Know All About Manners & Etiquettes: a Comprehensive Guide on the Subject

Know all About

Manners &

Etiquettes

"This page is Intentionally Left Blank"

Know aU About

Manners &

Etiquettes A Comprehensive Guide on the Subject

Ram Partap Verma

ABHISHEK PUBLICATIONS CHANDIGARH-17

All rights reserved.No part of this book may be reproduced, translated or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher/copyright owner.

ISBN :978-81-82472-66© Publisher 2 First Edition: 2009 Published by Abhishek Publications SCO 57-59, Sector 17-C, CHANDIGARH-17 Ph.: 0172-707562, Fax: 2707562 e-mail: [email protected] www.abhishekpub1ications.com Printed at: Shiva Offset Press, Naveen Shahadra,Delhi

Contents Preface l. Introduction

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1

2. Work Etiquette

22

3. Interview Etiquette

35

4. Table Manners

49

5. Drinking

80

6. Conversation

96

7. Advice for Modem Women

140

8. Advice for Modem Men

153

9. Salutations of Courtesy

167

10. Modem Dating

190

II. The Hip Funeral

193

12. Men's and Women's Clothes

218

13. Sports Manners

246

14. Travel Etiquette

254

"This page is Intentionally Left Blank"

Preface Etiquette is a code of behavior that influences expectations for social behavior according to contemporary conventionall1orms within a society, social class, or group. Rules of etiquette are usually unwritten, but aspects of etiquette have been codified from time to time. Rules of etiquette encompass most aspects of social interaction in any society, though the term itself is not commonly used. A rule of etiquette may reflect an underlying ethical code, or it may reflect a person's fashion or status. Manners involve a wide range of social interactions within cultural norms as in the "comedy of manners", or a painter's characteristic "manner". Etiquette' and manners, like mythology, have buried histories especially when they seem to have little obvious purpose, and their justifications as logical ("respect shown to others" etc.) may be equally revealing to the social historian. ,Manners constitute the language in which the biography of every individual is written. There is no one subject of today which embodies more practical interest to people in general, than a knowledge of the rules, usages and ceremonies of good society. A lack of this knowledge is felt by almost every individual, whether in the city or country, at horne or abroad. The politeness is not a code of superficial rules, arranged and trimmed up for particular occasions, and then set aside at our pleasure. Like "culture", it is a word that has gradually grown plural, especially in a multi-ethnic society with many clashing expectations. Thus, it is now possible to refer to "an etiquette" or "a culture", realizing that these may not

viii be universal. In Britain, though, the word etiquette has its roots in the eighteenth century, becoming a universal force in the nineteenth century to the extent that it has been described as the one word that aptly describes life during the reign of Queen Victoria. Wearing pajamas to a wedding in a cathedral may indeed be an expression of the guest's freedom, but also may cause the bride and groom to suspect that the guest in pajamas is expressing amusement, disparagement, or disrespect towards them and their wedding. Etiquette may be enforced in pragmatic ways: "No shoes, no shirt, no service" is a notice commonly displayed outside stores and cafes in the warmer parts of North America. Others feel that a single, basic code shared by all makes life simpler and more pleasant by removing many chances for misunderstandings and by creating opportunities for courtesy and mutual respect. The very perfection of elegance is to imitate nature; how much better to have the reality than the imitation. Anxiety about the opinions of others always fetters our freedom and tends to awkwardness. We would always appear well if we never tried to assume what we do not possess. The grand secret of never-failing propriety of good manners and culture is to have an intention of always doing right. There are persons who seem to possess the instinct of courtesy to so high a degree as to require no instruction or practice in order to be perfectly polite, easy and graceful.

Author

About the Book Etiquette is a code of behavior that influences expectations for social behavior according to contemporary conventional norms within a society, social class, or group. Rules of etiquette are usually unwritten, but aspects of etiquette have been codified from time to time. Rules of etiquette encompass most aspects of social interaction in any society, though the term itself is not commonly used. A rule of etiquette may reflect an underlying ethical code, or it may reflect a person's fashion or status. Manners involve a wide range of social interactions within cultural norms as in the "comedy of manners", or a painter's characteristic "manner". Etiquette and manners, like mythology, have buried histories especially when they seem to have little obvious purpose, and their justifications as logical ("respect shown to others" etc.) may be equally revealing to the social historian. Manners constitute the language in which the biography of every individual is written. There is no one subject of today which embodies more practical interest to people in general, than a knowledge of the rules, usages and ceremonies of good society. A lack of this knowledge is felt by almost every individual, whether in the city or country, at home or abroad. The politeness is not a code of superficial rules, arranged and trimmed up for particular occasions, and then set aside at our pleasure. Like" culture", it is a word that has gradually grown plural, especially in a multi-ethnic society with many clashing expectations. Thus, it is now possible to refer to "an etiquette" or "a culture", realizing that these may not

x

be universal. In Britain, though, the word etiquette has its roots in the eighteenth century, becoming a universal force in the nineteenth century to the extent that it has been described as the one word that aptly describes life during the reign of Queen Victoria. Wearing pajamas to a wedding in a cathedral may indeed be an expression of the guest's freedom, but also may cause the bride and groom to suspect that the guest in pajamas is expressing amusement, disparagement, or disrespect towards them and their wedding. Etiquette may be enforced in pragmatic ways: "No shoes, no shirt, no service" is a notice commonly displayed outside stores and cafes in the warmer parts of North America. Others feel that a single, basic code shared by all makes life simpler and more pleasant by removing many chances for misunderstandings and by creating opportunities for courtesy and mutual respect. The very perfection of elegance is to imitate nature; how much better to have the reality than the imitation. Anxiety about the opinions of others always fetters our freedom and tends to awkwardness. We would always appear well if we never tried to assume what we do not possess. The grand secret of never-failing propriety of good manners and culture is to have an intention of always doing right. There are persons who seem to possess the instinct of courtesy to so high a degree as to require no instruction or practice in order to be perfectly polite, easy and graceful.

Chapter 1

Introduction Manners and Etiquette go hand in hand, but are not the same. Etiquette is a set of rules dealing with exterior form. Manners are an expression of inner character. According to Emily Post, perhaps the most influential American writer on etiquette in the twentieth century, "manners are made up of trivialities of deportment which can be easily learned if one does not happen La know them; manner is personality-the outward manifestation of one's innate character and attitude toward. life." M,;nners are common sense, a combination of generosity of spirit and specific know-how. Rules of etiquette are the guiding codes that enable us to practice manners. Most commentators would agree with Emily Post and .add that rather than being stiff, rigid rules, proper etiquette is meant to help people get along with each other and avoid conflict. Respect, kindness, and consideration form the basis of good manners and good citizen-ship. Etiquette becomes the language of manners. Rules of etiquette cover behaviour in talking, acting, living, and moving; in other words, every type of interaction and every situation. Proper codes of behaviour have been a concern for thousands of years. The first known book on appropriate behaviour was a guide that Ptah-hotep, a government official in Egypt in 2500 B.C., wrote for his son. Several Greeks and Romans wrote behaviour guides, including Aristotle, Horace, Cicero, and Plutarch. In thirteenth-century Europe, the chivalric

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Introduction ~ I~---------------------------------code established precisely and minutely the proper behaviour for knights regarding the Christian church, their country, and the treatment of women. During the reign of Louis XIV (1638-1715) in France, the term "etiquette" came into use. Based on the French word "ticket," which denoted the proper paths for nobility to follow in the gardens of the palace of Versailles, the rules of etiquette came to provide a daily, very precise list of functions related to times, places, and proper dress and behaviour. Thus, proper etiquette came to be associated with the upper classes and those trying to emulate their behaviour. Nevertheless, proper manners were a concern even of leaders in the more democratic society of eighteenth-century America. At age fourteen, George Washington transcribed his own "Rules of Civility." William Penn published collections of maxims on personal and social conduct. Benjamin Franklin's very popular Poor Richard's Almanac was full of comments on proper behaviour. During the nineteenth century, hundreds of books on etiquette were published in the United States. These were designed for the common person and schoolchildren as well as the upper classes. One of the most popular, which has survived to the twenty-first century, is the Youth's Educator for Home and Society, published in 1896, which covered a wide variety of situations, including the usual-parties, traveling, weddings, parents and children, letter writing, and personal hygiene-but also, cycling. As society has changed, so have rules for proper behaviour. After World War I (1914-1918), society became more open as roles of women began to change. Many believed that proper manners would become less important. In 1922, Emily Post published the most popular book on etiquette for society, business, politics, and home and family. Her book became the model for thousands of others since then. The sixteenth edition of Etiquette was published in 1997. Instead of decrying the lack of etiquette among Americans, Post applauded their youthful enthusiasm and

Introduction

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sought only to refine it. She claimed that improvements in taste in home decoration were evidence of progress. She also pointed out other examples of improvements; for instance, unlike earlier times, weddings no longer had to be set by noon for fear that the bridegroom would no longer be sobre after that hour. There are still many writers on etiquette and manners. Some of the most popular include Miss Manners, or Judith Martin, who presents her comments in several types of media; Letitia Baldridge, who was particularly influential during the late 1900s; Sue Fox, who joined the" dummies" series with her Etiquette for Dummies (1999); and Emily Post's great granddaughter-inlaw, Peggy Post. THE PRESENT

Many manners commentators agree that although society and manners changed before World War II (19391945), the changes since then have amounted to nearly a revolution, and writers have created etiquette rules for the new situations. One way to describe the difference is that rules of etiquette are no longer for how to behave properly in a restricted society, but to provide knowledge of ways to put others at ease. Few people now have to deal with servants, mansions, or elaborate entertainment, but they still have to deal with difficult or unknown situations in business or the community. American society has also become much less formal. One simple yet indicative example of the change is the proper greeting. Instead of the formal "How do you.do," "hello" is now considered appropriate. Also, earlier it was not considered proper for a girl or woman to walk alone. Etiquette delineated when she should be accompanied by a woman her age, by an older woman, or by a man. Today, the advice not to walk alone would be a safety concern. Probably the greatest change since the 1960s has been in the relationship between men and women toward greater equality. Lord Chesterfield once declared that no

Introduction

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provocation whatever could justify any man not being civil to any woman. "It was due them and the only protection women had against a man's superior strength." Men are no longer expected to protect women in every instance; rather, they are to treat them equally and with the consideration due every person. However, as folk singer Joan Baez is credited with saying, "If I have a baby in one arm and a guitar in the other, I'm not going to say no to a man who offers to open the door for me." There are etiquette books and Web sites for nearly every subject imaginable. The arena of most concern appears to be the proper manners and etiquette for weddings. A large bookstore may carryover 200 titles related to wedding planning, the event, and the honeymoon. Other titles reflect changes in American society and cover everything: singles in the city, all sports (not just cycling), proper computer "netiquette" and use of cellphones, and multicultural situations. The coverage demonstrates the changes in society but also demonstrates the continued concern about how to behave appropriately. As many people believe, good manners may be dead, but certainly the curiosity and concern about rules of etiquette are alive and well. Etiquette is a code of behaviour that influences expectations for social behaviour. according to contemporary conventional norms within a society, social class, or group. Rules of etiquette are usually unwritten, but aspects of etiquette have been codified from time to time. Rules of etiquette encompass most aspects of social interaction in any society, though the term itself is not commonly used. A rule of etiquette may reflect an underlying ethical code, or it may reflect a person's fashion or status. Like culture", it is a word that has gradually grown plural, especially in a multi-ethnic society with many clashing expectations. Thus, it is now possible to refer to etiquette" or "a culture", realizing that these may not be II

Introduction

Is

universal. In Britain, though, the word etiquette has its roots in the eighteenth century, becoming a universal force in the nineteenth century to the extent that it has been described as the one word that aptly describes life during the reign of Queen Victoria. As a leader, many times we find ourselves in very public situations. In these cases, we must carry ourselves with the utmost diplomacy and tact. To do so, portrays a positive and professional image to your audience. Knowing how to interact with a myriad of different people and in different situations is key important when being a leader. To learn the ins and outs of etiquette can sometimes be very tricky, but with a little practice even the most difficult situation can be navigated with ease. Lesson Objectives By the end of the lesson, learners will: • Understand some basic manner rules. • Describe the different codes of dress. • Understand the rules of communications etiquette including phone, cell phone and email. • Describe various rules for dining etiquette.

LESSON CONTENT Someone once told me that a leader must live their life in a fishbowl, their every move on display. For that reason, and many others, it is important for leaders to understand and practice, some simple rules of etiquette. It isn't about knowing with which fork to eat your salad, though that is important on some level. It is more about showing that you care about others, how you treat them and how you make them feel.

SOME BASICS TO REMEMBER These are some good rules of thumb to put into practice in everyday situation in which you may find yourself: • Open doors for others and them to enter first. If you are entering a door and someone is behind you, hold the door until the person behind can

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Introduction

grab it. If someone holds the door for you, say "thank you". • Always greet someone when they come to meetings, conferences, etc. If you are a guest somewhere, be pleasant and introduce yourself to people. Whether at home or elsewhere, always pick up after yourself. • Wait your turn and do not interrupt other people when they are speaking. • Be a good sport. Win graciously, LOSE MORE GRACIOUSL Yl • Take compliments well. Say "thank you", and avoid putting yourself down or pointing out flaws. • When people do things differently from you be respectful of those differences. Guidelines To Live By: • Anything which is used by a number of persons should be replaced in its original place after use. Replace it in the same place from where one has taken it so that someone else does not have to search for it when required. • Having used an item, e.g. a chair, do not leave it in the way or in a place where it becomes an obstacle for others. • When giving someone an item, do not throw it at him from a distance but give it to him in his hand. • When passing something to another whether it be heavy, hot, a liquid or food, do not pass it over someone's head as it may accidentally slip out of one's hands. • If a needle becomes stuck in cloth while sewing, do not pull it out with your teeth. It may break and hurt you. • Do not leave a needle or any sharp or dangerous items on chair or bed. Somebody may sit or lay on it. • Do not pick one's teeth with a needle or knife. This is extremely dangerous.

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Check how many of these guidelines are you already following. Do not suddenly lift a stone which has been lying in the same spot for some time. Perhaps a scorpion, etc., may be hiding there under. Do not throw peels or any other harmful objects in the pathway or road. Before lying down to sleep, dust the bedding with a cloth. Sometimes harmful insects settle in the blankets. After having eaten, do not leave without having the food removed first. It is disrespectful to leave the food and to move away. First, send the food away then get up. The crumbs and left over food that cannot be eaten should not be thrown into trash. Birds and animals can eat such food. Put it in a place where animals and birds may eat from it. Do not throwaway a lighted match. First extinguish it. Do not leave a burning lamp unattended at home. If no one is present, extinguish it. When handling dangerous items such as a burning can of 'boiling water, hot oil, etc., be very careful. (Some people are in the careless habit of leaving a cup of hot tea or water at edge of the table. A small child may grab it and spill the boiling contents on himself. Sometimes women are in the careless and dangerous habit of leaving cooking utensils with their handles protruding from stoves. A person passing by may knock against the handle and spill the contents with grave consequences. Translators) Do not purchase unnecessary crockery or utensils. This is wasteful. Always keep a stock of essential medicines at home.

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On a journey 'do not eat foods offered by a stranger. On a journey do not accept the responsibility of caring for the goods or anything left by strangers nor undertake to deliver any letter or parcel for them. Take additional money with you on a journey. If you are in debt, then remember to settle the debt by paying whatever you can. Do not give such large loans which will put you into difficulties in the event of non-payment. Do not use medicine without it having been prescribed by a qualified physician. Safeguard and treat with care an object which you have borrowed. After use, return it immediately. Do not wait for the owner to request the return of the item. Do not use the articles of others without their permission. To do so is sinful. However, if someone has committed this sin of removing the item, he should return the item to its original place so that the owner experiences no difficulty locating it. Have a fixed place for your things. Always replace them in their current place after use. Do not lift very heavy objects. Many people suffer life-long ailments and physical dislocation as a result of having lifted very heavy burdens in their younger days. In this regard women should exercise exceptional care. Do not throw anything, e.g. a pebble, in jest. It may strike someone in the eye or hurt another. If you have to pass in a gathering and you have a sharp instrument with you, keep the point or sharp edge down, covered or concealed to avoid any accidental injury to anyone. Even in jest do not point a sharp instrument to anyone. This is dangerous and forbidden.

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Do not give an open knife in someone's hand. Place it down so that he may lift it himself If a person is hard pressed and offers an item for sale, do not take aclvantage of his situation to acquire the article at a ridiculously low price. Either aid him or purchase it at a fair price. Do not cut down a tree which provides shade and rest for people or animals, especially if the tree is not one's property. By doing so, people and animals are put to difficulty. This results in azab (divine punishment). The thawab (Divine reward) for giving people insignificant items such as salt or a match to light the fire with is as much as the thawab one can obtain by preparing a complete meal for another. Giving a chink of water to someone in a place where w/ater is available in abundance is the equivalent in thawaab of having emancipated a slave. Giving water in a place where water is scarce is equal in thawaab to reviving a dead person. Do not sit with part of your body in the sun and part in the shade. Do not sleep on your stomach. When a morsel of food falls from your hand, pick it lJP, clean it and eat it. Do not discard it out of pride. Food is the blessing from Allah Ta'ala. Respect it and be grateful.

MANNERS Manners involve a wide range of social interactions within cultural norms as in the "comedy of manners", or a painter's characteristic "manner". Etiquette and manners, like mythology, have buried histories especially when they seem to have little obvious purpose, and their justifications as logical ("respect shown to others" etc.) may be equally revealing to the social historian. In America, the notion of

-un~

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etiquette, being of French origin and arising from practices at the court of Louis XIV, is occash,mally disparaged, especially by those unfamiliar with etiquette's social foundations and functions, as old-fashioned or elite, a Likecode concerned only with apparently remote directives such as "which fork to use". Some such individuals consider etiquette to be an unnecessary restriction of freedom of personal expression; others consider such a philosophy to be espoused only by the unschooled, the unmannerly and the rude. For instance, wearing pajamas to' a wedding in a cathedral may indeed be an expression of the guest's freedom, but also may cause the bride and groom to suspect that the guest in pajamas is expressing amusement, disparagement, or disrespect towards them and their wedding. Etiquette may be enforced in pragmatic ways: "No shoes, no shirt, no service" is a notice commonly displayed outside stores and cafes in the warmer parts of North America. Others feel that a single, basic code shared by all makes life simpler and more pleasant by removing many chances for misunderstandings and by creating opportunities for courtesy and mutual respect. In sociology, manners are the unenforced standards of conduct which show the actor to be cultured, polite, and refined. They are like laws in that they codify or set a standard for human behaviour, but they are unlike laws in that there is no formal system for punishing transgressions, other than social disapproval. They are a kind of norm. What is considered "mannerly" is highly susceptible to change with time, geographical location, social stratum, occasion, and other factors. That manners matter is evidenced by the fact that large books have been written on the subject, advice columns frequently deal with questions of mannerly behaviour, and that schools have existed for the sole purpose of teaching manners. A lady is a term frequently used for a woman who follows proper manners; the term gentleman is used as a

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male counterpart; though these terms are also often used for members of a particular social class.

CULTURAL DIFFERENCES Etiquette is dependent on culture; what is excellent etiquette in one society may shock another. Etiquette evolves within culture. The Dutch painter Andries Both shows that the hunt for head lice (illustration, right), which had been a civilized grooming occup~tion in the early Middle Ages, a bonding experience tnat reinforced the comparative rank of two people, one groomed, one groomer, had become a peasant occupation by 1630. The painter portrays the familiar operation matter-of-factly, without the disdain this subject would have received in a nineteenth-century representation. \ Etiquette can vary widely between different cultures and nations. In China, a person who takes the last item of food from a common plate or bowl without first offering it to others at the table may be seen as a glutton and insulting the generosity of the host. In America a guest is expected to eat all of the food given to them, as a compliment to the quality of the cooking. Etiquette is a topic that has occupied writers and thinkers in all sophisticated societies for millennia, beginning with a behaviour code by Ptahhotep, a vizier in ancient Egypt's Old Kingdom during the reign of the Fifth Dynasty king Djedkare Isesi (ca. 2414-2375 B.C.). All known literate civilizations, including ancient Greece and Rome, developed rules for proper social conduct. Confucius included rules for eating and speaking along with his more philosophical sayings. Early modern conceptions of what behaviour identifies a "gentleman" were codified in the sixteenth century, in a book by Baldassare Castiglione, Il Cortegiano (liThe Courtier"); its codification of expectations at the Este court remained in force in its essentials until World War I. Louis XIV established an elaborate and rigid court ceremony, but distinguished himself from the high bourgeoisie by

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continuing to eat, stylishly and fastidiously, with his fingers. An important book about etiquette is Galatea, avera de' costumi by Monsignor Giovanni della Casa; in fact, in Italian, etiquette is generally called galatea (or etichetta or protocollo). In the UK, Debrett's is considered by many to be the arbiter of etiquette; their guides to manners and form have long been the last word among polite society. . Traditional publications such as Correct Farm have recently been updated to reflect contemporary society, and new titles Etiquette for Girls and Manners for Men act as guides for those who want to combine a modern lifestyle with traditional values. In the American colonies Benjamin Franklin and George Washington wrote codes of conduct for young gentlemen. The immense popularity of advice columns and books by Letitia Baldrige and Miss Manners shows the currency of this topic. Even more recently, the rise of the Internet has necessitated the adaptation of existing rules of conduct to create Netiquette, which governs the drafting of email, rules for participating in an online forum, and so on. In Germany, there is an "unofficial" code of conduct, called the Knigge, based on a book of high rules of conduct written by Adolph Freiherr Knigge in the late 18 th century entitled exactly Uber den Umgang mit Menschen (On Human Relations). The code of cond uct is still highly respected in Germany today and is used primarily in the higher society. Etiquette may be wielded as a social weapon. The outward adoption of the superficial mannerisms of an in-group, in the interests of social advancement rather than a concern for others, is considered by many a form of snobbery, lacking in virtue. POLITENESS Politeness is best expressed as the practical application of good manners or etiquette. It is a culturally defined phenomenon, and what is considered polite in one culture can often be quite rude or simply strange in another. While

Introduction

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the goal of politenes is to make all of the parties relaxed and comfortable with one another, these culturally defined standards at times may be manipulated to inflict shame on a designated party. The British social anthropologists Penelope Brown and Stephen Levinson identified two kinds of politeness, deriving from Erving Goffman's concept of face: • Negative politeness: Making a request less infringing, such as "If you don't mind ... " or "If it isn't too much trouble ... "; respects a person's right to act freely. In other words, deference. There is a greater use of indirect speech acts. • Positive politeness: Seeks to establish a positive relationship between parties; respects a person's need to be liked and understood. Direct speech acts, swearing and flouting Grice's maxims can be considered aspects of positive politeness because: - They show an awareness that the relationship is strong enough to cope with what would normally be considered impolite (in the popular understanding of the term); - They articulate an awareness of the other person's values, which fulfils the person's desire to be accepted. Some cultures seem to prefer one of these kinds of politeness over the other. In this way politeness is culturallybound. Techniques to show politeness: • Expressing uncertainty and ambiguity through hedging and indirectness. • Polite lying • Use of euphemism (which make use of ambiguity as well as connotation) • Preferring tag questions to direct statements, such as "You were at the store, weren't you? - Modal tags request information of which the speaker is uncertain. "You didn't go to the store yet, did you?"

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• Affective tags indicate concern for the listener. "You haven't been here long, have you?" - Softeners reduce the force of what would be a brusque demand. "Hand me that thing, could you?" - Facilitative tags invite the addressee to comment on the request being made. "You can do that, can't you?" Some studies have shown that women are more likely to use politeness formulas than men, though the exact differences are not clear. Most current research has shown that gender differences in politeness use are complex, since there is a clear association between politeness norms and the stereotypical speech of middle class white women, at least in the UK and US. It is therefore unsurprising that women tend to be associated with politeness more and their linguistic behaviour judged in relation to these politeness norms. Thus, if a woman is seen to be impolite, this might be seen as a greater offence than if a male were seen to be impolite. LINGUISTIC DEVICES

Besides and additionally to the above, many languages have specific means to show politeness, deference, respect, or a recognition of the social status of the speaker and the hearer. There are two main ways in which a given language shows politeness: in its lexicon (for example, employing certain words in formal occasions, and colloquial forms in informal contexts), and in its morphology (for example, using special verb forms for polite discourse). CRITICISM OF THE THEORY

Brown and Levinson's theory of politeness has been criticized as not being universally valid, by linguists working with East-Asian languages, including Japanese. Matsumoto (1988) and Ide (1989) claim that Brown and Levinson assume the speaker's volitional use of language,

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which allows the speaker's creative use of face-maintaining strategies toward the addressee. In East Asian cultures like Japan, politeness is achieved not so much on the basis of volition as on discernment (wakimae, finding one's place), or prescribed social norms. Wakimae is oriented towards the need for acknowledgment of the positions or roles of all the participants as well as adherence to formality norms appropriate to the particular situation. Japanese is perhaps the most widely known example of a language that encodes politeness at its very core. Japanese has two main levels of politeness, one for intimate acquaintances, family and friends, and one for other groups, and verb morphology reflects these levels. Besides that, some verbs have special hyper-polite suppletive forms. This happens also with some nouns and interrogative pronouns. Japanese also employs different personal pronouns for each person according to gender, age, rank, degree of acquaintance, and other cultural factors. WESTERN BUSINESS ETIQUETTE

The etiquette of business is the set of written and unwritten rules of conduct that make social interactions run more smoothly. Office etiquette in particular applies to coworker interaction, excluding interactions with external contacts such as customers and suppliers. Both office and business etiquette overlap considerably with basic tenets of netiquette. These rules are often echoed throughout an industry or economy. For instance, 49% of employers surveyed in 2005 by the American National Association of Colleges and Employers found that non-traditional attire would be a "strong influence" on their opinion of a potential job candidate. Etiquette and manners played a large part in the Southern Antebellum society. It was believed that the desire to become true American ladies and gentleman was the goal of most citizens living in this time period. An individual's manner, such as how to wear your hair, how to dress,

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bowing and curtseying, dinner etiquette, among many others defined who you were in society. However, interestingly enough, all manners were put aside when it came to the chewing of tobacco. During the Antebellum period more people, both ladies and gentleman, chewed tobacco like never before. The residents living in Athens, Georgia, however, were no exception. The individuals that lived in this small Southern town during the Antebellum period were representative of the rest of the South in most aspects of manners. In this chapter I will discuss the typical manners displayed by southerners in the Antebellum period, and discuss how Athens, Georgia represented the South on a national scale when it came to everyday etiquette and manners in the social lives of these citizens. The years from 1830 to 1870 were the ideal period of the perfect lady. Around early 1830, the waistline, which was mostly raised to the bosom as fashion had required early in the century, fell back to its natural position. Dresses continued to grow fuller from that time on, until they reached several yards in circumference. They were held out by petticoats, and of course corsets were a must. Throughout the Antebellum period, Southern women continued to delight in showing off their shapely bodies. American women decided to be as seductive as possible in order to emphasize their independence. However, women were expected to appear submissive, sweet and resigned at the same time. While proper ladies tolerated no bright colors, perfume was also a major issue among women in the 1840's. There were not any restrictions on perfume, and so, they used it rather liberally. At about this same time in Athens, Georgia, some women chose to dress a little differently. It came to the attention of some travelers that some women chose to break the norm and wear men's clothing. This type of dress was condemned, stating that "it is ok for them to wear them in the privacy of their homes but in

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public it is an affront to men". The dress of men during the Antebellum period was much more conventional than that favored by the women. The ministers dressed in all black and the majority of other men wore black, gray, and dark colors in general. Their clothes remained the same, with a "high stovepipe hat; a long frock coat, at first full and later fitted; trousers with straps beneath the instep; a puffy cravat skillfully knotted to create an impression of deliberate negligence" . Around 1860, sideburns also became popular among men. Beards and mustaches had strictly been ruled out before this time however, "primarily city gentlemen of fashion, began to sport mustaches" .shaving brushes and lather bowls played a prominent part in men's lives. It was fashionable for men to have their initials stamped on them in gold. Hairstyles for women demanded a great deal of taste and judgment. The style of hair varied with the different forms of face. They rarely did their hair themselves, and often times they went to a hairdresser, who would fix their hair according to their facial features. The women of Athens, especially used hairdressers before large social events, for example the commencement ceremonies at the University. The change in hairstyle for men marked potential social change. After the 1800's, wig and powder went decisively out of fashion among the better sort, spurred in part by the President's casual style-much to the dismay of city barbers. From then on men decided to adopt the short hair style. Some of the basic recommendations for individuals to display correct manners included never sleeping in one's clothes during the day, never to keep one's hat on in the presence of a lady, not to tilt one's chair, not to touch one's partner they are conversing with, never grab women by the waist or, in general to touch them, and not to make fun of those who bathed and washed regularly. Cleanliness also became a major issue, one that was new to the Antebellum

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period. The eng raining of habits so thoroughly as to make them feel like second nature implies that powerful cultural forces once worked on the minds and bodies of western men and women. The idea of bathing significantly changed from the eighteenth century to the nineteenth century. For normal cleanliness, the usual eighteenth century method was a basin of water and a towel, what we would call a sponge bath today. However, at the turn of the century, bathhouses were introduced, where individuals took baths in which their bodies were totally immersed in water. It was not until about 1850 that regular personal w~shing become routine in middle class households. Cleanliness became an intense social importance. Cleanliness had social power because it was a moral ideal and a standard of judgment. Being clean was valuable to those individuals who wanted to better their lives and who wanted to move out of the lower classes. Dirty hands, greasy clothes, offensive odors, and grime on the skin all entered into complex judgments about the social position of the dirty person and actually his or her moral worth. By the middle of the nineteenth century, among the middle class anyway, personal cleanliness ranked as a mark of moral superiority and dirtiness as a sign of degradation. Cleanliness indicated control, spiritual refinement, breeding; the unclean were vulgar, coarse, animalistic. A dirty person evoked one of the most powerful of social forces-scorn. Relationships between men and women played an important role in the new code of good manners. When women were involved in conversations with gentlemen, they were never supposed to ask them about their health. Gentlemen, were advised against asking ladies a question period. If they wanted to give a gift to a particular lady, a bouquet of flowers or a book were the only suitable gifts. The slightest contact, however, was to be avoided between ladies and gentlemen in public. Dancing was probably the

I1ltroduction ~

one issue that caused the most problems. The sexes were simply kept apart as much as possible. The only body part that was allowed to be touched during a dance was the elbows. The men never put their hand around the woman's waist. That was just not acceptable. Her waist was forbidden. Other etiquette strictly enforced among women included: never allowing anyone to help her with her coat, shawl, etc. Certain words were also forbidden. For example, a woman called her chest her neck, and she was to call her stomach, her chest. Never was it acceptable for women to show their legs in public. The manners and etiquette in dealing with sexual manors are quite humorous. Since it was inappropriate for women to show the slightest bit of their legs in public, you can imagine how people in the Antebellum period felt about sex. Showing any affection towards one another was strongly prohibited. Even for married couples holding hands, laying your head on your husbands shoulder, or hugging would surely be looked down upon. As the years progressed during the Antebellum period, things began to. change slightly. Couples were allowed to sleep in the same bed together, fully clothed, with a board separating them so any contact would be impossible. However, research shows that the rate of pregnancy increased, and the number of women who were pregnant when they married increased as well. I think sex was kind of an issue that everyone knew happened, between those who were married and even those who were not, but most people simply turned their heads and pretended that it did not happen. Mealtime also had it's own set of manners. It was not appropriate to blow your nose with your napkin, nor was it acceptable to pick up your soup bowl and drink from it. Women were expected to always remove their gloves as soon as they were seated at the table, spread their napkin in their lap or sometimes they would even pin the napkin to their dresses. They were also not supposed to look at

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anyone for a long period of time if they were eating loud or happened to spill something on themselves. It was never appropriate for men or women to make any noise chewing. Such noises would be classified as inconsiderate .. As previously mentioned, all manners were set aside when it came to the use of tobacco. Most travelers, mostly European to be exact, felt that people of the south were sincere and cordial. However, these virtues took on an unreserved spontaneity, especially in the art of tobacco chewing. Tobacco chewers were most notably criticized for spitting in public places, especially churches, trains, and boats. It was a mystery to these travelers how men could so entertains themselves as to create an uninterrupted deluge of spit on the floor. They also spoke of the ceaseless spitting on the decks of boats people were traveling on. Some of these stories are believed to be a little exaggerated, but Alexander Mackay, a traveller from the United States, wrote that the floor in his railway car was so covered in tobacco spit, that he decided to ride his whole trip on the platform. Mackay also reported that he saw a man use the tobacco from his mouth to draw pictures on the window of the train. Another traveller, visiting Athens, Georgia, spoke about chewing tobacco in churches. This individual stated: I have visited cities, and have never heard better sermons than in Athens; your churches too are commodious, neat buildings, or were neat before being used for the worship of God; but how shall I express the horror I felt at seeing the shocking defilement which is permitted in those temples of a pure and holy God. The habits of devoted tobacco users were repulsive to most European travelers who visited Athens, as well as any other place in the South. It did not matter where tobacco chewers spit, nothing was off limits. Surprisingly, women also participated in this nasty habit. Women mostly preferred to use snuff, which today we would call, dipping. They even carried around stylish boxes to hold their snuff,

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and these boxes became somewhat of a fashion statement. Dipping snuff together became a way for the ladies to make friendships, because it was such a common practice. In Athens, as throughout the South, Tobacco chewing among women was not class specific. Indiyiduals seemed to use tobacco, whether they were rich, poor, or middle class. After 1820, however, the use of tobacco among women began to decline. When appearance started to become more important, women decided that it might be inappropriate to continue such practices. Tobacco use among men was much greater than women. They used different methods such as smoking through a pipe, chewing, snuff-dipping, and smoking cigars. However, smoking was a fire hazard, and was the less frequent mode of using tobacco. Smoking cigars was the most frequent method for individuals who were financially secure, and this was the expensive way to consume tobacco. Associated with tobacco use was also the consumption of alcohol. Both of these practices became everyday rituals for some. As we have seen, in the society of the Antebellum South, etiquette and manners played a large part in the daily life of the average citizen. A profound desire to become true American ladies and gentlemen, the goals of most citizens, dictated how you wore your hair, how you dressed, and how you acted in every aspect of life in this time period. As previously noted, however, this desire to live in a mannered society was put aside in regard to the subject of tobacco use, by both men and women alike. The residents of the sleepy little southern college town of Athens, Georgia, as we have seen, were no exception to this prevalence of a desire for manners and proper social behaviour, nor to the use of tobacco by both men and women alike. Athens was truly a microcosm of the Southern life and times.

Chapter 2

Work Etiquette Work Etiquette is a code that governs the expectations of social behaviour in a workplace, in a group or a society. Work Etiquette tells the individual how to behave when dealing with situations in a working environment however trivial the situation is. Office etiquette in particular applies to co-worker interaction and communication with cplleagues.

COMMON PRINCIPLES The common general codes of etiquette at the work place are: • Greeting a person well on the first meeting of the day. • In a meeting or in discussion, relevant references should be mentioned without mentioning any person by name who is closely related to the work. • Persons leading a team of people should be able to understand all the views of his/her team before concluding to a decision or making a point. • In a meeting, keeping the handphone/cellular phone in a silent I vibration mode so it does not interrupt the, discussions on hand and other members of the meeting. Likewise, the person can send a message to the calling party who requires urgent attention by excusing himself/herself from the meeting or discussion.

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When a person is talking or delivering a speech, other members of the group should not abruptly interrupt him/her. If anything is to be said on the discussed topic, the questions or suggestions should be noted down and raised politely at the permitted time (mostly at the end of the speech). In general people in higher positions or capacities would prefer to work silently in a workplace. And they expect the same kind of behaviour from their subordinates or colleagues and all the people working in the same office or workplace. This helps all in concentrating on the tasks at hand by keeping the noise level down without disturbing the other colleagues or people around them. If you try to look up the meaning of the word 'Etiquette' in the dictionary, it will be defined as an aspect of decorum which is a code that governs the various expectations of social behaviour as per the conventional norm, within a society, a social class or a group. Etiquettes are usually unwritten and generally tend reflect the formulas of conduct in the society. Following, etiquettes at a workplace is very important. It generally is the key deciding factor in how your colleagues will respond to you and come to your rescue when you require help. Further, the way one conducts themselves in the office with people who eventually become a part of a second family speaks a lot about the kind of person that one is. OFFICE ETIQUETTES

Here are some office etiquettes that one can follow. Although this list is not comprehensive, I promise you that following this will go a long way in ensuring that you earn the respect of your colleagues. PUNCTUALITY

Being punctual is very important especially if you have an appointment. It shows that you respect the time of your

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colleagues and in turn it will compel them to respect your time too. The popular saying that would fit in this situation is that 'Time and tide wait for no one'. Lead by an example and everything else will fall into place. STAY AWAY FROM GOSSIP

I would not go to the extend of saying that office gossip can make or break someone's career. But, it can cause a lot of unnecessary stress whieh should be avoided at all costs. You would not someone to gossip about you and neither will the next person. In some cases, if the source of some malicious gossip can be traced back to you, then your job can be in jeopardy. REFRAIN FROM BEING LOUD

You must not be loud in the professional work environment, be it while you are on the phone or while talking to a colleague. If you have received a call on your mobile phone then it will be a good idea to walk down to the corridor to take the call. This is especially recommended if it is a personal call. Taking care of this will prove that you respect the work that your colleagues are doing by not disturbing them with your loudness. AVOID STRONG SMELLS

This may sound strange but a lot of people who work in very small office spaces will be able to appreciate this piece of advice. Avoid using strong perfumes. You can end up suffocating the entire place with your perfume which is closed and the air conditioners usually do not work efficiently. Secondly, some people would also advice you to avoid bring strong smelling lunch like fish to office especially if you are planning to have it at your desk. DRESS APPROPRIATELY

Most offices have a predefined dress code that has to be followed very strictly. However, if you do have the

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privilege of working at a place which does not define a dress code, then it is up to you to dress appropriately. Remember that office is not a party place and you will have to dress in a way that commands respect both from your colleagues and clients. The dress code has a strong influence in establishing the trust that your client places in your abilities in giving them their money's worth. ASK BEFORE BORROWING

If you are at good terms with your colleague then it may appear alright if you borrowed a stapler or a marker from their desk without asking. Well, the fact of the matter is that it is not alright. It is imperative that you ask and then borrow. This attitude of yours will ensure that people also treat your things with the same respect and your things are not missing (read borrowed) when you get back to your seat after a meeting. Whether you work in a culture where lunch is 'for wimps' or it's simply commonplace to find people snacking or even taking their lunch at their desk or you've been asked to work overtime and a quick bite to eat at your desk or work station is all you can fit in to your schedule there are some very important dos and don'ts when it comes to eating etiquette at work. Assuming the company allows you to do that, here are some basic rules to follow. KEEP IT SIMPLE

It doesn't matter if you prefer a plate of spaghetti to eating a Chow Mein with chop sticks-in the workplace; keep it simple if you are planning to eat at your desk. Stick to things like sandwiches, a pie or a pasty, or something that can be kept in a pot or small plastic container and eaten simply with a fork or spoon. DON'T EAT IN FRONT OF THE CUSTOMERS OR WHilST YOU'RE ON THE PHONE

Be very aware of customers/clients coming into your

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place of work and don't eat in front of them if you're at your desk. And, for those of you whose work involves using the telephone, make sure you only eat at your desk when it's your designated break time. Many call centre personnel in particular have been caught out by taking a large bite out of a sandwich or munching a mouthful of crisps when they suddenly hear the '!Jing-bong' that signals another call is coming through. NO SMELLY STUFF

Don't bring food into work to eat at your desk that gives off a pungent smell. Garlic and rich spicy flavoured foods such as you'd find in Chinese or Indian dishes are a complete 'no-no'. You might think they smell and taste delicious but your colleagues sitting close to you may hold a totally opposite view, at least in the workplace. WATCH YOUR TIMING If you work at a 9 to 5 job, be very careful about bringing things in for breakfast. Unless it's the norm around the workplace, it could be perceived that you're not in the right frame of mind to start your working day. After all, your boss will usually expect you to begin work promptly on time at the start of your shift so if you're eating, you're obviously not working which might be looked upon unfavourably by your boss or immediate supervisor. Likewise, if you're on a 10 minute break and you're eating at your desk or work station, make sure you've completed your snack and cleared up before the 10 minutes is up - your employer isn't paying you to eat on their time, after all.

RESPECT THE CLEANERS

Cleaners playa vital role in the efficiency of a company but they are not employed to wipe down food stains or to pick up crumbs except in the canteen so show them and your colleagues nearby some respect and clean up your

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mess and get rid of any wrappers, food containers, cups and cans when you've finished eating. CONSIDER YOUR COLLEAGUES

Remember that whilst you might be on your break, your colleagues might still be working so show them some respect and keep chat to a minimum if you have to eat at your work station. And, if you do engage in any kind of conversation with them, don't talk with your mouth full. There's nothing quite as repulsive as somebody spitting remnants of food at you when you're having a conversation. PRACTICE GOOD HYGIENE

Once you have finished eating and have cleared up, go to the bathroom and clean your teeth. A toothbrush and small tube of toothpaste kept in a bag or pocket is always useful in the workplace. Wash your hands thoroughly also before resuming work, especially in a shared workspace where somebody might have to use the same equipment as you've been using when they come in for their shift. Whenever it's possible, however, you should always try to keep food and work separate and to only eat in a designated place like a canteen. Not only wiII this mean that you'll not have to remember so many Dos and Donts, a canteen is also a good place for you to socialise and relax and to get to know your work colleagues better. BUSINESS ETIQUETTE

Etiquette is defined as "the forms, manners and ceremonies established by convention as acceptable or required in social relations, in a profession, or in official life." Times change and this affects the guidelines of etiquette. Common sense will typically be your best guide, but it is helpful to have some general ideas regarding business etiquette. A good point to remember in business etiquette is everyone should be treated with equal courtesy and respect.

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Times have changed and some of the old standards no longer apply. Administrative assistants or office support staff are important people and should never be taken for granted. Treat them courteously in all your transactions. Treat people the way you wish to be treated. Gender no longer needs to be the deciding factor in everyday events. Business etiquette should be a give and take, to help each other when help is needed and have consideration for others. Good manners and business etiquette have always been based on common sense and thoughtfulness. GREETING

When meeting someone, rise if you are seated, smile, extend your hand and repeat the other person's name in your greeting. A good handshake is important - it should be firm and held for 3-4 seconds. Today, in the business world, it is not necessary to wait for a female to initiate the handshake. Females/males should both be ready to initiate the handshake. INTRODUCTIONS

Introducing people is one of the most important acts in business life, yet few people know how to do it. Introduce a younger person to an older person; introduce a non-official person to an official person; and in business introduce the junior to the senior. Be sure to explain who people are and use their full names. Also do not assume that everyone wants to be called by his or her first name - wait until you are told to use a first name. NAMETAGS

In many situations you will be wearing a nametag to identify yourself and your affiliation. Nametags serve an important purpose and should be worn on the right hand side of your front shoulder area. Do not dip nametags to the bottom edge of your jacket. Wearing the nametag on the right side of your shoulder immediately enables a

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person to see your name, particularly as you are shaking hands. If the nametag is one worn on a cord around the neck, be sure to adjust the length so it can be easily seen without the other person having to look down. If writing your own nametag, write in large clear letters that can be easily read by others. RECEPTION/SOCIAL HOUR Most receptions or social hours are for the purpose of mingling and making contacts whether for job leads, as part of an interview or an employee entertaining clients. When you enter the reception observe the layout of the room; is everyone standing; some cocktail rounds or tables for seating. Seeing the room layout gives you a clue on how to proceed at the reception. If no tables are available, you should only have a drink or your food in your hand - never both. You should be prepared to greet and shake hands with individuals. If having a drink hold it in your left hand to keep your right hand dry and ready to shake hands. If eating hold your plate on the right hand and eat with the left hand. When someone approaches, you are able to switch the plate to your left hand and your right hand is clean and ready to shake. If tables are available, you may have your drink and food together. However, always be ready to stand and greet people. Networking and/or mingling are an important aspect of attending a business function even if the event is described as a social time. Be sure to greet or introduce yourself to the host/hostess. Spend a few minutes conversing with them on topics that relate to the event or to their business. To move on you can politely say "1 know you need to talk with your other guests." Connect with as many of the attendees as is possible. Do not interrupt people but wait until they include you or there is a break in the conversation and you can introduce yourself. To start conversations, ask the person something about themselves or their job. You will find most people enjoy talking about themselves and this is a good way to

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begin a conversation. Do not be looking around the room for your next contact as you carryon a conversation._with someone. Focus eye contact on that individual and after a time politely excuse yourself to move on to someone else. OFFICE PARTIES

Office parties are good opportunities to improve morale and build good will. Keep in mind these people who see you every day and they will remember a lapse in behaviour. Be aware of your alcohol consumption and do not embarrass yourself. Do not discuss business - this is a social occasion and an opportunity to learn more about your coworkers. PUNCTUALITY

Be on time - no one wants to be kept waiting. If it is an avoidable delay, try to contact the person. Keep in mind that you never know when you will encounter heavy traffic, wrecks, construction or other delays. Always allow extra time particularly if you are going to an interview. For interviews you should arrive 10-15 minutes before the interview time. SMOKING

Be aware of smoking policies. You should never smoke during an interview, at a meal, or when you are aware that the other person's pleasure does not include tobacco smoke. TELEPHONE

Telephone manners are very important. Have a definite purpose for calling someone because telephone calls are an intrusion into their busy day. Identify yourself and speak clearly into the phone - never chew gum, eat, drink or smoke while using the telephone. VOICEMAILJANSWERING MACHINE

If you encounter someone's voicemail, state your name,

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organization, and reason for calling and slowly give your telephone number. Many people will leave a very good, clear message and then quickly rattle off their phone number. Voicemail is most efficient if you leave a concise but detailed message. Many times the person receiving the call will be able to get the information you need and leave that in their return call or message to you. Use voice mail wisely and efficiently. Always have a concise, professional greeting on your answering machine/voice mail. E-MAIL E-mail has become an important part of our comll1unication and should be used in a professional manner' It can be a quick and effective means of communication. Always put identifying information in the subject line to help the individual receiving the message know what it is in reference to. The text box of the e-mail message should begin with a salutation such as "Dear Ms. Smith" or "Hello John" depending on the relationship. After the salutation, drop down to the next line to begin the message. Use complete sentences and appropriate capitalization and punctuation as you would use in a business letter. If needed, you may have multiple paragraphs. The casual email correspondence you have with your friends is not appropriate for business. Do not use all caps in the message nor the symbols for happy faces, etc. Even if you have automatic signature on your e-mail, you should still close the message. (Example: Thank you, Ann Smith). Remember to read your message through after you have written it and to run spell check before you click on the send button. CULTURAL COURTESY Cultural courtesy is becoming very important as more business is being conduced in and with foreign countries. Show appreciation and respect for the differences between our country and someone else's. You should always be

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aware of these cultural differences in etiquette. Be sensitive to their rules of etiquette. If you are traveling overseas representing an American firm be very aware of the customs and culture of the country you are visiting. This can be very important to your business dealings. Research the customs and culture of the country with which you will have business transactions. FIVE KEY WORDS

Remember five words that are too often neglected in business: Please, Thank You, and Well Done. Social skills can help us build more productive relationships. In these changing times, one needs to prepare for a variety of encounters in both the business and social environments. Whether you are aware of it or not, first impression does make a major difference in achieving business objectives. Business experts have preached the value of knowing proper business etiquette, including practicing good manners, for close to fifty years. In the United States, we live in a business casual world but many people forget the first word is still "business." As such, we have to mind our manners. Having good manners will help you regardless of the business you are in. Any time you make contact with a client or perspective client, you are making a mini-presentation of yourself, ultimately representing your company, service and/or products. I keep hearing more and more from top executives that people skills are very important, in many cases even more important than technical skills. But how can you mind your manners, if you do not know the rules. It is never too late to take the initiative to begin your own professional development. Here are some pointers to keep your manners sharp. Address individuals by their honorific or title: There is so much informality in the workplace today that in many offices business is lost, and goodwill destroyed, because of total disregard for properly addressing clients. The proper way to address a client is to

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greet them using their honorific or title followed by their last name. It is up to the client to ask you to call them by their first name. In business, the proper way to refer to a woman is "Ms.," regardless of their marital status. This is more than a passing fad; it was established in the seventeenth century as an abbreviation for "Mistress." Enunciate your greeting: It's sad but true we've become a nation of name-tumblers when we introduce ourselves or other people; this is major problem especially on the telephone. We need to slow down and pronounce our names slowly, clearly and distinctly. At first it may feel as if you are exaggerating your name, but you are really helping the other person and improving overall communication. Refer to individuals frequently by their names: Take the time and make the effort to pay attention to the name of the person you are being introduced to. A person's name means everything to them. To build rapport with a client, mention their name at least three times during the conversation. It will help you remember their name and make a connection - they will remember you. A person's name is the sweetest music to their ears. Make contact: There are few physical contacts that are appropriate in business; the most important and acceptable is your handshake. Your handshake is a non-verbal clue that indicates to the other person whether or not you are a take charge person. For example, a firm and strong handshake suggests that you are decisive, in control. Now think of the impression you had after shaking hands with someone that presented a weak, slippery or lifeless handshake. What did that make you think of them? The rules for shaking hands are: extend your hand with the thumb up, clasp the other person's entire palm, give two or three pumps from the elbow, avoiding both the painful "bone crusher" and the off-putting "wet fish" shake, and look at the person directly in the eyes with a smile. Smile: This seems very simple, but it's amazing how people's moods and words are misjudged because their

:34nL________________________________vv,_o_r_k_E_t~iq_u_et_te_ expressions are often overly-serious. A smile shows that you like yourself; you like your current place in the world and you're happy with the people you're interacting with. No one will say you're crabby if you're smiling. A smile says, I'm approachable and confident. Make eye contact: Every time a person begins talking to you, look them in the eye and smile first, then get on with the conversation. Also, when you enter a room for a meeting, smile and look around at everyone. If you want to start talking to one person - or even a group - come up to them and smile. Again, this is another way to say, I'm approachable. Introduce people with confidence: Most people hate making introductions, because they do not know how to properly make them. Introducing people with confidence is a great way to impress your customers. In business, introductions are determined by precedence. The person who holds the position of highest authority in an organization takes precedence over ·others who work there. For example, you introduce your company's president to a colleague. The basic rule is: the name of the person of greater authority is always spoken first. The name of the person of lesser authority is always spoken last. For example, "Mr./ Ms. Greater Authority, I would like to introduce \1r./Ms. Lesser Authority." .A second example, would be: the name of the Senior Executive is always spoken first. The name of the Junior Executive is always spoken last. "Mr. Senior Executive, I would like to introduce Mr. Junior Executive, from the accounting department. Mr. Senior Executive is our Director of Public Relations." Learning the rules of business etiquette is not hard to do, it is not costly, and it is the best professional development tool any business person can use to increase their chances of success. People truly desire to do business with those that make them comfortable and know how to best handle themselves in a variety of situations. Practicing good business etiquette is well worth the investment and pays back in spades.

Chapter 3

Interview Etiquette Interviews are often stressful- even for job seekers who have interviewed many times. Interviewing can be even more stressful when you are expected to eat and talk at the same time. One of the reasons employers take job candidates out to lunch or dinner is to evaluate their social skills and to see if they can handle themselves gracefully under pressure. Dining with a prospective employee allows employers to review your communication and interpersonal skills, as well as your table manners, in a more relaxed (for them) environment. Table manners do matter. Good manners may give you the edge over another candida i.e, so, take some time to brush up your dining etiquette skills.

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Are you really nervous? Check out the restaurant ahead of time. That way you'll know exactly what's on the menu, what you might want to order and where the rest rooms are located. Be polite. Remember to say "please" and "thank you" to your server as well as to your host. Is the table full of utensils? My British grandmother taught me an easy way to remember what to use when. Start at the outside and work your way in. Your salad fork will be on the far left, your entree fork will be next to it. Your dessert spoon and fork will be above your plate.

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Liquids are on the right, solids on the left. For example, your water glass will be on the right and your bread plate will be on the left. • Put your napkin on your lap once everyone is seated. • Remember what your mother spent years telling you - keep your elbows off the table, sit up straight, and don't talk with your mouth full! During the Meal: • Don't order messy food - pasta with lots of sauce, chicken with bones, ribs, big sandwiches, and whole lobsters are all dangerous. • Don't order the most expensive entree on the menu. • Do order food that is easy to cut into bite-size pieces. • The polite way to eat soup is to spoon it away from you. There's less chance of spilling in your lap that way too! • Break your dinner roll into small pieces and eat it a piece at a time. • If you need to leave the table, put your napkin on the seat or the arm of your chair. • When you've finished eating, move your knife arid fork to the four o'clock" position so the server knows you're done. • Remember to try and relax, listen, and participate in the conversation. To Drink or Not to Drink: • It's wise not to drink alcohol during an interview. Interviewing is tough enough without adding , alcohol to the mix. After the Meal: • Put your napkin on the table next to your plate. • Let the prospective employer pick up the tab. The person who invited you will expect to pay both the bill and the tip. II

Interview Etiquette

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Remember to say "thank you." Consider also following-up with a thank you note which reiterates your interest in the job. What is a behavioral interview? Behavioral based interviewing is interviewing based on discovering how the interviewee acted in specific employment-related situations. The logic is that how you behaved in the past will predict how you will behave in the future i.e. past performance predicts future performance. TRADITIONAL INTERVIEW VS. BEHAVIORAL INTERVIEW

In a traditional interview, you will be asked a series of questions which typically have straight forward answers like "What are your strengths and weaknesses?" or "What major challenges and problems did you face? How did you handle them?" or "Describe a typical work week." In a behavioral interview, an employer has decided what skills are needed in the person they hire and will ask questions to find out if the candidate has those skills. Instead of asking how you would behave, they will ask how you did behave. The interviewer will want to know how you handled a situation, instead of what you might do in the future. QUESTIONS IN A BEHAVIORAL INTERVIEW

Behavioral interview questions will be more pointed, more probing and more specific than traditional interview questions: • Give an example of an occasion when you used logic to solve a problem. • Give an example of a goal you reached an