Messie No More: Understanding and Overcoming the Roadblocks to Being Organized

MESSIE NO MORE

Understanding and Overcoming the Roadblocks to Being Organized Author: Sandra Felton Publisher: Fleming H. Revell Date of Publication: 2002 ISBN: 0800758277 No. of Pages: 192 pages

About the Author

Sandra Felton Sandra Felton is a graduate of Columbia International University with a B.A. degree and the University of Miami with an M. Ed. A career high school teacher, Sandra left teaching to write and give full time to helping others get organized. Sandra, a mother of three adult children, lives in Miami, Florida with her husband in Miami.

Wisdom in a Nutshell Mess can stress and overwhelm. When surrounded by a heap of disorder, one can't help but feel powerless against the seemingly endless chore of organizing. For some people, the mess cycle is endless. As a result of this relentless cycle, people end up being slaves to monstrous clean-up jobs. Messiness is caused by both external factors and internal conflicts. Sometimes, this is also caused by psychological disorders. Author Sandra Felton brings all these reasons to light as she provides helpful solutions that can help you be the organized person you want to be.

Sandra Felton is the founder of Messies Anonymous and is the author of several books, including the best-selling Messies Manual with more than 350,000 copies sold. She is a frequent guest on national radio and TV shows and lives in Miami, Florida. Sandra has been featured in many newspaper articles such as Newsweek, People Magazine, and the ever popular National Inquirer. She has been on many television shows around the country including The Gayle King Show, P.M. Magazine, and The Richard Simmons Show. She has produced a daily radio feature syndicated to about 300 stations nationally. In addition, she is a frequent guest on the radio programs of James Dobson's weekday Focus on the Family and the Moody Broadcasting Network's Midday Connection with Andrea Fabry.

Published by BestSummaries, Building 3005 Unit 258, 4440 NW 73rd Ave, Miami, Florida 33166 ©2003 BestSummaries All rights reserved. No part of this summary may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, photocopying, or otherwise, without prior notice of BestSummaries.com

MESSIE NO MORE By

Sandra Felton

PART 1: Understanding the Mind Set

1. ADD - Attention Deficit Disorder

Knowing the root of the problem is the start of the solution. Therefore, before Messies can change for the better, the first step that must be done is to find out why unorganized people act the way they do.

People with ADD or Attention Deficit Disorder are often disorganized. Not everyone who has a problem with organization has ADD; but it can be safely assumed that almost all people with ADD have a problem with organizing.

The Messie Defined Messies are people who are weak in the area of organization. Often, messies are pessimistic, forgetful, perfectionists, impulsive and impatient.

ADD can be caused by various factors. Genetics is one major factor. ADD tends to run in families. ADD can also be caused by chemicals in the brain called neuro-transmitters. Muscular and neurological functions of the eye are also another source.

Messiness is a problem of self neglect. Messies treat themselves badly and are used to self denial. They tend to work around their problems instead of recognizing them. Ultimately, they deny themselves the pleasures of beauty and serenity.

ADD is a neurological problem with a biological basis, thus medication plays a big part in its solution. Not

There are three types of Messies: 1. The Saver Messie - Saver Messies are compelled to save or rescue things that they don't necessarily need. Saver Messies do so because they do not want things to go to waste. Saver Messies also find refuge in having a lot of things. They also believe that the value of the things they save will go up in the future, or will be put into good use. 2. The Clutter Messie - Clutter Messies live with mess. Due to poor memory, a clutter messy is hesitant to put things away for fear that he would forget where he had placed it. Clutter Messies are also easily distracted. As a result, mess often piles up causing the clutter messy to wonder where to start and how to go about things. 3. The Time Waster Messie - Time Waster Messies are generally optimistic about their use of time. They believe that everything will fall into schedule. Sadly, Time Waster Messies usually find out that they need more time than they think. As a result, they often fail to be productive and this results in disappointment.

Causes of Messiness

Copyright 2004

“Since the world outside is unpleasant and full of pressure, the home should be the place to relax and be away from any pressure, so why work?” all attention deficits however are caused by true ADD. Drug abuse can also create this disorder How ADD Interferes with Orderliness 1. Poor attention span. 2. Distractibility. 3. Boredom with routine tasks. 4. Impulsiveness. Is There Help for ADD? Although some ADD symptoms diminish with age, some adults carry the fear and confusion of their earlier years with them. Adults, however, can comprehend what exactly is going on with themselves. This knowledge can lead them to act upon the problem. The good news is that ADD can be cured with the proper medication and environment. Take note, however, that only mental health professionals and physicians can diagnose ADD.

2. Compulsion Messiness can become a bigger problem of compulsion. This bigger problem, a behavioral addiction, is called an obsessive-compulsive disorder.

BestSummaries

2 of 6

MESSIE NO MORE By

Sandra Felton

Factors such as genetics or peer pressure can lead to compulsion. Compulsive people are always trying to take control of a world that to them seems very much out of control. They are always fearful of losing their hold on that world.

because of a parent's primary obligation to alcohol learns to suppress and minimize his or her own needs. When the core of a person's disorganization is a dysfunctional childhood, resolving those internal issues regarding that childhood has to come first.

Here are some guidelines to determine whether someone might be approaching a serious problem with compulsion:

Here are some general characteristics of Adult Children of Alcoholics:

· · · ·

·

Denial - Do you deny that you have a problem with organization? Compulsion - Have you tried changing but just can't? Loss of Control - Are you more and more drawn up to the behavior? Progression - Has life gotten less and less satisfying because of the tasks that have piled up or because of the schedule that you keep? Withdrawal - When you try to change, do you find that you have altered patterns of

There is always room for change.

On the other hand, here are the paths to recovery for Messies (truly compulsive or otherwise):

· ·

·

Admit the problem - Acknowledge the fact that you might have a problem and be prepared to face the idea of giving up some security blankets. Get help - Look to others for help. Get a new perspective - The spiritual dimension in life can offer you a new light and can help moderate your extremes. Begin a new behavior - Expect to trade off bad habits you have gotten used to for new, productive activities and lifestyles.

3. Adult Children of Alcoholics A child whose needs have been constantly ignored

Copyright 2004

Control - Paradoxically, a messy house is the frequent result of a Messie's effort to stay in control of her life. Lack of control is not the problem here; too much control to a point of perfection is.

·

Over-responsibility and underresponsibility - When adults in a family are dysfunctional, a child will often step up and try to carry the load the adults in the family have dropped. This may result to the child's selfneglect. On the other hand, they may also become under responsible. Years of struggling against a power larger than themselves and losing may teach them that some things are beyond their control.

·

Ignoring their own needs and feelings As a child, some people may believe that their needs were not being met because they were unimportant. They eventually feel guilty about expressing their own needs thinking that they would be imposing on others by doing so.

4. Other Hindrances to Getting Organized

sleeping, eating or social interaction?

·

·

Fatigue and Other Physical Limitations Some Messies get easily drained-out physically. Messies live with a lot of stress. They are extremely pressured by clutter, personal and family issues, and the notion that life is so out of control. All this stress stimulates the adrenal glands to overproduce adrenalin to cope. With an overworked system, their bodies eventually get fatigued then falter. With their bodies fatigued and their spirits dampened, Messies are again left feeling defeated and as a result, surrender to the disorder. Some people have problems with pain or other physical limitations that can interfere with their desire to get things done. In both instances, work will definitely be put on hold until either the pain stops or the body recovers from the limitation.

BestSummaries

3 of 6

MESSIE NO MORE By

Sandra Felton

Physical limitations however, within certain bounds, are not an overriding impediment to orderliness and cleanliness. An orderly mindset can very well overpower the physical handicap. Depression Living in a cluttered house, or any environment for that matter, can be depressing enough for anybody. Sometimes, however, a messy house is not the primary cause of depression. Instead, it's the effect of it. The person's depression weakens her organizational skills and her house suffers the consequences. Depression is cyclical. The depressed person doesn't feel like tidying up the house, the house's condition deteriorates and gets worse, and the person gets more depressed. Depression is often a result of unconscious negative thought patterns. The reasons for such thought patterns can sometimes be identifiable. In other cases, the reasons are left a mystery. At any rate, depression needs to be addressed and tackled. Here are a few things that can be done about depression: ·

·

· ·

· · ·

Develop a morning routine - Start a morning habit for yourself. Get dressed even if you don't have any plans of going out. Seek an organization plan for the house Try to accomplish a little everyday; no matter how small. Seek sympathetic hands - Ask for help. Two hands are always better than one. Obtain support - Get some encouragement from people. They will boost your morale and help you set goals. Be very nice to yourself - Pamper yourself with small comforts once in a while. Find a reason to live - Find meaning in your life. Open up to a social life - Mingle and be sociable. Nothing can replace live and personal interaction.

PART 2: Overcoming the Messie Mindset Having the ability to organize is one thing. Knowing that you have that ability and using it is another. To be

able to utilize your organizational skills, you must first acknowledge that you have it. It is only then that you can act upon this knowledge. Be prepared to slip and fall as you go through change. Always remember that you are doing this for yourself. Be patient and work on your progress. Keep in mind the vision of the new person you want to be and work with that vision. Remember, life is a marathon, not a sprint. Change doesn't happen overnight. Slowly but surely is the

A written goal concretizes your commitment. secret to change.

More Isn't Always Better More means you already have it in you and that you're just taking things a notch higher. Generally more discipline and working harder applies to people whose lives are already running pretty well. They just need more to improve. Why More Discipline Doesn't Work Messies are highly emotional people. The pragmatic approach to orderliness does not exactly work for them. Emotions keep them going or bring them to a sudden halt with whatever they do. Discipline is doing what you don't want to do because of the fear of reprisals. The cause and effect approach of discipline does not work for Messies. Instead, they should be motivated by the vision of what they want for themselves. Rather than discipline, Messies need focus. Harder Just Gets Harder The working harder approach uses willpower, a set of rules, and systematic methods. Again, these approaches don't work for Messies. Working harder will just equate to struggling harder. Messies already work hard enough. Some even work

Copyright 2004

BestSummaries

4 of 6

MESSIE NO MORE By

Sandra Felton

harder than successful housekeepers. Messies try too hard and think about a lot too much. What they need is to wake up and realize that they have been working too hard on irrelevant things and that they need to focus more on the right ones.

The Right Balance A messy life is a stressful life. It becomes stressful mostly because of control related issues. When everything seems out of control, Messies begin to feel powerless and fall into stress and depression. Generally there are two kinds of stressed out messies: 1. The controller - gets stressed because they want things to cooperate completely with them. They are either afraid that things might get out of control or they simply enjoy being in power. 2. The pleaser - is usually under stress because they want everything to be perfect for everybody. The problem with both types of Messies is that they

Assume proper leadership and lead your life!

The Golden Mean Every aspect of life can be described or categorized into three - the two extremes on both ends and the average or middle ground. In this case, we can use three categories: the Messie, the Average and the Cleannie. The goal and challenge is to be successful at being an average housekeeper. Successful housekeepers are average housekeepers. The secret lies in their way of thinking. They acknowledge and accept that fact that they are not perfect and are comfortable with it. Housekeeping is not the primary priority of successful housekeepers. To them, a pleasant and beautiful house is important but housekeeping isn't. They are very casual about how they go about accomplishing an orderly home. Here are some universal attitudes of successful housekeepers: ·

·

“A place for everything and everything in its place”.

·

· stress themselves out. One wants to be in absolute control of everything while the other strives so hard to make everything controllable.

· ·

Successful housekeepers just want the houses to look good for the sake of it looking good. Successful housekeepers are nice to themselves and believe that they deserve nice houses and beautiful things. Successful housekeepers trust their feelings and instincts on what items they should keep and get rid off. They are unattached to their belongings. Successful housekeepers are alert. They know when their houses are cluttered, full, empty, pretty, etc. Successful housekeepers live in the present. Successful housekeepers make housekeeping a routine.

The secret to avoiding stress is learning how to prioritize. Some things are really uncontrollable. Instead of stressing over matters that are beyond control, focus on responsibilities and activities that are doable. Focus on setting priorities.

Wanted: Helping Hands

Find the right balance! Nothing is as boring as a stressfree, unchallenging life. On the other hand, too much stress weakens lives. Find your personal rhythm and stick to it. Make time for things that inspire and encourage you. Replace negative thoughts with positive ones and avoid conflicts as best you can.

Although a great deal of focus and change will already be coming from the recovering Messie, she definitely needs help in order for her to succeed in leaving the messy life behind. Support and cooperation from the family is essential to the success of the makeover process.

Copyright 2004

BestSummaries

5 of 6

MESSIE NO MORE By

Sandra Felton

Support and cooperation are two different things entirely. Support is essentially the cheer or pat on the back Messies get from their families. Cooperation, on the other hand, entails action. This means that the family is expected to do what is asked of them. Messies can do without support. If families aren't supportive of the Messie's cause, the Messie will just have to go on without it. Cooperation however is mandatory and non-negotiable.

Mapping Out Your Way As a final note on the change towards the mess free life, set personal goals on which way you want your life to go. Plan ahead. You need a plan to help you achieve your goals. Put your goals and plans in writing. Writing things down gives things more importance. With a record of your plans and goals, you have a constant reminder of the new you that you want to and could be. Goals and plans help you take control of time. Time takes on a life of its own when not monitored. Mapping out your way can save you a lot of time and energy in reaching your goals. Let go of working on the basis of emotions and spontaneity. Work with your goals and maximize your time. Don't let your moods dictate the course of your actions. Let go of perfectionism. Getting things done on time is better than getting things done perfectly.

Copyright 2004

6 of 6

ABOUT BESTSUMMARIES BestSummaries.com is a book summary service. We provide abridged versions of top self-help, motivational and inspirational books, where you can learn--in minutes-- what it takes to live life and live it well. With BestSummaries, you will know the guidelines and helpful tips to a happy and balanced life. BestSummaries offers easy-does-it tips in structured outline for easy reading and comprehension. Summaries are available in PDF, PDA, audio and print formats.