It Takes a Man

IT TAKES A MAN G.A. HAUSER

IT TAKES A MAN Copyright © G.A. Hauser, 2010 Edited by Stacey Rhodes Cover art by Stephanie Vaughan ISBN Trade paperback: 978-1-45053-617-2 The G.A. Hauser Collection POLE RIDING Copyright © Ryan St. James, 2010 This is a work of fiction and any resemblance to persons, living or dead, or business establishments, events or locales is coincidental. All Rights Are Reserved. No part of this may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews. WARNING This book contains material that maybe offensive to some: graphic language, homosexual relations, adult situations. Please store your books carefully where they cannot be accessed by underage readers. First G.A. Hauser publication: March 2010

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Chapter One Gino Williams was exhausted. He’d worked at the Department of Social Health and Services, referred to as DSHS, for five years but felt like he was getting nowhere. Troubled youths were hard to help and there seemed to be a never ending supply. King County and Seattle police cars pulled up in front of their lobby regularly escorting young people in handcuffs inside a secure building to be assigned a counselor or referred to the detention center jail downtown or to the Youth Service Center. Every client was an individual under eighteen. Gino had many a tough day worrying about them. Before the next case hit his office, he headed to the restroom to splash his face. The coffee wasn’t working and he needed to wake up. Turning on the faucet, Gino leaned over and patted cold water on his cheeks. When he caught his green contact lenses covering his brown eyes in the mirror he paused. His long braided weaves were pulled back in a ponytail, the way he always wore them at work. After hours he allowed them to hang loose. Straightening his back, he touched the diamond stud in his left ear, making sure the back was secure, then he tugged a few paper towels out of the rack to dry his face.

 

G.A. Hauser His phone vibrated in his slacks. He dropped the paper towels into the trash and removed it from his pocket, flipping it open. “Hi, Colby.” “Hey, babe. Bad time?” “No. I just took a second to splash my face.” He looked in the mirror as he spoke. “Look, about this morning…” “I don’t want to get into all that now.” Gino rubbed his forehead. “Can I just say I’m sorry?” “You don’t have to be sorry. We just have a different way of dealing with the kids. I know that.” “No. Not really. We both want to help them.” Gino laughed and it echoed in the tiled men’s room. “Yeah, but I don’t cuff them and pat them down. They trust me.” “Babe…” “Col, I can’t talk about it now.” He heard Colby release a loud sigh. “I have to go.” Gino disconnected the call and headed back to his office. Too much on his mind at the moment made it hard to focus. I should know better. Why did I get involved with someone who works at the detention center? “Gino?” He snapped out of his thoughts to find the receptionist and co-worker, Hailey standing before him. “I have a young man that needs to see you.” She handed Gino a file. “Is he in the waiting area?” “Yes. With two Seattle police officers. He was picked up for assault.” Biting his lip, Gino nodded. “Okay.” He followed her to the waiting room and found a young man sitting between two cops. The youth was rubbing his wrists, obviously just released from handcuffs. Gino looked at the paperwork for the young man’s name. “Seth, come with me.” 8

It Takes a Man The youth stood, glanced back at the police officers with disdain, and entered Gino’s office. “Thank you,” Gino said to the uniformed men. “Good luck.” One smiled wryly. “If you need us to bring him back to the detention center, just call dispatch. Gino nodded, waving to them, then he closed himself into the office with Seth. “Are you all right?” “Yeah.” “Do you need any medical care?” Gino stood near him. “Nope. I won the fight. You should be askin’ the loser.” Tossing the paperwork on the desk, Gino sat down behind it and leaned his elbows on the table. “Talk to me.” “Why should I?” “Because I’m the last hope you’ve got before being locked up in juvie.” Seeing the thought made Seth nervous, Gino didn’t think anyone wanted to be incarcerated at the juvenile detention center. Colby’s horror stories were enough to scare even him. Colby Hollinger pocketed his mobile phone feeling anxious. He and Gino had known each other for nearly six months. Though they had a slow beginning to any type of steady dating, this was the first time their relationship was getting rocky. Returning from the men’s room, he walked back to his post near the door which led to the lock up area. He and one other guard were on security detail together in the noisy reception room. Blue and white patrol cars and prisoner vans made a never-ending train of transports to their door. It was chaotic and loud, always giving him a headache. Colby preferred other duties, but someone had to watch over the insane asylum. Gino… Colby lost himself on the image of Gino naked getting out of their bed that morning. Yes, they had separate abodes, but they spent most of their time sleeping together. Sinking into a daydream, Colby imagined Gino’s sleek sculpted build, all his muscles showing under his gorgeous 9

G.A. Hauser mocha skin. His cheekbones were carved like a Michelangelo model, and those long weaved braids made Gino look hot. Very hot. Before Colby reached into his trouser pocket to touch his semi-erect cock, he noticed a commotion near the door. A uniformed cop was dragging an uncooperative youth in. He exchanged glances with his partner, Juan Diaz. “Should we?” “Hang on. I think he’s got it.” They waited. The cop pointed to both him and Juan through the thick glass, as if warning the young man he had back-up at hand. Colby and Juan waited as the King County sheriff locked his gun and mace in a temporary locker. Colby figured all the detainees hated cops so much, there was a constant battle going on. Colby met the young man’s gaze, puffing himself up, trying to look menacing so the youth wouldn’t fight. He wasn’t as tall as Gino’s six-foot-one inch height, but Colby could bench press over two-fifty. He never asked Gino whether he could. It didn’t matter. Colby thought Gino’s body was incredible. The young man appeared cowed by the potential three against one scenario and the struggle relented. Colby preferred that solution to manhandling, handcuffs or hogtying. That’s where the argument began with Gino that morning. Not everything can be solved with words, lover. If it could, I would never have to touch anyone to control them. “Hollinger,” Juan said, “This one’s good to go.” They walked towards a youth who was already checked in. Colby stood by as Juan took the young man’s paperwork. With Juan witnessing the event, Colby brought the young man to a curtained room to pat down. He always did his own check before anyone was brought back to the cell. Juan stood by, just inside the door to act as a witness. Putting gloves on, Colby said, “Face the wall. Spread your legs.” Colby raised the young man’s hands up behind his head. “Lace your fingers.” He was obeyed. With the same technique 10

It Takes a Man he’d learned in his training, Colby made sure there was nothing hidden on this youth’s person. No contraband, no weapon, not even a safety pin. “Geez! Are you queer?” the youth sneered, “Getting off on this, cop?” “If ya got nothing to hide, don’t whine.” Colby heard that line all the time. Yeah, he got personal. And he found numerous objects shoved down pants, so he did what he had to do to keep everyone safe. When he completed it, Colby stood back. “Okay, change.” Colby gave the youth a sack for his street clothing and a detention jumpsuit. He stood outside the curtain with Juan and waited. A moment later the young man opened the curtain, handing off his clothing and pushing his feet into slippers. As Juan opened the back door, Colby held the young man’s arm and directed him to the secure area behind the concrete walls. He led him to a desk and Juan handed his clothing and paperwork to the man behind it. They passed the young man onto the waiting detention officers and headed back to their post. “Hawks suck this season.” Juan leaned against the wall of the waiting area, arms crossed. “What else is new?” Colby eyed the growing mob in the intake line to be incarcerated. “Haven’t had a decent football team since Coach Knox.” “I know.” “Got time for a beer after work?” “No. I need to get home.” When Juan didn’t answer, Colby looked over at him. They were standing side by side so they both had a view of the room. Juan met his eye and made a face. “What?” “Home to what? You live alone.” Colby kept silent. He and Gino didn’t slink around hiding, but they didn’t go out in public very often either. Being a social worker, Gino was out to his co-workers. As part of King County’s large force of detention officers, Colby didn’t dare. 11

G.A. Hauser Besides, he’d learned his lesson. He knew what being honest about his sexuality would get him. Been there. Done that. “Hollinger?” “What, Diaz?” Colby sighed. “Must be very lonely. You can come have a meal with me and the wife and kids sometime.” “Thanks. I’ll keep that in mind.” On his drive to Colby’s apartment on Greenwood Avenue, Gino stopped at Pagliacci’s on Eighty-fifth Street to get a pizzato-go. The scent of an AGOG pizza stirring his stomach, Gino parked in a guest spot at Colby’s apartment. The pizza box balanced in one hand, he used the key Colby had made for him and entered the lobby, climbing the stairs to the third, and top, floor. Entering the two bedroom apartment, complete with a fireplace and cathedral ceilings, Gino set the box down on the kitchen counter and called, “Babe?” then he checked his watch. He draped his long black wool coat over the back of a kitchen chair and took off his shoes. He opened the pizza box lid and inhaled the roasted garlic and Kalamata olives amid a delectable assortment of gourmet cheeses. Turning the oven on low, he slid the box inside it and headed to the bedroom to get comfortable. When he had changed into a pair of sweatpants and a Husky’s sweatshirt, he removed his phone and texted Colby. “u on ur way?” He stared at the phone. It buzzed in his hand with a reply. “5 min”. Gino tossed the phone onto the dresser, stopping at the bathroom to wash his hands. He removed the rubber band from his braids, took out his contact lenses, and returned to the kitchen to pour himself a glass of wine. Making sure there was an iced mug in the freezer for Colby’s Alaskan Amber beer, Gino dropped to the couch and aimed the remote at the flat-screen television, catching the news, sipping his wine. 12

It Takes a Man Ten minutes later he heard the door open. He caught his first sight of his lover. Though Colby appeared quite tough with his closely shaven head and large build, Gino knew looks were deceiving. Colby was a liberal pussycat, though on first impressions, you might think he was a hardcore conservative. Nothing was further from the truth. “Hey.” Colby smiled, tossing his keys aside and kicking off his shoes. “Is that the pizza I smell?” “Roasted garlic,” Gino replied. “I put a mug in the freezer for you.” “Thanks. Be right back.” Gino watched as Colby headed to the bedroom to change. Gulping the rest of the wine, he managed to pry himself off the sofa and set out two plates and silverware. Hands surrounded Gino’s waist from behind as Colby nuzzled his neck. Gino chuckled. “Is the pizza going to wait?” “Mm hmm.” Gino relaxed against Colby, feeling his body heat, always boiling and ready for action. “Am I forgiven for this morning?” Colby brushed aside Gino’s braids and kissed his neck. “I told you. No need for that.” “I have a need.” Gino pivoted around to face him. Seeing Colby without his shirt, his right shoulder tattooed with an Inner Tribal Sun and his left with a bald eagle gripping an American flag, Gino grew excited. He smoothed his hands over Colby’s rounded deltoids. The ex-army guy. Gino visualized Colby in his camouflage ACU’s from the photos of he and the boys in Iraq. He had no complaints about their sex life. Colby brushed his lips against Gino’s. The contrast between Colby’s powerful, fierce looks and his gentle touch were like polar opposites. With a man like Colby, Gino would expect the sex to be hard, almost violent. It wasn’t. It was Colby’s touch that sent Gino wild. A trained military killer who caressed him like the tickling of a feather. 13

G.A. Hauser Colby kissed him, pressing their lips together. No tongues yet, but still Gino’s cock went rigid. He moaned and ran his palms across Colby’s skin to cup his large pectoral muscles. “Why do you get me crazy?” “I don’t know. I’m just glad I do.” Colby ran tingling kisses down Gino’s neck. Gino knew Colby allowed him to set the pace. If Gino wanted to stand and kiss all night, they would. Colby was easy going. He aimed to please. His loving was pure giving. Gino was well aware Colby placed his satisfaction above his own. Gino had never met a man like Colby, and on first sight he disliked him. Stereotypes took over in Gino’s mind. It took a long time before he would even make eye contact with Colby. As Colby licked Gino’s earlobe, nibbling his earring, Gino pressed his crotch into Colby’s, feeling where he had grown erect in his gym shorts. “Do you still want the pizza first?” “Pizza?” Gino said, “What pizza?” Colby laughed softly and held Gino’s long braids back in both his hands, staring at his eyes. “No green contacts today?” “I took them out when I got here.” “I like you with or without them. Gino, you are beautiful.” Feeling his cheeks grow warm, Gino replied, “You sure know how to talk to a man, Colby. I’ll give you that.” “It isn’t talk. It’s how I feel.” Gino reached for Colby’s hand and led him to the bedroom. Releasing his grip, Gino spun around and tugged his sweatshirt over his head and his sweatpants down his legs. He had nothing underneath. Colby groaned and rubbed his own crotch. “What a bod. Holy fuck.” Gino craned his index finger in invitation. “What are you waiting for?” Before he approached, Colby dropped his gym shorts, stepping out of them. He glided across the carpet and surrounded Gino’s waist with both arms, drawing their torsos together. 14

It Takes a Man Tingles rushed over Gino’s skin. He closed his eyes as Colby’s sweet kisses made him swoon. It was Gino who moved them towards the bed. When Colby was against it, he sat down, holding Gino’s hips and staring at his cock. Gino glanced down at his shaved body. He felt sexier that way. Through conversations with Colby, Colby thought so too. When Colby’s lips tenderly made contact with the head of Gino’s cock, Gino whimpered and thrust his pelvis forward. They hadn’t exchanged ‘I love you’s’ yet. Gino didn’t know if he was ready. Though at times he felt strong emotions for Colby, he’d had several relationships that didn’t last longer than a year. There was no reason to believe this one would. Colby was the first white man Gino had dated. He’d dated mostly black men, and had one Hispanic boyfriend years ago. It seemed easier. No cultural conflicts. Gino had no idea why he and Colby were still together. He knew they appeared to be the ultimate odd couple. That touch! Gino was obsessed with Colby’s caress. He couldn’t get enough. The last man Gino dated was so rough on him, he was bruised and raw for days after a bout. He didn’t think he minded it at the time, until he met Colby and realized what he was missing. Lingering soft licks felt like the brush of rose petals on his skin. “Colby…” Gino breathed, holding onto Colby’s shoulders to steady himself. “Want to come in my mouth?” “Yeah. I do.” Colby released Gino and scooted back on the bed, allowing Gino to lie down. Propping himself up with the pillows, Gino had to admit he liked the way Colby stared at him, as if he was smitten with his looks. Gino knew looks weren’t everything, but knowing your partner thought you were sexy didn’t hurt either. 15

G.A. Hauser Colby propped his head up in his palm and explored Gino’s stiff cock just as gently with his fingers as he had with his tongue. It made the craving to climax grow in Gino. Gino stroked Colby’s short hair, trying to silently encourage him to continue the blowjob. Colby shot him one of his dazzling smiles before he repositioned himself between Gino’s legs. Oral sex from Colby was a cosmic experience. Colby took his time, didn’t miss a chance to taste or tantalize any part of Gino’s anatomy. Colby had a way of making it build to where Gino’s orgasms were so intense he constantly craved more. A drug. He was addicted to this ex-army man’s contact. Gino watched eagerly as Colby’s chest, shoulder and arm muscles flexed. Colby wasn’t as tall as he was, but the motherfucker was powerful. A GI Joe made of steel. After giving his balls the attention they needed, Colby ran his tongue up the length of Gino’s cock. Gino shivered and tried to get inside Colby’s mouth. Colby chuckled at Gino’s not so subtle cues. But he delivered. He drew Gino’s cock nearly entirely into his mouth, holding it still, sucking. The sensation was wonderful. Gino closed his eyes for a brief moment to savor it before Colby gripped the base of his cock in his right hand, and began massaging his balls with his left. “That’s it.” Gino began meeting Colby’s rhythm, slow, agonizingly slow. Colby had a technique that Gino had never experienced; a way of squeezing him in the right spots. Gino didn’t know if Colby learned these things in a fox hole in the desert in Iraq, but what he had trained to do to another man was staggering. Without the wild hammering of hips, without the speed and friction he had known in the past, Gino rose to an orgasm. And Colby, highly trained in the art of man on man sex, knew he was close. As Gino’s gasps, body language and pulsating dick gave him away, Colby reacted to the signs. 16

It Takes a Man In slow motion, his balls began to churn up their concoction and Gino couldn’t hold back if his life depended on it. He clenched his jaw and eyes and gave up his jizz. Colby quietly sighed and knelt up higher, milking Gino’s cock, prolonging the aftershocks for what seemed an impossible length of time. Once Gino could function, he blinked and found Colby’s adoring expression. “Nice one, babe.” “Good.” Gino knew, if he wanted to, he could say, ‘Okay, time to eat’ and Colby wouldn’t complain. Instead, he spread his legs and smiled. Colby looked like he’d just won the jackpot. He scrambled to locate what they needed and rolled a condom on his stiff cock. Waiting as Colby prepared himself for the ride, Gino couldn’t stop grinning. So easy to please. It’s me that’s the problem here, not you. “Okay?” “Okay.” Gino slouched down, elevating his hips. It never was uncomfortable with Colby. Colby’s size wasn’t unmanageable, and his consideration as a lover was unmatched. With the same kindness Colby showed throughout their sexual relationship, Gino was penetrated. He relaxed. This was going to be an internal massage, delicate and mild. Colby pressed firmly against Gino’s body. “Still okay?” “Yes.” Holding Gino’s knees for leverage, Colby gazed at Gino’s body, licking his lips as he sank in and drew out with the same slow determination he did everything. Gino enjoyed watching him. He knew right before Colby was about to come, because he’d close his eyes and hold still. Gino desired that moment, seeing the climax on Colby’s handsome face. “It won’t take long.” “Don’t worry.” Gino smiled. The pizza could wait. 17

G.A. Hauser Colby closed his eyes and went still as a statue, all but for his cock, which was twitching inside Gino’s ass as he came. Sitting back on his heels, Colby pulled out, removed the condom and used a tissue to wipe the excess lube from Gino’s body. “Thank you.” “Anytime.” Gino sat up and stopped Colby from rushing off the bed. “You okay?” “How can I not be?” Colby’s brown eyes gleamed. Gino pecked his lips, letting Colby stand and dispose of the spent condom. He dressed in his sweatpants and shirt again, hearing the water running in the bathroom. Gino headed to the kitchen to remove the pizza box from the oven. He washed his hands at the sink, took out the iced mug and filled it with a beer for Colby. Colby entered the room, looking back at the television which was still on. “You can shut that.” Gino set Colby’s beer mug on the table. “Do you want to watch the news?” “No.” Colby used the remote to shut it off. He stood next to Gino as Gino opened the box. “Wow. Look at that. Smells great.” “Dig in.” Gino joined Colby at the table, taking a slice of pie to his plate. Once they had each tasted it and groaned, Gino asked, “You sure you’re okay? I mean, you’re usually quiet, but you look preoccupied.” Colby met his gaze quickly, then picked up his beer to drink. “Not still thinking about this morning, are you?” Gino didn’t think the fight was that serious. Just a disagreement about the court system for juvenile offenders. “Colby?” “I’m fine.” You don’t look fine. Gino let it go. But he felt at times that Colby was fighting some inner demons and could use an ally. 18

It Takes a Man All the soldiers coming back from Iraq and Afghanistan seemed like they were angry or preoccupied, or something. He’d studied post traumatic stress at the University of Washington. Most nights he knew Colby had nightmares, waking up drenched in sweat or crying out. He never spoke about them. Neither of them did. “The pie is excellent.” “Good.” Gino tried to smile. Was Colby a powder keg, waiting to go off? Nah, he’s my teddy bear.

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Chapter Two Colby yawned as he watched television. It was nearing one o’clock and he was struggling to stay up for the late night shows. Gino slouched on the sofa beside him, his feet up on the coffee table. “I’m beat.” “Me too. I can’t keep my eyes open.” Gino shut off the set. Standing, Colby reached out to help Gino to his feet. He followed Gino to the bathroom. They didn’t talk much, he and Gino. Unless it was about work, and then when they disagreed Colby regretted sharing his feelings. Their connection was sex. Colby thought, and hoped, there was more, something linking them together, a common bond. As the weeks wore on and the Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays loomed closer, Colby wondered if he was wrong. He was beginning to feel empty inside. Gino handed Colby a bottle of liquid hair oil and sat on the closed toilet lid. “Thanks, Col.” Colby moisturized Gino’s hair for him nightly, never minding giving him a hand. He assisted Gino in tucking his long weaves under a cap. “Are they too much trouble?” Gino laughed. “I’m beginning to think a close shave like yours would be smarter.” Colby cupped Gino’s jaw. “You do what you want.”

 

It Takes a Man Gino opened his mouth to say something, but didn’t. Having a feeling Gino was sensing his sadness, Colby turned towards the sink to wash his face and hands. He felt Gino’s light caress on his bottom while he did. Colby finished up and headed to the bedroom. He set the alarm clock, stripped off his shorts and climbed under the blankets. Rain and wind battered the window pane. Seattle in November. Rain City. He didn’t like to deal with rain every day, but he didn’t complain either. It still beat the desert heat of Iraq. Gino entered, stripping before he turned off the light. Colby watched him, never tiring of Gino’s body. They met under the fluffy comforter. Colby cradled Gino close, his arm behind Gino’s head. “Did you set the alarm?” “Yes.” “Goodnight, Colby.” “Night.” Colby pecked Gino’s cheek and tried to relax. Falling asleep didn’t come easy for him. When they slept overnight together, Gino would be the one to sink under the spell first. Colby envied that. Staring at the darkened ceiling, listening to the noise outside and in the unit below, Colby regretted that the wee hours of the morning was the time his brain kicked into high gear. The day he met Gino for the first time, Gino wouldn’t look him in the eye. Gino stood out. Those long braided weaves, his smooth mocha skin, full lips, high cheekbones. Colby remembered going into heat when Gino entered the county detention facility to pick up a youth that had mistakenly been brought to jail on an expired warrant. It wasn’t as if Colby could tap someone on the shoulder, whistle and say, ‘Wow, who’s that?’ Colby had been burned. Burned from a source that would forever color his attitude on life. From that time on, Colby was 21

G.A. Hauser very careful to expose his feelings, his nature, and his thoughts. He’d closed down. He knew that. No one in his family kept in touch with him. He tried for a year when he returned to civilian life. It was an impossible transition to handle alone. He was used to being deployed. He’d been twice to Iraq and once to Afghanistan. He dreaded going back to Afghanistan again. Well, he didn’t have to worry about it now. Exhausted, mentally fatigued, he continued to suffer for decisions that were made without his input or choice. His doctor suggested the job at the juvenile facility. If Colby was honest with himself, he’d never have taken it. He was getting weary of being around uniformed paramilitary men; homophobes with rightwing points of view. The advantages for ex-military vets to apply to the police forces or any state, city or county organization, made it hard to pass up. And in this economy, he couldn’t be choosy. It paid for the rent and gave him health insurance. It may not be the best solution, but it was the easiest. Colby heard Gino’s deep slumbering breaths and smiled ironically. Lucky Gino. No thoughts plaguing his nights. There were days Colby sank into dark depths. He assumed everyone had their up and down days. Having no idea if his were worse than any other military guy returning from war, he didn’t know what to think. What was he supposed to do? Take pills? No. He worked out. He beat up his body with weights and running. That had to be better than anti-depressant pills. He wouldn’t discuss his conversations with his army shrink with a soul. Not even with Gino who had a degree in psychology and was a youth counselor. How long would this relationship last? Colby was surprised they’d made it this long. For the first four months they got together sporadically. Once, twice a month? Sex and goodbye. 22

It Takes a Man Colby never dreamed of asking Gino to sleep over. It was up to Gino. Gino. That’s what he called himself. Gino’s real name was Tyrone. Tyrone Williams. What difference does it make? He wants to be called Gino. “Wish you were my Gino.” Colby kissed his head softly, cuddling. Sitting on the sofa earlier, Colby envisioned nestling into Gino’s shirt or lap, snuggling, but didn’t. Was that a girly thing to do? He and Gino never ‘snuggled’ on the sofa. Maybe that was why Colby felt so isolated. He told his shrink he wasn’t good at communicating. Never had been. Without a backup plan, Colby assumed he’d be in the military until he retired. It didn’t work out that way. Now he had to deal with civilian life and was struggling. Sleep! he cried in his head. Closing his eyes, holding onto Gino like he was his teddy bear, Colby focused on Gino’s breathing, allowing it to lull him into slumber. Gino felt movement beside him. He opened his eyes and noticed Colby thrashing under the covers. “Not again.” Gino touched Colby’s shoulder. “Col. Wake up. Colby.” Colby sat up like a rocket, pulling back his arm as if ready to deliver a punch. “Whoa!” Gino held up his hands. “You were dreaming, man! Don’t hit me!” The veils fell from Colby’s eyes, his body went slack and he covered his face. Gino touched his shoulder, feeling sweat coating Colby’s skin. “If you start using me as a punching bag at night, I’m not going to sleep here.” Gino laughed, trying to make it a joke but Colby didn’t react with humor. A moan came from Colby. As Gino was about to console him, Colby stumbled off the bed and out of the room. Glancing at the digital alarm clock, 23

G.A. Hauser Gino noticed it was only three. They hadn’t been asleep for very long, and this wasn’t the first time Colby’d had nightmares, but it was the first time he’d tried to hit him. Gino was torn between helping Colby and getting the hell away from him. “I don’t need this shit.” He waited, wondering if Colby would come back on his own. Climbing out of bed, Gino found Colby lying on top of the mattress in the second bedroom. “Are you coming back?” “I’ll sleep here. I don’t want to bother you.” “Come to bed.” Gino held out his hand. Like it took a huge effort, Colby stood, following Gino back to their bedroom. “You want to talk about it?” “No.” He never did. Gino climbed under the comforter with him. “Can I get you anything? A glass of water?” “I’m not a charity case. You don’t have to treat me like one.” “Am I doing that? Or am I just a good friend who cares?” Gino wasn’t prepared for Colby’s angry glare. “Whatever.” He gave Colby his back and tried to get to sleep. He could hear Colby mutter, “A good friend,” sarcastically. Guilt hit Gino. What else were they? Partners? Committed to each other? No. They hadn’t even spoken about being exclusive. Gino wasn’t seeing anyone else, but that was beside the point. He scooted backwards until his back and bottom met Colby’s crotch. Colby responded by spooning him, snaking his arms around Gino’s torso. “Go to sleep, soldier boy.” He felt Colby press his face against his back for comfort. Gino wished he had the energy to give Colby what he needed, but he wasn’t trained for it. He was a youth counselor, not an army psychiatrist.

24

 

Chapter Three As usual, if he and Colby didn’t discuss work, they didn’t talk about anything. While the morning television news report informed them of the rain and the traffic snarls on I-5, something they didn’t need to be reminded of since it was the same every day, Gino sipped his coffee, thinking. He didn’t want to come over tonight. He wanted to stay home and get a good night of uninterrupted sleep. But he didn’t say anything when he left Colby’s apartment and headed to work. Gino sat at his computer in his office typing a report. On his third latte, Gino tapped the keyboard documenting the analysis of another screwed up teenager. It was a constant stream of clients to try and fix with an overloaded system that believed in incarceration instead of treatment. Five years he’d been doing it. Same job he had gotten right out of the U. What else could he do if he didn’t like it any longer? Everyone was being laid off or having their benefits cut. But he was growing restless lately. In the beginning he thought he could change the world, one child at a time. Five years later? Ha! He was lucky to change anything, especially bad behavior. “Gino?” Hailey tapped his door from outside. “Come in.”

 

G.A. Hauser “I’ve got someone waiting.” “Okay.” He saved his report and removed it from the screen, signing off. Hailey gestured to a young man who was not escorted by the police for a change. “My name is Gino Williams.” Gino extended his hand to a woman he assumed was the young man’s mother. “What can I do for you?” “My son Devonne needs help.” Hailey handed Gino a clipboard with a filled-out form. Gino read the woman’s name on it. Devonne was indeed her son. “Okay, Mrs. Kelly. Let’s go speak somewhere in private.” Gino gestured for both Devonne and his mother to enter a small interview room, complete with a table and chairs. He closed the door behind them and inspected the young man. Neatly dressed, eye glasses, closely cropped afro, the youth didn’t seem to fit the usual clientele of gang affiliates. Putting aside the clipboard, Gino folded his hands on the table. “Feel free to tell me anything you need to. These interviews are confidential.” After taking a moment to compose herself, Mrs. Kelly said, “My husband was killed while serving in Iraq.” Gino suppressed a full-blown cringe and nodded. “Devonne isn’t handling it well.” She looked at her son who appeared to be daydreaming. “He’s begun doing things he’s never done before.” “Like?” Gino watched Devonne. He didn’t move. “Small things. Stealing from neighbors and other children. I know this is his way of coping. But he’s been a good student and I don’t want him to end up in jail.” “Devonne?” Gino said. The boy shrugged but didn’t make eye contact. “Do you want to talk about your dad?” “No.” “We understand that you’re hurt and angry.” Devonne’s expression became hostile. “Talk to me.” 26

It Takes a Man “He never should have gone to that stupid Iraq!” Devonne screamed. “I know.” Gino nodded, seeing Mrs. Kelly dab at the corner of her eye. “Stupid war! Why is there a war! Why did my dad go? That stuff over there has nothing to do with us. He died for nothing!” “No. He died serving his country. Devonne, your dad’s a hero.” “I hate them! I hate them for making him go!” Devonne broke down into tears. His mother caressed his arm and Gino knew she was barely holding it together herself. “What would your dad think of you if he knew you’ve been caught stealing?” Gino spoke softly, nudging a box of tissues closer to both of them. Devonne still appeared defiant. “No one wanted this to happen, Devonne. But don’t ruin your future with a criminal record. Your dad would never want you to do that.” “He’s right, Devonne. Think about that.” Devonne started sobbing. His mother brought him closer, holding onto him. “It’s the first he’s cried.” She smiled through her own tears. “Maybe he just needs to cry.” Gino nodded tacitly, thinking about Colby. What the hell do they do to those guys over there? Why is this so fucked up? Squatting with a loaded bar of weights on his neck, Colby faced the wall of mirrors in North Seattle Gym. The work day had been particularly rough. He had to restrain a youth that was high on crack. He used flex cuffs on the man’s ankles and wrists, hogtieing him as Juan practically sat on the young man to hold him still. Even as they carried him to the admitting area of the detention facility, the youth spit and swore, bucking at the confinement. Colby felt sick. The job would be okay if no one got violent. 27

G.A. Hauser Making an excuse to go to the men’s room, Colby puked after. He had seen enough violence to last him a few hundred lifetimes. No more. His mind and body couldn’t deal with it. The event happened first thing in the morning so he had all day to recuperate. Nothing noteworthy occurred after. Except Gino hadn’t returned his text message. Lunchtime Colby had typed, “hi. coming by 2nite?” At five he checked again. Nothing. Gino was always good at returning his messages. Obviously not tonight. Colby set the bar on the mat and caught his breath. He’d intended to buy Gino a membership at this club for Christmas but maybe that wasn’t a good idea. At the moment, Colby didn’t think he and Gino would last that long. The gym was getting busy. The after-five crowd had begun arriving. Colby wiped his forehead with his arm and readied for another set of squats, not making eye-contact with a soul. There were some regulars he recognized but he didn’t want to become friendly or get bothered by small talk. He wanted to work out and go home. As he exercised, Colby wondered if it was the lousy sleep that was making poor Gino’s life miserable. His nightmares and tossing and turning keeping Gino awake at night. That’s the new issue between them, wasn’t it? His night sweats? His panic attacks? He finished his repetitions and removed the heavy plates from the bar, putting them back on the rack. “Ya done, man?” “Huh?” Colby felt out of it. “Yeah.” He backed up to allow another member access to the weights. Looking around, feeling claustrophobic at the bulging crowd, Colby headed to the locker to change. Once he was in his pickup truck he gave in and called Gino. Voicemail. He didn’t leave a message. Scrolling down his list of contacts, Colby found his shrink’s number. He was supposed to call ‘anytime’ he needed to. Did he need to? 28

It Takes a Man He threw his phone onto the seat next to him and drove home. The wind was whipping branches and debris all over the road. It was as miserable out as he felt inside. Parking in his assigned spot at the apartment, Colby felt both hungry and sick to his stomach at the same time. He walked up the three flights with his gym bag and opened the door. It was cold and dark inside his unit. He dropped the bag, turned on lights and checked the thermostat, upping it a degree until the heat kicked on. Then he went for a beer. Using an opener he uncapped it and stood in the middle of the kitchen sucking it down. Something caught his eye. He crossed the floor to a side table and picked up a framed five by seven photo. He and Fox in their ACU’s and helmets standing in front of a hummer in Zarqa. That was right before one of their worst battles against armed militants. He put the photo back and finished his beer. Dropping like cement onto the sofa, Colby turned on the TV and unlaced his shoes as he watched the news. Gino climbed the stairs. He was so tired he could barely function. The traffic from downtown was brutal. Accidents seemed to be on every corner creating obstacles and delaying detours. When he opened the unit door he found Colby on the couch, three empty beer bottles on the coffee table in front of him. Colby looked as worn out as Gino felt. He closed the door and stood in front of Colby. “I didn’t think you were coming. I called and texted you several times.” “I fucking dropped my mobile into a puddle. Died instantly.” Colby nodded, but still looked awful. Gino collapsed next to him. “I’d ask you if you were all right, but you always say yeah.” “You want to hear I suck?” 29

G.A. Hauser “If you do.” “Sure ya do.” Colby tipped a last drop of beer onto his tongue from an empty bottle. “Did you eat?” “No.” Gino stood, reaching for the cordless phone and a Chinese food menu from off the top of the fridge. “Usual?” Colby nodded. “Hello, I’d like to order food delivered, please?” Gino stared at Colby as he spoke on the phone. Colby really appeared drained. More than usual. He rattled off his order and was given the amount he needed to pay. “Thank you.” Gino hung up and took cash out of his wallet, setting it near the door. He returned to the sofa and muted the sound on the television which was showing sports highlights. “Did something happen?” Colby rubbed his eyes. “Just shit.” “Shit you want to talk about?” “It’s nothing. Just had to restrain a kid.” Gino grimaced and watched the videos of football plays from the last week of games. Colby said, “I knew that was the same thing we argued about yesterday. That’s why I don’t talk.” “Why is it I’ve never had to do that?” “Because you don’t work in detention.” “I work with the same kids. Can’t you talk to them?” “I tried. He was wasted on crack or crank, or whatever the fuck they call it now.” “So you cuffed him?” Did he want to know? “Hogtied.” “Jesus Christ. Was he black?” Colby recoiled in shock. “What the fuck did you just ask me?” “I asked you if he was black.” Standing up, putting distance between them, Colby clenched his fists. 30

It Takes a Man Gino waited for an answer. Appearing about to combust, Colby left the room. I should have gone with my gut instinct and not come here. Why did I? “Fine.” Gino walked to the bedroom door to let Colby know he was leaving. When he looked into the room, Colby was sitting on the bed, facing away from him, his head in his hands. Flashes of seeing Devonne Kelly cry about his dead Staff Sergeant father washed over Gino. “Colby.” “He was white.” Instantly Gino felt stupid for asking. He approached, getting a better look at Colby. “I threw up after.” Gino blinked and thought about it. “Was it that bad? Did it get messy?” “No. I got messy. The kid was all right.” Feeling like an idiot, Gino sat down beside Colby, leaning on his shoulder. “I’m sorry.” Colby met his eyes. “How could you think I would treat anyone differently just because of their color?” “I don’t. I just had a shitty day too.” “I don’t know if I can do this job, Gino. It’s fine until I have to get hands on. Then I get sick. I can’t do this physical violence any longer. I’ve had enough. All I wanted was a desk job at the base, not this.” “Quit.” “Quit,” Colby repeated with a sarcastic laugh. “And do what?” “Go back to college and do anything. You’ve got the GI Bill to help you out.” “Go back to college? I’m thirty. That’s way too old and I won’t be able to support myself and go to class.” “What would you do if you could do anything?” Gino rubbed Colby’s back, feeling that constant boiling heat radiating off his muscular body. 31

G.A. Hauser Colby let out a tiny laugh and didn’t answer. Gino nudged him playfully to fess up. “I’d act.” “No!” Gino cracked up. “Really? Like in drama?” “No. Television. Movies.” Hiding his smile under his hand, Gino didn’t know if Colby was serious. “Why don’t you pick being an astronaut, you’d have a better chance.” “That’s why I never talk.” Colby looked defeated. “Are you for real?” The buzzer sounded. Gino had nearly forgotten their Chinese food order. He rose up and headed to the door, pushing the intercom button, unlocking the lobby. “I’ll be right back,” Gino called to Colby, grabbed the cash and jogged down the stairs, meeting the young delivery boy on the way up. “Here ya go. Keep the change.” “Thanks.” The delivery boy took the money and handed over the bag of food. When Gino returned, Colby was setting the table. Placing the bag down, Gino removed the white boxes, soy sauce, chopsticks, and fortune cookies. They sat opposite each other, spooning out piles of white rice, Kung Pao chicken and beef in black bean sauce. As he ate, Gino stared at Colby, thinking about what he had said. Yes, it was preposterous to think Colby had a chance in hell at being a Hollywood star, but… “You’re good looking enough, Colby, but ya gotta ditch the brooding.” “Screw you,” Colby said, but laughed. “See? Better already.” Gino chewed his mouthful. “You have a great smile, man. I just never see it.” “What’s there to smile about, Gino?” “You made it home alive from the war.” Colby stopped eating and stared at Gino. “I had a kid in my office today.” Originally Gino wasn’t going to discuss it, but it seemed right. “His dad was killed in Iraq. He took it hard and started acting out.” 32

It Takes a Man Colby looked down at his plate, as if contemplating. “So, you got home alive, babe. Be happy about that.” “My body made it home. I don’t know about the rest of me.” “Take it a day at a time.” “It’s what I am doing.” Colby resumed eating. “Need another thing for you to smile about?” Colby stopped chewing, nodding for Gino to continue his thought. “You’re gonna get lucky.” Seeing the bright grin on Colby’s face was worth a lot to Gino. He winked. “Pass the rice, lucky dog.” Colby handed him the white container, appearing shy. Once he and Gino cleared the table, Colby held Gino’s hand and brought him to the bedroom. Hearing Gino’s low seductive laugh made the goose bumps rise on Colby’s arms. He urged Gino to recline on the bed, lying over him, bracing himself up on his arms to stare at him. “You can get away with those green eyes, babe. I can’t.” “You never tried them.” “I don’t think I can do contacts. But you look so hot.” “Come here.” Gino reached behind Colby’s head. When they kissed Colby rested his weight on Gino, cupping his jaw in both hands. The touch of Gino’s mouth sent a bolt of lightning to Colby’s crotch. Even fully clothed the sensuous caressing was thrilling to Colby. “Damn, you always smell good.” Gino sniffed his neck. “Good enough to eat?” “You want some?” Gino teased. “I always want some.” Colby ground his hips into Gino’s. “Bring it here.” Gino pointed to his mouth. Colby leapt off the bed and stripped. “Man, are you horny.” Gino laughed, removing his garments as well. “I can’t help it. You get me crazy.” Colby pulled on his cock as he stared at Gino. 33

G.A. Hauser “You want to do it yourself?” “Only if you want me to.” Colby would do anything Gino wanted. Anything. “I’m kidding. Come up here.” Gino patted the bed. Joining Gino, side by side on the fluffy quilt, Colby kept still as Gino kissed him, making his way down his body. The rush of pleasure made Colby’s cock rigid. Watching this fabulously pretty man getting ready to go down on him had Colby ready to come. With one touch on his sternum, Gino nudged Colby to his back. As Gino drew closer to his cock, Colby’s chest rose and fell rapidly. Gino spent time kissing and licking the tip of Colby’s dick, tickling the slit and under the head. All of Colby’s muscles tighten at the sensation. Gino climbed over Colby’s leg, positioning himself between his thighs. As Gino squeezed his quads, Colby was reminded of his earlier work out. His legs were sore from his squats. The thought of buying Gino a membership surfaced again. “How you doin’, babe?” “Holy shit. About to blow the minute you suck.” Gino laughed. “Then get ready to blow.” Colby held his breath in anticipation. Engulfing his entire length into his mouth, Gino drew hard, handling Colby’s balls. The rush shot up Colby’s body and he knew it wouldn’t take much. He loved being inside Gino. It didn’t matter which hole. Gino found Colby’s rim and massaged it. The minute Gino dipped his finger inside, Colby came. His body jerked forward and he closed his eyes. Gino continued sucking and Colby kept coming. Finally spent, Colby caught his breath, resting his hand on his chest and feeling his racing heart through his palm. “Thank you, Gino, it was amazing.” Gino sat up and wiped his mouth. “My turn?” Colby spread his legs. 34

It Takes a Man “Roll over.” Gino twirled his finger in the air. Heaving his body weight with an effort, Colby spun to face the bed, the pillow crushed under his cheek. As he waited for Gino to prepare for their sex, Colby rested his tense body. He didn’t mind bottoming, he’d done it before. While he was in Iraq, he had been exclusively bottom, but he didn’t want to think about those acts. “Ready?” Colby nodded. Gino coaxed Colby’s hips upward until he was on his knees. At the first sensation of Gino’s pressure on his rim, Colby clamped his eyes shut and blocked out an image. He buried his face into the pillow. When it wouldn’t vanish, he opened his eyes and looked through his own legs at Gino’s. Gino was making love to him. Gino. “My Gino.” “Am I yours?” Gino inched in until he had complete penetration. Colby didn’t mean to say that out loud, so he didn’t answer. “Still okay?” “Yes.” Colby felt like he was lying. A wave of bad memories hit him like a poltergeist. Gino wrapped his arm around Colby’s waist, beginning a more determined pace. Colby bit the pillow and cursed himself for allowing horrible images to crowd his already suffering soul. “Talk,” Colby said, “Moan. I need to hear you.” “Okay, babe.” Gino quickened his thrusting. “Fuck! Colby, it’s good. So good.” Colby released some of his tension and said, “More.” “Your ass, baby, your ass is so tight.” “Come.” “I am…oh, don’t worry. I am.” Colby held onto the pillow and felt Gino’s cock throbbing inside him, heard Gino’s deep throaty grunt of pleasure. When Gino pulled out, Colby rolled over, staring at him as he removed the condom. 35

G.A. Hauser “That was awesome, babe.” Biting his lip, Colby didn’t answer. Gino stretched out beside him and smiled. “Nice.” He tilted his head and asked, “You okay?” Colby’s eyes stung. “With the day you had today, why didn’t you just tell me no?” “I’ll never tell you no.” “Colby Hollinger, I seriously cannot figure you out.” “I’m not asking you to try.” Colby didn’t want to make Gino angry. “What are you asking me?” Love me. Don’t leave me. “Colby?” Gino cupped his jaw. “I have to tell you, the biggest problem we have is communication. You don’t talk to me.” “You don’t want to deal with what I have to say.” “How do you know that?” “Because I wouldn’t want to deal with it if I were you.” “I do it for a living. I help counsel people.” “Kids. You help kids.” Gino appeared miffed. “Look,” Colby toyed with one of Gino’s braids. “I appreciate it. But just don’t leave me because of this.” “Why should I leave then?” An icy sensation grew in Colby’s gut. “You are breaking up with me, aren’t you?” “Breaking up? Are we a couple?” “Aren’t we?” Gino rolled to his back and huffed out a loud exhale. Colby scooted closer and caressed his chest. “I don’t see anyone else.” Gino didn’t reply. Colby had no idea if it was because Gino had been dating around, or he simply had no retort at the moment. “I know I’m a mess. I don’t blame you.” Gino clasped Colby’s hand to his heart. “You’d be less of a mess if you let this shit out. Stop bottling it up.” 36

It Takes a Man Trying to retract his hand, Colby felt Gino tighten his grip. You think I’m going to tell you what happened to me in the military? Are you kidding me? I can’t even tell my shrink. “Dead silence,” Gino said, “My usual answer.” “Please. Gino.” “Please what? You keep inferring we have a relationship. Well, let me tell ya something, Col, all we have is a physical relationship. We don’t have an emotional connection.” “I want one.” Colby was breaking inside. “Well?” Gino splayed out his palms in an obvious gesture. “You never talk about yourself either.” “Now you sound like a baby.” “No. I’m not. What have you told me?” Colby sat up, crossing his legs. “I don’t know anything except work stuff. Nothing about your family, your background, other than you went to the U for a degree in psych.” “My favorite color is purple.” “If you think this is funny, it isn’t.” Gino sat facing him, nose to nose. “No. It isn’t funny. And to be honest, it’s getting on my nerves.” “I knew you would break up with me.” “You’re pushing me away. Don’t you see that?” “How?” Colby opened his arms in a gesture which mimicked Gino’s. “By not telling you the nightmare I suffered in the military? That’s how I’m pushing you away?” “In some ways, yes. How am I supposed to understand you if you don’t talk to me?” “I don’t want you to know those things.” Colby read fury on Gino’s face and shut up. “That didn’t come out right.” “No. It did. It came out exactly right.” Gino got off the bed, reaching for his clothing. “I want to, but I’m afraid to.” Colby began trembling. Gino paused and faced him. “What kind of a relationship is that? You’re afraid to talk to me?” Colby ran his hand over his head, feeling the short bristles of his hair. “If you knew what I went through…” 37

G.A. Hauser “I’d what?” Gino crossed his arms. “Leave? Like I’m about to now?” “Don’t leave.” Colby reached his hand out. “Come on, Gino.” “This is becoming a merry-go-round for me. I can’t handle it. I have too much stress at work.” “Exactly!” Colby pointed at him. “You think I want to burden you with my psychological bullshit? Add to your work stress? Come on, what kind of a boyfriend does that?” Gino crawled onto the bed and grabbed Colby’s face. “A good partner does that. That’s what kind. A man who cares for another man. An unselfish man does that. What do you think of me if you can’t trust me with your burdens?” “I trust you,” Colby said, “I just think it’s needless junk that our relationship doesn’t need.” “You got it backwards, Colby.” Gino climbed off the bed and continued to dress. “I can’t continue this relationship by myself.” Colby jumped to the floor. “I’m already seeing a shrink.” As if he would get punched, Colby flinched. Gino stopped tucking in his shirt, paying attention. “An army shrink.” “Okay.” Gino nodded for him to keep talking. “I…I can’t even tell him.” “Why not? What are you seeing him for then?” “I don’t know.” “Look. I told you about that kid I saw today. The one whose dad died in combat.” Colby nodded. “His mom said it was the first time he cried since he found out. Today. In my office.” Colby had no intention of crying in front of Gino. “And finally, that kid may be able to cope and recover. But he had to deal with it first. You get me?” “Yes.” I am not dealing with any of this. Gino tucked in the rest of his shirt. “You’re still leaving?” 38

It Takes a Man “I am. Just think about things. Okay?” Colby followed him to the door. “I can’t convince you to hang out?” “I really need a good night’s rest.” “I’ll sleep in the other room.” “No. It’s okay.” “And you don’t have a cell phone now either.” Colby was getting a very sinking feeling about this. “Not now. I have to get a new one. I told you. I dropped the stupid thing into a puddle.” Gino stepped into his shoes and put on his coat. “I’m never going to see you again, am I?” “I didn’t say never.” “You just need space or something. Believe me, I know all the break up lines.” “Babe.” Gino held Colby’s chin. “I want this to work, but I can’t make love every night to a stranger. I need to know you.” “Then stay.” Colby tugged at Gino’s braids. “I’ll call you.” Gino kissed Colby’s lips. Hiding his nakedness behind the door as Gino opened it, Colby watched him walk down the hall until he vanished into the stairwell. Shutting the door, Colby leaned against it and felt the loneliness of the apartment. He’d lost him. He knew that. No one ever came back after those break up lines. Gino drove home with a heavy heart. In some ways he felt as if he was adding problems to an already troubled soul. But you can’t help those who can’t help themselves, can you? He pulled into the parking lot of his apartment complex on Queen Anne Hill. The interior of his unit felt cold from when he turned down the thermostat. It didn’t make sense to heat a home he wasn’t using. After he tossed his jacket and shoulder bag on the kitchen table, he dropped into a chair to think. Was he breaking up with Colby? He didn’t know the answer to that question. 39

 

Chapter Four The next morning, Colby called in sick. He put on a pair of sweatpants, a t-shirt, a rain slicker and his running shoes. Standing at his closet, he tugged a wool cap over his head and stretched his leg muscles at the door. Checking he had his keys tucked into his sweatpants’ pocket, Colby jogged down the three flights of stairs and out the lobby door into the rain. Quickly getting soaked, he headed south on Greenwood Avenue from One-hundred and fifteenth Street, as the traffic snarled and splashed, while wiper blades pushed the water off of windshields. His shrink left a message on his mobile phone reminding him of his appointment. It was pointless to go. He wanted to get advice about keeping Gino but that wasn’t the reason he was seeing the psychiatrist in the first place. Turning right on Eighty-fifth, Colby jogged the route he usual ran on weekends. Ten miles? Give or take a few. If he didn’t have his exercise he’d go insane. Thanksgiving was approaching and in the dark dreary morning, Colby could see Christmas lights were hanging everywhere, soaking wet. They said there’d be snow at Christmas…but instead it just kept on raining. Colby sung the sad yuletide song in his head as he ran, trying not to think, but always thinking anyway.

 

It Takes a Man When Gino’s phone was fixed, would Gino call him? Colby didn’t want to date anyone else anymore. This was the end. If he and Gino didn’t work out, he planned on throwing in the towel. Then again, he and Gino didn’t start off on the right foot. They clashed. “Don’t handle the boy like that!” “Like what? He spit at me.” “He spat at you because of your attitude.” “My attitude? I just told him to come with me to the holding area.” Spitting may seem minor, but Colby knew it was actually an assault with the possibility of hepatitis or viral diseases. He didn’t want to get nailed with salvia in the eye. Not only that, but all Colby did was grab the kid’s arm and turn him the other way to get out of spitting range. Colby assumed his chance at dating Gino was gone after that. But he did some research. He located Gino’s name on the boy’s paperwork and found out where he worked. For days Colby stared at his office phone number, terrified to call. At first glance, Colby made an assumption that Gino was gay. His appearance gave him away with his long flowing braids, green contacts, immaculate clothing, smoothly shaven jaw, and shining black shoes. And there was something else. When Gino grew upset he adopted flamboyant mannerisms; hands on hips, flipping his wrist. Call it gay-dar, call it what you want, but there wasn’t a doubt in Colby’s mind Gino was gay. Gino ever saying yes to going out with him? Big doubt. The sweat began to mix with the rain, running into Colby’s eyes. He used his wool cap to wipe it off, pulling it down his forehead. 41

G.A. Hauser Heading to Ballard, Colby was glad he was on foot because the cars weren’t moving anywhere in the downpour of the morning rush. As he jogged through the commercial core, taking Eightyfifth to Fifteenth Avenue, down to Northwest Market Street, he avoided pedestrians with umbrellas in one hand and lattes in the other, dashing to and from illegally parked cars. Being alone for the coming holidays was another stressor. Colby had a notion to head to Ft Lewis for Thanksgiving dinner. There he knew he’d be welcome. Or would he? His shrink told him he’d be okay. Trust in his supervisors and the ‘system’ had left Colby when he was discharged a year ago. He turned left on Phinney Avenue dreading the hill up to the ridge. Though he was soaked to the skin, he was boiling hot. Pumping his legs, still feeling the squats from the day before at the gym, Colby was tough. This little jaunt in the rain was nothing. Making it to the top, he jogged past the Woodland Park Zoo with intentions of heading to Greenlake for his last leg. Back down the other side of Phinney ridge, Colby crossed under Aurora Ave, hearing the noise of the heavy commuter load above splashing the flooded pavement. Greenlake appeared before him. An oasis in the midst of the city. He hit the tarmac trail around it, seeing very few strollers out in the inclement weather. In his opinion, if you were a Seattleite who didn’t go out in the rain, you’d live in your house year round. Pounding the path, Colby had a runner’s high at the moment and increased his speed. He wished he and his family were connected. But his parents and his brothers hadn’t spoken to him since his discharge, and he had lost touch with his cousins years ago. There was no one. He lived and breathed army for so long, he lost everything else. But in the end, he lost that too. 42

It Takes a Man The suicide rate for this past year for the military was about to set a new record. Colby could relate. Sometimes it crossed his mind. But he wasn’t ready to suck on a gun barrel yet. Running back onto city streets, away from the quiet haven of Greenlake, Colby increased his pace again towards the home stretch, Greenlake Drive to Eighty-fifth, then back to Greenwood Ave. He was glad he had called in sick. Sick of working. Sick of being the bad guy. Sick of dealing with violence and hiding his sexuality around macho guards. What else would I do, Gino? And you laughed in my face when I told you my dream. Nice one. Colby wasn’t surprised. Everyone would laugh at him if he told them he wanted to act. He didn’t really hold it against Gino for the reaction. The scent of Gino’s cologne wafted over him for some reason. Colby moaned as he envisioned Gino naked on his bed. Rounding the bend from Eighty-fifth to Greenwood, Colby sprinted all the way to One-hundred and fifteenth where his apartment house was. He came up gasping, stood at the door, gulping air and digging his key out of his pocket. Dripping, saturated through the rain parka, the wool cap, sweats and his socks, Colby climbed the stairs to his unit. Standing in the bathroom, he stripped off his wet clothing and headed to the kitchen for water. As he guzzled a bottle, he heard his mobile phone. He followed the ringtone to his night table, expecting it to be his shrink again. He didn’t recognize the number. “Hello?” “Hey.” “Did you get a new phone?” “Yeah. I need to get it loaded again with all my contacts. What a pain in the ass.” Colby glanced down at himself. Just hearing Gino’s voice made his cock thicken. “I didn’t think you’d call after last night.” 43

G.A. Hauser “Can you talk? Are you busy?” “I’m home…I called in sick.” “Oh? Are you sick?” “No. Not physically. I can’t account for myself mentally, though.” Colby laughed softly. “You sound out of breath.” “I just came back from my run.” “Your run? Your big run?” “Yeah.” Colby returned to the kitchen, tossed the empty water bottle out, then stood in the bathroom, staring at his body in the mirror as he spoke to the man he was crazy about. “It’s pouring.” “I know. What can you do?” “You can go to the gym and do it on the treadmill.” “Nah. I like running outside. Inside is for lifting.” Colby felt as if they were once again skirting the issue. He cleared his throat. “Am…am I going to see you again?” A pause followed where Colby heard Gino take a deep breath. “Never mind. I was about to shower.” Colby stared at the pile of wet clothing on the floor. “I’ll call you later.” “Okay.” More silence followed, then Colby said, “Bye, babe.” “Bye, Col.” Colby disconnected the call and stared at the phone. Everything was so hard. Why did it have to be like this? Gino flipped closed his phone and stared into space. The break room was empty at the moment and his coffee was going cold in his mug. The craving he had for Colby confused him. Colby wasn’t his type. Was he? A white ex-army staff sergeant with tattoos, who looked like he could be either a federal agent or a Hell’s Angel? 44

It Takes a Man “Damn, I like that boy.” Gino chewed his fingertip as he lost his focus again. Yearning Colby’s touch was like a gnawing ache in his gut. When his mobile phone rang, his heart skipped, hoping it was Colby. He read another number and put it to his ear. “Hey, what’s up, bro?” “You just sent me a text with a new phone number.” “I did.” Gino smiled. “You off today, Ken?” “No. On patrol. Slow at the moment.” “I can’t believe I have a brother who’s a stupid cop.” Gino laughed. “And I can’t believe you’re a gay youth counselor. So shut up, we’re even.” “You’re my best kept secret. I hate telling anyone I’ve got one of ‘those’ in the family.” “You stupid on purpose?” “I’m just givin’ ya shit.” Gino didn’t approve of his brother’s career choice, but he did love him. “Dave and I want you to get your ass out with us and have a beer.” “Dave Harris? You still see him? I thought he was with the FBI now at Quantico.” “He is. He and his partner are hanging out in Seattle for the holidays, catching up on old friends and trying to mend fences with his parents.” “Ah,” Gino replied. “Who you seein’ now?” Gino thought about that answer but didn’t reply. “Hello?” Ken asked. “Uh…” “Uhh…” Ken echoed. “Did I ask a trick question?” Gino could hear the police radio in the background, and visualized Ken wearing his blue Seattle Police uniform and sitting in his patrol car. “Is he some recovering drug skank you don’t want me to meet? How bad is he?” “No. Nothing like that.” 45

G.A. Hauser “He some hippie freak with long hair and fake eyes? Like you?” Ken laughed. “Hippie freak? What era are you living in?” The comment made Gino choke. “Uh no, he’s not a hippie.” “Never mind. If you’re embarrassed for me to meet him, come alone.” “When are you seeing David?” “Tonight. We’re headed to Highway Ninety-nine.” “After your shift?” “Yeah, ‘round nine. You in?” “I wouldn’t mind seeing David again.” “You two have a lot in common.” “Shut up.” Gino knew his brother meant they were both gay. He noticed Hailey step into the room and wave at him. “I have to go.” “Call later if you can make it.” “Okay, bye, Ken.” Gino pocketed his phone. “There’s someone here for you.” “Thanks, Hailey.” Gino placed his mug in the sink and followed her out. In just his gym shorts, Colby sat in front of his computer. He spent a few minutes reading over his VA benefits. Did he have options? After printing off a few pages to read later, he checked Gino’s Facebook page. Gino’s status still read ‘single’. Colby had changed his to ‘in a relationship’. That should tell me something right there. He admired Gino’s profile picture. “Why are you so incredible?” A few of Gino’s contacts had sent Gino friendship invitations and said hello. He checked Gino’s list of friends. There were nearly a hundred, mostly from his graduating class at the University of Washington. The list included work colleagues mixed with high school and grade school friends. The last time Colby had checked Gino’s profile out was when he set up an account just so he could ‘friend’ Gino after their first date. Colby only had Gino on his friend list. He didn’t 46

It Takes a Man bother looking for people and didn’t post a photo or any other information. He scanned the pages, noticing possible family members had located Gino’s site as well now. Ken Williams? Colby clicked his photo. The site was closed to only Ken’s friends. Colby felt like he was spying, but really he was just missing Gino. Yet, friends of Ken Williams appeared. Colby noticed someone in a police uniform and dug a little deeper. Ken Williams was connected to a huge network of employees from the City of Seattle, including cops. “What the hell?” Gino has a family member who’s a cop and he rants at me? Colby flipped open his cell phone, steaming mad. Before he dialed he set the phone aside. “What are you going to do? You don’t even know this is actually a relative or some guy with the same last name.” The information he located in his search made him depressed so he shut down the computer. Scuffing his heels, he lay down on his bed and stared at the ceiling. He hadn’t eaten yet today and felt too worn out to try to feed himself. All he wanted to do was sleep. He curled up in the fetal position and rested, but never closed his eyes. Five o’clock, Gino walked to his car in the lot. The thought of going home to an empty apartment and eating alone bothered him. Seated in his car, Gino slouched down and tried to think. Maybe Colby wasn’t the only one in this relationship keeping things back. He hadn’t revealed anything about his family, his cop brother, his childhood, when he came out, nothing. Why? Why didn’t he and Colby chat? Gino was beginning to see his own fears reflected in Colby. How was he going to introduce a man who looked like Colby Hollinger to his friends? The man is the opposite of what he appears to be. 47

G.A. Hauser “Why am I so paranoid about what others think?” Gino started the car. “I’m worse than he is.” Colby dozed on and off. The clouds had made the interior of the apartment dim all day. But now that the sun had set it was dark in the room. He heard a key in the lock and sat up. “Col?” Colby leapt off the bed and jogged towards him. “Why is it dark in here?” Gino turned on the light in the kitchen. Shielding his eyes from the glare, Colby took a minute to get used to the brightness. “Baby. Will you please talk to me?” Gino dropped his shoulder bag on the floor and took off his coat. “I thought you’d given up on me.” A look of regret flashed across Gino’s fine features. “Did you eat?” “No.” “Are you hungry?” Colby shrugged, tentatively reaching out to touch Gino’s cheek. Gino took him into his arms. “Help me get this right. I can’t do it alone.” “I’ll try. I want you with me.” With a wicked smile, Gino ran his tongue over one of Colby’s tattoos. “I’m with you.” Colby felt his heart warm in his chest. Visions had haunted him all day that he would never get to touch Gino again. Cupping Gino’s jaw, Colby pressed their lips together. Gino’s body went slack against him. Using the tip of his tongue, Colby traced the width of Gino’s lips until Gino parted them, then he touched the tip of Gino’s tongue with his own. It made Gino moan with desire. Colby clasped Gino’s hand and led him to the bedroom. With a quick movement he yanked off his gym shorts, getting naked for his lover. 48

It Takes a Man While Gino sat on the bed, he kept his gaze on Colby as he removed his shoes. “Get over here, army man.” Closing the gap between them, Colby ran his fingers over the braids which were still tied in a ponytail behind Gino’s head. Gino licked and kissed Colby’s chest, working his way to a nipple. As Gino sucked, Colby’s cock engorged, pressing against Gino’s shirt. Not wanting to get pre-cum on his designer label attire, Colby wrapped his fingers around the head of his dick, trying to keep it away. Gino obviously knew and took off his shirt, tossing it aside. He removed Colby’s hand and replaced it with his mouth. The attachment Colby felt for Gino was so strong, it frightened him. And that closeness was never as powerful as when they touched. Gino held an ass cheek in each hand, pulling Colby forward with each suck of his cock. Colby didn’t thrust or pump. He let Gino set the pace. Soon Colby was sensing his body’s need to release. Lover, my lover, my lover…Colby closed his eyes and came, biting back making a sound, clenching his teeth. Gino looked up, wiping his mouth. With their gaze locked together, Colby knelt in front of Gino, massaging his legs through his slacks. “Let me take these off.” Gino unzipped them, pushing them down to the floor with his briefs. When Gino relaxed again, Colby hesitated a moment to stare at him, take in his sex appeal and scent. He kissed Gino’s knee, licking it, mouthing it as if it were his lips. Gino groaned and flopped to his back on the bed, his feet still planted on the floor. Colby used his tongue to inch his way up Gino’s thigh, gently parting his legs as he did. “Col, your touch. I can’t get over how you touch me.” That’s because I love you. 49

G.A. Hauser Once he’d run wet laps across Gino’s inner thigh, Colby pressed his face against Gino’s balls, nuzzling them. It turned Colby on so much, his dick was hard again. He used his right hand to bring Gino’s cock against his cheek, closing his eyes and rolling it across his lips and chin. Gino whimpered and his muscles jerked in reflex. Colby ran his tongue up his length to the tip, tasting the dewy drop that ran from it. “Want you.” “You hard?” “Yeah.” “Come in, babe.” Colby ran kisses up Gino’s chest to his mouth, leaning over him to suck at his lips and tongue. As if Gino was going mad, he moaned and gripped Colby’s head, deepening the kiss to scorching heat. While they were connected, Colby cupped Gino’s sack, holding it, feeling it move and tighten. “Get a rubber.” Gino gasped as he parted from their kiss. Colby dragged his fingertips across Gino’s stiff length, stared at him for a moment, then turned to the nightstand drawer. While he sheathed his cock, Gino sat up, licking and biting Colby’s ass cheek. Closing his eyes, Colby savored every caress of Gino’s hands and mouth on him, never knowing if it would be the last touch. Gino spun Colby towards the bed and encouraged him to get in position. Colby knelt between Gino’s legs, aiming his cock. “Okay?” “Yes.” Gino gripped Colby’s arms and pulled him towards him. Colby shivered as he sank inside Gino’s hot body. He kept his eyes open, watching every move Gino made, every expression, listening to his breathing, his moans. Once he had completely penetrated Gino, he pulled on Gino’s cock in synch with his hip movement. Gino writhed on the bed and closed his eyes. All Colby needed was for Gino to come to be happy. 50

It Takes a Man Colby changed the angle of his penetration and Gino raised his body to meet it. “You are amazing!” Gino arched his back and grimaced in pure orgasmic lust. Touching Gino with his free hand, keeping up the rhythm of the slow fisting, Colby wanted all of him. He felt Gino’s body constrict around his cock and Gino opened his lips to gasp. Cum spurted through Colby’s fingers and onto Gino’s chest. Continuing to massage Gino inside and out, Colby used a more tender motion and then pulled out, not coming a second time. He climbed off the bed, removed his condom and brought a wet towel to clean Gino. Gino caught his breath, watching Colby. After Colby wiped Gino’s spent cum, he tossed the towel in the hamper and stood next to the bed, looking down at him. Gino interlaced their fingers as he recuperated. “My brother asked me to go to a jazz bar.” “When?” “Tonight.” Colby nodded, but felt let down. “Come with me.” He met Gino’s eyes in surprise. Gino tugged on his hand. Colby crawled next to him, clasping it tightly and kissing it. “You like jazz?” “Sure.” “Good.” Gino embraced him. “Thank you.” “No need.” Gino kissed him. “I want you there.”

51

 

Chapter Five Gino was nervous. He drove Colby to the bar wondering about the reaction he would get from Ken. Glancing over at Colby, seeing him looking hotter than hell in tight dark blue jeans, black work boots, a short-sleeved cotton shirt, and his blue REI Gore-Tex jacket, all Colby needed to complete his serviceman aura was a badge and a gun on his hip. May as well be in your ACU’s, Col. Colby was quiet. Very quiet. But that wasn’t anything new. Finding parking off of Union Street, Gino shut down the engine, removed the seatbelt and sat still, looking at Colby. “Are you up for this?” Colby unhooked his seatbelt and turned to face Gino. “I’m just surprised I’m here. We haven’t done much outside my apartment other than Starbucks or picking up a burger at Dick’s.” “You didn’t have to come.” Colby found Gino’s hand, holding it. “I wanted to. I want to do more things with you. I just get the feeling you don’t want to be seen with me.” Though Colby’s expression was dead serious, Gino laughed. “Yeah. You look like a military-man. You should have just worn your army uniform.” “I can take the bus home.” Colby reached for the door handle.

 

It Takes a Man “Get the hell back here.” Gino jerked his arm and scooted closer. “Can’t you tell when I’m joking?” “Not always.” Something in Colby’s brown eyes caused the smile to drop off Gino’s face. He cupped his hand behind Colby’s head and drew their mouths together. Colby closed his eyes and parted his lips but didn’t initiate further contact. Gino gave his tongue a quick twirl around Colby’s, then he sat back. “Okay. I have a confession to make before we go in there.” Colby waited, giving Gino his undivided attention. A deep inhale for courage, Gino said, “My brother Ken’s a cop.” He paused, waiting for a reaction. There wasn’t one. “One of the other guys we’re meeting is ex-SPD and now works for the FBI.” Still, Colby kept silent. “His name is Dave Harris.” Gino touched Colby’s cheek. “He’s gay and his lover is also with the FBI.” Gino thought he’d given Colby enough time to reply, to mock him, to say what a hypocrite he was. Colby didn’t, but he also didn’t release his gaze. “That’s it? More silence?” “What do you want me to say?” “I guess nothing.” Gino climbed out of the car, waiting for Colby on the sidewalk. They walked together to the club, brushing shoulders. Gino opened the door, allowing Colby inside. They paid the cover charge and Gino placed his hand on the small of Colby’s back as he searched for his brother in the dim club. Candles burned on each table which flanked a stage, the walls were papered with photographs and posters. On one side of the room there was a long bar with stools filled with noisy patrons, drinking, laughing and shouting over the music. “It’s a zoo in here.” Gino continued to hold onto Colby as they made their way through the mob. Finally Gino noticed his brother waving from a table in the corner of the room. They were off to the right side of the stage in front of a wall which was painted with a flame motif. 53

G.A. Hauser Immediately, Gino saw his brother’s reaction to Colby. Ken’s jaw dropped. Another man was sitting with Ken, but it wasn’t Dave. As they drew closer, Gino wondered what Ken said into the other man’s ear, because suddenly they both appeared slightly unfriendly. Ken stood, giving Gino a quick hug and pat on the back. “Ty, this is James, James, this is my brother Tyrone.” “Gino,” Gino corrected. “My name is Gino.” He glared at Ken for using his ‘other’ name, as he shook James’ hand. “This is Colby. Colby, that’s Ken.” “Hey.” Colby appeared painfully shy. “Sit.” Gino pulled one of the padded metal chairs out for himself. The two of them faced Ken and James and the back wall. It was a table for six with two candles flickering on it in round glass globes. “How’d you get away from the ball and chain?” Gino removed his coat, draping it over the back of his chair. “She don’t mind if I take a night off from her and the kids.” Ken sipped his drink. “You—you never come by. Don’t you want to see your niece and nephews? What’s wrong with you?” “Busy.” Gino glanced around. “Where’s the waiter?” James made a move to stand. “I’ll get you two something from the bar.” “Sit,” Gino pointed at James. He turned around and managed to flag someone down. When Gino faced the men again he found them staring at Colby. Colby was staring at the candle flame. “How the hell did you two meet?” Ken asked. Knowing his brother was not known for being an introvert, Gino replied, “Why don’t you shut up?” “Can I get you something to drink?” The waiter appeared. “I’d like a G&T and get us a plate of those catfish bites to nibble while we decide on what to eat for dinner.” Gino rubbed Colby’s back. “Beer?” Colby addressed the waiter, “You have Alaskan Amber?” “We do. Be right back with your drinks and menus.” 54

It Takes a Man Once the waiter left, Gino found his brother staring at Colby again. “Ken, I’m about to slap you.” Colby jerked his head up to pay attention. “What’d I do?” Ken said. “Don’t act innocent. You’re profiling, ya stupid cop.” Ken cracked up and James shook his head, sipping his drink. “Yeah, I am. Colby...” Colby sat up, his elbows on the table. “What do you do for a living?” “I work over at juvie detention.” “Not another social worker,” Ken moaned. “No, he’s not,” Gino answered. “He’s a thug like you.” “Jesus,” Colby breathed in what sounded like disbelief. “He’s busting your chops. How long you know Ty… I mean Gino? Come on, Colby, if you don’t know how he is by now, you’ll find out.” James said as if stating an obvious fact, “You’re ex military.” “Yeah.” Colby lowered his gaze back to the candle. “Still in the reserves?” “No. Got discharged.” “For what?” It was the first time Gino had heard that. “Discharged?” “What the hell’d you do, man?” Ken asked, leaning closer. Colby pressed his lips to Gino’s ear. “Can we not discuss this?” Gino nodded. “Change the topic. So, James, I assume you’re a thug as well.” “Are firefighters thugs now?” James smiled. “No. You’re okay. It’s bad enough I’ll be surrounded by officials when Dave gets here.” Gino looked around. “Is he still coming?” “He’s supposed to.” Ken checked his watch. “Ever since he left for Quantico I barely hear from him.” Ken flipped open his cell phone, pressing it to one ear and plugging the other. The waiter set out two drinks and menus. Gino thanked him and listened to Ken. 55

G.A. Hauser “Okay, bro. Okay. Way in the back. Just keep walking until you pass the stage.” He closed the phone and stuffed it into his breast pocket. “He’s here. Just coming in.” Gino smiled. “Have you ever met his partner?” “Just from the job when he was here for that Dragon serial killer gig.” “Nice?” Gino asked, glancing at Colby. “Hey I married a woman. Let’s just say I think you’re both nuts.” Ken reacted to something behind Gino, raising his hand and shouting, “Dave!” Gino spun around. He recognized ex-SPD Officer Harris immediately and tried to decipher who his lover could be in the crowded room. When a gorgeous white man, handsomely dressed with long dark hair emerged, holding Dave’s hand, Gino was stunned. He expected Dave’s lover to be black, but he had no idea why he did. “Tyrone!” Dave appeared surprised to see him. “Not you too with the weaves. Can’t we let the pro-ballers do that?” Gino stood to hug him. “Mouthy as ever, Harris.” “That’ll never change.” Dave paused and looked at Colby. “This is Colby Hollinger.” Gino gestured to Colby. “And you’re Agent Taylor?” Gino laughed and reached out to Robbie. “Nice to meet you, Tyrone. Colby.” “Gino. I go by Gino.” Gino sat back down and waited as Robbie and Dave took a seat at the end of the table; Robbie next to Colby and Dave across from him and beside James. “Did you guys order food?” Dave removed his coat. “I ordered an appetizer,” Gino said, “but no one’s ordered a meal yet.” “Service is kinda slow.” James rolled his eyes. “It’s packed in here. Poor guy.” Dave looked over Gino’s head for a waiter. Colby peeled the label off his beer bottle. He was shy even with people he knew. It was uncomfortable. He just never knew what to say. Just the slip of mentioning he was discharged 56

It Takes a Man nearly got him in hot water. There was no doubt Gino would want answers when they were alone. Trying to remember if he had enough cash to pay with or would have to use his debit card, Colby took out his wallet, opened it and slipped it back into his pocket again. He felt Robbie scoot closer, turned and met his light eyes. “Are you with Gino?” “Yeah. I guess.” Colby glanced at Dave, but he was distracted by James, Ken and Gino’s conversation. “Are you on the department?” “I work at the youth detention center.” “What branch of the army were you?” Colby blinked. “Did Dave tell you I was in the army?” Robbie smiled. “No.” “Man. Everyone can tell. I must look like a fucking GI.” Colby sighed. “What unit?” “Four-oh fourth, E-6.” Robbie nodded, studying him. “Don’t let what they did to you color your life.” “What?” Colby felt his heart stop in his throat at the perceptive comment. He pivoted around to look at the other men. He drew Gino’s attention. “You okay?” About to ask Gino if he told Robbie about his situation, Colby bit his tongue because he knew damn well no one knew. He whipped around to Robbie again. “Did you investigate me before you got here? Like some FBI surveillance?” “No.” Robbie chuckled. Dave leaned closer to hear. “He freaking you out?” Now Colby was completely bewildered. He didn’t know how to answer. Dave said, “Robbie’s our FBI psychic. Has he already read you like a book?” “Jesus!” Colby exhaled a stressful breath. 57

G.A. Hauser When he felt Robbie reach under the table for his hand, Colby’s heart stopped. He stared into Robbie’s eyes and it was as if his soul was suddenly laid bare. Robbie spoke softly so no one could hear. “Thirteen thousand men and women have been discharged for that pathetic law. Don’t let it destroy your confidence and your life.” “Motherfucker!” Colby began to sweat. “Did you call my commanding officer?” “No.” Robbie squeezed his hand. “Go to your appointments. Get this crap out.” Colby tugged his hand away. This terrorized him. These federal guys were into all kinds of nosing around. He didn’t like it. He felt Robbie’s touch again. Robbie raised up the edge of Colby’s short-sleeve shirt to see his tattoo. “You coming on to my man?” Gino teased, leaning around Colby to see what Robbie was doing. “Here,” Colby snarled, “wanna see this one too?” He spun around to show off the eagle. “I figured you had that one.” Robbie touched his chin, contemplating. “I’m surprised at the Inner Tribal symbol.” Colby rose up. “I’m leaving.” Both Gino and Dave sprang to their feet to prevent him. “Robbie.” Dave shook his head. “Not everyone likes to be ‘informed’ of your talents.” “What the hell’s going on?” Ken asked. “Sit.” Gino coaxed Colby back to his seat. Colby was hyperventilating. This has to be a joke. Someone told this guy everything about me. This isn’t fair. “Nothing is, Colby.” Colby felt his skin go pale. “Why did you check me out? How did you know about me?” “Colby!” Dave tried to get his attention. “He did the exact same thing to me when we first met.” “Did what?” Ken and James leaned closer. 58

It Takes a Man “Swap seats.” Gino dragged Colby to his chair forcefully and sat next to Robbie. “Talk to my brother, he’s harmless. Unless you resist. Then he’s a thug.” “Shut up.” Ken shook his head and laughed. Colby was shaking. He had finished his beer and needed another. The waiter set the catfish appetizer down. “Did you decide what to eat?” “No,” Ken said. “But I think everyone needs a round. Colby?” Colby tried to calm down. “Another beer and a tequila shooter, please.” As the waiter walked to the other end of the table to get the rest of the drink order, Colby wiped the sweat off his forehead. “What did the dude say, Colby?” Ken asked. “Nothing.” Colby felt boiling hot. “What the hell are you doing with my brother?” Ken asked. “You’re a tough macho man. You can do better than Tyrone-Gino.” Ken rolled his eyes. “I have to tell ya, Colby, with you being in the department of detention, I’d have thought you’d fight constantly.” Colby noticed Robbie giving Gino an earful, hopefully it wasn’t about what he had just said. “Yeah, we sometimes argue. Nothing big.” “Nothing big? You’re lucky. He harps on me every time we talk. A thug. I’m the thug. Not the morons killing people, but the cops.” Colby was shaking, trying to overhear what Robbie was telling Gino. It was making him a wreck. He grabbed Gino’s shoulder and drew him close. “Is he talking about me?” “No. Me. He’s blowing my mind. I think the guy’s been doin’ some research.” “Fuck!” Colby shifted his position. “What’s he saying?” “All kinds of shit about my issues with authority coming from my dad. Feels like a damn therapy session.” Dave said loudly, “Robbie, give it a rest. You’re making everyone a mess.” 59

G.A. Hauser Ken joked, “Want to read my palm?” He held out his hand, face up to Robbie. Colby held his breath, waiting for Robbie’s reply. Finally Robbie said, “If you keep it up, you will get a complaint and be involved with internal affairs.” Ken gasped. “Keep what up?” He withdrew his hand immediately. “You want me to say it?” Robbie asked. Looking sheepish, Ken shook his head. James held up his hands. “I’m not even going to ask!” “Remind me to leave you in the hotel next time,” Dave said, obviously upset. “Sorry guys. He can’t help himself.” “No, David. I can. I just think people need to be told they are okay and not to worry.” “You didn’t just tell me that.” Ken crossed his arms. “No. But if you listen to me, you will be okay.” Gino pointed at Ken. “I told you you were a thug!” “Shut up!” Colby kept looking over his shoulder for that drink. He was traumatized at how easily his files were accessed by someone. Okay, the guy was a federal agent, but still. No one needs to know anything. “Here you go.” The waiter began setting drinks down. “Did you decide on what to eat?” Everyone stared at the menus silently. Colby had lost his appetite. He threw the shot back, gnawing on the lime and shivered. “Another, please.” The menus were laid flat as decisions were made. Gino leaned on Colby’s shoulder. “The sausage Po’Boy is good. Comes with sweet potato fries.” “I’m not hungry.” Colby started on his fresh beer. “What the hell did he say to you?” Colby twisted away from Gino in his chair. He heard everyone place their order, including Gino who asked for two sandwiches. Colby wasn’t about to eat, he was about to get drunk. “Excuse me.” Colby got to his feet. “Where you going?” Gino held him by the belt loop. 60

It Takes a Man “Men’s room.” Gino made Colby meet his eye as if trying to believe him. Colby walked off, trying to locate a restroom sign. He waited his turn at a urinal. Once he finished he walked to the sink to wash his hands and splash his face. Robbie was standing behind him, reflected in the mirror. Spinning around, battle ready, Colby ground his jaw. Robbie smiled. Colby stalked Robbie, but Robbie never flinched. When they were nose to nose Colby asked, “Who assigned you to me?” “Assigned? I’m not on assignment. I’m on a holiday break with my lover.” Grabbing Robbie’s shoulders, Colby slammed him against the wall. “I know how it works. Don’t lie to me.” Robbie’s expression was filled with sympathy. “Why do you think you’re the only gay soldier this has happened to?” “I know I’m not. What I want to know is how you know?” “You’re gay, you’re obviously tactically trained, and from what I can tell, it’s highly trained, not paramilitary.” “What the fuck? What the fuck?” Colby backed away. Putting his arm around Colby’s shoulder, Robbie led him outside the club where they could speak quietly. Colby wasn’t sure he wanted to hear anymore. “Babe. Look at me.” Robbie touched Colby’s jaw. “You think I can’t see your pain? I trained for years in behavioral science. I can read a person by their expression. Believe me.” Moving his chin out of Robbie’s fingers, Colby wanted to go back inside, but felt compelled not to. “You need to tell Gino. Trust him. He’s madly in love with you.” “Yeah, right. So much for knowing people. He’s about to break it off.” “Hardly.” Robbie smiled. “He’s been sitting on his hands to prevent copping a feel.” “You’re clueless,” Colby growled. 61

G.A. Hauser “Listen to me ex-Staff Sgt Hollinger,” Robbie’s tone intensified. Colby went cold. How did Robbie know his last name? Had Gino just told him? “Trust someone. Your sanity depends on you trusting another human being.” His teeth were clenched so tightly, Colby was about to combust. “Gino is a good soul. He needs a strong influence in his life. You. But you have to let him in. Let someone in.” “I can’t!” Colby shut his mouth and looked around. “Why do you think another gay man will judge you?” Rubbing his eyes, Colby said, “He doesn’t need my pathetic shit.” “You’re very wrong. He does. He can’t handle not hearing it.” “Get away from me.” Colby pushed him. “I know Sergeant Major Black put you up to this.” “He the one?” Robbie tilted his head. “Asking me? You already know all there is. Read my file? Found out all the details? My fucking last name?” “How would I read a file about you when I had no idea I was about to meet you? I read your last name on your driver’s license when you checked your wallet for cash.” Colby opened his mouth to reply, but couldn’t think straight. “I knew I was meeting Ken Williams, an old co-worker of David’s. That’s all I knew.” “No. No! I know the way things are behind the scenes, the lying, the spying…the covert emails.” “So do I. But I had none. I never knew who you were until five minutes ago.” “How did you—” Colby felt ill. He covered his face. Robbie held him, rocking him. “Let Gino help you.” Feeling Robbie trying to get him back inside the club, Colby stopped and made Robbie make eye contact. “That officer I mentioned.” 62

It Takes a Man “SGM Black?” “Yeah.” Colby could barely control himself hearing the man’s name. “He was the one.” Robbie showed his teeth in a snarl. “You’re better than him. Never forget that.” “He ruined it. Ruined everything.” “I know.” Robbie touched Colby’s hair. “But he’s gone. You’re a civilian now. And you have one hell of a hot lover.” At the twinkle in Robbie’s eye, Colby managed to smile. “Yeah. I do.” “Get inside. Bet he’s thinking you left and is worried sick.” Colby’s cell phone rang. He laughed, taking it out of his pocket, flipped it open and said to Gino, “Just took a breath of fresh air. I’m on my way back in.” He grinned at Robbie. “You’re good.” “It’s what they pay me for.” Robbie opened the club door. Gino stood, walking through the crowd. The live music was so loud he couldn’t hear himself think. And the crap that the FBI agent told him had him thinking his phones were being bugged. I need a father-figure in my life because my dad neglected me? Excuse me? His first sight of Colby made his cock throb. Colby appeared a little lighter of the load he had been carrying. Robbie and he were laughing as they returned. Colby’s only four years older than me. That isn’t a father-figure in my book. What a load of crap. “You okay?” Gino gripped Colby’s arm. “Yeah. Just needed some air.” Gino collared Robbie. “Did you apologize?” “He’s all right. Don’t worry.” “Father-figure? You think I’m stupid enough to believe that?” “No. I said hero figure, not father.” 63

G.A. Hauser Gino blinked as Robbie brushed past him to his seat. When Gino looked, he found Colby smiling at him. Shaken up by the accurate assessment, Gino took his place beside Colby. “Now you look like shit.” Colby tugged at one of Gino’s braids. Gino snapped out of it. “Your food’s here. Try it.” “What the hell’d you get me?” “Sausage. Eat.” Gino took a bite and stuffed one of the sweet potato fries into his mouth. “Good.” Colby nodded, his mouth full. Watching Colby, Gino rubbed his hand under Colby’s shirt sleeve, over his tattoo. My hero? Are you?

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Chapter Six The drive back to Colby’s apartment was silent. If Gino was honest with himself, he was exhausted and talked out. There were too many things on his mind, most of it originating from what Robbie had said. The rain and wind still buffeted the city as one storm followed another. Gino parked and shut down the windshield wipers and engine. Colby opened the passenger’s side and jogged to the lobby. Gino had no idea where he got his energy. They met at the door while Colby unlocked it and allowed Gino to enter first. “Hate this weather.” Gino began the ascent to Colby’s unit. “Ever think of moving?” “Constantly.” He used his own set of keys to open the door for Colby. Once inside, Gino kicked off his shoes and dropped his jacket over the back of one of the kitchen chairs. “Thank fuck it’s Friday.” “Thank fuck,” Colby echoed, walking through the apartment to the bedroom. “Need anything?” Gino opened the refrigerator for water. “No.” Removing a bottle, Gino uncapped it and chugged it down. He caught of glimpse of Colby naked as he entered the bathroom. Always interested in seeing that man’s body, Gino

 

G.A. Hauser leaned on the doorframe as he drank, staring as Colby washed up. “I guess you do look ex-military.” “Guess so.” “Ever think of growing out your hair a little?” “No. Ever think of shaving yours off?” Gino laughed. “Yes.” Colby glanced at him quickly, then resumed what he was doing. Once he finished the water, Gino crushed the plastic bottle in his fist and rested his head on the wall. “Why were you discharged?” “Don’t ask, don’t tell.” “Who’d you tell?” “I was outted.” Colby loaded his toothbrush and leaned over the sink. “That’s it? Some schmuck says you’re gay and you’re out.” “Not quite.” He rinsed his mouth and faced Gino. Enjoying the full frontal immensely, Gino had thought he was too tired to play. Maybe not. Gino tossed the bottle into the sink and stepped closer to Colby, holding his hips. Knowing Colby would be receptive to anything he wanted, Gino gazed into his brown eyes. “I have secret fantasies about fucking you in your army fatigues.” The corner of Colby’s mouth turned up in a smile but he looked away shyly. Gino smoothed his hands up and down Colby’s skin, then he caught their reflection in the mirror. They were polar opposites in appearance. No wonder Ken and James gaped when they first joined them. “Let me get these contacts out.” Colby backed up. “Call me when you need me.” “I will.” Gino watched Colby leave the bathroom, taking the empty plastic bottle with him to throw out. 66

It Takes a Man Colby drank his own bottle of water, standing in the middle of the galley kitchen. He didn’t check the time but assumed it was after midnight. The evening improved once Robbie stopped scaring everyone with his psychoanalysis. Luckily it prevented anyone from asking personal questions from then on. Sports, weather, politics, those were safe areas to delve. But that didn’t stop Colby from his internal dialogue. If he was confident he and Gino would last, he’d be more inclined to reveal his hidden secrets. “Babe?” Colby finished the water and stuck the bottle into recycling. He jogged to the bathroom and found Gino holding out his hair oil, sitting on the closed toilet seat. Colby leaned against Gino’s naked torso while he applied the moisturizer. “I think I’m going to get rid of the braids and shave it. What do you think? It’s such high maintenance, and you’re not supposed to do it more than eight weeks or so.” “Anything you want.” “I’m just afraid the kids will think I’m hard-nosed, ya know?” “I can’t make that decision for you.” Colby knew Gino would look amazing regardless of his hair style. When his cock was touched, Colby glanced down. Gino was toying with him playfully. Colby capped the bottle and washed his hands. “There ya go.” “Here.” Gino handed Colby his cap, wrapping up the braids to tuck them under. Once Colby had him ready, he said, “You can wear a cap like that. It softens up the harsh authority look.” Gino faced the mirror. “Think so?” “Yes.” “I may do that. This is really a pain in the butt. Especially when I’m tired.” “You’re beautiful no matter what you do.” 67

G.A. Hauser Immediately Gino met his eyes. He rose to his feet and caressed Colby’s jaw. Colby smiled at him. “Bed time.” Gino held Colby’s hand and led him to the bedroom. Colby shut off the lights as he went. Under the blankets, facing each other, Colby ran the back of his knuckles over the growing stubble on Gino’s jaw. “Too tired?” Gino whispered. “Never for you.” Gino drew him closer, lying on top of Colby, spreading Colby’s legs with his knees. When Gino kissed him, Colby moaned softly and ran his fingers down Gino’s back. Their two stiff cocks began rubbing together. Colby felt the friction of growing pubic hair from Gino’s shaved crotch. It stoked the fire in him, making him desire Gino even more. Colby received Gino’s kisses, his tongue, his mounting intensity, with calm subservience. Sliding his heels backwards, Colby bent his knees to open his body up for anything Gino desired to do. It must have been exactly what Gino wanted because he moaned and writhed against Colby. They parted mouths and Colby caught his breath as Gino went on a journey. Though Gino didn’t have any tattoos of his own, he seemed intrigued with Colby’s, always remembering to lick and suck on them before he traveled south. And Colby couldn’t wait for Gino to reach his destination. Propping his head up so he could watch, Colby admired Gino’s skin shimmering in the dimness. Rain and wind continued to pelt the glass panes, but inside it felt safe and secure. Kisses ran down the center of Colby’s chest while both his nipples were pinched. A surge of energy zapped Colby’s groin. Gino continued brushing his lips against Colby’s skin, lower and lower, to his treasure trail and pubic hair. When Gino nuzzled in, Colby bit his lip to keep quiet. 68

It Takes a Man The underside of Colby’s thighs were caressed as Gino pushed Colby’s legs against his chest, exposing his ass. Gino nibbled at the root of Colby’s cock. The orgasmic tidal wave began to grow immensely. Colby gripped his own dick to prevent it. When his rim was licked and slick with salvia, Gino pushed his finger inside. Colby gulped back another groan and arched his back, tensing his muscles. “Get a rubber,” was hissed in the silence. Blindly, Colby whacked his hand against the nightstand, fishing into the top drawer. He removed a strip and tore one off with his teeth, tossing it on his belly, returning to find the lube. The condom was quickly taken and the wrapper tossed to the floor. Placing the tube of lubrication on his rising and falling chest, Colby waited as that too was grabbed and used. Suddenly he was impaled by Gino, deep and slow. Colby rocked his head side to side, chewing his lip to prevent making a sound. “Nice…” Gino crooned. Colby couldn’t agree more. He reached for himself and held his cock, not jacking it, just touching it. “Give me that, babe. I gotcha.” Letting go, Colby felt Gino take over. “Time to take care of my man.” Hearing Gino call him ‘my man’ felt as wonderful as the sex act. Never before had Gino referred to him possessively. Colby’s cock shuddered and throbbed while he came, spattering his chest with cum. Gino ran his fingers over the head, using the slippery spunk to massage it. As he recovered, Colby watched Gino’s dark silhouette against the back white wall while he was fucked. He could see Gino close his eyes, and a deep masculine grunt followed the pulsating of Gino’s cock in Colby’s ass. “So nice. Col, you are such a good screw.” Relaxing his wound muscles, Colby rested his hand on his chest over the spent cum. After Gino pulled out, Colby made a move to get off the bed to get him a towel. 69

G.A. Hauser A hand held him back. “Stay there.” Colby resumed his position on the bed. Gino stood and entered the bathroom while Colby waited, staring at the hallway. Gino came back with a damp washcloth and attended to Colby. “You didn’t have to do that.” “Be quiet. You don’t have to be the one doing all the work all the time.” “I have no complaints.” “Hush.” Gino kissed Colby’s lips and walked back to the bathroom to return the washcloth. Once they were lying side by side under the quilt, Colby stared at Gino. “Thank you.” “You don’t have to thank me. You know it’s both our pleasure.” Colby touched Gino’s arm. Gino raised his to loop around Colby’s neck and bring him to his chest to rest. Sated, exhausted and content for the moment, Colby closed his eyes and actually fell asleep quickly with his lover’s heartbeat under his ear.

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Chapter Seven Colby woke. It was lighter in the room but still pouring rain and windy outside. He sat up and found the bed empty. It only took a moment before he smelled coffee and heard noise coming from the kitchen. He climbed out of bed and headed to the bathroom to wash up. When he poked his head around the hallway wall, he found Gino standing at the stove, wearing a pair of his gym shorts. Gino’s long braids were pulled back into a ponytail. Gino making him breakfast? Wearing his clothing? A first. Usually Gino sipped a quick cup of coffee and vanished. It didn’t matter what day of the week it was. Colby returned to the bedroom and dressed in a t-shirt and shorts. He made the bed and cleaned up the remnants of their lovemaking. He folded Gino’s clothing from last night, placing it on a chair which sat by the closet, putting Gino’s shoes under it in a perfect line. When he was done, he joined Gino, clearing his throat to not startle him. Gino turned around. “Mornin’.” “Good morning.” Colby approached warily. He never took anything for granted. “Here ya go, babe.” Gino handed him a mug of coffee. “Thanks.” Colby tilted his head. “Did I do something wrong?”

 

G.A. Hauser “Wrong?” Gino flipped over the pancakes he was preparing. “You never made me breakfast before.” “Then it’s long overdue.” “Why?” Colby set the mug on the kitchen counter. “Be quiet and go relax.” No way Colby could do that. He leaned against the sink, crossing his arms, watching. “What did Robbie say to you?” Gino met Colby’s gaze quickly. “Will you share what he said to you?” “I did last night.” “Oh? Everything?” Colby nodded. Gino appeared upset, as if he didn’t believe him, but his features straightened out quickly. He opened the oven door and tossed the cooked pancakes on a plate inside it to keep warm. “Drink your coffee.” “What did he tell you?” As if frustrated, Gino removed the pan from the electric coil and faced Colby. “Some shit that I’m still dealing with.” “Like?” “Will you go sit down?” Picking up his coffee mug, Colby sat at the kitchen table, watching Gino while he sipped the hot brew. Gino continued to finish cooking breakfast in silence. “We really are crap at communicating.” “I know.” Gino didn’t look at him. “Why do you think that is?” “Maybe it’s a trust issue.” “That makes sense.” Colby drank more of his coffee, waiting as Gino scraped the last of the batter onto the pan. “I’m surprised I didn’t wake up when you left the bed.” “You seemed really out of it. I even whispered your name.” “At least I didn’t have nightmares for once.” “Maybe because we went to bed so late and you were exhausted.” 72

It Takes a Man “Maybe. I fell asleep easily as well. I usually struggle.” Gino took the pan off the heat and used a potholder to remove the cooked pancakes from the stove. He tossed a second potholder on the table and placed the plate of pancakes on it. Then he retrieved butter and maple syrup out of the refrigerator and sat down across from Colby. Colby waited for Gino to begin eating before he did. He said, “Good. Thanks.” “No problem.” It was silent as they ate. Colby wanted to say things, the things he felt were important to him, but he was petrified. He took a chance. “You know what they wrote on my discharge papers?” Gino stopped chewing and met his eyes instantly. “Homosexual conduct admission.” “You gotta be fucking kidding me.” “No. I’m not.” “Col…Jesus Christ.” “I loved the army. I never wanted to leave. I was working on promotions for that coveted desk job.” “Makes me sick.” “I planned on retiring there. You know. With a high rank.” “Baby, I’m so sorry.” Gino touched Colby’s hand. “Did you have to admit it?” This was why he didn’t want to talk. Too many questions. “So, ah, what did Robbie say to get to you?” “I need a hero-figure in my life.” Gino laughed and continued to eat. “Yeah?” Colby smiled. “Ken?” “Ken?” Gino choked in a sarcastic laugh. “No. Not Ken.” “Who then?” When Gino met his eyes and was not smiling, Colby sat up straight and pointed to his own chest. “Me?” “Any thoughts on that?” “I’m no hero. I’m a complete fucking failure.” “What? Are you kidding me? Just because the assholes in the army wrote something on your discharge papers? Sorry, 73

G.A. Hauser Col, but I’m afraid that doesn’t wipe out ten years of duty, including two tours in Iraq and one in Afghanistan.” Colby felt a cold sensation in his stomach and set his fork down. “I’m sorry, Colby. I’m just trying to be supportive.” “I know. It’s not what you’re telling me that’s the problem.” “Shitty memories?” “Yeah.” “Will we ever get there? You know, you telling me?” “Maybe.” Colby looked at his food, feeling obligated to eat since Gino went through the trouble. He doused the pancakes with more syrup and resumed eating them. “I know I’ve not made you feel confident in us.” Colby peeked at Gino sheepishly. “I’m really nervous to throw caution to the wind and announce we’re a committed couple.” Biting his lip, Colby raised his coffee mug. He was afraid to ask why. “Colby.” He forced himself to meet Gino’s gaze. “It’s got nothing to do with the way I feel about you.” Though he didn’t get it, he nodded. “I just think we come from different worlds.” About to ask which worlds Gino was referring to, Colby closed his mouth. And as if anticipating his question, Gino clarified, “Cultures.” That surprised Colby. He thought Gino meant social worker slash detention officer. Not white, black. Again Colby tried to ask why, but didn’t. “Okay. Whatever.” His appetite left once more. “I wish you’d make a decision one way or the other, Gino. This sitting on the fence stuff is painful.” “I know. I’m sorry.” “So just when I think our commitment grew, you make me a goodbye breakfast?” 74

It Takes a Man Gino set his fork on his plate, leaned his elbows on the table, interlaced his fingers and rested his forehead on them. Colby stood, setting his plate in the sink. “Thanks for making breakfast.” He left the room, locking himself in the bathroom, and contemplated either a run or a shower. Gino wished he knew what to do for the best. He didn’t. Though he and Colby had a few overlapping interests and were physically compatible, Gino wished he knew how they would fare in the long run. Hero-figure? I’m not looking for that. Am I? Gino felt himself oscillating between admitting he was and denying he could be playing the damsel in distress. It was humiliating. And I admitted to Col I wanted to make love to him in his uniform? What’s wrong with me? Gino felt as if he lived in his brother’s shadow most of his youth. Ken was seven years older than he was and always had a direction in his life. He’d wanted to be a cop since he was four. Or at least that’s what their mom said. Always playing cops and robbers, and always being the cop. Standing, Gino cleared the table, wrapping up the uneaten pancakes and washing the dishes. He kept waiting for Colby to return, but he didn’t. Gino walked across the living room to look outside at the rain. The view through the window was from the back of the apartment, overlooking the parking area and another apartment house behind it. That photo caught his attention. Colby in Iraq in his ACUs. Gino picked up the small five by seven frame and inspected the man with Colby. He never asked Colby about him, assuming they were good friends. Gino thought about calling Colby over to ask him if this was the guy who ratted him out. No. Why would he have his photo on display? Placing it back again, Gino felt guilty for any pain he may inflict on Colby. “That man has been through so much.” He 75

G.A. Hauser entered the bedroom and looked around. The room was in perfect order, including his clothing folded and placed on a chair. “Col?” Gino leaned his ear against the bathroom door. “Colby?” “You need the bathroom?” “I just…” Gino rubbed his face. Colby opened the door and brushed past him to the bedroom. “Col…don’t be upset.” “Why are you still here? I was giving you a chance to go.” “I wish I knew what to do.” Colby crossed his arms. “I get it. You think because I’m a stupid, white, army guy that you and I have nothing in common.” Colby wouldn’t meet his gaze. “I don’t know if I do.” “Let’s stop tormenting each other. Can we at least do that?” “Yes.” Gino slid off the gym shorts he was wearing, and tossed them on the bed. He faced his back towards Colby and began getting dressed, feeling like a complete bastard. Hiking up his trousers, zipping the fly, he felt Colby’s tender touch on his arm and closed his eyes, dropping his head forward. “I’ll miss you.” Gino tightened his lips in frustration. “I’ll miss you too.” Colby’s hand rolled down Gino’s back to his waistband, then the touch withdrew. Struggling with his emotions, his thoughts, his decisions, Gino forced himself to continue dressing. When he sat down to put on his socks and shoes, he looked up at Colby. Colby was leaning against the dresser, arms crossed, staring at Gino as he did. “I’m sorry.” “I know you are.” Colby shrugged. Not an ounce of spite came from him. Gino didn’t know what else to say. It felt as if it would prolong the agony. He stood, tucking in his shirt and turned to 76

It Takes a Man the front door. After collecting his personal items, his watch, wallet, phone, and keys, Gino put his coat on and couldn’t, wouldn’t turn around. “Bye.” “Bye.” Gino left, descending the stairs. Last minute he remembered he had a spare set of Colby’s keys. He decided to drop them by another time. He couldn’t go back now. He turned his shoulder to the rain and sat behind the wheel of his car, troubled. Worried he was making yet another bad decision. But where was this going? Colby stood on the landing in the hall, watching Gino’s car leave the parking lot. He inhaled deeply and returned to the apartment, closing himself in. He crawled back under the quilt and stared at the ceiling.

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Chapter Eight Gino sorted through old mail while he stood at his kitchen counter. His mobile phone rang and he wondered if it was Colby asking for his keys back. He flipped it open and read Ken’s name. “Hey.” “Hi, Ty, just wanted to say I had a good time last night.” “Why do you still call me Ty when I want you to call me Gino?” “I can’t. Ever since you were born you were Tyrone. How am I going to call you Gino?” “Because I want you to, that’s how.” Gino rolled his eyes. “Hey, I know me and James acted kind of weird when you first showed up.” Gino stood still waiting for what Ken would say, his gaze unfocused. “But…Colby’s a really great guy. I guess James and I had a gut reaction to his look, you know. But I just wanted to tell you, once we got talking, he was really cool. You did good for once.” Gino had no idea what to say. “Hello? You still there?” “Huh?” Gino snapped back into focus. “That Robbie was a trip. Some of the shit he said to me really freaked me out.” Ken laughed. “Yeah, I know. But I hate to admit how right he was. I don’t know how Dave can stand being with a man who knows so much.”

 

It Takes a Man Ironically, Gino knew he and Colby had the opposite problem. “Look, I’m getting ready to go to work, but why don’t you bring Colby with you when you come for Thanksgiving? I think the family will really like him.” Gino rubbed his face tiredly. “Does he already have plans, Ty? I mean, Gino.” “I don’t know.” “You don’t know?” Ken exhaled into the phone. “Thanksgiving is next Thursday. I suggest you ask him.” Guilt reared its ugly head. Gino assumed Colby was alienated from his family. He never discussed them, nor received a phone call from them while they were together. “I swear, Ty, I feel as if I’m talking to a wall. Whatever. I just thought I’d tell you I liked the guy. I’ve got to go.” When Ken hung up, Gino stared at the phone for a minute before he flipped it closed. Thanksgiving. Fuck. “What the hell did I just do to the poor guy?” Gino scrolled through his contact numbers and before he hit the ‘call’ button, he stopped. Colby had said, “Let’s stop tormenting each other. Can we at least do that?” What was worse torment, being alone for the holidays, or trying to keep a relationship going that was doomed from the start? In anger, Gino slapped the phone onto the counter with the mail and wandered his small apartment trying to think, and trying not to think. Inevitably his thoughts turned to Colby. “Thanks for seeing me on a weekend.” Colby removed his jacket and hung it on a tree stand rack near the door. “I told you I’m always here for you.” Dr. Maddox gestured to a couch. Colby dropped heavily on it and slouched over his lap, nervously fidgeting, lacing and unlacing his fingers. “How are you dealing with things?” 79

G.A. Hauser “Good days and bad.” “With the holidays approaching, I find it gets worse.” Colby laughed softly but it wasn’t because it was funny. “Yeah. But the holidays don’t mean anything anymore. I’m not sure I care.” “Still not speaking to your family?” “It’s them that are not speaking to me.” “When was the last time you tried?” “When I got discharged.” “A year ago is a long time, Colby.” “They said they disowned me.” Colby ran his hand over his hair, staring at his boots. “Perhaps they just needed time to digest it.” “They know where I live. They have my number.” “How is work going?” Colby rubbed his face with both hands, he felt tired. “I don’t think I’m cut out for it.” “Why?” “I don’t mind it for the most part, but when I have to subdue a violent youth I feel ill. I’m tired of violence.” “Have you spoken to your supervisor? Is there anywhere else you can be placed?” “It’s a detention center, Dr. Maddox.” Colby met his eyes. Dr. Maddox nodded, folding his hands on his lap. “You were discharged with your benefits, Colby. You have financial help if you want to go back to school.” “I’m thirty.” Dr. Maddox splayed out his hands as if to ask why that made a difference. “I’m not going through anymore years of college. I have two from North Seattle, that’s enough.” “You’ve decided not to do many things.” Colby flopped back on the sofa cushions, staring at the ceiling. “Not trying to contact your family, not getting a new job, not going back to school.” He paused, as if waiting for Colby to 80

It Takes a Man answer. “You show some signs of clinical depression but you won’t take any medication to help you.” “I don’t want pills.” Colby didn’t know what he wanted. Then again, maybe he did. “Are you seeing anyone?” Dr. Maddox leaned closer, as if it were a more personal topic. “I was. I think he’s had enough of me.” “Why do you say that?” Colby shrugged, not looking at Dr. Maddox. “You have to do something positive for yourself. You won’t feel better if you do nothing.” Again Colby didn’t answer. “Are you still working out?” “Yes. And running.” Colby tried to sit up straight on the couch. His gaze was drawn to framed certificates on the wall. “You called me and told me you needed to talk. But since we’ve been together I’ve been doing all the talking.” Dr. Maddox crossed his legs. “You must have had a reason for needing to see me.” Biting his lip, yearning to trust someone when his trust had been so shaken, Colby said, “I want my relationship to work.” Dr. Maddox nodded. “Gino, that’s his name, said we’re too different culturally. But I think that was an excuse. I think the fact that I don’t talk to him about shit is the real reason.” “Why don’t you talk to him?” “He’s got enough to deal with. Why should I burden the guy?” “Because, that’s what partners do. By sharing your concerns with him, you’re allowing a bond to grow.” “But if he thinks I’m a fuck-up how will that encourage our ‘bond’? Don’t you get it?” “Everyone is afraid to lay their heart on the line, Colby. Most of the men and women coming back have seen and done things that civilians can’t imagine.” “And that’s what you want me to share with him? Scare the hell out of him so he won’t sleep at night either?” 81

G.A. Hauser “How long have you known Gino?” “A few months.” “How strongly do you feel about him?” “Very. Very strongly.” “Do you think he’s worth fighting for?” “Yes.” “Then why don’t you fight?” “Because I’m weary of all the battles. I can’t go through one more war.” Dr. Maddox nodded in sympathy, then he said, “I understand better than you think, but not all wars end up with failures or dashed dreams. Some battles are won.” “But it takes two. I can’t make him love me.” “No. But you can show him you trust him, and will be honest with him. If he still rejects you after that, then perhaps it wasn’t meant to be.” Colby released a deep sigh and nodded. Gino sat in a salon chair in the Rainier Valley with his favorite hair stylist, Vanessa. As he watched in the mirror, Vanessa removed his weaves. The room was noisy from customers chatting over the loud music. People were sipping coffee, some reading magazines, others getting their hair washed or clipped. “You sure, Gino?” “Yeah. I’m tired of it.” “You want a tapered fade?” “I do.” “Honey, you’ll look good no matter what you do.” “Thanks, Van. I think I need something low maintenance. I don’t have the funds for a personal assistant to keep up this look. I’m no Larry Fitzgerald.” He laughed, thought about Colby helping him and his smile fell. “Now he is one hot man. I wouldn’t kick that hunk out of my bed.” “Me neither.” Gino winked. 82

It Takes a Man “Oh!” Vanessa slapped his shoulder playfully. “They aren’t healthy for your hair anyway, Gino. So it’s good to take them out and take a break.” “I thought so too. Just don’t want to look like a cop at the job, you know.” “Speakin’ of cops, how’s Ken and his family?” “Good.” Gino watched as the pile of braids filled up a rolling cart next to him. It felt better already not having the constant tugging. Once Vanessa had them all removed, Gino rubbed his hands over his short hair and groaned. “Shoulda’ done this weeks ago. Damn.” “You looked fabulous in them, honey. Don’t ‘shoulda’ yourself.” Gino sat up and straightened his smock as Vanessa revved up the shearing clippers. “You said short, right? Tapered fade?” “Yeah. Shemar Moore. You know.” “Ooh! I love him. You got it, sugar.” Vanessa pressed the back of Gino’s head to get him to lean forward. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath as the trimmer ran over his scalp. Colby caught his breath as he sprinted up to the lobby door. It was drizzling so he wasn’t saturated as he usually was from running in the downpour. He removed his wool cap and used it to wipe his face as he walked up the stairs to his unit and opened the door. Standing in the bathroom, he dropped his clothing to the floor and leaned his palms on the sink, still recuperating. He needed to cool down before he showered so he headed to the refrigerator and removed a bottle of water, noticing the pancakes wrapped in cellophane on one of the shelves. He tossed them on a plate to heat up for lunch. Now that he was thinking about Gino, he found his phone and checked to see if it had any messages. It didn’t. “Gone? Are you really gone from me?” 83

G.A. Hauser Colby set the phone aside and headed to the shower. The doctor was right about a lot of things. Change wouldn’t happen unless he did it. He was so used to taking orders, to having his life planned from the moment he woke to the moment he dropped dead from fatigue fourteen hours later, that making decisions about his personal life was hard. He had joined the army for a reason, and that reason was structure, rules, and the privilege of serving the country he loved. After his discharge, he didn’t know how much he loved America anymore. But he had love to give. More than he allowed Gino to see. “I never even told him how I felt.” Colby reached into the tub to turn on the water. He craved Gino like a dull ache and knew it would feel worse before it felt better.

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Chapter Nine Three weeks later, Gino sat at his computer writing up a report about a young man he had just had a meeting with. As he described the youth’s need for attention, his neglect and lack of parental rule, Hailey called through the door, “Gino? There’s someone to see you.” “There always is,” Gino muttered. “Be right there,” he answered back. Typing quickly to get his thoughts down before he forgot them, Gino imagined the worst scenario waiting outside; two cops detaining a young, bitter teenager in handcuffs. “Fine. Good enough for the moment.” He shut down the program and signed off. Standing, Gino ran his hand over his short hair, refraining from the hat idea, but growing face hair instead, and tucked in his shirt. Inhaling deeply, he put his hand on his doorknob and prepared himself for the next problem. When he found a man in uniform standing in the lobby, Gino gasped. It wasn’t a cop. “Colby?” “Hey.” Gino peered back at Hailey’s reception desk. She was smiling at him perceptively. “What are you doing here?” “Just thought I’d say hi.” “Hi? In your army fatigues?” Gino’s skin washed with chills. Seeing Colby in a photo did nothing to prepare him for the powerful presence of this man in full uniform, cap and all.

 

G.A. Hauser “Yeah. I love the new haircut. And growing a goatee is perfect for you, but I told you you’d look good in anything.” “Come here.” Gino didn’t want them to be overheard. “Why are you here?” Colby appeared shy, lowering his head. “I just needed to see you.” Gino addressed Hailey, “I’ll be in my office for a few minutes.” “Okay.” He gestured for Colby to come in, closing the door behind him. Jesus Christ! Look at you. Gino shook his head in awe. Perfection. Colby Hollinger was the best looking military guy Gino had ever seen. His cock swelled whether he wanted it to or not. “So? Here I am. You’ve seen me.” “So? You mean you don’t miss me…at all?” Colby’s brown eyes were like a puppy’s. Miss you? I’m going completely nuts without you. And now? With you looking like that? Gino rubbed his face and head tiredly. “I just thought—” “Thought? Thought coming to my office looking like a…” Gino shook his head, staring at the patch on Colby’s shoulder; three yellow chevrons topping one stripe over the insignia of his unit, his name tag on his chest. “But you said once…” “I know what I said.” Gino still had the same fantasy. “Sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking.” Colby turned to the door. Gino touched his shoulder. “It took a lot for you to put that on, didn’t it?” Colby didn’t turn around, but Gino could see from his body language he was struggling. “You did that for me?” “Yeah. Stupid, huh.” Squeezing Colby’s arm, Gino made Colby face him. He cupped Colby’s jaw and kissed him lightly. Colby chuckled. “Never kissed a guy with a beard before.” 86

It Takes a Man The comment made Gino smile. He ran his hands over the fabric of Colby’s shirt. “Where did you end up going for Thanksgiving?” “The base.” Gino nodded. “I was worried about you.” “Were you? I suppose that’s something.” “I can’t take too long here at work. Did you call in sick again?” “I…” “You…?” Gino missed him. Missed Colby’s magic touch. For the last three weeks, other than spending one day with his family for Thanksgiving, he’d done nothing but go to the office and go home to sleep. “I couldn’t work there.” “You quit?” “Not exactly.” “Colby.” Gino assumed they would go through the same mystery question games as usual. But instead, Colby replied, “I was given disability leave with benefits. I couldn’t do the job, Gino.” “Oh, babe.” Gino caressed his cheek. “I’m sorry.” Gino was amazed Colby admitted it. “I’m still seeing the base shrink, and we’re working on getting me into something with less potential for violence.” “I think that’s best.” “So? Now that I told you the ugly truth, did I waste my time coming here?” “What do you really want, Col?” “You. I really want you.” Gino smiled. “Are you already dating someone else?” “No.” “But…” Colby cleared his throat. “But don’t want me?” The phone on Gino’s desk rang. He stared at it for a minute, knowing he had to answer it. “I’ll let you go. I’m sorry, Gino.” 87

G.A. Hauser “Wait.” Gino stopped him from leaving. He picked up the receiver and said, “Gino Williams, can I help you?” As he spoke, he ran his palm down Colby’s broad chest to his pants, cupping his crotch. Colby closed his eyes and exhaled. Gino listened to someone at the detention center requesting paperwork. “I can fax it or email it, which would you prefer?” “Email.” Gino gave Colby’s growing dick a last squeeze and turned towards his desk for a pen. “What’s the name and birth date of the young man?” As he scribbled down the information, he felt Colby press up against his ass. The shiver that rushed through Gino almost knocked the phone out of his hand. “Yes. I’ll do it now. You’re welcome.” Gino hung up and braced his hands on the desk. “Do you have any idea how much I want to have sex with you right now?” Colby laughed seductively. Am I going to start this relationship again? Go through the same torture of not communicating? Gino peered over his shoulder at an army man grinding his cock into his ass. Herofigure? Ha. More like hero-worship. He spun around and crouched in front of Colby, opening his belt and zipper. Colby reached back for the wall for support. Gino yanked down his low-rise white briefs and enveloped Colby’s cock, sucking it as he ran his fingers up and down Colby’s trouser legs to the top of his boots. He inhaled the fresh-from-the-shower scent of his body, assuming Colby had his run before he arrived. Gino couldn’t deny he was going crazy for him. Colby held Gino’s head but didn’t use it to thrust, always allowing Gino the lead. But when Colby’s hips jerked forward, and his dick pulsated, becoming thick and rock hard, Gino knew what was coming. Colby was. Gino moaned softly as his mouth filled, swallowing his soldier-boy’s cum and wanting more. 88

It Takes a Man Colby didn’t make a sound, but his breathing was heavy and quick. Gino rubbed his face into Colby’s crotch, yearning more of him. He leaned back and tucked Colby’s cock inside his briefs, helping him with his pants. “Gino…” Colby whimpered. “Come home tonight.” Standing, wiping his mouth, Gino wanted to. “I’ll let you know.” Looking slightly forlorn, Colby nodded tacitly. He cupped Gino’s jaw and kissed him. The tenderness of the moment made Gino feel an actual pain in his chest from the craving. “Bye,” Colby said. “Bye.” Colby opened the door to the office and left. As he did, Gino watched. Before Colby vanished out of sight, he turned back to look. Gino smiled, but Colby didn’t. He just nodded his head once and walked out. “What a hunk!” Gino spun around to Hailey who was glowing in her admiration. “Yeah. No kidding.” Gino stared at the glass door. “I really respect our guys in the military. They’re doing one heck of a job.” Gino had no interest in discussing Colby’s private life. “I agree. Okay. I have to email a file.” He returned to his desk and read the information he had jotted down. Admit it, Gino. You want him. Just admit it. Colby stared at his reflection in the dresser mirror as he removed his uniform. He missed being in it, going back to base, surrounded by his colleagues. He felt cheated. There was nothing else he wanted to do. Yeah, acting. Acting as a guy in the military. At least then I can wear the uniform and get paid for pretending. Paperwork littered his nightstand. He had to complete a mountain of forms to get disability leave, but Dr. Maddox 89

G.A. Hauser recommended it. Quitting and being unemployed with just VA pay wasn’t going to cut it. He dressed in a pair of sweatpants and a worn t-shirt that he had cut the sleeves off of so his tattoos showed when he worked out. Taking the stack of paper, he brought it to his kitchen table, removed a beer from the fridge and sat to fill out forms. Reason for disability? Colby wanted to write, ‘homophobia in the military’ but his doctor recommended he not play games and just write, ‘post traumatic stress’. The catch-all for everyone who turned funny after combat. He didn’t argue. His dreams were the chronic symptom of that syndrome. Scrubbing his eyes as he grew weary of the questions which were tedious and personal in nature, Colby slouched in the chair, slapped down the pen and drank his beer. Thanksgiving was barely tolerable at the base. Pushing a tray down an assembly line and sitting with people he didn’t know for dinner only made him feel worse. He tried to get up the nerve to call home a few times, but worried his father would answer. Retired Major Chad Hollinger was not happy his son ‘turned queer’ and got discharged. All the men in his family were in the armed forces. Two brothers in the Marines, one in the National Guard, military cousins, uncles, all proud to serve. Colby was as well. It was all he ever wanted to do. He had enlisted right out of North Seattle Community College, walking right into basic training. Loved every minute of it. Well, not every minute. But even during the worst tour of duty, which was Afghanistan, Colby still had memories that held him tight. And a man who did as well. Fox. Colby walked to the living room and brought back the photo of he and Fox, setting it on the table as he filled out forms. Or actually, as he drank beer. He had stopped filling out forms. 90

It Takes a Man He was so hot for Fox when he met him, Colby made a play for him the first chance he had, risking everything. But that long shot paid off. In their body armor, combat helmets, carrying M-16s, he touched Fox’s ass while they were on patrol. It was too deliberate to be an accident. As Colby waited to see what response he would get, anything from a punch in the face to a bullet, Fox gave him an astonished gape and a nice grope to his crotch in return. From then on they were grinding, humping fools, fucking and sucking every chance they got. Colby learned to keep his gasping and grunting behind his teeth. The places where he and Fox screwed made Colby smile. It was insanity at its finest. But it got them through the roughest times. Fox wasn’t military career minded, just a reservist who finished his tour of duty to return to work his real job as a teacher. Fox also went home to his wife and young kid. Colby had no hard feelings or regrets. Fox never lied or made promises. They were there for release in the night. Good enough. He didn’t know if he ever loved Fox, but he sure loved the sex. Until he met Gino. Finding a man who only wanted men was much better. Gino appeared to drink up their physical contact like lapping honey. To Fox it was about the end result. Coming. And Fox wasn’t gentle, he was aggressive, hungry. Colby had some rough bouts without lube or a condom. Crazy, but they did fuck bareback, though it was rare. Mostly blowjobs and hand-jobs, but sometimes Fox would get horny-nasty and take what he wanted. Tipping the beer bottle up, Colby finished it and contemplated another. He had one Alaskan Amber left, which meant he had to go shopping. He stared at the photo. He wasn’t sure why he kept it displayed. Maybe it was a reminder of what he had, and what he 91

G.A. Hauser lost. Yes, he lost Fox, but really it was his ability to serve that he missed most. Rising up to get another beer, Colby returned the photo to its spot in the living room and removed the last amber ale from the fridge. He opened the cap and stood near the sink, drinking it. Wiping his lip, Colby stared at the kitchen table and sighed, sitting down to fill out more forms. Gino finished his last report. His neck and shoulders ached from typing. He rolled his head to ease the stiffness and shut down the program. Gathering up his shoulder bag, Gino glanced at his phone to see if he missed any calls. Pocketing it, putting on his Brooks Brothers full length, black wool coat, Gino slung his leather bag over his shoulder and shut the light, closing his office door. It was pitch dark outside and raining. Nothing new. This was winter in Seattle. Turning up his collar as he walked to his car, Gino imagined eating alone, hanging out alone, and sleeping alone. Then he imagined Colby in his ACUs. His delicious cock in his mouth. But… Would he be leading Colby on? Using him? He sat behind the wheel, tossing his bag on the seat beside him, and started the engine. Like his car had a mind of its own, it ended up at One hundred and fifteenth and Greenwood. Gino parked and didn’t hesitate. He used the key he still possessed, wondering if he had known he would return eventually, and climbed the familiar stairs. When he stood at the door of Colby’s unit, he was about to just use the key, but thought that was wrong. He didn’t belong here anymore. He had revoked his status as part time resident, so Gino knocked. The door opened and Colby appeared stunned. He backed up and allowed Gino to pass. “Hey.” “Hey.” Gino placed his bag on the floor where he usually put it. “I still have your keys.” He dangled them. 92

It Takes a Man “Did you just come to return them?” Did he want to return them? No. Gino noticed the kitchen table was covered in paperwork, two beer bottles sat amidst the pile. When Gino hesitated, Colby shook his head. “I don’t need them. Keep them. If I lock myself out, I’ll know you have a set.” He headed to the table and began straightening the loose papers. “Did I come at a bad time?” “No. A good time.” Colby smiled shyly. Gino took off his coat and draped it over a chair. “I take it you didn’t eat.” “Some things never change.” “I’m hoping they do.” Gino took the Chinese food menu off the top of the refrigerator. “The usual?” “No. Surprise me.” Gino blinked, then replied, “Okay, sounds good.” He leaned his elbows on the counter and read over the choices. Colby stood behind him, pushing his crotch into Gino’s ass. “Now I can’t decide. All my blood went to my dick.” Colby chuckled softly, smoothing his hands over Gino’s back. “I love that haircut, Gino. I mean, I thought the braids were sexy too, but you’re so good looking, you can get away with anything.” “Even the goatee?” Gino laughed. “Even the goatee. I just have to get used to kissing you with it.” Colby stopped caressing Gino. “I’m sorry. That was a stupid thing to say.” “Why?” Gino looked over his shoulder. “It implied I would see you again. I assume you’re just horny. You know. From earlier.” “Colby,” Gino admonished, “No. It’s not like that.” “You haven’t called me since before Thanksgiving. I show up in my ACUs and here you are. Your living sex fantasy, right?” “Is that a bad thing?” Gino turned around to face him. “No. Not at all. Just…” 93

G.A. Hauser “Just?” “I want more from you.” Colby touched Gino’s cheek. Gino had missed those tender caresses more than he would admit. “Are we ready for that?” “I am. I’m willing to try.” “Okay,” Gino answered tentatively. “See that?” Colby pointed to the stack of paper. “Yes.” “Those are my forms to get disability. I have to explain why I can’t handle hands-on confrontations. Nice huh?” “You do what you have to do.” “And this guy?” Colby walked to the living room, holding up a photo. “His name is Fox. We fucked each other.” Gino didn’t know whether this was a relief and a big leap forward in communicating or manic behavior. Colby set the frame down. “He’s married and has a son. We haven’t spoken to each other in years. He and I met in Narqa, Iraq.” “Okay.” Gino crossed his arms. “Did someone find you guys doing it?” “Nope. Never got caught.” “Why the discharge?” “I was propositioned by my commanding officer.” “You said no and he accused you?” Gino was confused. “Not at first. I was afraid if I said no, I’d get the shit details and overlooked for promotions. So, I sucked his cock a couple of times, but I still got shitty details and passed over for promotions. So I stopped. Said no.” Gino shivered. He wasn’t expecting this confession when he showed up. “He threatened me. He said if I didn’t continue to grant him sexual favors, he’d out me.” Colby rubbed his face. “I was stupid enough to take that chance.” “But—” Gino shook his head. “He was the one asking for the sex.” 94

It Takes a Man “He had more stripes than me.” Colby pointed to his shoulder. “Found some dickhead private to say I propositioned him. Lied.” “Are you fucking kidding me?” Gino sat down at the kitchen table. “Nope. This guy made a statement in writing that I had been sexually harassing him.” Gino winced and felt his stomach pinch. “I was hauled into the psychiatrist’s office after several interviews with high ranking brass. I was honest. I told the shrink, yeah, I’m gay but I didn’t harass anyone.” “Did you tell the shrink about the stupid piece of shit who molested you?” “No. I didn’t want to risk a court martial or dishonorable discharge. I denied all charges of harassment, but because I admitted I was gay, I was out.” “Colby.” Gino reached for him. “Nice, huh.” Colby leaned against Gino’s legs. “Sweetheart, I’m sick about it.” “That’s why I couldn’t tell you.” “No. I’m glad you did. Come here.” Gino coaxed Colby to his lap. “I knew you went through some shit. I knew.” “I wanted to retire a major, like my dad.” “So, your dad’s a retired major?” “No. He’s still active, but he will retire a major.” “And I assume he’s not too happy with the result of the discharge.” “Smart.” Colby tried to smile but failed. “Babe.” Gino rubbed Colby’s arm. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I was more stress for you. I didn’t know.” “It was my fault you didn’t know. I have trust issues, Gino.” “Understandably.” “No. Not understandably. I should have trusted you.” “Why? I fucked off for three weeks including Thanksgiving.” 95

G.A. Hauser “I understand. I’m not mad at you. I’m grateful you came back. Did you come back?” “I’m sitting here, aren’t I?” Gino teased, then said, “I’m willing to try.” “What about our cultures?” “We’ll work on it.” He caressed Colby’s chest while he licked his eagle tattoo. Colby exhaled as if releasing stress and with one finger he raised Gino’s chin so they could kiss. At the touch of Colby’s mouth, Gino cock throbbed under Colby’s weight. With the kindness Gino always expected from Colby, Colby cupped Gino’s face and traced his tongue over Gino’s teeth, causing chills to rush up Gino’s spine. “Colby, Colby,” Gino moaned. “What do you want, lover?” “Everything. All of you.” Colby ran kisses across Gino’s cheek to nibble on his earring, sending more shivers down Gino’s body. Gino squeezed Colby’s arm, nudging him to get up. He wanted to be naked in bed. Rising slowly off Gino’s lap, Colby traced his fingertips over Gino’s goatee, smiling adoringly as he did. “Damn, Col…” Gino gripped his own crotch as it surged with pleasure. “What is it about those magic hands of yours?” Colby chuckled quietly as he walked to the bedroom. Gino trailed him, admiring that masculine strut. Undressing as he watched Colby, Gino knew he would never meet another man like him. Colby possessed the heart of a lion, the strength of a bear, and the compassion of an angel. Maybe it was Gino’s own fears, own doubts, preventing him from trusting, letting go. Tonight Colby proved he could. He revealed very deep secrets about himself which Gino knew very few were privy to. Naked, Colby stood, like one of the proud and few, the hero he was. His chest and abdomen were ripped and the muscles were well developed, bulging, stretching the smooth 96

It Takes a Man skin of his torso. A dark triangle of hair grew on his chest and low abdomen, which merged with a dark pubic bush. Gino licked his lips in desire as he stripped off his trousers. Colby’s jaw line was square, a slight dimple centered the middle of his chin and his cheeks had deep hollows under angular cheekbones. His eyebrows were arced over his deep brown, penetrating gaze. Once he was undressed, Gino pulled on his own cock and breathed, “Col…” Colby advanced, closing the gap between them. If Colby were in his combat uniform carrying his F-16, he would be a formidable predator. But Gino knew the man under the camouflage and couldn’t wait for his treat of tenderness. Colby wrapped his arms around Gino’s waist and connected their groins. Staring into Colby’s eyes, Gino nearly swooned. Yeah it was only three weeks, but, man, did I miss this. Making the move to get them on the bed, Gino held Colby’s hips so they stayed tightly sealed to his own and backed Colby up. When Colby released Gino’s waist, Gino persuaded Colby to sit, then he knelt between Colby’s legs. Straddling for Gino, Colby ran his hands over Gino’s shaved head. Gino wondered if Colby missed the braids. He did, but he couldn’t complain about having low maintenance hair. He spread Colby’s thighs wider, admiring his protruding cock and the sack below. Leaning forward, Gino went for a taste, licking Colby’s balls and nuzzling his cock. Enveloping Colby’s entire length, holding it in his mouth, Gino smiled to himself. There were some perks to not carrying around eight inches. You got to enjoy all of it easily. He drew suction to the tip and felt Colby’s body tense. It finally occurred to Gino why Colby was so quiet when he came. Years of practice. While his mouth was busy sucking and licking Colby’s dick, Gino ran his hands up Colby’s chest to his nipples. Colby’s breathing quickened, becoming raspy and thin. 97

G.A. Hauser Tasting pre-cum, Gino worked him faster, pinching both nipples as he did. Colby’s cock thickened and throbbed, sending creamy blasts of cum inside Gino’s mouth. Gino moaned and swallowed, using hard suction to gather it all. When Colby caught his breath he whispered, “Thank you, Gino.” “My pleasure, babe. Now you lay back.” Colby landed heavily on the bed, still panting for air. Using Colby’s knees to propel himself to his feet, Gino walked around the bed to the nightstand. Looking back at Colby, who was still as stone, Gino rolled on a rubber and coated himself with lube. Returning to where he had been, Gino lifted Colby’s legs so his feet were on the bed. Colby scooted closer to the edge, granting easy access. Gino placed the head of his cock on target and pushed into the tight heat. He felt Colby’s body stiffen, then release. Gino continued until he was pressed tightly against Colby’s body. He inhaled Colby’s scent deeply, then began fucking this handsome GI. “How’s my man?” “Good.” “Good,” Gino echoed seductively. Holding Colby’s thighs, Gino increased his speed and depth, feeling the climax coming close. Part of him wanted to come, while another part wanted to edge the climax and fuck for hours. Colby was so obliging, Gino knew he could do as he pleased. But he would never take advantage of Colby. He held back just enough to savor the act, then did something he knew would make him come. He looked at his lover as he lay naked, getting fucked. Immediately Gino’s balls tightened up and his cock pulsated as he came. He grunted and sealed his eyes shut, burrowing in. When he opened his them, Gino found Colby’s affectionate gaze. He pulled out and sat back on his heels, recuperating. Before Gino could move, Colby slid off the bed to the floor, so they were eye to eye. He cupped Gino’s jaw and kissed him. 98

It Takes a Man Kisses so kind and sweet, Gino felt his eyes burn with emotion. “How could anyone ever hurt you like that, Colby? You’re like sugar.” “So are you. Brown sugar,” Colby whispered, smiling. “Get the hell over here.” Gino hugged him, pulling Colby to his lap and resting his cheek on Colby’s shoulder. “I love you, Gino.” Gino prevented himself from reacting in shock and tightened his hold on Colby. Never did he imagine Colby felt that deeply for him. But it felt nice. Very nice. Leaning back so he could see Colby’s expression, Gino touched Colby’s lips with his fingertip, teasing Colby’s mouth. “I must be crazy about you, because I keep coming back.” Colby smiled under Gino’s finger. “Time to wash up and get food?” “Yes.” Colby stood, reaching down to haul Gino up. In only a pair of gym shorts, Colby sat at the kitchen table while Gino ordered their food for delivery. He liked Gino’s new look. Gino wasn’t wearing the green contacts at the moment. As far as Colby was concerned, Gino needed nothing to improve his natural beauty. To his knowledge he didn’t remember Gino discussing any type of exercise routine, but Gino didn’t have an ounce of fat on him. He was tall and slender, with a skin tone that made Colby’s mouth water. His shaved pubes and nuts made Colby hot, very hot. Staring at Gino’s perfect bubble butt while he wore a pair of Colby’s shorts was too much to handle. Colby was sporting another hard-on, tenting the navy blue material covering his crotch. Fuck it. Colby stood behind Gino as he spoke on the phone. He reached around Gino’s waist and dipped his hand into his shorts, feeling the prickly texture of shaved skin. Gino peered over his shoulder, still speaking to the restaurant. “Yes. That’s fine. Thank you.” He disconnected the call and set the cordless on the counter. “Still want some?” 99

G.A. Hauser “Seeing you in my clothes gets me horny.” Colby dug down to Gino’s balls, massaging them. Letting out a sigh, Gino leaned against him, reaching back to stroke Colby’s face. After his ‘I love you’, Colby wondered if ‘Live with me’ would be okay to say. He was happiest when Gino was here, overnight. But after the recent separation, however brief, and their disagreements, Colby didn’t. “Can you wait until after we eat?” “Sure. I don’t want to, but I can.” Colby cradled Gino’s package in his palm. “Mm.” “Mm, no kidding.” Gino chuckled. “I have no complaints about our sex life, Col.” “Good.” Colby didn’t even want to delve into a topic in which there could be complaints. He already knew them all. But avoiding topics of discussion would never deter Colby from trying to establish a good relationship with Gino. “Any beer in the fridge?” “I drank the last one. Want me to go out? I can run to the Safeway and pick some up.” “No. It’s okay.” Gino made a move as if he wanted to face Colby, so Colby took his hand out of Gino’s shorts. Gino did spin around, resting his arms over Colby’s shoulders, staring into his eyes. “Remember when we first met?” “I’d rather remember our first date.” Colby smiled shyly. “Yeah. How did you ever convince me to go to SBC for a latte? Man, I thought you were a beast.” “I won you over with my boyish charm.” “Charm.” Gino pecked his lips. “I guess what impressed me was your lack of bravado. Your soft-spoken manner.” “You knocked me off my feet the minute I spotted you.” “So did you, but not in a good way.” Colby held Gino’s narrow waist as they spoke. He was enjoying the verbal closeness as much as the press of their cocks. “How do you feel about Ken? About him being a cop?” 100

It Takes a Man Gino exhaled a deep breath. “Mixed feelings. He’s seven years older than I am and I idolized him as a kid. But Ken can be a bully sometimes. I worry about him getting heavy handed. I worry about all people in authority abusing it.” Nodding, Colby remembered Agent Robbie Taylor’s comment to Ken when they were at the club. “It’s a thin line to walk. You either get aggressive or risk getting killed or injured.” “You should know.” “I do. We’re taught how to survive. Sometimes when sleep doesn’t come easy, and you’re boiling hot in your battle gear, you get angry. You start to question everything, you know; why you’re doing what you’re doing. And the adrenaline dumps from the terror you feel are murder on your gut.” “I can’t imagine.” “Most civilians can’t. Only the guys out there doing the job know. And we don’t talk about it.” “I think even though a majority of people are against the war, they admire and support you guys.” Colby felt his heart ache. “Us guys? Not me anymore.” Gino’s body tightened in anger. “Fuck that! Col, it’s not fair what they did. Look at you. You couldn’t be better suited for that job. You’re clear-headed, calm, intelligent. What the fuck did they do discharging you? How fucked up is this country?” “When it comes to gays, very.” Colby tried to calm Gino down. “Hon, I’ve stopped feeling fury. I can’t walk around pissed off and resentful. It was killing me.” “Sorry, babe.” Gino kissed him. “Just gets me so mad. I don’t get what all the fuss is about?” “I would imagine being a black gay man, you’ve had your share of shit.” Gino rolled his eyes. “Don’t even get me going.” Colby reached for his hand and led Gino to the sofa, draping his leg over Gino’s knee. “Talk to me.” Scrubbing his eyes like he was tired, Gino ran his hand over his goatee and sighed. “I suppose coming out isn’t easy for 101

G.A. Hauser anyone. I stayed to myself in college. I had some good friends but I didn’t really go in for the partying and drinking.” Colby couldn’t believe they were talking like this. It made him so happy inside. Maybe it wasn’t as scary as he thought it would be. “I had some sex, you know. Here and there.” Gino slipped his fingers around Colby’s thigh. “I didn’t fall in love or make any attachments. I was busy all the time.” Though Gino oozed sensuality, Colby resisted the urge to lay over him on the sofa and kiss for an hour. This was good. Talking like this. “At first my family was angry. I told them I was gay when I started working over at DSHS. I figured they knew anyway. You’d have thought the braids and green contacts were a dead giveaway.” Colby loved Gino’s smile. “Anyway,” Gino continued, “I sat my mom down and actually admitted it. She didn’t seem that surprised, but she was nervous about my dad and brother’s reaction. Ken being a thug and all.” Colby chuckled. “So the family wasn’t too big of an obstacle. I suppose since Ken has children, they weren’t counting on me for grandchildren.” Nodding, Colby rubbed Gino’s knee, encouraging him to continue. “But…” Gino inhaled deeply before he said, “Ken married a black woman and still goes to church. Compared to him?” Gino gestured to Colby at the contrast of his life, but made a silly face to soften the blow. “Yeah. I don’t think even parents who accepted your being gay would want a chump like me as part of the family.” “Actually, Ken gave me a call after you met him at the club.” “Uh oh.” Colby sank. “No. He said you were all right. That I should bring you by on Thanksgiving.” 102

It Takes a Man “Really?” “I swear.” Gino held up his hand. “But…you still didn’t.” “I’m sorry. It was me worrying about if we would be compatible. I don’t care what my family thinks of my choices.” The buzzer sounded. Colby hopped up and found his wallet. Before he went to meet the delivery man, he pointed at Gino. “I want to continue this.” “Okay,” Gino replied, laughing. Gino cleared the paperwork off the kitchen table. He picked up the pile and read the diagnosis Colby had entered in the box. “What crap. The poor man can’t even tell the world the real reason. Man, that is so wrong. What is so scary about gay men serving in the military? What am I not getting here?” Gino set the paperwork aside and took two plates out of the cabinet. “I’ll tell you what. Gays can’t marry, can’t do shit. Why? That’s all I’m asking. Why?” “Talking to yourself?” Colby returned with a large bag of food. The aroma instantly filled the apartment. “Arguing with myself.” “Oh? Then it’s not just me?” Colby grinned, taking the white boxes out of the bag and setting them on the table. “Why can’t gay men and women serve?” “They can. They just have to shut up about it.” Colby threw the bag in the trash and opened the refrigerator, taking out two bottles of water. “Why?” “It’s the law.” Colby sat down, opening each container to inspect the contents. “Why?” Cracking up, Colby shook his head. “Man, go back to arguing with yourself.” Gino touched Colby’s hand, making Colby meet his eyes. “I want to fight this thing.” “Fight what?” “This law. I want to help repeal it.” 103

G.A. Hauser “Good luck.” Colby scooped white rice onto his plate. “I’m going to do some research into it.” “Don’t. You’re wasting time. Even if they put it on a ballot we’ll lose. Look at Prop Eight, Maine. It goes on and on.” “I thought this new president said things would change.” Gino hated the fact it hadn’t in the ways he had hoped. “Each one of us has had to fight for what we believe in. Right?” “Your point?” Gino spooned sweet and sour chicken onto his plate. “You just have to keep hoping. Things have come a long way in the last fifty years in this country for minorities. Maybe gays are the final frontier.” “We sound like space aliens.” Colby smiled as he chewed. “I think sometimes space aliens would get better treatment.” Gino paused in his eating and stared at Colby. “This is nice.” “What?” Colby wiped his mouth with a napkin. “Us. This.” Gino pointed his chopsticks at them both. “Yeah. Kinda is.” Colby’s dimples showed when he smiled. Gino never knew how wonderful those dimples were. The man needed to smile more often. Holding out a piece of pineapple in his chopsticks, Gino offered it to Colby. Colby leaned forward and ate it, his expression full of devotion as he chewed. “God! I remember that first date!” Gino groaned dramatically. “I don’t know how I ever went out with you again after that.” “Yeah, sure ya don’t. You were hot for my bod.” “You didn’t talk. You brooded.” “Did not. I wasn’t brooding. I was petrified.” “Petrified?” Gino took a helping of shrimp fried rice. “You were in Iraq. How could you be afraid of me?” “Believe me. You intimidated the shit out of me.” 104

It Takes a Man “Why? What did I do? I just sat there waiting for you to say something.” “That’s why.” Colby grinned, guzzling his water. “I was surprised you agreed to go in the first place.” Gino shrugged. “I was bored and hadn’t been on a date in ages.” “Oh. Nice!” Colby teased. “Lucky for you I did.” Gino ate a shrimp and then said, “You kept talking about the weather.” The blush appeared in Colby’s cheeks. “I had no idea where safe ground was. Jesus, don’t all Seattleites talk about the rain?” “Some. I think most of us are used to it and don’t bother anymore.” “Juan used to moan constantly.” “Diaz? Your co-worker at the center?” “Yeah. Nice guy.” “I do think of moving to some place sunny.” “Ever think of LA?” “Can’t afford LA.” Gino stole a shrimp off Colby’s plate with his chopsticks. “Maybe with two incomes we can.” Gino choked and blinked. “What did you say?” “Nothing.” Colby held up his hands. “Just me jumping the gun. Forget I said it.” “Two incomes?” Putting down his chopsticks, Colby waved his hands frantically. “I said forget it. Rewind.” Gino shook his head, amused. “If I read this correctly, I’m the only one earning at the moment.” “Yeah. You are. I’m sucking off the government’s teat.” “And don’t you forget it.” Gino joked. “And you did nothing to deserve it. Did you? What, a few years in the service? Ha.” “Ten.” “Ten.” “But who’s counting.” 105

G.A. Hauser “You, obviously.” “Wish I did twenty.” “Hey, how old a man do you think I’ll date?” “Really? Don’t like older men?” “I don’t think of you as an older man. You don’t look older than me.” “You’re twenty-six, right?” “Right.” “Your birthday’s Christmas day.” Gino sat back and gaped at him. “Did I tell you that or are you turning into Agent Taylor.” “You told me. You said it sucked as a kid because you didn’t get enough presents.” “I don’t remember telling you that.” “Pillow talk. You did.” Colby leaned closer. “Bet you don’t remember mine.” “I know you’re a damn Scorpio so somewhere between October twenty-third and November twenty-first.” “Oh no…please don’t tell me you’re into zodiac signs.” Colby whined, covering his face. “You fit it to a T.” Gino aimed his chopsticks at Colby. “You’re demanding of yourself and give your heart loyally. I know you.” “When did I tell you my sign?” “Pillow talk,” Gino said, laughing. “Well, you missed it. It was October twenty-fifth.” “I missed it? Sorry, man.” “I didn’t expect you to do anything. Our relationship has been very…” “Yeah. Very.” Gino felt guilty. “Let me make it up to you.” “You have. You did.” Colby resumed eating. “No. Like take you to dinner or something special.” When Colby sat up and his jaw dropped, Gino couldn’t understand why. “What did I say?” “You’ll be seen with me? Like for dinner? Alone?” 106

It Takes a Man “Yes! Do you think I don’t want to be seen with you? Is that why you think we don’t do anything outside this apartment?” “Well, yeah.” Gino set his chopsticks on his plate and wiped his lips with his napkin. “No. That’s not entirely true.” “Not entirely? What? Partly?” It was Gino’s turn for honesty. He just didn’t want to hurt Colby’s feelings. “Okay. I’ll tell you the truth.” Colby stopped eating to listen. “Because of my first impression of you…thinking you looked like a thug like my brother,” Gino cleared his throat and made a silly face trying to lessen the sting, “I did worry if I was seen out with you by one of my friends or work colleagues, I may get some grief.” “Wow.” “Sorry.” “Shit. I should grow my hair longer.” “Just a tad?” Gino winked. “I’m sorry, Gino. I had no idea I looked that bad.” “Bad? Honey! You’re gorgeous. You just look mean. A mean-army-machine.” Gino began finishing his dinner. “Most guys who look like you are Rush Limbaugh supporters. You don’t fit the profile in the least. And it’s more bad on me for sinking to stereotyping.” He chewed another bite of food. “I should know better.” When Colby stood up abruptly from the table, Gino became upset. “Col! I’m sorry.” He rushed after Colby and found him standing in the bathroom staring in the mirror touching his face and hair. “Babe. Come back and finish your dinner.” Gino felt like crap for opening up. “Do I?” Colby lost color in his cheeks. “Do I look that bad?” “No. Babe.” Gino tugged on him. “Let’s finish eating. I wish I never said it now.” “Oh my God.” 107

G.A. Hauser “Colby, babe. It’s not you. You’re not like that. I was ignorant. Don’t blame yourself.” “I just kept everything the same as when I was active. You know?” He ran his hand over his hair. “It’s what I’ve done for a decade. I never even thought it made me look like a nasty Republican freak.” “Babe. Come back to the table.” Gino dragged Colby with him. “Holy shit.” Colby appeared shell-shocked. Gino had no idea Colby had a different self image and assumed Colby had deliberately kept up the harsh appearance for his last job in the detention center. “There is so much I don’t know about you.” Gino reached across the table to him. “And so much you wish you didn’t know?” “No.” Gino squeezed Colby’s fingers. “This is just what we need.” “How can you even be attracted to a guy like me?” “I never thought I could be. You’re the first white guy I’ve dated.” Gino pointed to Colby’s plate. “Eat.” Colby picked up his chopsticks. “Am I the first black man you’ve had?” “No. I messed around with a guy I met at NCC.” “Yeah?” Gino dumped the last of the chicken onto Colby’s plate. “Whatever happened to him?’ “I don’t know. We had a couple of dates then I enlisted right after I got my associates degree.” Colby chewed his food. “We lost touch.” “Got you a taste for the brothers?” Gino smiled wickedly. “You know what they say…” Colby chuckled. “Yeah, I know.” “But that other GI. Fox. He was white.” Gino gestured to the photo in the living room. “I’m attracted to all types of men, Gino. But when I laid eyes on you?” Colby whistled. “Insta-wood.” “The braids get you?” Gino started stacking empty containers. 108

It Takes a Man “No. The entire package. Gino, you had an aura about you I drooled over. Green contacts and all.” “Aura?” “Yes. A spiritual quality, but not in a religious sense. More, an intensity.” Gino felt his cheeks warm. No one ever said anything like that to him. “I wanted to be in your company. Hang out with you. Like you were the cool kid in school and I was the geek.” Gino cracked up with laughter. It made Colby smile brightly. “You charmer, you.” “Hey.” Colby held up both hands. “I’m only saying what I feel.” Standing, Gino cleared the table, setting the plates into the sink. “You ever talk this way to Fox?” “Hell no. I told you the fucker was married.” “Yeah. That’s right. Sad doing that to your spouse back home.” “He never wore his ring. I suppose once I found out I should have stopped.” “I think it’s like they say. All’s fair in love and war.” “No. That’s a load of crap. We knew what we were doing was wrong. But.” Colby shrugged, tossing empty cartons into the trash. “Still felt good to get your dick sucked.” Gino wanted to ask him what it was like sucking a dick you did not want to suck. His supervisor’s dick. But that was for another day. Gino didn’t think he wanted Colby to talk about something that painful on their first foray into the realm of conversation. When Colby started washing the dishes, Gino tugged on his shorts. “Later. Come here.” Colby shut off the water and wiped his hands. With his fingers tucked inside Colby’s elastic waistband, Gino escorted him to the bedroom. He yanked his own shorts to the floor and kicked them aside, leaping onto the bed, craning his finger in invitation. Colby stripped and met him against the pillows. 109

G.A. Hauser “Hey, Staff Sgt. Hollinger.” “Hey, Mr. Williams.” “Come here often?” “I ‘come’ here all the time.” “Mm.” Gino scooted closer so their bodies touched. Holding Colby’s shoulder he urged him to a kiss. Colby ran his hand along Gino’s side, sending tingles all over Gino’s skin. “Why don’t you dominate me, honey?” “Yeah?” Colby brightened. “I won’t break.” “Hero-figure shit?” Gino narrowed his eyes. “I wish I never told you that.” “I’m glad you did.” Colby climbed on top of Gino trapping him under his weight. “I can’t be rough with you.” “No. Not rough. Just in charge.” Gino felt Colby’s cock pulsate between them. He was happy Colby liked the idea. Up ‘til then, Colby allowed Gino to lead in every sexual encounter. It was time Gino found out what Colby really wanted. Colby wanted Gino’s mouth. He placed an elbow on each side of Gino’s head and went for it. Kissing him, knowing he could take his time and Gino would let him, made a huge difference to Colby. Soft and full of adoration, Colby used tiny flips of his tongue to tantalize Gino. Gino parted his lips and moaned, spreading his legs wide allowing Colby to rest between them. Using friction to crank up the heat, Colby ground his groin against Gino’s, feeling the prickly bristles of his shaved pubis. It stoked the fire in Colby as he visualized pushing his face where his crotch was. Colby held Gino’s jaw in his hand, parting to see Gino’s eyes before he resumed kissing him. Gino’s goatee was soft, brushing Colby’s skin, not scratching it. Tensing up his leg muscles, Colby elevated his hips just enough so he could ride his cock, side to side, over Gino’s. With his toes digging into the bed, Colby did a half-push up and 110

It Takes a Man looked downwards, watching their lengths caress each other. Colby closed his eyes to gain control. The closeness he and Gino were sharing felt richer than ever. A connection had been made that Colby never realized he was starving for. Opening his eyes, Colby began inching his way lower, kissing and licking Gino’s skin as he did. Gino groaned and squeezed Colby’s shoulders with both hands. After Colby kissed Gino’s naval, he knelt between Gino’s legs and gathered up Gino’s cock and balls in his hands to admire. “Col…I’m on fire. Baby…you are amazing.” Colby glanced into Gino’s eyes, then dipped down to suck the head of his cock. Working Gino’s balls against the base of his dick, Colby drew long, hard suction from his fingers to the tip, causing Gino to buck his hips in reflex. Once he had a good taste of Gino’s cock, Colby licked his way to those shaved balls. He engulfed them one by one, holding them in his mouth, running his tongue over the new growth of hair. More sensual moans filled Colby’s ears; his name as well as words of warmth and love. Colby sat back and urged Gino’s legs into the air. He kissed his inner thighs and ran his tongue over Gino’s rim. Gino gasped and his body tensed. Working his tongue and thumb in tandem, Colby wet the area around Gino’s ass and used his thumb to massage it. “Fuck! Colby…my God…” Gino gasped. Continuing to massage Gino’s rim gently, Colby returned to his engorged dick. It was standing stiff and rigid, seeping at the tip. Colby consumed it as deeply as he could, making it throb and drip in his mouth. Running his thumb in circles around Gino’s hole, using more pressure and sucking faster, Colby felt Gino’s body gearing up for a climax. He held Gino’s cock upright and squeezed the base in time with his suction. “Babe…oh, babe…” Gino came as if in slow motion. 111

G.A. Hauser Colby closed his eyes and felt his own dick spurt pre-cum at Gino’s pleasure. His mouth filled and he savored it on the back of his tongue before he swallowed. Another deep shudder of Gino’s cock filled his mouth once more. Colby made sure he got every drop before he sat back on his heels and wiped his mouth and sweaty face. Gino’s chest rose and fell like a bellows as he recuperated. Colby reached for the nightstand. He prepared himself and used a good fingerful of lube on Gino. “Okay?” “God yeah…” Gino huffed, still breathing heavy. Colby slid his cock into Gino’s depth, shivering down to his toes from the heat and tightness. Once he was in, he held Gino’s legs and stayed still, feeling his cock throb and react to the penetration. With his eyes on Gino, Colby began moving in and out slowly, and with devotion, into a man he wanted very much. Slipping out to the tip and riding back to the hilt, Colby felt his skin pouring with perspiration, the glowing dew of sex. The scent of testosterone waft up Colby’s nose and made him shiver. Meeting Gino’s dark eyes, Colby felt a rush of pleasure zap through him. He looked down Gino’s lithe figure to his semi-erect cock and dark hanging balls. And Colby came. He pressed tightly against Gino’s body and visualized the cum shooting out of him. Once the sensation subsided, Colby held the rubber and pulled out, catching his breath. Silently he climbed off the bed and disposed of the spent condom, washing up and bringing a wet cloth to do the same for Gino. Gino waited, not stirring. Colby returned after tossing the washcloth back in the bathroom and climbed on the bed. Gino encircled Colby, sealing them together from chest to toes. “You are the most amazing lover I have ever had.” Colby felt hot with a blush. He didn’t know what to say other than, “Ditto.” “Come closer, babe.” Gino wriggled, tightening their embrace. “Hold me close.” 112

It Takes a Man Squeezing Gino tight, Colby closed his eyes, falling asleep and not remembering any dreams.

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Chapter Ten Gino stood at the bathroom sink, getting ready for work. He could see Colby in the mirror’s reflection dressed in his running gear, watching him. “Doing another long route?” “Yeah.” “Don’t know how you do that.” Gino dried his hands and tucked in his shirt. “Hailey will notice I’m in the same outfit as yesterday.” “I don’t mind if you leave some stuff here.” “I know.” Gino kissed Colby as he passed him, heading to the kitchen. Once he poured himself a cup of coffee, he leaned against the counter. “When do you have to have that paperwork done?” “Sooner the better. I’ll get to it today.” Gino felt as if there was an elephant in the room again. He knew he was supposed to say things like, ‘So, what do you want to do for the holidays?’ or ‘Let’s plan on spending Christmas with my family’ or even, ‘Want to hit the mall and do some gift shopping with me?’ But Gino wondered if asking Colby about the upcoming Christmas Day would upset him, reminding him of his own family problems. He had to think about it first. Last thing he wanted to do was hurt Colby. Setting his mug in the sink, Gino approached him. “Just use the run to get rid of some stress, and don’t get hit by a car. The drivers suck out here.” He put on his coat.

 

It Takes a Man “I won’t. Don’t worry.” Colby patted his pockets. “You have your key?” Gino shouldered his black leather bag. “Yes.” They walked out together, descending the stairs. “Do you want me to stop by tonight?” Colby blew out a breath of air and laughed, “Man, I was afraid to ask you to come over.” “Why?” Gino paused in the lobby. It was raining lightly outside. “Why?” Colby smiled but Gino could tell he was nervous. “Because I never know if each time I’m with you will be the last.” “Colby…” Gino touched his face. The noise of another tenant coming down the stairs made Gino back up abruptly. A young man in a blue mechanic-style jumpsuit paused at first, then continued to the door, not saying anything as he left. “Sorry.” Colby held open the door for Gino. “You were about to either say you were coming or you weren’t.” Gino stepped outside, trying to button his coat with one hand. Colby stood before him and did it for him. “See you tonight.” Gino made sure Colby met his eye. “Good.” Colby hopped up in the air and began his run. He spun back around to wave and vanished down Greenwood Ave. Gino smiled to himself and walked to his car. When he sat behind the wheel he took out his phone and dialed. “Hello?” “Hi, Mom.” “Hi, Gino. How are you?” “Good.” Gino started the car to get the defroster and heater warmed up. “I want to discuss something with you.” “Oh?” “No big deal. Just something I need to ask you.” “You can’t over the phone?” “I’d rather talk in person. Can you meet me for coffee or lunch?” 115

G.A. Hauser “Name the spot.” “Cherry Street?” “When?” “Around noon?” “Okay, baby. I’ll see you there.” Gino hung up and put the car in reverse. He knew it was silly to ‘screen’ his bringing Colby with him for Christmas, he just didn’t want Colby to get the same reaction from his parents as he did from Ken when Ken first met him. “No harm in that.” Gino entered the heavy traffic on Greenwood, headed to work. Colby had gotten his run and food shopping out of the way. He sat at the kitchen table once more to pound away on his forms for Dr. Maddox. When his home phone rang Colby thought it was odd since everyone used his mobile phone. The LCD on the phone read ‘blocked call’. “Hello?” “Colby?” “Dad?” Colby almost fell over from the shock. “Look…I have news I need to share with you.” “News?” By the tone of his father’s voice, Colby had a sinking feeling. He sat back down on the kitchen chair and held his breath. “Brett was killed.” Hearing his brother was dead was like a shot had passed through Colby’s chest. His fist clenched. “His Stryker vehicle drove over a buried IED.” “Dad…” Colby felt crushed. “We’ll have his body home before Christmas. Your mother wanted me to inform you.” “Oh, God…Dad…” Colby choked up. “How’s Mom taking it?” “Not well.” “Please, tell me what I can do to help.” “She just wanted me to tell you. Now I’ve told you.” 116

It Takes a Man “Dad, don’t hang up.” Colby didn’t realize how much he missed him until he heard his voice. Dead silence followed. “Dad, please.” Colby bit back his tears. “Forgive me.” Colby did not hear any response. “Please forgive me!” Colby shouted. The line went dead. He dropped the phone and covered his face, rocking as he swallowed back the sobs. Gino opened the door to the café for his mother, Cyndie. Shaking off the cold drizzle, Gino looked up at the menu board over the service counter. “Soup sounds nice.” “It does. How about soup and a sandwich?” Gino scanned around for an available table. “Go have a seat and I’ll bring it to you. Coffee?” “Just regular coffee with cream.” “Okay, Mom.” Gino took out his wallet and waited his turn to order. With a loaded tray in his hands, he stood by as his mother took the mugs and plates onto the table so Gino could get rid of the cumbersome tray. He returned with napkins and plastic utensils. Removing his coat, placing it on the chair behind him, Gino stirred his coffee and used the mug to warm his hands. “So? How are you doing?” “I’m fine. I’m just wondering why my son needed to speak to me in person.” Cyndie smiled, blowing on the spoon of tomato basil soup before she tasted it. “Why? I can’t see you when I want?” Gino smiled. “You can see me anytime you want.” “See? Now how hard was that?” Gino tried to soup. “Not bad.” “No. It’s nice. Warming me up.” Gino took a bite of his ham and cheddar sandwich first before he said what he came to say. “I’m seeing someone.” Cyndie nodded, giving him her attention. 117

G.A. Hauser “He’s…” Gino hated making excuses for things that didn’t need them. “He’s not black.” “Okay.” Cyndie wiped her hands on a napkin. “That’s it?” “Yes and no. I just thought since I’d be the first in the family to date outside our culture, I’d forewarn you.” “Why? Are you bringing him by?” “I was thinking of inviting him for Christmas.” “I don’t think it’s a problem, Gino. Why do you think we’d mind?” “He’s ex-army and looks a bit…” “A bit…?” “Oh, Jesus, how do I say this without making you think the worst?” “Gino,” she admonished. “If you like him I’m sure he’s a nice guy.” “He is. Mom, he’s cool. I just think first impressions may get the better of you and especially Dad.” “Your father is smarter than that.” “He better be. He’s running for council next election.” Gino ate more of his sandwich. “Okay. I just wanted to get it out there first.” “What’s his name?” “Colby. Colby Hollinger.” She nodded. “What’s he doing now that he’s no longer serving?” “He’s struggling a little. I met him while I was taking a client to the youth detention facility. He was a guard there, but a few days ago he left on disability leave.” “Did he get hurt?” “No. He just can’t deal with the violence anymore. Battle fatigue.” Gino wasn’t about to expose Colby’s secrets unless he got the okay from Colby. “Poor man. I swear I hate that war.” “Me too. I can’t stand how long it’s dragging on, and no one has the balls to stop it and get us out of that mess.” “I know, Gino. But I pray every Sunday.” 118

It Takes a Man Gino didn’t take the bait knowing his mother wasn’t pleased he’d stopped going to church. “So, tell me what else is going on.” “I’m helping out with the soup kitchen this holiday. Why don’t you join me?” “Maybe. Tell me when it is.” Gino felt better. He was very lucky to have such wonderful parents. He knew Colby would get plenty of affection and care from his. And that made Gino very proud. Colby didn’t get an answer when he called his mother’s number. He drove south to Burien on I-5, trying not to speed and pulled into the driveway of the home he’d grown up in. It appeared unoccupied. No lights were on and no cars were in the driveway. Colby tried anyway, in case someone was there. He stood on the front porch, rang the bell and pounded the door. No one answered. Leaning his back against the door, Colby closed his eyes to think. His mother had so many options to choose from for company he had no clue where to start. All three of his brothers were married with children. And his surviving two brothers were most likely being allowed leave from service to attend Brett’s funeral. The phone call from his father was a blocked number, so odds were he was at the base. “Fine. I’ll play the stupid game.” Colby got into his car and drove to the freeway to his brother, Paul’s house first, since it was the closest. When he parked he noticed the lights were on inside the home and there was a car in the driveway. He jogged to the front door. As he rang the bell he heard Paul and Nora’s Dalmatian, Freckles, barking and hoped none of the kids were sleeping. The inner door opened, leaving a screen door between him and Nora, who looked startled. “Colby?” “Hey. I’m looking for my mom.” “She’s not here.” 119

G.A. Hauser Colby shifted his weight. Not going to invite me in? Not going to tell me sorry about my brother? Is it this bad? “Nora…” “What do you want me to say Colby? She’s not here.” “Is she at Billy and Sara’s? Or with Sandra?” “I don’t know.” “Are you really having this conversation with me through the door? I can’t even come in?” Nora looked around anxiously calling the dog. “Hang on.” Colby could see her trying to get a hold of the dog’s collar. “Come in.” Colby wiped his boots on the front mat and opened the door. Freckles went crazy trying to greet him. Once the door was shut behind him, Nora let the dog go. Colby reached down to pet him and then looked up at Nora. “Do you all hate me? Seriously?” “I don’t hate you.” She crossed her arms. “But?” “Look, don’t involve me in your family problems. I have enough to deal with of my own. And Paul’s tour has been extended.” She appeared about to cry. “Now with Brett dead and Sandra on her own with the children, I’m so afraid—” Colby crossed the room and embraced her, patting her back. “I know.” “Sonny and Kathy are devastated their Uncle Brett is dead.” She stepped away from him and wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. “I’m sure. I’m sorry.” Colby wondered if she realized he’d lost his little brother. No one seemed to think he was capable of pain. “I don’t want to bug you. I just wanted to see how Mom is doing.” “I don’t know where she is. You guys have so many relatives here. She’s probably with Sandra. Since she’s the widow that would have been my first guess.” Colby felt like a jerk for not thinking about that as the obvious possibility. “Okay.” He looked around the house. It was full of photos of their children and his mom and dad. Christmas 120

It Takes a Man decorations were everywhere, scented cinnamon candles burned and stockings hung on the fireplace. “Are…are Sonny and Kath even here?” “Why?” She appeared suspicious. “I just wanted to say hi. I haven’t seen them since they were babies.” “I don’t want to disturb them. They’re playing video games in the den.” “So, I can’t poke my head in and say hi?” “I’d prefer you didn’t.” A wash of anger coursed through Colby but he held it back. “Okay. If you hear from Mom, let her know I was looking for her.” “Sure.” Colby figured his mom would find out about the visit, but a call wouldn’t come. “I’ll see you at the funeral.” Nora nodded but wouldn’t meet his eyes any longer. Making sure Nora had a hold of Freckles, Colby left, hearing the door close behind him. “I can’t even see my nephew and niece? What am I, a pedophile?” Colby drove to Renton to Sandra and Brett’s home. The minute he rounded a curve he noticed several cars out front, including his mother’s. He parked and sat in the car staring at his brother’s house. A house Brett had worked hard for and now will never occupy again. Colby dabbed at his eyes and sniffled, trying to calm down. He climbed out of the car and walked the front walkway to the house. It was decorated with icicle lights all along the eaves, a reindeer in white wire and lights grazed outside the front window, and through that bay window, Colby could see the Christmas tree sparkling, loaded with colored twinkling bulbs and ornaments. He knocked, holding his breath, hoping for the best. A man he didn’t know answered. “Can I help you?” “I’m Brett’s brother, Colby. I’m looking for my mom and to see how Sandra is.” As if his name was demonic, the man frowned. “Hang on.” 121

G.A. Hauser When he walked away from the door, Colby tried to remember all of Sandra’s relatives. He hadn’t seen them since Brett and Sandra’s wedding nearly ten years ago. His mother, Holly, appeared at the door, looking wretched. “Mom.” She wiped her eyes with a tissue. “Mom!” Colby shook the screen door handle and it opened. Stepping inside, he embraced her and she wailed against his shoulder. “Shh. Okay, Mom.” “Colby. My Brett, our baby is gone.” Colby knew she was referring to the fact that Brett was the youngest of the three of them. “I’m so sorry, Mom.” Standing with his back to the door, Colby opened his eyes to see into the living room. It was full of people, some in Marine uniforms. Also present were Sandra, her parents, his nephew Caleb and niece Jocelyn. They either were glaring at him or avoiding eye contact. Colby couldn’t believe the hostility. They’re all wishing it was me instead of Brett. “Mom?” Colby tried to see her face. “I’m okay. You better go.” “Go? Why am I going? Can’t I at least talk to Sandra and—” “No. You better not.” Feeling defiant, Colby shouted into the room. “I lost my brother! Do you think I’m a monster who isn’t devastated?” “Colby,” his mother admonished. Someone from inside said, “Get lost, homo,” under their breath, but Colby certainly heard it. “What did I do?” Colby yelled to the crowd. “What did I do to deserve this? My brother was killed and you’re exiling me because of nothing?” “Colby.” Holly nudged him outside to the porch. “Don’t make a scene. Everyone’s upset.” Colby was beside himself with frustration. “I wanted to keep serving. I didn’t want to leave. Those people in there act as 122

It Takes a Man if I was a coward and quit. Mom, I didn’t quit. I loved it. Please.” “I can’t handle this now. Not with making the arrangements for Brett’s funeral.” Running his hands over his head, in anguish, Colby nodded and bit his lip. “I just need to be a part of this. Can you understand?” “I do. But there are too many people who are angry right now.” “At who? Me?” Colby pressed his hand over his heart. “Me? For being who I am? Mom…” “Colby, I cannot deal with this at the moment.” She shivered and crossed her arms over her chest. Colby made a move to take off his jacket to give to her. She stopped him. “Go.” “Mom…” Colby was sick to his stomach. “I need to grieve. I lost Brett too.” “I’m sorry.” She began backing away. When she opened the door to go in the house, Colby broke down. “Please! Forgive me! Mom!” She went inside and closed the door. Consumed by pain, Colby covered his face and tried to cope. He heard a car. When he looked up he noticed a group of men in their Marine dress uniforms climbing out. Colby walked to his car, turning his head, avoiding them. Sitting behind the wheel, he slouched low and forced himself to calm down before he drove. It was one thing to avoid a confrontation with his family, to stay quiet and try to move on, it was another thing to have hatred thrown in his face at a time when he needed support the most. It didn’t sink in until now the amount of suffering he’d caused his family and if he could go back and change it, he would have denied what he was and played the game. Gino stopped at his apartment to pick up fresh clothing and toiletries. On his drive to Colby’s place he called him. “Hey, should I pick up a pizza?” 123

G.A. Hauser “Sure.” “You all right?” Gino thought Colby sounded upset. “I’ll talk to you when you get here.” “I’ll get the pizza delivered. I’m on my way.” Gino hung up and tried to imagine the hoops Colby had to jump through to get disability from his job. He had to convince Colby to go back to school. Grabbing his bag once he had parked in a guest spot at the apartment, Gino bounded up the stairs and found the unit door unlocked. He stepped in and set his things down, taking off his coat. Colby was lying on the couch, a beer in his hand. “What happened?” “My brother Brett was killed.” Gino’s heart sunk. “Oh no. While serving?” “Yes.” Closing the gap between them, Gino knelt next to Colby and hugged him. “I am so sorry.” “Thank you, Gino.” Gino leaned back so he could see Colby’s face. “How is your family dealing with it?” “Fine without me.” Pausing to consider the comment, Gino asked softly, “Do you not want to see them?” “No. They don’t want me around.” “No.” “Yes. I tried. I went to Sandra’s house, Brett’s wife, to find my mom. She basically told me to get lost.” Gino gasped before he could prevent it. “Are you shitting me?” “Nope.” Colby took another sip of his beer. “They actually said that?” “Well, someone said, ‘get lost, homo’, if you want the exact phrase.” “Shut up!” Gino was stunned. “Even your mom feels that way?” “Pretty much. She told me to go away because she couldn’t deal with me.” 124

It Takes a Man A lump formed in Gino’s throat from his empathy. “How did you find out your brother died?” “Dad called. He told me, and when I begged him to forgive me, he hung up.” Forgive you? Forgive you for what? You were the one who got fucked over! Gino was livid. “Colby, what can I do?” “Be here. I feel like a leper. Honest, Gino, I had no idea how much they hated me.” “Come here.” Gino took the beer away from Colby and coaxed him into a hug. He held Colby and squeezed him. “I’m so sorry, baby. So sorry.” “Thank you, Gino.” “Hush. No need to thank me. I’m here.” Gino ground his teeth and wished he could give Colby’s family a piece of his mind. He kissed Colby’s neck and caressed his hair. “I spoke to my mom and she wants you to join us for Christmas.” “Thanks.” “When’s your brother’s funeral? Do you know?” “Dad said he’d be brought home before Christmas, so soon. Hopefully I’ll know.” “It’ll be in the paper.” Nodding, Colby leaned back to see Gino’s eyes. “I can’t go in dress uniform.” “I’m so sorry.” Gino caressed Colby’s cheek. “How can I show my support for what he did without a uniform? Both my brothers will be in blue-white dress. Me? What? Jeans? A suit? I don’t even own a suit. Gino, I’m so angry.” “I know.” Gino gripped Colby’s arm. “Brett gets the Purple Heart for dying with honor and I get disgraced. What did I do? I’m so stupid. Why did I admit it?” “Because you’re a man. And it took a real man to do what you did.” “No. I’m not a real man. I’m an idiot. I lost everything.” “Look at me.” Colby did. 125

G.A. Hauser “I know you don’t believe me right now, but it’s not you that has the problem.” Gino stopped Colby from either turning aside or opening his lips to deny it. “You didn’t hurt anyone. You aren’t the one who is ignorant.” Gino kissed Colby lightly. “You come from a very strict military family, Colby, who have their own ideas of what is right and wrong. But you and I know there’s nothing wrong with loving a man.” A deep slow exhale came out of Colby, as if stress was letting go. “It’s about love, Col. Love. A four letter word that can mean so much and make people crazy.” Gino petted Colby’s hair. “They find it easy to hate things they don’t get. But we can’t sink to that level. Knowing you has opened my eyes to my own ignorance. I used to judge people on first sight. Not anymore.” Colby’s expression changed from sorrow to hope. “Col...” Gino held Colby’s chin in his hand, staring into his eyes. “I love you.” Colby looked up at the ceiling as if a prayer had been answered, then he grabbed both of Gino’s hands and kissed them. “We’ll get through this. Okay?” “Okay.” “I know you must feel like crap, but let me get food on the way.” Colby nodded, releasing Gino, allowing him to stand. Gino paused. “Pepperoni?” “Yes. Thanks.” Walking to the kitchen, Gino found the number in the directory and as he waited for someone to pick up, he opened another amber ale for Colby and brought it to him. “Yes, I would like to order a pizza delivered.” Colby raised the beer in thanks and Gino winked at him.

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Chapter Eleven In a black suit Gino had helped him select from Nordstrom’s, Colby entered the chapel of Saint Bernadette’s Church. The church where he and his brothers were baptized, the church in which all three of his brothers were married. The room was packed with people; friends, neighbors or community members who wanted to show their support for a fallen Marine. The altar was fronted by easels holding wreaths and large floral tributes. Brett’s photograph in his dress uniform with his name, date of birth and death, stood central. Flanking it were collages of Brett’s life, his childhood, his wife, his children, high-school football and graduation pictures and more of Brett and his cadet buddies in training. The Marine honor guard stood at attention as people took their seats in the pews. Alone, Colby felt burdened and unwanted as he made his way down the aisle to the front pew where his parents and immediately family were sitting. There wasn’t an open space among them, so Colby whispered to a stranger, “Excuse me,” and moved behind his brother, Paul and sister-in-law, Nora. He got a few cold glances from the men of his family and ignored by the women. When the pastor entered, everyone stood. Colby turned towards the back of the chapel and spotted an honor guard of pallbearers standing at each corner of a casket

 

G.A. Hauser draped in an American flag. The guards who had waited along the aisles saluted as the casket was wheeled down the center. Brett’s widow, Sandra, sobbed and was consoled by her parents. As the pastor prayed, raising his hands to the congregation, Brett’s casket was brought to the front of the room. Muffled cries surrounded Colby as he fought to keep his emotions under control. The guard filed right and left of the coffin in perfect time, stopping, pivoting and standing at attention. Colby heard his mother weeping on his father’s brass and epaulate-covered shoulder. Major Hollinger held his wife close, as the pastor’s sermon was lost on Colby. It was a buzz to his ears. His focus was on the casket, the red, white and blue symbol of his country lying motionless over it. One by one, Colby’s brothers stood behind the pulpit to speak. First Paul gave a speech, in his Marine-dress white trousers and dark blue jacket, his voice unwavering as he spoke of Brett’s ultimate sacrifice for his country. Then Billy stood at attention, wearing his Army National Guard dress blues, also giving his thoughts on the youngest member of the Hollinger family dying with glory and honor. Friends, comrades in arms, and finally Colby’s dad, stood in front of a packed chapel to address the masses. After the many accolades and praises for the soldier who had made the ultimate sacrifice, the pastor returned to the pulpit and asked, “Is there anyone else who would like to speak a few words?” Colby raised his hand. He hadn’t been given the opportunity by his family, but at least the pastor had. As Colby walked to the platform which was in front of a statue of Christ on the cross, he heard whispering hisses. Swallowing hard first, he looked out over the crowd. “Like my brothers, Paul and Billy, I am proud of Brett. We were best friends growing up and I knew Brett wanted to serve in the military as much as the rest of us did.” Someone coughed. 128

It Takes a Man Colby ignored it and didn’t want to think of it as a commentary to his words. “But I’d like to say something they didn’t.” Colby caught his mother’s eye. “About grief and loss. Though Brett was an asset to the country he served, he was a person first; A brother, a son, a husband and a father. A human being. And it was the human in Brett that I will forever miss; his compassion and his love.” Colby swallowed down another dry lump before he could continue. “And family is all about support and love. I loved my brother, Brett.” Colby found Paul and Billy staring at him from the front pew. “I love my brothers Paul and Billy, my mom and dad.” Colby paused to gain control. “My love is unconditional, like Brett’s was. So I grieve. I grieve the loss of not only a soldier, but of a man. Rest in peace little brother.” Colby lowered his head and walked back to his seat. Not a sound made it to his ears. Once he sat still, the pastor nodded to the color guard to continue the service. Billy, Paul, and his dad joined as pallbearers to escort Brett’s coffin out to the hearse. Colby jumped to his feet and didn’t care what anyone thought. He stood between his brothers in the middle of the casket and rested his hand on it as they wheeled it out. He’d be damned to hell if they would stop him from being a part of this and saying his goodbye. He stepped back as the casket was loaded into the back of the hearse. The rest of his family walked to a waiting limousine. Colby stood still, feeling helpless. No one spoke a word to him. He walked to where he parked his car and joined the end of a long procession to Washington Memorial Park. The rain had let up for the moment. Colby was trying not to feel bitter, but it was draining the life out of him. Twin canopies were in place near the grave site in case of a downpour. A line of Marine guards saluted as they waited while the casket was again escorted. Colby stood near his family as everyone gathered around the gravesite. 129

G.A. Hauser A solo bugle played Taps as the guard readied their rifles. When the bugler had concluded, seven rifles pointed into the air. “Fire!” was repeated three times for twenty-one shots. Colby felt as if he wasn’t there any longer. He was so dizzy his knees felt as if they would buckle. The flag was removed from the coffin and folded in perfect robotic movements. One was presented to his brother’s widow by a guard on bended knee, and a second flag was given to Colby’s mother, who appeared so devastated Colby couldn’t look at her any longer. Next the Purple Heart was presented in the same way. It took everything Colby had to not choke up and release his sorrow. When his mother kissed the casket before it sank into the ground, Colby turned away, covering his eyes and gulping down his agony. Carried by her parents as they held onto each of her elbows, Sandra approached the casket next to say goodbye to her husband, as their toddler, Caleb, clutched a teddy bear, and little five year old Jocelyn looked on, appearing slightly confused as to what was happening. The coffin was lowered and a woman sang Onward Christian Soldiers. Once the final salute was given, the guard stood by like a row of toy soldiers. Colby watched as friends came to speak to his parents, to Sandra, and offer words of comfort. Overhearing his sister-in-law, Sara, Colby heard her say they were all going back to the Hollinger’s home afterwards. It was the first Colby had heard of it, so he assumed he was not invited. Backing up, watching the mourners leave or gather to talk, Colby spotted a man in his basic ACUs. “Fox?” He walked across the wet cemetery lawn to where Fox was standing. “My God.” Colby held out his hand. “Thanks for coming.” “I read it in the papers. Why aren’t you in dress blues?” 130

It Takes a Man Colby looked around. No one was within listening distance. “Didn’t you hear?” “Hear? You quit?” “No. I got discharged.” “Why?” Colby glanced behind him again. “Don’t ask don’t tell.” “You told someone? You moron!” “I had to. Private Pine made allegations I sexually harassed him.” “What the fuck? And they believed that pathetic douche bag?” Colby glanced down, noticing Fox’s wedding ring. “I was being pressured to admit it. Sergeant Major Black was coercing me into giving him blowjobs. When I put a stop to it, he took revenge.” “Jesus Christ, Hollinger. I end my tour and you get yourself into fucking hot water.” “No shit.” Colby noticed his family leaving. “So? That’s it? Dishonorable discharge and you’re out?” “Honorable. I got my benefits. But it sucks out here in civilian life. I’m not cut out for it.” “I can’t picture you doing anything else. What the hell are you going to do?” “I’m clueless. I’m so lost, Fox, I can’t find my way. And now.” He gestured to the grave. “Brett’s dead.” “I’m so sorry. I bet your parents are devastated.” “They are.” “Go. I don’t want to hold you back. I just wanted to see you and say how sorry I was.” “You’re not holding me back. I wasn’t invited to the house.” Fox appeared stunned. “Please tell me you’re joking.” “Wish I were.” “What the fuck? It’s your dad, right? The major not want a gay son?” “It’s all of them, Fox. None of them can stand the sight of me.” 131

G.A. Hauser “What a bunch of morons.” “Yeah. What can I do?” “I can stand the sight of you.” Fox touched Colby’s face affectionately. “You still married?” Colby gestured to the ring. “Yeah. Got another kid on the way. She’s a baby-factory.” “Congrats.” “So, what’s next, Hollinger?” “I have no idea. Living it a day at a time.” “Look, I know I’m married and all, but—” Before Fox completed his sentence, Colby spotted Gino in the distance, watching. “No. No, Fox. I can’t. I’m with someone. And you’re married. So keep it in your pants.” “She won’t suck it. She’s not like you.” “I have to go. Thanks for coming, Fox. It was great to see you.” “Wait. Call me at least.” Fox gripped Colby’s arm. “No. Sorry.” Colby smiled sweetly at Fox and made a direct line to a handsome man in a long black wool coat. He didn’t bother checking if Fox was watching, he already knew. “Hey.” “Hey. How are you holding up?” “Best I can. Did you just come now?” “No. I was there through the entire service.” Colby blinked and opened his mouth in surprise. “You were?” “Yes. And I can’t believe the way your family is treating you. Col, I’m so sorry.” For some reason, the grief hit him. Colby had been biting back his sorrow since his father’s phone call a week ago. But here, at the cemetery, enduring the cold shoulder from those he loved, Colby gave in. He wrapped his arms around Gino and felt the tears burn his eyes. “That’s it, babe. Let it out. Let it out with me.” Gino kissed his neck and rubbed his back. “Gino…my brother’s gone.” 132

It Takes a Man “I know. Okay. I’m here.” Gino rocked him. Colby wept, hiccupping and allowing the tears to drench his face in the cold breeze. Gino’s embrace felt so reassuring, Colby felt like a child in his arms. Gino held him tight. In a world full of love, Colby had found hate and intolerance, and Gino had no idea what he had done to deserve it. “I got ya, babe. Let’s go home.” Gino crushed Colby against his side as they walked across the cemetery grounds. Most of the mourners had left, the color guard as well, leaving only the pastor who witnessed the finishing of the burial. “Where’s your car?” Colby asked, wiping his face. “I pulled behind yours in the lane.” “Okay.” “Are you good to drive?” “Yes.” “I’ll be right behind you.” “I know. Thanks.” Gino caressed Colby’s hair lightly, opening his car door for him. “Just take it easy, okay?” “I will.” Gino closed the door for him and stood back, hoping Colby was well enough to drive to north Seattle. He climbed into his own car and started it. As they made their way to Interstate 5, Gino thought about the service. Colby’s heartfelt speech did nothing for him. Humanizing Brett as a man, not only a soldier, went right over his stubborn family’s heads. It was obvious Colby was hoping that they would realize they were de-humanizing him. Making him into a creature to loathe, to shun. The anger in Gino rose. He was tolerant of others, he didn’t anger quickly unless someone was treading on another’s basic rights, their need to live happy and free of interference. 133

G.A. Hauser Spending time with troubled youths taught Gino a lot. You can’t save those who do not wish to be saved, and you get better results with open arms than closed fists. The rain grew heavy as they passed under the convention center in the snarl of the worst area of the highway. Rush hour, mid-day, weekends, I-5 was always the same: impassable. Colby turned off at Northgate Way, pausing at a traffic signal. Gino stared at Colby’s eyes as they met his in the rear view mirror. Gino blew him a kiss, hoping Colby saw it. When Colby waved back, he knew he had. “Don’t worry, babe. I won’t desert you the way your pathetic family has.” As he tailed Colby’s bumper, Gino laughed. “My mom will adopt you once she sees how sweet you are.” Inching through the plethora of red lights and stopped cars, Gino thought about the man Colby had spoken to after the graveside service. He recognized Fox even before Colby had seen him and wondered what Colby would do when he did. Like Gino, Fox had stood back, not becoming part of the event, but acted as a distant observer. Gino thought he’d feel jealous of Fox when Colby spotted him. But he knew better. He trusted Colby. Trusted the loyal Scorpio and true companion. He also noticed Fox’s look of disappointment when Colby obviously said, no thank-you. But what Gino remembered the most from the service, besides the touching farewell to a hero, was the glowers from two men Gino assumed were Colby’s brothers. Colby’s father and mother seemed indifferent to Colby, which was bad enough. But sneers of contempt? Was there a need for that aimed at a sibling who suffered the same loss as they did? Colby pulled into the apartment lot and his assigned space while Gino parked in a guest spot. He reached for his leather bag and climbed out, meeting Colby at the lobby. “You must be exhausted.” “I am.” Colby opened the door. 134

It Takes a Man Gino held onto him as they ascended the stairs. “Lean on me.” “Aren’t I?” Colby flashed a sad smile. “I mean figuratively as well.” Nodding but looking defeated, Colby unlocked the door to his unit. When he heard his home phone ringing, he hustled to get it. Gino tossed his bag on the floor and didn’t take off his coat, shutting the door and listening. “Hello?” “Colby.” “Mom?” Colby looked at Gino in confusion. “I…I feel badly you’re not here.” “You didn’t want me there. No one did.” Colby loosened his tie. Gino immediately approached to help him remove it. “That’s not true.” Choking at the lies, Colby nodded in thanks to Gino when he took off his necktie for him. As he opened the top buttons of his starched, white shirt he said, “Mom, everyone treated me like shit.” “We’re all just in shock over Brett’s death.” Colby knew that was another lie but didn’t say his thoughts. “I tried your cell phone but it was off. I wanted to catch you before you made it all the way home.” “I didn’t keep it on for the service and I forgot to turn it back on.” Colby rubbed his face. “What do you want me to do? Come down?” “I don’t want you to be alone. You’re welcome to come.” Colby met Gino’s eyes. “I’m not on my own.” After a protracted silence, Holly asked, “Are you with a friend?” “Yes.” Colby ran his finger over Gino’s goatee. “A good friend.” “All right, Colby.” “Mom.” 135

G.A. Hauser “Yes?” “I love you.” Colby’s eyes stung with his tears. “I love you too.” He heard her choke up with emotion. “Forgive me, please.” Gino stiffened and looked angry. “I do, Colby.” “Thank you, Mom. Don’t lose both me and Brett. Please.” He heard her crying. “I’m still alive. Don’t lose me.” Hot tears ran down Colby’s cheeks. Gino grabbed him and held onto him in support. “Please…” “Okay,” her voice was barely audible. “Let me go.” “Can I see you tomorrow? You and Dad?” “Yes, Colby.” “Thank you. I love you, Mom.” He heard her echo his words and hang up. Colby held Gino and bit back his sobs once again. “Hang in there, baby.” Gino kissed his head. “Ride it out. They’ll see the error of their ways. Ride it out.” “Hold me.” Gino took the phone from Colby and tossed it onto the sofa, then he squeezed Colby tight. Resting on Gino’s shoulder, Colby inhaled his cologne and closed his eyes. Colby woke in the night, sweating, his heart racing, the noise of an explosion in his ears. He sprang up and looked around. His bedroom was dark and quiet. “Babe.” Gino touched him. Coming around from the nightmare, Colby caught his breath and wiped at his face, feeling the dampness. “Come here.” Gino tugged on his arm. Colby was aware Gino had plenty of practice dealing with his night terrors. Dropping down beside Gino, Colby found his eyes in the dim illumination from the spotlights which lit up the parking area behind the apartment. 136

It Takes a Man Gino ran his hand over Colby’s forehead and into his hair. “You okay?” “Yeah.” “Poor baby. Been through hell.” Colby shrugged. He didn’t know how much of it was selfinflicted. He never was good at the ‘blame-game’. Gino stroked Colby’s cock, which was semi-erect. “I can help you get back to sleep.” “You must be tired. You’re working tomorrow.” Gino’s fondling felt so nice Colby didn’t want him to stop. But he was a considerate boyfriend. “Lay back.” With a nudge from Gino’s fingertips, Colby flopped to the mattress. Gino’s caressing became more focused. His length was pulled and his balls stroked. “So nice, Gino.” Gino sat up, revealing Colby’s body from under the quilt. He ran his hands over Colby’s chest and erect nipples, then down his abdomen to his crotch. When Gino lowered to take Colby’s cock into his mouth, Colby bit back a moan of pleasure. As Gino sat beside him, he cupped Colby’s balls, massaging them at the same time he pinched a nipple. The combination of stimulation made Colby’s groin surge with pleasure. He raised his hips off the bed and into Gino’s mouth, fucking it gently. He felt Gino increase his suction and move his tongue up and down at the same time. Staring at Gino as he serviced him, Colby began to slide over the edge to an orgasm. He cupped his hand against Gino’s as he toyed with his nipple, and squeezed it, letting Gino know he was there. Colby came, inhaling a deep breath and enjoying the rush of sexual release. “Thank you, Gino…thank you.” Gino sat upright, wiping his mouth. “You got it, baby.” Colby noticed Gino’s cock standing out from his body like a stiff mast. He ran the tips of his fingers over it. While staring at Colby’s naked body, Gino touched himself. Immediately Colby crouched in front of him and opened his mouth, directing the head of Gino’s dick to it. 137

G.A. Hauser Gino jacked off into Colby’s mouth. Colby closed his eyes and overlapped Gino’s hands with his own. Hearing Gino gasp with a deep throaty grunt, Colby prepared himself. His mouth filled and he shivered in delight and swallowed his cum. Sucking hard, feeling another strong pulsating throb, Colby gulped the second load as well. He sat back and looked at Gino’s body as Gino milked himself for the last tingles. Lapping at the slit, Colby tasted another drop. “Sleep.” Gino held Colby’s shoulders and dropped back to the pillows with him. As Gino dragged the blanket up, Colby rested his head on Gino’s chest, falling fast asleep in his arms.

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Chapter Twelve The next morning, Colby finished getting ready while Gino sipped a cup of coffee as he stood in the kitchen. Colby tucked his cotton shirt into his jeans and removed his jacket from the closet, tossing it over Gino’s coat which was folded over the back of a chair near the door. “You sure you’ll be okay?” Gino asked. “Yeah. I’ll be fine.” “I don’t want Major Hollinger to hurt my man.” Gino hooked Colby’s belt loop and dragged him close. “Mm.” Colby ground his hips into Gino’s. “You’re making me want to go back to bed.” “Me too. But I can’t.” Gino pecked Colby’s lips and then reached behind him to set his mug into the sink. “Will you be by later?” “You don’t have to ask anymore.” “Good.” Colby smiled and cupped the back of Gino’s head for a deeper kiss. With his hands wrapped around Colby’s waist, Gino arched backwards as if he wanted to pick Colby up off his feet. When he couldn’t, Gino parted from his lips and asked in a stunned voice, “How much do you weigh?” “Two hundred? Two-ten. Why?” “You’re solid muscle. I’m taller than you but I only weigh one-eighty-five.”

 

G.A. Hauser “You thought you could sweep me into your arms?” Colby grinned. “Yeah!” Gino still looked surprised. Bending his knees, Colby grabbed Gino around his thighs and hoisted him high in the air. “Mutha-fucka!” Gino laughed. “Strong man!” He pinched the deltoid muscle of Colby’s arm and shook his head. Colby set him back on his feet again. “Want to come to the gym with me sometime?” “I should. I thought I was the mean mutha-fucka, but I’m wrong.” Gino laughed, heading to the door to put on his coat. “Listen, Col, all kidding aside,” Gino picked up his leather bag, “Good luck with your folks. I hope it goes well.” “Thanks, Gino.” Colby rubbed Gino’s bottom affectionately. “See ya later.” Gino kissed him and opened the door. “Love you.” “Love you too.” Colby filled a manila envelope with his paperwork to bring to the base for Dr. Maddox since he was heading south to see his parents. He tucked it under his arm, shut off the lights and locked the door behind him. Though he was preoccupied, Colby didn’t go through a running mental commentary on his drive on southbound I-5. Instead he listened to one of his favorite CDs. He didn’t expect much in the way of support and was happy at least he was being invited to see his mom and dad. When he parked at his parents’ house he noticed several cars in front and in the driveway. He had no idea what he was in for. There was an American flag attached to the brick home flying at half-mast and it appeared some neighbors had left bouquets and banners near it as a small memorial tribute to Brett. Colby rapped his knuckles on the screen door. When no one responded right away, he was about to ring the bell. Sandra answered. 140

It Takes a Man “Hey,” Colby said, adding, “Mom invited me,” in case she slammed the door in his face. “Come in, Colby.” She opened it for him, stepping back. “How are you holding up?” “I’m still standing.” She smiled sadly. “Are Caleb and Jocelyn here?” Colby wanted to see his nephew and niece. “No. My parents are watching them, giving me a break.” She turned towards the kitchen and called, “Holly, Colby is here.” After shutting the door, Sandra said, “Everyone’s in the kitchen.” Nodding, Colby glanced at the tall Noble Pine tree covered in lights and decorations where it always stood since he was a child, in the corner of the living room. He remembered Brett, Paul, Billy and him helping his mother decorate the tree as kids, trying to stay up all night to see Santa climbing down the chimney. He followed Sandra into the kitchen and stopped at the doorway. “Hi.” His mother, Billy’s wife Sara, and Paul’s wife Nora, were sitting at the table sipping coffee and nibbling cream cheese and bagels. “Hi, Colby.” His mother’s face appeared puffy and pale, as if she hadn’t slept. Colby kissed her cheek and stuffed his hands into his pockets nervously. “Grab a cup,” Sandra said, gesturing to the counter. “I’m good.” Sara didn’t meet his eye and Nora gave him a quick ‘hi’ and stared into her coffee cup. “Is Dad here?” Colby asked his mom. “No. He’s back at the base.” “Right. I guess Paul and Billy are as well?” Sandra sat down with the rest of the women. “They only had enough leave time for the funeral. All of them had to fly out again.” 141

G.A. Hauser “Oh. Sorry.” Colby felt guilty. The only one without a wife and kids and the only one still lingering. He couldn’t imagine what they thought of him. “Are you hungry?” Holly shifted the platter of bagels as if Colby couldn’t see it. “Take off your coat. Sit down.” He sat but kept his jacket on, having no idea how awkward this was going to be. “Is there anything I can do? For any of you?” “Aren’t you working?” Holly asked. “Uh, not at the moment.” “Did you lose that job too?” Colby felt his face blush. “No. I’m just on personal leave for a few days.” Like hell he was going to tell these women what a failure he was. The news would travel through the Hollinger grapevine like a virus. The silence engulfed him. It was unbearable. “Look,” he cleared his throat, “I know you all hate me…” “We don’t hate you, Colby,” Holly replied, but it sounded dry and unconvincing. “I didn’t want to be discharged. I wanted to serve. I still do. I’d go back in a heartbeat. I’d rather have been the one killed instead of Brett.” “Colby!” Sandra reached across the table to him. “Don’t say things like that.” “Why not? His life was worth more than mine. He was a dad, a husband. I’m nothing.” “You’re not nothing,” Holly said. “That’s not the way you made me feel at the funeral. The way I’ve been treated since I’ve been back.” Colby made the rounds of sets of eyes. Only Sandra and his mother were looking at him. After a long pause, Holly said, “We heard you sexually harassed another soldier, Colby. What were we to think?” “How about asking me what really happened?” Sandra asked in a whisper, “What happened, Colby?” Feeling hot now that he was nervous, Colby took off his jacket and put it behind him on the chair. “My commanding 142

It Takes a Man officer was coercing me into having sexual acts with him. When I said no, he managed to get a private to falsely accuse me.” Sandra inhaled a sharp breath and sat up. Holly said, “Why didn’t you tell the authorities when they questioned you?” “I did. I told them exactly what happened.” “And?” Sara asked. “And? Though they believed I did not harass Private Pine, I still admitted I was—” Colby choked on the word. “So,” his mother said, “You denied the allegations, but because you admitted to being gay, you were discharged.” “Yes.” “Why did you admit it? You knew you would get sent out of the service.” It was beginning to sound like another trial but Colby didn’t get angry. He was too tired and hurt to be angry. “I guess I just thought I should tell the truth.” No one replied. “Honesty means a lot to me.” Colby sat up and found they were all looking at him now. “I’m not a liar, a fraud. I am who I am.” “I’m sorry, Colby.” Sandra, the new widow, was the most sympathetic. Colby never would have guessed that. “Thank you, Sandra. I’m so sorry you lost Brett. He was crazy about you.” She dabbed at the corner of her eye. “I don’t want to make you cry.” He folded his hands on the table. “I just wanted you to know he told me that.” “Thank you.” “Are you going to come here for Christmas dinner?” Holly asked. “I was invited to my friend’s family’s place.” Sara asked, “Your boyfriend?” Trying to judge her sarcasm, Colby nodded. “Yes.” “Sick.” “It’s not sick, Sara.” Sandra shook her head. “Grow up.” 143

G.A. Hauser Nora had stayed quiet. Colby knew she was the shyest of his sister-in-laws. “It is sick.” Sara stood and put her mug into the sink to rinse. “It’s against every moral standard, and obviously the military thinks it’s bad enough to discharge someone. So? Can’t deny that.” “No,” Nora said, “It’s wrong.” Colby made eye contact with her. Support where you least expect it. “I see the news,” Nora added, “There are too many people being discharged for that. I don’t get it. Who cares?” “Does Paul know you think like this?” Colby asked. “We don’t discuss it. He’s not home enough to discuss much of anything.” “I’m sorry, Nora.” “It’s not you. You’re a victim of this war as much as all of us sitting here at the table.” “Victim?” Sara scoffed. “Yes!” Sandra shouted. “Hello? Dead husband?” “They enlisted!” Sara defended. “They chose to serve.” “They’re not questioning that, Sara,” Holly said, “They’re questioning our men being deployed over and over again until they’re exhausted and ill. Or get killed.” Colby blinked. He was unprepared for where this was going, and glad for it. “And that ‘Don’t ask don’t tell’ law?” Nora shook her head again. “What a bunch of bull.” “Wow.” Colby sat up in his chair. “I’m sorry, Colby,” Nora reached across the table towards him. “Everyone said you sexually harassed a private.” “It never happened. Believe me. I’d tell you the truth.” Colby leaned his elbows on the table. “I would do anything to go back and change things,” Colby said, “I miss it. Even though it was hell at times, I’m really lost without it.” “I can’t imagine Paul not being able to serve. He’d go nuts too.” Nora sipped her coffee. 144

It Takes a Man Holly said, “Five generations of Hollingers were in the service.” “I think I will have that bagel.” Colby felt much better, and hungry. When he reached for one of them, Sandra stood to get him a plate and knife. “Pour him a cup of coffee, Sara, make yourself useful,” Sandra said. After rolling her eyes, Sara removed a mug from counter. “You like cream, Colby?” Sandra asked. “Yes, please.” He leaned back as Sandra set a plate before him and silverware. Taking one of the sliced, poppy seed bagels off the platter, Colby opened it and was handed cream cheese. “So? Tell us what your boyfriend is like.” Sandra sat down at the table again. Colby looked at his mother. “You okay with that?” “Yes. You have us all curious now.” She looked back at Sara. “You can leave the room if it offends you.” “I need to get errands done anyway.” She pecked Holly’s cheek. “I’ll see you later.” Colby paused, waiting to hear the front door close before he said a word. “Why is she so ignorant?” Nora asked, moving into Sara’s vacated seat to be closer to Colby. “Billy’s the same way.” Holly sighed. “He’s a homophobic racist and I don’t know why. I thought I raised my boys to have an open mind.” “Then he and Sara are a perfect match,” Sandra snorted. Colby spread the cream cheese knowing whatever he said would be repeated to everyone, like the wrong information about his discharge that had everyone hating him. Before he bit into his sandwich he said, “He’s black.” He took a big bite and chewed, staring at the women. After he swallowed he laughed. “Okay, so? Back to square one?” “Was he in the military?” Nora asked. “No. He’s a social worker at the youth center. College grad, brilliant guy.” 145

G.A. Hauser “You met him through work?” Holly asked, placing a napkin in front of him. “Yes. I have to tell you, he didn’t think much of me at first sight.” Colby grinned to himself. “Thought I was a homophobic racist like Billy.” Nora laughed, then covered her mouth. Colby said, “I meant it as a joke, you can laugh.” He kept eating and stared at his mother. “Dad will have a fit.” She exhaled and shrugged. “No more than he usually does when you’re mentioned.” “God, I hate this shit. I’m so tired of not having you guys.” Colby set the last bite of bagel on his plate and wiped his hands, picking up his mug of coffee. “Why can’t I just love someone? Why is who I choose everyone’s business? Can’t I just fall in love like you guys did?” “Yes.” Nora rubbed Colby’s shoulder. “Thank you. Man, did Paul end up with the prize or what?” “Uh hum?” Sandra stuck her chest out defiantly. “I can’t say I always liked you best now, Sandra,” Colby replied, winking at Nora. “I know who you like the least.” Holly made a face of distaste and tilted her head to the door. Colby smiled and finished the last bite. “So? Do I need to prepare your father?” Holly asked. “Only if he meets Gino.” “Gino?” Nora asked. “Sounds Italian.” “He’s not Italian.” Colby chuckled. “How black is he?” “Ma! Come on.” Colby shook his head at her in frustration. “What the fuck kind of question is that?” “Holly,” Sandra said, “I’m surprised at you.” “Not me. I don’t care. I’m just thinking about the Major.” “Mom,” Colby said, “Dad has a very diverse crew under him. Are you kidding? The military is a cross section of all Americans. He has to be politically correct. Right?” “I’m not saying your father is a racist. He’s not. Never has been.” Holly held up another bagel for Colby and he shook his 146

It Takes a Man head no. She stood up with his empty plate. “I’m just not sure what he’ll think about his son dating a man of color.” “Believe me, it can’t be any worse than having a ‘homo’ who was discharged for being a pervert.” Colby rubbed his eyes tiredly. “And I have news for you, Mom, if it makes a difference to Dad what color the man I date is, then he is a racist.” “You poor thing.” Nora put her arm around his shoulders. “I’m on your side.” “Thank you. I had no idea how everyone would react, but it’s nice to know I have one ally.” “Two,” Sandra said. “Three.” Colby looked behind him to see his mother’s smile. “Honey, I’m home!” Gino sang as he came through the apartment door. “Hello?” He noticed candles burning in the dimness. “Did we lose power?” He took off his coat and tossed it on the chair. “Col?” Colby emerged from the gloom, leaning seductively against the bedroom doorway. Gino stopped short seeing Colby in his army fatigues. “My oh my! What am I in for?” “A treat.” “Santa came early!” Gino toed off his shoes and approached Colby. “Hey, GI Joe, wanna enlist in some hot sex?” “Yeah.” Gino ran his hands down Colby’s shoulders to his chest, feeling the wall of muscle under the heavy fabric. “I am ready and willing for my basic training, sir!” He saluted. Colby picked Gino up off the floor. Gino wrapped his legs around Colby’s waist and went for his lips. As they kissed Gino turned Colby’s cap sideways to avoid the bill, then looped his arms around his neck for a good long smooch. “Sugar, you are hotter than hell at the moment,” Gino moaned, chewing on Colby’s jaw and neck. 147

G.A. Hauser Colby grabbed Gino’s ass and squeezed it sending a rush of blood to Gino’s cock. “At your service, Staff Sgt. Hollinger.” Hearing Colby groan in pleasure made Gino’s length stiffen in his trousers. Colby bent over the bed to release Gino onto it, going for Gino’s zipper. Gino wriggled out of his lower half of clothing and leaned on his elbows staring at the imposing presence in the room. What was it about that uniform? Cops didn’t do it for Gino, neither did firemen or medics, but GIs? He had a soft spot in his heart for them. And a hard spot in his briefs. Standing at the foot of the bed, Colby slowly unbuttoned his shirt, spreading it wide so Gino could see his skin. Gino licked his lips and took off his own dress shirt. Colby opened his pants and exposed his dick. Gino couldn’t fly over fast enough. He knelt on the bed on all fours and sucked it. Crushing his face into Colby’s pubic hair, Gino moaned and drew Colby’s cock deep into his mouth. Pausing, Gino looked up to admire the sight. “Hero-worship, what can I say?” A shy smile appeared on Colby’s face. “What do you want? Call it an early birthday and Christmas gift.” “You, in me, dressed like that.” Gino scooted to the pillows and spread his legs. Colby kept his eye on Gino as he sheathed his cock. Tugging on his own, Gino was in heat staring at Colby in that outfit. When Colby climbed towards Gino on the bed, Gino splayed out, gripping his knees and opening his body for the taking. He was already gasping for breath from the thrill. “Ready?” “Fuck yeah,” Gino huffed. Colby placed the head of his cock against Gino’s rim and pushed in. Gino’s skin covered in goose bumps and he shimmied closer to get complete penetration. Staring at Colby, who was his ultimate secret fantasy, Gino was already very close to an orgasm. 148

It Takes a Man With his usual caring gentleness contrasting his militaristic appearance, Colby slid in and out of Gino, staring at Gino with the same intensity. Perhaps this is a fantasy for Colby as well. “Oh, I am not going to take long, lover.” Gino felt his cock thicken and kept blinking to keep his eyes on Colby. “Me neither.” Colby thrust deeper but not faster. Gino felt Colby’s dick pulsate. He knew what was coming next. Gino jammed his body up against Colby’s to feel Colby’s dick throb inside him. As Gino watched, he could see Colby bite back a grunt, not making a sound. “Baby, you don’t have to be quiet for me.” Colby opened his mouth and released a deep growl that sent Gino over the top. He gave his cock one jerk and came, coating his chest with spunk. Before Colby pulled out, Gino cupped Colby’s jaw and drew him down to his mouth. He sucked on Colby’s lips and tongue, whimpering at the feel of Colby still inside him. “I love you, babe, so much.” Colby intensified the kiss, pressing his mouth against Gino’s as tiny sounds came from his throat. Gino spread the fabric of Colby’s shirt to prevent it getting sticky and in the process he smoothed his hands over Colby’s hot skin. Parting for a breath, Colby gazed at Gino. “How did I find you?” “The army let me take you.” Gino smiled. Colby knelt up, pulling out of Gino and removing the rubber. “I guess you can take the man out of the army, but…” Gino chuckled. “We will do this again.” He shook his finger at Colby. “Yes, sir!” Colby saluted. Waiting as Colby took the spent condom to the bathroom to dispose of, Gino shouted, “So? It went okay with your parents?” “Yes. I’ll tell you all about it.” Gino was surprised. He thought Colby would be beaten down again. When Colby returned he tossed a towel at Gino 149

G.A. Hauser and removed his uniform, hanging it up, changing into gym shorts. Gino wiped the spunk off his chest and headed to the bathroom. “What are you in the mood for?” “Mom gave me a baked ziti casserole to heat up for dinner tonight.” Colby leaned against the bathroom doorframe as Gino tidied up. “Is she a good cook?” “Yeah. Not bad.” “Get it in the oven, sugar.” Gino smiled at him. “You got it.” As Colby trotted away, Gino was thrilled to see him happy. While they stuffed pasta and meatballs into their mouths hungrily, Colby filled Gino in. “So, it was really just Sara, Billy’s wife, who was an asshole.” “Hey, three out of four isn’t bad.” “No. You’re right. I can’t complain.” “Just let me know when you want to arrange a time to visit.” “My dad’s stationed at the base, but he’s working constantly. Since there’s a war on,” Colby met Gino’s eyes, “well, two actually…” “Don’t get me started on that.” Colby knew Gino hated the US involvement in Middle Eastern conflicts, who didn’t? “Well, no one can get any leave time. I’m surprised they let my brothers come home, but I assume a funeral is a different story.” “They think of the bad press if they didn’t. That’s their motivation.” “Anyway,” Colby didn’t want to argue. “Mom’s very cool with us. That’s all I care about.” “Did you get the paperwork done for getting disability?” “Yes. And I dropped it off at the doctor’s office.” “How are you fixed for money?” 150

It Takes a Man “I’m okay. Don’t worry.” Colby noticed Gino gazing at his food, possibly contemplating. “Say what’s on your mind, Gino.” “It’s impulsive and stupid. I’m not going to say it.” He resumed eating, finishing the last bite of pasta. “What? Come on. Now you have to tell me.” Pushing the plate away, Gino slouched in the chair and stared at Colby. “Fine.” Colby braced himself. “Why don’t we shack up?” “What?” Colby felt his skin prickle. “See? Told you it was stupid.” “Hang on.” Colby waved his hand and nudged his dish aside as well. “Are you offering to do this because you think I’m strapped financially?” “No. I’m offering to do this because I’m here all the time and I want to.” “You sure?” Colby wanted him to, very badly. “Sure? Hell no. I’m not sure of anything. But who is? I just think it makes sense.” It took Colby a minute to digest it. He rubbed his jaw and felt anxious Gino was jumping in for the wrong reasons. “Hey.” Gino tapped him with his foot under the table. “If you don’t want to, I get it.” “No. I want to.” “Okay.” Gino tilted his head quizzically. “I just want to know the real reason is because you love me and want to be around.” “What other reasons do I have?” “Because you feel sorry for me?” “Shut up. You do say the stupidest things.” Gino stood and brought their empty plates to the sink. Colby watched him rinse the dishes and load the washer. He was afraid. Afraid he would inevitably disappoint Gino. Helping clear the table, wrapping up the leftover food, Colby stayed quiet. He wanted to do what was best for his lover, not himself. 151

G.A. Hauser After dinner they relaxed on the sofa in front of the TV. Gino aimed the remote and flipped channels until something suitable showed up on the screen. “Come here.” Gino grabbed Colby’s arm and brought him to lie across his lap. Once Colby settled with his head on Gino’s crotch, Gino caressed Colby’s arm, massaging his tattoo. “Listen, I want to be here. When I go home I feel isolated. I prefer being with you.” “Okay.” “Why don’t you sound enthusiastic? I thought you’d be happier. Did I read you wrong?” When Colby made a move to sit up, Gino stopped him. “No. I want you to live here. Are you kidding me?” “And? But?” Gino was trying not to feel insulted. “No ‘and’ and no ‘but’. But…” Gino laughed and muted the volume on the television when a commercial came on. “Gino,” Colby reached up to touch Gino’s face. “You can get anyone. You’re an amazing man.” “And you think I’ve lowered my standards being with you?” “Yes.” “Why?” “Because I’m a failure. The one thing I wanted to do for the rest of my life was serve and I can’t even do that. Christ, they take nearly everyone who enlists, including troubled youths, right?” “Col…” Gino didn’t want him to keep punishing himself. “But they kick me out. Do you know how much training I have in the military? Ten years of skills and tactics and just about to be promoted again. And I’m out.” “Babe.” Gino cradled him. “You did nothing wrong.” “Why don’t I feel that way?” “All you did was be honest.” Colby hid his face in Gino’s shirt. “Life sucks.” 152

It Takes a Man “Sometimes it does. But you have to pull yourself up and be better than they are.” He rubbed Colby’s back briskly. “How?” “Something will come to us. Please, Col, don’t worry.” Colby stared at Gino. “Move in.” Gino smiled. “Good.”

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Chapter Thirteen “Don’t be nervous.” Gino drove towards Lake Washington and Seward Park. “I am.” Colby shifted in the passenger’s seat. “My parents are cool. Calm down.” Gino heard Colby exhale another loud sigh. It made him smile. He rubbed Colby’s leg through his dress slacks. “Have a shot of whiskey when you get inside.” Colby replied with a cough at the absurdity. “Yeah, that’ll go over big. Not only am I a skinhead who got discharged from the army, I’m an alcoholic as well. Won’t they be proud of you?” “Cut it out.” Gino shoved him playfully. “Just talk. Don’t clam up.” “Crap.” Colby tugged at his shirt collar nervously. “Are you the same guy that fought the Taliban in Zarqu and Haji Baba?” “All right. I get it.” Colby chuckled shyly and smiled. “They’re not going to shoot at you. Okay?” Gino teased, gripping Colby’s hand, feeling how clammy it was. “They’re going to love on you. Believe me. Mom will adore you.” “Okay.” Gino pulled into the driveway of his parents’ home and noticed his sister in law’s car. “Ken’s wife Sheila is here, but I doubt Ken is. He usually works the holidays for the overtime.” Gino climbed out of the car meeting Colby at the front

 

It Takes a Man walkway. “Sheila has three children; Louis who is eleven, Tara who’s eight, and Dominic who’s six.” “You expect me to remember that? I can barely remember my own nieces and nephews.” Holding Colby back, Gino cupped his face and made Colby meet his eyes. “Relax. Inhale.” Colby took a deep breath. “You think you’re nervous about meeting my family?” Gino shook his head. “I have to meet yours tonight.” “I know. Sorry.” Colby blushed. “Quick kiss.” Gino pecked his lips. “I saw that.” Gino spun around to the front door where his mother was smiling at him. He and Colby made their way towards her quickly. “It was a kiss for courage,” Gino said to her, pecking her cheek. “Why? We don’t bite.” Cyndie held out her hand to Colby. “A pleasure meeting you, Colby. Come in.” “Thank you, Mrs. Williams.” “Call me Cyndie. Let me take your jackets.” When she had them both draped over her arm, Cyndie said to Gino, “Go make introductions. Everyone’s in the kitchen.” Gino nodded, the scent of food waft through the air and he heard conversation and children’s laughter. He held Colby’s hand and escorted him. “Hey everyone.” Gino entered the room. “This is my partner, Colby Hollinger. Colby, this is, well, everyone.” Gino laughed and waved to the group. Aside, Gino said to Colby, “That’s my dad, Everett.” He nudged Colby towards him. As Colby stretched out his hand in greeting, Gino said, “Dad, Colby served in the military for the last ten years. He’s ex-army. Like you.” Colby turned to Gino and blinked. Gino winked at Colby. “Nice to meet you, son.” Everett shook Colby’s hand. “Were you stationed out of Fort Lewis?” “Yes, sir.” Colby nodded, stuffing his hands into his pockets awkwardly. 155

G.A. Hauser “I want to be a soldier!” Dominic said, jumping up and down. “Will you tell me what it was like, Colby?” “Sure.” Colby smiled. “Get them something to drink,” Cyndie said as she entered the room. “Boys, what do you want to drink?” “Anything, Mom.” Gino addressed Sheila, “Ken’s working, I assume.” “Yeah. He loves the overtime. He said if he gets a chance, he’ll stop in on duty and say hi.” She pointed to Gino’s head. “What happened to the braids?” She leaned closer. “And the green contacts? What on earth?” “Too much trouble.” Gino sipped his red wine. “Thanks, Mom.” “You have an influence on that?” Sheila asked Colby, giggling. “No. All his decision. I like him either way.” Colby leaned against the doorway. “I think you look better like this,” Cyndie said, scrubbing her hand over Gino’s head. “Less like a lady.” “Come on, Ma.” Gino rolled his eyes. He caught Colby laughing. “What are you laughing at?” “Nothing.” Colby’s eyes sparkled as he smiled. “I’m starved. Where’s the food?” Gino peeked down at the table, grabbing a handful of mixed nuts from a bowl. “Okay, let me and Sheila get the food on the table. Scoot. All of you.” “We’re being exiled,” Everett chuckled. “Can I help?” Colby asked. “No. You’re our guest. Go relax.” Cyndie waved him out. Gino beckoned Colby to the sofa next to him while his niece and nephews were distracted by their Christmas gifts and video games in the den. Everett sat down across from them in a recliner. A shimmering illuminated Christmas tree filled a corner of the room near the fireplace. “Dad?” “Yes, son?” 156

It Takes a Man “Is there any way to help repeal the ‘Don’t Ask Don’t Tell’ law?” “Last I heard, it is being repealed.” Colby and Gino exchanged glances. Everett said, “Barney Frank stated it would be gone spring of next year.” “Yeah?” Gino looked back at Colby for his reaction. “Is that what happened to you, Colby?” “Yes, sir.” “I’m sorry.” “Thank you.” “When?” Gino asked anxiously, “Why next spring? Why not now?” “I don’t know. It’s up to the Armed Services Committee, but there is a petition going around at the moment for any veteran to sign and support it.” “Good.” Gino said to Colby, “At least it’s something Colby can do to help.” Nodding, Colby said, “Yeah, but I have no idea if I’ll be reinstated.” “You want to go back?” Everett sipped his drink. “I don’t know what else to do. It’s what I’ve done since I graduated NCC.” “Have you checked out the GI Bill? Colby, you can go back to school and get a new degree.” Gino had been mentioning that for ages and Colby always seemed unreceptive. “I’m too old.” Colby finished his wine and set the glass on a coaster on the side table. “Old?” Everett laughed. “How old do you think I was when I finished law school?” Colby opened his mouth, then closed it. Gino laughed at his reaction. “I was forty,” Everett said proudly. “Go back to school, Colby.” Gino elbowed Colby. “You can even take drama classes, you know.” 157

G.A. Hauser “Yeah, that’s marketable.” Colby shook his head. “You want to be an actor?” Everett appeared amused. “No. Never mind.” Colby tried to hide in plain sight, stuffing his hands between his knees. Gino thought he was adorable. “We’re sick of Rain City. We’ll move to LA.” He set his empty wine glass down and leaned against Colby’s shoulder. “Then you can hobnob with the stars.” “I don’t blame you.” Everett smiled. “If I wasn’t running for council next election, your mother and I would join you. The rain this time of year is unrelenting.” “You can visit.” Gino looked at Colby. “You’ve gone quiet. You promised you wouldn’t.” “Leave the man alone, Ty.” “Gino,” Colby corrected, tongue firmly planted in his cheek. “Dad can’t call me Gino. He’s like Ken. Stubborn.” Gino dug Colby’s hand out of its hiding place, pulling it from between his tight knees, clasping it. When Gino looked at his father for a reaction, he found him smiling. Colby passed the mashed potatoes as the family sat around the table in the dining room. An elegant chandelier throw glittering flashes of light against the walls, reflecting the tapered candles that framed the silver and gold accented centerpiece of bells and holly. “Was it scary being a soldier?” Dominic asked. “Sometimes.” “Dominic, let Colby eat in peace,” Sheila said. “I don’t mind.” Colby smiled, pouring gravy on his turkey. “Grandpa doesn’t talk about when he was in the army.” Dominic frowned. “That’s because it was too many years ago.” Everett said to his wife, “Everything’s delicious.” “Thank you.” Cyndie smiled. “It is,” Colby said, “Excellent.” 158

It Takes a Man “Thank you, Colby.” “Brown-noser,” Gino teased, elbowing him. “I’m not. I’m just enjoying this.” Colby ate the stuffing, grinning at Gino. “Did you not want to be a soldier anymore, Colby?” Dominic asked. “No. I still wanted to be one. I just couldn’t be anymore.” “Did you get hurt?” “Dom! Let the poor man eat in peace.” Sheila shook her head. “He’s as bad with Ken. But I don’t want any of my boys in the military or police. Too dangerous.” Colby caught Gino’s eye. Gino had an apologetic expression on his face. Shaking his head, Colby tried to convey not to worry, that he wasn’t taking insult. A noise at the door made everyone stop eating. “Hello!” “Daddy!” Tara leapt off the chair. “Look what the wind blew in,” Gino smiled. Colby found Ken in his Seattle Police uniform standing at the doorway. “All I have is a half hour, Mom. And I’m starving.” “Sit.” She rushed to the kitchen. “Hey, Colby. Nice you could join us.” Ken lowered the volume on his service radio and sat down, grabbing a roll and buttering it. “So? Busy out there?” Everett asked. “Yes. Loads of domestic disturbances. ‘Tis the season.” Cyndie set a plate with sliced turkey in front of Ken. Everyone started passing him food and he piled it high. “I heard about your brother, Colby.” Everyone tried to catch Colby’s eye. “What’s this?” Cyndie sat up. Ken said, “Colby’s brother was killed in Iraq. They just had the funeral a couple of weeks ago.” “Ken,” Gino admonished. “It’s okay.” Colby touched Gino’s hand. “His Stryker vehicle drove over a bomb while he was on patrol.” 159

G.A. Hauser “I’m so sorry, Colby,” Cyndie said. “Yeah, sorry, Colby,” Sheila repeated. “Hate that damn war,” Gino grumbled. Sheila pointed to Dominic. “Colby lost his brother in a war. I have no idea why you think that’s so appealing.” “Shelia,” Ken said, “He’s only six. Give it a rest.” Suddenly Colby felt like shit for causing an argument. He set his fork down and straightened the napkin on his lap. “Ken,” Gino said, “You really are a downer, you know that? Coming in here, talking about crap.” “Hey, I just wanted to tell Colby I was sorry.” When Gino went to reply, Ken held up his hand and leaned his ear to his radio. “Gotta go.” He rose up. “What’s happening?” Cyndie asked. “A shooting. Thanks, Mom. I’ll see you all later.” He raced out of the room. Behind him he left a wake of silence. Colby looked at Ken’s three children. It was hell having a dad in the service, whether it was police or military. The look of devastation on their faces was painful. He imagined his nieces and nephews looked the same when daddy went off to war. Poor Caleb and Jocelyn. Christmas without a father. He couldn’t imagine how awful it was. “You okay?” Gino touched Colby’s back. “Yes. Sorry.” “You have nothing to be sorry about.” Gino reached his arm around Colby’s shoulder and hugged him. It was Gino’s turn to be nervous. Colby relayed directions to his parents’ home in Burien, otherwise known as Rat City or White Center, for reasons unknown to Gino. He hoped it wasn’t named after vermin or ethnic cleansing. “That house.” Colby pointed to a modest brick colonial with an American flag flying at half-mast protruding beside the porch steps. 160

It Takes a Man Gino parked and unhooked his seatbelt. When he didn’t make a move to get out of the car, Colby paused. “Your turn?” “Yes.” “And I can’t use the line on you about Narqa and Haji Baba.” “No.” Gino’s full stomach felt like a knot. “Please don’t worry.” “Do we have to do this?” Colby turned in the seat. “No. We don’t.” Rubbing his eyes, Gino began to feel like an idiot. “Go. I’m okay.” He opened the driver’s door and climbed out. “You’ll do fine.” Colby stopped Gino before they walked to the front door. “No one will be rude to you, promise.” “Okay.” Gino nodded and took a deep breath. Colby rang the bell and tried the screen door. It was unlocked. “Mom? Dad?” he called as he entered. Gino came in behind him, seeing the house decorated with twinkle lights and garland, a Nobel Pine was covered in baubles and tinsel near the front window. Children sat on the floor playing with robotic or electronic toys. “Hi, Colby.” An older woman kissed Colby’s cheek then met Gino’s eye. “Mom, this is Gino.” Colby stood back so they could see each other. “Nice to meet you, Mrs. Hollinger.” “No need to be so formal. Call me Holly.” She shook his hand. “Come in.” Holly grasped Gino’s palm snuggly. “These are my daughters in law, Sandra and Nora.” Gino smiled and nodded to them. “And these are my grandchildren. That’s Caleb and Jocelyn, Sandra and Brett’s children, and Sonny and Kathy, Nora and Paul’s children.” “Nice to meet you all.” There was no way Gino was going to remember each of the children’s names. He was very nervous. But he did force himself to remember the women’s. “Let me take your coat.” Gino removed his wool coat and handed it to Holly. 161

G.A. Hauser “Did you eat at Gino’s parents’ house?” Holly asked as she tucked the two coats over her arm. “Yes. We’re stuffed.” Colby rubbed his stomach. “I hope you saved room for dessert. We assumed you’d come for coffee.” “We’ll have something.” Colby looked around the room. “I take it Dad’s not here.” “No, dear. He’s at the base.” Gino watched Holly leave the room with their coats and felt awkward loitering by the door. “Sit,” Nora said, “Don’t just stand there.” Before Gino took a seat, he walked over to Sandra and held out his hand. “I just want to say how sorry I am for your loss.” “Thank you, Gino.” Sandra’s eyes watered. “You let me know if there’s anything I can do.” “I appreciate that.” Colby pointed to a table with a large electric coffee urn. “You want a cup?” “Sure.” Gino sat down and looked at the games the children were playing. They were similar to his own nephews’ and niece’s ‘must have’ video games from Santa’s list. “Colby mentioned you work with troubled youths,” Nora said, “That must be a challenge.” “It is. But a worthwhile one.” He reached up as Colby handed him a mug and sat next to him on the sofa. “He loves his job.” Colby placed his steaming brew on a side table. “What’s going on with you, Colby?” Sandra asked. Colby shrugged. “I’m floundering at the moment.” “I’m sorry, Colby.” Sandra appeared upset. “Don’t worry about it.” Colby waved dismissively. “So? Did Dad even show up for dinner?” “No. He said he couldn’t.” Nora brushed her brown hair back from her forehead. “Have you heard from Paul at all?” Colby asked her. “I got an email. He’s in Germany at the moment.” 162

It Takes a Man Gino couldn’t imagine never having your spouse around. He knew Sheila’s anxiety just from Ken having to work weekends and holidays, but to be gone? For months or a year at a time? How did they do it? Then he remembered Sandra’s husband and Devonne Kelly’s father. They came home. In a box. “Right.” Holly returned and stared at everyone. The noise level from the boys playing their video games was growing, so she hushed them. “If you’re going to be loud, go into the den.” “We want cookies.” “Help yourself.” Holly gestured to the table. The four children dashed towards it. “Only two each!” Nora warned. “Leave some for the rest of us.” Sandra said, “They had a cookie bake sale at the church. We wrapped up care packages to send to the troops.” “Nice.” Colby nodded. “I can’t tell you how great it is to get stuff like that from home.” “How long have you two been dating?” Nora asked when the children left the room with their hands full of treats. Gino and Colby exchanged glances. “Six months?” Gino asked. “Yes. That sounds right.” Colby brought his mug to his lips to sip. “He’s decided to move in.” “Oh! Cool!” Nora smiled. Gino noticed Holly and Colby’s eyes meet. He had no idea if Holly would be upset. It sounded impulsive to him. When Colby placed his cup back on the table and leaned over his knees, apparently about to speak seriously, Gino held his breath. “How upset would you guys be if I moved to LA?” “What?” Holly laughed as if it were a joke. “LA?” Nora said, “Lucky you. Sick of the rain?” “Yes!” Colby replied, then said, “And I think job opportunities would be better there.” Gino was surprised Colby was springing it on his mother now. The conversations he and Colby had about moving were 163

G.A. Hauser only pipe dreams at this point, weren’t they? Were they seriously moving? “Job opportunities?” Holly said, “Colby, California is in the worst recession. It’s losing money constantly. I doubt it’s better there. Why would you leave your job at the detention center?” Biting his lip, Gino had a feeling Colby was opening up a can of worms. He was not happy with him at the moment. “I don’t want that job. I want to be an actor.” Wincing, Gino heard the predictable mocking laughter from the three women in the room, and couldn’t imagine Colby taking it well. “An actor?” Holly laughed. “Colby, be sensible. You can’t leave your job for some wild idea of being a movie star.” Gino grew angry with Colby. This topic hadn’t been discussed between them enough to make any kind of announcement. “I think we need cookies.” Sandra stood and walked across the room to the table with desserts displayed on it. Colby went quiet and appeared crushed. Under her breath Holly muttered, “First you’re gay, then discharged, now this. What am I supposed to tell the Major?” Sandra, as if trying to calm things down, held out a tray of an assortment of homemade sugar cookies and gingerbread men. “Cookie?” “No, thank you, Sandra.” Gino tried to smile. “You have to try one. It’s Christmas.” Taking a small sugar cookie coated with green and red sprinkles, Gino thanked her. “Colby?” She held the plate before the brooding man. “No. Thanks.” “Col,” Gino admonished. “Eat a cookie, will ya?” Colby nudged the plate away from him. Sandra straightened her back and brought it to Holly who took one for herself. “You ready?” Colby asked Gino. Nibbling the cookie, Gino asked, “Ready for what?” 164

It Takes a Man “I’m tired. I want to go.” Gino scanned the room. Everyone looked either hurt or upset. He forced himself to finish the cookie quickly and brushed off his hands. Standing, Colby asked his mother, “Where did you put our coats?” “You don’t have to leave, Colby.” Holly was obviously annoyed. “Yeah. I do.” When Colby followed his mother out of the living room, Gino glanced at Nora and Sandra. “Is he okay, Gino?” Sandra asked. “Not really. This discharge hit him hard.” Gino walked closer to where the women were sitting. He added, “Sometimes life doesn’t go as we planned, Sandra. You know that best.” “True.” Her eyes seemed to unfocus. “But,” Gino glanced back at the hallway. “I think Colby is doing the best he can.” Nora approached Gino to whisper, “Take good care of him. We’d be devastated if anything happened to him.” “He’s not suicidal, Nora. Don’t worry.” Gino touched her arm. “Good. It is what we were discussing before you showed up. Holly is really worried—” When she stopped talking abruptly, Gino spun around. Colby had paused as he listened, holding Gino’s black wool coat and wearing his Gore-Tex jacket. “Nice meeting you.” Gino reached out to Nora. She hugged him and whispered, “You let me know if there’s any way we can help.” “Thanks.” Sandra rose up and embraced Gino. “I’m so glad we got to meet you.” “Me too. Hang in there. The rumor is that things improve with time.” She nodded, trying to smile. 165

G.A. Hauser Gino bypassed Colby and reached his hand out to Holly. “Thanks for inviting us over.” “My pleasure, Gino. You’re welcome anytime.” Gino took his coat and put it on while walking to the door. Behind him he heard Colby saying goodbye but didn’t look back. He opened the front door and stood in the damp chill looking at the array of items left by neighbors in tribute to Brett’s death. Teddy bears in clear plastic bags tied with yellow ribbons, cards, and flowers suffering the chill and mold of the wet days, sat in a pile under the flag. Colby exited the house and walked to the passenger’s side of Gino’s car. Seeing Sandra at the screen door, Gino waved to her and climbed into his car. He was irritated with Colby but kept his mouth shut. Colby was beginning to believe honesty was not the best policy. By telling people the truth he was ruining his life. First the army punished him for it and now his family mocked his decisions. What the fuck? I’m going to lie from now on. This sucks. He expected support from Gino. Maybe Gino could act excited, tell his mom how sick he was of Seattle and how happy he was to move. When his expectations were not met, Colby wondered why. “Do you know how to get back to 509?” “Yes.” Gino drove down the street. “I figure Highway 99 will be better than I-5.” Colby waited, Gino didn’t answer. “Are you mad at me?” Not meeting his eye, Gino let go a loud sigh. “What did I do?” Colby felt defensive. “I thought you were behind me getting a new career, of us moving—” “Col.” Gino cut him off. Covering his face, Colby felt like he couldn’t make a good decision and his self-confidence was dropping until he doubted everything he was doing. “Let’s get home and relax. Okay?” 166

It Takes a Man Colby twisted his knees to the passenger’s door and closed his eyes, resting his forehead on the window. Sometimes it was too much. The weight on his shoulders would not lift. Gino walked behind Colby into the apartment. He went through the same routine he did nightly, laying his coat over a chair, taking off his shoes… Colby walked straight to the bedroom, slumped over, appearing defeated. Though he loved Colby, doubts formed in Gino’s mind about moving in. Were they back to square one again? How far had they come from an initial separation a month ago? When Gino stood at the bedroom doorway he found Colby undressing. His shirt slid down his muscular build, tossed onto the chair, his socks and slacks went the in same place, making a pile. As he faced the dresser, Colby ran his hands over his head, looking drained. “Babe.” Colby glanced over his shoulder. Approaching him, Gino caressed Colby’s eagle tattoo lightly. “I’m just asking for you to talk about things a little more before we go making family announcements.” “I can’t think straight, Gino. I thought telling them what I want to do would give me a direction and get me excited.” “I understand that.” Gino held both of Colby’s shoulders in his hands. The heat from Colby’s body was always amazing. He was a furnace. “I…” Colby began, then closed his mouth. “You what?” Taking a deep breath, Colby answered, “I need a big change. I can’t keep going like I am.” Gino nodded, leading Colby to sit on the bed. Colby dropped to his back, putting his hands behind his head, staring at the ceiling. While Gino admired his body, he removed his own clothing. “I’m listening, Col.” 167

G.A. Hauser Colby covered his face and massaged his eyes with his fingertips. “I didn’t mention it before but, Dr. Maddox thinks I’m depressed.” “Understandably.” Gino flung his shirt and slacks over the same chair Colby’s were lying on. “I don’t want meds. I want to find solutions on my own.” Once he was down to just his briefs, Gino leaned on his side next to Colby, smoothing his hand over Colby’s chest. “By running away?” “No. By starting a new life.” Giving a sympathetic nod, Gino wanted Colby to continue. “It may be a long shot, but if I don’t do it, I’ll regret it for the rest of my life. And I have too many regrets already, Gino.” “I know, babe.” Gino ran his hand over the length of Colby’s cock over his underwear. “So…you have no intention of moving with me. Am I right?” “I never said that.” Gino slipped his fingers into the waistband and tugged it lower so he could see Colby’s cock. “I have a good job and all my family is here. I just need some time to think about it and send out resumes down south.” “That’s better than I expected.” “I do things logically, Colby. I try to plan out my life. I know it sounds glamorous to just pick up and go, but wouldn’t it be wiser to have a job ready? Get you enrolled in drama school?” “Yes.” Gino dragged Colby’s briefs down his hips. Colby raised his bottom and took them off, dropping them on the floor. With Colby’s genitals exposed, Gino was able to touch his balls. He cupped them in his palm and rolled them around gently. “I’m not saying we can’t explore LA as an option. I am sick of the rain, Colby. Sick to death of it.” “I know how close you are to your family.” “Yes. I am. But not enough for it to influence my decisions.” 168

It Takes a Man Colby spread his legs as Gino fondled his entire package, feeling Colby’s cock harden under his hand. “How long will it take before you know you want to go?” Gino smiled. “Are you in a rush?” “Sort of.” “You have to apply to school first. I have no idea how hard it is to get into drama classes.” Gino surrounded Colby’s cock, holding it upright to run his palm over it. “Being ex-military, I bet they give the schools an incentive.” “I don’t know. It’s what we need to check out.” “Yes.” Gino leaned over and put the head of Colby’s cock into his mouth. When Colby stifled his groan, Gino said, “I want to hear you moan. Stop biting it back.” Colby’s legs tensed but he stayed silent. In a deliberate effort to get Colby to stop the habit he had of controlling himself during sex, Gino positioned himself between Colby’s thighs and spread Colby’s legs apart wider. Instantly Colby’s breathing accelerated. Gino licked at Colby’s balls. “Tell me how much you like it, Col.” “I like it,” Colby huffed excitedly. Wetting his finger, Gino pushed past Colby’s rim for a prostate massage. “Still like it?” Gino asked, grinning wickedly. Colby clenched his teeth. Gino grabbed the base of Colby’s cock and fisted him. “How about now?” Finally a deep, throaty grunt emerged from Colby that sent a rush of pleasure through Gino’s groin. “Better.” Gino dove onto Colby’s cock and sucked, fast and strong as he worked him with his finger. Another wonderful whimper of bliss filled the room. It made Gino want Colby’s cum. Now! He increased the squeezing of his hand and jerked Colby’s cock into his mouth. “Ahh! Ahh!” Colby uncharacteristically began vocalizing his feelings. “Gino!” 169

G.A. Hauser That’s it. Come on, lover. Gino pushed it to full throttle, craving Colby’s climax. “Fuck!” Gino smiled in pure delight at the exclamation which preceded a mouthful of spunk. “Mm!” Gino agreed, swallowing down the elixir. Milking Colby’s cock for the last drop, Gino sat back on his heels and stared at Colby. “You do realize once you’re an actor, you’ll have to perform on cue.” “Not porn.” Colby laughed, holding his chest as he caught his breath. “I know not porn.” Gino grinned at him, then reached into the nightstand. “I want more of that grunting. You got me? No more stopping it behind your teeth.” “I got you.” Rolling on a condom, Gino next spread a generous amount of lubrication on Colby’s ass and asked, “Ready?” “Yes. I promise I’ll moan.” “Good.” Gino aimed his cock and pushed into the tight ring. “Delicious.” “Shit…” Colby’s head pressed back into the pillows. “You okay?” “Love your dick in me.” Colby visibly shivered. “And I love giving it to you.” Gino inched in until he was enveloped inside Colby’s body. “That is so nice.” He closed his eyes and relished the sensation of heat. “Fuck me.” “Oh! Talking dirty?” Gino chuckled. “I like that. Don’t stop.” Gino started to thrust in. After an audible gulp, Colby clenched the quilt under him in his fists. “Fuck your man. That’s it.” Gino smiled. It wasn’t easy for Colby to change. It wasn’t easy for anyone. “Ahh, fuck me!” At the loud declaration, Gino blinked. “Wow!” He felt a surge of power to his groin and began a faster rhythm. “That’s it!” Colby gasped, “Yes, Gino!” 170

It Takes a Man Gino had never seen Colby let go. Usually it was a slow, silent, session. He was overwhelmed. “Babe!” Gino couldn’t stop the climax. He burrowed in deep and his body pulsated with strong orgasmic waves. Wanting to gasp, Gino couldn’t it was so intense. A choking sound was all he managed as he gave up his seed. Colby grabbed his own dick and jacked it, still humping from underneath Gino, working Gino’s stiff dick inside him. As Gino watched in disbelief, Colby bucked like he was riding a mechanical bull and shot cum out onto his chest while he howled in pleasure. “Mutha-fucka!” Gino battled to gain air as he stared at Colby, stunned didn’t describe the way he felt. The sex had always been fabulous, but Colby’s zeal brought it to the next level. Gino pulled out and dove on top of Colby, pinning him down and gripping Colby’s head as Colby recuperated, his chest rising and falling and his skin covered in spunk and sweat. “You fantastic man!” Colby laughed shyly. Closing his eyes, Gino kissed him, grinding his crotch against Colby’s, spent condom and all. The kiss was toe curling, as if they had another breakthrough. Colby encircled Gino’s back with his arms and flipped them over so he was on top. He straddled Gino’s hips and asserted his dominance. It made Gino swoon it was so sexy. “Colby, oh…” Gino closed his eyes and inhaled the scent of masculine sweat and sex. “Baby, baby…” Colby ran kisses up Gino’s neck to his earlobe, nibbling his earring. I’ll never let you go. You want to go to LA? I’m there.

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Chapter Fifteen Colby carried a box of Gino’s clothing up the stairs. Gino only brought his essentials. He still had two months to go on his apartment lease. A week had gone by since Christmas and Gino was back at work. Colby continued to make room for Gino’s things during the day, so when Gino brought over a suitcase after work he could unpack if for him. They hadn’t spoken about moving again, but Colby did spend time on the computer reading up on the GI Bill and seeing what the requirements were for college in southern California. Would he go without Gino? No. “That’s it for now.” Gino placed the box he was carrying onto the floor in the second bedroom. “I hate moving.” “Sorry.” “I don’t know why you think everything is your fault.” Gino removed his shoes and coat. “It’s the rain. Moving in the cold rain.” On the tip of Colby’s tongue was the promise of LA sunshine, but he didn’t say it. His home phone rang. Colby looked down at the LCD and found it was blocked. That always created anxiety. “Hello?” “Colby?” “Hi, Dad.” Colby caught Gino’s eye. “Do you have a minute?”

 

It Takes a Man Colby assumed his father had something critical to say about his aspirations pertaining to a new career, or possibly just the move to LA in general. “Yes. What’s up?” Colby sat down on a kitchen chair and Gino joined him, appearing concerned. Colby mouthed, ‘My dad,’ so Gino knew. “There is an investigation at the moment into allegations of sexual misconduct.” Colby’s blood went cold and he cringed. He’d been through enough. What more did they want? “About…about me?” “No, not directly.” Blinking, Colby stared at Gino in confusion. “I don’t understand.” “Your commanding officer, Sergeant Major Lindy Black.” “What about him?” At the mere mention of the monster’s name, Colby shivered. “There’s been a claim by a corporal and two junior NCO’s that Sgt. Major Black coerced them into sexual acts.” Colby covered his eyes and Gino touched him in comfort. “Colby?” “I’m here, Dad.” “I want you to come to the base and make a statement about your own encounter. I want this man court marshaled.” “When?” Colby felt sick. “Tomorrow morning. Eight sharp.” “Where?” “Meet me at the Office of the Staff Judge at HQ.” “Okay.” The line disconnected. Colby set the cordless on the table. “What the hell was that all about?” Gino rubbed Colby’s shoulder. “The asshole who made me suck his dick has obviously done it before.” “And? Got what’s coming to him?” “Soon. Three more enlisted guys came forward.” 173

G.A. Hauser “I see. And your dad wants you to talk to someone about it?” “He wants me to make a statement.” “How do you feel about that?” “I hate reliving that shit, but I want to see the guy court marshaled.” “Karma. It’s ugly when it bites you in the butt. That sucker deserves what’s coming to him. He ruined your career.” Colby wished he had energy. Everything seemed to be draining him. “Babe. Get through it. Maybe it’ll bring closure.” “I ruined my career. Not Sgt. Major Black. Me.” “You never would have come out if he didn’t put you on the spot. He was accusing you of what he’s been doing, for God knows how many years.” Colby groaned. He didn’t know what to think. “Come here.” Gino stood and tapped Colby’s arm. Following Gino to the bedroom, Colby paused as Gino stopped and began removing Colby’s clothing. Colby helped, taking off his shoes and socks, lowering his jeans and briefs. “Lie face down.” Colby warned, “I’ll fall asleep.” “So? Fall asleep.” Crushing the pillows under his cheek, Colby exhaled and closed his eyes. Rain pelted the glass and the sun hadn’t shown its face for weeks. If he didn’t know the time, he’d think it was five pm, but it was only one. The bed shifted with Gino’s weight. When Colby felt his shoulders being squeezed he realized he was in for a massage. “Now I’m really going to snooze.” He heard Gino laugh softly. Colby shifted his hips on the bed as his cock hardened from the touch. He clenched his ass cheeks and pushed his erection against the bed. Gino focused on Colby’s neck and upper back, finding knots under his skin that were the result of tension and poor sleep. “That feels so good.” Colby flexed his arms and released them with a loud sigh. 174

It Takes a Man A finger traced his ass crack. Shivers ran down Colby’s spine. He opened his thighs, trying to invite more. Sex was such a haven for him. A moment in time where he could forget life and become absorbed in pleasure. Gino leaned one hand on Colby’s back while the other touched his balls from behind. It made Colby hump the bed. “Want you.” Gino sucked on the skin of Colby’s bottom, chewing on it and growling seductively. “Oh, fuck. Want it, Williams.” He heard Gino’s sexy chuckle. When contact ceased Colby looked up. Gino tossed a condom on the bed and squeezed lube into his fingers. Pausing to see who was topping whom, Colby rolled to his side to watch Gino. Gino spun around so his back was facing Colby, then he bent over and oiled up his own ass. “Holy Christ!” Colby’s body flashed with fire. “You said you want it.” Snatching the condom from the bed, Colby tore it open and sheathed his cock. He leapt off the bed and held Gino by his hips. “Can I take you like this?” “Uh huh.” Gino moved so he could rest his elbows on the bed, his ass high in the air. The excitement in Colby was piqued. He waited until Gino settled against the bed and aimed his cock at his hole. Knowing he wouldn’t last, Colby hesitated before pushing all the way in, trying to bite back the wave and stay on the edge. Unfortunately the sight of Gino’s bottom in the air was too good to be true. Gino wiggled backwards until Colby was inside. “Better.” “Gino…wow…” Colby felt his cock pulsating in time with his heartbeat. Gently, Colby began riding Gino, watching the penetration, enjoying the view of their union. “You are one beautiful man, hon.” “You’re telling me this while you’re looking at my ass,” he laughed. “Oh yeah. Coming and going.” “Coming. Come for me.” 175

G.A. Hauser “I will.” “And moan!” “Auuugh!” Colby played it up deliberately. “That better not be an act!” “Stop making me laugh.” Colby smiled and concentrated on the task at hand. He widened his feet for a firmer stance and pressed against Gino for total penetration, then he pumped up and down quickly for the hot friction. “Oh, man…I am so close.” “Take your time, babe.” “Can’t. Gotta come.” Colby watched as he drew his dick out to the head and thrust in deep again. “Ahhgaaad.” He couldn’t stop the climax, so he began humping Gino. His head spun and his knees went weak. “Gino, fuck! Oh fuck!” “That sounds like a good one. Come on, Col…fuck me.” Colby gripped Gino as tightly as he could, sealing their connection and gasping for breath. “God, I love you. So much.” “You too, babe.” “I don’t want to pull out.” Colby moaned and burrowed deeper. “I know.” Dripping with perspiration, Colby gained his balance and pinched the end of the rubber as he backed up. “Wow.” He felt dizzy from the intensity. Removing the condom and seeing a large load in the reserve tip, Colby said, “That was amazing.” Gino turned around and had a look. “Nice.” “Be back.” “I’ll be here.” He dumped the condom and washed up quickly, hurrying back to Gino. Stopping short, Colby gave Gino’s body a good once over, whistling through his teeth. “Man, you’re gorgeous.” “Come here. Give me some more sugar.” Crawling up the bed from the foot, Colby nuzzled Gino’s crotch and purred. “Oh yes,” Gino whispered. 176

It Takes a Man Colby enveloped all of Gino’s semi-erect cock, making it stiffen in his mouth. He gave it a good strong suck and met Gino’s eyes. “BJ or my ass?” “BJ.” Colby made himself comfortable on the bed between Gino’s legs as Gino bent his knees and spread wide. Using the lubrication still in Gino, Colby slid his index finger inside him and drew strong suction on Gino’s cock. “That’s it.” Gino’s hips rose off the bed. A flash of having Sgt Major Black’s cock in his mouth startled Colby. He opened his eyes and stared at Gino’s shaven pubic hair and dark skin for reassurance. Gino’s scent was divine, Lindy Black’s was repulsive. Colby sat up, panting, staring at Gino’s crotch, battling ugly images. “You okay, Col?” “Yeah.” The sweat stung Colby’s eyes. He gave Gino’s face and body another scan and was able to continue where he left off. That phone call. The call from his dad. It brought with it a nightmare of recollections that Colby was unprepared for. He thought he had put all of that in the past. He stopped again and stared at Gino’s dick. “Babe. It’s okay.” “No.” Colby went back to sucking. He felt Gino pulling on his shoulder. Colby knew he ruined the mood. He rested his cheek on Gino’s pelvis and tried to calm down. “Wait. I can. I just need a second.” “Col…I said it’s okay.” “No!” Colby shouted in frustration. He held Gino’s cock and worked it. “Sweetie, I can’t now. Give me the second you didn’t give yourself.” Colby sat back on his heels and covered his face. “Damn it. Damn it!” Gino embraced him, kneeling in front of him. “Why don’t you give yourself a break?” 177

G.A. Hauser “Why did Dad call? I was over it. It was done.” “Lie down.” Gino drew Colby close so they were reclining facing each other. “You know I deal with young people some of whom have been sexually abused.” “That’s not me.” Colby showed his teeth. “Oh? Really?” “I’m not a teen. Gino, that’s insulting.” “I don’t care how old you are. When someone in power abuses that privilege, and when sex is coerced from fear, you can be sixty and it’ll still be traumatic.” “I’m not traumatized.” Colby’s temper was rising. “I’m not saying that. Will you cool down? You’re burning up.” Gino wiped the sweat from Colby’s forehead. “I can handle it.” “I know.” Colby knew both he and Gino knew he couldn’t. Colby just said it out of pride. “Just give me a minute.” “I’m not rushing you. I brought you here to the bedroom to soothe you. Not me.” Rolling to his back, Colby hid his face in his hands. “What are you doing with me? I’m so fucked up. Go find someone who’s normal.” “Normal?” Gino scoffed. “After what you went through? And I’m not talking just the crap of ‘Don’t Ask Don’t Tell’. Though I’m not trivializing that, I’m talking about three tours of duty. You are normal, Colby. The fact that you can cope at all is a testament to your strength.” It was like a fever gripped Colby. He was drenching the quilt under him. He forced himself to breathe normally, trying not to collapse from the pressure. Gino touched his face with the back of his hand. “Let me get something.” “No.” Before Colby could stop him, Gino hopped off the bed. He returned with a damp washcloth and patted Colby’s face in an attempt to cool him down. 178

It Takes a Man Colby used the cloth to wipe his eyes and forehead before dropping it on his chest. “I keep trying to put it behind me and it keeps coming back.” “I know.” “I need a fresh start.” “You do.” Colby turned to face Gino. “Am I doing it alone or are you coming with me?” Gino bit his lip, appearing anxious. “Forget it.” Colby gave Gino his back and curled into a fetal position. Gino spooned him, holding him tight. “Hang in there, Col. Hang in there.”

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Chapter Sixteen The room was full of uniforms, including his father and a Lieutenant Colonel. Colby was the only one in a suit. The suit he wore for Brett’s funeral. It seemed appropriate not only because it was the only one he owned but because it felt like he was at his own execution. Even with legal representation, Colby felt vulnerable. Nightmares plagued him in his sleep of being dragged to the brig by MPs and locked in a jail cell. Even with Gino close as he slept, Colby did not find any comfort. The bed was so drenched in sweat by morning they changed the sheets. It was a formal inquiry, not a friendly chat on a sofa. This was a tribunal, a military trial. Colby had explained what had happened to him previous to Private Pine accusing him of harassment and now he was a witness for the prosecution. When the accused Sgt Major was escorted in by two MPs, Colby winced at the sight of him. It was everything he could do to not beg Dr. Maddox for an excuse to not testify or get pills to make him forget. He could smell him from where he sat. Or at least his mind could. A sour stench that made his stomach churn in revulsion. Legal formalities were spoken before anything proceeded. Colby zoned out. He kept thinking of himself and Gino on a sandy beach in LA. It was his light at the end of the tunnel and he had to get there or he was done.

 

It Takes a Man His legal advisor whispered in his ear. Colby forced himself to hear him. “Each of you will testify separately…” Colby nodded but he wasn’t concentrating. He couldn’t even look at his dad, and his dad didn’t look at him. A line of men formed to leave the room. Colby noticed two juniors and a corporal. He knew they had to be the ones. Other victims who had the balls or knew they had nothing to lose by coming forward. He sat on a bench as four MPs stood guard making sure no one spoke. Colby hunched over his knees, rubbing his face and eyes, wishing he had had a good night’s rest. Wishing he could give Gino that blowjob last night, wishing he was in Iraq, LA, anywhere but where he was. Gino checked the time. He worried about Colby. Last night was one of his worst nights yet. If the poor man got more than five minutes sleep Gino would be surprised. Staring at the information form on the computer, Gino lost his train of thought. Could he uproot himself and move to California? After seven months of a rocky relationship? Leave his family, his job, his hometown? He knew if he didn’t, Colby would go without him. Adding to that man’s struggling state of mind made Gino guilt ridden. He was torn. He loved Colby, wanted to help him, but worried if it didn’t last between them, he’d have made a lot of effort for himself for nothing. And then? If they broke up? What would he do? Come back to Seattle? Hope his job was still here? “Not in this economy it won’t be.” Gino knew if he gave up his spot at the youth center, a hundred would be in line with their resumes. Knowing he couldn’t do anything without knowledge, Gino lowered the screen of the form he was working on and surfed the net for jobs in his area of expertise. 181

G.A. Hauser When a dozen showed up in LA alone, Gino was surprised. “Well, the land of the troubled youth. I should have guessed that.” He fulfilled all the requirements, and more. The degree, the experience, the extra time he’d spent volunteering and taking courses to better himself, all worked to his benefit. And the pay was better than he was earning now. “Okay. Next question. Will Colby and I make it as a couple?” That he couldn’t answer. But breaking it off with Colby would not be easy for either of them. Colby couldn’t feel his legs any longer. He somehow made it out of the courtroom, clenching a bottle of water which he guzzled and felt his dress shirt sticking to his chest and back under his suit jacket. “Have a seat.” His legal advocate pointed to the bench as the next witness was called into the room. Colby and the corporal exchanged glances of support. He didn’t have to hear that man’s testimony. It would be the same as his. Leopards don’t change their spots. The fiend most likely had the same MO for each of them. “You okay?” “No. But I’ll live.” Colby crushed the empty plastic bottle. “We just have to wait to see if you’re recalled to the stand. Then you can go.” Colby checked his watch. “How long is that?” “Five-ish.” Knowing that was hours away, Colby groaned silently and splayed out on the bench, resting his head against the wall behind it. Carrying bags of Ezell’s fried chicken with him into the apartment, Gino opened the door and found it was dark inside. “Col?” He set the bags down and looked for Colby in the bedroom. The apartment was unoccupied. He checked his phone to see if Colby had sent him a text. Nothing. 182

It Takes a Man “I do worry about you, babe.” He removed his coat and shoes and looked for a dish to keep the chicken warm until Colby came home. The aroma of fried chicken, mashed potatoes, coleslaw and fresh baked rolls made his stomach grumble. Gino placed a six pack of amber ale in the fridge and two mugs in the freezer. After changing into a pair of sweatpants and sweatshirt, he dropped down on the sofa to watch the news. A half hour later he heard a key turning in the lock and got his first sight of Colby. He looked like hell. “Oh, babe.” Gino rose up and crossed the room towards him. “Hey.” Colby tried to smile and failed miserably. “Come on.” Gino reached out to help him. He walked Colby to the bedroom and unknotted his tie. “You know you can talk about it, but you don’t have to.” “It sucked.” “I figured that.” Gino found a hanger and put Colby’s jacket on it, then noticed his dress shirt was drenched. “Poor thing.” “That’s got to go to the cleaners.” Colby nodded to the suit. “Yeah. I see that now.” “I’m soaked. Christ, I sweat a lot when I’m stressed.” “It’s all right.” “What did you get for dinner? Something smells good.” Colby stepped out of his trousers and handed them to Gino. “Ezell’s.” “Mm!” Colby asked, “Got rolls?” “Of course.” Gino took all of Colby’s clothing and put it into the hamper, hanging the suit on the closet doorknob. “You mind if I shower?” “No. The food’s in the oven warming.” Colby nodded and headed to the bathroom. “I’ll have a beer for you when you’re done.” “Love you.” 183

G.A. Hauser “And you.” Gino waited until Colby turned on the water to move back to the kitchen. He took the iced mug out of the freezer and opened the beer, filling the mug. Just after he got the table set, Colby came in wearing just a pair of gym shorts. “You want that on?” He pointed to the television set. “No. Shut it. It’s nothing but commercials.” Colby picked up the remote and turned off the TV. Gino held out the mug for him. “Man, I was dying for one of these.” Colby stood and sucked half of it down as Gino placed the food on the table. “I bought a six pack so get drunk.” “I can’t get drunk on six beers.” Colby’s smile was crooked as he replied. “Yeah. I know. Buzzed then.” Gino joined him at the table, filling his plate. While he sat, Colby finished the beer. “Should I get you another?” “I got it. Are you having one?” “Sure.” Gino served Colby as well, making sure he had plenty of food to eat. The beers were placed on the table in front of him. Colby scooted in his chair and said, “I’m starved and feel sick at the same time.” “Did you eat lunch?” “No. They broke for lunch and we were escorted to a room while we were watched by MPs. They brought in sandwiches, but I didn’t eat. I felt sick to my stomach.” “Bad huh?” Gino licked his finger. “It was for me. I felt like a chick who’s been raped at a party. You know? No one believed me and I deserved what I got because,” Colby used his fingers as quotation marks, “All gay guys come on to all guys.” “What a crock of shit. That’s the biggest misconception I can think of. Not all straight guys want every straight chick.” “Yeah, huh?” Colby laughed. “I’m serious, Col. Jesus. I’m very picky.” 184

It Takes a Man “Then what the hell happened to you? You lowered your standards the day you met me.” Gino stopped eating. “I hope you’re joking.” “I am. Sort of.” Colby winked. They ate quietly for a moment. Gino wiped his hands with a napkin and gulped the beer. “I did some surfing.” “And?” “There are jobs for me in LA.” Colby sat up and his eyes went wide. “Yeah?” “I still think I should contact someone, or apply on line. You know. To be sure.” “You’re…you’re coming?” “If I don’t go, you’ll go without me.” Gino stood to get another beer for each of them. “And then when you’re a hotshot movie star, you’ll pretend you don’t know me.” Colby was beaming at him. “Yeah.” Gino grinned as he topped up Colby’s beer. “I know you.” “You do.” Colby raised his mug. Gino tapped it with his own.

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Epilogue Colby stood in the sand looking out at the summer sun sinking into the horizon. A warm breeze blew back his hair. He ran his fingers through it, not used to its length. He was more accustomed to bristles on top of his head, not an unruly mop of brown waves. An arm encircled his waist. Colby smiled at Gino, who had beautiful long braids flowing down his back and chest, his eyes were emerald green. “Look at that sunset.” Gino did, squinting at the last few rays. “Gorgeous.” “Are you happy, Gino?” “Very.” “Miss the rain?” “No.” “Love me?” “I do. More than ever.” “More than ever?” Colby chuckled. “How did I do that?” Gino walked them down the beach. “By following your heart, never giving up on yourself even when you were at your lowest low.” “I had my boyfriend to thank for that.” Colby squeezed Gino closer until their hips were connected as they walked. “No. You did it. You deserve the credit. I’m not the one who completed a degree at thirty, sent out hundreds of letters to agents and went through auditions until…”

 

It Takes a Man “Until?” “Until you got a part.” “Playing a fucking army guy.” Colby laughed. “Yes. In a movie. Are you proud of yourself, Colby?” Colby thought about it, staring at the orange globe of the sun as it vanished below the horizon. “I won’t be completely satisfied until that law is repealed.” “I know. Soon.” Gino ran his hand through the back of Colby’s hair. “I’m talking on a more personal level. Your own accomplishments.” After a few more yards of digging their toes into the sand, Colby replied, “Yes.” “Always a man of a few words.” Gino chuckled. “I thought that was what you like about me.” “I like everything about you, Colby Hollinger.” Colby stopped Gino and looked around the beach. “Oh, go on. Don’t worry. It’s LA.” Gino teased. Cupping Gino’s jaw, Colby closed his eyes and brought him to his lips, feeling Gino’s rumbling purr as he did. When he parted to look into Gino’s eyes, Colby found pure love there. “It took a real man to do that, Col.” Gino grinned mischievously. “It took a man to stand by me, Gino. One I can never hope to show enough gratitude.” Gino resumed their walk. “When you’re rich and famous, don’t cheat on me.” “Never.” “Then we’re good.” “I’ll be better when I get my hands on you.” Colby slid his palm down to Gino’s ass, giving it a tight squeeze. Gino jumped and spun around, leaping onto Colby, wrapping his legs around Colby’s hips. Colby swayed, holding Gino in his arms, kissing him. “We better get back to the condo or I’ll be headed to the brig for indecent exposure.” Gino hopped down, clasped Colby’s hand and jogged with him to their parked car. 187

G.A. Hauser The minute they were together inside the car, they connected mouths, driving each other crazy. “Gino! Damn. I’m going nuts.” “Okay. Get us home, babe.” Gino tried to sit correctly in the passenger’s seat. “One more.” Colby dug his fingers into Gino’s braids and fucked his mouth with his tongue. When Gino grabbed Colby’s crotch, Colby groaned loudly and pulled back, starting the car. “Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you…I am so going to fuck you.” “You are my hero, Colby.” Colby laughed. “I have to thank Agent Robbie Taylor for giving us that tidbit.” “Yes. We do.” Gino kept his hand on Colby’s balls as they drove. “Send him an autographed photo.” Colby roared with laughter and threw Gino a kiss. The End

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About the Author Award-winning author G. A. Hauser was born in Fair Lawn, New Jersey, USA, and attended university in New York City. She moved to Seattle, Washington where she worked as a patrol officer with the Seattle Polic Department. In early 2000 G.A. moved to Hertfordshire, England, where she began her writing in earnest and published her first book, In the Shadow of Alexander. Now a full-time writer in Ohio, G.A. has written dozens of novels, including several bestsellers of gay fiction. For more information on other books by G.A., visit the author at her official website at: www.authorgahauser.com G.A. has won awards from All Romance eBooks for Best Novel 2007, Secrets and Misdemeanors, Best Author 2007. Best Novel 2008, Mile High, and Best Author 2008.

 

 

Author Note In honor of writing my 50th book this year, each new novel of 2010 will feature an unpublished author’s short story. Introducing Ryan St. James’ short story POLE RIDING I hope you enjoy it.

 

 

POLE RIDING RYAN ST. JAMES

 

 

 

 

Acknowledgement A huge thank you to G.A. Hauser, for her feedback and encouragement. If not for her this story might never have been written. You have no idea what you have done for me. I can't thank you enough.

 

 

 

 

Chapter One Kevin Mears spun around the stainless steel pole one arm up, the other down, knees bent, legs parted like he was mid–run. He dropped to his feet as the bass thumping song came to an end. Looking around, no one would know that most of these women in tight tops, tiny spandex shorts, and platform stilettos, were actually a group of moms that took his class Friday mornings after dropping their kids off at school. Wiping the sweat from his forehead, Kevin spun around the pole as the next song started. “Remember, you want your movements large and dramatic. Move slowly. When you sway your hips you want them to sway in a large almost exaggerated circle.” Eyeing each woman and Justin, the only boy in the class, Kevin could see almost everyone was catching on. “Alright. Great job ladies! And Justin! You are all doing really well. Any questions?” Kevin asked. Seeing heads shake and hearing some ‘No’s’ he went on, “I’ll see you all next Friday. Have a great weekend!” He waved to his class as they filed out. Grabbing a rag and a spray bottle, he walked around the room spraying and polishing poles. How long had it been since he polished a pole that wasn’t stainless steel or his own? Shaking off the thought, Kevin finished up, grabbed his duffle bag and headed toward the locker room.

 

Ryan St. James Rounding the corner, Kevin slammed face first into a wall of muscles, then promptly felt his butt hit the floor. Almost before realizing he had even fallen, large hands pulled him up to his feet. Glancing up and up, Kevin met the most beautiful grass-green eyes he’d ever seen. The muscled man had dropped his duffle bag when he pulled Kevin off the floor. Kevin noticed something had fallen out. The man stood straight after picking the item up. Kevin heard Justin say, “Ooh, whip me. Beat me.” He glanced over just as Justin gave an over-exaggerated shiver. Kevin looked in the big guy’s hand and realized he was shoving an expandable baton back into his bag. Kevin rolled his eyes and flicked his wrist in a shooing motion. “Bye, Justin. I’ll see you in class on Friday.” Justin giggled and jogged away. “Sorry, I didn’t see you.” Oh wow. That deep voice was about the sexiest thing Kevin had ever heard. Just as he was about to answer, the man owning that sexy voice passed him, swept towards the front doors. Shrugging his shoulders, Kevin continued on to the locker room. He had too much to do before going to his second job that evening to think about this meeting. Chad Gallagher stepped out of the shower of his home, wrapped a towel around his waist and padded into the walk-in closet. “What the hell am I supposed to wear to something like this?” Chad said with a frustrated sigh. He ran his fingers through his short, damp, black hair. “Fuck it. Just look casual. I can do that.” Grabbing a green, long-sleeved cotton shirt that hugged his chest and biceps, and form-fitting blue jeans, Chad dressed, laced up his boots and picked up his leather jacket. Maybe if he put his jacket in his lap no one would notice if anything popped up. How embarrassing would that be? He didn’t need the guys he worked with seeing that. 196

Pole Riding After checking the mirror one last time, Chad picked up his keys and walked out the door. This was going to be the longest most excruciating night of his life. Pulling into the parking lot, Chad couldn’t help but notice most of the overhead lights weren’t lit, keeping the majority of the lot in the dark. That would definitely make it easy for someone to have sex unseen in the parking lot, or even in a car. The club was loud; bass thumping, men shouting catcalls and whistling. Chad had been to clubs before but this was his first time in a strip club. On top of that it was a gay strip club. It only made it one hundred times worse because he was undercover and working with other cops that he wasn’t out too yet. Some of the dancers didn’t look old enough to be working there. Not a hair grew on them from the eyebrows down. Some didn’t even have armpit hair. He suspected most of them shaved it off. But God only knew why. Maybe there was more than prostitution going on in this club, maybe they also allowed minors to work here too. Hidden in a darker corner of the club Chad sat back to watch. He wasn’t sure he wanted anyone coming up to him just yet.

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Chapter Two Kevin waited backstage until the lights flickered and his music started. Wearing a green G-string that left nothing to the imagination, Kevin took the stage. He shook, gyrated, and crawled. Men stood up, all but rushing the stage, as he simulated masturbation. Kevin climbed the pole, spinning and hanging upside down, rubbing his abs and chest, pinching his nipples. When his song was almost over, Kevin crawled around the edge of the stage giving the men a good view of his ass while giving them pouty looks. Then he blew them kisses when they tossed more money. After picking up his cash Kevin left the stage. “Woo! That wasn’t bad. They are spending more money tonight,” Casey said as he handed Kevin a towel. “Thanks.” Kevin started wiping the sweat off his face. “That’s because it’s payday. Next Friday will suck.” Kevin looked over at Casey who was retrieving a bottle of water out of the mini-fridge. Kevin thought Casey was small for a man. He was five foot nothing and thin as a rail ‘til Kevin talked him in to joining the gym. Now Casey had long lean muscles. A nice compact body. If Casey wasn’t so shy he could have the men all over him. “Did you see the really tall, good looking guy come in?” Casey peeked through the curtain.

 

Pole Riding “No. You know I don’t really look at the crowd too much.” Kevin took a sip of water. “Why? Anyone worth looking at?” “Oh yeah,” whispered Casey. Curiosity got to him. Kevin walked over to the curtain to take a look at the stud Casey was drooling over. “Oh shit!” Kevin jumped back from the curtain like it had burned him. “What? He’s cute. He’s all big and muscle bound.” Casey looked at Kevin, his face showing his confusion. “I know that guy. Well, not know. He knocked me down at the gym.” Kevin went to peek again. “What? Why would he do that?” The more confused Casey got the more he backed away from the spot they were peering from. Kevin turned back, seeing Casey wringing his hands. “Oh. Honey. No. It was an accident. I didn’t see him coming around the corner and I plowed right into that massive chest. Fell right on my butt.” Kevin laughed. Casey immediately relaxed. Kevin wasn’t sure but he knew that there was some sort of abuse in Casey’s past. He didn’t want to push him but he was sure Casey would tell him when he was ready. “My break is up. Think I should go dance for him?” Kevin asked Casey with an evil grin and an eyebrow wag. Casey giggled, “Yeah, but I’m going to watch.” Chad sipped his beer and tried to relax. He had a knot in his stomach. The boy that took his drink order could hardly pass for sixteen. He was dressed in tiny cutoff jean shorts and nothing else. He had shaggy blond hair and big green eyes. Chad was in no way sexually attracted to the kid, but his heart broke seeing such a young boy walk up and try to strike a sexy pose for him. How did this club stay open for so long when they were obviously employing minors? Picking at the label on the bottle, Chad looked up to see the guy from the gym walking right up to him. He had just seen him 199

Ryan St. James dance and he couldn’t believe how the man could move his body. He was sex. Pure and simple. “Hi there. Would you like a lap dance?” asked the blond, blue-eyed man in front of him. “Sure.” Chad cleared his throat. “That’d be great.” The blond smiled. “For twenty I can dance for you right here. But for fifty I can take you to a private room with a large couch.” The private room. The private room was most likely where the offer of sex for money would happen. He pulled out a fifty dollar bill and held it up. The blond leaned over the table, holding himself up with his right hand and using his left to pull the side of his G-string out. Chad could just make out the base of his cock. Fuck. He’s hairless too. The young man glanced back at Chad over his shoulder giving him a shy grin. Chad slid the money under the small bit of green fabric. He watched as the blond stood up and grabbed his hand. “Right this way. I’m Raven by the way.” Chad followed, watching Raven’s small bubble butt the whole way up the side stairs and down a low lit hallway. What I wouldn’t give to rip off that tiny green floss and drive face first into the tiny opening hiding between those perfectly round cheeks. Chad used the heel of his hand to adjust his rigid cock. He turned and opened a door that had the name Raven on a clear plastic plaque. Inside stood a large black leather couch. The walls were painted dark red. The light wasn’t a normal bulb, it was also red. Chad took a seat on the couch as Raven closed the door. Raven swaggered over, placing his hands on Chad’s shoulders, his knees at Chad’s hips, sitting on his lap. Chad cleared his throat again. He was nervous, but he didn’t want Raven to know. Chad went to put his hands on Raven’s hips, then quickly pulled them back, not knowing what the rules were. 200

Pole Riding Raven picked Chad’s hands up off the couch, placing them on his thighs and pulling them up to his hips causing Chad’s hands to caress his soft skin. Chad could feel himself boning up. The way Raven was sitting, Chad had a feeling Raven could too. Raven smiled and ground himself against Chad’s hard on. Chad gasped and tightened his hold on Ravens hips. “Like that, doncha?” Raven whispered. “Oh, yeah.” Chad’s head was spinning. He couldn’t get over how sexy this man was. He’s only acting like he’s into me because I’m paying him. Before this went any further Chad needed to focus on his job. His real reason for being here. “So, fifty got me in the room with you. What would say two hundred get me?” Chad asked while using the back on one finger to graze Raven’s left nipple. Raven’s breath caught. “What would you like?” Chad reached behind Raven and squeezed one of Raven’s ass cheeks. “Or, even...” Using the back of his finger again he brushed it across Raven’s bottom lip. Kevin froze. No. Not this guy. Kevin knew when he started working at this job he would get propositioned all the time. And he did. But he really didn’t want it to happen with this guy. He liked this guy. True he hadn’t actually talked to him before now. But Kevin had been thinking about him since he first saw him. Well, slammed into him. He knew others in the club traded money for sex. He never had. He always thought that sex was for the man you were involved with. Not the man you’re with at the club. But he did like this man. He could do it just this once. Maybe they could see each other again? 201

Ryan St. James Yeah right. Like he’d want to see the guy he paid to blow him again. But if I turn him down, he’s not going to want to see me again regardless. Well, if that was all he’s was going to get anyway. Fuck it. Chad was more than a bit surprised when after thinking about it Raven said yes. He climbed down off Chad’s lap onto his knees on the floor. He slid his palms up Chad’s thighs and popped the button on his pants. Chad startled. “Uh, shouldn’t I pay you first?” “Nah, you can pay me after,” Raven answered as he yanked the zipper down. “Oh. Are you sure? I thought I was supposed to pay upfront?” Shit! This wasn’t going to work if money didn’t exchange hands. He has to take the money first. “Don’t worry about it.” Raven stuck his hand inside Chad’s boxer-briefs trying to retrieve his dick. “Wow, your prick is amazing! What is it? About nine inches?” Chad looked down at Raven’s huge eyes. “Um, about eight and a half.” Chad could feel his face heat at having admitted he’d measured his erection. “It’s perfect.” Raven’s voice sounded dreamy as he gobbled up Chad’s thick cock. Chad threw his head back and moaned. He watched as Raven’s head bobbed up and down, up and down. He would often use his tongue to swirl around the head, paying extra attention to the small opening. Feeling his jeans being pulled further down his legs, Chad lifted up his hips. Raven reached between Chad’s legs giving a gentle tug to his sack. He rolled Chad’s balls making Chad rumble in a moan in his chest. 202

Pole Riding Chad fisted Raven’s hair and started thrusting his hips, fucking his mouth. Raven moaned, sending vibrations through Chad’s stiff rod. “Oh fuck. Raven, I’m gonna come!” Raven’s mouth was filled with hot salty cum. Chad was impressed, Raven swallowed it all. Didn’t miss a drop. Chad’s heart was pounding in his chest. He totally forgot that he was supposed to be there for work. When Raven released his cock, Chad grabbed him by the shoulders and threw him face down on the couch. He used is knee to nudge Raven’s legs apart. Raven was thrashing to get away, but Chad held him by the shoulders. With one leg on the couch and the other on the floor, Raven tried to stand but was only able to get his ass in the air. Chad wrapped is left arm around Raven’s thigh to hold him still, then used his right hand to yank the thin strip of fabric to the side and drove his face right between Raven’s butt cheeks. Raven yelped in surprised as Chad licked and sucked at his hole. Raven stopped squirming and started pushing is butt back in Chad’s face. Raven spread his legs wider, lying on his chest he used his hands to pulls his cheeks further apart. Chad pointed his tongue and started jabbing Raven’s hole. It softened and started to flower open. Raven moaned, humping back on Chad’s tongue. Kevin knew he sounded like a bitch in heat. He didn’t care. No one had ever eaten his ass. And he certainly didn’t expect it to happen after he decided to sell it for the first time. He’d never experienced anything like it. It was one of the best feelings in the world. He wanted to scream for this man to fuck him and fuck him hard. He was just about to when the sensation to his hole disappeared. Kevin heard the man spit. “What’s wro... Oh!” A finger slipped into his ass. Kevin went wild. Thrusting back, fucking himself on the man’s finger. “Oh, God, yes! Oh, baby! Yes! Yes! Harder! Oh, fuck. Yes!” 203

Ryan St. James The finger in his ass fucked him, in and out, in and out, then it too was gone. “No! Please!” Kevin heard a laugh. “Don’t worry, baby. I’m not goin’ anywhere.” Rubbing Kevin’s lower back, the man spit again. Two fingers were shoved back in. Kevin threw his head back. “Yes! Fuck me! Oh, yeah.” Kevin felt the couch dip and looked down between his legs. Tall, dark, and sexy was lying under him. Just as he sucked on Kevin’s throbbing cock, he pegged Kevin’s gland. “Oh, I’m coming! Oh fuck me! I’m coming!” He was spent. Feeling his cock slip from the warm, wet hole, Kevin dropped to the couch and turned to see the man standing, pulling up his pants. “Well, you earned every bit of that two hundred.” The man said as he reached behind him, presumably to pull out his wallet. Kevin held up his hand. “Thanks. But I don’t want your money.”

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Chapter Three Chad slumped down in the cold metal folding chair hoping no one could tell what he’d just done. He’d sucked cock and eaten ass while on the job. He was ashamed and aroused at the same time. “Gallagher!” Chad jumped. “Welcome back. How did it go with you?” Sergeant Mathis’s voice boomed out. Chad shifted uncomfortably. “Um, it went fine. Uh, he didn’t bite.” Another guy yelled across the office they were de-briefing in causing the others to laugh. “Good to know your dick’s okay, but did he take the bait?” “Funny. No. He didn’t take the bait.” Chad sat up a little straighter. “Did anyone notice all the kids running around?” “Yeah. What was up with that? We get told about possible prostitution but no one bothers to mention the underage employees,” Officer Hollings said. “I don’t know. But the kid that took my drink order was maybe sixteen, didn’t have a hair on his body, and was wearing nothing but the smallest cutoff jean shorts I’ve ever seen,” Chad said. “We must have had the same waiter. I thought he was about fifteen.” Hollings shook his head.

 

Ryan St. James “Okay guys, we arrested three men tonight. Got them to come out to fuck in the vehicles and nabbed them that way. As far as we know no one in the club even knows they are gone yet. But once they start making their phone calls it’s over. So those of you that didn’t get a bite, try again tomorrow night.” Sergeant Mathis turned on his heels and left the room. Oh no. Chad hoped Raven wasn’t there tonight. He didn’t want to have to arrest him. He liked him. He couldn’t help but think about what it might be like to keep the man for himself. Come home to him every night. Wake up with him in his arms every morning. Cook for him, and take care of him. What the fuck and I thinking? I can’t cook. But I’m willing to learn for him. Kevin woke up late. He glanced at the clock on the nightstand. The bright red numbers read eleven-forty-two. Well at least it was still before noon. His cock was hard and leaking. He’d been dreaming of the night before with the ‘Gym Guy’. Ugh. I can’t believe I didn’t ask his name. Of course now he only knows me by Raven. Kevin sighed. “What a clusterfuck.” He kicked the sheet off and palmed his aching prick. A couple of quick pulls was all it took. He shot like a geyser, painting ribbons of semen over his chest and abs. After catching his breath he climbed out of bed and padded to the bathroom for a shower. While washing off, Kevin wondered if ‘Gym Guy’ would be around the gym today. Maybe I could catch him. Or maybe Chelsea at the front desk could tell me his name. At least that way I don’t look like a total idiot. Hey, I know we just had sex, but what was your name again? It screams, “I’m a catch!” Or, maybe is screamed, “I’m a total whore.” Whatever it said, Kevin didn’t want look like either of those. 206

Pole Riding Wearing blue spandex shorts and a cut-off white t-shirt, Kevin strolled in the front door of the gym. He told himself that he was only going to look for ‘Tall, dark, and sexy’. He wasn’t a stalker, he was here for a yoga class and if he just happened to see the man from the club it was just a bonus. Rounding the corner Kevin slammed into what felt like a brick wall and landed on his butt. Strong arms pulled him off the floor. Kevin tilted his head and looked up. Grass green eyes. Déjà Vu. Chad didn’t usually work out on Saturdays but he’d been trying to look busy for hours waiting to see if Raven would show. He was heading out of the locker room with his duffle bag when he bumped into Raven for the second time in as many days. Glancing down meeting blue eyes, Chad could see recognition on Raven’s face. All of a sudden Raven climbed his body like a spider monkey, wrapping arms and legs around him. Raven buried his face into Chad’s neck taking deep breaths. Chad slid his arms around Raven holding him tightly. “I can’t stop thinking about you,” came a muffled voice. Chad kissed Raven’s shoulder. “I can’t stop thinking about you either, Raven.” “Kevin.” “Huh?” Chad’s brow creased. “My real name is Kevin. Well, Kevin Mears.” Chad smiled. “Yeah. You look like a Kevin.” Kevin looked at Chad expectantly. “Oh. Shit. Sorry, I’m Chad Gallagher.” When Chad felt his face heat, he hid it in Kevin’s neck. Kevin giggled. I could fall in love with that laugh. “You working?” Chad asked, giving Kevin a squeeze. “No. I was looking for you.” It was Kevin’s turn to go red. 207

Ryan St. James Chad leaned forward, capturing Kevin’s lips. Kevin opened his mouth, licking his lips. Sucking his tongue. Fucking his mouth. Groaning, Chad broke the kiss. “Let’s blow this place.” Kevin looked around. “Okay. But can we do half today and half tomorrow? I think I’d get lock jaw.” Chad laughed and playfully smacked Kevin on the rump. “Smart ass.” Chad could do this all day. How long had it been since he just laid in bed naked with someone just kissing and touching? He didn’t know. But he knew he never wanted it to end. Kevin broke the kiss and glanced over at the clock on the nightstand and sighed. “What’s wrong?” Chad asked as he nibbled on Kevin’s shoulder. “Nothing. I have to leave for the club soon.” Kevin rolled back and cuddled into Chad’s chest. “You shouldn’t go in tonight.” Chad knew he wasn’t supposed to tell Kevin anything about the case but he didn’t want Kevin to be there when the club was raided tonight. “I don’t want to but I have to. I really need the money.” Kevin kissed his chest. “Come on. Stay with me.” Chad playfully begged, running his fingers lightly over Kevin’s back. Kevin squirmed and giggled. “I want to. Really. But I can’t. I have to go in.” “Can’t you get someone to cover?” He felt bad for even asking. If whoever was filling in for Kevin and got arrested when he wasn’t even supposed to be there, Chad would feel terrible. But then again, they wouldn’t be arrested if they weren’t doing anything wrong, and were of legal age to be working at the club. “No. But I promise I’ll come over right after. That is, if you want me too.” Kevin licked Chad’s nipple causing him to moan. 208

Pole Riding “Baby, I’m serious. Please don’t go to the club tonight,” Chad said trying to keep the worry out of his voice. Kevin pulled back and looked up at Chad. The playful smile slipped from his face. “Chad, what’s going on? What aren’t you telling me?” “I just don’t think you should go in.” There. He didn’t say ‘no reason’ or ‘nothing’ so he didn’t really lie. Kevin shook his head. “No. You know something. Tell me.” Chad let go of Kevin and rolled onto his back, staring up at the ceiling. Kevin climbed on top of him. Straddling his hips and leaning over so Chad would have to look at him. Chad tried to look away. Kevin cupped his chin so he couldn’t turn away. He wanted to tell Kevin. He did. Even though he knew he could get into a lot of trouble if it was found out that he told. “Fine. If you aren’t going to tell me, then I need to get ready for work.” Kevin climbed over Chad and started to stand next to the bed. Chad grabbed his wrist. “Please, just trust me. You don’t want to be there tonight.” Chad’s eyes were pleading. Kevin sat on the edge of the bed facing Chad who was now sitting up. “Just tell me one thing. Please.” Chad nodded. “Is it going to be a huge mess?” Chad nodded again. “Oh, God. I have to call Casey.” Kevin got up and started walking towards his pants to retrieve his cell phone. Chad shot off the bed. “Whoa! Wait. Who’s Casey?” Kevin turned towards him. “He’s a boy I found living in the alley behind my apartment building two and a half years ago. He got his G.E.D. shortly after I let him start staying with me. He’s been going to work with me and he’s been working as 209

Ryan St. James something like a janitor, I guess. He picks up the dressing room and makes sure the mini fridge is stocked with water and stuff like that. He doesn’t go on the main floor and he doesn’t dance. The problem is Casey won’t be eighteen for another four months. I have to warn him.” Kevin went for his phone again. “You can’t. You aren’t even supposed to know. How can you be warning people about something you shouldn’t know about?” Kevin’s face hardened. He pointed a finger at Chad. “Don’t. I’ve been taking care of that boy for damn near three years. You are not going to walk into my life for all of three days and think I’m going to choose you over someone I consider the equivalent to my own son. It won’t happen!” Chad grabbed Kevin’s wrist again, pulling him into his chest. He wrapped his arms tightly around him holding him still. “I’m sorry,” Chad whispered. “I didn’t know. Call him. Just tell him not to go in.” Kevin grinned, finally hugging Chad back. “Thank you.” Kevin tried to turn and go for his phone again. Chad held tight. Laughing, Kevin turned back to face him. “So if we stay together, be a family, does that mean we have like, a baby?” Chad grinned. “He’s hardly a baby. Like I said, he’s almost eighteen. Why? You want children?” Chad blushed. “Yeah. I’ve always wanted to be a dad.” “Wow. Well we’ll talk about it. But, right now, I have to call Casey. Do you care if I have him come here?” “No. That’s fine. I’ll have to leave for work but you’re both welcome to stay and wait for me to get back.” Kevin hugged Chad once more, pecked him on the lips, then walked out of the bedroom while dialing his phone. About forty-five minutes later the doorbell rang. Chad had just gotten out of the shower and was still wrapped in a fluffy 210

Pole Riding blue towel. He thought Kevin would have got it but after hearing the ring again he went to open the door himself. Standing at the door looking very nervous was a small kid. No taller than five foot, with shaggy, dirty blond hair with the biggest brown eyes Chad had ever seen. He was a beautiful young boy. He knew that Kevin said Casey was seventeen but he really didn’t look much older than fourteen. When Casey took one look at Chad, wet hair, beads of water running down his chest, standing in a towel, his eyes rounded. He appeared about to run. “Hi. You must be Casey.” Chad tried to sound harmless but he knew his deep voice sometimes put people off. The boy just nodded. “Come on in. Kevin is around here somewhere.” As Chad moved aside so Casey could pass he noticed the kid had a backpack on his back, he was also holding a duffel bag and a reusable grocery bag. Chad followed Casey through the living room and into the kitchen. They walked up behind Kevin who was dancing around in a t-shirt, basketball shorts and ankle socks. Chad heard a small giggle from Casey as Kevin spun around with a yelp of surprise. Pulling out the ear-buds from his Ipod, Kevin set the Ipod on the counter and all but ran to Casey. He threw his arms around the small kid. “Hey little man. You okay?” Casey nodded. Backing out of the hug, Casey handed Kevin the duffel bag then set the fabric grocery bag on the kitchen island counter. “Casey, this is Chad. Chad, this is Casey.” “Hello.” Casey’s voice sounded so small. He was standing with his arms tucked into himself. It only made him look more petite. “Hi, Casey. It’s nice to meet you.” Chad might have tried to shake his hand if he didn’t think the kid would crawl under the counter to get away. “Well, I have to work so I better get dressed.” With that Chad left them. 211

Ryan St. James “Ooh, what’s in the bag?” Kevin peeked into the shopping bag. “Oh, are you going to cook for me?” Casey smiled. “I was thinking about it.” Kevin watched Casey pull zucchinis, green, yellow, and red, bell peppers, onion, and tomatoes out of the bag. “Oh my, are you making faux pasta again?” Kevin asked grinning. “Yeah, I know it’s your favorite.” Casey smiled. “Great. We can have dinner, then watch some TV ‘til Chad gets home from work. Maybe we can make some popcorn too.” “You two have big plans tonight?” Chad asked as he entered the kitchen. “Yes. We’re going to have dinner, and watch TV ‘til you get home. Then maybe you’ll fill us in on your big secret.” Kevin winked at Chad. “What are you making?” Chad eyed the veggies on the counter while dodging the question. “We’re having faux pasta with tomatoes and peppers. And no. No meat. Casey is vegetarian.” “So, no meat?” Chad looked like he’s never heard anything so absurd. “No, Chad. No meat. Casey’s stomach can’t digest the meat very well and it gives him a stomach ache,” Kevin explained. “I am still here you know,” Casey reminded them quietly. Both Kevin and Chad turned to glance at Casey as if they had forgotten he was there. Kevin wrapped his arms around Casey, kissing the top of his head. “I’m sorry, honey. You’re so quiet I sometimes forget you are still here.” “Sorry, Casey. I didn’t mean to make you feel ignored.” Chad looked sheepish. “It’s okay. It happens all the time.” Casey shrugged. “Alright. I have to get going. I’ll see you both later.” Kevin let go of Casey and took Chad in his arms. Chad connected to Kevin’s lips, nibbling and sucking his tongue. 212

Pole Riding Pulling him tighter against his chest, Chad’s hands started roaming, squeezing Kevin’s ass cheeks causing them both to moan. God, Chad couldn’t wait to get home tonight. He needed Kevin naked, squirming underneath him while he pounded that pretty ass. He could still remember the taste of Kevin’s tiny hole. Dark and pleasantly musky. Nothing tasted better. Chad could feel himself bone up. He pressed his cock against Kevin’s crotch and found him erect as well. Kevin moaned in Chad’s mouth, rubbing his tool through the layers of fabric trying to get closer. Chad walked them backwards up against the counter. He lifted Kevin to sit. Kevin wrapped his legs around Chad’s waist, humping his bulging crotch, chest heaving, while eating at his lips. They broke apart startled hearing a throat clear. Casey said as they turned to see him leaving the room, “I’m going to go watch TV.” Staring back at each other, Chad rubbed the nape of Kevin’s neck. “We’re going to have to put a bell on that kid.” Having changed clothes, Kevin in sweats and a t-shirt, Casey in basketball shorts and a t-shirt, Kevin splayed across the couch while Casey lay on the floor with a pillow in front of the TV. “You want some more popcorn?” Kevin gestured towards the bowl. “No, thanks. I’m stuffed.” “That was an awful movie. Next time we should just pick a DVD to watch,” Kevin said laughing. “Oh, I know. It’s weird. I liked The Wraith when I was little, but it seems so different now. Nothing like I remember it being.” “Well the news is getting ready to start. I’ll turn it on.” Kevin picked up the remote, flipping the channels to get to the news station. Standing, Kevin asked, “I’m going to get some more water. Do you want anything?” “Um, sure. Water’s good.” Casey didn’t move, his eyes just stayed on the television screen. 213

Ryan St. James “Teenagers,” Kevin muttered, knowing Casey wasn’t really listening and he was just talking to himself. Kevin opened the refrigerator and pulled out two bottles of water. “Kevin! Hurry! It’s the club!” Casey shouted. Kevin didn’t think he’d ever heard Casey shout. Damn. This is bad. Kevin ran back into the living room. “What? What’s going on?” Casey just pointed to the television. An overweight blond filled the screen. She wore too much make-up and her dark blue suit was too tight. “I’m on the scene at Pole King, an all male strip club, where several arrests have been made. Police say club owner, Derek Hennessy allowed prostitution in the establishment, as well as hired underage workers. No word yet on whether the underage boys were hired as sex workers. More on this story as the case unfolds. Theresa Sikes here for Channel Nine News.” Casey turned back to Kevin in total shock. “Kevin! I could have been arrested! They would have said I was a sex worker!” Casey started to visibly shake. Kevin slipped off the edge of the couch and pulled Casey into his arms. “It’s okay. We weren’t there. Nothing is going to happen to you.” Kevin tried to sound as soothing as possible. He hated knowing Casey was so scared. He rocked the boy in his arms trying to comfort him. “How did Chad know? How did he know to warn us?” Casey looked up with big brown eyes at Kevin. “Huh, I don’t know.” Sliding Casey off his lap onto the couch, Kevin stood and made his way down the hall searching for rooms he hadn’t seen yet. Stepping into a room set up like an office, Kevin studied the space. A lamp and a laptop sat on a desk with papers scattered across it. A framed picture on the wall caught his attention. A group of men dressed in blues- cops. Chad. Oh God. 214

Pole Riding Kevin couldn’t believe he hadn’t told him. Why warn him by telling him to avoid the club tonight but not let him know he was a cop? What would it have changed? Why would it have mattered? Why does it matter now? It matters because Chad lied. Maybe he didn’t deny it, but he lied by omission. Kevin turned and bumped into Casey. He hadn’t even realized Casey had followed him in. “Come on, honey, let’s go home.” He was hurt and confused. He needed some time, and he knew he wouldn’t be able to concentrate once Chad got back. He wanted to be in his own space. “But, I thought we were waiting on Chad?” Casey scrunched up his forehead. “Well, Chad was keeping secrets. I think we should go home.” Kevin walked back to the living room to get their stuff. “What’s wrong, Kev?” Casey asked, following along. “Chad didn’t tell us he was a cop. That’s important information to keep from us, don’t you think?” Kevin heard Casey gasp. “A cop. Oh, we should go. I don’t want to be here when he gets back. I think it would be best if we went home. I’ll feel better at home.” Casey was franticly picking up his stuff and putting his empty water bottle in the recycling bin. Kevin grabbed Casey’s arm catching him as he sped by. “Sweetie, what’s wrong? Why are you so scared?” “Cops aren’t very nice. I don’t want to be around a cop. I wanna go home.” The kid was starting to shake as his eyes were filling with moisture. Kevin knew he didn’t have time to get to the bottom of this now. But as soon as they got home he was going to have to talk to Casey. Why would the boy be so afraid of cops? And why would he think cops weren’t nice? “Got your stuff?” Kevin was already on his way to the front door. “Yeah. I’m ready.” 215

Ryan St. James As Kevin reached for the door handle he heard a key being pushed into the lock. As the door opened Casey screamed and tried to crab crawl up the steps behind him. Chad walked in, eyes wide, showing his confusion. Kevin scrambled up the stairs getting a hold of Casey and pulling him into his arms, rocking and shushing him. “It’s okay. It’s okay, Casey. Shh, it’s okay. He’s not going to hurt you. You’re okay.” Kevin looked back at Chad. “Where can I take him?” Chad pointed toward the hall, still looking confused. “Bedroom.” Kevin took Casey to the bedroom. Chad waited on the couch for his return. He had never seen anything like that. Casey was fine when he left, maybe overly shy, but just fine. Seeing the terror in the kid’s face as he screamed and tried to get away was shocking to say the least. Chad looked up as Kevin came down the hall alone. Sitting on the opposite side of the sofa Kevin said, “He’s asleep.” Kevin hardly looked at him. “What’s going on? What was that all about?” Chad leaned forward with his elbows on his knees. “After the news was over, Casey asked how you knew we shouldn’t have been at the club tonight. We got to looking around and saw the picture in your office. Casey freaked. I didn’t know why at the time but we were leaving to go home when you got here.” “I’m sorry. I wanted to tell you. But if I had told you that I was a cop you would have known what was going to happen at the club tonight and I couldn’t have that.” Chad pinched the bridge of his nose. “Is he okay?” “I think so. He said that after his parents died he was put in foster care. The family he was placed with seemed completely normal. But the father was a cop and he molested Casey. When Casey tried to tell his teacher at school, he was told to stop lying, that he was just some foster care brat and he was just trying to get a good man in trouble. The teacher then told the 216

Pole Riding family what Casey said and that night he was beaten with a baton.” Tears poured down Kevin’s cheeks. His face was splotchy, lips puffy from crying. Chad needed to hold him. So he did. He slid over, grabbed Kevin and pulled him onto his lap. Chad was seething. How could a cop do that to a little boy? Cops were supposed to help and protect people. Especially kids. “I’ll kill that son-of-a-bitch,” Chad said through his teeth. Kevin shook his head. “No need. Shortly after Casey ran away, the cop, John something or other, was in a motorcycle accident. A tractor trailer didn’t see him and ran him off the road. He’s dead.” As much a Chad thought the bastard got what he deserved, he still felt bad for the guy’s family. “Poor Casey.” Chad squeezed Kevin’s waist. “How’s he ever going to trust me? I was going to ask you both to move in. I kept thinking all night about how we could be a family. I know it’s soon but I really want you guys here. With me.” Chad kissed Kevin’s jaw, cheeks, and eyelids. “Really? You want us to stay with you? Live here?” Kevin breathed, kissing him back. “Yeah. Casey could have his own room. Do whatever he wanted to with it. He could teach us how to cook. We could take care of him together, love him. I know we can’t change what happened to him, but we can try to heal his hurt.” Chad hadn’t wanted anything as much as he wanted Kevin and Casey to move in with him and become a family. Their kisses were getting hotter, more passionate. Chad sucked Kevin’s mouth, nipped his lips, trying to taste it all. “Are you telling the truth?” asked a timid voice. Pulling apart, Chad and Kevin turned to see Casey, shuffling one socked foot across the carpet. “Jesus, you need a bell.” Chad smiled. “Yes. I mean it. I would never hurt you, Casey. I’ve fallen in love with Kevin. He sees you as his son. I want you to be our son. If that’s okay with you.” Tears fell from Casey’s eyes, down his cheeks leaving little wet spots on his t-shirt. He climbed onto Kevin’s lap, who was 217

Ryan St. James still on Chad’s lap. Chad didn’t mind, he just wrapped his arms around them both and thanked his lucky stars that he finally had his own family.

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Epilogue Kevin tossed his duffle bag on the floor after closing the front door. The women in his Friday class wore him out asking to be shown moves he hadn’t yet taught them. It was great. He loved teaching and had even started thinking about opening his own studio closer to home. Home was now with Chad and Casey. Casey had started seeing a counselor to help him deal with what happened to him. He had also turned eighteen and gotten a job working at a diner. Both his ‘dad’s’ couldn’t be prouder. Kevin noticed Chad’s patrol car parked in the driveway when he got home. But oddly enough the house was quiet. He made his way to the bedroom and opened the door. He needed a shower, his sweat-soaked shirt was sticking to his back and chest. To his surprise Chad was sitting at the foot of the bed leaning back on his elbows. “Look what I got for you.” Chad gave a demonic grin. Chad had installed a shiny pole right in the middle of the bedroom. Chad pointed the remote control, Kevin hadn’t even known he had, at the stereo. The room filled with a sensuous beat. Kevin could stop himself. He started to sway his hips. “What about Casey?” “He’s working ‘til nine,” Chad answered, licking his lips. “So I thought you would pole ride,” Chad gestured to the pole. “Then I thought maybe you could pole ride.” Chad opened his

 

Ryan St. James pants, parted the fabric, pulled his cock out of the confines of his boxers and started stroking lightly. Kevin stripped off his shirt and threw it at Chad as he moved to the pole. Chad put the shirt to his nose, breathing deeply. He moaned. “Fuck. You smell good.” Pre-cum oozed from his slit. Kevin spun, shook his hips, grinned and shimmied, all while undressing. When he was totally nude, he climbed the pole and held himself upside down with his legs. “Come here. I want to taste your cock.” Chad approached the pole, his erection level with Kevin’s face. As he felt Kevin leaving wet kisses over is plum shaped head, he engulfed Kevin’s prick causing him to shiver and moan. Kevin quickly sucked on Chad’s length, paying close attention to the slit and the bunch of nerves under the head. Chad grunted and squeezed Kevin’s hips. Kevin tried to hump Chad’s face causing him to slip. Chad jerked off Kevin’s cock. “Come on. Let’s move to the bed. I would hate to have to explain to a trauma nurse what we were doing.” Kevin giggled and climbed down. Once on the bed, Chad rolled Kevin face down and parted his cheeks. Chad licked up and down his crevice then worked his tongue into Kevin’s little pink hole. He stabbed in and out like a tiny wet cock. Kevin moaned and bucked his ass back on Chad’s face. Kevin reached down and grabbed his cock. Chad knocked his hand away. “Not yet, baby. You jack your dick and you’ll shoot like fireworks on the Fourth.” Chad sucked his fingers then pushed two inside Kevin’s ass, making him squirm and buck harder. “Oh God, Chad! Fuck me! Fuck me, please, Chad! Hard! Oh God. Fuck me hard!” Kevin howled and begged. Chad let go and flopped on his back on the bed, handing the small bottle of lube to Kevin who climbed on to straddle Chad’s hips. Kevin smeared lube on his hole then jacked Chad a few times to cover is cock. “Better stop that baby, you’ll make me shoot,” Chad warned. 220

Pole Riding Kevin let go and squatted down, feeling Chad’s cock kiss his opening. Slowly lowering himself, Kevin started rocking, moaning and crying out when the hard rod slid over is prostate. Finally seated, Kevin started bouncing like he was on a pogo-stick. “Fuck, Kevin, you’re beautiful. I’m the luckiest asshole in the world.” Chad gasped. “No. I’ve got the luckiest asshole in the world.” Kevin giggled. Chad swatted him on the butt, causing Kevin to squeal. “Cheeky bastard.” Chad laughed. Kevin picked up speed, fucking himself with Chad’s cock. The sound of their skin slapping together, the sweat rolling down his spine sent Kevin over the edge. He cried out, screaming Chad’s name. Chad squeezed Kevin’s hips, thrusting up into him hard, he came, grunting Kevin’s name as well. Kevin dropped down on top of Chad’s chest. Chad brushed the hair back off Kevin’s forehead, gently kissing his lips. “That was one hell of a ride.” “It was.” Kevin smiled. “I love you, Chad.” “I love you too.” “Hey guys, I’m ho... oh!” Casey slammed the door closed. “Sorry,” he said through the door. Chad rolled his eyes. “That boy really needs a bell.” The End

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About the Author Ryan St. James grew up in a small town in the Midwest. He's been writing m/m stories since he was in high school an unmentioned number of years ago. When not checking out cowboy butts, Ryan can usually be found writing in his spare time. You can contact Ryan at [email protected].

 

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