Half a Man

alf a an War Tales 1

Scarlet Blackwell

Published by Silver Publishing Publisher of Erotic Romance

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Half a Man

Scarlet Blackwell

CHAPTER ONE February 1919 Jack Anderson watched from the window, agog, as the car swept up the tree-lined driveway to the country manor. The house perched atop the grounds, as though overseeing its environs, leaded windows flashing in the wan winter light. Despite the tidiness of the grounds, the driver's expensive livery and the ostentatious car, something about the house suggested neglect, dereliction. He was shown into the grand house by the butler and waited patiently at the foot of the sweeping staircase while the man took his hat, gloves, scarf, and coat. Jack looked at the paintings on the walls, the marble floor, the glittering chandelier, and the vast corridor stretching out before him. All was silent, the atmosphere closed and still. He coughed nervously. Really, most of his business was dealing with rich men, but he wasn't sure he had ever been to a house quite like this before. "This way, sir." The butler led him down the hall. Jack followed, wiping damp palms on his jacket, telling himself this was no different from any other engagement. The butler opened the door to a large living room. "Mr Jack Anderson, sir," he announced loudly, as though 1

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his employer was deaf. "Thank you, Clarke," came a soft voice. The butler stepped aside and looked pointedly at Jack. Jack hurried inside, crossing the hard wood floor swiftly. The door closed behind him and Jack stood looking at a man in a wheelchair. Sitting down, it was difficult to tell, but he appeared tall, his body lean in a smart black suit with white shirt. His black hair was brushed back neatly from his pale face with brilliantine; his eyes were an unusual mix of grey-green. He was handsome, but he looked sickly, like he hadn't been out of the house or seen sunlight in years. His eyes carried a certain look of wariness and undisguised sadness. He perused Jack with an enquiring gaze, eyes roaming over his body and back up to his face. Jack tried to stand tall, like a soldier awaiting inspection. Finally, he coughed to break the silence. "Jack Anderson, sir," he said. He moved forward and held out his hand. "Forgive my manners," the man said quickly, shaking it briskly. "I'm Robert Blake. Do sit down." Jack stepped back to a chaise longue directly behind him. He glanced around the room. Expensive furniture was lit by the light from the huge windows; rugs scattered the highly-polished floor. In a corner was a floor-to-ceiling 2

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bookcase, a large oak desk before it. To the far side, a fire blazed in the hearth, warming the chilly room. "So, Mr Anderson…" "Jack please," Jack said quickly. "Very well, and please call me Robert." Jack inclined his head in acknowledgement. "My secretary saw you?" "Yes." "He explained what I was looking for?" "A companion," Jack said politely. "Just so. And he explained my—" Robert gestured vaguely to his own body and the chair, "circumstances." "Of course." Robert was a war veteran, now confined to a wheelchair. His secretary had not expanded beyond this and Jack had thought it imprudent to ask. "Very well. I'll pay you for your time today, and should I wish to take further advantage of your services, it would be for an hour a week, if that's agreeable to you." "Yes." Jack was rather unsure about what providing services to a man in a wheelchair consisted of, but he suspected it might be the easiest money he had made in some time. He wasn't hugely successful. He still worked two days a week in a bookshop in London to supplement his income, but this might be just the job for him, even if the nature of his employer's circumstances unsettled him 3

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somewhat. "Well then," Robert said. "Tea?" He pushed his wheelchair closer to the occasional table and lifted the teapot. "Thank you." "Milk and sugar?" "Just milk." Jack got up to take the fine china cup and saucer with a polite thank you. "And a biscuit or a cake? My cook is legendary in these parts." Jack took a delicate little currant bun, placed it on a side plate and withdrew to his chaise longue. Robert poured himself some tea. He sipped, watching Jack over the rim of his cup. Jack took a bite of his bun. Certainly he had yet to go anywhere where his employer seemed less inclined to get down to the business in hand than here. It struck him then that maybe this was actually a job interview. That nothing but a formal chat would take place. He would have to be careful. He didn't want to make a fool of himself by suggesting anything when Robert had brought him here merely to drink tea and eat cakes. Robert balanced his cup on his lap. "So here's the thing, Jack," he began, clearly nervous. "I was shot in the back during the first day of combat at the Battle of the 4

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Somme. Although I continue to have feeling below the waist, I can't walk. I am affected in other ways. The nerves…" he trailed off, coughed, took a spotted hanky from his pocket and held it up a moment, covering most of his face. Jack was painfully embarrassed. "I understand." "You must wonder what I want with you." "A companion," Jack confirmed quickly. Robert

looked

up,

slowly

lowering

the

handkerchief. A tentative smile tugged at his mouth, his teeth perfect and pearly. "Just so." Jack smiled in return. His attraction to Robert was beyond question. Robert glanced at the grandfather clock in the corner. "So, if you wish to leave now…" Jack frowned. "I understood I would stay for an hour." "Yes, but…" Jack regarded him. It seemed less and less likely that Robert wanted him in any of the traditional ways his employers usually wanted him, unless he was waiting for Jack to encourage him in some way. He finished his tea and the last bite of his bun. He got up and placed the crockery back on the occasional table. Then he stood close enough in front of Robert to 5

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touch him. "Truly your cook is talented," he remarked. "Yes indeed," Robert said with a smile. "I have to ration myself in order to keep my figure." "Your figure looks just fine from what I can see." It was bold of him and Robert blushed becomingly. "Thank you." Jack stood looking down at him. Robert's gaze didn't waver from his. Finally, he gave a loud sigh. He tilted his head back, regarding the ceiling. "You should know, I haven't been out of the house since I returned from the hospital over two years ago. Not even for the Armistice celebrations last November. I have few visitors. I…" his mouth trembled visibly and Robert put a hand over it a moment. "I… have had no… relations. No one has touched me and I have touched no one. Sometimes I feel… starved for contact." He bent his head as though deeply ashamed. Jack moved closer. Robert's pain moved him. Hesitantly, Jack lifted his hand and stroked Robert's dark hair gently. Robert flinched. A little sound came from him. He reached up and encircled Jack's wrist with clumsy fingers, holding on tight. Jack hesitated, looking down at Robert's bowed 6

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head before he turned to one side and placed himself on Robert's lap. Robert caught his breath as Jack curled both arms around his neck and held on. Then his own arms came around Jack's body and he held him close with a long sigh. It was perfect. This was not something that usually took place within Jack's engagements but the tenderness of the moment appealed greatly to him. Something about the way Robert's body trembled against his, how his arms held him so tight, so protectively, as though Jack wasn't a stranger he had just met. Jack wasn't a romantic, but even he could get swept up in romance if he wasn't careful and the emotion of the moment took him away. Robert showed no signs of letting him go. He kept his face buried against Jack's chest and his arms tight. Jack stroked his hair again. He closed his eyes and let himself drift. Robert shifting beneath him woke him. Jack blinked, confused, found his cheek pressed against the smooth one of his would-be employer. He coughed, pulled back, climbed laboriously from Robert's lap, straightening his jacket. Glancing at the grandfather clock, he saw two hours had elapsed. He stared, thinking there was some mistake 7

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but a quick glance at his own wristwatch told him the same. "Sir…" he began in embarrassment. Robert lifted a hand. "Please don't apologise. It's I who should be sorry for taking you from your business." "I didn't…" Jack trailed off. He had no other business today and being here at the grand house with nothing wanted from him but this was preferable to being alone at his cold flat any day. "Regardless," Robert said, "I'll pay you for your extra time." "There's really no need. I fell asleep after all." "As did I." Robert smiled gently. "Some of the most peaceful sleep I've had since the war." Warmth blossomed across Jack's chest. He returned Robert's smile. "So, I'd like to engage you if you have no objections. The same day every week for an hour. My driver will collect you from home." "Very well." "Excellent." Robert turned his chair around and wheeled it slowly over to the desk. By the bookcase hung a bell pull. A distant jangling sounded in the great house and it was only a few moments before the butler appeared. "Ah, Clarke," Robert said. "Please ask Sayles to bring the car around and then return to show Mr Anderson 8

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out, if you will." The butler inclined his head. "Certainly, sir." He left the room. "I can find my own way out," Jack said. Whenever he went to rich men's houses, he always felt uncomfortable having the servants wait on him. He wasn't any different than them after all. In fact, they were engaged in a far more respectable trade than he. "Nonsense," Robert said. He wheeled his chair back over to Jack. "I look forward to seeing you next week." He held his hand out, grey-green eyes fixed on Jack. Jack shook it, the hand strong but soft. "Goodbye, sir. Thank you for your time." The door opened just in time as an uncomfortable silence had descended. Jack smiled at Robert one more time and turned to follow the butler. The butler showed him to the front door. He opened the door of Robert's car for him and Jack slid into the leather upholstery, looking back at the grand house as the car drove smoothly away. Jack was taken back to his one-bedroom flat in London. He lit the fire and made some tea. He sat staring into the flames while nursing the cup. He had met many war veterans since the end of the Great War last winter, many disabled, and many disfigured, many bitter and 9

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disillusioned. But he had never met any that had Robert's quiet dignity. He thought again of sitting on Robert's lap and sleeping the afternoon away and he smiled fondly to himself.

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CHAPTER TWO A week later, Robert's driver, Sayles, came to pick Jack up from his flat. Just like last week, Jack enjoyed the drive out of London to the countryside and up the sweeping driveway to the lonely house. He was escorted inside by the demure butler Clarke, who took his coat and hat and led him down the hall to the living room. Robert sat in his wheelchair by the window today, a book open on his lap. He greeted Jack with a smile, putting the book on the desk, carefully marking the page with a bookmark. Jack was gratified to see this. He disliked seeing a book placed face down where the spine would get broken. It showed an untidy, uncaring personality as far as he could see. "Good afternoon Jack, how are you today?" "Fine, thank you." Robert closed his book and rolled the wheelchair around the desk towards him. "That's good. Come and have some tea." Jack took the cup Robert handed him, selected the same little currant bun as last week and retreated to the chaise longue. "So, Jack," Robert said. "I meant to ask you about 11

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that accent of yours last week." Jack smiled. "Lancashire." "Ah, that's what I thought. Whereabouts in Lancashire?" "Blackpool." "How nice. I accompanied my parents there a couple of times when I was younger. It rained every time." Robert grinned. "What brought you to London?" "I was a student here." "Really?" Perhaps Robert didn't expect a man of Jack's occupation to be educated but Jack didn't mind. He wasn't the only one who assumed things about Jack. "Yes, I studied English Literature at Queen Mary." "That's splendid. You've seen my books?" Robert gestured behind him and Jack nodded. "That's only a small selection; I have a library, too. Do feel free to browse any time you come." "That's very kind of you." "I'm thrilled to meet someone with a passion for books." Jack smiled. "So, I can only presume your studies gained you exemption from the war?" "Correct." 12

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"How lucky." Robert sipped his tea. "And you didn't go back to Blackpool when you finished?" "No, I stayed in London. I thought I would have more luck finding work." There was an uncomfortable silence. Jack broke it. "Obviously, I didn't." Robert smiled. "So… I hope you don't think I'm prying. Certainly you don't have to give me a biography to work for me." "Oh no, that's all right. I work two days a week in a bookshop and the rest of the time I… provide companionship for gentlemen such as yourself." Robert regarded him a moment. He lifted an eyebrow. "You mean to tell me you have other such employers as me, Jack?" "Well, no." Jack blushed. "I meant…" "Rich men such as myself." "Quite, sir. Yes." Robert nodded. He looked at the buns on the occasional table a moment. "I thought this work was something you might refuse." Jack frowned. "Why?" "Because it's perhaps more… difficult than your other employment?" Their gazes held. Jack was sure he understood Robert's meaning. If he had been at his other 13

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work that day, he might have been lying looking at the ceiling within ten minutes of walking into the house. He might not have needed to speak at all during the whole hour he was there. Certainly he wouldn't have to take tea and cake and chat politely about where he was from. It was true that the lack of a confirmed structure to his visits made him somewhat nervous and uncomfortable. Nonetheless, he lied. "I wouldn't say that." "You wouldn't? But I haven't exactly made myself explicit about what I require from you have I?" "I usually understand, sir, without my employers making themselves explicit." Robert regarded him a moment. "Please get up and lock the door, Jack." A stirring of butterflies crept through Jack's stomach. An unusual sensation, one which rarely happened to him. He did as he was told, pushing the bolt home. Then he came back and stood in front of Robert's wheelchair, watching him. The silence dragged on. Jack was sure Robert wanted to ask for something but was too afraid. He did it for him. "Do you want me to take my clothes off, sir?" Robert bit his lip. He nodded wordlessly. Jack slipped off his jacket and threw it onto the chaise longue. He unfastened his cravat and slid it off, then 14

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unbuttoned his collar. His waistcoat followed and then he pulled his braces down, opened his shirt and pulled it off. Robert's gaze ran over his torso. Jack would never win strongman of the year but his body was lean and pleasantly muscled in all the right places. He had no issue with taking off his clothes. He stood still a moment. "Would you like me to continue?" "Yes." Robert seemed excited. His pupils were large and the movement of his chest was visible. Jack unfastened his boots and pulled them off, pushing them to one side. He peeled off his socks, and then he undid his belt and the buttons on his pants before he pushed them down his legs, neatly folding them before he put them on the chaise longue. He stood facing Robert in white shorts. Robert waited silently. He seemed in no rush. Jack removed the shorts, kicking them aside. He stood before Robert with hands behind his back as though awaiting inspection. His cock was half-hard; the excitement of stripping for a handsome man had done that to him. Robert's eyes dropped slowly down his body, lingering at his groin. "Turn around," he said. Jack did so, and being studied this way made him even harder. He felt Robert's gaze lingering on his backside 15

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before he turned back around. "You're very pleasing to the eye, Jack." "Thank you." "Can I… touch you?" "Yes." Jack stepped closer. "Would you… sit on my lap again?" "Yes." Jack climbed onto Robert's knee. This time he straddled him, face to face and he saw how the intimate position shocked his employer. Robert put his hands out to his sides a moment, holding them in the air as though he were scared to touch. Then slowly, he lifted them, placing them on Jack's cheeks, cupping his face. His touch was reverent, as though Jack was a treasured antique that would break with rough handling. His fingertips stroked, as though luxuriating in the feel of Jack's skin. He moved down to his jaw and then his throat, fitting his hands around it as though to strangle Jack. Jack wasn't afraid. Robert's hands fluttered over his clavicles. One finger delved into the hollow between the bones. He stroked the little space a moment. "Can I kiss you here?" "Yes. You can kiss me anywhere you want, Robert." 16

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Robert drew his breath in. He lowered his head and kissed the notch between Jack's clavicles tenderly. His mouth feathered across the bone to his left shoulder. He kissed here, and then he moved back, up the side of Jack's neck, kissing his throat. Jack's head hung back. He sighed in pleasure. His cock rested hard against his belly. He held Robert's head with one hand, fingers raking through his hair. Robert continued to kiss his throat, each kiss raising a goose bump on Jack's naked body. "You smell so good." His hands slid slowly down the curve of Jack's back and onto his buttocks, which he held possessively. Jack shivered. He arched a little as Robert's mouth worked down his chest and his tongue flicked lightly over one nipple. Robert looked up at him through thick lashes. "Do you like that?" "Yes." "How sensual you are, Jack. I didn't expect your body to react this way to my touch." Jack wanted to ask him why. He could only presume that Robert thought himself unattractive and incapable of arousing others because he was confined to a wheelchair. Nothing could have been further from the truth. Robert's tongue came out again. It wet one nipple 17

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and then he sucked it into his mouth, tongue stabbing gently at it. Jack caught his breath, stifling a moan. He held Robert's head, fingertips stroking the bare skin between his short hair and his shirt collar. Robert turned his attention to the other nipple, licking and sucking, leaving the stiff peak wet and rosy. The fire which rushed into his groin from Robert's mouth shocked Jack. He couldn't remember the last time an employer had so fiercely aroused him. He shifted on Robert's lap, not so discreetly rubbing his cock against the front of his jacket. Still Robert lavished attention on his chest and played with his nipples. While he did this, his hands stroked Jack's buttocks and thighs. Very slowly, fingertips moved between Jack's spread legs and fondled his balls. Jack gasped. "Oh please…" he moaned helplessly, squirming. Robert lifted his head. "Please what?" "Please touch me." Robert smiled shyly. He seemed gratified that Jack would ask for it. A hand encircled his cock. "Here?" Jack bucked up. "God, yes." Robert looked down, watching his own hand sliding up Jack's length. He rubbed a thumb slowly over the head, around and around, passing maddeningly over the slit. Jack 18

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hissed between his teeth. He braced his hands on Robert's shoulders and pressed into his hand. The movement of his hips simulated sex and was clearly not lost on Robert. He gave a low groan, his free hand cupping Jack's buttocks, lifting his pelvis up to meet his. Robert's response further excited Jack. His cock strained in Robert's hand. He pressed his lips to Robert's throat, to scented, smooth skin and felt Robert tremble beneath him. "Oh God, you're so beautiful," he told Jack, and Jack spilled helplessly into his hand with a cry and fell limply against him. Robert held him tight with one arm. It was only a moment before Jack pulled back and looked down with dismay. "I'm sorry." "There's no need." "Your suit. It's everywhere." "It doesn't matter." Robert took a hanky from his top pocket. He wiped off his hand and then dabbed at the front of his shirt and jacket. Jack climbed off his lap and hurriedly dressed, embarrassed. He was the one providing the favours. Rarely did he climb satiated from an employer's lap, giving 19

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nothing in return. The feeling was strange. He was earning money and he was enjoying himself into the bargain. It felt wrong. He sat back on the chaise longue, studying his boots. "What's wrong?" "Nothing." Robert was silent a moment before he spoke. "You're unhappy that I did that to you." "I'm supposed to be the one pleasing you, sir. I'm not supposed to come here and get that." "And don't you think it pleased me?" Jack held his gaze. "I don't know." "It did. It pleased me to look on your beautiful body, to touch you, to make you come." Jack looked down at his boots again. "If this arrangement is too difficult for you, I'll understand. I'll pay you for your time today and then we'll say goodbye." Jack bit his lip. He shook his head. "Are you sure?" "I'm sure." Robert regarded him. "You don't seem sure." "I am." "So if I touched you again like that next time, you 20

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wouldn't be upset?" "No. But perhaps you could wear an old suit, or put a serviette over the front to protect it." Robert grinned. "Don't fuss. Let's have some more tea." He wheeled his chair around to the bell pull. Jack sat back with ecstasy still thrumming through his veins and thought with dizzy excitement about coming here once a week to be pleasured by Robert's hand. A very satisfactory arrangement indeed. Clarke brought them fresh tea and cakes. Jack took a little butterfly bun with buttercream filling. He sipped his tea and watched Robert. "What was the war like?" Robert's expression darkened. He stared down into his tea. "I'm sorry," Jack said quickly. Robert waved his hand. "Don't worry. Perhaps another time though?" "Of course." Jack cursed himself inwardly. After a silence, Robert spoke. "Are all your employers men?" "Yes." "Did you always know you liked boys?" "Yes. But I like women sometimes too." "You do?" 21

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"Yes." "I presume your parents don't know?" "What, that I sometimes like women?" Robert smiled. "No, they don't know I like men. How could I ever tell them that? Nor do they know what I do for a living in London." "Do you find your job difficult?" Jack regarded him a moment. To sit chatting this way was very strange, but then everything about this particular employment was bizarre. "No," he said frankly. "I like the money, which is why I carry on doing it." Robert nodded. "It must be rewarding financially." "Yes. My men buy me things too. Sometimes they take me away." Jack could have bit his own tongue off the moment the words came out of his mouth. Why exactly had he said that? "I didn't mean… I wasn't hinting that you…" "I know," Robert said gently, looking amused. "It's unlikely I'd take you away Jack, as nice as it might be. Your men must be much braver than I when it comes to their preferences." Jack was silent. Then he said, "I hope you have someone in whom you can confide." "I have two friends who share my tastes. I don't see 22

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them quite as much since the War, though. They're both able-bodied and I don't go to the same clubs in London with them the way I used to." Jack imagined he knew what sort of clubs Robert had once frequented. "Surely nothing prevents you still going?" Robert poured himself some more tea. "Access is difficult." "They would accommodate you." Robert met his gaze. "You see through me Jack." "Yes I do. You're afraid. You're entitled to take your pleasure like any man, Robert. You shouldn't have to pay someone like me." Robert's glance was warm. "I assure you it's no hardship to pay someone like you." Jack blushed in pleasure. This man could melt him effortlessly with a few words of praise. "But still…" he tried to steer them back on track. "No matter, Jack," Robert said quickly. "Don't try to persuade me otherwise, unless you wish to be out of a job." He winked. "More tea?" "Please." Jack glanced at the clock. The hour was up but he said nothing. He got up and let Robert refill his cup. "So, how old are you Jack if it's not too crass a 23

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question?" Jack sat back down and stirred the milk into his tea. "Twenty-three." "A good age. I feel embarrassed that I'm somewhat older." "I don't care how old you are, Robert. You don't look much beyond thirty." "I'm not much beyond thirty." "Good." Jack looked at the cakes again. "Is there going to be cake every time I come here?" Robert looked amused. "I expect so. And I'm sure with your job, you get plenty of exercise." "Yes, I do." "Then you don't need to worry about eating cakes every time you come here, do you?" Jack got up. "In that case, I'll have another." As he reached for a bun, Robert caught him by the wrist. "Come here a moment." He pulled Jack close. Jack put one hand on the arm of Robert's chair, steadying himself, leaning down. Face to face, they watched each other. Robert smoothed soft fingertips over his cheek. "Thank you for coming back." "You thought I wouldn't?" "I don't know. This sort of awkwardness isn't what 24

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you need." Jack's back was hurting from leaning over. He turned sideways and sat on Robert's lap again. "What sort of awkwardness? Where I sit on your knee while you show me a very nice time? I don't call that awkward at all." He grinned. Robert smiled. "You're a nice boy, Jack. Too nice for the likes of me." "Hush." Jack put a finger on his lips. Robert opened then pursed them and kissed his finger. Jack regarded him a moment. He leaned closer, his finger tracing the outline of Robert's full lips. Robert watched him with wide eyes, mouth parted in surrender. His lashes fell shut as Jack kissed him. It was something magical; that was not in doubt. The heat which crackled between them was almost frightening. Robert held Jack firmly in his arms and they kissed and kissed until Jack thought he would lose his mind. He pulled back, panting for breath, his lips feeling swollen with passion. Robert stared up at him. "I didn't mean for that to happen," Jack said. It was rare that he kissed his gentlemen acquaintances. "Nor did I," replied Robert. "Are you sorry it did?" "No." 25

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"Nor am I." Robert smiled shyly. Jack climbed off his lap. "I should go. It's past time." "Of course. I'll get the car." Robert turned around to ring the bell pull. Jack straightened his jacket. For a moment he touched his still smarting lips. "I'm sorry I kept you." Jack shook his head. "That's all right." "Same time next week?" "Yes." Clarke opened the door. "Yes, sir?" "Mr Anderson's ready to leave." "Of course, sir." Rather than wait while Clarke summoned the driver and returned, Jack followed him out. "Goodbye, Robert." "Goodbye, Jack, take care." Jack closed the door behind him. He let Clarke help him on with his coat and while the butler went to get the car, Jack stood in the hall, looking back at the closed door he had just come from and wishing he could go back inside.

Robert wheeled his chair to the window. He watched as Jack descended the steps and got into the car. 26

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For a moment, his glance flickered up. Robert, embarrassed to be caught spying, raised one hand. Jack returned it. He climbed into the car and it made its way down the sweeping driveway. Robert came away from the window. He sipped the last bit of tea in his cup. He looked down at the white stain on the front of his suit. He hadn't expected his first foray into causing someone else's pleasure while receiving none of his own to be quite so arousing, but it was. Regardless of his incapability, his loins had stirred. His heart had beaten faster and Jack's pleasure had swarmed through his own veins. If only his body could have reacted the way he wanted it to. The way it should. He would never have Jack the way he wanted him.

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CHAPTER THREE Jack would be a liar if he said he hadn't constantly, over the next two days, thought about the kiss, or sitting on Robert's lap with his employer's hand stroking him so sweetly. He was looking forward to his next visit and cursed himself for thinking this way. At the weekend, Mr Drew, Robert's secretary, arrived. Jack saw him sitting outside in Robert's car as he returned from an engagement at one of his gentleman's clubs. He stopped, surprised, when Mr Drew rolled down the window. "Mr Anderson," said the secretary. "I have an envelope here from Mr Blake, together with a note. If you are agreeable, I will take you back with me forthwith." Confused, Jack took the two items Mr Drew handed to him. The bulging envelope was stuffed with notes— more than agreed because Jack had stayed late. The second was a letter. Jack, I know you're a busy man and forgive me for such short notice, but please do me the honour of calling on me today. I wait in fond hope, 28

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Robert Jack was taken aback. He looked at Mr Drew helplessly while he tried to make his mind up. He was tired, he had been looking forward to supper and an early night and unplanned activities upset his routine. But this was Robert and Jack couldn't stop thinking about him. He hovered outside his flat, torn. He knew he was dishevelled after a somewhat rough and tumble session at the club, but God, he wanted to see Robert and he didn't want to make Mr Drew wait while he got changed. He opened the back door of the car and got in. Robert regretted the note as soon as he wrote it. Sending for Jack before the week was out would show him just how keen Robert was on his company. He didn't like to think that Jack might laugh at him, might see Robert as a source of easy money. But Robert dismissed that thought as he sat at the window looking out over the grounds. Jack didn't seem the mercenary type. He didn't seem like the sort of man who would think cruel, callous thoughts about Robert. Maybe he hid it well. Maybe he was the consummate professional who gave clients what they wanted and behaved in just the right way to string them along. Robert would be better to keep Jack on a casual 29

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basis. Thinking about him in the wrong way and asking for unscheduled meetings was only going to send the wrong message. He looked up as the door opened and Clarke stepped in. "Mr Anderson, sir." Robert couldn't help the way his heart clenched in his chest with pleasure. Couldn't help the smile he gave Jack as he entered. "Jack, thank you so much for indulging me." Jack strode forward and shook Robert's outstretched hand. He looked uneasy, a trifle less smart in appearance than usual. "Afternoon tea will be in order please, Clarke," Robert said then he motioned to Jack to sit and studied him a moment. "How are you, Jack?" "Well, thank you," Jack said. "And yourself?" "As well as can be expected." Robert glanced towards the door and lowered his voice. "I found myself thinking about… what I did to you, as you sat in my lap. I found myself wanting much more." Jack flushed slightly. He looked uncomfortable. "Is there anything wrong?" Jack twisted his hands in his lap with head bowed. "You're cross with me," Robert said. "For 30

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summoning you at such short notice." Jack lifted his gaze, intense, pale blue eyes fixing on him. "No. It's just… I need to…" His blush deepened, a dark vermilion stain flooding his white skin. "I would very much appreciate it if you would let me bathe first prior to…" Jack broke off, perhaps aware he babbled. Robert stared at him. Peculiarly, his heart sank, despite what he knew about Jack. "You've been with another man," he stated. Jack's knuckles whitened as he clenched his hands together. His mouth worked for a moment before he spoke. "I had an engagement earlier this afternoon. I had just reached home when I saw Mr Drew waiting. I had no time to…" "You could have taken the time you needed," Robert said gently. He couldn't believe how Jack was losing his composure. "I didn't want to keep Mr Drew waiting. Nor you." Jack lifted his head. "Forgive me for coming here with the evidence of another man on me. It's unforgiveable." Tears stood in his pale blue eyes. "Jack," Robert said, his heart melting at this sight. "Don't trouble yourself so. Come here." He held out a hand. Jack shook his head, swallowing, rubbing a hand over his eyes. 31

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"Jack, why are you so embarrassed by this?" Robert was moved and unsettled. He only longed to show Jack comfort. "It's singular bad manners of me. To present myself thus, to appear so unprofessional…" Robert rolled his chair forward. "Please come to me, Jack." Jack stood and took a couple of steps and Robert caught his hand, pulled Jack against the side of his chair and wrapped an arm around him. "Hush, no more." Jack's hands gripped Robert's face and buried his face in Robert's hair while Robert held him close. On the front of Jack's waistcoat, he smelled cologne; a different scent from the one Jack usually wore. There was his other man, and Robert knew too what other evidence would be on Jack's body. Out of the blue, he felt murderous jealousy. The man he held had been kissed, pawed, and penetrated by another man that very same day. Had Jack writhed in ecstasy the way he had when Robert brought him to climax? Had he been so very amenable to this man too? Did he excite this man the way he excited Robert? Suddenly, he didn't want Jack anymore. Not even were he to bathe would Robert avail himself of his services that day. Not now. He let his companion go abruptly and 32

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Jack staggered back, humiliation written all over his beautiful face. He hurried to the door even as Robert, regretful, called him back. But the door closed behind Jack, leaving Robert alone. Jack cried quietly in the back of Robert's car with a concerned Sayles eyeing him in the rearview mirror. Why had he humiliated himself by racing off to Robert with no thought to the matter of his dress and personal hygiene? Why had he asked Robert to be able to wash, presuming Robert would be agreeable to waiting for Jack to wash another man's seed from him, in his own house? How very base of him. How callous, unprofessional and downright disgusting. How could he even bear to look Robert in the face again? A heavy shower started once Jack had left and Robert sat and watched the raindrops roll down the window pane. Why had Jack hastened to him direct from another man? Was he so eager to please, so desirous of the money? Could it be something else? After all, the way Jack was so upset… The ludicrous thought made Robert tremble. Perhaps Jack hastened to him as any man would hasten to 33

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his lover. Perhaps he missed Robert, longed for his company and couldn't wait to see him again. He laughed bitterly at his romantic thoughts. What would a young man with many romantic admirers see in him exactly, besides the size of his wallet? He closed his eyes and shuddered as he remembered Jack on his lap, straining into his hand. His poetic cry as he spilled himself. None of Jack's enjoyment had been false. Could it be beyond the realms of possibility that Jack hastened here because he felt the same as Robert?

A letter arrived from Robert two days later. My dear Jack, Please do not trouble yourself over the events of Saturday. Nothing has changed my desire for your company and I hope you find yourself disposed to continue our arrangement to our mutual benefit. Robert Jack's finger traced the letters of Robert's name. As much as he tried to stop himself falling, he only fell ever deeper.

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CHAPTER FOUR Jack debated back and forth with himself about going back to the grand house the following week, but when Sayles arrived, Jack was dressed and ready to go. He made sure he looked immaculate in his best black threepiece suit, with his hat and tailored woollen overcoat. He took a drink of brandy beforehand to steady his nerves and then he sat silently in the back of the car and watched the miserable post-war greyness of London disappear behind the car and rolling countryside open up before him. A steady downpour had turned to a drizzle. Despite the grim weather, the signs of spring approaching were everywhere—daffodils and snowdrops peeping through the wet earth, flashes of bobbed tails in the woods as the car wound its way down the country road. Jack loved spring and the way everything felt reborn, but he had never yet lived through a spring following a world war. It was hard to raise one's spirits when only last week The Times had announced the third wave of influenza in less than a year. People were seen in public wearing masks. Cemeteries were full to overflowing. The Times suggested 'smoking may be helpful to some extent.' Jack didn't intend to take up that particular vice to increase his chances of survival, but he was more careful 35

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these days. He tried not to go out where there would be huge crowds of people. If he had an engagement with one of his gentlemen and anyone else in the room seemed unwell, Jack would leave. A young, fit man such as himself, bizarrely, was a prime candidate. As if the world hadn't taken enough hardship with a four year war of attrition—now Mother Nature got her own back on mankind for the havoc he had wreaked. At least, that was how it seemed to Jack. There was nothing to be cheerful about—except maybe Robert, a port in a storm in the darkest year of Jack's life. Clarke showed him into the living room where the fire blazed brightly in the hearth and Jack walked over to Robert's chair and shook hands politely. "Hello Jack, how are you?" Robert was all smiles. Did he actually still look forward to Jack's company despite the events of last week? "Fine thank you, Robert. And yourself?" "Very well. Do sit down. Shall I pour you some tea?" "Yes, thank you." "Cook's made the little buns with the currants; she's noticed those are your favourites." Jack smiled shyly. He got up to take his cup and saucer and side plate from Robert before settling uneasily 36

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once more. Was Robert going to mention last week? Could it be glossed over so easily? "The weather's lousy today, isn't it?" Jack sipped at his tea. "It is. I went out this morning for a paper and got soaked." "Oh dear. Never mind, it'll soon be spring." "Yes." "Have you done anything interesting this week?" Jack took a bite of his bun and chewed while he thought. "Just the usual." Making money the dishonest way. "I saw the new Chaplin film at the Odeon." "Oh and how was that? I love him. I saw one or two of his films at French cafés during the war." "It was very funny." Robert seemed to become glassy-eyed with memory. He glanced away. "He had the ability to make me completely forget that I was hundreds of miles from home and my leave was running out minute by minute as I sat watching him. He made me forget I was going back to the front and almost certain death." Robert's mouth twisted into a sardonic grin. He indicated his chair. "Or at least a living death." Jack swallowed, uncomfortable. He tried to choose his words carefully. "You don't actually wish that you'd… died, do you?" 37

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Robert shrugged. "Sometimes. Most times." "But…" "But what? I came back from France half a man. That's no way to live." "But… if you'd died, you'd never have seen a Chaplin film again and I think his best work is still yet to come." Robert stared at him a moment before he burst out laughing, spilling tea on his pants. "Curse it. Jack, you're so funny." Jack hurried forward, taking a serviette off the table and dabbing at Robert's pants. "It's all right." Robert tried to shoo him away. He sat back, still smiling. Jack wasn't sure if the tears in his eyes were with laughter or not. "Do you know they call him Charlot in France?" "Why?" "I've no idea. But if you say Charlot, everyone knows who you're talking about." "It has a nice ring to it." "It does. I'm proud that he's English and he's gone over and taken Hollywood by storm." "Me too." "The British spirit, eh?" Robert put his cup down on the table. "I didn't feel much of that on that first day at the Somme when I watched my friends and colleagues mowed 38

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down before me like toy soldiers. It just seemed like mass slaughter to me." Jack didn't know what to say. How did you begin to comfort a man who would live with this pain for the rest of his life? He stood up, put his cup and plate on the table and then leaned over Robert, stroking one cheek softly. Robert looked up at him. He took Jack's hand, turned his head to press a kiss into the palm. "Jack," he said in a low tone. "Your visits are becoming very dear to me. Perhaps we should make this the last one." Jack frowned. He shook his head mutely. "I don't wish to form an attachment. It would be wrong of me. And it must be a strain on you, with my mental health the way it is." "I don't want to stop coming here," Jack insisted. "Don't make me." He leaned down over Robert, captured his lips in a kiss. Robert moaned softly. His hands clutched at Jack's shoulders, pulled him down onto his lap. There, the kiss spiralled into passion and desperation. Jack met Robert's tongue with his own. He took Robert's breath into his mouth, sucked it into his own lungs and held it there, treasured and sacred. Robert broke the kiss. He buried his face against Jack's chest, holding him close. 39

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"I thought about what we could do today," he said, his voice muffled. Jack stroked his hair. "And?" "And I thought if I lay down, you could kneel over me and I could… take you in my mouth." Jack thought he would shiver in excitement. "Are you sure?" "Of course. It's one of my very favourite things to do." "Better than watching Chaplin?" "Well, I'm not sure about that. You tell me after." Jack got off Robert's knee. Robert rolled his chair over to the chaise longue and backed it up while Jack watched. "Shall I help you?" "No. I have good upper body strength." Robert took the arm off his chair to slide across. He lifted himself slowly using his arms, dragging himself tortuously onto the couch. "So I see." Robert pulled one leg, then the other onto the couch. He lay with his head some way down and his feet dangling over the edge. "You're too tall for this," Jack remarked. "Never mind, we'll go upstairs next time. Why don't you undress?" 40

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Jack started to strip. Once more he liked the effect Robert's gaze had on him. He was uneasy about doing this though. He didn't like the uncomfortable and downright submissive position Robert was in. He climbed hesitantly astride him. "Up here." Robert's hands guided him, lifting Jack's knees over his shoulders so he straddled his head. Robert looked up at him, his lips a few inches from Jack's hard cock. "I'm not sure about this." Robert took hold of his shaft, stroking slowly. "Why not?" "You'll get a stiff neck." "So? I don't care about that." "It doesn't seem right." "Right? What do you mean? You're not still thinking of that whole thing about me pleasing you again, are you?" "Yes. You're getting nothing out of this." "I'm getting plenty out of it. I'm getting your beautiful body over me like this while I use my mouth to make you come. What more could I ask for?" Jack swallowed. "You'll stop if you get tired?" "Of course. Come here." Robert opened his mouth, pulling Jack forward by the hips. 41

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Jack took hold of his cock. Delicately, he aimed it into Robert's mouth. Robert craned upwards, sucking nearly all of it down in a swirl of heated saliva. Jack gasped. He clutched to the back of the chaise longue, trying to keep himself still and not thrust down Robert's throat. But it was difficult. The movement of Robert's mouth cried out for Jack to assist the rhythm with his hips. He groaned and gasped as Robert slid up and down his shaft, leaving it glistening wet. It was the most wonderful sucking he'd had in ages; the most enthusiastic, the most proficient, the most arousing. Robert's hands clasped his naked buttocks. They pulled him forward so Jack slid deeper and with eyes open, looking up at him, Robert kept still, moving Jack forward rhythmically, using his hands. Jack understood, even if he wasn't happy. He thrust lightly and gently, slipping in and out of Robert's wet mouth, with eyes glued on the grey-green ones below him. Robert encouraged him with his hands. Jack's arousal reached boiling point. He used Robert's mouth as his employer dictated and soon he was drifting away on a tide of ecstasy. He leaned forward, hands on the arm of the chaise 42

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longue above Robert's head. He thrust quickly, eagerly, and the slight scrape of teeth merely spurred him on. Robert held him harder, closer as Jack became uncontrolled in his pleasure, striving desperately towards his climax. He hit the peak, cried out and tried to pull back but Robert held him firm, brought him forward and Jack erupted, bucking jerkily, shuddering all over, long hard waves which wracked his body. Gasping, he pulled free, bent over Robert, and clung to the arm of the couch. Hands stroked his buttocks and thighs. Jack eased his legs from over Robert's shoulders. He slid down and collapsed against Robert's body, lips seeking his neck, planting fervent kisses. "Oh God." Robert's hand tangled in his hair, stroking affectionately. "You liked that?" Jack shivered. He nuzzled the scented skin of Robert's throat above his stiff shirt collar. "Need you ask?" Robert's other hand slid down his back. "Better than watching Chaplin?" "Better," Jack affirmed. "But only because it's you doing it." Robert smiled. It crinkled the skin around his eyes into fine, endearing lines. "You charmer." "It's true." 43

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Robert kissed him on one eyelid. "You know how to make me feel good, Jack." "That's why I'm here." Robert's hand caressed his backside. "Your cheeks are like a plump, little peach." Jack wriggled deliberately against his hand. He lifted one leg carefully so Robert's fingers slid between them. "You tease." "Who's teasing?" Jack replied. Robert fondled his balls. His fingers slid up into the cleft of Jack's buttocks. Jack held his breath in excitement, already thickening once more. Robert took his hand away. Both his arms encircled Jack in a brief hug. "Why don't you get dressed now?" Jack was disappointed but did as he was told. Perhaps Robert was shy about touching him there. It didn't matter. He dressed quickly while Robert sat up and manoeuvred himself back into his wheelchair. He then rang the bell and asked for more tea. This signalled their visit was coming to an end and Jack sat down, feeling somewhat deflated. He had wanted the physical intimacy to last longer and cursed himself for his greed. 44

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Robert smiled at him, but it seemed strained. Jack was confused. He wasn't sure what had happened in the few minutes since his climax. Was Robert cross because Jack had tried to get him to touch him there? Did he dislike Jack's forwardness? He felt miserable. The tea arrived and Robert poured. Jack glanced at the clock and Robert noticed. "Do you want to go?" "Only if you've finished with me," Jack said, embarrassed. Robert put the teapot down with a faint clatter. "I have. You're excused." He tugged the bell pull again. Jack waited, regarding him. "Are you angry with me?" "No, why do you say that?" Jack maintained eye contact. Clarke entered the room. "Mr Anderson's leaving," Robert directed him. "Very well, sir. This way please." Jack loitered. He held his hand out. "Goodbye, Robert." Robert shook it. "Goodbye, Jack." Jack left the room, closing the door behind him. In the car, he stared back at the vanishing house and wondered if he would ever see Robert again.

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Robert ate one of the currant buns from the tray, although he knew the once powerful muscles of his physique wasted away day by day. It hardly mattered. He had no one to keep himself in trim for, no lover who would ever look upon him and marvel at his beauty. He wheeled his chair out into the great hall and entered the library on the other side of the corridor. This overlooked the beautiful grounds at the back of the house. He sat watching the rain run down the windows and drip from the delicate snowdrops in the flower beds. He had felt reluctance that day to get any more physically intimate with Jack and he didn't know why, considering that was what he had originally hired him for. But Jack, even though it was his job to act, seemed to enjoy it more than Robert would have ever imagined he would. He'd felt how much Jack had wanted him to touch him there and Robert had been afraid of the strength of Jack's need and the strength of his own. This once a week meeting had become the only thing of interest in Robert's life, and after Jack hastening to him last week from another man, he worried it might become the most important in Jack's life too. Robert could never give him anything he needed. Not when he could never be satisfied himself. The intensity of the feelings growing between them was too much. This couldn't go on. 46

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CHAPTER FIVE Jack spent a miserable week. Elsie Smedley, a longstanding patron of the book shop and a friend of Jack's, succumbed to pneumonia brought on by influenza. She was the closest person to Jack so far who had died in the pandemic and his sorrow was beyond measure. His sadness was compounded when Mr Drew arrived at his flat the day before Jack's next scheduled visit to the house. He had the envelope of money with him as usual and on the doorstep, he coughed and told Jack that Mr Blake had concluded their business. Jack stared. "Did he send a letter?" "No, sir." "Damn him. Come in Mr Drew and please take a letter back to your employer." "As you will, sir." Jack sat down at the kitchen table with a notepad and pen while Mr Drew sat patiently waiting in the living room. What exactly could he say that would change Robert's mind and why exactly did he care so much anyway? Dear Robert, I felt you were displeased with me on 47

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my last visit and I thought it might have been because you deemed me inappropriate. I can only beg your humble apologies and ask that you give me another chance. Our arrangement is an agreeable one and it would disappoint me if it were broken. Yours, Jack Anderson. Jack was unhappy with that but he put it in an envelope regardless and sealed it, handing it to Mr Drew who inclined his head and said he would take it back to his employer forthwith. Jack could do no more. He dressed for that day's engagement with one of his gentlemen and tried to put Robert out of his mind.

Robert was surprised by the letter. He agonised over it for the rest of the day and then finally told Sayles to pick up the young gentleman from London at the usual time tomorrow. What else could he do? Jack had requested he didn't break their engagement and Robert was an honourable man. He was also a man with desires, despite his incapability. Tomorrow, he would take Jack firmly in hand. 48

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Jack followed Clarke down the grand hall into the living room. His relief had been overwhelming when the car arrived that afternoon as usual. The first thing he noticed was that there was no tea or cakes out on the occasional table. "Ah, Jack, good to see you." Robert wheeled himself forward, hand outstretched. Jack took it, his own somewhat clammy with nerves. Robert waited patiently for Clarke to close the door before he spoke again. "Your hand perspires. Are you nervous?" "A little," Jack admitted. "Why?" "Because this might be my last chance to impress you." Robert smiled gently. "You don't need to do that, Jack. You already have." "But I'm sorry, for whatever—" "There's nothing to be sorry for," Robert cut in. "I promise you. But I thought our meetings should have more structure from now on. There was altogether too much sitting around chatting. I know you're a busy man and I've 49

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been wasting your time." Jack stared. He'd liked the sitting around chatting. He'd liked learning about the man behind the chair. "So if you'll get undressed, I'll tell you what I want." Jack stood there a moment. This wasn't Robert at all. But at the same time, he was aroused by it. He started to strip. "When you're done, I want you to kneel up on the chaise longue, facing the back. Lean forward so you can hold on, but stick your bottom out, so it's near the edge." To be given directions this way always excited Jack; he couldn't help it. When it was Robert giving them, it was doubly thrilling. He took off his underwear and knelt on the couch as he was told, looking back over his shoulder. "Open your legs wider and bend forward further." Jack did so. His cock was hard. He watched Robert take a small glass bottle off the table and roll forward on silent wheels. Jack flinched as one hand stroked his bare buttocks. "I want to touch you here. I have some oil to use. Is that all right?" "Yes." "I don't want to hurt you. You'll tell me if it's too 50

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much?" "Yes." "Very well." Robert poured some oil into the palm of his left hand. He dipped the fingers of his right hand into it, rubbing and coating them thoroughly. Jack turned his head away and waited, shivering with excitement. Fingers traced the cleft of his buttocks. One found his entrance, stroking slowly. Jack stifled a moan. He spread his legs wider. The finger teased and caressed. It pressed gently, opening him up slowly, and then it impaled him. Jack gasped as it entered smoothly. He gripped the back of the couch. "Do you like that?" "Yes." "Good boy." A second finger entered him. They twisted and turned before Robert found what he was looking for. Jack jolted as though electrocuted. He moaned, pressed back against the fingers and touched his own cock with a greedy hand. "Have you been touched here before?" "Yes." "Lucky you. Will you come if I carry on?" 51

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"Yes." Jack buried his face in the back of the couch, panting for breath, stroking himself rapidly. Robert kept pushing the fingers into him. Jack couldn't help how much pleasure this caused him. He closed his eyes and imagined the man behind him was whole and was about to enter him with his cock. The fingers made a slick, wet sound inside him. Robert squeezed Jack's balls gently with his other hand, weighing them in his palm. His mouth pressed kisses along Jack's spine. It was too much to take. Jack howled as the orgasm washed over him like a tidal wave. He clenched around Robert's fingers, pulsing, spilling over his own fingers in a torrent. He rode the fingers a moment as the climax died away, and then he slumped forward against the couch while the fingers slid free. "Excuse me a moment." Jack looked up to see Robert wheeling himself from the room. He presumed he was washing his hands. Tiredly, he cast about for his clothes. He was dressed by the time Robert returned, followed by Clarke who carried the tea tray. Robert thanked him as he set it down and Clarke left the room. Robert started to pour. 52

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Jack sat uncomfortably in silence. He got up to take his tea and a bun, and then he sipped a moment before he spoke. "How long were you in France, Robert?" Robert paused with his cup, held to his lips, frowning. "I thought we decided not to sit talking." "No, you decided. I enjoy our chats. They're almost as pleasurable as…" Jack blushed. Robert smiled wryly. "I thought they made our arrangement difficult." "You mean because I ask things about you that you'd rather not tell me?" Robert set his cup on his lap and stared down into it. "Because they make us real to each other." "And you would rather I was someone faceless? That would be easier for you?" Robert bit his lip. "I would rather you came here, undressed, let me do what I want to you and then went away." "And that would please you more would it?" "Yes." "I don't believe you. What I think is that you need the mental contact as much as you need the physical." Robert glanced away with jaw clenched. He put his cup back onto the table, turned his chair around and 53

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wheeled it to the window. Jack waited in the silence. He drank his tea and waited for Robert to speak. "I was in France two years." Jack was astonished. It was unheard of for a British soldier to last so long. "I volunteered." "In God's name, why?" Robert gave a bitter laugh. He turned his chair around and came back to sit opposite Jack. "I believed in it at the time. Some of my friends did it so I went along. I felt proud to fight for my country." "Did any of your friends survive?" "One." "What happened when you were injured?" Robert paused a moment as though it were too painful to speak. He spoke with head lowered. "My commanding officer was hurt. I was trying to drag him to safety. Men were screaming at me to leave him. I felt something hit me in the back and suddenly I couldn't stand. I fell down. My legs were weightless. I lay there next to him. He held my hand and told me it was going to be all right." "Did he survive?" Robert's head jerked up. Tears stood starkly in his 54

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grey-green eyes. His lip trembled. "Yes, but he…" Jack frowned. There was something far more to this tale than met the eye. Robert swallowed. "My superior, James, he and I… we were sleeping together." Jack stared, jaw open. "While I was in hospital, he was court-martialled. They didn't tell me until later that he had been executed. It was some trumped up charge of cowardice, on account of so many of the division falling in battle." Jack breathed out softly. He stood, starting forward. Robert waved him back. "Please don't." He rubbed a hand roughly over his eyes. "I don't deserve comfort for what I did to the finest, bravest man I ever met." "It wasn't your fault." Jack was appalled. "Of course it was. I instigated it, while he was reserved. I wanted him and damn the consequences." "Did you love him?" "Oh yes. Very much." "Did he know that?" "Yes." "Then don't blame yourself for taking happiness where you could get it and making someone else happy." Robert clenched his fists in his lap. He struggled valiantly not to cry. "When I found out, I wished myself 55

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dead instead of him. I knew God had done this to me as punishment." "No Robert, no," Jack said softly. He moved forward again, pulled Robert's head against his chest and held him there. Robert's body shook against his. He uttered not one sound.

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CHAPTER SIX Jack was anxious about Robert all week. He wanted to be back at the grand house, comforting him and easing his solitude. The things Robert had told him had not changed Jack's opinion of him. He was a good man, left in crisis by the war. Jack knew the line between paid companion and something else was blurring with every visit but he was powerless to stay away. Sayles picked him up that week as usual and Jack got a surprise when he went into the house. Clarke greeted him, took his coat and then told him, "The master is unwell today. However, he asked that you be conveyed to his room, if that's agreeable." Jack acquiesced and followed him up the stairs. He doubted Clarke was a fool, and was sure he knew the reason for Jack's visits, but he was nonetheless embarrassed to be conducted to Robert's bedroom. Clarke opened the door at the end of a vast corridor. "Mr Anderson, sir," he announced. "Thank you, Clarke. That will be all." Jack stepped inside and closed the door. A bedside lamp lit the scene. Robert lay beneath the covers of a fourposter bed in the huge, grandly decorated bedroom. Two broad, white shoulders indicated his torso was naked. He 57

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was pale and red-eyed. Jack hovered. "Are you all right?" "Yes. I should have cancelled our meeting. I'm sorry." "I don't mind if you don't." Robert smiled. He withdrew one arm and patted the bed. "Come sit by me." Jack did as he was bid. "What's wrong?" Robert shrugged. "I didn't feel much like getting up this morning. A lapse into self-pity, that's all." Jack stroked the back of his hand gently with his fingertips. "There's nothing wrong with that, Robert. You don't have to be brave all the time. What you told me last week… I still can't believe it. I still feel so… terribly distressed for you." Robert's hand curled around his. "What a kind heart you have, dear Jack." "May I climb into bed with you?" Robert smiled. "I hoped you might feel so inclined." Jack grinned. He undressed quickly, throwing his clothes over the back of a chair. Then he slid beneath the covers and against Robert's warm, naked body. He shuddered with excitement as soon as their skin touched. They kissed and for the first time, Jack allowed his hands to wander over Robert's body. 58

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He felt the way Robert shifted against him as his hands ran over his chest and shoulders and then down his back. Robert kissed him harder and Jack moved closer, tangling his legs with Robert's before he lifted his head breathlessly. "Can I kiss your body?" Robert looked unsure. He finally gave a small nod. He rolled onto his back and Jack lay over him. He started at Robert's throat, lingering, searching kisses, taking in every inch of skin. Robert's skin was so soft. He smelled so good. Jack moved down his chest. While he mouthed one nipple, he rubbed at the other with his fingertips. Robert caught his breath. His fingers twisted in Jack's hair. When Jack started to move down the centre of his torso, kissing all the way, Robert's chest started to heave with excitement. Jack kissed the narrow line of dark hair which led downwards while his fingers wandered to Robert's groin. "Don't." Robert gripped his hand. "Why not?" "Just don't." Jack slid back above the covers. "Listen to me. Did the doctors say it was definite? Your… damage?" Robert turned his head away, towards the closed curtains. "They said it was likely I would suffer." 59

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"So, have you…?" "No." "Have you tried?" "What do you mean?" "You know what I mean." Robert closed his eyes as though the subject was too painful to bear. "I haven't responded to my own hand, Jack, if that's what you mean." "Then let's see if you respond to mine." "No." "Please." Robert swiped his hand away viciously. "I'm not some miserable experiment to satisfy your over-inflated ego, Jack. I'm a man incapable, so don't humiliate me further." Jack stared at him a moment. "Go to hell," he said between his teeth and climbed swiftly from the bed. "Jack…" Robert tried to pull him back. "No. How dare you speak to me that way?" Jack pulled up his underwear and stepped into his pants, fastening them quickly. "Please, Jack, I didn't mean it." Jack turned to regard him. "You pay me to be your companion. I only wanted to give you pleasure and you accuse me of trying to humiliate you. Why?" 60

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Robert looked miserable. "I'm sorry. Forgive me." Jack heaved a sigh. He started to undress again. He slid back into bed and lay with his head on Robert's chest in silence. Robert didn't speak for the longest time. Finally he said, "No one has touched me since James. I feel like my desire was buried with him." "I understand," Jack replied softly. "But your body reacts when I touch you. I know I can give you pleasure, even if it might not lead to its natural conclusion." Robert kissed the top of his head. "Do what you will, Jack. I trust you." Jack followed the same path down Robert's body once more. He took his time, planting slow kisses, feeling Robert's reaction. He stroked his hands over Robert's muscular pectorals and his biceps. He kissed the flat abdomen. "What a wonderful body you have," he said, with his mouth against Robert's belly button. "Thank you." Jack kissed the crest of one sharp hipbone. He moved inside until he nuzzled the dark thatch of hair at Robert's groin and felt Robert tense. Softly, he stroked one inner thigh, the one Robert's cock rested against, not hard but a good size nonetheless. He pressed his lips to Robert's thigh, worked his 61

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way to the crease of his groin. Robert shifted; he put his hands down to part his own thighs. Jack lowered his mouth. He ran his tongue over Robert's scrotum and then sucked gently. Robert hissed in pleasure. His hand rested on the back of Jack's neck. "Do you feel that?" "Yes, it's good." Jack's fingertips danced over Robert's cock. He slowly ran his tongue over the head. "And that?" "Oh God, yes." Jack smiled to himself. He sucked and licked. His fingers caressed Robert's thighs and stroked the sensitive skin behind his balls. The muscles in Robert's abdomen rippled and jumped. He breathed heavily. "You can stop now Jack, you can see it's not working." Jack lifted his head. "But you like it?" "Yes I like it." "Then I'll carry on." Jack stayed beneath the covers, lavishing attention on Robert's body. "Why don't you turn over and let me lick you somewhere else?" Robert lifted the covers and looked at him. "Where?" "You'll see." 62

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Robert did as he was told, rolling over, lying face down. Jack pushed his thighs apart. He planted several kisses on Robert's pert buttocks before he spread them open and licked between them. Robert gasped. "You dirty boy." "Somehow I don't think you're going to stop me." "Correct, I'm not." Jack laughed. He dabbed his tongue delicately against Robert's tight little rosebud. "Oh my God." "Now I know what you like." "James was the only man who ever did this to me," Robert said between pants for breath. "When we were on leave in a French pension." Jack lifted his head. "Did he make you come this way?" "Yes." "As shall I." "Oh Jack, you can't." "Can't I?" He went back to his task with determination. Robert gasped and moaned, writhing beneath his fevered tongue. Jack felt beneath him, encountered nothing changed. There was no doubt Robert was aroused, but as he had already told Jack, nothing was going happen. 63

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However, Jack was sure one thing would work. He sucked on one finger and worked it into Robert's entrance. Robert tensed and groaned. "Relax." He found Robert's prostate easily enough. Robert cursed. "I never knew you knew such language, Robert." Jack smiled to himself. "And you a gentleman as well." "Shut up." Robert sounded like he said it between clenched teeth. He pushed his pelvis back against Jack's stroking finger. "Do you like it?" "Yes." "If I carry on this way, you'll come, regardless. You'll see." Robert whimpered in his pleasure. His fists grabbed at the bed sheets. "Please, Jack, please…" "All right." Jack sucked at his balls. He lightly licked around the area his finger was buried in. He didn't stop his slow stroking, leading Robert gradually into ecstasy. Robert's breathing became loud and raw. He thrashed on the sheets. "Jack… Jack." "Come on, Robert." He kissed Robert's buttocks. "Let it out." Robert cried out. His body contorted and bucked. 64

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His muscles pulsed around Jack's finger. "God… God…" Finally he lay motionless on the sheets. Jack slid up the bed. He lay with his chin on Robert's bare, clammy back. "I came," Robert mumbled. "I know you did." "But I didn't ejaculate." "Are you disappointed?" "No, because I got more than I ever thought I would again. Thank you, Jack." He turned his head, looking back over his shoulder. Jack smiled. He kissed Robert's temple before he lay down by his side. He glanced at his watch. The hour had already gone. "I'd like it if you stayed longer," Robert said. "If you haven't got another engagement." "I haven't." "That's good, because my friend Reggie has procured a little something for me. Something I thought you and I could play with." Robert shuffled over to the bedside drawer. He withdrew a long, slender object made of glass. Jack stared. His gentleman friends often introduced these items to the bedroom but he had never expected Robert to do so. "Why, Robert, I thought I was the dirty 65

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one." "No, I am too. Particularly when I need to find something to act as my substitute." Jack pressed his mouth to Robert's ear. "Do you mean to tell me you want to fuck me with that?" "Quite so, Jack, quite so." Robert lay on his back. "Come here." Jack straddled his hips eagerly, his cock throbbing with excitement. Robert reached for the bottle of oil from the bedside table and coated his fingers. Jack groaned as Robert's hand closed around him, smoothly stroking his erection, making it slick and slippery. "Does that feel nice?" "Yes." Robert's hand slid around his hip. He rubbed at Jack's entrance lightly. Jack shivered and shook with anticipation. Robert poured oil into the palm of his hand. He rolled the glass toy into it, coating it, sliding his hand up and down it slowly, mimicking masturbation as Jack watched, thrilled. He held it steady behind Jack. "Now Jack, lower yourself on to it." Jack did as he was told, the dildo sliding slickly into him all the way. He gasped, shuddering. "Mmm." Robert's fist rested against his buttocks. 66

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"Ride it now. Imagine it's me." Jack braced himself on Robert's chest and lifted his hips before impaling himself again. He moved with slow turns of his pelvis, working himself on the dildo, eyes closed, a hot flush rising over his cheeks as he felt Robert watching him. His pleasure was immense. He strained forward, panting in excitement as Robert's hand closed around his cock "That's good," Robert said. "I want to see you come, Jack." Jack leaned back. He rode the dildo while his imagination told him the hardness inside him was Robert. He thought he would explode with ecstasy. "Please, Robert, please…" he groaned. Robert pushed the dildo deeper. His hand worked Jack's cock swiftly. "Come for me, Jack." Jack cried out. He ground himself down as his muscles began to spasm. "Oh God, oh God…" He shook violently, spurting across Robert's stomach and chest. Robert laughed in delight as Jack fell onto him.

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CHAPTER SEVEN Jack awoke slowly, stretching luxuriously in the big bed. He blinked at Robert, who lay watching him with a slight smile on his handsome face. "What time is it?" "About seven." "Oh God. I'm sorry Robert, why didn't you wake me?" Robert shrugged. "You seemed tired. And I was in no rush to get rid of you." "You weren't?" Jack grinned, snuggling closer. "Not even after I nearly screamed the place down?" "Not even then." Robert rubbed his nose against Jack's. Jack trailed a hand down his back, pressing kisses against his neck. "So I'm guessing you don't have a job to go to, then?" "No, I was born with a silver spoon in my mouth. This house was my grandfather's." "Where are your parents?" "South Wales. We had a falling out. They disinherited me." Jack raised an eyebrow. "I can guess what about." "Correct. They found me in flagrante with a young 68

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man. Luckily, granddad had already left me the house and a private income." "But surely you must have seen them when you came back from France?" Robert looked away, gaze on the opposite wall. "No." "But they must have known about your injury?" "I'm sure they did. The local papers couldn't wait to announce the return of the crippled war hero." "And you didn't hear from them?" "No." "I'm sorry, Robert." "Why? I have no one to blame but myself. If I'd married the nice girl from the local village they wanted me to marry and kept my preferences to myself, maybe none of this would have happened." "Oh, Robert." Jack cupped the other man's face in his hands looking into his eyes. "Please stop thinking that your injury is some sort of punishment for the life you've led." Robert pulled away. "Are you staying to dinner, Jack? I'll ask Clarke to bring double." He reached over to the bell pull by his bed. "Are you listening to me?" Jack demanded. "Not really. I hope you don't mind eating up here." 69

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"Robert." Jack clasped his shoulder. A knock sounded on the door. He drew away in alarm. "Shit. Should I hide?" "Why?" Robert was unruffled. "He knows you're here. And believe me, Clarke knows all about my tastes. It was his son I was caught with by my parents." "Jesus." Jack dived below the covers as Robert called for Clarke to come in. "Good evening, sir." "Good evening, Clarke. I'd like dinner for two please." "Certainly, sir." Footsteps retreated and the door closed. Robert pulled the covers down off Jack's head. "What are you doing?" Jack's face was hot with embarrassment. "You enjoyed that, didn't you?" "What?" "Letting Clarke catch you. Do it a lot do you?" Robert's face darkened. "What do you mean? You think I have men like you frequently around to my house? In my bed?" "Don't you?" "Didn't I tell you when we first met that no one had touched me since the war?" 70

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"And before the war?" Robert's expression was stony. "Do you really think I needed to pay for it then?" His tone was like a slap to the face. Jack turned away. He sat up, swung his legs from the bed and located his underwear. Behind him Robert sighed. He put a hand on Jack's shoulder. "I've upset you. I'm sorry." Jack shook his head. "It's fine. I understand. But I must go." He pulled up his underwear and reached for his shirt. "I don't want you to go, Jack. Have some dinner with me." "No. Ask your driver to come around. I have an engagement this evening that I can't break." "I'll pay you whatever you want to stay." Jack turned around with fingers paused on the buttons of his shirt. "You think money is the solution to everything, don't you? That you can buy anything you want off me?" Robert looked petulant. "I've bought everything I want off you so far." Jack slapped him across the face. "Bastard." Robert was stunned. He held his cheek a moment. "Jack…" 71

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"No, Robert. No." Jack grabbed up the rest of his clothes off the chair. "Consider our agreement terminated. I don't need this." "Jack, please." Robert pushed the covers back. Laboriously he lifted his legs from the bed, reaching forward to drag his wheelchair closer. "Stay where you are." Jack stalked across the room, slamming the door behind him. Outside on the landing, he stood breathing heavily a moment before he quickly started to dress. He ran down the stairs, wrenched open the heavy oak door and set off down the drive into darkness. Wind tore at his clothes and heavy rain soaked him. He really hadn't thought this through. Was he going to walk back to London? He didn't care. His fury would keep him warm. Robert managed to get himself into his chair. Pushing himself across the room, he selected some clothes from the wardrobe, dressing as quickly as he could. His hands shook though, his fingers uncoordinated with anxiety and anger at himself, and his cheek flamed where Jack had hit him. What was the matter with him? Why had he said those things to a man he was coming to hold so dear? He pulled on his coat and wheeled back to the bed to grasp the bell pull. He waited, pushing his fingers 72

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through his dishevelled hair before jamming a hat on. "Clarke," he said when his butler arrived. "Ask Sayles to bring the car around immediately." Clarke

glanced

towards

the

bed,

appearing

confused. "Yes, sir." He retreated. Robert sat hunched in the back of the car shivering as the car rolled slowly down the drive. What was he doing chasing Jack anyway? Hadn't he decided over the last two weeks to curtail their activities? And failed miserably. Even determining to enjoy only a physical relationship with Jack hadn't worked, when Jack had patiently dragged details of France and James from him. Robert's attachment was so wrong. He was paying Jack to be whatever he wanted and Jack played every part admirably. But Jack could walk away whenever he wanted —and had—and leave Robert stewing in his own misery once more. This idea had been doomed from the start. The car's lights lit up the lonely road in front of them and the slight figure trudging with head down and hands in pockets. Robert directed Sayles to pull alongside. He wound his window down, shouting above the wind and the rain. "Get in the car, Jack." "Go to hell," Jack threw over his shoulder. He 73

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increased his pace, his hair and clothes sodden. "You're not walking home to London. Get in, before you catch your death." Jack stopped. "You'll take me home?" A flash of lightning lit up his attractive face, those pale blue eyes Robert was so enamoured with. "Yes. Come on." Jack walked around the other side of the car. He opened the door and stamped his feet pointlessly as though to shake some of the water from him before he got in. The car set off again. Robert looked at him, but Jack kept his face firmly turned away. Robert sighed and turned his gaze to the window. How he hated the rain. It reminded him of France, the endless rain turning the battlefield to a quagmire in which horses and men were lost, sucked down into the mud, never seen again. He flinched at a clap of thunder. Ah yes, loud noises, too. Cars backfiring in the street turned him to jelly. What else? Now he was obsessively clean. After the lice crawling between the seams of his rough uniform, he took one, sometimes two baths per day. The lightning lit up the trees by the side of the road and for a moment, Robert was back on the Somme, trying to drag James's dead weight to safety while bullets and mortar shells churned up the earth 74

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around him. There'd been no rain that day. The earth was baked summer-hard, the heat stifling with the pack on his back and rifle on his shoulder, his helmet jammed low. Robert shut his eyes but the images only became clearer. He whimpered as the bullet slammed into his back and the weightlessness caused him to plunge forward. Nose to nose with James, he looked into his commanding officer's hazel eyes and saw his own love reflected back. "It's all right," James said. "It's not your time." Robert's eyes jerked open. Jack slid quickly across the seat and took him in his arms. Robert wept uncontrollably.

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CHAPTER EIGHT Jack didn't consider it his best move to ask Robert to stay but he was too tender-hearted to send the man home after his breakdown in the car. Robert was silent, clearly ashamed. He wheeled his chair into the lift, they ascended to the second floor and he followed Jack silently into his flat. It was nothing special, just one room incorporating kitchen, living room and bedroom with a bathroom by the front door. He was embarrassed to bring Robert here but let the rich man take Jack as he found him. He hung his coat up to dry and took Robert's. Then he lit the fire and bade Robert sit by it before he set about making some tea. The Englishman's answer to all known problems. It wouldn't mend Robert's broken spirit any time soon. He put the teapot and cups on a tray with a jug of milk and a plate of biscuits and brought it over to the living room. He placed it on the coffee table and then he pulled the armchair closer to the fire. "Please know how deeply sorry I am for the way I spoke to you," Robert said quietly. "And how much I respect you and appreciate everything you do for me." Jack sighed. He glanced at the clock on the wall. His engagement with a rich man at his private club in the 76

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West End was long gone. "I don't think we can continue, do you?" Robert looked at him with lines of deep sorrow etched around his mouth. "No." A little something tugged at Jack's heart. He hadn't expected Robert to give in quite so easily. "So, stay here and then in the morning… we'll call it quits." He focused on pouring the tea but, to his chagrin, his hand shook.. "Jack." Robert reached out, touching his wrist. Jack put the pot down. He rose from his chair, paced the room a moment before he came back and threw himself into Robert's arms. Robert gathered him onto his lap, holding him tight, lips pressing to his hair as he cradled Jack's head. "It's all right," he said. Jack and Robert lay pressed close together in Jack's small bed. With limbs entwined, they kissed slowly, languidly, letting the heat build between them. Jack didn't know what he was going to do. He only knew he was unwilling to let Robert go just yet. "Do you have anybody, Jack?" Robert whispered through the darkness as his hand encircled Jack's cock, stroking slowly. "Is there anyone… outside of your work?" "No," Jack said. He put his hand on Robert's thigh, 77

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smoothing fingertips over the soft inner surface. Robert said nothing else. He brought Jack steadily to a gasping climax and Jack drifted away in his arms. The next morning was awkward. Robert awoke to find Jack up and dressed and bustling around the kitchen. "Eggs all right?" he asked when he noticed Robert was awake. "Yes, thank you. But why don't you come back to bed?" Robert felt tender and soft that morning as he remembered Jack in his arms the night before. He longed to show Jack again just why their engagement should continue. "I can't, I'm due at the book shop at ten." Disappointed, Robert sat up and reached for his shirt, which was draped over the arm of his wheelchair by the bed. Jack turned firmly away when he noticed him dressing. Robert sighed and flung back the covers. Why was Jack being so bashful now after all they had done with each other? He got himself into the chair once he had done up his shoelaces and pushed himself over to the table where Jack was laying out breakfast. He poured them both some tea and waited for Jack to sit down before he helped himself to toast. "This is very 78

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nice, Jack. I didn't imagine you were so domestic." "We can't all afford a butler and a cook," Jack said with his mouth full. It was a snipe but Robert rose above it. "Or a housekeeper," he shot back, looking around with pretend disdain. It was a gamble that Jack would know by now he was joking and Robert held his breath in the ensuing silence. Jack glared at him. Robert smiled. Jack stuck his tongue out childishly. "Jack Anderson, I've a good mind to put you over my knee and spank you soundly, except I've a feeling you might enjoy it too much." A fiery glow enveloped Jack's face. "Wanker." "What did you call me?" "I called you a wanker." "Right, that's it." Robert put his toast down and licked his fingers. He pushed his chair away from the table. "What are you doing?" Jack asked, looking wary. "Spanking you." "Come on…" "You've asked for it time and time again." "I haven't. Stop, this isn't funny…" Jack half rose, Robert grabbed his wrist, pulled him face down over his lap 79

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and yanked his pants and underwear down. "Stop!" "Not yet." Robert smacked one deliciously pert cheek. Jack yelled, squirming. "And this one." Robert added a pink handprint to the other cheek. "Shit, that hurts, please Robert." "Are you sorry?" "Yes! Let me up!" "Hmm. Just a couple more to be sure." Robert slapped him again smartly. Jack's plump little buttock glowed. Jack howled, but his attempts to release himself were ineffectual. Robert slid a hand under him, pulled his cock back between his legs so he could stroke it. "You're very hard considering you don't want me to do this." "Bastard." "We established that last night. Does me being a bastard turn you on?" "I hate you." Jack panted for breath, hands clinging to the wheel of Robert's chair. "Of course you do." Robert spread the pink cheeks open and bent his head. "Oh, my God." 80

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"Do you like that?" "Yes." "I'm glad. When you finish, will you try not to get any on my trousers?" "Impossible. I'm going to come all over you." "That's a lovely image." Jack made some fresh tea and they sat eating the cold breakfast. Robert had a silly smile on his face, that smile of satisfaction he always got when he knew he had pleased Jack greatly. Jack was satisfied in the extreme, that wasn't in question. What he wasn't so satisfied about was how he and Robert had remained in this business relationship despite them both agreeing to call it off. But Jack had felt deep sorrow at the prospect of never seeing Robert again. At the same time, he had yet to become quite as deeply embroiled in the life of one of his business arrangements as he had with Robert. What was he going to do? Robert reached over and touched his wrist. "You're sad." Jack shook his head. "Sayles is coming for me at nine-thirty; I should go and wait outside. Let me give you something." Robert reached into his inside pocket. "I didn't bring my wallet but 81

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I can write you a cheque for yesterday." "Please, there's no need." "Jack, you stayed all evening with me and I stayed here all night. That's considerably more than our usual hour. Don't think I'm not going to pay you for it." Jack didn't argue further. He stood and carried some dishes to the sink then he looked over Robert's shoulder, watching him write out a large sum. It was too much, of course it was, but Jack didn't have the strength to argue. He put his arms around Robert's neck, leaning down to kiss him on the cheek. Robert turned his head. Their lips met softly. "Jack," Robert said. He put a hand up to touch Jack's hair. "My friends Reggie and Edward are coming to dinner on Friday. I understand they are bringing their… companions. I wondered if you would like to come as my guest." Jack was taken aback. Were the guests of Robert's friends paid companions or would he be the only one? Would the other guests know that Robert had paid Jack to be at the dinner? He should say no. The very idea was fraught with anxiety and trouble. But it would hardly be the first time he had been in such a situation. His rich men took him out to dinner all the time and he usually gloried in the attention of the other 82

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guests. "Very well," he said, against his better judgement. Robert's face lit up in a delighted smile. He kissed Jack again. "Wonderful. I'll send Sayles for you at six thirty. Will you stay over?" Jack hesitated. "Probably." "Very good." Robert wheeled towards the door and pulled his coat down from its perch. "Goodbye Jack. Thank you for letting me stay." "I'll see you on Friday." Jack opened the door for him. "Do you need help with the lift?" "No thank you, I can manage." "All right then, bye." Jack bent down. Robert turned his face into the offered kiss. For a moment their lips clung together. Jack felt it then, just as he always did when Robert kissed or touched him. He pulled back, unsettled, and retreated into his flat with a last backward glance.

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CHAPTER NINE The trees hung low with water as the car swept up the drive. Just what was Jack doing here? Madness, pretending to be something he wasn't, hobnobbing with high society and getting paid for it. Clarke showed him into a house noticeably noisier than usual. Robert's house had the atmosphere of a mausoleum most of the time. He was shown to the library, a room he had yet to visit. "Mr Anderson, sir," Clarke announced loudly over the chatter within. Jack walked in, glancing around nervously. He noticed the books first, lining three walls, row after row of immaculately bound spines that he itched to get his hands on. The five men in the room were seated around a coffee table set with canapés and champagne and all glanced his way. Robert wheeled over to him. "Welcome Jack, your trip was good?" "Yes, thanks." Jack took his offered hand, noticed it was as damp as his own. That was interesting. What did Robert have to be nervous about amongst his own friends? He followed Robert across to the chairs. Two of the four men stood up, the other two younger men remained 84

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seated, regarding Jack with disinterest. "This is Edward." Robert indicated a red-haired man, tall, thin and freckled and—Jack tried to pretend he hadn't noticed—missing one arm. Edward held out his left—and only—hand and Jack took it with his own left. "Nice to meet you Jack. Rob says you're a Queen Mary graduate." Jack smiled shyly. "Yes, I am." "Wonderful, we must have a chat about our favourite books later." Jack felt immediately more at ease. That was until he turned to Robert's other friend, a tall blond in his thirties and noticed the predatory way he stared. "And this is Reggie." Reggie squeezed Jack's hand hard, held it for a moment until Jack attempted to pull it back. "Hello Jack, it's nice to meet you." "Hello Reggie." Robert coughed. Reggie resumed his seat with a smirk curling around his thin lips. He put his arm around one of the young men on the couch, dark-haired and wearing a garish hounds-tooth suit and pink shirt. "This is David." David sniffed, leaned closer to the fourth man, a blond in a hideous green suit and turquoise shirt and 85

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whispered something in his ear. Both men laughed, tried to pretend they weren't sniggering at Jack and smiled slyly at him. Jack sat down next to Robert in dismay. He'd been right about the companions of his friends being paid. David and his little friend were surely younger than Jack, little more than boys, and carried their profession on their sleeves like an advertisement. What they found funny about Jack he couldn't say, but he was damned sure he had far more class than they could ever dream of. He accepted a glass of champagne from Robert and glared at them, quietly seething. He had bought a new suit with some of the money from the cheque. A sober black affair, he perhaps looked like he was going to a funeral but rather that than an explosion in a paint factory. Robert squeezed his knee. He leaned close and whispered in Jack's ear. "You look very handsome tonight." Jack smiled, wishing they were alone. Clarke showed them into the dining room. They were seated at a vast, lavishly set table, Robert at the head, with Edward to his left and Jack to his right. On Jack's right was Reggie with the detestable David at the end and his little friend whose name Jack still didn't know next to 86

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Edward. Soup was served. Jack glanced at Robert to make sure he used the correct knife with his bread roll. He'd barely taken a mouthful before Reggie leaned towards him, warm breath caressing his ear. "You're a lovely little thing. Where did he find you then?" Jack stiffened. He glanced from the corner of his eye. "Where does anyone find men like me?" "Not in the clubs I go to, that's for sure. I would remember you." "I'm select." "Clearly. Just the sort of boy I like to get my hands on." "I'm not a boy, I'm twenty-three. If you like boys, stick to David." Reggie laughed. "Robert said you were feisty. You and I could have a lot of fun together." "I don't think so." "I pay very well." "I'm hardly on the breadline." Reggie huffed. "Little tease," he hissed. "We'll see." Unsettled, Jack glanced at Robert but their host was deep in conversation with Edward. The main course was salmon in hollandaise sauce 87

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with asparagus, new potatoes and carrots. Reggie's foot touched Jack's under the table. His hand caressed his knee and Jack pushed it away. He couldn't eat. He was consumed with anxiety over Robert's motives for inviting him here, convinced Robert had organised a partnerswapping party. Would Robert really do that to him? Jack was only a paid companion after all, so why shouldn't he? Perhaps he didn't know Robert as well as he thought he did. Robert was occupied with Edward until dessert, while the two paid companions giggled annoyingly throughout and even went as far as to kiss each other blatantly over the table. Jack stared. "Bravo," called Reggie, lifting his wine glass. "More." With a coy swing of his hips, David drew himself out of his chair and onto his friend's lap, kissing him full on the mouth. Jack glanced at Robert. Robert watched the two young men a moment, then looked at his friend. "Reggie." It was one word, said in a tone of warning. Reggie looked displeased. "All right boys, not at the table. Save it for later." David pouted prettily and went back to his seat. He winked at Jack and ran a tongue over his lips. Jack looked 88

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at Robert again. He began to be afraid. Coffee was served in the library after dessert with liqueurs and port. Edward and Reggie smoked cigars, the noxious fumes making Jack cough. After some increasingly drunken conversation, Edward whispered in Robert's ear. A moment later, he took his companion by the hand and led him from the room. Jack sat nervously beside Robert. Reggie and David whispered to each other, occasionally touching and kissing. "May I look at your books?" Jack asked quickly, by way of escape. "Of course," Robert assented and Jack hurried to start at the furthest book case in the room. He perused titles without seeing their names, his palms damp, his heart beating hard. He was sure that soon he would have to make his excuses to leave. After a few minutes though, Reggie joined him. "Anything good?" Jack nodded tightly. "I'm not much of a reader myself. I did read a nice little thing once called Sins of the Cities of the Plain, though." Reggie smiled slyly. "Have you read that?" Jack blushed because of course he had. The very erotic memoirs of a London 'Mary- Ann' who seemed to enjoy his job way more than Jack ever had. He nodded. 89

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"Wonderful. And do you have as much fun as your namesake did?" "Hardly." "Oh I don't believe that. Robert must surely show you a good time." Reggie put his hand over his mouth. "Ah, perhaps not." Jack glared at him. The deliberate slip was not even mildly amusing. Reggie moved closer. He pressed against Jack's body. A hand rested on the small of his back and then slid down to brush against his buttocks. "I dare say you long for a real man; a man capable of performing in the bedroom." Jack pulled away. He glanced across at Robert. David sat on his lap whispering in his ear. "Your conduct is disrespectful, sir." "Is it really? Don't you think he knows what I'm up to?" Jack was startled. "What?" "He recommended you. I recommended David. A good time shall be had by all." Jack shook his head. "I don't think…" "I do." Reggie reached his wallet from his inside pocket and withdrew some notes, the largest amount of money Jack had ever been offered in his life. "This is yours if you accompany me upstairs for a short while." 90

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Jack looked again at Robert. His chair was turned away but his elbow moved in a suggestive way and his partner wasn't particularly quiet. A strange jealousy burned inside Jack. Robert was drunk, he had been drunk since the beginning of the meal but still… had he really offered Jack to Reggie? Misery consumed him. "He… wanted you to do this?" he asked hesitantly, just to make sure. "Of course," Reggie said. "Why do you think he asked me here? He wanted me to give you what he couldn't." Jack felt sick. He looked at the money again. If he took it, he need not work for the foreseeable future. For sure he need never come back here. Nor could he, after this. He took the notes and folded them into his jacket pocket. Reggie grinned. He took Jack's hand and led him out of the room. Jack didn't look back. "Mmm, you adorable little thing." Reggie pushed him into the bedroom and attacked Jack's neck with his lips and teeth, fumbling his jacket off. Jack let himself be undressed. He wasn't aroused. Reggie shoved him face first onto the bed, wrenched his pants and underwear down. Jack, shocked at how fast this was progressing, braced himself on his arms, looking over 91

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his shoulder at Reggie as he unfastened his pants. "Look I don't…" he tried to say. "Hush my boy, you're here now. Just wait till I'm inside you. You'll be begging for more." "I don't want to." Jack tried to crawl away. Reggie grabbed him by the neck, forced his face into the pillow. Hardness pressed against him. "You have the money, boy, you're going to take it." Jack cried out. He fought furiously but Reggie was a man possessed, his strength astonishing. He held Jack down and thrust into him, smothering Jack's screams. The assault seemed to go on and on until Jack's body became numb and his vision, with face buried deep into the pillow, became dark. He passed out. Jack woke up slowly to darkness. He climbed off the bed gingerly and dressed. Then he sat for a while, arms around himself, wondering what to do. He descended the stairs cautiously on tiptoes. Pausing at the bottom, he listened to the laughter coming from the library. He couldn't go to Robert. Robert was the one who had brought him here for Reggie's attention. And the fact that Reggie had come back alone and Robert hadn't wondered where Jack was, spoke volumes. He sank onto the last step shivering. 92

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"Is everything all right, sir?" Clarke had advanced noiselessly down the hall. "Yes, thank you. Please can you ask Mr Sayles to drive me home?" Jack's voice was a timid whisper. His eyes burned with tears. Clarke's

usually

frozen

countenance

looked

concerned. "Right away, sir." He walked away. Jack sat anxiously for another few moments until he heard a car engine outside. He got up quickly, wincing in pain as he did and opened the front door. "Jack, what are you doing?" Jack froze, half out of the door as Robert wheeled himself down the hall. "I'm sorry, I have to go." "What's the matter?" Robert caught his arm firmly. Jack kept his face turned away. "Don't. I have to go." He pulled free and ran down the steps to the car. Robert followed, wheeling down the neighbouring ramp. "Jack, please," he called. Jack jumped into the car. He told Sayles to take him home and the chauffeur set off. Jack looked back once, seeing the consternation on Robert's face as they drove away.

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CHAPTER TEN Jack spent a miserable, sleepless night, shivering in his bed. It was barely light when the knock came at the door. Jack lay there a moment, determined to ignore it, but the knock was repeated several times until finally he dragged himself from bed, put on a robe and went to the door. Robert's anxious face greeted him. "Jack, what's going on?" "Please go away. I don't want to talk to you." Robert put a hand on the door as Jack tried to close it. "Don't do this to me. Tell me what's wrong." Jack regarded him, with the feelings of betrayal and distaste he now felt for Robert overriding those finer ones he had once felt. "As if you don't know." Robert shook his head. "I don't. Tell me." Jack stepped back. He waited for Robert to follow him into the flat. How he could plead ignorance, Jack didn't know. He slumped onto the couch and sat glaring at Robert as he wheeled his chair in front of him. "Well? Stop looking at me like I'm the devil himself." "Aren't you? You set me up last night. You asked me to the party so you could give me to your friend." 94

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Robert looked astonished. "What?" "He told me that." Robert shook his head. "No, Jack. I swear to you." "I don't believe you." "It's true. I saw him give you money. I thought that's why you went with him, not because you thought I wanted you to." Jack turned his face away. His lips quivered. "Well, that's why." Robert pushed his chair closer. He reached for Jack's hand. "Please forgive me. I would never… it was a wine-soaked night. Things got out of hand…" He trailed off, his head bowed, a flush staining his cheeks. "Yes, I know they did," Jack said bitterly. "I know all about that." Robert's head jerked up. He searched Jack's eyes. "What do you mean?" "Upstairs, your friend…" Robert's mouth opened soundlessly. He stared. "What did he do to you?" Jack was too ashamed to put it into words. "I said no," he muttered. "I didn't want him to." Robert gave a soft gasp. "Oh Jack, no, no, please…" He shook his head back and forward with a hand over his mouth. 95

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Jack didn't say anything else. He climbed from the couch and onto Robert's lap where Robert held him hard. Jack got up eventually to make tea. Still, both his body and mind felt numb. He clattered the cups while Robert watched him in silence and then the two of them sat there drinking like two civilised men with this awful crime between them. "Jack," Robert said at length. "Please tell me you don't think I knowingly allowed that thing to happen to you." Jack looked into his cup. "He came back alone and yet you didn't come to find me." "He said you were sleeping. He had a gleam in his eye like a man well satisfied and I…" Robert stumbled over his words. "I was jealous. Drunk and jealous. I thought, to hell with him." He rubbed a hand over his face. "I'm so ashamed." Jack's hard heart softened somewhat. He believed Robert. "Why were you jealous? You were busy yourself after all when I left." Robert reddened. "David? I was drunk enough to go for anyone. He was a substitute for you, that's all." Jack digested this in silence. Robert put his cup down. He straightened up in his 96

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chair. "I must speak with Reggie." He turned his chair about but Jack caught it by the handles, stopping him. "Don't." Robert looked over his shoulder. "Why the hell not? Do you think I'm going to let the bastard get away with it?" "He'll deny it. He'll say he paid me for it." "He can pay you all he wants, that doesn't entitle him to take you by force Jack, not at all." Jack sat back down, biting his lip. "Don't go just yet," he murmured. Robert turned his chair back around. "Come here." He pulled Jack close. Jack stayed away from his rich men that week. He worked at the bookshop like a man with an honest trade and came home to empty silence. What he craved was Robert, despite everything. A telegram arrived asking Jack to keep their usual appointment that week and Jack attended, as he'd always known he would. Clarke showed him into the living room. The day was chilly and the fire gave out welcoming warmth. Robert sat waiting with tea and cakes laid out and Jack's heart gave a pang for this comforting familiarity. "Hello Jack, how are you?" Robert held his hand 97

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out. Jack shook it. "Fine, thank you." "Good." Robert poured the tea, handed Jack a cup. Jack took it along with a bun and sat opposite. "Filthy weather." "Yes, indeed." Robert sighed. "I saw Reggie." Jack waited with stomach clenched. "I told him he was no longer a friend of mine. It was ugly. I felt… useless because I couldn't fight him the way I wanted to." Jack shook his head. "I didn't want you to do that." Robert shrugged. "It's done now. He tried to defend himself. Said you wanted it and some such things." Jack sipped his tea and said nothing. "I wish we could go to the police," Robert said. "Only, you know it's unlikely they would be sympathetic." Jack shook his head. "It is a hazard of my occupation." "You're too brave." Robert's grey-green eyes were layered with sadness. "You have the right to say no Jack, no matter what." Jack took a bite of his bun. Robert cleared his throat. "So I think now because of what happened, our… arrangement should remain… 98

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platonic." Jack looked up. "What?" "Non-physical." "I know what platonic means. Why?" Robert frowned as though Jack were stupid. "You've been hurt. Violated. Do you think I want to add to that?" Jack was torn. He felt miserable at the thought of never touching Robert again. "Is this because he's had me? Made me dirty?" "No Jack!" Robert looked horrified at the accusation. "Then let's not do this. You're the only man I want to come back to." Robert's gaze didn't waver from his. He shook his head. "Oh Jack." "Please." "How can I refuse you anything? But I wish I understood why you would allow me to continue." Jack drank some more tea. His cup trembled in his hands before he put it down. He got to his feet and stood in front of Robert. "I want to touch and lick and suck you like I did that day in your bed. I want to make you come and watch your glorious face while you do." Robert flushed. "I would rather I was the one doing 99

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that," he mumbled. "Why?" "You know why. I hate for you to see me unaroused at your ministrations. Less than a man." "And you know I don't care." "Well I do. I much prefer to touch you. To hold your beautiful body close." He reached out, pulled Jack closer by his hand. "If you still want me to." "I do," Jack said with longing. No matter the memories of this house, his desire for Robert remained the same. "Take your clothes off." Jack performed a hasty striptease while Robert watched. He climbed onto Robert's lap, naked and erect. Robert kissed him. His hands smoothed down Jack's back, lighting a trail of fire. Jack clung eagerly to him, pressing his body to Robert's. Robert's hand found his cock. He stroked slowly, firmly. Jack groaned, his head back. Robert covered his neck in kisses. "I adore you," he whispered. "My Jack." Jack shuddered. He thrust his hand inside Robert's jacket, pulled his shirt tails free and slid greedy fingers up Robert's torso. Robert shivered and undulated under Jack's touch. Jack pushed his shirt up. He bent his head, taking one 100

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nipple in his mouth, giving it a soft bite. Robert groaned and clutched Jack's hair. Jack flicked his tongue over it, leaving the rosy peak stiff and wet. The pads of Robert's fingers pressed into Jack's back. He arched, his hand moving faster on Jack's cock. Jack slid abruptly off his lap onto his knees. He fumbled Robert's belt open and the buttons on his pants. "Don't." Robert tried to stop him but Jack paid no mind. He pulled Robert's trousers apart and his underwear down as best he could to release him. Jack buried his face in Robert's groin, lips and tongue working eagerly over cock and balls, sucking, kissing, his hand fondling. Robert shifted in the chair, breathing heavily, fingers gripping Jack's hair. "Please, stop…" he said half heartedly. "I don't want to stop," Jack said, without lifting his head. "I want to kiss you and lick you." He stroked the sensitive skin behind Robert's balls. Robert trembled. Both hands held Jack's head. "Oh, you make me feel so good, Jack." Jack touched himself as he lavished attention on Robert. He felt close to coming, carried away on the excitement of being between his legs this way. He kissed Robert's inner thighs and the thatch of 101

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dark hair. He travelled up Robert's abdomen, leaving kisses until he reached his nipples again. Robert pulled him forcefully back onto his lap. His hand found Jack, worked quickly as their mouths collided hungrily. Jack panted and gasped. Only Robert's strong hand on his back prevented him from falling as he came, head hanging back, shaking all over with bliss. He collapsed against Robert and Robert held him close, lips against his neck. Jack climbed slowly off Robert and dressed himself. Robert wiped his hand on a serviette from the tea tray and fastened his trousers. Jack glanced at the clock. The hour had almost ticked away. Robert saw him looking. He cleared his throat. "Jack…" he hesitated and Jack sat down and waited patiently in the silence. "I would pay you appropriately if you would… on the days you visit… consent to stay the night with me." "Very well." Jack didn't think twice. Robert smiled shyly. "Thank you."

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CHAPTER ELEVEN It was early morning, still dark outside. Robert watched Jack sleep. He looked delicate and vulnerable, his blond hair falling over his pale face, his thick, fair lashes trembling, his eyes moving rapidly beneath them. He dreamed. Robert stared and hoped Jack's dreams didn't consist of Reggie holding him down and taking what he wanted. Those things Reggie had said when Robert confronted him. How Jack was a dirty little whore just like the rest of them and how he'd bent over and begged Reggie to do him the way Robert couldn't. He hadn't mentioned the undignified ruckus which followed to Jack. How he'd driven his chair at Reggie's legs and flailed at him with his fists. How he'd ended up tipped over and lying gasping on the ground, where Reggie left him, to be picked up by Sayles. The shame. That bullet in his back had taken away almost everything that he was and left a shell in its wake. He stretched, pressing closer to Jack. After dinner downstairs, they had come up to bed and Jack had fallen asleep after little more than kissing and cuddling. Robert didn't mind. It was still true that Jack's pleasure was his pleasure. He liked nothing more than having Jack sit on his lap and watching him shake and tremble with orgasm. 103

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He wished he and Jack would last forever. But how could he ever hope for that to happen? Without Jack, his life stretched miserably into an uncertain future. Without him, Robert had no reason to carry on. Jack stirred beside him. Robert kissed his temple. Jack blinked up at him and smiled. "What time is it?" "Six." Jack groaned. "I'm sorry." "What for?" "For sleeping all night. When I got you up here, I intended to please you." "Hush," Robert stroked his head. "I don't care about that. I just enjoyed having you beside me." Jack didn't say anything further. He lay watching Robert, one hand smoothing over his shoulder gently. "Jack, would you… come away with me?" Robert had been thinking about this constantly since he had first met Jack and had never had the courage to voice his wish aloud. Jack frowned. "Where to?" "I have a weekend house in Whitby, on the North East coast." "Where Count Dracula's ship ran aground," Jack said with a smile. "Quite so. It's very picturesque and quaint. Just the 104

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sort of thing to help you recover." Jack bit his lip, looking unsure. "How long for?" "Perhaps a week?" "I'd have to ask for time off from the bookshop." "I'd pay you whatever money you'd lose that week, of course," Robert said quickly. He meant money Jack would have earned by selling his body as well as books, but he was sure Jack understood that. "I'll see. I'll have to let you know. When were you thinking of going?" "Next week I should say." "All right then. I'll let you know at the weekend." "Very well." Robert stroked Jack's dishevelled hair, letting the golden strands fall between his fingers. His feelings overwhelmed and frightened him. This wasn't supposed to happen. Not with a man in Jack's occupation. But Robert couldn't help the needs of his heart or his body. He only longed to be close to Jack for as long as Jack would allow him. Jack studied him with large, pale blue eyes. "What are you thinking?" Robert asked in a whisper. Jack hesitated, as though concocting an answer. "You said you'd never be able to take me away. What changed your mind?" 105

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Robert shrugged. "I don't rightly care anymore. Who's going to know that we're more than two chums on holiday?" Jack nodded. "But I'll have to ask my nurse to come along. And Sayles, of course. I'll need help." "I can push your chair," Jack said. "It's not just that. Whitby is a hilly place; there are a hundred and ninety-nine steps alone up to the ruined Abbey. Also my nurse massages my legs once a week to stop the muscles seizing up." "I can do that." Jack's hand slid down his back in an overt caress, sliding over Robert's buttocks. "I can massage you anywhere you choose." His gaze held Robert's, his meaning clear. Arousal thrummed abruptly in Robert's veins. Yet again he cursed the helplessness of his body. He wanted nothing more than to throw Jack down and plunder him insensible. Jack leaned over to the bedside table. He withdrew the glass dildo from the drawer and coated it with oil. "Turn over." Robert stared at him a moment before he acquiesced, rolling onto his face. He felt warm, soft skin slide against his as Jack straddled his body, kissing him 106

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between the shoulder blades. He worked his way down Robert's spine, kissing tenderly, hands smoothing over aching flesh. Hardness rested against his buttocks. Robert groaned, spread his legs apart a little with his hands, and was rewarded by Jack's cock pressing down on his most intimate area. The feeling was delicious. It made him ache for it. He remembered James again, the first time his commanding officer had laid Robert down beneath him and penetrated him. It was the only time they had done it that way. Robert had been afraid of what he saw as relinquishing control. He needn't have been. James was careful and considerate. He was a man of passion and life. When Robert lay beneath him, he had felt the fleeting hope flash through his mind that he and James would continue, after the war. Foolish. Impossible. Jack touched him there with a greased finger, stroking lightly, opening him up. Robert buried his face in the pillow, breathing heavily. When the glass dildo entered him, he shamefully imagined it was James, that time in the trench, in James's poky quarters, with his commanding officer's hand over his mouth. Its ridged surface sent tremors through his body. Robert squirmed, rocking against it, gasping as it touched that place Jack had found that first time in his bed. 107

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Jack dropped light kisses over his buttocks. His tongue traced his scrotum while his other hand felt under Robert, caressing his cock. Robert felt it at the same time Jack did. A dribble from his flaccid penis, running down to wet the sheets. Robert groaned; Jack caught his breath. He increased the movement of the hand holding the dildo, finding Robert's depths, making sure that place was stimulated over and over again. Robert tried to stifle the sounds of his ecstasy, ashamed of repeating that noise he had made that first time but he was helpless to stop himself moving against the dildo, writhing on the sheets. "Robert." Jack's cock pressed against his backside again. Jack rubbed himself there with increasing speed. "I could… if you wanted me to." Robert held his breath a moment. Was it disrespectful to James's memory to allow it? Robert felt Jack's rigid tool touching his entrance, side by side with the dildo as though Jack longed to take Robert with both. The feel of it made him tremble. It was too much. He couldn't refuse. Anything Jack wanted, Robert would give it to him. "Yes. Please Jack." Jack eased the dildo free. He reached for the oil and poured some on his hand and Robert lay waiting, listening to the sound of wetness slicking up hard flesh. 108

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Jack laid full length on him, pushing Robert's legs wider apart, resting his cock between his cheeks. Robert felt the pushing, felt himself open with surprising ease and a shocking feeling of fullness as Jack impaled him. Jack lay still as Robert gasped and grabbed at the pillow. "Is it all right?" His mouth planted tender kisses on Robert's shoulders. "Yes. Oh God, yes Jack." The act of being stretched open had almost made him come when he lay beneath James, the orgasm building within moments, until James had reached for him, stroked him and Robert had exploded. In the afterglow, he had listened to the rain pounding their underground hideout, the snores of men coming though the wall. Jack withdrew and pushed back in steadily, taking his time. The pleasure danced in Robert's blood, the pain and discomfort making it double-edged, only perversely adding to his arousal. He put a hand beneath himself, almost expecting to feel an erection, so worked up was he. No such luck, but his cock was wet with semen and it dripped again as Jack nudged his prostate. "God in heaven!" "Oh Robert, you feel so good." Jack pressed down 109

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harder on him, fully sheathed. His hands groped for Robert's, their fingers entwining. Robert turned his head and Jack's lips collided clumsily with his own, kissing desperately. Robert was sure he didn't imagine the passion behind it. That Jack felt as much for him as Robert did for Jack. He clung to Jack's hands, bucking as the orgasm soared over him, melting his body into liquid, taking him far away from the broken man on the bed. Jack had slid from the bed and gone to use the bathroom. Robert eased himself with difficulty onto his back and lay there looking at the ceiling, the sheets damp beneath him. Footsteps entered the room and a moment later Jack jumped back into bed, pressing a kiss to Robert's mouth. Robert put an arm around him, looking up, nearly startled at the grin on Jack's face, the naked pleasure and adoration. Robert smiled. "I take it you liked that, Jack?" "Oh God." Jack buried his face against Robert's chest, planting kisses, licking wetly at one nipple. "You're wonderful Robert." Robert held him close, breathing in the scent of his hair. "No, that's you. You've brought me back from the dead." 110

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CHAPTER TWELVE Spring arrived early in Whitby that first day. Jack hadn't taken a holiday in years and was beyond excited. Robert's holiday home stood on the steep West Cliff, overlooking the sea. Jack took it upon himself to push Robert's chair down the slope to the seafront. They looked across the harbour at the colourful boats, up to the brooding ruin of the Abbey on the opposite hill. "Wonderful," Jack sighed. "Just wonderful." The sun was warm on his back. Seagulls called brashly and the scent of the ocean washed over him. He put his hand on Robert's shoulder. Robert didn't touch him in return. "I often wish I lived here permanently. If I was able-bodied, no doubt I would." Jack didn't speak. He longed to rush across the river which separated the two halves of the town and up those legendary one hundred and ninety-nine steps to the Abbey, drinking in its history, exploring amongst its walls and letting its gothic arches overwhelm him. But it wasn't so easy with a disabled man. He cursed himself for his selfish thoughts. Robert glanced over his shoulder. For a moment his grey-green eyes seemed to read deep into Jack's soul. 111

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"Come Jack, let's sample the famous tea-shops. I find myself missing my cook's cakes already." His tone was jolly, somewhat falsely strained. Jack pushed him away, along the side of the river and towards the bustling cafés and restaurants lining it. They drank tea and ate delicate triangular sandwiches, completing the meal with little cakes from the tall stand on the counter. Whitby seemed so far away from the sickness and post-war gloom hanging over London that Jack could almost make believe the last four years had never happened. He watched the seagulls swooping over the Abbey and imagined the dramatic ruins lit with moonlight, a vampire stalking beneath its silver-spun arches. "You're far away, Jack." "Sorry." "You're thinking about Count Dracula and the romance of the Abbey." Jack grinned sheepishly. "I always did like that book." "Me, too. Shall we go and explore? Sayles can drive me around the long way. If you want to take the steps, I'll meet you at the Abbey." Jack hesitated. "Don't you mind?" 112

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"Why should I? I climbed those steps plenty before the war. It's a relief not to have to do it again. It makes the old legs ache terribly." Robert smiled brightly. Jack regarded him. Robert was so brave but nothing about him fooled Jack anymore, not now he knew him. The sting of James would remain with Robert forever, the nightmares of war and his own crippled body. For a moment Jack wished for something more. An easier employer, someone with no strings attached. He was sure Robert read his guilty thoughts. "All right then. I'll push you back up to the house." "Thank you, Jack." Jack climbed the hundred and ninety-nine steps at his leisure, looking down at the red roofs of the houses scattered on the hillside below. He counted the steps to be sure, pausing at the top to scan the clear, brilliant blue ocean and look at the dotted buildings on the opposite cliff. Truly remarkable. He could see why Robert wanted to live here. He reached St. Mary's church and wandered through the graveyard. It was windy up here, a fresh breeze whipping through the exposed headstones to tousle Jack's hair and make him shiver. The sun shone on valiantly though as he walked amongst the stones, looking at names 113

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and dates of birth, noticing the fresh graves, those casualties of the war. He left the grounds, heading for the hulking ruins behind it. The Abbey loomed sinisterly over the church, surrounded by cawing crows like the very best horror story. Jack imagined coming up here after dark and scared himself with the idea. He had always been fond of gothic tales of Victorian melodrama. The Abbey was the most exciting place he had ever been. In the distance he recognised the shape of a wheelchair, Sayles pushing Robert up the cobbled road. Jack waved. He looked up and squinted in dismay as the sun went behind a cloud and the whole cliff top darkened. Nonetheless, it was appropriate to the surroundings. Thunder and lightning and violent rain would have been much better suited to the Abbey. Robert reached him, Sayles panting a little with the effort. Jack took the handles from him. "Rest a while, Sayles," Robert told him as Jack pushed him towards the Abbey. "What do you think Jack?" "Magnificent. I bet you can give me a history lesson, can't you?" "Certainly. The Abbey was founded in 657 AD by the Anglo-Saxon King Oswy, with the founding abbess being St. Hilda. It was destroyed a couple of hundred years 114

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later when the Vikings invaded and rebuilt again after the Norman Conquest. Then Henry the Eighth dissolved the monasteries in 1539 and it fell into disrepair. And let's not forget the damage the Germans did to it in 1914 when they shelled the west front. I understand the Ministry of Works is seeking to buy it. Maybe they'll tidy it up and give the place the dignity it deserves." But even with its crumbling façade and huge piles of fallen masonry, the Abbey was unique and powerful. "When I think of the history it's seen," Jack murmured, "the wars and invasions it's survived…" Robert nodded in agreement. "It's breathtaking." "Yes." A sudden gust of wind blew Robert's hat off. Laughing, Jack chased it across the Abbey grounds, into the ruins. Fat drops of rain started to pelt him as he bent to retrieve it. He hurried to replace the hat on Robert's head, squeezing his shoulder. "Come on, let's get you back to the car." They sheltered there a while, watching the clouds grow darker and the rain turn to a deluge. Finally, Robert told Sayles to drive them back to the cottage and Jack turned around, watching the Abbey fade from view as they left it behind. 115

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They ate at a restaurant on the West Cliff that evening, overlooking the Abbey and church. The rain had tailed off; the evening was dark and chilly. They shared a bottle of wine which cost more than Jack earned in a week and ate fresh local fish. The activity and excitement of the day had tired Jack out. The sea air always made him sleep well. He looked forward to his bed and to having Robert sleeping beside him. Robert smiled at him across the table. "Was it a good day?" "The best." "I'm glad. I hoped you would appreciate Whitby as much as I do." Robert poured him some more wine. "Are you trying to get me drunk?" "Maybe." Robert's eyes glinted wickedly. "You don't need to." "Don't I?" "No. I'll do whatever you want with or without alcohol." Robert blushed very slightly, a faint pink stain on his pale cheeks. "I'm a very lucky man." Jack didn't say anything but at that moment, he felt like he was the lucky one.

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CHAPTER THIRTEEN The bed was a large four-poster with silken hangings. Jack slid naked into it and watched Robert slowly transfer himself onto the mattress with strong arms. He reached out as Robert lay down, squeezed one of those biceps. "How hard you are." "If only." Robert put a hand beneath the covers and between Jack's legs. "But how hard you are, my dear." Jack grinned self-consciously. "I can't help myself. I was thinking about you touching me." "You were?" "Yes." "Tell me. Tell me exactly what you think of to get so hard." Jack swallowed, embarrassed. He lay down by Robert's side. "I think of your hands on me. Of pushing myself into your mouth while you hold me tight to you. I think of me inside you." He stopped, flushed by his boldness. Robert's pupils were large in the dim light cast by the bedside lamp. "Let me please you, Jack." He slid Jack's erection slowly through his palm. Jack whimpered with need. He let Robert pull him 117

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on to his body and then he held onto the head board as Robert drew Jack's legs over his shoulders and closed his mouth around him. Jack groaned, looking down at the sucking mouth, how it enveloped him in heated wetness and pulled steadily. Robert's hands clasped his bare backside, like they had that first time and held him firm, encouraging Jack to rock forward into his mouth. Jack shivered and shook with every wet pass of Robert's mouth down his shaft. He trembled with the notion that Robert might once more swallow his ejaculate. One of his very favourite things, something he felt slightly ashamed of. As a paid companion, he shouldn't be expecting his employer to do such a thing for him and not many men had in the past. But there was no denying that Robert enjoyed doing this to him. He could tell by the low moans coming from his throat, the caressing fingers on his buttocks. Robert's slender fingers slid between his cheeks, flitting over his entrance, then lingering, stroking lightly. The gentle teasing was too much. Jack cried out, shuddering hard. He tried to pull back but Robert held him firm, taking everything Jack delivered. Panting, Jack climbed off him, fell by his side. Robert laughed softly beside him. "Jack, my dear, I love how much you enjoy that." 118

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Jack didn't speak. His face was hot. His cock throbbed, wet and sinking slowly from its tumescence. Robert's hand stroked his thigh. "I wanted to… touch you there, but I was afraid it might be painful for you." Jack turned his head to regard him. "No. You can touch me." "Are you sure?" Robert looked anxious. "I feel wrong to do so after what he did to you." Jack closed his eyes a moment. "I wish…" he stopped. "Go on, Jack." "I wish you could… take away that memory by making love to me." Jack hated himself once he'd said it. Robert rolled against him, face hidden in Jack's shoulder. "I wish it, too. I wish my fervent desire for you could magic my prick into complying." Jack held his head. He wrapped his limbs around Robert and lay comfortably with him. Words were left unspoken. What Jack wished equally was that Robert could walk up those one hundred and ninety-nine steps to the church and Abbey with him. At length, Robert sighed. "Dear Jack, what am I to do? You're so dear to me, I'm afraid I will cease to function should you suddenly leave me. And I function little enough 119

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as it is." He gave a strained smile. Jack lifted Robert's head in his hands. "I won't leave you suddenly. I promise." "Do you?" "Yes. Why don't you kiss me?" Robert did just that, taking Jack's breath away with a searing kiss. He rolled onto Jack, kissed his way down his body, moving himself slowly beneath the covers on strong arms. His mouth found Jack's inner thighs, his groin, his tongue licked the length of Jack's recovering cock. Jack parted his legs at the feel of Robert's fingers. "Touch me there," he said. "Please." Robert did so, a wet finger tracing him, making him flutter and clench. He dipped inside, fingering Jack carefully, taking him back to full erection with his mouth around his cock-head. Jack clutched at his hair. "Robert, that's so good." A hand cupped his balls, lifted them, before a tongue pressed at the sensitive skin behind them. Jack flinched and arched. Robert pushed one of his knees up. His tongue lapped over Jack's hole. Jack swore and immediately clapped a hand over his mouth. Robert chuckled beneath the covers. "I haven't forgotten how much you like this. When I spanked you and 120

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you grew so impossibly hard." "You bastard, you exploit my weaknesses." "Do I? Is it my fault you like a tongue in inappropriate places?" "You like putting it there." "That's true." Robert licked again, leaving Jack deliciously wet. He shifted on the bed, needing to be filled, an ache seizing him. Robert impaled him with two fingers. Jack groaned, rocking against them, putting a hand down to touch himself. "I like that, Jack." Robert sucked lightly at his balls. "Let me watch you pleasure yourself." Jack pushed the covers back so he could watch Robert's mouth and hand at work. He stroked his own cock, twisting his hand around the head, luxuriating in the feel of his touch and the heat it sparked in Robert's eyes. He panted and gasped. "Oh God, Robert, please, put your mouth back…" Robert pushed both Jack's knees up abruptly, spreading him open. He dipped his tongue back between his legs, lapping at a furious pace and took Jack helplessly over the edge. Jack spurted over his chest, bucking, shaking, and crying out. He fell limply back as Robert slid himself 121

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slowly up the bed and lay beside him. It was late and Robert was asleep but slumber eluded Jack. He climbed from the bed and crossed to the window where he looked upon the silhouette of the Abbey on the opposite cliff, the lamps lighting the one hundred and ninety-nine steps. What was he going to do? Robert's need for him grew with every meeting and Jack had only encouraged him by coming away to Whitby, but his own desires could not be denied. He felt the same. This could never work. Jack could not afford to fall any deeper. Behind him Robert stirred. "Can't you sleep?" "No." Robert sighed. "Something troubles you." "Yes." "You worry about my feelings for you." "I worry about my feelings for you." "Oh Jack," Robert burst out. "If only…" He hesitated. Jack turned around to look at him and Robert smiled a little to show he was teasing, but Jack knew he meant it. "If only you lived with me as my kept man." Jack stared. Robert stumbled on hurriedly. "Oh I don't mean you wouldn't have your own life, your own friends, and your own job. Just that… there wouldn't be money between us, 122

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you would be my equal in all things and… you would be nobody else's companion but mine." "You want that?" "Yes." "Robert, you and I, we're from different worlds. You would soon become bored of me. You would be overwhelmed by the history I bring to the bed. I've not been a good boy." "I don't care about any of that. We're not that different, we're both looking for someone to love us and God, Jack, I can love you to the very bottom of my soul, I know I can. I can be the one you want to come home to every day." Jack leaned uneasily against the window sill. "And the scandal?" "I care not." "You should. Might I remind you it is illegal?" "No one's going to come into my home and inspect my sleeping arrangements, Jack. No one will know you are anything but my lodger. Unless you wish me to tell them." Jack stared at him for the longest time and then finally he crossed the room and slid back into bed. He held Robert to him. "Let's go to sleep."

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CHAPTER FOURTEEN Jack tried to pretend the midnight conversation hadn't happened. They haunted the Abbey every day, tracking through its grounds, admiring its architecture, looking at the graves in St. Mary's cemetery. "I'd like to write a book about the Abbey," Jack said as they sat together in the graveyard, staring out to sea. "A ghost story." "You should. A fine writer you'd be. You're clever and sharp and know all the right words." Jack glowed with pleasure. The day was fine, the clouds clearing to let out the sun. It made the ocean glitter and brought the seabirds in. A gull walked boldly on the bench behind Jack and he tossed it a few crumbs from the sandwich he held. Robert laughed as a flock of birds dived squawking around their feet. "Now look what you've done." "I love to feed birds," Jack said. "I like to share my food with the animals. I always rescued sick creatures when I was a young boy and nursed them back to health." "We should start a sanctuary. That would keep you out of mischief if you lived with me." Jack glanced at him. Robert's eyes sparked emerald in the sunlight. He smiled, his teeth bright. 124

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"I'd like that," Jack murmured, turning his attention back to the competing gulls. "I'd like it, too. I'd like to keep you as mine for ever and ever." Jack kept his attention on the voracious birds. One pecked the toe of his boot. He still could make no sense of what Robert had offered him. It was ludicrous, wasn't it? Jack was a man of ill repute, someone who sold himself for others' pleasure. And yet Robert wanted him to be his everything? Madness. He didn't know what he asked. How could they ever be together? He heaved a sigh. "I can't, Robert. I'm sorry." Robert didn't speak. He kept his gaze on the gulls too. Finally he said, in a tone of resignation, "I'm not man enough for you." Jack jumped from the bench and the birds scattered. "Don't you dare. You know that's not it!" Robert said nothing further. They went back to the cottage on the West Cliff and made preparations to go home. Jack waited until they were outside his flat before he told Robert, the long drive back from the north east coast having given him plenty of time to think. "I'm not coming back," he said. "Our arrangement is 125

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at an end." He felt his own heart break as he said the words and watched Robert's face fall into desolation. "I'm sorry." He heaved himself out of the car before Robert could speak, taking his bag from Sayles and thanking him. He glanced in through the window once more and saw Robert with head bowed, hands folded together neatly on his lap before the car pulled away. Robert sent Mr Drew with a large sum of money a few days later and a handwritten note. Thank you for accompanying me to Whitby. I will remember our time together fondly. Jack sighed. How impersonal the letter was, like Robert was putting that brave face on everything again. He worried about the sort of despair Robert would sink back into now Jack was gone. That same despair Jack had found him in, locked in his house for two years bemoaning his shattered body. Jack couldn't afford to think about him. He had to be strong. Their arrangement could never lead to anything. But Jack didn't feel strong. He only felt like something was missing from his life. He tried to drown himself in work—rich men with fully-functioning bodies who used him until Jack was too tired to think anymore. Parties where groups of men sated 126

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themselves on him one after the other. It was at one such party where Jack, finally, fell foul of the law.

He was at the country house of Maxwell Williams, a man of legendary tastes and an appetite so voracious Jack could barely keep up. Maxwell liked to indulge in practices Jack wasn't so keen on, but the money was good so he usually went along with whatever his employer wanted. That weekend he wanted Jack on hand to entertain some of his male friends. This had been done before, Jack moving around the room, swapping partners every time Maxwell clapped his hands. But Maxwell had yet to introduce him to a part of the house known as the dungeon. Jack felt unease and apprehension swarm through him as he was conveyed through darkness, down stone steps into the cellar of the house. There in the centre of the room, lit by candlelight, was a man lying face down, strapped to a bench, a man above him flagellating him with a cat o' nine tails. Jack stared. The captive man flinched and shouted with every stroke of the whip, raised red welts striping his back and buttocks. He looked up and Jack started as he recognised him—David, Reggie's companion. David obviously knew him too. He gave a little secret smile and a wink and then a 127

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theatrical moan as the leather hit him again. Maxwell caught Jack suddenly by the wrist and pulled him over to the wall. He started to undress him and another man loomed up behind him, a stranger, helping Jack disrobe too. The two men stripped him between them before they pushed Jack against the wall and clamped him there, wrists cuffed above his head, legs spread apart. Jack watched them fearfully, his gaze straying back to David, who had been penetrated by the handle of the cat o' nine tails. He wasn't sure he wanted this at all. It wasn't his cup of tea. The stranger fondled Jack's genitals while Maxwell watched. On the table, David writhed against the object in his backside, moaning loudly for more. Jack felt reluctantly aroused. He stiffened in the stranger's hand. Maxwell smiled. He went to another table which was laid out with a variety of toys and selected a dildo, greasing it and passing it to the stranger. Jack tensed, watching the man handle it, watching David on the bench as his whipping was resumed. The stranger grinned at him, an attractive blond who reminded Jack uncomfortably of Reggie, before he thrust the dildo into him. Jack yelled and squirmed. The stranger bent his head and started to suck him while he worked him with the 128

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toy. Maxwell grinned, a hand in his trouser pocket, moving swiftly. Jack closed his eyes. Behind the lids he saw Robert, lying stretched out in supplication as Jack made love to him. He wanted more. He wanted more than a faceless man working him with a toy. He wanted to be someone's everything and for someone to be his all. He could get what he needed from Robert. He had been selfish to think that he couldn't. He opened his eyes again at the increased sounds coming from the bench where David was restrained. He was up on all fours now, ankles tied to each corner, wrists tied together, another man buried inside him while the man with the whip watched. This man rode David greedily and David gasped and moaned and shouted filthy entreaties in the most dramatic way. Jack saw his cock dangling down between his legs, hard and red, fluid dripping onto the bench from its tip. There could be no doubt David enjoyed his job. And although Jack liked the toy in his backside and would soon come to climax into the sucking mouth around his cock, he didn't hold quite the same enthusiasm as David did. Not anymore, and especially not since Reggie. Not now that every scenario such as this one filled him with the fear that someone else would take him by force. 129

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Nonetheless, David's performance excited him. He put on quite the show. Jack had to hand it to him; he was well worth the money. What was more remarkable was watching his cock spurt copiously onto the table with no touch from anyone. David panted and cursed and went limp in his captors' hands but the man riding him hadn't finished with him. He carried on, much to David's displeasure. Those were the things you had to deal with in this business. If you were lucky enough to get off, it didn't mean you could stop immediately and have a snooze. Another reason why Jack was lucky he had found Robert. Robert would never carry on regardless after Jack had come. Mainly because Robert would never make love to him. But still, Jack could make love to Robert whenever he chose and pleasure him like Robert was still the man he had been. Never once had he considered Robert half a man. He clenched around the toy, feeling the rush towards orgasm, concentrating on the slender, bound figure of David gasping on the table, his cock still resolutely hard. Jack came, bucking, grunting, his spendings swallowed by the eager stranger on his knees. Loud footsteps on the stone steps drew every man's attention in the room. A group of police officers entered, the one at the head of the procession declaring loudly, "Nobody move. Everybody here is under arrest." 130

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Jack stared. The stranger let go of the toy and the dildo slid slowly out of Jack and clattered onto the stone floor, attracting disgusted stares. He closed his eyes while a policeman uncuffed him and shoved him towards his clothes, telling him to dress. He caught David's eye. David was grinning like this was the most exciting thing to ever happen to him as he was pulled naked off the table, but Jack didn't quite agree. He felt nothing but shame.

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CHAPTER FIFTEEN Jack had been lying in his cell for an indeterminable amount of time and darkness had come and gone when a police officer finally walked down the corridor. Jack eyed his cellmate, snoring peacefully on the one available mattress while Jack huddled on the floor. A man from the party, he had tried to molest Jack several times during the night and Jack had fought him off fiercely until the man got sick of trying. He stared up miserably at the policeman looking disdainfully down on him. "Jack Anderson?" "Yes." "Come on, let's go." Jack scrambled up. He presumed he was to go in front of the magistrate and be charged with gross indecency. He tried his best to straighten his wrinkled jacket and adjust his cravat, smoothing his hair down. He didn't know why he bothered. A jail term stared him in the face. But the officer led him out into the main hall of the police station and there waiting for him on a chair, Jack saw a familiar face—Mr Drew. He stared, dumbstruck. Mr Drew shook the hand of the policeman. Then he 132

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said, "Come along, Mr Anderson." He walked away and Jack hurried after him without further ado. Mr Drew had his own car parked outside. He ushered Jack inside and then he sat there a moment while Jack waited. "I had business at the police station this morning and I saw your name on the chalkboard. I telephoned Mr Blake and as he has some acquaintances on the police force, he took matters into his own hands." Jack looked straight ahead through the windscreen, deeply embarrassed, his face flaming. "I'm grateful," he said. Mr Drew inclined his head. "I'll pass it on. May I drop you somewhere?" "At home please, if you don't mind." Mr Drew started the engine and set off. Jack had another shock when he got home. A familiar car waited outside and the back window wound down to reveal Robert. "Please sit with me a moment Jack." Jack could hardly refuse after what Robert had done for him that day. He climbed into the back of the car and closed the door. In the intimate interior of the car, his heart clenched as he regarded Robert's handsome face. 133

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"Thank you." "You were in need. I couldn't leave you there." Jack heaved a sigh. He put his hands over his face, leaning forward. "What must you think of me? I'm so deeply ashamed." "Come Jack, there's no need. I understand your business. This is an occupational hazard, is it not?" The same thing Jack had said after Reggie's assault. Jack nodded. "But this is the first time." "You've done well so far." "Yes. I don't want it to happen again." "Then you must be more circumspect." Jack nodded. He was all out of words. He climbed from the car. "Thank you again Robert." He walked away. A few days later, a package arrived at Jack's flat. He read the letter which accompanied it. I miss you. The package contained a leather bound first edition of Great Expectations. Jack turned it over in his hands a moment. Was this some sort of coded message from Robert? That if Jack joined forces with him, he could aspire to be the same sort of gentleman Pip became in the book; he could have great expectations? He didn't know whether to be angry or not. 134

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Jack didn't see Maxwell Williams again. He curtailed his activities to the most discreet of his gentlemen friends and asked for more hours at the bookshop. Never would he be able to live on the money he got there, but maybe he could slowly phase out his other life. If only he could phase out Robert from his memories. When he came home at night, frustrated, aroused, he lay with his hand around himself while he thought of the most precious man he had ever met. Robert sent him another package the following week—a first edition of The Scarlet Letter by Nathaniel Hawthorne. Was this symbolic too? That Jack should have the scarlet cloth on his chest, a P for prostitute instead of an A? He didn't know what to think, whether to be offended or just take Robert's presents for what they were. He sent a stiff letter in reply, thanking Robert and asking him to send no more. Robert didn't heed his request. He sent a first edition of Dostoevsky's Crime and Punishment. Now that wasn't funny. Robert was playing with him, teasing and Jack should have found it amusing but he was cross instead and wondered what Robert would send next. What Robert sent, cleverly, was Bram Stoker's Dracula. That melted 135

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away all Jack's anger instantly. He buried himself in work at the bookshop. His boss was a war veteran who had come back walking with a stick and minus one eye. In Jack's father's absence, he was a good role model and Jack liked him immensely. He hadn't said anything about what he did with the rest of his time, but Jack suspected that his employer knew nonetheless. Perhaps it was the times a couple of men had come in browsing and then given Jack the eye, winking as though they knew him. If his boss had any inkling, he gave no outward appearance that he found Jack's extra-curricular activities distasteful. New and second-hand books mixed in the narrow aisles of the bookshop, old tomes towering precariously to the ceiling, wooden steps on every corner to retrieve books for customers. They made a good trade, but Jack's boss already had one full-time lad so he couldn't afford to give Jack more hours. Nonetheless, he raised him to three days a week and Jack was grateful. He noticed the war veterans who came in looking for poetry by Wilfred Owen and Siegfried Sassoon or Rupert Brooke and tried not to notice their sometimes obvious injuries. He thought again of Robert, how he thought himself half a man. He was all man. A man who had loved another 136

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to distraction and lost him after saving his life, and come back to England a shadow of his former self. Jack knew he had been instrumental in raising Robert from the depths of despair, only to cast him back there. Was he going to leave Robert to flounder in the quagmire of his own desperate memories or was he going to hold him up above the waves and rescue him?

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CHAPTER SIXTEEN After another week, a letter arrived from Robert. He told Jack there was a position available for an animal keeper at a wildlife hospital near his home and that as he knew the owner, he had put Jack's name forward as a candidate. Also, the remuneration was good. Jack was astonished. It sounded like a fine job, but he didn't have the transport to travel out to somewhere near Robert's house every day and since when were jobs with animals paid well? He smelled a rat. Nonetheless, when a letter arrived a few days later from a Mr Fitzsimmons, inviting him for an interview, Jack took a taxi out into the country. The sanctuary was a group of long, low buildings noisy with tweeting, squawking, shuffling, grunting and lots of other noises in between. Mr Fitzsimmons greeted him at the gate and showed Jack around the pens, introducing him to the inhabitants, animals who were all sick or orphaned and recuperating with tender loving care from the owner and his staff. Jack peered in on roe deer, hedgehogs, squirrels, magpies, bullfinches and badgers and lost his heart in much the same way as he had to books. And Robert. Mr 138

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Fitzsimmons wanted him two days a week and his wages would be more than the three days a week the bookshop paid him. Doing a quick calculation in his head, Jack knew he could afford to live on both wages and even take taxis to the sanctuary. He could not believe his luck—that just maybe, the days of selling himself might be behind him. He accepted. On the way back, he asked the taxi to stop at the grand manor house and walked up the sweeping driveway to knock on the door. Clarke opened it. "Why, Mr Anderson." A smile almost cracked his solemn face. "Hello, Mr Clarke. Is the master in?" "Certainly, sir. Do come in and let me take your coat. Quite nice weather today, almost spring, I dare say." "Quite." Clarke was more loquacious than he had been in the past. Jack followed him to the library and waited while he was announced. He stepped into the room and saw the fond smile track over Robert's pale, rather strained face. "Hello, Jack, how lovely to see you." "Hello, Robert." They shook hands and Jack took a seat on the chaise longue. "You got me that job, didn't you?" "I merely put your name forward. You got it then?" "Yes I got it and the money's good." 139

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"That's absolutely splendid. Does that mean you might be able to give up…?" "Perhaps, yes." "Wonderful." Robert wheeled his chair to the bell pull. "Let's have a glass of wine to celebrate. And some of your favourite buns." "Robert," Jack said sternly. "You engineered this whole thing. I wouldn't be surprised if my wages were coming from your own pocket. I won't be your kept man." Robert turned to regard him, his expression sliding into solemnity. "The money isn't coming from me. Mr Fitzsimmons owed me a favour. I told him you were a hard worker, that's all. I know it's a long way from home. You could stay over here on the days you work there. I have plenty of bedrooms." Jack sighed. "What am I to do with you? You can't buy your way back into my life." Robert looked like he'd been slapped. "Please Jack, just tell me you missed me. Even just a little bit. That's all I want to know." Clarke entered the room at that moment. "Some wine, tea and cakes please," Robert requested. "Very good, sir." Clarke retreated. "I did," Jack said. "Of course I did." A small smile crossed Robert's face. "That will keep 140

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me warm on long nights," he said. Jack sat back in silence and struggled with his emotions. He wanted Robert, of course he did. The tension between them was electric, setting the room alight. He couldn't keep denying what was between them. He thrust his hands between his knees, snapping his legs shut, holding them close to his body so they couldn't work independently of him and take what they wanted. But Robert watched him knowingly. As though he waited for Jack to crack. A knock came at the door. Clarke entered with a tray loaded with cakes, wine and tea. He placed it on the occasional table and Robert thanked him. Then he turned his attention back to Jack. Slowly, as Jack watched, Robert shrugged out of his jacket. He unbuttoned his waistcoat and cast it aside before he loosened his cravat. "What are you doing?" "I'm undressing. I'm going to get down on the rug by the fire and I'm going to wait for you to join me so I can ravage you." Jack's heart pounded. "And if I don't?" "Then I'll lie silly and naked for a while before I drag myself back into my chair." Jack watched Robert unbutton his shirt, pull it down his arms and cast it and his cravat aside. His muscular torso 141

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caused Jack's cock to thicken. He crossed to the tea tray, poured some wine and took a long gulp. Then he started to strip his own clothes off while he watched Robert wriggle out of his. When Robert was sat naked in his chair, he wheeled himself over to the fire. With surprising and athletic grace, he slid from the chair down onto the rug. Jack watched the heavy balls swing between his legs and longed to touch. He stepped forward, aroused beyond all reason and lay on top of Robert. Robert clutched him hard, showering kisses on his lips and his throat. Jack slid down his body. He kissed and licked and nibbled, breathing in Robert's scent, touching each part of his body reverently, remembering all this and what he had missed, until he had Robert's cock in his mouth, sucking gently. Robert moaned beneath him, breathing heavily. He clutched at Jack's hair as Jack traced his cock and balls with his tongue, circling inwards, inching between his buttocks. "Oh Jack, Jack." Jack speared him with one wet finger. Robert's cock jumped as Jack nudged his prostate. Robert hissed between his teeth, arching, his cock dribbling. Jack lapped it up. He watched the pleasure on Robert's face as he sucked at his balls. 142

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"Jack," Robert said breathlessly. "Turn around so I can reach you." Jack did as he was told, straddling Robert's head, leaning down over him to lick at his cock once more while replacing his finger, stroking that place which sent Robert out of his mind. A hand closed around his hard shaft. Robert guided it into his mouth and sucked fiercely. Jack groaned, easing his hips down, fucking Robert's mouth, squirming when wet fingers played with his entrance. It was too good, this mutual appreciation of each other's body, the way they worked in synchronisation to please each other. Robert pulled Jack ever closer, his mouth teasing his sac, fingers inside him, finding that spot. Jack bucked, electrified. The noises he made embarrassed him but he didn't care. Robert knew everything about him now, knew just what Jack liked and the sounds he made when he was coming. There was no need to hold back. He tasted Robert's semen. He noticed suddenly that Robert seemed to thicken in his mouth and he drew back, looking, fondling an increasingly rigid shaft. He couldn't believe his eyes or his hands. He sucked Robert down eagerly, playing his tongue over the head of his cock, pressing on his prostate to drive him further towards the 143

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edge. Robert groaned beneath him, mouth plugged with Jack's cock. Jack wondered if Robert even knew he was growing hard. An intense climax loomed on the horizon. Jack tried to hold back until he had finished Robert. But Robert grew no harder, remaining semitumescent, despite Jack's ministrations, and the fond fantasy he slipped into of straddling Robert's cock, riding him senseless, diminished. It didn't matter. Jack was firmly convinced he had healed Robert to this extent. All the rest would surely follow, even walking. He was sure of it. Robert started to shake and thrash under him. He pulled his mouth away from Jack to cry out, holding him firm as he shuddered long and hard. He ejaculated, spurting copious amounts of white over his belly and chest. He gasped. "Oh God Jack, look, look…" Jack turned around. He lay down on Robert so they were mouth to mouth, torsos sticking together. "I told you, you were wonderful." Robert gripped him around the back and kissed him fiercely. "No, Jack, that's you. My sweet saviour." His hand closed around Jack's shaft, milking him firmly. Jack held himself up on his arms over Robert, kissing him as Robert brought him surely to orgasm, their fluids mixing together on Robert's belly. 144

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He collapsed, spent, allowing Robert to hold him close. Only their breathing and the crackling of the fire broke the silence for the longest while. Finally, Jack lifted his head. "Admit it; the wages of the animal keeper position will come out of your pocket." Robert sighed. His fingers ran through Jack's hair. "What's a man desperately in love supposed to do?" Jack stared down into the grey-green eyes beneath him. "Do you mean that?" "I mean it. If you would just consent to be with me, I would take you on any terms I can get you." "Including me still working at my previous job? "Yes. Anything at all. Whatever makes you happy makes me happy, Jack." Jack hesitated. He traced the strong curve of Robert's jaw with one finger. "What would make me happy would be working three days at the bookshop and two at the animal sanctuary and staying here on those days I'm in the area." A smile bloomed across Robert's face. He hugged Jack hard. "Tell me though, when I need to negotiate a pay rise at the animal sanctuary, should I deal with you direct?" Robert grinned saucily. "Correct. I see you might drive a hard bargain, young Jack." 145

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"That I might. Think you'll be able to handle it?" Jack took Robert's hand and forced his fingers around his thickening shaft. "I imagine your powers of recuperation must have been legendary in the circles you moved in." It was Jack's turn to smile. "How did you know that?" "A wild stab in the dark. I bet you leave a trail of happy men in your wake. I'm even luckier than I know." Jack thought of all those happy men. It was true he could perform several times in an evening, although his more selfish customers had often found it more satisfying to watch Jack nursing the same erection while they came multiple times. Jack hadn't been it for the satisfaction though, but the money. He had his own hand to use afterwards for that. Now that life was gone and a new one waited in its place. A life of respectability with a worthwhile job helping those creatures who couldn't help themselves and a man who had come back from France down, but not out. He vowed to himself right then to be everything Robert needed. Robert lay holding Jack in his arms as he slept. His thoughts were serene and blissful. He couldn't quite believe 146

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Jack was willing to give him another go, even as half a man. But this evening, he had almost been a full man; both of them knew that, and what he lacked in the bedroom he was sure he could make up with his strength of character. With Jack's help, Robert would stand tall—maybe one day literally, but for now, metaphorically—and be the man he had been before he went to France and was stripped of all courage, all dignity, all hope. He wouldn't forget James, his first true love and the man he had looked up to in so many ways, but Jack would help his bittersweet memories and guilt become that much easier to bear. Maybe one day the nightmares of France would stop and he would no longer flinch at loud noises or hide away from the world. Maybe one day he would be a whole man again. He held Jack close and breathed in the scent of his golden hair as he drifted away into sleep. THE END

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Scarlet likes cats and hats and firmly believes that the only thing better than one attractive man is two attractive men. Email: [email protected] Webpage: http://scarletblackwell.com/default.aspx Blog: http://scarlet-fiction.livejournal.com/ Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=10000113550006 0

ALSO BY SCARLET BLACKWELL:

Available at Silver Publishing: Rescue Me Anthology, Volume 1 Sanctuary Snowbound Solace (Dec 24) Lonely (Feb 18, 2012) I Am Fallen (Mar 17, 2012) Snuff (Apr 14, 2012) CLEAR WATER CREEK CHRONICLES Into the Light Smashed into Pieces WAR TALES Half a Man Available at All Romance Ebooks: Stand and Deliver Life Class Just Desserts Second Helpings Beached Hearts The Vampire's Prisoner And So Is Love Love Bites Of Genies and Sea Monsters in Myths and Magic: Legends of Love The Unlikely Vampire in Just One Bite, Volume 1 The Last Supper The Golden Haired Boy

On the Wings of the Vampire The Captain's Man Sin Row The Captain's Beloved Available at Dreamspinner Press: Apathy The King's Man Secondhand Heart ** Please note: the dates above are subject to change **

REVIEWS FOR RESCUE ME:

Rescue Me by Scarlet Blackwell is a character driven, angst-filled, heart-wrenching, soul redeeming, romantic story with one of the best endings I've read in a long time. (5 stars—Top Pick) —Night Owl Reviews … Rescue Me is an impressive story that illustrates love has no gender, in spite of predetermined thoughts. Scarlet Blackwell has created an exceedingly enjoyable saga. (4 ½ nymphs) —Literary Nymphs

REVIEWS FOR INTO THE LIGHT:

Into the Light by Scarlet Blackwell is powerful and filled with remorse, sadness, misunderstanding, tension, angst, anxiety and hope. I wasn't expecting to run the gauntlet of these emotions and more while reading about Sean and Eden, but once I started I couldn't put it down. (5 Delightful Divas and a Recommended Read) —Dark Divas Reviews