Power Over Stress at Work (Hawksmere Special Briefing)

A H A W K S M E R E S P E C I A L B R I E F I N G Power over stress at work By Daniel L. Araoz P U B L I S H E D B...

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H A W K S M E R E

S P E C I A L

B R I E F I N G

Power over stress at work By Daniel L. Araoz

P U B L I S H E D

B Y

T H O R O G O O D

LT D

IFC

A

H A W K S M E R E

S P E C I A L

B R I E F I N G

Power over stress at work By Daniel L. Araoz

P U B L I S H E D

B Y

T H O R O G O O D

LT D T H E P U B L I S H I N G BUSINESS OF THE HAWKSMERE GROUP

Published by Thorogood Limited Other Hawksmere Reports and Special Briefings published by Thorogood: Influencing the European Union Peter Wilding

12-18 Grosvenor Gardens London SW1W 0DH. Thorogood Limited is part of the Hawksmere Group of Companies.

© Daniel L Araoz 1998

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All rights reserved. No part of this publication may

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be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or

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transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the prior permission of the publisher. This Briefing is sold subject to the condition that it shall not, by way of trade or otherwise, be lent, re-sold, hired out or otherwise circulated without the

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publisher’s prior consent in any form of binding or

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a similar condition including this condition being

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cover other than in which it is published and without imposed upon the subsequent purchaser. No responsibility for loss occasioned to any person acting or refraining from action as a result of any material in this publication can be accepted by the author or publisher.

A CIP catalogue record for this Briefing is available from the British Library. ISBN 1 85418 176 9 Printed in Great Britain by Print in Black, Midsomer Norton.

I want to live so that my life cannot be ruined by a single phone call. Federico Fellini, La Dolce Vita. Personal growth has no limits. Everything else does. Charles Handy, The Hungry Spirit.

Dedicated to Alexander E Putman and his older brother William Putman.

The author Daniel L Araoz was born in Buenos Aires, Argentina and has lived continuously in the USA since 1962. He obtained the doctorate in Family Relations in 1969 from Columbia University in NYC and became board certified in Counselling Psychology by the American Board of Professional Psychology in 1975. He has been a management consultant since 1976 specialising in team building and group work, stress management, effective communication and leadership. He worked for six years with the US Military Academy at West Point in the Tactical Officers Education Program.There he directed for three years the Counselling and Leader Formation M.S. degree course granted by Long Island University with which he has been affiliated since 1973. For seven years he worked for the American Management Association running their Executive Effectiveness Course. He also wrote a monthly column on ‘Thinking for Success’ in one of the AMA Forum publications. He was consultant to the Wharton School of the University of Pennsylvania for a program on family business. Among his ten books, he wrote Re-engineering yourself with Dr.William Sutton, published in 1994 by Adams Publishing in Boston. His fluency in Spanish,German and French made him available for consultation in North,Central and South America, Europe as well as in many states of the USA.

Contents Introduction .................................................................................................................1

PART ONE: The nature of stress

1

Understanding stress

8

What is stress? ..............................................................................................................9 Our mind is the key....................................................................................................10 A working definition...................................................................................................11 Stress makes the body suffer ......................................................................................11 Don’t push yourself!...................................................................................................12 Stress kills ...................................................................................................................13 Afflictions of civilisation.............................................................................................13 Points to remember ....................................................................................................14 Stress harms the mind ................................................................................................14 Summary.....................................................................................................................14

2

How stress is manifested

16

Stress identification and evaluation form ...................................................................17 Points to remember ....................................................................................................18 Personality and stress .................................................................................................19 ‘Thinking makes it so’ ................................................................................................20 Activity: Stress identification and evaluation .............................................................20

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Problems stress create in business

22

Stress and the executive’s work .................................................................................23 Activity: Stress on the job...........................................................................................24 The entire company suffers........................................................................................25 Points to remember ....................................................................................................26 Ignore it, but it’s still there..........................................................................................26 Problems in business created by stress ......................................................................26

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Main causes of stress

28

Surge of violence ........................................................................................................29 Face it and act on it ....................................................................................................30 Prevention ..................................................................................................................30 The executive’s responsibility ....................................................................................30 Think peace, speak peace...........................................................................................31 Inner peace.................................................................................................................31 How the successful executive acts.............................................................................32 Points to remember ....................................................................................................33

5

How to audit stress in the organisation

34

Gauging the stress levels ............................................................................................35 The employee’s response ...........................................................................................37 Case study: Personality changes..................................................................................37

PART TWO: Practical ways of coping with stress

6

Dealing with stress

41

How to deal with stress..............................................................................................42 ‘Stress’ hides the answer to stress...............................................................................42 Stop, think, relax .........................................................................................................43 The emergency formula in action ..............................................................................43 Three quick unstressing methods ..............................................................................44

7

To deal with stress, build a non-stressful existence

47

Healthy optimism .......................................................................................................48 Power thoughts ..........................................................................................................49 Case study: Using the STR technique .........................................................................49 Humour ......................................................................................................................50 Lack of humour ..........................................................................................................50 A quick test.................................................................................................................51 Supportive personal relations.....................................................................................51 Points to remember ....................................................................................................52 The perfect circle .......................................................................................................52 Stress immunisation....................................................................................................52 Lasting results .............................................................................................................53 Components of ESS ....................................................................................................54 Secure in oneself ........................................................................................................54

Emotionally self-contained .........................................................................................54 Case study: Self-destructive behaviour........................................................................55 Rooted in one’s inner peace.......................................................................................55 A non-stressful existence ............................................................................................56

8

Re-engineering yourself

57

To approximate the ideal ...........................................................................................58 Activity: Priorities in my life ......................................................................................58 Time and stress...........................................................................................................60 ‘Time stays, we go’......................................................................................................60 So much to do, so little time .......................................................................................61 Forced honesty with oneself ......................................................................................61 Case study: Mr Jeffrey’s Stress and Time Worksheet....................................................62 Optimise the use of time ............................................................................................63 Activity: Stress and Time Worksheet ...........................................................................65 Time for reflection .....................................................................................................66 Summary.....................................................................................................................67

9

An unstressing programme for the senior manager

68

Introduction to the programme .................................................................................69 Different schedules.....................................................................................................69 An integrative approach .............................................................................................70 Week 1........................................................................................................................71 Case study: Ms Lamb’s triumph ..................................................................................72 Week 2........................................................................................................................77 Case study: Stress and hypertension ...........................................................................80 Week 3........................................................................................................................83 Case study: Coping with the threat of redundancy ....................................................87 Week 4........................................................................................................................90 Case study: Coping with a merger ..............................................................................93

10 Achieving balance in your job

95

Attitude check ............................................................................................................96 Case study: Job satisfaction .........................................................................................97 Optimum control for job satisfaction .........................................................................98 Conclusion..................................................................................................................99

Appendix

100

Bibliography .............................................................................................................101

Introduction Some of the frightening effects of the Pacific current El Niño, in late 1997 and throughout the following year, were unusual weather conditions. In the corporate world there are also storms. They come from the very nature of business – annoying deadlines, government regulations, people relations, budget restrictions, productivity, customer satisfaction, advertisement and,lately, corporate restructuring with mergers and downsizing,just to mention a few. These storms, like the extreme weather conditions, produce stress which often takes control of the senior executive.Then, in a true ripple effect, the stress slips down from him1 to the lowest person of the total corporate system.

Science fiction made real But besides the regular business storms, the stuff of science fiction only a couple of decades ago, has become our daily reality, increasing stress in our accelerated lives. Faxes, beepers, shredders, cordless phones, e-mail, the Internet and many more technological conveniences, have become our friends and our enemies.These mixed blessings demand a heavy stress toll. We do produce more, faster and better than before, but we are also under heavier pressure than ever.We can learn to cope with the stress of the new corporate culture, as we do with the weather, or we can allow ourselves to be overwhelmed and even destroyed by it.

A pragmatic method This Briefing offers a practical approach for the senior executive with stress issues and assists her in becoming more effective, enjoying her work more than ever before.The material of this Briefing is scientific,based on the most recent evidence on stress and on how to transform it into energy. But it purposely avoids as much as possible scientific jargon and insistence on research studies.

The senior executive as a role model Part of the executive’s job is also to be a role model to the people under her care if her message is to sound genuine and valid (as Chapter 5 examines).As a role model, the senior manager must have learned how to deal with stress and how to transform it into productive energy. Only then can he teach others how to do the same. In consequence, this Briefing centres first on the senior manager himself and expands further into practical guidelines for his work with subordinates.

1

INTRODUCTION

Stress is everywhere Psychiatry in the USA has accepted finally that stress is an important component of any and all mental,emotional and behavioural disorders (as the first three chapters discuss).The logical corollaries are that, first, stress is universal and inevitable, and second, that the ones who have succeeded in handling stress are the truly mentally healthy. That stress is universal and inevitably comes primarily from the normal process of change that is part of living. Developmentally we are all experts in change since we started as infants and have been changing ever since,whether we are 35 or 75.But the present problem of excessive stress lies in the technology-saturated society in which we live. Technology has added much stress to the normal developmental changes because of the tremendous speed at which everything with which we are familiar is modified. In the last 50 years or so the world has seen more technological changes than in the previous 5,000 years.The people living today on our planet have seen more technological changes than any other past generation of humans.

Everything is changing Even the most sacred cows are being slaughtered by technological change with the unavoidable personal stress.Sacred cows are,for instance,cultural norms for marriage and family relations, attitudes towards privacy, views on health, death and longevity, core values relating to work and leisure time,money and retirement,the way we cook and the food we eat,the way people make love, the way wars are fought, and many more. How each one of us may accommodate to these changes is the concern of this Briefing and especially,how to handle the stress that all these dramatic changes trigger in the senior executive and in each of the people he depends on to get things done.

Stressful change Every change requires special adaptation-resources in the individual that (unlike those needed for the normal developmental changes) are not part of our natural make-up and have to be learned. It is like what happens with language. Humans have an instinct to speak, like bees to create beehives, and the natural skills required to speak are channelled into our native language. No stress here. But when we need to learn another language later in life, we must develop many resources that do not come naturally.In this case there is stress.Similarly with all the adaptations we have to make in order to cope with our constantly changing world.They produce more

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INTRODUCTION

stress now than ever before in the history of mankind because of the volume and the frequency of the urgency to adapt. And often the adaptation fails and we end up paying a high price.

Coping with stress Moreover, stress is our responsibility because it is always subjective.The stress we feel is in direct function of the thoughts we have – the way we react to a stressor due to our interpretation of the event, the expectations we harbour and the beliefs underlying our reaction to it.We must find ways of coping with stress. Two main courses are taken to cope with stress,especially corporate stress.The most frequently used is to manage stress, practical enough and beneficial for the short-term, but still leaving us quite vulnerable.The other is more creative and effective for the long-term but not as popular. It consists in learning how to convert stress into energy by changing many aspects of our life style.This is the focus of this Briefing.

Do not just cope, transform! What makes this Briefing unique and singles it out from among the vast literature on stress, is that it teaches the senior executive effective techniques necessary to transform stress into energy. It also provides the principles underlying this process, so that managers are able to create their own methods to conquer stress.Therefore the unavoidable condition to become immune to stress is to learn how to transform it into energy,the self re-engineering (see Chapters 8 and 9). Personal interest in stress often comes from discontent with the way one has been handling it. This Briefing assumes the reader’s need to improve the skills needed to deal constructively with stress in his professional and personal lives.

Corporate benefits Having assimilated these life-saving techniques,the job of senior executives will become more effective and enjoyable. For instance, a significant part of the HR job is to teach people how to be more effective in their own responsibilities within the corporation.Therefore, because much of the waste of time and energy on the job is due to stress,acknowledged or not,it follows that learning how to cope creatively with stress shall be of great benefit to the corporation itself. People will work better, more effectively and with an improved attitude.The workers will be happier and the company will get more out of them in terms of productivity, morale and teamwork.

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INTRODUCTION

The senior executive shall benefit from this improvement also, because she shall have fewer problems with her people;things shall be more relaxed and shall move more smoothly,making her job less demanding and more pleasant. The end result of all this shall be more effectiveness and productivity for the senior manager as well as for all the people working in the organisation. In one of the large companies with which we consulted, productivity increased to a dramatic 215 per cent the year following our work and the majority of the people who participated showed great improvement in morale (74 per cent) and much more effective team work (92 per cent) at all levels of the corporate structure.

Personal commitment After assimilating the contents of this Briefing, wise senior executives will commit to the programme outlined in Chapter 9, and will make it a way of life.The practices in Chapters 6 and 9 shall become springboards for many other techniques HR specialists and other senior managers will devise for themselves in order to help the people under their care. Everything in this Briefing requires the senior executive’s motivation,work and repeated practice leading to greater satisfaction in one’s professional achievements and to its by-product,personal happiness.

Historical note The techniques of this Briefing are rooted in the activation of one’s imagination.Hinduism, Buddhism, Zen, Taoism and other ancient mental disciplines have taught this method for centuries.This is what Karl Jung called active imagination, while others labelled it psychovisualisation, creative imagination, guided imagery, the movie in your head or dynamic imagery. Each of these names emphasises something special in its approach but they are all hypnotic in nature because they use mostly imagination rather than logic, intellect and reason. However, they are quite different from traditional hypnosis and have very little to do with it.Traditional hypnotists run the show and guide the mental activity of their subjects. The new hypnosis, on the contrary, creatively activates the imagination starting from the subjects’ own preconscious metaphors or other mental activities spontaneously produced while being relaxed.

4

INTRODUCTION

Logic is not supreme As we normally walk on two legs, reason and imagination are needed to think. Unfortunately, Western culture over-emphasises intellect, objectivity and scientific evidence. In so doing, it often neglects creative imagination and subjective experience.We deem poets less important than scientists,dancing less serious than gymnastics. Nevertheless,what really transforms a person is not argument and logic but a unique, individual and personal inner experience – the vivencia of the Spanish.This is the result of creative imagination, not of reason, and this is the very essence of hypnosis – imagination leading to unique inner experiences that,in turn,change one’s behaviour.

Not traditional hypnosis Since 1985 I have been identified with the new hypnosis,the title of one of my books explaining how most of what people think of hypnosis is false.Its most important point is that to change, we do not need to make the unconscious conscious, as psychoanalysis teaches, but we must make it more effective, in the genial formula of Camino and Gibernau (see references). Therefore, to transform stress into energy, new hypnosis techniques are necessary because to become immune to the old reactions to stressors, we need fresh vivencias to take their place.Traditional post hypnotic suggestions are not enough.The new hypnosis developed many techniques and,more importantly,the basic principles to use our imagination dynamically and to create our own techniques for change.

The special mental channel This Briefing offers many techniques to handle stress which (by now it is clear!) are not hypnosis in the traditional sense,though they are based on hypnosis and creative imagination.It explains, likewise,what lies underneath the process of personal change,so that the senior manager shall be able to benefit from this special channel or manner of using one’s mind, first at work, and also personally. There are basically two modes of mental functioning. Our ordinary mental channel (left hemispheric brain) is mostly directed to the world around us.When we focus on our inner world,we use the special mental channel,right hemisphere,and can change the unconscious without having to understand fully how it happens. This special mental channel, through vivencias,allows us to change the reactions to events,attitudes,expectations,beliefs,and values that we realise need to be changed, because the old ones have proven ineffective.

5

INTRODUCTION

To immunise ourselves from stress,we must transform our life style.Intellect alone is not enough to do this. Hypnotic principles and methods are necessary. 1

In trying to avoid sexist language, this Briefing interchanges randomly masculine and feminine pronouns when the plural is cumbersome or weaker than the singular.

6

The nature of stress

Part I

I

Understanding stress What is stress? Our mind is the key A working definition Stress makes the body suffer Don’t push yourself! Stress kills Afflictions of civilisation Points to remember Stress harms the mind Summary

1

chapter 1

Chapter 1: Understanding stress What is stress? Stress is what happens to us when something demands more energy from us than we have at the moment. Because we lack the energy for coping realistically at the time, we react negatively and unproductively.These external events, as we interpret them, act like an alarm system against danger requiring immediate action and put us under physical and mental strain. The stress response is our natural protection against damage and, ultimately, destruction. It is a survival mechanism, for our benefit.When we don’t heed it, we are in trouble because we go against our nature.‘As we interpret the external events,’ above, refers to our mental activities and depends on our personality. When these mental activities are negative, they produce stress. Briefly then, stress is the experience of physical and/or mental danger caused by our faulty reaction to external events and/or by our own mental activities. External events, by themselves, do not cause stress; our mental activity about them does. On the other hand, mental activities alone, without external events present, can also produce stress. And external events alone, without our mental activity, in and of themselves, do not produce stress. This can be a starting outline: / / Event ————————— / Negative mental activity / ————————— Stress / / The event is like a statue at night and the mental activity is like a beam of light that can change colours, from red to yellow to blue, to any other colour.

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CHAPTER 1: UNDERSTANDING STRESS

Our mind is the key We always can control our mental activities and this is the key to handling stress. Regarding the external events, what is dangerous for one is exciting for another. What makes them demanding and straining is our subjective perception and evaluation of them. For instance: • A forgotten deadline • An unexpected and unavoidable phone call in the midst of a serious and delicate negotiation about an important account • An urgent request from the Board of Directors for a Briefing on something that needs careful preparation, and • Other similar situations. On the other hand, the mental activities are: • Either worries and fears about future happenings or regrets and • Bad memories about things past, such as: – that upcoming meeting with a difficult but powerful customer – a joke I made during a presentation to a stiff audience of prospective clients that did not go over well – the worries created by a discussion of budgetary issues with my chief accountant – regrets about having fired someone privy to many company secrets, now working for a competitor, and so on. All these are called ‘stressors’ because they usually produce stress in us. To further clarify the terms, there are many distinctions to explain stress.Thus, anticipatory stress,residual stress,post-traumatic stress,physical,mental and emotional stress appear often on this topic. For the time being we do not need to obfuscate things with many distinctions.The one we use is external stress, like weather conditions that we cannot change and internal stress, like negative thoughts that we must learn how to change. Hans Selye, one of the most acclaimed researcher on stress, referred to these two in the mid-fifties as eustress and distress, but the first of these two words never became popular.Because this is the case,this Briefing uses stress as damaging, and energy as constructive.

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A working definition Stress is always the result of the negative and unproductive individual interpretation of circumstances, situations, events, actions or omissions of others.What upsets us is not what happens to us but how we react to it. So that anything that bothers us produces stress. Or, if you want,stressors are very individualised and a stressor always is anything that bothers the individual.The secret, therefore, is to have the necessary mental skills not to allow outside things to upset us. Because stress is always damaging, we often realise it too late, when it becomes clearly upsetting.But when we do not realise the presence of stress cognitively,there are many symptoms ‘telling’ us of the presence of stress. The mental skills needed to immunise ourselves from stress are related to our beliefs and expectations, our understandings and individual interpretations, our imagination and attitude and, most importantly, to our esteem, respect and mature love of self. The distinction between events and our reaction to them is the key to understanding stress and how to transcend it.

Stress makes the body suffer Stress affects both our body and our mind.Once we have ‘created’stress,either by our mental reaction to a specific situation or by ignoring the warnings of our body, the physiological reactions to stress are inevitable.Very complex and the domain of medicine, they include the brain activating the pituitary gland, which triggers the release of adrenaline and other glucocorticoid hormones,causing the body to be fully ready for action.This is done by boosting circulation and unleashing the energy stored in our tissues as glucose.This stress response directly activates our brain chemistry and has almost immediate effects in many other bodily systems.This spontaneous response is necessary for surprise encounters with immediate danger, but to allow it to be on all the time because of our busy life style becomes self-destructive. If we pay attention,we realise some of the bodily changes produced by stress.Other alterations may go undetected until it is too late for our own good.The following is a very incomplete list; but, even so, go over it and notice how many of these changes you may not notice when you are under stress. • Alterations in my immune system • My skin feels different • Changes in the function of the heart, my vessels and the chemical composition of the blood • My muscles tense up

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• My lungs seem to change gears and start operating differently than normally • My digestive system acts up • My body temperature is changed • The function of all my senses becomes generally sharper. If you cannot truly say that you are aware of all of these effects of the stress response, you are not alone. By reading this Briefing and concerning yourself with stress you are protecting yourself from the damage that chronic stress can do to you as an individual and to the organisation as a group. All these physiological changes are controlled by the autonomic nervous system without any conscious doing on your part and take place in just a few seconds,once the brain has perceived danger. Psychologists call it the ‘fight or flight response.’And, it is worth emphasising that the perception of danger may be completely wrong. But regardless of its truth, the body reacts this way to the danger the mind perceives.

Don’t push yourself! A practical important point for the Senior Executive is that pushing oneself creates stress.The body has its limits but the mind can ignore tiredness and believe that the body can last longer working on this urgent project for another couple of hours or continuing to drive overnight to make it for that important breakfast meeting at 8am. In these cases, the mind is playing tricks on us again and later we pay dearly with illness. If we don’t listen to our body when it tells us that it needs attention and caring, that it is not at ease,we find dis-ease sooner or later.An important aspect of transforming stress into energy is to take care of our body. The body speaks to us through symptoms, as we mentioned.We listen to our body when we pay attention to symptoms such as: • My stiff neck or shoulder • A nagging, unexplained headache • A queasy stomach or my clammy hands • A dull back pain that I’ve been ignoring • The inability to take a deep breath or my rapid, shallow breathing • My tight throat, weak knees or pounding heart.

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These are some of the most common physical signs of stress.There are many more,all warnings that we are pushing ourselves.They are reminders that we need a break and change of pace. To ignore these symptoms is to ask for trouble, allowing stress to take over and ultimately destroy us. Take a minute now to reflect on YOUR physical symptoms of stress.You may find them in the list above or they may be different. Be truthful and admit that they are related to stress and that you must and can do something to relieve your body of this burden.

Stress kills What comes out very clearly when one considers the nature of stress is what new scientific evidence tells us about the intimate connection between what we think and how our body behaves. We act because of the way we feel and we feel because of the way we think, most frequently, not consciously.That is, our beliefs (the things in our mind) affect our feelings which, in turn, affect our conduct. Now we have evidence of previously unknown connections between the brain and the immune system,more specifically,the limbic system in the brain and specialised organs that control the immune system like the thymus, the spleen and others.

Afflictions of civilisation Cancer,arthritis,cardiovascular and respiratory diseases have been labelled the four afflictions of civilisation.Reaching epidemic proportions in countries like the USA,these four are greatly influenced by stress. In other words, when we do not cope with the changes, we run the risk of becoming sick. This theory encourages us to find productive ways of coping with stress. If stress is always dangerous and even damaging, it makes sense to spend time and energy doing something constructive about it.Instead of waiting to become sick in order to protect us from the madness of adaptation, we may develop our own personal techniques to immunise ourselves from this stress.

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Points to remember The body follows the mind. Perception of DANGER has the same effects as real danger. The body’s alarm system acts in seconds. Monitoring our body is healthy; ignoring it leads to disease.

Stress harms the mind However, there is still more. Stress also affects us psychologically, as if we were changing our personality. Others may say behind our back that we have been acting differently lately. Close friends may even ask us if everything is all right.We notice it too and, in moments of honesty, admit to ourselves that: • Our threshold of tolerance is lowered • The slightest thing makes us irritable and quick to anger • We feel generally more anxious than we normally do and, thus • We are more forgetful, accident-prone or depressed. Other psychological signs are: • Sleep and eating problems (more drinking than normal?) • Changes in sexual drive • Difficulties in concentration with increased distractions affecting our behaviour in many areas, from driving the car to following a social conversation • In general, we feel very little joy in living. As a consequence, we find ourselves neglecting important relations, arguing about nothing, starting arguments and fights with strangers as well as with those close to us and communicating poorly. In the nature of stress is the ability to take over our entire life.

Summary It is important to remember that stress consists of our negative subjective reaction to our own experiences.These are either the things that happen to us and around us or the thoughts that bother us and we feel unable to control.Among ‘our negative reactions to the things that happen to us’ is the denial of stress.We deny stress when we refuse to heed the symptoms discussed earlier which are always warnings of stress from our body.

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Next we shall consider the most ordinary manifestations of stress in our lives. By forcing ourselves to pay attention to the things that we consider stressful, as we shall do in the next section,we shall start to realise how much freer we could be if we did not have those stressors. On the other hand,to become aware of stress helps us audit the level of stress we are enduring at any given moment.As we shall see more concretely in the exercise, Stress on the job (page 23), the four levels of stress are: • Manageable • Unmanageable • Dangerous and • Catastrophic.

15

How stress is manifested Stress identification and evaluation form Points to remember Personality and stress ‘Thinking makes it so’ Activity: Stress identification and evaluation

2

chapter 2

Chapter 2: How stress is manifested This chapter starts by a very practical and basic practice. Because stress is a subjective phenomenon, the first step to deal with it is to recognize it. Before we talked about the symptoms of stress. Now we focus on the things that trigger those symptoms. We owe it to ourselves to understand our own areas of stress.The following exercise should be filled now with as much honesty as possible. It is only for your personal use. Rank in order of importance to you from 1 (most stressful) to 13 (least stressful) the list of items that currently produce stress in your life.

Stress identification and evaluation form ■ Pressure to perform perfectly ■ Fear of failure and rejection; insecurity feelings ■ Time control – priorities and procrastination ■ Fatigue – over commitment on my part ■ Money demands ■ Interpersonal relations at work and/or with friends ■ Marital and family tensions ■ Sexual problems ■ Lack of personal fulfillment ■ Boredom and burnout ■ Little hassles and everyday frustrations ■ Poor health habits (identify) ■ Other (identify) Note:After filling out the form, put it aside for the time being.We shall come back to it later.

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CHAPTER 2: HOW STRESS IS MANIFESTED

Stress is always the product of a subjective reaction to external or internal events.The event is neutral in most cases, not stressful in itself, but we make it so with our mental focus.And our mental focus includes our own: • Perception • Evaluation • Interpretation • Selective association – with negative past experiences (it always happens to me), or – with information from other sources (what happened to so and so) • Fear. The event in itself may not even be real but only imagined. Here is an example.A coiled belt on the floor of my hotel room during a tropical vacation can appear to me like a snake and my reaction to it is as stressful as if it were a real snake.Someone not familiar with snakes may shoot the belt with a revolver or have a heart attack or run out of the room screaming like mad. Someone familiar with reptiles will look at it closely and smile when she realises that she misperceived the belt.Therefore,the central point in stress is the thinking of the individual.

Points to remember ‘Most folks are about as happy as they choose to be.’ (Attributed to Abraham Lincoln) Therefore, they are also as miserable and stressed as they choose to be. Therefore, stress is always the result of our negative attitude towards the things that happen to us, around us or inside of us. Negative attitudes bring stress; positive attitudes short-circuit stress. Of course, the ‘choice’ in Lincoln’s statement is not conscious and deliberate. Because we are the products of our past and many of the events that become stressors relate to our personal history, including values and beliefs acquired without realising it while growing up, our ‘choice’ is perfectly innocent and unconscious. Our values and beliefs affect our perception of the situation.

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• How we evaluate it (good or bad for us; convenient or dangerous) • The explanation we give to ourselves of what is happening (‘They are lazy, they are a threat to us, they are evil, or they are crazy’), and • The way we associate this event with others, misusing and misapplying information about other situations (‘This is what happened to so and so,’ or ‘This is the way it was in the 30s’). All these are the direct result of our values and beliefs.The outcome is apprehension and even fear about the current event, a negative attitude towards it and ultimately rejection of it.

Personality and stress This complex mental process, of which we are unaware in most cases, is what may be called ‘personality-related stress.’ In ordinary language we may say,‘this is his personality,’ referring to some expected reaction of a particular individual to a particular situation. For instance, if we believe that debt is bad or that foreigners are untrustworthy because we were brought up with these values, being in these situations will be more stressful because these two items bother us more than if we had grown up used to debt and foreigners.And, as we said, anything that bothers us, rightly or wrongly, produces stress. Had we grown up in a place where snakes were common-day occurrences,we would have reacted very differently to the belt-snake incident referred to above. Regarding mental activities, some people go through much stress, worrying about things that for others are silly: • Will everyone be present at the meetings? • Will the secretary have the copies ready on time for distribution? • Is Mr. Smith annoyed at what was said last time?, etc. This summary outline completes the earlier one, showing us graphically how our mind acts as a screen that distorts reality to our disadvantage. External events \ Negative individual reaction = Stress / Mental activities

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‘Thinking makes it so’ Later,in Part II,we shall focus on practical ways of dealing with stress.But from all of the above, already a general practical conclusion jumps at us.It is clear that we have to audit our thoughts because in most cases stress starts with what we think, what we believe, what we accept as true. The only situation excluded is forced stress, when one finds oneself under physical constraint to do or endure something one cannot escape. Other than that, it is always our thinking. John Milton said it long ago:‘The mind… can make a heaven of hell,a hell of heaven.’And Shakespeare stated it slightly differently:‘There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.’ Many other great minds had the same insight, which the Bible puts succinctly:‘As a man thinketh, so he is.’ In order to assimilate this principle completely, we return to the practice started at the outset of this chapter.

Activity: Stress identification and evaluation To concentrate on the part thinking plays on stress, go back to the Stress Identification and Evaluation form on page 16, and look at your responses.Take only the three highest areas of stress you indicated in the form.For each,ask yourself,‘What do I say to myself about this (area of stress)?’ If your primary stress came from poor time management, let’s say, check honestly, not what you know you should think about it, but what you instinctively tend to believe, such as ‘All the people around me are incompetent and lazy.They don’t do their job well and never, God forbid!, do they extend themselves to help out.And I have to do more than my share not to let the ship sink.’ The more we blame others,circumstances and the imperfect reality around us,the more stress we produce for ourselves.A considerable part of stress is to feel helpless about doing anything to correct one’s circumstances. After recognising the negative thoughts around your areas of stress,ask yourself – again very honestly: ‘What can I do realistically to truly improve the situation?’ You emphasise what YOU can do REALISTICALLY to truly IMPROVE the situation.

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You are not thinking of what others should do or of how things should be.Then start with something concrete and small and try it out tomorrow at work.This may be as simple as greeting everybody in a friendly and relaxed manner when you start the day in the morning. To sum up, with the Stress Identification and Evaluation exercise you become aware of your ‘explanation’of your areas of stress.If you find that you tend to blame circumstances or others for your stress, like most people do, determine what you can do to improve the situation and put that into practice the next day. If you are convinced that you cannot do anything, you can always change your attitude and your reaction to what triggers your stress. Senior executives are more vulnerable to stress than most other people because of their many and weighty responsibilities and because they are high achievers.Ignoring stress and denying its existence are quite common practices.When I was very young, an old, wise, teacher used to say that the saddest type of blind person is the one who refuses to see. It comes to mind every time I see a very bright, competent and accomplished senior executive allowing stress to take over every aspect of his life while,at the same time,denying that there is any problem. The practice of ignoring and denying stress only produces unnecessary stress all around them, impairing the smooth functioning of the entire organisation and endangering its wellbeing. The next section shall concentrate specifically on various aspects of stress in the organisation and on the role of the senior executive in dealing with it.

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Problems stress create in business Stress and the executive’s work Activity: Stress on the job The entire company suffers Points to remember Ignore it, but it’s still there Problems in business created by stress

3

chapter 3

Chapter 3: Problems stress create in business The responsibility of the senior executive is tremendous when it comes to spirit, culture and morale in a company.There are all sorts of reasons for stress, tension and strain, even in the best-run business. It is the nature of most businesses to face the unexpected every day. The deal which last night was sure, this morning is back on the negotiating table.The client, holding a prospective hefty account with long-term promise, calls to say,‘things have changed,’ and wants a meeting as soon as possible. Not only must the senior executive rearrange his schedule for the day, but the fight or flight response, mentioned earlier, kicks in and the worries start a noisy and tumultuous parade through every corner of his brain affecting his body negatively. A voice inside starts nagging at him: ‘We had everything settled! How can they do this to us? I never liked them, anyway they sounded phoney from the start. I wish I could give them a piece of my mind. And a couple of millions is at stake in this deal.’ This and much more – anger,hurt,violent thoughts,sarcasm,vengeance,self-pity,blaming others of one’s company involved in the deal and more – are all crowding the senior executive’s thinking and he can’t stop these thoughts. And his body responds with different symptoms of stress (see Chapter 1) like heart palpitation, shortness of breath, upset stomach, sweaty palms, cold feet, nervous twitches and other such manifestations of stress, mentioned earlier.

Stress and the executive’s work How does this affect the executive’s work? It makes it difficult to concentrate on anything else; it makes him short-tempered and impatient, prone to mistakes and minor accidents like spilling coffee on important papers or on the computer board. If the senior executive does not control her stress, one stressor, in this case the bad news about this valuable and ‘sure’ account, can create havoc in many other sectors of the organisation.

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C H A P T E R 3 : P R O B L E M S S T R E S S C R E AT E I N B U S I N E S S

The opposite reaction to stress is to distract herself from the emergency, order some one else to handle it, even when the client expects the senior executive to do it, and minimise in her mind the reality of the situation. Here we find, again, the fight or flight response. Both reactions are damaging to the company because stress tends to make us focus on the problem,forgetting about its solution.As long as we are absorbed consciously by the problem, as in the first reaction (‘fight’) or unconsciously through denial,as in the second reaction (‘flight’), we cannot solve the problem.The old-fashioned advice, stop, think, act is still the basic outline to avoid the damage that stress can produce and we shall deal with later in Chapter 6. The above example is a simple illustration of the possible devastating damage stress can do to business. Estimates vary because it is very difficult to measure what deficiencies in the corporate world are directly related to stress,but it is Briefinged that there is a strong correlation between operational mistakes made in the job (including rather serious accidents) and stress. When mistakes are made,time is lost,supplies and resources are misused or wasted and tensions among co-workers escalate,spreading the negative consequences of stress well beyond those who experienced it initially.

Activity: Stress on the job Before continuing,please,fill the following form.Assign a 4 to the statements that you consider true; 3 to those that are not completely true; 2 to those which are fairly true and 1 to the ones that are not true. Add the total at the end and decide where you stand when it comes to stress on the job according to the scoring chart given at the end. (Please note that ‘boss’ here refers to a person (e.g. CEO) or body (e.g. Board of Directors) you have to account to.) ■ 1.

I find my boss difficult to deal with.

■ 2.

I cannot trust my boss – unreliable, dishonest, promises not kept.

■ 3.

My ideas/suggestions for improving the company are not taken seriously.

■ 4.

My abilities/skills are not utilised for the benefit of the company.

■ 5.

My boss makes unreasonable demands and/or has unrealistic expectations

■ 6.

Many of my people are not committed to the job.

■ 7.

Many of my people are not trustworthy – they lie, cheat, steal.

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■ 8.

Many of my people are incompetent or unfit for their positions.

■ 9.

I don’t have support to do my job well: insufficient secretarial help, poor space allocation,problems upgrading equipment and obtaining new or better,long hours, budget constraints, no rewards.

■ 10. There is increasing role ambiguity in my position: contradictory assignments and expectations. ■ 11. I cannot consult with anyone in power about my concern and responsibilities. ■ 12. It’s rare when I have any breaks at all during work hours. Score:

Up to 12: Manageable level of stress – there is no stress on the job; Up to 24: Unmanageable level – the stress on the job is minimal; Up to 36: Dangerous level – there is considerable stress on the job; Up to 48: Catastrophic level – the stress on the job is very serious.

Many trustworthy studies have focused on physical illness and stress. I keep repeating this because one often hears executives who believe this won’t happen in their company or,even worse, that they themselves are immune to this connection between stress and illness. In the business world, stress is not merely a personal thing for the executive to consider. It affects the entire company.

The entire company suffers How? In many different ways. Here are the three most common. First,there is waste of time due to lack of energy in the worker who does not feel well,physical weakness interfering with one’s job and interruptions and extra time needed to take care of one’s illness.In top executives,high blood pressure or hypertension is a fairly common condition with more than a superficial relationship with stress.In workers generally,minor illnesses from the common cold to digestive problems,from back pain to muscular tensions,are also frequent occurrences related to stress. Second, there is an increase in absenteeism and inflated health care expenses.This has dire consequences as having to employ temporary help,often not familiar with the workings of the company and thus,not producing effective results and requiring closer supervision and costly time-consuming training.Like the minuscule seed that produces a mighty tree,stress grows and extends its reach through many levels of the corporation but,unlike the seed turned into a tree, the speed at which it happens is extremely rapid. Stress not heeded becomes epidemic.

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Third comes the morale problem. It does not take much thought to realise that mistakes and physical symptoms in fellow workers contribute greatly to dissatisfaction and low morale among others.This enlarges the vicious circle, so that the workers who were not sick before starting, make more operational mistakes and report more frequent physical symptoms of disease.Stress makes business lose millions of pounds every month in waste or lack of reaching out to new possibilities.

Points to remember Never regret the time you spend taking care of stress. It’s the short-term pain for the long-term gain. The sooner you face stress, the more trouble you save your company.

Ignore it, but it’s still there Besides operational mistakes, physical symptoms and low morale, with all their devastating consequences, the worse aspect of stress is that companies often deny that it is a problem and many senior executives ignore it as if it were a minor inconvenience in the total business picture. Like an epidemic, the more we ignore it the worse the situation becomes. Remember what we said earlier, stress is a natural warning that we are going over the limit.This is true for the individual as well as for a group of individuals who become, by virtue of the group, a living organism. And,as in the individual,when the emergency alarm is ignored,catastrophe will follow. Here is a brief outline of what happens:

Problems in business created by stress Operational mistakes

Medical problems

Low morale

}

Denial of stress

Repetition of pattern

R E V E N U E

L O S S

The above explanation justifies a sense of urgency when it comes to stress. Once a company is off the ground and operating, nothing is as dangerous and destructive as stress unheeded.Where there is stress in business, the consequences mentioned above are inevitable unless stress is taken care of immediately.Sailors know that a fire is one of the most

26


dreaded situations in a sailboat. It is not exaggerated to compare stress in a company to that sort of fire. The wise skipper takes preventive measures in the boat.The successful senior executive knows that workers are less prone to stress when they: • Are satisfied • Understand clearly what they are expected to do • Are well compensated • Are listened to • Are treated with respect as human beings. These behaviours on the part of management are effective measures to prevent stress, and the wise executive does as much as possible to enact these. The senior executive has a magnificent opportunity to minimise the problems of stress in business by taking preventive measures.He,like the boat skipper,knows that the best medicine is prevention.And in business,many stressful situations are avoided when the senior executive makes sure that the corporate atmosphere comprises the five conditions listed above, as the next two chapters shall discuss.

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Main causes of stress Surge of violence Face it and act on it Prevention The executive’s responsibility Think peace, speak peace Inner peace How the successful executive acts Points to remember

4

chapter 4

Chapter 4: Main causes of stress Every page so far has mentioned causes of stress,from the normal,unavoidable stress associated with the ordinary changes of human development since the moment of birth, to the stress produced by natural events that are part of human life; from the death of dear ones to catastrophic happenings, like accidents and fires. However, one of the most common and devastating causes of stress is frustration.This is the feeling of not getting one’s due, rightly or wrongly, when one believes that there is nothing one can do to correct the situation. Because of this, so called,‘learned helplessness’ of frustration, stress is intimately connected with anger and violence in society at large.The person who is relaxed and content is slow to anger and not prone to violence.In the Western culture,accelerating everything exponentially, we are conditioned to expect immediate results and have lost all sense of patience.Waiting has become unacceptable. • The slightest build-up of traffic annoys us • A telephone that does not answer after the first ring becomes an insult to our busy selves • Documents are sent via e-mail that could have waited weeks • Fast food has invaded the most traditional and civilised cultures If we don’t get what we want now, immediately, we become irritated, angry and violent, in that predictable sequence.

Surge of violence Recent Briefings from America on disgruntled workers unhappy with their superiors, as well as on traffic altercations (now called road rage) tell us of ‘normal’ people using handguns on each other. Family violence, child and spouse abuse, are on the increase in the Western world, not just the Briefinging of it.The entertainment industry, abdicating its social responsibility, has kept pushing for years detailed, close-range violent scenes on audiences young and old. Violent movies sell. Even children’s cartoons make violence funny and, thus, acceptable. Many serious studies have shown that the more exposed we are to violence,the more we come to accept it as a viable means to handle frustration.We become desensitised to violence. But violence is stressful for the one who suffers it, as well as for the one who uses it.The one who watches it becomes used to it,accepts it,assimilating stress without noticing it – the neat vicious circle again!

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CHAPTER 4: MAIN CAUSES OF STRESS

Consequently, all this violence around us produces stress and, like it or not, living in an increasingly violent world, stress is escalating in all of us. It’s unavoidable.We would have to become hermits to escape this condition.

Face it and act on it The reason for stating in the Introduction that this Briefing takes a practical bent, is based on the belief that we can’t waste time with stress. Once it’s there, it has to be handled efficiently and pragmatically – like the fire in the sailboat. Speculations and analyses about it may come later but never as a first reaction to stress. In other words, one can spend much time and energy talking about stress but this, in itself, may be a form of denying its existence.The wisest (and most urgent!) thing to do with stress is to handle it, control it and, as we shall discuss later, transform it into energy.

Prevention This brings up the need for preventive measures against stress – the point with which Chapter 3 finished. Social scientists tell us about primary prevention, that condition in which things are what they are supposed to be so that people are at peace with themselves and the world around them, not inclined to overreact to ordinary inconveniences, unavoidable annoyances and normal deprivations. In other words, primary prevention is the establishment of a non-stressful environment for humans in which to live, play, work and be productive. If the senior executive is convinced of the importance of this, she can do much in the area of primary prevention. With the five conditions listed at the end of Chapter 3, she can create a benign environment for the people working under her.But she shall never succeed if she is not convinced that stress is always toxic.

The executive’s responsibility The facts speak loudly enough.Stress is damaging to our physical and mental health as humans and also to our company of which we are the human component. The highly industrialised Western culture has become a high-stress-producing culture.Violence is one of the triggers of stress and simultaneously a destructive manifestation of it. Our workplace, being a part of our culture, does not escape this contamination of stress. Because of it, many business enterprises lose much revenue. Only those who use violent entertainment gain from it.

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The people responsible for business are in a unique position to remedy this situation and even to be instrumental in creating a stress-free environment to work in – with the end-result of increased productivity and multiplied revenues. However, the only way to do this is by starting with oneself, as you are doing by reading this Briefing without practice, the preaching is like psychotic babble, it does not make any sense.

Think peace, speak peace To practice what he preaches includes details that, at first sight may seem insignificant and unimportant. The language we use is a good start. For instance, to refer to the competition as ‘sharks,’ and to dynamic marketing as ‘guerrilla marketing,’ or to describe the obtaining of an important business account as ‘making a killing’ creates images and attitudes of violence. It is curious that the West has become aware of and applied to the business world Sun Tzu’s Art of War and Musashi’s Book of Five Rings, written centuries before our era for warriors. Quotations from these two classics appear often in modern books for managers. They emphasise that war is unavoidable and that cunning is the strategy for victory. But they miss the most important point of the teaching, that inner peace is the source of all the strategies and tactics described. The senior executive must move away from war-like thinking so that the productive business effectiveness, resulting from lack of stress, will emanate from true inner peace, not merely from strategy.

Inner peace Violence and lack of stress are antagonistic and opposites. Real power, in the individual or in nations,does not reside in sheer force.This is also true of organisations.Therefore an important step for the senior executive to take, when obsolete violent language and thoughts come to mind, is to ask himself what is truly the practical, non-violent meaning of the situation.Then he focuses on that meaning, trying to change in his mind the images of violence into images of growth and vitality. Violence is avoided in the workplace,as in the world at large,by preventing stress.And,generally, to prevent stress one must be at peace with oneself.Avoiding stress like an infection which, untreated,can make us seriously ill and even kill us,is truly every civilised person’s responsibility.

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This is especially so of the people in charge,from parents and teachers,to government officials and business leaders. Senior executives,because of their position of honour and respect in their company,influence others not just by their deliberate decisions but by their opinions, preferences and values, by their language and behaviour.They have more power to prevent stress and energise the company than they know.What they say and how they say it (to one person or to a group of people at work) often spreads – it is repeated, enlarged and even distorted. Successful management takes place when the senior executive does not give any reason for those under him for interpreting anything he does or says as violent or producing stress.

How the successful executive acts For instance, if there is a worrisome rumour circulating in the company, the senior executive will do well in ignoring it and,if confronted with it,firmly and unequivocally labelling it as rumour. Another example might be a recently released negative projection about how business will be doing in the next quarter.The responsible executive, even if worried, will not show it, emphasising instead the projective aspect of the information, which is as reliable as weather forecasts. She may also light-heartedly refer to past negative financial projections that were not fulfilled. Finally, the leaked announcement about a change in positions in the production department may have caused general alarm because the candidate mentioned is known for his hard work, inflexibility and urgent demands on those working under him. In an effort to prevent stress, the senior executive reminds everybody that no one who does his job responsibly has anything to worry about. At the same time, she might contact the person who makes appointment decisions in order to explain the need for the candidate in question to refine his management style and to listen to the input of those who will work under him. These are simple, every day, examples which become opportunities for the top executive to prevent stress in the company.The general principle is that the same situation, viewed one way or another, can become more or less stressful.The consequence of this is that the senior executive, by her reaction to the situation, verbal and non-verbal, has the power to escalate or de-escalate the level of stress.

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But the fundamental truth in this strategy on the part of the executive is that she must genuinely believe what she is trying to convey.The most important contribution of the executive to the company is not to lose her head.By remaining genuinely at peace with herself,she will project a sense of: • Self-containment • Order • Predictability and • Stability, with the end of doing what is appropriate and convenient for the organisation. Only when the senior executive is anchored in this inner peace,will she be able to convey to those under her the non-stress message that her words proclaim. Because stress is the result of a negative thinking attitude, by establishing inner peace as the first priority for oneself and for the company, the senior executive will be able to proceed to the next step of transforming stress into energy. The same event that can produce stress,chaos and general pandemonium, can also become a powerful energiser for the benefit of the corporation.

Points to remember Never take angry words or actions lightly – they always increase stress. Violence creates more problems than it solves, it is a waste of effort in the long run. Prevention of stress can only start from a realistic experience of inner peace. Energy is incompatible with violent thoughts, words and behaviour.

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How to audit stress in the organisation Gauging the stress levels The employee’s response Case study: Personality changes

5

chapter 5

Chapter 5: How to audit stress in the organisation The senior executive, as we know: • Can produce unnecessary stress in the organisation • Can blind himself to the stress around him or • Can gently observe what is going on.

Gauging the stress levels In order to intervene effectively he cannot ignore the behaviour of the people working in the organisation.Then the senior executive can act effectively to improve what otherwise can result in serious damage for the company. There are basically two areas of consideration for the senior executive who wants to have a positive role in unstressing the organisation: • First, any changes in the people who work in the organisation may be indications of stress • Second, the person showing those changes needs special attention and time from the manager. The possible changes cannot be listed because any difference in behaviour is to be considered. The following is a short list: • The person used to speak often at meetings and now is noticeably more quiet • The person was ready to volunteer for emergency tasks and now does not • The person was always on time and now is late, or the opposite • The person used to dress rather casually and now shows up for work very formally attired, or the opposite • The person is speaking generally in a much louder tone of voice than before, or the opposite • The person was known for being careful about detail at work; now he is becoming unusually neglectful, or the opposite. Regarding the attention that the particular individual needs, the good manager must show interest by being factual, concrete (without making generalisations involving other areas of his work or personal life) and tactful. She should never be judgmental.The following seven

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C H A P T E R 5 : H O W T O A U D I T S T R E S S I N T H E O R G A N I S AT I O N

examples show what she may say (and what she must strongly try to avoid).You may think of many other situations familiar to you at work: • ‘I noticed that you have been late several times in the last two weeks. Is there anything I can help you with?’ (Not,‘You’re always late.What’s your problem?’) • ‘Your Briefings are always excellent.Not this one.As if you had other things in your mind. Is there something I should know to make things easier on you?’ (Not,‘That was a very poor Briefing, you know? You’re not as good as you used to be.’) • ‘I can’t help but notice your change in the way you act during our regular meetings. May I assume something is bothering you? Is there anything I might do for you at this time?’ (Not,‘Your behaviour at meetings is very annoying lately. Do something about it!’) • ‘You seem to be distracted or preoccupied lately. Can I help you in any way?’ (Not,‘If you’re so bored at our meetings, don’t be so obvious.’) • ‘You have been coming across as very impatient with every turn of events. Can I be of any help?’ (Not,‘You are a pain in everybody’s back. I’m sick of your moods.’) • ‘I’m looking for clarification,really.Your expense account this month looks very different from that of the previous three months. Can you tell me what has changed?’ (Not,‘Are you stealing money from us lately?’) • ‘Your department’s production figures have been quite low in the last two months. Do you mind spending some time discussing this?’ (Not,‘What sort of department manager are you? Your figures are an embarrassment to the organisation.’) Two points should be kept in mind.First,the manager must be truthful and sincere.If she does not feel interested in helping the person in question or has no time to do so,she may delegate and ask another manager to approach the employee that seems stressed. Some organisations have Employee Assistance Programs (EAP) and the senior manager might refer the individual to the person in charge of EAP. Second, there must always be follow up.A simple but earnest ‘How are things going?’ a few days later,making an effort to face the person when others are not around,can work wonders.

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In the positive samples given above, you notice that an effort is made to avoid defensiveness and resistance on the part of the employee.The negative samples will,inevitably,trigger those reactions and, in consequence, will increase the stress of the transaction between manager and subordinate.

The employee’s response The problem lies in the reaction the employee may have to the manager’s initial inquiry. If the employee responds by admitting some problem,the manager may spend some time listening and advising him or may refer him to a professional counsellor.The latter is usually the safest course of action. If, however, the employee denies any problem – the most frequent case – the manager will watch him closely, but unobtrusively, for the next few days and approach him again if the situation continues. The second confrontation must avoid any reference to the first one,as if it had not taken place. The manager must prepare herself for it by summoning her interest in the wellbeing of the employee for the benefit of the organisation. If she is not genuinely concerned about the employee or if she is annoyed at his denying a problem that is obviously there, she should not be the person to confront him, as mentioned above.

Case study: Personality changes Tim, in his mid 40s, was a senior salesman in an engineering company that had just gone public after hitting the £3 million profit mark. In the last three years since the retirement of the senior CEO and founder, Tim had consistently beaten all sales records in the organisation. Customers requested to deal with him, lauded him in letters of satisfaction, invited him to be the main speaker at business gatherings and never had a complaint about him. In-house and with his fellow workers Tim was generally well liked. He was always courteous, helpful and friendly, though reserved about anything personal. People knew he was married and had two daughters but he never talked about them. In the last couple of months it seemed as if a personality change had taken place without a known reason. Suddenly he was unfriendly, sarcastic, bragging of his superior accomplishments, putting people down with nasty confrontations and saying negative things about those who were not present. At meetings he was rather quiet but reacted to statements, comments and new ideas with obvious body language, especially facial expressions of

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disapproval or contempt. When asked to state his feelings in words, he would respond in one of two ways. Either he would say that he did not agree with the group, but that the vote of the majority had to rule; or he would state that what he had been thinking was not important. When invited to elaborate on either of these statements, he would force a cynical smile and repeat what he had just said, not inviting any further questions or comments. Tim was creating a stressful atmosphere around him, a good basis to theorise that he himself was under stress.

Mr. Black to the rescue With this in mind, on a Friday after lunch, Mr. Black, the Chief of Sales and his immediate supervisor, invited Tim into his office in a rather casual way. He stated that he wanted to see him for a moment in order to ask him a question. Tim followed his superior and sat down, as requested to do. Mr. Black, who at 62 had been with the organisation for over 20 years and had a brilliant career in sales, spoke in a direct, factual, friendly and non-judgmental way: ‘I’ve noticed that lately you seem to be irritable, annoyed and not your good old self any more. Is there anything bothering you?’

Tim’s explosion Tim stood up and approached the older man with evident anger stating that his sales quotas had not suffered at all, that sales was the only domain of the chief of sales and that all the other issues were irrelevant. He added that if others complained about him, it was out of jealousy and that it was time for them to grow up and do their job well instead of wasting time criticising old Tim. With that, he looked his superior in the eye and asked, ‘Any question about my performance?’ This behaviour took Mr. Black by surprise. He realised that this was not the time to pursue the issue any further. Before he could respond, Tim turned around and left the office without closing the door. The point of this anecdote is to emphasise the role of the senior executive. The job is delicate requiring patience, tact, and exquisite choice of circumstances, words and tone. Pervading everything Mr. Black did in this case, was a sincere respect for Tim as a person.

Tim’s personal secret The end of this story came the next Monday morning. Tim asked to see Mr. Black, who changed his plans in order to see him immediately. Tim apologised admitting he had been wrong. The story he unfolded comprised several tragic elements. His youngest daughter, only 15, had had a serious accident riding a horse. She had been comatose for several weeks and then, after the coma, she was found to have severe brain damage making her physically and mentally severely disabled. His wife, unable to face the horrible situation, had attempted

38


suicide and was now hospitalised in an expensive private mental institution while the daughter was still in a special hospital. He confessed that besides all his worries, he himself felt his world collapsing and needed all his strength to face each new day. Mr. Black, from the vantage point of his long experience, shared his wisdom giving Tim support and validation. He advised him to seek professional help and reassured him that everything they discussed would remain secret and confidential. Finally, he offered his assistance for the future and suggested that Tim take a few days off to devote more time to his personal affairs.

Summary Stress not handled produces new stress. This refers to both Tim who had not taken good care of his personal stress and to the engineering company that had become the target of Tim’s frustration. On the other hand, stress taken seriously and handled properly, as Mr. Black did, does not have to be destructive and can start a new chapter of growth for the individuals involved. Because Mr. Black audited stress around him, he was able to be of help to Tim. Mr. Black’s approach was respectful, friendly and patient, without appealing to authority. He was genuine and congruent – his behaviour towards Tim reflected truly his feelings. Thanks to his attitude, the Chief of Sales was helpful to Tim and to the rest of the group who were starting to be damaged by the stress produced by Tim’s behaviour.

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Practical ways of coping with stress

Part II

II

Dealing with stress How to deal with stress ‘Stress’ hides the answer to stress Stop, think, relax The emergency formula in action Three quick unstressing methods

6

chapter 6

Chapter 6: Dealing with stress How to deal with stress Before dealing with effective techniques to control stress,the senior executive needs to know: • What stress is and the damage it causes and • How to identify it in one’s life. Part I of this Briefing dealt with the nature of stress.To focus on how to identify stress, please, go back to the Stress on the job form (page 23), you filled in the first part of this Briefing. I am assuming that your score on that form reached 25 or higher,indicating at least the beginnings of considerable stress on the job.You have identified ‘things’ at work that produce stress in you.These are conditions in the work environment, either interpersonal (with your bosses or your underlings),physical (equipment or office space) or political (company or union policies restricting your authority and power).

‘Stress’ hides the answer to stress The first step to identify stress in one’s life is to become aware of when it hits you.Some people, especially those in charge of complex commercial organisations, do not realise that they are under stress. One theory is that the baseline of stress for top executives is higher than that of ordinary people in society, so that when they increase stress they don’t realise how high it is getting.Therefore, the senior executive, more so than other people in society, must learn that the very word stress hides two formulas to get rid of stress. The first three letters ‘str’ – apply to immediate, unexpected situations.They stand for stop, and think,relax;whereas the last three – ess – refer to the process of becoming stronger against stress and eventually almost immune to stress.They translate into established self-security. That is, in order to audit stress in ourselves, we must stop, think and relax. Later, in Chapters 8 and 9,we shall concentrate on establishing self-security,which will make the senior executive strong against stress and stressful events.

42

CHAPTER 6: DEALING WITH STRESS

Stop, think, relax To stop means to allow ourselves to interrupt whatever we are doing in order to take a look at what’s going on in one’s life at that moment. If stress can become so destructive in the life of the senior executive, she might as well acquire the mentality of the diabetic who stops to audit his blood sugar no matter what. Because stress manifests itself through any of the symptoms listed earlier, or a combination of them, the executive may check her stress, monitoring both her physical and mental self at the very least once a day. Later, in Chapter 9, more details about the unstressing programme for the senior manager will be discussed. If she detects any of the stress symptoms, she needs to take the next two steps of the STR formula, think and relax.This means that she must: • Understand the reason for this symptom and • Apply without delay an unstressing method. To think is to understand what is producing stress at this moment.The understanding may need some time and concentration. It may, therefore, be left for another time, perhaps during the weekend, if necessary. However, in many cases, merely to think about one’s stress is enough to diminish it or completely vanish it.By thinking about it,the executive may realise that she can’t do anything about a particular situation and has no other choice but to wait.For example,she may be worried about a new advertising campaign she is in favour of and the Board of Directors is about to vote on by the end of the week.The ‘think’step helps her to accept that she cannot do anything about it and that she just has to wait a few more days. Finally, to take action against stress, that is to relax, cannot wait. It must be done right then and there if possible,or as soon as feasible.By the way,relaxation does not mean to do nothing. It is rather the ability to do much with inner peace and not to let any event or person rob us of this peace. The stop,think,relax is an emergency formula,to be used when stress strikes without warning and when the senior executive has not prepared herself for the stressful situation.

The emergency formula in action The following three techniques are like emergency brakes in an automobile,to be used when stress strikes.They help to stop stress but do not necessarily prepare us to deal with it in the future. However, they are essential to protect us from the tendency of stress to increase and to damage one’s thinking, feelings and behaviour.

43


These techniques take about five minutes each and after some practice can be done very quickly. The smart executive will try them all in order to find out which she likes best or how she may combine them.

Three quick unstressing methods 1. Relaxed breathing Avoid interruptions for ten minutes.Be alone.Look away from the computer and recoil from other distractions.Sit down as comfortably as you can while trying to feel relaxed. Close your eyes.Imagine a perfect light blue sky on a beautiful spring day.Take a deep, slow,breath through your nostrils.Hold it for a few seconds before you slowly exhale through your mouth. Relax briefly and repeat the same once more.This time imagine the light blue air filling your whole being while you breathe in slowly. Exhale after holding the light blue air for a few seconds. Relax again and repeat the same way of breathing once more, very slowly.This time imagine the light blue colour not just filling your whole being but also radiating from you like an aura. While you breathe in this fashion,introduce the thought that breathing is life.Perhaps, when inhaling, you may say to yourself,‘I’m breathing in life’ (allowing whatever thought of life into your mind), Then, when you exhale, say ‘I’m breathing out everything I don’t need in my life.’ As you become familiar with this unstressing method, you may add other details to the concept of life (abundance, healing and activation of the immune system or connection with the universal energy of the cosmos). 2. Paradoxical method This exercise,to be effective,shall be repeated several times for each session or sitting. Sitting (at least in the beginning) in a safe place, where you can be a few minutes without interruptions, tightly stiffen your body and clench your fists until it starts to hurt. Then ease up, relax and allow your whole body, especially your hands, to feel comfortable.Breathe normally for a few seconds,without rush and thinking of being alive, healthy, happy.

44


Repeat the same tension-relaxation sequence, this time focusing on your back. Let go of the tension and relax again. The third time, notice the tension in your abdomen; the fourth time, pay attention to your legs and the last time to your head. The sequence of areas to concentrate on may vary according to your preference, or your need, if you have a slight pain or discomfort anywhere. When you finish the entire exercise,enjoy the relaxation of gentle breathing for about ten seconds before returning to your ordinary routine. 3. Cartoon-like thinking As if you were watching a cartoon, when stress comes your way, imagine yourself in a bubble, being very comfortable, with ideal light and temperature, that protects you and keeps you safe. From it, you watch the stress trying to hit you, but bouncing off the bubble. In the comfort of the bubble,you take a couple of deep breaths to rejuvenate yourself, to energise yourself. You say to yourself,‘I am calm and at peace with myself. I feel good about myself. I’m NOT going to let this (person, situation, event, mistake, etc.) rob me of my inner peace.’ Then you become aware of the colour that is predominant in that mental scene.Allow that colour to fill you as you breathe gently and peacefully inside your bubble. Let the colour become like an aura all around you. Repeat your statement,‘Nothing will rob me of my inner peace.’ Consider if there is anything reasonable you can do to handle this (situation, person, etc.) right now. If there is, resolve to do it. If not, determine when you can take care of this or – if there is nothing to do – return to your imaginary bubble.

These three practices will prove very effective not to be overtaken by stress.This means that by using one of these exercises, you will avoid many of the stress symptoms listed earlier (or at least the severity of them) and will be able to continue your work with the minimum of disturbance. Usually stress comes uninvited but once it’s there it must be dealt with. Like an unexpected minor fire, it always must become the first priority of the moment.The senior executive, no matter how busy,must be able to practice one of these three easy,natural,exercises.However, she must be willing to stop, think and relax as explained above.

45


Many people in our Western world do not want to stop, think and relax.They have too much to do, they say.They have no time to waste.They would rather take a pill that will relax them. Or, in too many cases, they resort to the use of alcohol or illegal drugs.They don’t want to take responsibility for their thinking that is at the core of stress, as you already know. But the truth is that relaxing in this way is never a waste of time.The STR method is the complete opposite of stress.And, as we know that stress is never beneficial for us – physically, mentally or spiritually – to stop, think and relax is always beneficial to us. It brings us closer to health and life that stress does.

46

To deal with stress, build a non-stressful existence Healthy optimism Power thoughts Case study: Using the STR technique Humour Lack of humour A quick test Supportive personal relations Points to remember The perfect circle Stress immunisation Lasting results Components of ESS Secure in oneself Emotionally self-contained Case study: Self-destructive behaviour Rooted in one’s inner peace A non-stressful existence

7

chapter 7

Chapter 7: To deal with stress, build a non-stressful existence Because our Occidental culture is extraverted and active,we prefer instant cures.When it comes to stress we wait until it happens and then we react, usually unproductively.Yes, we do need a means of coping with stress emergencies. But that is not the end of the story. We need to protect ourselves from stress by getting ready for it before it happens.The Roman Empire saying,‘If you want peace, get ready for war’ applies to stress as well. Therefore, the very first condition for dealing with stress is a non-technique; the attitude of commitment and self-involvement in the resolution of stress.Inner peace,the opposite of stress, comes from a healthy optimism with its three components, power thoughts, humour and supportive personal relationships, as this chapter shall explain.

Healthy optimism The best immunisation against stress is inner peace.How to achieve it and maintain it becomes a challenge for the senior executive.This is why this Briefing proposes in Chapter 9 a four week unstressing programme.We have known for a while that stress interferes with the normal functioning of the brain,the immune system and many other organs,making us more vulnerable to physical and mental disease. Now we also know that a healthy mind is the most important defence against disease and that optimism is a characteristic of a healthy mind,giving the person a sense of habitual inner peace. Serious researchers like Seligman have proven the health benefits of a realistically optimistic attitude.For the purposes of finding practical applications for handling stress,the many elements of the optimistic attitude my be reduced to three: • Power thoughts • Humour and • Supportive personal relations. These three combined contribute to the healthy optimism enjoyed by those with inner peace. The three together are the most effective natural antidote against stress.

48

CHAPTER 7: TO DEAL WITH STRESS, BUILD A NON-STRESSFUL EXISTENCE

Power thoughts The realistic thoughts that help us attain our reasonable goals are power thoughts.The negative and defeating thought,‘It can’t be done,’ changes into a power thought with,‘We have to find out how to do it.’The put-down thought,‘She’s lazy,’ becomes a power thought when it is changed into,‘She needs more support,’ or ‘She needs more time to get it right.’ Before they interfere with her work,the smart executive checks her own thoughts.If she catches herself thinking pessimistically about the organisation she is responsible for,her subordinates, her colleagues and, yes, even herself, she knows she shall be able to control the stress they generate.The reason is that when she finds any defeating thoughts , she gets into the habit of transforming them into power thoughts. Eventually, instead of ‘Opportunity is nowhere,’ she finds that ‘Opportunity is now here.’ This usually requires some work because it does not come naturally,after having acquired the habit of mental negativism.To do this she has to: 1. Recognise that the initial negative thought may express a part of the truth but that the total picture is much larger than what the pessimistic thought expresses 2. Make the effort of finding what else is true about this? And concentrate on the less negative and pessimistic aspects of it 3. Finally, decide to centre her attention purposely on the better aspects, refusing to focus on the negative ones.

Case study: Using the STR technique In a large organisation that manufactures electrical parts for the construction industry, Mrs. White, the Chief Executive Officer’s elderly secretary, occasionally does not submit her work according to deadlines, giving what sound like flimsy excuses. The top executive is becoming increasingly annoyed and finds himself mentally saying (a) that Mrs. White should go, (b) that she’s getting too old, (c) that she’s becoming a burden to the company, etc. The senior executive, however, is a wise manager who tries to be fair and professional. He recognises that what he’s thinking is partially true of his secretary and that his annoyance may interfere with a clear perception of the whole situation. For instance, Mrs. White’s delay has not created any real problems and she’s not a burden to the company. On the contrary, she is absolutely trustworthy, she knows the company in and out, she is the living archive of everything that happened in the last 23 years and she cares for the organisation more than anybody else in the entire group. Following this analysis, the executive decides to pay more attention to the positive aspects of Mrs. White’s work than to her occasional delays.

49


This case is a good example of the STR technique in the creation of power thoughts. The transformation of negative into power thoughts is called reframing to indicate that the same situation is placed, like a painting, in a different frame, thus, taking on a new look.

Humour As long as humour is not used to hurt others and is not at the expense of others, it is one of the surest signs of mental health.It is a creative form of thinking and,incidentally,not necessarily the same as telling jokes. Rather, it is a tendency not to take oneself too seriously and to place things in a different perspective,usually a larger one than originally.Self-esteem and self respect do not have to be sullen or solemn. Like the artist who dares to transform a yellow spot into the sun, or a bunch of words into a poem, or disconnected sounds into a symphony, or random movements into a dance, the executive with a sense of humour makes things around her pleasant,even beautiful.She creates relaxation, good will and ease around her. People feel appreciated, liked and respected.The practical consequence of this for the organisation is that associates and subordinates work better, produce more,spend and waste less and are happy and proud to be part of her working team. The artist transforms the ordinary into something beautiful.Art in any form is one of the best manifestations of the human spirit, not shown by other species in the planet. Similarly, the wise senior executive: Allows the artist in her to find the good in the bad, the funny in the sad, the pleasant in discomfort.

Lack of humour On the other hand, the executive without a sense of humour creates tension, discomfort and even pain, around her.The products of this environment are lack of productivity, waste of supplies and time, of energy and opportunity, as well as low morale, mistrust, unhappiness, backbiting, rumours and negativism. The result of good humour is general relaxation – lack of stress – and it helps people exposed to it think sharper, feel better and act more energetically. Humour is contagious and dynamic – if triggers humour in others.Because of this,the senior executive without a sense of humour is no good for the company, no matter what other qualities and talents he might have.

50


Before continuing to read,stop for a moment to reflect.The simple test I am proposing to you serves to start training your mind to be more ‘humour oriented’ in everyday happenings.

A quick test • Right now think of something in your work that you see as very bad, pathetic • But this time do something different. Look at it as if you were a cartoonist who is going to create a comic strip out of it • Give yourself a little time to come up with something funny about your miserable situation. Unless we make the effort to squeeze anything humorous from a bad turn of events, we allow ourselves to be under the power of these events. Consequently, it is worth to make the effort. Next time you feel overwhelmed by something, reframe it, look at it from a different perspective and find the humorous side of it.You may find it easier to do if you put yourself in the shoes of a cartoonist who must submit something before the end of the day, as you did in the quick test.

Supportive personal relations Like food,some relationships are nutritious and some are toxic.Relationships that are supportive, nurturing and satisfying contribute greatly to a person’s inner peace and are also crucial antistressors. A good relationship includes mostly power thoughts and humour in an atmosphere of mutual respect, support and validation. Not to have this type of relationship is to be emotionally deprived.And all deprivations of human needs create stress, anger and friction. Supportive personal relations are most important for an executive because the lack of it will inevitably show in his work. The ‘relationship-satisfied’ executive will be respectful of his subordinates, clear-minded, fair, helpful and energetic with them.

51


The executive who lacks supportive personal relations is a time bomb, angry and frustrated, in danger of doing much damage to his company. Dr Gerald Kushel (Reaching the Peak Performance Zone) found out that only 4 per cent of top executives were fully effective because they were satisfied and happy in their personal relationships.

Points to remember YES is a power thought – you expect success! Power thoughts bring out the best in you. You are an artist; you can transform the ordinary into something beautiful. Relationships, like delicate plants, need our caring to benefit and enrich us.

The perfect circle These three qualities combined generate calmness,peace and relaxation.They usually produce the optimistic personality.Power thoughts,humour and supportive personal relations are true antidotes to stress. The wise executive cultivates them, especially when she has no stress, so that when external stress comes into her life, she is better prepared to deal with it. Also, when inner stress starts, she will be able to stop quickly and effectively her negative thinking, thus avoiding negative reactions. Moreover, inner stress becomes much less of a problem for the person who has worked on power thoughts, humour and satisfying personal relations. On the other side of the coin we discover that stressed executives are negativistic, defeatists and unfair in their dealings with employees.They are bitter,sarcastic,cynical with a biting sense of humour at the expense of others; cowardly, really, because the ‘others’ cannot respond in kind within the structure of the organisation. A vicious circle is at play in the case of the ineffective executive, much like a virtuous circle is at work with the productive manager. In both cases the organisation reaps the fruits of it – good or bad.

Stress immunisation There is no complete immunisation against stress but, in general, the more agitated people are,the more vulnerable they are to stress because agitation lowers the threshold of tolerance

52


for stress.To be agitated is to be discontent, basically dissatisfied, with one’s life and oneself. In Chapter 4, inner peace was mentioned as a necessary prerequisite to avoid stress. Later in Chapter 5, the case of Tim exemplified someone who was not a peace with oneself. The tragedies that took place in Tim’s life were real but the history of his relationship with his daughter had made him even more vulnerable to stress.Tim had been so busy building his career while his daughter was growing up that he had spent very little time with her as a child. During her pre-adolescence they had very bitter fights and Tim felt he had lost any ability he ever had to communicate with her.When the riding accident happened,Tim was still blaming himself for his ‘failure’as a father.Now that she was comatose,he found it difficult to shake the thought that he would never be able to get emotionally close to his daughter. Lastly,his wife’s distress added to his old burden about having put his career before his marriage, as his wife had accused him of doing many times.All these unresolved issues in his life,robbed him of his inner peace.When tragedy hit with the overwhelming stress accompanying it,Tim felt crushed and broken.

Lasting results The STR (stop, think, relax) formula for coping with immediate stress is not enough to create immunity to stress. For this, the executive must foster power thoughts, a sense of humour and supportive relationships, not merely at work but in general. As the STR formula is for emergencies and unexpected situations of stress,the ESS (established self-security) formula is to build immunity to stress.It describes an ideal.Supposedly,established self-security or ESS happens when one gets to the point of: Being so secure in himself, so emotionally self-contained, so rooted in one’s inner peace, that nothing, not even death, and nobody, not even one’s most trusted friend, has the power to move him unless he accepts to be moved.

53


Components of ESS Established Self-security / Rooted in one’s inner peace /

| |

\ \ Secure in oneself

Emotionally self-contained The three elements embodied in the concept of established self-security need to be understood well if ESS is going to be our goal and ideal.

Secure in oneself The main concept to grasp thoroughly in the ESS formula is that of being secure in oneself. It stands for total acceptance of our humanity with our capabilities and dreams, as well as our limitations and imperfections.The acceptance is joyful,proud and contented,without regrets. Accepting ourselves includes accepting our intelligence and mental abilities, with the responsibility of making decisions and choices following ethical principles, and complying by the consequences of those decisions. It also comprises the acceptance of ours individuality and social nature of interdependency with many others. Finally,it includes admitting our spiritual,creative,imaginative self,together with our physical self and all its weaknesses, frailties, vulnerabilities and shortcomings, including death and its mysterious meaning as part of the life cycle.

Emotionally self-contained This is a corollary of being secure in oneself.We,as humans,are emotionally self-contained when we recognise as valid our emotions and our need to exchange emotions with other humans and to express emotions as part of being alive. Emotionality, therefore, is a source of pride, self-expression and creativity, as in the artist.

54


Here is an example of the problems that come from not being emotionally self-contained.

Case study: Self-destructive behaviour Mr. Brookville, though not popular, was a successful senior executive because his figures were always in the black. The restaurant chain he directed had been growing since he took over as CEO, increasing revenues at the rate of 58 per cent in five years. In his dealings with his people, he was ruthless, cruel and sadistic. There was a constant turnover of personnel. Most women administrators had left the company. The complaint was always the same: Mr. Brookville did not allow anybody to express any disagreement or dissatisfaction with company policies or decisions made by him. If anyone did, he would explode and often destroy the complainer emotionally. The only feelings he accepted were compliments and praise that might enhance his public image. When the company was bought by a bigger enterprise Mr. Brookville was given a golden parachute for his retirement. When this became public, 17 of his former employees, 12 of them women, brought legal action against him on grounds of promises not kept, unfair treatment, threats and personal humiliation in public. The trial dragged for over four years and Mr. Brookville was found guilty on several counts and ordered to pay damages and compensation, the total amounting to close to two million dollars. This is an example of a senior executive who, himself uncomfortable with emotions, feels insecure and threatened when his subordinates express their feelings to him. Rather than develop the ability to deal with feelings, he pushes on in his habitual manner, insensitive to his own behaviour and not learning from it for the future. The story tells us how self-destructive this behaviour turned out to be.

Rooted in one’s inner peace This quality (the consequence of self-security) refers to the contentment experienced by those who are satisfied with what they are, what they have and what they cannot reach. Peace is order, harmony, balance, predictability and fulfilment. Peace is like the image of heaven, the reached goal and destination to be enjoyed for ever. It is easy to understand that an individual at this stage of personal growth and development has become immune to anything that may happen to her;to any disappointment coming either from circumstances or from people.It does not mean that she does not care about what happens

55


to her but that nothing has the power to devastate her,to destroy her,as Tim felt the tragedies in his life had ‘broken’ him.

A non-stressful existence The ESS formula is the lasting answer to the problem of stress.The physical self has its own immune system that keeps us alive and healthy. But the mental self does not. It is our responsibility to develop this immunity. The building of this psychological immunity cannot be done quickly. Healthy optimism, the result of power thoughts, humour and supportive relationships, keeps us at peace with ourselves.This inner peace is one of the components of established self-security.All the elements in this picture support themselves.Thus power thoughts and humour support the sense of self-security and emotional containment.All these increase the sense of inner peace. This chapter has explained what this means and the need to work on it to obtain and enjoy established self-security against stress.The teachings of Eastern philosophies,especially Taoism, are very helpful to keep ourselves within the mentality of inner peace and lack of stress.

56

Re-engineering yourself To approximate the ideal Activity: Priorities in my life Time and stress ‘Time stays, we go’ So much to do, so little time Forced honesty with oneself Case study: Mr Jeffrey’s Stress and Time Worksheet Optimise the use of time Activity: Stress and Time Worksheet Time for reflection Summary

8

chapter 8

Chapter 8: Re-engineering yourself By now it is clear that established self-security with its component parts of being secure in oneself, being emotionally self-contained and being rooted in one’s inner peace, becomes an ideal to aim at.As mentioned earlier, the mere process of striving for this ideal is forcing us to transform stress into energy.This process can truly be called one of re-engineering oneself because one wants to change definite habits that are not helpful anymore (if they ever were helpful at all) and that produce stress. In order to establish new habits we need: • To be convinced that we want to change and • To start a program of change with enthusiasm. The following exercises shall help the senior executive to come closer to this ideal.The closer one reaches this ideal of established self-security, the less stress one has in life or, to put it differently, the more immune one becomes to stress or, again, the more stress he can take, as compared to what happened in his past.

To approximate the ideal What hinders a person from being at the point of established self-security? One of the main obstacles is poor time management. And the management of time has much to do with priorities, values; the things that are important to an individual. Because of this, we propose that you consider first your priorities, and the following list may prove to be helpful. Later we shall concentrate on time.The two are intimately connected because we always find time for the things we want to do – what we value.

Activity: Priorities in my life Check in rank order the items listed below from 1 (top priority) to 12 (lowest priority) according to what you believe is their importance in your life. ■ 1.

My main hobby

■ 2.

My family

■ 3.

My health

■ 4.

My secondary hobbies

■ 5.

My spouse or significant other

■ 6.

My job and my influence in the organisation

58

CHAPTER 8: RE-ENGINEERING YOURSELF

■ 7.

My professional future

■ 8.

My financial security

■ 9.

My personal growth

■ 10. My current professional reputation ■ 11. My reputation after I’m gone ■ 12. My leisure time and holidays ■ 13. Other. You gave a 1 to the item you consider your top priority and continued to rank the others in descending order.You may have also omitted one or two, so that your list comprises merely 11 or 12 items. Usually, people first rank this list from a predominately intellectual perspective; according to what they know they should consider important in their life.Therefore,ask yourself now if your ranking reflects what you truly believe or what others expect you to consider important.These others may be your family, your organisation, your friends, your religion or society at large. Because this exercise can take a very long time, we shall consider in some detail only your three top priorities.Ask yourself: • Do I find any conflict amongst the three top priorities? • Might any one of them interfere with the other two? • Do I really like feeling that these three areas are the most important in my life? Depending on your answers to these questions, go back to the list, change what you want or even qualify your responses.Work on it until you are happy with what you have. Then write below a simple statement clarifying your reason(s) for considering a particular item so important. 1. _______________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________ 2. _______________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________ 3. _______________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________

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Finally,put aside the ranking list and your three statements and continue reading.Once a person has decided what her life priorities are, it is a matter of curiosity to find out how much time these priorities are allotted.Time is one of our most precious commodities and always essential in our human existence.‘Time goes, you say? / Ah, no, alas, / Time stays, we go,’ Henry Dobson reminds us.

Time and stress It is frequently said that executives must become experts in time management.However,strictly speaking time is unmanageable.The individual must learn to manage himself in relation to time. What sounds like a philosophical distinction is vital from the point of view of stress. In trying to manage time one becomes frustrated and tense, increasing one’s stress. On the other hand, managing oneself is like learning to speak a foreign language – difficult, time-consuming but possible.The time you spend learning this is time gained.I am using the word time in different senses purposely because it has many meanings.The time we are talking about in this section is our very existence, which happens in time.

‘Time stays, we go’ Most of those who complain about wasting time blame external things, like meetings, the telephone, travel, unexpected visitors and unavoidable interruptions, paperwork, delays from others, etc.What has to do with self-management is seldom mentioned.This is comprised of poor working habits such as: • Insufficient or improper delegating • Fuzzy priorities • Lack of concrete (daily, weekly, monthly, etc.) goals • Procrastination • Open door policy without limits • Vague personal daily schedule • No regularly allotted time for breaks, etc. The basis of any time management is self-management. Many think that the more they work,the more they produce or that the most active executives are the most effective. These are myths used as excuses for poor working habits.The amount of hours at work is not in direct proportion to the amount of work produced.The top executive who has exaggerated

60


long hours wants to do so, probably unconsciously, to avoid other disliked activities or obligations. In studying how one uses time, two factors must be considered. First, the amount of time available and second the period(s) at which one is most effective. If I am a morning person and my schedule changes so that I am expected to work late at night, I may have the same amount of time than before but I shall not be as productive as before.

So much to do, so little time With this in mind, you are invited to consider how many hours you have in a week and how many of those are your productive hours.Of course we’ll return to the concept of productivity later.We all know that a week has actually 168 clock hours. But most people spend from 35 to 56 hours a week sleeping.This leaves us loosely with merely about 120 hours. In these 120 hours we have to fit everything we do other than sleep, which includes work, family, social obligations,personal care,meals,chores like driving,shopping,errands,besides entertainment and breaks, just to present a very general list.To get the most out of this study of stress and time, you are invited to write on a sheet of paper the things you do in a week and estimate how much time each takes.This is the Stress and Time Worksheet on page 64.

Forced honesty with oneself But before you do it, look at this sample sheet belonging to Mr. Jeffreys, an executive who did this during one of my workshops in 1992.At 51, he was the regional manager of a fire fighting equipment company with a profit of over five million dollars a year in his region alone, which comprised near 3000 square miles in a metropolitan suburb. Now he is the President of the company. After making your own list with comments and reactions,as you see below,you’ll learn a great deal from the strange self-portrait you have in front of your eyes, as Mr. Jeffreys did. In fact, this exercise changed his life for the better.

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Case study: Mr. Jeffrey’s Stress and Time Worksheet (Based on 120 weekly hours) Directions: First, write all your weekly activities with the number of hours you spend on each. Second, write any comments or clarifications related to the list. Third, record a brief reaction you might have to any aspect of this exercise. Last, decide which are the best hours for you to get things done. Priorities: Work

50 hrs.

Wife

10 hrs.

60

5 hrs.

65

Internet

10 hrs.

75

Personal care and gym

12 hrs.

87

TV

10 hrs.

97

Golf

8 hrs.

105

15 hrs.

120

Children/grandchildren

Errands

(Driving, 20 hrs.)

50

My comments Wife includes all the time we are together alone at home, especially on weekends. Children/grandchildren records the weekly visit from them which ends up going some place together. Internet is my hobby. Personal care and gym comprises showers, shaving, etc. I go to the gym twice a week. TV: I watch, mostly news, every day. Time spent watching TV with my wife is not counted here but under ‘Wife’. Golf means our Saturday outing. Five friends try to get together; at least three show up every time. I’m one of the three. Errands shows the average time spent on things like the bank, the dry cleaner, stores, the barber, the dentist, taking care of the car, etc.

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My reactions I can’t believe that 1/6 of my time is spent on television and the computer. And I don’t count here the hours watching television with my wife. I realise I did not allot any time for reading. Where does it come in? I think I read a lot but it is mostly work-related. No hobbies? Haven’t gone near the garden in years. And I used to love it!

Best or most productive hours I’m always tired. This was Mr. Jeffreys worksheet. He was surprised. He realised he had to change how he spent the 120 hours of the week to optimise the use of time and reduce stress. And he was right because this is the goal.

Optimise the use of time This brings us back to the priorities you ranked from most important to least, at the start of Chapter 8. In order to make the change and optimise time, it can be helpful to consider at this point all the priorities, following the three top ones. Let’s finish with Mr.Jeffreys to have a concrete example.Priorities 6,8,7 were at the top.Closest to them were 5 and 2,then came 10.Finally,all the other items were grouped together.(There was nothing written under ‘Other.’) In terms of the hours at which he was most productive, he had to admit to himself that he was always tired, realising that this is not a normal state of affairs. Having the evidence in front of him gave Mr. Jeffreys a meaningful insight. He was neglecting his health. He had been deceiving himself with his weekly golf game, as if just playing golf meant taking care of his health. Moreover, he had to admit that his ‘twice a week’ statement regarding his gym activities in the comments on the Stress and Time Worksheet, was untrue. He seldom went to the gym more than four times a month on an average, and often he would just visit the sauna rather than exercise.Additionally, he also had to admit that he was very careless about his meals and that his weekly intake of alcohol had increased progressively. Mr.Jeffreys considered also the issue of reading.He used to be an avid reader,especially of mystery and international intrigue novels.Now he kept telling himself he had no time for light reading

63


and,in so doing,was depriving himself of something he really enjoyed.He noticed too that he had not listed primary or secondary hobbies, even though he had always enjoyed gardening. The most devastating insight was that he was not living for himself but for the organisation, even though he was quite well established within its structure and was respected by all the important people in it.This awareness was the final motivation for Mr. Jeffreys to change his priorities. This is his modified time-allocation list. Weekly hours: 120 (modified) Work

40 hrs.

(40)

Wife

10 hrs.

(50)

Children, etc.

5 hrs.

(55)

Personal care

25 hrs.

(80)

Reading

3 hrs.

(83)

Gardening

4 hrs.

(87)

Golf

8 hrs.

(95)

TV

5 hrs.

(100)

Internet

5 hrs.

(105)

Errands

15 hrs.

(120)

Time is one of our most precious commodities.The way we use it is a very important factor in the level of stress we have in our life. Once a very tense and hurried executive said to me very seriously that he did not have time to think about his use of time.He did not see anything absurd or ridiculous about his statement. Two months later, I heard he was in hospital ‘for tests,’ due to fainting spells he had suffered lately. Perhaps he learned something about time management and stress. Now it is your turn ‘to waste time’ thinking about your use of time. By filling the Stress and Time Worksheet you will do more to reduce stress in your life than by using any other unstressing measure.

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Activity: Stress and Time Worksheet (Based on 120 weekly hours) Directions: First, write all the weekly activities with the number of hours you spend on each. Second, write any comments or clarifications related to the list.Third, record a brief reaction you might have to any aspect of this exercise. Last, decide which are the best hours for you to get things done.

My comments

My reactions

Most productive time of the day

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Time optimisation comes from you This is the only solution – change or die.When Mr.Jeffreys realised and admitted how neglectful he had been about his own existence, he decided to change. At work, he delegated more and organised the process of his district managers Briefinging to him;he cut down on his travelling and established a schedule of hours when he was at his office. He became almost religious about his routine workout and regular meals and cut down his alcohol consumption. He diminished his television watching time and set aside three hours a week for reading. Finally, he modified his attitude about small and big breaks, as he labelled them, and decided to go away with his wife at least one weekend in six and to take two big vacations (a minimum of two weeks long each). Mr. Jeffreys accomplished all this within three weeks after he took the workshop. You may have to do the same.Be utterly honest with yourself.Tackle with determination what has to be improved and do not procrastinate. Take action immediately as if this were an important and urgent business decision. See yourself first and foremost as the CEO of your life, and your life as the most crucial area in need of your management skills.

Time for reflection Meetings:We keep the minutes and waste the hours. Use time to gain time and the time you gain will give you time to use more time. When the task is confusing, break it down into parts. When you start to feel tense or tired, get up, stretch, walk. Focus on what you want to do, not on what distracts you.

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Therefore, plan now to set aside half an hour for this exercise by using the Stress and Time Worksheet.This in itself is a good example of time optimisation.You spend half an hour now and you may save, literally, 20 hours or more in each of the foreseeable future weeks. As with money, how much you have depends on how you spend (invest) it. After writing the worksheet, reflect on what you see in front of you.Ask yourself questions and check the many details of your life that you start to understand better.Take your time and use this exercise to really benefit you. Don’t just do it and put it away.

Summary The ESS formula (established self-security) to handle stress is essential for self re-engineering. But no one can do it without paying close attention to the use of time because the poor use of time increases stress.Time is always of the essence. The STR formula (stop, think, relax) is one of the greatest time-savers because it allows you to handle unexpected stress right away, avoiding any of its lingering effects, and protects you from the distraction that stress produces.On the other hand,with ESS you are already in control, on top of the situation, using your time effectively. And because you are there, you’re always prepared to apply STR when needed. But stress control also requires intelligent common sense, with respect for the limitations of our human condition. For instance, stretching oneself or others beyond one’s limits is a nasty habit of many senior executives. It is useful to keep in mind that no one gives what he does not have. The wise executive asks herself often questions like: • Can we undertake this project? • Do we have the human resources to assume this new responsibility? • Is the organisation ready and willing to make this sacrifice now in order to get this longterm benefit? By doing this, she saves her corporation many a trouble and much stress. To change from stressed to unstressed life style, priorities and time usage must be examined and changed, as you have done in this section. By working on the contents of this Briefing you are one of the few who make the life-long commitment to ESS in order to transform stress into energy.

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An unstressing programme for the senior manager Introduction to the programme Different schedules An integrative approach Week 1 Case study: Ms Lamb’s triumph Week 2 Case study: Stress and hypertension Week 3 Case study: Coping with the threat of redundancy Week 4 Case study: Coping with a merger

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chapter 9

Chapter 9: An unstressing programme for the senior manager Introduction to the programme You may want to use this chapter to assist you in the programme to reach your ESS or established self-security.As you learned in the previous chapters, this is the only possible fullproof immunisation against damaging stress.Yes, the programme is serious because there is so much at stake. But its practicality and progression makes it easy and enjoyable, as senior executives have Briefinged after the programme. The ESS programme has 20 exercises and is divided into four sections called weeks to convey the message that in about that amount of time one can be on the way to ESS. But for some the four ‘weeks’ may take two or four months. Typically it takes about a month of effort to start one’s new attitude and habits. In about that short period of time one sees oneself, rather spontaneously, reacting differently to stress and stressful situations.And the new, different reaction, compared to the past: • Is healthier and more mature • Is more self-respecting and self-caring, and • Becomes more productive and beneficial in the job,both for oneself and for the people involved in these situations.

Different schedules The programme may be used in one of several ways.The most intense mode, which requires a few hours a day,is possible only if a month’s vacation is dedicated to it.This is not necessarily the most effective method – because of the human need to assimilate change slowly – and no one, to my knowledge, has done it this way. Another approach gives the programme about one hour a day. This track is excellent to start ESS and then to go on growing in it.But this,too,may be unrealistic in terms of available time. In this case the four weeks become longer than a month. Finally, one can pick and choose and do it in a rather haphazard way.The tangible benefits are slow in coming. But those who use this method also obtain good results, though it takes a longer period of time to do so, up to six months or so. Even this schedule demands one or two hours a week for the programme.

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CHAPTER 9: AN UNSTRESSING PROGRAMME FOR THE SENIOR MANAGER

An integrative approach The entire programme is centred on the senior executive’s job, but it is not limited to the workplace.The exercises or practices are cumulative and build on each other week after week. What usually happens, after the programme is completed, is that the person ends up using habitually merely from five to eight of the 20 given exercises.But this,in itself,will be the success to celebrate; that at least some of these practices have become like second nature to you. The four weeks comprise stress immunisation through ESS in the following areas: • Work • Family • The world • From here to eternity.

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Week 1 Everything about the job will be better Ideally,one should love one’s work.Not to love it is toxic for the soul.Often senior executives ignore many details that bother them,and some of these may be serious enough to take much joy out of the job. Little experience is needed to understand the two-way direct connection between stress and lack of satisfaction. By learning to react differently to many ordinary and daily stressors we shall get rid of much stress. Week one concentrates on this concern on the job.

The little hassles method Before you start, place your mind on the right set. Be ready with paper and pen – a notebook is preferred. Push aside distractions and interruptions.Think of the time that you are devoting to this practice as a wise investment. It will bring a very hefty return.Then follow all the steps slowly: • First,write a list of things that bother you at work.Write as many items as come to mind including, things, circumstances and people • Now edit your long list, looking for duplications and really unimportant items. Unimportant are those that you would prefer not to put up with, but that truly do not produce much inconvenience, and have not come up to the level of stress • Next, select at least two of the items in your edited list • Review your usual reaction to one of the two items • Try to be as truthful as you can with regard to your ordinary mode of reacting to stress • Ask yourself these questions to get to the truth.When the stressful situation presents itself: – what do you think? What do you say to yourself ? What comes to your mind? – how does your body react? – what do you actually do or say out loud? • If it helps your memory, jot down a few notes on these questions • At this point you’ll engage in the basic mental rehearsal. (You’ll learn it thoroughly in Week 4).

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After relaxing, as in Chapter 6, you shall see yourself in your mind’s eye, reacting differently to the same situation.As if you were watching a movie in your mind; you say the right things, use the appropriate tone of voice, have the correct facial expression.You are in control of the situation.You feel great about it; proud of your victory over something that used to give you stress in the past. • Then do the same with the second item you selected previously. But add the question, ‘Is there any similarity in my reaction to these two items?’And reflect on it • Finally, think of a better way in which you can react to the same situation or person. Go over the new way in your mind until you are satisfied that this is the manner in which you wish to react next time • Resolve firmly and seriously to do so. Determine when you’ll practice the new way of reacting to those daily stressors. The most important part of this practice is the vivid mental rehearsing. In your mind’s eye, you must see yourself acting in the new, most effective manner, as if it were a vivid daydream that, for the moment, becomes almost more real that external reality itself. This method of self-study may be beneficial for many other stressful situations and shall give you a renewed sense of control and satisfaction.

Case study: Ms. Lamb’s triumph Ms. Lamb illustrates the little hassles method. For the previous three years she was the only female senior executive among six others in a national company dedicated to training and development for business people. Her promotion to this position had been a public relations move on the part of the Board of Directors in a very male-dominated organisation. Even though she, as the First Officer for Program Development, outwardly was supposed to be on the same hierarchical level as the other six First Officers, she had less power than the others. Her proposed budgets were always cut, even though that of her colleagues was easily approved and, often, even increased. She needed clearance for decisions the others could make on their own. She had to Briefing in much more detail than the other six did on trips, meetings and last minute changes in her schedule. In spite of these differences, Ms. Lamb was carrying responsibly the same heavy duties as her other six colleagues. Every time she was discriminated against, she felt furious and at the brink of exploding. On a very few rare occasions she had complained firmly and loudly, not showing anger or emotional upset but being factual. This had made things worse, giving her colleagues and superiors an excuse for innuendoes against her as a woman.

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After Ms. Lamb began to use the little hassles method she ignored the negative remarks at the time, but recorded them in detail in her daily log. She was gathering evidence on the unfair treatment of women in the company. Relying on one person she trusted in the Board of Directors, a genuine individual who wanted what was best for the organisation and had proposed Ms. Lamb for her current position, she showed him her written Briefing. He was earnestly interested and promised to handle this for the company’s benefit and without creating any difficulty for her personally. Ms. Lamb felt satisfied doing something constructive and the situation improved considerably in the following few months. What had made a significant difference in her level of stress is that she now admitted to herself that she had to rely on an outside source to resolve the problem. Because she was gathering evidence every time anything negative happened, she was not stressed any longer but rather elated, knowing that the accumulated evidence would resolve the problem, as it finally did. Ms. Lamb learned and benefited from the experience. Because of her extraordinary performance she became Company President, the second in command in the entire organisation. She was able to increase the First Officers to eight, four of which were now women. At the heart of the little hassles method is the reframing technique by which Ms. Lamb viewed the situation from a long distance perspective, rather than to let it annoy her at the time. Because she now had a plan, what had annoyed her became positive material for the attainment of her goal. She had transformed stress into energy.

Relief from physical stress Among the many strategies to relieve physical stress the senior executive may have tried several already. In Arab countries one sees worry beads in the hands of young and old. Relief is also obtained by means of hand grippers or hand squeezers.These are small, inexpensive, devices one can hold in one hand. By squeezing or gripping it one relieves for the moment physical stress. Most non-athletic people prefer the squeezers, softer to the touch, more resilient and less obvious. What device you choose is not important but what is necessary is to select one and use it consistently during the first week of the programme at the slightest indication of stress.

Upper relaxation It is not difficult to develop the habit of relaxing if one does it progressively. Similar to the paradoxical method described in Chapter 6, you first tense your shoulders and then let them

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relax. Repeat this three times or until you truly feel the difference. Next, in response to the shoulders relaxation, allow your head to drop (any way it wants to go, front, back or to one side, as long as it is comfortable), and gently let your eyes close. Stay like this for half a minute and try to enjoy the sense of relaxation. Once you have learned to practice this, keep it in mind for when you start feeling tense.The moment stress shows its ugly head, you do your relaxation. If this happens in a situation like driving or meetings, where you cannot drop your head and close your eyes, just relax your shoulders, as indicated earlier.

Distract your mind Stressors are like magnets of thoughts.‘Can’t stop thinking about it,’ people say.The more one thinks about not thinking of something,the more difficult it is to stop thinking about it.Saying to yourself that you don’t want to think about taxes, for instance, does not help you to stop. The only solution is to think about something else. Everybody knows this but many do not know how to stop the stressful thoughts. An answer to this problem is to have at hand a book of short quotations or very brief jokes that you really like.The Bible,the Koran,the Dhammapada or another holy book,are excellent for those who believe. Read slowly one brief entry. Let it sink in. Enjoy it.This method takes less than five minutes from start to finish.Then you return to what you were doing. The success of this practice lies in the change of mental focus,which allows one’s unconscious to find new mental resources,blocked from use before,because of the narrow focus.Changing the mental focus from worry to something pleasant or soothing, widens the unconscious attention, very often finding new elements to handle the stressful situation.

Your comfortable zone During the first week of the ESS programme, it is imperative that you inspect your working surroundings. In the second week you shall do the same with your home environment. The existential world in which we move, reflects our essence but it also influences our very being. Surrounded by comfort, beauty, love and security, humans become healthier, friendlier and more creative – often even more productive. Notice that when humans are under stress they are sicker, distant from each other and self-encapsulated, not expressing their creativity in any art form.

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Your comfortable zone is an exercise that invites you to examine your working world. Start at your desk. Examine everything, first on it and later in it. • Are the things on your desk convenient to you? • Are they pleasant to behold (in good taste, beautiful, artistic)? • Do any of the things have special meaning for you? • Are there any inspiring objects,such as mottoes or sayings,pictures of heroes you admire, mementoes from your family or from past accomplishments, etc.? After deciding which are the positive objects on your desk, discard any object that does not fulfil the conditions we are discussing.Think of the things you might use as substitutes (if any) for those you discarded and resolve to place them there as soon as possible. Next, go over your entire desk, every drawer, every shelf, every cabinet, and do the same you did with your desktop.You’ll be surprised to realise how much junk has accumulated. As you did before, make a list of the objects you want to have instead of the ones you are throwing away. Finally, renew (make new, transform) your whole office.You may not want or can not change the furniture and floor covering itself. But you certainly are able to change what is on the walls, the arrangement of the furniture and light, the place occupied by the equipment that surrounds you. Spend as much time as you need to try it,before you finally decide how you want your ‘world’ to be. By doing this, you deliberately create your own chosen environment and you make it be an extension of yourself.

The five exercises listed for the first week of the ESS programme will give you the foundation to start living with much less stress in your life.To attain established self-security means to have gained control over one’s environment,the world we referred to above,so that this world has little or no power to upset you, which is what stress does. By doing away with the daily hassles,with the irritating things in one’s immediate environment and by having means to relax, as well as to relieve physical stress and to distract one’s mind, we start to feel powerful over our own life. Once you have finished with week one, write in your notebook your impressions of your experience, or record them in an audio cassette.

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Abstract of Week 1 For unexpected reasons, you may have to interrupt the ESS four week programme after the first week (or after the second or third). In this case, use the days until you can get back to the programme to repeat the practices already learned. 1. React in productive ways to the daily hassles 2. Use a hand device to relief stress 3. Use every opportunity you find to relax your shoulders where physical tension tends to accumulate 4. Distract your mind when tension comes with a brief passage or a joke from your book of choice and 5. Keep your ‘world’ just the way you want it. Surround yourself with things and objects that are meaningful to you, beautiful, soothing and enriching to your soul. Keep a keen eye for junk so that it does not accumulate around you. In your notebook, jot down any thoughts, impressions or reactions you might have to Week 1. In any event, rate your reaction to the five exercises.

Only when you are ready to continue, you should resume with the ESS programme. • Because you have the right mindset. • Because you make the time to do it. • Because you are convinced that this is beneficial to you.

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Week 2 Your home is your castle Ideally, one’s home should be a haven where one finds physical and emotional security, acceptance and respect, freedom to be oneself and peace. Home should be the place where one finds refuge from all the turmoil,demands and stress of the outside world.But,unfortunately, this is not the case with most people. Many cannot decide whether the problems at home are worse than those at work or vice versa. The second week of the ESS programme for senior executives concentrates on one’s home and family.

Establish a worry-free haven The purpose of this exercise is to find a private haven for you; to have a place free from interruptions, protected from all worries and problems, in order to learn how to retrain your mind to be worry-free and to relax.This is the physical place, like a mental laboratory, where you will devote yourself to your personal growth. Thanks to this place you will achieve established self-security sooner and more solidly than without it. Finally, this is the place to use regularly when you are home. This unstressing practice is something as serious as a religious observance. If it is possible do it in your home, you will establish a room or, at least, an ample corner in one of the rooms, that you consecrate for your mental rest and relaxation.After you establish it in the manner it fits you, you will use it as often as possible (not less than four half hours a week) to let go of the accumulated stress, to re-energise yourself and to enjoy being alive.This is the worryfree haven. Not everybody is able to establish a worry-free haven at home. In this case, a quiet corner in a building like a library, a house of worship, a fraternity or a club, will do. In the warm season, your haven may be a secluded and safe place in a park or garden. The steps to do this follow, obviously, with modifications depending on whether your haven is at home or not. • First, think of a place in your home (or elsewhere) that you can ‘acquire’ as your private haven. Preferably, it is a room or section of the house that is neither too crowded nor too spacious, that has good natural light but that can be darkened at will; that is away from the noise of the rest of the house and from that of the street traffic.Your haven should not have a telephone, a radio, a television, a fax machine or a computer, so that you will be able to concentrate on yourself

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• If you are able to select your haven at home, take some time to plan in your mind how you would like it to be – the type of furniture you like,and the placement of the furniture • Still assuming you are able to establish your worry-free haven at home, make sure the rationale for having this private sanctuary is clear in your mind.Then bring these ideas to the attention of your spouse and perhaps your children.They need to understand the advantages this haven will bring to you and they must be supportive of the whole project.Without the family’s co-operation, the haven at home does not work • If your haven will not be at home, you have to explain to your family your need for spending time alone and for arriving home later than usual on certain days • Once this is established, you’ll start spending some time there • This will be your place to be alone with your thoughts. Here you’ll meditate (see next chapter), you’ll plan your strategies to succeed without undue stress and you’ll reach ESS (established self-security).

Meditation When you are stressed,like everybody else,your mind gets confused with opposing thoughts. Meditation, widely used in the Hindu and Buddhist traditions, means ‘to get to the middle of things’ and it is a very ancient method of establishing self-security. To meditate, decide on about half an hour during which you can be alone, uninterrupted and without distractions.The best place will be your worry-free haven. Sit comfortably, and gently close your eyes. Then concentrate on your breathing and allow it to become slow, rhythmic and gentle.Think of breathing as a sign of being alive. Keep breathing slowly. The goal is to feel fully alive while you breathe in this way. Stay with this exercise for about ten minutes. It takes about that long, in the beginning, to enter into this special way of using one’s mind. When distractions come,don’t follow them in your mind but go back gently to your breathing and the connection with life. Breathing can become your full life connection. Resolve to give this practice a good try and determine on a regular schedule to do this three times a week.With practice,this becomes easier and better.You want to be in touch with your inner self and to ward off any and all distractions from the outside, which is what meditation helps you do.

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Eventually it leads you to the established self-security of inner peace, which immunises you from stress and allows you to face difficult situations without tension or upset.

Factual communication If our thinking is affected negatively when we are tense,disturbed,angry and nervous,so does your communication.The main rule of communication is that we do not do it if our thoughts are not clear and if our emotions are taking over. When something of an upsetting nature happens in your family, give yourself a few minutes of meditation before you prepare for communication. Once you are calm, write down the facts of what is upsetting you.Then, not before, you may approach the person or persons involved to present the facts,as you see them, and to request confirmation or clarification. If your perception of the facts is correct, there will be confirmation.In this case you shall be able to discuss what happens and how and why it upsets you.Your spouse,child or close relative,understanding your point of view,shall probably offer some suggestions.Thanks to that reaction,both of you may continue to discuss the issue openly, as you have begun to do. However,if your perception of the facts was not accurate,the other family member will complete or correct it.This alone may help you understand better what happened and,again,places the issue into the open so that you may discuss it further. This unstressing method will come in handy at work,with friends,and in business transactions. But you have to practice it many times before it becomes your normal way of communicating.

Middle relaxation This week you are invited to concentrate on the middle part of your body, your whole torso. In your worry-free haven, you may spend some time paying attention to the muscles of your middle body, from your neck to your waist. Many people visualise them as cables and cords that are tense and stretched. Take a little time to see your muscles tight; the muscles of your upper back and of your chest, those of your lower back and of your abdomen.While you continue breathing gently, allow the tense muscles to start becoming softer.A little bit softer with every breath. You may like to imagine a ten-point scale in which ten represents the best level of relaxation your muscles can reach.Now notice the number seems to appear in your mind when you check the scale.When you reach number six, linger a bit on the feeling of relaxation.Then add to it the upper relaxation of the first week.Enjoy this combined relaxation for a couple of minutes.

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Exercise The mental phenomenon called stress makes the body tense. One of the methods to avoid stress is to keep oneself in good muscle tone. Many senior executives neglect exercise. If you used to do it, pick it up again. If you never were athletic, think of some form of exercise that is non-strenuous, such as walking or gentle swimming.This is another way of clearing your mind and keeping yourself in an unstressed state, which is characteristic of the established self-security. There is nothing too much to say about it.All the evidence tells us that the body is made to exercise and that muscles atrophy if not exercised.Therefore,not to exercise is to put the body under unnatural stress by not allowing it to do what is part of its very nature. Try a half-hour walk and use this time to stop yourself from thinking about problems. Simply enjoy walking, breathing, looking at the things around you, the sounds and scents. Once in a while,check that your muscles are not tense and perhaps,while walking,practice the relaxation exercises you have learned so far.You may want to use the ten-point scale again by checking it before your walk and, again, at the end of it.After a few times, you shall probably notice a clear difference in the numbers that come to your mind. If you enjoy swimming, join a pool and see it as a present you give yourself.As in the case of walking, do it for your enjoyment, relaxation and peace of mind. By the way, walking and swimming could be done with your spouse or with a friend, as long as the time is not used to discuss serious matters, but to relax.

Case study: Stress and hypertension Mr. Higgins was the Chief Financial Officer of a clothing manufacturing company in the Clothing District of Manhattan. His hours were long but he kept the organisation in the black and was respected and feared by the immense competition. This went on for over 12 years until, at the age of 49, he had a heart attack that required bypass surgery and kept him out of work for over a month. After surgery, using the explanation that his had been ‘a simple bypass,’ he claimed not to have any time to join one of the special rehabilitation programmes run by cardiac facilities in specialised hospitals. When the President of the Board heard about it, he ordered Higgins to come back in two days with an alternative programme of cardiac rehabilitation.

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Having learned about the workshop on stress for the senior executive and liking its individualcentred approach, he promised his superior that he would take the two-day programme, including the three month follow-up without which the person is not given the certificate of completion. During the workshop, Higgins realised that he had never given himself permission to merely enjoy anything. All his actions had to produce immediate, measurable, results. At work, even after conquering the competition, he competed with himself, living under constant stress. His family was not a source of support because he had neglected them long ago and they, in turn, had become disinterested in him. He also had to admit that he had not taken care of himself by abusing his health and body. For instance, for over twenty years he had been a smoker of over two packs of cigarettes a day, ate poorly and badly, drunk more than advisable and did no physical exercise at all. Regardless of his excuses, he came to the realisation that he had to change his life style drastically to lower the risks to his life. Initially, he reacted negatively to the programme for what he described as ‘waste of time, games for children.’ Only the fear of disappointing his superior motivated him enough to try our exercises and finally committed himself to ‘a new life.’

Mr. Higgins turned the page By the end of the three months follow up, he requested to continue, even after receiving his diploma. He extended the reporting of his progress and the counselling that takes place during the three months after the workshop. He stated that he did not want to lose what he had already gained. The list of his changes was impressive. •

He was allotting three hours a day to himself, and meditated daily

•

He had rearranged his office and a small room in his house that he used now as his worryfree haven

•

He had stopped smoking

•

Improved greatly on his diet and

•

Swam religiously for a minimum of half an hour three times a week.

The new focus on the family had improved also. He surprised his wife by planning all the details for a second honeymoon to be taken in the Autumn, six weeks away, consisting of a luxury cruise in the Caribbean. His two sons, who had given up on him, became the focus of his concern. Higgins made several efforts. He met them for lunch, invited them to sports events, found the time to visit his two grandchildren and to befriend his daughters-in-law.

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Mr. Higgins was a changed man. He confessed that before, he worked obsessively but did not enjoy the job most of the time. Now he felt relaxed and truly looked forward to doing what he did so well and also to the time he spent on himself. He was now more productive and efficient than ever before because now he had more time to reflect and think. As a footnote, it is interesting to know that his father was as hard working as Mr. Higgins. Recent research indicates that the workaholic is different from the Type A behaviour individual but likewise prone to depression, anxiety and external influence. Workaholic behaviour seems to be learned as a child and thus it can be unlearned but at considerable cost, as Mr. Higgins seriousness and perseverance showed us.

Abstract of Week 2 One finds many senior executives who believe they can control stress by will-power. And they fail.Others think they can avoid stress by using quick formulas.But as you know from Chapter 6, the quick formulas of STR work only for unexpected, emergency situations. However, if we are talking about avoiding chronic stress, like Mr. Higgins had before his transformation, or about learning how to live with established self-security (ESS),a program of self re-engineering is imperative. The comparison of learning a foreign language was used before to emphasise the need for patience, perseverance and repetition.To become immunised to stress requires skills that are acquired only through practice.You may remember any other skill that seemed very difficult, almost impossible, in the beginning.After you had acquired it, you might have forgotten the blood, sweat and tears it took you to get it. In the unstressing programme you still are during the period of the blood, sweat and tears. Don’t lose sight of the goal while you move on. In your notebook,write your impressions of Week 2 and plan some of the possible applications of the unstressing programme so far, for your work as a senior executive.Your goal is to take away from stress (always present in your job) the power to control you. In order to raise your level of stress tolerance and even to make you immune to stress, you cannot narrow your attention only to what happens in the job. If there is stress at home – and there usually is – that stress must also be resolved to make the job easier and more productive. In this second week, the focus was on the family because it can become a wonderful source of support and strength, benefiting all other areas of your life, especially the job area.

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Week 3 Your place in the world If one can generalise the ideological contrast between East and West, it can be said that in the Western culture we think of dominating the world. Because of it, our generation and those who follow us will have to pay for the mistakes of that domination – destruction of natural resources and universal pollution.In the Eastern mentality each person has a place and a mission in the world.This is true also of the smallest insect or the mightiest mountain.This leads to a sense of respect, reverence and mystery, with the desire to occupy that place in harmony with the rest of beings and to fulfil that mission. Western philosophy wants answers and explanations.The Eastern mind accepts the unknown and the uncertain.Westerners are still looking for the fountain of youth and do not want to talk of death.Easterners look forward to old age and admire its wisdom,take death as a natural part of the life cycle and prepare for it. The third week invites you to accept your place in this world.We must find our place in this world to reach the level of established self-security.Not to know this,keeps a nagging,underlying stress in us; the effort needed to dominate the world, to find answers to all our questions and to avoid ageing and death produce much stress in our daily life. Excessive power, information overload and supreme stamina make the individual restless, preoccupied, driven – thus increasing stress to the limit – and ultimately frustrated and disenchanted.

Respect the limits Very early in this Briefing, senior executives who push themselves beyond their limits were mentioned. Pushing oneself is not a virtue. It is only useful in real emergencies.You have to accept that you cannot overwork yourself. Overwork refers to several aspects of the job, including hours of work.To avoid the mistake, judge yourself carefully: • When do you start to feel tired, restless, hungry or thirsty? • What are the best times in the day for you to be productive? • How many extra hours (and how often) should you give your job not to neglect the other segments of your life? Take a few minutes to answer these vital questions and bring them to your inner circle (see next practice) for input and advice.The common sense rule of thumb still works well. • When you are fidgety, get up and pace for a while • When you are hungry, eat something

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• When you are thirsty, drink a glass of cold water • When you are sleepy and cannot take a nap, stretch and breathe deeply or relax your shoulders as torso (as in Week 1 and 2). This policy shows practical and true respect for your body, to listen to your body. As a part of not pushing yourself,you may want to try having one hour a day – when you know you are more productive – during which you do not receive phone calls nor visitors. This shall be your thinking time.You will be doing more for your organisation if you respect your limits and take the best time to be fully concentrated on your senior executive function of planning, projecting and creating visions. Incidentally,an open door policy that neglects the senior executive ends up doing more harm than good because you cannot be at your best with constant interruptions and distractions.

Inner circle All leaders have a board of advisors and you need them too.Give some thought to your closest friends,current and past and,as a Prime Minister selects his Cabinet,you may find one person who is very good in business matters, another in family affairs, a third one in character and personality issues, and so on. If you, like many male senior executives, have neglected old friends, make the needed effort to contact them.Arrange for a luncheon or another informal meeting and rekindle the old friendship if you realise that the other person reciprocates and shows interest. After a few weeks you shall have established your own board of advisors.This is the function these close friends have, to advise you and to give you honest input in issues related to the areas you decide. This method reduces stress considerably in areas of worry and enriches our perspective in many other areas. One of the most difficult moments in life is to feel alone, that we cannot talk to anybody about our problems, doubts, fears, mistakes or dark side. Everyone needs at least one other person in front of which he can be completely honest. But because it is impossible to find one person who understands everything about every aspect of one’s life, this method is the smartest. In this respect, we should recognise the myth that our spouse, as our best friend, should be our only advisor in every aspect of our life is unfair to one spouse and frustrating to the other.

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Relationships Any person we come in contact with may become part of a more or less deep and lasting relationship.To avoid stress with others,‘three verbs’ are very helpful: • Expect • Accept • Reject. Humans tend to expect definite things from others, whether they like them or dislike them. The senior executive, dealing with so many different people has to check always her expectations and be quick to recognise those that are false because they are based on assumptions and on the aura effect but not based on reality.The aura effect makes us believe that because the person looks decent and attractive, because he talks nicely, because we like him, he will then come through with what we want, or will do something important for us. The opposite applies likewise to those we do not like and who initially do not make a good impression on us – we expect the worse based on that first impression. To accept people starts with the fact that the senior executive will find people who are very different from her or from what she is used to – in appearance, in speech, in values and life style.By accepting the differences,as long as they are not on basic beliefs and values,one benefits from other positive aspects of that person’s influence on us. Finally,to reject means that the senior executive must be quick to recognise those people whose influence on her is negative, who are not supportive, honest and validating. Many take very long to admit to themselves that this relationship is over, that this person does not fulfil now in one’s life the same function he fulfilled in the past. It is not difficult to understand that to do the contrary of the ‘three verbs’ is contrary to ESS because it generates stress.The senior executive in the unstressing programme will have to summon all her energy to change in the area of relationships. The result is a great feeling of freedom, peace and relief.

Diplomacy at work Often stress is self-generated, when one acts without full consideration of the place, time and circumstances. Diplomacy means to do what is right in a particular setting, not what we spontaneously feel like doing. But, what is right? If in a specific set of circumstances you are not sure about it, use your inner circle to help you with it.This is a very important preventive measure against stress. Not doing what is right often requires ‘damage control,’ apologies and waste of energy and time – in other words, stress.

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The senior executive thinks before acting, considering the circumstances of the situation: • How much to say (or do) and when • What to say (or do) and • What not to say (or do) • As well as where to do it. One sure way to avoid excessive stress is to think and plan before acting.As a matter of fact, this method not only avoids stress but it makes the person feel very good about himself after looking back and realising that he has triumphed in a particular difficulty.

Creative self-deception The introduction to this Briefing mentioned that much is hypnotic in the mental skills needed to avoid stress. For instance, a person in excruciating pain is able to diminish it to tolerable levels or to make it disappear completely by using hypnosis.This is creative self-deception because the pain is still there but the person has been able to block it by visualising it as a block or filter or some other thing that in reality is not there.The mind has constructed a different reality, overriding the external reality and becoming very helpful for the individual. Creative self-deception, practised deliberately, is a powerful unstressing method. It lends itself to creative thinking and it is the source of secret but productive fun because it can be entertaining. It is also another form of reframing.All it takes is a little mental effort and some daring. Let’s say that outside your window there is a persistent noise of road works.The most common reaction is stress; you cannot concentrate, you are wasting your time, they could choose weekends to make this racket, and so on. But depending on your preferences and background, you could also imagine yourself trying to finish an important Briefing – whatever you are doing at the time – for an international news service while in the middle of a natural disaster like a tornado or a hurricane – or in the midst of battle.The idea is to integrate the distraction into your work and to use it as a means of concentrating more on your work. An easy way to start creative self-deception is to ask oneself what else could this distraction (noise,smell,commotion) be and to unleash one’s imagination in the direction of that possibility. It is wise not to wait until one has to use this method, but to try it and practice it when things are normal and undisturbed.How? You make up a story based on nothing real in order to loosen up your imagination.Thus, the couple sitting at the next table in the restaurant is a team of

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foreign spies plotting to take over the government of Argentina. Or they are famous people from America involved in an illicit romance because they are half siblings. Or they are two transvestites; she is he and he is she. All this may sound rather insane and unrelated to stress control. But it is a method to activate one’s creative imagination in the service of sanity. The more we enter into the reality created by our imagination,the more we can detach ourselves from the surrounding, annoying, reality.This practice also encourages the senior executive to develop a style of her thinking that, in many, is atrophied – creative thinking for sheer fun.

Case study: Coping with the threat of redundancy The CEO of a computer software manufacturer, Mr. North thought his job was secure. As a matter of fact he was planning on retiring by the year 2000. But in the last two weeks of April, 1998, the real possibility of a very lucrative merger of this organisation with a larger company became a reality. The Chairman of the Board was very keen on this merger and Mr. North himself believed this was a good decision for the organisation. However, the merger put his job in jeopardy. The fear of losing his job threw him into a state of confusion, sadness and mild panic. Mr. North, who had learned the STR-ESS approach to stress, took four very constructive actions to control his stress. •

First, he called three of his five inner circle group. The discussion with two of them over the phone and with the other over a drink after work hours diminished his stress to the point that he could smile again. They pointed, for example, to his strong possibility of becoming a consultant to the new organisation that he, somehow, had ignored in his stressful state

•

He also realised that he had to use more ‘diplomacy’ in the negotiations with the other company. He had talked too much about the smaller company rather than limiting himself to answering the others’ questions

•

Third, in the midst of all the turmoil, he decided to take off a long weekend with his wife at a beach resort that he loved; sunshine, swimming, golf and tennis were what the doctor ordered to clear his mind

•

Finally, as part of creative self deception and mental rehearsal he composed a long letter to his future employer as if he had been offered a job as a senior consultant, explaining, on the basis of his many qualifications, how big an asset he would be to the new organisation.

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After having done these four things and continuing his relaxation and exercise described in the two previous weeks of the unstressing programme, Mr. North felt full of energy and very optimistic about his future. In case the officers of the new company did not offer him the consulting job, he mailed the letter he had composed to an agency specialising in senior consultants’ placement. He had eliminated undue stress and was able to continue the merger negotiations, so that by the time the deal was finished, the shareholders publicly thanked him for his efforts and the Board presented him with a substantial severance bonus. Moreover, the new officers offered him a very convenient position as senior consultant.

Abstract of Week 3 The focus is on the world because everything that happens around us has an effect on us. Trying to ignore these events does not protect us from the stress they produce.The world includes the avalanche of information and news that is at our reach.The Internet alone could keep us occupied 24 hours a day. Immunisation from stress demands that we become very selective.We cannot allow ourselves to be at the mercy of what happens and we must decide what to watch, hear and receive. In the matter of data and information, the senior executive must decide for herself: • What is junk • What is merely a matter of curiosity • What is a matter of interest • What is truly useful, and • What is absolutely necessary to know. Only the senior executive herself can establishing an importance hierarchy. Not to do it is to leave a big door wide open for stress to come into one’s life.You may want to consider this a bonus exercise for weeks three and four.Write this down in your notebook.

Before moving on to Week 4, review everything that you have done so far.What we just stated about information in general, applies also to this particular type.As we cannot live without water but, in excess, it drowns us, we need unstressing strategies. But knowing them and not using them may make us feel guilty and give us more stress.

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Before adding to all the means to control stress by learning more practices,review the previous ones first, like the retail business man takes inventory. If you find that a particular exercise has been left undone, do it before going on. Only then, continue to the final week of this programme.

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Week 4 From here to eternity In the fourth week, you are guided through five new exercises conducive to control stress, four mental and one new relaxation practice.These activities focus more specifically on your thinking about yourself and how it affects your behaviour in and out of work.The practice of creative self-deception introduced you to this last effort to attain established self-security in the STR-ESS programme. This was a method to distract your mind from something not beneficial and to focus it on something else. No one can truly compartmentalise life when it comes to stress.If you are stressed on the job, you’ll show it at home, with friends, in your driving and in every other thing you do, even if you try to hide it – and the reverse occurs at work when you are stressed at home.Actually, the effort to hide stress will produce more stress. It is like when we are in pain,everything we do is affected and eventually our very personality starts to change – we have less energy, our sense of humour has a lower ceiling, things that were important to us in the past lose their value, and so on.

Ego-strengthening Many have developed the habit of thinking and talking about themselves in self-disparaging ways. Spilling some coffee or a similar mistake ends with an insult (‘I’m such an idiot!’) and the reaction to a slight forgetfulness becomes another form of self-disrespect. (‘Why can’t I plan things better? It’s my great expertise; to mess up things.’).The real accomplishments are taken for granted and minimised (‘I’m supposed to do it right.’).This pseudo-self-atonement is a non-productive distraction from the task at hand and an increase of stress. Counterbalancing this negativism, ego-strengthening is a deliberate effort to pay attention to one’s positive traits and accomplishments and to give oneself full credit for them when credit is deserved. Be patient and expect to practice it several times before fully succeeding. In your worry-free haven (Week 2),and by using your imagination,you can relive a wonderful experience of success in your (recent) past. • Select one such recent memory and in your mind, put yourself there, re-experience all the good feelings you had then as if it were happening again • Activate your inner senses to hear the sounds, words, music (if any) that were part of the event. Smell any scents you might have perceived then. Savour the taste of any food or drink that might have accompanied the experience.

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In other words re-create the perfect mental reproduction (both factual and emotional) of your past success in order to keep it benefiting you with its dynamism. Do not be too quick to give up on ego-strengthening.Turn off your critical mind and learn this proven method of using the past to improve the present – the exact opposite of what humans do when they engage in neurotic regret and worry.

Total relaxation Thus far, you have practised relaxed breathing (Chapter 6), upper relaxation (Week 1) and middle relaxation (Week 3).This time,you merely combined the three and extend the relaxation to your lower body,your pelvic area and your buttocks,your legs and feet,feeling marvellously relaxed all over your body.If you are comfortable in water,you may see yourself totally relaxed, floating in a large swimming pool on one of those very safe inflatable mattresses. Using the ten-point scale of the exercises mentioned above, allow yourself to be completely absorbed by the good feeling of total relaxation so that your mind becomes as relaxed as your body.

Mental rehearsal Neurotic worry consists in mentally reliving the past or pre-living the future for one’s detriment. Mental rehearsal means to pre-live the future for one’s benefit.Making good use of your worryfree haven, think of something stressful you have to face in the next few days. Carefully think of all the details in your attitude,words and general conduct that will make this task a success and a source of pride for you. Then, close your eyes and relax, as you have learned to do. • Once relaxed, put yourself mentally in that situation • Imagine yourself acting just right, feeling in control, saying the words that precisely fit the case, with the right tone of voice and emphasis. In other words, you experience yourself facing perfectly what would have been a stressful situation. Enjoy your triumph for a moment and revert to the ordinary thinking style.And do not forget that repetition guarantees the result of this. Mental rehearsal is quite popular as an acting method, for public speaking, in physical rehabilitation and in many sports.This is the vivencia mentioned in the Introduction – a selfinduced daydream,so vivid that for the moment it becomes as real as external reality.Repeated, it prepares the individual to act externally as in the mental rehearsal. Combined with the

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cartoon-like thinking of Chapter 6, it becomes a very powerful mental tool to ‘unstress’ any difficult situation or person. The story is told that when Linda McCartney was dying, her husband Paul, holding her in his arms,used this method to help her go smoothly through death.The former Beatle invited Linda to imagine herself riding her favourite horse through a beautiful wooded area,mentally enjoying the ride and the scenery. She died peacefully in the midst of this vivencia.

Subjective biofeedback Because modern life disguises stress in many ways,this may be a life-saving technique.At times people surprise themselves by unexpected thoughts that come into their mind or by a dream, a spontaneous gesture, reactions they have or words they say without thinking.Anything we experience, mentally or physically, comes ultimately from the inner mind (the unconscious). If the person is surprised,he can find out if there is any meaning in that spontaneous behaviour. Subjective biofeedback uses the body to elicit information on any of these instances.The manner in which your body reacts to these ‘thoughts’ when you go back to them later, tells you much about your true level of stress. To do this, in the privacy of your worry-free haven: • Select one of those spontaneous behaviours that surprised you • Relax and go back to it, either repeating the words or recalling as clearly as possible what happened • Without rush,taking your time,check your body’s reaction to this event.The inner mind often uses our body to bring something to our conscious attention • If there is any tension building up in any part of your body, stay with it for a while to make sense of it • If no connection with anything meaningful to you is forthcoming, do not insist. Next time something like this happens, try subjective biofeedback again.After a while, you shall discover that what seemed to be a ‘spontaneous’ behaviour, meant something to you.

Somatic bridge This technique consists in knowing what words or images soothe your body.When you find yourself chronically tense,it is helpful to have more than drugs to come back to normal.Somatic bridge is a completely natural means of doing it. The theory behind it is the constant interaction between mind and body.The body follows the mind,so that if the former is not at ease,something can be assumed to be restless at the mind level.

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Therefore,take a long moment to relax,as instructed previously,and pay attention to your body. Where is the tension? How much of that area does it take? Is it stable there, or is it moving? If you had to compare this tension to something else, what would that be? Visualise that to which you could compare your tension and focus on it for a while. Keep relaxed and wait a brief moment to check if any association with something in your current life appears.Whatever comes to your mind probably makes some sense.If no association appears,smoothly and gently repeat to yourself a power thought you believe will help you (see Chapter 7). Use also any images of tranquillity that may come to you then. After practising this a few times, you will have a few power thoughts and mental images that you shall be able to use in order to relax yourself in a matter of seconds.And, do not rush. In other words, use the tension in your body to become aware of something you were not aware about before, as the following case of Mr.West shows.

Case study: Coping with a merger For the last ten years, the office services organisation had depended on Mr. West as CEO to grow and become one of the strongest in the area. However, due to what he considered an unwise decision of the Board, the company merged with another with plans of moving into Internet selling of the same services. The entire process was to be completed in two years. Mr. West considered that now, at the age of 54, he had to learn a new career. One thing was to have some familiarity with computers; another to be responsible for making the revenues of a fairly large company dependent on them. Before the change, the organisation had close to 600 employees with a regular annual budget of £8 million and a capital gain of over 30 million a year. The number of workers was supposed to be reduced by 46 per cent and the capital gain doubled in the next five years. In his distress, Mr. West consulted with a friend who was familiar with the STR-ESS progress for stress immunisation. His friend convinced him to learn how to handle stress and become his unoffical coach during the programme. Because of his increased responsibilities originating from the drastic change in his organisation, it took Mr. Brown three months to complete it. The culmination of his experience – as it is meant to be – were the exercises of Week 4, especially ego-strengthening and somatic bridge. He had put much effort into doing them diligently. Now he felt surer of himself, stronger and more resolved than ever before. When the first news came about the merger with its dramatic changes in the organisation, Mr. West had gone through a rather predictable series of personal reactions:

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•

Shock and hurt

•

Fear of the future and urge to escape the situation

•

Anger and impulse to take immediate action

•

Return to reason, planning and decision to act on one’s behalf.

The decision he reached he attributed to this mind practice. He negotiated a good retirement for himself, to take place one year in the future, while he would assist the new CEO to be appointed by the Board. After his retirement, Mr. West would continue as a consultant when needed. The power thought he discovered from getting in touch with his physical tension was, ‘They have given me the gift of early retirement,’ with the mental pictures of much golf and sailing – the two relaxing activities he enjoyed most.

Abstract of Week 4 As repeatedly stated throughout this Briefing, stress is a subjective reaction to something that happens to us. Week 4, complementing previous mind exercises, teaches new methods to transform stress into energy – which means that what was the source of stress becomes something positive. Once a person achieves this, she is immunised to stress and has reached the goal of ESS or established self-security.

The final section shall give a glimpse of what the senior executive’s job without stress looks like and how true effectiveness and productivity, that is without damage to one’s body, mind or spirit, is its natural consequence.

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Achieving balance in your job Attitude check Case study: Job satisfaction Optimum control for job satisfaction Conclusion

10

chapter 10

Chapter 10: Achieving balance in your job The practical result of the unstressing programme described in the previous chapter is that the senior manager can now do her job without stress.She will be able to work better without working more. She will be truly effective by being more productive. The reasons for this improvement were all discussed in this Briefing.They are basically five: • Her priorities are well established.For instance,she will spend more time,attention and energy on those who are immediately under her • Her perception of her immediate subordinates is more pragmatic. They are her indispensable helpers,thanks to whom she gets her job done.Military operations require teamwork,and surgery demands a support team for the chief surgeon.Likewise,corporate management cannot be done without teamwork and delegation – each one in charge of specific tasks • She constantly remembers to take care of herself and audits her physical wellbeing, her emotional state, her attitude and her inner peace • She faces stressful situations with the people under her or with customers before they have a chance to grow. In order to diminish the stress at hand 1. she listens to the other party’s point of view 2. explains what she can explain 3. examines what can be changed and 4. takes constructive action when she can • She practices regularly four or five of the mind exercises from the unstressing program, the ones that she found more meaningful and helpful. She does this faithfully, with a cheerful attitude of self-maintenance.

Attitude check The five points of improvement converge on this,mentioned in the third place,above.Similar to taking one’s pulse when running, this is an existential check up of one’s current moment and situation. It includes the answer to many questions such as: • Am I feeling physically well? • Am I at peace with myself? • Am I clear as to what I am doing now and where I am going next?

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CHAPTER 10: ACHIEVING BALANCE IN YOUR JOB

• Am I pleased with myself? • Are all aspects of my life under control? If any of the answers to these questions is unsatisfactory, the senior executive corrects her thinking on the spot (the STR, introduced in Chapter 6).When other matters pressure on her, she makes a mental note of it or jots it down in her notebook in order to work on it at her worry-free haven on the next opportunity she has. The ‘correction’ may extend to areas that were neglected – exercise, sleep, diet – and that may be affecting her performance. Practical resolves to act differently shall be the outcome of this attitude check. The ‘working on it’ means to find a solution to what could be better in her life based on what this Briefing has outlined.However,if the solution is not forthcoming,she shall use the techniques explained in this Briefing not to let the problem overcome her. The attitude check is a call to honesty and can become a regular habit to help the unstressing goal.To do it is part of wisdom or the natural application of knowledge to life.Wisdom unites the two meanings of present, a gift and the here-and-now, so that the here and now becomes a gift and an opportunity to celebrate life.Then, every moment of living, not merely when we drink, deserves a toast: Cheers! to life!

Case study: Job satisfaction The Director of Research of an industrial real estate organisation, had been Rev. White for two decades. He had to change careers because of his inability to live up to the high standards of his religious faith. This personal conflict made his job a nightmare. He had lost all enjoyment and satisfaction in the ministry. He felt dishonest and hypocritical, to the point that he had to resign and find another occupation. Stress is antagonistic to job satisfaction. Mr. White’s personal feelings produced a dangerous level of stress being in the ministry. To have job satisfaction one has to know that he is doing with excellence what he is able to do and likes to do. His motivation for excellence comes from his self esteem – because he knows he is good at what he is doing and can do it with excellence. Those who are at the level of unmanageable stress (see Chapter 3) make mistakes. If, by painful effort they do not make mistakes, they add tremendously to their stress, moving on to the level of dangerous or even catastrophic stress.

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The practical conclusion of this truth is that the attitude check may help you to become aware of the early signs of lack of job satisfaction, allowing you to improve your job conditions or to change jobs, as Mr. White did. The early signs of job dissatisfaction are present when one has to respond frequently in the negative to the questions of the attitude check. And, as it is clear, negative answers are clear indications of unmanageable, dangerous or catastrophic stress. For the senior executive, job satisfaction is an all or nothing experience. If satisfied, she stays in the job and does it well. If not, she improves it or leaves it. Only in very rare occasions, and for a brief period of time, will a senior executive stay in a job that gives her no satisfaction and do it well. The concept of high job satisfaction, by the way, comes from outsiders who observe someone doing the job with enthusiasm and energy. Excellence does not happen without job satisfaction, and there is never excellence without job satisfaction.

Optimum control for job satisfaction The more we want to control, the more stress we create for ourselves.The vow of poverty, cherished by Christian monasticism as well as by most sects of Buddhism, is seen as liberation from concerns about material things.The more we depend on machines – computers,automobiles, communication equipment’s and the like – the more we have to worry. The wise senior executive realises that optimum control is not total control.He oversees a very powerful control structure without dreaming of controlling it directly.Because he organises the structure and then assigns duties and obligations to the qualified, he does not feel the need to control everything that happens within that structure. Micro management is never a virtue for the senior executive who has learned that it produces macro stress.

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Conclusion This Briefing intends to be a practical tool for the busy senior executive in any corporate organisation.The approach is that of ‘How to solve the problem of stress in the job’– practical, immediately applicable and pragmatic. Because the executive brings to the job her total personality, it would be naive to limit oneself to the workplace alone.The other slices of one’s life were also considered.The result is a new attitude.This is attained patiently with a series of effective mind techniques and external methods to overcome stress and to reach the point of transforming it into new energy. If the reader is interested in more than the practical aspects of controlling stress, the list of publications,at the end,provides an introduction to the research and theoretical aspects of stress.

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Bibliography

appendix

Bibliography Araoz, Daniel, The New Hypnosis, Jason Aronson, 1995 Araoz, Daniel and Sutton,William. Reengineering Yourself:A Blueprint for Personal Success in the New Corporate Culture,Adams Publishers, 1994 Boggan, Debra and VerSteeg,Anna, Confessions of an Unmanager: How ‘Managing Less’and Employee Teams Saved Our Company, Competitive Solutions, 1996 Buzan,Tony, Use Both Sides of Your Brain, Plume Books, 1989 Camino,Agusti and Gibernau, Montserrat, Hipnosis Ericksoniana: Aplicaciones en psicoterapia. Revista de Psicoterapia, viii (29) 5-20 (Barcelona, 1997) Davidson, Jeff, The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Managing Your Time, Macmillan, 1996 Davidson, Jeff, The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Managing Stress, Alpha Books, 1997 Drucker, Peter, The Effective Executive, Harper and Row, 1967 Handy, Charles, The Hungry Spirit, Broadway Books, 1998 Hanson, Daniel, Cultivating Common Ground, Butterworth-Heineman, 1997 Hanson, Peter, Stress for Success: How to make Stress on the Job Work for You, Doubleday, 1989 Jackson, Phil, Sacred Hoops: Spiritual Lessons of a Hardwood Warrior, Hyperion, 1995 Klein,Allen, The Healing of Humor, Putnam and Sons, 1988 Kushel,Gerald, Reaching the Peak Performance Zone, AMACOM, 1994 Lively, Lynn, Managing Information Overload, AMACOM, 1996 Mantell, Michael, Ticking Bombs: Defusing Violence in the Workplace, Business One-Irwin, 1994 McGee-Cooper,Ann and Duane Trammell, Time Management for Unmanageable People, Bantam Books, 1994 Miller,Timothy, How to Want What You Have: Discovering the Magic and Grandeur Of Ordinary Existence, Avon Books, 1995

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APPENDIX

Moore,Thomas, Care of the Soul:A Guide for Cultivating Depth and Sacredness in Everyday Life, Harper Perennial, 1992 Ornish, Dean, Reversing Heart Disease: Stress, Diet and Your Heart, Ballantine Books, 1996 Seligman, Martin, What You Can Change… And What You Can’t, Ballantine Books, 1995 Selye, Hans, The Stress of Life, McGraw-Hill, 1956 Zohar, Danah, Re Writing the Corporate Brain, Berret-Koehler, 1997 Finally, on the Internet, under the key word Stress, you shall find practically daily updates on the subject. Good reading and relaxed times!

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Power Over Stress at Work (Hawksmere Special Briefing)

Enabling Beyond Empowerment (Hawksmere Special Briefing)

Successful Graduate Recruitment (Hawksmere Special Briefing)

Practical Techniques for Effective Lobbying (Hawksmere Special Briefing)

Implementing an Integrated Marketing Communications Strategy (Hawksmere Special Briefing)

Stress at Work: Management and Prevention

Techniques for Ensuring PR Coverage in the Regional Media: An Insiders View (Hawksmere Special Briefing)

The Financial Consequences of Marriage Breakdown: A Practitioner's View (Hawksmere Special Briefing)

Corporate Community Investment: How to Make Your Business Profitably Popular (Hawksmere Special Briefing)

Successful Competitive Tendering (Thorogood Special Briefing)

Wind stress over the ocean

Wind Stress over the Ocean

Gender, Work Stress, and Health

Power Over People

Safety At Work

Fred Gipson at Work

CIOs at Work

The Wombles at Work

Win at Work

Interpersonal Skills at Work

Christians at Work

Safety at work

Successful Writing at Work

Your Mind at Work

Trouble at Work

Category theory at work

Men at Work

Dignity at Work

The Wombles at Work

Social Theory at Work

Power Over Stress at Work (Hawksmere Special Briefing)

Enabling Beyond Empowerment (Hawksmere Special Briefing)

Successful Graduate Recruitment (Hawksmere Special Briefing)

Practical Techniques for Effective Lobbying (Hawksmere Special Briefing)

Implementing an Integrated Marketing Communications Strategy (Hawksmere Special Briefing)

Stress at Work: Management and Prevention

Techniques for Ensuring PR Coverage in the Regional Media: An Insiders View (Hawksmere Special Briefing)

The Financial Consequences of Marriage Breakdown: A Practitioner's View (Hawksmere Special Briefing)

Corporate Community Investment: How to Make Your Business Profitably Popular (Hawksmere Special Briefing)

Successful Competitive Tendering (Thorogood Special Briefing)

Wind stress over the ocean

Wind Stress over the Ocean

Gender, Work Stress, and Health

Power Over People

Safety At Work

Fred Gipson at Work

CIOs at Work

The Wombles at Work

Win at Work

Interpersonal Skills at Work

Christians at Work

Safety at work

Successful Writing at Work

Your Mind at Work

Trouble at Work

Category theory at work

Men at Work

Dignity at Work

The Wombles at Work

Social Theory at Work

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