Fun with Pedophiles - The Best of Baiting

Fun With PedoPhiles (The Best of Baiting) Doug StANhope

Shake the Baby Press

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ALSO AVAILABLE FROM DOUG STANHOPE: COMEDY DVDs: DEADBEAT HERO WORD OF MOUTH COMEDY CDs: SICKO SOMETHING TO TAKE THE EDGE OFF DIE LAUGHING DEADBEAT HERO ALL THIS AND MORE AVAILABLE AT: http://www.dougstanhope.com DOUG STANHOPE ON MYSPACE: http://www.myspace.com/dougstanhope

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Fun With PedoPhiles (The Best of Baiting) Doug StANhope For more baiting: www.baiting.org www.dougstanhope.com DISCLAIMER! All the screen names of the Baitees have been changed for legal purposes. Anyone creepy enough to pick up 13-year-olds online is probably stupid enough to file frivolous lawsuits.

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This book uses invented names in all stories, except notable public figures who are the subjects of satire. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. Copyright © 2006 Shake the Baby Press All Rights Reserved. Published in the United States by Shake the Baby Press. The material in this work previously appeared on the World Wide Web site http://www.baiting.org Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is being applied for. ISBN: 978-0-615-13542-7 Printed in the United States by Lulu.com and associated vendors Editing and Design by Mr. Arthur Hinty First Edition

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INTRODUCTION The Best of Baiting is quite possibly the most vulgar, disgusting, vile, offensive reading you will ever come across. It is also, in our own estimation, the hardest you will ever laugh in your life.

FAQ Q: What the fuck is “Baiting,” anyway? A: Baiting is the art of enticing certain people (in this book, mostly pedophiles and religious zealots) into sending you an instant message on the internet … and then fucking with them mercilessly as you conduct a humorous online conversation, which you of course save as a log. You set the "bait" by saying, perhaps, that you are a 13-year-old girl who enjoys sexy chat with older men. When you get a bite, the game is afoot! Most of these baits end with you turning the tables − "and then I stick my dick in your ass!" − although baiting is not limited to child molesters.

Q: How did baiting get started? A: The Original Baiters spent most of their waking hours online, chatting with various individuals instead of actually working or accomplishing anything of tangible importance. 99.9% of the time, they would receive messages only from individuals they knew, though occasionally some weirdo would send a message thinking they were someone else. This would have meant nothing, if not for the fact that one baiter began constantly receiving messages from strange Egyptians asking for cyber-sex. Turns out that the information in his user profile, namely "I'm a 12 year old girl who likes to have sex with older guys" and an address listed as being in Bumfuck, Egypt, was being located in random searches by these weird fucks, who would believe it and proceed to message him accordingly.

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After perfecting the art with different Instant Messenger programs and recording several hilarious logs, the name “Baiting” was coined. Eventually, they put up a website showing off their collection. The targets of Original Baiters ranged from pedophiles to religious zealots and anti-abortion types − really, anyone who could be easily offended. As the Original Baiters became bored and started to get actual lives, new Baiters arrived to carry on the tradition.

Q: Who are the Baiters? A: Stand-up comic Doug Stanhope is the only Baiter willing to admit to being one of the Baiters as he has no reputation or professional career to place in jeopardy. The other Baiters are pale and clammy men who sit behind computers for a living and pray that they will remain forever anonymous.

Q: Isn't this shit illegal? A: We've pondered this question many times, normally returning the answer: "Who cares?" As far as any of us can tell, however, it's perfectly legal, as the baitee is soliciting (sex from) us. Look at it this way; if you call up a phone number you found in a bathroom stall, talk with the seemingly nice person on the other end and give them your name and address, should they be arrested if they give it out to all their friends? Of course not. At any rate, until some lawyer starts calling us up or the SWAT team kicks in a few front doors, it's as good as legal.

Q: My God, you are all sexist, racist, disgusting pigs. A: We believe that in our modern-day world of Political Correctness, it's good for the soul to be as filthy as possible, in every way, shape and form. In the case of baiting, most of it is simply done to further bait the victim, to get him to say things that will look hilarious when read by people who know what's going on. The Baiting staffers aren't all racist, homosexual child impersonators. It just makes for humorous reading. And that's the point, isn't it?

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Q: What the hell is it with you guys and sodomy? A: Unwanted homosexual sex is, for whatever reason, damn funny. Joking about utter gayness is, in general, damn funny. The word "cock," especially when applied to the same sentence as "in your ass," is damn funny. Or maybe we're all just incredibly gay.

Q: Any other details I need to know? A: Most of these fucks cannot or will not spell correctly or use any form of grammar. We have limited editing the logs to a bare minimum so as to preserve the flavor of these half-wits. Making them look any more intelligent than they really are would be counter-intuitive. Editing our own typos and misspellings? Well, that's a different story. A good number of Baits begin with the perp asking "a/s/l", meaning "age, sex and location". This is even more irritating because usually they have already read your profile and know exactly who you are − or who you are pretending to be. Also, when a log entry is surrounded by stars, as in “*I tear off my adult diaper and rub its contents on your chest*,” that is meant to describe a pretend action in a scenario being acted out by one of the participants. The profile for each Baiting persona in this book is the same one read by the Baitee who initially contacted them. And remember, it's only true Baiting when they contact you first.

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CHAPTER ONE:

TooLmySweeTass

Name: Kelli Ann Address: City: Las Vegas State/Country: NV Interests: Islam, Christianity, Judaism, Wine and Beer, Romance Other: I'm Kelli! I'm gonna be 14 in June (Gemini Rocks!) and I love OLDER guys who KNOW how to cyber! If you're under 20 don't even bother cuz you don't know what u r doing! 8

FUCK A DUCK Anyone who wrestles when they don't have to should be suspect.

evrclrr83: hey, age/sex/pic? ToolMySweetAss: Read my fucking profile before you bother me, you stupid cocksucker. evrclrr83: sorry i didnt know evrclrr83: damn ToolMySweetAss: Tell me, how old are you? evrclrr83: 18 ToolMySweetAss: Really? Your profile says you wrestle. evrclrr83: yeah ToolMySweetAss: That is sooooooo hot! ToolMySweetAss: Just the thought of two guys wrestling makes my pussy sauce up like a Chilito. ToolMySweetAss: Are you real good? evrclrr83: yeah ToolMySweetAss: Wow. You don't, by any chance, like to cyber do you? evrclrr83: yep ToolMySweetAss: You don’t say much, do you?

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ToolMySweetAss: I'd like to cyber but you seem like a mute. evrclrr83: im not... sorry babe evrclrr83: i had 2 go get something evrclrr83: but im back ToolMySweetAss: So what are you into? ToolMySweetAss: Other than wearing tights and groping other men? ToolMySweetAss: (mmmmmm) evrclrr83: i do just about anything baby evrclrr83: what are u into? ToolMySweetAss: I do it all. ToolMySweetAss: Oral ToolMySweetAss: Anal ToolMySweetAss: Candle wax ToolMySweetAss: Haiku evrclrr83: anything else? ToolMySweetAss: Carpet-Doggin’ ToolMySweetAss: Hell’s Bells ToolMySweetAss: Fecal Doldrums evrclrr83: u ever role play? ToolMySweetAss: And how! ToolMySweetAss: That’s my favorite! evrclrr83: really? what are your favorite scenarios? ToolMySweetAss: Let’s do wrestling! 10

evrclrr83: hmmm… how so ToolMySweetAss: So let’s say I am the first girl to make the wrestling team. evrclrr83: ok... sounds good ToolMySweetAss: And you don’t like it one bit! evrclrr83: hm... whys that? ToolMySweetAss: Because you are a chauvinist, or at least that’s how you make out to be. evrclrr83: ok... i understand ToolMySweetAss: Really, you got into wrestling so you could finally wrap your arms around the taut, sweating buttocks of your mouth-watering peers without looking like a homo… and I am ruining that for you. ToolMySweetAss: So you want revenge. evrclrr83: so what does this new female wrestler look like? ToolMySweetAss: I look like Dolemite in a leotard. evrclrr83: who? ToolMySweetAss: Never mind. Let’s wrestle! evrclrr83: ok.... babe... ur gonna get it... ToolMySweetAss: Try me! evrclrr83: i come up 2 u and grab your arms pullin u towards me ToolMySweetAss: I grab you by the eggbag and twist. You yelp like a dog under a car tire. The ref calls foul. ToolMySweetAss: I apologize. evrclrr83: i go over 2 the corner for a sec to get things straight evrclrr83: i come back over 2 u 11

ToolMySweetAss: Your cock is beginning to bulge in your spandex garment. ToolMySweetAss: All the other wrestlers are jealous. evrclrr83: i cant help but be attracted 2 u evrclrr83: i lunge for u again ToolMySweetAss: And that is your weakness! evrclrr83: im determined 2 beat u ToolMySweetAss: I see you staring at my sweet package and poke you in the eyes! ToolMySweetAss: You fall down crying. evrclrr83: i cover them evrclrr83: not knowing what 2 do ToolMySweetAss: The ref threatens to disqualify me. ToolMySweetAss: I tell him to lean in so that I can whisper in his ear. evrclrr83: ? ToolMySweetAss: He does and I grab his throat and crush his larynx. ToolMySweetAss: He falls in a pile. evrclrr83: ? ToolMySweetAss: You shit your pants as you realize this is now a death match. ToolMySweetAss: On, your feet, homo. evrclrr83: uhm... sorry... but could we change role playin’... I’m not really getting anything from this evrclrr83: and im not really gay 12

ToolMySweetAss: I kick your knee in and you buckle like a fat lady on narrow stairs. evrclrr83: sorry... but im not really into all this violence ToolMySweetAss: You weep and call for a parent or guardian. ToolMySweetAss: Nobody comes. ToolMySweetAss: Huh? ToolMySweetAss: Not into violence? ToolMySweetAss: But you're a wrestler? evrclrr83: yeah... during role playin evrclrr83: i know ToolMySweetAss: Ok. ToolMySweetAss: Then you make something up. evrclrr83: im violent when i wrestle... not when im with a chick evrclrr83: what other role playin situations have u done? ToolMySweetAss: Ok, Creampuff, you call the shots. ToolMySweetAss: No, it’s your turn. ToolMySweetAss: I don’t want to look like the asshole again. evrclrr83: ok... well first off is there something that u absolutely wont do? ToolMySweetAss: Nothing.I once let a monkey shit in my mouth for a Polaroid to win 25 skeeball tickets. I will do anything. evrclrr83: woah... ok... i dont think we need 2 do that ToolMySweetAss: Like you have a monkey. evrclrr83: how about u be a nurse

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ToolMySweetAss: Ok I'm a nurse. evrclrr83: ok, well im the patient... and i come in for a checkup ToolMySweetAss: Go ahead. ToolMySweetAss: Oh, Mr. Jones, I see here you have an awful case of the Creepy Gotchas. ToolMySweetAss: You will need to take off your pants. evrclrr83: really? ToolMySweetAss: Yes. Really. evrclrr83: whatever you say nurse evrclrr83: you know best evrclrr83: they’re off ToolMySweetAss: Now I am going to need to take your temperature. evrclrr83: ok nurse ToolMySweetAss: You know how we do that for the Creepy Gotchas? evrclrr83: how? ToolMySweetAss: First I am going to need you to get your cock as hard as possible. ToolMySweetAss: Let me bend over so you can see my freshly shaved parts. evrclrr83: ok nurse... ToolMySweetAss: Does that make you hard? evrclrr83: mmmm... i enjoy the view evrclrr83: starting 2

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ToolMySweetAss: I stick two fingers in myself to make sure you are as hard as you can be. evrclrr83: mmm... almost there, nurse ToolMySweetAss: I suck one of your balls into my mouth. You are as rigid as a Nazi parading in a Leni Riefenstahl movie. evrclrr83: mmm... yes ToolMySweetAss: Now we must take your temperature. evrclrr83: ok nurse ToolMySweetAss: I take the thermometer and put in my mouth so it’s all lubed up. ToolMySweetAss: I take your cock in my left hand, kind of like I was killing a turkey, and jam the thermometer down the head til you feel it touch your pelvic bone. ToolMySweetAss: You jump like a retard who sat down in a campfire. evrclrr83: woah..... evrclrr83: damn ToolMySweetAss: You weep like a baby, but Doctor knows what’s best. evrclrr83: i ask if the nurse could hurry it up… ToolMySweetAss: "Shut your whine-hole, faggy," I say... ToolMySweetAss: I try to pull it out but it’s stuck. evrclrr83: yes nurse evrclrr83: ow ToolMySweetAss: Only one thing to do now! evrclrr83: ?

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ToolMySweetAss: I grab a tack hammer and smash your cock flat, crushing the glass thermometer inside your gutted member. ToolMySweetAss: You will have to pee out the glass chunks. ToolMySweetAss: (This would be a good time for you to pee on me) evrclrr83: uhm... what the heck is it with u and violence? and pissing? ToolMySweetAss: That’s not *violent.* It’s *medical.* evrclrr83: i just wanted normal cyber sex ToolMySweetAss: And it was your fantasy. evrclrr83: i know... but the chicks dont shove a thermometer up my duck then hit it with a hammer ToolMySweetAss: Your duck? evrclrr83: dick ToolMySweetAss: Oh, we can do that, too, if you want. evrclrr83: no thanks ToolMySweetAss: We're in the barnyard feeding ducks. evrclrr83: ......... evrclrr83: i r think so ToolMySweetAss: You run out of bread but they're still hungry. ToolMySweetAss: I take off my top and show you my tits. Previous message was not received by evrclrr83: User evrclrr83 is not available. ToolMySweetAss: Then a duck fucks you.

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DEAD HOOKER BAIT You never know when you're going to cross someone's moral boundary.

Joshey10: hey ToolMySweetAss: Yes? Joshey10: im 23 m ny ToolMySweetAss: Great! I heart NY. Joshey10: kool Joshey10: im horny ToolMySweetAss: Poor bastard. Want some help jacking off? Joshey10: ya Joshey10: will you? ToolMySweetAss: Sure, what do you like? Joshey10: im 5'10'', brown hair, brown eyes Joshey10: tan ToolMySweetAss: No, what are you into? Joshey10: i like sex ToolMySweetAss: Say I was a hooker and you were going to kill me afterwards anyway. What would you do to me first? Joshey10: i would get head

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ToolMySweetAss: That’s all? ToolMySweetAss: Just head? ToolMySweetAss: Would you cut it off first? Joshey10: you do something ToolMySweetAss: Ok, so I am a hooker and you want head. Joshey10: i'd want you to do stuff to me Joshey10: anything ToolMySweetAss: You bring me to an hourly-rate crack hotel. ToolMySweetAss: You take out a Poulan XT950 chainsaw. ToolMySweetAss: The whine of the motor terrifies me. ToolMySweetAss: Without so much as a crack in your expression, you saw off my head. ToolMySweetAss: Now you take my bloody skull, pull open the mouth and drop it onto your rock-hard cock. ToolMySweetAss: It falls top-heavy, and your big dick pokes out the neck like a turd sneaking out of an asshole ToolMySweetAss: Did you come yet? ToolMySweetAss: Hello? Joshey10: no Joshey10: not yet ToolMySweetAss: OK ToolMySweetAss: My corpse lies on the floor with blood cascading from the neck. ToolMySweetAss: You do another bump of meth and try to tug some life into your syphilitic, twisted cock. 18

ToolMySweetAss: Cop-car sirens wail in the night and give you the fear. ToolMySweetAss: But they aren't coming for you. Not yet. ToolMySweetAss: You spread the ass cheeks of my cooling corpse and find that I voided my colon when I was killed. ToolMySweetAss: You stick two fingers into the waste and hold it under your nose. ToolMySweetAss: You know that smell. That is the Smell of Power. ToolMySweetAss: It makes your cock swell like a thumb caught in a car door. ToolMySweetAss: Did you come yet? Joshey10: no Joshey10: almost ToolMySweetAss: You remember that I am a heroin mule and have recently come back from a trip to Bolivia. On a hunch, you jam your entire hand in my ass, up to the elbow. ToolMySweetAss: You can feel the skin and flesh tear. ToolMySweetAss: You feel what must be a baggie way up inside my colon and you know you've struck pay dirt. ToolMySweetAss: You remove it and your whole arm is dripping blood and feces. ToolMySweetAss: You lick it clean like a wounded animal. ToolMySweetAss: There's a knock at the door. ToolMySweetAss: *Knock-Knock* ToolMySweetAss: Hey! I said Knock-Knock! Joshey10: who's there?

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ToolMySweetAss: "It's Thaddeus, Kareena's pimp. Where's my mutherfuckin ho at?" Joshey10: not here ToolMySweetAss: You look through the keyhole and start to panic. ToolMySweetAss: Its the biggest, angriest black man you have ever laid eyes on. ToolMySweetAss: He kicks in the door before you have a chance to slide the deadbolt. ToolMySweetAss: There you are with his prize whore's head impaled on your cock and his bag of H in your hand. ToolMySweetAss: "Motherfucker, You killed my best ho" ToolMySweetAss: You are speechless. ToolMySweetAss: He tells you that there is a high paying client waiting to fuck that ho, but you have now ruined her. ToolMySweetAss: The only way he will let you live is if you dress up like a girl and let this guy fuck you. Joshey10: eeeeewwwwwww..... Joshey10: NO ToolMySweetAss: Wait a minute. Joshey10: no Joshey10: im not getting fucked ToolMySweetAss: A minute ago I had you licking blood and feces off the fist you just pulled out of a headless, dead hooker’s ass... but NOW I went too far? Joshey10: im not gay ToolMySweetAss: Oh. My bad! So, anyway… 20

ToolMySweetAss: Here you are, covered in the shit and innards of a dead crack whore, fresh from fucking her in her decapitated head. ToolMySweetAss: Her pimp is now standing in front of your naked body and he's pissed off. ToolMySweetAss: He grabs the back of your head like a basketball and pushes it down on his dirty, uncut, stinking black cock. ToolMySweetAss: You take it in your mouth and try not to vomit. Joshey10: no Joshey10: sick ToolMySweetAss: He tells you that in order for him to come, you have to lick his ass. Joshey10: no Joshey10: fuck you ToolMySweetAss: What are you, a racist? Joshey10: no Joshey10: im not gay ToolMySweetAss: I didn't say you LIKED it, did I? Joshey10: no ToolMySweetAss: Do you kill hookers with chainsaws? ToolMySweetAss: No, you don't. But did you get all pissed off when I put it in the fantasy? Previous message was not received by Joshey10: User Joshey10 is not available.

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STRIP POKER Let’s see Norman Chad provide color commentary on this World Series of Poker showdown. NinjaTenchu77885: Hi ToolMySweetAss: How old are you? NinjaTenchu77885: 19 ToolMySweetAss: Cool! Kids don't know how to cyber. NinjaTenchu77885: ok NinjaTenchu77885: so... u wanna play first (it’s my trademark)?? ToolMySweetAss: Sure! What’s your kink? NinjaTenchu77885: whatcha wanna play? NinjaTenchu77885: strip Poker ToolMySweetAss: k NinjaTenchu77885: *draws hand NinjaTenchu77885: k what u got? NinjaTenchu77885: i got high card NinjaTenchu77885: jack ToolMySweetAss: I have two pair, Aces and threes. NinjaTenchu77885: damn NinjaTenchu77885: i guess my pants are leavin town NinjaTenchu77885: Oops no boxers oh well 22

ToolMySweetAss: Ok, deal em up. NinjaTenchu77885: alright NinjaTenchu77885: *hands out cards NinjaTenchu77885: DAMMIT NinjaTenchu77885: i bet the rest of my clothes ToolMySweetAss: I have two deuces, a birthday card, the card from some plumbing company in Miami, and a joker. NinjaTenchu77885: damn NinjaTenchu77885: ok im buck naked u win ToolMySweetAss: One more hand on house credit? NinjaTenchu77885: ok... i lose... sex... if i win... sex... however u like ToolMySweetAss: Ok, I deal. ToolMySweetAss: *shuffles* NinjaTenchu77885: alright ToolMySweetAss: What do you have? NinjaTenchu77885: royal flush ToolMySweetAss: What suit? NinjaTenchu77885: hearts ToolMySweetAss: Ooooh. Tsk Tsk. NinjaTenchu77885: aww damn ToolMySweetAss: See, I also have a royal flush, only mine is in diamonds. ToolMySweetAss: Do you know the rule here?

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NinjaTenchu77885: no ToolMySweetAss: Alphabetical order. NinjaTenchu77885: diamonds rule ToolMySweetAss: Clubs beat diamonds beat hearts beat spades. ToolMySweetAss: You owe the house. NinjaTenchu77885: alright NinjaTenchu77885: well u see im butt naked ToolMySweetAss: *A large Buster Douglas type walks into the room and cracks his knuckles.* ToolMySweetAss: Looks like someone got in over his head! NinjaTenchu77885: oh shit ToolMySweetAss: He palms the back of your head, which at this point is shaking uncontrollably. NinjaTenchu77885: IT CAN BE A THREESOME I DONT CARE ToolMySweetAss: Shut your mouth, fool! ToolMySweetAss: I make the rules here! NinjaTenchu77885: ok ToolMySweetAss: Buster sets you down and unzips his fly. ToolMySweetAss: 13 and a quarter inches of unwashed jungle cock flops out into your face. NinjaTenchu77885: eww ToolMySweetAss: You try to look away but the stink makes you wince. NinjaTenchu77885: *coughs* ToolMySweetAss: I laugh and take off my bra. 24

ToolMySweetAss: My tits flop out like gym socks full of vomit. NinjaTenchu77885: so umm why is this other guy here ToolMySweetAss: "Never make bets you can't afford to lose," I say. I take down my skirt. NinjaTenchu77885: ok ToolMySweetAss: "Shut your pussy white-boy mouth!" says Buster, and you make a little wet in the chair. NinjaTenchu77885: i don’t have to give him head do i? ToolMySweetAss: You may. It's all gonna depend on you. NinjaTenchu77885: no thanks ToolMySweetAss: We're gonna do a little gambling. NinjaTenchu77885: uh huh ToolMySweetAss: I put my beautiful pussy inches from your face. NinjaTenchu77885: I try to lick ToolMySweetAss: Buster smashes you across the mouth with his giant Negroid hand! ToolMySweetAss: ‘You be waitin’, muthafucker!’ NinjaTenchu77885: OW… dammit that hurt NinjaTenchu77885: piss off ToolMySweetAss: Now, my pussy is there on the poker table… right next to the greasy, uncut, unwashed black cock. ToolMySweetAss: You can put it all on red or black on the roulette wheel. ToolMySweetAss: If you win, I am your slave. ToolMySweetAss: Lose, Buster has his way with you. 25

NinjaTenchu77885: and buster cant do a thing about it? ToolMySweetAss: Right. NinjaTenchu77885: if i win? NinjaTenchu77885: ok NinjaTenchu77885: red ToolMySweetAss: Are you nervous? NinjaTenchu77885: what the fuck do you think? ToolMySweetAss: Buster is one angry, stinky, big-dicked motherfucker. NinjaTenchu77885: exactly ToolMySweetAss: Here we go! *spins the wheel, rolls the ball* NinjaTenchu77885: RED RED ToolMySweetAss: It pops into 17… then to 36… and back into 17! NinjaTenchu77885: is that red? ToolMySweetAss: Know what that means? NinjaTenchu77885: huh? ToolMySweetAss: Sorry, my friend. Thanks for playing at the Moulin Rouge. NinjaTenchu77885: bye! ToolMySweetAss: Buster picks you up by the back of your neck. ToolMySweetAss: You shout but it falls on deaf ears. ToolMySweetAss: Your ass cheeks are pried apart and greasy cock is plowed into you. Previous message was not received by NinjaTenchu77885: User NinjaTenchu77885 is not available.

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BUS PASS MrLuva757’s profile says they call him "White Chocolate." I just call him "Mary."

MrLuva757: hey there sexy 18/m with pics here ToolMySweetAss: I'm a 14/f with pussy here! MrLuva757: u got a pic? ToolMySweetAss: Nope. ToolMySweetAss: You're too young anyway. MrLuva757: im about to be 19 ToolMySweetAss: Yeah, but do you know how to fuck? MrLuva757: shit girl i know what to do with my 10 inch tool MrLuva757: trust me i would make u have triple orgasms ToolMySweetAss: That doesn't mean you know how to cyber. MrLuva757: oh i do trust me ToolMySweetAss: What's the kinkiest thing you've done for real? MrLuva757: fucked in a canoe out on the lake ToolMySweetAss: BO-ring. MrLuva757: lol MrLuva757: well what about u? ToolMySweetAss: Ever do a Tijuana Ham Salad?

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MrLuva757: tell me bout it ToolMySweetAss: You get blindfolded, pack a guy’s hairy ass full of ham salad, and eat it while he slowly evacuates his colon. Trick is to stop eating right before you get to the poop. ToolMySweetAss: Kinda tops fucking in a canoe, huh? MrLuva757: well all i wanna know now is when are me and u gonna do that? ToolMySweetAss: What else are you into besides boring summer camp shit? MrLuva757: im into anything baby just name it ToolMySweetAss: I'm looking at your pics and, no offense, you look like a stone-cold faggot. ToolMySweetAss: I mean, seriously. MrLuva757: which ones? ToolMySweetAss: The ones in your profile. ToolMySweetAss: You sure like hanging out with other dudes and flexing, huh? MrLuva757: chill on that MrLuva757: thats my best friend of 12 years ToolMySweetAss: Yeah, you must be real close… to spend that much time shirtless with a camera together. MrLuva757: dayum girl wha i do to u? lol ToolMySweetAss: I wish I was there to do both of you. ToolMySweetAss: But I'm afraid I'd have to stop every 10 seconds to crowbar your cocks from one another’s mouths. MrLuva757: naw chill. my cock would be in your tight pussy

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ToolMySweetAss: Mmmmmm. ToolMySweetAss: My pussy is like wet velvet. ToolMySweetAss: Tell me something kinky you want to try. MrLuva757: and i look sexy too, those were bad pics ToolMySweetAss: Bad pics? You mean the camera made you look like a truck stop queer, shirtless with bleached hair? MrLuva757: lol MrLuva757: can u hear me? ToolMySweetAss: My goodness, you sound dumb as a stick. Turn off the mic or I'll dry up like sand. MrLuva757: dayum girl u are harsh ToolMySweetAss: Now let’s cyber. I'm done with the stupid shit. If I don't come soon I'll go sterile. MrLuva757: aiight baby lets do it then ToolMySweetAss: Tell me something kinky you want to try and don't say "whatever you want." MrLuva757: well first i want u to tie me up completely ToolMySweetAss: Mmmmm. ToolMySweetAss: Yes. ToolMySweetAss: Where are we? MrLuva757: at the park at night MrLuva757: u tie me up butt naked to the bench ToolMySweetAss: Oooooh, the park. Where homos cruise, coincidentally. MrLuva757: lol 29

ToolMySweetAss: OK. I tie you to the bench. You are stripped naked, chest down on the seat, ass exposed to me. ToolMySweetAss: I stand over you with a bamboo cane. MrLuva757: mmmmm i like rough MrLuva757: so what u plannin on doing with that cane? ToolMySweetAss: Your feet are spread a yard apart, both are caught in bear traps, testicles dangling in the cool night air like a wilted bee's nest. ToolMySweetAss: Your hands are tied out at your sides like a backward Christ figure and you await your punishment with an erection that could bust a windshield. MrLuva757: cool breeze is makin my cock get rock hard ToolMySweetAss: Tell me your sins, child, or you will feel the great anger of my staff. MrLuva757: oh im scared frightened with a huge hard on ToolMySweetAss: Then confess. MrLuva757: i confess i want u to hit me with that stick ToolMySweetAss: *brings the stick down across the back of your thigh. The tip breaks and hits your testicle, tearing open your bag.* ToolMySweetAss: Now confess to me. MrLuva757: ughhhh yes is that all u got? ToolMySweetAss: I take the broken tip of the cane and use it to pry apart your ass cheeks. ToolMySweetAss: Are you thirsty? MrLuva757: yes ToolMySweetAss: Beg me for a drink.

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MrLuva757: please give me a drink baby im dieing of thirst please give me a drink ToolMySweetAss: I rustle the bushes near us with my cane. Two park homos scurry out. ToolMySweetAss: I corral one of them and direct him to piss in your mouth. MrLuva757: lol ToolMySweetAss: You drink like a dying man in a Bangkok prison. ToolMySweetAss: Now confess to me. MrLuva757: i confess i want you to untie me and ride me like a Clydesdale horse ToolMySweetAss: I will ride you while you are still tied, thank you. MrLuva757: yes maam ToolMySweetAss: I reach between your legs and jack you off like I am milking a dog. MrLuva757: mmmmmm ToolMySweetAss: You start to quiver, so I take the cane down upon your ass with the might of a Gladiator. MrLuva757: ugh yes baby ToolMySweetAss: Your ass-flesh splits open, blood leaking from you, raw flesh exposed to the night air. MrLuva757: i love it ToolMySweetAss: Your ass is still locked open with the bamboo tip. ToolMySweetAss: As I begin to lube up my own cock for the procedure, your shirtless homo friend appears with an erection himself. ToolMySweetAss: We flip a coin, he gets mouth, I get ass.

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ToolMySweetAss: We begin to tool you as you gag and cry Mother Mary. MrLuva757: aiight this is wack now ToolMySweetAss: But, alas, it is you who will be the *Mary* tonite! MrLuva757: im not a fag ToolMySweetAss: Oh, ok. My bad. ToolMySweetAss: Then let’s say your friend just sits down beside you to wait for a bus. MrLuva757: i want u to suck my big dick right now ToolMySweetAss: I stroke your manhood with my little 14-year-old girl fingers, tickling your torn-open bag and pushing the testicle back inside. ToolMySweetAss: Your shirtless homo friend waits patiently beside you, smoking a cigarette… which he occasionally ashes in your gaping colon. ToolMySweetAss: Finally his bus comes. ToolMySweetAss: When the doors spring open, the bus, loaded with AIDS patients, unloads. And the passengers begin raping you like you were a free happy-hour buffet. ToolMySweetAss: You squeal in ecstasy as your ass drinks up death-cum like a cactus. ToolMySweetAss: (I need some feedback so I can cum too, you know) Previous message was not received by MrLuva757: User MrLuva757 is not available.

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TIMMY IS GOD Timmy IM'd me the previous night to save me from my life of being raped by my father. I was probably too drunk to bait him well, but I was fortunate enough to have him make a follow-up visit. timmygunz572: hey ToolMySweetAss: Wow, you're back. timmygunz572: of course i said i wasn't gonna let u go through this alone ToolMySweetAss: Sorry I had to run last night. My dad came back and was horny again. I had to... you know. timmygunz572: u did it again? timmygunz572: y???? ToolMySweetAss: Well, kinda. timmygunz572: look u need to stop doin' that, the more u do it, the more he's gonna want it, and the more u r gonna get pregnant timmygunz572: i said a big prayer 4 u last night!!!!!!!! ok ToolMySweetAss: It worked! timmygunz572: how? ToolMySweetAss: This morning my Dad and his friend Stoolie gave me an abortion with a Dirt Devil and a shoe-stretcher. ToolMySweetAss: I never felt more relieved. timmygunz572: u have to ask for forgiveness

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ToolMySweetAss: For what? timmygunz572: for everything ToolMySweetAss: For the abortion? timmygunz572: yeah and the other things ToolMySweetAss: Ok. Do you forgive me? timmygunz572: u have to ask GOD for forgiveness, not me timmygunz572: i can't judge u only he can! ToolMySweetAss: You are my God now, Timmy. You're the only one I believe in anymore. timmygunz572: no, look, i am not God, there is only ONE GOD, and he can help u way more then i can, i am only here to help u, maybe GOD sent me to you, i dunno, but u need to be close w/ him ToolMySweetAss: Nope. You're God and you don't want to admit it. Like Batman. timmygunz572: i'm serious i'm not GOD, but i am a christian and i'm here to help u and to help u find the true GOD! ToolMySweetAss: Yesterday I told you that I was looking for a sign from God because my father impregnated me and now I needed an abortion to save me from being my baby’s sister. And "POOF!" Overnight, everything has been taken care of, including my father’s insatiable sexual appetite. And now you are going to try to tell me that you are not God? Come on. I'm smarter than that. ToolMySweetAss: Forgive me Timmy, for I have sinned. timmygunz572: look i am not GOD, but i am one of his followers, and u asked 4 a sign and he sent me to help you, i know it deep w/in me, but i'm not the true GOD, i promise u ToolMySweetAss: If you're not him − but he *sent you* − what color eyes does he have? 34

timmygunz572: brown, y? ToolMySweetAss: Liar. You're God. I won't tell anyone. timmygunz572: no i'm not, but i am one of his children like u r, and i'm here to bring u back to him ToolMySweetAss: Is it wrong to ask you for a Harry Potter book for Christmas? I always wondered if I should just pray for world peace and then hope for the book or if I can just pray to you outright for it. timmygunz572: but i promise u i am not GOD, cause he is amazing, i'm just a nice guy who likes to help people ToolMySweetAss: Should I call you "Our Father" or is it cool to just go with "Timmy" when we're not in public? timmygunz572: harry potter is anti-GOD and is very bad!!! it preaches everything the Bible is against therefore it is wrong to read those books ToolMySweetAss: Harry Potter is the Anti-Christ? My word, I never knew. timmygunz572: i am not GOD!!! I PROMISE, yes, harry potter is anti-christ ToolMySweetAss: I will go down to the Cineplex and throw a Molotov cocktail through the window. In your name, of course. Timmy help us all. timmygunz572: but praise GOD not me, plz ToolMySweetAss: Ok, I get it − wink, wink, you're not God − but I should still stop this Harry Potter thing from steering kids away from you and your word, right? ToolMySweetAss: "And that prophet, or that dreamer of dreams, shall be put to death; because he hath spoken to turn you away from the LORD your God..." (Deuteronomy 13: 5) ToolMySweetAss: Which one should I put to death, the author or the actor or just anyone who comes to the matinee? timmygunz572: i'm not god!!

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timmygunz572: i promise u timmygunz572: i'm just here to help u w/your problems timmygunz572: think of me as a person who u can talk to ToolMySweetAss: OK I'm sorry. Let's pretend you're not God. Who do you think God thinks I should put to death on this whole Harry Potter issue? ToolMySweetAss: God? Are you there? timmygunz572: cause timmygunz572: its the devil tryin' to take over the world ToolMySweetAss: Wow, for a second there… there was only one set of footprints in my kitchen. timmygunz572: the world is gonna come to an end very soon, and the devil is tryin' to get as many people as he can before then ToolMySweetAss: Via Harry Potter. I'm with you. Go ahead. timmygunz572: the earth is not gonna be here much longer, and i'm tryin' to help u find GOD before that happens so that u can be saved timmygunz572: that's y u have to ask him for forgiveness, seriously timmygunz572: what's your first name again? ToolMySweetAss: I have asked forgiveness (see above). Now I have to deal with this Harry Potter thing. My Dad is taking me to the matinee (he said we could "sit in the back"). timmygunz572: u tell him NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! timmygunz572: u don't wanna C it!!!!!!!!!! or sit in the back!!!!!!!!! timmygunz572: do it for me!!!!!!! plz ToolMySweetAss: Now that I know he's the anti-Christ, I know I have to take action. For you... For God. timmygunz572: !!!!!! 36

ToolMySweetAss: But those mine enemies, which would not that I should reign over them, bring hither, and slay them before me." (Luke 19:27) ToolMySweetAss: So, I'll slay them for you just like your buddy, Luke, said. Was Luke a Taurus? timmygunz572: and plz do not have a sexual relationship w/ him anymore, ok!!!!!! ToolMySweetAss: Who, my Dad or Harry Potter? I'm confused. timmygunz572: your dad!! timmygunz572: what's your e-mail address? ToolMySweetAss: Dear Lord. Will you please IM me asap regarding this whole "Slay Harry Potter and anyone who goes to the 1:40 p.m. matinee showing at the Eastbrook Cineplex” issue? Amen. timmygunz572: don't go to it! ok timmygunz572: what's your e-mail address? ToolMySweetAss: See! I *knew* you were God! timmygunz572: don't go and don't do anything else w/your dad, ok promise me that ToolMySweetAss: My Dad said not to give out my email to anybody because creeps hang out on the internet. But I guess if you are really God it wouldn't be wrong. timmygunz572: promise me that u and your dad won't do anything else sexual ok!! ToolMySweetAss: How can I not do stuff with my Dad? Unless I explain to him that I chatted with Our Lord and Savior on AIM. I guess you want to keep a low profile so everybody doesn't keep jamming up your Buddy List trying to get Christmas presents, huh.

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timmygunz572: i need u to promise me cause its wrong to do that!!! and u know it timmygunz572: u don't want GOD to look down on u do u? timmygunz572: r u there? ToolMySweetAss: But God says to slay anyone who doesn't believe in him. I just gave you one of many quotes. ToolMySweetAss: "And the man that committeth adultery with another man's wife, even he that committeth adultery with his neighbour's wife, the adulterer and the adulteress shall surely be put to death. And the man that lieth with his father's wife hath uncovered his father's nakedness: both of them shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them." (Leviticus 20:10-11) timmygunz572: then promise me and to GOD that u won’t do anything w/ him again, ok ToolMySweetAss: So, since my Dad cheated on my Mom with me, who gets put to death? timmygunz572: GOD will forgive u if u ask forgivness!!! timmygunz572: he will if u ask for forgivness, ok ToolMySweetAss: That doesn't answer my question. Lord. Who gets put to death? timmygunz572: he will be punished more then u will, if u ask 4 forgiveness timmygunz572: he will be put to death if u ask for forgivness ToolMySweetAss: Um, I don't want to get into an argument with Jesus Christ, himself, over the Internet, but that passage clearly states that adulterers get the death penalty. No ifs, ands or temporary insanity involved. ToolMySweetAss: So should I kill him? ToolMySweetAss: Because death for rape isn't really an eye for an eye. It’s more like an eye for an ear. Or possibly a digit. 38

timmygunz572: no u let GOD take care of that. "Revenge is mine, not your own" timmygunz572: but its wrong to do that w/someone so young and especially since u r his daughter ToolMySweetAss: Ok, now I'm in a world of poop. Check this out. ToolMySweetAss: "If a man find a damsel that is a virgin, who is not betrothed, and lay hold on her, and lie with her, and they be found; then the man that lay with her shall give unto the damsel's father fifty shekels of silvers, and she shall be his wife; because he hath humbled her, he may not put her away all his days." (Deuteronomy 22:28-29) timmygunz572: here's my e-mail address, [email protected] ToolMySweetAss: Oh, I tried [email protected] and it came back. timmygunz572: i'm not GOD timmygunz572: i'm a helper timmygunz572: sent from GOD ToolMySweetAss: Anyhoo, that passage says that if you have sex with a virgin − like my Dad did with me - that he has to pay the father − which is himself − 50 shekels and then marry her − which would be me. ToolMySweetAss: So where can my Dad exchange dollars to shekels? timmygunz572: its different cause u r his daughter, that is talkin' about it u and another guy did it ToolMySweetAss: Rules are rules. timmygunz572: rules r changed ToolMySweetAss: God changed the rules in the Bible? Wow, you'd think that would have gotten better press.

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timmygunz572: i gotta get off of here, but plz e-mail me, ok!!!!!! if u ever need anything and plz promise me that u will stop doin' those things w/ your dad, ok ToolMySweetAss: Ok, but I should still kill Harry Potter, right? timmygunz572: your names brenda right? ToolMySweetAss: and after my Dad marries me and pays himself 50 shekels, i can have sex with him if only to procreate, right? ToolMySweetAss: Brenda. Right. But you knew that. You're God. timmygunz572: do not have any more sex ToolMySweetAss: Until we're married. Gotcha. timmygunz572: no u can't marry your dad ToolMySweetAss: What time is good to pray to you, anyway? I'm not really a morning person. timmygunz572: plz e-mail me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ok!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ToolMySweetAss: Yes, my Lord. I will. timmygunz572: pray to GOD anytime!!!!!!!!! he's alwayz listening ToolMySweetAss: At that email address. Got it. timmygunz572: which address? ToolMySweetAss: The one you gave me. God's “secret” email. I won't tell anyone. timmygunz572: bye ToolMySweetAss: Amen. Previous message was not received by timmygunz572: User timmygunz572 is not available. ToolMySweetAss: God is temporarily unavailable. 40

CHAPTER TWO:

PorkPipeAnnie

Name: Annie Culdter Address: City: Rawlins State/Country: WY Interests: Childbirth, Knitting, Dating, Erotica Other: I may be only 13, but I have the sexual experience of a 22-year-old! So if you are younger than 22: Leave Me Alone! LOL. I want a guy who knows how he likes his cybersex!

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SHOP CLASS He left before I had Huck Finn and Nigger Jim join the rape.

shaggyx669: do you cyber PorkPipeAnnie: Did you read my profile? shaggyx669: ya, im 21 shaggyx669: and horny as shit shaggyx669: so you want to cyber PorkPipeAnnie: Then why did you ask if I cyber, if you already read my profile that specifically says I like to cyber? PorkPipeAnnie: Are you a moron? shaggyx669: no, i was just checkin because a lot of people say that and dont PorkPipeAnnie: Oh, ok. shaggyx669: so do you want to PorkPipeAnnie: So tell me about yourself, Tits McGee. shaggyx669: im 6'2, 225, dirty blond hair, blue eyes, built shaggyx669: i go to a tech school for computers PorkPipeAnnie: Tell me more! I love to learn about people... and then suck their cocks! shaggyx669: what else would you like to know PorkPipeAnnie: Where do you live? 42

PorkPipeAnnie: What's the last book you read? shaggyx669: i live in virginia shaggyx669: adventures of huck finn PorkPipeAnnie: What’s your favorite part of fucking 13-year-old girls? shaggyx669: that i know theyre not dirty, and they scream loud PorkPipeAnnie: Did you find Injun Joe to be a metaphor for death and reawakening? shaggyx669: i haven’t finished the book yet PorkPipeAnnie: Really? Elaborate on what you've discerned thus far and after I'll let you fuck my splatter-gasket. shaggyx669: well ive gotten to the part where jim and huck are goin down the mississipi and pick up 2 con artists PorkPipeAnnie: Talking literature makes my pussy steam like a vapor maker. shaggyx669: are you horny enough to start to cyber shaggyx669: cause i know i am PorkPipeAnnie: No, first I want to know what parallels you have found the author to have made to the social and political climate of the day. PorkPipeAnnie: Then I want you to tool my fuck-box like a retarded monkey. shaggyx669: i think hes saying how people just need to learn that what color you are shouldnt matter when it comes to friends and society as a whole. shaggyx669: you ready now PorkPipeAnnie: Ok, but let’s cyber in German! shaggyx669: i dont know german

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PorkPipeAnnie: Aber becklecker nicht das sofa! PorkPipeAnnie: Fich mich, du miserable hurensohn! shaggyx669: what PorkPipeAnnie: Da! Da! shaggyx669: please speak english PorkPipeAnnie: Schwienker uten mein glommenßher! shaggyx669: please PorkPipeAnnie: Oh, well what other language do you speak? PorkPipeAnnie: If you're stupid we could settle for Spanish. shaggyx669: none, i have been outta high school for 3 years and havent spoken any in a while shaggyx669: how bout english PorkPipeAnnie: I want you to fuck my ass but I'm tired of just typing "Oh, yeah, fuck my ass." PorkPipeAnnie: BO-ring. PorkPipeAnnie: Make it interesting or I'm going to have to find some sadistic kraut to corn-pile me in the tongue of the Fatherland. shaggyx669: i want u 2 stick 4 fingers in ur pussy and start masturbating shaggyx669: tell me how it feels PorkPipeAnnie: Booooooring! shaggyx669: then ill make it worth ur while shaggyx669: how does that sound PorkPipeAnnie: I can put a shoe in there and still rattle it around like a spray paint can. 44

shaggyx669: do what u want just make it really sexual and tell me how ur doin it, and ill make it worth ur wild shaggyx669: hows that??? PorkPipeAnnie: Ok, let’s say we're in shop class. shaggyx669: ok PorkPipeAnnie: Mr Ungerwhilde is the teacher, but he's drunk again and passed out under the desk. shaggyx669: ok PorkPipeAnnie: The whole room reeks of urine and it’s making me HOT! shaggyx669: ok PorkPipeAnnie: I am showing you how to build a bird cage. shaggyx669: ok PorkPipeAnnie: I did most of the work for you because I saw you were still reading Huck Finn at 21 and assumed you were a special student. shaggyx669: lol, ok PorkPipeAnnie: I am real hot so I decide to get naked. shaggyx669: k PorkPipeAnnie: Do you like my breasts? shaggyx669: o hell ya PorkPipeAnnie: I tell you we can't fuck ‘till after you finish your bird cage. shaggyx669: ok PorkPipeAnnie: I've told you this every day for a month, but you are a numbskull and can't figure out how to tie your own shoes. shaggyx669: ok 45

PorkPipeAnnie: I get frustrated and put your head in the vise. PorkPipeAnnie: I clamp it real tight so you can't move. shaggyx669: thats gonna hurt PorkPipeAnnie: I pull down your pants and caress your hairy balls. PorkPipeAnnie: Yes, it's going to hurt. shaggyx669: oo PorkPipeAnnie: But sometimes you need a little pain in order to learn a lesson. shaggyx669: i know, keep goin PorkPipeAnnie: I gently pull your balls back between your legs and tuck them up near your ass-pipe. shaggyx669: ok PorkPipeAnnie: I get down in front of you, your beautiful cock staring me right in the face. shaggyx669: ok PorkPipeAnnie: I open my mouth in a perfect "O" like a blow-up doll. PorkPipeAnnie: Then I hear: "Kelli-Ann!!! WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING?" PorkPipeAnnie: It's Mr. Ungerwhilde! He's awake and surly! shaggyx669: ok PorkPipeAnnie: He steams over to our work bench and grabs me by the hair. shaggyx669: ok PorkPipeAnnie: He lays me down on the table, puts a fresh coat of 3-in-1 oil on my potato and slams his fist so far up my cunt I can nibble the hair off his knuckles! 46

shaggyx669: ok PorkPipeAnnie: You squirm to protect me but he catches you. PorkPipeAnnie: He cuts off your hands with a band saw so you can’t free yourself shaggyx669: no more jerkin off, lol PorkPipeAnnie: He takes your balls that are pulled between your legs and yanks them! shaggyx669: oww PorkPipeAnnie: He plants one foot on your ass and pulls your balls with two hands ‘till they tear free! PorkPipeAnnie: He's a big, bear-like man with foul breath and thick spectacles. shaggyx669: ok PorkPipeAnnie: The sight of blood spurting from out where your balls used to be sends him spinning into a frenzy. shaggyx669: i bet PorkPipeAnnie: He pulls out his cock and it looks like an Irish shillelagh, all twisted and knotty, a foot long if it’s an inch. shaggyx669: k PorkPipeAnnie: It’s got an extra head on the side of it. shaggyx669: eww. lol PorkPipeAnnie: Not a penis head, an angry, conjoined fetus-baby head with teeth and bad breath. shaggyx669: lol

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PorkPipeAnnie: He grabs hold of your spine with a three-pronged gardening claw and jams his whole cock into your waiting rectum without even giving you a moment to pray or scream out. PorkPipeAnnie: You beg him to stop but at the same time you are enjoying it. shaggyx669: are you masturbating PorkPipeAnnie: In a way, yes I am. shaggyx669: how are you masturbating PorkPipeAnnie: I am masturbating with my right hand fully wrapped around my cock. PorkPipeAnnie: Did you come already? shaggyx669: not yet that made me stop for a sec. but im continuing now PorkPipeAnnie: Mmmmmm. PorkPipeAnnie: Tell me what you'd do to me if I were there. shaggyx669: id bend you over and ram my dick in your ass as hard as i could and hold on to your hips so i didnt pull out shaggyx669: what would you do to me if i was there PorkPipeAnnie: Wait. I think I just wrote an entire novel. You give me one sentence and try to lob it back into my court? PorkPipeAnnie: Fuck you. Selfish prick. PorkPipeAnnie: Gimme something to jack off to. PorkPipeAnnie: My dick is hard too, you know. PorkPipeAnnie: And remember to include the bald spots on either side of your head from where the apes tore your head out of the vise. Previous message was not received by shaggyx669: User shaggyx669 is not available. 48

SHIT BAIT "South Park" broke new ground when they were allowed to say "SHIT" on the air and took full advantage. Here we pay homage.

GregBB22: a/s/l? PorkPipeAnnie: Did I give you enough time to read my profile? PorkPipeAnnie: Greg? PorkPipeAnnie: Hello? GregBB22: god damn GregBB22: do you have sand in your vagina or something GregBB22: im watching tv now, you have to wait GregBB22: k 5 mins more PorkPipeAnnie: Oh fuck I'm gonna come... PorkPipeAnnie: Oh Jesus, I can't wait... PorkPipeAnnie: OHFUCKFUCKFUCKOOOOOOOOOWWWW PorkPipeAnnie: *shudders* PorkPipeAnnie: Good Grief. GregBB22: oh baby wait for me please i want to fuck your tight pussy GregBB22: k im back GregBB22: now what do you want to do PorkPipeAnnie: Sorry. I just lost it all over my Dad’s office chair.

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PorkPipeAnnie: I'm only good for once a night. GregBB22: oh please don’t i want to make love to you PorkPipeAnnie: Not as much as you want to watch TV, evidently. PorkPipeAnnie: What show was it, anyway? GregBB22: im sorry but south park was on and i like that show. Today was a special PorkPipeAnnie: Oh, was it the episode where they say "shit?” GregBB22: yea where they say shit -- it was funny PorkPipeAnnie: Did you like it? GregBB22: i guess it was funny, after a while though it started to become just redundant PorkPipeAnnie: They had a counter where it showed how many times they said "shit," huh? GregBB22: yea, do you like that show? i wanna get into your tight pussy GregBB22: you better appreciate this damnit cus i'm missing taxicab confessions PorkPipeAnnie: Shit yes! And I guess I could get one more tremor outta this old pussy! PorkPipeAnnie: Let’s get to the shit! GregBB22: old? i thought you had a young firm pussy. PorkPipeAnnie: My shit is the bomb. GregBB22: OK. i right away grab your tight small breasts and press my fingers against your vagina GregBB22: now you talk PorkPipeAnnie: You mind fucking me up the shitter? 50

PorkPipeAnnie: That’s the shit that I like. PorkPipeAnnie: I want to bend way down and see your hard shit going right up my shit-hole. GregBB22: ok i fuck you in your shitter GregBB22: i put my penis inside your ass and start churning it GregBB22: yea i like your tight ass, say something PorkPipeAnnie: My shit is so tight that I can barely shit, much less get your big cock in me. PorkPipeAnnie: It hurts like shit when you fuck my shitter. GregBB22: thats OK ‘cause im still soft… so i put my soft cock in your ass and start moving it around GregBB22: ok now you squeeze so i get hard PorkPipeAnnie: Yeah, that’s the shit. GregBB22: k squeeze PorkPipeAnnie: You can feel yourself getting hard as shit in me, slowly going up my shit canal. GregBB22: yeah, i go up your cavity and i get big and hard inside your tight hole GregBB22: oh i like it the young hole, so i grab your breasts PorkPipeAnnie: I squeeze my shit and you can feel the angry nose of a log of shit sniff the end of your cock like two dogs meeting. GregBB22: i fuck you in your ass, yeah GregBB22: i dont mind if you shit on me you know, it happened before with my girlfriend

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GregBB22: but accidentally so i dont care PorkPipeAnnie: Mmmmm. Tell me about it. It makes my pussy hot as shit to hear about shitting on someone. GregBB22: ok well i was fucking her in her ass on our bed and she liked it at first you know? PorkPipeAnnie: Mmmm. You are the shit. GregBB22: but then she started screaming, saying it’s too tight that she felt like she was going to rip open or something PorkPipeAnnie: Ain't that some shit? GregBB22: and then i felt something hard and warm on my dick and i pull out and i see she shit on my dick PorkPipeAnnie: Holy Shit! GregBB22: yea i know GregBB22: ok can we fuck again please PorkPipeAnnie: That's some fucked-up shit. PorkPipeAnnie: Ok, let’s get back to the serious shit. GregBB22: ok now i move my hand into your vagina putting in 4 fingers GregBB22: sorry if my sentences sound bad im learning english still PorkPipeAnnie: Your big shit-drill is poking me in the shitter and touching the waiting shit-log in my shit trench. PorkPipeAnnie: What kinda language do you speak otherwise, Shitstain? GregBB22: i normally speak indonesan but im new to this country PorkPipeAnnie: No shit? What part of Indonesia? GregBB22: ok now i move my dick in your ass harder and faster to make me hard 52

GregBB22: i lived in Faldonha for 16 years PorkPipeAnnie: What a shithole. Go ahead. GregBB22: but then after i was 16 i became a exchange student in london GregBB22: now i come to america i am 22 GregBB22: ok i jiggle my soft dick inside you trying to get hard PorkPipeAnnie: So now you are tooling my shit-basket with your purpleknobbed divining rod of shit. PorkPipeAnnie: My whole shitter is opened up so wide you can see a month’s worth of shit. The turds have become angry and irritated like a mob of revolutionaries in your country. GregBB22: ok i keep fucking at your ass sticking some fingers inside too GregBB22: ok please dont shit if you dont have to please GregBB22: i dont like shit on my dick PorkPipeAnnie: My shit starts to push your shit out of my shitter like the Indo-chine mobs at a police barracks. PorkPipeAnnie: Sorry, I'm not trying to ruin this shit for you. GregBB22: oh its ok i guess GregBB22: if you cant help it GregBB22: ok now i take my dick out and let you shit first GregBB22: but i finger you in your vagina meanwhile looking for your clitoris PorkPipeAnnie: So now you get scared and you look inside my ass to see this avalanche of shit about to pour out onto your sheets. GregBB22: not on the sheets please dont

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GregBB22: cant you wait for the bathroom? PorkPipeAnnie: It makes a grumbling sound like all hell is breaking loose in one big shitty shit-wall of shit. PorkPipeAnnie: I say "Oh shit!" − oddly enough − and run for the shitter. GregBB22: ok now i clean up ok PorkPipeAnnie: Shit trails out of me and covers your bed, sheets, floor and toilet in shit. GregBB22: i clean off my dick with the pillow GregBB22: ok now come back to bed GregBB22: oh no. GregBB22: why cant you wait to shit! PorkPipeAnnie: Eeeew! That’s some sick shit. GregBB22: WHY CAN’T YOU WAIT! GregBB22: damnit I SAY WAIT NOT SHIT! GregBB22: ugggggg PorkPipeAnnie: Ok, I'll leave my shitter all full of shit. PorkPipeAnnie: So go ahead. PorkPipeAnnie: My pussy is hot as shit right now. You are good at this shit. GregBB22: ok now i go back to you GregBB22: and now i begin to put my dick inside your pussy GregBB22: i love your tight pussy it feels nice and good PorkPipeAnnie: Ya, I love the way you write this shit. GregBB22: no more ass ok GregBB22: cus ass you do shit 54

GregBB22: and i dont like shit PorkPipeAnnie: OK, put your shit right in my pussy. GregBB22: ok Im fucking at your pussy hard and constant PorkPipeAnnie: Can I sit on your face or are you not into that kind of shit? GregBB22: well... GregBB22: are you sure you wont shit though? GregBB22: cus.. GregBB22: that i dont like PorkPipeAnnie: I don’t plan on shitting. PorkPipeAnnie: That would be a shitty thing to do. GregBB22: ok as long as you promise GregBB22: i lay down on my back with my face up GregBB22: now sit down baby so i lick your pussy PorkPipeAnnie: So I sit up on your face and push my shaved 13-year-old pussy right down on your purple Indo-face, rubbing it hard as shit over your bloated tongue. GregBB22: ohhhyaaaa GregBB22: dont stop baby you are hot GregBB22: i bite or nibble at your vagina lips gently PorkPipeAnnie: I have your arms pinned under my knees so you can't do shit. GregBB22: ok im biting your vagina GregBB22: yummyummy

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PorkPipeAnnie: You look up and see a shit-eating grin on my face. PorkPipeAnnie: You know that the shit is about to hit the fan. GregBB22: oh no GregBB22: dont you dare dont you dare dont you dare GregBB22: ok now i no like this so i move my face to the side PorkPipeAnnie: I am built like a brick shithouse and your cock is like iron, if iron were shit. GregBB22: now i push you off of my face GregBB22: cus you no shit on me again GregBB22: not again like you did before NO GregBB22: ok? NO PorkPipeAnnie: Hey, relax! I aint got time for this shit. GregBB22: ok then PorkPipeAnnie: I am starting to feel an orgasm come through my body like shit through a goose. GregBB22: ok now put your pussy on my face again so i can lick it up PorkPipeAnnie: You stick your tongue out and the excitement opens up my brown eye as though it was watching a scary movie. PorkPipeAnnie: And shit. GregBB22: yummyummy im waiting for you to explode PorkPipeAnnie: You open your mouth just at the wrong time and I release a long stream of bubbling baby shit into your shit-muncher. PorkPipeAnnie: As I am shitting into your mouth, I let go a load from deep in my testicles that scares the shit out of you. GregBB22: OH NO 56

PorkPipeAnnie: It makes you shit all over your shitty bed. GregBB22: STUpid BITCHJ! GregBB22: STUPID BITFH! GregBB22: no I tell you no and you do ! GregBB22: why? The fuck you do it!? PorkPipeAnnie: I start to take your shit and shit in your shittty shit shit shit shit. GregBB22: No you do not shit and you shit GregBB22: NO SHIT GregBB22: WHY YOU FUCKKING SHIT!!!! GregBB22: No more PorkPipeAnnie: Shit is flying and you take a shit on shit shitter shittery shit shit. GregBB22: I am dont no more with you you GregBB22: No more, Bye no PorkPipeAnnie: Shitty shitty shitsicle. GregBB22: No! Damnit GregBB22: bye PorkPipeAnnie: My cock is covered in your shit and it makes my shit shit shit. GregBB22: cock? GregBB22: what cock you no have cock before GregBB22: no no no

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GregBB22: first you shit now cock? PorkPipeAnnie: Mmmmmm. You are the best at this shit. GregBB22: No More no MORE PorkPipeAnnie: What's your problem, Mr Shitty? GregBB22: I tell you no and you do yes GregBB22: NO GregBB22: i am going bye PorkPipeAnnie: (114 shits) Previous message was not received by GregBB22: User GregBB22 is not available.

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JAIL BAIT "Oz" was never this graphic.

wertPoo9: hey, nice profile wertPoo9: you seem like my kinda girl PorkPipeAnnie: Thanks. You seem like my kinda baited. wertPoo9: so you enjoy cybering with older men? PorkPipeAnnie: Only older men. Young guys get all jizzing in their shorts too quick without making sure you're done. wertPoo9: i remember those days wertPoo9: so, how big are your tits? PorkPipeAnnie: How old are you, Pops? wertPoo9: i'm 24 PorkPipeAnnie: Tell me all about yourself. Save dick size for last. wertPoo9: i'm 6'2" 184 lbs wertPoo9: green eyes wertPoo9: wavey blonde hair wertPoo9: nice body PorkPipeAnnie: Tell me about you! wertPoo9: like what i like to do?

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PorkPipeAnnie: Your hopes, your dreams, your revelations… from 24 years on this wonderful Earth! Tell me! PorkPipeAnnie: Then I'll suck your cock real hard! wertPoo9: i hope to finish my law degree in the next few years wertPoo9: i want to marry a beautiful woman someday and have kids... family stuff, maybe even a dog PorkPipeAnnie: Well at least you learned what’s important. Now what do you say you fuck my 13-year-old ass! I need it like I need a hug. And a father figure. wertPoo9: i would love to wertPoo9: i just was wondering, how big are your tits for being 13? PorkPipeAnnie: Real big! PorkPipeAnnie: I have to wear a brace because of them or I won't walk right when I get older. PorkPipeAnnie: I have really bad scoliosis. PorkPipeAnnie: I walk like a monkey as it is. wertPoo9: so, where would you like to do it sweety? PorkPipeAnnie: In the back of the police station. I am the girl booking you, and you try to strike a deal! PorkPipeAnnie: You start! wertPoo9: i sit you down and begin to slowly slide your pants off PorkPipeAnnie: Hey, dick, did you even read what I wrote? wertPoo9: what? PorkPipeAnnie: You don't just slide off my pants! PorkPipeAnnie: I am a female officer and I have you handcuffed in the back of the police station. 60

wertPoo9: ok PorkPipeAnnie: You are at my mercy and try to cut a deal. Now role-play or beat it. PorkPipeAnnie: Try again. wertPoo9: hey honey, if you let me out of these handcuffs i can make it worth your while PorkPipeAnnie: Not a chance, baby-raper. Now get up against that wall so I can check your pockets for contraband. wertPoo9: do me a favor and move your hand to the left PorkPipeAnnie: Wow, what’s this in your pocket? Are you trying to smuggle in a wart-riddled banana half? PorkPipeAnnie: That’s gonna cost you! wertPoo9: it's been a long time since it's been touched PorkPipeAnnie: I bring you into the drunk tank and cuff you to the metal bunk. wertPoo9: oh come on PorkPipeAnnie: I say "Of course, it's been a long time, Creepo! Have you looked in a mirror lately?" wertPoo9: are you just gonna leave me like this? PorkPipeAnnie: No, first I am going to take down your pants! PorkPipeAnnie: I pull your slacks down over your dimpled fat-ass cheeks. PorkPipeAnnie: There is a stench… because you drew mud when you first heard the sirens. wertPoo9: what so you can have Bubba come rape me in my sleep? PorkPipeAnnie: Yes, you may be raped. It's jail. That happens.

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PorkPipeAnnie: But not until I am done with you! wertPoo9: in your case, you can't rape the willing PorkPipeAnnie: I place your swollen cock between my thumb and forefinger like it's day-old poop. PorkPipeAnnie: I set it on the hard edge of the metal bunk. wertPoo9: the cold feels good PorkPipeAnnie: You shiver from the cold steel. PorkPipeAnnie: I raise my baton up over my head and come crashing down on your dirty cock! PorkPipeAnnie: SLAM! wertPoo9: ahw!!!! PorkPipeAnnie: The head is torn clean off! wertPoo9: what the hell are you doing? PorkPipeAnnie: Blood spurts from the recoiling shaft! You yelp like a wounded puppy! PorkPipeAnnie: I grab your balls and heave them up from behind you, in between your fat white thighs. wertPoo9: right... PorkPipeAnnie: You begin to vomit! PorkPipeAnnie: (I am so close to coming, please keep responding!) wertPoo9: you got problems little girl! PorkPipeAnnie: I peel your ass cheeks apart and am caught with the shit smell of a thousand dying, evacuating camels. PorkPipeAnnie: It doesn't stop me. wertPoo9: how do you get off from chopping off a guys cock? 62

PorkPipeAnnie: I pull out 10 and a half inches of syphilitic horse cock and jam it into your unwashed ass! PorkPipeAnnie: (Just play along, and I'll get you off in a second) wertPoo9: you have serious problems PorkPipeAnnie: By now, all the drunken Indians have stirred from their Sterno-induced hallucinations and are standing around you. PorkPipeAnnie: They masturbate onto your back as you bellow from the horrible ass pain! PorkPipeAnnie: (I'll suck your cock with my girl-mouth in just a second) wertPoo9: what, you mean half my cock? wertPoo9: with the blood and everything? PorkPipeAnnie: Just then your mother walks in to bail you out! PorkPipeAnnie: (No, I'll suck it however you like) PorkPipeAnnie: Your mother screams for your freedom but I explain to her that you are a dirty pedophile that likes to molest 13-year-old girls on the internet! PorkPipeAnnie: She sees my point and straps on the big black cock that she “normally” uses to fuck your dad! PorkPipeAnnie: Slam! She comes into the cell, kicks out your teeth and fucks your bloody mouth while I continue to assault your ass! PorkPipeAnnie: You begin to lose control of your bowels. Shit sprays everywhere, making the Indians hard again. PorkPipeAnnie: Did you come yet? Previous message was not received by wertPoo9: User wertPoo9 is not available.

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CHAPTER THREE:

CyberOnWheels

Name: Brenda Yelvington Address: City: N. Las Vegas State/Country: NV Interests: Boxing Parenting Astrology Christianity Romance Other: Hi! I'm Brenda, I'm 12 and I am HELL ON WHEELS when it comes to CYBER!!! A lot of people would let a disability slow them down but not me! Older guys only, I don't have time to train. So if you're under 20… Don't Even Bother Me!

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15 INCHES OF BULLSHIT This guy sent a picture of an obviously Photoshopped cock in his hand. I didn’t even know what Photoshop was at the time, but I know bullshit when I see it. SullyZ2K: hey sexy, 21/m/ny CyberOnWheels: Hi Sully! SullyZ2K: are you really hell on wheels for cybering with older guys? CyberOnWheels: Heck ya! CyberOnWheels: How old are you? SullyZ2K: 21 CyberOnWheels: Wow, that’s pretty young. CyberOnWheels: You sure you know how to cyber? SullyZ2K: your 12? CyberOnWheels: Yeppers! CyberOnWheels: But I suck cock like a 15 yr old. SullyZ2K: you suck cock? CyberOnWheels: Heck ya! CyberOnWheels: When I can get it. SullyZ2K: how many times have you sucked dick? CyberOnWheels: Shit, I dunno. How many times have you jacked off? SullyZ2K: not many, when you have a 15 inch cock, it gets sucked a lot CyberOnWheels: Sure you do.

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CyberOnWheels: And I have two working legs. SullyZ2K: I have a pic of it CyberOnWheels: Send it on! SullyZ2K wants to directly connect. SullyZ2K is now directly connected. SullyZ2K: (sends photo) CyberOnWheels: That’s sooooo not real. You can’t even fake a picture well. CyberOnWheels: Like I've never seen a Colossal Combos porn. SullyZ2K: what r u talkin about? CyberOnWheels: Show me a picture of it without boxers on. CyberOnWheels: No, I didnt think so. SullyZ2K: sorry, I only have one, that is all me SullyZ2K: I cant believe you think it's fake CyberOnWheels: C'mon, Dirk Diggler. Grow up. SullyZ2K: you probably couldn't handle my big cock, can you handle 15 inches? CyberOnWheels: I could handle two feet if I wanted. CyberOnWheels: I am paralyzed from the neck down. SullyZ2K: yeah right CyberOnWheels: Didn't you read my profile? SullyZ2K: yeah, it says disability CyberOnWheels: You could put your whole leg in my pussy and I wouldn't take my eyes off The Ricki Lake Show. SullyZ2K: wow CyberOnWheels: But I can suck a dick like nobody's business. 66

CyberOnWheels: Just ask Tom the orderly. CyberOnWheels: So who took that picture? SullyZ2K: my ex- girlfriend, she was obsessed with it SullyZ2K: she had some in her mouth and still fit both her hands on the shaft CyberOnWheels: No offense, but you look incredibly gay. SullyZ2K: are you serious? CyberOnWheels: I mean like a serious, theater-going, rainbow-sticker homo. SullyZ2K: what the hell is wrong with you, I'm a 21 year old with a 15 inch cock SullyZ2K: I've fucked more women than you can imagine CyberOnWheels: You are a kid who looks queer and has a dildo. CyberOnWheels: Hmmmm. CyberOnWheels: I bet you can suck your own dick, huh? SullyZ2K: I bet you've never sucked cock, let alone be the best cock sucker SullyZ2K: I've never tried CyberOnWheels: Well... try. CyberOnWheels: I'll hold. SullyZ2K: that's alright, you couldn't get me hard CyberOnWheels: You mean, because of my disability? SullyZ2K: no, could you suck my 15 inches good? CyberOnWheels: Yes I could suck it very well. You just have to bring it up level with my mouth and take the bilge-pump out of my mouth.

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CyberOnWheels: It's like a dentist’s siphon. I use it so I don't drool on myself. SullyZ2K: how big have you sucked? CyberOnWheels: I don’t have a complete lower jaw so I don't suck so much as I give a hand-job with my mouth. CyberOnWheels: Reynaldo, my last man-nurse, was pretty big but I didn’t measure. SullyZ2K: guess CyberOnWheels: Prolly half as big as the dildo you have in your boxers. CyberOnWheels: How tall are you? SullyZ2K: 6'1'' CyberOnWheels: Wow. Do you wanna fuck me in the ass? CyberOnWheels: A lot of guys do cuz I can’t feel it. SullyZ2K: tight ass? CyberOnWheels: Reynaldo did me in the slop-hole so much I started shitting myself and not even knowing it but for the stink. CyberOnWheels: I guess not. SullyZ2K: wow, nice, swallow my cum? CyberOnWheels: What’s it taste like? SullyZ2K: you dunno? CyberOnWheels: Everyone is different. SullyZ2K: I've been told mine is good CyberOnWheels: Did you have brain surgery? SullyZ2K: ummmmm, no 68

CyberOnWheels: Then why do you have that haircut? SullyZ2K: it was during summer, I always do that CyberOnWheels: I figure it’s so you don’t get your own cum stuck in your hair. CyberOnWheels: Did you ever forget to pull out of your own mouth? SullyZ2K: yeah, whatever, how far can you stick it in your mouth? CyberOnWheels: Well all the way, I guess. SullyZ2K: 15 inches? CyberOnWheels: Sure. I have no uvula, no gag reflex. CyberOnWheels: I had mouth cancer, hence the lack of lower jaw, tongue and uvula. CyberOnWheels: It spread to my spine and paralyzed me. CyberOnWheels: I also have Septic Plasma Syndrome. SullyZ2K: and you've had men? SullyZ2K: you suck cock with all of that? CyberOnWheels: Lots of men. SullyZ2K: and they like it from you? CyberOnWheels: I told you it’s not so much sucking as it is rubbing the leathery roof of my mouth over it. CyberOnWheels: But it evidently rocks. SullyZ2K: you dont know how long you've had? CyberOnWheels: I let Seamus come in my feeding tube and it caused an embolism.

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CyberOnWheels: I don’t know how to spell embolism and it makes me feel bad for using it. CyberOnWheels: How long a cock? SullyZ2K: yeah CyberOnWheels: Reynaldo’s was the same size as a stillborn baby born two months premature. CyberOnWheels: And isn't it ironic? SullyZ2K: a baby? CyberOnWheels: Ya. Well kinda. SullyZ2K: long as the baby? CyberOnWheels: A stillborn isn't really a baby as much as a nuisance. But yes. SullyZ2K: wow, that's like how long, a foot? CyberOnWheels: Thank God it was born dead, though, or Reynaldo would have a lot of explaining to do. CyberOnWheels: I don’t know how long it was... SullyZ2K: whose baby? CyberOnWheels: What, do you think a girl has a miscarriage and breaks out a measuring tape like it’s a fishing show? CyberOnWheels: Reynaldo’s baby, stupid. CyberOnWheels: Can we just stop all the chatter and get to the cyber? SullyZ2K: sure CyberOnWheels: I have to have Mrs. Needleman, the housekeeper, stimulate my clitoris and tell me when I have achieved orgasm. CyberOnWheels: She can tell by the contractions in my uterus. 70

SullyZ2K: is she hot? CyberOnWheels: No, she's really nasty. She's like 61 and she hates doing it but my parents are rich and they told her to do whatever I asked because I probably won't live past Christmas. SullyZ2K: oh my god, ok CyberOnWheels: Where do you live? SullyZ2K: New York CyberOnWheels: Wow. I always wanted to go to New York. SullyZ2K: would you suck my cock? CyberOnWheels: Ya! If I was there in New York I would put my upper mouth part on your big fake cock that was probably in your ass an hour ago and rub it up and down sooo nice. CyberOnWheels: Would you eat what’s left of my broken, cold and bedsored ass? CyberOnWheels: I love that. SullyZ2K: why do you insist I'm fake? CyberOnWheels: Well, you are either lying about it being fake or you are lying about never trying to suck it. CyberOnWheels: One or the other. But one of them is definitely a lie. SullyZ2K: it's not fake, but maybe I put my mouth on it once CyberOnWheels: In what position? SullyZ2K: same as in the picture CyberOnWheels: How much did you get in your mouth? SullyZ2K: like 4 inches

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CyberOnWheels: Did you blow your load? SullyZ2K: no, I did in my girlfriends mouth CyberOnWheels: But you are still a guy who sucked a dick. CyberOnWheels: So you are a homo. CyberOnWheels: Technically. SullyZ2K: it was mine CyberOnWheels: I'm not busting on you. CyberOnWheels: I'm just saying. SullyZ2K: I hate gay people SullyZ2K: I'm not gay CyberOnWheels: Technically, you are one of them. CyberOnWheels: Do you like parades? CyberOnWheels: Musicals? CyberOnWheels: Sex and the City? SullyZ2K: no, I like fuckin’ hot women CyberOnWheels: For what? To play dress-up? CyberOnWheels: I think you’re cute. CyberOnWheels: Just kinda faggy is all. CyberOnWheels: Now let’s cyber. SullyZ2K: have it your way, lets go CyberOnWheels: Ok, you peel the diaper off my lower body. SullyZ2K: whip out my 15 incher and stick in all the way

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CyberOnWheels: My whole ass, cunt and hip area is white and wrinklymoist like when you've had a band-aid on for too long. CyberOnWheels: The stench of dead flesh rises in your nose. CyberOnWheels: I look up at you with sunken eyes and wonder if you are Jesus come to take me home. SullyZ2K: I take it all out and stick it in your face CyberOnWheels: I cough and gag and begin to cry. CyberOnWheels: You don’t have but three inches of dick. CyberOnWheels: I ask you to get your dildo. SullyZ2K: whatever, I'll go with it CyberOnWheels: I know it’s a dildo because it’s hanging through the flap of your underwear. CyberOnWheels: No guy uses the flap, especially when he is naked otherwise. SullyZ2K: NOWAY, you gasp when you see my huge size cock CyberOnWheels: I gasp as you take it out of your ass and put the first four inches in your mouth. CyberOnWheels: "That was in your ass, gross!" SullyZ2K: never in my ass CyberOnWheels: "That's OK," says you, "I'm a homo with a taste for ass and cock!" CyberOnWheels: That makes me horny as heck. CyberOnWheels: My own cock starts to rise from under the hospital linens. CyberOnWheels: You see it and turn green with envy.

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SullyZ2K: what? CyberOnWheels: My cock is near four foot with a Freddy Krueger hand at the end. CyberOnWheels: It grabs you by the throat. SullyZ2K: um, ok SullyZ2K: uh CyberOnWheels: I pull you down onto the bed and teabag you with an anger seen only on those TV wrestling shows. CyberOnWheels: My balls are sweaty from hours of baiting and you welcome them into your pansy mouth. CyberOnWheels: (Help me, I'm about to toss a big sticky load on to my beer belly) SullyZ2K direct connection is closed. CyberOnWheels: C'mon, queery. Help a dude out. Previous message was not received by SullyZ2: User SullyZ2K is not available.

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CYSTIC COLITIS I thought I'd made up the disease but it turns out that it really does exist. Get ready for another sloppy poop bait!

SweetSingleGuy18: is 19 too young? CyberOnWheels: It is when your name says you are 18. SweetSingleGuy18: i know SweetSingleGuy18: I made this SN last year CyberOnWheels: I bend the rules for everyone but liars. SweetSingleGuy18: my name is Dan CyberOnWheels: Hi Dan. SweetSingleGuy18: what's your name? CyberOnWheels: Brenda. SweetSingleGuy18: hello Brenda CyberOnWheels: Tell me something Dan... SweetSingleGuy18: yes? CyberOnWheels: What’s the strangest sexual experience you have had? SweetSingleGuy18: hmm SweetSingleGuy18: well I ate a girl out in a movie theatre CyberOnWheels: Couldn’t afford popcorn? SweetSingleGuy18: i could

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SweetSingleGuy18: just didn't want any CyberOnWheels: Ever do an Emerson's Sausage Finder? SweetSingleGuy18: no CyberOnWheels: Or tool a girl in the slop-pipe? SweetSingleGuy18: no girl has ever tried to please me CyberOnWheels: Well take off your pants, get a tube of toothpaste, a rubber glove, some hydrogen peroxide, a razor, a funnel and make sure any pets are kept out of the room. CyberOnWheels: At least for now. CyberOnWheels: I'll wait here. SweetSingleGuy18: what do you look like? CyberOnWheels: Did you get all that stuff? SweetSingleGuy18: tell me what you look like and I'll go and get it all CyberOnWheels: I look like the girl that played the waitress in the movie “Curly Sue” with Jim Belushi. CyberOnWheels: She's only in that one scene and didn’t say anything. She just drops off the sandwich. SweetSingleGuy18: What do you look like? CyberOnWheels: Ok, I am blondish except I just had another surgery so they had to shave my head again. I'm almost 4'6" if I am out of the chair. I have a nice smile and I weigh quite a bit. CyberOnWheels: I can't exercise because of my disability so it makes it hard for me to lose weight. CyberOnWheels: Hello? CyberOnWheels: Hello?

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SweetSingleGuy18: I'm here CyberOnWheels: Please Jesus don’t let him leave! SweetSingleGuy18: what sort of disability? CyberOnWheels: Oh thank you. I have a lot of things. Ludwig’s Angina, Gromit, Pinwheel Spine, Cystic Colitis. SweetSingleGuy18: me sorry SweetSingleGuy18: that must stink CyberOnWheels: The colitis does. Like a pig farm. SweetSingleGuy18: awww CyberOnWheels: It’s a sloughing of the bowel walls that constantly exudes dead tissue, infection, blood and feces into my protective undergarment. CyberOnWheels: But it doesn't hurt, as I am numb from the tits down. SweetSingleGuy18: aww SweetSingleGuy18: what size bra do you wear? CyberOnWheels: Oh, I don’t wear a bra, silly! CyberOnWheels: Not with all this equipment hooked up to me! SweetSingleGuy18: then if u did sexy CyberOnWheels: maybe 36. SweetSingleGuy18: nice CyberOnWheels: Ya, well you have to understand I weigh near 260 pounds because I can’t exercise. SweetSingleGuy18: ic CyberOnWheels: But my Mom says that I look like a chubby Priscilla Presley. 77

SweetSingleGuy18: aww CyberOnWheels: Stop saying aww. It’s fucking patronizing. CyberOnWheels: I don’t need your pity. SweetSingleGuy18: sorry CyberOnWheels: I can still suck the meanest dick in 10 counties. SweetSingleGuy18: mmm CyberOnWheels: I had a teacher who could tea-bag himself. SweetSingleGuy18: impressive CyberOnWheels: He'd put his knees at his ears and drop his big saggy gray-haired eggbag right into his mouth. CyberOnWheels: What school do you go to? SweetSingleGuy18: i'm in college CyberOnWheels: I wish I was going to live til college. SweetSingleGuy18: awww CyberOnWheels: Fucking knock it off! SweetSingleGuy18: why do you say that baby? SweetSingleGuy18: is that true? CyberOnWheels: Because no one with CCC (Chronic Cystic Colitis) and Pinwheel Spine combined ever live past three years of diagnosis. CyberOnWheels: I've fought my disease for almost two. CyberOnWheels: I just want someone to love me before I go. In ALL ways! SweetSingleGuy18: ic CyberOnWheels: What college do you go to? SweetSingleGuy18: a very small one in Vermont 78

SweetSingleGuy18: very very small CyberOnWheels: Like your cock? SweetSingleGuy18: that's not nice CyberOnWheels: So did you get the toothpaste and funnel and stuff? SweetSingleGuy18: no SweetSingleGuy18: i need sex CyberOnWheels: Well what do you think all that stuff is for? Baking a fucking cake? SweetSingleGuy18: i need real sex CyberOnWheels: I could come visit you. SweetSingleGuy18: i wish CyberOnWheels: Make-A-Wish says they'll bring me anywhere I want to go. Then you could fuck me like I want to be fucked! CyberOnWheels: What do you like? SweetSingleGuy18: anything CyberOnWheels: Would you like to pork me, ass-wise? SweetSingleGuy18: mm SweetSingleGuy18: yes CyberOnWheels: Tell me how you would do it. CyberOnWheels: I'll tell you if you fuck up or do something gay. SweetSingleGuy18: i dunno SweetSingleGuy18: sorry

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CyberOnWheels: Wow. You really can’t cyber at all, huh? SweetSingleGuy18: it's just SweetSingleGuy18: well SweetSingleGuy18: I dunno SweetSingleGuy18: I guess I'm not in the mood or something CyberOnWheels: Well thank you very Goddamned much! SweetSingleGuy18: which is weird cause that's never happened b4 SweetSingleGuy18: sorry CyberOnWheels: I have maybe 8 months to live and you waste a whole hour of my night where I planned on cybering to make the pain go away... and you are not in the FUCKING MOOD?? SweetSingleGuy18: want me to do it? SweetSingleGuy18: fine CyberOnWheels: You take your cock out right now! SweetSingleGuy18: I would start by taking off your pants CyberOnWheels: Ok, now we're cooking! CyberOnWheels: Go! CyberOnWheels: More! CyberOnWheels: Eat my ass! SweetSingleGuy18: then I would kiss you passionately on the lips CyberOnWheels: Fuck the gay shit, eat my ass! CyberOnWheels: Get in there! SweetSingleGuy18: I would slide my tongue in

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SweetSingleGuy18: and move it around and around while I rub your pussy CyberOnWheels: Oh yes! I am sloughing! SweetSingleGuy18: i slide my tongue in deeper SweetSingleGuy18: and move it in and out SweetSingleGuy18: i knead your ass CyberOnWheels: My bowel walls are liquefying and pouring out over your tongue! SweetSingleGuy18: i rub your pussy SweetSingleGuy18: i take my pants off CyberOnWheels: All of my breakfast is now acrid sewage bubbling out of my ass! CyberOnWheels: Take em off! SweetSingleGuy18: and slide my hard cock out CyberOnWheels: C'mon Dan! I wanna see that cock! SweetSingleGuy18: 8 inches SweetSingleGuy18: do you like that baby? SweetSingleGuy18: where do you want it? CyberOnWheels: I want you to fuck one of my folds since my pussy is like the heel of your foot from years in a chair. CyberOnWheels: Pull up a big flap of my fat under my arm and fuck me near where the air-hose goes in. CyberOnWheels: Mmmmmm. SweetSingleGuy18: i'm so hard SweetSingleGuy18: do you want to suck it? 81

CyberOnWheels: You can smell the foul breath of unwashed death in there, huh? CyberOnWheels: Oh, I am not much of a "sucker" since I have no lower jaw. CyberOnWheels: But I could bump it with my head! Would you like that? CyberOnWheels: Don't go, I am almost there! CyberOnWheels: One last thing and I can come! SweetSingleGuy18: hmm CyberOnWheels: PLEASE JESUS DON’T LET DAN WALK OUT OF MY LIFE UNTIL I COME AND THEN... CyberOnWheels: You're back! SweetSingleGuy18: yeah SweetSingleGuy18: what do you want me to do? CyberOnWheels: Ok, I am almost ready. CyberOnWheels: Just reach under the blubber roll by my crotch and lift it up... CyberOnWheels: Wipe the stink-tears away on your shirt sleeves. Like my nursemaid does. Previous message was not received by SweetSingleGuy18: User SweetSingleGuy18 is not available. CyberOnWheels: One sentence short of the surprise cock!

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FAT-HEADED RETARD This guy IM'd me while I was in the middle of another bait and told me how he had all this shit wrong with him. I told him I was also in a wheelchair (after being raped and thrown out of a car by Indians) but to IM me later as I was busy. When he did message back, I tried to include the back-story so it would make sense to the reader. P.S. Quite honestly, I have no idea what Spina Bifida is. But it sounds hilarious. agnt776399: boo...lol CyberOnWheels: Hi! CyberOnWheels: Is this the guy with Spina Bifida? agnt776399: hi agnt776399: yes CyberOnWheels: Your name is so... well, boring, I wanted to make sure. agnt776399: my name is boring? lol CyberOnWheels: I mean, it’s not really memorable. agnt776399: that makes sense CyberOnWheels: It's a lot of numbers for a girl in my condition to remember. CyberOnWheels: What’s it mean? agnt776399: it doesnt really mean anything CyberOnWheels: Wow. I guess when you have Spina Bifida you can't be expected to be imaginative!

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CyberOnWheels: Oh, wait. You are hydrocephalic too, huh? CyberOnWheels: THAT’S why. I guess spina bifida has nothing to do with it. agnt776399: hey now...i have a very good imagination...lol CyberOnWheels: Heehee! agnt776399: lol CyberOnWheels: I just turned 13. CyberOnWheels: So tell me, what’s worse, being a gimp or a waterhead? agnt776399: i dont mind either actually CyberOnWheels: But if you HAD to pick one? agnt776399: i have had time get used to it over the past 24 years agnt776399: id say the wheelchair is the worst CyberOnWheels: Does the fat head get you a lot of pussy? CyberOnWheels: I know a midget that uses his freak-dom to score major chicks. CyberOnWheels: They're skanks, but they'll fuck him. agnt776399: nah i dont need to use my defects to get laid... my looks and personality do the trick CyberOnWheels: Cool! CyberOnWheels: What do you look like? agnt776399: 5-9 150, brown hair and eyes CyberOnWheels: How big is your cock? agnt776399: about 8 inches CyberOnWheels: And you said it still works? agnt776399: yep 84

agnt776399: but ladies prefer my mouth CyberOnWheels: My 6 yr old brother has spina bifida too and his cock doesn’t work at all. CyberOnWheels: I tried blowing him once just to see. CyberOnWheels: He cried and cried. agnt776399: he is only 6, of course it doesnt work CyberOnWheels: But I thought it could at least get hard enough that he could fuck me. agnt776399: not at 6 agnt776399: wait til he gets closer to puberty CyberOnWheels: He's the only male in my whole family who hasn't fucked me. agnt776399: no shit? CyberOnWheels: No kidding. agnt776399: wow CyberOnWheels: They figure if I can't feel it, it really isn't hurting anyone. agnt776399: so uve done it since the accident? agnt776399: and u cant feel anything? CyberOnWheels: Oh yeah. In fact, one of the doctors who checked my vagina after the Indians raped me came in while I was in the recovery room and started fucking me while I was still under. I came to just as he came, too. agnt776399: really? CyberOnWheels: No, I can't feel anything externally, which is weird because I can feel some things internally. 85

agnt776399: yeah that is strange CyberOnWheels: Like when my uncle rapes my ass, I can feel it way up in my colon but not around the anus. agnt776399: damn CyberOnWheels: I can't come anyway. I was given a clitoral circumcision at 8. CyberOnWheels: I am from Zaire. agnt776399: wow CyberOnWheels: So you want I should suck your dick? CyberOnWheels: I can still suck one hell of a cock! CyberOnWheels: Good thing, or we wouldn't be able to make rent! agnt776399: they make u suck cock to pay the rent? CyberOnWheels: They don't *make* me. I mean, I live here too, right? agnt776399: thats true CyberOnWheels: And it's not like I could get any work, either, so I can’t blame them for staying home all day and fucking me. CyberOnWheels: If they can empty my sauce-bag, I can suck a couple of landlord dicks to keep soup on the table. CyberOnWheels: So how do you jack off there in your wheelchair? agnt776399: same way as anyone else i guess agnt776399: just use my hand CyberOnWheels: So your hands work and your legs don't? agnt776399: exactly CyberOnWheels: Can you suck your own cock being all twisted up like that? 86

agnt776399: im not all twisted up... agnt776399: i just look like i am sitting down CyberOnWheels: Well I figured -- broken body with a big fat head weighing down towards your lap all day -- sucking your cock might be something that could happen accidentally. CyberOnWheels: You just nod off and wake up with your own cock in your mouth. agnt776399: i dont have a fat head... i have a shunt that drains the fluid... my head is normal size CyberOnWheels: Ever let a guy fuck your shunt? agnt776399: i look"normal"... except that i just cant walk agnt776399: its in my head... no part of it is out of my body agnt776399: and i wouldnt let a guy near me with a ten foot pole... lol CyberOnWheels: Well where does the fluid drain into? agnt776399: my intestines agnt776399: a tube runs from my head to my abdomen CyberOnWheels: Oh, I see. agnt776399: and drains the fluid agnt776399: and then i just piss it out CyberOnWheels: So you just sit around and shit pus all day? CyberOnWheels: Oh, piss. agnt776399: yeah CyberOnWheels: Pissing pus. What a life. 87

agnt776399: its not pus CyberOnWheels: Can you feel anything in your ass? agnt776399: yeah i can feel everything... i just cant walk CyberOnWheels: So you can enjoy anal pleasure? CyberOnWheels: You lucky dog. agnt776399: im not gay... agnt776399: i dont enjoy things stuck up my ass... lol CyberOnWheels: I used to love it in the ass. And I am not gay either. agnt776399: i know ur not gay... but im not a woman either... lol CyberOnWheels: You ever dirt-chute a girl? agnt776399: dirt-chute?... u mean buttfuck?... yeah CyberOnWheels: My ass is like a shopping bag. My older brother Hoagie used to fill my ass full of contraband and take me across the border. agnt776399: damn CyberOnWheels: First he took me on dry runs where he'd fill me up with stuff that wasn't even illegal, like jerky and cowbells, just to give me practice. agnt776399: cowbells? damn that had to hurt CyberOnWheels: Cowbells only hurt when you are trying to sleep on a Greyhound bus CyberOnWheels: Do you work for a living or do you just sit around feeling sorry for yourself and sucking off the state. agnt776399: i work agnt776399: how the hell did he manage to stick a cowbell up ur ass CyberOnWheels: How? One at a time. 88

agnt776399: haha CyberOnWheels: I honestly don't know, he was behind me when he did it. agnt776399: what do u do now if u get horny agnt776399: can u pleasure urself CyberOnWheels: I told you, I have no clitoris. I get pleasure pleasing others, including the dirty Indians who raped me and threw me out of the back of their moving El Camino, paralyzing me for life. CyberOnWheels: What other pleasure do you need? agnt776399: self pleasure agnt776399: i mean there isnt always gonna be someone around CyberOnWheels: Sometimes I drink chocolate milk. CyberOnWheels: But I usually throw it up. agnt776399: hmm agnt776399: can u masterbate CyberOnWheels: I will occasionally allow beef-juice to spill in my lap at dinner so that Chauncey, our pit bull, will lick it off. But I can't really feel it as much as imagine how it would feel. agnt776399: u cant feel anything from the neck down?...not even ur nipples? CyberOnWheels: My brothers cut off my nipples for fun one night when they were done wilding. CyberOnWheels: I know it’s a dated reference from back when that girl was raped in Central Park but it’s all I had. CyberOnWheels: Anyway, is your cock hard? agnt776399: not really

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CyberOnWheels: Oh, because you are a cripple? agnt776399: no... because we arent talkin about anything that is turning me on CyberOnWheels: What??? agnt776399: i cant fugure out why ur family would do those things agnt776399: like cutting ur nipples off CyberOnWheels: I talked about my pussy, my mouth, sucking cock..etc. CyberOnWheels: None of this is a turn on? CyberOnWheels: Are you sure you aren't gay? agnt776399: yes i am quite sure CyberOnWheels: Is your ass all bed sores and lesions like mine? agnt776399: no thats one thing i have been lucky with...i dont have any bedsores or anything CyberOnWheels: Mmmmm. I can just imagine your ass. agnt776399: ... its not bad actually... lol CyberOnWheels: Can you get up on all fours without a nanny? agnt776399: i live on my own CyberOnWheels: I'm imagining you on all fours like a heroic tiger! CyberOnWheels: Stalking, circling... CyberOnWheels: looking for prey... CyberOnWheels: Then suddenly... agnt776399: what would u like? CyberOnWheels: I race up behind you like a heroic guy with a big cock and poon you square in the ass! 90

agnt776399: i want u to really enjoy urself CyberOnWheels: I am! CyberOnWheels: I am fucking you in your crippled ass and it’s making me wild! agnt776399: how wild CyberOnWheels: You try to get away but you realize you aren't a tiger at all! agnt776399: if i were a tiger i would turn around and grab u instead of running CyberOnWheels: You are just a weak, wheelchair-bound Nancy who is taking heavy duty cock right in the pundiggity hole. agnt776399: thought u didnt have a cock CyberOnWheels: I told you I had an accident, didn't I? CyberOnWheels: I "accidentally" forgot to tell you I am a dude. agnt776399: later CyberOnWheels: A dude with an eye for twisted waterheaded pedophiles in wheelchairs. CyberOnWheels: Now bend over, if you can do it without hitting the call button. CyberOnWheels: My cock is as hard as getting you into bed. agnt776399: u weirdo freak... CyberOnWheels: Please, dude. Just help me get my bag empty. I mean, I have had to sit here for an hour with the horrible image of a spina bifida victim in my head - the least you could do is help me stroke one off. CyberOnWheels: Do you have a pic that I could sell to one of those Rotten.com sites?

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CyberOnWheels: Hello? agnt776399: horrible image???... agnt776399: im not the elephant man... CyberOnWheels: C'mon. Give me a pic and I can try to market you to freak shows. I'll be your manager. agnt776399: the hell u say CyberOnWheels: That way you can get circus pussy rather than trying to score underage girls on the net. agnt776399: u need professional help... CyberOnWheels: Wait, you are trying to cyber a 13-year-old quadrapalegic over the net, even calling back twice, and I am the sicko? CyberOnWheels: God knew you were going to be a baby-rapist so he hobbled you with the same speed as a baby to give it a sporting chance. CyberOnWheels: I have to end this bait, can you hang up please? CyberOnWheels: I hope your shunt clogs and pus blows the back of your head off like Kennedy. CyberOnWheels: Goodnight. Previous message was not received by agnt776399: User agnt776399 is not available.

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CHAPTER THREE:

Abortions4Free

Name: Dr. Ellen Hanrahan City: Nationwide State/Country: Interests: Christianity, Parenting, Moms Online, Pregnancy and Birth Teens Other: My name is Dr. Ellen Hanrahan. I am a physician with a private organization that provides FREE abortions for girls of all ages without requiring the consent of your parents. Please IM with any questions regarding killing your unwanted child before it ends up ruining YOUR life. Some girls may qualify for cash bonuses to abort their fetus or for referring friends to our service. Remember, we will come to you in the continental USA. DON'T DELAY, KILL YOUR BABY TODAY!

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ABORT-O-VAN The other fun part of this was toward the end when I was posting pro-abortion testimonials from him on the Christian Singles Chat where he found me. He was going apeshit trying to discount them all while IMing me at the same time. If you end up getting an abortion, make sure to mention his name. TetraDragoon: Your sick. You used to be a child. Did YOU ruin your parents lives!? Probably not. It probably made them happy they had a child. Would you have wanted to die?! Well, giving abortions is like Murdering an innocent Person. Abortions4Free: Ma'am? TetraDragoon: No. I am A Male. TetraDragoon: Your sick. Abortions4Free: I apologize for the hold, we are very busy. TetraDragoon: I don't care. Abortions4Free: Do you mean "you're" sick? TetraDragoon: You are a SICK person. TetraDragoon: YOU'RE SICK IN THE MIND TetraDragoon: By killing those little kids Abortions4Free: What seems to be the problem? Customer service is our middle name. TetraDragoon: You are Destroying lovely Effects Of Life. TetraDragoon: You're Giving Abortions. TetraDragoon: Abortions Are Very Wrong 94

Abortions4Free: Those "little kids" are usually of little or no consequence in this world. Statistically, anyway. TetraDragoon: Your Murdering Innocent Children. YOU Were a child once. TetraDragoon: Dont you have a Heart? Abortions4Free: Really. Do you know what the odds of you giving birth to a child who will amount to anything are? 2%. Not very good. Abortions4Free: Are you pregnant now? TetraDragoon: I am MALE TetraDragoon: But even if i were, I could let someone ADOPT my child TetraDragoon: not Kill the baby. That baby is LIFE. YOU WERE A BABY. Abortions4Free: A lot of people feel that way until I explain our "abortion mentoring" program. TetraDragoon: How would you feel... TetraDragoon: If your mother was pregnant with you... TetraDragoon: and gave birth to you.. TetraDragoon: Then, Killed you? TetraDragoon: What would you think? Abortions4Free: You know, you could earn cash bonuses of up to 50 dollars per child just to refer underage girls to our many mobile clinics nationwide. Abortions4Free: It's not really so much "killing" when you can make that kind of scratch, is it? TetraDragoon: You are hopeless. Abortions4Free: To answer your question, if my mother had aborted me right now, I wouldn't have to be at work. TetraDragoon: Yeah? 95

Abortions4Free: Besides, isn't a dead baby a baby that is with Jesus? TetraDragoon: That doesnt count. Abortions4Free: Why not? TetraDragoon: Jesus Despises Abortion Abortions4Free: Do you know why? Abortions4Free: Because... (don't interrupt) Abortions4Free: In Jesus' day, abortions were performed crudely, through a series of bellyflops in the Tigris or several kicks to the mid-section. Abortions4Free: If Jesus could see the plush accommodations of our fleet of Abort-O-Vans, he would be first in line! Abortions4Free: So how about we get you signed up to make some summer spending money! TetraDragoon: i severely Doubt that. TetraDragoon: No. Abortions4Free: What's holding you back? TetraDragoon: