Of One Mind

Of One Mind - 1

Of One Mind Copyright © 2010 by Elizabeth L. Brooks All rights reserved. No part of this eBook may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission except in case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews. For information address Torquere Press, Inc., PO Box 2545, Round Rock, TX 78680 Cover illustration copyright Alessia Brio Used with permission ISBN: 978-1-1-61040-029-9 Printed in the United States of America. Torquere Press, Inc.: High Ball electronic edition / August 2010 Torquere Press eBooks are published by Torquere Press, Inc., PO Box 2545, Round Rock, TX 78680

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Of One Mind by Elizabeth Brooks Chapter One The school hadn't changed much in the last twenty years. It looked the same -- oppressively optimistic motivational prints, bulletin boards with fading and ripped decorations, hallway art painted by hopeful but still raw art students. It sounded the same -- distant chant of some sports club going through a drill, clang of a locker being slammed shut around a corner, echo of footsteps in the mostly-empty hall. It even smelled the same -- board markers and paper and dust, bubble-gum and cheap cosmetics, stale and overcooked food along the path to the cafeteria. Jereth paused before the door to the office, amused at the sense of nostalgic apprehension that rose in him. At fifteen, the office had been a place to go when you were in trouble. When, say, you had been found hiding behind the gym bleachers with three other boys, sharing a stolen cigarette. Or when you'd been caught sneaking into the bathroom during study hall to make out with your boyfriend. Or when you and your best friend had been discovered in the boys' locker room, filling the wrestling team's support cups with shaving cream, and she couldn't stop giggling despite the coach's furious glare... Jereth shook his head at the memory and pushed into the office. Well, some things had changed. The secretary Jereth remembered from his youth had been an old bag of a man Of One Mind - 3

who smelled of oatmeal and cough drops, forever scowling in disapproval upon students and adults alike. He'd been replaced with a young, pretty woman, and from across the counter Jereth thought he could smell roses and tea. She smiled, professionally bright, and on seeing he was neither a student nor an employee of the school, stood to approach the counter. "Can I help you, sir?" "I'm here to collect an after-hours student," Jereth said, fishing in his pocket for the note Mara had given him. He handed it to the secretary along with his ident, then caught his drifting gaze and fixed it firmly on her face. How long has it been? Years, anyway. Just a quick glimpse wouldn't hurt, would it? He cautiously shifted his outer shields to sample the thoughts escaping her Veil. She wasn't revealing much, holding her shields close. Hardly surprising, Jereth decided on reflection. After all, she must encounter dozens of adolescents a day with no appreciable control over their fledgling telepathy. Anyway, she was probably already mated. She had slotted his ident into the reader and was scanning the note. I should at least try. If only to keep Mara from nagging. "Don't suppose you'd be interested in meeting me for tea sometime," he offered, trying for studied indifference, but letting a hint of his interest color his outermost thoughts, in case she checked his Veil. "Or coffee, if you prefer...?" She gave him a quizzical look, then looked at the reader's printout again. "You're not mated?" she said curiously. Though she was too polite to say it aloud, At your age? Of One Mind - 4

hung in the air between them. Jereth's smile felt a little strained. "The slow search," he explained, trying to shrug off the embarrassment. His mate, when he found her, wouldn't have to wonder why he'd waited so long. Nor, he expected, would she make him feel like an idiot for it. The secretary flashed him another professional smile; this time it was a barrier rather than a welcome. "Doesn't that get... tiring?" she asked. The shifting silk of her exterior mind produced confusion. At least it wasn't contempt. Jereth sighed -- with as much relief as disappointment, if he was honest with himself -- and pulled his shields closed again. "Sometimes. But I believe it will be worth it." She gave him another stranger-smile and left the counter to summon Eremy. Jereth turned and pretended to read the awards posted on the wall so the secretary wouldn't feel obliged to make strained, polite conversation. It wasn't unusual for a twentyfive year old to be attempting the slow search, but it was considered a pastime of youth, not a life's pursuit. Most gave up well before thirty and went to the priests. Why waste time on gambling, after all, when certainty was so easy to obtain? And how foolish did Jereth look, then, who wouldn't see thirty-five again? Telepathy has ruined romance, Jereth grumbled to himself, not for the first time. "Uncle Jereth!" Eremy bowled through the door into the office, a surprised grin on his youthful face. Jereth turned to greet him with a clap to the shoulder. Of One Mind - 5

"Eremy? I swear, boy, you'll be taller than me before the year's out if you keep this up!" Had it been that long since his last visit, or was the boy really growing that fast? Eremy did not seem displeased. "Did you bring the car?" he demanded. "Would I have walked all the way from Townshead?" Jereth returned, leading the way out of the office with a neutral half-smile and nod for the secretary. "You might have walked over from the house." "What, and scuff my fancy city shoes?" Eremy laughed and jogged ahead to push through the outer door. He held it for Jereth. As much of a hellion as Mara had been when she'd been fifteen and getting Jereth into trouble, she'd raised her children to be remarkably polite, good-natured specimens. That, or the boy had inherited his mother's sense of humor and was mocking Jereth’s age. Jereth decided he really didn't want to know which it was, and breezed through without comment. Eremy ogled the car a while before getting in, and Jereth didn't discourage him. It was his one real extravagance, and he enjoyed showing it off to an appreciative audience. Even here in the suburbs, most people contented themselves with tiny, hyper-efficient, easily configured “scooterboxes”, not wanting to bother with the special training, licensing, and upkeep requirements involved in operating a real passenger vehicle. "Want to go get a snack before we head home?" he Of One Mind - 6

offered, as he slotted his ident into the console and thumbed the engine to life. "Sure!" Eremy was fourteen, and therefore perpetually hungry. Besides, it afforded him the chance to be seen riding in the car. Jereth pulled out of the school parking lot, and Eremy leaned forward to wave to a pair of girls climbing into an orange scooterbox no more than a third the size of Jereth's car. The girls watched them turn out into the main road, then dove into their vehicle and put their heads together. Eremy twisted in his seat to watch them. Teenagers hadn't changed much in the last twenty years, either, Jereth thought, stifling his grin. "Your mom tells me you've picked up a new class," Jereth said as they left the school behind. "Yeah," Eremy agreed. "I've finally Awakened." "Finally? Fourteen's a perfectly respectable age for it, you know. I was nearly sixteen, myself." Eremy shrugged awkwardly. "Dahv and Shan got it last semester. And almost all the girls, of course. I thought it would never come on." Jereth chuckled as he turned into the snack bar. "It does seem that way, I know. I'd forgotten how all the girls went first." Eremy eyed him sidelong. "What's your range?" Of One Mind - 7

Jereth groaned. "Are you worried about that already?" He'd forgotten about this part of it, too. Adolescent boys were self-conscious and competitive over the stupidest things, like when your telepathy would Awaken, and what your range would be. But then, adolescent boys weren't known for their superior logical ability. They were probably still snapping each other with towels in the locker room, too, and covertly comparing their dicks, and telling lies about bypassing the safety protocols on their parents’ scooterboxes. Jereth was glad his closest school friend had been a girl. Maybe Eremy needed some girl friends, too. "Your range won't settle for years, yet. Why worry about it now?" "Dahv can Feel without contact, already, though!" That was unusual. As a rule, telepathy first manifested about a year into puberty, and for most of the first year, it was limited to contact-range, and only the topmost layer of thoughts, the most easily controlled -- the Veil. Around the time physical puberty was ending, the second level of access would develop, to the Vault, which harbored the deeper, less conscious thoughts and emotions. At this time as well, the range -- the physical distance that could be crossed -- would settle, somewhere between three and six feet. And several years beyond that -- usually eight years from First Awakening -- came the Final Awakening, formation of the deepest level of mental access. That level had no name, being accessible only to the one other soul in the world that it was made for. And once you'd found your mate and sealed the mental bond, there was no need for a name, and no turning back. Once mates had been bound together, no distance or shield could keep them apart. Of One Mind - 8

Jereth gave some thought to Eremy's fast-developing friend as they pulled into the snack bar and placed their orders. Eremy ordered enough food for any two of Jereth's meals. "Well, you did say Dahv had crossed the First Veil last semester," Jereth finally mused. "It's no sign of an impressive range, though. It might just mean that his mate is older than him, and he's hurrying to catch up." It was fairly well-accepted telepathology theory that there was a tenuous, undetectable connection between mates even before they were bound, and that their mental maturity rates tended to skew to bring them together as soon as possible. Physical ages might place mates as far apart as twelve years, but Jereth had only twice encountered mated pairs who had completed their Final Awakenings more than eight years apart. Jereth's suggestion did not seem to make Eremy feel any better about his friend's rapid development. He slumped in his seat, despondent with the impatience of youth. "Eight more years until I can find my mate," he groaned, so overcome by the awful distance of the future that even the appearance of their food failed to cheer him. "Give or take," Jereth said, amused. "Your mother's First Awakening was two years before mine, but she only reached Final a month ahead of me." "Well, I'm definitely not doing the slow search, like you," Eremy said. "I couldn't stand the wait!" "You have no romance in your soul," Jereth retorted. He curled his hands around the warm cup of tea and watched Eremy scarfing down his food. Of One Mind - 9

"Why do you do the slow search, anyway? If you'd had your mate located when you finished Final, your kids would already be my age." "Nearly, I suppose. You're assuming I'd have had children right away, like your parents did. And that my mate would have been ready and waiting for me when I reached Final. I might have just lost ten years going back to the priests every year and wasting my money on a 'no answer.'" "It's not that much money," Eremy said stubbornly. "And your mate has to be Awakened by now. So why don't you go to the priests?" Jereth tried not to squirm. He'd been wondering the same thing, himself, these last couple of years. "Because it's not about the money, or the surety of it," he answered, uncomfortably aware that his argument lacked much of the conviction it had held five years ago. "In fact, it's as much about the search as it is about the finding. It's the adventure of it! The uncertainty of knowing -- will the next mind I touch be the One?" "It sounds kind of gross, to me," Eremy said. "Letting a bunch of strangers into your Vault, just because one of them might be your mate?" "It's not that random," Jereth argued. "I don't just throw open the doors to random passersby. I want to meet someone, to like her for herself, to fall in love first -- and then discover that it was meant to be." Eremy licked salt and grease from his fingers and gave Jereth a dubious look. "But then if she's not your mate, Of One Mind - 10

what happens? And what if your mate is someone you wouldn't pick first? Like... What if-- if Shan was my mate, right? But I spent all my time going after Dahv? But then we, um, you know. Try it. And so then we know we're not mates, and we've wasted all that time, and I wouldn't even know that the right person was right there, waiting for me. How is that romantic?" Jereth hid his grin in the last swallow of his tea, and wondered if Mara knew that her son had a crush on his best friend. It was always the other boys, first, Jereth reflected: girls were simply too alien and incomprehensible to risk approaching at this age. And the worst of it was, the kid was more right than he knew. Jereth had been growing steadily more and more tired of the search. When he'd been young, he had thrown open his Vault to anyone else who professed to be on the slow search, and it had been exactly as distasteful as Eremy imagined. Jereth had been bored with the meaningless sex and tired of the skin-crawling sensation of ill-fitting mental matches even before the disaster that had made him reconsider his approach. It had seemed illogical, to retreat to the imperfect mating strategies of the Blind Ages, at first, but what choice did he have? The alternative was to open his mind to the priests -and who knew what they'd do, when they knew of the threat that lurked in his mind? Eremy was not the one to burden with such black thoughts, however. "You're fourteen; what do you know of romance?" Jereth scoffed as they returned to the car and pulled away from the snack bar. "The raging hormones Of One Mind - 11

don't leave any room for it." He glanced over at Eremy with a grin, and was surprised to see that the boy was frowning, as if he'd been hoping for a serious answer. Jereth sighed. "Look... How far into the history of the Great Awakening are you?" Eremy sighed with the heartfelt frustration of an adolescent surrounded by the pure idiocy of adults. "I know about the Blind Ages," he said. "They had to guess who their mates were just by... I dunno, guessing or something." "Well, I suppose it was too much to expect a First Awakening class to cover the courtship methods of the Blind Ages," Jereth admitted. He considered how best to explain it as they waited for a short parade of bright yellow training scooterboxes to file across the road behind the green teacher’s ‘box they were slaved to. Jereth had hated the “baby duck” class -- it was one of the things that had spurred him to attempt to qualify for a real car. Eremy, he realized, was trying very hard to be casual about the way he followed the trainees’ progress, and Jereth grinned as he spotted the particularly handsome boy in the tail car. "Look. Even before your Awakening, you were, ah, attracted to some of your classmates, right?" Eremy scrunched down in his seat, embarrassed. "Some, I guess. But that's just... you know, physical!" "Well, of course. That's what hormones are for. In the Blind Ages, it's most of what they had to go on. They just had to hope the other person felt enough of a returning attraction to accept them. They'd be bound as mates, without ever knowing if they actually were." Of One Mind - 12

Eremy looked both repulsed and fascinated. "But if they weren't true mates, wouldn't they snap?" Letting a person who wasn't your mate into your Vault was not pleasant, and if the same mismatched minds touched too often, they would eventually wear each other thin, until one of them finally broke from the stress. "It was the Blind Ages," Jereth reminded him. "No mental contact. So snapping was pretty rare, and usually due to other factors, like a base mental illness." "So what happened?" Jereth laughed. "Nothing, I suppose. They were bound as mates by law, but it wasn't what we think of as a mating. In the Blind Ages, if your mate died, you were probably very sad, but you'd survive it, eventually get over it, and possibly even take another mate." "Weird," Eremy pronounced. "Oh, yes. You could even change mates, or have more than one mate at one time, even. But that's not the best bit. Every once in a blue moon, a true-mated couple would find each other. Just from sheer statistical probability, you understand. And those couples formed some kind of protobond, despite the lack of true telepathy, that even the other Blinded people could recognize. They called it true love. "And that was the ideal. Everyone hoped to find their one true love. Of course, in the Blind Ages, it was just a saying. They didn't know that there really is only one mate for each of us. But somehow, they wanted it." Of One Mind - 13

"They must have been relieved when the Great Awakening happened," Eremy said as Jereth turned into his neighborhood. Eremy lived with his parents and four younger siblings in a comfortable suburban sprawl of a house. Jereth and Mara debated the relative pros and cons of suburban and city living so often that even the five-yearold twins could recite most of their points and counterpoints. "Maybe some of them. Most were horrified. There was no Goddess, no church, then. And suddenly the people they thought were their true loves turned out to have the most horribly uncomfortable minds. Like sandpaper rubbing, or worse, day after day -- they didn't even really know how to make shields, then -- until one of them finally snapped... One and only one mate in all the world, and no sure way to find them?" The Great Awakening had completely upset most of the world's social mores, as well: upset their old definitions of the family unit and what was an acceptable life-companion, but Jereth didn't think Eremy was quite ready to grasp that much cultural strangeness. "What with one thing and another," he hedged, "well, everything went completely mad for a while." "Until the priests came." "Until the priests," Jereth agreed reluctantly. "No one knows how the priests do what they do. Hundreds of telepathologists have studied it, but no one has been able to duplicate it." "What do they do?" Everyone knew that the priests' telepathic abilities were unlike anyone else's, and that they could find your mate for you, anywhere in the world, as Of One Mind - 14

long as your mate had been registered with the church, but most people were content not to wonder why, or how. "Priests don't shield. They're open all the time." Jereth laughed outright at Eremy's disbelieving stare. "You hadn't heard that before? I'm not making it up. Now that you've Awakened, I'm sure you'll see it first-hand, sooner or later." The priests themselves insisted that they were each mated to their Goddess, who linked them to each other and protected their unshielded minds from the dangers of constant mental contact, but that sort of mystical nonsense made Jereth irritable. There was no denying what they did - but he refused to believe in the intervention of a divine being. He worked for a telepathology research company, and was confident that eventually the secret would be unlocked, even if it took several more lifetimes. "There are some who believe that the priesthood is its own mating -that all priests are mated to all other priests. It would explain a lot about how they can do what they do -- but it ought to be impossible. No one's ever found any other kind of multiple mating." "That's so cool, Uncle Jereth!" Eremy enthused. "Wait 'til I tell the guys! They'll flip! The teachers never tell us the really good stuff!" He moved on to chattering about other subjects, relieved to have finally grasped that fleeting adolescent prize: something with which to impress the other boys. Jereth smiled wanly. He'd distracted Eremy from quizzing him about his reasons for the slow search -- but the effort had only redoubled his own doubts. Was he only clinging to his reasons from sheer stubbornness and embarrassment? Of One Mind - 15

Chapter Two Caris woke all at once, his heart pounding. He was alone on the narrow bed. Sunlight still slanted through the cracks in the window. He hadn't slept more than a few hours, then. He let out his breath with a whuff and dropped his head back to the mattress. It wouldn't do to go back to sleep, though. He only had an hour or so left before Tovvy would be expecting him. He sighed and sat up, scooping his shirt off the floor. "Ramie?" He'd pulled it off over his head rather than bother with the buttons, so he had to turn it right side out and untangle the sleeves before pulling it on. There was a new tear on the back. Probably from that first job this morning, when he'd had to crawl into the vents to get to a faulty fan. Caris sighed and wondered if he could patch it before Tovvy noticed. He stood, the shirt's hem flapping around his thighs. Where were his pants? He hadn't been paying attention when Ramie had tossed them aside, and in the studied disarray that was Ramie's room, finding them could-- Ah, there they were. Caris pulled them on, holding the baggy waist with one hand while he looked for his belt. "Ramie!" "You could've slept another hour. I'd have woke you up in time," Ramie said crossly. He came into the room, a mug of tea cradled in his hands. He'd pulled on a pair of shorts in deference to the possibility of scalding water sloshing out of the mug, but was otherwise still undressed and disheveled, as if he couldn't feel the bite of autumn in the air. Ramie wasn't much taller than Caris, but somehow Caris was always slightly startled when he realized it anew. Of One Mind - 16

In his mind, Ramie towered over him. "It's because you were such a short little shit when you first met me," Ramie said as he settled onto the bed. Caris frowned at him. "I didn't say that out loud. Damn it, Ramie, our shields--" "I told you it was going to start being a problem," Ramie interrupted. "Long as we've been together, it's a wonder I haven't snapped already and murdered half of Little Town." He sipped his tea thoughtfully, as if pondering the best plan for his inevitable murderous rampage, then turned his sharp green eyes on Caris. "No more sex until the shields are firm again," he said sternly. "I know, I know. You're so sure you'd be the one to snap first?" Caris asked, sitting beside him and reaching for the mug. The tea tasted the way Ramie's mind felt -- scalding and acerbic at first taste, then warm and dry and very slightly sweet underneath. Caris took a second swallow. The bitterness lingered on his tongue, but it was a flavor he'd learned to appreciate. "Give me that. Go make your own if you want tea! Of course I'm going to snap first. You've got hope to cling to, still." "Hope," Caris grumbled. "I'm almost thirty already." Ramie scoffed. "Yes, indeed. Bowed under the weight of your advanced years -- all, what, twenty-six? twentyseven? of them. Shit, am I really forty already? Might as well just check into the senility ward." Of One Mind - 17

Caris refused to be diverted. "I've been fully Awake and registered for five years already, Ramie. Why hasn't my mate found me yet?" "He's not Awake yet himself?" "You said when I came through so fast that it meant he was probably ahead of me!" "I could have been wrong. No one knows these things for sure." Ramie was grasping at straws. Through their stilltattered shields, Caris could feel his frustration and apprehension. "Maybe he's as poor as we are and still trying to raise the fee, too." Caris scowled obstinately, rubbing at the patchy stubble on his cheek. "That doesn't offer a lot of hope, either," he pointed out. "What if he's in some place as bad as Little Town?" "I can't imagine any place in the world being as bad as Little Town," Ramie said. "If only because it wouldn't have Tovvy." That was a fair point, at least. Caris’ half-brother Tovvy was his biggest reason for wanting to leave Little Town in the first place. "But--" "Stop borrowing trouble," Ramie growled. "Whatever his reason, your mate hasn't come looking yet. So you keep saving up whatever you can hide from Tovvy, and you find him yourself. He's out there, Caris. Waiting for you. Being mated doesn't solve all your problems, but it does give you Of One Mind - 18

a partner. Someone you can really count on, someone who loves you. Someone with a vested interest in getting you the hell out of Little Town and out from under Tovvy's thumb." Caris smiled at his irascible lover and trailed his fingers down Ramie's shoulder. "Someone like you, Ramie?" Ramie patted his hand, and Caris could not be entirely sorry for the damage to their shields that let him feel Ramie's burst of affection. "Except for the part where my shields finally fall apart completely and I snap and murder half of Little Town, sure." Ramie gulped at his tea again and scratched at the wiry, graying hair on his chest. "Not that most of them wouldn't deserve it." *** Mara looked up as Jereth handed her a glass of wine. "Thank you, darling," she said, taking a grateful sip. "I love my children, but I swear, they're trying to drive me into an early grave." Jereth laughed as he settled into a deep, soft chair. "It does astonish me, how quiet the house seems after they're in bed." Amon, Mara's mate, chuckled. "You'll have your own one day," he warned, "and you'll be that much older and tireder. Is that a word?" "How should I know? You're the teacher," Jereth protested. "I teach science, not languages," Amon said. "Speaking of Of One Mind - 19

which, I have a stack of labs left to review. I'll leave you two to your chat." He picked up Mara's hand and kissed her fingers. Mara's eyes turned vague and dreamy as she and Amon exchanged some private thought. Though it was impossible to intrude on a mated couple's communication, Jereth politely closed his shields and looked away, letting the flickering fire hypnotize him until Amon had left the room. "The day might be sooner rather than later," he said, before she could speak again. "How's that?" Jereth didn't have to look at his oldest friend to see the bright spark in her eyes. Just inside his range, he could feel the crackle of excitement and hope escaping her Veil. "I've been thinking of abandoning the slow search," he said. Surprise shot across Mara's outer thoughts, though she would never say she'd told him so, or otherwise gloat at his abrupt and late-coming change of direction. Mischief she harbored in plenty, but she didn't have a mean bone in her body. "Why now?" "I started thinking about it when you told me last week about Eremy's Awakening," he said slowly. "It just doesn't seem possible that it's been that long. But there he is. Practicing his shielding and trying to work up the nerve to talk to girls. And here I am, still unmated..." Mara's thoughts acquired a twist of apprehension. "You haven't been letting him touch you, have you?" Of One Mind - 20

Jereth looked at her directly, pulling his shields back inward to hide the sudden jab of pain. "It's only Veil shielding exercises, Mara. I'm sure I can't hurt him at this level." "I'm not worried about you hurting Eremy, idiot," she said, frowning. "Weren't you listening to me, the other night? Eremy's projective empathy scores are practically off the charts. He's always been persuasive, but if you're not careful, he'll turn you to putty in his hands. And he's so impatient to grow up now. Are you sure he's not just accidentally pushing his desires onto you?" Jereth paused, then sheepishly relaxed his shields again. He considered his resolve, poking at it from several sides. "I'm fairly sure," he said. "It doesn't feel like Eremy, or teenage hormones. It just feels like me. I don’t mind being alone, but lately I’ve been lonely. And I've wasted so much time already. Maybe she's in danger or something. I don't know." "I still don't know about this mystical pre-Awakening bond." "Because it's so much harder to believe than the Goddess, of course." "Don’t be an idiot, Jereth." A roil of annoyance crossed Mara's Veil. She was no longer the unblinkingly devout worshiper she had been raised to be, and Jereth's lack of belief had ceased to shock her before they'd Awakened, themselves -- but she did not tolerate disrespect. "Sorry," Jereth sighed, letting her see his chagrin. "I'm just Of One Mind - 21

nervous. I haven't opened my Vault for a priest since my Final Awakening was verified. And certainly not since that... incident. What are they going to see in there?" "Oh, darling." Mara reached across the space between them and took Jereth's hand, amplifying the wash of her compassion. "There's nothing wrong with you." "You weren't there." "No. I can't even imagine how horrible it must have been, Jereth. But you saw three expert 'pathologists, and none of them found anything out of alignment. No sickness, no 'pathological conditions." "Priests look at things differently. Belief or not, I can't argue with their results. They might--" "The priests are there to help us, Jereth. You're not a danger to anyone." "Tell that to the man I destroyed." "He'd snapped, Jereth. He did it to himself." They'd had this conversation before, in dozens of variants. Much as Jereth appreciated Mara's unflagging support, she hadn't experienced that aching lunge his mind had made, before his would-be assailant had fallen. He squeezed her hand gently and flooded her with affection, knowing she could sense his lingering doubts. "It's just nerves, dear heart," he said, hoping it was the truth. "I'll go see them soon, before I can talk myself out of Of One Mind - 22

it, and then at least I'll know."

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Chapter Three Caris paused, listening, and then climbed into the attic. Carefully, he pulled the ladder in after him and shut the trapdoor. It slipped from his fingers with a dull thud, and he cringed at the noise. He froze, counting heartbeats, until he was certain Tovvy wasn't coming to investigate. The building was silent and still, and eventually Caris released a sigh of relief. The attic was full of junk, mustysmelling and hot, but it was as safe as any place in Little Town could be. No one else in their building cared about this old storage space, long since emptied of any items that might have been of value, so Caris had turned it into his secret haven. An old blanket that had once been blue and green but now was gray and yellow served as a rug. A broken trunk made a makeshift shelf for half a dozen books in various states of disrepair and damage. Caris had read all of them several times, even the two that were missing pages. For decoration he had a jar that had been clumsily painted by childish hands, and a lopsided vase. Caris emptied his pockets onto the old blanket and considered the day's earnings. It had been a relatively good day: he'd run a courier job, coaxed another few weeks of life out of Jevver's decrepit old scooterbox, and then figured out the problem with the generator in the Third South building, which he was almost certain could be repaired, if he could get his hands on the right tools. That job wouldn't pay until he'd finished it, of course, but the others had. The question was, how much could he safely keep? He'd need a few marks for food. And another few for his escape fund... could he get away with half? It would make Tovvy's share dangerously small, but he had the Of One Mind - 24

unfinished job as an excuse, and it would bring him that much closer to escape. Escape... He barely dared to dream of it. His hopes had been dashed too often. Tovvy had been a bully even when they were children, when their mother had still been alive to hold him in check. After her death, he'd become one of the most feared men in Little Town. Unlike most of Little Town’s residents -- malnourished, underfed, and bowed by hopelessness -- Tovvy was massive, so tall he had to duck through doors, with a matching breadth of shoulder and chest. A youth spent fighting amongst Little Town’s street gangs should have left him with scars, but his face was perfectly unmarred, which was eerily unnerving, even when Tovvy was in a good mood. Some perverse sense of familial duty kept him from destroying Caris entirely, but he held Caris -- even more than the rest of Little Town -- in an iron grip of pain and terror. Five years ago, shortly after Ramie had talked him into registering his Final Awakening with Little Town's lone priest, Caris had tried to run away. It had ended disastrously. Enraged, Tovvy beat Caris to within an inch of his life, leaving him with a broken arm, two broken ribs, a shattered collarbone, and dozens of lesser injuries. The mental brutality he'd inflicted was even worse. It had been two years before Caris had even been willing to listen to Ramie's talk of escape, and another year before he began to put together his fund. This time would be different, Ramie had promised. He would save up his marks for the full search service. Mere identification was cheapest, but what good was it if you had no way to contact them? With the full service, his mate Of One Mind - 25

would not only be located but contacted, brought face-toface with Caris through the priests' offices and the grace of the Goddess, so that they could plan their escape. With his mate's help -- a mate hopefully unknown not only to Tovvy but to all of Little Town -- Caris would be able to disappear entirely, leaving this place with all its ugliness and horror behind. Caris' throat closed, and he had to swallow hard before he could breathe again. Leaving Little Town and Tovvy meant leaving Ramie, as well. It wasn't fair. Maybe they weren't a perfect match, but Caris loved Ramie nonetheless. He didn't want to abandon Ramie to Little Town. But it was Ramie who'd made the escape plan and talked Caris into it. Had insisted upon it, just like it had been Ramie who had made Caris go to the priest to be registered as Fully Awakened in the first place. Most Little Town residents didn't bother with the Goddess or the search, living alone or with their unAwakened children. But Ramie had sent Caris to the priest, and nagged him to find work to keep his stuttering escape fund growing, and kept Caris from giving up. Sometimes it seemed that Ramie's sole living ambition was to see Little Town empty of Caris. His vision blurred, and Caris blinked furiously. Neither Tovvy nor Ramie approved of crying. Tears didn't solve anything, Ramie said. Tovvy found other, more painful ways to make his displeasure known. Caris scrubbed furiously at his eyes with his sleeve, stared up at the ceiling, hummed under his breath, and tried every other trick he'd learned to stop tears before they fell -- but the blur continued to spread, threatening to blot out his vision entirely. Caris realized belatedly that no moisture had collected on his sleeve and that his eyes were still dry. Of One Mind - 26

A splotch formed in front of his eyes like the afterimage of a lightning strike. It resolved into a ghost, vaguely manshaped. Caris knew what it had to be. He put his hand over his chest to stop his heart from pounding straight through his ribcage. "Two bodies, of one mind," the ghost intoned, its voice as sexless and transparent as its body. "Will you meet your mate?" Caris could barely make his tongue move, though he nodded frantically. "Yes," he finally gasped. "Oh, please." The attic was gone, replaced by a pale blur. The ghost... stretched. Its arms lifted and fused, and stretched more, and the ghost was gone, replaced by a glowing white pillar that reached unendingly upward and, unnervingly, unendingly downward as well. There was nothing else to see. Caris wondered what his mate would look like. Tall or short, thin or broad? Dark or fair? Luxurious curls, satinsmooth tresses, or the neat simplicity of a bare scalp? Voice high or low? And what would he say with it? A thrill of excitement and apprehension shivered Caris' spine. It seemed to be taking a long time. Was this normal? Caris didn't know enough about how teleprojection worked. He didn't know any mated couples well enough to ask them about it -- and even if he did, who in Little Town would have been crazy enough to waste good marks on the 'projection service? The school had closed before Caris had gotten to advanced 'pathology. Was this delay because of a great physical distance to cross? He shivered again. What if Of One Mind - 27

his mate couldn't afford to help him? What if his mate was as poor as he was? What if he was stuck in Little Town, too, or some place just as desperate? What if they didn't speak the same language and couldn't make the needed plans? Minds couldn't touch through teleprojection... Stop it! It could be worse. You're finally meeting your mate! Try to at least look happy about it. Caris rubbed at his eyes again and was suddenly horrified to realize he looked just the same as always. He ran his fingers through his hair and winced at the tangles. In the movies, 'projected people were always ethereal and beautiful, no matter what they'd looked like before. But Caris looked just like always: scruffy and skinny, half-lost in one of Tovvy's castoff shirts, covered in grease and grime from the day's work. His eyes were probably red from suppressing tears. At least he'd shaved that morning, but his mate would probably take one look at him and run screaming. He wiped his hands on the tails of his shirt and then frantically tried to comb out his hair with his fingers, but his panic seemed to make the tangles worse. Another column had appeared in the fog surrounding him, and he ripped at his hair, heedless of the pain. A dark blur grew out of nothingness beside the pillar and began to grow into solidity. Caris straightened his shirt, tried to brush off the worst of the dirt and grease. The dark blur was resolving quickly into a man. He was taller than Caris by at least a head, and broad through the shoulders. The face formed, masculine and strong, framed by neat, dark locks. His skin was fair but tanned. Thick Of One Mind - 28

eyebrows nearly met over startlingly rich blue eyes. There were fine wrinkles around those eyes, and more at the corners of his mouth. He was more handsome than Caris had dared to hope for. No, he was more than handsome. He was breathtaking. If Caris had seen him on the street, he would have tripped over his own feet, staring. Not that they would have ever met on the streets of Little Town. Caris had trouble gauging wealth beyond Little Town standards, but his mate's clothes were far too fine to have ever been anywhere near Little Town or any other slum. Caris felt even more shabby by comparison. He crossed his arms uncertainly over his chest, trying to hide the stains and patches. He looked back up at his mate's face, trying to gauge the reaction in those perfect, summersky eyes. Neither of them had spoken. Caris smiled nervously. "Hello." Caris' mate frowned, looked around as if searching for someone, and then looked back at Caris. "There's some mistake," he said slowly. "You can't be my mate. You're not a woman." *** Jereth cursed himself for nine kinds of fool. He had begun to believe their promises. He had begun to feel hope. Unfocused, the projection still incomplete, the shape before him had been so promising: slender and delicate, with long, tawny blonde hair. Jereth had even acknowledged a quiver of excitement: his mate, at long last! And then the image had sharpened into... this boy. Was he Of One Mind - 29

even old enough to be mated? Was this some horrible miscarriage of a joke? Jereth realized he'd been cursing aloud. He snapped his mouth shut and turned his glare on the placid pillar of the 'projector. He shoved at it, but it did not budge. He pushed harder, even struck it. "Come on. This isn't funny." He kicked the pillar, suddenly angry. "You've made a mistake!" Behind him, the boy gasped softly, made a muffled cough. Jereth turned to see that he was leaning against his own pillar, his face tipped up to the not-sky, hazel eyes stretched wide. Trying not to cry, probably. Idiot, he accused himself. Of course the boy had gotten excited when the 'projection link was established. He'd thought he was about to meet the most important person in his life. And instead, he'd been stuck with this mistake -with Jereth. Try to have a little compassion. "It's not your fault," he tried. "I'm not mad at you." The boy's shoulders hunched slightly, but otherwise he gave no indication of having heard. Jereth sighed and took a few steps forward. "They made a mistake. Or-- or maybe it was my fault. Maybe I didn't let the priest dig deep enough. I'm sorry you got caught up in it." He put a hand on the boy's shoulder, which was even thinner than Jereth would have guessed. The boy flinched violently, then immediately looked up apologetically. His eyes were red-rimmed and puffy from the suppressed tears, making their hazel shift toward green. "I don't-- Please--" He was so upset, he couldn't even talk. Of One Mind - 30

Jereth irritably suppressed a feeling of guilt. "Look-- what's your name?" "Caris." It was barely a whisper. "Caris, then. Look, Caris. None of this is your fault. I don't know what went wrong. I'm sure you're a wonderful person, and that you will find your mate soon, and you'll be very happy together. It's just not me." Caris gave Jereth a look that was half-plea, half-challenge. "It could be, couldn't it? We could meet, and give it a try." Jereth couldn't suppress a shudder. Open his mind to someone he didn't even know? No. Absolutely not, never again, no matter what the priests said. "This is really a mistake. I'm sorry, I really am." Caris didn't answer. He pulled away and sat against his 'projection anchor, wrapping his arms around his knees and withdrawing into his own thoughts in a way that somehow made Jereth feel even more of an ass than before. Irritable with the situation and his own inability to cope with it, Jereth stamped back over to his pillar to wait for the 'projectors to end contact. *** Apparently, time passed differently in teleprojection. When Caris blinked away the last of the transitional blur and could focus on the attic again, everything was exactly as it had been. Even the slant of sunlight through the cracks in the boarded-over window had barely shifted. Though they Of One Mind - 31

had waited in awkward, pain-charged silence for what seemed like hours, nothing outside had changed. It was almost as if the entire encounter had never happened. If only that was true, Caris thought bitterly. In those few moments, everything had changed. His plans were in tatters, his future uniformly grim, his carefully hoarded cash all but worthless. He snatched up the day's marks and stuffed them back into his pockets. Let Tovvy take it all. What did it matter? He was never going to escape Little Town. Numbly, he climbed back down out of the attic. It was cooler below. A breeze ruffled his hair, drying the sweat on his temples. "So, that's it." Caris twisted so fast that he nearly fell off the ladder. Tovvy stood in the hallway, his heavy arms crossed over his chest. "Thought I was sleeping, didn't you?" he sneered. "Get off that ladder." He straightened and peered up through the hatchway. "That where your stash is?" "S-stash?" Caris pulled his mental shields tighter, scant protection though they were. "Don't play dumb," Tovvy snapped. "You've been holding out on me. It'll go easier if you tell me where it is." "It's not yours." Oh, Goddess, had he said that? Out loud? Tovvy's darkening face seemed to suggest that he had. Caris saw stars and belatedly realized he had been slammed Of One Mind - 32

into the wall. "That's two, now," Tovvy said against his ear, dangerously soft. His arm pressed so heavily on Caris' chest that he could barely breathe. "Don't make it three. Mama told me to take care of you, didn't she?" Caris closed his eyes. He barely remembered their mother any more, though sometimes he thought he could still feel her gentle mental caress. "Yes, Tovvy," he said, dutifully. "She tell you it was okay to hold out on me?" Tovvy shoved sharply, and Caris bit back a yelp as his head hit the wall again. He managed to gasp out, "No, Tovvy," before his brother could bounce his head off the wall a third time. "I need that money to take care of you, don't I?" "Sure, Tovvy." "Now tell me where you've been hiding what you stole from me." Caris swallowed. "In-- in the painted jar," he whispered. "Under the dried flowers." "Do I need you to drop your shields so I can check it?" "No," Caris whimpered. "Please, Tovvy, I'm telling the truth." Tovvy's mind was no more gentle than his fists. Tovvy released Caris, finally. "Stay right there," he rumbled. "I'm going to get the money, and then you'll get what's coming to you. You try to hide from me..." He Of One Mind - 33

trailed off threateningly. Caris had no trouble interpreting that. Caris nodded his miserable assent and opened his eyes to watch his brother climb the ladder into the attic. It didn't matter if Tovvy took the money. It hardly mattered that Tovvy was going to beat him. There was no escape, was there? Caris had finally met his mate -- he could still feel the gentle warmth of his mate’s touch -- and his mate had rejected him. He hadn't even learned the man's name. Caris fell to his knees. A harsh, wracking sob tore from his lungs, and then another. It would likely earn him an extra few bruises -- Tovvy did not approve of tears -- but no matter. No beating could ever match the pain in his heart or the emptiness in his mind.

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Chapter Four "You are such an idiot, Jereth Collier." "I know. I don't know why I even bothered trying it." "That's not what I mean, and you know it." Mara gave him a hard stare, her mental contact shivering with impatience. "That poor boy must be completely heartbroken." "Now that's taking it a bit far," Jereth protested. "Disappointed, maybe, but heartbroken? You've been reading too many romances." "What do you think this is -- the Blind Ages?" Mara countered. "When you're about to meet your mate, you fall in love before you even see them!" "I didn't." Even to his own ears, it sounded petulant -- and perhaps not altogether truthful. He remembered the thrill he'd felt at first. "You're hardly typical," Mara said. "Darling, trust me. You broke the boy's heart. You owe him." "Wait, now! How do I owe for the priests' mistake?" Mara snorted. "Because even if it was their mistake, they're not going to apologize for it unless you go prove them wrong." She was so shocked and annoyed with him, apparently, that her shields were uneven. Jereth felt her irritation at his obstinacy and scowled. He tightened his own shields, shutting her out. If she noticed, Mara didn't comment. "Besides," she continued, unabashed, "you need Of One Mind - 35

a date for Eremy's party." "Since when does an Awakening party need a date?" "Since now, Jereth," Mara snapped in a tone Jereth knew all too well. "You did save the infosheet, didn't you? Hand it over so I can write him an invitation, and then you can deliver it. Without being a complete ass, if you can possibly manage it." When Mara decided to be stubborn, she was as immovable as stone. Jereth reminded himself that it was precisely this unabashed candor that made Mara his dearest friend, even if he didn't always want to hear it. He sighed and dug in his pocket to retrieve the crumpled plastisheet the priests had pressed on him while they had been ignoring his protests and objections. Mara took it and gently smoothed it flat, sparing him another glare for his cavalier treatment of what most couples treated as a precious relic of their courtship. "Caris Meghlin," she read. "Pretty name. These coords look fairly close by. Did you even look at it?" "Not really, no." Jereth looked over her shoulder. "Farther out from here than my apartment," he calculated thoughtfully, "but not much. In the city, maybe, or out on the other side. Two or three hours away, I'd guess." "Good." Mara opened her desk and pulled a card from a cubby, writing a note on it in her easy, strong hand. She sealed it in an envelope, wrote Caris' name on the front, and offered it to Jereth. "You'll want to deliver it soon," she said pointedly, "so he has plenty of time to prepare." Of One Mind - 36

"The party's not for another week," Jereth said, but he took the envelope, uncomfortably aware that he sounded sullen and juvenile. *** Ramie listened in silence as Caris poured out the tale, interrupting only to nudge Caris to drink his tea or lift his arms for the bandages. "I haven't ever heard of the church making a wrong match before," he said, when Caris had finally fallen silent. He split open the spent teabags and applied the still-warm mush to the worst of the younger man's wounds. "What does he think this is, some sort of fucking movie?" Caris could feel Ramie's irritation leaking past their shields. He ought to warn Ramie, or tighten his own shields, but instead he gathered it close: at least someone cared. "It doesn't matter, Ramie," he lied. "Maybe it was a mistake, somehow. He was so sure it would be a woman, he wouldn't even consider me. Who ever heard of a match that wasn't any good in the bedroom?" He tried not to imagine that broad-shouldered body stripped of its fine clothes and stretched over him. Ramie noticed his flush, and snorted. "You're in no shape for bed games, anyway," he said. "Hold still so I can seal this bandage." "Doesn't matter anyhow," Caris sighed. "He didn't want me. Can't I stay with you? We'll be unmated together." Of One Mind - 37

"You know it doesn't work like that," Ramie said. "We've been together too long as it is. It's getting harder and harder to rebuild my shields after we go to bed, and even the casual contact is starting to itch. Anyhow, I couldn't protect you from Tovvy." "I know." Caris laid his head on his arms, but he was too tired to cry any more. "I don't even know why he keeps letting me come back to you." Ramie stroked Caris' hair gently. "Because this way he can use us to control each other," he said. "We have to find your mate and get you out of this place." "It doesn't matter," Caris mumbled sleepily. "He doesn't want me." "Don't be ridiculous," Ramie said gently. "Come on, let's get you to bed. You need rest to heal."

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Chapter Five Jereth stood outside the barrier and shuddered. He had been to the city often enough, living just on its outskirts, but never anywhere near this district. "Little Town," the atlas had informed him, in letters of friendly green. "Little Town," snarled the smeared and dripping paint on the barrier, too close to the color of blood for Jereth's comfort. "KEEP OUT," it added, in case the barrier itself had not already delivered that message. Jereth took out his phone to check his location and compared the coords to Caris' infosheet. They nearly matched. Caris -- or at least the church where he'd been registered -- was less than a mile away. Jereth was not especially reassured. He looked up at the barrier again. It was the size of a long, narrow, windowless building, two stories high and dark iron gray. Jereth considered the ragged and ill-fitting clothes Caris had been wearing, the dark circles under his eyes, and his thin frame, in new light. To hell with Mara's games. He had to get Caris out of there simply because he could, because no one should have to live in such a place. "This isn't the place for sightseeing," said a gruff voice. A police car had pulled up behind his parked car. Two officers rode in the cruiser, male and female. It was the male who was speaking. "This is dangerous territory," he said, as if Jereth couldn't plainly see that. "Get back in your car, and we'll escort you back to civilization." "I can't," Jereth said. He held up his infosheet. Of One Mind - 39

"By the Goddess," the female officer swore. She held out her hand, and Jereth handed it to her. She examined its credentials and double-checked the coords. "That's Little Town, all right. Issued yesterday," she observed. "You're a bit old for a mating." Jereth shrugged irritably. "Wanted to try on my own first." "A romantic," she said, returning the sheet. "That's sweet. I wouldn't have guessed anyone in Little Town was sane enough to mate with, but if this was issued yesterday, there's a good chance they're tough enough -- or smart enough -- to have survived another day. Good luck." They drove away, leaving Jereth standing in the street, his request for aid only half-formed on his tongue and already tasting of acid. He turned back toward the barrier to discover that he had gained an audience while he'd been talking to the police. Three figures stood on top of the barrier. Two were men, by their facial hair. The third was less determinate, having a smooth face and a chest obscured by a large -- a very large -- gun. At least the gun was not pointed at him. Yet. His stomach roiled. Jereth slowly raised his hands to show they contained nothing more threatening than the infosheet. "That a priestpaper?" one of the men called down. "Yes," Jereth said. The man nudged the gunman. "Your true love's come for ya, Joey." Of One Mind - 40

"Fuck that," the gunman said. The voice was hoarse but female. "What's the name on your paper, loverboy?" "Caris Meghlin," Jereth said. No point in lying. They would take the infosheet if they wanted it. His only hope was to get through this interview without soiling himself. "Meghlin," the second man crowed. "What kind of shit is--" "Not Tovvy," Joey interrupted. Her eyes never left Jereth. "Clean out your ears. He said Caris. Open the gate." The first man whistled, long and low. "You going to tell Tovvy we let him just waltz in here and steal his brother?" "No," said Joey. "And neither are you." "Now, look," snapped the man, "I ain't about to--" Pop! Joey's eyes were still on Jereth, but her gun had shifted, ever so slightly. The first man froze mid-sentence, swayed for a heartbeat, and fell behind the barrier. Jereth nearly threw up. He managed to remain standing upright, somehow. Coolly, Joey's eyes shifted toward the second man. "Nor you, neither," she said. "No skin off my nose. Ramie'll be put out, though." "Ramie'll be fucking ecstatic," she said. "Open the Goddess-damned gate." It was more of a tunnel than a gate, and Jereth wasn't certain he dared enter. He didn't know if his shaking legs Of One Mind - 41

would take him so far. He thought of Joey's cold, precise stare, and knew he didn't dare hesitate. The tunnel zigged and zagged through the barrier, an uneven hallway unrelieved by crossing passages or doors, winding up and then down again. Even if the door was forced from the outside, it would be nearly impossible to penetrate. Jereth shivered and wondered if he would ever be allowed to leave, with or without the boy. Joey was waiting as he emerged into daylight. She was older than Jereth would have guessed, at least ten years older than himself, her face lined and her close-cropped hair more than half gray. The gun was pointing at him this time. The cold hand of fear crushed his esophagus, and he had to gasp for breath. She grinned widely. "Scared, loverboy?" "Yes." His hands were shaking too hard to fake bravado. "Good. Shows you're not stupid. I'll take you to Ramie. He'll know where you can find Caris. What you do after that, I don't want to know about, right? This gate will stay open until sundown. After that, you're on your own." Jereth glanced at the sun's position in the sky. It seemed eerily normal. He licked his lips and rasped, "Thank you." Joey snorted and started walking, quickly. They'd gone three blocks by the time Jereth worked up enough courage to ask, "Why?" Of One Mind - 42

"I knew their mama," she said shortly. "Barely had two thoughts to rub together, but she was a good girl. The kid oughta get a chance to make it out." She turned into an alley and knocked on a warped wooden door, then walked in without waiting for an answer. "Ramie? Ramie, where the fuck are you?" Jereth followed uneasily. The door opened into a tiny room filled nearly to overflowing with junk. It reeked of blood and chemicals and unwashed bodies. Jereth hovered near the door, though Joey pushed her way through the mess with apparent unconcern. "Ramie!" A man appeared from behind a curtain on the far wall. Jereth did not know what he'd been expecting, but whatever it was, this was not it. Ramie was almost as short as Mara, thin as a scarecrow, and looked to be around Joey's age, though it occurred to Jereth that he could not be sure how much of their age was measured in years and how much in hard living. Ramie's unkempt black hair stood up all around his head. His facial hair was turning gray, and he hadn't touched a razor for at least a week. His shoulders were stooped, but his green eyes blazed. He looked more than half insane, and Jereth double-checked his shields. If Ramie was surprised to find an outsider in his home, he hid it well. "Pay Joey and have a seat," he said, waving at a stool that somehow had escaped being piled with junk. Without waiting to see if Jereth would comply, he stepped past a half-wall into a cramped kitchenette. He shuffled a stack of fraying, waterlogged books and unearthed a pot. He filled it from a sputtering faucet and put it on the stove. Jereth slowly took out his wallet and turned toward Joey. Of One Mind - 43

"How much...?" "All of it," she said easily, and plucked the wallet from his fingers. She extracted the cash and tossed the rest onto a rickety table. "Nice doing business with you." She was gone before Jereth could think of a reply. Part of him was furious at the robbery; another part of him was grateful to merely escape with his skin intact. Ramie was busy at the stove, apparently absorbed in making tea. Jereth drew a breath. "So. I'm here because--" "Caris," Ramie interrupted brusquely. He lifted the teabags from the water, pressed out the excess water with his fingers, and dropped the bags into a cup. He poured the tea into two mugs and handed one to Jereth. "You're Caris' mate." "Jereth. My name is Jereth. Whatever he told you, it's wrong. The priests--" "Don't make that kind of mistake," Ramie said. "What are you doing here, if he's not good enough for you?" "I didn't say that! I'm telling you, it was a mistake. Is he even old enough to mate?" "He's twenty-seven, or near it. You're reaching for excuses. He wasn't what you thought you wanted, so you tossed him aside. Better unmated than attached to Little Town sewer scum like him, hm?" "No, I-- Who are you, anyway, to talk to me like this?" Jereth glowered. Of One Mind - 44

"His lover." Ramie sipped his tea, watching Jereth over the rim of his mug, his smile secretive. "You look jealous. Maybe you do want him." Jereth didn't know what to say, so he sipped the tea. It was vile. Jereth tried not to wonder the last time the pot had been cleaned, or what had been used for before Ramie had made tea in it. "Do you truly only bed women?" Ramie asked. He seemed to be serious. "Not... entirely," Jereth admitted. "Mostly, though." Ramie grunted. "It's never been anything but men for Caris," he said. "I don't think he ever even fooled around with girls as a kid. What made you so sure, then?" "It's been a long time since I've met a man I wanted," Jereth said with a shrug. "I figured that was the nascent bond nudging me in the right direction." Ramie smirked at him. "Maybe. Or maybe it was just making sure you wouldn't look at any men who weren't him." Jereth almost drank from his mug again, but the sharp smell of the tea reminded him of its horrible taste. He set it down and folded his arms instead. "Look, I didn't want to hurt him." Ramie shot him an irritated look, then sighed and finished the tea. "He's hurt worse than you know," he said. He stood Of One Mind - 45

and approached the curtained doorway from which he'd come. He pushed the cloth aside and gestured Jereth through. Slowly, Jereth's eyes adjusted to the dim light to discover Caris, sleeping face-down on a dingy cot, his tawny hair fanned around his head like a halo. He was naked, his back and thighs covered with bandages that were showing dark spots of blood. Jereth hissed with surprise and anger -- and then the anger was drowned by something uneasily close to guilt. "What happened?" "His brother." The barricade guards and Joey had mentioned the brother. "Tor-- No. Tovvy." Ramie nodded tightly and sat on the edge of the bed. Despite his close-held shields, Jereth could feel Ramie's shields waver as he tenderly brushed the hair from Caris' face, checking for fever with a soft touch. In a tangle of indignation and guilt and jealousy, Jereth realized that Ramie really did care for Caris -- and that they had been lovers for far too long. Ramie was terrifyingly close to snapping. Caris shifted at the older man's touch, but did not wake. Jereth felt dizzy. "This happened... because of me?" "Oh, not directly. Tovvy has been an utter shit ever since he was squirted out. You ask me, his empathy nodes are misrouted. But I doubt he found out about your little meeting yesterday. If he thought Caris was plotting to leave, he'd never let him out of his sight." Ramie began to Of One Mind - 46

peel the bandages away. Underneath were long red welts, more than half of them showing broken skin. Jereth felt queasy. Ramie picked up a bowl and a rag, and began to sponge off the cuts. "Caris is usually clever enough to stay out of Tovvy's way. Can't imagine why he would've let himself get caught and beat this bad unless he was seriously distracted -- or thought he didn't have anything to live for, anyhow." Ramie did not look up, but Jereth felt the weight of his disapproval. "He's got-- Look, I'm sorry. I didn't know it would be like this. I just-- what the hell is that?" Ramie had removed another bandage to reveal a scabrous, black mass. Ramie actually chuckled and began to pick at it with a fingernail. It came off in flakes and chunks to reveal a deep cut underneath. "It's called a poultice. Old, old remedy, dating back to the Blind Ages. Tea leaves, mostly. It helps stop bleeding and holds the skin together." "That needs stitches," Jereth growled. "And proper medical attention. What the fuck do you think you're playing at?" Ramie, surprisingly, did not take offense. "I'm the closest thing Little Town has to a doctor," he said mildly. "This isn't your world. I'm doing the best I can with what I have, but all I can do is keep the wounds clean. He's sedated right now, too, which is something I wouldn't do for too many others in this hellhole." Uncomfortable silence reigned while Ramie finished changing Caris' bandages. Finally, he stood and faced Of One Mind - 47

Jereth directly. "When he came to me, he was crying so hard he could barely breathe, and it wasn't from what Tovvy had done to him. It was for you. So I have to know, right now: if I let you take him, are you going to take care of him? Will you at least give it a chance?" Jereth looked down at Caris' sleeping face. Most people looked younger in their sleep, but somehow Caris seemed to have gained years -- maybe even enough to be the age Ramie claimed for him. The difference, he thought, was that Caris was no longer wearing a shirt laughably too large for his underfed frame. Or maybe it was the patchy stubble that had begun to appear on his jaw. Jereth still didn't feel any special connection to the younger man -- but he could not leave him here. He would risk the trial of it if he had to. "I will. You have my word."

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Chapter Six Wakefulness threatened, and Caris tried to ignore it. Everything had been so warm and comforting in his dreams. The air had been fresher, the bed softer, the pain forgotten. He had come back, taken Caris in his arms, and begged for forgiveness. They had kissed... And now he was awake, damn it. His back was sore and itchy, but not painful enough to dissuade his erection. He shifted his hips, trying to find a more comfortable position. His mouth and throat were parched, and he felt dizzy. Ramie's pills had never done that to him before. "Ramie...?" Blearily, Caris peeled open an eyelid -- and jerked halfupright in sudden shock. This was not Ramie's comfortable, cluttered room. Everything was too neat, too empty. The lights were dim, but they were everywhere, denying any escape or hiding place. The air smelled harsher and sharper and somehow sterile. His head spun, and his heart thudded. Where was he? Caris sat up, gingerly. He was sore, but not as much as he'd expected. The wounds Ramie had cursed felt tight and prickly, as if they were already beginning to heal. How long had he been out? He only remembered taking the one pill. He had to find out where he was. He stood up, and a wave of dizziness nearly felled him. He put a hand on the side of the bed for balance, closed his eyes, and panted. When it had passed, he stumbled a few steps to lean on the edge of a sink. The water ran clear and cold, so Caris used his hands Of One Mind - 49

for a cup. The water felt good in his dry throat, and he drank thirstily. The dizziness came and went in waves. One hand on the wall, Caris shuffled toward the window, hoping that even if he couldn't shift the blinds, there would be enough of a crack for him to spot a landmark. He'd only managed a few steps when there was a knock at the door. His heartbeat redoubled. He looked around again wildly, but there was nowhere to hide. Dark hair and summer-sky eyes peeked around the edge of the door. "You're awake! But you shouldn't be out of bed." Caris' mate came into the room and shut the door behind him. Caris could not move. He could barely breathe. It was a dream. It couldn't be real. Could it? His mate looked suddenly alarmed. "Hey, don't faint on me!" He crossed the room in a few steps, put his hands on Caris' shoulders, and gently guided him back to the bed. Caris looked down at his own hands, which were shaking uncontrollably. "I'm sorry," he managed to gasp. "No need," his mate said easily, helping him settle the blankets. "You're only half-healed, and they tell me you haven't had a decent meal in months. You're a little weak." "What-- Where--" "Shh, it's a shock, I know." Warm hands folded around his, soothing. "I'm Jereth, by the way. Jereth Collier." His eyes Of One Mind - 50

sparked with humor, and helplessly, Caris fell in love all over again. "I expect they'd find it a bit odd if you didn't know that. I had to give them some details about how we... met." Jereth. It was perfect. Caris cuddled the knowledge close to his heart. "This is a hospital. Some of your injuries were pretty severe. They admitted you last night, around midnight. It's mid-afternoon now. Are you hungry?" Caris hadn't spared much thought for his stomach, but once reminded, it made demands he could not ignore. "Starving." "Excellent." Jereth pressed a button that Caris hadn't seen before, and spoke to a woman who promised a meal would be sent in short order. A hospital? There were no hospitals in Little Town. Oh, Goddess, I'm out, finally out... "How did you--" "Caris, listen for a minute." Jereth took his hands again. "I don't want to hurt you, but I don't want to lie to you, either. I still... have my doubts about the match. I know it seems simple enough to test, but I don't want to love someone because I have to. I want to fall in love, and then discover that it's meant to be. Call it old-fashioned nonsense if you want, but that's how I am." The passion in his eyes was irresistible, but Jereth's shields were sealed and opaque to Caris' tentative mental touch. Even his Veil was immovable, leaking only the faintest hint Of One Mind - 51

of apprehension. Caris wanted to kiss him, to throw himself into Jereth's arms and promise to wait as long as it took. It was exactly the sort of overeager reaction Jereth wanted to avoid, he guessed. "It doesn't sound like nonsense," he said instead. "A little unusual, maybe. But... Does that mean--" He flushed and looked down at their clasped hands. "Does that mean I have a chance, after all?" Jereth sighed, barely audible. "I suppose so. I promised Ramie I would give it a chance, before he would let me take you." The breath caught in Caris' throat. Jereth had come for him. Jereth might have doubts, but deep down, he knew, after all. And Ramie knew. Ramie had blessed them, had let Jereth carry him away... Ramie, he thought suddenly. He would never see Ramie again, hadn't even said goodbye. Tears rose in his eyes, and Caris rubbed them away before they could fall, frustrated at how easily they came. "You really love him, don't you?" Jereth asked quietly. Caris nodded, vaguely ashamed. He had always known that Ramie could not be his mate. "All the more reason to take it slow," Jereth said softly. Caris did not understand, but he nodded. At least Jereth wasn't angry. "But we should probably let them think it's done and just not verified yet," Jereth said, indicating the hospital with a wave. "Done and sealed makes you a legitimate citizen and entitled to care, as my mate, even if you weren't in the system before. Otherwise-- Well, you don't have an ident card. It might be a little awkward, but--" Of One Mind - 52

"It's okay," Caris said quickly. It would be true, soon enough. The priests had not been wrong. There was hope, now, where there had been none. He would wait, and in the meantime, he could pretend. *** The nurse brought a tray piled high with food and several vitamin supplements. She watched Caris take the supplements, promised that another painkiller would follow the meal, and then left them again. Even infatuation faded before hunger, and Caris shifted his focus entirely to the food. Jereth didn’t mind. He had memorized the younger man's features as he slept the night before, but this was an opportunity to observe him, awake and relatively unguarded. Caris was smaller and thinner than any other man Jereth had been with, but some of that might be blamed on a lifetime of malnutrition. Certainly, his hands were calloused and strong, the rims of his fingernails stained from some manual labor despite the nurses' best efforts. The muscles in his arms were wiry but unmistakable. His skin was pale and soft, body hair so fine as to be nearly invisible. He no longer struck Jereth as indecently young, but he didn't look nearly as old as Ramie had claimed for him. His facial features were delicate, even beautiful. The line of his jaw, as it curved upward toward his ear, was especially tempting. Caris sensed his regard and paused in his meal, uncertain. "What is it?" Of One Mind - 53

Jereth hoped he wasn't blushing. "You need to shave," he improvised. "Your beard looks like it had a tragic accident with a pot of glue. Doesn't it ever even out?" Caris groaned and tried to cover his face. "No, it's horrible. I look like I have some sort of gruesome disease." "It's not quite that bad," Jereth laughed. "I'll bring you a razor, next time I come." "Thank you." Caris ate another few bites, then paused. "Jereth?" "Hm?" "What are--" Whatever Caris was going to ask was interrupted by the return of the nurse. She eyed the inroads Caris had made on the tray with approval and handed him a tiny cup with another pill in it. "It'll dull the pain," she explained, "and help you sleep. You need lots of rest." Caris obediently swallowed the pill. "Will you sit with me until I'm asleep?" he asked Jereth. "Oh, no you don't," the nurse said, wryly amused. "I've seen enough new-mated couples to know what that means. You need rest, not exercise." She caught Jereth's eye and jerked her head toward the door. "You could use some sleep, yourself. One kiss, and then you're going home for a while." Of One Mind - 54

And if they were going to maintain the fiction that they were mated, Jereth could not refuse that kiss. Trapped by his own lie, Jereth hesitated a moment, then leaned over the bed. Caris looked up eagerly, not bothering to hide his satisfaction. Jereth might have been annoyed by that smirk, but lifting his hands to Jereth's shoulders made Caris wince at some pain, and Jereth could not begrudge him at least a hint of pleasure. Caris met Jereth's kiss with half-open lips, and his hands tightened on Jereth's shoulders, shyly at first and then with passion. Quite suddenly, Jereth was overcome with an impish impulse. Might as well enjoy it. He brushed Caris' lips with his, light as a feather, pulling away as soon as Caris lifted his face to prolong the contact. He did it again, then flickered his tongue lightly along Caris' bottom lip, never allowing full contact, never quite committing to the kiss. A hungry whimper escaped from Caris' throat, and Jereth's blood surged with desire. He wanted to test the reaction, to find out if Caris enjoyed such teasing as much as he did. His hand cupped Caris' neck, pulling him closer as his mouth sought the tender skin just under the jaw. Caris tipped his head back with a sigh, his fingers slipping into Jereth's hair as he yielded to Jereth's explorations-- The nurse cleared her throat expectantly, and both of them jumped, releasing the embrace with guilty haste. Caris grinned sheepishly, the hazel eyes dark with desire and watching Jereth unabashedly. He was flushed and panting, and Jereth was certain that the untidy jumble of blankets over his lap hid a more obvious display -- one that matched Jereth's own. He couldn't think what to say, didn't Of One Mind - 55

even know what had possessed him to do such a thing. The best he could manage by way of farewell was a tremulous smile. The nurse politely avoided looking at Jereth's straining crotch as she escorted him from the wing, and he ducked into the first bathroom he saw. He leaned against the cool wall and breathed slowly, trying to calm the surge of blood in his veins. His reaction to Caris was shockingly strong, but it was only lust, he reminded himself. Wasn't it?

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Chapter Seven Caris stared out the window at the passing scenery, but he didn't really see it. True to his word, Jereth had brought a razor on his next visit, along with a change of clothes. Still weak, it had taken Caris nearly an hour to shave and dress, but he'd felt immensely better once he'd finished. The clothes fit Caris well and were in suspiciously fine condition. He couldn't remember the last time he'd had clothes to wear that weren't hand-me-downs. They had talked for much of the next two days. Caris had asked about Jereth's past, and hung on every word. Jereth stumbled to an awkward halt once or twice, and Caris had sensed a story that Jereth wasn't quite ready to share. He hadn't decided how to press for it when Jereth began asking his own questions, and Caris quickly realized that perhaps it was best for them to continue to hold a few secrets for the time being: he could not talk much about Tovvy or Ramie. Not yet. Not even for Jereth. The past exhausted, they had moved on to the future. Caris could not decipher Jereth's sense of responsibility toward him. Jereth insisted adamantly that he was not yet convinced that Caris was his mate -- but he had been surprised when Caris expressed doubt in his ability to find work and live on his own in a strange place. "Of course I'll help you!" Jereth had exclaimed. "Even if we're not mates, I wouldn't leave you to wander the streets!" Caris wondered why not -- but had kept the question to himself, halfpanicked at the unexpected pain washing from behind Jereth's Veil. Of One Mind - 57

Jereth had not shied from physical contact during those days -- he had supported Caris when he felt weak and dizzy, willingly helped to change his bandages, and seemed to forever be holding Caris' hands or brushing the hair from his face. But Jereth had avoided all but the most casual mental contact, and Caris felt he might go mad with uncertainty. Did Jereth intend to give the mating a chance, or not? Several times, Caris had been certain Jereth was about to kiss him again, but he always pulled away. The morning of the third day, the doctors had pronounced Caris healed enough to be discharged, and Jereth had revealed that they were invited -- both of them -- to guest a few days with his friend Mara and to attend a celebration of her eldest son's First Awakening. Caris was willing enough, though he'd have preferred to be alone with Jereth. Left alone together, he might be able to coax another kiss out of his reluctant mate as achingly perfect as their first had been -- tantalizing and maddening and strangely soothing. Caris stared out the window at the passing scenery without actually looking at it and rubbed at his jaw. He could still feel Jereth's mouth there, so hungry and warm... "You're very quiet," Jereth observed. Caris flushed, grateful for the jacket Jereth had given him, draped over his lap and hiding his half-formed erection. "Just thinking." He fidgeted with the invitation Jereth had finally given him, only half-seeing the looping whorls of Mara's writing. "You're not worried about meeting Mara, are you?" Of One Mind - 58

"Not really. I like meeting people," Caris said, in all honesty. "As long as they're not like Tovvy, they can't be all bad." Caris felt his shoulders hunching as he said his brother's name, as if some part of him still refused to believe that Tovvy was not around every corner, listening and plotting his next punishment. Jereth shot him a worried look. "That's a hell of an attitude," he said. "It's good you're not worried about Mara, because she's a wonderful person. But 'not beating you half to death' is a pretty low bar to set." Caris twisted to rub his itching stitches against the seat back. "It's all I have to go by." "We've got to do something about that." Caris suppressed a sigh. What does that mean? What does "we" mean? He closed his eyes. "We" is setting the bar pretty high. Who could compete with you? His hand crept up to rub his jaw again, remembering the kiss, and he smiled. It was late in the evening before they arrived at their destination, which turned out to be a house nearly as large as an entire tenement. Caris was still staring at it and trying to comprehend it as a single family's dwelling when Jereth's friend Mara appeared to shoo them indoors. She was a tiny woman close to Jereth's own age, running to plump, but possessed of endless energy. She was exactly as friendly and charming as Jereth had promised. She greeted both of them with warm embraces and tsked over Caris' waifish appearance with motherly determination. Of One Mind - 59

Her mate, Amon, put in an appearance to help Jereth take their bags to the room they would share. Caris nearly panicked as Jereth disappeared up the wide staircase, but Mara cheerfully herded him toward the kitchen for a feast that she called a snack and a mug of something sweet that bore almost no resemblance whatever to Ramie's tea. "There, now," she said brightly. "It's a long drive in from the city; you could probably use that. We'll have to find some time for a nice, long chat soon, too. Poor thing, I imagine Jereth's got you turned half inside-out. He can be such an idiot when he's not paying attention to what's going on around him." "He's... a challenge," Caris admitted cautiously, feeling half-disloyal. Mara grinned and winked, which eased his sense of guilt. "I think you'll find he's worth a little trouble," she said. "Most of the time, he's perfectly lovely. Just every so often, he needs a good smack on the head to keep him in line." Caris smiled uncertainly and nibbled on his sandwich. "He's been very good to me. You've known him a long time?" Mara smiled. "Oh, yes. We grew up together. We were even lovers for a short time. We'd been so close, and he was so certain we would match, that he convinced me to wait for him before I went to the church." "What happened?" Of One Mind - 60

"Well, it didn't work, of course. It wasn't utterly terrible, but it was rather like kissing someone with very bad breath. Endurable, if you were very fond of them, but still not altogether pleasant. Perhaps if we'd lived before the Great Awakening, we'd have had a fairly comfortable life together." Caris thought of Ramie and nodded, fidgeting with a cookie to hide the sudden trembling in his hands. "Of course, Jereth never did forgive me for comparing him to bad breath," Mara said, her eyes twinkling. Caris laughed, but found himself both jealous and fretful. Jereth had opened his mind to her -- after half a lifetime of friendship. How long was he going to make Caris wait? He hadn't yet decided how to answer when Jereth came into the kitchen to glower fiercely at Mara. "You're interfering," he growled at the tiny woman. "I don't know what you're talking about." "So you just accidentally put us in a room with only one bed?" "Don't be ridiculous, Jereth," Mara said tartly. "Not quite all my efforts are bent to your love life. You're not the only guests, you know. My parents and Amon's are here, and my sister and her mate and their brood, and both of Amon's brothers with their families. The whole household is doubling up -- the girls are sleeping on cots in our room, and the boys are all crammed in together in the twins' room." Of One Mind - 61

Jereth held his suspicious glare for a moment longer, then deflated with a sigh. "No help for it, I suppose. I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking." "Quite all right, darling. I know you've had a rough few days." Mara patted Jereth's arm, then glanced quickly at Caris. Was that a wink? Before Caris could be sure, she had turned again, cleaning up the emptied plates and cups. "Anyhow, the next few days will be busy, so you should both get some sleep." She shooed them both out of the kitchen, and Caris followed Jereth in silence to their room. Jereth still wasn't speaking as he sat on the edge of the bed to remove his shoes. Caris could see why Jereth had thought Mara was being manipulative. It was not a very wide bed. "I can sleep on the floor," he offered tentatively. Jereth looked up sharply, and his expression softened as he saw Caris' uncertainty. "No, of course not," he said. "You're still healing, we're both exhausted... It won't be a problem. I just didn't want Mara thinking she was being subtle and clever about it, when we've already talked it over." He smiled fondly. "She's like that, sometimes." Caris smiled back, relieved. "All right." Jereth picked up Caris' bag from the hospital and rummaged in it until he found the small jar of ointment. "Let's get this on your stitches." His back felt nearly healed already, but Caris pulled off his Of One Mind - 62

shirt and laid on the bed. Despite the ache and sting of his injuries, the gentle touch of Jereth's fingers was simultaneously comforting and exciting, and it was all he could do not to grind his hips against the bed for relief from the itch of desire. By the time Jereth had reapplied the bandages, Caris was feeling warm and sleepy. He barely noticed Jereth pulling the blanket up over him, or climbing in beside him, though his dreams were full of warmth that they rarely held. It must have been hours later that he woke, sleepily confused. He'd rolled onto his side, and an arm was thrown over his waist. The body at his back was lean and long, and for a dazed moment, he wondered if he was in Ramie's cot, waking from some strange fever dream. But lips nuzzled at the back of his neck, and Caris came fully awake, his heart pounding like a drum. Cautiously, he shifted, and discovered Jereth spooned against him, erection pressed against the back of his thigh, searing despite the clothing that separated them. As Caris moved, Jereth groaned softly and began to slowly rock his hips, sleepily humping Caris' leg. His lips became more insistent, nibbling and kissing Caris' neck and throat. Caris wondered if he dared push back against Jereth's languid thrusts. Jereth's fingers began to trace slow circles on his stomach, and Caris bit his lip to suppress a whimper. He had to do something soon, or he would go mad. He imagined guiding Jereth's hand down to his own aching cock, and then turning to see Jereth's eyes open. They would kiss, and they would make love, uniting finally in silent joy, or in screaming passion... Of One Mind - 63

It was only a fantasy, he reminded himself. Jereth was asleep, dreaming of... someone else. A woman, probably. Someone Caris could never be. It should upset him, but Jereth's breath was warm on his throat, and the press of his body felt so good, even through their clothes, even knowing it was only a dream... Jereth nipped at the curve of his throat, and Caris could not restrain a gasp. Jereth froze, and so did Caris. One heartbeat... two... three... Slowly, Jereth's arm withdrew. Gingerly, Jereth turned over, facing away from Caris again, and went still. It seemed cold without Jereth's warmth curled around him. Caris swallowed until the lump in his throat dissolved, then closed his eyes and pretended to go back to sleep.

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Chapter Eight Jereth woke with a start. He hadn't expected to sleep again, but it was nearly midmorning. He was alone in the bed, and in the room. Jereth sighed with relief. He wasn't sure whether he'd woken Caris with his beastly behavior, but he wasn't quite ready to face him. What would Jereth have done if there had been fewer layers of clothing between them? Not that Caris would have objected -- but that was part of the problem, wasn't it? The other part of the problem was that it had been so hard to stop when he'd woken and realized what he was doing. It would have been so easy to just keep going, to keep pretending it was all a dream. And Caris, desperate for acceptance and affection, would never have objected. He would have welcomed it, even encouraged it, and that was wrong. Caris deserved a lover who wanted him, not some wisp of a dream -- and when Jereth finally screwed up his courage to let someone through his shields again, he wanted it to be a deliberate act of sharing himself with someone he loved, not a shuddering explosion of guilty and desperate lust. But there was no denying the presence of that lust. The scent at the nape of Caris' neck had completely bypassed all rational thought, triggering Jereth's most basic urges. He was hard again, just remembering it. He screwed his eyes shut and tried to think of unappealing things. Eventually, he managed to get up. He found Mara in the kitchen, making cookies with her mother, Dreyah. Dreyah jumped up with a smile as soon as she recognized Of One Mind - 65

him. She started to hug him, then ruefully held up hands covered with dough and flour and settled for kissing his cheek warmly. "I'm so glad to see you, dear. Mara told me you were here, but I was beginning to wonder if she was fibbing. You never used to be the sort of boy to sleep all day!" Jereth laughed and returned her kiss. Dreyah had been like a second mother to him. "It's good to see you, too. I think I could be allowed one morning's sleep. Didn't she tell you how late we got in?" "Ah, yes, we," Dreyah pounced, her lined but stillhandsome face lighting. "Is there something you haven't told me, Jereth?" "No," Jereth said quickly. "Caris is just a-- a friend." Dreyah tsked. "I'm not so delicate in my old age that I can't hear the word 'lover,' Jereth." "We're not lovers," Jereth said firmly, trying to ignore the heat climbing his neck. He sat at the table across from Dreyah, next to Mara, and stole a cookie. Mara threatened his knuckles with her spoon. "Leave those alone," she commanded. "They're for the party." "I'll eat one less tomorrow," Jereth promised, unrepentant. Dreyah snorted, rolling dough briskly between her palms. "If Caris was that lovely, quiet young man who was at breakfast, then I don't know why not." Of One Mind - 66

"I thought you didn't approve of the slow search," Jereth said, with the nervous excitement of a boy poking a hornet's nest with a stick just to see what would happen. Why was everything conspiring lately to make him feel like he was fifteen again? "I've had plenty of time to reconcile myself to the idea that you're not going to drop everything and take my advice just because I say so, Jereth darling." Dreyah gave him a fond smile. "Besides, Mara said this is the--" "I think I have the cookies in hand now, Mother," Mara interrupted quickly. "Would you mind checking Eremy's new suit for me? The poor boy's grown an inch since we bought it, I think, and I suspect we'll have to let out the sleeves a bit." Dreyah gave her daughter a speaking look, but she obligingly got up, washed her hands, and left. "You told her?" Jereth sighed. "Just that you were going to go," Mara hedged and forcibly changed the subject. "What happened? You look terrible." "Thanks. You look stunning, as always. OW! What was that for?" Jereth rubbed at his stinging fingers. Mara brandished her spoon. "I told you to leave the cookies alone. But you do have big circles under your eyes. Didn't you sleep well?" No, not really, Jereth thought irritably. I was too worried I'd rape Caris in my sleep. "It was a little chilly in our Of One Mind - 67

room," he improvised. "Don't suppose you have a spare blanket we can use tonight?" So I can sleep on the floor. Mara pursed her lips as she thought. "No, I actually think I don't... Well, you'll need to go into town today anyway, so maybe you can swing by your apartment and get one." Jereth blinked at her. "What do I need to go into town for?" "Idiot," Mara said affectionately. "Caris will need some nice clothes to wear, for the ceremony." "Oh. Right." Mara was studying him, her head tipped curiously. Jereth tried not to squirm under her scrutiny. "What?" "Are you really going to give him a chance?" she asked simply. Jereth sighed and shoved his fingers through his hair. "I am giving him a chance," he said. "You know what I mean. Have you let anyone at all past your Vault shields since it happened?" Not that he could think of. Shields shattered under the pressure of sexual release, of course, and he'd had a few lovers since the incident, but they'd been short-lived relationships. He'd never gotten over the sense of panic and wrongness it had evoked in him, even worse than the wrongness of their mismatched minds. He chewed on the inside of his lip. "I had to open for the priests," he said at last, painfully aware of how pathetic and sullen he sounded. "For the search." Of One Mind - 68

"Well, it's a start, I suppose. It wasn't as bad as you were worried it would be, was it?" "No," he admitted. "But the priests never feel quite the same as anyone else." Mara snorted. "You're never going to find your mate if you won't let anyone inside," she said. "The risk is just too high." Mara was silent for a moment, and then sighed. "Darling, it wasn't your fault." "I know. But it wasn't under my control, either. How can I ask someone else to chance that, before I'm sure they're the one?" "Jereth, I... I've never heard of the priests being wrong. Just say you'll give him a chance." There were tears standing in her eyes. "I will," he promised. "I just have to be sure. I can't expose him to... that. If he panicked, if it panicked me, I don't know if I could save him." *** Amon was in the garage, fidgeting with some small project, when Caris came in. "Sorry to bother you," Caris said when Amon looked up. "I'm just passing through." "No bother," Amon said easily. "I just needed a few Of One Mind - 69

minutes of quiet. I love my family, but they can drive me crazy." He grinned at Caris. "You look like a man in need of escape, too. Is it Jereth or my mate who's pushing you over the edge?" Caris grimaced. "Jereth. Every time I think we're getting somewhere, he runs away. He won't even let me through his Veil, most of the time." Sympathy and friendly concern rippled across Amon's Veil. "If it helps, that's not just you. Jereth keeps his shields close most of the time, even with Mara, and they've been friends since before they Awoke." "I guess that helps, some. But I wish... He says he wants us to get to know each other first, but how are we supposed to do that if he keeps hiding from me?" Amon chuckled. "He wasn't always so skittish. When Mara and I were first mated, he was almost too open. It was a little disturbing, how easily he shared." "What happened, then?" "I'm not sure exactly how it happened -- Jereth doesn't like to talk about it -- but he was attacked, about five years ago, by a man who had snapped. I don't know exactly what he did to Jereth, but by the time it was over, his attacker had completely... disappeared. There was nothing left of his mind, even at the deepest levels the 'pathologists could reach. And apparently it happened while he was still linked with Jereth." Caris stared at Amon in horror, though he wasn't sure Of One Mind - 70

whether he was more aghast at the snapped man's fate, or at Jereth's being forced to witness it. "Jereth is convinced that he wiped that poor man's mind," Amon sighed. Caris blinked. "He what?" "He thinks he did it. In... self-defense, or something." "That sounds like something from a movie," Caris said. "A bad one." "Telepathology is still a pretty new field," Amon hedged. "There are dozens of abilities that only crop up rarely, and Jereth says his company uncovers completely new ones every few years. I'd like to think that he's imagining things, I can't discount it entirely. A whole team of 'pathologists examined him afterward, of course, but... well, he didn't like their assessments, and the impression I got from Mara is that he liked letting them through his shields even less. After a while, he stopped cooperating. But since then, he keeps even his Veil shields tight." Caris shuddered, trying to keep his memories of Tovvy's mental brutalities firmly behind his own shields. "I can't blame him. Having someone ripping through your head like that hurts." Amon gave Caris a curious look, then shook his head. "It's not pain that Jereth's avoiding," he corrected. "He's terrified that it will happen again. If he's not letting you in, it's because he's afraid of hurting you." He smiled knowingly at Caris. "And if he's hiding, then I suspect it's because he Of One Mind - 71

knows he's close to letting you in."

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Chapter Nine Eremy found him in the basement, sitting cross-legged on the floor by a dusty box, flipping slowly through an old photo album. The boy froze when he saw him, then sighed and came further down the stairs into the room. "What brings you down here?" Jereth asked. "I'm hiding," Eremy admitted, sitting on the other side of the box and dropping his chin into his hands. "What from? Did you annoy your mother?" Eremy snorted and waved a hand vaguely toward the basement stairs. "All... that. The hoopla and bustle. Grams and Gramps and all them coming all this way just for this, and Mom going to all this work... It's just First Awakening. This is just the beginning. There's nothing to celebrate, yet." "Mm. Humans are funny like that," Jereth offered. "We like our rituals. We like to mark the beginnings of things, as well as the ends. Maybe it's to give us something to cling to, just in case the ending isn't the one we think it should be." Eremy slanted a shadowed look at him. "That's a little morbid," he said. Jereth flipped the album back through several pages and turned it to show Eremy a photo some fifteen years old: Jereth himself, standing between his parents. They were barely older in the picture than he was now, and all three Of One Mind - 73

were dressed formally for Jereth's Final Awakening ceremony. "They died when you were still learning to walk. They never got to see me mated," Jereth said softly. His father had succumbed to a sudden heart attack, and inevitably, his mother had followed less than a day later. Sealing a mating meant sealing your fates, as well. Eremy looked at the picture for a long moment. "Did they-I mean. Were they unhappy? That you didn't go to the priests right away?" "No, I don't think so. They didn't meet through the priests, themselves. They'd been childhood friends, just like your mother and me. All their friends thought it was a fantastic story." Jereth smiled, remembering. "My father told me once, when I was just a bit older than you are now, that when they went to the church to be recognized and registered as Fully Awakened, they'd already sealed their mating." He grinned at Eremy's round eyes. "I always thought their love was stronger for their having known each other for so long before they were mates. More... magical. I wanted that for myself, and I think they understood... "But I regret that they never got to see it finished." Eremy pulled his knees in close to his chest and wrapped his arms around them. Finally, he offered, "I don't think Caris would have reached Final by then, anyway." Jereth narrowed his eyes. "What did she tell you?" "Who, Mom? She didn't say anything." Eremy glanced up Of One Mind - 74

at Jereth, then squirmed. "He sat next to me at breakfast, and Grams was telling some story about when you and Mom were kids, and he, uh. Kind of bumped into me." Eremy's face was burning. "His Veil shields aren't very good." Jereth groaned. "Which means your mother and Dreyah were probably reading him, too." He scrubbed his hands over his face. "I'm never going to live this down." "What's to live down?" Eremy asked. "I mean, it was, um. Kind of intense. But in a good way! I mean, you're practically real family. Mom might bust your chops a little, but she's thrilled for you, really. Even the Blind could see that. And Grams, too. They're happy for you!" He paused, suddenly uncertain. "Uh. Aren't they?" Jereth sighed. "It's not sealed, Eremy. Caris and I aren't actually mated." Eremy stared, his eyes round. "You haven't-- But he-- I mean. Oh. Oh. Um." Eremy grinned. "Maybe you should get on with it, then, Uncle Jereth. Or he's going to start setting things on fire." *** Caris stood on the short dock, bread forgotten in his hand, watching the ducks and the ripples they made in the water. He could almost see the house from here, except that the path had curved around a little cluster of trees. Even as he looked up, he saw someone else come around Of One Mind - 75

the path -- the broad shoulders and dark hair as familiar as if Caris had always known him. He watched Jereth come closer, his heart in his throat. "You missed lunch," Jereth said when he was close enough. "How long have you been out here?" Caris had forgotten about lunch. He still wasn't used to having more than a cup of Ramie's bitter tea in the middle of the day. "An hour or so, I guess. I'm not sure. It was Amon's idea." "Putting the ducks on a starvation diet?" "What?" Jereth nodded at the forgotten bread in his hand, and Caris felt a flush begin to climb his neck. "Oh. I..." How could he explain it to someone who had never been poor? This bread would have been a luxurious meal for some of Little Town's residents. It wasn't even going bad -and he was supposed to just throw it away? Give it to animals that, in Little Town, would long ago have become someone else's meal? Somehow, Jereth read it on his face, and nodded slowly. "Feels like a waste." Jereth didn't meet his eyes. He sat on the edge of the dock, dangling his legs over the side. His shoes skimmed only inches over the water. "I don't know how to make it better, Caris," he sighed. "We take so many things for granted. I wish I could tell you what to expect, but I think the things that will throw you the hardest are going to be the things it would never occur to me to mention. I'm sorry for that." He looked up, briefly, then looked back out over the water. "I can't be sorry I took you out of that place. Whatever else happens between us, I'm Of One Mind - 76

not sorry for that, and I'll do everything I can to help you." "I'm not sorry for that, either. I'll learn," Caris said. He was furious with himself. What kind of idiot got upset about not having to be poor anymore? "I'll do whatever I have to. I'll work, I'll go back to school, I'll... throw food away and buy clothes I never wear and... Anything. I won't go back there. Even if--" He almost choked, but made himself say the words. "Even if you can't love me." Defiantly, he tore a piece off the bread and threw it at the water, though he could barely see through his tears. Half a dozen ducks converged on the spot immediately, squawking and flapping. Despite everything, Caris found himself smiling at their absurdity. He threw out another piece of bread, and several more ducks joined the fray. The crumb disappeared, and the ducks charged the dock, quacking their appeals. Jereth quickly yanked his feet back up onto the dock, away from them, and that was funny, too. Caris threw the bread in a different direction every time, making them race for it, or dropped it close to the dock to give the slower ones a chance. The very last piece, he wadded tightly in his fist and threw into a wide empty area. Gulp! it was gone, and Caris caught only the slightest silvery glimpse of the fish that had taken the prize. The ducks were furious, and then pathetic, and then quiet again as they realized he had no more bread. Jereth was watching him. Had been watching him the whole time, he realized with a start. A bemused smile lurked on his lips, and the little he allowed to leak through his Veil was a confused mingling of amusement and... something else that Caris could not read. "What is it?" Of One Mind - 77

Caris asked uneasily. Jereth only shook his head. "You have a beautiful laugh," he said. "Feel better?" A beautiful laugh? What was that supposed to mean? But he did feel better, as if the ducks' ridiculousness had cancelled his own. Caris nodded slowly. "I guess so." At least he no longer felt wrong about it, half-guilty and defiant merely for imagining that he might someday no longer be poor. Jereth patted the edge of the dock next to him. "Sit down. Let's talk." "About what?" Caris sat, warily wondering if Jereth was about to drop more rules and conditions on their relationship. "Anything. Tell me about Ramie. He didn't come from Little Town, did he? How'd he end up there? How'd you meet him?" Caris relaxed slightly. "Ramie? He never said where he was from, exactly. He was poor, I guess, but not Little Town poor. He went to school somewhere, and then had his mate searched. They lived far apart, but managed to find each other on the 'net. Talked every day while they were saving up the travel money. "Ramie came out here, after a year or so. Only Devhan didn't pick him up at the station like they'd planned, and Ramie was flat broke. He'd used every last mark to make the trip. So it was a few days before he found out. There Of One Mind - 78

was an accident. Big pile-up on the road, and Devhan didn't-- Too excited, maybe. He died at the scene." Caris fell silent, considering the story in a new light. If Ramie had met his mate in person, they would have been mind-merged, and Ramie would have died when Devhan had. Caris had always thought Ramie had been lucky to have escaped -- but now that he had met Jereth, Caris wondered what would it be like to have to continue on, knowing that completion had been at his fingertips and then been snatched away. Would he be able to live any kind of life in the certain knowledge that he would always be alone? Caris shuddered violently. "He never said how he wound up in Little Town. Says he doesn't remember, and I always thought he just didn't want to talk about it, but maybe he really doesn't. He was smart and educated, so he ended up as one of the teachers at the school. Not that any of us much cared about school, but it was something to do, so that's where I met him." Jereth stirred, finally. "You were seduced by your teacher?" Caris wondered if Jereth would feel the irritation flowing out of his Veil, but didn't try to suppress it. "No. You asked how we met, not how we became lovers. That was later." "Sorry. That was-- I'm sorry." Jereth looked truly abashed, and Caris could not help but forgive him. "I liked school, sort of. History and cultures was my favorite. I liked imagining that I lived in another time or Of One Mind - 79

another place. Ramie taught science and math, which I wasn't very good at, but even that was okay. It gave me an excuse to stay late at school, to work on it. Tovvy didn't bother me there. And Ramie was always very quiet. Very patient. But the school closed before I could finish." "Why?" "There was a- a war. Between the gangs. Bunch of bystanders went down, including two teachers and the guy who ran the school. No one bothered to start it back up. But by then, Ramie was getting to be pretty well-known as a medic, so he did okay." Caris glanced sidelong at Jereth, wondering how much sense he was making of the tale and whether he could tell how ugly the whole thing had been. An entire building had exploded, home to several dozen tenants. Caris could still hear the shrieking of injured children, their parents and siblings already past hearing. Worse, he could still hear the sudden silence that had followed: it had contracted around his brother's voice, giving terse orders to his squad. He had never asked whether Tovvy's gang had been the instigator or the target. A hand closed gently over his arm, and Caris jumped. "You don't have to tell me," Jereth said. His blue eyes were full of concern. Caris shook himself back into the present. "There's not much more," he said, and was glad to hear that his voice didn't quaver. "Couple of years later, right before I passed Final Awakening, I got... hurt." Of One Mind - 80

"Tovvy," Jereth said shortly. It wasn't a question, and his hand tightened protectively on Caris' arm. "It's over and done," Caris said quietly. "You don't have to be upset about it." "Yes," Jereth said firmly, "I do." On impulse, hoping it would not make Jereth flee again, Caris leaned back against him. Jereth hesitated, then put his arm around Caris. Jereth was solid and warm, comforting, and Caris sighed as he relaxed into the embrace. "I got hurt," he continued, "and I went to Ramie for help. "He was... Ramie always talks sharp, but I couldn't stop thinking about the way he'd touched me when he patched me up. So gently, like- like I mattered." "Caris, you- Of course you matter." But do I matter to you? Caris swallowed the question and stuck to his story. "So I went back to him later, when I was mostly healed, and I... asked him to take me to bed." Jereth started. "You asked him?" "Why not?" "Well... no reason. I just hadn't- Wait. Before you passed Final?" "Yeah. Not a lot before -- a few weeks, maybe. But I remember he went with me to church for the test. I Of One Mind - 81

probably wouldn't have bothered, without him nagging me." And Jereth would never have found him... Caris wondered briefly how many others were denied their mates, simply because those mates had never bothered to register. "How long were you and Ramie together?" "About five years, I guess." "Five years with the same lover? And neither of you snapped?" "We kept our shields as close as we could," Caris said. "Didn't go deep when we-- when they were down. Didn't let them down often. We already knew we weren't a match. It was just for... for comfort." "I see." They sat for a few minutes longer, and then slowly, as if not entirely aware of what he was doing, Jereth began to stroke Caris' hair. Caris froze. If he acknowledged the caress, would Jereth pull away, as he had during the night? He closed his eyes and all but held his breath, willing the moment to stretch, trying to memorize every touch. "You're tight as a bowstring," Jereth murmured. "Why so on edge?" Because of you, idiot! Caris was glad for once for Jereth's stubborn mental shields. Because you're pushing me away and pulling me closer and I can't figure out what you want! He nearly swallowed the words, but they wouldn't fall Of One Mind - 82

away entirely. He tried to find words that made sense. "I just don't know what to do," he said, feeling more than hearing his voice break. "I don't know what you want; I don't know how to convince you to love me, and I--" "Shh." Long fingers tipped his head up, and Caris found himself staring up into Jereth's eyes, closer than he'd been since their first and only kiss -- how long ago, now? "You're doing fine." "But," Caris started to say, and then, as if waking from a dream, realized that he was in Jereth's arms, their lips only inches apart. He was still tightly shielded, but he wasn't running away. It was slow progress, but it was progress nonetheless. Could he nudge it a little further along? "Jereth... Will you kiss me?" *** Jereth's pulse pounded at his veins, and he could not move. Caris was so close that he could feel each warm puff of breath that escaped those tantalizing lips. He had seen Caris' eyes darken, the green sinking behind the brown until only tiny flecks remained. His pupils had dilated with desire, and Jereth had not so much heard the question as felt the words rubbing against him like a cat. He wanted to grant the request. How could he not, with that wordless plea filling his vision, the heat of Caris' need so obvious it was all but scalding? And Caris was so beautiful, so eager, so loving. ...No. Not loving. They had known each other only days, had never touched minds even in the most casual way. Of One Mind - 83

Caris did not -- could not -- love him. Not yet. He loved an idea. He loved what he hoped Jereth was, what they might become. But he did not love Jereth as he was. Not yet. To kiss Caris now was to promise more than Jereth was ready to give -- and to risk hurting them both worse than Jereth could withstand. "Not yet," Jereth whispered, or meant to. But his mouth could not shape the words, because it was on Caris', hungry and insistent. His tongue teased at Caris' lips until they parted. His hands cradled Caris' head, his fingers plunging into the soft tawny hair. He kissed the side of Caris' mouth, found the edge of his jaw and followed where it led. Just behind Caris' ear was a spot as soft as velvet, and Caris shivered enticingly as he nipped at it. Caris' hands were on his shoulders, sliding along his neck, and it felt right in a way that no other lover's touch had, filling some void he'd never known existed. The hollow of Caris' throat glistened in the afternoon sun, and Jereth licked at it, the faint salty flavor of flesh sweeter than honey. Caris twined his fingers into Jereth's hair, and he pulled, urging. Jereth obeyed the silent command, covering Caris' mouth again in another perfect kiss. Caris moaned into his mouth, a soft, complex sound of both need and satiety that made Jereth's very bones thrum with echoed desire. He groaned at its intensity, pulling Caris closer still. Yes, he thought incoherently. Nothing could be more perfect than this, except perhaps the moment of consummation, physical and mental release together merging their thoughts, their innermost-- No. Of One Mind - 84

Jereth wrenched himself away in sudden panic. Too close, he had come entirely too close. His body screamed with unfulfilled desire, and his breath came fast and rough. His lips tingled; his fingertips protested the loss of Caris' warmth. Jereth closed his eyes and tried to force his breathing to slow, or at least even out. "Jereth? What did-- what's wrong?" The whisper was laden with confusion and guilt. "Nothing," Jereth said quickly. "Not-- It's not you." The absurdity of that made him smile, despite the continued ache of longing. "Or maybe I should say, it's too much you." "Then... why?" Caris did not smile back. His hazel eyes were filled with confusion and hurt. "Just... not now. Not yet. Not here. It's a public park!" Jereth felt a flush climb his neck at the half-lie -- no one ever came to this park, and he knew it. Only the ducks would have been witness to... whatever they might have done. "Oh." Caris looked around, as if he had forgotten entirely where they were. "I... I guess." Slowly, his hand moved, his fingers twining with Jereth's. "I can wait." For how long? Jereth wondered. How long would he be able to resist, if Caris pressed the matter? It would have been so much easier if they'd met under different circumstances, if there wasn't this expectation between them that the damned priests had built. If he didn't have to treat this so very seriously, he could give in to this Of One Mind - 85

attraction without hesitation -- take Caris to bed and sink himself in those willing arms, devote hours to teasing out those delightful, shuddering moans... He was hard again, even thinking of it. He really would have to sleep on the floor tonight, or he wouldn't be able to restrain himself, sleeping or waking. Jereth sighed and gently pulled his hand free. "It won't be long," he promised, his voice rougher than he'd hoped for. "But not... Not until after the ceremony tomorrow. Please." There was no mistaking the disappointment on Caris' face. But the younger man nodded slowly. "After tomorrow," he agreed. Jereth sighed in relief, and stood. "Come on," he said, offering Caris a hand up. "Where now?" "If you're going to Eremy's First Awakening ceremony with me tomorrow, you'll need nicer clothes than these."

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Chapter Ten Caris stared uneasily into the mirror. He looked ridiculous. After what seemed like hours of shopping, they had chosen -- Jereth had chosen -- this outfit: tan slacks topped by an emerald shirt and a mandarin-collared jacket of elegant brown silk. It made him look both taller and older, somehow. But he still felt like himself, and it still looked ridiculous. Like a child playing at dress-up. At least in Tovvy's castoffs, the stains and patches had been honest, and Caris had been able to hide inside the volume of fabric. This outfit -- this costume -- offered no such refuge. It made him look like he was playing a role he had no idea how to fill. And what role was that, anyhow? Jereth still wouldn't open his shields, and Caris half-expected that he would come up with some excuse to postpone the promised trial after the boy's ceremony. But aside from his refusal of intimacy, Jereth was acting as if they were together, as if he held no qualms or doubts about everything he had done for Caris. Certainly his kiss had possessed no taint of uncertainty about it... Caris shivered inwardly and sighed at himself. How could he want someone so much and still be so frustrated with him? "Something the matter?" Jereth appeared in the mirror behind him, and the illusion of height the clothes provided fell away. "It's the jacket," Caris lied, tugging at the collar. "It's so tight." "It's meant to be a bit snug. It looks wonderful on you," Of One Mind - 87

Jereth said. "And once the formalities are done, you can loosen it, or even take it off." He ran his hands lightly through Caris' hair, then pulled it back experimentally, studying Caris' reflection. Caris pulled away, unable to reconcile his longing for Jereth's touch with his irritation at Jereth's behavior. "I'm not a doll," he snapped peevishly. Jereth stared, taken completely aback, as if his own arm had suddenly hauled off and hit him. Caris' frustration washed away as quickly as it had risen, leaving behind a flotsam of remorse and guilt. "I mean, of course I don't-I'm just--" "No," Jereth interrupted. "No, don't take it back. Please. You're right. I need someone to tell me when I'm being an idiot." His surprise faded and was replaced with something like chagrin. "Mara's been trying to keep me in check for twenty years. She's probably sick of it by now." "You're not that bad," Caris felt compelled to say. "Oh, yes I am. Not intentionally, but I do it all the time. I say something or do something without thinking about it, and suddenly I'm a candidate for Ass of the Year." Jereth lifted a hand to touch Caris, hesitated, and let it drop. "You did exactly right. I don't want to treat you like- like you don't matter, but I wasn't really thinking about it. I was just focused on how to show you off." Jereth flushed guiltily. "I'm sorry. We'll pick out something else. Something you like better." Caris looked at the mirror again, considering his reflection, Of One Mind - 88

and Jereth's. "You really like this?" "Yes, but if you don't--" "Promise," Caris said, looking up into the reflection of Jereth's eyes, "promise me you're not going to find any new excuses." Jereth grimaced. "I guess I deserved that... No more excuses. I swear." "Tomorrow night?" Momentary panic escaped Jereth's Veil, caught in tendrils of yearning and desire. Caris had an instant to marvel and wonder at the strength of his emotion before Jereth quickly shoved the whole mess back behind his Veil. "Yes," he breathed, closing his eyes. "Tomorrow night. I promise." Caris smiled, hugging that glimpse of passion to himself. "Then we'll get these. So you can be proud to show me off to all your friends." Jereth's eyes snapped open with sick horror. "Caris, no, you don't--" "I'm joking, idiot," Caris laughed as he turned to face Jereth. "We're getting these clothes because now when you see them, you'll remember not to be an ass. And because you like them." He smiled slowly. "I want you to watch me all day and think about how you have to wait until night to get them off me again." The flare of lust and admiration from Jereth's Veil was heady -- as was the realization that Jereth hadn't pulled it back under his shields. Of One Mind - 89

By the time they left the store, Caris' sense of optimism had begun to renew itself. "What now?" he asked, as they got back into Jereth's car. "Back to Mara's?" "Not yet," Jereth said. "I need to stop at my apartment for a few things. Do you mind?" Jereth's apartment. Jereth's space, his rooms. His bedroom. Jereth's bed. Caris ignored the trip of his pulse. "No, I don't mind." Tomorrow night. Jereth's apartment was not far from the shops, in a large, airy building. It was completely different from any building Caris had ever seen in Little Town. He wanted to find its basement and the attic and roof access, but it was already evening. Exploring would have to wait for another day. He followed Jereth into the elevator, then down the hallway to Jereth's apartment. Jereth opened the door and gestured Caris through. "Feel free to look around a little," he said, reaching for the light switch, "but this won't take long. I just--" He faltered and fell silent. An enormous shape sat calmly on the couch, waiting for them. Caris stumbled back a step, but already knew that it was too late. Tovvy straightened with a bland smile. "At last," he said amiably, "the lovebirds return to the nest." *** Caris and his half-brother had the same tawny hair, though Tovvy wore his cropped close to the skull. Aside from that, Of One Mind - 90

they were nothing alike. Tovvy was built like a bull, his shoulders so broad that his neck was nearly lost. Jereth doubted he could span one of the larger man's arms with both hands. His face was flat and plain, lacking Caris' delicate angles. His eyes were small and dark and cold. Caris backed up another step, colliding with Jereth. Though his own heart was racing, Jereth put a hand on Caris' shoulder, hoping to calm him. "Tovvy," Caris rasped. "What are you-- how did you--" Tovvy chuckled, and Jereth felt Caris cringe against him. "Your boy there gave the address to Ramie," he said. Jereth immediately felt stupid. He'd only intended for Ramie to be able to reassure himself that Caris was well. How had he not realized that Tovvy would come looking for his missing brother? "I'm sorry," he whispered, but Caris gave no sign of having heard. He was trapped in Tovvy's gaze, paralyzed and shivering like a mouse before a snake. "Now tell me, little brother, why you ran off without even bringing your mate home to meet the family?" Tovvy stood and ambled toward them. Jereth grabbed the back of Caris' shirt and pulled, turning, running as fast as he could-- Something solid slammed into his back, and he saw stars as his chin hit the floor. He had not quite gotten up onto his knees when he was lifted to his feet by his collar. Somewhere -- vaguely -- he heard Caris whimper. Of One Mind - 91

"Let him go," Caris was pleading. "Tovvy, please..." "How stupid do you think I am?" Tovvy growled. He dragged Jereth back into the apartment and threw him onto a chair. Tovvy slammed and locked the door, and then pulled up another chair. "I was worried about you, little brother," he rumbled. He seemed to have recovered his false sense of camaraderie. "Didn't even leave a note. Bad manners. Mama and I raised you better'n that." Caris collapsed at Jereth's feet, his hand curled around Jereth's leg. He was shivering. He didn't seem capable of responding. "I didn't give him time," Jereth said. His words were mushy, and every syllable made his jaw ache. Tovvy smiled. If those eyes hadn't been shining with malice, Jereth might have thought he was tolerantly amused. "That's all right," he said. "The excitement and all. It's a good thing I thought to check for you at Ramie's." "What did you do to Ramie?" Caris whispered. Black hatred consumed Tovvy's features, but he kept control of his tone. "He was... rude," Tovvy said tightly. "I had to take measures." "You killed him." It wasn't a question. "You don't need him anymore, after all," Tovvy said reasonably. "You have your new mate to think of." Of One Mind - 92

Caris shuddered against Jereth's leg. "Let him go, Tovvy. Please. I'll... I'll come back with you. Just let him go. I'm begging." Tovvy smiled, showing dingy, crooked teeth. "Very touching, little brother. But you're mates, now, aren't you? I couldn't think of separating you." "We're not--" Caris dug his fingers into Jereth's leg violently, and Jereth felt the spike of Caris’ fear even despite his shields. Nearly too late, he realized his error. If Tovvy knew they hadn't sealed the bond, no reason remained to keep Jereth alive. "We're not going to be separated," Jereth amended quickly. "A man of sense, your mate," Tovvy said. He crouched before them and grabbed a handful of Caris' hair. Get your hands off him! Jereth nearly choked on his rage. Tovvy’s fist tightened, pulling on the tawny locks, and Caris was forced to tip his head back, to look up into his half-brother's face. "This is how it's going to be, little brother," Tovvy said quietly. "We're all going to go home, now. If you both come quiet, I'll even forgive the way you rudely ran off, and we'll start over, clean slate. Give me any trouble, and you'll wish you hadn't, understand?" "Yes, Tovvy." Jereth's heart broke over the tears in Caris' voice. Tovvy shifted his gaze to meet Jereth's. "You," he said, not bothering to disguise the menace in his tone. "For Caris' sake, I can't kill you -- but he won't die if you're only Of One Mind - 93

paralyzed for the rest of your days. I know how to break a man's back and keep him alive, so don't try any more of that running shit. You get me?" Caris had closed his eyes, but the anguish in his face told Jereth all he needed to know about the sincerity of Tovvy' claim. "Yeah," he said softly. "I get it." There had to be some way out of this. Some way to alert... someone. Would the police go into Little Town even to rescue them? Tovvy narrowed his eyes. "I don't think you believe me." "I do." Crack! It was like being hit with a baseball bat, even though Tovvy hadn't closed his fist. Jereth's head rocked so far back with the blow that his neck creaked, and he gasped at the pain. The world spun around him. Dimly, he was aware of Caris whimpering wordlessly. "Don't argue with me," Tovvy said evenly. "You don't believe me, or you think you can get away again. I'll show you different." "Tovvy," Caris said. "He believes, he does! Don't--" Tovvy swung a similar blow in Caris' direction. Jereth cringed with the blow, though Caris took it silently. He only looked at Jereth, his eyes sharply green with fear, pleading for... something. Jereth did not know what. "You're going to drop your shields for me," Tovvy told Jereth. "I'll show you, and then you'll know." Horror slithered through Jereth's innards. Reveal his innermost thoughts to this? Not possible. Of One Mind - 94

Tovvy grinned at Jereth's reaction. "You will," he promised cheerfully. "Everyone knows that a good fuck will open your doors, but enough pain will do the trick just as well. You know that?" Jereth was trembling with rage and terror. He felt nauseous. "Don't." Tovvy snapped his arm as easily as a twig. Searing, whitehot pain shot through Jereth, blinding in its intensity, washing all his shields and protections away. Caris shouted. Tovvy's presence in his mind was even more loathsome than he'd expected it to be. Twisted and filthy and misshapen, it rasped through his thoughts so roughly that it nearly drowned the continuing shriek of pain in his arm. Tovvy threw images at him, one after another. Too fast for him to fully process, they nevertheless completed Jereth's understanding of Tovvy as utterly lacking in mercy, compassion, or sanity. Get out, Jereth begged. Tovvy threw an image at him: Ramie, his gentle features covered in blood, his limbs twisted. The soft exterior of his mind had been flayed away to reveal a core of pitted steel: his certainty that Caris had escaped. Tovvy had laughed as he quashed that certainty, snapping Ramie's mind before finally allowing him to die. Anger stirred, and let itself be glimpsed under the morass of fear. Get OUT, Jereth snarled. Tovvy laughed and showed Jereth another, older image: Of One Mind - 95

Caris, bruised and bloodied, sobbing as Tovvy peeled through the layers of his mind like plucking the petals from a rose. Furious, Jereth shoved at Tovvy, and felt the bigger man's surprise at being moved. Heartened, Jereth drew himself inward for another push. Shrewdly, Tovvy twisted his broken arm. Jereth screamed. Everything pulled into sharp focus, just for an instant, and then, mercifully, went black.

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Chapter Eleven Caris was not certain he dared to move. Tovvy had been snarling and laughing, and Jereth softly groaning, deep in the back of his throat, his head shaking vehemently in furious, helpless denial. Then Tovvy had yanked on Jereth's arm and Jereth had screamed and then... nothing. The silence was eerie. The stillness, even more so. Neither of them were moving, though Tovvy's eyes were still open. Their chests rose and fell with breath, pulse flickered at their throats, blood leaked sluggishly from Jereth's chin. But nothing else. Caris whispered, "J-Jereth?" No response. "Tovvy?" Louder. "Tovvy?" Gingerly, ready to snatch it away again, he passed a hand in front of Tovvy's staring eyes. They didn't track him. Caris poked him on the shoulder. He rocked slightly, but did not respond. Caris leaned past him warily to gently shake Jereth's leg. Jereth slumped back bonelessly, as if he'd fallen unconscious. If it was some sort of trick, it was something Tovvy had not done before. Nervously, Caris cracked his shields, braced against the onslaught of pain that was his brother's mental contact. Nothing. He opened wider, and then suddenly, morbidly, like poking at a wound, peered into Tovvy's mind. Nothing. Nothing. No shields. No mind. Tovvy was gone, completely, extinguished like a candle flame. Of One Mind - 97

Oh, Goddess, help me! Shaking, panicking, Caris scrambled for Jereth. Jereth had... withdrawn. There were shields in place, so weak and fractured that even Eremy could have pushed through. But there was something behind them. He wasn't gone. Caris let out a sob of relief and gathered Jereth into his arms. "Jereth," he gasped. "Jereth, wake up. Please. It's done. Wake up. Please wake up. Jereth?" He laid Jereth gently on the floor and went exploring. He found a washcloth, wet it, and bathed Jereth's face. No response. Caris bit his lip and considered Jereth's thin and decaying shields. It would only take an instant to push through them, to reassure himself... He couldn't. Jereth would never forgive him. Half-sobbing, he looked around the apartment in desperation. What should he do? What could he do? There was no one he could run to, no one he could call on. He couldn't drive Jereth's car, wouldn't know where to go in any case. Oh, Goddess, help me! Jereth didn't believe in the Goddess. What did Jereth believe in? Jereth believed in love. Jereth believed in loyalty. Jereth believed in... in friendship. Caris gasped and began frantically searching Jereth's pockets.

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Chapter Twelve He was on some soft, flat surface. A bed? It seemed likely. His face ached, and when he tried to touch it, his arm hurt much worse. It was bound and immobile -- a cast of some sort. What had happened? His memories were hazy. His apartment, in the dark, and that gorilla of a man. What was his name? Tovvy, that was it. Tovvy had been waiting. He'd hit Jereth, had hurt him... Had threatened them... Had hurt Caris-Jereth sat bolt upright with a gasp. Caris! The slender figure dozing in the uncomfortable hospital chair jerked awake. "Mm- Jereth?" "Car--" No, not Caris. It was Eremy. "Eremy?" His voice was rough, his throat raw. "What are you doing here? Where are we?" Jereth leaned heavily on his good arm. "Where's Caris?" Eremy stretched heroically, yawning. He was dressed in his good suit, somewhat the worse for wear. "This is the hospital, and I came with Mom. Caris is with her." "He's okay? Really?" "He's fine." Jereth sighed and flopped back down on the bed. "Thank you. What are you doing here? What about your ceremony?" Of One Mind - 99

Eremy snorted. "That was this morning. It's afternoon, now." "What happened?" "Don't you remember?" "I remember being attacked. That's about it." "Caris called Mom last night, from your phone. He told her about it, I guess. She kind of flipped out, so Dad got on the phone and talked to him for a while. I didn't get it all," Eremy said, slouching back into his chair. "But something happened to the guy who attacked you. He was catatonic, or something." Jereth's stomach flopped. Not again. Eremy didn't seem to notice his distress. "Mom wanted to come up last night, but Caris talked her out of it. Dad called the police and the hospital and stuff, so I guess they went and got you and brought you here. We did the ceremony this morning, and the luncheon, but then Mom decided she had to skip the rest of the party and come check on you, and I talked her into bringing me with her." He gave Jereth a weak grin. "So thanks for getting me out of that." Jereth tried to return the grin, but he was too close to panic. He'd done it again, destroyed another person's mind. Selfdefense or not, it was inexcusable. Obscene. How could Mara leave her son alone with him? He hugged his stomach and hoped he wouldn't throw up. "Where is she now, then?" And Caris? Of One Mind - 100

Eremy grimaced. "She freaked out again when she heard you still hadn't woken up yet, so Caris took her off to see if they can find your 'pathologist." He tipped his head curiously. "Guess that means you and Caris haven't, um, settled things, yet, huh?" Jereth glared at the boy. "What if we did, and it just turned out we're not a match?" Eremy was not intimidated. "Mom told me on the way up that it was a priest match." "And you're so sure-- Oh, fine, then. No. We haven't settled things, yet. And after what I did last night, it's entirely possible that he won't want to." "You really are an idiot, sometimes," Caris said from the doorway. "Caris," Jereth breathed. "You're all right." He struggled to sit up, fighting the tangle of bed sheets. Caris sat on the side of the bed and wrapped his arms around Jereth's shoulders, burying his face in the curve of Jereth's neck, shuddering with emotion that belied his cavalier entrance. Dimly, Jereth was aware that Mara had come in as well, but he could not tear his eyes from Caris. "You came back," the younger man whispered, shuddering. Caris pulled away slightly to look at his face, and Jereth returned the regard. An ugly bruise decorated Caris' jaw, leaving it swollen and purple. Jereth winced and gingerly touched Caris' cheek. "I'm so sorry," he said. "I shouldn't have let him--" Of One Mind - 101

"How could you have stopped it?" Caris asked. "Anyway, it's not so bad. Nothing's broken." Jereth tore his eyes from Caris to look at Mara. Her eyes were bright with tears, but she was smiling. "Jereth, darling, thank the Goddess," she gasped, and hugged him tightly. She kissed his cheek, and then before he could say anything, straightened and wiped at her eyes. "Come on, Eremy, let's go down to the cafeteria and get something to eat." "But I'm not--" Eremy broke off as Mara shot him a look, and then blushed as he belatedly caught her intentions. "I mean, um. Yeah. Okay. See you later, Uncle Jereth." Jereth snorted, but made no attempt to hide his amusement and affection. "Not subtle, Mara." "I don't have to be subtle, darling. I just have to be absent." She winked at Caris. "We'll be back in an hour or so, all right?" She closed the door firmly behind them, leaving Jereth and Caris alone again. "Idiot," Caris said softly. "How could you even think I wouldn't want you?" Jereth shuddered. "What I did to Tovvy--" "Saved us," Caris interrupted heatedly. He met Jereth's eyes with a frown. "No, it's not a good thing. I'm sure it's horrible. But what you did, it saved us." Jereth's stomach roiled. "This time. What if I do it again? Of One Mind - 102

I've done it before, you know. I don't know what sets it off! I could do it to a doctor or 'pathologist who's just doing their job. I could do it to you." "No. No, you couldn't." Caris wiped away tears Jereth had not realized he'd shed. "I know about the other time. Amon told me about it, a little, and Mara told me some more. But the 'pathologist here, she said she'd encountered it before. She had a name for it that I don't remember. But it's a normal thing. There's nothing wrong with you." Jereth's stomach lurched. "It can't possibly be normal to be able to do that." Caris sighed, laying his head back on Jereth's shoulder. "Well, it's not a sickness, anyway. And it only works on someone who's snapped, anyway. There has to be a flaw in the- the mental structure for you to exploit." He sounded like he was reciting half-understood phrases, probably from the case telepathologist. "You don't think Tovvy was still sane, do you? You really can't hurt me or anyone else who's still whole." Idly, as he considered it, Jereth began to run his fingers through Caris' hair, gently tugging through tangles. He couldn't be sanguine about the ability, but if it had been seen before, then the 'pathologist might be able to help him control it. Slowly, as he began to relax, he realized that Caris was shivering. "Caris. What's wrong?" Caris laughed bitterly. "Ever seen an addict denied his drug?" Of One Mind - 103

"What?" Jereth frowned down at the top of Caris' head. "What are you talking about?" Caris groaned and pulled himself upright to look into Jereth's face. "I was scared," he said, barely louder than a breath. "You weren't really that badly hurt, but you wouldn't wake up, and I- I didn't want to end up like Ramie, to have come so close and then lose you..." He closed his eyes. "So I... looked. Your shields were so weak, with so many holes in them. It was easy, and I had to, to make sure you were in there, really." Jereth felt breathless. Caris had been inside his mind? He probed at his thoughts, and felt nothing different. "I don't-we're not mated?" Jereth said, confused. "No, we're not," Caris said shortly. He shuddered violently and covered his face with his hands. "I got out as soon as I felt it pulling me in. It was the hardest thing I've ever done. Except for staying out afterwards." "Why?" Jereth's mouth had gone dry, so the word rasped its way through his lips. "Why didn't you seal it?" Caris glared at him. "Because I'm not an ass!" he snapped. "Because I need to know that you're ready for it, that you want it. Because you'd promised, and I believed you. Because I'm not going to trap an unconscious man into being with me!" Jereth's smile made his face hurt where it was still bruised, but he ignored it. "I'm not unconscious now." Of One Mind - 104

It took a moment for the words to seep into Caris' understanding. His eyes widened. "I don't-- But you--" Jereth laughed in delight and kissed him. *** Oh Goddess, yes! Caris wanted to scream, to laugh, to cry - except that to do any of those things would require taking his mouth from Jereth's. His mind fluttered frantically against Jereth's shields, a moth making love to the flame, desperate to be consumed. Jereth kissed his jaw, sucked at the spot below his ear, and Caris whimpered with need. Jereth was whispering into his ear. Caris barely pulled himself together enough to hear the final few words, and they startled tears from his eyes. "I love you, too," he gasped. Jereth's shields disappeared. Suddenly without resistance, Caris fell forward, downward, inward. Surprised, he flailed for balance, fighting against the pull of Jereth's mind from simple habit, as he had been fighting all day. Relax, Jereth said. Let go, let me catch you, and the thought was a net that pulled him in, a pair of arms that held him in an embrace it seemed he had always longed for but never been granted. His trembling ceased. It was all, everything he had ever imagined and so much more than he could have hoped for. He could feel Jereth settling into his mind, as well, could feel Jereth’s surprise and delight and his contentment, warm as a purring kitten. My love, Caris thought, a tentative mental caress. Of One Mind - 105

Jereth responded without words, a warm affection that boiled into lust, and Caris laughed breathlessly, feeling Jereth's mouth on his neck, insistently hungry. The hospital gown opened and fell away. Jereth was every bit as beautiful as Caris had imagined. He felt Jereth's surprise and wonder at Caris' admiration. Caris grinned, the mental echo making him slightly dizzy, and covered Jereth's straining erection with his mouth. Jereth let out a moan that was half-whimper, and his fingers knotted in Caris' hair, urging him to take it deeper. Ignoring the ache in his bruised face, Caris obliged, exploring Jereth's contours with his tongue until Jereth’s hips began to rock in frantic urgency. How long do we have? They were so tightly intertwined, Caris could barely tell where the thought originated. Not nearly as long as I'd like -- but enough. Mara probably warned them. We'll be quick, then. This time. Their mingled thoughts drained of coherency, became nothing but a constant surge of heat punctuated by shared sensations. Caris stripped, laughing giddily, as much hindered as helped by Jereth's one-armed assistance. He gave Jereth's cock a final sloppy lick that left it slick and shiny, and then straddled Jereth's hips. He pressed back, pulling the head of Jereth's cock into himself. Caris met Jereth's eyes, and suddenly could not Of One Mind - 106

bear to go slow, had to have him, had to be filled by him, now. With a ragged gasp, he slammed down, impaling himself fully, groaning with pleasure. "Caris," Jereth hissed, his eyes widening. His thoughts swirled impossibly, red spiked with blue. Caris froze, afraid it was too late, but Jereth closed his eyes and the blue spikes slowly subsided. Only when his breathing had returned nearly to normal did Jereth open his eyes again. He caressed the side of Caris' neck gently, brushing his fingers over Caris' skin until he had raised gooseflesh and Caris was moaning. Later, Jereth promised, his eyes sparkling, when we're home and healed, I will spend an entire night making love to you. His fingers brushed lower, over Caris' chest and stomach, and closed gently around his cock. Caris thrust into Jereth’s touch -- and as if he'd forgotten about Jereth inside him, he gasped and pressed back. Jereth smiled gently and began to stroke him in the same rhythm, unbearably slow, forcing Caris to lift his hips to complete the touch, and then lifting his own hips to meet Caris' push back. I will touch and kiss every inch of you. I will tease and torment you until you scream, and then I will bring you to climax, over and over, until you are too exhausted to even whimper. Flickers of image skirted through Jereth's thoughts, too fast for Caris to examine, showing only enough to make him squirm in desire. Jereth was stroking him faster, both of them breathing rough and uneven. And just when you think you can't take any more, Jereth continued, his thoughts as relentlessly arousing as his touch, I will be inside you, like this-- his hips thrust savagely, making Caris cry out with Of One Mind - 107

pleasure-- and we will come together, just as the sun rises. It was more than Caris could withstand. His hips bucked suddenly, beyond his control, and with a shuddering groan, he spilled his seed over Jereth's knuckles, painting his stomach. Jereth drew in a jerking breath, thrust once more, twice -- and arched his back with a soft mewl as he reached his own climax. Heedless of the mess, Caris fell onto Jereth, panting. His head nestled comfortably into the hollow of Jereth's shoulder, and dimly, he considered never moving again. Jereth caught the thought and chuckled softly. "It's a good thing I didn't wait for my shields to crack," he murmured, wiping his hand on the sheets before tracing slow spirals down Caris' back. "We would have passed out from the intensity. Imagine the poor nurse having to pry us apart." Caris imagined a broad woman with a crowbar and an exasperated expression, and chuckled. He felt Jereth's smile, even though he couldn't see it. "Does that mean I have to leave you and get dressed?" he complained halfheartedly. "Mm, you should be dressed before they come back, yes. But you’ll never have to leave me again." Jereth sounded almost melancholy, and Caris reached curiously for his thoughts. Such an idiot to have waited so long. This is not the setting I wanted for this moment. Jereth was meticulously committing details to memory, like enclosing a cherished treasure in protective wrapping: the shape of the shadows Of One Mind - 108

and the quality of the light filtering through the curtained window; the slowing rhythm of Caris’ breathing and the still-heavy thump of Jereth’s own heartbeat; the scent of sweat and sex chasing away the sterile hospital smells of medicine and disinfectant; the weight and warmth of Caris’ body against his; even the itch and ache of his broken arm. Delighted, Caris smiled and snuggled closer. The setting doesn’t matter, love, as long as we’re in it together. “You’re right, of course.” Jereth feather-brushed his fingers down Caris' back again, then nuzzled Caris' hair sleepily. "Two bodies, of one mind." END.

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