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sHowcAsE2000 TheYear'sBestSF and Fantasy Chosenby theScience Fiction and FantasyWritersof America
EDITED BY
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A H A R V E SOTR I G I N A L H A R C O U RI T N,C . SanDiego NewYork London
compilation copyright @ zom by Science l.'iction and Fantasywriters of America Inhoduction copyright @ zrrc, 1999 byAbbenford Associates Headnotes copyright @ zooo by Abbenford Associates George Zebrowski essayscoplright @ zom by Ceorgc Zebrowski David Hartwell essaycopytight O zom by Davi he signed, and then made another sign for <profoundly>, the old multiply sign, multiplesof sorrowin his gesture. "l understand,"he said. "l experiencedyour Iast download.It was.. . intenselydisturbing.I haveneverfelt suchterror,suchloss." "Nor had I," saidDavout. It was Old Davout whose image was proiected into the Gothicrevivalarmchair,the original, womb-bornDavout of whom the two sibs werecopies.When Davoutlookedat him it waslike lookinginto a mirror in which his reflectionhad beenretardedfor severalcenturies,then - Davoutremembered, severalbodiesback,once released unexpectedly that tall forehead,the fair hair, the small earsflattenedclose possessing to the skull.The grayeyeshe had still, but he could neverpicturehimlittle goatee. selfwearingthe professorial
174 NebulaAwardsShowcase 2000
"How is our othersib?"Davoutasked. "Youwill find Silent The concernon Old Davout'sfacedeepened. Davout much changed.You haven'tuploadedhim, then?" "Due to the delays,I'm thirty yearsbehind on my uploading." "Ah." "Perhapsyou should speakto him, then, before you uploadall thoseyears." "l will." He lookedat his sib and hopedthe longingdid not burn in his eyes."Pleasegive my bestto Katrin, will you?" "l will give her your love," saidOld Davout, wisestof the sibs. The pain wastherewhen Davout awokenext day,freshasthe moment it firstknifedthroughhim, on the daytheir fifth child, the planet Saqpedon, was christened.Sarpedonhad been discoveredby astronomersa couple of centuriesbefore,and named,with due regardfor tradition,afteryet anotherminor characterin Homer;it had beenmapped and analyzedbyrobot probes;but ii had been the Beagle'sterraforming team that had made the windswept place, with its barren mountain rangesand endlessdeserts,its angryradiationand furiousdust storms, into a placesuitablefor life. Katrin wasthe head of the terraformingteam. Davout led its researchdivision.Betweenthem, raining nano from Sarpedon'sblack filled its skies,they nursedthe planetto life, enrichedits atmosphere, seas,crafted tough, versatilevegetation capable of withstanding the angryenvironment.Seededlife by the tensof millions,insects,reptiles, with dark, themselves, birds,mammals,fish, and amphibians.Re-created leatheryskin and slit pupils, ashuman forms suitablefor Sarpedon'senvironment,sothat they could examinethe placetheyhad built. And-unknown to the others-Davout and Katrin had slipped bits of their own geneticsinto almosteverySarpedanlife-form.Bits of redundantcoding,mostly,but enoughsothattheycould claim Sarpedon's entireworld of creaturesastheir children.Evenwhen they werejunior terraformerson the Cheng Ho's mission to Rhea, they had, partly as a joke,partly as somethingmore calculated,populatedtheir creations with their genes. Katrin and Davout spent the last two yearsof their proiect on Sarpedonamong their children, examiningthe differentecosystems,
Lethe t75 In the end saqpetinkeringwith new adaptations. differentinteractions, don was certified as suitablefor human habitation.Preprogrammed nanosconstructedsmall towns,laid out fields,parks,and roads'The first human Sarpedanswould be constructedin nanobeds,and their minds filled with the downloadedpersonalitiesof volunteersfrom Earth.There wasno needto go to the expenseand troubleof shipping out millions of warm bodiesfrom Earth, running the risksof traveling for decadesin remotespace.Not when nanoscould constructthem all new on site. slit-eyed-emerged The first Sarpedans-bald,leather-skinned, blinking into their new red dawn.Any further terraforming,any attempts to fine-tune the planet and make it more Earthlike, would be a longterm proiect and up to them. In a splendidceremony'Captain Moshweshwe formally turned the future of Sarpedon over to its new inhabitants.Davouthad a few lastformalitiesto perform,handingcerbut the restof tain computercodesand protocolsoverto the Saqpedans, the terraformingteam, most fairly drunk on champagne,filed into the shuttle for the return iourney to the Beagle.As Davout bent over a terminal with his Sarpedancolleaguesand the Beagle'sfirst ofEcer,he could hearthe roarof the shuttleon its pad,the sustainedthunderasit climbed for orbit, the thud asit crashedthrough the soundbarrier, and then he sawout of the corner of his eyethe suddenred-goldflare . . . When he racedoutsideit wasto seethe blazingPoPpyunfolding in the sky,a blossomof fire and metal falling slowlyto the surfaceof the newlychristenedplanet. There shewas- her imageanyway- in the neo-Gothicarmchair; Red Katrin, the green-eyedlady with whom he in memory, and Old Davout in reality,had first exchangedglancestwo cenhtriesago while Dolphusexpandedon whathe calledhis "lunaforming." Davout had hesitatedabout returning her call of condolence'He did not know whetherhis heartcould sustaintwo knifethrusts,both Kaand foreverbetrin's deathand the sightof her sib, alive,sympathetic, yond his reach. But he couldn't not callher. Even when he washying not to think about her, he still found Katrin on the edgeof his perceptions,drifting throughhis thoughtslike the persistenttraceof somefamiliarperfume.
176 NebulaAwards Showcase 2000 Time to get it overwith, he thought.If it wasmore than he could stand,he could apologizeand end the call. But he had to know. . . "And there are no backups?"she said.A pensivefrown touched her lips. "No recentbackups,"Davout said."We alwaysthought that, if we were to die, we would die together.Spacehavel is hazardous,after all, and when catashophe strikesit is not a smallcatastrophe. We didn't anticipateone of us survivinga catastropheon Earth, and the other dying light-yearsaway."He scowled. "Damn Moshweshwe anyway!There wererecentbackupson the Beagle,but with somanydeadfrom an undeterminedcausehe decided not to resurrectanyone,to cancel our trip to Astoreth,return to Earth, and sortout all the complicationsoncehe got home." "He madethe right decision,"Katrinsaid."lf my sib had beenresurrected,you both would havedied together." Davout'sfingers began to form the mudra, but he thought better of it, madea gestureof negation. The greeneyesnarrowed."There areolder backupson Earth,yes?" "Katrin's latest surviving backup dates from the rehrrn of the ChengHo." "Almost ninety yearsago." Though$ully. "But she could upload the memoriesshehasbeen sendingme.. . the problemdoesnot seem insurmountable." Red Katrin claspedher handsaroundone knee.At the familiar gesture, memoriesrang through Davout'smind like change-bells.Vertigo overwhelmedhim, and he closedhis eyes. "The problemis the instructionsKatrin-we both-Ieft," he said. "Again,we anticipatedthat if we died, we'd die together.And so we left inshuctionsthat our backupson Earth werenot to be employed.We reasonedthat we had two sibsapieceon Earth,and if they-you-missed us,you could simplyduplicateyourselves." "I see."A pause,then concern."Areyou all right?" "Of coursenot,"he said.He openedhis eyes.The world eddiedfor a moment,then stilled,the growingcalmnesscenteredon Red Kahin'sgreeneyes. "I've gotseventy-odd years'backpay,"he said."l supposethat I could hire somelawyers,try to get Katrint backupreleasedto my custody."
Lethe 777 Red Katrin bit her nether lip. "Recent court decisionsare not in your favor." "l'm verypersistent. And I'm cash-rich." She cockedher head,lookedat him. "Areyou all right talking to me? Should I blank my image?" He shookhis head."lt helps,actually,to seeyou." He had fearedagonyin seeingher,but insteadhe found a growing joy, a happinessthat mounted in his heart.As always,his Katrin was helpinghim to makesenseof the bitter conhelpinghim to understand, fusionof the world. An ideabeganto creepinto his mind on stealthyfeet. "l worrythatyou'realonethere,"RedKatrinsaid'"Would you like to come staywith us?Would you like us to come to fava?" "I'll come seeyou soon,"Davoutsaid."But while I'm in the hospital,I think I'll have a few cosmeticprocedures."He lookeddown at himself,spreadhis leatheryhands."PerhapsI should look a little moreEarthlike." After his talk with Katrin ended,Davoutcalled Dr. Li and told him that he wanteda new bodyconstructed. Somethingfamiliar,he said,alreadyin the files.His own, original form. Agetwentyor so. "lt is a surpriseto seeyou . . . asyou are,"saidSilentDavout. Deep-voiced,black-skinned,and somber, Davout'ssib stood by his bed. "lt was a useful body when I wore it," Davout answered."I take comfort in. . . familiar things.. . now that my life is so uncertain."He lookedup. "It wasgoodof you to comein person." 'A holographicbody," taking Davout'shand, "howeverwelcome, howeverfamiliar,is not the sameasa realperson." the hand."Welcome,then,"he said.Dr. Li, who Davoutsqueezed had supervisedin personthrough the new/old body'sassembly,had left aftersayingthe nanoswere done,so it seemedappropriatefor Davout to standand embracehis sib. The youngestof the sibswasnot tall, but he wasbuilt solidly,asif for permanence,and his head seemedslightlyoversizedfor his body.
778 NebulaAwards 2000 Showcase With his older sibshe had alwaysmaintaineda kind of formal reserve that had resultedin his being nicknamed"the Silent."Acceptingthe name,he remarkedthat the reasonhe spokelittle when the otherswere aroundis that his oldersibshad alreadysaideverythingthat neededsaying beforehe got to it. Davout steppedback and smiled."Your patientsmust think you a tower of stren$h." "I haveno patientsthesedays.Mostly I work in the realmoftheory." "I will haveto look up your work.I'm sofar behind on uploads-I don't have any idea what you and Katrin have been doing theselast decades." Silent Davout steppedto the armoire and opened its ponderous mahoganydoors."Perhaps you shouldput on someclothing,"he said."l am feelingchill in this conditionedair,and so mustyou." Amused, Davout clothed himself, then sat acrossthe little rosewoodsidetablefrom his sib.Davoutthe Silentlookedat him for a long moment-eyes placidand though$rl-and then spoke. "You are experiencingsomethingthat is very rare in our time," he said."Loss,anger,frustration,terror.All the emotionsthat in their totality equalgief;' "You forgotsadness and regret,"Davout said."You forgot memory, and how the memorieskeepreplaying.You forgotimagination,andhow imaginationonly makesthosememoriesworse,becauseimaginationallowsyou to write a differentending,but the world will not." Silent Davout nodded."Peoplein my profession,"fingersforming , "anywaythoseborn too late to rememberhow common these things once were, must view you with a certain clinical interest.I must commendDr. Li on his restraint." "Dr. Li is a shrink?"Davoutasks. A casualpressof fingers."Amongother things.I'm surehe's watchingyou very carefullyand making little noteseverytime he leaves the room.' "I'm happyto be useful." in his hand, bitternesson his tongue."l would givethosepeoplemy memories,if theywant them so much." "You can do that."Davoutlookedup in something like surprise.
Lethe 179 "You know it is possible,"his sib said. "You can download your memories,preservethem like amber,or simply hand them to someone And you can erasethem from your rnind completely, elseto experience. walk on into a new life, tabula rasa andfree of pain." His deep voice wassoft. It wasa voice without affect, one he no doubt used on his patients,quietly insistentwithout being officious' A or presentedalternatives,but which nevel, voicethat made suggestions, ever,gaveorders. "l don't wantthat,"Davoutsaid. Silent Davout'sfingerswerestill setin ."You are not of the generationthatacceptssuchthingsasa matterof course,"he said. "But this, lhis modularapproachto memory,to being, constitutesmuch of my work thesedays." Davoutlookedat him. "lt mustbe like losinga pieceof yourself,to giveup a memory.Memoriesarewhat makeyou." ashis deepvoicesounded SilentDavout'sfaceremainedimpassive "What forms a human psycheis not a through the void betweenthem. memory,we havecometo believe,but a patternof thought.When our sib duplicatedhimself,he duplicatedhis patternin us;and when we assemblednew bodiesto live in, the patterndid not change.Haveyou felt yourselfa differentpersonwhen you took a new body?" Davout passeda hand overhis head,felt the fine blond hair coverhis headhad beenbald and leathery. ing his scalp.This time yesterday, Now he felt subtledifferencesin his perceptions-his visionwasmore acute, his hearing less so-and his muscle memory was somewhat askew.He rememberedhavinga shorterreach,a slightlydifferentcenter of gravity. - no, he felt himself unchanged'He But asfor himself,his essence wasstill Davout. he signed. "Peoplehavemore choicesthan everbefore,"saidSilent Davout. "They choosetheir bodies,they choosetheir memories.They can uploadnew knowledge,new skills.Ifthey feela lackofconfidence,or feel that their behavioris too impulsive,they cantweaktheir bodychemistry to producea differenteffect.If they find themselvesthe victim of an uncompulsion,the compulsioncanbe editedfrom forhrnateor destructive their being. If they lack the power to changetheir circumstances,they
180 NebulaAwards Showcase 2000 can at leastelect to feel happierabout them. If a memory cannot be overcome,it can be eliminated." "And you now spend your time dealing with these problems?" Davoutasked. "They are not problems,"his sib said gently. "They are not synThey are part of the conThey are circumstances. dromesor neuroses. it today. They are environmental."The large, dition of life as exists impassive over eyesgazedsteadilyat Davout."Peoplechoosehappiness sorrow,fulfillment overftustration.Can you blame them?" Davout signed. "lf they deny the evidenceof their own we overcome, lives,"he said."We defineour existence by the challenges or thosewe don't. Even our hagediesdefine us." His sib nodded."That is an admirablephilosophy-for Davout the Conqueror,But not all peopleareconquerors." Davout shoveto keepthe impatienceftom his voice."Lessonsare Experienceis gained,life's Iearnedfrom failuresas well as successes. occurrence.If we deny the usesof knowledgeis appliedto subseguent experience,what is there to makeus human?" arenegative,and His sib waspatient."sometimesthe experiences so are the lessons.Would you have a person live forever under the shadowof greatguilt, sayfor a foolish mistakethat resultedin injury or death to someoneelse;or would you have them live with the consequencesof damageinflicted by a sociopath,or an abusivefamily member?Thaumaslike thesecan cripple the whole being. Why should the damagenot be repaired?" Davoutsmiledthinly."You can't tell me that thesetechniquesare used only in casesof deep trauma," he said. "You can't tell me that peoplearen'tusingthesetechniquesfor reasonsthat might be deemed trivial.Editingout a foolishremarkmadeat a party,or eliminatinga bad vacationor an argumentwith the spouse." Silent Davoutreturnedhis smile."I would not insult your intellithesethingsdo not happen." genceby suggesting Davout signed. "So how do such people mature? Change?Grow in wisdom?" "They cannotedit out everything.There is sufficientfriction and conflict in the courseof ordinarylife to provideeveryonewith their allotted
Lethe 181 portion of wisdom.Nowadaysour livesarevery,very long,and we have a long time to learn,howeverslowly.And afterall," smiling, "the average person'scapacityfor wisdomhasneverbeensolargeasall that.I think you will find that asa specieswe arefar lessproneto folly than we oncewere." Davoutlookedat his sib grimly. "You aresuggestingthat I undergo this technique?" "It is calledLethe." "That I undergoLethe?ForgetKatrin?Or forgetwhatI feelfor her?" Silent Davout slowly shookhis gravehead. "I make no such suggestion." "Good." The youngestDavoutgazedsteadilyinto the eyesof his oldertwin. "Only you know what you can bear.I merelypoint out that this remedy exists,shouldyou find your anguishbeyondwhatyou can endure." "Katrin deserves mourning,"Davoutsaid. Anothergravenod. "Yes." "She deserves to be remembered.Who will rememberher if I do not?" "l understand,"saidSilent Davout."I understandyour desireto I only mentionLethebecauseI comprehendall feel,and the necessity. he lickedhis lips,"I, too, have too well whatyou endurenow.Because," lost Katrin." " he stammered."She is-she was Davoutgapedat killed?" His sib'sfaceretainedits remarkableplacidity."She left me, sixteenyearsago." Davout could only stare.The fact, statedso plainly, was incomprehensible. "I-" he began, and then his fingersfound another thought. <What happened?> "We were together for a cenhrry and a half. We grew apart. It Nof fo us it doesn't!Davoutt mind protested.Nof to Davout and Katrin! Not to the two peoplewho makeup a whole greaterthan its parts. Not to us.Not ever.
2000 Showcase t82 NebulaAwards But looking into his sibt accepting,melancholyface, Davout knew that it had to be true. And then, in a way he knew to be utterly disloyal,he began to hope. "Shocking?"saidOld Davout."Not to us, I suppose." "It wastheir downloads,"saidRed Katrin. "Fair Katrin in particular wascarefulto edit out someof her feelingsand iudgmentsbeforeshe let me upload them, but still I could seeher attitudeschanging.And by what sheleft out. . . . I remember knowing her, I could makeguesses telling Davout three yearsbeforethe split that the relationshipwas in jeopardy." "The Silent One wasstill surprised,though,when it happened," Old Davout said."sophisticatedthough he may be about human nature, he had a blind spotwhere Katrin wasconcerned."He put an arm 'As I supposewe all do," around Red Kahin and kissedher cheek. he added. Katrin acceptedthe kisswith a graciousinclination of her head, then askedDavout,"Would you like the blue room here,or the green The greenroom hasa windowseatand a fine view of the room upstairs? bay,but it's small." "I'll take the green room," Davout said.I do not need so much room, he thought,now that I am alone. Katrin took him up the creakingwoodenstairand showedhim the room, the narrowbed of the old house.Through the window he could look south to a storm on ChesapeakeBay,blue-graycloud, bright erup tions of lightning, slantingbeamsof sunlight that droppedthrough rents in the stormto teasebright winking light from the foam.He watchedit for a long moment,then wasstartledout of reverieby Katrin'shand on his shoulder,and a softvoicein his ear. "Are there sightslike this on other worlds?" "The stormson Rheawerevast,"Davoutsaid,"like nothing on this world.The oceanareais greaterthan that on Earth, and lies mostlyin the tropics-the planetwasalmostcalledOceanuson thataccount.The hurricanesbuilt up around the equatorialbelts with nothing to stop them, sometimesmore than a thousandkilometersacross,and they cameroaring into the temperatezoneslike multi-armeddemons,sometimesone
Lethe 183 and cyclonesin their afteranotherfor months.They spawnedwaterspots vanguard,inundatedwhole areaswith a storm surgethe sizeof a small ocean, dumped enough rain to flood an entire province away... . We thought seriouslythat the stormsmight makelife on land untenable." He went on to explainthe solution he and Katrin had devisedfor the enormousproblem:hugestringsof tall, rockybarrierislandsbuilt at a wall for wind and stormsurgeto break a furiousrateby nanomachines, against;a speciesof silvery,tropical floatingweed,a flowerygirdle about Rhea'sthick waist,that radicallyincreasedsurfacealbedo,refecting moreheatbackinto space.Many speciesof deeprooted,vinelikeplants to anchorslopesand preventerosion,otherspeciesofthirstytrees,adaptations of cottonwoodsand willows, to line streambedsand break the powerofflash foods. Planetaryengineeringon suchan enormousscale,in sucha short time, had neverbeenattempted,not evenon Mars,and it had beendifficult for Katrin and Davout to sell the project to the proieci managers on the ChengHo. Their superiorshad initially preferreda different ap proach,huge equatorialsolarcurtains deployedin orbit to refect heat, squadronsof orbital beam weaponsto blastand dispersestormsas they formed, secureundergrounddwellingsfor the inhabitants,complex lock and canal systemsto control flooding.... Katrin and Davout had arguedfor a more elegantapproachto Rhea'sproblems,a relianceon organic systemsto modify the planeti extremeweatherinsteadof assaulting Rheawith macro-techand engineering.Theirs wasthe approach that finally won the support of the majority of the terraformingteam, and resultedin their subsequentappointmentasheadsof Beagle'stenaforming team. "Dark Katrin'smemorieswere very excitingto upload during that time," said Kahin the Red. "That delirious explosionof creativity! Watchinga whole globetake shapebeneathher feet!" Her greeneyes look up into Davout's."We werejealousof you then.All thatabundance being created,all that talent going to shapingan entire world. And we wereconfinedto scholarship, which seemedso lifelessby comparison." 'iA,re He looked at her. you sorry for the choice you made?You two were senior:you could havechosenour path if you'd wished.You still could, cometo that." A smile drifts acrossher face. "You tempt me, truly. But Old
184 Nebuta Awards 2000 Showcase Davout and I are hrppy in our work-and besides,you and Katrin She neededsomeoneto providea proper recordof your adventures." "Perhaps you should tilted her head,and mischiefglitteredin her eyes. askBlondeKatrin.Maybeshecould usea change." Davoutgavea guilty start:shewas,he thought,seeingtoo near,too soon."Do youthink so?"he asked."l didn'tevenknowif I shouldseeher." "Her grudgeis with the Silent One, not with you." "Well." He manageda smile."PerhapsI will at leastcall." Davout called Katrin the Fair, receivedan offer of dinner on the followingday,accepted.From his room he followedthe smellof coffee into his hosts'office, and felt a bubble of grief lodge in his heart: two two computerterminals,layersof papersand books desks,back-to-back, dust. . . he couldimaginehimselfand Katrinhere,sip and andprintout ping coffee,workingin pleasantcompatibility. he signed. His sib lookedup. "I iust senta chapterto Sheol,"he said."l was making Maxwell far too wise."He fingeredhis little goatee."The temp tation is alwaysto view the pastsolelyasa vehicle that leadsto our present grandeur.Thesepeople'ssolefunctionwasto produceus,who areof courseperfectlywiseand noble and far superiorto our ancestors.Soone assumesthat thesepeople had us in mind all along, that we were what they were working toward.I have to keep reminding myself that these and ignoranceand supeoplelived amid unimaginabletragedy,disease perstition,vile little wars,terriblepoverty,anddeath.. ." He stopped,suddenlyawarethat he'd saidsomethingawkwardDavoutfelt the word vibratein his bone,asif he werestrandedinsidea bell that wasstill singingafterit had beenstruck-but he said,"Go on." "I remind myself,"his sib continued,"that the fact that we live in a modern culture doesn'tmakeus better,it doesn'tmake us superiorto theyhad to overcomeso thesepeople- in factit enlargesthem,because much more than we in order to realizethemselves,in order to accomplish asmuch asthey did."A shysmiledriftedacrosshis face."And soa iathe. s*ug chapteris wiped out of digital existence'" "Lavoisieris looming,"commentedRedKatrinfrom her machine' "Yes,tlat too," Old Davout agreed.His Lavoisierand His Agehad won the McEldowney Prize and been shortlistedfor other awards.
Lethe 185 Davout could well imaginethat bringing Maxwell up to Lavoisief s mag isterialstandards would be intimidating. Red Katrin leanedback in her chair,combedher hair backwith her fingers."l madea few notesaboutthe Beagleproject,"shesaid."l haveother commitmentsto deal with first, of course." She and Old Davout had avoidedany conflicts of interestand interpretationby convenientlydividinghistorybetweenthem: shewould write of the "modern" world and her near-contemporaries, while he wrote of thosesecurelyin the past.Davoutthoughthis sib had the advantagein this arrangement,becauseher subjects,as time progressed, graduallyenteredhis domain,and becameliableto his reinterpretation. Davout clearedawaysomeprintout, saton the edgeof Red klatrin's 'A desk. thoughtkeepsbotheringme," he said."In our civilizationwe record everything.But the lastmomentsof the crew of the Beaglewenl unrecorded.Doesthatmeantheydo not exist?Neverexistedat all?That death wasalwaystheir state,and they returned to it, like virtual matter dyinginto the vacuumfrom which it came?" Concern darkenedRed Katrin'seyes."They will be remembered," shesaid."I will seeto it." "Katrin didn't downloadthe lastmonths,did she?" "The lasteightmonthswereneversent.Shewasverybusy, and- " "Virtual months,then. Gone backto the phantomzone." "There arerecords.Other crewsentdownloadshome,and I will see if I cangainaccesseitherto the downloads,or to their friendsand relations who haveexperiencedthem. There is your memory,your downloads." He lookedat her."Will you uploadmy memory,then?My sib has everythingin his files,I'm sure."Glancingat Old Davout. Shepressedher lips together."That would be difficult for me.Me viewingyouviewingher. . ." Sheshookher head."I don't dare.Not now. Not when we'reall still in shock." Disappointmentgnawedat his insideswith sharprodentteeth.He did not wantto be soalonein his grief;he didn't wantto nourishall the sadness by himself. He wantedto shareit with Katrin, he knew,the personwith whom he sharedeverything.Katrin could help him makesenseof it, the wayshe clarifiedall the worldfor him. Katrinwouldcomprehendthe wayhe felt.
2000 Showcase 186 NebulaAwards he signed.His frustrationmusthavebeenplain to Red Katrin, becauseshetook his hand, lifted her greeneyesto his' "lwiII," shesaid."But not now. I'm not ready." "I don't want fwo wrecksin the house,"calledOld Davoui overhis shoulder. Interfering old bastard,Davout thought. But with his free hand he signed,again,, Katrin the FairkissedDavout'scheek,then stoodback,holding his hands,and narrowedher grayeyes."I'm not sureI approveofthis youthful body of yours,"she said."You haven'tlookedlike this in-whatovera century?" "PerhapsI seekto evokehappiertimes,"Davout said. A little frown touchedthe cornersof her mouth. "That is always She stepped dangerous,"she iudged."But I wish you everysuccess." "Please comein." backfrom the door,flung out an arm. with a view of the Toulouse, in aparhnent in a small She lived All6e Saint-Micheland the rose-redbrick of the Vieux Quartier. On the wallshung terra-cottaiconsof Usil and Tiv, the Ehuscan whitewashed godsof the sun and moon, and a well coverwith a figureof the demon Charun emergingfrom the underworld.The Ehuscandeitieswere confronted, on another wall, by a bronze figure of the Gaulish Rosmerta, consortof the absentMercurius. Her little balcony was bedeckedwith wrought iron and a gay stripedawning.In front of the balconya table shimmeredunder a red anJ white checkedtablecloth:crystal,porcelain,a wicker basketof bread,a bottle of wine. Cooking scentsfoated in from the kitchen. "lt smellswonderful,"Davoutsaid. Lifting the bottle. <Why not?> wine waspoured.They settledonto the sofa,chattedof weather, crowds,fava. Davout'smemoriesof the trip that Silent Davout and his Katrin had takento the islandwere more recentthan hers' FairKatrin tookhis hand."I haveuploadedDark IGhint memories, so far as I havethem," she said."She loved you, you know-absolutely, deeply." Shebit her netherlip. "It wasa remarkablething'" <Tiuth> Davoutanswered.He touchedcool crystalto his lips,took a careful sip of his cabernet.Pain throbbed in the hollowsof his heart.
Inthe 187 "Yes."he said,"l know." "I felt I should tell you about her feelings.Particularlyin view of what happenedwith me and the Silent One." He lookedat her. "l confessI do not understandthat business." She made a little frown of distaste."We and our work and our sitYou may uploadhis memoriesif you uation grewirksome.Oppressive. Iike-l daresayyou will be able to observethe signsthat he wasdetermined to ignore." Cloudsgatheredin her grayeyes."1,too, haveregrets." "There is no chanceof reconciliation?" , accompaniedby a brief shakeof the head. "lt was over." "And, in any case,Davout the Silent is not the man he was." "He took Lethe. It wasthe only wayhe had of gettingovermy leaving him." Pure amazementthrobbed in Davout'ssoul. Fair lGtrin looked at in him surprise. "You didn't know?" He blinked at her. "I shouldhave.But I thought he wastalking about me, abouta way of gettingover. . ." Aching sadness brimmed in "Over his throat. the way my Dark Katrin left me." Scornwhitenedthe fesh about Fair Katrint noshils."That'sthe SilentOne for you. He didn't havethe nerveto tell you outright." "l'm not sure that'shue. He may havethought he wasspeaking plainlyenough-" Her fingersformed a mudra that gavevent to a brand of disdain that did not translateinto words."He kncws his effectsperfectly well," shesaid."He wastrying to suggestthe ideawithout making it clear that this washis choicefor you, that he wanted you to fall in line with his theories." Anger was clear in her voice. She rose, stalked angrily to the bronzeof Rosmerta,adjustedits placeon the wall by a millimeteror so. Turned,wavedan arm. <Apologies>,flung to the air. "Lett eat.Silent Davout is the last personI want to talk aboutright now." "I'm sorry I upsetyou." Davout wasnot sorry at all: he found this
2000 Showcase 188 NebulaAwards displayfascinating.The gestures,the tone of voice,were utterly familiar, ringing like chimesin his heart;but the style,IhewayFair Katrin avoided the issue,wasdifferent.Dark Katrin neverwould havefled a subiectthis way:shewould haveknit her browsand confrontedthe problem directly, engagedwith it until she'deither reachedunderstandingor catastrophe. Either way,she'dhavelaughed,and tossedher darkhair, and announced that now sheunderstood. "It's peasantcooking," Katrin the Fair said as she bustled to the kitchen, "which of courseis the bestkind." The main coursewasa rago0tof veal in a velout6sauce,beans cookedsimply in butter and garlic,tossedsalad,bread.Davoutwaited until it washalf consumed,and the bottle of wine mostly gone,before he daredto speakagainof his sib. "You mentionedthe Silent One and his theories,"he said' "l'm thirty yearsbehind on his downloads,and I haven't read his latest work-what is he up to?Whatb all this theorizingabout?" She sighed, fingers ringing a frustrated rhythm on her glass' Looked out the window for a moment, then conceded'"Has he mentionedthe modulartheoryof the psyche?" Davout tried to remember."He said somethingabout modular memory,Iseemto recall." ,,That's part of it. It's a fairly radicaltheory that statesihat a andabilitiesat will, ascircumstances peopleshouldedittheir personality dictate.That one morning, say,if you're going to work, you upload appropriate memories,and work skills, along with a doseof ambition, of resolution,and some appropriateemotionslike satisfactionand eagernessto solveproblems,or enduredrudgery,asthe casemay be'" Davout lookedat his plate."Like cookery,then," he said."Like this parsley." dish- veal,carrots,onions,celery,mushrooms, FairKatrin madea mudrathat Davoutdidn't recognize'<Sorry?> he signed. 'harde-har-har'"' Fin"Oh. Apologies.That one means'roughly, ger formed ,then <sarcasm>,then slurredthem together' "See?" He pouredmore wine into her glass' Sheleanedforwardacrossher plate."Recipesare fine if one wants lobeconsumed,"shesaid."survival is anothermatter.The human mind
Lethe 189 is more than just ingredientsto be tossedtogether.The atomisticview of the psycheis simplistic,dangerous,andwrong.Youcannotwil/ a psyche to be whole, no matterhow many wholeness modulesare uploaded.A psycheis more than the sum of its parts." Wine and agitationburnishedher cheeks.Convictionblazedfrom her eyes."It takestime to integratenew experience,new abilities.The modulartheoristsclaim this will be done by a 'conductor,'anartificial intelligence that will be able to judge between alternatepersonalities and abilities and upload whatever'sneeded. But that's such rubbish, I-" She lookedat the knife shewaswaving,then permitted it to return to the table. "How far arethe SilentOne and his cohortstowardrealizingthis ambition?"Davoutsaid. Shelookedat him. "I didn't makethat clear?"she "The said. technologyis alreadyhere. Itt happening.Peopleare fragmenting their psychesdeliberatelyand trusting to their conductorsto makesenseof it all. And they'rehoppywith their choices,becausethat's the only emotion they permit themselvesto upload from their supply." She clenched her teeth, glancedangrily out the window at the Vieux walls.'All haditionalpsycholoryis aimedat Quartier! sunset-burnished integration,at wholeness. And now it's all to be thrownaway..." She flung her hand out the window. Davout'seyesautomaticallyfollowedan invisible object on its arc &om her fingerstowardthe street. 'And how doesthis theory work in practice?"Davout asked."fue the streetsfilled with psychological wrecks?" Bitternesstwistedher lips. "Psychologicalimbeciles,more like. Executing their conductors'orders,docile as well-fed children, hrppy asclams.They uploadpassions-anger,grief,loss-as artificialexperiences,secondhand from someoneelse,usuallysotheycantell theirconductor to avoid such emotions in the future. They are not people anymore,they're.. ." Her eyestumed to Davout. "You saw the Silent One," she said. "Would you call him a person?" "I waswith him for only a day,"Davout said."I noticed something of a. . ." <Standby> he signed,searchingfor the word. "Lack of affect?"she interposed.'A demeanormarked by an extreme placidity?"
2000 Showcase 190 NebulaAwards he signed. "When it wasclearI wouldn'tcomebackto him, he wroteme out of his memoryi' Fair Katrin said. "He replacedthe memorieswith we went to such-andfacts-he knowshe wasmarried to me, he knows a paper-but there'snothing else such a placeor wrotesuch-and-such there.No feelings,no real memoriesgood or bad, no understanding, nothing left from almosttwo centuriestogether."Tearsglittered in her eyes."I'd ratherhe felt anything at all - I'd ratherhe hatedme than feel this apathy!" Davout reachedacrossthe little table and took her hand. "[t is his decision,"he said,"and his loss." ,,his allour loss,"shesaid.Reflectedsunsetflavoredher tearswith the color of roses."The man we loved is gone.And millions are gone with him-millions of little half-alivesouls,programmedfor happiness and unconcern."She tipped the bottle into her glass,receivedonly a sluicingof dregs. "Let's haveanother,"shesaid. When he left, somehourslater,he embracedher, kissedher, let his lips linger on hersfor perhapsan extrahalf-second.Sheblinked up at him in wine-muddledsurprise,and then he took his leave' "How did you find my sib?"Red Katrin asked' "Unhappy," Davout said."Confused' Lonely, I think' Living in a little apartmentlike a cell, with iconsand memories'" iI kno*t she signed,and turned on him a knowing green-eyed look. "Are you planning on taking her awayfrom all that?To the stars' perhaps?" "l Davout'ssurprisewas brief. He looked away and murmured, didn't know I wassotransParent." A smiletouchedher lips.<Apologies>shesigned."l've lived with so Old Davout for nearlytwo hundred years'You and he haven'tgrown so do very far apart in that time. My fair sib deserveshappiness'and you are if I wonder But you. . . if you can provideit, somuch the better' not moving too fast,if you havethought it all out'" Mouingfast,Davoutwondered'Hislifeseemedsoveryslownow' a creepingdancewith agony,eachmove a lifetime'
Lethe 191 He glancedout at Chesapeake Bay,sawhis secondperfectsunset in only a few hours-the samesunsethe'd watchedfrom Fair Katrin's apartment,now radiatingits red glorieson the other sideof the Atlantic. A few water-skaters spedtowardhome on their silverblades.He satwith Red Katrin on a porch swing,Iooking down the long greenswardto the bayfront,the old wooden pier, and the sparklingwater,that profound, deepblue that sangof home to Davout'ssoul. Red Kanin wrappedherself againstthe breeze in a fringed, autumn{olored shawl. Davout sippedcoffee from gold-rimmed porcelain, set the cup into its saucer. "I wonderedif I wasbeinguntrueto my Katrin,"he said."But they are really the sameperson,aren't they?If I were to pursuesomeother woman now, I would know I wascommitting a betrayal.But how can I betrayKatrin with herself?" An uncertain look crossedRed Katrint face. "I've downloaded them both," hesitantly,"and I'm not certain that the Dark and Fair Katrins arequitethe sameperson.Or everwere." Not the same-of coursehe knew that. Fair klatrinwasnot a perfect copy of her older sib-she had flaws,clearenough.Shehad been damaged,somehow.But the flawscould be worked on, the damagerepaired.Conquered.There wasinfinite time. He would seeit done. "And how do your sibsdiffer,then?"he asked."Other than obviousdifferencesin condition and profession?" Shedrewher legsup and restedher chin on her knees.Her green eyeswere pensive."Matters of love,"shesaid,"and happiness." And further shewould not say. Davout took Fair Katrin to Thngier for the afternoonand walked with her up on the old palacewalls.Belowthem, white in the sun,the curvedmole built by CharlesII cleavedthe Middle Sea,a thin crescent moon laid upon the perfectshimmeringazure.(Home!home!,the waters cried.) The sea breezelashed her blond hair acrossher face. snappedlittle sonicboomsfrom the sleeves of his shirt. "l have sampledsome of the Silent One's downloads,"Davout said."I wished to discoverthe nature of this artificial hanquillity with which he hasendowedhimself." Fair Kahin's lips twisted in distaste,and her fingersformed a scatologue.
2000 Showcase 792 NebulaAwards "lt was.. . interesting," Davoutsaid."There wasa shange'uncomplicatedquality of blissto it. I rememberexperiencingthe downloadof a mastersitting zazenonce,and it wasan experienceof a similar cast." "It may have been the exactsamesensation."Sourly."He may experienceand slottedit into his brain. havejusi copiedthe zen master's That's how mosf of the vampiresdo it-award themselvesthe ioy they haven'tearned." "That's a calvinisiic point of view," Davoui offered' "That happinesscan't iusthappen,that it hasto be earned." Shefrownedout at the sea."There is a differencebetweenreal experienceand artificial or recapitulativeexperience.lf that'scalvinist,so be it." Davout signed."Call me a calvinistsympathizer,then' I havebeen enoughplaces,done enoughthings,so that it mattersto me that I wasactuallythereand not living out someprogrammeddreamof life on otherworlds.I've experiencedmy sibs'downloads-livedsignificant partsof their lives,momentby moment-but it is not the sameas my liie, asbeingme. I am,"he said,leaning elbowson the palacewall, "l am myself,I am the sum of everythingthat happenedto me, I stand on this wall, I am watchingthis sea,I am watchingit with you, and no one elsehashad this experience,nol evel shall,it is ours,it belongs tous..." she lookedup at him, straw-hairflying overan unreadableexpression."Davoutthe Conqueror,"shesaid. he signed."l did not conqueralone'" "I Shenodded,holdinghis eyesfor a long moment."Yes,"shesaid. know." He tookKatrinthe Fairin his armsandkissedher.Therewasa moment'sstiffsurprise,and then shebeganto laugh, helplesspealsbursting to react,and againsthis lips. He held her for a moment,too suqprised th.r, ,h. broke free. She reeled along the wall, leaning for support againstthe old stones.Davout followed, babbling, "I'm sorry,I didn't meanto-" Sheleanedback againstthe wall. Wordsburst half-hystericalfrom unamusedlaughter."So that's her lips, in betweenburstsof desperate, what you were after!My Godl As if I hadn't had enough of you all after all theseyears!"
Lethe 193 "I apologize,"Davoutsaid."Let'sforgetthis happened.I'll takeyou home." She looked up at him, the laughtergone, blazing anger in its place."The SilentOne and I would havebeenall right if it hadn'tbeen for you-for our sibs!"Sheflung her wordslike daggers, her voicebreaking with passion."Youlot werethe eldest,you'dalreadyparceledout the world betweenyou.You wereonly interestedin psycholog,becausemy damnedRedsib and your Old one wantedinsightinto the characters in their histories,and becauseyou and your darkbitch wanteda theoryof the psycheto aid you in building communitieson otherworlds.We only got createdbecauseyau weretoodamnedlazy to do yourown research!" Davoutstood,stunned. he signed,"That'snot-" "We werethird," shecried."We wereborn in third place.We got the jobsyou wantedleast,and while you older sibswerewinning fame and glory, we were stuck in work that didn't suit, that you'd eastoff, awardedto us as if we were charity cases-" She steppedcloser,and Davout wasamazedto find a white-knuckledfist being shakenin his face."My husbandwascalledThe Silent becausehis sibshad already usedup all the words! He wasthird-rateand knew rl.lt destroyed himl Now he'spluggingartificial satisfactioninto his head becauseitt the only wayhe'll everfeel it." "If you didn't like your life,"Davoutsaid,"you couldhavechanged it. Peoplestartoverall the time-we'd havehelped."He reachedtoward her. "I can help you to the stars,if that'swhatyou want." Shebacked away."The only help we everneededwasto get rid of you!"A mudra,,echoedthe sarcastic laughteron Fair Katrint lips."Andnow therebanothergapin your life, and you want me to fill it-not thistime." her fingersechoed.The laughterbubbledfrom her throatagain. She fled, leavinghim alone and dazedon the palace the boomingwind mockinghis feebleprotests. "l am huly sorry,"Red Katrin said.Sheleanedcloseto him on the porchswing,touchedsoftlipsto his cheek."Eventhoughsheeditedher downloads,I could tell she resentedus-but I truly did not know how shewould react."
2000 Showcase 194 NebulaAwards Davout wasfrantic. He could feel Katrin slipping farther and farther away,as if she were on the edgeof a precipice and her handholds were crumbling awaybeneathher clawedfingers' .,Is whatshesaidtrue?"he asked."Havewe beenslightingthem all theseyears?Usingthem, assheclaims?" :'P.rh"ps th" hrd somejustificationonce,"Red Katrin said'"I do not rememberanythingof the sortwhen we wereyoung,when I wasuPgrowing loadingFair Katrin almosteveryday.But now,"her expression .,theseare mature people, not without resourcesor intellisevere, old, gence- I can,thelp but think that surelyafter a Personis a century any problemsthat remain arc her fatll." As he rockedon the porchswinghe could feel a wildnessrisingin him. My God he thought,I am goingto be alone' His brief daysof hope were gone' He staredout at the bay-the choppy water was too rough for any but the most dedicatedwaterof a sk"t ir-"nd felt the pain pressingon his brain,like the two thumbs practicedsadistdigginginto the backof his skull' "I wonder," he said."Have you given any further thought to up loadingmy memories?" Shelookedat him curiously."lt's scarcelytime yet'" "I feel a needio share.. . somethings'" "Old Davouthasuploadedthem' You could speakto him"' only madehim clenchhis teeth' This perfectlyser,riblesuggestion that He neededsensemadeofthings,he neededthingsput in order'and he alwhat wasnot the iob of his sib. Old Davoutwould only confirm readyknew. "I'11talk to him, then,"he said. And then neverdid' The pain wasworstat night. It wasn'tthe sleepingalone' or merely be absent, Katrin'sabsence:it wasthe knowledgethat shewould always thattheemptyspacenexttohimwouldliethereforever.Itwasthenthe eyesstaring horror fully struck him, and he would lie awakefor hours' of treminto the terrible void that wrappedhim in iis dark cloak. Fits bling spedthroughhis limbs. he I will go mad, he sometimesthought' It seemedsomething who drama could choose,as if he were a characterin an Elizabethan
Lethe 195 turnsto the audienceto announcethathe will be mad now,and then in the next sceneis found gnawingbonesdug out of the family sepulchre. Davoutcould seehimselfbeingfound outside,running on all foursand barkingat the stars. And then, asdawncreptacrossthe windowsill,he would look out the window and realize,to his sorrow,thai he wasnot yet mad, that he wascondemnedto anotherdayof sanity,of pain,and of grief. Then, one night, he did go mad. He found himselfsquattingon the floor in his nightshirt,the room a ruin aroundhim: mirrorssmashed, furniture broken.Blood wasrunning down his forearms. The door leapt off its hingeswith a heaveof Old Davout'sshoulder. Davout realized,in a vagueway,that his sib had been trying to get in for sometime. He sawRed Katrin'ssilhouettein the door,an aureate halo aroundher auburnhair in the instantbeforeOld Davoutsnapped on the light. AfterwardKatrin pulled the bits of broken mirror out of Davout's hands,washedand disinfectedthem, while his sib tried to reconstruct the greenroom and its antiquefurniture. Davout watched his spattersof blood stain the water, threadsof scarletwhirling in Coriolisspirals."I'm sorry,"he said."I think I may be losingmy mind." "I doubt that." Frowning at a bit of glas in her tweezers. "l wantto know." Somethingin his voicemadeher look up. "Yes?" He could seehis staringreflectionin her greeneyes."Readmy downloads.Please. I wantto knowif . . . I'm reactingnormallyin all this. If I'm lucid or just. . ." He fell silent.Do if, he thought. lustdo thisone thing. "I don't upload other people. Davout can do that. Old Davout, I mean." No, Davout thought. His sib would understandall too well what he wasup to. "But he'sme!" he said."He'd think I'm normall" "Silent Davout,then. Crazypeoplearehis specialty." Davout wantedto makea mudra of scorn,but Red Katrin held his handscaptive.Insteadhe gavea laugh. "He'd want me to take Lethe. Any advicehe gavewould be. . . in that direction."He madea fistof one
2000 Showcase 196 NebulaAwards hand,sawdropsof blood well up throughthe cuts."l needto know if I can standthis,"he said."If-something drasticis required'" Shenodded,lookedagainat the sharplittle spearof glass,pui it deliberatelyon the edgeof the porcelain.Her eyesnarrowedin thoughtDavoutfelt his heartvault at that look, at the familiar lines forming at the cornerof Red Katrin'sright eye,eachone known and adored' Pleasedo it,he thought desperately. "If it's that important to you," shesaid,"l will'" "Thank you,"he said. He bent his headoverher the basin,raisedher hand, and pressed with blood' his lips to the fleshbeadedwith waterand streaked It was almost like conducting an affair, all clandestinemeetings and whisperedarrangements.Red Katrin did not want old Davout to know shewasuploadinghis sib'smemories-"I would iust assoonnot he dealwith his disapproval"-andsosheand Davouthad to wait until wasgone for a few hours,a trip to record a lecture for Cavort serieson Ideasand Manners. She settledonto the setteein the front room and coveredherself roll with her fringed shawl. closed her eyes.Let Davout'smemories through her. He satin a chair nearby,his mouth dry' Though nearlythirty years few had passedsince Dark Katrin's death, he had experiencedonly a memories weeksof that time; and Red Katrin wasfoating through these or momentsthat at speed,tastinghereand there,skippingredundancies . .. seemedinconsequential. He tried to guessfrom her facewhere in his life shedwelt. The expressionof shockand horrornearthe startwasclearenough,the shuttle Lurstinginto flames.After the shockfaded,he recognizedthe discomfort her that camewith experiencinga strangemind, and flickeringacross of grief, anger' and here and there amusement; face came expressions wet with but gradually th.r" was only a growing sadness,and lashes the room to kneelby her chairand takeher hand.Her te"rJHe "rorr"d . . she took a breath,rolled her head fingerspressedhis in response. ,*ry . . he wantedto weep not for his grief, but for hers' The eyesflutteredopen.Sheshookher head'"l had to stop"'she .,I in her wide said. couldn'ttakeit-" Shelookedat him, a kind of awe
Lethe 797 green eyes."My God, the sadness! And the need.I had no idea. I've neverfelt suchneed.I wonderwhat it is to be neededthat way." He kissedher hand,her dampcheek.Her armswent aroundhim. He felt a leapof joy,of clarity.The needwashers,now. Davoutcarriedher to the bed shesharedwith his sib,and together theyworshipedmemoriesof his Katrin. "I will take you tlere," Davout said. His finger reachedinto the night sky,counted starc,one, two, three.. . "The planei'scalledAtugan. It's boiling hot, nothing but rock and desert,sulfur and slag.But we can makeit homefor ourselves and our children-all the species of children we desire,fish and fowl." A bubble of happinessfilled his heart."Dinosaurs, if you like,"he said."Would you like to be parentto a dinosaur?" He felt Katrin leavethe shelterof his arm, steptowardthe moonlit bay.Wavesrumbledunderthe old woodenpier."I'm not trainedfor terraforming,"shesaid."I'd be useless on sucha trip." "I'm decadesbehind in my own field," Davout said."You could learn while I caughtup. You'll haveDark Katrint downloadsto help. It's all possible." Sheturned towardhim. The lights of the houseglowedyellow off her paleface,off her swiftfingersasshesigned. "I havelived with Old Davoutfor nearlytwo centuries," shesaid. His life, for a moment,seemedto skipoffits internaltrack;he felt himself suspended,poisedat the top of an arc just beforethe fall. Her eyesbroodedup at the house,whereOld Davoutpacedand sippedcoffeeand ponderedhis life of Maxwell.The mudrasat her fingertipswereunreadablein the dark. "I will do asI did before,"she said."I cannot go with you, but my otherselfwill." Davout felt his life resume."Yes,"he said,becausehe was shadowand could not sign."By all means."He steppednearerto her. would ratherit be you,"he whispered. He sawwry amusementtouch the cornersof her mouth. "Itwillbe me,"shesaid.Shestoodon tiptoe,kissedhis cheek."But now I am your sister again, yes?"Her eyeslooked level into his. "Be patient. I will anange it."
2000 Awards Showcase 198 Nebuta "I will in all thingsobeyyou, madam,"he said,and felt wild hope singingin his heart. Davout waspresentat her awakening,and her hand wasin his as she openedher violet eyes,the eyesof his Dark Kahin. She looked at lifted a hand to her blackhair;and then him in perfectcomprehension, the eyesturnedto the pairstandingbehindhim, to Old Davoutand Red Katrin. "Youngman,"Davoutsaid,putiing his handon Davoutt shoulder, "allow me to presentyou to my wife." And then (wisestof the sibs)he "l bent over and whispered,a bit pointedly,into Davout'seat, hust you will do the samefor me, one daY." Davout concluded,through his surprise,that the secretof a marriage that laststwo hundred yearsis knowing when to turn a blind eye. .,1 confessI am somewhatenvious,"Red Katrin saidassheand Old Davout took their leave."l envymy twin her new life'" "lt's your life aswell," he said."Sheis you'" But shelookedat him soberly,and her fingersformed a mudra he could not read' He took her on honeymoon to the Rockies,used some of his seventy-eightyears'back pay to rent a sprawlingcabin in a high valley abovethe headwatersof the Rio Grande,where the wind rolled grandly through the pines, hawksspun lazy high circleson the afternoonther-als, and the brilliant clearlight blazedon white starflowersand Indian paintbrush.They went on long walksin the high hills, cookedsimplyin kitchen, sleptbeneathscratchytrade blankets,made love ih" "r"-p"d on crispcottonsheets. He arrangedan office there, two desksand two chairs, back-toand back. Katrin ,plti.a herselfto learningbiology,ecolory,nanotech, quantumphyri"r-the alreadyhad a goodgrounding,but a specialist's kno*l.dg. waslacking. Davout tutored her, and workedhard at catch-they did not have ing up *itt tt . latestdevelopmentsin the field. She as "New Katrin"her , i"-" for her yet, though Davout thought of would review Dark Katrin'sold downloads,concentratingon her work, the way shevisualizeda Problem. Once, openingher eyesafteran upload,shelookedat Davout and the shookher head."It's shange,"shesaid."lts me,I know it's me' but "lt's not memories wayshethinks-"
