Fool for Love

Nâtâlicia (Calendar Boys): Fool for Love By Cassandra Gold

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Dedication For Charlie—I’m still a fool for you after all these years.

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“Let us celebrate the occasion with wine and sweet words.” Plautus

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This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously and are not to be construed as real. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, organizations, or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental. Fool for Love by Cassandra Gold Red Rose™ Publishing Publishing with a touch of Class! ™ The symbol of the Red Rose and Red Rose is a trademark of Red Rose™ Publishing Red Rose™ Publishing Copyright© 2009 Cassandra Gold ISBN: 978-1-60435-321-1 Cover Artist: Ash Arceneaux Editor: Vi Bowen Line Editor: WRFG All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced electronically or in print without written permission, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in reviews. Due to copyright laws you cannot trade, sell or give any ebooks away. This is a work of fiction. All references to real places, people, or events are coincidental, and if not coincidental, are used fictitiously. All trademarks, service marks, registered trademarks, and registered service marks are the property of their respective owners and are used herein for identification purposes only. Red Rose™ Publishing www.redrosepublishing.com Forestport, NY 13338 Thank you for purchasing a book from Red Rose™Publishing where publishing comes with a touch of Class!

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Fool for Love By Cassandra Gold

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Chapter One “There is no cure for the common birthday.” John Glenn

The sounds of loud laughter and pounding bass greeted Vincent Norton as he reached the second floor of his apartment building. His neighbors across the hall, college kids, must be having a party. The young men had moved in a few months before, in August. So far, they hadn‟t been bad to live near. They kept the noise level to a minimum, for the most part, and they didn‟t bother him, which was pretty much all he asked for. He‟d nearly reached his apartment when he saw a young man sitting on the floor a few feet away from his neighbors‟ door, his head resting against the wall and his eyes closed. Having not seen much of the four young men who lived in number 203, Vince wasn‟t sure, but he thought it was one of them. “Are you all right?” The brunet‟s eyelids lifted, revealing a pair of liquid brown eyes. “I‟m fine. I needed a little break from the party.”

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To his surprise, Vince found himself stopping and smiling at the young man. “What‟s the occasion?” “It‟s my birthday.” Oh, to be young enough to look forward to birthdays. His smile widened. “Happy birthday.” “Thanks. I think my roommates just wanted an excuse to have a party, though.” The boy shrugged, his expression rueful. At that moment, the door opened and another young man poked his head out. This one, a lanky redhead, was definitely one of the neighbors. His eyes narrowed when he saw his roommate on the floor. “Rob. What are you doing, dude? Get in here. You‟re missing your own party!” “I‟ll be there in a minute.” When the door closed again, the brunet — Rob — rolled his eyes and stood. “I‟m surprised they noticed I was gone.” Looking at the way Rob‟s tee shirt clung to his tall, well-built frame and slimly muscled arms, Vince found it hard to believe that anyone could not notice him. “How many candles on your cake?” “Twenty-one. Woo.” By the expression on Rob‟s face, he wasn‟t all that enthusiastic about his birthday, or maybe just the party.

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Great. I was checking out a kid less than half my age. His own students were the age of this young man. Vince covered his discomfort with another smile and a shooing gesture. “You only turn twenty-one once. Go enjoy your party.” “I guess I‟d better, or Dustin‟ll be out here looking for me again.” He sighed. Then he stuck out his hand. “I‟m Rob Bridges.” Vince accepted the handshake. “Hello, Rob. I‟m Vince Norton.” “You‟re a professor over at Washington University, aren‟t you?” Surprised, Vince nodded. His occupation wasn‟t a secret, but he didn‟t go around announcing it to everyone in the building, either. Rob gave him a wry grin. “I saw the faculty parking permit on your car a few weeks ago.” “And you and your roommates are at Saint Louis University.” “Yeah, we‟re all seniors this year.” For a moment Vince thought back to his own senior year in college, so many years ago. His senior year had been the year he‟d finally gotten up the courage to come out. Although his parents had never accepted his sexual orientation, he‟d never regretted the decision. After all, he‟d met Dean that same year. Thinking of Dean brought up a lot of memories, most of them more sweet than bitter after three years. He smiled, shaking his head at his own

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sentimentality. His neighbor probably thought he was odd. Turning the smile on Rob, he said, “Good luck with the rest of your senior year. And with the party.” “Thanks. It was nice talking to you.” “I‟ve enjoyed talking to you as well.” With a quick grin, the younger man turned and went back into his apartment. Vince tried, and failed, to keep from glancing down at Rob‟s ass. Feeling like a dirty old man, he unlocked his door and went into his empty apartment.

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Chapter Two “If youth only knew: If age only could.” Henri Estienne

“You need some help with that?” Vince turned his head to see his one of his neighbors jogging up behind him, not sure whether to be insulted or pleased at the young man‟s offer of assistance. He wasn‟t so old as to need help carrying a single box. At least he didn‟t think so. His forty-five years probably seemed ancient to a twenty-one-year-old kid. “No, the box isn‟t heavy. Rob, right?” Rob grinned, looking pleased he‟d remembered. “Let me get the door for you.” With as much of a shrug as he could manage with his arms full, Vince walked through the outer door Rob held open for him. Juggling the box to open the door would have been irritating . He appreciated the thought even if he didn‟t really need help. “Are you trying to tell me I‟m old?”

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The younger man‟s brown eyes widened with horror. “No, not at all, Dr. Norton. I‟m sorry. I was just —” “I was joking, Rob. And you‟re not one of my students. You can call me Vince.” “Okay. Vince.” They walked through the entry way and up the stairs together. When they reached the second floor, Rob nodded toward the box. “Want me to hold that so you can get your door?” “Thank you.” Vince handed the box over and fished his keys out of the pocket of his slacks. Once his apartment door was open, his neighbor handed him the box, the muscles in his arms flexing. “You must be pretty strong. That was heavier than I expected.” Not sure how to reply, he smiled. Rob gave him a slight smile in return and headed across the hall. Vince watched him walk away for a moment before pushing his door open and entering his own apartment. He carried the box of books over to the kitchen table and set it down, thinking about what Rob had said. Had there been a hint of admiration in the younger man‟s tone?

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“Wishful thinking, old man,” he scoffed aloud. An attractive young man like his neighbor would have no interest in a man Vince‟s age, even if he were gay, and Vince had no reason to believe he was. The boy had to be a heartbreaker, though, no matter which sex he favored. With those big brown eyes and his toned body — which Vince should not be checking out, he reminded himself — Rob could probably wrap just about anybody around his little finger. But not me. After all, he‟d had his happily-ever-after. The twenty years he‟d had with Dean may not have been as long as he‟d wanted, but they‟d been wonderful. In the three years since the accident, Vince had never even been tempted to date or look for a new relationship. Teaching and his friends kept him busy. He was content with his life as it was. Any time a friend suggested he move on and find someone new, he only laughed. Love was for the young, like he and Dean had been once. Like his neighbors were. Men his age were better off being satisfied with what they had.

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Running late for the night class he taught on Thursdays, Vince hurried out of his apartment. He locked the door and rushed toward the stairs, right into someone coming around the corner. The man reeled back. Vince reached out and gripped his arms, steadying him. It was the young man from across the hall. He opened his mouth to speak, but Rob beat him to the punch. “Are you okay, Doc — I mean, Vince?” The concerned look on Rob‟s face made him smile. “I‟m fine. Maybe this will teach me to watch where I‟m going.” The concern melted into a grin. “Nah. It‟s more exciting not to. You never know what‟ll happen.” He couldn‟t help laughing at that. “I suppose not.” He realized he still held Rob‟s upper arms and dropped his hands. “I think I‟ve lived dangerously enough for one evening.” Rob laughed with him. “Watch out on the stairs, then.” At the first floor, he was grateful for the warning. Rob‟s three roommates came charging up the stairs, but he was able to avoid them. On his way to the university, however, Vince‟s mind refused to consider possible topics for next week‟s class discussion. Instead, he found himself thinking about a sweet smile and a pair of warm brown eyes. He frowned at the turn of his

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thoughts. He‟d only spoken to Rob a few times, and for only a few minutes, so why this strange, unwelcome attraction? Okay, the man was hot. Anyone with eyes could see that. He obviously worked out, or played a sport of some kind. And he had a boy-next-door face, handsome without being too pretty. The thing Vince found most attractive, though, was Rob‟s personality — or what he‟d seen of it so far. Rob always seemed to be laughing or smiling, and he was polite and helpful to a fault. Something about his sunny happiness made Vince want to smile. He groaned. How ridiculous would having a crush on a neighbor less than half his age be? Was he having some sort of midlife crisis? By the time he pulled into his usual parking spot in the faculty lot a few minutes later, Vince was thoroughly disgusted with himself. He was determined not be one of those men who bought a sports car and found a pretty young thing in an effort to reclaim his youth. He had a perfectly good life already. If he ever decided to date again, he would find someone near his own age, with similar interests and goals. To do anything else would almost guarantee the relationship would fail before it started.

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Chapter Three “First weigh the considerations, then take the risks.” Helmuth von Moltke

Although he knew he should be focusing on the chapters he was supposed to be reading for his Developmental Biology class, Rob couldn‟t concentrate. Instead of taking notes, he doodled aimlessly in the margins of his notebook, his mind wandering. Lately, any time his mind wandered, there was only one thing it wandered to: Vince Norton. Ever since he‟d first noticed the man, the night of his birthday party, Rob had been developing a big-time crush. He felt like he was in high school again, the way he always hoped he‟d run into Vince in the hall. His feelings weren‟t much of a surprise. Vince was seriously hot — tall, dark hair silvering at the temples, and those pale blue-gray eyes. Yum. Sure, Vince was older than the guys he usually dated, but he liked older guys. The times he‟d dated guys his own age, their immaturity had annoyed him. His last boyfriend had wanted to have an open relationship so he could screw around as much as he wanted and still have Rob waiting in the wings. Yeah, right. Before that, he‟d had a

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“friends-with-benefits” kind of relationship with Mike, a fellow exercise science major. Mike was fun and cute, but the guy couldn‟t decide whether he was gay or bi. Rob had moved on after only a few weeks, tired of being jerked around. He knew what he wanted. Too bad none of the guys he‟d dated knew what they wanted. The screech of squealing tires from the television jerked him out of his thoughts. He glanced over at Dustin, who sat on the couch playing Grand Theft Auto on the Xbox. “What do you think about our neighbor?” His roommate kept playing the game. “Which one? We have a lot of neighbors.” Smartass. He scowled, pretty sure Dustin knew which one he meant. “Vince, across the hall.” One of Dustin‟s eyebrows, a reddish-brown darker than his bright hair, inched up a bit. “Vince, huh? You mean Dr. Norton? Older guy?” “He‟s not old. Anyway, what do you think of him?” Maybe talking to Dustin about this hadn‟t been such a good idea after all. Who else could he talk to, though? Cody and Joe were good friends and roommates, but he didn‟t feel comfortable discussing some things with them. Dustin could be a pain in the ass, especially when he pulled his dumb-jock, party-boy routine, but he was a good

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listener. Despite being his opposite in pretty much every way, Dustin was his best friend. The sounds of shooting and squealing tires stopped. Dustin put the game controller aside and turned toward him, eyebrow still raised. “Why do you want to know what I think of him?” Rob hesitated a little too long, not sure how to answer. Dustin‟s other eyebrow shot up. “Dude.” The single word held a wealth of meaning. “I don‟t know, I was just curious…” Dustin‟s skeptical expression told him the other man didn‟t believe a word he said. He sighed. “Okay, okay. I think he‟s kind of hot.” Rather than changing the subject or being grossed out, his friend had a thoughtful expression. “I can see that. He‟s got a silver fox thing going on, sort of, I don‟t know —” “Distinguished?” Rob grinned, pleased he wasn‟t the only one who thought so. Dustin nodded. “Yeah. Distinguished. But he is a little old, don‟t you think?” He bristled. “He‟s not old. He‟s probably in his forties.” “Forty is like twice your age. He‟s old compared to you.”

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“He probably thinks I‟m some immature kid, anyway.” He slumped, his indignation fading. Why would a hot guy with a doctorate and a successful career have any interest in a college kid? Dustin laughed. “Don‟t be such a drama queen, dude. If you like him, make him notice you. If he‟s not interested, he‟s not interested. You‟ll never know if you don‟t try.” “That‟s true.” “And Rob?” He looked up to find his best friend looking surprisingly serious. “You know Mrs. Finley, from downstairs?” At his nod, Dustin continued. “I was helping her move some stuff a while back, and you know how she likes to talk about people. She told me Dr. Norton moved here after his lover died, a few years ago. She said they‟d been together like twenty years or something. Just so you know.” “Wow. That really sucks.” “Yeah.” After a couple of minutes, Dustin picked up his controller and resumed his game. Rob sat stunned. How terrible, to lose someone after twenty years when you should have another twenty years or more together. How would a person get

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through something like that? He couldn‟t imagine. The longest relationship he‟d been in had lasted a grand total of six months. I guess I am an immature kid. I haven‟t been through half the things Vince has been through. The thought solidified his resolve. Immature kid or not, at least Rob knew what he wanted. He wanted a stable relationship with a person who cared about him and supported him, the type of man he could respect. Maybe he hadn‟t done that much in his life — yet. Maybe Vince was out of his league. So what? That didn‟t mean he couldn‟t try. He‟d take Dustin‟s advice to make Vince notice him and see what happened. If his sexy neighbor blew him off, he‟d get over it sooner or later. He had nothing to lose and everything to gain.

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Chapter Four “Learning to ignore things is one of the great paths to inner peace.” — Robert J. Sawyer

Pulling his car in to the apartment complex at the end of a long week, Vince heaved a sigh of relief. For some reason, this week had been tiring. Every time he‟d turned around, someone wanted something from him. Coworkers had asked him for favors. Students had needed extra help. His stack of papers and exams to grade had grown exponentially. His briefcase felt like it weighed a ton when he hefted it and strode toward the outer door. All he wanted to do was grab a beer or a glass of wine and relax for the rest of the evening. In the vestibule, he paused to check his mail. The envelopes he pulled out appeared to be bills or junk mail. How annoying. “Hey, Vince. How‟s it going?” He turned his head enough to see Rob coming into the vestibule, carrying a duffle bag. His hair was damp and stuck up in random spikes, as if it had been wet and he‟d toweled it dry. Somehow, the effect was attractive rather than sloppy.

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“Hello, Rob.” Although he‟d been planning to go straight up to his apartment, Vince found himself waiting as Rob opened the mailbox for his apartment and pulled out a big stack of mail. A pink envelope slipped off and fell to the floor. Vince leaned down and picked up the bright envelope, wincing at the heavy scent of perfume coming from the paper. Snickering, Rob took the envelope. “Thanks. This one‟s from Joe‟s girlfriend. She goes to Truman State, and she writes Joe at least once a week. She also emails and calls. You should see his part of the phone bill.” Vince attempted to be diplomatic. “She seems to like perfume.” The deadpan look he got in response made him laugh. “She wears almost as much as she puts on the envelopes. She‟s a nice girl, though.” Rob shrugged, a “what can you do?” gesture. By unspoken agreement, they walked toward the stairs together. Vince noticed the white Billiken logo with “SLU Athletics” under it printed on the side of Rob‟s bag. “Are you on one of the teams at SLU?” The younger man flashed him a quick, pleased smile. “Yeah, swimming and diving. I do three meter springboard and some short distance and relay.” That explained the wet hair. And his build, lean but broad-shouldered, with strong arms. To try to distract himself from imagining Rob in those little Speedo

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swim trunks, he scrambled for something to say. “I watched a lot of the swimming and diving during the Olympics.” Rob‟s face lit up. “The Olympic athletes always amaze me. I really like watching the ten meter platform diving. Those guys can do things that don‟t even seem possible.” “It is pretty amazing. I get dizzy watching all those twists and turns they do in the air.” “Some of the moves aren‟t as hard as they look. Some of them, though…I couldn‟t do them to save my life.” While they talked, they had reached the second floor. Reluctance to leave took Vince by surprise. Before he‟d run into Rob, all he‟d wanted to do was relax at home. Annoyed at himself, he dug his keys out of his pocket. “Here we are. Have a good weekend, Rob.” He turned abruptly and let himself into his apartment, but not before he caught sight of Rob‟s face. Rob had looked almost hurt. Closing the door behind him, he considered the younger man‟s expression. Guilt crept in. He had been rather rude, but then again, maybe he‟d read too much into what he thought he‟d seen. In all likelihood, the other man hadn‟t cared a bit about his hasty exit.

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On the way back to his apartment after spending much of the morning in the laundry room, Vince spotted one of Rob‟s roommates in the hall. He smiled and nodded at the tall redhead, trying to remember his name. Was it Derek? No, Dustin, that was it. Dustin nodded back. “Hey, Dr. Norton. Did you see Rob down there anywhere?” “No.” Before either of them could say anything else, Rob appeared at the top of the stairs. “You rang?” Dustin rolled his eyes. “That joke is so old, dude. Anyway, Mike called.” Rob‟s face went from happy to not in about three seconds. “What did he want?” Glancing pointedly at Vince, Dustin asked, “You want to talk about this out here?” Rob‟s gaze darted from Dustin to Vince and back again. Whatever Mike had wanted was clearly a private matter. Vince gave them both a nod. “I‟ll see you two gentlemen later.”

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Although he went into his apartment as fast as he could, he still heard Rob say, “I told Mike to stop calling me. What did that jerk want?” Vince couldn‟t help his curiosity, but he was no eavesdropper. He closed the door behind him before he could hear any more. Then he sat at the kitchen table and graded the rest of his students‟ papers. He told himself he wouldn‟t think about Rob at all. He was mostly successful.

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Chapter Five “Small opportunities are often the beginning of great enterprises.” Demosthenes

November‟s nearly over and Vince still doesn‟t know I‟m alive. They had talked in the hall several times, but Rob didn‟t really consider that progress. From his sprawledout vantage point on the couch, he peered down at his roommate. “Your plan isn‟t working very well.” Dustin looked up from the papers he had scattered around him on the floor. “What plan?” “You told me to make Vince notice me. I‟ve been trying, but he hasn‟t.” Of course, if he wanted to be honest, he‟d admit he hadn‟t tried as hard as he could have. A heavy course load and four swim meets in one week hadn‟t helped. Half the time he‟d been too tired to seek Vince out. One of their other roommates, Cody, chose that moment to walk in. “Who‟s Vince?”

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Dustin opened his mouth before Rob could tell him to shut up. “Vince is our neighbor. You know, Dr. Norton? Rob likes him.” Cody stared at Rob. “Ew, man, he‟s old! He could be your dad. That‟s really messed up.” If looks could kill, Cody would have died on the spot. “Shut up. My stepdad is in his fifties. Anyway, I don‟t care about his age.” Holding out his hands in a placating gesture, Cody muttered, “Jeez, sorry. I just didn‟t know you had a grandpa fetish.” “This was a really good talk, Cody. Thanks so much.” Angry and strangely hurt, Rob clambered up from the couch. “Don‟t expect any sympathy from me the next time you get dumped.” He stalked to the door, snatching his car keys off the counter on the way. Behind him, he heard Dustin say, “Way to be a dick, Cody.” That almost made him smile.

His anger propelled him down the steps and out the door. When he got outside, he was nearly running. The cool, crisp air felt good on his flushed face.

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Unfortunately, he ran right into Vincent Norton, knocking something out of his hand. The object hit the ground with a crunch and a sploosh. Vince raised an eyebrow. “Living dangerously again?” The crushed coffee cup lying at Vince‟s feet seemed to mock him. “God, I‟m sorry. Did I hurt you?” “No, I‟m fine. I don‟t think my coffee is going to make it, though.” Vince heaved a mock-mournful sigh. Here was his chance, handed to him on a silver platter. Rob made a show of looking down at the crumpled cup. “I think your diagnosis is correct, Doctor.” Laughing, Vince picked up the cup and tossed it into a nearby trash bin. “Maybe that was a sign I should drink less caffeine.” To hide his nerves, Rob shoved his shaking hands into his pockets. He couldn‟t let this chance get away. “Or maybe your clumsy neighbor owes you another cup of coffee.” “You don‟t have to —” “I know, but I want to. Come on. What‟s your favorite coffee place?” He flashed his best grin. Please come with me.

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For a long moment, Vince was quiet. Just as Rob was about to give up hope, he finally nodded. “I like the little shop right around the corner. They have great scones.” Yes! By sheer will, Rob managed not to pump his fist in the air or do a victory dance. Instead, he kept smiling and swept his arm out in an “after you” gesture. “Lead on. Do you want to drive or walk?” “Let‟s walk. It‟s not far.” Although his inner five-year-old wanted to skip, Rob walked beside Vince, maintaining the illusion of calm unconcern. “How are your classes going?” The way Vince instantly relaxed told him he‟d chosen the perfect topic. “They‟re all going very well. For a while I wasn‟t sure about several of my British Lit students, but they‟ve settled in.” After a pause, he asked, “How is your season going? I heard you had a meet at Wash U., but I had a meeting that afternoon.” “It was great. I took first in diving, and my hundred meter relay team won, also. I got third in the hundred free.” Vince looked impressed. “Wow. Congratulations.” He kicked at the crisp, dead leaves littering the edge of the sidewalk. “Thanks. I‟ve been swimming a long time.” “And what do you do when you‟re not swimming?”

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The genuine interest in Vince‟s voice made him want to skip all over again. He didn‟t like talking about himself very much, though. He ducked his head, suddenly shy. “Not much. I‟m on an athletic scholarship, so I spend a lot of time practicing. And I go to class. I‟m an exercise science major.” “You can do quite a few different things with that degree. What do you plan to do with it?” Most people thought exercise science was a glorified phys ed program for dumb jocks. Vince‟s nonjudgmental question surprised and pleased him. “I‟m in the physical therapy program, so after I graduate this spring I‟ll go straight into the doctorate program.” “Good for you.” Just then they arrived at the coffee shop. Vince reached the door first and held it open for him. “Why thank you, sir.” He grinned and stepped into the warm room. The rich scents of coffee, chocolate, and baked goods washed over him, reminding him a little of home. Vince rolled his eyes, but he laughed too. They walked over to the counter together. Vince ordered a regular coffee, and Rob ordered hot tea — decaf — and blueberry scones.

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Raising an eyebrow, Vince tilted his head toward Rob‟s cup. “Hot tea? Do you not like coffee?” Although he always felt silly explaining to people his own age, he somehow knew Vince wouldn‟t think he was weird. “I don‟t drink caffeine. Or alcohol. I decided when I started swimming to stop drinking caffeine, and later I figured why not stay away from alcohol too.” They took their drinks and the scones and found a table by the window, bathed in weak sunshine. After sitting across from Rob, Vince looked skeptically at him. “Not even on your birthday?” He laughed. “Okay, you caught me. I had one drink. Dustin told me everyone has to have a drink on their twenty-first birthday.” The older man gave him a mock-serious stare. “Well, of course. It‟s a law.” They laughed together. Rob basked in the glow of their easy companionship. Now he knew Vince was funny as well as smart and sexy. Best of all, Vince seemed to like him, at least as a friend. He had something to build on. Their time together flew by. Vince told Rob more about the classes he taught, and asked about Rob‟s. They talked about recent movies they‟d seen. They even debated the merits of movie remakes and cover songs, with Vince arguing for them as a form of artistic expression and Rob arguing they were derivative.

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Neither of them noticed the time passing until the sky outside dimmed. Vince glanced at his watch. “It‟s later than I thought. We‟d better get back.” Disappointment and elation warred in Rob‟s heart. He was sad to leave, but he‟d made Vince lose track of time. That had to be a good sign. To hide his conflicted emotions, he smiled. “Yeah, you‟re right. I‟ve got a hot date with my Developmental Bio book.” “I certainly wouldn‟t want you to miss that.” Vince stood and gathered up most of their trash. Rob picked up the rest. Then they headed out into the chilly twilight. They didn‟t talk much on the way home, but the silence was okay. Rob felt comfortable and content. At the second floor, they said goodnight. Vince disappeared into his apartment. Rob watched him go, then opened his door. He winced at the blast of sound that greeted him. Ignoring his three roommates, who were noisily playing Rock Band on the Xbox, Rob slipped back to his and Dustin‟s room. He flopped down on the bed to think. Cody was wrong about Vince being too old for him. He was sure of it. They‟d had a nice time together today. Vince didn‟t treat him like a kid. In fact, the older man listened to him and seemed to respect his opinions. He knew they would be great together. Now he just had to figure out how to show Vince.

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Chapter Six “I can resist anything but temptation.” Oscar Wilde

Bill. Bill. Junk mail. Bill. With a snort of disgust, Vince stuffed the envelopes into his briefcase. Some days he didn‟t know why he bothered to check his mail at all. “Hey, Vince. How was your Thanksgiving?” Rob rushed into the vestibule, grinning, pink-cheeked from the cold December air. Boring. Lonely. “Fine. How was yours?” Despite his boring, lonely weekend and a tortuously long Monday, Vince found he had no trouble finding a smile for Rob. He hadn‟t seen much of his young neighbor since their excursion to the coffee shop a week earlier. Rob had gone home for Thanksgiving a few days later, and returned yesterday evening. Not that Vince had been paying attention or anything. To his surprise, he‟d actually missed the man. “Good. I ate like a pig, though. My mom always goes all out.” The young man patted his flat belly. “I‟m going to have to work out more.”

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Somehow Vince doubted Rob would have any trouble working off his Thanksgiving feast. He laughed. “Wait until you get to be my age. Then you‟ll see how hard it can be to stay in shape.” Rob stopped to look him up and down. “Looks like you do a pretty good job of it.” Shocked, Vince tried not to gape like an idiot. Was Rob flirting with him? No, he can‟t be. He‟s just being nice. And I‟m sure athletes notice things like that, especially prephysical therapy majors who are athletes. Desperate to change the subject, he brought up the one thing he knew was guaranteed to distract Rob. “You never told me about your last meet. How‟d it go?” Rob launched into an excited recitation of how the Billikens had done. Vince heaved an inner sigh of relief. There was no way Rob had been flirting with him. The holiday season must be getting him down even more than usual this year.

On Friday morning, Vince admitted his lonely feelings to his friend and colleague, Dr. Edward Craig. By the end of Saturday evening, he had cause to regret the admission.

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Right after he told Ed about his boring Thanksgiving, Ed decided Vince needed a date. Without quite knowing how it had happened, Vince ended up agreeing to go out with Ed‟s cousin George, a lawyer. He didn‟t want to go on a date, but Ed was so insistent he couldn‟t say no. At seven o‟clock, he met George at a nice restaurant on the Hill. Italian food was one of his favorites. Apparently it wasn‟t one of George‟s favorites, however, because the man complained about the spices giving him heartburn before they even ordered. Vince knew the date was going to be a failure before they were halfway through dinner. George seemed nice enough, and he was in his early fifties, according to Ed, which put him in Vince‟s age range. Their age range alone should have given them some things in common. Unfortunately, they didn‟t seem to see eye to eye on anything. George also didn‟t get his sense of humor, which made conversation awkward. The death knell for their date was one simple fact: he didn‟t find George attractive. The man had clearly taken care of himself and appeared to be in good shape, but he did nothing for Vince. There wasn‟t a spark of any kind. To his horror, Vince‟s mind kept wandering to his afternoon with Rob at the coffee shop. Every time the conversation with George lagged, he thought about the

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easy discussion he and Rob had shared. Once again, he wondered if he was having some sort of midlife crisis. He shouldn‟t be thinking about a young man who was barely old enough to drink while on a date with a perfectly nice man his own age. Maybe this was a sign he wasn‟t ready to date again. He hadn‟t dated in well over twenty years. Apparently dating was nothing like riding a bike. The waiter brought the check, breaking into his thoughts. Guilt over his distraction made him offer to pay. George insisted on paying half. They said goodnight at the door of the restaurant. On the drive home, Vince castigated himself. He should have put more effort into the date. If he‟d tried harder to find some common ground, he and George might have had a better time. Instead, he‟d spent the evening mooning over a young man who most likely thought of him as a father-figure of sorts. He and Rob were wrong for each other in every way. The twenty-five year age gap was only the tip of the iceberg. Even if Rob were closer to his age, he didn‟t even know if the man was gay. The best thing to do would be to stay away from his too-tempting neighbor for a while. “You‟re being an idiot,” he muttered to himself as he stalked into the apartment building.

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Of course, Rob was coming out of the laundry room with a basketful of folded clothes. “Hey, Vince. You‟re all dressed up.” I would run into him. Murphy‟s Law in action. He sighed, glancing down at the nice slacks and shirt he wore under his best wool overcoat. The carefully chosen clothing hadn‟t done him any good. Before he could stop himself, he confessed, “I had a date.” Rob‟s eyes widened. For a moment, Vince thought he almost looked hurt. Then he grinned, and Vince decided he must be imagining things again. “Oh? How‟d it go?” “Not well. I didn‟t want to go in the first place. A friend set it up.” Rob‟s grin turned into a grimace. “A blind date? Ugh. People always think they know what you want, but they‟re usually wrong.” He nodded in agreement. “Exactly! We had nothing in common. Half the conversation was awkward silence.” “Ouch.” Rob paused for a moment, hefting his laundry basket to get a better grip on it. “I know what will make you feel better.” Curious despite himself, he asked, “What?” “Hot chocolate. I‟ll make you a cup, with marshmallows. My mom always says chocolate cures everything.”

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Although he‟d just been telling himself he needed to stay away from Rob, he couldn‟t resist that smile. “That would be nice. Thank you.” Vince followed Rob up the stairs and into his apartment. He‟d never seen his neighbors‟ place before. The rooms he could see were surprisingly clean and neat for the home of four young men. The kitchen was almost spotless. Rob waved a hand toward one of the barstools at the kitchen counter. “Have a seat.” He turned and rummaged in the cabinets. Vince tried, unsuccessfully, not to watch him when he bent over to pull a small saucepan from a lower cabinet. The way Rob‟s jeans hugged his ass was so distracting Vince almost didn‟t hear his next comment. “My roommates are all out. Cody and Dustin are on dates, and Joe‟s in Kirksville visiting his girlfriend.” They were alone. There would be no one to interrupt if one of them happened to lean across the small countertop island and — No. Vince cut off the thought before he could go any further. He was not a teenager without any control. He would sit here and drink his cocoa like a civilized person and then leave. Obviously coming here had been a mistake. Trying to salvage what was left of his dignity before he did or said something stupid, Vince focused on what Rob was doing rather than the man

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himself. The other man had poured milk into the saucepan and was adding cocoa powder. He raised an eyebrow. “I thought you were offering me cocoa from a packet. You make it from scratch?” Rob ducked his head, looking almost shy. “Yeah, well, this is how my mom always makes hot chocolate for me. It always makes me feel better.” The sweet admission touched him. “I‟m sure it will make me feel better, too.” They were both quiet for a few minutes while Rob stirred the cocoa, added a bit more milk, and poured it into mugs. Vince had to grin when Rob topped both mugs with several mini-marshmallows. After blowing on the steaming drink a few times, he took a cautious sip. “This is delicious.” “Thanks.” Vince took another sip, and another. The cocoa really was delicious, hot, rich, and velvety-smooth. Rob‟s eyes twinkled at him over the rim of the mug. “Feeling better yet?” Rob seemed on the verge of saying something else, but the creak of the door opening stopped him. He looked toward the door. “Dustin. You‟re home early.”

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Vince glanced over his shoulder. Rob‟s roommate was in the living room, hanging his coat in the closet. “Yeah, Cathy‟s roommate got dumped and she needed a shoulder to cry on.” “That sucks.” “No kidding.” Dustin‟s eyes settled on Vince. “Oh, hey, Dr. N.” “Hello, Dustin. I‟m sorry your evening got cut short.” He was sorrier his time with Rob had been cut short. He knew he should be grateful to Dustin, however. Spending time with Rob alone wasn‟t a good idea. The redhead shrugged. “What can you do? I can‟t blame Cathy for wanting to help her friend.” Dustin‟s philosophical words made him smile. “That‟s a good way to look at it.” He turned to Rob. “Thank you for the cocoa. You were right, I do feel better.” Rob‟s deep brown eyes met his. “I‟m glad.” Uncomfortable, he broke their eye contact and stood. “You gentlemen have a nice evening.” Before the two young men could say anything else, he turned and fled.

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Chapter Seven “If it wasn‟t for bad luck, I‟d have no luck at all.” Unknown

“Come on, Rob. Haul ass, dude!” “I‟m coming, I‟m coming. Keep your shirt on.” With a final scowl at his reflection in the bathroom mirror, Rob stalked out into the living room. Dustin and Cody both stood near the door, waiting for him. He grabbed his coat out of the closet. “Okay, let‟s go.” “It‟s about time,” Cody groused as they headed for his car. “We‟re going to be late. I told Tina we‟d be there at nine.” Dustin snickered. “Are you scared she‟ll be mad? You‟re so whipped!” “Shut up!” Rob rolled his eyes and tuned out his roommates‟ bickering. For about the millionth time, he wondered why he was even coming with them tonight. It might be New Year‟s Eve, but he didn‟t feel much like partying.

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As he folded himself into a pretzel to fit into the tiny backseat of Cody‟s car, Rob thought about how much things could change in a short time. A couple of weeks ago he‟d been on cloud nine, certain Vince had finally noticed him. There had been something in Vince‟s eyes the night he had made them cocoa. He couldn‟t have imagined it. Then why is he avoiding you? He wanted to deny that Vince was avoiding him, but he had to face the truth. Since the night of the cocoa, Vince barely acknowledged him. Any time they ran into each other in the hallway, the older man would rush off like he was on fire. Though he tried not to let Vince‟s behavior get to him, he couldn‟t help being hurt each time. “Cheer up. We‟re going to a party, not a funeral.” Glancing up, Rob caught sight of Cody‟s eyes in the rearview mirror. They were locked right on him. He wanted to tell his roommate to mind his own business, but he could see real concern in Cody‟s gaze. He dredged up a smile. “I know. I‟ll have fun, I promise.” “Damn straight,” Dustin agreed.

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They arrived at the party about fifteen minutes late. Cody rushed inside to find Tina. Dustin trailed after him, still making smart remarks about him being whipped. His two roommates were already inside before Rob managed to clamber out of the backseat. Once inside, Rob made a beeline for the snack table. Not only was he hungry, but the snack table was usually a good place to people-watch. After snagging some cookies, chips, and other goodies, he opened up a bottle of water and found a nearby sofa to sit on. For a while he sat, eating and saying hello to people he knew whenever they came by. At one point a couple sat on the other end and started making out. He almost left to find a new place to sit, but they finally moved on. Watching everyone else having a good time made Rob wish he‟d stayed home. The festive atmosphere wasn‟t rubbing off on him at all. Instead, boredom and loneliness seemed to isolate him from the people around him. The cushion next to him was suddenly occupied. “Hey. You‟re Rob, right?” Startled, he almost dropped his plate. The guy next to him was cute, with longish blond hair and dimples. He didn‟t look familiar. “Yeah, I‟m Rob. Have we met?”

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The guy grinned. “No, we‟ve never met. I‟ve been to several of your swim meets, though. I‟m Brian.” “Nice to meet you, Brian.” He shook the hand Brian held out, startled again when the other man didn‟t let go right away. “I wanted to come over here earlier, but I was too nervous.” Rob knew he wasn‟t an intimidating guy. He laughed. “Nervous? Why?” Brian ran his thumb along the palm of Rob‟s hand, which he still hadn‟t released. “Because I think you‟re really hot.” Rob shivered at the sensation of Brian‟s thumb stroking his skin. Seven months of celibate singlehood weighed heavily on him, and it felt good to be touched. In his lonely state, Brian‟s dark eyes, full of admiration and heat, were temptation incarnate. Although part of him wanted to take Brian up on whatever he was offering, he knew he would regret it later. He opened his mouth to tell Brian as much, but before he could say anything someone lurched to a stop beside them. “Rob, I was lookin‟ for you.” His ex, Mike, swayed on his feet next to the couch, his expression mournful. Rob sighed. “What do you want, Mike?”

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Mike grabbed the hand Brian wasn‟t holding. “I wan‟ed to tell you I‟m sorry, an‟ I miss you.” If the slurred words hadn‟t clued him in, the whiskey breath would have. The last thing he needed was to have a confrontation with a very drunk Mike in front of all these people. “I‟m not doing this right now. You‟re drunk, and I already told you I don‟t want to talk to you anymore.” Glaring down at Rob and Brian‟s hands, Mike pulled him up. “C‟mon, Robby. I said I was sorry.” What did I ever see in this guy? Brian stood as well. “He said he didn‟t want to talk to you.” “Fuck you! I c‟n talk to him if I wanna.” Mike faced Brian, an angry scowl twisting his features. To Rob‟s annoyance, Brian squared off with Mike like he wanted to punch the drunken man. Rob moved between them. “Stop —” Mike‟s fist flashed out as Rob stepped between them, catching him at the top of his cheekbone. Even drunk, Mike could throw a vicious punch. Rob stumbled back into Brian. Seconds ticked by in absolute silence. He, Brian, and Mike all stared at each other. Then his brain registered the pain in his cheek.

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“You hit me.” Mike rushed over to Rob, face crumpling. “Rob, babe, „m sorry. I didn‟ mean to.” He held out his hands to ward the man off. “I don‟t care. Don‟t touch me.” “Rob,” Mike whined. “No. I‟m done with you.” All the bad feelings he‟d been having over the past couple of weeks coalesced into an icy ball of misery. Boredom, loneliness, confusion, and now the pain in his cheek wrecked whatever chance he‟d had of enjoying the party. “I‟m going home.” When Brian touched his arm, a hopeful expression on his face, Rob gave him a half-smile. “It was nice to meet you, Brian, but I don‟t think I‟d be very good company tonight.” “Maybe I‟ll see you around, then,” Brian offered. “Sure. Good night.”

Twenty minutes later, Rob climbed out of the cab he‟d called and slowly made his way into the apartment building. Tired, sore, and crabby, he trudged up

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the stairs. He didn‟t really pay attention to the footsteps coming up the stairs behind him until there was another person right next to him. A quick glance out of the corner of his eye told him the person was Vince. The thought of trying to talk to him and being rebuffed made Rob‟s heart ache, especially after everything else he‟d been through this evening. He decided to do what Vince had been doing to him — give him the bare minimum greeting to be civil. Only turning his head slightly, he muttered a hello. “Are you all right?” A little taken aback by the concern in the older man‟s voice, he turned to face him. Vince‟s eyes widened. “What happened to your face?” What do you care? You‟ve been ignoring me forever. Anger rising, he snapped, “I got punched. What does it look like?” Drawing back slightly, Vince gave him a level look. “I didn‟t mean to pry.” Sniping at Vince hadn‟t made him feel better at all. In fact, being a jerk made him feel a whole lot worse. “And I didn‟t mean to yell at you. I‟m sorry. I‟ve had a really bad night.” Vince gave him a tentative smile. “That‟s understandable.” He paused for a moment. “Did you have someone look at your eye?”

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“No. It hurts, but I‟ll live.” He shrugged. “I‟m sure you will, but why don‟t you let me look at it just to be safe?” He didn‟t really know what good having Vince look at his face would do, but he nodded anyway. “Okay.” Vince unlocked his apartment door. Rob trailed after him, raising a tentative hand to his cheek and hissing when he brushed over his swollen cheekbone. “Ow.” Pointing to the single barstool next to his kitchen island, Vince said, “Sit. I‟ll get the ice pack.” He sat while Vince turned on the light over the sink and rummaged in a drawer. After a couple of minutes, the other man triumphantly held up an oldfashioned soft ice bag with a screw-on cap. “I knew I had one of these around here somewhere.” He crossed to the refrigerator and started filling the bag with crushed ice. With a soft, tired sigh, Rob planted his elbows on the countertop and rested his chin in his hands. To distract himself, he glanced around the parts of the apartment he could see. Vince‟s place was neat and kind of plain. There wasn‟t much decoration on the walls or anywhere else. Nothing about the décor said “Vince” to him.

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From across the room, Vince spoke. “Did you get into a fight?” A bitter little laugh escaped. “Not exactly. I was at a party talking to this guy, and my ex showed up. He was incredibly drunk and ready for a fight. I tried to stop it, and he hit me instead of the other guy.” Vince‟s eyes widened with surprise. “He?” He didn‟t know I was gay? I must have been doing a terrible job hitting on him if he couldn‟t even tell! Rob frowned, annoyed by how completely he had misjudged the situation. “Yeah, he. I hope that doesn‟t bother you.” Vince shook his head. “No, not at all.” They lapsed back into silence for a few minutes while Vince finished his task. The quiet lulled him into a half-doze. When Vince appeared next to him, he jumped. The older man laughed quietly. “I didn‟t mean to startle you. Let me get a look at that eye.” A large, warm hand grasped his chin, tilting his face toward the dim light. Vince leaned forward, peering at his cheek and eye. “Well, your eye looks fine. No broken blood vessels or other signs of bleeding. I imagine the whole side of your face will be swollen and bruised for a while, though.”

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He managed a smile. “I guess that‟s what I get for getting in the way of a fist.” The corners of Vince‟s mouth turned up. Instead of removing his hand, he continued to hold Rob‟s face. His thumb traced a slow, careful path just below the bruised cheekbone. His pale eyes held compassion and something else Rob was afraid to name. Nearly undone by the tender touch and intent gaze, Rob closed his eyes. Everything within him seemed to strain toward that touch, that hand. Then Vince‟s mouth brushed his. At first, shock held him immobile. After all this time wanting and hoping, he couldn‟t believe Vince was actually kissing him. A part of him insisted this couldn‟t be real. Vince kissed him again, still so tentative. When Rob‟s lips parted on a whimper of pure need, Vince‟s tongue slipped into his mouth almost shyly. The sensation of a tongue stroking along his own, caressing the sensitive inner tissues of his mouth, made him shiver. Vince curled the hand that had been touching his face around the back of his neck and began to kiss him in earnest, devouring his mouth. Rob let him in, bringing a hand up to clutch at Vince‟s shirt to draw him closer.

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Vince moved to stand between his thighs, their upper bodies pressing together. Vince‟s chest was warm through his soft, well-worn shirt, and surprisingly hard. Rob cursed the clothing between them, wanting nothing more than to be skin-to-skin. Before he could put his thoughts into action, Vince jerked back. Startled, Rob opened his eyes. Several seconds passed. Vince stood staring, his breathing labored. Rob could see the moment regret set in. Those pale eyes went from hot with desire to ice cold in an instant. “Vince, what —” The other man cut him off. “This isn‟t going to happen. If you‟re looking for a daddy, you‟d best look elsewhere.” Rob gaped in shock, feeling like he‟d been punched again. What was Vince talking about? Vince‟s kiss-swollen lips twisted into a sneer. “I suppose you thought you‟d have some fun with the old guy after your New Year‟s plans got ruined. Well, think again. Go find someone your own age to play with.” Each word Vince uttered stabbed at Rob‟s heart like a knife. Confusion, anger, and most of all, hurt, swirled inside him, choking him.

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To his horror, he felt tears welling up. Swallowing them back, he stood. “I wasn‟t looking for a daddy. I‟ve got a dad already. I had this idea we were friends, even equals, and if I cared enough about you, maybe our ages wouldn‟t matter. I guess I was wrong. I‟ll just go back to my playpen with the rest of the stupid kids.” His voice broke right along with his heart. Desperate to get back to his own apartment before he fell apart, Rob whirled and rushed out of there. His shaking hands fumbled, but he finally got his apartment door open. The short hallway to his and Dustin‟s bedroom seemed three times longer than usual. When he reached his room, he curled up into a ball on the bed. The events of the past few minutes replayed in his head over and over like a bad dream he couldn‟t wake up from. How could things have gone so wrong? He‟d thought Vince liked him. Vince had kissed him first, and they‟d both enjoyed it. He knew Vince had enjoyed it. None of that mattered, though. Vince obviously thought he was an immature, user jerk of the lowest order. The pain in his cheek was nothing compared to the ache in his chest.

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Chapter Eight “At sixteen I was stupid, confused and indecisive. At twenty-five I was wise, self-confident, prepossessing and assertive. At forty-five I am stupid, confused, insecure and indecisive. Who would have supposed that maturity is only a short break in adolescence?” Jules Feiffer

By the second week of February, Vince had discovered a painful truth about himself. He was an idiot. Not just an idiot, but quite possibly the biggest idiot in the state of Missouri, if not the entire country. Nothing else could explain the cruel way he‟d treated Rob on New Year‟s Eve. He‟d said horrible things, hurtful things. The awful part was he‟d said them on purpose, knowing the effect they‟d have, and knowing full well they weren‟t true.

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Since then, he‟d barely seen Rob. He knew the younger man was avoiding him. When he did see Rob, Rob looked away from him without speaking. Even though he had been the one to cause the rift between them, he missed their talks. Worst of all were the times he spotted Rob with other young men who weren‟t his roommates. In all the months they‟d been neighbors, he‟d never seen Rob come home or leave with anyone other than his three friends. Watching him do so now continually reminded Vince of the kiss, and the aftermath. He dreamed about that kiss. Most mornings he woke up hard like he had when he was much younger. Unlike his younger days, however, he woke up alone, missing something he‟d never even had. On the way to his night class, he passed Rob coming up the stairs, an attractive blond following him. Rob didn‟t even glance at him. Vince couldn‟t help torturing himself with thoughts of the other man being Rob‟s new lover. The mere thought filled him with an aching emptiness. After his class, he stopped by his office, ostensibly to work. In reality, he just didn‟t want to go back to his apartment yet. He sat at his desk, thinking about the strange feelings plaguing him. The framed photo of Dean he kept on his desk caught his eye. Although he‟d taken the picture more than ten years ago, he still remembered the day. They‟d

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been on vacation at the Grand Canyon. Dean had been staring out at the canyon, his expression full of awe and joy. Vince had snapped a picture when Dean turned to him to share his excitement. Twenty years together, and they‟d gone by in the blink of an eye. He picked up the photo and traced his finger over the beloved face. What would Dean say about his attraction to Rob? He knew his lover wouldn‟t want him to be alone. Would Dean think he was crazy to have feelings for someone so much younger than him? Probably not. A true romantic, Dean probably would have thought it was sweet. Unfortunately, he‟d missed his chance. He‟d taken what Rob tried to give him and thrown it back in his face, in the cruelest manner possible.

On Friday night, Vince took advantage of the empty laundry room rather than attempting to go out. Ed had offered to set him up on another date, an offer he‟d turned down with alacrity. Thinking about his last blind date led him to the cocoa Rob had made for him, which reminded him of how foolish he‟d been. He didn‟t need any more reminders.

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While the laundry dried, he went back to his apartment and attempted to grade some essays. He was relieved when the timer he‟d set went off, signaling the end of the dryer cycle. He snagged his laundry basket on the way out the door. The mindless task of folding his laundry proved to be soothing. By the time he folded the last towel and stacked it on top of the others, he felt more relaxed than he had in quite a while. His relaxed state was shattered, however, when the door opened and Rob entered the laundry room. The younger man‟s attention was focused on keeping hold of the basket he carried, which kept him from noticing Vince right away. Vince took the moment to study him. Faint shadows darkened the skin beneath those big, dark eyes. Rob‟s face looked drawn and tired, and unhappy. Vince hated seeing happy, cheerful Rob looking so down. He couldn‟t help but feel that some of Rob‟s unhappiness was his fault, even though he knew the young man had probably gotten over the horrid things he‟d said weeks ago. Hefting his own basket, he decided to leave without drawing attention to himself. His movement must have caught the other man‟s eye. Rob‟s gaze fell on Vince, and he frowned. After a brief pause, Rob half-turned as if to go. Though Vince knew he deserved such a reaction, it still cut deep. “Stay. I‟m finished.”

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A few quick strides carried him past the younger man and to the doorway. Once there, he couldn‟t make himself leave. He hated the painful silence between them, and the heavy regret in his heart. I have to apologize. I may not be able to set things right, but I can‟t leave them this way either. Squaring his shoulders, he turned to face Rob. “There‟s something I need to tell you before I go.” He took a deep breath. “On New Year‟s Eve, I said a lot of things to you. I didn‟t say them because I believed them. I said them because I was afraid.” Rob stared at him, expression skeptical, but said nothing. Vince gave him a sad smile. “It‟s true. I was terrified. I‟m a boring college professor almost twenty-five years older than you are. The last time I started a relationship was before you were born. We‟re in different places in our lives. I couldn‟t believe you would stay interested in me for long, and the idea of being hurt again…I just couldn‟t face it.” He sighed, suddenly weary. “I don‟t expect you to forget what I said, or even forgive, but I want you to know how sorry I am.” Not daring to look at Rob for fear of seeing disgust or dismissal in his face, Vince spun on his heel and tried to flee. A hand on his arm stopped him. Still, he didn‟t turn. Fear of what he‟d see froze him in place.

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Voice low, Rob asked, “Are you sorry because you hurt my feelings, or because you wanted to be with me?” He closed his eyes and whispered the truth. “Both.” Rob pulled his arm, drawing him around to face the younger man. Vince took another deep breath for courage and opened his eyes. Rob‟s gaze met his. The emotion in those deep brown eyes stunned him. Rob reached up and cupped his unshaven cheek. “I want to be with you, too. And I don‟t care how long it takes, I‟ll show you I‟m going to keep you.” “Rob.” An almost unbearable longing welled up. Words fled, leaving him helpless. Warm, firm lips covered his own. He groaned into the kiss, opening to admit Rob‟s questing tongue. The flavors of mint and man washed over him. His hands released the basket he held of their own accord. Thoughts of the safety of Rob‟s toes flew away as Rob kicked the basket aside and closed the distance between them. A desperate whimper escaped him at the press of Rob‟s firm body against his own. They stumbled back the few steps into the wall, their lower bodies grazing. He thrust forward instinctively, causing his cock to rub against Rob‟s. The brief contact sent pleasure coursing through him.

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“God,” Rob choked out, pushing him harder against the wall. Almost painfully aroused, Vince speared his hands into Rob‟s short, dark hair and kissed him harder, devouring him with lips and tongue. Rob tugged at his tucked-in shirt, yanking it free. Air rushed over his back, cooling him, until Rob‟s hot hands slid up the bare skin of his back. He shivered at the exquisite sensation. An unexpected voice broke into the haze of desire. “Hey, Rob, have you — oh shit!” They sprang apart, whirling toward the intruder. Rob‟s roommate, Dustin, stood staring at them, his eyes wide as dinner plates. “Dude! You could warn a guy.” Rob‟s cheeks flushed crimson. “Has anybody ever told you your timing needs work?” The redhead cracked up. “All the time, bro.” Charmed by Rob‟s blush, Vince couldn‟t get too upset at Dustin. He laughed too. Rob rolled his eyes. “What did you want, Dustin?” Still snickering, Dustin managed, “I wanted to know if you‟d seen my iPod, but I can tell you‟re busy.” He grabbed Rob‟s laundry basket from the table where

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he‟d left it. “I‟ll take these upstairs for you. I‟m thinking you might have other plans now.” With that parting jab, Dustin left the laundry room. Vince looked over at Rob. Rob peered back at him, eyes wide, face still pink with the remnants of his embarrassment. Several seconds passed while they stared at each other. Then Rob‟s lips twitched, just a little, and they were both laughing. Soon Rob was doubled over with the force of his laughter. “Did you see Dustin‟s face? Talk about surprised to see us!” Thinking of the redhead‟s astonished expression, Vince broke into fresh chuckles. “I hope we haven‟t scarred him for life.” Rob shook his head. “Nah, Dustin‟s tough. He even sat through Brokeback Mountain with me without giggling or getting all grossed out like Cody did.” Vince remembered the reactions of his friends and his roommate when he‟d come out his senior year of college. The majority of them hadn‟t taken the news well at all. They would have been disgusted to walk in on him kissing another man, yet Dustin had been amused. Maybe that was a sign of the times? “Good for him. He doesn‟t disapprove?”

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“Of me being gay? No. We‟ve been best friends ever since we met on the first day of swim practice. I came out to him a couple weeks later, and he was cool with it.” Rob shrugged, grinned. “He knows he‟s not my type.” “And what is your type?” Vince teased, moving closer. Rob rubbed his chin, pretending to think. “Hmm…I‟m kind of partial to sexy professors who live across the hall from me.” “Doesn‟t that limit your dating pool?” His question was only half-joking. A tiny part of him still wondered if their age difference would one day be a problem. Catching Vince‟s right hand, Rob brought it up and pressed a soft kiss to the palm. “Yeah, down to one, which is just the way I want it.” Although he usually considered himself to be more rational and logical than sentimental — not that he‟d been particularly rational lately — Rob‟s words touched him, melting the last of his resistance. He squeezed Rob‟s hand. “That‟s the way I want it, too.” “Good.” There was a long pause while they gazed into each others‟ eyes. Finally, Vince shook off his sappy trance. “As much as I enjoy the laundry room, we should probably go somewhere else.”

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“Yeah, you‟re right.” Rob bent down and gathered up the clothing he‟d scattered when he kicked Vince‟s basket out of the way. When he finished, he lifted the basket. “Your place?” Vince nodded, reaching for the laundry. “I can carry it.” Rob held the basket away with an impish grin. “I know, but I want to impress you with my muscles and my incredible politeness.” Laughing, Vince gave up. “Well, you‟re succeeding. Let‟s go.” They left the laundry room and went upstairs. Once they were inside the apartment, he took the basket from Rob and set it in a corner where it wouldn‟t get in the way. Rob perched on the barstool, watching him. Vince couldn‟t help watching Rob right back. God, he‟s beautiful. A mixture of awe, desire, and nerves filled him. He hadn‟t been with anyone since Dean. He hadn‟t wanted to. Now he had the desire, but he wasn‟t sure he had the skill. He‟d only had one real lover, and his handful of other experiences had been well over twenty years ago. What if Rob thought he was terrible in bed? The thought made him cringe. Rob‟s eyebrows drew together. “What‟s wrong?” Embarrassed, he crossed the room to the kitchen. “Would you like something to drink?”

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Crossing his arms, Rob frowned. “No, thank you. Don‟t try to change the subject.” His face heated. “I‟m a little nervous.” “About what, specifically?” Rob propped his elbows on the countertop, leaning toward Vince. His face felt so hot he was sure it would catch fire. How could he phrase his fears without sounding completely ridiculous? Once again, he felt much too old to be having such silly fears. “I‟ve been single for three years. Before that, I was with the same man for twenty. I don‟t want to disappoint you.” Rob considered Vince‟s words. “I‟m nervous too, Vince. I‟ve been single for eight months now, and I don‟t have that many years of experience in the first place. Plus…” Rob paused for a long moment, as if debating with himself whether to continue. After a deep breath, he did. “You were with someone for twenty years. You must have loved him a lot. It‟s kind of intimidating trying to follow that.” He grimaced, his eyes asking for understanding. “God, I hope this isn‟t coming out wrong.” He‟s nervous too. I never thought he might feel the same way I do. Vince rounded the counter and stood beside Rob‟s barstool. “I know what you mean.”

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Rob‟s anxious expression turned into a wry smile. “I‟m all for laundry room make-out sessions, but maybe we should take this a little slower. I‟d rather take our time and do this right than rush it and screw up everything.” Rob was more patient than Vince expected, and wiser. Taking their relationship slowly sounded like a good idea to him. Or at least, it sounded good to his brain. At his age, he found listening to his brain rather than other, lower, parts of his anatomy wasn‟t as difficult as it used to be. The intense attraction he felt to the younger man would make resisting a bit tougher, but he could do it. Sometimes anticipation made things sweeter in the end. He smiled back at Rob. “I like that idea.” “I‟m glad.” Rob slid off the barstool and moved closer, putting his arms around Vince‟s neck. “How about we plan to meet tomorrow night and do something together?” Vince wrapped his arms around Rob and held him close, the warmth comforting him. “Sounds good.” “Okay, I‟ll come over at six, if that‟s okay?” He nodded. Rob gave him a wide grin. “Great. I‟ll see you then. I‟d better get going tonight though, or I‟ll have trouble sticking with the plan.”

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Before Vince could say anything else, Rob leaned in and kissed him gently. He drew back after only a moment. “„Night, Vince.” “Goodnight, Rob. I‟ll see you tomorrow.” Rob squeezed him tight for a moment. “I can‟t wait.”

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Chapter Nine “Young people have an almost biological destiny to be hopeful.” Marshall Ganz

On Saturday morning, Rob awoke early. He considered staying in bed, but a quick glance at the clock told him his alarm would be going off soon, anyway. With the A-10 Championships only a few days away, he couldn‟t afford to miss a minute of practice. Plus, he had the additional incentive of the date he‟d arranged with Vince tonight. He needed to start thinking about what they should do. Rob stretched, yawning, and climbed out of bed. Dustin stirred in his bed across the room. From the mountain of blankets he was encased in, he groaned, “Tell me it‟s not time to get up.” “Sorry, can‟t do that.” Rob pulled on a SLU tee shirt and a pair of blue and white warm-up pants. Thinking of the cold weather yesterday, he tugged a hooded sweatshirt over his head. “Aw, I don‟t want to.”

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Dustin‟s whining made him laugh. “You shouldn‟t have stayed up so late last night playing video games. I had a better excuse to stay up late, and I went to bed earlier than you.” More grumbles issued from the lump on the bed. “Just „cause you didn‟t get laid last night doesn‟t mean you can take it out on me.” “Low blow, Dustin. Not everyone hops into bed right way, you know.” Finally, his roommate threw off the covers and sat up. “I know.” Dustin‟s bright green gaze met his. “I think Dr. N‟s a good guy. If you‟re serious about him, don‟t let anybody change your mind.” “I won‟t. Thanks.” The show of support was nice. Not everyone would be so accepting. He already knew Cody would disapprove. Joe‟s preoccupation with his own relationship might keep him from having an opinion one way or another, but if he wanted to be realistic, Rob would have to admit that many of his friends and family members would think Vince was way too old for him. I won‟t let them get to me. I know what I want. Vince had the total package — the man was sexy, kind, intelligent, and interesting, not to mention mature and responsible. While that might not have done much for other guys his age, Rob valued those things highly.

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Noticing Dustin had dressed, he motioned for his friend to precede him out of their room. “Get a move on, man. We don‟t want to be late to practice.”

After practice ended, Rob and Dustin went back home. Rob still didn‟t have any idea what he and Vince would do later. Dustin wasn‟t any help, either. All of his suggestions involved bars, which Rob didn‟t enjoy very much since he didn‟t drink, or places Vince probably wouldn‟t like. A little frustrated, Rob decided to work on homework for a while instead of worrying. Musculoskeletal Pathology had been kicking his butt lately, and all the swim meets hadn‟t helped. He opened up his book and focused on studying. The sound of the front door closing loudly pulled his attention from his work hours later. He looked at the clock. To his horror, the bright red numbers read five pm. He had to meet Vince in an hour. Not only had he not thought of anything for them to do, but he also had to get ready. He still wore the clothes he‟d worn to practice earlier. Panic began to set in. He jumped up from the bed and rushed down the short hall to the bathroom, which he found already occupied. Annoyed, he made a

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detour to the living room. Joe was on the phone while Dustin sat on the couch, sorting through the mail. Cody must be in the bathroom. Dustin looked up. “Mail call.” He tossed a stack of mail at Rob. Rather than sticking together, the envelopes scattered, landing on the floor. “Gee, thanks.” Rob bent down and gathered his mail, too used to Dustin‟s antics to get mad. A red envelope caught his eye. He subscribed to a by-mail movie rental service, and his latest movie had arrived. If he remembered correctly, he‟d requested a fairly new gay romantic drama. Maybe he and Vince could watch it together. The click of the bathroom door opening told him Cody was done in there. He hurried in, stripped, and showered in record time. He might have taken longer, but only a few minutes after he started the water Joe pounded on the door, yelling at him to hurry up. He rolled his eyes but complied. When he shut off the water and toweled himself dry, he realized he‟d forgotten clothes. Wrapping the towel around his hips, he opened the bathroom door. Joe stood outside, tapping his toe and frowning. His expression went from impatient to an amused smirk in about two seconds. “Nice outfit.”

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Rather than getting embarrassed, Rob struck a pose. “Thanks. I‟m starting a trend.” Joe covered his eyes. “Aw, come on, man! Go put on some pants, at least.” Laughing, Rob left the bathroom and went to his room. He dropped the towel in the hamper and put on a pair of his newest boxers. A glance at the clock told him he still had over thirty minutes to get ready. He should have had plenty of time. Of course, Cody called his name before he could find something to wear. He grabbed his best pair of jeans, pulled them on, and went to answer the summons shirtless. Halfway down the hallway, he met Cody. His roommate handed him the cordless phone. “It‟s your mom.” He took the phone and flopped down on his bed. “Hey, Mom. What‟s up?” “Your dad and I reserved our room for the championships. We‟re at the Holiday Inn, room 310.” He scribbled the information on a scrap of paper. “Cool. Are you bringing the brats?” She laughed. “Deacon and Dalton tried to beg us into letting them come, but they need to be in school. They‟ll stay with your grandma.” He laughed, easily able to picture the twins begging to come.

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His mom continued, “You should have seen their puppy-dog faces. I think your dad almost caved, they looked so sad. Luckily they had a big field trip at school, and that distracted them. I don‟t envy their teacher.” Rob didn‟t either. The twins could be wild sometimes. “Do you have all the times for your races yet?” He shifted on the bed, wondering how hard it would be to get off the phone. He didn‟t have much time. “I‟ve got most of them. I‟ll email them to you later, okay?” “That‟ll be fine, honey. Oh, did you hear your cousin Ann is getting married?” Jeez. Like he cared. He hadn‟t seen Ann in at least five years. Before he could say as much, his mom continued. “Candace called me yesterday and told me. It‟s about time, I‟d say. Ann and her fiancé have been together for seven years. Candace is so excited. She‟s already picking out flowers and who knows what else, even though Ann just told her a couple of days ago. You know how she is.” Another glance at the clock showed he now had ten minutes. A surge of alarm made him jump up from the bed. “Mom, I‟ve got to go. I have a date tonight, and I‟m going to be late.” His mom sounded pleased. “A date? That‟s wonderful, honey! Have fun.”

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“I will. I‟ll call you tomorrow.” He jabbed the talk button to end the call. At the closet, he pulled out a white tee shirt and a khaki sweater. A pair of khaki socks and his seldom-worn brown Oxford shoes completed the outfit. Dustin came in as he peered at himself in their cracked full-length mirror, trying to make his short hair lie down. He grinned nervously at his roommate in the mirror. “Will I do?” After giving him a quick once-over, Dustin nodded. “You look fine. Besides, I bet Dr. N would think you looked good even if you were wearing your ratty old sweats.” “I hope you‟re right. I‟m kind of nervous.” Dustin shrugged. “Who isn‟t, on a first date? It‟ll be okay.” Strangely enough, the little pep talk made him feel a tiny bit better. “Thanks. I‟ll see you later.” On his way out, he picked up his coat, wallet, and keys, as well as the movie. Maybe Vince had thought of something for them to do, but if not, they‟d have a backup plan. He was across the hall and at Vince‟s door in only a few strides. He paused there for a few seconds to take a deep breath. He was still nervous, and full of anticipation.

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Finally, he knocked on the door. He didn‟t have to wait long. The door opened in less than a minute. Rob drank in the sight of Vince standing in the doorway, dressed in a pair of casual khaki slacks and a white button-up shirt. On him, the look was effortlessly sexy. Taking things slowly would be even harder than he‟d anticipated. “Hey.” Real smooth, dummy. The second his mouth opened, he wanted to roll his eyes at himself. How inarticulate could he get? “Come on in.” Vince stood back to let him pass. He came in, stopping just past the entryway. “After I left last night I realized we didn‟t make specific plans. Was there anything you wanted to do?” Vince gave a helpless shrug. “Dinner? I don‟t really know what you like to do.” Knowing Vince had grappled with the same problem he‟d had made him feel a lot less inept. He laughed. “I had the same thought earlier. Dinner sounds great. If you don‟t want to stay out after, I have a movie we could watch. I don‟t know if it‟s your type of movie or not…” He offered a shrug of his own. “It‟s not a slasher movie or one of those horrid teen comedies, is it?” He gave a theatrical shudder. “No.” Vince smiled. “Then let‟s watch the movie.”

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Rob smiled back, pleased he‟d be able to spend some time with Vince alone. “Cool. Where do you want to go? I‟ll drive, if you want.” “Do you like Thai food? There‟s a little place on Delmar that‟s good.” He nodded. “Thai‟s good. I‟ll eat pretty much anything.” They left Vince‟s place and walked side-by-side to the parking lot. Rob pointed out his car and unlocked the doors with the key fob. As they got in, Vince gestured toward the rear windshield. “I think I would have been able to pick out your car without you pointing it out.” “All the SLU and swimming stickers gave me away, huh? I guess I‟d better not use this as a getaway car, then.” Vince chuckled. “I‟m sorry your life of crime got cut short.” “Oh, well. I was too busy to fit a crime spree in this semester, anyway.” He started the car and pulled out of the parking lot. The Thai restaurant was on the section of Delmar known as the Loop. He‟d always liked the Loop, with its eclectic selection of shops, restaurants, and clubs. Rob found a parking spot about a block away from the restaurant. “Brr. I‟m glad I brought my coat.” Rob shivered in the cold air.

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“I‟m looking forward to spring.” Vince finished buttoning his coat and Rob fell into step beside him. Within a few minutes they reached the small restaurant. Rob held the door open for Vince. Vince smiled his thanks. “Do you want to eat here, or should we get takeout?” Takeout? Did that mean Vince was as eager for them to spend time alone together as he was? Rob smiled back. “Let‟s get takeout.”

Half an hour later, they were back at Vince‟s apartment with a bag containing Pad Thai and several other dishes Rob had never tried. Vince motioned for him to put the bag on the coffee table and went into the kitchen. “Would you like something to drink? I‟ve got water, juice, milk, or iced tea. I made decaf, since I knew you don‟t drink caffeine.” Rob paused in the middle of taking the food cartons out of the bag, a little thrill going through him at Vince‟s words. He remembered. “Tea would be great, thanks.” After a few minutes of rattling around in the kitchen, Vince returned to the living room bearing a tray with two glasses of iced tea, plates and silverware, and a

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container. He set the tray down and gestured at the container. “I didn‟t know if you wanted sugar or not.” Rob shrugged. “I can drink tea with or without sugar. Dustin always tells me the only real tea is sweet tea. He freaks when I drink it unsweetened.” Vince smiled. “Let me guess. You drink it that way just to bother him.” “I would never do such a thing,” he answered, his voice full of false innocence. “Oh, of course not.” Together, they finished setting the containers of food out on the coffee table. The scents of coconut, chili, and lime permeated the air, making him hungry. They sat on the couch side by side, each dishing up small portions of the different foods. To a guy who generally ate the college student diet of pizza, cereal, and burgers, the flavors were fascinating. He also found Vince fascinating. He knew he had it bad when just watching the older man eat was enough to distract him from his own food. Vince‟s hands were long and lean, with graceful, tapered fingers. The thought of those hands on his skin made him shiver. Putting down his fork, Vince opened the last container, seemingly oblivious to Rob‟s stare. “Are you ready for dessert? The sticky rice and mango is excellent.”

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“Sure.” Vince scooped a small amount of fruit and rice onto his plate. He picked up a bit of mango and popped it into his mouth, humming with pleasure. “Mm, good.” He snagged another piece and held it out toward Rob. Rather than taking the bite with his fingers, he leaned forward and took it with his mouth. His lips closed briefly around Vince‟s fingers, his tongue grazing them. Vince‟s eyes widened. He looked shocked but also kind of turned on. Rob pulled back, surprised by his own behavior. His face heated. He tried to be cool, like he‟d planned what he‟d just done. The sweet flavor of the mango warred with the salt taste of Vince‟s skin. They stared at each other for a long moment. Vince smiled and picked out another piece of mango, one eyebrow raised as if in challenge. This time Rob took the fruit with his fingers. Instead of just eating it, he swiped it across Vince‟s lips, laughing at Vince‟s expression. The man looked torn between being affronted and amused. Still grinning, Rob gave Vince what was supposed to be a quick kiss. Vince‟s lips were sweet and sticky, and he found himself lingering, drawing out the kiss until they both groaned.

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Then a little voice in his head reminded him they were supposed to be doing dinner and a movie, not each other. Yet. He broke away, trying to calm his pounding heart and act normal. “You want me to put in the DVD?” Vince‟s cheeks were red, and he was breathing fast, but he nodded. Rob stood and went to the kitchen to get the movie, grateful for the chance to compose himself. He found the disc on the counter, and inserted it into the DVD player. By the time he reached the couch again, Vince had dimmed the lights and turned the TV on. Vince cleared his throat. “What movie are we watching?” “It‟s called Shelter. I‟ve heard good things about it.” About half an hour in, Rob scooted closer to Vince on the couch. “Is this okay?” Vince gave him a soft smile and put an arm around his shoulder, drawing him even closer. “It‟s very okay.” With a happy sigh, he snuggled into Vince‟s side. He savored the subtle scents of spicy cologne and warm man. After a few minutes, Vince‟s fingers started stroking his arm in an almost absent fashion, as if the man wasn‟t aware of what he was doing. The two men kissing and touching on screen made him almost painfully aware of Vince sitting next to him, and the light touches on his arm. A few times,

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during the hottest scenes, Vince‟s arm tightened around him, and once Vince nuzzled against his hair. The arousal he‟d managed to hold down flared up until he wanted nothing more than to push Vince down on the couch and kiss him senseless. Only his promise to take it slow held him back. When the movie reached its happy conclusion, Rob expected Vince to want to discuss the movie or something — anything to dispel the tension in the room. Rather than shutting the DVD player off and turning the lights on, however, Vince turned to him, an intent look in his light eyes. His heart pounding, Rob looked right back. Vince didn‟t smile, didn‟t speak. Instead, he leaned down and took Rob‟s mouth in a sudden kiss. Rob opened to him with a moan. Their tongues tangled, slick and hot. Vince moved against him, and Rob let himself be pushed down onto his back on the cushions. The press of Vince‟s weight above him was unbearably arousing. The feel of one of Vince‟s hands sliding along his shoulder and arms made him shiver. Finally, Vince broke the kiss and laid his head on Rob‟s shoulder, panting. Rob reached a hand up and stroked the soft, dark hair, lingering on the silver at the temples. Desire still throbbed through his veins, but he knew Vince had been right to stop. If they‟d gotten much further, stopping would have been even harder than it was going to be now.

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“Sorry,” Vince whispered against his neck. “I didn‟t mean to do that. I hope you know I‟m not trying to be a tease.” Rob kissed the top of Vince‟s head. “I know. I‟m the one who came up with the bright idea of taking it slow. Besides, I happen to think you‟re worth waiting for.” Vince laughed quietly. “I hope that‟s true.” Rob laughed with him. “I know it is. I had a really good time tonight.” “Me too.” “Kiss me goodnight?” Vince lifted his head and kissed him again, a sweet, gentle press of lips. One kiss melted into several before he got the willpower to stop. This time he broke the kiss, and they sat up. Never one for beating around the bush, Rob came right out with what he wanted. “I want to see you again. Preferably soon.” “I‟d like that.” Vince opened a drawer in the end table beside the couch, reaching inside to grab something. It was a business card. He flipped it over and scribbled some numbers on the back. “Here are my home and cell phone numbers.”

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“Can I borrow your pen?” Rob wrote his own numbers on another of Vince‟s business cards. “I‟ve got the championships in New York starting on Wednesday, so I‟ll be out of town all week. Can we get together when I get back?” “I‟m counting on it.” Rob stole one last, quick kiss. “I‟ll see you soon, Vince.” The smile Vince gave him made him feel like he could jump tall buildings.

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Chapter Ten “Learning to live in the present moment is part of the path of joy.” Sarah Ban Breathnach

Vince was in the middle of an incredible dream when the slamming of a nearby door woke him. He groaned as the scene involving himself and Rob on the couch vanished. The reality of being in bed alone with a dream-induced erection was disappointing at best. He sighed and started to get up, but paused. The remnants of the dream called to him, leaving his body clamoring for release. For the first time in a long time, he wanted to do something rather than just letting his arousal subside on its own. Closing his eyes, he imagined Rob next to him in bed. The hand he slid down his chest became Rob‟s. When his palm grazed the hardness tenting his sleep pants, he moaned at the jolt of sensation. Impatient now, he pushed his pants and boxers down over his hips. Eyes still closed, he ghosted his fingertips over his bare cock, letting his mind fill in the details.

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Rob teased him with a few more feather-light touches, laughing when he growled in frustration. “You want more?” “You know I do.” “Your wish is my command.” The grip on his erection went from teasing to firm instantly. Rob stroked him from base to tip, adding a little twist at the head. Gasping, he threw his head back. “God, that‟s so good.” Rob‟s slim, strong hand continued to work him with hard strokes, keeping him on the edge. He couldn‟t help thrusting into the hand gripping him. It had been a long time for him — he wouldn‟t last long. “I‟m close.” “Come for me, Vince.” As he spoke, Rob cupped Vince‟s sac with his free hand, massaging his balls. His orgasm boiled through his veins, drawing him tight as a bowstring. “Rob!” He cried out in a strangled voice, hot ropes of semen coating his chest and stomach. The pleasure seemed to go on and on, but finally he fell back to the bed, panting, spent. Awed by both the pleasure of his release and the vivid intensity of his imaginings, Vince didn‟t move for several minutes. His body hummed with the aftereffects of his orgasm, while his mind whirled with a mixture of confusion

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and...Was that happiness he felt? How sad to think he‟d been coasting along on mere contentment for such a long time he almost couldn‟t recognize happiness when he felt it. He said the words aloud, testing them. “I‟m happy.” Then the absurdity of lying in bed half-naked and covered in his own semen hit him, and he laughed. If Rob were here to laugh with him, it would have been perfect.

The sky had begun to darken by the time Vince returned to the apartment building after his run, refreshed and pleasantly tired. He walked into the vestibule at a brisk pace, planning to go straight upstairs, but the open doorway of the laundry room distracted him. He peeked in on his way past. Inside, seated at the tiny plastic table in the corner, was Rob. He smiled at the sight of the younger man hunched over a thick textbook, his head in his hands, an expression of intense concentration on his face. Vince didn‟t want to interrupt Rob‟s studying, but he couldn‟t seem to make himself walk away. This could be their last chance to see each other before spending a week hundreds of miles apart.

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Hoping his intrusion wouldn‟t annoy Rob, Vince went into the laundry room. He didn‟t speak until he neared the tiny, rickety table. “Finally getting to that laundry?” Rob‟s scowl of concentration disappeared, replaced by a brilliant smile. “Hey, Vince. I‟ve been thinking about you all day.” “You have?” The words warmed him more than he would have thought possible. Rob nodded. “I was wishing I could see you, but I figured we were both too busy.” Feeling a bit guilty, Vince looked down at the big textbook. “I‟m sorry if I interrupted your studying. You must have a lot to do before you leave.” “I‟m pretty well caught up. I‟m really glad you came in.” Rob gave him another of those sweet smiles. “I am, too.” Encouraged, he dared to reach out and brush his fingers along the top of the hand nearest to him. Rob turned his hand over, catching Vince‟s fingertips. Even such a small, innocent touch made his chest tighten. A sudden surge of courage made him grasp Rob‟s hand and pull the younger man up from his chair. Rob‟s eyes widened with surprise. He seemed to be about to speak.

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Rather than explaining his unexpected move, Vince kissed Rob‟s open mouth. Rob melted against him, kissing him back. The instant, passionate response made his insecurities seem silly and unimportant. He smiled against Rob‟s lips, happy all over again. When he drew back at last, Rob gave him a quizzical look. “What was that for?” He shrugged, still smiling. “I just thought you might need something to remind you of me while you‟re gone all week.” Wrapping his arms around Vince‟s waist, Rob hugged him tight. “Is it weird that I think I‟m really going to miss you?” “If it is, we‟re both weird. I‟m going to miss you too.” Rob laid his head on Vince‟s shoulder. “I‟ll come and see you as soon as I get back.” Vince said nothing. Instead, he concentrated on the warm firmness of the man in his arms, breathing in the soft scents of some kind of fresh, citrusy shampoo and Rob himself. After several minutes, he sighed. “I should let you finish your laundry and studying.”

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“Yeah, I guess.” Rob drew back and gave Vince a quick kiss. “Goodnight, Vince.” “Goodnight.”

As Vince had predicted, he didn‟t get to see Rob again before he left for New York. He had a full schedule of classes on Monday, and several meetings to attend. He imagined Rob was equally busy getting things ready for his trip. By the time he got home Monday evening, he was tired enough not to think too much about Rob. He ate dinner, graded a few papers, and went to bed early. Tuesday and Wednesday passed in much the same, if less busy, fashion. He went to work, taught his classes, graded papers, and came home. His routine was the same as always, yet he felt different. He missed Rob. On Wednesday evening, his phone chimed, signaling he‟d received some kind of message. Looking at the display, he saw an unfamiliar number had sent him a text message. Curious, he opened it. The short message read: Miss u.

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If the warmth that spread through him at the two word message was disproportionate to its significance, he didn‟t care. Rob missed him. He could feel himself grinning like a fool, glad no one else was around to see. Despite his extreme dislike of text messaging, he texted back: I miss you too. He could have saved time by sending something like Miss u 2, but even in his sappy state he refused to use poor grammar. Thursday evening, the phone rang. He answered without looking at the display. “Hello?” “Vince, it‟s Rob.” At the sound of the younger man‟s voice, his heart beat a little faster. “Rob, hello. How‟s the meet going?” “Pretty good so far. I got twelfth in the 100 free. My relay team took second. I don‟t dive until Friday.” Rob sounded tired, but pleased. Vince smiled. “It sounds like you‟re doing well.” “I guess so. My mom and stepdad are acting like I‟m Michael Phelps or something.” Rob laughed.

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Vince heard the love behind his joking tone and marveled at it. His own parents had been cold, distant people, even his mother before she died. And that was before he told them he was gay. “Do your parents know?” “About what? Me being gay?” “Yes.” “Sure. I told them a long time ago. They‟re cool with it.” Vince‟s own parents could hardly have been less “cool” with his gayness. He was glad Rob hadn‟t had to go through what he had when he came out. “That‟s good.” “My parents are awesome.” Rob paused for a moment. “How‟s your week going?” “I‟ve gone to work and graded a lot of papers. Nothing exciting.” “No hot dates while I‟ve been gone?” Was there a thread of actual worry in Rob‟s voice? Vince‟s eyebrows went up. “The men aren‟t exactly lined up at my door, you know.” “I don‟t see how they aren‟t.” Vince laughed. “I don‟t think you have anything to worry about on that front.”

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“Good.” Rob sighed. “It‟s getting late and I have to be up early. I guess I‟d better let you go.” The reluctance in Rob‟s voice warmed him. “All right. Goodnight, Rob.” “Goodnight. I‟ll see you in a few days.” When Vince hung up the phone, he couldn‟t stop smiling.

By Sunday afternoon, Vince was both bored and lonely. In the past couple of years he‟d grown used to being alone. Now, after only a few days of having someone in his life, he‟d somehow lost the protective shell he‟d built. It was disconcerting, to say the least. At lunch with Ed, his friend remarked on his restlessness. “You‟ve been different all week. Are you all right?” He shrugged off Ed‟s concern. “I‟m fine.” “Are you really?” The other man paused for a moment, considering. “If you‟re lonely, I could set you up again. I know the first time didn‟t work out, but —” He cut his well-meaning friend off hastily. “No! Thank you for offering, but, well, I‟m sort of seeing someone.”

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Ed‟s salt-and-pepper eyebrows shot up. “You are? Since when? Do I know him?” “Since a few days ago. And no, you don‟t know him.” He hadn‟t meant to say anything. Now he was stuck. He hoped Ed would let the whole thing go. “What‟s his name? What does he do? And why haven‟t I met him?” Vince had to laugh at the barrage of questions. “His name is Rob. He‟s out of town this week.” Maybe his friend wouldn‟t notice he hadn‟t answered the second question. “How did you meet this guy? And you didn‟t tell me what he does.” A mixture of exasperation and annoyance made him frown. “Are you my mother now?” Ed‟s eyes widened. He looked astonished, and maybe a bit hurt. “I‟m sorry if I‟m being too nosey. You haven‟t dated in years. I can‟t help being curious about the man you‟d choose after all this time.” He sighed. “I‟m sorry, too. I shouldn‟t have snapped at you. It‟s just that Rob and I haven‟t discussed our relationship yet. I don‟t want to go around telling everyone.” Ed rolled his eyes in a surprisingly teenager-like fashion. “I‟m not „everyone.‟ You know I‟ll keep anything you tell me in confidence.”

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That was true enough. And Vince did want to tell someone. “Rob is a neighbor. I met him a few months ago. He doesn‟t have a job right now. He‟s a student.” “A student? How old is this Rob?” “He‟s twenty-one.” “Twenty-one?” His friend‟s voice rose. People at other tables turned to stare at them. Noticing them, Ed lowered his voice. “What are you doing, Vince? At least tell me he doesn‟t go to Washington University. He‟s not one of your students, is he?” “Of course not! Do you really think I‟d do something like that?” “No,” Ed retorted, “but I didn‟t think you would date a kid less than half your age either.” Vince stood, angry. “I thought you of all people would at least listen before you judged. I see I was wrong.” Ed held up a hand. “You‟re right, I‟m being judgmental. I‟m surprised. Wouldn‟t you be, in my place?” He thought of his friend, a confirmed bachelor, telling him he was dating a twenty-one-year-old woman. He sat again. “I suppose I would be.” “Tell me about this guy. Help me understand what you see in him.”

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He told Ed about his initial attraction to Rob, and how he thought it wouldn‟t go anywhere. He talked about their chats in the hall, and the trip to the coffee shop. He even told Ed about some of the more recent events, although he left out quite a few details. His friend didn‟t need to know everything. When he finished, they sat in silence. After a few minutes, Ed spoke. “If this guy makes you happy, I‟m happy for you. Just be careful, okay? I don‟t want to see you hurt.” He met Ed‟s eyes. “I didn‟t plan this. I‟ve had the same thoughts you‟re having over and over for the past few months. But I think I‟ve made the right decision.” Ed smiled. “Good. Now I can stop looking for dates for you.”

On Sunday evening, Vince heard a knock on his door. Rob had said he‟d come by when he got back. Could it be him? Vince‟s heart leaped at the thought. Rob stood in the doorway, looking exhausted but hopeful. “Hey. Sorry for coming by so late, but I wanted to see you tonight.” A rush of joy filled him. “I‟m glad you did. Come in.” He shut the door and ushered Rob toward the sofa. “Would you like something to drink?”

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Rob sat. “No, thanks.” His host duties done, Vince sat as well, near the other man. “How did the diving go?” Rob‟s whole face lit up. “I won! You should have seen my last dive. I was trying for a high degree of difficulty, but I‟ve had trouble with the dive before. I was really nervous. Then I got up there and dived, and I knew I‟d nailed it.” “You won? That‟s wonderful!” Pride and happiness had him sweeping Rob into a tight hug. Rob returned the embrace wholeheartedly. “Thanks. The entire SLU team did well. It was fun, but I‟m tired. And I missed you like crazy.” “I missed you, too.” He rested his cheek on Rob‟s hair. Rob smelled like shampoo and a little like chlorine. “I guess I‟d better go home,” Rob muttered against his chest, voice reluctant. “I‟m going to fall asleep on you.” Vince laughed softly. “We can‟t have that.” Rob sat up, stretching and yawning. “Want to get together next weekend, when I‟m caught up on work and sleep?” He grinned. “Do birds fly? I‟d love to.”

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After Rob left, he thought about Ed‟s warning to be careful. It was easy to throw caution to the wind when he and Rob were together. If they kept taking things slowly, getting to know each other as they had been, everything would be fine. Ed had nothing to worry about, and neither did he. He hoped.

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Chapter Eleven “There is only one success: to be able to spend your life in your own way, and not to give others absurd maddening claims upon it.” Christopher Darlington Morley

On Saturday, they went to a dinner theater. It was held in a historic mansion which had been built in the 1860s. Many of the family members who lived there had died mysteriously or killed themselves, giving the place the reputation of being haunted. The history of the building only made the place more intriguing in Rob‟s mind. Inside the mansion, Rob looked around at the period furnishings. “Wow. This place is really cool.” Vince grinned. “Very cool.” Rob laughed. The hostess smiled at them. “Hello, gentlemen. What name is your reservation under?” Vince stepped up to her. “Vince Norton.”

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She peered down at the reservation book in front of her. “Ah, here we are. You‟ll be at table nine.” She handed them each an envelope. “Your roles and lines are inside. Enjoy your evening.” Rob tore open his envelope, scanning the paper inside. “I‟m Herbert Lewis, a millionaire who made my fortune in shady business deals.” Vince opened his as well. “I‟m Brock Ashton, a dimwitted athlete.” Rob snickered. “Do you want to switch, Dr. Norton?” Vince rolled his eyes. “Hush, you.” He might have said something else, but they reached the dining room. They found their table easily. A family of five was already seated at one end. Vince nodded at them. “Hello.” They all nodded or smiled back. The man at the head of the table wore a button with the words “Kiss me, it‟s my birthday!” printed on it. Rob grinned at him. “Happy birthday.” The man looked down at the button and sighed, and then he gave Rob a wry smile. “Thank you.” Rob and Vince sat on one side of the table. A few minutes later, a couple in their early thirties took the seats across from them.

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The woman smiled at them. “Hi. I‟m Nina, aka Selena Lewis, and this is Rick, who didn‟t want any lines.” Vince raised an eyebrow. “Lewis? Wasn‟t that your last name, Rob?” Rob looked at his slip again. “Yeah, I‟m Herbert Lewis. You must be my wife.” He fake-leered at Nina, who giggled. “I don‟t think I could be your trophy wife, honey. I‟ve got at least ten years on you. You can be my trophy husband, instead.” They all laughed. Before Rob could say anything else, waiters started bringing out food. The steak, vegetables, and baked potatoes were good, and conversation lagged while everyone ate. Right after the waiters delivered dessert, a delicious chocolate mousse, the mystery began. An actor in period dress ran in, crying out that Mr. Dylan was dead, shot twice in the chest. Several actors and guests proclaimed their innocence. An actor playing a policeman arrived a few minutes later, carrying a notepad and scowling. “I‟ve looked at the body, and determined Mr. Dylan was killed within the past few minutes. That means almost any of you here at the party could have killed him.”

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The birthday guy at their table spoke up. “Well it wasn‟t me. I had no motive.” Nina was next. “Except for the fact that he left you money in his will, you mean.” A woman at another table gasped and pretended to faint. The action came fast and furious after that. One actor in particular raised Rob‟s suspicions. He‟d never considered himself much of a detective, but he had a hunch the guy was guilty. The policeman interrogated several of the actors and actresses and people at different tables before he stopped at Rob and Vince‟s. He glared down at them. “What about you, Mr. Ashton? You were angry with Mr. Dylan because he wouldn‟t let you marry his daughter.” Vince cleared his throat and looked at his paper. “It couldn‟t have been me. I hurt my hand in a tennis match, so I can‟t even hold a gun.” The policeman rounded on Rob. “And you, Mr. Lewis. He refused to sell his business to you.” Rob scowled. “And now that he‟s dead, I still won‟t get the business. His son will.” Nina chimed in. “My husband would never stoop to murder.”

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The actor didn‟t appear convinced. “Oh really? People who don‟t do what he wants seem to turn up dead a lot.” Getting into his role, Rob sneered. “It isn‟t my fault they have bad luck.” Next to him, Vince snickered. The actor moved on to another table, and more clues came out. Rob scribbled everything down with the stub of a pencil an actress had passed out earlier. At the last table, the policeman rubbed his chin. “I know who the killer is, but do you? I will reveal the solution in ten minutes. You have five minutes to write down your guess and turn it in to a waitress, and then all will be revealed.” Rob picked up one of the solution sheets from the table and circled Thomas Jackson, the character he‟d initially been suspicious of. The man had motive and opportunity, and the means as well since his family owned a gun factory. The promised ten minutes passed, and then the policeman stood in the center of the room. “The killer is Thomas Jackson! Mr. Jackson, you are under arrest for the murder of Alonzo Dylan.” “Thomas Jackson” glared at the policeman and the audience. “I had to do it! He was going to take over my family‟s factory. I couldn‟t let him do that.” “Save your story for the judge.” The policeman handcuffed the other actor and dragged him out of the room.

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Rob pumped his fist. “Ha! I knew it.” Vince smiled. “Excellent deduction, Sherlock. I thought the disgruntled exservant was the killer.” “Well I thought it was you.” Nina pointed across the table at Rob. “You were at the scene of the crime, and you had motive.” Everyone laughed. “I am a pretty shady character,” Rob agreed. “But it wasn‟t me. Now, if this were real life…” He waggled his eyebrows in a comically sinister way. The waiters chose that moment to announce the prizes given to a few of the people who‟d guessed the killers correctly. Rob bounced in his seat like a little kid when he heard his name. Their waiter handed him a coffee mug emblazoned with the mansion‟s logo and a drawing of the building. “Check this out.” He turned to show the mug to Vince, who was watching him, an indulgent smile on his face. “Congratulations. You‟ll have to start drinking coffee now, since your swimming season is over.” He grimaced. “Ugh, no thanks. I love the smell of coffee but it tastes awful. I‟ll stick to hot cocoa.”

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The woman from the family at the other end of the table was looking at them. She had a sort of sappy expression. Rob wondered what she was thinking. Then everybody started getting up to leave, so he put the thought aside and followed the crowd. He and Vince were a few feet behind her as she turned to her husband and said, “Isn‟t it sweet to see a father and son coming to one of these dinners together?” Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Vince‟s face wavering between amused and horrified. Knowing how self-conscious Vince was about their age gap, he set a quick pace out of the building and to the parking lot. Once they were on the road, Vince spoke. “She thought I was your father.” “We know you‟re not. Do you really care what other people think?” He didn‟t ask the question lightly — a lot depended on Vince‟s answer. “I don‟t know. Sometimes I tell myself I don‟t, but if I‟m being honest with myself, I have to admit it‟s hard not to care. She was only thinking what I‟ve thought myself. I am old enough to be your father.” Rob sighed. “If we‟re going to do this, we can‟t always be worrying what other people are going to think. They‟ll think what they want, no matter what we do.” Without taking his eyes off the road, he laid his right hand, palm up, on

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Vince‟s knee. “I was upset at first when I found out Cody thought you were too old for me. The thing is, I think us being together is right. I‟m not letting somebody‟s disapproval get in the way of that.” Vince grasped his hand, lacing their fingers together. “But…” There was a long pause. “What if your parents don‟t approve? Then what?” He could feel how important this was to Vince. He considered his answer, determined to be honest and clear. “I would be upset. I love my parents and value their opinions. In the end, though, it‟s my choice, not theirs. If talking to them, explaining how I felt, didn‟t help, I‟d keep seeing you anyway. I don‟t want you to think I‟d be trying to rebel against them or whatever. I‟m an adult, and I‟m going to do what makes me happy.” Another long, oppressive silence filled the car. Vince seemed to be mulling his words over. The lack of response made Rob nervous, but he tried not to fidget. Vince needed to make his own decision about whether or not their relationship should continue. After what felt like an eternity, Vince squeezed Rob‟s hand. “How did you get to be so wise?” He shrugged. “I was just born that way, I guess.”

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He could hear the smile in Vince‟s voice as he replied. “You‟re right. We both need to do what makes us happy. And you make me happier than I‟ve been in a very long time.” Relief burst over Rob, sharp and sweet. “I‟m glad.” Although he hadn‟t meant to bring the topic up in the car, a question popped out anyway. “So are we, like, officially together now?” The words hung between them. Did I just say „like?‟ Wonderful. Could I sound any more like a teenager? Rob‟s cheeks burned, and he knew he must be blushing. The way he was acting would definitely not impress Vince with his wit and maturity. Laughing quietly, Vince squeezed his hand again. “If by „officially together‟ you mean, do I want us to see each other and no one else, the answer is yes.” Yes! Inside, he was pumping his fist and jumping up and down, but outwardly, he just smiled. This time he would play it cool. “Good.” Rob‟s attempt to play it cool didn‟t last long. Rather than simply holding his hand, Vince was doing things with his thumb. Rob‟s growing arousal ratcheted up several notches when Vince‟s thumb caressed the sensitive skin of his palm and wrist. He shivered. Vince chuckled. “Am I bothering you?”

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“No.” Vince lifted Rob‟s hand to his mouth. At first, he only pressed little kisses against it. He murmured, “What about now?” as Rob pulled into the apartment‟s parking lot and parked the car. Then he teased Rob‟s index finger with his tongue. Rob whimpered, closing his eyes. “Vince.” His whole body came alive at the sensation of Vince‟s tongue against his skin. Pulling his hand away, he put the car into park and shut off the engine. More than anything, he wanted to go up to Vince‟s apartment. Was this Vince‟s way of saying it was time to stop taking things slowly? There was only one way to find out. He turned back to Vince. Before he could say anything, Vince spoke. “I know it‟s late, but would you like to come over for a while?” He couldn‟t seem to get his mouth to form words. Instead, he nodded. They got out of the car and hurried to the vestibule. If he hadn‟t been so turned on, he might have laughed at their haste. They practically ran up the stairs. Vince unlocked his door and they entered in silence, Vince pausing to place Rob‟s mug carefully on the kitchen countertop.

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The instant Vince turned back toward him, Rob pounced. Their nearmatching heights made things easier. He just yanked Vince to him and covered the older man‟s mouth with his own. Vince groaned against his lips and kissed him back. It wasn‟t a gentle kiss. It was all tongues and a hint of teeth, hard and full of pent-up desire. He held the back of Vince‟s head with one hand to keep their contact, while Vince ran both hands up under his sweater. The touch of those warm, slightly calloused hands against the smooth skin of his back made him want even more. He mirrored Vince‟s move, tugging Vince‟s shirt free from his slacks with his free hand. He explored Vince‟s back, his fingertips lingering over warm, sleek skin. Vince let his head fall back, breaking the kiss. “Rob.” The perfect column of Vince‟s throat called to him. Rob turned his attention to the sensitive skin there, dropping openmouthed kisses from Vince‟s jaw down to the collar of his shirt. That seemed to energize Vince. He took Rob‟s mouth in another deep, almost desperate kiss. He didn‟t back off until they were both breathless. They stared at each other, each breathing heavily. Vince had never looked more attractive than he did at that moment, with his cheeks flushed, his lips puffy,

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and his hair rumpled. Rob wanted to tear off all his clothes, yet at the same time he wanted to hold him and protect him. He‟d never felt anything similar before, but somehow he wasn‟t scared at all. There was a sense of rightness about the moment that filled him with certainty. It also allowed him to put aside his desire a little to make sure Vince felt the same. He ran a hand through his hair and took a calming breath. “This is putting a huge strain on my willpower. If you think we‟re going too fast, better tell me now.” Vince held out his hand. “I think we‟ve taken it slow long enough, don‟t you?” Rob took the offered hand and let himself be led out of the room.

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Chapter Twelve “There is no such thing as pure pleasure; some anxiety always goes with it.” Ovid

Leading Rob down the hall to his bedroom, Vince tried to stifle a sudden attack of nerves. He‟d been celibate for three years. That was a long time. Could he make this good for Rob? And what would Rob think of his almost forty-six-yearold body? When they reached his room, he paused for a moment, wondering whether or not to turn on the light. His inner debate was abruptly cut off. As soon as they were through the doorway, Rob kissed him again, busy hands going to work on his shirt buttons. Shrugging off the lighting issue, he tugged Rob‟s sweater up. They had to break apart long enough for him to yank the garment over Rob‟s head. The body revealed was a work of art. Broad shoulders and a wide, strong, hairless chest tapered down to a flat stomach. Awed, Vince reached out to touch, watching, fascinated, as the muscles moved under the skin.

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“You‟re incredible.” Rob ducked his head, a faint blush coloring his cheeks. “It‟s the swimming.” No matter what it was, it was sexy. Vince teased a nipple with his fingertip, making the tiny nub tighten. Rob hissed. In retaliation, Rob finished unbuttoning Vince‟s shirt and pushed the soft cotton over his shoulders. The garment fell to the floor. His nerves surged fullforce. He stood anxiously in the dim light, knowing he was nowhere near Rob‟s league physically. He tried to keep himself in decent shape, but his stomach wasn‟t as flat as it used to be, and he‟d been finding more and more gray in his chest hair over the past couple of years. Rob‟s eyes showed only appreciation and desire. “I knew you‟d look good under all those conservative clothes, but I had no idea how good.” Now it was Vince‟s turn to blush. Maybe Rob couldn‟t see him in the dark. “I look like what I am, a middle-aged man.” In a flash, Rob closed the small distance between them. “You‟re exactly what I want. Now, strip.” Vince laughed. He unfastened his slacks and pushed them down over his hips, along with his boxers. Rob did the same. There was no awkward standing around naked. The ice had been broken by Rob‟s order. By unspoken agreement,

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they went to the bed. Rob waited while Vince pulled the comforter and top sheet down, and they climbed in. Vince took a brief moment to gaze at Rob, the only man who‟d ever been in this bed with him. Something about that simple fact warmed him. He reached out to cup the back of Rob‟s neck, drawing him in for a brief kiss. “What do you like?” Rob grinned. “Just about everything I‟ve tried, and probably a lot I haven‟t. I‟m easy.” Rob‟s answer made him laugh again. “I was trying to ask if you‟d like to bottom or top. I can do either, but I admit I prefer to top.” Rob gave him a smoldering look. “Good. I want you in me.” Vince drew Rob into his arms. Their mouths and bodies met at the same time. Two sets of hands set to work, exploring and mapping warm, bare skin. Vince moaned when Rob‟s fingertips ghosted over the spot on his hip that sent sparks of arousal all through him. Rob squirmed when Vince‟s hands smoothed over his chest. Wanting Rob to come first, Vince broke the kiss. Without warning, he moved down Rob‟s body and latched onto a nipple, his fingers continuing to tease the other one.

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“Vince, God, that‟s,” Rob choked out. Vince bit down lightly. An inarticulate cry — pleasure, not pain — greeted the action. Encouraged, he continued to lick and suckle the little brown bud. He kept going until Rob was writhing beneath him. Finally, he moved further down, where Rob‟s erection stood straight out from his body, clearly wanting attention. He was just the man to give it. Keeping his eyes on Rob‟s face, he took Rob‟s cock into his mouth, savoring the musky scent of arousal and the nearly forgotten tastes of clean skin and salty-bitter precome. Rob sucked in a sharp breath, his dark eyes watching Vince with something close to awe. “Don‟t stop.” Stopping was the last thing on Vince's mind. All he wanted to do was give Rob as much pleasure as possible. He started out slow, lapping at the head and the very top of the shaft, not taking much in. To add more sensation, he wrapped his hand around the base of Rob‟s erection, matching the movements of his mouth to his hand‟s stroking. “More. Please.”

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At Rob‟s plea, he redoubled his efforts, teasing Rob‟s balls with his free hand. His fingers slid along the perineum, closer and closer to Rob‟s entrance. When he brushed the hole itself, Rob let out a ragged cry and came. Vince swallowed and kept sucking until Rob was completely spent. After releasing the softening erection, he rested his head on Rob‟s thigh. His own body clamored for release, but he was content to wait for a few minutes. Rob reached down to pet his hair in silent appreciation. Neither of them said anything for a while. Then Rob‟s cock twitched, trying to fill again. This was obviously one of the pluses to having a much younger lover. Vince grinned and peered up at Rob. “Again? You‟re going to wear this old man out.” Rob smirked. “We haven‟t even started yet, old man. I believe it‟s your turn?” “I believe you‟re right.” Vince moved back up the bed to lie beside Rob. “Roll over.” Raising an eyebrow, Rob did as he was told, getting up on his hands and knees. “Yes, sir!” Vince smacked his butt hard enough to sting a little. “Brat.” Undaunted, the younger man wiggled his ass, taunting. “You like it.” “I do,” he agreed. “But you‟re talking too much.”

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The best way to quiet Rob would be to get him too aroused to talk. It didn‟t take Vince long to think of the perfect way to do just that. Grasping the taut globes of Rob‟s ass in his hands, he spread them apart. Then he leaned down and ran his tongue between them, barely grazing Rob‟s hole. Rob tensed. “Vince!” Vince did it again. This time, he went slower, tracing around the edges of the tiny, puckered opening. Rob shoved back toward him, making desperate little mewling sounds. Taking pity on him, he pushed his tongue inside Rob‟s body. The sound Rob made was almost like a sob. “Oh, fuck, please.” He‟d never heard Rob curse. Pleased at the sign Rob had lost control, Vince continued to tease his entrance with his tongue, adding a spit-moistened finger. By the time he added a second finger, Rob had lost any semblance of coherence. With his free hand, Vince managed to fumble for the top drawer of his nightstand. He got the drawer open after a couple of tries and fished out a tube of lubricant. He had a moment of panic when he thought of condoms, but then he remembered the five-condom sample pack Ed had given him a couple of weeks ago. Although he‟d been embarrassed at the time, now he was grateful for Ed‟s foresight. His floundering hand finally got one of the condoms torn off the strip, and he was ready.

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The snap of the tube‟s cap opening got Rob‟s attention. He lifted his head and turned a wild-eyed gaze on Vince. “Now? Please?” Vince smiled. “Yes, now.” Rob sighed. “Thank God.” The eagerness was flattering. He sheathed himself in latex and poured a generous amount of lube into his palm. Quickly, he slicked himself and pushed two well-lubricated fingers into Rob. Rob‟s body took the fingers easily, so he pulled them out and replaced them with his erection. Not coming within the first minute proved to be difficult. The hot, tight grip of Rob‟s ass on his cock felt incredible. He closed his eyes, breathing deeply and concentrating on holding back his climax. Rob‟s wiggling didn‟t help. He slapped his butt. “Be still.” “God, that‟s hot. Do it again,” Rob muttered. Vince grinned and smacked him again, grateful for the distraction. His arousal subsided just enough for him to be able to thrust the rest of the way in. “This is going to be quick.” “S‟okay. Just do me.” Rob shoved back to meet his next thrust, and they were off.

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The hot friction of each thrust tightened his balls, warning him his orgasm was imminent. He moved faster, fucking Rob deep and hard. Rob took what he gave and cried out for more. When he knew he couldn‟t hold back any longer, he reached around to bring Rob off with him. One touch sent Rob over the edge, spurting all over his stomach and the sheets. Vince cried out as Rob‟s body clamped down on him. He came in a rush of white-hot feeling. Several minutes passed before he could gather the presence of mind to pull out carefully to take care of the condom. When he came back to the bed, Rob was blotting ineffectually at the sheets with some tissues. Rob looked over at Vince and grinned. “Not bad, for an old guy.” He laughed. “For that, you‟re sleeping on the wet spot.” His grin not wavering in the slightest, Rob flopped down on the bed. “If I get to sleep with you, I don‟t mind.”

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The next morning, a soft rustling sound dragged Vince out of a deep sleep. He opened his eyes, the bright light making him blink. He looked around in confusion. “Good morning.” Rob. He smiled at the younger man, who was about halfway down the bed, lying on his side, propped up on one elbow. “Good morning. What are you doing down there?” “Let me show you.” Without giving him a chance to think, Rob leaned down and nuzzled his cock. He yelped. Rob snickered, eying Vince‟s rising erection. “Someone‟s glad to see me this morning.” “Don‟t make me spank you again,” he joked. Rob‟s dark eyes took on a wicked glint. “You say that like it‟s a threat.” Vince went from half-hard to fully hard in about two seconds. Whether his arousal was from Rob‟s expression or his words was debatable, but he didn‟t care to examine the reason. Rob‟s hot mouth took his erection in, and his brain shut down.

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If watching his cock disappear between Rob‟s lips was incredible, what Rob did next blew his mind. Head bobbing, one hand fondling Vince‟s balls, Rob reached down and grasped his own erection with his free hand. He stroked himself, keeping his hand and mouth in sync. Vince stared down at him, speechless. Then Rob tensed and came, his teeth grazing Vince as ropes of white shot onto the sheets and Vince‟s leg. His own orgasm hit him unexpectedly, wrenching a ragged cry from his throat. Letting his head fall back, he stared at the ceiling. “I think that might have been the hottest thing I‟ve ever seen.” After a few seconds, Rob appeared in his field of vision. He was smiling. “I try.” “Come here.” He pulled Rob on top of him and kissed him. The kiss was sweet, tender, without the wildness of the previous night. He liked knowing they could have both. Rob broke the kiss and snuggled up against him. He smelled like fabric softener, sex, and Vince‟s new favorite scent — the shampoo/man/chlorine blend that was uniquely Rob. “If I didn‟t have so much homework, I‟d stay here in bed all day, with you.”

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The thought was tempting. Vince trailed his fingers over Rob‟s shoulder, enjoying the feel of his lover‟s skin. “If I didn‟t have paperwork to do and lectures to plan, I‟d take you up on that.” Rob sighed. “Stupid real life. I guess I‟d better get up and get back to it.” “I suppose we both should.” Neither of them moved. Rob nuzzled his chest. “We‟re going to do this again soon, right?” You have to ask? He peered down at Rob‟s face. The younger man was smirking up at him. He laughed. “Brat.”

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Chapter Thirteen “Whoever is happy will make others happy, too.” Mark Twain

Rob felt like dancing, or maybe bursting into song, as he walked across the hall to his apartment. His hair looked like he‟d slept in a briar patch and he wore last night‟s rumpled clothes, but he couldn‟t have been happier. Whistling tunelessly, he unlocked the door and let himself into the apartment. Dustin sat at the tiny kitchen table eating cereal. From his zombie-like stare, he must have just gotten up. He quirked an eyebrow at Rob. “Dude. Where‟ve you been? Wait, let me guess.” Rob grinned. “You do that. I‟m going to have a bowl of cereal.” He poured a big bowl of Cheerios and a bunch of milk and took the bowl to the table. Dustin scowled. “Oh, man! Life‟s so unfair. You got laid last night, and I had to play video games at home because Cathy‟s parents are in town.”

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“Aw, I‟m so sad for you. Especially after all those times you pointed out that you were getting laid regularly and I wasn‟t.” His best friend adopted a wounded air. “That‟s cold, dude. Real cold.” “Yeah, you‟re really hurt. I can tell.” Rolling his eyes, he ate a big spoonful of cereal. He was suddenly ravenous. Glancing around dramatically as if to make sure they wouldn‟t be overheard, Dustin leaned forward. “So, how was it? Is Dr. N awesome in bed, or what?” He smiled. “Not that it‟s any of your business, but yeah. Awesome doesn‟t even begin to describe it.” His friend hooted. “Ooh! That‟s even more unfair.” “Yeah, well. Not everyone can be as lucky as I am.” He shrugged, grinning. Dustin scowled, mock-angry, and flicked a Cheerio at him. Rob ignored it. Nothing could get him down this morning.

Rob‟s elation carried him through a busy, tedious week. He spent all day Friday on campus, first in class and later at the library. By the time he got home, he was exhausted, but he wanted to see Vince badly enough not to care. They were supposed to go see some play being put on at Wash U. After the week he‟d had, he

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wasn‟t looking forward to sitting through a play, but he put on a pair of slacks and a nice shirt anyway. He‟d take a trip to the moon if Vince wanted him to. A couple of minutes later, he knocked on Vince‟s door. He heard Vince call, “Come in,” so he did. Vince was coming from the bedroom as he walked in. Their eyes met, and Vince‟s lips turned up in an almost shy smile. “Hi.” Rob took in the pale blue shirt and charcoal slacks Vince wore. The shirt matched Vince‟s eyes. “Hi yourself. You look great.” “Thank you.” Vince crossed the distance between them, coming to a stop inches away. His brow wrinkled slightly as he studied Rob. “You look tired.” Rob might have been insulted if he hadn‟t known it was true — he knew he looked pretty close to as bad as he felt. “I am. It‟s been a rough week.” Vince nodded, seeming to come to a decision. “Let‟s skip the play and stay in.” Not wanting to ruin the evening Vince had planned, he shook his head. “We don‟t have to do that. I don‟t mind seeing the play.” Vince put a finger to Rob‟s lips, shushing him. “I know you don‟t mind, and I appreciate that, but I can see how tired you are. I‟m tired too. The only thing I really wanted to do tonight was spend time with you. I can do that here just as well as at a play. Maybe better.”

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“True.” Grinning, he unbuttoned the top button of his shirt, then his cuffs, and rolled his sleeves up. If they were staying in, he wanted to be comfortable. Vince gave him an amused look. “Shall I call and have something delivered?” The loud growl his stomach made answered the question. Vince went to make the call.

“Rob.” A gentle nudge woke him from a light doze. Confused, he opened his eyes and blinked in the dim light. Seconds passed before he realized he was at Vince‟s, on the couch. He remembered them stretching out to watch TV. He‟d been halflying on Vince, his head pillowed on Vince‟s chest... Apparently, he‟d fallen asleep. Great. He hoped Vince didn‟t think he was bored. Embarrassed, he risked a glance up. Vince was looking down at him, a soft smile on his face. “Welcome back, sleepyhead.” He grimaced. “Jeez, I‟m sorry. I must have been more tired than I thought.” The arm around his chest squeezed him in a half hug. “I won‟t hold it against you if you want to go home and get some rest. I can take a rain check.”

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Vince‟s words underscored how different he was from the other men Rob had dated. In his experience, guys his age were all about sex. They wouldn‟t have been content with cuddling on the couch. None of his previous boyfriends had even liked cuddling after sex. The memory of one guy gathering up Rob‟s clothes for him and telling him to drive safely — about five minutes after they‟d slept together — flitted through his mind. Vince would never treat him that way. He couldn‟t believe how lucky he was to have somebody like Vince. His thoughts turned to the previous weekend. Just thinking of the things Vince had done to him made him a lot less tired and a lot more turned on. If he had the choice between going home to sleep and staying here for a repeat performance, there was no way he was going home. He met Vince‟s eyes. “I was kind of hoping I could sleep here, with you.” “Just sleep?” The teasing tone made him grin. “Eventually.” Vince laughed. “Let‟s go to bed.” They stood, each stretching. Vince turned off the television, casting the room into near-darkness. Together, they went down the hallway to Vince‟s room, lit only by the muted, orangey glow of the parking lot lights through the blinds.

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In silence, they stripped off their clothes and climbed into bed. Vince reached for him, hands running over him with an unexpected gentleness. Their lips met in a whisper-soft kiss. The wild urgency of last week was gone, replaced by something infinitely sweeter. When Rob lowered himself onto Vince‟s waiting erection a few minutes later, it was more than sex, at least to him. He gazed down at the body he was beginning to know, the man he was beginning to care for, and knew this was different from anything he‟d felt before. Even his orgasm was sweeter for being shared with someone special. Afterward, when Vince drew him into an embrace and kissed the top of his head, Rob was sure he felt the same.

The next few weeks only added to Rob‟s certainty that their relationship was special. Saturday morning, Vince suggested he might like to leave a few things at Vince‟s apartment for when he stayed over. He brought a toothbrush and a few items of clothing. Seeing his things next to Vince‟s didn‟t scare him at all. No matter how corny the idea was, their things looked right together.

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He felt right when they were together. Despite the insane amount of work he had to do for school, he spent quite a bit of time at Vince‟s place. He didn‟t spend the night. Instead, he came over for a few hours several evenings and did his homework while Vince did his own work. Vince came up with the idea when he dropped by one Sunday and heard Rob‟s roommates playing video games loudly while Rob was hiding in his room trying to concentrate. The peace and quiet at Vince‟s helped him concentrate, and the companionship was nice, too. At the end of another busy week, they celebrated by going to a St. Louis Symphony Orchestra performance. Rob had always secretly liked classical music, so he enjoyed the concert a lot. After the show, he spent the night at Vince‟s. The next morning, he awoke to the scents of coffee and something sweet. He considered going back to sleep, but decided to get up and see what the smell was. Stretching and yawning, he padded barefoot into the kitchen. Vince stood near the stove, sorting through a stack of mail. His reading glasses were perched on his nose, and he wore flannel pajamas. Unlike Rob, he never walked around in his boxers. No matter what he wore when he went to sleep — which was often nothing when Rob was over — he always put on either pajamas or regular clothes before he left the bedroom. Rob thought the habit was

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cute. The reading glasses only added to the appeal in his mind. Vince looked so professor-ish when he wore them. Keeping his steps quiet, Rob approached Vince. When he got close, he wrapped his arms around the older man and leaned into his back. “Good morning.” Vince put down the mail and turned, pulling Rob closer. “Good morning. You‟re freezing.” He grinned. “You‟ll have to warm me up.” “Hm… Tempting, but you‟ll have to wait until the muffins are done.” The mention of food distracted him a little. “Muffins? What kind?” “Banana walnut.” Rob was about to mention how much he loved banana walnut muffins when a bright blue envelope with a big “Happy Birthday” sticker on it caught his eye. It was addressed to Vince. Would Vince really let his birthday go by without even telling him? He gave Vince a narrow-eyed look and pointed to the envelope. “Is it your birthday?” Vince‟s cheeks reddened. “Almost.” He frowned. “Almost? When is it?” “Wednesday. I‟m going to be forty-six.”

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Wednesday. Wait a minute… “Your birthday is April first?” Rolling his eyes, Vince nodded. “Go ahead, make a joke.” He figured he was mature enough not to call Vince an April Fool, or something like that. Besides, the man had surely heard all the jokes before. Instead, he hugged his lover tight. “I‟m not going to make a joke. You‟re just about the least foolish person I know. Plus, I want some muffins.” For a long moment, Vince just stared at him. Then he smiled. “I should have known. You only want me for my muffins.” He nodded, mock-serious. “Well, the muffins and the incredible sex.” Vince burst out laughing. Looking at his happy, laughing lover, Rob‟s heart swelled with joy. For the first time in his life he had exactly what he wanted.

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Chapter Fourteen “Happiness is the interval between periods of unhappiness.” Don Marquis

On Wednesday morning, Vince didn‟t wake up feeling unhappy about being another year older, or being annoyed about having such a ridiculous birthday. Instead, he awoke cheerful from an enjoyable dream, and thinking of the day ahead with anticipation. Rob had instructed him to keep his evening free, but hadn‟t told him why. He couldn‟t wait to find out. Later that morning, Vince came home from his early class to find the message light on his answering machine blinking. He punched the play button and started to fix himself a cup of coffee. “Mr. Norton, this is Dr. Cohen at Boone Hospital Center. I‟m calling regarding your father, Caleb Norton. Please call me as soon as possible.” The man gave a telephone number and the hours he could be reached, and the message ended.

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A kernel of worry blossomed in Vince‟s chest. He hadn‟t spoken to his father in a very long time. What could have happened? He picked up the phone and dialed the hospital. At last the doctor picked up the phone. “Dr. Cohen.” “This is Vincent Norton. You called about my father?” “I called you because your father has been diagnosed with a malignant brain tumor. We‟ve determined that his cancer is inoperable.” The carafe slipped from Vince‟s nerveless fingers, shattering in the sink. “A brain tumor? You‟re sure it‟s inoperable?” “Yes. He‟s elected not to take chemotherapy or radiation, as neither would do much to extend his life at this point.” Stunned, horrified, yet also strangely numb, he mumbled, “How — how long?” The doctor‟s voice became even more sympathetic. “We can‟t say for certain, but I would estimate no more than two months, probably less.” Vince stared down at the broken glass, wondering how he was supposed to feel. He and his father hadn‟t spoken in a long time. Even before he‟d come out, the man had barely seemed interested in his only child. After he‟d come out, his father had been contemptuous of him. Why would his father want him now? Perhaps the

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doctor had gone looking for Caleb Norton‟s next of kin and found him. “Did he ask you to call me?” “Yes, Mr. Norton. He specifically requested we notify you.” No matter what his feelings toward his father were, he couldn‟t turn away when he was needed. He swallowed hard. “Can you tell him I‟ll be there as soon as I can?” “I‟ll tell him.” “Thank you.” Vince pushed the disconnect button and stood there for a moment. In the face of such horrible news, it was hard to remember what to do. He wanted to run straight across the hall, to Rob. If he did, though, he might break down. Instead, he forced himself to pick up the phone and call the university, to cancel his classes and make arrangements for a leave of absence.

Cody answered the door, frowning. “You want to talk to Rob?” Vince ignored the young man‟s less-than-polite greeting. He knew Cody didn‟t like him very much, or at least didn‟t like him with Rob. “If he‟s here, yes.” “Hold on.” Cody didn‟t invite him in. Instead, he yelled, “Rob!” and walked off, leaving Vince standing in the doorway alone, holding his two houseplants.

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A few seconds later, Rob entered Vince‟s line of vision. He looked annoyed. “What are you yelling about?” Cody jerked a thumb toward the doorway. “You‟ve got a visitor.” Then he left the room. The annoyance melted from his expression as Rob turned and saw Vince in the doorway, replaced by a smile. “Hey, Vince. I thought you had a class right now.” “I did. I cancelled it.” Rob must have noticed something in Vince‟s face or voice, because his smile faded. He closed the distance between them. “What‟s wrong? Are you okay?” The emotion Vince had been suppressing all day came to the surface, brought up by Rob‟s concern. He bit it back, holding out the two plants. “Can you take care of these for me for a while?” Rob‟s eyes widened, but he took the plants. “What‟s going on?” “I — my…” He trailed off, swallowed hard. “Wait.” Rob put the plants on the kitchen counter and ushered Vince across the hall. Inside Vince‟s apartment, he took Vince‟s hand. “Tell me what‟s happened.”

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Clinging to Rob‟s hand like a lifeline, Vince let the story spill out. “I got a call from my father‟s doctor. My father has cancer. He‟s dying.” “Oh, Vince.” Rob hugged him tightly. “I‟m so sorry.” Somehow, Vince felt as if he had become the younger one. He felt confused, and scared, and small. In Rob‟s arms, he was a little less afraid. “We haven‟t spoken in years. I called him after Dean died. He was…cold. I don‟t understand why he wants me now.” Rob didn‟t answer, probably because the question was unanswerable. Only his father could tell him. Instead, Rob held him close, rubbing his back and just being there. Vince knew he needed to get going, but he was reluctant to give up the comfort of home and Rob for the uncertainty of a place he hadn‟t visited in more than two decades. He finally managed to draw back. “I have to go to the hospital in Columbia. I don‟t know how long I‟ll be gone.” Rob gave him a wobbly smile. “Be careful. And — could you call me when you get there? Just so I know you‟re okay?” He cupped Rob‟s cheek in his hand. “Of course.”

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He leaned forward and kissed Rob gently. Rob‟s arms wound around his neck and clung. The kiss deepened, and for just a moment, Vince let himself get lost in it. He wished he could rewind the day, never get the phone call, and stay here with Rob instead of leaving. It was Rob who broke the kiss. He stepped back, his eyes suspiciously shiny. “Be careful,” he repeated. He looked as if he wanted to say more, but he didn‟t. Vince nodded. “I‟ll call you.”

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Chapter Fifteen “The great gift of human beings is that we have the power of empathy.” Meryl Streep

Back at his place, Rob stared at the plants Vince had brought over. His chest hurt, and his eyes stung. He didn‟t want to admit how close he was to tears. A few minutes ago, he‟d been excited about his plans for Vince‟s birthday, and now everything had changed. Vince would be gone for who knew how long. His father was dying. He‟d looked so lost earlier, so unlike how he usually was. And he‟d spoken as if he were afraid, almost. Worry for Vince added to the tight ball of carefully stifled emotion in Rob‟s chest. At that moment, Cody walked in. “What did he want? And what‟s up with the stupid plants?” Rob bit his tongue on the angry words he wanted to say. Instead, he muttered, “He needed me to water them for him for a while.” Cody rolled his eyes. “Why? It‟s not like he ever goes anywhere or does anything interesting. Oh, except you, I guess.”

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“Fuck you, Cody! He‟s going out of town for a while because his dad‟s dying. But I guess it‟s too much to ask for a little understanding from someone like you.” Shoving past his roommate, he fled to his room, slamming the door behind him. He fell onto his bed. Angry, hurt, and already missing Vince, he let the tears prickling behind his eyelids come.

A few hours later, Rob forced himself to go to campus. Cody was gone when he left the apartment. In the quiet of the library, he tried to concentrate on the work he needed to finish. His phone rang about an hour after he arrived. Ignoring the dirty looks from the librarian and other students, he hurried outside to answer it. “Hello?” “Rob?” Vince‟s voice sounded tired and far away. Relieved, he leaned back against the brick wall. “Vince. Did you make it there okay?” “Yes, I‟m here. I still have to go see my father, but I suppose that will have to wait until tomorrow. I wanted to let you know I made it safely, like I promised.”

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“Thanks.” I miss you. I hope you‟re okay. He held back the other words he wanted to say, not wanting to make Vince feel worse. “I‟ll talk to you soon.” He snapped the phone shut and went to get his things. Staying would be pointless. He didn‟t feel much like studying. When he got home, all three of his roommates were sitting in the living room, eating pizza. They looked up when he entered. Apparently Cody had told them what was going on, because Joe and Dustin had concerned expressions on their faces. Dustin was first to speak. “Hey, man. Everything okay?” Dropping his backpack on the floor, he went to flop down on the couch beside Dustin. He didn‟t want them to worry about him. After all, his only issue was missing Vince, which seemed pretty lame in the overall scheme of things. To get the focus off him, he brought up the real problem. “I‟m fine. I‟m not the one whose dad is dying.” “That really sucks. How‟s he doing?” Joe passed him the pizza box, his expression sympathetic. He shrugged. “He was trying to hide it, but I think he‟s pretty upset. He said he hasn‟t talked to his dad in a long time. I guess they don‟t get along or something.”

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All of them got along well with their fathers — or in Rob‟s case, with his stepfather. None of them would be able to understand what it must be like not to talk to your dad for years. Even considering what it would be like if his stepfather was dying made Rob shudder. Dustin frowned, thoughtful. “Maybe his dad wants to fix things while he still can. Why else would he want Dr. N there?” Rob shrugged again and stood. He grabbed a piece of pizza and took a bite. Hefting his bag, he headed down the hallway to his and Dustin‟s room. He‟d just opened his book when he heard a soft knock on the door. He sighed. “Come in.” The door opened, and Cody stepped inside. “I want to apologize for how I acted earlier. I was being a total jerk.” He closed the book. “You‟ve been acting that way ever since Vince and I got together. What is your deal with him?” His roommate sighed. “I don‟t know. I mean, I don‟t really know him that well. I‟m afraid you‟re going to get hurt.” “What? Why would I get hurt?”

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Cody leaned against the doorframe. “Look, I know you. You really like this guy. When you care about something, you put your whole heart into it. Eventually the age gap is going to tear the two of you apart.” He couldn‟t decide whether to be touched by Cody‟s concern, or annoyed. He settled on a little of both. “What makes you think that‟s going to happen? I‟m not a kid. Neither is Vince. We both know what we want.” “Yeah, and you‟re at two different stages in life. What if he‟s having a midlife crisis or something? Dating a younger guy might be his way of getting his groove back or whatever before he jumps back into the dating pool. Or what if he‟s on the rebound from his last relationship?” He looked Cody straight in the eye. “I don‟t think he‟s having a midlife crisis, and after three years, I doubt he‟s on the rebound. I thought about those things, and I decided he was worth taking a chance for. If I get hurt, I get hurt. I hope that doesn‟t happen, but if it does, that‟s life. He‟s the one I want, Cody. And he‟s a great guy. Maybe you could try being happy for me?” Cody gave him a tentative smile. “Okay, you‟re right. You‟re a big boy now, so I‟ll try to trust your judgment. Even though you did tell me to date that crazy girl sophomore year.” Rob laughed. “That‟s what you get for asking my advice about women.”

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Chapter Sixteen “Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.” Leo Tolstoy

After a mostly sleepless night, Vince stood, bleary-eyed and anxious, in front of the hospital. He knew he should go in, but something held him back. If he was honest with himself, he would admit it was a mixture of fear and anger. Not knowing why his father had summoned him, or what his reception would be, scared him. Although he and his father had been estranged for a long time, his father‟s disapproval still hurt. Part of him wanted to walk away, to just go home without seeing his father. That hurt, angry part of him couldn‟t forget the slights of the past. Caleb Norton had hurt him many times, whether on purpose or through a lack of interest in his only child‟s life. And there was the last time he‟d tried to call… He wouldn‟t even talk to me after Dean died, when I was alone and angry and scared. Why should I talk to him now?

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In the end, he walked through the door rather than walking away. His father may have been cruel to him when he needed him the most, but he refused to do the same. He would do what he felt was right, regardless of what his father said or did. He approached the nurses‟ station. “I‟m here to see Caleb Norton. Can you tell me where I can find his room?” The nurse typed a few commands into her computer. “It looks like Mr. Norton is in the oncology ward. That‟s on the third floor. He‟s in room 318.” “Thank you.” Vince chose to take the stairs instead of taking the elevator. He didn‟t particularly like elevators, and the stairs gave him a bit more time to gather his thoughts before seeing his father. Despite his stalling tactic, he reached the third floor within a few minutes. He found the nurses‟ station for the oncology ward easily, since it was right by the stairs. The nurse behind the desk gave him a professional smile. “Can I help you, sir?” “Yes. I‟m here to see Caleb Norton.” She glanced at some paperwork sitting on the desk. “Are you his son?”

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“I‟m Vince Norton, yes.” She nodded crisply. “The doctor wanted to speak with you when you arrived. I‟ll page him now, if that‟s all right.” “Thank you.” He stood awkwardly for a few minutes until the doctor arrived. The doctor wore a white coat and looked to be in his mid-thirties. He held out a hand for Vince to shake. “Hello, I‟m Dr. Cohen, your father‟s oncologist. I understand you‟re a doctor as well?” Vince gave Dr. Cohen a wry look. “I‟m a doctor, but not of medicine. My doctorate is in literature.” Dr. Cohen smiled at that, but quickly sobered. “As I told you on the phone, your father has an inoperable brain tumor. His wish is to go home. Right now, that‟s not possible. He can‟t be alone, and twenty-four hour nurses would not be an option for him due to the high cost. Another possibility would be for him to go to a hospice. I know of a good one not far from here that has an opening.” The thought of his father dying surrounded by strangers didn‟t sit well. He frowned. “Have you discussed the options with him?”

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The doctor sighed. “I have. He refused to even consider them until he spoke with you.” Astonished, Vince stared at the other man. He felt as if he‟d stepped into an alternate reality. What was going on? “Let me speak to him, and I‟ll see what he wants to do.” “Let me show you to his room. If you need to speak with me again, have one of the nurses page me.” “Thank you.” He followed Dr. Cohen down the hall to room 318. The doctor knocked and opened the door, stepping inside. “Hello, Mr. Norton. You have a visitor.” Vince‟s first glimpse of his father in years shocked him. The man he remembered as tall and stern, with dark hair and piercing eyes, light like his own, was almost unrecognizable. In his place was a thin, tired old man whose thick white hair stuck up in odd spines. The once piercing eyes were dull and painfilled. Caleb Norton smiled wanly when he saw the doctor. “Visitor?” Vince stepped into his father‟s line of vision. “Hello, Dad.” Those dull eyes widened, seeming to hold both hope and trepidation. “Vincent? You came.”

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Dr. Cohen nodded to them both and slipped out of the room quietly. The moment the doctor was gone, he turned back to the old man on the bed. He kept his voice neutral. “You asked me to.” Even the cold, stern voice he remembered had changed, become weak and thready. “Yes, but you didn‟t have to come. Not after the way I‟ve treated you for the past twenty-five years. I haven‟t been the best father to you.” No, you haven‟t. In the past, he would have used this opportunity to strike back at the person who‟d hurt him more than any other. Now, however, he didn‟t need to. He moved closer to the bed. “You‟re still my father, no matter what‟s happened between us.” His father held out a thin, shaking hand, his eyes hopeful. Vince met him halfway, grasping the frail hand in his own. For the first time he could remember, he saw tears in his father‟s eyes.

The day was busy and tiring. After some discussion, he made the decision to take his father home. He would be staying at his childhood home as well. Getting his father into his car and driving the short distance to the house was an ordeal. The man was exhausted and in pain by the time they reached their destination.

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Two hospice nurses would be coming out to check on his father, one each on alternating days. One of the nurses came over when Vince and his father arrived at the house and helped him set up a hospital bed in the living room, where his dad could watch television and not have to climb any stairs. She also told him about the care his father would need. Caleb Norton went to sleep soon after she left. Vince picked up his cell phone and dialed Rob‟s number, hoping he would still be awake. The phone rang a few times. “Hello?” The sound of his lover‟s voice, even one word, sent a shaft of longing through him. “Rob.” Concern and caring colored Rob‟s voice, even over the phone. “Vince. How are you? How‟s your dad?” “I‟m holding up. Dad‟s doing as well as can be expected at this point.” He asked about Rob‟s classes, and they chatted about term papers and projects for a few minutes. He closed his eyes to listen, letting Rob‟s voice wash over him. It was late, and they were both tired. The conversation wore down. He dreaded the prospect of hanging up, losing the tenuous connection with Rob. The small talk suddenly frustrated him. “I miss you.”

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There was a split second of complete silence. Then, Rob whispered, “I miss you, too. A lot.” That night, he dreamed of Rob.

Vince slept in his old room. His parents had redecorated it completely, making him feel like he was in a different house. For the first few days, he awoke disoriented, wondering where he was. During the day, he helped his father get around the first floor, watched television or played games with him, and read. Sometimes they would talk. His dad liked to talk about Vince‟s mom, who‟d died twelve years earlier. They also talked about Vince‟s childhood. They hadn‟t gotten around to discussing their estrangement, or his father‟s change of heart, but Vince knew they would, eventually. One night, Vince and his father were eating soup and grilled cheese sandwiches when Caleb Norton suddenly put his sandwich down. “I‟m sorry about what I said, after your Dean died.” His voice was gruff and low.

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Vince set his spoon aside. He gripped the edge of the table until his knuckles turned white and took a deep breath. “The things you said that day really hurt me.” His father met his eyes. “I know. What I did was wrong.” He reached across the table and touched Vince‟s clenched hand. “You‟re my son, no matter who you love. I‟m sorry I let myself forget that.” Vince stared down at his father‟s wrinkled hand, touching him for the first time in decades. He hesitated. Finally, he covered his father‟s hand with his. “Thanks, Dad.” His father gave him a tremulous smile. “No, thank you, Son.” After dinner his father went to bed. He went upstairs to his bedroom and called Rob as soon as he was sure his dad was resting comfortably. Rob picked up on the first ring. “Vince, hi.” He sat on the edge of the bed, already feeling better just hearing Rob‟s voice. “Hi yourself. How are you?” “I‟m good. Just working on some papers. How are you?” He kicked off his shoes and lay back on the mattress. “I‟m all right, I guess.” “Really?”

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“I‟m bored. And Dad sleeps a lot. I get lonely.” He paused, trying to think of how to get back to a more pleasant topic. “Dad and I talked about some things earlier. It was nice.” “I‟m glad.” They were both silent for a long moment. He cleared his throat. “What else have you been up to, besides homework?” Rob‟s voice grew more animated. “I‟ve been filling out paperwork and paying all my graduation fees. I can‟t believe I‟m going to be graduating in a few weeks. My parents and all the kids are coming. I‟d really like you to be there too, if you can.” Vince frowned at the thought of meeting Rob‟s family. What if they didn‟t approve of him? And who would? He was twenty-five years older than Rob. What parents would want that for their son? “What will your parents think?” “About you? I‟m sure they‟ll like you.” Vince wasn‟t so certain. Other fears preyed on his mind as well. What if he got sick when he was old, and Rob had to take care of him? Granted, his father was forty years older than him rather than twenty-five, but it could happen. He sighed. “They‟ll probably think the same thing I‟ve been thinking. That I‟m too old for you.”

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“I thought we‟d been through this. You‟re not too old for me.” Rob sounded confused, and upset, and Vince didn‟t blame him. They had been through this, but that was before his father had gotten sick. He wanted to argue, to spill out his fears, but he didn‟t. “I‟m tired, and I‟m sure you are too. I‟ve got to go.” Rob started to protest, but he cut him off. “Goodnight.” He hung up the phone. For several minutes he stared at it. It didn‟t ring, and he was grateful. He closed his eyes, trying not to think of his kind, caring lover devoting years to caring for him when he got old and sick. He never wanted to make Rob sad or tie him down. Vince put his arm over his face. In his weaker and more worn-down moments, he even worried Rob would meet someone else while he was away. He trusted the younger man, but Rob had to be as lonely as he was. Being surrounded by men his own age, who were available and had less emotional baggage, might tempt even the most devoted lover. Rob had graduation to look forward to and a lot of coursework still to finish. Vince didn‟t want to distract him or worry him. The next night, he didn‟t call. He told himself Rob would prefer it that way.

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Chapter Seventeen “In order for people to be happy, sometimes they have to take risks. It‟s true these risks can put them in danger of being hurt”. Meg Cabot

Holding his cell phone to his ear, Rob sank down onto his bed. “So we‟ll be going to Aunt Anne‟s the Sunday after graduation?” He could almost hear his mom nodding, the way she did when she was agreeing, even over the phone, when the person she spoke to couldn‟t see her. “Her house is the closest, and the biggest. The whole family will be there to celebrate.” Exhausted, he let himself fall onto his back. Graduation was less than two weeks away. He‟d had his last class this morning. Now all he wanted to do was sleep. Unfortunately, he still had finals to take. “I‟m glad you guys are coming.” “Of course we‟re coming! We‟re all so proud of you. Your brothers and sisters are very excited about watching you graduate.” “You‟ll make the little monsters behave, right?” He grinned, thinking of his four brothers and sisters.

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His little brothers, Deacon and Dalton, were twins. At ten, they still thought he was cool. Anytime he came home, they followed him around. His sisters, Bella and Kylie, were seven and five. He loved all his siblings to pieces. They were great kids. His being eleven to sixteen years older than each of them probably helped. He hadn‟t had to deal with sibling rivalry or anything. His parents had met when he was three and married when he was five, and then he‟d had them all to himself for six years before the twins were born. His mom laughed. “You know very well the kids will behave. They adore you.” She paused for a moment. “Will we get to meet the boy you‟re dating?” Rob cringed, glad his mom wasn‟t with him in person. She‟d see right through him to the part that was worried sick about Vince. “Mom, he‟s not a boy. And I don‟t know. He‟s still staying with his dad. He might not make it back in time.” Or want to come, if he does. Rob had noticed Vince‟s reluctance concerning graduation. He‟d tried to chalk it up to Vince‟s exhaustion, and his uncertainty about his father‟s health, but that was getting harder to do. Vince hadn‟t called him in two weeks, and when he called Vince, his lover barely spoke. At this point, he couldn‟t be sure if Vince was busy or just didn‟t want to talk to him. He hated

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the thought of Vince being alone and sad. If he could, he‟d drop everything and go to him. But what if he doesn‟t want me there? The thought made his heart ache. His mom sighed. “That poor man. I hope he‟s remembering to take care of himself while he takes care of his father.” “I do too, Mom. I do too.”

That night, he picked up his phone and dialed Vince‟s number, hating the sick, nervous feeling in his stomach as he did so. Part of him was afraid Vince wouldn‟t answer, or wouldn‟t want to speak to him if he did. The rest of him was worried Vince wasn‟t taking care of himself. Several rings later, Vince answered. “Hello, Rob.” He closed his eyes, relief filling him. “Hey, Vince. I hadn‟t heard from you in a while, so I wanted to make sure you were okay.” There was a slight pause. “I‟m fine.” Yeah, right. Vince sounded anything but fine. Rob couldn‟t let the polite social lie pass. “You don‟t sound fine. Do you want to talk about it?” Vince laughed — an unpleasant, almost pained sound. Then he was silent again. Finally, he said, “I don‟t know.”

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The raw, uncertain sound of Vince‟s voice raked at his heart. In all the times they‟d talked on the phone over the past few weeks, he‟d never heard Vince sound defeated, or despairing. Until now. “Vince. Talk to me.” “I‟m not sure I can. I‟m not sure I have the words.” The roiling mix of fear, sadness, and apprehension filling him made it hard to speak, but he forced the words out. “Please try.” Vince sighed wearily. “You‟ve got finals coming up, and graduation. I haven‟t wanted to burden you.” “I want you to share things with me, Vince. Especially the bad things. If we‟re part of each other‟s lives, we need to be there for each other. Graduation isn‟t as important to me as you are.” “I‟m not sure that‟s the way it should be.” Surprised, he blurted, “What? Of course that‟s how it should be!” Vince‟s voice hardened. “You haven‟t spent the past few weeks taking care of a dying old man. You don‟t know what it could be like for you in twenty or thirty years, when I get sick and you have to devote months or years to caring for me like I was a baby. I don‟t want that for you, Rob, and neither should you.” Taken aback by the coldness and anger in Vince‟s voice, and the harsh words, Rob couldn‟t speak for a long moment. It was at least a full minute before

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he was able to speak again. “You‟re trying to make decisions for me, based on things that may not ever happen. What if Dean hadn‟t died in that accident? What if he‟d lived, but been paralyzed? Would you have left him?” “No, never.” Vince sounded horrified at the thought. “Why not?” “Because I loved him.” Rob took a deep breath. “Exactly. When you care about someone, you don‟t leave them. Not even if things get hard. Someday you might get sick. Or I might. I could have a diving accident and be paralyzed. Either one of us might die tomorrow. Am I scared? Sure. I‟m terrified right now. That‟s part of life. I refuse to let fear of the future rule my life. If you don‟t want to take the risk with me, I‟ll understand.” “I need to think.” Vince‟s voice held too many emotions for him to decipher them. Rob squeezed his eyes shut. The words seemed like a goodbye. The pain he felt at the thought made it hard to breathe. “Okay. Bye Vince.” He snapped the phone closed and stared at it for a moment. Then he hurled it against the wall as hard as he could. The case shattered, sending pieces of black plastic flying in all directions. It didn‟t make him feel better.

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Someone knocked on the door. “Rob? You okay?” Ignoring Joe‟s concern, he rolled over to face the wall. “I‟m fine. Just…Go away. Please.”

On Saturday afternoon, Rob‟s stepdad came to take him shopping for a suit for graduation, a trip they‟d planned months ago. He was quiet during the ride to the store. He answered questions, but didn‟t do much to keep a conversation going. Although he knew he should be excited about graduating in a few days, he was having a hard time keeping his mind off what had happened with Vince. He cares about me. I know he does. Is he really willing to throw that away because of something that may never happen? Why won‟t he at least call to let me know he‟s okay? “Is something wrong, Rob? You‟re so quiet.” He smiled a little at the observation. He had to admit, being quiet was unusual. “I‟m fine, Dad. I was just thinking.” His stepfather didn‟t appear convinced. “Are you sure you‟re fine? You seem down lately.”

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“Maybe I am, a little. Graduating is a big change. And in a way, it‟s kind of an ending too.” Which was true, if not relevant to his mood. “I guess it is.” They were silent for a couple of minutes. “Will we get to meet the young man you‟ve been seeing? You haven‟t talked much about him lately.” Rob looked out the window to hide his emotions. “I don‟t think he‟s going to be able to make it.” That, at least, was true.

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Chapter Eighteen “If we deny love that is given to us, if we refuse to give love because we fear pain or loss, then our lives will be empty, our loss greater.” Anonymous

Vince helped his father sit up by raising the hospital bed and propping him up on the pillows. “Is that okay, Dad?” “It‟s good. Thank you.” When his father was seated comfortably—or as comfortably as he could be, anyway—he turned to Vince. His eyes clear and sharp for the first time in days, he asked, “You have a good life, don‟t you, Son?” Vince nodded. He did have a good life, for the most part. Or at least he had, when he‟d had Rob. His father got a faraway look on his face for a moment. “Your mother was a good woman. She made me happy for a long time, or as happy as a man like I was could be. I wish I‟d told her more often.” He was silent for a moment before he

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refocused on Vince. “Your Dean, the one you lost, you loved each other? Made each other happy?” Vince nodded again, glad time and new experiences had dulled the ache of losing Dean enough that he could think of the good times without feeling quite so sad. Narrowing his eyes slightly, his father peered at him. “What about now? Have you got anyone you care about?” He thought of Rob. Despite what he‟d said, he still wanted to be with the younger man. He still cared about him. “I did, for a while.” He never would have thought his father‟s eyes could be compassionate, but they were right then. “What happened?” “I said some things I didn‟t mean the last time we talked. I suppose I was trying to drive him away, because I thought he‟d be better off without me.” The whole idea seemed rather idiotic now, especially after what Rob had said about people who care about each other staying together through everything. Caleb‟s thin hand took his, grasping tightly. “Then you need to make things right. Life is better when you have people to love. I lost more than twenty years with you because of my own stubborn pride and foolish prejudice. Don‟t wait, like I did, until it‟s too late.”

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His father and Rob were both right. He‟d made a terrible mistake. As soon as he could, he would tell Rob that, in person. After all the things he‟d said and done, Rob might not be willing to listen, but he knew he had to try.

The next morning, his father died. Vince called the nurse over from where she sat on the other side of the room, not releasing his father‟s hand. After checking his vital signs, the nurse said he was gone. The next few days passed in a haze of paperwork, planning, and a strange numbness that wouldn‟t go away. He made funeral arrangements for Wednesday afternoon. His father‟s lawyer came over to explain the will to him. He was Caleb Norton‟s sole beneficiary, so it was up to him to deal with the house and its contents. Photo albums and a few mementos went into a box to keep. Other items he tagged for sale or charity donation. The house itself he would clean up and sell. He couldn‟t live hours away from the university. Many times he wanted to pick up the phone and call Rob. He knew Rob had finals, however, and if he called, Rob might want be here. He didn‟t want to make Rob choose between a final, which he needed to take to graduate, and coming to a funeral.

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At the funeral, Vince met several of his father‟s friends. He was shocked to learn that his father had told them all about him. They knew he was a college professor, and they all told Vince how proud Caleb had been of him. Thursday night, he finished closing up the house. After a restless night, he got a late start the next morning. He loaded up his car with his suitcase and the box of photographs and things and started driving. He made a stop at the realtor‟s office, where the realtor promised to keep him posted regarding the house‟s prospects. Then he set off for home. Hours later, he pulled into the parking lot of his apartment building. After so long, everything looked odd, foreign. He felt strange and out of place as he lugged his belongings up the stairs and let himself into his apartment. His home smelled musty and abandoned. His eyes strayed to the windowsill where his plants had been, and he wondered how they‟d fared in his absence. Better than he had, probably. With Rob to take care of them, they were probably flourishing. While he unpacked, he looked around his room, waiting for the peaceful home feeling to come back. It didn‟t. All he felt was tired and alone. He put the last few items of clothing away, and then he crawled into bed. He clutched one of the pillows Rob had used weeks ago to his chest, imagining he could still smell a hint of chlorine and shampoo.

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Chapter Nineteen “‟Tis the most tender part of love, each other to forgive.” John Sheffield

Late Saturday afternoon, Rob, Dustin, Cody, and Joe piled into Joe‟s SUV, all dressed up and carrying their caps and gowns. The day they‟d worked so hard for had finally arrived. Rob tried to follow their conversation and be excited about graduation. It was hard, though, when he still hadn‟t heard from Vince. He told himself to let go. Obviously, Vince was busy with his dad, and he probably didn‟t have the energy to deal with breaking up. Rob couldn‟t really blame him for that. The man had enough on his plate right now, and his love life should rightly be the least of his worries. Rob wasn‟t even angry. He was just hurt, and sad, and tired of worrying. Above all, he was praying Vince was doing all right and taking care of himself. He shook his head at his gloomy thoughts. This was supposed to be a happy day. His family would be here, and tomorrow was his graduation party. He would try to have fun and appreciate what his family was doing for him. The rest of his

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life would be sorted out soon enough. With the outcome he was expecting, he wasn‟t in any hurry. At Chaifetz Arena, he and his roommates found their disciplines and lined up. He listened to the excited chatter of the other Exercise Science majors without trying to join in. One of his classmates nudged him. “We made it!” He forced a smile. “Yeah, we did. That last final had me worried, though.” The guy laughed. “Me too.” The music started then, and the different groups of students began to file into the arena. Rob trudged along in line, not stopping until he reached his seat. He zoned out while speakers droned on and students‟ names were called. He roused himself enough to cheer when he heard his roommates‟ names. “Robert Anthony Bridges.” He headed for the stage, a bit of pride rising at last. He took the folder with his degree and shook hands with the presenter. As he walked across the stage, he heard wild cheers. He peered up into the crowd and easily spotted the twins, waving signs that said “Go Rob!” Dustin‟s family sat next to his.

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His gaze wandered to the right a few rows, and his heart lurched. There, not far from his parents, sat Vince. He sucked in a breath, his steps faltering. Vince had come.

Rob‟s heart pounded in his chest as he and Dustin left the mob scene at the arena floor and climbed the stairs. He saw his family stand, waiting for him. For a second he almost ran to them. “Can you tell my family I‟ll be there in a minute?” “What — oh.” Rob noticed the direction of Dustin‟s glance and nodded. “Yeah.” “No problem. Good luck.” I‟ll need it. Heart in his throat, Rob walked toward Vince, who stood as he approached. “You came.” Vince gave him a hesitant smile. “Of course.” “Your dad?” “He died last weekend.” Rob flinched. “Oh, Vince. I‟m so sorry.”

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Vince inclined his head, acknowledging Rob‟s condolences. “He‟s not in pain anymore. And we got a lot of time to talk. I‟m grateful for that.” “I‟m glad.” Rob looked away, his voice lowering. “Why did you come, Vince?” Vince raked a hand through his hair. “I came because I couldn‟t not come. You were right. My father said something similar to me right before he died.” He paused for a moment and took a deep breath. “Taking care of Dad was…hard. Very hard. I was tired, and lonely, and seeing him that way hurt and scared me. I didn‟t want to think of you someday going through the same thing I had to.” Rob met Vince‟s eyes again, anguished. “Why didn‟t you talk to me about how you were feeling? I wanted to help. You could have called me. I wanted you to call me.” “I know. I should have. I‟ve been so used to being alone the past few years, and all I could think of was not dragging you down with me. I didn‟t want to admit I needed you.” He hunched like he expected to be shot down. Rob almost couldn‟t get the words out. “You needed me?” “I needed you then, and I need you now.” Vince took a deep breath and touched Rob‟s arm. “I love you.”

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He didn‟t move his gaze from Vince‟s, sure he couldn‟t have heard what he thought he‟d heard. It must have been his wishful thinking. “Wh-what did you say?” Vince‟s hand trailed down his arm and found his, twining their fingers together. “I said I love you.” Rob stood, silent and shocked, for a long moment. Rob could read the certainty on his face, in his eyes. The hurt and anger he‟d been carrying fell away like weights, leaving him free and light. He smiled, squeezing Vince‟s hand. “I love you, too.” Vince‟s answering smile was the brightest Rob had ever seen on him. He raised Rob‟s hand to his lips and kissed the knuckles. “You don‟t know how happy that makes me.” “I think I have an idea.” Rob felt the same joy himself. The feeling of being watched distracted him from their reunion. He raised an eyebrow. “Just how many of my family members are staring at me?” Laughing, Vince shrugged. “All of them, and half of Dustin‟s if the red hair is any indication.” Rob rolled his eyes. “Great. I‟d better go talk to them before they start freaking out.” A little bit of insecurity returned. “Will you come and meet them?”

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“I‟ll have to eventually, I suppose. I might as well meet them now.” Vince looked nervous again. “What have you told them about me?” “Not much,” he admitted. “All they know is we‟ve been dating, and your dad was sick.” He suddenly wished he‟d prepared his family a little more for the age difference between him and Vince. “Hm.” Vince‟s nervous expression didn‟t ease. Gripping Vince‟s hand tighter, Rob led him toward his family. Deacon and Dalton were play fighting with Dustin. His parents, Bella, and Kylie were watching him and Vince approach. Vince hung back as they stopped in front of his parents. Rob made introductions. “Mom and Dad, this is my boyfriend, Dr. Vincent Norton. Vince, these are my parents, Kathleen and Donald Mabry.” Both his parents looked a little surprised, but they smiled. His dad held out a hand. “Nice to meet you, Vince.” Vince shook his dad‟s hand and then his mom‟s, saying the proper pleasantries. Rob‟s dad asked about Vince‟s father, and both his parents offered condolences when Vince told them he had died. His mom, especially, since her own father, Rob‟s grandpa, had died a few years ago.

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A small hand tugging at his robe drew his attention away from the conversation. Five-year-old Kylie was peering up at him, her blue eyes wide. She whispered, “That man is your boyfriend, Robby?” He nodded. “Yeah, he is. What do you think of that, munchkin?” She gave him a sweet smile and peeked up at Vince from underneath her pale blonde bangs. “He looks nice.” He tweaked her nose. “He is nice.” Bella joined the conversation. “I think he‟s handsome. He looks like a king.” “Not a prince?” he joked. His serious little sister shook her head solemnly, making her dark blonde hair swish. “No. Princes are for silly old princesses. Kings are way better.” Hearing his own opinion put into little-girl-speak made him smile. “I think so, too.”

They were silent during the walk to Vince‟s car, each lost in his own thoughts. Once they were inside, headed home, Vince spoke. “The last time I spoke to my father, I told him about you, and how I‟d tried to drive you away. He said something I‟ll never forget: „Life is better when you have people to love.‟ I‟d been

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thinking a lot about what you said to me on the phone, about not letting fear rule your life, and his words drove the point home. Too many of my decisions in the past year have been based on fear.” “I can‟t imagine what it was like, seeing your dad dying and not being able to help him. I understand why you were scared. If we‟re going to be together, though, you can‟t shut me out like you did. You have to let me share your burdens.” Stopping the car at a red light, Vince turned to meet his gaze. “I know. I wanted to, but I kept telling myself you had your own concerns.” He gave Vince a mock-stern stare. “From here on out, your concerns are my concerns, and vice versa. Got it?” Vince smiled. “Yes, sir.” “That‟s right. Don‟t you forget who‟s the boss here.” When they pulled into the apartment complex and Vince parked the car, he turned to Rob. His expression was almost shy. “I know you have to be tired, but would you like to come up for a while? I don‟t want you to go yet.” All the longing Rob had been trying not to feel came flooding back. He wanted to be with Vince more than he wanted his next breath. “I don‟t want to go, either.”

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Vince took his hand as they entered the vestibule, and they walked up the stairs hand in hand. Vince released his hand to unlock the apartment door. Rob followed him in, noticing the closed-up, musty smell right away. It reminded him how long Vince had been gone, and how much he‟d missed him. Seemingly reading his mind, Vince pulled Rob into a tight embrace. He rested his cheek on Rob‟s hair and whispered, “God, I missed you. I wanted to call you so many times. I wish I had.” Rob didn‟t want to dwell on the past. He wanted to focus on reconnecting in the present. “Sh. We‟re together now, that‟s all that matters.” To forestall further discussion, he lifted his head and pressed his lips to Vince‟s. Vince responded with an almost desperate passion, sliding his tongue into Rob‟s mouth to tangle with Rob‟s own. After weeks apart, it almost felt like they were kissing for the first time. Rob took his time, relearning Vince‟s taste, the soft sounds he made, the way they fit together. One kiss melted into another, and another. Finally, he drew back, breathless. “I want you.” Vince‟s eyes darkened at his blunt statement. “Then take me.”

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Rob practically ran down the hallway to the bedroom. As soon as they were in the doorway, he rounded on Vince. “Did I tell you how sexy you look in this suit?” Vince shook his head. “Well, you do. Now take it off.” Laughing, Vince took off his jacket. Rob attacked Vince‟s tie and shirt while Vince did the same with Rob‟s. Fortunately, he‟d removed his cap and gown before they got into the car. A few awkward, clumsy minutes later, they were both naked. Rob ran his hands over Vince greedily. Warm, smooth skin, crisp, springy chest hair, and strong but subtle muscles greeted his exploring hands. Somehow they fell onto the bed together, Rob on top. He continued his exploration, enjoying the quiet sounds his touch brought out. Vince closed his eyes, his expression blissful. “I meant what I said earlier. Take me.” Does he mean? Rob nearly swallowed his tongue at the images Vince‟s words put in his head. He‟d topped a few times in the past, but never with Vince. How much hotter would topping be, when he was topping someone he loved? Aroused almost past the point of speech, he opened the bedside table drawer and grabbed a condom and the bottle of lubricant. He put the condom on,

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and then he handed the bottle to Vince. “Could you —” he managed, motioning toward Vince. Once again Vince seemed to read his mind. Smiling, he asked, “Too close?” Rob nodded. He was afraid if he touched Vince too much, he‟d finish before they got started. Even watching Vince prepare himself was almost too much. He whimpered and closed his eyes, shutting out the sight of Vince spread out on his back, impaled by his own fingers. “God.” Slick fingers gripped his erection. His eyes popped open, meeting Vince‟s gaze. Those light eyes burned up at him. “I‟m ready.” He didn‟t ask if Vince was sure. He could read the need in Vince‟s face. Instead, he let Vince‟s hand guide him in. His first impression was of unbelievable tightness, then heat. Despite his building need, Rob kept his thrusts slow and deep. His gaze never left Vince‟s face. The trust and love he saw there awed him. When he knew he was close, he reached down and grasped Vince‟s erection, stroking it in time to his thrusts. Vince threw his head back, eyes closed, and moaned long and low. “I love you,” Rob whispered, unable to hold the words in another second.

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As if the words were a trigger, Vince cried out Rob‟s name and came. Rob followed seconds later, his orgasm wrenched from him by the tight grip of Vince‟s body. After a few minutes, he made himself go get rid of the condom and bring Vince a cloth to wash up with. Then Vince pulled him into his arms and kissed him gently. “I love you, too.” He nipped Vince‟s chin. “Consider that the birthday present I didn‟t get to give you.” Laughing, Vince pulled the sheet up over them. “Thank you. It was just what I wanted.” He was still smiling when he fell asleep moments later.

In the middle of the night, a strange gasping sound pulled him out of a deep sleep. He sat up in bed, blinking in the near-darkness until his eyes finally adjusted. Vince sat on the edge of the bed, head down. His shoulders were shaking, and several confused seconds passed before Rob realized what was happening. Vince was crying, deep, near-silent sobs that wracked his whole body.

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The sight broke his heart. Rob slid over to Vince‟s side, wrapping an arm around him. “Hey. Come here.” Vince turned toward him, letting Rob hold him. Rob rubbed his back and tried to offer what comfort he could. He was grateful his lover was getting some of the grief out. He was even more grateful to be able to be there for him. Finally, Vince stopped shaking. Rob eased him back into bed without breaking their embrace. “This is the first time you‟ve cried over your dad, isn‟t it?” Vince nodded. When he spoke, his voice was raspy. “Thank you.” He smiled. “That‟s what I‟m here for.” His lover gave him a small smile in return. “I thought you were here for the great sex.” “That‟s one of the fringe benefits.”

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Epilogue “Age does not protect you from love. But love, to some extent, protects you from age.” Jeanne Moreau

“Where‟s that stupid tie?” Vince rolled his eyes as he knotted his own tie and checked his handiwork in the mirror. Why Rob couldn‟t come in here and talk to him instead of yelling from the other room he‟d never know. He also had no idea where the tie was. “I don‟t know. Wasn‟t it in the bag with the rest of the suit?” “Never mind. Found it!” Rob appeared in their bedroom doorway brandishing the red tie, his dark eyes alight with triumph. Vince couldn‟t help grinning at the sight. Rob looked awfully pleased with himself. “Come here and let me tie that for you.” “I can do it.” Despite his denial, Rob crossed the room. When his lover stood right in front of him, Vince took the tie, looped the length of red silk around Rob‟s neck, and pulled him in for a brief but deep kiss. Then he pulled back and knotted the tie quickly. “I never said you couldn‟t.”

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Rob narrowed his eyes in a way that promised retribution. “I can‟t believe how much of a tease you are. Just for that, you‟re not getting your birthday present. You know we have to be at the church in half an hour or Joe‟s going to kill me.” His grin widened. It was his forty-seventh birthday, but they‟d been too busy with work, school, and the preparations for Joe‟s wedding to really celebrate. Rob had promised him a “special” present tonight after the reception. “You‟ll be no use to me dead, so I suppose I had better get you to the church on time. Put your jacket on and let‟s go.” Pouting, Rob went to the bed and grabbed the jacket. Once he had the garment on, he turned in a slow circle. “Will I do?” Vince took in the sight of Rob decked out in the stylish rented tux. “You look wonderful.” Good enough to eat. Rob sighed. “Why did I agree to be a groomsman for Joe? I hate wearing stuff like this.” “Oh, I don‟t know. Because he‟s your friend?” He gave Rob a sly look. “I happen to like the suit. I‟ll show you how much I like it when we get home after the reception.” Rob whimpered. “You‟re evil.”

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Picking up his keys, he ushered Rob out of their bedroom. “I know, but you love me anyway.”

Vince watched the wedding party dance. Although he knew he should have been watching the happy bride and groom, his focus was on Rob. In a few minutes, Rob‟s job as a groomsman would essentially be over and he could come and join Vince. For now, Vince was content to be patient. Watching Rob on the dance floor, he was struck anew by how lucky he was. They‟d been together for over a year. Rob had moved into his apartment eight months ago. His sterile, boring apartment had slowly been transformed into a place that fit both their personalities. Just as his father had told him, he really had been happier with someone to love. The first few months had been rocky, partly because of the disapproval of a few of Rob‟s family members and partly because they each had to get used to being in a relationship again, but they‟d gotten past those things together. He‟d learned to open up and discuss things that were bothering him before they became too large to deal with. Despite Rob‟s youth, he had taught Vince a lot about love and trust.

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The music ended. Rob said something to the bridesmaid he‟d been dancing with that made her laugh. Then he, Dustin, and Cody went over to Joe and gave him a group hug, hamming it up for the wedding guests, who laughed and clapped. Finally, he turned in Vince‟s direction. When their eyes met, Rob‟s face lit up. The way Rob looked at him sometimes, as if he were everything, made him happier than any man deserved to be. His heart was so full he thought it might burst. Rob strode over to the table and leaned down close to his ear. “My work here is done. Ready for your birthday present?” He shivered at the sensation of Rob‟s lips against his ear. “Mm, definitely. Let‟s go home.” Later, in bed after a truly spectacular birthday present involving one of Rob‟s old Speedo swimsuits and a bit of hot role-play, Rob smiled up at him. “Not bad, for an old guy.” He gave Rob a mock-scowl. “Who‟re you calling old?” Rob snickered a little, then kissed his neck and fell asleep. Gazing down at his lover snuggled against him, Vince decided forty-seven wasn‟t such a bad age to be. In fact, it seemed to be just right.

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www.cassandragold.com

Author Bio Like a superhero, Cassandra Gold is the alter-ego of a relatively mild-mannered middle school teacher. By day, Cassandra tries to get 6th and 7th graders to read. On nights and weekends and over the summer, she dreams up stories of men falling in love. Currently, she writes gay erotic romance, both contemporary and paranormal. Some day she hopes to write a romantic suspense or historical, if she ever grows any patience. When she's not writing or reading, Cassandra can usually be found spending too much time on the internet, pretending to do housework, or playing video games with her hubby.

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