Invisible Husband

Invisible Husband Coco Pulliam Copyright © November 2010, Coco Pulliam Cover art by Anastasia Rabiyah © November 2010 ISBN 978-1-936110-89-6 This is a work of fiction. All characters and events portrayed in this novel are fictitious or used fictitiously. All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this book, or portions thereof, in any form. Sugar and Spice Press North Carolina, USA www.sugarnspicepress.com

Prologue Maria being late isn‟t out of the ordinary, Eric Coyer thought. But the hope of his bride appearing before him was disappearing with the sunlight. He had been at St. Edward‟s Church much too early for the wedding— at least much earlier than was necessary. He had never been an early bird in his life. Rooming with his best friend and best man, Thomas Grainger, had ensured that his last night as a bachelor would be filled with partying and snoring loud enough to have a number on the Richter scale. But once everything quieted down, Eric had been left to his thoughts. It was something he had been avoiding for the entire night. He knew being someone‟s husband was more than the simple act of saying, “I do.” However, the magnitude hadn‟t quite hit him until that moment. He was going to be in charge of her well-being, the father of their children, the man to hold her close in his arms until death. It was a lot to take in. But he still managed to do it. Even before the first rays of sunlight peeked through the white hotel-room curtains, Eric was dressed and ready to be a husband… Or at least he was dressed well for the part. He checked himself in the bathroom mirror. His short blond hair was combed down while his green eyes showed a little redness around the edges. His suit was tight on his lean body, especially the pants, but he still looked like a model on a GQ cover. Maria had bought and chosen the suits for him and his groomsmen for that reason. Walking back to the bedroom, he looked down at Thomas, who was sleeping peacefully, and smiled. After carefully taking off his jacket and resting it on a chair, he walked over to his friend. He bent down on his knees, getting ready to jump. “One... Two… Three…”

He jumped and landed on his best man in a football pile-on. “Wake up, sleeping beauty!” Thomas pushed him off the bed as soon as he woke up enough to understand what was happening. Eric‟s good mood didn‟t dampen as he waited for his friend to get ready, though the other man had promised him a broken nose after the wedding pictures. However, once they had gotten into his car to drive toward the church, his pleasant mood started to evaporate. The closer they got to the church, the more the dark feeling infested his body. It only stopped once it covered his entire self, from his feet on the pedals, up into the fingertips that controlled the car. The feeling intensified yet again as he walked toward the church. It was a familiar emotion, but he couldn‟t place it until he had touched his forehead to the holy water at the entrance doors. He felt like he was going to a funeral. Not that he could tell from the decorations. Red and white rose petals lined the main aisle, with white ribbons ties on each of the pews. All of his friends had flown into Toronto, even those from as far as Scotland, while Maria‟s friends came down all the way from South America to see the wedding. Everyone was seated, looking toward the door, while Eric took in the scenery. Everything was done to perfection as Maria had wanted it. Even six hours later, when all of the guests had apologized to the stunned groom and left, everything still looked magical. It still looked like a wedding was about to happen at any time. The only thing wrong was the scattered roses; Maria would most likely complain about them. Eric was trying to fix the roses when a tired Thomas came up to him. “No one can find her in the hotel, Eric…she‟s not coming.” His friend put his hand on his shoulder to bring him up from the floor. But Eric was still on the floor picking up roses. Other than the priest, who had been persuaded by God and overtime money, no one else had stayed with him. Even his parents had left, angrily cursing Maria and her ancestors for ruining their son in front of so many people. Thomas hauled Eric up to his feet with the rest of his strength. Once he found the other man‟s eyes, he shook him.

“She‟s gone, man. She‟s…” Thomas trailed off as water pooled in his eyes. He took his hands off his friend and put them in his pockets instead. Eric looked toward the altar, feeling like collapsing, but instead he shook his head. The clothing on his body was the only thing paid for in full; the rest of the wedding would be on his next few paychecks. Maria had planned the whole production and singlehandedly gotten him to propose to her after three years of dating. And somehow she had found it in herself not to come. “Should we just go out somewhere and drink?” Eric offered weakly. **** Tammy Fraise couldn‟t summon any fury for the scorn she‟d received hours previous. She could only manage enough strength to nurse the drink she had ordered at the Six bar and lounge after she had taken the fastest taxi to the sparsely lit place. Fury had eluded her for the past three hours and counting as she reinvented the definition of drunk. Her skinny white dress straps had almost fallen off her dark brown shoulders, but she didn‟t care to replace them. No one in the place was looking at her. Not in a sexy way. Over the speakers, a slow blues song played. She couldn‟t remember the name of it but could feel the lyrics vibrating over her body and pulling at her memory. It was her and her college boyfriend‟s third anniversary. He had graduated last year from college and told her to wait for him as he got ready to take his Masters in France. She‟d thought he needed time to buy her wedding ring, not drag a knife over her heart by moving on to another girl. The bartender looked over at her with a small smile. He had been throwing worried glances over to her for the last hour, but she didn‟t look up to meet them. She didn‟t need anyone pitying her. “Keep pouring drinks into my glass, Jason. Once the glass gets half empty I want you to start pouring. It doesn‟t matter which drink you put in. As long as I‟m paying, you can experiment all you want.” Tammy gave the bewildered man a bright smile.

It wasn‟t her first fake smile of the night, but it worked better than the last one. She had gotten ready for hours at the beauty salon, straightening away her curls so her hair would be the way her boyfriend Marcus liked, and waited at their favorite restaurant for him. But once he had appeared in the place, her eyes had gone crisscrossed at the sight of him with a woman who might have had been albino for all the melanin she had in her skin. Tammy knew Marcus‟s mother had a little trouble with the dark color of her skin, but she hadn‟t thought he would agree. She could only listen to half of the wedding invitation before she ran out of the restaurant and into her car. Moments later, she found herself in a bar she had frequented with friends that she once would have lived and died for. When she had gotten together with Marcus, however, that closeness had disappeared. The bartender still knew her name and still watched her the same way he did when she had first come. But now it was more with anxiety than with amusement. “I‟m not serving you any more drinks tonight, Tammy. Let me just call a friend to pick you up. What was the blonde‟s name again? Christina?” Tammy hiccupped. She patted her chest to keep the sobs from climbing up her throat. “I don‟t talk to any of them anymore!” she yelled. Tammy knew she was getting too loud, but she couldn‟t hold herself back. She wanted to climb over the bar table and drown herself in all of the alcohol. She had focused her entire life on her future with Marcus. No matter how insignificant his promises had been to him, she had weighted them all, every syllable precious, every single sentence repeated to the point of nausea. Now that it was taken away from her, she didn‟t have anything or anyone to grab onto. Jason reached over the stool for her purse. As he emptied the contents of it on the table, she rolled her eyes in a tired manner. “Now I‟m going to be robbed on top of everything.” “I‟m looking for your phone,” Jason said. He looked more harassed than worried at this point. More people had been looking over in Tammy‟s

direction, wondering what was going on with the lone woman at the bar. “Someone needs to come and get you.” Tammy couldn‟t focus on his words. She had rested her hands on the bar and looked at the top of his head. He was an attractive Indian man with a shiny shaved head. Even in the dim lights of the bar, she wanted to see herself in that silly drunken way—she wanted to know for sure how far she had fallen. “What‟s with all of these sad songs? Put on some dancing music!” a voice called. She turned to see a white man walk up to the bar in a suit. He already looked drunk, though the loudness could just stem from his personality. He met her eyes and gave her a wink before turning his attention back to Jason. “Hey! We just came from a wedding that didn‟t happen. The bride left my drunken buddy here at the altar. Can we can have some free drinks on the house?” Tammy thought she would be safe once the men started talking, but Jason nodded his head and turned to the drinks. The man with the build of a football player pulled up a seat right next to her. His thigh pressed against hers as he sat. “Hey darling, why are you drinking all by your lonesome? Are you waiting for a gentleman to offer to walk you home?” She didn‟t have to turn around to see the cheesy smile on his face. Years of women throwing themselves in front of him must have solidified his lame pick-up lines. But she wondered if his looks compensated for anything else…as she looked him up and down. There was no mistaking that he wouldn‟t charm her into his bed with his words, but his smile was laced with a promise that he could make her come until the bed broke. If only she was single by choice and not by hostile takeover…then she would be curious enough to take him up on his offer. “I don‟t need a man, sorry.” She turned back to her drink, but he wrapped a heavy arm around her shoulder. “Darling, don‟t tell me you‟re not into vanilla. I just want to put some crème in your delicious coffee, love.”

Before she could respond with words that would feel like a smack down, he was dragged away from her. Tammy looked behind her to see a blond man who looked worse for wear. He had bags under his eyes and his skin was ghostly pale. So that‟s what it looks like to be stood up at a wedding, Tammy thought. “Tommy, shut up, you‟re completely drunk. How do I know? You have to be drunk to say such a crappy pick-up line.” He turned to Tammy with a small smile. She recognized her own fake happiness mirrored in his face and patted her chest to keep the sobs down again. “Excuse my friend. He doesn‟t know what political correctness is. Not even how to spell it.” Jason came back with two drinks: one for Tammy, after giving a dark look at the flirting man who now sat two seats away from her, and one for the groom. She watched as the blond man downed a full glass of whiskey in one shot and almost smiled for real. “You need this more than me.” She passed her drink to the blond man. “Love fucking sucks.” Somehow her lips found their way to his cheek. There was light stubble on it that tickled her as she backed away from him. Before she knew it a smile had broken out on her face—a real one. But as soon as it had happened, the smile disappeared while the feeling in her chest tightened. Tammy turned to gather her bag and her items on the table. “Thanks, Jas, but I don‟t need anyone to pick me up.” She dropped money on the table and turned immediately. She was too busy to notice the fact that someone had slipped her money back into her open bag and replaced it with his own, because she had knocked into her younger halfsister. The other woman was in her pajamas, a loose T-shirt dress and leather jacket over them. The woman‟s caramel skin was washed in a deep red. “Tammy Fraise! What‟s the point of coming out in public to shame yourself when you can come over and drink soju in private?” Monica was three months younger than her but acted like a mother to the more reserved Tammy…well, reserved in all moments aside from this one. Tammy relented as her arm was grabbed and she was pulled out of

the bar. She could feel the tightness in her chest releasing as she walked away. But her white dress was wet. Raising her hands to her face, she finally noticed her tears. “How could he?” Tammy cried out. She was shaking but she couldn‟t stop. She leaned into Monica as the night air hit her face. She understood in that moment why she had given the blond man her drink. Though Marcus had broken her heart in that moment, it was better that it was now and not during the wedding she had been anticipating with him. But even so, she was still hurting. Though people were passing them in the parking lot with worried looks and concerned questions, she didn‟t want anyone to see her. She didn‟t want to disillusion anyone else with the truth. She wanted them to find out on their own how much love fucking sucks.

Chapter One “Only one more year of this and I‟m done,” Eric whispered to himself. Though it had been three years since Maria stood him up at the altar, it had taken everything in his power to keep sane. But it hadn‟t helped. There was no moment in the day where he felt comfortable with his current life. He would always slip back into thinking about Maria and where she was and how she was doing. He had almost gotten over her last year, but he had finally gotten a phone call from her parents. They had assured him that she was fine; they just didn‟t know her exact location. That had given him too much hope for her return. He figured that if they couldn‟t locate her, then maybe she was trying to get herself straightened up before coming back to him. So he returned to St. Edward‟s church every year to see if she would somehow find her way there to him. Thomas had dropped his job as his best man after what happened last year. The phone call from her parents had come before he went to the church to meet her on their wedding anniversary… But when she hadn‟t shown up, Eric had broken down. At the end Thomas cited mental anguish beyond the duty of friendship as his reason for leaving. He promised to offer his services as a police officer if he wanted to press charges or send someone after Maria. “Don‟t worry, man. If it‟s illegal, I‟ll make it legal,” Thomas assured him. Eric had refused any of Thomas‟s “services,” though he had allowed him to drop the role of best man at his wedding-in-waiting. He didn‟t need anyone there but a priest who was guaranteed by God and a third year of overtime to be there with him. This year he couldn‟t afford to decorate the place, but it was January twenty-eighth and he was there to get married.

It was now past noon, their original wedding time and, like the previous years, Maria hadn‟t shown up. During this time last year, he had been bawling while Thomas held onto him. Now he was just filled with anger instead of sadness. He couldn‟t believe their relationship had meant so little to her. That it was something she could turn her back on so easily. He was falling apart thinking about the future. He couldn‟t imagine one where he had to be alone. “Are you sure you want to wait until midnight again, my son?” Father Logan was sitting in the first pews watching the time. The priest had gotten comfortable with his role of collecting more money for the church by waiting to perform a nonexistent wedding. Eric nodded. He had gotten past the point of waiting for Maria to come back to him. He was a single thirty-four-year-old man who owned his own home and had a steady professional job. He would be married by the end of the day. He knew it. “A wedding is going to happen today. I‟m sure of it. One way or another I‟m going to—” A small creak in the door cut off his words. Eric looked at it with a pounding heart. His words had come out as an answered prayer in the church. He couldn‟t run away now. The next woman to walk through that door would be offered the proposal of a lifetime. **** “Just walk one foot in front of another until you get there…” Tammy coached herself under her breath, though she knew courage wouldn‟t come to her at the moment. Ignoring the pounding of her nerves, she walked down the aisle in a white dress. Attire which would be completely appropriate if the wedding day was hers. After years of crying Marcus out of her heart, he had pushed himself back into it again by sending an invitation to his wedding. For the past six months, the date had been etched into her mind, messing up her sleeping patterns. The moment she had seen his new girlfriend the truth had come to her. Marcus had broken up with her because he couldn‟t see himself

having children with a woman…so dark. He blamed the way his mother raised him. He gave excuses of being bullied in school and not wanting his children to go through the same thing. But she could see through his lies. He just saw light skin as beautiful and darker skin as ugly. It didn‟t matter how dark his own skin tone was…her skin color was just overkill for him. Tammy finally took a seat in an aisle pew. Her eyes traveled to the front of the room toward the bride. The other woman was beautiful, of course, and looked like she was half of everything but black. Marcus looked adoringly down at her. Tammy let her mind drift to the people around her. She could heard them cussing under their breaths at her for wearing a white dress. Rolling her eyes, she smiled insolently back at them. The bride had taken her place with Marcus, so wearing white made things even. A light beeping sounded from within her purse. She opened it to reveal more beeping. People started to cuss louder around her. She ignored them and reached into her purse for her phone. “Get out of the church and come outside. You know our family doesn‟t step inside those walls until we have sinned properly first,” said Monica. Tammy sighed. She couldn‟t keep anything from the other woman‟s knowledge. “I‟m not leaving. I need to see them get married so I can move on. I‟m hanging up.” She put her phone back in her purse, answering more glares with another charming smile. Closure was the only reason she could allow herself to face such embarrassment. She wanted to be able to peel his existence away from her memories. There could be no thoughts of seeing him anymore if every time she thought of him, a happily married man and woman came into view. The picture would be framed nicely without her. “Excuse me; have you seen my stupid sister? She came in here by mistake.”

Tammy could hear Monica‟s voice from the other side of the church as she tried her best to whisper. She turned around and caught her sister‟s eye. Giving up was the only way. There would be more noise made if she tried to hide under the pews. “My insane darling, let‟s go right now.” Monica grabbed her under the armpit to pull her away as the oblivious couple finished reciting their vows. Tammy stopped mid-step, entranced. “Do you even have eyes to watch this scene?” “This is what it feels like to lose someone completely…” she whispered. Exhaling roughly and inhaling the same way, she tried to keep herself under control as they kissed. She covered her mouth before a sob could break through. Pushing herself out of the aisle, she ran to the back of the room and then out a side door. “Now you feel it?!” Monica chased after her into the dark hallway. “It‟s a regular maze in here. Can we get out of here before one of us mistakenly gets married?” Tammy couldn‟t hear her sister. Her legs were completely numb, and she couldn‟t stop the flow of tears coming from her eyes, so she let them fall freely. The Strong Black Woman angle never appealed much to her. “Just go back to work. I‟ll go home on my own,” she said. Though she was well adjusted to her vulnerable side, she really couldn‟t break down to a schedule. The other woman rolled her eyes. “Fine, but don‟t do anything I‟ll have to clean up later.” Tammy watched as her sister walked away, though she could hardly raise her head. Without a way to make things right, Monica wasn‟t the only one who felt like a failure. Coming to watch the wedding was a mistake that she couldn‟t admit out loud. She got up, using the wall as leverage. Catholic churches had been a part of her childhood until her confirmation service. Looking down the hallway, she saw that lit candles framed the last door. Though it looked like a closed part of the church, she walked toward it. It was probably a place for priests to pray in private. Her hand tightened around the door. Though she didn‟t know whether she could be disturbing someone, she

didn‟t care at the moment. Right now, she just wanted to find something to hold on to. The door opened to a well-lit room. Immediately her eyes took in the splendor of the glass-stained ceiling. At first, she didn‟t realize she wasn‟t the only one in the room. But at the clearing of a voice, her eyes reached the altar. Someone stood beside a priest. “Sorry… I didn‟t mean to disturb you guys. I‟ll be leaving.” She made to turn around but could hear fast footsteps coming towards her. Looking back, she saw someone who had been on the fringe of her mind each time she drove past Six bar and lounge on her way home. “What are you doing here?” It was the same blond man who she had kissed on the worst day of her life. Well, now the second-worst day. He looked different now. Though he was over six feet, there was a slump to his shoulders that wasn‟t there before. His cheeks looked hollow, his thin face pale; his blonde hair was tipped with gray, and as she looked into his green eyes he looked as tired inside as she felt. She gulped, feeling another sob coming out. She couldn‟t help the need to reach out. Her hand raised her in the air, almost about to touch him, then dropped when she realized what she was doing. But he picked it up before she could pull away. He squeezed her hand gently enough for her to break down. “Oh…oh, I‟m so sorry.” He let her fall against him and pulled her close. Tammy cried, not caring how she looked, and clutched onto his jacket. “It hurts so much. I can‟t watch him w-w-walk away from me anymore. I-I don‟t want to b-b-be alone.” She sniffed and he held her even closer. “I‟ll take care of you.” **** It had been seventy-two hours. Seventy-two hours since Eric Coyer had married Tammy Fraise. Well, Tammy Fraise Coyer, according to their

brand-new marriage license. For three days he had been waiting for the other shoe to drop. After the impromptu wedding, both of them had gone back to his cottage and spent the weekend together. Throughout the weekend, he had seen her phone ringing, but she hadn‟t answered it once. He couldn‟t figure out if her discomfort came from being uncomfortable having him around. Instead of asking her, he had set up his bedroom for her and made himself comfortable on the couch. Both nights, he‟d heard her footsteps in the corridor. She had crawled onto the couch beside him, his pajama shirt on her body along with panties, no bra. He pulled her toward him, molding his body against hers, and didn‟t sleep for the rest of the night. In the middle of making breakfast that Sunday, Tammy came in to attack the pink elephant in the room. “Are you regretting that we got married yet?” “What—?” He turned too quick, almost burning himself on the scrambled eggs. He turned off the gas and plated the eggs. Walking over to the table, he put the plate down in front of her and walked back to the stove. He couldn‟t guess where the conversation was going to go, no matter how much he looked at her, though it was hard to look for long since she was wearing another one of his shirts with lace panties underneath. On the way to the cottage, he had given her money to buy herself new clothes, but the only thing he had seen her wear from that shopping trip were diverse Victoria‟s-Secret-Fashion-show-style panties. No pajamas. No bras. “Well, we‟ve been married for a few days and you haven‟t tried anything with me yet. Are you not interested?” He watched her as she got up and walked toward him. She wore his shirt, halfway buttoned down. All he needed to do was blow a little in her direction and he would be able to see more of her skin— “Wishing you married a feisty blonde instead?” He couldn‟t help but laugh. Tammy was feisty enough for him. The opposite of any of the blondes he had dated in the past. She was petite but

curvy in all the right places. Her hair, a thick curly black, he couldn‟t help but watch her play with in the bathroom. Her small nose was rounded. It scrunched up as she looked up at him with almond-shaped eyes. “Should I just carry you to the bedroom and introduce you to my feisty blonde side instead?” He put his hands on either side of her body, on her thick hips. The first time he had touched her in a place that wasn‟t her shoulder. His hands were on her ass, caressing her while he lifted her up to touch the place that he wanted to touch most, the place she‟d teased all weekend with her panties and opened shirts. He bent down and kissed her forehead softly and then the tip of her nose. “Tammy, I told you, I‟ll take care of you.” He pulled her closer and felt something wet hit his arm. She pulled away. “I‟m going to go take a little nap before I eat.” Eric watched as Tammy retreated from the room. He groaned as he looked down at his pants. She had left him no choice but to take care of himself first. He went into the bathroom. A few minutes later he found her lying on the bed, facing away from him. He leaned on the doorframe, thinking of how to approach her. “I have to go back to the city for work tomorrow. If you want to stay a little bit longer, I can be back on Thursday to spend the weekend with you then help you move into my place, if you want…” Tammy turned around to look at him, making him stop in the middle of his words. Her face was streaked with tears. When he had thought about what being a good husband meant, three years ago in the hotel room with Tommy, he‟d thought that if his wife ever cried he would be holding her before the first teardrop crossed her eyelashes. At least five streaks were already on Tammy‟s cheeks. Eric moved from the door, slowly trying to get closer to her. He didn‟t know if his closeness would be a comfort or if it would start up more tears.

“Oh, Tammy, baby. You regret everything, don‟t you? If you want an annulment I will give it to you. I‟ll call my lawyer right now and everything will be okay.” She started crying even harder. He rushed over to the bed, pushing aside bed sheets to get to her. He got close enough for her to choose to touch him. She wrapped her arms around his torso. He pulled her into his arms. “You can be a single woman by the end of the day, love, I swear. Just treat this as if is an interesting weekend.” He got the words out, but he felt like letting a tear or two drop himself. He had meant his words when he‟d said, “I‟ll take care of you.” The second she had come into through the doors, he knew he was blessed for enduring those three suicide-inducing years. For all the low moments that he was able to battle through, he had been given an angel. The only catch was that his angel had to fall on the way down from Heaven. She was already broken. He had thought that would be the trade-off of being with her—helping her heal her heart. He hadn‟t considered her having second thoughts. She brought her head up. “Well, Eric, the point is that this wasn‟t on my radar. You weren‟t supposed to be the one.” She stood up on her own, wringing her hands in her lap. “Three days ago, I was watching the guy I thought of as my future husband, my college sweetheart, marry someone else. She‟s a woman he chose over me because of her skin tone—a lighter one. He destroyed me and he‟s still destroying me, so no, I‟m not ready yet to respond to you being tender with me instead of just…acting like you settled for me.” He pulled her back toward him, holding her hands in his to keep her from wringing them. “I‟m just not ready yet to go IKEA and pick out couches or wallpaper. I can deal with fucking the stranger I married, but not lovemaking.” She laid out the situation as she laid her head on his shoulder. Throughout the weekend, he had tried to figure out her new place in his life, without thinking about what it meant for him to be in hers. But he was

still there with her, arms around her waist and chin on top of her head, as she held onto his hands like a kid who‟d just climbed a high tree. Drop to the floor while you‟re still ahead, or pull yourself up even higher? “We don‟t have to do any of that. Just tell me what you want.” He was fully prepared for anything. At least he wanted to say that he was. Letting her go would be the easy part; afterwards he would have to deal with the memoires and loneliness. They were both things that he didn‟t have a coping mechanism against. But at that moment, he wouldn‟t have to go anywhere. He was her foundation. On the bedside table Tammy‟s phone had started ringing. Now it was ringing more violently. She didn‟t seem to notice it. For the whole weekend, she‟d had the same indifferent reaction towards her phone. He hadn‟t pushed the issue, and this didn‟t seem like a good time to push either. “Well, for starters, Hubby Coyer, I want my own closet and softcolored walls for the master bedroom—something lavender.” Eric tried not to smile too much, hearing the new nickname she had given him. “And for sure, I‟ll need a taser for when I go get my stuff. My sister‟s probably camping outside my house right now since I‟m not answering her calls. And when she finds out that I got married, you might be planning a funeral.” He let out one laugh after another. Finally, instead of waiting for her to tell him that she was joking, he looked down at her poker face. She wasn‟t joking. “I know our families are going to be a somewhat shocked, but I don‟t think you‟ll need weapons for them…” Tammy let out her own laugh. She reached for her phone on the coffee table; she searched for her sister‟s messages and read them out loud. “I am about to call 911—where are you?! You‟d better not be stalking that bastard!” “I decided not to call 911 to help you because girl, when you come home you‟re going to need 911 yourself. But they‟re not going to come fast enough—trust me.”

“You‟re a twenty-something-year-old black woman living in Canada. Girl, there is no amber alert waiting for your ass, COME HOME!” Tammy dialed the number for her sister‟s voicemail and left her a message: “I‟m coming home tomorrow. Stop acting dramatic. I‟ve only been gone for three days. Okay, the cell phone is getting turned off now.” The moment the message was sent the phone went off, and Tammy took the batteries out of her phone. Eric stopped her hand before she could put it on the table. “What‟s wrong? You should answer your sister.” She pushed through her hand with her full body strength, not minding the way his fingers brushed her breasts. He brought his hand back to his lap. “It‟s ‟till death do us part‟ and my sister was an English major, so she takes everything literally—so you‟re the next target on her list.” Tammy got up from the bed and went into the open bathroom. Eric watched her as she washed her face. She bent over the sink, her bottom peeking out of her pink panties. He could see his hands on them, caressing her and kissing her head. Questions wanted to pour out of his head, but he kept them inside. Still, he couldn‟t help wondering: where do we go from here? Did we make a mistake that we‟re going to regret for the rest of our lives? Or can we truly live like this and be happy? “You‟re thinking too hard now, Hubby Coyer. And you‟re looking at me too hard as well.” She had given him a cheeky smile. Finally, she looked like she was feeling better. He stretched out his body and put his hands underneath his head. “We have one of those regular and yet sexy Boy Meets Girl stories. We met at a bar years ago, but we had to meet one more time in a church before recognizing our future couple potential. In that moment of galaxygiven clarity, we decided to skip mourning all of our missed dating opportunities and just got married. Don‟t let the years in between that we spent hesitating fool you. We might just be destiny.” She finished with putting on face cream and put herself back into the bed beside him. Her hand landed on his tense shoulder.

“Don‟t worry, my feisty blonde. Everything will be perfect.” **** Tammy had decided to go back into town with her new husband even though he had been adamant that she not go home until she had worked things out with her sister. But he didn‟t know how Monica worked. The woman didn‟t solve problems by talking only. There needed to be a beat down or two or else there could be no forgiveness. It was a baptism of fists: with bruises you are forgiven, beloved. Monica could be avoided in the cottage, but once begun, it was a countdown to the moment of confrontation. Instead of waiting for that moment, she went over to Monica‟s downtown condo, making sure she did so on the same day that the friendly security guard, Rich, was on duty as well. Tammy said a quick greeting to him before going up the elevator and toward death. “Hey, come inside, baby.” Monica looked at her sister with hooded eyes. She was dressed in a long tank and nothing else. Her hair was up in a messy bun instead of neat, straight and sleek like she usually had it. “Don‟t try and hit me when my back is turned,” Tammy said as she moved around her. Monica‟s hands could hardly leave her sides. The place looked like she was cleaning up, but only two small unpacked boxes were on the floor. “I‟m not going to hit you. Your new husband called before you came.” Tammy‟s mouth dropped open. “Eric called you? When?” She dropped into a chair by a box and looked down. Monica was packing new clothing and food. “What are you packing for?” “You just got married; you‟re going to need the things that you have here back and also food for your husband. I know you can‟t cook for crap. And you also need to have bridal things since you didn‟t even have a wedding shower. But of course you had no time to plan things like this during random marriages—”

Tammy watched her sister walking around without recognizing her. She walked slouched over, less sure of herself than usual. “Did you get possessed this weekend or what?” Tammy walked over to her and sat her down. She took out a hair tie and comb from her bag and started to brush out her sister‟s hair. “I‟m finished playing the mature one, the older sister,” Monica said. She shook out her hair and turned to look at Tammy. “I talked to Eric and heard the whole story. You went and got yourself married to a Scottish man, a white man, after watching Marcus marry that other girl. Though he married you impulsively, he‟s not some random drunk who‟s using you for sex. And he has good credit.” She said the last part with a cheeky smile. It had been a childhood promise between the two. Get married to someone with good credit so that if he dies early, he wouldn‟t leave them as desperate as their dad did. Two stepsisters and two mothers with no money, leaning on each other. “I can‟t think of anything to fix this for you because this is the first mistake you‟ve made that I actually agree with.” “No beatings, then?” Tammy turned away to look at the boxes. Monica stretched out her leg and pushed the other woman. “Of course there will be. You got married without me, you didn‟t pick up my phone calls and you didn‟t come with any gifts.” She got up and picked her sister up off the floor. “Was it because he kept you in the bedroom for the whole weekend?” Monica spoke with another cheeky smile. Tammy shook her head shyly. “Don‟t lie to me, girl. Marcus was your first black man. You have been neck deep in vanilla ever since elementary school. Somehow I knew you should have stuck to what you did before when you and Marcus broke up.” Tammy turned around to look at her sister. The look in her face was as playful as her words but still searching. “Anyway, we haven‟t done anything yet.” Her hands encircled the back of a chair before she sat down. “He married you but he doesn‟t want you in that way?!”

“No! He does… I‟m just not ready for this style of…sexing.” “That Scottish boy is too rough? He‟s kinky? He likes wearing your lingerie?” “Oh, lord no! No, he‟s really gentle and kind of…tender. He makes me feel like we married because of love instead of…a lack of it.” Monica kneeled down in front of her sister and held her hands together in her lap. “Ah, I see. He doesn‟t want to fuck you senseless—he wants to make love and give you sex therapy. And instead of giving in to him, you‟re here trying to get beat up by me.” She slapped her sister‟s hands roughly. Tammy pulled back before she could receive any more abuse. “What do you mean?” “You need to go home and start working on giving him a baby. Good men don‟t do things irrationally. They don‟t marry women they barely know. Before he gets any second thoughts, get him sprung off you!” “I can‟t give him a baby like this! I can barely even touch him!” Monica got up and shook her head. She started to pack the boxes quickly. “Did he have someone he was dating before like you did with Marcus?” “Yeah, a fiancée who left him at the altar three years ago—that was why he was in the church. He went there every year to wait for her since she left.” The last box was packed before Monica looked back at Tammy. The whole time she had been packing and swearing, making the other woman worry. “The thing about having a man who loves another woman is that no matter how much he‟s there with you at home, she is always the one in his dreams. Give him something that she can‟t and you‟ll be able to live happily ever after.” She wrapped the final Korean bento box. Monica‟s mother was a Korean woman, while Tammy‟s was Caribbean like their father, so their bento lunchboxes were always filled with foods from both cultures: white rice, black peas, and Korean BBQ, jerk chicken, greens and kimchi.

Everything was mixed in. Monica was the better cook, so she made plenty for her sister. “Take the boxes and make sure to practice your cooking. I‟ll take care of our moms, okay? I‟ll hold off them off, so you just make sure that he fits well between your legs.” Tammy let out a laugh as she took the food. Monica hustled her to the door instead of joining her. “Seriously, this is the last big sister-esque thing I‟m going to tell you, married woman. Another thing about a woman who knows she is a man‟s first love is that she needs the man to keep dreaming about her to feel alive. Once she finds out he has moved on with you…she‟ll be back. Make sure that you have the upper hand when that happens.” She forced Tammy out the door, then leaned over and kissed her on the cheek. “Do you remember that thing Sun Dae and Yi Hee told you to do with Marcus the first time?” Tammy nodded her head shyly. Her sister‟s girlfriends were Koreanborn Japanese sisters, former escorts turned accountant majors whom she‟d met in college. There was never a translated story that didn‟t make her blush. “Then do it with Eric.” The door slammed in Tammy‟s face, leaving her with thoughts of how she would be able to pull off anything that the two sexperts suggest to her. “You have to circle the dick with your tongue. Don‟t suck too easily,” Sun Dae spoke first in a businesslike manner the last time Monica called them for advice. “When you do suck it, only do it for a short time. He needs to feel tortured before he finally gets inside of you. Make sure he knows that you‟ll only focus on him if he keeps you satisfied,” Yi Hee finished in the same professional tone. Tammy rolled her eyes and laughed at the memory before turning on her heel and walking toward the exit.

Chapter Two Numbers were becoming Eric‟s only constant in life. Three years since his fiancée left him. One minute for him to decide to marry Tammy and another thirty seconds for him to work up the courage to propose. Ten months of marriage. And sex an average of three times a week. Unless Tammy was ovulating—then it was three times per day. If someone had told Eric he‟d be having this much sex in his newlywed life, he would have laughed at them and then directed them to a place that wasn‟t in front of his face. Now he really wanted that person to exist so he could find out when his randy wife would leave and his formerly ice-cold wife would come back. So he would know how much time he had left to enjoy. It had begun the moment he‟d come home from work during their third month of marriage. She had been even more distant with him that week, though she took care of him in every other aspect. She prepared food for the both of them even after he told her he could cook every other day. From the moment he came into the house she fussed over him. She took his jacket off to hang up and gave him slippers to change into from his work shoes. From the outside, she looked like she was playing homemaker, but she hardly spoke to him unless he asked her a direct question. “Tammy, what‟s going on with you?” he asked finally instead of: “How are you?” She stopped mid jacket fold. He had come home early, having finished all of his advertising work for the week. The boss said he was throwing work like a machine, which would be good if it wasn‟t freaking out all of his co-workers. They were all waiting for him to finally snap and throw a

chair across the room. Instead of waiting for that to happen, his boss decided to give him an early weekend. Eric figured it was more time to confront his Stepford wife. Tammy focused on his tie. He put his hand under her chin and brought her eyes up to his. “You‟re my wife, not my maid. I appreciate the help, but where did the girl I know go, Tammy? Where‟s the woman who calls me Hubby Coyer? Did you leave her in our honeymoon cottage?” He brought her closer to him tentatively. He remembered how she‟d jumped away the last time he tried to put his hands on her bottom, so he placed his hands on her waist, pulling her toward him. She pushed forward with her hands, making his back hit the top of the kitchen table. “Sorry, Hubby Coyer,” she said finally, more than a “Yes” or “No” or “Fine.” She pushed again, not with her hands but instead her hips, molding hers to his and grinding his cock. He took in a sharp breath, not believing what was happening. “Tammy, I was okay with you wanting to take it slow. I‟m not complaining about the sex. I just want to know that you‟re okay.” Eric could hardly hear himself speak. The words were coming out without his consent. It had almost killed him, not being able to touch her, but he knew it was a delicate situation. He figured that she was still shocked from her decision to marry a stranger in a moment of trust and weakness. But he had come home early from work one afternoon and caught her touching herself. Her ebony body was naked on top of their bed covers and writhing as her hands traveled down her stomach onto the tip of her clit, tapping it at first with the thumb of one hand and moving the middle of another finger up and down, hammering into her pussy. Her back was arching above the sheets as she dripped onto them, her juices coming up with every thump of her hand. His own hands traveled down to his belt buckle, but he couldn‟t bring himself to open it. Though he was about to come just watching her, he‟d rather be touching her when that happened. But he needed to build her trust before anything physical happened. He

would just have to wait for the day that she wanted his fingers in her pussy instead of her own. So he just watched her. Now the same hands that had pounded her pussy to climax that day were reaching into his pants, traveling past his underwear, and grabbing onto his cock. “Hubby Coyer, I can do lovemaking now,” she said with a cheeky smile. She unbuttoned his pants and pulled them down by his ankles. She made to put his cock in her mouth, but he held her by the armpits and pulled her up. “Let me please you first.” He grabbed as much ass as he could, bringing her back onto him. He nibbled at her mouth, sucking on her full bottom lip. One full kiss, a bite, another kiss, and he felt himself on the brink of going insane. She was holding on to him again. One hand was in his short blonde hair, the other one trying to undo his shirt, clutching at him. “You‟re something else…” “And you talk too much.” “Complimenting you is part of this lovemaking thing.” Tammy laughed as she tugged him toward her. He hopped in her direction, going all the way to the bedroom with her and falling onto the sheets. “Hubby C, I made the bed so we can wreck it.” Tammy went over and closed the door. Eric hadn‟t noticed her clothing; most of the time when she came home it was lounge wear and an apron. This time she was wearing a long rope dress. She stepped to the side to drop her apron and then let the rope dress fall to the floor. “Jesus.” It was the second time he‟d seen her like this, vulnerable and naked, but it was the first time that he would be allowed to comfort her in that feeling. She walked back from the door, turning on her heel and looking back at him. She placed her hands over her breasts, covering her dark chocolate nipples while the rest of her soft body remained uncovered.

Starting from his feet, she climbed from the bottom of the bed, moving over him, tempting him with her body. “Torturer,” she spoke finally, smiling. “I could say the same thing about you.” **** She dragged her hands over his shirt, letting the buttons come undone as her fingertips hit them. His eyes were clouded as he looked at her, a deep gray. She had felt them enough over the weeks to know what his current look meant: lust. He had wanted her as much as she had wanted him. Though her sister‟s advice to become the wife that Eric lost instead of the woman who became a replacement was at the forefront of Tammy‟s mind, she couldn‟t make the first move. She couldn‟t see Eric in any way other than the man who had chosen to give up his dream and herself as the woman who‟d lost hers. But then she had mistakenly seen him in the shower one day. Drops of water pouring down a lone lean body, covered with blond hair. He was a live-action statue of Adonis that she had for herself. The thought of him being only hers heated her up in a way that made her touch herself immediately. She didn‟t mind when he came to the door and watched her, although he thought he was hidden. Both of them were somehow released by their fate of their spontaneous marriage. Even if he still thought of the woman who left him, his body was all hers to look at, to inspire her if she wanted. Now she grinded down into his cock and watched as his eyes darkened. His hand traveled from his sides, to her bottom and then between her legs. She grinded down onto his cock again. “I‟m ready when you are.” The words felt a little forward to her, but she couldn‟t help it. She didn‟t want him to misunderstand her; she wanted him to make the first move. She wanted to make sure that he wanted her. He placed her hand on top of his with a light smile. “It‟s been a very long day, and I haven‟t done this in awhile…so I‟ll just follow your lead,” he stated.

He guided her hand forward with his and rubbed her clit back and forth in the same way that she had as he‟d watched her. He repeated her movements, letting his fingers go over her clit until the moisture built up. Her hand moved to his wrist, urging him faster. She could feel him growing, his cock hardening against her bum. But he didn‟t acknowledge his strain; he only looked deep into her eyes while he continued his strokes. Her back arched into his finger as he moved his thumb to her clit and his index finger into her pussy. “Baby, move up higher.” He tugged on her thighs, continuing his ministrations as she climbed up his torso to his face. He smiled into her pussy, sucking all of her juices into his mouth. Tammy leaned back onto him. In order to give him more access, he figured. But then his cock was grasped. She had leaned back to capture him in a hand job. He intensified the movements of his mouth, making her bite her lip because of the hold he had on her clit. She rocked back and forth above him while he played inside her until she let him go and welcomed her own release, writhing into his mouth. Tammy‟s sleek dark body was covered in perspiration, but he flipped her over, one knee between her legs. He guided the tip to the mouth of her pussy. “Wait!” Tammy was shivering a bit under him from her last release. In the next moment, they were truly going to become husband and wife. There was no going back from this last penetration; their wedding vows would be cemented. Instead of an annulment, there would only be divorce if they couldn‟t work things out between themselves. “Slowly, Hubby C— this is our first night together. It‟s permanent after this.” Eric looked down at her with a quiet smile. He kissed her forehead and then her nose. Her hand traveled up to his cock and she pulled him all the way in, feeling herself expand to take him in. Tammy brought both legs up in front of her body as Eric placed his arms at each side to keep from dropping his full weight onto her. She breathed in as he entered her deeply. He rocked forward into her, backed up and then rocked forward again.

“Oh God…” Tammy held on to his upper arms, pulling him deeper as he continued to thrust into her. Eric kept moving forward until he could feel his own release building and could feel her tightening around him. “I‟m s-s-so close.” He could feel her heart beating roughly against his chest, mirroring his own. He looked down into her face. She was looking up at him with hooded eyes, her mouth open, sucking in air. He bent down, placing his forehead on hers. “Come for me. Don‟t hold it in—scream for me,” he said. He thrust faster, his lower body hitting her clit with sharp movement. He brought his right thumb down and flicked her clit. “Oh, Eric! Eric! Oh! Oh!” Her pussy tightened around his cock, bringing him to climax along with her words. He poured into her without realizing it and then fell back at her left side. She took a moment to register the wetness between her legs foreign from her own. “I-I…completely forgot about a condom.” Eric shifted to see her face. “Tammy, are you on the pill?” Nothing had changed in her expression aside from a shy smile. “Okay, we had no condom but a birth control pill. Maybe next time we can try making our marriage even more permanent, then?” she teased. Children were a part of the equation that they hadn‟t discussed when they‟d decided to live life together instead of lonely. He brought his hand up to her stomach and caressed it. “Just start with a daughter then…” he added lightly. He made to move his hand, but she placed hers on top of his. “We can be married quickly, but let my body get used to this…lovemaking. After that, then we can have kids,” she stated with a shy smile. **** Six months later and Tammy was still getting her body ready to give Eric a pretty daughter.

“It‟s Christmas Eve, baby, I can‟t keep the mothers away from you.” Monica was in the couple‟s bedroom, dressed in a simple navy dress, sitting on the couch while staring at the bed with distaste. “Did you follow all my of girls‟ advice?” Tammy didn‟t answer her, instead opting to do her makeup. Her outfit was a form-fitting red wrap dress. “Everything but the scary parts,” she explained. “Just call Eric quickly, honey. We‟re going to need someone to block the body shots. I swear Omma could be a pro-baseball player with the way she throws her slippers. And with Ma, there‟s no way her saucepan is going to hit me in the side of the head, again, because of you.” Tammy laughed as she put on more blush. She put the brush down and checked herself in the mirror. “Eric is coming after he finishes up work.” Monica nodded lightly. “But has he been coming in late or early since you‟ve been putting it on him?” She reached over to fix her sister‟s hair band. Tammy‟s natural black hair had grown from short to past shoulder length. Being with Eric had been stress free on both her mind and body. “He‟s been coming home every day before seven,” she said with a smile. “It‟s almost seven right now, baby—we can swing by work and pick him up.” Monica grabbed both her and her sister‟s bag. “Hurry up; if we‟re late the newspapers are going to read: „Died by Their Mothers‟ Hands.‟” Tammy snatched her bag from Monica and stuck her tongue out at her. “You‟re driving, love.” The way to Eric‟s advertising firm seemed to be longer than usual. Tammy felt herself focusing on the nightlife—daylight savings time was gone, and darkness was entrenched. Ever since she was little she would count the streetlights as the car raced past them; it always made her tired when she did. “Is this the place?”

Monica slowed before the building, settling right in front of it. The tall building had clear high windows, showing the bustling of the work done inside. Eric had told her a little of the work he did at the accounting firm, but she hadn‟t ever been at the building. It seemed grander than he had made it sound. “Yeah, it‟s the place.” Tammy got her cell phone out of her purse quickly as she watched the window. “Oh…oh…there he is!” He was coming out of the building with his bag on his shoulder. She made to roll down the window and signal him excitedly but put her hands down when a young woman with short dirty-blonde hair ran up and kissed him on the cheek. “What the hell?!” Monica put the car in park and got out of it. A driver behind her was honking, but she was rushing toward the scene. Tammy got out of the car beside her. Even after they had pulled apart, Eric still held the woman around the shoulders and messed up her hair. Tammy could feel there was something intimate about their relationship, but the woman didn‟t make her want to cringe. She looked like someone who was close to him. But not in the same way that Tammy was. “Don‟t go overboard, Monica. Look at her closely. She practically has his face.” “Then he might be one of those guys who like their women to look just like themselves.” Tammy straightened up her dress and went forward toward the two. Instead of acting like he‟d been caught, Eric waved her over, and the woman smiled shyly at her. Tammy could see the truth in both of their matched eyes. But she couldn‟t shake the sudden fear that had come over her. “Your twin is beautiful,” she said quietly. “You‟re the one who stole my older brother. Lucky you‟re beautiful.” The young woman stuck out her hand. “Sera Coyer, but you can call me your cute sister-in-law.” The woman winked at her with a smile, along with a lingering look. If his twin was a man, she would have mistaken the

look for flirty. Sera gave her another wink as she saw her stare. She couldn‟t mistake it—Sera was flirting with her. “She‟s my wife, Sera. Stealing one of my girlfriends is one thing, but my wife is another thing entirely.” Eric pulled Tammy over to his side, letting both hands wrap around her waist and draw her close. “I didn‟t steal her, Eric. I made her realize her lesbian potential…but who‟s the other beautiful woman coming?” Monica was giving Sera a dirty look while the other woman licked her lips. “I swear she was supposed to be born my brother instead. She has way bigger balls than me when it comes to the ladies,” Eric whispered into Tammy‟s ear. “Well, Monica was supposed to be born a pit bull instead,” she whispered back. “Monica, this is Sera, Eric‟s twin sister. Sera, this is my half in blood but handful of a sister, Monica,” Tammy introduced quickly. She moved from Eric‟s side to hustle both women toward the car, holding them at arm‟s length from each other. “We‟re halfway late to meet up with the mothers.” Once they made it into the fancy restaurant, Tammy‟s resolve left her body. If there was a good way to explain to a parent that you had gone and eloped, then Tammy needed it to appear in her mind. She had two angry mothers to deal with in front of her. She held on to Monica‟s hand tightly while walking behind Eric. Both mothers were looking at her with narrowed eyes. There was a pan in Ma‟s hand, and Omma‟s slippers were at the ready. “You‟re going to block me, right?” Tammy whispered to Eric. “Don‟t worry, baby—they‟re not going to disown you for marrying me.” “Boy, don‟t talk too soon,” Monica hissed. Neither of the mothers spoke when Eric and Sera settled in front of them. They coughed until Monica and Tammy got enough courage to step out from behind Eric.

“Our Tammy found herself here all right, but she never found a way to tell us that she was getting married,” Omma—i.e., “mother” in Korean— said. The Korean woman was a petite, well-dressed woman with the same long black hair as her daughter. She sat calmly in a white tweed suit; the only thing that exposed her small village background was the worn-out slippers in her hand. “You should stop saying „our‟ now, Suk Hee. When we plan for her funeral it will be easier for us to mourn her quickly.” Ma, Shanice Williamson, looked every bit the Kingston import. She was in a multicolored dress, fanning herself with the paper menu, pan in the other hand, and waiting for the waiters to say something to her. Her naturally curly hair was brought back into a bun, earrings off so she would be able to run after the women just in case their fight turned into flight. “Tammy?” “Yes, Omma?” “What entered your brain and told you to go and get married to someone without introducing us to him first?” Omma raised her slipper to throw. “What made you ignore all of our phone calls instead of coming over to beg for forgiveness?” The woman‟s already calm voice was still leveled, but Monica brought herself down to her knees along with Tammy, pulling them both down. “It‟s not her fault; I should have been with her. She went to Marcus‟s wedding alone—” “No, I chose to marry him—” **** “Madam, can I interject? Omma-in-law?” Eric said awkwardly. He hardly knew where to begin, but he came up and kneeled next to them. He had watched the situation quickly turn from amusing to tense with his sister beside him. The usually snarky woman kept quiet throughout the whole exchange. He knew he‟d married an independent young woman, but at the moment, she had regressed to a disobedient teenager in front of his eyes. If he wanted to diffuse the situation, he would have to play by their rules. Though he was kneeling beside Tammy in his slightly worn work

pants, he shifted so that their hips would be touching just in case she wanted to lean against him. “You can speak.” Ma exchanged a subtle glance with Omma. “I married her on that day with a clear mind. I‟m sorry that you both couldn‟t meet me first, but I‟m not sorry that it happened. I‟m not the kind of person who will not take responsibility for what was done. I promised your daughter that I would—will take care of her. I‟m not going to leave or abandon that promise.” He reached for Tammy‟s hands as he spoke. “I‟m not going to go anywhere,” he said. Omma turned to Ma. Both of them looked at each other with resolution in their eyes before nodding. “So he should get the punishment?” Ma looked at her counterpart with a small smile. “It seems so,” Omma answered. **** Tammy looked back at her stepsister. Monica was chatting with Sera on the way back home, not minding the other woman‟s attempts to flirt with her. Tammy figured she was too happy at the prospect of having missed her beatings to do anything to avoid the other woman‟s advances. Eric was sitting at the wheel with a grimace on his worn-out face. The women hadn‟t gone easy on him even when the waiters threatened to call the police. They‟d just calmly moved the beating outside. He looked at her from the wheel at a red light and gave her a little smile. “I‟m a big boy; I can take a little roughing up.” Eric rubbed her hand and gave her a wink. “Err—a little? Boy, our mothers almost destroyed you.” Monica reached a hand over and patted his back. “You took one for the team.” “Are they following behind us closely?” Tammy looked back to see Omma driving her silver Echo. “Omma was an unofficial stalker in her younger years—she found herself three jobs that way,” Monica said.

“It‟s going to be Christmas Eve dinner this year with lots of people instead of just me and Eric,” Sera said. “It‟s been lonely the last three years without Mom and Dad.” “How come your parents haven‟t come over?” Monica asked. Tammy looked over to Eric; his face had lost all of its humor. She rested her hand on his shoulder and massaged lightly. That was one way to get the tension out of his body. He looked over at her gratefully. “It‟s just been that way…” Sera trailed off. “They don‟t want to travel all the way from Scotland without a good reason.” Eric turned into their parking lot slowly. There was a car already waiting in the parking lot and what looked like people moving from within it. “Stay in the car. I‟m going to go check it out. When I give you the signal, call 911,” Eric spoke as he got out of the car quickly. “No, I‟m going to call the police first. What do you mean?!” Tammy‟s heart was pounding. She could hardly figure out where her bag was to locate her cell phone, but she couldn‟t imagine letting Eric go into any situation without immediate backup. “I told you they were all outside, Hannah! Are you all going to stay chatting in the car or are you going to enter this bloody house?!” There was an older brown-haired man standing at the door, green-and-red Christmas sweater on and matching kilt resting beyond his knees. “Oh, Conaire, there‟s no need to swear at the children.” A middle-aged woman appeared behind him, walking quickly past him to Eric‟s car. Eric walked out of his car slowly, going over to the other side and holding Tammy close to him, presenting her to them. The woman slowed took Tammy in as Tammy also examined the other woman. Her light brown hair was wavy and past her shoulders, while her thin, lean frame revealed a woman who still worked into her old age. She wore a matching Christmas sweater dress and tights. “I wouldn‟t have believed it for myself…but here you are. What kind of wedding did you make this poor woman suffer through?” The woman turned to Eric with lightly accusing eyes. “What kind of wedding did you

make my new daughter go through? Don‟t ask for introductions—just call me Mum and call that insane man over there Dad, darling.” Instead of waiting for an answer, she linked her arm through Tammy‟s, leading her away from Eric and toward the house. “We have to get you all changed for Christmas.” Tammy listed off all her family in her head. Her sister Monica and new sister Sera, Omma, Ma, and now Mum. But as she walked by the man in the kilt, instead of letting her pass by, he raised her to him in a big bear hug. Dad was also added to the list, finally. As her feet touched the ground, she looked back to Eric. She wanted to mouth back “thank you,” but even mouthing the words would let water drop down her face. All the tears she‟d held in as a child on Father‟s Days would fall onto her face in that instant. Instead of being caught in that moment, she was pushed into the house by Monica, following Mum so the other woman would be able to have her own hug.

Chapter Three The holidays were the happiest they had been for Tammy, so much so that she hadn‟t questioned her extraordinary situation once that entire time. But that kind of comfort isn‟t safe. The past shows up in the midst of good news, clutching on to you so you can‟t move. It shows up in the moments where you aren‟t waiting for something bad to happen. When you‟re living life like nothing is ever going to be wrong again—that is when the hurricane comes. Tammy held onto her mum‟s arm as they walked through the grocery store. Both her parents and Erics‟ had stayed throughout Christmas to New Year‟s, with a countdown and cake for each day. Throughout the whole vacation, Eric‟s mom and dad acted as if Tammy had saved them from some kind of mortal embarrassment. It was the first instance that the parents of any of her boyfriends had been so welcoming. Even before Marcus had given her excuses for breaking up, she‟d had to endure the way his mother looked at her—as if she had just come out from rolling from the mud. Marcus‟s mother couldn‟t understand why he wanted to date someone so dark. She had told him over and over again that she didn‟t think that the union would move past dating, but in the end Tammy couldn‟t blame his mother for their breaking up. Breaking up with her was ultimately his choice. But the past didn‟t change how happy she was about Mr. and Mrs. Coyer‟s joy over having her in their family. She couldn‟t understand why they were happy to see her even though they had said it was a shame they couldn‟t have a proper wedding. The holidays were a time for acceptance, so after Ma and Omma had seen Eric‟s bruises, they had worried and fussed over him to make sure he was okay. The family had integrated itself in a way that Tammy hadn‟t counted on.

She had nothing left to want in her life. She was living in completeness. “Hannah?” Both Tammy and her mother-in-law turned around as the voice rang out. From between the food aisles, a young woman walked up to where they were choosing milk. She was model tall, perhaps a size two, with lightly tanned skin and short brown hair. She looked around Tammy‟s age, aside from the fact that she had deep worry lines. Her clothing, a short red dress and black heels, both looked like high class although up close they appeared worn, more than a few years past season. Behind her a blond little boy followed closely, watching everything with wide green eyes. He smiled at Tammy as they came closer. She felt her mother-in-law shiver. “Hannah? You look amazing. How have you been?” Tammy watched as the woman she‟d grown to know as cheerful dayto-night turned cold all of a sudden. “I‟ve been well, Ms. Aziza,” she replied shortly. Her hands were folded over her body, slowly moving to block Tammy. “You surely have been more than busy.” “Well…yes… But there is no need to be formal. I‟m still Maria. I might have left town for a bit, but I haven‟t changed.” “Well, I‟m Mrs. Coyer. Not Hannah anymore. Nice to see you are doing well. If you‟ll excuse me…” Hannah grabbed hold of Tammy to pull her away. “Say hello to Eric for me… I think he‟ll be surprised to know I‟m still around…” Maria looked down at the fussing child beside her as she spoke. Hannah did not look back to see the exchange, but Tammy did, her heart slamming against her ribcage. Both of them left the grocery store in silence. Her mother-in-law got into the driver‟s seat; Tammy turned her face to look out the window as the other woman drove. She didn‟t know what to think. Her heart was spinning. She‟d thought Monica had been overreacting when she‟d said she should give Eric a daughter or son, gives him something that would keep him attached to her if his ex-girlfriend ever decided to show up. But Tammy had gotten too greedy, too

complacent in her life; she couldn‟t imagine someone coming in to destroy what she was building with Eric. From living together, to becoming a supportive wife, to lovemaking, there wasn‟t anything she wouldn‟t be able to do. Except give him a blond, green-eyed child. “Don‟t mind her. There is nothing she won‟t say to get attention. I‟ve already seen her two times since the wedding, but she won‟t be getting her paws back into my son,” Hannah said, hitting her fist on the steering wheel. Tammy felt herself getting hot; her clothes were pulled tight around her. “Were do you want to go for food now, honey? Do you want to pick up something before continuing our grocery shopping?” Tammy could hear the other woman‟s words, but she couldn‟t answer her. She couldn‟t breathe. She couldn‟t breathe… She couldn‟t— There was a shrieking of a car before Tammy felt her head hit the glass window. “Tammy!” **** Eric couldn‟t get to the hospital fast enough. Or at least he felt his driving was too slow. Monica, Omma, and Ma were in the car but instead of urging him faster, pulling on him, or beating him all the way there, all of them looked lost in thought. They were completely quiet as he drove forward, and the thought that they had been made speechless worried him even more than his slow-moving car. Once inside the hospital, Eric spotted his mother quickly. She collapsed into her son‟s arms. “What happened to Tammy?” he spoke quickly. “We were driving back from the grocery store and she passed out and hit her head hard on the dashboard. I U-turned immediately and rushed her to the hospital when I saw the blood…” “Are you Mrs. Coyer‟s guardian?” A doctor had rushed out from the emergency room.

Eric looked from his mother to the doctor. “There was a stall in the emergency rooms, so I took Mrs. Coyer there to bandage her up. No worries. She has a few superficial stitches on her forehead and seemed to have suffered some shock, but she is resting up now with an IV.” “She has stitches on her face? What have I told that crazy girl about getting her face injured?” Monica whispered from the back. Ma shushed her. “Um, well, yes. I would allow her a few hours of sleep before visiting, but she has been asking for her husband. He may visit for a short period of time.” Eric stepped up to shake the doctor‟s hand. “Thank you. Can you please bring me to my wife now?” The doctor nodded shortly before leading the way. In the small hospital room, Tammy was resting in the back. Her curly hair had been pulled from her face with a pink rhinestone headband—most likely his mother‟s doing. He heard the click of the closing door signaling the doctor‟s leaving as he sat down. He let his hands cover hers as she slept. “Hubby Coyer, you have really big green eyes.” Eric looked down in shock from the sudden voice. He smiled down at her. He had left the house without taking off his glasses in his rush. He only used his glasses to read so he only needed them in his workplace, but with the extra work that had been coming in, he made sure to take a little of it home so that he would have more time to spend with his wife. “Don‟t tell me I look silly with them on. I wanted to ease you into seeing me like this. Ah, now I might hear you and Monica talking about how you married a little bit of a geek.” Tammy smiled at him and shook her head as she reached up toward his face. She had grabbed onto his glasses, fixing them on the bridge of his nose slowly. “Even if you‟re a geek, you‟re still mine. Remember that. You‟re mine period.”

She moved to withdraw her hands from his glasses, but Eric held on to them. He put her hands on his shoulders as he pulled himself closer to her. “And what‟s this about you injuring your face? Why are you like this? You‟re not supposed to do anything wrong to your body. Even if you get cuts on your body like this, you‟re still mine. Remember that. You‟re mine, period,” he said. He bent down all the way to kiss her forehead, close to but not touching her stitches. “Hurry up and sleep, darling.” He kissed her on the forehead again. “Just sleep and get better.” He traveled down from her forehead to her collarbone and then kissed her chest, hovering over each nipple before kissing her through the fabric. “Don‟t scare me like that ever again.” He buried his head in her chest. She pulled him closer with her arms, playing with his hair with her hands. “Hubby Coyer…” she murmured softly. “My Hubby Coyer—” “Aish, so that is how our crazy daughter got herself married.” Omma was at the door with her arms crossed over her chest. The rest of the women were behind her, trying not to laugh as they watched the scene in front of them. “Seeing as you‟re getting along okay without us, we‟re going to go home and get you some food. Make sure you‟re resting by the time you come back. Don‟t just be here breaking hospital beds,” Omma ended. At the woman‟s words, both Tammy and Eric broke apart in embarrassment. As the other woman walked out, Monica came out from behind her, walking up to Tammy‟s bedside with her bag and her cell phone. Tammy held Monica‟s hand, and they exchanged a look which Monica transferred over to Eric. He got up slowly in response to the hint. “I‟m going to go to the bathroom for a bit. I‟ll be back.” After he closed the door behind him, Monica sat down. “I can recognize that „Oh Shit‟ look from a mile away. Now what trouble did you get yourself into this time?” Tammy sat up without any of the previous humor on her face.

“You know what you said would happen? That Eric‟s ex would come back? Yeah, well, it happened. I just didn‟t know that she would bring a baby with her.” “She brought a baby?! Oh damn!” Monica took a hair tie out of her pocket and tied her hair into a messy bun. Then she took off her gold hoop earrings to put into her bag. “I need to make sure that this isn‟t true without the help of a DNA test. I want to make sure that everything I have won‟t be taken away by someone who walked away first. By someone who doesn‟t deserve it…” Tammy said as she sat up. “You have the police connections, right, Monica? Just make sure they‟re ready.” “Are you sure you want to bring the police into this, or the mafia to get rid of her instead? Either way, Tam, I have someone on either side.” There was a hard knock on the door. “We‟ll talk later.” Monica got up quickly. “Sleep, baby, and talk to your sister when you‟re better.” Eric walked into the room with a smile on his face, one that didn‟t quite reach his green eyes. He waved to Monica as she left the room, then returned his focus to Tammy‟s body as he sat down in the bedside chair. He rested his head on her stomach. “Go to sleep. I‟ll be here waiting for my baby to wake up.” Tammy‟s time in the hospital had been haunted by the way she thought of the time she had with Eric in doubles. No matter how much he came into her room to look after her, she could see his shadow in ways that she hadn‟t before. Thoughts of him leaving her were reflected in the darkness. She hadn‟t felt this unsure of herself since her days in high school. She felt, in a way, replaceable. And once you feel replaceable, then the only thing left to do is to wait for everything to come undone. But she couldn‟t wait silently this time. She contacted Monica the minute Eric had stopped hovering over her after she‟d left the hospital. Her sister had kept her under suspense as she prepared everything, but suddenly one day she called to make sure she was ready. Both sisters walked into the restaurant like Men in Black. Monica had brought them the matching wardrobe of high-waist black

pants and a crisp white shirt with dress jacket. She wanted both of them to look professional when they went to ask her police contact for a favor. “Where did you say that you met him again?” Tammy asked. “I don‟t say anything more than once, love,” Monica said as she took off her sunglasses and put them in her breast pocket. “I don‟t have time to do things like that.” She strode past her and walked to the back of the room. Tammy followed quickly. The man in front of her was working on his second coffee before he looked up. Somehow the man in front of her looked familiar. He had a shaved head, though the last time she had seen him had been with cropped black hair. He stood up when both women approached to shake their hands. He was still tall and muscular, but she had found herself looking at him too hard for a second. “Where did you find him from again?” Tammy leaned down to her sister and whispered. “Daniel, the repeat baby daddy who won‟t stalk me—his third baby momma gave him as his contact if I ever needed any police help. I didn‟t think that we would know him.” “I‟m Thomas Grainger. Baby, don‟t you remember me? Did you call me up after so long to take me up on that taste of vanilla?” Thomas‟s words came with the same sleazy smile from three years ago. Tammy tried but failed to hide her grimace. “Sorry man, you missed her by a mile.” Monica raised her sister‟s hand to show the circular-cut single diamond ring and one piece of a matching wedding band set, which Eric had bought as a surprise during their sexless first few weeks of living together. The ring shone brightly in the other man‟s face brightly. “And by proximity,” Tammy said slowly. “What do you mean by proximity?” He sat down and quickly urged them to do the same. He asked the question, but the words seemed to go inside his head and configure slowly. There was no way that it could be—

“Eric? Not my best friend Eric. He‟s been basically like a widower for the past few years.” “Yes, you‟re looking at the new Mrs. Coyer. But we‟re not here to talk about the past. I need to know if you can locate the previous Mrs. Coyer candidate, Maria.” It took a moment for Thomas to straighten out his surprised face before proceeding forward. “I don‟t know how you got my number, but I‟m not in the position to help you all find Maria, no matter how much you want to find her. I don‟t know why you want to find her, but if it‟s going to hurt Eric in any way, then I can‟t allow it.” Thomas sounded pained as he spoke. Monica let out a sharp laugh. “I don‟t want to help the bitch. I want to know why the hell she‟s appearing in front of my sister.” “Honestly, it‟s not that I feel a little uncomfortable having her back now—I feel very uncomfortable, to tell the truth…but she didn‟t even come alone. She has a child with her.” Tammy breathed out hard. “Eric and I got married in a rushed way. Well, more than rushed, it was very impulsive of us. But I‟m happy with my life now. I just want to know if there‟s a chance that anyone can take that happiness away from me.” Thomas nodded his head and tooka black book from his shirt pocket. “Can you give me a basic description of her?” He shook his head lightly. “No one knows, but she might have changed after three years.” Tammy followed his introductions and answered his questions. The back and forth ritual cleared her mind and kept her focused. “Do you ladies mind if I ask you two short questions?” Monica nodded, but Tammy held her back. “Of course we don‟t mind.” “I wonder what you‟re going to do after you find Maria…but don‟t tell me that. I might be Eric‟s friend, but I‟m still a cop. And this one...” He pointed to Monica. “Seems to believe in her own kind of law force.” He got up out of his seat as he gave Monica a wink. Tammy suppressed her laughter at her sister‟s uncharacteristically shy smile. “The next question is… What are you going to do if the baby is his? Eric isn‟t the kind of guy to just leave someone with his child and do

nothing about it. Plus, I don‟t know the extent of your relationship with him now since you‟re married and all, but he loved her. He loved her enough to push everyone else away and wait for her for three years. I don‟t think feelings like that go away in two seconds,” he said. Both of them watched Thomas leave the restaurant. Tammy grabbed Monica‟s hand. The other woman grabbed back tightly. **** Maria being late isn‟t out of the ordinary, Eric repeated to himself. After overhearing Monica and Tammy talking about the woman who had left him over three years ago being back, he had been shocked out of his mind. But the fact that she had shown up in his life after running away from their wedding three years ago made him want to retract his statement. She wasn‟t late, because there was nothing waiting for her. He was a married man now. Everything she had left was in the past. Now the only thing was to convince her of that so she would disappear from his life for good. The front door slammed shut, and Eric looked toward it. Tammy walked into the living room slowly. Her head was down even though he knew that she was usually cheerful whenever she came back from visiting her sister. He watched as she moved through the house slowly. She finally ended up on the couch, trembling slightly. “I missed you, Tams.” He leaned over her on the couch, enclosing his arms around her shoulders. She jumped up, startled from his embrace, but slowly leaned into him. “Weren‟t you doing some extra work for the company?” He let go of her to walk over to the other side of the couch and sit down beside her. She moved over to give him more room. For a second, he looked taken aback by the space she‟d left between them, before he reached over and pulled her closer to him. “I told them to delegate some of my lesser work to younger employees. I don‟t need to be doing any extra work when I have a wife waiting for me at home.” He drew her even closer to him and smiled into

her hair. “Plus, the amount I do right now equaled the work of three employees…so I guess I earned a little break.” Tammy turned her head so that her lips could reach his face, but she didn‟t kiss him. She just looked over the familiar features that she now considered part of her own. Green eyes followed with her in her inspection. “Baby, your eyes are so green…” Eric ran his fingertips over her mouth to stop her from talking. He replaced his fingers on the sides of her face and pulled her closer. “Ah…I don‟t want to talk about my body. I‟d rather it be pressed against yours instead.” He ran his hands underneath her white shirt, opening all the buttons as his hand traveled down. She felt him reaching into the cups of her breasts as his other hand pulled down her bra straps. “Ah, now that I‟m married, my body is no longer mine,” Tammy said. She reached down to reach the zipper on her pants. Then she took off her jacket and shirt fully. “You have to remember. Of course your body is not yours, and my body isn‟t only mine either.” He removed his shirt and jeans as he looked her body over. He knelt down in front of her and opened her legs. Before he could think of traveling any farther around her body, his hands found their way onto her stomach. “I‟m naked and you‟re naked, but there is a stall in my reaction…I can‟t think of sexy things anymore. Well, I can‟t think of anything sexier than you having my baby.” His mouth replaced his hands against her stomach. He kissed her again. “When should I just get you pregnant? Should I get you pregnant today?” “Babies should only be brought up when their parents aren‟t trembling when they think of having them.” Eric looked up at her as she shivered. “I‟ll give you children. But first I‟m going to make you scream. Stand up.”

Eric stood with a slight smile. She took his cock full into her mouth and pumped back and forth. The smile slid off his face. Lust returned instead. “Tammy, you don‟t have to…” He was hushed by her quick intake of his cock. Her hands traveled over her taut breasts and her clit as she worked him. She was putting on a show for him, one that his body couldn‟t help but respond to. She tried to take him in for another thrust, but he pulled his cock away. She looked up in surprise as he bent all the way down. “Ah, I can‟t even go through with things like this in front of you,” he said. He spoke to her stomach. “Future baby, I‟m going to take care of your mommy first, then I‟ll be able to welcome you home.” Before Tammy could object, he sunk himself deep within her. The feeling of having him back within her after such a hard day had calmed her troubles. I‟ll just have this moment, she thought. I‟ll just let him in this far for a while...and think about tomorrow, tomorrow.

Chapter Four No matter how much Tammy tried to avoid Eric‟s affection, he always found a way to get her to get sexy with him. Though she knew she wasn‟t the first woman in the world to avoid getting pregnant with her husband, it felt strange since she just might be the first woman to avoid trying to make a baby by a husband who could be considered perfect. Eric was handsome, patient, and understanding. He was the total package. It was just that the package came with a toxic ribbon to unravel. Other wives had to deal with evil in-laws, drunken, gambling, or cheating husbands. There was nothing bad about Eric. But she couldn‟t feel patient about loving him with Eric‟s past able to stand in front of her wearing a size-two dress and holding onto a maybe two-year-old blond boy. “I have to break Maria before anything comes of this.” Tammy put her lemon tea down, making sure that none of it splashed on her long-sleeved white lace dress. “There‟s no other way.” “Finally you‟re talking in the way I understand,” Monica said. Her sister had called her to talk over shopping. The only thing was, she didn‟t mention the fact she‟d have to sit in her sister‟s house playing dress-up with the two women whose sexual advice scared her most. The two Korean sisters Sun Dae and Yi Hee sat across from her after they had changed into their purchases, a short cream ruffle dress and a leopard mini-dress. “I told you she would get married quickly.” Sun Dae looked at her sister with a cheeky smile. “It was because of my advice.” “No, I think it‟s because of mine, dear.” Yi Hee readjusted her short dress as she sat down.

“Since neither of you can decide on the winner, I‟ll disqualify both of you.” Monica walked over to her sister in her new flowing orange maxi dress. Monica decided on Tammy‟s dress, since it mirrored the wedding dress she didn‟t get to see her sister walk down the aisle with. But she called the other women over to make sure that she would never have to see her sister in another wedding dress again. “We have older brothers, oppas, in Japan who could flatten her out for you if you want,” Yi Hee said. “I don‟t think Lee Young Oppa is available to do that, but Chun Min Oppa can with your convincing…” “Why do I always have to be the one to „convince‟ people?” Tammy rolled her eyes at the two other women. “So do we have a deal? Are you going to help me out in this, or will we have bought all of these dresses for nothing?” “No, we are going to the fashion show right now.” Monica went over to the table bowl to grab her keys. “Don‟t worry about anything other than that.” **** Becoming a married man must have ruined my friendship skills, Eric thought. He had been sitting with his best friend since high school, Thomas Grainger, just talking about the weather as they ate pasta in Italy town. Both of them had come to the busy restaurant to make sure they had their agendas straight when it came to each other, but now they were beginning to seem like a pair of lovers who had lost their way to one another. The conversation was tenser than fans watching the end of a close Olympic hockey game. “Are we going to start talking about something real, or will we have to just look at each other for the rest of the time?” Eric said. “There‟s something going on with Tammy. Have you heard about it?” Thomas poked at his ravioli with his fork. He had wanted to tell the other man for days, but there hadn‟t been enough time.

“Heard about what? She‟s just been around her sister‟s house more than usual. I think they miss each other already.” “Really…” Thomas balanced his straw between his fingertips before placing it in his glass. “I wonder… if you rushed into this marriage without thinking about it enough. I met with Tammy out of the blue again, and she told me a little bit about what happened, but I need more back story from you. I mean, are you even over…Maria?” “She left me more than three years ago. Do you think it‟s even humanly possible to still have feelings for her right now?” Eric twisted his spaghetti around his fork. “Tammy is my wife and the woman I chose to marry.” “Well, you might have all of your feelings planned out, but have you told her anything like that? Right now she‟s acting like a woman who‟s getting her battle plan ready in case she‟s going to be replaced soon.” Eric dropped his fork loudly onto his bowl. He made a gesture of apology to the crowd, but everyone was too busy talking to even notice his action. “Talk clearly—what is Tammy doing now?” “Look, Eric, the marriage process is easy. A man can sign some papers and make a wife out of any ordinary woman. But you didn‟t just make her into your wife; she fell in love with you as well. How do I know? It can only take the insanity of love for a person to go up to a police officer and ask favors that are two slides away from federal offenses. She‟s in love with you, man. But you did this all backwards. Have you even had a conversation about what happens when Maria, the woman whom she basically thinks she replaced, returns?” Eric shook his head at Thomas‟s question. The other man sighed. “This is why you need me in your life for all decision-making moments. I‟m sorry for stepping outside the lines there; I just didn‟t want to put on another monkey suit for another year.” He put up his beer glass for a toast. “Its fine, man, I‟ll make sure to handle it properly.” ****

Even before the curtains opened, Tammy held her breath. Once the show started, her cough was heard from around the audience. Monica rubbed her sister‟s back and glared at anyone who dared to give them a dirty look. They were attending a fashion show for Maria‟s maternity line. Sun Dae and Yi Hee had gotten the tickets for them so there would be no paper trail linking Tammy and Monica to the show in case something happened. The women also sat ahead of them in line to make sure there would be bodies blocking them in case they wanted to escape quickly. Tammy had felt like escaping ever since she walked into the large room. There were chairs set across the walkway in a straight line; they had gotten tickets for the very tip of the stage. She would be able to see Maria all the way through to the end for her final walk and then the pictures. Her stomach did not like the idea of that. “The show is almost over…” Monica held her sister‟s hand throughout the show while Tammy had her little spurts of uncertainty. She made sure that she went nowhere up until the very end. The last model came through in a long-sleeved lace dress. Everything mirrored Tammy‟s own except for the fact that the other woman had a baby bump as well. The music skipped, and then played again, faster, as the model walked off stage. All of the women came out of the back in a row. Then Maria emerged in a flowing white dress, holding a microphone. “Thank you all for coming. Err…this is my first fashion show here in Canada, though I‟ve done a lot already in South America, but I‟m still as nervous as I was at my first show.” She smiled into the middle of the crowd, catching Tammy‟s eye before gazing to the rest of the crowd. “I don‟t know how many of you women have come here because you are expectant mothers who will wear my designs, or if you are already mothers, or if you are planning for the future. But I made this line for my child after I realized I wouldn‟t be able to give him the father he‟s always wanted. I call this season‟s line „Finally Pregnant,‟ but I named my designs under the full name „Waiting,‟ in dedication for that special person in your life who is waiting for the child to come.”

Maria gave the microphone back to the stage director and waved one more time to the audience. “Get up now, darling!” Monica pulled against Tammy to go through the crowd pouring out of the theater. “We‟ll have to wait for her in the parking lot.” Both Sun Dae and Yi Hee posed as fans, waiting to ask Maria questions about her line until all of the production managers, models, and crews had gone without her. Then it was only Monica and Tammy waiting in their car in the parking lot, with Maria coming up the elevator to go to her own. Tammy got out of the car with a cool head and walked toward Maria. She had in her mind what she was going to say. Everything that would come out with biting force— “Excuse me—” Her words came out in a soft voice. “Oh, uh, aren‟t you the woman I saw with Hannah last time?” Maria had her hand attached to the door and was waiting without humor on her face for the answer. “Yes…I‟m her daughter-in-law. Well, Eric‟s wife.” “And I‟m Eric ex-fiancée… I don‟t really know what the handshake protocol for this kind of situation is, so let‟s just skip that.” Maria closed her car door and looked Tammy over. “I saw you in the audience, but I didn‟t know what your association to Hannah was or why you were coming to my show.” “I wanted to know what the situation is now. Why did you decide to come back here right now?” “It‟s been four years since I left Eric. I was curious for a second. I wanted to know if the rumors were true and he‟s still going to the church to wait for me. But I guess he got past that phase. Don‟t worry about anything.” Maria opened her door to get in the car again, but Tammy held it still. “Don‟t worry about anything?” Tammy scoffed. She‟d taken in everything the other woman had said without talking back, but now it was her turn to speak out.

“What about the baby? You want to come back here and „check up on things,‟ but you left your responsibilities here as well. Isn‟t that what you should check up on?” Tammy rolled her eyes. “I don‟t know what happened between you and Eric, but it‟s not for me to meditate on. All I want to know is if you have any tsunamis waiting for me in your little „check-up.‟” Maria wiggled the door out of Tammy‟s hold without hurting the other woman physically—only her pride. She got into the car and rolled down the window. “He‟s not Eric‟s child, if that‟s what you came here to figure out. You heard the speech. I named the line after a father that my son couldn‟t have. I meant that literally.” Maria put the key in the engine. “Even at this stage, you might be going around looking for reasons to avoid happiness with Eric, fine…but don‟t make him wait now.” She looked Tammy up and down. “It seems like he‟s a man who knows how to move past love.” Tammy walked back to Monica‟s car slowly after Maria left. The other woman‟s words resonated through her body. She took the passenger‟s seat as Sun Dae and Yi Hee talked in Korean in the backseat. Monica drove onto the highway before finally looking back at her sister. “Did you have a hard time hiding her body?” Tammy smiled. “No, it wasn‟t even like that. She told me the baby isn‟t Eric‟s, so we‟d been worried for nothing.” “That‟s even better news then. She doesn‟t have to go see Satan, and you can live peacefully with Eric. But how come your face hasn‟t changed from that „I lost the won‟ expression ever since you came into the car?” “Yeah, I‟ve been thinking over something she said.” “What? Just forget all the insults that woman told you. If I knew it was like that, then I would have gone myself and attacked her for you, baby.” “There wasn‟t any insulting from her, Monica,” Tammy said. „What she said was closer to: „I don‟t have to destroy you. You‟re destroying yourself.‟” Tammy left her words at that. Saying any more would be confirming her sister‟s suspicions of her relationship with Eric. She would become

another cliché, a black woman hesitating in finding happiness with a white man. But no, her reason for hesitating wasn‟t race. Marriage itself can‟t undo the pain of being abandoned by someone. New love can only erase the scars of old love if the scars were healed beforehand. “Drop me off at home.” Tammy waved her hand. Even before she opened the front door, she knew Eric was not in the house. There wasn‟t his familiar scent in the air to signal his presence. The house felt a little colder on days when she came home before him. She locked the door and went over to the living room. He had left a note on the coffee table. I’m going to go out for a trip after meeting Thomas. I’ll be back in a little while. Don’t wait up for me.—Eric Tammy went into the bedroom and went straight under the thick covers. She wanted to be ready to face Eric when he came back home. *** Eric had been driving all day, but finally something brought him back to the church. It had been so long since he had come, but once he‟d gone up the stairs and knocked on the church doors, they had let him in immediately. “I guess news travels fast when it comes to these things.” He nodded to the choir boys and went into the church, sitting across from the altar. It was the first time he had come wearing casual clothing, so he felt a little out of place. “I‟m finally the one waiting for you to come over.” Eric looked up and saw someone he hadn‟t seen in almost four years—at least not in his waking life. Maria looked older to him. Her brown hair was shorter, and the skin on her face looked a little worn out. She walked over to a seat beside him. She sat close to him but not too close. “So why are you back here on January twenty-eighth? Isn‟t it some kind of anniversary now?” “Well, are you back here to pray for your sins…?”

“I‟ve already finished paying for them.” Maria looked over her shoulder. “Your new wife showed up at my fashion show and asked me whether my kid is yours. Still keeping your women on the edge—” “—woman. And she‟s not on the edge. I‟m here out of nostalgia.” “Ah, that‟s what it was…sentimentality.” “There‟s nothing to be sentimental about. You chose what you wanted when you left me waiting that day.” “I had a little case of Vertigo a day before the wedding. I found a sixfoot something else, blond, with a huge bank account and thought I might as well upgrade. I didn‟t know that he would be the one to run away.” “Oh.” Reasons for Maria not showing up to the wedding had invaded his mind over the years, but now the only one he couldn‟t think of was realized. She had left him for another man. If he had found out about this three years ago, he would have broken down. Right then, he looked over to see the woman he‟d once loved, but no words of venom could come to his lips. No matter what she said, there was nothing waiting on the other side of her mouth that would comfort him. He got up first. “Donate some money to the church before you leave,” he said. She let out a laugh as he walked away from her. He walked through the church that he‟d married Tammy in, realizing there would be no reason to come back without her any longer. He didn‟t stop walking until he reached his car. The night brought him in as he drove, not knowing where he was going. Then he remembered Maria‟s words. “„So why are you back here on January twenty-eighth? Isn‟t it some kind of anniversary now?‟” he repeated. January twenty-eighth. The meaning of the day had changed completely. It was no longer the day he went to the church to wait for Maria to show up. Now it was the day that he and Tammy would forever remember as their wedding day. He

didn‟t know what was worse: the fact that both he and Tammy had to meet Maria to find peace of mind, or the fact that both of them forgot their wedding anniversary. He turned onto a street with a lot of shops. There had to be a store that was open. Either way, he knew he couldn‟t go home empty handed. “Here we go—an open cake shop.” **** Tammy heard the front door open without waking up. Eric opened the bedroom door even more lightly, coming in with muted steps so as not to wake her. But her eyes fluttered open the moment he felt her watching him. He came to the side of the bed and ran a hand over her forehead; he dropped a package to the floor before getting onto the bed over the covers. “You didn‟t change into your lingerie yet. Were you waiting for me?” “How did you know I wasn‟t asleep?” “You are too well behaved. Do you know how many kicks in the crotch I get when I sleep with you—?” “It‟s because you‟re always trying to take off my clothing.” Tammy pulled herself out of her covers to attack him, but he had bent down to the floor, taking something into his arms. “We‟re one year old now, baby.” Eric pulled down the covering to reveal a fruit-topped, vanilla-icingcovered sponge cake. “The only shop I could find open on the way home was this Chinese bakery.” “The cake is so beautiful, Hubby C.” Tammy took a strawberry off of the cake and put it in her mouth slowly, smiling at the way Eric observed her. “You make that cake look even more delicious than it already is, you know that…?” Eric kept watching as Tammy took another strawberry from the cake and placed it in her mouth. As she tried to take the third one he grabbed her hand, almost dropping the cake, but he held it strong with one hand.

“If you want me to feed you too you just have to ask, Hubby C.” She placed another strawberry in his mouth. He sucked all the whipped cream off her finger. He finished eating as he looked into her face. She looked less worried than she had in the previous days. “Happy anniversary, baby…” Eric sang to her. Tammy shook her head. “Correction—happy first anniversary to us and many more to come, Hubby C.” They ate as much as they could before Eric put the rest of the cake on the table. “I feel like we should change out of our clothing before we fall asleep, but today is too much of a special day for clothing…” “Is that how you lost your virginity? Talking your way out of your pants and into hers?” She slipped off her shirt, her bra and then her pants. “Ah, it seems like I‟m going to have to take off the pants in this relationship…” She put his hand over his to take off his clothing. Then she hugged him around the shoulders and then around the legs, pulling her closer to him. “You said you would take care of me, but your responsibility isn‟t over yet.” Tammy wrapped her limbs tighter around him. He ran a firm hand up and down her back. “What should I do to make up for it, then…?” He lined kisses against her collarbone. She moaned as he dragged his lips down to her breasts, nibbling her dark nipples. “You know what they say. Once you go Scottish you don‟t go back.” She reached down and bit his lip playfully. “I‟ll go back if I want to; don‟t test me.” **** It had been hours since Eric had left the house for work, but the phone was ringing with force. She placed the pillow over her head and covered her ears with it. It had been ringing on and off for the past few days, but only after her husband was out of the house. But whenever Tammy went over to answer the phone, the person on the other end hung up. She was

getting frustrated, but it kept ringing. Unwrapping herself from within the soft white sheets, she finally reached over to answer the cordless phone. “You‟d better answer the phone this time. Or else stop calling my house, you jerk—” “Crazy baby, you finally picked up the phone—GET AWAY FROM THAT, YOU ASSHOLE!” Tammy could recognize her sister‟s voice, but she pulled the phone away from her ear as the screams came through the phone. “I‟m rushing there now, Monica!” She was running around trying to get her clothing on so she would be able to leave quickly. “Fly, don‟t run! I already called Thomas—AHHH! GET AWAY YOU CRAZY JERK!” She put the phone on the receiver, rushing to get her keys and lock the front door. It was the first time Monica had ever called her for help, so she half dove into the street to get a taxi. She told the driver the address and tried to keep calm as he drove.

Chapter Five Tammy got there as fast as she could with the taxi, but she could see there was another person rushing there before her. As she ran up the stairs, she could hear hard footsteps preceding her and then her sister‟s cries of victory. “He‟s over in the corner there! Hit him!” She ran faster up the stairs. Once she got there, she found Thomas standing over a body and her sister holding on to his arm. In a normal scene, the woman would be holding a man‟s arm to make sure he would stop from hitting someone, but Monica was urging him forward. “Monica, what‟s going on?!” Tammy went into the room in a rush. Before she could say any more, the man on the floor got to his feet. It felt like all of the blood in her body disappeared as she looked into the eyes of her ex. “Marcus… What are you doing here?” “You know him?” Tammy‟s eyes met the ones of Thomas, the police officer contact, who had rushed to her sister‟s rescue. The man looked disheveled in his gym clothing and was panting hard. Her sister looked neat in comparison for someone who‟d seemed like she was fighting for her life on the phone. Her hair was freshly washed and styled while she clung to him in a light gray t-shirt dress that hugged her curves. “No, she doesn‟t know the crazy asshole. Well…she doesn‟t have to know him anymore.” Monica reached over to a couch pillow and threw it at Marcus‟s face. “What is going on here?” Thomas looked more confused than Marcus did.

Marcus had his sleeping clothing on, his jogging pants and an oversized t-shirt. But he was swaying even though he was now sitting on the floor. Happy hour apparently started in the early morning for him. “I came over to the house to find Tammy—” “And instead you found yourself in a beat down,” Monica interjected with another pillow throw. “I don‟t know who you are, but this is what I do know. She is my friend‟s best friend‟s wife, which means if you screw her over it‟ll be like screwing over my own wife, so I‟ll kick your ass like you‟ve never had your ass kicked before!” Thomas grabbed Monica‟s hand and came out of the room. “You have five minutes and counting.” Tammy sat on the counter table as Marcus paced. Finally he looked up at her with a softened expression. “It was my anniversary yesterday. I looked over at my wife‟s sleeping form and suddenly forgot her name. I could only remember the name Tammy, so I didn‟t want to speak. For that whole day, my only communication with my wife was through grunts. Because of that the bitch took my credit card and almost bought a mall full of brand names.” He stopped pacing and looked over at her. “I really don‟t have any excuses. We broke up and nothing was wrong with me. I think I had a harder time during a basketball upset than breaking up with you. But yesterday I couldn‟t think of anyone else but you and your sweet dark body—” “Just stop there so I can go and call Thomas back in here to kick your ass.” Tammy got up from the coffee table and scoffed. “You wanted to think of me, fine. But do it in a place that isn‟t my sister‟s home.” She turned to walk away, but he grabbed her arm. “You think I don‟t know about who you‟re married to now? Your moms are bragging all over church that you got yourself a Scottish man. Their daughter sold herself off, so they must be so proud—” “Let go of me!” Tammy kicked back against him, but he held on tightly.

“I figured you would never answer my phone calls, but that didn‟t stop me from trying to call you. I just hung up first. I bet you miss some of my big cock! You‟re as dark as ever, but you‟re still a good lay—” Thomas rushed back in and grabbed Marcus by the collar to drag him out of the room. “I knew it was your scream! Did he hurt you, baby?” Monica rushed to Tammy‟s side with her neat hair and clothing out of place. Tammy could see that her sister had been releasing a little stress outside but had managed to come when she needed her most. “I‟m okay…” Ignoring her sister‟s words, Monica held onto Tammy. She wrapped her shorter sister tight, holding her in place on the couch. Tammy shook in the same way she had when Marcus‟s mom told her she was too dark, in the same way she had when Marcus broke up with her, in the same way she had as she watched him get married to another woman. She shook and cried. “I‟m so sorry, baby,” Monica said as a few of her own tears fell. “I had no idea that Marcus still had this effect on you. I thought that you would have moved on with Eric—that‟s why I pushed you toward him even though you felt something was missing with him. But you know why you‟re running around doing A, B, and C to make Eric happy—things that he doesn't even ask from you? It's because your still hemorrhaging from the way this asshole Marcus broke your heart. You didn't give yourself time to heal. You got married! You can hemorrhage all you want here. Seriously hemorrhage. Then go back and give your husband the baby that you deserve.” “You‟re both going to pass out if you keep crying like that.” Thomas leaned on the wall as they cried, but he could no longer be passive. He brought a towel from the bathroom and dipped it in warm water. He passed it to Monica with a stiff hand. The woman gave him a grateful smile before she wiped down Tammy‟s face. “I‟m sorry. I don‟t know w-why I‟m b-b-being so emotional-l-l-l about this-s-s-s,” Tammy stuttered out. She pulled away from Monica and tried

to walk to the bathroom but swayed in front of Thomas. He caught her before she fell to the floor. “Baby…I mean, Thomas, bring her back over here. Let her lie down.” Thomas did what she suggested. She shook her head. “It‟s more than a few weeks late for this, darling, but when was your time again?” “I was thinking about Maria during that time, so I completely forgot about my period. But no…I haven‟t had it for a while. I‟ll have to go home to figure out how late I am though.” Monica didn‟t have to look over at Thomas to see his smile. She could already feel hers growing on her face. “One moment please, baby.” Monica went outside, pulling Thomas along with her. Tammy could hear a little bit of an argument outside, though she could only catch bits and pieces of what was being said. “You want me to do what? Okay, fine. Make sure that you both don‟t start crying again.” Tammy heard the end of Thomas‟s comments before she heard heavy footsteps going down the corridor and toward the elevator, she figured. “I had to send him off on an errand…” Monica said. She returned to her sister‟s side with a smile. “Lie down on the couch and don‟t worry.” Her sister rubbed her stomach with affection. “Hey, stop that, you‟re going to make me ticklish...” Tammy pushed her sister‟s hands away. “What are you doing with Thomas that is turning you so sentimental? I thought you said the only white guy you would ever date would be an actor…” Monica gave her sister a sharp look. “Most of them go into the acting game with baby mommas; okay, you know I don‟t get into that mess.” “But…is this a fling or is it for real?” Monica redid her hair in a messy side bun. “Aigoo, so many crazy words coming from the woman who got married without little sister—” “You act more like the older one—” “Never mind that! Whatever is going on in my panties is none of your business until you become an aunt.” Monica smiled. “And until I become

one as well. Make sure you give me a girl first so we can have more fun.” She touched her sister‟s stomach. “Make sure you‟re a girl, okay?” Tammy brushed her hand aside again. There was noise and banging coming from the hallway. “She‟s going to have that man‟s baby? Now I‟ve really seen everything. I would have never believed that Tammy is one to try and lighten her children!” Tammy tried to get up, but Monica brought her down as she grabbed a vase from her tabletop. She watched her sister go out of the room and waited a few steps before going to the door. Monica stepped in front of Thomas, who was looking down at the angry man clutching the ripped half of a grocery bag. “After everything that‟s happened, you should be on the floor thanking me that I still haven‟t hired anyone to dispose of your body. But now I can‟t take your face anymore. Lightening her children? Are you insane?! Those are my future nieces and nephews you‟re talking crap about!” Monica kept the vase at her side—making sure the man knew that she would be ready to throw it at him at anytime. “Are you saying that you and your toxically married ass want to be the father of your children? Wake up! Just because your happiness depends on her unhappiness doesn‟t mean you get to come here and start something when you can‟t have your way.” Tammy walked slowly out of the room with two more vases in her hands as Monica defended her. Though the pair had gone to mostly separate schools as children, Monica was always there to fight off bullies even though she was the younger one. Tammy had always been the more reserved child, the one who would only be able to fight if somehow in the middle of Monica‟s speech, the person ever tried to hurt her sister. She saw Marcus‟s hands turn into fists before both Thomas and Monica did. She ran as Monica fell into Thomas from Marcus‟s sudden push. Tammy threw the glass angrily. Marcus had walked away after he‟d pushed her sister, but the glass caught up to him and broke in pieces in front of him. It had been two inches away from the man‟s head, shocking him enough to keep him in place.

“I was never good at one-handed throwing. Lucky I only have one vase to concentrate on this time.” Marcus turned back at her words. Tammy faced him straight on with a tight smile. “I‟m going to say this quick, so listen, Marcus. Don‟t come near my sister. Don‟t come near my husband. Don‟t come near any of my figurative „lightened children.‟ Don‟t come near my moms or extended family. Don‟t ever think of calling my house again. Don‟t even say my name in jokes. Because if I ever see your face again—” Tammy made to throw the other glass. Marcus bent down to avoid the shatter. He looked up when the glass didn‟t fall. “I knew you wouldn‟t be able to throw—” Tammy was right in front of him. She brought the vase hard against his head, but not enough to break the glass. “What the fuck?!” He bent down to the floor, holding his head. “I‟m not playing around here, but if you want to try me, then go ahead.” She walked back to her sister and threw the glass behind herself. It landed a foot away from Marcus. He blocked the pieces with his arms but was still hit by a few shards. “I‟m fucking leaving, crazy bitch! Glad I left you!” He went to the elevator but kept looking anxiously back to Tammy‟s walking form. He ran to the emergency stairs instead, running all the way down. “This is why they say not to mess with the quiet ones…” Thomas trailed off. “You‟re not hurt from that glass, right? Monica, help her change. I‟ll put the test in the bathroom.” Thomas got up as Monica checked her sister over. There was no visible damage, but she looked hardened. Both of them walked back to the apartment without talking. Monica handed Tammy her clothing in the bathroom, a matching t-shirt dress in black. She finally let out a smile. She changed and then found the test that Thomas at been talking about on the bathroom countertop. A pregnancy test. She held it in her hands and gave Monica a raised brow.

“Umm…what do you expect? You don‟t remember your last period, you‟re tired and emotional and kind of hardcore right now. I figured the only thing that would make you this way would be either a demon possession or pregnancy.” Tammy rolled her eyes and returned to the bathroom. “Both of them are wasting their time…” she said. But looking down at the box gave her a little pang of guilt. It was true that she had stopped remembering her periods and had even given up on birth control pills and condoms, but that was only because Eric‟s baby talk had gotten to her. The sooner she had someone who looked just like him and her, the sooner her sudden urges would go away. Both the urge to stuff a pillow under her shirt to see what she would look like pregnant, and the urge to answer when any child was calling for their mother. “I could try…” She exited the bathroom after taking the test. A little dreamily, she sat beside Monica with a nod she held her hand. The other woman held back tightly. **** Tammy ran into her house, locking the door and throwing off her shoes. She saw a light in the bedroom and ran toward it. “Eric, I‟m—” Her words cut off as she saw him sitting on the bed beside an empty but opened suitcase. An opened mailbox was beside his feet. It was a box with a familiar name on the package. When she had gone shopping with Monica, Sun Dae and Yi Hee the day of Maria‟s fashion show, all of them had been talked into trying a new form of birth control. The contest would give the winner a free year‟s supply. “I guess I won,” Tammy said. She smiled, but he did not return it. “How long have you been using birth control? I thought that after we got married you would stop somehow. But it‟s already been a year. Why do you still need these things when we‟re married? “I feel like I‟m invisible in front of you, Tammy. I seriously question whether you want to make a family here with me or if you‟re just waiting for someone better. I mean, I appreciate the way that you take care of „my

pleasure‟ in bed, but you hardly ever let me inside you… Are you using these pills so you can be with someone else?” Eric wasn‟t yelling, but the tears poured down Tammy‟s face even worse than if he was. She knew Monica would most likely kill her for it, but she put the pills in the garbage. She sat on Eric‟s lap, wrapping her legs around his form. “Sorry for not considering you and just acting on my own. But I‟m not afraid to have a family with you.” She pulled him closer, feeling him as he wrapped his arms tightly around her body. “I really want our family and our babies. I‟m in love with you, Hubby C.” “Why only now, though?” he asked. “Because you got me pregnant. Now take responsibility.” He couldn‟t say anything as tears fell down his face. He would only react with his body. He kissed her deeply, letting his tongue embrace hers. He finally pulled away first with a smile. “What was with those birth control pills?” “Your kind and lucky wife was woman-handed into signing up for a contest with her sister and friends, and I won. Now your kind and lucky wife wants to treat you to something special.” Tammy grinded her crotch down into Eric‟s until she felt like she was going insane. The heat that pooled into her pussy matched the wetness. It felt like if she didn‟t stop soon, she would become even more pregnant than she already was. “Do you think it was easy for me to be away from this feeling? It‟s just that a woman needs time to heal after round after round of such intense lovemaking. I felt like my thighs were going to enter another galaxy if I didn‟t stop for a while. But I still wanted to please you…” “I‟d rather have the full thing, darling. And if your legs are tired, don‟t worry, I‟ll do all the work.” He rested her on the bed, slowly going over her body as he took off both of their clothing and then finally kissed her stomach. “I‟m going to be someone‟s daddy.” Tammy looked up at the joy in Eric‟s eyes, feeling like she was seeing him for the first time. He had been feeling like an invisible husband for a while, she figured. But she had made him into one of her actions. She had been hurt by Marcus enough to forget about the great life she had now.

And Maria‟s appearance had her concentrating on how to keep her great life, instead of on the fact that her new husband made it great. Without her thinking about his feelings, he became her invisible husband. But she‟d realized the moment just before her husband turned from invisible to simply gone. The empty suitcase beside their naked bodies proved it—she kicked at it. Eric held her in place, moving the suitcase under the bed himself before returning to her body. Tammy smiled. But I smartened up, she thought. I deserve better than what I put up with in the past. My scars are finally in check. Eric ran his hands over her body, emitting moan after moan from Tammy. He was back to doing what he did best—giving her love. She pulled him closer to her—one body always, but now one mind as well— and at that moment she couldn`t think of a better place for her to be than under him, receiving that love. The End

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