Pretty Man

Pretty Man A Ravenous Romance™ Panamour™ Original Publication By Ryan Field

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A Ravenous Romance™ Panamour™ Original Publication www.ravenousromance.com Pretty Man Copyright © 2009 by Ryan Field Ravenous Romance™ 100 Cummings Center Suite 125G Beverly, MA 01915 All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in whole or in part without written permission from the publisher, except by reviewers who may quote brief excerpts in connection with a review. ISBN-13: 978-1-60777-113-5 This book is a work of fiction, and any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental.

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Chapter One

When Roland Marcus decided to return New York for the first time in more than a year, he had no idea his entire life would change in less than one week. He’d just turned 45: ancient in his eyes. Though his short, wavy hair was still dark brown and his waist size remained 32, his right shoulder ached after working out and his feet bothered him if he jogged more than five miles. When Roland looked in the mirror late at night, he noticed the right side of his face seemed to be aging faster than the left. There were a few faint laugh lines at the corner of his left eye, while the corner of his right remained smooth and tight. From a distance he could still pass for 30; but up close in broad daylight, you could tell he was closer to his true age. Roland wasn’t obsessed with his looks, even as most gay men his age underwent Botox injections and eye tucks. “We’re going to fight getting old all the way,” they would say as they ran to their plastic surgeons. He knew one man who mortgaged his home so his ass could look 10 years younger. Roland could have easily afforded the most expensive plastic surgeon in the world without a second thought; but thanks to all those years of jogging and dieting, his ass was still as round and firm as it had been when he was 25. On the night everything began to change, Roland walked down Bleecker Street in Manhattan’s West Village near Magnolia Bakery. It was a warm, humid Friday in early August, and he’d just arrived in town to attend a few fundraisers for his favorite charity, the Ashley Foundation for Men and Women with HIV/AIDS.

4 The Village was so crowded that night, it looked like there was a street festival going on somewhere. Groups of college kids from New Jersey stippled the sidewalks; young girls wearing tube tops and low rise jeans giggled and chirped about offensive prices as they passed trendy little boutiques; and young couples walking hand in hand searched for outdoor cafes in which to sit and talk. The locals, dressed mostly in black, weaved in and out of the crowd as they crossed from one side of the street to the other. Their eyebrows were lowered and they turned their shoulders quickly so they wouldn’t have to make physical contact with the tourists. A tall guy with salt and pepper hair walked two enormous Afghan hounds near a shop with an obnoxious zebra chair in the front window. The man’s snakeskin boots were outrageously long, and so pointy the toes curled up. He wore tight, low-rise jeans with a wide leather belt, and a tight black shirt that floated an inch above his thin waist. Roland wore tan slacks, a white polo shirt and brown loafers. He walked slowly, his hands tucked so far into his pockets his Rolex was hidden. This was the first time he’d actually walked through his own neighborhood in years, and he felt like a tourist. Though he’d owned his brownstone on West 11th Street for almost 25 years, it hadn’t occurred to him how much things had changed while he was off building the family skincare business. Grim-faced artists with wild hair two decades earlier carried frayed portfolios down the street, while rough-looking men with exaggerated mustaches and black leather chaps cruised for sex. Roland stopped in front of a used bookstore and tightened his fists. Across the street in the cupcake shop, he saw his ex-lover Kenneth Rhodes on line. Worse, Kenneth had already spotted Roland. There was no place to run. Kenneth smiled and waved his arms

5 back and forth as the man he was with—Roland recognized him as Kenneth’s new lover—leaned forward to see who Kenneth waved to. Roland smiled and waved back. The men hadn’t seen each other since Roland left New York to live on his yacht off the coast of Florida. Kenneth motioned for Roland to cross the street. Roland lifted one arm and raised his index finger before ducking into the used bookstore. He took a deep breath and wrinkled his forehead at the distinct smell of rich, smooth chocolate. He looked to his right, beyond shelves and tables stacked with books, and saw a glass counter filled with delicate, handmade chocolates. Above the counter was a long, narrow sign: “Vous avez le chocolat sûr votre dent.” The background of the sign was off-white, and the words were written in dark brown, with thin, delicate wisps and curls. Roland laughed. He knew enough French well enough to roughly translate the sign: “You have chocolate on your tooth.” On any other day, Roland wouldn’t have been able to resist the aroma; but chocolate was the last thing on his mind. His heart raced and his mouth felt dry. He knew he’d have to see Kenneth at the charity events that week, but he hadn’t expected to run into him elsewhere. Kenneth now lived full time in Bucks County, Pennsylvania, where he owned and operated a trendy floral shop in a town called New Hope. He called the shop AproPosie. After their 23-year relationship ended (because Kenneth fell in love with a 25year-old), Kenneth got the house in Bucks County and opened the flower shop. Roland had always been the primary bread-winner, and could have kicked him out on the street. But he hadn’t.

6 When Roland leaned to the right to look out the window for Kenneth, his elbow accidentally bumped into someone and a pile of old books fell to the floor. “Excuse me,” Roland said, “I’m so sorry.” He bent down to pick up the mess. “Ah, well,” a man said, “I guess it’s not safe anywhere these days.” He placed his hands on his slim hips and shook his head, smiling. His voice was deep and strong, but friendly. Roland stood up and placed a pile of books neatly on the shelf. He pressed the corners together and lined them up perfectly. When he looked up, the good looking young guy, with sandy blond hair and pale blue eyes, was still smiling at him. “Sorry about that,” Roland said, shrugging his shoulders. “Don’t worry about it, man. The guys that usually bump into me are over seventy and have false teeth. You can bump into me anytime.” He wore tight jeans that made his crotch bulge. The jeans were torn and there was a large section of hairy thigh exposed up near his groin. His white cotton shirt was tight and his chest muscles popped like halved grapefruits. Roland raised one eyebrow and smiled. This new generation of gay men certainly was bold. “I’ll have to remember that,” He said. Roland inhaled again. The intoxicating smell of chocolate made him light-headed. “You do that, Baby.” Roland suddenly had a brilliant idea. “How would you like to make five hundred dollars in cash, for a few minutes of work?” “Ah, well,” the guy said, “I usually only make two hundred an hour. What do I have to do? I’m not into any weird, kinky shit, man. And I only top.”

7 Roland blinked. “You only top?” “Yeah, man,” he said. “I’m not into being a bottom, no matter how much the guy wants to pay. It’s just not my thing.” He stepped back and raised his hands; they were large and wide, like dinner plates. Roland laughed. “You’ve got it all wrong. I don’t want to pay you for that sort of thing; I don’t want sex from you. I just want you to stand across the street with me for a while and pretend to be my new boyfriend. My ex is over there with his new boyfriend, and I don’t want him to see me all alone on a Friday night.” Roland didn’t beg, and his voice wasn’t desperate. “Sure,” the man said, shrugging his shoulders. “Why not? Just let me tell my friend what I’m doing. She’s over there, at the back of the store.” He pointed toward an attractive young woman with long brown hair and large dark eyes standing under a black and white sign that read “Biographies.” From a distance, she could have doubled for Angelina Jolie. “I’ll wait here,” Roland said. He watched the man walk across the store, admiring his wide shoulders and muscular legs. Roland watched him say something to his friend. She looked back at Roland and frowned. He walked back to the front of the store. “Your friend looks upset,” Roland said. “Ah, don’t worry about Hillary,” he said, “She’s fine.” He looked back at her, smiled and waved. “Okay,” Roland said, “What’s your name?” He spoke fast, with determination. “Josh Holden.”

8 “Okay, Josh,” he said, “My name is Roland Marcus. Now, all you have to do is walk across the street with me, let me introduce you as my new boyfriend, and then we get lost as fast as we can. I don’t want to stand there and talk all day. The faster we leave, the better.” “And I get five hundred bucks for doing this?” Josh asked. “That’s right,” Roland said, “I live on West Eleventh, not far from here, and we’ll go back and I’ll get you the money.” “Cool.” When they crossed toward Magnolia, Roland found Kenneth and his new partner near the entrance, still in line. Kenneth lifted his arms in the air. “Well!” he exclaimed. “I thought you were trying to avoid me, Roland.” He stepped out of line and gave Roland a hug and kiss on the cheek. Kenneth was extremely tall; when he leaned forward and pressed his knees together he appeared about to curtsy. Roland stood back and shoved his hands into his pockets. “I had to get Josh. He was in the bookstore.” He noticed that Kenneth had gained a few pounds around the middle, and wore loose, baggy jeans too young for him. Nothing else had changed. His hair was still puffy, stiff, and dyed jet black. His eyebrows were still tweezed, and he still wore a hint of eyeliner. Kenneth had never been able to lose the style of the l980s. “You already know Marty,” Kenneth said. His voice went high and his gestures were overly animated. He didn’t seem to be ashamed in the least that Marty was the reason they ended their long-term relationship. “Yes,” Roland said, “We’ve met.” He smiled and nodded toward Marty. How could I forget Marty? he fumed. He slept with Kenneth for a year while we were still a couple.

9 Roland introduced Josh to everyone, but didn’t go into details. Kenneth looked at Josh and raised one eyebrow; Josh flashed a quick, nasty smile and leaned into Roland’s side. And after they’d all been introduced, Roland said, “Well, it was nice to see you. We have to run now.” Kenneth pressed his palm to his throat. “I’m sure we’ll see each other over the next week at the Ashley Foundation events.” Though he didn’t actively participate in anything for the foundation, Kenneth still sent in his annual $25 membership fee so he could attend all the events. Kenneth hated to miss social events—the charity aspect was always a second thought. “Will we be seeing more of Josh this week, too?” he asked. Roland froze. Josh smiled. “Oh, you’ll be seeing more of us both, I’m sure.” He reached back and slapped Roland on the ass so hard Roland’s entire body jerked forward. “That is, if Roland can still walk tomorrow after I get done with him tonight.” Roland took a deep breath and smiled. He wasn’t fond of public displays of affection. “Ah, well, good seeing you.” Then he reached back and yanked Josh’s hand off his ass. “Down, Boy.” As they walked away, Josh reached down again and squeezed a handful of Roland’s ass. The entire line of people, including Kenneth, saw him do this. When they rounded the corner and started walking toward Roland’s house, Josh shook his head. “What a fucking bitch!” “Kenneth isn’t that bad,” Roland said. “He has his good points.” People had been telling him Kenneth was no good for years, and he was always the first one to defend him.

10 Even though he knew their relationship wasn’t perfect, he’d been devastated when Kenneth dumped him for a younger man. Yet, he continued to defend him. “It’s none of my business,” Josh said, “But I didn’t expect him to be like that.” “Like what?” “Ah well, so flamboyant and in-your-face,” Josh said. “You seem like such a nice guy.” Roland laughed. “I’m not that nice, trust me.” “Did you see his face when I grabbed your ass?” Josh asked. “I thought he was going to drop dead right there on the street.” Roland smiled. “That reminds me. You can take you hand off my ass now; they can’t see us anymore.” He didn’t even like holding hands in public, but found Josh’s wide hand on his ass strangely exciting. Roland felt a tug in his groin. Josh removed his hand. “Sorry, man.” Roland stopped a few minutes later in front of a large brownstone, where a flight of wide steps led to a pair of highly polished double doors with brass hardware. To the left of the stairs, a black iron fence led down to a small courtyard with a well-landscaped container garden. Roland reached down to open the gate. “Hope you don’t mind going in through the kitchen. We’re not very formal around here.” Josh stared up at the large house, his mouth agape. “Man,” he said, “this place is something else. Hillary and I share a studio walk-up on Seventh Avenue South, above a little grocery store. But this is amazing.” Roland smiled and extended his right arm. “After you.”

11 The kitchen was larger than Josh and Hillary’s entire studio. The cabinets were African walnut, the floors beige marble, and the countertops an unusual type of brown granite with large, thick veins. The look was complemented by stainless steel appliances and a coffee machine that looked unnecessarily complicated. The only imperfect thing in the room was an old aluminum coffee pot that looked like something found at a tag sale. An older man, wearing black slacks and a white dress shirt, stood in front of the sink stacking the dishwasher. “I’m home, Russell,” Roland said. He spoke louder than usual so the old man would hear him. “Ah, I see,” Russell said. But when he turned toward them and saw Josh standing next to Roland, one eyebrow went up. The old man pressed his lips together tightly. “This is my friend, Josh,” Roland said, “and this is Russell. He’s been working for my family since I was in high school. He takes care of the house while I’m away.” Russell stepped into the middle of the kitchen and looked Josh up and down. His eyebrow was still raised, and he bit his bottom lip. “Hey, man,” Josh said to Russell. His hands were in his back pockets and he rocked back and forth on his heels. Russell didn’t reply. He looked at Roland and shook his head. Roland smiled. “We’ll be upstairs.” He turned to Josh. “Follow me.” “Catch you later, man,” Josh said to Russell. He followed Roland across the room and into a small hallway with a narrow wooden staircase. They ascended four flights of stairs, passing rooms with crystal sconces, white marble floors, and silver gilt furniture. When

12 they finally reached his fourth floor suite, Josh said, “I don’t think your guy Russell likes me very much.” “Russell is very protective,” Roland explained. “He got me through the rough times when Kenneth left me. Why don’t you have a seat? I’ll get your money.” He crossed through a pair of tall double doors. Josh sat very carefully on a white settee next to a white marble fireplace. The polished, dark floors were adorned with thick white carpets in various sizes, and white silk draperies fell in neatly arranged puddles. The furniture was a combination of modern design and antiques, with mirrored tables that had square, blunt angles mixed with French antiques trimmed in gold. Josh spread his legs wide and folded his hands between them. Roland returned carrying five $100 bills. “I really can’t thank you enough for tonight,” he said, handing the money to Josh. “I think we really surprised old Kenneth back there.” Josh smiled, reached forward, and ran his palm up the back of Roland’s leg. He squeezed his ass a few times. “I feel kind of guilty though,” Josh said seriously. “I should at least give you something extra.” His voice was low. Roland stepped back. “I really don’t expect you to do anything extra. We made a deal, and you fulfilled your end of it. I don’t like taking advantage of people. Trust me; I don’t need to pay for sex.” “With an ass like that, I don’t doubt you, man. Maybe I just want to get some of that.” Josh squeezed Roland’s ass hard and smiled. “You’re not exactly the romantic type, are you?” Roland chuckled.

13 Josh stood from the settee, leaned back, and pulled down his zipper. A long, thick erection sprang forward. He grabbed it with his right hand and said, “Man, does this look romantic enough for you? I slapped and squeezed that ass of yours enough times tonight to know that I’d like to get a piece of it. Seriously, if you hadn’t offered me money I’d still want to get some of that.” Roland smiled. “You don’t have to do this.” The way Josh spoke was a bit foreign; the men he’d been with since his break-up with Kenneth had all been white-collar professionals, either his age or a few years older. They used words like “indeed” too often and smelled like expensive aftershave. “I know I don’t have to do it,” Josh said, looking through the double doors Roland returned from and seeing a large bed. “I want to do it. Now go into the bedroom, take off your pants, and lie down on your stomach.” Roland laughed. “That’s it? Just take off my pants and lie down?” He’d been with many men, but never one so much younger than he was. Josh grabbed him by the waist and pointed him to the bedroom. “You can take off all your clothes, and spread your legs a little.” The bedroom was a continuation of the sitting area with a king-size bed, white rugs, and two mirrored bedside tables. Roland removed his white polo shirt first and kicked off his shoes. When he leaned forward to remove his socks, he saw Josh stripping down. The man’s naked chest bulged with thick, hard muscles. His arms were popped and rounded, and his dick looked huge. Roland stood up again, unbuckled his tan slacks, and stepped out of them. He wore a black thong that rode all the way up his ass. He worked out and jogged almost every day, which left his body slim and smooth. He had nice, round chest

14 muscles of his own. But with guys his own age or older, Roland knew he’d always be the attractive, sexy one. With Josh, he wasn’t quite sure how it would work. Josh stepped out of his ripped jeans and kicked them off his feet. He had that messyrough jock appeal. When he looked up and saw Roland standing there in a thong, he said, “That’s hot. You can leave the thong on if you want.” He rubbed his palms together and bit his bottom lip. Roland laughed and shook his head. “You’re the boss,” he said, and climbed up on the white bed to slowly rest his stomach against the mattress. He arched his back a little and spread his legs. Josh crossed toward the foot of the bed and ran his palm slowly up Roland’s left leg. “That’s so fucking hot. Your legs and ass are so smooth and tan.” Roland turned his head to the left. Josh’s legs were strong and muscular and covered with a fine, even layer of dark brown fleece. “I live on a boat in Florida,” Roland said, “and I have my entire body waxed.” The guys he was usually with preferred him smooth all over. “There are condoms and lube in the top drawer over there.” He pointed to a stand on the right. Josh climbed on the bed and reached across to open the drawer. He pulled out a condom and tube of lubricant. He covered his hard cock with the condom first, and then squeezed lube into Roland’s ass crack. Roland closed his eyes and sighed while Josh slowly rubbed the lube around the lips of his hole. Then Josh spread one ass cheek to the side, pulled the thong string out of the way, and started working his thick middle finger inside. Roland’s eyes rolled back and he stretched his arms as far forward as they would

15 go. He loved being dominated by strong men; and was always attracted to top men who loved to fuck a tight hole. Josh climbed on top of Roland, pressing his hairy legs against Roland’s smooth skin. Josh placed his hands on both sides of Roland’s head and rocked slowly, his huge dick sliding up and down Roland’s ass crack. When the tip of Josh’s cock found Roland’s opening, Roland closed his eyes and spread his legs wider. “There it is,” Josh whispered. His cock was solid rock; once the tip was inside he knew he could plunge to the bottom without any problem. When he was all the way in and his hairy balls were pressed against the bottom of Roland’s ass, he said, “Ah, yeah, man, I knew you’d be a great fuck; you didn’t even flinch.” Roland stuck out his tongue and licked Josh’s large hand. Though he’d had big dick before and he knew how to handle it, there was something different about Josh. Maybe it was the age difference: Roland had often fantasized about being with young guys, but had never actually done it. Josh fucked slowly at first. He slipped his cock almost all the way out and then hammered deeply. He fucked with his hips only, the rest of his strong body resting on top of Roland. Josh’s thick dick stretched Roland’s hole and rubbed against his prostate each time Josh went deep. When Josh bucked and rolled his hips faster, Roland bent his legs upward at the knee and curled his toes. Josh fucked Roland’s ass with slams so hard and intense, each time his dick went deep it sounded like applause. Pillows slid from the bed. The mattress squeaked. Roland’s head bobbed up and down with such force he couldn’t see straight. Josh just kept pounding and banging into his hole. “I’m gonna come!” Josh cried.

16 Roland reached down between his legs, pulled his dick out of the thong, and jerked himself off while Josh continued to fuck him. He didn’t have to jerk hard. “Go, man,” Roland growled. “I’m close, too.” Josh fucked harder. His hairy legs jerked and rubbed against the sheets. He grunted a few times, shoved his dick into Roland as far as it would go, and shouted: “Here it comes! Ah, yeah, here it comes!” Roland blew his load all over the white cover at the exact moment Josh filled the condom buried in Roland’s hole. A drop of sweat fell from Josh’s temple and landed on Roland’s cheek. “Man,” Josh whispered. “I could stay in there forever. You’ve got a great ass. When I pull my dick out I want to look at your hole. It’s different from other holes; easy to get into, but tighter than most.” His voice sounded serious and intense. Roland laughed. He’d heard that same comment from another man. One guy he met after his break up with Kenneth Said Roland’s ass was the closest thing to pussy he’d ever fucked. “I hope I can walk tomorrow,” Roland said to Josh. “At first I wasn’t sure you’d know what to do with that big dick. You proved me wrong.” “Dude, seriously, I know how to fuck.” Josh punched Roland hard on the ass. Roland squeezed his sphincter tightly around Josh’s cock. Josh’s eyes opened wide. “What the fuck was that?” “Just a little trick I learned a long time ago,” Roland said. He released Josh’s dick and forced it out of his hole. “Can I fuck you again?” Josh asked. “Man, if all my tricks were like you I’d love going to work.”

17 Roland laughed and tried to slide out from under Josh’s body. “Damn,” Roland said, smiling, “I can’t move. You really are a big boy. Get off of me so I can get some clean towels.” Josh rolled over on his back and lowered his eyes. The used condom hung from his semi-erect cock. The rubber’s tip was filled. Roland got up and walked to the bathroom. He returned a minute later with clean, white towels. “I’ve been thinking,” Roland said. “Are you busy this week?” “Why?” Josh pulled the used condom off his dick and tossed it onto the mirrored night stand. Roland made a mental note to flush the condom down the toilet—Russell wouldn’t like finding it there the next day. “I’d like you to be my escort all week,” he said to Josh. “I have to go to these charity events and you can go with me. You’ll stay here, of course, and we’ll start shopping for a new wardrobe tomorrow. I’ll pay you five thousand dollars. All you have to do is stand there and smile.” Josh lowered his eyebrows and thought for a moment. His big legs were spread wide and he rubbed his soft, meaty dick with the towel. “If I agree, can I get some more?” Roland cocked his head. “Some more what?” “Some more of that.” Josh reached around and patted Roland’s ass softly.

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Chapter Two

Russell walked into Roland’s bedroom early Saturday morning carrying an enormous, silver breakfast tray. He took slow, short steps so he wouldn’t trip on the edge of the thick, white rug. Russell’s smile accentuated the wrinkles along his cheeks and laugh lines around his eyes. The first thing Russell saw as he reached Roland’s bed was Josh’s naked, muscular body. The young man was uncovered and asleep on his back, with his big legs spread. His morning erection was so severe that the tip of his penis rested on his rippled stomach. Roland was sound asleep too, though covered from the waist down. His head was nestled into Josh’s shoulder. Russell’s entire body jerked back. He gasped, and his hands shook. A small glass of orange juice slipped from the tray and crashed onto the floor, causing Josh to bolt upright and raise his fists. What the fuck?” Josh shouted. Roland opened his eyes and jumped. When he saw Russell standing at the foot of the bed, slack-jawed, he laughed. “Good morning Russell,” Roland crowed. “I guess I forgot to mention that Josh would be spending the night.” He turned to Josh. “Put your fists down. It’s only Russell.”

19 Josh reached for the white sheets and pulled them up to his waist. The outline of his erection was still visible through the thin fabric. “Dude,” he said to Russell, “you scared me to death.” Russell ignored him. He placed the tray at the foot of the bed and turned toward Roland. “I’m very sorry. I’ll clean the mess right away.” “Just leave it until later, please,” Roland said. “We’re fine for now.” “I can see that,” Russell said. He looked down at Josh and frowned. Josh sank back into the bed and pulled the cover up higher. Roland smiled. “Thanks, Russell. Josh will be staying here this week, just so you know.” Russell blinked and opened his mouth, then hesitated. “Thank you,” he said. Russell took one last look at the erection between Josh’s legs and turned to leave. When he was gone, Roland reached under the cover and grabbed Josh’s balls. “Poor Russell,” Roland said, laying his head on Josh’s shoulder again. “I’ve known him since I was seventeen and I don’t think I’ve ever seen an expression like that on his face.” “I don’t think he approves,” Josh said. He spread his legs wider so Roland could massage his balls. “Just because he’s from England doesn’t make him better than me.” Roland laughed. “He’s not from England. He just has that proper Park Avenue accent like the old movie stars.” “Well, he’s pretentious,” Josh said. His voice was soft and low. The more Roland played with his balls, the more passive Josh became. “Not really,” Roland said. “He’s just protective.” “Ah, well.”

20 “Forget about him,” Roland said. “Let’s tea bag.” “Dude,” Josh said. “I fucked your brains out three times last night. You want more?” “Just a quickie before the day begins,” Roland said. He was silently amazed at his own stamina. He knew a lot of guys his age who took Viagra, but he’d evidently found a completely natural remedy for improving his erection: a good looking young guy with a big, juicy dick. “You don’t have to do a thing. Just lie back and smile.” Though he hadn’t expected to even have sex with Josh the night before, Roland couldn’t get enough of his dick now. “You want to wear my dick out?” Josh asked. “This is how I make a part-time living.” “What else do you do?” Roland asked. He’d been under the impression Josh was a full-time escort—and possibly a male stripper. “I work part-time at the bookstore with Hillary,” he said. “She’s the manager. We’re hoping to buy the business eventually.” “Of all the businesses you could buy,” Roland said, “why a bookstore?” “We like books, is all.” Josh shrugged. “I left home after high school and didn’t get a chance to go to college. I like to read, though.” “Where’s home?” “A very small town in Iowa,” Josh said. Roland liked that Josh was an avid reader, but was preoccupied with the young man’s balls. He pulled the white cover back to expose Josh’s naked body, leaned forward, and sucked both large balls into his mouth. Roland’s lips protruded and the sides of his face

21 bulged while he rolled Josh’s nuts around with his tongue. Josh closed his eyes and moaned. Roland lifted his head. “Jerk yourself off while I suck your balls.” Josh reached for his cock and jerked it slowly. Roland shoved both balls into his mouth again and sucked. He reached down and started jerking his own erection. Roland kept the ball sucking slow and easy, even when Josh jerked his dick faster. Josh’s balls smelled damp and musty because he’d been fucking all night; and tasted salty and tangy. When Josh’s ball sack tightened, Roland looked up and saw that Josh was jerking his dick and staring at Roland. Roland nodded his head and jerked his own dick faster. Josh was jerking so fast now his fist was hitting the side of Roland’s face. They came at the same time. Roland blew his load all over Josh’s legs; and Josh blew his all over his own stomach. Roland continued to suck for a few more minutes, until Josh’s eyes were closed and he started to moan again. When Roland finally released Josh’s balls, he looked up. “Is your dick okay?” He was smiling, and his lips were red and puffy. Josh reached down and ran his hand over the top of Roland’s head. “Never better.” The phone rang. Roland reached over Josh’s naked body and answered. It was Donna, a woman from the company that purchased Roland’s business a year earlier. She wanted to set up a meeting with Roland while he was in town. Since Roland sold the family business, he heard rumors that things were dreadful and his old clients missed him. Sales had been on a downhill slide for months. His family business was always personal; built around natural products and concepts that made women look and feel better. The clients didn’t trust the large corporation that took over. Sales were in a freefall. Roland didn’t

22 want to see the business he’d spent his life building crumble, but wasn’t sure he wanted to get involved with it again, either. He listened to Donna speak, and agreed to meet her early in the week to discuss the possibility of his return as a consultant. He hung up and turned back to Josh. “Let’s shower and get dressed now.” He had to take Josh shopping for a new wardrobe so he wouldn’t look out of place at the events for the Ashley Foundation. Roland knew that Kenneth—not to mention everyone else he knew—would be watching them both very carefully. Russell had the car ready in front of the house an hour later. He stood on the sidewalk next to the passenger door in a black cap, tapping his foot. Josh was flabbergasted when he and Roland left the house to discover a silver-blue Bentley Continental GTC parked at the curb. The top was down and the pale beige interior looked spotless. He shoved his hands into his pockets and stared at the car the same way Roland had stared at his dick the night before. “I didn’t expect you’d have a car like this,” Josh said. “I expected the typical Lincoln Town Car, black, with tinted windows.” “I’m glad you like it,” Roland said. “I wish Russell agreed with you.” He smiled at Russell. “He feels ridiculous behind the wheel.” Russell opened the door for them and smiled. “It’s a very fine car, Roland.” But then he sighed and rolled his eyes. Roland pushed the front seat forward and climbed into the back, followed by Josh. Russell sat down behind the steering wheel. Josh leaned forward and tapped him on the shoulder. “You look good driving this car, old boy, a regular race car driver.”

23 “Thank you, young man,” Russell said, staring straight ahead. “Where would you like to go?” he asked Roland. “Take us to Saks, Russell. I think we can get everything we need there.” He despised shopping, and avoided it whenever possible. “We can always stop off at Gucci or Versace afterward.” Josh sat back and folded his hands, snickering when he saw Russell put on a pair of black driving gloves. Josh looked at Roland and smiled. Russell slipped the Bentley in gear and stepped hard on the gas, and Josh’s head jerked back. He grabbed Roland’s leg with such force his knuckles turned white. “Did I mention Russell really was a race car driver many years ago?” Roland asked as they screeched away from the curb. The car sped down West 11th Street. Russell gripped the wheel and leaned forward, concentrating on the road ahead. Josh’s face was white. He held the bottom of the seat with his other hand. “This guy’s a maniac!” he hissed to Roland. “He’s gonna kill us all.” Roland reached down and patted Josh’s leg. “Don’t worry. He’s the best driver I’ve ever known. Just sit back and relax.” Russell steered the car uptown at a record-breaking pace while Roland patted Josh’s leg reassuringly and Josh pressed both feet to the floor as hard as he could. Russell never looked into the rear view mirrors once; he didn’t turn his head left or right. He just focused on the road in front and plowed through the city with complete ease. The car weaved in and out of lanes to avoid buses and delivery trucks. Taxi drivers threw their arms out of windows and flipped Russell the finger. Old women pulling shopping carts jumped back on the curb. A guy walking two dogs saw the Bentley coming and ran so

24 fast across the street the dogs couldn’t keep up with him. A pretzel vender had to jump up on his stand to avoid being run over. All the lights were yellow. Russell ran them without a second thought. By the time they reached Saks and the car came to a loud, violent halt, Josh’s face was red and there was an indentation in the leather seat from where he’d been squeezing. Russell climbed out first and opened the passenger-side door. He pressed his lips together tightly to hold back a huge smile. Roland laughed. He knew Russell was a fast driver, but also knew Russell purposely drove extra fast to frighten Josh. Josh bolted from the back seat. “Is everything alright?” Russell asked. “Everything is fine,” Roland said, stepping onto the sidewalk. “I’ll call you when we need the car again. He glared at Russell and shook his head. Russell put on his most innocent expression and shrugged. “I’ll be close by.” At first the sales people in Saks ignored Josh. They saw a good looking (but obviously broke) young guy, dressed in torn, generic jeans and a tight shirt. When Josh asked a salesperson in men’s formalwear where the 42-longs were and the guy replied, “Somewhere over there,” without looking up, Roland deemed it time to take control. He tapped this salesperson on the shoulder. “My name is Roland Marcus. I have an account here and I’m shopping today with my friend. We’re going to purchase a great deal of merchandise from your store today and I know you will do everything to ensure this is a wonderful experience.” He pulled a $100 bill from his pocket and placed it in the man’s hand.

25 The salesperson stepped back and smiled. “Of course, Mr. Marcus. I’ll personally assist with everything to be sure you are both satisfied.” He turned to Josh, “I’ll show you to your size, and then we’ll have everything fitted perfectly.” Josh looked down at the floor and smiled. “Thank you.” Josh was a perfect forty-two long and the jackets hardly needed any alterations. Roland didn’t like buying dinner jackets off the rack, but there wasn’t time to have custom ones made. It was a little more difficult to fit Josh with slacks: his waist was narrow and his legs were so long and muscular everything had to be altered to the point of being re-cut. But the tailor promised everything would be delivered to the house in plenty of time for the formal events. Roland picked up a few suits, dress shirts and ties for Josh. Roland knew Josh wouldn’t need all the outfits that week, but liked buying things for him. Josh was exceedingly kind to the salespeople, thanking them profusely and offering to carry things back to the racks. He looked to Roland for advice: “Do you like this?” he’d ask. “Are you sure it’s not too expensive?” Roland sat back and smiled while Josh modeled the clothes. He looked better than a professional male model. The transformation had Roland hornier by the minute. When it came time to buy a few casual items, Roland joined Josh in the large dressing room to try on a pair of jeans. While Josh picked through a pile of pants on a shelf in the corner, Roland stripped. When Josh turned around to ask Roland’s opinion about a pair of jeans, he found Roland stark naked, with a grin on his face and an erection between his legs. “We could get into trouble for this,” Josh said with a wicked grin. “Arrested, even.”

26 Roland reached for Josh’s hands and placed them on either side of his ass. “I’ll bail you out.” He looked down and placed his hand on Josh’s crotch, feeling his dick grow. “You’re excited, I can feel it.” Josh pulled Roland forward hard, pressing Roland’s naked body against his. “You look so fucking hot standing there naked like that,” Josh said. “I want to fuck you so bad, but we don’t have condoms.” Roland pushed Josh back. “I figure that as long as I’m in Saks, I might as well get a good facial.” He dropped to his knees on the dressing room floor and unzipped Josh’s new khaki slacks. First he sucked Josh’s balls for a few minutes, while Josh leaned back against the dressing room wall and closed his eyes. Then Roland slowly ran his tongue all the way up the bottom of Josh’s dick. When Roland’s tongue reached the head of the big cock, he opened his mouth wide and eased the head into his mouth. He wrapped his lips around it and sucked until strange noises came. It was a wide cock head and filled the opening of his mouth. Josh spread his legs wider and held the sides of Roland’s head. Roland opened his mouth wide and swallowed Josh’s entire shaft until it hit the back of his throat. It was the first time he’d tasted Josh’s dick; it was salty and sweet, just like his balls. Roland’s cheeks indented and he sucked again, until the head rested on the tip of his tongue. He pressed his palms against Josh’s thighs and the sucking became more intense; Josh held the sides of his head and bucked his hips forward. Roland didn’t want to get him off this way; he only wanted to bring Josh to the edge so he could jerk off all over his face. But Roland couldn’t stop sucking.

27 A few guys walked by and stopped when they heard slurping sounds coming from the dressing room. Roland swallowed back and sucked with less intensity. A knock came outside the dressing room wall. “I though I’d bring this pair of jeans for you to try on, too,” the salesman said from the hall. “I thought you’d like them.” He pulled the curtain open. The salesman looked down and saw Roland stark naked on the floor, Josh’s large dick in his mouth. He dropped the jeans and pressed his hand to his throat. Roland reached to his left, pulled another $100 bill from his pants, and handed it to the man. Then he closed his eyes and started sucking again. The salesman winked at Josh and closed the curtain. A moment later, Roland could feel Josh ready to blow his load. He stopped sucking and grabbed his own dick. “Jerk off on my face,” he whispered. He closed his eyes and pressed his lips together, pointing his face up toward Josh’s huge, throbbing erection. Josh looked down with a surprised expression, and Roland opened his eyes, nodding yes. It only took a few tugs before Josh dropped a fresh load of cream all over Roland’s face. It hit his right cheekbone and the bottom of his chin. When Josh slapped his dripping cock against his cheek, Roland shot his own load right between Josh’s legs. It landed on the dressing room wall. Roland looked up, his face oozing with Josh’s come. “That was really hot.” He’d done a lot with men—from the backseats of cars to the back rooms of nightclubs—but he’d never sucked a guy off in a public dressing room.

28 Josh shoved his dick back into his pants and smiled. He looked down and saw Roland still kneeling there, come all over his face. “That’s because you are one hot guy,” he said to Roland. “You’d be a big hit in my profession. The old guys would love you.” Roland grabbed his underwear and wiped his face clean. Josh’s come smelled fresh and syrupy, like floral-scented bleach. “C’mon, let me get dressed and we’ll go raid Versace. We still need shoes.” Roland buried his face between Josh’s legs and kissed his crotch.

29

Chapter Three

When the telephone rang Sunday morning, Roland had to crawl out from under the covers answer it. They’d knocked the phone—and the lamp—off the table the night before while Josh fucked Roland over the side of the bed. Roland was learning quickly that he didn’t care much for long, drawn-out foreplay; he preferred the hard fucking to start the minute the cock was inside his hole. Although it was already 9 a.m., Josh didn’t move. He grabbed his cock with one hand and grabbed a handful of Roland’s ass with the other. He yawned and stretched his legs, running his middle finger up and down Roland’s ass crack. Josh seemed mesmerized by the fact that there was no hair there. “Hello?” Roland said, raising his voice as Josh’s finger probed his hole. “Hey, Doll,” his ex Kenneth cooed. He called everyone “Doll.” Sometime in his early 30s, he reinvented himself as a quasi, free-spirited Tallulah Bankhead type; with a cigarette in one hand and a glass of champagne in the other. “Oh, how are you?” “Well, you don’t sound like you’re in a good mood.” “I was just sleeping. Sorry, Kenneth.” Josh rolled his eyes and slapped Roland hard on the ass. Roland jerked forward and gasped. “What was that?” Kenneth asked. “Did you fall?”

30 “I almost dropped the phone,” Roland said, turning to Josh and lowering his eyebrows. “Well, I just called to say hello and that I’d see you tonight at the Ashley Foundation dinner. I tried to get us at the same table, but I’m not sure they’ll do it.” Josh reached forward with both hands and grabbed Roland by the waist. He pulled back and Roland fell across his chest. Josh grunted a few times and lifted one of Roland’s legs high in the air. Roland had always been proper and predictable; but with Josh, he felt naughty and spontaneous. “What was that grunting noise?” Kenneth asked. “Sounds like you have a dog in the bed. Did you buy a puppy to keep you company, Doll?” “No. It’s not a puppy. I gotta go now!” Roland said. He hung up without giving it a second thought. He’d never hung up on Kenneth before. Josh lifted his leg higher and spread it to the side. “Why the hell is he calling you this early on a Sunday morning?” Roland sighed. “Who knows? He means well.” “I’ll bet,” Josh said. “He’s the typical starter wife.” Roland pressed his lips together. “Actually, when you think about it, I’m really the starter wife—even though I have the money. I’m not the one who left him for someone younger after twenty years. He left me.” Even after so much time had passed, when Roland thought about what Kenneth had done he felt the same awful tug in the pit of his stomach. “Forget about him,” Josh said. “Lift that other leg up high for me.”

31 Roland reached down and grabbed Josh’s dick. It was fully erect and ready to fuck. He shook his head. “We can’t fuck now. We’re all out of condoms.” “I’m HIV negative and disease free,” Josh said. If he’d had a tail it would have been wagging. “So am I. But I think it’s better to be safe than sorry.” Roland learned a great deal over the years from his involvement with the Ashley Foundation, and heard too many sad stories of people exposed to HIV because of one careless moment. Josh frowned but didn’t object. He lowered Roland’s leg. “Let’s go out and get more condoms. We can grab a bite to eat, too. I also need to stop by the bookstore and talk to Hillary. I haven’t called or talked to her since Friday night and she’s probably scared to death. I should really get a cell phone.” “Why on earth didn’t you just ask to use my phone?” Josh shrugged. “I didn’t want you to think I was taking advantage. You know how people are—they start by using the phone, and the next thing you know they’re in and out of the refrigerator all the time, and rearranging the living room furniture.” Roland sat up and placed the phone on Josh’s shrinking erection. “Here, call her while I take a shower. Say we’ll stop by in half an hour. And for the rest of this week, if there’s anything you need, please tell me. I’m not a mind reader, Big Boy.” The West Village was quiet that summer morning, with locals walking their dogs and perspiring joggers bouncing between the sidewalk and street. Josh and Roland walked over to Christopher Street and bought a month’s worth of condoms from a small cigar and newspaper store. Roland felt sexy and decadent asking the sales clerk for the condoms; and proud that someone might think a good-looking young guy like Josh was

32 plowing his 45-year-old ass on a regular basis. When they passed people on the street, more than a few heads turned to see who the two good-looking men were. Roland wore his typical white polo shirt and low rise jeans that made his ass look hot, and Josh had on his new olive slacks with a beige and white striped shirt from Versace. Though Josh’s hair was still damp from the shower and he hadn’t bothered to shave, anyone passing on the street might easily have assumed he was on his way to a modeling session. Next the men crossed back to Bleecker Street and the bookstore. Josh had called her from the house phone, but he’d only been able to leave a message. Roland smelled the aroma of vanilla and sweet cake frosting from Magnolia as they approached. It occurred to him that he was starving. “If I didn’t have to worry about getting fat,” he said, “ I’d have cupcakes for breakfast this morning.” Josh leaned forward conspiratorially. “Go ahead,” he whispered. “Have a cupcake for breakfast. The way I’ve been fucking you, you deserve it. Besides, I like to fuck a chubby ass. You could stand to gain a few pounds.” He reached back and patted Roland’s ass. Roland closed his eyes and inhaled, wondering whether Josh was pretending to be attracted to him because of their “arrangement.” He didn’t want to ask. “Well, I guess one cupcake wouldn’t hurt.” He already knew one wouldn’t be enough. “Let’s get a half dozen,” Josh said, “I’ll have a couple, and we can bring some back for old Russell. He’s another one who could afford to put some meat on his bones.” They bought eight: four chocolate with white frosting, and four vanilla with white frosting. Six went into a box, and Josh gobbled one down in two bites right there on the sidewalk. Roland carried the other one in his hand. They’d barely turned their backs on

33 the store when he sank his teeth into the thick, white frosting and bit down. He tried to be gentle and polite, taking small bites. But Roland’s mouth began to water and a sharp pain shot up the left side of his face as he chewed and swallowed. He was still chewing, white frosting all over his upper lip, as they crossed Bleecker toward the bookstore. “Why do you guys sell chocolate in a book shop?” Roland asked with his mouthful as he pulled the shop’s door open and was hit with the robust smell of cocoa powder. Josh laughed. “That was Hillary’s idea. She thinks that when books don’t sell, chocolate will. So far, she’s been right. She makes all the chocolates herself.” Hillary saw the men come into the store and walked toward them. Her cotton dress was plain white, with a black belt and a full skirt that fell loosely to her knees. Her shoes were flat, black ballerina slippers. She flipped a long shock of straight brown hair off her chest and smiled. Her nose was pinched and her lips were pressed tightly together. She placed her hands on her hips and started tapping her right foot. “Hey gorgeous!” Josh said, holding up the box of cupcakes. She stared at the box. “You know I don’t eat cake.” She wore a hint of lip gloss and a thick line of mascara that extended across her upper eyelid. There were wide, dramatic chunks of blond in her long, brown hair. Josh turned to Roland. “Hillary believes that cake is behind all the problems in the world. She never touches the stuff.” While he joked, Hillary pressed her index finger to her lips and stared up and down at his new clothes. They followed her through the main section of the store, where old books were stacked on square, mahogany tables and there was plenty of room for people to stand and browse in a leisurely manner. The space was extremely organized, with black and white

34 signs listing the topic of each book section. “This is a great store,” Roland told Hillary, who had seated herself on a tall stool behind the candy counter. “Thank you,” she said, staring down at a stack of papers on the counter and rifling through them. “Do you have a bathroom I could use?” Roland asked. Josh pointed toward a door in the right-rear corner of the shop. Roland crossed to the back and stepped into a small powder room with a pedestal sink and toilet. The floors were old wooden planks and the walls were covered with ancient, white subway tiles; but the sink was shining and the toilet bowl was spotlessly clean. In a small outlet near the toilet paper roller, a plug-in air freshener gave off a fake, flowery smell. Roland took his time washing his hands, assuming Josh would be filling Hillary in on their arrangement for the week. By the time Roland returned to the counter, Josh was telling Hillary, “I’ll call you and keep you posted about where I’ll be this week. We have to get moving now.” Roland stared directly into Hillary’s eyes. He’d been planning to buy chocolate, but her dirty looks made him want to get out of the bookstore immediately. “It was nice meeting you, Hillary,” he said, “I hope I get to see you again this week.” Roland extended his hand. Hillary smiled and looked him in the eye before putting her hand out and shaking his. “It was nice meeting you, too.” “Did anyone ever tell you look like Angelina Jolie?” Roland asked. He wanted to pay her a compliment, hoping to pull some warmth from her ice-cold body. She looked at him and raised an eyebrow. “All the time.” Her voice was soft and feathery, with hint of an accent Roland couldn’t quite place. He thought she was about to

35 say something else, but she hesitated. When Hillary stared at him, her almond-shaped eyes cut past the façade. Take care of him, they seemed to say, or I’ll take care of you. Roland suspected she as strong as she was beautiful. “I don’t think your friend Hillary likes me much,” Roland said to Josh after they were out the door and headed back toward the brownstone. Josh laughed. “She likes you as much as Russell likes me.” The men returned to the house to find Russell in the kitchen brewing a pot of tea. He looked up from the center island, eyed Josh’s new clothes, and returned his gaze to the teapot. This time he didn’t frown when he saw how animated and happy Roland seemed. Russell knew better than anyone that Roland hadn’t smiled much in the past year and a half. “We’ll be upstairs for the rest of the afternoon, Russell,” Roland said. Josh had placed the cupcake box on the island, but Roland picked it up without offering one to Russell. “Please have the car ready at six forty-five tonight,” Roland said. “I’ll be driving it, and we’ll return it to the garage ourselves. Oh—and someone will be dropping off a formal for Josh sometime this afternoon.” “I’ll be here,” Russell said. “I’ll leave the garment hanging here in the kitchen.” “Thanks, Russell.” Roland crossed the room toward the hallway, cupcake box in hand. Josh followed. When they reached the bedroom, Josh pushed Roland onto the bed. The cupcake box landed on top of the pillows. Josh fell on top of him and started pulling off Roland’s clothes. He removed the polo shirt first, then unzipped Roland’s pants and yanked them down. The loafers slipped off and the pants sailed across the room.

36 Josh bit his bottom lip. “I want to get some more of that right now.” He stared at Roland’s smooth legs. Roland rolled over on his stomach, arched his back, and spread his legs wider. In the 20-some years he’d been with Kenneth, he never did anything like this. Kenneth had always been the one who needed all the attention. It occurred to Roland again that Josh was probably just acting because of their “arrangement,” but he was having too much fun to care. Josh kicked off his shoes and he stripped down, too. He climbed on top of Roland’s back. “I love to rub my dick against you like this. I know this is going to sound really terrible, but I just want to do really dirty things to you.” He pressed his erection between Roland’s ass crack and bucked slowly. Roland’s eyebrows went up and he smiled. “That’s because you have a very dirty mind—though not as dirty as mine.” He pushed Josh down and pulled the box of cupcakes to the middle of the bed. Josh held his erect dick and watched Roland climb off the bed. He walked to his closet and pulled out a black necktie. When he returned to the bed, Roland opened the cupcake box and reached inside for a chocolate cupcake with white frosting. He pulled off the cupcake wrapper and tossed it back into the box. “Lie down on your back and close your eyes,” he said. Josh immediately complied. Roland blindfolded Josh with the tie. “You’re going to like this.” “Yeah, man,” Josh whispered. “Ride my dick now.” “Not yet. There’s something else I’ve been dying to do all morning.” Roland picked up the cupcake and broke it in half so that the frosting-covered top was one piece and the cake bottom was another. He tossed the cake bottom back into the box and reached

37 forward to grab Josh’s dick. Josh jerked. Roland rubbed the frosting over Josh’s cock. He massaged it on the shaft, and rubbed it all over Josh’s hairy balls. “Are you rubbing cupcake frosting on my dick?” Josh asked. Roland didn’t answer. He continued to spread the thick, white butter cream all over the shaft. When the entire nine-inch erection was coated with gooey white frosting, Roland leaned forward and started to lick it all off. He started at Josh’s balls and worked his way up to the head. Josh smiled. “Yeah, eat that shit.” He spread his legs wider and bucked his hips forward. His cock hit the side of Roland’s face and smeared frosting all over his right cheek bone. Roland opened his mouth wider and ate the frosting off the tip of Josh’s dick. His lips were covered with sticky goop. He swallowed the entire shaft. Cake and frosting pushed forward and smashed into Roland’s nose; he had to wipe his nostrils clean with the side of his hand so he could breathe. When he slowly began to slide the big dick in and out of his mouth, the smashed cupcake went everywhere. His hands were covered, and there was frosting on his forehead. Roland sucked the cupcake-covered dick so long the sides of his face started to ache. Kenneth had always hated it when Roland sucked for too long, but Josh didn’t seem to mind. Josh sat up. He fumbled around blindly for a minute, and found the cupcake box. He reached inside and pulled out a vanilla cupcake with white frosting. He grabbed Roland by the arm and shoved him onto his stomach. Josh took the cupcake, without removing the wrapper, and smashed it into Roland’s ass. Roland moaned and spread his legs, while Josh smeared cake and frosting from one end of his ass to the other. When he was finished, he leaned forward and began to eat the smashed cupcake off Roland’s ass.

38 “Now this is what I call a sweet ass,” he said, licking white frosting out from between Roland’s crack. “Fuck me,” Roland begged. His ass bucked. “Fuck me, Josh.” Josh lifted the cupcake box and dumped the remaining sweets out on Roland’s back before leaning forward and smashing them all over his body with his palms. Josh massaged them over the backs of Roland’s legs and feet; he pressed the cupcakes into his ass and kneaded the flesh with his fingertips. Josh buried his entire face between Roland’s ass cheeks and chewed and licked. He ran his tongue from the bottom of the crack all the way up to the small of Roland’s back. When Josh finally reached for the box of condoms on the night stand, Roland’s entire body was covered with ruined cupcake. “What do you want?” Josh asked, punching Roland’s ass hard. “Fuck me.” “You like it dirty and messy, don’t you?” “Yes, I want it dirty and messy. Fuck me,” Roland begged. His arms were stretched out and he clutched the pillows with his fingertips. Josh pulled the black tie above his eyes and covered his erection with the condom. He wiped frosting from Roland’s thigh on his dick so he could slide it in smoothly. He slapped his cock on Roland’s ass. “What do you want?” “I want your big fucking dick!” Roland shouted. “Don’t be gentle; just shove that big cock into my hole and fuck me.” Josh smiled. “Open those legs wide.” Roland’s hole was tight, but he knew how to take a big dick well. Josh stuffed the tip of his cock into Roland’s cupcake-covered hole and plunged inside with force.

39 Roland’s eyes rolled back and his toes curled. “Fuck me deep and hard; nail me to the fucking bed. Don’t go slow this time; just fuck me hard.” The bed bounced and jerked as Josh thrust into Roland. He pressed his palms on either side of Roland’s shoulders and bucked in and out though doing push-ups. Roland took control from the bottom by tightening his anal sphincter each time Josh went deep. They fucked this way without stopping, until Josh moaned. “I’m getting close now.” The fucking grew more intense and the slapping sounds against Roland’s ass became louder. “Go, Josh. I’m ready too.” Roland reached between his legs and wrenched his own dick. So far, with each fuck session they’d shared, they’d always been able to climax at the same time. Josh closed his eyes. “Here it goes.” He slammed into Roland’s ass and filled the condom. Roland jerked his dick a few times and came with Josh. He had a double orgasm; after he climaxed the first time he kept jerking his cock until he experience a smaller, less intense release. Josh fell on top of Roland. “That was really hot. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to eat a cupcake again without tasting your ass.” He bucked into Roland’s hole a few more times to be sure his dick was empty. “That was a fattening fuck,” Roland said. His body was covered with cupcake. The sheets were a mess. Josh laughed. “I told you I don’t care about that: I like fucking big ass. Besides, most of the cupcakes went up your ass today and I don’t think you can gain weight that way.” He reached down and squeezed Roland’s chest muscles hard with both hands.

40 “I’m curious about something, Josh. I know we have an arrangement and all, but when you talk about fucking me, and talk about my ass, are you serious or are you just acting?” He hated asking this, but he hadn’t expected to enjoy his time with Josh so much. “I’m not a very good actor,” Josh said. “But think about it from my point of view. How do I know you’re not just this rich guy using me as a stud service?” Roland smiled. “I’m not a very good actor, either. If I had been, I’d probably still be with Kenneth. Don’t get me wrong, I love him dearly, and I’d do anything for him; but things weren’t good in the bedroom for a long time. That was probably my fault. After all, he left me for a younger guy.” Josh slapped Roland’s ass hard. “Fuck that! There’s nothing wrong with you in the bedroom. You’ve got one of the hottest asses I’ve ever tagged. The problem with you and Kenneth, if you don’t mind a little outside observation, was that you’re both bottoms.” “Hey,” Roland said, “I can fuck when I want to. I could fuck you if you let me.” “I told you, I’m only a top,” Josh said, “And just because you ‘could’ fuck me don’t mean you’d be good at it.” Roland sighed and looked at the clock on the night stand. He was amazed to see it was nearly 2 p.m. Time passed quickly. There had been times with Kenneth when 10 minutes felt like 10 days. “Stay inside as long as you can,” Roland said, “and then we’ll take a long, hot shower and then a long nap.” “Just close your eyes and relax for now,” Josh said. “Enjoy my dick as much as I’m enjoying your ass.”

41

Chapter Four

It took Roland more than an hour to get dressed for the dinner. He spent an inordinate amount of time fussing in the bathroom with his short brown hair. It was thick and wiry, and the little turned-up wave above his forehead wasn’t easy to manage. He took time to apply a light bronzer (from his own company) to hide any signs of aging. He sighed when he buttoned the trousers of his black formal: They were about two inches too loose now. He hadn’t worn them in more than a year and forgot about the weight he lost since his break-up with Kenneth. Thankfully, the black jacket still fit perfectly. Josh lay in bed watching a ballgame on TV until 10 minutes before they had to leave. Then he got up, ran his fingers through his hair a few times, and put on the new black Versace Russell left hanging in the kitchen. Roland’s eyebrows went up as he watched all this from a mirror in the bathroom. The pants went up over Josh’s hairy muscular legs perfectly, and the shirt hugged his V-shaped torso as though it had been sewn to his body. He made it all seem effortless: just button the shirt and zip the pants. He didn’t even use a mirror to knot his black tie. In less than five minutes, Josh stood in the bathroom doorway with his hands in his pants pockets as if he’d just stepped out of a fashion magazine, asking Roland if he was ready. Roland turned to face him. “Damn,” Josh said. “You look really good.” His blue eyes scanned Roland’s body. “I’m not just saying that. You really look fantastic.” Roland thought his face looked a little puffy, and was worried that the wave above his forehead was too spiky. But his biggest concern was that he might be mistaken for Josh’s

42 father rather than his date. “Thank you,” Roland said. “You look good, too.” In fact, Josh looked so good Roland felt the urge to unzip his pants and suck him off right there on the bathroom floor. “Where are we going tonight?” Josh asked. He leaned into the door jamb, kicking the marble tile with the tip of his shoe. “A place called The Park Side,” Roland said, taking one last look in the mirror to make sure he hadn’t applied too much bronzer. “C’mon. I’ll race you downstairs.” Russell stood in the street next to the car as Josh and Roland came outside. He had his signature somber expression on his face: that puckered, pinched look that implied he may have been weaned on a sour pickle. His gray eyes sparkled when he saw Roland jogging happily down the front steps, and smiled for the first time since Josh had been there. “It’s so good to see you going out, Roland,” Russell said. “It’s good to have you back to normal and home again where you belong.” He shot a quick looked at Josh, who was brushing a small piece of lint from the back of Roland’s jacket. Roland patted the old man on the back. “It’s good to be home, Russell.” Josh rushed out on the street, stepped in front of Russell, and opened the car door for Roland. Russell stepped back and rubbed his jaw a few times, seemingly surprised by Josh’s chivalry. Roland fumbled with the ignition a few times before he started the Bentley’s engine. He looked sheepishly at Josh. “I’m not familiar with this car,” he explained. “I’ve only driven it twice.” He looked up at Russell. “Where are the lights again?” Josh’s eyes widened and he checked to be sure his seatbelt was fastened. “Got it,” Roland said, and slipped the Bentley into gear. He hit the gas pedal so hard Josh’s head hit the back of the

43 seat. The tires screeched and a man walking down the street jumped up on someone’s front steps. Roland smiled, but he also leaned forward over the steering wheel. He gripped the wheel so tightly his knuckles turned white. When they came to a stop sign at the end of the street, his foot hit the brake pedal with too much force. Josh reached out and pressed his palms against the dashboard. “Dude,” Josh said, “When was the last time you drove a car?” “Don’t worry,” Roland said, “I’m a great driver. I learned everything I know from Russell.” “I was afraid of that,” Josh said, remembering their shopping trip. Roland stepped on the gas and pulled out onto the avenue with another loud screech. “This place is on the Upper West Side. I think we’ll go through the park instead of taking the Henry Hudson. It’s more scenic.” The men traveled through the city at top speed. Josh held the seat and pressed his feet to the floor. Unlike Russell, who tended to keep a constant pace when he drove, Roland had a habit of repeatedly stepping on the gas pedal and then releasing it so it felt like the car was jerking forward all the time. He also had a tendency to lean to the left side of the road, which made approaching cars swerve to the right. When people walking saw him approach, they jumped back and hid behind parked cars. Roland weaved in and out of lanes, came close to side-swiping buses, and hit every pothole and manhole cover between the West Village and Upper West Side. When they crossed through the park and rounded a curve, he drove so fast the back end of the car fishtailed. By the time they reached Central Park West, Josh’s eyes were closed and he was held the door handle with both hands.

44 Park Side did not have a park-side setting at all. There were no trees or benches or duck ponds, and there wasn’t a blade of grass to be found. The entire place was a tribute to concrete. It was actually just an old parking garage that had been converted into a large, upscale restaurant. When Roland pulled up to the valet, Josh asked, “Are you sure this is the right place?” He took a deep breath and smoothed out his slacks. “I’m sure,” Roland said. It’s not The Plaza, but I think you’ll like it.” Though Roland had traveled the world for many internationally known charities, his true passion remained with the Ashley Foundation. It didn’t have the celebrity appeal that made headlines all the time, and it didn’t attract heavy publicity-seekers; but Roland helped start the organization more than 20 years earlier, back in the days when very few people were willing to acknowledge or help men and women with HIV/AIDS. Over the years, Roland had prepared food in hot kitchens, organized free counseling, devoted his time to fundraisers, and donated a great deal of his own money. The most recent project, one that almost consumed him, was to make sure men and women with HIV/AIDS had access to anti retro-viral drugs. Without insurance, the cost of these drugs could run well over $3,000 a month. Back in the early days, the Foundation provided assistance and improved the quality of life for those dying AIDS victims. But the organization had evolved, and now also focused on helping people stay alive with the proper medications. The interior of Park Side was as stark as the exterior. Concrete walls were layered into sections, dividing bar areas from eating areas and banquet rooms from dancing rooms. The floors were solid concrete. Roland led Josh through the dimly lit main space

45 and up two flights of concrete stairs, where a sign outside a double door read, “The Ashley Foundation.” People flocked to Roland the moment he stepped inside the room. He took a deep breath and smiled, feeling shaky. He hadn’t been to any events since he and Kenneth broke up. Josh stepped aside while the men shook Roland’s hand and patted him on the back. Women in designer dresses kissed him on the cheek and told him how wonderful it was to see him again. Roland smiled awkwardly, repeatedly looking at Josh and shrugging his shoulders. Josh smiled and waved, and Roland reached out for his hand and pulled him closer. He didn’t want to be alone. Roland was about to introduce Josh to the new treasurer of the foundation when a deep, loud voice shouted from behind: “Doll, there you are.” Kenneth grabbed Roland from behind and hugged him. He turned his back to Josh and said, “I was worried you wouldn’t show up tonight, Doll.” He was chewing gum because he wasn’t allowed to smoke at the gala. His black hair was puffier than usual, and he’d had his eyebrows tweezed and shaped into thin, high arches. His new lover stood silently off to the side, sipping a martini. His tuxedo had that rented look— wrinkled and too long in the sleeves—and his hair was long and shaggy. “I wouldn’t miss anything for this foundation,” Roland said, nodding to Kenneth’s lover. The lover didn’t look very intelligent up close. He had scruffy, sexy appeal (probably a big dick, too), but it was the kind of appeal you might settle for at the end of the night when there was no one better in the bar. Roland clenched his teeth, wondering yet again what Kenneth saw in him.

46 Josh smiled and tapped Kenneth on the back. “It’s nice to see you again.” He wasn’t going to be ignored completely. Kenneth turned his head and looked into Josh’s eyes. “Do I know you?” It was a bitchy thing to say: When you met a guy like Josh, you didn’t forget him. Roland sighed. “This is Josh,” he said. “You met him the other night while we were walking down Bleecker Street.” He knew Kenneth well enough to know when he was faking. His voice took on a sing-song tone, and he became more outrageously affected than usual. “That’s right. How could I forget?” No sooner had the words left his lips than Kenneth turned his back on Josh again and put his arm through Roland’s. “Come with me,” he said. “There is someone who is dying to see you on the other side of the room.” Roland looked quickly at Josh. “Go on,” Josh said, smiling. “ I’m fine. I’ll get a drink and wait here near the table. Can I get you anything?” “A very large martini,” Roland said over his shoulder as Kenneth dragged him across the room. The two couples were seated at the same table. Whenever Josh opened his mouth to speak, Kenneth interrupted. If Josh came within an inch of Roland, Kenneth was there to sweep Roland away to another corner of the room. Marty, Kenneth’s new lover, just sat at the table looking at his watch and downing one martini after another. Josh tried to be friendly and get to know him better, but the guy only answered with shrugs and grunts. The food was bland, the room too noisy, and the chairs too small for a man as large as Josh. The only person Josh knew besides Roland was an older man who hired Josh for a massage with a happy ending a year earlier. He followed Josh to the bathroom and

47 handed him a business card. “My back has been acting up lately,” he said. Josh smiled and put the card in his pocket. The highlight of the night was when Roland stood and gave a small speech. He was the last one left from the original group that started the Foundation. He was the only one who wasn’t HIV positive; the others were all gone now. He took a deep breath and sighed, remembering all the people he lost over the years. The entire room went silent. People sat up straight and stared at him with shimmering eyes. A man sitting across from Josh turned to his wife and whispered, “He could run for President. He reminds me of John F. Kennedy.” The wife responded, “But much better-looking.” Josh stared at the way Roland moved his hands and the way his eyes looked out over the crowd so effortlessly. He spoke with passion about his goals for the Ashley Foundation, and thanked everyone who supported it over the years. Just before the end of the speech, Roland looked over and winked in Josh’s direction. He may have been smiling at the crowd when they stood to give him a standing ovation, but the only thing he was thinking about was Josh’s dick. After the final speaker of the night, a little before midnight, Roland leaned into Josh. “Let’s go,” he hissed. Kenneth saw them stand, and got up from his chair. “You’re not leaving now, are you, Doll?” His throaty voice was slurred; he’d been sucking down martinis all night. He tried to come around to the other side of the table, but his big feet got tangled in the chair. Kenneth fell into Marty’s shoulder. Josh laughed. “What’s wrong, Doll. Too many olives?” It came out too fast, as if he’d been waiting for Kenneth to stumble all night.

48 Roland’s eyes popped. “It’s been a long day,” he said. “But I thought we could all go out somewhere afterward, Doll,” Kenneth said. Josh put his arm around Roland’s waist and pulled him closer. Roland leaned into Josh’s side, placed his palm on his chest, and said, “We really have to go. We’ll see you later in the week, at the black tie bingo event in Brooklyn Heights.” They left without hugging Kenneth; but Josh blew him a kiss. Roland waved goodbye to a few people he knew and moved quickly through the building. He’d donated a great deal of money, given his speech, and smiled all night; now it was time to get Josh into bed. Josh and Roland waited for the car in front of the building. “You must be tired from all this,” Josh said. “I don’t mind driving.” His hands were in his pockets and he bounced on the balls of his feet while looking at the ground. “I’m okay,” Roland said. “I don’t mind driving.” Josh smiled and took Roland’s hand. “Man, please let me drive. I don’t know if I can survive another trip downtown with you behind the wheel.” When the valet brought the car around and gave Roland the key, he handed it over to Josh. “Let’s go back through the park,” he said. “And I think you’d better put the top up and turn on the air conditioning.” The formal suit made his body itch, and small beads of perspiration dotted his hairline. But that wasn’t the only reason he wanted the top up. Josh was good with mechanical things. He had the top up in seconds. Almost as quickly, Roland had his face buried in Josh’s crotch. “Just relax and drive,” Roland murmured. “You’ll like this.”

49 He slowly removed all his clothes and tossed them into the backseat. Once naked, Roland reached over and unzipped Josh’s black slacks. Josh’s eyes were wide; he kept looking back and forth between the road and Roland’s naked body. “This could be dangerous,” Josh said. But by that time Roland already had Josh’s fully erect cock in his right hand. “You don’t seem very nervous,” Roland said. “Your dick is as hard as a rock. You like it.” He banged the rigid cock against his lips a few times. Josh sighed and spread his legs wider. Roland didn’t waste time with a great deal of cock play that night. He wanted this to be a simple (but excellent) blow job; just a little something performed purely for Josh’s pleasure. He felt a little guilty about leaving him alone all night, and was amazed at how well Josh handled himself. He hadn’t spoken much all night, but the few things he did say came off as bright and articulate. Roland slowly leaned forward, one knee on the cream leather seat and the other on the floor. He placed his palms gently on Josh’s hard, hairy thighs and buried his face in his damp crotch. He inhaled the tangy aroma of Josh’s balls as if they were a wildly expensive perfume, licked them a few times, and sighed. Roland he wrapped his warm lips around the head of Josh’s cock and slowly went down the shaft. He pressed his tongue against the bottom and sucked it all the way to the back of his throat. He began a quick, rhythmic suction, as if his mouth had been electronically designed for nothing but sucking cock. He could tell Josh was excited and already near the edge; his salty precome started to appear in small, clear drops. Roland swallowed back and sucked harder.

50 Josh stopped for a red light and waved at a tall, young guy walking a large, black dog. Then he placed his palm on Roland’s head. “I’m getting close.” The car inched forward and Roland sucked faster. His cheeks depressed and his lips puffed; he reached between his own legs and jerked his cock with the same rhythm he used to suck off Josh. Roland’s entire jaw, tongue and lips were sucking now. He sucked hard and fast while jerking his own dick, and in no time sensed that Josh was ready to shoot a load into his mouth. Josh’s long legs moved back and forth. He gripped the steering wheel and leaned back against the seat so he could ejaculate. The car swerved to avoid someone on a bicycle. Then a taxi driver blew his horn and shouted to Josh, “Fuck you! Move the fuck over, Asshole!” While the aggressive driver shouted pejoratives at the Bentley, Roland drained Josh’s balls and jerked his own load under the front seat. Josh came so ferociously his mouth opened wide and his body spasmed up and down. He pressed his palm against the back of Roland’s head. “Ah, yeah.” It was a huge load that hit the back of Roland’s throat. He closed his eyes and swallowed every drop. When Josh’s cock was all clean and neatly packed back into his black slacks, Roland sat up in his seat. “You taste sweet,” he said, “like cupcakes.” Roland’s jaw was a little sore and his lips felt puffy. “I told you,” Josh said, “I’m safe. I’m HIV-negative and disease-free. If you want, I’ll get a test to prove it so you don’t have to worry.” “I’ll call my doctor and make an appointment for early this week,” Roland said. “For both of us. I know I’m negative too, but it can’t hurt to be completely sure. Then you can fuck me without condoms for the rest of this week.”

51 Josh sat back and smiled. They were driving down Seventh Avenue South by then and were close to home. When they stopped at another red light, Josh smacked Roland’s naked leg and said, “Damn. That was the best blow job I’ve ever had. I’ll admit that I don’t like giving blow jobs all that much, but I sure like getting them.” “Thank you.” “Ah, Roland,” Josh said. “Maybe you should put your pants back on now.” Roland looked down at his body and smiled. He slowly turned around and reached into the backseat for his pants. “I hope no one saw anything,” he said, ass high in the air as he groped in the dark for his clothes. His legs spread wide. Josh laughed and pointed toward the street corner where pedestrians waited for the light to change. “No one but that old guy over there, who is now staring at your ass and licking his lips.” Roland turned quickly. An older man stood on the corner, both hands in his pockets, staring down into the car. The light changed. Josh hit the gas pedal hard. The parking garage where Roland housed the car was on Bleecker Street, not far from Magnolia Bakery. Roland had stuffed his socks and tie into his coat pocket. His lips were red, his shirt hung out of his pants, and his hair messed. They got out of the car and Josh handed a handsome young parking attendant the keys. The young guy looked Roland up and down very slowly and smiled. Josh placed his palm on the small of Roland’s back as though claiming his prized possession, and led him out the garage door. “I think that young parking attendant wants to get into your pants,” Josh said when they were on the sidewalk. “Really,” Roland said. “I hadn’t noticed.” But of course he had.

52 Josh laughed. “Half the people in that restaurant tonight wanted to get into your pants. You’re like their hero or something.” “Did that bother you?” Josh reached down and grabbed Roland’s ass. “Why should it bother me? First, we have an arrangement. And second, I’m the one going home with you tonight.”

53

Chapter Five

Josh and Roland promised each other they wouldn’t fuck again until they’d seen the doctor and had HIV tests, because Roland wanted Josh to fuck him raw the next time. But the next morning Josh woke with a powerful hard on, quietly covered it with a lubricated condom, and reached down between Roland’s legs with two fingers to spread his ass cheeks apart. When Josh’s fingertips probed the lips of his hole, Roland immediately pointed his toes to the ceiling and opened his legs as wide as they would go. He thought about rolling over and spreading his legs. He knew Josh preferred fucking him on his stomach (most top guys he knew did), but this was his favorite position because he could see the ever-changing expression on Josh’s young face when he came. After the hour-long fuck session, Josh showered and Roland called his doctor and made an 11 a.m. appointment. This doctor had been his personal physician for many years; and when he heard why Roland wanted to see him, he fit him in that morning between appointments. Then Roland called Donna, the woman who wanted to meet with him to discuss his returning to work for the company he sold. He made a 1 p.m. appointment for lunch at a restaurant in Chelsea and reminded her that he wasn’t sure he even wanted to return on a part-time consultant basis. Roland had been the only child of elderly parents; and when they died, he took over the family business. He had been only 20 years old then, fresh out of college. But in spite of his youth, Roland took the small, profitable company and turned it into a global enterprise that employed thousands of people by the time he was 30. The natural

54 cosmetics were sold everywhere, from Saks Fifth Avenue to QVC. The only reason he sold the business was because the offer had been too good to refuse; you don’t find $400 million dollars on the street every day of the week. The timing had been right, too. Kenneth had just left him and Roland was desperate for a life change. When they went downstairs later that morning, Russell offered to get the car. Roland told him they wouldn’t need it. The doctor was within walking distance, and he could take a cab to lunch. Josh and Roland waited in the doctor’s office for almost an hour before getting their rapid HIV tests. The doctor also took traditional blood samples that needed to be sent to a lab. They both tested negative with the rapid test, but the doctor warned that the best way to know for sure was still with the blood sample. The whole process took about a week, he said, but promised to speed things up so results could be had in a day or two. He promised to call the moment the results arrived. They were both smiling as they left. It was almost 1 p.m., and Roland knew he had to hurry to make his meeting with Donna. “You can come to lunch with me, if you want,” he told Josh on the street. “Though you might be bored out of your mind.” “I’ll go back down to Bleecker and spend some time with Hillary,” Josh said. “You go and have a good lunch. Meet me at the bookstore when you’re through.” “I don’t know how long this might last,” Roland said. It occurred to him that this was the first time he and Josh would be apart since Friday night. He didn’t mention this out loud though – this was a business deal, not the beginning of a relationship. “You can always go back to the house if you get bored.”

55 Josh smiled. “I’m fine. I like being at the bookstore, and I’ve got a lot to gossip about with Hillary.” He leaned forward and placed his hand on the small of Roland’s back. Josh pulled him toward his chest and whispered, “And just think: It won’t be long now before I can get into your pants without a condom.” Josh spun around and loped down the street. Roland watched him go and smiled. Josh walked with heavy, bold steps like a football player pounding onto the field before a big game. Josh was the guy Roland had always been attracted to in high school and college; he was the perfect fit. The restaurant in Chelsea was called The Parlor. The host proudly told Roland the space was a converted building that had been a funeral parlor during the early part of the 20th century. Roland walked through the restaurant looking for Donna’s table. The entire place was stark and modern, with a Japanese Zen theme. The Parlor had bleached, hardwood floors, aluminum furniture, and long rows of bamboo between the tables. A tall, thin woman in her mid-30s stood from a small table near a waterfall when she saw Roland. She had long, blond hair with a zigzagged part running down the center, and wore a stylish pair of eyeglasses. Her pale gray suit was tailored. When she smiled, Roland could see she was wearing one of his company’s trademark lipsticks. She extended her right arm. “I’m Donna. It’s nice to finally meet you. I’ve heard nothing but excellent things about you, Mr. Marcus.” “Thank you,” Roland said. “It’s nice to meet you, too. Please, call me Roland.” His stomach churned a little, and he wanted to turn around and run from the room. He’d been expecting an obnoxious, pushy type, with an expensive haircut and pinched lips. Instead, he knew at once he was going to like this woman: Her smile was warm and honest, and she gripped his hand firmly. It would be more difficult to turn down someone he liked.

56 “Actually,” Donna said, laughing, “all I’ve been hearing is your name for the last year. You have no idea how much you’ve been missed.” “Ah well.” Roland sat down in the seat across from Donna. “This looks like a wonderful place,” he said, changing the subject. “I’ve never been here.” Donna leaned forward and lowered her voice. “I’ve never been here, either. One of the VP’s recommended it. Please don’t blame me if it’s awful.” “It’s fine,” Roland said. “Besides, we’re not really here for the food anyway.” They ordered California rolls. Donna wasted no time explaining that the parent company was willing to hire Roland back on a full-time consulting basis to run the entire natural cosmetic line; the very same company he sold for $400 million. He wouldn’t have to answer to anyone, the salary was beyond anything he expected, and he could run the business as if he never sold it. Or course, Roland would have to leave his yacht in Florida and live in New York again. And, there would be travel—but nothing different from what he’d been doing when he owned the business. Best of all, Donna would be working alongside him. Roland would still be the boss, but she’d be there as second in command to handle all the problems. When she discussed the line of product, she was articulate and well versed. She knew his former business as well as Roland did. Roland listened quietly while she spoke. Donna’s voice was calm and relaxed. She wasn’t pushing him to do anything. She kept shrugging her shoulders and raising her hands in the air. “What’s the catch?” Roland finally asked. Donna smiled. “I had a feeling you’d ask that.” She sat back, sighed, and placed both palms on the table. “You may or may not have been keeping up with things,” she said,

57 “but since you sold to the parent company, buyers have avoided us completely. Not the large stores; we still have them. It’s the smaller outlets, in places you wouldn’t think are very important. But they all add up over time, and it’s created a huge gap in sales. Not to mention QVC. Since you’ve been gone, sales there have tanked. The viewers miss your monthly segments.” Roland folded his arms across his chest. He’d been so terrified of going on QVC the first time his knees actually shook, but it wasn’t long before he was laughing and joking on live TV. “I still don’t see how I can make a difference,” he said. “People move on.” “Roland, this is what I’ve been hearing from buyers. They say ‘Roland Marcus didn’t do things this way,’ and ‘Roland was so different to work with.’ With any new takeover there is a certain amount of change. It’s expected. And trust me, we haven’t made any drastic changes on any level. But these people want you, and they aren’t going to buy from us without you.” She shrugged her shoulders and sighed. “Frankly, I don’t know what you did to your customers over the years, but they are all in love with you and can’t get over the fact that you sold the business. There’s a little shop in Italy, of all places, that won’t even talk to me.” Roland pressed his lips together and stared down at his lap. The one important thing he’d always prided himself on was customer service. Sometimes he even lost money to make them happy, and in return he gained their respect. He could see that Donna was a sensitive young woman who seemed willing to go just equally as far. “Just how bad are things?” he asked.

58 Donna removed her napkin and tossed it on the table. “Bad. They’re talking about dropping the entire line if things don’t improve within a year or so. Or at the very least, changing it completely and starting from scratch.” Roland’s heart raced. The half-eaten California roll in front of him made his stomach churn. “Ah, well. I wouldn’t want to see that happen. I worked hard to build that business. Half of my life was spent there. My grandfather started it back in the nineteen-forties with five hundred dollars in the bank.” When the waiter took their plates, Donna and Roland ordered coffee and talked on a more personal basis. He smiled when she told him she was a single mother of a 5-yearold boy, emphasizing she’d never been married. Roland’s stomach stopped tugging and churning when she said she lived on Perry Street in the Village not far from where he lived. And Roland actually laughed out loud when she admitted that her Manolo Blahniks were killing her feet that day and she wished she were wearing vinyl mules like her mother in the Bronx. Roland liked this woman. Roland was surprised when he looked at his watch and read that it was 4 p.m. He thought about Josh waiting for him at the bookstore, and fantasized briefly about sucking on Josh’s balls. “Donna,” he said, “I enjoyed this lunch more than I thought I would. But I have to think this over and get back to you.” He stood. “Are we talking about a specific time frame here?” Donna stood and smoothed out her gray skirt. “Take as long as you want to think it over. This is a big decision, and no one is rushing you. If you decide to take on the job, we’d like to have you for at least five years. But, we can talk all that over later. Take all the time you want.” he raised her hands in the air and shrugged her shoulders.

59 “I will decide by this time next week,” Roland said. “I like to make good, fast decisions, and I won’t waste your time.” Donna reached out to shake his hand again. “I really would look forward to working with you. I think we’d make a good team..” Roland rubbed his jaw. “Wouldn’t this be a little awkward for you though? I mean, you’ve been running things alone since I’ve been gone.” “My job title doesn’t change,” Donna said. “I’m still making the same salary. And frankly, I really like what I do and I’m a huge fan of the product line. I can probably learn a great deal from you, too.” “Are you kissing up to me?” “Oh, yeah,” she said, laughing, “Big time.” Roland left the restaurant and hailed a cab. When he reached the bookstore on Bleecker Street, it was almost 4:30 p.m. He quietly crossed through the entrance of the store with his hands in his pockets. Josh stood behind the counter with Hillary. She was making change for an elderly woman and Josh was putting an old book into a white plastic bag with “Thank You” written across the front in red letters. Roland lingered at a table near the entrance so he wouldn’t interrupt their sale. When the woman picked up the bag and left, Josh looked up and smiled. “How was your lunch?” Roland grinned and walked toward the counter. “Unexpectedly good,” he said. “Better than expected.” He didn’t want to go into details. Hillary was still staring into the cash register, pretending to count money. She wore a plain white camisole, tailored black slacks with peg legs, and the black ballerina slippers. Her hair was up in a simple French

60 twist and she had one little, white pearl in each ear. Roland leaned forward, practically putting his face in hers. “Nice to see you, Hillary.” She closed the cash register and lifted her head. “Nice to see you, too.” She stepped back and leaned into the wall, crossing her legs at the ankle and folding her arms across her chest. “I hope I’m not keeping Josh from his work this week,” Roland said. It occurred to him that maybe Hillary gritted her teeth because Josh had to take time off that week. Maybe she’d had to rearrange her plans. She sighed. “I can handle things. Besides, it’s only a week; and by this time next week you’ll be gone and everything will be back to normal.” Her eyebrows were lowered and she lifted her chin defiantly. Roland stared down at the counter for a moment and sighed. She clearly despised him, and he wasn’t exactly sure why. He considered telling her there was a chance he wouldn’t be gone. “I’m going to get moving, Hil.” Josh said, coming out from behind the counter. Do you need anything before I leave?” His voice was animated and he bounced back and forth on his feet as if he felt guilty about something. “I’m fine,” Hillary said, and leaned forward to kiss Josh on the cheek. Roland looked up and noticed a photo of Hillary and a small boy hanging over the cash register. It must have been taken during Halloween: The boy wore a Spiderman costume and carried a plastic pumpkin. “Good seeing you, Hillary,” Roland said on his way out the door. “Likewise,” she said, and turned back to the cash register.

61 Roland shook his head once he and Josh reached the street. “She really hates my guts.” “She doesn’t trust you,” Josh said. “And she thinks our arrangement this week is inappropriate. She knows I hustle part-time for extra cash, and she doesn’t like it much. She’s pragmatic and doesn’t have sex hang-ups, but she doesn’t get our arrangement at all.” Roland ignored the comment. “Who is the little boy in the photo over the cash register?” “Ah,” Josh said. He took a deep breath. “That’s our son.” “Our son?” Josh stopped walking and stared at Roland. “Hillary and I were married. We both grew up in the same small town in the Midwest, dated in high school, and I got her pregnant. We’re divorced now, but still good friends and I’m an active part of our son’s life. Hillary is my best friend, and my future business partner with the bookstore.” Roland started walking again. He wasn’t totally shocked; he’d known many gay men over the years that had been married to women and then divorced. “Now I see why she doesn’t like me very much,” he said. “At first I thought she was one of those very protective fag hags. But now I see it goes much deeper.” “Not really,” Josh said, “She is a protective fag hag. But don’t tell her I said that.” He punched Roland in the arm. “Hillary will be fine. But tonight I have a surprise for you, so we have to go back to your place and take a long nap before my surprise arrives.” Roland’s eyebrows went up. “You don’t have to do anything for me. I’m the one who is supposed to be doing things for you.”

62 “Don’t worry,” Josh said, “A couple of buddies owe me a favor. I just hope we can get my surprise past Russell. He might not like it very much.” “Russell is gone Monday and Tuesday nights,” Roland said, “They’re his days off and he goes upstate to visit his son and daughter-in-law.” He grabbed Josh’s arm. “But I’m serious. You don’t have to feel obligated to do anything for me.” “Just relax,” Josh said. “You’ll like this. I promise.” **** When the doorbell rang that evening and Roland went downstairs to answer it, he found two rough-looking, attractive young men standing on the steps. They could have been a couple of guys who worked in Roland’s parking garage, or men Roland would see on the street bouncing a basketball. Poor Russell would have had to grab the door handle to keep his balance. One of the guys was olive-skinned, with wild black hair and several tattoos on his forearms. He wore a tight black shirt and baggy jeans. The other guy was a light-skinned African-American with long sideburns, a goatee, and huge diamond studs in his ear. He wore a red tank top that made his chest muscles bulge, and baggy pants. Roland’s eyes opened wide. “What can I do for you?” He wrapped his short black bathrobe tighter around his waist. He and Josh had taken a two hour nap. Josh pounded down the stairs in a pair of white boxer shorts. “Hey guys!” he shouted past Roland, “C’mon inside.” Roland stepped back as the men entered the black and white marble hallway. The man with the tattoos on his forearms looked Roland up and down, smiled, and ran his palm up the back of Roland’s leg. He squeezed Roland’s ass a couple of times. Roland

63 wasn’t wearing anything under the bathrobe. He jumped back and stared at Josh. “What’s going on?” “These are a couple of buddies of mine, Mark and Kent.” Josh pointed to the men as he introduced them. Mark had the tattoos; Kent had the large diamond studs in his ears. “This is my surprise.” His hands were on his hips and he smiled so wide Roland could see his gums. “C’mon guys,” he said, “we’re gonna take turns tagging his ass upstairs.” Roland stepped back and watched everyone climb the stairway. Mark looked down at Roland and smiled. Kent reached under Roland’s bathrobe as he passed, placed his large hand on his ass. When they were all in the bedroom, Mark and Kent wasted no time removing their clothes. They kicked off their shoes, removed their socks, and dropped their pants in the middle of the room. Mark had a strong, lean body, hairy legs, and a thick cock that bounced up and down when he removed his boxer shorts. Kent was taller, with massive chest muscles and a long, uncircumcised dick that swung back and forth. Roland stared at the gigantic, juicy dick and licked his lips; he hadn’t had an uncut cock in years. “Okay guys,” Josh said, holding a handful of condoms, “These are the rules: condoms for fucking, and I fuck him last.” He grabbed Roland by the waist, pulled off the bathrobe, and pushed him back against a long marble table. Josh looked down at Roland. “Get up on the table and spread your legs for my buddies.” Mark and Kent stared at Roland’s naked body, their dicks fully erect. Kent stepped forward and ran his hand down the side of Roland’s smooth body and rested it at the top of his ass. “Dude, you didn’t say he’d be this sweet,” he said. “I was expecting an old

64 dude. I wanna get in there first.” He grabbed Roland by the waist and lifted him up to the table. Roland held Kent’s large bicep tightly for a moment before settling flat on his back across the table. His hard cock rested on his stomach. Roland closed his eyes and arched his back. Josh grabbed Roland’s right ankle. Mark grabbed the left. Josh pressed the tip of his dick to Roland’s lips. “You want my buddies to fuck you now?” he asked. “You want them to take turns tagging your ass?” His voice was low and sultry and mean. Roland grabbed Josh’s dick, licked the tip, and nodded. “Yes. I want your buddies to fuck me.” He reached to his right and grabbed Mark’s thick cock. “Fuck me hard.” Mark pressed his hairy thighs against the table and pointed his dick toward Roland’s open mouth. Roland stuck out his tongue and sucked the shaft all the way to the back of his throat. He had to stretch his lips as far as they could go to take it all. Mark had large, dark balls that smelled a little like onions and raw meat. Roland closed his eyes and inhale deeply. While Roland sucked on Mark and held Josh’s dick in his hand, Kent covered his long brown cock with a red, lubricated condom and pressed the tip to Roland’s soft pink hole. Roland responded by relaxing his sphincter muscle. Kent’s dick slid halfway in without any problems. Kent went deeper, until his wiry, black pubic hairs rubbed against Roland’s soft, pale ass. Roland opened his mouth and gasped. “You like the way my buddy fucks?” Josh asked. Roland nodded, taking Josh’s cock into his mouth again. Kent fucked faster; his long, uncut dick bucking in and out of Roland’s tight hole. His hands were on Roland’s waist and he stared down between Roland’s legs the entire

65 time. Roland took turns sucking on Josh and Mark. Josh’s cock smelled salty and tangy because he hadn’t showered since early that morning, and Mark’s dick was tough to suck because it was so thick. Saliva dripped down Roland’s chin and his jaw ached; but he continued to suck them both, never gagging. “I want to get in there now,” Mark said to Kent. “It’s my turn.” His young voice was deep and hoarse, with a heavy Bronx accent. Kent pulled out, yanked off the red condom, and switched places with Mark. Roland stuck out his tongue and started licking Kent’s uncut cock while Mark put on a fresh condom. “That’s it, buddy,” Josh said to Mark. “Stick that fucking dick inside and bang that ass.” Kent and Josh spread Roland’s legs wider. Mark shoved his thick dick in with one quick thrust. Roland was already open and ready to receive; Mark didn’t have to work hard to get it inside. “You like the way my buddy Mark fucks?” Josh asked. “Oh yeah,” Roland moaned. “Fuck me with that big, thick dick.” He opened his mouth and took Kent’s cock inside. Roland made sure his lips puckered and moved the foreskin back and forth; he wanted to enjoy every inch of the uncut cock. Josh reached down and slapped Roland’s ass hard. “C’mon buddy,” he said to Mark. “Fuck harder. He likes it hard and wants more.” Mark complied. He was less articulate than Kent had been, and he fucked with his entire body. Roland’s head jerked up and down; Josh and Kent had to hold his ankles tighter and spread his legs wider so he wouldn’t fall of the table. Mark liked to pull his

66 thick cock all the way out and then bang it in hard. Each time he did that, Roland’s mouth fell open and his eyes rolled to the back of his head. When Mark was finished banging his ass, he stepped aside to where Josh had been standing and pressed his balls to Roland’s swollen lips. That’s when Josh put on a red condom and started to hammer away. “You like all these guys tagging your hot ass?” Roland let Mark’s hairy ball sack slip from his mouth. “Yes,” he gasped. “I love these guys tagging my ass. I want your buddies to fuck me all night.” Josh fucked Roland for a long time. “Put your arms around my shoulders and wrap your legs around my waist, baby,” he finally said. Then he hoisted Roland up off the table and carried him to the bed. Roland knew Josh was strong, but it never occurred to him that Josh was strong enough to carry him across the room. He hung from Josh’s wide shoulders; legs crossed at the ankle. He clamped his sphincter down on Josh’s cock so he wouldn’t slide out while they crossed the room. Josh slowly lowered Roland onto the bed and started fucking him again. Roland reached out to hold the other two cocks that had followed him and Josh to the bed, and turned his head so he could lick Mark’s hairy legs while Josh fucked him. “Get up on all fours,” Josh said after a few minutes, “so we can take turns fucking you from behind.” Josh pulled out and Roland got up on his hands and knees at the foot of the bed. He was surprised they were going to take turns again, but he wanted more. He spread his legs wide and arched his back while the guys put on condoms and stood in line to take turns fucking him. Mark slammed his hole first a few times, then pulled out so Kent could get

67 inside and fuck. When Josh took his turn, he asked, “Do you like how my buddies fuck?” His large hands were pressed against Roland’s ass cheeks and he was biting his bottom lip. Roland nodded. “Yeah, guys, fuck me, fucking breed me, guys.” His toes curled. Roland’s ass felt like it was being split wide open. The men continued to take turns tagging Roland for another half hour. They made him feel slutty and naughty, like a fuck toy to be used and discarded. Roland loved it. He liked the way Mark’s thick cock rubbed against the lips of his hole, and he clutched the sheets when Kent’s long, uncut dick hit his prostate. But Josh was still the best fuck and clearly the man in charge After Josh took the last turn, he said, “Okay guys, up on the bed.” Roland went on his back again while the guys pulled off their condoms. Mark got up on the bed and kneeled over him on the left, Kent on the right. Josh kneeled over Roland’s head, lowered his balls to Roland’s mouth, and said, “Now suck my balls while the guys jerk off all over your body.” Roland opened his mouth, sucked Josh’s huge ball sack past his lips, and grabbed his own cock so he could jerk off, too. He pressed one palm to Mark’s hairy thigh and rubbed it up and down. It didn’t take long for them to come. While Josh’s balls were stuffed into Roland’s mouth, Josh blew his load all over Roland’s stomach. Mark came next; closing his eyes, tugging his dick hard, and shooting all over Roland’s neck. Kent came seconds later, depositing his load on Roland’s left nipple. When Josh jerked out a few final drops of juice, they landed on Roland’s chin. He pushed Josh’s balls out of his mouth so he could suck the head of Josh’s cock dry. There wasn’t much left, but he

68 managed to suck out a few sweet drops. And while he was sucking Josh’s dick, he finally climaxed all over his stomach. Roland’s arms went limp and he sighed. “Okay guys,” Josh said. “Help me get him into the shower.” Roland’s eyes opened wide and he raised his hands in the air. Josh reached under his arms, Mark and Kent grabbed his legs, and they carried him into the bathroom. They placed him in the middle of the shower stall under the hot water and rubbed wash cloths all over his body. Roland stretched his arms all the way to the ceiling and arched his back while they lathered and cleansed his body. Their hands were rough and strong. They pinned him to the marble wall and massaged his body from head to toe. Then Roland soaped them up, too, and made sure they all had clean, fresh dicks before the shower ended. When the guys were finally dressed and ready to leave, Roland thanked them and Josh walked them downstairs. Roland stretched out across the bed on his stomach and waited for Josh to return. He clomped back up the stairs in his underwear a minute later, smiling and out of breath. “Did you like my surprise?” “Oh yeah,” Roland said. “I may not be able to walk for a while, but I liked it.” He hesitated. “But you were the best. They are both really hot, good-looking guys, but there’s something really wonderful about the way you do things in bed. It’s like you’re the perfect fit.”

69

Chapter Six

Roland called the doctor Tuesday afternoon to see if the blood test results were back yet. Josh fussed around in the kitchen (he could be all thumbs when it came to the simplest things), trying to figure out the old-fashioned stovetop coffee pot that Russell refused to discard. “They didn’t come in yet,” Roland said, tossing the phone onto the counter. “But he said they would definitely be in by late tomorrow morning.” “It is what it is,” Josh said, shrugging. He carefully measured teaspoons of ground coffee into the aluminum filter with his large fingers. It was finely ground gourmet coffee in a neat little gold package: a gift sent to the house that morning from Donna as a thankyou to Roland for meeting with her on Monday. Josh filled the pot with water, placed it on the burner, and turned on the stove. “Here goes,” he said. “I never made coffee like this before.” Roland smiled and shook his head. Moments like these accentuated their age difference. Roland stared at the old coffee pot. “There are some things Russell just can’t get used to, and coffee machines are one of them. And DVD players.” He sat down on a stool in front of the center island very carefully. He didn’t want to mention that the backs of his legs were a little sore that day because Josh and his rough, young buddies had fucked him so violently the previous night. But he wasn’t complaining—he couldn’t think of worse ways to get bruises on the backs of his legs.

70 Josh found two mugs above the stove and set them on the island. “Do you mind if I use the phone for a minute?” he asked. “I promised Hillary I’d check in once a day.” “You don’t have to ask,” Roland said. “Just use the phone.” The dented old pot started to perk, filling the room with the aroma of rich, expensive coffee. Josh hung up the phone and scratched the back of his head. “Hillary has a problem. She said she forgot that Justin’s summer school gets out early today because of a teachers’ meeting. She was wondering if I’d pick him up in an hour and drop him off at the shop. She sounded pretty desperate. If I don’t get him she’ll have to close up and the guy who owns the place lives upstairs and never misses anything.” Roland shrugged. “I don’t see a problem. Call her back and tell her we’ll pick him up.” He stood from the counter and crossed to the stove so he could pour the coffee. The school was only a few blocks away. The building was old, with a red brick façade and yard fenced in by black wrought iron. Groups of small children stood outside waiting for their parents. “Hey, Buddy!” Josh yelled across the schoolyard. “Justin! Over here!” A small boy with fair hair turned without a word and walked toward them. He carried a red backpack that almost half his size. Little lights blinked in the heels of his tiny sneakers. He looked Roland up and down. “Where’s Mom?” he asked Josh. “She’s at the shop,” Josh said. “We’re going to drop you off there. This is my friend, Roland. He’s going to walk with us.” Josh didn’t slip into that forced, sing-song voice that so many adults used with small children. He spoke to Justin as if he were an adult friend.

71 Justin looked at Roland and forced a smile before quickly looking down at his sneakers. “Nice to meet you Justin,” Roland said. He was about to reach out to shake the little boy’s hand, when he heard someone call his name from the other side of the schoolyard. He looked up and saw Donna loping across the yard, waving her right hand back and forth. A small boy walked by her side, carrying a dark blue backpack. Donna wore a beige suit and fawn leather pumps that matched her briefcase. “What are you doing here?” she asked, leaning forward to shake Roland’s hand. “I just came with a friend to pick up his son.” Roland forced a smile and shook Donna’s hand. He would have avoided running into her if he could have. “Hi Donna,” Josh interjected. “This early dismissal had Hillary all worried because she couldn’t get off work.” “Tell me about it,” Donna said. “I had to leave my office so I could drop Ansel off with my mother, and then I’m running back uptown to another meeting.” “You two know each other?” Roland asked incredulously. He looked down at Justin and Ansel. Ansel was casually pulling small cards from his backpack and Justin was looking them over carefully. “Only through school,” Josh said. “Justin and Ansel are in the same class, and we’ve been on a few committees.” His voice became steady and serious; the sound of a dedicated parent interested in his son’s education. Roland smiled and shook his head. “Small world. Donna was the person I had a lunch meeting with yesterday.” He put his left hand in his pocket and rubbed his chin with his right.

72 “Ah, well,” Josh said. He looked into Roland’s eyes and smiled. Donna raised her arm and looked at her watch. “Look guys, I have to run if I’m ever going to get back to the office. But it was good seeing you two.” She reached down for Ansel’s hand and crossed through the gate. He’d already put the little cards back into his backpack. “I’ll be waiting to hear from you, Roland,” she cried over her shoulder. Roland laughed as he watched Donna lope toward the street in her high heels. “I really like her,” he said to Josh. “She’s a cool lady,” Josh agreed. He reached down and held Justin’s hand. The three of them walked back to Bleecker Street. Hillary thanked Roland for letting Josh take a few minutes of his time. But her arms were folded across her chest as she spoke, and she wouldn’t look Roland in the eye. “You know,” Roland said, stepping back and smiling, “I’m not holding Josh prisoner. He’s free to come and go as he pleases. Besides, Justin seems like a really cool kid. I don’t mind.” He wondered, briefly, how all these strangers had just popped into his life in less than a week’s time. Hillary sighed. “Well, thank you.” Josh and Roland left the shop and walked back toward Roland’s brownstone. But when they reached the corner of Perry Street, Josh said, “I have an idea.” “What’s that?” “Let’s take a walk over to the East Village,” he said. “There’s a really cool sex shop that sells all kinds of kinky things. We can buy some cock rings.” “Cock rings?” Josh shrugged. “C’mon. It’ll be fun.”

73 Shopping with Josh in the East Village was different from any shopping experience Roland had had been on. He was used to shopping in places like Versace and Gucci, where people ran to assist him and everything was brand new and perfect. There were times, if he was in a hurry, when all he had to do was walk into any one of his favorite stores and nod. He’d look down at a sweater, or a shirt, or a pair shoes, nod his head once, and sales clerks would actually bow. He rarely ever walked far, and never waited in any long lines. Even the salespeople in his favorite funky kitchen store, Mackenzie Childs on 57th Street, ran to his side the moment he walked through the door. Good thing Josh knew his way around the East Village; Roland hadn’t been there in years and would have been lost the minute they crossed through Washington Square Park. They reached the entrance of a small shop sandwiched between a Hungarian bakery and used clothing store. “I think you’ll like this place,” Josh said, opening the door. “It’s not Dungeon Alley, but it’s really cool.” The outside of the shop was painted black. A small pink sign on the front window read “Kinky Boiz.” “What’s Dungeon Alley?” “It’s between Chelsea and Midtown, and there are tons of fetish clubs. You’ve never heard of it?” “Ah, well,” Roland said, shaking his head. “Not really.” Josh laughed, and pressed his hand on the small of Roland’s back. “You’ll like this more, trust me.” The inside of Kinky Boiz was painted black, too. The counters, walls, and even the floors were all black. If you stood in the center and spread your arms out wide you could almost touch the walls. A handsome young man with jet black hair approached Josh and

74 Roland. “Good afternoon,” he said. He wore a black shirt and matching skin-tight hot shorts. His fingernails were long and painted with bright white polish. Roland looked down and saw that the man had on two black leather garter belts and six-inch stilettos with chrome-tipped heels. “Is there anything I can help you with?” He looked Roland up and down and licked his bottom lip. “Ah, well,” Roland said. He put his hands in the pockets of his khakis. “We’re here for cock rings,” Josh said nonchalantly. The store clerk winked at Josh “Follow me, boys.” He led Josh and Roland to the back of the shop, passing mannequins dressed with leather, rows of kinky shoes, and a wall lined with whips and chains. The young guy walked well in his high heels, even wiggling his ass a few times for them. They came to a thick, black door against the back wall. He opened it slowly, and held it while Josh and Roland crossed into another room with more black walls. Roland had to look down; it was so dark he was afraid he’d trip over something. He heard techno music with deep bass coming from overhead speakers. The whole space smelled of musty old jock straps. When he looked up again, Roland saw that the small back room was not empty. In one corner was a naked man suspended in a leather sling from the ceiling, his legs spread wide. An older guy with salt and pepper hair pulled a large, black dildo in and out of his ass. In another area of the room, two naked young men watched porn on an overhead screen while making out on a long leather sofa. Roland looked up at the ceiling and his jaw dropped. There were dildos, in every size, color and shape, hanging from the ceiling. The store clerk closed the door before leading Josh and Roland to a long glass counter illuminated by a red spotlight. On display were a myriad of cock rings, more

75 dildos, and leather gear. “We’re not very busy today, as you can see,” the man said, “So I’ll personally be able to help fit you both with the perfect cock rings.” He reached for Roland’s zipper. Roland jumped back. Josh chuckled. “Just relax, Man. This is why he took us back here. It’s a playroom.” Roland took a deep breath and lowered his arms to his sides while the guy in heels ran long, white fingernails gently across Roland’s forearm. “Yeah, handsome, I won’t bite you.” The clerk reached down and unzipped Roland’s pants to pull his dick out. Roland spread his legs and leaned back while the man gently pulled his semi-erect dick out of his pants. He cupped Roland’s ball sack in the palm of his left hand and ran the tips of his right hand’s white fingernails up and down Roland’s shaft. He had a light, gentle touch; the long fingernails barely touched Roland’s skin. Everyone in the room stared at Roland have his balls played with by a total stranger. Roland’s heart raced and his stomach turned. Blood rushed through his veins in spurts and waves and his pupils dilated as he slowly kicked off his loafers and pulled off his pants. The store clerk lifted Roland’s polo shirt up over his head and put it on the counter. Roland wasn’t wearing any underwear, and was now completely naked except for black socks. Roland’s cock was fully erect. The store clerk licked his lips. “Wait here while I get the cock rings,” he said. When he slipped behind the counter, Josh removed his clothes, too—everything but his socks. He’d become fully erect watching Roland strip. He pressed his dick into Roland’s ass. “I think we have an audience,” he said. Roland blinked a few times. The young guys on the sofa had stretched out, legs spread wide, slowly jerking their cocks while waiting for Josh and Roland’s next move.

76 Roland leaned back into Josh’s strong body and sighed. Josh ran his hands under Roland’s arms, cupped his chest muscles, and squeezed tightly. The store clerk returned with a box of cock rings and a long leather leash hooked to a thick, black collar studded with silver spikes. He placed the box on the counter and fastened the collar around Roland’s neck so the leash fell down the front of his body. When the man’s long fingernails brushed Roland’s neck, he felt a chill run down his spine. The clerk pulled a thick, black leather cock ring studded with more silver spikes out of the box. He wrapped his fingers around Roland’s erection, shoved the cock ring under Roland’s balls with his other hand, and fastened the snaps. Blood rushed to Roland’s dick; it grew at least a third larger and the head became round and shiny. The clerk ran the tips of his nails up and down the bulging shaft. Roland closed his eyes and leaned forward slightly so Josh’s dick would fall into his ass crack, wiggled his hips a few times, and asked Josh to tug on the leash. Josh smiled and grabbed the leash. “Gladly.” He pulled, sending Roland’s body forward. His cock pulsed. “Now you’re my cock slave,” Josh said. He bit his shoulder and yanked the leash again. The heeled store clerk got down on his knees and put another cock ring around Josh’s big dick, pressing his nose into Josh’s balls to make sure the cock ring was properly situated. He took deep breaths so he could inhale the tangy smell between Josh’s legs. When the cock ring was snapped tightly, he stared back and forth between Roland and Josh’s erections. “I think these are perfect. But there’s really only one way to know for sure. Why don’t you boys go over to the sofa and try them out?”

77 Josh grabbed the leather leash and pulled Roland across the room toward the sofa. The two young guys moved closer together so half the couch was empty. When Josh sat down, Roland reached into a large red bowl on the coffee table and pulled out a lubricated condom. Josh stretched his long legs out and rested them on the laps of the two naked guys. They watched while Roland climbed up on Josh’s lap, covered the young man’s cock with a condom, and slowly slid it all the way inside. When Roland arched his back and lifted his ass slightly, the other men could see Josh’s dick fill his hole. The two guys at the sling weren’t paying attention anymore. They were fucking hard by then, the top’s balls slapping against the other guy’s ass. Josh grabbed Roland’s waist with one hand and tugged on the leash with the other. “Ride my cock now. Let these guys see how a real bottom takes dick.” Roland closed his eyes and lifted his ass up and down with careful, circular movements. The cock ring made it feel even bigger and harder. The young guys leaned forward so they could watch Josh’s huge dick slip in and out of Roland’s tight, pink hole. Roland sat up, enjoying the attention, then engorged Josh’s dick again until the only thing the guys could see were Josh’s balls pressed up against Roland’s ass. One of the guys on the couch grabbed Roland’s ass and guided the older man up and down faster along Josh’s cock. Roland moaned. “Fuck me, yeah, fuck me harder.” “Ride that cock with that tight pussy-hole,” Josh groaned. He tugged on the leash. “Are you my cock slave?” “Yeah,” Roland said, “I’m your fucking cock slave.” “Beg for my dick.” “Please, give me your dick. Please, can I have your dick?”

78 The store clerk stripped, except for his high heels and black garter belts, and approached Josh and Roland. He reached down between Roland’s legs and wrapped his fingers around Roland’s cock. Roland rode the long pole fast now, thanks to the other guy who was helping his ass go up and down from behind. When Roland looked down and saw the long white fingernails jerking his dick, he felt the beginning of what promised to be an outrageous orgasm. He heard the guy in the sling shout, “Fuck me!” from across the room, and felt Josh’s hips buck faster. Josh tugged the leash hard. “I’m close. I’m really close. You want me to come?” His big legs were moving around now, rubbing all over the two guys on the sofa who were jerking off with their jaws dropped. “Go,” Roland said. “Fuck me, fuck me hard. Blow that load all the way up my ass.” He clamped down on Josh’s cock, which filled the condom with three loud, intense slams. Roland sat down so that the entire dick was inside his body, threw his arms up in the air while the guy with the fingernails jerked him off, and came with such power he actually felt the come pass through his penis and shoot over Josh’s head. It splashed on the black wall not far from the sofa. The store clerk came next, followed by one of the couch guys who was still pinned to the sofa by Josh’s long legs. When the last man in the group was on the edge, he shouted to Josh: “Can I suck your toes?” Josh smiled and lifted his socked foot toward the young guy’s hungry, open mouth. “Knock yourself out,” he said. “Blow that load.” The moment Josh’s toes touched the tongue, the man shot a load all over his chest.

79 The store clerk stood up and wiggled his naked ass back to the counter to get a roll of paper towels so they could clean up. When Roland lifted his body from Josh’s dick, the two guys leaned forward so they could see it slide all the way out. One of them reached forward and squeezed Roland’s ass a few times. “Thanks,” he whispered. “Good show, guys.” Roland looked down at Josh and smiled. “Are you okay?” “Never been better,” Josh said, taking a wad of paper towels from the clerk and pulling the used condom off his cock. **** When they were dressed and back on the street, Roland looked down at the bag in his hand and smiled. He’d purchased the cock rings, leash and collar; a few leather garter belts (he liked the way they looked on store clerk); and a peculiar contraption that resembled a leather hospital mask, but with an opening at the mouth. Roland assumed it was for blow jobs. “We put on some show back there,” Josh said as the men walked underneath the huge arch in Washington Square Park. “Those two guys couldn’t get over the way your ass swallowed my dick.” He put his arm around Roland’s shoulders and smiled. “Yes we did,” Roland said. He’d lingered for so long back at the sex shop, waiting until the very last minute to put his clothes back on, enjoying the pleasure of showing off his naked body even when the sex was over. He would never have done anything like that alone, or even with Kenneth for that matter (definitely not with Kenneth). But with Josh it felt natural and safe. Roland smiled. “You know what’s really weird?” “What?”

80 “In the last five days I’ve had the best, most-fun sex of my life.” Josh laughed and pulled him closer. “Me, too, my man.” “I say we go to Magnolia’s now and have cupcakes for dinner. I love that place. It reminds me of home.” As soon as the words left his mouth, it occurred to Roland that home had been a big empty yacht off the coast of Florida for more than a year. He looked down at the sidewalk and frowned.

81

Chapter Seven

The next morning, Roland noticed a distinct pattern was starting to form. When they fell into bed at night, Josh would put on a condom and Roland would turn over on his stomach without saying a word. Then Josh would fuck him in that position until they both came. It was always the last thing they did before closing their eyes and falling asleep in each other’s arms. Also familiarly, Roland opened his eyes each morning on his back, pinned to the bed with Josh’s arm across his chest and Josh’s leg over his legs. They both woke with morning erections; and Josh’s was always pressed against Roland’s thigh. Roland liked to lie there quietly for a few minutes, gently rubbing Josh’s shoulder until he opened his eyes, scratched his balls, and loped into the bathroom to pee. Roland couldn’t remember if he’d ever slept like this with Kenneth. Maybe one or two times in the early days of their relationship, he figured, but recalled the only real pattern between them as sleeping on their sides, facing opposite directions. Josh rubbed his dick as he came naked out of the bathroom Wednesday morning, and headed downstairs to make coffee. “You’d better put on a robe,” Roland called after him. “I’m sure Russell is home by now, and he might scream if he sees that big thing flopping around between your legs.” Josh walked back into the room quickly. “I forgot about Russell. I think I’ll wait until you go down to have my coffee.” “I’ll just ask Russell to bring some up,” Roland said.

82 Josh crossed back toward the bathroom. “Then I’ll take my shower now,” he said. “I’d rather face Russell’s happy face after I’ve brushed my teeth and combed my hair.” By the time Josh reemerged from the bathroom, there was a small tray sitting on the bed with a silver carafe of coffee, two mugs, and a plate with four slices of buttered toast. Josh immediately gobbled down all four slices. “I have to keep up my strength so I can fuck you,” he mumbled between bites. After breakfast, they went upstairs to Roland’s rooftop living area and sunbathed in the nude. It was one of those rare August days in New York, with bright, clear sunshine and very low humidity. Roland spread sun block all over Josh’s naked body every half hour. Josh was only too happy to lie back and let a pair of warm hands lubricate his muscles. Roland didn’t miss a spot either: he spread lotion from the top of Josh’s head all the way down to the tips of his toes. He lingered for a long time between Josh’s legs, carefully massaging the white cream all over his balls. It didn’t take long for Josh to bend Roland over the side of the hot tub, put on another condom, and fuck him right there on the roof. When the phone rang at 5 p.m., Josh and Roland were asleep on a double-wide lounge chair under an awning near the hot tub. Roland jumped up and reached for the phone. “Hullooo?” he rasped. He nodded his head up and down a few times, thanked the caller, and hung up. “That was the doctor. The tests came back negative—we’re both fine.” Josh smiled. “I knew we would be.” He turned to his side and reached between Roland’s legs. “I’m gonna fuck you raw now.”

83 Roland stood up and laughed. “We don’t have time for any fucking right now,” he said. “We have to go downstairs and get dressed for Black Tie Bingo tonight. It’s already after five, and we have to leave by six-thirty.” Josh frowned. “What exactly is Black Tie Bingo, anyway?” he moaned. His dick was already semi-erect; he grabbed it and pointed it toward Roland. “It’s an annual fundraising event I started twenty years ago to help finance the Ashley Foundation. It’s not really formal; people come dressed sort of campy-formal and play bingo. We’re going to wear white dinner jackets, tacky aubergine clip-on bow ties with matching cummerbunds, and faded jeans.” Josh lowered his eyebrows and shrugged. “It actually sounds like fun. But what the fuck is aubergine?” Roland laughed. “Dark purple, like an eggplant.” **** Josh was dressed and sitting in a chair watching the six o’clock news a full 30 minutes before Roland was ready. He couldn’t seem to get his hair right, and his face looked a little too red from the sun. Bronzer looked too dark and fake, and Roland had to scrub his face all over again. He tried some powder, but it looked too matte and light. He scrubbed his face again. Josh poked his head into the bathroom around 6:15. “You almost ready, Buddy?” Roland’s hair was done, his face was as good as it was going to get, and he was had everything on except his pants. “I just have to put on my jeans,” he said. He looked up at Josh for a moment and smiled. He had on a new pair of faded jeans they’d just bought the

84 previous weekend and his face was a smooth golden-brown from the sun. “You look wonderful tonight,” Roland said. “So do you,” Josh replied, looking down at his watch. “But you need to speed things up.” “I still haven’t decided which jeans to wear,” Roland said. “We might be a few minutes late.” Josh looked at his watch again. “I have an idea.” He ran into the bedroom. When Josh returned a second later, he held up his old, ripped jeans. “Wear these. I think they’ll look really hot on you.” Roland hesitated before taking the jeans and trying them on. They were a little loose, but not a bad fit at all. There was a huge, frayed hole on the right leg just below his crotch, another long, frayed tear down the thigh of his left leg, and in the back, right below his ass, there was huge rip on the right. “I don’t know,” Roland said, lifting the white dinner jacket higher, “You can almost see my ass in these jeans. My entire left thigh is exposed all the way up to my balls.” “You look hot,” Josh said. He checked out Roland’s ass in the mirror. “And you did say this is supposed to be campy formal. This is pretty damn campy, if you ask me.” Roland shrugged and looked into the mirror again. Campy and slutty, he mused. “Ah, well, what the hell.” Russell was waiting for them on the street with the car. He took one look at Roland and opened his eyes wide, then stepped back and pressed his palm to his lips to conceal a huge grin.

85 “Don’t laugh, Russell,” Roland said, looking down at his exposed thigh. “I’m allowed to have a little fun once in a while.” “Yes, you are,” Russell chuckled. “I’m glad you’re finally doing it.” He turned to Josh. “You look nice, too.” It was the first nice thing Russell had said to Josh. Josh blinked a few times and shook his head. He smiled and punched Russell in the shoulder. “Thanks, Dude.” Russell looked up to the sky and shook his head. “You’re quite welcome, ah, Dude.” He turned to hand the car keys to Roland. “Give them to Josh,” Roland said. “He’s a much better driver than I am.” Josh took a deep breath and sighed. “I’ll have him back before midnight,” he said, taking the keys from Russell. **** Black Tie Bingo was held in a rented banquet room in Brooklyn Heights Roland would have preferred it in Manhattan—especially when they got stuck in traffic for 20 minutes—but Brooklyn was the trendy place to be, thanks to the celebrities buying brownstones. The men left the car with a valet and headed inside. Old friends and important contributors to the Ashley Foundation stopped talking in mid-sentence so they could shake Roland’s hand as he and Josh walked around. When they looked down and saw his naked flesh through the ripped jeans, their eyes grew wide and they smiled. One middle-aged woman wearing an outrageous tattersall ball gown and black boa said he’d never looked more radiant, and one older gay man actually patted him on the ass a few times. Roland smiled and continued walking. The attention he usually received at events like this was conservative and stuffy. People tended to

86 compliment him politely, but never crossed the line of familiarity. Josh smiled and flirted with the drag queens working the event. One of them was taller than six feet, wore a huge red wig, and called him “The Brokeback Mountain Boy.” She led them to their reserved table in the front of the room, near the bingo caller. Everyone else was already there: Kenneth and Marty, and a group of other gay couples Roland knew from his weekend home in Bucks County. He quickly introduced Josh to everyone and they all stood up to hug and kiss them both on the cheek. Josh was the best-looking guy in the room. Roland smiled so wide his gums were visible. Kenneth walked up behind Roland, grabbed his shoulders, and spun him around. “Doll, what the hell are you wearing?” Roland hugged him. “These belong to Josh. I borrowed them.” Kenneth smiled. “How sweet. You share clothes, too.” Josh reached over Roland’s shoulder and tapped Kenneth on the arm. “Nice to see you, Buddy.” Kenneth’s plucked eyebrows arched high. “You too, Buddy.” He rolled his eyes. Kenneth considered himself refined, with superior taste and good breeding. Never mind that he came from very humble beginnings in New Jersey, that he’d barely graduated from high school, or that his taste in clothing resembled that of a dancing queen from l975. To Black Tie Bingo he wore a navy double-breasted blazer with a sparkling emblem on the pocket and white dress slacks, which actually looked less campy than one of his usual outfits. But the blazer was too small and it pulled when he buttoned it at the waist.

87 Roland’s other friends from Pennsylvania got along well with Josh that night. The conversation at their table was level, and time passed quickly. Betty Ann and Sue thought he was adorable, Mike and Steve couldn’t get over how familiar he looked, and Jim and John laughed at all his jokes. Everyone seemed so happy to see Roland so animated, and with someone so unpretentious and sincere. Everyone but Kenneth. He ignored Josh for the rest of the night. He and Marty were sitting directly across the table from Roland and Josh, but when he spoke, he looked only at Roland and said things like, “Doll, do you remember the first Black Tie Bingo we went to? That must have been over twenty years ago, Doll.” Then he would turn to Marty and tell him a story about his past life with Roland. Marty would nod and smile and look down at his bingo sheet, pretending to be interested. Kenneth kept repeating, “Doll, we had some good times. Doll, we were good together.” His deep, hollow voice often rose above the bingo caller, and people in the back of the room shouted for him to be quiet. One woman actually stood and yelled, “Shut up already, Doll. I’m waiting for a number and I can’t hear the caller.” And a few people applauded her. Roland smiled all night, wishing there were a trap door under Kenneth’s chair. At the end of the evening, just as they were about the call the jackpot, Josh leaned over. “In a little while,” he whispered to Roland, loud enough for Marty and Kenneth to hear, “I’m going to tag your ass raw.” Marty looked up from his bingo sheet and smiled (his first smile all night), but Kenneth’s hand started to shake and he dropped his red and white bingo blotter on the floor.

88 Before Kenneth had a chance to bend down and pick it up, the emcee called G 55. “Bingo!” Josh shouted. He stood from the table and waved his yellow bingo sheet in the air. The caller stopped the game to check Josh’s bingo sheet. Kenneth kept repeating, “Doll, I was only waiting for three numbers. You know that, Doll; just three numbers and that jackpot would have been mine.” He was telling this to Roland, not Marty; but Roland stared at Josh the entire time. And when they officially pronounced Josh the winner of the $2,000 jackpot, everyone else at the table applauded him except Kenneth. Roland put his arm. “Good for you,” he said. “I’m glad you won.” He knew how much Josh could use the money. Josh smiled and shook his head in disbelief. “I’ve never won anything in my life,” he said to Roland. “It’s too bad I can’t keep it.” He turned to the man who had just checked his numbers. “I’d like to donate the money back to the Ashley Foundation.” “Are you sure about this?” Roland interrupted. “You won the money fair and square.” Josh looked at him and shrugged. “It’s killing me, but it’s the right thing to do. Life is like a boomerang; shit always comes back to you if you don’t do the right thing.” When the caller announced that he was donating the money back, everyone in the room stood to applaud. Roland leaned over, put his arm around Josh’s wide shoulders, and whispered, “That was very well done, Sir. I have an extra special surprise for you later tonight.” Josh smiled. “You call me ‘sir’ like that again, and I’ll bend you over the table right now.”

89 Kenneth clenched his fists and stood. “Are we going out somewhere now?” He glared and grit his teeth. It was nearly midnight. The other couples at the table declined. Betty Ann and Sue had to go back to Pennsylvania because they had dogs, and the other four guys were exhausted. “We’re going home, too,” Roland said. “It’s been a long day.” Josh put his hand on the small of Roland’s back and yawned. “Yeah, we’re going to bed.” He lowered his hand and ran it up through the hole in Roland’s jeans so he could squeeze his ass in front of Kenneth. Roland didn’t flinch. **** Josh removed his clothes the minute they were back in Roland’s bedroom. Roland headed for the bathroom first. He’d hidden his purchases from the sex shop in the linen closet because he wanted to surprise Josh. He stripped completely, then reached into the bag and pulled out the leash and collar, two black leather garter belts, cock rings, and black leather mask. He put the garter belts on first, then wrapped the collar around his neck. When he snapped the cock ring around his dick and balls, he already had a semierection—the garter belts really turned him on. The black leather mask was tricky: It was designed like a hospital mask to cover the lower half of his face, with two small openings for his nostrils and another for his mouth. The opening at the mouth was lined with thick black latex, and the hole was very small; but it stretched to accommodate any size dick. Roland fastened it tightly at the back of his head with four long strings so it wouldn’t fall off when Josh shoved his big dick into the small latex hole. The mask was secure, Roland picked up a tube of lubricant and slowly stepped out of the bathroom. Josh was sitting up in bed, his back propped against two pillows, watching

90 television naked. When he looked up and saw Roland wearing all this leather gear, his eyes glazed over. Josh grabbed his dick with one hand and switched off the TV with the other. He patted the bed. “C’mere and sit on my lap so I can do indecent things to you.” Roland smiled behind the mask and crossed the room. He climbed up on the foot of the bed, his legs spread wide and his back completely arched. Then he placed his hands on Josh’s ankles and slowly crawled forward, running his palms gently up Josh’s legs. When his head was above Josh’s crotch, Josh reached down and grabbed Roland’s face with both hands. He examined the black leather mask for a few seconds and inserted his finger through the tight black latex. Roland opened his mouth and sucked the finger inside, gently massaging Josh’s balls with his right hand. Roland pulled his head back a moment later and wrapped the other black cock ring around Josh’s ball sack and cock. He snapped it tightly. The colossal erection swelled and the head became shiny. Josh pressed his palm to the top of Roland’s head and closed his eyes. “Suck my dick.” “Yes, Sir,” Roland said. His voice sounded weak and muffled because of the mask. Josh moaned when the black latex touched the tip of his dick. Roland wrapped his fingers lightly around the shaft, pointed the head toward his mouth, and shoved it past the latex opening. He lowered his head and worked the entire shaft through the latex and past his warm, wet tongue. Josh’s great, muscular body jumped and gyrated as Roland’s head went up and down faster; his balls grew tight and his toes curled back. He grabbed both sides of Roland’s head and tried to slow down the sucking, but Roland only moved his head up and down faster. He was breathing through his nose and jerking his own dick.

91 When he was just about ready to blow his load down Roland’s throat, Josh clenched the sides of Roland’s head and yanked his dick out of the mask with a loud snap. “Get up on your knees in the middle of the bed and spread your legs,” he said. “I have an idea.” “Yes, Sir.” Josh untied the mask and pulled it from Roland’s face before pushing him forward and pressing the black mask up against his ass. Roland’s skin was soft and tan from the sun. Josh ran his fingertips up and down a few times. “Your skin is so fucking smooth.” “Fuck me, Sir,” Roland said. Josh bit his bottom lip and tied the strings of the mask around Roland’s pelvis so it would cover his ass and the mouth opening would be directly over his hole. Josh tied it tightly in a bow, and tugged a few times to make sure it wouldn’t fall off. Roland leaned forward and lifted his ass higher so Josh wouldn’t have to struggle to get inside. Josh wet his middle finger, shoved it into the latex opening, and probed for Roland’s hole. He found it and shoved inside. Roland’s head went back. “Fuck me now,” he moaned. “You want some big dick, Baby?” “Yes, Sir,” Roland begged. “I want big dick now, sir.” Josh pulled out his finger and reached for the lube at the end of the bed where Roland left it. He lathered the clear jelly up and down the shaft and pressed the head to the latex opening. “I’m gonna fuck you raw now, Baby. No condoms: just my dick in that tight hole.” He shoved his erection through the latex and into Roland’s hole with one quick thrust. “You like it raw, don’t you? You like big, dirty, raw cock in your hole?” “Yes, Sir!” Roland cried. “Fuck me raw with that big, young cock.”

92 Josh slammed his ass hard. “That’s right, Baby, you’re gonna get fucked with big, young cock tonight.” He bucked his slim hips and rammed in and out. The black latex made suction noises that reminded Roland of pumping air into a bicycle tire. “Fuck me with that strong, young cock,” Roland begged. His eyes rolled. He hadn’t been fucked raw in so long he’d forgotten how the lips of his hole felt against the skin of a man’s penis; and a penis as large and thick as Josh’s made it all the better. Josh was fucking hard and fast now. He slapped Roland’s ass. “You know what I’m going to do now? I’m gonna breed that tight hole. I’m gonna blow seed all the way up that ass-pussy, baby.” The bed shook. Roland gripped the sheets so he wouldn’t lose his balance. “Breed me, Sir,” he begged. “Breed my hole, Sir.” Josh’s balls swung back and forth. “I’m gonna breed you and then bring all my buddies over here to take turns breeding this tight hole.” His face was red. “Yes, Sir!” Roland shouted. “Let your buddies breed me, too.” He thought about Mark and Kent, and his mouth fell open. “Grab your cock,” Josh growled. “I’m getting close.” Roland’s eyes went back and his tongue fell out. Josh’s dick was hitting his prostate, and he only had to touch his own dick gently to know that he was ready to come. “Breed that fucking hole!” Josh yelled. His whole body jerked a few times, and then he filled Roland with the entire load. When Roland felt Josh’s dick swell and explode, he made a few circular motions with his hips and ejaculated all over the sheets. Josh fell on top of Roland and pinned him down to the bed. His dick was still inside and he forced it in even deeper. His chest was soaked with perspiration and his underarms

93 smelled like raw onions and stale, yeasty beer. Roland rested the right side of his face in Josh’s palm and inhaled the smell deeply a few times. “Are you okay?” Josh whispered breathlessly. “I tried not to get too rough. But those black garter belts look so fucking hot on your legs, man.” Roland smiled and pressed his lips to Josh’s palm. “You were wonderful.” “Your ass is so soft and tight,” Josh said. “I hate to pull out.” “Then don’t,” Roland said. “Keep it there as long as you want.” He smiled and clamped down tightly on young Josh’s dick so it would remain inside until he decided it was time to set it free. Thirty minutes later, when they’d showered and changed the sheets, Roland wanted to talk. He told Josh how devastated he’d been when he’d lost his parents at 20 years old, and how he’d met Kenneth at a bar one night. They were both young, lonely and inexperienced, and each wielded his own perspective of what the future held. Josh put his arm around Roland and listened quietly to the story of Kenneth and Roland hooking up that first night, and moving in together a week later. Kenneth’s mother, who was totally against their relationship from the start, refused to speak to her son for almost 10 years. Roland told Josh how hard he’d worked building the cosmetics business, and how Kenneth took courses in floral arranging to fill all the lonely hours. Roland said they didn’t have a bad sex life, but that there was always something missing. Josh shook his head and looked down at the sheets. “Sounds classic to me,” he said. “I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again.” His comment sounded smug; but his voice was soft and low, and he was shaking his head back and forth. “What do you mean?”

94 “You’re both bottoms,” Josh said. “While it might be possible for two tops to be in a serious long-term relationship, it’s impossible for two bottoms.” Roland jerked away and stared at him. “That’s not so,” he said, “We are both versatile. We used to take turns bottoming all the time.” Josh shook his head. “You really believe this? What did you do, flip coins? Seriously, think about it for a minute. I mean really think about it. When you see me, what is your first thought? Is it, ‘Ah, well, I’d like to bend that guy over and fuck him,’ or is it, ‘I’d like to bend over for him and spread my legs wide?’” Roland sat back and thought. “But you’re different.” “Seriously?” Josh asked. “What about my two buddies the other night? Did you want to fuck them? Because if that was the case, you could have. But you didn’t. You pulled down your pants and wiggled your pretty ass for those guys instead. You couldn’t wait for them to take turns tagging you.” He smiled. “And there’s nothing wrong with that. You’re a great, normal guy who likes sex. It’s awesome.” Roland couldn’t find the right words to argue back. “But Kenneth always said he was more of a top than a bottom.” Josh laughed. He reached down and squeezed Roland’s ass hard. “If he was really a top guy, and that’s really what he preferred, he never would have let your hot ass get away. Trust me, I can smell a bottom a mile away. Your Kenneth is only interested in getting tagged.” “I can top if I want to,” Roland said. “I’m sure you can,” Josh said. “But it’s not the same as wanting to top all the time. I know how that feels. I’ve never been interested in getting fucked, but when I look at your

95 ass all I want to do is get inside and get off.” He reached for Roland’s hand and squeezed it gently. “There is nothing wrong with being a total bottom, or a total top. It’s normal, and I think that’s why we’re so good together in bed.” “So you don’t believe that anyone can be versatile?” Roland said. “I’m sure some guys are, but not most.” “Maybe you’re right. Maybe the big problem was that Kenneth and I were both bottoms. But I can tell you this from experience: Sex is not everything in a relationship. Not if you want it to go for the long term. Intimacy and respect and simple kissing are just as important as hardcore fucking. Josh yawned and stretched his arms above his head. “I have a rule about intimacy and kissing,” he said. “I don’t do it unless I really mean it.” Roland wondered why they hadn’t kissed. They’d fucked and sucked all over the city that week, but they hadn’t kissed once—not so much as a peck on the cheek. “I’m getting tired,” he said, changing the subject. “Let’s go to sleep and talk later.” He snuggled against Josh and sighed. “But just so you know,” he added, “ I’m only a total bottom with you. With anyone else, I’m versatile.” “I’m glad to hear that, because I plan to nail you again first thing in the morning.” Roland sank back and spread his legs wider so Josh could play with his hole as they drifted off to sleep. “You have a one-track mind,” he said. “And you love it,” Josh said, circling Roland’s hole with the tip of his middle finger.

96

Chapter Eight

Roland planned to take Josh on Thursday night to one of the sex clubs along Dungeon Alley, but Donna called early Thursday morning while Josh was in the shower and invited Roland to The Met that night. “I know it’s short notice,” she said, “but I have box seats and it’s ‘Doctor Atomic.’ You can bring anyone you like.” Roland had been dying to see “Dr. Atomic” since first hearing about it in San Francisco during a trip to California wine country; and it had been almost two years since Roland had been to The Met. He doubted Josh was a dedicated opera fan, but the thought of taking him out in black tie made Roland smile. They could get dressed and go out together as a couple, where they didn’t have to deal with Kenneth and social obligations. “I’d like that,” he told Donna, “and I’d like to bring a guest. But there’s one condition: I don’t want to discuss business.” She lowered her voice. “I wouldn’t do that, Roland. I just thought you might like this. I’ll send a car.” Josh and Roland were leaving the next morning for Bucks County to attend the Ashley Foundation’s Garden Party (and a weekend with Kenneth), so Roland wanted their last night in Manhattan to be special. When Josh came out of the shower, Roland told him the plan. “We’re going to The Met tonight, and I’ll tell Russell to make sure our clothes are ready by six.”

97 “That’s cool,” Josh said, rubbing a towel between his legs to dry his balls, “I’ve never been there.” Roland crossed his fingers behind his back. “I’m sure you’ll enjoy it.” He had to remind himself that his conversations with Josh were business deals, blunt and efficient. Kenneth would have clenched his fists and shouted if Roland made plans for The Met without asking his opinion first. But Josh just smiled and continued rubbing his dick with the towel. “We’re going to meet Donna, the woman you know from Justin’s school,” Roland said, sitting down at the desk in front of his laptop. He wanted to check his e-mail and go over a few accounts. Josh crossed the room and stood in front of Roland, putting his semi-erect penis in his face. Josh reached down, opened Roland’s robe, and pushed it back off his shoulders. “And now we have all day to stay inside so I can do really bad things to you,” Josh said, bucking his hips like a male stripper giving a lap dance. Roland stared at the screen and opened his mailbox; he hadn’t checked his e-mail in more than a week. Josh’s dick bounced off the side of his face. Roland shook his head and smiled, then reached forward and wrapped his right hand around the growing erection. He kissed it gently. “You must be so tired of me by now.” Josh smiled and jerked his head back. “I never get tired of you. Besides, I want to make sure you get your money’s worth. After all, you are paying me five thousand dollars this week.” Josh was fully erect in Roland’s hand by then. Roland smiled and took a deep breath, opened his mouth, and swallowed the huge penis all the way to the back of his throat.

98 **** The long black town car was waiting for them at 7 p.m., which made Josh happy—it meant Russell wouldn’t be racing them uptown in the Bentley convertible. Josh wore his black Versace formal and Roland wore a new Gucci that fit his slim body perfectly. After giving Josh a long, slow blow job that morning, Roland went out alone to get a haircut, find a formal suit that actually fit, and find a gift Josh would appreciate. Whenever it occurred to him that Josh was young enough to be his son, Roland’s stomach wrenched. That’s why it took him even longer in the bathroom that night than usual. Josh was already fully dressed, sitting on the edge of the bed watching television, plucking small pieces of lint from his black slacks. Kenneth would have been seething, pacing the room. Roland was ready. He quietly stepped out of the bathroom and walked up behind Josh, reaching around with his right arm and placing a small box in front of his face. Josh looked up with curious, wide eyes. “What’s this?” he asked, taking the box from Roland’s hand. “Just a small gift,” Roland said. Josh opened the box. “What the fuck?” It was a heavy Rolex watch, sold gold with small diamonds circling the face. “Thank you!” he shouted, and slipped the watch on his wrist. Josh stood and stretched out his arm, moving his wrist back and forth while the gold band dangled. “This is spectacular; I love it.” He gave Roland a huge hug and squeezed his ass a few times. But he didn’t kiss him. Roland put his hands in his pockets and stood there with a huge smile on his face. He’d so wanted to remain detached, but when Josh’s eyes lit up and his smiled formed,

99 Roland almost stopped breathing. “C’mon,” he said, “Let’s get moving so we get there before the curtain goes up.” Russell was waiting downstairs in the front hall. “I’ll be home if you need anything,” he told Roland. “Thanks, Russell. I can always depend on you.” Josh and Roland rode uptown with the back windows open to get a little warm air from the street. Josh tried to get Roland to sit on his lap for a quickie. “Just pull down your pants and let me fuck you really fast. These limo drivers like that sort of thing—they like to watch.” “No. Be good. We’re almost there.” They met Donna outside. She wore a sleek black dress cinched at the waist with a wide, gold belt. He jewelry was simple and unpretentious: a thin gold watch and two diamond studs in her ears. Roland liked her black stilettos; they reminded him of the high heels the guy in the sex shop wore. When she smiled and shook their hands, she said, “I had no idea I’d be seeing you again, Josh.” She winked at Roland and smiled again. Josh stared up at Lincoln Center with wide eyes and pressed his palm to his stomach. “This place is something else,” he said. “I can’t believe I’m actually going inside.” He reminded Roland of a young child going on a first time field trip to a museum. His eyes went everywhere, his mouth hung open, and there were times when he had to stare down and focus on his steps so he wouldn’t trip and fall. He watched other people walking past, and kept his hands glued to his sides so he wouldn’t brush against them and look clumsy. Still, Josh nearly tripped on his own feet a few times while admiring the sparkling chandeliers.

100 They took their seats in the private box, Roland in between Donna and Josh. Josh continued to stare in every direction, and leaned forward on his elbows to look directly down over the railing. Roland bit his bottom lip hard and grabbed Josh’s knee. He wasn’t fond of heights; when Josh leaned too close to the edge, Roland felt faint. “You okay?” Josh asked. Roland took a deep breath. “I’m good. I just have to get used to the height, is all.” For 20 years Kenneth took Roland’s fear of heights casually. He liked to tease Roland about it. Kenneth’s worst trait had always been a lack of empathy. “What the fuck are we doing up here if you don’t like heights?” Josh asked. “I thought you’d like it,” Roland said, shrugging his shoulders. Josh shook his head and patted Roland on the knee. “If I’d known this, we’d be sitting in the orchestra.” But when the curtain went up and the lights dimmed, Roland sat back and forgot about his fear of heights. “Dr. Atomic” was about the Manhattan Project: the building of the atomic bomb, and the infamous Dr. Oppenheimer. Roland had always been a fan of presidential biographies, and FDR’s was his favorite. He knew Albert Einstein wrote to FDR about atomic energy, and he knew FDR wrote back expressing his interest. FDR had even been willing to organize a committee to scrutinize the use of uranium. The performers were magnificent, the music was stunning, and the time passed quickly. Roland watched Josh’s movements closely, concerned the opera would bore him to death. But Josh was completely engrossed. When the show ended, Josh stood. “I really liked that. It was exciting. But you can’t stop thinking about all the horror it created, too.”

101 “Ah, well,” Roland said, “the underlying sagacity of immense moral contradiction was riveting. I didn’t think it could be captured quite as well as that, at least not in this form. But they did it well, indeed.” “That guy who played Oppenheimer had a really hot little ass, too,” Josh said, his eyes still wide and glowing. His innocence riveted Roland. “This was very nice,” Roland said, turning to Donna. “Thank you so much.” She shrugged. “I just thought that it might be nice to get together while you’re in town, seeing as we might be working together soon.” Roland smiled and lifted a finger. “You said no business tonight. You promised.” Donna casually lifted both hands in the air. “That’s not business talk; it’s just a simple comment.” “You guys are gonna be working together?” Josh asked. Roland and Donna laughed. “We’re not sure yet,” Donna said. “Roland has a few decisions to make.” Josh smiled and leaned forward to help Donna toward the exit. “We should go out for something now. I’m starved.” “I wish I could,” Donna said, “But I have to pick up my son at my mother’s now. A single mom’s life is never without challenges. Getting out is one of them.” “How did you get here?” Roland asked. “I took a taxi,” she said, “but it’s no big deal. I’m fine.” But Roland insisted she take the car home. He and Josh walked to Columbus Avenue and hailed a cab. Josh told the driver to drop them at West 23rd Street and Seventh

102 Avenue. Turning to Roland, he said, “There’s a great little place near the Chelsea Hotel that has the best hot dogs in the world.” So they went to a grungy little place called Morton’s that served foot-long kosher hot dogs, knishes and pizza by the slice. The men sat in their suits at a long, Formica counter on maroon vinyl stools that wobbled and swiveled in disconnected circles in front of a plate glass window. People hesitated and stared through the smudged glass while Roland wiped mustard from Josh’s formal lapel. They each ate three hot dogs smothered in fried onions and potatoes. Roland forgot about his failed relationship with Kenneth and his work, and threw his head back to keep onions from falling on his pants. When he sipped his orange soda, he forgot about calories, too. And when Josh told him about how hard he and Hillary were working to buy the bookstore from the guy who owned it, Roland leaned forward and listened carefully. The old guy who owned the building was reaching the age of full retirement; he wanted to sell the business and the building, but was willing to sell them separately if Josh and Hillary could come up with a down payment for the shop by January. They’d both worked hard, and had sacrificed a great deal, with Josh working as a male escort to speed things up. He was very pragmatic about it all, taking huge bites of his hot dog and talking with his mouth full. It was just sex and earning a living, he said, not the rest of his life. When they were on the street again, Roland’s new slacks felt a little tight. He suggested they walk instead of hailing another taxi. “I like walking,” Josh said. “And when we get back to your place, we can go up on the roof and get naked.”

103 Roland smiled and punched Josh in the arm. “I’ll race you there.” He playfully pushed Josh back a few steps and started running down Seventh Avenue. They ran a few blocks before slowing down to a brisk walk. When they reached the brownstone, they removed their shoes so they wouldn’t startle Russell and raced again all the way up to the roof. Josh won, but only because he reached between Roland’s legs and grabbed his balls at the bottom of the last staircase. Josh broke a sweat by the time they reached the top of the stairs. Josh yanked Roland’s jacket off. “Last one in the hot tub has to get fucked raw.” Roland sat on the lounge chair so he could remove his shoes and socks slowly. He wanted to be last. The spotlights were on, and it wasn’t difficult to see. He watched Josh rush to take off his clothes and lope across the roof to the hot tub, unconsciously scratching his dick a few times. His firm, narrow ass disappeared into the soft, warm water. He sighed. “Ah, this feels so good. Get over here.” Roland’s heart raced as he removed his clothes; partly because he was about to join Josh in the tub, and partly because he noticed that the young couple with an apartment on the top floor of the building next to his saw them, and watched every move they made. He didn’t mention this to Josh at first, and didn’t want them to know he was aware of their gaze. The guy was dark and slim and reminded Roland of Keanu Reeves, and the woman was wide-hipped, with short red hair and pale white skin. From the few times Roland had seen them up close, he noticed they both had a lot of tattoos and piercings. Without looking up at the young couple, Roland stood from the lounge chair and stretched his arms up over his head. He was completely naked and his dick was growing long and thick. He turned to the side for a moment so they could see him better, and then

104 he crossed toward the hot tub to join Josh. Josh stood up and placed his hands on Roland’s waist, then lifted him into the warm, hot tub with a few splashes. Roland wrapped his arms around Josh’s neck and rested his cheek on his wide shoulder. The water was almost too warm; it made his skin itch and tingle. He whispered into Josh’s ear, “Don’t look up at the rooftop next door, but there are a couple of people watching us—a guy and a girl.” Josh lowered his hands and placed them on Roland’s ass, then casually lifted his eyes to the roof next door. He clutched Roland’s flesh. “They aren’t just watching. They’re both naked and he’s playing with her tits. Why don’t I sit on the edge of the hot tub and you can show them how well you suck dick?” Josh leaned in so closely his nose touched Roland’s cheekbone. “I’ll give them a real good show,” Roland whispered. Josh lifted one of his legs over the side of the hot tub and hoisted his muscular body up so he could sit on the edge directly beneath a spotlight. He spread his legs wide and leaned back on his hands, with one leg dangling over the edge and one still in the water. Roland reached for Josh’s dick with his right hand, opened his mouth wide, and stuck out his tongue. He licked Josh’s balls first, and the dark areas surrounding them. He pressed his nose between Josh’s legs and inhaled while Josh’s balls rubbed against his face. And right before he opened his mouth and sucked Josh’s cock to the back of his throat, he looked up at the young couple. The guy stood with his hands on his hips, leaning back with his legs spread. The woman was kneeling, licking his balls and rubbing her face between his legs.

105 Josh reached out with one hand and placed it on the back of Roland’s head, then pushed forward. “Suck my big dirty dick while they watch. Show them both what it’s like to suck big dirty dick.” Roland’s heart pounded. He wasn’t sure what the couple could hear, but he knew they were still watching when he opened his mouth and swallowed Josh’s entire erection. It hit the back of his throat. He could feel Josh’s wiry pubic hairs against his lips and could smell the sweet perspiration combined with bleached hot tub water between Josh’s legs. When Roland looked up, Josh’s eyes were closed, his head was back, and his mouth hung open. Roland ran his tongue back and forth against the bottom of Josh’s shaft. Josh’s hips bucked a few times and his head moved around in circles. He pressed his hand harder against the back of Roland’s head. “Suck me off, Baby.” Roland’s head rose and fell. His lips puckered and his cheeks indented each time he pressed his tongue against the shaft and sucked. He turned his face to the side a little so the guy could watch while the woman sucked him off, too. “He’s watching you suck me off,” Josh said. “His tongue is hanging out of his mouth, and she’s sucking him off at the same time. He looks like he’s ready to fall off the roof he’s so excited.” Roland’s head bobbed up and down while his lips made loud suction noises. He wanted them to hear him slurping and sucking Josh off; he wanted them to see saliva dripping down his chin. A moment later he heard the same loud, outrageous suction noises coming from them. He opened his eyes and looked up. The woman winked. When Roland deep-throated Josh, she deep-throated her partner. When Roland rolled his lips

106 around the head and sucked, so did she. Josh openly gazed at the couple as they openly gazed at them. Josh pulled Roland’s head back. “Get out of the tub now. Let’s show them how to fuck.” They crossed the roof to a double-wide lounge chair beneath another spotlight. It was so close to the couple on the roof above them you could see the excited expressions on their young faces. They waited for Josh and Roland’s next move. Roland arched his back and climbed up on the lounge chair. He went down on all fours, spread his legs wide, and threw his head back. Josh reached for a bottle of lotion on a table next to the chair. Roland looked up slowly at the young guy’s handsome face. His dark, almond shaped eyes met Roland’s and he smiled, and then he lifted his fist and raised his thumb in the air. The woman was already on her hands and knees, waiting for him to enter. Josh spread banana-scented lotion up and down Roland’s ass, then lathered his cock slowly. He held Roland’s ass with one hand and worked the head of his dick into Roland with the other. Roland looked up at the guy again. He was already inside his partner’s pussy, waiting for Josh to start fucking. “Fuck me,” Roland said. His voice was loud. “Fuck me hard with that big dick.” He stared at the guy in the window. Josh looked up. “You want me to fuck him now?” The man hesitated, stunned that Josh had spoken to him directly. “Yeah,” he said, “fuck his ass hard.” His voice was deep and throaty.

107 Josh slammed his dick far into Roland’s hole. The other guy’s body jerked. He clutched his partner’s ass and fucked her pussy very slowly. Josh bucked his hips hard. His dick banged in and out of Roland’s hole with loud slaps. Roland clenched the cushion on the chair with his fists to keep his balance. His head bounced up and down. He could see the young guy was fucking his partner’s pussy as hard as Josh was fucking his hole. Roland moaned and rotated his hips in extended circles so he could feel every last inch of Josh’s big dick fill his body. The only sound that came from above was when the young guy would occasionally look down and say to Josh, “Yeah, fuck his ass hard. Fuck that tight pussy so he begs for more.” Roland knew Josh was close to orgasm when he started to slap Roland’s ass with the palm of his hand. “Fuck me, fucking breed me!” Roland shouted. He grabbed his own dick and started jerking off. “I’m gonna blow my load, Baby,” Josh said. “Here it comes.” The fucking grew more intense and Josh’s legs trembled. His head went back and his eyes rolled. “Here it comes! Ah, fuck, yeah.” He slapped Roland on the ass hard and blew his load into Roland’s body. Roland climaxed next, shooting his load all over the chair cushion. He looked up and saw the young guy slam his dick all the way into the woman’s pussy. He closed his eyes and slapped her ass hard when he came. For the first time that night she opened her mouth and moaned. “Ah, yes, yes, yes!” With each “yes” her voice went higher. Then her body vibrated a few times, her head jerked back and forth, and she took a huge, deep sigh that echoed into the warm summer night.

108

Chapter Nine

Kenneth’s house in New Hope was deceiving at first glance. The narrow gravel driveway was lined with tall trees and looked longer than it really was, but it wasn’t grand and perfectly landscaped. On account of Roland always insisting that things be left natural and organic, it was fresh and casual, overgrown and unpaved. Kenneth and Roland had owned the house together for more than 15 years. They bought it as a weekend retreat. But it turned into Kenneth’s retreat from Roland as the years passed. Roland hadn’t been there since they split up; and wasn’t sure what to expect knowing Kenneth’s outrageous taste. He was surprised to discover nothing had changed. “I expected to see a fully paved driveway lined with huge, Greek statues and overgrown pots of flowers,” Roland said to Josh as they turned up the drive. Josh had driven the car from Manhattan, insisting that he wanted to get there and back alive. “It looks a little creepy to me,” Josh said, “like where they shoot low-budget horror films.” Roland sighed and folded his hands on his lap. Josh drove slowly to avoid deep holes and sharp ridges in the primitive road. The narrow driveway opened up to a wide, gravel parking area with a low, flat-roofed white stucco house at the end. Roland had always been a huge fan of mid-century modern architecture. When he learned the house was built by a student of Frank Lloyd Wright’s in the 1950s, he’d purchased it without thinking twice.

109 Josh parked the Bentley at the edge of a turn-around space near the plain glass front door. “Don’t let this house deceive you,” Roland said. “I know it looks like an old elementary school at first, but it’s really quite spectacular once you get past the modest entrance.” He crossed his fingers, hoping Kenneth hadn’t ruined the sleek, modern décor. Kenneth met them at the front door in his flashy Hawaiian shirt, white cotton pedal pushers, and sandals. He must have just colored his puffy hair; it was jet black and slick. Josh gave Roland a look. Roland smiled, put down his Louis Vuitton bags, and gave Kenneth a hug. Josh put down one bag and extended his arm to shake Kenneth’s hand. “C’mon in, Doll,” Kenneth said to Roland. “I have champagne in the library. I figured we could have an early cocktail hour and then go to La Millau Village for dinner.” “Excellent,” Roland said. Kenneth knew La Millau Village was his favorite French restaurant. But Roland knew Kenneth hated the place. He’d always thought the portions were too small and the seats uncomfortable. They entered a long, narrow hallway with a black marble floor and white walls that held a collection of paintings. There were two small Picassos on one wall that Roland always loved; across from them was an abstract by Neil Loeb, which had always been Roland’s favorite. Four rock crystal sconces hung between the paintings. The only change Roland could see was that Kenneth added a few round pedestals and some large, ornate flower arrangements. Josh went to place a suitcase on the red Chinese chair. “Not there, Doll, puh-lease,” Kenneth said. “That’s sixteenth century.” Josh gave Roland another look.

110 Roland smiled. “Just leave the bags on the floor and we’ll take them to the guest room after drinks.” The library had always been Kenneth’s favorite room in the house. He’d painted it in five shades of mismatched green and filled the bookshelves with his vast collections of Oriental porcelain. There were no books on the shelves. Kenneth had the rest of the room filled with neo-classic side chairs, a French gilded desk, and a Louis XV sofa covered with faux leopard fabric. Each individual piece in the room was actually exquisite; but because he’d piled everything together in such a hapless way, it all looked like flea market junk. Roland smiled and looked away when Josh offered a toast. He stood up, held his glass in the air, and said, “To Roland, and all the work he’s done for the Ashley Foundation.” “No clicking, Doll,” Kenneth said. “We’re using the Baccarat today.” Josh tried to put his glass of champagne down on the coffee table, but there were so many pieces of porcelain and crystal and objets d’art, he couldn’t find an empty place. Josh sat back, holding his drink in his hand, and placed his arms tight at his sides. Kenneth monopolized the conversation, tossing his head back in forced laughter while reminiscing about his past experiences with Roland. He made it all sound romantic and extravagant, as if they had been the perfect couple with the perfect lives, running about the world all flit and flitter. Marty, who had joined them in the library a few minutes earlier, sat there like one of the pieces of porcelain. Josh ground his teeth and looked at his new Rolex.

111 “Kenneth hates my guts,” Josh whispered to Roland as they walked to the guest room to change for dinner. “And I think he’d be willing to get back together with you in a heartbeat.” “That’s absurd,” Roland said. “He’s with Marty now. He left me for Marty.” It was the first time Roland had said it out loud. “Trust me,” Josh said. “There’s no sex going on between Marty and Kenneth anymore. They can’t stand each other.” “How do you know that?” Josh shrugged. “Because they are both bottoms.” Roland laughed. “You’re so sure about that. But I can tell you, firsthand, that looks can be deceiving. Don’t underestimate Kenneth’s topping abilities. He may be slightly effeminate, and his hairstyle may be outdated, but he knows how to fuck.” “I’m sure he does, every now and then. But I’ll bet anything those two are flipping coins to see who gets to be on the bottom.” “Kenneth can be a little hard to take sometimes,” Roland said. “But he doesn’t hate you. He’s really a very sweet guy. You’ll get used to him.” Roland turned to face the window so Josh wouldn’t see his smile. He knew Kenneth hated Josh, mostly because he was so much younger and unexpected. Going for someone as young and handsome as Josh was the last thing Kenneth would have expected from dignified, conservative Roland. The thing he couldn’t quite pigeonhole was Josh’s intense dislike of Kenneth. If Roland had been younger he would have guessed that Josh was jealous.

112 At dinner, nicely dressed in a black linen sport jacket and off-white slacks, Roland sat next to Marty and across from Kenneth and Josh. Josh wore a beige sport jacket and tight, low-rise jeans that made his crotch bulge out to a perfect mound. They ordered drinks first, although the champagne had left them dizzy. When it was time for the waiter to take their orders, Roland gave Josh a look over the top of his menu and ordered a chicken dish for him. The entire menu was written in French and Roland wanted to avoid a potentially embarrassing situation. Kenneth interjected. “And Josh, you simply have to try the haricot verts. They make them here with wine and brown butter and slivered almonds.” “They sound kind of fattening,” Josh said. “Not at all,” Kenneth said. “Haricot verts are probably the least fattening things on this menu. Besides, you’re still a growing boy and you need nourishment.” He smiled and patted Josh on the knee in a very condescending way, like you’d pat a little boy on the head when he’d refused to eat his spinach. Josh pointed his index finger in Kenneth’s direction, but before he had a chance to reply to Kenneth’s nasty “growing boy” comment, Roland told the waiter, “He’ll have the haricot verts, too, please.” He gave Josh a look and smiled. “You’ll like the way they prepare them here, Josh, trust me.” Josh looked down at his lap and smoothed out his napkin. Kenneth took control of the entire conversation at the dinner table, too. Marty sat sipping vodka martinis and sinking slowly toward his dish before jerking back fast. Roland noticed that whenever Kenneth spoke to him directly, Marty stopped moving

113 altogether and stared down into his dinner plate. When the waiter brought the bread, Kenneth obnoxiously leaned over and said to Josh, “The bread plate is on the left, Doll.” “I already know that, Doll,” Josh said, “but I don’t eat bread.” He handed the entire loaf to Kenneth. “But I’m sure you do.” Then he tapped Kenneth on the thigh and laughed as if he were just joking. Kenneth clenched his teeth and slammed the bread on the table. The highlight of Roland’s evening was when the waiter set a small plate in front of Josh and said, “And here are your haricot verts, sir.” Josh looked down at the plate for a moment, lifted his head to Roland, and laughed so loud his shoulders shook. “It’s fucking green beans,” he said, pressing his palm to his stomach, trying to control his laughter. Roland started laughing with him, as if they both knew an inside joke and there was no one else in the room. He laughed so hard he almost choked on a piece of bread. Kenneth frowned. “What did you think haricot verts were, Doll?” Josh stopped laughing and smoothed out his jacket. “It sounded kind of dirty to me, kind of like what I’m going to do to Roland’s ass later tonight when I get him in bed and spread his legs wide open.” Then he slapped Kenneth on the thigh again and started laughing. For the first time that night, Marty looked up from his martini and smiled. His eyes glazed over and he stared at Josh’s soft lips. The waiter placed the bill in front of Roland at the end of the night. Kenneth reached across the table. “This is on me.” He pulled out a credit card and handed it to the waiter. Roland didn’t object; he figured that Kenneth’s flower shop in town, Apro-Posie, must be

114 doing well in spite of its awful name. Kenneth drove them to the restaurant in a new Mercedes, the house looked well kept, and he had on a new Versace jacket. A moment later the waiter returned and whispered something in Kenneth’s ear. Kenneth’s face flushed and he reached into his pocket. He pulled out his wallet and handed over another credit card. “That was my old card,” he said sheepishly. The date was expired. Silly me.” Josh didn’t give it a second thought, but Roland watched the expression on Marty’s face. He lowered his eyes to his lap and shook his head. They stood from the table. Marty went outside to bring the car around and Roland went to the bathroom. Kenneth and Josh stood in the main lobby of the restaurant, waiting for them. Roland rushed into the bathroom because he didn’t want to leave them alone in the lobby any longer than necessary. When Roland returned, he found Kenneth was standing next to Josh, his hand on Josh’s ass. He was whispering something in Josh’s ear. Roland cleared his throat loud enough for Kenneth to hear, and crossed the lobby to where they were standing. “Where’s Marty?” Roland asked. “I thought he’d have the car by now.” Kenneth quickly removed his hand from Josh’s ass. Roland didn’t say a word. Marty pulled up with the car. “Here he is,” Kenneth said, and loped out the front door as if nothing had happened. But Josh stood there staring at the wall, his hands in his pockets and his eyes glued to the print. His eyebrows were furrowed and his lips were pinched so tightly there was a blue vein sticking out of his forehead. “What’s wrong?” Roland asked.

115 Josh looked him in the eye. “He put his hand on my ass, squeezed it, and told me he’d ‘like to get in there, Doll.’ He’s lucky I didn’t kick his fat ass.” “Don’t pay attention to him,” Roland said, trying to make it all seem perfectly normal. “Kenneth is probably just testing you.” Then, hoping to make Josh smile again, he added, “Besides, in your line of work I’m sure you’ve heard much worse than that from guys far worse than Kenneth.” Josh shook his head and sighed. He lowered his eyes to the floor. “I guess you’re right.” But he didn’t say a word on the ride back. And when they had after-dinner drinks at the house, Josh satin the corner of the library and sipped a small glass of port while Kenneth dominated the conversation again. Marty had two more martinis, and yawned each time Kenneth called Roland, “Doll.” By the time they were finally alone again in the guest room and Roland was ready to drop his pants and spread his legs, Josh was so livid he went into the bathroom and slammed the door shut. “I think you’re going to like the garden party tomorrow,” Roland said through the closed door. He wanted to get Josh’s mind off Kenneth. “It’s being held at one of the oldest farms in Bucks County and the grounds are spectacular. The women all wear big hats, and the men wear pastel suits.” Josh pulled the door open and crossed the room to open his suitcase. “And maybe a few more of your friends can squeeze my ass and treat me like common street trash, too.” Roland stopped unbuttoning his shirt. “I don’t understand why you’re so upset. Why don’t you just take a deep breath and stop acting like a child? So he grabbed your ass, big deal. Let’s move on.”

116 Josh slammed the suitcase shut and clenched his fists. “I’m acting like a child? That’s it. I want my money and I’m getting out of here. I’ll hitchhike if I have to. But I’m getting the hell out of here tonight.” Roland stopped breathing. His head went down and he closed his eyes. When he opened his mouth to speak, he had trouble mouthing the words. “I don’t have that kind of cash with me.” “I take all major credit cards,” Josh said, and reached into his back pocket to pull out his wallet. He handed Roland a credit slip. “You can fill out all the information yourself to make sure I don’t cheat you. I can get a confirmation tomorrow when I’m back in the city.” Roland took the slip and crossed the room so he could sit down at a small desk. He didn’t speak; he focused on filling out the form and signing his name at the bottom. His hand felt shaky. Roland took a deep breath and stared at the wall. When he finished writing, he lifted his arm and waved the slip in the air. His back was to Josh. Josh snatched the slip from Roland’s hand. The next sound Roland heard was Josh walking out the door. He sat at the desk for a long time staring at the wall, wondering why Josh had taken Kenneth’s flirtatious advance so seriously. When he finally stood again and walked to the bathroom, he looked down on the bed and blinked a few times. Josh left the new Rolex watch on top of the credit card slip at the edge of the bed . Roland quickly scanned the room. Josh hadn’t taken any luggage or any of his new clothes either. He’d walked out the door with the clothes on his back, expecting nothing more from Roland.

117 At first, thinking like a businessman, Roland didn’t grasp the magnitude of Josh’s symbolic gesture. He saw things in black and white: They had an agreement, and he was obligated to pay Josh five thousand dollars for the week. He knew Josh needed the money. When it finally occurred to Roland that maybe Josh had enjoyed their week together just as much as he had, he put on his shoes, grabbed his car keys, and ran out of the house. It took a minute to figure out how to move the car seat forward—Josh had it so far back Roland could barely reach the wheel. It took another minute to figure out how to turn on the headlights. Roland finally managed to get the car into gear and out of the parking space. He hit the gas hard and sped down the driveway, swerving back and forth chaotically to avoid holes and bumps. He assumed that because Josh didn’t know the area he’d just backtrack toward town on the same roads they had taken to get there. About four miles from Kenneth’s, Roland rounded a bend in the road and saw a tall figure walking in the distance. He knew it was Josh; he could tell by the way his long legs bowed at the knee, and by the way he bounced heavily on the balls of his feet. Roland hit the gas and honked the horn. But when he got closer and Josh turned to see what was coming down the road, Josh threw his hands in the air and jumped into the ditch. Roland hit the brakes and the car came to a screeching halt; he’d been driving so fast the back end of the car swerved to the left a little. He wasn’t sure how to lower the windows so he got out of the car and shouted over the roof, “C’mon, get inside. I don’t want you to leave.” Josh stood in the ditch with his hands on his hips, shaking his head. “You’re a maniac!” Josh shouted. “I thought some drunken driver, was going to run me down here in the middle of nowhere.”

118 Roland extended his arm to Josh. “I wanted to find you, and I wasn’t going that fast.” He stepped forward and opened his palm as wide as it would go. “You left the Rolex. That was a gift for you to keep.” Josh shrugged and lowered his head. “I didn’t feel right taking it.” Roland clenched his teeth and squinted. He hadn’t expected to become so emotionally attached to Josh; he wasn’t used to this sort of expressive exchange. “I don’t want you to leave. At least not like this, on a dark road in the middle of the night. It’s dangerous. C’mon. Let’s go back, please.” Josh took a deep breath. He reached for Roland’s hand and stepped forward. “Just one thing, though.” “What’s that?” “Can I drive?” Roland laughed. “You can do anything you want. Just come back with me now.”

119

Chapter Ten

Roland was in the shower shaving his body. He didn’t have much body hair, but knew Josh liked smooth skin. Roland wanted to be sure every inch of him was hairless, with the exception of a small, well-trimmed patch just above his penis. Josh was in the bedroom calling Hillary, who had been working nonstop at the bookstore while he was with Roland all week. It was a clear, sunny day. Roland could tell from the open bathroom window that it was breezy and dry, which was unusual for hot and humid Bucks County in August. Josh was animated that morning, but his conversation with Hillary sounded intense. Roland took his time in the shower to make sure his entire body was smooth They were going outside for a morning swim, and he didn’t plan to wear a bathing suit. Kenneth and Marty were at the flower shop, checking the flower arrangements for the garden party that afternoon. Roland stepped back into the bedroom and saw Josh sitting at the desk, holding the phone and staring at the wall. “Is everything okay?” Roland asked. “Hey,” Josh said, “I didn’t hear you come out.” He tried to smile, but his voice was low and his eyebrows were pointed down. “What’s wrong?” “Hillary just told me that the old guy who owns the building on Bleecker, where we have the bookstore, got a serious offer this weekend. Two guys from Murray Hill want to

120 buy the building, renovate it from top to bottom, and turn the shop into a trendy furniture boutique.” Roland frowned. “I thought you had an agreement with him.” “We do, tentatively,” Josh said. “But it’s not in writing, and this is a really good offer. I can’t fault anyone. The old guy said we still had a chance, though. He said he wouldn’t accept the offer if we can come up with the money by the end of the month. He said he really wants us to have the building and the shop, but he also has to be practical and think about his future. He’s been dying to move to Florida.” “Well that’s good news,” Roland said, “You still have time.” Josh jerked his head a couple of times. “We were planning on at least another two years of saving. We don’t have that kind of money right now, and there are only so many tricks I can turn in a week’s time. Even if we came up with a decent down payment, I doubt we could get a mortgage. In case you haven’t noticed, property values in the West Village have tripled in the past eight years.” Roland pressed his lips together and frowned. “How serious are these two guys from Murray Hill?” Josh stood from the chair and smiled. “I don’t really know. They have to sell their place in Murray Hill first, and there’s a chance that might not happen. All I know is that it is what it is, and sometimes things just aren’t meant to be.” He looked Roland’s smooth, naked body up and down and rubbed his hands together. “Are we still going out for a swim? I don’t want to talk about it right now. I’ll deal with it when I get back to the city.” “Oh yeah,” Roland said. “I’ll race you to the pool.” He grabbed a few towels and ran out the door.

121 The pool at Kenneth’s house was designed and planned by Roland the first year they were in the house. He had it installed far enough away from the house so that he, or anyone else, could swim privately in the nude. He had tall rows of thick bamboo planted to maintain that privacy. Roland threw the towels on the gray pavers and jumped into the pool with a huge splash. He swam toward the far end, knowing Josh would follow. The water wasn’t freezing cold because it had been hot earlier that week, but it wasn’t as warm as heated pool water should have been. Josh jumped in, swam to the other end, and grabbed Roland from behind. He put his arms beneath Roland’s shoulders and pulled him back against his strong chest. He whispered into Roland’s ear. “This is nice, being outside naked with you. I’m already hard.” Roland pressed his ass into Josh’s groin. “Slip it inside me, and let’s see how long you can keep it there without pulling out.” He spread his legs in the water and slammed his ass into Josh’s dick a few times. Roland lifted his arms out of the water and rested his elbows on the edge. He spread his legs while Josh prepared to mount him. Josh only had to press the tip of his erection to Roland’s hole and it slipped all the way inside without so much as a hint of discomfort. “Ah,” Josh sighed, his rock-solid cock all the way up Roland’s ass. “That went in so easily. And yet it’s really tight, too. I was afraid it might hurt without lube.” Roland leaned back into Josh’s strong chest. “You’ve got the perfect dick; it’s a good fit.” He wasn’t telling the complete truth. Years ago, when he was just starting to have sex with other men, someone taught him a little trick he’d never forgotten. What Josh didn’t know was that before Roland had left the bathroom that morning, he pre-lubed his

122 anus, inside and out, with petroleum jelly so Josh’s dick would slide in easily. He’d always believed the one on the bottom had certain duties to perform: like shaving and cleaning and being prepared with lube. Top guys liked those special touches, and they were always grateful and wanted more. “Let’s go over and sit at the shallow end, on the stairs.” Josh pressed one hand on Roland’s chest and the other at the bottom of his stomach, slowly walking backward in the water. When they reached the shallow end, Josh pressed his hands against Roland’s hips and sat down. He spread his hairy legs. “How does that feel?” Roland closed his eyes and lifted his head in the air. “Fantastic,” he said. He lifted both his legs, spread them, and hung them over Josh’s upper thighs so his feet would dangle in the water. Josh rested his chin on Roland’s neck and ran his palms up and down Roland’s legs. “You feel fucking smooth in the water,” he said, “Grind your hips a little for me.” Roland pressed his palms on Josh’s thighs. “Like this?” He asked, making grinding, circular motions with his hips. His toes curled and he could feel Josh’s rough pubic hair prickle the soft skin on his ass. He tossed his head back and sighed. Josh reached down and grabbed Roland’s ankles, pulling them up higher. “Keep grinding into my dick, Baby.” Roland rocked his hips, repeatedly clamping the lips of his anus around Josh’s cock. His legs were spread as wide as they would go, and Josh had his ankles pulled up so high his heels touched the backs of his thighs. This was the absolute deepest Josh’s dick could ever get inside his body, and yet his hole still begged for more.

123 “You love dick, don’t you?” Josh whispered. “Ah, yeah. I love it deep like this. You are so huge and so powerful.” Josh let go of Roland’s ankles. “I want you to turn around now.” When his feet were on the bottom of the pool, Roland sat up and Josh’s erection slipped from his body. His movements were slow and calculated, so Josh could look down and watch the huge rod gently exit Roland’s small, tight hole. Then they both stood, walked into deeper water, and Roland wrapped his arms around Josh’s wide neck before jumping up and wrapping his legs around Josh’s waist. Josh reached down with his left hand and placed it on the bottom of Roland’s ass so he cold spread it open. With the other, he slid his dick back inside. He didn’t poke or prod; the tip found the opening and slipped right in. Roland closed his eyes. “Yes,” he whispered. “Deeper.” He pressed his lips to Josh’s neck. He loved the way Josh smelled, like a man should smell: of raw beef and onions, with a hint of wet wood and cloves. “I like this,” Josh said. “I like your arms around me like this.” His hips bucked as his large hands massaged Roland’s ass. “Me too,” Roland whispered. He stuck out his tongue and licked the inside of Josh’s ear. He hadn’t done that before, and he hoped Josh would like it. “Yeah,” Josh moaned, “That feels good.” They lost track of time. Josh and Roland eventually wound up against the side of the pool. “Do you want me to go under the water and suck you off?” Roland asked. “No,” Josh said. “I want to fuck you. I need to come soon—my balls are starting to ache. Get down, lean against the side of the pool, and spread your legs.”

124 Roland complied. Josh grabbed him by the waist and shoved him to the edge with force. He bit his bottom lip and smacked his dick a couple of times against the top of Roland’s ass before he mounted him. Then he bent his knees, grabbed his dick, and shoved himself all the way inside. Roland spread his legs and held the coping for support. “I’m gonna fuck that tight hole, Baby,” Josh growled. “Deeper,” Roland begged. “Oh yeah,” Josh said, “I’ll give it to you deep and hard.” He reached down and jerked Roland’s dick with the same hard rhythm. Roland closed his eyes. His neck went limp and his head bounced. Josh’s hand was large and he jerked with such vigor that Roland had to concentrate on not coming too soon. He wanted Josh to come first. The fucking grew more intense. Water splashed out of the pool. “I’m gonna blow,” Josh moaned. “Here it comes.” There were five hard slams. On the sixth, Josh’s dick exploded and filled Roland’s ass. Roland orgasmed simultaneously. When Josh finally let go of Roland’s dick, he said, “That was fucking intense. Are you okay?” Roland clamped down on Josh’s dick. “I’m fine. Keep it inside as long as you can, and then fuck me again, harder.” Josh was about to say something, but stopped when he heard Kenneth shout, “Are you two down there?” “Oh fuck,” Roland said, “They’re back. What should we do?” Josh grabbed Roland’s waist and quickly pulled him to the edge of the pool. He pressed his hips hard and sat down on the steps so that it would look like Roland was sitting on his lap enjoying the water.

125 “Josh,” Roland said, trying to break free from his strong hold, “You should pull out now.” He didn’t want Kenneth to see him fucking another man in the pool; it didn’t feel right. “Just act natural,” Josh said. “He’ll never know I’m inside you.” Josh laughed. “At least, he won’t be completely sure.” Roland’s heart beat fast when Kenneth stepped into the pool area. “There you are, Doll. We’ve been looking all over for you.” Marty was behind him. His hands were in his pockets and when he saw them both in the water, naked, his eyes grew wide. Kenneth frowned. “Oh, I see I’m interrupting something.” “Ah, well,” Roland said. He moved to the left a little and Josh’s cock hit a sensitive spot in his ass. “We were just taking a quick swim, is all,” Josh said. Marty looked down and smiled. His pocketed hands played with his balls. It looked like he wanted to rip off his clothes and fuck Roland, too. Kenneth didn’t notice Marty. He shook his head and turned back toward the house. “We’re leaving for the party at one. I just wanted to see if you needed anything.” “Ah, no,” Roland said, “but thanks. We’ll be back up in a few minutes. We just wanted to get a morning swim in, is all.” “Take your time, Doll,” Kenneth said, walking back to the house. Then he noticed that Marty was still there, staring down at their naked bodies. “C’mon Marty. Let’s go, Doll. The show’s over and it’s time to feed the cat.”

126 Marty licked his lips before turning to follow Kenneth. Roland took a deep breath. “That was awful. You really should have pulled out. After all, he was my partner for many years.” Josh slapped his ass. “You loved it, and you know it.” Roland sat back on Josh’s dick and sighed. He couldn’t argue. Josh was right.

127

Chapter Eleven

Expensive European luxury cars lined the pasture at Meadow View Farm like soldiers braced for combat. The guests moved about leisurely on the thick green lawn. Their wide-brimmed hats stippled the landscape, and their summer suits and designer bags and country casual shoes swarmed the entire south garden of the huge estate. The men huddled near the main bar in small, stuffy groups; while the women smiled and pointed at exotic flowers and shrubberies. They chatted about their most recent travel expeditions, politely competing for the most exotic destination, throwing their heads back and raising their voices to vibrant levels that sounded slightly fake. One of the older men stared at they crotch bulge in Josh’s new beige suit. Two women near the rose garden stopped talking altogether when he passed them. A cute bartender with tight black pants stared at Josh’s lips and squeezed the neck of a vodka bottle. Roland stood beside Josh and smiled. Marty stood at the edge of the party by himself while Kenneth scurried all over the place checking his flower arrangements and working the crowd. He wore a stark white suit, with a yellow bow tie and beige and white saddle shoes. His black hair was puffed forward in the front in a style he only wore for extraordinary occasions. He moved from one person to another, calling each one “Doll” and patting everyone on their upper arm as if he were their dearest friend. When he walked past people he and Roland had known more intimately, he’d lean forward and whisper something with a snide grin on his face.

128 Ben and Stewart, old friends, hugged Roland and kissed him on the cheek. They told him how good it was to see him again, and how wonderful he looked. Their eyes popped when they met Josh, their tongues practically falling out of their mouths. Kenneth, who couldn’t wait to get Roland alone, finally grabbed his elbow. “I’m going to steal him away for a few minutes,” he said to Josh, steering Roland away toward a white gazebo. “Doll, people are talking,” he said. “They are all asking me who this Josh person is and if you’ve lost your mind. Barry and Sally are really worried; they think you might be in trouble. They say he looks cagey and sinister. Simon and Rick told Bill and Randy you gave him the Rolex he’s wearing. And I for one have to question your judgment in this case. I saw him flirting with women, of all things.” Roland laughed. “Give me a break, man. You left me for someone younger and turned my life upside down. And we all know how they like to gossip out here in the country. It gives them something to do.” “Marty was the biggest mistake of my life,” Kenneth said. “That’s why I’m so worried.” He turned and pointed to where Marty standing at the bar. “Look at him. He’s useless. He’s not even that great in bed. We haven’t had sex in two months.” Roland sighed. “Don’t compare Josh to Marty. They are two different people.” “Josh is trouble,” Kenneth said. “I’m telling you, he’s trouble.” He leaned forward and took hold of Roland’s sleeve. “Please listen to reason.” Roland lowered his eyes and smiled. “Stop worrying. If it makes you feel any better, Josh is a paid escort. I hired him to spend the week with me while I was up here so I didn’t have to face these Ashley Foundation events alone. Josh and I have an agreement,

129 and on Monday morning when I leave for Florida, Josh will return to his own life. He’s really a good guy, and he’s not trouble.” He hadn’t planned on telling Kenneth this, but it didn’t seem to matter much now that he was so close to leaving. Kenneth took a deep breath and smiled. “You have no idea how glad I am to hear that, Doll. I was really worried.” He made a fist and lightly punched Roland’s arm. “I’ll keep this between us. No one else has to know.” Roland smiled and shrugged his shoulders. “I really don’t care who knows,” he said, then put his hands in his pockets and walked away to speak with an old friend and business associate he hadn’t seen in a long time. Mike Grogan was Roland’s first real estate agent in Bucks County. He found the house for him and Kenneth, and was always the one to advise Roland through his real estate transactions in Pennsylvania. They’d bought and sold condos for profit, built a few spec houses, and even bought open land that Roland preserved to prevent cookie cutter subdivisions. Roland hugged Mike hard. He was in his late 70s, but looked more like he was in his late 90s. He was the most unpopular, unloved person in Bucks County. The only reason people invited him to anything was because he had money and donated it. His voice was raspy and low and he tended to be painfully honest, which is what Roland always cherished about him. Kenneth had always despised Mike. “Mike,” Roland said. “You look healthy and well.” He lied: Mike was unkempt to the point of his pants being threadbare and his underarms reeking of spoiled onions. Strands of unwashed gray hair fell to his neck, and he was now missing one front tooth.

130 “Bullshit,” Mike said. “I look like shit. You’re the one who looks good.” He tilted his head and nodded toward Josh, who was talking with a group of women near the rose garden. “And from the looks of that hot young number you’re with today, I can see why.” Roland smiled. “He’s very bright, too. He wants to buy a bookstore in New York.” Mike licked his lips and rubbed his palms together. “With a face and body like that, he doesn’t even need a brain.” He leaned in closer. “Tell me, does he have a big dick?” Roland stepped back and laughed. “I’m surprised at you, Mike. Be good.” He lowered his voice. “It’s huge.” Mike clapped his hands together. “I knew it. I can spot a guy with a big dick a mile away. I’ll bet that’s some change from what you’re used to with old Nancy boy Kenneth.” “C’mon,” Roland said. “Kenneth isn’t that bad. I’m staying with him this weekend and he’s been great. We’re friends now.” Mike pressed his lips together. “I’ll bet he didn’t tell you he’s up to his ass in debt with that stupid flower shop. What’s it called? Apro-daisy?” “Apro-Posie,” Roland said. “And no, he didn’t mention he was having problems.” “Well, the flower shop is four months behind in rent, the house is going up for sheriff’s sale, and from what I hear he’s maxed out all his credit cards.” Roland rubbed his jaw and lowered his eyebrows. “I had no idea.” “This is a small town,” Mike said. The house problem is public knowledge. They posted the sheriff’s sale in the local paper, and I know for a fact his landlord is waiting to get paid.” “How do you know that?” Roland asked.

131 “Because I am his fucking landlord!” Roland sighed and gazed out to where Kenneth still stood next to the gazebo. He was talking to a woman Roland didn’t know, fluffing a huge, red satin bow around the brim of her white hat. Roland couldn’t help feeling sorry for him. “Call me in New York on Monday. I’ll take care of the rent.” Mike raised his hands up high. “Oh no. I didn’t mention this to get money from you. You gave him a good settlement and you don’t owe him, or me, a thing.” Roland hugged him again. “Just call me and I’ll take care of things.” Then he left Mike there and crossed back to where Josh was. Josh was alone now, sipping a martini and looking ready to lie down on the grass and close his eyes. “You good?” Roland asked. “I’m good,” Josh said. He looked back and forth to be sure no one was watching. Then he pointed to his crotch and smiled. Roland snickered and wet his lips. “When we get back to the house, I’m going to work on that.” Though the Ashley Foundation was Roland’s favorite charity, he despised the garden party and couldn’t wait to get back to the house and suck Josh’s dick. The past two times they’d been together Josh had fucked him, but he hadn’t actually sucked Josh’s dick all weekend and his mouth was starting to water. So when it was time to leave, he pulled Kenneth aside and said, “I have a headache. Let’s go now.” They’d all arrived in Kenneth’s car, and he knew from years of past experience that Kenneth tended to be the last one to leave any party.

132 During the drive to the house, Kenneth spoke in such a rush it seemed as if he was about to explode. He dispatched all the conversations he’d had at the party, gossiping about old friends and offering his own personal insights to their problems. To look at him, driving his new Mercedes and flashing his large gold rings around, you wouldn’t have thought he had a problem in the world. Roland sighed out loud as they pulled into the driveway. “What’s wrong, Doll?” Kenneth asked. “Nothing,” Roland said. “I’m going down to the pool for a swim. Does anyone want to join me?” Marty didn’t answer; he’d fallen asleep on the door with his head pressed to the window. “I’m going to pass,” Josh said. “I’ll wait for you in the guest room, though. Don’t be long.” Kenneth glanced at Marty and pushed his lips together in a tight, pinched smile. He pointed at Marty. “And I have to get this one into the house.” Marty was out cold; he didn’t even flinch when Kenneth turned the car off. **** While Roland was down at the pool and Marty slept off his liquid lunch, Kenneth removed all his clothes and put on a very short, black silk bathrobe. Then he quietly crossed to the other side of the house to pay Josh a little visit. He didn’t bother to knock. He just barged right into the guest room while Josh was undressing. “Hey, Doll. What’s doing?”

133 Josh had just removed his pants and stood near the bed in his sheer white boxer briefs with his shirt unbuttoned. He looked up surprised and turned to the side. His dick was visible, pressed against his large balls through the sheer fabric. “I thought maybe you’d like to make a few extra bucks this weekend, Doll,” Kenneth said. He walked forward and placed his palm on Josh’s ass. “Why don’t you take everything off, lie down on the bed, and spread those sexy legs for me? I’ll bet you’re expensive, but worth every penny.” Josh’s body went stiff. He placed his hands at his sides, closed his eyes, and clenched his fists. “What’s going on here?” Roland interrupted. He’d been standing in the doorway since Kenneth had placed his hand on Josh’s ass. When he realized Kenneth didn’t have any towels in the cabana, he walked back to the house to get one. And from what he could see, not a moment too soon. Kenneth stepped back and smiled. “I just thought your hot little escort might like to make some extra money, Doll. We could have a three-way if you’d like.” He put both hands on the small of Josh’s back and tried to force him down on the bed. Even though Josh was strong enough to pick Kenneth up and toss him across the room, he jerked to one side. “Get your hands off me.” “C’mon, Doll,” Kenneth said. “I know all about you, and what line of work you’re in. Roland told me everything. Stop acting so high and mighty and whip out that dick like a good little hooker.” Josh stared into Roland’s eyes and shook his head. “You told him?” His expression suggested disgust and disappointment; not anger.

134 Roland met his stare and shrugged. “I didn’t think it was a big thing.” Kenneth reached down and touched Josh’s ass again. “It’s not a big thing. Now show me what you do best, Doll. Open those legs and whip out that dick.” Josh closed his eyes and bit his bottom lip. But he didn’t jerk away and didn’t fight Kenneth’s advances. “If this is what you think of me,” he said to Roland, “then I guess I’d better do my job, Doll.” “Get your fucking hands off of him, Kenneth,” Roland said. His face turned red and his eyes bugged from their sockets. He crossed the room and grabbed the back of Kenneth’s black robe with one hand and his throat with the other. Roland yanked him away from Josh so hard Kenneth sailed across the room and landed on the floor. His bathrobe opened and his pot belly fell to one side like a deflated inner tube. Josh stepped back and watched. This was the first time he’d ever seen Roland lose his temper. His fists were clenched in mid-air and the veins in his neck bulged. “Calm down, Roland,” Josh said. “It’s okay.” But he couldn’t help staring between Kenneth’s legs. Roland had been too polite to mention that Kenneth had one of the smallest dicks Josh had ever seen in his life: an acorn attached to a couple of long, lowhanging balls. “Don’t tell me ‘it’s okay,’” Roland shouted, waving his fists. But he was still talking to Kenneth, who was on his knees trying to stand up now. “You always go too fucking far, Kenneth. You never know when to stop. This time you’ve crossed a line.” Kenneth stood and fastened his robe. “I thought he was a—” “Well you thought wrong!” Roland shouted. He turned to Josh. “Let’s pack. Just shove everything into the bags. We’re getting out of here right now.”

135 Kenneth stared down at the floor and crossed the room, stepping toward the doorway with his right hand pressed tight against his stomach. His hair seemed bigger than usual and his plucked eyebrows looked silly. In his black silk robe he reminded Roland of something you’d find behind the door in a sleazy motel room in Vegas, he was a pathetic, sunken outline, hunched-over and old and entirely hopeless.

136

Chapter Twelve

It seemed like Roland had Josh’s dick in his mouth almost all night long. The only time it wasn’t there was when he was sucking his balls or chewing the damp, sweet spot in Josh’s crotch next to his balls. Sunday was their last night together and Roland couldn’t stop. He was amazed that his jaw didn’t ache and that he didn’t seem to get tired of Josh’s dick. And Josh didn’t seem to mind at all. He closed his eyes, spread his legs, and folded his hands behind his head while Roland serviced his dick. Every now and then he’d say something dirty: “Suck me off,” or “Swallow that big dirty dick all the way back, Baby.” And just when he was on the verge of falling to sleep, he told Roland to roll over on his stomach and spread his legs (he actually said, “Bite the pillow and open up wide, Baby). Josh had as much interest in Roland’s ass as Roland seemed to have in his dick. And then it felt as if Josh’s dick was inside Roland’s hole all night. He climbed onto Roland’s back, pressed the tip of his cock to the opening, and slipped it all the way inside, using only his own saliva as lubricant. When he rested all his weight on Roland’s body, Roland’s legs bent at the knee and his calves went up. His toes curled and he wrapped his arms around the pillow. Josh’s hips bucked with a slow, even pace that made the room spin in circles. Roland rested his head on the pillow and closed his eyes. He could feel Josh’s hot breath on his neck. Roland prepared for Josh to slam harder; he’d learned from past experience this was usually about the time when Josh would press his palms on the mattress and do vigorous push-ups while his dick hammered away at Roland’s hole.

137 But Josh continued to push it gradually, keeping his cock buried as deeply as it would go. “It feels so good to be inside you,” whispered. He pressed his lips against Roland’s and kissed him with such a soft touch he almost didn’t feel it. Roland hesitated for a moment; he knew Josh had a thing about kissing. But when Josh pressed his lips harder, Roland opened his mouth and stuck out his tongue. He ran it all over Josh’s sweet lips while Josh closed his eyes and moaned. Then Josh shoved his tongue against Roland’s and rolled it around in circles. His hips bucked faster and the kissing grew so intense they both had to gasp for air. Roland moaned as Josh hit his prostate. His eyes were closed, Josh’s hot, wet tongue was buried in his mouth, and his body was about to erupt into the wildest orgasm he’d ever known. When Josh reached back and squeezed Roland’s ass as hard as he could, Roland sucked on Josh’s tongue until they both started to moan. Their bodies exploded a minute later at the same moment. Josh deposited an immense load into Roland’s willing vessel; and Roland came all over the sheets without ever touching his dick. It was a double orgasm that filled Roland’s entire body with spasms, jolts and tremors; one that would ruin him for the rest of his life because no man would ever be able to duplicate it. The first climax began at the lips of his anus, traveled up through his torso, and ended at the top of his head. The second was concentrated inside his hole and went to the tip of his dick. His balls tightened and his eyes rolled back with each ejaculation. Josh’s tongue was in his mouth the whole time. “I thought you didn’t like to kiss,” Roland said after they’d caught their breath.

138 Josh gave him a peck on the cheek, then laughed and kissed Roland’s lips. “I never said that I don’t like to kiss. I just said I don’t kiss, which means I don’t kiss paying clients.” Roland laughed. “Kiss me again.” Josh slapped his ass hard and kissed him on the lips. “How’s that?” “Not bad,” Roland said, “But my ass is going to be bruised in the morning.” “I’ll put cream on it,” Josh said. Then he shoved his tongue so far into Roland’s mouth he almost choked. **** Roland gave Josh a good-bye blowjob the following morning. He wrapped his lips tightly around the head of Josh’s dick so he wouldn’t lose a drop. Then he licked it clean, rested it with great care on Josh’s stomach, and went into the bathroom to shower. He didn’t brush his teeth; he wanted to keep Josh’s sweet taste in his mouth as long as he could. When Russell brought up a tray with coffee and warm chocolate croissants, he handed Roland a large manila envelope. “This was dropped off on Saturday by a young woman named Donna. She said you’d be very interested in the contents.” “Thank you, Russell.” Roland stared down at the envelope and smiled. He’d been waiting for Donna to contact him about the job. “Can I get you anything else?” Russell asked. Roland didn’t take his eyes off the envelope. “Ah, no. We’re fine. Josh will be leaving today. But if you could call the airport in New Jersey and confirm my plane for tomorrow morning, I’d appreciate it.” Roland had chartered a jet for his return to Florida.

139 Russell frowned and looked down at the floor. “I’ll call them this morning.” On the way out the door he turned. “It was good having you back home this week.” Roland smiled, but didn’t reply. When he opened the envelope and read the first few pages, he was amazed to see how many clients the cosmetic company had lost in only one year’s time. There was a handwritten note from Donna attached to the first page: “I know I said I wouldn’t hound you about coming back to work full time,” she wrote. “But I thought you’d like to know, in more detail, what’s been going on since you sold the company. Call me if you have any questions.” Roland rested the envelope on his lap and rubbed his eyes. It occurred to him that if he agreed to work as a full-time consultant, he’d be able to turns things around and save the business. He sighed and lowered his head, wishing Donna hadn’t let him see how bad things were. Josh came out of the bathroom, and put on his new low-rise jeans and black polo shirt. He was wearing a hint of cologne Roland had bought, and the new Rolex dangled from his wrist. He rolled his old clothes up. “I feel kind of weird about taking all the stuff you bought me last week,” He said. All the new things were neatly piled in one corner of the room; Russell had packed everything into Louis Vuitton bags for Josh. “That’s ridiculous,” Roland said. He stood from the desk slowly—the backs of his legs were sore from all the fucking, and Josh had left some large bruises on the right side of his ass. “They’re your clothes, and I want you to take everything.” Josh shrugged. “Thank you.” “Do you want coffee or something to eat?” Now that Josh was ready to leave, things had become so formal and polite Roland’s stomach churned.

140 “No thanks,” Josh said. “I should hit the road. I told Hillary I’d work all day at the bookstore so she can get a little free time.” He was smiling, but his voice was soft and hesitant. Roland crossed the room to his desk. He opened the bottom drawer and pulled out a metal box with a combination lock. It opened and Roland withdrew five neat little stacks of money, each wrapped with a thin paper band. He walked back to Josh. “Here’s the money I owe you.” His voice cracked a few times and he couldn’t look at Josh’s face. Josh accepted the bills. “Thank you.” He lifted his arms to hug Roland, but stopped short and crossed the room the get his luggage. On his way, he stopped at the mirrored table where Russell had placed the food and took a huge bite of a warm chocolate croissant. He turned back to Roland with his mouth full, shrugged his shoulders, and said, “I guess I’m a little hungry after all.” He shoved the rest of the croissant into his mouth. When he was finished, he looked at Roland and smiled. Roland laughed. “Vous avez de la chocolat sur votre dent.” “What?” “I said, you have chocolate on your tooth. It’s what’s written on that sign in your store in French. The sign above the chocolate counter.” “That’s what that sign says?” Josh asked. “Hell, I always wondered about that. Hillary found it at a flea market and just hung it up. I never bothered to ask her what it meant. She’s French Canadian and I figured as long as she knew it didn’t matter.” “C’mon,” Roland said. “I’ll walk you downstairs.” Russell was rinsing out the old coffee pot at the sink in the kitchen. He raised an eyebrow and looked down at Josh’s luggage.

141 “So long, Russell,” Josh said. “Watch out for those potholes on Eighth Avenue.” He bit his bottom lip and pretended to punch Russell in the arm a few times. Russell smiled. “I will, young man.” He put down the coffee pot and reached out to shake Josh’s hand. It wasn’t a casual handshake. Russell squeezed hard, placed his left hand on top, and said, “Take care of yourself.” Then Josh pretended to punch Roland’s arm. He said, “Take care.” Roland smiled. “You too.” Josh smiled and crossed toward the kitchen door. He opened it and stepped into the courtyard. By the time he turned around to close it again, Roland was rushing up the stairs to his bedroom.

142

Chapter Thirteen

Russell was in the kitchen filling a tall, wooden pepper grinder on the center island with multi-colored peppercorns when Roland came in to say goodbye. It was a hot, humid Thursday morning. Josh had only been gone three days, though it felt much longer. Roland could feel small beads of perspiration form at his temples as he walked toward Bleecker Street. Another young man passed him as he rounded the corner; his shirt was wide open and his pants were pulled down so low in front you could see the upper portion of his dark pubic hairs. Roland was so focused on Josh, he hardly noticed that the young guy had smiled and flirted with him—something he wouldn’t have ignored a week earlier. After Josh had left on Monday, Roland ran upstairs to his bedroom, sat down at his desk, and telephoned Donna. “Is the job offer still open?” Roland asked. “Of course it is.” Roland could sense from the tone in her voice she hadn’t expected his call so soon. “I read those papers you sent, and I think it was a very sneaky thing to do,” he said, which really meant he thought it was the smartest thing she’d done all week. That’s when he knew he couldn’t just take off to Florida again and let the company dissolve into nothing. “When do you start?” she asked. Roland was already strategizing on how to reclaim his old clients on the west coast.

143 “You of course realize I haven’t been this excited about anything since I took this job,” his new co-worker said. Roland smiled. “I haven’t been this excited about anything in a long time, either.” He thanked Donna and told her he’d stop by her office later that week so they could formalize everything. “I’ll get started on your new office today,” Donna said. Because it was a little before 9 a.m., Magnolia Bakery was closed. But a few of the other shops were already beginning to open for business, their welcome signs hanging in doors and “End of Summer Sale” signs dotting windows. The guy who owned the furniture store next to the bookstore leaned against his doorway smoking a cigarette, and two elderly women walking arm in arm stood staring through the window of an antique store two doors down. Roland shoved his hands into his pockets and crossed the street to the bookstore, where there was already a sandwich board sign out front tied to bright Mylar balloons floating in the stagnant city air. Roland could smell rich chocolate streaming through the doorway. His stomach rumbled. He hadn’t been able to eat much since Josh had left. When he crossed through the entrance, Roland looked toward the chocolate counter and saw Josh seated on a tall stool beside the cash register. The cash drawer was open and he was counting loose change. Roland pulled his hands out of his pockets and lifted his right arm high. He jiggled a set of keys in mid-air. “Good morning,” he sang. Josh stopped counting and looked up. His eyes opened wide and he jumped off the stool. “What the fuck? What are you doing here? I thought by now you’d be long gone.” He smiled so wide the dimples in his cheeks turned into narrow lines.

144 Roland shrugged. “I decided to hang around for a while. I’m going back to work at my old company as a consultant. I’ll be working with Donna.” “Fantastic, Man,” Josh said. He looked at the keys still dangling from Roland’s fingertips. “What are those?” Hillary stepped out of the back room carrying a box filled with books. When she saw Roland, she forced a smile. “Hello,” she said. “Nice to see you, Hillary.” Josh frowned. “I’m really glad to see you, Roland. But this isn’t the best day for us. Our landlord told us we have to be out by the end of the month. Someone bought the building and we’re screwed.” Hillary smiled. “We were only fooling ourselves anyway,” she added. “There was no way we’d ever be able to come up with a down payment in the next year.” “I’m sorry,” Roland said. He noticed that her French Canadian accent became more obvious when she spoke softy. “At least one good thing came out of all this,” she said. She looked at Josh and smiled. “Josh has fully retired from the male escort business.” There was a smug tone in her voice, as if she was telling Roland he was wasting his time if he was there to hire Josh. Josh raised his hands and shrugged, not looking Roland in the eye. “I just didn’t feel like doing it anymore.” Roland looked into Josh’s eyes. “I’m glad.” Hillary turned and placed the box of books on the floor next to the counter. “I’m going into the back room for more boxes now,” she told Josh, “We have a lot of work to do. This new owner, whoever it is, wants us gone as soon as possible.”

145 “Please stick around for a minute,” Roland said, “I have to tell you both something very important.” He crossed to the counter so he could look Josh directly in the eye. “There’s this great little used bookstore on Bleecker Street where they sell handmade chocolates. When I heard it might go out of business because someone else was going to buy their building, I called the landlord, made an offer, and bought it myself.” He was smiling so wide you could see his teeth; he started to bounce up and down on the balls of his feet. Josh looked at Hillary, and then back at Roland. “You made an offer on the building?” Hillary’s eyes opened wide; it looked as if she’d stopped breathing for a moment. “This building,” she whispered slowly. “I made the down payment on Tuesday and we go to settlement at the end of the month.” He dropped the keys on the counter in front of Josh and folded his arms across his chest. “These aren’t the real keys,” he said. “Just a symbolic gesture.” Josh jumped over the counter and grabbed Roland by the waist. He lifted him up in the air, twirled him around a few times, and placed him on the counter. Then he grabbed Hillary and twirled her around, too. “I want to keep everything the way it is,” Roland said, “and Hillary and Justin can move into the landlord’s living quarters as soon as he leaves—if that’s okay with you guys.” He didn’t want to sound as if he were taking control of their lives. Hillary extended both arms and grabbed Roland’s hands. “Thank you,” she said, her eyes moist. “Well, your landlord recommended you both very highly, as good tenants who are never late with your rent.”

146 An awkward moment of silence followed. Josh looked at the floor. Hillary smiled and cleared her throat. “I’m going in the back room,” she said. “I have to unpack a few things.” “I missed you,” Roland said to Josh when she was gone. “Me too,” Josh said. “Can you get off from work a few more days?” Roland asked. “Why?” “I thought maybe we could take a ride out to Bucks County today and spend a long weekend.” “What about Kenneth?” Roland smiled. “He had money problems. The house was going up for sheriff’s sale. I couldn’t let that happen. I bought it back from Kenneth and asked him to leave. He and Marty are on their way to Palm Springs as we speak.” Roland took care of Kenneth’s debts, and the realtor Mike found a small, inexpensive condo for Kenneth in Palm Springs. Josh leaned forward and kissed Roland on the lips. It was only supposed to be a quick kiss, but they wound up hugging and sucking tongues right there in the store. When Roland reached down and squeezed his dick a few times, Josh stepped back. “I’ll go tell Hillary.” When he returned a few minutes later, Roland was standing in the doorway, staring across the street at the bakery. An employee struggled with the front door. Roland closed his eyes and inhaled Hillary’s chocolate truffles.

147 Josh walked up behind Roland and placed his palm on Roland’s ass. “We should get some cupcakes before we leave.”

The End