Mr Wonderful Lies

Mr. Wonderful Lies Kaitlin Maitland

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Medford, OR 97501 http://www.etopiapress.com Mr. Wonderful Lies Copyright © 2011 by Kaitlin Maitland ISBN: 978-1-936751-23-5 Edited by Nicole Hicks Cover by Annie Melton All Rights Are Reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews. First Etopia Press electronic publication: March 2011 http://www.etopia-press.net

Chapter One I’ve never put much faith in anniversaries. Women obsess over them and men forget them. Aren’t they just one more thing for couples to fight about? Or are they another day to tick off on the calendar while simultaneously feeling bad about yourself because the passage of time hasn’t healed any of your wounds? Okay, I might be sort of biased about anniversaries. It’s hard not to be when they all seem to be bad. My birthday for instance. After turning twenty-one, is there anything good about a birthday? Combine it with the anniversary I was currently celebrating and you got something worse. Not only was I turning a ripe thirty-five on that day, January 17th, but I was still single. I put my shoulder into the worn wood of the front door at Cheeky’s Bar and Grill while I mulled that happy thought over in my head. The heavy thing gave way and plunged me into a place that was more bar than grill but still felt like home. A haze of cigarette smoke lingered near the ceiling beams. The stained, dull green walls were peppered with the usual neon beer signs and a bizarre combination of sports and movie memorabilia mixed with bits of interesting local paraphernalia.

By that I mean weird stuff like stuffed Dalmatians wearing Mardi Gras beads, faded pictures of Clydesdales pulling beer wagons under the St Louis Arch, furry coonskin caps and miscellaneous sports junk featuring Red Fred the Cardinal and fat blue notes emblazoned on hockey pucks. St Louis may be an island stuck between Missouri and Illinois, but we have no shortage of city identifiers. I glanced at the flat screen television hung at one end of the bar. A big group of college students was watching the Colorado Avalanche whipping up on the St Louis Blues. I got a kick out of the obscenities they constantly lobbed at the television between sloshing beer all over one another but I wasn’t there to join them. I turned in the opposite direction and passed the shadowy alcove hiding the entrance to the bathrooms, a place one would never go unless too drunk to make it home, and found my usual table near Cheeky’s back corner. It wasn’t crowded inside; during the week it never is. That’s one of the reasons I like Cheeky’s so much. I don’t do the social sardine thing. I want to be able to actually talk to the people I’m hanging out with. I was early. I don’t know why, because not only do I hate birthdays and anniversaries, I hate parties to celebrate them. It’s uncomfortable trying to pretend I’m happy about time marching right over my hopes and dreams. I chucked my purse and coat on a stool at one of the high bar tables and climbed into the chair. I settled my butt comfortably in the seat and gained

satisfaction from knowing it was just a tad smaller than it was a year ago. I have a ritual I go through on my birthday. Most people do New Year’s resolutions; I prefer to wait until my birthday. At least that way I’m a little less cliché. But if you’re going to make a resolution to change something, you have to evaluate what you’ve got. So every year I start with the same list: My job was great. I’m my own boss, so I guess I’d have no one to blame but myself if it wasn’t. I have a medical billing business that I run out of my loft in the Soulard area. I’ve been doing it for about five years now, and I like the work. It might seem tedious and detail-oriented, but it’s predictable. I got the initial idea when I was stuck at a really boring family reunion listening to one of my overachieving cousins complain about the cost of billing the clients in his plastic surgery office. Since then I’ve been capitalizing on his complaints to make a pretty nice living for myself. My personal issues are the same every year. You’d think I’d get a clue. I keep telling myself to become more positive, to see the good in things instead of maintaining a sarcastic slant on things that makes me seem negative though I’m not. The truth is that I’m shy, horribly shy. Combine that and my knack for sarcasm and I have an almost constant case of verbal diarrhea. I’ve been told it’s because I try too hard. Find a solution to that combination of social flaws. I was doing pretty well in the body department. Not because I’d grown dedicated and sprouted

willpower that defied the draw of things like cheese and sugar but because of my relationship status. I’ll get more into that later. As to my body type, I’m what people refer to as big boned. So, aside from things I can’t change, i.e. my uncooperative long curly brown hair and boring brown eyes, I was pretty satisfied with my physical self at that moment. “You alone tonight, Megan?” Robbie’s voice snapped me right back into reality. I frowned, glancing at my watch. “I wasn’t supposed to be alone. Did Anna call or anything?” He shook his head and sat a Bud Light down on the table. “Nope. Did you forget to charge your phone again?” I blushed. “No, I’ve been really making an effort.” “How many chargers did you buy?” Robbie’s knowing gaze made me laugh. “One for every room?” “Well, they say the first step is to admit there’s a problem.” “Good advice.” I thought about how true that really was. After all, just a year ago on my thirty-fourth birthday, I hadn’t thought there was a problem at all. I’d been riding an anniversary high. Birthday, relationship, in fact, I’d gone so far as to think I was going to get engaged. Yup, that’s what I thought up until the moment I walked into my prospective fiancé’s apartment to find him in bed with not one but two pretty blondes from his

Freshman Behavioral Sciences class. He was a professor at Washington University, a fact he mentioned several times while trying to convince me it was all a social experiment. I didn’t buy it. At least my bout with post-traumatic relationship stress syndrome didn’t leave me with roomfuls of empty ice cream containers. I’m not like that. Food just makes me feel worse. I’m a big girl already, and I consider myself lucky to have figured out that adding ten pounds to my frame for every failed relationship is counterproductive. So I do the opposite. I go to the gym and punish myself on the treadmill or in the pool until I’m too exhausted to think about it anymore. A commotion at the front door made me lose my train of thought. In fact, there was so much commotion at the front door that everyone inside Cheeky’s lost their train of thought. Only one thing I knew of could draw that much attention. My friend Anna had arrived. Her entrance was heralded by a gaudy bunch of Mylar balloons in some of the weirdest shapes I’d ever seen. There was even a sparkly, purple-andred Cupid-shaped balloon she’d managed to dig up. One hand anchored the balloons and the other clasped a brightly colored Louis Vuitton handbag, her favorite. Anna Thompson was nothing if not expensive. But her fun loving and quirky nature made up for her little idiosyncrasies. Nobody on the planet could smother you to death with love and good intentions like Anna.

Tall, leggy, model-thin with wispy pale blonde hair, a voluptuous chest, and sporting a fabulous pair of five-inch Jimmy Choo heels that perfectly complimented her black designer skirt and jacket ensemble, Anna had every man in the room wondering if she was single even before they remembered if they were single. She’s just that gorgeous. Of course, she’s my best friend so I might be a little biased. In fact, she’s so pretty you’d hate her if she wasn’t so unassuming and fun to be around. It’s sort of a knock out combination. The gentleman holding the door for Anna was Jared Walker. Anna might have garnered most of the attention in the room, but that was only because the audience was predominantly male. As I always did when seeing Jared for the first time after a few days, I reminded myself all of the reasons he was completely undateable. It wasn’t his looks. He’s tall with broad shoulders and fabulous wavy dark blonde hair that never needs more than a quick run through with his fingers. His eyes are an incredible shade of blue that manages to be both bright and cool at the same time like the sky on a clear evening. Oh, and did I mention that Jared coowns a gym and is a personal trainer? So, if you have that kind of imagination, you’ve probably got an idea of just how incredible his body is. But, like I said, there are plenty of reasons Jared is undatable: 1. He has a tattoo covering his back. I’m looking for a grown up, clean cut guy.

2. His left nipple is pierced. I don’t care how sexy that is, see reason 1. 3. He is gorgeous. Gorgeous men get too much attention from other women. 4. He is my friend. Dating friends is fine, breaking up with them means weirdness. 5. Jared has a long-standing reputation around the gym of being a player. He changes women like underwear, and while he might show them a good time, I think I’ve had enough of cheaters and players to last me a lifetime. So that’s why, even though I’d made a birthday resolution to forget my former potential fiancé and start dating again, Jared would not be making my short list of possible candidates. That might’ve seemed like a downer except that he’s a really great friend. Now back to the balloons that were currently headed in my direction. I’ve already said I dislike having a fuss made over my birthday. But it’s absolutely impossible to be mad at Anna when you know she’s not doing it to torture you. In her mind, Anna figured she was doing what was best for me, and arguing with Anna is pointless. She always wins. “Happy birthday, sweetie!” Anna gushed, tossing the balloon anchor to the middle of the table so that the bright balloons could waft back and forth above our heads in the smoky air near the ceiling. “I told you not to make a fuss.” I fought back a grin.

“You should know by now that fuss is Anna’s middle name.” Jared leaned down to kiss my cheek. I inhaled and got a nose full of his incredible scent. I have yet to figure out what kind of cologne he wears. I’ve almost permanently damaged my sense of smell in various perfume stores trying to match it. I could’ve asked him, but sometimes I became hyperaware of that invisible line between us that was the difference between friends and scary. Robbie appeared with an apple martini for Anna, a tall Bud draft for Jared, and a fresh Bud Light for me. He winked at Anna before heading back to the bar. Although Robbie and Anna flirted shamelessly, he knew her too well to have any designs on a relationship. “Did you think we’d forgotten?” Anna perched her perfect derriere on the seat next to mine. I finished my first beer and wrapped my hands around the cool glass of the bottle Robbie had just delivered before giving her a shrug. “As if I could get that lucky.” “You know we’d never forget.” Jared’s earnest eyes caught mine from across the table. “Those lazy bastards at the party store didn’t have my balloon order ready!” Anna fumed. “Can you believe the nerve? I called almost two weeks ago and placed an order. Why can’t people get organized?” Jared and I shared one of those looks between two people who know a third so very well. Anna sells real estate, lots of real estate. She’s probably

one of the most successful agents in the city, not because she sells million-dollar homes but just because she’s really good at it. I think it comes naturally for her. But it also means that she micromanages her life and can’t understand anyone who doesn’t. Jared lounged back in his chair, his grin causing his dimples to make an appearance. “Naturally Anna asked for compensation for the inconvenience of having to wait a whole five minutes for a bunch of balloons.” “Wow, five whole minutes? How dare they?” I wasn’t buying it. “It would’ve been five minutes if she hadn’t demanded a few extras,” Jared said with relish. “If I’d known it took that long to blow the stupid thing up, I would’ve said forget it.” Anna sniffed. I cocked my head, eyeing the bunch of balloons with amusement. It looked like the special shapes rodeo of a Hot Air Balloon Race. Cupid was hanging with a huge misshapen heart that mildly resembled a pair of genie slippers tied together, a smiley face, several happy birthday cupcakes, and a baseball bat with the Cardinals logo on it, not to mention a rainbow of normal balloons. “Cupid took about five minutes to inflate all on his lonesome,” Jared drawled, winking at me. “You know, Valentine’s Day isn’t until next month,” I reminded Anna. “I know that.” She gave me a pointed look. “But in light of the other anniversary we’re

commemorating here, I thought he was appropriate.” I had an aha moment then. Right after my last Mr. Wonderful had turned out to be not so great, I had sworn to Anna that I’d never date again. It wasn’t that I intended to stay single forever; it’s just one of those things you say because you’re so mad you can’t think of anything else. I think it worried Anna a little bit though, because two months ago she started dropping hints that I should get back out there and try again. I blew her off, but it got me thinking. I’d had this grand plan in my twenties that I would start dating seriously at thirty, marry by thirty-five, and have at least one kid by forty. The idea was to make certain I had plenty of time to be fun and spontaneous. My parents got married really young and started their family right away. They never said it, but I always got the feeling that they sort of regretted not having those wild years between childhood and familyhood to do what they wanted. So I’d resolved not to repeat their mistakes. But when thirty rolled around and I started looking for eligible husband material, I realized that all of the good guys were already taken. Apparently they hadn’t gotten the memo about my life plan. Anna took a deep breath, a sure signal that she was about to go into mom mode. “I know you said you never wanted to date again after the Professor Jackass incident last year.”

I bobbed my head up and down in the affirmative. Jared remained silent, a fact I was grateful for. I had no desire to hear the hottest guy on earth comment on my relationship failures. “But two months ago when we talked, I told you I thought you shouldn’t give it more than a year.” She was pausing again, probably so she wouldn’t say the last part, which was that I wasn’t getting any younger. As if I could miss that fact. “So,” she continued. “Cupid is here to remind you to get moving. In fact, I think I may have an idea or two for potential dates.” Now I love my Anna. Don’t get me wrong. But when she starts talking about dates like pieces of real estate, I get a little grumpy. Anna exchanged a brief look with Jared. His expression was sort of mixed. I hoped she wasn’t entertaining the idea of setting me up with any of Jared’s friends. They’re all hot, sure, but hot doesn’t really mean husband material. Refer back to my list. “So what do you think, Megan?” Anna turned her expectant gaze on me. This was going to be the tricky part. See, when Anna had first approached me with reminders that my year was up, I’d started anticipating this conversation. The idea of going on a bunch of Annasanctioned blind dates was horrifying. Shy people don’t function well in a blind date scenario. We either clam up and look stupid or start talking nonstop about nothing. So that was when I made

my New Year’s Resolution. If I was going to start dating again, I would do it on my own terms. I began slowly, testing the waters. “Actually, I think I’ve already met someone.” Anna’s vibrant excitement almost made me miss Jared’s subdued reaction. No smile, no dimple, nothing. Nada, zilch. He could’ve been listening to the weather report for all the emotion he showed. I knew my dating life wasn’t nearly as exciting as his, but sheesh! “You met someone?” Anna nearly shouted, bouncing in her seat like a teenager about to hear a juicy piece of gossip about the prom queen. “Yeah, I met someone. I don’t live in a vacuum.” “So,” she prodded. “Tell me everything.” I shrugged. “His name is Elliot Oliver and he’s a native, lived in South City all his life I think.” “South City, hmm?” I could see the wheels turning in her head. “Employed I hope?” “He works for the brewery. I’m not sure exactly what he does. We’ve never discussed it in detail.” But I was going to have to in order to keep Anna satisfied. I wrote myself a mental note. “So what’s he like?” Anna leaned forward eagerly. I wondered what I should say. What was Ollie like exactly? “He has a wonderful sense of humor and he loves to laugh. Not narcissistic, likes to try new things, loves taking float trips on the river. What else do you want to know?”

Anna sat back in her chair, her sharp brown eyes gauging my every move. “What does he look like?” “He’s tall, six one or two, with brown hair and green eyes.” “Facial hair?” “Goatee.” Jared cleared his throat. “You sound like you’re reciting a list of personal facts you read off a want ad.” I froze. Anna leaned forward, her gaze intent. “Where exactly did you meet Elliot Oliver?” She had me right there and she knew it. I’d been hoping to avoid that question. See, I don’t lie. Not that I never have a chance to or never want to. I don’t do it because I have so many tells, I’m worse than a toddler playing poker. Lies just feel wrong. Something in the pit of my stomach twists up into a knot, and I start to feel nauseated. I’ve always been like that. Nobody rats me out like I do. And right then, I was hanging myself out to dry. “C’mon Anna,” Jared chided softly. “Back off a little. It’s not like Megan belongs to some convict outreach program or something.” “Don’t you start,” she told him. “You know half the players in the city. I shouldn’t have to explain to you why I’m being nosy.” Jared slanted a sly look in my direction. “As if Anna Thompson needs an ironclad reason to be nosy.”

I passed him a grateful smile. He and Anna grew up together. Their moms were, and still are, best friends, so they were raised like brother and sister. It’s why they’ve never dated, and why he’s so good at distracting her by pushing her buttons. Unfortunately I knew that wasn’t going to work this time. “Quit trying to change the subject, you two.” Anna narrowed her sharp brown gaze. “Where did you meet this guy, Megan?” I sighed, giving into the inevitable. “Facebook.” “What?” Their collective horror actually drew attention from a few of the other people in Cheeky’s. I glanced around, throwing nervous smiles at them so they’d go back to their own thing and quit staring. “You aren’t serious?” Anna demanded. “Quit being so melodramatic,” I told her, my eyes busy watching my fingers peel the label from my beer bottle. “People have been using dating services for years. How is this any different?” “Megan, it’s a lot easier for someone to lie about who and what they are on the Internet,” Jared said quietly. I lifted my gaze and was surprised to see genuine concern in his blue eyes. I knew we were friends, but I hadn’t expected this kind of reaction from him. From Anna, certainly, but Jared was a guy and a serial dater. Surely he’d used every tactic in the book to find his dates.

“How did you meet him on Facebook?” Anna prodded. “Is he a friend of someone you know?” “Yes.” “Someone you know personally?” she clarified. I shrugged. “A friend of a friend.” “This is crazy, Megan!” “It’s no different than a blind date.” “A blind date is pre-screened!” Anna sat up and waved her hands in the air for emphasis. “Do you have a lot in common?” Finally, a rational question from Jared. I nodded at him. “We seem to.” “Like what?” Anna demanded. I struggled to answer. It wasn’t that simple. How do you explain to someone that a list of activities we both liked didn’t matter when there were so many other things we had in common. That was what had astounded me the most about Ollie to begin with. We’re both laid back and willing to try something new. We weren’t inclined to force our opinions on people and didn’t expect anything but respect in return for acceptance. How could I explain to my friends that the most important thing Ollie and I had in common was our outlook? “It’s complicated,” I began hesitantly. “We have a lot of the same personality traits.” “Maybe it just seems that way,” Jared offered realistically. “Sometimes what seems like a good match in a chat doesn’t pan out when you get real chemistry involved. It’s always easy to get along with someone when there’s a time delay in the conversation.”

I appreciated his point of view. It wasn’t like I hadn’t had those same thoughts a thousand times before. I mean, I’d started chatting on a daily basis with a virtual stranger. It was like falling in love with a television character. How did I know the whole thing wasn’t a figment of my imagination? “I thought of that,” I admitted. “But when we talk on the phone it’s just like our chats. We can talk forever about nothing or everything and it doesn’t matter. I just like talking to him.” I paused, trying to put what I felt into words. “He listens to me.” It sounded so simple, but it really wasn’t. If you’ve had this with another person, you can understand. If you haven’t, you won’t ever understand until it happens to you. It’s that one person you want to talk to no matter what. The one who maybe doesn’t always agree with you, but still manages to make you feel like a million bucks anyway. Jared smiled at me, his full lips tilting up at the corners though I didn’t see the flash of perfect white teeth from his full, devastatingly handsome smile. I think he got it, even if Anna didn’t. That was sort of strange since his relationships typically had an abbreviated lifespan. I wondered if he’d ever had a real connection with someone, only to have it fade away over time. It was the one thing I was most afraid of with Ollie and the number one reason I’d resolved to take things slowly. I’d jumped in headfirst with Professor Jackass. There was no way I was going down that road again.

“Please tell me talking on the phone is all you’ve done,” Anna moaned. “What if this guy is a psycho axe murderer? We should check him out on casenet.com or something.” I sucked in a big breath and held it. “He wants to meet.” Anna snatched my hand, squeezing it until I thought my fingers might pop off. “Megan Myers, are you insane?” I did a sort of noncommittal shake of my head. “I don’t know. I’m thinking about just doing it.” “Megan…” Anna gasped. “In a public place somewhere!” I shot back defensively. “I just want to know if this is a real connection or just some freak accident.” “Meeting him in person will definitely answer the chemistry question,” Jared murmured. “But you have to remember that people can lie in person too.” “Anyone can lie,” I told them bitterly. “I thought I knew Professor Jackass. Look how many lies he told.” “You know what?” Anna announced, “This is a good thing! You’ll meet him and realize he’s some freak who looks like the Elephant Man or something.” I looked at Jared and we both burst out laughing. It was so like Anna to put a slant on something that was to her advantage. It was how she operated. She eyeballed the two of us laughing like crazed hyenas and her face took on a distinctive pout, which made Jared and I laugh all

the harder. No matter what life held for me, I was really thankful for my friends. “You’re not helping her see reason, Jared,” Anna told him, reaching over to smack him on the back of his blonde head. “I could use some back up here.” “Baby, you’re on your own,” he rumbled before lapsing into another chuckle. As always, Jared’s Missouri drawl made my heart thud against my ribcage. It reminded me a little bit of Ollie’s distinctive voice, also guaranteed to melt you from the inside out. Just as that thought bounced through my head, my fully charged and full volume phone began to sing inside my purse. I didn’t even have to wonder who was calling. My face blushed red hot and my heart began to race. Why did this have to happen right here and right now? “Are you going to answer that?” Jared asked, picking up his glass and taking a long swig of honey-colored beer. I swallowed, wishing I didn’t feel as if I’d just run five miles on the treadmill. I was even sweating! Anna gave me a penetrating stare before skinning her olives from their green plastic sword with her even white teeth. I dug my iPhone from my purse and slid the touchscreen to answer. The happy Marimba jingle blasting at full volume told me exactly who it was, and because Anna and Jared knew that I had firm

feelings about chipper, upbeat ringtones versus traditional ringers, they did too. “Hey baby,” Ollie’s baritone rumbled in my ear. “I’m missin’ you.” That new and yet familiar tone of his voice tickled my ear and sent a riot of chills all over my body. I’m not usually a big fan of pet names, but every time the man called me baby, it gave me that butterfly sensation in my stomach. “Hey Ollie,” I said, trying to keep my voice somewhat normal. “What’s up?” “I was thinking about what you said earlier, about meeting somewhere public. I was thinking over a couple of possibilities, but I want you to be the one to make a decision. I just want you to feel good about it. If you don’t want to do this yet, just tell me.” My heart swelled and I stopped worrying about my audience. That was one of the things I liked best about Ollie. He was the antithesis of pushy about our relationship. I smiled into the phone, more than ready to make this decision. “I’m ready to do this. Just tell me where. You know my schedule is more flexible than yours.” “Okay, then how about we meet tomorrow for breakfast at that café like we talked about earlier? It’s pretty much halfway between work for both of us.” The butterflies in my belly exploded like the Fourth of July. “I’ll be there.”

He chuckled nervously. “I feel like a teenager again. I’m afraid I’ll get tongue tied and you’ll think I’m an idiot.” “I feel the exact same way. We’ll probably sit and stare for half an hour, and that’s okay. One step at a time, right?” I could practically hear him smile into the phone. “That’s exactly right. Listen, I know you’re out with friends tonight, so I’ll let you go. I miss you, baby, and I can’t wait to meet you in person.” “Me too,” I murmured, hanging up while trying and failing to suppress my gigantic grin. I was going to meet Ollie! Finally after three weeks of Facebook chatting and phone conversations, I was going to meet the man who seemed almost too perfect for me. It was wonderful and horrible and scary and exciting all at the same time. I wasn’t completely deluded. I knew that I could be walking into a total disaster, but something inside me knew I had to try it or I’d always regret the not knowing. Putting my phone down was a little like waking up from dream with a bucket of cold water. Anna and Jared were both staring at me like they thought I needed to be locked up in a padded room. “You already made plans to meet this guy?” Anna said through her tight-lipped expression. “You weren’t going to mention this to us until you’d already met him in person?” That had been my plan exactly. But I didn’t figure it was wise to tell her that. “It just happened that way.”

Anna pounced. “You didn’t wonder if maybe he was luring you there for his own reasons?” She made it sound like Ollie was some weird Internet predator. It made me angry. She didn’t know him. She’d never even spoken to him! “I knew you’d overreact, Anna. I figured I would meet him first, that way if it didn’t work out for some reason you’d never know. Then I wouldn’t be stuck having this conversation.” Whatever Anna was going to say next never made it out of her mouth. Jared reached over and clamped his hand on her shoulder. He shook his head once and then turned his keen blue gaze toward me. “Look Megan, Anna isn’t trying to be bitchy here, okay? We’re your friends. We’re just trying to look out for you. It’s what friends do.” I relented a little. I knew he was right. They didn’t know Ollie from Satan. They hadn’t connected with him like I had. I couldn’t expect them to understand. I sighed, folded my hands on the tabletop and wondered what to do next. I hated feeling torn like this. Anna and Jared were my best friends. I never would have gotten through my breakup with Professor Jackass without them. Even before that, Anna had always been there for me. Anna had started out as my real estate agent. I’d gotten her name through a mutual friend who’d sort of drifted out of our lives since introducing us. But we’d clicked while looking for my townhouse and just never stopped calling each other. We’re a good balance. She’s the extrovert, I’m the introvert.

She won’t let me be a hermit, and I’m not afraid to tell her when she starts to turn into a pushy, overfunctioning control freak. “Where and when?” Anna asked quietly, the pushiness receding into genuine concern. “That cafe about three blocks down from the gym at nine a.m.” Anna caught and held my eyes. “I’m going with you.” “What? No way!” Hurt vied with determination for control of her features. Then I saw her relent. She knew it wasn’t personal. I just refused to take the chance that she wouldn’t interfere, and she knew she couldn’t guarantee that she’d keep her mouth shut. “Fine. Jared will go.” Jared and I stared at each other, both of us surprised by the suggestion. I warred with the idea of having the most attractive man I knew witness my very first meeting with Ollie, but my good sense chimed in with a reminder about basic safety and the buddy system. “All right,” I finally agreed. “But he has to sit across the room and he can’t make it obvious that he’s watching me.” “Fine,” Anna agreed. “But if he thinks the guy is a total perv, he’s going to kick his ass.” “Fine,” I said with a nod. “And no leaving to go somewhere else with him, understand?” I rolled my eyes. “That sort of defeats the purpose of meeting in a public place.”

“And if he suggests you head for the parking lot to take a ride in his car or get a cheap motel or—” “Or get in his spaceship,” I finished with a grin. “Yeah, I get it!” Jared stood abruptly. “You two are impossible, and I still have paperwork to finish tonight.” Anna glared up at him. “You’ll be there, right? You know which cafe she’s talking about, don’t you? It’s the one right down the street from your gym.” He leaned down and kissed her cheek. “I’m not an idiot, Anna, and yes,” he glanced over at me, his gaze hooded. “I’ll be there.” I offered him a hesitant smile, but the expression on his face gave me a weird jolt in my midsection. Was he really that worried about me? Why? Did he have no faith whatsoever in my judgment? “See you tomorrow,” he murmured, leaning down and brushing his lips over my forehead. As always, his scent enveloped my senses in a whirlwind of awareness. I suspected he had that affect on everyone. There’s something very strong and certain about Jared Walker that makes the feminine portion of my brain start thinking about long-term relationships, babies, and forever. But isn’t the essence of what makes a player effective the ability to tweak a woman’s thoughts and emotions and then use those very things to accomplish some secret guy agenda that generally involves getting into our pants?

“Is he dating anyone right now?” I asked curiously. “I don’t remember seeing him with anyone for awhile.” Anna finished off her martini as we watched Jared push through the front door of Cheeky’s. “Jared has his own issues, Megan. But we’re not talking about Jared tonight.” I sighed. “Do we really have to do this? I’m getting tired.” “You told me you never wanted to date again after Professor Jackass,” she reminded me. “I thought I was going to have to drag you kicking and screaming out of that hermit hole of yours. What happened?” I shrugged. What had happened? “I got lonely I guess.” “Keep going.” “I’m turning thirty-five?” “And?” “And nothing, Anna. That’s it. I had a plan. You know how I am about my plans. I’ve been living all alone in my house for long enough. I want to share my life with someone special. I think Ollie is that someone.” It was her turn to sigh. “Just don’t jump into something without looking first, okay? It always feels great in the beginning. That’s because you don’t have to forgive all of those little crappy habits that drive people crazy.” “You haven’t said anything that isn’t a risk with any new relationship,” I pointed out.

“But it’s worse with this kind of a relationship. You guys are already too close, but it’s the kind of close that hasn’t required anyone to make any sort of compromise. How easy is it to be forgiving when it’s totally impersonal? When there’s no real risk?” “I thought you’d be happy for me, Anna,” I ventured softly. She shot me one of her frank, assessing looks. The ones that make other real estate agents and mortgage brokers run for cover. “No, you didn’t. Or you would’ve told me the minute you met him.”

Chapter Two My general response to nervousness is overpreparation, and my first date with Ollie was no exception. I started plowing through my wardrobe at about six a.m. and went through every possible outfit twice before settling on my favorite pair of worn, low-rise blue jeans. I donned a long sleeved gray shirt because there was still a damp spring chill in the air and then layered my favorite short sleeved dark green tee over that because green is lucky. After that I stepped into a pair of thick-soled Docs and grabbed my keys. I could have dressed up, but the only time I do that is when I meet new clients for the first time or when Jared, Anna, and I go someplace special. I’m not comfortable in dressy clothes. Anna’s the one with the great fashion sense. I prefer nice earth tones and simple clothing you can live in. Like I already said, I’m a big girl, big boned, solid, whatever you want to call it, but I’m happy with it. Sure, sometimes I get a little miffed when some twiggy bimbo makes a comment at the gym, but at least I don’t have to wear a training bra and buy underwear that makes up for the lack of an ass. So even though my clothes aren’t what most people would call sexy, I’m not afraid to wear a pair of snug jeans and a fitted T-shirt either. I experienced a moment of panic when I looked at my decidedly casual reflection in the full-length

mirror before remembering that I’d already told Ollie I’m a pretty low-key girl. His response was that he adored low maintenance. I could have been offended by that, but it had been paired with an assurance that low maintenance was almost always coupled with inner beauty, so I’d let it go. After all, if he didn’t like what he saw, I could always have Jared kick his ass. I smoothed on the pale lip gloss and examined my brown eyes in the mirror before trying to decide what I was going to do with my hair. People always think curly hair is great. Having it is like being in a love/hate relationship. I have to keep it long because cutting it results in a horrible Little Orphan Annie imitation, but long hair is a pain in the ass. It takes forever to blow dry and even longer if I try to straighten it. So I usually opt for the strangling-it-with-a-towel-until-it-dries-and-thentrapping-it-in-a-ponytail method, but I didn’t want to meet Ollie for the first time sporting a straggly ponytail. Experimenting with a few options, I finally swirled it around a bit and pinned it up by stretching a clip to the max and anchoring it at the back of my head. If that clip gave up at any point during our date and flew off, I was likely to kill somebody. Nobody said looking good didn’t come at a price.

***

I drove to the cafe, parking down the street near Jared’s gym. I entered the café door about forty-five minutes too early and got in line to order. It isn’t really a café; it’s actually a chain of restaurants that masquerade as a café. They serve everything from pastries guaranteed to add thirty pounds per bite to your butt, to sandwiches promising no trans fat and very few calories but containing five different types of cheese. Go figure. My favorite morning drink is Chai tea. I don’t do coffee. The caffeine does funny things to me, like switching my sleep cycles and turning me into a raving lunatic. So I stuck with tea that morning. There was no sense showing Ollie my psycho side until we were better acquainted. The café is situated into a couple of different sections, some filled with tables and booths like a regular restaurant and some dotted with cozy conversation areas like a Midwestern version of Starbucks. The vaulted ceilings keep things from feeling claustrophobic and there are plenty of windows. It’s a comfortable atmosphere, and as I scouted for the perfect place to meet Ollie for the very first time I decided I was glad I’d suggested it. One table appealed to me almost immediately. It was sandwiched between the restaurant section and a clump of overstuffed chairs in the conversation area. There was a small partial wall to one side and a good view of the entire café. Tea in hand, I staked my claim on the table and put my back to the wall.

I’d taken my very first soothing sip of Black Chai tea when I saw Jared. I couldn’t believe I hadn’t noticed him right away to begin with. If I hadn’t been obsessed with finding the perfect table I probably would have. He had stationed himself in an armchair near the windows with a view of the room and the parking lot. Morning paper in one hand, he had a thick mug of black coffee in the other. I knew it was black coffee because he can’t stand any of what he calls emasculating coffee substitutes. It was hard to say what made me more agitated, being nervous about meeting Ollie or being disgusted that Jared’s presence gave me a decided boost in the confidence department. I decided that it was both. Hating how nervous and fidgety I felt, I pressed the cool palms of both hands against the flaming warmth of my cheeks and tried to breathe deeply. My phone trilled. Digging frantically through my favorite Lucky brand chocolate chip hobo bag, I finally found my trusty iPhone only to realize that it was a text from Jared. There was one word on the screen. Relax. I glanced up from the phone, our eyes meeting across the room. I wished I could be relaxed or at least look relaxed. Jared looked perfect, but he always did. He’d come directly from work and still wore his slick black athletic pants and simple Addidas running shoes. A black and white Tapout T-shirt

completed what Anna and I always referred to as his official uniform. If only the rest of the normal populace could look so perfect in their uniforms. My description didn’t do justice to the way Jared’s chest and arms filled out the cotton of his T-shirt, or the way his casually crossed legs drew the fabric of his pants just tight enough to show that a master sculptor couldn’t have done a better job on the musculature of his legs. He’d showered before heading down to the café. His wavy blonde hair was still damp and just a tinge darker than usual, curling a bit around his forehead and ears. I’d have bet he smelled like a breath of fresh air. A smile kicked up the corner of his mouth, as if we were sharing a joke. I idly touched my phone, pulling up a text box without putting much thought into it. Keying in the first thing that came to mind, I ended up with,

“Don’t you have anywhere better to be in the morning?”

I adore texting for the same reasons I liked getting to know Ollie via chatting first. You take all of the complicated stuff out of the conversation equation. No body language, no trying to decipher tone, it’s just words and innuendo. I could tell the exact moment Jared got my text. He set the paper aside and carefully placed his coffee atop the pile of newsprint before pulling his own iPhone from his pocket. The slight tilt at the corners of his mouth developed into a full-fledged smile when he read my message. About a minute later I got a response.

“No better place for a knight in shining armor to be when he’s on call.” I chuckled. “Knight is too refined, how about caveman?” “Still in the right place,” he replied. “Can’t let some other guy whack you over the head with his club and steal you.” He raised his eyes to mine and

lifted his eyebrows up and down, a goofy gesture he knew was guaranteed to make me laugh. A muffled gasp somewhere to my left drew my attention. Two women in their mid to late thirties sat with their heads together in deep conversation. I could just glimpse a baby napping in the stroller between us and a toddler scribbling happily on a coloring book beside them. Every few seconds one of them would shoot a secretive glance in Jared’s direction. I didn’t have to be a psychologist to see what was going on. “You’ve got admirers,” I texted Jared. His head came up, doing a quick scan of the room. His posture drew his T-shirt even tighter across his chest and the body piercing on the left side of his chest was clearly defined. There’s something about that tiny detail that makes a girl swoon. We all like a guy whose casual exterior hides a wild alpha male. I hid a smile as the whispering beside me grew less discreet. “Did you see that?” the one closest to me demanded. “He’s totally checking you out. You should walk by or something.” “I told you I’m sort of seeing someone,” the other woman said, distracted.

“A guy that gorgeous is worth a second look no matter what else you have going on.” The single one seemed to consider her friend’s words. “You’re probably right. Maybe I should drop something right beside him.” “How about falling in his lap? Look at those arms!”

“Mom and kids with single friend preparing to assault you,” I warned Jared.

His head swiveled around just in time to catch them staring at him. His features clouded briefly before his eyes dropped back to his phone. “Did I just make contact?” he wanted to know. I didn’t answer him. I didn’t have to. At that moment the single portion of the Mom squad jumped up from her seat and walked toward the napkin dispenser half a dozen steps from Jared’s right side as if she had a major napkin emergency. Grabbing a wad of the brown napkins made from recycled paper, she turned and promptly dumped them in Jared’s lap. Ever the gentleman, he refrained from leaping to his feet in mingled shock and horror. I didn’t even bother to suppress my reaction. I laughed out loud. “Wow, that laugh is even more amazing in person than on the phone.” I whipped around, dropping my phone and nearly falling out of my chair. Standing before me at every inch of six feet and a bit more was Ollie. I recognized him instantly from his pictures on Facebook.

A big, bear of a man dressed in khakis and a green-and-white striped polo shirt, his broad shoulders gave way to a bit of a belly which I found charming. His features were simple. A set of dancing green eyes beneath dark brows, a slight crook in a nose that had probably been broken once or twice making some kind of mischief, a full mouth and a dusting of dark facial hair on his stubborn chin. His hair was brown, though bleached lighter from the sun and thinning on top. Ollie wasn’t drop dead gorgeous, but he looked just about perfect to me. I got to my feet slowly, very aware that I was about to be struck by one of my shy fits that oftentimes leave me awkward and tongue-tied. “Hi,” I managed to say. A knowing smile lit his face and he put out a hand. I took it willingly, liking the way his big, warm hand wrapped all around my much smaller one. “It’s really great to meet you, Megan Myers. My name is Elliot Oliver, but you can call me Ollie.” Still unbearably nervous, I gestured to the table. “Want to sit down?” Nodding, he stooped to retrieve the phone I’d dropped. I froze, realizing that the first thing he was going to see was my conversation with Jared right there on the little touchscreen. Time slowed as Ollie glanced at the phone. I saw the surprise register on his face before he relaxed and cast a probing look around the room. My teeth settled on my lower lip as his gaze

connected with a now disentangled Jared across the room. A millisecond passed before I watched Jared give a barely perceptible nod and return to his perusal of the morning paper. Ollie sat and handed me the phone. I managed to meet his eyes, figuring the next thing out of his mouth would be something along the lines of goodbye. But he surprised me with a warm smile. “Smart people always insist on the buddy system. Your brother?” “No, just a good friend.” Something strange and fleeting touched his eyes so quickly I couldn’t be sure I’d seen it. Then his expression softened. “Even better.” “Then you aren’t mad?” He chuckled. “Of course not. I don’t know you half as well as he probably does, and I know you’re pretty special. I’m glad there are other people out there trying to keep you safe too.” Right there and then my heart melted into a puddle. Anna had been right to be worried about me. I was so far gone I wasn’t sure I’d ever be able to crawl back out again. “You’re too perfect,” I said, blurting out the first thing that came to mind again. “There has to be something wrong with you.” His eyes crinkled when he smiled. “Let’s see, I do have a tendency to forget to pick up my shoes. I’m in the habit of leaving a pair at every exit. I’ve been told that drives women crazy.” I laughed, feeling more at ease with each passing second.

“Oh, and sometimes I ask too many questions.” “And?” “I snore?” “Anything else I should know?” His face sobered just a bit. “I’m a little too attached to someone I’ve only just met.” And so was I.

Chapter Three “So.” Ollie stirred the whipped cream on his third Mocha Latte. “Do you usually meet your dates on Facebook?” My cheeks flamed red hot. I had sort of avoided this topic during our chats. That’s one of the reasons I like chatting so much. Avoiding any topic is simple. You just change the subject. “C’mon Megan.” His warm baritone sent a ripple of chills down my spine. “I’m just trying to convince myself you’re not too good to be true.” “Like I haven’t worried about that a million times since we first chatted.” “So is this your first time?” I wondered at his choice of words. My first time. It was my first time for so many things I was losing track. “Have I ever had coffee with a guy I met on the Internet? Is that your question?” He chuckled and nodded before taking a swig of his latte. “Yes. I’m an Internet dating virgin.” Ollie laughed. “Good, because so am I.” “Would you tell me if you weren’t?” His expression shifted subtly. I wondered if I’d stepped too far. But it was a valid question. Someone who was trying to lie about what they were wouldn’t come right out and say it.

“I’m not sure if I would or not.” Ollie’s green eyes met and held mine. “But when I signed up for the Facebook account it was to keep in touch with my family. I never expected to meet someone like you. So even if I was a serial Internet dater, I’m not sure it would matter.” “So you want to meet me again,” I teased, a smile tugging at the corner of my mouth. Ollie reached across the table and took my right hand. Turning it over, he traced a tiny circle with one fingertip on my palm. The gentle touch made my heart race. How was it possible to be so thoroughly infatuated with someone you barely knew? My brain kept telling me it was ridiculous, and my heart kept insisting it was fate. He glanced down at his watch. “It’s nearly noon.” “I was avoiding the time.” “I’m going to have to get back to work.” “Why do you always have to be the responsible one?” He cupped both large, warm hands around my much smaller one and brought them to his lips. “I’m not that noble, trust me. I’d rather spend the rest of the day sitting here with you. This has been more fun than I ever thought it would be.” “I know what you mean.” I fought back a huge, goofy grin. “I’m not sure chatting is quite going to cut it anymore.” “True enough.” Ollie stood up, tugging me up with him. Across the room I could feel Jared’s eyes come up from his

newspaper. My heart thumped erratically as I wondered if Ollie was going to try to kiss me. The idea was both thrilling and terrifying. I wanted him to. I wanted to find out if it felt as good as I imagined it would. But Jared was there, watching. And though I didn’t understand why, deep down inside something about that felt very wrong. “Did you park outside?” Ollie asked, turning toward the door. “A few blocks away.” “I’m right outside. Will you walk with me to my car?” It was unseasonably warm and sunny outside. I was glad. There’s nothing like Missouri’s nasty weather to make an outdoor moment memorable for all the wrong reasons. “So what kind of car do you drive?” I asked, glad that he’d chosen to keep hold of my hand. “Guess.” I glanced around the parking lot. My eyes briefly touched over Jared’s sporty blue two door Mazda RX-8 and looked deliberately away. Ollie didn’t strike me as that type of guy at all. That was one of the best things about him. He was unassuming. I figured his car to be that way too. “How about that one?” I pointed to a nondescript four door sedan. “Wow, am I that boring?” Feeling silly, I chuckled. “No, not boring. Just not obsessed with what people think about your ride.” “Oh, I see.”

“I get one more try.” “Anything for you, baby.” My cheeks warmed and I looked at the ground to hide my embarrassment. How ridiculous was it to long for some strange sort of affirmation from this man I barely knew? “We’re getting warmer.” I spotted a blue Dodge SUV parked between two minivans. “I’m going to guess the SUV because I’m hoping you’re not a minivan guy.” “Why’s that?” “C’mon, a single guy driving a minivan?” I lifted an eyebrow. “That reeks of serial killer.” “You got me.” “The SUV or the serial killer?” “Definitely the SUV.” “You have a boat, right?” He used the remote to unlock the vehicle and nodded. “That’s right. It’s nothing fancy, just a fishing boat. I spend more time lounging around than fishing.” “So that’s why you’re still single,” I teased. Ollie tossed his keys into the car and turned, bracketing my waist with his big hands. He leaned back against the vehicle’s seat and I found myself standing between his legs. The position made me feel tiny and protected but it was oddly erotic as well. My pulse quickened. Was he going to kiss me? Should I let him? Why did all of this have to be so complicated? I was no good at this sort of thing.

“I had a wonderful time, baby,” Ollie murmured. “So did I.” Something colorful on his back seat caught my eye. My heart skipped two beats before resuming its erratic beating. Barbies. There were four Barbie dolls on his backseat in various stages of undress. I pulled away from Ollie, trying to get a better look. I’d never thought to ask him about kids. What if he had them? Was I ready for that kind of thing? “Baby, what’s wrong?” I tried to modulate my voice. I didn’t want him to think I was accusing him of anything. “Ollie there are half-naked Barbies in your back seat.” His green eyes shifted, dropping down and to the left. “I sometimes pick up my nieces from dance lessons to help out my sister-in-law. They leave all kinds of crap in my truck.” My tension deflated like a balloon. “Oh.” “You thought I’d forgotten to mention something?” “Like being a father?” I offered a sheepish grin. “Sort of.” “It’s all right.” Ollie sighed. “I know I’m going to have to earn your trust, Megan. And I can do that. You’ve got a right to wonder. You’ve not exactly had the best experiences with the men you date.” “I’d like you to change that,” I admitted softly. He grinned. “I can’t wait to get started.” “Call me.” “Oh I will,” he said, his voice sinking a little lower.

I looked up and up, meeting his eyes. “You’re so tall!” “I hope that’s a good thing.” I took a breath to answer but he placed a finger over my lips. “I think you’re the perfect size.” Ollie leaned down and gently brushed his lips over mine. It was over before I had time to be nervous, and I felt strangely unsatisfied. I wanted more. I didn’t know what or how much, but I knew what he’d just given me wasn’t enough. “I’ll talk to you soon,” he told me. “I’d like that.” He got into his SUV, and I stepped back. Moments later he was driving away, waving out the open window. I watched the blue Dodge until Ollie turned a corner. I felt strange watching him go. It was sort of like a day-after-Christmas feeling. Shaking off my melancholy, I crossed the parking lot in the direction I’d left my car. Half a dozen paces away near the front of the café, Jared emerged through the glass doors into the sunlight. At that moment I was unbelievably glad it’d been him and not Anna who’d come with me. Anna would have been glued to my side, pumping me for information. That wasn’t Jared’s style. “Thanks for looking out for me.” I felt strangely shy considering the weird circumstances. The light burnished his blonde hair, turning darker sections to gold and giving him the appearance of a Greek god. He smiled, and his even

white teeth flashed in his tanned face. “I’m glad I could help out.” I was going to tease him about being assaulted with napkins, but my phone was doing the Ollie Marimba in my pocket. “Guess he can’t get enough of you.” Jared offered a soft smile. “I’ll catch up with you later.” Jared’s words left me with an unsettled feeling in the pit of my stomach, but there wasn’t time to dissect it just then. Pulling my phone from my pocket, I slid the touchscreen and answered it. “I’m already missing you, baby.” Ollie’s husky voice tickled my ear. “How am I supposed to function every day between seeing and talking to you?” I laughed. “You were supposed to be the responsible one.” “Remind me why that is?” “Hmm.” I headed up the sidewalk to where I’d left my car. “Let me count the reasons.”

*** “Are you just going to sit there and let the timer run on that thing?” Anna poked me in the back before leaping onto the elliptical machine beside me and starting her rigorous cardio routine. I forced the goofy grin off my face and got back to my workout, trying to put some energy into it. If

I was going to be in a relationship, now was not the time to let my looks go to hell in a handbasket. “So,” Anna prompted without breaking stride, “Jared won’t say anything about this morning. How did it go?” “Obviously I’m still alive, so he’s not an axemurdering fiend.” “I sincerely doubt they admit that on a first date.” I rolled my eyes. “He was really wonderful. He even realized Jared was there looking out for me, and it was okay with him.” “I would hope so. Any guy who disagrees with that kind of common sense approach to Internet dating is a rapist waiting to happen.” I frowned, making a face at her willowy form. She was dressed in perfectly fitting designer yoga pants and a matching camisole. Even with her hair tied back in a high ponytail, she looked like she’d just been salon styled. On the other hand, I looked like a homeless vagabond in my cut off sweats and an oversized tank top over my strangulating sports bra. I picked up my pace. “You’re not going to cut him any slack, are you?” “You’re my best friend, Megan. It’ll take a lot more than one date for me to welcome him with open arms.” I couldn’t be mad at her for taking that attitude. If our positions were reversed, I would have been reserving judgment too. In fact, our positions had been reversed. Anna had dated her

fair share of jerks over the years, and I’d given her my honest opinion on every last one of them. So why was her attitude irritating me to no end? I pushed myself harder on the elliptical, feeling my heart racing and the blood pounding in my ears. Sweat trickled down my face and back, stinging my eyes and soaking into the waistband of my sweats. Why did I care so much what Anna thought about Ollie? Was I trying to get her approval or something? Did I need it? I immediately discarded that theory. I did not want to be that person, that woman who lived her entire life trying to prove herself to everyone else. That wasn’t me. Megan Myers was a grown woman who could make choices for herself. The machine bleeped loudly, signaling the end of my programmed workout. I hadn’t really finished the whole thing. I’d spent some of it daydreaming about Ollie and a few minutes more arguing with Anna, but I climbed down from the elliptical machine anyway. It was sort of uncomfortable there beside Anna when she was more or less not speaking to me. The showers beckoned with their hot water and soothing spray. I pulled my water bottle from the holder on the machine and turned to walk away. I only got about four steps. “I called you earlier.” Anna’s loud voice forced me to turn around. I didn’t have to look to know she was giving me that penetrating brown stare of hers. So I kept my

eyes on the water bottle I held in my hands. “Sorry about that, I was on the other line.” “I called you six times over a two and half hour period.” Why couldn’t I meet her eyes? I had nothing to be ashamed of, nothing to hide. I’d been talking to Ollie while I ran through my regular billing cycles. It’s not like my job is all that hard. It runs like clockwork. Anna should know that. I’d spent hours on the phone with her while doing my weekly work schedule. Why was Ollie any different? “People can be just as addictive as heroine, Megan.” I couldn’t decide if I were more embarrassed or angry about Anna’s accusation. She hadn’t phrased it that way, but that’s what it was. I stumbled blindly toward the showers, leaving Anna behind. I kept telling myself that it didn’t matter what Anna thought. If Ollie thought I was being obsessive, he’d never said anything. Our relationship was new. We were still getting to know each other. Just because Anna didn’t like him and hadn’t approved him before we started dating, she was being a big wet blanket about the whole thing. It made me angry. Sure, the way I’d met Ollie was unconventional, but I was unconventional. What was the better answer? Meeting someone new in bar? Most of those guys were worse than the sickos that posted personal ads on Craig’s List. I pushed through the heavy door into the locker room. My fingers automatically spun the combination on my locker and I flung the door

open. Grabbing up my personal items, I headed for the showers and a chance to think. Water sluiced down my shoulders and back, the curls in my long hair stretching until the whole tangled mass hung almost to my waist. It felt good. I took deep breaths, trying to center myself and let all of the stresses and worries wash down the drain with the dirt and sweat. Once I’d shampooed and conditioned my hair I felt ready to examine a few of the things that were bothering me so deeply. Anna was right in one thing. I was hopelessly wrapped up in Ollie. But where she thought of that as a negative thing, I figured it to be positive. I was looking for a long term, committed relationship. People in long term, committed relationships spent a lot of time together. They talked on the phone constantly, they met for lunch, had dinner together, did all that other couple stuff. I didn’t pause to wonder exactly what kind of couple stuff I expected to do with Ollie. I wasn’t there yet. Was Anna jealous? I mulled the idea over in my head for a while. It seemed possible. She was still single and showing no interest in committing to anything long term. That was just Anna. Was she worried that if I took that step into a long term relationship with Ollie that she’d lose me as a friend? I sighed deeply. That explanation made a lot of sense. But it also meant I was going to have to try and be understanding with Anna. I loved her. We’d been friends for too long throw it all away for

nothing. I needed to be careful not to forget about her. And if that meant forgiving her for being mean about Ollie, then I guessed I’d have to do that too. I shut the water off and reached for one of two towels I’d hung near the door. I flipped my head over and wound the smaller one around my hair, trying to wring as much water as possible from the long, tangled mass. Wrapping the fluffy white bath sheet around my body, I padded out of the shower and across the sand-colored tile floor to my locker. Jared and his partners had done a big renovation of the locker rooms to modernize the old building’s facilities nearly two years before. Anna helped them to pick out the furnishings for the women’s locker room and, true to her trendy nature, the result was pretty fabulous. Painted black, the overhead beams were visible, making the room less oppressive than the original low ceilings. Radiant heat flooring kept our bare feet warm and the walls were painted in shades of goldenrod and mocha. The lockers lining three walls were modern and neutral, a big change from the puke green prep school rejects of the old days. In the center of the room there were a series of benches covered in faux leather that could be easily wiped down but didn’t stick to your bare legs when you sat. A long vanity stretched the length of one wall with well-lit mirrors and plenty of places to sit and primp if you were so inclined. After grabbing my clothes, I disappeared into one of the dressing rooms adjoining the private shower stalls. Anna had no problem dropping her

towel in the middle of the locker room and standing buck naked for any and all to see while she pulled on her panties and figured out the clasp on her designer bra. Not me. Megan Myers doesn’t get naked for just anyone. I prefer to dress in privacy, thank you. Early evening is the best time to be at the gym. Most people are eating dinner and the hard core crowd has gone home to their protein shakes. I like it like that for a lot of reasons. Number one: although I enjoy oogling an attractive guy, I do not like watching body builders do their grunting and heaving while their muscles look like an overblown action figure. And number two: barracuda women piss me off. Those are the women who pay their membership fees and come regularly but never seem to work out. They dress in designer workout clothes, sit on the machines and put their heads together to whisper about how so-and-so should lay off the cupcakes and work out more often. Or, when they tire of taking potshots at other women, they hang around and check out any decent looking male in sight while taking it upon themselves to discuss his hypothetical sex life. There are quite a few barracuda women at our gym. I once told Jared that if he’d quit sleeping with them, they’d go away. He didn’t think that was funny. I stowed my shower stuff in my locker and exited the big double doors feeling a lot better. I’m a planner. I always feel better when I can identify a

problem and plan a solution. In this case, the problem was Anna feeling insecure about our friendship and the solution was going to be my patience. I said I liked to plan, not that I was any good at carrying them out. Jared’s gym is located in really old building in the Soulard area. The building is almost an entire block, and the gym is the whole first floor. Jared has one of the four apartments on the second floor. The others are rented to tenants. His partners live in other areas of the city. He’s the managing partner and the one who handles most of the personal training. It used to be primarily amateur boxers until they expanded their services to try and get a bigger clientele. One of the best things about the gym is that the building used to be an apartment complex and they managed to hang onto the pool in the lower level during reconstruction. I love to swim, so that was a huge deal for me when Anna first brought me to Jared’s gym three or four years ago. Unfortunately, I’m not the only one who likes a pool, though some people aren’t much into swimming. I already mentioned that I hate barracuda women. I could have been more specific and said I just don’t like two who seem to have taken up permanent residence in our gym. I don’t know their names, so I just call them Hungry and Desperate. Desperate and I have too much in common for my comfort. I’d like to think she’s a year or two older than I am, and that’s why she’s so desperate,

but I’m probably dreaming. She’s blonde haired, blue-eyed, tall, and model thin with no boobs and even less of a butt. Her legs are like twigs and the workout clothes she usually chooses don’t seem to flatter them in the least. Now, that’s my opinion. I’m a fuller-figured girl, so I’m sort of hard on the waif-thin set. The guys in the gym seem to find her attractive, but every time I see her, she’s still on the hunt. I’m continually surprised that she hasn’t found someone to marry, unless it’s her desperate vibe that chases them all away. I know from experience that you can’t let a guy know on the first date that you’re ready to go pick out wedding china. Hungry is a divorcee. Don’t ask me how I know that. I’ve got connections. Besides, she’s been stalking Jared since day one. Hungry is a brunette with contacts that make her eyes brilliant blue. She’s also on the slender side, but had a boob job. Jared once told me that she scares him when she uses the weight machines because he’s afraid those things are going to burst wide open and make a mess he won’t have the stomach to clean up. For some reason, Jared’s comment about bursting boobs is the one thing I think of every time I see Hungry and Desperate. Today was no exception. When I passed them as I exited the locker room, I had to swallow back a laugh. As it was, my chuckle came out as more of a strangled snicker. My faux pas earned me a suspicious look from Hungry. She doesn’t like me. I think it has

something to do with the friendship between me, Anna, and Jared. Hungry hates Anna with a passion. It’s not surprising, since Anna is so familiar with Jared that what passes for friendly banter between the two of them could be construed as serious flirtation by someone who doesn’t know any better. The two barracudas were several feet away from me, noses pressed against the wall of windows surrounding the natatorium. They weren’t even bothering to pretend to be working out. They were dressed in street clothes, heads together and whispering at a frenetic pace. Curious, I set my Lucky hobo bag on a bench several down from theirs and put my foot up to adjust the laces on my Doc. Glancing down at the pool area, it didn’t take me long to see what it was they were gawking at. Jared. More specifically, Jared getting out of the pool. My breath stuck in my throat and my palms grew clammy. He levered himself up from the water and gained his feet in one graceful move. Before he turned his back I got an eyeful of his washboard abs above the low-rise cut of his blue Speedo. Not that his back is any less awe-inspiring than the front view. Stretching across both shoulder blades is an artist’s rendering of a gryphon with wings spread. Because I’ve seen it close up, I know the gryphon has its claws open and ready to grab prey. The gryphon’s tufted tail snakes around Jared’s left side and ends right on the

hipbone pretty much where the waistband of his Speedo was at that moment. He tossed his head, shaking excess water from his wavy blonde hair. The simple motion made every last one of the muscles in his abdominal area ripple like God’s own artwork. My mouth went dry, and I had to clear my throat to catch my breath. Then something in Hungry’s muttered ramblings caught my attention. “I think he’s starting to come around,” she murmured to Desperate. “He was asking me a lot of personal questions earlier. I know I’d talked to him about starting some personal training sessions a few weeks ago, but I don’t think that’s why he was asking.” “You are so lucky,” Desperate purred. “I love a guy with just the right amount of body art. And that piercing…” she let the statement hang. “Sexy, I know. I wonder why he has it?” They don’t usually make me angry. I mean they do, but not like that. I don’t know what it was that ticked me off so thoroughly right then, but whatever it was made me pretty bold. It’s funny. Jared’s body art has always worked against him on my list of datable guys. I don’t consider body art a grown-up thing. I know that sounds silly, but I have this mental image of what my future husband will look like and body art just doesn’t fit in. Not that I don’t think it’s sexy. Jared’s tattoo was done by one of the most talented guys in the city, and it’s gorgeous. And even though everyone thinks there’s some sexually charged

reason for the nipple piercing, I know they’re wrong. Jared and his younger brother both got the piercings at the same time on a dare. Jared did the left and Jackson did the right. Two weeks later Jackson was killed in a head on car collision. So even though Jared didn’t originally intend to keep the piercing, it reminds him of his brother. My throat was tight as I pushed my way past Hungry and Desperate and into the pool area. I heard one of them, probably Hungry, call me a bitch, but I didn’t care. I wasn’t sure what I intended to do. It wasn’t like Jared needed me to rescue him from being oogled by a couple of barracudas. Taking the steps at a quick pace, my Docs squished their way over the wet floor around to the back of the room where Jared was drying off. The air was thick and heavy. My hair began to curl wildly in the humidity and the chlorine smell was a familiar tickle in my nose. He saw me coming, face easing into a warm smile that showed a peek of his irresistible dimples and made his blue eyes dance. I picked the first words that popped into my head. “I didn’t really get to thank you earlier.” “Thank me for what?” He wrapped his towel securely around his waist and turned toward the door. I fell into step beside him and nudged him lightly with my shoulder. “For watching out for me

this morning. You and Anna were right. It was a good idea.” “Anna is always right, remember?” “Yeah, it’s kind of hard to forget.” “So how did it go?” “He was really…” I searched for the perfect word and found it strangely difficult. “Terrific, I guess.” “You guess?” We paused at the bottom of the stairs and I was hyper-conscious of Hungry and Desperate’s evil stares on my back. “It was just like talking on the phone. He’s easy to talk to and we seem to be able to talk about anything. It’s great.” “But?” I glanced up, surprised. I hadn’t expected him to probe farther, but I’d forgotten how perceptive he was. “I still feel like I don’t know him as well as I’d like to.” Jared nodded slowly, running a restless hand through his damp hair. “Is it just that you get swept away exchanging comments and observations and don’t ever get to the gritty stuff, or are you withholding things from each other?” I’d come down to the pool to talk to Jared and make some kind of point I didn’t even understand to two barracuda women I didn’t care about. I hadn’t intended to have a heart to heart with him that would set me thinking about things I wasn’t ready to examine yet.

A soft smile touched his handsome features. “You don’t have to answer that. It’s just something to think about, I guess.” Oh, he’d gotten me thinking all right. I bravely slapped a smile on my face and trotted up the stairs in front of him. I could hear him behind me, his bare feet treading softly. We entered the observation area right in front of the locker rooms under the watchful gazes of Hungry and Desperate. Jared nodded to them in an impersonal yet respectful way before turning back to me. “I’ve got a meeting later tonight with the partners, but call me later if you want to talk, all right?” My heart swelled and I forgot all about Hungry and Desperate. Reaching out, I wrapped my arms around his waist and pressed my face to his warm, bare chest. He smelled wonderful, a mixture of chlorine and his own personal spice. “Thanks, Jared. You’re the best.” He chuckled, giving me a squeeze before tugging a loose curl. “I know you and Anna aren’t on the best terms right now, but that doesn’t mean you don’t need a listening ear.” “Good luck with your meeting.” I pulled away and turned back toward the entrance. He disappeared into the men’s locker room and I left, no longer caring that I’d made my point and more with Hungry and Desperate. If I could even remember what point I’d been trying to make.

Chapter Four Sometimes when you think things are going perfectly, life takes a swipe at you and knocks you right on your ass. That’s why I was only marginally surprised that my kitchen sink sprang a major leak the following day. After dragging all the usual clutter from the cabinet and packing it with towels to soak up the mess, I grabbed my phone to call for help. Normally I would’ve immediately called Anna. When it comes to emergency home repair, she has half a dozen contractors in her mental rolodex that will move heaven and earth to do her bidding. It’s sort of a real estate perk. She throws regular business their way for her clients when it comes time to pass inspections, so she’s a preferred customer. But Anna and I weren’t exactly on the best of speaking terms. There was also my fledgling relationship with Ollie to consider. My mom, who with my dad had retired like a cliché to Florida years before, had always said the best thing about having a man in her life was not having to worry about taking care of the little home repair problems. So even though I was a modern girl and liked my independence, I admit I was sort of psyched that I now had a man to call about my little leaky sink problem.

But what milestone in a relationship had to pass before I could call Ollie for stuff like that? I waffled back and forth, tossing my phone from hand to hand while sitting on the floor with my back against the cabinet, trying to decide. Fortunately, the decision was taken completely out of my hands when the phone trilled Ollie’s special ringtone. “Hey,” I said, trying to put just the right amount of damsel-in-distress in my voice and not wanting to sound like a total imbecile. “Hey you, I can’t stop thinking about you. What’s up?” As always, his voice melted me like warm butter, and I basked in his acceptance. “My kitchen sink just attacked me!” I told him mournfully. “Aw baby, I’m sorry to hear that. Did you call the repair guy?” Hold on—the repair guy? I felt a wave of glum feelings wash over me as I realized Ollie and I must not have reached that relationship milestone yet. “You’re not going to come and rescue me?” His low chuckle sent a thrill sliding down my spine. “I’d be happy to come over there and rescue you any way you like, baby, but that won’t get the sink fixed. I’m pretty useless with the repair stuff. I know a guy that might be able to help you out though.” My sun came out from behind the clouds and I beamed into the phone. I hadn’t failed to reach a milestone. It wasn’t that Ollie didn’t want to help me, he just couldn’t. Home repair wasn’t his thing,

and I was more than willing to accept that. “No, you be the responsible one and stay at work. I’ll call a repair guy and get this taken care of.” “Are you sure?” “Yup, we both know if you come over here there won’t be any work done or any sink fixed,” I teased. I could practically hear him leaning closer to his phone for privacy. “Now you’re making me want to play knight in shining armor.” I had an odd flashback of Jared using that very phrase in his text the day before. I shoved the thought right back out of my head and focused on the sexy baritone coming to me through the phone. “Then maybe I’ll have to find some kind of distress to get into that you’re good at fixing,” I suggested. “Baby, you are one smart girl.” I don’t know how much longer that went on, us laughing and teasing back and forth with enough innuendo to make me start wondering how intense the physical aspect of our relationship was going to be. It wasn’t as if I hadn’t thought about what it’d be like to have a physical relationship with Ollie. I’m not a nun. I like sex. I like it a lot, in fact. But I can’t just jump into bed with a guy after knowing him for a few days or weeks. I want to be comfortable with him and trust him before making that kind of commitment. Because no matter what our modern standards tell us, there’s a commitment of some kind made every time the clothes hit the floor and you make for the bed.

By the time early afternoon rolled around, I still hadn’t gotten anything done about the sink. I had started pacing back and forth in the narrow hallway between my kitchen and living room, wondering if I were going to regret this next phone call. Deciding I had more to lose by not making it, I dialed Anna and held my breath. “This is Anna, how may I help you?” Uh oh, she was answering my call in her formal voice. That meant I was still in the doghouse. Feeling ten kinds of sheepish, I let my story tumble out. “My kitchen sink is leaking everywhere, and I don’t have a repair guy. I just always use whoever you send.” “Is the water turned off or is it still running?” I experienced a palpable sense of relief. Anna was in disaster control mode now. She wasn’t mad and she was going to help me. It’s amazing what I can tell just by her tone, but we’ve been friends a long time. “I got the water stopped, but I can’t use the sink and I’m afraid there’s something wrong with the pipes and they’ll burst. You know my luck.” She laughed. “That’s true enough. Hang tight, okay? I’ll have someone there in fifteen minutes.” I swallowed, acutely aware of how glad I was that I hadn’t lost my friend. “Thank you, Anna.” “Worried isn’t the same as angry, Megan.” I sighed, I didn’t want to open this back up to discussion. “I know. I’ll call you later once things have settled down here, okay?” “You’d better.”

She didn’t wait for me to say goodbye, she just hung up. I thought about what she’d said, about being worried. What was she so worried about? Ollie wasn’t the stalker rapist type. He hadn’t tried to abduct me from the café yesterday. We weren’t even sleeping together. What was there to be afraid of?

*** True to her word, someone knocked on my front door 13 minutes and 45 seconds after she hung up. Thanking my lucky stars for Anna’s micromanagement skills, I flung open the front door for the repairman only to freeze solid in shock a moment later. “Hey.” I gaped at Jared, painfully aware of my faded sweatpants dotted with water stains from my earlier battles, my snug plain cotton T-shirt, and my messy ponytail. “She sent you to fix my sink?” He shrugged. “Anna said it was an emergency. We could hardly let you float on down the Mississippi, could we?” He wore faded blue jeans with a rip across one knee and a long sleeved gray thermal T-shirt, and carried a big canvas tote with some hardware

brand name scrawled across it in one hand and a tool box in the other. “Can I come in?” His tone was patient. “This stuff is heavy.” “Oh sure.” I scampered back, holding the door. “Come on in. I was just surprised to see you. I guess I didn’t realize they taught handyman classes at Personal Trainer School.” Jared chuckled as he set his toolbox gently on my faded black-and-white tiled kitchen floor. “If I called a repair man every time something in that old building needed fixing, we’d be paying the guy full time.” “So you’re just cheap.” “Savvy.” “Same thing.” “You’ve shopped with Anna. You can’t tell me those two things are the same.” He knelt on the floor and stuck his head under the sink, carefully contorting his body and wedging his broad shoulders through the opening to rest on the cabinet floor. “You got me. Those two things are nothing alike.” I leaned against the opposite counter. “Has she always been like that?” His chuckle echoed in the cave of my cabinet. “Even when we were kids she was wearing the hottest Buster Brown saddle shoes and paying half the price everyone else was. I think she even sublet her lemonade stand.” I burst into laughter, imagining Anna convincing some poor little kid to rent her

lemonade stand and then taking twenty-five percent of the profits. “Did she have a day planner in Kindergarten?” Jared reached for a big, fat wrench. “Nope, but she used to get really upset if our teacher didn’t put the daily schedule up on the board every morning.” We both got a chuckle out of that one. After all, it wasn’t hard to imagine Anna going toe to toe with her Kindergarten teacher and demanding a closer schedule with less wasted time. “Well, well, Megan Myers. What kind of stuff are you putting in here?” He slid out from under the cabinet just far enough to shoot me a crooked grin. “What’s that supposed to mean?” “You missing anything?” “Not that I know of.” “Hang on, it looks like you wouldn’t be missing the whole thing. Just the bottom half…” Jared wrestled a bit with something underneath the sink. “What about electrical issues?” I frowned. “Well, I think the light bulb above the sink went out a few nights ago, but that’s not unusual. I’m not too good about turning lights out, so I burn through bulbs pretty quickly.” He made a noncommittal noise and reached for a huge pair of pliers. I stared around the kitchen, wondering what he could possibly be talking about. My kitchen is pretty small and basic. Not even a dishwasher. The old houses in Soulard weren’t wired for those kinds of luxuries. I didn’t mind. I barely cook. Not that I

can’t, but it seems pointless to make a whole meal for one person. My eyes drifted over the countertops, searching for whatever it was Jared was hinting at. They came to rest on the plug beside the sink next to the garbage disposal switch where I’d put one of the phone chargers I’d purchased to help me keep my stupid phone alive. I’d bought one for every room in the house so I wouldn’t have to go searching for one when my phone died. Let’s just say the one I’d placed beside the kitchen sink was no longer exactly where I’d put it. Though the plug part was still lodged in the wall outlet, the end that slid into my iPhone was strangely missing. Instead, a frayed wire lay next to the cookie jar on the countertop. Jared’s hand appeared from beneath the cabinet, pieces of my phone charger dangling from his fingers. “How exactly does this happen, Megan?” Totally at a loss, I started to giggle. “I have no idea.” “Luckily you chopped it up pretty good with the garbage disposal so it didn’t do too much damage under here. Looks like the cleanout plug got knocked loose. That’s an easy fix.” He grabbed another tool and a piece of the pipe he’d removed to retrieve the phone charger. “On the other hand, you’re lucky you didn’t burn down your house with an electrical fire. I’d guess your bulb above the sink is fine and it’s the breaker that needs to be reset.” “I can safely say I’m one hundred percent glad I didn’t have to explain that to a plumber.”

Jared erupted in laughter, his body shaking as he tried not to lose his grip on the tools. I couldn’t help staring at him. With his muscular legs tucked beneath his large frame to keep himself level, the way he was using his abs showed them off to a spectacular advantage. He really was something to look at. I could see why Hungry and Desperate liked to follow him around and stare. There wasn’t an ounce of excess anything on him. Jared had a shape and contour that demanded touching. You couldn’t see him and not want to run your hands all over him just to see if he felt as hard and toned as he looked. But there was a lot more to Jared Walker than looks, and I don’t think most people got that about him. “All right, that should do it,” he said, sliding out from under the sink. “That was it?” He flashed me a teasing grin. “Well it’s amazing how well the sink works when you take the phone charger out of it.” “Shut up.” Jared turned the water on full blast and squatted down to make certain it was no longer leaking. “You want me to help you put all this stuff back?” I looked around at the clutter I’d hastily rescued from the brief flood. “Nope, I’ll get it later. I needed to clean out the cabinet anyway. I’m sort of in the habit of cramming random stuff under there.” “Yeah, I can tell.”

I slugged his arm, flushing bright red with embarrassment over what was sure to become an infamous oops incident. “Cut me some slack. I was trying to cure the dead phone disease.” “Very true. That does deserve some props.” He washed his hands, and I tossed him a towel. With my little drama drawing to a close, I noticed something in Jared’s expression I’d missed earlier. I couldn’t put my finger on it exactly, but I could tell there was something bothering him since the last time we’d talked. “Are you okay?” I finally asked as he started to put his tools away. He shrugged. “Sure.” “Do you have a few minutes, or do you need to get back?” “Nope, I’m done for the day. Yours was the last house call on my list.” “Yeah, I’ll bet. You want to come in and sit for a bit? I’ll get you a water.” His face relaxed into a smile. “Thanks Megan, that sounds good.” He disappeared into my tiny living room and I grabbed a couple of bottles of water from the fridge. By the time I tossed one in his direction, he’d already stretched out on my loveseat, leaving me to my overstuffed chair. Snuggling into the soft cocoacolored chenille, I watched him drain half the bottle in one big gulp. “Okay,” I began, casting for information. “How was your meeting last night?”

He seemed to deflate right there before my eyes. “The partners were approached by a big chain. The offer was pretty good and they want to sell out.” I sat up straight. “What about you?” He shrugged a shoulder halfheartedly. “I’d still get to stay on and manage, but it’d be a franchise, so I’d be working for the man.” “Is it a done deal?” “Not quite. Tom and Rich offered me a chance to buy them out. If I choose not to, then majority rules and we become Flex Gym.” “Wow,” I mused. “That’s a huge decision.” “I know.” I drummed my fingers idly on the arm of my chair. “Tom and Rich are sort of silent partners when it comes to the day-to-day running of things, right?” He fiddled with the nearly empty bottle in his hand. “For the most part. They’re always a part of the process when it comes to financing a new venture or things like spending a bunch of cash to renovate or buy new equipment.” “What about the basic stuff? I know you hire someone to process payments at the front desk and take appointments and stuff, but don’t you pretty much do the rest?” His brow furrowed. “What are you driving at, Megan?” I shrugged, tossing one leg over the arm of my overstuffed chair and bouncing my foot. “I just wondered what you really needed Tom and Rich

for. Believe me; I understand all about needing investors to get something started. But you’ve got a solid business now. You should be able to go in and get some kind of a small business loan to buy them out or maybe even draw up some kind of document to pay them over a period of time from the profits. Then you’re really your own boss and things won’t change much.” Jared’s hands stilled on his empty water bottle. “So you’re saying you think I could run the gym all on my own?” “You pretty much already do. Your accountant handles all the payroll and stuff, but other than that, you’re already running the place yourself.” A grin stretched across my face. “And I can help you with the billing. It’s really easy. Just a little bit of software and voila!” He looked like a kid at Christmas. The shadow left his brilliant blue gaze, and his face relaxed into a warm smile that transformed him from merely attractive to irresistible. My stomach did an unexpected flip-flop, and I recoiled in surprise. Jared was my friend. I loved Ollie. I shouldn’t be going gaga over Jared no matter how happy I was that he was going to be able to make his dream of sole proprietorship come true. So why did I have this urge to get out of my chair, climb into Jared’s lap, and start making plans for this new venture? I stood abruptly, more to cover my sudden unease than anything else. “So, I guess I’d better see if I blew a fuse, right?”

He got to his feet with a chuckle. “That’s right. I guess we’d better go make sure you didn’t trash the whole electrical system when you decided to put your phone charger down the garbage disposal.” I hurried to the narrow door that led downstairs. Normally I look for any excuse to avoid the cold, claustrophobic confines of my cellar. Now I was practically beating the door down in my hurry to avoid any more awkward moments with Jared. “Do you have a flashlight?” He peered down the rickety wooden steps to the inky blackness below. “There’s a light switch along here somewhere.” I felt my way along the damp limestone wall and found the warped plastic plate. “Aha!” I flipped the switch. Nothing happened. “I’m guessing that switch is on the same circuit as the light above your sink. What about that flashlight?” Flustered, I turned around to find myself practically smashed up against his chest. I stepped hastily away on the pretext of grabbing a flashlight from the ledge just inside the cellar door I’d rescued from the leaky sink that morning. I fumbled and dropped the heavy thing, nearly smashing his foot. He gave me an appraising gaze. “Are you all right?” I couldn’t meet his eyes, choosing to stare at the cellar steps instead. “I hate going down there.” It was the first excuse that came to me. A warm, steady hand settled on my shoulder. “Hey, don’t worry about it. I’ll go down first.”

My skin burned where he touched me, as if I could feel the very essence of the electricity that made up his charismatic personality even through the fabric of my shirt. Keeping my gaze averted, I nodded. “Thanks.” Taking the flashlight from my suddenly numb hand, he eased his way down the old wooden steps, swinging the light slowly back and forth to see where he was going. I followed, too distracted by my reactions to him to worry so much about the dank cellar. “Where’s the box?” He glanced back at me over his shoulder. I gestured to an alcove on our right. “In the corner behind the stairs.” It was cold down there. The weather had been pretty mild for January, but the subterranean world of my ancient cellar never rose much above freezing. We sidestepped a few boxes and plastic storage containers clumped into tidy piles at the bottom of the stairs. “You really hate it down here, don’t you?” His soft drawl was loud in the close room. “Why do you say that?” “Because it’s like you come down and dump everything right at the foot of the steps and run back up.” I didn’t bother to argue with his assessment. He was right. I knew it was childish, but I always felt as if the boogeyman were hiding down there waiting for me to come down and spend a few minutes organizing things.

“Here we go.” The flashlight beam finally bounced off the subdued gray metal of the fuse box. “Can you hold the light for me?” I grabbed the heavy flashlight, careful not to clock him in the head with it and glad to have something to focus on. He fiddled with the cover before setting it aside. I was appalled at the mess of wires I saw wadded up inside the box. “Look at it! It looks demolished, like something chewed on it!” His low laugh took me by complete surprise. It was sexy and appealing and it made chills dance on every inch of my skin. “This is just what a fuse box looks like, especially in a house as old as this one. You really should have an electrician come out and bring it up to date. But honestly you’re lucky it’s as good as it is. Most of the houses in this area are worse.” “Seriously?” He selected a few more wires and adjusted something I couldn’t quite make out. “Yes, seriously. You were really lucky. See this fuse here?” He poked a cylinder shaped thing. “It just got blown.” “Look at that!” I gestured to the wires. “If Anna were an electrician instead of a real estate agent, things would not be this disorganized.” His shoulders shook with mirth. “That’s one of the things I love about you. You always know how to make me laugh.” One of the things he loved about me? Jared loved stuff about me? Was that normal for a friend? I mean, I love stuff about Jared. Like the way his

eyes dance when he smiles, and those dimples, and I love how he looks at me when I’m saying something, as if there’s nothing in the world he’d rather listen to. But I’m a woman. We notice that kind of thing. “You know what else I love?” He fiddled a bit more with the fuse box. “I love that you’re straightforward. I never have to wonder where I stand with you. Like upstairs, if you had thought it was a bad idea for me to buy the gym, you would have said so. With you, what you see is what you get, and that’s rare. I should know.” I might’ve missed that last comment if I hadn’t been straining my ears to hear every word out of his mouth. I wanted to ask him if he was talking about the endless parade of women through his life or something else altogether, but I couldn’t think past the idea that he’d just called me honest and straightforward, and there I was having weird, inappropriate thoughts about him. Well, straightforward or not, I wasn’t going to share any of that with anybody. Those were just things I’d have to get over on my own. After all, once Ollie and I got a little more serious, I’d never think about Jared in that way again. He clicked something into place and a lone orange bulb flickered to life at the bottom of the stairs. “There you go. Good as new. Although I can see why you hate coming down here. There’s almost no decent light to see by.”

I turned my head toward the lonely light bulb in question, but when I turned back to Jared, I promptly forgot what I was going to say. Sandwiched into the tiny space beside my fuse box, there wasn’t much room for the two of us to begin with. But he’d moved after replacing the dull, gray cover and now stood less than a hairsbreadth away from me. By some awkward circumstance of movement, we were now pressed intimately against one another, face-to-face. He was unbelievably warm in contrast to the damp cellar air. His body heat shimmered over my skin in waves, flavored by his distinctive scent. I inhaled in sudden surprise and became shockingly aware of every warm, hard inch of his muscular body pressed against mine. Nibbling my lower lip between my teeth, I peeked up at his face. Jared wasn’t smiling. A strange intensity lingered in his eyes, drawing his features into a tight mask that I couldn’t read. He was breathing deeply, chest rising and falling in rhythmic concert with mine. My eyes were drawn to the outline of the barbell he wore beneath his snug T-shirt. Searching for something to break the inexplicable tension, I latched onto the idea of the body piercing. “Does that hurt?” I asked, reaching up between our bodies to touch it. Jared inhaled sharply, hand settling hard over mine and pressing my palm flat against his chest. My fingers tingled at the first feel of his warm, supple pectoral muscle. I could feel his heart thundering beneath my palm.

I hastily took a step backward. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to…” He seemed to be back in control of his expression. “Don’t worry about it. Sometimes I think I should just get rid of the damn thing.” I took another step toward the stairs. “But it reminds you of Jackson?” He emerged from the space around the fuse box. “Yeah. And I’ve had it so long now that I don’t think it would close easily anyway.” Carefully turning my back to Jared, I trotted up the rickety steps. “Then you might as well keep it. It’s sort of sexy.” His footsteps paused behind me. “You think it’s sexy?” “Sure.” “What about your list? I thought guys with body piercings and tattoos didn’t make the cut.” I emerged in my kitchen and took a deep breath of relief. “That doesn’t mean I don’t think those things are sexy.” He turned off the lonely bulb and closed the door behind us. “So let me get this straight. You think body art is sexy, but you refuse to date anyone who has it.” How had I strayed onto this topic and why wouldn’t he just let it go? I knelt on the floor and started shoving cleaning supplies back under my kitchen sink just for something to keep my hands busy.

Jared leaned casually against my countertop. “Come on Megan, I really want to hear this explanation.” I gave an exaggerated sigh. “Sometimes sexy doesn’t matter, okay? I mean, sexy is all well and good when you’re out looking for a good time, but it generally doesn’t come with any strings attached. Or none that last anyway.” “So you’re saying sexy can’t be reliable or responsible, is that it?” I was suddenly aware that the word sexy had just been given a double meaning of some kind, but I wasn’t quite sure what it was. “I’m just saying that I’ve found the best way to sort through the potentials is to completely leave out guys that don’t make the list.” “And you’re not concerned about whether or not you marry a man you find attractive?” I pushed a gallon container of Windex to the far back corner of the cabinet. “I didn’t say anything about attractive, Jared. I said sexy.” “Don’t the two sort of go together?” “No.” I reached blindly for the dish soap, wishing with every fiber of my being that he would drop this topic and leave. “You’re confusing physical attraction with everything else.” “Then what do you do when you find someone sexy and attractive at the same time? Just cross them off your list?” My head pounded with a thousand things I wanted to say and a million things I didn’t. Instead, I leapt to my feet to face Jared.

His outward appearance was calm, collected, but I could tell he was seething inside. “What if you meet someone attractive and sexy and he’s perfect for you? What then? Do you just keep looking elsewhere?” Desperate to end the conversation, I latched onto the only thing I could. “It doesn’t matter what I find anymore, Jared. I’ve got Ollie. I don’t need to keep looking!” “Oh, that’s right. You’ve got Mr. Wonderful. How could I forget? Next time you should call him to fix your sink.” Jared grabbed his tools in one hand, arm bulging from the weight, and jingled his keys in the other. “See you later, Megan. I’ve got to go.” Mouth open in shock, I watched him leave with energetic steps. He tossed everything in the tiny trunk of his low-slung blue sports car and sped off in a whirl of squealing tires and engine whine. Watching him disappear around the corner I had the inane thought that this was what was wrong with sexy. It never made a damn bit of sense.

Chapter Five I was still thinking about Jared’s bizarre mood swings the following day when I met Anna for lunch. She’d picked a little hole-in-the-wall Mexican restaurant not too far from my townhouse. Their food is to die for. We eat there at least twice a month. The unseasonably warm weather had turned bitterly cold sometime during the night, so I drove the five blocks. Parking in the tiny lot across the narrow street, I zipped up my quilted pea coat and dashed to the doorway. Assaulted by freezing pellets of something that couldn’t decide if it was rain, sleet or snow, I managed to navigate the route without falling on my ass. Anna was already inside. Ensconced at a warm corner table out of the drafty air coming from the doorway, she was reading the real estate page of the Post Dispatch. She wore stiletto heels, a straight black skirt that came to the middle of her shapely thighs, a trendy jewel-toned blouse, and a designer jacket. Her long, white cashmere coat was carefully draped over an extra chair. I navigated my way back to her, taking special pains to avoid the jumble of brightly colored sombreros, cacti, chili ristras, and clay statues that decorated the tightly packed restaurant.

She looked up from the paper when I started taking off my coat, careful to put it on the back of my chair to avoid the perfection of her white cashmere. I didn’t need a mirror to know I didn’t look a fraction as put together as Anna did. My hair was curling wildly all over the place, having escaped the bun I’d secured that morning, and any makeup that still remained on my face was in streaks. Then there was the difference in clothing. My blue jeans, layered T-shirts, and Docs were coated with a layer of water. “Why are you so wet?” Anna asked. “Because it’s precipitating,” I said. “And because I don’t walk around in some weird personal bubble like you do.” “Don’t be silly,” she gestured to an umbrella leaning against the wall nearby. “I just came prepared.” “Sometimes I hate you.” “Oh come on, don’t be like that. I ordered your favorite.” Anna shot me a sly smile. “It’s Friday night date night. Surely you’ve got something else to be happy about?” A grin tugged at the corners of my mouth. There was that. “He’s picking me up at eight.” “Where are you going?” “It’s a surprise.” Anna pursed her lips. “Could you at least text me when you get there?” I smiled up at the waiter who put a glass of iced tea in front of me. “Yes, I’ll text you.” “So, did Jared get your sink fixed?”

“Yes, he did.” I remembered the strange conversation I’d had with him before he’d stormed off. “Speaking of Jared, is he involved with anyone right now?” Anna’s face closed, her expression decidedly guarded. “Why?” “He was going on and on yesterday about nobody thinking that sexy can be responsible.” Anna blinked in confusion. “What about sexy?” “I’m not sure, but I think he was using the word sexy as a euphemism for himself. And from the things he was saying, he sounded like some woman doesn’t think he’s good enough for her or something.” “Is that so?” I shrugged, trying to remain completely nonchalant. “I’ve just never seen him so agitated about something like that.” “I’ll have to ask him about it,” Anna murmured just as our food arrived, the smell of burritos slathered in green chili sauce and pico de gallo making my mouth water. I dug into my bean and cheese concoction, and Anna ate her chicken enchilada with as much elegance as she does everything else. I don’t eat meat at all, not because I’m a big believer in animal rights, I just don’t like it. I’ve been vegetarian for so long that I think it’d make me sick to change my habits. “You know what Sunday is, right?” Anna lifted an eyebrow. “Third Sunday of the month.”

“And?” I rolled my eyes. “Brunch. I’ll be there. Some things just shouldn’t be messed with.” “What about fourth Friday happy hour at Cheeky’s?” I was reminded of my earlier theory about Anna’s bad attitude toward Ollie being tied up in her worries about losing my friendship. “Another sacred event that I wouldn’t miss for anything.” “Good.” “In fact”—I slanted a sideways look at her—“I think I’ll see if Ollie can come with me. Maybe if you two meet him, there won’t be so much friction.” She straightened, a brilliant smile lighting up her face. “I think that’s your best idea yet.” I grinned, feeling better than I had since making my ill-fated Ollie announcement at my birthday party. My friends were important to me. If my relationship with Ollie was going to go anywhere, I needed to reconcile the two parts of my life.

*** I wasn’t quite as nervous about putting myself together for that first official date night with Ollie as I had been for our first meeting. Seeing him in person had proved not only that the chemistry between us was real, but that we could have as

much fun doing live conversation as we did chatting online. It was a good feeling. For the first time in a long time I began to wonder if I might actually marry before that dreaded personal deadline. Not that I’d be flinging that idea at Ollie anytime soon. I didn’t want to scare him. I dusted off my nice clothes for that first official date. Just because I don’t dress up very often doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy doing it every once in awhile. I chose my favorite dress, something Anna picked up for me on a trip to New York. The filmy black number has a plunging neckline and high waistline that always manages to make me feel dainty and feminine. The skirt hits just below my knees and the sleeves are cap so I added a soft, clingy wine-colored cashmere cardigan. Searching my closet for just the right shoes, I gleefully dusted off my high-heeled black boots. I just prayed I wouldn’t fall flat on my face from a lack of practice wearing them. The hair was a little trickier. At 7:40 I was still cursing myself for not scheduling an appointment with Anna’s stylist. Knowing I had very little time before Ollie would show up at the door, I did my best to untangle the dark mass before taking a chance and leaving it down. I had to admit that the end result in the mirror wasn’t bad. I wasn’t going to win any red carpet fashion awards, but I didn’t quite qualify as a fashion disaster either. At least finding a purse to go with my ensemble wasn’t an issue. I have a bit of a handbag fetish.

It’s probably my only major spending pitfall. I love designer bags. My entire bedroom is covered in them. If there were much in the way of closets in my townhouse they would be stuffed full of handbags. I grabbed one of my favorites, a small Guess purse with plenty of chrome and black distressed leather. Packing it full of those essential things you never want to be without, I slipped my feet into my boots and zipped them just as I heard a knock on the front door. Stopping to run a final check of makeup and hair probably would’ve been the best course of action, but I was too excited. I hadn’t’ seen Ollie since that first Wednesday morning at the café. Even talking on the phone for three or four hours a day didn’t satisfy the longing I felt for him. I flung open the heavy oak front door and tried to keep my smile from leaping off my face. He wore neat black pants and a dark green button down shirt that ratcheted up the gorgeous factor of his green eyes to almost unbearable. He was smiling, even teeth flashing in the light of my front steps. He’d brought me a dozen red roses. “Hey you.” He held out the roses. “Holy cow, you’re beautiful.” I took the flowers, my belly twisting into tight knots that sent pulses of awareness to every part of my body. Right then and there I wanted to wrap my arms around his neck and see if his lips were as full and soft as they looked.

I cleared my throat instead. “Thank you. They’re beautiful. You want to come in while I get a vase?” “Sure, thanks.” Tall and broad, he dwarfed my kitchen with his overwhelming presence. Vividly aware of his frank scrutiny of my home, I reached beneath my newly organized sink for a vase. Filling it half full of water, I set it on my petite kitchen table and arranged the roses inside. “I see you got someone to fix the sink.” I laughed, suddenly bubbling over to tell him about my silly adventure. “You’ll never guess what started the trouble.” Ollie took a few steps around the table, his gaze fixed on me. “What happened?” “My phone charger got stuck in the garbage disposal.” Both of his eyebrows shot up. “I can’t believe I did something so stupid!” “Stupid?” Ollie grabbed my hand. “Megan, you were incredibly lucky. The breakers in these old houses aren’t what they should be. If the power hadn’t gone off, your sink would have been live! You could’ve been electrocuted just by touching it.” He lifted my hand to his mouth, lips brushing my knuckles. The bottom dropped out of my stomach altogether and a tingle shot down my spine. I felt giddy and more aware than I’d felt since before Professor Jackass. “Just the thought of what might have happened practically gives me a heart attack.” He pulled me

closer. “Please be more careful. Did the repair guy get everything squared away?” “Anna sent Jared over to take care of it. You remember I told you about my friend Anna, right?” “The real estate agent.” “Yup. She knows half the contractors in the city so I always call her when I need something taken care of. “ “So is Jared her boyfriend?” A niggling sense of unease rippled through me. “No, Jared is the guy you saw the other morning at the café.” “I see.” The flat tone in his voice and the decided chill in his eyes didn’t quite match the nonchalant look on his face. Feeling unexpectedly uncomfortable, I headed for the front door. “Are you ready? I’m excited to see where we’re going. You never told me.” The coolness in his expression was replaced by forced warmth. “It’s a surprise. I promise you’ll like it.” “Great!” I managed to remain vertical on my trip down the front steps in my high-heeled boots, and Ollie opened the door to his SUV to help me in. It wasn’t a monster truck, but it still took a little leap for me to land my butt on the seat. “Careful with those heels.” “Afraid I’m going to unintentionally stab you with them?” I arranged the edges of my wispy skirt

around my legs and tucked them safely into the vehicle. “Baby, you can do whatever you want to me with those heels.” He shut the door and strode around the vehicle, climbing inside and settling himself behind the wheel. The Barbies were absent from the backseat. I wasn’t sure why, but I was glad. I took a deep breath and smelled faint traces of Ollie’s cologne. I tried not to be distracted from the questions burning in my mind. Our conversations thus far had always been prone to light banter. I didn’t really mind. I liked the playful tone of our interactions. It was one of the things that had drawn me so forcefully to Ollie in the first place. But my talk with Jared burned at the back of my mind. “So, do you go out much?” I blurted out before I could stop myself. He glanced over, surprise evident in his expression. “Not all that much. I date occasionally, but not usually long term.” I’d already stuck my fat mouth in the middle of this conversation without clearing it with my brain, so I figured I might as well see things through. “Why not?” He shrugged, looking distinctly uncomfortable. “Women tend to look for one of two things in a guy.” “That would be?” “Looks and money.”

I fiddled with the clasp on my handbag, not liking the bitterness in his tone. “Wow, you don’t cut us any slack do you?” Ollie flashed me a grin. “Don’t try that wounded female sensibility stuff with me. I’ve heard you cut your gender less slack than I do.” “Crap, you know all my secrets.” “I can think of a few secrets I haven’t had the pleasure of learning.” “Dare I ask what those might be?” “Not on a first date. It’d blow my gentlemanly image.” I pressed my hand to my heart and batted my eyelashes. “My word, I do declare you to be a rake of the first order Mr. Oliver.” His brow furrowed. “Ugh, Ollie please. I’m Mr. Oliver at work and nowhere else.” “So why not Elliot?” I mused, trying it out. “Oh Ellie, you’re so…” “Emasculated,” he finished, mouth curved into a wry grin. “You’re a bear of a man; I can’t imagine much that could emasculate a guy like you.” “Baby, you flatter me.” “No seriously,” I argued. “I can’t see you as even remotely girly.” “Carissa would disagree,” he muttered darkly. I felt as if someone had sloshed ice-cold water down my back. I cleared my suddenly dry throat and ran my tongue over papery lips. “Who’s Carissa?”

He hadn’t meant to say her name; that much was obvious. Ollie was carefully controlling his facial expressions, but his lips thinned into a tight line and his pulse beat rapidly in his neck. A knot formed in my stomach, and I began to wonder if Anna had been right about Ollie without even meeting him first. “Who’s Carissa, Ollie?” “Just someone from the past.” “What kind of someone?” I tried not to sound demanding or angry and managed neutral at best. The glow from the SUV’s dash didn’t offer much in the way of light to scrutinize the details of his expression. “She was my last serious relationship. It ended awhile ago.” “Not well, I gather.” He made a noncommittal noise in his throat. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to bring her up like this.” I inhaled deeply and then exhaled slowly, forcing the tension from my body with it. “No. We’ve both got baggage. My last relationship didn’t exactly end well either.” Ollie turned and met my eyes. “He wasn’t physical I hope.” “No, nothing like that, but he was a Professor of Behavioral Sciences who liked to do social experiments with beautiful college girls.” “Is that so?” “Yeah, like two at a time.” “I’m sorry, Megan. Nobody should have to go through that.” “I’ve just had enough of cheaters and liars.”

“I have too.” He took my hand and brought it to his lips for a soft kiss. “Let’s not talk about this kind of stuff tonight, okay? Let’s have a good time and try to relax.” “It’s a deal.” “Are we bargaining?” A grin kicked up the corners of my mouth. “Why? Did you have something you wanted to trade?” “Where do I begin?” Our conversation slid back into the witty exchanges that were so much a part of our chats. I had wanted the conversation to get deeper, to reveal those things about he and I that were the core of what made us so compatible. We’d touched on the surface, but I guessed any more would have to wait for dinner. Maybe wherever we were going would have an atmosphere conducive to probing conversational topics. I was both surprised and excited when Ollie pulled up to the valet park in front of Ruth’s Chris Steakhouse. Despite the fact that I don’t like meat, this place can really knock your socks off in the menu department. I love their stuffed mushrooms and the sweet potatoes… I almost bounced in my seat like a little kid while I waited for Ollie to run around and open my door. “My lady.” He took my hand and helped me out of his vehicle. “I can’t get over how amazing you look, Megan. I’m going to be beating them away with sticks tonight.”

“I could care less about them. I’ll be too busy staring at you to notice.” Our table wasn’t quite ready, so we headed into the bar to wait. Ollie found us a spot and I climbed up onto the barstool, enjoying the vantage point. He laughed at my antics, perching on a seat beside me with his feet still firmly planted on the floor. The bartender looked to be a college student, his black hair artfully tousled and his blue eyes reminding me vaguely of Jared’s, though they weren’t nearly that dazzling. “What can I get you?” he asked, his words slurring together in a distinctly St Louis fashion. I opened my mouth to answer, but Ollie beat me to it. “The lady will have a margarita and I’ll have a Crown and Coke.” The bartender lifted one narrow eyebrow at me. “Salt on the rim?” I shrugged one shoulder. “Sure.” Now, I don’t know if this is universal, but in the St Louis Metro, a margarita is the pretty much the standard drink of choice for most women. I’m not most women. I don’t drink much and when I do, I drink strictly Bud Light. That’s why Robbie at Cheeky’s will bring me three bottles of Bud Light every time we’re there. I’m a total creature of habit and he knows it. After three I switch to iced tea. Of course Ollie and I had never really discussed details like that, so I sort of let it slide. I knew he was very much the type of guy who liked to feel as if he were taking care of his woman, so I figured he thought he was being a gentleman. I decided to

wait and set him straight later, since ruining this first date was not on my list of preferred activities. The bartender served our drinks and I took a slow sip of mine, the bittersweet flavor of tequila and lime washing over my tongue. Shifting in my tall barstool, I glanced around at the other patrons in the crowded bar. “Look at you, short stuff,” Ollie teased, reaching out and tapping the end of my nose. “Hey, the heels on these boots can only help so much.” “I still really like those, by the way.” I glanced down, pointing the toe of the item under discussion. “I don’t wear them much. I’m a big girl already, even if I am on the short side, and I don’t like to feel any bigger than I have to.” “You’re not a big girl, you’re curvy.” His eyes looked me up and down appreciatively. “And I love every last one of those curves.” “Is that right?” He leaned closer, eyes mesmerizing in the dim overhead lights of the bar. “To love ’em any more I’d have to do something really inappropriate.” My heart thundered in my chest. “That sounds like something I’d like to hear a little more about.” It was probably a good thing that our table was ready right about then. I don’t usually go around kissing men in public places, but something about Ollie pushed me forcefully in that direction. Picking up our drinks, we followed the elegantly dressed hostess into a dining room draped in old-world style. Booths hung with thick,

ivory drapes for privacy lined the walls and the floor was peppered with linen-covered tables dotted with crystal wine glasses. Chandeliers hung from the vaulted ceiling, and servers dressed in formal attire drifted purposefully throughout the room carrying trays full of steaming food and cold drinks. Ollie had reserved a private booth in the middle of one wall with an incredible view of the entire room. It was big enough to seat four and the two of us sat together with our backs to the wall. The intimate atmosphere wasn’t lost on me, and I practically vibrated with eagerness. This was the perfect setting for a long, cozy conversation filled with enough personal details to satisfy even my curiosity. “This is incredible, Ollie,” I said as soon as the hostess had retreated. He took a big swallow of his drink. “I wanted to bring you someplace special where we could talk.” “It’s perfect.” His smile faded and his expression turned serious. “I know we haven’t known each other nearly long enough for this kind of thing, Megan, but you’re really special to me. I want to get to know you a lot better.” My throat was tight. “I feel the same way.” “My buddies keep telling me I’m crazy, but I just can’t get enough of you.” “What do they say?” He shrugged, a grin tugging on the corner of his mouth. “Most of them are single, so it’s usually a bunch of bull about not getting tied down.”

“Is that how you feel?” His big palm cupped the side of my face, his thumb tracing my lower lip. “Not at all. You don’t tie me down. If anything, I feel like I could take on the world with you.” Here was one of those things I was dying to hear, that I needed to hear. “Why?” “Well, you’re drop dead gorgeous,” he said with a smile. “But it’s more than that. I love your sense of humor and your willingness to try new things.” “Those are some of the things that attract me to you too,” I admitted. “But you’re also willing to accept my shortcomings. And that’s something I’ve never found in another woman.” The mysterious Carissa hovered at the edge of my consciousness. I wasn’t born yesterday. I knew Ollie had been out with lots of women before me. But somehow I didn’t like the thought of them at all. It sent pangs of jealous insecurity whipping through me. Were they prettier? Funnier? Had he loved them? “So… Are we a couple?” I hated the insecurity in my voice. “God Megan, do you really have to ask?” Arm resting on the back of the booth, he leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to my lips. It was brief, chaste, no parting of the lips and not nearly enough to satisfy the longing growing inside me. An impeccably dressed server appeared beside our table. “Good evening, I hate to interrupt, but would you like to get started with some delicious

appetizers this evening?” Her smile was just the right balance of warm and helpful. I hadn’t even thought to look at the menu. Reaching down to find one, I was surprised to hear Ollie order an entire meal for two in one long breath. Stunned that he hadn’t even asked my opinion, I picked up my margarita and took a long pull. The liquid swirled down my throat and hit my empty stomach with a vengeance. “The steak here is always perfect,” he said. “And some of the side dishes are worth a trip back all on their own.” I nodded. “This is one of my favorite places to eat.” “You’ve been here before?” “Anna, Jared, and I come at least three or four times a year. Almost always for Jared’s birthday, since it’s his favorite restaurant.” Ollie’s lips thinned. “So, tell me about Jared and Anna. How long have you guys known each other?” Comfortable talking about my friends, I rambled on without thinking about how it might sound to Ollie. “So Anna sells real estate and Jared owns a gym?” “Well, he’s actually a personal trainer too. I think he’s about to buy out his partners and go into business for himself, which is really exciting.” Ollie chuckled. “I’m glad you have such great friends, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little jealous of Jared.”

I was both surprised and flattered by this confession. Reaching out to him, I tickled the whiskers on his chin. “You’ve got nothing to worry about. Jared is totally not my type. Besides, he’s a player, and I don’t date players, reformed or otherwise.” “It’s still a little hard for a regular guy like me to compete with a personal trainer.” Swallowing to clear the lump in my throat, I tried to coax moisture to my dry mouth. I wasn’t good at confessing attraction, but I was willing to give it a try to ease his insecurity. “I don’t think there’s any competition.” A blush heated my cheeks. “You’re tall enough to make me feel tiny and I love your broad shoulders.” He leaned closer, canting his body toward mine and brushing my face with his fingers. “And I love your eyes,” I added. “They’re beautiful.” “So are yours. And this hair…” his voice trailed off as he twined his fingers through a lock of my thick curls. “I could spend hours running my fingers through this silky stuff.” “Careful,” I warned. “My hair has attitude. It’s liable to bite your hand off.” “I’ll happily take that chance. Especially after seeing it loose like this. My mind is picturing all kinds of ways to see it rippling down your back.” His eyes bored into mine. “Your bare back, while I give you a massage and pamper you until you’re so relaxed you don’t want to move.”

The erotic picture he was painting in my mind sent shocking jolts of heat rushing throughout my body. I shifted in my seat, aware that my surprise was probably showing on my face. His expression turned apologetic. “I’m sorry. Sometimes I can’t help being a guy. It’s not all I think about, but seeing you knocks the breath out of me sometimes and I just want to take you home and make you mine.” “It’s okay. It’s not like I’m some blushing virgin who hasn’t considered what it’d be like to wake up naked beside you.” He groaned, eyes sliding shut. “You’re killing me, baby.” “But what a way to go, huh?” We laughed, the tension dissipating as the server returned with our stuffed mushroom appetizer and another round of drinks. I grimaced as a new margarita appeared before me, but I didn’t want to seem like a complainer, so I let it go. At some point we were going to have to discuss this ordering for me thing, but there was plenty of time for that later. I polished off another delicious stuffed mushroom and wiped my mouth with a white linen napkin. “You said before that you got a Facebook account so you could keep in touch with your family. How much family do you have?” “Too much.” He gave an exaggerated, longsuffering sigh. “Tell me.” “What will it get me?”

His devilish grin made me laugh. I loved this playful side of him. It was something that usually seemed to be lacking in my dates, probably because most of the playful guys were ineligible for one of the reasons on my list. “I’m the youngest of six. I love my family. But I get tired of being the errand boy. When you’re the youngest you’re always the youngest.” “What does that mean?” “It means I still get bossed around.” I lifted an eyebrow and tilted my head. “I can’t imagine anyone bossing you around.” Ollie took a long pull from his drink. “I’m a big old teddy bear, baby. Everybody bosses me around.” “All right, errand boy. I’ll remember that.” He grabbed my hands, clutching them to his chest. “See, now that she knows the truth, even Megan is going to start treating me like a slave.” I felt giddy, probably from the margaritas. Tossing him my best flirty look, I cleared my throat. “So you don’t want to be my slave?” His eyes darkened and he tugged me closer. “Baby, you can enslave me any way you want.” I inhaled deeply, loving the clean smell of him and feeling wild and adventurous from the alcohol in my system. “I think I could come up with a few things for you to do.” “Yeah?” I nodded, drawing closer and closer until we were mere inches apart. “I hate cleaning toilets. So that’d be your first job.”

We laughed, the sexually charged tension once again dissipating into playful banter. The still sober part of my brain wondered how long that was going to last. When would innuendo stop being enough? The server arrived with our entrees, and Ollie arranged the food on the table to his satisfaction. “I actually have to make a trip south to see my folks tomorrow.” “It’s always best to play the dutiful child, you know.” “Oh, is that your philosophy?” “Sure.” “Where do your parents live?” “Florida.” “That is so not fair.” I eyed the medium rare piece of meat on the plate he placed before me, thinking that there were a lot of things in life that weren’t fair. Like how I was mostly likely going to feel in the morning. It was probably just as well that Ollie wasn’t going to be around. I was going to be in no shape to see him. “So I won’t be back until Sunday,” he said. “I understand.” I cut my meat into tiny pieces. “I think I can survive on my own for a few days.” “I don’t know. After the garbage disposal incident, I’m not even sure I can trust you to stay alive that long on your own.” We took cheap potshots at each other until the margaritas I was drinking made me too punch drunk to keep up the pretense of wit. The

restaurant was nearly empty, and I was shocked to realize it was nearly midnight. “You know, I’ve got to drive four hours tomorrow morning.” Ollie threaded his fingers through my curly hair. “I should probably be getting you home.” “I think I’ll just sleep the whole day while you’re gone.” “Once I get there it’ll be nuts. I’ll try to call but I’m not sure how that’ll go.” “Do they know you met an Internet hoochie?” I asked, managing to keep a straight face. “God, I’m not even going to bring that up! I think I’ll just tell them I met an incredible girl in the produce department of the grocery store.” “Sounds good,” I agreed. “That will become our official story.” I barely remembered getting into Ollie’s SUV. He hummed along with the radio the entire way back to my house. I was warm and sleepy and basking in the happy glow of this newfound relationship. “Here we are. Don’t move. I’ll help you out.” “I’m not that bad,” I tried to argue, but he’d already gotten out and run around the vehicle. “Careful, I don’t want my baby hurting herself.” Ollie reached around and undid my seatbelt before helping me gently to the pavement outside my townhouse. “Carrying you inside is looking like a tempting option here, Megan.” “I’m fine, really.” “I love it that you’re a lightweight.”

“Leave it to you to make a compliment sound insulting.” He laughed. “Come on. Let’s go.” The sharp night air revived me a little bit on our way up my steps. Thank God there were only five of them. I don’t think I would’ve made any more. He patiently held onto my shaky body while I tried to remember exactly what key worked in my front door. It was quiet outside. The night sounds of the city were muffled by the ancient brick and stone walls of the Soulard buildings. We were still in January, and things wouldn’t really pick up for our little section of the city until people starting thinking about Mardi Gras. “I’ve got it.” I turned the key and shoved my front door open. An uncomfortable silence descended. I was in no condition to invite him in for a drink and we both knew it. But I couldn’t help wondering if he was disappointed or glad. It was disgusting really. Being around Ollie seemed to consistently reduce me to nothing more than a hormonally imbalanced teenager. He took the guesswork out of the post date protocol. “I’d love to come inside with you, but I think you need to get some sleep and I’ve got an early drive.” “I’ll miss you.” “I’ll miss you too.” Before I could spend any more time wondering, he leaned down and took my mouth in a soft kiss. It

was sweet, but it was over all too soon and I wanted more.

Chapter Six I paid the price for my wonderful Friday night date night on Saturday morning. I was sicker than a dog after three margaritas, more than my fair share of sweet potato casserole and the four bites of filet mignon I had managed to choke down. It’d been so long since I’d eaten beef, let alone rich medium rare steak, that I was lucky I could remain upright for any period of time. Combine that with alcohol I don’t generally drink and it’s a recipe for disaster. I didn’t make it out of my bed until a little past one, and even then it was only to grab another bottle of water from the fridge. “Good Lord, Megan! I was really hoping it wasn’t a hangover keeping you out of the gym this morning.” Anna gave me a towering frown. I hadn’t even heard her let herself in. Squinting through the sunlight seeping around my blinds, I shot her a dirty look. “It’s not a hangover.” I reconsidered my answer. “Okay, maybe a little bit, but it’s more of a meatover.” “What the hell is a meatover?” “Ollie ordered me steak last night, and now I feel like I’m the one who went through the meat grinder.”

“You’re a vegetarian.” Anna said it like she was explaining things to a toddler. “I know that.” “Doesn’t he?” “It’s never come up in conversation.” She propped her hand on her hip. “And he didn’t think to ask before ordering your food?” I groaned. “Will you quit yelling?” “You’ve got a three beer limit, Megan, or did you forget to tell him that too?” I repeated my lame excuse. “It never came up.” The bed dipped as she sat down. “Okay, the first thing you need to do is compose an email to him about your basic personal habits because none of this ever seems to come up in conversation.” “We do talk,” I insisted. “Obviously, or I’d have been kicking his naked ass out of your house this very minute.” I pulled the pillow off my head. “You wouldn’t have!” “Oh I totally would have,” she snapped. “You never texted me!” “Oh shit.” “Yeah, I know. It never came up in conversation.” “I was just excited. He took me to Ruth’s Chris.” Anna’s eyebrows lifted. “Really?” “Yes, he got one of those booths along the wall and we stayed until they practically kicked us out.” “At least he’s got good taste,” she grudgingly admitted.

I heaved myself into a sitting position and reached for my water. Taking a few drinks to wash the cottony feeling from my mouth, I replayed last night’s events through my head. “I wore that dress you got me.” “The one from Saks?” “Yep, and the boots.” “So he didn’t lie about his height.” “Six feet plus.” Anna crossed her legs and bobbed her foot, a testament to her inability to sit still for very long. “And?” “He’s a really good kisser.” A smile touched her pretty features. “That’s always good to know, isn’t it?” “He hasn’t pushed me for sex even though I know he’d like to.” She rolled her eyes. “He’s a man, Megan. They all want to have sex. Thoughts of sex monopolize the male mind at least once every five seconds.” “But he didn’t get rude or pushy about it. Remember Professor Jackass?” She burst into a fit of giggles. “Or that accountant you dated? I thought he was going to start humping your leg right there in the restaurant.” I flopped back down on a mound of pillows and laughed even though it made my head pound. I could vividly remember Trevor the accountant. He’d been a whiney, self-absorbed social drinker who had started trying to get into my pants from the first moment we met.

Anna shook her head. “Thank God Jared and I doubled with you guys.” “I know. I couldn’t believe Jared had to have a private chat with him in the bar.” Anna tugged on a lock of my hair. “You really know how to pick them.” “At least I don’t secrete some kind of weird pheromone that turns them into stalkers that try to buy me creepy things like boats and racehorses.” That shut her up. Jared and I had teased her more than once about her bizarre effect on men. “So what are you going to do with the rest of your day?” Anna blatantly switched subjects. “You’re looking at it, although I do need to get caught up on work.” “Meaning Ollie has other plans for today.” “He’s visiting his parents.” “Um hmm, I see. And tomorrow?” “Tomorrow is brunch. It’s not an Ollie event day. But on that note, I don’t know what he’s doing tomorrow.” She looked at her watch. “I’ve got to show property this afternoon and I still have to go home and shower.” I hadn’t noticed, but she was wearing her workout clothes. “If you need anything this afternoon, Jared’s at the gym.” “Thanks.” I warily took my earlier thoughts about Jared from their place in a mental file drawer labeled avoid. “Did you happen to talk to him about what I said to you at lunch?”

There was a pause. I could tell she was cautiously deciding what she could say that wouldn’t violate the friend agreement. “Yes.” “And?” Anna’s expression turned pensive and she nibbled her full lower lip. I wondered if she were balancing the need to share something she thought I needed to hear with the possible violation of Jared’s trust. “You don’t have to tell me anything, Anna.” “No, you need to hear it. You were right about him feeling inadequate, although it’s a lot more complicated than you realize. Just cut him some slack okay. You’re not the only one going through relationship growing pains.” Her words unleashed a torrent of raw emotions inside me. I barely heard her tell me she’d catch up with me at Norton’s in the morning before leaving through the front door. Jared was going through relationship growing pains? Jared was a player. His relationships lasted two or three weeks, maybe a month at the max. Had he met some amazing chick he wanted to settle down with for a long-term fling? Or even more unbelievable, was he considering settling down for more than a fling? I rolled over, clutching a pillow to my chest and trying to figure out why that idea was so horribly foreign to me. He was Jared. If he wanted to shack up with some woman long-term I should be happy for him. Or should I? Would having a significant other make it less likely that he’d be able to hang

out with Anna and me? Would we have to add his new lady friend to our little group? A vicious stab of jealously hit me with unexpected violence. I had no interest in befriending any of Jared’s bimbos. I didn’t want to talk to one or look at one or pretend I cared where she wanted to have the wedding she would inevitably try to plan. I didn’t want things to change between us. I wanted it to stay the same. It was supposed to be Anna, Megan, and Jared. We were buddies. Adding another woman to the group was unacceptable.

Chapter Seven The weather dawned bright and warm on Sunday morning. I got up early since I’d had my fair share of sleeping in the day before. I didn’t take any special pains with my appearance, throwing on comfortable jeans and a pullover. I piddled around my townhouse, cleaning bathrooms and mopping floors like a responsible grownup. Though I didn’t like to admit it, I kept waiting for Ollie to call. He hadn’t called all day Saturday either, though I’d gotten an email assuring me he’d had a wonderful time on Friday night. The lack of calls on Saturday didn’t surprise me overmuch since he’d been going to spend the day with family. But he hadn’t said anything about being out of touch on Sunday and doubts nibbled away at my confidence. 10 am rolled around and I opted to walk to Norton’s in order to better enjoy the sudden, spastic change in weather. Jared was already there, sitting at a table in the warm morning sun with a cup of black coffee. A welcoming smile lit his handsome face when he saw me enter the restaurant. I returned his smile, looking around for sign of Anna. “She’s going to be late.” He guessed my question before I could ask it. “The client she

showed property to last night put a contract on something, so she’s negotiating this morning.” I bobbed my head, pulling out a chair and plopping down. That essentially meant we could expect Anna to breeze in for about thirty minutes and talk of nothing but this latest deal. Neither Jared or I really minded. Anna’s blatant enthusiasm for her job was part of her charm. He shifted in his seat, his expression easing from smiling to concern. “I already ordered since I wasn’t sure when you’d make it. Anna said you were pretty sick yesterday. Are you feeling any better?” My head bobbed up and down again and I wondered if he were thinking about the way we’d parted after the sink incident. I couldn’t get the conversation out of my mind. His accusations about sexy and responsible kept whirling around. I took my sunglasses off and set them on the table beside my phone and keys before putting my head in my hands for a few moments. I needed to center myself. It was just Jared. Things shouldn’t be so weird. I heard the waiter approach. I tried to pull myself together, aware that I needed to achieve some kind of normal behavior. If I couldn’t, it was just going to get weirder and weirder and I didn’t want that. He was a good friend that I didn’t want to lose. “Does the lady want to order?” the waiter asked, no doubt thinking I was still suffering from a wild Saturday night.

If only that’s what it was. I took a deep breath, prepared to put on a happy face and order my breakfast. After all, I was starving after eating almost nothing on Saturday. “She’ll have the French Toast with a large orange juice.” I froze in surprise at Jared’s smooth, confident answer on my behalf. “Sausage or Bacon?” “No meat, but add a side of fruit salad instead. And a glass of water too, please?” “I’ll have that right out with yours, sir. Thank you.” Jared had ordered my food. It wasn’t really a big deal because I almost always ordered the same thing when we came here. Normally I wouldn’t have batted an eyelash. Jared had ordered for both Anna and I in the past while we took a quick trip to the Ladies’ room or if we were late. So why was it such a big deal today? It wasn’t hard to figure out. It was because of Ollie and the way he’d ordered all the wrong things without asking my opinion on Friday night. It occurred to me that Jared had known me a lot longer. That was why he already knew that I wanted fruit instead of meat with my breakfast. Ollie hadn’t been around long enough to figure out all of the little things. I massaged my temples, trying to sort through the mish mash of feelings and emotions cluttering my brain. I wanted to make excuses for Ollie. I was almost hardwired to do it since I wanted so badly

for our relationship to grow and flourish. But it was difficult to ignore the simple fact that Jared could order my food because not only had he observed closely, he’d asked questions. In fact, we’d had a couple of discussions about it because Jared’s a redblooded, meat-eating American male who thinks I’m crazy but respects my decision anyway. “Megan?” I looked up in response to my softly spoken name. How could I not when his concern for me was a tangible thing between us. “I know we left things kind of tense the other day and I’m sorry.” He fidgeted, restlessly running his fingers through his wavy hair. “But if you ever need anything, I want you to know that I’m here.” The earnest expression on his face touched me. Was Anna right and he was really going through some sort of relationship growing pains with a stranger I’d never met? Was I going to lose this friendship forever? The waiter brought our food, giving me something else to concentrate on. Grateful for the distraction, I watched from the corner of my eye as Jared dug into his Cajun-style eggs and potatoes while I picked at my French toast and fruit salad. It was now or never. If I didn’t try to straighten this entire thing out before some other woman took him away from me, I would never get another chance. “What were you really asking the other day when we were talking about sexy and attractive and responsible?”

He paused, and I could practically hear his mental sigh. “I just think you judge a book by its cover too often, that’s all.” Could all of this really be explained in one old cliché? “Because I don’t date guys who don’t meet the criteria on my list?” “I think it’s easier to explain from a slightly different angle. What is it that attracts you to Ollie?” The million dollar question. What was it anyway? “He’s easy to talk to, for starters.” “What else?” “He’s funny and we laugh at a lot of the same things, so there’s a lot of that witty back and forth that makes you feel like you really connect with someone.” “And?” Jared pressed. “We share a lot of the same personality traits.” Jared frowned. “Like what? You haven’t really known him long enough to decide that, have you?” Those words coming from Anna might have made me mad. Jared’s casual comment made me think. What were Ollie’s personality traits? “He’s not controlling, he likes to try new things…” I couldn’t really come up with anything else. “Okay, what things does he like to do?” Jared asked gently. “Remember that stupid quiz you and Anna got out of Cosmo?” “The one about couple identity?” Jared nodded, sunlight glinting off the gold highlights in his short hair.

A knot formed in my stomach and I put my fork down before fiddling restlessly with my napkin. “Well, he listens to all kinds of music, but he likes Country. He likes reality television, hanging out with friends and going on float trips in the summer.” “So where, in all of that, is there a stretch of common ground for the two of you to build your relationship? You hate Country music, you don’t watch much TV, and we both know float trips are just an excuse to drink the same beer in a new environment.” “If both of us like to try new things, we’ll find new activities to do together,” I stubbornly insisted. Jared chuckled. “You keep using that same phrase, about trying new things. What does that really mean? You always were mule-headed when it came to lost causes.” “Hey! Don’t call me and Ollie a lost cause. We’ve barely started dating!” I should’ve been hopping mad at the judgment in his words, but I wasn’t. Jared wasn’t trying to be mean. Anna was the one who was openly hostile toward my relationship with Ollie. I got the feeling Jared was just concerned and his friendship was something I didn’t want to lose because of my temper. So I lifted an eyebrow and let his accusation go. The bright smile he gave me in return caught me off guard, making my heart rate jump and my breath catch. The waiter set our check on the table and Jared threw down a few bills before I could even pick up

my purse. “Come take a walk with me. It’s nice out.” “Where’s Anna?” I suddenly remembered that our other partner in crime had never managed to show up. “You know Anna, she’s probably still negotiating. She’ll catch up when she’s convinced everybody to do what she wants.” Jared stood and gestured to the door. “So, how about it?” We exited the restaurant and I followed Jared’s lead toward a small park several short blocks down the narrow street. Faded, crumbling brick buildings rose on either side of us. Their narrow windows were hung with bright curtains and held window boxes that would be full of flowers once the real warm up arrived. The few trees lining the street were bare of leaves. Spring was still several months off, though the weather felt almost spring-like. The sky was pale blue and the air was brisk. It was a nice day for a walk. Tucked into the neighborhood surrounding the Soulard Market, the park was empty that Sunday morning. Jared took one of the gravel-lined walkways, passing a towering playground structure and some swings. Deciding I had nothing to lose, I asked the question that had me burning with equal parts curiosity and dread. “So, are you seeing anyone?” His blue eyes met mine. “Not really, why?” “I just wondered if that was what sparked the whole sexy versus attractive thing the other day.” I kicked a stray stick with the toe of my Doc.

“How long have we known each other, Megan?” Distracted by the sudden change of subject, I shrugged. “Three or four years?” “Four and a half years ago, Anna brought you to my gym for the first time. I know the two of you had been friends for awhile before that, because I felt like I already knew you from listening to Anna talk about you.” His words gave me a jolt. Had it been that long? How could he remember all of that so clearly? “In all that time, have you ever seen me really date anyone, Megan?” I thought back, choosing women from my memory bank and then setting them aside when I realized he hadn’t actually dated them. “You’ve been out with a few.” “Once or twice maybe.” The knot in my stomach grew tighter. “Why are you asking me this?” “In college I pledged a fraternity my Freshman year. For the next four or five years, all the way through college and into my adult life, I had more casual sex than I care to recall.” The blood drained from my face. I did not want to hear this. “I want you to understand something.” He paused on the path and turned toward me. “The only thing I managed to get out of those years was a healthy respect for restraint and a reputation.” A reputation? “The biggest mistakes of my life were made during the first year the gym was open,” Jared

admitted quietly. “I slept with a number of my clients, and that doesn’t go away. After awhile, people just assume you’re still doing it.” We weren’t walking anymore. I was barely breathing. “So what I want to ask is this: have you ever actually known me to do those things or be that person? Have you really known that I’m a player, or have you just taken everybody else’s word for it?” I cleared my throat, turning and continuing down the path. “I never really thought that much about it. I know Anna used to tease you about all of your women.” “She hasn’t done that in years, Megan. I asked her to stop.” “Why?” He seemed to clam up, his openness receding into a noncommittal shrug. “Partly because it was time, and partly because I want other things in life.” I swallowed a thick lump that had just appeared in my throat. “You do?” “Don’t you?” “I guess that’s why I’m dating Ollie, isn’t it?” He veered off the path, heading for another adjoining section of the park. “I don’t know, you tell me.” “It is what I want,” I decided. “To find someone who’s like the second half of me, that person I don’t want to be without. I want to marry and have a family and stop being so lonely.” I was acutely embarrassed that I’d just admitted that to him.

What kind of loser was I that I’d toss all of my most secret desires out there for him to sort through? “There’s nothing wrong with that.” He touched my shoulder. “I think it’s what all of us want after we manage to grow up a little.” I hesitantly went a step further. “Wanting those things with someone is why I go for attractive and not sexy.” “Are we back to that again?” “I just want more than a handsome face and a great body.” He chuckled, eyes dancing in his chiseled face. “I still think you’re not giving sexy enough credit.” “Maybe you just don’t understand how I feel. Look at you. Wherever you go you have beautiful women falling all over you. They make up excuses to talk to you, to touch you, to be with you. Maybe hanging onto sexy is just too stressful.” Jared suddenly stopped walking, standing stock still in the middle of the path. His eyes took in every inch of my body from head to toe, lingering until I felt a blush heat my cheeks. What was his problem? I knew I didn’t look like Hungry or Desperate, but surely he could understand what it was I was trying to say about gorgeous men. “You don’t think you’re good enough.” His voice was so low I barely caught his words. “What are you talking about?” “What you just said, about women throwing themselves at me? Are you trying to tell me that you don’t think you can compete with them? That a

sexy, attractive guy who loved you would be distracted or lured away by one of those women?” I had been, but I hated the way he’d phrased it. As if I thought I was inferior. Did I think that? Was that why Ollie was safe? Because he wasn’t the type that would attract a lot of other female attention? Horrified at myself and my thoughts, I turned away from Jared and pressed my hands against my flaming face. How could I think about Ollie like that? Friendly, understanding Ollie who maybe didn’t look like Jared, but didn’t deserve any less in the way of admiration. “You see everybody else so clearly, Megan. Why can’t you see yourself the way I do?” I barely registered his words. I was sinking into a well of self-doubt, wondering if I was following this path because I was falling in love with Ollie or because I was running from something else. How could everything I believed about myself be so wrong? “Megan, turn around. Don’t hide from me.” I thought about that day, in the cellar, when I’d been so frightened by the strange thoughts tumbling through my head concerning Jared. He was my friend. I didn’t have a lot of friends, that’s not the way I’m wired. Was anything worth risking that friendship with him? His gentle grip settled on my arm, forcing me to turn and face him. I tried to keep my face averted, but he gently put his thumb beneath my chin, giving me no choice but to meet his deep, blue gaze.

For the first time in forever, I allowed myself to really look at him. Jared Walker is intense. There’s really no other word for it. At first glance he’s all rippling muscle and tanned skin wrapped into an athletic package that stands just shy of six feet tall. But if that’s all you see when you look at him, you’re missing some of the best parts. Like the way his eyebrows give life to his expressions, the elegant arches lifting in question or angling to show off his wicked sense of humor. Or the way he grits his teeth when he’s thinking and the muscles in his jaw jump around. And he has the sexiest mouth of any man I’ve ever seen, the kind of mouth you dream about kissing if you’re brave enough. “I asked Anna to bring you to the gym that very first time, Megan,” Jared admitted quietly. “She talked nonstop about this wonderful friend she’d made, a straight shooter who always made her laugh and whose loyalty was just as stubborn as her personality. So I told her I had to meet this girl.” I swallowed, my throat thick and fuzzy as I watched the emotions fly over his features. His hand shifted, his forefinger keeping me from looking away, and his thumb gently stroking the line of my jaw. Chills raced over my skin at the light contact. “The first time we talked, I didn’t know what to think.” He smiled at the memory. “You weren’t like any other woman I’d ever met. It was obvious the gym thing wasn’t really your scene, but that didn’t

stop you. You found what you liked about it and you were happy to share that with Anna and me. You insinuated yourself right into our lives and made things better when I hadn’t even realized how much they were lacking. Your sense of humor is incredible. You’re not afraid of anything and you’re always ready to help out a friend.” How could he be so deluded? I was scared of everything! More than anything else right then, I was scared of him. A shadow touched his face. “I’ve watched you go through some pretty bad relationships. For years I’d wish you the best of happiness and hope that I could at least be there if you got hurt. And there were a few times I stepped in when I thought things got out of hand. I kept thinking it was nothing that any other friend wouldn’t do.” He was going to start in on hating Ollie. I suddenly realized that this was where he was going with this entire, lengthy, uncomfortable conversation. He agreed with Anna that Ollie was bad for me, and he was about to say so. That’s why Anna hadn’t showed up this morning. She was going to give Jared a chance to convince me that Ollie was Satan in disguise. Adrenaline began winding its way into my bloodstream. I was getting really tired of this argument. Something shifted between us. I couldn’t have said what it was, but the atmosphere turned electric. Awareness crackled in the air, and Jared’s face grew tight with emotion I didn’t understand. My chest heaved, my heart pumping as if I’d run a

mile on the treadmill. My palms began to sweat and I rubbed them restlessly against my jeans. “You’re beautiful inside and out, Megan. You need to know that,” Jared murmured, closing his eyes briefly. “And I’ve wanted to do this for so long.” Everything around us slowed as I realized he was going to kiss me. I don’t know when it became inevitable or why I didn’t try to stop him. I’d expected us to argue, but his lips descended on mine and I was swept away. Heat built inside me, every inhibition falling away as Jared flooded my senses. His familiar scent filled me with comfort, shifting in my mind to blend with the spicy taste of his kisses. My hands had been hanging loose at my sides, but without conscious decision, my arms wound about his shoulders and my fingers tangled in the hair at the nape of his neck. I pulled him closer, wanting more, needing him to fill me with something I didn’t understand. He complied, arms sliding around my body and pulling me tight against his warm, supple frame. His mouth opened, tongue slipping between my lips to slide against mine in a maddening rhythm I couldn’t get enough of. He was warm and soft, fire and heat and desire all wrapped into one. His hands moved. One tangled in my curls and the other slipped down my back to cup my backside, holding me powerless against him. My senses broadened, becoming slowly aware of other things as his tongue retreated from my mouth and

his lips skimmed my jaw to the hollow beneath my ear. We fit so perfectly, my hips against his, a growing hardness between our bodies beginning to burn with the contact. Jared kissed my neck, his mouth trailing wet kisses down the column of my throat. My head lolled back, my body demanding he continue and my brain too stunned to protest. Somewhere in the back of my mind I knew I shouldn’t be doing this, but I wanted it, and him, more than I had ever known. I don’t know what would have happened if my phone hadn’t interrupted us. Ollie’s Marimba shattered the mood and made me leap out of Jared’s embrace. I fumbled for the phone, unable to meet Jared’s eyes. “Hey baby, I’m missing you,” Ollie purred in my ear. Tears stung my eyes. What was I doing? Was I no better than Professor Jackass to be with one and then the other as if I were the player? “Hey Ollie, how was your trip?” “It’s family, baby, you know how that goes.” “Are you home yet?” “No, not until late tonight, but I’m wishing I’d taken you with me. Nothing sounds better than a few hours in the car chatting live with Megan. Can I take you to dinner tomorrow night?” Jared stood half a dozen paces away, an unreadable expression on his face as he listened to my side of the conversation. I had to make him understand that this was a onetime thing, a

mistake. I couldn’t let him think I was interested in him like this. He was my friend and I didn’t want to lose that. “Actually, why don’t I cook for you tomorrow night at my place?” There was a short pause on Ollie’s end and then, “Are you sure?” “Of course.” I wasn’t but I wasn’t going to tell Ollie and Jared that. “That would be wonderful, Megan, really special. Thanks. What time can I come over?” “Right after work?” Another pause. “I’ve got a few errands to run after work. How about eight o’clock or so?” “Sounds great. I’ll see you then.” I hung up the phone, aware that my goodbye hadn’t held its usual warmth and wondering if Ollie had noticed. There was an awkward silence between Jared and me. The day’s brightness seemed to fade a little and the breeze took on a chill. I wondered if my mood could actually affect the weather or if we were just in for the usual lightning quick change. “Megan.” There was an agonized look on his handsome face. “Don’t,” I told him, holding up a hand. “Don’t make excuses.” He took a breath to say something else, but I didn’t want to wait. I didn’t want to hear his explanations or his regrets. It was hard enough already when I couldn’t understand my own feelings. I didn’t want to know anything about his. “I need to go.” I turned and walked blindly away.

I kept going, watching my Docs as they crunched down the gravel walkway and then turned onto the sidewalk. I kept my eyes down, seeing the pavement shift to blacktop and then back as I crossed streets on my way back to the safety of my townhouse. How could things have gotten so out of hand so quickly? Worse still, how was I supposed to make them go back to the way they were?

Chapter Eight If you aren’t a natural people pleaser, you won’t understand how difficult it is to have friction between you and your friends. I can’t stand to leave things unfinished or unsettled or to feel like the people who mean the most in my life are unhappy with me. It’s why I let Anna boss me around sometimes and why I always try to support my friends no matter what they do. And truthfully, it’s why I desperately want their approval. Making the people close to me happy is what makes me happy. It’s just the way I’m wired. So, with that in mind, you might be able to imagine how horrible I felt after leaving Jared alone in the park. But I didn’t know how to fix that situation. I didn’t know what I could do to make it better. I didn’t even know what it was that had happened between us. How had we gone from discussing our life problems to kissing in the park? I spent Sunday afternoon curled up in my overstuffed armchair with a thick blanket. It was my favorite place to think. Dressed in an old pair of yoga pants and an oversized hoodie, I stared at the faded wood floor and watched the strips of sunlight grow longer as the clock on the wall ticked off the minutes.

I felt wrung out and couldn’t understand how I’d gotten that way. Things were supposed to be better. I’d gotten through that damned anniversary and decided to kick start my life again. I’d taken the first step, reached out and met someone wonderful. Sure, Ollie and I hadn’t started out in the conventional way, but this wasn’t the eighties or even the nineties. You could order pizza online, why shouldn’t it be possible to meet your soul mate that way too? Then there was Jared. Was I even ready to try and decipher that disaster? I’d always hidden behind my list of reasons he was undateable. I’d felt safe and happy in the knowledge that while he was way out of my league, we were still really close friends. Why wouldn’t I be happy with that? I knew him better by being his friend than any of the women he’d dated ever had. Was knowing him so well the thing that had blurred the line between friends and something more? Around and around inside my head, like a carousel out of control that I couldn’t step off of. Ollie or Jared, Jared or Ollie. Was I even crazy to think that there was a choice involved? Jared had accused me of having what amounted to an inferiority complex. Was that why I’d chosen to meet someone online? Had I been hoping they would see the person inside first before getting a good look at the whole package? Was that really what I’d done? My hands clenched involuntarily and I stared at them, thinking back over the years at the

relationships I always found myself getting in and out of. I dated solid, steady, pretty average-looking guys. Anna was the one who dated the flashy, tall dark and handsome men who looked like they’d just walked off the cover of GQ. Why was that? Sure, Anna was a shameless extrovert and beautiful to boot. But did that really bother me? I was almost the opposite, shy, quiet and introverted without any desire to be the center of attention. I didn’t want a flashy guy. I just wanted someone who loved me. I didn’t want to spend my whole life feeling as if every other woman in the room was staring at my guy. I didn’t need that kind of trouble. It hit me all at once like a sucker punch. Just because a guy looked like a flashy extrovert didn’t mean he was. Jared was trying to tell me that he was tired of people thinking that’s who he was. He wanted to be loved for who he was inside, not what people saw when they looked at him. Jared was sexy and attractive, but he wanted someone different, someone like…me.

*** Sunday nights at the gym aren’t crowded. I parked my car in a spot right outside and pushed my way through the front doors, still uncertain why I was there. The desk was deserted and Jared’s

office was empty. I was glad. Any excuse to put off contact between Jared and me was a welcome one. I pushed my way into the locker room while trying to settle on one of the million or so reasons I’d given myself for being there. It was warm inside, familiar. I spun the combo on my locker and set my hobo bag on the shelf. I stared at the jumbled assortment of workout clothes, waffling back and forth. Which would it be; the dogged numbness of the treadmill or the cool kiss of the water in the pool? Part of me wanted to find Jared, to demand an explanation for what had happened earlier in the park. The rest of me wanted nothing to do with any explanation, afraid that I might not like it. So, going with the majority of my emotions, I dug my swimsuit out of the pile. I glanced furtively around the empty locker room even though I didn’t see or hear anyone. Shucking out of my clothes with as much speed as I could muster, I grabbed at my swimsuit and pulled it on. If you’ve ever tried to put on a bathing suit quickly you know it’s not an easy job, but I managed. My distaste for being naked in a wideopen locker room sometimes conflicts with my laziness about lugging my stuff back and forth to a dressing room. Just as I settled the straps on my shoulders, Hungry pushed her way into the locker room. I could not have been more relieved. Of all the people I wanted walking in and catching me trying to stuff myself into my bathing suit, Hungry was at the

bottom of my list. Reaching for my towel, I gave her a once over from the corner of my eye. She was dressed in street clothes, but what struck me as odd was that she was alone. I almost never saw her without Desperate. I can safely say that Hungry has never looked at me in anything that might be construed as friendliness, but there was a decided chill to her expression that evening. Her pinched face and dark eyes were almost hostile. Something else about her that evening struck me as odd until I realized that her blue contacts were gone, replaced with rimless glasses. I honestly thought the switch was rather flattering to her, but she didn’t look as if she’d welcome my opinion on the subject. Not even bothering with the pretense of a polite nod, I exited the locker room for the natatorium. The warm, humid air embraced me when I entered. I set my towel on a deck chair and kicked off my flip-flops. The blue water was unbelievably inviting, especially in light of the inner battle my head had been waging with my heart all day. I wanted this respite from my personal life. I needed it. Technically we’re supposed to wear a swim cap in the pool. Men aren’t required to, just women. Anna and I have told Jared multiple times that this is sexist, as some men use more hair product than any woman, and most of them are in the process of going bald, so they lose more hair too. That argument usually gets a grin out of him, but he

never enforces the rule, so it’s sort of a moot point anyway. I could care less about the swim cap thing, except that trying to stuff all of my long, curly hair into a tiny piece of rubber is like trying to fit an elephant in a Prius. Of course, swimming with my hair loose doesn’t work either, if I ever want to comb it again, so over the years I’ve settled for a braid and left it at that. It only took a few moments to plait my hair before diving into the 10 foot end of the pool. I can still remember the very first time I went under water as a little kid. It was terrifying and fascinating all at once. The muted noises and the liquid freedom that comes with the water are intoxicating. I felt as if all of my worries and insecurities were left above the surface. Reaching out my arms and kicking my feet, I propelled myself through the cool water until a burning sensation in my lungs forced me up for air. Settling into my usual pace, I began a series of freestyle laps. When I lost track of how many times I’d crisscrossed the pool, it occurred to me that I’d been slacking off on my swimming lately. The trembling in my muscles and the lightheaded sensation were dead giveaways. I knew why. I’d been spending a good chunk of my time chatting online or on the phone with Ollie. It was always that way when I was deep into a relationship. It had been the same during my eight-and-a-half-month relationship with Professor Jackass.

I stopped swimming, turning over and floating on my back in the pool. There were eight lights hanging overhead, huge bulbous things leftover from the old apartment building days. I’d teased Jared once about cleaning them by filling the pool with Windex and just dipping them in. Now I squinted my eyes to make them blur together in streaks while I bobbed aimlessly in the water. Why did I do that? Why did I allow my relationships to take over my life? Professor Jackass had been obsessed with museums, and while we were dating, I had visited every single museum in the St Louis area, and there are a lot of them. We even have a Dog Museum. I’ve been there twice. On the flipside, Professor Jackass had never come to the gym with me. I couldn’t even remember if I’d even asked him. Why not? Why wouldn’t I want to do the things with my significant other that I did all the time with my friends? I sank farther into the water, wondering if Ollie liked to swim, or take walks or ride a bike. Would he do those things with me if I asked him to? Did I want him to do those things with me? Why wouldn’t I if I were seriously considering a longterm relationship with him? How come all of this stuff was so damned complicated? I pulled myself to the edge of the pool and heaved out of the water. I flashed back to Jared’s graceful exit from the pool the other day and chuckled out loud. I’d never be that coordinated. Water seeped out of my suit and ran in rivers from

my braid. I left a trail of drips all the way over to my towel. I wrung out my fat braid until it was a few pounds lighter before drying my face, shoulders and arms. Then I wrapped the fluffy white towel around my body. The towels had been one of Anna’s most emphatic suggestions for Jared about the locker room renovations. He’d taken her advice, though I don’t think he totally understood the draw of a great big fluffy towel. My feet found their way into my flip-flops and I headed for the steps. I felt better. I didn’t have all the answers; I wasn’t stupid enough to think that I ever would. And I didn’t have a clue as to what I was supposed to do with this strange thing that had happened between Jared and me. But I knew I had to talk to him. And I needed to talk to Ollie as well. I needed to nail him down and get some answers about what we were going to become if we continued to be a couple. My teeth were chattering by the time I managed to slip out of my swimsuit and pull on my clothes. Not even the radiant heat in the tile floor could alleviate the chill that settled into my bones. Not in the mood to tangle with my messy hair, I ignored my braid. Pulling on my sweatshirt, I left the hood up and grabbed my hobo bag. I wanted nothing more than to go home, take a warm bath, and snuggle into bed with a mug of hot chocolate and a book. Tomorrow would be soon enough to deal with everything else in my life. I needed a night to relax and get myself together.

The gym was empty. The huge round clock on the back wall read ten minutes to eight. I hadn’t realized it was so late. I glanced around instinctively for Jared, knowing he’d be getting ready to close and not sure if I wanted to see him or not. I’d almost made it to the front doors when I heard voices. Curious, but not wanting to be obvious, I slowed my steps and looked around from the anonymous safety of my oversized hood. A woman’s sob caught me completely off guard and I pushed my hood back and dropped any pretense of indifference. Jared’s office was located right behind the front desk, his door only a few steps away from where I was standing. Shifting to my left, I could see him inside with someone. It took me a moment to recognize Hungry. Stunned to find them alone together, I didn’t even bother to feel bad about my eavesdropping. “You can’t mean that, Jared!” Hungry was trying to reach for him. Jared stepped back, holding up his hands. “I told you it was over.” “But I left to be with you!” “Don’t you put that on me, Gillian, you had other reasons, and you know it. I told you long before you left that there was no chance.” “But the other day…” She pressed her hands to her mouth. “You asked me.” “That’s my job, Gillian. I didn’t do it out of a personal interest in you.”

“Because of her? Is that why? That’s when you stopped loving me! When she came here!” Her accusation brought me forcefully aware of my intrusion. My heart was thundering in my chest so loudly that I was shocked they couldn’t hear it. Hungry, whose name was apparently Gillian, had mentioned to her friend the other day that she thought Jared was coming around. Was this what they were arguing about? Was Gillian the woman Anna had been hinting at with her growing pains speech? Gillian? Had Jared been seeing her all this time even when he’d been kissing me in the park just hours ago? Every ounce of peace I’d gained from my swim drained out of my mind and body. My muscles clenched and my throat closed as I fought the urge to cry like a baby. What the hell was wrong with everybody? “Well screw you, Jared Walker!” Gillian and Jared were still having their little lovers’ spat. She flung a pile of papers at him and stormed from the office. I froze as she stopped about two feet from where I was standing, her angry face scorching me with its intensity. “Oh perfect, at least now the cat is out of the bag,” she snarled. “Aren’t you just the luckiest bitch on the planet? Does it make you feel special that high and mighty Jared Walker can break up a marriage and then throw away his prize just because precious little princess Megan arrives on the scene?”

I had nothing to say. How could I? I hadn’t the foggiest idea what she was ranting about, though my suspicions were drowning me in doubt and horror. She stomped past me, turning as she exited to fling one last thought over her shoulder. “I hope you make each other miserable!” I had two choices. One, march into Jared’s office and demand an explanation. Two, follow Gillian out the door and go hide in my Townhouse. Two was looking like the better option when Jared appeared in his doorway and took the choice right out of my hands. “Don’t go,” he rumbled. “I owe you an explanation and I can’t stand how awkward things have gotten between us lately.” My eyes fluttered closed briefly and I thought about leaving anyway, refusing to listen. But that’s not how I’m made. A part of me still wanted to make things better, to fix things and smooth them over. If I felt awful, Jared looked it. He was disheveled, a shadow of gold stubble on his face and his faded sweatpants and T-shirt rumpled. His feet were bare and for some reason, I wasn’t lost to the intimate feeling that tiny fact lent to our situation. “It isn’t what you think.” His face twisted into a rueful smile. “Or at least it’s not what I think you think.” I shifted, leaning my hip against the front desk. “Then what is it?”

He crossed his arms over his muscular chest and rested one broad shoulder against the doorjamb. “Remember earlier I told you about my mistakes during the first year running this place?” I nodded, how did one forget a conversation that changed everything? “Gillian was one of the last women I had a relationship with during that time. I’d already started to realize how much I needed to change the way I was living my life. When I found out she was married, I ended it.” I remembered what she’d said to me. “And she still left her husband?” “She and her husband were through. They were both sleeping around, and I found out later that I wasn’t her first indiscretion.” “That was five years ago, Jared,” I reminded him, my voice soft. His expression was pained. “I know. Gillian has never truly let go of the idea that we belong together. It becomes an issue every once in awhile, and I have to give her a firm no.” “It must not be firm enough.” “I’m realizing that now. She came to me with a request for personal training a few weeks ago and I went ahead and started the process, thinking it’d been so long that there was no chance she’d start in on this again. I was very wrong.” I tried to process what he was telling me. I knew it all made sense. Some of it I even had from Gillian herself. But there were other things, other

points that I couldn’t get past. “What does any of it have to do with me?” “Anna introduced you and I not long after Gillian’s divorce was final. She’s got it into her head that I won’t go back to her because of you.” “Why would she think something stupid like that?” Jared pushed away from the doorjamb, closing the distance between us in two strides. He took my hand in his, tugging me closer. Stunned by the contact, I could only watch it happen. A lump of dread formed in my belly, and I wished I could stop time like a bad film. “You’re the only one who can’t see it, Megan.” “See what?” My voice was faint. “How much I love you.” Jared eyes held mine with an intensity I couldn’t shake. “How much I want to be a part of your life, to be that person that completes you.” “No!” I snatched my hand away. “Don’t say those things! Why do you have to ruin everything?” “How, Megan. How am I ruining it?” “You’re my friend! You’re supposed to be my friend!” I struggled to find the words. “I can’t deal with this…stuff!” “What stuff?” I waved my hand around the desk, referring to everything that had happened a few minutes before, hours before, days before, since I’d met Ollie. What was with Anna and Jared? Why did they have to drop all of this crap on me just when I thought things were going so well? “This! The

Gillian thing, everything! I know you said that sexy can sometimes be responsible. That maybe someone who played the field has had enough and wants to change, but how is that possible when all of your bad decisions pop up and bite us both in the ass?” “Megan…” “Don’t Megan me, Jared Walker, how many more of these past indiscretions are going to come back to haunt you? Don’t you realize that this is what I avoid? This is why you’re undateable. This is why you’re my friend and not more! I can’t take this shit! So just stop right there and leave me the hell alone!” I ran then. I left him, ashen faced, openmouthed, and all alone as I bolted out the front door and to my car. I fumbled for my keys, the tears streaming down my face and making it difficult to see anything. It was dark and cold and I was glad because that’s exactly how I felt inside. I went home, to my townhouse, my sanctuary. I didn’t even bother to change my clothes or unbraid my hair before climbing into bed and huddling underneath the covers. Sometimes when you’ve had too much, the only thing to do is hide, lick your wounds, and avoid whatever it is that’s trying to smash you flat.

Chapter Nine Mondays are usually pretty busy days for me. My clients send their billing reports on Mondays. My email inbox gets so full it takes me half the day to sort through everything. Slacking off on a Monday is on my short list of stupid things to do. On that particular Monday I didn’t care. I didn’t even get out of bed. Still dressed in my clothes from the night before, my hair in a long, thick braid, I rolled away from the window and closed my eyes. Anna came sometime between eleven and noon. Normally she’d just use her key and walk right in, but in a lucid moment the night before, I had slid the chain lock before retreating to my bedroom. So instead of walking in and demanding I get my ass out of bed, she stood at the door and yelled through the narrow opening. I let her yell. I was sort of mad at her, too. Jared said everybody knew but me. That meant Anna was in on his little secret, the busybody. That was really the worst part. I mean, it disgusted me to think that all this time I’d thought Gillian the barracuda had a ridiculous fixation on Jared, when in reality she had every reason to be obsessed. Well, maybe not long-term obsessed, because five plus years was a long time for love to

go unrequited. In fact, I suspected she’d never gotten over her husband. That would explain a few things about her. Of course, Jared had no real control over her feelings. It was horrible that he hadn’t made himself unequivocally clear on the subject, but he was a guy. Guys were no good at that kind of thing. No, what horrified me about the whole convoluted mess was that Jared claimed everyone but me knew how he felt. Was I really that oblivious? And worse, did it mean that our whole friendship was a figment of my imagination? What about Anna? If she’d known, that meant she’d been sort of lying to me. For years! This had been going on for years! Rolling restlessly to my other side, I curled into a tighter ball and hugged my knees to my chest. My mind spun in circles, thinking back through so many years of friendship. Anna and her vivacious personality, Jared and I swept along in her wake as we experienced all of the things I would consider the best times of my life. Third Sunday brunch, Fourth Friday Happy Hour, hours spent in the gym laughing and talking together, tickets to Wicked at the Fox theatre the year before, dinner at some of the city’s best restaurants, bike rides along the Mississippi, that horrible trip to the top of the Arch in a tiny pod, watching the Cardinals play at Busch Stadium, tickets to the Super Bowl even though we all hated football… Those were the things that made up my whole life. Had it always been like that? Just the three of us?

I tried to remember other people, a bigger group. Sometimes Anna brought along a date if she was currently seeing someone. In fact, Jared and I had seen her through dozens of relationships. We’d met them, been polite, teased her in private, offered advice, and helped her through every one of her breakups. In all that time, my longest relationship had been with Professor Jackass. Even in those eightand-a-half months I’d only invited him to one happy hour and taken him with me as a date to four or five events. Why? A little voice in the back of my head sneered at me, told me things I didn’t want to hear. I smashed a pillow over my head, but I couldn’t drown out the sound of my own conscience telling me that I’d been pretending with Jared all of these years. That I’d been keeping my dates and my friends separate because I liked being Jared’s unofficial date to all of those things, that I liked spending time with him and being the second half of his third wheel. I sat up abruptly, struggling to fling my covers away. The bedside clock read five pm. Ollie would be at my front door in three hours. It was time to get up and stop feeling sorry for myself. I needed to grow up, to decide what it was I wanted. I was thirty-five years old, and I had been masquerading as my best friend’s girlfriend. It was way past time for me to get my shit together.

*** When Ollie knocked on my front door at 8:05 I was showered, dressed, and in the kitchen putting the final touches on my Pasta con Broccoli. Through with pretending to be someone I wasn’t, I hadn’t even bothered to make a side of chicken to put in Ollie’s serving. The expression on his face was uncertain when I opened the door. “Hey.” “Hey yourself, come on in.” He glanced around the narrow hallway, his eyes drifting up the twisting stairs to the second floor and then into the kitchen. “I wasn’t sure we still had plans for tonight.” I took the bottle of wine he handed me, not surprised to see that it was a Missouri wine. “Why not?” “You’ve been avoiding my calls all day.” “Oh.” I’d forgotten that I had left my phone in the car on purpose the previous night. “I just forgot to charge the phone.” A grin kicked up the corners of his mouth. “Lose another charger down the garbage disposal?” Normally the sink incident would’ve been the start of our witty banter. Now it was a painful reminder of Jared. I shook my head and went to find a bottle opener and some glasses. “So, how was your trip to see your family? Tell me all about them. I’m an only child so I can’t even imagine how

busy your place was growing up!” I infused my voice with false brightness. His green eyes assessed my forced happiness and I could see him deciding whether or not to let it go. Praying he’d be cooperative, I popped the cork on the wine bottle and filled a glass nearly full. The rich bouquet was sweet with just a hint of bitter herbs. Taking a small sip, I was surprised to find that I really liked it. “That’s a Concord, from down South near where my folks live. It’s a good wine for people who don’t drink a lot,” he explained. “The taste is more like juice than the usual table wine.” I looked up in surprise to meet his even gaze. “What makes you think I don’t drink?” Ollie stepped closer and removed the glass from my hand, setting it aside. “I watched you drink three margaritas the other night without once telling me you didn’t like them, but I could tell that you didn’t. Want to explain that to me?” “I didn’t want to complain. I hate whiners and I know you do too.” He laughed. “That’s not complaining, Megan. That’s telling me what you like.” I took a breath to say something else, but never got the words out. Ollie took my hands and stretched my arms, looping them around his neck. Leaning down, he kissed me. His mouth opened and his tongue slipped into my mouth. I welcomed the intrusion, kissing him back with enthusiasm. I thought of our other kisses, how chaste and

unsatisfying they’d been, how this was more of what I wanted. More like Jared’s kiss in the park. Ollie pulled back just as I was frantically trying to shove thoughts of Jared from my brain. He brushed his lips along my cheek to my ear, his breath sending ticklish chills down my spine. “See, I need to know what you like. Did you like that?” Unable to speak and afraid he would see the renegade things running through my head, I managed a nod. His arms tightened, and I gratefully pressed my face into his chest, inhaling deeply. He smelled good, different, but still good. I’d learn to get used to it. “So what are you cooking in here?” Ollie asked, sniffing. “It smells wonderful.” “Pasta con Broccoli,” I answered, doubly grateful for the change of subject. “Without meat.” “Vegetarian.” He rolled his eyes. “Megan you’re killing me here. Did you have a good time at all on Friday?” “Of course I did! I had a fantastic time on Friday. It was just Saturday morning that I hated.” He chuckled. “I don’t even want to know, baby. I’m sorry.” I bustled about, getting the food ready and putting the finishing touches on the dining room table I almost never use. If I cook at all, it’s either just quick stuff for me or a meal for Anna and Jared. We always eat in the kitchen at my cozy, cramped table. I’d wanted things to be special for Ollie, so I’d spent forty-five minutes cleaning the

paperwork out of what had become my office away from my office and returned it to its dining room state. “This is amazing,” he gushed as he helped me carry the serving bowls to the table. “A beautiful woman who’s funny, loving, and knows how to cook. Are you sure you’re still single?” I swallowed the lump that had instantly appeared in my throat and passed Ollie a meaningful look. “Not anymore.” He got the gist of what I was saying. I know he did because as soon as he set the bowls down he swept me up for another mind-numbing kiss. “I could do that all night long, baby.” He pulled away. “We’d better eat before I decide to skip dinner and go straight for desert.” Butterflies exploded in my belly and a deep ache began to form a little lower, in a place I’d ignored for much too long. I sat quickly, taking a long drink of wine to put out the flames. This was going to be a tricky evening. Had I even considered what might happen afterwards? Was I ready for that? Ollie seemed to sense my apprehension because he slid into a raucous round of tales about him and his three brothers after that. I found myself beginning to relax, lured into it by his easy manners and quick wit. I began to marvel that I’d found such a great guy when there was a knock at the door.

I froze, my wine glass halfway to my mouth. There were two possibilities for who might be on the other side of that door, neither of them good. Ollie’s eyes narrowed. “Are you expecting anyone?” I cleared my throat. “No, I’m not. I’d better go and see who it is. Excuse me for a minute?” He nodded, though he looked ready to come with me. I hurriedly got up from the table and went into the hallway, knowing I wasn’t going to like whatever was about to happen. Flinging open the door, I found myself face to face with Jared. Whatever mess I’d been hours earlier while languishing away in bed, he was ten times worse. His eyes were wild and his hair looked as if he’d been repeatedly stabbing his fingers through it all day. “We need to talk.” “Now really isn’t a good time.” “I don’t care. There are things I have to tell you. You won’t answer your phone and Anna couldn’t get you to come to the door…” “Everything all right?” Ollie’s voice drifted into the hallway. “I’m fine, Ollie. I’ll just be a quick second.” Jared had gone wooden at the first sound of Ollie’s deep voice. The anguish I saw in his expression tore me in two. Knowing I couldn’t just shut the door in his face and leave him like this, I grabbed his hand and dragged him into my kitchen.

I pushed closed the door between the kitchen and the dining room. “What do you want to say? What do you want me to say?” “Megan, please.” His voice was hoarse, as if he were having a hard time forcing the words out. “Please what? Let things just keep on going the way they were? Pretend none of this happened? I can’t do that, Jared. It did happen. And now I have to deal with the results.” “Like this?” Jared gestured angrily to the dining room. “With him?” “Yes, with him! Maybe if I’m with him I’ll have the courage to stop pretending I’m with you.” “He isn’t what you think, Megan.” “Neither were you, Jared.” A tormented expression took hold of his eyes and I felt as if my whole world was about to tumble down around my ears. Why now? I’d been doing so good! “Just leave. Go talk to Anna if it makes you feel better. I think I need a break from you both until I can figure out what’s real and what’s not.” I thought I’d have to do a lot more convincing to get him to leave, but I didn’t. Jared turned without another word and the door closed behind him with barely a click. The encounter had left me raw inside, as if my heart had been scraped out with a spoon. I returned to the dining room, trying and failing to paste a smile back on my face. I was done trying to be happy. It hurt too much.

Ollie wasn’t sitting at the table anymore. He was waiting. His strong arms opened to me and I walked in without hesitation, basking in his acceptance. I suddenly couldn’t hold back the tears any longer. “Go ahead and cry, baby.” He stroked my back. “It’s okay to cry on me.” It wasn’t okay to cry on him, and something deep inside told me that, but my heart wouldn’t listen. I was raw and needy, and Ollie was there and willing to comfort me. I should have asked him to leave, retreated to my room and licked my wounds in private. But when your heart is aching and you feel alone, it’s near impossible to resist the lure of warmth and companionship. No matter the price. Somehow we wound up on my loveseat. My explanation came out in bits and pieces, punctuated by sobs and those disgusting little hiccups that happen when you cry for too long. I was blubbering, but Ollie didn’t seem to care. He cuddled me close, wrapped his big arms around me, and tried to soothe me in his low, warm voice. I don’t know what all he said before my brain began to process his words. “It doesn’t matter what they think of me, baby. I don’t care. The only things that matter are Megan and Ollie. If Megan and Ollie are okay then everything else will work itself out.” “But they’re my friends. They’re supposed to support me.”

“Jared’s not your friend, baby. He’s been using you.” Ollie’s green eyes bored into mine, looking wise and certain. “All of this time he’s been thinking of you as a stand in. You’ve been thinking he’s your friend and you’re like his safety net instead. He just falls back on you when his own relationships fail, not even caring how badly that hurts you.” His words made a sick kind of sense to my muddled mind. I had been a little bit like a safety net. Jared always had me to turn to when he needed someone. But hadn’t I used him the same way? Wasn’t that a little bit what friendship really was? “Now he’s threatened by me, by us, by this wonderful relationship that we’re building between us and he’s trying to circumvent it by making you doubt everything.” Lies and deception and doubt whirled inside me like a tornado of feeling I couldn’t get hold of. “It was only a matter of time before he started pushing you to sleep with him, baby.” “Jared wouldn’t do that.” “Jared’s a guy,” Ollie gently chided. “I’m a guy. I know guys. But he and I are nothing alike.” I met his eyes, willing myself to see truth there. “I love you, baby. I want to be with you. I want us to be together.” The wine I’d drunk was going to my head. The room grew fuzzy. Ollie was the only solid thing inside the spinning colors and textures. Adrenaline and sorrow and exhaustion overwhelmed me. I

clung to what he told me. I wanted it to be true, how I wanted that! To be desired and loved and cherished above everything else. My fingers clutched at his shirt, pulling him down for another kiss. Our mouths met hungrily, almost shy of desperate. His taste was both familiar and foreign. I shoved my doubts away, angered by them, wanting to drown them out in this newfound sense of belonging. Squirreling sideways, I climbed onto him and straddled his lap. “Baby, you’re killing me.” He groaned and stabbed his fingers into my hair to pull me in for another deep, drugging kiss. I was on fire, hot, needy, hurting, my emotions manifesting in a physical longing to join with someone. It was real and unreal, abstract and tangible. I became aware of several things almost immediately. One, I’d been way too long without a man. Two, I was going to make love with Ollie. His hands were everywhere, burning across my skin, pushing at my clothes. I don’t remember moving from the couch downstairs to my bedroom upstairs, but we did. He carried me, I think; his arms locked beneath my backside as I locked my legs about his waist and kissed him hungrily, tickling my lips on his beard. I had more than a moment of doubt when he laid me on my down comforter. How could I do this so lightly? Had I intended this to happen when I issued the dinner invitation? Wasn’t this the next logical step in our relationship? Wasn’t I ready? My

head pounded with questions though my brain was dulled by alcohol and grief. “You’re so beautiful,” he murmured. “I’ve dreamed of this.” His words unleashed a jolt of excitement. Ollie wanted me, wanted this for us. How could I doubt him? He drew his shirt over his head, tossing it lightly to my floor. His shoulders were broad, though they lacked definition. A dusting of dark hair covered his chest, tapering to a thin trail as it ranged down his thick waist and neared the waistband of his unzipped pants. He was big and broad and warm. My brain processed what my eyes saw, identifying the differences between Ollie and Jared. Jared with the tantalizing physique, the silver barbell piercing his left nipple and the gryphon’s tail snaking around his side. My mind fixed on that familiar image. Jared’s fathomless blue eyes that crinkled when he smiled, the endearing dimples on his cheeks and the way he looked when he listened so intently to what I said. How could it have been lies? Anger swept me in a wave, deciding me. I’d take this night with Ollie. I would do this for myself, for this budding relationship that could be so much more. Looking up at him, I reached out a hand and drew him down to me. When I kissed him again, thoughts of Jared left me.

Chapter Ten I awoke disoriented with a massive headache on Tuesday morning. I was also alone. Wondering if Ollie were in the kitchen or bathroom, I forced myself out of bed. My legs were rubbery and I grabbed the bedpost to keep from falling. Had I ever been this hung over before in my life? My mouth was cottony and my eyelids were sandpaper against my eyeballs. Every noise was agony. Clutching a bathrobe around my naked body, I made my way carefully downstairs. Ollie hadn’t been in the bathroom. In fact, the shower hadn’t been used since the day before. My towel was still in the hamper and no new ones hung on the rack. I reached the bottom of the stairs and peered down the narrow hallway. “Ollie?” My voice echoed back at me. I shuffled into the dining room where the remains of our dinner were slowly congealing in their bowls. Two empty wine bottles sat on the table. That explained a few things. I tried to recall how much Ollie had drunk, but his wineglass was half full and I didn’t remember him snagging any from mine. Did that mean I’d downed both bottles by myself? I kept expecting to find a note somewhere. A little reminder of our night together, something to tell me that I wasn’t going crazy, but there was

nothing. I began searching for my phone instead, thinking he might have tried to call. Remembering it was in the car outside; I wondered just how brave I was. There was no way I was going to make it back up the stairs for clothing, but I wasn’t going outside in a bathrobe either. In the end I compromised and put on an old pair of sweats and a hoodie I found in the tiny laundry room off my kitchen. The cool air revived me just enough that I became almost violently aware of the sick feeling in my stomach. I made it back inside, phone in hand, just in time to reach the bathroom. I slid across the tile floor to the toilet, knees hitting the edge right before I got sick. I remained in the downstairs bathroom for the rest of the morning, face pressed against the cool toilet seat. It was not how I had pictured my morning. I called Ollie between bouts of sickness. He hadn’t tried to call me and he didn’t answer his phone. After awhile I began to wonder if the sick feeling in my gut was from the wine or from the horrible suspicions growing inside me. A soft, familiar hand stroked my hair, interrupting my fitful sleep. I had no idea what time it was. My arms were locked around the toilet, cheek pressed against the smooth, white seat. My eyes fluttered open, fixing on Anna’s familiar face above me. “God Megan, are you okay? Do I need to take you to the hospital?” Anna laid her cool hand on my burning forehead.

“No, it’s getting better.” “What happened?” Emotion crested inside me, a wave of hurt and grief and longing that suffocated every coherent thought in my head. “Jared and I,” I began but didn’t know how to explain what had happened. “I talked to him,” she told me quietly. I had never been more grateful for her habitual nosiness than I was at that moment. “Ollie came for dinner last night. Then Jared came and I said some stuff.” I sucked in a deep breath, my eyes stinging with another round of tears. “I was so mean, Anna. I was angry and hurt and I don’t know what else! I’m so confused!” “What happened with Ollie?” “I don’t remember everything. I drank a lot.” “I saw the bottle. You don’t drink wine, Megan. Didn’t you tell him that?” “He said it was a good kind for people who don’t drink because it tastes so sweet.” Anna’s lips thinned. “That usually means you drink too much, Megan. What else happened?” How could I explain the rest? The muddled truths and lies and the things that Ollie had made me believe about Jared. How had I thought that about my friend? How could I have turned so completely against him? What was wrong with me that I could let myself believe he was using me, trying to take advantage of me? It had been so fast, so smooth. I’d wanted to believe that Ollie loved me, wanted me more than anything else. I’d needed

that acceptance so desperately. But in the end, what I had really gotten? “Megan?” Anna prodded. “I slept with Ollie.” A sob blocked whatever else I might have said. Anna wrapped her slender arms around me, kneeling in her pristine business suit on my bathroom floor to offer comfort. Gripping her sleeves, I hugged her back, sobbing against her shoulder as everything that had happened in the past few days overwhelmed my emotional defenses. “He hasn’t called me, Anna! And he won’t answer his phone.” “I’m so sorry, Megan.” Anna said over and over. I cried until there were no more tears and then sank slowly into sleep. Anna settled herself on the floor, legs crossed with her back against the bathroom vanity. My head in her lap, she gently stroked my hair. Her presence was a balm to my frayed nerves and battered self-confidence. If I had nothing else, I still had my best friend. And that was something I couldn’t ignore the importance of anymore.

*** What must’ve been hours later, I awoke alone on the bathroom floor to the sound of dishes clinking in the kitchen and low voices. I blinked

several times until my vision came into focus. Every muscle in my body ached. It was as if I’d been run over by a truck. My belly was hollow and my head was heavy. Somewhere at the edge of my awareness, I smelled food. The familiar scent of basil and parmesan cheese pesto. Rolling to my knees, I used the toilet to rise unsteadily to my feet. I swayed, fingers gripping the edge of the sink until they cramped. My vision swam briefly before coming back into focus. The voices rose and I recognized Anna and Jared. Pipes groaned as the water kicked on and I realized they were doing my dishes in the kitchen. Gratitude mingled with embarrassment as I realized what a mess I’d become in such a short time. Would things ever go back to normal? Was there a normal to go back to? It would seem after so many changes between us that our happy, uncomplicated friendships would never be the same. I took a deep breath and strained my ears to hear what they were saying. “Now isn’t the time, Jared,” Anna said. “She deserves to know the truth.” “You can’t just dump this on her now.” I could practically hear Anna’s hands propped on her hips as I crept through the bathroom door and into the narrow hallway. “And if he calls her? What if he comes back? I’m not going to leave her open to whatever he’s got planned next. I’ll kill him first!”

I laid my hand on the cool wall, drawing myself farther forward, desperate to understand what was obviously a conversation about me. “You have to take a step back, Jared. You know you can’t be objective about anything when it comes to Megan. Not now, not with everything that’s happened in the last few days.” “To hell with being objective! I’m going to protect her. I didn’t before. I let it go. Look what happened. If she’d had all the information…” There was a long pause, and I heard Jared take a deep breath. “If I hadn’t hurt her like I did. If I had been honest, this might never have happened.” “I’m telling you,” Anna argued. “Giving her this kind of information right now is a bad thing.” “What kind of information?” I stepped farther down the hall to the kitchen doorway. “What else could possibly go wrong?” Anna whirled around, hand pressed to her chest. “Holy cow, Megan! I thought you were still resting.” Resting was not precisely what I would’ve called crashing on the bathroom floor, but I let it slide. Moving farther into the kitchen, I took a seat at the tiny round table. “Are you hungry? Jared stopped for pasta and pesto on his way over.” Anna placed a bowl of chilled fusilli with basil pesto on the table before me. My eyes lifted, finding Jared’s calm blue gaze. He looked better than he had the night before. He’d shaved and changed clothes. Dressed in his typical

gym “uniform” of black athletic pants and T-shirt, his solid presence was a familiar balm. His expression softened and he shifted his stance. It was as though he were fighting the urge to reach out to me. I would have been lying if I said that I didn’t want him to. I needed that, the reassurance of his embrace, of knowing that he was real. How could I have been so blind? “What information?” I asked, aiming my question at him this time. His jaw tightened, the muscles in his cheeks bunching as he gritted his teeth and tilted his head. His gaze dropped to rest on a plain folder lying innocently on my tabletop. I hadn’t noticed it when I sat down. Now it seemed to grow before my eyes, reaching mythic proportions in seconds. “No.” Anna reached for the folder. Adrenaline spiked in my blood and despite my weakened reflexes, I snatched it out of her reach. “Megan, don’t put yourself through this,” Anna begged. “Not right now.” “Why not? What else do I have to lose?” I asked hoarsely. It was sort of odd, the way I had already decided to accept as fact that Ollie had been lying to me for reasons I still didn’t quite understand. I didn’t have any ironclad proof. Not yet anyway. Nothing had been said, and there wasn’t any evidence that he hadn’t just spent the night and then needed to go home in the morning. His phone could’ve been dead. It’s not like he had a phone charger at my house. Maybe he didn’t even realize

it yet. Maybe he was somewhere across the city wondering why I hadn’t had the decency to call him after asking him to spend the night. But that wasn’t the case and I knew it. Something deep inside my gut told me Ollie wasn’t what I thought. My heart knew it’d been betrayed, and my body knew it’d been used. I couldn’t explain it, but I knew it anyway. So what did I have to lose by reading whatever sat inside that folder? I pushed the pasta aside and laid the folder on the scarred tabletop before me. It was cold in the kitchen and gooseflesh covered my arms. A chill slipped down my spine and settled in my bones. I sniffed, trying to get a deep breath. My tangled hair fell over my shoulder, and I pushed it absently out of my way. Was there any point in putting this off? Groggy, hung over, and emotionally spent, it took me a minute to realize what it was I was looking at when I opened the folder. “It’s a background check,” Jared offered huskily. “It’s nothing I wouldn’t run on any person that applied for a job at the gym. We have an account with one of those internet companies.” “It’s all public record,” Anna added softly. Ollie’s green eyes stared at me from a slightly goofy looking drivers’ license photo. I ignored his basic vital statistics in favor of other things. He had a St Louis address in South City just like he’d claimed. But beside the address, there was something else I’d never considered to be an issue.

Anna touched my shoulder. “He’s married, Megan.” “Her name is Carissa.” I almost choked on the name. “He’s been married for almost sixteen years, honey.” Anna’s voice was gentle. “From what we can figure out, he meets women on the Internet, carries on with them for a few months and then ends the relationship without them ever knowing the truth.” It was too much information. More than I’d needed and certainly more than I’d wanted to know. I felt stupid, as if I’d been taken for the worst kind of fool while trying to believe the best about somebody. I’d thought he was like me, just a little lonely and uncertain about how to meet the right person. But that wasn’t what he was at all. “Megan?” Anna was about to go into one of her lectures. I could tell. Her intentions weren’t bad. She was about to try and convince me that this was just one of those things I couldn’t control. That I should be glad I found out now before it went further and that it wasn’t my fault. I leapt up from the table, wanting nothing more than to flee. “Don’t, Anna. Just don’t, okay?” I didn’t care about any of those things. I didn’t care whose fault it was or whether or not I’d found out before making any more commitments or decisions. Those things just didn’t matter anymore.

The bottom line was that Ollie had lied to me and I’d believed every word of it. Why? Forget the personal stuff about him. Most of those details were probably true. The only part that had been effectively left out was Carissa. It was the other stuff that hurt so deeply. The things he’d manipulated me into believing about my friends, about Jared. How had I been so easily convinced that Jared had a whole list of bad intentions in store for me? “Go home, Anna. I need to be alone for awhile.” There wasn’t much strength behind my words, but she could tell that I meant them. Her full lips pursed and she gathered up her things before wrapping her arms around me in a tight hug. “I love you, Megan,” she told me softly. “I’m only a phone call away.” “I know,” I told her tightly, trying desperately to hold onto what was left of my composure. “I’ll be fine.” Her high heels clicked across my faded black and white kitchen tile before she disappeared into the hallway. I heard her clack over the hardwood entry before the front door clicked shut behind her and I was left all alone with Jared. He set aside the damp kitchen towel he’d been holding and reached for his keys. Out of habit, he slid the ring over his index finger. I watched his strong, tanned hand as his slender fingers fiddled with his car key. The dusting of gold hair on his arms gleamed in the fluorescent lights overhead.

His jaw was set, teeth clenched and mouth in a carefully neutral expression. Pausing, he leaned back against my countertop. Slender, yet tightly muscled, everything about Jared was understated. There was nothing in his manner that suggested arrogance or pride in his physique. He never preened to an audience or used his good looks to gain an advantage. Even his facial expressions were honest. “I’m sorry, Megan.” His voice was rough, as if he was trying to keep his emotions tightly held in check. I didn’t know what he might be feeling inside. Anger at me for being so gullible or anger toward Ollie for duping his friend; it could’ve been anything. “When did you find out?” I finally managed to ask. “Saturday.” I exhaled in a rush. He’d known for almost four days. Four days. How could he keep something like that from me for four days? “Anna called me Friday night.” Jared paused to clear his throat. “She was upset you hadn’t texted her about where you were, so I agreed to do some checking to see what was up with this guy. She just wanted you to be safe.” “And you?” I managed to say. “What did you want?” “I told you Sunday what I wanted.” His voice grew stronger. “I said it again yesterday.” His key ring swung around and around his index finger,

creating a metallic rhythm that punctuated his words and expression. “You knew what Ollie was when you said those things to me. You knew and you didn’t tell me.” The keys stopped and his expression turned stormy. “Would you have listened? What would you have said if I told you Ollie was married and just using you like the player you’d accused me of being? What do you think you would have said if I told you that your stupid list hadn’t protected you from the very thing you’d been avoiding? That it had never protected you?” I reeled back a step, stunned by the venom in his words. “You know, I always wondered,” Jared began bitterly. “Did you create that list to eliminate guys that weren’t good enough for you, or just to eliminate me?” He left after that, but I didn’t see him go. I sank back into my kitchen chair and stared at the damning information on the table before me, unable to do any more than absorb the things that were happening.

Chapter Eleven When recovering from severe emotional trauma, it is possible to sit in the same position for hours on end and do nothing more than carefully examine small, superficial parts of your world. Sometimes it’s the only thing you can do. Your heart needs a quiet moment in which to start the healing process and your mind must begin to reflect. Maybe that’s true and maybe it’s not. But that’s what I did for the thirteen hours following my discovery of Ollie’s dual lives. I burrowed my way into my overstuffed chair with a much-washed and somewhat threadbare fleece blanket and stared at the texture of the chenille on the arm of the chair. Sometime during the small hours of the morning, when I could no longer make out the fabric’s details in the darkness, I took to gently running my fingertips over the soft, bumpy contours. By the time pink dawn kissed the horizon and the pale rays of morning sunlight began to filter through the blinds into my living room, I had slipped into a fitful doze. What seemed like moments later I was jarred awake by the jaunty Marimba of my iPhone. My whole body jerked in response, as if I were conditioned to leap up and answer that ring. As if I

still wanted to talk to the person I knew waited on the other end. There was no doubt in my mind that he had a plausible excuse ready to go. And really, if Jared and Anna hadn’t stepped in, would I have been unwilling to buy it? Why wouldn’t I want to hear his excuse and forgive him? I’d just slept with him. Any woman would be dying to know that they hadn’t taken that irreversible step in error. We wanted affirmation, someone to tell us that we were the one, the only one. But I did know. And there was no taking that back. Knees creaking in protest, I climbed out of my nest in the chair and stretched. For the first time in forever, I had no plan. So I did the only thing I could think to do. I went to work. After so many days of emotional ups and downs, it was a sweet kind of relief to lose myself in the familiar rhythm of work. I didn’t bother to change clothes. I didn’t have to. That’s one of the perks of not only working for yourself, but working out of a home office. Ratty sweatpants and an ancient hoodie are perfectly acceptable business attire. My inbox was flooded with client emails, reports, requests and all sorts of correspondence that I’d been neglecting while immersed in what had turned out to be a pseudo relationship. I started slow, but it didn’t take long to get back in the swing of things. I ran statements and reports, sank into the welcome monotony of stuffing

envelopes, and put together three large boxes to take to the post office. It was nearly noon when an email from Ollie popped into my inbox. I’d avoided logging into my Facebook account for just that reason. Since meeting Ollie I’d worked almost constantly with my Facebook page open on my computer screen and the little chat window in the bottom right corner. We would tell jokes, chat, comment on our work, anything to keep the day moving. I had expected to miss that contact. I knew I would eventually. But right then I was too spent to miss anything. Feeling strangely detached, I dumped Ollie’s unopened email into my cyber trash without a second thought and blocked his email from my inbox. Five seconds later my phone began frantically playing the Marimba at full volume. I pushed ignore. That was harder than dumping the email. I wanted to talk to him. I wanted to yell at him, actually, to rant and rave and demand he explain why he would do such a horrible thing to me and to his wife. I wanted to meet him face to face and make him admit to the lies he’d told while simultaneously promising to tell the truth. I took a shower instead. The hot water sluiced over my skin, turning it pink. My long hair stretched to my waist, thick and heavy on my back. Resting my hands against the tile, I closed my eyes and consciously relaxed each

muscle group in my body until I was as limp as a bowl of spaghetti noodles. That’s when the tears began in earnest. Sobbing in heaving gusts of emotion, I cried until there was no more hot water. My feet ached from standing and I shifted position, squirming beneath the cooling spray. And sometime in those minutes, while my body heat began shifting beneath the colder water, I began to feel better. Not because I was over Ollie. I wasn’t even sure what it was I was trying to get over. Had Ollie’s lies really robbed me of a relationship or the idea of one? I’d wanted so badly to stick to my ridiculous plan of marrying by thirtyfive that I’d ignored all the things that should’ve warned me it was less than an ideal match. Why? Jared’s accusation rang in my ears as I shut off the water and stepped out of the tub. Wrapping a towel around my body, I began to wring out my long hair. The face that greeted me in the mirror was pale and hollow eyed. I looked as if I were recovering from some dreaded disease. Although in some respects, I was. After brunch, when we’d walked in the park, Jared had accused me of having an inferiority complex. Then days later he’d accused me of creating my undateable list just to exclude him. It was a ludicrous idea. I hadn’t had that intention at all. I used my undateable list to avoid throwing myself at men who would be likely to have little or no interest in a long-term relationship with me. I’d really been doing Jared a favor, avoiding the

potentially awkward scene where he had to politely explain that we were just friends, and could I quit shamelessly throwing myself at him. That he could have possibly felt the opposite had never entered my mind. So what was I supposed to do now? On the counter downstairs, the Marimba jangled its way upstairs and through my nerves. This was getting crazy. I had to do something. It was getting impossible to just hang about and wait for nothing to happen.

*** The gym was crowded that afternoon. I was glad I had opted to walk instead of drive, because there was no place to park. I pushed open the front doors and maneuvered my way through a duo of boxers taking turns wrapping each other’s wrists, and several groups of soccer moms waiting for their yoga class to start. The locker room was just as crowded as the floor outside. Careful not to clock anyone in the head, I swung my locker door open and grabbed my bathing suit. I had no desire to wait ten minutes for someone to finish their workout before climbing on a treadmill. Water aerobics classes and lane swimming took place in the morning. The pool would be nearly deserted this time of afternoon.

Hungry and Desperate were tucked into a corner of the locker room, heads together and whispering with serious expressions on their faces. I stifled the urge to apologize for something I hadn’t really done. I felt bad for Gillian, but there was nothing I had done, intentionally or otherwise, to aggravate her situation. It was something I was going to have to accept as unfixable, by me at least. There were two other swimmers doing laps in the pool when I pushed open the glass door and stepped into the humidity. I tossed my towel down onto a deck chair and kicked my flip-flops aside with more force than usual. Ollie had now called my phone a total of nine times. No doubt the thing was still doing the jaunty Marimba within the confines of my locker. I chose a lane and dove in, relishing the feel of the water against my skin. There’s something utterly perfect about the cleansing quality of water. I don’t know what it is, but there’s no amount of stress or tension it can’t wash away. I surfaced and reached out with long, powerful strokes. I concentrated on the feel of the water parting before my hands and the resistance of it against my feet as I kicked. There was no confusion in that tiny slice of time. It was all smooth and clear. I lost track of time, giving myself over to the rhythm of my strokes and the flow of air in and out of my lungs. When I finally stopped and surfaced, I was alone in the water.

Sucking in a deep breath, I dove to the bottom of the pool and brushed my fingers over the rough surface. Pressure built behind my eardrums and my lungs felt as if they might burst. Pointing my head toward the light, I pushed off with my feet and gasped as I broke the surface with a splash. Sinking onto my back, I once again stared at the massive lights overhead, drifting through the calm water. I hadn’t bothered to braid my hair and the long mass fanned out around me. I tried not to think about what a monumental chore it would be to comb it out later. It was easy to look back in hindsight and start dissecting Ollie’s actions and the things that he’d said. I could think back to his muttered comment about Carissa and the way he’d always seemed to encourage me to drink. How our conversations had always seemed to turn into sexual innuendo and how he’d never been eager to meet my friends or really join into my life. He had been all for keeping our relationship isolated. Those things were big red flags. Now. It would’ve been even easier to try and convince myself that I’d really never been taken in, that I’d suspected him from the beginning. But that would’ve been a lie. The truth was that I’d fallen for every line and every well-planned romantic assault. I hadn’t suspected him because I hadn’t wanted to. Anna had been right that first night we’d celebrated my birthday at Cheeky’s. It felt like forever, though it had been less than two weeks. If I’d been certain about Ollie from the very

beginning, I would have called Anna right away to tell her all about him. That was what friends did. But I hadn’t. And I hadn’t told her because I knew it was too good to be true. Water seeped into my ears, insulating me from sound. I stretched my arms out to the side and let my body sink into the pool. Slowly opening my eyes, I ignored the brief burn of chlorine and gazed around me at the hazy underwater world. The black tiles forming lanes and numbers were stark against the pale blue background. Something at the far end of the pool caught my eye. It was bright against the mottled blue, gray and black of the room above me. Surfacing slowly, I realized there was a person standing at the end of the pool near the stairs. It was Hungry, a.k.a. Gillian. Once upon a time, less than forty-eight hours before, I might have felt apprehensive about approaching her for what was obviously going to be a confrontation of some kind. She wasn’t dressed in a bathing suit, so she obviously wasn’t out to catch an evening swim. I was too emotionally exhausted to care what she wanted. If she wanted to rant and rave about Jared, now was the time to take her best shot. I was too tired to give a shit. “Hi.” I smoothly pulled myself through the water toward her. “You’re a really good swimmer.” Her compliment caught me completely off guard. “Thanks. I was on a swim team all through

grade school. I was never very good at organized sports.” She absently nodded her head. It was obvious she’d come down here for more than just a casual chat about my swimming. Her brightly colored stretch camisole top emphasized her narrow waist and professionally designed cleavage. Paired with her black yoga capris, she looked very pretty. She was wearing her glasses again. “I like the glasses better than the contacts,” I said suddenly, not caring how she interpreted my words. Her eyes opened wide and she touched the ear piece of her glasses in a self conscious gesture. “Thank you. I forgot to get my contact prescription refilled.” “I’d never be organized enough to wear contacts.” I danced a little on my toes to keep from drifting away. “Did you want to talk to me about something?” “I wanted to apologize, actually.” It was my turn to be surprised and self conscious. “For what?” “I shouldn’t have said that to you the other night. I was hurt and angry and you just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.” “It’s okay.” I was surprised to realize that I meant what I said. I didn’t care about her ugly accusation. I understood a little where she was coming from. “I’ve been chasing Jared for years and for all the wrong reasons,” she said ruefully.

“Sometimes we want what we can’t have.” “But that doesn’t give me the right to take my disappointment out on you.” I nervously ran my tongue over my lips. “Jared and I were only ever friends, you know.” Her face eased into a knowing smile. “He loves you, Megan. You’ve got no idea how much. You’d be silly not to take a chance on a guy like him.” “He’s one of my very best friends. I don’t want things to get weird between us.” Gillian pursed her lips thoughtfully. “So everything thing up till now has been normal?” The door at the top of the stairs swung open loudly and Desperate poked her head inside with an expectant look for Gillian. “I’d better go on up.” Gillian offered me a hesitant smile. “Holly and I are starting a new Cardio-Kickboxing class tonight.” I sucked in a deep breath, gathering my resolve. “Thank you for the apology. There was nothing to forgive though. We all have those moments of brief insanity over a guy.” She chuckled a little, a smile curving her full lips into a pretty smile. I watched her go, trotting up the stairs toward Desperate—Holly. She met my gaze with a brittle smile. She’d obviously not been on board with the whole apology thing, but that was okay. They were friends like Anna and I were friends. Everybody needs their friends.

Chapter Twelve I dawdled in the locker room until almost five o’clock. I was waffling back and forth about whether or not I wanted to talk to Jared. I kept thinking about what he’d said about excluding him with my list. I didn’t want him to think that, but I wasn’t certain what the truth was. I hated the idea that I’d made Jared, my friend Jared, think he was less than perfect because of some stupid list that was becoming more trouble than it was worth. Finally, grumbling beneath my breath and feeling disgruntled by my indecisive behavior, I slammed my locker door shut and prepared to leave. I wrapped a rubber band around my messy ponytail and shoved a few stray curls behind my ear. Jared had seen me looking far worse. It wasn’t as if my appearance was going to shock him now. The crowd had thinned out a lot since I’d arrived. There were still quite a few people on the machines. Through a wall of glass windows, I could see into the mirrored room where Gillian and Holly’s Cardio-Kickboxing class was in full swing. Guessing Jared to be near the front desk preparing to finish out his day, I headed in that general direction. I glanced around for Anna, wondering if she’d already been by for her

punishing daily routine. I needed to call and let her know that I was going to be okay. “I swear to God, if you pry into my business even one more time I’ll come in here and wipe the floor with you. Understand?” The angry voice garnered some minor attention from the other people working out near the front desk. I quickened my steps, a knot of dread forming in my belly. The last time I’d heard that voice it was whispering poisonous lies about Jared into my ear. “I don’t care if you are some hot shit personal trainer.” Ollie leaned over and growled right in Jared’s face. “I’ll put my foot so far up your ass that your kids will be born with my foot print on their faces.” I paused behind a support pillar and rested my arm on the water cooler stashed there. I had been convinced I was falling in love with that? Had I ever suspected Ollie was capable of being such a total asshole? He was worse than Professor Jackass. “How long have you been playing this game?” Jared’s palms rested flat on the smooth wood of the front counter. “What game?” Jared’s low laugh sent chills racing down my spine and raised the hair at the back of my neck. There was very little of my friend Jared in the man facing off with Ollie less than a dozen paces away. Every muscle rigid, Jared’s cold expression was like nothing I’d ever seen before. Gold hair gleaming in

the overhead lights, he looked a little like a vengeful Greek god. “If you’ve never had your cage rattled before, you’re either very good, or you’ve never tried to play a woman like Megan,” Jared said roughly. Ollie snorted, tilting his head arrogantly. “A woman like Megan? They’re all the same in the dark, just another piece of ass.” My chest constricted as his words burned through my heart to my soul. How had I bought into the bullshit he’d been offering? Ollie said I was special, beautiful, and desirable. The worst thing was that there was still a part of me that longed to hear him say it again. “You’re a fool,” Jared argued. “What’s the matter, player,” Ollie mocked. “You got feelings for her?” “Even at the top of my game I wasn’t as big a fuck up as you are.” Jared’s voice was laced with venom. “I’m a fuck up? You’re the one who’s pussy whipped by a woman who considers you her friend.” Jared shook his head, body practically vibrating with anger. “It’s over, you egotistical asshole. She knows the truth.” Ollie tensed, as if he were far more worried about that than he was willing to let on. “Then you’d best keep that bitch on a leash or I’ll have to put her down before she causes trouble.” Jared moved so quickly that I barely had time to swallow my sound of shock. One second he was standing, palms flat on the counter. The next he

had a fist full of Ollie’s shirt in each hand and was glaring into his face. “If you touch her I will take apart every portion of your life until there is nothing left of your dogshit existence.” Ollie tried to hang onto his bravado, but I could see it faltering. He’d severely underestimated Jared. Ollie might be bigger, but Jared was stronger and in better shape. As was obvious from the way Jared was practically pulling Ollie over the counter by his cheap polo shirt. “Let go or I’ll file charges,” Ollie demanded. “How typical. You’re all talk until things get physical. Then you hide behind assault charges.” Jared shoved Ollie back. I watched the man I’d once believed to be my Mr. Wonderful stumble backwards, nearly falling into the front doors as he scrambled to regain his balance. “Get the fuck out of here and don’t come back,” Jared ordered vehemently. I didn’t watch Ollie leave. I couldn’t. Shame burned through me, and I wondered if anyone else realized my humiliation. How could I have been so thoroughly duped? My eyes slid shut and I pressed my back against the cold support pillar. I took deep breaths until I stopped feeling dizzy and sick. “Megan?” Jared’s voice was rough with emotion, but gentle to my ears. I wanted to fling my arms around his neck and bury my head in his shoulder until all of this went away. But I couldn’t. How

could I even face him after something so embarrassing? He reached out, as if he were going to offer the kind of comfort I craved, but I pulled away. “No, Jared.” “Don’t shut me out. None of this was your fault.” “It wasn’t my fault?” I stared at him, wondering how he could absolve me of responsibility for this fiasco. “I bought it all, every word. Anna was right, and I was wrong.” A stab of sorrow cut deep into my gut. “Not just wrong, Jared. I was the worst kind of wrong.” His expression was tortured, the muscles of his face taut as he fought to maintain control. Was he angry? It was hard for me to judge. My own guilt colored everything I saw on his face. Less than ten minutes ago, I’d been ready to try and talk to him about how I felt, about the list. I hadn’t known where that conversation would take us, but I’d been ready to try. Now it was all back to dust. “Megan, please.” I was done, done with shame and wondering and feeling guilty. I pushed past him and headed for the front doors, my head down and eyes on the floor. People stared at me as I passed. I wondered if I would ever feel as if they weren’t staring at me after Ollie had aired our private business to the entire gym. Was this what it felt like to have that scarlet letter pinned to your chest?

I stumbled, catching my toe on the uneven sidewalk as that thought latched onto my mind and wouldn’t let go. Adultery. That was what it had been when I decided to sleep with Ollie. That wasn’t me! I was single. I wasn’t supposed to have to worry about that kind of thing. I was a single woman dating single men. I wanted a lasting monogamous relationship. Tears stung my eyes, falling in hot tracks down my cheeks. I swiped them away, inhaling deeply to try and control my emotions. The scent of diesel exhaust filled my nose. A big metro bus ground to a halt at the curb half a dozen paces away. Two people shifted impatiently, waiting to board. I glanced at the destination emblazoned on the back of the bus and broke into a jog. There were less than ten people on the bus. I shoved some change into the slot at the top of the steps and sank into a seat near the middle just as the driver let off the protesting brakes and we lurched into motion. The bus smelled like ancient moldy cheese and probably hadn’t been cleaned since it was put into service. I normally don’t ride the bus for those reasons. Right then I had too much on my mind to care. I have a lot of old fashioned ideas. My parents have been married for nearly fifty years. I don’t have to be told that’s unusual. But they have permanently affected the way I see marriage. When I find the guy I’m going to marry I don’t want to think of it as a short-term thing. I’m not settling

because there’s a way out later if I need it. It’s all or nothing for me. So what if my husband became an Ollie? What if he never stopped dating or constantly cheated or lived out dozens of relationships under false pretenses? How would I ever be able to look at a man again and not wonder? Scenery whipped by outside, the winter darkness falling quickly until bright lights from storefronts and neon signs streamed by the windows. We had stopped half a dozen times, but I stayed in the same cracked plastic seat. The frigid air inside the bus was slowly numbing my fingers and toes. I didn’t care. Since finding out that Ollie was married and my entire relationship was a farce, I’d only looked at the betrayal from one angle. Mine. But there was someone else I hadn’t considered. What about Carissa? Adultery is an ugly word. It had crossed my mind briefly when I caught Professor Jackass performing his social experiment, but we hadn’t been married. I’m not completely naïve. I know there are a lot of cheaters out there. But for some reason I’d lived in the happy belief that once I settled on my Mr. Wonderful and actually married him, that there would be no cheating. I hadn’t ever thought to apply the word Adultery to my relationship. And I sure as hell didn’t ever intend to be the other woman. Did she know? Did she even wonder? Had she caught him only to be told that he would stop? Did

she love him? I wondered all of those things and more. But the one that trumped all the others was whether or not Carissa hated me though I hadn’t even known Ollie belonged to her. Did she blame me for leading her husband astray? The bus slowed, brakes squealing and engine grinding gears as the driver reached another stop. The bottom dropped out of my stomach and I felt lightheaded as I stood up, grabbing a nearby pole against a final lurch of the bus. My heart was thundering in my chest, pulse dancing in my throat, and my breath coming in short pants. I knew when my feet touched the sidewalk that I had no business being there. It wasn’t where I’d intended to go after leaving the gym, but it’d been my only reason for climbing aboard the bus. Modest brick storefronts lined both sides of the street. Lighted shop windows showcased boutique fashions, bakeries, neighborhood delicatessens and numerous Asian restaurants. There were plenty of cars whizzing by me on the street, but not much foot traffic. People were headed home from work. Turning away from the broad main street, I headed down the sidewalk of a quiet residential neighborhood. The homes were roughly the same age as my townhouse, with all brick construction and narrow windows. Leaves from the trees lining either side of the street filled the gutters. Cars were packed into tiny driveways before small, detached garages. Some of the houses were single units, others were duplexes or quads, almost all had lights on inside. It was dinnertime.

Ollie and Carissa’s house wasn’t hard to find. I’d memorized the address from Ollie’s background check. I hadn’t meant to, but the number seemed burned into my brain as I walked six houses down until a small alley opened to my right. When I turned away from the alley, their house was directly across the street. It was a two story with soft, yellow lights in all four front windows. The remnants of last year’s flowers lined the walkway and nobody had taken the garbage cans back in after trash pickup. Ollie’s SUV was parked behind a minivan in the driveway. My chest grew tight and a strangled sob caught in my throat. I imagined what it might be like to come home every night to someone you loved. Did Carissa have dinner ready for him? Did they laugh and chat about their workdays as they finished setting the table? From the outside, they had everything. Why would Ollie risk that for a few nights with someone like me? Movement in the vicinity of what I took to be the kitchen caught my eye. I moved back, letting the shadows in the alley hide me from view as I shamelessly took that peep into Ollie’s real life. A stab of pain nearly made me keel over when Ollie walked into view. He was talking to someone. It was hard to read his expression, but I thought he might be smiling. I strained my eyes, willing the other person to move into view. I didn’t know why, but I wanted to see her. I had to know what she was like.

My hand snaked out, gripping the side of the building until the brick cut deeply into my fingernail beds. He looked happy. Could I have made him happy? Could I make anyone happy? Carissa suddenly slipped into view, her slender form much shorter than Ollie’s. I could make out long, blonde hair swept up into a ponytail. My breath caught as though I’d been gut kicked. Ollie reached out, pulling her close. Carissa nestled in his big embrace, accepting a kiss on the forehead before burying her face in his broad shoulder. I didn’t remember the tears beginning, but hot rivers ran down both sides of my face and dribbled onto my hoodie. Silent sobs shook my shoulders and I forcefully held them in. My insides were on fire, burning with anger and shame and loneliness, yet I was ice cold on the outside. My fingers and toes were numb with the damp chill of the winter evening. If I stayed out much longer I was going to freeze, but I had no desire to return home to an empty house. A light came on upstairs and my eyes were drawn to the warm glow. Carissa still nestled in Ollie’s embrace downstairs and I wondered dumbly who’d gone upstairs. My heart stopped when a girl, nine or ten years old, leapt up onto the bed and began jumping. Blonde hair, so much like her mother’s, flew out behind her as she bounced up and down. I blinked, trying to decide if my eyes were working properly while my brain processed this latest development. Visions of abandoned naked

Barbies flittered through my mind. Ollie was a father? The man methodically met women and set up new relationships as if living an alternate life. The idea of him doing this so casually to a wife was horrifying enough. That he would do such a thing when he was in the position of male role model to an impressionable little girl was so much worse. Downstairs, Carissa pulled away from Ollie and looked up at the ceiling. Ollie threw his head back and shouted. I could hear the timbre of his voice from where I stood though I couldn’t make out his words. On her bed, the little girl took one last big bounce before landing on her back and disappearing from view. I held my breath, waiting for the inevitable. Ollie disappeared from the kitchen and Carissa moved out of my sight. I no longer cared what she was doing. Moments later Ollie appeared in the bedroom window. The little girl obviously loved her daddy. She pounced on him as soon as he walked through the door. They tussled a little and he picked her up, swinging her around. I closed my eyes, unable to watch any more of the poignant scene. I didn’t know how I felt anymore. I was angry at Ollie, yet I wanted this for my own. For a moment, maybe more than a moment, I’d thought Ollie was my Mr. Wonderful. I’d thought we could have a house, with a little yard and eventually kids to share our lives. This was supposed to be my happily ever after. But it wasn’t. It was Carissa’s. And it wasn’t even hers, either.

Over my head, a streetlight sputtered to life. I hadn’t noticed it when I’d first staked out my position at the mouth of the alley. The pavement around me was bathed in a sick orange glow and I cast a grotesque shadow on the walls. I felt exposed, my private longings naked in the light. It was time to go. I glanced up, wanting one last look at someone else’s life. My blood froze when I realized Ollie was staring out the window, right at me. Less than a second later, he disappeared from his daughter’s window. My instincts told me to flee but there was no place to go. I’d ridden the bus. I could’ve headed for the nearest bus stop, but Ollie would be there long before I was out of sight. Besides, a part of me wanted to stay and confront him. I wanted to call him to task for what he was doing. I wanted to force him to acknowledge that it was wrong. After what I’d seen in the gym earlier, I wasn’t stupid enough to believe that he’d admit fault or even care, but I wanted to try all the same. The front door opened and Ollie took the three steps in one leap. I swallowed thickly, adrenaline pouring into my bloodstream as he paced toward me. He was obviously angry. His square jaw was set and his teeth clenched. The thinning brown hair was mussed from wrestling with his little girl and he’d changed into jeans and a sweatshirt. “What the hell are you doing here, Megan?” He was positively looming over me, an angry bear backing me into a corner where he would eat

me alive. I took a deep, steadying breath and remembered that I was not the condemned in this situation. “I wanted to see.” “See what?” His tone unleashed my anger. I frowned and stood my ground, setting my chin and glaring up at him. “I don’t know, Ollie, the truth?” “So you came all the way out here to tattle on me?” “If that’s what I was here to do, I’d have already done it. I just came because I wanted closure.” A cruel grin played at the corner of his mouth. “Closure? For what? You’re just like all the rest. Give you a few lines and tell you what you want to hear and you’ll spread your legs for anyone.” Tears stung my already red-rimmed eyes. “That’s all you care about? Getting laid? You don’t even care about the lives you’re ruining?” “Whose lives am I ruining? My family doesn’t know a damn thing about this.” “Maybe they should,” I retorted. “Maybe Carissa should know all about it so she can make her own informed decision about the man she married.” “Don’t threaten me, Megan. You won’t like the results.” My heart wrenched. Had we really come to this? “Was it all lies?” My voice broke. “Did you mean any of it?” “I said whatever it took to get what I wanted, Megan. That’s how the world works.”

His expression was hard, face arranged in a mask of derision and indifference that cut me to the quick. Professor Jackass had hurt me. This was worse. “How can you do this? How can you stand here and tell me it was all about getting me into bed? If I’d said no that night, if I hadn’t gotten so drunk and I’d had enough of my wits about me to say no, would you have left and never called again?” He considered this and I felt just a breath of hope. “I’d have probably given it another week.” My hopes shriveled and died. Anger burned hot inside my heart and I lashed out with my hand, aiming to slap and instead brushing ineffectually against his broad chest. “Go to hell!” Ollie grabbed my arm, hand crushing the bones in my wrist as he twisted it painfully. I cried out, feeling real fear for the first time since making the idiotic decision to come see the truth for myself. “Let go or I’ll make good on every word of what I said earlier.” “Jared.” I stumbled in his direction. I didn’t know how or why Jared was in that alley, but I was more grateful than I could imagine that he was. He caught me when I would have fallen, gathering me close and pressing a kiss to my forehead. His arms wrapped securely around my chilled body, their familiar feel soothing my hurt. I inhaled deeply, the spicy, masculine scent of him filling me with a torrent of emotions I couldn’t decipher. I thought of Carissa in Ollie’s arms. Where would I rather be?

“I told you what would happen if you butted in again, Walker,” Ollie growled. “Don’t kid yourself,” Jared warned. “I only came for Megan.” Ollie would have said more. He wanted to. His fists clenched at his sides, flexing as he got ready to throw a punch. Jared tensed around me, no doubt preparing to somehow put himself between me and harm. I didn’t want that. I didn’t want any of it. I wanted it to be over. That was the reason I’d come to see the truth for myself. I wanted closure, not conflict. “Don’t do this in front of your little girl, Ollie,” I said softly. “What’re you talking about? She’s inside.” “She’s watching us.” I nodded to the second story bedroom window. Ollie whipped around, Jared and I forgotten. His daughter was watching, but she wasn’t the only one. “Mother of God,” he muttered before turning one more time to us. “Get the hell out of here and don’t come back.” I took a deep breath and told the truth. “I won’t.” Jared watched Ollie long enough to know that he was really going before turning around. “I’m going to get you home, Megan. You’re freezing cold.” In the eerie illumination of the streetlight, the grille of his low-slung sports car was just visible in the alley. My sluggish mind processed that thought

in wonder. There was no other way in. That meant Jared had been parked behind me the whole time I’d been peeping shamelessly into Ollie’s life. I thought I’d die with the shame. Just when I thought I’d hit rock bottom, something else would knock me just a little lower.

Chapter Thirteen I tried to open the front door to my townhouse, but my fingers couldn’t manage my keys. Jared had cranked the heat inside his car, but my whole body was still numb with shock and horror. I fumbled and the keys slipped from my hands. A frustrated sob stuck in my throat. “It’s okay, Megan.” He leaned down and grabbed the keys before deftly inserting the right one into the lock. “Let’s get you inside.” My clothes were clammy from the chill, damp air I’d stood in for nearly an hour. I shivered as I stepped through the door, the slightly warmer air inside my townhouse not warding off the bone deep cold. “You need to get out of those wet clothes,” he told me, nudging me further into the house. “All my stuff is upstairs.” “Come on, then. Upstairs it is.” I didn’t move. I don’t think I could have. He made a noise in the back of his throat and lifted me effortlessly into his arms. I closed my eyes, inhaling deeply. He was warm, and his hard body was supple against mine. Not long ago I would have worried whether or not he thought I was heavier than I should be, or thought I smelled good or if having to carry me up the narrow stairs was a

burden he’d rather not deal with. At that moment I was too emotionally spent to focus on anything but the sensation of being close to him. He climbed the stairs, slowing at the turn to carefully maneuver my feet out of harm’s way. Fragmented memories of the night another man had carried me up those same stairs tore at the ragged edges of my wounded heart. Would they ever stop? Would anything ever chase them away and make me whole again? Jared slowly lowered me to the floor in my bedroom and steadied me with gentle hands. “Robe?” I swallowed around the lump in my throat. “Bathroom.” He disappeared back out the bedroom door. I wasn’t wearing much in the way of clothing. In fact, I was still in the sweatpants and hoodie I’d rummaged from the laundry room days before. My sense of time was fuzzy and uncertain. How long had it been since Ollie had sweet-talked his way into my bed with wine and roses? I tore off the hoodie and dropped my sweatpants in the same motion, stepping aside and pushing my clothes toward the hamper in the corner. Gooseflesh erupted on my skin. I had opted in favor of an old lycra camisole top instead of a bra after removing my bathing suit in the locker room. Now it was damp both from my swim and my outdoor vigil. My breasts were heavy beneath it, my nipples peaking into hard points in the cold air.

Nothing but a skimpy pair of bikini underwear covered my lower half. “Here Megan, wrap up in this and…” I turned toward the door when he entered. He stopped short, his shock palpable. My thick, cotton robe fell from his fingers into a pool of soft pale green fabric on the scarred wood floor. I didn’t pause. If I had stopped for one coherent thought my courage would have left me high and dry. Instead, I reached for him. I wound my arms around his neck and pressed my lips to his. He was surprised at first. Why wouldn’t he be? But I could feel the moment his surprise turned to something else. His mouth opened, his tongue sliding inside my mouth to rub alongside mine. His arms wrapped around me, his hands slipping beneath the loose hem of my cami and coming to rest on the cool, bare skin of my back. I groaned at the contact, undulating against him in a plea for more. He pulled back briefly, “Megan, what are you doing?” “Loving you.” He growled, pushing against me until the backs of my knees hit my bed and I tumbled backwards. He caught his weight on his forearms, kissing me in earnest now, making love to me with his mouth until I thought I would die with desire. I wanted this. No, I needed it. I needed to be loved, to know that someone wanted me, even if it were only for a little while.

My hands pulled the soft cotton of his T-shirt up to expose the hard expanse of his belly. His muscles shrank away reflexively, his body reacting to my exploration even as his hand settled on my breast. I quested lower, delving below his waistband to find him rock hard and ready. I began pushing at the waistband of his pants, wanting to feel his acceptance when he made love to me. His hand caught mine, pulling me gently away from my goal. Rearing back, his gaze searched my face, causing me to squirm against him. “Megan, slow down.” “No, please Jared,” I gasped, willing him with my body to understand. “I need you. Make love to me. Show me you love me.” The sight of his handsome face in such turmoil would be burned into my memory forever. I could see the play of emotion across his features, the desire, the restraint, the love and passion. His blue eyes were mesmerizing, his mouth curving into a sad smile. “What’s wrong?” I asked, my voice wavering. “I want this, Megan.” “I do too.” I arched my back, grinding his groin against the vee of my pelvis. He hissed and his eyes narrowed as he fought for control. “But not like this.” What had only moments before been a raging inferno of desire was gone as though doused with glacial water. “You don’t want me?” “Megan…”

“Nobody wants me!” I said brokenly. “What’s wrong with me?” “There’s nothing wrong with you, Megan. I’ve told you a thousand times that you’re perfect in every way.” “You say that now,” I spat bitterly. “But in the end, you’ll choose someone else too.” “No, never.” He was so sure, so dreadfully certain about his feelings. I’d been struggling for so long not to be that person, that insecure person who needed constant affirmation. I told myself I was confident, that I didn’t care what anyone else thought. I said I was just as good as any gorgeous, waif-thin model. But the truth was just the opposite. How would I ever be able to believe that someone like Jared could love me, when I couldn’t even hang on to the Ollies of the world? He rolled sideways and grabbed me up, crushing me to his chest. “Don’t ever think I don’t want you, Megan. I’ve dreamed of this moment for longer than I’d like to admit. I want nothing more than to love every inch of your body until both of us are exhausted.” “Then why are you saying no?” “Because when I make love to you, I want you to be thinking about me and nobody else.” I began to sob, my tears coming in torrents that matched the rain beginning to pound the windowpanes. He stroked my hair, murmuring softly and pressing gentle kisses to my forehead. I clung to him, fingers clenched in his shirt and face

buried against his chest. Feeling as though the floodgates had opened wide, I let go and cried as I should have from the moment I discovered the truth.

*** I don’t know what time the sun woke me the following morning, but it was too early. I knew immediately that I’d forgotten to close the blinds again. I didn’t have to look to know that my butteryellow bedroom walls would be patterned with strips of pink-and-orange sunlight, or that the same pattern was repeated on my pillow making it difficult to open my eyes. I didn’t care. I wasn’t inclined to open my eyes anyway. I was dead tired, too tired to get up and shuffle my way into my office to begin a productive day. So I hovered between that state of sleep and wakefulness where my brain drifted. It didn’t take long for my brain to wander its way toward recent events. As if fast-forwarding scenes from a bad movie, the past few days whipped through my mind and left me breathless with agony. “Jared,” I whispered in a voice hoarse from my previous night’s tears. Something stirred on the bed behind me. I froze, equal parts thrilled and horrified to realize a

deliciously warm, deliciously male body was curled protectively around me. Groggy with sleep, I hadn’t realized at first that the intense heat source keeping me toasty warm was alive and breathing. “Good morning, Megan,” he murmured, stretching languidly and briefly tightening his snug hold. I sucked in a breath, held it and then exhaled slowly. “You stayed.” He shifted, propping his body on one elbow so that he could stare into my face. I was suddenly shy, tongue tied even. This was Jared, my friend Jared. I kept reminding myself that nothing had really changed. But that wasn’t entirely true. So much had happened between us that nothing would never really be the same. “You needed me, Megan,” he told me softly, reaching down and stroking my face with the palm of his hand. “When you need me, there’s nowhere else I’d rather be.” “About last night,” I began, too embarrassed to say any more. His eyes clouded. “If I hurt you, I’m sorry.” “No! I’m glad you…” I paused, nibbling my lower lip while trying to come up with the least embarrassing way to tell him thanks for not letting me make a total ass out of myself. Again. “I’m just glad you had your head on straight.” “It wasn’t the right time, Megan.” “No, it wasn’t.” There was a moment of silence between us. For once I didn’t force myself not to stare shamelessly.

He looked perfect, even at that ungodly hour of the morning. His blonde hair was tousled and his face was covered in dark gold stubble. He looked like a sexier-than-hell man who’d just spent the night with a woman. How lucky was I to be that woman, the woman who’d lain cradled in Jared Walker’s arms? “Yesterday…” I tried to order my words carefully. “Before Ollie’s tantrum. I meant to talk to you about my list.” “Which list would that be?” “The undateable list.” “I hate that list.” I swallowed, determined to make things right. Ollie’s betrayal had forced things to move forward, but this conversation between Jared and I had been coming anyway. “I never meant to hurt you with that stupid list. I thought I was doing you a favor.” “A favor?” He didn’t look convinced and I couldn’t blame him. My reasons seemed stupid in retrospect. “I didn’t want to be that friend who keeps trying to be more than friends. I didn’t want to be a pest, or a hanger-on or a”—I decided to go for broke—“a Gillian.” “God, Megan,” he murmured, closing his eyes. “All this time, that’s what’s kept that stupid list alive?” “I just didn’t want to lose your friendship.” “You’ll never lose my friendship, Megan. That’s one of the things best things about you and me.”

I frowned, wondering at the time I’d wasted, only to realize that it hadn’t been wasted. Nothing was going to make our shared experiences or the fun things that we’d done together disappear. He gently smoothed away the frown lines between my eyebrows with one fingertip. “What are you thinking?” “I’m wondering how I got so lucky.” “I’m the lucky one.” “How can you say that after everything with Ollie?” I swallowed. It was hard to choke out his name. “Is Ollie any different than Gillian?” I started to speak, to protest the comparison, but he pressed a finger to my lips. “We both have baggage, Megan. Hell, everyone has baggage. We’ve all got pasts. The point isn’t what happened, it’s putting it behind us and loving in spite of it.” I thought about the night I’d thrown the Gillian issue in his face. Had I really been apprehensive about his past, or had I been using it as an excuse to run away from my feelings about him? “As much as I hate to admit it, I think the Gillians and Ollies in both our pasts served their purposes,” I hypothesized. “So maybe we not only have the baggage, we need it.” A wry grin tugged at the corner of his mouth. “Well, you can’t see the world without baggage coming along for the ride.” “Hmm, tour the world with you? Where do I sign up?”

He lifted his head, searching out my alarm clock. “How about touring the gym first so I can open up?” I thought about his gym, about the part it’d played in my past and the part it was most likely going to play in my future. “You know, I think that’d be a great place to start.” “Good.” He leaned down and pressed a warm kiss to my lips. “Because Anna’s probably waiting at the door, tapping her watch and cursing me for screwing up her daily itinerary.” “Don’t worry about it,” I assured him. “She’ll be so glad to say I told you so when we show up together that she’ll forgive the crime against her schedule.”

Chapter Fourteen It was dark and quiet inside the gym. Light from the front windows cast odd patterns of morning sun and shadow on the silent equipment. Despite my long-standing friendship with Jared, I’d never seen the place so silent. It was strangely peaceful. “Is it always like this in the mornings?” I asked, feeling the urge to whisper as though I were in church. One of his dimples made an appearance, his eyes mischievous in his handsome face. “If you like the quiet you’ll have to keep getting up early.” “An extra hour of sleep or time alone with you.” I pretended to think it over. “Hmm, I’ll have to get back to you on that one.” He placed both hands over his heart in mock hurt. “You wound me with your indifference.” His words were said in fun, but the possible meanings weren’t lost on me. The smile slid from my face and I turned away and wandered toward the natatorium. The bulbous ceiling lights were dark, but the pool lamps were on. The blue glow gave the room a dreamlike iridescence that appealed to my battered soul. “Megan?” “Is that how you’ve seen me? Indifferent?”

He closed the distance between us, reaching out and taking my hand in his. “Not indifferent, just stubborn.” I frowned, slanting a sideways look at him. “That almost sounds worse.” He shifted, moving behind me and sliding his arms around my body. I hadn’t realized how cool the interior of the gym was until I was nestled against his warmth. It felt right to be there, to be with him. But when I considered a real future for the two of us, there seemed to be a list of overwhelming odds stacked against us. Sure, baggage was a part of who we were, but how could we get past it? It couldn’t be that simple. “Where do we go from here?” I murmured, still staring down at the mirror smooth water. “After everything, after Ollie, I don’t even know if I can do this again. I don’t want to lose you. I’ve never wanted to lose you. That’s why…” Gentle fingers brushed against my lips and I stopped talking to suck in a deep breath as the bottom dropped out of my stomach. “Go get your suit on and meet me down there in five minutes.” He nodded toward the pool below. I watched him turn toward the men’s locker room. “But the gym is supposed to be open soon,” I protested. “Don’t you have responsibilities?” He shrugged a shoulder. “This is more important right now.”

*** He was already in the water when I descended the steps into the humid natatorium. He hadn’t turned on any of the overhead lights, choosing to swim in the dim blue glow of the pool lamps. I battled a sudden case of shyness at the sight of his athletic body cutting through the smooth water. I reminded myself a thousand times over that this was just Jared, no matter what he looked like. It didn’t help. But I kept repeating it anyway. My flip-flops kicked aside, I nibbled my lower lip and dropped my towel to the floor. There was no two-piece bathing suit in my wardrobe. I’d worn regulation team suits in team colors growing up. Other than choosing a few more adventurous patterns to downplay the more ample aspects of my figure, I still did. Until that moment I’d never thought twice about it. But right then it might’ve been nice to do a little striptease number with my towel to reveal a sexy two piece bikini that would’ve had his full attention. Except that I did have his full attention. Gripping the edge of the pool, he reared back, giving me a spectacular view of his rippling abdominals coated in droplets of water. My mouth went totally dry and I fought the desire to grab my towel and run. “You’ve got five seconds to be in this pool before I get out and throw you in.”

His overbearing order somehow shattered my uneasiness. I propped one hand on my hip and glared down at him. “Don’t get pushy with me, Walker. I know where you live.” He growled, bobbing in the water as though he intended to jump out and make good on his threat. “You wouldn’t dare!” “Oh I would.” Graceful as an Olympic swimmer, he emerged in a tidal wave of cool water. I yelped as he wrapped his arm around my body. We weren’t even in the water and yet I felt strangely buoyant and light as a feather. “Take a breath,” he warned. I inhaled deeply and held as he leapt for the pool. We hit the water with a colossal splash. The surface above closed, and we were lost together in the tranquil underwater world. He loosened his hold and I pushed away, propelling my body toward the other end of the pool with broad, powerful strokes. There was something utterly sensuous about being there with Jared. It was as though he gave off some unexplainable male vibe that was amplified a thousand times by the cool kiss of the water. Gripping the smooth, round rails of the pool ladder, I watched him float languidly in my direction. Broad shoulders flexed, sending his muscular arms through the water. Strands of his water-darkened hair curled across his forehead,

only to be swept back as he fully submerged, closing the distance between us in seconds before surfacing. His head tilted back, slinging water from his face. He was quite close now, enough that I could see the faint trail of dark gold hair near his navel that thickened at his waistband before disappearing beneath his blue Speedo. I tried not to focus on that form-fitting piece of clothing. I wasn’t ready for that just yet. The gryphon’s tail caught my eye as Jared treaded water before me, the image rippling as his legs moved. My hand reached slowly through the water, my fingers brushing the creature’s tufted tail. “I’ve always loved this.” I was afraid he’d make some remark about my stupid list, but he didn’t. Instead, his eyes slid shut briefly and his breath turned ragged. Strong arms snaked out and grabbed the ladder on either side of my body, effectively trapping me. Was that reaction because of me? Because of my touch? “Again,” he said hoarsely. Curious, I brushed my fingers over his hipbone again. Braver this time, I traced the silky expanse of skin along his waistband. His muscles went rigid with tension. Emboldened by his reactions I ran my hand upward, skating over the grooves of his stomach and chest until I reached the barbell piercing his nipple. His blue eyes opened just as I picked gently at the piercing with my fingertips.

Our gazes locked and held only seconds before his mouth descended on mine. The kiss was consuming, electric, like gravity and science and nature and more. Our tongues met, dueling silently as we both fought for control. My hands left the ladder and settled around his neck, trusting him to keep us afloat as I stretched my body full length against his and reveled in the perfection of his kiss, in knowing that I was meant to be with this man. He broke away first, breathing heavily as he gently pressed his forehead to mine. “We should stop.” I tried to slow my breathing, aware that my heart was beating fast enough to create ripples in the water around us. “Why?” “If I don’t stop now I won’t be able to, and I want this to be right. I want to go slow.” I pulled back, mystified. “Why?” A wry grin pulled at the corner of his mouth. “Because this is too important to take chances.” He used one hand to sweep the room. “We haven’t gotten this far by rushing things. And believe me, Megan. I’m an expert on rushing things.” I laughed. I was beginning to understand what it was he was driving at with this speech. “There are so many things I want to do with you, Megan.” I couldn’t help the smile that broke over my face as I considered continuing where we’d left off with that kiss. Jared read my thoughts, probably because they were plastered across my face.

“I promise I’ve got plenty of those kinds of desires too. But this isn’t the time. You need time to heal and I’m not going anywhere.” It sounded perfect, too perfect. Clearing my throat, I gave voice to my deepest fear, knowing that I could trust him to be honest. “What if you get tired of me, of waiting for me?” He let go of one side of the ladder, cupping my face with one hand while holding us steady with the other. “I love you, Megan. I’m not going anywhere. I promise.” “Then I guess there’s only one more thing to do.” I sighed dramatically. He lifted an eyebrow. “What’s that?” “Get Anna’s I-told-you-so speech over and done with.” His deep-throated chuckled turned into a belly laugh that echoed around the empty natatorium. I laughed along, loving the sound of our voices blending together. I figured it was a lot like our lives, better as a pair. I was beginning to understand how deep a real long-term relationship could be as long as it involved the right people. And I couldn’t wait to keep figuring it out.

January 17th - One Year Later… “There’s the birthday girl!” I let the door of Cheeky’s Bar and Grill close heavily behind me as my face flamed red hot at Robbie’s enthusiastic welcome. A group of rowdy college students fanned out around the flat screen began heckling me. Their joyous birthday salutations quickly turned ugly, though, when the Detroit Red Wings scored on the Blues. I shook my head, aiming for our usual table on the other side of the bar. Robbie met me there with a cold bottle of Bud Light. “Where are your partners in crime?” I scrambled up onto a bar stool and set my coat and handbag on the extra chair. “No doubt planning some horrific birthday surprise. I was told to come here and wait.” “At least you know it doesn’t involve an embarrassing proposal of marriage,” Robbie commented slyly. “There is that.” I glanced down at the diamond winking brightly on my left hand. No, there wouldn’t be a proposal of marriage. Jared had already taken care of that on New Year’s Eve. “Oh, I almost forgot,” I gave Robbie a stern look. “Anna is bringing a date with her tonight.”

“That so?” “It is so, and I want you to promise to be nice. I think she really likes this one.” “Is that so,” Robbie mused, scratching his chin. I didn’t have to be psychic to see the wheels turning in his head. Damn Anna and her stupid pheromones. It would serve her right if Robbie professed his undying devotion right there in front of Anna’s latest Mr. Right Now. The front door of Cheeky’s opened again and I turned, expecting to see another wad of ridiculous balloons or some other nonsense walk through the entrance. Anna had come up with some seriously strange ideas over the years, but the duo that walked through the door wasn’t Anna’s creation and wasn’t meant for me. Still a bear of a man at over six feet with a slightly more pronounced balding spot on the top of his head, Ollie eased into Cheeky’s with a woman on his arm. To be specific, a woman that was not Carissa. She looked to be in her late twenties. Pretty in a girl-next-door kind of way, she was chattering happily, and he was hanging on her every word. Beside me, Robbie snorted. Surprised, I turned to look at him. His stubble covered jaw was tense, a look of disgust turning his normally lighthearted expression sour. “Do you know them?” I asked. “Not them, but he’s in here at least once a month with a different girl every time.” “Is that right?”

It was at that precise moment that I knew beyond all doubt that I was done working through my baggage. It was still there, I could feel the anger recoiling inside me but there was a big difference between lugging it around constantly and unpacking that baggage and putting it all away. I’d put mine away. I didn’t need it anymore. I had Jared. As if he’d heard my thoughts, Jared pushed open the front door and held it open for Anna. “Seriously, Anna,” he was saying. “They have support groups and twelve step programs for people with your kind of Type-A issues. Would you seek help, please?” “I’m not the one with the problem, Jared. If people would just do what they said they’d do, I wouldn’t have any problems!” Robbie chuckled. “She’s a charmer.” Feeling just a little bit wicked, I slanted Robbie a sly look beneath my eyelids. “You know, I think you should ask Anna out.” “You just said she was seeing someone new.” “You know Anna. It’ll take a certain kind of guy to make her settle down.” His snort was much louder this time. “You’re not lying, Megan. That woman would make a priest forget his vows.” I laughed, he was so right. But that didn’t mean I couldn’t look forward to the moment when it was finally my turn to say I told you so. “Speaking of forgetting,” Robbie muttered, disappearing back behind the bar.

I frowned, but quickly shrugged off his odd behavior as Jared approached. My heart leapt as he walked right up to the bar stool and slid his arms around me. I smiled up at him and inhaled deeply just to get that zing. “Happy birthday, Megan,” he murmured before leaning down to press a long, lingering kiss to my lips. “God, would the two of you get a room?” Anna griped. “Sometimes I really hate being right.” Jared broke off kissing me, giving me a conspiratorial grin. “It’s called getting what you deserve.” “Speaking of,” Anna said with mock sweetness. “Robbie?” “Free cake!” Robbie bellowed from behind the bar. My eyes popped open in horror as he produced a four-tiered birthday cake of mythic proportions covered in pink raspberry marzipan and emblazoned with purple writing. I could smell the sugar from where I was sitting. If Robbie’s words hadn’t been enough to attract the starving college students watching the hockey game, the scent was. Just as they began to descend upon the tempting tower of sweet cake, Robbie pulled it from their reach. “Ah, ah, ah, you gotta sing to Megan first.” They looked at each other and shrugged. Every inch of my skin flamed bright red as I watched them suck all of the air from the room into their lungs. Jared and Anna could hardly breathe, let

alone sing as they laughed the entire way through the students’ fraternity version of Happy Birthday. I’d already forgotten about Ollie and his date sitting in the opposite corner of the bar. I probably never would have remembered them at all except that Ollie caught Jared’s eye when he looked wildly around the bar as twenty or more college students belted out my name. “Son of a bitch,” Jared said beneath his breath. There was no malice in his words, just shock. It wouldn’t have been like him to go into a rage or act like a lunatic simply because a piece of the past drifted back through our lives. It was one of the things I loved about him the most. He cupped the side of my face and looked deep into my eyes. “Are you all right?” The love shining in his blue eyes was enough to make me light-headed. In all of my most fantastic daydreams, I’d never anticipated how much the right man would change my life in so many ways. But it had and I was thankful every day. “I’m always all right when I’m with you.” A shot of emotion crossed his handsome features. “I love you, Megan.” “I love you, too.” “What are you two whispering about?” Anna demanded, looking around. “Where the hell is Avery? I told him to meet me here at seven. Doesn’t anyone use a watch anymore?” Jared and I exchanged glances. Anna had never seen Ollie. The way I figured it, there was no need for that to change.

“So.” Robbie appeared once more, having left the college students to devour my birthday cake. “Where’s this date I’ve heard so much about, Anna?” It happened while Anna was starting a verbal sparring match with Robbie, and Jared was trying unsuccessfully to referee. The skin at the back of my neck prickled and I turned in time to catch Ollie staring right at me. A lot of things can pass through a look. Jared tells me with one look that he loves me. But that wasn’t anything close to what I was telling Ollie. I had wondered once, what I would say if I ever got another chance to speak my mind. But in the end I was glad there were no words. I think he got my point anyway. In those few seconds he knew I was immeasurably happy with Jared, that I pitied him for his ignorant choices and that I was thankful our lives had brushed. That last bit might have been surprising. But the truth was that Ollie’s betrayal had been the push I’d needed to take that final step toward Jared. Without the lies, I never would’ve realized my Mr. Wonderful was right there all along. ~End~

~ About the Author ~ Kaitlin Maitland is a slightly neurotic writer who spends far too much time dreaming up plots and characters and not enough time on icky real life things like cleaning toilets. When she's not pounding away on her keyboard she can be found hiding out in the barn with her horse Mercy. Visit her website here: http://www.KaitlinMaitland.com