out of a bag while wond ering out loud how volunteers kn ew she loved th e popular teen singer (a lucky guess, says Amy). Anothe r sniffed a stuffed puppy, incredulous that it was brand-new. And a 16-year-old boy lifted his new baske tball in the air like a trophy. "I've never had a big party like this with my friends," he explained. Birthday Blessings is ope rated e ntirely by volunteers-they sort. wrap, set up, greet, and host-with Amy, a stay-at-home mom, at the helm. John juggles his career as an inves tment ad viser whi le settin g up the group's affiliate network and running its capi tal campaign. About half of last year's $125,000 budget was made up of gifts from area supporters. The charity will take almost anything-toys. clothing, candy, pape r produc ts, baby itemsas long as it's not used. "These kids

"Just look at their faces. Even if it's not their birthday, kids love these parties." month. They decorated, served cake, and led 50 kid s in the limbo. Alex helped fill and pass out goody bags and presents. When one five-yearold opened he r gifts-a pink shirt with glitter, bracele ts, and a stu ffed animal-she turned to Amy and asked, "Really? I ge t to keep these?"

S

in ce that first party, the couple have turned their simpl e idea into Birthday Blessings, a nonprofit that hosts monthly parties at ten shelters in and around Charlotte, North Carolina. The group also delivers baby supplies to new moms in the shelters. And it discreetly sends treats to elementary schools so homeless kids can celebrate their birthdays with friends. T o date, Birthday Blessings (birthdayblessi ngs.o rg) has thrown more than 500 parties and handed out over 22,000 favors to nearl y 4,000 homeless children. The idea is 40

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never get anything new," John says. "It makes a big difference to them psycho logically." Last February, after years of operating Birthday Blessings out of their home, John and Amy moved the charity to a 2,OOO-square-foot office they lease for $1 a year from a nonprofit with space to spare. There's even a playroom fo r their three boys-Alex, now seven, Eli, four, and Adam, two.

Being part of this "labor of love," as Amy puts it, is already making an impression on the boys. When Alex turned seven, his grandparents sent a birthday check. "The first th ing he said when he opened it," Amy recalls, "was that he wanted to give half to the birthday kids."

....oS Tell us how you or someone you know

~ is making it matter. a nd your story

may appear he re. Go to readersdigest.com/ makeitmatter.

Going Strong Every Wednesday,

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Call Congress. Make sure your

representatives hear from you. Tell them the VA needs to be modernized and reformed as soon as possible: 202- 22 4-31 21. > Help out. Groups like Disabled

American Veterans welcome donations and volunteers. You can also su pport Chris Kreiger's efforts at wnyheroes.com.

160 days now. But while the average wait time has decreased, it's still scandalously long. "Veterans deserve be tter service than we're able to give them at this point," he acknowledges. Linda Bilmes, a professor of public policy at Harvard's Ke nnedy School of Government, recommends specific changes to make the process better: • The VA should improve how it records files electronically. Upon a soldier's discharge, a full medical exam should be transmitted electronically to the VA, which would drastically cut the number of lost and incomplete files. • The VA should assume claims are legitimate, then rely on random audits to catch ineligible payments. • The VA should redu ce its cumbersome di sability rating system from as many as ten categories of severity and compensation to four.

A

ll necessary changes, but vets like Chris Kreiger aren't waiting. He has started his own nonprofit organization, Western New York Heroes, which raises money to assist veterans. He and eight voluntee rs also help vets and active service members in the area navigate the VA. "If a vet can't pay utilities or put food on the table, then for that month, we'll take care of it," he says. "Who can sit around for a year with no money and expect to survi ve?"

.....cJ Outraged? Tell Michael Crowley about it

~ at readersdigest.com/crowley.

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•>> Dear Worker, Why does Blabber Boss have so much time on her hands? Chances are, someone higher up the chain of command is wondering about

52

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her (and yourl) paltry productivity. Document your duties. Make a da ily to-do list and hang it where she can see it. Next time she tries to gossip. show her the list and say, "Look at all I still have to do!" ~ My dad and his wife live with

my grandfather. On my last visit, my grandfather told me he had given $50,000 to my aunt, who had financial problems. He claimed that, to be fair, he had given each of his three kids that amount. Later, he asked me not to discuss the money with my father. I know my dad didn't get $50,000. I'm close to him, and I don't normally keep secrets from him, but I also don't want to betray my grandfather. What should I do? Se c ret Bearer

Dear Secret, Here we have a good case of Mind Your Own Beeswax (for everyone's sake, but especially yours). Grandpa should neve r have burdened you with this information. Enjoy your visits home and avoid, at all cost, the politics, conflicts, and posturing of the olde r generations. ~ My fiancee and I plan to wed in three months. At a family gathering,

I recently learned that her parents (who are from another country) are first cousins. My intended does not think this is a big deal; in her country, it was customary for people of her parents' generation. My friends say we should get genetic counseling or

Life's Little Etiquette Conundrums It happened again last night. I was at a fund. raising dinner, and when the emcee began speaking. no one in the room paused to listen. The poor man ended up shouting down the crowd. I appealed to those at my table. but I got only strange looks and they kept talking. Eventually, I fled to the ladies' room; I was embarrassed to be seen at that disrespectful table. How do you handle this situation? I completely understand your desire to flee, but I urge you, next t ime, to fight. Now, morethan ever, in our increasingly rude society, banqueters across the land need you to stand up for what's right. Be the husher! If they give you looks, stare back and shush them! Trust me, there are others in that hall who need only a little encouragement to join you in the hushing. Lead the counterattack of the polite people!

even forget about getting married. I love my fiancee, but I don't know what to do. country Cousin

Dear Country, You and your beloved are not related by blood and thus are at no more risk than anyone else in the general population of similar age. Tell your frie nds to butt out, and take good care of your bride.

....cS Send questions about manners,

~ parents, partners, or office politics to readersdigest.com/laskas. Se nding gives us permission to edit a nd publish.

53 Find more magazines at www.magazinesdownload.com

Do more for your floor. Introducing the Bon. Hardwood Floor Mop Quick & Easy

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Dreamer.. ., NeverSay No, Non, Neln,or Nee Liz Elting's company spells success in more than 100 languages BY MARGARET HEFFERNAN

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Deadly Defects Howto safeguard your family, home, and health against fau Ity prod ucts

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weary. The key is to find that childlike innoce nce and ope nness again. Little things-Jillian recently surprised me with woo d chimes. Anytim e the wind blows, it reminds me of her. The girl behind home plate. My first ki ss was behind the backstop of a baseball fi eld. I was in fifth or sixth grade and ve ry nervous, intimidated, and unsure. Girls are all-consuming at that age.

7

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My lab coat. Did I ever think

I was going to be a doctor when I grew up ? Nope. But the role is a good fit for me. When you play a doctor, you projec t a se nse of authori ty and sec urity and safety. llike that energy.

He makes house calls: Dempsey and

Jennifer Garner in a scene from Valent;ne~s Day.

Faking it. It's easy to make brai n surge ry look real because it's all about staying still or making small movements-unlike ope nheart surgery, which is mu ch more physical. What's not easy is when we show a brain on TV. Sometimes we use real anim al pa rts, which di sturbs people on the set.

9

It's my favo rite time. , 0 Sunrise. The older you get, and certainly whe n you have chil dre n, you're up anyway. You might as weB e nj oy it. And then I like goi ng to work. I enjoy the process of making the show. That's a good day . •

72

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contain just 7.5 ounces. They can help-if. that is, you drink only one.

The Symptom Checker

Should I worry about ridges in my fingernails?

Not if the ridges are vertical-those often appear as you get ol der, though no one is sure why. (Moistu rizi ng nails may make the ridges less obvious.) Horizontal ridges can signal trouble, though. Called Beau's lines, these mean the nai l-making process got interrupted, which can happen duringa high fever or if you develop an illness like diabetes. Also talk to your doctor if you see signs of "clubb ing," in which the tips of fmgers en large and nails curve downward. That can be a sign of heart or lung problems. B. H.

Janis Graham

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A Delicious Way to Dial Back Diabetes

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[you're di agnosed with type 2 diabetes, your doctor will almost certainly tell you that yOll need to lose so me we ight. Now research identifies the best way to do it: Eat the Me diterranean way. In the study, 215 overweight people with diabetes followed either a classic, low-fat regime n (based o n Ame ri can H eart Association gu ide lines) or a highe r-fat, Mediterranea n-style diet (lots of olive oil, as we ll as vegetables, who le grain s. and fish and poultry). After four years, both groups had lost similar amou nts of weight-but only 44 pe rce nt of the Mediterranean-style eaters needed diabetes drugs, compared with 70 pe rcent of the low-fat die te rs .

The be n e fit s come partly because a Mediter ranean diet is fu ll o f healthy foods and partly because it doesn't rely on fat-reduced food s high in refined carbs. says Dariush Mo zaffarian. MD. an assistant professor o f medicine at Harvard Medical School. To help your blood s ugar:

Beef, lamb, pork

Fish, poultry, beans

Butter, margarine, butter su bstitute

Extra-virgin olive oil or othervegetable oils such as soybean and canola

Low-fat crackers, ch ips

Walnuts or othe r nuts, s unfl ower and pumpkin seeds, olives

Reduced-fat cookies

Fresh fruit

Egg substitute; lat-I",e l'ogurt; reduced-fat American, Cheddar, and Swiss cheese Baked potatoes, bread, rice

Wholeeggs;whole - .... yogurt; fet a, Parm esan, or goat cheese Roasted or sauteed vegetables tossed with herbs and drizzled with olive oil J . G. 85

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ADVERT ISEMEN T

A heart-to-heart talk

about the benefits of PSYLLIUM fiber Studies show that daily consumpti on of psyllium fiber may help reduce the risk of heart disease. *

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The 'In' Crowd: A Year of Crossings Petroleum & natural gas

Trucks

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$57,149,000

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6,806

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1,993 mi.

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62,125,000 I Cheese

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Cheese-

$15,436,000 2007 2008 2009 2010

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QuickS+udy marathon runners. Participants in the Detroit Free Press marathon in October had to show passpo rts

year, surging as much as 40 percent in some Southwestern districts.lmmigration agencies are auditing

when registering for the race, which crossed briefly

employment records of

into Canada. "' Immigration policy President Obama s upports amnesty f or illegal immi-

grants- an idea that outrages anti-immigrant groups like the Minuteman

Project, Patriots' Border All iance, and various

"Save Our City/State" groups. But Obama has cracked down in other

ways. Federal prosecutions for immigrati on crimes

jumped 14 percent last

_

650 U.S. businesses as part of a plan to hold employers responsible for hiring illegal immigrants. ... Deadly detention More than 100 illegal immigrants have died in U.S. detention centers since 2003. in facilities t hat activists describe as inhumane. Congress authorized $1.8 billion for new detention centers last year, and the Obama administration has promised an overhaul of the entire system.

' Mexican immigration is not and has never been out of control. It rises and falls with labor demand, and if legitimate avenues for entry are available, migrants enter legally. ' D o ug la s Ma ssey, Princeton University, a uthor) Beyond Smoke and M irrors: U.S. Immigration Policy in t heAge of Globalization

THETIMELINE ,8'9/ U.s.-Mexico

boundary set by Spain and U.S.

19 27 / 0 v erone million Mexicans are

.estim'lte,jto be living the U.S. illegally.

'846 / U.s ..·Canada , boundaryestablished by Great Britai n and U.S. 1910/ Mexican Revolution drives thousands of Mexicans across U.S. border.

progr am begi ns, bringing near ly 5 mil lio n Mexican temporary labor er s to the U.s. over

1915/ U.S. Congress authorizes " mounted inspector s" on the Mexican border.

19S4/ 0 peration Wetback- as it's unfortunately called - deports mor e than 3.8 million people to Mexico. •

1924/ The U.S. Border Patrol is establ ished.

196 5 / Maq uiladoras, factories bu ilt on the

Mexican side of the border, bring masses of cheap labor to work for companies assembling and exporting goods back to the U.s. 1994/ The North American Free Trade Agreement (NAFTA) incr eases maquiladora popu lations and

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Lily Tomlin , from her act

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From Soup to Nuts 1. SOUP 2.

COUP 3. COOP 4. COOS 5. COTS 6. CUTS 7. NUTS

~ Challenge a friend to beat your score in our online game at readersdigest.com/wordpowergame.

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could they possibly know the names of all those dinosaurs if th ey died 75 million years ago? And another thing, how do we eve n know th ey were called dinosaurs?"

Balas ubramanian Venkataraman,

Megan Lloyd, Orlando, Florida

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Overheard at the dinosaur home in Canada, we were Recently I sat in exhibit in Disney's Anifeted with a wonderful a restaurant watching mal Kingdom park: breakfast. But my sixtwo older men go at it. It a confused woman year-old daughter quickly grew heated as one of complaining to her was not impressed. them declared~ "I'm so mad, I'm friend, "How "Your pancakes taking you oH my pallbearer list!" Tom Calvert, Richardson, Texas Find more magazines at www.magazinesdownload.com

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are smaller th an my mom's," she told him. He replied, "That's because of the exchange rate."

• "Man Plans on Cutting Cheese Saturday in Stoughton" From madison.com • "Newspaper Ques tions Man Executed in 1983 Slaying"

Cheryl Kirkbride, Orrville, Ohio

Iturned to my father one night and said, "It's amazing-50 years and you never once had an affair. How do you account for that?" He replied, "1 can't drive." Caitlin F lanagan , in Time magazine

from the Southern Illinoisan; submitted by Jeni/er McClain

Today, while playing 20 Questions with my friend, I as ked, "Monsters or al iens?" She gave it so me thought, then responded, "Well, I've neve r actually met a monste r, so I'm go ing to have to go with aliens."

My friend is a Botox junkie-she

can't stop getti ng the injections. But surprisingly, whe n I reminded her to get her flu shot, she shuddered. "I hate needles," she said. I had a solution: "Just pretend it will make your ar m look younger."

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------------------------------------------------- ----------------------------------' 200

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"I look at you now and feel my breath catch just as it did on that drizzly April day when your poor fathe r walked you down the stairs and into marriage. And 1 think now, just as 1 did the n, that 1 already have more than my share of blessings without ever counting pas t the first. You are my one, but that isn't the first blessing. The first is knowing 1 am yours." Jay Heinrichs wrote this to his wife, Dorothy, 28 years aherthat April day. It appeared on the first page of a book of photos of their life together, his anniversary gih to her.

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126

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Fr om Jenny Weaver to Mark Bjerke, college students in Santa Rosa, California. "Scribbling the note on the envelope f lap is unexpected," says Shapiro, "and unexpected is good when it comes to love letters."

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