Knowledge of Freedom: Time to Change (Nyingma Psychology Series)

��(D)�[L[E[D)CG[E (D)[f [f � [E [E [D)(D) lKfJ by Tarthang Tulku � NYINGMA PSYCHOLOGY SERIES Reflections of Mind Ge...

Author: Tarthang Tulku

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��(D)�[L[E[D)CG[E (D)[f [f � [E [E [D)(D) lKfJ

by Tarthang Tulku

�

NYINGMA PSYCHOLOGY SERIES

Reflections of Mind Gesture of Balance Openness Mind Hidden Mind of Freedom Kum Nye Relaxation, Parts 1 and 2 Skillful Means Knowledge of Freedom: Time to Change

Li b rary of Con g ress Cat a l o g u e Card N u m ber 84-282-52

ISBN: 0-91 3546-96-8 ISBN: 0-91 3546-95-X ( p b k .)

Co py r i g h t © 1 984 by D h a r m a Pu bl i s h i n g A l l r i g h t s reserved. N o part of t h i s book may b e reprod uced in any form w i t h o u t w r i tten p e r m i ssio n. Fo r i n f o r m at i o n , add ress: D h a r m a Pu b l i sh i n g, 2425 H i l l s i d e Ave n u e, B e r ke l ey, Cal i fo r n i a 94704 USA Typeset i n Fototro n i c Opt i m a w i th Opt i m a S e m i b o l d Outl i n e t i t l e s a n d i n i t i a l s. Prin ted a n d b o u n d by Dharma Press, Oak l a nd , Ca l i fo r n i a 9

8

7

6

5

4

3

2

1

Dedicated to the Human Mind

Contents

Preface by Tart h a n g Tu l k u I n trodu ctio n

xv

S E CT I O N O N E: K N OW L E D G E I N T I M E

Cha pter

1:

xi

T h e Hu m a n I n h erit a n ce

1 5

C h a pter 2 :

Respo n di n g to Tim e

16

Chapter

Quest i o n i n g Min d

23

3:

S ECTIO N TW O: K N O W L E D G E T O D AY

27

A ltern atives to Di s s ati sfacti o n

31

C h a pter 5:

Acceleratio n of C h a n ge

36

Cha pter 6:

Freedom a n d Pro s perity

42

C h a pter

4:

S E CT I O N T H R E E : I N V I TAT I O N TO K N OW L E D G E

55

C h a pter

O pp o rtu n i ty fo r C h a n ge

59

C h a pter 8:

K n o w l edge a n d Self

67

Chapter 9 :

Brea king T h ro u g h the K n o w n

76

7:

VIII

Knowledge of Freedom

SECTION FOUR: KNOWLEDGE OF EXPERIENCE

C h a pter 1 0 : C h a pter 1 1 : C h a pt e r 1 2 : C h a pter 1 3 :

T i m e a n d C h a nge B i rt h and Y o u t h Yea rs of O u r Pri m e T h e Wan i n g of O u r L i ves

SECTION FIVE: AWAKENING KNOWLEDGE

C h a pter 1 4 : C h a pt e r 1 5 : C h a pter 1 6 : C h a pter 1 7 :

St rateg i e s fo r L i v i ng Yearn i n g fo r F u l fi l l m e n t Pu rsu i t of H ap p i ness G ateway to K n o w l edge

SECTION SIX: KNOWLEDGE OF CON FUSION

Ch apter 1 8 : C h a pter 1 9 : C h a pt e r 20 : C h a pter 21 :

H u m a n Ed uca t i o n Layers of Co n d i t i on i n g N ew Beg i n n i n gs I m ages of O u rsel ves

85 89 92 1 02 111 119 1 23 1 38 1 44 1 48 1 53 1 57 1 68 1 84 1 92

SECTION SEVEN: HEALING KNOWLEDGE

207

C h a pter 22 : C h a pt e r 23 : C h a pt e r 24 :

21 1 225 235

Tran sfo rm i n g T e n s i o n Co n fl i c t of Co m pet i t i o n See i n g T h rough Pa i n

SECTION EIGHT: WEALTH OF KNOWLEDGE

245

I m ages of Des i re Trea s u ry of Experience G l o b a l K n o w l edge

249 259 276

SECTION NINE: I NNER KNOWLEDGE

283

C h a pter 28 : C h a pter 2 9 :

287 301

C h a pter 25 : Chapter 2 6 : Cha pter 2 7 :

L i m i t s on Mean i n g The I as K i n g

Time

to

Change

ix

Cha pter 30:

The I l l u s o ry I

31 0

Cha pter 31 :

Tyra n n y of the I

31 8

S E CTIO N T E N : K N OW L E D G E O F M I N D

327

C h a pter 3 2 :

Man euvers o f Min d

3 31

Cha pter 33:

D i rect i o n a l i ty of Co n sc i o u s n ess

340

Cha pter 34:

U n b o u n ded Mi nd

353

Cha pter 35:

K n ow l edge of Freedom

358

I ndex

371

P refac e

I[Y

lW

u r i n g t h e m o re t h a n sixteen years I h ave lived a n d worked i n t h is co u n t ry,

I

h ave e ngaged i n a wide

ra nge of proj ects a nd interacted w i t h peo p l e from many backgro u nds and occ u pa t i o ns. Hav i n g rec o u rse t o the wea l t h of t ec h n o l o gy and o p p o r t u nity t h i s soc i e ty affo rds, I h ave been a b l e to deve l o p a p u b lishing and pri n ting com pany, fou nd an educatio n a l instit u t e , w rite severa l boo ks, a n d b u i l d a spirit u a l cen ter, a l o n g wit h raisin g a f a m i l y. Many stu den ts a n d friends su p p o r t ed a n d w o r k ed wit h m e o n t h ese e ndeavo rs, but n o n e o f t h ese p ro j e c ts c o u l d h ave been acco m p lish ed wit h o u t k n o w l edge . Mo n t hs a n d so m et i m es years of prepara tio n were devoted to each p ro j e c t. Much tim e was spe n t l ea r n i n g t h e i n t ri cac i es o f t h e edu c a t i o n a l a n d b usi n ess syst e m s o f t h is cou n t ry a n d in st u dy i n g t h e t ec h n o l ogy, eq u i pm e n t, a n d m ateri a l s fo r p ri n t i n g a n d c o n st ructio n . I n additio n , it w as n ecessa ry to b u i l d a b asis that wo u l d support t h e growth a n d deve l o p m e n t of

XII

K nowledge of Freedom

t h e projects h o ped to accom p l i s h . A l th o u gh a l l of t h ese fie l d s were c o m p l ex a n d u n fa m i l i ar to me, the k n owledge we n eeded was ava i l a b l e a n d with effort c o u l d be g a i ned a n d a p p l ied. In wor k i n g with m y students a n d fri e n d s, I fou n d t h a t o u r greatest c h a l l enges c a m e not from tec h n i cal p ro b l e m s or l a c k of i n fo r m at i o n , b u t fro m a n other d i rect i o n a l t ogeth er. The d i ffi c u l t i es that most h i n dered o u r efforts were s e l f - i m posed l i m i tat i o n s t h at m ade even t h e m o st ded i cated s u p po rters o f t h ese p rojects vu l n erab l e to frustra t i o n a n d d i sappo i n t m ent. F ro m t h e very beg i n n i ng, t h e n a t u re o f my wo rk bro u g h t m e i n to c o n tact with peo p l e from a wide ra n ge of p rofes s i o n s, i nc l u d i n g educato rs, psyc holo g i sts, sc i e n t i st s , b u s i n e s s m e n , s h o p keepers, a rt i sts, and students of a l l ages. I n wo rk i n g with so many d ifferent peop l e ove r the years, I h ave h ea rd both young and o ld express the sa m e feel i ngs. M any peo p l e, d e s p i t e wea l t h , e d u c a t i o n , a n d s u ccess i n t h e i r c hosen occ u pa t i o n s , a re d i ssati sfi ed w i t h thei r l i ves a n d feel a deep i n n e r h u nger that t h ey d o not k now h ow to fi l l . Loo k i n g for so l u t i o n s t o o u r spec i fi c d i ffi c u l t i es d i d n o t seem to be t h e a n swer. I t seemed fa r m o re i m port a n t to q u es t i o n t h e u n d e r l y i n g patterns of per s o n a l d i ss a t i sfac t i o n , a n d to d i scover what was l i m i t i n g ac h i ev e m e n t a n d enjoyment of l i fe fo r so m a ny. Perhaps i n s i d e each pattern l ay the keys to a greater u n d e rs ta n d i n g. I n d i sc u ss i o n s w i t h m a n y peo p l e on a g reat vari ety of s u bjects, from physics a n d psyc h o l ogy to b u s i n ess a n d perso n a l asp i ra t i o n s a n d d i ffi c u l t i es, I fo u n d t h a t t h e i r respon ses t o u c hed u po n u n iversal h u m a n co ncerns.

Tim e to Cha nge

XIII

M a n y t o p i c s s u rfaced i n t h e se d i sc u s s i o n s : t h e pro b l e m s o f soc i e ty a n d t h e i n d i v i d u a l ; a t t i t u d e s towa rd s wo rk; d e fi n i t i o n s o f h a p p i n ess; m o t i vat i o n to ach i eve goa l s and react i o n s to c h a l l en ges a n d prob l e m s; the m ea n i n g o f respon s i b i l i ty, k n owledge, a n d freed o m . W e co m p a red t h e v i ews a n d at t i t u d es o f d i ffere n t c u l t u res, a n d c o n s i d e red t h e h i st o r i c a l i n fl u e n ces t h a t s h a ped t h e i r d eve l o p m e n t . W e a l so q u est i o ned t h e patterns o f l a n g u age a n d d i sc u ssed how l a n g u age a ff ects t h o u ght a n d co m m u n i c at i o n . Wh a t a re t h e d i ffi c u l t i es o f co m m u n i c a t i o n i f w e d o n o t h ave s h a red m ea n i ngs a n d va l u es? H ow we l l c a n w e c o m m u n i c a t e even w i t h i n a s h a red l a n g u ag e ? What s i g n i fi ca n c e d o e s t h i s h ave for t h e l o n e l i ness a n d i so l a t i o n that a ffect so many peo p l e ? H ow a re o u r att itudes towa rds work a n d I i fe a ff ected b y o u r u p bri n g i n g a n d t h e n eed t o adj u s t t o a co m p l ex way o f l i fe ? H ow does what we l earn early i n l i fe i n fl u e n c e the way w e t h i n k a n d wo rk, t h e q u a l ity o f o u r l i ves, our d e fi n i t i o n s o f s u ccess and h a p p i n es s ? As we exp l o red th ese a n d m a n y o t h e r q u es t i o n s, I observed general patte r n s to t h e res po n ses. Later, I exp l o red t h e i m p l i ca t i o n s of t h ese patt e r n s w i t h t h e peo p l e I was wo rk i n g w i t h m o st c l osely. I n exam i n i n g these patter n s i n their own l ives, m a n y ga i n ed val u a b l e i n s i g h ts a n d prov i d ed ad d i t i o n a l percep t i o n s t h a t deepened o u r i n q u i ri es. I n ti me, a s m i s s i n g deta i l s were fi l l ed i n , p a t t e r n s s h owed t h e m s e l ves m o re c l ea r l y . G ra d u a l l y , w h o l e p i c t u re s c a m e i n to v i ew thro u g h t h i s dyn a m ic of q u es t i o n i n g, refl ect i o n , a n d respo n se. A l t h o u g h t h e spec i f i c deta i l s m i g h t vary, t h e p a t t e r n s that were t r u e f o r o n e i n d i v i d u a l t u r n ed o u t to b e t r u e f o r o t h e rs as wel l .

XIV


T h e peo p l e wh o part i c i pated i n t h i s process fe l t t h a t what t h ey h a d learned had a l ready made a d i f ference i n t h e i r l i ves, and wo u l d be th e st a rt i n g po i n t o f a deeper i n q u i ry i n to m o re sati sfy i n g ways of bei n g a n d act i n g i n t h e wo r l d . A t t h e i r req u est, I agreed to prepare a seri e s of essays for p u b l icat i o n . T h e ed i tors o f D h a r m a P u b l i s h i n g co l l ected tal k s given over a period of nearly t h ree years a n d s h a ped t h e m i n to the essays t h at appear in t h i s vo l u m e . Over a per i od of many m o n t h s, I revi ewed t h e i r ed i t i n g and added n ew i n fo r m at i o n . M a n y o f t h e t o p i c s t h at appear i n t h i s boo k a re c l o s e l y r e l a t e d t o d a i l y l i f e a n d u n i versa l h u m a n d iffi c u l t i es . A l t h o u g h eac h essay foc u ses o n a d i ffere n t aspect o f modern l i fe, toget h e r t h ey offer a n approach t h a t m ay be u sef u l today: a d i rect i n q u i ry i nto t h e h u m a n s i t u a t i o n t h a t e n c o u rages t h e q uest i o n i n g o f a l l a spects o f exper i en c e. T h i s book i s o n l y t h e beg i n n i n g for what I h o pe can be a rewa rd i n g searc h i n to the n a t u re of the h u m an m i nd . T h ere m ay be no l i m i ts to how far we c a n extend o u r i nq u i ri es, and n o l i m i ts to o u r capac i ty for u nder stand i n g o u rselves a n d o u r worl d . I n t h e f u t u re, I plan to carry t h i s i nves t i gat i o n m u ch f u rth er, loo k i n g with greater d e p t h i nto the s tages o f h u m a n c o n s c i o u s ness. For n ow, I am g ratefu l for the opport u n i ty to offer t h e s e e s s a y s to a w i d e r a u d i e n c e . L o n g ago m y teac h e rs em p h a s i zed t h at a b a s i c k nowledge o f h u m a n n a t u re was esse n t i a l f o r a p rod u ct ive l i fe; i n t h e l i g h t of t h e i r wo rd s, I h o pe t h at i n s o m e s m a l l way t h ese essays wi l l pro m ote peace a n d harm o n y with i n t h e hea rts of t h ose w h o read t h e m , a n d t h at a l l who benefit from q u esti o n i n g t h e i r own l i ves wi l l extend what t h ey k n ow to the peo ples of the wor l d .

I n t ro d u ct i o n

W n owledge i s o u r b i rt h r i g h t a n d o u r i n s p i ra t i o n . � We a re a l i v i n g em bod i m e n t o f k n owledge: I t i s t h e key t o o u r evo l u t i o n a ry d eve l o p m e n t a n d t h e b a s i s of o u r s u rviva l . O u r be i n g had i t s o r i g i n i n k n ow l edge i m pri nted on two l i v i n g cel l s wh i c h p rod uced o u r presen t fo rm . O u r sen ses ' k n ow' h ow to see, s m e l l , and taste; o u r bod ies k n ow h ow t o b reat h e a n d how to bri n g n ew l i fe i n to b e i n g to c o n t i n u e t h e h u m a n heri tage. O u r m i n ds are recepta c l e s for t h e k n ow l edge of ages past . Treasu r i es of t h o u g h t and i n s p i ra t i o n , o u r m i nds e n a b l e u s t o ref l ect o n t h e past a n d co n ce ive d reams fo r the f u t u re. K n owl edge grants u s i n fi n i te opport u n i t i es for growt h . Every m o m en t of our ex peri e n ce i s k n ow l edge, a dyn a m i c i n terac t i o n of o u r b e i n g w i t h t h e c h a n g i n g wo r l d a ro u n d u s . O u r thoughts a n d speech a re m a n i festat i o n s of k n ow l ed ge. Eve n s u fferi n g i s k n ow l ed ge, a p o i n t e r to o u r

XVI


p ro b l e m s a n d l i m i t a t i o n s ; i t sh ows u s t h e need for g reater u n derstand i n g and m o t i vates us to i nvite k n owledge i n to o u r l ives. K n ow l edge j o i n s us to every h u m a n be i n g who has ever exi sted o n t h i s p l a net. A l t h o u g h barriers of t i m e a n d p l ace m ay separate u s, we a re never a l o n e . W e are b r o u g h t toget h e r by t h e u n iversal l a n g u age of the h u m a n h ea rt, wh i c h i s a l so k n owledge. A l l peo p l e s h a re t h e s a m e b a s i c n e e d s a n d des i res. We rejo i ce toget h e r in t i mes o f p l e n ty; we see in o u r ch i l d ren the h o pe for t h e f u t u re, a n d we grieve when th i s hope is taken f ro m us. W h i l e we s h a re a c o m m o n a l i ty w i t h oth e rs, each of us h as a u n i q u e l i fe sto ry that u n f o l d s l i ke a great d ra m a , f o rg ed from h o pes and dreams, act i o n s and i n te rac t i o n s . O u r every expe r i e n ce adds to our kn owl edge, a n d o u r every acti o n i s a n express i o n of what we k n ow. The ab i l i ty to l ea r n from o u r experience t h ro u g h o u t o u r I ives is a l so the g i ft of k nowledge. B u t o u r sto ries a re not a l ways h a ppy ones. W i t h i n a s i n g le d ay, we m ig h t experien ce m a n y o f t h e fee l i n gs t h a t c h a racterize t h e h u m a n c o n d i t i o n : des i re and fru strati o n , co n fi d ence and anxiety. The body that enables u s to experience the heights of raptu re i s the same body t h at m a kes us v u l nerable to pa i n . The m i nd that i s so adapted for k n owl edge can a l so torment u s w i t h m e m o r i e s , reg rets, g r i ef, fear, a n d e m o t i o n a l d i stress. After m o re t h a n a m i l l i o n years of evo l u ti o n , w e h ave y e t to fi nd t h e k n owl edge t h at wi l l sta b i l ize o u r h a p p i n ess and set u s f ree fro m s u fferi n g . I s t h e re so m et h i n g fu nd a m en t a l ly wro n g with o u r k n o w l e d ge ? I n i ts e l f , k n owl edge i s b e n e fi c i a l a n d l i bera t i n g . K n owledge h a s m ade i t poss i b l e f o r u s t o

Tim e

to

Cha nge

xv�i

s h a pe o u r envi ro n m e n t a n d to e n h a n ce o u r wel l bei n g; it has e n a b l ed u s t o c reate t h e freest a n d most prospero u s soc i et i es t h at h ave ever exi sted i n the h i story o f t h e wo r l d . O u r k n ow l edge i n c reases d a i ly, h o l d i n g out the pro m i s e of exte n d i n g freedom a n d prosperity to all t h e wo r l d ' s peo p les. Yet, wh i l e our k n owledge a n d f reedo m a p pear to be expa n d i n g, we seem to be l ess at ease w i t h o u r selves t h a n eve r before. Beneath t h e prospero u s s u r face of o u r l ives, we st i l l ex perience f r u s t ra t i o n a n d c o n f u s i o n , a n x i ety, a n d e v e n d e s p a i r . W i t h i n o u r soc ieti es, even t h e most fort u n ate a m o n g u s h ave l i t t l e h o pe of c o m p l e t e l i b era t i o n fro m f r u s t ra t i o n a n d d i ss a t i sfact i o n . Formal ed u c a t i o n m ay h e l p u s m a ke better c h o i ces for o u r l i ves, b u t offers n o g u a ra n tee t h a t o u r c h o i ces wi l l not l ead to pa i n . Perh aps after m a n y years of experien ce, we may deve l o p e n o u g h wisdom to sta b i l i ze our l i ves, and may fi n a l l y recog n i ze w h e re o u r grea test h o pes for sati s fac t i o n l i e. L i fe i s o u r g reatest teacher, b u t its lesso n s are often l earned too late a n d a t t h e cost of m uc h s u ffer i n g. W e m ay h ave t o repeat m i st a k es m a n y t i m e s b e f o r e we l e a r n , a n d so m e l essons we m ay n ever l ea r n at a l l . Dep e n d i n g o n whether we l earn q u i c k l y o r s l owly, we m ay h ave a happy or l ess happy l i fe. B u t eve n i f we as i n d iv i d u a l s become very wise, o u r h a pp i n es s c a n b e t h reat e n ed by soc i a l , e n v i ro n m e n t a l , a n d i n tern a t i o n a l pro b l e m s. After severa l h u n d red t h o u s a n d yea rs of accu m u la t i n g k nowledge, what w e k n ow does n o t i n s u re o u r pro tection from s u fferi n g . I f we co u l d see t h ro u g h t h e loc ked corridors o f t i m e a n d p a rt i c i pate d i re c t l y i n t h e e n t i re h u m a n

xviii

Knowledge o f Freedom

expe rien ce, perhaps we wo u l d be a b l e to d i scover the knowledge we n eed to l i ve a better l i fe. As l iv i n g h i st o r i a n s , co n te m po rary wit nesses to the u n fo l d i n g of past t i m e, w e c o u l d see d i rect l y t h e t ra n s fo rm a t i o n s that h ave taken p l ac e i n h u m a n c o n s c i o u s ness. We wo u l d know how fear was overc o m e when h u mans first m aste red t h e u se of fi re. We wou l d e n d u re the strugg l es for s u rvival in t h e ice ages a n d rej o i c e at t h e d eve l o p m e n t o f agri c u l t u re. O u r expe rience of l i fe i n t h e early cen ters o f c i v i l izat i o n wo u l d broad e n a n d d e e p e n c e n t u ry by c e n t u ry a s m a n k i n d g rad u a l l y s p read across t h e c o n t i n en ts. T h e fabric of c i v i l i z a t i o n wou l d be c l ea r in our m e m o ry : We wo u l d reca l l h u n d reds of c u l t u res over l a p p i n g i n ti m e a n d space, each c o n t ri bu t i n g a d i ffer e n t co l o r a n d shape to t h e g ra n d pattern . H ow many t i m es wo u l d we h ave fe l t t r i u m p h a n d d e feat as c i v i l i za t i o n s rose and fe l l ? We wo u l d have m a rve l ed at t h e b i rt h o f re l i g i o n and ph i l osop hy, and u n d erstood t h e i de a l s for w h i c h m en h ave l i ved and d i ed . After h u nd reds o f t h o u s a n d s of years o f experi e n ce, we wo u ld k n ow beyo n d a d o u bt t h e patterns of t h o u g h t a n d act i o n t h at l ead to s u fferi n g . We wo u l d k n ow t h e f u l l m ea n i n g of o u r h i story, a n d be free of t h e n eed to repeat t h e errors of t h e past. If al l o f us co u l d exp e r i e n ce s uch a j o u rn ey, o u r vers i o n o f t h e h u m a n sto ry m i g h t be f a r d i ffere n t from t h e l i fe l ess facts t h a t now co m p r i se o u r h i s to ry; revi tal i z ed by our ex p e r i e n ce, t h e past wo u ld become l i v i n g k nowledge that we c o u l d apply in our l ives today. S eei n g t h e pattern s u nd e r l y i n g l i fe i n a far m o re c o m p re h e n s ive l i g h t , we m i g h t not be so wi l l i n g to e n gage i n act i o n s t h at h ave a lways res u l ted i n s u ffer-

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i n g . Perhaps, after shedd i ng tears for co u n t l ess ce n t u ries, we wou l d g row weary o f fru st rat i o n , pa i n , and t h e waste of h u m a n l i fe. Aware of the cau ses o f s u f feri ng, we wo u l d k n ow what was t r u ly b e n eficial and how to b r i n g i t i n to be i n g. W i t h such u nd e rsta n d i n g , th ere wou l d be n o l i m i ts o n o u r v i s i o n f o r h u m a n being, and n o l i m i ts o n h u m a n freed o m . B u t w e do n o t have t h i s v i s i o n , a n d w e can n ot foresee t h e res u l ts o f o u r act i o n s. I t i s d ifficu l t to l earn the lesso n s o f t h e past, and co nvert past pa i n i n to present k n ow l edge. T h u s we h ave no cho ice but to repeat old patterns, h o p i n g t h at s o m e h ow wh at we do wi l l turn o u t d ifferen t ly t h a n i t d i d in t h e past . B u t wi t h o u t g reater k n owled ge, t h e f u t u re i s always u n certai n , a n d o u r h o pes m ay o n ly p reve n t u s f r o m see i n g t h e m agn i t u d e o f o u r p ro b l e m s. T h e k n ow l edge t h at h a s b ro u g h t u s wea l t h and p rosperity co u ld as eas i ly becom e t h e m ea n s o f destruct i o n o f h u ma n life o r even t h e a n n i h i l a t i o n o f l i fe o n o u r p l anet. O u r happi ness a n d o u r f reed o m , d ependent o n cond i t i o n s t h a t w e do n o t f u l ly u nd e rstand and ca n n ot co n t ro l , a re sti l l i n secu re. To p ro tect o u r freed o m o f t h o u gh t , word , and act i o n , we h ave m an y g u i d e l i n es a n d l aws. But even wh en o u r f reed o m s a re safegu a rded, even in a l a nd where t h e rights of t h e i n d iv i d u a l a re h o n o red, we have n o co m p l ete f reed o m o f ch o ice, for we ca n n o t choose n o t to suffer. No matter h ow fa r w e extend o u r i n d i v id u a l f reed o m s, o u r k n ow l e d g e i s n o t broad enough to m a ke o u r v i s i o n o f freedom a rea l i ty. Even t h e act i o n s we t a k e to e x p a n d o u r f reed o m a n d m ateri a l prosperity seem to h e i g h t e n o u r sense o f want i n g a n d i ncrease t h e l eve l of f r u st ra t i o n i n o u r

xx


l ives . T h e pa i n we experi ence bears w i t n e ss to o u r lack of k n owledge and the l i m i ta t i o n s o n o u r freed o m . W i t h o u t g reater k n owled ge, w e c a n n o t be cert a i n t h a t o u r act i o n s w i l l n o t bri n g s u fferi n g t o o u rselves a n d others. Con t i n u i n g to act u n k n owi n g l y i n the wo r l d , we can o n l y create m o re co n f u s i o n and s u ffer i n g in a wo rld a l ready overb u rd e n ed with h o pe l ess ness and p a i n . On a n a t i o n a l leve l , even we l l - i nten t i o ned act i o n s c a n bring a b o u t t h e oppo s i te of what we desi re : seri o u s i m ba l a n ces i n o u r e n v i ro n m e n t a n d t h e h e i g h te n i n g o f te n s i o n s t h a t e n d a n g e r wo r l d peace a n d pro s peri ty. H ow c a n we open ou r fi e l d of a l ternat ives a n d fi nd the k n owledge we n eed to ga i n t r u e freed o m ? We wa n t to be f ree to rea l i z e o u r fu l l pote n t i a l ; we wan t to be free to make fu l l u se of a l l t h e opport u n i t i es l i fe offers u s; we wa n t to be f ree to i nc o rporate a l l that i s g o o d i n to o u r l i ves, a n d be free o f a l l t h a t causes s u fferi n g and pai n ; we wan t to a ppreciate t h e beauty o f the wo r l d a n d the i n t i m acy o f co m m u n ic a t i o n with o t h e r h u m a n be i n gs. W h e t h e r o r not o u r w i s h es come t r u e depen d s upon t h e ra n g e of o u r v i s i o n a n d the k n ow l edge that i n fo r m s our act i o n s . H ow c a n w e d i scover w h a t i s t ru ly m ea n i n g f u l a n d benefi c i a l f o r h u m a n b e i n g s ? H ow c a n we bri n g t h e f u l l m ea n i n g of freed o m a l i ve i n o u r heart s ? K n owing that we d o n o t yet have t h e k n owledge we n eed is in itself k n owledge t h a t c a n o pen o u r m i n d s to a new pers pect ive o n freed o m . Reco g n i z i n g ou r n eed fo r g reater k n owledge, we c a n beg i n to w i d e n o u r v i s i o n . O u r l i ves, a n d the co n d i t i o n s u n d e r wh i c h we are p r i v i l eged to l ive, o ffer

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u s a l l t h e o pport u n i ty we n eed to c reate a freer, m o re sati sfacto ry way o f l i fe. O u r educat i o n h a s given u s t h e tools f o r i n q u i ry. W i t h o u t depen d i n g o n a n y d o g m a o r complex doctri n e , we c a n rely u po n o u r own i nt e l l i gence t o open u p n ew ways o f k n owi n g a n d bei n g . W e can read between t h e l i n e s of t h e h u m a n story, l o o k i n g for th emes a n d patterns u n d e r l y i n g pro b l e m s a n d pai n . W i t h t h i s broader u n d ersta n d i ng, w e c a n l o o k at o u r l ives, o u r soc ieti es, a n d o u r wo r l d fro m a new perspec t i ve, m o re aware of t h e repea t i n g patterns of h u m a n l i fe. Observ i n g l i fe, a n d reflect i n g u po n our experien ce, we can see m o re c l ea r l y the re l at i o n s h i ps between what we do and t h e res u l ts t h a t fo l l ow. W i t h t h e g rowth of i n s i g h t , we can l e a rn m o re q u i c k l y fro m every k i n d of expe rience, a n d free o u rse lves of t h e need t o respond to experi e n ce w i t h fru s t rati o n , a n ger, or pa i n . We c a n go even f u rt h e r a n d beg i n a dyn a m ic process o f observ i n g a n d convert i n g wh a t we learn i n to n ew k nowledge t h a t we a p p l y i n o u r l i ves. I f we bri ng a l l o u r k n owl edge to bear i n o u r wo rds and act i o n s , we can en g a g e each exp e r i e n c e o p e n Iy, without j u d g m e n t , as a n opport u n i ty to expand what we k n ow. As t h i s q u a l i ty of atte n t i o n to u c h es m o re and m o re o f o u r l i fe, experi ence bec o m e s m o re d ee p l y i n terest i n g a n d v i t a l . When w e v i ew wh atever h a p p e n s to us as a m an i festat i o n o f k n owl edge, knowl edge sh ows i ts e l f i n t h e res u l t s of our act i o n s. I n open i n g o u r m i n d s to knowl edge, we can d i s cove r a new form of respo n s i b i l i ty t h at wou l d offer greater h o pe for h a p p i n ess i n o u r soc ieties a n d i n t h e world. R at h er t h a n b e i n g a n o b l i g at i o n or a b u rd e n , respo n s i b i l i ty, bac ked by k n ow l ed ge, c a n be s e e n as

XXII


t h e free d o m to res p o n d t o o u r wo rld effec t ive l y a n d who l e h ea rted ly. Respo n d i n g i n th i s way, w e t a k e care o f o u rselves ' i n t i me'; we h ave a l o n g- ra n ge v i s i o n for o u r l ives, and can ad d ress pote n t i a l pro b l e m s before t hey bec o m e so u rces o f d i s t ress a n d affl i c t i o n for o u rselves or for o t h ers. W h e n we h ave the cou rage to face d i rectly the p ro b l e m s in o u r l ives and i n soci ety, and recogn ize o u r n eed f o r g reater k n owl edge, w e h o n o r t h e freedo m t h i s soci ety h a s g iv e n u s a n d t a k e res po n s i b i l i t y fo r b ro a d e n i n g i ts m ea n i n g i n o u r own l i ves. F ree i n g o u rselves o f pro b l e m s, w e red u ce t h e a m o u n t of s u fferi n g in t h e wor l d a n d i n c rease the pote n t i a l for o t h e rs to g a i n g reater freedo m for t h e m se l ves. When we n o l o n ger h ave t o pay wi t h our t ears for the privi l ege of l iv i ng a h u m a n l i fe, the k n owledge we ga i n is tru l y free. K n owled ge, freed o m , and respo n s i b i l i ty are o u r m o st va l u a b l e assets, t h e esse n t i a l i n g red i e n t s f o r o u r growt h a n d p rosperity. W i t h t h e m o u r pote n t i a l for g rowth is u n l i m i te d . Each is a c a t a lyst fo r the ot her: K n ow l edge g i ves m ea n i n g to freed om , a n d our re spon s i ve n ess creates an o pe n n ess to n ew k n owledge. O u r freed o m a l l ows us to tap a l l o u r reso u rces for k n owledge, and g i ve s us roo m a n d opport u n i ty for a c t i o n . B u i l d i n g u po n t h i s fo u n d a t i o n , e a c h o f u s cou l d co n t r i b u te t o a n ew m o d e l of h a p p i ness and prospe r i ty based u po n t h e u n bo u n ded f reed o m of the h u man m i nd. W h atever w e learn w e c a n s h a re with o t hers, for every h u m a n be i n g s h a res i n t h e d iffi c u l ties t h a t we c o n f ro n t i n o u r own l i ves. W h at g reater g i ft c o u l d we

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offer t h a n rel ief fro m s u fferi ng a n d p a i n ? O u r ch i l d ren wi l l ben efi t fro m th i s k n ow l edge a s wel l , passi n g o n what t h ey l ea rn to t h e i r own c h i l d re n . I n t h i s way, each of us c a n h e l p to u pl i ft t h e v i s i o n of h u m a n dest i ny for genera t i o n s to c o m e . Were m a ny peo p l e to do t h i s , we cou l d project an i m ag� of freedom so stro n g ly that obsta c l e s to peace, j oy, prosperity, a n d love wo u l d h ave no p l ace t o take root. I l l u m i n ated by knowledge, o u r co l l ective v i s i o n co u l d sh i n e l i k e a beacon far i n to t h e f u t u re, po i nt i n g t h e way for a n i n fi n ite expa n s i on o f a l l t h at i s good fo r h u m a n bei ngs.

o

DDTI

1TD[[ffi�

C H A PT E R

1 : THE

H U M A N I N H E R I TA N C E

Beg i n n i n gs of t h e u n iverse

5

Early form s of l i fe o n earth

6

The fi rst h u m a n b e i n g s

7

The em ergence of l a n g u age

8

B i rt h of h u m a n k n ow l edge

9

Early soc i a l structu res

9

R i se of civi I ization Li terate u rban c u l t u re

9 10

G rowt h of k n owledge

11

L i n k i n g of c u l t u res

12

Science and tech n o logy

12

The h u m a n l egacy

13

C H A PT E R

2:

R E S PO N D I N G TO T I M E

Q ue ryi n g h u m a n pote n t i a l

16

Meas u rement o f t i m e

17

K n ow l edge of past t i m e

17

Co n n ect i o n s w i t h t h e past

18

Repeat i n g pattern s

18

K n owledge a n d act i o n

19

I n tent i o n a l i ty a n d c reat ivity

20

See i n g the prese n t

20

Creat i n g t h e f u t u re I m p l ication of t i m e

20 20

Experi e nc i n g i n t i m e

21

C H A PT E R

3 : QU E ST I O N I N G

MIN D

Recept ivi ty to k n ow l edge

23

Q uest i o n s o f c h i l d hood

23

S i m p l ic ity of bas i c q u est i o n s

24

Q u e st i o n i n g ass u m pt i o n s I ndivid u a l basis f o r k n owin g

24 25

New perspect ives

26

Q uest i o n s a s pathway to freedo m

26

1

The Human Inheritance

We exist in a rare moment of stability, dependent upon a delicate balance that could change at any time.

n i ke c h i l d re n , we fi n d i t d i ffic u l t to bel i eve i n a t i m e Lb before t h e wo rld we k n ow took s h ape, a t i m e when the h o u se we i n h a b i t h ad n o t been bu i l t, when its l u m ber was t rees, its n a i l s roc k - e m b edded ore, i ts wi ndows sand a l o n g t h e ocea n's s h o re. Fro m o u r perspect ive, t h e u n iverse see m s vast a n d eter n a l , t h e earth fi xed i n i ts o rb i t , t h e m o u n t a i n s a n d oceans c h a n ge l ess. Each d ay the su n a p pears in the s ky, each n i ght t h e moon reflects i t s l i gh t . The p l a n e t m oves i nva r i a b l y t h ro u g h the seaso n a l ro u n d . Eve n o u r civi l i z a t i o n , t h o u g h co n sta n t l y c h a n g i ng, see m s to e n d u re. Yet fro m a d i ffere n t pers pec t i ve, m a t ters m ig h t seem otherwi se. Loo k i n g at the even i n g s ky, we m ay bec o m e awa re of stand i n g on a p l a n e t t h at i s m ovi n g th ro u g h space a n d wo nder h ow it a l l beg a n . In o u r m i n d ' s eye we can envision t h e far-fl u n g reaches of s pace, em pty a n d vast, p u l s i n g wi t h pri m o rd i a l e n e rgy. R h yt h m s d e -

6


velop, r i pp l i ng w i t h m o m e n t u m a n d d i rect i o n . As the dyn a m ic o pe n n es s o f s pace gives rise to q u a l i t i es and textu res, i n n u m erab l e a ppearan ces dance i n to bei ng -sub-ato m ic , a to m ic , m o l ec u l a r- a n d form more co m p l ex pattern s. G aseo u s c l o u d s begi n to glow a n d s p i n i n to p l anets a n d stars. Today i t i s bel i eved t h at o u r own p l a net spun i n to existence m o re t h a n fo u r t h o u sa n d m i l l i o n yea rs ago. A roc ky c ru s t so l i d i fi ed ; t h e atmosphere grad u a l ly deve l o ped; ra i n s fe l l a n d ocea n s fi l l ed . I n s l ow but u nceas i n g move m e n t , co n t i n en t s d ri fted ove r the oceans, j o i n i n g toget h e r a n d s p l i t t i n g apart, their c o l l i si o n s c reat i n g giant m o u n t a i n ranges. W i nd and rain l evel ed the peaks and gro u n d rock i n to so i l . T h e o r b i t of t h e earth and its t i l t toward the s u n s h i fted in cyc les, wh i l e the magnetic poles c h a n ged back and forth, t i m e and t i m e agai n . H u ge ice caps covered vast stretches of l a n d a n d ret reated . I s l an d s rose from t h e ocean fl o o r t h rough vo lcanic act i o n , a n d l a ke s d ried to bec o m e desert. For aeons t h i s drama took place with no l i v i n g c reat u re p resent. H u n d reds of m i l l i o n s of years ago, the fi rst l i fe fo r m s e m e rged in t h e ocea n s , as cert a i n m o l ecu les fo u n d a way of rep l i ca t i n g t h e m se l ves and formed s i m p l e cel l s. True an i m a l s , s u c h as j e l l yfi s h , arose from many cel l s a rran ged as a s i m p l e , u n stable body with barely deve l o ped sen se o rga n s . Accord i n g to present k n owledge, a n i m a l bod i es grad u a l l y became more c o m p lex. F o l ded l ayers of cel l s formed t u be- l i ke wo r m s , o pen at each e n d . O r i e n t ed a l o n g an axis, t h i s n ew k i n d of b o d y had m o re develo ped sensory organs and n e rves c l u stered at one e n d . A m o u t h con nected t h e i n s i d e of t h e l i fe form to t h e o u t s i d e wo r l d .

Time to Change

7

Based o n t h i s s i m p l e patte r n , m o re c o m p l i cated l i fe forms·arose- fi sh , a m p h i b i a n s, a n d rept i l es, b i rds, a n d m a m m a ls-va r i a t i o n s o n a fo u r- l i m bed, h o l low body arranged a l o n g a n axis of n e rves. M o re co m p lex sense organ s cen tered arou n d t h e head, i nt e ract i ng w i t h t h e wo rld t h rough n u m ero u s apertu res. B reath flowed rhyth m ic a l l y t h ro u g h t h e body, enteri n g a n d e m e rgi n g t h rough t h e m o u t h a n d nose. M u sc l es a n d o rga n s t h a t develo ped a l o n g t h i s c h a n n e l m a d e poss i b l e a vari ety of sou n d s t h at became forms of co m m u n i cat i o n . A n i m a l s fo r m ed e l e m e n t a ry soc i a l struct u res s u c h a s those fou nd i n schools o f fi s h a n d flocks o f b i rd s. For ages before h u m a n bei ngs a p pea red , ' l owe r a n i m a l s' ru l ed the eart h . T h e E ra of F i shes, when most land was benea t h ocean s, was fo l l owed by the E m p i re of the D i n os a u rs, when h u ge repti l es roa m ed t h e forests of t h e wo r l d . A s t h e d i nosa u rs m yster i o u s l y d i sa p peared, m a m m a l s g rew l a rger a n d eve n t u a l l y dom i n ated t h e p l a net. L o n g befo re t h e earl i est I nd i a n s estab l i shed t h e i r fi rst set t l e m e n ts, t h ree-toed ho rses, rh i n oceroses, a n d c a m e l s l eft t h e i r re m a i n s on American so i l . The ear l i est h u m a n s seem t o h ave e m e rged m o re than a m i l l i o n years ago. T h o u g h based o n t h e o l der four- l i m bed pattern, t h e bod i e s of t h ese fi rst h u m a n bei n gs were o r i e n ted toward t h e e n vi ro n m e n t i n a n ew way. Thei r u p r i g h t sta n c e a n d f o rward - fac i n g eyes gave thei r v i s i o n wide perspec t ive a n d g reat dept h . Eve n t u a l ly, t h e i r h i g h ly d eve l o ped sense o rga ns a n d fl ex i b l e i n te l l igence we re matched b y t h roats a n d m o u t h s capa b l e o f m a k i n g a ra n ge o f c o m p l ex so u nd s . W i t h expressive faces, a n d a r m s a n d h a n d s free to gest u re, p o i n t , a n d g rasp objects, h u m a n be i n gs possessed u n iq u e a b i l ities to co m m u n i cate with each o t h e r . As

8


th ese capab i l i t i es deve l o ped , h u m a n s pa ssed on t h e i r k n owl edge fro m gen erat i o n t o generat i o n , bu i l d i n g t h e i r u n d e rsta n d i n g of t h e i r wo r l d and m o l d i n g th e i r s u rro u n d i n gs t o accord w i t h t h e i r w i s h es. B a n d s of early h u m a n s sp read t h ro u g h o u t most of t h e wo r l d . P h ys i c a l l y wea k a n d defe n se l ess com pared to m a n y a n i m a l s, t h ey s u rv i ved by j o i n i n g toget her i n c l a n s , coopera t i n g t o h u n t l a rge game a n d gather roots a n d ed i b l e veget a t i o n . They m ade too l s o u t of sto n e a n d c l ot h ed t h e m selves i n a n i m a l s k i n s . F ro m n a t u ra l forest fi res, h u m a n be i n gs too k f l a m e s a n d l earned to keep t h e m a l ive. N ow t h ey cou ld l i ve i n c o l d e r reg i o n s , cook food , a n d f r i g h te n away a n i m a l s . G at h eri ng a ro u n d t h e i r fi res for safety and com pan i o n s h i p , t h ey c o m m u n i cated i n a way n o a n i m a l had before. Perhaps e m e rg i n g fi rst as m u rm u red so u n ds of comfo rt or c ri es of d a nger a n d n eed , t h e rhyt h m s of speech g rew grad u a l l y m o re e l a bo rate a n d d i sti nct. Peo p l e began to u se so u n d s i n a n ew way . Remem ber i n g a n d repeat i n g a so u n d , two peo p l e c o u l d ag ree u p o n t h e n a m e t h a t wo u l d d i st i n g u i s h a part i c u l a r person o r object. Over a l o n g period of t i m e , many sen sory i m press i o n s- s i g hts, so u n d s , tex t u res, tastes, a n d smel l s - were i d e n t i fied a n d l i n ked t o so u n d s. Sy m bols scratc hed i n to t rees o r sto n e or d rawn u pon the gro u n d co u l d be c o n n ected to part i c u l a r so u n d s . By m ea n s of sym bo l s and p i c t u res, m ea n i n g co u l d be conveyed in t h e absence o f so u n d or t h e physical object. U s i n g t h e i r a b i l i t i es to d i scri m i n ate a n d re mem ber, h u m a n be i n gs observed t h e i r wo rld a n d its patterns,

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9

n o t i n g si m i larit ies a n d relat i o n sh i ps, a n d m a d e as s u m pt i o n s based on t h e i r past exper i e nce. G ra d u a l ly, s i m p l e concepts gave ri se to more co m p l ex ways of t h i n k i ng, and h u m a n s co u l d refl ect d i ffere n t ly u po n themselves a n d t h e wo rld . Peo p l e bega n t o obse rve natu ral cycles a n d learned to p redict t h e i r recu rrence. T h e awa reness of our a ncestors ranged beyo n d the knowl edge needed for s i m p l e surv i va l . Respo n d i n g to the move m e n t and bea uty o f t h e i r wo r l d , certa i n peo ples expressed i n sym b o l ic d rawi n gs m ea n i n gs t h at co u l d not be co m m u n icated verba l l y. H u m a n fi g u res, a n i m a l fo rms, a n d other a rt i st ic sh apes d rawn on cave wa l l s expressed d ee p i n n er res p o n ses to expe rience. F ro m re m e m b ered experie nces, h u m a n bei ngs bega n to sel ect a n d reco u n t i m porta n t eve n t s. T h ey named the u n seen forces t h a t co u ld give l i fe o r take it, and fo u n d ways o f d e fi n i n g t h e i r re lat i o n s h i p to the aweso m e powers that lay beyo n d h u m a n con tro l . T h i s kn owl ed ge m ay h ave co m e m o re read i ly t o some than t o oth e rs; t h e ' k n owi n g o n es', both fea red and respected, beca m e h ea l ers a n d g u i d es, ch a n n e l s t o powers others co u ld n o t co m preh e n d . T h ey i n struct ed t h e ir peo p l e in the order of the wo rl d , s h ow i n g t h e m the att i t u d es a n d actio n s t h at wou l d h a r m o n i ze with the great powers a n d e n s u re s u rv i v a l . Over t i m e, knowledge was accu m u lated and o rga n ized, and concepts a n d bel i efs were s h a ped i n to m ore abstract thought. For h u n d reds o f t h o u sa n d s of years, early h u m a n s l i ved i n s m a l l g ro u ps as h u nters a n d gat h e rers. About ten thousand years ago a revo l u t i o n ary even t took

10


p lace- t h e d i scovery t h a t p l a n t s c o u l d be c u l t ivated. Do mestica ted stra i n s of food crops soo n fo l l owed ; t h e p l ow was i nvented, and even t u a l l y t h e whee l . As h u m a n s s e t t l ed i n to l a rger co m m u n i t i es, th ey d evel o ped basic tec h n o l o g i e s : pottery, bas ketry, t h e weav i n g o f c l o t h , a n d t h e s m e l t i n g a n d forg i ng o f m et a l s . A n i m a l s were d o m e st i cated and t ra i n ed a s h u n ters, p rotectors, a n d beasts o f b u rden, and we re u sed as depen d a b l e so u rces o f food a n d c l ot h i ng. As h u m a n l i fe g rew m o re c o m p l ex, h u m a n bei n gs deve l o ped a f u l l e r u nd erstan d i ng of n a t u ra l cyc les a s we l l a s a m o re e l a borate v i s i o n o f t h e i r p l ace i n t h e wo rld. About five o r s i x t h ou sa n d years ago, the rhyt h m s o f h u m a n c i v i l i za t i o n sh i fted aga i n . U rban c i v i l izations took s h a p e i n the g reat va l l eys along t h e N i l e, the I nd u s, the H u a n g - po , a n d the Tigris a n d E u p h rates rive rs. U rban co m m u n i t i e s evo lved more c o m p l ex forms of soc i a l o rg a n i z at i o n . D i st i n c t c l a sses grad u a l ly d eve l o ped- farm ers, m e rc h a n ts, ad m i n i strators, and pri ests- s u p p o rt i n g t h e g rowth of tec h n o l ogy and m ateri a l wea l t h . Large-sca l e pyra m i d s, tem p l es, and i rr i ga t i o n n e two rks that req u i red p l an n i n g and co opera t i o n were b u i l t . N ew m et a l o res and a l l oys were d i scovered a n d fash io n ed i n to fi ner weapo n s , orna m e n ts, a n d too l s . M o re freq u e n t a n d varied soci a l i n terac t i o n s af fected t h e deve l o p m e n t of l a ngu age. Even t u a l l y writ ten records were kept, scratc h ed fi rst o n c l ay tokens, bones, o r wood, then u po n t a b l ets, a n d l a te r written with i n k on l eaves, bark, or paper made from p l a n ts. Over t h e cen t u ri es, l i terate a n d a r t i s t i c c u l t u res a rose a n d fl o u ri s h ed . D rawi n g on t h e ac h i evements

Tim e to Change

11

of the past a n d i nfl u enc ed b y n e i g h bo r i n g c u l t u res, each c i v i l izat i o n c reated its own trad i t i o n s o f l a n g uage, a r t , arc h i t ec t u re, p h i l o so p h y, re l i g i o n , a n d tec h n o l ogy. C a l e n d a rs, a l p h abets, a n d a rt styles were shared. As each c i v i l i z a t i o n reac hed i t s peak a n d dec l i n ed, new c u l t u res a rose i n t u rn . T h e b u i l d i n g o f pyra m i d s a n d z i gg u rats gave way to pi l l a red tem p l es and orn ate p a l aces; a r m i es o f ho rse-d rawn c h a riots were s u p p l a n ted by m o u n ted a r m o red cav a l r i es. Some c u l t u res end u red f o r t h o u s a n d s of years; others spra n g up o n l y to be q u i c k l y overru n or abso rbed by t h e i r n e i g h bors in wars l o n g s i nce forgotten. E n t i re c u l t u res m ay h ave d i sappeared, t h e i r kn owledge l o s t to u s . G reat l i braries, repos i to ri e s o f a n c i e n t wisd o m , were destroyed b y t h ose who d i d n o t com pre h e n d t h e i r va l ue. S o m et i m es t h e vanq u i sh ed a bsorbed t h e i r c o n q u erors, c rea t i n g a n ew c u l t u ra l syn thesis. I nt erac t i n g a n d overl a ppi n g i n t i m e a n d space, c u l t u ra l forms s h i f ted t h ro u g h t h e m i l l e n i a l i ke t h e patterns o n a k a l e i d o scope. W i t h i n m a n y c u l t u res, bod i es of oral a n d written knowledge grew up aro u n d the i n s i g h t s of g reat seers, t h i n kers, and h o l y m e n . T rad i t i o n s t h a t arose to preserve and pass o n t h i s k n ow l edge s t i m u l ated a l l aspects o f c u l t u re, i n c l u d i n g l i t e r a t u re, m ed i c i n e, art, a n d a rc h i tectu re. M a n y schoo l s o f p h i losophy came i n to be i n g. Th ere were a l so seekers who sen sed t h e i n c o m pl eteness of h u m a n k n owledge. T h e q u est i o n s t h ey rai sed c h a l lenged ex i s t i n g v i ews of t h e h u m a n co n d i t i o n . T h e k n ow l edge t h at g rew o u t o f t h e i r q u e r i es passed i nt o estab l i s h ed soc i eties, where i t catalyzed

12


n ew i n si g h t s a n d b u rsts of c reati vi ty, e n ri c h i n g and b road en i n g h u m a n u n d e rsta n d i ng . M a n y of t h e wo rld's grea t c i v i l i z a t i o n s were even t u a l l y l i n ked togeth er, as adve n t u ro u s ex p l o rers and m e rc h a n ts fo u nd ro u tes between sea coasts a n d across d esert s. T h e k n ow l edge of mova b l e type a n d pa per m a k i n g spread fro m Ch i n a to E u ro pe and the M i d d l e E a s t . T h e A ra bs, bo rrowi n g I n d i a n n u m e ra l s, deve l o ped a lgebra a n d t r i go n o m etry. K n owledge t rad i t ions from Asi a were c a r r i ed along trade ro u t es toward the west, wh i l e western t rad i t i o n s fo u n d t h e i r way east. As pra c t i c a l k n owledge grew, ra i s i n g t h e standard o f l i v i n g for m a n y c u l t u res, d e m a n d s for goods and reso u rces a l so i n c reased , e n co u rag i n g t h e search for trade routes t o m o re and m o re d i st a n t l ands. G rowi n g co ntact between c u l t u res e n c o u raged t h e d iff u s i o n of k n ow l edge a n d the s p read o f re l i g i o u s and c u l tu ra l val ues, s o m et i m es transform i ng o r d estroy i ng whole soc i et i es. In Asia, T u r ks, Arabs, and M o n g o l s esta b l i s hed vast e m p i res whose i n fl u e n c e s pread even i n to E u rope a n d A f r i c a, a l teri n g the pattern s of c u l t u re t h ey enco u n tered . A s t h e k nowledge h e l d by t h e G reeks d i sappeared i n t h e West, i t was kept a l i ve i n t h e M i d d l e East; l ater, its ret u rn to E u rope sparked a re n a i ssance. As E u ro pean s began a c t ively ex p l o r i n g t h e rest of the wor l d , m a n y c i v i l i z a t i o n s i n A s i a began t o feel t h e i m pact of a d i ffere nt way of l i fe. In t h e A m e ricas, the I n d i an c u l t u res a n d the a n c i e n t Aztec a n d I n ca c i v i l i zat i o n s cru m bl ed u n d er t h e E u ro pea n con q u est. D u r i n g the ei ghteenth cent u ry the sci ences and tec h n o l og i es t h a t h ad a r i se n o u t of t h e rena issa n ce i n t h e West began t o c h a n ge t h e face o f t h e wo r l d . O n e

Tim e to Change

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i nven t i o n fo l l owed a n o t h e r i n rapid s u ccess i o n : t h e steam e n g i n e , t h e t h resh i n g m a c h i n e , t h e cotton g i n , a n d t h e early telegraph; t h e cy l i n d e r p r i n t i n g p ress, t h e e l ectro m a g n e t i c motor, t h e reap i n g m a c h i n e , a n d t h e telephone. Soon t h e d i scovery of cel l s, bacteria, a n d x- rays c h a n ged t h e world of m ed i c i n e . I n t h i s c e n tu ry, q u a nt u m t h eo ry, re l at i v i ty t h eo ry, and the s p l i t t i n g of t h e atom h ave opened a n ew e ra of n u c l ea r tec h n o l ogy and revo l u t i o n i zed o u r concepts o f t i m e and space.

rr e n t u ry after cent u ry, h u m a n c u l t u re h as b u i l t � u pon i tself. T h e l i g h t n i n g t h a t s t a rted t h e fo rest fi res wh ere early m a n sto l e h i s fi rst fl a m es was l ater tapped for proof of e l ec t r i c i ty . S o l i d -w h ee l ed c a rt s i n sp i red spo ked -wheeled c h ar i ots, a n d even t u a l l y ra i l road t ra i n s a n d a u to m o b i l es. Levers, p u l l eys, axles, and gears have been refi ned a n d powe red i n t u rn by h o rses and oxe n , stea m , e l e c t r i c i ty, a n d gaso l i n e. N o w more powerfu l f u e l s propel a i r p l a n e s t h at c r u i se at s u person ic speed s a n d roc kets that t ravel t h ro u g h o u t e r space, exp l o r i ng t h e pl a n e t s o u r a n cestors cou ld only ad m i re in the n i g h t sky. Man k i n d ' s earl i est exc l a m a t i o n s of ' A h ! ' a n d ' O h ! ' h ave g i v e n b i rt h to great l i b ra r i e s o f boo ks; o u r fi rst e fforts at w ri t i n g w i t h sticks o n p i eces of c l ay h ave matu red i n to e l ectro n i c carv i ngs o n magnet i c d i scs. Vast co m m u n icat i o n s n e tworks l i n ked b y sate l l i tes orb i t i n g twenty t h o u s a n d m i l es a bove t h e earth t ra n s m i t s i g n a l s w o r l d w i d e . E m e rg i n g f ro m the u se of sto ne t o o l s , coo k i n g fi re, water j u gs, and a n i m a l s k i n s, h u m a n civi l i za t i o n h a s s p i ra l ed i n to a rea l m u n i m a g i n a b l e to o u r a n cestors. A l t h o u g h our m od ern tech n o l o g i c a l soc i et i e s d raw u pon at least ten t h o u sa n d years of civi l i za t i o n and

14


h u n d reds of t h o u sa n d s , perh a ps m i l l i o n s of years of h u m a n p reh i story, on a cos m i c ti m escale, a l l t h at h a s occu rred to h u m an bei ngs o n o u r eart h h a s u n fo l d ed i n less t h a n a n i n st a n t . O u r p l a net and the s u n that n o u ri s h e s it were bro u g h t i nto being by a c o n j u n c t i o n o f c o n d i t i o n s t h a t we d o not fu l l y u nd erstan d . E l e m e n t s c reated i n u n k n own parts o f t h e u n i verse ga t h e red toget h e r, stab i l i z i n g i n a dyn a m i c bal ance to form the feat u res of o u r wor l d . I n ti m e, t h ey gave r i se to a spec i a l stra n d o f m o l ec u les capable of cod i n g for l iv i n g c e l l s . I n a process that st i l l seems m i rac u l o us, the earth bec a m e fi l l ed with i n n u m era b l e fo r m s of l i fe. A m o n g t h ese, we are t h e most rec ent and poss i bly the m ost i n te l l i g e n t . Desp i te o u r sense o f perm a n e nce o n t h i s ea rth, we e x i s t i n a ra re m o m e n t of stab i l i ty, dependent u pon a d e l i cate b a l a n c e that c o u l d c h a n ge at a n y t i m e. L i k e g u ests who c o m e to v i s it, t h e forces that h ave c reated o u r wo r l d a n d bro u g h t u s i n to be i n g may not stay the n ight. A l t h o u g h w e c a n n o t k n ow t h e d u ra t i o n of o u r t i m e, i n t h i s present m o m e n t w e h ave a precious o p port u n i ty to part i c i p ate fu l l y i n l i fe a n d rea l i ze the d e st i n y o f h u m a n bei n g . H u m a n creat i v i ty a n d i ntel l i gence h ave brought forth a n u n i m a g i n a b l e vari ety of forms that h ave c a rr i ed u s far fro m our earl i est begi n n i n gs; now we a re c a pa b l e of d rawi ng u pon the fu l l l egacy o f h u m an experi ence. H ow c a n we best b u i l d u p o n what h a s been gi ven us by nature and by the efforts of those who h ave gone before us? W h a t fut u re s h a l l we fa s h i o n for o u rselves a n d for those who fo l l ow after us? What wi sd o m wi l l

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i n form o u r act i o n s ? W h at v i s i o n wi l l g u i d e a n d i n s p i re u s to preserve a l l t h a t i s good fo r h u m a n b e i ngs a n d for o u r earth, a n d to set a s i d e a l l t h at i s d estructive? I f the c u l t u re s o f t h e wo rld were l i n ked togeth e r i n frien d s h i p a n d peace, s h ari n g k n owledge, tec h n o l og ies, a n d res o u rces t o u p l i ft a l l h u m a n bei ngs, what l i m i t wo u l d th ere be to t h e benefits that cou l d be rea l i zed ? D rawi ng upon the fu l l power o f h u m a n i n te l l igence, we c a n seek o u t t h e root c a u ses o f d i ffi cu l t ies between i n d i vi d u a l s, c u l t u res, a n d n at i o n s , a n d d i scover t h e k n ow l edge w e need to c reate t h e best future poss i b l e for a l l the wo r l d ' s peo p l es.

2

Re s p o n d i n g to Ti m e

Where is our present knowledge rooted, if not in patterns of thought so deeply ingrained that they may be imprinted in our consciousness and genes?

1;;\ s h u m a n be i n gs, we can c h oose o u r way of I.J=-0:, be i n g i n t h e wo r l d . We have c o n s c i o u s n ess; we a re capab l e of respo n d i n g c reatively to o u r s u rro u n d i ngs. O u r experi e nce, s h a ped i n to k nowledge b y o u r rat i o n a l m i n d s , can be t ra n s m i t ted to o u r d esce n d a n ts. Because we h ave th ese capab i l i t i es, we h ave the pot e n t i a l for l i be ra t i n g o u rse l ves from cond i t i o n s that l i m i t m a n y o t h e r forms of l i fe. But h ow we l l d o we u nd erstan d o u r poten t i a l ? Do we k n ow t h e who l e c o n text o f h u m a n l i fe? Our l i ves u n fo l d in t i m e : O u r t i m e i s our energy a n d o u r l i fe. A l l that i s k n owa b l e i s i n t i m ately con n ected to t i m e. B u t the n at u re of t i m e i t se l f re m a i n s myster i o u s . W e d o not k n ow w h e n h u m a n beings began to t h i n k abo u t t i m e, o r c o n s i d e r h ow t h e i r act i o n s i n t h e presen t m i g h t affec t t h e i r s u rvival o r

Time to Change

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t h e i r wel l - b e i n g i n t h e f u t u re . A t so m e po i n t, o b serv i ng the cyc l e s o f n at u ra l p h e n o m e n a, our a ncestors l earned to measure what t h ey c o u l d n o t c o m p re h e n d . I n d ivid i n g t i m e i n to h o u rs, years , c en t u ries, a n d aeons, t hey arranged eve n t s in a l i near progres s i o n , carv i n g o u t an a rea i n wh i c h h u m a n t h o u g h t a n d a c t i o n assu med centra l i m portance. A n c h o red to a fixed po i n t of refere nce t h at we term t h e present, we reac h back in t i m e to u n d e rsta n d o u r h i sto ry and l o o k a h ead t o a n t i c i pate t h e f u t u re. W h o wou l d n ow q u es t i o n t h i s c o n c e p t of t i m e, wh i c h frames t h e context of o u r expe rience? Yet wi t h i n o u r fra m ewo rk o f past, p resen t, a n d f u t u re, h ow c o m p l ete is o u r k n ow l edge, a n d h ow we l l is it s e rv i n g o u r needs? From o u r van tage po i n t in t h e presen t , we h ave p i eced toget her what we k n ow of o u r past. Exp l o r i n g t h e s i tes of early h a b i t a t i o n s a n d excava t i n g t h e eart h , we s i ft t h ro u g h g reat g a p s i n t i m e f o r c l u es t o o u r origin s . W e s t u d y a n c i e n t l i t erary, c u l t u ra l , a n d re l i g i o u s t rad i t i o n s that h ave persi st ed t o t h e prese n t d ay; we exa m i n e h i sto r i c a l record s that d o c u m e n t t h e r i se and fa l l of l i t e rate c i v i l i za t i o n s . B u t t h e t h read of dyna m i c m ea n i n g t h a t co u l d b i n d o u r fac ts toge t h e r and g i ve t h e m re l evance t o o u r l iv i n g experience see m s beyo n d o u r reac h . F o r a l l o u r effo rts, the story o f our past re m a i n s frag m e n t a ry; o u r i n ter pret a t i o n s o f h i st o ry a re b ased o n i n c o m p l ete i n for m a t i o n. O ra l and re l i g i o u s t rad i t i o n s t a ke t h e i r fu l l mea n i n g fro m va n i s h ed c u l t u ra l con texts for wh i c h we may h ave lost t h e keys. Perh a p s o u r a n cestors rel i ed o n ways of k nowi n g t h a t we n o l o nger t r u s t ; perhaps

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t h e i r concepts a n d va l u es were rooted i n bel ief system s t h a t h ave n o re l evance to o u r p resent experi e nce. Writte n records may be d i sto rted t h rough b i as, l i m i ted k n owl edge, and l a pses in h u m a n observat i o n . A lt h o u gh f u l l u nd ersta n d i n g of o u r p a s t d oes not now seem poss i b le, we may st i l l be t i ed to t h e past in ways that b l i n d us to i t s power. W h e re i s o u r present k n ow l edge rooted , if not in patte r n s of t h o u g h t so deeply i ngra i n ed that t h ey may be i m pri n ted in o u r co n sci o u s n es s a n d g e n e s ? T h e past l i ves o n i n o u r t h o ug h t s a n d speec h , a n d i n o u r way o f k n owi n g the wo r l d a ro u n d u s . W here d i d o u r l a n g u age co m e fro m , o u r conce p ts, and o u r ways o f i n terpret i n g o u r experi ence- mem ories, assoc i a t i o n s , ass u m pt i o n s, eva l u at i o n s, a n d j u dg m e n t s ? O u r m i n d s as we l l as o u r bodies a re l i n ked to o u r a ncesto rs i n a co n t i n u u m t h a t t races back to t h e ea rl i est h u m a n be i n gs . A l t h o u g h w e ca n n ot t race t h e i r o ri g i n s o r co nce i ve of other ways of k n owi ng, mental patte r n s rooted in t h e past struct u re ou r prese n t experience, co n d i t i o n i n g o u r way o f b e i n g i n the world . We may be v i ewi n g o u r p resent th ro u g h eyes more a nci e n t t h a n we rea l i ze. O u r eyes m ay n ow be seei n g what o u r patte rn i ng co nd i t i o n s u s to see; o u r m i n ds m ay be reso l v i n g d i screpancies in our expe rience with t h o u g h t s and co ncepts we u n q u est i o n i n g l y acce pt as t r u t h . L i k e the b l u rred d o u b l e i m age on a p h otograph o f a movi n g object , o u r pict u re of o u rselves and o u r wo r l d m ay n o t e n t i re l y accord w i t h t h e rea l i t i e s we a re experi enci n g . Depend i n g u po n t h o u g h t s a n d co ncepts as t h e o n l y re l i a b l e a p p ro ach to k n ow l edge, we c a n o n l y

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i n terpret what we see i n t e r m s of t h e past. N o m a t t e r how m u c h i n fo r m at i o n we store i n co m p u ters o r l i braries, w e a re u n l i ke l y t o c reate a n yt h i n g rea l ly n ew. Bo u n d to t h e past, we can o n l y evo lve e n d l ess var i a t i o n s of p a ttern s estab l i s h ed l o n g ago, and pass them o n to fu t u re genera t i o n s to perpet u ate. W i t h each repet i t i o n , th ese patte r n s grow m o re co m p l ex, a l l owi ng fewer opport u n i t i e s t o d i scover a lt e r n a t ive courses of act i o n . What w e do i n o u r t i m e wi l l e i t h e r acce l e rate t h i s narrowi n g o f o u r a l ternative s o r wi l l o p e n u p n ew poss i b i l i t i e s for t h e f u t u re. What patte r n s wi l l we i m pri n t u po n ti m e? What c u rrents wi l l we set i n m o t i o n , a n d h ow wi l l t h ey b e reflected i n t h e f u t u re ? What reverberat i o n s fro m t h e past w i l l co n d i t i o n t h e effect of o u r act i o n s : W i l l c h aos res u l t , o r h a r m o n y ? Whether o u r act i o n s i nc rease co n f u s i o n o r c reate a hea l t h i e r envi ro n m en t for a l l l i fe depe n d s u po n whether o u r k n owledge i s co m pre h e n s i ve a n d t h e v i s i o n t h a t d i rects i t i s c le a r. Because o u r p resent a p p ro a c h to k n ow l edge h a s brought u s great m at e r i a l prosperity a n d expa n d ed o u r k n owledge o f t h e phys i c a l wo r l d , i t en j oys a s pec i a l pos i t i o n . W e tend t o t r u st i t as t h e o n ly c e rt ai n way to u n de rst a n d o u rselves a n d o u r wo r l d . B u t gen era t i o n s before u s h ave l ived as we do, co n d i t i o n ed to the sa m e patterns of t h o u gh t a n d act i o n . F o l l owi n g t h e i r d re a m s, t h ey t h o u g h t t h ey were grow i n g a bea u t i f u l garden f o r t h e i r descen d a n ts to enjoy. Yet when we look a ro u n d us, we are not e nt i re l y sati sfied with the res u l ts. Weeds keep spro u t i ng; we i d e n t i fy them a n d c u t t h e m down, b u t n ew va rieties a p pear. We cannot a l ways see them fo r what t h ey a re or pred i c t how t h ey wi l l m a t u re.

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Kno wledge of Freedom

Meanwh i l e we a re cast i n g seed s fro m l ast year's p l a n t s i n to t h e gro u nd , c reat i n g t h e c o n d i t i o n s for t h e futu re. Y e t t h e c l i m ate i s c h a n g i ng, a n d t h e co m posi tion o f the soil a lters with each sea so n . Is there a way to d i st i n g u i s h befo re we p l ant them wh i c h seed s wi l l pro d uce l a s t i n g beau ty, a n d wh i c h wi l l add t o o u r futu re d i ffi c u l t i es ? A l t h o u g h it see m s t h a t w e c a n n o t pred i c t o u r f u t u re, o u r i nten t i o n a l i ty h a s g reat powe r. O u r co l l ective wi l l , s h aped by the past, projec ts our d rea m s i n to the f u t u re, wh i l e the fo rce of o u r d e s i res p u l l s them i n to b e i n g . Eve n t u a l l y ti m e wil l re t u rn to u s t h e f r u i t s of o u r act i o n s, c o n d it i oned by a l l t h at has gone before. Now we seem to be wa l k i n g backwa rd i n t o t h e f u t u re, i n terpret i n g a l l w e d o with v i ews a n d con cepts rooted in the past. I n t h e presen t we a re b u sy and preocc u p i ed , our m i n d s d i st racted by a n t i c i pat i o n s a n d m e m o ri e s . We trust that s o m e h ow w e wi l l n o t stu m b l e , o r t h at what w e d o today w i l l som ehow t u rn o u t a l l r i g h t to m o r row. W h a t preve nts u s from t u rn i n g a ro u n d a n d wa k i n g u p to t h e p resent, ta p p i n g the dyn a m i c e n e rgy of t i m e d i rec t l y to f ree ou rsel ves from bond age to t h e past? T h e n we m i g h t see m o re c l early the potent i a l i t i es we are c rea t i n g for the f u t u re. Perhaps d eep i n o u r h earts we fear t h at in seei ng the present c l early, we wi l l h ave to con fro nt the fu l l i m p l i cat i o n s o f o u r act i o n s, a n d face t h e o n e cert a i n rea l i ty of h u m a n l i fe d i rectly: In fi fty years, a m o n t h , or poss i b ly t h e n ext i n st a n t , o u r l ives wi l l c o m e to an end. The k n owledge of o ur m o rt a l i ty i s o u r u n i q u e h u m a n g i ft . Y e t we rej ect t h e i n ev i t a b i l i ty of deat h . W e t u rn away fro m o u r o n e m ost re l i a b l e p i ece of

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21

kn owledge and wi l l o u rselves i n to i g n o ra nce, choos i n g a l i fet i m e o f u ncert a i nty over a d i rect enco u nter with what we k n ow. Fear d rives us b ack to the past, b i n d i n g us fi r m l y t o t h o u g h t s a n d patterns t h a t a re fa m i l i a r a n d sec u re. But we k n ow our s ec u ri ty is an i l l u s i o n . H owever we try to m a n i p u l a te t i me, d iv i d i n g i t s dyn a m ic co n t i n u u m i n t o past, p resen t , a n d f u t u re, sav i n g , p l a n n i ng, and spen d i n g it as we choose, u l t i m at e l y we k n ow we h ave no con t ro l . T i m e wi l l a l ways be t h e victor. I n avo i d i n g a co n f ro n t a t i o n with t i me, we ca n n ot en gage its m o m en t u m and wak e up to what is h a p pen i n g h e re and now. I f we avo i d t h e i m p l icat i o n s of t i me, we ca n no t know the fu l l co n text o f h u m a n l i fe. W e k n ow w e wi l l d ie, b u t we d o not k n ow death i tsel f, o r wh a t l i es beyo nd i t s bo u n d a ri es. Cou l d we somehow see beyo nd t h e b r i ef span of o u r l i ves ? Co u l d we k n ow d i rect l y t h e t i m e befo re we were born, or t h e t i m e after our senses wi l l cease t o f u nct i o n ? Pe rhaps i n t u r n i n g a ro u n d a n d d i rect l y co n f ro n t i ng t h e i n ev i ta b i l ity of death, ack n owled g i n g o u r fears a n d u ncerta i n t ies, w e wo u ld g a i n a k e y t h a t m i g h t u n l ock t h e mysteries of t i m e a n d reveal a passage to g reater k n owledge. What n ew d i m en s i o n s of m ea n i n g m ig h t we d i scove r i f w e co u l d free ou rse lves from fear a n d awaken t h e fu l l resou rces o f o u r co n sci o u sness? The key to g reater u n d e rst a n d i n g of t i m e l i es as close to u s as our own b e i n g . O u r bod ies a re finely attu ned to ti me; our sen ses respond to a l l t h a t happens in our s u rro u n d i ngs. O u r experience i s a d i rect i n ter act i o n with t h e prese n t m o m en t; o n l y o u r i n terpreta-

22


t i o n s m ay be i n acc u rate. I f t h e re were a way to re l ax o u r h o ld o n j udgments a n d preconcept i o n s, we could look with f resh eyes o n what is h a p pe n i n g here a n d now. O nce we c a n see o u r prese n t d i rectly, w i t h o u t i l l u s ions, we c a n d i rect our f u t u re with real wisd o m . K n owi ng t h e exte n t of t h e u n ce rt a i n t i e s we face, we co u l d fi nd a way to g reater k n owledge, and c reate the pote n t i a l i ty f o r a m o re sec u re f u t u re f o r a l l fo rms of l i fe.

3

Qu est i o n i n g M i n d

To begin to know something new, we first must realize that there is something we do not know.

1Y u r a b i l i ty to go beyo n d t h e bo u n d a r i es of t h e � k n own i s o n e of o u r m ost p rec i o u s reso u rces.

Whenever we q u est i o n t h e fa m i l i a r, we open t h e gates to k n owledge a n d catch g l i m pses of ex pa n s i ve vi stas. Poi sed o n the edge of wo n d e r that t u rn s u s towa rd the u n k n own and u n ex pected, the q u est i o n i n g m i nd IS a l ert a n d o p e n , rece p t i ve to n ew m ea n i n gs. Q u est i o n s that a re deeply m ea n i n g f u l st r i k e a n i n n er chord t h a t att u n e s o u r m i n d a n d sen ses t o a wider sco pe of poss i b i l i t i es. S uch q u es t i o n s a re l i ke the quest i o n s we h ave as ch i l d re n before we learn what we ca n q u e s t i o n a n d what we ca n n ot. A l t h o u g h q u estio n i n g i s esse n t i a l ly a m ove o u t o f the k n own i nt o t h e rea l m o f t h e u n k nown, w e a re often encou raged to a s k o n l y q u est i o n s fo r wh ich th ere are a l ready a n swers. As ch i l d re n we ask f u n damental q u est i o n s s uch as "Wh ere d i d I co m e fro m ? "

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"Why does t h e wo r l d e x i s t ? " " W h e re do I go after I d i e ? " Perh a p s o u r q u e st i o n s a ro u se d e l ight b u t go u n a n swered , or t h e a n swers are m o re co n f u s i n g than t h e q u est i o n s; u n sa t i sfi ed , we c o n t i n u e to a s k "Why?" W h a t c o n c l u s i o n s c a n we c o m e to when we e n co u n ter a vagu e s e n se o f d i sc o m fo rt from the ad u l t s a ro u n d u s, who may even d o u bt t h e rel i a b i l i ty of t h e a n swers t h ey g i ve u s ? W h at do we fee l wh e n the an swer i s s i m p l y " T h at's t h e way i t i s" ? Yet eve n t h o u g htfu l respon ses m ay n o t s i l ence o u r won d eri n gs. I s o u r pers i stence c h i l d i s h ? Are o u r q u es t i o n s u n i m portant? Even t u a l l y m o st o f u s come to bel i eve t h a t the most worthwh i l e o r i m po rt a n t q uest i o n s a re e i t h e r beyo nd u s perso n a l l y o r a re u l t i m ately u n a n swera b l e . We te l l o urselves that fu n d a m e n t a l q u est i o n s a b o u t l i fe and death ra i se such c o m p l ex p h i l osop h i ca l , sc i e n t ific, or rel i g i o u s i ssues that o n l y profess i o n a l s are q u a l i fi ed to dea l with them. B u t fu n d a m e n t a l q u est i o n s a re bas i c a l l y s i m p l e o n es, a n d t h ey add ress i ssues t h at are i m po rt a n t to every h u m a n bei n g. It i s th erefore most fru i t f u l to co n t i n ue to look at t h ese q u est i o n s c l o sely a n d c o n s i der t h e i r m ea n i n g fo r our own l i ves. A n swers to q u est i o n s a b o u t where we came fro m, who we a re, our desti n y, t h e m ea n i n g of l i fe, a n d t h e c a u ses o f t h e eve n t s t h a t s h ape the co u rse of our l i ves form t h e fou n d a t i o n of o u r existen ce. These a n swers a re t h e see m i n g l y sel f-ev i d e n t , u n q uestio n a b l e truths a t t h e b a s i s o f all our u n d erst a n d i n g . B u t h ow often d o we co n s i d e r t h a t the co n c l u s i o n s we accept have been reached wi t h o u t f u l l p a rt i c i pa t i o n on o u r part? Perhaps l o n g ago b a s i c ass u m pt i o n s were made to expl a i n how h u m a n bei n g s l i ve a n d act i n t h e wor l d .

Time to Change

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Faced w i t h a vast u n k n own, people c reated p o i n ts o f reference t o m a ke s e n se of t h e i r wo r l d a n d fi n d t h e i r p l ace a n d p u rpose a m o n g a l l t h a t existed. W h at sha ped t h e d i rect i o n a l ity o f t h e i r c o n sc i o u s n es s ? W hat i f d i ffere n t reference po i n t s h ad fo r m ed the bas i s of t h e ea rl i est con c l u s i o n s? Wo u l d we see o u rselves d i fferen t l y ? O r o u r wo r l d ? Wo u ld h u m a n experience be other than it is if o u r u n derst a n d i n g o f o u rselves were d i ffere n t ? Of what va l u e a r e s u c h q u est i o n s ? O nce w e h ave l earned t h e fu n d a m e n ta l agre e m e n t s t h a t sh ape o u r fa m i l i a r rea l i ty, we feel we ' k n ow t h e way t h i n gs are'; after we h ave made t h i s assu m pt i o n , we u s u a l l y d o n ot i nvest igate m uc h f u rt h er. B y accept i n g prov i s i o n a l a n swers a s con c l u s ive, w e c l ose off t h e possi b i l i ty o f deeper k n ow i n g . W e trap o u rselves i n a vas t u n k n own rea l m that we do not even know i s u n k n own. Para doxical ly, it w i l l re m a i n u n known as l o n g as we a l ready 'know' it. To beg i n to k n ow somet h i n g n ew, we m u st f i rst rea l i ze t h a t th ere is somet h i n g we do n o t k n ow. As i n d i vid u a l s we may q u est i o n wh atever we w i s h . I f we begi n by assu m i n g t h a t a l l t h e m ost i m po rt a n t q uest i o n s h ave a l ready b e e n a n swe red o r can n ot b e a n swered , w e l o se i n te rest i n open i n g o u r own i nvest i ga t i o n s . B u t what do we rea l l y k n ow t h at was not t a u g h t to us by someone e l se, or is not in s o m e way d e pe n d e n t o n w h a t w e h ave accepted as true? Wo u l d we not prefer to base our l i ves o n our own k nowl edge? B u i l d i n g o u r own b a s i s for k n owi n g i n vites us to step into the u n k n own a n d beg i n a p rocess of i n q u i ry t h at has i n fi n i te poten t i a l for expa n s i o n . B u t l oo k i n g toward t h e rea l m of t h e u n k n own , we m a y sense a

26


vag u e a n x i ety t h at m akes u s hesi tate to look too c l osely. We m ay p refer t h e so l i d gro u n d of t h e known a n d fam i l i ar. Yet how do we k n ow t h e gro u n d we stand o n is act u a l l y so l i d if we do not i n vest igate it? Perhaps i f we a re wi l l i n g to i nq u i re, we can fi n d the way to a n ew u nd ersta n d i n g that wou l d offer m ore last i n g sec u r i ty. Our h u m a n h i story a n d our i n d i v i d u a l experie nce teach us t h at t h e b o u n d a ry between the k n own and t h e u n k n own is capa b l e of s h i ft i ng, depen d i n g in part o n h ow c l o s e l y we look a n d how deeply we q u est i o n . A q u estion f o r wh i c h s o m e o n e e l se may have an a n swe r m i g h t l ead u s to a n ew pe rspect ive that wo u l d res h a pe o u r fa m i l i a r k n owl edge. Aspects o f t h e k n own wo r l d as we l l as o u r o rd i n a ry exper i e n ces, when exa m i ned c l osely, can open up s u rpri s i n g n ew worlds for i n vestigat i o n . Tru l y vital q u est i o n s seem to have m a n y l ayers of a n swers, each of wh i c h extends o u r u n d ersta n d i n g. T h e key t o d i scovery l i es i n accept i ng n o an swe r as fi n a l ; w i t h i n a l l we k n ow, m a n y new poss i b i l i t i es awa it d i scovery. Li ke c h i l d re n , we can persist i n as k i n g a n o t h e r "why." Open i n q u i ry i s the bas i s of a l l our freed o m s . We are accusto m ed to i n q u i ri n g of oth ers; b u t why n ot beg i n to i n q u i re of o u rselves ? Q u est i o n s we ask o u rsel ves h ave an evocative q u a l i ty t h at ca l l s for respo n se; th ose t h at seem most u n a n swera b l e keep t h e gates of o u r m i n d s open t h e l o n gest. I n t h i s o pe n n ess, w e m i g h t fi n d n ew i n s i g h t s i n to t h e s i g n i fi cance o f bei n g h u m a n . Pro tect i n g ou rsel ves from dogmas, l i m i t i n g assu m p t i o n s, and o u two rn ideas of a l l k i n d s, we m ove c l oser to rea l i z i n g the freedom of a fu l ly awa kened h u m a n m i n d .

�ITO@��®@�® U@ @ allf

C H A PT E R

4:

A LTE R N AT I V E S T O D I S SATI S FACTI O N

L i fe i n m odern soc i e t i e s

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D i ssa t i sfac t i o n s i n l i fe

32

Cho ices a n d fru strat i o n

33

N eed for k n owledge A l ternat ives to fru st rat i o n

33 34

I nsec u ri ty i n o u r t i m e

34

Respo n d i n g i n t i m e

35

I nvest i ga t i n g for o u rselves

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C H A PT E R

5:

A CC E L E RAT I O N O F C H A N G E

Rate o f c h a n ge, past a n d pres e n t

36

C h a n ge a n d soc i e ty E ffects of c h a n ge today

36

C h a n ge a n d i n sec u ri ty

37 38

U n ce rta i n ty a n d s t ress

39

I nsec u ri ty worldwide

39

Opport u n ity o r d evastat i o n ?

39

U n co n t ro l l ed c h a n ge

40 40

Wider i m p l i c at i o n s o f c h a n g e Sign i ficance of h u m a n act i o n s New d i rect i o n s

41 41

C H A PT E R

6:

F R E E D O M A N D PR O S P E R I TY

C h a n g i n g co ncept of p rogress

42

V i s i o n o f l i berty

43 43

Material p rogress Modern co m p l ex i t i es P ro b l e m so l v i n g

43

F ree e n te r p r i se a n d co m pet i t i o n

44 45

Com pet i t i o n a n d co n fl ict

46

Worldwide co m pet i t i o n

47

C o m pet i t i o n a n d i n secu rity

47

S i d e - e ffects o f soc i a l c h a n g e

48

E t h ica l vacu u m : l ack o f co n s e n s u s

48 49

Soc i a l frag m e n t at i o n F reed o m a n d restra i n t F reed o m a n d fear

49

F reed o m a n d ch o ices Poten t i a l for pro b l e m s

50 50

Loo k i n g a h ead : q u est i o n s a n d pro b l e m s

51

L i m i ta t i o n s of o u r knowledge O pe n i n g a l te rn at ive a pp roaches

52

K n owledge: freed o m fro m l i m i t a t i o n s

53

50

53

4

A l ternat i ves to D i s sat i sfact i o n

Fo r all their unha ppiness, few people seem to q u estion the basic patte rns of their lives.

n i fe i n modern soc i e t i es seem s to rese m b l e a v i ew Lb of t h e G o ld e n Gate Bri dge, a sym bo l o f prosperity k n own t h ro u g h o u t the world . The stru ct u re i s bea u t i fu l from a d i stan ce, b u t m a i n ta i n i n g i t i s a fu l l -t i m e j o b for c rews of pa i n ters wh ose work i s never fi n i s hed : By the t i m e t h ey repa i n t t h e e n t i re bri dge, t h e sect i o n pai nted fi rst need s a n o t h e r coat. Vi ewed c l ose u p, t h e shades of color vary, and t h e res u l t i s never q u i te sati sfactory . Despite centu r i es of eff o rt d i rected towa rd i n c reas ing our m aterial wel l - be i n g, we d o not seem to be ach i ev i n g t h e h a p p i ness, sec u r ity, a n d peace of m i n d that bring l a st i n g sati sfact i o n to h u m a n l i fe. Today l i fe see m s m o re pres s u red a n d i n m a n y ways h a rder t h a n it w a s i n t h e past. S ee i n g c h a n ges occ u r w i t h s u c h speed, w e m a y w o n d e r how fu t u re generat i o n s w i l l b e able t o m a n age. " W h at i s o u r world co m i n g to ? "

32


Wh atever o u r prope n s i t i es or be l i efs, we can not escape a g row i n g awareness o f d i ssati sfact i o n . When we look a ro u n d u s, we see few s i g n s of real h a p p i ness. Even the wea l t h y h ave pro b l e m s with boredom and a re u n a b l e to fi n d l as t i n g sat i sfac t i o n i n posses s i o n s or in act i n g u p o n t h e i r des i res. S u ccess i n soc i ety or in a c a reer does n o t n ecessa r i l y bri n g contentment; a l i fe of striv i n g and c o m p et i t i o n often p rod u ces com p l ex pro b l e m s and, in the e n d , g reat weari n ess. H i gh i d e a l s and expect a t i o n s are often lost in d i sc o u rage m e n t as years go by w i t h o u t goa l s seem i n g a n y c l o ser. H ow m a n y peo p l e spend t h i rty or even forty years w i t h o u t accom p l i s h i n g what t h ey set o u t to ac h i eve? Eve ryw h ere peo p l e a re a n x i o u s for the se c u r i ty of t h e i r l oved o n es, t h e i r possess i o n s, or t h e i r j o b s . I n t h e ri c h est co u n t ri es o f t h e world, a t a l l l eve l s o f soc iety, rega rd less of s t a t u s o r wea l t h , e m o t i o n a l p a i n a n d frustra t i o n a re o n t h e ri se. O u r w a y of l i fe i s n o t bri n g i n g u s t h e sat i s fact i o n i t pro m i ses. Some yo u n g peo p l e who feel stro n g l y mot ivated to ac h i eve su ccess- as we l l as some peo p l e in less wea l t h y cou n t ri es-fi n d t h i s d i ffi c u l t to bel i eve. R i d i n g t h e c rest of e n e rgy a n d a m b i t i o n , u rged on by p a re n ts w h o feel wea l t h or s t a t u s wo u l d solve most pro b l e m s, t h ey m ay n o t n o t i c e t h e d iffi c u l t i es and d u l l i n g ro u t i n e s in t h e i r pare n ts' l ives. O r perhaps they t h i n k t h ey can avo id m a k i n g t h e sa m e m i st a kes. O t h ers fi n d t h e m se l ves lost, d i sco n n ected from t h e past a n d i l l a t ease i n t h e present. D i s i l l u s i o ned w i t h t h e l i festy l es a n d va l u es of t h o se a ro u n d t h e m , m a n y f e e l t h ey m u st searc h o n t h e i r own f o r a sense of d i rec t i o n a n d p u rpose. B u t w h e n t h ey beco me i n -

Tim e to Change

33

vo lved in work a n d fa m i ly, t h e i r n ew respo n s i b i l i t i es demand t h e i r t i m e a n d energy, a n d t h ey too can eas i l y fi nd t h e m se lves c a u g h t u p i n patterns s i m i l a r to t h e o n e s t h ey h ad wi shed to avo i d . Each d ay bri ngs n ew opport u n i t i es, b u t w h i c h choice w i l l l ead wh e re we w a n t t o g o ? T h o u g h w e a n t i c i pa t e great p l e a s u res, we o f t e n e n d u p w i t h frustra t i o n i n stead. T h e very t h i n gs t h a t b r i n g u s happi ness- o u r friends, o u r c h i l d re n , o u r j o bs, o u r l e i s u re- may beco m e so u rces o f pa i n . Friends can t i re o f u s, o r m ove away; w h e re w e o n c e fe l t j o y i n t h i n k i n g of t h e m , we m ay be l ef t w i t h a fee l i n g of loss. I n t h e s a m e way, o u r e n j o y m e n t of o u r c h i l d ren w i l l t u rn t o p a i n i f t h ey get i n t o t ro u b l e o r fa l l i l l . T h e sati sfact i o n we g a i n f r o m o u r j o b s m ay d i ssi pate ove r t h e years, l eavi n g u s b o red , o r fu l l of regret for what we co u l d not acco m p l i s h . O r o u r work may re m a i n i n terest i n g but pres s u red, and d i ffi c u l t to en joy over t i m e. Even d u ri n g l e i s u re h o u rs we m ay feel forced to h ave a good t i me, o r fi n d o u r t i m e eva porat i n g in act i v i t i es we do not rea l l y en j oy. It seems t h a t eve n t u a l ly, somet h i n g a l ways b l o c k s o u r sat i sfact i o n . Perhaps o u r a t te m p t s to fi nd sat i sfact i o n a re act u a l l y lead i n g u s i nt o frustra t i o n s . I t m ay be t h a t we are tryi ng to t a ke care of o u rselves w i t h o u t k n owi ng our real n eed s. If we fed a n i n f a n t n ot h i n g b u t s u ga red water, t h e baby m i g h t l i ke it a n d c ry for m o re, b u t i n side he wo u l d st i l l b e h u n g ry a n d d i ssa t i sfi ed . N o t knowi ng h i s needs, we m i g h t c o n t i n u e g i v i n g h i m what h e see m ed t o e n j oy; h i s d e m a n d s wo u l d g row more i n s i stent, and o u r efforts m o re despe rate, u n t i l at last he starved fo r l a c k of t h e r i g h t n o u ri s h m e n t .

34


T h e re m ay be a l t ernat i ves t h at wo u l d offer a more s ec u re, h e a l t h i er, and f u l fi l l i ng bas i s for o u r l ives- but where ca n we fi nd s uch a l tern atives? The models of our soci ety a re based on t h e rich and successfu l , those who h ave ach i eved power, fame, or m ade a n a m e for t h e m selves i n a p rofes s i o n . B u t even t h ey have no protect i o n f ro m a n x i ety and frustra t i o n , and the need to m a i nta i n t h e i r pos i t i o n may cause t h e m more e m o t i o n a l stress t h a n we co u ld ever i m a g i n e . Where ca n we fi n d exa m p l es of h u m a n bei ngs who have m a i ntai n ed i n n e r b a l a nce and strength t h rough a l l the stages of t h e i r l i ves? Th e re seem to be few exe m plars for us to fo l l ow. Everyo n e a ro u n d us fee l s emot i o n a l pa i n , reg rets lost opport u n i t i es, o r wishes t h e q u a l i ty of l i fe were better. Yet for a l l t h e i r u n h a p p i n ess, few peo p l e seem to q u es t i o n t h e basic patterns t h ey a re fo l lowi n g and pu rs u e t h i s q u es t i o n i n g to t h e po i n t of real change. Most of us have a l ready t r i ed a l t e r i n g o u r ci rcu m stances to fi nd a better way to l i ve. C h a n g i n g rel a t i o n sh i ps, jobs, o r e n v i ron m en t s provides some tem po rary re l i ef, b u t t h e s a m e pattern of d i ffi cu l t ies often ari ses aga i n- o n l y t h e o u t e r ci rcu m sta nces have changed . Lacki n g a n y c l e a r a l ternatives, most of u s sti l l keep go i n g on, no m atter h ow d i sco u raged we beco me. B u t wh i l e w e ca n fo rce pai n f u l m emories o u t of o u r m i nds, pa i n accu m u lates d e e p wi t h i n , p o i so n i n g o u r l ives by d eg rees. T h e o l der w e beco m e, t h e more d i ffi cu l t i t can be to s u p port t h e i l l u s i o n of sati sfacti o n . Eve n t u a l ly, a t t h e end of o u r l ives, we wi l l have to face o u r own s i t u a t i o n d i rect ly. B u t t h e n we m ay lack t h e energy a n d t h e d rive to wake u p to a deeper

Time to Change

35

u n dersta n d i ng. N ow, wh i l e we h ave t h e o p port u n i ty to c h ange, i s t h e t i me to l o o k c l osely at what is happen i n g in our own l ives, in soc i ety, and in o u r world envi ro n m e n t . F o r real u nd e rsta n d i n g, we h ave to u n cover t h e repeati n g patterns t h a t rob u s of t i m e a n d energy. I f we re m e m be r t h a t o u r t i m e i s short a n d very prec i o u s, a n d t h a t we a l o n e c a n t a ke respo n s i b i l ity for o u r l ives, we c a n fi n d t h e k n ow l edge we n eed to pro tect o u rselves from p a i n n ow, a n d fro m fa r greater s u fferi n g i n the f u t u re. We n eed to l o o k c l osely at what we a re d o i n g a n d ask whet h e r o u r act i o n s a re l i ke l y to b r i n g u s t h e sat i s fac t i o n we see k . A re o u r att i t u d es a n d perso n a l p h i l osop h i es i n h a r m o n y w i t h what w e rea l l y wa n t ? Perhaps w e c a n f i n d a n e nt i re l y n ew way to l ive- not by cha ngi n g our occ u pa t i o n s, b u t by c h a n g i n g the v i ews a n d a t t i t u des that p revent u s fro m e n j oyi n g o u r l i ves a n d benefi t i n g others. W i t h a m o re awa k e n ed v i s i o n , we c a n d i scern t h e d iffere n c e betwee n l a s t i n g and te m po ra ry sati sfact i o n . W h e n w e see c l ea rly, w e wi l l h ave k n owl edge. K n owl edge is h o n es t ; it co u n ters a l l fo r m s o f avo i d a n ce a n d self-decept i o n , a n d s t rength e n s o u r a b i l i ty to cut t h ro u g h the web of p ro b l e m s t h at beset o u r l i ves. K n ow l edge touches o u r deepest fee l i n g s a n d i m parts a sense of powe r a n d c o n f i d e n ce t h at n o o n e can t a k e away fro m u s. G ro u n ded i n k n owl edge, we can estab l i s h c learer p r i o r i t ies a n d awak e n a n ew sense o f pu rpose for o u r l ives.

5

Acce l e rat i o n of C h an ge

The increasing pace of change itself may be a symptom of larger imbalances of which we are no t aware.

n ea r l i er t i m es, i d eas a n d tec h n o l o g i c a l advances en tered the world s l owly. M a j o r i n n ovat i o n s occu rred ro ugh ly five h u n d red years a p a rt, a n d concepts and i d eas c h an ged very g rad u a l ly. Stressfu l periods of s i g n i fi ca n t c h a n ge were fo l l owed by long i n terva l s of stab i l i ty and b a l a nce, when peo p l e h ad t i m e to fu l ly experi e n ce, refl ect u po n , a n d eva l u ate eve n t s . Sh i fts i n soc i a l va l u es t e n d ed to c o m e sl owly.

O

W i t h i n the past two centu ries t h e pace of c h a n ge h a s d r a m a t i ca l l y i n c reased, a n d i n recent t i m es major c h a nges h ave occu rred with i n c red i b l e speed . The U n i ted States rose to powe r in l ess than two h u n d red years, wh i l e w h o l e n ew forms of govern m e n t and tech no l ogy h ave deve lo ped o n ly in t h e past cent u ry. The rate of c h a nge is now so fast that t h e re seems to be l i t t l e sense o f order a n d d i rect i o n in o u r soc i eti es. We a re t rave l i n g so q u i c k ly that we h ave n o t i m e to

Tim e to Cha nge

37

consider whet h e r we m i g h t be l o s i n g va l u a b l e aspects of o u r past; we h ave no ti m e to q u esti o n if w h a t we a re carry i n g i n t o t h e f u t u re has e n d u r i n g va l u e. Earl i e r in th i s cen t u ry, s h a red va l u es provided m o re sta b i l ity. M a n y peo p l e spent th e i r e n t i re l i ves a m o n g n e i g h bors t h ey h a d k n own s i n ce c h i l d hood . Paren ts cou l d pass o n t h e i r k n owl edge with c o n f i d e n ce, k nowi n g th at t h e va l u es t h a t h ad served them wel l wo u l d a l so su pport t h e i r c h i l d re n . I n t h e decades of soc i a l cha n g e that fo l l owed , the g e n era t i o n s were sti l l l i n ked by a basic co n t i n u ity o f a t t i t u d es a n d v i ews. As you nger peo p l e m oved fro m t h e tow n s to th e c iti es, taki n g up n ew profess i o n s and est a b l i sh i n g s m a l l e r fa m i l ies, t h ey u s u a l l y b ro u g h t w i t h t h e m t h e m o ra l a n d e t h i c a l va l u es of t h e i r fam i l i es. In t h e past forty years the gap in s h a red sk i l l s a n d va l u es between gen erati o n s h as w i d e n ed d ra m at i c a l l y, a n d n ew gaps a re open i n g between pers o n s even c l oser i n age. Fads a n d fas h i o n s h ave a lways come a n d go n e errat i c a l ly, b u t now w e are see i n g far deeper changes occ u rr i n g with e n o r m o u s speed. Many o l d e r peo p l e can h a rd l y re l ate t o t h e m o ra l va l u es a n d attitudes u nderly i n g n ew l i festy les a n d act i o n s. V a l u es seem to be constantly c h a n g i n g . Today t h e stream o f eve n t s b ri n g s exc i ti n g n ew opport u n it ies a n d p l easu res, b u t pressu re to keep u p t h e pace conti n ua l ly i n te n s i fi es . I t i s poss i b l e t h a t t h e rate of cha nge m ay b e pass i n g beyo n d o u r c o n t ro l . W e n o w l i ve i n a wh i rl o f n ew p rod ucts, e n terta i n m e n ts, and i n formatio n . Fasc i n a t i o n with the n ew a n d d i ffer ent, a n d the fee l i n g that n ew i s n ecessa r i l y better, l ead u s to a u t o m atica l l y re p l ace the o l d with the n ew.

38

Know/edge of Freedom

Co n s u m e r good s go o u t of d a t e so q u i c k l y that It I S m o re conven ient t o b u y a n ew model t h a n to repa i r t h e o l d . N o soo n e r h ave we l earned h ow t o u se the l a test tec h n o l ogy than we are told i t i s obsolete, s i nce i t can n ot pe rfo rm f u n c t i o n s we d i d n ot even k n ow we were m i s s i n g . C h a n g e n a t u ra l l y c reates p ress u re to adapt, and t h e accel erated rate o f c h a n g e h a s i nc reased t h i s pressure by a l l owi n g u s l ess a n d l ess t i m e to respo nd to what is h a p pe n i ng. We struggle to keep u p with the c o m p et i t i o n , with c h a nges in l i festy l e o r fash i o n , with advances in o u r f i e l d s . As soc i e t i es we can h a rd l y keep u p with o u rselves. H av i n g produ ced vast n ew tec h n o l o g i e s a n d co m p l ex n etwo rks con n ec t i n g people with p rod ucts, we n ow m u st po u r our en e rgy i n t o m a i n te n a nce. We m u st u pd ate o u r m ac h i n e ry, repa i r o u r road s, rev i se o u r ed u c a t i o n a l progra m s , a n d re novate o u r exp an d i n g c i t i es. O n l y a few decades ago m a ny peo p l e fe l t co n fi dent that h a rd wo rk wo u l d be rewa rd ed, and that th ere was room at t h e t o p for t h ose who strived to ach i eve. It was poss i b l e to t a k e c h a rge of o n e's own l i fe a n d m a ke a p l ace for o n eself whatever t h e co n d i t i o n of t h e wo rld as a wh o l e. If p a rents cou l d n ot rea l i z e a l l of t h e i r d re a m s, t h ey s t i l l h ad fai t h t h a t t h e i r l a bor wo u l d open up greater o p po rt u n i t i es for t h e i r c h i l d re n . Tod ay we c a n n ot be so cert a i n t h a t we wi l l reap t h e fu l l rewa rd s of o u r effo rts. O u r s k i l l s a n d t ra i n i n g m ay n ot s u s t a i n u s t h ro u g h o u t o u r prod u c t ive years; m a n y of us m ay e n d o u r worki n g l i ves s h o rt of o u r goa l s . I t i s beco m i n g c l ea r t h a t o u r c h i l d re n m ay not be a b l e to e n j oy a m o re c o m fort a b l e , sec u re way of l i fe t h a n o u r own .

Tim e to Change

39

The u n certai n ty we feel a b o u t t h e f u t u re s u bj ects u s to l eve l s of stress u n k n own to prev i o u s genera t i o n s. On pe rso n a l , n a t i o n a l , a n d i n tern a t i o n a l l eve l s we h ave l i t t l e co n t ro l over eve n t s t h at co u l d affect o u r l i ves a t a n y m o m e n t . M a n y feel a n x i o u s a n d h e l p l ess, k n owi ng t h at the d a ngers to o u r wo r l d a re i n c reasi ng as the rate of c h a n ge accel erates. Even n ow stress i s ser i o u s l y affec t i n g t h e h u m a n h eart, body, a n d m i n d ; p h y s i c a l , e m ot i o n a l , a n d m e n ta l p ro b l e m s a re i n c reas i n g i n variety a n d i n t e n s i t y, a n d a re beg i n n i n g to reach e p i d e m i c proport i o n s . A sen se o f i n st a b i l i ty e x t e n d s f a r beyo n d o u r own c u l t u ra l s p h e re, a ro u s i n g u n c e rt a i n t i e s a b o u t t h e f u t u re d i rect i o n o f n a t i o n s a n d t h e wo r l d . Po l i t i c a l , m i l i t a ry, a n d eco n o m i c po l i c i es s h i ft s o freq u e n t l y i t i s d i ffi c u l t to assess t h e i r i m p l i ca t i o n s. W o r l d w i d e c o m pet i t i o n fo r re s o u r c e s , m a n u f a c t u r i n g , a n d t r a d e heightens a s n ew n a t i o n s beco m e i n d u st r i a l i zed . We have t h e wea l t h , k n owledge, a n d powe rf u l i n st r u m e n t s t o wo rk m o re good i n t h e wo r l d t h a n ever before; wo rld l eaders in p a rt i c u l a r h ave an u n prece den ted opport u n ity to c h a n n e l the e n e rgy o f m i l l i o n s of peo p l e i n t h e d i rect i o n o f peace a n d prosperi ty. We c l early h ave e n o r m o u s power to a l t e r the cou rse of events. O n the o t h e r hand, our power m ay p rove n o m o re sec u re t h a n t h e fl a m e o f a c a n d l e i n t h e w i n d . Wi t h o u t g reater k n owl edge, w e a re powerl ess aga i n st t h e dyn a m i c fo rces o f t i me, wh i c h can eas i l y t u rn o u r k n owledge aga i n st u s . W h e n we a re u n a b l e to recogn ize a n d u se t h e o p p o rt u n i t i e s w e h ave ' i n t i m e ', t i m e w i l l sweep opport u n ity out of our grasp a n d c a t c h u s in i t s wa ke. Weigh ted down wi t h p ro b l e m s, we m a y fi n d o u r-

40


selves p u sh ed i nt o hasty d ec i s i o n s a n d act i o n s that could h ave seri o u s reperc u ss i o n s. Now t h at t h e n a t i o n s o f t h e world are l i n ked toget h e r t h ro u g h e l a b o ra t e co m m u n i c a t i o n n etwo rks and d e l icate b a l a nces o f eco n o m i c , p o l i t i c a l , and m il i t a ry power, r i p p l es o f c h a n g e trave l ra p i d l y across the e n t i re g l obe. W h e reas k n owl edge of the downfa l l o f a n e m p i re m i g h t once h ave taken years to spread a c ross a co n t i n e n t , today t h e effects of t h e s m a l l est a l terat i o n i n t h e prec a r i o u s b a l a nces we depend on for o u r safety a n d we l l - b ei n g a re fe l t a ro u n d the wo rld wit h i n h o u rs. Trad i t i o n a l l y , n a t i o n s , c u l t u res, and i n d i v i d u a l s h ave avo i d ed t h reats to t h e i r sec u r i ty b y b u i l d i ng barriers between t h e m s e l ves a n d t h e ou t s i d e wo rld. Today t h e re i s n o refuge, n o safe p l ace to l ive in i so l a t i on from a n ever m o re bewi l deri n g co m p lex of p ro b l e m s. Aggre s s i o n a n ywh e re t h reaten s to set off a c h a i n react i o n t h at co u ld i nvo lve t h e en t i re wor l d . Nega tive fo rces a l ready set i n m o t i o n , repeated l y re i n fo rced b y o u r p rese n t act i o ns, m a y be beco m i ng too powe rfu l for h u m a n co n t ro l. I n d i v i d u a l s who are t h e m se l ves u n b a l a nced and n e u ro t i c h ave l i t t l e protec t i o n fro m negative i n fl u ences and l i t t l e co n t ro l over t h e i r respon ses. I f s u c h persons att a i n pos i t i o n s of power a nywh e re i n t h e wo r l d , t h ey can eas i l y become open c h a n n e l s for d es i res and h a t reds t h a t h ave been acc u m u l a t i n g for h u ndred s o f years. The c o n f u s i o n t h a t a l l ows h a t red a n d d e s i re to overwh e l m o u r h u m an sens i b i l i t i es m ay be o u r greatest ene my, and a d a nger to wh i c h a l l o f us are v u l nerable. T h e i n c reas i n g pace of c h a n g e i t s e l f may be a sym p to m of l a rger i m ba l a nces o f wh i c h we a re not

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awa re, perhaps even refl ect i n g c h a o t i c forces at wo rk in the u n iverse i t se l f. U n seen d es t ructive forces m ay be b u i l d i ng, l i ke t h e u n d ergro u n d s t resses that p rec i p itate eart h q u a kes. W h a t w e d o i n o u r t i m e m i g h t h ave more profo u n d reverberati o n s t h a n we rea l i ze. Before we can u n d e rstan d t h e fu l l s i g n i fi ca n ce o f h u m a n act i o n s a n d t h e i r effects o n soci ety, o n t h e wo r l d , a n d poss i b l y o n a far l a rger sca l e , w e n e e d t o appreci ate t h e i n terco n nect i o n s a m o ng a l l aspects o f o u r world. O n ly t h ro u g h greater k n owledge c a n we bal ance the dest ru c t i ve forces i n the wo r l d a n d wi t h i n o u r m i n d s. Perhaps we c a n t u rn to o u r ea rth , o u r p a rent a n d o u r h o m e, as a g re a t teach er. T h e sa l t water i n o u r bod i es re m i n d s u s t h a t t h e seas gave u s l i fe. T h e g rowth of the h u m a n e m b ryo, repeat i n g i n i ts d eve l o p m e n t t h e evo l u t i o n o f l i fe o n o u r p l a n et, teac h e s u s t h a t we s h a re a bond w i t h eve ryt h i n g t h a t l ives. I n a l l t h e u n iverse, we k n ow of n o t h i n g m o re beaut i f u l t h a n o u r p l a net. N o o n e d es i res to accel erate the forces t h at c o u l d l eave o u r wo r l d barren a n d h u m a n i ty h o m e l ess. I f we c a n a c k nowledge o u r i n terrelat i o n sh i p with a l l f o r m s of l i fe a n d a p prec i a te t h e l i n eage we ca rry wi t h i n o u r bod ies a n d m i n d s , we may f i n d t h e reso u rces we need to p rotect o u rse l ves and our wo r l d . Stren gthened by o u r i n n e r reso u rc es, we can c o u n ter t h e gath eri n g m o m e n t u m of negativ i t i es and ch oose a new d i rect i o n fo r t h e fut u re.

6

F reed o m an d P ro s p e r i ty

It seems that the more we know, the more we need to know.

V he c o n cept o f progress h a s c h a n ged over the U c e n t u ries, keepin g pace wit h t h e tec h n o logy t h at h as b ro u g h t u s t h e wea l t h o f goods a n d c o m fo rts we e n j oy today . Several h u n d red years ago, t h e n o t i o n of p rogress carried rel igio u s a n d philosoph i c a l overtones c l osely re l ated to the id ea of the perfectibi lity o f m a n . As s c i e n t i f i c k nowledge acc u m u l a ted a n d was j o i n ed to n ew soc i a l i d eas, t h e foc u s of p rogress s h i fted towards im p roving m a te ria l a n d socia l c o n ditio n s . A l t h o u g h th i s c h a nge i n e m p h a s i s h a s wea kened the assoc i a t i o n between progress a n d s p i r i t u a l g rowt h , t h e id ea o f progress s t i l l t o u c h e s d e e p yearnings a n d a s p i rat i o n s. T h e c o n t e m po rary concept o f p rogress h a s cap t u red the im agin a tio n o f modern m a n and beco m e a gu i d i n g force i n o u r c i v i l i zati o n . N ew u n d e rstand i n gs o f freed o m , j u st ice, a n d h u m a n rights h ave c reated a

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v I s i o n of i ncreas i n g l i berty a n d prosperity as o u r n a t u ra l b i r t h righ t . T h i s d rea m h as a ro u sed t h e d e s i res a n d h o pes of m i l l i o n s of peo p l e a n d i n s p i red swee p i ng soc i a l c h a n ge. Soci a l ch a n ge h as, i n t u r n , been stro n g ly su pported by t h e rap i d advances i n sci e nce a n d tech n o l ogy, aspects o f modern l i fe t h a t test i fy to t h e power of h u m an i n tel l ect a n d su p p o rt t h e i m age of man as arbiter of h i s own d e s t i n y . Rich in i d eas a n d expert i se, o u r cu l t u re st i m u l ates o u r i n gen u i ty t o acco m p l i s h anyth i n g i m ag i n ab le, fro m e x p l o ri n g t h e ocean depths t o sett l i n g t h e reaches o f space. O u r w i l l i n g n ess to share o u r i ncrea s i n g k n ow l edge with cu l t u res aro u n d the wo r l d h a s stre n gt h e n ed o u r feel i n g o f bei n g a part o f o n e h u m a n fa m i ly, a s we l l a s o u r d es i re t o b e o f b e n ef i t t o t h e w h o l e o f h u m a n society. O u r broad e n i n g v i s i o n , co m b i n ed w i t h o u r i ncreasi n g co m m i t m e n t t o freed o m th ro u g h o u t t h e wo r l d , see m s t o bear w i t n ess t o ge n u i n e progress i n o u r society. Loo k i n g a ro u n d us tod ay, we ca n see t re m e n d o u s advances m ade i n t h e past ce n t u ry a l o n e . O u r tech n o l ogy has bro u g h t u s g reat prosperi ty, a n d t h e m od ern ded icat i o n to freed o m and to i n d i v i d u a l rights has created t h e most open soc i e t i es t h a t the wo r l d h a s ever k n ow n . I n m a ny co u n t ries, freedo m o f speec h , freed om of t h o u g h t , a n d freed o m of bel ief are n o w a l l protected b y l aw. Yet o u r d ifficu l t i e s see m to keep pace with o u r advances. T h e wor l d 's pro b l e m s i n m a n y ways seem more far- reach i n g and m o re co m p l ex t h a n in the past. We face i n terloc k i n g e n v i ro n m e n t a l i m ba l a nces a n d co m p l icated soci eta l a n d eco n o m ic i ss u es. Every

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adva n c e we m a ke see m s to carry w i t h it n ew d i ffi c u l t i e s t h a t we h ave n o t been a b l e t o pred ict. The pest i c i d e s t h a t h ave bro u g h t us h i g h e r crop prod uctiv ity n ow cause c o n c ern for o u r h e a l t h ; t h e d rugs u sed to t reat o n e d i sease a re fo u n d to be h az a rd s i n t h e i r own r i g h t ; i n st i t u t i o n s a n d l aws i n ten ded to ben efi t t h e e l d erly, t h e poor, t h e h a n d i capped, a n d the m e n t a l l y i l l m ay actu a l l y co n t ri b u te to the s u fferi ng we are try i n g t o a l leviate. The l i st o f p ro b l e m s seems e n d l ess. O u r p ro b l e m - s o lv i n g p rocess i tself seems to be gen erat i n g p ro b l e m s . W e n o w seem to be capab l e of a l t e r i n g ba l a n ces i n n a t u re , i n o u r s o c i e t ies, a n d in o u rselves. O u r tec h n o l ogy i s powe rfu l e n o u g h to c h a n ge t h e very co n d i t i o n s u po n wh i c h l i fe o n t h i s p l a n et depends. I n re m ov i n g basic s u bsta nces fro m t h e g ro u n d and red i st ri b u t i n g them t h ro u g h o u t t h e wo r l d , are we c rea t i n g i m ba l a n c e s wi t h i n o u r p l a n e t that cou l d h ave far- reac h i n g i m p l i ca t i o n s ? W i l l t h e co m po s i t i o n of o u r a t m o s p h e re be a l tered i n ways t h a t wi l l h ave u n foreseen effects o n ocean l evels, c rops, o r h u man l i fe? What is h appen i n g to the wo r l d -w i d e eco n o m i c ba l a n c e a s n a t i o n s v i e for c o n trol o f reso u rces? U p to t h i s po i n t we h ave re l ied u po n o u r po l i t i c a l a n d l ega l syst e m s a n d u po n o u r tec h n o l og i c a l exper t i se to fi nd so l u t i o n s to a n y pro b l e m s t h at m ay a r i se. I f o n e en ergy so u rce i s ru n n i n g o u t , we ass u m e we c a n fi n d a n o t h e r; i f we c reate po l l u t i o n w i t h o u r tec h n o l ogy, w e t u rn aga i n t o tec h n o l ogy to d ev i se ways of c l ea n i n g i t u p. I f i n j u st i ces are c reated by benefi t i n g o n e gro u p , we expect o u r law- m a kers to enact m o re c o m p re h e n s ive l aws. T h e very a b u ndan ce of so l u t i o n s we h ave p u t forth i n t h e past g i ves u s

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confidence i n o u r a b i l ity to fi n d m o re so l u t i o n s i n t h e futu re. B u t c a n w e c o nt i n ue d o i n g t h i s i n defi n i te l y ? The m o re sop h i s t icated a n d co m p lex o u r p ro b l e m solvi n g beco mes, t h e b road e r a n d l ess p red i c t a b l e i t s effects. O u r k n owledge c a n n ot s e e m to c a t c h u p w i t h i t s own res u l ts . I t see m s that t h e m o re w e k n ow, t h e mo re we n eed to k n ow; t h e m o re w e accom p l i s h , t h e mo re we n eed t o d o . N ow t h a t w e h ave, fo r exa m p le, art i fi c i a l l i fe-su ppo rt syst e m s, genet i c e n g i n eeri ng, and earth -orb i t i n g sat e l l i te s, we a re faced w i t h n ew l egal a n d eth ical p ro b l e m s re l ated to t h e u se of t h i s tech n o l ogy. I n sett i n g u p t h e p roced u res t o g u a ra n tee each i n d iv i d u a l the right to protect h i s i n terests, we seem to h ave set in m o t i o n a wave of d i s t rust a n d defens iveness t h a t w a s n ever i n t e n ded . Now m i n o r d i sagree m e n t s bec o m e fu l l - b lown c o n t rovers i e s t h a t e m b ro i l u s i n l i t i gat i o n , c rowd i n g o u r co u rts a n d s low i n g the p rocess of j u st ice. Somehow in espo u s i n g freedo m and a i m i n g at prosperity for a l l , we h ave b ro u g h t m i xed b l ess i n gs u pon ou rse lves . I n o u r fru strat i o n , we m ay feel t h at t h e re are h i dd e n forces a t wo rk, u n d e r m i n i n g o u r very i d e a l s a n d effo rts. Yet o u r g u i d i n g pri n c i p l es seem t ru e, j u st, a n d n o b l e; i t wo u l d be u n t h i n ka b l e Lo t rade o u r way o f l i fe fo r t h at o f less free soc i e t i es o r less deve l oped nat i o n s . M u c h of o u r m odern progress a n d p rosperi ty wou l d h ave been i m poss i b l e wi t h o u t the i n s p i ra t i o n o f tec h n o logy toget h e r w i t h t h e free e n terprise syste m a n d the pri n c i p l e of c o m peti t i o n ; t h ey h ave given i nd ivid u a l s the opport u n ity to exerc i se their i n te l l i gence a n d c reativity i n t h e f u l fi l l m e n t of t h e i r d re a m s .

46


T h e free en terprise system c h a l l e nges people to do t h e i r best to prod u c e bet ter products a n d services and to i m prove the c o n d i t i o n s o f l i fe. This system has served us we l l , c reat i n g s u c h prosperi ty t h at i t has becom e a model t h ro u g h o u t the wo rl d . Yet free enterprise h a s a n u n attractive s i d e that exp resses i t s e l f i n i n c reas i n g l y self-oriented a n d i rre spon s i b l e act i o n . I n t h e n a m e of perso n a l rights, many peo p l e i n t e rp ret ' f ree e n terpri se' as l i c e n se to serve s e l f i s h goa l s , and c o n s i d er k n owl edge as a perso n a l posses s i o n t h at can be b o u g h t a n d s o l d a t the d i sc re t i o n of t h e 'owner'. Though we atte m pt to reg u l a te abu ses of k n owledge, many q u est i o n s re m ai n : Do a few i n d i v i d u a l s h ave t h e r i g h t to profi t fro m k n ow l edge at t h e expense of t h e we l fa re of o t h ers? W h at is the d i vi d i ng l i n e be tween t h e 'greater good' o f soci ety a s a who l e a n d t h e i n conven ie nce or h a r m o f a few? I f t h e ri g h t to a p p l y k n owledge for gain m u s t be restricted, prec i se l y h o w far can restric t i o n s go wi t h o u t i n t ru d i n g o n i nd iv i d u a l freed o m s ? I nterpret i n g k n owledge a n d freedom selfi s h l y c reates t h e co n d i t i o n s f o r b o t h i n d i v i d u a l a n d g l obal c o n fl i cts. If i n d iv i d u a l s a n d g ro u ps p u rs u e t h e i r own spec i a l i n t e rests exc l u s i ve ly, t h e i r v i s i o n m ay beco me d a ngero u s l y n a rrow. T h i s see m s to be ha ppen i n g today. A s com petit ive pressu res h e i g hten wo rl dwide, we h ave l i t t l e t i m e to co n s i d e r the effects of o u r a c t i o n s . I d eas a n d adva nces i n tec h n o l ogy a re i m p l em e n ted q u i c k l y , often wi t h l i t t l e t h o u g h t f o r what fu t u re p ro b l e m s t h ey m i g h t ca u se. In o u r com p l et e l y i n te rco n n ec ted modern wo r l d , wh atever we d o wi l l affect o t h e rs . Yet i n order to ga i n a com pet i t i ve edge, we m ay sett l e for exped i e n t s h o rt-sig hted

Time to Cha nge

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act i o n s that do n ot co n s i d e r t h e n ee d s of soci ety a s a whole. I f we com pete s u ccessfu l l y, our prosperity attracts competitors we d i d not h ave wh en we were l ess s uccessf u l . C o m pet i t i o n grows m o re i n te n se; t h e press u re t o keep u p t h e pace i n t e n s i fi es, fo r c o m pet i t i o n i tself does n o t seem t o have a nat u ra l st o p p i n g p o i n t . T h e s a m e western soci et i e s t h at have prom oted the ideals o f progress and c o m p et i t i o n are now eco no m i c a l l y t h reatened by o t h e r n at i o n s who ad m i re and des i re t h i s prosperity a n d so have beg u n to com pete i n t h e i r own r i g h t . O n c e c o m pet i t i o n has esca lated , s u ccess c a n be co u n terpro d uctive: W h en o n e i s i m i ta ted, o n e can a l so be s u rpassed . O n e of t h e m o st d i st ress i n g s i d e -e ffects o f o u r m ateri a l s u ccess i s t h e i nsec u rity i t fosters i n o u r l ives. Our tec h n o logy now advances so ra p i d l y t h a t c o m pa n i es need to ' u pdate' t h e i r eq u i p m e n t and p roced u res over a n d over aga i n i n order to rem a i n com pet i t ive. N ew research is be i n g done i n so m a n y fi e l d s t h at few peo p l e can feel on top of t h e i r c h osen spec i a lty wi t h o u t c o n st a n t study. M any o f us today cannot re l y u pon o n e s e t o f sk i l l s to s u stain u s t h ro u g h o u t o u r work i ng l ives. The com pet i t i ve atmosph ere t h at c h a l l e nges us to do o u r best a n d bri n gs u s m u c h of o u r s u ccess a l s o fosters a s e n s e o f separa t i o n a m o n g people, p rovo k i n g envy, fear, a n d an u n wi l l i ng ness t o cooperate o r sh are. The i n sec u ri ty and pressu re i t c reates co n t r i b u te to perso n a l a n d soc i a l p ro b l e m s . U n d e r i n c rea s i n g stress, we m ay t u rn m o re read i l y to a l co h o l and d rugs; peo p l e today seem t o s u cc u m b m o re eas i l y to e m o t i o n a l

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i m ba l a n ces, a n x i ety, a n d d e p res s i o n . Those i n h i g h p res s u re s i t u a t i o n s o ften feel t h e q u a l i ty o f t h e i r l i ves is d ec rea s i ng even as t h ey adva nce i n t h e i r ca reers. I n d iv i d u a l s who h ave been u n a b l e to m atch the c o m p et i t i o n m ay be c a u g h t up in fee l i n gs of fai l u re t h a t s p i ra l d own i n to despair. O t h ers who are u n wi l l i n g t o part i c i pate c o m pe t i t ively bec o m e d i sco u raged from m a k i n g va l u a b l e c o n t ri b u t i o n s to soc iety.

V h e s i d e-eff ec t s of m a n y o f o u r soc i a l a n d po l i t i U c a l freed o m s seem perhaps even m o re baffl i n g, for freed o m is the c o r n e rs t o n e o f o u r way o f l i fe. The C o n st i t u t i o n gu aran t eed freedo m of t h o u g h t and re l i g i o n to every o n e; t h e pri n c i p l e of t h e separation of c h u rc h a n d state re m oved q u e s t i o n s of i n d i v i d u a l m o ra l i ty a n d e t h i c s f r o m t h e s p h ere of gove r n m e n t to i n su re t h a t t h ese freed o m s wo u l d never be l ost. Basic e t h i ca l a n d moral s t a n da rd s were i n co rporated i n to c i v i l l aw, wh i l e t h e respo n s i b i l i t y for i n st ru c t i o n i n m o ra l i ty a n d et h i c s wa s l e f t t o t h e fa m i ly, t h e schools, and to re l i g i o n . T h i s syst e m wo rked for gen e rat i o n s . B u t i n rece n t decades, t h e sc h o o l s h ave b e e n p ress u red t o d raw back fro m m atters t h a t seem to i m pi nge on pe rso n a l freed o m . T h e f a m i l y i s i n fl u x . Pare n t s h ave l e s s t i m e to devote t o t h e i r c h i l d re n , a n d m a n y peo p l e h ave loos ened t h e i r ties t o rel i g i o n . A gap in m o ra l a n d eth i c c a l i n st r u c t i o n h a s o pe n ed u p t h a t we c a n n o t c l o se wi t h o u t a ro u s i n g m u ch c o n t roversy. As a society, we h ave l o s t t o u c h wi t h a widely s h a red m o ra l s t a n d a rd that wo u l d provide i n d i v i d u a l a n d soc i a l s t a b i l ity. W e h ave a see m i n g l y e n d l ess a rray

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of mora l c h o i ces. N ew att i t u d es toward soc i a l ro l es o f m e n a n d women h ave made a w i d e range o f behavi ors, et h i cs, and l i festyles ava i l ab l e. But we m u st searc h on our own fo r w h at h as m ea n i n g and v a l u e for o u r own l ives. T h i s h a s l eft u s in a q u a n d a ry : I n d i v i d u a l s h ave m a ny cho ices, b u t w h ere c a n t h ey g a i n t h e k n o w l edge a n d u nd e rs t an d i n g to m a k e m ea n i n gf u l c h o i ces for t h e i r own l ives? We d o n ot want re l i g i o n o r gov ern m ent to d i ctate m o ra l and eth i c a l c h o i ces to u s, but wi t h o u t a cohere n t m o ra l a n d eth i c a l c o n se n s u s, i t i s easy to d o u b t t h e w i s d o m o f o u r c h o ices a n d d i ffi cu l t t o b u i l d a b a s i s o f tru st w i t h o t h ers. As a res u l t, many peo p l e fee l a l ac k of sta b i l ity a n d co m m i t m e n t i n t h e i r l ives. Lac k i n g m o ra l co n s e n s u s, soc i ety see m s to be fragm e n t i n g i n to s m a l l e r a n d s m a l l e r g ro u ps, each w i th i t s own v i ews, tastes, i n terests, a n d d e m a n d s. As a gro u p d iv i d es i n to s m a l l e r u n its, t h e s u pport a n d bal ance provided b y t h e l a rger g ro u p i s l ost. N ow t h a t the o l d e r genera t i o n , for exa m p l e, h a s l ost i t s p l ace wit h i n t h e fam i l y, we face t h e pro b l e m o f s u pport for t h e e l d erly. I n st i t u t i o n s a re c reated, b u t t h i s sol u t i o n c reates i t s o w n p ro b l e m s- psyc h o lo g i c a l , soc i a l , a n d fi nanc i a l . A t t h e sa m e t i m e, t h e s m a l l e r fa m i l y h a s l ost the w i sd o m a n d expe rien ce of i t s o l d e r m e m bers a n d the sense o f con t i n u ity w i t h t h e past, i n c reas i n g t h e sense o f root lessn ess a n d c o n f u s i o n i n o u r soc i e t i es. With o u r sense of com m u n i ty in d ec l i n e, a n d m o ra l a n d e t h i ca l v a l u e s i n f l u x , v i o l e n ce i s i n crea s i n g o n t h e streets a n d even w i t h i n fa m i l ies. O u r sen se o f i n n e r restra i n t a n d o u r respect fo r l aw i n t h e c o n text of a l a rger soci ety i s erod i n g, a n d we a re co m i n g to re l y more heav i l y o n exte r n a l form s of restra i n t .

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When we c a n n o t t r u st t h e sta bi l i ty or i n te n t i o n s o f o t h ers, what freed o m act u a l ly rem a i n s t o us? We l i ve i n fear on t h e streets a n d i n o u r h o m es; we lock o u r doors, i n sti l l fea r in our c h i l d re n , a n d arm o u rselves. I n the n a m e o f our own perso n a l freedo m , w e m ay fee l co m pe l led to d e m a n d stro n ger l aws. B u t t h i s a p proach i s not c o m p l etely sat isfactory. Even now we do not h ave a l l t h e prisons we need to ca rry out senten ces passed u n der exi st i n g l aws. A n d few of u s wou l d be h a p py l i v i n g i n a soc i ety wh ere secu rity and stabi l i ty depended solely u po n i n c reased rest r ictions a n d ever h a rs h e r e n fo rcement o f t h e l aw. A l t h o u g h on o n e l evel o u r c h o i ces seem nearly u n l i m i ted, in the f reest, m ost p rospero u s soc i et i es in the wo r l d , we seem to h ave few rea l c h o i ces open to u s . H ow c a n we g u aran tee o u r own right to free speech wi t h o u t su bject i n g o u r c h i l d re n to confu s i n g or h a r m f u l propag a n d a ? Can we m a k e moral c h o ices for o t h e rs w i t h o u t sacrifi c i n g o u r own freed o m o f c h o i ce ? H ow c a n w e even b eg i n to add ress po l l u t io n of t h e envi ro n m e n t when w e c a n n o t g e t t o wo rk w i t h o u t u s i n g a car o r m a ss t ra n s i t ? T h e k i n d of l a rge-sc a l e , i n terl oc k i n g pro b l e m s we face today a re d iffi c u l t even to t h i n k a b o u t carefu l ly a n d u n e m o t i o n a l ly. Con fro n ted with s i t u at i o n s i n wh i c h w e h ave n o c o n t ro l , we fee l h e l p l ess and a n x i o u s . H ow c a n we respond effec t ively? S u rely we c a n n o t i g n o re t h e o m i n o u s poss i b i l i t i es fo r o u r f u t u re, o r the respo n s i b i l i ty we h ave to protect the we l fa re of o u r c h i l d re n 's ad u l t l i ves. The poten t i a l for i ncrea s i n g d i ffi c u l t i es and confu sion ext e n d s beyo n d our fa m i l ies and co m m u n i t ies to

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i n c l u de t h e e n t i re wor l d . As m o re d evelo ped societies offer a i d to deve l o p i n g n a t i o n s and provide tec h n o l ogical ass i st a n ce fo r t h e i r i n d u st r i es, w e a re seei n g the e a r l y sy m pto m s of poten t i a l l y seri o u s pro b l e m s . Less wea l t h y n a t i o n s a re acc u m u l a t i n g debts i n o rd er to modern ize, a n d a re p u rc h a s i n g tec h n o logy that c a n b e u sed not o n ly fo r peacef u l m e a n s b u t a l so f o r aggressio n . S u c h c h a n ges th reaten t h e welfare a n d stabi l i ty of th ese trad i t i o n a l c u l t u res a s wel l as t h e bal ance of wo r l d power. Wh i l e the wish fo r wo r l d p ros peri ty is u n ivers a l l y sh ared, i s i t act u a l l y poss i b l e fo r a l l societi es i n t h e world to e n j o y t h e s a m e l eve l o f m ateria l wea l t h ? H a s the wo r l d s u ffi c i e n t reso u rces t o s u stai n b i l l i o n s o f peo p l e atte m pt i n g to l i ve as w e d o ? H ow wo u l d t h e eco n o m ies of t h e n o w prospero u s n a t i o n s fare i n a vast l y m o re com pet i t ive worl d ? Even n ow, host i l i t ies a n d ten s i o n s seem to i n c rease in tandem w i t h the demand for good s a n d reso u rces. I n c u l t u re s where h u m a n b e i n g s sti l l struggle for s u rvival, t h e va l u es of modern soc i et i e s ra i s e expecta t i o n s for a h i g h e r stan d a rd of l i v i n g . I f power p asses i n to the h a n d s o f a p rospero u s few, the g reater p a rt of the po p u l at i o n c a n be l e ft with a h ei g h t e n ed s e n se of depriva t i o n a n d i n j u s t i c e that sets t h e stage for u n rest a n d v i o l e n t revo l u t i o n . What wi l l h a p pe n i f e n vy o f t h e material ben e fi t s enjoyed b y i n d u s t r i a l ized soc i e t i e s i n c reases the sen se of sepa rat i o n a m o n g the peo p l e of the wo rl d ? W i l l we face eve n greater frustra t i o n a n d d a n ge r, g ro u p pol ar i zed aga i n st g ro u p, t h e old agai n st t h e you n g , race agai n st race, n a t i o n aga i n s t n a t i o n ? If we h ave to com pete for reso u rces to p rotect o u r secu r i ty, or even

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to s u rv ive, wi l l we i nc rease t h e l evel of a n ge r and aggre s s i o n in our world, and create the co n d i t i o n s for a n archy t h at wo u l d e n d a n g e r t h e wh o l e h u m an race? n the face o f s u c h widespread pote n t i a l d i ffi c u l t i es, t h e n eed f o r fu l l e r k n ow l edge h a s n ever been g reater. A l t h o u g h we d raw u po n a l l the k n owledge at o u r c o m m a n d , a n d t ry to fo resee the co n seq u ences of o u r act i o n s, o u r pred i c t i o n s are s e l d o m acc u rate o r c o m preh e n s i ve e n o u gh to take al l facto rs i n to acco u n t. O u r i n fo r m at i o n a n d o u r t h eo r i es seem so m e h ow i n c o m p l ete. We often obta i n not o n l y so m et h i n g d i ffere n t fro m w h a t we desi re, but t h e o p p o s i t e of w h a t w e d es i re. L i ke t h e sorcerer's appren t i ce, we seem to b e a t t h e m ercy o f o u r own part i a l k n ow l edge. W h at wo u l d w e n eed to do t o obta i n p u re a n d u n m i xed b e n ef i t s fro m o u r effo rts to e n h ance f reedo m and prosperity?

O

There m ay be a l tern ative a p proac hes and act i o n s t h at we h ave not exp l o red, n ew poss i b i l i t i es that c o u l d f r e e u s f r o m t h e destructive s i d e-effects t h at n ow fo l l ow u s l i ke a s h a d ow. Each o f u s i n d i vi d u a l l y can q u e s t i o n wh at i s h a p pe n i n g to our wo r l d a n d to o u rselves, a s k i n g whether wh a t we are gett i ng i s worth the p r i ce. Perhaps t h e re are co n cepts and va l u es t h at a re n o t serv i n g u s wel l , wh i c h we c o u l d redefi ne or set a s i d e . Perh a p s the t i m e has co m e to reco n s ider progress in terms o f i n n e r as we l l as externa l wel l b e i n g, a n d reflect o n what b u i l d s l a st i n g m ea n i n g and va l u e in a n i n d i v i d u a l h u m a n i i fe. W h ere c a n we l o o k for a m ea s u re o f good that wo u l d o ffer t h e g reatest h ope for u p l i f t i n g h u m a n

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being? U po n what b a s i s c a n we s h a p e a new v i s i o n for h u m a n va l u e a n d fre ed o m ? H ow h i g h c a n w e set our goa l s for h u m a n h a p p i n es s ? S u re l y we can expand o u r d e fi n iti o n of freedo m . Perhaps the o n ly facto r h o l d i n g u s b a c k i s a l ac k o f c o n f i d e n c e i n o u r a b i l ity to cou n ter t h e n egative forces t h at i m pede o u r progress. C a n we devote o u r t i m e a n d e n e rgy t o fi n d i n g a new d i m e n s i o n of k n ow l ed ge t h a t wi l l f ree u s from l i m ita t i o n s and be a n u n e n d i n g sou rce of h o pe and i n s p i rat i o n ? There are m a n y t reasu res i n t h i s soc i ety t h at cou l d su pport a far m o re peacefu l , h a r m o n i o u s, a n d sati sfy i n g way of l i fe. We h ave great wea l t h a n d tre m e n d o u s tec h n i c a l expe r t i se. E d u c at i o n a l sys t e m s, co m m u n i c a tion sys t e m s , a n d vast service n etwo rks a l ready e x i s t . How wi l l w e u s e these too l s ? W h at k n ow l edge wi l l g u i d e u s ? W i l l self- i n terest preva i l , o r wi l l we u se o u r resou rces t o ach i eve a h i g h e r p u rpos e ? Perhaps we c a n d i scover a d e e p e r m ea n i n g t o t h e freed om and i n d iv i d u a l i s m that h ave i n s p i red s o m u ch of our s u ccess, a n d p u t them i n to p ract ice w i t h i n o u r own m i nds. I f we co u l d exa m i n e h ow o u r p rese nt patterns of t h o u g h t a n d act i o n j eo pa rd i z e t h e very q u a l i t i es we most va l u e , we m i g ht open o u r heart s a n d m i nds t o a m o re c o m pre h e n s i ve k n owledge. With g reater k n ow l edge, we c o u l d we l l a ff o rd to abandon short - s i g h ted goa l s a n d v i ew prosperity i n a n enti re l y new l i g h t . I n s p i red by a broader v i s i o n of freedom and we l l - be i n g , we c o u ld awa ken to n ew possi b i l i t i e s for u n l i m i t ed h u m a n p rogress .

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Com p l exities o f pro b l e m s

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React i o n s to pro b l e m s E m ot i o n a l e ffects of avo i d a n ce

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Co nfro n t at i o n : forc i n g c h a n ge G ood i nten t i o n s a n d h o pe Western soci ety, m o d e l for t h e wo rld Modern i z a t i o n of trad i t i o n a l c u l t u res Loss of co n t rast, growt h of u n i fo rm i ty

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Danger o f l oss F u n d a m e n t a l q u est i o n s Wa k i n g u p to respo n s i b i l i ty

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U n i q u e opport u n i ty fo r wo r l d l eaders

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S u s ta i n i n g m o t ivat i o n with awa reness

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Li m i ta t i o n s of o u r way of k n owi n g

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H u m a n be i n g as k n ower/ actor

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Con seq u e n ces of k n ower/ actor pos i t i o n Separa t i o n a n d d i sco n te n t

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I m pe l l ed to res p o n d Repet i t i o n a n d d u p l i c a t i o n

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Cyc l es o f reac t i o n

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Tak i n g a pos i t i o n Loc k i n g i n : n a rrow i n g of v i ew

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Defu s i n g reactive t e n d e n c i e s W i d e n i n g v i ew of k n owledge

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F low o f c h ange C h a n ge a n d h u m a n b e i n g

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L i m i t at i o n s of concept u a l k n owledge N eed to k n ow o u r co n s c i o u sn ess

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C h a l l e n g i n g t h e view of sepa rat i o n Q uesti o n i n g a n d b e i n g awa re

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No problem that affects us as human beings is so beyond our comprehension that we cannot look at it and question why it is happening.

[\ £\ o s t of u s fee l fa i r ly wel l - i n fo rm ed a b o u t t h e D\JU prob l e m s o f modern l i fe. We read n ewspapers and maga z i n es; t e l ev i s i o n takes us to the sce n e o f t h e l atest d i sasters a n d cri ses; d a i ly w e hear a b o u t i n te r n a t i o n a l te n s i o n s, terro r i s m , a n d i n c re a s i n g c r i m e . Ac cou nts of d i sasters and s u ffer i n g arouse a n odd k i n d o f fasc i n a t i o n : T h ey a re rea l , yet remote; repe l l i ng, yet st i m u l a t i n g. We l i st e n a n d read , co n cerned about i n d i v i d u a l a n d soc i a l pro b l e m s . As even t s c o m e a n d g o , today's n ews s u p p l a n t s t h e o ld, a n d t h e deta i l s o f yesterd ay's cri ses fade fro m memory. I m age after i m age, fact after fact c rowd o u r m i nds, evo k i n g i m p ress i o n s a n d e m o t i o n s, b u t a l l ow i n g us l i t t l e t i m e for refl ec t i o n o n t h e broad er i m p l icat i o n s o f what i s h a p pe n i n g i n o u r soc i e ti e s a n d i n t h e wo rld.

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We m ay be overwh el m ed by t h e co n fl i c t i n g facts, i n terpreta t i o n s, a n d o p i n i o n s that acc u m u l ate aro u n d eve ry i m portant i ss u e, a n d feel t h at m a n y i ss u es today p resen t u s w i t h i n s u rm o u n t a b l e co m p l ex i t ies. Yet at o t h e r t i m es, t h e c a u ses of pro b l e m s may seem so o bv i o u s a n d t h e i r s o l u t i o n s so s i m pl e that we won d er why so m eo n e c a n not f i x t h e m . Despite d i fferences o f v i ew a n d o p i n i o n , most of us proba b l y fee l a p preh e n s ive a bo u t m a n y of the s a m e th i n gs a n d a re react i n g in m a n y of the same ways. Reflect i n g upon t h e d i s t u rb i n g t ren d s i n soc iety, k n ow i n g t h ey co u l d a ffect o u r l ives a t any m o m e n t , i s d i sconcert i n g . W e m ay c o n c l u d e that the problems p ro l i ferat i n g in the wo r l d today a re t h e i n evitab l e price of progress, and res i g n ou rsel ves to a k i n d of d i sapprov i n g to l e rat i o n . We m ay asc r i b e t h e c a u se to i n n ate h u m a n g reed or soci ety's i n tri n s i c i n h u m a n i ty; rem i n d i n g ou rselves t h at h u m a n be i n gs h ave a lways been t h i s way, we may exc u se ou rselves fro m exa m i n i n g cu rre nt p ro b l e m s m o re deeply, and g rad u a l l y s i n k i n to cyn i cism or pess i m i s m . K n ow i n g that t h e pro b l e m s are exte n s ive a n d co m p l ex, we m ay be tem pted to i g n o re t h e m a l toget h e r; a l ready p res s u red by m o re i m m e d i a t e concerns i n o u r d a i l y l ives, w e m ay se nse t hat what we see may o n l y i n c rease o u r frustra t i o n . Perhaps we p refer to c o n c e n t rate on t h e posi t ive aspects of l i fe. But we c a n not co m p l etely i g n o re o u r soc i a l and i n tern a t i o n a l s i t u a t i o n s. Long after eve n ts fade fro m m e m o ry, t h e i r e m o t i o n a l overtones stay with u s, h e i g hten i n g u n d e r l y i n g t e n s i o n s. We feel u n safe i n the s t reets o r in our own h o mes; we are a n x i o u s for our c h i l d re n a n d for t h e f u t u re. Yet we d o not k n ow how

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to co n n ect o u r concern w i t h e ffective act i o n . I t see m s as i f w e h ave l i tt l e c h o i c e b u t t o accept wh atever h appens. When our con cern pen etrates m o re d ee p ly, a n d we wan t to take act i o n , w h at c a n we do? Most of u s h ave l i m i ted access to i n fo r m a t i o n a n d l a c k t h e backgro u n d t o a n a l yze a n y o n e s i t u a t i o n i n d e pt h . Even experts do not agree; t h e ir o p i n i o n s m ay be swayed by perso n a l prej u d i ce o r a l i g n m e n t w i t h spec i a l i n t e rests. Often th ose c l osest to the pro b l e m s m a y a c k n o w l edge t h at there are n o easy sol u t i o n s, a n d e n d by o ffe r i n g n o c l e a r cou rse of act i o n . Somet i m es a spec i fi c p ro b l e m m ay seem c l early defi ned a n d too pressi n g to i g n ore, so we ro u se o ur selves to act i o n , p ro t est i n g i n j u s t i ces or d e m a n d i n g c h a n ges from grou ps o r n a t i o n a l l eaders. As we t a k e a stro ng pos i t i o n o n o n e s i d e of a n i ss u e , we t ry to a ffect t h e outcome by i m pos i n g O U f w i l l a n d ra i s i n g o u r vo ices. Those o n t h e oth e r s i d e of t h e i s s u e do the sa me. But t h i s a p p roach see m s t o p rod u ce o n l y l i m i ted resu lts. W h i l e o u r i n t e l l i ge n c e a n d e n ergy a re d rawn i n to a co n fl i ct of w i l l s , opport u n i t i es to c h a nge s i t u a t i o n s often d i m i n i s h ; in the h eat of o p pos i n g passions, t h e prob l e m g a i n s m o m e n t u m , j u st as a c h i l d grows m o re u nru l y w h i l e h i s pare n t s argue a bo u t h i s d i sc i p l i n e . Th ere h ave been t i m es w h e n i t see m ed t h a t good i n t e n t i o n s backed w i t h pas s i o n a n d com m i t m e n t were a l l we had to re l y on to force c h a n ges we saw m u s t b e made. B u t were o u r k n ow l edge a n d m ethods suffi c i e n t to e n s ure the resu l t s we wished, w i t h o u t entangl i n g u s i n f u rt h e r d i ffi c u l t i e s ? We m ay b e

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repea t i n g an a p p roach t h at b ro u g h t abou t c h an ges i n t h e past, b u t we m i g h t q u est i o n whet h e r th ose c h a n ges were acco m pa n i ed by c h a n ges in u n derlyi ng vi ews. E n t re n c hed attitudes d o not c h ange easi ly; i n fo rc i ng t h e a p pearance o f c h a nge w i t h o u t c h a n g i n g t h e h u m a n h ea rt a n d m i n d , w e m ay be h e i g h t e n i n g t e n s i o n s t h a t p a s s u n not iced f o r a t i m e, b u t create reservo i rs o f rese n t m en t that co u ld bac k la s h if c o n d i t i o n s were ripe. Perh a p s w e h ave to l o o k m o re deeply i n to t h e u n d erlyi n g c a u ses of our pro b l e m s to find a l ternat ive m ea n s of so lvi n g t h e m . Part of o u r d iffi c u l ty see m s t o g row o u t o f our h opes: We h o pe that good i n te n t i o n s wi l l b r i n g about a good resu l t ; we h o pe that we a re i m prov i n g the h u m a n con d i t i o n . I n a l l ow i n g o u rse l ve s to be d i stract ed by hope, we do not see c l ea rly the forces at wo rk in the p rese n t . T h e u n derly i n g patterns of o u r prob l e m s e l u d e u s. We exper i m e n t with so l u t i o n s to i so l ated p ro b l e m s, but are u n a b l e to pred i c t t h e outcome of o u r act i o n s. H ow then c a n we take respo n s i b i l i ty fo r t h e f u t ure o u r act i o n s are c rea t i n g ? Yet w i t h o u t t a k i n g respo n s i b i l i ty, w e h ave n o rea l c o n trol; we d ri ft w i t h t h e c u rren t, h o p i n g i t wi l l not l ead to a waterfa l l - o r bel ievi n g t h a t s o m e h ow we wi l l break free at t h e l ast m o m e nt by a st re n u o u s new l eap of i n gen u i ty. I n the West, as i n d iv i d u a l s a n d as soc i et i es, we h ave a respo n s i b i l i ty for t h e fut u re t h a t ext e n d s beyo nd our own concerns. Less deve l o ped n a t i o n s c o n s ider the m od e l esta b l i sh ed in western soc i e t i e s a s t h e key to wea l t h , sec u r i ty, a n d h u m a n h ap p i n ess. Few c o u n t ries h ave not felt the i n fl u ence of modern tech n o logical societies, a n d t h e press u re to modern i ze i s i n tense.

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Ed ucated c l asses a ro u nd t h e wo rld a re adopt i n g t h e languages t h a t g i ve t h e m access t o west e rn science and tech n o l ogy, and e n a b l e them to c o m m u n icate i nternat i o n a l ly. Western c i v i l izat i o n is n ow sett i n g t h e pace, and t h e wo rld wi l l fo l l ow where i t l ead s. Many peo p l e m ay not be aware t h at the sp read of western sc i e nce and tec h n o logy t h ro u g h o u t the world i s p rec i p i t a t i n g rap i d c h a n ge s in t rad i t i o n a l val u es and l ifesty les, u p sett i n g t h e b a l a n c e o f e n t ire c u l t u res. Occ u pat i o n s that gave m i l l i o n s a p l ace i n soci ety, h owever h u m b l e, are bei ng d i s p l aced b y n ew methods and tec h n o l ogy t h a t l eave m a n y w i t h n o em ployment or pos i t i o n . T h e sense o f i n h ere n t h u m a n wo rth and s e l f - respect, wh i c h o n ce co u l d b e m a i n ta i n ed eve n i n t h e face o f poverty, i s bei ng l ost a s h u man va l u e i s co m i n g t o d epend m o re exc l u s i ve l y o n wea l t h and power. As hopes for a better l i fe a re i n c rea s i n g l y i nvested in material wel l - b e i n g , cu lt u res t h at h ave e m ph asi zed s p i ri t u a l values are l o s i n g co ntact wit h t h e ir rel i g io u s t rad i t i o n s . K n owledge o f a l tern ative ways f o r fi n d i n g m ean i n g i n l i fe i s d isappe a r i n g , wh i l e t h e l i m i ted benefits of material prosperity reach o n ly a few of t h e world's peoples. I f m odern pattern s o f l i v i n g are estab l i sh ed wor l dwide, and fa i t h i n a m ateri a l i st i c approach co m p letely s u p p l an t s re l i g i o u s t rad i t i o n s , we m ay l o se va l u a b l e o pp o rt u n i t i e s to c o n s i der o t h e r ways of bei ng i n the wo rld. We may be l o s i ng so m et h i n g very prec i o u s . Throughout h i story, w i d e l y d i vergent vi ews and att i tud es, even profo u nd cu l t u ra l d i fferences, have been catalysts fo r n ew i n s i g h ts. Wh i l e u n fa m i l i a r i d eas a re

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o ften u n sett l i n g, t h ey ca n a l so c reate open i n gs fo r n ew k n owledge t h a t c a n h ave l o n g - ra n g e benefi ts for the e n t i re wo r l d . I n fo l l owi n g o n ly o n e m od e l f o r f u t u re soc i et i es, we may be l oc k i n g o u rselves i n to one way of th i n ki ng a n d act i n g . A g reater u n iform i ty of va l u es, l a n g u age, a n d c u l t u re m i g h t red u c e prej u d i c e a n d m i su nder s t a n d i ng, but i t wi l l a l so d i m i n i s h possi b i l i t i es for c reat i v i ty, fresh i d e as, a n d t h e reeva l u a t i o n o f estab l i s h ed pattern s. When h o st i l i t i e s a r i se t h at co m m o n a l i ty o f c u l t u re c a n n o t reso lve, con cepts f r o m d i ffere n t t ra d i t i o n s m i g h t prov i d e va l u a b l e perspectives that cou l d i n s p i re n ew and c reative so l u t i o n s.

O

n t h ese d a n ge ro u s t i m es, i t seems very i m po rtant fo r everyo ne's sake- that our act i o n s be g u i ded by a concern for a l l of t h e worl d 's peoples. O t h e rwise, t h e develo ped soc i et i es m a y l ead t h e wh o l e wo r l d i n to deeper s u fferi n g . W h a t m ay n ow appear to be good i d eas and exped i e n t so l u t i o n s c o u l d res u l t in serio u s d i sr u p t i o n s i n t h e f u t u re. W h i l e we m a y avo i d s u c h d i ffi c u lt i es i n o u r l i feti m es, genera t i o n s w h o fo l l ow wi l l h ave to cope wi t h a n i n c re a s i n g l y t ro u b l ed wo r l d .

T h e prob l e m s fac i n g t h e wor l d c a n a p pear over wh el m i n g, b u t no pro b l e m t h a t a ffects us as h u m a n b e i n g s i s so beyo n d o u r co m pre h e n s i o n t h at we c a n not look at i t a n d q u est i o n why it i s occ u rr i n g . As h u m a n be i n gs, we h ave the p r i v i lege and respo n s i b i l i ty to a s k basic q u esti o n s a b o u t o u r dest i n y . I t may be t h a t the q u est i o n s we h ave g rown u sed to ask i n g have t h e m se lves beco m e too c o m p l ex. S i m p l e r, more f u n d a m e n t a l q u est i o n s m ay act u a l l y serve u s better.

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Perhaps by a sk i ng s u c h q ue s t i o n s, we c a n beg i n t o re l i eve o u r m i n d s of o u tworn a ss u m p t i o n s a nd expose the roots of t h e p ro b l e m s s h a red by a l l peoples. Seei n g our p ro b l e m s m o re d i re c t l y, we c a n c lear away con f u s i o n a n d bec o m e aware o f the u rgent n eed for a new k i n d of k n owl edge. Often t h e very awa reness t h at a n emergency ex i st s can st i m u l a te o u r m i n d s t o t h e i r g reatest power a n d c l a r i ty, s i m u l t a n e o u s l y broad e n i n g a n d foc u s i n g o u r v i s i o n , a n d wa k i n g u s up to a greater range of a l ternat ives. A s l eep, we re l i n q u i s h any hope of c reat i n g t h e f u t u re we desi re. Awake, we h ave an opportu n i ty to d i scover wi t h i n ou rse lves n ew so u rces of u n d e rsta n d i n g t h a t m ay ben efi t u s now a n d protect o u r fut u re m o re effec t ively. Each t i m e we accept respo n s i b i l i ty for wh a t h ap pens in o u r l ives, our recep t i v i ty to deeper u n d er stand i n g i nc reases. O u r o pe n n ess to k n ow l edge d raws g reater k n owledge t o us. As o u r u nd e rs t a n d i n g deepens, o u r c o n fi d e n ce i n k n owledge g rows s t ro n ger, a n d we are a b l e to widen o u r s p h ere of re spon s i b i l i ty . Even t u a l l y, o u r sense of respo n s i b i l i ty broadens natura l ly to i nc l ude t h e we l fa re of a l l bei ngs. Even the act i o n s of one i n d iv i d u a l who w h o l e hearted ly add resses t h e pro b l e m s i n h i s or her own l i fe can be refl ected i n soc iety and beyond, i n to t h e world. J u st as a s i n g l e l i g h t att racts atte n t i o n o n a d a r k n ight, act i o n i nfo rmed b y k n owl edge at tracts and awakens oth ers, i n sp i r i n g e m u l a t i o n . Those w h o h ave po s i t i o n s of l eadersh i p h ave a u n i q u e opportu n i ty to m a k e a g reat i m pact o n t h e world. T h o u g h t h ey h o l d power o n ly briefl y, t h e con seq uen ces o f t h e i r act i o n s c a n e n d u re f a r i n to t he

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f u t u re. I n s u pport i n g broader u n derst a n d i n g of t h e stre n gt h s a n d wea k n esses o f both mod ern a n d trad i t i on a l c u l t u re s a n d i n e n c o u rag i n g i n te n sive research i n to t h e n at u re of h u m a n k n ow l edge, t hey c o u l d h e l p a l l eviate i n d iv i d u a l a n d soc i a l pro b l e m s a n d l ay t h e fo u n d a t i o n for t h e d i scovery o f t h e root cau ses of frustrat i o n and d i ssati sfac t i o n . T h e knowledge ga i n ed wo u l d offer g reater h o pe for bette ri ng t h e h u m an c o n d i t i o n wo rldwide, fosteri n g m u t u a l app rec i ation among a l l peo p l e s a n d c u l t u res. A n a t u r a l bal a nce based o n a w i d e r v i s i o n of h u m a n be i n g cou l d provi de a m o re sta b l e fo u n d at i o n for peace than any ' b a l a nce o f powe r' a m o n g a few d o m i n a n t n a t i o n s . T h e re h ave b e e n t i m es i n t h e past w h e n un usual i n d i vi d u a l s acted fro m a h i g h e r k n owledge for the be n efi t of t h e wo r l d . Reca l l i ng their exa m p les, we can i n sp i re o u rse lves t o q u est i o n t h e d i rect i o n of o u r l ives a n d f i n d wi t h i n o u rselves t h e k n owledge to transform d estructive att i t u d e s a n d act i o n s i n to a posit ive force for world peace. To s u st a i n m o tivat i o n , we can i m pri n t t h e h e ad l i n e s we read u po n o u r m i n d s , a n d visual ize a wo r l d where a l l peo p l e s c o u l d l ead m ea n i n gfu l l i ves free of a n x i ety a n d pa i n .

8

K n ow l ed ge an d S e l f

Could we be entirely free from reliance on 'the self who knows?

1Y u r way of k n owi n g a n d act i n g i n o u r wor l d , c o n

\0 t i n u a l l y re i n fo rc ed by o u r c u l t u ra l c o n d i t i o n i n g,

has estab l i s h ed a c o m p lex i n te rl o c k i n g syst e m . Every t h i ng- lang uage, ed u cat i o n a l syst e m s, eco n o m i es, c o m merce, po l i t ics, and soc i a l i n st i t u t i o n s- i s d e pe n d e n t u p o n everyth i n g e l se. U n d erlyi n g t h i s g reat su pers tructure are o u r c o n cepts, bel i efs, a ss u m p t i o n s, va l u es, a n d att i t u d es, w h i c h are l i n ked toget her l i ke a n u n d ergro u nd n etwork of p i pel i n es c o n n ect ing c i t i es across a vast c o n t i n e n t . B u t the p i pes a re o l d , a n d too n arrow fo r t h e pressu res t h ey m u st bear. L e a k s are e r u p t i n g ; wh i l e we t ry to repa i r t h e leaks o n e by o n e , adj u st i n g to each crisi s, we a re con t i n u a l l y exten d i n g the n etwo rk i t s e l f . Becau se t h e o r i g i n a l p i pes a r e deeply b u ri ed a n d we do not k n ow h ow t h ey are i n terco n n ected, we h ave no way to t h o ro u g h l y exa m i n e t h e e n t i re syst e m . Despite t h e u nc erta i n t i e s a n d cost, we seem c o m -


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m itted to o u r p resent cou rse of acti o n . We ca n n ot even c o n ceive o f a n ew p a ttern that wo u l d serve o u r n eed s bette r. Because we see no v i a b l e a lternatives, we shy away from the evi de nce t h a t o u r pro b l e m s a re pro l i fera t i ng, th reate n i n g the we l fa re o f the i n d i vid u a l and soc i ety a l i ke. We may l i ke to p o i n t out proofs of t h e success o f o u r way o f l i fe; we ta ke pride in the m ateri a l a n d soc i a l ben efits o u r soc i ety e n joys. But w e can not c o m p l ete l y i g n o re th e sym pto m s of what see m s to be a deep u n derl y i n g d i stress. A l t h o u g h some peo p l e today te n d to b l a m e tec h n o l o gy for o u r d i ffi c u lties a n d seek so l ut i o n s i n re turn i n g to a s i m p l e r way of l i fe, the knowledge that h a s given u s so m uc h t h a t i s u se f u l i s n o t i n h erently dest ructive. O u r p ro b l e m s d o n ot seem to be rooted i n tec h n o l ogy , b u t i n o u r i n a b i l i ty to b a l a n c e th i s k n ow l edge with a w i d e r v i s i o n o f h u m a n l i fe. T h ro u g h o u t h i story h u m an b e i n g s h ave adopted m a n y ways o f k n owi n g i n o rd e r to o r i ent th e m selves to thei r wor l d a n d d er ive m ea n i n g fro m existence. Today we tend to c o n s i d er o l de r v i ews that c o n fl ict with o u r own a s rem n a n t s of a m ore n a ive s tage of h u m a n c o n sc i o u sn ess. B ut i n e m b rac i n g o u r own u n d e r l y i n g attitudes t o knowledge without q u esti o n , w e fa i l t o a p p re c i ate t h e va l u e o f o t her perspectives t h a t co u l d w i d e n o u r v i s i o n . T h e k n ow l edge we c o n s i d e r n ew' c o n s i s t s p r i m a r i I y o f s c i e n t i fi c b reakth ro u g h s that wi l l c h a n ge o u r perspective o n t h e p h y s i c a l worl d , o r g ive u s n ew i n s i g hts i nto soc i a l o r p s yc h o l o g i c a l re a l i t i e s . B u t n o m atte r h o w e a rth s h a k i n g these d i scoveries seem to be, they d o n ot a ffec t o u r b a s i c a p p roach to k n owledge. I

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U n l ess we see the l i m itat i o n s o f o u r u n d e rstan d i n g and take steps t o overco m e t h e m , what we d o now may bri n g u s the opposite of what we wa n t . Is t h e price in loss of peace of m i n d and e n j oym e n t of l i fe wo rt h t h e benefits we a re ga i n i n g ? M i g h t t h e costs c o m e to exceed t h e b e n efits? If so m a ny people i n o u r soc i e t ies a re d i ssat i sfi ed, u n a b l e to a p prec i ate t h e o pportu n i t i es and beauty of o u r way of l i fe, what i s t h e p u rpose o f o u r k n owledge? U l t i m a te l y, t h e fu l l price o f act i n g w i t h o u t a broader u nd e rstan d i n g of t h e i m p l i c a t i o n s of o u r act i o n s m ay i n c l u d e t h e s u rre n d e r o f t h e h u m a n heart a n d m i nd to a way of l i fe t h a t perpetu ates n o t o n ly frustrat i o n , b u t a l so h o p e l es s n ess a n d d e s p a i r . Today, o u r m a n y fo r m s of k n ow l edge a l l d e rive from a view of h u m a n be i n g a s separate fro m t h e envi ro n i n g wo r l d . T h i s v i ew comes n a t u ra l l y to u s , for i t is rooted in our bas ic perceptu a l patt e rn s and is rei n forced by the i n tegra t i n g and d e d u c t ive p rocesses of the rat i o n a l m i n d . We d iv i d e o u r wo r l d i n to self a n d ot her, a n d est a b l i s h o u rselves a s a g e n t s act i n g u po n a n d respo n d i n g to s i t u a t i o n s. By t h i s w e co m m i t o u rsel ves t o a v i ew g ro u n d ed i n separa t i o n . W e stand outside what is k n owa b l e, fi n d i n g m e a n i n g t h ro u g h t h e ra n g e of h u m a n perce p t i o n , t h e capac i t ies of t h e sen ses, a n d the i n terpretat i o n o f t h e observer. We h ave no d i rect k n owl edge, for we m a k e o u rselves separate fro m k n owledge, a n d beco m e the ' o n e who k n ows'. K n owledge i ts e l f beco m es a n o t h e r obj ect we possess. The observer c o n s i d e rs h i s po s i t i o n as do-er a n d k n ow-er t o b e cen tral to experi e n c e . I f t h e re i s n o o n e to k n ow, h ow cou l d t h e re b e k n owi n g ? I f t h e re i s n o o n e t o act, h ow co u l d t h e re b e ac t i o n ? T h i s way o f u ndersta n d i n g we i g h ted towa rd a s e l f w h o must respo nd to a n d act u po n the wo r l d l ea d s u s to react

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to a n d eva l u a t e every s i t u at i o n fro m a fixed po i n t of v i ew: o u rse lves. T h u s , wh i l e we see ou rsel ves as u s i n g k n owledge, i t m ay be m o re accura te to s a y t h a t what we k n ow is u s i n g us: We a re d rawn i nt o respon d i n g t o a l l t h at occurs a ro u n d u s . F ro m t h e v i ewpo i n t o f t h e separate self, i t i s very d i ffi cu l t to ' l et be', res t i n g i n p u re observa t i o n , w i t h o u t t h i n k i n g o f what we can d o a s a res u l t o f w h a t w e are o bservi n g . Eve ry s i t u a t i o n i s a n i nv i t a t i o n to create a no t h e r o n e we v i ew as m o re d e s i ra b l e. S ucceed i ng s i t u a t i o n s a l so h ave poss i b i l i t i es for i m provement, so we repea t t h e cyc l e again a n d aga i n . We act, eva l u a te, a n d act aga i n , e l a bora t i n g u po n what we h ave done before. In re l at i n g to o u r wo r l d as a pro b l e m to be acted u po n , we pred i s pose o u rsel ves toward d i ssati sfact i o n . O u r m i n d s eas i l y l o o k p a s t t h e posi t i ve aspects o f a n y s i t u a t i o n a n d f oc u s u po n w h a t seem s t o be m issi n g o r p ro b l e m a t ic. Beca u se w e va l u e t h i s i nc i s i ve crit ical a b i l i ty, we tend t o e m p h as i z e it in o u r ed ucat i o n a l processes a n d v i ew i t as a h a l l m a r k of i n t e l l i gence. B u t i n rei n fo rci n g t h i s a p p ro ac h , we may not n o t ice t h a t we r u n t h e d a n ger of tra i n i ng o u rse lves i n to a perpetu a l state of d i sco n t e n t , pu nct u ated o n l y by waves o f p l ea s u re or p a i n , w i t h t h e prospect of h a p p i ness j u st o u t o f reach . T h i s d i sco n t e n t can feed a deep i n n e r frustra t i o n , for we n ever seem to 'get' s a t i s fact i o n . O u r act i o n s can bri n g us, at best, o n ly t e m porary p l ea s u re. We m ay spend o u r wh o l e l i fe t ry i n g to so lve t h e pro b l e m s and feed the ' n eed s' o f t h i s ' s e l f', w i t h o u t ever sto p p i n g to q u es t i o n w h y , w i t h a l l t h i s effort, we h ave l i tt le real sa t i sfact i o n a n d experi e nce so m uch e m o t i o n a l pai n .

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As t h e doer a n d p ro b l e m -so lver, we a re res t l e ss i n the prese n t , b u sy wo r ry i n g a b o u t o r a n t ic i p at i ng t h e f u t u re; d i s t racted, w e can no t s e e c l e a r l y t h e tenden cies i n m ot i o n h e re and n ow. Even t s a ppear i s o l ated and d i sco n n ected ; t h ey seem to m ove faster a n d faster, crowd i n g i n o n u s , g i v i n g u s l es s a n d l ess s p ace to refl ect m e a n i ngfu l l y u po n w h a t i s h a p pe n i ng . We feel forced to resp o n d , b u t o u r respon ses a re ' seco nd h and', n ever n ew, a lways b ased o n m em o ri es or shadows o f desi res. Our o pp o rt u n i ties t o l e a rn fro m o u r experie nce a n d b r i n g n ew u n d e rsta n d i n g to o u r responses co n t i n u a l l y d i m i n i s h . I t see m s we ca n o n l y repeat patte rn s t h at h ave led u s into d i ffi cu l t i es in the past. T h i s d u p l ica t i o n is i n here n t l y e ne rva t i n g and wastef u l , d u l l i n g to t h e h u m an s p i r i t . R a t h e r t h a n o pen i n g t o o p p o rt u n i ti e s that en rich o u r experi ence, l i fe t e n d s to g row m o re n arrow a n d restricti ve. B o u nd to t h e s a m e u nd erstand i ng, we are also bound to the same act i o n s a n d res u l ts . Th u s we t e n d to respond i n p red icta b l e ways, l i ke a dog who j o i n s i n wh e n h e hears a n o t h e r dog b a r k i n g . Acc u sto m ed to react i n g to eve ry s i t u at i o n , we hei g h ten i n t e r n a l a g i tat i o n , wh ich m a n i fests as exci te men t. Te nse and o ff- b a l a nce, we reach o u tside o f ou rselves i n a n t ic i p a t i o n , ready to react ever m o re q u ickly to wh atever h appens. I n a n exci ted , h i g h l y react ive state, w e can n o t a p p l y we l l t h e k n owledge a n d experience we h ave, and m ay act u a l l y i n crease pressu res and p ro b l e m s fo r o u rselves or others. No m atter h ow good o u r i n te n t i o n s, we m ake m i stakes. Obl i ged to react before we h ave fu l l k n owledge of what we a re d o i n g, we can n o t co n n ect o u r act i o n s w i t h t h e res u l t s t h a t fo l l ow, part icu l a r l y i f t h e resu l t s

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do n o t s h ow u p a t o n ce. P ro b l e m s a p pear to ari se as i so l ated i n c i d e n ts, for we c a n n ot see t h e i r i n t e rco n n ect i o n s . T h u s i t c a n be d i ffi c u l t t o l earn fro m m i s takes a n d ga i n t h e f u l l benefit of o u r experi e n ce. When o u r m i n d s a re h i g h l y a t t u n ed to q u i c k re s p o n ses, we l o o k a n d feel a l e rt a n d q u i c k -witted, b u t t h i s fee l i n g of a l ertn ess i s based o n t e n s i o n a n d c a n be d ecept ive : U nd e r press u re, o u r i n t e l l igence a n d per spective can eas i l y be m i sd i rected and d i storted . It is very d iffi c u l t to deter m i n e wh e t h e r we are respon d i n g f r o m a bas i s of rea l k n owl edge o r f r o m a n eed t o protect o u r pos i t i o n . I f o u r own v i ew o f o u rselves o r o u r posi t io n i s a t stake, w e m i g h t n o t n o t i c e h ow e m o t i o n a l a g i t a t i o n i s lead i n g o u r m i nd s, m arsh a l i n g t h e force of o u r t h o u g h t s a n d l o g i c a l p rocesses, a n d foc u s i n g t h e m on what we perc e ive a s a seri o u s p ro b l e m o r d a nger. W h e n we are t h reaten ed we can feel very certa i n that we are act i n g from h i g h m o t i va t i o n a n d i d ea l s; o u r word s so u n d c o n f i d e n t a n d reaso n a b l e, a n d e m o t i o n a l power g i v e s t h e m t h e r i n g o f co n v i c t i o n . O nce w e h ave t a k e n a pos i t i o n a n d stated i t c l early, we c a n co n v i n ce o u rselves and o t h e rs t h at i t i s true. As we gather s u p p o rt for o u r l o g i c and v i ew, our v i s i o n n a rrows, l i m i t i n g u s to a posi t i o n t h a t a p pears to be o u r o n l y a l tern a t i ve. C h a n n e l ed i n o n l y o n e d i rect i o n , o u r e n e rgy goes i n to m a i n ta i n i n g a n d defe n d i n g t h i s pos i t i o n ever m o re o n e- po i n ted l y u n t i l we become l o c ked i n to a co u rse of a c t i o n that we v i ew as i n evi t a b l e . See i n g n o a l t e r n a t i ves, we act stro n g l y a n d d ec i s i vely w i t h l i t t l e regard f o r t h e res u l ts . W h e n t h i s cyc l e rea c h es a h i g h p i tc h o f t e n s i o n , w e m ay f e e l we h ave t o m a k e wh atever sacri fi ces a re

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n ecessary to m a i n t a i n o u r pos i t i o n . T h i s v i ew is very powerfu l ; i t fu ses a l l o f o u r ded icat i o n , m o r a l s t re n g t h , a n d fa i t h to a s i n g l e objective. T h ose arou n d u s respond to t h i s strength o f fee l i n g ; s o m e a re attrac ted to su pport us, b u t o t h ers react j u st as s t ro n g l y by ta k i n g t h e oppos i te vi ew. O n ce t h i s h ap p e n s , t h e c o n d i t i o n s for g ri d l oc k a re esta b l i sh e d . Both s i d e s t h e n h ave n o c h o i ce b u t to fo l l ow a co u rse o f act i o n t h a t wo rks aga i n st the best i n te rests of a l l . I f we l oo k a t o u r own exper i e n c e h o n estly, we c a n re member t i m es i n o u r l i ves when we fe l t w e h ad n o alternat ives, a n d acted i n ways t h a t we n t aga i n st o u r consc i e nce, perh aps even aga i n st o u r own we l fa re. Perhaps we felt forced i n to d o i n g so m et h i n g we rea l l y d i d n o t wa n t t o d o . Loo k i n g back o n t h ose expe r i en ces, we m ay wo n d e r why i t h ad to be t h at way. What i f we had spoken a n d acted d i fferen t l y ? Was t h e i s s u e real ly t h a t i m po rt a n t ? S u re l y t h e re m u s t h ave been other possi b i l i t i e s that wo u l d h ave l ed to m o re sat i sfyi n g res u l t s o r c a u sed less d i sru pt i o n i n o u r l ives. Yet at t h e t i m e we fe l t very c o n f i d e n t t h at we were d o i n g t h e o n ly right t h i n g . Ti mes of great ten s i o n i n evitably a r i s e n o t o n l y i n o u r perso n a l l i ves b u t i n o u r soc i et i es a n d t h e l a rger world as we l l . G ro u ps and n a t i o n s a l i ke are v u l n era b l e today t o cyc les of t e n s i o n a n d reactive n ess t h a t cou l d lead u s i n to great d an ger. I n t h e past, when te n s i o n s were h e i g htened, i n c i d e n t s occu rred t h at see m ed t riv i a l in ret ro spect, but were vi ewed at t h e t i m e as j u s t i ficat i o n s for aggress i o n . The po l a r i t i es t h a t n ow exi st between the s u perpowers o f the wo rld h ave created the poten t i a l for react ive respo n ses t h at c o u l d l o c k us i nto destructive act i o n s, with far-reac h i n g c o n se q u ences for t h e f u t u re.

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r;\.n ow, m o re t h a n ever befo re, it i s i m po rt a n t for U'\J us to reco n s i d er o u r p rese n t a t t i t u des toward k n ow l edge a n d wo rk toward m o re co m p re h e n s ive a n d effect ive m e t h o d s of address i n g o u r problems. When we see t h e h i d d e n d a n gers in a s e l f-ori e n ted view, a n d rea l i ze h ow i t c a n d i stort o u r perspect ive in poten t i a l ly self-destructive ways, we h ave an o ppor t u n i ty to co n s i d e r other possi b i l i t i es. To t h e degree t h at we c a n t a p a n ew k n owledge a n d i m pr i n t it deep in o u r m e m o ry, we can shape the o u tcome of the crises we face as i n d iv i d u a l s and as soc i et i es. W h e n we c a n re l ax our hold o n self-cente red pos i t i o n s, we l essen t h e p ress u re that i n t e n s i fi es react ive t e n d e n c i e s . T h e n t h e re i s m o re a l l owance for c l arity a n d a g reater recept i v i ty to n ew k n owledge. T h i n k i ng t h ro u g h each s i t u a t i o n with a more awa kened q u a l i ty o f m i n d , we can protect o u rselves better from e m ot i o n a l reac t i o n s a n d gai n a new perspect ive o n k n owledge. A l l owi n g m o re roo m for a p p rec i a t i o n in our l i ves, we can see s i t ua t i o n s n o t so m uc h as pro b l e m s to be acted u po n , b u t as o p po rt u n i t i es fo r i n q u i ry a n d learn i n g. T h i s att i t u de g i ves u s space to observe t h e scope o f o u r s i t u at i o n m o re c l early a n d to d i scover more effective ways of respo n d i n g . W h e n we beg i n to free o u rselves fro m t h e need to react , even emergency s i t u a t i o n s c a n sti m u l ate a n ew c l a r i t y a n d depth of v i s i o n t h at i nvite n ew i n s i g h t s a n d creative act i o n s. We co u l d fu rther w i d e n o u r v i ew by cons i d eri ng h ow m u ch we o u rselves h ave benefited fro m the effo rts o f m a n y who came befo re u s . B u i lt up over h u n d reds of t h o u s a n d s of years, the wo r l d ' s store of k n owledge is a rich reso u rce, the h eri tage of every

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h u m a n b e i n g . In o u r l an g u age, o u r u p b r i n g i ng, and i n o u r ed uca t i o n , we h ave d rawn u p o n t h i s k n ow l edge. All t h at we h ave learned fro m our l i fe experience is a l so k n owledge, and we express o u r u n d erstan d i n g i n everyt h i n g we d o . Each mo m e n t, each s i t u a t i o n i s a n oppo r t u n ity t o reflect o n o u r experience a n d u se i t to extend the k n owl edge we em body. The m o re we exte n d o u r k n owl edge, the m o re we can free o u rse lves from the n eed to repeat s i t u a t i o n s t h a t c a u se p a i n to o u rse lves a n d others. With every i n s i g h t we g row i n understa n d i ng; we h e l p o u rse lves, a n d we c o n t ri b u te to kn owledge t h a t carries t h e pote n t i a l for benefi t i ng f u t u re genera t i o n s . Consi deri n g t h a t k nowled ge, l i berated fro m o u r wish t o possess i t , i s u n se l fi sh a n d g i v i n g , l i ke l i fe i tself, we m i g h t be a b l e to t o u c h u po n a fu l l e r u n d e rsta n d i n g of what i s tru l y va l u a b l e for h u m an l i fe. Cou l d w e be e n t i rely free from re l ia n c e on the ' s e l f who k n ows'? Rather than d epen d i n g on ' b e i n g aware o f' t h i n gs, a n actor a l ways pressu red t o react, m i g h t we b e a b l e to i nvestigate an awa reness t h a t is n ot bo u n d to t h e agent, an awa reness c l oser to t h e p u re n at u re o f k nowled ge ? I f w e p u rs u ed t h ese q u es t i o n s , w e m ig h t fi n d t h ere a re n o l i m i t a t i o n s t o wh at w e c a n k n ow.

9

B reak i n g T h ro u g h t h e K n own

Q ues tioning and being aware: These are the most precious teachers. They dwell in the hear t of every human being who begins to awaken to the was te and danger of an unexamined life.

? h e e n e rgy t h a t activates t h e u n i verse m an i U fests i n sh i f t i n g patterns o f for m s : E n ergy becomes form a n d for m e n e rgy in c o m p l ex i n teract i o n s so c l o se l y e n twi n ed t h at h u m a n eyes c a n not perceive the i n cessa n t f l ow of c h a n ge. Each form a r i ses from what h as go n e before, i n a c o n t i n u o u s st rea m of beco m i ng. No beg i n n i n g i s wh o l ly n ew; n o end i n g i s a co m p l ete term i n ati o n . O n l y t h e sen se o rga n s of se n t i en t bei ngs, spec i a l i zed for a l i m i ted sca l e and d i m e n s i o n , struc t u re d i sc rete form s f ro m the con t i n u a l stream of beco m i n g . T h e fo rm s w e v i ew as sol i d a r e i n rea l i ty spac i o u s a n d teem i n g w i t h e n e rgy, c o n s t a n t l y part i c i pati ng i n t h e c reative p l ay of t h e u n iverse. Fro m t h e farthest n e b u l ae to t h e m o s t m i n u te particles of o u r own bod i es, n ot h i ng in o u r world is s t a t i c- not stars, not

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m o u n tai n s, not l i v i n g bei n gs. The a i r we breathe, t h e water we d ri n k, the earth we s t a n d u po n a re a l l i n dyn a m i c move m e n t , respo n d i n g t o a n i n n e r t i m i ng . As h u m a n bei n g s, w e a re a l l c h i l d re n o f t i m e, shaped by factors i n c o n s t a n t fl ux, a n d g rown to ad u l t h ood t h ro u g h a co n t i n u a l series o f t ra n sf o r m a t i o n s . Ce l l s w e were born wi t h h ave been re p l aced many t i mes over. O u r bod i es a n d t h e i r c o n st i t u e n t parts a re n ever st i l l , wh i l e o u r c o n sc i o u s n ess, feel i n gs, percept i o n s, and cogn i t i o n s co n t i n u a l l y respo n d to the energ i e s t h at s h i ft a n d flow a ro u n d u s. Each act i o n , each t h o u g h t , each m o m e n t o f o u r exi stence i s t h e express i o n o f t h o u sa n d s , perhaps m i l l i o n s o f s u b t l e movem en t s a n d i n t eract i o n s. When we part i c i pate so i n t i m a te l y i n t h e u n ceas i n g move m e n t of a l l t h a t i s , w h e re i s th e re a fixed po i n t o f refe rence? Yet l o n g ago, h u m a n bei ngs, exerc i s i ng t h e i r a b i l ity to d i scri m i n a t e a n d j udge, formed a concept of t h e m sel ves a s separate observers so m e h ow apart from the wo r l d ' o u t t h e re'. L i v i n g w i t h i n th i s co ncept, forgetfu l t h a t we o u rselves c reated i t , we have learned to stand back a n d c o m m e n t on t h e wo r l d , eval uat i n g o u r experi ences a s good or b a d , desi r i n g s o m e objects a n d experien ces, wh i l e avo i d i n g oth ers. The separate, i n d e p e n d e n t , a n d s i n g l e ' k n ower' who stan d s apart from h i s s u rro u n d i n g s form s t h e basis of o u r v i ew of o u rselves a n d o u r wo rld, a n d per m eates the fabric of o u r existence. In the past, h u ma n consc i o u s n ess m ay h ave b e e n m o re f l ex i b l e , o p e n t o other vi ews a n d co n cepts. B u t over t h e c e n t u ries we have come i n c reas i n g l y to d epend on t h e v i ewp o i n t of t h e i n dependent k n ower, c rowd i n g o u t o t h e r a p proac hes to k n owledge.

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P u rs u i n g t h e way of t h e observer, we h ave deve l o ped m o re a n d m o re se n s i t i ve i n stru m e n t s t o height e n t h e capab i l i t i e s o f t h e senses. We h ave refi n ed o u r l ogical facu l t i es a n d t r i ed to pu rge o u r m i nds of perso n a l p rej u d ice to p u r i fy our k n owledge from s u b j ect ivi ty, t h u s i n s u r i n g an object ive po i n t of vi ew. Object ive k n ow l edge g a i n ed w i t h such care cer tai n ly see m s far m o re re l i a b l e t h a n k n owl edge based on u n exa m i n ed ass u m pt i o n s or b l i n d be l i ef. It l ets u s m ove w i t h prec i s i o n from s peci fic facts to general hypoth eses o r from p re m i ses to speci fic facts; i t a l l ows u s to m a k e o b se rvat i o n s, deve l o p a n d test t h eori es, a n d t h e n eva l u ate and i n terp ret res u l ts . Even s o , t h e t h eo r i e s a n d res u lts, t h e q u es t i o n s we a s k , as we l l a s t h e facts we d erive from o bservat i o n , a re a l l s h aped b y o u r s u bj ective t h o u g h ts, co nce pts, .'ssoci a t i o n s, m e m o ri es, past k n ow l edge, experi ence, a n d t h e particu l a r q u i rk s of t h e i n q u i ri n g m i n d . The d i s t i nc t i o n between s e l f a n d object is i t self a co ncept, co n t i n u a l l y co n c re t i zed in o u r l i n g u i st i c patt e r n s . Even refi n ed sy m bo l ic l og ic a n d m a t h e m atics, wh ich bypass co n ve n t i o n a l l a n g u age a n d m ove cl oser to object i v ity, a re st i l l gro u n d ed i n m a ny fu n d a m en t a l a n d u n q u es t i o n ed pre m i ses. Despite o u r e ffo rts at d et ach m e n t , h u m a n co n sci o u s n ess part ic i p ates i n o u r ' o bjective' k n owledge. And th i s con sci o u s n ess i t s e l f has n ever been s u bjected to a t h o ro u g h scru t i n y . O u r k n owledge is n o t obj ect ive i n t h e abso l u te sen se; i n stead , it is o n ly t h e pu rest form o f s u b j ect ive k n owledge we are a b l e to ach i eve. T h i s k n ow l edge we co n s i d e r object ive can re l ate to t h e wo r l d o n l y as extern a l to the k n ower; it ca n n ot

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convey i m m ed iate k n owledge o f t h e forces that pattern a l l t h at exists, i n c l u d i n g o u r bod i e s a n d m i n d s . We c a n descri be t h e a p peara n ce of rea l i ty, b u t ca n n ot kn ow rea l i ty d i rectly. W i t h o u t co m p lete k n owledge of what we, the ' k n owers', are, we can n ever u n d e rst a n d h o w we a re d i sto rt i n g o u r view o f rea l i ty; w e c a n n ever a rrive a t p u re objec t i v i ty. It t h u s see m s c r i t i ca l l y i m portant that we l earn m o re a b o u t t h e n a t u re o f h u m a n c o n sc i o u s n ess. B u t i f o u r o bj ect i ve k n owledge i s o n l y a b l e to re l ate to the wor l d as ext e rn a l to the k nowe r, can we u se its methods to k n ow o u r co n sc i o u s n es s ? Com m i tted to separa t i n g the k n ower fro m what is k n owab l e, we h ave to co n c l u d e t h a t we can not k n ow o u r own consc i o u s n ess, bec a u se we c a n not sepa rate o u rselves from it to d e fi n e a n d m ea s u re it. O n c e we take t h i s posi t i o n , we h ave t o bel i eve t h a t cert a i n t h i n g s a re u l t i m ately u n k n owa b l e . Then we g i ve p r i o ri ty to what we c a n k n ow, and relegate the ' u n k n owab l e' t o t h e rea l m of spec u l a t i o n . W i t h i n th i s v i ew, w e c a n n ever be cert a i n o f the true n a t u re and p o te n t i a l i t i e s of h u man consc i o u s n ess. Yet a l l o f o u r logic is rooted i n the patte r n i n g s o f a m i n d we co n s i d e r u n k n owa b l e; t h i s l og i c i t se l f, h owever, c a n n ot be va l i d ated wit h o u t greater k n ow l edge of t h e h u m a n m i n d . Clearly, i n ord e r t o g a i n t r u l y o bj ective k n owledge of the dyn a m i c forces that govern both the struct u re of the physical wo r l d a n d t h e wo rk i n gs of o u r m i n d s , w e n eed t o k n ow o u r c o n sc i o u s n ess. B u t how c a n we ga i n t h i s k nowledge? I t m ay not be so i m poss i b l e as it see m s . Perhaps we h ave given u p too soo n , c o n vi nced by o u r own l o g i c that o u r fi n d i n gs c a n n ever be co n c l u s ive.

80


O u r wh o l e a pproach to k n ow l ed ge may be based u p o n an assu m pt i o n of separa t i o n t h a t is n o t o rga n i c t o o u r consc i o u s n ess. To d i scover m o re com pre h e n sive k n owledge o f h u m a n c o n sc i o u s n ess, w e may n eed t o penetrate s u c h b a s i c ass u m pt i o n s a n d develop an a p proach s u i t ed to a n ew o r i e n t a t i o n towa rd k n owl edge. H ow c a n we e n co u rage bre a k t h ro u ghs that cou ld revea l n ew a p proaches to rea l i ty ? A l t h o u gh we c a n m a n i p u l ate a n d process i n fo r m at i o n , a n a l yze o u r fi n d i n g s, a n d p erceive re l a t i o n s h i p s we consider s i g n i fi c a n t , we seem u n a b l e t o evo ke a t wi l l o u r capac i t i e s f o r reac h i n g beyo nd t h e co n f i n e s of what is k n ow n . We ac k n owl edge the q u a l i ty o f v i s i o n that we term gen i u s, b u t tend to v i ew i t as a n u n pred ictable a be rrat i o n ra t h e r than as a n at u ra l expre s s i o n o f h u m a n aware n ess. Perh a p s by c h a n g i n g t h i s vi ew, a n d defi n i n g gen i u s as i n tri n s i c to h u m a n b e i n g , we m i g h t fi nd better ways of c u l t i va t i n g t h i s pote n t i a l . W e k n ow t h at i n d iv i d u a l s c a n b reak free from m e n t a l and e m ot i o n a l h a b i t s t o i n t rod u ce n ew k n owl edge i n to the wo r l d . I n sp i ra t i o n gave r i se to t h e great s p i r i t u a l and p h i l o so p h i c a l t rad i t i o n s; wi t h i n the con text o f scie nce, a few i ndependent t h i n kers, rely i ng o n i n t u i t i o n o r a s e n se o f a est h e t i c h a r m o ny, h ave been a b l e to m o l d sc i e n t i fi c t e r m s a n d m a t h e m a t i c a l sy m b o l s to exp ress t h e i r i n s i g h ts, c o m m u n i c a t i n g pro fo u n d l y d i ffe re n t i d e a s t h a t g rea t l y expa n d ed o u r u n d e rsta n d i n g of physi c a l l aws a n d re l a t i o n sh i ps. Com m u n i cat i o n o f s u c h n ew i d eas h a s a lways been ten u o u s, depe n d i n g u po n caref u l l y t h o u g h t - o u t con n ect i o n s t o accepted k n owl edge. When t h e t i m es did n o t favor t h e i d eas, o r the c o n cepts a l l owi n g co n n ec-

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tions to be m a d e were l a c k i n g , b ri l l i a n t i n si g h ts wen t u n reco g n i zed f o r g e n e ra t i o n s, s o m et i m es fo r c e n t u ri es. Perh aps m a n y t i m es t h e co n n ect i o n to accepted knowl edge was not m ad e at a l l , to what l o ss for t h e world we c a n n o t c o m pre h e n d . n moments of wo nder a n d great h u m i l i ty, h u m a n bei ngs t h ro u g h the ages h ave fe l t a d i ffere n t awareness em e rge n a t u ra l ly w i t h i n t h e m o re fa m i l i a r ways o f v i ewi ng t h e m selves a n d t h e i r wo r l d . Perhaps many of u s h ave k n own q u i et m o m e nts when t i m e seem ed t o stan d sti l l , a n d for a brief i n terval o rd i n ary preocc u p at i o n s faded i n to a n overpoweri ng a p prec i a t i o n of everyt h i n g that i s .

O

I n s i g h t d rawn fro m s u c h m o m en t s of si l en t com m u n i o n with o u r i n nermost bei n g , when o u r sense o f separation i s si le nced b y awe, has i n sp i red creative brea k t h ro u g h s and forms the h ea r t of the wo rld's g reat rel i gi o n s. B u t t i m e a n d t i m e aga i n t h e part o f o u rsel ves that i n sists u po n se parat i o n h a s a r i se n l i ke a reflex, obsc u r i n g o u r i m m ed i ate awa reness of the prese n t moment. A s i n sp i ra t i o n beg i n s t o f a l t e r, w e ret u rn to the s m a l l wor l d o f the sepa rate se l f; t h e n we become sel f-con sc i o u s and d o u bt t h e s i g n i fi c a n c e o f o u r own experien ce. The ev i d e n ce su ggests t h at we m ay h ave p owerfu l u n tapped reso u rces for u ndersta n d i ng o u rselves a n d o u r wo r l d . Y e t we seem very com forta b le w i t h o u r c u rrent ways o f k n ow i n g a n d i n terpre t i n g t h e phys i c a l wo rld and o u r own expe ri ence. O u r wo r l d i s governed by rat i o n a l i ty; even o u r m oo d s a n d e m o t i o n s are l i n ked t h rough reaso n s to o u r t h o u g hts and concepts.

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We bu i l d o u r k n owl edge carefu l ly, t h ro u g h observa t i o n and i n ference, t a k i n g o n e step at a t i m e. If we d o n o t u nd erst a n d t h e reas o n for so m e t h i n g n ow, we a ss u m e we wi l l i n t h e f u t u re, when o u r m e t h o d s of o bservat i o n a re perfected . W h i l e a few gaps ex i s t here a n d t h e re, we c a n fi l l t h e m w i t h t h eo ri e s o r i n terpreta t i o n s, con n ect i n g o n e fact or experi e n ce to the n ext, as if we were s t ri n g i n g a n e c k l ace of bead s. But w h a t i f, in rea l ity, t h e re i s n o string i n the n ec k l ace? W h a t i f t h e string i s o n ly a con struct devi sed by t h e h u m a n m i n d ? H ave we f u l l y exp l o red the s t ru c t u re that orders a l l o f o u r d i ffere n t t h eo ries and exp l a n a t i o n s ? C a n we feel c o n fi d e n t in our k n ow l edge w i t h o u t q u es t i o n i n g t h e s e l f t h a t eva l uates and j u d ges or t h e c o n cept u a l patterns t h at u n i fy o u r fo r m u l a t i o n s ? I f w e d i d n o t re l y exc l u s ively u p o n concep t u a l k n owl edge, m i g h t we fi n d o th e r poss i b i l i t i es for expa n d i ng o u r k n owledge, rat h e r t h a n m o v i n g l i nearly fro m fact t o fact a n d c o ncept t o c on c ep t ? T h e v i ew of o u rselves as separate from t h e wo rld we k n ow i s n ow a l m o st u n iversa l ly s h a red . I t h as gone l a rge ly u n c h a l l e n ged for c e n t u ri es. W h a t i f we c o u l d b rea k t h i s pa t tern a n d beg i n to s e e o u rse lves a n d o u r wor l d i n a n ew l i g h t ? M uc h as w e exp lore t h e m y t h o l o g i e s o f c u l t u res p a s t , m i g h t w e b e a b l e to step o u ts i d e the assu m pt i o n s t h at c o n st r i c t ou r u n d e rstand ing a n d exp l o re the way we i n te ract in t h e wo r l d ? Are t here o t h e r fo r m s of k n owledge t h a t wo u ld serve u s m o re effec t i ve l y ? S u p pose, for exa m p l e , w e c o u l d a p p l y what p h y s i c s h a s l ea r n ed about t h e dynam ics o f e n e rgy and matter to h u m an be i n gs t h e m selves. Wo u l d t h i s g ive us n ew ways to awa ken t h e pote n t i a l of h u m an c o n sc i o u s n ess?

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Perha p s we n eed n o t accept o u rselves so read i l y a s separate fro m o u r world, a s bys tanders t o o u r own expe rience, l i m i ted to j u d g i n g and i n terpret i n g what i s happe n i n g a ro u n d u s . N ow we can overco m e t h i s sense o f separa t i o n o n ly b y acc i d e n t , rel y i n g o n rare moments o f i n s p i ra t i o n t o penetra t e o u r concept u a l barriers. B u t i f w e can q u e ry t h e s e l f t h a t i s separate from i t s wo r l d , we m ay tap the we l l spri ng o f a deeper a n d b roader way of k n owi n g . Loo k i n g d i rectly a t o u r own experi ence, we c a n f i n d re l i ab l e pat hways t o o u r awa reness a n d t race o u r k n owledge back t o i t s roots. Quest i o n i n g and b e i n g awa re: t h ese a re the m o s t preci o u s teachers. T h ey dwe l l i n t h e h eart o f every h u m an be i n g who beg i n s t o awak e n to t h e waste a n d danger of a n u n exa m i n ed l i fe. I n t a k i n g respon s i b i l i ty for o u r l i ves a n d b ac k i n g u p t h a t d ec i s i o n w i t h act i o n , we take t h e fi rst step t oward g reater u n d ersta nd i ng o f t h e natu re of h u m a n be i n g .

�[ffi@�O®cdJ�® @U [E�[P)®[fD®[ffi � ®

C H A PT E R 1 0 : T I M E A N D C H A N G E

Attitudes toward c h a n ge

89

Appreci a t i o n of c h a n ge

89

D i sturbing aspect s of change

90

Resi sta nce to change

90

I na b i l ity to co ntrol c h a n ge

91

I l l us i o n s o f perma n e nce

91

Echoes o f m o rta l i ty

91

C H A PT E R 1 1 : B I RT H A N D Y O U T H

L i fe i n the wo m b Total h e l p l essness

92

Longi ng, frustrat i o n , and fea r

93

Dependency and assert i o n

94

R e l a t i n g to o t h e rs

94

M a n i p u l a t i o n and con fl ict

95

Escape i n to fa n tasy

95

Fee l i n g spec i a l

96

Awaken i n g to se l f

96

H id i ng fee l i ngs

97

G rowi n g up: chal l e n ge a n d i n security

97

B u i l d i n g a perso n a l i ty

97

T i m e of deci s i o n Love, marri age, and fa m i ly

92

1 00 1 01

C H A PT E R 1 2 : Y E A R S O F O U R P R I M E

C h o i ces a n d pressu res L o n e l i n ess a n d i nd ec i s i o n

1 02

Feel i ng l ost Avo i d i ng respo n s i b i l i ty

1 04 1 04

Est a b l i s h i n g a l i ve l i h ood

1 05

R a i s i n g a family

1 05

O b l igat i o n s and e n t a n g l e m e n ts

1 06

P ressu res, a n x i ety, a n d rest lessn ess

1 07

I n s i stency of t h o u g h t s

1 08

D i ffi c u l ty of co m m u n i c at i o n

1 08

Reco n s i d erat i o n o f c h o ices

1 08

1 03

CH APTER 1 3 : THE WAN I N G O F OUR LIVES

T i m e o f c r i s i s : aware n ess o f t i m e

111

Reflec t i o n a n d i n d e c i s i o n

112

Rei n fo rc i n g t h e patte r n s

113

Recu rrence o f a n x i ety

113

Ret i re m e n t : an opport u n i ty?

114

D i m i n i s h i n g v i t a l i ty

115

T h o u g h t s o f death

115

D ec l in i n g years

116

Los i n g h o pe and m ea n i n g

116

Fear of death

116

Dependency a n d death

117

10

T i m e an d C h an g e

Deep in our minds, c hange reminds us of our mortality and our limitations.

'0J::-J7 herever we l ook we see c h a n ge. Even wh a t \!Iv see m s u n a l te ra b l e in t h e wo r l d a ro u n d u s i s i n fl ux i n ways that we can n o t d i rect l y o bserve. C h a n g e i s perh aps t h e c e n t ra l f a c t of o u r ex i s t e n ce. We l i ve su bject to the passage o f t i m e a n d b e n d o u r effo rts to ta m i ng its m o m e n t u m , searc h i ng out ways to c o n t ro l the cou rse o f events o r to t u rn them to o u r adva n tage. As c h a nges occ u r, we scan t h e i r i m p l ica t i o n s : " I s this good for m e ? Do I l i ke i t ? W i l l i t h u rt me?" We wa n t to be h a p py a n d to h o l d o n to what makes u s h a p py. We wan t to feel good a b o u t o u r se lves, to e n gage i n a c t i v i t i e s t h a t b r i n g u s p l eas u re and avo id t h ose t h a t c a u se d i sc o m fo rt . We spend o u r who l e l ives experie n c i n g a n d react i n g t o c h a n ges, t ry ing to exert c o n t ro l in t h e face o f i m pe r m a n e n ce. At the s a m e t i m e, c h a nge c a n o pe n o u r m i n d s to new ways o f v i ew i n g o u rse l ves and o u r re l a t i o n s h i p t o t h e wo r l d , a n d re n ew o u r p l e a s u re i n l iv i n g . W e can ap prec i ate t h e bea u ty of a fl owe r, a h u m a n express i o n , or a s u n set bec a u se i t cont rasts w i t h o u r o rd i n a ry

90


experience; we o bserve i n i t a rare a n d m o mentary state of perfect i o n , wh i c h we va l u e because we k n ow i t wi l l be d i ff e re n t i n t h e n ext m o me n t . Aware of the c o n st a n t flow o f t i m e, we t reas u re m o m e n t s that can be c a p t u red a n d l i fted o u t s i d e t i m e t h ro u g h m em o ry, v i s i o n , or art. Wo u l d we appreciate beauty if we i n h a b i ted a n u n c h a n g i n g wo r l d ? H ow wo u l d we k now we were h a p py i f we cou l d not c o n t rast h a p p i n ess w i t h u n h a p p i n es s ? O u r a p p rec i a t i o n of experience i s c l osely l i n ked to o u r awa re n ess o f c o n t rast and c h a n ge. As l o n g a s c h a n ges accord wi t h what we k n ow o r bri ng u n expected j oy, t h ey re n ew o u r co n fi d ence a n d s e n se o f v i t a l i ty . As w e p l a n , o rgan i ze, a n d d i rect o u r ac t ivi t ies, w e c a n respond to c h a nge as a s t i m u l u s and c h a l l e nge. W h e n we a re c o n fi d e n t and fi l l ed with a sense o f we l l - be i n g, c h a nge m a n i fests a s g rowt h and p rogress. We c a n p u t a s i d e u n p l ea s a n t occu rrences as m i n o r i rr i t a t i o n s , and f o rget t h e m in the m o m en t u m o f ach i ev i n g what we wa n t . B u t w e do n o t see m t o be a b l e to ap prec i ate a l l c h a n ges e q u a l ly. Even t h e c h anges w e c h oose f o r o u r selves d i st u rb o u r acc u st o m ed way o f t h i n k i n g a n d l i v i n g, a n d c reate p h y s i c a l a n d e m o t i o n a l stress. When we m a rry, move to a n ew h o me, or starl a new job, exc i te m e n t prod u ce s t e n s i o n in o u r bod i es and m i n d s . In any new s i t u a t i o n , we can eas i l y bec o m e appre h e n s ive. When we are con fro n ted wi t h c h a n ges we do not want, t h e e ffect i s even stronger and can be deeply u n settl i n g . Posi tive as pec t s of u nwa n ted c h a n ges a re d i ffi c u l t for u s t o see. We fear we wi l l c o m e u p aga i n st s o m et h i n g we c a n n o t h a n d l e t h a t wi l l cause u s pa i n . Faced with opport u n i t i es t o l eave pa i n f u l o r even

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dest ruct i ve re l a t i o n s h i ps or work i n g s i t u a t i o n s, we may fi nd ou rselves c l i n g i n g to t h e fa m i l i a r rat h e r t h a n r i s k i n g n ew a n d u n k n o w n d e m a n d s o n o u r i n n e r reso u rces. Perhaps c h a nge is too t h reate n i n g to face d i rectly. We know t h a t we c a n n o t a l w ays m a ke c h a n ges accord w i t h o u r wi sh es. C h a nge i s i m perso n a l a n d u n c o m prom i s i n g- i t m ay n ot co n form t o o u r expecta t i o n s . I t i s a l so i rrevers i b l e : Except i n fantasy, we c a n n o t t u rn back t h e clock a n d re l i ve p o rt i o n s o f o u r l ives to m a n i pu l ate t h e o u t c o m e o f eve n t s t o o u r l i k i n g. Wh atever i l l u s i o n s of perm a n e n c e we c reate i n our l i ves, the passage of t i m e wi l l end them. Eve n t u a l l y change w i l l separate u s from a l l w e c h e r i s h , even o u r own bod i es. I n t h e m o m e n t of d e a t h , w h a t w i l l b e t h e mea n i n g of t h e pas s i o n s, t h e j oys, t h e s u ffe r i n gs we h ave experi e n ced - t h e rea l i ty we h ave d ea l t w i t h a l l o u r l ives? Wh atever w e co n s i d er i m portant n ow may appear q u i t e d i ff e re n t l y to u s a s we near t h e e n d o f o u r k n o w n f o r m of exi stence. We wo u l d l i ke t o t h i n k t h at we a re i n c o n t ro l o f o u r l i ves, b u t i t seems m o re accu rate to say t h at t i m e , a n d t h e c h a n ges it bri n gs, are in c o n t ro l of u s . Deep i n o u r m i n d s, c h a n g e rem i n d s u s of o u r m o r tal i ty and o u r l i m i t a t i o n s . The echo o f t h i s rem i n d e r reso n ates d e e p w it h i n u s w h e n ever we fi n d o u r se lves u n a b l e to c o n t ro l or to a n t i c i pate t h e flow of events. U l t i m ately, h u m a n b e i n g s, aware that a l l l i fe ends i n deat h, a re n o t co m forta b l e l i v i n g i n a world of consta n t c h a n ge. T h e tra n s i e n c e that u n derl ies a l l o u r experience t i n ges o u r h a p p i n ess w i t h so rrow, o u r confidence w i t h u n cert a i n ty, a n d a l l o f o u r p l ea s u res with pai n .

11

B i rt h a n d Yo u t h

D uring these early years, we pa ttern wa ys of rela ting to the world that ma y s u sta in us for a lifetime.

'\\ C\ f7 e beg i n o u r l ives as a s i n g l e l i v i n g cel l , ig vv n o ra n t of eve n t s t h a t preceded the u n i o n o f s p e r m a n d egg w i t h i n o u r m oth er's body. Yet t h i s ce l l con t a i n s w i t h i n i t , l i ke a n arc h i tect u ra l p l a n , the genet i c i n s t r u c t i o n s and t i m i n g mech a n i s m s t h at w i l l de term i n e t h e p h y s i c a l struct u re o f o u r body a n d the u l t i m ate l i m i ts of our l i fespa n . O u r early m o n t h s a re spe n t i n d a r k n ess a n d total dependency. Th ro u g h o u t t h i s ea r l y deve l o p m e n t , we are i n t i m a t e l y j o i n ed to a n o t h e r h u m a n body, shari ng t h e exper i e n ces of a n o t h e r h u m a n b e i n g . H ow are we a ffected by t h e s h i ft i n g b l ood pressu res, t h e h o r m o n a l a n d c h e m i c a l c h a n ges, t h e e m o t i o n a l tones o f the body in w h i c h we res i d e ? In w h at subtle ways m i ght we ta ke o n our m o t h e r's pred i s pos i t i o n s and even memories? Com p l ete l y i so l ated a n d h e l p less, w i t h consc i o u s n ess a n d senses j u s t s t i rri ng i n to l i fe, we absorb what

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comes th rough t h e wa l l s of t h e wo m b w i t h o u t protest or consent; we c a n n o l c h oose to be born or n o t to be born, or determ i n e t h e c i rc u m st a nces o f o u r b i rt h . I g n o ra n t o f o u r h i story, n o t k n owi n g o u r own n a t u re, possess i n g sen ses b u t d e p rived o f m ost sensory st i m u l a t i o n , we res i d e i n a d a rk e n c l o sed space. H ow does a h u m a n c o n sc i o u s n ess react t o s u c h a s i t u a t i o n ? What fee l i n gs a r i se with i n u s ? W h a t d o we experi e n ce a t the m o m e n t of b i rt h , when we a re s u d d e n ly d i s l odged from t h e o n l y sec u r ity we h ave k n ow n , c o m pressed a n d co n st r i c ted b y powerf u l f o rces, a n d t h ru st i nto a fore i g n wo r l d o f l i g h t , so u nd , a n d o pe n space? Lu ngs exp a n d to s u sta i n o u r fi rst b reaths, stret c h i n g m u sc l es a n d t i ss u es n ever u sed before; f o r t h e fi rst t i m e we k n ow h a rd n ess a n d co l d , a n d awa k e n to o u r existence a s a t r u ly separate bei n g . B u t what c o m fort i s o u r i n d e pendence when we h ave needs a n d are h e l p less to sat i s fy t h e m ? We c ry o u t- fo r what? We m i g h t say a n i n fa n t c ri e s o u t for contact, wa r m t h , and n o u r i s h m e n t ; but what n eeds go u n com m u n icated, what l o n g i n gs rem a i n even when we a re wa rm a n d we l l - fed ? W h a t fru st rat i o n s a n d a n x i e t i es d o o u r pare n t s expe rience after t h ey h ave given a l l t h ey can, a n d s t i l l t h e n eed co n t i n u e s ? H ow do t h e i r a t t i t u d es affect o u r earl i est m o n t h s ? I n fants wa n t , b u t d o n o t s e e m to k n ow wh a t t hey wan t . H ow c o u l d t h ey, when t h ey c a n not m ake compari sons o r i m ag i n e poss i b l e sat i sfact i o n s ? T h i s b l i nd wa n t i ng, w i t h o u t p u rpose o r object, see m s a stra n ge k i nd o f frustra t i o n to o u r ad u l t m i n d s . H ow u n sett l i n g, t h i s u n spoken l o n g i n g t h at see m s to a r i se from nowhere i n a consc i o u s n ess j u st awake n i n g to t h e t i m i n g of h u m a n a ffa i rs .

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Such l o n g i n g s seem c l o se l y i n te rtw i n ed w i t h the fears t h at haunt our ch i ld h oo d . Separa t i o n fro m our pare n ts i s d i st res s i n g; we seem to crave approva l , a t t e n t i o n , a n d secu rity; we reco i l fro m st ra nge people a n d objects, a n d req u i re freq u e n t reassura nces. Are we con sc i o u s i n t h ese earl i est years of o u r h e l p l ess depend e ncy? H ow can we fee l secu re when we have so l i t t l e cho ice i n w h at h a pp e n s to u s ? Whether o u r pare n t s offer u s l ove, rese n t m e n t , o r a n ger, w e can o n ly c l i n g to w h a t we k n ow; we can n ot conceive of w h at m i g h t be better for o u r l i ves. W h e n we cry, we m ay be given t h i n g s that we e n joy h o l d i n g, l oo k i n g at, a n d tast i ng. Objects seem to re l i eve t h e d i sco m fort of n eed, a n d we beg i n to as sociate t h e m w i t h sat i sfact i o n or happi ness. We learn to say yes a n d n o , a n d t ry to assert our d e s i res, but often we f i n d t h a t our wishes a re i g n o red and o u r cho ices a re l i m i ted. E ach day we a l ternate m a n y t i m e s between hap p i n ess a n d frustra t i o n , sec u rity a n d a n x i ety. A sense of n eed pers i s ts : D u r i n g t h e day we can fi n d comfort in the m i d st of peo p l e and perh a ps fri end ly pets; but what n a m el ess fears arise in the n i ght, fi l l i n g o u r d rea m s w i t h stra n ge, terrify i n g beast s ? Why do th ese fee l i n gs r i se up w h e n we are a l o n e i n the d a r k , when d a r k n ess was our earl i est h o m e ?

(c2 oon we l earn how to p l ease others. We learn t h e i r

C0 g u i d e l i n e s for behav i o r, l a n gu age, and va l u es, a s wel l a s m o re e ffect ive m e a n s of w i n n i ng a pprova l . D u r i n g these early years, we d eve l o p patterns of re l a t i n g to the world t h at m ay su sta i n us f o r a l i fet i m e. W e are

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c u ri o u s; we rea c h o u t a n d g ra s p ; we wa n t to sati sfy des i res i n s t a n t ly. What s t rateg i e s d o we devise to get what we wa n t when wa n t i n g grows i n te n se ? Even t u a l ly w e d i sc over that p a re n t s c a n fee l g u i l ty, a n d we learn to p l ay o n t h e i r fee l i ng s : n o t so d i ffi c u l t to get wh at we wan t , when we k n ow h ow. Sti l l , we are often l eft fee l i n g d i ssati sfi ed o r d i sa p p o i n te d . Do we rea l l y k n ow what we wa n t ? We become m o re sk i l l f u l at m a n i p u l a t i n g t h o se a ro u n d u s , b u t t h ere a re l i m i ts to what we c a n do before ad u l t d i s p l easu re stops us. If o u r p a rents a re a ngered , we fear t h e vo i d s u d d e n l y o p e n ed between u s. I f they s u ffer in s i l e n t exasperat i o n , we sen se t h e rej ec t i o n a n d bec o m e a n x i o u s . W h at i f t h ey d o n ot seem to care what we d o ? We m u st m a ke t h e m t a ke notice a n d respo n d , rega rd l ess o f the c o n se q u e n ces. Wherever we t u r n , i t see m s we even t u a l ly face confl ict. Extern a l ly , restra i n t s a re i m posed ; i n tern a l ly, n eeds m u l t i p l y faster than our bod i e s c a n cope with t h e m , a n d we bec o m e fru strated w i t h our own ex h a u s t i o n . So m u ch h ap p e n s so q u i c k ly; o u r m i n d s a re fl ooded with sensory s t i m u l a t i o n s a n d e m o t i o n a l re act i o n s , wh i l e th ere is l i t t l e we can rea l l y u n d e rs t a n d . Even as c h i l d re n , w e h ave a m e a n s of e s c a p e : W e can co n j u re u p a f a n tasy wo rld a n d l i ve i n o u r own secret rea l m . H ere we h ave power a n d contro l ; h e re there are n o co n fl icts we ca n n ot overc o m e , n o d iffi c u l t ies too f r i g h te n i n g to u n d e rsta n d . Ad u I t s m ay i n trude, b u t we c a n h i de beh i n d t h e p l ay s i t u a t i o n s we have created a n d l o c k o u t fea r a n d pa i n . W h y wou ld we wi l l i n g l y l eave t h i s rea l m where eve ryt h i ng i s or derly, wa r m , a n d sec u re , for the ' re a l ' wo r l d , so c h a otic and u ncontro l l a b l e ?


96

'\\ 1:\17 h e n w e beg i n sch o o l , o u r wo r l d grows sud \!Iv denly wider. A l l at o nce we are m ore 'grown u p' , t h o u g h we h ave n o cho ice but to take what com e s . Perhaps o u r t h o u g h t s ru n s o m et h i n g l i ke t h i s: " I l i ke scho o l . I l i ke m y n ew fri ends, b u t some of t h e o n e s I l i ke won ' t p l a y with m e . T h ey l a ugh at m e . I ' l l show t h e m . My teacher wa n t s m e to be s m a rter l i ke h i m- o r d o everyt h i n g r i g h t- l i k e her. Why do I h ave to d o w h at t h ey say ? " .

.

We beg i n to n o t ice o t h e rs i n n ew ways-we feel we a re ' s peci a l ' , but p reci sely h ow a re we speci a l ? We co m pa re ou rse lves w i t h o t h ers, n o t ici n g d i ffer ences i n appeara nce, s i ze, clothes, possess i o n s, and s k i l l s . H ow d o we ' m ea s u re up'? Do our d i ffere nces m a ke u s ' better' o r 'wo rse' t h a n t h e others: Do we ta l k d i ffere n tly, o r say t h i ngs t h a t m a ke o t h ers laugh a t us? Do our habits att ract a tte n t i o n ? H ow do ot hers feel about u s ? W h o i s m o re i m portant to p l ease: our teach ers or o u r c l a ss m a te s ? Over t h e n ext few years, w h e t h e r we l i ke o u r s i t u a t i o n or n o t , whether we e n j oy o u r experi e nces or d read each day, we ad j u st, we soc i a l i ze, and we fit in as best we ca n . We h ave to. Soon we fi n d o u rselves ch a n g i n g in ways t h at aro u se n ew feel i n gs a n d t h o u g h t s a b o u t o u rse lves and oth ers. S o m e h ow we see m to beco m e m o re sel f co n sc i o u s , m o re se n s i t ive to cri t ic i s m a n d r i d icu le. Everyt h i n g seems d i ff e ren t , a n d we d o n't rea l l y k n ow why. T h e a t m o s p h e re i s m o re co m pet i t ive-we feel the n eed to excel in s o m eth i n g, to ca rve o u t a p l ace of o u r own . We m ay fi nd o u rselves em p h a s i z i n g act i v i t i e s i n wh ich w e exce l w h i l e downgrad i ng t hose that t h reaten o u r sel f-co n fide nce.

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When we do we l l , we feel exh i l a rated, a l t h o u g h we m ay worry a bo u t wh eth e r w e wi l l be a b l e to c o m e t hro ugh w h e n t h e press u re i nc reases. We fee l t h e pangs of n o t bei n g wa n ted when w e are a m o n g t h e last t o b e c h osen for a t e a m ; w e m ay feel a s h a m ed or bewi l d ered wh en we lose i n a c o n test of i n te l l ec t u a l s k i l l s. Fee l i ngs of fa i l u re c a n be d evastat i n g, a n d we withdraw m o re q u i c k l y fro m s i t u a t i o n s wh e re we h ave felt h u rt before. B u t n ow we k n ow we h ave to h i d e o u r fee l i ngs; i f o t h ers s e n se w e are v u l n erab l e, t h ey m i g h t h u rt u s m o re. When o t h e rs a re h u rt or l e f t o u t , we may t u rn away i n e m b a rra s s m e n t a n d fear, o r j o i n t h e gro u p i n r i d i c u l i n g t h e ir pa i n . N ow we a re m ore aware t h a t we a re g rowi n g u p . W e take o u rse lves m ore seri o u s l y, i m a g i n i n g h o w we wo u l d l i ke to be. We a re m ore se n s i t i ve to how t h i n gs ' s ho u l d be'; we wa nt to b e l o n g , a n d to d o t h i n gs r i g h t . W e beg i n to n o t i ce i n con s i st e n c i es i n o u r parents-do they measure up to our i d e a l s ? Soon we fee l con fl ic t i n g loya l t ies between pare n t s w i t h w h o m w e i d e n t i fy a n d t h e ro le mod e l s w e ad m i re . A g row i n g fee l i n g of d i scomfo rt m ay s u d d e n l y c rys t a l l i ze i n to the rea l i za tion t h at w e h ave no cert a i n sense of w h o w e are.

I[Y u ri n g

t h e c o n f u s i o n of o u r a d o l escent years, l.W we feel m o re ven t u reso m e a n d i n d epen d e n t of adu lts, but m u ch m o re vu l n era b l e to t h e o p i n i o n s of our fri e n d s . Everyo n e see m s to be loo k i n g at us. W h a t a re they see i n g ? What s h o u l d w e l o o k l i ke, a c t l i ke ? S o we copy: t h i s perso n 's way of spea k i n g , t h a t per son's m a n n er i s m s , t h e righ t t h i n gs to say, the r i g h t t h i ngs to do. We copy t h e c h a racte r i s t i c s of f r i e n d s

98


we ad m i re, peop le who h ave ac h i eved fa m e and suc cess, wea l t h , or power, characters in n ovels, m ovies, or t e l evi s i o n . Experi m e n t i n g w i t h a p pearances, ways of spea k i n g and d ressi ng, we t ry o n d i ff erent perso n a l i t i e s . We wan t desperately to express o u rs elves, t o be at o n ce u n i q u e and yet t h e s a m e as o u r fri ends. O u r f r i e n d s beco m e our m i r ro rs : By observ i n g their reac t i o n s to u s , we t ry to fi g u re o u t h ow to look, how to act, h ow to be. We d i scove r t h at d ress i n g and act i ng i n cert a i n ways m a k e u s accepted as a pe rso n . O u r relat i o n s h i p t o t h e grou p-whet h e r we fee l pa rt of i t o r a l i e n ated fro m i t- g ives u s a sen se of i d e n t i ty. O u r d eve l o p i n g t a l e n t s a n d capab i l i t ies g i ve u s n ew fee l i n gs of c o n fi d ence. B u t i n stead of d i sappearing, the sou rces of our i n sec u ri ty h ave o n l y g rown more c o m p lex. Our t i m e i s beco m i ng m o re s tructured, and we h ave less t i m e to o u rselves. Pressu res and demands of pare n t s, teac h e rs, and fri e n d s a re o ften c o n fl icti ng; i t i s h ard t o sati sfy t h e req u i re m e n t s t h a t c o m e a t u s fro m a l l s i d es- sch o o l , soc i al l i fe, s po rts, n ew desi res, n ew sta n d a rd s of behav i o r, a n d p l a n s fo r t h e fut u re. I n n er c o n fl icts a re g row i n g m o re i n t e n se, a ro u s i n g st rong e m o t i o n a l reac t i o n s; we a re to rn between pressu res to act a n d m a ke m o re g rown - u p dec i s i o n s t h at force o u r atte n t i o n o u tward and fee l i n gs of i n ad eq u acy t h at m ake us wa n t to w i t h d raw. We spend a l ot of t i m e wo rryi ng abo u t o u rse lves: "Why do I fee l so awkwa rd ? No one e l se see m s to feel t h i s way; eve ryo n e e l se seems so c o n fi dent. What i f t h ey see h ow l o n e ly a n d u n s u re of myse l f I feel ? They seem to do everyt h i ng righ t-why can't I be m o re l i ke t h e m ? Why d o I h ave t o be m e ? But who a m I ? "

Time to Cha nge

99

We start to t h i n k about g rowi n g u p a n d assu m i n g ad u l t respo n s i b i l i t i es, vac i l l a t i n g between a d e s i re to be i ndependent a n d a des i re to be taken care of. O u r a t t i tudes toward o u r pare n t s c h an g e d ra m at i c a l ly, a n d we beg i n b rea k i n g away from t h e i r c o n t ro l : "Why won't you let m e run my own l i fe ? " "As long a s you l i ve in this h o u se, yo u h ave to fo l low our ru l e s . " I n t h i s process o f rebe l l i o n , we m a y d eve l o p nega t i ve fee l i n gs toward o u r pare n t s t h a t c a n t a k e years to reso lve. N ew energy flows t h ro u g h o u r bod i es erra t i c a l l y we experience b u rsts of exc i te m e n t a n d n ew p h y s i c a l des i res. We c h a nge p h ys i c a l ly, a n d w e a re d i stu rbed if o u r deve l o p m e n t d i ffers fro m what see m s m o st desi rab l e ; o u r e m o t i o n s f l a s h u n pred i c t a b l y from elation to depres s i o n , wh i l e n ew d e s i res, h opes, and i n terests occ u py o u r m i n d s . Fee l i n g s o f p a n i c over wh e l m us w i t h o u t warn i n g- we are c h a n g i n g wh ether we wan t to o r n ot, a n d we a re n o t s u re what we are beco m i ng. Fantasies a n d i n ternal d i a lo g u e s fi l l our m i nds, re i n forc i ng or cri t i c i z i ng t h i s o r t h at i m age of o u rselves as we search for some sta b l e i d e n t ity. We wan t to fi n d o u rselves, as i f we were s o m ehow l ost, as i f t h e re were some th read i n th i s ta n g l e of eve n ts a n d e m o t i o n s t h at wou l d lead to o u r rea l selves. W h o c a n s h ow u s where to look? We wa n t g u i d a nce, b u t we a re afraid to open ou rselves to others wh i l e we fee l so v u l n e r a b l e and u ncerta i n . S l owly, p a i n fu l ly, we p i ec e toget h er the perso n a l i t i es that wi l l shape our ad u l t l i ves. Grad u a l l y we bec o m e m o re a s s u red in our soc i a l re l at i o n s h i ps. W e ident i fy wi th g ro u ps of o u r peers; we find a part i c u l a r t a l e n t or sk i l l that see m s to ex-

1 00


press o u r u n i q u e n ess. I f we a re l u cky, the s k i l l s we h ave c hosen t o deve l o p may lead u s forward toward a j o b or career. B u t w h a t if n o n e of t h e ava i l ab l e c h o ices see m s t o f i t w i t h who w e feel w e are ? I f w e h ave a stro n g sense of d i rect i o n , u pon what i s i t b ased ? H ave we b e e n t a u g h t to t h i n k i n dependently a bo u t goa l s and p u rposes that a re healthy fo r our own l i ves ? H ow we l l do we u nd e rstand what is i nvolved i n a j o b o r profess i o n ? Perh a p s we a re i n fl u e nced by t h e va l u es of fri e n d s o r t h e ex pecta t i o n s of parents; perh a ps we feel l o st. What is t h e m ea n i n g of our c h o i ces? We may i m agi n e we can change o u r m i n ds l ater; yet i n ev i t a b l y we are o pe n i n g u p so m e opportu n i t i e s and c l o s i n g o ff others. "I k n ow what I ' m d o i n g . I ' m i n dependent now. I ' m an ad u l t, a re n ' t I ? " W e may k n ow what we d o n o t wa n t : I f the l i ves of o u r parents or o t h e r ad u l ts seem co n fi n i n g, we may be determ i n ed t h a t o u rs w i l l be d i ffere n t. B u t wh e re c a n we l o o k for better exa m p l es, a n d h ow can we k n ow wh i c h m o d e l s offer a h e a l t h i e r way o f l i fe ? We fi n d o u rselves c a u g h t i n u nc erta i n ty a n d i nd ec i s i o n , perh a ps t o r n betwee n o b l i ga t i o n s t o pare n ts, eco n o m i c rea l i t i es, a n d o u r perso n a l w i s h es. Anxieties c o m pete with powe rf u l f a n t a s i es, hopes, a n d i m ages of s u ccess. U n a b l e to dec i d e for o u rse lves, we may try to fu l fi l l o u r pare n ts' expect a t i o n s . O r perhaps we settle i n to c o m forta b l e patt erns t h a t req u i re few c h a n ges. We m ay take whatever o p portu n i t i es a r i se a n d h o l d a series of jobs, pro l o n g i n g a sense of freed om and i n dependence by avo i d i n g work that demands a c o m m i t m e n t . O r we m ay n ever h ave t h e i l l u s i o n of c h o i c e a n d h ave to fi n d what work we c a n .

Tim e to Cha nge

1 01

N ow that we h ave bec o m e a d u l ts, s i g n i fi c a n t rom a n t i c re l a t i o n s h i p s a r e o f t e n expected a n d a n t i c i pated by o u r fa m i l i es. I f we a re i n l ove, m a r r i age a n d fam i l y m ay s e e m a l o g i c a l s t e p or a ref u g e f r o m t h e m a n y i n sec u ri t i e s w e face . T h o u g h w e m ay f e e l o u r l i ves are o pe n i n g before u s as we step i n t o ' t h e real wo rld', our o p t i o n s beg i n to d i m i n i s h ; o u r l ives become i n tertwi n ed with the l i ves o f o t h e rs, a n d respo n s i b i l i t i es acc u m u l at e . Whet h e r w e h o l d bac k , rel u c t a n t to g i ve u p dependency o n pare n t s o r c h i l d hood f r i e n d s , o r set out with d e fi n i t e goa l s and p u rposes, we m u st m a k e o u r own way. W h e t h e r we fee l t h e exc i t e m e n t of c h a l lenge o r t h e pangs o f sel f-d o u b t and a n x i ety, t h i s i s o u r t i m e t o l i ve o u r own l i ves.

12

Years o f O u r P r i m e

If we stop for

a

moment, step out of our roles,

and reexamine our purposes and achievements, what have we really accomplished?

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s t i m u l a t i n g o u r early ad u l t years c a n be, w h e n we fee l we a re exerc i s i ng o u r m i n ds and bod ies to t h e fu l l est! Sti l l , we a re faced with so me hard c h o i ces. O n c e we a re o n o u r own , we m ay feel a wel c o m e s e n se of i n d e p e n d e n ce , b u t we m ay a l so fi nd that it i s not a lways easy to get what we wa nt. Estab l i sh i n g a l i vi n g s i t u a t i o n m ay be m o re c o m p l i cated a n d expe n s ive t h a n w e h ad t h o u g h t . I f we t a ke o u r pare n ts' l i festy l e for g ra n ted, we may fi n d we n eed far m o re m o n ey t h a n we are a b l e to earn. T h e salary t h a t seemed i m p ress ive at t h e o u t set s u d d e n l y see m s m uc h too s m a l l ; perhaps w e fi n d o u rselves c o m m i t ted to debts t h at l i m i t o u r a b i l ity to do t h e th i n g s we wa n t . "What a m I d o i n g ? I s it a l ways g o i n g to b e t h i s way? Do I wa n t m o re respo n s i b i l i t y? Do I n eed d i fferent s k i l l s or m o re e d u c a t i o n to get what I wa n t o u t of l i fe? D o I wa nt to spend years of m y l i fe strugg l i n g to m a ke

Tim e to Cha nge

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ends meet i n o rd e r to h ave w h a t I wa n t ? W h e re w i l l I get t h e m o n ey ? " Th i ngs t h at i n terest u s o ften show l i t t l e p ro m i s e for futu re em p l oy m e n t ; we m ay h ave to c o m p ro m i se o u r i n teres ts wi t h a n eye t o t h e j o b m arket a n d o u r f i n a n c i a l s i t u a t i o n . I f w e h ave t h e c h a n c e t o p u rs u e the s u bjects t h a t exc i t e us, we may d i scover t h at we m u st devote l o n g years t o preparat i o n befo re we c a n hope to master t h e m . W e a re faced w i t h t h e n eed to we igh o u r desi res for m o re i m m ed i ate g rat i fi cat i o n aga i n st t h e va l u e o f ac h i ev i n g l o n g - ra n ge goa l s . Even i f w e a re l i v i n g w h a t l oo k s l i ke a c a refree l i festyle, we are often keen ly aware of t i m e a n d of f i n a n c i a l p ressures. T h e f u t u re is m uc h on o u r m i n d s as we co m pete f o r j o b s o r reco m m en d a t i o n s t h a t wi l l open t h e d oo rs t o t h e j o b we w a n t , t o p rofessi o n a l t ra i n i n g, o r perh a ps g rad u a te schoo l . W e a re a l ready s i z i n g up o u r possi b i l i t i es, c o m pa r i n g o u rselves w i t h people a l ready esta b l i s hed i n o u r c h o sen f i e l d , c o n side ri ng h o w w e m i g h t c o m e to t h e a tte n t i o n of th ose who can h e l p u s s u cceed . We m ay feel we a re bei n g m an i p u l at ed b y t h e esta b l i s h ed sys t e m , a n d n eed t o m an i pu late o t h e rs i n t u r n . A s w e pu rs u e o u r i n d iv i d u a l goa l s , w e m ay fee l l o n e l y a n d res t l ess, eve n i f we h ave f r i e n d s . We u s u a l l y want o n e spec i a l pe rso n t o c o n fi d e i n , o r fa l l i n l ove w i t h , someo n e who can sa t i sfy o u r l o n g i n gs for comfo r t a n d cari n g . Pe rhaps we d o fi n d so m eo n e fo r whom o u r fee l i ngs a re deep a n d s i n cere. B u t m i s u n d er sta n d i ngs may occ u r, and feel i ng s o f l o n e l i n ess re t u rn . One pa rt n e r m ay decide to m a k e c h a n ges, l eav i n g t h e o t h e r fee l i n g h u rt a n d rej ected . We m ay d ri ft i n a n d

1 04


o u t of a series of r e l at i o n s h i p s t h at seem to fi l l a n eed, but wh i c h a l so h a u n t us as a poten t i a l so urce o f e m o ti o n a l d i s t ress. H ow l o n g d o we go on, n ot tak i n g the time to reflect o n t h e c a u ses o f o u r u n h a pp i n ess? Aga i n and aga i n , we b l a m e o t h e rs for o u r p ro b l e m s , without l oo k i n g at t h e fears of h e l p l essness a n d i s o l a t i o n , a t t h e cyc l es o f n ee d , d e s i re, a n d fru s t rat i o n that propel us to beg i n a n d end re l a t i o n s h i ps with lovers and fri e n d s . We k n ow th e i r l ove m ay not l ast, we k n ow o u r own fee l i n g s may ch ange, b u t we i n s i st o n t ry i n g to fit o u r l i ves to o u r f a n t a s i e s . I n o u r d aydrea m s , w e look to t h e f u t u re, when everyt h i n g wi l l be better. O u r a p p ren t i cesh i p to l i fe wi l l be over, a n d o u r rea l l i fe wi l l beg i n : " I ' l l h ave e n o u g h i nc o m e to be i n d ependent a n d to do what I rea l l y wa n t to d o w i t h my f ree t i m e . I ' l l go p l aces and d o t h i ngs with someone who rea l ly u nd ersta n d s me." B u t in t h e m ea n t i m e t h e pressu res to perform i n crease, a n d we wo n d e r : " I s th i s rea l l y what I wa nt to do with my l i fe ? D i d I m a k e the wro n g c h o i c e ? A m I m i ss i ng o u t o n someth i n g better? Maybe I s h o u l d c o n s i d er o t h e r poss i b i l i t i es . " I f we fee l u n s u re of what w e wa n t , we m ay find o u rsel ves float i n g a l ong, occ u py i n g our t i m e with fantasies o r e n t e rt a i n m e n t s , s o m e h ow u n a b l e to con n ect o ur dream s to rea l i ty. Our plans are sh ort-term, or e l se so vague we do n o t k n ow h ow to i m pl ement them. B ored o m see m s to be o u r worst enem y, or per h a p s l o n e l i n ess. We fee l l o s t and bew i l d e red; why c a n 't we ' get i t toget her'? We may d e l i berately avo id making comm itments to j o b s a n d pro fess i o n s , or resist form i n g c l o se re l a t i o n -

Tim e to Change

1 05

s h i ps. We m ay p r i d e o u rsel ves o n o u r i n d e pendence, a n d fee l we c a n e n j oy t h e rewa rd s o ffered by society without the respo n s i b i l i t i es t h a t th rea ten o u r freed o m . A re we h o l d i n g back fro m fears of fai l u re o r i n ade q uacy, or fro m a fear that o t h ers m i g h t ga i n power over us? "That's rid i c u l o u s- I ' m d o i n g what I wa n t to. I j u s t refu se to get c a u g h t u p. N o t h i ng i s worth sacri fi c i n g my freed o m . " W e m a y stand back from soci ety a n d c ri t i c i ze i t s nega t ive s i d e w i t h o u t be i n g wi l l i n g t o contr i b u t e a n y pos i t i ve e n e rgy t o c h a n ge t h e s i t u a ti o n . "After a l l , n ot h i n g can be c h a n ged- t h i n g s h ave a l ways been t h i s way. W h y s h o u l d I waste m y t i m e ? "

C\ l\ ost of u s accept t h e ro l e s soc iety offers u s llvU soc i a l pressu res a n d fi n a n c i a l needs catch u p with u s, a n d we sett l e d ow n . W e wish t o s u cceed , a n d beg i n to a p p l y o u rselves t o o u r work w i t h vigor. Reward s m ay come- recog n i t i o n , advancement, ra i ses, prest i ge- co n fi rm i n g o u r success. O u r confide nce grows, a n d we feel more secu re, able to c o n t ro l o u r l i ves a n d h ave what we wa n t . We l ea r n h ow t o m a k e people l i ke u s a n d h ow to w i n t h e i r s u p po rt. I f we begi n to stagnate i n o n e job, we c a n fi n d a n ot h er. Soon we m ay d ec i d e to ra i s e a fa m i l y . We may n ever t h i n k abou t why we're d o i n g i t- everyone expects i t . Perhaps we a n t i c i pa t e a sense o f fu l fi l l m e n t i n see i ng o u r c h i l d re n grow, a n d i n h e l p i n g t h e m s h ape thei r f u t u re. Of cou rse, we k n ew c h i l d ren wo u l d compl icate o u r l i ves, b u t we d i d n o t a n t i c i pa te t h e worri es t h at n ever e n d : Are t h ey safe, a re t h ey h a p py, are they in good co m pa n y ? What i n terests a re t h ey developi ng, wh a t v a l ues, wh a t a t t i t u d e s ? Wi l l t h ey s ucceed i n sch ool, wi l l t h ey fi n d j o b s ? A re we adeq u ate as paren t s ? W h a t m i stakes are we m a k i n g ? If t h ey a re

1 06


d i sa b l e d , grow seri o u s l y i l l , or d i e , t h e a n g u i s h may be a l most m o re t h a n we can bear. As we adva n c e in l i fe, material needs expand rap i d l y . We buy ca rs, we p u rch ase h o mes and fi l l them w i t h f u rn i sh i n gs. We o pe n b u s i n esses a n d buy eq u i p ment. I d e n t i fy i n g with o u r possess i o n s, we wor ry that we m i g h t l ose t h e m ; o u r fee l i n g s of i n secu rity wi l l not go away. We con t i n ue to add to o u r possess i o n s : There i s a l ways so m et h i n g j u st beyo nd o u r reach t h a t we c a n h ave. Loo k i n g a ro u n d at a l l we own , we can tel l Ou rse l ves t h at we a re gett i n g somewhere at last: "Of co u rse I worry s o m et i m es- d oes n 't everyo n e ? Of c o u rse I have d i sa p po i n t m en t s-what's l i fe w i t h o u t a l i t t l e t ro u b l e ? " W h i l e we a re yo u n g a n d gett i n g wh at we desire, j oy a n d so rrow, e l at i o n a n d de press i o n , l ove a n d anger color o u r l ives with ri c h , c o m pe l l i n g e m o t i o n a l tones. Physical d i sco m fo rt s come and go, and can be a l l e viated eas i l y. E m o t i o n a l stress c a n be d i m i n i s h ed t h ro u g h tranq u i l i zers o r a l c o h o l , and t h e haze and c l o u d i ness t h ey bri n g to our l i ves may seem a sma l l price t o pay for re l i ef; a t l east we can keep go i n g : " I t c a n 't h u rt - everyo n e does i t . "

1;0 s t h e years go by, we weave a n eve r m o re i nt r i ru cate web o f relat i o n s between ou rselves and others, b i n d i n g o u rselves with o b l igat i o n s a n d re spo n si b i l it i es, i nvo l v i n g o u rselves i n others' e m o t i o n s, p ro b l e m s, a n d n eeds. We s t rive to l i ve u p to o u r ro les: worker, b u s i n ess p a rt n er, p ro fess i o n a l , l over, m ate, or pare n t . Perhaps we p r i d e ou rselves o n our ab i l i ty to p l ay m a n y ro l e s s i m u l ta n eo u s l y, a n d beco m e adept

Tim e to Change

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a t s h i ft i n g a m o n g d i ffere n t l a n g u age patterns, atti tudes, a n d gestu res. When ac t i o n s a n d eve n t s u n fo l d as we expec t, we feel c o n fi d e n t a n d i n c o n t ro l ; w h e n we feel o u r c o n t ro l s l i pp i n g , or c h a l l en ge s c o m e from t h o se c l ose t o u s, we tense with a n x i ety. A l t h o u g h we m a y beco m e sk i l l ed a t putt i n g o n a good fro n t even t o o u rse lves, at hea rt we sense o u r c o n fi d e n c e is n o t gen u i n e. We shri n k refl exively fro m s i t u a t i o n s a n d even t h o u g h ts t h at t h reaten to revea l wea k n esses we s u spect b u t can not a c k n owledge. N o m atter h ow c o m pe t e n t and co n fi d e n t we fee l d u r i ng the b u sy part s of t h e day, wh e n we are a l o ne, with noth i n g to sti m u late o u r sen ses, we often fee l u neasy. O u r m i nd s leap fro m t h o u g h t to t h o u gh t l i ke a mon key fro m tree to tree. O u r bod i es g row rest l es s a n d u n co m fort a b l e . Aga i n a n d aga i n w e are i m pe l l ed to d o so meth i n g- l i sten to t h e rad i o , wat c h t e l evi s i o n , read, t a l k t o friends, g o so m ewh ere- to re l i eve a sense of bored om a n d d i ssati sfact i o n or esca pe t h e t h o u g h t s t h a t come w h e n w e are a l o n e. How l i t t l e i t ta kes to m a k e u s fee l p ressu red ! I f so met h i n g goes agai n s t u s a t wo rk, or o u r e m p loyers or fam i l i es make u n u s u a l d e m a n d s u po n u s, i m m e d i ately o u r nerves a re o n edge a n d o u r bod i es tense; stress gn aws at our sto m a c h s and m a kes o u r heads ac he. We may ca rry o n , i g n ori n g or ra t i o n a l i z i n g ten s i o n , or m a s k i n g i t s d i sc o m fort s w i t h med i c a t i o n , b u t i n t i m e the press u re ta kes i t s to l l . W e m a y fi nd o u r selves n eed i n g m ore s l eep, fee l i n g d u l l or i l l , l ess a b l e to ri se to c h a l l enges w e o nce we l c o m ed .

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We c a n wal k o u t of u n p l ea s a n t s i t u a t i o n s, we can c h a nge o u r j o bs, o u r m ates, o u r fa m i l i es, o u r s u rro u nd i n gs , b u t can we c h a n g e o u r m e n t a l e n v i ro n m e n t ? We may t ry to reso lve o u r c o n fl ict i n g t h o u g h t s , b u t t h e i n ner d i a l o g u e s c o n t i n u e ; w e ca n n o t escape t h e d r i v i n g i n s i stency o f o u r o w n t h o u g h t s . E v e n when we need to conc e n t rate, o u r i n t er n a l conve rsa t i o n s often g i ve u s n o peace. M ea n i n g less re p l ays of s i t u a t i o n s tha t h ave l e f t u s h u rt or a n g ry cyc l e over and over. Can we c hoose not to fee l h u rt, not t o be d e p ressed, not to feel l o n e l y or a n x i o u s ? A re we eve r free of o u rselves? If we ack nowledge o u r a n x i e t i es and fea rs and wish to rec o n s i d e r o u r s i t u at i o n , we may e n co u n te r the i n sec u ri t i e s o f o u r m a tes, o u r c h i l d re n , o u r paren ts; i f we co n fi d e in our fri e n d s a n d fe l l ow wo rkers, we r i s k ri d i c u l e, l os s of su p p o rt and frien d sh i p, even t h e sec u ri ty of o u r j obs. We can co m pl a i n- everyone c o m p l a i n s , so we can feel c o m fo r ta b l e wi t h t h o se who s h a re o u r g ru m b l i n gs. We m ay exp ress o u r wo rries t h ro u g h h u m o r o r s a rca s m , b u t it i s d i ffi c u l t to open o u r hearts c o m p letely for fear of a ppeari n g weak. Perhaps we c a n n o t fi nd wo rd s to express what we fee l , o r perh a ps we have t ri ed t o co m m u n icate a n d found o u rsel ves m i s u n derstood o r our c o n fidences betrayed . What h a p pe n s when someo n e s u ggests we have a pro b l e m ? T h a t t o u c h es o t h e r fee l i n gs, and we d i sse m b l e : " I d o n ' t h ave p ro b l e m s, rea l ly; i t 's n o t so bad as a l l t h a t . Act u a l l y I 'm pre t t y we l l o ff . " Anyone wo u l d feel t h e same in our s i t u a t i o n . I f we fee l t h e n eed fo r adv ice, w e may fi nd i t less th reate n i n g to tal k wi t h someone m o re re mote fro m o u r d a i l y l ives, to fi n d a gro u p o r i nd i v i d u a l to s u pport o r adv i se us. B u t h ow do we u n ravel the web of

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a n x i e t i es t h a t o p p resses us; h ow d o we co m m u n icate t h e l o n g i n g s and needs we fee l ? A l t h o u g h we m ay g a i n i n si g h t i n to o u r pro b l e m s a n d be reas s u red t h a t we a re not a l o n e , o u r a n x i e t i e s a re l i ke u nwel c o m e acq u a i n tances w e c a n n o t bri n g o u rse l ves to c o n fro n t d i rectly- t h ey a lways c o m e b a c k . M o st o f u s m a n age to keep o u r a n x i et i es u n der so m e sort of c o n t ro l , but i f we let t h e m h ave t h e i r way , t h ey m a y move in with us, leav i n g u s n o peace at a l l . I f t h i s does h a p p e n , we m ay l o se a l l i n t e rest i n o u r u s u a l act i v i t i es a n d a p p roach o u r wo rk w i t h re l u c tance o r even d read . J u st as o u r ca reers a re reac h i n g th e i r peak, we m ay fee l l eth argic a n d u n respo n s i ve, u n a b l e to m atch the c o m pet i t i o n , ' b u rn ed o u t' in o u r pri me. I f we t u r n to l ess stressfu l wo rk, we m a y face the d i ffere n t pressure o f bo redo m a n d fee l i ng s o f i n adeq uacy. T h ese are t h e years we a n t i c i pated wi th so m uc h rel i sh i n o u r you t h . H ow exc i t i n g a n d p l e a s u ra b l e t h ey can be when o u r v i ta l i ty rem a i n s h i g h , a n d o u r s e n se of va l u e a n d worth i s c o n fi r m ed by o u r fa m i l i es, o u r acco m p l i s h m e n ts, o r t h e g rowt h o f s k i l i s a n d exper t i se. We feel b u sy and contented- t h e re a re sti l l so many t h i ngs to e nj oy, and so m u ch m o re we can a n t i c i pate d o i n g i n t h e f u t u re. We m ay h ave o u r u ps a n d downs, b u t o u r l ives seem bas i c a l l y u n d e r co n trol a n d satisfyi ng.

'\\ I:\!7 e m ay t r u l y be e n j o y i n g t h e m o m e n t u m o f o u r \J\J l ives. B u t i f, in the m i d s t of o u r e n j o y m e n t a n d

s u ccess, w e stop to eva l u at e t h e m ea n i n g a n d pu rpose of our ac t ivi ty, d o we fi n d we wo u l d ra t h e r n o t exa m i n e o u r l ives t o o c l o se l y ? H ow d o w e feel about

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t h e c h o i ces we h ave made- i n re l a t i o n s h i p s, profes s i o n s, l i festy l e s ? Wo u l d we d o some th i n gs d i fferen t l y i f w e h a d a n o t h e r c h a nc e ? I f o u r stereotyped ro l e s d ro pped away, w h a t wo u l d be l e f t ? W h a t a re we a p a rt from a l l t h i s ? A re o u r l ives an express i o n o f o u r c rea t i v i t y ? Are o u r re l a t i o n s h i ps wi t h o t h e rs perso n a l l y sat i s fy i n g ? A re we spe n d i n g m o st of o u r t i m e fu l fi l l i n g o b l i ga t i o n s a n d expecta t i o n s , o r a re we wo r k i n g co n s c i o u s ly toward su bsta n t i a l goa l s ? N e a r l y h a l f o f o u r l i fe h a s n o w passed; a re we b u i l d i n g a basis for real va l u e ? W h e n we l o o k bac k u po n t h i s period twen ty years fro m now, h ow wi l l we re m e m be r i t ? W i l l we feel we u sed o u r t i m e to i t s best adva n tage? If we s t o p for a m o m e n t , step o u t of o u r ro l es, a n d reexa m i n e o u r p u rpo ses a n d ac h i evements, what h ave we rea l l y acco m p l i s hed ?

13

T h e W a n i n g o f O u r L i ve s

Where have w e learned what death is, or how to face it unafraid ?

O

n t i m e o u r e n e rg i e s beg i n to d ec l i n e . L i fe seems to pause and sh ift, l i ke a h i g h - pe rform a n ce car d ropp i n g i n to a l ower gear. We m ay se n se a l es se n i n g of desi res o r s u b t l e c h a n ge s i n o u r percept i o n a n d taste; perhaps we t i re a l i tt l e m o re easi l y a n d fi n d o u rse lves th i n k i n g m ore a b o u t o u r h ea l t h . Acc u s tomed t h i n g s m ay see m a l i t t l e fl atter a n d d u l l e r t h an before, o r we m ay n o t i c e t h e firs t s i g n s of p h y s i c a l wea k n ess o r sym pto m s of beg i n n i n g d i sa b i l i ty . Q u i t e s u d d e n l y w e m a y see i n our refl ect i o n s u n m i staka b l e s i g n s o f a g i n g a n d awa k e n w i t h a s h o c k to the rea l i za t i o n that o u r l i ves m a y we l l be m o re t h a n h a l f over. C h a n ges w e had o n l y p a r t i a l ly a c k nowl edged can no l o n ge r be i g n o red . Our c h i ldre n h ave grown a n d h ave t h e i r own va l u es a n d l i festy l es. We may h ave d r i fted apart from h u sba n d s, wives, or lovers : Are they bored with u s now t h a t we are o l d e r a n d less attract ive? H ave d i fferent i n terests separated u s ? We

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m ay feel t h reate n ed by t h e ag i n g or d i sa b i l i ty of pare n ts, co ncerned for t h e i r hea l t h a n d safety, or afra i d o f t h e respo n si b i l i ty for t h e i r c a re. D e a t h m a y have t o u c h ed us t h ro u g h fa m i l y, fri e n d s , or fe l low workers. Now we k n o w t i m e is pass i n g, a n d we fee l the i m p l i ca t i o n o f c h a n ge m o re s h a r p l y than ever before . We c a n n o l o n ge r avo i d a c k n ow l ed g i n g t h e i n ev i ta b i l i ty o f deat h ; we k n o w t h e re w i l l be no c h o i ce i n t h e e n d b u t t o g i ve u p a l l w e h ave worked t o ac h i eve. T h e s h o c k o f t h i s rea l i z a t i o n m ay sh ake o u r co n fi d e nce a n d force u s to reeva l u ate o u r l i ves. If we h ave ac h i eved what we set o u t to d o , we m ay fi n d t h at o u r fee l i n g s of sati sfact i o n are n o t so g reat as we h ad expected t h e m to be. I f we h ave not ach i eved o u r g o a l s , the ch a nces of d o i n g so are be co m i ng m o re remote. We may se n se a gap o pe n i n g i n o u r l ives t h a t w e a re u n prepared t o face . W h e n we were y o u n g e r a n d faced a l o n g c o rridor o f ti m e , postp o n ed d rea m s or activities co u l d become sou rces o f p l easa n t a n t i c i pati o n . If we m i ssed o n e o p p o rt u n i ty , we c o u l d expect a n other to a r i se. Now u n fu l fi l i ed w i sh e s are d i sa p po i n t m e n t s , sou rces of pai n . O u r s e n se of t i m e h a s c h a n ged , recast i n g o u r l i ves i n a tota l l y n ew perspect ive: O u r best t i m e i s over; o u r f u t u re w i l l a l ways be u n c e rta i n . We do n o t k n ow how m uc h t i m e i s l eft. H ave we rea l i zed the rewards we expected in o u r yo u t h ? W h at ret u r n s a re we gett i n g for t h e i nvest m e n t of decades of o u r l i ves i n e d u c a t i o n a n d h a rd w o r k ?

? he crises o f refl ect i o n a n d i ndec i s i o n are of U ten b u ried i n n ew ro u nd s of act ivity . Now that we feel t i m e's pressure, o u r e n e rgy m ay h ave a more

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d riven q u a l ity; we h ave to keep movi n g , t h i n k i n g, p l a n n i n g, d o i ng. Q u est i o n ed , we tend to be defe n s i ve. What about the secu rity of our j o b s ? " O f co u rse my pos i t i o n i s sec u re. I h ave m o re experie nce t h a n yo u nger peo p l e, a n d experi e n c e i s wo rt h m o re th a n m on ey c a n b uy." B u t are w e s u re ? We m ay h ave ach i eved a certa i n statu s a n d be vuy good at wh a t we do, b u t with yo u n ger, m o re e n erget i c peo p l e eager to take our p l ace, can we co n t i n u e to advan ce or even s u sta i n o u r posit i o n ? What about o u r m a rriage- i s it secu re? " O f c o u rse. We've been toget h e r too long to change now." Is t h e re somet h i n g m o re we want o u t o f l i fe? " T h at's a bs u rd . I ' m h a p py w i t h what I h ave, a n d I ' m pro u d o f what I 've ac h i eved . " And so we m ay n o t be i n c l i n ed to m a k e c h a n ges i n o u r l i ves. H av i n g a l ready i nvested so m uc h effo rt i n t h e ro l e s w e h ave esta b l i s h e d , w e m ay feel o b l iga ted to co nti n u e t h e m . We m ay n ot w i s h to take t h e risk o f d i sru pt i n g o u r l i ves or face t h e p a i n o f others who a re d e pe n d i n g u po n u s. Everyth i n g i s a l l ri ght- i t h a s to be. W h at oth er c h o i ce i s t h ere? At wo rst, there a re c o n so l a t i o n s : I f o u r j o b s a re n ot we l l - payi n g, a t l east we c a n m a n age; i f we c a n n ot ach i eve more, at least we h ave s e n i o r i ty a n d so m e m ea s u re of prestige; i f o u r wo rk i s n ot c h a l l e n g i n g, at l east we can perfo r m it easi l y a n d h ave m o re t i m e for o u rsel ves. B ut d i st u rb i n g th o u g hts keep co m i n g back . Ti m e i s ru n n i ng o u t- h ave w e acco m p l i shed o u r d rea m s ? I f we fee l d i ssati sfied o r i n secu re, what act i o n s c a n we ta ke? We c a n t ry to fi n d a n ew j o b , go i n to b u si n ess fo r o u rselves, or even c h a n ge p ro fess i o n s; we c a n seek rej uve n a t i o n t h ro u g h you nger l overs o r m ates, o r by adopt i n g a you n ger, freer l i fe style. We ca n res h a p e o u r

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i m age th ro u g h d i e t a n d exerci se, or t ry d ress i n g m o re you t h f u l ly. I f we w i s h , we c a n a tt e m p t to recover the exc i t e m e n t a n d vital i ty o f our adol escent years and go t h ro u g h t h e who l e cyc l e aga i n . B u t h ow l o n g can we m a i n t a i n t h e i l l u s i o n of yo u t h a n d vi ta l i ty when we k n ow o u r e n e rgy is n o t what i t was, a n d we g row ever m o re v u l n era b l e to t h e i n ev i t a b l e effects of t i m e? We may seek ren ewa l t h ro u g h o u r c h i l d re n , u rg i n g t h e m to i m p l e m e n t o u r va l u es i n t h e i r l ives, to ac h i eve what we co u l d not, wh i l e h o p i ng t h ey wi l l avo i d repeat i n g o u r m i stakes. O u r g rowi n g l o n e l i ness and se n se of u n fu l fi l l ed n eed s m ay l ead u s to i n vo lve o u rselves co m p u l s i ve l y i n t h e i r l i ves, a n d o u r sen se of wo rth may beco m e dependent u po n h ow we l l t h ey f u l fi l l o u r expec t a t i o n s. As we a pp roac h t h e e n d of o u r wo rk i n g l i ves, we may feel a n u n ex pected u psu rge of n ew a n x i et i es. What sense of p u rpose can we s u bstitute fo r o u r wo rk? Wi l l we be re m e m be red once we a re gone? H ave o u r co-workers a pprec i a ted o u r efforts? H a s o u r wo rk been wo rt hwh i l e ?

f(Y nce we are reti red a n d wo rk n o l o n ge r provides

\W d i rect i o n for o u r l i ves, we m ay fi nd n ew i n terests t h a t give us hope fo r t h e fu t u re. Freed fro m fa m i l y respo n s i b i l i t i es, we m ay h ave a n ew sense of ease, a fi n a l c h a nce to travel a n d d o t h i ngs we had postpo n ed fo r so l o n g . We c a n re l a x a n d e n j oy o u r friends m o re, now t h a t we k n ow b e t t e r t h a n to expect too m u ch from ou rsel ves o r from ot hers . "Th is i s the way l i fe i s . I t's n o t so b a d rea l l y . " We d o n ' t h ave to dwe l l on u n p l easa nt t h o u g h t s o r wo rry about what may h a ppe n .

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We can l a u g h at ou rselves m o re read i l y a n d j o ke about the idea l i s m and expecta t i o n s of o u r yo u t h . But b e h i nd the h u m o r l i es a cert a i n sadness and reg ret; if o n l y we cou ld be yo u n g aga i n , k n ow what we k n ow now, a n d have the same opportu n i ties as w e d i d t h e n . N ow o u r vita l i ty fa i l s u s m ore eas i l y; o u r sen ses are not icea b l y d u l l er. We m a y m i ss the fee l i n g of accom p l i sh m ent and i m portance we o n ce felt in o u r jobs, and be l ess i n c l i n ed to engage i n soc i a l act i v i t i es. Even o u r s i m p l i fi ed rou ti n e s may not b r i n g u s the p l ea s u res we had an t i c i pated. T h e t i m es when we fee l em pty a n d depl eted c o m e c l oser toget h e r, a n d t h e re are few peak eve n t s l eft to l o o k forwa rd to. We fee l longi ngs a n d d e s i res, but l a c k t h e o p portu n i ties a n d vita l i ty t o sati sfy t h e m . T h e sti m u l a tion t h a t s u st a i n ed u s h a s d i m i n i s h ed; the com pa n i o n s h i p of fel l ow workers is l o st; even o u r friends h ave l i t t l e e n e rgy for u s . O u r presence m ay b e d i sru ptive t o t h e l ives of o u r spou ses a n d c h i l d re n , a n d we m a y not h ave t h e d ri ve t o esta b l i s h n ew ways o f occ u py i n g o u r t i m e . Perh a p s a l ac k of i nc o m e m akes us feel i m pove r i s h ed , vu l n era b l e to i l l ness, u nwan ted by the soci ety that o u r l a bor h a s s u sta i ned. Thoughts of death a r i se m o re freq u e n t l y; wh eth er we dwe l l on them o r re p ress t h e m , t h ey rec u r, a ro u s i n g d i scom fort a n d fear. W e m a y m a k e prepara t i o n s by d raft i n g wi l l s and arra n g i n g fo r the d i spo s i t i o n of o u r bod i es; we m a y decide t h at s u i c i d e i s prefera b l e to l i nger i n g p a i n and d i sab i l i ty, and de rive com fo rt fro m t h e thought t h at we c a n a t l east control t h e c i rc u m stances o f o u r deat h s . B u t we tend to keep t h e rea l i ty of death at a d i stan ce, u n wi l l i n g to l et ou rselves co n sider too c l ose ly wh at d y i n g rea l ly i n vo l ves.

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By o u r seve n t i es o r e i g h t i es, we may h ave l i t t l e left to a n t i c i pate; a l t h o u g h we k n ow we m u st m a i n ta i n a sense o f pu rpose, i t bec o m es m o re d i ffi c u l t to de rive m ea n i n g from o u r d a i l y lives. T h e prospect o f death is too pa i n fu l - h ow can one look fo rwa rd to that? M a n y of our fri e n d s a re sick o r h ave d i ed; telephone c a l l s o r m a i l a re l i ke l y to bring u nwe l c o m e n ews . W h e n wi l l o u r l oved o nes g row i l l o r d i e ? Where wi l l we fi n d t h e strength to watch t h e i r s u fferi n g ? Wi l l we b e l eft a l o n e ? W h a t pa i n s wi l l we h ave to end u re, what h u m i l i at i o n s of old age? W i l l we become c r i p p led a n d h e l p l ess, re t u r n i n g, l i ke c h i l d re n , to a state of i n c reas i n g d e pendency? W i l l we spend o u r l ast years in a n u rs i n g h o m e, cared for by strangers? Or wi l l we b e a b u rd e n t o o u r fam i l i e s ? W h o m i ght take ad van tage o f u s , h u rt u s, rob u s, when we a re so wea k a n d vu l n e ra b l e ? W e try s o h a rd to h o l d o n to o u r sel f-co n fid ence, our fee l i n gs o f worth and d i g n ity, our i n d epende nce b u t how l o n g c a n we m a i n t a i n t h e m ? Who wi l l reass u re u s wh en we a re terri fi ed a n d a l o n e ? W h o wi l l l i sten a n d c a re a b o u t what we feel now? Wh ere have we l ea r n ed wh a t d ea t h i s , o r h ow to face it u n afra i d ? Fearf u l o f d e at h , w e fight back s u c h t h o u ghts and c l i ng to l i fe even i f we m u s t l i ve in co n s t a n t physical pai n o r end u re great e m ot i o n a l su fferi n g . In our need we m ay grasp at t h e l i ves o f o u r c h i l d re n o r other loved o n e s or wi t h d raw i n to t h e b l e a k n e ss of i so l a t i o n . M e m o ri es recyc l e i n o u r m i n d s , a n d w e m a y fi nd o u rsel ves repeat i n g t h e s a m e stories to a n yone who wi l l l i st e n ; b u t t h e fl avo r of t h e experience is no l o nger the same. Eve n o u r m e m o ri es may o n l y be fantasies of h ow we wish i t had bee n .

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A s we s l i p i n to d e pe n d e n cy, o u r m i n d s beco m e d u l l and con f u sed, o u r sen ses too s l u gg i s h t o res pond to sti m u l at i o n . B u t our c o n sc i o u s n ess is a l ive; o u r des i res sti l l exi st, a l t h o u g h t h ey m u st g o u n sat i sfied . N ow t h at we c a n n o t keep u p o u r own d e fe n ses, we may see c l early the p rete n se a n d sel f-decept i o n i n others, and know that we, too, i n fo l l owi n g these s a m e patte rns, have c h eated o u rse lves of m u c h h a p p i ness. Someh ow it see m ed so i m portant to p l ay ro l e s and ga mes whe n we c o u ld n ot see them fo r what they were; yet i n retrospect, they seem e m pty a n d u n rea l . Later, b u ri ed i n h azy m e m o r i e s o f a d i m past, we no l o nger recogn ize even fri e n d s or fa m i l y. With the s i n k i n g of vital e n e rgy, we ret u rn to a n i n fanti l e state, perhaps sti l l c ryi n g o u t i n o u r n eed , h e l p l ess a n d u n awa re of o u r s u rro u n d i ngs. At l ast we l a pse i nto tota l fo rgetfu l ness, co m p l etely a n d fi n a l l y a l o n e .

�wffi[k®ITDaITDi£ �ITU@w�®cdJi£®

C H A PT E R 1 4 : ST RAT E G I E S FO R L I V I N G

L i festy l es a s strateg i es

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Easy-go i n g st rategy

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Lethargy a n d d u l l n ess

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Aggressive strategy

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Striv i n g, p res s u re, a n d frustrat i o n

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Restra i n t st rategy

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Sel f-co n t ro l a n d fear of e m o t i o n s

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Observer, m ed i ator, m a rtyr ro les

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C o m pl a i n t strategy

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E ffects of c u m u l at i ve n egativity

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Strategy of o p po s i t i o n

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Self-sacri fi ce a n d r i g i d ity

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Dayd rea m e r st rategy

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S u bstitute fo r rea l i t y

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D i s tract i o n a n d stag n a t i o n

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C H A PT E R 1 5 : Y E A R N I N G F O R F U L F I L LM E N T

Yearn i n g

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Avo i d i ng co m p l e t i o n

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Tra i n i ng i n l o n g i n g J oy of ant i c i pa t i o n

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D es i ri n g t h e u n a t t a i n a b l e

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Dec l i n e of h o pe Searc h i n g for sati sfact i o n

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S e l f - t rai n i ng for f u l fi l l me n t

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S k i l l i n l iv i n g : fac i n g pro b l e m s d i rect l y

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N o u r i sh i n g c o n sc i o u s n ess

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C H A P T E R 1 6 : P U R S U IT O F H A P P I N E S S

E l u s ive h a pp i n ess

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Wast i n g our l ives

1 44

Lac k of pu rpose

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D i scou rage m e n t : barrier to g rowth

1 45

Tale of the t rave l e r

1 45

Bou n d a r i e s of t h e known

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Searc h fo r deeper sati sfac t i o n

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Observi n g o u rselves Perseve r i n g w i t h q u es t i o n s

1 47 1 47

C H A PT E R 1 7 : G AT E WAY T O K N OW L E D G E

D eve l o p i n g i m pa rt i a l i ty

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Confro n t i n g fear

1 49

K n o w l edge of death

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Avo i d i ng t h o u g h ts of death

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Fear a n d k n ow i n g

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T i m e a n d k n ow l e d ge Fear as gateway to awake n i n g

1 50 1 51

14

S t rateg i e s fo r L i v i n g

What intimacy, what clos eness, what caring can we expect when we all conceal our real being?

I/}'I t every stage i n l i fe, we are vu l n e ra b l e to � u n hap p i n ess a n d p a i n . T i m e passes, b r i n g i n g changes w e can no t con t ro l , a n d w e o u rselves c h ange i n ways t h a t we c o u l d not h ave foreseen o r p refer n ot to ac know l edge. To i n s u l ate o u rse lves from c h a n ges that are t h rea ten i n g, most of us adopt a sty l e of l ivi ng, a st rategy that see m s to p ro m i se p rotect i o n , sati sfac t i o n , and m ea n i n g . T here a re m a n y s u c h strategi es, b u t t h e m a i n o n es c a n be seen i n cert a i n l i festyles: a n easy-go i n g l i festy l e , a n aggress ive st r i v i n g l i festy l e, a n d the l i festy les of restra i n t , com p l a i n t , a n d daydrea m i n g. We may co m b i n e d i ffere n t a p p roaches d u ri n g o u r l ives a s a t t i t udes a n d i n terests c h a n ge, o r even sw i tc h among t h e m , d e pe n d i n g u po n o u r associates a n d s u rro u n d i ngs. Many peo p l e w h o have g rown to m at u r i ty i n affl uen t soc i e t i e s fa l l read i l y i n to t h e easy-go i n g l i fe strategy. A pproac h i ng l i fe a s a n opport u n ity for per-

1 24


sonal e n j o y m e n t , we m ay t ry to t a ke a l l t h a t i s p l eas u r a b l e i n l i fe a n d b r u s h o ff any u n p l easan t n ess. To avo i d exposi n g o u rse lves to t h e pa i n of d i s appo i n t m e n t a nd loss, we may take few r i s k s a n d co n te n t o u rselves w i t h w h atever p l ea s u res l i fe offers. W e m ay fo l l ow o u r i m p u l ses a n d desi res w i t h o u t m u c h concern f o r t h e res u l t s of o u r act i o n s, t ry i n g to m a k e l i fe i n to a n eternal h o l i day. U ncom m i tted, we can be free from respo n s i b i l ity and care, l i v i n g in t h e m o m e n t, wa i t i n g fo r somet h i n g to t u rn u p . P l easu res c o m e o u r way, a n d w e enjoy. When act i v i t i es and a ssoc i a t i o n s beco m e t i reso me or demand a com m i t m e n t we do not w i s h to ma ke, we c a n d ro p t h e m a n d m ove o n . We may even k n ow t h a t we a r e cas t i n g away o u r t i m e, o u r l i ves, as t h o u g h t h ey had n o va l u e. Th i s fee l i ng can prov i d e a n odd sort of s a t i sfac t i o n ; perhaps we rese n t t h e d e m a n d s t h a t soc iety a n d o t h ers p l ace u po n u s, a n d t h i s i s o u r way of d e m o n st rat i n g t h a t we a re i n c o n t ro l . As l o n g as w e h ave t h e e n e rgy a n d i n co me to s u pport o u r l i festyle, or req u i re l i t t l e to s u p port o u r needs, w e m ay h ave n o mot i vat i o n t o l o o k m o re c l osely at w h a t i s h a p pe n i n g to o u r consc i o u s n ess. A l l a ro u n d u s w e see o t h ers s t r iv i ng, r i s k i n g u lcers or heart attacks to get so m ew h e re i n l i fe. H ow fu t i l e t h e u s u a l t read m i l l see m s w h e n l i fe can be s o easy a n d enjoyab l e w i t h h a rd l y a n y e ffo rt. W e m ay even sense a s p i r i t u a l d i m e n s i o n to o u r att i t u d e ; not h i n g rea l l y d i s t u rbs u s - w e a re a t peace w i t h t h e w o r l d . As t h i s a p p roach to l i fe beco m e s h a b i t u a l , energy a n d i n terest beg i n to wane. Few pas t i m es rea l l y seem worth the e ffo rt, a n d peo p l e d r ift in and o u t of o u r

Tim e to Change

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l i ves. Th ere a re s t i l l m o m e n ts of p l e a s u re , b u t i n retrospect o u r experi e nces m ay see m vag u e a n d b l a n d . L i fe ta kes o n a b l ea k q u a l i t y of sam e n ess, w i t h few con trasts to a ro u se o u r respon ses. So m e h ow even o u r memory see m s to l ose i t s s h a rpness. B u t w e m ay never q u es t i on why we fee l so l et h a r g i c , o r why o u r sen ses seem to have g rown so d u l l . A s we g row o l d e r, w e m ay fi nd i t h a rd t o a ro u se o u rselves to m a ke even m i no r dec i s i o n s. D i sc o m fo r t and pa i n t h a t we o n c e s h r u gged o ff occ u r m o re often , and we have to m a ke g reater efforts Lo m a i n ta i n o u r easy-go i n g se l f- i m age. I f w e t ry t o reve rse t h e patterns we have esta b l i s h e d , o u r m i n d s a n d bod i e s may h ave grown too d u l l to res pond i n t e l l ige n t l y . G ra d u a l l y we a p p rec i a te l e s s a n d l ess of o u r l i ves. As we feel o u r v i ta l i ty l essen, we beco m e m o re d i s trustf u l of peo p l e and c h a n ges t h a t occ u r a ro u n d u s . Whom c a n we t ru s t n o t to u pset o r b e t ray u s w h e n w e have formed n o l a s t i n g bo n d s ? W h en t h i n g s go agai n s t u s , we can no lo nger d i s m i ss t h e m so cas u a l ly, and we re flec t m o re often o n t h e u n fa i r n ess of l i fe. Because we lack the resou rces t o respond effectively to pai n , our e m o t i o n s can ea s i l y ove r r i d e our reason and back u s i n to a dark c o r n e r of despa i r. When l i fe experi ences beco m e overw h e l m i n g l y p a i n fu l , we m ay eve n choose to e n d o u r l i ves p re m a t u re l y : t h e fi n a l gest u re o f avo i d i n g rea l i t i es we have never trai n ed o u rselves to con fron t. Most of u s do n o t fo l l ow t h i s path to i t s e n d : Somet h i n g i n t h e h u m a n s p i r i t see m s t o re b e l aga i n s t prolonged passivi ty, h owever m u c h w e va l u e t h e t i mes when we can set aside respo n s i b i Ii t i es. Perhaps we

1 26


sense t h e waste a n d d a n ge r i n h e re n t i n p l a c i n g o u rselves a t t h e m e rcy of ra n d o m eve n t s , a n d do not w i s h to rel i n q u i s h so m u ch co n t ro l over t h e d i rect i o n of o u r l i ves.

1{0 m ore aggressive l i fe s t ra tegy can e m erge from � o u r t e n d e n cy to reach o u t fo r experie nce, for st i m u l a t i o n and fee l i n g s of acco m p l i sh m e n t and wort h . We yea rn for somet h i n g to happen, some t h i ng t h a t w i l l evo ke a respo n se so we can feel v i t a l a n d a l i ve. I s n ' t t h i s w h a t m a k e s l i fe wort h w h i l e ? W h e n o u r d e s i re s a re strong, w e m ay p u rs u e o u r goa l s aggressively, c o n f i den t t h at o u r efforts wi l l be rewarded . We l ea r n to take p l ea s u re i n t h e sense of we l l - b e i n g t h a t ari ses from a p p l y i n g o u r energy effec t i vely and overco m i n g a l l obstac l es i n o u r path. We feel con fi d e n t i n o u r worth a n d a b i l ity; we become good a t what we do and gain approva l from those we ad m i re or respec t . Accept i n g e a c h new s i t u a t i o n as a c h a l lenge, we can t a ke advantage of opport u n i ties. G row i n g s uccess m ay g i ve us t h e power to d i rec t t h e efforts of others, and we i n c rease our s t r i v i n g. O u r atten t i o n becomes foc u sed on s u ccess; perso n a l i n d u lgence ta kes l i t t l e of o u r t i m e . M ost of o u r p l eas u re i n l i fe d e pe n d s u pon co n t i n u i n g the m o m e n t u m we have estab l i s hed, and we m ay d r i ve o u rsel ves co m p u l s ive ly to greater and g reater h e i g h t s of ach i evem e n t . W h e n p l ea s u re i n l i fe c o m e s o n l y fro m strivi n g a n d ge t t i n g , w h e re c a n w e fi n d a res t i n g p l ace? T h e d r i v i n g fo rce of des i re g rows ever m o re i n ten se; each goal at t a i n ed t e n d s to i n crease o u r appet i t e. Even t u a l l y

Time to Change

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wha tever we acq u i re o r acco m p l i sh i s m erely a symbol of o u r progress a n d wort h . At each n ew pea k of ach i evement, we m ay stop to e n j oy the ben e fi t s of success, but i n activity soon m a kes u s res t l ess. T h e excitement n o w l ie s i n t h e p u rs u i t i t s e l f, a n d t h e pace m u st be cont i n ued. O u r l i ves move q u i c k l y a n d beco m e m o re co m p l ex . We seldom take t i m e to assess t h e effect s of o u r act i o n s u po n others, or even pay t h e m m u c h atten t i o n , al though from t i m e t o t i m e w e m a y expe r i e n c e fee l i n gs of g u i l t o r rese n t m e n t a t t h e i r c l a i m s o n o u r t i m e . O u r reac t i o n s speed u p . We f e e l dec i s ive a n d c l ea r m i nded, confi d e n t a n d i n c h a rge of o u r l ives. B u t t h ese fee l i ngs m ay be m a s k i ng a g row i n g s h o rt - s i g h ted ness; we beco m e less w i l l i ng to l i sten to advice and m ay eas i ly m a k e errors o f j ud g m e n t that set u s up for serio u s d iffi c u l t ies. Sh o u l d we t i re a n d wish to s l ow down, t h e pressu res accu m u l a t i n g i n si d e u s give u s n o peace. We fi n d o u rselves e n m es h ed i n n et s of expectat i o n s and respon s i b i l i t i es t h at o b l i ge us to co n t i n u e. Even t u a l ly, errors in j u d g m e n t catch u p w i t h us, o r c i rc u m stan ces a r i se that we ca n n ot t u rn to o u r advan tage. W i t h o u r sense o f d i g n i ty a n d sel f-wort h vested i n esca l a t i n g success, how do w e feel w h e n o u r m o m e n t u m i s b l ocked ? Perhaps o u r fi rst fee l i n g i s co n f u s i o n . When we perce ive t h a t we are rea l l y locked in, co n fu s i o n gives way to frustra t i o n a n d a n ger. If not h i n g re l i eves t h e p ressu res, we are left w i t h a deeper frustrat i o n that sows t h e seeds of sel f-doubt and despa i r. We h ave let down th ose w h o depend u pon us; we have fa i l ed . Our g u i l t m ay be nearly

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u n beara b l e ; even i f o t h ers o ffer t h e i r su pport, o u r own va l u es l ead us to reject o u rselves. What re sou rces have we d evelo ped to face t h e pa i n of s e l f-do u bt and h u m i l i a t i o n ? O r did we t h i n k s u c h moments wo u l d n ot c o m e ?

f(Y u r pred i s pos i t i o n s a n d

u pb r i n g i n g m ay cond i

'W t i o n u s i n stead to a l i fe st rategy of restra i n t . Possi b l y f r o m a n e a r l y a g e w e h ave learned to eq u ate strength w i t h self-control; perh aps o u r c h i l d hood c i rc u m st a nces led us to d eve l o p ways of kee p i n g o u r reac t i o n s a n d e m o t i o n s u n der t i g h t c o n t ro l . Over t i m e w e learn t o h o l d o u r des i res and ag gressive i m pu l ses i n c h ec k , m a i n t a i n i ng b a l a n ce no m atter w h a t h a p pe n s a ro u n d u s . O u r se l f - m astery can beco m e a so u rce of p r i d e and we l l - be i n g, a h a l l m a rk of b reed i n g a n d d i g n i ty that s u i ts o u r percept i o n of o u rselves, and a l l ows us to respo n d i n te l l i ge n t ly to s i t u at i o n s t h a t pro m i se to work to o u r adva n t age. S u fferi n g and d i sa p po i n t m en t g l a n c e off us, as t h o u g h we were su rro u nd ed by a p ro te c t i ve s h i e l d . B u t rep ressed i m p u l ses a n d reac t i o n s do n o t go away. O utward ly, we presen t a c a l m face to t h e worl d , w h i l e i n tern a l l y , u n fu l fi l l ed d es i res a n d u n ac k now l edged p a i n a re i n te n s i fy i n g . W e m u st c o n sta n t l y b e o n g u a rd l e s t o u r c o n trol s l i p , a n d oth ers n o t i c e o u r weakn esses a n d v u l n e rab i l i ty. O u r d e fen ses agai n st o u r own i m p u l ses a n d fee l i n g s become so h a b i t u a l t h a t w e d eceive even o u rselves. I f we a re d eterm i n ed n ot to be a n g ry, we convi n ce o u rselves t h at we have no a n ger. O u r e m o t i o n s s u rface s u b t l y , i n ways that do n ot c o n t rad i c t o u r s e l f - i m age.

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O u r a c t i o n s beco m e carefu l a n d m ea s u re d . W h e n somet h i n g u nexpec ted h a p p e n s , we t e n se, c u t t i n g o ff our natura l respo n ses befo re we c a n c o n sc i o u s l y iden t i fy w h at we a re exper i en c i n g. I n b u i l d i ng bar riers between our fee l i n gs and our i n te l l ec t , we a l so devel op s h e l l s t h at s h i e l d u s fro m t h e fee l i n g s and em ot i o n s of oth ers, espec i a l l y t h ose w h o a re c l osest to us. When we n eed to p rotect o u rse lves so c a refu I ly from ou r ow n i m pu l ses, how c a n we be open a n d compass i o n at e w i t h oth ers? E n cased in our se l f - i mage, we assu m e the ro l e of observer or med i ator, n ever d esc end i n g i n to t h e fray. Never f u l l y e n gaged , we watch eve n o u r own act i o n s with m i l d i n terest, a s i f w e were a stranger fo r w h o m w e n eed not b e re spo n s i b l e . We m ay assu m e the ro l e o f ma rtyr to a world t h a t c a n n o t u n de rsta n d u s , view i n g c o m p l a i n t s t h a t we a re c o l d o r u nc a ri n g a s con fi r m a t i o n s of o u r v i rt u e a n d s u peri o r i ty. N o o n e rea l ly u ndersta n d s how s e n s i t ive we a re, o r how n o b l y w e end u re o u r l o n e l i ness. Freez i n g our fee l i n g s a n d e m ot i o n s beh i n d a m a s k o f self-co n t ro l , w e beco m e e v e r m o re r i g i d a n d u n respo n s i ve t o c h a n ge. We avo i d s i t u at i o n s t h a t aro u se emot i o n s , ward i n g off fee l i n g s t h a t t h reaten to break t h ro u g h o u r o u ter sh e l l . We may sen se a grow i n g i so l a t i o n a n d b l a m e oth ers f o r n o t apprec i a t i n g o r u n derstand i n g t h e q u a l i t i es o f rest ra i n t t h a t we have so ca refu l l y deve l o ped . B u t however m u c h we m ay try to conso l e ou rse lves t h a t we have fo u n d a s u peri o r way t o l i ve, w e st i l l fee l l o n e l y a n d m i s u nd ers tood . How can we brea k o u t of t h i s pattern w i t h o u t expos i ng our weakn es s ? W h a t c a n we do w i t h o u r fear

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of o u r own fee l i ng s a n d of t h e peop l e or events that c o u l d break t h ro u g h o u r barriers? H ow m uc h emo t i o n a l en ergy h ave we repressed ? And w h ere can we fi n d o u rse lves in the i n n er l a byri n t h we have b u i l t ?

1[;'1 waren ess of t h e pervas i ve d i ssat i sfact i o n of l i fe !r-U may l ead u s to a l i fe st rategy of co m p l a i nt . W h e n w e a re you n g , o u r expectat i o n s a re h ig h , and we hope for the best l i fe h as to offer. But t h e re are m a n y s m a l l d i sappo i n t m e n t s , a n d rea l i ty does not seem to m ea s u re up to o u r i m age of what i t cou ld be. "That wasn't the way i t s h o u l d h ave been," we say to o u rselves, c o m pari n g t h e rea l i ty w i t h the i m ag i n ed i d ea l . " T h at wasn't good e n o u gh ." A l i tt l e p ro u d of b e i n g d i ffi c u l t to p l ease, w e m ay t h i n k o f o u rse lves a s i d ea l i s t i c a n d som ehow su perior. We do not rea l i ze that o u r tendency to foc u s on the negative b l i n d s u s to the pos i t i ve aspects of our experience. O u r co m pl a i n i n g is not the pos i t i ve ap p roach we t h i n k it i s, but is rat h e r a force of n egativity t h a t d raws negat i v i ty to u s . Com p l a i n i n g ap pears to offer a conve n i e n t safety valve, a way to re l i eve our d i sc o m fo rt a n d to feel c lose to o t hers. " I t's a re l i ef to be a b l e to ta l k to someone abo u t t h i s . " But as we grow o l der, o u r atten t i o n to what i s wrong grows more p ro n o u nced. N o m atter w h e re we are or who we are w i t h , we can not be sat i sf i ed for l o n g . P e r h a p s t h e pro b l e m i s t h e peo p l e w e l i ve or work w i t h , or t h e food we eat , or t h e p l ace we l i ve, or the k i n d of work we do. We may c h ange jobs or mates, or m ove to a d i ffere n t c i ty, but it m a k es no d i fference: Soon we are repea t i ng, "Th i s i s n ' t t h e way it shou ld

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be." We may c ri t i c i ze o u rse lves fo r fa i l i n g to l i ve u p t o o u r expecta t i o n s, u nd e r m i n i n g o u r own c o n fi dence and abi l i ty to ac h i eve our goa l s . We exper i e n c e a fee l i n g of a g i t a t i o n t h a t ra rely goes away. Wan t i n g somet h i n g, b u t n o t s u re w h a t, w e m easu re o u r l i fe agai nst a standard i t c a n n ever m e e t . O u r tendency to p i n po i n t t h e n egat ive a n d i g n o re t h e pos i t i ve i s d i sc o u ragi n g to others. W i t h o u r h u s bands or w ives and w i t h o u r c h i l d re n , we m ay fa l te r i n o u r effo rt s to c reate warm t h a n d t r u s t . P e r h a p s w e t u rn o u r att e n t i o n t o t h e world aro u n d u s , deve l o p i n g exc i t i ng, even b r i l l i a n t a n alyses of t h e p rob l e m s c o n fro n t i n g soci ety. P l ay i n g t h e ro l e of soc i a l c r i t i c w i t h fri e n d s c reates a feel i n g o f cam a rad e r i e t h a t concea l s t h e lack of deeper c losen ess a n d i n t i m acy. O u r a b i l i ty to i d e n t i fy p ro b l e m s and c r i t i c i ze s i t u a t i o n s m a y gai n u s a rep utat i o n f o r i n c i s iveness t h a t leads to pro m o t i o n a n d a n esta b l i s hed po s i t i o n i n o u r field. B u t as w e c o m e t o rely i n c reas i n g l y o n o u r c r i t i c a l abi l i ty, w e m ay not rea l i ze that i t has become a way to protect ou rselves; we o u rselves m ay be t h e t a rget of m u ch c ri t i c i s m from t h ose i n j u red by our sh arpness. Yet we do not rea l i ze t h a t we h ave sparked t h i s nega t i vi ty, a n d feel d ee p l y wou n d ed a n d rese n t f u l when i t t u rn s bac k u po n u s . After a l l , we a re i n t h e right, a ren't we? As we g row o l d e r, we may wo n d e r why we h ave so few f r i e n d s and s u pporters. H ave we d o n e some t h i n g wro n g ? O u r h a b i t u a l exp l a n at i o n s come w i t h fac i l i ty : " S h e w a s s o wea k," o r " H e l e t m e down . " A s w e t h i n k f u rt h e r abo u t what i s m i s s i n g fro m o u r l i ves, we m ay b l a m e ou rsel ves, add i n g deep regret to o u r frustrat i o n a n d pa i n .

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I n m o m e n ts of c l ari ty, we may rea l i z e t h at we have c u t o u rselves off fro m m u ch of t h e bea uty and joy of l i fe. B u t t ry as we m ay to appreciate what we have, we ca n n ot heal t h e wa n t i n g deep i n s i d e . D i sappo i n t m e n t fol lows d i sa p po i n t m e n t as o u r mates, o u r c h i l d re n , o u r work, o u r posses s i o n s a l l fa i l t o match o u r expectat i o n s . As we grow o l d er, we m ay beco m e b i tter w i t h d i s a p po i n t m en t . U n a b l e to fo rg ive o u rse lves a n d others fo r s h ortco m i n gs, fee l i n g u n a p p rec i a t ed , yet wond er i n g i f some how we o u rse lves a re to b l a m e, we m ay l ive o u t o u r days i n l o ne l i n ess a n d pa i n .

rr o u p l ed w i t h awa re n ess of i n j u st i ces i n the � wo r l d , a com p l a i n i ng stance m ay d eve l o p i n to a l i fe st rategy of o ppos i t i o n . Whet h e r t h e object of o u r c ri t i c i s m i s govern m en t , t h e eco n o m ic s t ru c t u re, t h e fam i l y, o r soc i ety, we m ay e m b race a spec i fi c t h eory of c h a nge as t h e key to a better wo r l d . O u r i n terp reta t i o n s of t h e cau ses of p resen t cond i t i o n s and o u r p rogram f o r act i o n seem s o gen u i n e t h a t w e have n o h es i t a t i o n a b o u t d evo t i n g o u r l ives t o t h i s cause. S u p po rted by a n i n t e l l ect u a l framework that m akes sense of o u r l i ves and offers us hope, we develop a s t ro n g be l i ef that o u r p u rpose i s right a n d j u st . W e k n ow that w e m u st act dec i s i vely. O u r work l i es w i t h peo p l e l i ke o u rselves who can be convi nced to see t h i n gs o u r way, even i f t h ey do not share o u r d eg ree o f con vict i o n . W e m ay try t o I i sten t o objec t i o n s and q u est i o n s , but genera l l y we n eed not l i s ten carefu l l y, for wh atever the o p pos i n g v i ew, o u r t h eory provides a n a n swer.

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There may be t i m es i n o u r l i ves w h e n o u r a p p roac h prod uces res u l ts we c o n s i d e r goo d . At o t h e r t i m es, when cond i t i o n s go aga i n st u s, we rema i n convi n ced t h at t i m e w i l l bear out t h e r i gh t n ess of o u r v i ews. We may not n o t i ce t h e effo rt it ta kes to m a i n t a i n o u r v i ew u nd e r a l l c i rc u m stances. C a u g h t u p i n i n terpre t i ng everyt h i n g t h at h a p p e n s as a n affi rma t i o n of o u r t h eories, w e t e n d t o reject t h e p rese n t i n favo r o f a d i stant f u t u re . We m ay eve n feel g u i lty i f w e fi n d o u rselves e n joy i n g a p l easa n t m o m e n t or apprec i at i n g t h e stand ard o f l i v i n g prov i d ed b y modern soc i e ty. O r i f t h e price we pay f o r fo l l ow i n g o u r i d ea l s i s present d i scomfort a n d frustrat i o n , " T h a t's all ri g h t- i t's wo rth i t . Th i s is the t i m e to agi tate for c h a n g e . " As t i m e goes o n , o u r capac i ty fo r e n joyme n t g rows less and l ess, and we m ay fi n d it i n c reas i n g l y d i ffi c u l t to persuade o t h ers to o u r view. Are w e get t i n g o u t of to u c h ? Feel i n gs of l o n e l i n ess m ay l e ad us to st re n g t h e n o u r re la t i o n s h i ps w i t h o t h e rs w h o b e l i eve as we d o . Whether we h ave some m e a s u re of s u ccess or not, w i t h o u t expo s u re to q u est i o n s a n d d i ff eri n g att i t u d es, o u r views beco m e m o re r i g i d . S i n c e t h ey req u i re m o re en ergy to h o l d i n p l ace, we h ave l ess e n e rgy ava i l ab l e for act i o n . Lack o f su pport f o r o u r v i ews- and o u r l i fe's pu rpose- m ay create b i t terness or para n o i a t h a t d ra i n s u s f u rt h e r. I n sett i n g o u rselves ever m o re s t rongly aga i n st o u r soc i ety a n d c u l t u re, we may b e p l agued b y g u i I t a n d c o n fl ict we h ave n o way to acknowledge. Co u l d we look at t h e pa i n we h ave brough t u po n o u rselves w i t h o u t ca l l i ng i n to q u est i o n t h e right n e ss o f o u r v i ew s ?

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Yo u n g peo p l e m oved by i n j u s t i c e m a y not look to us fo r g u i d an c e as we h ad h o ped a n d expected. After a l l , h ave we l ea rn ed to act effec t ively i n the wo r l d ? Does o u r w a y of bei n g offer a rea l a l ternat ive to t h e patte r n s w e h ave s p e n t o u r l i ves c r i t i c i z i n g , o r a re we c a u g h t u n awares i n u n a c k n ow l edged patterns of o u r ow n ? H ave w e deve l o ped t h e k n ow l edge, e n e rgy, persi stence, and t r u stwo rth i n ess to l ead oth ers in a n ew d i rect i o n , o r h ave we i n vested o u r l i fe energy i n a d ream t h at w e can n o t m a ke a rea l i ty?

O flow of eve n t s a ro u n d us, or i f the ord i n a r i n ess of f we see few opport u n i t i es fo r h a p p i n ess in the

o u r l ives m akes u s res t l ess a n d u ncomfort a b l e , we can a lways t u rn to a l i fe strategy w h e re d ayd ream i n g becomes a c e n t ra l so u rce o f sati sfact i o n . M a n y c h i l d re n e n gage i n d ayd rea m i n g a n d fan tasy p l ay, e n j oyi n g t h e g a m e of p retend i n g t h ey a re some one e l se. As we g row o l d e r, we m ay f i n d fantasy m uch m o re n o u r i s h i ng than the rea l worl d , wh i c h see m s d u l l b y co m pa r i so n . We m ay d ream of how o u r l ives wou l d be if o n l y t h i n gs were somehow d i ff eren t : " I f o n ly I c o u l d b e a cert a i n way, t h en m y l i fe wo u l d be wort h w h i l e . " O u r sense of o u rselves beco m es con n ected with our f a n tasy i m ages, eve n i f we k n ow t h ey a re i m ag i n a ry . T h ese i m ages come to re p rese nt o u r ' re a l s e l f ' f o r u s : Th i s i s h o w w e wo u l d l i ke t o be; t h ese a re t h e q u a l i t i e s we wo u l d l i ke to h ave. Perhaps we m od e l o u r fa n tasies on f a m o u s people o r fict i o n a l c h a racters whose l i ves seem m u ch more exc i t i n g a n d rea l t h a n o u r ow n . We can en joy t h e i r experi en ces v i c a ri o u s l y or d ream o f w h a t w e wo u l d

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do i f we too were fa m o u s, i rres i st i b l e , or r i c h . O f cou rse, w e k n ow we a re be i n g u n real i s t i c . W h at do we rea l l y k now of t h e frustra t i o n s, worries, and fears of the rich and fa m o u s ? B u t s t i l l we p refer to d re a m , creat i ng an i m ag i n a ry w o r l d w h e re even t s u n fo l d a s w e wo u l d wan t t h e m to . O u r i n n e r i m ages a re a s h i f t i n g a m a l g a m of q u a l i t ies we add to and s u btract f ro m t h ro u g h t h e years. Creat i n g t h ese ' c ha rac ters' c a n p rovide u s w i t h h o u rs of enterta i n m e n t . W e can i m agi n e o u rselves i n vari o u s ro l es a n d i nv e n t o t h e r c h a racters t o i n teract w i t h . What adven t u res we h ave ! T h ey wou l d m ake wo nderfu l stori es, but we j u st d o n 't h ave the e n e rgy to write t h e m dow n ; o u r i m ag i n at i o n see m s to d raw a l l o u r energy i n to i t s real m . A n d yet we are s a t i sfi ed w i t h o u r i m ag i n at i o n ; it respo n d s to o u r every d e s i re, i t offers us n o res i s ta n ce, and g i ves us w h atever p l easure we need. Our ' real s e l f' see m s s o m e h ow loc ked i n s i d e t h i s ord i n a ry l i fe t h a t w e d o not rea l l y w i s h to l i ve. I f t h i n g s were o n ly a l i t t l e d i ffere n t , we wo u l d be c l ever, cou rageo u s , beau t i f u l , a n d t a l e n ted. We wo u l d have t h e apprec i a t i o n , love, a n d ad m i ra t i o n of eve ryo n e aro u nd us. T h e n we wo u l d s h ow o u r real pote n t i a l ! O u r aspi rat i o n s a n d i d e a l s can b e bonded s o t i g h t l y t o th ese fan tasy i m ages t h a t i t beco m es very d i ffi c u l t to acco m p l i sh a n y t h i n g s u bsta n t i a l i n o u r l i ves. We prefer to d rea m ra t h e r t h a n t a k e any act i o n to b r i n g o u r i d e a l s i n to be i n g. I n o u r d ream, we a re a l ready com p l ete and perfect; the rea l i ty m i g h t req u i re effort and d i sci p l i n e , and we m i g h t h ave to struggle w i t h confusion and fear.

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S i n c e we c a n n o t express o u r ' real self', we may be re l u c t a n t to re l at e to o t h e r peo p l e- it is so d i s cou rag i n g to always end up j u st b e i n g o u r 'ord i nary self'. We t e n d to c u t o u rselves off fro m outside activi t ies a n d fro m o t he rs, a n d g i ve m o re a n d more t i m e to day d rea m i n g . O u r u rge to d ream may beco me so co m p u l s ive that we w i l l rea r ra n g e our sched u l e to g i ve o u rse lves m o re t i m e to spend a l o n e . S o m e t i m es i n stead of i m ag i n i n g ' h eroes and hero i nes/ we m ay beco m e co m p le t e l y c a u g h t up in i n t e rest i n g o r i m ag i n a t i ve i d eas. W e read a n d t h i n k and wonder- b u t s o m e h ow we have d i ffi cu l ty con nect i ng t h ese ideas to o u r l i ves o r prod u c i n g any c reat ive work. We may feel i n s p i red a n d exc i ted, but when i t comes to h a rd work, we d r i ft off, l oo k i n g for ' i n s p i ra t i o n ' . O n t h e s u rface o u r l i ves m av be work i n g wel l , a n d w e m ay f o r m sta b l e rel a t i o n sh i ps or take steady jobs. S i n c e we fi n d most of o u r n o u r i s h m e n t w i th i n o u r d ream rea l m , w e do not expect m u ch fro m t h e o u t s i d e wor l d . W e j u s t p l a y a l o n g . B u t a s dayd ream i n g beg i n s to permeate o u r c o n sc i o u sn ess, i t u ndercuts o u r a b i l i ty to respo nd fu l l y to t h e prese n t . By w i t h d raw i n g o u r atten t i o n fro m the rea l i t y of o u r l i ves, w e d e e p e n o u r sense of stag n a t i o n a n d bored o m , d r i v i n g ou rselves st i l l f u rt h e r i n to a n i l l u so ry exi stence. O u t of touch w i t h who we rea l l y are, we forfe it any opport u n i ty to u n d e rsta n d a n d c h a n ge o u r l i ves.

\\ f:\Jl h e n we look at s u c h strategies carefu l l y, i t \J\J see m s clear t h at t h ey are not d e l i berately ado pted after a t h o u g h t f u l exa m i n a t i o n of t h e i r p i t fa l l s a n d stre n g t h s . W h o wo u l d consc i o u sly fash i o n

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t h e i r l i fe as such a strategy? Perhaps we c o p i ed t h ese stances fro m our pare n t s o r o t h ers c l ose to us, ta k i n g u p t hese posi t i o n s before w e cou l d exa m i n e t h e i r probab l e resu l ts . H ave w e u nw i tt i ng l y patc hed to gether our approac h to l i fe , our w h o l e perso n a l i ty, from o u t s i d e sou rces who cop i ed in t u rn fro m o t h e r sources? Co u l d i t be t h at o u r w h o l e a p p roach to l i fe is a copy of an often reco p i e d copy? Accep t i n g a p refo rmed i m age to protect u s f ro m change a n d t o f i I I t h e ro les a n d expectat i o n s o f o t h e rs i s l i ke weari n g someo n e el se's i l l - fi t t i n g c l ot h es; we c a n n o t be fu l l y a t ease, e i t h e r w i t h ou rselves o r in t h e company of others. B u t d e s p i t e t h e d i sco m fo rt a n d d i s-ease, i t i s poss i b l e to become trap ped b y o u r roles, l i v i n g o u t o u r l i ves i n a sel f-dece p t i o n we eve n t u a l l y lose t h e power to brea k . The post u res we a d o p t take a g reat a m o u n t o f en ergy to s u s t a i n a n d g i ve u s l i tt l e i n ret u rn . We lose con tact with who we a re, and have d i ffi c u l t ly s u sta i n i n g a sense of m ea n i n g a n d p rogre ss i o n i n o u r l ives. When we near deat h , the e n e rgy i n vested in m a i n ta i n i n g ro les a n d appearances w i l l s l i p away, a n d we w i l l face t h e rea l i t y of w h a t we h ave d o n e to ou rsel ves more d i rect ly. As we refl ect o n the stan ces we ass u m e, we m ig h t consider t h a t everyone e l se m ay b e l i v i n g i n t h e same way. What i n t i m acy, what c l oseness, what cari n g can we expect when we a l l co n ceal our rea l be i n g i n t h ese ways ?

15

Yearn i n g fo r F u l fi l l m e n t

We can train ourselves to search within and to question the source of our deepest yearnings.

� ven i n h a ppy m o m en t s , s u rrou nded by friends U; a n d fa m i ly, we may feel som ehow w i stfu l and a l o n e . A l t h o u g h we m ay be p h y s i c a l l y co m fortable a n d h ave no p ress i n g worri es, we beco m e aware of a vag u e yearn i ng . It see m s to e m a nate from the depths of our being, aro u si n g a ge n t l e ach i n g sensa t i o n that l i n gers and t h e n d i ssolves. Somet i m e s a so u nd or s m e l l to uches so meth i n g w i t h i n , evo k i n g t h i s fee l i n g l i ke a h a l f-forgotten m e m o ry. B u t w h e n we reach o u t fo r the experi e nce, it has go n e- a l l t h a t re m a i n s is a n open space, a gap w h ere somet h i n g once seemed to be, b u t is no lo n ger. We m ay fi n d o u rselves gaz i n g vac a n t l y at noth i n g i n part i c u l a r, l i s ten i n g t o si l ence, feel i n g a t once fool ish a n d yet aware of a sweet sad ness, a gen t l e pa i n that fades a n d s l i ps away, e l u d i n g defi n i t i o n .

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A l t h o u g h o u r l i ves a re b u sy, m o m e n t s do come when we feel somet h i n g i s m i s s i n g . Som ehow t h ere is a mysterious space i n si d e us t h at h u n gers to be fi l l ed. Perhaps we h ave been l oo k i n g a long t i m e for so met h i n g that wou l d fi l l t h i s space a n d bri n g u s a sense of co m p l eteness. We m ay a n t i c i pate h a p p i n ess t h rough o u r work o r a c i rc l e of fri e n d s , or t h ro u g h wea l t h , f a m e , power, o r pres t i g e . Perhaps we want so meo n e to love, someo n e w h o w i l l com fort u s, s h a re o u r d reams, and u n d e rstand o u r ho pes a n d fears. We m ay have fo u n d t h at someo n e, and n ow k n ow o u r happi ness wo u l d be co m p l e te i f we had c h i l d re n and were a real fam i l y . O r e l se o u r ch i l d re n a re yo u n g and dem a n d i n g , a n d we yea rn fo r a few m o m e n t s to o u rselves. When t h ey a re g row n , l e av i n g h o m e to lead t h e i r own l ives, we m ay w i s h t h ey were yo u n g aga i n a n d n o t s o eager t o leave u s . O p port u n i t i es, peo p l e , posses s i o n s parade t h ro u g h o u r l i ves, b u t t h e l o n g i n g keeps ret u rn i n g. Loo k i n g for fu l fi l l m e n t , we s a m p l e d i fferent l i fe styl es, re l a t i o n s h i ps, and types of work, see k i n g a spec i a l joy or m ea n i n g f u l aven u e of com m i t m e n t . B u t j u st when o u r p l a n s a n d goa l s see m t o be w i t h i n reac h , we may fi nd o u rselves d raw i n g bac k , avo i d i n g a sense of co m p l et i o n . Yet we may n o t co m p rehend w h a t we are d o i n g , or u n derstand why we are l eft w i t h feel i n gs of d i ssat i sfact i o n . We t u rn to someth i n g e l se, searc h i n g for n ew fro n t i e rs t o conq u e r, som et h i n g o r some one more att rac t i ve. F i n d i n g a n ew goa l , we reawaken t h e sense of l o n g i n g t h a t s u st a i n s our i n terest . I n searc h i n g for f u l fi l l m e n t , we m ay act u a l l y t ra i n o u rselves fo r l o n g i n g . Reach i n g o u t t o touch a n d re l i s h

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t h e s e n sa t i o n of des i re is o u r bas ic exerc i se. We n o u r i s h o u rselves o n d e s i re a n d t h e a n t i c i pa t i o n o f w h a t w e w i l l a t t a i n , h ave, a n d d o . W h at w e seek may be h i gh Iy va l u ed i n o u r soc iety, such as profess i o n a l k n ow l edge, b u s i n ess expert i se, o r a m a n u a l s k i l l ; or i t m ay be s i m p l e p l e as u res- soc i a l occa s i o n s , h o l i d ays, t h e p rospect of t ravel or r o m a nce. B u t t h e yearn i n g i tse l f i s a m o re i m po r ta n t so u rce of p l easu re than a n yt h i n g we co u l d o b ta i n ; we re l i sh t h a t sweet a n t i c i pat i o n t h at t e l l s u s we a re p rogressi n g toward ou r goa l s o r ge t t i n g somet h i n g t a n g i b l e to possess a n d en joy. F ro m o u r earl i e s t yea rs to the prese n t , we h ave bec o m e acc u s t o m ed to t h e sweet n ess of w i s h i n g and the s u b t l e sad n ess t h at often acco m pa n i es gett i n g w h a t w e w a n t . O u r ro m a n t i c i d e a l s , o u r d ayd reams, t h e yea r n i n g s c e l e b ra ted in l i t e ra t u re a n d song va l i d a te a n d encou rage l o n g i n g . P a t h o s a n d sen t i m e n ta l i ty are eas i l y arou sed a n d c o n f u sed w i t h deep a p prec i a t i o n o r l ove; we fee l o u rse lves se n s i t ive a n d a l ive when a c t u a l l y we a re s teeped in emot i o n a l ag i ta t i o n . Oth ers c a n p l ay o n t h ese e m ot i o n s for t h e i r own private gai n , exc i t i n g o u r l o n g i n gs f u rt h e r by s t i m u l a t i n g deep e m o t i o n a l h u n ge rs. I f we w a n t t o pro l o n g t h e swee t n ess o u r deep yearn i n g a ro u ses, we c a n foc u s u po n t h i n gs t h a t seem u n a tt a i n a b l e- t h e i d e a l m a te, u n l i m i ted wea l t h and power, eve n world peace. We c a n search all ou r l i ves for somet h i n g we s u s pect we c a n n ever h ave. B u t even t h o u g h we a re s t r i v i n g fo r t h e u n atta i n a b l e , t h ere m u st a l ways be h o pe t h a t o u r d re a m s w i l l come true. What wou ld l i fe mean w i t h o u t h o pe to g i ve u s so m e t h i n g to l o o k fo rw a rd t o , s o m e reaso n to co n t i n u e l i v i n g ?

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Th ere a re t i m es i n o u r l i ves w h e n h o pe wears t h i n , when o u r m i n d s te l l u s o u r d rea m s a re e m p ty, a n d o u r hearts a re n o l o n ger s o easi l y u p l i fted by a n t i c i pa t i o n . What i s t h ere l eft t o h o pe f o r t h e n ? W h e n w e t u rn i n o u r hope l essn ess to face w h a t o u r l i ves t r u ly a re rather t h a n w h a t we i m ag i n e t h ey c o u l d be, w i l l we be encou raged by what we see ? W i l l we h ave d o n e any t h i n g i n h eren t l y u s e f u l a n d s a t i s fy i n g ? W h e n we have no cho ice b u t to l o o k i n s i d e o u rselves for stre n g t h , what w i l l we fi n d ? W i l l t h e e m pt i n ess and waste be u n beara b l e , d rivi n g u s i n to depress i o n or back i n to fantasies a n d compu l s ive acti v i t i es ? Fed on asp i rat i o n s and l o n g i n g , i s our consc i o u s n ess stro n g enou gh t o cope w i t h hope l essn ess, gri ef, a n d l o ss? We may tu rn to re l i g i o n to s a t i sfy our l o n g i n gs o r f o r comfo rt i n t i m es of n e e d . B u t o u r re l i g i o u s i m p u l se may not be deep e n o ugh to h e a l o u r sen se of empt i n ess a n d i so l a t i o n ; t h e sa m e a n x i e t i es a n d fears may re appear. O r o u r f a i t h m ay n o t be fi rm e n o u g h w e may b e tro u b l ed by u n reso lved d o u b t s, o r o u r i n tel l ect m ay co m pe l u s t o reject t rad i t i o n a l bel i efs t h at do not seem releva n t to o u r l i ves and t i m es . And s o w e m a y atte m p t to be o u r ow n teacher, searc h i n g h e re and t h e re for k n ow l ed ge t h a t w i l l h e l p u s t h rough t h e d iffi c u l t t i m e s . We m ay fi n d a n ew idea o r approach t h a t see m s ben efic i a l- i t ' fi l l s a n eed'. B u t rat h e r than l e tt i n g o u r n ew k n o w ledge t r a n s form o u r l i ves, we adj u s t our new k n ow l edge to our o l d way of l iv i n g and end up w i t h n o t h i n g rea l l y n ew . S k i l l i n l i v i n g o u r l ives, l i ke ath l et i c or occ u pat i o n a l s k i l l s , h as to b e deve l o ped t h ro u g h p ract ice. A t p rese n t

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we a re t r a i n e d o n l y f o r a p p rec i a t i n g a port i o n of o u r l i ves, o n l y f o r t o u c h i n g experi ences t h at w i l l sat i s fy u s te m porari l y . Everyt h i n g we k n ow s u pports l oo k i ng o u t s i d e of o u rselves for fu l fi l l m e n t : o u r l a n g u age, the way we t h i n k a b o u t o u rselves and o u r s u rro u n d i ngs, t h e concepts we h ave formed, and the soc i a l c o n d i t i o n i n g t h a t teaches u s w h a t w e need a n d h o w t o get what we want. M o re s u b t ly, we t ra i n o u rselves to e q u ate the joy o f l i v i n g with the exc i t e m e n t of a n t i c i pat i o n . When a n t i c i pa t i o n fai l s to exc i te u s , we n o u r i s h o u rsel ves w i t h m e m o r i e s or w i t h d re a m s of w h a t co u l d h ave bee n . W h e n we need stren gt h , yearn i n g i s a l l we know; i n o u r need o u r hearts m ay b u rst from yearn i n g, b u t w e get back o n l y e m pt i ness a n d fea r.

\\1:\17 e do n o t h ave to depend u po n c i rc u m stances IJIJ or o t h e r peo p l e for fu l fi l l m e n t , or sett l e for t h e sweet sad ness o f l o n g i n g as a s u b s t i t u t e for l a st i n g h a p p i ness. We can t ra i n o u rse lves to search w i th i n , q u es t i o n i n g t h e so u rce of o u r deepest yearn i n gs. Lett i n g go o f a l l preco ncept i o n s , we can ask ou rsel ves w h a t is rea l l y i m porta n t to o u r l ives, w h at i s i t t h a t w i l l s u st a i n u s t h ro u g h a l l forms o f advers ity. The t i mes w h e n we fee l m o s t rest less and l o n e l y a re va l u a b l e opport u n i t i e s to m a k e f r i e n d s w i t h ou rselves, to f i n d w i t h i n o u r own heart s a n ew depth o f u n derstand i n g. W h e n pain a r i ses, o r fear, we d o not h ave to cover t h e m up by seek i n g c o m pa n y or d i s t rac t i o n s. We can face t h e m d i rect l y a n d q u est i o n t h e i r so u rce w i t h i n o u r o w n m i n d s . W h at i s t h e cause of t h i s pa i n ? W h at w i t h i n u s i s fee l i ng t h reatened or fearfu l ? I s i t rea l ly

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necessary to res pond to t h ese fee l i n g s ? I t m i g h t be poss i b l e to say: " N o ! Th i s t i m e I w i l l n o t respo n d . T h i s t i m e I w i l l s i m p ly observe w h a t i s h appen i n g . " I n d o i n g t h i s, w e reverse o u r accusto m ed pattern s. We t a k e t h e fi rst step toward se l f- k now ledge, begi n n i n g a path t h a t can l i berate u s fro m yearn i n g a n d l o n e l i n ess. I f we rely u po n our own res o u rces a n d enco u rage ou rselves to persevere i n o u r e ffo rts, we can learn to g u i d e o u r l ives w i t h c l a ri ty and w i sd o m . When we can see m o re c l early w h at has l a s t i n g va l u e, we can replace l o n g i n g with ge n u i n e a p p rec i a t i o n a n d n o u r i s h o u r hearts a n d m i n d s w i t h m ea n i n gfu l a c ti o n . I n l a t e r years, o u r con sc i o u sn ess w i l l rew a rd u s f o r t h e n o u r i s h ment we h ave g iven i t , p ro tec t i ng u s from u n nec essary s u fferi n g a n d s u sta i n i n g u s w i t h l a st i n g c o n fidence a n d i n ner strengt h . A s a n art i st a l lows h a n d a n d bru sh t o b e d i rected by an i n n er v i s i o n , we can be g u i d ed by k n o w l edge of our own va l u e and take fu l l advantage of t h e opport u n i t i es a h u m a n l i fe o ffers. S u ppo rted by t h e i n ner riches w e h ave d evelo ped w i t h i n o u rse lves, we can l i ve sec u re, f ree fro m a n x i e ty, fear, and l o n e l i ness.

16

P u rs u i t of H a p p i n e ss

How strong i s o u r motivation to discover the knowledge we need to give greater meaning to o u r lives?

try u r

l i ves seem n a t u ra l l y ori ented toward the \W p u rs u i t of h a p p i n ess- we c a n n o t even i m agine n o t p u rsu i ng i t . A l t h o u g h we a l l have d i ff e re n t i m ages and i d eas about what wou l d make us h a p py, we a l l w i s h fo r sati sfact i o n . W i t h s o m u ch eff o rt a n d i n t e l l i ge n ce bent o n fi n d i n g h a p p i n ess, why a re s o m a n y h o u rs o f o u r l i ves s p e n t i n frustra t i o n a n d a n x i ety? We a l l h ave won derfu l m o m e n t s that are deeply sat i sfy i ng, but we c a n n o t seem to h o l d o n to l a s t i n g h a p p i ness. O u r l i ves seem to ru n on t h e i r own, s l i p p i n g past l i ke e p i sodes i n a d rea m . W h e n we look bac k, how fast t h e years have gone. T h e next twenty years cou ld we l l pass as q u i c k ly, a n d a l l we w i l l have is a few m em o r i es. I n t h e mea n t i me, we co n t i n u e to eat, work, a m u se o u rselve s for a few h o u rs, and s l ee p . The s u rface patterns of o u r l i ves d i s p l ay end less c o l orfu l vari a t i o n s, b u t i f we l o o k u nd e r the su rface,

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beyo nd spec i fi c i n stances, t h e u n d er l y i n g patte r n s seldom c h a nge. W e repeat t h e s a m e act i o n s, t h e sa m e word s, t h e same cyc l es of exci t e m e n t a n d de pressio n , t h e same re n ew a l s o f h o pe, t h e same periods of a n x i ety. We t ry to m a i n ta i n a sense o f pu rpose, b u t are w e s u re of o u r d i rect i o n ? I s t h i s t h e l i fe we a n t i c i pated when we were yo u n g a n d fu l l of h o pe ? I s t h i s t h e way w e wa n t to l i ve t h e rest o f o u r l i ves? Most of u s have rai sed such q u e s t i o n s at some t i m e or a n o t h er, b u t we p u t t h e m o u t of o u r m i n d s befo re they make u s too de pressed . I f we do beg i n to refl ect on what to do, how eas i l y we g i ve up at the fi rst i n d icat i o n t h at t h i ngs may not be exact l y as we h ave though t ! We may t u rn bac k at t h e very m o m e n t when we are about to pe n e t rate t h e bo u n d a r i e s of o u r fam i l i ar rea l m a n d ga i n some k n o w l edge o f w h a t l i es beyo n d . D i sc o u raged and d i sappo i n ted, we m ay re sign ou rse lves to our l ives as t h ey a re, a n d make t h e best o f what w e h ave.

1/;\ s to ry i s told of a n a n c i e n t t rave l e r w h o o n ce ru passed t h ro u g h a s m a l l v i l l age. A l t h o u g h most of the vi l l agers were too p reocc u p i ed w i t h t h e i r c h ores to pay h i m m u ch atten t i o n , a yo u n g boy n o t yet o l d enough to b e at w o r k w a s h appy t o l i sten to t h e stranger's t a l es. W i t h grow i n g awe h e l i stened a s t h e trave l e r descri bed t h e gra n d e u r o f a d i s t a n t c i ty, i t s wa l l s ri m m ed w i t h tem p l e s capped w i t h towers o f go l d . Th ere, s u fferi n g of any k i n d w a s u n k n o w n ; a l l o f i t s c i t i ze n s e n j oyed great r i c h es a n d l i ved i n peace. As the boy l i stened to the stra n g er's descri pti o n , h e saw w i t h new eyes t h e ro u t i n e a n d sq u a l o r o f v i l l age l i fe, and dete r m i n ed to d o what he cou l d to ch ange i t . H e wo u l d go to t h e c i ty, l ea r n of i t s ways, a n d re t u rn

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to sh are h i s k n o w l edge w i t h t h e v i l l agers. A l though t h e boy had n ever before left his v i l l age, h e set o u t at once i n t h e d i rect i o n t h e t rave l e r i n d i cated . A l l day he wa l ked, a n d by n i g h t fa l l he had gone far beyo n d h i s v i l lage t o t h e foot o f a m o u n t a i n ra n ge t h a t st ret c h ed as far as t h e eye co u l d see. G reatly d i sa p po i n ted, he sto pped to res t . S u re ly, he t h o u ght, n o one h as ever t raveled as far as I h ave, yet I have fo u n d no c i ty. T h e stranger see m ed so certa i n , h i s v i s i o n so rea l ; yet h e m u s t have l i e d , or perhaps he was m a d . N o w I h ave reac h ed t h e m o u n t a i n s t h at everyon e k nows mark t h e edge of t h e world. I f I co n t i n u e a n y fa rt h e r, I w i l l fa l l o ff t h e world and d i e a terr i b l e deat h . T h e v i s i o n o f t h e g o l d e n c i ty va n i s h ed; t h e boy q u i c k l y t u rned back to h i s vi l l age, retra c i n g h i s steps in the d a r k . As soon as he h ad arrived home safely, he made a so l e m n p l edge t h a t h e w o u l d n ever aga i n b e deceived i n t h e same way. H e res u m ed t h e ways of h i s peo p l e , a n d soon forgot h i s d i scontent w i t h everyday l i fe. W h e n h e c a m e of age, h e t o o k a w i fe a n d ra i sed a fa m i ly. I n w i n ter he wo u l d gather h i s c h i l d re n aro u n d t h e fire a n d i n struct t h e m never to h eed t h e w i l d tales of stra n ge rs. A n d h i s ch i l d ren fo l l owed h i s i n st r u c t i o n s , as d i d t h e i r c h i l d ren and t h e i r c h i l d re n 's c h i l d re n .

M ow far d o we let o u rsel ves t ravel i n o u r i nq u i lnJ ries before we g i ve u p ? What k n ow l edge g u i d es o u r fi rst few steps? H o w m u c h of o u r l i ves is patterned u po n assu m pt i o n s we n ever l earned to q u est i o n ? H ow strong i s o u r m o t i va t i o n to d i scover t h e k n o w l edge we

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wo u l d need to g ive g reater m ean i n g to o u r l i ves? H o w m u c h a re w e leav i n g to c h a n ce, assu m i n g t h a t l i fe w i l l automat i ca l ly prov i d e w h a t we need ? O u r t i m e a n d energy w i l l not l a st forever; u n l ess we ask s u c h q u est i o n s o f o u rse lves, we m ay spend yea rs repeat i n g patterns that o n l y i n c rease o u r vu l n erab i l i ty t o frustra tion, anx iety, and e m ot i o n a l pa i n . Why c a n 't we ask m o re fro m o u r l ives? Are we w i l l i ng to spend our e n t i re l i ves in act i o n s a n d t h o ughts that fo l l ow p red i c ta b l e cyc les, w i t h o u t ever f u l l y u nd e rstand i n g o u r s i t u at i o n ? I s n ' t t h e re a m o re sat i s fy i n g way to l ive? We can l earn t o face q u es t i o n s that make us u n comfort a b l e , rather t h a n d i s m i s s i n g t h e m a s i rre l e v a n t to t h e rea l i t i e s o f l i fe. We c a n t a k e o u r l ives m ore se r i o u s l y and d e m a n d m o re of o u rselves. O u r very i m patience w i t h q uest i o n s c a n h e l p reve a l t h e h a b i t s that preve n t u s f r o m f i n d i n g g reater m ean i n g. Observ i ng these h a b i t s w i l l s h ow us w h a t to d o, what c h a n ges are rea l l y benefi c i a l to our g rowt h , and h o w t o deve l o p o u r own i n n e r stre n g t h . N ow, w h i l e w e h ave so m e years l eft to u s, w h y n o t take advantage of every opport u n i ty to d i scover t h e rea l va l u e of o u r l i ves? At t h e very l east, t h i s search wou l d mark a break w i t h o ld patterns and q u i c k e n o u r i n terest i n l i fe; a t best, w e m ig h t fi n d a wea l th of wonder and w i sd o m that we never su spected ex i sted . As h u m a n be i n gs, we h ave t h e capac i ty t o free o u rselves fro m l i m i t i n g patterns and d i scover t h e key to true and l a st i ng sa t i sfact i o n . When we l o o k c l o s e l y at o u r l ives and have t h e cou rage to fo l l ow o u r q u est i o n s wherever t h ey may lead, w e c a n fi n d t h e knowledge w e need.

17

G ateway to K n ow l edge

The sensa tion we call

fea r

can be a ga teway to inner a wa kening.

f

we w i s h t o ex p l o re o u r l i ves a n d t h e i r u n d i s cove red poss i b i l i t ies, we n eed to be able to look stead i l y a t o u r expe rien ce, n o m atter w h a t i t m i gh t be. R i g h t at the beg i n n i n g of o u r exp l o ra t i o n s , are we m a k i n g agree m e n t s not to l o o k at c e rta i n a reas o f o u r l i ves ? Pa i n f u l o r n egat ive eve n t s, i d eas, or mem ories can be d iffi c u l t to l o o k at d i re c t l y , for n o dynam ic i s stronger i n o u r l i ves t h a n t h e p u s h a n d pu l l of p l easu re a n d pa i n , h a p p i ness a n d sorrow, a n d o u r w i s h to ex peri e n ce t h e o n e a n d avo i d t h e o t h e r.

O

O u r j u d g m e n ts of w h a t i s good or bad, pos i t i ve or nega t i ve, a re based o n concepts we abso rbed as c h i l d ren a s u n co n s c i o u s l y a s w e l earned o u r l a n g u age. Th ese j ud g m e n ts a re so c o m p e l l i n g t h a t we confuse t h e m w i t h d i rect experi ence o f l i fe. Yet i n accept i n g t h e m w i t h o u t q u est i o n , w e w i l l s u re l y l i m i t what we can d i scover. For a re n 't t h e re h i dden d rawbacks i n

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experiences we c a l l p l easa n t , a n d rea l val u e i n t h o se we cal l u n d e s i ra b l e ? B u t t h e reflex t o t u rn away from ' negat ive' experi ences is so s t ro n g that we h a rd l y have a chance to see w h a t is t h ere. We can n o t seem to get pas t o u r fea r. The most fearso m e o f a l l expe r i e n ces, t h e one t h i ng hardest to face d i rectly, i s deat h . B u t can we l eave t h i s event o u t o f acco u n t a n d st i l l h o pe t o u nd ersta n d t h e m ea n i n g o f o u r l ives ? W e w i s h w e co u l d . P o n d e r i n g the i n evitab i l ity o f ag i n g and death is p a i n fu l. I t b rings u s u p aga i n st a despa i r t h at l eaves n o ave n u e for es cape. What in l i fe h a s m ea n i n g if d ea t h is the e n d of all our striv i n g ? A l t h o u g h we k n ow w e c a n n o t avo i d i t , w e act a s though death h a d l i t t l e s i g n i fi ca n c e i n t h e t o t a l con text of our l ives. We c a n b e rea l i st i c a b o u t d e a t h o n l y on a s u perfi c i a l l eve l , reso lv i n g to deal w i th w h atever h a ppens when it c o m es. We can deflect a seri o u s i n q u i ry i n to t h e m ean i n g of death even w h i l e d raft i n g l i fe i n s u ra n ce p l a n s a n d w i l l s, o r a rra n g i n g t h e deta i l s o f o u r own fu nera l s. I f we k n ew that we had the opport u n ity to c l ose a profi tab l e b u s i ness deal, we wo u l d l e a rn as m uc h as w e c o u l d a b o u t a l l i t s i m p l i ca t i o n s a n d fu l l y p repare o u rselves to benefit fro m i t s o u tco m e . Yet w h e n o u r t i m e comes t o d i e, a s i t i n evi t a b l y does, w e tend to be caught u n awares. Can we al l ow ou rselves to i m ag i n e how we w i l l feel when i t i s o u r t u rn t o bec o m e i ncapaci tated a n d h e l p l ess, o r to l ive d a i l y w i t h t h e k n o w l edge of i m m i n e n t death ? W i l l o u r presen t fee l i ngs o f p l ea s u re

1 50


a n d c o n t e n t m e n t s u st a i n us w h e n we feel o u r v i t a l e n e rg i es s l i p p i n g away, o r w h e n w e a re s u ff u sed w i t h p a i n that w i l l n ot abate? If we k n ew t h at our l ives were end i n g w i t h i n a few h o u rs, wou l d we s u rre n d e r g e n t l y ? W h at regrets m ight we ex p e r i e n c e ; w h a t w o u l d we feel we h ad l e ft u nd o n e ? Wo u l d we h ave l i ved d i ffere n t l y h ad we k n own earl i e r t h a t at t h i s m o m e n t o u r l i ves wou l d be over? W h at advice w o u l d we g i ve to o u r ch i l d ren or to o u r f r i e n d s , to h e l p t h e m avo i d fee l i n gs of regret when it c a m e t h e i r t i m e to d i e ? T h e n , i f we were given t h e o pport u n i ty t o c o nt i n u e to l ive, wou l d w e take o u r o w n advice, o r wo u l d we repeat t h e sa m e m i s ta ke s ? A l lowi n g o u rselves to th i n k a b o u t death now m i g h t c h a n ge o u r perspect ive o n t i m e a n d h e l p u s esta b l i s h priorit ies for o u r l i ves that wo u ld s u p p o rt u s better i n years to come. Wh i l e we are yo u n g a n d healt hy, t i m e i s our friend; i t a l l ows u s o pport u n ity to refl ect on t h e va l ue of what we a re d o i n g a n d su ppo rts o u r eff o rt s to f i n d t h e k n o w l edge we n eed to co u n te r c o n f u s i o n a n d waste i n o u r l ives. Wast i n g t i m e, we l o se o u r l i ves, and have l i t t l e c h o i c e b u t to accept w h atever h a p p e n s i n o u r l ater yea rs. B u t w h e n we accept t i m e's gen ero s i ty, and u se it to b u i l d a stro n g basi s o f s e l f - u n dersta n d i ng, the k n o w l edge we g a i n w i l l protect u s f ro m weakn ess and e m o t i o n a l d i st ress bot h now and in the f u t u re . In our old age, k n owledge w i l l be a con t i n u a l so u rce of i n sp i ra t i o n and v i go r , s u pport i n g us t h ro u g h a l l form s of advers i ty, a n d s u s ta i n i n g o u r va l u e to ou rsel ves and to o t h ers.

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Why i s i t so d i ffi c u l t to face t h e rea l i ty that we w i l l age and d i e? Why m u st w e avo id a d i rect c o n f ro n t a tion w i t h o u r fear? W h e n we say " I a m afra i d of what will ha ppen," what d o we rea l l y mean? Do we ever say, "I am afraid at t h i s very m o m e n t because I know so meth i n g I do not want to k n ow"? Cou ld o u r fear actu a l l y be an i n co m p l ete k i n d o f k n ow l ed ge, fearf u l o n ly becau se w e a re u n w i l l i n g to accept i t fu l l y? Perhaps, in a c k n ow l edg i n g our fears a n d a l l ow i ng them to we l l u p in our hearts, we w i l l l o se only o u r i l l u s i o n s . W i t h i n o u r fear w e m i ght f i n d an u n expected rest i n g p l ace and feel deep grat i t u d e that at l ast we know what we a re and wh ere we are g o i n g . T h e sen sat i o n we n o w cal l fea r c a n be a gateway to i n ner awaken i n g. Wh enever we taste fear, we can su spect t h at we a re c lose to k n ow l edge we h ave h i dden f ro m o u rselves. W h e n ever we a p p roach t h e boundaries of o u r experi e n c e a n d beg i n to perceive so meth i ng n ew, fear w i l l ari se l i ke a sh adow, c o n ceal ing whatever we most n eed to k now. L i ke a good f r i e n d , fear w i l l n ever l eave u s u n t i l we co m p l etely u n d e rstand o u r own be i n g . As l o n g as we seek greater k n o w l edge o f who and what we a re, we can trust fear to serve as a c o m pass to o u r own aware ness, a p o i n t e r s h ow i n g us t h e way to greater knowledge.

�[ffi@\JYO�cdJ�� @U CC@[ffi u Ql]�B@uu

C H A PTE R 1 8 : H U M A N E D U CAT I O N

Beauty o f experience

1 57

Knowl edge of body, m i nd, and sen ses

1 58

Diffi cu l ty of changing patterns

1 58

Lack of confi dence L i m i tat ions of cond i t ion i ng

1 59

D i m i n i sh i n g opport u n i ties

1 61

Acknowledgment: the start i n g point Pa i n witnesses o u r l i m i tations

1 62 1 64

Comprehensive h u man education

1 64

Educati ng o u r c h i ld ren

1 65

Sel f-ed ucation : look i n g w i t h i n

1 65

1 60

C H A PT E R 1 9 : LAY E R S O F CO N D I T I O N I N G

I n fl u ence of cond i t i o n i n g

1 68

Stages of growth and deve l o p m e n t

1 69

Dependency Separa t i o n , c u r i o s i ty, a n d fear

1 71 1 71

I n sec u r i ty a n d l a n g u age Chan g i n g sense o f s e l f

1 73

Perso nal i ty, i n secu ri ty, a n d i s o l a t i o n

1 75

Respo n s i b i l i ty a n d c h o o s i n g a d i rect i o n

1 77

Confu s i o n

1 79

Va l ue of t i m e Co n fro n t i ng negat ive patterns

1 80

Com pass i o n and pat i e nce

1 82

1 73

1 81

C H A PT E R 20 : N EW B E G I N N I N G S

P o i n t s o f n ew begi n n i n gs

1 84

C h a n ges i n modes o f experi e n c i n g

1 84

Cyc l i c a l q u a l i ty o f experi e n ce

1 84

S h i ft s i n percep t i o n s a n d capa b i l i t i e s

1 86

Ten d e n c i es t o c o n f u s i o n

1 87

S pace between stages

1 88

Cyc l e s w i t h i n cyc l e s

1 88

Beg i n n i ngs w i t h i n beg i n n i n gs

1 90

T h o u g h t a n d e m ot i o n a l patterns

1 90

B rea k i n g cyc l e s o f n egat i v i ty

1 91

C H A PT E R 21 : I M A G E S O F O U R S E LV E S

Act i n g o n po s i t i ve se l f- i m ages

1 93

Rat i o n a l i z a t i o n s a n d exc u ses

1 94

P rocrast i n a t i o n a n d sense of l i m i t a t i o n

1 94

I n stab i l i ty o f s e l f - i m ages

1 96

D eve l o p m e n t o f s e l f - i m ages

1 97

A rt i fi c i a l respon ses Den i a l o f n egat ive q u a l i t i es

1 97 1 98

C o n f u s i o n between p rojected i m ages

1 99

N egative self- i m ag e

200

A l i e nat i o n a n d sel f-decept i o n

201

T h e rape u t i c se l f-observat i o n

203

18

H u m a n Ed u c at i o n

In letting go our belief that suffering is

a

necessary part of human life,

we can take a few steps forward.

� ach morn i n g as we awake n , o u r fi rs t i m pres s i o n U; i s of l i g h t; as forms a n d co l o rs c o m e i n to foc u s, we see befo re u s , wherever we l oo k , t h e c o l ors of t h e ra i n bow- t h e gree n of p l a n ts a n d trees, t h e r i c h h u e s of wood, t h e g o l d e n ye l l ow of t h e s u n , t h e b l u e sky above . Spark l i n g w i t h l i g h t , eve n a sto n e w a l kway becomes a rea l m of jewe l s . As t h o u g h o u t of a h i dden cornuco p i a , m y r i ad sh apes flow past u s a n d text u res of a l l k i n ds brush o u r s k i n . R u st l i n g l eaves a n d b i rd so n g a re there f o r t h e h eari n g . O u r senses a n d o u r m i n d s b r i n g u s t h ese offeri n g s aga i n a n d aga i n eac h day. I n every t i m e and p l ac e t h ro u gh o u t h i story, peo p l e have been l i fted o u t o f t h e i r d a i l y ro u t i n es b y m o m e n ts of bea u ty when t h ey sen sed t h e wonder of bei n g a l ive i n t h i s worl d . I n t h ese spec i a l mo m e n t s we may feel deeply grate fu l to h ave a body capa b l e of s u c h responses, a m i n d that c a n k n ow s u c h p l e a s u re a n d

1 58


joy. A trea s u re - h o u s e u n l ocked a n d sta n d i n g open befo re us, the world of o u r h u m an conscio us ness c o n ta i n s a wea l t h of wondrous poss i b i l i t ies. The ex per i e n ce of h u m a n bei ngs in such a rea l m cou l d be an e n d less c e l e b ra t i o n . When we h ave beaut i f u l fee l i ngs of j oy a n d ap p rec i a t i o n , we k n ow that o u r sen ses, o u r bod i es, and o u r m i n d s can e n j oy fee l i n gs far r i c h e r and more c o m p l ete t h a n o u r o rd i n ary sensa t i o n s . A l t h o u g h it m ay now seem i m possi b l e to e n j oy th ese fee l i ngs for m o re t h a n a s h o rt t i m e , we m ay s i m ply be l a c k i n g the k n o w l edge we n eed to reco g n i z e and s u sta i n the positive aspects of our experience. We have only be g u n to exp l o re t h e re l at i o n sh i ps among m i nd, body, and sen ses; we need m o re com p reh en s i ve knowledge to t reat body a n d m i n d as an i n tegrated w h o l e . Wh i l e we h ave m u c h i n format i o n on the physical aspects o f the body, measu re m e n t s fo r the rat i o n a l capac i t i e s o f t h e m i n d , a n d t h eories g ro u nd ed on observat i o n of h u m an behav i o r, we k n ow l i tt l e about how body a n d m i nd i n te ract to i n fl u e n ce the nature of o u r experi ence. Each of t h e many el ements that form our bod ies a n d m i n d s m ay have f u n c t i o n s and capa b i l i t i e s t h at we d o not yet u n derst a n d . If we cou l d extend o u r k n o w l edge, we m i ght b e able t o o pen wide the c h a n n e l s between sense s a n d m i nd , a n d d i scover new d i m e n s i o n s of experi ence that we co u l d evo ke w h e n ever we w i s h e d . Th i n k i n g abo u t s u c h poss i b i l i t i es may t o u c h us deeply; m o st of u s yearn fo r t h e u n d e rstand i n g t h at w i l l a l low us to l i ve m o re sa t i s fy i ng l i ves. We want to enjoy more of t h e po s i t ive i n l i fewe want to feel

Tim e to Cha nge

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good about o u rse lves, o u r fa m i l i es, o u r c o u n t ry, a n d o u r fu t u re. We want to be f ree of b o red o m , f r u s t rat i o n , a n d l i nger i n g a n x i et i e s . B u t w h e n we c o n s i d e r t h e possi b i l i ty of real c h ange i n o u r l i ves, d o we try to succeed or d o we know that we w i l l su cceed ? If we a re o pt i m i st i c , is o u r o pt i m i s m based u po n strong self-co n fi dence a n d cert a i n k n o w l edge o f a l terna t i ves? Do we k n ow t h at we c a n fi n d m o re mean i n gfu l ways to l ive, o r i s o u r co n fi d e n ce, deep d o w n , s h aky and u ncerta i n ? Perhaps w e h ave t r i ed t o m a k e c h a n ges before. We may have read many books t h a t seem to offer hope of self- i m p rove m e n t or i nvested l a rge su m s of m o n ey i n c la sses o r c o u n se l i ng, spend i ng m o n t h s o r even years t ry i n g to free o u rselves f ro m o l d h a b i t s a n d ga i n m o re sat i sfac t i o n from l i fe. When we seem to be su cceed i n g, a we lcome fee l i n g of exh i l a ra t i o n b u oys u p o u r confidence, fi l l i n g u s w i t h h o p e f o r a b r i g h te r f u t u re. But i f we beg i n to s u s pect t h at the c h a n ges we m a k e are o n l y su perfi c i a l , or i f w e s e e o l d patterns resu rfac i n g in new s i t u a t i o n s , fee l i n gs o f h e l p less ness a n d d i smay may d i scou rage u s fro m c o n t i n u i ng o u r efforts. After a w h i l e we may gather our e n e rgy to t ry agai n . Th i s t i m e we a re less certa i n of o u r a b i l ity t o c o u n t e r negat ivi ty, m o re c r i t i c a l of o u rse lves o r t h ose w h o wo u l d h e l p u s . We a re not s u rp r i sed when negative patterns reassert t h e m selves even m o re stro n g l y t h a n before. Even t u a l l y, w e m a y sec re t l y co m e t o t h e co n c l u s i o n that i t i s s i m p l y n o t poss i b l e to c h a n ge deeply e n t re n c h ed patterns. We may con t i n u e to ' t ry' to change, b u t deep in o u r h earts we h ave no confidence t h at we w i l l succeed . F i n a l l y, we may feel t h at t h e best we can d o is to a c k n o w l edge t h at w h i l e

1 60


we wo u l d l i ke to feel better about o u rse lves, we have to accept o u rse lves as we a re. Rea l confidence that we can c h a n ge the u n d e r l y i n g p a t t e r n s of o u r l ives see m s to b e l a c k i n g , not o n ly i n o u r i n d i v i d u a l experi ence, b u t a l so i n western soci ety a n d c u l t u re as a w h o l e . T h o u g h m e m bers of a w i de ra nge of profess i o n s- i n c l u d i n g ed ucators, phys i c i a n s , s c i e n t i sts, psyc h o logists, soc io l ogi sts, a n d po l i t i cal sc i e n t i s ts- are ta k i n g a crit ical look at the com p l ex pro b l e m s we face today, t h ey are n o t pro m i s i n g hope of rea l c h a n ge. They may offer so m e new ap proaches and i n sigh ts, b u t few pro fess i o n a l s wou ld c l a i m to have been s u ccessfu l i n t h e i r e ffo rts to prov ide l as t i ng and com pre h e n s i ve so l u t i o n s to s t ro n g l y estab l i s h ed soc i a l o r psyc h o l og i c a l pro b l e m s , and many are co n te n t to red i rect t h e m i n l ess h a rm f u l ways. I t seems that we s i m p l y do not k n ow what to do-at a f u n da m e n t a l l ev e l - to make t h i n gs better. We m ay n ot be aware t h at the be l i ef that we have n o rea l a l ternat ives i s i ts e l f part of o u r cond i t i o n i ng, passed o n to us not o n l y by o u r pare n t s and o u r school sys t e m , but by a l l the i n fl u e nces in so c i ety that make up o u r h u m a n ed u ca t i o n : t h e m ed i a, a rt , m u s i c , l i tera t u re, h i st o ry, sc i e n c e, po l i t i cs- t h e l i st of i n fl u e n ces i n c l u d e s everyt h i n g i n o u r k n own wo r l d . Every t h i n g we see, s m e l l , t o u c h , taste, and hear, eve ry t h i n g we t h i n k, every act i o n w e take, everyt h i n g t h at hap pens to us in o u r l i ves forms part of o u r educat i o n . T h ro u g h o u t o u r l i ves, w e have been t a u g h t how to v i ew a n d i n terpret o u r expe r i e n ce- w h at to con sider ' good' and w h at to c o n s i d e r pa i n f u l ; what to expect in l i fe a n d what to expect from ou rse lves.

Time to Cha nge

1 61

Eve ryt h i ng i n o u r expe rience h as been c h a n n e l ed i n to categories t h a t we h ave been t ra i ned to accept. N o w t h ese categories s e e m l i ke se l f-ev i d e n t t r u t h s t h at we c a n n o t c h a n ge. I t is d iffi c u l t even to i m ag i n e how we co u l d j u dge ou rsel ves and o u r expe r i e n ces d i ffere n t l y . A l t h o u g h a l l h u m a n b e i n g s h ave h ad to c o p e w i t h the l i m i t a t i o n s o f t h e i r ed u ca t i o n , today we a r e m o re pressu red t h a n ever before a n d h ave fewe r o p port u n i t i es t o t h i n k deeply a bo u t t h e preco ncept i o n s a n d views w e a re a p p l y i n g to experi ence. L i fe i s far m o re c o m p l ex t h a n i t was eve n a few gen era t i o n s ago . O u r l i ves u n f o l d i n t h e m i d st o f d i st ract i o n s a n d st i m u l a t i o n s; fro m e a r l y c h i l d h ood, o u r n a t u ra l affi n i ty f o r concentra t i o n , w h i c h i s t h e fi e l d of c rea t i v i ty a n d i n s p i ra t i o n , h as b e e n frag men ted by a d e l u ge of sensory i m p ress i o n s a n d cont i n u a l act i v i ty. We h ave never l earned t h e j oy of i n ner freed o m t h at can a r i se when t h e m i n d i s n a t u r a l l y c a l m a n d concen t rated; we have no rea l u nd ers t an d i n g of how t o pro tect o u r mental c l a r i ty. S u rro u n d ed b y t h e world o f o u r ex perience, we a re bo u n d to w h a t we know. W i t h i n i ts co n f i n es, o u r way of k n ow i n g i s s i m p l y w h a t i t i s ; ac cord i n g to t h e l o g i c of our c o n d i t i o n i n g, t h e re can not be other poss i b i l i t i es- th i s is t h e w ay t h i n gs are. Be l i ev i n g that we h ave n o o t h e r way of perc e i v i n g or know i n g may t h erefo re s e e m e n t i re l y n a t u ra l . Carry i n g t h i s v i ew t o i ts n a t u ra l co n c l u s i o n , however, leads to d i m i n i s h i ng o p po rt u n i t i es for c reat ive acti o n . The more strongly w e be l i eve t h a t w e h ave no a l ternat ives, t h at 'we a re w h at w e a re', t h e less confi dent we beco me that we can c h ange our l i ves for the better; our weakened effo rts a re nearly predes-

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t i n ed to fa i l . I n t u rn , fa i l u re veri fi es that we were right to d o u bt our c h a nces for s uccess, u n derm i n i ng our c o n fidence sti l l more. Convi nced that we are u n able to c o n trol t h e l a rger f o rces t h at a ffect o u r l i ves, we may d i rect o u r n eed for contro l toward o u r m ates, o u r c h i l d re n , even o u r own bod i es, s h u tt i n g down more open, spo n t a n e o u s respo nses and constr i c t i n g o u r f i e l d of act i o n even f u rt h er. As o u r world s h ri n ks a n d c l o ses down in i ncreasi ng d a r k n ess, we may c o m e to see o n l y two a l ternat ives: to re bel aga i n st o p p ress ive i n fl u ences o r to draw i n wa rd s . W h at real c h o ices a re t h ese? Loc k i n g o u r selves i n to a v i ew that we h ave n o freed o m of c h o i ce, we deprive ou rse l ves of h ope and p roceed i n exorably to sel f-destru c t i o n . If o u r m e n t a l freed om co n t i n u es to co n st ri ct, w h at m ot ivat i o n have we to co n t i n u e l iv i n g ? loss o f freed o m sets the stage for i n d iv i d u a l and soc i a l s u i c i d e; even l arge-scal e destructive ac t i ons, such as n u c lear war, cou ld possi bly occur.

\\I:\fl e can n o t p retend that a lternat ive so u rces of \J\J k n o w l edge a re a l ready ava i l ab l e to us, or that a l t ernative a p p roaches to ed ucat i o n a l ready ex i st i n o u r c u l t u re a n d soci ety. I f w e l o o k c losely a t su gges t i o n s that a re i n ten d ed as a l t ernatives, we w i l l see t h at t h ey fo l l ow fam i l i a r pattern s a n d a re u n l i kely to l ead to a n yt h i n g t ru l y new. Even ed ucat i o n a l i d eas t h at a re based on a w i d e r v i s i o n of h u m an poten t i a l d o not beg i n t o tap t h e fu l l resou rces of the h u man body a n d m i nd . I f n o n ew a l te rn a t i ve s to k n o w l edge seem t o be ava i l a b l e , a n d if we ca n not solve o u r p ro b l e m s , we a re

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faced w i t h t h e l i m i ts of w h a t we k n ow. A l t h o u g h i t may seem d i ffi c u l t a t fi rst t o l o o k h o n e s t l y a t what we do not k n ow, t h i s is t h e bas i s of n ew i n q u i ry and new poss i b i l i t i e s . W e know w e d o n o t k n ow o u r past: W e d o n o t u n dersta n d w h ere w e came fro m , t h e o r i g i n s of o u r genes, t h e sou rces o f o u r h u m a n e n e rgy. W e d o n o t k n ow h ow t h o u g h t s a n d e m o t i o n s ari se; we d o n o t k now h o w n egat ive patterns take sh ape; we h ave o n l y beg u n to i n vest i gate t h e i n t erre l a t i o n s h i p of m i n d a n d body; w e do not k n ow h ow to t a p t h e reso u rces of our mental energy a n d s u st a i n co n ce n t rat i o n beyo nd a short peri od of t i m e. We do n o t k n ow our f u t u re : We cannot te l l w h a t w i l l h appen to u s i n t h e n ext y e a r o r i n t h e n ext h o u r; abo u t o u r death and i ts s i g n i fi cance we k n ow n ext to not h i n g. W h a t w i l l h a p pe n to t h e fo u r b i l l i o n peo p l e now l iv i n g o n t h i s eart h ? O u r dest i n y i s l i ke a b l a n k . I n t h e pres e n t we a re occ u p i ed w i t h d o i n g what w e h ave l earned to do-to c o n s i d er o u rselves separate fro m the w o r l d , fro m oth ers, even from o u r own deepe s t fee l i ngs; t o b e concerned w i t h i m ages and i n terpreta t i o n s and the act i o n s t h ey g ive ri se to; to be emoti o n a l a n d t o seek h a pp i n ess in e m o t i o n a l h i ghs t h at w e ca n n o t m a i n t a i n ; to be a l w ays d o i n g , although o u r act i o n s d o n o t sati sfy u s f o r l o n g ; to be solv i n g p ro b l e m s; to fee l l o st a n d h e l p l ess when l i fe seems to go aga i n st u s; to be c o n f u sed a n d fru st rated . Loo k i n g c l osely at w h a t we d o n ot k n ow can m ake u s feel u n easy and u n co m fo rta b l e. We can of c o u rse t u rn away and con t i n u e to l i ve as we h ave l earned how to l ive, g o i n g fro m day to d ay, d o i n g al l t h e t h i n gs

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we know how to do. B u t l iv i n g l i ke t h i s is l i ke l iv i n g o n t h e su rface of o u r l ives. H oweve r fam i l i a r o u r s u r ro u n d i n gs a n d acti v i t i es, t he re m ay come a t i me w h e n we bec o m e aware of fee l i n g u nc e rta i n and u ncon nected . Our l i ves may seem to be su spended, as if we were wa i t i n g for someth i n g to happen , a l t h o u g h we d o n o t q u i t e k now what. W i t h o u t deeper k n o w l edge, we c a n n o t k n ow what we stand for in l i fe, w h o we a re, and w h e re we are go i n g. We do not l i ke to acknow l edge t h a t we need g reater w i sd o m , b u t w h e n we look a rou nd us, t h e tears w e s e e b e a r w i t n es s to w h a t w e do not k n ow. I f we co u ld co l lect a l l the tears wept by a l l t h e people a l ive in the world today, how l a rg e a vessel w o u l d we n eed to conta i n t h e m ? Our tears bear w i t ness to our s u ffer i n g. We may be l i eve that t h e m o re we s u ffer, t h e m o re we k now, b u t w h a t do we rea l l y l earn from o u r m i se ry? Do we learn e n o u g h to free ou rsel ves fro m s u fferi n g ? G en u i n e s u ffer i n g can t o u c h o u r hearts honestly to s h ow u s our n eed fo r g reater k n ow l edge. B u t in o rd e r to benefi t fro m i ts i n st ruct i o n , we need to look beyo n d pa i n f u l experi e nces a n d tran sform t h e pat t e r n s that cau sed t h e m . Of w h a t va l u e is o u r p resent e d u cat ion- i n t h e l a rgest sen se- i f i t does not teach u s how to do t h i s ? If it does not teach u s to be free of s u fferi ng a n d pa i n ?

If.0 t r u l y com p re h e n si ve h u m a n education wo u ld be !r-0:. based o n a t h o ro u g h i n vesti ga t i o n of t h e work i n gs of our c o n sc i o u s n ess. It w o u l d i nvo l ve study of a l l a spects of c o n s c i o u s n ess, i n c l u d i n g o u r pred i s po s i t i o n s and the n a t u re of our cond i t i o n i n g, so we

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cou l d sort o u t t h e l ayers of co n f u s i o n t h a t h ave accu m u l ated d u r i n g t h e stages of o u r d eve l o p m e n t . T o rid o u rselves of p reten se, w e wo u l d need t o i n tegrate t h e face w e p resent to t h e world w i t h o u r real fee l i ngs; we wo u l d n e e d to learn h ow to resolve i n n er c o n fl icts between what we a re a n d what we feel we shou ld be. We wo u l d a l so need to u n d erstand how t h e ego m a n i fests, the o r i g i n a n d nat u re of desi res and e m o t i o n s , a n d how a l l o f t h ese fac t o rs i n fl u e nc e o u r j udgment. W e w o u l d n eed to u n d ersta n d t h e n a t u re of re laxa t i o n and c o n c e n t rat i o n and l earn to protect o u rselves fro m nega t i v i ty. I d ea l ly, we wou l d ga i n a so u n d fou n d at i o n fo r self-u n d e rst a n d i n g as part o f o u r early ed ucat i o n , befo re negative patterns were d eeply en trenched. I t m i g h t eve n t u a l l y beco m e poss i b l e to revi ew o u r approach to educat i o n a n d to d eve l o p m et h o d s o f orient i n g o u r c h i l d ren to a far m o re pos i t ive v i ew o f t h e m selves, free i n g t h e m from t h e pa i n of separat i o n , anx iety, a n d g u i l t . F u t u re genera t i o n s m ay have to cope with an i n c reas i n g l y t ro u b l ed world and w i l l need, even m o re than we do, a po s i t i ve v i s i o n for soci ety and for h u man ity, as we l l as the confidence and i n s p i ration t o bri n g t h i s v i s i o n i n to be i n g . T o h e l p t h e m e n d t h e pro b l e m s we h ave n o t resolved i n o u r o w n t i me, w e c a n g ive t h e m t h e g i ft of k n o w l edge t h a t w i l l lead to h a p p i ness a n d secu r i ty i n t h e i rs. A l t h o u g h it i s fa r m o re d iffi c u l t to c h a n g e negat ive patterns l ater i n l i fe, i t i s i m po rt a n t for u s to m a k e t h i s effo rt n ow, both for o u r own sa ke a n d f o r t h e sake of others in the fut u re. W h a t ever we d i scover in l oo k i n g i n to our own hearts a n d m i n d s co u l d have a powerfu l u p l i f t i n g i n fl u ence o n o u r ch i l d re n , o u r

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friends, a n d o u r soc i et i es. H oweve r d i s ta n t t h e goa l , a l l j o u r n eys beg i n w i t h a s i n g l e step. I n l e t t i n g g o o u r bel i ef t h a t s u ff e r i n g i s a necessary part o f h u m an l i fe, we can take a few steps forward, ea s i n g pa i n in o u r t i me and c reat i n g t h e poten t i a l f o r e l i m i n a t i n g i t com p letely in the f u t u re. Even in asking o u rse lves i f th ere a re other possi b i l i t i es, w e t a ke a broad e r v i ew o f o u r si t u a t i o n ; we can stop, look, and refl ect before com m i tt i n g o u rselves m o re fu l l y to o u r fam i l i a r ways of k n o w i n g . Recog n i z i n g t h a t , d e s p i t e t h e events t h at p rovoke f r u s t ration o r pa i n , i t i s w i t h i n our own m i n d s a n d hearts t h at s u ffer i n g takes p l ace, we can beg i n to a ssess o u r i n ner resou rces and l earn to t r u st them in a new way. We can resto re pos i t ive fee l i ngs a n d sta b i l i ze o u rselves i n h a p p i ness, n ot b y avo i d i n g pa i n , b u t b y pass i ng th ro u g h i t . See i n g h ow o u r m i nd s i n teract w i t h p h y s i c a l a n d e m o t i o n a l pa i n , we can tra i n t h em i n m o re h e a l t h y patt e r n s o f respo n se. I f w e l i sten more atte n t ive l y to o u r t h o ughts, o u r fee l i ngs, and o u r b od i l y s e n sat i o n s, we c a n re l i eve t h e ten s i o n a n d a n x i ety of eve ryd ay l i fe and beg i n a process of self ed u c a t i o n . The m o t i va t i o n f o r s e l f - k nowledge ari ses from w i t h i n , a s a gen u i ne response to our d eepest needs. It u n fo l d s as an i n n e r exp l o rat i o n t h at ga i n s m o m e n t u m as we o b serve o u r patterns, see h ow t h ey formed, and u n derstand h ow t h ey a ffect the q u a l i ty of our l i ves. W h i l e o t h e rs m i g h t o ffer advi ce or po i n t to new poss i b i l i t i es, the spec i fi c fo r m s of o u r pattern i ng are u n i q u e l y o u r ow n , a n d o n ly we can track t h e m to thei r s o u rce. We h ave n o p reced e n t for t h i s i n ne r ex plora tion, but t h i s is to our adva n t age: We d o not k n ow w h at to expect.

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I n t h i s i n ner j o u rney, th ere a re no r i g h t a n swers a n d n o wro n g a n swers- o n l y t h e u n fo l d i n g of l ayers o f mea n i n g t h a t can l ead u s ever m o re deeply i n to sel f-u n d ersta n d i n g . Q u e s t i o n i n g a l l o u r m ost b a s i c ass u m p t i o n s a b o u t w h o a n d w h a t we a re, a n d a l l ow i n g o u rsel ves t o l i sten objectively t o t h e a n swers t h a t a r i se i n o u r m i n d s , we can hear i n o u r own t h o u ghts t h e respo nses t h a t l i m i t u s , u n derm i n e o u r c o n f i d e nce, and defi ne o u rselves and our poss i b i l i t i es. I f we a re w i l l i n g a n d recept i ve to our own k n ow i n g , w e c a n t ra i n ou rselves t o s e e t h rough t h e f a l se a s s u m pt i o n s that acc u m u l ated d u ri ng t h e stages of o u r cond i t i o n i n g, j u st as w e cou l d l earn to s e e t h ro u g h f a l se logic o r decept i o n s i m po sed u po n u s b y o t h e rs. We can m a ke friends with the k n o w i n g s i d e of o u r consc i o u s n es s a n d learn t o u se o u r m i nd s as i n stru m e n t s fo r strengt h e n i n g our awareness; even t u a l l y t h e losers w i l l b e co n f u s i o n a n d pa i n . G rowi n g m o re c l ea r w i t h each i n s i g h t , t h e i n q u i ri n g m i n d c a n i l l u m i n a te i ts own patter n i n g a n d c l a r i fy c o n f u s i o n , t h e breed i n g gro u n d o f n egat i v i t i es. U n dersta n d i n g our own m i n d s a l lows u s to n o u ri s h o u r i n ne r b e i n g w i t h h o n esty a n d h u m i l i ty, a t t u n i ng o u rselves to a f u n d a m e n t a l sense of beauty a n d o rd e r t h a t u p l i ft s t h e q u a l i t y of o u r l i ves. I n s p i ra t i o n sh i n es t h rough o u r hearts, m ov i n g u s to s h a re w h a t we l earn with oth ers who need h e l p. In this way we c a n c reate the fo u n d a t i o n fo r a t r u l y h u m a n i s t i c ed u c a t i o n based on a n u n d e rst a n d i n g t h at can h e a l p a i n a n d c o n f u s i o n , a n d re move a l l obstac l es to h a r m o n y a n d u n i versal prosperi ty. T h i s k n owledge wo u l d benefit genera t i o n s t o come, su pport i n g t h e i r efforts t o c reate a s u ccessfu l l i fe freed fro m a l l m a n i festa t i o n s of s u fferi n g .

19

Layers o f Co n d i t i o n i n g

Now we have an adult consciousness, capable of sorting through the layers of confusion accumulated during our growth and conditioning.

rc:; a c h of u s i s a u n i q u e i n d i v i d u a l , w i t h specific U; c h a racte r i st i cs res u l t i n g from a com b i n a t i o n of factors: o u r i n bo rn pred i s pos i t i o n s, t h e i n fl u ences of o u r pare n t s , f r i e n d s , a n d c u l t u ra l backgro u nd , a n d t h e spec i fi c c i rc u m sta nces of o u r u pb r i n g i n g . Yet w e a l so s h a re a co m m o n pattern of p h ys i c a l , m e n t a l , and e m ot i o n a l deve l o p m e n t , w h i c h ta kes p l ace as o u r i n fo r m a l a n d fo r m a l ed u c a t i o n prepares u s to l i ve i n o u r soc i ety. M a ny of the d iverse i n fl u en ces in our d eve lopment a re rooted in a past t h a t we can not fu l l y k n ow or u n d e rsta n d . Yet t h ese factors co n d i t i on t h e way vye l ea rn to t h i n k , i n t e rpret, a n d act u pon o u r expe ri ence; t h ey deter m i n e the way we v i ew o u rse lves and everyt h i ng in o u r s u rro u n d i n gs. Wh i l e we may feel free w i t h i n t h e b o u n d a r i es of o u r cond i t i o n i n g, we are u n a b l e to see t h e n a t u re of i t s l i m i t a t i o n s, and t h u s

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are caugh t i n repet i t i o n s o f n eg a t ive pattern s we have not learned to q u e st i o n . See i n g how these patterns were con s t ructed, a n d refl ec t i n g on how t h ey i n fl u en ced o u r deve l o p m e n t , w e c a n ga i n g reater u n d e r sta n d i n g of t h e i r root s . W h a t we learn we c a n then apply in o u r l ives to c l a r i fy a reas of co n f u s i o n t h at l i m i t o u r g rowth a n d c a u se u s n eed l es s pa i n . I t i s pos s i b l e t o l oo k back u po n o u r l i ves, see i n g i m ages o f ou rselves as w e were at d i ffere n t stages. These i m ages may come i n to foc u s a s if seen t h ro u g h a te lescope fro m a g reat d i st a n c e : perh a p s fu zzy i m ages when we were very you n g and c l earer i m p res sions of o u rse lves a t l ater ages. If we loo k c l osely at t h ese i m ages, we m ay be a b l e to d raw out m e m o ries of how we were a n d how we fe l t a t d i ffere n t ages. G row t h to m a t u ri ty i nvo l ves a series of stages, each of w h i c h is nearly a world in i t sel f, d e m a rcated by c h a n ges i n perspect ive and i n terests. A l t h o u g h o u r experience i s cont i n u o u s, t h ese c h a nges m a ke eac h stage a l most a st ra nger to t h e o n e befo re i t . Each stage i s vu l n era b l e to spec i fi c k i n d s of c o n f u s i o n that i n fl uence t h e way w e v i ew ou rsel ves a n d o t h ers. A s o u r wor l d broad e n s a n d beco m es m o re c o m p l ex, u n re so lved confu s i o n s tend to accu m u l ate. Movi ng t h ro u g h t h ese stages, we p a rt i c i pate i n t h ree wo r l d s s i m u l ta n eo u s l y : o u r own rea l m o f fee l i n gs, t h o u g h t s, a n d e m ot i o n s , t h e rea l m o f parents a n d other ad u l t s, a n d t h e rea l m of s i b l i n gs a n d f r i e n d s . T h e i n fl u ence exerted u p o n u s b y each rea l m c h a n ges as we grow to m a t u r i ty, so t h a t we m u st c o n t i n u a l ly re i n terpret a n d rei n tegrate i m press i o n s po u r i n g i n to us fro m all t h ree d i rec t i o n s .

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Between each period of g rowth t h ere i s a certa i n s pace, a l most l i ke a g a p between genera t io n s . A t t h ese t i m es o u r bod i e s a n d m i n d s a re u n de rgo i n g s i g n ifica n t c h a nges- t h e v i ews a n d patterns o f behavior appro p r i ate to one stage a re d ropp i n g away, and o u r con s c i o u s n es s i s wak i n g up to a w i d e r v i ew of o u rselves a n d o u r s u rro u n d i ngs. T h ese pau ses are n a t u ra l op port u n i t i es to set a s i d e o u tworn res pon ses and pre p a re o u rselves m e n ta l l y a n d e m ot i o n a l l y fo r entering the n ext stage. In today's modern soc i e t i es, t h ese pau ses a re barely n o t i ce d . From an early age, we a re p ressu red to move q u ic k ly towa rd s ad u l thood. O u r ow n eagerness to g row u p i n te n s i fi es t h e pressu res t h a t sweep u s from o n e stage to a n o t h e r . U n a b l e to deve l o p accord i n g to o u r own i n n e r t i m i n g, we a re l i ke l y to experience tra n s i t i o n periods as sudden transfo r m a t i o n s . No soo n e r h ave we g rown c o m fo rt a b l e with t h e v i ews and b e h a v i o rs of o n e period of deve l o p m e n t t h a n we are swept i n to t h e n ext. W h i l e we t h i n k we h ave ' o u tgrow n ' the respo n ses a n d i n terest s of a p rev i o u s stage, we ca rry u n resolved c o n f u s i o n s f ro m o n e stage to a n o t h er. T h i s i s most true of n eg a t i ve fee l i n g s and t h o u g h ts we h ave h ad n o opport u n i ty to u n d e rstand o r transfo r m . M i su nd er sta n d i n gs a n d fee l i n g s we h ave h ad to repress or h ave n ever fo u n d wo rd s to express affect each stage o f g row t h . U n recogn i zed a n d u n a d d ressed , t h ese con fu s i o n s lay t h e fo u n d a t i o n fo r nega t i ve views and e m ot i o n a l p a i n t h a t m ay stay w i t h u s l i ke a s h adow t h ro u g h o u t o u r l ives.

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\\1:\17 e pass t h ro u g h at l e ast n i n e stages befo re \]\J rea c h i n g m a t u rity. A l t h o u g h o u r i n n er t i m i n g may vary, th ese stages a re u s u a l ly fro m b i r t h to ei gh teen m o n t h s ; e i g h teen m o n t h s to t h ree years; t h ree to five; five to t e n ; ten to twe lve; twelve to s i xtee n ; s i xteen to e i g h tee n ; e i g h teen to twen ty; a n d twe n t y t o twe n ty-th ree. A l t h o u g h i n o u r twe n t i e s w e a re c l early ad u l t s, even m o re t i m e m ay p a s s befo re we are fu l ly prepa red to t a ke o u r p l ace i n t h e m a i n st re a m of soc i ety. Between b i rt h to e i g h teen m o n t h s, our m i n d s a re a n open rece ptacle for w h a tever i m press i o n s touch o u r sen ses- vo i ces, s u d d e n n o i ses, h o t a n d co l d , warm sk i n , open space. Sh apes a n d f o r m s a p pear before u s , n ow sta b l e, now m ov i n g s l ow l y , now movi ng too fast for u s to fo l l ow. O u r sen ses a re act ive, our m i nd s d evel o p i n g t h e i r ru d i m en t a ry patt e rn i n gs. Parental e m o t i o n s and worri e s for our we l fa re s u r ro u n d u s . I n vo lved i n o u r ow n wo rld, b u t u n a b l e to d i s t i n g u i s h be tween ou rse l ves and o u r p a re n ts, we u ncri t i c a l ly absorb wh a tever our envi ro n m e n t p re sents to us. G rad u a l ly, we e m e rge fro m a state of c o m p l ete h e l p l essness. F rom ei gh teen m o n t h s to t h ree yea rs, we a re m o re aware of o u rselves as i n d i v i d u a l s, separate from parents and other c h i l d re n . At t h i s age, we learn t hat we can d o t h i ngs a n d t h a t a d u I t s w i l l respo n d , yet o u r behav i o r somet i m es b r i n gs u s t h e opposite of w h a t we wan t . A l tern ate l y rej ected a n d rewarded for o u r behavior, n o t rea l l y u n dersta n d i n g t h e con n ec t i o n between w h a t we do a n d w h at fo l l ows, w e sh i ft bac k a n d fo rth between c u r i o s i ty a n d a n x i ety. We h ave

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d iffi c u l ty i n see i n g t h e w h o l e con text of o u r experi ence. O u r d eve l o p i n g sense of i nd iv i d u a l i ty i m pe l s u s to assert o u rselves a n d say n o , a n d we d i scover that we c a n s o m e h ow 'con t ro l ' w h a t h appens t h ro u gh lan g u age, though t h e fu l l s i g n i fi c a n ce o f t h i s escapes us. Wh i l e strugg l i n g to m a k e sense of our expe rience, we m i x up w h at h a p p e n s o u t s i d e us w i t h o u r own fee l i n g s : We a re at once separate a n d yet not separate. In t h e m i d st of t h i s co n f u s i o n , we a re a l ready ab sorb i n g and experi m e n t i n g w i t h t h e l i n g u i s t i c patterns t h a t w i l l determ i n e the form and o rga n i z a t i o n of o u r t h o ugh ts. Whatever we experience a n d l earn , i n c l u d i ng t h e l a n g u age t h at co n n ects o u r m e n t a l i m agery with word s , re i n forces t h e sense of a separate se l f and i s i n corporated i n to o u r c h i l d h ood perso n a l i ty . Between t h ree a n d f i v e years, o u r i n terac t i o n s w i t h o u r p a re n t s s e t t h e i n it i a l g u i d e l i n e s for o u r v a l u es a n d behavior. O bserv i n g o u r s u rro u nd i n gs w i t h great c u r i o s i ty, we learn to re l ate to what we see t h rough p l ay. We a re the c e n t e r of our worl d . O u r behavior s h i fts q u i c k l y as we vac i l l ate between feel i n gs of s e l f- i m portance and the a n x i ety of i n sec u ri ty. As we l ea rn to beco m e m o re i n d ependent and ' separate', fea rs of separa t i o n i n te n s i fy and d i vers i fy i n to fear of d esert i o n , fears of beco m i n g l o s t , and u n n a med fears t h at come i n t h e d a r k . Fears fo r o u r safety a re conveyed to u s, t h o u g h we do not q u i te u nderstand t h e m . Co n fu s i o n prod uced f ro m a l l of t h ese fea rs evokes self-d o u b ts and fee l i n gs of i n adeq u acy t h a t l ay the fo u n d a t i o n for j e a l o u sy a n d s i b l i n g rival ry. Com m u n i c a t i o n is a m i xt u re of new-fo u n d words t h a t co nvey t h e m ea n i n g s of s i m p l e concepts and t h e ' ba by' l a n g u age that we tend t o fa l l b a c k on i n

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convey i n g o u r fee l i n gs. B u t o u r co m m u n i c a t i o n i s often i n effect ive. O u r exper i e n c e o f t h e world d i ff ers from t h at of ad u l t s, a n d o u r words m ay h ave shades of mean i n g u n known to t h e m . T h u s we c a n n ever fu l l y express o u rse lves o r fee l c o m p l et e l y u n d erstood . We a re u sed to co nvey i n g fee l i n g s w i t h o u t word s a n d a re a t t u ned to t h e fee l i ngs of o u r parents; i f t h ey a re a n g ry or u pset we somehow fee l i t , even i f t h e face p resented to u s is s m i l i n g and the word s a re ca l m . Co n fl i c t i n g s i g n a l s m a y be c o n f u s i n g , even d ee p l y d i st u rb i n g , for we h ave no way to u n d e rstand w h i c h s i g n a l to b e l i eve. Between five and ten years of age, o u r world ex pands, u s u a l l y to i n c l u d e teac h e rs, schoo l , a n d l a rge n u m bers of other c h i l d re n . We experi e n c e n ew p res s u res to soc i a l ize and conform to the expectat i o n s of o t h ers; we h ave to cope with a whole new co m p l ex of fee l i ngs. M o re sel f-consc i o u s, h a v i n g to reco n c i le our sel f-assert iveness w i t h the need to f i t i n to a g ro u p, we beg i n to look at oth ers d i fferen t l y, c o m pari n g physical c h a racterist i c s, possess i o n s , a n d s k i l l s . Awa re t h a t oth ers a re not i c i n g u s a l s o , we wo rry a bout b e i n g accepted. W h e n o t h ers a re c r i t i c a l of u s, we fee l i n adequ ate a n d a l o n e . Faced w i t h t h e need to protect ou rse lve s fro m rid ic u l e or i s o l a t i o n , we m ay learn to fi g h t back- o r assert o u r p l ac e by b u l l y i n g o thers. W e l e a rn t o h i de o u r feel i ngs, a n d deve l o p new vers i o n s of m a n i p u l a t ive patterns we bega n w i t h o u r parents. As i f we were m a steri n g t h e ru l es of a com p l ex ga m e, we l ea r n responses t h a t w i l l ga i n u s a pp roval or recogn i t i o n a n d m i n i m i z e d i st ress or f r u s t ra t i o n . B y t h i s t i m e w e a re c o m fort a b l e w i t h l a n g u age, b u t fi nd t h a t t h e word s w e u se s t i l l do n o t co m m u n i cate what we m ea n . O u r i m ages a n d l a n g u age beco m e

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t a n g l ed as we t ry to express o u rse l ves, a n d a d u l t s correct u s c o n t i n u a l l y. A lt h o u g h o u r perc e p t i o n s and fee l i ngs m ay n o t fi t the words we a re g iven, we h ave to somehow l ea r n to m a ke t h e m d o . For a t i m e we m ay feel as i f we were l iv i n g i n two d i ffere n t worlds, a wo rld of private m ea n i n g and a world of l a n g u age we use for oth ers. T h e gap between m ea n i n g and accepted ways of expres s i n g o u rsel ves g rows l a rger as we m ove c l oser to t h e a d u l t w o r l d ; we tend to l ose t o u c h w i t h t h e m ea n i n g a n d w o n d er we o nc e took for gran ted i n o u r experien ce, a n d beco m e mo re c lo sed to t h e fee l i n g s w h i c h we c a n not express i n ways t h a t are m ea n i n gf u l to u s . F ro m t h e ages of t e n t o twelve, st i l l sh i e l d ed from a d u l t respo n s i b i l i t i es, we project ou rse lves i n to t h e ad u l t wo r l d , i m ag i n i n g ou rsel ves i n vari o u s ro l es. We m a y wo n d e r how o u r pare n t s c a n lead s u c h bori ng l ives- t h e t h i n gs we want to do a re m u ch more i n teres t i n g . G rad u a l l y we a re beco m i n g aware of ou rse l ves as i n d i v i d u a l s in a new way; we are beco m ing ' s e l f' c o n sc i o u s . S o m e h ow t h i s new awareness of o u rse l ves prod uces d i stu rb i n g u n certa i n t i es, and we fee l a s t ronger n eed to f i n d ways in w h i c h we can excel and bo l ster o u r sel f-confide nce. As we try to develop w h a tever t a l e n t s we m ay h ave, our goa l s beco m e more dynam ic, strongly i n fu sed w i t h i d ea l s and i m pressions g a t h e red from m a n y sou rces. At t h e same t i me, we d i scover t h a t o u r s k i l l s a n d 'wo r t h ' are c losely re l ated , a n d that b o t h depend u po n how we ' m e a s u re u p' to t h e stand ards set fo r u s . Meet i n g t h ese sta n d a rds may req u i re us to h i d e sel f-d o u bts and fee l i n gs of i n ade q u acy even deeper a n d to st rive h a rder for ap prova l . Awa re of o u r u n certa i n t i es about w h o w e a re, we beg i n to t h i n k about o u rselves i n ways we never d i d

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when we were yo u n ger. W h e n we look b a c k a t o u r you nger selves, we m ay feel w e a re a c o m p l et e l y d i ffere n t person th a n we were at e i g h t o r n i n e . W h e n w e l o o k a h e a d , we m a y i m ag i n e w h at i t w i l l b e l i ke to be a teen ager, b u t we do not k n o w how t h i s m eta morphos i s w i l l t a ke p l ace. S o m e h ow w e m u st fi n d o u r perso n a l i ty o r c reate i t- we do not know w h i c h . We beg i n t ry i n g o n d i ffere n t b e h av i o rs, d i ffer e n t c l ot h es, even d i fferent fee l i ngs. H ow d o we d e c i d e w h i c h i s r i g h t, w h i c h i s ' u s ' ? W e a re n o t s u re. Between twelve a n d s i xteen years, our bod i e s and emot i o n s u n d e rgo ra p i d c h a nges t h at propel u s i n to n ew soc i a l i n te rac t i o n s. Soc i a l g u i d e l i n e s are d rawn that d i d not exi st before. Even i f we do n o t l i ke t h e m , t h ey a re there; we c a n not escape t h e m . T h e ad u l t wor l d beg i n s t o i n t ru d e m o re i n s i st e n t ly; o u r re l a t i o n s h i p w i t h o u r paren ts c h a nges, a n d pressu res fro m teachers a n d f r i e n d s i n c rease. A ro u n d t h e age of fou rtee n , we fi nd o u r earl i e r i m ages and p l a n s for o u r l ives ch a l l e n ged b y m o re so l i d rea l i t i es, m a d e m o re confu s i ng by o u r own s h i f t i n g e m o t i o n s a n d d es i res. O l d fears resu rface, and we may become acutely aware of dou bts a n d i n adeq u ac i es; we c a n not fu l l y accept what is h a p pe n i n g to us, but we c a n n o t express o u r feel i n g s w i t h o u t expo s i ng o u r u nc e rt a i n t i es. N eed for acceptance by the g ro u p e n co u rages us to concea l our i n secu rity b e n eath a rt i fi c i a l l y assu m ed perso n a l i ty tra i ts; pretense bec o m es a way of l i fe. M a i n t a i n i n g a confident a ppeara n c e keeps us o n the defe n s ive a n d i n vo l ves u s in self- d ecep t i o n s that become m o re c o n c rete as we g row m o re expe rt at concea l m e n t . We c a n h i d e even fro m o u rselves, sea l i n g off o u r h u rts and i n sec u ri t y beh i n d a s h ow of sel f-co n fi d ence.

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T h e m o re i n se c u re a n d i s o l ated we fee l , t h e more eas i l y we fa l l i n to negat ive patterns t h a t p rotect o u r sel f - i m age, b u t s o w t h e seed s f o r l a ter p ro b l e m s . Repressed , n egat ive fee l i ngs g row stron ger. I n one respect t h ey grow d i ff u se a n d watery, b u bb l i n g up as emotions w h e n we a re t h rown o ff b a l ance. H i dden below o u r co n sc i o u s awaren ess, t h ey beco me h a rd a n d k n i fe-ed ged , s u rfac i n g i n s h a rp words o r a c t i o n s t h a t catch o t h e rs off g u ard. W h e n we are u pset, we m a y fee l t h e sh arpness of our negat i v i ty l i ke a ' st a b in t h e heart'. T h i s s h a rpness m ay flash out a t oth ers errat i ca l l y o r t u rn aga i n s t us when we are tormen ted by self-d o u bts and g u i l t . We h u rt oth ers a n d o t h e rs h u rt u s , often i n i n d i rect ways we c a n n o t open u p a n d reso lve. T h i s q u a l i ty erod es t r u s t and u n derm i n es even t h e c l osest f r i e n d s h i ps. I f we do n o t work o u t t h ese fee l i n gs, t h ey c a n l ater e rode even l o n g-sta n d i ng m a rri ages between lovi n g cou ples. A t a very deep l eve l , t h ese nega t i v i t i es m a ke i t i m poss i b l e for u s t o rea l ly tru st o u r own t h o u g h t s and fee l i n g s . If t h ey g row strong enough, we c a n lose our d rive a n d i n i t i a t i ve, a n d cease caring what h a ppens to u s or how o u r a t t i t u d e s are a ffect i ng o t h ers. U n reso lved n ega t i v i ty is fu rt h e r concea l ed u n der pos i t i ve q u a l i t i e s c o p i ed fro m t h ose we ad m i re. We l earn to present o u rselves to o t h ers as we want t h e m to see u s . A l t h o u gh we m ay learn fro m o u r experien ces a n d grow i n to t h e se pos i t i ve q u a l i t i e s, fee l i n gs of i n adeq u acy and s e l f- d o u b t stay w i t h u s and can s u rface u n der pro l o nged worry or s t ress. O bserving our p a rents o r oth e r a d u l t s , we m ay copy fo r m s of p rotect i o n t h at seem so p h i s t i ca ted a n d effective, and learn to express f r u s trat i o n in sarcas m , h u m o r, or overt

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m a n i p u l a t i o n s . I n t i m e , we deve l o p a ' s i x t h sen se' t h a t forewarns u s when we a re vu l n e ra b l e , so t h a t we can i n s t i nctively respon d to p rotect o u rselves. As we m a t u re, w e m a y f i n d ways o f express i n g negative fee l i n gs more s u b t ly. Aro u n d si xteen to e i g h teen yea rs of age, respo n s i bi l i t i es a n d o b l i ga t i o n s beg i n c l osi n g i n . Yet w e h ave l i tt l e so l i d bas i s or i n n er c o n f i d e n c e to deal w i t h t h e m . W e fee l a n eed fo r i n n e r stren gt h , b u t w h e n w e reach for it, it is not th ere. We a re so u sed to m i s re p resen t i n g ou rselves t h a t w e h ave s o m e h ow beco m e ' u n re a l ' . W e may h ave a fee l i n g t h a t w e ca n no t trust t h i s perso n a l i ty w e h ave c reat e d , b u t t h e n w h o m can w e t r u s t ? C a n w e t ru s t o u r o w n fee l i n gs a n d t h o u g h t s ? We h ave h i dden o u r fee l i n gs, so o u r h ead a n d h e a rt a re d iv i g e d . W e look b u t d o n 't see, h ea r b u t d o n ' t h ea r, fee l b u t don't fee l . H ow c a n we h ave c o n f i d e n c e i n n ew s i t u a t i o n s a n d ta ke o n respo n s i b i l i t i es f o r w h i c h we a re psycholog i ca l ly a n d e m ot i o n a l l y u n prepared ? Arou n d t h e ages of e i g h teen to twenty, we h ave to take fu l l respo n s i b i l i ty for o u r l i ves a n d estab l i s h o u r own m e a n s of l i ve l i hood. We a re now expected to confo rm to sta n dards of a d u l t beh av i o r, b u t we sti l l ca rry w i t h u s m a n y behav i o rs a n d expecta t i o n s a p p ro priate to earl i e r years. We m a y fi n d it h ard e r to get what we w a n t t h a n we h ad expected, or fee l restra i n ed by the d e m a n d s p l ac ed u po n u s . W e fo rce d o w n o u r fears a n d sel f-d o u b t s, a n d slowly s t o p a s k i n g o u rselves q u est i o n s we s e e m to have no way of a n sweri n g . We conso l i d ate o u r per so n a l i ty, i n corporat i n g a l l o u r fea rs and fru s t rat i o n s . What e l se c a n w e d o ? O u r perso n al i ty i s a l l w e h ave

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to re l y o n . Yet new p ressu res he i g h ten o l d i n sec u r i t i es, as i m po rt a n t d ec i s i o n s h ave to be m ad e and acted u po n . F ew of us h ave a nyone we c a n trust to teach us how to sort o u t p ract i c a l fro m i m p ract i c a l hopes, i d ea l s, and d ec i s i o n s about o u r l ives, o r to s h ow us the real n a t u re of o u r deepen i n g patterns of self decept i o n . E n gag i n g t h e p ract i c a l ad u l t w o r l d , w e a re raw be g i n n ers w h o h ave to learn by the pa i n fu l and t i me c o n s u m i ng process of t r i a l and e rror. So we deve lop a p u b l i c i m age that fits our goa l s , i n co rpo rat i n g ways of spea k i ng, d ress i n g, movi n g , t h i n k i ng, and ac t i n g t h a t ot h e rs eq u ate w i t h s u ccess. I f w e l a c k self-co n fi d ence, we a bsorb t h e va l u es a n d et h ic s of ro l e m od e l s as u n c r i t i ca l l y as we once a b so rbed the atti t u d es of o u r p a ren ts. Between t h e ages of twe nty-one a n d twenty- t h ree, we are a d a pt i n g to t h e fu l l rea l i t ies of t h e a d u l t world w h i l e s t i l l a t t e m p t i n g to rea l i ze our d reams. We feel pressu red to ac h i eve and m u st weigh our perso n a l i n terests aga i n st t h ose of fa m i l y o r f r i e n d s . W e h ave to learn to su pport o u rsel ves and deal w i t h a w i der range of peo p l e, conform i n g to t h e o b l i ga t i o n s of career a n d soc i a l ro l e . If we h ave not formed a c l ear v i s i o n of w h a t we wa n t to do, t h i s c a n be a st ressf u l t i m e , a n d w e m ay fi n d o u rselves l o s t i n o u r c h o i c es. I t m ay t a ke a few yea rs fo r us to fi nd a d i rect i o n ; we m ay ch a n ge o u r m i n d s severa l t i m es befo re we com m i t o u rsel ves to a part i c u l a r l i n e of work. Creat i n g a pl ace for o u rselves is a d e m a n d i n g task. W h e t h e r we s u cceed depends upon many factors, i nc l u d i ng o u r a m b i t i o n , d es i res, perso n a l i ty, ed uca-

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t i o n , hea l t h , a n d o t h e r c i rc u m st a n ces over w h i c h we may h ave l i t t l e co n t ro l . We m ay fi n d we h ave to work h arder t h a n we h ad expected to estab l i sh a c o m p re h e n s i ve b a s i s fo r o u r a d u l t l i fe; t h e re is no t i m e for exa m i n i n g the negat ive patte r n s we h ave fa l l e n i n to.

iD) Y the t i m e we a re fu l l y m a t u re, exp e r i e n ced i n W work a n d perso n a l relat i o n s h i ps a n d wel l-adj u sted to o u r p l ace i n soc i ety, t h i rty-five years m ay h ave passed. O u r cond i t i o n i n g is now c o m p lete; we h ave learned how to j u dge a n d eva l u ate our experi e n ces, a n d what to c o n s i d e r d es i ra b l e o r u n d es i ra b l e . The patterns we h ave fo rmed, the w ays we h ave l earned to view o u rselves i n re l a t i o n s h i p to o t h ers, a n d t h e o b l i gat i o n s a n d respon s i b i l i t i es we h ave ass u m ed a re major factors t h a t w i l l determ i n e t he q u a l i ty o f t h e l ast h a l f o f o u r l i fe. The s e l f - i m age that u l t i m at e l y e m e rges from the condi t i o n i n g process i s a c o n f u sed composite c o n ta i n i n g aspects of a l l t h e stages we h ave passed t h ro u g h . W e can see a l i t t l e of t h i s i n ne r c o n f u s i o n w h e n we notice how o u r m i n d s i n d i sc r i m i n a t e l y cast u p m e m o ri es, o l d respon ses, a n d assoc i a t i o n s fro m t h e past. Oft en we h ave n o way of k n ow i n g w h i c h l evel o u r respon ses are co m i n g fro m : t h e m at u re a d u l t , t h e ado l esce n t , o r t h e c h i l d . When cert a i n t h o u g h ts a n d fee l i n g s a r i se, w e m ay react w i t h part i c u l a r e m o t i o n s w i t h o u t k n ow i n g pre c i se l y why ; t h ese respon ses m ay be c o m p l et e l y o u t o f c h a racter, n o t eve n re l eva n t to o u r ad u l t l i ves. Yet such respon ses con t i n u a l l y show t h e m se l ves, project i n g i n sec u ri t i e s and fears that ser i o u sly wea ke n o u r

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i n n e r co n fi d ence. Co n fl ict i n g t h o u g h t s a n d fee l i ngs can paralyze us in i nd ec i s i o n . Or perh a ps t h o ughts from one a s pect of o u r perso n a l i ty su persede another, a n d we h ave ' second t h o u g h ts'. Often th ese a re no bette r t h a n t h e fi rst, a n d we may fi nd o u rselves s w i tc h i n g back a n d fo rt h , u n a b l e to m a k e u p o u r m i nds. Beca u se w e h ave n ever resol ved t h e co n f u s i o n t h a t a l l owed t h ese i n sec u ri t i e s to t a k e root i n o u r l ives, t h ey co n t i n u e to i n fl u ence u s s u b l i m i n a l ly . We may fi nd t h a t o u r m ost d i s t u rb i n g fee l i n gs can be t raced to t h e p a t t e r n s of o u r earl i est d a y s , w h i c h were fo r m ed at a t i m e when we were m ost v u l n era b l e . C h i l d hood fears of separat i o n , s e l f - b l a m e fo r m i s i n terpreted parental t ro u b l es, a n d fee l i n g s of h e l p l essn ess can a l l re m a i n wel l - h i dd e n b u t powe rfu l forces i n o u r l i ves, pred i s pos i n g u s toward a n egative view of o u rse lves. U n t i l we see that s e l f -d o u bts from o u r past and old h u rts h ave no rea l p l ace in o u r l i ves, o u r h o l d on o u r posi tive q u a l i t ie s i s l i ke l y to be t e n u o u s . Without rea l i z i n g what we a re d o i ng, we may h o l d back fro m g i v i n g o u r best efforts w h e n ever we sense t h e poss i b i l i ty o f c ri t i c i s m o r fa i l u re. I t m ay b e very d i ffi c u l t for us to act i nd e p e n d e n t ly, to base our l ives on o u r own v i s i o n a n d i n t egrity. It i s easier to fo l l ow esta b l i s hed patterns. Yet o u r l i ves a re very prec i o u s . C a n w e a fford t o lose m o re va l u a b l e t i m e i n e m o t i o n a l p a i n a n d self-doubts, or r i s k the loss of mot ivat i o n bec a u se of l i m i t a t i o n s we t h i n k we c a n n ot ove rc o m e ? How m u c h u sefu l t i m e a re we l i ke l y to h ave left to u s ? Pos s i b ly, a t t h i rty- five, we h ave t h i rty m o re years of active part i c i pa t i o n in l i fe; after s i xty-five, we c a n n ot p red i c t how l o n g o u r v i ta l i ty

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w i l l l a s t. A th i rd of t h i s t i m e wi l l be expended i n s l eep, which leaves u s twe n ty years; s i n ce we w i l l l i ke l y spend h a lf of o u r w a k i n g l ives fee l i n g a n noyed , frus t rated, bored, o r d e p ressed, we h ave a u t o m at i c a l l y lost another ten years. Even if we c o u l d use the fu l l twen ty years of o u r wa k i n g l i ves prod uct ive l y, we h ave m a n y rou t i n e t a s k s to perform-we n eed to take c a re of o u rselves, o u r hom es, a n d o u r fa m i l i es. Some t i m e w i l l b e s p e n t i n recrea t i o n a n d e n t e rta i n m e n t ; u n p red i c t a b l e eve n t s w i l l a r i s e to d i st ract u s f ro m o u r p u rposes. H o w m u c h tota l t i m e w i l l t h ese a c t i v i t i es t a k e ? Poss i b l y a n other forty perc e n t of our re m a i n i n g t i m e . T h i s l eaves u s a maxi m u m of twelve yea rs to acco m p l i sh o u r goa l s . I f we become i I I , o r a re weighed down by negat ive patterns a n d u n resolved c o n f u s i o n fro m o u r earl i e r d ays, eve n t h ese years c o u l d van i sh i n fru strati o n , b u rn o u t , o r e m ot i o n a l u psets.

II 0 free o u rselves fro m t h ese n egative pattern s, U we c a n t u rn to self-observat i o n , w h i c h c a n be t h e start i n g po i n t o f n ew k n ow l edge. W h e n w e beg i n to observe a l l of o u r experi e n c e fro m a n e u t ra l , b a l a nced viewpo i n t , o u r m i n d s w i l l s h ow us t h e i r patterns, grad u a l l y ope n i n g up l ayer after l ayer of co n f u s i o n t h a t w e c a n reso lve a n d c l a ri fy. F o r t h i s s e l f explorat i o n , we n eed n o spec i a l k n ow l edge: o n l y t h e i n terest a n d c u ri o s i t y t o q u est i o n o u r patterns a n d to be receptive to o u r i n n e r respo n ses. Each d i scovery i nv i t es n ew q u est i o n s, fu r t h e r steps i n a d i rect c o m m u n i cation w i t h o u r m i n d . T h e o n l y h e l p we n eed i s a p a t i e n t m i n d w i l l i n g to look objective l y a n d refl ect on i t s own experi e n ce. Eve n t u a l ly, it w i l l be poss i b l e t o let g o o f a l l fo r m s of s e l f - d o u b t a n d hesitat i o n .

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I n l oo k i n g d i re c t l y at o u r secret fears a n d weak n esses, observ i n g how t h ey affect o u r react i o n s i n s i t u a t i o n s w here w e fee l t h reate ned, i t i s h e l pfu l to rem e m be r t h a t w h at a p pears to o u r con d it i o n ed m i n d s a s n egative m ay prove to be t h e k ey to see i n g t h ro u g h o u r con d i t i o n i n g . O u r prese n t p reference for c e rt a i n k i n d s of expe rience was i n st i l l ed in us wh i l e o u r c o n sc i o u s n ess was l i m i ted a n d i m ma t u re. B u t expe r i e n ce i s not i n h e re n t l y n egat i ve o r posit ive. By revers i ng o u r tendency to reject s i t u at i o n s we view as u n p l ea s a n t, we c a n l earn fro m a l l o u r experi ence. The very perso n s and s i t u a t i o n s t h a t h ave presented p ro b l e m s i n o u r l ives c a n bec o m e catalysts for new k n o w l edge. B e i n g com pass i o n ate and p a t i e n t w i t h ou rselves, we w i l l fi n d w ays to co u n se l o u rsel ves wisely. The patterns t h a t pred i s pose us to pa i n and confu sion are s t ro n g : Perh a ps t h ey w i l l come u po n u s far more i n te n s e l y w h e n we t u rn to fac e t h e m d i rectly. I f we recogn iz e t h a t t h i s h a p p e n s as a n a t u ra l m a n i festa t i o n of rea l g rowth, we c a n protect o u rselves fro m b e i n g e i t h er f r i g h tened o r d i scou raged . We can rem i n d o u rsel ves t h at o u r m i n d s, p a rt i c u l a r l y when we were very y o u n g , were very open to i m p res s i o n s ; deep i m p res s i o n s m a y be ' p rotected' b y fee l i n g tones o f fear t h at h i de ' terri b l e sec rets' f ro m us t h ro u g h o u t o u r l i ves. O u r m i n d s may te l l us t h a t t h ese fears a re too terri fy i n g fo r u s to l oo k u po n ; b u t i f we look w i t h ad u l t eyes at t h e i m ages a n d t h o u g h ts t h a t frigh tened us in o u r c h i l d hood, t h ey w i l l even t u a l l y l ose t h e i r power and d i sa p pear l i ke w i sps of c l o u d in a c l ea r sky. See i n g and a c k n o w l ed g i ng our own negat ive pat terns, w i t h o u t b l a m e or g u i l t , l i bera tes us from t he

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b u rden of p re te n se a n d g ro u nd s u s i n a b a s i c ho n esty that we can trust as a fo u n d a t i o n fo r co n fi d ence a n d rea l growt h . W i t h prac t i ce, w e c a n penetra te t h e roots of tendenc i es t h at c a u se s u fferi n g to o u rse lve s and to o t h ers. We can learn to e n h a n c e t h e q u a l i t i e s t h at s u pport a h ea l thy h u m a n l i fe a n d l e t go o f t h ose t h a t cause u s h a r m .

20

N ew Beg i n n i n g s

With the completion of each cycle, we might sense our lives progressin g in a moving spiral.

� rom o n e perspective, o u r l ives seem to move i n Lr a stra i g h t l i n e . We a re born; we l i ve o u t o u r l i ves o n e d ay after a n o t h e r u n t i l we reac h t h e end of o u r t i m e . W e t h i n k of o u r ow n l i fe as a series of moments s t ru n g togeth e r or as a series of actions pe rfo rmed by someo n e w h o is mov i n g t h ro u g h a corridor o f t i m e . B u t from a n o t h e r perspect ive, t h i s l i n e i s n o t c o n t i n u o u s . T h ere see m t o be g a p s o r spaces at cert a i n po i n ts w h e re n ew beg i n n i n gs are m a d e . W e m i gh t t h i n k of o u r l i ves as p rogress i n g t h ro u g h stages : i n fancy, c h i l d hood, yo u t h , ado lescence, yo u n g ad u l t h o o d , m i d d l e a g e , a n d o l d a g e . E a c h stage i s ma rked by sh i fts t h a t m a n ifest as ch an ges i n o u r bod i es and our se l f aware n ess, in our t h i n k i n g, fee l i n g, l a n g u age a n d i m agery, a n d i n o u r e m o t i o n a l p a t t e r n s . These spaces revea l a cyc l i c a l q u a l i ty to o u r l i ves d i ffere n t fro m o u r o rd i n a ry l i n e a r u n dersta n d i n g . It i s as t h o u g h we h ad come f u l l c i rc l e t h ro u g h one s tage

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a n d were beg i n n i n g aga i n o n a n ew l eve l . Someti m es, in passi n g t h ro u gh these stages, we c a n se n se p h ys i ca l and m e n t a l c h a n ges a l m ost as i f we were u n d e rgo i n g a r i te o f passage. M a n y c u l t u res h ave c o n s i d ered t h e move m e n t fro m o n e stage to a n o t h e r a ' re b i rt h ' i n to a n ew wor l d , a n d h ave m a rked t h ese sh i ft s w i t h r i t u a l a n d cerem ony. F ro m a l i n ear po i n t o f v i ew, w e a re t h e same perso n , b u t o u r way o f experi e n c i n g a n d o u r u n derst a n d i n g s h i ft s so t h a t fro m a n o t h e r perspect ive, o u r view of ou rselves i n relat i o n s h i p to our su rro u n d i n gs c h a nges. W e start over w i t h a n ew o r i e n t at i o n a n d d i scover a d i ffere n t worl d . Acc ustomed to t h i n k i n g of o u r l i fe t i m e as a s i n g l e cont i n u o u s t h read, w e sel d o m dwe l l o n t h e s i g n i f i cance of t h ese s u b t l e beg i n n i n gs a n d e n d i n g s w i t h i n o u r l ives. W e may notice c h a nges i n ou rse lves, o u r c h i l d re n , a n d i n peo p l e a ro u n d u s , b u t t h e deeper mea n i n g of t h ese c h a nges escapes u s . When we a re yo u n g, we a re i m p a t i e n t to g row u p, a n d we w i s h to forget o u r earl ier ways. As we grow o l d er, we m ay rea l i ze that we see t h i n gs d i ffere n t l y t h a n we u sed to . But we may see t h i s as a n i n d i c at i o n t h a t we h ave l earn ed from o u r m a n y l i fe experi e n ces, or we m ay sh rug off t h i s d i ffere nce, say i n g, " I m u st be gett i ng o ld ," as t h o u g h o u r n ewer way of view i n g t h i n gs was a d i stort i o n of t h e worl d , a sign of our d i m i n i sh i n g vigor. Somehow i t i s d i ffi c u l t to bel i eve t h at t h i s o n e person, ' me', c a n rea l ly be so d i ff e re n t . B u t i f we l o o k c l o sely a t t h e va r i o u s ' stages' w e h ave gone t h ro u g h , w e m i g h t see m o re c l early h ow d ra m at i c t h e c h a nges h ave been . Each s h i ft i n ori e n ta t i o n i s a d i sti n c t c h a n g e i n o u r mode o f expe ri e n c i n g. O u r sense of t i m e, f o r exa m p l e , ch an ges as we m ove t h ro u g h o u r l i ves. E a c h s h ift i n

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o u r sense of t i m e i n t u rn g ives r i s e to new percept i o n s a n d expecta t i o n s . W h e n we are yo u ng c h i l d re n , we sense t i m e as u n e n d i n g , perhaps not mov i n g at a l l . As we g row o l der, we fee l t i m e s t ret c h i n g befo re u s, an u n i ma g i n a b l y l o n g series of years t h a t ext e n d s m u c h fa rt h er t h a n we c a n even cou n t . E v e n o u r n e x t b i rthday seems so far a h ead of t h e p rese n t t h a t ' n ext yea r' see m s a l most l i ke ' n ever'. As w e enter ado l esce nce, w i sh i n g to be g rown u p , we beg i n to p u s h t i m e , wa n t i n g it to h u rry. N ow we c o n s i d e r o u rselves as a n i n d iv i d u a l pass i ng t h ro u g h t i m e, co l l ect i n g experien ces. W e h ave no fear of wast i n g or l o s i n g t i m e. Even t h o u g h we accept t h e idea t h a t o u r t i m e i s l i m i ted , t h e i m p l i ca t i o n s of t h i s a re l o s t o n u s; we have so m uc h t i m e a h ead of us t h a t t i m e sti l l see m s u n end i n g . As an ad u l t we beg i n to sense t i m e as mov i n g too fast, and wish we cou l d s l ow it d o w n . N ow we sense ti m e's l i m i t; we k now i n o u r hearts o u r t i m e w i l l come to an e n d . As a yo u n ger perso n , we i m ag i n e t h at w h e n we reti re we w i l l be f ree of t i m e's p ressu res; h a rass i n g sched u l es w i l l be a th i ng of t h e past, a n d t h e chaotic d ays of ra i s i n g a fa m i l y w i l l be ove r . B u t by t h e t i m e we a re i n o u r s i xt i e s a n d seve n t i es, we may not have t h e sen se of a l o n g st retc h of t i m e l y i n g before u s . Aware of t h e l i m i t o n o u r t i m e , w e may c h oose very caref u l l y how to u se the d ays and yea rs left to u s . We m ay not w i s h to waste o u r t i m e on petty p ro b l e m s, on emot i o n a l d ra m as, o r on frustrat i o n . H ow m u ch of o u r en e rgy h a s bee n wasted a l ready i n s u c h ways ? T h i s period i n o u r l ives g i ves u s a prec i o u s oppor t u n i ty to m ove c l oser to t h e h e a rt o f o u r l i fe, to what b ri ngs us m ea n i n g and va l u e . A t each stage rhyt h m s of e n e rgy s h i f t, percept i o n s c h a n ge, a n d d i fferent a b i l i t i e s c o m e fort h . W h e n as

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very you n g c h i l d re n we fi n a l ly learn how to t a l k , a whole n ew wor l d opens to us; l a ter a s we l ea r n to reason, we fi n d a nother d i m e n s i o n to o u r l i ves we d i d not even k n ow exi sted . As t h e energy o f o u r m i n d s a nd bod i es c h a n ge s i n a d o l escence, w e d i scover fee l i ngs and poss i b i l i t ies t h a t we h ad no access to at a yo u n ger age. Everyt h i ng we k n ow and u n d e rstand as ch i l d ren d i sa p pears- o u r o l d p l e as u res, our co m forts, o u r c h i l d i s h v i ews of p a re n t a l a u t h o ri ty, a n d m ost i m porta n t ly, o u r old s e n se o f o u rs e l f . S u d d e n l y we a re sel f-con s c i o u s, aware of be i n g a ' re a l perso n ' , a l t h o ugh someone u n k n own to o u rselves. A stra n ge a n d exc i t i n g world l i es befo re u s : W e a re o n the t h re s h o l d o f a new l i fe. E n teri ng t h e ad u l t world in o u r twe n t i es, we m ay feel we h ave fi n a l l y stepped i nt o ' t h e rea l wo rld'. Aga i n i n o u r fort i es, w e see t h e world w i t h d i ffere n t eyes, and aga i n in o u r s i x t i es. As we grow o l d e r, o u r p h ys i c a l desi res seem t o w a n e n a t u ra l ly, m a k i n g roo m for a less pressu red way of l i fe that g i ves u s a freed o m no yo u n ger perso n h a s . But i f we do n o t h ave a c l ea r u n d e rsta n d i n g o f how desi re a n d t e n s i o n operate, we may greet t h i s c h ange w i t h g reat re l u ctance. Perh a ps we have i m ages o f ou rselves t h a t we have not ' u pdated'; or we m ay h ave p rej u d i ces about o l d e r people t h a t deve lo ped d u ri n g o u r teenage years. As adol esce n t s i nvo lved in our own explod i n g e m o t i o n s , d riven f ro m exc i t e m e n t t o exc i t e m e n t by o u r res t l ess energy, we m ay h ave seen o n l y boredom and stag n a tion i n t h e m o re sta b l e w a y o f l i fe of a n o l d e r perso n . When w e move too q u i c k l y from stage t o stage, the ch anges we a re u ndergo i n g a re con f u s i ng; we feel u n easy and tend to fi l l in the open spaces between cyc l es, d rawi ng u pon our old and fam i l i a r ways of

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u n de rsta n d i n g a n d co p i n g w i t h experi ence. B u t t h e o l d ways n o lo nger work. N o t u n de rsta n d i n g w h y , we m ay confuse ou rse lves i n i n c reas i n g l y c o m p lex ways. If we u n d e rstood t h at t h e begi n n i n g a n d end of each stage m a r k a c o m p l ete cyc l e , we co u l d bri n g to m i n d a n d p u t a s i d e o u t g rown pa t te r n s t h at h ave beco me h i n d ra n ces to fu rther g rowt h , a n d prepare ou rselves to t h i n k m o re c l ea r l y about the opport u n i t i es the next stage is open i n g to u s .

O t h rough t h e space between t h e stages, we wou ld

f w e cou l d a l l ow ou rse l ves t o move m o re gen t ly

fi n d ou rse lves i n a n i n te res t i n g h a l f-formed wo r l d . P ress u res of o n e stage h ave d rop ped away, a n d t hose of the n ext stage h ave not yet swept us u p . We may h ave l ost i n te rest in o u r earl i e r act i v i t i es b u t not ye t h ave fo u n d n ew ones; or o u r energy h as s h i fted away from fa m i l i a r i n terests b u t h as n o t yet stabi l i zed in a n ew patte r n . I n t h i s u n sett l ed state, we can actu a l l y b e m o re se n s i t i ve a n d aware. These t i m es c a n s h a ke u s o u t of o l d patterns a n d h a b i ts a n d give u s a c h a nce to wake up to new u n d e rsta n d i n g s . As we loo k at o u r l i ves i n term s of cyc l es a n d t h e spaces between t h e m , we may beg i n to n ot i c e s m a l l e r cyc les w i t h i n l a rge r o n es. Together w i t h each cyc le comes a spec i a l space between t h e begi n n i n g and end i n g, a space fu l l of poss i b i l i t i es . T h e ro u n d o f t h e sea sons bri n g s c h a nges i n mood a n d e n e rgy to a l l l i v i n g t h i n gs . W i n t e r g i ves way to the n ewn ess of spri n g; the g row t h of su m mer is co m p l eted i n t h e m at u r i ty of fa l l . T h o u g h t h e modern world may n o t take t h ese sh i ft s as d ee p l y perso n a l even ts, the

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n a t u ra l res p o n se s to t h ese a n c i e n t cyc l es m u st be deeply e m bedded w i t h i n our bod i es a n d m i n d s . Most of us fee l that t h e t i m e of t h e ' N ew Year' o ffers u s a f resh start, a n ew begi n n i n g. So m e t rad i t i o n s set a s i d e spec i a l t i m es a t t h e c l ose o f t h e o l d year t o reca l l a n d eva l uate t h e act i o n s a n d res u l t s of t h e l ast twe lve mon ths, reaffi rm i n g o r c h a n g i n g goals a n d g u i d i n g pri n c i ples. Somet h i n g i n u s seem s to yearn for c o m p l e t i o n , re n ewa l , a n d fresh begi n n i n gs. Each m o n t h a l so see m s n a t u ra l l y to h ave a c o m pl ete pa ttern of i t s ow n . A m o o n cyc l e a ro u n d t h e earth passes t h ro u g h c l early d e m a rcated q u a rters t h a t a re refl ected i n t h e rhyt h m s of o u r bod i es. I t m ay be t h a t o u r m e n t a l a n d e m o t i o n a l p a t t e r n s a l s o h ave co rre spon d i n g rhyt h m s t h at we do n ot u s u a l ly n ot i c e . Is t h e n ew m o o n a l so a t i m e of c l eari n g away t h e o l d a n d loo k i n g ah ead to n e w beg i n n i n g s ? Even a s i n g l e d a y i s a cyc l e to i t s e l f- i n t h e m orn i n g w e awaken f ro m s l eep, a n d fo r a m o m e n t i t see m s we are not yet p rese n t . Our se n ses reach o u t toward shapes, colo rs, t h o u g h t s . S u d d e n l y we fi n d ou rselves aga i n . I n the even i n g as we go to s l eep, we experi ence a s i m i l a r process i n reverse. W e s l o w l y l o se t h e sen se of o u r s u rro u n d i n g s u n t i l eve n t u a l l y we ' o u rselves' d i sa p pear from view. W i t h i n the day t h e re a re n at u ra l sh i f t s i n mood a n d e n ergy, s o w e may n o t i c e certa i n aspects of l i fe m o re c l early at d i ffere n t t i m es. T h e h o u rs befo re s u n rise rad iate a s i m p l e c l arity a n d a sen se of fres h n ess a n d new beg i n n i ngs, w h i l e t h e m i d d ay gen erates a m o re dyn a m i c b u t a l s o a m o re c o m p lex q u a l ity. T h e eve n i n g often l e n d s i t s e l f t o refl ec t i o n . Sen s i n g t h e w h o l e n ess

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of eac h day, we c a n c o n c l u d e i t w i t h a fresh a pprec i a t i o n f o r o u r o w n t i m e a n d e n ergy. As w e g o t o s l eep, we m i g h t c o n s i d e r t h a t we wi l l awaken i n to a c o m p l etely n ew d ay. W h a t sh a l l we b r i n g to t h i s n ew begi n n i n g? If we cou l d consider t h e o p e n i n g of each day as t h e begi n n i n g of a new cyc l e w i t h i n our l i ves, how m a n y h u n d reds of opport u n i t i es wo u l d we h ave to l et n ew poss i b i l i t i es come i n to be i n g ? I f we cou l d b r i n g a sen se of c o m p l et i o n to t h e e n d of e a c h d ay, we cou l d beg i n to b u i l d o u r s e l f- k n ow l ed ge day by d ay o n a f i r m b a s i s . A s we m oved t h ro u g h t h e l a rger cycles of our l ives, each m o n t h a n d each year wo u l d bear t h e fru i t of i nc reased awareness a n d a d eeper u n d er stan d i n g of o u r own m i n d s . Proceed i n g t h ro u g h t h e stages of o u r l i ves, we cou l d welco m e e a c h n ew begi n n i n g as a spec i a l opport u n i ty . J u st as t h e gaps between l a rger cyc l e s g i v e u s opport u n i t i e s t o l o o k i n fresh ways a t o u r experience, the m o m e n t s of t ra n s i t i o n between s m a l l e r cyc les may a l s o be ope n i n g s to n ew poss i b i l i t i es. Even w i t h i n a s i n g l e day we may h ave m a n y s u c h o p port u n i t i es. When we feel e m ot i o n a l , we may sen se h ow we ' st art u p' a n o t h e r cyc le of worry i n g or a n ger. Som ehow we h ave passed u n aware t h ro u g h a s m a l l open i n g between cyc les. I f we refl ect o n t h i s cyc l i c a l n a t u re of e m o t i o n s a n d t h o u g h ts, we may d i scover a mo re spac i o u s q u a l i ty to o u r t h o u g h t s a n d e m o t i o n a l p a t t e r n s t h a n we h a d prev i o u s l y n o t iced. Perhaps each m o m e n t prese n t s us w i t h opport u n i t i e s to see more c learly what i s h a p pe n i n g , set a s i d e what i s n o l o n ger u sefu l , and open up new beg i n n i ngs. We do not h ave to l ose va l u a b l e t i m e i n e m o t i o n a l cyc l es t h at give u s

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l i tt l e pleasure. W i t h greater self- u n de rs t a n d i ng, we cou l d see how t h ese cyc l e s beg i n , and pass t h ro u g h them more q u i ck l y to a p p re c i a t e t h e p o s i t i v e a s pects of each experi en ce. If we were to take th ese opport u n i ties for n ew beg i n n i n gs a n d d eepen o u r s e l f- u n d erst a n d i n g w i t h t h e com p l e t i o n of each cyc l e, we m i g h t s e n s e o u r l i ves progress i n g in a m ov i n g s p i ra l . I n stead of repea t i n g o u r past patterns i n g reater a n d greater co m p l ex i ty a n d con fu s i o n , we co u l d gro u n d ou rse lves i n a co n sc i o u s apprec i a t i o n of t h e past t h a t a l lows u s to l earn a n d cha nge. Then each n ew cyc l e , t h o u g h re peat i n g cer t a i n pattern s fro m t h e past, co u l d beg i n o n a h i g h er level of u n dersta n d i n g . As w e a p proach t h e e n d of o u r l ives, o u r k n o w l edge wi l l conti n u e to protect us fro m fear and con f u s i o n . W e m a y d i scover u n k nown d i m e n s i o n s t o o u r o w n m i n d s, a n d o p e n u p t h e mysteries of t i m e itself. Eve n t u a l ly, we may fi n d a w ho l ly new u nd e rsta n d i n g o f begi n n i n g s a n d e n d i n gs t h a t co u l d i l l u m i n at e o u r last d ays w i t h m ea n i n g a n d sati sfact i o n .

21

I m ag e s o f O u rs e l ve s

Hidden within are not only our fears and confusions, but also our deepest feelings and aspirations.

\\ 1:\ 17 e h ave m a n y i m ages o f w h a t w e a re a n d what \'J\J we s h o u l d be. Some i m ages we p roject to oth ers, and some l i e c l oser to o u r h e a rt s . The i m ages we p rese n t to the world a re s e l d o m c o m p l etely s t a b l e, but sh i ft accord i n g to h ow we see ou rselves in re lat i o n s h i p t o o t h ers. W i t h c h i l d re n , w e m a y project o n e i m age; w i t h m ates, a n o t h er. For e m p l oyees, for co-wo rkers a n d f r i e n d s , a m o n g m e n o r a m o n g w o m e n , we may project st i l l other i m ages. We s h i f t a m o n g t h ese i m ages so read i l y that they a re l i ke c l o t h e s we c h a n ge a t w i l l . O u r ward ro be of i m ages h e l ps us fee l c o n fi d e n t and at ease i n whatever ro l e we a re ca l l ed u po n to perform i n l i fe . I n a sense, o u r i m ages serve as a protect i ve l ayer between u s and the o u t s i d e wo r l d . W h i c h of o u r i m ages rea l l y express w h a t w e are? A re a l l of t h e m t r u e to o u rse lves, or do some seem

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less real t h a n o t h ers? D o we k n ow w h e n we a re p l ay i ng a ro l e , o r do we i d e n t i fy w i t h a l l t h e ro l e s we assu m e ? Are perhaps a l l of t h ese i m ages exten s i o n s of o u r selves i n some respect ? We seem to be a b l e to j u ggle n u m erou s i m ages at once, proj ect i n g o u tward ly what we want to be l i eve we are and what we w i s h o t h e rs to see. O t h e r q u a l i t i es that we do not l i ke i n o u rse lves o r do n ot w a n t o t h ers to see we try to h i d e . Peo p l e a ro u n d us s u p po rt t h e pos i t ive i m ages w e prese n t to t h e worl d , f o r t h ey h ave thei r own i m ages to protect, and u s u a l l y h ave l i t t l e to gai n fro m c h a l l e n g i n g o u rs. W e enter i n to u n spoken ' pacts' with others: " I won't d i s t u rb you r v i ew o f yo u r se l f i f you d o n ' t d i s t u rb m i n e . " We u se t h i s ' s u pport ' t o co n fi rm t o ou rsel ves t h a t o u r p o s i t ive s e l f- i m age i s rea l , and we m ay be gen u i n e l y s u rpri sed o r u pset when we d i scover that o t h ers do not a l ways see u s a s we see ou rselves. We feel m uc h m o re co m fortab l e when peo p l e va l idate o u r pos i t ive s e l f - i m a ge by s h owi n g u s respect and trust, love and a p p rec i a t i o n . Act i n g on o u r pos i t ive views of o u rselves, we can m a ke co m m i t m e n t s a n d t a k e on respo n s i b i l i t ies w i t h c o n fi dence. O u r c o n f i d e n c e m ay be contagi o u s, i n s p i r i n g o t h e rs to re l y on o u r strengt h a n d a b i l i t i es. Our respo n s i b i l i t ies g row, a l ong w i t h o t h ers' a p prec i a t i o n and re spect . Our fa i t h i n o u rse lves i s c o n fi rm ed as we become i n c reasi ngly i n d i spensable. But what h a p p e n s if s u d denly t h i n gs go wro n g , a n d t h e pra i se t u rn s t o c ri t i c i s m a n d b l a m e ? I n t h e g l ow o f pra i s e a n d s e l f- c o n fi d ence, we m ay h ave taken on more respo n si b i l i ty t h a n we cou l d h a n d l e. Can we now s u sta i n the pos i t i ve o u t l ook we had when we bega n , w h e n we fe l t respected and

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a p p rec i ated ? Can we m eet t h e ch a l l enges, u s i n g o u r f u l l e nergy a n d res o u rc es, o r a re we lost w i t h o u t the confi r m at i o n of o u r se l f- i m po rtance? If o u r confi d e n ce is not based u po n i n ner strength, we may feel a l most forced to p u l l back to ' d efend o u rse lves'. Coveri ng up o u r fai l u res and s h o rtco m i ngs with reaso n a b l e exp l a n a t i o n s, we c l o a k ou rselves in exc u ses i n o rd e r to escape fro m confro n t i n g o u rselves d i rectly. U n a b l e to penetrate the pro tect ive l ayer of reasons and exc u ses we c reate aro u n d o u rselves, we u nderm i ne o u r a b i l i ty to acco m p l i sh even o u r m o s t cherished goa l s . We let t h i ng s go, s u bvert i n g o u r own eff o rts to t a ke the act i o n s t h at cou l d make the c r u c i a l d i fference between s u ccess a n d fa i l u re. S l owly, a s e n se of m e ss i n ess, of t h i n gs u n done, b u i ld s up a s a fee l i n g of warm t i g h t n ess; i t catches u s fi rst i n t h e sto m a c h , then i n t h e h ea rt a n d th roat, and fi n a l l y in t h e head . O u r t i m e goes by, fi l l ed with c o n fu s i n g i n n e r debates. We beg i n to move a n d th i n k m o re s l ow ly; i t beco m e s d i ffi c u l t t o organ ize o u r t h o u g h t s a n d a c t i o n s , a n d w e beg i n t o care less about w h atever we are d o i n g . We do not plan as we l l as we c o u l d ; we l eave t h i ng s o u t a n d keep m a k i ng m i stakes we co u l d h ave avo i d e d , then c reate m o re ra t i o n a l i za t i o n s to exp l a i n to o u rse lves and oth ers why t h i s i s h appen i n g . A l t h o u g h w e m a y fee l the force of t h i s pattern a s a p a l p a b l e p resence u n derm i n i n g o u r deepest feel i ngs a n d a sp i ra t i o n s , we a re so u sed to h o l d i n g the fa m i l iar sense of l i m i ta t i o n c l ose to our h eart that we cannot l et i t go. Even i f we want to c h a n ge, we feel too weak to do a n yt h i n g on o u r own; eve ryone e l se is d o i n g the sa m e t h i n g i n t h e i r own way, so who w i l l su pport u s

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i f we t ry ? I f we do m a n age to m a k e a start, oth ers t h rea tened by o u r attem pts to i nc rease o u r c o n fi d e nce and strength may t ry to u nd e rm i n e us. Lac k i n g t h e compassion a n d e n e rgy to w a k e o u rselves u p to a larger view of what we can be a n d do, we even t u a l l y a l low o u rselves to be l i eve t h a t we c a n n ot do w h a t we set o u t to acco m p l i sh . O n ce we l o se con fi d e nce, w e c a n fi n d m a n y reaso ns f o r fa i l i n g to m eet o b l i ga t i o n s : " T h ere w a s a n u n ex pected d i ffi c u l ty- I had n o w a y of k n ow i n g . " "Someone l et m e down- t h ere w a s n o t h i n g I cou ld do." "I tried my best. What e l se c a n I do?" " I d i d n 't pro m i se anyth i n g. I o n l y sa i d I wo u l d try . " Sen s i n g fai l u re, w e m a y b a c k o u t o f c o m m i t m e n t s to spare o u rselves fu rther d i s t ress. " I c a n 't ove rload myse l f or I ' l l get run down and never acco m p l i sh a n yt h i n g . " " I h ave to t a k e some t i m e off before I get so aggravated t h at I c a n ' t do any t h i ng." Our ra t i on a l i z a t i o n s so u n d very convi n c i ng, and once we fo rm u l a te t h e m to o u rse lves a n d then speak them a l o u d , we o u rselves tend to b e l i eve t h e m . When o u r exc u ses are accepted, we may fee l re l i eved t h at we are not b l a m e d . B u t t here i s a stra n ge fee l i n g i n si d e t h at w e h ave so m e h ow g o t t e n away w i t h so m et h i n g or t r i c ked someo n e, perh a p s o u rselves. O u r en ergy h a s gone i n to sel f- protec t i on i n stead of i n to o u r wo rk b u t what a re we protec t i n g? An i m age of o u rs e l f as a fa i l u re ? P rotec t i n g o u rs e l ves at t h e expe nse of d i m i n i s h i n g ou rselves, w e are l eft w i th a v i ew of o u r selves t h a t ca u ses u s p a i n . Even i f o u r exc u ses are accepted , o u r fa i l u re to m a tc h o u r pos i t ive i m age m a y c o m pel u s to c o n t i n u e b l a m i n g o u rselves. O u r i n n er d i a l ogues m ay t ry to f i x

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t h e b l a m e sec u re l y : " W h a t a fa i l u re I a m . I was a d i s a p po i n t m ent to eve ryone." But to get o u rselves 'off t h e hook' we a l so b l a m e t h e cond i t i o n s t h at seemed to be t h e c a u se of o u r fa i l u re . " B u t I co u l d h ave done better, i f o n ly . F i n a l ly, we ' accept' o u rse lves : " I t's not so bad. Everybody breaks p ro m i ses. I did the best I could i n the time I had." .

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W h y do w e expe r i e n ce s u c h g reat i n n e r t u rmoi l ? Wh ere h ave o u r pos i t i ve q u a l i t i es gon e ? Why do we h ave d i ffi c u l ty i n s u sta i n i n g t h e m ? When t h e q u a l i t i es t h at make u p o u r self- i m age are not stab l e , o u r sense of s e l f-esteem is n ever sec u re. O u r i m ages m ay m a k e u s feel good about o u rselves for a t i m e, b u t w h e n the q u a l i t ies t h ey project a re not fu l ly i n tegrated i n to o u r bei n g , we are a l ways v u l ner a b l e . Eve n t u a l l y o u r ten u o u s h o l d on t h ese q u a l i t ies w i l l beco m e a p pa re n t , a n d we w i l l fi nd o u rselves i n a di lem ma. W h e n o u r i m age of o u rselves a l ternates between pos i t ive and negat ive m odes depe n d i n g u pon the v i ews of o t h ers or u po n o u r own s h i ft i n g attitudes, w h e re can we fi nd o u r rea l selves? What q u a l i t i es i n a n y of o u r i m ages a re sta b l e ? C a n w e pred ict how we w i l l fee l a bo u t o u rselves tomorrow or even the next h o u r ? We c a n n o t t r u l y trust o u rselves to fo l l ow t h ro u g h w i t h respo n s i b i l i t i es a n d co m m i t m ents; we c a n never be c e rt a i n t h a t we c a n ret a i n t h e t r u s t or l ove of ot h e rs . Vac i l l a t i n g a m o n g our many i m ages, we l o se t o u c h w i t h who we rea l l y a re, and h ave d i ffi c u l t i es i n d eve l o p i n g o u r fu l l pote n t i a l . I f t h ese i m ages o f o u rse lves a re not based u pon o u r rea l q u a l i t i es, w h a t a re t h ey based u po n ? W h y d o we

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co n t i n u e to fee l t h ey re prese n t u s eve n w h e n we su spect t h at t h ey a re not co m p l et e l y acc u ra t e ? These i m ages a re ve ry c l o sely rela ted to t h e s e n se of self we esta b l i s h d u ri n g o u r c h i l d hood w h e n we l earn respo n ses t h a t w i l l i n s u re o u r accept a n ce, g a i n u s ap prova l or a t t e n t i o n , a n d m i n i m i z e perso n a l d i st ress or f r u st rat i o n . A s very yo u n g c h i l d re n we c a n se l d o m refra i n from express i n g o u r fee l i n g s d i rec t l y , b u t as we g row o l d er, we soon l ea r n to m o d i fy our behavior and a t t i t u d es i n terms of w h a t o t h e rs c o n s i d e r a p p ro p r i ate. We l ea rn when we shou l d l a u g h a n d w h e n we s h o u l d c ry, w h e n w e s h o u l d b e s e r i o u s , w h e n w e s h o u l d be aggress ive or s u b m i ss ive, w h e n we m u st be po l i t e . We l e a r n how to mask fee l i ngs that a re u n accepta b l e to o t h e rs or t h at prod uce a n u n d es i red res u l t , a n d w h e n to express t h o u g h ts a n d o p i n i o n s a t va r i a n c e w i t h what we rea l l y t h i n k a n d fee l . A s a rt i fi c i a l patterns of respo n se beco m e d ee p l y i m p ri n ted, t h ey com p l icate m o re ge n u i n e res ponses. We l earn to conceal o u rselves fro m oth ers, to d i s sem ble, to m a n i p u l ate, to rat i o n a l i z e , and to exc u se o u r act i o n s i n ways t h a t a re soc i a l l y accepta b l e. Eve n t u a l ly, we co m e to bel i eve o u r rat i o n a l i z a t i o n s. H o nest a n d d i s h o n est respo n ses beco m e very d i ffi c u l t to d i ff e re n t i ate-we l ea rn t o l i e even to ou rselves. J u st as we h ave strong p refere n c es for p l ea s a n t expe r i en ces a n d avo id u n p l ea s a n t o n es, we l e a r n to foc u s on t h e aspects of ou rselves t h a t o t h ers l i ke or t h a t we see a re reg a rd ed as d e s i ra b l e. We a re si n c e re and h o n est; we a re con fi d e n t , k n ow l edgeab l e, a n d capab l e . . . h o w cou l d w e b e o t h e rw i s e ? D i scoveri n g

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t h a t o t h e rs w i l l accept t h e i m age we project, we consc i o u s l y t ra i n o u rselves to m a n i fest q u a l i t i es t h at w i l l g u a ra n tee s u ccess i n o u r work and re l a t i o n s h i ps. To c reate a m o re accepta b l e i m age, we h i d e or deny vari o u s aspects o f our consc i o u s n ess we h ave been t a u g h t to rega rd as ' bad', s u c h as j e a l o u sy, a n ger, and rese n t m e n t . B u t t h e u n wan ted q u a l i t i es stay w i th us, s u r f ac i n g in d i sgu i sed forms o r rep ressed a t t h e cost of m u c h en e rgy. T h ese d i sowned q u a l i t i es co l o r o u r re l at i o n s h i ps w i t h o t h e rs i n ways w e can not read i l y u nderst a n d . I f we a re u n a b l e to acknowledge rage i n o u rselves, b u t fi n d i t r i s i n g i n to v i ew, w e c a n u n con sc i o u s ly protect our self- i m age by project i n g t h i s a n g e r o n to a n o t h e r pers o n , w h o m w e can then self r i g h t eo u s l y reject. When we pers i st in see i n g o u rse l ves as a l ways good or r i g h t , any u n d es i ra b l e q u a l i t i es we feel i n s ide us m u st be b l a m ed on so m et h i n g or someone e l se. I t i s easy to convi n ce o u rse lves t h a t 'ev i l ' t h o u g h t s and act i o n s o r i g i n ate from a n ext e r n a l so u rce; we are t h erefore j u st i fi ed in attac k i n g o r el i m i n at i n g t h i s t h reat t o w h a t i s ' ri g h t'- i n o th e r word s, ou rselves o r w h at w e stand for. I n ext re m e cases, w e may see an e n e my in eve ry i d ea , con cept, o r person t h at d i sagrees w i t h o u r fi xed conc epts; we m ay m a k e g ro u ps or even w h o l e c u l t u res t h a t favor d i ffere n t a p proaches to l i fe scapegoats for o u r own h i d d e n aggres s i o n . T h e m o re su ccessfu l w e bec o m e i n esta b l i s h i n g a n d protec t i n g o u r s e l f- i m age, t h e m o re powerfu l and capab l e we can appear. We m ay beco m e adept at i n t i m i d a t i n g oth ers w i t h the sheer force of our bel ief in o u rselves. I n fl ated w i t h fee l i n gs of r i g h teo u s n ess

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and power, we cont i n u a l ly defend o u r sense of o u r selves by sett i n g o u r own i d ea s a n d o p i n io n s a bove those of o t h e rs . We m ay never see how r i g i d a n d wi l l f u l ly b l i n d we h ave beco m e . Th i s tend ency to h id e f ro m o u r i n n e r responses permeates m u c h of o u r expe r i e n ce. Somet i m es we a re aware of h i d i n g o u r res pon ses, p a rt i c u l a r l y when we l i e to protect o u rse lves o r d e l i berat e l y t ry to d eceive someone. B u t often we o n l y h a l f n o t i c e w h at we a re d o i n g, o r are com p l etely i n t h e dark a b o u t o u r act u a l responses. I f a n u n des i ra b l e fee l i ng a ri ses, w e m ay fi nd o u rselves express i n g a n emotion o r fee l i n g t h a t is act u a l l y t h e o ppos i te o f the o n e we a re experi e n c i n g . I n t h i s way we c a n h a n d le t h e u n wan ted fee l i ngs without h av i n g to con fro n t t h e m d i rectly. O n ce ex pressed, t h i s fabricated outer respo n se bec o m e s ' t h e rea l o n e', a n d we eas i l y ' fo rget' o u r o ri g i n a l i m p u l se . Or perh a ps we d i d n o t not ice it at a l l . B u t even i f w e a re a b l e to c o m p l etely repress o u r negative res po n ses, cove r i n g t h e m over w i t h o u r pos i t ive v i ew of o u r selves, the e m o t i o n s a n d feel i n gs a re s t i l l p resen t, a n d wi l l s u b t l y pervade t h e i m age we m a n i fest t o o t h e rs. As c h i l d re n we n a t u ra l l y s e n se the rea l fee l i ngs beneath the i m ages peo p l e pres e n t to us. When th ere i s a d i fference betwee n t h e i n n e r fee l i n g a n d t h e o u te r appearance- w h e n a nger, fo r exa m p l e , i s h i d den be neath a c a l m , c o n t ro l led s u rface- t h e c o n fl i c t i n g signa l s can be very c o n f u s i n g. S l o w l y we rea l i ze that the h i dden fee l i ngs we sense a re best i g n o red, fo r when we touch t h e m , sparks a re generated t h at i n f l a m e e m o t i o n s w e c a n not contro l . O r perh a ps w e o u r selves d o not w i s h to see t h i s h id d e n s i d e . We learn

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to deal exc l u s i ve l y w i t h t h e o u ter fee l i ngs d i s p l ayed by t h ose a ro u n d u s . W e m ay eve n t u a l l y c o m e t o d o u b t o u r own perce p t i o n of t h e ' h i d d e n t h i n gs' a n d l ea rn to i g n o re t h e m a l toget h er. O u r own i n n e r fee l i ngs m ay st i l l re spo n d to t h e h i d d e n s i d e of o t h e rs, b u t we no lo nger k n ow why we feel as we do; we c a n o n l y sense t h at s o m et h i ng i s not r i g h t . J u st as we l earn t o t r i c k o u rselves i n to i g n o r i n g what we see i n o t h e rs, we l ea rn to i g n ore what we do not w i s h to see in o u rse lves. Th ese rejected q u a l i t ies can c o m b i n e w i t h the deep i n secu ri ty, c o n fu s i o n , and fears we h ave c o l l ected t h ro u g h o u t o u r l i ves to form a n eg a t i ve sel f- i m age. Revo l v i n g a ro u n d o u r weakest fea t u res, th i s negat ive i m age p rese n t s us to o u rse lves i n t h e worst poss i b l e l i g h t- h atefu l , i n c o m petent, s t u p i d , d i s h o n est, u n wo rt h y of l ove, wea k . Such a se l f - i mage c a n be j u s t as powerfu l as t h e pos i t ive i m age we d i s p l a y on t h e s u rface. Part of t h e power of t h e negative s e l f- i m age derives fro m i t s part i a l t r u t h - we su spect we h ave t ra i t s we w i s h were not t h e re. B u t j u s t as o u r p u b l i c sel f- i m age of confide nce is a n exaggera t i o n of o u r act u a l a b i l i t i es and q u a l i t i es, so o u r nega t i ve i m age is a l so a o n e - s i ded and i n accu ra te vers i o n of o u rse lves. When the i m age we p rese nt to the world is t h re a t e n ed , we often fi n d o u rse lves at the m ercy of o u r negat ive s e l f- i m age. The i m ages of how we w i s h to s e e ou rsel ves w a r w i t h i m ages of h o w w e fear we ' re a l ly' are. S o m e t i m es t h e n egat i ve i m ages prove s t ro n ger, a n d we a re d r iven by fear a n d d o u bt t h a t d est roy o u r sel f-co n fi d e n ce. Yet n o m a t t e r h o w m u c h

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p a i n t h ey b r i n g u s , t h e negat ive i m ages we fear a re a l so a part o f o u r fa m i l i a r sense of self. T h ey co n t ri b u te to o u r sec u ri ty.

\\ 11 i ew i n g each expe r i e n ce t h ro u g h t h e fi l te r of \J o u r self- i m ages, we beco m e a l i e n ated f ro m o u r

selves. We a re u n a b l e to t ra c k o u r rea l fee l i n g s t h rough t h e m aze of rat i o n a l i za t i o n s a n d p roject i o n s t h at protects o u r i d ea s of w h a t we are. I so l at e d beh i n d t h ese barr i e rs, w e c a n n o t h e l p b u t con t i n u a l ly deceive o u rselves a bo u t o u r u n d e r l y i ng mot ives a n d s i t u a t i o n . As pattern s of sel f-decept i o n beco m e d e e p l y i n grai n ed , we come t o feel safest i n su perfi c i a l re l a t i o n sh i ps t h a t do n o t c h a l l enge o u r i m ages of o u rselves. S i t u a t i o n s that m i g h t b r i n g h i d d e n aspects of o u r se lves i n to t h e open m ay m a k e u s fearf u l o r host i l e . U n a b l e t o be h o nest w i t h o u rselves o r o t h ers, w e a re u n a b l e to g i ve or receive rea l w a r m t h o r l ove.

H i dden w i t h i n a re n o t o n ly our fears and c o n f u s i o n s, b u t a l so o u r d eepest fee l i n gs a n d a sp i ra t i o n s . Y e t i t i s d i ffi c u l t to o p e n o u r h earts w i t h o u t tou c h i ng u pon pain and fear as we l l . When t h e re a re m a n y o l d pa i n s and co n f u s i o n s loc ked i n o u r hearts, w e need m ore t h a n ever to bel i eve t h a t t h e i mages we p resent to others a re true. It m ay be nearly i m poss i b l e to acknow l edge o u r own wea k a n d negative q u a l i t i es. Convi n c i n g ou rse lves t h a t we a re ' fi n e ' j u s t as we a re, we m ay see n o n eed to d eve l o p rea l i n ner strength and confi d en ce. In our b l i n d n ess, we can not see the effects of o u r acti o n s o n o t h e rs o r u nderstand w h y we feel so isol ated and a l o n e . Lonel i n ess i n c reases o u r p a i n ,

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w h i c h we pass on to oth ers i n m a n y ways, perpet u a t i n g t h e u n h a p p i ness we feel d e e p i n si d e . Tra pped w i t h i n t h ese n a rrow views, w e c a n spend t h e w h o l e o f o u r l i fe defend i n g o u rse lves aga i n st sel f - k n ow l edge. We c lose o ff o p t i o n s for e n ri c h i n g ou r l i ves w i t h com pas s i o n and j oy, and lose opport u n i t i es to develop t h e rea l c o n fi d ence t h a t wo u l d al low u s t o acco m p l i s h somet h i n g m e a n i n gfu l . Even w h e n w e w i s h t o s t re ng t h en o u r pos i t i ve q u a l i t i es, we may n o t be a b l e to make o u r wi shes a rea l i ty . We h ave m a n y good i n te n t i o n s : " I rea l l y wan t to i m p rove. I rea l ly want to c h a nge. I f I had a n o t h e r c h ance, I wo u l d beh ave d i ffere n t l y . " O r " I w i s h I c o u l d rea l l y be confide n t . N ext t i m e I ' l l t ry h a rd er." B u t o u r attem pts m ay e n d i n fru stra t i o n . O u r w i s h i n g i s n o t e n o u g h ; we do not k n ow h o w t o break t h e force of o l d patterns, so we fa l l back i n to t h e m . Then we may b l a m e ou rselves even m o re. Perhaps we a re tryi n g to act pre m at u re l y- before we c a n c h a n g e o u r patterns we m ay n eed to know m o re a bo u t t h e m . By observ i n g o u r own expe ri ence and a s k i n g o u rselves what is l i m i t i n g our efforts to d evelop the q u a l i t i es we desi re, we can beg i n to deepen o u r u n d ersta n d i n g of t h ese patterns. When we refl ect on h ow l o n g we h ave been t r a i n ed to h i de o u r worst q u a l i t i es a n d rem e m be r h o w m a n y o t h e rs share t h e sa m e d i ffi c u l t i es, we can t reat o u rse lves more gently. Deeper c o m pass i o n w i l l h e l p u s re l i nq u i s h t h e fear a n d b l a m e w e t e n d t o d i rect toward o u rselves a n d o t h e rs. O u r i n i t i a l attem pts to see ou rse l ves more c learly and h o n estly may be con f u s i n g . All our tra i n i n g and c o n d i t i o n i n g h ave taught u s to hide our u n des i rable

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q u a l i t i e s , to p u s h t h e m away, or exp l a i n t h e m i n ways that seem reason a b l e . Fol l ow i n g old patterns, we m ay trick o u rselves i n to not see i n g w h at i s before o u r eyes, a u to m a t i ca l ly cove r i n g u p o u r rea c t i o n s by denyi n g t h e m or exc u si ng o u rselves w i t h n etworks of reaso n s . Perh aps w e are a s h a m ed of o u r reac t i o n s a n d b e l i eve oth ers wo u l d s h a m e us f u rt h e r if we a l l owed t h e m to s u rface; perh a ps we feel t h ey are beyond o u r contro l . B u t w e h ave ru n a g reat r i s k i n refu s i n g t o a c k n o w l edge our da rkest t h o u g h t s and fee l i n gs. T h ey a re far m o re powerfu l when repressed, for t h ey m ay eru pt u n pre d i c t a b l y in ways we c a n not contro l . H owever m uc h w e m a y w i s h t h ese fee l i ngs were n o t p art of u s, t h ey w i l l po i son o u r l ives u n t i l we a c k n o w l edge t h e m a nd fi nd ways to tran sform them c o m p l etely. We tie up m u c h of our e n e rgy in h o ld i n g q u a l i ti e s w e c o n s i d e r b l a mefu l i n c h e c k , or e n gag i n g i n i n n er debates about how we ' rea l l y are'. Th i s keeps o u r atte n t i o n centered o n o u rse l ves, separa t i n g u s fro m oth ers. I t bec o m es h ard er t o see beyon d t h e confi nes of self- i n terest. When we c a n catch g l i m pses of how we do t h i s, we can recog n i z e t h e defenses t h at prevent u s from k n ow i n g t h e rea l n a t u re of o u r emotions. A l t h o u g h we may n o t l i ke w h a t we see, w e m a y sense fo r t h e fi rst t i m e that we c o u l d c h a n ge o u r l i ves on a very deep l evel . Reflec t i n g d i re c t l y on w h a t we see w i t h o u t exc u s i n g o u rse lves, w e c a n beg i n to observe t h e tend e n c i es we h ave been i g n o r i n g . Wh atever w e see g i ves u s k n o w l edge we can c o u n t u pon t o s u pport o u r eff o rt s to c h a n ge. L i tt l e by l i t t l e , i t is poss i b l e to become mo re ob jective. Even in t h e m i dst of e m o t i o n , we c a n watch o u rselves as though we were actors in a gra n d d ra m a,

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arg u i n g w i t h d iffe re n t i m ages of o u rse lves. Each i n stance of m o re o bjective s ee i n g h e l p s decrease t h e heat of t h e m o m ent; g rad u a l ly we w i l l be a b l e to part i c i pate less i n t h e d ra m a . As we experi e n ce more d i rectly what i s h a pp e n i n g , we c a n recogn i ze the e n d l es s stories our m i n d s spin as d efenses a n d j u st i ficat i o ns, a n d s e e t h e u n d e r l y i n g patterns t h ey a re t ry i n g to h i d e . When we fee l less p res s u red to i n terpret expe r i ences to acco rd w i t h o u r se l f - i m age, we can b e more atte n t i ve to o u r deeper t h o u g h t s a n d fee l i ngs. Perhaps long after a n u n p l easant s i t u a t i o n h a s passed , we feel a t i g h t n ess i n o u r sto m a c h s or s h o u l d e rs; what e m o t i o n a re we h o l d i n g ? When we a l low t h i s tension to re l ax, w h a t thoughts a r i s e ? Is rese n t m e n t there, or a nger? I s t h e re fea r? Touch i n g t h e s u rface of the fee l i ng l i g h t ly, we c a n watc h t h e d i rect i o n of o u r t h o u g h t s . Do the t h o u g h ts p u s h t h e feel i ng down aga i n o r i n t e n s i fy i t ? We d o not n eed to act on the thoughts o r e m o t i o n s , o r feel g u i l t fro m a n yt h i n g that arises; we c a n s i m p l y observe t h e fee l i n gs a n d t h o u g h t s that m ove t h ro u g h our bod i e s a n d m i n d s . I f w e get c a u g h t u p i n t h e e m o t i o n s and t h oug hts, we can a l so observe that. At what po i n t d i d we beg i n part i c i pa t i n g i n stead o f watc h i n g ? W h a t com pel led u s ? E m o t i o n s t h a t p u l l u s very s t ro n g l y i n t o t h e d ra m a t h ey re l ate can somet i m e s be l oose n ed u p by c h a n g i n g o u r foc u s . I n s tead of foc u s i n g s o heav i l y on the content of t h e d ra m a, we c a n observe t h e stru ct u re of t h e e m o t ion i ts e l f or t h e i n te rac t i o n s between e m o t i o n s , a n d watch t h e i r way of ' p l ay i n g w i t h us'. Perh a ps we g l i m pse s o m e u nwan ted q u a l i ty in o u r selves b u t i n stead of lett i n g t h i s k n o w l edge ' s i n k i n ',

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we beco m e e m o t i o n a l , a n d avo i d c o n f ro n t i n g t h e truth by reve rt i n g to patte rn s o f b l a m i n g o u rsel ves. When we see what we a re d o i n g in a s i m p l e n o n j u d g m e n t a l way, we c a n t race t h e patterns o f e m o t i o n s a n d t h o u g h t s m u c h m o re c l early. Watc h i n g our t h o u g h ts, deeply se n s i n g our own fee l i ngs, we c a n be m o re at ease with w h a t ever emerges w i t h i n u s . When we cease rejec t i n g a s pects of ou rse lves, we can open our h ea rt s m o re fu l l y a n d l i g h t l y t o u c h pai n f u l p l aces of nega t i v i t y a n d confu sion . Set t i ng a s i d e a l l t ho u g h t of s h o u l d s a n d wou l d s , w e w i l l fi n d love a n d com pass i o n a ri s i n g i n o u r h earts; we can d i rect t h ese fee l i n gs toward o u rselves, as though to a f r i e n d in n eed . Once we know t h at l ove a n d c o m pa s s i o n are a l read y prese n t w i t h i n u s, we w i l l h ave t h e k n ow l edge we need to open our h e a rts f u rt h er. W h e n ever we feel old pat terns re t u r n i ng, we c a n be m o re c o n fi d e n t i n o u r own i n n er st rength a n d c o m p a ss i o n , a n d a l l ow whatever p a i n we exper i e n c e to t o u c h o u r h earts d i rect ly. Acce p t i n g w h a tever a r i ses w i t h o u t fear o r b l a me, we can so rt o u t wh i c h i m ages match w h a t w e tru ly are, w h i c h a re fa l se t o o u r b e i n g, a n d w h i c h rep resen t o u r deepest a s p i ra t i o n s. Eve n t u a l ly w e c a n go f u r t h er, watc h i n g o u r word s , o u r bod i l y m ove men ts, and our gest u res, and b r i n g i n g t h e m i n to harmony w i t h ou r i n n e r a s p i ra t i o n s . Co m pa r i n g o u r words and o u r d eeds, o u r i m ages a n d o u r a c t i o n s, we w i l l fi nd t h e i n c o n s i s t e n c i es we n eed to resolve.

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C H A PT E R 2 2 : T R A N S FO RM I N G T E N S I O N

Ten s i o n a n d sensory percep t i o n

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Ten sion a n d sti m u l a t i o n

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I n t e n s i fy i n g st i m u l at i o n

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E ffects of overst i m u la t i o n

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Cop i n g w i t h t e n s i o n

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P l ea s u re a n d t h e re l i ef of ten s i o n

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Ten s i o n a n d i n ten s i fi ca t i o n o f activity

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Tendenc i es to com p u l s i ve a c t i v i ty

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Rac i n g aga i n s t ten s i o n

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Con f u sed i n terpretat i o n s of expe r i e n c e

21 7

Anxiety and e m ot i o n a l d i s t ress

21 8

Relat i o n s h i p of body a n d m i n d

21 9

Breath a n d re l axa t i o n

220

Rel i ev i n g p ressu re of ten s i o n

221

U n lock i n g reactive patterns

222

Knowledge t h ro u g h sensory awareness

223

C H A PT E R 23 : CO N F L I CT O F C O M P ET I T I O N

Co mpet i t i o n a n d goa l s

225

Cu l t ivat i o n of c o m p e t i t ive att i t u des

226

Momen t u m of c o m peti t i o n

227

Striv i n g a n d t e n s i o n

228

Com pet i t i o n and exped i e ncy

228

Dep l e t i o n of energy

229

Com pet i t i o n , i n secu r i ty, sel f-esteem

229

L i v i n g up to stan d a rd s of others

230

B a s i s for sati sfac t i o n P rotec t i o n t h ro u g h i n ne r growth

231 232

Self-respect and a p p rec i at i o n

232

Benefits of l o n g - ra n ge go a l s

232

I nteg r i ty a n d s e l f- re l i a nce

233

S h a r i n g knowl edge of experi ence

233

Knowl ed ge a n d cooperat i o n

234

C H A PT E R 2 4 : S E E I N G T H R O U G H PA I N

K n o w l edge o f p a i n

235

Emotional pain

235

Avo i da n ce of p a i n

2 36

U nd erst a n d i n g p a i n

236

F e a r of p a i n

236

P ressu res c o n t r i b u t i n g to p a i n

236

I nt ern a l dyna m ic o f pa i n

237

B l a m i n g o u rselves

238

Pervas ive n a t u re of pa i n

239

R e l i ev i n g t h e p ress u re o f pa i n

239

Penetrat i n g t h e d yn a m i c o f p a i n

240

N eu t ra l see i n g

241

Q u e ry i ng patterns

242

Lett i n g go of n eg at i ve e m o t i o n s Converti n g p a i n i n to k n o w l edge

242 243

22

Tra n sfo r m i n g T e n s i o n

Our senses can be vie wed as two-way channels, capable of sensing inwardly as well as ou twardly.

1)1 u r

senses are n a t u ra l l y a t t u ned to o u r s u r \W ro u n d i ngs, ready to reso n a te i n respon se to a n y s t i m u l a t i o n . O p e n to a con s t a n t p l ay of m ovem e n t a n d en ergy, o u r sen ses i n st a n t l y g r a s p a n d t ra n s m i t i m pres s i o n s of sh a pes and c o l ors, m ovemen ts, so u n d s , fragrances, tastes, a n d bod i l y s e n sa t i o n s . O u r m i n d s , l i ke t h e senses, are s u bt l y t e n se even when relaxed; a l e rt and act ive, t h ey a re con t i n u a l l y respo n d i n g to sense i m pres s i o n s . F u n d a m e n t a l te n s i o n exi sts in every l i v i n g cel l of o u r body. At a very b a s i c l evel , t e n s i o n see m s to be p a r t of o u r n a t u re. At t h e on set of t h e perce p t u a l p rocess, t h e m i n d grasps sensory i m p ress i o n s w i t h l i g h t n i n g speed and sorts a n d p rocesses t h e m . I m ages a re i d e n t i fi ed and labeled t h ro u g h a c o m p l ex p rocess that d raws u pon a wea l t h of memories a n d assoc i a t i o n s . O n l y then do o u r m i n d s present u s w i t h sights, so u n d s , s m e l l s , t a s tes, sensa t i o n s, and t h o u gh t s that we c a n cog n ize a n d respond to. W h a t act u a l ly s t i m u l a tes o u r c o n sc i o u s

21 2


respo n ses a re t h e i m ages a n d t h o u g h t s t h at e m erge from t h i s c h a i n of i n n e r act iv i ty. The m i nd then con ti n u e s to react to i t s own re act i o n . I f we obse rve w h at i s h a ppen i n g i n o u r m i nd s , we beco m e awa re of t h o u g h t ec h o i n g t h o u g h t as t h e m i n d co m m ents on i t s own respo nses. I n a n i n stant we c a n be fa r rem oved fro m the i m m ed i acy of expe rience. W h i l e t h e ech oes of o n e t h o u g h t are sti l l reverbera t i n g, o u r m i nd s a re p roces s i n g o n go i n g s t i m u l i f r o m w i t h i n o u r bod i e s a n d fro m t h e o u tside world, l a be l i n g a n d i n terpret i n g t h e m i n t h e same m a n n er. Before we speak, t h o u sa n d s of i m p u l ses may h ave stre a m ed t h ro u g h o u r m i n d s . T h i s exc itab le, h i g h l y reac t i ve t e n d ency o f the m i nd rend e rs us v u l n erab l e to s t ress. Even our accu sto m ed act i v i t i es sti m u l ate c o u n t l ess i n tern a l reac t i o n s . Wh enever the q u a n t i ty or i n ten s i ty of s t i m u l a t i o n s exceed s t h e c a p a b i l i ty of o u r m i nd s and bod i es to i n tegrate t h e m , res i d u a l te n s i o n s accu m u late. A s st i m u l at i o n i n c reases, o u r sen ses h ave less t i m e to re l ax. They grasp faster, com pel led to respond u n t i l t h e n e rvo u s system beco m e s overloaded . T h e m i n d i n t u rn gra sps faster t o e n gage a n d sort o u t t h e ba rrage of i m pu l ses i t is rec e i v i n g . W h e n overst i m u l a te d , the m i n d i s l i kely to prese nt u s with confu sed i n terp reta t i o n s of o u r experience. When i t s activity p rod uces a g i t at i o n i n o u r bod i es, we fee l ten se and a n x i o u s . L o n g after t h e s t i m u l a t i o n s a re over, tension rem a i n s in our body. I f t h e ten s i o n goes u n recogn i zed, o r we h ave no effect ive ways to re l ax, it b u i l d s u p , constrict i n g t h e n a t u ra l flow of o u r e n e rgy. W h e n we become accu sto m ed to te n s i o n , we m ay not n o t ice t h at our sen ses a re beco m i n g n u m bed , our expe ri ence

Time to Cha nge

21 3

m ore taste l ess a n d fl at. Then we fee l t h e need to h e i g h ten t h e i n t e n s i ty of s t i m u l a t i o n . O u r very a b i l i ty t o e n j o y a n experience m a y c o m e t o depend on stretc h i n g o u r sensat i o n s t o n ew h e i g h ts . W e c a n beco m e s o a d d i cted t o i n t en s i fy i n g st i m u l a t i o n t h a t w e fee l bored even i n t h e m i d s t of exc i t i n g events o r a c u t e l y u n co m fo rt a b l e i n t h e p rese nce of people who are s i l en t . W h e n we a re a l o n e or h ave noth i n g spec i fi c to d o , o u r bod i e s feel res t l ess; o u r m i n d s m a y sense t h i s res t l es s n ess a n d dwe l l o n t h o u g h t s t h a t d i st u rb u s even m o re. T h e i r e n d less i n terpretat i o n s p rovi d e u s w i t h m an y rea s o n s fo r o u r d i sc o m fo rt , a n d st i r u p co n fl i c t i n g e m ot i o n s. E m o t i o n a l e n e rgy o n l y i nc reases o u r rest l es s n ess a n d p ro v i d es o u r m i n d s w i t h st i l l m o re f u e l fo r i n terpreta tions. We m ig h t fi n d o u rse lves too a g i t ated to s l ee p or awa kened freq u e n t l y by d i st u rb i n g d re a m s or thoughts.

C\ I.l ost peo p l e today h ave l i ved i n a state of ll\JIJ exc i t a t i o n a n d overs t i m u l a t i o n s i n c e early ch i ld hood. Our fast- paced way of l i fe bom bards us with st i m u l at i o n . Wh ere in the co u rse of a s i n g l e day can we fi n d m o re t h a n a few b ri ef m o m e n t s that a re free of m e n t a l , e m ot i o n a l , a n d sensory excitat i o n ? Even w h e n w e fee l w e a re re l a x i n g b y rea d i n g , l i s ten i n g t o t h e rad i o , o r watc h i n g te l ev i s i o n , our e m o t i o n s , desi res, yearn i n gs, a n x i et i es, a n d f a n t a s i es a re aro u sed by a con t i n u a l s t re a m of s i g h t s a n d so u nd s . O u r m i n d s seem to t h r i ve on exc i t e m e n t a n d encourage u s to be con t i n u a l l y t h i n k i n g a n d d o i n g. Exc i ted, t h e m i n d t e n d s to race a n d l e a p fro m t h o u g h t to t h o u g h t , sk i m m i n g over t h e s u p e rfi c i a l l evels of

21 4


w h a t i s h appen i n g, b u t l ess a b l e to derive m ea n i n g and sati sfa c t i o n fro m w h a t we are d o i ng . I n terpre t i n g our experi e n c e t h ro u g h co nce pts t h a t m ay h ave l i t t l e to d o w i t h the rea l n a t u re o f o u r experien ce, we m ay te l l o u rselves w e are fee l i n g p l ea s u re o r learn i ng so me t h i n g va l u a b l e w h e n we m ay act u a l l y only be i nc reas i n g t h e l evel of st i m u l a t i o n . T h e faster t h o u g h t s a n d i m ages a ri se, t h e m o re l i ke l y t h ey a re to bec o m e j u m b l ed a n d c o n f u sed. The c o m p l ex fee l i ngs and e m o t i o n s t h ey evo ke confuse u s f u rt h er, st i m u l at i n g s t i l l m o re t h o u ghts, fee l i ngs, and e m ot i o n s in esca l at i n g cyc l es. T h o u g h t s become b l u rred and i n d i st i nct, so m et i m e s even i n coh erent, as o u r m i n d s leap from s u bj e c t to s u bject; o u r bod i es respond w i t h m u sc u l a r t e n s i o n a n d res t lessn ess that h e i g h ten t h e l eve l of ag i t a t i o n . T h e g reater o u r t e n s i o n a n d a n x i ety, t h e m o re we . feel i m pe l led to act. We m ay be p h ysica l l y u n a b l e to ' si t q u i e t l y and a l l ow body and m i nd to reg a i n t h e i r b a l a n c e a n d c a l m . I n o u r exc i t e m e n t , we po u r m o re of o u r energy i n t o a c t i v i ty u n t i l o u r bod ies a n d m i n d s a re exh a u s ted; o u r bod i es fee l heavy and u n respon s i ve, wh i l e o u r t h o u g h t s g row m o re c o m p l ex and d e n se. If we h ave n o way t o brea k t h ese cyc l es, we can reach a po i n t w h e re we feel para l yzed by tension t h at h a s nowh ere t o go. T h i s tension i s sto red in our bod i e s a n d m i n d s , c reat i n g t h e cond i l i o n s fo r i l l n ess or despa i r . T o c o p e w i t h stress a n d a n x i ety, w e t ry t o adj u st o u r l i festyles accord i n g to t h e l evel of t e n s i o n we find to l e r a b l e , a n d avo i d s i t u at i o n s that t h re a t e n to exceed o u r l i m i ts. We may fi n d re lease i n exerc i se, w i t h a l c o h o l , c i garettes, o r d rugs, w i t h a good m ea l , o r sex u a l

Tim e to Cha nge

21 5

activity. Periods of phys i c a l i n act iv i ty o r p ro l o n ged s l eep c a n re l i eve awareness of p ress u re; t a l k i n g w i t h fri ends g i ves u s a n o u t l et for t e n s i o n s a n d c o n fi r m s t h at others s h a re o u r fru strat i o n s . T h e ways w e fi n d t o rel i eve t e n s i o n m ay seem effective a n d eve n b r i n g us g reat p l e a s u re. We t u rn to t h e m n at u ra l ly w h e n ever we beg i n to feel restless. As long as we can m a i n t a i n a n even b a l ance be tween tension and re l axa t i o n , we m ay fee l t h a t te n s i o n i s c a u s i n g u s no great d iffi c u lty. B u t do w e ever feel f u l l y rested from o u r e fforts t o re l ax ? O r do o u r m et h o d s o f re l a x i n g c reate t h e i r ow n t e n s i o n s ? I f th ese activ i t i es h ave act u a l l y rel axed u s, w h y do we so often n eed to i n t e n s i fy t h e m , or spend m o re t i m e on t h e m , or seek out n ew vari a t i o n s ? It see m s n o r m a l to w i s h to i n c rease pleasu re, but o u r effo rts do not n ecessari Iy b r i n g u s t h e resu l t s w e w i s h , p a rt ic u l a r l y w h e n w e beg i n d e vot i n g m o re and m o re t i m e to fi n d i n g p l e a s u re. Any act i v i ty we en joy, w h e t h e r m e n t a l o r phys i c a l , work o r p l ay, c a n i t s e l f beco m e a so u rce o f d i ssat i sfac t i o n and a n x i ety. Even w h o l esome act i v i t i e s can be come u n h ea l t hy w h e n t h ey t a ke on a d ri v i n g q u a l i ty t h at i n trudes on o t h e r a s pects of o u r l i ves. A l t h o u g h w e may h ave i n i t i a l l y e n gaged i n t h e m fo r p h y s i c a l fit ness o r for p l ea s u re, eve n t u a l l y t h ey c a n occu py a m u ch m o re c e n t ra l p l ace i n o u r l ives. Memori es of p l e a s u r a b l e fee l i ngs, h e i g h t e n ed by fa ntasies and n o t i o n s of ach ieve m e n t , m ay keep u s strivi n g even w h e n w e a re experi e n c i n g fru stra t i o n o r bod i ly pa i n . I t becomes d i ffi c u l t to stop- so m et h i n g keeps p u s h i n g u s t o co n t i n u e . As t h e push i n g g rows m ore d e m a n d i ng, o u r range of i n terests m ay n a rrow u n t i l we feel e n t i re l y ded i c ated a n d com m i tted to a

21 6


s i n g l e activity. O u r sense of p u rpose i s convi n c i n g : We a re determ i n ed to p u rs u e t h i s i n terest, a l t h o u g h we may not k now w h y; or perhaps we convi nce ou rsel ves t h a t i t b r i n g s u s grea t benefi ts. B u t o u r st ro n g l y foc u sed m i n d s c a n beco m e o b l i v i o u s to o u r own deeper fee l i n gs and the fee l i n g s of oth ers who m ay feel n eg l ec t ed i n the face of o u r p reocc u pa t i o n . U n a b l e to reflect on w h e re o u r i n t e rests a re l e ad i n g u s, we can beco m e trapped i n act i v i t i e s that take m u c h of our t i m e and e n e rgy, c rowd i n g o u t o t h e r concerns that m ay h ave m o re l o n g - range benefi t to our l i ves. O n ce we become stro n g l y attac h ed to i m prov i n g o u r perfo r m a n c e a n d fee l t h e n eed f o r others to rec ogn iz e t h a t we are s u ccessfu l , we set o u rse lve s u p for g reater p ress u re a n d the ever- prese n t poss i b i l i ty of d i s a p po i n t m en t . With the i n c rease of c o m p et i t ive pres s u res, p l easu re t e n d s to fade i n to a seco n d a ry goa l . Even i f w e h ave n o i nc l i n a t i o n t o b u i l d a p a rt i c u l ar activity i n to a major e n d eavo r, our methods of re l ax at i o n can d eve l o p a d riven q u a l i ty t h at see m s to prov i d e a fee l i n g of c o n t ro l over o u r bod i e s a n d m i nd s , b u t ac t u a l l y c o n t r i b u tes to stress a n d t e n s i o n . Any m e n t a l o r b e h av i o ra l pattern can beco m e a c o m p u ls ive way of avo i d i n g pressu re, te n s i o n , or pa i n w i t h o u t act u a l l y reso l v i n g t h e m . I n the e n d , o u r act i v i t i es may d ra i n u s of e n ergy w i t h o u t p rov i d i n g u s w i t h t h e re fresh m e n t we seek. Com pe l l ed to avo i d p a i n , not k n owi ng how to deal d i rect l y with pressu re, we beco m e r u n n ers i n a race aga i n st te n s i o n . We h u rry t h ro u g h each day, c h a s i n g a fter s o m et h i ng t h a t wi l l bri n g u s re l i ef or t ry i n g to get away from somet h i n g t h a t w i l l i n c rease o u r

Time to Change

21 7

ten s i o n . We c a n n o t s low down a n d c o n s i d e r w h ere we are goi ng, or why we w a n t to get t h ere- we d o n ' t h ave t i m e. Like a m ac h i n e t h a t c a n n o t be t u rn e d off, we keep on ru n n i n g . We ru n h a rde r a n d faster, t ry i n g to keep u p or get a h ead, t ry i n g to red uce t h e pressu re t h a t seem s t o p u s h u s fro m beh i n d . W h a t c a n w e do b u t ru n , r u n , r u n ? W e m ay even r u n p h y s i ca l l y i n a n effo rt to stay 'in sh a pe' a n d rel i eve the t e n s i o n a n d pressu res we fee l . Rac i n g aga i n st t i m e, we c a n not escape t h e ru n n er's d i l e m m a- th e m o re we r u n , t h e m o re we h ave to ru n . O n l y w h e n we d rive o u rsel ves i n to deep phys i c a l ex h a u st i o n o r e m ot i o n a l n u m bness do we fi nd so me re l i ef fro m the terr i b l e press u re of o u r l i ves. The sudden re l i ef of te n s i o n m ay fee l exh i l a ra t i ng, giving u s a ' h ig h ' that c a n i n t u rn become a goa l , encou rag i ng u s to ' r u n ' even h a rd er. Whether we n u m b o u r senses d i re c t l y w i t h d rugs, alcohol, o r i n te n s e overst i m u l a t i o n , o r perpetu ate cyc les of h e i g h te n i n g tension that e n d i n exh a u s t i o n and co l l a pse, e i t h e r w a y of esc a p i n g p ress u re can be add i c t i ng. Our i n c rea s i n g l y rest l ess m i n d s u rge u s on w i t h m e m o r i e s of a n t i c i pa t i o n a n d p l e a s u re, w h i l e forget t i n g t h e pai n o r n u m bness t h a t was a l so p a rt of the experi ence. Is it poss i b l e for our m i n d s to d i s t i n g u i s h between rea l p l eas u re in expe r i e nce and s i m p l e re l i ef fro m te n s i o n ? I f we were t r u l y rel axed a n d sat i sf i ed by o u r experien ces, wo u l d w e fee l s u c h a need t o repea t t h e sa me expe r i e nces so often ? I f w e h ave l earned to i n terpret n u m bness a s p l eas u re, w h a t m i g h t o u r m e t h od s o f i ncrea s i n g p l eas u re be d o i ng to o u r m i n d s a n d

21 8


bod i es ? U nd e r l y i n g o u r a c t i v i t i e s there see m s to be a d i sc o m fo rt , l i ke a deep i rr i t a t i o n we c a n not com pletely re l i eve. We c a n sati sfy o u rselve s tem porarily by d u l l i n g o r exh a u st i ng our sen ses, b u t we seem u n a b l e to rel i eve t e n s i o n a t i t s s o u rce. When our ways of rel i evi n g t e n s i o n are no longer sat i sfy i ng o r a re beco m i n g in t u rn new so u rces of stress, we g row m o re vu l n era b l e to a n x i ety. The s m a l l est d i stu rba nces in our rou t i n es can be very u psett i n g, a n d t h e s l i g h t est frustrat i o n can provoke us to e m ot i o n a l o u t b u rsts. Dec i s i o n s a re h a rd e r to m a ke; we face s l ee p l e ss n i g h t s m o re often, as we l i sten to o u r m i n d s c h u rn i n g w i t h i n n er d i a logues. Exhau sted and d e p l eted , we c a n n o t s u sta i n confi d e n ce in o u r selves o r w h a t we are d o i n g, a n d s u ffer from the n ag g i n g s of g u i l t and feel i n gs of perso n a l i n adeq u acy. We fi n d it d i ffi c u l t to get t h ro u g h the work i ng day or to f i n d comfo rt w i t h fa m i l i e s or friends. In i t s most d i st u r b i n g fo rm, a n x iety a r i se s w i t ho u t warn i n g. We m ay be go i ng a bo u t o u r d a i ly ro u t i ne, even en gaged in work we fi n d enjoya b l e and c reative, o n l y to s u d d e n l y notice the sa m e t h o u g h t s cyc l i n g over a n d ove r i n o u r m i n d s; we m ay b e pers p i ri n g or n a u seous. T i m e is pas s i ng; we m ay h ave a dead l i n e to m eet, yet we feel s t u c k a n d froze n , on t h e verge of real p a n i c . T h e m o re e n e rgy we po u r i n to what we are d o i n g , a n d t h e m o re we t h i n k abo u t what i s h a ppen i n g, t h e m o re a n x i o u s and confu sed we beco me. I f we c a n n o t d i spel t h ese sen sat i o n s , t h ey can become overw h e l m i n g . O nce we h ave experienced extre m e a n x i ety a n d k n ow t h e pa n i c t h a t i t c a n l ead to, we m a y be deeply d i s t u rbed by the fear that i t m i g h t ret u r n . A l l we

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assoc i a te w i t h a n x i et y i s s u spec t - t h e spec i fi c e n v i ro n m e n t w e were i n w h e n i t s t r u c k , t h e type o f w o r k w e were engaged i n , even t h e peo p l e w h o h a p pe n ed t o b e aro u n d u s . T h e n e e d t o s o m e h ow co n t ro l t h i s fea r can l ead u s to fixate on c e rta i n behaviors t h a t seem ' safe' or even to d eve l o p p h o b i a s we k n ow a re i rrat i o n a l , b u t c a n n o t overc o m e. B e i n g a ro u n d other people may a ro u se nearly i n t o l era b l e fee l i n gs of g u i l t o r shame. Because so m a n y peo p l e su ffer from a n x i ety tod ay, we may g i ve no t h o u g h t to protec t i n g o u rsel ves u n t i I o u r a n x i ety s u rfaces i n m o re ext re m e fo r m s . H owever, if we u n derstand how a n x i e ty is roo ted in t e n s i o n , we can l earn to avo i d fo r m s of behav i o r t h at enco u rage i t . In s t reng t h e n i n g our own i n te r n a l resou rces, we can protect o u rse l ves from a l l for m s of stress.

rcJ' u r

m e t h od s o f re laxat i o n now e m p h as i ze re W l eas i n g t e n s i o n i n ways t h a t c reate m ore press u re or si m p l y d ra i n o u r en ergy a n d d u l l ou r sen ses a n d m i nd s . I t i s poss i b l e t h at w e c o u l d i nvest i gate t h e re lat i o n s h i p of body a n d m i n d m o re f u l ly, a n d fi n d ways t o d i spel ten s i o n that wo u l d be m o re benefi c i a l t o o u r w h o l e be i n g. Then w e co u l d g reat l y i n c rease our sen s i t i v i ty to a l l fo r m s of ex perience. I n stead of ' explod i n g' the energy bu i l t up by ten s i o n , it i s pos s i b l e we cou l d learn to tap and tran sform i t . We h ave far to g o before w e u n derstand t h e i n terp l ay of t h e body, m i n d , a n d sen ses c o m p l etely. L i t t l e i s k n own a b o u t t h e relat i o n sh i ps among bod i l y, menta l , and e m ot i o n a l t e n s i o n s . W h i l e t h ere is m uc h i n forma t i o n a bo u t t h e p h y s i c a l aspect o f o u r sensory organs a n d nervo u s systems, t h e re h a s been l i t t le

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research i n to t h e i n n e r opera t i o n of t h e senses and m i nd . Even the concepts we u se to i n terpret our experience may be too fixed or l i m i ted to express the d y n a m i c n a t u re of t h e sen ses, body, and m i n d . By d i rectly observ i n g o u r own respon ses to t e n s i o n and experi m en t i n g w i t h new ways to defuse it, we can g a i n m o re p l eas u re f ro m o u r experience as we l l as va l u a b l e i n s i g h t s i n to t h e i n t i m ate re l at i o n s h i p of o u r own bod i es a n d m i n d s . O u r b reath a n d heartbeat a r e n a t u ra l mon i tors o f te n s i o n : t h e i r rates t e n d to i n c rease w h e n w e fee l a g i tated a n d tense, a n d s l ow down as we re lax. Be c a u s e of t h i s i n terco n n ec t i o n , we can use the ri se and fa l l of t h e brea t h and t h e rhyt h m of o u r h eart beat to penetrate t e n s i o n a n d a n x iety. By s i m p ly foc u s i n g g e n t l y on b reat h i ng, we can s l ow t h e b rea t h a n d a l low it to find i ts own n a t u ra l move m e n t . W e c a n t a ke a l i t t l e q u i e t t i m e t o a l l ow t h e n a t u ra l rhyt h m s a n d m ovem e n t s of o u r body a n d m i n d to relax the outer layers of t e n s i o n . As o u r b rea t h i n g softens and i t s rhyt h m s m oot h s o u t, the m i nd beco mes less c rowded w i t h t h o u g h t s and i m ages, and t h e body beg i n s to rel ax of i t s own accord . If we can sense t h e steady beat i n g of t h e heart toge t h e r w i t h t h e flow of brea t h , we can fee l a n a t u r a l s t a b i l i ty w i t h i n o u r own body t h a t w i l l b a l a n ce o u r tendency toward a g i tat i o n . W h e n t h e body a n d m i n d a re m o re relaxed, we m i g h t feel a softer, m o re s u b t l e s i d e of o u r senses. A l t h o u g h we u su a l l y u se o u r sen ses as w i n d ows to the o u t s i d e wo r l d , t h ey m ay act u a l l y be two-way c h a n n e l s , c a pa b l e of sen s i n g i n ward l y as we l l as outward ly. We c a n t ry gen t l y d i rect i n g o u r senses i n ward. I n re leas i n g t h e i r fixa t i o n on external objects, w e h e l p them re l ax

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the gra s p i n g tendenc ies t h a t keep t h e m t i g h t a n d tense. When they a re m ore open a n d relaxed, t h ey are more aware of w h atever pre s e n t s i t self i n s i d e or outside of the body; t h e m i n d beco m e s l es s rea c t i ve and more q u i e t l y a t tentive . T h e n it i s poss i b l e to si m ply see w i t h o u t look i n g at s o m eth i n g, a n d to l i sten w i t h o u t l i sten i n g to a n y part i c u l a r so u n d . When sen sat i o n s a re not so t i g h t l y grasped, t h ey a ro u se ge n t l e r fee l i n gs t h a t e n co u rage a s m oot h e r flow of m i n d and body e n e rgy. B a l a nc i n g in t h i s n e u t ra l state, we can dea l w i t h ten s i o n d i rectly. W h e n we a r e q u i e t, we a re m o re aware of t h e t i g h tness i n o u r bod i e s a n d m i n ds, a n d w e can use th i s awareness to t a p t h e e n e rgy of ten sion. B r i n g i n g t h e atte n t i o n l i g h t l y to sensa ti o n s of t i g h t ness in t h e c h est, we m a y fi n d it poss i b l e to re l i eve pressu re by i m a g i n i n g t h a t each b re a t h i s expand i n g a space a r o u n d the heart. T h e o p p ressive fee l i ng can be opened u p as t h o u g h we were fi l l i ng i t fu l l of a i r. W i t h each o u tflow o f b rea t h , the t e n s i o n c a n fl ow out i n to space. We can d o t h i s w i t h o t h e r areas of ten sion as wel l , u nt i l o u r w h o l e body fee l s m o re rel axed and open . As the body rel eases acc u m u lated t e n s i o n s , fee l i n gs g row m o re d i rect a n d p l eas u ra b l e . O u r heartbeat s l ows, and both m e n t a l a n d p h y s i c a l a g i tat i o n l i g h t e n ; eve n o u r b o d y tem perat u re m ay s u b t l y sh ift, regu l at i n g i tself as the body becomes m o re bal anced . W i th practice we can u se t h e breath as a s i g n a l of t h e fi rst v i b ra t i o n s of frustra t i o n o r of any e m o t i o n a l d i st u r bance. We c a n m o re eas i l y fi nd o u r b a l a nce before anxiety i n tensi fies; we c a n l i g h te n a n d expa n d a n y pressu red feel i n g to protect b o t h heart a n d m i nd fro m tension a n d s t ress.

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After some p ract i ce, i t i s poss i b l e to relax f u rther i n to t h e b reath . W i t h each exh a la t i o n , we c a n fo l l ow o u r b reat h o u twa rd , be i n g part i c u l a rl y m i n d f u l of the po i n t w h e n t h e b re a t h c o m p l e t e l y l eaves the body, a n d a l l ow i n g it to d i s perse i n to space. Wh i l e we a re foc used o n t h e space a ro u n d u s, t h e m i n d i s a l ert and s i l e n t . I m agi n i ng o u rsel ves pro tec ted from pressu res by an egg - s h a ped c a ps u l e of s i l e nce that s u rrou n d s o u r body, we c a n expand th i s s i l e nce f u rther a n d f u rt h e r i n to s pace w i t h each ex h a l a t i o n . W h e n w e rem a i n q u i et, m i n d f u l of breath i n every m o m e n t , we can open a space between u s a n d o u r t h o ughts. W e m i g h t t h i n k of o u rselves as observers of an i n te rest i n g d ra m a , a b l e to see t h e c o l o rs and textu res of our t h o u g h t s as t h ey u n fo l d , w i t h o u t fee l i n g any o b l i gat i o n t o res po n d . Re l a x i n g o u r ten d ency t o react to every t h o u g h t a n d sen sat i o n h e l ps to break t h e cyc l e of t e n s i o n s . I f we deve l o p a more s p ac i o u s, less pressu red way of rel at i n g to o u r fee l i n gs a n d t h o u g h ts, w e c a n resto re o u r b a l a nce mo re q u i c k ly after a n y d i s t u rbance. See i n g the re l at i o n s h i p between ten s i o n a n d our react ive tendenc i es, we can u n derstand how our h a b i t u a l patterns o f respo n d i n g i n d i sc r i m i n ately to st i m u la t i o n perpet u ate a n d i n te n s ify e m o t i o n s, wo r ri es, a n d fears . K n ow i n g t h at t h ere is somet h i n g we c a n do to re l i eve t e n s i o n , we may be a b l e to face o u r own e m o t i o n s m o re d i re c t l y, i n stead of reac t i n g to t h e m w i t h f u r t h e r e m o t i o n s . We m i g h t be able to watch how t h ey m a n i fest i n o u r l ives w i t h a new i n te rest a n d sense of b a l a nce, a n d free o u rse lves from t h e h a b i t of self-b l a m e that may be i n t e n s i fyi n g o u r pro b l e m s.

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N o r m a l ly, we woLild h ave no way to u n lock t h ese deeply rooted patterns. B u t in t a k i n g care to q u i et o u r sen ses, b rea t h , a n d m i n d , we m ay fi n d we h ave brief open i n gs befo re we a re tot a l ly ca u g h t up in pred i c t a b l e cyc les. Q u i e t l y observ i n g w h a t i s h ap pe n i n g, w e contact deeper respon ses t h a t c a n c u sh ion u s fro m emot i o n a l exc i t e m e n t a n d h e l p u s to resto re o u r s e n se of bal ance. Even t u a l ly, we can choose w h e t h e r o r not to respo n d . Whenever w e exerc i se c h o i ce b y refra i n i n g fro m response o r by respo n d i n g i n n e w ways, we ga i n strength and e n l a rge t h e space i n w h i c h free c h o i c e i s poss i b l e . I n i t i a l ly, o u r h a b i t u a l respon ses m ay over power o u r awaren ess, but o u r u n d e rsta n d i n g of w h a t i s h a ppen i n g can encou rage u s to con t i n u e o u r o b servat i o n s a n d re l i eve feel i n gs of h e l p lessnes s a n d g u i l t . W i t h patience, we c a n d evel o p t h e a b i l ity to c u t comp letely t h e force o f even t h e s t ro n gest negat ive thoughts and e m o t i o n s . T h e k e y t o n a t u ra l protec t i o n from e m o t i o n a l stress a nd tension is m i n d f u l ness of the breat h . M i n dfu l n ess is not forcefu l con t ro l , but a n a t t e n t i ve awareness of what is occ u rri ng. When we re m a i n q u i e t and observe t h e flow of t h e b reat h , t h e body a n d m i n d n at u ra l l y release t h e en ergy sto red i n t e n s i o n fro m i t s dense a n d so l i d fo rms. L i berated , t h i s e n e rgy i n c reases v i t a l i ty a n d c l a r ity, a n d stre n g t h e n s o u r a b i l ity t o d e f u se p ressu res. I n stead of be i n g c a u g h t up in a cyc l e of esca l a t i n g pressu re, we can d eve l o p a n a b i d i n g peace a n d c l a ri t y t h a t grow from w i t h i n . Relaxed a n d c l ea r, o u r sen ses convey v i v i d i m pres sions; our t ho u g h t s m ove s l o w l y and cohesively, a n d

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o u r fee l i n gs h ave a r i c h a n d flow i n g text u re. As re l ax a t i o n deepens, we m i g h t even n o t i c e n ew v i t a l i ty a n d new reso n a n ces w i t h i n o u r bod i es, as i f we were respo n d i n g to m u s i c a l tones p u l s i n g l i g h t ly w i t h i n u s . When w e l i st e n fo r t h i s s i l en t m u s i c , w e t o u c h o u r sen ses w i t h g reater awareness a n d jo i n o u r m i nd a n d body i n m o re h a r m o n i o u s i n terac t i o n s . L i ke perfect p a rt n ers i n a d a nce, m i nd a n d body, perfectly a t t u n ed , m ove f ree l y a n d spontaneo u s l y w i t h t h e rhyt h m s of t i m e i n space. As we u n d e rstand o u rselves m o re d i rectly, we may f i n d that o u r body a n d m i n d are capable of s u sta i n i ng g reater p l e a s u re t h a n we h ave ever expe rienced i n o u r h a p p i est m o m e n t s . A l l of o u r capac i t i es- perception, t h o u g h t , fee l i n g, a n d sen sat i o n - c a n be refi ned and d evel o ped in new ways t h at bri ng g reater freed om a nd e n j oy m e n t i n l i fe. T h e e n e rgy now c h a n n eled i n to o ld patterns co u l d be red i rected i n ways we h ave not yet d i scovered . W i t h a m o re c o m p re h e n sive k nowledge, we can exerc i se m i nd a n d body to t h e i r f u l l capac i t i es a n d d eve l o p a pos i t i ve, freer way of be i n g t h at i n c reases o u r a p prec i at i o n o f t h e cou n t l ess d i m en s i o n s of h u m a n l i fe.

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Co n fl i c t of Co m p et i t i o n

Measuring our lives against s tandards se t by o thers, we do no t consider ourselves intrinsically worthwhile, and our sense of self-es teem is never secure.

lr he w h o l e i d ea o f c o m pe t i t i o n b e l o n g s esse n t i a l l y U to t h e rea l m of c o n tests, w h e re we e n te r t h e aren a to w i n prizes a n d g l o ry . T h e goal i s n o t to prod uce a fi n e prod uct o r s k i l l fu l l y perform a va l u a b l e serv i ce, b u t to prod uce and perform better t h a n someone e l s e , as determ i n ed by j u dges o r wel l -e s ta b l i s h ed r u l es. At h l etes con t i n u a l l y c h a l l e n ge world reco rd - h o l d e rs; b u s i n ess peo p l e vie for reco rd - b rea k i n g s a l es; i n t e l l ec tuals a n d profess i o n a l s a i m for pacesett i n g break t h roughs. As goa l s a re s e t ever h i gh er, sta n d a rd s of s u ccess ri se, c o n t ri b u t i n g to o u r s e n se of progress as a soc i e ty. As t h e pace of the modern world q u i c ke n s , t h e trem e n d o u s press u re u po n u s i s refl ected, i n part, by the h e i g h ten i n g of c o m pet i t i o n . A l t h o u g h c o m p et i t i o n h a s l o n g been a p a rt o f h u m a n l i fe, today i t grows fi ercer; peo p l e fee l m o re kee n l y the n eed to su rpass

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t h os e a ro u n d t h e m i n o rd e r to m a i nt a i n t h e i r l i festy le a n d even t h e i r s e l f-estee m . Today, c o m pet i t i ve a t t i t u des are c u l t ivated a n d rewarded i n eve ry a rea of e n deavor. A n a u ra of co m pet i t i o n su r ro u n d s re l a t i o n s h i ps a m o n g m en and women in schoo l , c a reers, and in the home, a l l the m o re so as t rad i t i o n a l ro l e s ra p i d l y c h a nge. Few a s pects of o u r l ives a re not affected by o u r des i re to w i n i n compet i t i o n . We w i s h to be better t h a n oth ers not o n l y i n o u r j obs b u t a l so i n o u r h o b b i es ; we w i s h to h ave fi n e r h o u ses a n d cars, m ore attrac t i ve m a tes, and s m arter c h i l d re n t h a n o u r friends. Com pet i t i o n affi r m s our sense of i n d i v i d u a l i m por tance a n d e n h a nces fee l i n gs of i n dependence and s e l f - re l i a nce. Everyone wants to exc e l , to accom p l i s h somet h i n g spectacu l a r. We a i m for t h e m o s t o r the best of what l i fe see m s to o ffer. We st rive to be t h e most attractive, t h e most i n t e l l i g e n t , or t h e strongest. O u r a s p i rat i o n s a re s t i rred by v i s i o n s o f c l i m b i n g t h e h i ghest m o u n ta i n , sett i n g n e w record s, a n d estab l i s h i n g n e w preced e n ts; w e enjoy deve l o p i n g o u r tale nts a n d test i n g o u rse l ves aga i n st others. L i fe i t self can become a c h a l l e n g i n g game i n w h i c h we l ea rn the ru l es of the ro l es we p l ay and rec eive recogn i t i o n for d e m o n strat i n g o u r s k i l l s in th o se ro les. When we becom e good at w h a t we d o , we ga i n a sense of accom p l i sh m ent t hat can be tru ly exh i l a rat i n g. Com pe t i t i o n beg i n s in early c h i l d hood when we a re c o m p a red to oth ers in o u r phys i c a l growth, o u r l ooks, o u r s k i l l s , o u r att i t u d es, a n d o u r behavior. Such c o m pa r i so n s , based l a rgely on c i rc u m stances beyo nd o u r c o n t ro l , see m to determ i n e o u r wort h , even to o u rse lves .

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Once we beg i n c o m pet i n g, a m o m e n t u m i s estab l i shed that ca rries u s o n ward . As the ' best' are w i n nowed from t h e ' average' a t each s tage, t h e i n te n s i t y of compet i t i o n i ncreases. I f we d o we l l e n o u g h i n schoo l , we m ove from t h e pre l i m i n a r i e s t o a m o re i n tense are n a o f a p p re n t icesh i p o r g ra d u ate s t u d y . I f we q u a l i fy t h e re, we pass o n t o t h e sem i - fi n a l s o f o u r career i t se l f. B u t i t see m s t h e re a re n o fi n a l s; o n e contest fol lows a n o t h e r as we p ro g ress i n o u r c a reer. Even when a c l ea r w i n n e r does e m erge, the stage h a s o n l y been s e t fo r t h e n ext con test to beg i n . Few can s u sta i n c o m pet i t i ve m a n e uvers a l l o f t h e i r l i ves, a n d m a n y a re h a n d i ca p ped i n t h e i r efforts t o compete. M a n y peo p l e s t i l l bear t h e scars o f s e l f dou bts a n d fee l i n gs of i n fe r i o r i ty o r i g i n a t i n g i n co m parisons made d u r i n g c h i l d hood a n d ado lescence. A n egative self- i m age d eve l o ped i n o u r early years c a n h a m per u s f o r t h e rest o f o u r l ives. S i t u a t i o n s t h a t c h a l lenge s o m e c a n l eave ot h ers c ri n g i n g i n si de, u n a b l e t o take advantage o f opport u n i t i es for g rowth or to d evel o p their talents and i n te rests. H ab i t s o f self-depreca t i o n a n d f e a r of fa i l u re can tru l y u n d e r m i n e o u r g row t h . T h i s k i n d of h u rt i s d i ffi c u lt to l et go. I f w e can n o t heal o u r fee l i ngs of i n adequ acy, w e may s p e n d m u ch of our l i ves fee l i n g u se l ess a n d l eft o u t . H ow m u ch need less s u ffe r i n g i s end u red in t h e name of c o m p e t i t i o n ? H ave w e n o way t o avo i d was t i n g s o m u ch h u man poten t i a l ? Com pet i t i o n h a s s i d e-effec ts even for t h ose who do wel l u nder s u c h pressu re. In c o n s i d e r i n g each n ew s i t u a t i o n , we caref u l ly w e i g h o u rselves aga i n st t h e stand ard s w e m u st m eet to s u cc eed . I f t h ey see m too

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d iffi c u l t , we m ay be dete rred from fo l l ow i n g o u r n at u ra l i n c l i n a t i o n a n d t a l e n ts. S u cceed i n g a t some t h i ng tends to bec o m e m o re i m porta n t than fi n d i ng m ea n i n g f u l wor k . O u r l i ves u n fo l d i n a c l i m ate of t e n s i o n : W e m u st a l ways do a l i t t l e better to stay a h ead; we m u st ac h i eve a l i t t l e m o re to p rotect o u r pos i t i o n . We may come to rely u po n t h ese p ress u res for s u st a i n i n g o u r p u rpose a n d d rive. B u t as t h e p rocess gath e rs m o m e n t u m and respon s i b i l i t i es acc u m u l ate, s u c h press u res tend to c reate i n t e n se ag i ta t i o n a n d rest rict c reat i v i ty. We may feel c o m pe l l ed to cover u p m i st a kes a n d excuse fa i l u res, spo i l i ng t h e sat i s fac t i o n o f work we l l done. As we become s uccess f u l competi tors, our a c t i o n s m ay no lo nger sat i sfy u s i n t h e m se l ves: W i n n i n g i s t h e b o t t o m l i n e . We pressu re o u rselves to s u cceed s o we c a n feel l i ke t h e w i n n e r, w h e t h e r we keep sco re by fi n a n c i a l g a i n s, stat u s , or power a n d prestige. Attac h m e n t t o w i n n i ng a l so d raws o u t o u r agg ress i ve i n st i ncts a n d c a n c a u se u s to lose touch w i t h o u r s e n s i t i v i ty to oth ers. W e a l l k n ow peo p l e whose d rive to o u tst r i p o t h e rs l eaves be h i n d a t ra i l of rese n t m en ts, peo p l e for w h o m the r u l es of the game see m to j u s t i fy a n y m ea n s to get a h ea d . W i l l i n g to l ive i n a c l i mate of h u rt a n d d i st r u s t , t h ey w i l l r i sk a nyth i n g in order to s u cceed in the p rese n t , confid en t that t h ey can ' h an d le' w h a t m a y a ri se in t h e f u t u re. As t h i s sense of power becomes i nc reas i n g l y u n ba l a n ced, j u dgmen t s u ffers, a n d pa i n f u l d efea t s a re a l m ost g u a ra n teed . C a u g h t u p i n t h e m o m e n t u m of compet i t i o n , we m ay fi n d i t e a s i e r to act fro m exped i e ncy t h a n from a l o ng-ra n ge v i s i o n based on deeper val ues. Atta i n m e n t s t h a t b r i n g u s speedy rew a rd s o r recogn i t ion

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h ave a strong a p pea l , fo r t h ey rel i eve t h e i m m ed i ate p ressu re u po n u s . We m a y feel we h ave n o c h o i c e : O u r profess i o n o r pos i t i o n d e m a n d s t h a t we d e m o n strate p ro g ress i n s pec i f i c ways i n accord w i t h fixed goa l s . B u t each new atta i n m e n t m ay s u st a i n u s o n l y briefly, wh i l e d i strac t i n g u s fro m m o re su bsta n t i a l acco m p l i s h m e n t s . As o n e goa l i s rea c h e d , a n i n i t i a l r u s h of pleasu re i s fo l l owed by a period of u n certa i n ty w h e n o u r en ergy l evel may be somewh a t d e p ressed. Then we esta b l i sh a new goa l a n d m o t i vate o u rselves to m eet t h e new c h a l l e nge. As we rest art o u rselves aga i n and aga i n , o u r energy g rows e r ra t i c , eve n t u a l l y wast i ng i t s e l f i n t h e stoppi ng a n d start i n g, a n d l eav i n g u s ex h a u sted. W e may reach a poi n t w h ere we l o se o u r sense o f d i rect i o n or j u st c a n n o t face a n o t h e r repet i t i o n of t h e cyc l e . O u r v i s i o n m a y s h o rten so m uc h t h at o u r goal i s s i m p l y t o get t h rough t h e d ay. As we g row o ld e r, t h ose of us w h o h ave p l ayed the game w e l l may feel sec u re in o u r pos i t i o n . But t h e greater o u r s u ccess, t h e m o re l i ke l y s o m e o n e w i l l fi n d u s a n i rres i st i b l e c h a l l enge. Sec u rity i s l i ke l y t o fade after we h ave rea c h ed a n d pa ssed o u r p r i m e . Aware that we a re con s i d ered less d e s i r a b l e a n d u sefu l w i t h age, we experi ence any loss of a t t ractiven ess, s k i l l s, talents, o r expert i se with grow i n g u n ea s i n ess, espe c i a l ly as we watch yo u n ger, m o re v i go ro u s peo p l e prepare to take o u r p l ace. More vu l n e ra b l e to o l d g r u d ges, we m ay s u ffer t h e pai n of be i n g left beh i n d wh i l e o t h ers take p l eas u re i n o u r weakness. Yet o u r n a t u ra l des i re to preserve o u r sel f-es teem i s strong, a n d t o p rotect o u r pos i t i o n a n d reputat i o n , w e m ay bec o m e even m o re ded i cated to

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p l ay i n g t h e g a m e . T a k i ng o u r ro l e s m o re se r i o u s l y than ever, we may fi n d our l i ves beco m i n g m o re rigid and a rt i fi c i a l . Even i f t h e ga m e beco mes oppress i ve, we h ave l i tt l e c h o i c e b u t to con t i n u e . Long after we t i re of p l ay i ng, t h e h a b i t of t ry i ng to w i n a n d t h e fear of l o s i n g re m a i n w i t h u s . Meas u r i n g o u r prog ress i n l i fe aga i n st extern a l s t a n d ard s, w e d o n o t c o n s i d er o u rse lves i n t r i n s i c a l l y worth w h i l e, a n d o u r sense of sel f-esteem i s never sec u re. A l w ays on the defens ive, g ra s p i n g for what s u p po rt s our pos i t i o n , we h e s i tate to t ru st o u rselves or fo l l ow o u r own va l u es. W i t h o u t rea l l y want i n g to, we m ay fi n d o u rselves ' g o i n g w i th t h e flow', u n w i l l i n g to r i s k o u r po s i t i o n by sta n d i n g u p for what we be l i eve i n . We m ay be gai n i ng o u r presti ge, stat u s , wea l t h , o r power a t t h e c o s t o f o u r i n tegrity. When co m pet i t i o n d o m i n ates our way of l i vi ng, o u r w h o l e sense of sel f-esteem can co m e to depend o n meet i n g sta n d a rd s set by oth ers. O ften t h ese m eas u res h ave bec o m e so n a t u ra l or seem so r i g h t to u s, espec i a l ly i f we a re s uccessf u l , t h a t i t c a n be d iffi c u l t to rea l i ze t h at we h ad no part in t h e i r c reat i o n . S o m e standard s seem m ore object ive t h a n o t h ers, s u c h as s t a n d a rd s of accu racy or q u a l ity t h at reflect t h e re l i a b i l i ty o f o u r p rod u c t o r s k i l l ; h e re w e receive feed back from o u r own resu l t s . But other sta n d a rds a re not necessari l y i n h ere n t i n t h e work i t sel f . G u i d e l i n es s e t by ot h e rs c a n g ive u s a n extern a l m ea s u re of h ow we l l w e a re d o i ng, b u t c a n n o t m ea s u re o u r sense of fu l fi l l m e n t , o u r enjoyment, o r even necessari l y how m u ch w e are l earn i n g or deve l o p i n g o u r s k i l l s. O n c e we h ave beco m e dependent on m eas u r i n g our s u ccess aga i n st s u c h stand ards,

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we may lose touch w i t h o u r own i n t r i n s i c wort h . Even though we c o n s i d e r o u rselves s u ccessf u l by soci ety's standards, beneath o u r striv i n g a n d agg ressive veneer, we m ay feel i nc rea s i n g l y u n certa i n .

n oo k i n g back over o u r l i ves i n o u r l ater yea rs, w i l l l...6 we be sat i sfi ed w i t h t h e l egacy we are c rea t i ng ? Wi l l oth ers benefi t from o u r re p u tat i o n , o u r s t a t u s, o u r prest ige? H ow m u c h good w i l l co m e o f o u r wea l t h ? Perhaps w e c a n l eave a n i n h eritance t o o u r c h i l d re n and gra n dc h i l d re n , b u t i n o u r h earts we k n o w that fi n a n c i a l or soc i a l att a i n m e n t s are u l t i m ately a poor measure of our p r i celess en e rgy a n d t i m e . Ac h i evements s u c h as at h l e t i c ab i l i ty, wea l t h , prest i ge, power, a n d f a m e p rov i d e p l ea s u re as o rn a m e n t s t o h u m a n l i fe, a n d can be u sed i n ways t h a t benefit oth ers. B u t when we co m e to d e p e n d u pon anyth i n g t h at can be lost with t i m e a s t h e m e a s u re of our va l u e a s h u m a n bei ngs, we c reate t h e co n d i t i o n s f o r reg ret l ater i n o u r l i ves. A l l that is rea l l y o u rs is i n o u r h e ad s and h ea r t s . O u r most p rec i o u s a n d h a rd-won possess i o n i s o u r yea rs o f l ivi ng, l earn i n g, a n d experi e n c i n g . N o l u x u ry can com pare to t h e sat i sfact i o n t h a t comes from a c l ea r m i nd a n d a body vi brant w i th good fee l i ngs. When we deve l o p a deep a pprec i a t i on for t h e ri c h es we bear wi t h i n o u rselves, we c a n d raw u po n a n open store house of sati sfact i o n in o u r l ater years. Th i s is the o n l y rea l s u p po rt w e c a n re l y on as w e pass fro m t h i s l i fe. I f o u r l i fe h a s been f u l l a n d deeply sat i sfy i n g, we can ap proach the end of o u r d ays w i t h the sense of arrivi ng at a we l l -earned res t . But if we h ave spent m uch of our time a n x i o u s a n d d i ss a t i sfied, d o m i n ated

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by ro l es, a n d o u t of touch w i t h o u r own val ues, what e m pt i n es s m i g h t we feel as we a p p roach our l ast days ? Yet most of u s m u st l i ve a n d work i n t h e st ressfu l rea l m of co m pet i t i o n . H o w c a n we protec t ou rse lves? We can begi n by awa k e n i n g a g reater u nd erst a n d i n g o f o u r o w n i n n e r reso u rces and b y re l axi n g o u r d e pe n d e n cy u po n t h e j u d g m e n t s of ot h e rs. W e c a n l e a rn to t r u st o u rse lves i n new ways, s o t h a t wha tever m i stakes we may m a k e w i l l n o t catch u s i n t h e crossfi re of exc u ses a n d b l a m e t h at occur i n ev i t a b l y when we b l i n d l y fo l l ow m od e l s esta b l i s h ed by others. When we l ea r n to t r u s t o u rsel ves, wh atever we do w i l l express a deep i n n e r i n tegri ty t h a t s u p po rt s o u r sense of va l ue a n d worth t h ro u g h t h e m ost d i ffi c u l t t i m es, a n d paves t h e way to far greater acco m p l i s h m e n t . W h e n we res pect o u r o w n va l u e, we become more aware of t h e va l u e o f o t h e rs . We c a n v i ew t hose we c o n s i d e r com peti t o rs m o re as fe l l ow h u m a n bei ngs who a re c h a l l e n g i n g us to deve l o p o u r t a l e n t s fu l l y and t o perform at o u r best. I n ac k n ow l e d g i n g t h e i r wort h , w e reaffi r m c o n fi de n c e i n o u r own wort h a l so. Then i t i s poss i b l e to take o u r ro l e s l e s s seri o u s l y a n d p l ay t h e g a m e m o re l i g h t ly, h e l p i n g o u rse lves and others to d erive rea l e n j o y m e n t from what we d o . As o u r a p prec i at i o n b road e n s to enco m pass a l l w h o h ave i n some way con t r i b u ted t o o u r welfa re, w h e t h e r t h ey be p a ren ts, teac hers, f r i e n d s, or even riva l s , o u r sense o f res p o n s i b i l i ty towa rd o t h e rs g rows deeper and st ro nger. Less d i rected to i m med iate g a i n , o u r v i s i o n n a t u ra l l y exte n d s fu rt h e r i n to t h e f u t u re, e n a b l i n g us to d evelop l o n g - ra n ge goa l s . S u s t a i ned by v i s i o n , o u r e n e rgy flows m ore s m oot h l y a n d is m o re d i recte d . We do n o t beco m e so exc i ted a bo u t sh ort-

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term ga i n s, or so d e p ressed a bo u t o u r fai l u res o r shortco m i ngs. W h e n w e reach poi n t s t h a t m a rk a cert a i n level of a c h i eve m e n t , we c a n s i m p l y t a k e note of t h em a n d pass o n , a l l ow i n g t h e m o m en t u m of o u r en ergy t o bu i l d w i t h each acco m p l i s h m e n t . Even t u a l l y t h e substa n t i a l resu l t s of o u r efforts w i l l g i ve u s g reat sat i sfact i o n . w e a re d i s i l l u si o n ed w i t h t h e ro l e s soci ety o ffers u s, and a re u nw i l l i n g or u n a b l e to p l ay t h e c o m pet i t i ve game, we c a n , i n stead , fi nd ro l es t h a t a re u n i q u e l y o u r own a n d bu i l d w i t h i n o u rselves a new u n d e rsta n d i n g o f what i t m ea n s to b e a s u ccessf u l h u m a n b e i n g . Bas i n g o u r l i ves o n th i s k n ow l ed ge, w e c a n d eve l o p o u r i n ner reso u rces to t h e f u l lest. Even i f n o o n e e l se su pports u s, even i f we can see no m a te r i a l rewa rd s i n what we w i s h t o do, we can d eve l o p o u r t a l e n ts and abi l i t i es, a n d devo te t h e m to goa l s we c o n s i d e r wort h w h i le. If

We m i g h t fi nd t h at our m o st va l u a b l e c o n t r i b u t i o n t o soci ety l i es i n fo l l ow i n g o u r o w n sense of w h a t t r u l y en riches h u m a n l i fe. W h a tever c o n t r i b u t i o n s w e make to the wel fare of o t h e rs, wh atever k n o w l edge we can offer to u p l ift the q u a l i ty of l i fe w i l l refl ect back to u s, e n ri c h i n g our own l i ves a s we l l . O u r t i m e a u t o m a t i ca l l y bec o m es m o re va l u a b l e; w e a re worth wh i l e t o ou rselves, a n d we a r e u sefu l t o o t h e rs. B ased o n a h i gher u n d ersta nd i n g of h u m a n va l u e, o u r act i o n s can heal the c o n fl ict i n here n t in co m pet i t i o n . W e c a n c l a r i fy w h a t w e h ave l ea r n ed to o u rselves and pass o n the benefi t s of o u r k n ow l edge to o t h e rs by ack nowledg i n g f u l l y t h e pai n a n d c o n f u s i o n t h a t h ave l ed u s to reco n s i d e r o u r o l d v i ews. W h e re d i d w e start? W h a t steps d i d we take, w i t h i n o u r hearts

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a n d m i nd s , to c h a nge t h e c o u rse of o u r l i ves? What k n o w l edge s u s ta i n s and g u ides us? O u r i n n er s uccess w i l l i n s p i re o t h e rs w h o feel ca u g h t up in frustration a n d pai n , h el p i ng them fi n d w i t h i n t h e m selves the k n ow l edge t h ey n eed to g u i d e their own l ives. When o u r v i s i o n transcen d s sel f - i n terest, and we o ffer o u r t i m e and e n e rgy to benefit o t h ers, we set o u rsel ves free from the f r u s t rat i o n and a n x i ety i n h er ent i n i d e n t i fy i n g o u rselves perso n a l l y w i t h a goa l . We a re no lo nger co m p e l led to vac i l l a te between self congratu l a t i o n and fee l i ngs of i n adeq u acy. S h i ft i n g from a perso n a l l y o r i ented v i ewpo i n t t o a more e n co m pass i n g v i s i o n i m parts u n s h a k a b l e stren gth and confi dence. When we feel i n w a rd l y free a n d b a l a n ced, i n s p i red by a h i gher k n ow l edge a n d v i s i o n , we c a n cooperate w i t h oth ers to a c h i eve res u l t s fa r beyo n d what one i nd iv i d u a l could h o pe to accom p l i s h . Cooperat ive a c t i o n s perfo rmed for t h e benefi t of a l l open u p poss i b i l i t i e s for u nceasi n g sati sfac t i o n , setti ng i n m o t i o n a w i l l i n g n ess t o s h a re that c o u l d gen erate i nva l u a b l e res u l t s far i n to t h e f u t u re.

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See i n g Th ro u g h Pa i n

A s we become more neutral observers of o u r pain, we may be able to sense its cloud-like character.

,\\ [:1 17 i t h a l l l i fe, we s h a re a vu l n e ra b i l i ty to pai n . \J \J I n fact, w e a re s o acc u sto m ed t o p a i n t h a t i t m ay g o u n n ot iced u n less o u r d i sc o m fort i s pro l o n ged or is u n u s u a l l y i n tense. F ro m o u r b i rt h to o u r deat h , i t i s u n u s u a l for a s i n g l e d ay t o pass w i t h o u t fee l i n g some sort of pa i n . Th e re a re t h e c o m m o n p a i n s of m i nor b u rn s , of h eadache, tooth ac h e , and i n d i ge s t i o n ; t h e mo re severe p a i n s o f a rt h r i t i s, u l cers, a n d other c h ro n i c con d i t io n s ; the pain of i n n u m e ra b l e d i seases and d i sab i l i t i es; the pai n of worry i n g a bo u t vagu e ly d i sq u i e t i n g sen sat i o n s t h at myste r i o u s ly come a n d go. Even i f we are spared m uc h physical pa i n , we c a n not escape fro m t h e e m o t i o n a l s u ffe r i n g of a n ger, re ject i o n , a n d jea l o u sy i n re l a t i o n s h i ps; worry a n d fear about the welfa re of o u r pare n t s o r c h i l d re n ; a n x i ety about our jobs; u n certa i n ty a b o u t t h e f u t u re. T h e l i st of e mot i o n a l pa i n s we com m o n l y feel can go on a n d o n . Pa i n i s nearly a c o n s t a n t c o m pa n i o n i n o u r l i ves.

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A l t h o u g h we c a n d i s m i s s m i nor p a i n s , stronger or more pers i st e n t pai n s a re m o re d iffi cu l t to t o l erate. T h e m o re v u l n e ra b l e we a re to pa i n , the mo re we fee l t h e need fo r pro tec t i o n , b u t o u r a t t e m pts to protect ou rsel ves a re g ro u n d ed in avo i d a n c e a n d a re s e l d o m sati sfact o ry; t h ey tend to d u l l o u r sen s i t i vity a n d i n te rfere with our enjoyment of l i fe. Wh i l e we can somet i m es l essen p a i n 's i m pact by n u m b i n g t h e sen ses, d i st ract i n g o u rsel ves, o r t ry i n g to ignore i t , w e h ave no w a y to con t ro l i t s cou rse a n d d u ra t i o n . We h ave no way to d e a l w i t h pai n d i rect ly. Th i s i s part i c u l ar l y t r u e of e m ot i o n a l d i st ress, w h i c h i s even h a rd er to treat t h a n phys i c a l d i sc o m fort. It see m s i m po rt a n t to see i f we can respo n d to pa i n m ore c o n s t r u ct ively. J u st as w e c a n show a c h i l d how to rid h i m se l f of fear of t h e d a rk by ca l m i ng h i m and e n c o u rag i n g h i m to see t h e re i s n o rea l ba s i s for fear, we can encou rage ou rse lves to look m o re c l osely at t h e i n te rn a l d y n a m i c of pa i n , l i ghten i n g o u r b u rden and free i n g o u rselves fro m fear. When we l o o k at pa i n c l o se l y, we can see that the basis fo r t h e fear of p a i n is a sense of sepa rat i o n between o u rselves a n d everyt h i n g e l se i n o u r wo r l d . T h e s t ro n ger o u r sen se of separat i o n , t h e m o re we try to b a l a n c e and co n t ro l o p pos i n g forces i n a n effort to get what we w a n t . T h e m o re we a n t i c i pate h a p p i n ess, a n d t h e m o re energy we i nvest i n con t ro l l i ng s i t u a t i o n s to accord w i t h o u r d es i res, t h e m o re p a i n w e experi ence when o u r expectat i o n s a re d i sa p po i n ted, or when we f i n d o u rselves c a u g h t up in s i t u a t i o n s we a re u n a b l e to c o n t ro l . O u r m i n d s a re con t i n u a l l y b a l a n c i n g a n i n t ricate network of pressu res t h at potent i a l l y t h reaten o u r

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sense of con t ro l and l ead to pa i n : o u r d r ive to a c h i eve vers u s o u r fea r of fa i l u re; o u r i d e a l s vers u s o u r capa b i l i t i es; soc i a l obl i ga t i o n s vers u s fa m i l y d u t i es; fa m i l y d u t i e s ver s u s work respo n s i b i l i t i e s; o u r d e s i res vers u s the n eed fo r rest ra i n t . O u r h a p p i ness may c o m e t o depend u pon b a l a n c i ng t h ese i n te r n a l pressu res wh i l e d o i ng wh atever we can to co n t ro l cond i t i o n s a n d events. T h e n eed to con t ro l i s re i n forced b y our cond i t i o n i n g . Soc i a l conven t i o n s set s t a n d ard s of b e h avior a n d pol i teness t h a t d e m a n d rest ra i n t; o u r concern a b o u t o u r s e l f - i mage fo rces u s to adopt a cert a i n s t y l e o f express i o n . W e engage i n e l a borate g a m e s t h a t s u p port o u r part i c u l a r v i e w of o u rse lves as we l l a s t h e gen eral a ppearance of i nd e p e n d e nce a n d s e l f-contro l . B u t i n fact o u r sense o f sec u r i ty d e pe n d s u pon m as ter i n g i n te rl oc k i n g sets of m a n i p u l at i ve patterns. We m a n i p u late oth ers, w h i l e oth e rs m a n i p u l ate u s, as we all vie for posi t i o n , a ssert our w i l l , res i st a t t e m p t s a t d o m i n a t i o n , or sea rc h f o r ways to acco m m od at e confl i c t i n g i n te rests. F e a r c a n a r i se w h e n ever t h i s b a l a n c e i s t h reatened, en m esh i n g u s i n a n x i ety o r even a ro u s i n g fee l i ngs of p a n i c . Wh i l e o u r m i n d s a re preocc u p i ed w i t h m a i n ta i n i n g balance, o u r sen ses a re a l e rt a n d n a t u ra l ly a t tracted to st i m u l a t i o n . Perc e i v i n g and re spo n d i ng, o u r sen ses lead our energy o u tward toward any s i t u at i o n , en gag ing our m i n d s in pe rce pt i o n s before we a re aware of what i s h a p pe n i n g . G o i n g a l o n g w i t h t h i s c u rrent h a s beco m e h a b i t u a l ; we engage a n d respond to st i m u l a t i o n s a u to m a t i c a l l y . By t h e t i m e o u r m i n d s i n te rpret a sensa t i o n as pa i n , we a re al ready i nvo lved , react i n g to s t i m u l a t i o n . O n ce o u r m i n d s a n d senses a re c l i n g i ng t o pa i n , w e h ave l ost t h e opport u n i ty to p rotect

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o u rs e l ves. U n a b l e to perc e ive t h i s process at work, we k now o n l y t h a t we a re ' i n p a i n '. T h u s , a s fa m i l i a r as we a re w i t h pa i n , i t often catc h es us u nawares. By l a be l i n g the sen sat i o n as pai n a n d t h e n res po n d i n g, we a l so engage a n d m a rry i t . O u r a t t e m pts to reje c t it, to p u s h i t away, o n l y d i st r i b u te pai n t h ro u g h o u t t h e body a n d bac k to t h e senses. W here c a n t hese i m pu l ses go? O u r se nses h ave no way to re lease t h e m ; a l l t h ey can do is recyc le p a i n b a c k to t h e m i nd , w h i c h g rows i nc reas i n gly agi ta ted . M ore t h o u g h t s a r i se, st i m u l a t i n g t h e cyc le aga i n and i n te n s i fy i n g the sen sat i o n of pa i n . We a re then suf fu sed with pa i n ; we i d e n t i fy o u rselves w i t h i t , be come one with it. W e h ave n o c h o i c e but to c l i n g to p a i n , as t h o u g h we h ad gra s ped a h i g h -vol tage w i re. Tenac i o u s and so m et i m es fright e n i n g in its i n ten s i ty, pa i n a p pears, l i ke a vi ru s, to i n vade our bod ies a n d m i n d s fro m t h e o u t s i d e . Sen s i n g t h a t we are an i n nocent byst a n d e r and a vic t i m , we look for some t h i n g o r someone to b l a m e, b u t t h i s on ly ag i tates u s m ore, i n t e n s i fy i n g p a i n a n d pro l o n g i n g i t s d u ra t i o n . Certa i n t h o u g h t s o r act i v i t i es s u c h as l i sten i n g to m u s i c or read i ng c a n so m e t i m e s d i stract u s from p a i n , b u t i t t e n d s to ret u rn w h e n w e s to p . Try i n g to rest ra i n o u r fee l i n gs o n ly i nc reases i n ternal p ressu res a n d m a kes t h e pai n worse. W h e n p a i n arises see m i n g l y f ro m n owh ere, and t h e re is no t h i n g exte r n a l we can b l ame, o u r l o g i c forces us to turn b l a m e on o u rselves. U n a b l e to re l i eve t h i s k i n d of p ressu re, we m ay convi nce o u rse lves t h at th ere i s no hope for rel i e f a n d trap o u rselves i n a down ward s p i ra l of g u i l t a n d se l f- i n c ri m i n a t i o n .

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No m atter how h a rd we try to avo i d p a i n f u l s i t u a t i o n s , powerf u l forces beyo n d o u r c o n t rol affect u s . There see m s to be no w a y to avo i d experi e n c i n g p a i n i n o u r l i ves. We c a n n o t do m i n ate o u r e n v i ro n m e n t , nor h ave w e any power over t i m e, w h i c h l e a d s u s i n evi t a b l y i n to agi n g a n d death . N o m atter h ow s t ro n g o r i n fl u e n t i a l w e a re, w e enco u n t e r s i t u at i o n s w e cannot c o n t ro l . We are c a u g h t i n a n i m possi b l e s i t u ati o n : We h ave no r e a l contro l , y e t o u r se n se of we l l b e i n g depen d s u pon o u r a b i l i ty t o c o n t ro l . T h e m o re vigoro u s l y we i n s i s t u pon c o n t ro l , t h e m o re v u l n er a b l e we are to frustra t i o n a n d p a i n . T h e fact t h a t we h ave a h u m a n body su bject to fee l i n gs, t h o u g h ts, m e m ories, a n d e m ot i o n s see m s t o conde m n u s to p a i n . Where i s t h e re a safe ref uge from pa i n ? Even i f o u r presen t c i rc u m stances a r e c o m fo rt a b l e, i n a fl a s h a pa i n f u l m e m o ry o r t h e a n t i c i pat i o n of a n u n p l easant s i tuation can bring u s e m o t i o n a l s u fferi n g . K n o w i n g t h i s serves to i n c rease o u r f e a r of pa i n . F e a r i n i ts e l f i s pa i n f u l ; i t c a n become o p p ressive, n u m b i n g o u r sen ses and c l o s i n g o u r hearts to others .

� hough i t see m s we h ave n o protec t i o n aga i n s t t h e U power of pa i n a n d fear, we c a n c h oose to look at pa i n d i fferen t l y a n d ac t u a l l y u s e fearf u l t i m e s or h u rtfu l m em ories to break p a i n 's h o l d . When we see that o u r efforts to p u s h p a i n away do not · b r i n g u s re l i ef, w h y n o t reverse o u r respon ses a n d look d i rectly at the pain i t s e l f ? R e l a x i n g i n to t h e sensati o n s, l e tti n g t h em be, w e c a n l i gh ten t h e i r p ressu re a n d c a l m o u r m i nd s . O n ce w e cease t h i n k i n g o r t a l k i n g a bo u t t h e pai n , w e rem ove t h e bas i s for i d e n t i fy i n g o u rselves

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w i t h i t . We are no l o n ge r ru n n i n g away, b u t rest i n g w i t h i n t h e exper i e n ce, o bserv i n g w h at i s h a ppen i n g. When we a re in p a i n , o u r body is l i ke l y to be tense and c o n s t r i cted, o u r breath i n g t i g h t and fo rced . Re l a x i n g t h i s te n s i o n by stra i g h ten i n g the back, expand ing t h e c h est, and loosen i n g t h e stomach m u sc l es, we can ga i n some i m m ed i a t e re l i ef fro m pres s u re . By watc h i n g t h e fl ow o f t h e breath a n d a l lowi ng b reat h i n g to bec o m e smooth a n d reg u l ar, i t i s po s s i b l e to o p e n a space between ou rse lves a n d t h e pai n . W i t h i n t h i s space, w e c a n flow i n to and t h e n o u t of t h e p a i n we a re experi e n c i n g . W i t h each ou tward m ove m e n t of breath we c a n s i n k i n to t h e fee l i ngs, l i g h tly to u c h i n g t h e p a i n we a re fee l i n g . W i t h each i n ta ke, we can expand the space t h at c u s h i o n s us from the pa i n 's i n t e n s i ty. By d o i n g t h i s, we can v i ew pa i n a s sepa ra t e f ro m u s , a s a n object t h a t can b e exa m i ned m o re d i s p a s s i o n a t e l y . F ro m t h i s pers pect i ve we can observe its ebb and flow. If we m a i n ta i n concen t ra t i o n on t h e brea t h , we m i g h t sense a n i n ner move m e n t s u b t l y att ract i ng o u r aware n ess b a c k i nto t h e pa i n . W e m i g h t feel o u r m i n d a n d senses reac h i ng o u t to t h e sen sat i o n , b u t i s i t rea l l y necessary to res p o n d ? As a n experi m e n t , w e c a n sh i ft back a n d fort h , a l tern a t i n g between pay i n g atten t i o n to t h e breath a n d a l low i ng t h o u g h t s t o l i g h t l y touch the pa i n . U n d e rsta n d i n g the i n terac t i o n s of t h o u g h t a n d pa i n m ay l essen t h e ten s i o n of f e a r a n d c a s t new l i g h t on t h e n a t u re of o u r experi ence. Seei n g how eas i l y the m i n d and senses en gage p a i n , we can re m a i n concentrated on t h e rhyt h m of b reat h i n g , w h i l e st i l l be i n g aware of t h e pa i n in a more

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gen t le, open way. As we cease to res pond to t h e i m p u l ses we i n terpret as p a i n , t h e sensa t i o n of pa i n may modera te a n d pass, a l l o w i n g a m o re o pe n , l i g h ter state of m i n d to e m erge. With prac t i ce, it is poss i b l e to f i n d a po i n t of balance w i t h i n t h i s ' n e u t ra l see i ng', rest i ng w i t h i n i t s open ness, seek i n g n e i t h e r t o d raw pai n to u s n o r p u s h i t away. N e u tral seei ng a l lows l ig h t to penetrate t h e darkness c reated b y i n t e r n a l pressu res. I t re m oves t h e s h a rp n ess of pa i n a n d s t a b i l i zes m e n t a l c l a r i ty, open i n g t h e way to f u rt h e r a n a l ys i s. Eve n t u a l l y, i t m i g h t be pos s i b l e to see the w h o l e dyna m i c o f p a i n very c l ea rl y a n d to a p p rec i ate h ow we t r i c k o u rselves i n to en gag i ng it by not recog n i z i n g t h e s u bt l e i n te ra c t i o n s be tween o u r m i n d a n d senses. As we beco m e m o re neutral observers of our pa i n , w e m a y be a b l e t o s e n se i ts c l o u d - l i k e c h a racter. Clouds of c o n f u s i o n and pain envelop u s, b u t a re not act u a l l y con n ected to our b e i n g . We c a n m ove a bove t h em or below t h e m , observ i n g t h e i r s h a pes as if t h ey were i n te rest i ng fo r m s i n a c l ea r sky. O n l y w h e n we are in t h e i r m i dst do we become l o st i n t h e i r da rkness. U s i ng our i n t e l l i ge n ce to separate o u rselves from p a i n , w e c a n l i ghten o u r a t t ac h m e n t to nega t i ve e m ot i o n s a n d protect o u rselves fro m s u ffer i n g . Watc h i ng t h e d y n a m i c o f pai n , we c a n s e e t h a t on a very basic l eve l , our m i nd a n d sen ses respond to s t i m u l a t i o n s i n d i sc r i m i n a tely, n a t u ra l l y seek i n g out sen s a t i o n s; i t i s only l ater, w h e n we i d e n t i fy and label t h e sensa t i o n s as p l eas u re o r pai n t h a t we consc i o u sly accept or avo id t h e experi ence. In a sense, any st i m u l a t i o n i s l i ke ba i t o n a hook; by t h e t i m e w e feel t h e

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pangs of t h e hook, i t is fi rm ly i m p l a n ted . T h e o n l y ef fect i ve way to d e a l w i t h t h e s i t u a t i o n is to see how t h e hoo k is constructed, a n d learn how to detach o u r selves f ro m i t gent l y a n d c o m pass i o n a tely. T h e more often we p ract i c e detac h i n g o u rselves fro m pa i n , the m o re sk i l l ed we beco m e. K n ow i n g t h at i t i s possi b l e t o d e a l d i rectly w i t h p a i n , we c a n free o u rse lves from the a n x i ety that i n t e n s i fi es and perpet u a tes i t . W h e n w e s e e h o w s u b t l y w e d eceive o u rse l ves i n to e n ga g i n g a n d s u sta i n i n g w h at we w i s h most to avo i d , we can look m o re c l osely at o t h e r aspects of o u r experi en ce. P e r h a ps s i m i l a r patterns of i n te r n a l ma n i p u l a t i o n a re d i stort i n g o u r perc ep t i o n , m a k i n g o u r respo nses to s i t u a t i o n s m o re n egative t h a n t h ey h ave to be. K n owi ng t h at we do not h ave to i d e n t i fy so s t ro n g l y w i t h n egative fee l i ngs- strugg l i n g aga i n st t h e m or e n gag i n g i n e m o t i o n a l d ra m as-we can ex a m i n e a l l of o u r expe r i ence in a m o re objective l i g h t . I n t i m e, we m ay beg i n to n o t i ce how n egat ive e m o t i o n s a re l i n ked togeth er, as t h o u g h t h ey were the best of f r i e n d s . W h e n fear fi n d s a way i n t o o u r hearts, wo rry, a n x i ety, l o n e l i ness, and fee l i n gs of fa i l u re w i l l soon s h ow u p a s wel l , l oc k i n g u s i n to cyc les o f pressu re a n d recri m i n at i o n . O n c e o u r m i nd h a s become h eavy a n d d a rk , t h e w h o l e world beg i n s to look b l a c k , and p rob l e m s seem m o re so l i d and i m penetrable. B u t we do h ave a c h o i ce : I n respo n d i n g to e m ot i o n a l u rgi ngs, we h ave i nvi ted t h i s d a r k n ess i n to our m i nds; i n d et ac h i n g o u rs e l ves f ro m negative e m ot i o n s, w e can l i ghten t h i s d a r k ness a n d free o u rselves of a n u n wan ted b u rd e n . W h e n w e a c k n ow ledge t h a t w e are respo n s i b l e fo r o u r own p a i n , we h ave t h e key to u n l o c k i n effec t i ve patterns of avo i d a n c e . W i t h prac-

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t i ce, we can rep l ace rest ra i n t a n d fear of pa i n w i t h compass i o n a n d u nd ers tand i n g . Wh i l e we c a n n o t pred ict w h a t negat i ve m o o d s a n d att i t u d es w i l l a r i se from o n e m o m e n t to t h e next, w e c a n ga i n g reater u n dersta n d i n g of t h e i r orig i n s a n d momen t u m , a n d l e a r n to s h o rt e n t h e i r d u ra t i o n . S t rengthen i n g o u r awa ren ess l i t t l e b y l i t t l e, we c a n learn to l e t g o of h eavy, negative e m o t i o n s a n d i nv i t e l i gh ter, m ore pos i t i ve feel i n g s i n to o u r h e a rt s . When we see that it is possi b l e to be free of t h e fear of p a i n , w e c a n t a k e c h a rge of o u r l ives m o re e ffec t i v e l y a n d fi nd w i t h i n a l l aspects o f ex perience a path way t o self-know l edge.

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C H A PT E R 25 : I MA G E S O F D E S I R E

I mages of h a p p i ness

249

M i nd's response to i mages

249

Q u est for t h e i m age I m ages and m e m ory

250

Preocc u pa t i o n w i t h wan t i n g

251

T h r i l l of the q u est Match i n g i m ages to ex peri e n ce

251

D i stort i o n of experi ence

253

The wa n t i n g m i nd

254

D es i re and m a n i p u l a t i o n

255

Desi re a n d t e n s i o n

255

F reez i n g expe rience I l l u sory n a t u re of i m ages

256 256

I mages and t h e passage of t i m e

256

E n d of t h e d re a m

257

Awaken i n g to i m m ed i ate exper i e n ce

257

251

252

C H A PT E R 26 : T R E A S U RY OF E X P E R I E N CE

Ways to m ea n i n g a n d s a t i sfact i o n

259

Expe rience: open i n g to m ea n i n g The way of act i o n : wea l t h of a c t i v i t y

260 260

E n r i c h i n g i n n er ex perience

261

The i n ner way: wea l t h of i m a g i n a t i o n

262

Yearn i n g: m essage for co m m i t m e n t

263

T h e c r i t i c a l way: wea l t h of a n a l y s i s

264

O pe n i n g to a pprec i a t i o n

265

T h e i d ea l i s t i c way

266

Overco m i n g obstacles

261

T h e aest h et i c way: wea l t h of bea u ty

268

I nc reas i n g recept i v i ty

269

The way of re m e m brance

2 70

G i ft of expe r i e n c e

2 72

I nv i t a t i o n t o k n ow l edge

273

P rotec t i o n fro m d i sc o u rage m e n t

273

S h a r i n g t h e wea l t h of k n ow l edge

2 74

Va l ue of k n ow ledge

275

C H A PT E R 2 7 : G LO B A L K N O W L E D G E

L i m i ta t i o n s of k n ow l ed ge

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A p p rec i a t i n g h u m a n pote n t i a l

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Power o f awareness

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Awake n i n g k n o w l edge

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G lo b a l respo n s i b i l i ty

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D eve l o p i n g l o n g- range v i s i o n

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Concent rat i o n a n d t i m e

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L i n k i ng v i s i o n t o k n ow l edge

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G l o b a l k n o w l edge

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O pe n i n g l ayers of t i m e

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S h a r i n g a v i s i o n o f peace

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25

I m ages o f D e s i re

We can wake up at any time, simply by a cknowledging what we know.

rr ent u ries of poetry a n d song tes t i fy to t h e l o n g � i n g to love a n d be loved , to fee l a l ive a n d free, to be at peace, to u n d e rstand t h e m ea n i n g of l i fe. Though t h ese desi res seem deeply a part of h u m a n bei ngs, w e do n o t often o bt a i n w h a t w e w i s h for. Each of u s has person a l i m ages and i d eas re l ated to the des i re for h a p p i ness. L i ke t h e deta i l s of a pa i n t i n g, such i m ages c o m b i n e to m a k e u p o u r w h o l e p i c t u re of what we w a n t . So m e are i m ages of how we wou l d l i ke to be, how we wo u l d l i ke to l o o k a n d act. Some a re of our i d e a l m at e . We h ave d re a m s of h o u ses we wa n t to l ive in, c h i l d ren we wou l d l i ke to h ave, b u s i nesses we wi shed we owned, bank acc o u n t s we t h i n k we need. Our m i n d , l i ke a m asterfu l a rt i st , assem b l es t h e se i m ages i n d i ffere n t patterns a n d co m b i n a t i o n s, p re sent i n g us w i t h fi n i shed p i c t u res. W h e n one of t hese i m ages of pe rfec t i o n ari ses befo re the m i n d , we can

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feel o u r h e a rt p u l led toward i t : "Yes, t h at is what I w a n t . T h at wo u l d make m e h a p py." So we fo l l ow t h e i m age, searc h i n g t h e world a ro u n d u s fo r so m et h i n g correspon d i n g to o u r m e n t a l p i c t u re. It i s as though we d es i red a g reat and wo nderf u l t reas u re. W e a re g i ven o l d m a p s t h a t seem t o show t h e way- t h e path i s l a i d o u t a n d t h e locat i o n of t h e t reasu re i s p i n po i n ted. So we start o n o u r j o u rney, com pari n g t h e l a n dscape to t h e m a p, t ry i ng to o r i e n t o u rsel ves. F o r a w h i l e we m ay fee l we a re on t h e r i g h t t r a c k , b u t even t u a l ly we f i n d o u rse lves i n t h e m i dst of a scene t h a t was not on the m a p . T h e i m ages of h a p p i ness t h a t g u i de u s seem to bu i l d up over t i m e, begi n n i n g i n o u r c h i l d h ood. Some we rece i ve from our p a rents as we d i scover what m a kes them h appy a n d what t h ey want u s to be. T e l ev i s i o n p rogra m s, songs, and boo ks g i ve u s p i ctu res of l ove a n d ro m a n c e or exc i t i n g adve n t u res. Sm i l i n g faces l o o k o u t a t u s fro m posters, advert i se m en ts, and t e l evi s i o n , show i n g us h ow to be ha ppy. We recog n i ze t h e fee l i n g : " Yes, t h at i s how I want to l oo k- t h i s i s w h a t I m u s t do to be l oved. Th i s object wo u l d b r i n g m e joy. T h a t i s t h e k i n d of person I want t o m e e t . " A s i m age u pon i m age po u r i n to o u r m i nd, t h ey con nect i n e l a bo rate patterns. I mages of o u r early fantasies a n d i d e a l s i n s t i l l ed in u s by parents a re i n te rwoven w i t h i d eas learned fro m books or other sou rces. S i g h t s , scents, sounds, sen sat i o n s, and tastes assoc i a ted w i t h a p l easant m e m o ry can each evo ke a fee l i n g of d e l i g h t . Co m b i ned w i t h deta i l s of other m em o r i e s o r i m ages, t h ey c a n fo rm com posi tes that d e l i g h t a n d bew i tch u s, l u ri n g u s o n .

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T h i s co l l ec t i o n o f i m ages, each l oaded w i t h fee l i n g, forms our idea of h a p p i ness. We i m a g i n e n o t in t h e abstract b u t i n t h e concrete. F a m e, l ove, s u ccess- as soon as the t h o u g h t a r i ses, a w h o l e series of i m ages may flash t h ro u g h o u r m i n d s l i ke e p i sodes o f a story. Our m i n d s seem to respo n d with g reat zest and energy to i m ages . We c a n reca l l m o m e n t s of p l e as u re a nd pai n , and re l ive t h e j oy o r h u rt assoc i ated w i t h t h e memory. I t i s si m i l a r to t h e way w e rea c t t o a m o v i e . A l t h o u g h w e k n ow t h a t t h e i m ages are n ot rea l , w e become a bso rbed i n t h e d ra m a a n d res pond as t h o u g h we were act u a l l y l i v i n g t h e exper i e n ces. We fi n d o u rselves h o l d i n g o u r breath i n su spen sefu l m o m en t s or w i p i ng tears fro m o u r eyes a t a h a ppy e n d i n g . Actors know t h i s m a g i c a l q u a l i ty o f t h e m i n d a n d u s e t h e i r own m e m o ri e s to evo ke t h e fee l i ngs t h ey w a n t to port ray. Whenever a d e s i r a b l e i m age a ri ses i n o u r m i nds, we feel t h e l o n g i n g con n ected with i t , a n d our m i n d reaches o u t , expec t i n g sat i sfact i o n . T h e i m age fasc i nates u s a n d st i rs u s a t t h e same t i m e, i n crea s i n g o u r longi ng. B u t t h e i m age i s o n l y a n i m age; i n i tself i t cannot sati sfy u s , o n l y te m pt u s o r w h e t o u r a p pet i te. So we search our s u rro u n d i n g s for so m et h i n g that w i l l match t h e i m age. The q u est evo ked by a n i m age often has a t h r i l l i n g q u a l i ty as w e a n t i c i pa t e o u r treasu re j u st a ro u n d t h e next corner. I f w e d o not fi n d i t , we m ay sett l e f o r so met h i n g c l ose, t h o u g h a l ways h o l d i n g b a c k a part of o u r apprec i a t i o n . So m e t i m es we t h i n k we h ave fo u n d i t , a n d o u r en ergy su rges toward t h e d es i red goa l , object, o r perso n . In t i m e, h oweve r, o u r n ew l ove

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or possessi o n a n d o u r i m age beg i n to s l i p a part as we n o t i c e q u a l i t i es t h a t d o n o t fi t w i t h w h at we expected .

nD y t h e t i m e we a re i n o u r t h i rt i es, most of us LQ) h ave spent co n s i d er a b l e eff o rt t ry i n g to match s i t u a t i o n s and peo p l e to o u r d es i red i m ages. B u t the m at c h is n ever perfect or end u ri ng, and the l o n g i n g t e n d s t o pers i s t . S o m e h ow o u r m i n d s a re convin ced o u r i d e a l exi sts- i f we j u s t l o o k a l i t t l e h a rder o r l o nger, we sh a l l f i n d i t . Fol l ow i n g d rea m s year after year, h ow m a n y o f u s h ave fo u n d w h a t w e w a n t ? Some o f u s m ay have come very c l ose, a m a z i n g l y c l o s e : " I f o n l y I 'd had a l i tt l e m o re t i m e, m o re mo ney, o r m o re pers i stence, i t wo u l d h ave worked. T h i s t i m e i t d i d not work o u t , b u t next t i m e it w i l l . " Beca u s e w e h ave f e l t a t t racted t o o u r i m ages for so l o n g , we eas i l y m i stake t h e des i re t h ey st i m u l ate for spo n t a n eo u s a p p rec i a t i o n o r l ove. B u t l ove and a p prec i a t i o n touch the l i v i n g world w i t h a gen t l e open h a n d , wh i l e des i re reac hes out and g rasps objects forc i b l y, destroy i n g t h e l i v i n g p rese nce. Though we h ave i n vested so m u ch t i m e and en ergy i n des i re, do we ever q u est i o n w h e t h e r o u r i m ages are l e ad i n g u s to t h e h a p p i ness we see k ? I f we look t h ro u g h o u r m e m o r i es, even back i n to o u r ch i l d h ood , can we f i n d a t i m e w h e n we got exa c t l y what we i m ag i ned-somet h i n g t h a t m ade u s feel exac t l y the w ay we h ad expected , a n d l a sted as l o n g as we t h o u g h t i t wou l d ? D i d o u r deepest m o m e n ts of h a p p i ne ss c o m e by c h a s i ng after an i m age or were t h ey spon taneous o r u n expected ?

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O u r i m ages are c o m po s i tes, c reated from m a n y so u rces over t i m e. W h a t rea l object, perso n , o r s i t u a t i o n cou l d m a t c h t h e m c o m p l et e l y ? As we look a t what i s befo re u s , we c o m p a re i t w i t h what we want to fi n d : "Th i s i s n o t w h a t I wan ted, t h a t i s n o t a p pea l i ng"- so we say, w i t h o u t lett i n g what i s prese n t speak fo r i ts e l f . I f o u r fi rst i m pres s i o n see m s to m atch o u r i m age, we grasp fo r i t refl ex ive ly, i g n o r i n g t h e q u a l i t i es t h at do not f i t i n w i t h o u r expecta t i o n . T h e process of j u d g i n g based on o u r i m ages d ra i n s the v i ta l i ty a n d bea u ty fro m exper i e n c e . Fasc i n ated by the i mage of what we want a n d exc i ted by t h e pros pect of fi n d i n g it, o u r m i n d does not h ave the open, receptive q u a l i ty t h a t wo u l d a l low u s to see what presents i tse l f. J u st as a n agi t ated poo l of water l o ses its refl ect ive property, t h e m i n d s t i rred up by i m ages loses i ts c l a ri ty and d i storts w h a t a p pears before i t . W e h ave a l l h ad m o m e n t s of deep q u i e t w h e n w e looked aro u n d w i t h a fresh gaze, a n d t h e world seemed to come a l ive with color and v i b ra ncy. Tou ch i ng t h i s prec i o u s aspect of expe r i e n c e fi l l ed o u r b e i n g w i t h deep conten t m e n t a n d a p p rec i at i o n , re new i n g o u r body a n d m i n d . When we c h oose i n stead to fi l t e r o u r experi ence t h rough the stat i c i m ages we have c reated, we c u t o u rselves off fro m t h e p rese n t m o m e n t , t h e sou rce of true a p p rec i a t i o n . F i xated on o u r i m ages, w e c o m e u p e m pty- h a n d ed aga i n and aga i n . W h a t we seek ca n n o t be fo u n d , a n d w h a t i s present i s overloo ked. I t i s as though we wa n ted to sati sfy o u r h u nger w i t h pa i n t i n g s of foo d . W h e n t h e h u nger c o n t i n ues u n a bated, we sea rc h o u r pan try f o r some t h i n g t h a t m a tc h es o u r pa i n t i ngs. B u t

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t h e m o re att racted we a re to t h e p i ctu re, the less a p pea l i ng the rea l food seems to be- none of i t is q u ite right. Co m pa r i n g expe r i e n c e to o u r i m ages, we are left u n f u l fi l l e d . N o m atter how fi n e our i m age, the com pari ng d eg rades t h e rea l p resence befo re u s i n to a flat sensat i o n . U n n o u ri s hed, u n s u pported by o u r ex perience, we fee l e m pty i n s i d e. H u n gry for more, but not know i n g how to get it, we g row agi tated; when t h i s h u n ger pers i sts, we may fee l deeply frust rated . Agitat i o n fee d s o n i ts e l f, evo k i n g i m age a fter i m age t h a t sti m u l ates o u r h u nger even m o re. Th i s d ra m atic, c o l o rfu l m e n t a l a c t i vity can become t h e w h o l e of our i n ne r l i fe. Exci ted by o u r own c reat i o n , t h r i l led by our own e m o t i o n s, we t ry to fi l l our e m p t i n ess w i t h m o re a n d m o re st i m u l a t i o n . Fasci n ated b y t h e vi b rat i o n s of d e s i re, w e lose o u r sen s i t i v i ty t o m o re s u b t l e, l i g h te r sensat i o n s . W e come to req u i re m o re a n d m o re i n tense st i m u l at i o n to fee l a nyt h i ng at a l l . F u e led by desi res, o u r senses operate at so fast a rate that o u r perc e p t i o n d i storts and b l u rs. I t is as t h o u g h we were t rave l i n g in a l i g h t p l a n e powered w i t h a jet e n g i n e, fl y i n g at m a n y t i mes its normal speed . T h e body sh u d d e rs, and the scenery fl ies by so q u i c k l y that t h e i n s t r u m e n t s can not regi ster o u r pos i t io n . I n l h i s state of co n t i n u a l overd rive, t h e wa n t i n g m i n d m oves so ra p i d l y a n d erra t i ca l l y that it cannot m a k e con tact w i t h a n yt h i ng s u bsta n t i a l . Preoccu p i ed by o u r own needs, we tend to see t h e world a ro u n d u s as not h i n g m o re t h a n m e a n s to sati sfy o u r h u nger. O t h e r h u m a n b e i n g s are u sed and d i scarded in the

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name of h a p p i ness; the w o n d e rs of n a t u re beco m e mere scenery i n w h i c h w e act o u t o u r f a n t a s i es. W i t h o u t k n o w i n g what we a re d o i ng, we acc u st o m both body a n d m i nd to eve r i n c reas i n g d oses o f exc i tem e n t , t e n s i o n , a n d st i m u l a t i o n i n t h e effo rt t o fi l l o u r e m p t i ness. W e bec o m e t h e w i l l i n g v i ct i m s o f o u r own des i res, ready to r u n o u r l ives accord i n g to t h e i r d i ctates and req u i re m e n t s . T o obta i n w h at we w a n t fro m t h e w o r l d we m u st a l s o mea s u re u p to o t h e r peoples' fantasies. Aware t h a t o u r ap peara nce a n d behav i o r a re co n t i n u a l l y bei ng j udged and eva l uated, we c u l t ivate cert a i n q u a l i t i es, att i t u des, a n d ways of d ress i n g a n d ta l k i n g to p u t forth an acceptable i m age. O u r fea r of reject i o n m a kes us v u l nera b l e to m a n i p u l a t i o n . We b u y a l l sorts of goods to i m prove o u r i m age; we seek advice o n h ow to mod i fy our behav i o r and even o u r th i n k i n g, fee l i ngs, and percep t i o n s i n order to prese n t a d e s i ra b l e i m age. L i ke a h u n g ry gu est at a banq u et , we wish to fi l l o u r p l ate aga i n a n d aga i n , b u t a re s t o p ped by t h e d i sapprov i ng g l a nces fro m o t h e rs . O u r fear of reject i o n h o l d s o u r o w n desi res i n c h e c k . W e fi nd ou rse lves torn between o u r w i s h es, wh i c h a re st i m u l a ted by one set o f i mages, and o u r fears, wh i c h are st i m u l a ted by another set. A l t h o u g h we t ry to con t ro l o u r respo n ses, i t see m s we c a n n o t c h oose n o t to respo n d , e i t h e r to o u r desire or o u r fea r. The i m ages i n o u r m i n d s evo k e o u r emot i o n s a u t o m at i c a l ly. Trem e n d o u s tension can b u i l d up in our body a n d m i n d as w e vac i l l ate between o n e s e t of i m ages a n d anoth er. Th i s te n s i o n fu rt h e r co m pe l s u s to act-we m u st decide, we m u s t d o s o m e t h i n g. If o u r pen t - u p energy b u rsts o u t toward o u r i m age of d e s i re, t h e re l i ef

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we feel c a n convi nce u s t h a t we h ave ga i n ed con tact w i t h o u r gen u i n e n eeds. A l t h ough we fo l l ow our fabri cated p i c t u res fa i t h fu l ly, t h ey bet ray u s aga i n a n d aga i n . T h ey p rom i se u s sati sfact i o n , b u t t h ey bri n g u s fru strat i o n a n d pa i n . T h ey c u t o ff a n y exper i e n ce too dyn a m i c t o b e en c l o sed w i t h i n t h e m . L i ke t h e fra m es of a fi l m , o u r i m ages of des i re repeat f rozen scenes from o l d d ram as; ru n one a fter a no t h er, t h ey form a m o t i o n p i c t u re that never e n d s . I n t h e mot i o n p i c t u re of o u r l i ves, t h e p a s t i s n o m ore t h a n a seri es of i m ages, few of w h i c h evoke the p l ea s u re of the i m ages t h at a ro u s e our desi res in t h e prese n t . W h a t see m s so i m portant to us today may l i kew i s e m ea n l i t t l e tomo rrow; perh aps it w i l l even be fo rgotten . O u r present p l e a s u re s w i l l soon be d ream l i ke i m ages we c a n h a rd ly reca l l . Yet tod ay's desi res l ead us from o n e d ay to t h e n ext, f ro m one year to a n oth er, a n d fro m decade to decade. W i t h each p a ss i n g d ay, we c reate t h e co n d i t i o n s fo r the e m pty spaces we w i l l fi n d w h e n we look back u pon o u r l i ves i n t h e f u t u re. O f all the h o u rs we spend in a d ay, we may rem em ber o n l y a few eve n t s, a n d even fewer of t h e t h o u s a n d s of t h o u g h t s that p a s s t h ro u g h o u r m i n d s. Loo k i n g back over t h e past ten years, how m u ch stands out a s m e m o ra b l e ? Whole weeks, perh a p s m o n t h s, m ay h ave va n i s h ed c o m p l etely. H ow we l l c a n we re c a l l t h e fl avor of t h e expe r i e n c e we h ad yesterday, l ast m o n t h , or l ast year? As we p u l l t h e d re a m - i m ages of our h o pes and w i s h es to u s , we p roject ou rse lves i n to the f u t u re.

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Eager to sati sfy o u r d es i re s m o re q u i c k l y, we l e a p over t h e present m o m e n t . P reoc c u p i ed w i t h i mages a n d t h e c ha i n s of t h o u g h t t h ey p rod uce, we lose track o f t i m e . B u t o u r bod i e s do n o t forget t i m e; a t t u ned t o t h e l iv i n g moment, t h ey respond i n h armony t o i ts passi n g . L i n es appear on o u r faces, deepen i n to c rea ses, t h e n i n to wri n k l es a n d fo l d s . O u r sk i n loses i t s s m oo t h n ess a n d l u ster, beco m i n g s p o t t y a n d loose; o u r eyes g row d i m , and o u r ears lose t h e i r se n s i t i v i t y t o so u n d . I t beco m es h a rder to do t h i n gs we o nce d i d w i t h ease; o u r bones become m o re b r i t t l e; o u r j o i n t s s t i ff e n a n d ac he, rest rict i ng move m e n t a n d c rea t i n g a sen se of frustra t i o n . Food l oses its fl avor; g u m s grow soft e r; teeth loose n . Our e n e rgy ri ses m o re s l o w l y as s l eep be comes l ess sat i sfy i n g a n d d re a m s m o re d i s t u rb i n g . Even i n t h e m i dst of o u r c h a i n of d re a m s, we s e n se we are m ovi n g c l oser to t h e t i m e w h e n t h e d re a m i ts e l f w i l l e n d . Eve n t u a l l y t h i s k n ow l ed ge beco m e s o p p res s i ve, a n d we i nc reasi n g l y d i sl i ke rem i n d ers of o u r age. At some po i n t we awaken to fi n d t h a t we are n o l o nger t h e yo u t h f u l person of o u r d re a m . See i n g rea l i ty m o re c l early, w i l l we prefer death to l iv i n g w i t h o u t t h e d rea m ? W h e n we can no lo nger i g n o re t i m e, w i l l o u r d ream h ave been worth t h e d rea m i n g ? W i l l t h e e m p t i ness and l o n g i n g be t o o g reat to fac e ? W e can w a ke u p at a n y t i m e, s i m p l y b y acknow l edg ing what we know: T i m e is pass i n g, a n d t i m e is o u r l i fe. Awaken i n g now, w h i l e w e st i l l h ave m a n y pro d u c t ive years a h ead of u s, we can learn to tru l y en joy l i fe. Living in t h e c l ea r l i g h t of rea l i ty, we c a n be who l ly attu ned to t i m e, our l ife en ergy s u s t a i n ed by i ts dyn a m i c m o m e n t u m . L i be rated from t h e c o m p u l s i o n o f want i n g a n d j u d g i n g, o u r m i n d s c a n be fresh

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a n d a l ive, open to experience. C l earer v i s i o n a l l ows u s to esta b l i s h p r i o r i t i e s more wisely a n d l ive in a way t h a t wi l l protect u s fro m regret i n o u r o l d age. Knowing w h a t h as rea l va l u e, fo l low i n g our knowledge rather t h a n our i m ages, we c a n concentrate on b r i n g i n g o u r most c h e r i s h ed w i s h e s i n to b e i n g .

26

Trea s u ry of Experi e n ce

By observing our own experience, we can beg in this very instant to invite knowledge into our lives.

1J' nee k n ow l edge beg i n s to b r i ng d eeper m ea n i n g W

and bea u ty i n to our l i ves, the benefi t s of k n ow l edge bec o m e a pp a re n t . A t t h e beg i n n i n g o f ou r j o u r ney, however, we may sense t h e va l u e of k n ow l edge, but st i l l be u n a b l e to a p prec iate its fu l l taste a n d wort h . W i t h o u t rea l i z i n g w h a t we a re m i s s i n g, we may set t l e for m u c h l ess than we are c a pa b l e of, espe c i a l l y when ou r old a p p roach see m s to be b r i n g i n g h a p p i n ess a n d a sense o f va l u e i n to o u r l i ves.

Our a t t i t u des toward l i fe c a n beco m e such a part of us that we c a n n o t eas i l y q u est i on w h e t h e r t h ey a re t r u ly benefi t i n g u s , o r w h e t h er t h ey m ig h t be l i m i t i n g o u r freed o m a n d sati sfac t i o n . Comfo rta b l e w i t h o u r old ways, we tend to s h y away from i nvest igat i n g new poss i b i l i t ies. Perh a p s we a re convi n ced t h a t we a re get t i n g t h e most we can expect from l i fe. B u t i t i s a l ways poss i b l e to h ave second t h o u g h t s . A n u n ex pected eve n t , even a s i n g l e q u est i o n , can w i d e n o u r

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perspective a n d b r i n g greater mean i ng a n d va l u e to o u r l ives. I n a l lowi n g o u rselves t h e f reedo m t o q ue s t i o n and observe our experi en ce, we may d i scover new ap p ro ac h e s t h at w i l l e n ri c h o u r l ives a n d prepare u s for t h e i n ev i t a b l e c h a n ges that occ u r d u ri n g l i fe. Each q u e st i o n i n g m o m e n t can l i ghten the h o l d of h a b i t u a l ways of t h i n k i n g a n d act i n g, open i n g u p a l i t t l e room for so m et h i n g new to h a ppen . M a n y d i ffere n t I ifesty l es o ffer ways to fi nd m ea n i n g a n d va l u e i n l i fe. We m ay ga i n o u r g reatest p l easu res fro m the exc i te m e n t of n ew expe r i e n ces; or from the p l ea s u re o f a n a l yz i n g and u n d e rs t a n d i n g experi ence; o r fro m m o m en t s o f spec i a l bea u ty and i n s i ght. G o a l s a n d d re a m s c a n b r i ng m ea n i n g i n to o u r eve ryd ay l ives; or i t may be m e m o ri e s t h a t s u p port o u r fee l i ngs of a l i fe we l l l ived . I f we c a n i nvestigate a l l t h ese sources o f m ea n i n g , we m ay fi n d even r i c h e r m ea n i n g and va l u e t h a n we h ad d re a m ed poss i b l e. Pe rhaps we a re sett l i n g for a few d ro p s o f nectar when we c o u l d have a whole cup.

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u r l i ves a n d i n te rests m ay h ave devel o ped i n such � a way t h a t we f i n d o u r g reatest p l easu re i n keep i n g act ive and b u sy . We m ay e n j oy the exc i tement of new ideas and expe r i e nces, or perhaps we e n j oy k n ow i n g that we a re a l w ays do i n g som e t h i n g u sefu l with our t i m e . O u r l i ves are fu l l : We read books, develop h o b b i es, attend c u l t u ra l events o r perhaps do vo l u n teer work; or w e m ay j u st en joy ge t t i n g t o know d i ff eren t peo p l e . If we can a fford to, we m ay trave l to d i fferent c o u n t r i e s a n d exp l o re t h e c u stoms of

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d i fferent c u l t u res. Even m a k i n g p l a n s c a n g ive u s a sense of sati sfact i o n as we a n t i c i pate t h e n ew a c t i v i t i es of each day. A l t h ough such a l i fe m ay see m rich and rewa rd i n g, ou r move m e n t from one t h i n g to a n o t h e r can eas i l y deve lop a rest less q u a l i ty . We m ay fi n d i t d iffi c u l t to be a l one or to h ave no spec ific p l a n s for t h e d ay. We can ac t u a l l y feel g u i l ty if we ' waste' any of o u r t i m e, or i f we a re n o t fi l l i n g o u r l i ves com p l et e l y w i t h worthwh i l e p rojects o r act i v i t ies. O r boredom m ay n ag at u s to f i n d somet h i n g m o re mean i n gfu l to d o . I n order t o fend i t off, w e m ay even rev i ew t h e events of t h e day ove r a n d over in our m i n d s , searc h i n g o u r memory for t h i ngs w e m ay h ave fo rgotten, o r d red g i n g u p worries w e h ad l et g o ho u rs before. When we feel d riven to l o o k for t h i ngs to do, we m i ght stop and ask o u rselves why t h i s is h a p pe n i n g . I f w e need to keep searc h i n g o u t w a y s to fi l l o u r t i me, perhaps what we a re d o i ng i s n o t f u l l y sat i sfy i n g . T h e p l easu re o u r act iv i t i es b r i ng l asts o n l y a s h o rt t i m e; yet we seem to be d epen d i n g u pon t h i s t e m po rary sat i sfac t i o n to keep u s h a p py . When we fee l moved to find somet h i n g e l se to do, we m i g h t look m o re c l o sely at t h e res t l es s l o n g i n g we fee l . W h a t i s i t we rea l l y wa n t ? I n stead of foc u s i n g o u r e n e rgy on t h e events a n d objects a ro u n d u s , w e can t a k e a n en t i re l y new approach to o u r d a i l y l i ves. In the m i d st of each act ivi ty, we can add a new e l e m e n t : We can ge n t l y pay atten t i o n to h o w o u r sen ses a re respo n d i n g t o eve ry acti on a n d move m e n t . W e c a n o p e n o u r ears to so u n d , and o u r eyes to the bri l l i a n t c o l o rs a ro u n d

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u s . We c a n sense t h e fee l of everyt h i ng we touch and even not ice how our t h o u g h ts respond to d i fferent peo p l e . We m a y beco m e aware of new s h a d i ngs and n u a n ce s of experi e n ce, fee l i ngs a n d sensa t i o n s t hat s u b t l y rise and fal l . These i n n e r m ovements a re a d i rect respo n se o f o u r b e i n g to w h atever i s h a p pen i n g a ro u n d u s . O u r a b i l ity to k n ow, savor, a n d re m e m ber every deta i l of our ex peri e n ce is a u n i q u e h u m a n p r i v i lege. Observ i n g o u r expe r i e n ce c a n beco m e a f i e l d of i n terest t h a t wi l l never grow d u l l . F o l lowi ng t h e fee l i n g tones t h a t flow t h ro u g h t h e body, we con tact a r i c h e r l evel of o u r own m i n d t h a t can be a sou rce of con t i n u a l n o u r i s h m ent. As we touch our own fee l i n gs m o re d i rectly, we can beg i n a jou rney in s e l f- u n d erstand i n g that m ay prove m o re perm a n e n t l y s a t i s fy i n g t h a n any a c t i v i ty we can now I m a g i n e . (C2 o m e of u s m ay fi n d m ea n i n g a n d va l u e with i n £S) a n i n n e r w o r l d ; w e travel fro m p l a c e t o p l ace w i t h i n the m i nd i n stead of in the world a ro u n d us. Each co l l ect i o n of t h o u g h t s and fee l i n gs, m e mories a n d fantasies is l i ke a d i ffere n t n e i g h bo rhood we can v i s i t . Perhaps we h ave d rea m s of what we w i sh to m ake of our l i ves; we h o l d them before our m i n ds, enjoy i n g t h e fee l i n g s t h ey b r i n g u s. Certa i n m emories a n d spec i a l t h o u g h ts a n d fee l i ngs keep u s c o m pany. W h e n t h ese fee l i ngs m a ke u s fee l sen s i t ive and a l i ve, we k now o u r l ives are wort h w h i l e. S i nce o u r r i c h i n n e r world gives u s s u c h p l easu re, t h ere see m s no need to seek sa t i sfac t i o n o u t s i d e i t . T o e n joy m ore of t h i s p l e a s u re, w e m a y s p e n d more of o u r energy o n o u r i n n er worl d , w h i l e t h e o u ter wo rld

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grows p a l e r a n d d u l l e r. O u r own rea l m of fee l i n g a n d i m agery i s so d e e p l y perso n a l i t m a y be d iffi c u l t t o com m u n i c a te wel l w i t h o t h ers. A s we fi n d o u rselves becom i ng m o re i s o l ated, we can even beco m e accus tomed to a k i nd of l o n e l i n ess. Perh aps before we become com p l et e l y com m i tted to our own i m ages and d reams, we c o u l d q u es t i o n t h em m ore c losely. W h a t exa c t l y do t h ey off e r u s t h a t w e fi n d so sati sfyi n g ? T h e yearn i n g we feel d ee p i n o u r hearts a r i ses w h e n we i m a g i n e w h at we cou l d beco me o r w h at we co u l d accom p l i s h . B u t i t i s i n fu sed with a q u a l i ty of sad n ess, a l m ost of m o u r n i n g . Th i s b i ttersweet yearn i ng m a k e s u s feel a l ive a n d cari n g, sen s i t i ve a n d i d ea l i st i c . I t see m s l i ke t h e ' j u ice' o f l i fe, a sou rce of n o u r i s h m en t . B u t w h y i s t h e re s o m u ch sad ness con n ected t o o u r d rea m ? W h y does t h e d ream h a u n t u s , m a k i n g u s feel so mehow d i ssat i sfied ? Perh a p s we a re not heari n g t h e fu l l m essage of o u r hearts. O u r goa l s a ri s e before u s a s d reams, a s k i ng u s t o bri ng t h e m i n to b e i n g . When we do not do t h i s , our h e a rt s feel a deep l oss a n d d i sappoi n t m e n t . T h e h i g h e r a n d m o re i m poss i b l e o u r dream, t h e m ore i n te n se t h e sen s a t i o n of yearn i ng a n d sadness w h e n we do n o t a c t to b r i n g it i n to b e i n g . Yet we a re so d rawn to t h i s sad yearn i n g that t h e m o re i n tense i t becomes, t h e h a rd e r i t i s for u s to rea l i z e w e a re not act u a l ly heari ng w h at o u r h e a rts a re tel l i n g u s. I t i s as t h o u g h we were t ryi n g to s a t i sfy o u r h ea rt's h u nger by rel i s h i n g i t s p a i n . I f we co n t i n u e t o feed on o u r own yea r n i n g a n d sad ness, w e c a n n ever fi n d fu l fi l l m e n t i n o u r l i ves. When t h i s yearn i n g q u a l i ty a r i ses, we need to recog n i ze the m es sage of o u r heart: We a re starv i n g . We

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m u st act to acco m p l i s h o u r d rea m . Perhaps we fee l we do not k n ow how to b r i n g o u r d rea m i nto rea l i ty. B u t we m i g h t ask o u r h e a rt's advice. For so long o u r h e a rt h a s been fed o n l y d re a m s; i t s deepest des i re may be to wake u p . Awake, we c a n fi n d a way to rea l i ze o u r h i g h est a s p i r a t i o n s .

� n a lyzi n g t h e world a ro u n d u s can provide anot h er ru so u rce o f perso n a l sat i sfact i o n . O u r an alysis, based o n w i d e - ra n g i n g i n fo r m a t i o n a n d a c u te i n s i ght, c a n beco m e very s h a rp a n d accu ra te: We may see c l early t h e c o m p l ex i t i es of t h e world s i t u a t i o n , a n d be aware of t h e f u t i l i t y of proposed so l ut i o n s to major p rob l e m s. T h e m o re we see how h u m a n confusion pe rpetu a tes i tself, t h e m o re c r i t i c a l we may fee l . The sati sfact i o n w e ga i n fro m bei ng ' ri gh t ' i n o u r observa t i o n s of t h e world m ay actu a l l y con tri b ute to a sense of pe rso n a l d i sc o u rage m e n t . Th i n g s look bad, even h o p e l ess. Any eff o rt we cou ld m a ke to c h a nge t h e world a ppears to be a waste o f t i m e t h a t wou ld o n l y i n c rease frust rat i o n . We see how b l i n d people a re to t h e i r own good , how se l fi s h t h ey a re, a n d how re l u ct a n t to c h a n ge. We m ay s p read o u r d i sco u rage m e n t to others by po i n t i n g o u t t h e f u t i l i ty of t h e i r p l a n s a n d d re a m s . I t i s p a i n fu l t o b e assoc i a ted w i t h the world we observe, so we hold o u rse lves a l o of, eve n assu m i n g i n d i fference to wea l t h a n d recog n i t i o n . I f w e sen se t h e possi b i l i ty fo r some deeper h a p p i ness, we m ay d i s m i s s i t as j u st i l l u sory. There m ay h ave been a t i m e w h e n we w i s h ed fo r more perh a p s we even tri ed actively to bri n g a v i s i o n of c h a nge i n to bei n g- b u t that t i m e i s gone; o u r v i s i o n n ow seem s a foo l i s h d re a m , o u r early i d e a l s o u t of

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touch w i t h t he rea l i ty of l i fe . W h y e n c o u rage o t h e rs to acco m p l i s h w h a t we a t t e m p ted t o do a n d f a i l ed ? Why try to fi n d a joy i n l iv i n g t h at we be l i eve we c a n not h ave? S u c h efforts seem c o m p l e t e l y u n rea l i s t i c - a fo rm o f se l f-dece p t i o n t h a t w e h ave seen t h rough at the cost of m u c h p a i n and do not w i sh to engage aga i n . When w e feel that l i fe i s h a rd , w e h a rd en o u r heart s i n response. We no lo nger f e e l w e can give l i fe a n o t h e r c h a n ce t o d i sa p po i n t u s. I t may s e e m that we h ave never been a p p reci ated , that no one h a s ever rea l l y u n d erstood o r deeply loved u s . W e m ay h ave d iffi c u l ty apprec i a t i n g others i n t u rn o r i n com m u n i c at i n g o u r fee l i ngs, fo r w e c a n not open o u r hearts w i t h o u t evo k i n g the ache o f o l d wo u n d s t h at were never completely healed. In the process of try i n g to protect o u rselves from d i sa p po i n t m en t , we h ave sea l ed o u r selves off f ro m t h e wa r m t h a n d i n h e re n t w i sd o m of o u r own heart s . We m ay c l i ng to o u r ' p h i losophy of l i fe' w i t h a k i n d of si l e n t despe ra t i o n . We a re not rea l l y happy w i t h i t b u t n e i t her c a n we give i t u p . Can w e open o u r heart a n d m a k e o u rselves vu l n e ra b l e once aga i n ? C a n w e g ive l i fe, a n d o u rse lves, another c h a n c e ? H ow o t h e rs have rega rd ed u s in t h e p a s t i s n o t i m po rta n t; w e deserve love, u n de rsta n d i ng, and apprec i a t i o n , and we can g i ve th ese to o u rsel ves. Apprec i a t i o n for o u r own capac i ty fo r fee l i n g can h e l p u s t o see beyo n d con f u s i o n a n d p a i n t o t r u e bea u ty and sati sfact i o n . T h e l a n g u age of t h e heart i s co m pe l l i ng a n d h a s m ea n i n g f o r a l l h u m a n b e i n g s . I t pene trates beneath the waves of sel f-decep t i o n , e m o t i o n a l i ty, and sent i me n ta l i ty to rea l d e p t h of fee l i n g . I t depends n ot on words a n d c o n cepts, b u t on gen u i n e sensi t iv i ty t o u n iversa l h u m a n needs a n d va l u es.

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Know/edge o f Freedom

We m i g h t reopen o u r i n vest i g a t i o n of l i fe a n d bri ng a new d i m e n s i o n to o u r i n te l l i gence, u s i n g i t to note w i t h i n o u rselve s t h e negat ive t h o u g h t s t h a t prevent us from a p prec i at i n g o u rse lves mo re f u l ly. We a re capab l e of respo n d i n g to c o m passion and love as we l l a s t o p a i n ; we c a n a l low o u rselves t o experience both a n d fi n d a new sen se of self-apprec i at i o n in open i n g u p t h e fee l i ngs i n o u r hearts. W h e n we c o n n ec t our sen ses a n d h earts w i t h o u r heads, o u r v i s i o n becomes broader a n d m o re ba l l a n ced : O u r observa t i o n o f l i fe i s not o n l y sharp and c l ear, but v i t a l and respo n s ive. In a l l o w i n g ou rselves the opport u n i ty to expand our k n ow l edge in th i s way, we c a n tran sform o u r w h o l e way of v i ew i n g o u rselves a n d o u r wor l d . O nce o u r h earts begi n to open, we c a n bri n g fort h a genero s i ty of s p i ri t t h at is deeply sat i s fyi n g i n i t s e l f a n d grows as we s h a re what we k now w i t h others.

\0J� fl e m ay fi n d o u r sati sfact i o n a n d p u rpose i n \J\J l i fe b y a i m i ng a t a goa l t h a t seem s wort hwh i l e no m atter w h at price w e h ave t o pay. O u r dedication may take the form of h i gh i d e a l s , a great d e s i re to be of service to t h e world, or even a d e s i re to ac h i eve sta tus and wea l t h . W h atever our part i c u l a r goa l , we ac cept t h e sacrifi ces we m u st make to ga i n our ends. We m a y even feel t h a t suffer i n g expresses o u r c a r i n g, or t h a t if t h e goal i s too easy to rea c h , it i s s i m ply not wort h w h i Ie. We may act u a l l y va l u e o u r goa l even more beca u se we h ave to m a k e sac r i fi ces to a t t a i n i t . O u r asp i ra t i o n c a n m ove u s t o wonderfu l acco m p l i s h m ents a n d bri n g o u r l i ves a strong sen se o f d i -

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rect i o n a n d p u rpose. B u t s u c h s i n g l e- m i n d ed n ess m ay a l so reflect a narrow i n g of v i s i o n . I s i t rea l l y n eces sary to e nd u re so m u c h ? We seem to b e trai n i n g o u r selves to be experts i n s u fferi n g , 'con d i t i o n i ng' o u r bod i es a n d m i n d s to i n c rea s i n g l evels of s t ress. Are w e ready to r i s k b a n k r u p t i n g o u r l ives f o r o u r goa l ? B u t perhaps we a re work i n g for a n i d ea l , sacri fi c i n g o u r perso n a l c o m fo rt a n d w e lf a re i n t h e i n terests o f others. We see those ah ead o f u s as i n s p i r i n g exa m p l e s; we do not feel that we a re act i n g se l fi sh ly. B u t why are we expe r i e n c i ng so m uch tension a n d s t ress? W h a t i s rea l l y m o re i m porta n t to u s, o u r fee l i ngs of acco m pl i s h m e n t or t h e acco m p l i sh me n t i t se l f ? Are o u r i d ea l s a s h i g h - m i nded a s we t h o u g h t ? D o w e h ave a need for recog n i t i o n or a w i s h to be so m eo n e ' s pec i a l ' t h a t i s h id i n g beh i nd a h i gh p u rpose ? Do we s e e o t h ers on the same path as s u pport i n g o u r own d i rect i o n or as c o m pet i t i o n to be overc o m e ? When w e p u rs u e a g o a l f o r pe rso n a l g a i n , c o m p et i t i o n and i ts press u re a re i n ev i t a b l e. I f w e v i ew t h ose ahead of us as co m pe t i t i o n , we m ig h t reco n s i d e r how we feel about o u r goa l s . Perhaps if we beg i n to l o o k carefu l l y a t o u r motivations, we m ig h t s e e o u r goa l s a l i tt l e d i fferen t l y a n d c o u ld f i n d m o re effec t i ve ways to atta i n t h e m . We m i g h t be a b l e to broaden o u r a i m i n ways t h a t wo u l d o r i e n t u s less toward c o m p e t i t i o n a n d more towa rd cooperat i o n . O u r stress f u l fee l i ngs m ay be s h ow i n g u s t h e d i rect i o n t o l oo k : W e c o u l d trace o u r fee l i n gs t o t h e i r sou rce a n d l ea r n t o tran sform t h e i r e ne rgy i n to m ea n i n gf u l acco m p l i s h m e n t . W i t h m o re k n o w l edge of o u r m i n d a n d body, w e co u l d loosen su fferi ng's h o l d

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on u s . As we p u t l ess energy i n to t e n s i o n and free u p m o re e n e rgy for acco m p l i s h m ent, o u r sense of s a t i sfact i o n w i l l bec o m e richer a n d m o re e n d u ri ng . Feel i ng deeply s a t i s fi ed w i t h o u rselve s a n d o u r work i s t h e m o s t e n d u r i n g acco m p l i s h m e n t of a l l a n d t h e so u rce of a l l o t h e r acco m p l i s h m e n t s . Wh ateve r o u r en deavor, w h e n we a re fu l l y ho nest about o u r goa l s a n d o u r expectat i o n s, o u r i n n e r i n tegrity w i l l protect us f ro m f r u s t ra ti o n a n d d i scou rage m e nt, and provide an u ne n d i n g sou rce of c rea t i ve en e rgy. Whether we s u cceed o r fa i l , we w i l l be sati sfi ed t h a t we h ave done our best. Exten d i n g our vi sion beyo n d a se l f-cente red p u rpose, we are c a p a b l e of rea l i z i n g t h e h i gh est h u m a n a s p i ra t i o n s. S u c h atta i n m e n t is t r u l y ' spec i a l', a n i n s p i ra t i o n to every h u m a n be i n g who l o ngs to be free of s u ffer i n g a n d pai n .

f:\ [\ ean i n g a n d v a l u e may a p pear to some of u s to ll\JIJ l i e i n m o m e n t s o f beau ty, l ove, o r open n ess that h ave given us g l i m pses of a fi ner way of being. I n t h ese prec i o u s m o m e n t s, w e felt i n t e n se l y a l i ve, sen sed new poss i b i l i t ies, or h ad a new u nd e rst a n d i ng. We rea l i zed t h e n t h a t t h e re m u st be a way to experience deeper sat i sfact i o n in l i fe. O u r efforts to recover t h i s v i brant, open q u a l i ty of a p p rec i a t i o n seem w h o l e h ea rted a n d gen u i ne. O u r g o a l i s su re l y worthwh i l e, b u t we a re s t i l l d i ssa t i sfied , fo r we a re u n a b l e t o su sta i n t h ese m o m e n ts. W i t h o u t be i n g aware of w h a t i s h a p pen i n g, w e m a y be p l a c i n g a l l o u r va l u e o n a f e w u p l i f t i n g m o m e n ts wh i l e i m pover i s h i n g t h e rest o f o u r l i fe. W e c a n eas i l y be c o m e fasc i nated w i t h o u r m e m o ri e s of these spec i a l ti m es a n d s p e n d m u c h effort try i n g t o recapt u re

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u n u s u a l i n s i ghts or fee l i n gs. W i s h i n g so m u ch to feel or kn ow some ext rao rd i n a ry state of m i n d , we beco m e l i ke a h u n g ry begga r h o l d i n g t i g h t l y to a th i m b l efu l of nectar. Why m u st we hold o u r t i n y con t a i n e r so t i g h t l y ? I t i s n o t t h e t h i m b l e w e w a n t, b u t t h e nectar, w h i c h w e sense m a y be s l i p p i n g from o u r g rasp. I n t h i n k i n g about bea u t i f u l ex perien ces, i n terpret i n g t h e m , t a l k i n g about t h e m , a n d e m b el l i sh i ng t h e m w i t h asso c i a t i o n s, we a re lo s i n g the fl avo r of t h e exper i e n ce i ts e l f a n d c rea t i n g the need to revi ta l i ze i t . W h a t w a s i n effab l e beco mes concrete; t h e concepts we u s e a re too frozen to express v i t a l m ea n i n g, and o u r m e m o r i e s a re too weak to restore the pote ncy of the o r i g i n a l experience. When our need to recove r a past expe rience i s s t ro n g and obsessi ve, t h e d e m a n d we make u pon experience narrows our attent i o n to o u rselves a l'l d our expecta t i o n s . We m eas u re o u r present expe rience aga i n st t h e yard s t i c k of m e m ory, w i t h o u t lett i n g t h e m o m e n t reveal i tself a s i t i s. M i s s i n g t h e r i c h ness of experi en ce, we g row h u ng r i e r a n d m o re a n x i o u s, a n d c l i n g even m o re t i g h t l y to o u r t i n y m ea s u re of bea u ty a n d open ness. But what we n eed is a l a rger receptacle, o n e that a l lows u s to rece ive m o re j u ice fro m eve ry expe r i e nce, not j u s t those we fixate on as ' spec i a l ' . O u r ow n grasp i n g i s t i ghten i n g o u r m i n d s a n d bod i es, s h r i n k i n g o u r capacity to receive. I f w e c a n observe t h e way w e a re c u t t i n g ou rse lves o ff fro m o u r own expe r i e n c e by g rasp i n g , we can relax our des i re to possess w h at cannot be possessed . Open i n g w i d e l y to w h a t i s h appe n i n g here and now, w e c a n ex pand o u r ' c o n tai ner', o u r capac i ty fo r a p p reciat i o n , a n d res pond to

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every l i v i n g m o m e n t as an u n para l l e led o p port u n i ty t o receive t h e bea u ty a n d joy i n here n t i n t h e u n fo l d i n g of l i fe i t s e l f .

� spec i a l ly as we a pproach t h e end of o u r l i ves, U;; m e m o ri e s of t h e past c a n be a n a b u n d a n t trea s u ry of m ea n i n g and va l ue. Loo k i n g back o n h appy m o m en ts, reca l l i ng t h e joy w e fe l t w i t h l oved o n e s o r t h e sati sfact i o n of acco m p l i s h m e nts, w e can re m i nd o u rselves t h at we h ave l i ved a rich l i fe. Memories seem to form the core of o u r l ives; we m ay retu rn to t h e m aga i n and aga i n , for t h ey seem m o re rea l and v i t a l t h a n o u r present experiences. A l t h o u g h t h ese i m ages c a n b r i ng us fee l i ngs of sati sfact i o n , e n j oy i n g t h e m i s l i ke l i c k i n g the edge of a s h a rp k n ife sp read w i t h h o ney. Each t i m e we recal l o u r past h a p p i ness, we a re rem i n d ed that t h e hap p i ness h a s passed . We k n ow t h ose days a re gone and w i l l not come aga i n . We m ay not w i s h to l i ve in a world of m e m ories, but c a n the present c o m pare to the past when we were yo u nger and h ad m o re v i ta l i ty ? I f w e fi n d o u rse l ves wra p ped u p i n m e m o r i e s of the past, we m i g h t c h eck to be s u re we a re ga i n i n g m o re t h a n fee l i n gs of sadness. Even i f we receive great joy fro m o u r m e m o ri es, t h ey m ay be t r i c k i n g us in a s u b t l e way. I t i s easy to ' d i sa p pear' right i n to t h e p i c t u re of t h e pa s t : We c a n a l m ost fee l t h e joy we fe l t then; we c a n a l m o st reac h o u t a n d touch o l d friends. But w h e n we are a bso rbed in m e m o ry, the past- w h i c h i s n o m o re-feel s m o re rea l t h a n t h e p resen t , where o u r l i fe rem a i n s to be l i ved . As we grow o l der, o u r v i t a l i ty n a t u ra l l y dec rea ses, a n d w i t h i t t h e sen s i t ivity

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of o u r sen ses; yet it m ay be t h a t t h e pres e n t fee l s fl a t becau se w e h ave l o st con tact w i t h i t . I f w e c a n a tt u n e o u rselves m o re c l osely t o t h e rea l i ty before u s now, t h e d yn a m i c e n e rgy of t h e present m o m e n t w i l l n o u r i s h u s a n d renew o u r e n e rgy. By gently contact i n g each o f o u r sen ses, we c a n i n ten s i fy t h e sensat i o n s we are rec e i v i n g. Foc u s i n g, fo r exa m p l e, o n o u r s e n se of s i g h t, we c a n re l ax o u r eyes and touch sh a pes a n d form s l i g h t l y w i t h o u r gaze. Each sight we see o ffers u s a spec i a l d e l i g h t we often m i ss when our m i nd s a re b u sy re m e m beri n g. T h ese r i c h e r fee l i ngs do not d e p e n d o n t h e s h a rp n ess of o u r v i s i o n , but on t h e receptivity of o u r h e a rts a n d m i n d s . Co l o rs, sounds, and fragra n ces, r i c h text u res and tastes a re conti n u a l sources of v i ta l i ty we c a n open l i ke t reasu re chests. When we a l low o u rse l ves to res p o n d to t h e i m medi cacy of t h e present m o m e n t , t h e s i m p l est experience evo kes deep s a t i s fact i o n . Memories c a n a l so be u sed to b r i n g m o re r i c h ness and v i ta l i ty i n to t h e present i f we change our respo nse to them. As we rem e m ber, we c a n b r i n g o u r a t t e n t i o n t o the feel i n gs w e are experi enc i n g n o w . We can even i nvite a c h er i s h ed m e m o ry to come i nto o u r m i n d s, open i n g o u r hearts to i t as i f open i n g t h e door for a n honored g u est, a l lo w i n g fee l i n g s of w e l c o m e a n d deep p l easu re to spread t h ro u g h o u t o u r bod i e s. H ow re m a rkable, t h i s m a g i c a l m e m o ry we h ave! When d id t h e h u m a n m i n d d i scover i t c o u l d reca l l experien ces a n d evoke s u c h deep feel i ng fro m t h e h e a r t ? H ow flex i b le mem ory is, t u rn i ng from j oy to sad n ess, sad n ess to love, i n an i n ner s y m p h o n y of textu res and tones. W h i l e we c a n n o t a lways convey the fl avo r of a perso n a l expe rience to others, when we u se m e m o r i e s

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as t o u c h s t o n e s to b r i n g u p fee l i n gs of joy a n d ap p rec i a t i o n and let t h ese fee l i n gs l i g h t up our hearts, we fi n d t h a t we can evo ke s i m i l a r respo nses in o t hers. T h e even t s we a re reca l l i ng a re past, b u t o u r fee l i n gs a re i m m ed i ate, so u rces of v i t a l en ergy t h a t can b r i n g us g re a t and l a s t i n g p l easu re. W h e n we expe r i e nce l ove a n d c a r i n g , response to beau t y, and the j oy o f s h a r i n g h a p p i ness w i t h o t h e rs, we s h a re in a co m m u n i o n o f deep feel i n g . Even when m e m o r i e s t o u c h reservo i rs o f d i sappo i n tm e n t and sad ness, we can re m e m be r t h a t t h ese fee l i ngs also are u n i ve rsa l , u n d e rs tood by eve ry h u m a n be i n g. G ra t i t ud e a n d a pprec i a t i o n t h at w e are a l ive, t h a t w e can feel and respond can be awakened at any m o m e n t in every h u m a n heart, h e l p i n g to co u n teract pa i n and gri ef. T h i s t o o is k n o w l edge t h a t can be com m u n i cated t h ro u g h o u r a t t i t u d e s a n d ac t i o n s . I n em body i n g t h i s u nd erst a n d i n g, we can u pl i ft the h eart s of o t h ers, a n d e n r i c h every day o f o u r l ives w i t h t h e warm t h of i n t i macy a n d l ove. The o l d e r we a re, t h e l a rger t h e s t o re h o u se of l i fe expe ri ences we c a n rec a l l and u se to deepen o u r k n o w l edge o f t h e h u m a n s p i r i t . I n deepe n i ng o u r u nders t a n d i n g, we t o u c h a we l l s p r i n g o f warm t h and grat i t u d e t h a t s a t i sfi es o u r i n n er needs a n d fl ows o u t w a rd toward o t h e rs. When we sense t h rough o u r fee l i ngs a co m m o n a l i ty w i t h a l l h u m a n b e i n gs, fee l i ngs of l o n e l i ness lose t h e i r power. We n a t u ra l l y respond t o fri e n d s w h o l i ve in i s o l a t i o n and l o n e l i n ess, l i g h ten i n g t h ei r b u rd en a n d enco u rag i n g t h em t o a p p rec i a te t h e i r l ives i n n ew ways. Respo n d i n g to fee l i n gs t h ey k n ow are rea l , the you n g w i l l be d rawn t o us n a t u ra l ly, able to t r u st o u r

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open ness a n d h onesty. I n expres s i n g w h a t we k n o w to b e t ru e, w e can h e l p t h e m to avo i d d i ffi c u l t i e s and m i stakes; we can h e l p c a l m their fears a n d e n c o u rage thei r acco m p l i s h m en t s . T h e benefits o u r k n ow l edge can b r i n g to others a n d t o o u rselves w i l l i n c rease t h e m ea n i n g a n d va l u e of o u r l i ves beyo n d m ea s u re. K n ow i n g our own va l u e, apprec i a t i ng whatever l i fe has bro u g h t u s , we sta n d o n a knowledge m o re prec i o u s t h a n j ewe l s , g i v i n g from t h e hea rt w h at w e h ave expe r i e n ced . W h e n w e give genero u s l y w h a t we k now, eve n d e a t h ta kes o n a new mean i n g. H av i n g learned w h a t i t m e a n s t o l ive, we can carry g ra t i t u de for t h i s k n ow l edge w i t h us to the end of our d ays.

\\ I:\ !l h atever o u r so u rces for m ea n i n g a n d va l u e i n \J\J our l i ves, we c a n expand them en d l es s l y by g ro u n d i n g o u rselves in k n owledge. Eve ry s i t u at i o n bri ngs pote n t i a l benefits; e a c h m o m e n t c a n be laden w i t h mea n i n g. We can beg i n t h i s i n st a n t to i nv i t e k nowledge i n to o u r l ives by obse rvi n g o u r own ex pe ri ence. We do not need to w a i t for t h e r i g h t t i m e, to prepare for so m e ' spec i a l m o m en t ' or to h o l d back fro m what l i fe co n t i n u a l ly p rese n ts to u s. We m ay t h i n k t h a t we l a c k k n o w l edge, b u t t h e re i s no need fo r con cern- i n know i n g we need greater kn owl edge, we a u t o m a t i ca l l y p repare an open p l ace to receive it. A s we m a i n t a i n recept ivi ty by observ i n g a n d q u est i o n i n g o u r expe r i e n ce, k n owl edge w i l l respond to o u r i nv i t a t i o n a s n at u ra l ly a s ra i n fi l l s a n open bow l . As new i n si g hts c o m e t o u s , t h e re w i l l i n evi tably be t i m es w h e n we ca n n ot s u st a i n a s e n se of p rogress

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a n d g rowt h , a n d o u r rece p t i v i t y see m s to d i sappear. Then we m i g h t con c l ud e t h at o u r s i m p l e q u est i o n s and m o m e n t s of ' brea k i n g t h ro u g h ' i n to a new u nderstand i n g h ave l i t t l e l a s t i n g va l u e . W i t h o u t be i n g c o m p l etely aware of how the p rocess of open i n g u n f o l d s i n o u r l i ves, we c a n eas i l y beco m e d i scou raged a n d feel we h ave l e a r n ed very l i t t l e . O r perh a ps i n l o s i n g confi dence in o u rselves, we be l i tt l e our n ew knowledge by say i n g i t i s not h i n g new, j u st a vari a t i o n on what we a l ready u ndersta n d . At t h ese t i m es, i t i s i m po rta n t to encou rage o u rselves to a p p rec i ate each aspect of t h e i n s i g h t we h ave a l ready g a i n ed , t reas u r i n g each step forward. K n ow i n g t h a t we c a n n o t a l ways s u s ta i n t h i s n e w see i ng i s part of o u r knowl edge as w e l l . A s we see m o re c l ea r l y how growth m a n i fests i n o u r l ives, w e c a n s h a re t h e benefi ts o f o u r k n ow l edge w i t h o t h e rs who a re a l so fee l i n g t h e need for greater m ea n i n g in t h e i r l ives. I n o u r modern world t h e i s o l a t i o n of i n d i v i d u a l s i s very g reat. Peo p l e l i ve w i t h i n t h e i r own patterns, m ovi ng toward private d reams and goa l s , w h i l e end u r i n g what t h ey feel is t h e i r own p rivate pa i n . At a n y o n e m o m e n t , so m e of us feel confident a n d h a p py, o t h e rs u n certa i n a n d confu sed , w h i l e we a l l h ave d i ffi c u l t i es com m u n i c at i n g w i t h one a n o t her. We a re a l l a t d i fferent stages of l i fe, u s i n g d i ff eren t s t rateg i es a n d d i fferent vi ews. Th ese n at u ra l va r i a t i o n s c o u l d h e l p u s b a l a n ce a n d sta b i l ize e a c h oth er, i f we o n l y rea l i zed t h e d i fference t h a t t h e s m a l l est g i ft of u n d e rsta n d i n g c a n m ake. Even a look, a gest u re, a few k i n d words t h a t l e t others k n ow t h ey a re not a l one c a n i n s p i re them to d i scover w i t h i n t h e m selves the k n o w l edge t h at c a n re l i eve t h e i r frust rat i o n and pa i n .

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K n ow l edge i s t h e m ost prec i o u s a n d powerfu l m ed i c i n e, t h e best of a l l posses s i o n s, a t reas u re we w i l l never lose. O u t l as t i n g a l l m ateri a l o r p h ys i c a l objects, m ore va l u a b l e than the p u rest g o l d , k n o w l edge of o u r i n n er n at u re i s a fo u n t a i n of yo u t h t h a t rej uven ates the m i n d , bri n g i ng c l a ri ty and joy in l i v i n g . A s o u r m i n d d i sti l i s knowledge from every experience a n d co nverts it to m o re en l i gh t e n ed a c t i o n , o u r m i n d g rows i n c reas i n g ly v i t a l no m atter how t h e body ages. Even when we pass fro m t h i s l i fe, the body of k n ow l edge we h ave m a n i fested i n our v i ews a n d act i o n s wi l l conti n u e to g row; e m powered by o u r l i fe energy, i t w i l l h e l p to s u s ta i n m a n y f u t u re genera t i o n s .

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G l o b a l K n ow l ed g e

I n thinking of what we can give back to the world, we begin to take responsibility for being human.

1;;\ I t h o u g h o u r k n o w l edge of t h e world see m s to be /.r0, ra p i d l y expand i n g, o u r v i ew see m s to be beco m i ng eve r m o re s h ort- s i g h te d , o r i en ted toward servi ng a self we do not u n derst a n d . Lac k i n g a deep u nd er stand i n g of o u r m i n d s, we can n ever be fu l ly aware of w h a t acti o n s are i n o u r best i n te rests, o r take respo n s i b i l i ty for t h e e ffects of o u r ac t i o n s o n oth ers. Th u s we c a n n ot act w i t h a vi s i o n g ro u n d ed in k n ow l edge of what i s truly benefi c i a l fo r u s, our soc i et i es, and our wo rl d . O u r best efforts m ay be i n effec t u a l o r eve n h a rm f u l ; w h e n we do not see c l ea r l y w h a t we a re d o i n g in t h e prese n t , we c a n n o t s h a pe o u r fu t u re w i t h rea l c o n f i d e nce. O u r ed u ca t i o n p repare s us to l oo k fo rward to t h e f u t u re, b u t d oes n ot t e a c h u s t h e i m po rtance of bei n g f u l l y g ro u n ded i n awareness of who w e a re a n d what we a re doing h e re a n d now. We all h ave awareness, but we s e l d o m recog n i ze its fu l l power; i t is as if we

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had wi ngs b u t had never l earned to u se t h e m . N ow we t h i n k we a re d o i n g wel l i f we c a n l e a p to t h e o t h e r side o f a s m a l l strea m ; we do n o t k n ow t h at we h ave t h e capabi l i ty to see to t h e farth est ext e n t of t h e ocean and traverse i t s fu l l expan se. Our h u m a n awareness i s so powerf u l t h at even i f w e tap o n l y a s m a l l p a r t of i t we c a n acco m p l i s h m o re t h a t we ever d re a m t poss i b l e. U s i n g o u r c o m p l ete pote n t i a l , we can soar to t h e h e i g h t w h e re o u r ac compl i s h m e n t s h ave g reat and l as t i n g va l u e for both o u rselves and for fu t u re genera t i o n s. V i s i o n set f ree f rom the self h as no l i m i ts- i t is a b l e to d raw fu l l y u pon t h e past, see c l early in t h e present, a n d range far i n to t h e f u t u re, w i t h a scope t h a t e n c o m p a sses t h e en t i re wo r l d . See i n g a great f i e l d of poss i b i l i t i es for ac t i o n , s u c h v i s i o n fi n d s m ea n i n g i n b r i n g i n g these possi b i l i t i es i n to be i n g. O u r perspec t i ve n at u ra l l y w i d e n s w h e n we s h i ft o u r atten t i o n away from perso n a l concerns a n d refl ect on how o u r very bei ng is s u s t a i ned on t h i s p l a n e t . Every moment of o u r l ives, we depend on t h e a i r a n d t h e earth i tself. E a c h d ay w e b e n e f i t fro m t h e s u n l i g h t t h a t warms o u r bod i e s a n d a l lows u s to see; w e c a n n o t l i ve w i t h o u t water for m o re t h a n a few d ays. Each of t h ese v i t a l e l e m e n t s has been aeo n s in the m a k i ng, d u ri n g t h e fo r m at i ve stages o f o u r g a l axy a n d p l a net. O u r h u man bod ies have been g rad u a l l y deve l o ped over severa l m i l l i on years, d u ri n g w h i c h each genera t i o n h a s passed a long vari a t i o n s and c h a n ges t o i ts descen d a n t s . O u r l a ngu age a n d i m ages d i d not s u d d e n l y spring i n to b e i n g at o u r b i rt h ; c e n t u ries, eve n m i l l e n i a o f experience l i e be h i nd a s i n g l e word. T h e experi ences of co u n t l e ss h u m a n bei ngs h ave c o n t r i b u ted to

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o u r c u l t u re a n d t h e soc i ety i n w h i c h we h ave made o u r home. We ca l l u pon vast resou rces at every i n sta n t o f o u r l i ves. We c a n see how m u ch we a re g i ven by o u r worl d , b u t w h at a re w e g i v i n g i n ret u rn ? Wi l l t h e p l a net be better fo r o u r soj o u rn on i ts su rface, or worse? Many peo p l e today rea l i z e that we c a n n o t co n t i n u e to take so m u ch from o u r world w i t h o u t c o n s i d e r i n g the needs of f u t u re genera t i o n s. W h i l e t h i s v i ew i s a step f o rw a rd , it is st i l l o r i e n ted towa rd ta k i n g. F ro m one perspec t i ve, we m u st t a k e : A l l sen t i e n t bei ngs take to s u st a i n l i fe a n d retu rn o n l y t h e i r bod i e s to t h e ele m e n ts. B u t h u m a n bei ngs h ave a h i gher con sc iou sness a n d the k n o w l ed ge to l i ve t h e i r l i ves w i t h a more b a l a nced u n d e rsta n d i n g of t h e re l a t i o n s h i p between h u m an awareness a n d the f u t u re of l i fe on o u r p l a n et. H o w can we rea l i ze t h e fu l l ben e f i t s of being hu man i f we do not u se t h e k n o w l edge we h ave? What use is o u r know ledge if we fo l l ow the patterns of more l i m ited fo r m s of l i fe ? Possess i n g g reate r capac i ty for u n d e rsta n d i n g than other forms of l i fe, we h ave a g reater respon s i b i l i ty to co n s i d er w h at we can offer to l i fe in ret u rn fo r i ts gi fts to u s . I n t h i n k i n g of w h a t we can g i ve back to t h e wo r l d , we beg i n to take respo n s i b i l i ty fo r bei ng h u m a n a n d rea l i ze t h e e n o rm o u s va l u e of o u r i n d i v i d u a l l i ves. We see that we c a n off e r the g i f t s of o u r energy, o u r aware n ess- o u r l i ves-to c reate a r i c h e r e n v i ronment for th ose who fo l l ow u s . Preocc u p a t i o n s a n d wo rries so i m po r t a n t to t h e l i m i ted se l f m e l t i n to i n s i g n i ficance when o u r pers pect ive on w h at i t means to be h u man w i d e n s . Ce ntered in a b roa d , open v i ew , we can rely

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on o u r own i n ner resou rces to set l o n g-range goa l s for our l i ves and p l a n a cou rse of acti o n to a c h i eve t h e m . A l t h o u g h o u r vi s i o n i s n o w very l i m i ted, we c a n u s e t h e reso u rces w e a l ready h ave t o h e i g h t en o u r awareness. D raw i n g on w h at w e a l ready k n ow, w e c a n proj ect o u r v i s i o n as far as poss i b l e i n to t h e f u t u re and con s i d e r carefu l l y w h at t h e res u l ts of o u r act i o n s m ig h t b e . T h e n w e c a n t h i n k back, rev i ew i n g t h e past, refl ect i n g on wh ere s i m i l a r act i o n s h ave l ed u s before, and q u e st i o n i n g t h e c a u se of pro b l e m s e n co u ntered in the past. What effects d id s u c h act i o n s h ave on others in t h e past, a n d what effects w i l l our p rese n t act i o n s h ave on others i n t h e f u t u re ? Th i n k i ng i n t h i s way, l oo k i ng forward a n d bac k ward, o p e n to wh atever w e see, we g a t h e r togeth e r a l l the k n ow l edge at o u r c o m m a n d . S t re n g t h e n ed w i t h t h i s knowledge, we c a n assess m o re w i sely whether what we a re doing i s worth t h e expen d i t u re of our t i m e a n d energy. O n c e w e h ave q u est i o n ed o u r p u rpose carefu l l y, we w i l l see how one act i o n b u i l d s u po n t h e next; we wi l l n o t l o se e n e rgy a n d t i m e i n d i strac t i o n or b e d i verted from o u r pu rpose. Period i c a l l y w e c a n exa m i n e t h e res u l ts of o u r act i o n s a n d read j u st o u r cou rse as necessa ry. K nowledge w i l l g row w i t h each reassess m e n t, and o u r v i si o n w i l l bec o m e c l earer. T h i s process is m u c h l i ke c l i m b i n g a m o u n ta i n . Without prepara t i o n , c l i m bi ng even t h e s m a l lest peak can be very d angero u s . B u t when we take t i m e to st udy the ro ute and reassess i t as we c l i m b, we can proceed w i t h safe t y and co n fi dence. Eve n t u a l l y t h e su m m i t w i l l come i n to v i ew , i n s p i r i n g u s to make even greater efforts.

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W h e n we a re m i n d f u l of o u r goa l a n d aware of t h e p resent m o m en t , o u r c o n c e n t ra t i o n l i n ks o u r e n e rgy to t h e m o m en t u m of t i m e, e ffo rtlessly su sta i n i n g u s . I n st ead of i n teract i ng w i t h s u rface a p pearances and s u perfi c i a l ro les, we t o u c h deeper d i m e n s i o n s of exper i ence t h at ret u rn to us a rich and sat i sfyi n g en e rgy. Res u l t s g row stead i l y, as i f we were tappi ng a n i n exh a u st i b l e sou rce of power. Act i n g u pon a perso n a l co m m i t m e n t to offer somet h i n g of va l u e to t h e worl d , a l l we do e m a n a tes from a d eep i n n er i n tegrity and bri ngs o u r w h o l e b e i n g i n to a d i rect i n terac t i o n w i t h l i fe. Recogn i z i n g the va l u e of our l i ves a n d tak i n g c o m p l ete respon s i b i l i ty fo r o u r ac t i o n s, we beg i n to d raw u pon t h e fu II reso u rces of o u r consc i o u sness. When we learn how to u s e t h ese resou rces, we awaken a f a r greater v i s i on of what is poss i b l e for u s t o a c h i eve. L i n k i n g v i s i o n t o knowl edge at each step of t h e way, we esta b l i s h a m o m e n t u m in o u r l ives that h e i g h t e n s our i n terest a n d v i ta l i ty, a n d c u l m i n ates in global k n ow ledge. G l o b a l k n owledge i s the key to a fu l l y- awa kened c o n sc i o u sn ess, aware a n d fu l l y concentrated on t h e p resen t , res p o n s i ve to t h e n e e d s of a l l bei ngs at a l l t i m es. Act i n g i n t h e l i g h t o f g l o b a l k n owledge i s l i ke see i n g c l ea r l y t h e h i gh est peaks i n t h e world and a d i rect ro u t e to t h e top; we c a n take eve ry step w i t h cert a i n ty, k n ow i n g t h a t t h e h i g h e r we c l i m b, t h e c l earer o u r v i ew w i l l become- u n t i l i t even t u a l l y open s o u t i n a l l d i rect i o n s . A b l e to see a l l t h e forces a t work i n o u r wo r l d , o u r c o n sc i o u s n es s c o u l d open u p l ayers of t i m e; t h e

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moment a t h o u g h t c rossed o u r m i n d s, we wo u l d know exac t l y what a c t i o n i t wo u l d p ro m pt , w h a t effect o u r a c t i o n wo u l d h ave on o t h e rs, a n d t h e f u t u re resu l t s of t h a t act io n . R a t h er t h a n re l y i n g o n t h e s l ow process of t r i a l a n d error, we c o u l d i m m ed i at e l y reject what we k n ew wo u l d n o t t u rn o u t we l l a n d concen t rate on act i o n s t h a t wo u l d be m o re benefi c i a l fo r o u rselves a n d fo r o t h e rs. Can we i m ag i n e a world i n h a b i ted by m i l l io n s w h o s h a red a v i s i o n of u n iversa l h a rmony a n d peace, a n d were a b l e to u n ite t h e i r reso u rces t o b r i ng t h i s v i s i o n i nto be i n g ? W e wo u l d h ave a w o r l d of wondrous beauty to pass on to gen erat i o n s of the f u t u re. G ov erned by a m o ra l o rder based on g l o b a l respo n s i b i l i ty, t h e world wo u ld n eed n o res t r i c tive laws. Each i n d i vid u a l , u n i q u e a n d free, wou l d act i n fu l l k n ow l edge o f t h e res u l t s o f h i s o r h e r act i o n s . W i t h t h i s u nderstan d i ng, w e wo u l d not b e l i ke l y to i nv i t e p ro b l e m s or s u fferi n g i n to o u r l ives o r i n to t h e l i ves o f o t hers. Everyone wou ld c o n t ri b u t e t h e i r gen i u s w i t h w i sdo m, m i n d f u l of t h e w e l f a re of a l l t h a t e x i st s .

� ITUITU�[f �ITU@W��cdJ��

C H A PT E R 28 : L I M I T S O N M E A N I N G

M i nd , t h o u g h t , a n d concepts Learn i n g concepts as c h i l d ren

287

Concepts a n d mean i n g

289

Co n st r i ct i n g t h e o pen n ess of t h e m i n d

290

A u t o m a t i c respo n ses Concepts as rest r i c t i o n s on expe r i e n c e

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288

292

Confu s i n g concept w i t h rea l i t y Concepts and co m m u n i c at i o n

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Q u e ry i n g concept u a l pattern i n gs

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Revi tal i z i n g concepts Observ i n g t h o u g h t s

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Pattern i n gs of t h e m i n d Open i n g n ew perspectives on t h o u g h t

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296 297 299

C H A PT E R 29 : T H E I AS K I N G

O u r world i n t h e u n iverse O u r p l ace i n t h e t h e u n iverse Exten d i n g t h e ra nge of h u m a n i n q u i ry

302

Q u e ry i n g o u r o ri g i n s

303

Knowledge of h u m a n be i n g

304

U n pred i c ta b i l i ty of t h o u g h t a n d a c t i o n

306

Q u e ry i n g o u r own exi stence Trac k i n g t h e ' I '

306

Challenging the ' I '

308

301 302

307

C H A PTE R 30 : T H E I L L U S O RY I

I nternal dyn a m i c o f perception

31 0

' I ' as owner of exp e r i e n ce

31 1

' I ' as obj ect

31 2

' I ' as s u bj ec t

31 3

' I ' as stab i I i ze r of experience ' I ' and t h e rea l i ty of change

31 3

Label i n g expe r i e n c e

31 4

I n fl u ence of t h e ' I '

31 5

Blaming the 'I'

31 6

I l l u so ry p a rt n e rs h i p w i t h ' I '

31 7

U n c r i t i c a l accepta n c e o f ' I '

31 7

31 4

C H A PT E R 31 : TY RA N N Y O F T H E I

Do m i n at i o n of t h e ' I '

31 8

Den i a l o f i m permanence Co ntrol and protec t i o n

31 8

D efense aga i n st g rowth

320

D i stort i o n s of the ' I ' T h e ' I 's i n secu rity

321 321

Possess i o n a n d ownersh i p

322

Manipu lations of 'I' T h e ' I ' and e m ot i o n a l p a i n Costs of serv i n g t h e ' I '

323

324

D ecept i o n s o f t h e ' I '

325

31 9

323 •

28

Li m its o n Mean i ng

Could our thoughts and ac tions be guided by a more comprehens i ve and trustworthy knowing intrinsic to our own being ?

'\\ I:\!l e all l ive w i t h i n a n i n n er world of i m ages, \J\J t h o u gh ts, a n d m em o ri e s that s h i ft c o n t i n u a l ly , evo k i n g a r i c h text u re of fee l i n gs, e m o t i o n s, and moods. Somet i m es i m ages a r i s e viv i d l y in our m i n d s and spark a c h a i n of t h o u g h t ; at o t h e r t i m es we c a n s e n s e o u r m i n d s b r i n g i n g a n i d ea i n to foc u s . A t fi rst we may s i m p l y sense t h at we a re see i n g i m ages or t h i n k i n g t h o u g h ts, but soon t h o u g h t bec o m e s m o re su bsta n t i a l ; we a re aware of t h e act u a l words i n o u r m i n ds a s w e t h i n k o r express t h e m i n speech or I n wri t i n g . T h e word s expres s i ng i m ages a n d t h o u g h t s a re concepts, l i n ked toget her i n s t r i n g s t h a t c l a r i fy t h e i r rel atio n s h i ps. Concept s are t h e b u i l d i n g b l o c k s o f o u r langu age, a n d t h e i r mean i n gs a re t h e s u bstance of o u r know l edge. M a n y concepts w e u se today h ad t h e i r orig i n l o n g ago. T h ro u g h o u t h u m a n h i story, o n e c o n -

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cept h a s g rown o u t of a n o t h e r, branc h i n g a n d prol i f erati ng l i ke v i nes i n a j u n g l e . Co ncepts m ay be s i m p l e i d e n t i fiers l i ke ' t ree' a n d ' ho u se' o r m o re a b s t ract n o t i o n s l i ke 'freed o m ', ' love', o r 'j ust i ce'. They a re b u i l t up t h rough a process of d i s t i n c t i o n s, fo l l ow i n g a l o g i c a l pattern t h a t contrasts ' th i s ' and ' n ot-th i s' . ' G re e n ' is d i st i n g u i shed from ' n ot-green'; ' t ree' is d i sti n g u i shed from a l l t h at i s ' n ot-tree'. T h ese d i s t i n ct i o n s d e pend u pon each other -'tal l ' takes i ts m e a n i n g i n c o m parison w i t h ' s h o rt', ' b i g' h as m ea n i n g in co m pa ri son w i t h ' s m a l l '. A s we c on t i n ue to m ee t w i t h new objects, we can l abel them by d i s t i n g u i s h i n g them from w h at we k n ow. A n e l e p h a n t seen for t h e fi rst t i m e i s ' n ot a nyth i ng - I - h ave-seen - before', ' n ot-dog', ' n ot-cat', and so fort h . Then we can adopt t h e name ' e l ephan t'. T hese s i m pl e d i s t i nct i o n s fo r m the fo u n d a t i o n for more co m p l ex concepts t h at d raw u pon the m ea n i n gs of m a n y o t h e r con cepts. ' F reed o m ' has m ea n i n g because w e c a n d efi n e w h a t i t m ea n s t o b e ' not- free'. We c a n form a n i d ea of ' l ove' by c o n t rast i n g a l l we associ a te w i t h love w i t h w h at i s ' n ot- l ove'. At so m e po i n t in o u r c h i l d h ood , we fo u n d o u r selves t h i n k i n g a n d spea k i ng, u s i n g a n d reac t i ng to concepts. F ro m parents, friends, a n d the other i n fl u en ces i n o u r com p l ex soc i a l con d i t i o n i ng, we ab so rbed o u r basi c concept u a l fra m ework. As i n fa n t s, we were fasc i n ated by m ov i n g fo r m s a n d pattern s of l i ght and sh adow; we l earned to recogn ize our paren ts, as we l l a s to d i s t i n g u i sh objects. We were a l ready m a k i n g assoc i a t i o n s between w h a t w e saw, heard, s m e l led, tasted, a n d sensed th ro u g h our bod i es . We m ay have

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develo ped a sense t h a t o u r assoc i at i o n s h ad s i g n i fi cance, b u t we had n o words t o express t h e i r m ea n i n g. L i s te n i n g to the spoken sounds a ro u n d u s , we lea rned to name the f o r m s and q u a l i t i es of o u r w o r l d . Th i s process u n fo l ded b y t r i a l a n d e rro r; t h e words w e fi rst l i n ked t o t h e objects a ro u n d u s m ay n o t h ave always m atched t h e words u sed by o t h e r s : Two objects co m p l etely d i ffere n t in size a n d c o l o r were both named 'dog'; two o t h e rs, n ea r l y i d e n t i c a l , were 'dog' and 'cat'. Co rrected a n d recorrected many t i m es , we shaped o u r early i m p ress i o n s to fit ad u l t concepts and began to assoc i ate fo r m s and so u n d s 'co rrect ly'. Eve n t u a l ly, we d i d not h ave to l i sten to t h e sound as so u n d - t h e so u n d t o u c h ed our concepts i m m e d i ately, and we ' h eard m ea n i n g' d i rect l y . C o n cepts be came a k i nd of s h o rt h a n d , a conven i e n t way to refer to fam i l i a r o bj ec t s w i t h o u t h a v i n g t o desc r i be p rec i s e l y w h a t w e were see i n g o r exac t l y what we m e a n t . S i m u l ta n eo u s l y , we were t a u g h t h ow to react to th ese concepts: w h at we co u l d a n d co u l d not t o u c h , what to va l u e, w h at to d e s i re, a n d w h a t t o rej ect; w e eve n l earned w h at to b e h appy a n d sad a b o u t . Accord i n g to t h e c u st o m s of o u r c u l t u re, we were taught t h e proper way to catego rize, u se, a n d t h i n k about eve ryth i n g i n o u r experien ce. G rad u a l ly, m any assoc i a t i o n s began to accu m u l ate aro u n d concepts. They cou l d t o u c h m e m o r i e s and evo ke comp lex reac t i o n s . We co u l d , by u tteri ng t h e word ' h ome', evo ke a wea l t h o f fee l i n gs and assoc i a t i o n s t h a t gave t h i s con cept a spec i a l m ean i n g to u s . Perhaps m a ny word s t o o k o n a deep private s i g n i fi -

290


cance, j u st as cert a i n s i g h ts, fragran ces, s o u n d s , and sensa t i o n s somet i m e s seemed to reso n ate w i t h r i c h , u n exp l a i n a b l e m ea n i n g . B u t whatever h a d s i g n i fi cance t o u s perso n a l ly had to be expressed w i t h i n the con cepts ava i l a b l e in our l a n guage. We h ad to accept the m ean i n gs we were g i v e n , a n d l eave u n spoken t h e m ea n i n g s and fee l i ngs we cou l d not co m m u n icate. The concepts we learned refl ected back to u s , a n d we began to t h i n k w i t h the words of our l a n g u age. T h e words t h a t now form so spon taneo u s l y i n o u r m i n d s a re a l l con cepts t ransm i t t e d to u s b y o t h e rs . These c o n cepts now c o n d i t i o n h o w we v i ew ou rselves a n d o u r wo r l d , h o w w e t h i n k, a n d how we respond to what h a p pe n s aro u nd u s . They c reate o u r everyday rea l i ty, a n d we use t h e m to i n terpre t a l l o u r experi ence.

rr o n cepts beg i n as fl u id a n d f l ex i b l e, b u t beco me � m ore fi xed a s we m a t u re. When we are fi rst l ea rn i n g a concept, s u c h as 's pace' or ' aware n ess', we are m o s t recept ive to n u a n ce s aro u nd it; we m ay play with i t fo r a wh i l e, q u est i o n i t , a n d exp l o re its poss i b i l i t ies. Once we feel we ' k n ow' i t , we tend to l o se i n terest. O u r w i l l i n g n ess to reexa m i n e, d i scard, or expa n d the scope of t h e concept d ec reases; t h e word i s n o l o nger a l ive, su bject to mod i fi c a t i o n i n l i ght of new k n ow l edge, but frozen i n to a n i te m of i n form at i o n t h at w e possess. W e re l y o n i t a u t o m a t i c a l l y i n o u r t h i n k i n g, w h i c h bec o m es m o re a matter of reco l l ec t i o n t h a n a c reat ive act ivi ty. Re l y i n g exc l u s i v e l y o n ou r con cept u a l pattern i n gs, we s l ow l y constrict t h e n a t u ra l o pe n n ess of o u r m i nds. I t becomes m o re d iffi c u l t to perceive t h e s u b t l e nu-

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ances of t h e c h a n g i n g m o m e n t . At t h e m o m e n t of per cept ion, o u r m i n d s grasp and i nt e r p ret s e n s o ry i n fo r m a t i o n , a n d s u p p l y u s w i t h p repac kaged concepts that h ave spec i fi c assoc i a t i o n s and e m o t i o n a l tones based on past ex perience. Th ese assoc i a t i o n s ari se si m u l taneously w i t h t h e concept, p ro j ec t i n g a past s i t uation o n t o t h e present a n d cond i t i o n i n g h o w we v i ew an experience. We do n o t n ecessa r i l y respond to the i m m ed i a te experi en ce, b u t to t h e expe r i e n c e as i t i s fi l t e red t h rough con cepts, m e m o r i es, i m ages, and assoc i a t i o n s . See i n g a presen t s i t u a t i o n a s s i m i l a r to a past o ne, we tend to react a u t o m a t i c a l ly, d ec reas i n g o u r a b i l i ty to assess t h e presen t s i t u a t i on fresh ly. B o u n d to t h e past i n t h i s way, w e c a n n o t perc e i ve t h e vast range of a l tern a t i ves ava i l ab l e in the p rese n t and so d i m i n i sh o u r options for a c t i o n . Th i s t e n d ency obscu res awareness; l o s i n g t o u c h w i t h t h e open d yn a m i c of t h e l iv i n g m o m e n t , we l ive i n a d ea d e n ed world. When concepts beco m e t h i s fi xed in our consc i o u s ness, w e c a n perce i ve n o t h i n g new. U n a b l e to perc e i ve t h e s u b t l et i es of each c h a n g i n g s i t u at i o n , we even repeat t h e s a m e ges t u re s a n d t h e s a m e c o m m e n t s i n s i tu a t i o n s t h a t a p pear t h e sa m e. When o u r m i n d s becom e h a b i t u ated to s u c h a u to m a t i c respo n ses, t h ey grow l azy a n d i n a t t e n t i ve, espec i a l ly i n fa m i l i a r s u r ro u n d i ngs. O u r fixed vi ews give u s a sense of sec u ri ty. We feel we ' k now' t h e obj ects in our world; we feel we ' k now' peo p l e and other l iv i n g b e i ngs. We cou n t o n t h i n gs t o stay t h e sa m e a n d t o fu l fi l l o u r expecta t i o n s of what t h ey are su pposed to be and do. The m o re we re i n force t h i s pas s i v i t y by re l y i n g on deadened concepts, the m o re o u r m i n d s res i st reex-

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a m i n i ng what we k now . As we fo rce o u r expe rience i n to r i g i d m o l d s, o u r i n n er world c a n beco m e s m a l l er and m o re l i m i ted, rat h e r than en r i c hed by our d a i l y ex periences. Con f i n e d to concepts t h a t l i m i t o u r expres s i o n s of fee l i n g and i n s i g ht, we can o n l y d u p l i cate t h e patterns we have l earned, l i ke o u r parents, gra n d parents, and t h e i r pare nts befo re t h e m . A l l the k n o w l edge we g a i n f ro m our fo r m a l ed u cation and from our experi e n c e m ay o n l y be a n i n c reas i ng ly com p l ex assoc i at i o n of concepts that have l i tt l e mean ing to a h u ma n l i fe. S u c h concepts a re too froze n , too part i c u l arized, too d i sta n t from t h e rea l m of l i v i n g t h i n gs to express o u r deeper level s of experi ence. U n t i l we q ue s t i o n , a n a lyze, a n d reassess t h e con cepts we u se to express o u rselves, we are restri cted to o n ly o n e set of i n t e r p retat i o n s for o u r ex periences. W h e t h e r t h ey accord w i t h t h e rea l i ty of what i s h appen i n g o r b r i n g u s u n n ecessa ry pa i n , w e leave o u rse lves no c h o i c e b u t to l i ve in t h i s l i m ited rea l m . Even i f o u r m e n t a l world i s lo n e ly, a n d w e gai n l i tt l e p l ea s u re f r o m o u r experien ces, o u r t h o u g h t s are fam i l i a r a n d g ive u s a n i l l u s i o n of sec u rity a n d con trol t h at b i n d s u s to t h e m . We m ay see n o alternat i ve to t h i s way of u n d ersta n d i ng o u rse l ves a n d o u r wo r l d . B u t w h e n even s u c h t h o u g h t s as th ese d e pend u pon concepts we h ave n ever deeply exa m i n ed , how wou l d we k n o w t h ere a re no other poss i b i l i t i es? Can we even t h i n k about someth i n g for which we have no concept? I f we had no concept of l ove, could we fo rm expec t a t i o n s of w h at love i s l i ke, become d i sa p po i n ted w h e n our expe rience d i d not match t h ese expect a t i o n s, or fanta s i z e about peo p l e we love? If we had no n o t i o n of l ove, c o u l d we hate? What i f

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we had no concept of ' I ', or of ou rselves as s o m e h ow separate fro m oth ers? Then what wo u l d we love or hate? Cou ld we bec o m e attac h ed to peo p l e o r t h i n gs , experience i n secu rity, o r fea r rejec t i o n ? I f soci ety cou l d not p resent us w i t h i d ea l s t h at d i d not m a t c h t h e rea l i ty o f o u r s i t u at i o n , wo u l d we fee l gu i l ty t h a t w e cou l d n o t l i ve u p t o t h e m ? H ow m i g h t the q u a l i ty of o u r l i ves be d i ffere n t i f we h ad no ' s h o u l d ' or 'wou l d ' in our la ng uage? I f we look caref u l ly at our experience, we can see t h at many t h i ngs t h a t see m su bsta n t i a l a n d real a re ac t u a l ly not i o n s formed by o u r m i n d s . T h i n k i n g about them a n d using them d a i ly, we tend t o forget t h a t t h ey are m ental form u l at i o n s a n d re l ate to t h e m as rea l . Thus happi ness, fo r exa m p l e , i s n o t i n herent i n t h e objects w e des i re, b u t g rows o u t of t h e w a y w e i n terpret a cert a i n k i n d of exc i te m e n t . H owever m u ch we va l u e h a p p i n e ss , i t too i s only a concept, a n a m e t h at w e l earn t o a pp l y t o cert a i n types of s i t u at i o n s o r fee l i ngs. W i t h o u t our i dea of h a p p i ness a n d the m a n y re l a ted not i o n s concern i n g w h at m a kes u s h a p py, wo u ld we know if we were h a ppy? Co u l d we be u n happy? Wou l d we h ave the same fee l i ngs i f we l ac ked a word to express t h e m ? H ow co u l d we spend t i m e t h i n k i n g abo u t whether we were h a p py, o r feel deprived if we were n o t ? I t i s n e a r l y i m possi b l e fo r u s t o i m ag i n e what l i fe wou l d be l i ke w i t h o u t s u c h fam i l i ar concepts. We have come to trust our present con cept u a l pattern i n g as a reaso n a b l y re l i a b l e refl ect i o n of t r u t h , a n d see no reaso n to q u est i o n i t . B u t does o u r con cept u a l pattern-

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i n g i nc rease o u r o p t i o n s fo r b e i n g a n d act i n g i n t h e world, o r i s i t t o o l i m i ted t o serve o u r n eeds? Are ou r p rese n t con cepts a b l e to acco m modate a l l t h e knowl edge poss i b l e for us to ga i n , o r h ave t h ey bec o m e too r i g i d to s u s t a i n a m o re c o m preh e n s ive perspect ive on k n ow l edge? W h en we depend a u t o m at i c a l l y u pon concepts, w hether in t ho u gh ts, speec h , o r writi ng, we can a ct u a l l y d ec rease our a bi l i ty to c o m m u n icate. We a l l l i ve i n ou r o w n m e n t a l rea l m ; o u r i n d iv i d u a l exper i e n ces have cond i t i o n ed t h e spec i fi c con notat i o n s of t h e concepts we use. A l t h o u g h o u r mental wo rlds overlap t h ose of oth ers, t hey are never co m p letely i d e n t i c a l . Depend i n g o n k n o w l ed ge fi l tered t h rough c o n c e p t s , we c a n n o t w h o l l y c o m m u n i cate our i n t e n d ed m ean i n g; i n stead , we are s u bt l y i sol a ted from one anoth er. A l t h ough we a l l use the same words d a i ly, t h e re is a gap in o u r com m u n i cation that can not be f u l l y c l o sed . When we t r a n s l ate t h e con cepts of one c u l t u re i n to t h ose of anoth er, t h i s gap i n com m u n i cat i o n is w i d ened. The m ean i n g of e a c h concept m ay appear t h e same, b u t the co n n otati o n s asso c i ated w i t h i t m ay vary great ly. Today, as E n g l i s h a n d other western lan gu ages a re i n creasi n g ly u sed in worl d w i d e com m u n i cat i o n , t h e peo p l e s o f t h e world seem t o b e movi ng toward a sh ared body of concepts. Yet what is shared m ay o n l y be su perfi c i a l ; t h e sa m e words may have d i fferent m ea n i n gs w i t h i n d i ff erent c u l t u res. Even the structu re of d i fferent l a n g u ages m ay great l y i n fl u ence t h e ab i l i ty to express i m po rtant n u an ces of mean i n g. T h u s t h ere is great pot e n t i a l for confu s i o n and m i s u n d e rsta n d i n g . We may u n k n ow i n g l y l ose va l u able

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knowledge i n tra n s l a t i o n . O r t h e worl d 's peo p l es may come to beh ave l i ke part n e rs in a bad re l a t i o n s h i p , exc h a n g i n g ta l k a n d reass u ran ces, b u t l a c k i n g a bas i s fo r rea l com m u n icat i o n . Are ou r c u rrent concept u a l pattern s n ecessari I y t h e best bas i s fo r i n c reas i n g o u r u n de rstan d i n g of o u r selves and o u r worl d ? H ave we e x p l o red t h e assu m p t i o n s u n derl y i n g o u r concepts? H ad co n d i t i o n s i n o u r past b e e n d i ffere n t , other m en t a l patterns m i g h t h ave evo l ved j u s t as easi ly; t h e n we wo u l d be l i v i n g i n another m ental l a n d scape, j u st as c o n f i d e n t i n o u r sense of rea l ity as we a re today. W h a t we n o w co n s i d er to be u n q uest i o n a ble, self-ev i d e n t t r u t h s m i g h t not even exist; we wou l d have no way to t h i n k about t h e m , yearn f o r t h e m , s u ffer over t h e m , o r f i g h t f o r t h e m .

O

f w e refl ect on t h e natu re of concepts a n d how u n c r i t i ca l l y we accept the rea l i ty t h ey c reate, it may seem that we a re c au g h t in the m id st of s o m e elaborate c o m puter p rogram t h a t i s opera t i n g w i t h o u t o u r consc i o u s dec i s i o n . A n d yet we tend t o f e e l t h at we a re i n c h a rge of o u r t h i n k i n g. A re we ru n n i n g t h e progra m o r i s t h e progra m ru n n i n g u s ? Can we separate ou rselves fro m the program and a l low our t h o u g h t s and act i o n s to be i n formed by a m o re com p re h e n s ive and trustworthy k n ow i n g i n t ri n s i c to o u r own b e i n g ? I n t h e l i g h t of g reater u nd ersta n d i ng, cou l d w e ret r a i n o u r m i n d s i n to a m o re s a t i sfy i n g way of see i n g ? I s i t poss i b l e t o see t h rough o u r conce p t u a l pa ttern i n g ? M ight t h e re b e a way we co u l d open u p o u r con cepts and revi ta l i ze them w i t h m ea n i n gs that a l low u s to com m u n i c ate o u r i d eas m o re com p l etely? Co u l d we

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fi n d concepts t h a t a re c l oser to t h e i m m ed i acy of o u r experience a n d m o re i n t u n e w i t h o u r i n s i g h t s and fee l i n g s ? There m ay be w ays t o g l i m pse a m o re s u b t l e s i d e of o u r con sc i o u s n ess t h a t c o u l d a l low u s t o exa m i n e t h e fi xed patterns of o u r m i n d s m o re c l early. When we re l ax t h e body, we c a n s l ow t h e flow of t h oughts and i m ages, a n d observe m o re d i rect ly t h e t h ought process i t s e l f . S u c h re l ax a t i o n n eed n o t i nvolve any spec i a l t ec h n i q u e . I t i s s i m p l y a matter of observ i n g t h e t h o u g h ts t h a t co m e, w i t h o u t co m m ent o r i n terpreta t i o n s . When we t ry t h i s way of observ i n g t h e m i n d at work, w h a t we see m ay not be q u i t e what we expect- i t m ay not a p pear to be very i m porta nt. B u t over a p e r i o d of t i m e , we c a n beg i n to observe with a n u n forced , relaxed concentrat i o n t h a t m ay be a new experi e n c e i n i t s e l f . T h i s way of loo k i n g i nw a rd m ight lead to i m porta n t i n s i g h t s i n to t h e n a t u re of t hought, a s we l l as a new awareness of t h e conn ect i o n s be tween t h o u g h t s a n d fee l i ngs. Left to t h e m se l ves, thoughts tend to carry on to a po i n t w h e re t h ey p a u se, a l most as i f t h ey h ave con verged at a b l a n k wa l l . We m i g h t h ave experi en ced s u c h a p a u se w h e n rigoro u s l y fo l low i n g a p a rt i c u l ar tra i n of t h o u g h t o r w h e n we fo u n d o u rse lves ' s t u c k ' on a pro b l e m . A t a n y t i m e t h e m i nd may b e si l e n t for a m o m e n t . I f t h i s pause is noted, we u s u a l l y consider t h a t we h ave reac h ed the e n d of a t ra i n of t h o u g h t . I f no new t h o u g h ts a r i s e to con t i n u e i t , w e t u rn o u r att e n t i o n to a n o t h e r s u bject. But that see m i n g ' d ead end' w h e re t h o u g h t s m e l t i n to a s i n g l e po i n t c o u l d a l so be a gateway t o new

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know l edge. Foc u s i n g on t h i s po i n t w i t h a b a l a n ced conce n t rat i o n , we m i g h t see poss i b i l i t i es fo r a way of k nowi ng t h a t l i es beyon d o u r acc u st o m ed pattern of t h i n k i n g. If we can rem a i n re l axed and aware, we m i g h t sen se a fee l i n g of b r i g h t n ess, as i f l i g h t were sh i n i n g t h ro u g h t h e s i l e nce. O u r u s u a l f l o w of t h o u g h ts a n d o u r h a b i t of f i x i n g a tten t i o n o n t h e co n t e n t of t h o u g h t s g i ve u s few opport u n i t i e s t o sense t h e p resence o f l i g h t i n o u r mental i m agery. I f w e re l a x o u r h o l d o n t h e c o n t e n t of thought a n d are atte n t ive to t h e t h o u g h ts t h e m selves, w e m i g h t sense t h o u g h t s a ri s i n g from w i th i n t h i s brigh t n ess j u st before t h ey form i n to word s. The process may occ u r so fast t h at we i m m ed i at e l y i d en t i fy t h o u gh ts w i t h words o r perh a p s w h o l e stri n g s o f words that beg i n a n i n n e r d i a l o g u e . As m o re i n terpretat i o n s fo l l ow, i nvo l v i n g com b i n a t i o n s of c o n cepts t h a t evo ke st ro n g e m o t i o n a l tones, we m ay becom e aware of fee l i n g b u rd en ed by a sense of heav i n ess t h at a p pears to be d a r k a n d seri o u s. What thoughts contri b u t e to t h i s h eav i n ess? W h a t h a s h appened t o the q u a l i t i es of open n ess a n d l i g h t w i t h w h i c h t h e p rocess bega n ? Perh aps a s we ask t h ese q u est i o n s, t h e flow of thoughts aga i n bri efly p a u ses. But a l m ost at o n ce, a new flow of t h o u g h t s i s i n m o t i o n , last i n g a l o n g t i m e o r perhaps o n l y a few m o m e n t s before a n o t h e r seq uence beg i n s. W h ere a re t h ese s t r i n g s of t h o u g h ts com i n g fro m ? What h a ppens w h e n we take posses s i o n of t h e t h o u g h t s a n d consc i o u s l y g u i d e them i n a spec i fi c d i rect i o n ? Perhaps there d o e s n o t see m to b e a p a u s e i n t h e flow of t h o u g h t : We are ca u g h t u p i n o n e seq u ence

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t h at h as a t h e m e or ' story l i ne', when sudden ly the content s h i ft s , a n d we fi n d ou rselves i n the m i d d l e of another story . H ow d i d we get fro m one story to the other? Does each one h ave a beg i n n i n g and an end, o r are they co n t i n u o u s ? D o they overlap, i nf l u e n c i n g each ot h e r? Q u est i o n i n g t h o u g h t s i n t h i s way, we can relax o u r fi xed h o l d on t h e content of t h o u g h t and ga i n new i n s i g h t s i n to o u r m en t a l processes. Every thought is an opport u n ity to observe a n d learn from o u r m i nd . With experi en ce, we can beg i n to see how t h o u gh ts can act u a l l y c reate c o n f u s i o n a n d p ro l o n g u n p l easan t states of m i n d . Eve n t u a l l y i t w i l l beco m e m o re obv i o u s how o n e t h o u g h t gen erates an oth er, and h o w the m o m e n t u m o f t h o u g h t s t e n d s to b u i l d o n i t s e l f , cyc l i n g a n d recyc l i n g i m pu l ses th ro u gh t h e m i n d . J u st a s a weaver c reates a tapest ry b y estab l i sh i n g t h e bas i c t h reads of a f a b ri c a n d e m b e l l i s h i n g i t w i t h patte rn after pattern, o u r m i nd s seem t o weave t h o u g h t s a n d i m ages i n e n d l es s rep l icat i o n s . When we catch t h e beg i n n i n g of a t h o u g h t , we can observe how i t beg i n s w i t h a s i m p l e pat tern that is open and spac i o u s, g row i n g m o re d e n se as i m ages i n tertw i n e i n ever m o re com p l ex patt e r n s . Sti m u l a t i n g m e m o ri e s a n d assoc iat i o n s t h at evoke u n i verses of fee l i ngs a n d e m o t i o n s, t h o u g h t s l ose t h e i r open ness as t h ey pro l i ferate a n d i n termesh . S i m u l t a n eo u s l y , w e can sense o u r c r i t i ca l facu lt ies at work, l a be l i n g o u r experi e n c e as h a p p i ness, d epressi o n , ecstasy, bored o m , or a n ger, as n o b l e o r b l a m eworthy. As each expe r i e n c e i s sea l ed and w i t nessed by the m i n d , our thoughts about it become mo re s u b sta n t i a l

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and ' real'; we then i d e n t i fy w i t h t h e expe r i e n c e and react to it accord i n g to our cond i t i o n i n g. O u t of a l l the pos s i b i I i t i es fo r v i ew i n g a part i c u l a r experien ce, we m ay c h oose to c a l l i t ' p l easu re'. Then we pro j ect t h e expe rience o u t s i d e o f ou rselves, a n d dec i d e that we want to have that experi ence. Reac h i n g o u t for t h i n gs we assoc i ate with p l easu re, we enco u n ter our own i m age of w h at p l eas u re ' s h o u l d be'. G ra sp i n g for an object, expect i n g to experie nce p l eas u re, a n d wa n t i n g to pro l o n g i t , we fee l p l easu re for o n l y a s h o rt t i m e . A l m ost i m m ed i ately, w e f e e l i t s l i p p i n g away. Observ i n g t h e ebb a n d flow of t h o u g h t s a l l ows u s t o see h o w t h e m i n d attaches l a b e l s t o percept i o n s , fee l i n gs, a n d e m o t i o n s, a n d h ow i t t h e n pro d u ces c o m m e n tary after co m m enta ry on w h at we a re experien c i ng. See i n g t h ese patte r n s of t h o u g h ts b e i n g woven together before o u r eyes, we m ay ask whether they act u a l ly c reate a so l i d c l o t h . Perh aps it i s poss i b l e t o view o u rse l ves- not j u st o u r perso n a l i ty, a ppear ance, and act i v i t i es, but the very root of o u r bei ng- i n a d i ffere n t way. S u c h a fresh a n d open v i ew co u ld re l i eve the m i n d of t h e t e n d e n c i e s t h at freeze experi ence a n d m a k e us vu l nera b l e to c o n f u s i o n . O n c e we k n ow i t i s poss i b l e to loosen the hold of concepts t h at entangle u s i n e m o t i o n a l pa i n , we h ave taken t h e fi rst steps toward a new u n d erstan d i n g t h a t cou Id tran sfo rm the q u a l i ty of all our experience. With greater i n s i g ht i n to w h o we are, w h at we a re, why we perce ive, fee l , u n derst a n d , a n d i n terpret in t h e m a n n e r w e do, everyt h i ng we k n ow m i g h t be c o n sid ered fro m an en t i re l y n e w perspec t i ve. T h e n w e cou ld a n a l yze o u r ass u m pt i o n s m o re deeply, dec i d i n g for ou rselves w h a t i t i s poss i b l e t o c h a nge o r n o t to

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c h a n ge , w h i c h ways of t h i n k i n g are healthy and v a l u a b l e, a n d w h i c h i nv o l ve us in n eedl ess s u ffering. A s we cont i n u e to q u est i o n , our t h o u ghts may grow m o re v i t a l a n d c l ea r, open i n g u p n ew poss i b i l i t i es for s e l f- u n d e rsta n d i n g a n d m o re control over t h e d i rec t i o n of o u r l ives.

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T h e I as K i n g

Like a great king protec ted by his army, the ' I ' is at home in its cas tle.

f(Y nee

o u r p l a net was a great k i n gd o m at t h e

W center of the u n iverse, e n c i rc l ed by t h e s u n , t h e moon, a n d t h e stars t h a t gave i t l i g h t . M a n , ru l e r o f t h e eart h ly s p h e re, conceived t h e p l ay of t h e cosmos as a perfo r m a n c e en acted fo r h i s i n s t r u ct i o n , a n d read h i s dest i n y i n t h e m ovem e n t s of stars a n d p l a nets. H u m a n m ove m e n t s were t i m ed and g u i d ed by n at u ra l p h e n o m e n a i n a n i n t i m ate d r a m a of fo rm a n d s pace, encom passed by d iv i n e presence. I n rec e n t cen t u ri es, t h i s v i ew has c h a n ged. Earth has now taken i t s p l ace in the vast n ess of s pace, a s p i n n i n g body c i rc l i n g a n average- s i zed star, w h i c h i n t u rn i s b u t o n e o f m i l l io n s o f s t a rs w i t h i n o n e o f m a n y galaxies i n o u r known u n i verse. T h i s v i ew o f t h e w o r l d w a s once c o n s i d e red revo l u t i o n a ry , b u t q u i c k l y be came s u p po rted by an ever-grow i ng accu m u l a t i o n of data, and has now been l o n g acce pted.

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When t h e b e l i ef i n t h e cen t r i c ity of t h e ea rth gave way to t h i s new v i ew of t h e cosmos, t h e re l a t i o n s h i p between h u m a n b e i n g s a n d t h e i r u n iverse ch an ged . Peo p l e began to l ose t h e i r sense of felt part i c i pation with n a t u ra l a n d d i v i n e forces. At t h e same t i me, new ex p l a n a t i o n s of c a u se a n d effect c reated a new sense of o rd e r in the u n i verse: The l aws gover n i n g the n a t u ra l o rd e r seem ed n o l o n ger beyo n d h u m a n u nd e rstand i n g, b u t d i scovera b l e by t h e i n t e l l ect of m a n . A l t h ough a t fi rst d i m i n i s h ed by t h e reve l a t i o n of t h e eart h 's re l at i ve i n s i g n i fi ca n ce i n t h e cosmos, h u m a n be i n gs even t u a l l y deve l o ped new co n fi d ence in t h e i r a b i l i ty to ga i n s u p re m acy ove r t h e known u n iverse. The ro l e of h u m a n be i n g in the world began to seem even l a rger t h a n befo re. N ew v i st a s opened for explora t i o n by t h e h u m a n i n t e l l e c t . T h e h eavens, once t h e rea l m of t h e d i v i n e, j o i ned t h e n at u ra l world as the p rov i n ce of the h u m a n m i n d . D e s p i t e a new v i s i o n o f t h e vast n ess o f t h e u n i verse, t h e view t h a t t h e cosmos exi sts fo r t h e bene fit of m a n t h u s l a rgely pers i sts. B u t the sense of c lose i n tercon nect i o n between h u m a n bei n g s and the rest of t h e cosmos h a s fa l l e n i n to d ec l i n e . Today a sense of t h e s p i r i t u a l as a co u n te rba l a n ce to sec u l a r con cern s no l o n ge r gu i d e s our v i s i o n , a n d h u m an be i ngs seem to s t a n d a p a rt from a l l t h a t exists in the rea l m of n at u re a s we l l . A s t h e ra nge o f h u m a n k n ow l edge co n t i n ues to expand to t h e far rea c h es of t h e u n iverse, we may we l l m a rvel a t t h e h u m a n m i n d a n d i t s capac i ty for k n o w l edge. Were we to e x p l o re o u r m i n d w i t h t h e sa m e i n t e n s i t y t h at we have now exp l o red t h e wo rld a ro u n d u s , what n ew fro n t i ers m i g h t we d i scover?

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What i n terco n n ec t i o n s between h u m a n b e i n g a n d other for m s of l i f e ? Bet wee n fo r m , b e i n g , s p a c e ? What do we now k n ow a b o u t t h e n at u re of h u m a n being? Co l l ect ively, we h ave recorded h i sto ries o f h u man act iv i t i es, doc u m e n ted h u m a n i d eas, a n d probed t h e o r i g i n s of m a n . St i l l , t h ere i s l i t t l e con se n s u s as to w h at h u m an b e i n g i s . I n o n e v i ew , h u m a n ity began as a u n i q u e c reat i o n , e n d owed with a c o n s c i o u s ness capa b l e o f k n ow i n g a n d respo n d i n g to a c reator; i n a n o t h e r v i ew , h u m a n b e i n g a rose from a l o n g c h a i n o f fo rms t h at began i n a k i n d of p r i m o rd i a l s tew, sparked i n to l i fe by c h e m i c a l i n teract i o n s. A co m b i n ed v i ew s u ggests t h a t evo l u t i o n gave r i se to t h e spec i fi c h u m a n fo r m , w h i c h a t o n e po i n t bec a m e u n i q u e l y a b l e t o u n de rsta n d i ts d iv i n e o r i g i n s . O n o n e po i n t everyo n e see m s to agree: H u m a n bei n g i s t h e m o s t advan ced form o f l i fe w e know. H u ma n bei n g i s st i l l k i n g , s u p re m e among a l l l i v i n g t h i ngs, s u b j ect on l y- accord i n g t o on e's bel i ef- to t h e w i l l of a c reator, t h e p l ay of dest i n y, or t h e l i m i t a t i o n s of h u m a n i n t e l l igence. Our q u est for the o r i g i n of h u m a n being see m s to end i n be l i ef o r t h eo ry . We can be l i eve in a c reator, but how can we be certa i n ? We can t h eorize about evo l u t i o n , but ou r k n o w l edge i s i n c o m p l ete a n d van i s hes in the obsc u r i ty of t i m e . Though sc i e nce m ea su res t h e b ra i n capa c i ty of early m a n , analyzes his bone structu re, a n d st u d i es h i s e n v i ron m en t a n d c u l t u re, it can sti l l on l y spec u l a te a s to how a tru ly h u m a n consC i o u sn ess arose. We c a n n o t k n ow the t h o u g h ts, fee l i ngs, o r con cepts of ea rly m a n p r i o r to w r i t ten record s . We c a n n ot

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even be certa i n t h a t o u r a n ces tors a t h o u sa n d years ago k n ew t h e i r world as we k n ow o u rs. H ow m ig h t t h e h u m a n m i nd h ave deve l oped i n t h e i n te ri m ? W h a t c h a n ges i n percep t i o n o r p a t t e r n s of a c t i o n m ig h t have occu rred ? What evo l u t i o nary d eve l o p m e n t m i ght even now be t a k i n g p l ac e ? B i o l og i c a l a n d m ed i ca l sc i e n ces have a n a lyzed t h e body i n t h e sa m e w a y t h a t we h ave a n a l yzed other obj ects i n o u r wo r l d . I n recent years, observ a t i o n has reached m o re a n d m o re m i c rosco p i c l evels-we are now acq u a i n ted w i t h t h e struct u re of genes and t h e m et a bo l i s m of c e l l s . We k n ow how to a l ter hered i ty a n d c a n ferti l i ze h u m a n cel l s i n test tu bes. Some day we m ay be a b l e to construct a h u m a n cel l and b r i n g i t to l i fe, o r fo s t e r e m b ryos to m a t u ri ty o u t s i d e a m o t h e r's body. B u t our tec h n o logy has not b ro u g h t us c l oser to u nd e rsta n d i n g t h e n a t u re of h u m a n be i n g. D efi n it i o n s of h u m a n l i fe see m l e s s certa i n t h a n ever before. For exa m p l e, a gen e ra t i o n ago, h u m a n l i fe was t h o u g h t to pers i st as l o n g as t h e h eart con t i n u ed beat i n g. N ow t h a t hearts c a n be restarted, l i ke a u to m o b i l e engi nes, o r even c reated a rt i f i c i a l l y, a l iv i n g bra i n is co n s i d ered t h e essen t i a l c r i t e r i o n for l i fe. B u t even t h i s defi n i t i o n i s pro b l e m a t i c , for we can s u sta i n bra i n s t h at s h o w no s i g n of consc i o u s act i v i ty. What if the b ra i n is f u n ct i o n i ng, but the body is dependent u po n a r t i fi c i a l s t i m u l a t i o n ? I f the bra i n is i m pa i red a n d the l evel of c o n s c i o u sn ess i s d u l led, at w h a t po i n t can we say h u m a n be i n g no l o nger exists? Despite what we h ave l earned a bo u t h u m a n b i o logy, k n ow l edge of o u r i nt r i n s i c n a t u re re m a i n s e l u s i ve.

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T h e m i n d i s the l ast fro n t i e r i n t h e study of m a n ' s u n i q u eness. B u t what i s t h e h u m an m i n d ? I s i t t h e bra i n , or located w i t h i n t h e b ra i n ? V i ta l t o h u m a n l i fe, cen tra l to the f u n c t i o n i n g of the body, the b r a i n seems to be o u r m ost d i st i n g u i s h i n g featu re. But what m a kes the h u m a n bra i n h u m a n ? We c a n t race t h e act i v i t i es of the b ra i n to some extent, b u t how does i t l earn a n d t h i n k ? What exact ly d i rects i t s f u n c t i o n i n g ? Do a l l h u m a n bra i n s f u n c t i o n a l i ke ? I f not, what m a kes o n e h u man bra i n th i n k d i ffere n t l y from a n o t h e r ? A n swers to some such q u est i o n s are cu rren t ly bei ng s o u g h t i n t h e study of n e u ra l patterns a n d bra i n b i och e m i st ry. Although certa i n co n n ect i o n s h ave been d i scovered , o u r u n dersta n d i n g see m s f a r from co m p l ete. Observa t i o n of h u m an behavior h as pro v i d ed another ap proac h . Over t h e past o n e h u n d red years, t h eories developed fro m such observat i o n h ave g i ven u s n u m erou s expl a n a t i o n s of h u m a n behavior. N e u roses a n d i n stab i l i ty are said t o b e d u e t o fam i l y i n teract i o n s o r soc i a l cond i t i o n s o r t o vari o u s co m b i n a tions o f c u l t u ra l a n d b i o l o g i c a l factors. Yet o u r t h eo r i e s rely u pon defi n i t i o n s of n o r m a l h u m a n n e e d s , d es i res, and behaviors d e r i ved fro m soc i a l st a n dards and conven t i o n s; s i n c e the fu l l ra nge of h u m a n c o n sc i o u s ness has not yet bee n ascerta i n ed, we h ave defi ned ' no r m a l ' as equal to ' average'. When deviat i o n s from stand ards of norm a l ity beco m e so c i a l p ro b l e m s, o r w h e n h u m a n b e i n g s beco m e u na b l e to cope, t h e ra py a n d d ru g s c a n ' n or m a l ize' t h e i r states of m i n d a n d e n a b l e t h e m to ret u rn to soc i ety. B u t ou r k n owledge a n d tec h n i q u es appear i n suffi c i e n t : Psyc h o l o g i c a l and e m ot i o n a l d i so rd e rs seem to be i nc reasi n g i n n u m be r a n d vari ety. W e

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co n t i n u e to l o o k f o r m o re e ff ec t i ve ways of c o n t ro l l i n g a b n o r m a l behav i o r a n d d ea l i n g w i t h sym p t o m s of e m o t i o n a l d i s-ease. I n s p i t e o f our resea rc h , h u m an patterns of t hought a n d a c t i o n rem a i n essen t i a l l y u n pred ictable. We have no con s e n s u s on t h e spec i f i c c a u ses of h u m an act i o n s; l ac k i n g t h i s c o n se n s u s, we fi n d i t d i ffi c u l t to determ i n e w h o shou l d be h e l d respo n s i b l e when act i o n s cannot be c o n t ro l l ed . T h o u g h we have st u d i ed behav i o rs and e m o t i o n a l patterns, exa m i n i n g the m i n d fro m the o u t s i d e , o u r i nves t i g a t i o n of the self a n d m i nd i s far f ro m co m p l ete. Can we deve l o p new fo r m s of self i n q u i ry ? Ca n we i nvesti gate m o re d i rect l y how t h e m i n d f u n c t i o n s a n d how t h e se l f i s estab l i s h ed ?

1;;\ s i n d i v i d u a l h u m a n b e i ngs, what do we real ly ru k n ow a b o u t o u rselves? H owever we c a m e i nto bei n g , d o we q u e s t i o n t h e fac t that we exist? Form , fee l i n gs, percepti o n s, c o n ce p t u a l i z i n g a b i l i t i es, and c o n s c i o u s n es s verify our e x i stence as l iv i n g bei ngs. Our own expe r i e n c e ap pears to confirm o u r ex i stence. We appear to exi st, but how do we know we exi st? We t h i n k, we re m e m ber, we h ave a body, we have a m i n d , perso n a l i ty, a n d somet h i n g we c a l l I ; we have k now ledge; we h ave s k i l l s; we h ave needs and wants; we h ave asp i ra t i o n s , h o pes a n d d reams; we h ave e m o t i o n s , v i ews, a n d att i t u d es; we a re h a p py, sad , lovi n g, o r an g ry . We a re t h e center of o u r experience. We a re the d ec i s i o n - m a ke r, the j u dge of what has va l u e. Can we even con ceive of n o t ex i s t i n g ? '

'

W h en we say ' I ' exist, w h a t d o we m ean b y ' I '? Do we m ea n t h e p h y s i c a l body, toge t h e r w i t h the sen ses

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t h a t enable u s to perceive o u r world a n d expe r i e nce thoughts a n d fee l i n gs ? But we tend to say " I h ave a body", not " I a m a body"; ' I ' exert cont ro l over ' i t ' . ' I ' a l so have a m i n d , a l t h o u g h i t i s open t o q u estion how m uch of t h i s m i nd i s a l ways u nder ' my' c o n t ro l . W h a t i s t h i s ' I ' t h a t o rga n i z es, t h i n ks, experien ces, a n d contro l s? Wh ere i s t h e perso n a l ity t h a t m a kes ' m e' d i ffere n t fro m a l l other h u m a n be i n gs, from a l l other forms of l i fe, a n d from everyt h i n g else i n ' m y' worl d ? I s ' I ' ' m y' i nd iv i d u a l , etern a l so u l t h at s u rvives t h e death of t h e body? I f s o , w h y a m ' I ' s o rel u c ta n t t o let g o of a n a g i n g , s u fferi n g body? Are we afra i d o f what m i g h t h a ppen t o t h i s ' I ' o n c e i t h as l o st t h e protec t i o n of t h e body ? Are we con cern ed t h a t t h i s ' I ' i s not s o s u bsta n t i a l a s w e w a n t t o b e l i eve? I f ' I ' i s t h e so u l , how c a n i t b e eternal a n d u n c h a n g i n g , i f a t o n e po i n t i t fee l s s t ro n g a n d i n contro l , a n d at a n o t h er t h reatened w i t h h u m i l i a t i o n , e m barrassment, or fea r? I s ' I ' n ecessary fo r the body to f u n c t i o n ? We have no proof that t h i s is so. I n fact , t h e body m ay we l l act more effi ci en t ly w i t h o u t t h e i n terfe re n ce of ' I '. ' I ' see m s t o have l i t t l e control over m etabo l i c processes and m u c h of the ne rvo u s sys t e m ; heartbeat and b reat h , though most v i t a l t o o u r l i fe, d o n o t req u i re m o n i tori n g b y ' I ' . D i rect h u m an responses to e m erge n c i es a re often most effect ive w h e n we a re n o t c o n s c i o u s of a n ' I ' a t work . Perhaps we k n ow of i m poss i b l e feats performed u n d e r d u ress, as when a m o t h e r h as l i fted a car to free a c h i ld tra p ped u n der it. In s u c h cases, i t see ms we can act befo re the ' I ' has a c h a n c e to t h i n k : '" I ' cannot do t h i s . " What i s i t t h at responds i n t h ese i n stances? Perh aps o u r n o t i o n of ' I ' is i n su ffi c i e n t to describe the w h o l e of o u r bei n g .

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W h at do we rea l l y k n ow abo u t t h i s ' I ' that is so pervasive, that owns o u r bod i es, fee l i n gs, percept ions, i d eas, concepts, a n d possi b l y so u l s ? Can we set aside a l l our ass u m pt i o n s of w h a t ' I ' m i g h t refer to and ask i t to prove i ts existence? Can we ask i t "What a re yo u ? " a n d rec e i ve a n y a n swer o t h e r t h a n " I a m " ? W e can q uest i o n every o t h e r k i n d of knowledge, i n c l u d i n g t h e nat u re, even the exi stence of a d iv i n e c reator, b u t we are c u r i o u s l y u n a b l e to q u estion t h i s ' I '. ' I t' j u st i s- i m pe n etra b l e, myst e r i o u s l y i n accessi ble, u n seen . L i ke a g reat k i n g protected by h i s army, the ' I ' is at home in i t s cast l e . T h e su pre m e l y confi dent ' I ' can wel l afford to d i s regard o u r q u est i o n s . W h at wou l d h a p pen i f we d ec i d ed t o consider o u rselves separate from t h i s ' I ' for a t i m e; i f we i ssued a c h a l l e nge to t h e ' I ' ? For exa m p l e , when ' I ' responds to a d es i re, we c o u l d say n o . What h appens? Does t h e d es i re i n t e n s i fy ? W h at t h o u g h t s a r i s e ? What a n x i et i es o r e m o t i o n s ? Can we m a i n t a i n o u r dec i s i o n , o r do we feel d riven to respo n d ? H ow m a n y reaso n s a rise to c o n v i n c e u s t h a t we h ave to re spo n d ? What i m ages c o m e to m i n d , w h a t fears of loss? I f we can re m a i n u n m ov i n g , perh a ps we w i l l n o t e a sh i ft i n g q u a l ity to t h e t h o u g h t s a n d fee l i ngs t h a t p l ay on o u r desi res, u ncerta i n t i es , a n d fears. I s th ere an ' I ' d i rec t i n g t h i s i n n e r sce n a r i o ? At t i m es w h e n we f e e l h u rt o r i n secu re, a n d o u r c o n fi d ence i s shattered, we can aga i n s e t ou rselves a pa rt and s i m p l y watch w h at a r i ses. W h en ' I ' wan ts reas s u rance, we can t ry d e p r iv i n g it as i f it were a ch i l d that n eeded to learn a very i m po rta n t l e sso n . What ever happens, we can j u s t be q u iet, w i t h o u t response, and

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s i m p l y watch t h e ' I ' . L i sten to i t rat i o n a l i ze what happened; note t h e b l a m e i t a s s i g n s , the t h reats, t h e ' second t h o u g hts', t h e fee l i ngs of g u i l t a n d fear; l i sten to it p i c k a n d n ag for c o m pany; l i st e n to i t cajole w i t h pro m i ses of a good t i m e; l i s t e n t o i t p i ty i ts e l f; note t h e sad m o u r n i n g for w h at co u l d have been; feel i t s rage. I n th i s s h i ft i n g , chaot i c i n n e r rea l m , w h e re i s o u r so l i d, st a b l e ' I ' ? If w e h ave b e e n a b l e to re m a i n q u i et a n d w a t c h the though ts that a r i se, we m ay h ave observed t h a t i t i s poss i b l e t o separate part of o u rselves fro m w h a t i s happen i n g . We c a n s i m p l y observe o u r t h o u g h ts, feel i n gs, mental i m agery, and u rg i n g s; we do not h ave to act on t h e m . W h o i s t h i s observer? Who i s exert i n g i n fl u ence over whether 'we' respo n d ? Perh a p s we are more co m p l ex bei ngs t h a n we t h o u g h t.

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T h e I l l u so ry I

Questioning the ' 1 ', ego, self- image, or any other label we associa te with ourselves, we can track dissatisfaction to its source.

,\\ c\fl h e n w e l o o k a t a n y experi en ce, w e c a n note \J\J the s i g h ts, s o u n d s , bod i l y sen sat i o n s , smel l s , tastes, a n d m en ta l i m agery that flood o u r senses a n d s t i m u late o u r bod ies. I f we resist t h ese i n n e r i nvitat i o n s to res po n d a n d s i m p l y s i t w i t h o u r expe ri ence, w e can l o o k beneath the s u rface, watc h i n g vag u e sensat i o n s a n d fee l i ngs ari se, sol i d i fy, p a s s t h rough d i ffering i n te n s i t i e s , a n d su bside. As l o n g as we re m a i n de tached, we can observe t h e e b b a n d flow of i n n e r responses. Carefu l observ a t i o n reve a l s an a l e rt, poi sed q u a l i ty, a k i n d of expecta ncy or read i n ess. I f we bala nce o u rselves i n t h i s q u a l i ty, we can s e n se a s u bt l e tension s u p port i n g i t , o r feel t h e v i b rat i o n s o f o u r sen ses poweri n g t h i s read i n ess. A l t h o u g h a p paren t l y st i l l , the m i nd in its read i n ess is a l ready reach i n g o u t and i n v i t i n g st i m u l at i o n . L i ke

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a frog s i t t i n g mot i o n l ess u n t i l a move m e n t w i t h i n i t s range st i m u l a tes a l i g h t n i n g fl i c ker of i t s t o n g u e , o u r m i n ds are prepared f o r i n sta n t respo n se. Out of t h e vast p l ay o f e n ergy i n tern a l a n d extern a l to ou r bod i es, o u r phys i c a l sen ses s e l e c t certa i n d a t a t h at e n t e r t h e range of t h e i r pe rce p t i o n a n d feed t h ese i m p ress i o n s to o u r m i n d s for res po n se. A t o n c e t h e m i n d reacts to organ ize, process, a n d i n terpret t h e sensory d a t a . C o n t rasts of l i g h t , so u n d , odor, taste, bod i l y sensa t i o n s, and m e n t a l act i v i t y a re i n s t a n t l y i n tegrated , a n d t h e appro p r i ate bod i l y re spon ses a re acti vated . A t t h i s level of respo n se, o u r senses react a u to m a t i cal ly. For exa m p l e, t h e p u p i l s of o u r eyes con tract automat i c a l l y to reg u l ate l i g h t . T h e re is n o o p port u n i ty t o t h i n k a b o u t w h a t i s h a p pe n i n g o r m ake consc i o u s dec i s i o n s a bo u t w h a t t o do. O u r energy i s caught u p i n t h e m o m en t u m o f experi e n c i n g . The st i m u l at i o n of t h e sen ses a n d t h e m o m e n t u m o f o u r i n tern a l respo n ses a re d ra m at i c a n d powe r f u l ; t h i s i n teract i o n act ivates t h e m o s t basic l evels of o u r consc i o u s n ess, evo k i n g i m ages, so u n ds, s m e l l s , tastes, sensa t i o n s , a n d t h o u g h t s , t oge t h e r w i t h fee l i n gs, m e m o r i es, a n d assoc i a t i o n s r i c h i n tones a n d text u res. I m m ed i ately t h e re is a sense o f e n gage m e n t , a reac h i n g o u t to grasp, p ro l o n g, o r m a n i p u l ate t h e const a n t l y c h a n g i n g t h o u g h t s, i m ages, o r sen sat i o n s . T h e m o m e n t t h o u g h ts a n d fee l i n gs a r i se, somet h i n g en gages t h e feel i n g a n d u rges u s to act. T h e experience i s happe n i ng; t h e refo re i t m u st h ave an own er so meone to cog n ize i t , re l i sh i t , or reject i t . Bec a u se experien ce i s , ' I ' a m . Beca u se ' I ' a m , ' I ' m u st be

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experi e n c i n g so m e ' t h i ng'. But where was ' I ' I n the ea rl i est stages of t h e experi ence? I n t h e c ase of a v i s u a l percep t i o n , the process seems to beg i n w i t h an experi ence of seei n g . Th ere is someth i ng l a rge and so l i d 'out th e re' . I t is a t ree. Then w h at i s ' i n h e re' t h at is see i n g th i s t ree? I t i s ' m e'. I a m see i n g a t ree. T h e re i s see i n g , th ere i s a tree tha t can be see n , a n d t h e re i s t h e o n e see i n g t h e tree. I f there i s the experi ence o f seei ng, a n d i f t h ere is s o m et h i n g g i v i n g ri se to this see i n g, then t h ere m u st be so m eo n e doing t h e see i n g. I f ' I ' res p o n d s , t h e n i t m u st respond to the ari s i n g t h o u g h t o r i m age; t h u s, t h e t h o u g h t or i m age i s the s u bject, e ffec t i n g a res u l t u po n t h e object, ' I ' . O r is t h e t h o u g h t o r i m age t h e object, because it is not part of ' I ' ? ' I ' a m c e n t r a l , ' I ' i d e n t i fy, ' I ' name, ' I ' am the s u bject . ' I ' see the t ree, the t ree doesn't see m e ! O u r p r i m a ry expe r i e n c e i s one of respond i n g t o a s i t u at i o n that p rese nts i tself-a s i m p l e move ment of e n ergy. I n it i a l l y t h ere is o n l y an i nterac t i o n of o u r sen ses w i t h a s i t u at i o n ; o n l y seco n dari l y does t h e ex peri ence become po l a r i zed i n to su bject and obj ect a rel at i o n s h i p between two t h i ngs, s u c h as a t ree or a t h o u g h t a n d ou rselves. O n l y when we i d e n t i fy somet h i n g l i ke a thought o r a t ree does the issue of s u b ject a n d o b j ect arise at a l l ; even t h e n t h e t h o u g h t or t ree i s act u a l l y cog n i zed befo re we can k n o w : " ' 1 ' a m h av i n g a thought." H ab i t u a l ly we refer to ou rselves as the su bject or owner of t h e expe r i e n c e : '' ' I ' a m havi ng a thought" o r '' ' I ' see a tree." B u t rea l ly i t see m s t h at t h e thought it self i s t h e su bject, p rod u c i n g t h e i d ea of ' I ' as a

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response. When we reverse t h i s s i t u a t i o n l i n gu i s t i ca l ly, we con d i t i o n t h e way we v i ew our rea l i ty, t u rn i ng i t u pside down. But the ' I ' is not sat i sf i ed with itself as an object, an e n t i ty t h at receives i nc o m i n g data a n d responds. The ' I ' wa n ts to be s u bj ect, t h e owner of ex perie nce, and to d i ctate the t e r m s of res ponse. In stak i n g out t h i s pos i t i o n , ' I ' see m s to have no co m pet i t o r w i t h i n o u r bod i es a n d m i nds; i t s assert i o n s go u n c h a l l e nged, and it est a b l i s hes i t s e l f as gove r n o r o r k i n g. Sen s i n g t h at there i s a c o n t ro l l e r, we c reate a viewpo i n t t h a t w e fi nd sta b l e and sat i sf y i n g , an ' I ' that s t a n d s apart from our ex perience a n d our physical fo r m , y e t d i rects them. We beco m e able to i d e n t i fy o u rse l ves, o u r expe ri ence, a n d ' o t h e r' t h i n gs a s ' I ', ' m e', a n d ' m i ne'. H ow acc u rate i s t h i s p i c t u re ? T h e ' l ' h as i n c o m p l e te i n format i o n a s to exac t l y w h a t i s occ u r r i n g ; t h e sense of ' I ' arises after t h e m o m en t u m of percep t i o n and i n tegra t i o n is u n de rway. T h e percep t u a l p rocess flashes to its co n c l u si o n far too q u ic k l y for ' I ' to comprehend fu l l y the w e l t e r of sen sory st i m u l a t i o n s, memories, assoc i a t i o n s, a n d fee l i ngs. A l l t h a t t h e ' I ' can eva l u ate, j u dge, a n d know is the i n tegrated i m age presented to i t . Beca u se of t h e l i m i tat i o n s of o u r p h y s i c a l senses, even t h e i m age recogn i zed by the ' I ' is not e n t i re l y t r u e t o t h e external o bject at any po i n t i n t i m e . What w e consc i o u s l y pe rce ive as a s t a b l e object i s an after i m age, a composite of i n fo r m a t i o n fi I te red t h ro u g h o u r senses. A l t h o u g h t h e after- i m age see m s concrete a n d rea l , i t i s o n ly a m o m e n ta ry sta b i l i zat i o n that appro x i mates w h a t i s ' o u t there', n o m o re s u bsta n t i a l t h a n a d ream i m age t h at ari ses w i t h o u t extern a l s t i m u l a t i o n .

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Becau se eve ry t h i ng i nvolved i n t h e process of percept i o n - t h e s t i m u l u s , o u r sen sat i o n s , o u r percep t i o n s a n d t h o u g h t s- i s i n m ot i o n , t h e mo ment we beco m e awa re of a n d n a m e o u r expe r i e n ce, t h e act u a l experi ence h a s passed . A l t h ough i t t a kes t i m e f o r l i ght to refl ect o ff objects, t i m e fo r our senses to respo nd, t i m e for expe r i e n ce to be i d e n t i f i ed a n d owned by the ' I ', t h e p rocess occ u rs far too ra p i d l y for ou r u n t ra i n ed observa t i o n to d etect. When we see a star, we a re not see i n g t h e star as i t is a t t h i s m o m en t , but a s i t e x i sted perh aps m i l l io n s of years a g o . For a l l we k n ow, t h e star m ay no longer exist. I n the same way, t h ere is a gap between our act u a l expe r i ence a n d o u r i d e n t i fi ca t i o n of i t ; what we a re expe r i en c i n g a t t h i s very m o m e n t is a l ready past. Beca u se the i n terv a l between the experi ence and our i d e n t i fi ca t i o n of i t is so br i ef, we tend to confuse the fleet i n g exper i e n ce w i t h the l a b e l we assign i t . Over l oo k i n g t h e l i v i n g m o m e n t a n d rivet i n g o u r atte n t i o n to t h e c o n cept, w e m i ss aspects of experi ence t h a t a re n o t a l ready cog n i zed a n d l a b e l ed . We l i ve o u r l i ves t h rough a f i xed repert o i re of respon ses, u n a b l e to a p prec i ate t h e fl u i d , dyn a m i c n a t u re of o u r experien ce. The ' I ' m ay cont i n ue to g rasp at a m e m o ry of t h e experience, b u t i t c a n n o t pro l o n g t h e l iv i ng, c h a n g i ng m o m e n t . We c a n n o t re l i ve prec i se l y t h e same exper i e n c e a n y m o re t h a n we c a n rel i ve m o m e n t s from o u r c h i l d h ood . Pro l o n g i n g t h e sensa t i o n or savo r i n g t h e s a m e sensat i o n u n d e r s i m i l a r cond i t i o n s i s no more possi b l e t h a n draw i n g t h e sa m e water twice fro m a m ov i n g river. W h i l e o u r m i n d s partici pate d i rect ly i n

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t h e l iv i ng rea l i ty of m ove m e n t a n d c h a n ge, t h e ' I ' i s frozen i n t o a rea l m o f fixed concepts, d ead t o t h e n u ances of experience, n a t u ra l ly t h reatened by m a n i festa t i o n s of c h a nge. O n ce a n experience is appropri ated by a fee l i n g o f ' I ', t h e experience ceases t o s i m p l y be; i t can now be thought about, eva l u ated , a n d j u d ged , j o i ned w i t h memories of past experiences a n d co m p l icated by co n d i t i o ned assoc i a t i o n s. A l l of t h ese factors beco m e i n sta n t l y i n tegrated; t h e n , s i nce ' I ' o w n t h i s c o m p lex i n tegrat i o n of t h o u g h ts, fee l i n gs, m e m ori es, a ssoc i a t i ons, a n d s o fort h , ' I ' n e e d to a c t on i t- to c h a nge i t, u se i t, accept i t , reject i t , control it. L i ke an execut i ve respo n s i b l e for the we l fa re of a corporat i o n , t h e ' I ' takes c h a rge of t h e s i t u a t i o n a n d m u st respo n d . When sen sat i o n s p rod u c e d i scom fort , th ere i s n o longe r a s i m p l e exper i e n c e of d i sco m fo rt, but the not i o n : '" I ' a m u nco m forta b l e; ' I ' h ave to do someth i ng about i t . " If t h e expe rience i s p l easant, there i s not si m ply p l easu re, b u t the c o n c e p t : " ' 1 ' am happy; ' I ' want to co n t i n u e b e i n g h a p py . " The ' I ' d i ctates t h at o n e expe r i e n c e i s d es i ra b l e a n d another i s to be rejected solely i n terms of w h et h e r the expe r i e n ce s u p po rt s or th reatens t h e ' I '. P i c k i n g and choo s i n g i n t h i s way see m s to g u a ra n tee d i ssat i s fac t i o n i n o u r l i ves, f o r we co n tro l n e i t h e r t h e c i r c u m stances t h at g i ve r i se to each experience n o r o u r emotional respo n ses. We s h o u l d not fa l l i n to the trap of t h i n k i n g t h at the ' I ' i s j u st an i d ea t h at can be tossed a s i d e once i t i s acknow l edged. I f t h e ' I ' i s s i m p ly an i d ea, i t i s one

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of t h e most powerf u l l y su p po rted i d eas ever created . I t h as sh a ped t h e l ives of h u m a n bei ngs m o re t h a n a l l t h e greatest ru l ers of t h e world c o m b i n ed , a n d i t con t i n u es t o d o m i nate a l l o u r l i fe experi e n ces. S i n c e the ' I ' a ppro p r i a te s our experience and freezes it, it is t e m pt i n g to c o n s i d e r the ' I ' o r the ego as an e n e my. We c o u l d e n d o u r i n q u i ry there, proj ec t i n g a l l o u r d i ffi c u l t i es onto t h i s myste r i o u s e n t i ty. O r we m i g h t go o n e s t e p f u rt h e r a n d say t h at proj ect i o n s of t h i s sort a re j u st another of t h e ' I 's many devi ces to deceive u s; rel i eved at hav i n g fo u n d a scapegoat, we m i g h t never refl ect u pon who i t i s that i s d o i n g the project i n g. I n stead of t ry i n g to o u tw i t t h e ' I ', perhaps we can tru ly acknow l ed ge t h e rea l i ty of o u r s i t u a t i o n : the c o n f u s i o n a n d lack of awareness that lock u s i n to repeat i ng p a t terns of act i o n e n d i n g i n fru s t ra t i o n and d i ssati sfact i o n . T h e fo rces that m a k e up our world h i stori c a l , b io l o g i c a l , and m e n ta l - work together to sol i d i fy everyth i n g in o u r ex peri e n ce i n to a d e n se and stat i c rea l m of con cepts; we assign d i fferent l abels, such as pa i n , ten s i o n , a n d ' I ' , to t h e ever- c h a n g i n g n u an ces of expe r i e n ce. But w e can o p e n t h e wider wo r l d of our c o n s c i o u sness by q u est io n i n g any one of t h ese l a b e l s . I n q u est i o n i n g t h e ' I ', ego, self- i m age, o r a n y other label we asso c i ate w i t h ou rselves, we can trac k the roots of d i ssat i s fact i o n to t h e i r sou rce. If we k n ew that such q u est i o n i n g wo u l d g i ve u s t h e opport u n i ty to rid ou rselves of a l l the l i ngeri ng u n p l easantness of l i fe, we wou ld certa i n ly beg i n at once. Or w o u l d we? Si nce the n o t i o n of ' I ' is so i n t i mately i d e n t i fi ed w i t h our total b e i n g , exa m i n i n g it c l osely may m a ke u s feel

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t h reatened. Q u e st i o n i n g t h e ' I ' i s l i ke q u esti o n i n g o u r own i d e n t i ty- as i f we began t o s u s pect t h a t a l l o u r l i fe u n t i l n o w h ad been a d re a m fro m w h i c h we were a bo u t to wake n . W e m i g h t d i scover t h a t , i n establ i s h i n g t h e concept of ' I ' and a l l ow i n g t h at concept to s h a pe o u r v i ew of the wo r l d , we h ave e n tered i n to a n i l l u so ry part n e rs h i p w i t h a n e n t i t y t h at h a s n o ex i stence o f i ts ow n . Re i n forced in our concepts and l i n g u i st i c pattern s, t h e ' I ' h a s become so l i d a n d rea l , a st a b l e e n t i ty i n a c h a n g i ng worl d . A l t h o u g h o u r bod i es g row to m a t u ri ty, fl o u r i s h , a n d age, o u r n o t i o n of ' I ' u n d e rgoes very l i tt l e c h an ge d u r i n g o u r l i fe t i mes. Because we i d e n t i fy t h i s ' I ' as a so l i d , u n c h a n g i n g e n t i ty, i t carries a strong e m o t i o n a l to n e a n d a n extens ive s e t o f assoc i a t i o n s a n d ass u m pt i o n s . M o s t i m po rtan t l y , t h i s ' I ' i s a person : n o t j u s t a n y pers o n , b u t ' t h i s person- me'. Experi e n c e i s ' m y experience', and very i m po r t a n t to w h at ' I ' t h i n k I a m , or w h a t ' I ' want t o feel . By accept i n g o u r u n dersta n d i n g of ' I ' u n c r i t i c a l ly, we may be cau s i n g ou rselves u n necessary d i ffi c u l t i es and c u tt i n g o u rselves o ff from m o re l i be ra t i n g ways of b e i n g . A l t h o u g h see i n g t h e ' I ' d i rect ly, w i t h o u t i t s sed uctive gu i ses, i s a n u n sett l i n g exper i e n ce, i t can be t h e beg i n n i n g of true i n n e r freed o m . Quest i o n i n g t h e I stren g t h e n s u s to face o u rselves h o n es t l y a n d wa kes u s u p to ou r i n t r i n s i c h u m a n wort h . I s i t a risk we a re w i l l i n g to take? '

'

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Ty ra n n y of t h e I

B ecause we have confused ourselves with '1', we cannot appreciate our own real nature or intimately experience the world we live in.

'\\ f:\!7 h e n t h e n o t i o n a r i se s : " I a m having t h i s \!I v experi ence, t h i s expe rience i s m i n e; I see t h i s objec t , t h i s object rel a tes t o me," t h e ' I ' i s t a k i ng posses s i o n of our bod i es a n d our expe ri ence. I t i s reac h i n g o u t to extend i t s do m i n i on i n a l l d i rect i o n s . O n c e owners h i p i s esta b l i s h ed, t h e ' ego/ l / self' struct u re a l ters our percept i o n of o u rselves and o u r world to s u i t i t s own req u i re m e n t s fo r sec u ri ty. L i ke water bend i n g bea m s of l i g h t , it sh apes o u r concepts, v i ews, a n d att i t u d es to protect i t s e l f aga i n st exposure a n d loss. T h e ' I ' req u i res sta b i l i t y a n d sec u ri ty, a n d fi l l s u s w i t h fea r w h e n w e a re faced w i t h re m i nders of I m perm anence. In d i rect contrad i c t i o n to our own knowledge of i m pe r m a n ence, we c o n s i d e r everyt h i n g touc h i n g on t h e ' I ' - o u r t h o u g h ts, fee l i ngs, e m o t i o n s , bod ie s- as so l i d , rea l , a n d e n d u ri n g. C h a n ge and i m perman ence

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Tim e to Cha nge

become e n e m i es to be fough t , d e n i e d , o r avo i d ed . We become d iv i d ed aga i n st ou rselves, torn between o u r i n n er awareness a n d t h e eve ryd ay ' re a l i ty' w e c reate. O n ce we estab l i sh o u rselves as a s u bj ect and t a ke posses s i o n of o u r expe r i e n ce-exert i n g o u r w i l l to control i ts outcome to o u r sat i sfa c t i o n -we set o u r selves u p for s u fferi n g . We make a co n t ract w i t h ou rselves, com m i tt i n g ou rse lves t o i g n o re t h e i m p l i c a t i o n s of i m pe r m a n e n c e i n o u r l i ves. B ased o n an i l l u s i o n , t h i s c o n t ract i s i n h e ren t l y u n t e n a b l e; i t can be s u s ta i n ed only t h rough c o nt i n u a l rei n fo rcem e n t a n d reassu ra n ces, a n d protected a t t h e expense o f o u r v i t a l en ergy. The terms of t h i s con t ra c t m a n i fest as co n t ro l . T h e demands o f t h e ' I ' d r ive o u r l i ves as i f i t w e r e a n act u a l person d i ctat i n g w h a t w e w i l l perceive, w h a t w e w i l l t h i n k, how we w i l l fee l a n d react. T h e ' I ' h a s n eeds, and d e m a n d s sati sfact i o n . Lea r n ed b e h a v i o r covers t h e ' I 's s tr i d e n cy i n l ayer after l ayer of co n fo rm i ty t o t h e standard s expected b y pare n t s a n d soc i e ty, b u t i ts n eeds do not c h a n ge. I t c raves atten t i o n , ap prov a l , reass u rance, posses s i o n s , a n d power. I n fl a m i n g desi res and warp i n g o u r j u d g m e n t , i t d r ives u s re l e n t l essly to seek what i t wants. The ' I ' m u st be m ade to feel wo rt h w h i l e a n d i m port a n t . I t m u st b e d efended f ro m re m i n d e rs t h at i t i s precari o u s a n d vu l n e ra b l e. L i ke a v i n e grafted o n to o u r con s c i o u s n e ss, it exte n d s i t s ten d ri l s eve ryw here. O u r i d e n t i ty, o u r c o n f i d e n ce, o u r fee l i n gs of va l u e a n d worth are i n extrica b l y i n te rm e s h ed w i t h t h e ' I '; o u r w h o l e be i n g h a s become i d e n t i fi ed w i t h t h i s I W h e n i t i s sec u re l y i n co n t ro l , w e fee l i n c o n t ro l a n d are '

' .

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c o m forta b l e; when it i s t h reatened , we fee l e n d a n gered a n d bec o m e fearfu l . Because a l l o f o u r exp e r i e nc e i s eva l u ated and j udged by t h i s ' I ' , we fee l pain w h e n it fee ls i n sec u re, and act i n st a n t a n e o u s l y to p rotect i t . Even when we s e n se we h ave m ad e a m i stake, we fi nd i t d i ffi c u l t to a c k n ow l edge m i sta kes d i rect l y and take f u l l respon s i b i l i ty fo r o u r act i o n s. Co m pe l l ed t o c u s h i o n the ' I ' fro m pa i n , we m a k e soc i a l ly accepta b l e a po l ogies we d o n o t rea l l y m e a n , o r d efend t h e ' I ' by b l a m i ng oth ers. I f th ese effo rts a re n o t su ccessf u l , we can go i n s t a n t ly to t h e o t h e r extre m e, d e m ea n i n g ou rsel ves by tel l i n g others how wea k a n d h e l p l ess we a re. E i t her w ay, we p rotect the ' I ' from t h e n eed to c h a n ge. If we cannot p rotect t h e ' I ' s u ffi c i e n t l y, i t t u rn s aga i n st us. We fi n d our c o n f i d e n c e shattered, tormented by s e l f-d o u b t s a n d self-recri m i n at i o n s, w h i le t h e ' I ' re ga i n s i t s sen se of power at o u r expense. Fed by power a n d c o n t ro l , t h e ' I ' c a res noth i ng for our i n n e r wel l - be i n g . I t cuts u s off from our rea l fee l i ngs a n d m a kes i t i m poss i b l e for u s to see c l early what is benefi c i a l fo r growt h . We can not l i s t e n to w i se advice w i t h o u t beco m i n g defe n s i ve o r offended; we c a n n ot accept k n o w l edge that q u es t i o n s the ' I 's c o n t r o l . T h e ' I ' w i l l even say, " I h ave n o ego . " J u d g i n g o n l y b y i t s o w n n eeds fo r protection and c o n t ro l , the ' I ' can overr i d e deeper sens i b i l i t i es and concern fo r the w e l f a re of others. U n re s t ra i ned by awareness of t h e n a t u ra l d i g n i ty a n d v a l u e of oth ers, the ' I ' t e n d s to d o m i n a t e an ever- w i d e n i n g terri tory. W h e n the ' I ' s d e m a n d s a re given free re i n , we can u n w i t t i n g l y bec o m e as selfi sh and d e m a n d i n g as a c h i l d , forc i n g o t h e rs to m ee t o u r des i res.

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O u r most va l u a b l e h u m a n capaci ty, t h e a b i l i ty to love and respo n d , i s d i sto rted by t h e ' I ', w h i c h rec ognizes o n ly its own n eed s a n d pro v i d es us w i t h a set of fa l se ideas: T h ro u g h t h e vei l of self-centered concerns, we eq u ate d o m i n a t i o n , depend e n cy, a n d con trol with rea l cari n g a n d respo n s i b i l i ty, a n d b l i n d o u rse lves to the co n fl icts w e are c reati n g i n t h e l i ves of those we love. Beca u se we a re not f ree of t h e ' I ' s i n fl u e n ce, a l l of our relat i o n sh i ps, even o u r c l osest f r i e n d s h i ps, i nvolve u n spoken ' pacts' to re i n fo rce each o t h e r' s s e l f- i m age. I f t h i s pact i s bro k e n for a n y reaso n , the other w i l l fee l sl i g h ted o r t h reatened. We m ay a l l ow o t h e rs to express n egat ive v i ews a n d o p i n i o n s of u s in t h e l i g h t of appare n t l y ho n est eva l u at i o n s of o u r act i o n s; but if they pe n et rate too deeply i n to o u r s e l f- i m age, the ' I ' sen ses a n attack o n i t s preserve a n d has to protect i tself or ret a l iate i n some way. In pass i o n ately c h a rged i n terdepen d e n t re l at i o n s h i ps, w e m ay sen se t h e ' I 's i n sec u ri ty as fear of rej ec t i o n o r a b a n d o n m e n t , and m ay express t h i s fear i n rese n t me n t , j e a l o u sy, or a ng ry atte m p t s to reesta b l i s h contro l of the o t h er's a t t i t u d e or activi t i es. Real pa n i c may h i d e beh i n d d e m a n d s for atte n t i o n and profuse exp res s i o n s of cari n g . I n security a n d fears can spark cyc l es of rage, verba l or phys i c a l v i o l e n ce, fear of l oss, profo u nd regrets, and reco n c i l i a t i o n s, u n t i l o n e part ner o r t h e o t h e r bec o m es exh a u sted. A l though not a l ways reac h i n g s u c h extremes, love i n tertw i n ed w i t h t h e needs of t h e ' I ' c a n n o t be restfu l and ope n l y apprec i at i ve; the ' I ' p l a n t s the seed s for rese n t m e n t and host i l i ty eve n between respo n s i b l e a n d cari n g peo p l e . A l t h o u g h w e a l l d e s i re t o love a n d

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be l oved, a re l at i on s h i p w i t h an i nd e pendent being w h o c a n n o t be s o m e h ow contro l l ed i s i n to l erab l e to t h e ' I '. The ' I 's d e m a n d fo r d o m i n a t i o n co n d i t i o n s u s to a n a tt i t u d e of own ersh i p . The ' I ' u rges us to p u rchase, co n t ro l , p rotect, and u se objects for o u r p l easure. M u c h as t h e ' I ' takes possess i o n of our bod i es, t h o u g h ts, feel i n gs, and e m ot i o n s, i t extends do m i n ion to our posse s s i o n s; it l ead s u s to t h i n k o f what we ow n a s an exte n s i o n of o u rselves. Possess i o n s t h at a re perso n a l expres s i o n s of o u r i d e n t i ty, s u c h as c a r s a n d h o u ses, become the foc u s of i n te n se e m ot i o n s- rage at t h e i r t h eft o r loss h a s d riven h u m a n b e i n g s to vio l e n t act i o n s . T h e i r agi ng a n d deteriorat i o n rem i n d us u nc o m fo rtably of o u r own m o rta l i ty, a n d we m ay seek re newa l in t h e i r rep l ace m e n t a n d remod e l i n g . I n te n se l y attached to possess i o n s a n d s u ffering constant a n x i ety fro m fear of l o s i n g t h e m , we m ay put o u rselves in debt to acc u m u late m ore, a n d sti l l not be at peace. T h e ' I ' i s watc h f u l , l oo k i n g everywhere, env i o u s of th ose w h o h ave what we l a c k, tort u ri n g u s w i t h wan t i n g a n d frust rat i o n . E v e n i n t h e face o f deat h , t h e ' I ' wi l l not re l ax i t s c o n t ro l : We make w i l l s that d i sperse possessi o n s accord i n g to its desi res; we p l a n a n d p u rch ase fu n e ral arrange m en t s, m a u so l e u m s, b u r i a l p l ots, a n d t h e e n g rav i n g for headstones at its command. Exten d i ng i t s d o m i n i o n t o a l l fo r m s of l i fe, t h e ' I ' leads u s t o t h i n k t hat t h e b e i n g s w h o s h are t h i s pla net w i t h u s a re s u b j ect to o u r u se a n d c o n t ro l . At ti mes i n h u m an h i story, it has been poss i b l e to own people

Tim e to Change

323

as serfs or s l aves w i t h no concern for t h e i r s u fferi n g; women h ave been bought a n d sold as w i ves o r serva nts, t h e i r l iv i n g co n d i t i o n s , l i ves, a n d d e a t h s com p l etely contro l l ed b y oth ers. Today, a n i m a l s a re thoughtlessly exp l o i ted for h u m a n u se , as c o m p a n i o n s, b reed i n g stock, c l ot h i n g, food, a n d su bjects for med i c a l experi m en ta t i o n . For c e n t u ries, many peo p l e wou l d n o t acknowledge t h a t a n i m a l s, o r even some groups of h u m a n bei ngs, actua l ly su ffered p a i n . B y v i rtue o f o u r i n tell igence a n d a b i l i ty t o d o m i n a te t h e p l a n et, we h ave come to v i ew t h e earth i t s e l f as ex i s t i n g for our benefit, s u bject o n ly to t h e c o n fl i c t i ng c l a i m s of o u r own k i n d . Do we co n s i d er, as we u se the l a n d we depend u po n fo r food a n d h o m es, t h a t w e may h ave a m o r a l respon s i b i l i ty to p reserve i t s v a l u e f o r f u t u re genera t i o n s ? F o r o t h e r b e i n g s ? W h e n t h e ' I ' w a n t s a n d c a n n ot h ave w h at i t wants d i rect ly, i t may be c h a rm i n g a n d sed u c t i ve; fru s t rated , i t may become rese n t f u l o r stri k e o u t i n a nger; fai l i n g to gain i t s ends, i t m ay exp l od e t h rough t h e facade of contro l . If h u m i l i ated, the ' I ' reta l i ates i n sta n t l y to cover up its v u l n e rabi l i ty, exc u s i n g i ts e l f for fa i l u re, provi d i n g j u st i fi c a t i o n s fo r i t s rage, a n d b l a m i n g t h i n gs outside i t s control for i t s frustrat i o n . U n less w e h ave s t u d i ed i t s ways a n d h ave i n s i g h t i n to how i t works, w h e n t h e ' I ' i s t h reat ened, we cannot avo i d fee l i n g emot i o n a l l y u pset. I f t h e b low to t h e ' I ' i s su bsta n t i a l , we m ay h ave to en d u re h o u rs , even d ays, of i n tern a l d i a logues as i t conv i n ces i t s e l f that i t i s b a c k i n c o n t ro l . Stra n gely e n o u g h , a l t h o u g h w e seek sat i sfact i o n , happi ness a n d plea s u re l ast o n ly a s h o rt t i m e, w h e reas

324


self-dou bts, e m ot i o n a l p a i n , a n d anger may re m a i n w i t h u s for d ays o r even week s . S o m e t i m es w e rel ive pa i n fu l s i t u a t i o n s aga i n a n d aga i n , feed i n g resen tment, h a t red, o r j ea l o u sy, i g n o r i n g whatever enjoyment t h e p resent m o m e n t cou l d offer u s . S u c h fee l i n gs may take up a s u bsta n t i a l part of o u r l i ves, co l o r i n g o u r act ions in t h e present a n d p l a n t i n g t h e seed s of d i ffi c u l t i es i n t h e f u t u re. W h y s h o u l d one k i n d o f experience be so t ra n s i to ry a n d t h e o t h e r so pervasive, part i c u l a r l y when we prefer t h e fee l i n g t o n e of p l eas u re to the fee l i n g tone of d i ssati sfac t i o n ? Why a re t h e e m o t i o n a l states we wish m o st t o avo i d the o n es most eas i ly prolo nged ? Why c a n ' t we l e t go o f f r u s t ra t i o n and pai n ? W e wou l d not w i l l i n g l y l i ve w i t h another person w h o t o r m e n ted us in t h i s way. Perhaps we need to ask o u rselves what i s c a u s i n g t h i s pa i n , a n d whether i t n eed be e n d u red. A re we h arbori n g an u n necessary a n d u nd es i ra b l e v i s i t o r ?

"\\ I:\fl hat d o we ga i n f ro m o u r c o n t ract w i t h t h e

\J\J ' I '? T h e costs a re u n d e n i a b l e : We take on i ts i n se c u r i t i e s as o u r own a n d d r a i n o u r v i t a l en erg i es t o m a i n t a i n i t s s e n se o f c o n trol a n d wel l - be i n g. Afra i d of t h e perva s i ve pa i n t h at a t h reatened ' I ' can i n fl i c t , we a l l ow i t to m a n i p u l ate and w a r p o u r t r u e feel i n gs and a l t ru i st i c m o t ivat i o n s . To avo i d i n ternal d i stress, we prov i d e rat i o n a l i z a t i o ns, reassu ra n ces of sta b i l ity a n d sel f-wor t h . O r else we hesi tate to t a ke risks that a re necessa ry fo r s e l f-growt h , a n d set t l e fo r far less t h a n we are capa b l e of ach i evi ng. We conceal o u r fa i l u re o r errors even fro m o u rse lves, a l t h o u g h th ey may m a n i fest as d o u b t or g u i l t . We repress e m o t i o n s

Tim e to Cha nge

325

u n accepta b l e to o u r sel f- i m age, h i d i n g t h e m u n d e r a veneer of cal m . Com m i tted to t h e ' I ' , we beco m e strangers t o o u rselves. What i s our rewa rd for such d i l i g e n t serv i c e ? We are forced i n to a defens ive sta nce : Everyt h i n g t h at happens i s a poss i b l e t h reat to o u r fee l i n g s of s e l f wort h . Whet h e r we m ask t h i s defe n s i veness w i t h a patro n i z i n g at t i t ud e, w i t h s e l f - r i g h t eo u s n ess, o r w i t h passivi ty, w e ' p ro tect' o u r ' I ', c u sh i o n i n g i t fro m d i rect con tact w i t h expe r i e nce. Erected l i ke s h i e l d s between o u rselves a n d o t h e rs, our p rotective barr i e rs bec o m e a u t o m a t i c . T h ey be come the ' I 's bodygu ards. We a re co m m i tted to t h i s defensiveness early i n l i fe, a n d often v i ew o u r p rotec tive barriers as i n tegral aspects of o u r perso n a l i ty . After yea rs of s u sta i n i n g t h e m , i t is d iffi c u l t to c o n ceive of o ther ways o f be i n g and act i n g , no matte r h ow m uc h d i ffi cu l ty t h ey c a u se u s . B u t i n e rec t i n g t h ese barriers aro u n d t h e ' I ' , we s u b t l y set o u rselves apart f ro m th ose aro u n d u s . Protected b y i t s ret i n u e, t h e ' I ' c a n deceive u s , so met i m es s u b t l y , so m et i m es t o an ext reme deg ree, i n to ac t i n g aga i n s t the i n te rests of o t h ers, even t h ose we deep ly l ove. It c a u ses us to act aga i n s t o u r e n v i ro n m en t , and to a c t aga i n st o u r own best i n ter ests. Even t u a l ly we may fi n d o u rse lves i so l ated a n d l o nely, eve n i n t h e m i d st of fam i l y o r f r i e n d s , fee l i n g h u ngry for m o re m ea n i ngfu l re l a t i o n s h i ps, b u t u n a b l e to give o r receive true l ove a n d a ffect i o n . Because w e have confu sed o u rselves w i t h ' I ' , we cannot a p p reciate o u r own rea l n a t u re or i n t i m a tely experi ence t h e world we l ive i n . A l t h o u g h we yearn

326


for m ea n i n g a n d va l u e i n o u r l ives, we do not know w here to find t h e m . I n stead of i n terac t i n g w i t h ex perie n c e d i rectly, we perce ive a l l that h a ppens j u st a s a n a u d i ence watch e s a d ra m a p l ayed for its ben e fit. We have beco m e h a b i t u ated to t h e ro l e of v i ewer, d etac hed fro m t h e w h o l e . A l l we k n ow i s grou n d ed i n i l l u s i o n s esta b l i s hed by ' I ', made ever m o re so l i d, bel i evab le, a n d real by repet i t i o n and accu m u l a t i o n . J u d g i n g , c o n t ro l l i n g, and m a n i pu lat i n g fo r i t s own benefit, t h e ' I ' b l i n d s us to the c reat ive u n fo l d i n g of o u r experi e n c e . F i rm ly esta b l i shed i n the contro l boot h , t h e ' I ' m akes s u re t h at w e watch t h e i m age and keeps u s f ro m the real i ty. T h e u l t i m a te fa l s i fi er, the su preme t e l l e r of fa i ry t a l es a n d l i es, the ' I ' perpetu ates i tse l f by separat i n g h u m a n b e i n g fro m l i fe.

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C H A PT E R 32 : M A N E U V E R S O F M I N D

The world as a c reat i o n o f m i n d

331

Attem p t s at escap e : no way o u t

332

The c o n t i n u i n g d ra m a o f m i n d

332

M i nd as reporter a n d c o m m e n t at o r

334

Wan t i n g and frus t r a t i o n

335

B e i n g fa i t h f u l to d i sappo i n t m e n t A fra n k ad m i ssi o n : e n o u g h is e n o u g h

336 337

See i n g t h ro u g h t h o u g h t s a n d i m ages

337

Self-observat i o n and awareness

338

C H A PT E R 3 3 : D I R E CT I O N A L I TY O F C O N S C I O U S N E S S

Sen ses as w i n dows o n t h e world

340

Seed of p o l a r i ty : self a n d world

341

Ch a n n e l s of perce p t u a l pattern i n g

34 1

Tech nological evo l u t i o n Co m p u te rs a n d t h e f u t u re

342

Ra t i o n a l m i n d : capt a i n of c o n s c i o u s ness?

345

Dyna m ic of t h o u g h t a n d percep t i o n

345

Trust i n g t h e rat i o n a l m i n d

34 7

Tendencies to se lf-decept i o n

348

F u s i n g aware ness to i l l u s i o n

349

N a t u ral respo n s iven ess of m i n d

350

E ne rvat i o n of c o n sc i o u s n ess

351

343

C H A PT E R 3 4 : U N B O U N D E D M I N D

D i m i n i sh i n g a l t ernat ives

353

M i n d m i rro r i n g the w o r l d

354

U rgency of k n ow i n g t h e m i n d

355

Sen si n g as w i n d ow t o c o n sc i o u s n ess

355

C h a l l enge of m i n d

356

E n t ropy a n d h u m a n co nsc i o u s n ess

356

Revi ta l i za t i o n of c o n sc i o u sness

357

C H A PT E R 35 : K N OW L E D G E O F F R E E D OM

World o f u n k n ow i n g

358

U n cert a i n ty i n a c h a n g i n g world

360

Con text of l i fe : pervasive u ncert a i n ty

360

Seek i n g stab i l i ty; repet i t i o n

360

N a m i n g t h e ' re a l '

361

Existence: " I a m " Cone of k n o w l edge

362 363

D e n i a l of u n k n o w i n g

363

I m p r i soned i n o u r patte rn s

364

U rgency of awaken i n g

364

Determ i n a t i o n to be free

365

Bea u ty of k n o w l edge

365

O pe n i n g the cone of k n ow l edge

366

N at u ra l free d o m o f m i n d

367

T i me, space, a n d k n ow l edge

368

32

M a n e u vers of M i n d

Looking a t the human predicamenc we ma y not know whether to laugh or cry.

1;0 s far bac k as we can trace t h e d yn a m i c of o u r !r0, perce p t u a l p rocesses, o u r m e n t a l e n ergy has been attracted to o bjects- n o t on Iy the p h ys i c a l objects d i scerned by the sen ses, b u t a l so t h e t h o u g h t s, concepts, a ssoc i a t i o n s, and m e m ories that form o u r knowledge of ou rse lves a n d o u r s u rro u n d i n gs. I n a sense, we can t h i n k a b o u t t h e world we l i ve i n as t h e c reat i o n of o u r own m i n d s . Ca u g h t u p i n t h e dyn a m ic o f percept i o n a n d yet u n a b l e to see how i t works, we n a t u ra l l y e m b race t h e vers i o n of rea l i ty c reated b y o u r t h o u g h t s a n d co n cepts as be i n g u n q uest i o n a b l y rea l . We l earn to l i n k o u r ho pes for fu l fi l l m e n t to i l l u s o ry i m ages a n d i d e a l s , a n d look for sati sfac t i o n o u ts i d e o u rselves. As c o n f u s i o n l eads to co n f u s i o n , we a re n ever a b l e to sati sfy t h e wanti n g t h at l i es at t h e h ea rt of o u r c reat i o n . W e c o m m i t ou rselves to repeat i n g t h e s a m e patterns over a n d over aga i n : We seek, we a re eve n t u a l l y d i sappo i n ted , and so we seek aga i n .

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I t seems t h ere w o u l d be great va l u e i n t h i n k i ng a b o u t o u r l ives i n a n ew way. B u t w h a t i s h a p pen i ng i n o u r m i n d s as we read a n d refl ect o n t h e i d eas written here? W h a t i s goi n g o n even as o u r eyes p i c k u p st i m u l i fro m t h e page, a n d o u r m i nd s sort a n d i n tegrate t h ese i m pu l ses i n t o concepts a n d word s ? Are we step p i n g o u t f r o m o u r acc u st o med way o f k n ow i n g, o r are id eas o n l y po i n t i n g to i d eas, b u i l d i n g new va ri a t i o n s of old patte r n s ? As we read , a re we p i c k i n g and choosing w h a t fits with w h a t we a l ready u n derst a n d ? I t i s t e m p t i n g to t h i n k t h a t somehow w e c a n escape from t h e m o m e n t u m of o u r t h o u g h ts, b u t i sn ' t that j u st a n o t h e r t h o u g h t? A n d wh ere does i t lead us? Wh atever we say t o ou rselves, a ren't we s i m p l y re peati n g t h e same patte r n s ? H o w can we eve r escape from t h e d o m a i n of t h e ' I ' ? W h o wou l d be esca p i ng? Even i f we w i s h t o free o u rselves from t h e frozen c o n cepts o f the past, i s n 't t h i s t h o u g h t or des i re dependent o n word s a n d concepts? Even t h e fi nest t h o u g h t s we h ave- t h o u g h t s o f awakened m i nd , of awareness, o f e n l i g h t e n m e n t - a re n a m es and con cepts i n t e rp reted and j u dged by the m i n d . N o t k n ow i n g who we a re , u n a b l e to see wh ere we are goi n g, we seem to l i ve at t h e m e rcy of o u r c reat i o n . H ow c a n we k n ow w h at we want- how can we t ru st t h at what we a re l o o k i n g for even exists? A l t h o u g h our way of be i n g see m s n o t to be o u rs by c h o i ce, who i s par t i c i pa t i n g i n th ese patterns, i f not o u rselves? Th ere is no one else to b l a m e-we are the su ppo rters a n d re i n fo rcers of o u r ' real i t y', o u r i n heri ted c reat i on . We ru n t h e sh ow; we are pro d u cer, spon sor, m a nager, p l ayer, a u d i e nce. T h i s is o u r d ra m a, o u r tragedy. We m ay s m i l e o r l a u g h from t i m e t o ti me, b u t

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o u r comed i e s are brief i n te r l u d es i n t h e l a rger d ra m a of o u r l ives. W e have p rogra m med o u rselves for t rag edy: We p l ay a l l the parts and weep a t the e n d . We no l o n ger k n ow the p l ay i s a p l ay, for we h ave be come part o f o u r crea t i o n . Tricked b y t h e move m e n t of o u r o w n m i n d s, how many t i m es h ave we spun vari a t i o n s o n the sa m e d rama, t h i n k i n g w e a re beg i n n i n g a n o t h e r n ew j o u r n ey or adve n t u re ? B u t how m a n y t i m es have we s i m ply repeated the same o l d pattern s, with m u c h t h e same con c l u s i o n s ? H ow can t h ere be a n y a l t e r n a t ives, w h e n every t h o u g h t a n d i d ea leads o n to the next u n t i l we no lo nger k n ow where o r how we beg a n ? If we t ry t o break o u t o f a we l l -esta b l i s h ed pattern , w h a t i n tern a l d i alogues d o we hear? "You can't get o u t- th ere's no way o u t . T h ere's noth i n g you can d o . " " I t' s so d a m n d i sc o u rag i n g- I n ever get w h a t I wan t . I 'm so d epressed . T h e re m us t be a n o t h e r way." " N o way. T h ere's n o way. It's a l l set up t h i s way. N o t h i n g wi l l c h a n ge i t . Y o u h ave to keep on go i n g l i ke t h i s-you h ave n o c h o i c e . " " C an i t rea l l y be t r u e ? " " O h yes- it's always b e e n t h i s way." "Then t h ere i s n ot h i n g I can do. I h ave to stay t h e way I a m bec a u se t h e re i s no o t h e r c h o i c e . Yes, t h i s i s a l i i k n ow; t h i s i s a l i i can d o . Espec i a l l y after twenty yea rs- why t h i n k o f c h a n g i n g n ow ? " " O h yes, keep i t u p . I stro n g l y reco m m e n d i t. "

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H o l d i ng t ig h t ly to d i sco u rage m e n t , confu s i o n , and d i sa p po i n t m en t , we rem a i n l oyal to our part in t h e p l ay, a n i n nocent v i c t i m s e n t e nced to frustra t i o n and d i ssati sfac t i o n . H ow obed i e n t we a re! Each day we t u rn up for work, ready for the n ext e p i sode. No matter what c o m es our way, we play our part : Our e n t rance cue is " I want;" o u r exit l i n e i s an ex pres s i o n of frus t rat i o n and pa i n . O b l igated to o u r own act i o n , we keep go i n g o n - after a l l , hav i n g put t h i s m u ch i n to i t , cou l d we j u st wal k away? Every day we w i t ness t h e s h a red c o n f u s i o n of h u m a n k i n d . A l l day l o n g, we 'watc h ' d ramas l i ke o u r o w n , as o u r fa m i l i es, co-workers, f r i e n d s , a n d n e i g h b o r s p l ay o u t t h e co n t i n u i n g story of t h e i r l ives. Co m m u n icat i o n networks h ave s p read across our g l o be l i ke a vast array o f nerve cel l s, c o n n e c t i n g m i l l io n s o f people t ogeth er. We w a t c h each o t her, we t e l l e a c h o t h e r o u r d ra m as, we ask f o r m ore: "What's n e w ? " The old news has l e ft us c o n fu sed, u ncer tai n . W h a t w i l l h appen today? So m et i m es the news - s t o ry co n t i n ues in e p i sodes, n i g h t aft e r n i g h t . Each eve n i n g we h ear the u pdated vers i o n , t h e lat est c o m m e n t s, t h e most rece nt expert o p i n i o n o n ' w h a t i t a l l means' o r even what actu a l l y ha p pened . Co m m e n ta r i e s t h e m se lves become news. We perpet u ate t h i s s e l f-operat i n g i l l u s i o n - m ach i n e by t u n i n g i n , by be l i evi n g i t , by act i n g u po n i t , by being c o n f u sed by i t . Reports p resented to u s i n words bac ked by i m ages beco m e i n s tant u n assai l a b l e ' facts'. I saw it on TV ."

II

Every wa k i n g m o m e n t , our i n ner ' n ews p rogra m ' ru n s o n a n d o n . We n ever t i re o f l i s ten i n g t o o u r i n te rn a l n ewscaster report i n g a n d m a k i n g com m e n -

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taries on the d ra m a of o u r l i ves. S t rangely, n a i vely, o n ce we have hea rd a ' report', we be l i eve o u r own word s. When we stand back a l i tt l e and i m ag i n e t h e h u ge drama o f wan t i n g and frustra t i o n go i n g on a l l over t h e p l anet, i s n ' t i t a m az i n g ? I m ag i n e a l l t h e peo p l e i n a l l t h e c u l tu res a n d c l i m a tes o f t h e w o r l d , each person with i n d iv i d u a l h a b i t patterns, backgro u n d s , a n d moods, co m p l et e l y foc u s i n g t h e i r l i fe e n e rgy o n t h e f u l fi l l m e n t o f t h e i r wants. W i l l t h ey fi n d w h a t t hey seek? W i l l t h ey be sati sfi ed ? H e re i s so meo n e w h o w a n ts mo n ey; t h e re i s o n e w h o wants power; over t h e re i s o n e who w i s h e s o n l y fo r l ove. There are cou n t l ess vari a t i o n s i n t h e pattern , b u t each o n e p l ays h i s part total ly, d ed ic a t i n g h i s whole l i fe to t h e fu l fi l l m e n t of wants a n d d es i res. Wherever we look, t h ro u g h o u t the wo r l d , a re n 't we a l l part i c i pat i n g in the same sort of d ra m a ? Loo k i n g at o u r h u m an pred i c a m e n t , we m ay not k n ow w h e t h e r t o laugh o r c ry. Envi s i o n i n g t h e rest of o u r l i ves, what d o we see? How long w i l l we ca rry o n w i t h o u r searc h i n g a n d wa n t i ng? H ow m u ch t i m e w i l l w e spend d i ssat i s fi ed and rest less? H ow m a n y h o u rs wi l l we have o f fear, worry, anx i ety, a n d l o n e l i ness? H ow many h o u rs of happi ness? H av i n g m ade o u rsel ves i n to seekers w h o can never rea l i ze o u r d reams, we seem to h ave sea l ed ou rselves i n to our c reat i o n w i t h w h i spered m essages o n l y we can hear: "I h ave to h ave . . . ", " I ' l l n ever be h a p py because . . . ", "Wou l d n 't i t be w o n d e rf u l i f . . . ", " I f o n ly I had . . . , " I c a n ' t d o a n yt h i n g a b o u t i t . I t 's hopeless. I can never d o anyt h i n g e l se . " Both fool a n d "

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foo l er, d u per a n d d u ped , we w h i sper sec ret ly to o u rselves: "Th i s i s n 't w h a t I w a n t , b u t some how, s o m ew h e re, it m u st exist. I h ave to fi nd i t ! " As i m ages d a n c e i n to o u r m i n d s, i n vi t i n g us to fol low, we em b race them l i ke a l over a n d go w h e re t h ey l ead, u n t i l w e a re l eft e m pt y - h a n d ed o n c e aga i n . F a i t h f u l ly, w e l i st e n t o t h e cat a l o g u e o f d i sappo i n t m e n t s . We accept t h e s u fferi n g , t a k e i t a s o u r own . I s n ' t t h i s o u r d u ty- i s n ' t t h i s w h at i t m ea n s to be respo n s i b l e? But do we n eed to hold so t i g h t l y to our d rama of d i ssati sfact i o n ? W h y b r i n g home to our hea rts the s u bt l e d i sa p po i n t m e n t s , the d o u bts that p l ag u e us? W h y p u t o u r prec i o u s e n e rgy at the d i sposal of t h e ' I ', protec t i n g i ts so p h i s t i cated struct u re of l i es? Do we n eed to i n vest o u r l ives i n sh apes a n d fo r m s t h a t have no l a s t i n g m ea n i n g , b u i l d i n g m o re a n d m o re e l aborate sandcas t l es by the sea? M u st we c o n t i n u e to be so gu l l i b l e ? Even if t h i n k i n g in t h i s n ew way t u rn s o u t to be a n o t h e r sort of game, i s n 't t h e o n ly h o n est view a fra n k ad m i ss i o n t h at we wou l d rat h e r be free from f r u s t ra t i o n and pa i n ? Perhaps w e c a n d raw t h e l i n e . Perhaps t h e t i m e has co m e to l eave the stage and get o n wi th o u r l i ves: " E n o u g h i s e n o u g h ! For a l o n g t i m e I have taken part in t h i s d ra m a , not even k n ow i n g I was su ffe r i n g . Co n v i n ced t h a t t h i s w a s my d u ty, I have accepted what was b ro u g h t to m e by my sen ses, my most i n t i m ate fri e n d s and n e i g h bo rs. I t h o u g h t my j o b was to hold o n stu bborn ly; I have been b l i n d l y fai t h fu l , tot a l l y co m m i t ted . I was t r i c ked , a n d I have g i ven away my l i fe . I have noth i n g l eft I can cal l my ow n . N o t even

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my words b e l o n g to me. I h ave u tterly l ost my freed o m . N o more for m e , t h a n k yo u ! T h a t's e n o u g h ! " When we see how deceived we h ave bee n , h ow m u c h of o u r l i fe h a s been wasted , we m ay fa l l i n to deep hopelessn ess and even t h i nk o f ' l eav i n g the stage' by t a k i n g our l ives. But i s n ' t t h i s j u st a n o t h e r tri c k of t h e ' I ' to preve n t u s from m a k i n g o u r l ives wort hwh i l e ? I f w e can see t h e pattern s t h a t h o l d u s h o st age, it may occ u r to us t h a t i n the very act of see i n g , we have touc hed a deep sou rce of k n o w i n g . W h at is t h i s new see i n g a n d new k n ow i n g ? W h e re does i t c o m e fro m ? I s i t d i ffere n t fro m t h i n k i n g ? I s i t j u st a n o t h e r t r i c k of t h e ' I ' ? 0: eei n g c l ea r l y o u r h u m a n p red i c a m e n t , we m a y d i s i0 cove r a deep certa i n ty t h at we do not know w h at to do. I f we can rest w i t h i n t h e ' n ot - k n ow i n g', w i t h o u t j u dgments or eva l u at i o n s , w e m ay be a b l e to p l ay a l i tt l e w i t h o u r s i t u a t i o n . H o w d o we k n ow we d o n 't k n ow? What k n o w l edge d o we d raw u p o n to te l l ou rselves, fro m t h e bottom o f o u r hearts, that we do n o t know? Do we k n ow m o re t h a n we k n ow ? Observ i n g t h e act i v i ty of o u r m i n d s i n a q u i et, rel axed way, we fi n d t h at t h o u g h ts soon sweep u s up i n t h e o l d d ra m a . It a l l h ap p e n s so q u i c k l y we c a n n o t seem t o t rack t h e move m e n t s i n o u r m i n d s . F o r o n e t h o u s a n d t h of a second we m ay g l i m pse a pau se, b u t i t is h a rd to experience t h e t ra n s i t i o n f r o m o n e story to anot her. We seem to j u m p l i ke a grassh opper from t h e m i d d l e of o n e set of i m ages to a n o th er, a n d once our energy i s b o n d ed to t h e contents of t h e i m ages, i t i s d i ffi c u l t to see anyth i n g e l se.

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B u t perhaps we c a n be stro n g l y i nvolved i n o u r i m ages a n d at t h e sa m e t i m e step back a l i tt le, watc h i n g i n a l oose way. Even w h e n t h e c h a racters, i m ages, and l a n g u age a l l m i x toget h e r and beco m e so real we can n ot h e l p b u t take t h e m seri o u s l y , we m ay st i l l be a b l e to watc h a n d observe. As t h e i m ages s h i ft and c h an ge, t h ey m ay seem to be i l l u m i nated - w h at is t h i s ' l i g h t ' t h a t a l l ows u s to see o u r d ream s a n d m e m o r i es? O r p e r h a ps the i m ages t h e m s e l ves are somehow i m p r i n ted o n a t ra n sparent f i e l d o f l i g h t e n ergy. T h o u g h t s and i m ages see m to sh oot i n to o u r awareness from nowh ere, a l ready l i n ked toget her i n to a co m p l et e sce n a r i o . B u t t h i s m ay be m i s l ead i n g. I f we c o u l d see t h e s m a l l e r u n i t s that m a k e up o u r stories, wou l d we take the d ra m a i t s e l f so seri o u s l y ? I f a l l o f o u r d ra m as are h a p pe n i n g w i t h i n t h e m i nd , we m ay want to a s k : T h e n w h o i s c reat i n g t h e s u fferi ng and who is receivi n g i t ? It see m s that the ' I ' is part of t h e story, not i ts c reator. If there i s no one crea t i ng o r recei v i n g s u fferi n g , t h e n w h e re i s t h e s u bstance of t h e m i n d 's a c t i v i t y ? W h a t is t h e n a t u re of o u r h u man mind? T h e re seems t o b e m u c h t o learn about the act ive l i g h t en e rgy o f o u r m i nd s . By observ i n g o u r experience, we beg i n to see t h ro u g h the i n terloc k i n g thou ghts and i m ages that make up o u r fam i l i ar worl d . We open a w h o l l y n ew perspect ive. Sel f-o bse rvat i o n strengthens awareness, w h i c h s u p po rts t he g rowth o f i n s i g h t and h e i g h t e n s t h e c l a r i ty of observa t i o n . The pos i t i ve feed bac k from t h i s process i s rewa rd i n g i n i t s e l f and enco u rages o u r co n t i n u ed efforts. A s awa re ness g rows, our t h o u g h t patte r n s can be c o m e o u r partn e rs and o u r f r i e n d s . When we expe-

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rie nce pa i n or d i scomfort , we can co n s u l t w i t h o u r own i n t e l l igence t o fi n d a way t o release o u rse lve s f r o m t h e pa i n . I f w e fi nd o u rselves h o l d i n g o n st u b born ly t o fru stra t i o n o r d i ssati sfac t i o n , we c a n q u es tion o u rselves m o re c l osely. W h e re can the h o l d i n g o n itself take p l ace, i f not i n o u r own t h o u gh t s ?

33

D i rect i o n a l i ty of Co n sc i o u s n e ss

L ed b y thoughts and images away from our vi tal cen ter, we have no place of res t,

we

have no real home.

rry u r

eyes a re w i n d ows to a spac i o u s v i ew o f � l a n d a n d sky, fi l l ed w i t h c o l ors a n d patterns; o u r ears d etect t h e so n gs of b i rd s , s u b t l e r u s t l i n gs of move m e n t , t h e t o n e s o f t h e h u m a n vo ice. We smel l t h e va r i ed fragrances i n o u r world a n d j o i n t h e s e n s i t ivity o f n ose a n d t o n g u e to savo r tastes. W e are res p o n s ive t o to u c h a n d textu re, c a p a b l e of experienc i n g a w i d e ra nge of sen sat i o n s . O u r sen ses vi b rate, o u r m i n d s receive i m p u l ses a n d sort and t r a n s l ate t h e m i n t o i m press i o n s a n d i m ages. Patterns of l i g h t and s h adow a re i n terpreted as the e n d of o n e fo rm and t h e beg i n n i n g of a n o t h er, a n d so u n d s , odors, tas tes, and tex t u res a re t h e n i n tegrated w i t h each fo r m . T h ro u g h a l l o f o u r sen ses, t h e cogn i t ive as pec t o f o u r c o n sc i o u sness co n t i n u a l l y i n teracts w i t h o u r su rrou n d i n gs, s h ap i n g t h o u g h t s i n to c o m p l ex m e n t a l patte rn i n gs t h at we express in o u r speech a n d l a n g u age. A t some po i n t in t h e past, h u m a n bei ngs began to recog n i ze co n t rasts of l i g h t and s h adow as d i screte

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forms t h a t c o u l d be n a m e d . Con t ra s t i n g, i d e n t i fy i n g , and n a m i n g fo r m s, t h ey c reated a w o r l d o f i n t e rd ep e n d e n t polari t i es : b i g a n d s m a l l , h a rd a n d soft , m a l e a n d fem a l e . A l t h o u g h a l l s u c h d i s t i n c t i o n s, as wel l as t h e labels a p p l i ed t o t h e m , were a c re a t i o n o f t h e h u m a n m i n d a n d var i ed i n c h a racter fro m c u l t u re to c u I t u re, they eve n t u a l l y took o n greater s u bstance, and c a m e to b e v i ewed as act u a l ly so l i d a n d rea l . F ro m t h i s s i n g l e seed , rooted i n t h e perc e p t u a l process, h u m an bei n g s c reated t h e se l f a n d i ts worl d . T h ey beca m e t h e perceive rs w h o expe r i e n ced t h e i r s u rro u nd i n gs as a n o b j ec t ive rea l m . Loo k i n g w i t h i n , t h ey cou l d refl ect u po n c o n t rasts pe rce i ved i n t h e i r own i n n er states, a n d g i ve n a m es t o fee l i ngs a n d emo t i o n s . Th u s t h ey were a b l e to d i s t i n g u i s h between l i kes and d i s l i kes, p l ea s u re and p a i n ; t h ey cou ld rem em ber a n d refl ect u po n t h e i r s e n sa t i o n s. U s i n g n a m es, h u m a n b e i n g s c o u l d eva l u a t e t h e i r expe r i e n c e and express preferences a n d o p i n i o n s. G rad u a l ly n a m es took o n m o re m ea n i n g t h ro u g h assoc i at i o n s w i t h o t h e r n a m es; c o n cepts beca m e m o re co m p l ex. Even t u a l ly, t h e bas i s was estab l i sh ed for more soph i s t i ca t ed a b s t ract t h i n k i n g . F ro m t h i s l o n g c h a i n of d eve l o p m e n t, m o l d ed by l a n g u age, c u l t u re, and env i ro n m en t, our presen t m e n t a l patterns h ave evo lved over m any t h o u s a n d s of years. Th ro u g h o u t h u ma n h i st o ry, t h e o b j ec t -o r i e n ted part of ou r consc i o u s n ess h a s rece i ved co n t i n u a l re i n force m e n t . Deep c h a n n e l s have been c a rved in o u r m i n d s, d i rec t i n g o u r m e n t a l en e rgy away from t h e open d i m en s i o n o f c o n sc i o u sness i n t o t h e rea l m o f objects. W i t h each t h o u g h t o r se n s a t i o n , o u r m i n d s n o w flash w i t h t h e speed of an e l ec t r i c c u rre n t to

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engage t h e appare n t ly o bj e c t i ve wo r l d . F ro m b i rt h , we a re cond i t i o n ed by th ese patterns of percep t i o n , t h o u g h t, a n d res po n ses. We a u to m a t i ca l l y e m ploy t h es e pa tterns to i n ter p ret and respon d to o bjects and s i t u a t i o n s . Th i s o n e w a y o f respo n d i n g i s a l l we k n o w : L i ke a t ra i n fo l l ow i n g a track, we seem p redest i n ed to fo l l ow t h e ro ute l a i d d o w n i n t h e cou rse of o u r evo l u t i o n . A l t h o u g h w e may be convi n ced that we a re t h i n k i n g a n d act i n g fro m c h o ice, we a re ac t u a l l y co n d i t io n ed to a sense of separa t i o n and to the p u s h e s a n d p u l l s of polari ties. We a re bo u n d to eva l u ate a n d react t o eve ryt h i n g i n terms of l i kes a n d d i s l i kes, des i ra b l e a n d not des i rable, good a n d bad. C o m m i tted to a v i ew based upon d u a l ity, and c o n fi n ed to t h e c o n c e p t u a l structu res t h a t e m e rged from t h i s vi ew, we c a n n o t conceive of t h e possi b i l i ty o f h av i n g a m o re o pen pattern i n g f o r o u r t h o ughts a n d act i o n s. Th e re i s l it t l e in our way of l i fe even to m ake u s q ue ry our patt e rn s o f perc e p t i o n and t h o u g h t , or refl ect u po n t h e d eeper i m p l i c a t i o n s of h o w we v i ew o u rse l ves a n d our worl d . A t t h e sa m e t i m e, t h e force o f attract i o n t o the objective world h a s g rown m o re i n t e n se t h a n ever befo re. Modern soc i e t i e s h ave g i ve n b i rt h to cou nt l ess n ew tec h n o l o g i es, sett i n g i n m o t i o n a new k i n d of evo l u t i o n powe red by t h e i n gen u i ty of o u r rat i o n a l m i n d s . A l t h o u g h o u r sc i e n t i fi c a n d tec h n o l og i cal evo l u t i o n is a recent d eve l o p m ent in o u r p l a n etary h i story, i ts force h a s s i g n i fi c a n t l y i ncreased the n a t u ral m o m e n t u m of c h ange. Today, the p r i m ary t h r u st of our c reat ivity seems d i rected toward i m prov i n g our phys i c a l we l l - be i n g

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t h rough b roaden i n g t h e sco pe of tec h n o l ogy. Even now, each new adva nce stren g t h e n s o u r d ep e n d e n cy on tec h n o l ogy, g i v i n g u s l i t t l e c h o i ce b u t to s u pport i t s growt h . B u t a re we d i rect i n g t h i s g rowth w i t h w i sd o m , to e n h a n c e a l l aspects of h u m a n l i fe? O r w i l l i t s deve l o p m e n t c rowd o u t h u m a n va l u es a n d d raw us i n to an a rt i f i c i a l a n d d e h u m a n i z i n g way of l i fe? A l ready our m od e rn way of l i fe depends upon co m p l ex n etworks m ade poss i b l e by m o d e rn tec h n o l ogy. Each aspect o f o u r soci ety, s u c h as ed u c at i o n , fi nance, a n d trans porta t i o n , h a s i ts own e l a bo rate netwo rk s u pport ed by so p h i s t i c ated m ac h i n e ry . Th ese netwo rks t h e m se lves are beco m i n g m o re c l osely l i n ked toget h e r as overa rc h i n g co m m u n i cat i o n s and i n format i o n n etwo rks a re deve l o ped. M ac h i nes a re deeply i n t e rwoven i n to the fabric of soc i a l and private l i fe. A l a rge perc e n t age o f o u r t i m e and en ergy i s now d evoted to ru n n i n g and m a i n ta i n i n g t h ese mach i n es a n d syste m s . T h i s t re n d can o n l y ac celerate as modern n a t i o n s strive to stay u p-to-d ate i n order t o m a i n ta i n l eadersh i p in an i n c reas i n g l y compet i t ive w o r l d . H u ge q u a n t i t i es o f i n fo r m at i o n m u s t co n t i n u a l l y be processed to kee p o u r soc i e t i es ru n n i n g smooth ly, and we n eed i n c reas i n g n u m be rs of m ac h i nes to per form t h ese f u n c t i o n s effi c i e n t l y . M i r ro r i n g and ext e n d i n g vari o u s f u nc t i o n s of t h e h u m an m i n d , co m p u ters can be deve l o ped to s u p port even m o re co m p l ex sys tems t h a n we have at p res e n t . O u r d e pe n d e n cy u po n computers i s ra p i d l y i n creas i n g; i n t h e f u t u re , t h ey m ay be essen t i a l fo r t h e fu n c t i o n i n g of nearly eve ry aspect of o u r soc i e t i e s . I n years to c o m e , we may s e e i n c reas i n g coopera-

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t i o n betwee n h u m a n b e i n g s a n d c o m p u ters. We a l ready k n ow t h a t co m p u ters are poten t i a l l y powerfu l ed ucat i o n a l d ev i c es . We a l so e n v i s i o n deve l o p i n g art i fi c i a l i n te l l i ge n c e t h a t w i l l d u p l i cate t h e rat i o n a l f u n c t i o n s of t h e m i n d ; we m ay be a b l e to s u pply t h i s art i fi c i a l i n te l l i gence w i t h i n st ru m e n t s far m o re sen s i t i ve than o u r o w n sensory orga n s . S o o n c o m p u ters wi l l b e progra m m i n g each o t h e r, add i n g a n ew l evel of tec h n o l og i c a l soph i st i cat i o n . C o m p u ters t h a t c a n m a k e rud i m entary projec t i o n s a n d deci s i o n s free u s to c o n c e n t rate on m o re i m por tant aspects o f t h e dec i s i o n - m a k i n g p rocess. But when c o m p u ters a re able to make dec i s i o n s m o re effi c i e n t l y a n d p red i c ta b l y t h a n h u m a n b e i ngs, w e may fi n d i t exped i e n t t o give t h e m c o n tro l over m o re c o m p l i cated d ec i s i o n s , even t h ose t h a t a ffect h u m a n l i ves. Wh i le s u c h a s h i ft c o u l d el i m i n a te t h e fact o r of h u m an bias o r e rro r, t h e ro l e o f h u m a n being as dec i s i o n - maker a n d co n t ro l l e r wou l d be seri o u s l y c h a l l en ge d . Wi l l the t i m e co m e w h e n we fee l it exped i e n t to rel i n q u i s h what h a s always been a p u re l y h u m a n prerogative? As t h e w o r l d g rows m o re c h ao t i c a n d c o n f u s i ng, m i g h t we come to be m o re a n d m o re attracted to the c o m p u ter's rat i o n a l pred ictab i l i ty ? Co u l d some of us even beg i n to i d e n t i fy m o re w i t h co m p u t eri zed i n t e l l i gence t h a n w i t h o u r fe l l ow m a n ? M i g h t we eve nt u a l l y beg i n to eval u ate o u r own i n te l l igence by c o m pa r i n g o u rsel ves to com p u t ers? W h at d o we rea l l y k n ow a bo u t t h i s h u m a n m i n d , w h i c h n o w see m s to b e o n t h e verge o f d u p l i cat i n g i t se l f a rt i fi c i a l l y ? W h a t ro l e w i l l we, as l i v i n g be i n gs, p l ay in the f u t u re, i f our rat i o n a l , l og i ca l , and dec i s ive

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abi l i t ies, o u r m o st h i g h l y va l u ed assets, are s u p e rseded by a m o re adva nced m o d e l ? A re we t h i n k i n g a h ea d , a n d gu i d i n g o u rse lves i n t h e d i rect i o n we w i s h , or a re we caught u p i n a m o m en t u m that i s lead i n g u s i n t i g h te n i n g c i rc l es, na rrow i n g o u r vi s i o n a n d l i m i t i n g o u r o pt i o n s for t h e f u t u re ? A n swers to s u c h q u est i o n s m u s t be g ro u n d ed o n t h e most c o m p l ete k n o w l edge of h u m a n be i n g pos si b l e. B efo re we a re swept i nt o a f u t u re t h a t m i g h t n o t t u rn o u t as we w i s h , w e n eed t o l o o k c l o s e l y at o u r presen t s i t u a t i o n a n d beg i n a process of exa m i n i n g t h e very basi s of o u r k n o w l edge- o u r h u m a n c o n s c i o u s n e s s a n d t h e n a t u re o f o u r m i nd s . I n refl ect i n g on t h e co m p l ex i t i es o f t h e m i n d , i t m i ght b e h e l p f u l to t h i n k of o u r o rd i n a ry c o n sc i o u s n ess as a sh i p, w i t h t h e rat i o n a l , j u d g m e n t a l m i n d a s i t s capt a i n , c h a rt i n g t h e c o u rse t hat o u r l ives w i l l fo l l ow. O u r senses a n d n e rvo u s syst e m s , a s we l l as t h e i n tegrative and cog n i t i ve centers of o u r m i n d , a l l have t h e i r own networks t h a t c h a n n el power t h ro u g h o u t t h e e n t i re s h i p . Yet t h ey a l so w o r k toge t h e r, coord i na ted by m i n d . The i n t ricate power system o f o u r m i n d - s h i p i nvo lves c o u n t l es s i n teract i o n s t h a t st i m u l a te t h e energy o f o u r co n s c i o u s n ess, evo k i n g waves o f power that enter o u r cogn i t i o n w i t h g reat force as t h o u g h t ex p l odes i n to i m ages. Th ese i mages m u l t i p l y, refl ect, m erge, and d i v i d e i n to m o re i m ages that co n t i n u e t h e same i n teract i o n s . E n gag i n g each o t h e r a n d feed i n g back co u n t l ess rep l i cat i o n s, t h e s h i f t i n g i m ages struc t u re t h e m s e l ves i n t o m o re defi n i te patterns. These patterns o f i mages are a l so i n m o t i o n , reflect i ng,

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d i vid i ng, a n d refo r m i n g i n i n n u mera b l e c o m b i nat i ons. All t h i s act i v i ty i s e n c o m passed w i t h i n thought, as if t h o u g h t itself were a s p h e re o f faceted p r i s m s , each h av i n g t h e depth and b r i l l i a nce o f a d i a m o n d . D i s c rete t h o u g h ts s p i n o u t o f t h i s s p h e re, a r ran gi ng t h e m se l ves in the l i n ea r prog re s s i o n of a c h a i n of rel ated t h o u g h t s . Th ese in t u rn i n te ract and pro l i ferate i n a co m p lex i n n e r dyn a m i c t h at i n c l u d es bu rsts of sensory i m p res s i o n s , percept i o n s, m e m o r i es, assoc i a t i o n s, a n d i n terpret a t i o n s, flow i n g toget h e r a n d re spo n d i n g to each o t h e r i n cessantly. Even befo re we g l i m pse t h e a ri s i n g t h o u g h t , t h e process i s n early co m p l ete, a ro u s i n g fee l i n gs a n d e m o t i o n s t h a t c h a n n e l m o re energy i n to t h e cyc l es of pattern i n g. Th i s e n t i re system i s pre p rogra m m ed to fi re a u t o m a t i c a l l y w i t h t h e o n se t of t h e percept u a l process. O u r m i n d -s h i p floats on a n ocean o f e m o t i o n s, so m et i m es e n co u nteri n g fa i r weat her, at o t h e r t i mes r i d i ng out storms. Th e ocea n , in fl ux w i t h the s h i ft i n g c u rre n t of desi re, i s s e l d o m ca l m ; g u i d i n g t h e s h i p t h ro u g h u n certa i n waters, t h e capta i n m a kes the dec i s i o n s t h at d ete rm i n e our cou rse. B u t can we re l y u po n o u r capt a i n to g u i d e us w i se l y ? O n o n e l evel we t h i n k we k n ow o u r own m i n d s . We t ra i n t h e i r rat i o n a l capa b i l i t i es and u se t h e m to b r i n g a c o h e s ive o rder to o u r l i ves. We can test the se n s i t i v i ty of our sen ses a n d t rack th e i r co rrespo n d i n g cen ters i n o u r b ra i n ; w e c a n trace t h e perce p t u a l process, defi n e o u r i n tegra t i ve a n d a n a lytic a b i l i t ies, a n d m ea s u re them acc o rd i n g to o u r set o f

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defi n i t i o n s . B u t can s u c h m e t h o d s reveal o u r f u l l h u m an capaci ty? The m o re c l osely we look at the n a t u re o f t h e m i nd , t h e l ess confident w e beco m e . W e c o n s i d e r the m i n d t o b e t h e a r b i t e r of o u r k n o w l edge. A l l t h at const i t u tes o u r rea l i ty is cogn i zed by m i nd . M i n d tel l s us what i s knowable and what i s u n k n owa b l e : O u r q u est i o n s ari se i n m i n d a n d a re a n swered i n m i n d . M i n d m easu res, m i n d i n terprets, m i n d carries o n d i a l o g u e w i t h m i n d , m i n d eva l u ates a n d j u dges, m i n d decides. When we i nves t i gate t h e n a t u re o f our i n n e r rea l m o f fee l i ngs, e m o t i o n s , t h o u gh ts, m e m o ri es, assoc i a t i on s , and concepts, we fi n d that m i n d i s t h e arbi ter of our expe rience as we l l . B u t if we t ry to i n vesti gate the f i e l d beh i n d o u r percept i o n s and t h o u g hts, m i n d is c u ri o u s l y s i l e n t . I t see m s that m i n d can m eas u re o n ly w i t h i n patterns of t h o u g h t s a n d concepts; m i n d has n o measurements for m i nd . I s the rat i o n a l m i n d tru ly i n c o m m a n d o f o u r w h o l e bei ng ? H ow i s i t i n fl u enc ed b y e m o t i o n s, fee l i ngs, a n d t h e fl uctuat i n g recept i v i t i e s of o u r senses? W h at i s t h e rea l nature of t h o u g h t ? A re th ere o t h e r aspects of o u r consc i o u s n es s w e do not f u l ly u n dersta n d ? H o w wo u l d w e k n ow i f there were ? What h ap p e n s t o o u r consc i o u s n ess when w e s l eep, w h e (l w e spend h o u rs u n aware that we a re t h i n k i n g ? Do we rea l l y k n ow who we are, and i f not, can we k n ow w h e re we a re go i n g? Can we trust our m i nd s to d i scern t h e true from the appare n t , o r to d i s t i n g u i sh rea l va l u es from the su perfi c i a l ? Even w h e n we t h i n k we a re be i ng rat i o n a l or reasonab le, i s t h i s a l ways t h e case? O u r pos i t i o n m ay

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seem reaso n a b l e on t h e s u rface, yet be g ro u nded on fa l se ass u m pt i o n s . I f we a re s k i l l ed , we can j u s t i fy nearly a n y po s i t i o n we c a re to adopt. Even u ncon sci o u sly, we m ig h t sh i ft from pos i t i o n to pos i t i on at d iffere n t t i mes, a u t o m a t i c a l l y adj u st i ng ' facts' to s u i t o u r pu rposes. J u s t a s we t e n d to b e taken i n b y ou tward a ppeara nces, we tend to accept logical arg u m e n t s as pers u asive w i t h o u t exam i n i n g t h e i r u n d er l y i n g as s u m p t i o n s too c l osely. We m ay regard t h e wri tten w o rd eve n m o re u n c r i t i ca l l y t h a n spo ken l a n g u age. L i k e t h e t h o u g h ts t ha t p receded t h e m , word s tend t o be ' b e l i evab l e' when p resented ' rat i o n a l ly'-we fo rget t h a t both words and l og i c a re co n structs of the h u man m i nd. Percept i o n s a re i n stan t l y na m ed a n d l a b e l ed by t h e m i n d , g ivi ng rise to t h o u g h t s a n d i d eas t h a t c reate a part i c u l a r vers i o n o f rea l i ty. O u r sense of ' rea l i ty' i s espe c i a l l y s t ro n g w h e n w e are c a u g h t u p i n a stro n g e m o t i o n s u c h a s an ger. We assert, w e deny, we reject, a l l based o n w h a t we ' k n ow' to be r i g h t . Yet the next m o m e n t we cou l d feel warm and l ov i n g . Then o u r rea l i ty m i g h t be very d i fferen t; t h e reaso n s fo r o u r a n g e r wo u l d n o l o n ger be c o m p e l l i ng; we m i g h t later deny o u r p rev i o u s an ger. Was one ' rea l i ty' l ess real t h a n t h e o t h er? W h a t k i n d of t h read l i n ked t h ese two ' rea l i t i es ' ? We co u l d proba b l y estab l i s h a co n n ec t i o n t h a t wou l d s e e m very p l a u s i b l e. A re s u c h con nect i o n s va l i d, o r a r e t h ey assu m pt i o n s ? Are t h ey true i n t h e m se l ves, o r a re t h ey what we wa n t to be l i eve i s t r u e ? H ow do we k n ow? The ' s h a p i ng' o f our rea l i ty can be seen most c l early in c i rc u m sta nces when we fee l a need to ' cover' fo r o u rselves. We s e l d o m need to l i e- t h ere are u s u a l l y

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many ' h a l f t ru t h s' t h a t w i l l serve to p rotect u s. I n o n e sen se, n o n e of o u r a n swers need be wrong, a l t h o u g h a l l may b e decept i ve. W e e a s i I y lose s i g h t of t h e s u bt l e ways we h i de t h e f u l l t r u t h from o u rselves a n d oth ers. Once we h ave exp l a i n ed o u r act i o n s, a n d the o t h e r person has accepted o u r reasons, o u r own m i n d s may take them as co m p l ete t r u t h . Words g ive o u r reaso n s so l i d i ty; o n ce t h e words a r e s p o k e n , we can eas i l y conv i n ce o u rse lves t h a t t h ey a re t r u e . We have n o protec t i o n fro m s u c h d ece p t i o n s a ri s i n g from t h e fl i c keri ng q u a l i ty of o u r ow n m i n d s . O u r ' rea l i ty' m ay be more ' fl ex i b l e ' and u n st a b l e t h a n we rea l i ze. This fl i c keri n g q u a l i ty see m s to pervade our expe r i ence. F o r exam p l e , w e va l u e o u r r i g h t t o 'c h a nge o u r m i n d', b u t i s t h i s ' c h a n ge' based o n new k n o w l edge we have fu l l y i nvest igated ? Or does it refl ect i n stead a sh i ft of i n te rest or m o t iva t i o n ? How s t a b l e is o u r grasp o n w h at h as va l u e and i s worth pu rs u i n g ? H ow can we t r u st o u r m i n d s, w h e n t h ey can ' c h a n ge', be cha nged, or i n fl u e n ced so eas i l y ? Lac k i n g g reate r k n o w l ed ge of t h e w o r k i n g s of o u r own m i nd s, w e feed o u r co n s c i o u s n ess a m i xed d i et of t h e t ru e a n d t h e fa l se, t h e real a n d t h e a rt i fi c i a l , beg i n n i n g w i t h t h e t h o u g h ts t h a t a r i s e i n o u r m i n d s . W h e n we be l i eve i n t h e rea l i t y of t h e t h o u g h ts a n d i m ages c reated b y t h e swee p i n g m o m e n t u m of cog n i t i o n , w e fu se o u r awareness t o i l l u s i o n a n d p l a n t t h e seeds of self-decepti o n . Each t i m e perc e p t i o n s ari se, m o re t h o u g h t s a re c reated , a n d the p rocess of f u s i n g o u r awareness to t h e i l l u s i o n rec u rs. Our co n sc i o u s n e s s bec o m es a t t u n ed to this on go i n g process; the seeds p l a n ted earl i e r take root

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a n d g row. T h e p r i st i n e q u a l i ty of percept i o n dec reases; a rest l ess q u a l i ty permeates a l l o u r experien ce, cond i t i o n i n g o u r v i ew of o u rsel ves a n d o u r su rro u n d i ngs. Reach i n g out fo r c o n tact w i t h the rea l , we meet with the s u perfi c i a l , the tem porary, and t h e a rt i fi c i a l . Becau se o u r co n s c i o u s n ess i s s o strongly fixated o n the object ive po l e of o u r expe ri ence, l oo k i ng w i t h i n a n d st u d y i ng o u rselves c l ose l y becomes very d i ffi c u l t . For a l l o u r k n o w l edge of t h e observa b l e world a n d o u r i n gen u i ty i n m a n i p u l a t i n g o u r envi ro n m en t , we k n ow l i tt l e a b o u t o u r o w n n at u re.

O o u r c o n sc i o u sn es s is m o re t h a n o u r rat i o n a l m i n d .

n t h e con text of o u r own experience we k n ow that

We h ave a w h o l e i n n e r rea l m of res ponses; we expe rience l ove a n d a p p rec i a t i o n , a n d feel j oy w h en we open o u r h earts t o o t h e rs. O u r fee l i ngs of wel l be i n g a r i se from a so u rce w i t h i n u s w e do n o t fu l ly u nderst a n d . We k n ow o f i n t u i t i o n a n d i n s p i ra t i o n , b u t h ave n o w a y t o expl a i n t h e m ; we k n ow of c reativ ity, but c a n n o t a ro u se it by an act of reaso n o r w i l l . We can respond to a sense of w o n d e r and power t h at transcends o u r s e n se of s e l f, a n d can exerc i se com pas s i o n for fe l l ow h u m a n b e i ngs.

T h ese see m to be u n ive rsa l h u man respo nses to l i v i n g in a world i n h e re n t l y bea u t i fu l , c h a n g i ng from m o m e n t to m o m e n t in an u n fold i n g t h a t is al ways new. B u t our respon ses to o u r l i v i n g, c h a n g i n g world are i n terpreted a n d j u d ged by t h e part of o u r m i n d s that t e l l s us w h at to d es i re, w h at to rej ect, a n d what w i l l ' m a ke' u s h a p py, a s i f w e had n o means o f ' bei ng' h a p py w i t h i n ou rse lves. We a p p l y l a be l s t h a t are not

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i n t r i n s i ca l l y o u r own , b u t g row o u t of o u r c u l t u ra l con d i t i o n i n g. S i nce t h i s cond i t i o n ed aspect o f m i n d can not pe n et rate t h e barriers o f t h e percept u a l process, i t can n o t k n ow t h e hea rt o f o u r be i n g, t h e part o f ou rse lves t h a t respo n d s to t h e t r u e a n d t h e rea l . When k n o w l edge o f h u m a n b e i n g does n o t pen etrate beyo nd our phys i o l ogy and the m o re observa b l e aspec ts of o u r co n sc i o u s n ess, h o w c a n w e even t h i n k about o u r fu l l h u m a n b i rt h r i g h t o r open n ew possi b i l i t i es for growt h ? O u r c o n sc i o u s ness i s n at u ra l l y receptive a n d can be s u sta i n ed by a n i n fl ow of a p p rec i a t i o n a n d j oy. B u t l i ke a great l a k e , i t c a n beco m e d e p l e ted w h e n i ts energy flows o n l y i n a n o u tward d i rec t i o n . W h e n o u r consci o u s n ess i s con t i n u a l l y preocc u p i ed a n d pres s u red, fi l l ed w i t h t h o u g h t s , des i res, and a n t i c i pa t i o n s, we leave n o open space f o r rev i t a l i z a t i o n . Even t u a l ly, o u r consc i o u s n ess bec o m e s t i red . O u r sen ses, i n ade q u ately s u p po rted by our aware n ess, beco m e n u m b a n d d u l l , req u i ri n g ever m o re i n t e n se form s o f extern a l st i m u l a t i o n . O u r present way o f l i v i n g a n d bei n g i n o u r world can not preve n t t h i s from h a p pe n i n g . H owever m a n y facts w e h ave a t o u r com m a n d , a n d h owever we l l w e learn to m a n i p u l a te i n f o r m at i o n , o u r u s e o f m i n d i s n o t dyn a m i c e n o u g h t o awaken t h e fu l l power o f o u r consc i o u s n ess. For a l l o u r eff o rt to sati sfy the n a t u ra l h u m a n des i re for a hea l t h i e r a n d h a p p i e r l i fe, t h e re are s i g n s t h at a deep h u nger i s g row i n g w i t h i n o u r most pro s pe ro u s soc i e t i es. N eeds a n d d e s i res seem to be i n crea s i n g rat her t h a n decrea s i n g . As we move i n to t h e f u t u re,

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devi s i n g new a p p l i cat i o n s for o u r knowledge and p rod u c i n g an end l ess st rea m of new prod ucts, we seem forced to go fas ter, d riven by a rest less wa n t i n g t h a t w i l l n o t be st i l l e d . I n a sense, o u r creativi ty i s being c h a n n e l ed i nt o i m ag i n i n g new products a n d bringing t h e m i n to being, so that we can t h e n des i re o u r new c reat i o n s . O u r l i ves n o w move q u i c k l y , carry i n g u s on a wave of wa n t i n g , a l l o w i n g us l i tt l e t i m e to deeply enjoy any o n e experi e nce. W h i l e a feast o f p ro d u cts and pleasu res is s p read before us, we have t i m e o n ly t o sa m p l e and m ove on, fo l l ow i ng the i m ages o f our d e s i res fro m p l ace to p l ace. We are a l ways i n m o t i o n ; l ed by t h o u g h t s a n d i m ages away fro m o u r v i t a l cen ter, we h ave no p l ace of rest; we have no rea l h o m e .

34

U n bo u n d e d M i n d

The energy of human consciousness may share an a ffinity with light tha t we do not yet understa nd.

1;;\ t t h i s c r i t i c a l t i m e, when t h e pace of ch a n ge m ay ffU be exceed i n g o u r a b i l i ty to d i rect i t w i t h w i sd o m , o u r al ternatives a re ra p i d ly d i m i n i s h i n g . T h e k n o w l edge w e a p p l y now wi l l d e c i d e w h e t h e r h u m a n be i ng is d o m i n a ted or l i berated by a l l we are b r i n g i n g i n t o b e i n g . W e face t h e n eed to c reate a new v i s i o n for h u m an ity, a v i s i o n t h at w i l l u p l i f t peo p l es of a l l n a t i o n s and prov i d e t h e fo u n d a t i o n fo r a new u n d ersta n d i n g of peace a n d p ro s pe r i ty. I n s p i ra t i o n to create a n d s u s t a i n a n expa n d ed v i s i o n of h u m a n bei ng can o n l y a r i se from g reater knowledge of h u m an consciou sness. Yet in CO[lcentrat ing on t h e aspects of the m i n d t h at can be e val u ated and ana l yzed, we m ay h ave c o m e t o assu m e t h a t we cannot k now o u r c o n sc i o u s n ess. H ow can we so easi ly ass u m e t h i s when we u s e o u r m i n d s conti n u ou sly? We l i ve w i t h i n o u r own c o n sc i o u sness: I t i s o u r l i fe, o u r home, t h e essence of o u r h u m a n b e i n g . Say i n g we

3 54


c a n n o t know o u r conscio u s ness is l i ke say i n g t h a t we c a n n o t see o u r l i ps m ovi ng w h e n we t a l k . F rom one perspective, t h i s m ay be t ru e , but the so l u t i o n i s to l o o k i n to a m i rro r. We may s i m ply not yet h ave d i s covered the m i rro r t h a t w i l l reveal the true n a t u re of o u r consc i o u s ness. Perhaps t h i s m i rro r l i es w i t h i n our c o n s c i o u sness i tself. Beh i n d or a ro u n d o u r t h o u g h t s we m ay sense a refl ect i ve f i e l d or a crysta l l i n e m i rror- l i ke q u a l ity. Perhaps the o bj ec t i ve world is m i rro red in our m i n d m o re co m p l et e l y t h a n we k n ow. I f we devel oped the means to exa m i n e o u r m i n d s m o re d i rectly, u s i n g the d i scoveries we m a ke about t h e nat u re of phys i ca l rea l i t i e s as i n d i c a t i o n s of what w e m i g h t f i n d w i t h i n , w e m i g h t d i scover a n e n t i rely new way to v i ew o u r se lves a n d o u r re l at i o n sh i p to o u r wo r l d . D u ri n g t h e l a st seve ra l cen t u ries w e h ave u sed sc i e n t i fi c methods to exp l o re t h e world a ro u n d us. Loo k i n g to t h e h eavens, we d i scove red t h a t t h e s u n w a s not t h e center, b u t a part of a great gal axy, o n e of m a n y . N ow t h e re a re spec u l at i o n s t h a t o u r galaxy m i g h t be p a r t of a s t i l l l a rger syst e m . I n vest i gat i n g so l i d fo rms, we fo u n d they were com posed of m o l ec u l es; go i n g deeper, we fo u n d m o l ec u l es were com posed of ato m s; g o i n g st i l l farther, we found e l ec t ro n s , pro t o n s , a n d eve n t u a l l y even stranger part i c les t h a t vaci l l ate betwee n m atter a n d e n e rgy. In each case, we h ave fo u n d noth i n g fl at, l i near, or stat i c . F ro m the s m a l l est to the l a rgest u n i ts of m atter, t h e phys i c a l u n iverse see m s to exh i b i t repeat i n g patt e r n s . E n t i t i e s revo lve a ro u n d each other, spi n n i n g i n cyc l es; m atter becomes en ergy, en ergy m atter.

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Space is vi brant w i t h dyn a m ic i n te ract i o n s t h at c o n vert u l t i mately i nto l i g h t . M ig h t o u r m i nd s fol l ow si m i l a r patterns? A re thoughts co m p l ex pattern i n gs o f en ergy? I s o u r c o n sci ousn ess rel ated to fu n d a m e n t a l p h y s i c a l forces? These q u es t i o n s are n ow o n l y spec u l a t i o n s, for we have not deve l o ped the m ea n s to exa m i n e t h e fu l l spect ru m o f h u m an c o n sc i o u s n ess at t h i s fu n d a m e n tal level. In t h e past, w h e n we fe l t the p ress i n g n eed for greater k n ow l edge, we h ave m ad e stren u o u s efforts to deve l o p better m ea n s o f observat i o n . Perh aps we can apply t h i s same sense of u rgency to u n d e rsta n d i n g h u man bei n gs, a n d d eve l o p ways t o researc h o u r con s c i o u s n es s m o re deeply. A s a start i n g po i n t for resea rc h , we co u l d beg i n w i t h what reso u rces we h ave: our senses, percept u a l processes, and o u r a n a ly tic abi l i t i es. We have u sed o u r sen ses to gain k n ow l ed ge abo u t t h e physical w o r l d ; perhaps w e c a n a l so u se them i n o t h e r ways. We m i g h t be a b l e to u se o u r v i s i o n t o ' l ook w i t h i n ' i n m o re t h a n a m et a p h o ri c a l sen se; w e m i g h t a l so b e a b l e to d i rect o u r o t h e r senses i nward as wel l . ' Sensi ng w i t h i n ', w e may fi n d t h at o u r sen ses h ave a s u bt l e aspect rel ated to a broader awa re n ess. N o rmal ly, we say t h at our sen ses are ' aware of' someth i n g , i n ferr i n g a re lati o n s h i p between o u rselves and what we a re see i n g. It m i gh t a l so be poss i b l e to s i m p l y ' be aware' w i t h o u t reference to who is aware of what, sh i ft i n g e m p h a s i s to ' i n s i d e' t h e expe r i ence. Th ere m i g h t be ' seeing' or ' h eari ng' in greater depth and fu l l ness t h a n we now k now. But u n t i l we have

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m o re d i rect expe r i e n ce, we h ave no words to express t h e d i fference between o u r c u st o m a ry u n dersta n d i n g o f awareness a n d awareness t h a t goes beyo n d a s u b j e c t exper i e n c i n g a n object. Learn i n g to ' read t h e l a n g u age' of our m o re s u bt l e perceptual a b i l i t ies, we m ig h t fi n d a fasc i n a t i n g rea l m t h a t w e h ave ove r l ooked. T h ro u g h s u st a i ned observa t i o n and a n a ly s i s , we c o u l d expand o u r co n ceptu a l struct u re s to e m brace n e w k n o w l edge of h u man c o n sc i o u s ness. Once o u r pers pect ive o n h u m a n con sc i o u sness began t o c h a nge, every new d i scovery concern i n g o u r p h y s i c a l world co u l d i n s p i re u s to look w i t h i n , ba l a n c i n g o u r k n ow l edge of the obse rvable world w i th k n ow l edge o f t h e o b se rver.

� h e a n c i e n t m a p s defi ned t h e edges o f a flat world U w h e re d ra g o n s a w a i t e d t h o s e w h o v e n t u red beyo n d the l i m i t s of the k n o w n . T h e v i ew that the m ea s u ra b l e aspects of our c o n sc i o u s n ess a re all we can k n ow m ay be a s l i m i t i n g in our t i m e as was t h e f l at world view i n ages p a s t . W i t h a greater v i s i o n of h u m a n dest i n y a n d t h e co u rage t o t raverse o u r m en tal rea l m s, w h a t m i g h t we fi n d ? H ow far cou l d we go if we were n ot stopped by our conve n t i o n a l u n d erstand i ng ? If we were w i l l i ng to face our d rago n s d i rect ly? C o n s t r i cted by t h e pressu res m o u n t i n g o n all s i d es, h u m a n b e i n g s a re c o n f i n e d ever m o re c l osely to t h e c h a n n e l s o f know l edge esta b l i s hed l o n g ago. The pressu re itself makes it nearly i m po ss i b l e to see that o u r l i ves are essen t i a l l y recyc l i ngs from the past. Weary of t h i s e n d l ess repet i t i o n , o u r consc i o u s ness m ay be g row i n g o l d and t i red , darken i n g u n der the b u rd e n of stagnat i o n and press u re. Lac k i n g a means

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of replen i s h m e n t , o u r co l l ec t i ve m e n t a l v i t a l i ty may be w i n d i n g down in e n t ro p i c cycles. S h o u l d t h i s be happe n i ng, we m ay so o n bec o m e l o c k ed i n t o o u r present pattern i ng. T h e n i t w o u l d b e m u c h m o re d iffi c u l t to renew h u m a n con sc i o u sn ess; f u t u re gen era t i o n s wo u l d have n o c h o i ce b u t to repeat t h e same pattern s in ever- t i g h t e n i n g cyc les. Yet now, in t h i s m o m e n t , we h ave a priceless opport u n i ty to awa k en the f u l l reso u rces of o u r consc i o u sness a n d re i nv i g o rate o u r m i n d s . H ow can we conce ive o f the d y n a m i c power o f o u r c o n s c i o u s ness, w h i c h has s u s tai ned i t s e l f f o r a m i l l i o n years o f h u man evo l u t i o n ? T h e energy o f h u m a n c o n sc i o u s ness m a y share a n affi n i ty w i t h l i g h t t h a t we d o n o t yet u n derst a n d . Tu rn i ng t oward t h a t l i g h t , w e m i g h t f i n d i t the s o u rce of a " o u r i n s p i ra t i o n a n d c reativi ty. With m ore m en t a l e n ergy, we c o u l d ri se a bove the t u rb u l ence of co n f u s i o n a n d d e s i re that c l o u d s o u r v i s i o n , a n d view h u m an poten t i a l i t i es i n a far b r i g h ter l i ght. Tap p i n g even a part of o u r aware n ess, we gave rise to o u r p resent c reat i o n . I f we can fi nd ways to awaken the fu l l power o f awareness, we c o u l d enter a new phase of h u m a n evo l u t i o n a n d rev i ta l i ze o u rselves a n d o u r worl d .

35

K n ow l ed ge of F reed o m

The magical play of the mind contains all possibilities for growth and change.

O

t see m s we h ave co m e fu l l c i rc l e . Is t h i s t h e end of o u r j o u rney? D i d we beg i n w i t h specu l a t i o n a bo u t o u r p a s t , o n l y t o e n d w i t h spec u l a t i o n abou t o u r f u t u re ? W h a t new k n ow l edge have w e ga i n ed ?

Perh aps we are now awa re o f how l i t t l e we rea l l y k n ow. We h ave s e e n t h at t h e w o r l d aro u n d u s, even t h e a l l -e n co m pass i n g u n i verse, p l ays o u t i t s ro l e in t h e d ra m a of b i rt h a n d deat h , c rea t i o n a n d d e s t ru c t i o n . I n o u r m i nd 's eye, w e c a n i m agi ne t h e l i fe o f o u r s u n and earth beg i n n i n g i n a sw i rl i n g c l o u d of el e m e nt s . We m i g h t i m ag i n e even ea rl i er begi n n i n gs, m ov i n g back to a mysteri o u s po i n t i n t i m e t h at preceded the very form a t i o n o f t h e u n iverse. B eyo n d th i s po i n t i t i s d iffi c u l t t o even i m ag i n e . Beh i n d each begi n n i n g, we touch u po n a rea l m of c o m p l e te u n cert a i n ty. If we c o n s i der the fu t u re of our world, we arrive at a s i m i l a r po i n t of u n k n ow i n g . We ass u m e that some day our sun w i l l grow old a n d d i e, c o l l a p s i n g i n to

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noth i n gn ess. A l l l i fe on o u r p l a n e t w i l l cert a i n ly be ex t i ng u i sh e d . I t seems t h a t even t h e u n iverse m u st even t u a l l y c o m e to an end. W i l l eve n space a n d t i m e cease t o be? O u r e a rt h , o u r ga l axy, t h e u n ivers e -a l l seem t o a r i se a n d d i sa p pear from a n u n k no w n poi n t of poten t i a l i ty , w h i c h o u r k n ow l edge, l i m i ted to a fixed spectru m of existence, does not reve a l . W h e n w e co n s i d e r t h e o r i g i n s a n d d es t i n y o f h u man bei ngs, w e a re aga i n at a l o ss. O u r o r i g i n s a r e u n ce rta i n , a n d o u r f u t u re i s co m p l e t e l y u n k n o w n . As we t ravel back i n t i m e , t h e t h read o f u n d e rsta n d i n g t h at l i n ks u s to t h e beg i n n i n gs of h u m a n bei n g g rows ever m o re ten u o u s. W h a t c i rc u m s t a n ces b r o u g h t forth a m i n d t h at co u l d t h i n k , form assoc i a t i o n s , a n d re me mber? What gave rise to the fi n e - t u n ed h ea r i n g a n d voice t h a t m a d e speech poss i b l e ? W h at m o t iva ted h u m a n be i n gs to d eve l o p l a n g u ag e ? W e a re even u n ce rt a i n a b o u t t h e c h a i n of eve n t s t h at bro u g h t h u m a n be i n gs t o t h i s po i n t i n space a n d t i me. O n e eve n t h a s l ed to a n o t h er, so m e h ow l ead i n g t o t h e present, a s c i v i l i za t i o n s a n d n a t i o n s h ave co m e a n d gone. W h o co u l d h ave p red icted, five h u n d red years ago, how h u m a n bei n g s wou l d l i ve today? W h o co u l d have k n own t h e n what t h i s co u n t ry wou l d t u rn o u t to be? W i t h a l l t h e d i fferent poss i b i l i t i es t h a t n ow ex i st , who can say h ow t h e world w i l l be i n a n o t h e r five h u n d red years? I m ag i n i n g the beg i n n i n g o f o u r own l i fe, we a re caught i n t h e sa m e u n certa i n ty. We e m e rge o u t of n ow h e r e - f r o m so m e s p a c e a n d t i m e we c a n n o t compre h e n d . Eve n t u a l l y o u r body w i l l d i sso l ve back i n to t h e e l e m e n ts, b u t what w i l l beco m e of t h e e n e rgy

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t h a t activates o u r body a n d m i n d ? What i s t h e dest i ny of o u r c o n sc i o u s ness? T h i s rem a i n s as mysteri o u s as the t i m e before o u r b i rt h . B o u n d ed b y u n ce rt a i n t i es, w e l ive o u t o u r l i ves i n a n u n ceas i n g st re a m of ch ange. N ot h i ng stands st i l l , w i t h i n o r w i t h o u t; w e a n d everyt h i n g i n o u r world pu l se w i t h t h e heart beat o f t i m e . O u r see m i n g l y so l i d bod i e s en case wh i rl i n g g a l a x i e s o f part i c l es t h a t m i rro r t h e n a t u re of a l l exi stence. Every form , eve ry ce l l , every part i c l e of o u r be i n g a n d of t h e world a ro u n d u s i s c o nt i n u a l ly beco m i ng so m et h i n g e l se, eterna l ly free of a f i xed p l ace i n t h e k nown or of a rest i n g p l ace i n t h e f u t u re. L i ke a river, c h a nge carries a l l ex i stence i n a c o n t i n u o u s st rea m . Even o u r s ee m i n g l y s t a b l e l i ves are swept a l o n g by c h a n g e : As o u r day u n fo l d s, o u r senses reso nate to t h e world a b o u t u s ; i m ages a n d t h o u g h t s p a s s t h rough o u r m i n d s , o u r breath fl ows i n and o u t , s u p p o rt i n g o u r speech a n d ac t i o n . O u r h earts beat i n pace w i t h o u r m ovements a n d e m o t i o n s . M o m e n t b y m o m ent, we l i ve a m i d st a co n t i n u a l flow of percep t i o n , t h o u ght, a n d e m o t i o n , patte r n s ari s i n g a n d s u b s i d i n g in see m i n g l y u n e n d i n g repet i t i o n s . E a c h m o m e n t a r i ses as a n u n c e r t a i n ty , a n u n k n ow n as v a s t as t h e m o m e n t before t h e u n ive rse c a m e i n to b e i n g , as deeply s i g n i fi ca n t a n d fu l l of pote n t i a l as t h e m o m e n t before o u r o w n b i rt h . H ow c a n h u m a n b e i n g s end u re l i v i n g i n s u c h pervasive u n cert a i n ty? E x i st i n g in a perpet u a l state of u n k n ow i ng, we seek s t ab i l i ty n ea r l y reflexively. We v i ew o u r l ives as having a beg i n n i n g , a d u ra t i o n , and an e n d i n g : a story wri t ten in t i m e . We expe r i e n c e o u rselves as m ov i n g t h rough

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t i m e as an acto r m oves across a stage, p l ay i n g o u t scene after scene. W e l ive o u t t h e story o f o u r l ives, t h i n ki n g we are movi n g forwa rd a s we a t t e m p t to real ize o u r d re a m s : w h a t we desi re for o u rselves a n d f o r fut u re generat i o n s. Y e t i t see m s we a re re p l ay i n g t h e same story aga i n a n d aga i n . W i th i n th i s story, w e see o n l y t h e e n d resu l t of c h anges. We look, and we see t h e sa m e i m ages, t h e same fo r m s, t h e same peop l e day after day. W e w a l k t h ro u g h t h e s a m e ro u t i n es, say t h e sa m e w o rd s , m a k e t h e s a m e gestu res, respo n d accord i n g to t h e same patterns year after year. D es i re, p l e a s u re, boredo m , excit e m e n t , d i sappo i n t m e n t , n ew d e s i re, a n t i c i p a t i o n , frustra t i on - i n te rwoven patterns, rei n forced b y m e m ories a n d asso c i a t i o n s , e n c h a i n u s; we h ave n o way to break free and see ou rselves as we are. O u r awa re ness is hypnoti zed by samen ess a n d repet i t i o n . From t h e m o m e n t we en gage a t h ou g h t , we repeat ancient pattern i n gs o f n a m i n g, freez i ng into concepts the l iv i n g rea l i ty before u s . Out o f an i n fi n i t u d e of pote n t i a l i t i es, we s h a pe d i st i nct e n t i t i es by l a be l i ng, d e l i neat i n g, m easu ri ng, d efi n i n g, a n d part i c u l ar i z i n g. H ow co u l d we even f u n ct i o n i f we h ad t o ren a m e everyt h i n g each i n st a n t ? D iv i d i n g ti m e i n to separate m o m e n t s a n d space i n to so l i d f o r m s, we cog n i ze ' real th i ngs' movi ng t h ro u g h t i m e as we l l as space. We set up u n q u e st i o n ab l e ru l e s to defi ne ' real t h i n gs', a n d we find o u rselves in a rea l m o f t h i n g s t h a t w e ' know'. We ' k now' w h at h a p p i ness i s, or freed o m ; w e ' k now' w h at we m e a n w h e n we say ' m i n d'. We ' k now' w h at s u fferi ng i s , a n d we ' k now' w h o we are. When we gather together a l l of the na m es we ' k n ow',

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we h ave o u r body o f k n ow l edge, w h i c h we u se to l ive i n o u r w o rl d . Even k n ow l edge bec o m es a ' t h i ng' that we part i c u l ar i ze i n to e n d l essly f i n e r d i st i n c t i o n s . W h e rever we l o o k i n o u r l a n g u age, we can see t h e e m p h a s i s o n t h e c o n c re t e a n d t h e rea l . We g i ve s u bstance to i n ta n g i b l e i d eas, s u c h as freedom and progress, a n d to o u r process words, such as movement a n d c h a n ge. We can m a k e t h i ngs even m o re so l i d by say i n g : " T h i s i s. " " Th i s i s n o t . " "We are . " We step i n to t h e ' re a l ' a n d deadened worl d o f t h i n gs w h e n we s a y " I a m . " I g n o ri ng the c h a n g i n g o pen f i e l d o f pot e n t i a l i t i es, we m a ke o u rselves sepa rate, l o n e l y bei ngs ex i st i n g in a world of frozen, separate t h i ngs. We a re locked i n t o a defi n i t i o n of ' real' that we cannot c h a n ge w i t h o u t cal l i n g our very existence i n to q u es t i o n . We c l i n g to t h ese n o t i o n s of ex i stence; we s u p p o rt t h i s v i ew w i t h o u r l i fe i tself, b e l i ev i n g i n ' I a m ' as o u r m o st certa i n fact of a l l . It give s us a p l ace, a p os i t i o n , j u st as everyt h i n g we can n a m e h a s a posi t i o n . B u t what d o we know of i t s s u bstance-what i s t h e n a t u re of o u r bei n g ? D e n y i n g t h e nat u re of o u r v i b ra n t worl d , w e have no f reed o m fro m the t h i n gs we ' k now'. We have no freedo m from t h e t h i ngs we n a m e , t h e t h i n gs we can see and fee l , the t h i ngs w h i c h aro u s e o u r desi res and avers i o n s. We a re not free fro m wa n t i n g , from frus t ra t i o n , f r o m a n x i et y ; w e h ave n o freed o m fro m l o n e l i ness, an ger, g u i l t , o r reg ret . We have n o freedom fro m o u r own t h o u g h t s . K n ow i ng a l l t h i s , we ga i n some i n s i g h t i n to o u r s i t u a t i o n : We h ave been d eceived b y u n t o l d ages o f cond i t i o n i n g i n to accept i n g a v i ew of l i fe that bi n d s

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u s t o repea t i n g patterns, l i m i t s o u r freed o m , a n d perpet u ates sufferi n g . W e c a n s e e h o w o u r very senses present u s with fixed t h i ngs, o b l iv i o u s t o t h e c h a n g i n g flow of l i fe. W e c a n beg i n to see h ow o u r t h o u g h ts a n d des i res l u re u s i n t o repea t i n g t h e sa m e d ra m as u n t i l we r u n o u t o f t i m e , a n d o u r s t o r i es c o m e t o a n e n d i n o l d age a n d d ea t h . We m ay s e e t h e f u t i l i ty o f repea t i n g t h e s a m e t h e m es; we m ay w a n t to be free. B u t w h ere i s t h e knowledge b road e n o u g h t o f ree u s ? O u r p rese n t way of k n ow i n g exp a n d s o n l y in spec i fi c d i re c t i o n s; fo l l ow i n g o l d pattern s, w e a re movi n g i n exo rab l y towa rd greater spec i a l i za t i o n . Confi n i n g k nowledge i n to ever s m a l l e r a n d m o re i so l a t ed c o m pa rt m e n t s, we a re l o s i n g s i g h t o f t h e k n o w l edge t h a t g i ves m ean i n g to h u ma n l i fe. Our k n ow l edge is l i ke a g reat co n e t h a t opens o n a w i d e vi sta. T h e f u rt h e r we exte n d o u rselves a l o n g its su rface, the broad e r o u r v i s i o n a ppears to grow, a n d the m o re we m ay feel we have u n l i m i ted pote n t i a l for exten d i n g i t s ra n g e . Y e t l i m i t i n g o u r selves to t h e s u rfac e of t h e c o n e, we a re su scep t i b l e t o ' t u n nel v i s i o n ' . C a n o u r present w a y o f u n d erstan d i n g ou rselves and o u r world ever prov i d e us w i t h real free d om ? H ow can we t ru st o u r k n o w l edge w h e n i t c o n t i n u al l y t e l l s u s sto r i e s t o m a ke u s t h i n k we a r e a l re a d y f r e e ? A l t h o u g h o u r l ives a re perm eated w i t h d e e p sufferi ng a n d i nsec u ri ty, we d e n y our u n k n o w i n g ; w e rej ect t h e u n certai nty t h at wou l d c o m pe l u s to beg i n o u r searc h for knowledge a n d freed o m . Even i f we t ry t o fo rge an open i n g i n t h e pattern , t h e m i n d sh i ft s t h e focus of a t tent i o n back t o word s : I n st ead o f freedo m , we a re given wo rd s w h i c h j u s t i fy o u r pa i n , a n d t h o u g h t s t h a t

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c o n fi n e u s to t h e p a t t e r n s w h i c h p e r p e t u a t e o u r s u ffer i n g . B u t words d o n o t set u s free. T h ey l u l l us w i t h reaso n s for our s u ff e r i ng, reaso n s for our l i m i t a t i o n s, for o u r w a n t i n g , h a t re d s , aggress i o n s, and v i o l e n ce toward o u rs e l ves a n d everyth i n g i n o u r wo r l d . O u r words a r e l ea d i n g u s i n c i rc l es, w h i l e w e t h i n k t h ey are po i n t i n g t h e way t o freed o m . W h e n w e see t h e f u l l i m p l i ca t i o n s o f c o n t i n u i n g as w e are a n d ask "What c a n we d o ? , " our t h o u g h t s i n st a n t l y d i sp l ay a n a rray of s o l u t i o n s, b u t t h ey a l l i n v o l v e u s a g a i n i n t h e s a m e p a t t e r n s . O u r fi xed n o t i o n s o f o u r s e l v e s a n d what we a re c a p a b l e of becom i n g s h u t t h e door o f poss i b i l i t i es for w h at we can ex peri e n ce, k n ow, and d o . O u r words, o u r l a n g u age, a n d o u r t h o u g h t s h av e l oc ked t h e d o o r a n d c o n c e a l ed

t h e key. W i t h i n

o u r i n ner prison, our

c h o i c e s a r e l i m i t e d , a n d f reed o m i s a n e m pty word . I t s e e m s we w i l l n o t a c c i d e n t a l l y esc a pe from t h i s p r i s o n o f o u r w a y o f k n o w i n g . I ts wa l l s a re h e l d i n p l ace b y o u r s e n s e o f separa t i o n , o u r s h o r t - s i g hted a c t i o n s, a n d o u r i n a b i l i ty t o s e e b eyo n d o u r own se l f - i n te r e s t . O u r h a b i t u a l pattern i n g exerts a force u po n t h e m i n d l i k e a m a g n e t i c a t t ract i o n , d raw i n g t h e m i n d to ' so l i d ' i m ages, o b j ects, a n d t h o u g h ts, a n d b i n d i n g i t t o t h i s so l i d rea l m . Even i f we see the patterns and t ry to break free, w e a re d rawn back i n to the patterns a l m o st refl e x i v e l y . B u t n o w m o re t h a n e v e r we n eed to w a k e up a nd recog n i ze t h e l i m i t a t i o n s of o u r k n ow l ed ge, n o t o n l y fo r o u rse lves, b u t f o r t h e f u t u re o f a l l h u m a n b e i n g s . D u r i n g t h e l as t f e w d ecades, we h ave b egu n to d i rect o u r k n ow l ed g e i n t o c h a n n e l s w h i c h a re pa t h ways to

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d estru c t i o n , e n d a n g e r i n g t h e s u rv i v a l of a l l f o r m s o f l i fe o n o u r p l a n et . H ow c a n w e free o u rse l ves from t h i s p r i so n w h e n t h e patte r n s b i n d u s s o t i g h t l y ? A l t h o u g h i t m ay be h a rd t o recog n i z e and h a rd to use, t h e k ey to u n l o c k t h e p r i s o n d o o r l i es w i t h i n u s . T h e k n o w l ed g e t h at b i n d s u s c a n a l so be t h e k n o w l ed g e t h a t o pe n s t h e path t o freed o m . We a l re a d y h av e a wea l t h o f s u c h k n o w l e d g e : W e k n o w t h e e x t e n t o f o u r l i m i t a t i o n s; we know t h e eve r- t i g h te n i n g cyc l e s of w a n t i n g a n d f r u st rat i o n t h a t c o n s t r i c t o u r v i s i o n ; w e k n ow t h e h o p e l es s n es s o f c o n t i n u i n g a s w e a re . N ow w e n eed to take t h e n ext step, and set o u r k n o w l ed g e free. G ro u n d i n g o u rselves i n t h e k n ow l ed g e we h ave, w e can a w a k e n d e t e r m i n at i o n t o n ev e r a g a i n b e c a u g h t u p i n d u p l i c a t i o n . T h i s d et e r m i n a t i o n i s t h e c o n fi d e n c e we n e ed to b r e a k free o f t h e p a t t e r n s t h a t b i n d u s . W i t h e a c h eff o r t w e l o o s e n t h e h o l d o f h a b i t u a l respo n se s a n d ex p e r i e n ce a n e w i n fl ow o f k n o w l ed g e . A l t h o u g h o u r i n i t i a l effo rts m a y n o t s u c c e e d , we c a n e n c o u ra g e o u r s e l v e s , k n o w i n g t h a t k n ow l ed ge w i l l s u p po rt u s . W h e n we back d e t e r m i n a t i o n w i t h n ew k n o w l edge a n d a p p l y i t i m m ed i ately in o u r l i ves, we ga i n s t re n g t h fro m e a c h e x p e r i e n c e . R e m e m beri n g a n d ac t i n g u po n a l l we k n ow, we refi n e o u r k n ow l ed g e co n t i n u a l l y . I n t i m e , we can b u i l d u p a dynam i c m o m e n t u m t h at w i l l co m p l et e l y overco m e t h e force o f o u r pattern i n g . A l t h o u g h o u r prese n t k n ow l ed g e i s l i m i te d , i t h a s a l so created m u c h bea u ty. I t h a s g i v e n u s powerf u l too l s t o e n h a n c e h u m a n l i f e : Everyt h i n g w e n eed for a n u n p ara l l e l ed re n a i s s a n c e o f h u m a n wel l - b e i n g is

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i n p l a c e . T h e w h o l e f i e l d of o u r co n sc i o u s n ess l i es before us, aw a i t i n g e x p l o rat i o n . O u r k n o w l ed g e is l i k e a n u gg e t of u n w ro u g h t go l d ; o n t h e a n v i l of o u r q u es t i o n i n g m i n d w e c a n work i t i n to a g o l d e n s p here of u n eq u a l e d b e a u ty. O n c e we k n o w how t o re c o g n i z e the face of k n o w l ed g e , we w i l l fi n d k n o w l ed g e eve ryw h e re . Ob s e rv i n g , a n a l y z i n g , and a p p l y i n g what we l ea r n , we can open o u r m i n d s t o k n o w l ed g e every m o m e n t of o u r l i v e s . The w h o l e p a t t e r n o f h u m a n l i fe, in a l l of i t s vari at i o n s , c a n be u n fo l d ed fo r us to s t u d y a n d a p p rec i a te. Even t h e e x p e r i e n ce of o t h ers c a n b e c o m e a s o u rc e o f k n ow l e d g e : T h os e o l d e r t h a n we a re s h ow u s w h e re o u r l i v e s are l e ad i n g; t h o s e yo u n ger can re m i n d us w h e re we h ave be e n . After w e h ave l oo se n ed t h e c o n fi n i n g pat t e r n s of o u r t h i n k i n g , we c a n fi n d a way to o p e n t h e wa l l s of t h e c o n e , a n d see t h e fu l l s p h ere of pote n t i a l i ty aff o rd ed u s by t i m e a n d k n ow l ed g e . A l l t h at n ow s e e m s so c ro w d ed a n d so l i d - o u r p h y s i c a l w o r l d , o u r c o m p l exi t i es , t h o u g h t s , fee l i n g s , e m o t i o n s- c an open i n to a re a l m o f i n fi n i t e p o s s i b i l i t i e s . F reed from t h e e n ervat i o n o f repe t i t i o n , we c a n fi n d o u r way to freed o m a n d i n v i t e g rea t e r k n ow l ed g e i n t o o u r w o rl d . O p e n t o t h e f l o w o f e x p e r i e n c e a n d t h e rhyt h m s of t i m e , we can free o u rselves of f r u s t rat i o n and pa i n , a n d l i ve w i t h a m i n d t h a t i s free. R e l y i n g u po n o u r i n h e r e n t rec e p t i v i ty t o k n ow l e d g e , w e c a n c reate a n e w m o d e l o f f re e d o m a n d p ro j e c t i t s i m a g e so powerfu l l y t h a t i t c a n overc o m e t h e d i v i s i ve forces at work i n t h e wo rl d . Perh a p s eve n t u a l l y w e co u l d o p e n w i d e t h e eyes of m i n d , a n d s t r e t c h t h e l i m i t s of o u r i m ag i n a t i o n , re-

Tim e to Cha nge

367

t u rn i n g to the zero po i n t of h u m an co n s c i o u s n ess, t h e po i n t o f a l l pote n t i a l i ty . W h at v i st a s m i g h t w e see, i f w e were to u n d e rs t a n d t h e fu l l power of t h e h u m a n m i n d ? The h u m a n co n s c i o u s n ess m ay prove t h e most i n s p i r i n g fro n t i e r i n o u r h i st o ry, a n e n d l ess we l l s p r i n g o f k n ow l edge, a n d o u r m e a n s of l i be ra t i o n from a l l l i m i t a t i o n s . Every s i t u a t i o n , every t h o u g h t o r co ncept t h at ap pears to be stag n a n t co u ld be a veh i c l e t o a greate r k n owi ng. Even p a i n a n d c o n f u s i o n c a n be o u r doorways to k nowl edge. By o pe n i n g up the c l o sed aspects of o u r expe r i e n c e t o t h e great e r k n ow i n g i n h ere n t w i t h i n o u r m i nds, w e c a n e n t e r i nt o a love a ff a i r w i t h k n o w l edge. W i t h k n ow l edge as o u r greatest f r i e n d , o u r s u p p o rter, and our w i t n ess, we c a n free o u rselves from a l l l i m i t at i o n s . We n eed n ever red u c e t h e q u a l i ty o f expe r i ence t o somet h i n g t h a t i s ' kn o w n ' . We c a n a p p rec i ate each moment w i t h i n t e rest and w o n d e r, in t u n e w i t h an u n fold i n g t h a t i s a l ways n ew. T h i s freedom b e l o n g s n a t u ra l ly t o the m i n d . S h i ft i n g a n d u n bo u nded, t h e m i n d , l i ke a v a s t ocea n , h a s grea t d e p t h a n d rest o r a t ive power. W aves a r i se o n t h e s u rface, t a k i ng m y r i ad form s- h i g h peaks a n d w h i te foa m , gen t l e r i p p l es a n d b u b b l e s , sp rays o f t i ny d ro ps. The boundaries of t h e d ro p l e t o r the w ave a re n o t r i g i d ; e a c h f o r m i s c o n t i n u a l ly c h a n g i ng, ever beco m i n g new i n a dyn a m i c c o n t i n u u m o f i n fi n i te pote n t i a l . Waves a r i s e ' i n to exi sten ce', e n d u re i n a c h a n g i n g fl u i d f o r m , a n d d i sappear. Y e t every form i s water, fl u i d a n d t r a n s p a re n t , u n fi xed a n d u n g ra s p a b l e . W i t h i n each t i n y d ro p l et i s con t a i n ed t h e deepest secrets of t h e ocea n . T h i s m a g i c a l p l ay o f t h e m i n d c o n t a i n s a l l possi b i l i t i es fo r growth a n d c h a n ge; i t s very n a t u re i s fl ex i b l e

368


a n d free. So free p e r h a ps, t h at we beco m e c o n f u sed a n d h as t e n to sta b i l i z e o u rs e l ves a n d o u r w o r l d . B u t e v e n o u r so l i d rea l m h o l d s a pote n t i a l t h at i s tru l y u n l i m i t ed . Every e n t i t y c o n t a i n s w o r l d s w i t h i n worl ds, p u l sa t i ng w i t h l i fe. No p o s i t i o n w e t a k e w i l l i m p r i s o n us fo rever, a l t h o u g h n o po s i t i o n w i l l ever b e a b l e to e n c o m pass t h e n at u ra l f l ex i b i l i ty a n d pot e n t i a l o f t h e m i n d . Yet we c a n l e a r n to m ove t h ro u g h experi e n c e l i k e a fish t h ro u g h water, an ac co m p l i sh ed d a n c er, o r a n eag l e s o a r i n g i n t h e sky. We c a n pass from u n d e rsta n d i n g to u n d e rstan d i n g, d e e pe n i n g a n d b road e n i n g o u r v i s i o n u n t i l w e re ach a freed o m f r o m a l l fixed po s i t i o n s, a t r a n s pa r e n t c l a ri t y based o n freed o m i t s e l f . V i ew i n g f re e d o m a s i n t r i n s i c t o o u r b e i n g , w e d i scover t h a t o u r l i ves a re w h at we m a ke t h e m . A l l o p t i o n s a re o p e n , o u r c h o i c e s u n l i m i t e d . W h e n w e h ave k n o w l ed ge , s p a c e g r a n t s u s u n bo u n d e d o p por t u n i ty, a n d t i m e p re s e n t s u s w i t h i n fi n i te poss i b i l i t i e s for c h a n g e .

I n d ex

ach ieve m e n t , 233

a p p rec i a t i o n , 232, 265

adol escence, 97-99

Arabs, 1 2

aggres s i o n , 40, 1 98

a rt i fi c i a l respon ses, 1 97

ag i t a t i o n , 71 , 21 2 , 21 4 , 254

A s i a, 1 2

relax i ng of, 220-221

a ss u m p t i o n s , 24, 80, 82

agri c u l t u re , 1 0

false, 1 67

a l i e n a t i o n , 201

q u est i o n i n g of, 1 67

a l te rn a t ives, -1 9 , 34, 5 2 , 68,

avo i d a n c e , 242

72, 1 61 , 1 62

awareness, 80, 81 , 1 67 , 276,

a m p h i b i a ns, 7

277 , 278, 3 1 6 , 338 , 357

a n ger, 1 98, 235

Aztecs, 1 2

a n i m a l s , 6, 7, 1 0 a n swers, 26

b a l a nc e o f n a t u re , 44

a n t i c i p a t i o n , 1 42 , 1 45 , 351

b a l a n c e of power, 51 , 66

a n x i ety, 26, 34, 93 , 1 65 ,

beau ty, s e n se of, 1 67

1 66, 21 4, 2 1 8 ff , 2 3 5 , 242

b e h av i o r , 1 72 , 1 77, 237,

fea r of, 2 1 8

305-306

so u rces of, 21 5

be l i efs, 1 41

372

Knowledge

of

Freedom

b i rt h , 93

c o m m i t m e n t s , 1 04, 1 39,

b l a m e , 232

1 96, 280

b l a m i n g oth ers, 1 98 body, 21 , 39, 77, 1 62 , 1 63 , 220, 304, 307 a n d p a i n , 240 c h a n ges i n , 1 70, 1 75 ,

c o m m u n i c at i o n , x i i i , 8, 1 3 , 40, 59, 80, 1 72 , 1 73 perso n a l a t t e m p t s a t , 1 08, 1 09 , 265, 294 c o m pari s o n s, 226

1 85 , 1 87

c o m p et i t i o n , 32, 47, 51 ,

effects of t e n s i o n o n ,

1 09, 225-232 , 267

21 3 ft

begi n n i n g of, 226

k n o w l edge o f , 1 58

exte n t of, 226

body/ m i n d re l at i o n sh i p , 21 9ft, 224 b re a t h a n d breat h i n g , 220-221 , 240 m i n d f u l n es s of, 221 - 222 b u rn - o u t , 1 09

h e a l i n g co n fl i c t o f , 233 m o m e n t u m of, 227, 228 s i d e-effects of, 227 c o m p et i t ive pressu res, 48, 96, 228 c o m p l a i n i n g, 1 08, 1 29 c o m p ro m i se, 1 03 co m p u l s ive act i v i ty,

catego r i e s , 1 61

21 5 -21 6

c h a n g e , 34, 3 5 , 36ft, 62,

c o m p u ter, 295, 344, 345

89ft , 1 03 , 1 32 , 1 59 , 1 60, 1 86,

c o n c ea l m e n t , 1 75

260, 299, 31 4 , 3 1 8 , 352, 360, 361 acce l e ra t i o n of, 39 i n exper i e n ces, 1 85 i n percept i o n s , 1 8 s u p p o rt for, 203

c o n ce n trat i o n , 1 61 , 1 63 , 1 65 , 280 co ncepts, 1 8 , 67, 77, 80, 21 4 , 220, 269 , 287ft, 303, 31 4 , 31 5 , 31 7 , 332

c h i l d h o o d , 95 ft, 1 71 ft,

c o n d i t i o n i n g , 67, 1 60, 1 61 ,

250, 252

1 64 , 1 67, 1 68ft, 1 79 , 1 82 ,

c h i l d re n , 1 05 , 1 1 4, 1 34 ,

202 , 237, 267, 290

1 39 , 1 65

c o n f i d e n ce, 1 43 , 1 61 -1 62 ,

Chi na, 1 2

1 65 , 1 67, 1 79 , 1 94

c h o ices, 1 62 , 1 78

c o n f l i c t of w i l l s, 61

c iv i l i za t i o n , 1 0, 1 1 , 1 2 ,

c o n fo r m i n g to expec

42, 63

t a t i o n s, 1 73 , 1 77

Tim e

to

Change

con form i n g to s t a n d ard s ,

d i s tra c t i o n s , 1 61

225, 227, 230

d og m a , 26

3 73

c o n f u s i o n , 1 9, 41 , 1 65 , 1 67 , 1 68, 1 69, 1 70, 1 72 , 1 79 , 200,

early f o r m s o f l i fe , 5

316

e d u c a t i o n , xxi, 48, 70, 96,

consc i o u s n ess, 2 5 , 68,

e m o t i o n a l d i s t ress, 34,

77-80, 93, 1 64, 1 67 , 1 68,

48, 70, 1 04 , 1 05 , 236, 299,

1 69 , 278, 280, 340, 349, 351 ,

305 , 306

353-357 , 360, 366, 367

re l i e f o f , 221

Const i tu t i o n , 48

e m o t i o n a l n u m b n ess, 21 7

c o n t e n t m e n t , 32

e m o t i o n a l respon ses, 1 79

c o n t ro l , 1 28, 236-237, 3 1 5 ,

e m o t i o n a l stress, 223

31 9, 322, 323

e m o t i o n s, 1 28, 1 65 , 203 ,

cooperat i o n , 234

204, 21 4, 254, 324, 346

c u l t i vat i o n , 1 0

c h a n ges i n , 1 75

cyc les, 9 , 1 0, 1 7 , 1 45 ,

o b se rvat i o n of, 222

1 84 , 1 87H, 229

e n e rgy, 76, 82, 99, 1 1 2 , 1 1 3 , 1 24 , 1 25 , 31 2 , 359

d e a t h , 20, 21 , 91 , 1 1 2 ,

e n v i ro n m e n t , 278, 341 , 350

1 1 5-1 1 7, 1 49-1 51 , 257, 322

e nv i ro n m en t a l i m ba l

d ecept i o n s , 1 67, 1 75 , 1 78,

a n ces, 43

1 99

et h i cs, 1 78

defe n s i ven ess, 1 99, 230

E u p h rates R iver, 1 0

d e s i res, 1 06, 1 1 1 , 1 24 , 1 26,

E u ro pe, 1 2

1 40, 1 65 , 1 87 , 237, 249H,

e xc i t a t i o n , 21 3 , 223

308, 309, 335

excuses, 1 95 , 232

d i ffi c u l t i es, 52

exi stence, 6

d i n osau rs, 7

expa n d i n g s i l ence, 222

d i rect i o n fo r l i fe, 1 78

exped i e n cy, 228

d i sappo i n t m e n t, 1 1 2, 1 24,

e x p e r i e n c e , 9, 1 6, 1 8, 26,

1 32 , 1 45 , 2 1 6 , 263 , 272, 336

1 42 , 1 49 , 1 69, 1 78, 1 99 , 21 7,

d i sco n te n t , 70

2 1 9 , 231 , 253, 254, 262 , 269,

d i ssati sfac t i o n , x i i , 31 H, 69,

291 , 295, 298, 3 1 0 , 3 1 4 , 305,

70, 95, 1 07, 1 30, 1 39 , 334,

3 1 6 , 31 8, 325, 349, 355, 366,

sou rces of, 21 5

366, 368


374

expe r i e n c e

( con tin ued)

q u a l i ty of, 21 2 , 21 3

345, 351 , 358 k n ow l ed ge of, 1 63

s h a r i n g of, 233 fa m i l y , 48, 50, 1 05 , 1 39 fa n t asy w o r l d , 95 , 1 1 7 , 1 34 , 250, 252 , 255 fear, 21 , 94 , 1 1 6, -1 42 , 1 51 , 1 72 , 1 75 , 1 77, 1 79 , 1 82 , 200, 227, 230, 235, 237 of fa i l u re , 237 fee l i n g , 224, 262 , 263 , 293 ,

gaps, 37, 1 1 2 g o a l s, 5 3 , 1 1 2 , 1 39 , 229, 234, 263 , 274 l o n g- ra n ge, 232 G o l d e n G at e B r i d ge, 31 good i n t e n t i o n s , 61 , 62 , 71 govern m e n t , 49 ' g reater good', 46

308

G reece, 1 2

fi re, 8, 1 3

gri d l oc k , 73

fi sh es, 7 free e n terprise, 4 5 , 46 f reedo m , xix-xx i , 26, 42 ff, 1 00, 260, 361 ff

growt h , stages o f , 1 69 ff, 1 84 g u i l t , 95, 1 27, 1 33 , 1 65 , 1 76, 2 1 8 , 21 9 , 238

att i t u des towards, xi i i i n d i vi d u a l , 43, 46, 1 05 , 281 , 337 i n n e r, 1 61 , 31 7 l i m i ta t i o n s o n , xx, 363-365 m e n ta l , 1 62

h a p p i n ess, 1 44, 1 65-1 66 health, l l l h eart, p ro tec t i o n of, 221 h eart beat , 220, 221

o f rel i g i o u s b e l i ef , 43

h e l p l essn ess, 1 71 , 1 80

of speech, 43, 50

h o pe , 62, 1 41

of t h o u g h t , 43 , 48

h o pe l es s ness, 69

p ro tect i o n of, xix, 43 s i d e - e ffec t s o f , 48 f r u st ra t i o n , 32, 45, 51 , 69, 70, 93 , 1 04, 1 27 , 1 66, 1 76, 1 77 , 256, 322, 336, 366 re l i ef o f, 221

H u a n g- po Val l ey, 1 0, h u m a n b e i ngs, 7-1 5 , 277, 303 , 353, 359 d e s t i n y of, 1 63 h i s t o ry o f , 26 n a t u re of, 303- 304

f u l fi l l m e n t , 1 39 , 1 42 , 230

o ri g i n s of, 1 63 , 303

f u t u re , 1 7, 1 9 , 50, 71 , 281 ,

sense o rga n s of, 7

Tim e

to

Ch ange

h u m a n pote n t i a l , 1 5 , 1 6 ,

i n s i g h t , 80-81

80, 1 62

i n sp i r a t i o n , 80, 81 , 1 67

waste of, 227 h u m a n r i g h t s , 42 h u m a n va l u e, 63 h u n t i n g a n d g a t h e r i n g , 8, 9 ' 1 ', 293 , 301 ft, 310ft, 3 1 8 ft i d eas, 26 i d e n t i ty, 98, 99 , 1 35 i m age, 1 1 4, 1 35 , 21 2 , 249, 250, 251 , 25 3 , 255, 256, 287,

375

i n s ta b i l i ty, 39 i n tegrity, 232 i n t e n t i o n a l i ty, 20 i n t e r p re t a t i o n s , 20, 21 i n t u i t i o n , 80 i nven t i o ns , 1 2 , 1 3 i so l a t i o n , 1 76, 201

j ea l o u sy, 1 72 , 1 98, 235, 321

297, 338

j u d g m e n t , 1 65

i m ba l a nces, 41

j u st i ce, 42

i m pe r m a n e n ce, 89 , 31 8 i n ad eq u acy, 1 72 , 1 73 , 227,

' k n ower', 77ft

234

k n o w i ng, 2 5 , 67ft, 290, 361

I ncas, 1 2

k n ow le d ge, xv-xxi i i , 8, 9, 1 1 ,

i n d ec i s i o n , 1 80

1 9, 2 3 , 35, 41 , 45 , 46, 5 3 , 64 ,

i n d epende nce, 226, 237

65 , 68ft, 72 , 73 , 74 , 75 , 1 67 ,

i n d i v i d u a l i s m , 53 i n d i v i d u a l i ty, 1 72 I n d us Val l ey, 1 0 i n fe r i o ri ty, 227

234, 259, 273, 274 , 275, 279, 280, 281 , 302 , 35 3 , 356, 358ft a l t e r n a t i v e a p p ro a c h towards, 77, 80, 82 as ' o b j ect', 69-71

i n n e r con fl i cts, 1 65

i nc o m p l et e n ess of,

i n n e r reso u rces, 1 66, 232 -233

1 1 , 1 7, 52

i n n e r s t re n g t h , 205

l ead i n g t o dest r u ct i o n , xix

l i m i t at i o n s o n , v i , 364 n eed for, 52, 1 64, 364 i n q u i ri n g m i n d , 1 67 i n q u i ry, bas i s of, 1 63

need f o r, 5 2 , 1 64, 364 object i ve , 78-80 of d e at h , 20 pass i n g o n , 1 1 sc i e n t i fi c , 1 2-1 3

i n sec u r i ty, 47, 98, 1 72 , 1 75 ,

s e l f i s h u ses of, 46

1 76, 1 79, 1 80, 200

s u bject i ve, 78-80

376

K n owledge of Freedom

l a n g u age, 8, 9, 1 3 , 1 8, 67,

m e n t a l c h anges, 1 85 , 1 87

75, 1 42 , 1 72 , 1 73 , 1 74 , 277,

m e n t a l c l a r i ty, xv, 1 61 , 241 ,

287ft, 31 7 , 348, 359, 362 a l l - e n co m pa s s i n g n at u re o f , xv i n h i s to ry , x i i i , xvi i i

220, 249, 290ft, 302ft, 332, 333, 337, 338, 340, 344ft, 354, 366-368 d u l l i n g of, 21 9

l i b r a r i es, 1 1 , 1 3

effect of ten s i o n o n ,

l i fe, 6, 1 4, 1 6 , 326

21 2 ft

i n t h e w o m b , 92

k n o w l ed g e of, 1 58

l i festy l e s, 3 7 , 49, 1 1 1 , 1 23 ft ,

m o d e l s , 34, 62 , 64

260

M o n go l s, 1 2

active, 260-262 aggressive 1 26-1 28 c r i t i c a l , 264-266 d ayd rea m i n g , 1 34-1 36, 262-264 easyg o i ng, 1 23-1 26 g o a l - o r i e n t ed , 266-268 of c o m p l a i n t , 1 30-1 34 of re s t ra i n t , 1 28-1 30 l o n e l i n es s , 1 29 , 1 33 , 201 l o s i ng d i rect i o n , 229 l o s t o pportu n i t i es , 202 m am mals, 7 m a n i p u l a t i o n , 9 5 , 1 03 , 1 77 , 237, 255 m a rtyr, 1 29 m a t e r i a l needs, 1 06 m e a n i ng, 287ft l a c k of, 1 73 m e m o r i e s , 1 69 , 251 , 262 , 268-273 , 298, 338 m e mo ry, 8, 20, 34, 71 , 90, 1 1 6 , 1 25 , 250

m o ral a n d e t h i c a l c o n s e n s u s , 48, 49 m o t i o n , 297, 345 m o t ivat i o n , 1 47 l o ss of, 1 80 n egat i ve e m o t i o n s , 241 -243 n e ga t i ve feel i n gs, 1 77, 242 n egat i ve patterns, 1 65 , 1 69 , 1 76, 1 78, 1 79 revers i n g, 1 81 , 1 82 n egat ive vi ews, 1 70 n eg a t i v i ty, 1 65 , 1 67, 1 76 n e u t ra l s e e i n g , 241 n e u t ra l sensi ng, 221 N i le, 10 o b l i g a t i o n , 1 77 , 1 78, 237 o l d age, l l l ft, 257, 272, 273 o p p o rt u n i t i es, 3 5 , 1 88 o rd e r, 1 67 overst i m u l a t i o n , 21 2 , 21 3

Time

to

Cha nge

pa i n , 1 23 , 1 25 , 1 66, 1 67,

perso n a l i ty, 1 72 , 1 75 ,

1 69, 1 70, 235 -243 , 272

1 77 , 1 80

avo i d a n ce of, 2 1 6 , 236, 238 cycl e s o f , 238 detac h m e n t f ro m , 242 emot i o n a l , 1 80, 235 fear of, 236, 243

p h i l o s o p h y , x i i , 42 person a l , 35 p h o b i a s , 21 9 p h y s i c a l act i v i ty, 21 5 p h y s i c a l d i sc o m fo rt, 236

i n t e r n a l d y n a m i c of,

p hy s i c a l exh a u s t i o n , 21 7

236, 240-241

p hy s i c a l fi t ness, 21 5

observ a t i o n o f, 241

p l e a s u re , 21 5 , 21 7

p h y s i ca l , 235

p o l a r i t i es, 73

protec t i o n f ro m , 239-243 re l at i o n s h i p to t h o u gh t , 240-241

p o l a r i z a t i o n , 51 possess i o n s, attac h m e n t t o , 322-323

rel i e f of, 239-243

power, 39, 280, 345, 357

respo n s i b i l i ty for, 242

p re d i s p os i t i o n s, 1 68

so u rces of, 235, 239

377

p re s e n t , 1 6, 1 8, 21 , 2 2 , 71 ,

past, 1 7-1 9, 37, 1 1 7,

271 , 291

270, 271

pressu re, 31 , 47, 74, 21 5 ff, 236

l earn i n g f ro m , xvi i-xix

b a l a n c i n g o f, 237

patte rn i n g, 1 66

c o m p e t i t i ve, 2 1 6 , 2 2 5 ff

patterns, x i i i , xvi i i , 8, 1 8,

re l i ef of, 221 , 240-241

1 9 , 34-35, 62 , 68, 71 , 1 66,

p ret e n se, 1 65

1 88, 202 , 203 , 292, 295, 342,

p r i o r i t i es, 35

345 , 354, 355, 362, 365, 366 m a n i pu l a t ive, 1 73 reversi ng, 1 43 , 1 82

pro b l e m - so lvi n g process, 44, 70 p ro b l e m s , 43, 45, 49 , 59,

percep t i o n , 69 , 1 1 1 , 224,

61 , 1 31 , 1 63 , 279

237, 31 4, 342 , 346, 349, 350,

p rogress, 32, 42 ff, 60

356

s i d e e ffects of, 52

perce p t u a l patterns, 69

projec t i o n s, 201

percept u a l p rocess, 21 1 ,

prosperi ty, 32, 43 , 46

331

p ro t ec t i o n , 1 76

perfect i b i l i t y o f m a n , 42

p u rpo se, 35, 279

378

K n o wledge o f Freedom

q u est i o n i n g p rocess,

res p o n s e to bea u ty, 1 57

x i i i , 34, 5 2 , 66, 83, 1 47 , 1 67 ,

resp o n se s , 1 99

292, 298

respo n s i b i l i ty, xx i , xxi i , 62,

q u est i o n s , x i i , 2 3 ff, 65 ,

65, 1 25 , 1 77 , 1 96, 237, 278,

7 5 , 1 33 , 259, 260

280, 281 res t l e s s ness, 21 3 , 21 4

rac i n g aga i n st t e n s i o n ,

rest ra i n t , 49

21 6-21 7

ro l e m od e l s , 1 78

rac i n g aga i n s t t i m e, 2 1 7

r o l es, 1 05 , 1 1 0, 1 93 , 230,

ra t i o n a l m i n d , 1 6, 69,

232, 233

81 , 347

r u n n e r's d i l e m ma, 21 7

rat i o n a l i ty , 81

r u n n i n g, 21 7

ra t i o n a l i z a t i o n s, 1 94-1 95 , 201 reactive t e n d e n cy , 71 - 73 red u c t i o n o f , 221 r e l a t i o n sh i p to t e n s i o n , 222 rea l i ty , 347-349 reaso n s , 81 -82 reg r e t s , 1 50 rej ec t i o n , 234, 255, 321 r e l a t i o n s h i ps, 1 04 , 1 05 ,

s a t i sfact i o n , 33 sc i e nce, 1 2 , 42 , 354 sec u ri ty, 40, 1 65 self, 69, 70, 75, 1 35, 1 37, 1 97 - b l a m e , 1 80, 1 95-1 96, 205 , 238 -co m pass i o n , 205 -co n fi d ence, 1 1 6, 1 74, 1 75

1 1 0, 1 1 3, 1 33

- c o n tro l , 237

r e l axa t i o n , 1 65 , 21 5 , 2 1 6 ,

-decept i o n s, 201

220ff

-depreca t i o n , 227

m e t h o d s of, 21 9 ,

- d o u bts, 1 72ff, 1 80, 227

221 -224

-ed u cat i o n , 1 66

rel i g i o n , 1 41 re l i g i o u s t rad i t i o n s , 42 re n a i ss a n c e , 1 2 , 365

- e s t e e m , 229 - i m age, 1 28, 1 29 , 1 69 , 1 78, 1 79, 1 80, 1 92 ff, 200, 227, 236, 237, 31 6, 321 , 325

rep t i l es, 7

- i m po rt a n c e , 1 72 , 236

rese n t m e n t , 1 27 , 1 31 , 1 98,

- i m posed l i m i t a t i o n s,

321

i i , 1 80

Time

to Change

- i m prove m e n t , 1 59

s h i ft s i n s e n se of t i m e ,

- i n terest, 46, 203

1 85-1 86

- k nowledge, 1 43 , 1 66 ,

s i b l i n g riva l ry, 1 72

243 - o bserva t i o n , 1 81 , 203-204, 310-313 - p rotec t i o n , 1 95 , 229, 232, 236

s i l e n t m u s i c , 224 s oc i a l stru c t u re, 1 0 soci ety, 41 , 42, 49, 60, 1 24 s peec h , 7, 8

- re l i ance, 226

s p i r i t u a l g rowt h , 42, 1 24

- t r u st, 232

s p i ri t u a l trad i t i o n s, 80

- u n d e rst a n d i n g, 1 65 , 1 67

s p i r i t u a l val u es, 63

-va l u e, 232

379

stab i l i ty, 1 4 , 50

-wort h , 232

s t i m u l a t i o n s , 1 61 , 2 1 2 ft,

s e n sa t i o n , 224 sense i m p res s i o n s, 21 1 , 31 1 ft sense of co m m u n ity, 49 sen ses, 7, 21 , 69 , 76, 78, 21 1 , 21 2 , 250, 261 , 331 , 332, 340, 355 a t t ract i o n t o st i m u l a t i o n , 237, 31 1 d u l l i n g of t h e , 1 1 5 , 21 8, 21 9 i n n e r o pe rat i o n of, 220

241 , 255, 351 ad d i c t i o n to, 21 3 h e i g h ten i n g i n t e n s i ty of, 21 3 , 254 s t rategies, 1 23 ft s t ress, 39, 47, 90, 21 2, 2 1 6, 218, 219 p rotect i o n fro m , 221 s t ri v i n g, 21 5, 231 s u bj ect i v i ty , 78 s u ff e r i n g , 44, 64, 1 57, 1 64,

relaxat i o n of, 223

1 66, 1 67

response to p a i n , 238

symbols, 8

s u b t l e aspect of, 220 s e n so ry aware n ess, 224

t ec h no l ogy, 1 0, 1 2, 36, 38,

sen sory p l easu re, 1 58, 224

44ft, 51 , 53, 63 , 68, 304, 343

separate o bserver, 69 , 76 separate se l f,

72

separat i o n , 51 , 69, 81 , 94, 1 63, 1 65, 236, 342 , 364 fear of, 1 72 , 1 80 s h i f t s i n o r i e n tat i o n , 1 85

t e n s i o n , 72, 73, 1 07, 1 66, 1 87, 21 1 ft, 228 avo i d a n c e of, 21 6 cyc l e s of, 214, 222 f u n d a m e n ta l , 2 1 1 h e i g h t e n i n g of, 21 62 1 7 , 255


380

tension

( co n tin ued)

t ra n s i t i o n , p e r i o d s of, 1 70

m o n i t o rs of, 220

t r u s t , 1 66, 1 76, 1 96

re l i e f of, 221 -223

T u rks, 1 2

res i d u a l , 21 2 t r a n sform i n g, 21 9 t h o u g h ts, 1 08, 21 2, 21 4, 223, 224, 281 , 287, 292ff, 31 2, 332, 339, 342 , 346, 361 , 364

u n c e r t a i n ty, 22, 39, 1 64 , 1 74 , 1 75 , 235 , 358-360 u n i ve rse, 1 4 , 76, 301 , 359 u rban com m u n i t i es, 1 0

observ i ng, 204, 205 , 222-223

val u es, 37, 67, 1 00, 1 72 ,

T i g r i s R i ve r, 1 0

1 78, 232

t i m e , 1 4, 1 6ff, 35, 39, 76,

v i s i o n , 1 9, 53, 80, 228, 229,

81 , 89ff, 1 1 3 , 1 91 , 257, 280,

232 , 234, 277, 279, 280, 353

359, 360, 366, 36 attem pts to m a n i p u l ate, 21 e n e rgy of, 20 i n a b i l i ty to pred i c t f u t u re, 20 i m p l i c a t i o n s of, 21 l i m i t a t i o n s o f, 1 98 pressu res o f, 1 86

w i n n i n g, 228, w o rl d , 50, 1 65 , 278, 280, 281 , 291 , 302, 304, 31 7 , 323, 341 , 354, 357, 358, 362 w o r l d l e a d e rs , 39, 65-66 yearn i n g, 1 38ff, 262 , 263

T h e sy m b o l i n a n c i e n t Lan tsa scri pt o n t h e preced i n g page s pe l l s t h e S a n s k rit word Ja ya n tu. I t s i g n i fi es vic tory and expresses t h e w i s h that all people be tru ly free.

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