Indulging Ivan An A-Z Story
By Kim Dare
Resplendence Publishing, LLC http://www.resplendencepublishing.com
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Indulging Ivan An A-Z Story
By Kim Dare
Resplendence Publishing, LLC http://www.resplendencepublishing.com
Indulging Ivan Copyright © 2012 Kim Dare Edited by Christine Allen-Riley and Jason Huffman Cover art by Les Byerley, www.les3photo8.com Published by Resplendence Publishing, LLC 2665 N Atlantic Avenue, #349 Daytona Beach, FL 32118 Electronic format ISBN: 978-1-60735-538-0 Warning: All rights reserved. The unauthorized reproduction or distribution of this copyrighted work is illegal. Criminal copyright infringement, including infringement without monetary gain, is investigated by the FBI and is punishable by up to 5 years in federal prison and a fine of $250,000. Electronic Release: July 2012 This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and occurrences are a product of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, places or occurrences, is purely coincidental.
To getting what you need instead of what you want.
Chapter One
“What’s it like?” Langdon Davies slammed down the lid on his laptop and twisted around in his chair. Normally, if he caught a cute guy peeking over his shoulder while he flicked through some random bits of internet porn, he’d have happily invited the other man to join him. If the guy turned out to be kinky, Langdon wouldn’t have hesitated to suggest they replicate whatever they saw on the screen, too. Langdon’s heartbeat sped up as he studied the specific young man that stood in his bedroom doorway. He was certainly very cute. He was also completely off limits. “I thought you were going to be at uni, in some lecture all morning,” Langdon said, when he realized he was staring at the boy like a lust-struck fool. Ivan remained in the doorway. He pushed his hands deeper into his jeans pockets and scuffed the toe of one trainer against the carpet, but he offered no apology for spying on Langdon. “The professor is down with flu.” “Oh.” Langdon remained half-turned in the desk chair. He cursed himself for not shutting the guestroom door, but for some reason he couldn’t bring himself to tell Ivan to bugger off. It was Ivan’s place, or at least the place he shared with his older brother, Talbot. Ivan was twenty years old, no doubt he had the right to stand wherever he wanted. And, as Talbot’s guest, Langdon was… Damn, but Ivan really was the most stunning guy Langdon had ever set eyes on. No matter how logical or sensible he tried to be about the issue, it was impossible to ignore just how pretty Talbot’s brother was. Langdon cleared his throat and repeated the same warning he’d given himself every day for the last three weeks. As Talbot’s guest, it would be completely out of order for him to hit on Ivan.
Three years spent together at university might have convinced Langdon that Talbot didn’t care that he was gay, but it had also taught him the other man was hellishly protective of his family. “Don’t worry,” Langdon said, as neutrally as possible. “I’ll shut the door and keep the noise down. You can study in peace. I won’t disturb you.” Bugger! Langdon realized just a moment too late that it sounded like a promise to come quietly while he jacked off to downloadable porn. Langdon gritted his teeth and forced himself not to backtrack or try to re-word his statement—his inner dom refused to show that sort of weakness in front of anyone, let alone a man he longed to dominate. “I saw what you were watching.” Ivan took a step forward, crossing the threshold into Langdon’s temporary bedroom. Langdon was damned if he’d blush like a teenager. He raised an eyebrow instead. “Don’t tell me it’s the first time you’ve seen two people getting their rocks off online? Does Talbot keep the computer’s parental controls switched on or something?” He wouldn’t have actually put it past Talbot to do that. Ivan took another pace closer. “What’s it like?” he asked again. Langdon realized then that he hadn’t answered that question the first time Ivan asked it. He folded his arms and rested them on the back of the chair as he played for time. “What’s what like?” “Kissing another man.” Ivan was very fair skinned. It suited his pretty features and went well with his excess of floppy blond hair, it also made it very difficult not to notice when his cheeks turned pink with embarrassment. The boy bit down on his bottom lip, making his mouth more kissable than ever. Langdon kept his expression bland and thanked any deity watching over him that the images Ivan had glimpsed on the laptop gave him a great excuse for a hard-on that had nothing to do with the net, and everything to do with the man standing before him. “I…guess it’s not that different to kissing a girl.” Talbot will have your balls on a platter if you make a move on his little brother. Langdon repeated that rather more serious warning over and over again inside his head. Talbot had invited him to make use of his guestroom for a few weeks after moving to the city in
the hope of finding a new job. He hadn’t invited Langdon to make use of his brother until he established himself on the local leather scene. Ivan crept closer still. “I never have.” Langdon shifted as subtly as possible in his chair. His jeans were now uncomfortably tight across his crotch. “You never have what?” “Kissed a girl.” Langdon forced a smile. “Well, you shouldn’t have too much trouble finding one who wants to show you how it’s done. You must have every girl in the university throwing herself at you!” Ivan shrugged. He was already over halfway across Langdon’s bedroom. Damn, but it had been a long time since Langdon had the chance to hook up with a good sub. Those on the local scene where he’d spent the last few years had proved to be the most manipulative, lying bunch of little bastards he’d ever met. He’d have been kidding himself if he said he hadn’t hoped to find a new sub as well as a new job up here in the north of the country. Langdon ran his eyes over Ivan from top to toe and back again. He wasn’t wearing anything special, just jeans and a T-shirt, typical student clothes. But Ivan made them look so good that Langdon would have given almost anything to see the body hidden beneath them. He’d never felt so drawn to another man in his life. Even a few months of celibacy couldn’t explain it to his satisfaction, and— “Will you?” Langdon quickly transferred his attention back to Ivan’s face. “Pardon?” “Will you show me how it’s done?” Ivan asked. Their eyes met. The boy looked serious. “Show you how to kiss a girl?” Langdon frowned. Surely Ivan had realized he was gay? The porn he was watching should have made the penny drop, even if nothing else had. “That’s not really my field of…” His words faded away as Ivan shook his head. “Show you how to kiss a guy?” Langdon rephrased. Ivan now stood less than a yard away from Langdon’s chair. He ran his tongue over his bottom lip before nibbling at it again. He nodded.
“You want me to kiss you?” Langdon checked, leaning back a little, as if an extra few inches of distance between them would make any difference in his current predicament. “Would you mind?” Ivan murmured. One more step brought him to stand directly alongside Langdon’s chair. It was damn near impossible for Langdon to remember such vague concepts as being a visitor in his friend’s house. The guestroom faded away until all that remained was Ivan. Even so, Langdon would have liked to have believed himself able to resist the huge temptation that fate placed in front of him. Then, Ivan knelt. Everything changed. The moment the boy dropped to his knees in front of Langdon, all bets were off. Maybe in Ivan’s world, all he’d done was bring himself to a more easily kissable height for a man sitting in a chair. In Langdon’s version of reality, kneeling in front of another man meant only one thing—submission. Langdon’s grip on the chair’s back threatened to snap its frame in two. His breath caught in his throat as Ivan tipped back his head and peered up at him. Big blue eyes blinked very slowly, once, then twice. “Please?” The idea of self-restraint disappeared from Langdon’s world. The only kind of restraints he could think about were made of leather and would look incredibly hot wrapped around Ivan’s wrists. Langdon placed his hand high up on the side of Ivan’s neck. His thumb slid back and forth over Ivan’s cheek. It was still early in the day. Ivan had apparently shaved before heading out to his lecture. There wasn’t a hint of stubble on his skin. Ivan’s eyes fell closed. Leaning forward in his chair, Langdon dipped his head and brushed his lips against Ivan’s mouth. Until that moment, he’d been able to convince at least part of himself into believing that he’d be able to stop there. Ivan was a sweet kid, almost unbelievably innocent for his age. All Langdon had done was indulge the boy’s curiosity and given him the most chaste kiss in creation. No harm, no foul. Even Talbot would probably have forgiven him for that.
But, Ivan’s lips slowly parted in invitation. He let out a sweet little whimper, and Langdon was lost. Sliding his hand farther back, he buried his fingers in the younger man’s hair and pulled him forward, just far enough to have Ivan completely off balance. Ivan gasped. His hands caught hold of Langdon’s arms, but he made no attempt to push him away. He only tried to drag himself closer. His mouth opened a little farther, begging Langdon to deepen the kiss. Very happy to grant that particular request, Langdon ran his tongue across Ivan’s bottom lip before starting to explore Ivan’s mouth in earnest. So sweet—and not just because it was evident Ivan didn’t have a clue what he was doing or because Langdon knew he’d conquered virgin territory. He literally tasted sweet—just like those cans of fizzy drink he seemed to live on. Langdon heard himself growl, deep in the back of his throat as he tightened his grip on Ivan’s hair. A noise somewhere far off in the distance made Langdon frown, but it didn’t inspire any inclination to break the kiss. “Langdon? Are you here?” Before Langdon had a chance to process those words, Ivan demanded all of his attention. Sudden panic seemed to consume the younger man. Without warning, he tried to jerked away and escape the embrace. Langdon released him the moment he asked to be freed, but apparently that wasn’t enough for Ivan. He pushed himself away from Langdon once more. Unable to keep his balance without Langdon’s help, he toppled backward. Even then, Ivan didn’t stop. He scrambled away until his shoulder hit the bedframe. Before Langdon could say a word to try to calm him down and reassure him that it was no big deal if he was, or wasn’t, as gay as he’d thought he might be, Ivan had pulled himself up onto the bed, grabbed a book off Langdon’s nightstand and dropped it on his own lap. “You are here,” Talbot grumbled from the still open doorway. “Answer a man when he shouts, will you?” Langdon glanced toward Ivan. The boy had quick reactions and a good head in an emergency, too. There weren’t many men who’d both kissed Langdon and saved him from being castrated in the matter of a few minutes.
“Ivan?” Langdon heard the frown in his friend’s voice long before he turned his attention back to him. “What are you doing in Lang’s room? And aren’t you supposed to be at uni all day today?” “Borrowing a book,” Ivan said, his voice was impressively level, all things considered. Langdon stole a quick peek at the title doing a sterling job of concealing Ivan’s crotch. One Thousand And One Facts About Football. It had been a present from his sister the previous Christmas, one he’d been flicking through before falling asleep the previous night. Apparently, Talbot could read the cover of a book, too. “What do you want that for? You don’t even like football.” “No, but I like books. I thought this might help me get more interested in the game,” Ivan didn’t even blink as he said it. “Thanks for letting me borrow it.” With that, Ivan slipped out of the room and headed toward his own bedroom. Talbot shook his head as he watched him go. “Don’t start indulging him, Lang. He’s not half as sweet as he looks. If you’re not careful he’ll have you wrapped around his little finger and proofreading his damn essays inside a week.” Langdon bit back a wry chuckle. If only Talbot knew what kind of request he’d actually been indulging… “So, what are you doing back so early?” Langdon asked in an effort to introduce a new topic. “The client I was supposed to be showing a house had the flu.” “Yeah,” Langdon murmured. “There’s a lot of that going around…” Talbot gave him a strange look, but shook his head and quickly dismissed the strange comment as unimportant. “I’m free until lunch. Want to hit the gym?” Langdon nodded. “Give me a few minutes to get my stuff together. I’ll meet you in the lobby.” Talbot disappeared with a grunt that was probably intended to indicate agreement. Langdon glanced down at his tenting fly. Ivan hadn’t been the only one hoping Talbot didn’t notice his hard-on during that conversation. Langdon transferred his attention to his watch. No, he sighed. His gym gear was all in his bag and ready to go, but he still didn’t have time to jack off before he left. The last thing he needed was for Talbot to come looking for him
and find him with his fist wrapped around his cock and an image of his little brother in the forefront of his mind. **** “Did Talbot say anything to you about…um…anything?” Ivan asked the moment Langdon came into view. Langdon spun away from the bathroom door, halfway through closing it in his wake. “Damn, but you have a bad habit of creeping up on a man!” Ivan tried to smile, but he was sure his nerves still showed through. There was no logical reason why he should be anxious. Everything was going almost exactly to plan, but his heart still raced faster than he’d even known was possible. Langdon adjusted the towel he’d wrapped around his waist, before rubbing at his hair with the other towel that he carried in his hand. “Were you waiting out here to pounce the moment I left the bathroom?” “Yes.” Ivan was in no mood to lie—at least, not about that. With any luck, the element of surprise would have the other man off balance and more inclined to follow whatever prompts Ivan gave him. While Langdon held him in suspense regarding his conversation with Talbot, long established habits kicked in. Ivan did his best to examine the other man’s body language for clues to his mood and emotions but it wasn’t easy to concentrate on that task while there was so much bare skin on display. Langdon hadn’t done a very good job of drying himself before he left the bathroom. Water still clung to the dark brown hairs on his chest and ran in complicated little trails down his body. Ivan swallowed rapidly, wondering what those droplets would taste like. Would they be bland like normal water or would there be a special something about them now that they’d caressed Langdon’s skin? Would they taste like naked man? Langdon strode down the hall toward his bedroom, his damp feet leaving faint outlines on the carpet in their wake. Ivan hurried behind him. The idea of lapping up the droplets that clung to Langdon’s back appealed just as much as tasting those that caressed his chest. In his bedroom, Langdon tossed one towel on the back of his desk chair. Unfortunately, it wasn’t the one from around his waist—that towel remained firmly in place. “Your brother just thinks you came to me to borrow a book,” Langdon finally said.
Ivan nodded from the doorway. Langdon still had his back to him. There was no way he could notice the gesture, but Ivan was damned if he’d say a word before he could be confident that his voice would come out level and at an appropriate pitch for his age. Acting all shy and uncertain was one thing. Actually turning into someone with no control of his own vocal cords was quite another. Langdon combed his hair, sprayed on deodorant and walked across to his wardrobe. Ivan was the happy audience to it all. Then, as if remembering someone else was there, Langdon turned around. “Is there anything else you want?” “It’s good.” Langdon showed no emotion as he waited, apparently quite patiently, for Ivan to start to make sense. “I mean, it’s good that Langdon doesn’t know about, um, anything.” “You haven’t spoken to him about…” Langdon glanced into his wardrobe but he seemed more intent on choosing his next words with care than upon selecting his clothes. “About the fact you don’t know if you’re as straight as he might assume you are?” “I…” Ivan made a point of choosing his words with equal care. “I think there are some things it’s easier to talk about with someone who’s, um, been there and done that.” Langdon chuckled. Success rushed through Ivan’s veins. He’d made Langdon sound happy. He’d made him smile, too. Langdon hadn’t smiled as much as he should have since he’d come to stay with them. “Fair enough,” Langdon said. “Your secret is safe with me. You can tell your brother at your own pace.” “You don’t mind that I think I might like men more than women?” Ivan asked, cautiously closing the gap between them. “Hardly my place to object to the possibility of there being one extra gay guy in the world.” He looked over his shoulder. “You’re still not sure one way or the other?” Ivan immediately fell still and did his damnedest to make it look like he hadn’t moved in the first place. “I’m working on it.” He made a point of looking down and hesitating before he asked the next question. “You don’t mind me talking to you about…stuff?” Langdon’s voice was a fraction softer now. “No, kiddo, I don’t mind you using me as a sounding board or whatever.” He looked back to the wardrobe. “I could have done with a guy
like that when I came out.” The last words were mumbled under his breath, as if said more to himself than to Ivan. Reaching the desk chair where Langdon had sat the first time Ivan invited himself into the room, Ivan lowered himself onto the seat. It was more luck than judgment that his backside found its target, because he didn’t take his eyes off Langdon for a single second. “What was it like for you?” Langdon glanced toward him and blinked as if coming back to the here and now from some time for place far away. “Coming out, you mean?” Langdon studied his clothes again. “All the clichés are true. Those who really give a damn about you won’t care which way you swing. As for anyone else—sod them.” “Your family were bastards about it,” Ivan realized all at once. Langdon laughed as he dropped a pair of tight-fitting boxer shorts and a pair of socks onto his bed. Ivan’s realizations deepened to include the fact he’d just said that aloud. He cursed himself, but Langdon brushed it all off as if it were nothing. “Yeah, something like that,” he said. “But the good people, like my sister—or someone like Talbot, for instance—they really don’t care.” It couldn’t have been more obvious that he was trying to reassure Ivan if he’d wrapped him in a bear hug and patted him on the head. “Your brother doesn’t care I’m gay, and I’m sure he won’t care that you are either.” Ivan cheeks colored. “Who was your first?” he blurted out, very eager to change the subject now, especially if it could be toward something to do with sex. Langdon pulled a pair of jeans out of the wardrobe, followed by a T-shirt. Please, let it be a better memory for him. Ivan wasn’t sure who he prayed to. He wasn’t sure if gay men had a saint associated with them, but he hoped like hell he hadn’t brought another bad memory to the forefront of Langdon’s mind—that hadn’t been part of his plan at all. “A guy I met not long after I moved into my own place. It was… enlightening.” “Really?” Ivan prompted. Langdon tossed a pair of trainers on the floor alongside his bed. He had all his clothes laid out now. The next logical step was for him to put some of those clothes on.
Truth be told, Ivan was quite happy for him not to bother wearing anything at all. On the other hand, he was very much in favor of any scenario that led to the towel being cast aside, for however brief a period it turned out to be. Ivan sat perfectly still and silent. Langdon stared at the clothes for a moment. Apparently, that was all the time he needed in order to reach a decision. He took off his towel and dropped it on the floor just as casually as he might have if he stood naked in the changing room at the gym. There may as well have been a bright red sign above his head declaring that he was “acting naturally”, nothing had changed just because Ivan had declared an interest in kissing men. Ivan smiled, but he didn’t dip his head the way he usually would have at that point. There was a time and a place for flirting with someone through his lashes, and now was not it. Now was the time to stare hard and take in every single detail of another man’s naked body. Langdon’s back was toward Ivan. Running his eyes from Langdon’s shoulders, over his back muscles and finally to his arse, Ivan took in every detail of the newly exposed skin. His fist furled up tighter and tighter as his cock grew hard. The guy had a really wonderful behind. Ivan ached to reach out and stroke his fingers down the other man’s spine, all the way to the little dip between his buttocks and maybe even farther down until— Langdon turned around. No. Ivan decided, right there and then that it wasn’t Langdon’s arse that he wanted to play with. He wanted Langdon’s cock. Hell, his mouth actually watered at the sight of him. Langdon was more than a little bit hard. That was good. It wasn’t quite the same as seeing him completely up and ready to go, but Ivan had a good imagination and he fully intended to put it to use next time he was alone with lube on his hand. That, of course, assumed that he didn’t have factual details to work from by that point. It would be even better to have had a good look at the real thing, or maybe even a taste of it. The hairs around the base of Langdon’s cock were trimmed short and neat, just like those over his balls. Tiny droplets of water clung here and there. Ivan held back a whimper. It was all he could do to stop himself from rushing across the room and throwing himself at the other man. A little voice in the back of his head suggested that
Langdon might be okay with him doing that. It was possible that Langdon wouldn’t mind. He could even like the idea of screwing his best friend’s virginal younger brother. No, it was too big a risk. Ivan was far better off sticking to his plan. “What?” Langdon suddenly asked. “You want all the gory details?” Ivan blinked. It took him a second to remember what they were discussing. Langdon’s first time. Right. “Yes, please.” Any information that involved both Langdon and sex time was good with him. Langdon chuckled, he also moved about in a very strange way. Ivan realized too late why the other man wriggled around like that. He’d started to get dressed and cover up his bare skin. That was so wrong. Ivan wanted to scream out against it but, somehow, he forced himself to sit quietly in his seat as Langdon pulled on his pants. “If I’m honest, it wasn’t all that spectacular,” Langdon said. “Neither of us knew what we were doing.” “You were topping.” It didn’t even occur to Ivan to make it a question. That cock would be wasted on a confirmed bottom, so would Langdon’s attitude. He projected his ability to be a wonderful top with every movement he made and every word that left his lips. “Yeah.” Langdon took his jeans off the bed and stepped into them. “Although I don’t think it would have gone any better if Brian had been topping. It was awkward and clumsy and, well, after speaking to a few other guys, pretty much the same as every other gay man’s first attempt.” He laughed and pushed his hand through his hair. Ivan smiled on pure reflex. It was impossible to stay serious when Langdon found something amusing. At that moment, Langdon turned toward Ivan. Their eyes met. “On the plus side, I can promise you that it gets a hell of a lot better once at least one of the people involved knows what he’s doing.” “I believe you.” That’s why I’m going to lose my virginity to you. Ivan had no doubt that Langdon belonged firmly upon the list of men who knew what they were doing. Langdon pulled a long sleeve T-shirt over his head, hiding away almost every bit of skin that Ivan had been able to admire until that point. Luckily, Ivan was reasonably sure he’d already memorized most of the other man.
“Anything else you want to ask me about?” Langdon said as he sat down on his bed to pull on his socks and shoes. The question caught Ivan off guard. He blurted out the truth before taking even a second to decide if that would be the best way for him to achieve his ultimate objective. “What’s your type?” A little frown appeared between Langdon’s eyebrows. “I don’t mean to be nosy,” Ivan rushed to add, the moment he realized he’d tipped his hand too soon. “I just…I’ve heard most gay guys have a particular type of man they like, right?” Langdon ruffled his damp hair, completely destroying the style he’d combed into the dark brown strands just a few minutes earlier. “Yeah, I guess so, although the same probably goes for straight guys.” Ivan remained silent in the hope that it would encourage the other man to step up and fill the gap. Langdon stared toward the blank wall opposite him as if debating his options very thoroughly. “I suppose you could say I like guys who aren’t too much like me.” He reached for a trainer. “I’d drive someone like me mad, arguing all the time, trying to make all the decisions for us both. It’s not easy to have sex when you can’t even decide who’ll be calling the shots, let alone who should top!” “That’s it?” Ivan asked, as guilelessly as he could manage. “I thought it would be more specific.” “All that bull about ‘he has to be six foot ten, own his own company and drive a car that does naught to sixty in two-milliseconds’? Don’t believe a word of it, kiddo. When it comes right down to it, it’s all about chemistry.” He finished doing up the laces on his first trainer and reached for the second. Ivan watched his hands, imagining them doing something very different and far less innocent. “Me,” Langdon said. “I realized very early on that I have the best sex when I’m with the kind of man who enjoys just letting go and who’ll accept that I’ll be making all the calls.” He shrugged. “Not everyone’s the same. Other guys like completely different things. Some like the exact opposite.”
Ivan nodded. Chilled out and obedient, he could work with that. All he had to do now was decide how to make sure that Langdon gave him the right orders when the time came for him to enact the next stage of his plan.
Chapter Two
“Do you know if Tal’s in tonight?” Langdon flicked onto another TV channel without looking over his shoulder. Ever since he’d realized that Ivan might swing in his direction three days before, he found it best to look at the other man as little as possible. “He went out a while ago. Someone he works with wants to set him up with his girlfriend’s sister or something. I think it’s a double date type thing.” “Oh…okay. Um…if he asks where I am when he gets in, just tell him; well…just tell him not to wait up.” All of Langdon’s careful attempts to ignore the boy disappeared through the window. “You’re going out?” He turned on the sofa and looked toward the door leading from the living room to the hallway. “Where are you going?” Langdon demanded. It was only luck that made him say that rather than where the hell do you think you’re going dressed like that? It wasn’t safe for the boy to go anywhere in that get up. He was a walking, talking invitation to sin. Okay, so at that particular moment he was a standing still and completely silent invitation to sin, but that didn’t mean Langdon was any the less horrified by the idea of another man seeing Ivan dressed the way he was. In all the time he’d been staying with the brothers, Langdon hadn’t known Ivan to go out in the evenings. As hot as the boy was, he was also undeniably serious about his studies. He went to lectures, not nightclubs. The fact he’d be out of his depth in whichever club he went to was irrelevant. Ivan in leather trousers was hotter than anything Langdon had seen in any bar or club. Unless the scene around here was very different than the one Langdon had just left, Ivan was bound to be the star of whichever establishment he chose to grace with his presence.
Langdon ran his eyes over Ivan’s outfit one more time. The trousers were skintight. They clung to every line of Ivan’s body, including that of his cock—clearly outlining his shaft. Above that, he wore a short, black T-shirt so thin it looked like… No, Langdon mentally corrected himself. It really was made of mesh. Where the hell had Ivan been hiding those clothes for the last three weeks? The next thought followed quickly behind. Langdon had no doubt Ivan would look even better wearing nothing at all. Langdon was more desperate to see him naked than ever. It was no longer a want. He needed to be the one who took those clothes off Ivan at the end of the night. “I heard about this club,” Ivan said. “I thought I might check it out. Do you think I’ll fit in?” He turned around, allowing Langdon to check him out from every angle. “A gay club?” Stupid question. He’d hardly be looking to him for a second opinion if he was going to straight place. “Yeah.” Ivan blushed. “It’s called Andrew’s Cross.” Bloody hell. With a name like that, it had to be a kinky hook-up spot. They’d eat him alive—quite possibly literally. “You’re sure you’re ready for that?” Langdon asked, moving so he sat on the edge of the sofa seat. He wasn’t precisely sure what good that would do—it wasn’t as if he could tackle the boy to the floor and refuse to let him leave the flat. Although, he was reasonably sure that Talbot would only thank him for doing that once the full details of the situation were explained to him. “I can’t put it off forever,” Ivan said. He looked down, as if he’d been about to add something else, then thought better of it. “Anything you want to say?” Langdon invited, as casually as he could. “I…I’ve decided it’s time to find out for sure which way I swing, once and for all,” Ivan announced. “I can’t be bi-curious forever.” Langdon murmured noncommittally. “I’m going to find a suitable guy at the club, and I’m going to give him a blow job. If I like it, I think I can put a big tick in the gay box.” Ivan said it so simply. He might have been blushing, but there was no hint that he saw any flaw with the plan other than the fact it might cause him a little bit of embarrassment.
Langdon would have been somewhat intrigued by the logic behind the idea if he hadn’t been so horrified by it being applied to an innocent like Ivan. “How exactly do you define a suitable guy?” Ivan shrugged. “I’m sure I’ll know him when I see him, or something…” “So, you can tell if someone is a serial killer just by looking at him?” Langdon tried for a lighthearted tone and failed miserably. Ivan hesitated. “How do you pick a good man to hook up with when you go to a club?” Langdon considered the boy carefully for several seconds. There might only have been five years or so difference in their ages, but they were a world apart in terms of both knowledge and experience. If Langdon was any judge, they were the exact opposite in inclination. Knowing how to spot a good sub was one thing. When it came to picking a good dom out of the crowd, or even picking a sane vanilla lover out from a bar full of men, that really wasn’t something he’d ever even considered. Langdon pushed a hand through his hair. “Well…” At that point, he realized that he’d been looking at the question from entirely the wrong angle. This wasn’t about what he did. This was all about what sort of sensible precautions Ivan should take in order to arrive home in one piece. “The first thing you need to do is make sure you’ll be safe with whoever you’re going to be alone with.” Ivan nodded, but it was the same kind of polite little nod he’d have given if someone told him to look both ways before crossing the road. “I’m serious, kiddo,” Langdon said, straightening up in his chair. “There are some weird guys out there. You can’t be too careful. You don’t want to rush into anything.” Just because Langdon had been reckless as hell, there was no reason Ivan should be allowed to be the same. Ivan stepped forward and perched on the arm of the easy chair to Langdon’s right. “So, you think I’d be better off testing the waters with someone I know?” he asked, nibbling on the tip of one finger. “Yes,” Langdon had never been more certain of anything in his life. “Only one problem with that plan,” Ivan said, staring at the floor between them. “I don’t know any gay men.” “You know me, don’t you?” Langdon blurted out. Ivan looked up and met his eyes.
Langdon realized then that his chances of getting out of the conversation without looking like a letch hitting on his best friend’s kid brother were shrinking by the second. “Yeah, I know you,” Ivan allowed. “But, well, a kiss is one thing…” I know, I didn’t mean to suggest that— But, before Langdon could voice any of the things he was sure he needed to say at that point, Ivan spoke up again. “Asking a guy to kiss you, even when he doesn’t really fancy you, is bad enough. But, asking him to let you go down on him… That’s just above and beyond any favor a man should feel obliged to do for his friend’s brother, right?” Ivan chuckled, apparently willing to take a moment to laugh at himself despite his nerves. Langdon couldn’t bring himself to join in the mirth. “I’m not sure how to break this to you, Ivan, but most men don’t really consider receiving a no strings blow job to be a hardship.” Ivan looked up once again. The second their eyes met, Langdon knew there was only one way the night would end. The TV screen flickered and continued to cast a varying colored glow across the room, but neither of them could spare a moment to look at the screen. “You mean you wouldn’t mind me…?” Ivan’s voice was barely above a whisper. “Sure,” Langdon said, with easy generosity. “If you asked me, I’d say yes.” He had to ask. Whenever Langdon looked back on that day, he had to know that whatever happened between them only occurred because Ivan had come right out and asked for it. He had to be able to convince Talbot of that fact, too. And, yeah, the less noble side of him really wanted to hear the boy say it. Ivan dropped his gaze before peeking back up through his lashes. It should have been impossible to look shy and so delicious at the same time. “May I suck you off, please?” “Yes.” Ivan’s lips twitched into a smile. He nibbled at his bottom lip. Standing, he stepped forward, closer to Langdon and the sofa. “Not here,” Langdon said, before the other man had a chance to drop to his knees. “Oh, okay.”
That was it. Ivan took a step back, his first instincts apparently encouraging him to give complete control of the location, and possibly of every other decision regarding his sex life, over to Langdon without a second thought. As they walked down the hall, Langdon placed his hand on the small of Ivan’s back, marking out his property, even when there was no one else within sight. He’d always thought people who talked about feeling a spark when they touched were soppy idiots, but his fingers genuinely tingled. Either that, or pure expectation had sent adrenaline all the way to his fingertips. “Where do you want—?” “Your room,” Langdon cut in. “In case Talbot comes back and looks for you in your room, right?” Ivan asked. “That would be logical.” It was also something that hadn’t even occurred to Langdon. He simply wanted to be the first man to visit Ivan’s bed. He wanted Ivan thinking about him every time he went to that bed alone. And, as stupid a desire as it was, in that moment, he genuinely wanted to believe that Ivan would never take another man there. Oblivious to everything going on inside Langdon’s head, Ivan opened the door and led the way into his room. Langdon paused for a moment on the threshold. He’d never had any reason to venture in there before. He wasn’t sure what he’d expected Ivan’s bedroom to be like, perhaps like the guestroom—all bland and minimalist, or like Talbot’s room—a shrine to the sporting prowess they’d both displayed at university. “I like reading.” Langdon glanced across at Ivan. The younger man stood there, dressed to thrill and surrounded by more books than Langdon had ever seen outside a library. There was something just a little bit defiant in his pretty, blue eyes when their gazes met. His expression damn near dared Langdon to have a problem with the fact that practically every flat surface bowed under the strain of weighty tomes. Each wall was lined with shelves and every one of them was crammed full, but it didn’t stop there. Piles of books covered the floor, the desk, the chair, everywhere. “Langdon?” Ivan prompted.
Langdon looked around once more and gave a calculated shrug. “At least the bed is clear.” Although “clear” was actually an understatement in that particular instance. The bed was so perfectly made; it would have passed a room inspection by even the strictest sergeant major. By the time Langdon turned his attention back to Ivan, the younger man’s expression had already altered. Relief filled his eyes. “So, you haven’t changed your mind?” Langdon closed the door behind him. “I don’t switch courses that easily.” Moving into the middle of the room, he squared his shoulders, folded his arms across his chest and forced himself to remain there, completely unmoving. If Ivan wanted this, the boy needed to be sure about it. “So…?” Langdon prompted, and left it at that. “You said you like to call the shots when you’re with another guy, that you enjoy bossing your, um…dates around and telling them what to do,” Ivan reminded him, his fingers fidgeting with the spine of the book resting topmost on a pile at his side. “I don’t have to be in control to enjoy myself,” Langdon corrected. The fact that he couldn’t remember a time when he hadn’t been giving orders during sex was entirely beside the point. “Oh.” Langdon frowned. Ivan looked…disappointed. He shifted his weight from one foot to the other, as if struggling with a problem so complex; there wasn’t enough room for it in his head while he remained still. “Second thoughts?” Langdon asked. “No, I just… I guess I might have liked the idea.” “Of being told what to do?” Ivan nodded. He held his head turned to one side so Langdon could only see his profile, but that did nothing to hide his blush. The idea was so tempting and, as hard as Langdon had tried to avoid thinking about it over the last few days, it was clear that Ivan would make a bloody brilliant submissive. “Make no mistake, Ivan,” Langdon warned. “Whatever we do, it will be because you choose to do it. Obeying my orders doesn’t mean you can in any way abdicate responsibility for yourself. If things go too far or too fast, I’ll still expect you to let me know.” “I can do that,” Ivan whispered, hope filling every word.
Langdon stared across at him for what felt like a full minute. Ivan didn’t move a single muscle. He was like a statue in some fancy museum. Except in this case, Langdon had the power to command the artwork to step down off its pedestal and get on its knees in front of him. “Okay,” Langdon said. “But if you want to say stop, that’s fine—remember that.” “I will.” He was so earnest it was sweet. Langdon couldn’t help but smile as he strolled to the bed and sat down on the edge. Ivan’s eyes tracked his progress, but no other part of the younger man’s body moved. “Come here.” Ivan moved closer and dropped down to his knees at Langdon’s feet. It seemed so natural for him to do that—as if he felt safe there, being watched over by a more dominant man. “Lesson number one for giving blow jobs,” Langdon announced, making an effort to keep his tone light and friendly, even as his mindset became more serious by the moment. “No matter how gay you might be, you’ll enjoy going down on someone a lot more if you’re comfortable while you do it.” He grabbed a pillow from the top of the bed and dropped it on the floor. Ivan duly moved it beneath his knees. “Better?” Ivan glanced up at him through his lashes. “Yes. Thank you.” Langdon was incapable of keeping his hands to himself any longer. He pushed his fingers through Ivan’s hair, brushing the long strands back off his face and trapping them under his palms as he cupped the other man’s head in his hands. The bed was low, Langdon only had to dip his head a little to bring their lips together. Ivan let out a shocked little sound, as if he hadn’t realized his experiment in sucking off another man would include any kind of refresher course in even the most basic form of foreplay. Langdon kept Ivan’s head tilted back as he deepened the kiss. Ivan’s eyes dropped closed; he moaned, low and desperate. He was completely incapable of keeping up with Langdon’s technique but, good student that he was, he got a gold star for both effort and enthusiasm. When Langdon finally lifted his head, Ivan’s lips remained parted. His eyes stayed closed. It was several seconds before he blinked up at Langdon.
“I thought…” he murmured, only to stop, apparently realizing that he didn’t know what he’d thought. “This isn’t some back alley behind a club. You’re not getting paid by the client. You might be doing this for knowledge rather than love, but that doesn’t mean you have to rush or that you’re not allowed to enjoy the process, does it?” Ivan looked down, but not before Langdon saw another blast of relief shine brightly in his eyes. Moving his hand so the backs of his fingers pressed against the underside of Ivan’s chin, Langdon made him look up. Maybe it was his inner submissive talking, but the boy apparently had some strange expectations of the way a lover would treat him. Unfortunately, there would probably have been plenty of guys in whichever club Ivan visited who’d have been more than happy to meet every one of them.
“Have I done something wrong?” Ivan asked. He’d been so sure he’d been playing his part well, pressing all the right buttons for Langdon to make the other guy really want to go through with this part of the plan. His outfit was well researched, his attitude carefully calculated. It should have been simple from here on. The idea that Langdon might walk away, just as they were about to get started in earnest, sent an entirely unexpected shot of panic through Ivan’s veins. What if being an accomplished flirt only helped if you never went past the flirting stage? “No,” Langdon said. “You’re doing fine.” He brushed his thumb over Ivan’s lips as he took his hand from beneath his chin. “The next logical step would be for you to take out my cock.” Ivan’s attention immediately dropped to the other man’s crotch. The old track bottoms Langdon liked to wear when he crashed out in front of the TV in the evenings were already tenting over his erection. The instruction to free his shaft from behind the fabric wasn’t worded in quite the same way as the orders Ivan had so often fantasized about receiving. In his mind, those words had been rougher and far more demanding, but it was still a start. Reaching for the drawstring at Langdon’s waist, Ivan carefully undid the knot. Langdon stood. The dark blue fabric dropped two inches. Langdon loomed over Ivan, his cock level with Ivan’s face.
Ivan swallowed rapidly, half from a swell of unforeseen nervous tension, half because his mouth watered at the prospect of finally finding out what another man tasted like. Not just any man, either. He was about to find out what Langdon tasted like—ever since he’d set eyes on his temporary houseguest, Langdon’s name had been a huge part of that equation. Tugging Langdon’s track bottoms down the rest of the way, Ivan discovered that the other man wore nothing beneath them. All at once, Langdon was bare, from his waist all the way down to his ankles. Instinct took over. Anxiety couldn’t compete with desire. Ivan leaned forward and wrapped his lips around the head of Langdon’s cock. Fireworks exploded through his senses. Ivan whimpered as his taste buds danced in instant celebration. It was more intense than even the best New Year’s Eve party in the world, with far prettier explosions taking place behind his eyelids and— Ivan swayed back as something pushed rudely against his shoulder. His lips rubbed against nothing but empty air. He jerked open his eyes. “What—?” Langdon’s hand gripped his shoulder, holding Ivan in place and preventing him from leaning forward again. “You said you wanted me to call the shots, has that changed?” Ivan blinked rapidly as he tried to bring his mind back online. For better or worse, most of his brain cells were too busy processing that wonderful new taste they’d discovered, they had no interest in helping him think clearly. “No, I still want that,” Ivan eventually managed to mumble. “Then you don’t do anything until I give you permission,” Langdon ordered. He sat down on the bed again, obviously completely at ease with the situation. Ivan shifted his weight on the pillow beneath his knees. For some stupid reason, even though he was fully clothed and Langdon had his cock hanging out, Ivan was the one who felt vulnerable. “I’m sorry, I should have thought of that.” “You’re forgiven,” Langdon said, with quick and easy generosity. “Lesson number two. If I didn’t tell you that you’re not allowed to use your hands, it means you should use them.” Ivan knew then that he was an idiot for missing out on such a wonderful opportunity. His hands rose up from his sides. He reached out. At the last moment, he paused and looked up to Langdon to confirm that he was doing the right thing. Langdon nodded.
Ivan wrapped his right fist around the base of Langdon’s shaft. The skin was soft, but the flesh it covered was wonderfully hard. Langdon wanted him. That fact alone made Ivan’s mind reel with pleasure. Knowing that he was with the man he lusted after was one thing. Discovering that the other man desired him in return was something close to ecstasy. Slowly moving his hand up and down Langdon’s cock, Ivan explored the full length of his shaft and did his best to get quickly used to jacking someone from this strange new angle. As awkward as his hand felt, his eyes feasted on the sight before him. Beautiful was too feminine a word for a cock, but Ivan hadn’t seen anything so gorgeous in his life. Guiding the foreskin back, Ivan rubbed his thumb across the head. “There.” Ivan looked up. “That spot is where you want to concentrate most of the time.” Ivan licked his lips. Langdon grinned down at him. He obviously hadn’t failed to notice the little gesture. A nod from his lover was the only encouragement Ivan needed. He lapped very gently at the little bit of skin that joined Langdon’s foreskin to the head of his cock. A gasp made Ivan look up, but he didn’t lift his head. He peeked up through his lashes, although this time that had nothing to do with looking shy or even flirtatious. He simply couldn’t bring himself to move his lips or tongue away from Langdon’s cock unless ordered to do so. God, but the taste of him was unlike anything Ivan had ever experienced. As pre-cum began to coat the head of Langdon’s cock, the flavor only became stronger and more delicious on Ivan’s tongue. “Perfect,” Langdon said. Ivan pressed his tongue more firmly against the sensitive glans as he tried to work out the best way to caress and please. “That’s right,” Langdon murmured. His hand came to rest on the back of Ivan’s head. “Now, take me into your mouth, just like you did before.” Ivan leaned forward, letting the other man’s hand guide him every bit of the way. The topmost inch of Langdon’s cock slid against his lips and tongue. “Cover your teeth,” Langdon commanded.
It took Ivan one or two attempts, but he finally worked out how to wrap his lips over his teeth and keep them away from Langdon while still creating a firm seal around the shaft. “That’s right. No one wants to spend an entire blow job worrying that their lover might bite off their cock at any moment.” Ivan would have smiled if he could have. Langdon tugged at his hair, pulling him back, until his lips almost left his cock. Ivan frowned, sure that he hadn’t done anything wrong this time—there was no need for Langdon to make him stop. Then, at the very last moment, Langdon nudged him back closer. Ivan murmured his relief as even more of Langdon’s cock filled his mouth. Back and forth, Langdon’s hand set the rhythm and completely controlled the depth of each stroke. All Ivan had to do was enjoy and accept. An extra buzz of adrenaline winged its way through his veins as he gave up every decision to the other man. Eyes closed, Ivan groaned his pleasure. His lips tingled with friction and bliss as Langdon gradually guided him to bob his head faster and faster. “That’s right. There’s no need to swallow yet. Keep your mouth nice and wet for me.” Ivan did his best to follow the other man’s orders, but as Langdon’s cock slid deeper and deeper into his mouth, he whimpered, his body uncertain if it was capable of what seemed to be required of it. “Look up. Look at me.” Ivan opened his eyes. When their gazes met, Ivan was trapped, unable to tear his gaze away. Langdon’s hand moved down to rest on Ivan’s shoulder, giving some degree of control back to him. Ivan frowned, not sure he wanted to accept it. “Go slower now and take as much as you can.” This was Ivan’s chance to prove that, no matter how inexperienced he might be, he could please his lover in whatever way the other man wanted. In Ivan’s mind, his time with Langdon suddenly stopped being about ensuring a great first time himself. It was all about Langdon now, about pleasing him, about convincing him that there was no reason why whatever they did together should be just a onetime thing.
Pushing aside all his body’s misgivings, Ivan worked his way determinedly down the hard length, taking far more than Langdon had encouraged him to try to let slide past his lips before. He was within an inch and a half of the base before he had to bid a hasty retreat. That wasn’t good enough. It didn’t matter what Langdon expected from a virgin, Ivan required far better from himself. A man who could usually get anything he wanted from a guy by simply batting his eyelashes should be able to follow through and deliver a bloody good blowjob, if he so chose. Again Ivan tried and again he failed. Another dip of the head, and the tip of Langdon’s cock pressed firmly against the back of Ivan’s throat. He tried to push forward and take even more, sure that deep throating couldn’t be too difficult if porn stars did it every day. False modesty be damned, Ivan knew he was smart. He’d been accepted into one of the best universities in the country. Surely he could work out this simple process as he went along. He pushed forward another half an inch. It should have been easy, but there was no air, no way to breathe. Ivan’s throat closed up, panic filled him. No amount of intelligence was able to compete with a primal demand for oxygen. No level of determination could contend with complete inexperience. Ivan gasped for breath and spluttered as he jerked back. His mouth left Langdon’s cock, but against all sense, he could still feel the head of it pressed against the back of his mouth. Langdon said nothing, either in criticism or reassurance. Ivan shook his head and tried to clear his throat, but even as he fought for oxygen, he couldn’t bring himself to leave Langdon’s crotch completely. He couldn’t give Langdon time to speak up, just in case the other man should say something —such as to suggest that Ivan should come back and try again when he knew what he was doing. Working entirely on instinct, and hoping like hell it served him better than intellect had, Ivan dipped his head toward Langdon’s crotch once more. This time, he didn’t even try to take the other man’s cock into his mouth. Running his lips down Langdon’s shaft, he pressed a kiss against the very base instead, right where neatly trimmed hairs led the way down to Langdon’s balls. The other man’s sac was pulled up tight against his body the same way Ivan’s did when he was getting closer to his orgasm. Ivan relished the knowledge that he’d managed to please his
lover enough for him to have reached that state. His mind swirled with relief as he lapped against Langdon’s skin and offered opened-mouthed kisses against his balls. “Good boy,” Langdon said. “That’s right.” Ivan whimpered. Certain now that he did the right thing; he was able to enjoy his explorations all the more. Gradually able to catch his breath, he started to work his way back up to take Langdon’s cock into his mouth again. “Focus on the head again, just like you did at the start,” Langdon instructed. Ivan wasn’t sure if Langdon only said that because he wanted to make things easy for him, but it sounded like an order rather than a suggestion and Ivan wasn’t about to disobey him, especially when following Langdon’s commands felt so good. As more and more pleasure built up inside him, Ivan rocked his hips, trying to push his own cock against something, anything that would give him the tiny bit of friction required to get off. Nothing. There was no way he could come. All he could do was focus on making Langdon happy, and damn if that idea didn’t make Ivan all the more desperate to get off. Lifting one hand, Langdon tapped Ivan’s shoulder. Ivan tore a little of his attention away from Langdon’s cock and looked up. The other man was far less composed now. His breathing was more rapid, his eyes unfocused. He was close; Ivan had no doubt of it. “I’m going to come,” Langdon informed him, his voice deeper now and gruff with need. “If you keep your mouth on me, I expect you to do your damnedest to swallow every drop.” Ivan held Langdon’s gaze, even as he moaned his approval. Yes, that was just like the man he imagined submitting to every night while he took himself in hand. That was how he wanted Langdon to be with him, how he wanted his lover to talk to him, no airs and graces, just commands and orders. Ivan remained where he was, his lips locked firmly around the head of Langdon’s cock as he teased the head with his tongue to the best of his ability. Langdon’s hips bucked, but Ivan saw the way the other man’s grip on the bedclothes tightened. Langdon clearly held himself back, trying to remain still while he came, to make it easier for an inexperienced lover. Even after Langdon’s warning, the first spurt of cum caught Ivan by surprise. There was no time for him to react. Suddenly his mouth was full of Langdon’s semen. He swallowed rapidly, desperate to obey Langdon’s order but frantic for something else, too.
He wanted to keep a piece of Langdon. He wanted to consume anything that Langdon was prepared to give him and make it part of himself. The feeling was so unexpected; Ivan had no idea how to respond to it. He wanted Langdon inside him, not just the other man’s cock in his mouth or even in his arse, he wanted Langdon’s voice inside his head, issuing orders whenever he wasn’t close enough to provide them himself. Ivan wanted the other man’s cum to mark him out as belonging to him, as being owned by him. Gradually, Ivan’s spiraling thoughts slowed. He realized there was no need for him to keep swallowing. Langdon’s hips had stilled. The other man was finished. Ivan didn’t lift his head. He didn’t even open his eyes. He couldn’t move, not without permission, or an order, or something. “Are you sure that was your first time doing that?” Langdon suddenly asked. The question not only made Ivan look up, it made him pull away far enough to let Langdon’s cock slip from between his lips completely. ”Yes, I’m sure.” His voice came out raspy and weak. Ivan quickly cleared his throat. He wiped at his mouth too, just in case a little bit had escaped his best efforts. “I’m sure,” he repeated. Langdon grinned, his expression just a little bit sleepy. “I don’t know if it was beginner’s luck or if you’ve just got a knack for it, but that was bloody amazing.” Ivan blushed. This time it had nothing to do with flirting or looking coy. Langdon thought he gave good head. It was like receiving the whole solar system on a stick. “I suggest we both stay in here for a while, just in case your brother came home while we were busy,” Langdon said, as he lay back on the bed and made himself comfortable. Ivan wasn’t sure what he’d expected, but that hadn’t been it. “We should?” he asked. Langdon reached out and ran his thumb over Ivan’s lips. The skin there was sensitive, and Ivan realized his lips were probably reddened from the friction between them and Langdon’s cock. “Oh.” “Come on up, there’s room for two,” Langdon said, shuffling toward the other side of Ivan’s bed.
Ivan lay down on top of the blankets next to Langdon. Off balance and not really sure what was expected of him, he didn’t have the courage to try to cuddle into Langdon’s side the way he suddenly realized he wanted to. Unfortunately, humping Langdon’s side until he came was also out of the question. Ivan just lay there and stared up at the ceiling as Langdon dozed next to him apparently very content. Ivan was still hard. He really needed to come. His jaw ached. His lips felt twice their normal size. And he’d never felt happier in his life. Yes, he’d definitely picked the right guy to start him off on the road to a very happy sex life. His only problem now was what would happen if he ended up not wanting any man other than Langdon. Getting his heart broken was definitely not part of the plan, but as he listened to Langdon’s breathing and felt the heat of the other man’s body lying alongside his own, Ivan had the horrible suspicion that it would be very easy to fall in love with his first lover. Langdon wasn’t just hot. Ivan’s experiences with him over the past few weeks had also convinced him that Langdon was also a good man—the kind of man it was entirely appropriate to admire. The type of man someone could reasonably expect to enjoy obeying for the rest of his life. Damn. Ivan closed his eyes very tightly. For all Langdon’s good points, he’d been wrong about one thing. In hindsight, Ivan was sure it would have actually been a lot safer for him to go down on a stranger in a club.
Chapter Three
“How’s the closet looking—are you in or out of it at the moment?” Langdon stood in Ivan’s bedroom doorway, doing his best to look relaxed and casual. He was pretty sure he failed on both counts. It was just because the job he’d found wouldn’t start for another week. He was restless, that was all. He was bored, and horny, and, since he hadn’t had time to check out the local leather scene, knowing there was a fantastic sub sitting in the bedroom just down the hall messed with his mind. Ivan looked up from one of the three books open on his desk. The moment he realized who’d just spoken to him he snatched his reading glasses away from his eyes and tossed them aside. Langdon’s lips twitched at the boy’s vanity, but he made no comment on it. Ivan cleared his throat. His cheeks turned a pretty shade of pink as he set aside his books and turned to face Langdon properly. “It’s, um, I’m reasonably sure I might be gay.” Langdon took that statement as an invitation to enter the room. He was glad the boy hadn’t declared he preferred women after all. If Ivan had decided he was straight, Langdon might have actually had to examine why he hadn’t used some of his own copious amount of spare time to go out and explore the local kinky scene rather than moon over his friend’s brother like a lovesick teenager. Langdon took a seat on Ivan’s neatly made bed, just as he had a few days before. Memories of Ivan kneeling at his feet rushed back. His cock hardened. The sight of Ivan dressed in leather was indelibly impressed on his mind. The boy hadn’t worn anything like that since. He hadn’t been to a club in the interim either. Langdon had kept a very careful eye on him.
However, Ivan had been to lots of lectures and tutorials. It was inevitable that he’d run into at least a couple of out and proud students. Hell, wherever he went, a man who looked like Ivan would never have trouble finding guys willing to help him work out which way he swung or the best path to take on the way out of the closet. “That’s good,” Langdon said. As random comments went, it seemed like a safe one. “There’s only one more thing I think I need to do to be completely sure I want to be gay…” Ivan mentioned. Langdon waited with as much patience as he could muster to be told what that was. “I don’t suppose you’d be interested in…um, having sex with me?” Ivan asked, looking up through his lashes at Langdon, all shy and sexy at the same time. It took Langdon a few seconds to frame an answer, mostly because he was sure that it wasn’t something a man like Ivan ever said. Men like Ivan were the pampered little divas of the gay scene. The local clubs down south had been full of them. They never doubted that they could have any man with a click of their fingers. The fact Ivan was so different to the man he could easily have been, well, that just made him all the more perfect. Langdon had known there was a good reason why he’d sought out a new city to play, as well as to work, in. It was worth moving any distance for a man as honest, as sweet and as straightforward as Ivan. “I think it’s definitely best to make sure one way or the other,” Langdon agreed. Standing up, he walked across the room to stand directly in front of Ivan. “And it would be rude of me not to help you in any way I can.” He pushed his fingers through Ivan’s hair, encouraging the younger man to tilt back his head and look up at him. Ivan smiled, so sweetly. “It would be great to know who I really am. I’d love to tell everyone too, but I’m just not as brave as you are. I bet you came out really confidently and—” “Bollocks!” Langdon spun around to face the bedroom door. Damn! He’d forgotten to close it behind him. Talbot now stood in the doorway, just as Langdon had a few minutes before. “Don’t listen to a word of it, Lang,” Talbot said. “The little brat’s known he was gay for years.” Langdon’s brain was still distracted by the possibility of having sex with Ivan. He was frantically trying to switch tracks in order to explain to Talbot why he shouldn’t hate him for
getting involved with his little brother when it finally registered with him that Talbot didn’t seem pissed off, at least not with him. “What did you just say?” Langdon demanded, unable to wrap his mind around this new reality. “I said he’s lying to you. Ivan’s been out for years. We all know. None of us cares. He’s just manipulating you to get his own way. That’s what he always does. If flirting doesn’t work, go for the sympathy vote.” He shook his head. “And, yeah, if you’re wondering, he knows exactly how pretty he is, too, so don’t believe any of the bashful shit either.” Langdon stayed very still for several seconds, fitting that point of view carefully into his understanding of the world. Turning, he looked down at Ivan. The boy was conspicuously mute. “Do you have anything to say?” he asked. Ivan blinked slowly, but he didn’t rush to defend himself or deny it all. Langdon mentally cursed. Everything Talbot had said was true. He saw it in Ivan’s eyes as much as he guessed it from his silence. He’d been played. “Langdon?” Talbot said. Glancing toward Ivan’s older brother for a second, Langdon considered his options. “I’ll be with you in a few minutes.” A few steps across the room and he closed the door in his friend’s face. There was no immediate attempt to re-open the door or even hammer on the other side of it. The only sound that floated through was that of Talbot’s footsteps walking away, down the hall toward the kitchen. Langdon spun around to face Ivan. The younger man still sat at his desk, books all around him. He hadn’t moved a single muscle since Talbot turned up. “How long?” Langdon asked. Ivan didn’t insult him by trying to pretend he didn’t understand the question. “I came out when I was fifteen. Four years ago.” Langdon clenched his teeth so hard his jaw ached. Ivan didn’t look down, he didn’t try to flirt. There was no sign of submission in him anymore either. He really wasn’t that different to all the guys Langdon had known in the past
after all. Ice-cold fury descended upon Langdon. He’d been so sure Ivan was different. Worse than the fact he’d been duped was the sudden realization that it wasn’t just his pride that hurt. More fool him but he realized that, even in the short space of time they’d known each other, he’d come to care about the boy—or at least about the boy Ivan had pretended to be, he mentally corrected. His anger was so cold it burned deep inside him. And all he could do was… Langdon closed his eyes for a second. “You’re bloody lucky you’re Talbot’s brother,” he spat, and he turned his back on him. There was nothing else he could do, nothing for him to say. Talking to Ivan was suddenly right at the bottom of his list of pleasant things to do. “Why?” Langdon stopped with his hand on the door handle, just as he was about to leave. “Why?” he echoed. “What does Talbot have to do with anything—apart from the fact he has bloody awful timing?” Ivan said, very calmly. “If you weren’t his brother,” Langdon said. “If you were just some sub I met in a club—” Cutting himself off, he shook his head. It was no point pretending there was any way he could fix this. “What would you do?” Ivan pulled himself to his feet, but he didn’t try to close the gap between them. “If I found out any other sub had tried to play me for a fool, I’d have had him over my lap for a bare arse spanking that would leave him sleeping on his stomach for a week.” And even that would have only mollified his anger; it wouldn’t have turned the boy into the man he’d thought he was. Ivan didn’t even blink at the possibility of being punished that way. “Okay.” Langdon’s eyes narrowed. He saw Ivan’s Adam’s apple bob as he swallowed several times before continuing. “Treat me like any other sub,” he said. “I’m not asking for any special considerations, my brother is irrelevant.” Langdon squared his stance so they stood face to face, but he didn’t say anything. “I…” Ivan looked down, but it was impossible to know if that was a genuine submissive instinct, or if he was just playing the role. “I screwed up. I get that. When all this started, I
thought…I mean…” He paused, took a deep breath and apparently decided that excuses weren’t going to do him any good. “What I’m trying to say is, I can accept whatever punishment you see fit.” Then maybe we can get back on track. Langdon heard the words, even if Ivan didn’t say them. Ivan wanted to make this work and from what he’d just said, he was willing to make sacrifices in order to do that. If even half of what Talbot said was true, nothing Ivan had just said made the least bit of sense. “Why not just move on to another stupid sap?” Langdon asked. “There must be plenty of men around who would be far easier targets than me, now that I know what your game is. Hell, I bet you’ve already gone through a dozen this year.” “No!” Ivan didn’t step forward, but he seemed to be holding himself in place by his grip on his desk chair. “I haven’t… I didn’t…” He paused, closed his eyes and took another deep breath. Langdon just waited. “I know how it must look, especially after everything that Tal said about me, and I’ll admit that most of it is true, but… but it’s not like that. It’s not the way it sounds.” “You lied to me.” “Not about everything.” Langdon raised an eyebrow. He had no idea why he should stay and listen to the boy. He’d thought he’d found someone different, he was wrong. Why the hell should he keep beating his head against the wall trying to magic reality away? There was only one reason he could think of, and it wasn’t one he wanted to contemplate. He’d already started to feel something more than casual lust toward the boy; he could accept that, but the possibility of being in love with him… “Were you lying about being interested in submission?” Langdon asked, very carefully, breaking the problem down to work his way through the issues one by one. Ivan shook his head. “Do you have any experience with submitting to another man?” He didn’t give Ivan a chance to answer before he spoke again. “I’ll find out if you’re lying to me.”
This time, when Ivan took a deep breath, his shoulders seemed to shake with the sheer build-up of tension within his muscles. “I’ve never done anything like that with anyone. I’ve thought about it. I’ve jacked off over things I’ve seen on the net, but I’ve never actually…” Langdon studied him very carefully for any sign of guile or insincerity. It was so tempting to believe Ivan was telling the truth, that whatever other lies he’d told in the past hadn’t been to do with any kind of leather. “Take off your clothes. Kneel next to your bed and wait.” Langdon didn’t say another word before he headed to the door. When he came back, he knew he’d have at least half his answer. If Ivan wasn’t where he’d just ordered him to be, arranged exactly how Langdon had instructed, that was it. Game over. Any broken hearts would just have to bloody well heal over time. If Ivan was waiting for him, naked and ready to accept correction for his mistakes, then…Well, from there, anything might be possible. Langdon stood outside Ivan’s bedroom door for a moment gathering his thoughts. “Well?” Langdon looked up. Talbot stood in the kitchen doorway. He didn’t look particularly furious or ready to murder one of his friends for messing around with his kid brother. Holding back a sigh, Langdon joined the other man in the kitchen. “If you’re going to punch me in the face, get on with it, but you only get one free shot. After that, I’m not promising I won’t hit you back.” “You’re safe from me,” Talbot said, leaning against the kitchen cabinet next to the sink and sipping whatever he had in his mug. Langdon moved to a position directly opposite Talbot, still a little wary. “Coffee?” he asked, with a nod to that mug. “There’s more in the pot.” Langdon poured himself some. “Should I take that to mean, you don’t have someone you need to rush back to?” Talbot asked. “Not necessarily.” Langdon blew across the surface of his coffee. “Should I take this to mean that you don’t have a problem with me being involved with your brother?”
Talbot smiled, apparently amused. “I kept an eye on him when he was the class nerd in high school, but that’s it. Ivan can take care of himself when it comes to his love life. He’s smarter than he looks, tougher too. He’ll give you a run for your money and then some.” “And, if our relationship wasn’t entirely vanilla-flavored?” Langdon asked, just in case Talbot thought the fact he was with Ivan would change the way he’d always lived his life. Even though he had to be well aware that Langdon didn’t just own a lot of leather because he wanted to make a fashion statement, Talbot tensed at the first hint of kink entering the conversation. Clearing his throat, he set down his mug. “Too much info, mate. He is my brother, you know.” Langdon hid his smile behind his mug. Talbot pushed a hand through his hair and grunted as he reached a decision. “If he ever tells me you raised a hand to him in anger, I’ll skin you alive. And if you two can’t keep it quiet or wait until I’m out of the flat to get busy together, I’ll happily buy Ivan out of his share of the flat, because you guys will have to look for a place of your own. Apart from that, whatever you get up to is none of my business.” “Fair enough,” Langdon said. “And, on that note,” Talbot said, with the air of a man very relieved to have that conversation out of the way. “I’m going out.” He strode rapidly out of the room, as if he thought Langdon might divulge intimate details of his brother’s sex life to him if he stayed there another second. Langdon listened to the front door close behind his friend. That had gone…not quite as he expected. He took a sip of his coffee. Talbot’s relationship with Ivan was obviously far more complicated than it had looked at first glance. It wasn’t about the big tough older brother protecting the younger, more fragile, sibling from the scary wide world the way it had been when he and Talbot were back in university. Ivan was more complicated than he’d first appeared, too. As Langdon leaned against the kitchen cabinet, two rooms away from the younger man, he ran every encounter he’d had with Ivan over in his mind, making notes and comparing what Ivan was like when he knew he was being watched to those times when he’d thought he was unobserved. On the one hand there was a quiet, studious young man who always had his head buried in a book and didn’t venture out of the house to anywhere other than to his lectures. Then, there
was the little flirt who apparently knew exactly how to manipulate another gay man to get exactly what he wanted. If a third hand were possible, it held the submissive version of Ivan in its palm, just waiting for a suitable dom to come along and take charge of him. Langdon took another sip of his coffee. He blinked and frowned down at the mug. He wasn’t sure how long he’d stood there thinking everything through, but it had been more than long enough to let his drink turn unpleasantly cold. Pouring the remainder down the sink, Langdon rinsed out his mug and placed it on the draining board. He nodded to himself then. It was time to find out which version of Ivan was the real one.
Ivan shifted his weight from one knee to the other, trying to take his weight off certain pressure points, without making other bits of himself sore in the process. If nothing else, his attempts to get more comfortable distracted him slightly from the panic racing through his veins. He wasn’t used to being on his knees for any real length of time, let alone kneeling on the hard floor. He glanced at the pillows on his bed. If he’d been thinking clearly, he might have put one of them under his knees before he got down there. Now, it was too late. If Langdon came back and found him halfway onto the bed as he reached for a pillow, it might ruin everything. That couldn’t happen. Ivan closed his eyes unable to ignore his fears for another second. This had to work. He had to fix things. Forget a good first time, there was far more to play for now. Ivan sensed it deep down in his soul. The possibility of not having Langdon in his life made his heart race until the beat threatened to spiral out of control. He needed Langdon in a way he hadn’t even known was possible until he found himself so close to losing him. A shiver ran down Ivan’s spine. He wasn’t accustomed to hanging around in his room bare-arse naked either. The air had seemed warm enough when he was dressed, but it was surprising just how much difference a few layers of thin material could make. Kneeling naked alongside his bed wasn’t exactly comfortable, but it quickly became more about a test of mental and emotional endurance rather than a physical challenge. Surrounded by hundreds of books, Ivan realized that, for the first time in his life, he wasn’t allowed to read any of them.
He couldn’t do anything without Langdon’s permission. In a room full of books, he had nothing to read, simply because Langdon hadn’t granted him that privilege. There was no reading for pleasure to be thought of. There was no pressure to make the most of his time and get some extra studying in either. Ivan rubbed at the back of his neck. A moment later, he pushed his hand through his hair. Halfway through that action, he hesitated. Was this something else he needed Langdon to grant permission for? Was kneeling there fidgeting following the spirit of the other man’s orders as well as the letter of them? Remembering all the photos he’d seen online, Ivan placed his hands behind his back. A little bit of fumbling and he wrapped his right hand around his left wrist in a way he thought he’d be able to maintain for quite some time. Yes, that felt better, in a situation where everything had gone wrong, it seemed wonderfully right. Ivan took a deep breath. His ribs shook with the effort he put into controlling every part of his body. For all his trepidation, his cock was as hard as whatever rock anybody might have cared to produce for comparison. Ivan bowed his head and stared down his body. Langdon would come back. Langdon would spank him. Everything would be fine. Ivan closed his eyes. He had no idea how long he stayed there, motionless, chilly and silent as he repeated that mantra again and again inside his head. The click of someone opening his bedroom door, jerked Ivan abruptly out of his meditation. He tensed, cursing himself for arranging himself with his back to the door. He couldn’t see Langdon, but he was more than willing to swear he felt the way the other man’s eyes moved over his body. Ivan literally bit his tongue as he waited impatiently for Langdon to speak first. “Did it amuse you, the little game you were playing with me?” Langdon asked. The words came from directly behind Ivan’s back. “No.” Ivan hesitated, not sure if he could add more, or if one word was all he was permitted say. “I don’t suppose it ever occurred to you that you might drag up memories of a very painful time in a gay man’s life?” Langdon demanded.
No, it hadn’t. All Ivan had thought about was the best way to ensure he got laid by a man who was hotter than any other guy he’d ever laid eyes on. Unfortunately, that didn’t seem like the best thing to say in response. Ivan remained silent. “Not everyone receives the same acceptance your family offered you. Asking for help coming out when you don’t need it is a slap in the face to anyone who actually needed that help.” Each word Langdon uttered was sharp and dripping with contempt. Every one of them hit their mark. A bitter taste filled the back of Ivan’s mouth. Yes, he’d known he’d acted like a brat, but the idea that he’d hurt anyone with his actions still cut deep. The possibility that he’d hurt Langdon of all people, sliced straight through to his heart. “I didn’t think about any of that,” Ivan said, unable to let Langdon believe that he’d realized the damage he might do, but simply didn’t care. “If I had, I’d never have said what I did.” Langdon moved around to face him. He looked just as furious as he sounded. “What did you think about?” he demanded. “Sex,” Ivan blurted out. “I thought about having sex with you.” “It never occurred to you to just hit on me like any sane man would? The whole stupid charade about needing someone to indulge your curiosity and uncertainty…” Langdon shook his head. “That sort of behavior would be bad enough in a vanilla guy. In someone who says he wants to be a sub—” “It can be corrected,” Ivan cut in. Langdon raised an eyebrow. Ivan stared up at the other man from his position on his knees. Talking back felt wrong, but not as horrible as losing Langdon from his life would be. “In a sub, faults can be corrected, can’t they?” He tried to keep the hint of pleading out of his voice and failed spectacularly. “A vanilla lover would have to try to just accept his partner’s flaws, but a dom can correct a subs failings, can’t he?” “Oh?” Langdon folded his arms across his chest. His expression revealed nothing, except possibly his complete disbelief in Ivan having any kind of clue as to what he was talking about. “You said you’d punish a sub you’d met in a club,” Ivan reminded him.
Langdon held his gaze for several seconds before he deigned to answer. “I said that,” he finally allowed. “But a punishment will only help a submissive make better choices in the future if he wants to learn from it.” “I want to.” Langdon turned on his heel and walked away. Ivan closed his eyes; sure that he’d screwed everything up so badly that he’d lost any chance with Langdon. An iron fist clenched around his stomach. If he hadn’t tried to be smart, if he hadn’t tried to manipulate the situation and— An unexpected noise let Ivan know that Langdon had taken a detour on his way out of the room. He looked over his shoulder just in time to see the other man pick up the desk chair and carry it into the middle of the room. Langdon sat down and studied the area on either side of him. Piles of books came within eighteen inches of each leg of the chair. “Clear a space; make sure it’s large enough for you to lie over my knees without kicking anything.” Ivan sprang to his feet. Too late, it occurred to him that his limbs might be more than a little bit stiff after such an extended kneeling session. He limped rather than flew toward his haphazard library. Moving the books wasn’t a quick process. The only genuinely clear surface, other than the chair where Langdon now sat, was the bed. Ivan really hoped that the bed would come in useful later on, he wasn’t about to dump anything on it. Working as fast as he could without tripping over Langdon’s feet or causing an avalanche among his text books, Ivan cleared what he hoped would prove to be plenty of room in which his punishment could take place. Langdon didn’t say a word throughout the whole process. He just sat there and watched Ivan work. Some hitherto unexplored part of Ivan’s mind perked up and pointed out that the scenario might have been really hot, if only Langdon hadn’t been so genuinely pissed off with him. Finally done, Ivan came to a stop directly in front of Langdon. “Here’s how it works,” Langdon informed him, seriously. “If a punishment is to be in any way effective, you have to understand what you have done wrong.” “Lied to you,” Ivan filled in.
If he’d hoped for brownie points, he was destined to be disappointed. Langdon didn’t even blink. “You also need to understand that, if you repeat that particular behavior, the punishment will be repeated—and that it may well be harsher next time.” If anything, Langdon’s tone only grew firmer with each word. “I understand,” Ivan said, with as much strength and certainty as he possessed. Langdon leaned forward slightly in his chair. “You need to believe that I have the right to administer this, and any future punishments that might be needed. If you don’t genuinely want to submit to my will in the matter, the spanking will just be flesh hitting flesh. It won’t mean a damn thing.” Ivan didn’t rush to answer this time. Did he really want to give Langdon permission to spank him every time he told him even the smallest white lie in the future? Did he want to go through each day moderating and modifying his behavior based upon Langdon’s wishes? When the answer came to the forefront of Ivan’s mind, it was a quiet little whisper, but it came from the very bottom of his soul. “Yes.” Ivan wanted that, more than he’d ever wanted anything in his life. Langdon nodded. It was a simple little gesture, but when he saw it, Ivan got the sense that the other man really did understand how much that little word encompassed. “Come here. Turn yourself over my knees.” Ivan stepped forward. Moving around and rearranging part of his book collection had loosened his muscles. The only thing that remained as stiff as ever was his cock. As he leaned over Langdon’s lap, his erection rubbed against the other man’s knee—he couldn’t expect him not to notice that. “I…” Ivan couldn’t explain what he didn’t even understand himself. “Just because a punishment presses certain buttons inside you and turns you on, doesn’t mean it can’t also be an effective deterrent. Your brain will learn the difference between a punishment spanking and the play version of the same thing soon enough, even if your cock takes a little longer.” Ivan closed his eyes, not sure how to express how thankful he was that Langdon understood, that his lover didn’t think he was weird or, worse, that he didn’t think he wasn’t taking this seriously.
Langdon’s left arm came to rest against the small of Ivan’s back holding him in place and making sure he didn’t tumble to the floor. His right hand lay upon Ivan’s bare backside. It was easily the most intimate touch Ivan had ever received from another man. Ivan bit his bottom lip and managed not to whimper through sheer force of will. “Think about what you’ve done wrong. Don’t try to block the pain out, let it in, welcome it and learn from it. Make sure that every part of you knows you don’t want to be in this position for the same reason ever again.” Ivan nodded. Langdon’s hand left his arse. A moment later, it came back—hard. It was nothing like the erotic little taps on the bare bottom from Ivan’s fantasies. There was nothing teasing or sensual about it. Langdon didn’t say anything. The atmosphere hanging over them didn’t encourage any kind of pleasure. It hurt. There was no way for Ivan to ignore that fact. Each time Langdon’s hand connected with his arse, it bloody well hurt. Pain spiked inside him. It made his arse hot, his head ache and his whole body itch as if needles were pricking his skin from the inside, but his thoughts caused him just as much discomfort as Langdon’s hand ever could. No emotion came from Langdon. He was doing a job, and not one he seemed to enjoy in any way. Ivan bit harder on his bottom lip. It was his fault that Langdon had to do this. If he hadn’t been so stupid… If he hadn’t tried to be more clever than Langdon. Maybe if he’d just gone to Langdon and told him the truth, everything would have been fine. Yes, that was what he had to do in future, he had to tell Langdon the truth, and then Langdon would never have to spank him like this again. Any future spanking would be about pleasure for them both, and Ivan wanted that as much as he ever had. Within minutes, it felt as if someone had lit a fire across his buttocks. He caught hold of the base of the chair legs and did his best to steady himself. It was lucky he’d cleared such a wide space because he couldn’t help but kick out. There was too much heat to be contained in just his buttocks. His whole body broke out into a cold sweat. He wasn’t going to cry. That would be letting Langdon down. Ivan was going to take it with good grace and gratitude. Yes, gratitude that Langdon thought he was worth disciplining.
The sound of the smacks suddenly ceased. Langdon’s hand failed to fall upon Ivan’s skin again. For three long seconds, heavy, cloying silence filled the room. “Get up.” The order was bitten out just as sternly as the commands Langdon had issued before the spanking. Ivan struggled to his feet, his head spinning with adrenaline as much as anything else. His hands went straight behind him, his first instinct to rub at his sore buttocks. “No.” Langdon caught hold of both of Ivan’s wrists and pulled his hands forward. Ivan didn’t struggle to regain control of his limbs. In truth, he had a hard enough time just keeping his knees from collapsing beneath him. “No touching, not for the rest of this evening. Remember what I said about welcoming the pain as a fair punishment. Just let nature take its course. Understand?” Ivan nodded. Langdon didn’t release his wrists, but his grip on them altered. His fingers slid down until he effectively held hands with Ivan. “Another thing you need to know about punishments,” Langdon said. “Once the punishment is over, that’s it. Not recriminations, no throwing past mistakes back in your face. You accepted the spanking. It’s done and finished. We’ll talk about what went wrong, but there’ll be no blame, no anger, when we do. Understand?” Ivan nodded again. He parted his lips, only to close them again. He didn’t have it in him to speak up without encouragement. “Go ahead, you’re allowed to talk.” “Will there be sex, too?” Ivan hadn’t realized how much he missed seeing Langdon smile at him until the other man’s lips twitched and curved upward. “Yes, there’ll be sex. But not until every mark I’ve left on your arse has faded completely away.” Ivan immediately tried to look over his shoulder, but Langdon chuckled and pulled him back around to face front. “You can look later. Right now, I want you to lie down on your bed and rest.” Ivan nodded his willingness to do that. He’d enjoyed lying next to Langdon after he’d sucked him off.
“I’ll be in the living room. If you need me, shout and I’ll come straight in. Okay?” Ivan pushed aside his disappointment as best he could and nodded again. “Go on,” Langdon ordered. It took more strength than Ivan could ever have guessed anything in life could require to step away from Langdon right then. The other man remained in his seat, just watching while Ivan lay down on his bed and rested his head upon his pillow. Every movement he made set off different sensations in his buttocks, making him ever more desperate to reach back and rub against the skin there. Feeling Langdon’s eyes on him, Ivan managed to resist that temptation. When he fell still, Ivan heard the other man get up and cross the room. Langdon stroked his fingers over Ivan’s hair, just once. “Well done, sweetheart.” There was no guilt to be felt now. Ivan had screwed up, but it was over and done with. He’d proved he wanted to do better, and that was all that mattered now. However much Ivan’s backside hurt, it was worth it, not only because Langdon had forgiven him, but because, in a strange way, it gave him permission to forgive himself, too.
Chapter Four
Ivan was staring at him again. Langdon felt the boy’s eyes on him, but he feigned ignorance and kept flicking through his magazine. A moment before, the living room sofa had been comfortable. Now, it was like a bed of nails. He mentally commanded Ivan to speak up, knowing that it had to be the other man who approached him and not the other way around. Damn, but it went against the grain to just sit there. “Hi.” Langdon glanced up, putting his all into not looking the least bit relieved. “Hello.” It took every bit of self-control that Langdon was aware he possessed, and more besides, not to give the boy anything more than that. Until he knew what page they were on, the risk of offering him the wrong thing was far too high. Ivan remained in the doorway for a full five minutes before he spoke again. “You said you’d have sex with me.” Langdon put his magazine to one side and finally allowed himself to make it clear that Ivan had his full attention. “I said that we could have sex once you’ve had time to think things through, and any marks the spanking left on you have healed.” “They’ve gone—I checked.” Langdon chuckled. “I bet you’ve looked in the mirror over your shoulders several times a day.” “Yeah,” Ivan admitted. “I’ve checked a lot.” “Impatient, were you?” It was on the tip of his tongue to mention that Ivan had to have the slowest rate of recovery in the world. Pale skinned or not, Langdon had expected Ivan to approach him days ago. He’d almost convinced himself that Ivan had changed his mind about sex, kink, homosexuality and everything else. “Very.”
“Sometimes lessons can take a while to sink in,” Langdon said. Ivan had a wonderful ability to creep across a room. It was very easy to be so busy admiring him that his feet moved without drawing any attention at all. But, this time Langdon was watching for it. He took note of every step Ivan took in his direction. Soon, Ivan was close enough to perch on the arm of the sofa, just as he had when he’d ambushed Langdon in that leather get up. This time Ivan had chosen to turn up in his usual jeans and T-shirt, but he’d been a fool to think he ever needed props to get a man’s attention. It would have been so easy to simply nod, smile and screw Ivan across any convenient surface, but Langdon forced his priorities into a far better order. “Have you done any thinking this week?” Ivan looked down. Langdon followed his gaze. The boy’s hands were clenched tightly around each other. He obviously wasn’t as relaxed as he wanted to appear, but he was still putting on a good show from the wrists up. “Yes.” Langdon waited, leaning casually back in his seat as if he wasn’t completely invested in the conversation and the relationship that might ensue if Ivan proved to be ready for one. “I think that evening when you spanked me was the first time I remember knowing I couldn’t manipulate the person making all the decisions.” Langdon let out a breath he hadn’t wanted to admit he’d held. The boy really had used the time to think. There was still a chance they could make this work. Langdon beckoned Ivan closer and tapped the seat next to him. When Ivan sat, Langdon slid his arm around the somewhat smaller man’s shoulders and encouraged him to lean against his side. “Tell me,” he encouraged. That was all he said. He left the details of what to include entirely up to Ivan. “Talbot was right. I usually manage to get my own way. I was a cute kid.” It was stated as a simple fact with neither modesty nor bravado. “I had my parents wrapped around my little finger from the word go. I was spoiled rotten. And…” Langdon waited. Ivan curled more closely into his side, but he didn’t speak up. Langdon had a strong suspicion why. “And, when you got older…” he prompted. “I realized that it was just as easy to get my own way with most gay guys,” Ivan said, in little more than a whisper. “Girls liked me, but gay guys…it was in a whole different league with them. Maybe if I’d been straight it would have been different, but as things were…”
Langdon took a deep breath, which did little to calm him. “And you got your way by…?” As much as he knew they both needed whatever would fill that gap to be spoken out loud and acknowledged between them, Langdon also knew he’d hate every syllable he heard. Ivan shrugged. His fingers traced the line of the seam down the outside leg of his jeans. “A smile. A look. It never took much.” “You never did anything more than that?” Langdon asked. Ivan pulled away slightly, just far enough to allow him to look up at Langdon and meet his eyes. “Never.” Langdon studied him very carefully. He saw seriousness and submission. Was the boy really that good an actor? Now that he was on his guard, Langdon doubted Ivan could fool him, but he wasn’t about to take any chances. “You never once used sex to get your own way?” he asked, baldly. “Never.” Langdon continued to hold Ivan’s gaze. A tiny touch of uncertainty crept into the younger man’s expression. Langdon forced himself not to flinch. He wanted the truth, reacting badly the first time Ivan told him something less than ideal about himself was one damn certain way of ensuring Ivan lied to him at every future opportunity. “Does hinting that I might have been willing to let a guy screw me, but knowing full well I had no intention of following through, count?” “No.” Ivan nodded. His uncertainty left him. “Never.” He repeated. “Not even with me?” Langdon asked. That made Ivan look down. Langdon frowned, wondering what Ivan could have thought was in his power to offer for even the best sex in the world. Ivan closed his eyes. Whatever he needed to say, it was obviously far more difficult for him than simply admitting that he was a brat. All Langdon could do was wait. “I wasn’t using sex to manipulate you. I was trying to manipulate you into wanting to have sex with me,” Ivan finally whispered. He dipped his head lower as if trying to hide his face.
Langdon realized then that his heightened color wasn’t a ploy this time. He was genuinely embarrassed to be caught blushing right then. Tucking his knuckles under Ivan’s chin, Langdon made him look up, allowing nothing to be hidden between them. “I wasn’t lying to you when I said I’ve never…” “You’re a virgin.” In hindsight, Langdon might have been willing to admit that it wasn’t the most tactful thing to say at that point, but tact could go to hell. It was an important point to be clear upon. “That blow job really was beginners luck?” Ivan shrugged. “Just because I know how to flirt a bit, that doesn’t mean I’m not still the school nerd. I’m the boy who always had his head in a book, not the one who went out partying and got laid every night—that hasn’t changed just because I’m at uni or because I found a really good guide to flirting on the net!” Langdon slid his fingers up to rest against Ivan’s heated cheek. It made a certain kind of sense. And it explained why Ivan had been so easy to believe before. There had been just enough truth in what he’d said to make the lies decidedly difficult to spot. “I wasn’t lying when I said I didn’t know what it felt like to kiss a man,” Ivan whispered. Langdon couldn’t help himself. He dipped his head and brushed his lips against Ivan’s mouth. The other man made a sound halfway between a purr and a whimper. Tipping back his head, Ivan was immediately all submission and need, and there was no way in hell even the most accomplished actor could have faked it. It almost broke Langdon’s heart to have to pull away from him. It didn’t make it any easier when Ivan blinked up at him, confused and obviously hurt by his withdrawal. “There’ll be lots more to talk about later,” Langdon warned, brushing his thumb against Ivan’s bottom lip. Ivan nodded. “But, right now, I think we should go to my room.” This time, Ivan’s nod was far more enthusiastic. Langdon smiled as he stood up and took Ivan’s hand. Within seconds, they were in his bedroom, the door was closed, and the outside world no longer existed. Ivan stood in the middle of the room, obviously unsure what to do with himself. Langdon moved away from the door to stand directly behind him. The younger man was shorter than he
was. Langdon was able to easily look over his shoulder and stare down at the same patch of carpet that seemed to fascinate Ivan so much. “Are you ready to try something for the first time?” Langdon whispered in Ivan’s ear. His cock was hard and straining against the front of his trousers. Leaning forward, Langdon rubbed his fly against Ivan’s arse, just in case there was any doubt what they were discussing. “Yes!” Ivan made no attempt to hide his enthusiasm. Langdon paused for a moment, considering whether or not the next question he wanted to ask should be voiced. There was no doubt in his mind what sort of first time would give Ivan the most pleasure, but it wasn’t a decision he could make for another man. Submission had to be freely given, or it meant nothing. “Do you want one first time, or a few all rolled into one?” he asked. Ivan tried to turn around but Langdon held him in place. He wouldn’t have the boy looking into his eyes and giving the answer he thought his lover wanted to hear, rather than actually making the decision for himself. “I don’t understand,” Ivan admitted. “Do you want to be tied up for the first time? Do you want to submit to me during sex for the first time tonight? We can take each first time one by one, or we can have them all rolled into one—either way I’ll see to it that it will be great for both of us.” When Ivan tried to turn this time, he was far more determined. Langdon still didn’t relent. Ivan stayed where Langdon held him. “Does the fact I’ve already made my decision change anything?” Ivan finally asked. It did. Langdon let Ivan twist around—and he made it very clear that was what he did. He didn’t allow Ivan to manipulate him; he simply changed his own decision based on new information. If that info turned out to be a lie, there would be hell to pay. There would also be the less enjoyable type of spanking to administer in the very near future. That would be a pity, especially because Langdon looked forward to introducing Ivan to the fun kind very soon. And even more so because it would delay them having sex for far too long. “I want you to make the choices.” Langdon opened his mouth, but Ivan placed a finger delicately against Langdon’s lips. He was so shocked he didn’t even try to speak.
“I’m not abdicating responsibility,” Ivan said. “I’m making a very firm, very certain decision. I want to submit to you. I want my first time to be real, and not submitting to you would make me feel like I was pretending to be someone I don’t want to be anymore.” His expression changed slightly. “And sorry about the fingertip on the lips thing, in hindsight, that probably wasn’t the smartest thing I’ve ever done.” He dropped his hand back to his side. Langdon stared down at him for a moment, not sure if he should be amused or pissed off. In the end, he brushed both options aside in favor of concentrating on a far more important point. “So, you want to be mine. I can do whatever I want with you?” he asked, slowly. Ivan nodded. Lifting a hand, Langdon pushed his fingers through Ivan’s hair. He tugged gently at the strands, encouraging him to tilt back his head. Ivan made no attempt to resist. Langdon smiled as he moved his other hand to the edge of Ivan’s T-shirt. He slowly raised the fabric, taking plenty of time to caress the skin with his fingertips along the way. If he could do anything he wanted with Ivan, he’d have the boy naked as soon as possible. Last time, during the spanking, he hadn’t been able to take any time to admire his naked form. That evening had been a necessary step to getting them back on track, but there hadn’t been anything pleasurable about it for him. This time, there would be no rushing, nothing to distract him from the sight soon to meet his eyes. Gradually, Langdon lifted the T-shirt higher, until Ivan raised his arms and the fabric disappeared over his head. Obviously seeing where they were heading, Ivan moved his hands toward his fly to help. “No.” Ivan froze. “You’re mine. Right now, that means you don’t do anything without my permission. Put your hands back by your sides.” “Sorry.” Ivan did as he was told. “There’s no need to apologize. I’m not mad at you. I just want you to realize that I’m deciding the pace, not you.” Langdon whispered the words gently into Ivan’s ear. There was nothing harsh about them. They coaxed as much as they commanded. “Don’t try to change anything; don’t try to control what happens. Just submit.”
Ivan whimpered. There was no hiding how much the idea appealed to him. Langdon traced a line down Ivan’s chest, from the notch between his collarbones all the way down to the top button of his jeans. A few fine blond hairs decorated Ivan’s chest, but they did nothing to obscure the lean lines of muscle he carried. Ivan was no weakling. His shoulders were nicely broad and still had the potential to get an inch or two wider as he made his way through his early twenties. A fingertip touch was no longer enough. Langdon flattened his hand and slid his whole palm over Ivan’s torso, examining him in wonderful detail. “Every part of you that I touch belongs to me,” Langdon said softly, as if imparting a secret. “And I intend to touch every bit of you by the end of the night.” Ivan nodded, his eyes fell closed. Langdon smiled as he moved on to explore Ivan’s arms and back. Each inch of him was as flawless as the last. Standing behind Ivan once more, Langdon decided it was finally time to see a little more of him. “Were you telling the truth when you told me there were no marks left after the spanking?” he asked. “Yes! I—” Ivan cut himself short when Langdon reached around him, caught hold of his hips and held him in place. “I still think I should check for myself.” He slid his hands around to Ivan’s fly and deftly undid the top button. Ivan stopped squirming. A few more buttons slid through their respective holes. Langdon stood close behind Ivan, looking over his shoulder once more and staring down the length of his body. Ivan seemed to do the same, as if he’d never had the chance to have a good look at his cock either. Finally, the fly was undone. Langdon pushed Ivan’s jeans and boxers down a few inches. Pale blond hairs came into view first, soon to be followed by Ivan’s cock. Damn, but he was delicious. Langdon wrapped a fist around his shaft and slowly stroked him. Ivan’s head dropped back to rest on Langdon’s shoulders, but Langdon wasn’t ready to give up that view so quickly. He continued to stare down Ivan’s body and watch as he teased him.
Suddenly, Ivan put his fingers on the back of Langdon’s hand. “I’ll come before we even get started if—” “You’d find it easier to hold yourself back if I stopped,” Langdon allowed. He had no doubt that was true enough. “But maybe it’s not supposed to be easy. Maybe that’s half the fun.” He moved his hand over Ivan’s cock again. “Struggle for me. Hold yourself back even when it’s not easy.” “Maybe if you just—” Ivan began. “What did I say about trying to manipulate things?” “I wasn’t.” Ivan lifted his head. “You expect me to believe that?” Langdon asked. “You’re slipping back into bad habits already.”
No, you’re wrong! Ivan desperately wanted to yell those words at that top of his lungs, but he couldn’t be a hundred percent sure the accusation would be justified. A little voice in the back of his mind was tempted to believe Langdon might actually be right. “Submission isn’t easy,” Langdon said. “But from what I’ve heard, if you’re inclined to it, it’s certainly worth the effort.” Ivan dropped his hand away from Langdon’s wrist. He watched helplessly as Langdon calmly went back to what he’d been doing, as if no interruption had occurred. It was torture, but of the kind that any sane man would happily put his hand up and volunteer to receive. Any idea Ivan might have had regarding the sensation of Langdon stroking his cock being even vaguely like touching himself, died the moment the other man’s fingers wrapped around his shaft. Now, Ivan just had to work out how sex could possibly be more enjoyable, more intense than this. His mind spun with the ecstasy that threatened to explode through his body at any moment. It was impossible to imagine anything being better. “Kick off your jeans.” Ivan hadn’t been wearing shoes or socks. That should have made pushing the denim over his feet easy. Perhaps, if Langdon had let go of his cock for a few seconds, it would have been that simple.
Each time Ivan squirmed and kicked, Langdon’s fist tightened around his shaft, making it impossible for him to balance, let alone think. Finally, out of breath and more frantic to come than ever, Ivan got free of the denim. Langdon gave him no time to recover. He walked Ivan forward, still keeping hold of his erection. When they reached the side of the bed, it was all Ivan could do not to come over the deep red sheets that graced Langdon’s bed. “Lie down.” Ivan took a deep breath. Langdon still hadn’t released his erection. Moving very slowly, Ivan did his damnedest to obey. Bending over made his arse press more firmly back against Langdon’s crotch. Moving forward forced his cock into the other man’s hand. By the time Ivan collapsed face down on the bed, his breathing was more ragged than ever. His need to come made it impossible to think at all. Langdon flexed his fingers. His hand was trapped under Ivan’s body. “You’re doing great. Now, lift yourself up onto your knees and elbows.” Ivan groaned. Why the hell Langdon couldn’t have just told him to arrange himself like that in the first place was beyond him. He had a sneaking suspicion that Langdon wanted to make sure he completely understood why he shouldn’t play silly games with him in the future. Langdon was in control and that was good, frustrating, but good. With superhuman effort, Ivan lifted himself up from the mattress. “Elbows and knees,” Langdon repeated. Ivan stared down at the mattress until he realized he was on his hands and knees. Apparently close wasn’t good enough. He carefully lowered himself into the exact position Langdon had requested, pressing his shaft into Langdon’s hand at least a million times in the process. Finally, the other man released him. Ivan took a deep breath and pulled himself together as best he could. Then, head down and arse up, he waited. Nothing. Turning his head, Ivan peered up at Langdon. The other man stood alongside the bed, making no attempt to reach out and touch him again. “What are you doing?” Ivan asked. “Admiring the view.” Don’t try to take control of the pace or anything else.
It was far easier said than done. Ivan closed his eyes and pressed his face into the blankets as he waited for Langdon to look his fill and get back on with the more interesting part of proceedings. Suddenly, metal clicked against metal. Something cold wrapped around Ivan’s skin. He jerked, but he was only able to move his hands an inch back toward his torso. He peered up at his wrists. Handcuffs. A metal chain was connected to the silver links between the cuffs. It led up to the top of the bed. Surely there was no way that Langdon could have put them in place without Ivan noticing. “They’ve been locked onto that headboard, waiting for you to be ready to play with them, for what feels like forever,” Langdon announced. The mattress dipped as the other man finally joined Ivan. One strong hand came to rest against the small of Ivan’s back. It caressed him, slow and confident, all the way up to the nape of his neck, then down again. Ivan bit his lip. He was not going to suggest Langdon hurry the hell up. He wasn’t going to say anything. He would just relax and silently pray for Langdon to be ready to stop teasing before any permanent damage was done to his psyche. On the next stroke, Langdon’s hand slid down farther, his fingers dipped between Ivan’s arse cheeks. Ivan gasped as the tips of the digits brushed across his hole. Just like everything else Langdon did that night, one repetition didn’t seem to be enough for him, his fingers traced the line up and down the cleft between Ivan’s cheeks again and again. Ivan groaned, unable to keep his frustration to himself a second longer. It made no difference. In some way, he couldn’t help but be pleased with that. He had no interest in obeying anyone who gave in as soon as he batted his eyelashes or made a weak little noise in the back of his throat. Langdon would never do that. Ivan moaned, this time with pleasure, and pushed himself back firmly against Langdon’s fingers. Sensing a movement to the side of his head, Ivan looked up just in time to see Langdon snag a tube of lube off the nightstand next to his bed. He flipped the top up just before the tube disappeared from view. Ivan didn’t have to guess what happened next, the way Langdon’s touch changed told him all he needed to know.
Slicked fingers stroked down his cleft and quickly homed in on his hole. At first, they just teased, but gradually there was a more noticeable intent behind their actions. One fingertip slid inside Ivan. Closing his eyes very tightly, he focused very carefully on the sensation of having part of another man inside his body that way. “Feel good?” Langdon asked. Ivan nodded. “Just because you’re not allowed to be bossy, that doesn’t mean I don’t want to know if something hurts or feels bad.” Langdon gave a wry little chuckle. “I’m not guaranteeing I’ll do anything differently, but I still want to know.” “Okay.” It wasn’t exactly witty and stimulating conversation, but it was the best Ivan could manage. Langdon slid his finger in a little deeper and crooked the digit. Obviously, what Ivan had said was good enough to earn him one hell of a reward. He gasped and tugged at the cuffs. He was helpless to control any of his limbs as Langdon added another finger and immediately set them both dancing against that sensitive little spot he’d found a few inches inside Ivan’s body. Ivan whimpered and gasped, open mouthed, against the sheet. He’d never felt anything like it, but suddenly it was impossible to fathom how he’d ever managed to live for so long without that kind of sensation in his life. “Please.” Ivan wasn’t sure if begging counted as an attempt at manipulation, but he couldn’t have stopped himself pleading if his life had depended on it. He was soon past the point of being able to know what he begged for, but half-formed words still tripped off his tongue. Langdon moved around on the bed. Ivan tugged at the cuffs, setting chains rattling again, but he didn’t feel the metal against his wrists. He was aware how hard he was and how desperate he was to come, but the rest of Ivan’s body seemed to have given up sending in reports—the sensations from anywhere else in his body couldn’t compete with those from his prostate and his cock. Hands. Finally, messages from the skin on Ivan’s sides managed to get through to his brain. There were hands on his waist holding him steady. His ears quickly added a little more information—Langdon was talking to him about condoms and being ready.
Ivan nodded against the bed sheet, willing to agree with anything and everything if it gave him what he wanted. Something pressed against his hole, blunter and larger than Langdon’s fingers. An extra movement on Langdon’s behalf, a moment of pain, then fireworks. Langdon’s cock rubbed against that magic little place inside Ivan, and a little bit of discomfort was a tiny price to pay to get there. Ivan felt Langdon’s hands moving on his back and his shoulders, gentling him down. Words filled the air, calmly spoken and revolving around things like breathing and taking his time to relax and adjust around him. With his eyes closed, Ivan had never seen his future so clearly. This is what he wanted— what he’d found with Langdon was exactly what he needed. The strength in the other man surrounded him—not just physical strength, but mental strength as well. Langdon was strong enough to never be manipulated, strong enough to lead a man who had suddenly realized he was desperate to be led. Gradually, Langdon began to move; pulling away only to rock his hips and push his cock back inside Ivan to the hilt. Remaining as still as possible, Ivan accepted everything Langdon had to give him with pleasure and complete submission. There were far too many sensations to process. Ivan let his body worry about them all. He allowed his mind to float above everything, secure in the knowledge he didn’t have to do a single thing to govern the situation. That was Langdon’s job. Ivan’s job was simply to exist and to obey. “Come.” No command had ever been easier to follow. Ivan yelled out as he spilled across the sheet beneath him. He was aware of ecstasy bursting into his mind like a brilliant white light, a moment of pure perfection, then nothing… **** Langdon placed his elbow on the pillow and supported his head so he could stare down at Ivan in comfort. He hadn’t had many men pass out on him over the years. There again, he hadn’t met any men like Ivan. Yes, he’d moved to a new city to find a new club to play in as well as a new job, but this was so much more than he’d expected—and neither of them had even visited a club yet.
Ivan blinked and slowly opened his eyes. He half sat up. “That was…” he slumped back on the bed, apparently lost for words. It was only when he lifted a hand to push his fingers through his hair that he seemed to realize he still wore the handcuffs. When he saw them, he smiled. The response was so immediate it couldn’t be anything other than instinctive. “If we try to make this work, you’ll wear them often,” Langdon said, casually. Ivan glanced up at him. “I’d like that.” Langdon ran his finger over Ivan’s wrist, just below the line of a cuff. “Will you like being called to account if you lie to me or if you try to manipulate me, too?” “Yes.” Langdon studied Ivan’s eyes very carefully, they were filled with so many emotions it was impossible to decipher them all. “Don’t get me wrong, kiddo; I’m not looking for a doormat.” “You’re looking for a submissive,” Ivan said, so beautifully serene and accepting. “Yes.” Ivan smiled. “I’m glad.” He thought for a moment. “If I ask for something straight out, that doesn’t count as manipulation, does it?” “Ask me,” Langdon ordered. Ivan reached out with his bound hands and ran a fingertip across Langdon’s lips. This time there was no order behind the touch. “A kiss?” Langdon smiled. It was a request he was more than happy to fulfill. It was one thing to make sure he stayed in charge and took the lead, but quite another to be silly about it and refuse to do something so pleasurable just because it was the other man’s idea. He brought their lips together. Ivan was already learning how to kiss him back and follow his cues. Yes, there was no doubt he was a smart boy, and a pretty boy, and a boy who knew how to get his own way ninety-nine percent of the time, too. He was also Langdon’s submissive. From that moment on, it was that side of Ivan’s personality and Ivan’s need to obey that Langdon intended to indulge at every opportunity. After all, Langdon decided as he deepened the kiss, what better deal could a dominant offer a man he was already far more than halfway in love with?
About the Author
Kim Dare is a twenty-eight year old full time writer from Wales (UK). First published in December 2008, Kim has since released over fifty BDSM erotic romances. That means that well over one hundred characters have chattered away inside her head during that time—and that’s not even taking into account the fact that there are over three times that number of people clamoring in the wings for a chance to tell their stories. It’s no wonder she loses track of what’s happening in the “real” world at times… While Kim’s stories range over male/male, male/female and all kinds of ménage relationships and have included vampires, time travelers, shape-shifters and fairytale re-tellings, they all have three things in common—kink, love and a happy ending.
Also Available from Resplendence Publishing
Facing Fitz by Kim Dare A to Z Series, Book 4 It took Harvey months to work up the courage to let his friends set him up on a date with Fitz—a dominant he’d been admiring from afar ever since he set foot in the local kinky clubs. But, when their first scene ended in disaster before it even got started, he was very quick to retreat. Forget going back to the club where he made a fool of himself. Harvey’s determined never to leave the house again. Facing Fitz is out of the question. Fitz, however, has other ideas. Intrigued by what he saw on that first date he’s determined to do a real scene with Harvey. Dominant to the core, Fitz has no intention of walking away from a boy he’s genuinely interested in without a fight. Harvey is going to have to get over his embarrassment and face Fitz sooner or later and, with the help of a few friends, Fitz is determined he’ll do that tonight.
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Zane Conner is not only Raven’s foster brother but the only man Raven ever loved. Despite his mixed feelings about the situation, Raven can’t deny Zane when the older man asks for his help in saving the Lazy C Bar Ranch. A boy found dead on the ranch clinches Raven’s decision. Why did the young boy look so much like he had at that age—the same age he’d been when his own father had beaten him and left him for dead?
In the Shadow of a Hero by Anna Mayle A cop dies in the city, life goes on. For one little boy, though, it changed everything. Haunted by his past, Maxwell Thomas has grown up homeless and friendless, trapped by his guilt. Prowling the city, the small man guards the Church District like a vigilante, trying to make up for his crime. When he rescues the wrong rent boy, he is pulled back into the madness that destroyed him as a child. And now, another cop's life is on the line... Nick Kenna is a beat cop with dreams of being a detective. When he stumbles across a murder and the very unusual suspect, he finds himself caught, not only by the mystery of the vagrant he's apprehended, but something deeper that sparks between them. Will Nick be able to save Maxwell, from his past and himself? Or will love be lost as the broken man fades into the shadow of his hero?
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