Fielder's Choice

FIELDER ’S CHOICE

…Jae exhaled along the back of Ty’s neck and heard him groan in response, giving Jae all the encouragement he needed. Eyes closed, Jae kissed the back of his neck, nuzzling him, inhaling his scent. He ran his hands down Ty’s hard chest and flat stomach while Ty placed his palm to Jae’s cheek. He turned his head just enough to suck the tip of Ty’s index finger and heard him draw in a harsh breath. Jae reached for his belt and wrestled with the buckle, then blindly fumbled with the button and zipper. Ty’s jeans slid down his hips and pooled at his knees for a moment as he shifted, attempting to kick his way out of them. Jae stifled a chuckle as he held onto Ty and kept him from toppling over. He grabbed him by the hips, his fingers sliding beneath the elastic waistband of his plaid boxers and onto hot, smooth flesh. God, he loved the feel of him, the definition of muscle and bone. He felt his way along Ty’s hips to his abdomen where he circled around his belly button, then slowly ventured lower, his breath trapped in his lungs as he anticipated Ty’s response. He rubbed the head of Ty’s dick with his fingertips, the hot, velvety smooth tip twitching for him. Sperm beaded at the slit, and Jae drew slow, careful circles along the tip with his thumb. Ty turned his head to the side and murmured something under his breath, while Jae gently gripped him at the top and ran his fingers slowly downward, feeling every inch of his long, stiff cock. Ty rose to the touch, leaning back into Jae’s body, their hips aligned. His legs spread wider as he balanced himself. Jae pushed his boxers down to his thighs and stroked him, his fingers lightly caressing his tight testicles and the base of his thick, hard penis…

ALSO BY GABRINA GARZA Adeno Almost Home The Catah Circle Caught Looking Circle Of Friends: All Fired Up Circle Of Friends: All Wet The Countess Of Suburbia Endangered Hot Phoenix Nights Jax And The Giant’s Bean Stalk Leading Man One Last Kiss The Pagan King Phantom Desires Playing With Magic, Book I: Hex On The Ex River Of Time: Dreamwalker River Of Time: Heart Of The Bear Sex Between Strangers Spirit Sanctuary Take Me Out Underneath It All Wide Open Spaces

FIELDER’S CHOICE BY GABRINA GARZA

AMBER Q UILL PRESS, LLC http://www.AmberQuill.com

FIELDER'S C HOICE AN AMBER QUILL PRESS BOOK This book is a work of fiction. All names, characters, locations, and incidents are products of the author’s imagination, or have been used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons living or dead, locales, or events is entirely coincidental. Amber Quill Press, LLC http://www.AmberQuill.com All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be transmitted or reproduced in any form, or by any means, without permission in writing from the publisher, with the exception of brief excerpts used for the purposes of review. Copyright © 2010 by Gabrina Garza ISBN 978-1-61124-037-5 Cover Art © 2010 Trace Edward Zaber

PUBLISHED IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA

FIELDER’S CHOICE

CHAPTER 1 Jae drove home with the music blaring and his foot hard on the gas pedal. He felt like driving all night long just to see where he ended up by dawn, but he knew Maria Sanchez waited up for him, worried he might be hungry, thirsty, in need of a blanket, or just need company. She was a fantastic hostess, incredibly caring and nurturing with homemade tortillas at the ready and plenty of food crammed into her olive green refrigerator. She and her husband Pete—he didn’t like being called Pedro— enjoyed simple comforts and believed in keeping things until they went bad or stopped working, not just replacing when it seemed outdated. Walking into their kitchen reminded him of old television shows with retro appliances that seemed to have taken on new lives. 1

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It was different, but not necessarily bad, other than he was a little creeped out by Maria washing his clothes. He’d been mortified when she’d not only ironed and folded all of his clothes, including his boxer shorts, but she had used a Lysol wipe to clean off his cup, which seemed like overdoing it. He lowered the radio volume as he approached their street and parked on the curb. The moment he cut the lights, he saw Mrs. Sanchez through the lace curtains and heard Trixie, her five pound Maltese, barking as though she could murder someone in her pink dress and sparkly bows. Mrs. Sanchez greeted him at the door with a plate of cookies and forced him into taking one before he retired to his room for the night. He didn’t feel like eating, but the whole house smelled like freshly baked cookies and he couldn’t resist. He wondered how she’d managed to make them so fast after the game. “Famous cookies make your batting average go up,” she promised. Trixie begged for attention, jumping around in circles at his feet while the bell on her collar jingled. “Batting average or weight?” She smiled with eyes as dark as the chocolate chips. “Maybe both.” “I better take some more.” Dimples creased her round face. “You are a sweet boy, Jason.” For whatever reason, she refused to call him Jae. “We are honored to have you stay with us.” “Thanks for having me.” With another smile, he took a couple more cookies off the plate and yawned, which instantly made her shoo him to his room for a good night’s sleep. She reminded him to brush and floss before she went back to the living room and Oprah, who had been left 2

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awkwardly paused on the flat screen television. With the antique clocks and furniture preserved with plastic, the flat screen seemed a little out of place, but Mrs. Sanchez and her little Maltese seemed to enjoy it. He changed into shorts and a T-shirt and reached for his cell phone, turning it on for the first time since the previous day. Immediately it vibrated and chimed with text messages and voice mails. His breath hitched as he saw Ty’s name pop up with a text message. For a long moment he hesitated, wanting to erase it without reading it, but curiosity got the best of him and he opened the message. A little red heart and a smiley face filled the line, sent at nine in the morning, probably when they were still in bed together. He stared at it until the screen faded to black, then hit the keypad to illuminate the message. He held his thumb over the call button, wondering what Ty was doing—and who he was doing it with. Jealousy wasn’t his thing and it pissed him off that he even cared. He didn’t wait around to be the next best thing, at least not anymore. Without thinking he pressed the call button and his heart thudded. The screen flashed “Call Ty?” in confirmation and he hesitated. Goddamn, had he become this needy where he had to hear the sound of his deep voice? He refused to give in just like that and tell Ty he wanted to start over. He didn’t want anything from Ty, no apologies, no begging to start over, not even anger. They were through. But still…he wanted something, even if he kept telling himself otherwise. It felt like for weeks now he’d been boiling, the heat 3

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turned up to the max, and now, without warning, it had been abruptly cut off. It was too late to place a call, he told himself, and besides he had nothing to say to him. Ty wasn’t over Jack, end of story. There was nothing he could do about that. He recognized the look in Ty’s eyes for Jack as the same look in Bryce’s eyes whenever he saw Andrew. It had been the same story, the we’re just old friends line. This time, he wasn’t going to buy it. He started to put the phone down but just couldn’t let go—in more ways than one. The rest of the season was going to suck with awkward silence and forced conversation, but he’d dealt with uncomfortable situations in the past and this wasn’t going to be much different. Besides, he doubted Ty would cause a scene given he was in the very back of the closet, afraid someone might question his sexuality. Suddenly that seemed incredibly irritating, and Jae finally exited the screen. Jae scrolled through his other messages. An old teammate of his was playing near Chicago and wanted to know if he had some downtime. His sister messaged him a picture of his niece at the zoo. Then in the car. Then taking a nap. A girl he worked with in the off season told him he was missed and wanted to know how he was doing. One of his cousins forwarded him a joke. Another old teammate congratulated him on his last few games. He didn’t reply to any of the twelve texts and didn’t bother to listen to his voice mails. Alone in his room, he didn’t feel like talking or listening to anyone. He wanted London to harass him with her inappropriate comments. He wanted to stretch out on the couch with a beer while watching ESPN. He wanted to feel as at home with his host family as he had with Ty and London. Unfortunately, he wanted Ty worse than he cared to admit. 4

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*

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The bedroom lights were still on when Jae woke up at five in the morning. The sun had barely crept above the horizon, the sky a shade of pink that threatened more rain. He could probably squeeze in a few miles of running if he got motivated and climbed out of bed, but he didn’t feel like moving. It seemed strange that a few weeks of sharing a bed with another man had become the norm. He missed the warmth of Ty’s body and the sound of his heavy breathing. He missed how peaceful he looked, the rough stubble and soft lips, and his strong arms partially hidden beneath his pillow. He forced himself up, brushed his teeth, and started his morning routine. He needed to run, to push himself a little farther than necessary until his lungs ached and adrenaline pumped through his veins. The moment he pulled on his running shoes he thought of how ridiculous Ty looked while jogging. He wasn’t a smooth, graceful runner; he looked like a fish with tennis shoes, flopping around on dry land. And there Ty was again, clogging up his mind. Jae couldn’t remember if he’d felt this way when he broken up with Bryce almost a year ago. Of course with all of their on-again, off-again drama, toward the end he’d just wanted to push him off a cliff with his so-called best friend. That had been his longest relationship and by far his biggest regret. While he traveled from city to city playing ball, Bryce constantly called and texted him about how he wasn’t sure they should be together, then how he couldn’t live without him and wanted him naked in bed. Every night back home had been wild, 5

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rough, and satisfying, followed by a morning of harsh words and Bryce storming out because he couldn’t cope with Jae’s schedule. They’d gone back and forth, the yin and yang of stupidity and lust. Thank God they hadn’t shared a place. It had been a while since he’d thought about Bryce, which hadn’t been easy. Being with him had been mentally and physically exhausting, but a sick obsession. Looking back, he had no idea why in the hell he’d stayed with him. In the nine months they’d officially been together, Jae routinely showed up to the clubhouse fatigued in every way possible. His arms and legs were always bruised, his back covered in scratches, from Bryce’s over-the-top sex positions and attempts at bondage, which seemed forced. He took up jogging as a way to decompress from the constant I love you, never leave, to the get out of my face before I kill you routine. He blamed his schedule in the beginning, knowing not everyone wanted to be involved with someone gone off and on for the summer and often through winter leagues. He’d never held steady, long-term relationships because he moved from city to city and it never worked out. He’d met Bryce around the same time he’d signed another contract with the Tornadoes and his career only seemed to be going up. Scouts from the Royals, Marlins, and A’s farm teams came to see him and Jae couldn’t wait to get to Bryce’s house and share the good news. He was a step closer to The Show, to going from affiliated ball to the major leagues. Bryce had no idea what any of it meant, and as much as it frustrated him, Jae accepted that his partner just wasn’t a sports fan. There were worse things in the world and he could live with it. When they were apart, it seemed like hell, and when they were 6

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together, mind-blowing sex that was always different kept him coming back for more. He was a fantastic lay, no doubt about that. Bryce wanted it deeper, harder, and longer each time they were together. He’d dress in leather, beg Jae to dominate him, or bring out new toys. That was the part he liked, coming back to something different, even though it felt like being with a different guy every home stand. Jae couldn’t remember his mind ever racing faster than his feet, but the farther he went, the more he stopped paying attention to the streets and the neighborhood. It took him an hour before he had no idea where the hell he was from the Sanchez’s house on Barton. He ran through downtown, past little shops, a bakery, and a pizza place, then rounded the corner toward the elementary school and up and down the next few blocks. The humidity made it difficult to breathe and he stopped at a drinking fountain that barely sputtered water. He took a break on a park bench and watched kids with bulky pads beneath their jerseys playing football while he attempted to mentally turn himself in the right direction. “Hey.” Jae froze. Ty. He turned and found Zember squinting at him. At his side was a Zember-type dog—something slobbery and rippling with muscles that just so happened to be peeing on a tree. It looked kind of like a Rottweiler, only wrinkly. “Hey.” “What are you doing here?” “Running. Well, taking a break from running.” “Ah. Fuck that shit.” Zember, classy as always, looked around 7

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the park and spit something up that could have very well been a hairball. “You ran all the way from your place here? Goddamn that’s far.” “A few blocks.” He shrugged. “You’re shacked up with Parker, ain’t you? That’s like three miles from here, dude.” Jae shifted his weight. “No, I’m not there anymore.” “Seriously?” “Yeah, it worked out fine short-term, but I needed more space. Too crowded over there with his girlfriend and all,” he blurted out, feeling like a criminal under interrogation. “Huh. Where you at now?” It surprised him that Zember didn’t question him more, but he wasn’t going to push it. “Sanchez.” Zember immediately smiled. “Nice. They make some sweet ass food over there at Casa del Sanchez. You struck gold.” “Yeah, a little too good. I sort of feel like Hansel.” Zember furrowed his brow. “Who the fuck is Hansel? You mean Hanson? The guy on the Oilers? I can’t stand that guy. Crowds the plate every damn time. I swear to God I am going to hit him in the ear at some point” “No Hansel and Gretel.” Jae wasn’t sure why he was trying to explain. “The witch, the oven, eating the kids…” “Dude, you have some serious issues. I think you just had a stroke.” He laughed so hard he nearly doubled over. “I gotta get Chaos home and feed him.” He grabbed the dog’s oversized lips and kissed him and the giant beast nearly swallowed Zember’s head. “Have fun running.” “If I find the Sanchez’s house again.” Zember shook his head. “You’re like a block away.” He paused 8

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and smiled. “Oh, you were kidding, weren’t you? Funny, Wise, real funny.” Zember snapped his fingers and chuckled to himself. “You’re a Wise guy.” Jae grunted. Thank God Zember was good at something. Maybe when he retired he could go into professional wrestling or some other sport that would utilize his bulk. “Yeah. Hilarious.” *

*

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Jae rode the elevator down to the clubhouse alone and held his breath when the doors opened, afraid he’d see Ty first. He scanned the hall and the door to the locker room briefly before he walked in to the usual poker matches between pitchers and McNamee in his pregame ritual of standing in the corner listening to some ragefilled music blaring through his headphones. “Where’s Parker?” Mueller asked. “Beats me.” Mueller furrowed his brow. “You live with him, don’t you?” “I got a host family,” he said, hoping for the same lack of interest Zember had shown. Mueller shrugged it off and Jae walked past him and listened to bits and pieces of conversation as he dressed. He noticed Ty walk in just as he finished tying his shoelaces. Their eyes met briefly, and as quickly as Ty greeted him with a smile, he retracted and looked the other way as though he suddenly remembered they weren’t together. Jae watched him for a moment, wanting to say something but not in the middle of a crowded locker room. Following the lead of Cook and Cogan, he left the locker room without a word and took batting practice with the rest of the team while a group of kids out for a birthday party screamed 9

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for home runs and foul balls. They kept their distance while warming up, communicating on the field as necessary but nothing more. Every time Ty threw him the ball, he felt him staring a little longer than necessary. He missed their usual back and forth banter as they tossed the ball and stretched along the left field line. He missed calling Ty “grandpa” and jogging at a slower pace than usual along the warning track. Instead of stretching with Ty, he stood next to Klein and ran a lap with Guererro, who looked straight ahead and never said a word, unlike Ty who couldn’t stop bitching about the brief run. Jae looked toward the stands and all he could think of was Jack Bowen’s car parked in the driveway. He’d sat in his car long enough to know it hadn’t started with a quick, meaningless conversation. They’d sat there for several minutes, and as he stepped out of the car to figure out what was going on, he’d seen Jack lean over and kiss Ty. He hadn’t put up a fight, and his excuses after the fact reminded him too much of Bryce. We were just talking. He’s a friend. God, Jae, you’re so fucking paranoid. You’re just insecure and untrusting. He’d been through lies and cheating before and refused to do it again. Every time the phone rang and Bryce stepped out of the room, he wondered who garnered his full attention. Every time a text came through, he wanted to lean over and read the message. Every time he walked into Bryce’s apartment, he swore he smelled another man’s cologne. Paranoia seemed like an understatement. They’d had nothing in common, but for nine months, Jae had poured every part of his heart into making it work. When it hadn’t, he felt like he’d done something wrong to make Bryce look for 10

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someone else. For someone who hated sports, baseball season and grueling schedule was more than Bryce could tolerate. Maybe it was more than most people could tolerate. Meeting Ty had made those fears disappear…at least for a few weeks. “Hey.” Marconi nudged him as they stood along the baseline in front of the dugout. It was too late for him to take to the field like he was supposed to and stand with Ty and Ott, who was playing first today. “Hats off. National Anthem.” Jae swiped his hat off as a trio of girls from a local choir sang the National Anthem. As the crowd erupted in cheers, the sirens blared and he ran onto the field with his glove in hand. From the corner of his eye he watched Ty kick at the dirt and hit his mitt with his fist three times in a row as he always did. The first half of the inning passed slowly, with Glenn walking an unusually high number of batters. With runners on first and third, the fourth batter up foul tipped six times in a row and held the count at three-two for what felt like a half hour. The announcer ran through the gamut of sound effects from broken windows to bombs exploding before the hitter finally popped up to right field. They came back with nothing in the bottom of the first. Or the second. Or the third. The Huskies continuously got on base but never capitalized, while errors and getting tagged out stealing made for three messy, groan-worthy innings for the Arsenals. Ty went up to bat in the fourth with nobody on and managed two strikes in a row on bad pitches. “What in the hell is he swinging at?” Marconi said under his breath. Ty regrouped and stepped back into the batter’s box. Jae stood on the dugout steps while Mueller took practice swings and a woman in an Arsenals jersey stood right up to the net and took 11

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pictures. From the corner of his eye, Jae watched her leaning forward, the flash going off several times in a row that seemed annoying and distracting. Watching her, he almost missed Ty swing the bat with such fluid grace he looked like he was posing for a baseball card. He connected with the pitch and immediately everyone in the dugout stood, responding to the sound of wood meeting leather. “Get outta here,” Ansen urged. “Go, go, go,” Ott said under his breath. The wind gave it an extra push and sent the ball high into the air and over the fence, just barely missing the flags in left field. Half the team suddenly stood on the stairs, pushing and shoving as the sirens blared and Ty rounded the bases. Zember made it to Ty first and lifted him right off the ground in a massive bear hug. Players patted him on the head and back, fist bumped, and did their usual handshakes. By the time Ty spotted Jae, he was high off the excitement from the crowd. “Nice hit,” Jae said. Ty grabbed his hat and seated himself next to Navato and Massaro. “Thanks,” he said as almost an afterthought. Jae looked at him for a moment, then awkwardly walked away when it became obvious there would be no conversation between them. “Ten minutes of extra sleep did you good,” Massaro said. “You should show up late every day.” Zember moved in between Ty and Massaro and put his arm around his former roommate. “And you said you were gonna quit.” Ty gave him a sideways look. “I will if you don’t move your fat ass over.” Zember forced Cogan to move to the end of the bench and 12

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spread his legs. “The team wouldn’t be the same without you.” Mueller went up to bat and Jae walked from the dugout to the batting circle. He looked back at Ty, who was still talking to Zember, and wondered what that was all about. Mueller swung on the first pitch and ran like hell to first. He would have been out if the shortstop hadn’t thrown the ball five feet over the first baseman’s head. The ball landed in the Oiler’s dugout and a group of guys behind the plate, who had been heckling louder with every beer, started yelling out “E six! E six!” to the shortstop. Jae shrugged several times in a row, his shoulders tight. He hit the tip of his bat on the top and bottom of home plate and stood in waiting for the pitch. The pitcher worked fast, delivering two breaking balls right down the middle for called strikes. They were both the same pitch he’d given to Ty, but with much different results. “Do we need to spell it out for you?” Doc called. Someone had given him an Arsenals plastic megaphone, which really seemed unnecessary. He had a big enough mouth and wasn’t afraid to use it. “Swing. The. Bat. Son.” Jae took a breath and stood in again. The pitch came faster than he expected and the ump called him out. For a moment he stood there and stared at the plate while the crowd groaned in frustration. He carried his bat back to the dugout, passing Ott on the way back to his seat. “Same pitch all three times,” he muttered under his breath as he put his batting helmet away and retrieved his hat and glove. Just as he sat, Ott hit a line drive—off the same damn pitch—and managed a double. The rest of the game treated him no better and by the end of it 13

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he was 0-4 with his strike out, a pop up, grounding out, and reaching on an error. Ty and Marconi had nothing but luck and reached base every time, both of them driving in runs for a seven to two victory. With Ty hitting a home run and then getting a double, a single, and patiently having the reliever in the eighth inning walk him, he was called up to the press box for an after game interview. Jae showered and changed without saying much to the rest of the players. His back and shoulders felt tight and a tension headache began to throb between his eyes. After a few weeks of playing at his very best, the night had been a huge disappointment. He managed to slip out before Ty came down from his radio interview, deciding he didn’t want to confront him. He walked out the back door and signed a few autographs while London waited by the door with her arms crossed. She smiled when she saw him and tugged on his sleeve as the last fans left for the night. “I miss you,” she offered. “I bet you say that to all the guys,” he retorted. “Sometimes I think you just read my mind.” He grunted. “There are some scary things going on in there.” “You should have seen it when you were up to bat.” Jae cringed. Leave it to London to tell him he sucked. “Yeah, not my best outing.” “Just don’t make it a habit. Of course, Ty finally stopped sucking.” He paused and turned to walk to his car, refusing to have the conversation gravitate toward Ty. “Yeah, I saw that.” “Better luck next time,” she said. “Thanks.” London didn’t try to stop him, and as he crossed the street he 14

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heard the steel door open and shut followed by Ty’s voice. Jae tightened his grip on his bag but refused to look back. He didn’t want to see him as he walked away, didn’t want to think about how much he just wanted to hear his voice and see him smile. Three hours on the field, standing less than ninety feet away, was more than he could tolerate. He stood outside his car and awkwardly fished for his keys, feeling like a dumbass as he patted himself down and came up with nothing. Dropping his duffle bag on the ground, he tried the door with the off chance he’d left his keys in the ignition. He hadn’t. From the corner of his eye he noticed Ty and London waiting for a gray squad car to drive past so they could cross the street. His heart began to pound as he considered asking them for a ride or calling Mrs. Sanchez. His keys may as well have been vaporized. The headlights flashed as London pressed the remote and they headed toward Ty’s car, neither of them looking in Jae’s direction. They spoke too low for him to catch any part of their conversation. “Hey,” he called out louder than necessary. They were five empty car spaces away. London turned and cocked her head to the side, waiting for him to elaborate. Ty was already sitting in the passenger seat, slouched so low he reminded Jae of a turtle. “I can’t find my keys.” She ducked her head and looked at Ty, who leaned toward her. With the window up on the passenger side, Jae couldn’t hear what he said but guessed it was something like so what? “Check your duffle bag.” Jae furrowed his brow. He picked up the bag and shook it, instantly hearing the jingle of metal at the bottom. With a heavy sigh he unzipped the bag and dug through sweaty clothing until he 15

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found them. “Thanks,” he shouted. London shook her head and smiled. “Goober.” Without another word, she and Ty drove off. Jae stood outside his car for a long moment and stared at the empty parking lot. He wondered if Ty had seen him drop them in there but remembered he’d shown up late. Maybe he just knew him too well, knew what he would do better than Jae knew himself. Realistically it had probably been a lucky guess. Finally he turned the key in the ignition and headed back to his host family, wishing that Ty knew his insecurities and how badly he wanted to believe in fidelity and love—and how he just couldn’t erase the image of him with Jack. At the first red light he took out his cell phone and scrolled through the numbers. Bryce was still in there, somehow managing to survive the handful of mass deleting he’d gone through over long team bus rides. He had no intention of ever speaking to Bryce again, not after their history together, but he kept his number there. For six months it had been a bitter reminder, then for three months it had been an accomplishment. Now he was just there, ten months later, the other half of an intense and frustrating relationship. Looking at the number now and the tiny, grainy picture of Bryce with his spiked black hair and crystal blue eyes brought back a whirlwind of questions. He wondered how many times Andrew had come over to Bryce’s place. He wanted to know if Andrew ever slipped in while he was at home games or if Bryce at least waited for long road trips. He’d constantly gone through the scenarios, wondering how they had met and who had initiated the relationship. 16

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Most of all, he wondered how much time had to pass before he didn’t want to know why Bryce had cheated on him. No answer would suffice, but he just wanted to know. He deserved to know what he couldn’t give to his partner, what made him look elsewhere. The driver behind him laid on the horn and Jae stepped on the gas. The guy turned the corner before he could flip him off for his impatience. His tires squealed, the car wrenching to the right, then to the left before he finally pulled straight onto the road and over the railroad tracks. There were never enough streetlights and the road became an empty tunnel, the houses set far back on the road and hiding in the darkness. He drove with his hands wrapped tight around the steering wheel and the past on his mind. If he kept going, maybe he’d be as lost as he felt. *

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Ansen left a message on Jae’s phone early the next morning that practice was cancelled and players weren’t due at the stadium until five. With the day left open, Jae forced himself to stay in bed longer than usual and stared at the ceiling. Five minutes passed and he couldn’t do it anymore. Without another man in bed, just lying there served no purpose. Late night television meant his host family slept in, including Trixie. He sat alone at the kitchen table and drank a glass of whole milk, the only thing available in the fridge besides water and a bottle of wine. Nothing else piqued his interest. He played Bejeweled on his phone for what ended up being just over an hour. His thumbs ached by the time he forced himself 17

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to get up and do something else. Just as he set the phone down, it vibrated on the kitchen table. Jae squinted at the screen. It was ten in the morning but he’d received a text from Ty. Either the message had been delayed and he’d sent it last night or he was up early—or at least early for him. Can we talk? He stared at the message for a moment, unsure of how he should respond. Deep inside he wanted to do more than talk. He wanted to touch him, taste his skin and hear his voice. There was no denying the sudden heavy thump of his heart the moment he saw Ty’s name on the screen with a little baseball as his picture icon. About? He couldn’t believe how nervous he felt waiting for Ty’s response, like a kid with a crush whose world revolved around another person. He imagined Ty stretched out in bed with his phone above his head typing away. Upstairs, the bedroom door opened and closed. Mrs. Sanchez told Trixie to wait a moment and she would take her out to potty. The dog’s collar jingled with town tags and a little bell as she ran down the stairs, barking nonstop on her way to the back door. Jae leaned back and opened the sliding glass door, watching as she shot out into the yard and warned the neighborhood with her highpitched yipe, yipe, yipe. His phone chimed and he hit the retrieve message button. Us. Jae’s first thought was there is no us, but he sat back and thought of a way to reply. Unlike Bryce, giving Ty the cold shoulder seemed impossible. He tried to tell himself it was because they had to play together for the rest of the season, but he couldn’t 18

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deny how he felt inside. He wanted him again, wanted their relationship to be perfect and easy as it had been when they first met. Yeah. He pressed send even though he had so much more to say to him. Where? Meet me? Mrs. Sanchez hummed as she came down the stairs in a red, white, and blue robe. She let the dog back in and asked Jae if he wanted coffee, to which he shook his head. Jae considered Ty’s words. Your place? Almost immediately his phone buzzed. Yes. He tilted the screen toward his body while Mrs. Sanchez brewed coffee and toasted a bagel, which she loaded with fat free cream cheese. She slid a plate in front of him with wheat toast and honey butter slathered all over the top and asked how many sausage links and eggs he wanted. Every morning she tried to kill him with tempting food while she told him she was on a strict diet to lose weight for her daughter’s wedding. “I’m fine. I think I’m going out for breakfast,” he said so he didn’t hurt her feelings. He took a bite of the toast anyway since honey butter on wheat was pretty damn close to orgasmic bliss. During the season he tried to watch what he ate, but some foods were just too good. Mrs. Sanchez smiled knowingly. “Some young lady out there is very lucky.” He raised a brow and looked up at her. “Luck would be finding someone who can cook like you.” A wide grin spread across her round face. “Oh, Jason, you are just a charmer. No wonder all the girls in the stadium swoon 19

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whenever you’re up to bat.” “Swoon, eh?” He stood and put his phone in his back pocket, then took another bite of toast. “If I were twenty again, I’d be right there with them.”

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CHAPTER 2 After he showered and dressed, Jae drove to Ty and London’s with different scenarios buzzing through his head. He imagined Ty meeting him at the door and a meaningful conversation followed by hot sex taking up the afternoon. He imagined Ty struggling to find the right words as they sat in the kitchen and sorted through feelings, but he already knew that wasn’t about to happen. He wouldn’t let it. Long, dramatic conversations were a Bryce thing. As much as he wanted the day to go smoothly, he already felt the slightest hint of anger the moment he turned onto the right street and spotted the house they’d shared. That feeling refused to be ignored, though he tried to be honest and open to whatever Ty had to say. He thought about just completely erasing everything that had 21

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happened and going back to the morning after their date, when he’d awakened and couldn’t imagine a more perfect relationship. For the first time in his life he had someone who complemented his lifestyle from his occupation to his sense of humor. Maybe they weren’t on the same sleep schedule, but being with Ty had been so incredibly easy, like all of his life he’d been waiting to slip into rhythm with him. Pulling into the driveway, he hesitated and stared at the white garage door, wondering if London was at work. He couldn’t decide if he wanted to be alone with Ty or needed the buffer of someone else in the house. Jae waited for the song on the radio to end before he pulled his keys from the ignition and walked up to the porch. He stared at the door for a moment, harnessing as much emotion as he could before he faced Ty. This was going to become a competition of who let down their guard first. He rang the doorbell and heard a door shut somewhere inside the house. Footsteps padded down the stairs and through the frosted glass door, he could see Ty’s outline, his shoulders slumped and head bent. An unfamiliar face greeted him. Dark circles under his gray eyes and a tense expression made Ty into a zombie. He looked like he’d stayed up all night, which was definitely not something he did voluntarily. After an awkward moment of silence, Ty managed a weak smile and stepped back. “Hey,” Ty said as he ushered him in. His voice sounded different, weaker and less certain. “Hey,” Jae replied. Ty shut the door and sighed. His gaze dropped to the floor and he crossed his arms. The theme song for ESPN played on the 22

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television downstairs, creating the only sound within the house. “You had a great game yesterday,” Jae said when the silence became uncomfortable. “Thanks.” He looked Ty over, remembering how weary he’d looked the first time they’d met. Arriving at the hotel before the team thanks to his paranoid and extra early brother, he’d sat waiting for his assigned roommate. Knowing very little about the team, he’d looked over the roster online and scanned through the twenty-one players on the site, each time coming back to Ty Parker. When he’d walked out of the shower—completely naked—and found Ty in the room, he’d been pleasantly surprised and mortified. He hadn’t heard him walk in or he would have put on a towel before strolling out of the bathroom. The moment their eyes met, Jae had felt attraction like he couldn’t believe. He knew by the way Ty had checked him out, his gaze lingering in all the right places, that he felt the same. In a split second, Jae didn’t just want him, he knew without a doubt he would have him. “Wish I would have hit half as good,” Jae commented. Ty shrugged. “You’re still top in the league standings.” Again the conversation stopped and Jae looked around at what suddenly felt like unfamiliar territory. He regretted stopping by and wished he’d just told Ty he was fine texting back and forth, where long pauses meant just putting the phone down and going on with life. Ty took a deep breath and shifted his weight, drawing Jae’s attention. “I have so much I want to say,” he mumbled, his gaze quickly falling. “But it all sounds stupid and cliché.” 23

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“You could just text me,” Jae offered. “Then you don’t have to say it.” Ty missed the humor and shrugged. “I’m no good at typing. Besides,” he paused. “I wanted to see you.” The feeling was mutual, as much as Jae didn’t want to admit it. He stared at Ty, remembering how their conversation had gone while they stood in line for the Ferris wheel at Navy Pier. One perfect night seemed so long ago. The city lights making up the unforgettable skyline, the party boats docked along the edge of the pier, and the darkness of the lake itself surrounded them. Up above the city, where no one could see them, Jae had planned on making it a memorable night. “You see me every day,” Jae said. Ty gritted his teeth. “You’re right. Forget it.” He turned away, but Jae grabbed him by the shoulders, his fingers digging into corded muscle. For a long moment they stood that way, Ty’s head bent down, his body heaving with deep, hard breaths. He smelled like dryer sheets and his own familiar musk— clean, warm and sexy just as Jae remembered, just as he craved. “Don’t say anything,” Jae rasped as he leaned into Ty’s body and ran his hands down his arms, gripping his hands momentarily. Ty squeezed back and for the moment it felt as though nothing had happened, like they hadn’t skipped a beat. He exhaled along the back of Ty’s neck and heard him groan in response, giving Jae all the encouragement he needed. Eyes closed, Jae kissed the back of his neck, nuzzling him, inhaling his scent. He ran his hands down Ty’s hard chest and flat stomach while Ty placed his palm to Jae’s cheek. He turned his head just enough to suck the tip of Ty’s index finger and heard him draw in a harsh breath. 24

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Jae reached for his belt and wrestled with the buckle, then blindly fumbled with the button and zipper. Ty’s jeans slid down his hips and pooled at his knees for a moment as he shifted, attempting to kick his way out of them. Jae stifled a chuckle as he held onto Ty and kept him from toppling over. He grabbed him by the hips, his fingers sliding beneath the elastic waistband of his plaid boxers and onto hot, smooth flesh. God, he loved the feel of him, the definition of muscle and bone. He felt his way along Ty’s hips to his abdomen where he circled around his belly button, then slowly ventured lower, his breath trapped in his lungs as he anticipated Ty’s response. He rubbed the head of Ty’s dick with his fingertips, the hot, velvety smooth tip twitching for him. Sperm beaded at the slit, and Jae drew slow, careful circles along the tip with his thumb. Ty turned his head to the side and murmured something under his breath, while Jae gently gripped him at the top and ran his fingers slowly downward, feeling every inch of his long, stiff cock. Ty rose to the touch, leaning back into Jae’s body, their hips aligned. His legs spread wider as he balanced himself. Jae pushed his boxers down to his thighs and stroked him, his fingers lightly caressing his tight testicles and the base of his thick, hard penis. Ty reached down, his hand gently resting over Jae’s knuckles. He followed Jae’s movements, guiding him in shorter, quicker strokes while Jae ran the tip of his tongue along the column of his neck. Harsh, ragged breaths left Ty’s parted lips and he turned his head, reaching back to touch Jae’s cheek. Their eyes met briefly before Jae looked down, focusing on the reddened mark still left on Ty’s shoulder when he was hit by a pitch. That had happened before he’d found Ty and Jack together, 25

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before everything about their relationship had changed. Jae struggled to move past that moment, but he couldn’t shake the thought. Ty turned to face him, running his hands up Jae’s arms to his shoulders. He gripped him, his gray eyes searching Jae’s face. He leaned in, and as their lips brushed together, Jae turned his head and Ty kissed his cheek instead. Both of them froze and Jae knew the connection had disappeared. The distance between them widened even though neither of them had moved. He closed his eyes and swallowed, unsure of what to say or do. He wanted to erase everything he knew about Jack Bowen and just have Ty all to himself, but that wasn’t an option. Suddenly Ty stepped back and pulled up his boxers, his penis pressing against the cotton fabric. He ran his fingers through his hair and took a deep breath. “What’s wrong?” he whispered. He started to reach for Jae but reconsidered and allowed his hand to fall to his side. Jae swallowed. “Nothing.” Confusion clouded Ty’s gaze. “Then… why did you turn away?” Jae placed his fists on his hips and whipped around, staring at the closed door. He wanted to kick it down and storm out, leaving Ty behind for good. This had been a mistake, a horrible, stupid mistake. Anger flared inside of him, but it had nothing to do with Ty. “Jae,” Ty murmured. “Look, do you want to fuck or not?” he snapped. Ty didn’t reply, and when Jae bothered to look in his direction he stared at the back of Ty’s head. He’d pulled his jeans up and 26

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had already secured his belt. From the corner of his eye he looked at Jae, his gentle, even expression exchanged for frustration. “I don’t want this,” he said under his breath. Jae watched him walk out of the room and thought about all the times Bryce had walked away from him, blaming Jae for his own infidelity. It was his fault he was on the road for weeks at a time. It was his fault he came back from three weeks on a bus, traveling the Midwest and east coast and was too exhausted to keep his eyes open when he reached Bryce’s apartment. They didn’t have enough sex, or the right kind of sex, or the kind of sex that Bryce found satisfying. It was his fault Bryce had found Andrew and then Scott and then Tony. Everything had been his fault because he wasn’t there, not physically or emotionally. It was physically his fault. Mentally. Emotionally. In every way he could be the villain, Bryce had assured him he was the one who had ruined their relationship. He wasn’t a good lover. He wasn’t a good partner. He wasn’t a good friend or conversationalist. He talked too much about sports and not enough about music or movies that were so far underground that only the dead knew they existed. He wasn’t a good anything. He was alone because he was the wrong kind of person, the piece that didn’t fit into the rest of the puzzle. Somehow, no matter how much he wanted to forget Bryce, he couldn’t shake the way his last partner had made him feel. Jae stood in silence, wanting to follow Ty but not sure if he was welcomed in his house. His stomach churned, chaos thrumming through his veins. With nothing else to do, he wandered out of the house and back to his car where he sat and stared at the dashboard. A Tom Petty song played on the radio. He knew the song well, and the lyrics always reminded him of Bryce. Something about the 27

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way Petty and Stevie Nicks sang together haunted him. I’m an insider, I’ve been burned by the fire. I’ve had to live with some hard promises, I’ve crawled through the briar. He wanted to tell Ty he trusted him and believed him, but he’d dealt with too much drama and crap in the past to do it again. He wanted to tell Ty he needed more than a fuck buddy. He was over meaningless relationships and pointless fights. He didn’t want someone to set expectations for him or tell him he was always wrong. He couldn’t do it. He wouldn’t live like that again. In the past couple of weeks, he knew exactly what he wanted in a relationship. He wanted someone who could talk all damn day and night about college football, baseball, and soccer, who lived and breathed the playing field and didn’t care about movies unless they were funny, action-packed, or classic. He wanted to sit on the couch and just enjoy the company or lie in bed and enjoy the view. But he hadn’t told him that when he had the chance. He hadn’t done a goddamn thing. Putting the car into reverse, he hated himself for letting the past creep into the present. Ty wasn’t anything like Bryce, thank God, and as he drove back to his host family, Jae was pretty sure he had no idea who in the hell he’d become. All he knew was it wasn’t the person he wanted to be.

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CHAPTER 3 After weeks of heat and humidity, the temperature turned strangely cool at game time. Ty avoided Jae while Jae attempted to make eye contact with him through batting practice, warm ups, and the National Anthem. He gave up once the game started and took his place at the end of the dugout near the stairs, half-listening as Armstrong and Marconi talked about two women sitting behind the plate. Mueller took practice swings while Ty stood in the batter’s box and waited for the first pitch. The first pitch was high and Ty calmly stood back and waited for the pitcher to wind up and deliver. The second pitch was low and just missed being a strike, which drew groans from the visitor’s dugout. Ahead of the count, Ty didn’t flinch as the next 29

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pitch sent the catcher scrambling to grab it above his head. He swung on the fourth pitch, sending a line drive deep into center field where it hit high on the wall and bounced onto the warning track. The center fielder was slow to retrieve it and Ty sprinted around the bases, standing at third while the infielders waited for the ball to be thrown back in. “Send him home, Mule,” Armstrong said as Mueller headed to home plate and Jae walked to the batter’s circle and took a few practice swings. Mueller swung like a caveman and fouled the ball out of play twice. Jae couldn’t figure out what he was looking for and neither could Mueller, who quickly struck out. Jae walked to the plate and glanced quickly at Ty, who was talking to their third base coach. All he needed to do was get a hit and bring in a run. “Nothing fancy,” Doc reminded him. “Don’t be a hero, son. Get a hit. Just a hit.” The first pitch almost hit him in the ear. He swayed back just in time and the crowd booed, their comments directed at the pitcher and the umpire. He just stepped in when the pitcher delivered a sinker ball right at his knees for a called strike. Shaking his head at himself, he waited for the next pitch, this time a breaking ball, and fell behind in the count with another strike. Ty stood a few feet off the bag and watched him, dared him to strike out and leave him stranded and waiting for Ott to come up to bat. He watched him from the corner of his eye and swung, making contact with the ball. He hit it a mile high, but as he dashed to first, he knew it was out of play and into the stands on first base side. He rounded back to home and picked up his bat. 30

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He forced the pitcher to throw to him and fouled it straight back two more times until he could see it in his eyes that he was getting tired of waiting for Jae to go back to the dugout. He managed to hit a ground ball straight to the second baseman, who fielded it cleanly but hurried to get rid of the ball and threw it over the catcher’s head. Ty slid into home and the sirens blared while Jae took off his helmet and smoothed back his hair as Ott and Ty bumped fists. If nothing else, at least they still played well. The inning ended with a double play and Jae handed his batting helmet to the third base coach while he stood by the foul line and waited to see if Ty would bring him his hat and glove. McNamee did instead, giving Jae no excuse to compliment Ty on his hit. Once again they were robotic on the field, playing their parts with nothing extra involved. With his mind on Ty, he missed an easy ground ball, which rolled into the outfield where Ott fielded it and threw to second even though the batter was easily safe. He took a breath and tried to focus on the field even though the only thing on his mind was Ty and their earlier conversation. Capitalizing at every turn up to bat, Ty refused to leave his thoughts. He followed up his triple with a two-run homer, walked and scored thanks to McNamee, and finished with a sac fly that secured the win. He ended the game surrounded by the rest of the team before the announcer called him up to the press box for another post-game interview. The spread, tacos, looked greasy and disgusting. After living with Mrs. Sanchez, he’d become a little spoiled with Mexican food and opted to shower and split after the game. Burgers loaded with 31

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onions and cheese sounded good and he left as soon as he dressed. He ordered through the drive-thru and pulled his car around to the side where he sat and decided to eat his food alone. If he wasn’t a loser before, he’d earned the title now. Two of his onion rings fell onto the floor and he opened his door to toss them out. Just as he did, another car pulled up next to him and instantly ran over the rings. He nursed his extra-large Cherry Coke and stared at the hedges in front of his car, wishing he ate slower. One of the girls working the counter brought out a bag of food to the car next to him, drawing his attention. He glanced over at a group of teenagers who grabbed their food and immediately left the parking lot with tires squealing and speakers blaring. From the corner of his eye he could feel someone staring at him and turned toward the passenger side. Ty didn’t look away fast enough and they stared at each other briefly. For a moment he forgot they weren’t on speaking terms and smiled, but Ty looked away first and fumbled to start the car. Jae could tell he had every intention of getting the hell out of there. “Damn it,” Jae said under his breath. He balled his hand into a fist and meant to lightly hit the edge of the steering wheel. Instead he hit the center and the car released a pathetic, half-heart honk. Ty turned and looked at him while he put the car in reverse. “Sorry,” Jae mouthed. Ty squinted and rolled the window down. “What?” Jae tossed the rest of his food on the passenger side and climbed out of the car. “I said I’m sorry.” He nodded and started to roll up the window, but Jae stepped toward him and he froze. Jae pursed his lips and bent forward, peering into the dark interior. A thousand times before this he’d 32

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approached Bryce with his head down and begged for another chance to make things right. He’d never been sure why he was the one to make the apology—until now. “Can we talk?” Ty stared past him. “I think we already tried that.” The words stung, but Jae nodded. He wasn’t sure what else he could do, but he had to do something. “Can we try talking again?” “I’ve reached my capacity for effort today,” he said. The car started to roll backward and Jae stood upright, his heart pounding as his chance slipped away. “What about tomorrow?” Jae called out. “I don’t know anything about tomorrow,” he said before he drove off. *

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“These girls aren’t any good for you,” Mrs. Sanchez said as he walked into a late-night bakery bonanza. Wearing a pink apron, she rolled out dough and gave him a warning look. “And you missed dinner.” “I know. Trust me, what I ate was nowhere near your caliber.” She smiled. At least someone was easy to please. “You’re right.” So maybe she wasn’t modest, but she had a right to brag over her spicy chili relleno dripping with melted cheese and stuffed with shredded chicken. “I saved you leftovers, Jason. Only for my favorite son.” He gave her shoulder a squeeze as he passed through the kitchen. “I know what I’m having for breakfast then.” “You promise me a home run and I’ll make brownies.” “Make it two home runs. I’m feeling confident.” 33

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She shook a flour-covered finger at him. “No more girls. Your head is off your shoulders when girls are involved.” He nodded. “You have intuition, Mrs. S.” She grunted. “Maybe if you spent more time with Ty Parker some of his magic would rub off on you. He’s been hot lately. I don’t know what’s gotten into him, but he’s playing like he did last season right before the playoffs. Did you know what he was batting last August? Just under four hundred. He was hitting almost four hundred from mid-August until around the first week in September. Pitchers were scared to death of him.” If only she knew how hot Ty could be. “He’s on a streak,” he admitted. “His bat is on fire. I should ask him to move in here, too.” He tried to rein back his expression but couldn’t keep himself from stammering. “Don’t be giving away my chili relleno.” “There’s always enough for everyone here.” The timer went off and she shooed him away. “Go to bed, go to bed. You’re in my way, mijo.” He trudged up the stairs and lay in the dark, staring at the shadows on the ceiling. Sleep felt like an impossibility. Trixie had decided to join him and curled up on the center of his chest, making it impossible to move. For some reason he just couldn’t bear to make her uncomfortable or physically move her over to the side. “It’s just you and me, Trickster,” he whispered. “I’ve exchanged the best thing in my life for a six pound dog.” She licked his nose and sighed, undaunted by his words. He needed to say it aloud, this feeling he felt growing heavier by the minute. When he woke the next morning she had disappeared, most 34

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likely going back to Mrs. Sanchez in the middle of the night. Somehow waking up alone just seemed to fit.

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CHAPTER 4 The sports section had an article about the Arsenals season and play-off predictions, which Mr. Sanchez had left out for Jae once he returned from a brief jog around the block. The color picture representing the team was Ty presumably when he’d hit his home run, the caption detailing how he’d led the team to victory. They could have been celebrating—they should have been celebrating together. Jae exhaled and turned the page, searching for major league scores while he quickly downed a bowl of Cheerios and looked for a reason to get out of the house. His fast food containers greeted him as he got into his car with no destination in mind. None of the players arrived this early, but that meant the workout room would be empty and he could sit in the hot tub and soak alone. 36

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I don’t know anything about tomorrow. Ty’s words rang through his head as he sat at a stop sign and waited for a woman pushing a stroller to cross the street. It took all of his strength to drive to the stadium rather than Ty and London’s house. The usual employees greeted him as he entered, but no one seemed to notice he’d arrived hours early. He spent a half hour on the treadmill watching a National Geographic special on some insanely fast and aggressive desert spider which reminded him of why he would never play winter ball in Arizona. Like a machine he went through the weight circuit and showered before he decided to sit in the hot tub and reward his sore muscles. He drew a quick zigzag across the steamed up windows as he entered the tiled room and placed his towel on one of the white plastic chairs lined up against the wall. The hot tub was definitely one of the perks of playing for the Arsenals, but it was a bonus tucked away in the corner of the clubhouse past all the televisions, weights, and treadmills. Their stadium was state-of-the-art, boasting perks most other minor league and indie leagues didn’t have the luxury of experiencing. Why no one utilized the hot tub and steam room was beyond him. Leaving his clothes in the locker room, he sank into the hot tub and closed his eyes. Normally he wasn’t one for hot, but today he welcomed the burn as he eased into the water and stretched out. He needed to get his mind back in the game and focus on third base, but baseball wasn’t a sport of isolation. It didn’t matter how much he focused on his position, the team as a whole depended on everyone else on the field. He wondered how Ty could so easily block him out, how he 37

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managed such discipline at bat and concentration at short stop. He wondered if Jack was still trying to contact him, but he knew Ty well enough where he assumed Ty was done with him. The minutes ticked by and the bubbles turned off, indicating the suggested fifteen minutes had passed. He leaned back and turned it up to thirty, despite numerous time limits posted all over the room. So much for warnings. With his eyes closed, he felt a sudden blast of cooler air against his face and sat up, knowing someone had entered. He expected the maintenance guy in his dark blue uniform to meander in and mop the floor, but didn’t hear his cart struggle across the tile. Through the heavy steam he spotted dark hair and bare flesh and quickly looked away, not wanting Ott or Marconi to catch him staring. From the corner of his eye he watched, waiting to see who had the same idea as him. The shower turned on and Jae stole a glance, trying to decide if he should jump out and grab his towel or wait for company. Trapped in an isolated room with no television or magazines, it was either strike up conversation or close your eyes and ignore the other person completely. The moment he looked toward the shower, he knew ignoring wasn’t an option. Every muscle tensed as he watched Ty rinse himself off. With his face tilted toward the shower head, water trickled down his long, lean body. Jae swallowed hard, his breath hitched in his throat as he stared at him. He stood facing the wall and ran his fingers through his hair before he turned and pushed his hair from his forehead and wiped off his face. With his eyes still closed, he stood with his arms outstretched and allowed the water to run down his chest and stomach. 38

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Goddamn he was gorgeous and untouchable. For a guy who groaned and protested over working out, he somehow managed to stay in perfect shape. Jae shifted, his dick stiffening at Ty’s unintentional show. He watched the trail of water trickle down his thighs and wanted to kiss and lick a path of his own. The thought tempted him a little too much and he gritted his teeth, his dick painfully hard and neglected. And then Ty dried his face and noticed Jae. Gray eyes widened, damp lips parted in disbelief. Jae glanced at his towel hanging ten feet away and wished he’d slung it over the side of the hot tub. He wasn’t exactly in a position to stand up, not with how he felt seeing Ty naked. Sinking lower into the water, he stared at the door and waited for Ty to leave. Ty took his time to grab his towel. He faced away from Jae and secured it around his hips, then made his way toward the hot tub. “Were you almost done?” he asked. If being boiled alive had been an option, he would have picked death by hot tub over death by humiliation and regret. “I was going to wait until the timer went off,” he replied. Before he finished speaking, the bubbles abruptly stopped. Well, son of a bitch. He exhaled and slowly moved through the water, careful to stay deep enough, but he caught Ty staring. He tried to conceal his expression, but interest flashed in his eyes and Jae knew Ty was well aware of the effect he had on him. Without a word, Ty turned and cranked up the timer, then hung up his towel. He avoided Jae’s eyes as he slowly sank into the water, giving Jae quite the show. He sighed as he sat and propped his arms along the edge. Head tilted back, he spread his legs, his knee bumping Jae’s. 39

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He didn’t know if he should stay or leave. The silent treatment had become unbearable, but he couldn’t make himself move. Too many thoughts crowded his mind, too many memories of how good they’d been together in every way imaginable. After a long, awkward moment, Ty looked him dead in the eye. “I’ve been thinking about what you said.” Jae blinked. “What did I say?” “About keeping things casual.” He lowered his gaze, unsure of how to respond. “Yeah.” Ty’s knee rubbed against Jae’s as he leaned back, sending a jolt through him. “How would we work that out?” Ty asked. The water rolled, bubbles rising to the surface where they popped. Drops of hot water hit his face, burning for a moment before the sensation disappeared. On the outside there was heat, but on the inside he went numb. He’d set up the playing field perfectly and now he didn’t want to participate, not unless he had Ty to himself. “I don’t know,” he mumbled. Ty lowered his arm into the water and placed his hand on Jae’s thigh. He didn’t look at him, his gaze fixed on the wall, his expression strangely vacant. The longer Jae stared at him, the less he saw of the man he’d fallen for the night they’d met. “Well, let me know if you figure it out. I wasn’t planning on going anywhere after the game. Maybe we could get together back at my place. Sort of left business unfinished yesterday, you know?” Jae abruptly moved away, and Ty sat up, his body rigid, both hands grasping the steel edge. He looked about ready to jump out of his own skin. He started to pull himself up, but Jae placed his hand over Ty’s fist and stopped him. His plan ended where it began. He stared up at Jae, desperate 40

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and bewildered. “What the hell do you want?” Ty asked under his breath. “I want to be right,” he blurted out. At last Ty relaxed and sat. His chest rose and fell with unsteady breaths, emotion returning full force to his eyes. His gaze flickered toward Jae, then quickly returned to the safety of a blank wall. “Right about what?” he asked at last. Jae rolled his tongue along the inside of his cheek. “About you.” Ty bowed his head. “I don’t know what your standards are.” “That’s not what I meant.” “I don’t know what you mean. These last few days it feels like I don’t know anything, not about you, not about myself…” Ty looked around as though planning his escape, and Jae waited, hoping he wouldn’t take off. If their conversation ended here, he was almost certain it would never start up again. “When I’m not with you all I can think about is how much I want to see you,” Ty said quickly. “Then when I see you all I can think about is how you don’t trust me. I can’t change what happened or what you saw. All I can do is tell you I didn’t start it and I didn’t want it.” He risked a glance, his gray eyes darker than before. “Maybe you were right about us. Maybe we’re better off not getting involved.” Jae closed his eyes, hating himself for ever suggesting they stay casual or apart. He didn’t want either…but it wasn’t his choice to make. “Is that what you want?” Jae asked, dreading the answer. “Why don’t you tell me what the hell you want? What do you have to be right about?” “I want to be right about how I feel. I don’t want to be caught up in the same bullshit I was in with the last guy,” he answered. “I 41

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told you at the beginning I’d wait if it was something worth waiting for and that’s the truth. I spent a lot of time waiting on a guy who would put his dick in anything that moved.” He paused and waited for Ty to tell him to fuck off and get over it. Instead he sat back and nodded. “We used to run into each other at this pizza place where a couple of us used to go and play beanbags. They had this pretentious coffeehouse next door where he’d sit outside and read these stupid-ass philosophy books and talk about how he was going to write his own and do a book signing.” “How in the hell did you two get together?” Jae grunted. “We sat down to talk one night and ended up at his place at two in the morning. I found out he grew up three blocks away from me and knew a lot of the people I hung out with when I was back in high school. He wanted to go backpacking through the rainforest and I told him I had an offer to play ball in Venezuela. It just happened and suddenly it was four months later and we were…together. He did his thing and worked on his doctorate while I played ball. He used to say my pastime didn’t interfere with his career. It was his little condescending joke that he told his friends when we were together.” He paused, wishing he had a better story. “How long were you together?” Jae shrugged. If he counted the first time they slept together, it was nine months. If he considered the first time they’d talked about moving in together, it was more like three. “Too long,” he finally answered. “I was on the road and found out he was sleeping with a couple of his friends. He told me I was a paranoid jock with too much testosterone, but I kept finding things…things that weren’t mine. Every time I came back from a road trip, I noticed something 42

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about him.” Ty stayed quiet, and Jae suddenly noticed the bubbles had stopped. “He’d let his calls go to voice mail and walk out of the room to call back. I’d do laundry and find clothes neither of us wore or condoms in the trash when I knew they weren’t from us. Everything I asked him about he had an excuse for or some unbelievable rationalization, you know? Maybe he’d bought another shirt or maybe the rubber was from me fucking some guy on the road and not him. He’d ask me what I did while we were in Calgary or St. Louis and which guy I roomed with for the trip. Even though I knew nothing had or would ever happen, he’d make some huge, fucking deal about me running with Boggs or riding to practice with Jimenez and I felt like I was the one doing something wrong. Every time we were together I felt like I had to explain myself to him.” “So you think that’s how I am?” Ty asked at last. He shook his head. “No,” he answered honestly. “I don’t think you’re anything like him.” He looked at Ty and smiled. “Unless deep down inside you’re some philosophical know-it-all asshole.” Ty tried to stifle a smile. “I’m an athlete. I’m not that deep.” Without thinking Jae reached out and placed his hand on Ty’s thigh. His fingers brushed through wiry hair and he gave a gentle squeeze. They sat in silence for a long moment and Jae wasn’t sure if he’d overstepped the boundaries. Ty gazed down at Jae’s hand and visibly swallowed. He reached through the water and placed his hand over Jae’s, his expression struggling to remain guarded. He glanced toward the opaque door and Jae understood his hesitation. He started to pull back, but Ty laced his fingers with Jae’s and 43

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leaned toward him. With one quick look at the door, he cupped the back of Jae’s head and kissed him hard. It only lasted a second, but it was more than Jae expected. It took a moment to register and he sat stunned, the faint taste of Ty’s lips on his. He squeezed Ty’s hand and smiled back at him, knowing how much the gesture meant, especially in a public place. “That’s what I want,” Ty rasped. “All of it.” “Let’s go back to your place for a while,” Jae suggested. Ty shook his head and stood, his flesh pink from the hot water. He stepped out of the hot tub without bothering to grab his towel and walked toward the door. He opened it, shut it, and walked back where he splashed in next to Jae and stood before him, the water lapping at the middle of his toned thighs. “What was that all about?” “Locked the door and hung up the sign.” “What sign?” “Closed for cleaning.” Jae smiled back and ran his hands down Ty’s sides to his hips, appreciating the view. He ran his fist up and down Ty’s erect dick and felt his own cock jump to life. Leaning forward, he licked droplets of water from Ty’s abdomen and kissed his ribs. They didn’t have much time until the rest of the players started to arrive, but they would make every second count. “So does that mean we’re all alone?” Ty slowly eased in next to him, kneeling on the bench where he wrapped his arms around Jae’s neck. His skin had cooled, but not for long, not if Jae had anything to do with it. Looking him in the eye, Ty kissed him again, deeper and longer than before. He ran his fingers along Jae’s scalp, their lips brushing against one another. Confusion faded and Jae inhaled, wanting every part of 44

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Ty. He stroked the shell of his ear, his fingers gliding along the column of his neck. Ty smiled against his lips and closed his eyes. “Completely.”

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CHAPTER 5 The promotional gimmick for the night was Hawaiian themed, which meant flowered jerseys replaced their regular home attire and the interns decorated the stadium with leis and fake neon paper flowers. “You know what I’m going to do?” Zember asked no one in particular as they dressed for the game. “I’m going to ask all the ladies in the crowd if anyone wants to see my limbo stick.” “Classy.” Ty chuckled to himself. “You’re just jealous you don’t get to see it anymore.” The guys in the locker room laughed and joked as Ty shook his head, taking the jokes in stride. “What the eyes see cannot be unseen.” “It’s crooked, ain’t it?” Navato asked. 46

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“From overuse,” Z responded. “Overuse? When was this? I just got over the nightmares of seeing that thing,” Ty replied. Zember gave him a toothy grin. “Come on, Parks. I was the best boyfriend you ever had.” Jae watched from the other side of the locker room as he pulled on his socks and tied his shoe laces. He didn’t have Ty’s quick wit, especially when it came to handling Zember, and knew he was better off staying out of the exchange. “You’re a fantastic catcher, that’s for sure.” Zember paused, apparently needing a moment for the comment to register. “Oh, fuck you, Parker.” “Not tonight, Z. I’ve got a headache.” The guys responded to Ty’s comment and egged him on for more, but Zember clearly didn’t find it funny. Red-faced, he gave Ty the finger and stomped out of the locker room. “Whatever.” The guys laughed and whipped athletic tape at one another before it was time to head out to the field in their horribly gaudy uniforms. Unbelievably, fans would bid on the jerseys during a silent auction and take them home at the end of the game. At least someone wanted them and it sure as hell wasn’t Jae. Once they stepped onto the diamond and started hitting, Jae felt a noticeable difference on the field. Maybe it was because they were playing the Huskies, the team so far out of the playoff standings that they may as well have just quit now. Maybe it was because they’d secured their playoff spot and just had to play through to the off-season. Maybe it was just him stealing glances at Ty and having them casually returned. Like always, kids milling around on the outfield walkway scrambled for the coveted game ball. They sent rockets onto the 47

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cement path, some bouncing off the net in front of the scoreboard and even the flagpole. Zember loosened up in the bullpen as fans trickled in and took their seats. With a mid-week game, only the season ticket holders, diehards, and company or personal parties tended to show up. High school football season had also started, and fans that would have normally come out to the ballpark had their own athletes to support. The game started and all Jae could think about was getting back to Ty’s and starting where they left off. In the bottom of the first he watched Ty go up to bat and hit for a single on the first pitch. They had men on first and second when Jae walked up to bat. “Get out of this slump,” Doc yelled. “You’re no good to us if you can’t hit, son.” Jae tried to ignore the comment as he took a ball low and inside. With most of the guys hitting on fire at the end of the season, superstition got the best of him. He wondered if Cook, their submarine reliever, had grabbed his bat when he jokingly acted like he was in the rotation. He tried to remember if he’d tied the left shoe instead of the right shoe before a game and had started on a vicious downward spiral. It was possible he was just not hitting because he was distracted, but in baseball that made too much sense. He made it to base on a fielding error at first and the crowd cheered as Ty made it to third and the bases were loaded with no outs. If they could take an early lead, the chances were good they wouldn’t look back, not that it mattered much. The pitcher, a veteran righty with the mentality of a toddler, stormed off the mound to regroup. Michael Bay was known 48

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throughout the league for freaking out on the mound and throwing wild pitches. He tore up the dugout on occasion and managed to get himself suspended at least once a season. When he was good, he was a fantastic pitcher, but the moment he became flustered, the Huskies manager—the only one in the league who would deal with him—immediately called for relief. He was risky, too fueled by emotion to ever make it out of the league, and at almost forty years old, his legacy of dirty ball was about to be retired. Standing a few feet off base, he could see in Bay’s eyes he was going to fire the ball toward first. He hopped back on the bag before the throw and stood with his hands on his hips, waiting for Bay to deliver. The pitcher gave him a hard, long look before he finally turned his attention back to McNamee, who had flipflopped with Ott in the batting order. Mac struck out on three pitches and walked back to the dugout without questioning the call. Ott stepped up with new intro music, something by Ludicris, and once again Bay stared him down before he threw a breaking ball at the knees. Jae inched off the base, tempting Bay to lose focus on the batter and play back and forth with him. He didn’t take the bait and managed a strike with a fastball that seemed outside to everyone but the home plate ump. His next two pitches were off the mark, bringing Ott ahead of the count. Hopping up, the catcher walked out to the mound, apparently deciding to hand deliver the ball and settle down the pitcher before he broke down in the first inning. Ott flied out to center and Ty took off running full speed home. He dived into the base ahead of the pitch and rolled awkwardly as the catcher knelt down without the ball in hand, blocking his path. The impact rang throughout the stadium and Jae winced, almost certain Ty’s head had collided with the catcher’s knee pad. His 49

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helmet went flying and Ty knelt in the dirt, facing toward the backstop. From the corner of his eye Jae saw London cover her mouth with both hands, her eyes huge and filled with concern. The manager and trainer trotted out onto the field while the catcher jogged up to the pitcher’s mound. Jae stood on second with his fists planted on his hips. “What the hell was that for?” he asked the second baseman. The guy looked at him and shrugged. “Wanted to tag him out.” “With what?” The guy didn’t answer and Jae stepped off the bag and milled around alone while the announcer rattled off a few birthdays and promotional ads. Jae ignored everything around him, his attention focused solely on Ty. Anson, Carerra, who was up to bat next, and their trainer Robinson blocked his view, leaving him to wait for the crowd to applaud and signal he had at least sat up. A few seconds stretched out into four minutes and his heart started to thump harder. London stood and crossed her arms, her lips pursed. She had a better view of what was happening and by her expression it apparently wasn’t good. Mueller headed back toward the dugout and Jae followed his lead, his gaze remaining at home plate. “What happened?” he asked as Zember stood propped up against the railing. “Knee to the head. Think maybe it stunned him. Looked pretty bad from here.” “Is he moving?” Zember shook his head. “Not yet.” Jae’s breath hitched. He imagined a hit like that could leave a man with a broken neck or a concussion. If he hadn’t moved, that 50

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could mean he was knocked out or paralyzed. Slowly the players wandered toward home plate and milled around a few feet from where Ty lay sprawled out. London had left her usual third base side seat and stood behind the plate, her fingers tangled in the giant tuna net protecting the home plate fans. Jae craned his neck for a better view just in time to hear the crowd softly applaud. He gave a sigh of relief when he spotted Ty sitting up. Robinson, a lanky guy who looked like a scarecrow dressed up in a baseball uniform, helped Ty stand and together he and Zember moved him off the field. He took a deep breath and returned to second base, watching as Ty disappeared from the dugout and returned to the clubhouse. A few years back one of the coaches in a different league had been struck by a pitch from the bullpen and refused to go to the ER. He’d passed away in the middle of the night from brain trauma and since then, all the indie leagues adopted a policy of head injuries being treated immediately. The inning ended without more runs scored and the mood in the dugout shifted. Ty’s equipment had been put away by their bat boy, his cap and glove left at his empty place on the bench. During the fourth inning, London popped her head into the dugout and motioned for him to come over. “They took him to the emergency room,” she told him. “He’s talking and stuff, but he just seems a little out of it.” He nodded, dreading what could happen. Ty had stayed down longer than seemed normal and that worried him. Head injuries weren’t something to take lightly and knew he’d read stories of people losing their ability to speak or walk. “I’m going to skip out of here and stay with him. I’ll text you later with an update.” 51

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“Thanks,” he answered. “I’ll see you at home.” She disappeared before he could answer, and before he knew it, Massaro tapped him on the shoulder and told him to get ready to bat. He entered the batter’s box and immediately felt the difference with Rohde up first in the order. As their best pinch hitter, Rohde stood on base where Ty should have been. Bay, who was pitching slower and losing his command, stood on the mound and played catch with their first baseman while their reliever warmed up. Mueller danced back and forth, a game of cat and mouse with an aggravated pitcher who had loaded the bases. Jae stood in for the pitch and gave an exaggerated look as the ball almost hit the dirt. He had every intention of pissing off Bay and sending him all the way back to the clubhouse. “He can’t go long, can he?” he muttered under his breath. “You wanna fuck around?” the catcher asked, his words muffled by his mask. He hadn’t shaved in days, his face covered in dark stubble and eyes narrowed. He had a wide, flat face and small, almost shriveled features. Shrunken head, Jae thought, like something out of a freak show. Jae tightened his grip on the bat and lowered his chin. “Tell him to throw something worth swinging at.” The catcher grunted and gave the signal. Bay stiffened on the mound, his head dropped low like a bull about to charge. He sent a sinker right down the middle and Jae resisted swinging. Bay stared him down, his hat low over his eyes. The catcher gave a chuckle, but Bay knew the batter was messing with him. Jae stood in and Bay picked up the pace, throwing as soon as Jae took his position at the plate. He reeled back, the pitch sailing past his chin. The catcher sprang up but barely managed to grab it 52

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before it would have allowed a run in. His heart thudded at the close call, but he refused to get angry. Now he had Bay. One more bad pitch and he either walked or brought in a run. He foul tipped a ball twice into the stands and made him work a little longer, a little harder than he wanted. Eight pitches in and Bay lost all control. He shook off the catcher’s signals one after another until he finally found something he liked. Jae swallowed and braced himself, fully expecting to get hammered. He moved but not in enough time and the ball hit him in the middle of the back. It hurt like hell, but he gritted his teeth and tossed the bat to the dirt. The crowd booed, his teammates standing at the ready to leave the dugout and come to his aid. As he ripped off his batting gloves, he saw the Huskies standing at the edge of the dugout waiting for him to make a move. If he headed toward Bay, both benches would clear. Already Ansen called for an ejection and the crowd agreed with him. Jae stood near the base and looked from first to the pitcher’s mound. The crowd responded, waiting for him to start another fight. He thought about how he’d held Ty back under similar circumstances—and how Ty was no longer playing for the night and possibly the rest of the regular season. Bay threw down the rosin bag and stepped off the mound, gesturing toward Jae, who didn’t have to do a thing. The home plate umpire tossed Bay immediately and the protest began. He took a breath and started toward first while the Huskies dugout poured onto the grass along first base side. Their manager jogged out onto the field and missed grabbing hold of his pitcher. Before Jae knew what was happening, Bay stormed toward him, yelling something inaudible. He slurred his words and spit in 53

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anger as he stormed toward Jae, his long strides quickly eating up the lawn between them. Everything about Bay surpassed Jae, from his height to his weight to his seething anger. He was known for all three, a bear with cleats and a good arm. He reached Jae within seconds and took an unexpected swing. Jae ducked but Bay still hit him. Standing too far apart, he managed to clip Jae’s forehead and sent him stumbling back. He shook off the blow, but before he’d regrouped Bay came at him again. Jae stepped on his batting helmet and nearly lost his footing. He balled his hands into fists and kept his gaze locked on Bay. “I’ll give you something to swing at,” Bay growled. Hawaiian shirts filled the infield and Zember popped out in front of Bay, blocking his path. Massive arms wrapped around the opposing pitcher and threw him onto the grass before the umpires shoved players apart and the fight stopped before it could escalate. Huskies players retrieved Bay and pulled him back to the dugout before he could get himself into any more trouble. “Get to first,” the umpire yelled at Jae, motioning toward the base. He blinked and walked toward the base without question, his head throbbing. Gingerly he touched his forehead and felt the start of a knot just above his right eye. Another pitcher warmed up in the opposing team’s bull pen and threw one last ball before he headed out to the mound. No one seemed to remember Valdez had walked and they’d scored another run, not with Ansen arguing with the umpire to keep Zember in the game after he tackled Mike Bay. Eventually Ansen won his case and Zember returned to the dugout. 54

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Jae grew agitated as the minutes ticked by and he moved from first base to second on another walk. He wanted the game to end so he could drive to the hospital and check on Ty. After days apart from him, being away for even a few hours seemed like torture. In the sixth inning, he sneaked away from the dugout and ran back to the clubhouse to check his phone for messages. He had three new texts, but none from London or Ty, which started to unnerve him. He left his phone on and walked back out to the bench a few moments later to find they’d scored again, leading fifteen to zip. The game dragged on with a final score of twenty to two and Jae got the hell out of the stadium as fast as he could. Concerned fans stopped him briefly and commented on his fight—or lack of— and asked how he felt. “Fine,” he answered. “Thanks.” He wasn’t concerned with himself, not with Ty rushed off the field and out of the park. He reached his car at the same moment as Zember, who nodded to him before he drove off. He’d broken his middle finger, of all things, on his left hand when he took down Bay but said it was worth it. He’d apparently been looking for an excuse to hit him for a while and hadn’t hesitated. There were two hospitals nearby and Jae guessed the team would take Ty to St. Francis rather than Memorial since their stadium was chock full of signs for the hospital and their physical therapist worked at an outpatient facility associated with the hospital. He tried London’s phone three times and it went to voice mail each attempt. That worried him, and he drove to the hospital in silence, finding parking in the back of the lot. Once he entered the ER he spotted London by the vending machine and rushed to meet her. 55

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“How is he?” A teenage girl with a ring through her nose whipped around and stared at him, startled by his presence. “Huh?” “Sorry. I thought you were someone else.” He walked away and scanned the waiting room, then walked up to the desk where two girls bundled up in heavy sweaters sat complaining about how cold it was by the automatic doors. “I’m looking for a Ty Parker.” He leaned into the desk, staring down at the two of them. They both stared at his forehead and the knot that had become the size of a golf ball before one of them began typing into the computer. “Hmmm. And you are?” “One of his teammates.” She looked up at him, then at a poster hung behind their desk of a team photo. “We have a Parker here. Go have a seat. We already have his sister here and there’s a limit to how many people are allowed back.” Jae’s brow furrowed. “Sister?” The only person he could think of was London, who’d probably given them a story just to slip into the ER to stay with Ty. “Have a seat,” she said again. They weren’t going to let him back or give him any additional information. Frustrated, he pulled off his cap and brushed his hand over the knot on his head, wincing as pain resonated through his skull. “Jae,” London called out. He turned and saw her walking out of the back. “The game just ended.” “I know. Half the team has blown up Ty’s phone.” “How is he?” 56

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She shrugged. “Concussion from the impact, but his tests came out fine so far. I’m not sure what they have planned but he’s been seen by a doctor and at least ten nurses who can’t keep their hands off him. He’s awake and talking but they want to keep him a little while longer. I have no idea exactly how long that will be since we’ve already been here two hours, but I guess I should be glad they’ve already seen him. Some of these people out here haven’t even moved and they were here before us.” Suddenly she paused and turned her head to the side. “Jesus. What in the hell happened to you? Did Bay hit you?” “Fight,” he said. “Cleared the benches.” “Goddamn, they need to get him out of this league. He probably told the catcher to knee Ty in the face. I really wouldn’t put him past him with how he acts on the field, fucking loser. What started the fight?” “Hit me with a pitch and he snapped when I looked at him. Zember took his ass down. I heard it’s on Youtube already if you want to see it.” At last London smiled and for a brief second the concern in her eyes faded. “Good for Z.” She put her arms around Jae’s neck and squeezed him tight, so tight he could feel her tremble. “Thanks for coming to check on him. I know you two have had some stuff going on the last couple of days,” she whispered. “We’re fine.” She pulled back and gave a closed-lipped smile. “Seriously?” Jae nodded. “I think so.” London looked relieved. “Good. I’m off babysitting duty.” Jae grunted. “If he needs diapers or anything like that, it’s all you.” London pinched his arm and cupped her hand by his ear. “You 57

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know his ass better than me,” she whispered before she pulled him down the hallway. *

*

*

Ty still wore his flowery uniform as he lay in a hospital bed looking agitated. A nurse stood at his bedside and took his vitals while London and Jae stood at the foot of the bed and stayed out of her way. She was cute with long hair pulled back and bright yellow scrubs. Jae could tell she wanted to check Ty out but was being a professional. “I think you’ll be good to go in a bit,” she told him. “How long’s a bit?” Ty asked. “Five or six hours if you’re lucky.” She scribbled something on a clipboard and took a step back. “Call me if you need anything.” Once she left, Jae took a long, hard look at Ty. London squeezed his arm and said she was going to see if the coffee machine was working yet and would be back later on. She said Landro was tied up in pathology but would stop by if he had a moment, even though his area of expertise had nothing to do with brain trauma. Ty looked like hell, his face a grayish, sickly color Jae hadn’t seen on anyone before. It scared the hell out of him to see Ty like that, a feeling he hadn’t expected. They had just started to get back on track and now he felt another jolt. At least they were able to speak to one another, since he had no idea what he would have done if Ty had ignored him before and during the game. “How are you feeling?” he asked. With the curtains drawn, he dared to grab Ty’s hand. Nurses and doctors passed by on the other side of the thin 58

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curtain and Ty immediately pulled away. Jae shoved his hands in his pockets, feeling awkward despite knowing that their teammates or a doctor could burst in without warning. “Like I just took a knee to the face.” Jae gave a solemn nod. “We’re dedicating tonight’s win to you.” “That sounds like I’m about to die. What do you know that I don’t?” “Don’t say that.” Ty adjusted the bed. “What the hell happened to you?” Jae took a seat in an uncomfortable hospital chair and explained the rest of the game. Ty still looked half out of it, nodding slowly as he listened to the details on the fight and the rest of the game. “You were just trying to get a bed next to me, weren’t you?” Jae shook his head. “I’d rather be back at home in bed.” Ty visibly tensed and Jae pursed his lips, his voice too loud for Ty. He shifted and took his hands out of his pockets, rubbing them together. He didn’t want to hide his feelings for Ty, but he didn’t have a choice, not if he wanted to respect Ty. “Me, too,” Ty whispered. Jae forced himself to keep a distance despite wanting to touch Ty. He wanted to run his fingers through his hair and just hold him, grateful his injuries weren’t worse. Ty looked back at him and Jae knew the feeling was mutual. He reached out and gently grasped Jae’s hand. Without a word, he gave a heavy, regretful sigh and let go. A younger doctor with curly hair and a long last name on his white coat walked in and checked his watch. “All right, Mr. Parker, how are you feeling?” 59

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“Like my brain is about to come out through my eyes.” “That bad? The headaches are quite intense, I’m sure. Are you still feeling nauseous?” “Not as bad.” “Good. How about the flashing lights?” Ty hesitated. “Yeah.” The doctor looked into his eyes with an instrument and nodded. “Your pupils are dilating better than they were earlier. Do you remember what happened after you were hit?” “Yeah, I was laying on my back staring at the stadium lights.” “What else?” “They brought me here.” “Nothing in between?” Ty sat in silence. “No,” he finally answered. Jae stood back and pretended not to listen even though he wanted to stay at Ty’s side. He knew these types of injuries were serious, partially from his sister, who was a nurse, and from getting hit with an aluminum bat as a kid and being knocked on his ass. His mom, who took everything serious and practically planned his funeral, made him sit out for the rest of the season even though he felt fine. He considered himself lucky. “I’ll send in a nurse to go over some aftercare instructions with you and have you on your way,” the doctor informed him. He placed a sheet of paper on a pull-out table. “And if your sister is staying with you, I can go over any signs to watch for with her.” Ty sat up. “How soon can I leave?” “Not long. Your CT scan looked good, but brain trauma doesn’t always show up, so the next twenty-four hours are critical.” “I have to stay for twenty-four hours?” 60

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“No, we’ll release you shortly, just see your regular doctor tomorrow if you’re light-headed, disoriented, or notice any other changes.” He signed the chart and tapped his pen against the top of the clipboard. “They tell me you’re a celebrity around here.” Ty smiled. “If it gets me five star treatment, I’m the next Babe Ruth.” The doctor didn’t flinch. “You’re going to need to take it easy for a while, Mr. Ruth. Hopefully the Yankees will survive without you for the next seven to ten days so your regular doctor can recheck the injury and monitor your symptoms.” “Seven to ten days?” Ty and Jae said in unison. “I thought you said twenty-four hours?” Ty sat up, his face tense. “I said the first day is critical, but after that you still need to rest,” the doctor answered. “You’re dealing with a brain injury.” The expression on Ty’s face slowly changed from acceptance to superlative. He curled and uncurled his fingers, his gaze settling on his knees. “So I can’t play for another week?” “At least. Like I said, your regular doctor will follow up and give you a release date. Then hopefully it’s back to the field, Mr. Parker.” Disappointment lingered in his eyes like a kid expecting a puppy for Christmas who only receives clothes. He nodded at last and swung his legs down over the side of the bed. “Not so fast, Mr. Parker. We’ll tell you when it’s time to leave. Rest a little longer. I’ll have the nurse bring you some Tylenol for the headache.” Once he left, Jae took his seat next to Ty and shrugged. He browsed over the paper the doctor had left behind. “That sucks. You were right in the middle of a hot streak.” 61

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Ty didn’t reply. He stared at the small television screen in the corner of the makeshift room and watched the Cubs game. His jaw twitched, his nostrils flared. “Do you want me to stay or leave?” Jae asked, sensing Ty’s agitation. “Up to you.” “Do you want anything? There’s a vending machine in the waiting room. Maybe a coffee or something to drink?” His eyes flashed with unexpected anger. “I’m fine. Jesus Christ, he said I could leave in a few minutes. I think I can wait.” As soon as he finished speaking, he exhaled and pressed his palm to his forehead. “I’m sorry.” Jae tapped the paper in his hand. “Irritability is one of the symptoms on the list. You have an excuse for the next ten days.” “Ten days,” Ty said under his breath. “I’m going to miss the rest of the season.” “But you should be fine by the playoffs.” “I don’t know about fine.” Jae understood Ty’s fears and didn’t have a damn thing to say in consolation. Missing ten days of play would most likely put him out of his groove. All the momentum he’d built during the season and particularly in the last couple of days had just been derailed by a team that had no post season. “You can still practice,” Jae said at last. “As long as you take it easy.” “Yeah.” He didn’t sound convinced, but he didn’t argue. London slowly drew back the curtain and poked her head in. “Hey, sorry to bother you, babe, but Z’s here. He wanted to know if they planned to amputate.” Ty finally smiled. Jae had a feeling neither of them would ever 62

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admit it, but Ty and Joe Zember genuinely liked one another. Out of the twenty other guys on the team, Zember was the only one who bothered to check on Ty in the hospital. “If he’s offering his brain, tell him no.” “Hey, I heard that, sweetheart,” Z said from down the hall. He appeared next to London and grinned when he saw Ty. “What? No gown?” “Don’t I wish.” Zember barged in and forced Jae to scoot his chair aside. He bumped fists with Ty and looked him over. “Maybe that’s a little too gay even for you.” “Maybe.” Ty’s face momentarily crumpled with visible pain and his body stiffened. Zember didn’t seem to notice and went on to tell Ty about their win and how if he ever saw Michael Bay again he’d break his neck. He cut his visit short and told Ty he’d see him when he was done faking, then disappeared, saying he had women and a hot tub waiting for his limbo stick. “I couldn’t stop him,” London said. “Sorry.” Ty shrugged. “It’s fine. I get to leave soon anyhow.” “Are you feeling okay?” Jae asked. A nurse walked in before Ty could answer and began rattling off important information, directed mostly at London, who nodded and asked the appropriate questions. Another nurse brought in a wheelchair and told him for safety reasons he had to have a nurse wheel him out. Ty begrudgingly accepted and a younger nurse with bad highlights wheeled him out while Jae brought the car to the entrance ramp. The car radio showed it was past one in the morning. “Lan said he would be leaving soon, so I’m just going to wait 63

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for him,” London said before she walked back through the automatic doors and joined Landro. Neither of them said a word on the half hour drive home. Jae stifled a yawn, knowing his usual morning jog was out of the question. Once they parked in the driveway, Ty shrugged off Jae’s attempt to help him out of the car. He mumbled something about being able to walk fine on his own as he shuffled up the driveway and unlocked the front door. He still seemed agitated, but Jae passed it off as the aftereffects of a jarred brain and killer headache. Ty plopped down in front of the television, flipping through the stations until he settled on late-night talk show reruns. Jae nuked a box of mini pizza puffs, which seemed to be the only quick, edible item other than cereal. He put them on the coffee table in front of them, his stomach rumbling. “Want one?” Ty shook his head. “Not hungry.” Jae shrugged and grabbed one before it had cooled down. Sucking in a breath, he practically flung it across the room. “Son of a bitch.” He shook out his hand, even though doing so seemed to make it hurt worse. “Damn, they’re hot.” Ty gave him a sideways look. “You just took it out of the microwave. Maybe you should have stayed at the hospital and had that bump checked out.” Jae examined his index finger, but Ty pulled his hand toward his face and looked for himself. “Pretty sure you’ll survive another day.” “Unless this blister cuts off blood circulation and my heart stops.” 64

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“Yeah,” Ty said dryly. “Unless that happens, you’re fine.” He laced his fingers with Jae’s and scooted closer, tilting his head until it rested beside Jae’s. Relief replaced the sense of chaos he’d felt for most of the day and he relaxed. Ty’s breathing deepened, his grip loosening and Jae suddenly panicked, afraid he’d slip into a coma if left alone. His quick movement jolted Ty awake and he sat straight up, gripping his head with both hands. “Are you supposed to be sleeping with a concussion?” Jae asked. “I’m fine. Quit freaking out.” “I’m not freaking out. I just don’t know what the hell to do if you fall asleep and I can’t wake you up.” “What are you talking about? My head hurts like hell, but I can take care of myself. I’m not helpless.” “I know.” “Then stop.” “I can’t. I just don’t want anything to happen to you,” he blurted out as he moved to the edge of the couch and began talking with his hands. “What the hell do you think is going to happen? They said my test results came back fine.” “The nurse said sometimes it’s worse than what the CT scan shows. Ty, you don’t remember anything that happened between getting hit and ending up at the ER.” Ty started to protest but abruptly stopped. With a slow nod, he conceded. “That list of symptoms they gave London at the hospital said severe concussions can lead to a coma. I can deal with your headache and mood, but goddamn, I can’t deal with a coma.” He 65

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shook his head, unsure of what he would have done if Ty had been worse off. Already he felt as though he’d lost too much time with him over something that now seemed petty. “I don’t want to lose you.” Ty paused and searched his face, his features softening. He gripped Jae’s hand again, tighter than before, and sighed. “They wouldn’t have released me if they thought it was life and death. Besides,” he yawned, “it’s almost two. Some of us need sleep.” Jae nodded and grabbed the plate of pizza puffs and took a careful bite. He sat back, expecting Ty to stand up, stretch, and go to bed as soon as the show ended. A sense of disappointment tugged at him and he wondered if Ty shared his feelings. In the heat of the moment, after everything they’d been through in the past few days, he couldn’t help but feel as though he’d confessed more than was necessary. He wondered if they’d ever revisit the intensity they’d experienced before Jack Bowen showed up at the game. Ty still seemed distant and defensive and now he was coping with a head injury and losing the rest of the season to the sidelines. As much as Jae wanted to stay with him, he considered driving back to his host family and giving Ty space. Once he finished eating, he put the plate on the coffee table and started to stand, but Ty gave him a look. He gripped Jae’s thigh and shifted, forcing Jae to stay where he was. With a grunt, Ty swung his legs over the armrest and stretched out until his head lay on Jae’s lap. He looked down and found Ty smiling up at him for the first time. He still looked a little out of it, but he’d finally relaxed. While Ty dozed off, Jae pulled out his phone. He texted his sister back and forth for a while about his niece and her 66

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approaching third birthday, the team going to the playoffs, and some new show on TV she wanted him to start watching so she had someone to talk to about the characters and hot guys. Once she said goodnight, he scrolled through the address book and stopped at Bryce’s picture and number. He hit the delete button and didn’t hesitate when the phone confirmed his choice. An icon of a trash can showed up and with that, Bryce was finally gone. Jae sat back and placed his phone on the armrest, feeling strangely satisfied with his choice. Ty inhaled deeply and moved, his legs stretched out. “Thanks,” he said, his voice hoarse from sleep. Jae lightly brushed his fingers through Ty’s hair, careful not to put too much pressure on his head. “For what?” “For keeping me out of a coma.”

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CHAPTER 6 Four days later Ty seemed to be back to his old self. His doctor, however, refused to release him until he’d been on low activity for another ten, which put him at returning to the field on the last day of the regular season. No amount of bartering or pleading got him released any faster, so he finally conceded and kept track of stats for the manager while he sat in the dugout and watched Ott, their utility guy, play shortstop. With Ty being down and out, Jae quietly expressed to Mrs. Sanchez that he would be moving in with Ty to keep an eye on him, which she thought made him worthy of a Nobel Peace Prize. She made him two dozen of her famous peanut butter chocolate chip cookies, which were the size of his fist, and told him he was welcome to stop by any time. 68

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“These are fantastic,” Ty said between bites. “I know.” Jae shoved the plate of cookies out of reach and sat back at the kitchen table. He had to give up cookies and start jogging again. “Too damn good. I feel like I escaped just in time.” “Just like Hansel.” Jae stopped and looked at him. “You know,” Ty said. “Hansel and—” “Gretel. I know.” Now that’s why he had fallen for him so easily. They had small, random oddities in common and somehow that made them perfect for one another. No one else got him the way Ty did. With Ty out of commission, Jae left for the stadium alone. Suited up, Ty stood on the foul line and tossed balls back and forth with some of the guys, which was about as much as he was allowed to do. The series with the Huskies had ended with a total sweep, and Friday’s series against the Mudcats kept the momentum going with another win. “Hey,” Jae said as the announcer rattled off birthdays and anniversaries. They stood lined up for the National Anthem before a packed stadium. “I have a surprise after the game.” Ty looked at him from the corner of his eye. “And you’re telling me now…why?” Jae smiled. “To build suspense.” They beat the Mudcats two to one in a pitcher’s duel that came down to the last inning when Ott hit a ground ball and batted in the run. With spirits high, the team quickly showered and left the stadium, knowing they’d all be back early for a Sunday afternoon game and an attempt at another series sweep. “So?” Ty asked as they left the locker room and headed toward Jae’s car. 69

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Jae slowed his pace as they approached the double glass doors. He tugged on Ty’s arm and pulled him around. “Looks like everyone left.” Ty shot him a look. “Yeah? So?” “So you wanna go back out and hit?” Ty furrowed his brow, but Jae caught a hint of interest. “Now?” “Grounds crew left everything out.” “They lock the building.” Jae dug in his back pocket and pulled out a key ring loaded with at least a dozen different keys. “Do I want to know how and why you have that?” “Probably not,” Jae answered. One fitted with a red rubber cover on the top was the master key to all the doors on the west end of the stadium, according to Becky, who had loaned him her keys. Distraction with phones ringing and other game day mayhem kept her preoccupied enough to forget she’d given them to him in the first place. Jae didn’t have to ask him twice. Ty made a beeline for the clubhouse and together they grabbed their bats and headed back onto the field. With a three o’clock start, the sun had started to set by the end of the game and shrouded the infield in deep shadows. Jae had never seen the stadium completely empty and stood back for a moment, his gaze sweeping the green seats and first base dugout previously occupied by the Mudcats. The stadium looked larger than before, the concession stands closed, the various food booths covered for the evening. The scoreboard was dark, aside from the ticker at the bottom broadcasting the upcoming promotions. A slight breeze kept the flags moving. Ty stepped onto the grass and took a deep breath. His street 70

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shoes crunched against the red brick dust as he stood at the plate and took a couple practice swings. He looked out of place in khaki shorts and a light blue shirt, but he swung like he knew what he was doing. “Ready?” Jae asked. Ty nodded, and Jae started up the pitching machine. Six balls into it, Ty finally made contact and foul tipped the leather. His body stiffened, frustration settling in, but he wasn’t about to quit. Jae stood behind the net and watched his eyes narrow and swings become more fluid. He studied the veins in his forearms, the way he moved the bat above his head and his usual batter’s stance. With lines of sweat trickling down his face, Ty finally nodded and called it a day. He’d hit three out of around twenty pitches but looked more upbeat than he had before the injury. “Well, that sucked,” he said as Jae joined him by home plate. “Nah. Harder hitting it from the machine,” he said. “That’s a little patronizing.” Jae squeezed his shoulder. “Fine. You suck.” Ty grunted and jogged down the dugout stairs with Jae behind him. “Much better.” He stared at the bat for a moment and ran his fingers along the smooth surface. His expression turned pensive, and when he looked up, Jae saw the relief in his eyes. “You know a week ago I considered retiring,” he said. Jae turned his head to the side, vaguely remembering someone in the dugout mentioning it in passing. “Why?” Ty lowered his head and sighed. “I just felt like I was done with it. My back was killing me, my knees hurt, my average tanked…I knew I wasn’t playing at the same level I was last year. I 71

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wasn’t sure I’d pull out of it.” “We’ve all been through slumps. You got yourself out of it just fine. Hell, everyone wanted to know what your secret was with the way you were hitting the last few days.” “This felt different than just not hitting the ball. I thought maybe I should just tell Ansen I’m done and walk away.” Ty paused and Jae had a feeling there was more to his words than just that. “Now that it isn’t my choice, I hate it.” “So what are you doing when you’re off the DL?” Ty looked out onto the field and his shoulders dropped. “I’m not ready to leave here yet.” Jae smiled and squeezed his shoulder. “Good. I don’t want to find another place to live for the rest of the season.” Ty leaned the bat against the concrete wall and turned, placing both of his hands on Jae’s shoulders. “I can live with that,” he said. Jae rested his hands on Ty’s hips and swallowed, stepping closer, testing Ty’s boundaries in a public place. He waited for Ty to make a move, his patience waning, his heart thudding against his ribs. He gripped him harder, his fingers pressing into his sides. “This is like my ultimate fantasy,” Ty murmured as he looked out onto the field. He turned his head and kissed Jae softly on the lips, his hot breaths coming faster, harder. “What is?” “Being here. With you.” Jae tilted his hips forward and Ty wrapped his arms around him, drawing him closer. He kissed Jae again and groaned as Jae ran his hands down his back to ass and grabbed him hard. Ty slid his hands beneath Jae’s T-shirt and grazed his flesh with his fingernails, making Jae draw in a breath through his teeth. He kissed Ty’s shoulder and pulled his shirt up, over his head, 72

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then stuffed it into one of the wooden compartments for batting helmets. Taking a step back, he studied Ty’s bare torso, the way his chest heaved and belly quivered when he touched him. He ran his fingers lightly down his ribs and unbuttoned his shorts. As much as it killed him inside, Jae moved slowly, first unbuckling Ty’s belt and then unzipping his khaki shorts. Ty started to shove his shorts down his hips, but Jae pushed his hand away. “My turn,” he rasped out. Ty gripped his shoulders as he found a seat on the bench and pulled him closer. He kissed Ty’s stomach and hips as he slid his shorts down to his ankles and gave his boxers a tug. His dick strained, thick and rock hard, inches from Jae’s mouth. He looked up at Ty as he held the tip of his cock between his lips and ran his tongue along the slit. Ty’s breath turned harsh, his grip tightening in anticipation as Jae slowly took him in. He slid Ty deep, all the way to the base and slowly out again, feeling Ty’s body tense. His dick twitched, a deep groan leaving his body. Jae sucked him faster and played with his ass cheeks. He teased his way around Ty’s hole with his fingers and Ty bucked in response, his hips moving back and forth faster than before. He pressed into him, massaging the rim while he cupped Ty’s balls with his left hand, feeling them tighten in his grasp. Ty tilted his head down and wrestled Jae out of his shirt. “Take it out,” he said, his voice low, hoarse, and demanding. Jae looked up at him, stroking Ty’s cock with his fist as he bent at the knee and roughly grabbed his belt. Ty nodded, his gaze flitting between Jae’s face and his lap. “I said take it out,” Ty said. Jae gripped the base of Ty’s dick with one hand and managed to unzip his shorts with the other. His dick throbbed and he pulled 73

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it out through the slit in his underwear. He pleasured himself with short, quick strokes while he kissed his way up Ty’s dick. Ty rubbed his thumb over the head. Jae’s cock immediately jumped to life, hard and ready. Ty grunted in appreciation, his lips against Jae’s ear. “Don’t stop,” he whispered. “I want to watch.” Jae didn’t say a word. He did as Ty asked and stroked himself with his hand while he pumped Ty’s dick with his mouth, bringing him deeper and deeper. “Fuck, that feels good.” Ty stared down at him, his gaze fixed on Jae’s dick and fist. Jae had always enjoyed watching other men masturbate. He liked how private and forbidden it seemed and how his partner always hesitated at first, then got into it once he saw how he reacted to the display. It seemed like the ultimate form of trust with another man and he found it deeply gratifying when Ty asked to watch him. Now that he was the center of attention, the excitement built quickly. He moved his fingers up and down the length of his dick, his legs spread wide open for Ty, who mumbled for him to keep going. Ty ran his fingers through Jae’s hair and groaned, his rapid breathing and quick thrusts telling Jae he was close. He stared up at Ty, wanting to taste him in the back of his throat. Ty met his eyes and bit his lip. His body stilled, then wrenched with the onset of spasms rippling through him. Jae swallowed every drop of hot sperm and ran his tongue along the head of Ty’s quivering penis while Ty braced himself. With heavy-lidded eyes, he stared down at Jae and smiled, still watching with unabashed interest as he played with his own throbbing dick. He shoved Jae onto his back, sprawling him out on 74

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the dugout bench, and knelt in front of him, using someone’s forgotten sweatshirt to protect his knees. Ty pulled away Jae’s hand and replaced it with his own, moving in long, slow strokes from the base to the tip. Jae felt his legs begin to shake, his hard dick sensitive to the touch as he grew closer to orgasm. “Do you want me to suck you off?” Ty asked. He kissed the head, his tongue flicking out to slowly massage Jae. He managed a nod and swallowed hard, watching Ty pleasure him. Gray eyes met his. “I didn’t hear you.” “Yes.” He strained to find his voice. Ty drew lines up and down Jae’s penis with his tongue, finishing each stroke by circling the tip, then wrapping his lips around Jae’s aching dick. Intense sensation made it impossible for him to move or breathe and he lay outstretched. When Jae could barely stand it a moment longer, Ty plunged him deep into his hot, wet mouth and sucked him harder. He balled his hands into fists and arched his back as the tight sensation coiling inside released with a shudder of pleasure. He reached for Ty, his fingers tangled in his hair as orgasm washed away the buildup of frustration. For a long moment he lay back and stared out at the field and the empty bleachers and berm, his racing heart finally slowing. They were out in the open, in the middle of a public place. Granted the seats were empty, but it was still a risk. Out of all the places he’d dared to kiss another man or make love, being in the stadium, his favorite location in the world—with the person he cared for more than anyone else—seemed surreal. This was what he dreamed of, damn near utopia. 75

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He couldn’t imagine losing Ty to his own insecurities or a serious injury. He’d never been one to map out the future—not past a season, at least—but he could see himself with Ty over the offseason and another year of indie ball. Waking up to that sexy smile, playing next to him on the field, and falling asleep in his arms seemed like more than what he’d ever expected and everything he’d always wanted. Ty bent his head and kissed him on the lips, his left hand resting on Jae’s bare chest over his heart. Jae carefully cupped Ty’s head in his hands, feeling his damp hair and warm flesh. The sprinklers turned on, the hiss of water drowning out the buzz of traffic. All he could focus on was Ty’s gray eyes, soft lips, and square face. “I love you,” Ty whispered. Jae closed his eyes and smiled. It came easy, like something he’d wanted to say all of his life but just hadn’t found the right time or the right person. He sighed, imagining all the mornings and nights he could say those same words and know it was true. “I love you, too.”

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GABRINA GARZA Gabrina Garza is a Latina romance writer who lives in the Chicagoland Area. She’s dedicated to bringing readers fun, exciting stories with characters women (and men) can relate to. When not writing, she’s actively involved in animal rescue and donates portions of her royalties to rescue efforts. Her “pack” includes two children, five cats, and currently eight dogs (relax, she fosters abused and abandoned dogs)—plus one husband who is more trouble than the rest of them combined. She’d tell you she’s also a secret ninja with laser beams for eyes and kick-ass six-inch vinyl boots, but she’d be lying about the ninja part. You should visit her immediately because her website promises all the virtual cookies you can eat. Her books are fat free and made with 100% natural ingredients and should therefore be consumed monthly in a literary sort of way. Her long-term goal is to take over the world and eliminate all forms of reality television. Until then, please save a life, spay and neuter! Check out her website for all you never wanted to know: www.gabrina.com. *

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Don’t miss Take Me Out by Gabrina Garza, available at AmberAllure.com! Ty, shortstop for an independent pro baseball team the Arsenals, has managed to keep his personal life separate from an unforgiving industry, but the arrival of a new third baseman

threatens to challenge the delicate balance he’s held for so long. On the outside, Ty has a spunky “girlfriend” who knows the truth and won’t let him get hurt, but it’s never been enough. Just one look at Jae, and well, when the ump calls “ball two,” baseball is the farthest thing from Ty’s mind! Jae Wise joins the team to replace an injured player, so his time with the Arsenals is only temporary, but he can’t think straight when it comes to Ty. When they become roomies on the road, then housemates during a stretch of home games, the attraction the two young athletes feel toward one another cannot be denied. Jae and Ty must decide what they fear more—being caught, or losing what just might be the best relationship either man has ever had.

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