My Brother's Keeper

MY BROTHER'S KEEPER

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Candace Sams

MY BROTHER’S KEEPER By Candace Sams

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My Brother’s Keeper

The scanning, uploading and distribution of this book via the Internet or via any other means without the permission of the publisher is illegal, and punishable by law. Please purchase only authorized electron ic editions, and do not participate in or encourage the electronic piracy of copyrighted materials. Your support of the author's rights is appreciated. This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are either the product of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, places, organizations, or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental. MY BROTHERS KEEPER Copyright (c) 2005 by Candace Sams ISBN: 1-59836-039-6 Cover art and design (c) 2005 by Josephine Piraneo All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any form without permission, except as provided by the U.S. Copyright Law. Printed and bound in the United States of America. For information, you can find us on the web at www.VenusPress.com

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DEDICATION

Thanks to my husband, Lee, and thanks to all the readers who’ve tried my stories over the years. I hope you like this new one. And, if you get the chance, drop by a fire station and visit the men and women there. Bring them cookies during the holidays and let them know they aren’t forgotten.

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My Brother’s Keeper

CHAPTER ONE

Ben pulled off his helmet and wiped the sweat from his forehead with his jacket sleeve. Smoke drifted into his eyes from the burned-out building but it didn’t keep him from seeing the furious expression on his captain’s face. “I’m screwed,” he muttered as his supervisor shook his head then slowly walked away. What he’d just done was so stupid not even a rookie would have tried it. But he’d managed to get the elderly couple out of their apartment before the entire south wall of their old building collapsed. In the process of picking up his gear, Ben saw one of the other firemen approach. “Cap says he wants to see you when we get back to the station.” “He was standing here just a minute ago. Why didn’t he tell me himself?” Ben warily asked. “I’ve never seen him so pissed, Ben. I don’t think he wants to talk to you right now. Just take your time getting cleaned up when we get back to the station, then go to his office. Let him cool off first. But brother, I wouldn’t want to be you for anything.” The fellow firefighter clapped Ben on the shoulder in a conciliatory fashion and shook his head as he walked away. “Damn!” Ben exhaled slowly, watched his friend’s retreating figure and knew he’d finally gone too far. When he got back to the firehouse, Ben took his time as his friend suggested, he showered and cleaned all his gear before confronting his supervisor. He squared his shoulders before knocking on the man’s door and announcing himself. “Come in, Ben. And close the door behind you,” the captain ordered. Cap never told anybody to close the door unless there was some serious buttchewing coming. Maybe this time he deserved it. But just to give himself the benefit of the doubt, Ben pretended not to know what was about to happen. “What’s up, Cap?” “Sit down, Ben. You and I are going to have a long, serious talk. One you’ve needed for a while now.” He paused. “I should have done this sooner, but I thought you’d pull yourself out of whatever idiot gear that’s been driving you.” “Aw, Cap...”

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“Don’t!” The captain held up a hand before he could say anything. Especially anything that would get him into more trouble. “Don’t talk. Don’t say one word. You just listen.” Ben took a deep breath, nodded and sat back in the chair provided for him. He’d be lucky if there was enough of his ass left at the end of the day to sit on. “I don’t know what the hell is wrong with you, but you know better than to run into a building without the proper equipment and backup. That wall almost came down on you.” Ben opened his mouth to defend himself but the captain shook his head in warning. He sat in silence and waited for the supervisor to finish his tirade. “You know the rules. Hell, you ought to. Your old man helped write ‘em.” The captain leaned back in his chair and studied Ben for a moment. “You took two days off after Chris died. Two days.” He stared at the younger man a long moment before continuing. “I don’t care what you or anyone else says, that wasn’t enough.” Ben’s patient attitude turned sour. “This hasn’t got anything to do with...” “I won’t tell you again to keep your mouth shut. Is that clear?” Ben glared at his supervisor but did as he was ordered and simply nodded. “About ten months ago, I watched one of the best firefighters that ever lived go down. Your dad died in that residential fire when he shouldn’t have even been in the building. He should have been at the command post, outside like all the other senior supervisors. But he ran into that burning house just like you ran into that apartment complex today. Just like your brother ran into that warehouse two months ago. And I’ll be damned if I watch another Murphy die. Not on my shift, not at my station and not in this district. Is that clear?” Ben averted his gaze and didn’t respond. It was true his father shouldn’t have been in a burning house. The elder Murphy was only a few weeks away from retirement when he left a command post because he thought he could get to a young girl when no one else had been able to. But the girl, her parents and his father had all died that day when the smoke had overcome them. He and Chris stood silently by and watched when their father’s body had been pulled from the debris. There was nothing to say about the incident except that it was over. Chris, however, was another story. His younger brother had been doing everything by the book when he died. But only Ben knew it shouldn’t have turned out the way it did. He was the one who should have fallen six stories to his death. Not Chris. The captain watched Ben’s face and sadly shook his head. “You won’t be satisfied until you’ve joined them. Is that it?” The man waited but there was no response 6

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from the big firefighter sitting on the other side of his desk. “Are you going to say something or not?” “Thought you wanted me to keep my mouth shut,” Ben pettily responded. The older man took a deep, cleansing breath and tried to hold onto his patience. “I’ve watched you do one stupid thing after another for the last two months. Today was the last straw, Ben. I won’t have any more of your careless behavior around the station or the other guys. Especially not the new ones who look up to you because you’re a Murphy, from a long line of Autumn Fall’s best firefighters. The rookies see what you’re doing and they think that’s how you got to be the most decorated man in the department. By taking insane chances, unnecessary risks, and blowing off department procedure. And I won’t have it any more. If you don’t get yourself killed, it’ll be one of the other firefighters. I’m sorry, you’ve left me no choice. I thought you’d come to your senses, but seeing your dad and brother die so close to one another has been too much. You never took more than a couple of days to see them both buried before showing right back up at work again. I tried to talk to you. But you didn’t want to listen. I’ve tried to get you to take more time off and you ignored the suggestion. You won’t talk to any of the shrinks I’ve recommended and you’re wired to get yourself hurt.” He stood up and held out his hand, palm up. Ben’s entire body stiffened. This was the part where he was going to be asked to hand in his badge and leave. But the captain hadn’t even written him up as yet. There had only been a long series of verbal warnings issued. No one at headquarters would let the captain fire him without being written up. That was policy. He stood up and prepared to verbally fight for the only job in the world he’d ever known and loved. “Give me your apartment key, Ben.” For a moment, Ben stood there and stared. “My what?” “Give me your apartment key. Right now,” the captain tersely commanded. At a total loss for words, Ben obediently dug into his uniform trousers and pulled out his personal keys. He fumbled with the entire bunch to unhook the one the captain wanted. It was only half an hour before he got off duty, and he had intended to drive right home after the captain was through with him. Otherwise, his apartment keys would have been in his locker with his other belongings. He couldn’t imagine why any supervisor would want a subordinate’s apartment key? Ben was completely flummoxed. The captain walked to his office door, swung it open and got the attention of the first man he saw. “Steve, take this key across the street to the pharmacy and have a copy made, will you?” He dug into his pants pocket and handed the man a few dollars along with Ben’s key. Then he returned to his place behind the large desk again. 7

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“I’ve looked into your personnel file, Ben. You’ve got about eighty vacation days coming. You haven’t taken a single day off since you joined over ten years ago. I almost have to chase you out of here on your off time.” He blew out a long breath before continuing. “Whether you like it or not, you’re about to take some time off to get yourself straightened out. I’m having the copy of your key made so I can go by your apartment at random intervals and make sure you aren’t there. Every piece of firefighting memorabilia your dad, and your granddad ever owned or won is up on your walls. The place is filled with everything that reminds you of the profession. Your apartment looks like a damned museum. And I want you out of that dive and someplace where all that stuff isn’t in your face night and day. Someplace where you can reflect on what’s happened and get your head on straight. And don’t try to tell me you’ve redecorated. I’ve been over to your place often enough to know you wouldn’t ever get rid of all that equipment. I was there just after your father’s and Chris’ funerals.” “What...where...if I’m not at my place, where the hell am I supposed to live, Cap?” The captain threw down that afternoon’s newspaper on the desk. “Read.” Ben pulled the paper toward him and saw that an ad had been circled in an appropriate fire engine, reflective red. The advertisement simply read, Roomy Victorian home, enchanting garden view, mature trees and small fish pond. Long or short-term leases negotiable, all utilities paid. Located in Forest Glen with easy access to shopping. Contact Spechtor Realty, 333-1313, for more information. “I want you to pack what you can carry tonight. I’ll go with you to make sure you don’t take anything that isn’t necessary,” the captain advised. “Cap, you can’t do this. I...” The supervisor held up one hand to shut him up again. “It’s already done, Ben. I took out a lease on the place for you. Everything is signed, sealed, and delivered. I’ve even written the directions down so you can drive over and move in. It’s the least I could do for your dad. He taught me everything I ever knew about this job. I owe him my life several times over, and I’m not letting his only remaining son kill himself. I couldn’t help Chris. But I’ll sure as hell try to help you. Whether you like it or not.” “What if I don’t agree with this? What if I show up on duty tomorrow?” Ben angrily questioned. The other man pulled out a stack of paperwork from a drawer and tossed it on the desktop “I’ve been keeping a record on every procedure you’ve broken. If you don’t agree to this, I’ll turn it all in and you can kiss your firefighting days goodbye. I’d hate to do it, Ben. But you don’t leave me much choice.” 8

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Ben leaned on the desk and glared at his captain. “This is blackmail.” He pointed at the stack of papers. “How do I know you didn’t make that stuff up?” “You don’t.” The captain slowly smiled and nodded. “As for blackmail, I’d really rather refer to it as assisting you into a needed vacation. Do this, get your life back in order and I’ll burn all this paperwork. It’s your decision, Ben. You need help. Take the hint.” Hint? It was an outright threat and he didn’t like it . His ten-year career was about to go down the tubes. And what was he supposed to do with himself if he wasn’t working? Fighting fires was all he knew. “This is completely outside anything the regulations say you can do to me. It’s probably a violation of all kinds of city personnel policy.” The captain waved one hand in dismissal. “Bitch, bitch, bitch. After I get the key to your apartment, I’d better not find you there. Not until you can convince me you’ve got a handle on your behavior. So you may as well get used to this idea, Ben.” He crossed his arms over his chest and glared at the man in front of him. “Look on the bright side, you’ll have that great big Victorian house all to yourself. You can make new friends, watch television and sleep, or take up a hobby. I don’t give a rat’s butt what you do, but you’d better not be within ten miles of this or any other station. I’ll know about it if you are.” “Son-of-a-bitch!” Ben rudely muttered. The captain glared at him. “I don’t think I caught that.” “I said...Victorian houses suit me just fine, Captain!” The captain nodded, sat back down and shoved the faked paperwork back into his desk drawer. *** “Is this supposed to be an enchanting garden? Guess Cap didn’t actually get a look at it. Then again, maybe he did.” Ben was quite alone. There was no one to hear his softly muttered comments, but it made him feel better to hear his own voice. The large, white Victorian house was absolutely creepy. It looked like one of those mansions out of an old horror flick. Windows from the upstairs rooms stared down like all-knowing eyes. Watching and waiting for him. The place might not have been so forbidding if the weeds weren’t as tall as the porch. But that’s the way things were, and it was his new home until he could get his captain to listen to reason. He sighed and tried to give the house another once over, just to change his opinion. But it didn’t work. When he had driven up the long drive and seen the huge trees, he felt a number of misgivings about his surroundings. Now, those small fears turned into an uncomfortable dread. This was the way his 9

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supervisor was venting his rage. “God, you’d have though I got caught sleeping with his daughter.” Ben shook his head and grabbed the last of his free weights from the bed of his pickup. His workout equipment was almost the only personal thing the captain had let him bring other than his clothing and bathroom gear. He found himself hoping he hadn’t forgotten anything, but it was too late to go back if he had. When he’d driven away from his apartment, the captain had given another exceedingly austere warning not to come back or he’d be very sorry. “Gotta be laws against this crap,” he bitterly complained. But he made his way up the porch steps, lugging his dumbbells. The room off the front parlor area would make as good a workout area as any. And using it for that reason would keep him from having to haul all that heavy equipment up the long flight of stairs. Ben let out a frustrated sigh and gazed at his surroundings once more. The inside of his new abode was just as Victorian as the outside. The massive interior was filled with antiques, overstuffed chairs, and nicknacks from some long gone era. He pointed toward the living room. “I’ll bet Mrs. Peach did it in the parlor with a hammer.” The reference to an old board game he and Chris used to play together was supposed to have been funny, but it didn’t make him smile. He doubted anything ever would again. “May as well get something to eat.” He’d never talked so much to himself in his entire life. That wasn’t a good sign, but this was as alone as he’d ever been in his thirtytwo years. He walked toward the back of the house and finally found the kitchen. It was surprisingly spacious and modern. Luckily, when he opened the refrigerator there was a new carton of milk, some fresh eggs, bacon and a loaf of bread inside. “Thanks, Cap. Don’t suppose you could have thrown a steak or two in the freezer, huh?” When he opened the compartment over the fridge, it was empty except for an icemaker full of cubes. Ben slammed the door and stared at it for a moment. Then he dejectedly walked to an enormous oak table sat down and placed his forearms on its surface. “What the hell am I supposed to do with myself in this place?” He paused and listened to a weird autumn breeze blow around that side of the house. He could see the trees moving outside the kitchen bay window and never felt so utterly alone. Tears came to his eyes and he clenched his fists in a vain attempt to fight them off. He hadn’t cried when his father and brother died, he certainly wasn’t going to start feeling sorry for himself and do so now. He quickly stood up and knocked the chair to the floor with the violence of his movement. Just because he had to sleep in the old place didn’t mean he had to spend every waking moment there. 10

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Ben headed for the front of the house grabbing his leather jacket and truck keys as he did so. Without using the large skeleton key to lock the main door, he slammed it behind him and decided to go find something more useful to do with his time than stare at the papered walls of the huge antique he now called home. Two hours later, he pulled back up the long wooded drive armed with a bag of hamburgers and a very large bottle of Irish whiskey. “I have to be here but I don’t have to like it,” he angrily declared as he bolted up the porch stairs and into the old relic of a mansion. Only an hour after that, he lay on a large four-poster bed in what he perceived was the master bedroom and tried to focus. By now, his whiskey driven brain wouldn’t do as he bid so Ben just lay there and sank into a deep, drunken oblivion. *** The brisk autumn wind blew around the house stirring leaves and whirling them about the drive in colorful, circular patterns. An old gas lamp at the bottom of the front steps couldn’t compete with the glow from above. Clouds hovered around a full, glowing moon. It was midnight. The grandfather clock at the foot of the stairs chimed the hour. “Ben, wake up.” Ben rolled over, reached for a large, down pillow and pulled it beneath his head. “Ben!” “Dammit, Chris, it’s not time to get up. Our shift doesn’t start until morning.” “We’re not at the station, Ben. You’re not on duty. Wake up and look around.” Slowly, Ben opened his eyes and stared into the darkness. His head was reeling. But even in his half-drunken stupor, he could tell he wasn’t anyplace he’d ever been before. He quickly sat up and peered into the darkness. “Where the hell am I?” The wind whistled around the house and turned into an eerie moan. “It’s okay, Ben. You’re not alone. I’m here.” Every nerve in every part of his body came alive. Goose bumps rose on Ben’s flesh and he sat absolutely still. There was no sound except the ticking of the grandfather clock downstairs and the wind rolling around the back of the house. He was dreaming. That was it. And he was letting his imagination get the better of him, but who wouldn’t? He was sleeping in a house that could rival any of those in the old vampire flicks he and Chris used to watch when they were off duty. “That’s what I get for drinking too much. Or what I get for not drinking enough,” Ben wrongly reasoned. There was no response to his voice, but why would there be? There wasn’t anybody there but him. Or...there had better not be. 11

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Ben swallowed hard and tried to remember if there was a lamp beside the bed. All bedrooms had lamps, didn’t they? He quickly fumbled toward a nearby table, found the crystal bottom of a heavy lamp, then pulled the old-fashioned chain that turned it on. He closed his eyes when the subdued light glared in his unready pupils. He looked around the room and saw nothing but old furniture, old wallpaper and his own clothing hanging in the open closet. Feeling very cowardly, he got up and closed the closet door after peeking inside. He stared at the old oak wood on the door for a moment before turning around. The rest of the room was still as empty as the closet. “Oh yeah...fight fires for a living and won’t sleep with the closet door open. Real brave, Ben. Real brave.” He pushed his hands through his hair then stumbled back toward the bed again. What would the guys at the station say if they could see him? Angry with himself and about his forced confinement within the walls of the old house, Ben turned out the light, pulled the pillow toward him and closed his eyes again. He was just about to drift off once more when a soft voice entered his consciousness. “Cap is only trying to help.” Ben shot out of the bed and almost toppled the table over in his manic attempt to get the light on. “Alright, who the hell is in here?” He stood panting and turned his head in every direction. He ran into the master bathroom, turned on the light in there as well. But there was no sign of anyone or any transmitting device that could have been planted within the room. It occurred to him that the guys at the station might be playing a joke, and he absently wondered if he’d remembered to lock the main doors downstairs. If this was someone’s idea of a gag, he shouldn’t have made it easy for them. Taking a deep breath to calm himself, he went into the hall and turned on the lights all the way down to the front entrance. When his shaking hand touched the glass doorknob and it opened, Ben’s heart almost stopped. Anybody could have walked right in on him, and he hadn’t even taken the time to locate a phone. There wasn’t one in the bedroom. After his cursory inspection for any radio equipment, he was certain of that. He grabbed up his jacket and searched the pockets until he found the key. Before locking the door, however, Ben wanted to look over the entire house. Maybe he’d been dreaming, but it wouldn’t hurt to give the place a more thorough search and find a phone while he did it. Of course, he could defend himself. He was a very large man, just like all the Murphy clan. That’s what he kept thinking to himself as he made his way from room to room, checking doors and windows as he went. By now, he was convinced he really hadn’t heard anything. He’d been asleep, after all. By the time he made his way around the place and headed back to the front door, Ben knew he wouldn’t get any sleep. He felt very stupid for letting the house get the 12

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better of him. He’d been in situations much more frightening and real. Still, he decided not to get in bed again and changed into his jogging gear instead. “Whoever heard of going out in the middle of the night to jog,” he grumbled, but it was a better way to deal with his anxiety than letting his imagination get the better of him. He headed out the front door, making sure to lock it behind him this time. And into the night he ran. From the upstairs bedroom window, a hovering figure watched. The vision sadly shook its head and turned away, resolved to try again. It would keep trying until Ben acknowledged its presence. Ben ran like he never had. Mile after mile. And when the sun finally came up, he wearily walked back up the long drive and into the weedy yard. For the first time, he noticed an old picket fence surrounded the place, but the weeds and overgrown rose bushes almost hid its existence from view. It looked as if an old gate might have hung where the sidewalk snaked up to the front steps. Still, none of that really mattered to him. Let the owner take care of it. All he wanted was to get some breakfast and make up for the sleep he’d lost the previous night. Anger now sharpened his attitude and pushed out any fear. He felt all kinds of a fool for behaving so idiotically. It was far more dangerous to jog around in an unknown neighborhood at ungodly hours than to have gone back upstairs to bed. “I hope you’re happy, Cap,” he furiously complained. *** When Ben awoke that afternoon, he went to the kitchen to fix himself something to eat. In the middle of perusing the meager contents of his food supply, the telephone rang. “Hey, just calling to check up on you.” When he heard his captain’s voice, Ben almost let his mouth override his brain, but stuffed down the desire to tell his supervisor just where he could put his good intentions. “I’m fine. But if you had to do this to me, couldn’t you have found someplace a little smaller? I mean, this house could hold every firefighter in the entire district.” “It came cheap and was immediately available,” the supervisor explained. “And it’s completely different from anything you’re used to, I’m sure. That’s exactly what I wanted. A total change of scenery.” “Don’t suppose you told any of the guys where I was?” Ben asked and looked over the package of bacon he’d just withdrawn from the refrigerator.

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“No, Ben. This is between you and me. You know I don’t talk about any disciplinary action with the others at the station. Not only is it against regulations but it isn’t good supervision.” “So this is going on my record after all?” Ben put the bacon down and knew his chances of being promoted were shot to hell if that was the case. “Not yet. So long as you stay there and do something about getting your life in order. I don’t want a repeat of the crazy stunts you’ve been pulling when you come back. All the guys on your shift think that you’ve taken a long vacation. I just said you’d come back when you’re ready. Nothing else. Most of ‘em think it’s about time you took a break. You lost your father and brother within a year of one another. Everyone you work with understands.” Ben took a deep breath and closed his eyes. That basically translated into everybody feels sorry for you. “Is that all, Cap?” “Yeah, I guess. Let me know if there’s anything you need.” “Will do,” Ben replied. He quickly ended the conversation with a brief farewell and hung up the phone. So much for finding someplace else to stay. If he didn’t know when the captain would call or come by, his permanently leaving this tomb in which he found himself, might be deemed insubordination. And that might just get him kicked out of the department for good. He hated where he was, but how could he explain his irrational fear about the cavernous old museum to his supervisor? The man would really think he was losing it altogether. If Cap found out he was actually scared of a building, the next person he’d be talking to would be the department psychologist. And if he couldn’t talk to Cap, how in the world could he explain his fears to a shrink? Like moving out of his current home, that inability to explain his anxiety on command would very probably lead to his dismissal. Hell, he couldn’t even rationalize his angst to himself, let alone some headcrawling mind doctor. “That’s just perfect. I’m really screwed,” Ben proclaimed. “This place both sucks and blows!” His appetite gone, Ben walked to the front of the house where his workout gear and weights were lying in disarray. “May as well do something useful.” He proceeded to clear a workout area for himself and lift enough weight to tire himself again. What was he supposed to do to get his life back in order? What did that mean? Ben knew he’d done some reckless things while on duty the last few weeks, and the captain had certainly chewed some fat over it. But nothing warranted this isolation. It was as though he’d lost the last person to whom he could turn. 14

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It hurt to think his supervisor, a man who had also been his friend up until now, would treat him like a rank rookie. He kept lifting weights and finally shut his mind off from everything but the physical exertion. *** The clock struck midnight again. Ben lay on the big bed after having drunk a lot more whiskey and eaten almost nothing all day. That coupled with how hard he’d worked out left him very woozy. He shut his eyes and prepared to let the booze take him into a land where there were no dreams or worries. “Ben?” He turned over and buried his head in the bedspread. If there really was a voice, it was only his drunken brain conjuring it. That was the only explanation for the sound. “You’ve gotta stop this or you’re gonna end up dead.” Ben sat up so fast his head reeled with the motion. “Wh-who’s there?” “It’s me...Chris.” Ben’s lower lip began to tremble and his eyes filled with tears. This was some kind of cruel joke someone was playing. For the life of him, he couldn’t think of a single soul who would do such a thing. But it wasn’t remotely comical. “Alright, who the hell are you?” “I told you. It’s me,” came the soft reply. Ben’s shoulders shook as tears streamed down his face. “My brother is dead. Whoever you are, this isn’t fuckin’ funny.” Emotion overcame him, he bowed his head and put his hands over his face. Only the most inhumane person on Earth would do this. But he was sure by now that it wasn’t the whiskey causing this auditory illusion. “Don’t do this to yourself, Ben. I’m not here to hurt you.” He looked around the darkened room, sobbing. “C-Chris? I’m going crazy, aren’t I?” “No, you’re not any crazier than you ever were,” the voice gently joked. “Don’t be afraid.” With light from the moon streaming through the windows, Ben saw movement from the darkest corner of the room. A figure glided forward. He panicked and scrambled to the other side of the bed. In his haste, he ran into a large chair and both he and the furniture tumbled to the floor. His head hit the carpet with a loud thud and Ben only caught a glimpse of someone bending over him before he lost consciousness. Morning light streamed through the windows and there was a bitter chill in the room. Ben put his hand to his head and slowly gazed around him. This nightmare was still fresh in his mind. But he convinced himself that was all, the entire incident amounted 15

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to. One really bad dream probably egged on by a very guilty conscience, and way too much alcohol. He struggled to his feet and set the big, overstuffed chair back in its proper place. Fighting off a pounding headache and waves of nausea, he made his way to the bathroom and a hot shower. After finishing that chore, he walked back into the room and dug out a fresh sweat suit. But he felt only moderately better. Putting one foot up on the chair to tie his shoes, an eerie feeling came over him. It was as if he was being watched. The hair on the back of his neck stood up and he slowly turned around. “You’re a hard man to get to, you know that? Ben backed slowly up until he found himself against the inside of the closed bedroom door. Every nerve in his body told him to run, but no mental process allowing him to do so made connection with his limbs. “No,” he murmured and shook his head in complete denial. He broke into a cold sweat and began to violently shake. “Dammit, Ben! Get a grip, will you?” Sitting on the wide windowsill, on the other side of the room, was a very dead Chris Murphy. At least, he should be dead. Ben watched him die and watched him being buried right next to their father. But his brother sat there real as anything. In fact, he had his duty uniform on and was smiling like he always had. He wasn’t burned up or pale. Nothing like he imagined a ghost would be. Ben sank to the floor. “Go away,” he whispered. “In the name of God, go away.” “Can’t, big brother. You’re headed for a very early grave unless you listen to me. That’s why I’m here. Why I’ve come back. And you’re going to start listening to me right now.” Ben watched as the horrifying apparition of his dead brother glided away from the window, and there wasn’t a single damned thing he could do to protect himself. He couldn’t even move. He simply watched in horror as the opaque Chris moved closer and closer.

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CHAPTER TWO

“P-Please, whatever I’ve done, I’m sorry. Leave me alone,” Ben begged. Chris stopped a few feet from Ben and slowly shook his head. “Can’t do that. You’ve become your own worst enemy, and I’m here to tell you that you won’t live out the year unless something changes, Ben. The captain only sent you here because he wants to help you. And that’s all I want. I would’ve never hurt you in life. Why would you think I’d do so now?” “What do you want from me?” “Just listen. That’s all.” Ben tried to pick himself up off the floor but just couldn’t seem to move. Nothing in his life had ever frightened him so much. “This is happening because of what I did, isn’t it? I let you die and this is payback. Is that it?” Chris tilted his head in confusion. “What the hell are you talking about?” “I let you die.” Ben lowered his head and finally gave in to the inevitability of his fate. “That’s a load of crap!” “That’s why you’re here,” Ben sadly related as he brought his head up and gazed at his brother through a haze of tears. “But it’s okay. I’m good with it. You do what you have to, Chris. I’m ready.” Chris stared and didn’t speak for a moment. “That whiskey is eating your brain.” “You’re here to punish me. To get even with me for what happened at the fire.” Ben’s voice was so low and full of dead solemnity that Chris was sure his older brother might do something very stupid if he couldn’t be reached. “Now you listen to me, butt head! What happened at the warehouse wasn’t your fault. I don’t know where you got that idea, but you can just get rid of it right now. I’m here because you’re doing stupid things on duty. I didn’t know why...until now. But it’s becoming clear.” “I miss you, Chris.” The soft, heartfelt words took Chris aback for a moment. “I miss you, too.” He knelt down in front of Ben and shook his head. “But contrary to what you might think, I 17

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am not here to get even or to hurt you. All I’m trying to do is help. You’re the last of us. And you aren’t meant to die young.” Though tears still fogged his vision, Ben smiled and slowly lifted his hand. He reached toward Chris but his touch made contact with nothing but air. His fingers slipped right through the apparition before him. “You can’t be Chris. He was always joking about me being an old man.” Chris smiled back at his sibling. “Yeah, well thirty-two isn’t really that old. And I only said that because you were always calling me kid.” “That’s because twenty-one is pretty young. And you are a...were a kid,” he sadly finished. “Ben, why don’t you get up and fix yourself something to eat. I’ll come to the kitchen and we can talk down there. Okay?” “Sure. Whatever you want,” Ben woodenly responded. His mind was gone, so what the hell. Chris moved back and waited for Ben to stand up, open the door and leave the bedroom. His older brother’s quiet acquiescence wasn’t reassuring. In fact, it was alarming Chris no end. Ben really believed he was responsible for his death and that idea had to be quelled. That was the reason he’d been drawn to this house. He now understood everything. And Ben had to as well. *** Kate Donahue got out of her van and glanced at the sad state of the yard. How anyone could let such a beautiful garden go to ruin was unconscionable. After asking a few questions of the neighbors, the place was definitely occupied. They’d barely seen a man coming and going from the weed encroached yard, but he was certainly in residence. Why the new occupant couldn’t at least mow the grass was beyond lazy and civilly reprehensible. Looking at the height of the grass, the place could only be harboring rats and other vermin. Trying to get a hold of her temper, Kate marched up the porch steps and knocked on the door. Ben was at the bottom of the stairs when he heard the knock. His mind was in such a state of shock that he couldn’t link the sound with the accompanying action of physically opening the old oak door. “Why are you just standing there? Answer the door,” Chris commanded. Ben just silently stood with his hand on the carved newel post at the bottom of the stairs. “Ben, are you okay?” 18

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“Sure. Fine. Okay. Never better,” he mechanically murmured, then continued to ignore the knocking and walked toward the kitchen. Chris listened to the pounding on the door, as it got louder, shook his head then floated after Ben. “Hello?” Kate called out. “Look, if someone is there, I need to speak with you. I’m from a community action group and I want to talk with you about the state of your property.” She waited but there was still no response. “Look, I can see the truck parked out here. I know you’re in there. Will you please answer the door?” In the kitchen, Ben sat at the large oak table and stared into space. Chris drifted into the room after him only because he wanted to watch every single move Ben made. It would have been just as easy to materialize in the kitchen right as his older brother got there, but he was in such a deep state of shock that Chris feared for him. “Ben, why don’t you go to the door? There’s someone there. Can’t you hear her?” Ben slowly turned his head in the direction of his brother’s voice but never made eye contact. “Door? Oh yeah, I can hear it. I’ll get it.” But he just sat there, unable to mentally cope as yet with his brother’s reappearance into the world of the living. Chris noted that the pounding on the door had stopped and he heard a car drive away a few moments later. He couldn’t answer the door himself. It wouldn’t do for his opaque form to appear before some hapless neighbor who would run away and tell everyone what she’d seen. Besides, the woman certainly wasn’t looking for him. She was clearly looking for the current living resident. And that was Ben. Chris moved across the floor to stand beside his brother. “Ben, you’ve got to get a grip. This is okay, really it is. I’m not haunting you because of something you did or didn’t do. In fact, I’m not really haunting you at all. At least, not in the purest sense of the word.” “Why are you here, then?” Well that was a bit better. Ben wasn’t quite coherent and wouldn’t look at him, but he was asking a question. As long as he’d do that, they were in business. “Listen to me...I want you to listen very clearly. Okay?” “Sure. I’m listening,” Ben responded in a vague tone of voice. “You’ve been pulling some very dangerous stunts on duty, haven’t you? Things like not waiting for backup and ignoring commands from the captain. You’ve been running into buildings without assessing the conditions and you often leave any partners behind.” Chris floated in front of Ben so his brother would be forced to look at him. “Have you been doing this stuff because of what happened on the day I was killed?” He 19

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hated to ask so bluntly, but he needed an immediate answer and hoped to shock his older brother into giving one. Ben finally looked at the figure before him and raised his gaze to meet Chris’. “II’m losing my edge, Chris. I think I might even be afraid to go inside anymore.” “Inside buildings where there’s a fire?” he tried to clarify. Ben simply nodded. “So you’ve been pushing things to make yourself do more? Is that it? You’re trying to face down your fear?” Ben looked down at his clasped hands. “I thought if I did, it would go away. But I’ve been scared to death since you died. You shouldn’t have fallen. I should have.” Now, they were getting somewhere. “Ben, it wasn’t your fault.” He waited to see if Ben would respond but he didn’t. He just kept staring at his hands where they lay on the tabletop. “Do you want to be separated from me and all the rest of the family forever?” he softly asked. Ben blinked, shook his head and tried to grasp the gist of the question. “What do you mean?” “I’ll say it again. What happened to me didn’t have anything to do with you. It was the same as what happened to Dad. The two of us got caught in fires and couldn’t get out. We didn’t plan it. You, on the other hand, are doing crazy things deliberately. And if you keep it up, you’ll die. But you won’t be with the rest of the family when you go, Ben. You’ll be someplace entirely different and it won’t be very cool there if you get my drift...and I think you do.” Finally, Ben pulled himself out of his near mental collapse and stared at Chris. “What are you telling me?” “If you commit suicide, you won’t ever see us in the afterlife. That’s the way it is. I don’t make the rules but we all have to live by them.” “I-I have no intention of committing suicide,” Ben angrily rallied. “There are lots of easier ways of doing it if that’s what I wanted.” Chris leaned forward. “If you keep pulling crap that’s unsafe, just to try to get your nerve back, that’s what it’ll amount to, Ben. You know what you’re doing is wrong. It’s being done deliberately,” he reasserted. “Oh, the other guys on the shift might think you’re one hell of a brave fool and they’ll give you a grand wake and a funeral, but your death won’t be considered an accident by the powers that be. You understand?” Ben’s mind started to catch the implication of what Chris was saying. “But what do I do? I watched you...now I can’t even stand the site of a burning building. Every time I see one I think of you and how I should have done more.” 20

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“That’s the craziest thing I’ve ever heard. You know what happened. Why are you blaming yourself?” Ben remained silent and just stared into space again. “Do you know that I’ve heard Dad, Mom and all the rest of the family?” Ben quickly looked up again. “What do you mean you heard them?” Chris took a moment to choose the right words for what he was trying to explain. Since it was no less than a miracle, it was difficult to articulate. “I hear them calling me sometimes. I can hear Uncle Paddy playing his accordion. And Aunt Francine is there baking her Irish soda bread. I can hear her singing and smell the bread in the oven. I want to be with them, Ben. And I know you do, too. Someday.” Ben swallowed hard. “W-why don’t you go to them, Chris? Why are you still here?” He slowly shook his head. “I can’t leave. You have a long life ahead of you. A life where you’ll save a lot of folks’, their homes, and businesses. But only if you change your mind about your future, and start thinking like a professional again. You can’t be afraid anymore. At least, not so afraid that you take risks to prove yourself. Because you don’t have to prove anything, Ben. Not to anybody. You’re good at what you do. Everybody’s always known that.” “So, you’re saying that you’re only here because of me?” “Yeah, that’s about the size of it.” Ben got up and looked out the kitchen windows. “Do...do you remember what happened to you?” “No, Ben. I remember going into the building. I remember following you in but that’s all. You see, all that stuff is pointless to me now. I’m not meant to remember and don’t even care. I just want to be with the folks again. With the entire family. Live your life the way it was meant to be lived and you’ll be there someday. A very long time from now. But I’m worried you’ll do something that’ll get you killed in a way that will separate us.” “Why can’t I see the others? Why only you?” “Because you’re the one who needs help now, and I’m the one who has to give it. I was the last one with you, and I’m the reason you’re acting so unbalanced. The other members of the family got to the afterlife before all this happened. They can’t come back, but I never got there.” Ben snorted. “You can go on ahead, Chris. Don’t worry about me. Go to that bright light or wherever it is ghosts drift. Cap will fire me before I get the chance to pull another crazy stunt. Don’t worry, I’m half-way to the unemployment line as it is.” 21

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Chris adamantly shook his head. “No, he’ll take you back. He wants you at the station too badly.” He lifted one hand in a supplicating gesture. “Why do you think he’s gone to such lengths to help you? He rented this place, and is giving you all kinds of chances no one else would ever get. In fact, he’ll eventually think you’re okay when you aren’t. You’ll wrongly convince him how you’ve got your act together, but only I’ll know the difference. I’m the one in a position to get you straightened out. Like I said, I’m the reason you’re acting the way you are. It’s up to me to get you to rethink your attitude. You can get over your fear when you stop blaming yourself.” He paused and thought for a moment about Ben’s predicament. “Why didn’t you go to the department shrink when Cap asked?” Ben shrugged. “I don’t like spilling my guts to a stranger. And you know what the rest of the guys might think if I end up on a shrink’s couch. They won’t want to work with me.” “The way it is now, the guys who know what they’re doing don’t want to work with you anyhow. You’re running into fires and violating all kinds of procedure, Ben. It’s not like you and they know it.” “How the hell do you know so much about what’s been happening? Have you been floating around spying?” Ben angrily asked. Chris tried to control his amusement at his brother’s anger, especially in the face of his ghostly appearance. He was finally getting to Ben. “Let’s just say I’ve been around. I tried to get your attention a couple of times at the station but you wouldn’t notice. Then, when Cap rented this place, it was as easy as walking through a door. Something about this house acts sort of like a conduit. I think you were meant to be here, Ben. And I was meant to find you here. No other place. It wasn’t a coincidence that Cap found the ad in the newspaper and took a lease on this old eyesore, believe me. Somebody wants you to go on and live a normal, healthy and productive life. A life as a firefighter. And I’m all for it.” Ben turned to face the apparition of his dead brother. “That would all be well and good. Except you’re not even really here, are you?” “What?” Chris shifted forward. His hopes of getting through to Ben took a nosedive. “You see me. You hear my voice.” “I see the vision of my dead kid brother. He’s even wearing the uniform I buried him in. But you’re only a figment of my imagination, because I’m finally losing it. And if that’s the case, I won’t ever be a fireman again. And if I can’t do that...” Chris didn’t like the way Ben’s voice kind of trailed off. “What are you thinking, Ben?” 22

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“Just trying to imagine what else I could do with my life.” Chris shook his head in frustration. “You were meant to save others. To help others. Tell me why you think my death is your fault. If we can work through that, then you can get over your problems. I promise.” Ben ignored the request, walked out of the room and headed back upstairs. Chris followed. “Where are you going? Why won’t you talk to me?” “I’m going out to get something to eat. The rest of the day is pretty open, but I’ll check my social calendar and see if I can fit you in somewhere. Have your people call mine.” Ben slammed the bedroom door and vowed to ignore the apparition. He truly did believe it was only a manifestation of his own guilt. There was nothing really there at all. And thinking that way dispelled his fear of the ghost altogether. *** It was late in the afternoon when Ben got back. He had eaten breakfast, sat through three matinees and gone to lunch. Now, he wanted to run, lift some weights then top the rest of the evening off with some more whiskey. It was an easy schedule to keep, and he wouldn’t be frightened anymore by the house or anything in it. When he got to the front door, there was a white note taped at eye level. Thinking Cap had stopped by, Ben quickly pulled it off, opened it and shook his head in amusement. It read, “Dear Sir, I’ve checked with your neighbors and know you stay home quite a lot. That being the case, could we make an appointment to talk? I’d like to speak with you about the condition of your property. Please call ASAP, K. Donahue...” Ben noted a number scrawled at the bottom of the paper but ignored it. He quickly wadded the message into a tiny ball and stuffed it into his jacket pocket. It could go straight in the kitchen trash later. “Of all the idiotic...Like I don’t have anything better to think about,” he sarcastically uttered. Two hours later, it was almost dark. The fall twilight wrapped a kind of eerie glow around the old home he considered a sort of prison, but he was no longer afraid of anything his mind could conjure. He had worked out physically hard and found himself in a total state of weary resignation. Chris, or his memory of him, hadn’t made a reappearance again. Ben was half-way through his third glass of whiskey when a determined knocking finally pulled him to the front of the house. Whoever was there just wasn’t going away. When he pulled open the door, Ben actually believed he was now seeing angels along with his dead brother. The girl standing there was tall, trim, and had a wealth of long reddish brown hair. In the evening light, the setting sun seemed to catch strands of it, making them look as if they were on fire. Her deep azure eyes were the color of 23

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gemstones and sparkled with the fire of the stars. With all that glorious imagery, it was still her face that caught his complete attention. Never in his life had Ben seen a woman so beautiful. She could have been a goddess standing there with her high cheekbones, straight yet turned up nose and full mouth. The girl’s creamy skin almost glowed in the evening light. He couldn’t do much more than stare for a moment or two. She seemed equally impressed enough to stare back. “Wh-who are you?” he finally broke the silence. “I’m Kate Donahue. Didn’t you get my note?” “Note?” “The one I left on the front door earlier today. I’ve come to talk to you about your yard.” She had the voice, body, and face of an angel. Ben firmly decided that’s what she had to be. “Oh, that. Uh, won’t you come in Miss...” “Donahue,” she repeated. And she might have taken him up on the offer if only to see the inside of the beautiful old house. Kate had always had a nosey streak. But there was a faint smell of whiskey about the huge man. Because of it, she balked at the idea of going into the house without someone else being present. He stood at least six inches over six feet tall, unshaven with medium brown hair. But his face was so striking, he could have graced the cover of any men’s fashion magazine. His jaw was square, features very even. But he had the most lovely light brown eyes she’d ever seen. They were almost sherry colored. Judging from what she could see of his physique, it looked as if the man worked out enough to keep his body picture ready as well. The sweat suit he wore and the telltale perspiration stains on it let her know what he’d been doing. That and drinking. “Thanks for inviting me in, but I won’t be long. I just wanted to speak with you about your yard.” Ben turned on the porch light and walked out so he could see her better. Even the whiskey he’d drunk couldn’t dim the perfect vision in front of him. “I’m Ben Murphy.” He offered her his hand. And when she shook it in greeting, Ben could feel something heat within him. It was kind of like that wonderful reaction he got when he and Chris had gone camping as kids and made S’mores. The sensation was a deeply satisfying kind of warmth. Rich and inviting. All brought on by one simple touch. Kate tilted her head and looked at him better. In the light, he looked familiar. And his name somehow seem just as familiar as his face. “Have we ever met before?’ “No. I’d sure as hell would have remembered,” he quietly responded. Kate tried not to smile at the open compliment and the way he was staring. She wanted to stare too, but her purpose was business. “Um, I came over to see if you might 24

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not let me and some of the workers from the Beautification and Urban Transformation Team work on your yard. You see...” “The what?” he interrupted. “The Beautification and Urban Transformation Team. It’s a group dedicated to keeping this area environmentally sound and aesthetically pleasing all at the same time.” Ben tried not to smile but he couldn’t help it. “You work for a group whose initials spell BUTT?” Kate frowned. While the initials of the group might be cause for amusement, her purpose definitely wasn’t. “I was about to tell you about the organization. May I proceed?” “Please do,” Ben encouraged and leaned one shoulder against the doorframe so he could relax and look her over. “BUTT, as you refer to it, is an organization put together by local business people. It’s purpose is to help get troubled kids off the street and teach them usable skills. I’m one of the adult team leaders. What I do is teach at-risk kids to operate landscaping equipment and instruct them in the fundamentals of landscape design and care. They not only learn a trade, but earn some money at the same time. The money they earn goes into a special account that can only be used for education. Not drugs, partying, or...booze.” She looked him up and down and hoped the last word sunk in. “Ah ha! And how much does this cost, Ms. Donahue? There’s got to be a price attached. Always is.” “We generally charge by the hour, the same as any yard crew would. But if the homeowners can’t pay, we’ll take trade in volunteer time. The business owners who help fund us are very much in favor of this entire program. But we can’t and don’t expect them to give us handouts forever. And the homeowners we help shouldn’t expect our work for free, either.” “I see.” Ben put one hand to his face and pretended to rub his chin thoughtfully. “And how did this particular residence come to your attention?” “We got complaints from neighbors. A few of them see all the overgrowth as a harbor for those who might want to hide in it, then break into residences and cause trouble. Like gang bangers and drug addicts.” She waited for his response but got none. “As I came up the drive, I noticed the vegetation is so high that the front of the house really can’t be seen clearly. While that might not be a problem for you, it bothers the local Crime Watch group. Besides all that, there’s trash caught in the grass along the drive and the street, and parents in the neighborhood have a point about general security 25

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being diminished. Property that looks unoccupied sometimes invites the wrong element, and there is a school down the street, you know.” But the old house was quite visible enough for somebody to know it was occupied and for a damned complaint to be lodged, Ben silently reasoned. The frickin’, nosey neighbors were more likely to be worried over the diminished value of their property because this piece of land wasn’t as tidy as they’d like. Kate continued. “Besides all that and more to the point, there’ve been reports of vermin invading some of the other resident’s lawns. They think the problem is originating with your yard. Looking it over more closely, I can see where they might come to that conclusion.” Just to rile her, Ben looked around his yard in mock surprise. “Why...I think it has a kind of homey ambience. Don’t you?” She noted his sarcasm and wasn’t a bit amused. “Okay, Mr. Murphy. Now you’re making fun of me and I don’t like it. I have a lot of friends at the mayor’s office who wouldn’t hesitate to call some more friends of mine at the litter patrol office. And all of us together could make sure a very heavy fine is levied for not keeping your yard in compliance with certain city codes. You follow?” Ben had just been joking about the homey comment. Now, however, he was angry. Within a very short time, it seemed he was being blackmailed again. But the prim little Miss in front of him wasn’t going to get away with it like his captain had. “I’m beginning to see how this whole little operation works. You contact homeowners and try to get them to let you work on their lawns for a price. Whatever that price might be, they have to agree or get a bunch of citations levied against them. Is that it?” Kate gasped. Never, in the four years she’d been working with the group, had such an allegation ever been made. Everyone usually agreed because her kids did an outstanding job, the community looked better and the youngsters were kept off the streets and out of trouble. “Look...I don’t have to stand here and listen to that kind of accusation. I came here, in good faith, to see if you’d let us work on your lawn. If you can’t pay for it, you can volunteer to work with the group for a while. Everyone who’s ever done so has ended up staying as a permanent volunteer. That’s how much they like what we do and what we stand for. And they like helping the kids. Our fees are the same as any landscaping company would get.” She moved closer to him, refusing to let his size or sarcastic demeanor frighten her off. “And I’ll reiterate, just in case you didn’t hear. There’s a pre-school right down the street. Little kids play on a playground everyday. The school’s head instructor seems to think rats they’ve been seeing are coming from this mess you call a yard.” She waved a hand to encompass the area surrounding his home. “If 26

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one of those children gets bitten, you could be held responsible. Your driveway is lined with used condoms from people using it as a lover’s lane. That makes the state of your property a health issue. The weeds are so tall, you can hardly see the fence and there might be some poison oak or poison ivy growing on the property. That’s another health issue. So you can either agree to clean your yard, by whatever method you choose, or talk to the judge when I file a complaint. Now...which is it?” That did it. Ben wasn’t being threatened by anyone again. He’d had to take it from his captain to keep his job, but that was where the line had been drawn. He had a little pride left. “I can appreciate that you might be trying to help, Ms. Donahue. But I don’t own this property, it’s rented. It was like this when I moved in a couple of days ago. That being the case, I don’t see the mess as my responsibility. I’m not even sure if the owners want it cleaned up, or if I have the right to authorize such a thing. You can get in touch with the people who own the property by contacting Spechtor Realty. Go jump down their throats if you want to, but don’t come back here again. I’m not gonna be bamboozled. Not by you or anybody. And frankly, lady, I’ve got more important things to worry about than the weeds in the garden. I had one nerve left and you just shredded it.” He pointed toward the road. “There’s the driveway, don’t make a wrong turn on your way outta here.” He quickly walked back into the house and slammed the huge oak door behind him. Kate stood there, wide-eyed and flustered. She’d never had this kind of trouble with anyone before. Okay, maybe she had come off a little high-and-mighty. But the yard was the worst she’d ever seen. And the service BUTT offered was free for those who volunteered their time to help the kids for a short while. Why would anyone not take advantage of it? She put her hands on her hips, stared at the closed door for a moment then stormed down the porch steps. “Okay, Murphy! You win this time, but you haven’t seen the last of me,” she angrily promised. “A Donahue never lived who gave up.” *** After taking a long hot shower, Ben wrapped a towel around his waist and headed downstairs for a bite. He was slapping the contents of a sandwich together when the voice returned. “You’re an idiot!” Ben rounded on the speaker. The Chris apparition was floating on the other side of the room, shaking its head, with its hands on its hips. “I can see I’m going to need a lot more whiskey.” Chris shook his head in disbelief. “Why would you let a total babe like that walk away? Are you out of your skull?” 27

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“Yes. Exactly. Now you’re beginning to understand,” Ben sarcastically agreed. “Ben, a beautiful girl like that only comes along once in a man’s life. And you just turned her off like a bad habit. What’s wrong with you?” “I’m not having a conversation with a man who isn’t there. I’m not listening.” He continued to haphazardly throw the contents of his sandwich together, unwilling to let his imagination frighten him into altering his actions. “I wish I had a foot that could make contact with your ass. I’d kick it good and hard,” Chris angrily threatened. “I’m not listening. I’m not listening,” Ben sang the mantra to himself. Chris tried a tactic he knew would get his older brother’s attention. “Maybe what the guys said about you in the locker room is true? The brother is always the last to know,” he whimsically confirmed, while shaking his head in a doubting fashion. Ben stopped humming and looked at the apparition. “Just what did the guys in the locker room say?” “Well, some of them believe you’re kind of old not to have a wife. You know, I joked about you being an old man though I didn’t really think so. But, as far as the guys at the station are concerned, thirty-two is getting up there, and they’ve never seen you with any women.” He kept his tone of voice deliberately supportive. “I told them I didn’t believe the gossip. I knew you said you went out on dates, but then I only met a couple of women.” He rolled his eyes in a supercilious fashion. “Sometimes a man’s family can be so close to him that they don’t see the real forest for the trees. You know?” Ben put the bread down and glared at Chris. “What do mean by that? Exactly what are you suggesting?” “Nothing. But if you’re gay, it’s okay with me. You could have said something, you know. I’m your brother and would love you anyway,” he finished, putting his hand over his heart to make his point. “I...am...not...gay.” Chris held up his hands. “Hey, there’s nothing wrong with that.” “I know there isn’t. But just because I don’t go around the station bragging about every woman I’ve slept with doesn’t make me gay.” Chris nodded in mock acceptance. “Whatever you say, Bro’.” “You little brat! You were always going around starting crap. I should have let you see some of the women I dated so you’d shut up. I’ve been with some of the most beautiful girls you’ve ever seen.” “You don’t have to prove anything to me, Ben. I’m with you no matter what.” He dipped his fist in a supportive gesture and made sure his voice was sickeningly sweet. 28

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Ben let out a long breath, then continued to finish making his sandwich. “I am not having this conversation. I’m going to eat my sandwich, watch a movie on television, and go to bed.” “You’re not going to hit the bottle again, are you?” Chris was serious now. “Just for starting that garbage about the locker room, I think I will. And don’t bother haunting me anymore. I’m not paying attention.” Ben wrapped his sandwich in a paper towel, grabbed the partially drunk bottle of whiskey and headed for the living room. Chris sadly watched him leave. “Trouble is, I really am with you, Ben. Why won’t you listen to me?” he sadly whispered.

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CHAPTER THREE

Armed with the attorney’s letter, Kate approached the front door of the old house again. Not even making an attempt to be tactful, she pounded on the oak door until her fist hurt. “Hello?” The events of the previous day before kept her resolute. Ben put down his weights when he heard her loud greeting. “Great. What does she want now?” He was thinking of ignoring her when Chris made his first appearance of the day. “If you don’t answer the door, I will. You can only imagine what will happen if I do.” “Don’t you even think about it.” Ben wiped the sweat from his face with one hand. “I’ll get rid of little Miss Thing quick enough.” He stalked toward the front door and tugged it open. Momentarily taken aback by all the muscle revealed by his naked upper torso, Kate stared at him a little too long. All he had on were a pair of navy blue sweat pants and black athletic shoes. The man’s pectoral muscles fairly leaped from his broad chest as did the equally defined bicep tissue. And what an abdomen. It looked as if it had been forged from iron. Ben raised his eyebrows, waiting for her to speak. When she continued to stare, he reluctantly began the conversation. “Is there something I can do for you, Miss Donahue? I thought we got matters settled yesterday.” Finally remembering the purpose for her visit, Kate cleared her throat and dragged her eyes away from the handsome man’s body. “I have a letter here from the city attorney’s office.” She held up the white envelope and waited for him to take it from her. When he leaned against the doorframe and crossed his arms over all that chest muscle, she got angry. “Aren’t you going to take it?” “Why? I told you I’m not going to be blackmailed into anything.” Kate blew out a long breath while trying to control her temper. “The letter says that you’re responsible for the state of this property. Even if you don’t own the residence. You’re the tenant and that means you have to abide by city regulations governing the 30

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safety of your domicile, and that means you have to get this place cleaned up or else. If it’s not the BUTT group who does it, someone has to.” Ben grabbed the envelope containing the letter and tore it open. Sure enough, the city attorney’s office had issued what amounted to a ruling and quoted the law in the letter. It essentially made him, as the occupant, responsible for whatever happened should the property harbor unwanted or dangerous vermin. And it also occurred to him, at the same instant, that if the captain ever found out he was in any kind of civil trouble as well as all the other things on his plate, he might just have to kiss his job goodbye. “Alright, Miss Donahue. I get the point,” he angrily relented. “But like you said, I don’t have to have your BUTT take care of this property.” Kate ignored the use of her group’s initials to refer to her derriere. “Fine. Just know that a professional landscaping company is going to cost you plenty. They usually only design areas for homeowners. Not clean up after drunken bums whose yards are so overgrown it would take weeks just to get them presentable.” Ben slowly walked out of the doorway and toward the woman in front of him. “I’m not a drunken bum,” he furiously asserted. Kate knew she’d gone too far. That remark was way out of line. But she disliked his overbearing attitude and off-hand dismissal of what she was trying to accomplish. Still, she was a woman alone and the thought of having this giant of a man so furious with her was quite unsettling. “Look. I’ve done what I came to do. I’ll be back in a week to see that the place is cleaned up. If it isn’t, I’ll go back to the city attorney’s office and file a formal complaint.” Ben had a much better idea. “Oh, no you don’t, Miss Donahue. Since you started this, you’re going to finish it. I want your group here tomorrow morning. Bright and early. I want the ground around this place so clean I can eat off it. But you don’t do one thing without me being present and getting my permission. Is that clear?” “I don’t like your attitude, Mr. Murphy. And I’m not sure I want my kids around a man like you.” She continued backing up as he slowly advanced. Kate began to wonder how much porch was left for her retreat. “A man like me, as you put it, has a right to equal treatment. So if you don’t show up, I’ll call your group’s headquarters and complain that you wouldn’t work in my yard and that you’ve discriminated. Maybe I’ll even get a lawyer of my own and take you to court over it,” he bluffed. “You wouldn’t dare.” “Like I said. You started this. Not me.” 31

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At the porch steps now, Kate had no place left to back up. She disliked having him stand over her while she backed down the steps. “Alright. Fine. I’ll bring the paperwork by later this afternoon. You’ll have to sign a release form which gives my kids permission to work in your yard.” “And what if one of these kids gets hurt on this property while working? Am I responsible for that, too?” he angrily asked. “No. That’s my responsibility. I know the equipment they use and who’s been trained and certified to use what. All we need is a signature giving us permission to work.” He was very close now, but Kate had no intention of backing up one more step. “And exactly how much is this going to cost me, Miss Donahue?” “This one is on me, Mr. Murphy,” she sarcastically bit out. “I wouldn’t take anything from you if you handed it to me on a silver platter. I don’t even want you to volunteer with our group. Someone like you doesn’t need to be around troubled kids.” Again, she made a character reference that had Ben’s blood boiling. “Just so you and your kids don’t have to be here any longer than necessary, just how long is this gonna take?” “Until we’re through and the neighborhood isn’t threatened by anything on this property.” “Then I guess our discussion is over. Good bye, Miss Donahue.” “Try not to get too inebriated, Mr. Murphy. I don’t like exposing the kids to something many of them deal with in their home lives. We’re trying to teach them there are good people in the world.” Kate quickly turned around and marched back to her van. Ben was so furious he couldn’t think straight any more. He quickly stormed back into the house and slammed the door so hard that the entire front area shook with the violence of it. Then he stalked back to where he left his weights. “Damned woman. Who the hell does she think she is...judging me?” “You have been drinking. And you smell like whiskey. You reek of it.” “And how the hell would a ghost know that? You’re supposed to be able to smell all of a sudden?” Chris floated toward Ben and stopped right in front of him. “You’d be surprised what I know. And according to you I’m not here anyway. So why argue the point with your imaginary friend?” Ben ignored him, picked up his weights and proceeded to begin his entire workout regimen over again. Chris drifted around the room and watched Ben alternately lift heavier and heavier weights while sipping more and more whiskey. “You’re pathetic. I’d have never 32

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thought to see you like this, Ben. If Dad could see you, he’d kick your butt so hard it’d leave a mark forever.” Ignoring the specter’s comments, Ben began to drunkenly mutter to himself. “Not...not fit to be around kids. I used to give them tours through the shtation,” he mispronounced. “Guess she thinks she’s too...too good for a Murphy. Too pretty and above the likes of me...” he waved his hand in a courtly gesture and almost fell to the floor doing so. Chris sadly shook his head. “Stop drinking. This time, you’ve really gone too far. You’re gonna get hurt.” “Not good for fighting fires anymore...no good to you...” Ben stumbled towards his bottle once again. It sat on a desk at the far end of the room. In his drunken state, he couldn’t tell that he’d emptied it twenty minutes previously. “That’s enough!” Chris loudly warned. Just as Ben got to the desk, he tried to reach for one of his visions of the bottle but missed. He tried again but ended up sweeping it violently aside. The bottle flew toward a fireplace, five feet away. When it landed, the empty bottle shattered on the hard surface of the stone hearth. “Don’t go over there,” Chris warned. “You’ll get hurt.” Ignoring Chris yet again, Ben staggered toward the shiny shards. Misjudging the distance, he leaned forward and fell into the middle of the glass. His palms and the underside of his arms took the brunt of the fall. Chris swiftly moved forward. “Are you alright? Man, look at what you’ve done to yourself?” Ben lifted his cut palms and wrists and stared at them for a moment. “S’okay,” he slurred, “can’t feel a thing.” At that moment, a hard pounding sound echoed through the hallway. Chris knew who was at the door, but also knew Ben couldn’t possible get there in his present state. He glanced at his older brother and considered revealing himself to Kate if only to get her to help. The cuts on Ben’s arms weren’t particularly serious as far as he could tell, but they needed cleaning. Before he could spend another moment agonizing over the issue, a strange thing happened. Stranger than even a ghost could have expected. Outside, Kate pounded harder and harder. She’d dropped all the other work she was supposed to do just to get the stupid papers drawn up so Ben Murphy could sign them. And he was damned well coming to the door if she had to stay there all afternoon knocking. Suddenly, the door swung wide open. She carefully leaned forward and waited 33

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for someone to appear. “Mr. Murphy, are you here? I’ve got the documents you need to sign. The sooner you do this, the sooner I can go and get out of your hair,” she called out. Taking the opportunity the house offered, Chris sunk down to Ben’s position on the floor. “Your girlfriend is here, Ben. It’s Kate,” he quietly murmured. “Leave me alone!” Ben yelled. And swatted at the apparition near him. Responding exactly as he’d hoped, Chris smiled and slowly melted into nothingness. Hearing the loud shout from another room, Kate carefully walked into the foyer. When she saw Ben lying in a pile of broken glass and that his hands and wrists were bleeding badly, she rushed into the room without a second thought. “What, in the name of God, have you done?” Confused as to how she got in the house or where Chris was, Ben simply stared and tried to keep from passing out. “Oh God!” Kate took a closer look at the cuts on Ben’s wrists, saw all the glass and immediately assumed the wrong thing. “I’m so sorry...I didn’t know you’d try to...Oh, God!” she repeated. Ben tried to push himself off the floor. “Leave me...can take care...care of myself...” Afraid of what would happen if he got up and knowing he wouldn’t let her touch him, Kate looked around for a nearby phone. Hers was in her purse on the front seat of her car, and she couldn’t see one in the big room. When the man tried to rise again, and the bloody mess he had made of himself became more apparent, she did something that would never have occurred to her under any other circumstances. She glanced around the room and saw a huge edition of an unabridged dictionary. Kate picked it up off the desk and swung it down over Ben’s head. When it made contact with the back of his skull, Ben tried to lift his hand to touch that area where the book landed. Dizziness engulfed him. A second later, he sank to the floor in an unconscious heap. “L-Lord, help me. I’ve k-killed him,” Kate brokenly muttered. She dropped the huge dictionary, kicked aside any glass with her tennis shoe and knelt beside Ben. She hesitated at first, but finally put her fingertips to the side of his neck. His pulse was strong. She breathed a sigh of relief, then gingerly checked his pupils. They seemed to respond to light evenly, but she was no medic. All she’d tried to do was to keep him from finding one of the large pieces of glass and doing himself in for good. “I’ve got to call somebody,” she whispered. 34

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Kate got up, ran to the door and tried to open it, but the thing seemed stuck. She hadn’t remembered closing it behind her, and couldn’t begin to explain how it had opened in the first place. Especially since Ben was at least thirty feet away when she walked in. Momentarily tossing aside that logistical issue, she pulled at the door again, but it just wasn’t budging. On the stairwell, Chris watched in awe. He had no part in what was going on. It was the house. Like a living entity with compassionate feelings of its own, the house wasn’t about to let Kate leave or let Ben lie on the parlor floor without help. And he nodded in understanding. There truly was a reason for Ben being in the old mansion. As he’d believed from the start, there was no coincidence to any of this. Now, Kate was part of it, and Chris couldn’t have been happier. He vanished, but stayed close enough to hear what was happening. No matter what Kate did, the door just wouldn’t open. She ran to the back of the house and finally found a back door in the kitchen. That, too, wasn’t about to give way and neither would any of the windows. She put a hand to her face. “What’s happening? Why can’t I get out of here?” Frightened by what she’d done, her only thought was to get Ben some help. She saw a phone, picked it up only to have a strange garbled sound come through the line. She put the receiver down, anxiously thinking for a moment, then rushed back to the parlor. By now, Ben was thankfully rubbing the back of his head and trying to sit up. “What hit me?” “I-I did,” she meekly admitted and avoided any glass to kneel beside him again. “I’m sorry, but I didn’t know what else to do. I had to stop you from finishing.” In his drunken state, Ben couldn’t make any sense out of what she was saying. But then, their communication hadn’t been that much better when he was sober. “What are you talking about, Miss Donahue? How did you get in here?” “The door was open, I just came in when I heard you cry out. I found you lying in all this glass with your wrists cut. Look...I’m sorry about what I said and how I’ve acted. I didn’t know you were desperate enough to...well, to do something so serious,” She quickly finished. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He looked at the blood on his palms and wrists and shook his head. “The last thing I remember was knocking a bottle off the desk and falling. Must have landed on the broken glass.” For the first time, Kate looked closely at the scenario and began to assess the situation. It truly did look as though his explanation might be the case. But she wasn’t 35

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taking any chances. “Why don’t I drive you to the hospital? You need to have those cuts looked after.” Ben carelessly wiped his palms and arms against his sweat pants. “Not that bad really. Been hurt...lot’s worse.” “You’ve done something like this before?” Kate softly asked and felt even more guilty about her behavior where he was concerned. Ben shook his head to try and clear it, then rubbed the back of his head. “Must have hit my head when I tripped.” She chewed on her lower lip and decided to let him think that for the time being. It was a coward’s way out, but he didn’t need to be more upset. At least, that was the way she rationalized it for the moment. “Come on. If you can get up, I’ll drive you to the emergency room.” She tried to put her hands around his waist but her grip was gently disengaged. “No need. Not bleeding anymore.” She looked over the wounds and saw that they were more shallow than she’d thought. “There was so much blood. It looked terrible.” “Superficial. Just get me to the kitchen where I can wash up. And there’s probably some antiseptic upstairs in the master bathroom.” He tried to stand again, but the amount of alcohol in his system just wouldn’t allow it. Still, he was more sober than before. Something about the situation had a sobering effect. Afraid he’d fall and really hurt himself, Kate held out her hands for him to stay put. “Just sit there, okay. I’ll go get something to clean you up.” Forgetting their hostilities for the moment, Ben nodded and sat still. Kate ran out of the room, presumably to find some first aid paraphernalia. He suddenly remembered telling Chris that he wasn’t trying to kill himself, but this was one of the more stupid stunts he’d ever pulled, and lent credence to his brother’s concern. He never abused alcohol before coming to this house and he’d never injured himself to the point of being unable to remember what happened. The back of his head still hurt from the fall, but he couldn’t remember hitting the floor. While Kate was gone, he did some very hard thinking. Something about the entire incident left a pathetic taste in his mouth. This was what feeling sorry for himself and his situation had led to. And Ben didn’t like the picture he was painting of himself. Especially not in front of the judgmental Miss Donahue. He wasn’t a drunken bum. Now, however, he could see her point of view and she had every right to think otherwise. “I’ve gotta get my act together,” he muttered. But one thing was certain. He couldn’t go to the hospital. 36

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If the captain found out what had happened, his career was over. Despite Chris’ assertion that his supervisor would take him back at any cost, Ben knew the man just wasn’t that patient. And Cap knew plenty of people at the nearest hospital. Paramedics from their station took accident victims there all the time. Like most firefighters, Cap knew almost all the E.R. nurses and doctors and so did he. They were all close. Word of this incident would get back to his station, Ben was sure of it. Gossip among those in their occupations was the quickest form of communication on Earth. In fact, there was a saying about the way new gossip was spread. It went, telephone, tell a cop or tell a fireman. The three fastest modes of communication known to man. Kate hurriedly walked back into the room. She tried to balance a bowl of warm water without letting go of the antiseptic under one arm and the clean towels draped over the other. She gracefully knelt beside Ben again, remembering to kick aside any remaining glass with her foot as she did so. She began to arrange the first aid items for use. “I’m afraid this is going to hurt. We really should get you to an emergency room, you know.” “No. You’ll do fine. Just clean up the cuts and you’ll see they really aren’t that bad. And be careful, there’s still broken glass all over the place.” As she gingerly began to clean the wounds and dab on antiseptic, the cuts stung enough to help Ben sober even more. He couldn’t fault her technique or that she was exceedingly gentle. Much more so than he would have believed given their recent unfriendly encounters. “I should have probably called an ambulance or something, but the phone was out of order. And I couldn’t even get the doors or windows open to get out,” she said as she kept up her minor attempts at first aid. Ben opened his mouth to argue the absurdity of her claim, but then he had a ghostly sibling running around somewhere who might have had a hand in doing just as the woman related. He decided to go ahead and agree with her. “Yeah, these old houses have problems sometimes. Doors get stuck. And I’ve never called out on the phone. I wasn’t here long enough to call anyone.” That part was true. And who would there be to call except his supervisor? “Are you sure you’re going to be alright? These cuts don’t really look so bad now.” Ben perused her work and had to admit it was a better job than he could have done under the circumstances. “All I need is a good night’s sleep, and I’ll clean up all this glass in the morning.” 37

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Kate helped him to his feet. He seemed a bit more coherent, but someone as drunk as he was still shouldn’t be left alone. What if he tried to get up the stairs and fell? “Is there someone I can call for you?” “No. Nobody.” It was simply said. No sympathy implied. But Kate felt sorry for him anyway. How could someone get the way he was without anyone caring? From a huge family of worriers, it didn’t make sense to her way of thinking. Ben half-staggered toward the hallway. “I’ll just get some sleep.” Then, he stopped and turned toward her. “Why were you here, anyway?” “I came to get you to sign the waiver so we could work in your yard tomorrow. Don’t you remember?” Ben tried to clear his brain long enough to think. “Oh yeah, I remember now. If you’ve got the paperwork, I’ll sign it.” She shook her head. “That can wait.” “No. If this is going to be done, let’s get it all legal and over with.” Kate sighed and pulled the folded paper from her back pocket. “Here. It just takes a signature at the bottom. There’s no fine print in the document. I can read it to you, if you like.” “That’s okay. I’ll throw caution to the wind and trust you,” he sarcastically responded. What choice did he actually have? If his captain found out about this trouble, he’d be pinching his unemployment pennies. With the decision made, he waited for Kate to go to the desk and get a pen. He looked for a place to lean against so he could sign. She stood in front of him, patting her shoulder to offer it as a makeshift desk. It was a rather soft desk. But the pen worked well enough. He found himself wishing he were the paper, resting on her shoulder. Kate took the document, refolded it and stuck it back in her pocket. She watched Ben carelessly toss the pen back toward the desk. It landed in the middle of the top, luckily enough. “Good night, Ms. Donahue. Guess I’ll see you sometime in the morning.” Kate watched him use the wall for support as he walked toward the staircase. As his foot touched the bottom step, she knew it wasn’t in her to let him stay alone. Not as he was. “Look, I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to try to get up the stairs by yourself. Why don’t you let me help you?” Ben looked up at the wavering steps above and decided she just might be right. “All I need is someone to balance me. Sorry to put you to the trouble. As it happens, I don’t want to break my neck.” 38

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“I was beginning to think you might,” Kate shot back. “Pardon?” “Nothing. Just lean on me and keep a good grip on the railing. Don’t let go.” Or they’d both end up falling down the stairs. Either he was more steady than he seemed, or she was very good at keeping them both upright. But the trip upstairs didn’t take that long. In his room, Ben turned to her. “Thanks again. I owe you.” She shook her head and shrugged. “No you don’t. It’s something anybody would do.” He wasn’t so sure about that, but he was upstairs and safe. It was due to her help. “I’ll just grab a quick shower, make sure these cuts won’t open up again, then jump right into bed. Thanks again.” When she hovered a little too long, Ben wasn’t sure what to do or say next. Kate nodded. But knew damned well that she wasn’t going anywhere until he was okay to leave alone. What if he fell in the shower? While she drew the line at actually helping him bathe, she could at least stick around and be near if he fell. Someone once told her that if you save a person, they become your responsibility. She hadn’t known at the time what that really meant. Now, however, she understood the old adage very well. She slowly walked out of the room, but stood in the hall where he couldn’t see her. After standing what seemed like an eternity under the hot running water, Ben’s sensibilities seemed to return. Along with a headache and an empty stomach. He couldn’t remember eating much. But that was because his bottle had been his source of sustenance. That had to stop. As of tomorrow, he was putting himself back on regular, well-balanced meals. When he walked out of the bathroom, he pulled on a clean sweat suit and decided to raid the darkest regions of the refrigerator for enough food to hold him over until the morning. He padded, barefoot, downstairs and stopped at the bottom when he caught a wonderful aroma coming from the kitchen. Ghosts didn’t cook, did they? He’d never read anything about them being able to do so. But then, what he knew about a ghost could be shoved in a bottle cap. He slowly entered the kitchen and stared when he saw Kate Donahue standing there, stirring a pot on the stove. “What are you doing here?” Kate jumped, quickly put a hand to her chest and turned all at the same time. “God, you scared me!” She pushed a stray strand of hair out of her face and proceeded to explain. “When I heard the shower running for so long, and it seemed like you might be able to manage for a few minutes without me, I came down here and started some soup. 39

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You look like someone ought to shove a good meal inside you, and the sandwich stuff I found wasn’t enough to make a good dinner. I hope you aren’t angry, Mr. Murphy, but I just couldn’t leave. I mean...you just cut your wrists this afternoon. You wouldn’t let me take you anywhere, assuming I could get the damned doors open after it happened, of course.” She shrugged. “What was I supposed to do? I’d be worried sick all night if I just walked out.” As kind as her words were, it was the wrist-slitting thing that grabbed Ben’s attention. That was the third time, in a very short while, that different people assumed he was trying to do himself in. First it had been Cap, then Chris, now, this woman. Quickly sorting through the events in his aching head, he really couldn’t blame anyone but himself. Still, he had to get the incident concerning the broken bottle cleared up. “Look, Ms. Donahue...” “Call me Kate.” “Okay, Kate. Call me Ben.” He pushed one hand through his hair and thought about where to begin. “I really did drop a bottle of booze when I was drunk. I wasn’t trying to slit anything.” He paused when he caught her glimpse of disbelief. “Really, I fell on the broken glass. I’m a fireman and I know of about a thousand easier ways to do myself in. If that’s what I really wanted.” He remembered telling Chris pretty much the same thing. How pathetic he must seem to everyone. His family would be rolling in their graves if they knew about his behavior. And maybe they did. When Kate stared at him and her beautiful, full mouth began to open, he wondered what he’d said or done to cause the surprised look on her face. “Oh, my Lord! You’re one of those Murphy’s. That’s why I seemed to recognize you.” She put both hands to her face and sadly shook her head. “Excuse me?” “I read about what happened in the newspaper. I’m so sorry, Ben.” He forgot about the endless newspaper write-ups after Chris’ death. One of them had a history of his entire firefighting heritage in a column that ran for days. That included his picture, pulled from some archives somewhere, along with photos of Chris, his father, grandfather, and every other Murphy family member who’d ever been in the department. Through it all, he steadfastly refused to have anything to do with the reporters who hounded the station wanting comments from him. Even Cap had run them off eventually. And the stories had painted him as a kind of surviving hero. The last of a legacy. But Ben knew the hero thing was as far from the truth as a story could get.

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He looked away. “Well, stuff happens.” That was the best response he could give under the circumstances. The last thing he needed was anyone’s pity. He could wallow in that all by himself. “I can bet you’re trying to get away from things,” she softly surmised. “That’s why you moved into this old house, isn’t it?” Trying to change the subject, Ben pointed at the stove. “What are you cooking?” She smiled and turned to stir the pot. “I told you, I’m making soup.” Ben wasn’t sure she believed his story about the broken bottle, but the subject seemed closed. “I am kind of hungry.” “When was the last time you ate?” He rubbed the back of his neck and sheepishly shrugged. “Don’t remember.” He sighed. “Guess I must seem pretty pitiful to you. But I really don’t want any sympathy. That’s the last thing I really need right now.” She turned back to him, stared for a moment and nodded. “Good. You aren’t going to get it.” She turned back to her pot and added some dried basil. Her answer surprised him. He really believed she meant it. If that was the case, it’d be good to converse with someone who wouldn’t see him as the tragic victim he’d made of himself. “Where did you get the stuff for the soup. I don’t remember seeing anything on the shelves.” “When you seemed to be sobering up in that long shower, I got the nerve to try the doors one more time. The front one finally came unstuck, if you can believe it. Anyhow, since I could get out of the house, I drove around the corner to the nearest market and came back as fast as I could. I really didn’t want to leave you at all, but, like I said, you didn’t have enough food for a good dinner.” She took a good long look at him. “How do you feel?” “Stupid,” he openly admitted. Kate bestowed a brilliant smile on him, and Ben felt like something had just passed between them that was very important. “Well, as long as you’re determined to feed me, can I help?” “Sure. If you’re up to it, you could set the table. Your hands are better?” “Yeah. No life threatening injuries.” As Ben went about setting the table, he covertly watched every move Kate made. Even the way her long pony-tail cascaded down her back seemed graceful. “Uh, maybe you should let someone know where you are. If the phone is working, that is.” She cast a grin at him, then proceeded to taste the soup before answering. “I live alone. My mother owns a florist shop where I’m a co-manager along with my aunt. I left 41

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them working earlier. They probably think I’m home watching an old movie or something. That’s usually what I do on Friday nights.” Something in the vicinity of Ben’s heart lurched in acceptance of this news. He sat down at a counter top and pulled a baguette of freshly baked French bread toward him. The men in Autumn Falls were idiots if they let a girl like her stay at home on a Friday evening. Still, she could be engaged or something and her fiancé might not have been available. But wouldn’t she want to let her beau know where she was if that was the case? Kate laughed when he pulled off a large chunk and began to munch it. “Hungry?” He nodded and smiled back. Surprisingly, he was. Ravenous in fact. And as he slowly chewed the bread, even his head began to feel a bit better. “I think it’s just about done. Here, taste this?” She dipped a wooden spoon into the large pot, cupped her hand under it and offered the sample to him. Ben carefully sipped the hot liquid and immediately felt his empty stomach rumble at the rich, tomato and basil flavor. “It’s ready,” he declared. Again, Kate shot him a warm smile, then hefted the pot onto a trivet. After retrieving two salads from the fridge, she filled up a coffee cup and offered it to Ben. He took it from her and felt a sense of real warmth when their fingers touched. Half an hour later, Kate looked at her watch, and Ben wished there was some way he could keep her there. “Well, I’ll help you get this cleaned up and I’d better go. We have an early start in the morning. I’ll be over at about eight o’clock with a crew of kids.” Being reminded that she would return made him feel better. “I’ll clean up. It’s the least I can do after you cooked. At the station, the guys who do the cooking never wash dishes.” “Sounds like a fair system to me. Okay, Ben.” She stood up and put her soup bowl, salad plate and coffee cup in the kitchen sink. “I’ll see you in the morning. Get some sleep, okay? I just hope those doors of yours don’t stick again.” “Something tells me they won’t. It’s a humidity thing,” he lied, then put out his hand for her to shake. “Thanks again, Kate. I appreciate all the help.” She took the big hand he offered and squeezed it between both of hers. “Think nothing of it. We all need help sometimes. Um, just a suggestion...try to stay away from the alcohol. Okay?” “Don’t worry. I’m not gonna do myself in,” he asserted. She gazed at him for a long, long moment, then walked out of the kitchen. 42

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He watched her go, then leaned against the counter top and thought about the way his life had changed in such a short time. Since meeting Kate, there was a light at the end of a dark tunnel that he hadn’t expected to see. “Well, now you’re beginning to act like the Ben I used to know. And for once, you got a knock-out to notice you.” Ben reeled around and saw his brother float into the kitchen and hover over the remains of the homemade soup. “Women have, you know. Noticed me, that is.” Chris smirked. “It was me they were always looking at. Everybody knows I got the looks in the family.” “Well, Mr. Looks, unless ghosts can do dishes. Get outta my way.” Ben pushed up the sleeves of his sweatshirt and began to clean. “Oh, I guess you expect me to thank you for screwing with the phone and doors so Kate had to stay for a while?” “I didn’t do that, Ben. The house did.” Ben stopped, turned off the faucet and looked at him. “What do you mean?” “I’m not joking. This house has a mind of its own. I told you, it’s no coincidence that you’re here. Me either. The house only let Kate go tonight because it sensed she’d be back again. Sure enough, she came right back from the market.” Ben looked around the room and up at the ceiling. At this point, it didn’t take much to believe a building could act with all the personality of living entity. Especially not if ghosts could exist. “Well, just so long as it doesn’t try to trap me in here, too.” “Would have been pretty interesting, though. Kate and you being trapped in here for the night, I mean. Would have made a good story for me to tell Dad and the others when I get to the other side.” Ben ignored Chris’ attempts to bait him and continued with the dishes. Considering the subject of Kate, he could hardly wait for the next day. It’d been such a long time since he’d looked forward to anything as much as seeing her again. She could be annoying as hell one minute, kind as an angel the next. The combination intrigued him. He actually had something to look forward to.

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CHAPTER FOUR

Ben waited on the front porch and sipped his hot cup of coffee. He’d made extra in case Kate wanted some. And when he heard the van pull up the long driveway and saw a trailer full of equipment behind it, he found himself uncharacteristically waving in excited anticipation. It was a silly thing, but he was actually looking forward to helping. The autumn morning was bright; the air brisk, and there wasn’t a cloud in the sky. It could be the beginning of a very good day. When the van came to a stop and Kate jumped out, Ben felt something in his body respond. His heart beat faster and everything seemed more beautiful than before. Even the weed-filled yard. Kate was wearing an old pair of jeans, a t-shirt under a light jacket and a baseball cap on her head. There were a pair of high rubber boots on her feet and her long hair spilled down her back and swung when she walked. She grabbed up a pair of work gloves, and walked toward him. Her aqua blue eyes glittered with humor. Ben couldn’t remember when he’d been so eager to see anyone. “Is that for me, I hope?” she pointed toward the coffee. “I’ve been drinking out of this one, but...” She shook her head and swiftly absconded his coffee cup. Ben laughed. “Don’t care whose it is. Need coffee,” she muttered and sipped heartily. He watched a pile of kids fall out of the van and begin to unload the trailer behind it. “I, uh...I was hoping I could help? I promise, I’m not drunk.” She put her hand on his bicep. “I was hoping you would. And I’m sorry I said the things I did, Ben. It was particularly heartless. Please, forgive me?” “On one condition.” She waited for his condition and he pointed at the coffee cup she held. “Will you share some of that?” She burst out laughing and handed him back his cup. “Let’s get to work. I’ll introduce you to the kids.” She walked toward the group of young people unloading equipment from the trailer, and began to introduce them. 44

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Ben attempted to keep track of all the names, but there were two of the kids that caught his immediate attention. One was a teenager with obvious signs of Down’s syndrome. “This is Davy.” She held out her hand and the boy came running to her, smiling. When he got to her, she threw an arm over his shoulder and grinned back. “Davy is very good at raking and picking up trash. Very meticulous. He sees things some of the others won’t or they outright ignore. Davy, this is Mr. Murphy. This is his yard we’re cleaning today.” The boy immediately moved to Ben, walked right up and hugged him hard. Without thinking twice, Ben hugged him back. Unlike most kids who learned to mistrust because of societal problems or not to show affection because of silly perceptions, kids with Down’s syndrome often loved just because. Ben had met many when giving tours through the station. They always liked attention, but gave it back to everyone in return. Especially the firemen or policemen they happened to meet. They, after all, were the good guys. And to a mind open with wonder and the whimsies of life, these special kids didn’t learn to hate or dislike, or fear others because of what the firefighters or cops did for a living. “Kate says you’re a fireman.” She mouthed an I hope you don’t mind behind Davy’s back. Ben just grinned and waved it off with a hand signal. “I am a fireman, Davy. Maybe you can come to the station over on Pine Street someday and visit me there?” “Can I?” he enthusiastically asked. And began to hop up and down. “Sure. I’ll be back on duty soon. For right now...I’m sort of on vacation. Just come by and ask for Ben.” “Okay, Fireman Ben!” he hugged the large man again, then picked up a rake. “I’ll clean the yard good for you.” Ben smiled at him. “I’m sure you’ll do a better job than I have.” As he spoke, Ben noticed the second kid to capture his attention. She was a young girl who was just lowering the trailer ramp, intent on getting a lawn mower to the ground. She seemed very focused on her work, more so than some of the other kids around her. Kate noticed his interest. “That’s Shondra. She’s about the only person I’ll allow to use the mower or string feeder. If something goes wrong, she knows how to fix ‘em, too. She’s the hardest worker I’ve got,” she loudly proclaimed. Shondra grinned at the loud compliment, but continued getting her equipment ready. 45

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When the kids were out of earshot, Ben turned to Kate. “What’s their story? I remember you said these were kids with problems. They all look pretty normal to me.” He watched as they cut up with one another before beginning their assigned tasks. “Some have only one parent at home. And the parent has to spend time between two or three jobs to make ends meet. Some have had close calls with drugs and the law. Their parents call us to help give their kids something useful to do without giving them a handout. Sometimes a judge calls and wants someone in our program. Some are special cases like Davy. His mother is dead. His father works all the time so Davy can’t stay on his own. Shondra...she used to hook for a living. Her mother finally got her off the streets and I’m hoping to help keep her off.” Ben felt his jaw sag. “That girl can’t be more than fifteen.” “She just turned seventeen. She was on the streets for almost a year before she came to work with me. Her pimp almost beat her half to death, and that’s when she decided against staying in that line of work. Her mother finally got off pills and sobered up. Shondra’s pimp is in jail, of course, but there are others out there, just waiting for a chance to get her back on the streets again.” Ben became more and more impressed with Kate’s work and her organization’s goals. He began to understand a great deal more about her reaction to his drinking. “How did a florist get involved with all this?” Kate shrugged and kept her eyes on her workers as she explained. “Somebody from BUTT came by the florist’s shop one day and told me about the program. I was interested, so I went on a couple of trips with some of the crews. After I had some orientation and training, the organization let me have a couple of kids to work with. I already knew about flowers, so all I had to do was learn how to safely operate the mechanical stuff. Now, I’ve got one of the largest crews of kids operating in the entire city.” Ben didn’t doubt it. There were at least seven kids on her crew, though he hadn’t actually counted them. “Didn’t you tell me the money they get goes into some kind of tuition fund?” Kate nodded. “We keep track of the hours they work. The more hours, the more pay. They don’t get the money until they bring the organization proof that they intend to get more education. They can’t work if they don’t stay in school and keep at least a C average. In Davy’s case, the money goes to help with any medical expenses he might need or further training.” “But you have to have some kind of income to help keep the equipment running and to buy gas.” 46

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“We get a lot of donations. The kids make things for raffles or sell baked goods at holidays. Somehow, we always seem to manage. Then, there’s the unfortunate occasion or two when a kid goes back to the streets or fails to stay in the program. Their money is forfeited to the other kids and is divided equally when that happens. But it’s rare. Most of them are here because they really want to be. And they like it. There’s something very therapeutic about working in a garden.” She pointed to a tall boy who was helping Davy pick up trash. “That’s Brent. He’s eighteen and wants to stay on with the program even though he’s taking classes at the local junior college. He wants to be a team leader someday. On the street where he lives, there’s an elderly couple who used to have a vegetable garden. Because of health problems, they couldn’t keep working in it. On his own, Brent volunteered to keep it going for them. So, they can have fresh produce whenever they want. And they get a big kick out of having him come over. He’s become like a grandchild to them. Brent says he wants to major in agriculture in college. Imagine that? Maybe one day, he’ll be someone who’ll help feed the world.” Ben suddenly felt very ashamed of himself. Okay, he had problems, but some of the rest of the planet, even that part in his hometown, was much worse off than he. And it was not only sad, but very prophetic that all this was being shoved in his face. He’d always had a family who loved him, a job and the respect of others. Many people didn’t even have food to eat, and here he was drinking himself into an early grave. At the expense of his friends’ and his job. A job that people respected. He hadn’t honored himself or the guys at the station by behaving the way he had. He was feeling more like dirt as the minutes ticked by. “I’d better get to work. These kids are showing me up,” he shamefully admitted. “Come on, Fireman Ben. I’ll find you plenty to do,” Kate laughed. From an upstairs window, Chris watched and smiled. He saw the way his older sibling looked at the pretty woman by his side and knew there was something going on. Even if they didn’t admit it themselves as yet. If only he could get his brother to say why he felt guilt over his death, he could go to the other side and be with the rest of the family. Lately, he’d been hearing another voice among those who called to him The voice of a girl named Mary. He hadn’t quite made the connection as to who she was or why she was calling out to him, but he would. Still, he couldn’t leave this plane of existence for the next until he knew for sure that Ben would be alright, and that he wouldn’t blame himself for any deaths in the family. *** By lunchtime, the yard looked so dramatically different that Ben couldn’t believe it was the same place at all. Even the driveway had been blown off and the trash there 47

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picked up. The weeds were gone, the kids discovered an old fish pond on the place. To get it to work, the ever-handy Kate had waded into the shallow pond, back-washed a filter and put the pump back in place. The kids yelled in cheerful unison when Davy flipped on the switch to the pump and Kate got caught in the spray from the fountain. Ben watched as she interacted with the kids and concluded she’d be damned good with her own someday. And thinking that, kind of got him to wondering more. She wore no ring, but who was she dating? Attorneys knew her. She was friendly with judges. Hell, she could probably have her pick of well-paid, unattached businessmen all over the city. He was just an over thirty, underpaid firefighter who’d probably blown his only chance for promotion. But he reasoned, he wouldn’t have met her at all if he hadn’t come to the old house. He had to thank Cap for that. And Ben decided, he was about to give the city’s attorneys, judges, and officials a run for their money where Kate Donahue was concerned. A woman like her was worth every effort. If he hadn’t made such a poor showing of himself that she wouldn’t want to be around him, that is. When the kids took a break to eat their sack lunches and sat on the ground to eat and talk, Ben offered to heat up some leftover soup for whoever might want some. There was plenty of it, and the day was bright but still quite brisk. The soup was a welcome addition to their meal. Brent asked, "Ben how did you learn to swing an axe so well?" Ben was about to answer when a yellow sports car drove up the long driveway. The driver parked it behind the van, honked his horn loudly, then yelled. “Shondra! Come talk to me, girl.” “Dammit! He’s not supposed to be anywhere near her,” Kate muttered and got up off her picnic blanket to deal with the situation. Alarmed by her attitude, Ben got up to follow. Shondra immediately stood behind Ben. “Please, keep him away from me. He’s been following me everywhere. Mamma and me had to get a restraining order.” “Who is he?” Ben asked, while watching Kate walk toward the car’s occupant. “He knew my pimp and wants me to work for him. I’ve told him a hundred times to drop dead, but he keeps coming around.” “You stay here, Shondra. All of you stay put,” Ben ordered. He quickly caught up with Kate who was in the middle of an argument with the driver of the yellow car. “You alright?” Ben asked as he joined Kate. “Yeah. Leon here was just getting ready to leave. He knows I’m gonna to call the cops on him.” 48

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“Say, Bitch! Call the man on me and just see how far you get.” Leon reached out and grabbed Kate’s arm. Kate never really saw what happened next. Ben grabbed the kid out of the car, hauled him through the window and onto the drive. He almost had the younger man’s feet off ground. “If you ever put your hand on her again or bother any of these kids, there won’t be enough of you left for a cop to arrest. You understand?” Ben watched the man’s eyes grow round with fear. “Alright, alright. Just put me down, man. I didn’t know she was your woman. Say, I don’t mess with another man’s property. You dig?” “How did you find out Shondra was even here?” Kate demanded. “I called the BUTT office and told them I was her brother and needed to know where she was. Just get this pit bull off me and I’ll leave.” Leon kept his eyes on Ben’s angry face. “Can you hold onto him while I call the police?” Kate asked. Ben smiled maliciously. “I’ve been looking for a reason to pound the hell out of something. You’d better tell the cops to get here quick.” Kate believed Ben was entirely serious. She ran to the van, picked up her cell phone and made the call. Then she stood back and watched while Leon struggled helplessly against Ben’s greater size and strength. It looked like the big firefighter was shaking a small rag doll, and she silently hoped he wouldn’t act on his threat. If he did, she was sure there was nothing to stop him from beating the tar out of his captive. When Kate heard the siren and saw the flashing lights come up the drive moments later, she was relieved. Then, she saw who got out of the car and groaned. She knew her brother would find out, but she didn’t think he would be the one responding to the call. “Are you alright, Kate?” a big policeman called out. “Just fine, Jason.” She ran forward to explain what happened. Ben turned his head and glimpsed a man of his own size walking forward. Great. That had to be one of his rivals for Kate. A cop. The way she had her arm looped through his, Ben knew the relationship wasn’t professional. The two of them were on very friendly terms. Jason walked up just as his partner got off the radio and joined him. The two cops looked over the big man holding one of the city’s most notorious pimps like a Rottweiler attacking a newspaper. They simultaneously laughed. “Okay, mister. You can put Romeo down,” Jason instructed. Ben complied but he didn’t want to. “If he ever touches Kate again, I’ll beat the crap out of him.” 49

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“That right, Katydid? Did this louse put his hands on you?” Jason growled out. “Katydid?” Ben mused and looked at Kate. “That’s what your boyfriend calls you?” “He’s not my boyfriend. This is my older brother, Jason.” She punched Jason’s arm, while his partner handcuffed, searched, and hauled Leon to the patrol car. “Thanks for telling him that, you idiot!” Ben started to chuckle. One reason for his amusement was relief that the big cop wasn’t her boyfriend. The other reason was the silly nickname. And Jason’s expression was hysterical. He looked like a puppy whose nose had just been rubbed in something particularly odious. “Sorry, Katydid...uh, I mean Kate. Are you and everyone else okay?” Jason asked. She sighed in frustration and watched as a much more subdued Leon was pushed into the back of the police car. “We’re fine. This is Ben Murphy. We were cleaning his yard today.” Jason’s eyes widened. “One of the Murphy’s? From the station over at Pine Street?” “Yeah. That’s me,” Ben awkwardly admitted and stuck out his hand. “Man, one of your paramedics save my bacon about a year ago. I fell while chasing a crook and if he hadn’t done such a good job wrapping up my leg, I’d have been laid off for good.” Ben remembered the incident and snapped his fingers. “Oh yeah, the armed robbery suspect over on Main and Second Street. Whatever happened to that jerk?” Jason held up his hands and animatedly began to explain. “Oh, man, you won’t believe it. The judge put him so far away that...” Kate interrupted by clearing her throat. “Jason, you can do this later. Can’t you? Right now, Leon needs to get to jail. There’s a restraint order on him. Call Judge Hartford and tell him what happened. And tell him I said hello.” “Sure thing. Katydid...Sorry.” Jason outdistanced another shot to the arm, grinned at his sister and walked toward the patrol car. “See you guys later. I’ll stop by the station, Ben.” Ben waved at the policemen as they drove off, and tried very hard not to laugh. The Donahue family was one of those clans that everyone had heard about at his station. Until this very moment, he hadn’t associated Kate with those Donahues. As in most Irish families, the women ruled. Before his own mother’s death, she’d had the same kind of temperament Kate displayed, and the Murphy men hadn’t got on her 50

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bad side if they could help it. It was quite obvious that Kate didn’t like her nickname and hadn’t wanted him to hear it. It was an embarrassing moment for her, one she surely wouldn’t have made a fuss over if she wasn’t concerned about what he thought. That knowledge was very, very intriguing. “What’s so funny?” Kate asked. “Nothing...Katydid.” She rolled her eyes and walked back to where the kids sat. “Are you okay, Shondra? Everybody else?” The kids nodded, but had their gazes absolutely glued on Ben. When he approached, they stared at him with something like awe on their faces and Kate really couldn’t blame them. She wasn’t sure what she would have done if Ben hadn’t been there, though she liked to think she could have controlled the situation. Surely, Brent or the other older boys would have stepped in to help, but one of them might have gotten hurt. Pimps sometimes carried weapons. At least, that’s what she had heard from her cop brothers. When Ben rejoined the group, Davy walked up and hugged him again. “It’s okay, Davy. Everything’s fine now. Let’s all finish lunch and get back to the yard work. I don’t think Leon is gonna show up anytime soon.” After lunch, Kate herded the kids back to work. Most of them were quiet after the incident. But that was wearing off quickly. The scene hadn’t been serious, thanks to Ben. Before joining the kids, she stood on tiptoe and planted a quick kiss on his cheek. “What was that for?” he quietly asked. “Being a good guy.” “I can be a lot better,” he softly murmured. Kate wrinkled her nose and laughed. When they both turned around to face the kids, one of them had taken a marking pen, written a large number ten on a paper bag and was holding it up. They applauded like a group of judges at an iceskating championship, and he shook his head in embarrassment. “Leave him alone, you guys. You’ll scare him off,” Kate joked. “That’s if my cop brother didn’t already.” She turned to Ben. “After the others hear about Leon, there’ll be cops driving all over the neighborhood just to watch after their little sister.” Ben remembered how many of the Donahues were police officers and swallowed hard. It could be tough dating a woman with that much firepower behind her. But he wanted a shot anyhow. 51

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For Ben, the rest of the day passed without incident. And despite what had happened with Leon, he was sorry to see the crew go. He was bidding the kids goodbye, when Davy and Shondra delayed getting into the van. “Thanks, Mr. Murphy.” Shondra hugged him the same time Davy did. Ben got a bit choked up, and knew he couldn’t just turn his back on the group and simply say goodbye. “You kids have a great weekend. Take care.” He waved. He owed them some volunteer time and meant to give it. Kate tried to fight off tears when the kids yelled friendly jokes at Ben. He was good with them, and she was sorry to see the day end. But the main part of their work was done. Ben could keep the yard clean by himself. That meant there wasn’t any real reason for her to return. Not unless Ben threw her a bone. She chewed on her bottom lip as she approached. “Well, guess this is goodbye.” Ben slowly shook his head. “No. I owe you and the kids. You’ve all worked your butts off, and I want to put in some more time with them.” “I told you, Ben. This one was on me.” He stepped closer. “I always pay my debts, Katydid. Come back later tonight. We’ll talk about it.” “KISS HER, KISS HER KISS HER!” the kids began to chant when they saw the two adults standing so close together. Again, the paper bag score sheets came out along with a plethora of shouted, silly comments on the technique Ben was or wasn’t displaying. Ben burst out laughing. “You heard ‘em. What am I supposed to do?” he innocently asked, then moved forward and did just as the kids demanded. Kate could feel her entire body respond to that hot, slow kiss. And when he finally broke it, to the sound of the cheering on-lookers, she shot Ben what she hoped was her most beguiling smile. “Give me two hours,” she whispered. Ben grinned when all he really wanted to do was shout. He waved as the van drove away and the kids yelled and waved back. It had been a very long time since he’d felt that good. And when he turned around and looked at the yard, it was as if his entire attitude had done a one-hundred and eighty degree change. The house wasn’t a dreary, threatening place anymore. It was spectacular. Climbing roses had been freed from the vines surrounding them. The grass was perfectly cut and green, flowerbeds weeded and leaves all raked. In fact, the mansion was suddenly perfect. The greatest place he’d ever lived in. ‘I’m gonna’ have a yard just like this someday. Someplace for the kids to play.” He walked into the house to get a quick shower and find something decent to wear. 52

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*** Chris couldn’t resist. He sat on the windowsill and waited for Ben to get out of the shower. The singing was off-key and horrible. He’d never heard a worse version of ‘When Irish Eyes are Smilin’, but Ben was happy again. Now, if he could just get him to take that one last step and get rid of any remaining guilt. Ben came out of the bathroom brushing his teeth. He stopped long enough to stare at his ghostly brother. “What are you doing here?” “I was trying to rest, but your voice could wake the dead.” “Ha ha,” Ben sarcastically shot back. “Since when do ghosts need rest.” “We need to have a talk, Ben.” Ben walked back into the bathroom, spat out the toothpaste and rinsed his mouth before responding. He walked back into the room just in time to hear a loud knock on the downstairs door. Chris was nowhere to be seen. “She’s early,” he gasped and glanced at the clock by the bed. “Whoever heard of a woman being early.” He quickly pulled on his jeans and a nice shirt. The shoes would have to wait. He ran his hands through his drying hair, while he bounced down the stairs like a kid on his first date. He opened the door and knew he was grinning like an idiot. “Hi. Come on in.” Kate started to laugh. “I knew you wouldn’t be ready. Men never are when a woman is.” “I could take that a number of ways, you know.” “Take it anyway you want,” Kate quipped. Ben looked her over and whistled. “Wow! You look good enough to take on a date.” “Very chic, don’t you think?” She turned slowly around so he could get a good look at her blue jeans and dark green sweater. Posing in a silly way for his benefit. She liked it when he smiled, and had the feeling he hadn’t done so for a long time. “I like it. Just let me get my shoes on. I thought we might go get a hamburger or something.” “Oh, I thought we might eat here. I hope you don’t mind, but I ordered a large pizza to be delivered.” She wiggled her eyebrows. “That way, we don’t have to go anywhere.” Ben rubbed the back of his neck and wondered just where the evening would lead, and what she was suggesting. “Actually, that sounds great.” “Then you go finish whatever you were doing. I’d like to look the house over if you don’t mind.” 53

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“Sure. Be my guest. I’ll join you as soon as I can find my shoes.” Ben ran back up stairs, taking them two at a time. Kate wondered if she’d really only known him such a short time. It seemed as if their relationship, if it could be called that, had been going on for much longer. She hoped she could help him through the tragedy in his life. Ben was very special. Her heart was running away with the thought of getting to know him much better. When Ben came back down, Kate was in the parlor looking at a collection of old books. A knock on the door let them know the pizza had arrived. Ben took the wonderful smelling pie from the deliveryman, handed him some bills and told him to keep the change. “Come on. I can’t wait to dig in.” Before he could walk to the kitchen, Kate caught him by the upper arm and stopped him. “Can we eat it outside by that gas lamp. It’d be kind of romantic,” she coyly suggested. Ben’s mouth went dry. Her beautiful eyes had a definite come hither look that made him want to do anything she asked. “Sure,’ he choked the word out. Kate favored him with what she knew was her most winning smile and opened the door for him. As they sat on the front steps and ate, both of them made small talk. Kate talked about her family. But Ben held back speaking of his. Wanting to draw him out, she pressed the subject. “Are you really here on a vacation like you told the kids?” “You know I’m not.” He wiped his face with a restaurant provided napkin and looked at her. “I want...Can you tell me what happened?” she softly asked. “You want to know about my brother, don’t you?” Around the porch corner, Chris waited. If Ben would tell her, he could go to where he needed to be. Toward the voices that kept calling. “Go on, tell her,” he quietly pled. Ben considered for a moment. “If I did, you wouldn’t want to have anything to do with me, Kate.” “Do you want us to be together? To have a relationship?” “Yeah. I do,” he earnestly replied. “I’d really like that.” “Why were you drinking so much? Can you talk about that?” she urged. For a long time, Ben sat there. He could almost feel Chris’ presence and knew he was near. He decided to spill his guts, and get it over with. If Kate walked, it’d only be what he deserved. “I...I killed my brother.” 54

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Kate sat in stunned silence. Then adamantly shook her head in denial. “I don’t know what you think you did. But you sure as hell did not kill your brother.” Ben stared into the distance and began to relive that night all over again. “It was late. Chris and I were asleep at the station when we got the call. There was a warehouse near the old business district that was on fire. It didn’t take us long to get there, but we could see the sky all lit up before the engine even got within two miles of the place. There were already other district stations there.” “I remember reading about it. Wasn’t there a drug lab or something inside? One of my brother’s told me it was arson,” Kate softly supplied. Ben nodded. It was. Of course, we didn’t know that at the time. We thought maybe some homeless people accidentally set a fire trying to keep warm. That always happened in that part of town.” When he stopped there and seemed to be thinking, Kate urged him on. “What else, Ben. Please, tell me.” He clasped his hands between his knees and stared at them. “I was always ribbing Chris about being slow. Always joking about how I’d have the fire out before he could get out of the truck. It was a kind of game we played. He was always calling me ‘old man’ and I was always kidding him about being too wet behind the ears, and that he was the one who moved like a tortoise. Always slow.” Then Ben’s smile turned to a frown as he continued. “Chris was born ten years after me. He was an unexpected baby and my dad was always telling me to keep him safe. From the time we knew he wanted to fight fires for a living too, that’s all Dad said...Keep Chris safe.” Kate reached out, put a hand on his shoulder and moved closer. Ben hardly knew she was there. Now that the story was started, he had to finish it. “Because I’d egged him on, Chris wouldn’t wait for me. He ran into the fire without checking where I was.” He licked his suddenly dry lips to continue. “I must have been about twenty yards away from him by the time we got to the sixth floor. That’s where Cap wanted us, but something happened up there that nobody planned on.” He took a deep breath. “I heard an explosion at the hottest end of the building. My gut told me that what I was hearing was deliberately set. Even if I hadn’t heard the charges, I began to see there was something wrong just by the way the fire was burning. That’s when I heard more explosives. There were other charges set throughout the structure. I didn’t connect it with a booby-trapped drug lab, I knew we should have moved out, but I froze.” He clasped his hands tightly together and tried to force the horrible images of that night from his mind. “It seemed like Chris was so far away. I ran to him, but the whole world exploded, and the floor gave way under him. I moved as fast as I could, but I couldn’t get 55

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there in time. I grabbed for him just as he fell through this huge hole.” Ben began to shake and tears blurred his vision. “I reached for him but I was too late.” He bowed his head. “If I hadn’t frozen, if I hadn’t goaded him about being slow and let him run ahead of me, or maybe if I’d been faster...” Kate wrapped her arms around him and pulled his head against her shoulder. “Ben, you didn’t kill Chris. The people who were operating that drug lab set the explosives. They did it. Odds are, the chemicals alone would have cause the place to go up. It could have just as easily been you.” “I’ve been afraid of fires ever since, Kate. I wasn’t sure I can go in one again. Every call I’ve been on since that night, I’ve done crazy things to try and make up for what happened to Chris. Things I thought might keep somebody else out of a fire and drive this fear from me.” He was sobbing now and Kate could only hold him. “If Chris were here right now, what do you think he’d say to you?” Ben put his hands around her waist and raised his tear-stained face to gaze at her. Chris waited around the corner, in agony over his brother’s pain. Ben tried to speak coherently. “He...he would say it wasn’t my fault.” “That’s right. It wasn’t. You didn’t know you were walking into a trap.” She stroked his hair and spoke softly. “My brother told me drug dealers do things like that all the time. Sometimes it’s to kill cops. How could you have possibly known? How could you have moved faster wearing all that gear, and if you couldn’t, then Chris couldn’t get to you, either. It wasn’t anybody’s fault except for the butchers that set up that lab. You did not kill Chris,” she sternly reiterated. “Listen to her, Ben. She can’t hear me, but you can. Listen to what Kate is saying,” Chris whispered. “I l-loved my brother,” Ben choked out the words. “I was supposed to take care of him.” “I love you, too. But it wasn’t your fault. Let me go, Ben. Let me go and get on with your life,” Chris whispered back on the wind. Ben couldn’t stop now. He had to say everything. “I think I drank because I was angry. Angry with myself, and angry with my captain for forcing me to take time off and stay in this old house. And I just didn’t want to hurt anymore. I keep thinking about how I might have saved Chris. What I might have done differently.” He gazed into the distance. “Every time I go to a fire, I reenact some of that night all over again. I see Chris running ahead of me and I want to catch up to him. Before I know it, I’m way ahead of all the 56

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other guys and scared to death. It’s like I don’t want to look at another damned fire for the rest of my life. But I don’t want to leave the department. I can’t.” “What if you got help, Ben? If not from the department, I know someone. It would be confidential, I swear. No one would ever know.” “Who? I couldn’t just spill my guts to some shrink,” Ben angrily replied. “I was thinking of Father Kirkpatrick at St. Ann’s. Have you ever thought about going to a priest?” Ben looked at her and began to see some hope. For some crazy reason, he’d never considered that option. “No, I never thought of that. I-I guess it might work.” “You’re too good a fireman to lose, Ben. This city needs you. After today, my kids need you and want to work with you so badly. That‘s all they talked about on the way back to the group center. And I need you, too.” He smiled through his tears. “Yeah?” She nodded, trying very hard not to cry herself. “Yeah.” She ran fingers over his lips, then softly kissed him. “You know, it seems the Irish have always needed an extra kick in the butt now and again. Tragedy becomes us. We get lost in it a little too much. But something tells me you’d never be happy doing anything else but what you do.” “I remember my dad saying something like that. The thing about Irish tragedies, I mean.” “Would you like me to stay with you tonight? I will if you want me to.” “How do you mean that, Kate?” “You’re an Irishman. Figure it out.” She smiled sweetly and leaned forward to gently kiss his lips yet again. Ben pulled her into his embrace, and held on for a very long time. Then, he slowly released her and stood up. “I’m not fit company these days. My head is still screwed up, and I’m not sure I can drag you into my problems, pretty Kate.” “What if I want to be with you? What if I want to make your problems mine?” He reached out and touched her face. “Don’t think for a minute I don’t want you. But you’re looking at a man who might not have a career. Before I can get into a relationship with someone, I’ve got to straighten out the mess I’ve made of my life. After that, we’ll see.” He kissed her forehead. “Can you understand? I’ve got to get my nerve back, or I’ll be no good to anybody. Can you wait?” She stood up and looped her arm through his. “I’ll wait, I’ll be here whenever you’re ready, Ben.” She snuggled next to him and held on. “Would you like me to make an appointment with Father Kirkpatrick?” 57

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“Please. And I want to work with those kids of yours again. Some of what they’re going through made me think about how crazy I’ve been acting. I’m pretty pitiful.” “I think you’re pretty wonderful. You would have defended us all today just like a knight in shining armor.” “Yeah, well this knight has got to get back on his horse. And I think I’m beginning to understand something.” Kate tilted her head and ran a hand through his thick hair. “What’s that?” “Fighting fires is something I do. I thought the job was who I was. I’m beginning to rethink all that.” “Then there’s nothing wrong with you, Ben. You’re just seeing a new set of priorities. Things that might be.” He stroked her back and breathed in her clean scent. She smelled of lemons and fresh air. How wonderful it would be to wake up with her in his arms every morning. He had a feeling she could drive away any pain and help him live again. For now, he had to get over being the last of his family. “Hang with me, Kate. Please tell me we can work out.” “We can. And I’m not going anywhere,” she solemnly promised. He hugged her one last time, then gently pushed her away. “Except straight home, pretty girl. It’s late and you shouldn’t be driving around town by yourself at this hour. I need some time to myself. But I’ll take a rain check on that offer you made. Okay?” “Okay. But I want to come back by tomorrow.” “I’ll be waiting.” He kissed her very slowly and deeply. And Ben began to regret the decision not to let her stay. But he didn’t want a crutch or to make her feel as though she might be one. Kate deserved better. When the kiss finally ended, Kate just wanted to be in his arms for the rest of the night. But it was his call. He’d know when he was ready. And she would wait. “See you, Ben.” “Be careful. I’d tell you to call when you get home, but I don’t even know the telephone number here.” “I do,” she impishly grinned. “Got it from the information operator.” Ben smiled as she walked toward her van and already felt alone again. When Kate was there, even when they had argued, he never felt lonely. But Chris would keep him company. Now, he knew he hadn’t imagined his brother’s reappearance. Chris loved him and had been trying to help. Ben could accept it now. He stood under the lamplight and waved as Kate drove away. 58

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CHAPTER FIVE

“Are you out of your frickin’ skull?” Chris asked. “No unattached Murphy male would ever let an offer like she just made go by.” Ben jumped then immediately got himself under control “How long have you been there?” “I’ll be here until you’re head is back on straight. But I gotta tell you, I’m tired. I want to be with Dad and the rest of the family.” Ben stared at the apparition for a moment. “I’m sorry, Chris. I didn’t mean to get you hurt...” “STOP IT! That’s exactly what’s keeping me here. You didn’t do anything, Ben. Didn’t you hear Kate? Didn’t you believe any of what just happened between the two of you? Do you really love me, or not?” “Of course I do. I never came out and said it when you were alive. But I do, Chris. That’s the truth. So help me.” “Then forgive yourself. Let me go.” Ben’s bottom lip quivered. “If I do, will I ever see you again?” Chris floated toward him. “I’ll be with you all the time. Not like I am right now. But in spirit. Sometimes, I’ll send little signs. You’ll know when I’m there.” “Will you tell everyone that I miss them?” Ben was trying hard not to cry. “I will, Ben. And you know what?” “What?” “Remember that girl Dad tried to save. The pretty nineteen-year-old he stayed with when he couldn’t get her out of the fire?” “Is that what happened? We never really knew.” “When the guys couldn’t get to that part of the house safely and hung back, Dad went in anyhow. He just stayed with her. She was in a wheelchair and she couldn’t move. Dad was overcome by smoke by then and couldn’t lift her. So he stayed. That’s about the gist of it.” That knowledge filled Ben with pride. “Is she with him?” 59

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“Her whole family is with ours. When they all died with Dad, it made some kind of psychic connection bonding our families. And the girl has been calling me to come to her. I think I’m supposed to be with her.” “So you’ll have someone near your own age? A girl to be with?” “Yes. But in the afterlife, she isn’t in a wheelchair anymore. Everything is really nice there. At least, that’s the impression I get. And I want to go. Please, let me go.” Forever afterward, Ben would remember that moment as the hardest in his life. “Okay, Chris.” He thought for a few moments. “It could have been me who died. Maybe even one of Kate’s brothers if they had found that drug lab before the place caught on fire. I really didn’t do you any harm, did I?” “No. I don’t remember anything, but I know you could never hurt me. My heart, my gut, and my soul tell me so, Ben. The distance separating us that night wasn’t your fault.” “I want you to be happy.” “I will. Everyone is there. In the light.” “Okay.” Ben put his hand on his heart and tried to really feel what he was about to say. “I’ll miss you, Chris. And I wish I could have stopped what happened. I always will. But I didn’t do it.” Something inside him broke free and he openly wept. “I really, didn’t...” Chris smiled at him. “I know. That’s what I’ve been wanting for you to say all along. And now, you believe it, too. Thank you, Ben. I can go now.” “Remember, you promised to leave signs that you’re around. Okay, Chris?” “I will.” Chris began to fade away. “Be happy, Ben.” When Chris had almost vanished, Ben turned away. He didn’t want to see his brother go again. But wanted to remember him the way he’d been in life.” “BEN!” Hearing Chris’ urgent shout, he turned back around. Chris was desperately trying not to dematerialize. “Get to Kate. She’s at the florist shop on Stoner Avenue. The girl I’m with says you have to get to Kate right now.” Ben didn’t hesitate. He ran to his truck, and drove down the drive as fast as he could. He didn’t know what he’d find, but a message from the dead couldn’t be ignored. Certainly not one from his brother and whoever his brother was currently with. *** Kate walked out of the church, and back down the street toward the florist shop. All she could think about was Ben. Having made the appointment for him with Father 60

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Kirkpatrick, she was glad she hadn’t confessed how she was lusting after the fireman. She laughed just thinking about the penance for such a deviant deed, but wouldn’t repent all the same. When she got to the shop, she decided to go in, call Ben and let him know she was home safely. It was close enough. Only a few blocks away. While she fumbled in her pocket for the key, an eerie feeling came over her. Kate slowly turned. “What do you want? I thought the police had you in jail,” she bit out. Leon slowly walked toward her. “Just made bail about fifteen minutes ago.” “Too bad. You look even scummier under a street light.” She backed away when Leon pulled out a knife and flipped it open. “Nobody does to me, what you did today. Especially not in front of one of my bitches.” “Shondra isn’t yours, and she never will be.” Kate tried to find anything in her pockets she could use as a weapon. Her brothers had taught her how to defend herself in most situations, but not against a man wielding a knife. “I think you just made tomorrow’s front page, bitch. You ‘dissed the wrong man.” Kate kicked at his knee as hard as she could and had the satisfaction of hearing him howl. The safest place was back at the church. Father Kirkpatrick was still there and would call the police. Too late, she remembered her own phone was still in her van, but wouldn’t have the time to use it at any rate. She’d need both hands to defend herself. Leon reached out and got a hold of her jacket. He angrily pulled her back to him and pushed her hard against the glass. Kate felt the air leave her lungs as she slammed against the hard surface. This was it. This was where she ended. And Ben would be alone. That was what she was thinking when she saw Leon’s knife come toward her throat. Ben raced down the street. He ran harder than he’d ever run in his entire life. Not one more person he loved was going to die. And he knew, with all his heart, that he loved Kate Donahue. Leon flashed the blade and laughed. Ben saw the gesture and launched himself at the smaller man. They both fell some feet away from Kate. Kate watched in horror as Ben rolled over with Leon still brandishing the blade. But his smaller size was no match for Ben’s. The bigger man proceeded to twist the knife out of Leon’s hand as if the arm were a pipe cleaner. Leon screamed out in agony as the sound of popping bone filled the night air. 61

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“You broke my arm,” he screamed out in rage and cradled his arm against his body. Ben kicked the knife away and planted his foot on the man’s chest. “Kate, are you alright, baby?” When she nodded, he glared down at the man under his foot. “Go call your brother, honey. I think this guy needs a cop with real heart to take him downtown.” “No, man. Don’t do that. Don’t call her brother. He’ll kill me,” Leon begged. Kate glanced at Ben, took a deep breath and raced to her van to make the call. “You won’t have to worry about that. I decided I’m gonna do the job for him.” Ben reached down, dragged the man up as he had that afternoon, and held him up until his toes barely touched the ground. “It’ll be murder.” Ben sneered at him. “I guess you didn’t give a damned what you were about to do to Kate, did you?” “I-I was only gonna scare her, man. I knew she worked here, and I was just gonna wait around until she showed up and give her the business,” he babbled. “I’ve got your business right here, pal.” Ben drew back his fist and was about to soundly plant it in the man’s face when sirens sounded. Kate raised her hands in a gesture she hoped would stop him. “Ben don’t! You’ll end up in jail and not with me, tonight.” He glanced at Kate. “Letting you go was a mistake.” “Your forgiven,” she panted. “Now, just put Leon down and let the police deal with him. Please?” “Did you call your brother?” “Are you crazy? Jason would castrate him. I just dialed 911 and prayed family wouldn’t be dispatched.” As if on cue, Ben could hear men running toward him. “Put him down, Murphy. We’ll take over. Thank God you got here in time. We were just around the corner when we got the call,” a huge policeman advised. “Ohhhh Noooo,” Kate moaned and put her hands over her face. Ben relinquished Leon into one officer’s custody, another approached Kate. The cop gripped Kate’s shoulder. “Wait until Jason hears about this. How many times have we told you not to come down here by yourself at night?” the officer chastised. Kate took a deep breath. “Ben, this is my cousin, Peter.” Ben nodded, but kept his gaze riveted on Kate. “Glad to meet you. How did you know my name?” Ben asked as he held his arms open and let Kate rush into his embrace. 62

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“Jason told everybody what happened earlier. He tried to get a hold of Kate when Leon made bail, but she wasn’t answering her phone and we couldn’t find her.” Peter turned his attention to his cousin. “Where is your phone, Katydid? How many times have I told you not to leave it in your car?” Kate groaned and leaned into Ben’s embrace. “Please, get me out of here before I have to listen to a lecture.” “I think you’re going to have to file a report, honey.” Peter nodded. “Yep. She’ll have to go downtown. But she can ride with you if she wants. Just wait until Uncle Haman hears about this.” Ben could sense Kate’s distress, and her need to have the night and its latest events over. Her family was going to grill her forever if he didn’t take her home. First things first, however. “I’ll take her down to the station. She’ll be okay with me.” Peter nodded and turned back to his partner. “Make sure nothing happens to that scum bag. I want him to be in jail for years over this. Someone in the big house is going to love bending Leon over.” Ben walked toward his truck. Kate was shaking so hard he could feel it through the thick coat she wore. “Are you sure you’re alright, baby?” “I will be. Thank you, Ben. How did you know I was in trouble?” He paused then said the first thing that came to mind. “A little bird told me.” She shuddered again and Ben pulled her even tighter against him. “I can stay with you now, can’t I?” “Kate, I’m not about to let you out of my sight. I need you more now than I ever did.” He stopped and kissed her hard. Afterward, he looked her over just to make sure she really wasn’t hurt. “By the way, who is Uncle Haman?” “My Dad. He’s a lieutenant at the Twelfth Precinct.” Ben couldn’t help himself. He had to ask. “When we’re married, am I going to have to watch every single thing I do in this town? Is every relative in your family cruising the streets in a patrol car, or behind the desk at the P.D.? Don’t get me wrong, they came in mighty handy today, but damn! If we have a fight, I don’t know if I’d like your kin having guns.” Kate looked up at him in shock. “D-did you just propose?” “Yeah. I did. I love you, Kate Donahue. I never believed that falling for someone could happen so fast. But if you don’t marry me, I swear I’ll go nuts. You wouldn’t believe what I’ve been through the past couple of months and the last few weeks have been the weirdest of my life. Everything started falling into perfect place the day you told 63

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me to get my drunk act together. I don’t ever want to live a day without you in it. You hear me?” “Ben, this is crazy. I haven’t known you a week, but I love you, too.” She loosely put a hand over her mouth. “Will you give me a minute? I think I’m going to be sick.” Ben let her go when she ran to the nearest curb and threw up. “Asking you to marry me has that kind of effect?” he meekly asked. When she was through and found Ben wrapping his arms about her for support, Kate shook her head. “It’s just that every strange thing I could possibly imagine has happened since meeting you. I even thought I heard a voice talking to me.” Ben gently guided her to his truck and leaned her against it. He pushed her hair back with his hand and lifted Kate’s chin with an index finger. “What kind of voice, sweetheart?” “It was a girl. I heard her tell me to go see you again. Several times. Isn’t that the craziest thing you’ve ever heard? And please don’t tell anyone in my family. I’ll be locked up in my old bedroom forever. My parents will already be worried sick about what’s happened. They’re far too overprotective as it is.” Ben shook his head in disbelief. “Uh, I think I’m beginning to see the light.” “What?” Kate asked and took a deep breath to calm her nerves. “There was a residential fire about a year ago. A whole family died. Did you know those people?” “No. But I know the fire you’re talking about. I’ve been putting flowers on their graves every Sunday. There was no other family alive, according to the police records. I thought someone ought to at least put flowers in the cemetery for them. But what on Earth has that got to do with me hearing voices?” “Nothing. Not a thing,” he lied. “Well, maybe just a little. But I’ll tell you about what happened to me someday and you’ll understand.” The girl she’d heard had to be the same one his father had saved, and the same one Chris was now with. It was that simple. For some reason, a spirit had reached out to Kate the way Chris had reached out to him. What was happening between them was predestined. He was supposed to be with Kate and get on with his life. Kate pushed back her hair. “Can we go to the station now? I just want to get this over and go to bed with you.” Ben passed a shaky hand over his face. “Katydid, I can’t think of anything I’d rather do. I won’t make the mistake of sending you away again.” Without further comment, she got in his truck. *** 64

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Ben lay in the large, four-poster bed, holding Kate as she slept. He smiled while silently counting how many commandments they’d just broken. Downstairs, the old grandfather clock chimed midnight and Ben slipped into a relaxing sleep himself. For the first time in many months, his dreams were peaceful. He saw Chris running through a sunny meadow with a young girl with long blond hair. His parents, grandparents, aunts, and uncles were all there with assorted other relatives. Too many to name. In the distance on a hill, he saw the Victorian house with its peaceful, lovely garden. But it began to shimmer and fade away. And he somehow knew the house was as magical as his encounter with Chris had been. As Ben watched the house slip away from reality, he heard Chris’ voice. “After you leave it for good, the house will go where it needs to be. Even shift its shape, history and location to suit its owners. It sort of goes through time, finding other people who were hurting just like you were. It’ll drift around and connect others with loved ones who’ve passed on. And anyone connected with the place will only remember it vaguely. Like a shadow of something from the past. I’m part of your past now. But, unlike the house, always be around. Keeping watch. Have a good life, Ben. I should’ve said it when we were alive, but I’ll say it once more now...I love you.” In the dream, Ben looked around for Chris but couldn’t see him anymore. His younger brother was somewhere in the meadowy landscape, beyond his range of vision. He tried to respond with a vow of love in return, but couldn’t seem to speak. His emotions overcame him. Wherever Chris was now, he sounded happy. So did the girl with him. They laughed and the joyful ring of it faded away as did the illusion of the house. But he saw another house take its place. Another old Victorian mansion just like the one he and Kate slept within. The new house was a permanent fixture on the landscape. It was filled with young Murphys that he and Kate would bring into the world. And Donahues would be there to welcome them. Ben even saw himself with a set of captain’s insignias on his lapels. He knew what he was seeing was a view into the future. Perhaps the house was trying to show him what lay ahead. And he’d take his turn, as supervisor, and try to keep other firefighters alive. All the time, Kate would be beside him. They’d work with troubled kids and try to keep them from becoming sad statistics. Sometimes they’d succeed, other times they’d fail. But together they would keep trying. He slept on and held Kate closer. Loving her more every moment. Nothing was a coincidence. Everything happened for a reason. And, as the grandfather clock moved past midnight and ushered in a new day, it brought him a new life. In his sleep, Ben was finally able to whisper what he wanted to say. “Goodbye, Chris. I’ll always love you.” 65

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Author Bio

C.S. Chatterly, also known as, Candace Sams is an award winning author of paranormal romance, non-fiction and erotica.

See more of this authors works at www.venuspress.com

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