Lust and Other Drugs Saranna DeWylde For months, Anne’s been indulging in a porn site that caters to women. She’s even got a favorite model, a hottie who gets her juices flowing every time. Until she finally sees his face—and discovers she’s been jilling off to videos of her lifelong best friend, Chase. Now Anne can’t even look at him without imagining his big, hard…everything. Worse, she’s just become Chase’s new roommate. How can she possibly keep her hands off all that grade-A beefcake when it’s within arm’s reach? Does she even have to? A friends-with-benefits arrangement is looking more appealing by the second… Starting with the world’s dirtiest dance, Anne and Chase’s physical relationship builds to the point of combustion. However, no-strings is harder than Anne ever imagined. Her lust for Chase is like a drug…but she’ll soon realize other, more complicated emotions are far more potent.
Ellora’s Cave Publishing
www.ellorascave.com
Lust and Other Drugs ISBN 9781419938030 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED Lust and Other Drugs Copyright © 2012 Saranna DeWylde Edited by Kelli Collins Photography and cover design by Syneca Models: Lisa & Cole Electronic book publication January 2012 The terms Romantica® and Quickies® are registered trademarks of Ellora’s Cave Publishing. With the exception of quotes used in reviews, this book may not be reproduced or used in whole or in part by any means existing without written permission from the publisher, Ellora’s Cave Publishing, Inc.® 1056 Home Avenue, Akron OH 44310-3502. Warning: The unauthorized reproduction or distribution of this copyrighted work is illegal. No part of this book may be scanned, uploaded or distributed via the Internet or any other means, electronic or print, without the publisher’s permission. Criminal copyright infringement, including infringement without monetary gain, is investigated by the FBI and is punishable by up to 5 years in federal prison and a fine of $250,000. (http://www.fbi.gov/ipr/). Please purchase only authorized electronic or print editions and do not participate in or encourage the electronic piracy of copyrighted material. Your support of the author’s rights is appreciated. This book is a work of fiction and any resemblance to persons, living or dead, or places, events or locales is purely coincidental. The characters are productions of the author’s imagination and used fictitiously. The publisher and author(s) acknowledge the trademark status and trademark ownership of all trademarks, service marks and word marks mentioned in this book. The publisher does not have any control over, and does not assume any responsibility for, author or third-party Web sites or their content.
LUST AND OTHER DRUGS Saranna DeWylde
Acknowledgments Big thanks to Dakota Cassidy, whose work appears as Anne’s cover story when Chase catches her jilling off to Dreamed Desire. Dakota’s a fantastic writer (if you haven’t read her, you must!) and a wonderful friend. It was with her encouragement that I believed this book could have a home at Ellora’s Cave. Thanks also to my editor, Kelli Collins, who saw the potential in this book even when illiterate trolls hijacked my files. She helped me bring Chase and Anne to bright and vivid life that they certainly wouldn’t have known without her. And as always, thanks to the Sanibel Divas for their love, support and nights spent laughing over glasses of Rosa Regale.
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Chapter One Sweet heaven on fire, but the man carrying the boxes out of Anne Hayward’s apartment was nothing short of an eyegasm. He was tall and broad, his presence filling the doorway. The cannons he had for biceps caused him to turn sideways to get through the passage, laden as he was with her household goods. The hundred-degree heat didn’t help—sweat slicked his skin and caused the white t-shirt to plaster itself like a desperate lover to the hard planes of muscle. A pair of distressed, low-slung jeans hung on his hips and it drew her gaze down farther, to the Pantera belt buckle she’d gotten him for Christmas. It mocked her, a gatekeeper of the forbidden. The sin-on-a-stick treat currently moving all of her stuff to storage was none other than Chase Donovan, the boy who’d been her best friend since fourth grade at Green Valley Elementary. Her mouth went dry when he tugged his shirt off and tucked it into his belt. “Boy” was absolutely the wrong word. He was all man. One-hundred-percent, grade-A beefcake, to be exact. Anne couldn’t help but lick her lips and imagine for the millionth time what it would feel like to have her hands splayed on his back while he thrust into her, those green eyes dark with lust and her legs wrapped around his waist and— “Annie? You all right?” he asked. “You look a little pale. Sit down. I’ve got the rest of this.” The corner of his mouth curved in a half grin. She didn’t respond…which was just as well. Anne wouldn’t have been able to say anything coherent. She’d promised herself she’d come clean about this new awareness of him, for lack of a better word, before she set up camp in his guest bedroom. The days had gotten away from her and she was still no closer to coming up with a way to broach the subject than she’d been when she’d first found out. Anne didn’t know where to start. One usually began at the beginning, and she supposed that was six months ago. At least, that’s when her world as she’d known it had changed. She’d stumbled across a porn site that catered exclusively to women. Hot stories read aloud by sexy men, videos of these same sexy men doing the most delicious things… Even chat. It was a fullservice sort of experience. Although she never chatted there, it had become her go-to site when she wanted to get off. It took months to actually see the face of the model she liked. It was always a quick peek or a bare shadow. Until a month ago…when she’d finally seen the familiar square jaw, the aquiline nose and the green eyes she knew better than her own.
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It had taken her world view and tipped it on its ass sideways to discover she’d been jilling off to Chase. Those images were burned in her brain like a brand. They were always there now, visions of his hands on his heavy cock, the way his body moved as he found his release—even the way the women looked as he made them come. She couldn’t look at him now and not see these things. Her gaze was constantly drawn to his hands, his body. Anne was wet just thinking about it. Especially his hands. Those broad, strong palms, the wide fingers that, even for all of their size, were elegant somehow. She liked to watch them. Whether he was carrying boxes or bringing himself off, she was entranced. She’d never seen him that way before—as a man. He’d always been Chase, her best friend. Anne had stopped using the site, but her fantasies had changed nonetheless. He was always in the front of her mind, waiting to offer some forbidden inspiration. She would remember some innocent circumstance, like a water balloon fight they’d had in high school, and instead of ending up laughing together on the grass, there was suddenly tension between them and his hands would be on her body, kneading her breasts, delving between her thighs and— “That’s the last of it, unless you’ve hidden more boxes somewhere,” Chase said as he came back through the door. Anne looked around the room and pretended to search for those hidden places where more boxes could be to avoid looking at him. Finally, she had nowhere else to stare. A lock of dark hair had fallen across his brow and she realized he could be the next model for a Dolce & Gabbana cologne. “No, I don’t have anything else.” Could he see the lust in her eyes? Did he notice the way she licked her lips whenever she looked at him? “Are you sure you don’t want the couch?” He motioned to the overstuffed thing behind her. “No, it was here when I got here. Where would I put it, anyway?” “The living room?” He shrugged. “I want you to feel at home, Annie. You’re not a guest.” “No, I’m the maid, until I can start paying you some rent.” She laughed. Instantly she imagined dressing up in a French maid outfit and “working off” her rent. Anne bit her bottom lip. She did that all the time around him too, constantly bit her lip when she thought of him and all the things they could do together. “Hey, you want to cook and clean, I’m not going to complain.” He held up his hands in mock surrender. “But you’re family. Mi casa, es su casa.” Family? That should have warmed her heart, but it was as bad as the dreaded Friend Zone. You’re nothing more than a sister. Perhaps she should have found comfort in that. If he only saw her as a friend, a sister, there was no way he’d let her screw up their friendship living out some fantasy that was probably one of those things better left to imagination. Fantasy was easy, reality was messy. 7
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“Thanks, Chase.” Out of habit, Anne leaned in for a hug that had always been a comfortable gesture between them. Only it wasn’t. He wrapped his arms around her and, rather than reeking like a man who’d been working should have, he smelled cologne and soap. She breathed deeply. His bare skin under her hands was like a drug and she wanted this moment to last forever. But he broke the hug all too soon. Had he noticed a difference in the way she touched him? “Anything for you, Annie. I know it was a hard decision to give up your apartment. You’ve been here for four years. But if you want to dedicate yourself to your art without a day job, something had to go.” “Let’s see if you still feel that way when I’m still eating your food, clogging up your bathroom counter with my girly necessities and camping out in the guest bedroom in five years.” She snorted. “You’ll be shipping me home to live in my mother’s basement.” Anne had thought it was divine providence when Chase told her she could move in with him when her lease was up. She’d done her four years, gotten her degree, but she didn’t want to get a day job where she wouldn’t be able to utilize her skills or be true to her art. And the sad actuality of living in her mother’s basement was enough to make her consider the day job. “Sweets, you can live with me until you sign up with AARP. I don’t care. Besides, you’ll have your own bathroom. So I won’t have to dodge your dirty panties on the floor.” He smirked. “What do you know of my dirty drawers, Chase Donovan?” What did he know, indeed? “You’re worse than a teenage boy about putting your dirty clothes in the hamper. Sometimes I wonder if you’re really a girl.” He leaned against the doorjamb casually, arms crossed over his chest and a lazy smile on his face. “Do you?” She looked down at her ample chest. “I’d say I’m all girl.” Chase gave her a once-over and the intensity in his eyes had her biting her lip again. If she kept this up, she was going to bite the damn thing off before the week was out. “Yeah, I guess you are.” “What would Randa think of that?” Anne asked, referencing his girlfriend. As much as she liked his attention and yearned for it, she couldn’t function when he looked at her like that. “You were here first.” Chase winked playfully and then sighed. “Actually, I doubt she’d have much to say about it. She broke up with me yesterday.” “What?” She was crazy. Or maybe she’d found out about the site. While Chase wasn’t a cheater, he’d had a few videos with other women. Anne could understand not wanting to see your boyfriend doing the horizontal mambo with someone else, even if it was before you. Or knowing there were thousands of women imagining he was doing
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it to them—although that part turned Anne on. Just a bit. Maybe because she was one of the thousands of girls doing the imagining. “Whatever.” He shrugged carelessly. “We weren’t in love. It was more of a relationship of physical convenience, if you know what I mean.” Chase gave her a pointed look. “So, are we going for beers to celebrate or are we going to watch Pretty in Pink and eat too much pizza and ice cream to feed our misery that you no longer have a relationship of physical convenience?” This had been so much easier when she’d been blissfully unaware of his hard body, strong hands and big cock. It felt strange, suggesting some girls’ night with him now, even though they’d done it plenty of times. Chase had always been up for a late-night ice cream run or chowing down with her while she fed her sorrow over some breakup. He’d even filled in for best-girlfriend duty and polished her toenails when she was feeling really down. It was as though the moment she’d become aware that he was Angus Beefcake, she perceived him as a different person completely. And he wasn’t. He was still Chase. In high school, when he’d grown eight inches and his shoulders had filled out, he’d still been Chase. Sure, she’d thought he was cute, but there’d never been this blaze of lust that she felt for him now. “Beers. It’s a celebration.” His expression didn’t match his words because his mouth was set in a hard line. “Not from the look on your face.” “No, really. It’s a good thing.” He shrugged. “I’ll only miss the regular sex.” Anne almost choked. How much sex did he need? How often did he need to come? Her cunt clenched and she longed to cross her legs, as if that would stop the ache burning between them. If he needed it as often as she thought about it, they’d both need a Gatorade IV drip. “I never liked her anyway. You can do better,” Anne said automatically. “Not right now, I can’t. I don’t have time. I’ve got to finish med school. Doesn’t leave much time for a relationship.” Neither did jerking off to a porn site for her pleasure, apparently. “Yeah, but then you’ll be quite the catch, Dr. Donovan.” She made a kissy face at him, the one she’d teased him with since fourth grade whenever he talked about a girl. Those times had been rare, so they’d warranted a great deal of teasing. “You know I’m holding out for my best girl to discover she’s madly in love with me.” He gave her an easy grin. Now! Tell him now, stupid. Tell him you want him to bend you back over this couch and… “And who would that be? Do I know her?” Anne volleyed, as if she didn’t know he was teasing her. They’d flirted like this since they were both knee high to a duck, but it had never sent shivers coursing down her spine as it did now. Their casual banter seemed like 9
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anything but these days. She wondered what he’d do if she dropped that bomb on him, that she was curious about how sex would be between them. “I think you might. She’s a bit too tall for a girl, but that’s okay because she makes me laugh.” He darted out from his place against the door and grabbed her for another hug. “I see, flawed but you’re willing to overlook it?” She nodded seriously, trying to catch her breath. She wanted to be closer. His playful hug was something more for her. “A man would overlook a face like a bulldog for that rack.” He smirked, but didn’t look down at her heaving chest. Her friend Gin always made fun of that description, but she really did heave when she was breathing heavily. Something she’d noticed now that she was doing it all the time. “Would he now? I don’t know if you should tell her that.” “Why not?” Chase winked and her stomach flipped. “Does she think she has a face like a bulldog?” “You’re horrible.” Anne laughed. “I know. I’m…what’s the phrase? An incorrigible reprobate?” He was still holding on to her and she was still heaving, her breasts pressed against the broad expanse of his chest, her palms splayed over his muscles. “Stop reading my regencies!” She slapped at his shoulder. “They’ve given me some great material.” He nodded knowingly. “I never should have given you that first one I read when we were twelve.” “Oh no, I thank you,” Chase said with a healthy dose of enthusiasm. “I’m sure the rest of the female population of KU does not.” “I don’t know about that.” A self-satisfied look came over his face. Anne was surprised her mouth was working at all at this point. He had yet to let go of her, as if holding her close like that was an everyday occurrence. It wasn’t, and neither of them seemed inclined to let go, but Anne knew she was going to make an ass of herself directly if one of them didn’t move. “If I’m your best girl, shouldn’t you be carrying me off into the sunset or something?” “I don’t have a horse.” He shrugged. “No, but you have a couple hundred horses under the hood of a Dodge that has air conditioning.” “Who said you were my best girl?” Chase raised a perfectly arched black brow. “If I’m not, then let her come over and rub your back tonight.” She moved her hands over his back to drive the point home, but she couldn’t have stopped touching him now if her life depended on it. “Okay, I give,” he surrendered. “But in the interest of said back, I’m not carrying you down the stairs.”
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“Are you trying to say something?” She put her hands on her hips and narrowed her eyes, his insinuation doing what money or guns couldn’t—prying her off him. “Yeah. Your dresser was damn heavy.” He obviously knew better than to get anywhere near that discussion. “I don’t know if I want to be your best girl, what with all this whining. Not very Alpha hero of you,” she taunted lightly and wrinkled her nose. “Calling me a pussy will get you nowhere,” he said, unimpressed. “You said it. I didn’t.” Anne loved to give him a healthy ration of grief. Of course, he’d give it right back to her. And for a moment, she felt guilty. He’d spent the whole day hauling her boxes and furniture without one word of complaint. He’d get the back rub no matter what. That, and it was another excuse to run her hands all over him again. She imagined him spread out in front of her, all of that beefcake just for her to touch wherever she wanted, massage oil hot and slick under her hands… Dear God, she was going to break her clit if she kept this up. “Oh yeah?” He hauled her up over his shoulder with ease and was rewarded with a squeal. “You sound like an indignant piglet when you make that sound.” Chase secured his grip on her upper thigh and his touch burned through her skin to the bone. “This isn’t exactly what I had in mind,” she shrieked. Unless it involved throwing her down in a pile of hay, on a mattress, wherever, and having his wicked way with her. If he would just move his fingers a little higher… “Keep squirming and it will be like nothing you had in mind because I’ll drop you.” “You’re just being ornery,” Anne chirped like an angry sparrow. She struggled against him, trying to control her need and figure out how to breathe. She had to stop this “breathless heaving”. Not only because she was getting lightheaded, but because she didn’t want him to know. Not yet. Maybe not ever. “Yep,” he agreed in a genial tone. “Seriously, you can put me down.” Her whole body was on fire, her face was bright red and she knew it had nothing to do with the temperature outside. She was relieved when he finally put her down, but that relief was short-lived because as soon as they got into the truck, he flipped the a/c to arctic. Normally it would have been a welcome relief, but the blasts of cold air caused her nipples to harden against the thin material of her t-shirt. If Chase had been any other man, she would have used it to her advantage, to display herself before hungry eyes and taunt the lust she knew was there. Her changing body had been a big deal in middle school. None of the boys could look at her face when they’d talked to her. No one but Chase. It wasn’t that he hadn’t noticed—he teased her every so often like he had earlier. Making jokes about her “great rack”. But she’d never caught him staring and his hugs had never been the kind to press
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her against him strictly for the sake of copping a feel. He never elbowed her just to brush his arm against them, or played the tickle game hoping for brief contact, and he’d never been anything but brotherly. It would figure, the one man she finally wanted to try to look down her shirt or cop a feel and he didn’t. He didn’t even so much as look at her as they drove. Chase was lost in his own world, strumming his fingers against the steering wheel to Cannibal Corpse. Anne stole another glance at him and faced forward before he could catch her staring. It was a short ride to his place. Before she could stop herself, she was staring again and wondering what he’d do if she just reached out her hand and traced the lines of his perfection. This time, he noticed. “What? I have something in my teeth?” He flashed his pearly whites at her and then at the mirror. “I wasn’t looking at your teeth.” Had that really just flown out of her mouth like a suicidal lemming? Shit. He was going to ask her what she’d been looking at. It was the next logical question. If only she could learn to keep her mouth shut. “Then what were you looking at?” Why did he have to ask? She didn’t want to answer. She didn’t have anything plausible to say to explain away the reason she kept eye-humping him. But she couldn’t look away. It was cruel and unusual punishment to put a man next to her who looked like that and not expect her to stare. “If I was sitting here with my shirt off, you’d be looking too.” She could have clapped her hand over her mouth, but it would have been like slamming the barn door shut after the livestock had already trampled an acre of corn. “Well, fair is fair.” He looked at her pointedly. “What’s that supposed to mean?” “Quid pro quo, my dear.” He made a motion with his hand as if she should continue. Oh. Maybe he wasn’t as immune as Anne had thought. Or was this simply more banter? “Well, then what? We’d both be topless with nowhere to go.” She laughed it off. “Actually, I was just thinking about a piece I have to work on tonight.” “And your inspiration is written across my abs?” Chase was skeptical. “You could say that. My inspiration is your abs.” “Do I want to know?” He crinkled his nose. “I don’t know, do you?” she tossed back with a cocky grin. “Fine, tell me.” He gave a long-suffering sigh. She never had to twist his arm too hard. Chase had the soul of an explorer. He was curious about everything. He wanted an answer to every question and he wanted it
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definitively. All she had to do to pique his interest was imply she had an answer to something that she wouldn’t share. It didn’t matter if the question had never occurred to him, he wanted the answer anyway. “I’m working on a book cover for one of my clients. I couldn’t get the lines right on his abs, but yours will do nicely.” It wasn’t exactly a lie. The last four covers she’d created, he’d been the inspiration. At least until she’d realized it was him. Anne knew better than to ignore her muse or to try to dictate what could function as inspiration and what could not. She’d tried to push all inappropriate visions of Chase out of her head, but she quickly realized it wouldn’t be that easy. Her muse had promptly bitch-slapped her and refused to do any more work until she capitulated and imagined him in all the poses she needed for the books. “Business, eh? And here I thought you were looking for pleasure,” he drawled. Anne was sure her temperature spiked another hundred degrees. She was definitely looking for pleasure. From his hands, his mouth, his— “That’s the same washboard you had in high school. Nothing special about it. It’s not like I couldn’t use Google Images and find a million more where that came from.” Watch the references, dumbass. “Oh, I don’t know,” Chase began slowly, as if contemplating his reply. “If you could do that, why didn’t you? In the spirit of inspiration, of course.” “You’ve always been too cocky for your own good.” “That’s what she said.” He smirked. Anne rolled her eyes and refused to be impressed. “Flesh is always better in the real than in pixel. But if you don’t want me to use you, I won’t.” He raised a brow. “Use me?” “You know what I mean,” Anne said tiredly. He was definitely putting her through the paces. Not the paces she wanted to be put through, but an ordeal nonetheless. She was heartily sorry for calling him a pussy. “See what happens when you impugn my manhood? I start acting like a frat boy.” He shrugged helplessly, as if it were completely out of his hands. “Oh no, you can’t blame your gutter mind on me.” “Sure I can. You’re the one who gave me a dirty story to read when we were twelve.” “You were the one who’d already figured out how to get free Skinemax instead of the Disney Channel in your room.” He waited for a moment. “Yeah, I got nothing. You win.” “I always win.” “Only because we’re here.” He pulled into the driveway and turned the truck off. “Keep telling yourself that. Whatever helps you sleep,” Anne said as she got out of the truck to see Gin Ettinger waiting on the porch.
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Gin was her best girl friend—and had a raging bean-on for Chase. She had since freshman year of college. Four years she’d been pining for him to notice her, and nothing. Chase was nice to her, accepted her as part of his group of friends, but that was it. He didn’t even banter with her like he did with Anne. He flirted a bit, but that was just Chase. Although he did call her Tank, for the Tanqueray brand of gin. “Hey, Tank. What’s up?” Gin smiled prettily for him and got to her feet. Anne was sure if Gin didn’t register on Chase’s list as fuckable, he couldn’t have any serious interest in Anne either. She sighed aloud. Gin was gorgeous. She had blonde hair that was like spun gold, clear blue eyes and full lips that drove most men nuts. Not to mention her petite figure. Gin was dainty and feminine, something that Anne was not and didn’t aspire to be. Anne hadn’t mentioned her recent discovery to Gin, and she felt horrible about it, but not horrible enough to remedy the situation. Partially because Anne wasn’t sure what she wanted to do. She had to get her own head straight before she sent Gin for a whirl. Unless she’d already found the site herself. “I see you’ve been working hard. Anne’s just a slave driver, isn’t she?” Gin grinned. “She’s a battle-axe.” He nodded. “The harridan even made me carry her down the stairs.” “You won’t get any sympathy from a woman you call Tank.” Anne laughed. “Oh, I think he will,” Gin disagreed. “See, that’s why you never get the upper hand. You show all your cards,” Anne teased. “I’m just honest. What’s wrong with that?” What was wrong, indeed? She almost sighed again. “Nothing. Except that he gets the drop on you every time.” “It’s a competition?” Gin replied. “Only if there’s Jell-O wrestling,” Chase said as he unlocked the door and went inside. “No, I’d lose. Nipples over here would put my eye out,” Gin muttered. “What?” Chase asked, sticking his head back out the door. “Nothing. We’ll be inside in a sec.” Gin smiled. When he was gone, she turned on Anne. “Christ, woman. I can’t compete with those things. No mortal female could. I give it a week before you’re going at it like rabbits.” She sighed unhappily. Anne wanted to reassure her, but she didn’t want to lie either. She made a helpless gesture with her hands. “Air conditioning. What do you want from me?” “One of your boobs? Then we’d be on an even playing field.” Gin grinned. “It’s okay, you know. I can’t make him like me that way. As much as I’d like to.” “Not paying to cool the outside, ladies.” His voice echoed from inside.
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“Then shut the door,” Anne called back. “You were the last one through it.” “See what I get for trying to be a gentleman?” he yelled back. “I mean it, Anne,” Gin said, her tone hushed. “With all of the banter and tension that’s between you all of the time, there’s no way that this new living arrangement won’t end up in someone’s bed.” “It’s not worth two friendships, Gin.” “But what if it is? I love you too much to get between you and destiny. What if he’s the one? You’ve never dated anyone seriously and just now, you couldn’t deny that you want—” She cut herself off. “Ice cream.” Anne turned to see Chase’s dark head at the door again. “Tank, are you coming out for beers later? We’re celebrating my rededication to bachelorhood.” “By having a woman move in with you?” Gin deadpanned. “Shouldn’t you guys be curling hair and trying to decide what you’re going to wear? We’ve only got six hours until we can hit The Bottleneck.” He said this as if six hours were five minutes. It took Gin forever to get ready to go anywhere and, in turn, she slowed Anne down too. But it would only take them one hour, not six. Gin’s eyes lit up dangerously. In that single expression, Anne knew whatever her friend was cooking in her mad scientist’s lab of an imagination, it wasn’t going to end well. “You’re so right. You better rest up now, because we’re going to need your help.” Gin chortled. “For what? Haven’t I helped enough? I did heavy lifting all day and while you’re primping, I’ll still be bringing in the rest of Anne’s stuff.” “This only requires sitting. I think Anne needs to get laid. It’s been what, six months since she’s even been on a date? You and I, Donovan, we’re going to get her a man.”
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Chapter Two Anne agreed that she needed a man, but not just any man Gin could drag in off the street. She needed Chase Donovan. And she was going to have him right now. At least in effigy. Her panties were so wet, clinging to her—the damp silk torture for her aching cunt. Every step she took, her jeans pushed the silk against her, just enough pressure to tease but not to bring any relief. After Gin left, Anne pleaded fatigue and quickly retreated to her new bedroom. She made a frantic dive for the black overnight bag she’d stuffed full with all the things she’d need until she could get unpacked. Namely, a few days’ worth of clean clothes and her Bullet. Anne couldn’t handle the Rabbit at the moment. She was too raw, too needy. The Bullet on the lowest setting would bring her some soothing although temporary relief. She slipped out of her jeans and under the covers. After positioning the Bullet, she bit her lip and looked at her laptop. Did she dare? He was right outside the door in the living room. Or maybe he was in his room, filming. The very thought caused her breath to catch in her throat. Yeah, she dared. Hell yeah, she did. Anne yanked her laptop down onto the bed and pulled up Dreamed Desire. Chase’s shoots were on her favorites list and she opened the video of him jerking off. Sometimes she’d watch him when he was with women, but his solo act was the one that got her off every time. She flipped the remote switch on the toy and the gentle buzz made her sigh. Anne let her hands wander her body, imagining they were Chase’s. Just as the show was getting good—Chase was thrusting his hips up as he fucked his own fist—the rattle of the old knob on the door yanked her out of fantasy land and she slammed the lid down on the laptop just as the man himself crept into her room. “Want me to tuck you in?” He gave her a lazy gin and then flopped on her bed, the mattress sagging under his weight and dumping her against him. Dear God, he was on her bed! While the Bullet was still on. She fumbled beneath the covers but the goddamn remote was AWOL. Anne clenched her thighs tight to buffer the buzzing of the Bullet, both as soundproofing and to keep herself from orgasming until after he left.
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But she had to admit that jilling off with him right there next to her had a certain bad-girl appeal. “What are you doing?” He nodded to the computer. “Thought you were taking a nap.” “If you thought I was sleeping, why did you come in and pester me?” She squirmed beneath her blanket, trying to reposition the Bullet but not tip him off to what exactly was going on under there. God, but it feels so good. He splayed his hand on her hip. “Come on, tell the truth. You were in here looking at porn.” Her face flamed, but he couldn’t possibly know. Could he? No, he was just giving her shit. “I certainly was not. I’ll have you know I was reading Dakota Cassidy’s new book.” “You wouldn’t tell me anyway. Haven’t you always said we don’t need to be that close?” His breath tickled her ear. “It begs the question yet again, if you thought I was busy…” Anne trailed off, masking the gasp as the building pleasure in her cunt almost betrayed her. “I thought you were never too busy for me?” Her hips jerked involuntarily as her orgasm mounted. “Jesus, Chase! You’re tickling me.” “Am I?” His voice sounded raspy for a moment, but it had to be her imagination. “Sorry.” He brushed his lips against her cheek in a familiar motion. “I’ll wake you up at six.” She tried not to shiver at the caress. “You should get some rest too. You know Gin will want to stay until the place closes and you worked hard today.” “Is that an invitation to nap with you?” Oh sweet hell, yes! No! The Bullet would buzz her clit right off if she didn’t let herself finish soon and get the damn thing out of her panties. “No way are you hanging out in my bed. You haven’t even bought me dinner first. See, you move in with a guy and all the romance goes right out of the relationship.” He laughed and got up. “That’s my Anne.” Had his fingers lingered on her hip or had that been her imagination? It didn’t matter; the experience was being deposited directly into the spank bank. In fact, the whole encounter, him next to her in bed, was going into the vault. Even after he left, the scent of him clung to her pillow. She loved the smell of his aftershave; it made her think of his square jaw, clean-shaven, and what it would look like with his mouth closed over her breast.
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That image and the scent of him were what pushed her over the edge. She came, straining and arching against the stalwart little toy and wishing it was Chase. Chase Donovan was beating his cock like it owed him money—and for all the times it had interrupted his daily routine lately, he was sure that it did. He hadn’t needed to jerk off this much since middle school. Though the root cause was the same. Anne. Something about her had changed in the last six months, and he didn’t know what it was or whether he wanted it to go away or explore it further. Bastard that he was, that was why he’d offered to let her move in. He thought maybe being around her more would remind him of their friendsh— No, that was a lie. That was the logic he’d used to console himself after he’d offered. He’d imagined a thousand scenarios and they all ended with him fucking her. Maybe he watched too much porn, but when he went into her room, part of him imagined he’d find her bringing herself off, those slender fingers working her cunt, and she’d beg him to ease her, demand he fuck her hard—and Chase would oblige. But she wasn’t some thing to be used like that, she was Annie. His best friend. So Chase wouldn’t close that space between their mouths, taste her lips, fill his hands with her glorious tits or bury his cock inside her because no matter how hard either of them got off, it wouldn’t be worth their friendship. Even though the scene in her room had begun much like he’d imagined. His pretty Anne was jilling off to porn. No one snapped a laptop closed that hard or that fast unless they were doing something they didn’t want anyone to see. When the mattress had bowed and slid her against him, he’d felt the gentle vibrations under the blanket and the way she’d squirmed beneath the covers; it made his cock so hard. His first instinct was to reach beneath the blankets and make her come like she was dying—she’d be screaming his name, unable to find fulfillment with a quiet whisper. He palmed his cock, sliding his hand up and down the shaft slowly as he thought of her. His go-to fantasy all those years ago was much the same as it had been these last months, of sliding his cock into the valley between her breasts, her thumbs grazing back and forth over her nipples as she held her tits firm around his thrusting cock. He imagined drizzling warm massage oil over her tits as he fucked them, her head dipping to take the crown of his cock into her mouth. Chase knew he should be filming this for the site—he had to put up new material— but he needed to come so badly he couldn’t think. He could always take the performance enhancer later. This, right now, was about him and Anne. Not displaying himself to pay for this house or for med school. This fantasy wasn’t for anything but enjoying how it felt. He wouldn’t deny he liked filming for the site. Seeing a million hits and knowing all of those people were bringing themselves off to his image was great for his ego. 18
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He squeezed the bottle of Astroglide over his straining cock and smoothed the gel up and down the length of his shaft, imagining its slickness to be Anne’s pussy. Chase groaned as he stroked himself, pushing up into his fist, knowing that drilling Anne would be even better. Her cheeks pink, her sexy mouth open, that black hair spread out behind her and the marks on her skin where he held her hips to guide her to meet his thrusts. He imagined the feel of her nails digging into his back… His Anne would be like some wild animal in her passion. If this were real, he would have tasted her sweet cunt, licked between her thighs until she came on his face then fucked her until she came again. Here, in his fantasy, he could be a selfish lover. Take what he wanted and spend without drawing it out. His balls tightened and his cock surged as he pictured spilling his jism all over her tits and lips, her hot pink tongue lapping at his cum. Chase’s orgasm hit hard and fast, the sensation fading just as quickly as it bloomed into something that he didn’t want to name.
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Chapter Three “There’s a man for you.” Chase referenced Gin’s earlier decree and waved with his beer at Seth Grayson, who’d just pushed through the door of The Bottleneck. He nodded in reply and made his way over to their table. That statement was proof positive to Anne that Fate had one seriously twisted sense of humor. Before she’d discovered the Dreamed Desire site, there had been some light flirtation and possible interest on both sides of the Seth/Anne equation. Now there was only Chase. Seth wasn’t the average med student on his way to a god complex. He’d been raised by his grandmother and had the manners of a gentleman at a cotillion. He had a quiet, yet still confident way about him that exuded a surety and safety that would serve him well in his chosen specialty. He was going into obstetrics and gynecology. Chase was forever giving him grief about “taking his work home”, even though Seth wasn’t that type of guy. In the four years Anne had known him, he’d never had a girlfriend and there were no rumors of any hook-ups. He didn’t seem the type for a one-night stand or casual sex. It wasn’t that he was hard to look at. He was built like a Norse god—tall, broad and blond. But he was quiet and more concerned with his studies than socialization. Anne thought that alone was sexy. “Yeah, maybe Seth and I should go out,” Anne said, slyly watching Chase for his reaction. “He’s not your type,” Chase replied, and took another drink of his beer. “No? But you just said there was a man for her. Why not Seth? He’s a good guy,” Gin said. “Actually, Seth is more your type.” Chase nodded to Gin. “He’s not interested in me.” Gin sounded certain, but suddenly she found the napkin under her beer overly interesting. “What did I miss?” Seth queried as he joined the table. “We were debating if you should go out with me or Gin. Although Chase thinks you’re more Gin’s type,” Anne supplied. He nodded as if he were considering the matter in detail. “Well, I guess it will have to be you, Anne. We all know Gin is hardcore fangirl for Chase,” Seth said matter-offactly. Gin blushed to the roots of her hair. “Aw, Tank. I didn’t know you cared.” Chase smirked.
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“I don’t,” Gin said in a rush. “No? Too bad.” He winked at her—knowing full well that Gin wanted a piece of him. “It is, isn’t it?” Gin shook her head and sighed. “You owe me, Anne. I’m talking first born.” Then she grabbed Seth’s hand and led him out to dance in front of the stage. Which left Anne alone. With Chase. She shook off her trepidation. It was stupid. She’d been alone with him plenty. Hell, they’d slept in the same bed on their senior class trip in high school, and other times besides. Sitting with him at a table in The Bottleneck while having a beer and listening to their friend’s band play wasn’t anything to be afraid of. Even though she’d been paddling the pink canoe to images of him earlier. That was fantasy. This was reality. Two completely different things. “What was that about?” Chase asked with a raised brow. In all honesty, Anne had no clue. It seemed for a second Gin had swooped in like an expert wingman to give her time alone with Chase. Why would she do that? Chase was finally starting to pay attention to Gin. It was as if she were pushing them together. “I don’t know. She said I needed a man and then takes the only available one at the table.” Anne shrugged. Chase grabbed his chest and made a choking noise. “Right through the heart.” Maybe this was the segue she needed to talk about what she’d been feeling? Maybe fantasy could be reality. “Oh? And you’re up for gigolo duty?” “Anything for a friend.” He grinned lasciviously. Friend. A firm reprimand back to the Friend Zone. Or maybe he was playing it safe too? “Sure.” Anne nodded, slapped her hand on his thigh and slid it near to his hip. “What’s a little fucking between friends?” For a moment, Chase’s cheeks billowed out, full of beer. He looked like a cartoon chipmunk with his cheeks packed to save up for the winter. Anne had the urge to poke one cheek and see if that would make him spew like a beer geyser. He finally managed to swallow. “I didn’t think women called it that. I thought it was ‘making love’?” “For such a smart guy, you can be a dumbass. It has to be ‘making love’ because I have a vag? I thought you knew me better than that.” Oh, they were skirting dangerous territory now—and it thrilled her. “When was the last time you fucked someone as opposed to made love?” Chase questioned, his expression serious. She wanted to lie. To tell him she’d been with as many men as he’d been with women, but her numbers were nowhere near his. Then there was the fact the last guy she’d had sex with, she’d loved. Head-over-ass, stupid-for-him type of love. “Never.” “You haven’t been with anyone since Jim the Jackass?” He was incredulous.
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“Nope. I’ve gotten very close with Bunny,” she confessed. “Who the hell is Bunny?” he demanded. “My Rabbit. The plastic kind with batteries, not the furry kind.” His cheeks billowed out again but he swallowed more quickly this time and spluttered. “Don’t ask if you don’t want the answer,” she said sweetly. Anne liked having him off balance. He was always supremely confident in everything he did, every goal he set for himself. Knocking him for a loop was a difficult task. “Anne, did he hurt you that badly?” Damn. There went her advantage. “I’m okay.” But she wasn’t. Jim had broken her heart and left her disillusioned. Was that why she’d suddenly turned to Chase? He’d always been her safe haven and now, was she expecting him to fix that part of her life too? He seemed to be able to fix everything else. It wasn’t fair to push her needs onto him. Not until she was sure she could meet his as well if he did feel something for her other than friendship. He studied her intently. “You know, I never liked him anyway.” Good old Chase, always there with the standard best friend script. And he meant every word. He never liked any of her boyfriends. From the first time in fourth grade when Billy Ludkins made her cry all the way until Jim the Jackass. He never thought any of them were good enough. “You never like any of them.” Anne smiled. “Because you have shitty taste in men, sweets. Except for me, of course. Now come dance with me.” “Oh no, I—” She started to demure, but he’d already pulled her from the chair, his hands already on her waist. His familiar scent washed over her and the security of his strong arms quickly squelched any protest she could muster. “It will be harder for them now,” he promised. “Why is that?” “You’re living with me and I’ll take care of you.” “Are you going to wait up on the porch with your shotgun?” she murmured into his shoulder. “If I have to.” “Would it be okay if I did the same to you?” she tossed back, her lips bare inches from the pulse in his neck. “Sure. Any girl you don’t like is gone,” he said with conviction. “I didn’t like Randi.” Anne knew full well her name was Randa but mispronounced it on purpose, and he didn’t correct her. “I know. And she’s gone.” 22
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“She broke up with you.” Anne laughed into the curve of his shoulder. It was an effort not to rub her cheek against the soft material of his t-shirt and let her hands wander the broad planes of his back. “I was getting to it.” His hand traced up her spine in a casual caress. Anne realized she wasn’t dancing with him as she would a friend, but clinging to him as she would a lover—their dance a preview to how their bodies would work together, all sweat-slicked and needing. Her hands had splayed over his muscled back and her heartbeat thundered in her ears. She couldn’t catch her breath and the casual touch of his hand on her back caused her to imagine all the other places he could be touching her. She was wet for him again, and all the bliss that brief touch promised. His breath was warm on her cheek and she wondered what would happen if she tilted her face up to look at him. Would he thread his strong fingers through her hair and kiss her? If he did, would it be gentle and sweet or hard and demanding? Would it be all she’d imagined, or would it be like kissing a brother? Anne had kissed him once in seventh grade. It had been one of those kissing games. Even at twelve, he’d been a knight in shining armor. He’d been so careful with her, told her they didn’t have to… She wished the memory was clearer because she’d shoved him on top of the pedestal of her expectations. Regardless of what happened now, this moment would be replayed over and over again in her head and she’d remember every indrawn breath, every stray touch or casual brush of skin while she brought herself off. The tempo of the music changed. The band’s last set was done and a DJ was now in control of the sound. A dance beat blared through the speakers and Anne was bereft. She didn’t want this moment to end. But Chase didn’t let go. Yet the moment had changed nonetheless. The sweetness was gone, but the raw desire remained. Chase moved his body against hers and she let the thumping beat take over. The music pounded through her and she obeyed its call—shifting her hips and swaying in time. His hands moved from her back to her hips, releasing her only to let her spin with the breaks in sound. She worked herself against him—and heat flooded her cheeks when she realized he was hard. Startled by his reaction, Anne looked up at his face and saw pure lust in his eyes. Hot need coursed through her and made her slit clench and ache. It was only a dance, but feeling the evidence of his desire and the reality of him meshed with the fantasy—all of those images came crashing in on her at once. Of watching him touch himself, of fantasizing about what it would be like to do those things for him and have them done to her. The mouth she knew so well curved into his easy smile—she imagined it wet with the evidence of her desire. The arms that fit around her so often strained with his efforts, her nails digging into his back while he drilled into her…
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“Sorry.” Although his tone said he was anything but. He leaned in and whispered against the shell of her ear. “That’s what happens when a beautiful woman grinds on me. Even if she is my best friend.” She licked her lips. Damn. Back to the Friend Zone again. Even though part of her cried that it was the Beautiful Friend Zone. It was just as well. Her earlier convictions reasserted themselves. It was for the best. But her mouth refused to cooperate with that train of thought. “Does that mean you want to stop?” Anne knew her words sounded like the most blatant of invitations, but her body was on fire. She’d play it off later if she had to, but she had the idea this thing she felt was like a freight train quickly running out of track and she couldn’t slow down. “Do you?” He turned her, pressing against her backside intimately—as if he wanted her to know the extent to which she affected him. Rather than answer, she slid down the length of him and back up again, working her ass against the hard ridge beneath his fly. He grasped her hips hard to anchor her against him and electric jolts ricocheted through her, from deep in her belly all the way to her clit. But she wanted more. She couldn’t get close enough. Anne turned to face him and looked up into the turbulent storm in his green eyes. The music continued to throb and pound and it seemed as if it were pulsing in time with her need. Her body moved almost against her will. Chase’s hands slipped from her hips and cupped her ass. His steady gaze never left her face as he eased his knee between her thighs. He lifted her up on his leg as they danced and his thigh rubbed the seam of her jeans against her pussy. At the first stroke, she gritted her teeth against the intensity of the sensation. She wanted to tell him to stop, she wanted to run away, but she needed to come more. Anne’s body wanted this, no matter what her common sense told her. “Do you like dancing with me, Annie?” He moved again, shifting his leg between her thighs and pulling her higher. She wrapped her legs around his hips and he held her there, the hard ridge of his cock where his leg had been. “Please,” she begged, unable to answer. He gripped her ass tighter and increased the pressure on her slit. Anne gave up all pretense of dancing, or even moving to the music, and allowed him to move her as he would. She tightened her arms around his neck and buried her face in his shoulder. Jolts of desire stole every sensation but that of Chase thrusting in a mock act of coitus. It was on the tip of her tongue to beg him to take her home, to strip her bare, but she bit down on her lip and rode the waves of pleasure he wrought. “Chase!” His name was torn from her as the mounting tension crested, and she shuddered as the orgasm took her, more intense than anything she’d ever felt with her Bullet or Rabbit.
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He stilled as she stopped writhing, but she could feel his heart still pounding against his chest and his need evident in the press of his body against hers. Chase made no move to find his own release, but let go of her. Anne was trapped—she had nowhere to look now but up at him. She could look or she could run. She wasn’t a coward, so she turned her face up to his. The music was still thumping, people danced on around them, but the world had stopped for this moment between them. It hung gravid with possibility. Until the heavy beats stopped and melded into something soft and slow. She leaned against him as if it were the most natural thing in the world. His erection was still like steel, but he held her softly. There was no expectation in his touch. Anne didn’t know if she wanted there to be or not. It would have been easier if he’d demanded his gratification like a god claiming his due. She could still pretend they were caught up in the moment, but that wasn’t the case. The moment had passed. And then even the soft music stopped. It was over. Time to pay the piper. Chase took it from her, like any other task she didn’t want. He brushed his lips over the top of her head in a gentle dismissal. “Thanks for the dance, Annie.” She opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out. Was that all it had been? A dance? When the sun came up in the morning, would he be able to forget this? Would she? Anne nodded. “Yeah, you too. It was fun.” Fun? Like the amusement park? Why had she said that? It had been so much more than that. She knew they’d have to talk about it, but the window was gone. Seth and Gin were headed their way. “Somebody’s going to jail.” Gin grinned. “For what?” Seth asked. “Alcohol abuse.” She pointed to Chase’s thigh, where Anne had been riding him like a pony. She was mortified to see a damp place down the fly of his jeans. She’d done that with her need and then her release. Anne blushed so hard she thought her cheeks were going to burst. “Yeah, I’m a klutz. Can’t hold my beer,” Chase admitted casually. His face was a mask that betrayed nothing. Anne wondered if mortification could be a fatal condition. She almost hoped it was. “Let me buy you another beer,” Gin offered. “It’s last call.” “No thanks, I have to drive. Maybe next time?” Chase didn’t wait for her to answer, but put his hand on Anne’s back to guide her out the door. Shit. Anne had to ride home with him. Hell, she had to live with him. She had to look at his handsome face every day and know that they’d done this together. When she sat next to him on movie night with his arm around her, Anne would wonder how to get him to touch her again. Their friendship would never be the same. 25
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She’d screwed things up royally. She should have talked to him about Dreamed Desire—or no, fuck that. She should have stopped looking. Stopped imagining him touching her, wanting her. The night air was by no means cool, but it provided a welcome relief from the closeness of the interior of The Bottleneck and it felt good to be out under the stars. She stole a glance at Chase, but he was focused on crossing the street to get to the truck and not getting pressed like roadkill. She knew she had to say something. Anne couldn’t lose him because they’d gotten carried away during a dance. “Chase—” Anne began carefully when they’d reached the truck. “It was just a dance.” He cut her off but his tone was casual. His actions didn’t match his words. He’d backed her up against the truck and the only space between them was a single breath. “What’s a little orgasm between friends?” He twisted her words and threw them back at her. “I don’t know!” she cried, betraying every fear that lurked inside her. “It doesn’t have to be anything. Nothing has to change. It happened. So what? Do you remember Jennifer Eisler’s party in seventh grade?” She’d kissed him in the closet for their Seven in Heaven. Anne had been thinking about that earlier, but the first inexperienced touches of a boy had nothing to do with the man he’d become. “Yes. I remember.” “And did it change us?” he whispered. “No, but we didn’t want it to,” she answered. “You want us to change?” He sounded surprised. “I don’t know. God, I can’t think when you’re this close to me.” She pushed at his shoulders but he didn’t move back. “It’s a simple question, Annie. What do you want? Be honest with me, and yourself.” “Honest? Fine. I’ll give you honest. Dreamed Desire. There’s honest for you.” Damn, why had she said that? She couldn’t answer the question so she’d turned it around on him. Anne knew she wasn’t being fair. He raised a brow and waited for her to continue, but she had nothing else to say. Chase straightened. “You want me to be ashamed or to apologize? I won’t. It’s paying for med school and the house where we both lay our heads at night.” “Why didn’t you tell me if you’re not ashamed?” she demanded. “So we could end up doing this?” “Stop answering my questions with more questions!” “Stop asking questions that beget more questions.” His lip curled in a half grin. Now they were back in comfortable territory, a place they were both familiar with—and somehow that was more devastating than any of the rest of it. 26
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“Chase, you’re my best friend.” “And that stops because I made you feel good?” Chase narrowed his eyes at her as if she were a strange sort of bug. When he put it that way, it didn’t make any sense. He always did that. She knew what she wanted to say, had a killer argument all laid out in her head, but as soon as he opened his mouth, he had a way of oversimplifying that made everything she’d decided obsolete. But she hadn’t been arguing with him for fifteen years to lose so easily. “No, making me ‘feel good’ doesn’t mean we won’t be friends anymore. It’s when you want to make someone else besides me feel good, as you put it.” “Well, that’s just selfish. You want to keep all the feeling good to yourself,” he teased. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore.” He obviously had none of the same concerns she did. It was just as well, she told herself for the millionth time. She turned and got in the truck. He stood there for a moment before going to the driver’s side. “Annie—” he began. “Hey, no big deal, right? It was only a dance.” “It’s a big deal now.” Even though he didn’t say it, she could still hear the damn it hanging on the end of the sentence. “No, it’s not. I won’t bring it up again. Let’s forget it happened.” The words felt hollow on her tongue and the lie turned to ash in her throat. “If that’s what you want.” He started the truck and pulled out of the parking lot. It wasn’t what she wanted. Why did he keep asking what she wanted? What about him? What did he want? Anne wanted to ask him all of those things but instead of speaking, she rode in silence. They drove for a while before he spoke again. “Are you hungry?” She knew the best way to get past this was to act as they normally did, but Anne didn’t know if she could swing it. “Not really. It’s been a long day.” “Flick?” he asked. Anne realized he was trying to be normal too. How she’d sit next to him through a whole movie with the memory of their dance still fresh, she didn’t know. “Okay.” “You know you need snacks for movie night. Maybe a little pizza?” Chase prodded. She smiled. “I guess.” “That’s my girl.” Ugh, she had to stop reading innuendo into every slip of his tongue. Her channel clenched at the visual of slipping his tongue. Anne was determined not to think about sex anymore. Or Chase. Ever. 27
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Chapter Four So much for not thinking about sex. Anne was a lumpy mess on the couch next to Chase and she didn’t even know what movie they were watching. She was so aware of herself. For years, Anne had hijacked his t-shirts and boxer shorts for pajamas, but rather than make her feel comfy as they had in the past, she was very aware of where they’d touched on his body in relation to where they touched hers. Her nipples were hard points beneath the t-shirt and the throbbing in her sex was almost unbearable. He wore nothing but a pair of ratty shorts and Anne still couldn’t keep her eyes off him. She’d thought he was sin on a stick in the jeans; it was worse in the shorts because she could see more of his tan skin. The lines and perfect musculature of his long legs. Regardless of what either of them wanted, things had changed. The comfortable companionship they’d always shared would never be that way for her again. Maybe if they got it over with, if they had sex, this would go away. She needed it to stop. When the credits finally rolled, she popped off the couch like some angry bug had bitten her ass. “Well, I’m tired.” “Okay, goodnight. Want me to tuck you in?” he asked with a lazy smile. Sweet Jesus, no. Because as soon as she was in bed, she was going to turn her Rabbit on high and make herself come until her brains squirted out of her snatch. Then maybe she wouldn’t think about Chase and his lovely cock anymore. And she definitely didn’t want him present this time. “No thanks. I’m good.” Anne turned and darted to her room before he could say anything else. Her laptop sat cold and quiet on her desk, but she wasn’t touching that thing either—not until she got Chase Donovan out of her head. At this rate, that would happen when dog shit tasted like Godiva. Because the memories that washed over her, that made her hot, were the ones of their dance. Anne eased beneath the covers with her trusty Rabbit and rolled her nipple between her thumb and forefinger, imagining her hand was Chase’s mouth. She tugged firmly and imagined it was the gentle pull of his teeth. Anne pushed the phallus of the Rabbit into her wet cunt and turned the setting on low. The jutting appendage on the top pushed up against her clit. She sighed in expectation—and nothing happened. The Rabbit gave a little shudder and moved no more. Its death felt like an accusation. Sonofabitch. She needed new batteries.
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Anne knew with a horrible certainty that she had none in her room. She’d already cannibalized the ones from her television remote. Chase was Captain Emergency Preparedness. He had a whole arsenal that was stocked full of any size battery she could fathom. In the kitchen. Past the living room, where he was watching another movie. A glass of water. She could get a glass of water. Anne nodded. The perfect excuse. Or maybe she should just tell him she needed batteries so she could come again and maybe they should just fuck and get it over with. Then they could be friends again and she’d stop thinking of him. Anne peeked out of her room and around the corner. It was dark and quiet. He must’ve gone to bed too. She tiptoed down the hall and paused at his door. There was a sliver of light coming through the small space between the door and the frame where it hadn’t been closed all the way. She wanted to look, but she didn’t dare. Anne imagined he was jacking off, thinking about their dance just as she was about to do. It didn’t matter if that’s what he was doing or not, it’s what she wanted to imagine. But the door was open. If she wasn’t supposed to look, wouldn’t it be closed? Chase didn’t believe in coincidence, so perhaps the universe had decreed the door be left open for her viewing pleasure? She realized that her reasoning was skewed and she was rationalizing. If she wanted to look, she’d better have at it and be prepared to deal with the consequences if he caught her. Being caught was its own fantasy right there. Anne could easily imagine him being displeased with her for watching him without his permission, and that should definitely earn her some time over his knee and a good, solid spanking. Maybe she’d even have to make up for it by sucking his— Wow. She looked. Fantasy didn’t have anything on the reality of Chase Donovan or his cock. They say the camera makes everything look bigger, but the website didn’t begin to do the size of him justice. It also drove the point home that this was real. This wasn’t happening in some ether of the internet, this was real life. She was watching her best friend jerk off and she wanted it to be her hand wrapped around his cock instead of his. Things could never be the same between them again and even that realization couldn’t make her stop watching. He’d palmed himself and was slowly working his hand up and down the length of his shaft. In all the naughty movies she’d ever watched, this was the time when she could walk through the door and fall on her knees and do whatever she wanted to him. That was supposedly the fantasy. There wouldn’t be any denial, no shock or embarrassment at being caught. Anne wished she had the nerve to follow through. She should look away—he hadn’t invited her to be part of this. It was private.
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That thought turned her on more. It was a transgression into the forbidden. She wondered if it would make her just as hot if he’d invited her in to watch. If she’d still be entranced by every movement of his hand, the way his muscles corded when he fought his orgasm. Almost unwittingly, she worked her fingers into the opening of the boxer shorts she wore and rubbed herself softly. She was torn between wishing he’d catch her and praying he wouldn’t. Anne was just teasing herself though. She wasn’t one of those women who could bring herself off like that. Anne got bored with her own fingers; she needed her Rabbit or Bullet. She knew for damn sure he’d hear that thing buzzing outside his door. Anne turned away reluctantly, padded the rest of the way to the kitchen and was quick with the battery recon. She had them tucked in her hand and was on her way back to her room when she realized she was actually thirsty. She crept back to the kitchen, ignoring the desire to peek into his room again. There was a glass on the counter filled with water. Anne upended it just as Chase strode into the kitchen. His eyes were wide and his mouth fell open. “Don’t tell me that was the water I left on the counter.” She looked sheepish. “Uh, maybe.” He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “Sorry. Here, I’ll make you another.” She fumbled with the glass while she tried to keep the batteries hidden. “No, sweets. I really needed that one.” Chase pursed his lips and looked skyward, as if there were another glass of water on the ceiling that could help. That was when Anne became aware of an intense heat suddenly radiating from her skin. It felt like a sunburn. “It wasn’t only water, was it?” she asked weakly. “No, I’m afraid it wasn’t.” “Are you going to tell me what I drank or am I better off not knowing?” The ache she’d had in her pussy exploded into a nuclear apocalypse. “Oh my God!” She grasped the counter for support as lust raged through her. “Chase?” “I’m so sorry, Annie! Hold on and this will pass, okay? I promise.” He said that as though he knew what she was feeling. He put this stuff into his body on purpose? “What is it?” she asked through clenched teeth. “It’s a supplement so I can film for Dreamed Desire.” “Like, Viagra?” she squeaked. “Not exactly. It’s something Seth and I made in the lab.” “It…” She struggled for the words to explain.
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“I know. Here, let me help you.” Chase held out his hand. Anne tried to take a step but her knees buckled at the rush of sensation that washed over her when the boxers rubbed against her sensitized flesh. He caught her as she fell and it was torture. Because her skin burned everywhere he touched. “It hit me so fast,” she said breathlessly. “Because it was a dose for me. To keep the show on the road, so to speak. We don’t know if it affects women differently.” “You better not be taking notes,” she growled. “No, not when my carelessness hurt you. I’m so sorry.” “Don’t be sorry, just make it stop,” she pleaded. “I can’t make it stop,” he said, and hauled her up into his arms. “But I can ease the pain.” “Chase, you have to stop touching me.” Each word was uttered carefully through gritted teeth. “I’m on fire.” “No, I have to touch you more.” His words made her breath catch. “It hurts!” she cried. “I know, baby.” He laid her on the island and she leaned back on her forearms with a small moan. Chase tugged her boxers off and she had no voice to argue, even if she’d been so inclined. The throbbing that centered at the core of her cunt wouldn’t allow it. She was spread before him, half-naked and exposed. Part of her wanted to cry that they could never recover from this, but it was quickly silenced by the need that was a drumbeat, keeping time with her pounding heart. “This is the fastest way to work it through your system. If you can’t breathe or you feel a pressure in your chest, tell me, okay? I’ll have to take you to the ER. That’s what I should do now.” Chase’s mouth was set in a grim line. “No!” “I would if I didn’t think it would be worse for you.” He looked at her for a long moment. Another wave of ecstasy and pain rocketed through her core and she bit her lip to keep from crying out. “How long?” “I don’t know. It keeps me hard for hours.” Terror knifed through her. She couldn’t stand this for hours. “Can’t you put me to sleep?” “No, I need you awake to know if your heart is in distress. Unless you want to go to the ER?” “No! I want to stay with you. Please.” “And this too?” Chase slipped a finger inside her slick pussy and she clenched as a tremor shook her body. 31
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“Yes,” she said without hesitation. He eased a second finger into her hot channel and she arched against his hand. Chase thrust in and out, seeming to keep rhythm with the rush of blood that pounded through her head. A few more small tremors echoed through her and they eased the pain, but the tension was still building inside her. Chase moaned as he ghosted his thumb over her clitoris. “Damn me for being a bastard, but I want more of you.” “Take it,” she offered. He carefully climbed atop the island, kneeling between her legs, and pushed her shirt up to expose her breasts. Chase’s hot tongue stroked over her nipple and she arched her back with a cry at the intensity of the sensation. “You’re so beautiful,” he whispered as he continued to thrust his fingers inside her. “More,” she demanded, stripping her shirt off completely. “All you can take, Annie.” His voice was full of promise. She shuddered again and her core throbbed. Anne realized those shudders were vaginal orgasms. She’d never had them before. Only clitoral. They were different in how they felt and what they did to her—not only in duration but in how they affected her release. He moved up her body and kissed the hollow of her throat. His thumb moved over her swollen clit and, just as she was about to come, he stopped. Chase eased back down the length of her and dipped his head between her thighs. Anne propped herself up higher on her forearms to watch him work. She briefly threw her head back in delight when he touched his tongue to her, but forced herself to look at him. He was jacking his cock inside his shorts while he laved her and she wanted to give him the same pleasure but was too weak to demand it, too caught up in the bliss to speak. The searing pain had stopped, but still her body yearned for something more. Anne bucked against him. The batteries that were still in her hand clattered to the floor as she reclined back on the island. Chase didn’t stop his ministrations when she pushed her hands through his hair and tugged him closer to her slit. The staccato of his tongue changed, paused. She arched to see him and when she did, she noticed he’d come in his hand while getting her off. That knowledge was what flung her over the edge—and she came hard. Anne clenched her teeth as sensation exploded inside her. “That’s right, baby. Come for me.” Anne threw back her head and screamed as her hips jerked to his thrusts. She struggled for breath and feared for a moment she had stopped breathing, but as she fell back to earth, Anne realized it wasn’t heart failure. It was simply the most intense orgasm she’d ever had. 32
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And he hadn’t even kissed her. “Kiss me, Chase.” “I can’t,” he whispered as he climbed off the island and pulled her ass to the edge. She wrapped her legs around his waist. “Why not?” “Because then I’ll have to be inside you, my Annie.” The way he said her name with such blatant ownership made her shiver, and even though her body was still quaking from her release, she knew she’d be ready again in moments. “Don’t you want to fuck me?” she asked, baring her need before him. “More than anything—except keeping your trust.” Her breath caught again and her body tightened in anticipation of more. God, she was going to die if she had to come that hard again, but it would be a good way to go. “I trust you, Chase.” Anne pushed herself up and draped one arm around his neck, pulling him down to her. “I know. And I won’t fail you.” “How could this be failing me?” Anne couldn’t help but rub herself against him. He took a deep breath and his voice was low and strained. “Because you didn’t want this. It’s my fault you’re in pain. This isn’t for our mutual pleasure, something we decided together. This is something I did to you with my carelessness.” “What if I want you, Chase?” she asked artlessly. “Then you’ll still want me when you’re not drugged and aching.” “But the ache hasn’t stopped.” “It takes time, sweetness.” “Does it? How long? It’s been six months.” He froze. “What do you mean?” She tilted her hips to rub her pussy against him again, almost unwillingly. Anne moaned softly. “Six months I’ve been watching you on Dreamed Desire. Six months of touching myself to images of you doing the same. Only, I didn’t know it was you until…” She broke off and dug her nails into his shoulders as she shook with another small release. “Until when?” he demanded. “I tried to stop but I couldn’t. Please,” she begged. “I need this. Not only to ease me now, but to get you out of my head so you’ll be Chase again!” “I’ve never been anyone else.” He pushed his arm beneath her lower back to angle her. “So you’re my friend again instead of my fantasy,” she corrected.
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His kiss was brutal. He crashed his lips to hers and she met his violence with her own. Anne bit his bottom lip lightly and then traced its contours with her tongue. Chase pulled back and tugged his shorts off. Anne wanted to look at him but he was efficient with his movements. She hadn’t said she wanted to touch him; she’d only said she wanted him out of her head. Again, he was doing exactly as she asked. “I want to touch you.” “No, Annie.” “Why?” she asked. “Because I want this too much.” He groaned as he teased the crown of his cock against her slick pussy, sliding it over her engorged clit to barely part her cleft. She bucked her hips, urging him to drive his cock inside her, and he complied, thrusting deep. Anne felt as if she’d been torn asunder. She’d never been so full. If he moved, she’d shatter—but she instinctively knew he’d put her back together too. He pulled her up again so her ass was braced on the edge of the island and she leaned forward, trusting him to support her weight. She kissed the familiar edge of his jaw, the corner of his mouth where he hid his smiles, and then on the fullness of his lips again. They moved in tandem. He brought her down as he pushed up into her, hooking his arms beneath hers to grasp her shoulders and keep her steady. She rode him fast, flexing her thighs and tightening her pussy around his shaft to pull him deeper. The tumult that raged inside her built again, but this time more intensely than before. There was a single focal point and it was all Chase. His hands, his mouth and his cock had all merged into one sensation. A cry tore from her as it reached a crescendo and when she would have pulled away to keep from dying that little death, he drilled her harder. “Come for me again, my Annie.” As delight spiraled through her in endless waves instead of crashing down on her like a tsunami, she decided that Chase Donovan was indeed a god. He’d brought her to orgasm more times than she could count and he’d only come once. This was just like their heated debates. He was making all the points. She couldn’t let him win this too. “Come inside me,” she whispered. His fingers dug into her shoulders and he growled against her ear. “You don’t want that.” “I do, Chase! You know I’m on the Pill. Come hard. Fill me.” She didn’t know if the words spurred him on or not, if they were what she was supposed to say at a time like this, but she didn’t care. Anne wanted him to be as sated as she was. “Or let me finish you with my mouth,” she said boldly. She’d never done that for a man before, but she wanted to do it for Chase. 34
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“You could get the Devil to go to church, Annie.” Chase thrust into her again and then he stilled, wrapped his arms around her and held her tight against him. He’d come inside her just as she’d demanded. Anne was hit with a euphoric satisfaction. Until she realized every single cell in her body was aching in protest. She made a small sound of distress when he withdrew. “Yeah, I think you’re going to be okay,” Chase said lightly, as if they weren’t naked and he hadn’t just given her the fucking of her life. “I’m not going to be able to walk for a week.” Anne was pleased to note the hot, burning need in her cunt had faded. “But yeah, I think I’m okay.” She sat up, unsure of what to do next. “It’s gone? Just like that?” Chase narrowed his eyes at her while he pulled up his boxers. “It takes me hours to work it through my system.” “Maybe being with another person neutralizes the compound? Something to do with mixing hormones?” “Anne, you may just be a genius.” “Well, I knew that.” It felt good to be back into the realm of banter and Anne could see the wheels in his brain whirring around that idea. He was already making notes in his head. She hopped down off the island and pawed around for her own boxer shorts. Then, to save them both from an awkward moment, she retreated to her room. What she really wanted to do was check the countertop of the island for any evidence of their encounter and scrub it away. It wasn’t that she wanted to scrub away what happened. In fact, she wanted to do it again when she could walk without wincing. But they did prepare food there. And the next time she was slicing a tomato for a BLT, she’d be thinking alternately of fucking Chase and remembering that she hadn’t cleaned the island afterward.
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Chapter Five “You tramp. What did I tell you would happen?” Gin’s perky voice startled Anne from a dead sleep the next morning. Anne grumbled and rolled over. “Christ, Gin. How are you so energetic this freaking early?” She pulled a pillow over her head. The petite blonde flopped onto the bed next to her. “Chase asked me to check on you at lunch.” “It’s already lunch?” Her brain boggled at the thought. Anne had never slept that long ever. “No, I came early. It’s eleven. But I figured you’d need a long soak in the Jacuzzi and maybe some pizza and Rosa Regale.” Gin waved the bottle at her. “It’s all my treat. As long as you spill. About everything. Get moving though. Seth and I are going to a thing for dinner.” “A date?” Anne asked with a nudge. “Most certainly not. It’s a dinner theater thing Justin’s girlfriend is in. He wants to drag Seth, but neither of them want the implications of two men sitting through dinner theater together. Alone.” Gin snorted back a giggle. “Really? I think Seth wanted an excuse to hang out with you,” Anne said knowingly. “That would be a mess, wouldn’t it?” “Why? You don’t find him attractive?” “Who wouldn’t? He’s definitely nice to look at, but he’s so reserved. I practically had to beg him to dance with me.” “Gin, that wasn’t begging. You dragged him like a recalcitrant dog.” “For me, that’s closer to begging than I would like.” “You didn’t mind pining for Chase.” “Don’t start.” Gin held up a hand. “Talking about my lack of love life isn’t going to get you out of spilling all the gory details. Unless, of course, you don’t want this bottle of Rosa Regale.” She waved the bottle again, as if dangling a carrot in front of a donkey. “Did you bring two?” Anne sighed. “Actually, I bought three. And those really big wineglasses. Because they say a glass of wine is good for the heart and the circulation.” “I don’t think they meant a glass that could double as a 7-Eleven Big Gulp.” “Maybe not. No one says you have to drink it all,” she singsonged.
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“Bring it on.” Maybe a glass of wine and some girl talk was just what she needed. “But we will talk about this Seth thing.” “There’s nothing to talk about. It’s a friend thing.” “Yeah. Don’t go there.” “Look, just because you want your best friend to bang the backside out of you doesn’t mean that’s what I’m after,” Gin corrected. “Now, get up.” “You’re really not upset?” “Please. Everyone knows you and Chase are like PB and J. You just fit. Sure, I lusted after him and if he’d shown the slightest bit of interest, I’d have been on my back faster than a five-dollar hooker.” “You have no shame.” Anne laughed. “And why should I?” Gin curled her lip in derision. “I’ll meet you in the Jacuzzi. The pizza is getting cold.” Anne eased herself out of bed and found she was sorer than she’d originally thought. It hurt to walk. She was suddenly very thankful for the Jacuzzi and for Gin. She riffled through the bag she had yet to unpack and dug out her bathing suit. She was immediately sorry when she put it on. The material clung to her uncomfortably. As soon as Gin left, that puppy was coming off. Anne made her way out through the sliding glass doors in the kitchen. Much as she adored Gin, she wished it were Chase she was getting into the hot tub with. Anne immediately chucked the thought when Gin waved her over and held out a glass of Rosa Regale for her. Anne sank down carefully into the water, loving the feel of the steam and the heat as it lapped at her skin. All of the tension immediately eased out of her and she took a sip of the sparkling red wine. She sighed with bliss. Then crammed almost a whole slice of a Cheese Lover’s pizza into her mouth. “Stuffing your face isn’t going to get you out of talking either,” Gin warned. Anne savored the pizza as she chewed and nodded to Gin. She was like a dog with a meaty bone, that girl was. Wouldn’t leave it alone for a minute in case she missed something. She swallowed and took another sip of wine. “Anne!” “What? Why did you bring the food if you don’t want me to enjoy it?” Anne asked. “I knew I should have held it hostage until you spilled your guts.” “And then you never would have gotten me out of bed.” “Well?” Gin turned the conversation back to Anne’s illicit night with Chase. “To start at the beginning, we need an internet connection.” “Use my phone.” Gin shoved it at her and Anne reluctantly put her wine down.
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She clicked to download the Dreamed Desire app. Anne accessed the app using her password and pulled up one of the videos of Chase. She shoved it back in Gin’s face, bringing her friend eye to eye with her lover’s endowments. “Holy shit kittens, is that what I think it is?” Gin gasped. “Yep. Our darling Dr. Donovan in his birthday suit.” “Doing unspeakable things with his birthday stick. Oh. My. God.” Gin struggled to catch her breath and made little fanning gestures at her face, but it didn’t seem to do any good. Then she straightened and turned her head sideways like a meerkat. “I didn’t know it could do that.” “Me either, girl.” Anne slid deeper into the water and exhaled heavily. “So that’s where all this extra tension came from between you two. You realized he had the swinging dickstick of doom.” Gin laughed. “I didn’t know it was him.” “How could you not? I can’t even see his face and I know it’s him.” Gin was incredulous. “I just didn’t, okay? I was a member of the site for six months before I realized it was him.” “Uh-huh. And he just happened to be the model you’re most intrigued by, to put it gently?” Gin asked. Anne hung her head and heat infused her cheeks. “Even after I knew it was him, I kept going back.” “I ask again, how could you not?” Gin giggled and then paused, distracted by what was on the screen. “Wow.” “So then seeing the fantasy in the flesh, things were different. I thought I could handle it. But the dance?” “I know!” Gin squealed. “You guys were hot. No two ways about it. You were completely in your own world, but didn’t you notice the people around you started dancing like that? I thought for sure people were going to start having sex right there on the dance floor.” “If he would have wanted to, I doubt I would have been able to say no.” “That wasn’t beer on his jeans, was it?” Gin asked, another giggle brewing. “Nope. And if you ever bring that up again, I will have to kill you.” “But he took the blame. Such a gentleman.” “I wanted to die. In fact, I’m still embarrassed.” “Whatever. You got off on his leg like a St. Bernard. So what?” Gin struggled not to laugh. “Shut up, you’re horrible.” “I know.” She sighed. “I’m jealous too. I’m just awful.” “No, I’m awful. I should have told you about the site and my feelings for him.” 38
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“Anne, you still don’t know what they are yourself, I can tell by the look on your face. I don’t hold it against you. But with you and Chase, you’re both always first in each other’s lives. That’s something to think about.” “What if I lose him, Gin?” “Then I’ll be there to snatch him right up.” She flashed a devilish smile. “Seriously, you’re not going to lose him. There might be some growing pains, but you’ll come through it. I promise.” “I don’t deserve you.” “No, I don’t think you do.” Gin smirked. “Why do I surround myself with people who have an answer for everything?” She took another long drink of her wine. Gin lowered her voice to a faux whisper. “Because you’re one of them.” They both laughed. Anne noticed her fingers were getting pruny but she didn’t care. “Bubbles. I need more bubbles.” “What you need is to kick Gin’s butt into gear,” Seth said from the doorway. Anne shrieked. “Is there a conspiracy to kill me? You hear of knocking? Or you know, calling?” She took a deep breath. “That’s my fault, Anne. I told him to pick me up here.” Gin looked sheepish. “Then there’s the fact if I called, you’d know I was coming. Gin said you’d be in the hot tub. I didn’t know if maybe you two were feeling experimental…” He let the rest of the sentence hang. “Huh?” Gin asked. Anne remembered that it was Seth who’d helped design the supplement. “Why? Does it make you feel experimental?” she shot back at him. “Yeah, kind of.” He smirked. Anne’s eyes widened but she quickly gained her composure. “Well, if you’re secure enough to experiment, dinner theater shouldn’t be a big deal.” “Not that experimental.” Seth snorted. “Wait, did you think you’d catch Gin and I doing something…else?” He shrugged and nodded knowingly. “That drug is pretty powerful.” “How do you know… Oh.” Anne colored as she realized the blond on the site was him. The other guy had to be their friend Justin. “What are you talking about?” Gin raised a brow and looked back and forth between Seth and Anne. “Yeah, oh,” he repeated. The shy Seth Grayson was gone and in his place stood a man who was very sure of himself and what he had to offer. Chase had obviously told Seth about what had happened. And that she knew about the site.
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“Damn Chase for telling you.” Anne blushed again. “I’m still not catching this. Someone explain it to me,” Gin demanded. No way was Anne going to tell her it was Seth on the site. She was sure Gin would explore it more later on her own anyway, and when Gin realized she actually knew everyone, it might propel her to take that step with Seth. And Anne could stop feeling bad about hooking up with Chase. “When you grow up, little Gin-bug, I’ll tell you all about it,” Seth promised. Gin waded closer to Seth and propped herself up on the ledge, allowing the edge of the Jacuzzi to push her breasts up. “I’ll have you know I’m grown now. In case it escaped your notice, your ‘I’m smarter than you’ shtick is getting old. That’s why you don’t get laid.” “What?” he asked, obviously entranced by her cleavage. “See, it doesn’t matter how smart they are. It all comes down to boobies.” Gin shrugged. “Gee, Anne. You could show him yours and he’d fall over dead.” Anne glared at Gin. “Actually, Seth, I was wondering. Gin was telling me she had a rash of a most intimate nature. Maybe she needs an exam. Do you think you could help her with that?” “Maybe I could. But I wouldn’t want her to think I was trying to be smarter than her.” “That’s not even a good retort.” Gin scowled. “Oh, baby. I like it when you use your words,” Seth teased. “Go away. I’ll be out in a minute.” “I think not. Remember the Ozzy concert? ‘I’ll be right out’ turned into three hours. Not a chance.” “What, are you going to watch me dress?” “Maybe I will,” Seth threatened. “You have to at least buy me dinner if you wanna get that show,” she grumbled. “That’s why it’s called dinner theater.” “Those were Justin’s tickets. You didn’t buy anything.” Anne realized that their banter was much like hers and Chase’s. Too bad Gin couldn’t see it. “I promise she’ll be in to get ready in five minutes.” “So that means we’ll actually be able to leave in six hours.” Seth looked at his watch. “Right on time.” He turned and went back in the house. “Why does everyone give me grief because I want to look nice?” Gin groused. “Because you’re kind of a space cadet and you get distracted. Seth and Chase both hate to be late anywhere.” “It’s not like I set out to be late.” “I know.” She quickly hugged Gin. “Now, get out. You have to get ready.”
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“Are you going to tell me what you guys were talking about?” “No. I think you’ll have more fun figuring it out for yourself.” “I don’t like that wicked gleam in your eyes, wench,” Gin said. “Then stop looking at it. Your knight with the shining speculum awaits.” Gin spat her last gulp of wine out into the yard. “Did you really go there?” “I think I did.” “Are you drunk?” “No, I only had two glasses.” “That was a whole bottle.” “You’re the one who brought three,” Anne teased. “No, really. I’m not tipsy in the least. All the grease and pizza sucked it up like a sponge.” “I’m not interested in Seth,” Gin clarified. “Okay.” “Really.” “Really, okay.” “Seriously.” “Who are you trying convince? Me or yourself?” Anne asked. “Shut up.” “Then get your butt in gear before he comes out here again.” “I don’t know why he’s here so early. We have six hours.” “Maybe he wants to take you to eat first.” Anne grinned. “It’s dinner theater.” “The food probably sucks.” “Or he thinks he’s going to get laid,” Gin mused. “Come on, you know Seth isn’t like that.” “Well, why isn’t he? Fucking is simple. That makes sense to me,” Gin said with a pout. “I don’t understand him.” “Why are you trying to understand him? I thought you didn’t like him.” “Shut. Up.” Gin splashed her and climbed out of the tub. Anne just laughed as Gin padded into the house. When Anne was sure she’d heard the telltale sound of Seth’s car pulling out of the driveway sometime later, she ripped her bathing suit off and flung it onto the deck. She turned the jets on high and relaxed with another soul-deep sigh. She reached for more pizza and refilled her glass of Rosa Regale. All was as right as it could be at the moment. If she didn’t take into account she’d left her towel in the kitchen.
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Chapter Six A naked and dripping Anne was doing exactly shit for his resolve to forget what had happened between them. Not that he could actually forget living out his fantasy in the kitchen or forget it had been better than anything he’d dreamed of, but for the sake of their friendship, Chase had decided he had to put it out of his head. He’d been around the block more than once. He’d had friends with benefits, but Anne deserved better than that from anyone she was with. He hadn’t been able to think, all the blood that should have been powering his brain diverted to keeping his cock hard. And today, he couldn’t stop thinking about her, remembering the taste of her on his lips, the feel of her breasts and the way her sweet cunt had clenched around him as she’d whispered for him to fuck her. Something he’d only ever heard in his wildest fantasies. Those words could have been dirty and crude, but they weren’t. On her lips, they were intimate and soft, only for him. Now she stood before him, the ends of her dark hair clinging in damp ringlets around her shoulders, a stark contrast against her skin, which was pink from the heat of the Jacuzzi. Droplets of water sluiced between the valley of her perfect breasts, over the flat plane of her belly and down the long length of those legs that had been so recently wrapped around his waist. Her full lips parted in a tiny gasp and she blushed but didn’t try to hide her nakedness. Chase struggled to draw his eyes up to her face, but he couldn’t. He’d been looking into the depths of her eyes for years and this was a vision he’d never get enough of. Chase memorized the curve of her hips, the delicate, dark triangle at the apex of her thighs, the dark-rose nipples that were tight and hard, begging for his mouth. This was more beautiful and more sensual than he’d ever imagined her. Chase knew he should speak, or look away, but his mouth was dry and words had failed him. “I forgot my towel,” she offered in a hoarse voice. “Sorry I’m getting the floor wet.” Anne put a hand out, bracing herself on the kitchen island. The place where he’d had her on her back, tasted between her thighs and spilled inside her. He ached, wanted her again more than anything. All his careful resolve crumbled to dust. “You’re beautiful,” he whispered. She took a tentative step toward him but he was still frozen. Anne seemed unsure of what to do herself. Perhaps the previous night had only been because of the supplement and she didn’t want him?
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He even half hoped that was the case. Because this need that blazed between them, it changed everything. That thought sobered him enough to draw his stare up to her face and the shy look in her eyes. She swept her lashes down suddenly, as if she were afraid to meet his gaze, and she took another careful step toward him. “Really?” she asked as she bit her lip. Of their own volition, his fingers ghosted down her arm. “Stop fishing for compliments.” Normally his remark would be some slick beginning of banter, but he sounded as if the words choked him. “Then stop being stingy with them,” she teased. “Anne, I think we have to talk about what happened.” “Why?” The moment was broken and she pushed past him to grab her towel. “Because we’re friends. We’re roommates.” “Meaning?” She wrapped the towel around herself like a cocoon. It had become her armor, hardening that inviting softness previously on display. “I don’t want to lose our friendship, Anne.” “How about we forget it happened? That’s what you said after our dance. It wasn’t a big deal. So don’t make it one.” “Because I know you’re not a person who can do that. I know you have to analyze every little thing that happened and then you have to beat each thing to death and then some. That’s just how you’re wired.” He took her hand. “I don’t want to be the guy on the other end of that. I don’t want to be the one you’re calling Gin about because I’m your best friend. I’m good at being your best friend.” Chase didn’t say the other thing that was on the tip of his tongue. Yes, he was good at being her best friend, but what he wasn’t good at was being in a relationship. The only thing that could be a priority was medical school, and no woman wanted to be second to anything. “I’m not calling Gin up and sniveling over what happened.” “That’s not what I meant. See, things have already changed.” “Chase…” She paused. “Nothing has changed. We’re still friends. You’re still my best friend. I just happened to like looking at you naked. I’m not seeing anyone right now and the site fills a need. I thought women were the ones who were supposed to have trouble compartmentalizing?” She made a quick exit to her room, intending to have the last word. But those particular words hit him in the gut. They reminded him that she used the site—and she’d just told him she wasn’t going to stop. Now he had an image of her bringing herself off, and thinking of him while she did it. His cock was already painfully hard, but now he was losing brain function because all he could think about was following her into her room and taking her at her word. Bending her over the bed and filling her every way she could possibly imagine. 43
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Chase found himself in her bedroom doorway before he could stop himself. “What are you proposing?” She dropped her towel and stepped into a pair of purple, lacy boy shorts. He was hypnotized by the bounce of her breasts with every motion, her nipples tight and hard. “I’m not proposing anything, Chase. If nothing has changed, why would I?” She smiled softly, the same smile she gave him when she knew she’d won a point. He’d said he didn’t want them to change, but they already had. “So, you can look at me every day and not remember what happened in the kitchen?” “I don’t want to forget, but I’m not going to pick at it. Are you?” “No.” But he would, because he was picking at it now. “Look, I meant what I said earlier. What’s a little fucking between friends? It’s just making each other feel good, right?” She was using his own words, but somehow they sounded accusatory out of her mouth. “Shouldn’t friends want each other to feel good?” Anne grinned this time. “All this bullshit aside, nothing is worth losing you. Not even living out my fantasies,” he confessed. She still hadn’t dressed. “Your mouth says one thing, Chase. But your eyes and your cock say something else. If I told you right now that it could never happen again, what would you do?” “Besides know that you’re right?” “A real answer, Chase. Or can’t you give me one because you’re too busy looking at my tits?” “It’s not fair to expect anyone to form a coherent thought with tits like those in their face.” She smiled. “They never bothered you before.” “Jesus, Anne. Then I’m a better actor than I thought. I saved my lunch money for a week to give to Jennifer Eisler so she’d call our names together for Seven in Heaven.” She made no move to cover herself. “So what happened, Chase?” “You told me you’d never had a boyfriend. No one’s first is ever their last.” He’d as much as confessed he’d wanted to be her last. Shit. He couldn’t say things like that. Not now. “Then it passed. We were friends. Best friends.” “And now you have medical school and I have my career.” It both thrilled and dismayed him that she understood. He’d had this picture of her pining for him, and if he was honest with himself, he kind of wanted it to be true. And finding out it wasn’t… “I want things to be as they were,” Anne said. Then why, for fuck’s sake, wouldn’t she put on a shirt? He was standing in the doorway practically slavering over her, and she was talking about things being as they were.
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“But I want to keep fucking you too.” If his cock got any harder, it was going to splinter in half. “Chase,” she moved closer to grab his hand, “I don’t want to lose our friendship either. But I think we will if we don’t explore this. It happened. There’s no turning back. We can go forward and choose the parameters of our friendship and if that ends up being the closeness we’ve always had, where we laugh about that ‘experimental’ time after college, so be it. But this isn’t going to go away.” Now that he had permission, Chase made no attempt to stop his gaze from raking down her body, and he was pleased to see the same hunger in her eyes. Maybe she was right? He reached out to touch her face, his palm cupping her cheek and his thumb sliding over the fullness of her lips. Chase meant it to be an affectionate caress, but the contact with her skin burned away all of his good intentions, few though they were to begin with, and he drew his hand down the slim column of her throat to the valley between her breasts. “Think about it, Chase.” “I am,” he confessed. She laughed and slapped his hand away. “No, really think about it. So we don’t have any regrets. We can talk after Justin’s party.” “I thought he had that dinner theater thing?” “He does, but his frat is having a party after. It’s high-school themed.” Anne shook her head. “We spent years trying to forget it and now they want us to relive it. I think it’s just for the sex games.” “What?” Chase didn’t think he was hearing her correctly. “You know, Spin the Bottle? Seven in Heaven? Truth or Dare?” “And we’re going to this? I could be studying and you could be painting, but instead we’re going to hang out with a bunch of drunken frat boys?” “Don’t you want to see what it will be like to be stuck in a closet with me now?” She sat down on the bed. “We have perfectly good closets here.” As a grown man, he didn’t see the appeal. She rolled her eyes but since she was still topless, it didn’t have the same effect. “You don’t have to go. But I think it will be fun. Remember that last game of Truth or Dare on the senior trip?” “When we snuck into Ms. Jeffrey’s room and found her vibrators?” Anne laughed. “Yeah, that one thing was like a moped. I swear to God, it had to run on rocket fuel. And Doug and Aaron had a sword fight with them?” “Poor woman. Remember when she caught them? She just walked past them like she didn’t even see what they were doing, but told us we’d all better be in bed in ten minutes.”
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“I can’t imagine how embarrassed she was. I’d die. Or pray for death. We were little shits.” “And you want to go relive this?” “Sure. Why not? And Justin asked me to go.” “You just want to get Gin and Seth in a closet together.” “That too.” Anne nodded. “So, if you don’t want to go in the closet, maybe we’ll go into the Truth or Dare room and I’ll dare you to do something, like kiss Justin.” Chase raised a brow. The idea didn’t appeal to him, but making Anne blush did. So did turning her on. One mouth was much the same as another. If it would make Anne hot, he’d kiss anyone she told him to. “Would you like that?” “Maybe.” She bit her lip and her cheeks colored, as he knew they would. Yeah, she liked that a lot. “There’ve been hundreds of requests on Dreamed Desire for some man-on-man action. Were you one of those? Who do you want to see me with?” He sat down on the bed and leaned into her, brushing his lips across the pulse in her throat. “Tell me your fantasy.” She wrapped her arms around him and arched against his mouth. “I thought you were going to think about things?” “I have been thinking about them, Anne.” He stroked his knuckles down the curve of her breast. “I can’t stop thinking about them.” Anne turned on the bed to straddle him and braced her palms on his shoulders. “Maybe you should be telling me your fantasy, Chase?” “You gave me my fantasy last night.” She moaned softly and her nails scored his back as she clung tighter. “We should stop so I have time to get ready.” But she made no move to push him away. “Fuck that. Stay here with me.” “Why?” Anne pressed her lips against his neck, returning his caress. “Because I asked.” “As my best friend or my lover?” She rolled her hips, grinding against him. “Both.”
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Chapter Seven How he expected things not to change was beyond Anne. Already he was asking to be treated differently than her other friends. She’d promised she’d go to the party and Chase wanted her to ditch it to spend time with him. He wanted her to choose him over their other friends. How was she supposed to know where the line was? It was hard to make the right decisions when his hands were scorching her skin. “If we’re just friends, why do you get priority over a promise I made?” Her question was serious, but her tone was light, teasing. He dipped his head to her breast, his mouth hot and hungry on her nipple. “I want what I want, when I want it, Anne. And so do you,” he murmured around the tightened bud, completely unrepentant. Anne pushed her fingers through his hair to tug him away from her breast. “Chase, as good as this is, I mean it. I want to fuck you, but we have to set some ground rules.” “Only if we talk about it in the hot tub.” “Only if you keep your hands to yourself.” “That’s not fair.” He laughed as he lowered his mouth toward her breast again. “Life rarely is.” Anne knew they loved each other, but they weren’t in love. And she wanted the physical part of a relationship and knew Chase did too, but that’s where the waters got muddy. If they didn’t want the rest of the trappings of a relationship, where were the lines? She knew he had to keep filming for Dreamed Desire, but there were shoots of him with other women. Could she handle knowing that her sex partner wasn’t just hers? Or would it matter because they’d always been best friends? Anne hadn’t been jealous watching him on the site, but did that change when he was fucking her too? Did she have the right to say she didn’t want to share him? Anne wished she had definitive answers for those questions but she didn’t, and she was very aware that while some things sounded perfectly reasonable on paper, they weren’t always applicable in real life. “I was in the hot tub for way too long earlier. I’m going to be all scaly if you make me get in again.” “Dr. Donovan prescribes another leisurely soak and a full-body rubdown with the lotion of your choice.” Anne watched the easy smile light his face and it struck something inside her. Something she didn’t want to acknowledge. Her fingers were still twisting in the dark locks of hair that hung over his collar. 47
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Jesus, his mouth was made of sin no matter what expression he wore on his face. “And if you get in the tub, I’ll go with you to that party.” His hands were still on her hips and she was having trouble thinking about anything besides the hard ridge of his cock against her pussy. She was still a bit sore from the night previous, even after the soak, but Chase was a drug and she’d take another hit any way she could get it. “I thought you had to study?” “I’ll study later and sleep when I’m dead.” He eased to the edge of the bed with Anne still wrapped around him and stood, taking her with him. She squealed and clung more tightly, loving the play of muscles rippling under her fingers. “No,” she squeaked. “I can’t get in with just my panties. I want to wear them tonight.” “Fine. You don’t need them anyway.” “I thought you said you were going to keep your hands to yourself?” Anne was having a hard time with that herself. Part of her just wanted to say “fuck it all” and go with whatever happened, no matter the consequences. “You’re right.” He deposited her on the mattress. “Better find your suit.” “I left it outside.” Her cheeks colored and she felt stupid for being embarrassed. After everything they’d already done together, Chase knowing she’d been outside naked wasn’t even a drop in the bucket. “I’ll meet you in the tub.” He winked at her. Anne changed out on the deck, feeling exquisitely naughty. She liked feeling so brazen and exposed. After all, getting caught naked had already had its perks. She was definitely going to hold him to his promise of the rubdown. Her skin would be as flaky as a good pie crust after a second dip. The water was still perfect but it didn’t soothe her as she’d hoped. Anne was tempted to use the jets for a quick one-off so she could at least maintain rational thought with Chase in the hot tub. But he was faster. He emerged from the house only seconds after she’d decided to appropriate the jets for licentious use. Anne was sure she’d had blinders on growing up as she took in his body. How had she slept comfortably next to that during their secret sleepovers in high school? How had she cuddled up next to him on movie nights and not noticed his biceps? The broad plane of his chest? That jaw that was like granite? Or his cock, tool of the devil that it was, engineered specifically to make her pussy ache every time she thought of it. He was so obviously and deliciously hard, his Speedo doing nothing to hide his generous gifts.
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She bit her lip and was reminded again that if she kept doing that, especially looking at Chase, she was going to bite it right off. He slid into the water next to her, his arms spread like wings on the edge of the hot tub. “So, you wanted to talk?” Anne was unexpectedly tongue-tied. Even though she reminded herself that this was just Chase. She’d always been able to tell him anything. But he was suddenly the popular jock and she felt like the girl with glasses and braces in the corner, reading Byron and dreaming that the poet wore his face. It was stupid. So, she blurted, “Will you tell me about the site?” “What do you want to know?” Chase met her gaze squarely. “Everything?” Anne laughed. “I want details. It kind of hurt that you didn’t think you could tell me.” “The same way that you didn’t think you could tell me you’d been using said site?” Chase admonished with another smirk. “Okay, I see your point.” She blushed. “That still embarrasses you, even though I’ve already seen parts of you even you haven’t seen?” “Yeah, kind of. That’s not something I’ve ever shared with anyone.” “That you jill off to me?” He sounded so pleased with himself. There was the Chase she knew so well, the confident man so sure of his own appeal, but she couldn’t let him one-up her. “I didn’t only jill off to you, Chase. I objectified you. I used you like a stripper would a new pole,” Anne said boldly with a smile. When she saw the hard set of his jaw and the muscle tic in his cheek, she knew she’d won that round, but she couldn’t resist going for the bonus point. “Even after I stopped using the site, I couldn’t stop imagining you, or innocent things we’d done together, and what they could have been. Sleeping in the same bed on our senior trip, the warmth of our bodies together in the dark. It was so cold and sometimes I wish we’d done other things to warm up. I wish my first time had been with you, too.” He wasn’t about to be outdone. “Every video I’ve posted on Dreamed Desire, I was thinking of you.” She gasped in surprise. All of that want, the lust she’d seen in his eyes when he’d finally shown his face—it was all for her. It made her clench her thighs together, hard, as if that could stop the onslaught of need that throbbed in her cunt. “Are you saying that to one-up me, or are you saying it because it’s true?” she asked, biting her bottom lip in anticipation. How had this already careened so far off course? This was supposed to be a discussion about boundaries, but instead of setting any, they were bulldozing through them.
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“I would tell you to come here and see for yourself, but we promised we wouldn’t touch.” His mouth curved in a seductive smile. “Keep taunting me, Chase Donovan, and just see what you get.” “This was your idea, sweetheart.” “You’re the one who said you wanted to be in here with me.” “You’re the one who demanded we take a hands-off approach.” He made a gesture as if he were helpless against her. “You’re the one who gave in to my demands.” “I’m not made of stone,” he tossed back lightly, gliding across the space between them to illustrate his point. “I beg to differ,” Anne taunted and moistened her lips. His gaze zeroed in on her mouth. Just as he bent his head to kiss her, Gin and Seth barreled through the door with wine and four glasses and Chase jerked away from her. “Dang, Anne. Have you been in there since we left?” Gin asked as she pulled off her dress, revealing her cute pink-and-black polka-dot bikini. “You don’t mind if we join you, do you?” She did mind. She minded very much. Anne tried in vain to school her expression. “You do mind?” Seth asked with a raised brow, his hands pausing on his jeans. YES, she wanted to scream, but she couldn’t very well do that. Not at this juncture anyway. “No, not at all. The more the merrier, right?” Anne finally twisted her mouth into a smile. Chase didn’t speak, but tugged Anne close. She ended up sitting between his thighs. Her hands were resting on his knees, and when she leaned back she came into contact with the expanse of his defined abs. The obvious evidence of how he felt about their earlier conversation was pressed against her back. She was thankful neither Gin nor Seth could tell the difference between the blush at Chase’s proximity and skin simply heated by the steam. “You guys are back a little early, huh?” Chase asked neutrally, but Anne could hear the we’re-changing-the-locks-tomorrow in his undertone. Seth shook his head. “Man. It was bad.” “We couldn’t hang,” Gin added. “So you just left Justin there?” Anne asked as she squirmed a bit to find a more comfortable position. “No, he left too,” Seth said with a smirk. “Oh my god, he did not! That’s awful. That poor girl,” Anne said. “No, no. Poor us. Devolved rather quickly. She had a meltdown on stage and there was a food fight, started by this other guy she was cheating on Justin with. It was ugly.” Gin made a face. 50
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“How tacky.” Anne shook her head. “We’ll have to call him and tell him how we never liked her anyway.” She grinned. Chase’s hands were suddenly on her hips, guiding her squirming. She realized she’d been brushing against him rather intimately while trying to get comfortable. Her face flamed again, but doubly so when she discovered what he was doing. He wasn’t moving her for his pleasure—he was doing it for hers. He had her perched over a tiny jet in the seat. It was soft, a light tease as the water pressure moved over her pussy. It was just enough to make her squirm some more. She was torn between wanting to get closer and trying to get away. If it were only she and Chase, she’d have probably crept closer to it herself, just as she’d been planning to do before he’d come outside. Anne needed some relief, so she relaxed into his knowing grasp and begged to any powers that happened to be listening that Gin and Seth would leave soon. It made her feel decadent and naughty to allow Chase to do this while they were in the hot tub with their friends, but Anne figured they’d both understand. Not that either of them would ever hear hide nor hair of this particular escapade, but in theory… A long sigh escaped from her and she spoke quickly. “Isn’t this so relaxing?” “I was going to offer you some wine, Anne, but I don’t think you need it.” Gin peered at her from her seat. “No, Annie doesn’t need any more wine. As it is, I’ll have to carry her to bed,” Chase said, a laugh rumbling deep in his chest. “Hers or yours?” Gin smirked. “Mine, of course. You know she has to pay her rent somehow.” His light words sent shivers down her back and his fingers tightened on the curve of her hips. Anne usually had all manner of comebacks and slick remarks, but the pulsing water between her thighs had silenced her. All she could manage was an agreeable sound and a nod of her head. She was nowhere near intoxicated, but if that’s what it took to get rid of their company, she’d happily play the lush. “Wine can really go to your head with all this heat,” Seth added helpfully. “Gin and I won’t be too long. Although I was hoping to crash on your couch tonight. Who knows when Justin’s party is going to wind down and I’ve got to be up early.” Anne gave a little shiver and struggled not to cry out. The jet felt so good, she wanted to surrender to it, wanted to have Chase’s hands all over her body, to have him fuck her here in the hot tub from behind…then again on the deck. Then— She clamped her legs together. Oh, why weren’t they leaving? Thankfully, Chase shifted her again so she was on his lap and allowed her a brief respite from the manipulation of the jet. Her need for him had intensified, but at least she wasn’t going to come there in front of all of them.
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She let her head fall against his shoulder and her eyes drifted closed as she enjoyed the feel of him. “Gin, I say we take some wine and crash out in the living room for a while. Maybe even go grab a bite so Chase can put Anne to bed.” He looked at Chase. “That is, if you don’t mind us staying.” “No, that’s fine, but I haven’t eaten. It’d be cool if you’d bring me something back.” Leave it to Chase to extend his hospitality and kick them out in the same sentence, all with a finesse that made them think it was a good idea. “Anne can take a quick nap and then we’ll all go to the party.” “Come on, Gin,” Seth said with a nod. “What if I’m not ready?” she pouted. “You’re ready. I heard your stomach growling earlier. It’s not like you ate anything at the performance.” “I couldn’t. Half of it was on the floor,” Gin said. “So, come on. My treat. I did promise you dinner.” “I do appreciate a man who can keep his word.” “I always keep my promises,” Seth said. “Do you?” Gin was quiet for a moment. “Then I suppose I should let you feed me.” “I supposed you should,” he said as he took her hand and tugged her to her feet. “Come on, blondie. We’ll be back in about an hour,” Seth said, this last to Chase pointedly. Anne was hyperaware of the not-so-subtle innuendo in his tone. She felt so obvious about what she wanted, or maybe it was Chase who was obvious? Whatever it was, Seth had picked up on it and was happy to oblige them. As soon as they were through the door, Chase reached over and turned the jets up higher. He maneuvered Anne until she was kneeling, positioned fully over one of the more powerful jets, one arm around her waist to anchor her and his other hand free to rove over her body. “Oh my God, Chase.” “You don’t like this?” he breathed against her neck. “I like it too much!” Chase’s hard cock rubbed the opening of her slit from behind and with the more intense stream of water pounding at her clit, Anne couldn’t stop from crying out. “What about this?” he teased, and thrust against her. He brushed his lips along the back of her neck, grazed his teeth over the tender place between her neck and shoulder. Anne shuddered and rocked back against him to meet the motion of his hips. Somehow, this was more erotic than if he’d actually been inside her. She longed for him to run his hands over her, to cup her breasts and drill into her pussy. But what he was 52
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doing now was slow and sweet, steady. He suckled at her neck, took the flesh lightly between his teeth and then laved it before suckling again. The intensity of her orgasm was already clawing at her, trying to pull her over the edge, but she wasn’t ready. Anne reached back between them but he grabbed her wrist. “Hands to yourself, remember?” She shook as her orgasm neared and tried to close her thighs against the continued onslaught of the hot jet of water hitting her clit. Anne didn’t want the moment to be over, but Chase was determined. He clamped his hands around her thighs and held her legs apart. “I thought you said your hands wouldn’t move,” she cried out. “I lied,” he said, unrepentant. Anne loved him holding her like that, demanding she take her pleasure. She’d fantasized about him this way, although he’d been even more dominant. She’d imagined him as a pirate and herself as a captured slave, bound for whatever he wanted to do to her. He tangled his fist in her hair and angled her head to kiss her, muffling her screams. Climax hit her hard and fast—the bliss intensified by his insistent strength holding her there and pushing her to experience more of the sensation than she would have if she were bringing herself off. She struggled when it became too intense and he pulled her against him. Anne took ragged and gasping breaths as she rested the back of her head on his shoulder while she drifted back to earth. He held her close, his fingers stroking lightly down her arms. “I love watching you come, Annie.” His words made her clench and shudder as another wave of ecstasy took her. “God, Chase. The things you say,” she whispered in a shaky voice. “Should I not say them?” he asked, not a taunt, but serious. “I love that you say them. I don’t ever want there to be anything else we can’t say to each other.” “Look! There’s a rule. One down,” Chase rasped. “Should I make you come for every one?” Anne shivered against him. “If you think you can.” “Little Annie, if that’s a challenge, you’re fucked.” He pulled her tighter against him, his cock still hard. “In every way you can stand it,” Chase promised. It was on the tip of her tongue to tell him to be serious—to really talk. But Anne knew him inside and out and she knew the harder she pushed one way, the harder he’d go the other. They’d agreed there would never be anything they couldn’t tell each other, but Anne immediately thought her promise might be wishful thinking. Already she found herself imagining what it would be like to have a real relationship with him, not just 53
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friends with benefits—and she couldn’t tell him because she knew how he felt about committed relationships. He didn’t want one. Anne wasn’t naïve enough to believe he’d change his mind just because it was her. Even though part of her was starting to wish he would.
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Chapter Eight Hours later, Anne reevaluated her reasoning for coming to the party. She felt awkward and out of place. It would have been more fun to stay at home and spend time with Chase. Or maybe it was just that she was more intrigued by a man who put off his own orgasm, like some kind of Tantric god, than by a bunch of beer-swilling, fart-lighting frat boys. Though she was embarrassed to admit that when a guy surrounded by a bunch of whey-faced freshmen did that very thing, she laughed and found it just as funny as she had in middle school. “Where did you run off to? Sneak back to the house for a quickie with Chase?” Gin asked as she handed her a beer. “The smoke was too thick, I had to go outside.” “Or was that just where Chase went?” “Will you drop it?” Gin rolled her eyes. “No. I’m living vicariously. You can expect me to be making cracks from now until shit sticks to the moon.” Anne smirked. “I guess that’s fair, considering you’re not getting any.” Gin eyed her carefully for a long moment. “You know if he goes in the Truth or Dare room, he’s fair game? I can’t pass up the only chance I’ll ever have to lip-lock with him,” she said lightly. “Unless, you know, that bothers you. I mean, you haven’t said you’re together…” She spoke each word of the last sentence slowly, as if she were explaining to Anne that a round piece would not fit into a square hole. Did it bother her? Anne didn’t know. Her gut reaction was to say that it did, to be possessive and territorial, but she and Chase had no claim on each other. “Why would it bother me?” Anne forced a smile. Gin was doing the good girlfriend thing. Especially considering how long she’d been crushing on him. “You know I can smell that from here, right?” Gin rolled her eyes again. She’d been doing that so much lately, Anne was sure she’d have to be dizzy by now. Or on the next roll, they’d roll right out of her head. “Smell what?” “The bullshit. You screwed up your face like you did when I made you try that pizza with cauliflower crust. Admit it—you don’t want me or anyone else putting their lips anywhere near Chase Donovan.” “I don’t give a shit what you do, Gin. But Seth might.”
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“Will you let that go?” “If you stop making cracks about me and Chase.” “Fine.” Gin huffed. “But I want you to say it. Say you don’t want me to kiss him.” “I already said I don’t care,” Anne repeated, but as soon as the words were out of her mouth, she wanted to take them back. She didn’t. Anne wasn’t sure about her feelings and she wasn’t ready to deal with any of it. “But don’t expect me to waste my dare on you. I already told Chase if he wants to try to one-up me, I’ll dare him to kiss Justin.” Gin grabbed her shoulder hard and crossed her legs as if she were doing the potty dance. “What are you doing?” Anne couldn’t help but laugh at her friend’s pose. “Not Justin. Seth. God, wouldn’t that be hot?” Anne licked her lips. Yeah, it would be hot—and thinking of them sharing a kiss, she felt none of the jealousy she did when imagining Chase with Gin. Anne was officially an asshole. She hated feeling jealous and guilty and… “You still didn’t tell me what you’re doing.” “Creaming my panties.” “TMI, Gin.” “You know if we dare them to kiss, they’re going to dare us. If they don’t dare us first, actually.” Anne flashed back to her earlier conversation with Chase. “It’s more socially acceptable for us to make out than it is for them.” But she knew he’d do it if she wanted him to, if that’s what got her off. Gin giggled. “Yeah, and you know it’s pretty good for my ego to know we’d be spank-bank material for both of them. So where is your knight in fuck-me armor?” “I’m not sure.” Anne looked around the room. “I notice you didn’t correct me.” Gin raised a brow. “In the four years I’ve known you, it’s always been futile.” “Come on, let’s go to the Seven in Heaven room.” Anne wondered again if maybe this was a bad idea, but trudged up the steps and through the throng of people milling about the door labeled “Seven in Heaven”. Looking at the names of the games on the doors, Anne realized it would have been more honest just to label them Orgy Room 1, 2, etc., instead of Seven in Heaven, Truth or Dare, Spin the Bottle… She downed the beer as Gin dragged her into the room. Anne immediately spotted Chase across the room. There was a guy on a karaoke machine who grinned when he saw Gin. “Next up, by popular demand, Gin Ettinger and Chase Donovan!”
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“I guess it won’t be in the Truth or Dare room after all. Are you sure this is okay?” Gin whispered, the gleam in her eye daring Anne to say no. It was on the tip of her tongue to say just that, but Anne reminded herself there was no commitment between her and Chase, nor was there likely to be. And it was just a stupid kiss in a closet. It didn’t matter. “Go for it. Maybe I’ll find Seth and have my turn with him.” Gin pouted. “You can’t have both of them.” “What’s good for the goose, doll-face.” Anne hated herself a little bit. She knew how much Gin liked Seth and how good they’d be together, even if Gin wasn’t ready to admit it. No, she thought. She wasn’t going to hate herself. She was exploring her options. If it was okay in Gin’s mind for her to go slobber all over Chase, knowing there was something between him and Anne, why wasn’t turnabout fair play? “If you don’t want me to, you could just say so…” Gin’s voice was almost a singsong. Like she wanted Anne to tell her no. What was Gin playing at? “Who can’t have them both?” Anne replied, reminding her friend she knew Gin wanted Seth just as Anne wanted Chase. “Whatever.” Gin downed her drink. “This is your last chance to tell me no.” Anne couldn’t open her mouth, but it didn’t matter. She refused to say it. Even when Gin pushed her way through the crowd toward the closet—toward Chase, who stared back at Anne, his face a mask. Anne felt sick, jealous and angry. It made her stomach feel overly full and empty at the same time. She breathed deeply. She had to let go of this. Chase wasn’t her boyfriend. They were just friends. So maybe she couldn’t do this whole friends-with-benefits thing. Anne didn’t know why she thought she could. Chase was right again. No, that was bullshit. She wasn’t going to let him one-up her on this too. She refused to be the simple girl who got stars in her eyes just because she had an orgasm. “So, looks like Gin finally got a piece of Chase, huh?” Seth said quietly against her ear, seeming to appear from nowhere. Anne wondered if he’d heard her comment about taking a turn. She blushed. “I guess so.” She nodded grimly. “You’re okay with this?” Seth sounded disgusted. “Sure. Why not?” Her voice sounded tinny, even to her. “You’re a horrible liar, Anne.” “Chase and I are not together. He can do what he likes. So can Gin, for that matter.” “And so can you.” “What does that mean?” 57
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it.”
“It means maybe we should take our turn in the closet and see how they feel about
The idea appealed to Anne. After all, she’d threatened Gin with that very thing. “Sure. Why not?” “Good. Gin paid that guy a twenty to call them together. We’ll see how she likes a dose of her own medicine.” Seth started making his way through the crowd toward the emcee. “What are you doing, Gin?” Chase asked softly when the door closed behind them. There was no denying Gin was sexy as hell, but he’d never been interested in her as anything but a friend. Anne’s just a friend too, a little voice in the back of his head reminded him. Yeah, she was a friend. But she was also something more. He didn’t really have words for what Anne meant to him. “What am I doing? You’re the one who came in here with me,” Gin replied tartly. “Because I want to know what kind of crazy you’re on. I thought Anne’s friendship was more important to you than getting a piece of me?” She sighed. “You’re both half-stupid.” “Excuse me?” Chase asked, unsure he’d heard her correctly. “It’s been so obvious from day one that you guys are perfect for each other. I told her that she’d be fucking you blue before the month was out, and here you are. I know you’ve been wearing her kitty out.” Gin smirked. “But listen…she loves you.” “I love her too,” Chase responded easily. “No, dumbshit. She’s in love with you. Do you know the difference?” The possibility that Anne could be in love with him punched Chase in the gut like a wrecking ball. “Did she tell you this?” he asked in a measured tone. “No, but she didn’t have to. I don’t think she knows it herself, or if she does, she isn’t ready to deal with it.” “Then I say again, if you’re her friend and you know she loves me, why did you set this up? Why come in here with me?” He heard her sigh heavily. “So she’d realize she can’t stand the thought of seeing you with another woman. Or, so you would make out with me and Anne would know you aren’t the kind of guy who can be counted on for anything more than a fuck.” “Speaking of fucks, Gin, did you stop to consider you may have fucked this up irreparably?” “I did. That’s why I gave her every chance in the world to come to her senses and admit her feelings before I came in here. I practically dared her to tell me not to.”
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“You know Anne is the most stubborn woman to ever walk the earth. The more you want her to do something one way, the more likely it is she’ll take the longer, harder road.” “I know, which is why this called for something drastic. Don’t screw this up, Chase. I don’t care what kind of conversation you two have had about what you’re doing together, and I don’t give a shit what Anne’s told you. This is more to her than casual fucking. If you don’t love her, stop this, okay? Otherwise, you’re going to break her heart and your friendship.” “Gin, I—” “I don’t want your explanation. I just want you to take care of your business and not hurt Anne while you’re doing it.” The bright light of the room suddenly spilled inside the closet, but it illuminated more than the space around them. It lit up Chase, too. Knowing that Anne loved him—was in love with him—flipped some hidden switch. But it wasn’t just turning on a light; it was like turning on the sun. It was warm and sweet—but it burned, too. There was a very real possibility that no matter what he did, Chase could still lose her. And he loved her. But she deserved better than what he had to offer right now. He was a medical student buried in loans who had to cyberwhore to even put a roof over his head. Her head, too. Anne already knew all about that, but from previous experience, Chase knew just how little his reasons for appearing on the site meant when it came to the parameters of a relationship. Maybe Anne did love him, and he loved her…but would it be enough? When the door opened, Anne didn’t want to look. She didn’t want that image of Gin and Chase together. Her mouth swollen from his kiss, her hair mussed…a satisfied, confident grin on Chase’s face. But that’s wasn’t what she saw. Instead, Chase’s gaze sought her out, and when it found her, the look on his face softened. Then her name was called and the soft look on Chase’s face changed to something she didn’t recognize as Anne allowed rough hands to propel her into the closet. This was nothing like how it had been in middle school and high school. She wasn’t nervous at all. Surprisingly, the closet smelled of lemonade. “Now what?” Anne whispered into the dark. Seth’s hands settled on her hips. “Well, I did lay down fifty bucks. I don’t think a little bit of lip action is out of line.” “Fifty?” she squeaked.
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“Yeah. Chase had paid twenty to get called with you too. But I had more cash.” Pleasure over the fact that Chase had wanted to be locked in a closet with her warred with irritation that he’d thought she’d just tra-la-la down the primrose path, eager for whatever he wanted to give her, right after he’d sucked face with Gin. Well, fuck him. “Let’s stop talking about them so I can pay my tab.” He laughed, sliding one hand all the way up her spine and cupping the back of her head, the other pressing her hard against him. Seth was a wall of muscle. Leaner than Chase, but just as defined. Being crushed against his chest was not unpleasant. She twined her arms around his neck and found his shoulders to be just as solid as Chase’s and almost as broad. His hands were hot, burning her skin, tugging awake the familiar ache between her thighs. Seth tilted her head back in a smooth motion and brought his lips close to hers, their breath mingling for a moment as expectation built. When his mouth finally took hers, it was nothing like what she’d expected. His kiss was demanding and all alpha male. Images of things she’d seen on Dreamed Desire flashed through her mind and Anne’s hands wandered from around his neck to the hard muscle of his back. He hauled her up against him, guiding her legs around his waist then bracing his forearm beneath her ass. He pushed her against the wall for leverage. This wasn’t as unexpected as becoming aware of Chase, but it was a surprise that touching Seth and being touched by him felt as good as it did. His cock was hard on her thigh, and again, he was packing as much firepower as Chase. Unbidden, naughty fantasies of watching Chase and Seth together crashed into her awareness and made her all the more wet. Her nipples were so tight, begging to be touched, stroked, sucked. She arched her back, jutting her breasts forward for his attention. Seth bent his head— And the door was flung open—and everyone in the room saw just how very far their seven minutes had gone. They broke apart, both panting. Clapping, catcalling and howling ensued, egging them on, and the emcee closed the door again. They were both silent for what seemed like ages, but logically, Anne knew it had only been a couple of seconds. “Did you get your fifty’s worth?” Anne asked lightly. “And then some,” he admitted. “We’d be good together if we weren’t in love with other people.” “I’m not—” But she was. It was time to stop lying to herself. She felt no pangs of jealousy thinking of Seth with Gin. Or Seth with any other woman. He was her friend. She liked him. She’d felt passion with him. They could have
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been very good friends with benefits and no-strings wouldn’t have been a problem. He’d made her body sing the same way Chase had, yet it wasn’t the same. Motherfucker. There was no more dying it. She was head over ass in love with Chase Donovan.
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Chapter Nine She fled the closet as if it were on fire, barely registering the people she shoved out of her way. Anne didn’t know where she was going, all that mattered was getting out of the frat house. It had been a stupid idea to come. It had been even stupider to have crossed that line with Chase and then, when given the opportunity to quietly back into safer territory, barrel forward, stomping on land mines as she went. Anne was in such a hurry to get out of there, she didn’t see the brick wall of Chase in front of her. He caught her against his chest. “This is just like middle school too. Leaving the dance in tears?” “I’m not crying,” she growled. And if she had been, she wouldn’t have told him about it. He tilted her chin up with his fingers. “Didn’t have a good time with Seth?” Anne couldn’t determine whether he actually cared or if he was being cruel. “Or did you have too good a time?” Chase leaned closer and whispered, “Did he get you ready for me?” His words were a thousand needles on her skin. They made it crystal clear he wasn’t emotionally invested, and likely wasn’t going to be. She was just a place to put his cock. As much as that should have made her want to put space between them, she wanted to take what she could get even more. He’d maneuvered them outside before she realized it and his hands on her hips were scorching her through her jeans. Chase led her to a small shed and pulled her inside. Anne knew she should push him away, tell him to stop. That she couldn’t do this because being with him meant more to her than it did him, but she couldn’t find the words. “Tell me about it, Anne.” He bent his head to her throat. “Did he kiss you here? Does it make you hot to think of me tasting his mouth on you?” He fastened his mouth to the tender curve between her shoulder and neck. She tightened her grip on his shoulders and tilted her head back to offer more. His hands slid down to cup her ass and press her hard against him, and she could feel his thick cock. “Have you imagined taking us both?”
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Anne gasped as the forbidden imagery spurred her need. “What about you, Chase? Did Gin make you hard?” She slipped her hand down to unbutton his jeans and free his cock. “Yes.” His hands were beneath her shirt now, filled with her breasts. “Because when her hot little tongue was swiping against my lips, I imagined it doing the same to your clit.” “Chase!” She gasped again as another wave of heat flooded her pussy. “It’s only fantasy, right?” He made small whorls over her nipples with his thumbs. “Imagining us together was only fantasy too.” She pushed his jeans down his hips. “I didn’t like that you went in the closet with Gin,” Anne confessed against his mouth before she could stop herself. “And if we’re going to keep doing this, I want to be exclusive.” He pushed her up on a worktable, tugging her jeans and panties off as he knelt in front of her. “You should have said so. I thought there wasn’t anything we couldn’t tell each other?” Chase pressed his mouth to the inside of her knee and she shivered, spreading her legs wider for him. “It didn’t bother you to see me with Seth?” “I didn’t see you. I left when you went inside.” His breath ghosted over her wet pussy. “And I know he can’t make you feel like I do.” There was the arrogance that would serve him so well in his chosen profession. It stung that he didn’t care someone else had touched her, kissed her. “But he can,” Anne blurted. “He made me so wet with his hands, his mouth—” She broke off when his tongue slipped over her clit. “Then why isn’t he fucking you, lovely Anne?” He lapped at her some more. “Why isn’t it him on his knees in front of you? Why isn’t it his tongue buried in your cunt?” Chase suckled her clit into his mouth and held it between his teeth gently while his tongue worked her. She couldn’t answer him. She didn’t want to, because she’d have to speak the words, admit to him that he was the only one she wanted. That she loved him. “Shut up and fuck me,” Anne demanded, her tone harsher than she meant it to be, unable to hide the anger at him and herself for feeling these things. “I want your cum on my lips first.” Anne shuddered and carded her fingers through his hair, bringing him closer to her needy cunt. She let go of every emotion roiling through her, determined only to feel in the moment. To bask in every sensation his body could wring out of hers. His tongue delved into her slick folds, flicking back up over her clit and working the bud until she was shuddering against him, coming against his mouth as he’d demanded.
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“How many times did I make you come today, Anne?” he murmured as he licked his lips and moved up her body to her breasts, her throat and finally her mouth. He kissed her hard and she tasted herself on his lips and tongue. She pushed off the table. “On your back, Donovan.” Chase laughed against her mouth and sank down onto a bright blue tarp that had probably been laid out on the floor of the shed for just this purpose. Her eyes were drawn to his cock, swollen and dark against his chiseled stomach. She straddled him, teasing her cunt back and forth down the length of shaft. When he moved his hands up to guide her hips, Anne grabbed his wrists and pushed them above his head. “Don’t touch. It’s my turn.” With his great strength, he could have easily broken her hold and freed her hands. He could have grabbed her hips and she’d have followed his lead and probably come again. Chase played her body so well. But he didn’t do any of those things. He surrendered to her, put himself into her keeping. Anne worked her way down his body, trailing her lips over rippling muscle and smooth, hot skin. When her breath fanned over the crown of his cock, his hips bucked, bringing his shaft to her mouth. Her tongue darted out across the velvety tip, tasting where she’d rubbed herself on him and the pearly fluid of his pre-cum. When she closed her mouth over him and took his cock deep into her mouth, his whole body tensed and strained to push farther. She loved that she had this power over him too, that for all the control she felt she’d surrendered to him, he’d done the same for her. Anne wrapped her hand around his shaft and continued to lick and suck at his engorged flesh, her cunt aching as she did, readying her to be fucked yet again. Anne performed every swipe of her tongue with relish, every motion of her hand up and down his thick shaft a gift. “Let me touch you,” he rasped. “No. I can’t think when you do. This is about what I can do to you now, Chase.” Anne had to get some control back. She already felt like a puppet, with him jerking the strings. “It’s always about what you do to me. Watching you come, tasting it, feeling your cunt clenching around my cock while you scream my name…there’s nothing better.” She shivered as his words washed over her. “Be quiet or I’ll gag you. I’m in control here,” Anne said, more to reassure herself than actually instruct him. “Do you want to tie me up?” “I said, be quiet.” Anne knew the only way to make him stop talking and to finish what she’d started was to put something in his mouth. So she crawled off his body and
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then moved to straddle him so that her knees were braced outside his shoulders, and she could continue teasing his cock while he licked her to another orgasm. Anne took her time, licking him, tasting him. She sucked his cock deep into her mouth and worked up and down his shaft, bringing him ever closer to completion. When his cock surged against her tongue, she withdrew before he came and began teasing him all over again. He returned the caresses, the teasing licks, his tongue alternately thrusting into her cunt and whipping over her clit. She didn’t want to finish this way. She wanted his cock inside her. Anne drew her long leg from across his shoulders and then straddled his hips. She eased down onto his cock, her channel slick and ready for him. She loved this position, how full she felt, how deep he was inside her. A low sound tore from him and his hands wouldn’t be denied any longer. His fingers dug into her hips as she rocked against him. It felt damn good, but for the concrete beneath her knees. Chase seemed to know. He pushed up until he was sitting upright and wound his arms around her, putting his thighs between her and the concrete. He bucked his hips, pushing into her, matching her rhythm. She took his mouth with the same possession and intensity as he’d done to her and when she broke the kiss, hips still grinding down to meet his thrusts, he murmured, “I love your kiss.” And I love you, Chase Donovan. God, why had she done this to herself? Things were better when that damn declaration wasn’t on the tip of her tongue. It made everything so bittersweet. She clenched around his cock, squeezing and releasing, drawing them both closer to orgasm, and this time she was ready for him to come. Otherwise her mouth was going to betray her, and she knew Chase. After she’d uttered those words, things would never be right between them again. “And the way you feel,” he murmured against her mouth as he slipped a hand between them to work her clit with his thumb, “when you’re about to come and your pussy is so tight and hot.” “Stop trying to make me come first,” she growled in frustration, even though she felt as though she was going shatter around him. He nipped at her bottom lip, still thrusting up, hard and sure. “I’m not competing with you, Annie. I just want it to be as good as your fantasy.” She kissed him again, something to keep her traitorous mouth busy so she didn’t tell him everything she was feeling. Anne concentrated on the physicality of their intimacy. The friction of his cock in her cunt, the rhythm of their bodies moving together, the taste of his mouth, the strength of his body moving beneath hers.
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He increased the speed and pressure of his thumb while his cock surged and he came in a hot jet. Even as he orgasmed, he didn’t stop manipulating her swollen bud. Anne tensed and shuddered when she finally came for his expert fingers then collapsed, boneless and weak against him. Chase held her for a long while and she buried her face in his neck. “I need to tell you something,” Chase began slowly, but then was silent for what seemed like forever. “Only if you want to.” Anne decided if it had taken him that long to say whatever it was, it must be something horrible. Fear knotted her gut. “Nothing happened with Gin.” She reared back. “I call bullshit. She’s been after you forever and—” “She said you were in love with me.” Anne might as well have been hit with a stun gun for all the good her mouth did her. She couldn’t form words for a reply. All she could do was fall into his eyes and pray something would catch her before she crashed and burned. Until she blurted, “I kissed Seth.” “I know.” Chase pushed a lock of hair away from her face and tucked it behind her ear. “You told me.” “I thought you and Gin…” “I know that too.” “You don’t seem to care that I kissed him.” “I’d rather you didn’t kiss him, but I know he’s not me. He can’t do for you what I can.” “And what’s that?” Anne asked, hating the breathy sound to her voice. Her words sounded like some desperate plea for a declaration. “Didn’t I just demonstrate?” He kissed her forehead. “Yeah, you did,” she said quietly. “I’m really tired. I’m ready to go home.” She was ready to be home only so she could escape to her room and figure out just how to extract herself from the pile of shit she’d stepped in by falling in love with a man who wasn’t in love with her.
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Chapter Ten On the way home, Anne had been quiet and Chase hadn’t pushed her. She’d gone straight to her room and slipped beneath her blankets. Her body thrummed with a contented soreness but her mind was another matter entirely. Anne knew things couldn’t continue this way, and she resolved to tell Chase the next day that no matter how good the sex was, it had to stop. For the sake of their friendship. And her sanity. She’d finally fallen asleep in self-defense to get her brain to shut up and was surprised when she’d awakened with the urge to paint, but she knew better than to ignore her muse. She dragged herself and materials out into the living room as quietly as she could. Anne had always loved this house because of the way it catered to her artist’s eye, the way the morning light shone through the window in the living room. It was like shards of diamonds, frosting everything it touched with glitter. As the light danced across her, she almost imagined it was fairies kissing her fingers and blessing her work. It stirred her muse and made her tingle with expectation. It had been a long time since she’d painted. She’d been using her Mac to channel her creativity instead of a brush. But she missed the smells of the paint, feeling the wood of the brush between her fingers and the stark, bright beauty of an untouched canvas. She’d been finalizing her portfolio to submit to Hallmark. Technically it was a day job, but it could launch her career the same as it had done for Thomas Kinkade. They weren’t exactly hiring, although they were always looking for new talent. Her professor had told her it was a waste of her time, that paper cards were going the way of the dodo the same as paper books. Anne thought he was full of shit. Sure, the market was changing and she designed covers for e-books, but it was simply another form of art. Anne had been beyond thrilled when Marco Delonzi had visited her design class. He’d been doing book covers since the eighties and he had the original paintings of some of the covers from her favorite books. Marco had encouraged her and even helped her get her portfolio together. She just had a few tweaks left before submission. While she was excited for that, those paintings and designs were already done. There was newness crackling around her hands like lightning and she had to get it on canvas. Chase had put her easel in the corner and there were canvasses of varying sizes stacked against it. The easel had been the first thing she’d brought over when they’d decided she was going to move in. Though she hadn’t used it in a while, it seemed important for it to be here. Chase had thought so too. 67
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Ugh! Anne wished he wasn’t her last thought for the night and first thought of the morning. She had to stop thinking about him. She spread the drop cloth and set up the easel and chose a canvas. Anne let her hands travel over each one with her eyes closed before she decided. She’d paused over the largest one and laughed at herself. Anne was the kind of girl to jump in with both feet first. There was nothing like diving back into the deep sea with her muse and all that virgin white space to fill. Anne had no idea what it was going to be, but there would be lots of bright color. She’d minored in Art History and had read accounts of sculptors who oftentimes said they were simply releasing the images already trapped in the stone when they were sculpting. They didn’t choose the shapes the stones would take beneath their chisels, they were already there, waiting to be set free. Maybe that’s what she was doing with the canvas. Anne wasn’t choosing the image, only setting it free. Then it came to her, the image fully formed like Athena from Zeus’ skull. The dawn. An homage to the beginning of all things. Sharp images flashed through her brain like photographs, blendings of colors and contrasts like The Great Nebula in Orion. But she couldn’t begin with all that white. Births and beginnings often came from the dark. The endless pitch of space, the cruel veil of the night or the silent darkness of the womb. She needed black. A black matte for the backdrop of the birth of a new dawn, a new world and new universe. A loud knock sounded on the door but Anne didn’t stop to see who it was. If it was someone she knew, they’d come in anyway. She was working. Even though she was just blackening the canvas and she’d have to stop to allow it to cure for several hours, Anne didn’t want to interrupt the flow. “Hey, girly. You’re working!” Gin said as she galloped into the living room. “Yep,” Anne replied as she made another bold stroke of black. “Um, are you depressed?” Gin cocked her head to the side. “Why?” “It’s just so…black. You must be really pissed at me for the closet thing.” Gin never had been one to tiptoe around something she wanted to say. “No. You asked me if it was okay.” Anne stroked the brush down the canvas. “Yeah, I did. But if I’d been a good friend, I wouldn’t have done it.” “You’re only apologizing because you didn’t like that I went into the closet with Seth and you don’t want me to do it again.” “Will you get off that?” Gin scowled. Then her face softened. “Fine. You got me. I didn’t like it at all.” Anne smiled. “I’m sorry too.” Then she scowled as well. “Heartily.” “Why? Was it like some religious experience or something?” “Yeah. Kind of,” Anne admitted.
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“Shut the fuck up.” She laughed. “Wait, really?” “But I’m not ready to talk about it.” At the look on Gin’s face, she rushed on. “It doesn’t have to do with Seth. It’s Chase.” Gin hugged her. “Okay. Then I won’t tell you what kissing him was like.” “You slut,” Anne teased. “I already know what it’s like.” “But you don’t. Not from my standpoint. I thought it would be panty-drenching.” “Wasn’t it?” Anne paused in her strokes and thought about how very drenched she was every time he got near her. “I have a confession. Nothing happened with Chase. I just wanted to make you admit your feelings for him. I know you’re head over ass for him. You need to acknowledge that, even if it’s just to yourself. You’re so damn stubborn! I thought for sure you’d tell me no. I couldn’t believe it when I was actually in the stupid closet with him. And worse? I was wishing I was in there with Seth.” “You could have just said that rather than—” “Look, you know yourself. Are you telling me anything short of drastic would have worked?” “Gin, I already know I’m in love with him. But it’s pointless. He doesn’t love me. Not like that.” “Yes. He does.” “So, you wanted to be in the closet with Seth? You’ve finally admitted it?” Anne deflected. “You’re lucky I want to talk about this, otherwise this whole let’s-switch-subjectsbecause-I’m-uncomfortable thing wouldn’t be working for you. You know that site you showed me?” Gin began softly. “Yes?” Anne grinned in spite of herself. It occurred to her that she shouldn’t be so amused. Gin was probably jilling off to Chase just as Anne herself had been, but she knew she couldn’t let that bother her. There were probably tons of girls doing that to Chase. Whether she wanted to or not, she found the idea hot, all those women rubbing off to the guy she was fucking. “Did you know it has a chat feature?” Gin asked, her tone sounding as if she’d just discovered gold. “I did,” Anne acknowledged and smoothed the brush over the canvas again. “Have you used it?” “No, I was too busy thinking about Chase.” “I don’t feel like I can eye-hump him now. I wanted to. But it seemed wrong somehow, since I know you’re all…together.” “Gin, I don’t care. Honestly.” Making out with him was in the hell-no category. But jilling off to him? Anne truly didn’t care if Gin rubbed her bean raw watching Chase. A thousand other women were doing it, so what was one more?
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“He doesn’t do the chat, does he?” “I don’t know. I don’t think so.” “Was he working last night?” “No.” “Thank God.” “What happened? Are you going to tell me or make me play twenty questions?” Anne demanded with a grin. “The things this guy said to me, Anne. Oh. My. God.” Anne was suddenly reminded of something she’d said to Chase about the way he spoke. But no, it couldn’t have been Chase…could it? “Do you know who else works on the site? I have to… I don’t know.” “The man is oftentimes different than the fantasy. You have to know that.” “I do.” “I know Seth and Justin both work for the site. I don’t know if there’s anyone else or not.” Anne shrugged. “Seth?” she squeaked. “Uh-huh,” Anne confirmed, a bit distracted as she covered the last bit of white on the canvas. “No, he could never say those things. Never think them. Of course, I’d never have expected him to be on the site either. No, it couldn’t be Seth. Could it? No. No way,” Gin rambled to herself. “What happened that night last week when you crashed at his place?” Anne asked after she stepped back to survey her work. “Absolutely nothing. I got hammered off my ass.” She paused. “We may have made out a little bit. We didn’t, like, sleep all snuggled up in each other’s arms or anything relationshippy like that.” Gin snorted. “I thought you didn’t like him that way?” Anne teased. “I don’t. I didn’t. I mean…I don’t know. It was just a kiss. Or four.” “A hot-and-heavy make-out session, huh?” “It might have been more, but he said he didn’t want to take advantage of me. Can you believe there are men still like that?” “I can.” Anne nodded seriously. “I haven’t really talked to him about it since. I crept out early. I didn’t want there to be any early-morning weirdness.” “What would you do if it was him? On the site, I mean. Or worse, what if it’s not? What if it’s Justin?” Gin’s blue eyes went round. “I don’t know. Maybe I should just leave it alone.” “Maybe,” Anne agreed with a nod. 70
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“Maybe not?” Gin asked with a sly grin. “I would go with ‘not’. I’ve always thought you and Seth would be good together.” At Gin’s sardonic look, she continued. “No, not just because you were pining after Chase. I didn’t know I wanted him then. I genuinely want you to be happy, Gin. Even after last night’s fuckery.” “I know that.” She sighed. “But Seth? Come on. He’s so,” she paused fumbling for the right word, “proper. He’s not the kind of guy who would be into a woman like me. I’m loud, obnoxious and I say ‘fuck’ a lot.” “I don’t understand your recalcitrance.” “It is too early in the morning to be using words like that.” Gin screwed her face into a scowl. “And…like I said earlier. Some good sex doesn’t mean there has to be a relationship.” Anne was coming to hate that idea. If Gin said “fuck buddy” she was going to slap her. “But there could be. He’s a good guy, Gin. He’d treat you well, take you home to meet his grandmother.” “Right. Which means it’s highly unlikely that it was him who told me all the things he could do to me. Including—” She broke off and giggled with a blush. “The, um, other.” “Other? I don’t follow.” Anne shook her head. “You know…” She made another face, her eyes so round Anne thought they were going to pop out of her head. “Look, you’re just going to have to say it.” “We were talking about…about…” Gin puffed up with resolve. “Analingus, okay?” Anne giggled. “What’s wrong with that?” “It wasn’t just that he said he’s good at it, but that’s what he fantasizes about and it turned into a Q&A sort of thing.” “Why were you grilling him like you were writing a research paper? Isn’t the point of the chat feature to facilitate a, um…culmination and be done with it?” “I guess, but the chat has moved to my phone. We’ve been texting all day.” Gin hung her head. “Wow. And did you pay for this?” Anne asked, trying to assess the situation. “The chat comes with site membership, but we talk about everything. It’s not just sex. I know he’s just a fantasy, but whoever this guy is, he gets me. It was instant connection.” “Well, maybe this is good for you. There’s no expectation. It’s safe.” “I don’t even care what he looks like. He could be some fat gamer living in his mother’s basement that only eats corn dogs and Mountain Dew and I wouldn’t care. In fact, I’m sure he has to be a nerd type. The hot jocks are never more concerned with their lovers’ pleasure than their own.” Gin rolled her eyes.
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Chase was hot and he was always concerned about her pleasure. Damn it, she had to stop thinking about him. “Really? What if he had corn dog munchies stuck in his moobs?” Anne teased. “It wouldn’t matter. Because he gets me. I might have to shove him in a shower and pull him away from Warcraft, but I don’t care.” “Then there’s Seth. Imagine if it was him? Or Justin. They’re both jock-hot and scary smart.” “Seth and I don’t really talk. Not like I do with this guy.” “People are different when they can be anonymous. They can be more accepting, more understanding, and there’s less posturing. You paid him to talk to you, Gin.” “I’m not paying him now.” “No, but I don’t want you to build him into something he’s not,” Anne said, trying to be supportive and practical at the same time. “Uh, were you listening to my earlier description? I’m prepared for gamer boy.” “What if it was Chase?” Anne was just being ornery now. “Then I’d cry, seriously. Don’t mess with me.” Gin’s phone chirped then and she fumbled, but didn’t check it. “Go on, I already know you’re obsessed. You might as well see who it is.” “It’s him!” “Duh,” Anne said. She took her brush to the kitchen to wash it while Gin read her text and her fingers flew over the mini keyboard, typing a response. Anne had a feeling it was Seth. She kept trying to steer Gin toward him, but she seemed determined to go in the opposite direction. “Can you imagine telling your children that you met through an erotic website?” Anne snickered when Gin joined her in the kitchen. “Whoa! Hold on, I haven’t even met this guy in person and you’ve got me spitting out babies.” “Exactly,” Anne said pointedly. “Hey, I wasn’t talking picket fence and man cave or anything. I’m not even done with school.” “Right again. But there were stars in your eyes. Slow down. Enjoy it, but slow down.” “Look, just because it took you and Chase, what, fifteen years to decide to go out doesn’t mean everyone else needs that long.” Gin smirked and flipped her phone closed. “Speaking of…” There was a question in the way she let the sentence hang. “You can be really intuitive sometimes and then others—like the hot tub—not so much.”
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“Yes, I’d realized my blunder after we were already hip-deep in the water. He grabbed you like he owned you when we got in.” Gin opened the fridge and rummaged around inside before popping back up with a mouthful of grapes. “Didn’t he just?” Anne sighed. “Seth was convinced there was something illicit going on under the bubbles. He couldn’t get us out of there fast enough.” “Oh, there was,” Anne confessed. So much for not sharing that bit of info. “You’re both horrible.” She giggled. “No, I’m repressed.” “That’s worse than being outright horrible,” Gin said. “We’re not together though. We’re just fucking.” “Oh lord,” Gin exclaimed. “That’s not you, though. And that’s not Chase.” Anne gave her a pointed look. “That’s not Chase with you. He cares about you, Anne.” “Right, but he doesn’t want a relationship. We’ve both got careers to worry about and he’s still trying to get through medical school. There’s no room for commitment to anything but our futures.” “What a line of bullshit.” “What?” Anne put her hands on her hips. “You didn’t say we don’t want a relationship. You said Chase doesn’t. That was your epiphany, huh? You love him. It took you long enough.” “We’re just friends, Gin. That’s all we can be. The sex is great.” Her words sounded hollow even to her own ears. So she switched tactics, hoping Gin would follow suit. “The hot-tubbing is great too.” She smirked. “I’m never getting in that hot tub with you again,” Gin stated. “Now I’m scarred. Forever.” “Good. That means no more pseudo-coitus interruptus.” “Hey, I already said I was sorry about that.” Gin looked back to the canvas. “So back to the black space. What is it, if it’s not some angsty, the-world-is-all-darkness etc. and so forth?” “How soon you forget Women’s Studies. It’s rebirth. The darkness of the womb?” “Really? You’re just going to hang that up and call it Vagina?” “No, shut up.” Anne laughed. “It’s like space, too, or midnight. I was actually thinking midnight when I started. There will be gold and pink streaking through the darkness like the first tentative fingers of dawn.” “What a description. Maybe you should have been a writer instead.” “Oh please. You weren’t subjected to the heinously and criminally bad poetry I wrote in high school. Awful stuff.” “I bet Chase read it.”
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“He did. And he told me it was bad. Not outright, of course, he wasn’t trying to be mean. Chase told me painting was where my muse was happiest.” “And he was right, I guess.” She looked thoughtful for a moment. “So, do you think if it was Seth, he’d tell me? I mean, he knows what my phone number is. So does Justin, for that matter. Wouldn’t they…” Gin trailed off and shrugged. “You don’t recognize the number he’s texting from?” Anne followed the subject change easily. “No, but it could be a throwaway phone.” “It could be, and no one memorizes phone numbers anymore. They’re always stored in the phone.” Anne shrugged. “Here’s what you do. Bring up something in conversation with Justin and Seth that you talked about with this guy. See what they say. You may be surprised.” “You keep saying that like you know something I don’t.” “I know plenty you don’t.” Anne smirked. “But no. I have no more information about the website than you do. I just have my hopes.” “That you’re beating me about the head and face with,” Gin replied. “I want you to be happy.” “You sound like my mother.” Gin’s phone chirped again and she looked at it with surprise marking her pixie features. “What?” Anne prodded. “It’s Seth. He wants to take me for coffee at Books-A-Million. What do I say?” “What do you want to say?” “I don’t know. I’m so confused.” “When all else fails, it’s free coffee.” Anne grinned. She bit her lip. “I don’t know if I can talk to him now.” “Why not?” “I’ll keep wondering if he’s the mystery guy.” “Ask him,” Anne said with another shrug. “What if he says yes? Worse, what if he says no?” Then she scowled. “What if he won’t tell me?” She fidgeted as if she was suddenly uncomfortable in her own skin. “Gin, look at yourself. I think you like him more than you’ve let on. You’re driving yourself nuts.” “Did I tell you I think he kisses like all the heroes in all the novels we’ve read? I swear, I stopped breathing.” “Symphonies and fireworks?” She decided not to remind Gin that she knew how he kissed. “Yeah.” “And you’re seriously debating not going to have coffee with him?”
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“It’s going to be awkward.” “Sometimes those awkward, unsure moments are the ones that will burn themselves into your brain forever.” “Fine, but if this goes poorly, I blame you.” Gin was texting him back before she even finished speaking. “You always do.” Anne hugged her.
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Chapter Eleven Anne tried to avoid Chase the rest of the day. She cleaned up her painting supplies and locked herself in her room. When he knocked after his afternoon classes, she told him she was working. Which she wasn’t. Not really. She was literally watching paint dry and deciding how best to approach the topic of no more sex with him. Finally, after she didn’t come out for dinner and then tried to ignore him again an hour later, he wouldn’t be put off. “Come on, Annie. What’s wrong?” “I’m just working,” she said through the door. “Then why is your door locked? There’s never been a locked door between us.” There’d never been cock between them either. She snorted to herself. She took a deep breath and, even though she still had no idea what she was going to say, opened the door. “See, I knew you were full of shit. What’s going on?” he asked as he stepped into the room, his presence sucking all the air out of the space. Damn, but he was wearing that belt buckle again. The one he’d been wearing when he helped her move. How was she supposed to think when the gateway to heaven was lit before her like a runway with that thing? “I am not full of shit. I had to wait for my canvas to dry before I can add the other layers.” He raised a brow. “No, what you were doing was avoiding me. I’ve pissed off enough women to know the difference between creative seclusion and avoidance. I thought we could tell each other anything. Did fucking change your mind about that?” “Yeah, kind of.” “There. See, that wasn’t so hard. You told me you changed your mind. Wanna tell me what else you changed your mind about?” No, not really. But she didn’t exactly have a choice. Games were for children, and despite the fuckery that was the frat party, Anne was no child. She and Chase were both adults who’d made a mistake and the only way to get past it was to own it. Not that she thought she ever would get past it. What she felt for him, it welled inside her like a hot spring, bubbling up and searing through her veins every time she looked at him, thought of him. Loving Chase had never been hard, but being in love with him was excruciating.
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She took another deep breath and felt like she was drowning. “You were right.” Anne shrugged helplessly. “I’m always right, Annie-belle. But to what specifically are you referring?” Anne met his gaze and his eyes were warm, teasing, but she wasn’t up for the usual banter. She had to break her own heart and she just couldn’t do it with a smile. “These last couple days have been really good.” “But?” he prompted when she didn’t say anything else. “But you were right. I can’t handle it. Me and all my talk of ‘a little fucking between friends’ and I can’t handle it. Not with you.” “Who could you handle it with?” His eyes narrowed. “I don’t… Do we have to do this?” “Yes. I think we do. Just like you thought we had to explore this thing between us, I think it’s only fair that we both understand why it didn’t work.” God, she’d half hoped that when she talked to him, he’d beat her to the Grand Confession. That he’d say he loved her and wanted to be with her and… So much for being an adult. Anne felt as if she was still the same girl she’d been in high school in so many ways. Believing in fairytale endings at her age. Ridiculous. “You know what? Let’s get out of here. We’ll have a late picnic just like we did when we were kids, off some country road in the middle of the night.” Her brain told her it wasn’t a good idea and her mouth opened, but all she did was nod her stupid head in agreement. It seemed she was a masochist because she kept doing these things that she knew would hurt like hell, but couldn’t stop herself. “But that doesn’t mean you’re going to get out of answering the question.” She slipped into her shoes and followed him out to the truck. Anne was sure he’d continue to question her during the drive, but he turned on the radio and left her to her thoughts. He stopped at a little gas station on the way out of town that fried chicken guaranteed to be either the best you’d ever eaten or a raging case of dysentery. Odds were pretty even either way, but when it was good, Anne thought it was nothing short of divine. Anne didn’t like all of this time to think. She should have just spewed out that Gin was telling the truth, that she loved him, then watched his eyes widen in shock and his mouth gape open like a large-mouth bass out of water and promptly shut the door in his face. Trepidation was a boa constrictor around her whole body and it tightened when he slowed the truck and found a place to park off a seemingly hidden dirt road. As she got out of the truck, Anne decided she didn’t think she was going to be able to eat any of the chicken, even though the scent of it made her mouth water. This was one of her favorite things, a night picnic. Of course, when they were younger, it had been an evening picnic and they’d always used the blue blanket he’d just spread out for them. It had seen them through many a lengthy conversation about 77
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the meaning of life in a quiet country field under a starry sky. She ran her hands over the worn weave of the fabric and wondered if these times between them would ever be the same. Anne breathed deeply again, fighting for air. The night air was sweet with the scent of mown grass and a tree full of apples ready for picking. She took a long drink of water from her bottle and didn’t mind in the least when some trickled down her chin. It was such a cool relief that she poured a little in her hand and splashed some on her face and dabbed at her neck. “So are you going to tell me now who you’d rather have casual sex with?” Chase had leaned back against the wheel of the truck and pulled her legs across his lap. Anne was glad she was done drinking or she would have choked. “That’s not what I said.” “Explain it to me, Anne.” “I only said I couldn’t do it with you.” “You did it plenty with me earlier.” Anne blushed and then bit her lip. Damn it, but she still hadn’t figured out how to stop biting her lip around him. Or thinking about him naked. Or imagining fucking him. Or— She rattled herself out of that train of thought. “I did, and I want to do it again.” “So what’s the problem? We’re having a good time. I like fucking you. You like fucking me. Where’s the conflict? And why do you want to do it with someone else?” She opened her mouth, but again nothing came out. Like turning on an old faucet that just shuddered, shaking the pipes until someone turned it off. But Anne finally found her voice. “You’re stuck on that, Chase. If it’s just casual, what does it matter if it’s with someone else?” It was his turn to have nothing to say. The silence stretched out for what seemed an eternity, but Anne knew it couldn’t have been more than a few seconds. “So, it’s Seth? Are you in love with him?” Men could be so dense. She would have laughed if she hadn’t felt like crying. “When I kissed him—” she began. He interrupted her. “Do you remember when you asked me to tell you my fantasy?” Chase drew his finger in lazy circles around her ankle. “Yeah, you said you’d already lived it.” Chase didn’t seem to hear her. “Do you remember sometimes we’d go swimming in Potter’s Pond after our late-night picnics?” “I’d love to be there now.” Anne dabbed a bit more water on her neck. She was hot and getting ready to spill her guts; it made her face flush and her palms sweat. If he wanted to give her a moment of reprieve, she’d let him. “After every time we went, I swore I’d never go back. It was too hard to keep my hands off you, Anne. You never pushed me away, either. All those times when you let 78
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me carry you in the water, laughing and teasing. The feel of your wet, slick body against mine—I was so afraid you’d feel how much I wanted you, but one of my fantasies was that you would feel and you’d realize you wanted me too.” He traced higher on her leg, his fingers warm and strong. He’d already admitted to her that night in the kitchen that he’d fantasized about fucking her, but she hadn’t realized for how long. It was nice to hear, and she had another confession of her own that would be easier to share than admitting how she felt about him. “Remember the time when Laura and Grant came with us? You’d been goofing off with her in the water like you did with me and when it was my turn to be tossed and you caught me…” Anne didn’t know how she wanted to phrase the rest of it—how hard he’d been. “That was you. All you. I didn’t think you’d noticed.” He grinned. “Oh, I noticed. It was something I’ve thought about. The what ifs. What if I’d clung closer instead of being embarrassed and jealous? What if I’d kissed you when you caught me? There was a moment there that could have been a kiss, that split second when we were both out of breath from our little play struggle…” “You were jealous?” He was incredulous. “I was green like spinach. I hated her after that. I felt like she was taking some part of you away from me, and you were mine.” “You say these things so easily—” “The same way you talk about how much you like fucking me? Emotions are sensations too, Chase.” Anne relaxed her knees and they parted slightly as his caress moved up behind her knee and down again. Each touch made her skin hyperaware of his every movement. “Tell me another one,” she said breathlessly. His hand strayed to the inside of her thigh and back down. Anne didn’t want to try to form coherent thoughts, she was too wrapped up in the way he was touching her and imagining the things he was saying. “How about you tell me instead, Anne?” His fingers continued to play against the back of her knee and she shivered. “Tell me, or I’ll stop.” She’d come here to tell him she couldn’t do this and here she was, spread out before him and wanting, needing him yet again. Chase’s touch was an addiction, just like a drug. “I imagine what that first time would have been like with you on the Fourth of July, instead of Grant. How carefully you would have touched me, how you would have made sure it was all the things I’d dreamed of, with candlelight and roses instead of hurried fumblings in the back of a Monte Carlo. How you would have made love to me like a man instead of a boy trying to get his rocks off. My fantasy is that one of those many nights you came over and slipped in my window, I had asked you to be my first.”
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His body had gone taut and his hands stilled on her flesh. “Anne, I’m a man now, and I can hardly keep control when you say things like that. I’m sure the fantasy you have of me outshines what it would have been if you’d asked.” “Would you have been my first?” she questioned softly, her lashes brushing her cheeks as she looked down. “If I’d asked?” “Yes.” He tilted her chin up so she’d look at him. “I’ll do anything you ask.” “So, what would you have done? Tell me. We’re in my room, I’ve told you I have something important to ask you and I tell you I want you to be my first. What do you do?” “Is this an erotic choose your own adventure?” he teased. “Or you could show me.” Anne regretted it as soon as the words were out of her mouth. Not because she didn’t want him to, but because she knew this was where she should stop. If she was ever going to, it had to be here. Tonight. He pulled her into his lap. “And it would be just like that, wouldn’t it? I’d be afraid to answer, afraid it wasn’t real, and you’d think I didn’t want you.” Chase pushed her hair out of her face and brushed his knuckles against her cheek. “I’d tell you your skin was like silk and cream, too fine for my dirty hands. But I’d touch you anyway because those words from your lips won’t let me do anything else.” Chase kissed her softly, his lips moving over hers with a reverent tenderness, and she melted against him. In that moment, she was completely his to mold and shape as he pleased. “And I’d kiss you, taste your lips and the sweet promises on your tongue.” He wrapped his arm around her waist to support her weight as he eased her down on the blanket. “I’d lay you down on this blanket in your room and I’d have you imagine this place, here and now, with fireflies and the scent of summer apples, the stars above like the candles you’d dreamed of. There are no rose petals, only the vibrant grasses beneath us.” He scraped his lightly stubbled cheek across hers and buried his face in her hair. “What would you do, my Annie? Would it still be your dream? Would it be enough?” “I’d ask to see you underneath the stars. No unsure touches in the dark and fear of the unknown.” She reached out tentatively and he didn’t pull away. Anne tugged his shirt over his head. She moved next to his belt buckle and when he didn’t stay her hand, she worked his jeans down his hips and drank in the sight of him—the body that was almost as familiar as her own, but new and exciting. “You wouldn’t have been afraid?” he asked. “Terrified. But it would be with you. Not so different than the Seven in Heaven. Your strong body wrapped around me, bringing me so much ecstasy.” His fingers hovered over the buttons on the front of her dress, but she slipped her hands beneath his and worked through them quickly. The light cotton slid from her shoulders, revealing her nakedness beneath.
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Chase made no move to touch her, but his eyes were dark with want as he raked his gaze over her body. His perusal was almost a caress in itself. “This is where we should stop,” Anne breathed as he reached out and caught a lock of her hair and wrapped it around his finger. “Is it? I’ve already been inside you. Already made you scream my name. Why should we stop?” “Because I love you, Chase.” “All the more reason to be with me here, in this world we’ve created together. This past where there was no one before and there’ll be none after.” But he hadn’t returned her confession. She wanted to run from him, hide—but there was nowhere to go. He slowly unwound the strand of hair from his index finger and let it fall down to curl against her bare breast. Chase cupped the back of her neck and brought his lips down to hers. Anne found she couldn’t deny him. Even as she told herself this was the last time. He settled between her thighs and Anne realized she was sore. “Gentle, this time.” “Tender?” He kissed down the column of her throat, the valley between her breasts, the flat surface of her stomach and finally down between her thighs to her pussy. Chase licked in long, smooth strokes up her cleft and it was only moments before she was bucking under his mouth. Chase repositioned himself so he could enter her and he eased inside slowly. “You’re killing me, sweetheart.” Anne tightened her thighs around him. “I’ll be careful with you.” “Break me, I don’t care,” she cried and dug her nails into his back to anchor herself to him. He was slow and careful at first, teasing her—testing her. Chase slid his fingers between them and stroked the swollen bud of her clit lightly. For Anne, it was as if she’d been drugged all over again, the white-hot, raging need that spiraled through her, the way his hands seared her everywhere they touched. Then the movements of his fingers stilled as he pulled away. “No!” she cried out. “I’m not going anywhere, sweetness.” Chase held her legs apart and pressed a hot kiss to her inner thigh as he worked his way toward her cunt to finish what he’d started. The first soft touch of his tongue caused her to fist the blanket and arch up to meet him. He captured her hips and held her there while he tasted. She writhed against him, but he neither slowed nor increased his pace. It was divine torture. The sensation built again, slower this time, but even more intense. It was as if that initial touch had opened a floodgate and every stroke of his tongue took her higher. “I love how you taste—sweet. Every time I touch you, it’s a fantasy come to life.” 81
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She dug her fingers into his arms and he focused again on his task. Anne fought the waves of bliss as they rolled over her—refusing to let go and careen over the edge into ecstasy. But he gave her no choice. The precision of his strokes was relentless and she whimpered, her body shuddering against his mouth as she climaxed again. Anne was still riding the aftershocks of her orgasm when he rose above her and pushed into her slick channel. He moved with an agonizing slowness, but Anne wouldn’t be denied. She clenched to draw him deeper, to sheath him fully, and it was his undoing. Chase stopped, fighting for control. Anne could feel the war in his body by the tension in his muscles, the stiff way he held himself against her. It was a heady feeling to know she was the cause of his loss of control. On the website, she’d seen him last a very long time, seemingly forever. But when he was with her, he couldn’t stave off his climax. He’d already brought her over the edge twice—it was his turn. “Yes, Chase. Now,” she demanded. Just as he found his release, fat raindrops splashed against them and the clear night sky grew dark as the light of the last star was snuffed out like a candle by heavy clouds. “Damn crazy Kansas weather,” he muttered, but made no move to seek shelter from the light summer shower. Suddenly, Anne felt exposed and vulnerable by more than just her nakedness. She’d told him she loved him. He’d neatly avoiding discussing it by fucking her blue. Now what? Did she pretend she’d never said it? Did they pretend this hadn’t happened? “Chase—” she began. He interrupted her again, and it was starting to piss her off. “Now tell me you want to be with someone else,” he said smugly. “I don’t, asshole!” she snapped and scrambled to her feet. “That’s the problem. I want to be with you! That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you!” He looked confused but completely unfazed by the name-calling as he stood and slipped into his clothes. “You said that Seth—” “Did you miss the part where I said that I love you, Chase?” She was angry now. “I love you too, Annie.” He kissed her forehead. So not the declaration she was looking for. “I am in love with you.” “Anne—” She blazed ahead. Anne had to get this out, even standing there getting soaked in the rain. If it didn’t come out now, she’d never find the courage to say it again. “That’s why I can’t be with you. That’s why we can’t do this anymore, because you don’t feel the same way. Okay? Do you understand now?” she snarled, pushing away from him to pull on her dress and get inside the truck.
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He caught her hand, his grip impossible to break, and he pressed her against the door, his dark hair curling down into his eyes as the gentle rain soaked them. “Annie, I never thought in a million years you’d feel this way.” “Me either,” she said, unable to stop the tears as they mixed with the rain on her cheeks. He sheltered her against his chest for a moment and it was bittersweet, that strength wrapped around her even as the rain washed away the scent of him, the memory of his touch from only moments before. “I can’t be what you need,” he said quietly, but she could feel his heart thundering in his chest. “I know. That’s why this has to stop.” “I can’t stop.” He pulled back and tilted her face up to his, moonlight and rain like jewels on his skin. “Do you know how long I’ve wanted you?” So it was all about what he wanted? What this meant for him? Anne tried to look away. “I waited so long for you to realize how good it would be between us. It’s always been you, Anne.” He brushed his lips against hers tenderly. “I can’t be what you need, but I want to be.” “What are you saying, Chase?” She knew he wanted to fuck her, he’d said as much, but wanting to be what she needed? If he wanted to, why couldn’t he? It made no sense. “I’m saying that I’m in love with you and I want you to be mine—only mine—but it won’t be like other couples. I don’t have time for romantic dates every Friday. Sometimes I won’t be able to spend time with you because I’ll have to study and then I’ll have residency. I still have to maintain Dreamed Desire. If we ever want a life after medical school, we can’t start out with a ton of debt hanging over our heads.” “You said ‘we’.” Anne already knew about all that other stuff and she didn’t care. He loved her. That’s all that mattered. Joy sparked inside her like wildfire. “Of course I did. I’ve never imagined a life without you, Annie. But you deserve better than what I can give you right now.” “Chase, I love our life the way it is. I don’t need romantic dates. I like wearing your t-shirts and watching movies together. I like that you give me space to paint when I need it. Of course I’ll do the same, and support your career. Even Dreamed Desire. I think it’s hot—but no more scenes with other women. If you need a woman, it will be me.” “You want to film us for the site?” he asked incredulously. She blushed. “Sure. Why not? If you’re in everyone’s spank-bank, why not me too?” “Because you’re all mine, Anne.” “That was never an issue.” She laughed as she realized the rain had stopped. “I thought you said Seth could turn you on the same as I could?”
83
Saranna DeWylde
“Not the same. That’s what I was trying to tell you. He’s good at what he does, but he’s not you, Chase.” “Damn straight,” he growled. He kissed her again, and as she melted against him, Anne decided maybe the best drug of all wasn’t his touch…but his love.
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About the Author Saranna De Wylde has always been fascinated by things better left in the dark. She wrote her first story after watching The Exorcist at a slumber party. Since then, she’s published horror, romance and narrative nonfiction. Like all writers, Saranna has held a variety of jobs, from operations supervisor for an airline, to an assistant for a call girl, to a corrections officer. But like Hemingway said, “Once writing has become your major vice and greatest pleasure, only death can stop it.” So she traded in her cuffs for a fulltime keyboard. She loves to hear from her readers.
Saranna welcomes comments from readers. You can find her website and email addresses on her author bio page at www.ellorascave.com.
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