Escape the Friend Zone: From Just a Friend to Your Girlfriend

ESCAPE THE FRIEND ZONE

…FROM JUST A FRIEND TO YOUR GIRLFRIEND…

INTRODUCTION Understanding the “Friend Zone” Within the world of dating, numerous phrases or concepts have been coined. One of the most recent but also one based on a very old dilemma is known as the Friend Zone. Simply put, this involves a male and female who are friends, two people who care about each other and enjoy spending quality time together. However, what makes this such a frustrating scenario is that the male friend would like to take the friendship to the next level of being boyfriend and girlfriend, but the female does not. As we all know, men and women see things and handle situations quite differently. For instance, a man will view intimacy as a way of showing a woman he likes her although he may not be ready for a committed relationship. On the other hand, the woman sees relationships as being either 100% committed or merely friends. Keep in mind, it is not that women are being devious but they do enjoy evenings out with their male friend, going to dinner, a movie, concert, and other events, but without fringe benefits of sex. For the man who wants to move out of the friend zone and into a real relationship with his female friend, this is possible but it can be a challenging conquest. As you will discover, trying to mentor your female friend or hang around her simply as friends in anticipation that something more will develop is not a realistic solution to getting her as a girlfriend. A common mistake made by men is they feel they can ease their way into the woman’s life by being her buddy, or perhaps acting as a big brother but the truth is this does not work. If you think you may be in the “friend zone”, there are some telltale signs to confirm that you are in this position, some that include hearing comments from the female friend such as: • “I don’t want to get involved because I would hate doing anything to ruin our friendship” • “You’re just like a big brother to me” • “I think of you as my very best friend” • “I can talk to you about anything, any time”

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• “I can’t believe how much you understand me” If you have a female friend who shares in-depth conversations with you about dating problems, perhaps about a certain man she is currently dating and likes, someone she recently met, or if she asks you for advice specific to other men in general, then you can feel certain that you have officially been placed in the “friend zone”. In this book, Escape the Friend Zone…From Just a Friend to your Girlfriend, we are going to show you sure-fire methods for getting out of the friend zone and into a real, loving relationship with the woman you love. You will also be provided with information for never landing in the “friend zone” and even exercises that allow you to practice the things you will learn. After all, you and your female friend already share an amazing connection, which is the foundation for a healthy relationship, meaning not only is half the battle won, but the most important battle. When you are sure you want more than friendship, you will need to show her that you are interested in her as a girlfriend, not just a friend. To accomplish this goal, we are providing you with helpful information that works.

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TABLE OF CONTENT INTRODUCTION ............................................................................................................................................. 2 Understanding the “Friend Zone” ............................................................................................................. 2 CHAPTER ONE ............................................................................................................................................... 6 The Role You Play in Her Life .................................................................................................................... 6 CHAPTER TWO .............................................................................................................................................. 9 Understanding the Way Women Think .................................................................................................... 9 GENDER DIFFERENCES .......................................................................................................................... 9 GENDER SIMILARITIES ......................................................................................................................... 12 CHAPTER THREE .......................................................................................................................................... 14 The Inner Game of Lifestyle Changes ..................................................................................................... 14 NEEDED CHANGES .............................................................................................................................. 14 CHAPTER FOUR ........................................................................................................................................... 19 Revealing your Sexual Side ..................................................................................................................... 19 WINNING HER OVER ........................................................................................................................... 19 CHAPTER FIVE ............................................................................................................................................. 22 What Women Really Want ..................................................................................................................... 22 APPRECIATION .................................................................................................................................... 22 SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF ................................................................................................................... 22 RESPECT .............................................................................................................................................. 22 FAMILY AND FRIEND CONNECTIONS .................................................................................................. 22 STICK UP FOR HER ............................................................................................................................... 23 SPOILING ............................................................................................................................................. 23 FOLLOW THROUGH ............................................................................................................................. 24 MACHOISM ......................................................................................................................................... 24 STRENGTHS AND ACCOMPLISHMENTS ............................................................................................... 24 KING OF THE HILL ................................................................................................................................ 25 AFFECTION .......................................................................................................................................... 25 CHAPTER SIX ................................................................................................................................................ 26 Exercises for Moving from Friends to More ........................................................................................... 26 4

EXERCISE ONE ..................................................................................................................................... 26 EXERCISE TWO .................................................................................................................................... 27 EXERCISE THREE .................................................................................................................................. 27 EXERCISE FOUR ................................................................................................................................... 28 EXERCISE FIVE ..................................................................................................................................... 28 EXERCISE SIX ........................................................................................................................................ 29 EXERCISE SEVEN .................................................................................................................................. 30 CHAPTER SEVEN .......................................................................................................................................... 31 Enjoy a Long-Term Relationship – Never Go Back to “Just Friends” ...................................................... 31 DYNAMIC FORCES ............................................................................................................................... 31 CHAPTER EIGHT........................................................................................................................................... 35 Telltale Signs that you will only be Friends ............................................................................................. 35 CHANGE OF BEHAVIOR ....................................................................................................................... 36 PREEMPTIVE FRIEND ZONE TECHNIQUE ............................................................................................. 38 CHAPTER NINE ............................................................................................................................................ 40 Avoiding the Friend Zone in the First Place ............................................................................................ 40 THE GOLDEN RULE .............................................................................................................................. 40 SET THE GROUNDWORK ..................................................................................................................... 41 BEING AVAILABLE ................................................................................................................................ 42 NO GIFT GIVING .................................................................................................................................. 42 BE NICE BUT NOT TOO NICE ............................................................................................................... 42 SLOW DOWN ....................................................................................................................................... 42 AGGRESSIVENESS ................................................................................................................................ 43 TOO MUCH SHARING .......................................................................................................................... 43 SHOW IMPERFECTIONS....................................................................................................................... 43 COMMAND RESPECT ........................................................................................................................... 43 CHAPTER TEN .............................................................................................................................................. 44 Summary, Disclaimer & Copyright .......................................................................................................... 44

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CHAPTER ONE The Role You Play in Her Life Getting trapped in the “friend zone” is a problem that millions of people share. Typically, people find themselves in this situation for a variety of reasons. Learning about the different causes will allow you to identify the reason you are in the “friend zone” so you can then begin the process of making appropriate changes. In time, your special female friend will begin to see you in a different light and likely realize she has some interest in you that she may not have accepted before. The following are some of the common reasons people find themselves in the “friend zone” so as you read through the list, be objective and honest in trying to identify if one or more apply to you. •

No Attraction – When we say there is no attraction, this does not mean that your female friend does not find you cute, humorous, or fun to be around but it does mean from a physical standpoint, you know, the romantic connection, something is stopping her from seeing you as boyfriend material. Many times, this obstacle can be easily overcome.

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Weak Finances – Unfortunately, while most women will deny it, study after study has been performed showing that women are attracted to men with money or those who have higher than average income, or they are drawn to the money itself. If your female friend places a lot of importance on finances and you do not make a lot of money, live in a huge home, or drive a fancy sports car, you could end up in the “friend zone”.

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The Nice Factor – Even if your friend has no interest in the bad boy type, if you are too nice, too accommodating, or too agreeable, she might view you as weak or perhaps just not enough of a challenge. Do not confuse doing nice things for your friend with going overboard with the nice factor. Dinner and a movie, occasional flowers, or some other type of gift is perfectly fine but when you constantly bow down to her every whim, she sees you as no more than a really great friend, and probably one that can be taken advantage of to some extent.

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Female Instability – Okay, remember that reasons why you might end up in the “friend zone” does not automatically mean this is your fault. It could be that while your friend is a great person, someone you really enjoy being with, she may be 6

going after the wrong kind of man. In this instance, being in the “friend zone” is probably a good place to stay. You always want to be a good person, someone stable, reliable, and honest and if your female friend is wanting someone who does not treat her right or show her respect, than you do not want this type of woman other than as a friend. There are viable ways of moving from friendship to boyfriend status but you also have to be realistic about the reasons you are not considered for a more serious relationship in the first place. The following chapters will provide you with numerous options for pushing past the barriers of friendship and building a lasting romantic connection with the woman you love, and, a relationship built on friendship. To a woman, you play a huge role in her life. She cares about you, thoroughly enjoys being in your company, and she wants only the best for your life. In other words, she is not playing you but honestly values the friendship that the two of you share. A woman who puts a man in the “friend zone” is not necessarily trying to be mean or hurtful whatsoever but she simply has not yet seen that you could be so much more. As mentioned earlier, one of the most important dynamics of any healthy relationship is friendship. Relationship experts all agree that unless a relationship can be built on a strong foundation of friendship, it will never last. All too often, a couple will bypass the friendship building phase and move directly into an intimate relationship. Over time as various issues arise, the couple realizes they have a weak friendship to fall back on and unfortunately, the relationship ends. If you think about it, being in the “friend zone” position is both good and bad. It is bad in that you want your friend to become your girlfriend but good in that once you move into a real relationship, you have a strong bond of friendship to carry you through tough times. This means the chance of your relationship lasting is greatly improved. Another advantage to being in the “friend zone” is that while being only friends, you have the ability to learn a lot about this person. Without the opportunity to spend time with her as friends only, you would probably not have the chance to learn in-depth things about her life, family, friends, ambitions, hobbies, and so on. As a result, once you start moving forward into a committed relationship, the bond the two of you share is extremely strong and honest. Therefore, while you might not be in the position that you want to be in right now, we encourage you to use your time of friendship for eventually securing a place in her heart. Once you start to break free of the “friends only” connection, the two of you have 7

a much better chance of making the relationship last. In the next chapter, we will address ways in which women think. Although a complex subject, getting a handle on the basics of a woman’s mind will help you understand right and wrong methods for moving out of the “friend zone.”

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CHAPTER TWO Understanding the Way Women Think Okay, men reading this are probably thinking, right! The truth is that when it comes to friendships and relationships, men and women think on different dimensions. While it would be impossible to cover everything, we did want to address some of the basic thought processes of women and with this, you can learn some of the ways your actions and words are being looked at from a woman’s perspective. Never forget that women are like sponges – everything you do and say is being absorbed, stored, and analyzed. The interesting thing is that from a scientific viewpoint, there are absolute differences between the way men and women think and act. For instance, women actually have four times more neurons (brain cells) that link the left and right side of the brain than men do. This is why men typically solve one problem in a very methodical way whereas women have the ability to handle multiple problems. Because of this, many women find conversation with men to be too one-dimensional and sometimes, boring. The key in moving from just friends to an actual relationship depends largely on your attempt to both recognize and appreciate these differences. Without understanding a woman’s thought process often leads to frustration, misconceptions, and failures, so you never wind up in a loving, committed relationship with your friend. Rather than feel powerless or defeated, there is hope in getting out of the “friend zone” by gaining knowledge in how and why you are being perceived only as a friend and nothing more. GENDER DIFFERENCES We all know that there are differences in gender. The following are some of the primary differences seen in men and women and while no person should change, we can all do things to improve life. Therefore, for men who want more from their female friend, gaining insight into the woman’s mind will certainly give you an advantage. Solving Problems Although both men and women are perfectly capable of solving problems efficiently, the approach used is unique. With men, a problem is viewed as an opportunity to show strength and competence. This means a man will place less 9

focus on the level of efficiency in getting the problem solved and more on just solving it. To women, the ability to solve problems actually has a direct influence on her feeling close and needed, versus distant and unworthy. When it comes to moving from a friendship to relationship this is important because if the woman views the man as showing too authority or control when problems arise, she may distant herself instead of finding his problem solving skills impressive. In this case, she will value the friendship but have concerns that in a one-on-one relationship, the man could demonstrate a position of dominance. Men and woman will always solve problems in a certain way because of how the brain is wired. However, by learning the difference in how problems are solved between the two genders, you can ease up on the sense of hierarchy and start allowing your female friend to take part in solving problems. To her, this changes the scenario with her seeing you two as a team working toward a common goal. Thought Processes A woman processes thoughts by looking at numerous sources of information and the various dynamics of the task at hand. This means the overall thought process is broad and collective. However, because a woman takes in so much information at once, she can become overwhelmed and frustrated, causing her to have trouble distinguishing problems from her own personal experiences. For men, the thought process generally involves tackling one or only a few problems at a time. With this, men tend to repeat information over and over as they try to solve a problem efficiently. Now, if you have a female friend that you want to date or build a relationship with, this is a valuable piece of information. If you need to talk about a problem repeatedly as a means of coming to some kind of resolution that is perfectly fine but be careful not to do this in front of her. Typically, women do not handle this well, viewing this behavior more as a man being indecisive rather than a methodical problem solver. You could risk your female friend as seeing you being fickle. While she loves you as a friend, for her to feel secure and protected, she needs to see that you have the ability to look at a problem, address it (once or twice), and then come to a resolution.

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Information Processing As mentioned above, men do not have the same level of connectivity between the left and right brain as women do. This means that it is much easier for men to ignore messages coming from the right side of the brain, which is the side of the brain responsible for focus and common sense. In addition, the right side of the brain is what impacts a person’s body language, facial expressions, gestures, and most importantly, feelings or gut instincts. Because a woman has a much better connection between left and right side of the brain, she is more understanding, intuitive, and nurturing. Chances are you have heard someone say that women just “know” things, which is absolutely true. In the realm of the “friend zone”, this uncanny intuition tells a woman a lot about her male friend so if anything negative or uncertain is picked up on she is likely going to listen and draw back This certainly does not mean that a man is a bad or evil person but simply that there may be certain aspects of his behavior that keeps him in the dreaded “friend zone” and nothing more. To reverse the situation so the woman seems the man differently, he still needs to be who he is but also aware of the differences so he can be more appreciative of a woman’s insight. Sensitivity Issues Okay, when it comes to moving from friends to girlfriend/boyfriend, sensitivity issues is a big one. Simply put, to build and maintain a healthy, loving relationship, men need to know the way in which sensitivity issues differ. For the man, he typically feels validated when competing in shared activities such as outdoor events, sports, and even sex. For the woman, she feels validated on a more intimate level to include communication, touching, and romance. If you want to impress a friend, then take time to brush up on your communication skills and watch what happens. Chances are that you will be surprised at the different way she responds simply by understanding her need for sensitivity. In summary, getting out of the “friend zone” and into a viable relationship can and does happen but you have to take a new look at similarities and differences between the two genders so you know ways of modifying actions and opinions. The key to success is to accept differences and even appreciate them. Additionally, try not to take your female 11

friend’s nurturing nature as personal insults and instead realize and accept that she is only doing what comes natural by being helpful. By learning these differences, you can enjoy a newfound acceptance that men and women are different biologically but again, having this information is a huge benefit to you, one that with a little change and focus can be very rewarding. A few other differences between men and women that would be helpful to know so you can stop being just friends and move into a real relationship include the following: •

Men have the ability to solve technical problems better than women while women are much better at solving problems or completing tasks independently

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Men generally take greater risks while women choose value of knowledge that she can than pass on to other people in educating them

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Men have more independent thought processes whereas women tend to follow ideas coming from other people

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Men are usually comfortable with their performance while women are much more critical of themselves

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Men get satisfaction from prosperity and a successful career while women find greater value in family, children, and close friends

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Men have a desire to achieve goals whereas women put their relationships with other people at the top of the list

GENDER SIMILARITIES Now, the flip side, we want to cover some similarities that men and women share. Again, this information is important for men in the “friend zone” because once it is known what things men and women have in common, the man’s focus can be placed on building the relationship based on those commonalities. Men and women will always have different interests, thought processes, and goals, but having an understanding of similarities is what helps create a great foundation on which a relationship can be built.

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Viewpoints Men and women both have similar or same viewpoints, especially when it comes to the value of family. Typically, if a man and woman share a close friendship, it means they are on the same page in many ways, sharing same values and opinions, having similar goals, and living with the same type of integrity in their lives. Your goal is to appreciate differences while also focusing on the similarities that the two of you share. Let us say that you and your female friend have a love of participating in sports. In this case, you could set time aside to play tennis, golf, or whatever sport you both enjoy. If you both have an appreciation of Fine and Performing Arts, then again, choose events such as concerts, live theater or the symphony and enjoy them together. This allows you to capitalize on similarities, which means maintaining the friendship while having the opportunity to build a more intimate connection. Value and Recognition Even in friendships, a man and woman both have the need to feel valued and be recognized. The truth is that every person wants to be accepted and loved so if a woman has a close male friend, there is something keeping her interested in him. Even in the “friend zone”, there needs to be means of adding onto the friendship so a relationship can develop. With sincere support and admiration, a man can reach down deep to a woman’s heart, keeping the door open for more. Dependability and Consistency Men and women will make promises with the full intention of keeping them but things do come up that cause the ball to be dropped. While dependability is important to men, it is a huge issue for women. Therefore, if you are in the “friend zone” and want out, it is critical that you show the woman you are dependable and consistent. This creates a sense of balance and security to the woman, which helps her open up more while letting her guard down. The outcome could be exactly what you want - moving past friendship and into love.

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CHAPTER THREE The Inner Game of Lifestyle Changes This is an important chapter where you will be provided with actual ways of getting out of the “friend zone” and into an actual, committed relationship. You need to be realistic in understanding that this process of transformation is not always quick or easy but it can be done. If the female friend is really that special to you, then now is the time to be patient while pushing ahead. If you are sincere about changing your current friendship status to one of being with the woman you love, then you have to accept the fact that some lifestyle changes will need to occur on your end. Just remember, having the honor of being in a tight friendship with a woman you care about is a great position to be in. However, it is also important to understand that if you want more, then you need to position yourself in a way so she sees you as more than “just friends” and more like potential boyfriend material. The level of intimacy that a man and woman feel in a male/female friendship is very unique. Additionally, even if you have a close female friend, you can be sure that she still has some type of guard up, no matter how close you are. If you two are only friends, even close friends, then there is something holding her back. Sure, a woman will enjoy the diversity and variety she gets from having a male friendship but now it is important to focus on what things can be done to get her to change her mind. We want to address the most effective ways of getting out of your current situation of the “friend zone” so you get the girl. Sometimes, men have a fear of change, concerned that by trying to move from friendship to a relationship, they could lose not only the friendship, but also the intimate connection. True, this could happen but if the woman is as wonderful as you know her to be, then you have to trust that making changes with your inner self and lifestyle is your best bet for making a connection happen. NEEDED CHANGES As you start making changes for positioning yourself in a better light during the time of your friendship, you can be certain that she will notice and start to pay more attention to your transformation. At first, she may simply be intrigued and curious by your changes but as you continue to transform and improve, she will begin to see you different from just a friend.

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Doormat No More In most “friend zone” cases, the man goes out of his way to do anything possible to make his female friend happy. Even if not intended, this can come across to the woman as him being somewhat of a weak person, a doormat per se. Therefore, the first change you need to make is stop running to her every beckon call. Rather than rush to her aid or always being there at the drop of a hat, slow down and stop making yourself so available. A great example is if your friend calls, wait a day or two before you contact her. Without doubt, she is going to take immediate notice. Keep in mind that you do not want to ignore her completely or for a long period of time, which will only make her mad. Instead, you want to make yourself scarcer, which in turn will help her see the potential of losing you, thus drawing her back in and this time, even closer. Turning the Tables Turn the tables on your female friend but in a nice way. For instance, explain to her that after much thought, you have decided that the two of you will only be friends and nothing more. Even if she knows you are more interested than that, this type of statement gives her some food for thought. You can even go as far as talking about your dates or other woman you might be interested in. If there is a woman at work or school that you find interesting or attractive, ask your female friend for advice. Although she might not show jealousy, you can be 100% sure this is getting under her skin. Unpredictability As a friend, the woman is going to like having you around because you are predictable. She knows you can be counted on whenever she needs you, which is one of the attractions within the friendship. To move beyond the “friend zone”, you need to shake things up a bit by being unpredictable. By becoming somewhat of a challenge and keeping her guessing, things will slowly start to change. Although she is not trying to control or use you, she sees the friendship as solid, knowing no matter what, you will always be there for her. However, letting her realize that you will not come at every beckon call, that you have a life outside of 15

hers, and that you do not need her as much as she things, she will begin to react differently. Frame Reversibility After staying away for a few days or weeks, the key to being successful in getting her attention and more than just as friends, you need to change the way in which you interact, at least initially. Okay, we need to be real here in that if you have a close female friend, there is a high probability that you have encouraged some type of sexual relationship, you know, “friends with benefits”. Now, when you connect with your female friend after a short hiatus you need to eliminate any thought or talk of sex or intimacy. While this might be a challenge, remember since this has been a part of your normal MO, you know she will wonder why you have had a change of heart. Using this transformation method will improve your chance of her wanting you, just as you have wanted her. In addition, instead of gushing about how much you missed seeing or talking to her, make a comment such as “I decided to take a break because I was being way too needy and besides, you can do better than me.” When making such comments, it is important to give her a gentle hug and be nice, almost as if teasing but keeping her guessing. You no longer want to be her dating therapist, stop laughing at her unfunny jokes just to be nice, start teasing her about her dating disasters, and overall, toughen up. You are going to find it challenging to change your behavior but this is an important part of making the move out of the “friend zone” and into her arms. Flirting Techniques After you reconnect, it is important to use the right type of flirting techniques. When done right, you can begin to change the friendship into a flirting friendship, which then helps to open doors to a committed relationship. The process of getting flirty will show your female friend that you want to move from being a friend to being a suitor, someone who is seriously interested. At first, the flirtation should be innocent enough, a gentle squeeze of the arm, a hug, bumping into her, and so on. However, as the flirting continues and even escalates, you have a much better chance of moving out of the “friend zone”.

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The following are some of the flirting techniques you can use for getting her attention. •

Nudge her, pinch her arm, and lean into her body, staying near for 20 to 30 seconds instead of pulling away quickly

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Sit close to her any chance you get, at the theater, at home watching a movie, or in a restaurant

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When sitting close, if she starts to get sleepy, offer your lap as a pillow or allow her to rest her head on your shoulder

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As the two of you walk around and chat, place your arms over her shoulders but only for about 20 seconds. You can do this every chance you get, slowly over time letting your arm stay around her longer but keeping it natural.

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You can also take her hand while walking, again as a friendly gesture

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If the two of you have spent an evening out together and you take her home, give her a soft but short kiss goodnight

Always remind yourself that any lifestyle transformation takes time. You do not want to go into overload mode but give each of the techniques space so you are not doing things one on top of another. The process of moving from friendship to a relationship will not happen overnight. Remind yourself that this process is slow but designed to build something great with this special lady, well worth the investment of time and effort. Another important dynamic of the flirting process is not to discuss dating her. Even though this might be hard and you think you are receiving some positive signs from her, reign yourself in. Instead, let her know that you want to spend time with her, seeing a ballgame, a play, movie, or doing something outdoors but not “dating.” The minute the word “date” comes into play she will likely start to draw back. However, if she thinks the two of you will be spending time together as close friends, she will be open and be more willing to do a lot of things with you.

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The thing is, as these changes are made, you start to become less and less of “just a friend” and considered on a more intimate level. Changing from friendship to relationship is tough but if you push too hard, you will likely cause her to feel strange about what the two of you share, which is not what you hope to accomplish. Although making changes and spending a little time apart is not going to change everything, it will certainly help. As you go through the transformation, you will be giving her mixed signals while establishing your new role in her life. All of this will help you reach the point where you can begin to open up and share with her what you want in the form of a relationship but it takes time. Eventually, you will become more attractive to your female friend, which then increases your chances of landing her as your girl. Unfortunately, there will be times when things simply do not work out and in some instances, you could lose the friendship altogether. However, if you care enough, then you are ready and willing to take that chance and when done right, you could very well succeed at turning the friendship into a boyfriend/girlfriend connection.

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CHAPTER FOUR Revealing your Sexual Side In this chapter, we want to show you real methods for fully opening up and letting her see that you want a relationship with her. In the previous chapter, we showed you a few things that will help move you out of the “friend zone” but at this point, she knows that you have more interest than just hanging around. Therefore, you need help in getting to the next level, pushing the envelope so you capture her heart. WINNING HER OVER It is vital to understand that revealing your sexual side is not only physical, but also mental and emotional. In other words, to get the girl, you need to be sexually attractive to her in the way you look, act, and speak. We will start with the emotional and mental aspect of things so you know exactly what a woman is looking for and what you need to show her. Honesty If you were to interview 100 women, at least 99 of them would agree that an honest man is one worth keeping. Women need to feel secure, safe, and protected and one way is by having an honest man around. This means being free enough to open up about past mistakes as well as current wants. After all, if a woman can hear that you are not perfect because of past mistakes, chances are she will be more relaxed and not feel she is in a situation of having to meet your unreachable high standards. Honesty also means being open as to what you want out of a relationship from her. Once you have begun to move out of the “friend zone”, you need to let her know that you have strong feelings for her, that she means something special to you, and that you want a real, committed relationship. Since you have already laid the groundwork, she will be far more interested in what you have to offer. Intelligence Now, when we say intelligence, this does not necessarily mean having an MBA but it does mean using good common sense and having the ability to carry on an 19

interesting conversation. To a woman, intelligence also shows that the man has self-esteem and is goal-oriented. Again, this falls in the area of making the woman feel secure and safe, knowing the man cares enough about himself to use his brain. With intelligence, a woman is going to view a man as being capable of making important decisions, not only for his life, but her and his lives together. Intelligence comes in different forms, sometimes from the streets, sometimes from past hurts and accomplishments, and sometimes from books via higher education. Regardless of the type of intelligence you have, use it wisely. Women are notorious for taking notes on the way in which men handle various situations and if done right, serious points are earned. Financial Stability Another factor of showing your sexual side is proving that you can handle money. Please do not confuse financial stability with being wealthy because they are two different things. By financial stability, we mean a man who holds down a decent, full-time job, someone who pays bills on time, and a man who appreciates the value of the dollar while still being able to show a woman a good time. Women generally work extra hard for what they have and studies even show that men make more money than women do for the same type of job done within a number of industries. Therefore, most women see money as good or bad. When managed properly, money is a good thing but when spent wildly, it becomes bad. You will be far more appealing to your female friend by showing her that you respect money and handle it appropriately. After all, if you are going to build a long-term commitment, one that could lead to marriage and eventually, a family, home, car, and vacations, she needs to feel confident that you will be a good provider. Personal Appearance Looking GQ could cost a fortune but you can still dress the part simply by making right choices and knowing how to look handsome. While clothes are important, personal appearance is more about hygiene than clothes. Of course, wearing

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neat, trendy clothes will help but most of all, keep your hair clean and cut, fingernails clean and cut, and invest in good body soap and deodorant. This may seem like a given but you would be amazed at the number of men trying to get out of the “friend zone” who do nothing to make themselves physically attractive. Even just the right amount of great cologne will help win a woman over. After all, there is nothing more appealing than a clean, great smelling man! Manners Okay, you do not have to go as far as taking formal etiquette classes so you know which fork to use but you do want to act like a human being in public and at the dinner table. Instead of shoveling food into your mouth, no matter how hungry you might be, eat with manners. The same is true when doing something with your friend by not being loud and obnoxious, drinking too much, or making a fool of yourself doing things like burping, farting, or acting over the top silly. By having good manners, the special friend will simply look at you with a lot of respect, which makes her far more willing and comfortable in taking you around her family and friends. If you want a lifelong relationship with her, then you need to make a good impression on the other people in her life. Now is the time to brush up on your manners and put them to good use. Embarrassing the woman you care about will be certain death to any possible relationship! Humor Once you start capturing your female friend’s attention, use humor to secure it forever. Women love to laugh and when they are around a man who brings humor into situations, there is always an attraction. Even if you are not naturally funny or witty, you can still find ways of being humorous. This is great for creating lighthearted situations, putting a woman at ease, and making you a serious contender for her heart.

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CHAPTER FIVE What Women Really Want From a woman’s perspective, there are definite things you can do to win her over. After polling hundreds of women, information was gathered, information that can be used to show men what it is that women really want so when they pursue, they reach their goal. Now that you are pushing forward in building something special with your amazing friend, consider these facts to help you succeed: APPRECIATION Make sure your woman is told how special and appreciated she is. A little appreciation will go a long way in winning her heart. Therefore, never hold back in letting her know what an amazing person she is and how she has enhanced your life. Women love knowing they are appreciated and in return, she will start to appreciate you and in a different, more intimate way. SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF Do little things to show her how much you care, a little note left in her purse, a single rose sent to her office, or even a cup of coffee in the morning. The majority of women agree that it is the little things that make big impacts much more than expensive and over the top gifts and gestures. RESPECT Respect is shown in a multitude of ways but as a prime example is to respect her time needed for doing things with her girlfriends. Just as men need time with male friends, women need time with female friends. Having this type of mutual respect will make for a very strong connection. Another type of respect would be giving her your undivided attention during a conversation, making eye contact so she knows you are not just listening, but actually hearing what she has to say. FAMILY AND FRIEND CONNECTIONS Just as you are respectful to her, also be respectful to her family and friends. In appropriate time, it will be important for you to make connections with her children, other family members, friends, coworkers, neighbors, and so on. Sometimes, a man 22

will be interested in a woman but forget about the other people in her life. Even if you do not become best friends with her group, you at least want to make an honest effort of getting to know the other individuals in her life and then opening up so they can get to know you. Now, if your female friend has children still at home, you probably already have some type of relationship with them via the friendship. However, when moving to a committed relationship, things need to be handled with kitten gloves. For instance, in a relationship, there will be intimacy. In this case, you will need to follow her lead and respect her decision of waiting for you to sleep at her house. From the woman’s perspective, most are very protective of the children and will often wait until things are well established before allowing sleepovers. STICK UP FOR HER Never be afraid to fight for your woman. This does not necessarily mean a physical fight but standing up for her in certain situations will mean the world to her. If you find yourself in a group of strangers and someone pushes or makes a rude comment to your woman, you need to protect her. The same is true among family and friends that might say something negative to or about her. Again, you will enjoy a lasting relationship by sticking up for her, giving her a sense of security and trust. Most importantly, if something derogative is said about her when she is not around, make sure you do not find yourself getting caught up in the conversation. You can be sure that things said when she is not with you will get back to her and if for any reason she was told about a negative comment or conversation and then discovered that rather than standing up for her, you did nothing or worse yet, agreed with the statement made. SPOILING Do not be afraid to spoil the woman you are building a relationship with. As we mentioned above, spoiling does not always mean expensive gifts or lavish getaways, although it could. However, take her to dinner when you know she is tired, hold open the car door, pull out her chair, and surprise her with little gifts, things you know that she wants and/or needs.

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FOLLOW THROUGH Always follow up on phone calls. Seriously, if you talk to the special woman in your life and tell her that you will call the following day or at specific time, make sure you call. With today’s technologies such as cell phones and instant messaging, along with the good, old-fashioned payphone, there is no reason not to follow up on promises made. One missed call can do a tremendous amount of damage and after coming so far, you certainly do not want to go backwards. Of course, the same would be true if you plan to meet her or pick her up at a certain time – make sure you are there or she is notified is something unexpected came up. There will be times when you are forced to work late, called into an unexpected meeting, get caught in traffic, or have an emergency that must be dealt with. All it takes is 30-second phone call to let her know you called because you said you would but that due to circumstances, you cannot talk right now. The majority of women will be completely, understanding but a missed call is a dangerous game to play. MACHOISM If you want to act macho do it when you are out with the guys. Trying to be cool and powerful as a means of showing off is actually unattractive to most women. Yes, women love real men but also men who are not afraid to show their softer side. “Machoism” can be seen as game playing, a great way to end your growing relationship. STRENGTHS AND ACCOMPLISHMENTS Admire and respect her strengths and accomplishments. If the woman you are now courting has a high, good paying position, even one better than yours, do not feel threatened but instead, compliment her on her accomplishments and show her support in her career endeavors. Typically, women have to work extraordinarily hard to get to a high profile or high paying job so you should show her your confident side by encouraging her and telling her how proud of her you are.

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KING OF THE HILL Allow the woman in your life to treat you like a king. She is likely a realist, knowing that you will fall off the pedestal from time to time that she placed you on but enjoy her caring about you, praising you, and complimenting you. Amazingly, many men fail big time in this area, worried they cannot meet or maintain the position but to the woman, she is merely doing what comes naturally in showing that the man has made an impression. If your female friend is doing nice things to please you, you want to take this as a good sign, one that means all of your hard work of getting her into your life is finally paying off. Women friends will do nice things for their male friends but when she begins letting you know nice you look, or that she loves your new cologne, or perhaps she wants to make you a special dinner, the likelihood of her being open to more than friends is good. AFFECTION Finally, to get out of the “friend zone” and into a meaningful relationship, you have to add affection to the mix. In general, women love affection, which means holding hands, kissing, compliments, hugs, snuggling, and in time, intimacy. The key here is that women need to feel as if you really want to spend time being close to her without alternative motives. This is why when you first start the process of transformation from friendship to a relationship, you cannot rush things in the sex department or the woman will see right through you. When you show her affection, it needs to come from the heart just because you love being near and around her, showering her with sweet gestures that show how much you care. Congratulations for getting to this point. You should be proud of your accomplishments, knowing that you are taking an incredible journey, one that requires hard work and dedication but also a journey that will ultimately turn your friend into your girlfriend. You will now need to practice some of the things you have learned. With this, you will be able to fine tune your newfound skills, but also be able to pick up on her reactions, thus getting a much better idea as to her level of interest. In the following chapter, we have provided some exercises for you to try. Remember – TAKE THINGS SLOWLY. You cannot move fast so use these exercises over time and almost in a covert manner. 25

CHAPTER SIX Exercises for Moving from Friends to More We have provided you with chapter after chapter of viable information that can give you a better chance of moving out of the “friend zone” and into the “relationship zone”. However, now comes the time when you need to put all the words you have read into action. To give you a jumpstart in reaching your goal, we wanted to provide you with actual exercises that can be done to allow you to see the way in which she responds. With this, you have the opportunity to get a better feel as to how your efforts are being received, which then lets you make any needed adjustments. These exercises are to be performed in a subtle way, which will ensure the friendship is not damaged. Her immediate response to the exercises may or may not provide you with full insight as to her feelings but these are still excellent ways way to practice the things you need to do to start moving the friendship forward. Of course, you want to make certain that you do not go through all of the exercises offered in a single day or she will for sure pick up on what you are trying to do. Instead, use these exercises as mere guidelines that can be tried over a period of weeks, if not months. Always remember that the process of getting out of the “friend zone” is not a fast one – this takes a lot of dedication, determination, and patience. The same is true with the following exercises in that they need to be done covertly and with a ton of patience! EXERCISE ONE Flirting Time We discussed flirting as a means of transforming your behavior so your female friend knows that you are interested in a committed relationship but now, you get to put flirting to work in the form of an exercise. Remember – these exercises are designed to be subtle so even if the two of you innocently flirt, you are now going to step it up a bit but not so much that she feels uncomfortable. For this first exercise, when the two of you are together, perhaps sitting across from one another over a meal, start by holding her gaze just a little longer than 26

you would normally do. As she talks, make sure your attention is at a higher level, spending more time listening than talking. Additionally, use your sense of humor as a means of encouraging her and showing her a good time, not the type of humor you typically have with her as a friend, but humor that promotes good, in-depth conversation. EXERCISE TWO The Touch Barrier Another area we discussed was increasing your touch, putting your arms around her neck, holding her hand, or bumping into her in a teasing way. Now, you want to put the touching to practice in a new way, one that would get a positive reaction from her. With this, you will need to look for an appropriate opportunity, times that seem natural while allowing you to be a little more forward. As an example, if a strand of her hair were to fall over her face, before she moves it, reach over and gently push it back in place. Another option would be to place your hand on the small part of her back as the two of you walk into the theater or restaurant. Chances are that you usually put your hand on her shoulder or top portion of the back but the small of the back is a more intimate part of the body. Since you have likely had some innocent touching, she will not think much of this, but you can be sure she will notice the change. EXERCISE THREE Treat her Like a Lady Listen carefully – you have probably always treated her with respect and kindness because she is someone special to you, but now, your third exercise is to treat her like a lady, a genuine lady, not just a woman. Okay, so what does that mean? Even though she is someone wonderful, you have still viewed her as a friend. However, at this point, you are going to stop treating her as a close female friend and more like a lady. Although you probably do not treat her the same way you treat your male friends, she is still not out of the “friend” realm. Your mission if you wish to accept it is to take her to dinner, someplace nice, quiet, and just a little romantic without going overboard. Let her know that you will pick her up and when you show up at her 27

house, greet her at the door, walk her to the car, open and close the car door, and once at the restaurant, help her out of the car, offer her your arm, open the restaurant door, and pull out her chair. Even if this has been a normal way of treating her as a friend, for this dinner, you are going to focus on nothing but her, not looking around at other woman or flirting with the waitress, talking about dating other women, and so on, but giving her your full, undivided attention with compliments and asking about something in her life you know she values. The goal is not to be sappy or fake, but relaxed, sincere, and focused. EXERCISE FOUR New Hobby If you know there is something she has been interested in doing or learning, you have a perfect opportunity to impress her and put your new skills to the test. Even if the hobby is not something you particularly have interest in - that is not the point. Therefore, your next exercise is to identify and then surprise her with something you know she wants to do. Let us say that your female friend has talked about taking a ceramics class, learning to bowl, or learning to speak a foreign language. Instead of just encouraging her, you want to go ahead and make a small financial investment and purchase the class or lessons for her, and for you. Then, instead of giving this to her as a special gift, perhaps for her birthday or Christmas, surprise her just because. Not only are you enjoying time together doing something important to her, you have also shown her that you listen to what she says – guaranteed to get you big brownie points. EXERCISE FIVE Take Her On a Picnic One way to let a friend know that you are interested in more is by doing things you have never done before, things a boyfriend would likely do. With exercise number five, pick a beautiful Saturday and tell her you have a special surprise in

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store. Weeks before, conduct research to locate an amazing park or quiet lake where you can enjoy the environment and each other’s company. Then, with the location chosen, you will need to plan the contents of the picnic basket. If you are not good in the kitchen, you can always visit your local deli to have something incredible made. Great options include sandwiches made of ham and muenster cheese on Focaccia bread with cherry jam spread, macaroni salad, fresh, cut up vegetables to include carrots and celery, frosted brownies for dessert, and then cold ice tea or lemonade. Of course, your “friendly” picnic will need a soft comforter or blanket on which to sit, a portable CD player with CDs of her favorite artists, and a single rose to help set the tone. Because this is something you have never done before, she might be suspicious and curious but by keeping the conversation light and easy, as it has always been she will quickly feel at ease, appreciating all the work you went through in putting the perfect picnic together. EXERCISE SIX Show her your Soft Side Another area touched on is the importance of showing a woman that while you are definitely a manly man you can also be sensitive and sweet. Women find this a real turn on so use it to your advantage. A great way to show a woman your softer side without feeling as if you are losing your masculinity is by volunteering within the community where you live. Always remember that women by nature are givers and nurturers. Therefore, asking her to volunteer along with you is a great way to earn her heart. Although there are hundreds of volunteer opportunities throughout the year, if you happen to be in the holiday season, make some phone calls to find a homeless shelter that needs people to cook, serve food, deliver presents, and so on. Of course, the volunteering should be done as a joint effort with your female friend. You are guaranteed that this good deed will not go unrewarded. Although she may not become your girlfriend overnight, this type of gesture will be tucked safely away where it is processed over and over again, making her realize what a great catch you are.

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EXERCISE SEVEN Time for Change The final exercise we want you to do is to find something about you and change it. Sometimes, shaking things up a little is a great way of getting a female friend to take notice. Typically, a male and female friend becomes accustomed to each other’s behaviors and appearances so when things change, it peaks her curiosity. For instance, if you have worn your hair in the same style year after year, consider having the color changed, highlights added, or perhaps getting a completely new cut. Even modifying your wardrobe slightly will show her a new, confident side that could very well make a huge impression. If this woman is only seeing you as a friend, making a few changes are an excellent way of getting her attention and more than that, making her wonder why the changes were made in the first place. She could suspect that you have met someone, which might create a little jealousy, or she may have realized that you are pursuing her as a girlfriend and now, take you more seriously. As we mentioned at the start of the chapter, you cannot jump right in and start going through one exercise after another in a week. Women have uncanny intuition and if your rush the process of getting her as your girlfriend, she is going to see right through you and never consider moving you out of the “friend zone”. Throughout the exercise process, remind yourself about the importance of patience and subtlety. Most of all – have fun and relax!

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CHAPTER SEVEN Enjoy a Long-Term Relationship – Never Go Back to “Just Friends” Congratulations - after a lot of hard work, effort, and determination, you and your female friend have moved past being buddies to being serious lovers in a committed relationship. Now more than ever, you need to make sure you put forth effort in maintaining what you have worked so hard to build. Too often, men will go through all the work of pushing out of the “friend zone” and once they land the woman, they forget everything learned, quickly reverting back to old habits. Obviously, in a dating scenario, the woman is going to see what is happening and before long, the relationship will go south. If married, this is when couples get themselves in trouble as they head toward divorce. Building a connection with your female friend was important enough to you so much that you made some serious changes so why would you want to throw it all away? We want to provide you with three primary dynamics on what it takes to hold on to the love of your life. Finding a good person is one thing – getting that person to date you is one thing – maintaining a long-term, loving and committed relationship is another thing altogether. However, this is not difficult or impossible, simply a matter of keeping up on the good actions you have already put in motion. The truth is that most men from a very young age have been conditioned to be an alpha. Men are taught to serve in specific roles that include provider and protector. This means they have to be strong, brave, hard-working, and consistent. While all of these character traits are what draw women to men in the first place, there also has to be a balance of toughness and tenderness, which for some men is hard to do. DYNAMIC FORCES Just as women look for a provider and protector, they also want a man who is sensitive, loving, affection, and not afraid to be emotional in appropriate circumstances. During this time of the relationship building process, it is critical to understand the dynamics of what it takes to be in a loving, committed relationship with your best friend. The three main dynamics include the mind, heart, and soul, which we have addressed below. 31

Mind The words we say, behaviors we act out, and the things we think are all driven by the powerful brain. The brain is also responsible for our beliefs, perceptions, opinions, judgments, desires, and rationalizations. To make sure the mind works for you in your relationship and not against you, it needs to be programmed for success, which comes from discipline and determination. What happens is that when two people get into a relationship, the majority of time and attention is spent on the other person, pleasing her, being with her, talking to her, and so on. Obviously, the brain becomes a little overloaded with the change and as a result, there can be raw emotions, distorted perceptions, unrealistic expectations, and even confusion. Remember, this is perfectly normal but at this time, you need to get things in check so any changes associated with the relationship are handled correctly. If you do not find this balance, you could easily get yourself into trouble with miscommunication, emotions, trust, and other factors. Instead of allowing any negative energy to take control because of the changes in which the mind is processing, take a deep breath, slow down, and trust what special bond you and the woman in your life share. Shortly, you will start to think clearly and the relationship can grow in a healthy manner. Heart Did you know that of all muscles in the body, the heart is the strongest? Then why is it that the heart is also the one that gets hurts the easiest? As you have probably already experienced, the heart is hugely involved not only with friendship, but also a serious relationship. Again, if you want the woman in your life to be around for a long time, you have to be able to tap into the heart, accepting that there is the chance of it getting hurt but if you do not put your fears aside, then the relationship will never happen or succeed. We all know that with every relationship comes disappointment, anger, frustration, and of course, hurt but when the two of you are faced with some type of dilemma, instead of hardening the heart and tuning out, remind yourself of the work you put into getting this woman in your life and then lighten up. There is nothing unmanly about being sensitive, soft, loving, and tender and in fact, to the 32

woman, this coupled with the strength of protector and provider can be a real turn on. Soul The last dynamic required in any successful relationship is the soul. A great way to look at the soul is it being your inner voice. The soul is what resides deep within the body and mind, being the very existence of the person you are. The soul is a type of energy force that is very powerful, especially in building and maintaining a happy, loving relationship. Your soul is what will tell you when things are right or wrong, dangerous or safe, and real or unreal so you need to listen to this inner voice, trusting what you hear. Many people think of the soul as being the subconscious mind, which is vital to life. As you go through life in a relationship, there are going to be times when the heart says one thing, the mind says another, and then the soul puts its two cents worth in. You have to be able to decipher the truth so you make good decisions for you, your lover, and the relationship as a whole. The answer to this is to pay attention to the soul, to the things you feel deep on the inside. You see, the soul gets messages and energy from the mind and heart, actually serving as a mediator between the two. Therefore, if you and your special woman fight over something or have differing opinions, take time to listen to your natural instinct so no sudden decisions are made that could be damaging. As the relationship progresses and things between the two of you become more serious, chances are that the mind is going to start putting out signs of doubt and the heart feelings of fear. Again, this is completely normal, something everyone in a relationship goes through. You have a choice of abandoning the relationship, or trusting you and the very reasons you fell in love with this woman in the first place. If you get clear messages from the soul, then you know without doubt you are on the right track. How do you know – check out the types of messages you should be getting from deep inside, confirming that you are in love and with the right person. •

The look in her eyes gives you butterflies

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Her smile inspires you and puts you at ease

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She makes you feel loved, secure, appreciated, and safe

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With her in your life, you want to succeed

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Taking care of her as a provider and keeping her safe as a protector is the most important things to you

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Even when she has no makeup on and is lounging around in sweats, you feel profoundly proud

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She supports and encourages you to be the best you can be

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You feel completely at peace with your life and the relationship

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You want to do everything possible to make this relationship succeed

Getting out of the “friend zone” and into the heart of your female friend has been an unbelievable adventure, sometimes good and sometimes bad. Most often, when a man makes the appropriate changes and follows the advice provided in this book, he will succeed. Of course, there is always a slight chance that even with change and hard work, nothing more than friendship is ever achieved but unless you try, you will never know what you can achieve.

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CHAPTER EIGHT Telltale Signs that you will only be Friends If you find yourself in the position of having put in a lot of time, effort, and even money to win over your female friend but without success, please remember that there is no reason the friendship cannot continue going strong. Most importantly, never feel like a failure or even embarrassed by the outcome. Trying to move out of the “friend zone” comes with risk so there are times when no matter what you do, it simply never works. Sometimes, a man will be working to build a relationship with a female friend, thinking everything is going fine when suddenly, it all falls apart. In this case, the man would likely feel shame and embarrassment, which again needs to be avoided. However, we wanted to provide you with some telltale signs that your incredible relationship is never go to evolve into anything more. This way, you can pay attention to the signs and back off gracefully. As hard as it might be to hear, there is a definite difference in being loved by someone and that person being “in love” with you. If your female friend is starting to fall in love with you, she will make sure you know but if not, there will be certain telltale signs that the friendship is not going to move beyond the “friend zone”. However, that does not mean this woman does not love and care about you, just not in the way you were hoping. Putting it all out there in anticipation that your friend is going to fall in love is scary and frustrating at times but unless you try, you will never know. Once you start to realize that the friendship to relationship is not going to occur, you then can expect to feel defeated, exasperated, hurt, and even a little angry. All of these emotions are natural and expected so try hard not to beat yourself up and just accept the fact that you have had an incredible opportunity to build a lifelong friendship and nothing more. Obviously, feeling unsure coupled with your heart’s desire to receive the love from your special friend creates mixed emotions. The thing to keep in your mind is that things could be worse. Even if you never turn the friend into a girlfriend, you are very fortunate to have this close bond and in fact, there are many benefits to having a female friend that you can capitalize on such as: •

A close female friend can provide invaluable feedback on how to get an amazing girlfriend. She becomes a huge resource pool filled with a wealth of information 35

about dating, gift giving, behavior, and so on, and of course, she can provide answers to general questions you likely have. •

You can also use the services of your special female friend, having her keep her eyes open for someone that you could be hooked up with. After all, she probably has a long list of friends from childhood, school, and work that might be the ideal match for you.

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Finally, there is always the chance that in time, she might begin to see you differently, realizing that she did not give you much of a chance and that perhaps, the very man she has been looking for has been beside her all along.

We all know that being in love is an incredible feeling but only if both parties share the same emotion. Unfortunately, there are millions of men just like you who find themselves trapped in the love soap opera of being in love with an incredible woman but knowing she will never love back. Then hearing those dreaded words “I love you but I’m just not in love with you” cuts to the quick. Instead of feeling you have just met the end of the world, realize that things happen for a reason and there is someone incredible out there just perfect for you and in the meantime before you meet her, you still have an amazing friendship with a very special woman. Although every “friend zone” friendship is slightly unique, there are surefire signs that the relationship you hoped for will never happen. CHANGE OF BEHAVIOR If the woman realizes that you are more interested than she is, to save you pain and embarrassment, she might very well start to change her behavior. This is not to make you feel rejected or to end the friendship, but merely to protect you. Some of these telltale signs include the following. Distancing You may begin to notice that your friend does not return your phone calls or waits several days to call back. While you used this tactic in trying to snag her, she is now using the same technique but this time to create a safe distance. As the pursuer, the technique works one way but for the woman being pursued, it means something very different. Chances are that she will not be available to see you on a daily basis as before but again, this is not meant to hurt but to protect and let you down easily. 36

Irritability You might find that when the two of you do spend time together, it seems that everything you do is irritating or frustrating to her. Again, this is the woman’s way of trying to keep a wall up and many times, these behaviors are done unconsciously. If you find this happening, try not to take it personal. Instead, make sure time spent with your friend is casual and relaxing so she will not feel any stress. Expressions Your female friend might not open up to you about her feelings on different subjects as much or to the same degree as when she saw you only as a “friend”. This barrier serves two purposes, it keeps you at bay, possibly discouraging you from pursing her further, and she may have met someone that she really likes more than friends and simply does not want to make you feel any worse than you already do. In rare instances, a female friend may go as far as lie to you, which obviously can put the friendship at risk. Gatherings Whereas before the two of you went to parties, social events, sporting games, and other activities together, she may start asking a female friend to join her instead or going alone. This hurts but you need to remember that she is probably struggling with her own emotions, feeling frustrated and confused right along with you and again, not wanting to lead you on and hurt you. Affection The innocent flirtation of holding hands, putting arms around each other, goodnight kisses, or leaning on each other will likely come to a screeching halt. The reason is that the woman will now feel that if she gives an inch, you will take a mile and she does not want anything done or said to be misconstrued. Conversation Finally, if your female friend is trying to pull back so as not to hurt you, chances are conversations are going to feel somewhat strained. In addition to not sharing as much information and not talking as often, when you do get together, the easy

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flow of words that you shared before might be missing. You could even notice that when you do talk, there appears to be little sincerity or interest in her voice. Okay, you might be thinking that not only did you not get out of the “friend zone” with your special female friend, you also lost the friendship altogether. The truth is that your friendship is still very salvageable so do not simply tuck your tail between your legs and run. Now is the time for a heart-to-heart talk with your friend. Set some time aside so the two of you can sit down some place quiet. Then, you need to be honest with her about your feelings but also that you are not willing to sacrifice the incredible friendship that you have enjoyed. Make sure you act with sincerity and that your words are straightforward, letting her know that you never meant to put pressure on her or make her feel uncomfortable. Tell her that the friendship you have shared is worth a million dollars and that you are 100% okay in just being friends. Even if this is not exactly how you feel, you need to do a little bit of damage control by making her feel easy and comfortable. Most women are very understanding and more than willing to continue on as before when you were in the “friend zone”. It could possibly take a few weeks or even months for things to go back to the way they were so give her a little space and time. At first, she may decline a night out for dinner or a movie but do not take it personal. She just wants to ease back into things slowly to ensure the friendship is restored so it will last a lifetime. In a short amount of time, the two of you will be right back into your tight friendship routine, again laughing and having fun but only as friends. PREEMPTIVE FRIEND ZONE TECHNIQUE Now, another option that some men use is called the “Preemptive Friend Zone Technique.” While we are not convinced this is the best approach, there are some instances where it works. The concept is to make it appear as if you made the decision not to move forward first and if done in the right way, with a kind, caring, and warm spirit, then no one gets hurt. Simply put, if you have gone through the various methods of transforming the friendship into a loving relationship but you are beginning to realize this is never going to happen, you can start putting the preemptive technique into motion. After picking up the telltale signs that nothing is going to change, over dinner one night, make a comment something to the effect of: 38

“Because we have had such an amazing friendship, I started thinking that perhaps you and I should move our friendship into an actual dating relationship but the more I thought about it, the more I realized that we have such a unique and wonderful friendship, I would be a fool to change anything and potentially mess it up. I just wanted you to know that you are an amazing friend and I’m so glad I’ve had the opportunity to share great experience with you.” When you use the Preemptive Friend Zone Technique, one of two things will happen. She will either let out a quiet sigh of relief because she had no interest in being anything more than friends or, she may pause and be a little confused as to why is she not good enough for you to pursue. At that point, continue on as friends and if she realizes that she is interested in you as a boyfriend, she will begin to change, giving you distinctive signs and behaviors. Then, the two of you can have a discussion to decide if you really want to move out of the “friend zone” or remain close buds. Try to look at the situation this way – if all you and your special female friends ever share is a loving, caring, fun, adventurous, and lifelong friendship, then you are already a winner. Sure, it would be wonderful if you could capture her heart and actually move into a committed relationship but if not, you have had an amazing opportunity to build a solid friendship, something that not everyone in life gets to have.

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CHAPTER NINE Avoiding the Friend Zone in the First Place The focus of this book has been on methods of getting out of the dreaded “friend zone” but we also wanted to dedicate a chapter on how this position can be avoided in the first place. Just as with illness, it can be treated but any doctor would tell you that preventative maintenance is always the best solution. The same is true with the “friend zone”. Knowing how to stay out of it is much easier than trying to get out. Of course, if you do end up in the “friend zone”, we have shown you true, proven methods for getting out but if you can avoid it in the first place then you can position yourself to go after the woman of your dreams. THE GOLDEN RULE You need to start by learning the golden rule of rules – never tell a woman directly how you feel about her. If you start in with “I really like you more than a friend”, you have just taken the chase and challenge out of the equation and moved yourself right into the arena you were trying to avoid. The goal is to get her to make the move in confessing her interest for you. To get a woman to take the initiative so you do not have to, you need to tell her a few things first. Some of these things may sound harsh but just as men are drawn in by the chase, women are too. Therefore, she needs to understand that you have incredibly high standards, she is not someone you need, you are looking for a sexual connection, and that you are careful not to let friends with benefits ruin a friendship. You would not simply blurt this information out but get the message across by the way you act or present yourself. High Standards The way to let her known that you have incredibly high standards is to make comments that you have come to realize that you could date about anyone you wanted but the women you have been dating do not meet up to your standards. Then, give you specifics as to what your high standards consist of, someone who is witty, intelligent, a woman who is athletic, or domestic.

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Once you have shared this information, you then want to start asking her questions to find out what type of boyfriend materials she is most interested in. After listening to her go on and one for a little while, you can then share a story about an ex-girlfriend and how perfect everything seemed but once you got into a relationship with her, you realized that she was lousy in bed. Not Needed The next factor is that you do not need her in your life. With this, you state that you are so busy with work/school, sports, family, and other things that there is simply no room for any kind of relationship. To the woman, this will make it appear as if you are your own priority. With this, you put yourself in a position of bowing out of a scheduled date but then having the opportunity to make it right. Sexual Connection Feel free to discuss sex to include friends with benefits. Chances are she is going to be a little shocked but this opens up a chance for conversation. Therefore, you then have a way of asking her about her own sexual preferences and if at any point she begins to squirm, you can tell her that the two of you are only friends and you are open to learning what women really want in the bedroom. Safe Friendship The point here is to let a woman know that you have been fortunate in that the majority of your ex-girlfriends are still close friends. What this does is show her that you are not one to just throw people away, which can help her let down her guard for nothing more than a great friendship. This type of approach for staying out of the “friend zone” helps define who really is interested in only friendship and which women want a girlfriend/boyfriend relationship with you. Men who have taken this avenue swear by it. Knowing what to expect from a particular woman lets you be friends or jump right into a one-on-one relationship, therefore, never getting caught in the “friend zone” at all. SET THE GROUNDWORK If you want to protect yourself so you do not end up trapped, then it is important that you continue dating other women until the time comes that the two of you have sat 41

down and had a heart-to-heart conversation. This way, you are keeping all your options open until the time comes that you and your special female friend have discussed what you want from each other. If she wants to remain friends only, then you still have other women to date but if she decides she wants a relationship with you, then you have control in focusing your attention on only one woman. BEING AVAILABLE We have touched on this earlier but when trying to stay out of the “friend zone”, it also applies. Simply put, you make the determination as to how much you are willing to give. When she calls or sends you an email or text messaging, wait until later in the day to get back in touch with her. In addition to protecting you, this can also work to your advantage in getting the woman’s attention since absence often promotes desire. Remember, this is not about playing games or being mean, but living your own life. NO GIFT GIVING It is common for a man to give a woman who he is interested in a gift. However, to ensure you do not wind up in the “friend zone”, no gift giving period. The first time you offer a woman a gift, the game rules have changed. The goal here is to make a woman feel that she has to earn your attention and a place in your heart. BE NICE BUT NOT TOO NICE When you meet a woman, you certainly want to be nice and respectful but if you become too nice and too accommodating to her every need, then you are immediately viewed as a wonderful friend and nothing more. Yes, women want nice boyfriends but to get the girl, you have to offer some level of challenge. SLOW DOWN Another common reason men end up in the “friend zone” is that they come off as being way too eager to start a relationship. Coming across as overly interested will raise huge red flags to a woman who will wonder why you are acting so desperate. Instead of seeing this as genuine interest, most women will see eagerness because the man has some kind of huge flaw. The solution is to slow down and even allow the woman to start the pursuit.

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AGGRESSIVENESS Unbelievable, men will end up in a friendship only situation because they come off as aggressive. There is nothing wrong with a man pursuing a woman but when this is too strong and over the top, the word “stalker” is going to enter her mind. There is a fine balance of being aggressive enough but not too much. We suggest you be assertive with the words you use and not aggressive with your actions. TOO MUCH SHARING If you start talking to a woman about your past dating experiences, intimacy, falling in love, romance, and all these different relationship issues, the effect it will have one a woman is negative, not positive. Just as you want to limit the amount and kind of information you share, also be careful in putting a woman on the witness stand. Sure, you can show interest in her, learning different aspects of her life, but if you begin drilling her with question after question, especially about romance and relationships, she will shut down quickly and put you in the “friend zone”. SHOW IMPERFECTIONS You may be one of those men who excel at everything he does but unless you want to be thrown into the “friend zone”, you need to show women that you are imperfect. The goal here is to become approachable. If women see you as being the “perfect man”, they will quickly dismiss you as potential lover/relationship material. COMMAND RESPECT The final tip for never landing in the “friend zone” is to command a woman’s respect. For instance, if you have a friend who calls you at 9:30 at night, knowing you get up early for work, let her know that you do not appreciate it. Interestingly, women will often test a man without even knowing it. Sometimes, a woman will push hard to see if you should be looked at as a friend or boyfriend. To protect yourself and actually make yourself more appealing, stand up for you!

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CHAPTER TEN Summary, Disclaimer & Copyright We hope that the information gathered and provided in this eBook has opened a window of opportunity for getting and keeping you out of the “friend zone”. We have taken great care to present a wide variety of information based on facts and expert opinions for our readers, people who are genuinely interested in moving from friendship to a girlfriend. We sincerely want to thank you for reading Escape the Friend Zone…from just a friend to your girlfriend and we feel confident that after going through the information, you will be enlightened and feel more empowered to achieve your goal. Although we cannot make any promises or guarantees as to each person’s results, we do feel that to stay as far away from the “friend zone” as possible, the information provided will help. Most importantly, we want to wish you good luck as you take your journey from friend to girlfriend! We want you to know that every effort has been made to ensure the accuracy and completeness of the content provided in this eBook. However, the author nor any person associated with this book makes no warranties or guarantees, expressed or implied, regarding errors or omissions and assumes no legal liability or responsibility for loss or damage from the use of information contained within. Additionally, the author and related individuals do not guarantee, expressed or implied, for the accuracy, completeness, or usefulness of any information, apparatus, product, or process disclosed, or represents that its use would guarantee improvement or success in relation to the subject written about. The content of Escape the Friend Zone…from just a friend to your girlfriend is copyright protected, with all rights reserved and may not be copied or imitated in whole or part without first requesting full written permission from the author.

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