A Guide to Russian Adoption: Professional Counseling and Personal Insights

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A Guide to Russian Adoption Professional Counseling and Personal Insights

Alisa White Karwowski

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Karwowski, Alisa White, 1973— A guide to Russian adoption : professional counseling and personal insights / Alisa White Karwowski. p. cm. Includes bibliographical references and index. ISBN 978-0-313-35052-8 (alk. paper) 1. Adoption—Russia (Federation)—Handbooks, manuals, etc. 2. Intercountry adoption— Handbooks, manuals, etc. I. Title. HV875.58.R8K37 2009 362.7340947—dc22 2008034414 British Library Cataloguing in Publication Data is available. Copyright C 2009 by Alisa White Karwowski All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be reproduced, by any process or technique, without the express written consent of the publisher. Library of Congress Catalog Card Number: 2008034414 ISBN: 978-0-313-35052-8 First published in 2009 Praeger Publishers, 88 Post Road West, Westport, CT 06881 An imprint of Greenwood Publishing Group, Inc. www.praeger.com Printed in the United States of America

The paper used in this book complies with the Permanent Paper Standard issued by the National Information Standards Organization (Z39.48-1984). 10

9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

For my husband Tim and for our children John Sergei and Charles Vitalij—we four are soulmates With love and neverending gratitude to our family, and to our friends, both at home and in Russia And especially for the hundreds of beautiful children awaiting families in the many orphanages in Russia

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Contents

Preface

ix

Acknowledgments

xi

Chapter 1 Making the Decision to Adopt

1

Chapter 2 An Overview of the Process of a Russian Adoption

13

Chapter 3 The Meeting

35

Chapter 4 Seven Weeks of Waiting

51

Chapter 5 Adoption Day

65

Chapter 6 The First Year as a Family

91

Chapter 7 Toddler Adoption

113

Chapter 8 Personal Challenges and Joys: John Sergei and Charlie Vitalij

131

Afterword

153

Additional Resources

155

viii

Contents

Appendix A: National Adoption Organizations and Parent Support Groups

157

Appendix B: Additional Information on Adoptions and Foreign Travel 161 Appendix C: U.S. Immigration Requirements

165

Appendix D: U.S. Department of State

169

Appendix E: Form I-600A Instructions

181

Index

187 Photo essay follows chapter 5.

Preface

Hand the attendant your ticket. You have waited for what seems to be an eternity in the hot July sun to afford yourself the best seat. Strap yourself into the very first cart and outstretch your arms. You are about to embark on the most amazing rollercoaster ride you will ever experience, feeling each jerk and turn of the cart. A Guide to Russian Adoption: Professional Counseling and Personal Insights will thrill you; you will laugh, you will cry, you will want your next big adventure to be not at a theme park, but rather in one of the hundreds of orphanages in Russia. You will live through each step of our two adoptions in St. Petersburg, Russia and beyond. You will learn, through the eyes of a soon-to-be mother, how successful international adoptions are completed. As you read, you will be given step-by-step instructions on how to complete a Russian adoption. I will break down the overwhelming process into manageable steps, and give you tips that I have learned throughout our two adoptions. I will share with you two very different adoptions; two children coming from the same Baby House in St. Petersburg, Russia, to the same family in the United States. Our eldest son was fourteen months old when we adopted him and we adopted our younger son two weeks before his second birthday. Our experiences were very different from the start. I will explore the adoption of a younger baby as well as a toddler adoption, and address the many issues that are present with each. Please know that there were 560 completely healthy orphans under the age of four available for adoption in the one city we visited during our time in Russia. The process of bringing one of these grand gifts into your family is very emotionally and financially difficult; a genuine leap of faith as many have said. As you read, please remember two things: First, our children are living proof that anyone really can make their dreams come true if they try hard enough and refuse to give up and, second, that those greatest risks in life will surely bring the greatest of all rewards.


Acknowledgments

This guide was written for prospective adoptive parents so that they can better navigate their way to their new child. If I am, even in a small way, responsible for helping a Russian orphan find a family, then all of the effort it took to create this book was worth it. Please buy yourself a journal to record your thoughts in during your adoption. Writing your thoughts will be a useful way to keep track of important questions and feelings you have throughout your journey, and it will be another piece of the adoption process and your child’s beginning that you can share years later. I wish to thank our family and friends for all of their love and support along the long road to our adoptions. I would like to especially thank Viktor, Arna, Alexsa, Natasha, Galina, Vika, and the New Hope Christian Services team for bringing our children to us. To my copyeditor and now good friend, Janet Buell, this book would not be in my hands without your intelligent and creative mind. Thank you for believing in me and my purpose. For my husband, Tim, who has been so supportive and is such a fun travel companion who always keeps the sense of adventure alive! Most especially, to my sons, Jack and Charlie, may you both always hold the stories of your beginning contained in this book close to your hearts and may you find comfort in knowing how many people loved and cared for you while you were in Baby House #6.


CHAPTER 1

Making the Decision to Adopt

When a person or a couple is thinking about an adoption, there are usually many components that go into making such a big decision. One consideration is whether to adopt domestically or internationally. If the child is an international child, the adoptive parents have to grapple with the issues of race and ethnicity. How will they feel and how will the adoptee feel if they are of a different color or race? How will the child fit into the community? If adopting internationally, adopting parents have to consider travel and expenses. They have to plan to be ready at any time to pay significant amounts of money with little notice. There is rarely more than one or two week’s notice before the prospective parents are expected to travel to Russia. What is the age and gender of the child you are hoping to adopt? Would you consider a sibling group? I think it is important that the adopting couple not look at adoption as a last resort. Most adoptive parents have first tried to conceive a child biologically. There are those who have not, and have chosen to adopt one of the millions of children who are in need of a family. However, once a couple decides—for whatever reason—to adopt a child, they must be ready for the absolute adventure of their lives, one that will change their lives forever. Adoption is most often a decision a person or a couple come to after they have go though some sort of infertility treatment(s). Most people who want children in their lives have a plan in life that does not include adoption. Even though adoption may be a “second choice” toward

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A Guide to Russian Adoption

parenthood, it can become your lifeline. For me, adoption was thought of after we went through only three infertility treatments. Although my doctor advised me to go to Boston for a more sophisticated approach to our infertility issues, we were more interested in considering an adoption. When you begin considering if an adoption can work for you and your family, you will need to decide whether you would like to research a domestic or an international adoption. Domestic adoptions are generally less expensive and can provide you with an infant child. Many domestic adoptions can be either open or closed adoptions. Even though you may choose a closed adoption, there is a greater chance that the birth mother and/or biological family can locate their adopted family member. Those who complete domestic adoptions do not have to deal with two countries, one being the United States and the other being the country in which the child is from. Many people are fearful of foreign travel and the expenses that accompany an international adoption. There was a definite sense of uncertainty that we felt especially when we were preparing for our first trip to Russia. The thought of cultural differences and a language barrier were intimidating. We immediately decided we wanted to pursue an international adoption for few reasons. We feel that children without parents in this country are protected by what I believe as a whole is a fairly good foster care system. Children in other countries, such as in Russia, are living in orphanages with little access to appropriate healthcare and nutrition. Children residing in orphanages in Russia do not have the opportunity to be cared for and nurtured by a consistent caretaker. We knew immediately that we wanted a closed adoption. We went to Russia to make our family; the fact that we are providing two children who lived in an orphanage a good life is a blessing. We have very little information to share with our children about their birth families. There are virtually no connections to their birth families. Russian adoptions are finalized in Russia. When you return home with your adopted child, he/she will fly on a Russian passport with their name that you have given them and the adoptive parents are listed as their parents. Once you enter the United States, the child will automatically receive their U.S. citizenship at the port of entry. The paperwork chase and the length of time to complete your adoption are magnified when doing an international adoption. Much of the paperwork stage will depend on your own speed. If you are efficient with completing the home study and gathering the necessary paperwork, your adoption will likely move more quickly. The age and sex of the child you are seeking to adopt may also impact the timeline of your adoption. Much of adoption is a leap of faith! If you can muster an open mind and a sense of adventure your journey toward your child will be much more relaxed and enjoyable and will provide you with happier memories


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to share when your child is old enough to understand what you went through to bring them into your family. I chose to begin this book with an interview I did with a student who was studying international adoption at Brown University. She recognized that there are many questions adoptive parents are faced with and there are many things other people wonder about when it comes to the issue of international adoption. Here are the interviewer’s questions followed by my responses: 1. What were your reasons for considering adoption? Infertility issues are present for both my husband and me. We both have low levels of those hormones most closely related to being able to conceive a child. After three months of artificial inseminations, there were no successful pregnancies. Feeling very frustrated and cheated, we took the advice of our physician and put further insemination on hold. I remember feeling so angry and wondering why two people who wanted nothing more than to be parents were having such a hard time conceiving. I then began thinking about adoption. I started feeling more and more like it was what we were supposed to do. I prepared myself to bridge the idea to my husband. Much to my delight, when I brought it up there was absolutely no hesitation on his part. He was thrilled with the idea and wanted to start looking into it right away. I think there was a sense of relief on his part. If we had a successful pregnancy it would have resulted in a baby that would have been created from a donor sperm, my egg, and carried in my womb. Through adoption it was in no way connected to one of us more than the other. 2. Why did you ultimately choose to adopt from Russia? First and foremost, we really feel as though those children in need of parents in this country are protected by our foster-care system. Children in other countries living in orphanages do not have the basic necessities for healthy living. Not only did we want one of these children, we wanted a child that looked like us. When we met our children, neither one of them had a diaper on. Their food was “milk-based product with oatmeal” in a bottle with a large hole in the tip of a makeshift nipple. The average life expectancy for a child living on the streets in a Russian city is thirty-two years. We do not think about adoption every day, just as I would imagine most mothers do not think about their pregnancies on a regular basis. Although we would love any child, I think having one who looks like he is your own is easier on the child. Recently, I was sitting at a table in the Olive Garden with my two boys; we were waiting for Tim to meet us. When Tim walked toward our table and was greeted by the boys, an elderly woman sitting next to us leaned in. She said, “My God, could I tell that was your husband. One child looks just like his mother and the other one looks just his father.” It felt good. 3. In my research, I have uncovered various instances when families changed their child’s biological name to a more Americanized one. Was this something that you felt was important? Why or why not?

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My husband and I thought it was very important for our children to have the best of both worlds with regard to their names. We felt very strongly that the boys should keep their Russian given names. After all, they are Russian and we wanted to honor their birth names. We also wanted to give our children a family name especially since they are adopted. Jack’s given name was Sergei Sergeevich and we changed his name to John Sergei Karwowski. Charlie’s given name was Vitalij Sergeevich and we changed his name to Charles Vitalij Karwowski. Both John and Charles have a long family history on both my side and Tim’s side. 4. During the adoption process, was your child’s family history made available to you? If so, what has been your approach to educating your child about their heritage? We have very little information on our boys’ biological families. We do know the name, age, medical history, passport number, and address in Russia of their birth mothers. We also have information on their place in the family with regard to birth order. Jack is the third and youngest child. His older brother (who is the second born) was adopted and lives here in New Hampshire. Charlie is an only child at this point. We have not yet, but certainly will tell Jack about his brother in the hopes that they can have a relationship later in life. If either birth mother has another child and decides to sign her rights away from the baby, we will be the first to be notified. As the parents of the older sibling to the baby we would then have to sign our rights away from the child before he or she would be eligible for adoption by another family. 5. How open are you with your child regarding their past? Our children are still very young (five and six years old). They know their birth story and we learned through Jack recently telling us this story below how he understands it: Once upon a time, there were two babies that were in Russia. One was me and the other one was you, Charlie. I was in a girl’s stomach, her name was Ludmila. Charlie you were in another girl’s stomach, Anna’s. Then we got born to the girls. The girls said, we can’t hold these babies; they belong to Tim and Alisa Karwowski. So they called and Mommy, you said, we’re on our way! And then you and Daddy flew in a big airplane over the oceans to come get us. And then, we all got to go on a big airplane to fly home. 6. Did you ever feel an obligation to educate yourself with regard to Russian culture and history? If so, at what point in this process did you feel the greatest urge to do this? We absolutely feel it is our responsibility to learn more about Russian language and culture. We embraced the opportunity to explore the birth city of our children so that we could see it and learn about it. We traveled everywhere throughout St. Petersburg and took tons of pictures that we have shared with the boys. There is a lot of time (while there to adopt) spent in Russia when you are in the city without the child.


Learning more about their birthplaces was a very productive and rewarding way to pass the time while we had to be away from our child. 7. Do you support the idea of your child revisiting Russia? Why or why not? We all look forward to returning to Russia. Our plan is take the boys to St. Petersburg for their high school graduation gifts. We want them to be old enough to both feel comfortable and enjoy making the trip. 8. If your child expressed the desire to find his or her biological parents, would you support him or her? Unfortunately for our children, there would be virtually no way for them to find their birth parents. There is absolutely no information on their birth fathers. If there was a way for them in the future, we would support them in finding their birth family. 9. Have there been any instances where you feel your child has benefited or been at a disadvantage from being from another country? To avoid confusion, I have read research that suggests that international adoption yields individuals with a greater sense of acceptance, understanding, and gratitude. Other research has suggested that they lack a sense of identity and belonging. What has been your personal experience with these kinds of issues? Adoption isn’t all glamorous. There are hard times that all parents go through and some are more specific to adoption. We had issues surrounding attachment with our younger son. He was two weeks shy of his second birthday when we brought him home from Russia. Instead of feeling as though we were “saving” him from a life of destituteness, he made it clear to us that in his mind we were kidnapping him. He truly did grieve the loss of his caretakers, friends, language—his home. We worked for close to the first year he was home on forming healthy attachments to us. It is critical in the life of the adoptee as well as the lives of the family members that any and all emotional issues surrounding the adoption are dealt with as soon as they are identified. Once we were able to help him to form healthy attachments we no longer worried about that. Both of the boys have done amazingly well in school, with their sports, and with the development of age-appropriate behaviors. I have felt as though my children are at an advantage because of being adopted. I feel as though people by nature pay more attention to them and take exceptional pride in their growth and development. When they do something impressive with a sport someone in the crowd might say, “It’s that Russian blood.” Is it really, or is it that the boys are just very good at baseball? For me, personally, the journey began with feelings of why me? I was so angry and felt so cheated. All I wanted to do was to be a mother. Maybe it was that conviction that kept us pushing forward to our adoption days. Adoption has been our lifeline. We have been so blessed to have such amazing experiences with our children as well as with our friends in Russia. The question, “Why me?” still resonates within me. But now its meaning could not be further from what it was three and a half years ago. Now it is a curiosity of unexplained, undeniable privilege.

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Recent statistics on children who were born outside of the United States and were adopted by an American couple are calculated by the number of immigrant visas issued to newly adopted children. You can find the most up-to-date information on those calculations in the table below. Table 1.1 Immigrant Visas Issued to Orphans Coming to the U.S. Top 20 Orphan-Issuing Countries FY-2007 Country

IR3

IR4

Total

China-mainland Guatemala Russia Ethiopia South Korea Vietnam Ukraine Kazakhstan India Liberia Colombia Philippines Haiti Taiwan Mexico Poland Thailand Kyrgyzstan Brazil Uganda

4,981 2,812 2,305 119 3 783 606 540 44 117 310 42 112 127 78 84 12 32 54 7

472 1,916 5 1,136 936 45 0 0 372 197 0 223 78 57 11 0 55 29 1 47

5,453 4,728 2,310 1,255 939 828 606 540 416 314 310 265 190 184 89 84 67 61 55 54

Source: Data from U.S. State Department. Immigrant Visas Issued to Orphans coming to US: 2008 http://www.travel.state.gov/family/adoption/stats/stats_451.html.

Yahoo groups have been an amazing resource for me and for other adopting parents. You can literally ask anything you are curious about and you will get honest answers from those who have had the same questions you may have. You can invite other subscribers to contact you via a private e-mail if you have a personal question that may be sensitive for you or for someone else on the Listserv. You can certainly belong to one that is not in your home state. If your adoption agency is in another state you may consider becoming a member to the one in that area. This can prove most useful when you are in the beginning stages of your adoption and want feedback on an agency you are considering. There are so many testimonials from so many different families, each with their own expectations in mind. This forum is probably the only objective way to read feedback on all adoption agencies. One

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thing you MUST do is confirm that the agency you ultimately choose is accredited in Russia and that the accreditation will not be expiring within a year from when you begin the adoption process. It is not recommended to attempt an independent adoption, if there is even such a thing anymore. Multiple delays have occurred when families are not represented by an agency, which has led to people being mandated to stay in Russia for months attempting to finalize their adoption. The chances of adoption fraud increase as no one is ensuring the credibility of your referral. To find a group in your area visit www.yahoo.groups online. I cannot possibly stress enough the importance of using an accredited agency when completing your Russian adoption. Below is a list of agencies in the United States working with Russia taken from U.S. Department of State Web (http://moscow.usembassy.gov/adoptions05.html).

ADOPTION AGENCIES ACCREDITED WITH THE MINISTRY OF EDUCATION AND SCIENCE OF THE RUSSIAN FEDERATION AS OF APRIL 7, 2008: 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10.

11. 12. 13. 14. 15. 16. 17. 18. 19. 20.

ABC Adoption Services, Inc. Adopt-A-Child, Inc. Adoption Associates, Inc. Adoption Center of Washington Adoptions Together, Inc. Alaska International Adoption Agency Alliance for Children Beacon House Adoption Services, Inc. Buckner Adoption and Maternity Services, Inc. Catholic Social Services of the Diocese of Charlotte, North Carolina, Inc. Children’s Home Society and Family Services Children’s Hope International Commonwealth Adoptions International, Inc. Children of the World Adoption Agency, Inc. Christian World Adoption Cradle Society Creative Adoptions, Inc. DOVE Adoptions International, Inc. European Adoption Consultants Families Thru International Adoption

21. Frank Adoption Center 22. Florence Crittenton League of Lowell 23. Gift of Life Adoption Services 24. Gladney Center for Adoption 25. Global Adoption Services, Inc. 26. Hand in Hand 27. Happy Families International Center 28. Homestudies and Adoption Placement Services, Inc. 29. International Assistance Group 30. Life Adoption Services, Inc. 31. Lutheran Social Services of Wisconsin and Upper Michigan, Inc. 32. Maine Adoption Placement Services (MAPS) 33. New Hope Christian Services 34. Nightlight Christian Adoptions 35. Small World Adoption Foundation of Missouri, Inc. 36. Wide Horizons for Children 37. World Association for Children and Parents (WACAP) 38. World Child International 39. Wyoming Children’s Society

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We used New Hope Christian Services to complete both of our adoptions and would use them again. They have been recently reaccredited in Russia. The brochure they use follows, and provides a brief overview of the adoption process.

NEW HOPE CHRISTIAN SERVICES This is just a quick overview of the Russian adoption program. We are sure you have questions, and we invite you to contact us. E-mail is the most efficient means of communication (to avoid telephone tag), and we aim to answer all e-mails within 12–24 hours of receipt. You will find that we answer most e-mails within several hours at most. Please contact us for more information on our program. We look forward to working with you on your Russian adoption. The Process Document Preparation

The document requirements for a Russian adoption can seem daunting to parents, but we walk you through the process. Your home study agency needs to follow a very precise format required by the court. We have copies of all documents and sample documents for your home study agency and for you. If you are not using NHCS as your home study agency, we strongly suggest that your home study agency contact us for the documents required from the agency; the sooner they have these requirements, the easier it will be for them to complete your home study. The Referral

All referrals are given by the Committee on Employment and Social Security of the People according to the request of the parents. Often little or no information is given to parents before they travel to Russia. The purpose of the first trip to Russia is to receive the official referral from the committee, meet the child, review the child’s medical and social file, obtain any information on the child’s history which is available, and to make a decision on accepting the child. All children can be seen by an independent pediatrician in Russia during your first trip. Parents receive a written medical report after the blood test results are available. The Court

The second trip (usually follows within 4-8 weeks of the first; both parents are required to appear in court) is the court trip which finalizes the adoption. Parents appear before the judge who reviews the case and


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approves the adoption. Russian law requires 10 days for any court decree to be finalized; judges can waive the 10 day waiting period. Upon completion of the adoption documents in the city of the adoption, parents travel to Moscow to the American Embassy to receive the child’s visa to the US. Who Will Be with You in Russia

The Russian team will meet parents at the airport, transfer parents to their hotel, and they will take you through the entire adoption process. A translator will be with you at the Committee, at the orphanage, the court and at any official offices that are visited. The team ensures your transfer from your hotel to your travel to Moscow. You can have one member of the team guide you through the Moscow portion of the trip (visit to the medical clinic as required by the U.S. Embassy and to the Embassy for the interview and then the pick up of the visa.) Be ready for a child with developmental, speech and other delays. Most of these are resolved with time, love, nutrition, good medical care and support services available in most communities. We can provide you with a list of parents who have volunteered to be references for our adoption program. The Cost

Although adoption in Russia for Russian citizens is free, there are costs involved in international adoption, including, but not limited to, document preparation and submission costs, mailing costs, translation, notarization and legalization of all documents in Russia, administrative costs, on-site translation in Russia for adoption, driver and car in the city of adoption, salaries of team members in Russia, translation services, orphanage aid, aid to needy families, filing fees, court fees, legalization of child’s documents for the U.S. Embassy, etc. We aim to keep the costs of the adoption process as accessible to as many parents as possible. Our fees (provided upon request) include all costs; there are no “hidden costs” along the way. Parents are responsible for their own document preparation costs (copies, notaries, apostilles, and the like in the U.S.), travel to Russia, travel to Moscow to the U.S. Embassy to obtain a visa for the child to enter the U.S., U.S. Embassy fees, driver/car in Moscow only. Fees are reduced for handicapped children, siblings and adoption of more than one child at the same time. Requirements

We work with parents of all ages, single women and married couples, all religious persuasions. Russian adoption officials require that there be no

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more than 47 years between the age of the youngest parent and the adopted child. New Hope Christian Services P. O. Box 310 Rumney, NH 03266 Russian Adoption Program About Us

We have been working in Russian adoption for more than 13 years, and we have completed over 200 adoptions in Russia. New Hope Christian Services has been accredited in Russia, since the process of accreditation was instituted. We work as a team with your home study agency, your adoption agency (if these are different) and the NHCS team in Russia to help you navigate the road of your Russian adoption. We are all dedicated to adoption work and helping children find families and families find children. Our entire team consists of dedicated adoption professionals, all with advanced degrees beyond a bachelor’s, and our Russian Program Director has herself adopted two children from St. Petersburg. We all work with you from the beginning steps of document preparation, through support while you travel to Russia (2 trips) and through the court process and the start of your life with your child. Our goal is to give you personal attention and to keep you informed of any changes in the adoption process. Our Programs

New Hope Christian Services works in 3 cities in Russia: St Petersburg, Orenburg, and Perm directly, and we have a cooperative agreement with another accredited agency for programs in Pskov, Smolensk, and Stavropol. Our main office in Russia is in St. Petersburg, and our team in that city has been working with us since the start in 1991. NHCS facilitators in other cities work closely with our Head Representative in St. Petersburg. The Children

We place children ages 9 months and older; sibling groups are also available. Current waiting time varies depending on the sex, age and medical issues requested. (Waiting time for a young girl is significantly longer than for toddlers and boys.) We estimate that in most cases an adoption will be completed within one year (or less) of your completed document dossier being filed in Russia; many adoptions are completed within 6 months. Most parents want healthy children, and the children referred

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to our parents (unless a specific medical condition is requested) have been in very good health, but parents must remember that all children in orphanages are considered at risk. Aleksa Fleszar, Russian Program Director/Arna Bronstein, Russian Programs Coordinator 82 Dame Road Newmarket, NH 03857 [email protected] www.youcanadopt.org. You can find very useful information on the United States government’s Web site: http://travel.state.gov/family/adoption/intercountry/intercountry_ 473.html. See appendix A for an overview of international adoption taken from this site.

PATTERNS OF IMMIGRATION Recent U.S. immigrant visa statistics reflect the following pattern for visa issuance to Russian orphans: Table 1.2 Patterns of Immigration Fiscal Year FY FY FY FY FY

2005 2004 2003 2002 2001

Number of Immigrant Visas Issued 4639 5865 5209 4939 5004

Source: Data from the U.S. Department of State: http://www.travel.state.gov/family/adoption/ country/country_441.html.


CHAPTER 2

An Overview of the Process of a Russian Adoption

Your agency will provide you with an application for adoption. You must complete and submit this form to your agency. This is the very first step of your journey on the road of your Russian adoption. Below is the application form that the agency New Hope Christian Services uses. It can be downloaded from their Web site at www.youcanadopt.org.

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15

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Once you have submitted the initial application to adopt you must await word of your acceptance into the adoption program. This process usually takes very little time, maybe a week or two at best. You will then receive a letter of acceptance in the mail. LETTER OF ACCEPTANCE Date August/September 2006 Dear New Prospective Adoptive Parent, We have received your completed application date August/September 2006. After reviewing your application, NEW HOPE Christian Services is pleased to accept you into our program for international adoptions. This acceptance is contingent upon our receiving your approved home study


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completed by a licensed agency in the state in which you reside [if you are in New Hampshire the social worker will be notifying about starting the home study] and your Immigration and Naturalization (INS) approval. Please sign, notarize, and return the following forms stamped OFFICE COPY to NEW HOPE Christian Services along with your first administrative payment of $1750. 1. 2. 3. 4.

Request for Country Program Refund Policy Risk Policy Agreement to Provide Post Placement Reports to NHCS

Upon receiving the above, we will send to you the COUNTRY INFORMATION BOOKLET for the country you have selected. You will want to begin the home study and file with Immigration and Naturalization. Both of these can be done simultaneously along with your dossier preparation found in the Country Booklet. When all three of these areas are completed, you will be considered “paper ready” for international adoption. We look forward to working with you on your behalf as you pursue the child/ren God has for you. Sincerely, David Mexcur, Ed.D. Executive Director Along with this letter, you will receive a packet of information and additional forms to fill out as part of your dossier. You will be asked to complete the adoption questionnaire and provide supporting documents to the adoption agency. Below is an example of a typical questionnaire for prospective adoptive parents. It is best to be as honest and as direct as possible. I remember when I completed this form I felt bad for revealing that I was not willing to accept a child with significant handicaps. My friend eased my mind though when she simply said, “Do you actually think that when I was pregnant I was wishing for a child with a severe handicap?” We answered the question about adopting a handicapped child by saying we were willing to accept the referral of a child with minor health concerns with a good prognosis for the future. This wording left the possibility that we could be presented with a child who had temporary health concerns— such as a parasite or a lack of vitamin D—that could be addressed and reversed once the child got the appropriate medical treatment.

Adopting Parent Questionnaire Please complete the following for each adoption parent. Mark n/a for any information which is not applicable. Complete all other information.

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DO NOT APOSTILLE THIS DOCUMENT. WE NEED ONLY ONE. PLEASE PRINT CLEARLY. TODAY’S DATE: Name of placement agency: ______________________________________ Name of Home Study agency: ____________________________________ Name of social worker.__________________________________________ Phone number of Home Study agency. _____________________________ E-mail address of Home Study agency. _____________________________ Approximate date of home study completion: _______________________

MOTHER Full name (exactly as on passport) Home address: _________________________________________________ Home phone: ___________ Home FAX: __________ Cell: ____________ E-mail: __________________ Date of birth (spell out the month) ____________________ Place of birth. ________________________________________ Employment: (position and company)______________________________ Work phone: ____________________ Work FAX: ___________________ Passport No.: ____________________ Date of issue: __________________ Date of expiration of passport: ____________. Issued by: ______________


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Maiden name: ____________________

Other children (name, date of birth):_______________________________ Date of submission of fingerprints for INS: __________________________

FATHER: __________ (check if not applicable) ____________________ Full name (exactly as on passport): _______________________________ Cell: ________________ E-mail: __________ Date of birth (spell out the month): ____________________ Place of birth: _____. Employment: (position and company) ______________________________ Work phone: ____________________ Work FAX: ___________________ Passport No.: ____________________ Date of issue: __________________ Date of expiration of passport: ____________________ Issued by: _______ Other children (name, date of birth):_______________________________ Date of submission of fingerprints for INS: __________________________ CHILD DESIRED (be specific): _________________________________ Sex: ____________________ Age limits: ________________ Acceptable handicaps:___________________________________________ Unacceptable handicaps:_________________________________________ Are you willing to accept a placement for any region of Russia?

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Once you are working on your adoption questionnaire, you should start thinking about the documentation you are going to need to submit along with the application. Below is an itemized list of what you will need. Once you have all of the supporting documents, you will need to have them notarized. Once they are notarized, you will have to take them to the state house in your state. There, the secretary of state’s office will apostille your documents, which will certify that they are legal documents for international use. This will cost you ten dollars per page and you will need four copies of each document. All notary signatures must be done in blue ink. Please either hand carry or mail your completed questionnaire and the necessary documents in one package to the agency. The agency cannot look at your materials until they are complete. Once you have correctly submitted all of these materials, your information will be sent to the translators and will complete your dossier. All of your documents will be translated into Russian and then sent on to the Ministry of Education in Moscow. • Proof of employment: You will get this letter of verification from your employer. Be sure the letter shows what your annual salary is and that it is dated and signed. • Proof of home ownership: You can obtain this documentation at the registry of deeds if you do not carry a mortgage. You may also consult your lender for proof that you are making mortgage payments to your address. • Medical examination: Prospective adoptive parents and any children who are already in the home will need complete medical reports. You will have a special form from your agency explaining what is required. Please keep in mind that your blood work is only considered accurate for three months. So, if your referral is more than three months from the date in which you had your blood work done, it will need to be repeated. • Three letters of recommendation: Each of these letters must be written by a nonrelative on your behalf indicating that you would be able to parent a deserving child. • Tax returns: Make copies of your tax returns for the past three years. • Copy of marriage certificate: You can obtain an official copy of your marriage certificate at the city hall in the city where you resided when you got married. • Birth certificates for both parents: Birth certificates must be obtained at the town or city hall where you were born. • Fingerprints and Criminal Background Check (CORI report): You will need to have an interview and have your fingerprints done at the Bureau of Homeland Security in your state. You will also give consent for a CORI at the state offices complex in your state. • Complete Petitions: These forms are witness to your intent to adopt a Russian born citizen.


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Copies of passports including a copy of any pages that verify name changes. Copy of Sworn Statement: this form serves as your letter of intent to adopt a Russian born orphan. Your agency will supply this form. Petitions: To ____ To MOE: Ministry of Education Region State • Complete Home study: Make an appointment with your social worker for an in-home visit. • Dossier submission: Once all of the pieces of your application have been received, your agency will send your dossier to Russia to be registered.

Complete the I-6oo A Orphan Petition: U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services. Application for Advance Processing of Orphan Petition: July 30, 2007. http://www.uscis.gov/portal/site/uscis Instructions for I-600A, Application for Advance Processing of Orphan Petition Department of Homeland Security U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services Instructions Please read these instructions carefully to properly complete this form. If you need more space to complete an answer, use a separate sheet(s) of paper. Write your name and Alien Registration Number (A #), if any, at the top of each sheet of paper and indicate the part and number of the item to which the answer refers. What Is the Purpose of This Form? An orphan is also a child who has only one parent who is not capable of taking care of the orphan and who has, in writing, irrevocably released the orphan for emigration and adoption. This form is used by a U.S. citizen who plans to adopt a foreign-born orphan but does not have a specific child in mind. “Advance Processing” enables USCIS to first adjudicate the application that relates to the qualifications of the applicant(s) as a prospective adoptive parent(s). A petition to classify an alien as an orphan (Form I-600) may not be filed on behalf of a child who is present in the United States, unless that child is in parole status and has not been adopted in the United States. Additionally, this form may be used in cases where the child is known and the prospective adoptive parent(s) are traveling to the country where the child is located. However, it is important that prospective adoptive

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parent(s) be aware that the child must remain in the foreign country where he or she is located until the processing is completed. The petition must be filed before the child’s 16th birthday. B. Adoption abroad. If the orphan was adopted abroad, it must be established that both the married applicant and spouse or the unmarried applicant personally saw and observed the child prior to or during the adoption proceedings. The adoption decree must show that a married prospective adoptive parent and spouse adopted the child jointly or that an unmarried prospective parent was at least 25 years of age at the time of the adoption and filing of Form I-600. NOTE: This Form I-600A application is not a petition to classify an orphan as an immediate relative. Form I-600, Petition to Classify Orphan as an Immediate Relative, is used for that purpose. What Are the Eligibility Requirements? 1. Eligibility for advance processing application (FormI-600A). C. Proxy adoption abroad. If both the applicant and spouse or the unmarried applicant did not personally see and observe the child prior to or during the adoption proceedings abroad, the applicant (and spouse, if married) must submit a statement indicating the applicant’s (and, if married, the spouse’s) willingness and intent to readopt the child in the United States. If requested, the applicant must submit a statement by an official of the state in which the child will reside that readoption is permissible in that State. In addition, evidence must be submitted to show compliance with the preadoption requirements, if any, of that State. An application for advance processing may be filed by a married U.S. citizen and spouse. The spouse of the applicant does not need to be a U.S. citizen; however, he or she must be in a lawful immigration status. An application for advance processing may also be filed by an unmarried U.S. citizen who is at least 24 years of age provided that he or she will be at least 25 at the time of adoption and the filing of an orphan petition on behalf of a child. 2. Eligibility for orphan petition (Form I-600). In addition to the requirements concerning the citizenship and age of the applicant described in the above paragraph noted by Number 1, when a child is located and identified the following eligibility requirements will apply: D. Preadoption requirements. If the orphan has not been adopted abroad, the applicant and spouse or the unmarried applicant must establish that the child will be adopted in


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the United States by the prospective applicant and spouse jointly or by the unmarried prospective applicant, and that the preadoption requirements, if any, of the State of the orphan’s proposed residence have been met. A. Child. Under U.S. immigration law, an orphan is an alien child who has no parents because of the death or disappearance of, abandonment or desertion by, or separation or loss from both parents. Form I-600A Instructions (Rev. 07/30/07)Y General Instructions. 1. An unexpired U.S. passport, initially issued for ten years, may also be submitted as proof of U.S. citizenship. Step 1. Fill Out the Form I-600A B. If the prospective adoptive parent was born outside the United States, submit a copy of one of the following: 1. Type or print legibly in black ink. 2. If extra space is needed to complete any item, attach a continuation sheet, indicate the item number, and date and sign each sheet. 3. Certificate of Naturalization or Certificate of Citizenship issued the by U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services (USCIS) or the former Immigration and Naturalization Service (INS). 4. Answer all questions fully and accurately. State that an item is not applicable with “N/A.” If the answer is none, write “none.” 5. Form FS-240, Report of Birth Abroad of a Citizen of the United States, issued by an American embassy. Step 2. General requirements Initial Evidence 1. An unexpired U.S. passport initially issued for ten years; or 2. Proof of U.S. citizenship of the prospective adoptive parent(s). 3. An original statement from a U.S. consular officer verifying the applicant’s U.S. citizenship with a valid passport. A. If a U.S. citizen by birth in the United States, submit a copy of the birth certificate issued by the civil registrar, vital statistics office or other civil authority. If a birth certificate is not available, submit a statement from the appropriate civil authority certifying that a birth certificate is not available. In such a situation secondary evidence must be submitted, including:

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NOTE: Proof of the lawful immigration status of the applicant’s spouse, if applicable, must be submitted. If the spouse is not a U.S. citizen, proof of her or his lawful immigration status, such as Form I-551, Permanent Resident Card; Form I-94, Arrival-Departure Record; or a copy of the biographic pages of the spouse’s passport and the nonimmigrant visa pages showing an admission stamp may be submitted. 1. Church records bearing the seal of the church showing the baptism, dedication or comparable rite occurred within two months after birth and showing the date and place of the prospective adoptive parent’s birth, date of the religious ceremony and the names of the parents; 2. Proof of marriage of applicant and spouse. The married applicant must submit a copy of the certificate of marriage and proof of termination of all prior marriages of himself or herself and spouse. In the case of an unmarried applicant who was previously married, submit proof of termination of all prior marriages. 2. School Records issued by the authority (preferably the first school attended) showing the date of admission to the school, prospective adoptive parent’s date of birth or age at the time, the place of birth and the names of the parents NOTE: If any change occurs in the applicant’(s) marital status while the application is pending, immediately notify the USCIS office where the application was filed. 3. Census records (state or federal) showing the name place of birth, date of birth or age of the prospective adoptive parent listed; 3. Home Study. 4. Affidavits sworn to or affirmed by two persons who were living at the time and who have personal knowledge of the date and place of birth in the United States of the prospective adoptive parent. Each affidavit should contain the following information regarding the person making the affidavit: his or her full name, address, date and place of birth and relationship to the prospective adoptive parent, if any and full information concerning the event and complete details of how the affiant acquired knowledge of the birth; or You must submit a home study prepared according to the requirements specified in 8 CFR 204.3(e) by a person who is authorized under 8 CFR 204.3(b) to prepare the home study. If you do not submit the home study with your Form I-600A, it must be submitted not more than one year after you file the Form I-600A. The home study must have been completed, or updated, not more than 6 months before the date it is submitted to USCIS.


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Form I-600A Instructions (Rev. 07/30/07)Y Page 2 E. Criminal history. 3. Living accommodations. 4. Handicapped or special needs orphan. 5. Summary of the counseling given and plans for postplacement counseling. 6. Specific approval of the prospective adoptive parents for adoption. 7. Home study preparer’s certification and statement of authority to conduct home studies. 8. Review of home study by the appropriate State agency, if required, and by a private or public adoption agency licensed in the United States, if you live abroad and will adopt abroad. NOTE: You must include all information concerning any criminal history, even if an arrest, indictment, other criminal charge, or conviction has been expunged, sealed, pardoned, or ameliorated in any other way. Having committed any crime of moral turpitude or a drug-related offense does not necessarily mean that the prospective adoptive parent(s) will be found not qualified to adopt an orphan. However, failure to disclose such information may result in denial of this application and/or any subsequent petition for an orphan. In order to prepare a home study, the person must be licensed or otherwise authorized under the law of the State of the child’s proposed residence to prepare home studies for adoptions. The home study preparer may be a public agency with authority under State law for adoption matters, or a public or private adoption agency licensed in the State of the child’s proposed residence. The home study preparer may also be an individual, if the person is, as an individual, licensed or otherwise authorized to prepare home studies for adoption under the law of the State of the child’s proposed residence. If you live abroad and will adopt the child abroad, the home study may be prepared by an agency or individual who is licensed or authorized to prepare home studies under the law of the country in which you reside, or under the law of any State in the United States. In addition to having a home study preparer that meets this requirement, the home study must, before it is submitted to USCIS, be reviewed and favorably recommended by a public adoption agency in any State in the United States or by a private agency licensed or otherwise authorized in any State to place children for adoption. Translations. Any document containing foreign language submitted to the Service shall be accompanied by a full English language translation which the translator has certified as complete and accurate, and by the translator’s certification that he or she is competent to translate from the foreign language into English. NOTE: USCIS does not enforce foreign licensing laws. So if your home study is prepared abroad by a home study preparer licensed in the United States, and is reviewed and favorably recommended by a public or private adoption agency licensed in the United States, you may submit it to

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USCIS and USCIS will accept it. The country in which you reside, however, may have its own laws concerning who may conduct adoption home studies in that country. You may want to verify whether a person licensed to conduct home studies in a State in the United States is permitted, under the law of the country in which you reside, to conduct home studies in that country. The home study must provide an assessment of the capabilities of the prospective adoptive parent(s) to provide proper parental care to an adopted orphan in light of the requirements stated in 8 CFR 204.3(e). The home study must include a discussion of the following elements: Copies. Unless specifically required that an original document be filed with an application or petition, an ordinary legible photocopy may be submitted. Original documents submitted when not required will remain a part of the record, even if the submission was not required. Where to File? A prospective adoptive parent residing in the United States should send the completed application to the USCIS office having jurisdiction over his or her place of residence. A prospective adoptive parent residing outside the United States should consult the nearest American consulate for the overseas or stateside USCIS office designated to act on the application. 1. Personal interview(s) and home visit(s). 2. Assessment of the capabilities of the prospective adoptive parents to properly parent the orphan, including: A. Assessment of the physical, mental, and emotional capabilities of the prospective adoptive parents to properly parent the orphan. B. Assessment of the finances of the prospective adoptive parents C. History of abuse and/or violence. D. Previous rejection for adoption or prior unfavorable home study. What Is the Filing Fee? The filing fee for a Form I-600A is $670.00. In addition to the fee for the application, there is a $80.00 biometric services fee for fingerprinting every adult person living in the household in the United States where the child will reside. Form I-600A Instructions (Rev. 07/30/07)Y Page 3 1. The check or money order must be drawn on a bank or other financial institution located in the United States and must be payable in U.S. currency; and For example, if an application is filed by a married couple residing in the United States with one additional adult member in their household, the total fees that must be submitted would be $910.00 ($670.00 for the petition and $240.00 for the biometric services fees for fingerprinting the three adults).


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2. Make the check or money order payable to U.S. Department of Homeland Security, unless: USCIS will allow for a one time re-fingerprinting at no-charge to the prospective adoptive parents and household members, who are at least 18 years of age upon expiration of the fingerprint validity period of 15 months. Also, if the prospective adoptive parents have not yet filed a Form I-600, and make a written to extend the approval period of a Form I-600A, it is not necessary for them to pay the biometrics fee again to be fingerprinted in connection with the extension request. A. If you live in Guam and are filing your petition there, make it payable to Treasurer, Guam. B. If you live in the U.S. Virgin Islands and are filing your petition there, make it payable to Commissioner of Finance of the Virgin Islands. NOTE: Please spell out U.S. Department of Homeland Security; do not use the initials “USDHS” or “DHS.” Biometric services. As part of the USCIS biometric services requirement, the following persons must be fingerprinted in connection with this application: Notice to Those Making Payment by Check. If you send us a check, it will be converted into an electronic funds transfer(EFT). This means we will copy your check and use the account information on it to electronically debit your account for the amount of the check. The debit from your account will usually take 24 hours, and will be shown on your regular account statement. 1. The married prospective adoptive parent and spouse, if applicable, and 2. Each additional adult member 18 years of age or older, of the prospective adoptive parent(s)’ household. NOTE: Submit a copy of the birth certificate of each qualifying household member over 18. You will not receive your original check back. We will destroy your original check, but we will keep a copy of it. If the EFT cannot be processed for technical reasons, you authorize us to process the copy in place of your original check. If the EFT cannot be completed because of insufficient funds, we may try to make the transfer up to two times. If necessary, USCIS may also take each person’s photograph and signature as part of the biometric services. Petitioners residing in the United States. After filing this petition, USCIS will notify each person in writing of the time and location where they must go to be fingerprinted. Failure to appear to be fingerprinted or for other biometric services may result in denial of this application.

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How to Check If the Fees Are Correct. The form and biometric fees on this form are current as the the edition date appearing in the lower right corner of this page. However, because USCIS fees change periodically, you can verify if the fees are correct by following one of the steps below: Petitioners residing abroad. Completed fingerprint cards (Forms FD-258) must be submitted with this application. Do not bend, fold or crease the completed fingerprint cards. The fingerprint cards must be prepared by a U.S. embassy or consulate, USCIS office or U.S. military installation. 1. Visit our website at www.uscis.gov, select “Immigration Forms” check the appropriate fee; NOTE: If the prospective adoptive parent(s) and any other adult members of the household are residing abroad at the time of filing, they are exempt from paying the biometric services fee for fingerprinting. However, they may have to pay fingerprinting fees charged by the U.S. Department of State or military installation. 2. Review the Fee Schedule included in your form package, if you called us to request the form or 3. Telephone our National Customer Service Center at 1-800-375-5283 and ask for the fee information. You may submit one check or money order for both the application and biometric fees. NOTE: If your Form I-600A requires payment of a biometric service fee for USCIS to take your fingerprints, photograph or signature, you can use the same procedure to obtain the correct biometric fee. Use the following guidelines when you prepare your check or money order for the Form I-600A and the biometric service fee: Form I-600A Instructions (Rev. 07/30/07)Y Page 4 Generally, Form I-600 should be submitted at the USCIS office where the advance processing application, Form I-600A, was filed. Prospective adoptive parent(s) going abroad to adopt or locate a child may file Form I-600 with either the USCIS office or American consulate or embassy having jurisdiction over the place where the child is residing or will be located, unless the case is being retained at the USCIS office stateside. Address Changes. If you change your address and you have an application or petition pending with USCIS, you may change your address on-line at www.uscis.gov, click on “Change your address with USCIS” and follow the prompts or by completing and mailing Form AR-11, Alien’s Change of Address Card, to:


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Certification. The “Certification of Prospective Adoptive Parent” block of Form I-600 A must be executed by the prospective adoptive parent. The spouse, if applicable, must execute the “Certification of Married Prospective Adoptive Parent Spouse” block on Page 2 of the form. Failure to do so will result in the rejection of the Form I-600A. U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services Change of Address P.O. Box 7134 London, KY 40742–7134 For commercial overnight or fast freight services only, mail to: Any Form I-600A that is not signed or accompanied by the correct fee, will be rejected with a notice that the Form I-600A is deficient. You may correct the deficiency and resubmit the Form I-600A. An application or petition is not considered properly filed until accepted by USCIS. U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services Change of Address 1084-I South Laurel Road London, KY 40744 Initial processing. Once a Form I-600A has been accepted, it will be checked for completeness, including submission of the required initial evidence. If you do not completely fill out the form, or file it without required initial evidence, you will not establish a basis for eligibility and we may deny your Form I-600A. Processing Information. What Should You Do After Locating and/or Identifying a Child or Children? Form I-600, Petition to Classify Orphan as an Immediate Relative, is filed when a child has been located and/or identified for the prospective adoptive parent(s). A new fee is not required if Form I-600 is filed within 18 months from the approval date of the Form I-600A application. Requests for more information or interview. We may request more information or evidence, or we may request that you appear at a USCIS office for an interview. We may also request that you submit the originals of any copy. We will return these originals when they are no longer required. If approved in the home study for more than one orphan, the prospective adoptive parent(s) may file a petition for each of the additional children to the maximum number approved. If the orphans are siblings, no additional filing fee is required. However, if the orphans are not siblings, an additional filing fee is required for each orphan beyond the first orphan. Decision. The decision on a Form I-600A involves a determination of whether you have established eligiblity for the requested benefit. You will be notified of the decision in writing.

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Extension of the Form I-600A approval period. If USCIS has approved your Form I-600A, and you have not yet filed a Form I-600 based on that approval, you may make one request, without fee, to have USCIS extend the approval period for your Form I-600A. You must submit a written request to the USCIS office that adjudicated the initial I-600A. The request must be received no earlier than 90 days prior to the expiration of the Form I-600A approval, but before the Form I-600A approval notice expires. For instance, if your Form I-600A approval notice is valid until December 31, you may not file the request before October 3, but must file it no later than December 31. A fee of $670.00 must be submitted for filing this petition. However, a fee is not required for this petition if you filed an advance processing application (Form I-600A) within the previous 18 months and it was approved or is still pending. NOTE: Approval of an advance processing application does not guarantee that the orphan petition(s) will be approved. Form I-600 must be accompanied by all the evidence required by the instructions of that form, except where provided previously with Form I-600A. Privacy Act Notice. The written request must explicitly request a one-time, no-charge extension to the current I-600A approval. You must submit an amended/ updated home study and any other supporting documentation of any changes in the household. The home study amendment/update must address each issue under 204.3(e) and indicate whether anything has changed on any item. The home study must also address any changes to the I-600A answers and must say whether approval is still recommended. Requesting a change of country. If you had USCIS send the approval notice for your Form I-600A to the Department of State office in a particular country, but now wish to adopt a child from a different country, you may make one request, without fee, to have a new approval notice sent to the Department of State office in the new country. You must submit a written request to the USCIS office that adjudicated the initial I-600A. You should also submit an updated or amended home study that addresses the change in country and whether the home study preparer recommends approval of the change, and that also addresses any other changes since your Form I-600A was approved. If you have received one free change of country, then you must submit a properly completed Form I-824, Application for Action on Approved Petitioner or Application, with the fee specified in 8 CFR 103.7(b), to obtain any additional change of country. We ask for the information on this form, and associated evidence, to determine if you have established eligibility for the immigration benefit for which you are filing. Our legal right to ask for this information can be


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found in the Immigration and Nationality Act, as amended. We may provide this information to other government agencies. Failure to provide this information, and any requested evidence, may delay a final decision or result in denial of your Form I-600A. Paperwork Reduction Act. An agency may not conduct or sponsor an information collection and a person is not required to respond to a collection of information unless it displays a currently valid OMB control number. The public reporting burden for this collection of information is estimated at 30 minutes per response, including the time for reviewing instructions, completing and submitting the form. Send comments regarding this burden estimate or any other aspect of this collection of information, including suggestions for reducing this burden, to: U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services, Regulatory Management Division, 111 Massachusetts Avenue, N.W., 3rd Floor, Suite 3008, Washington, DC 20529.OMB No. 1615–0028. Do not mail your application to this address. USCIS Forms and Information. To order USCIS forms, call our toll-free number at 1-800-870-3676. You can also get USCIS forms and information on immigration laws, regulations and procedures by telephoning our National Customer Service Center at 1–800–375–5283 or visiting our internet website at www.uscis.gov. As an alternative to waiting in line for assistance at your local USCIS office, you can now schedule an appointment through our internet-based system, InfoPass. To access the system, visit our website. Use the InfoPass appointment scheduler and follow the screen prompts to set up your appointment. InfoPass generates an electronic appointment notice that appears on the screen. Penalties. If you knowingly and willfully falsify or conceal a material fact or submit a false document with this Form I-600A, we will deny the Form I-600A and may deny any other immigration benefit. In addition, you will face severe penalties provided by law and may be subject to criminal prosecution. Once you have made it through this much of the paperwork, you may be feeling the notion of hurry up and wait. You can expect to wait anywhere from three to eight weeks for your approval to come. Once you have received your Notice of Action from the United States, your completed dossier will be sent to Moscow. This will prompt the Russian government to put your name on the list of waiting adoptive parents at the Ministry of Education (often referred to by its acronym, the MOE). You will receive a formal “Notice of Action” document in the mail a few weeks later that reads, “Notice of favorable disposition concerning application for advance processing of orphan petition. It has been determined that you are able to

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furnish proper care to an orphan as defined in Section 101 of the Immigration and Nationality Act. Your advance Visas have been forwarded to the American Consulate or Embassy in Moscow.” We submitted an application form for Advanced Processing of an Orphan Petition to the U.S. Department of Justice, Immigration and Naturalization Service. We certified that we were willing and able to care for an international child. We indicated that we would file a petition in Moscow at the Russian Embassy and that we would complete the adoption in St. Petersburg, Russia. Once we completed the forms and sent them to the U.S. Department of Justice we were to await word letting us know that the U.S. government had approved our request. A few weeks later, we received a letter indicating that we had been approved to continue with the process of petitioning the U.S. government for permission. We had an appointment to report to the Immigration and Naturalization office in Concord, New Hampshire for our computer-generated fingerprints. A guard scanned our bodies and my purse and then asked us to pass through the metal detector. I got stopped. I took off my jacket and pulled up my sleeves. I went through the detector again and was allowed to go into the waiting room. They rightfully treat you in an official manner, but I was there to adopt my baby; I wasn’t going to terrorize the place. Most of the people in the waiting room were either trying to obtain residence status or were trying to sponsor an immigrant. All were adults, speaking languages I didn’t understand. It was my turn. A woman brought me into a room without my husband and asked me to place one palm on a screen. It really was an amazing machine. She maneuvered my hand until she could get a clear picture of the eye of my fingerprint. We did this for each finger on both hands. Then it was Tim’s turn. We left to await the approval letter. The home study is done by an appointed social worker. Russian law mandates that you have a study completed before you are approved to adopt and that you agree to provide post-placement reports six months, one year, two years, and three years after the date of the actual adoption. It is critical that these be done in a timely manner as they have a direct impact on the waiting time of other parents obtaining their referrals and the continued accreditation of your agency. The home study with the social worker was our first and only opportunity to prove ourselves to her and ultimately to the adoption agency. I made cookies. Tim made a warm fire. The house was as clean as it ever had been since we had moved in. We were ready. She came on that afternoon to do an interview and for us to show her around the house. It was her job to observe us and confirm her confidence in our character, our marriage, our parenting ability, our economic stability, and to see that we had appropriate accommodations for a child.


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She wasn’t intimidating. We quickly realized that she wanted us to adopt a baby. She understood the reality of the lives of the hundreds of orphans in Russia. We had a very nice visit lasting over two hours. The time flew, an indication to me that it was time well spent. She asked us how we were raised as children and to cite examples of how our parents have handled different situations in our lives. We both provided examples of how we were loved, inspired, supported, and even disciplined. Tim thought it was funny when I told her that my brother and I were made to stay in the car after an hour and one half of fighting as we drove to visit my grandparents in Brockton, Massachusetts. I told the social worker how my young aunts and uncles would taunt and make fun of us from the picture window of my grandparents’ kitchen for being made to sit in the car. We told her there was nothing we would change about the way both of us were brought up. I shared with her how devoted my parents were to their children. My father did hard physical work all day and my mother stayed home with the children. My mother was always the disciplinarian and my dad the one we horsed around with. It was my father whom I went to when I got into trouble. I told her about the days my parents would come into our bedrooms before six in the morning to tell us that we were not going to school. They called them “mental health days.” My Dad flashed Red Sox tickets and the whole family cancelled everything for that day to spend the day together. For sure that would be one tradition from my growing-up years that I want to have with our children. Tim’s face lit up with her question. He knew how to describe his family and his parents’ commitment to their children. He reminisced about the cold winters when his parents would prepare a winter picnic in knee-deep snow for the family. They would pack the hot dogs, the cocoa, and go to the same spot year after year. The site was just about one hundred yards behind their home. There was a huge tree that had long fallen over, which created a natural and cozy block from the winter wind—the perfect spot for a winter fire. The family worked together to get it going and enjoyed stories and winter warm-up food around their fire. At the end of the social worker’s visit, we felt confident and accomplished that the meeting had gone so well. She seemed pleased with us and the entire interview. She left telling us that we should expect a narrative of the interview in the mail in the coming weeks. We needed to find a way to pay for the costs of the adoption process. Refinancing our house was the fastest and least expensive route to get the money we would need. Just three weeks after the house appraisal we had close to what we thought we would need to cover the costs the agency charges, the cost of apostilling all of the documents, the in-country fees, and the two trips to Russia we would be taking. The fees to the agency and the in-country fees will be the most costly part of the adoption process. The in-country fee is

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money paid to the facilitator who then disperses the funds. The cost is about the amount you would have spent on your child had they been home with you since birth. Much of what you are paying goes to the orphanage for what it cost them to care for the child in the absence of their parents. While we were waiting for our referral, I spent a lot of time e-mailing Olia, a former Russian exchange student of mine from Moscow. It was helpful to communicate with her during the adoption process. She prepared us for what we could expect when we would finally travel to Russia. She seemed proud that we wanted a Russian-born child. The best thing we learned from Olia was how to tell our new child that we loved him in Russian at the moment we met him. Once the home study report was complete the agency could send our dossier to Russia. There was nothing more we could do to expedite the process. Now the Russians would learn about us and begin working with the orphanage facilitators to look for a baby for us to adopt. Shortly thereafter, we received word that they had reviewed all of our documents and that we had been approved in Russia to accept an assignment. Albeit time-consuming, emotional, and confusing, I often thought that the actual process was easier in many ways than the mundane waiting. Every day after work, every time the phone rang we awaited word. This was what we were waiting for! The Russians would now learn about us and know that we were awaiting a referral. It felt so good to have our information over there. Now they could begin working with the orphanage facilitators to look for a baby for us. Shortly thereafter, we received word that they had reviewed all of our documents and that we had been approved in Russia to accept an assignment.

CHAPTER 3

The Meeting

You will receive your referral by phone. The call will come from your adoption agency. They will call with information of a child who is available for an adoption by an international couple—that’s you! Do not expect to have many details about your prospective child. Obtaining that information is part of the reason for the first trip to Russia. You may only be told the sex and approximate age of the child. If you are lucky, you may be able to have a picture of the child e-mailed to you. This is certainly one of those leap of faith moments in your adoption journey. Once you accept the referral from the little information you have been given during the call, you will soon arrange travel to Russia. We decided to make a pillow for our child as a gift that we were sure would be kept for him. The pillow was a great suggestion from my mother as a safe comfort item for him to have in his bed with him at all times. The picture of our faces on the pillow made it the first thing that truly belonged to him, and it kept a piece of us with him while we were away. It remains the only thing that he has from that time in his life. You really need to be prepared for the moment you meet your child for the very first time. The children typically look very pale, are quite thin, and may have skin rashes. They may not make eye contact or have much interest in you at all. Children living in an orphanage are very likely prone to have some temporary health issues and emotional delays. There were just over one hundred children that lived in the Baby House that both of our children are from. We were lucky enough to see our younger son, Charlie’s bedroom in the orphanage. He was sleeping with one of thirteen children in a small porta crib. When that many children live in such close quarters they are more susceptible to communicable diseases and other infections. The nurses that are caring for all of these children are doing the best they can. But, there is not enough money to feed them with

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nutritionally balanced meals or to adequately care for each of them. There is certainly a lack of stimulation as there is not enough help to bring the children out of the cribs for traditional exercise and play. There is not a lot of time for the children to be taken outside. Many of the babies who ultimately end up in an orphanage either arrive there after their mother surrenders her rights because as she cannot care for them, or the mother’s parental rights have been revoked for some reason. Most children in this situation did not receive much, if any, prenatal care and some of the birthmothers do not even know how far along they were in their pregnancy because of this. It is believed that many children in orphanages are the product of premature birth due to their low birth weights. You can get invaluable information from parents who have experienced this meeting and can speak to how their children are now by writing to members of a Listserv such as the group [email protected]. Many of these issues are temporary. You will certainly enjoy and find comfort in reading stories from other adoptive parents about all the wonderful experiences that you are about to embark on. When you are packing, you will want to consider that the Russians “bundle” the kids, even in the summer months. It is not unlikely that the children in the orphanages are wearing tights underneath long pants in July. St. Petersburg was built on a swamp, so much of the reason they completely cover the children’s skin is probably an attempt to minimize the mosquito bites they endure. You will want to pack appropriate clothes for the weather—pack layers of clothing as the weather can be quite cool, even in the summer. On the first trip, be sure to include your donations to the orphanage (the adoption agency can suggest ideas for donations). You will also want to take engaging toys that will help the child feel at ease while you are visiting with him or her. Having educational toys to play with will also provide a means of evaluating, to some degree, the cognitive and physical development of the child. The baby/child may also like plain biscuits or crackers such as Goldfish. Be sure to check for any allergies before you give the child any food. Since food is a pleasure for the child, giving the child the food directly will help them to associate you with feeling good. Be sure to pack your video camera, laptop, and your camera. (You may also consider packing a disposable camera to give the nurses so they can take pictures of your new child once you have traveled back to the U.S. to await your court date.) Take a journal with you so that you can document your experiences while on the trip. There are many books and even movies to watch to familiarize yourself with Russia and St. Petersburg before you travel. Understanding the culture your child was born into will someday be an invaluable gift to share with him. By researching Russian customs, etiquette, cuisine, language, and fashion before your visit, you will feel more prepared for what to expect. Some Web sites that can help with planning your travel include:

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www.lonleyplanet.com; www.nevsky-prospekt.com; www.waytorussia.net; www. hon.ru, and www.GoToRussia.com. Her presence told us why we had come. We never spoke a word. She didn’t know our language and we didn’t know hers. She had beautiful eyes—eyes so blue and telling that I felt as though I could see through them into her soul. She wore no identity on her expressionless face. Her skin was an innocent milky white. Her blonde hair was straggly and untrimmed and she wore filthy clothes. I didn’t know her name; I wondered if she even knew her birthday. Her urine-stained pants were way too small for her. As I walked closer to her, her sad eyes followed my exact movements. Without as much as a word, her emptiness told me that she didn’t mind my husband and me standing over her. She was interested in me and I fascinated with her. I didn’t feel it inappropriate to stand over her and lay my hand atop her head. She looked up at me with a shy and unsure but warm smile, as if only comforted for a moment. She has nothing, I thought. She has nowhere to sleep tonight; she has no parents. She may have been eight, possibly only seven. A smile and a brief touch on the head of this perfect stranger made me cry. Standing with her we could see into the two frayed cardboard boxes at her side. Out of them, she was selling tiny kittens. Her price was ten rubles per cat, which equated to about three dollars U.S. currency. Each kitten was kept in rein by a loose rope tied around its skinny neck. She was very gentle with the kittens—obviously because she needed the profit, or maybe just because she loved them. I think it was the latter. It was as if she were invisible. There were lines and lines of people traveling toward and away from the three of us. Not one person paid any attention to her presence. This must be commonplace. It must not be unusual to see a beautiful little girl scrounging for money to stay alive. This beautiful little girl should have been playing house with her dolls on a warm, carpeted playroom in her home. Dinner should be almost ready and she should be sitting with her parents talking about everyone’s day, followed up with a warm bath. This isn’t her life, though. She has nowhere to sleep; no one will tuck her into bed tonight with a story and a kiss with wishes of sweet dreams. I imagined she would lead a life of loneliness with no real future. I remember reading somewhere that the average life expectancy for an orphan living on the streets of Russia is thirty-two years. I did not want this to be the fate of the baby we had come to meet. It was very hard to walk away from her—leaving someone so vulnerable sitting on the cold dirty floor of the underground passage. We had been looking for a restaurant but I felt guilty, and was no longer excited about having our first taste of Russian cuisine. We had felt absolutely elated that we had made it to the city where our child had lived up to this point. We were experiencing his city for the first time. Just as quickly, as we walked down the ramp and into the underground passage, our whole thought process was altered.

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We found a cafe right on Nevsky—St. Petersburg’s main thoroughfare— and plunked ourselves down at a bistro table on the edge of the street. This would be a great spot for people watching, I thought. What a view. People were everywhere. The Russians walking along Nevsky were such beautiful people. They had well-defined faces and slender bodies. You could spot an American tourist quite easily. In general, we were bigger than they were, but our teeth were healthier looking. Most of the Russian women had beautiful bodies and were more than willing to show them off. Many of the women did not wear bras under their skimpy shirts and the men wore mesh shirts that were completely seethrough. More often than not, the girls and women would pass us holding one another’s hand. Young teenagers traveled in packs. I wondered if these kids were orphans. A little boy came up to us. He had such a sweet voice that made it fun to listen beyond his thick accent to figure out what he was saying. He was asking us for money. Feeling unsure of what to do, I gave him one U.S. dollar. His face lit up and he bowed in thanks from the corner of our table. I watched him leave. My eyes followed him to a man, about my age, who collected the dollar from the small child. Ah, clever, I thought. After dinner, we made it back to our hotel to shower and prepare for the day ahead, for the moment we had been focusing on for the past seven months. It was a rough night’s sleep—one of those that dragged on and on, while at the same time, we were grateful for every fifteen minutes that passed. The clock said 5:00 A.M. Only five and a half more hours until our driver was to meet us in the hotel lobby to take us to the orphanage for the very first time. We knew we had to make a stop at the Russian Consulate to obtain an official invitation to enter the orphanage itself, but I didn’t think that would take too long. Per my calculations, we would be holding our son for the first time by 11:00 A.M. Everything we did was slowed by my nervous daydreaming of the hours that lay ahead. The morning dragged on forever. We got dressed and prepared a bag for the baby. We packed a blanket, a teddy bear, a blue dog, his pillow, and a child-safe photo album of his new family. I couldn’t wait to show him his grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins, and all of those who loved him so much already. After a breakfast of a turkey club with an egg in it (the only thing we could identify on the menu of this particular restaurant), and a stroll around the beautiful Grand Kempinski Europa Hotel, we went back to our room to wait and wait. Minutes were hours and I felt more and more anxious. Finally, we saw 10:15 on the alarm clock. We thought we’d better get downstairs to be there when Viktor, our interpreter, came for us. Tim was securing the money belt that held thousands of dollars around his waist. Money belts had been suggested to us because they are out of sight, unlike

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the pocket used for your money hung by a cord around your neck. The phone rang. It was Viktor telling us that we were going to have to wait until 1:30 to make our way to the orphanage. I couldn’t believe it. We had flown around the world and stopped our lives as we know them to get our son. We were so ready to finally meet him and we were faced with another delay. This time we would have to wait a few hours, but these hours passed as if they were a whole day. Here is another hurry up and wait during the adoption process; this was one of those times. Viktor was in the lobby just after one. We quickly loaded our things into his Montero Sport and were greeted by Viktoria, Vika for short. Vika was another facilitator and translator for our adoption while we were in Russia. Vika was holding a lot of official-looking paperwork, none of which I could identify. Even though I was becoming accustomed to reading our names in Russian, nothing looked recognizable. Vika was a very bright and attractive Russian woman, probably five years younger than me. She wore flattering clothes and pointed shoes. Her make-up looked so elegant on her detailed face. You could tell she didn’t need much primping to be beautiful. She was as nice as she was pretty. She wanted to be sure we were comfortable, attempting her best to explain the Russian jokes everyone was laughing at. She was new to the job and had a hard time communicating with us. We all found ourselves repeating the same things over and over again and then laughing at the lack of understanding. It was as if somehow the more you said the same word the other person would eventually understand. She very much wanted to not only prove herself in her new position but she wanted us to be happy and feel included. I whispered to Tim asking him if he thought she had any more information for us on our new son. All we knew about this particular child when we accepted the referral was his gender and the month and year of his birth. We knew he would turn one sometime this month. Tim knew that it was worth a try, that she would help us in any way she could. We were so intent on watching one another speak. It truly did seem to help if we watched hand gestures and facial expressions. I slowly asked, “Do you know his name?” After a brief silence, she muttered, “Uh, da, Sergei” was her response as she was reading through our documents. Sergei! We were so excited. It was as if he was ours all along. We knew now, more than ever that he was our son. Recalling a conversation I had with my brother, I knew this child was supposed to be ours. Months before we even got the referral, he told me that Tim and I should really consider naming our son Sergei. He explained that the baby was and would always be Russian and that we should keep that heritage alive for him. We buzzed through the crowded narrow streets toward Nevsky Prospekt. Nevsky is the avenue you have to go to first to get anywhere around St. Petersburg. We drove in heavy traffic for what seemed to be the better

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part of an hour passing building after building with nothing separating one from the next. The scenery reminded me of Sesame Street. Each tall narrow building was connected to the next, each with fancy molding decorating the division between the face of the building and the roof. Maybe it was because everything in this city was so unfamiliar that it was always hard to judge where we were. Tim asked Vika, who was still reading our paperwork, if she knew when Sergei’s birthday was. She was too excited to wait for him to finish his sentence. Waving her arms, she answered with her sweet Russian accent, He one yesterday!” We could hardly believe it. Our new baby turned one year old on the day we landed in his country! I was so grateful that we were here for this child. He must be the baby we were supposed to have as our son. All we had done to prepare for this adoption finally seemed so removed from the moment we met him. As we reflected on some of the more difficult times throughout the adoption, I remembered a time during our experience when we were actually asked to consider a child other than Sergei: “Any word?” I demanded. I wasn’t expecting what I heard next. “Alisa, why don’t you and Tim consider another baby?” Again, I wasn’t sure if I was really hearing what I thought was being said. “What?!” The executive director of the adoption agency was asking us to have an open mind to accepting another child who was considered available for an international adoption. “It seems as though this child is not yet available for adoption.” “What are you talking about?” In a very steady voice he explained that Russian law mandates that a child is not legally available for an international adoption until they have been “refused” by three Russian families. Our son had only been refused once. Although I heard every word, I didn’t hear a thing. Refused?! What?! We want him! He went on to tell me that we would have to cancel all travel arrangements and await another invitation. There was no more information on when that would be. He explained as carefully as he could that there are many risks involved in international adoptions, one being that things can change and mistakes can be made. The mistake was that this particular child was referred to us before he was considered available to be adopted by an international couple. After a tearful and frustrating conversation, I called my husband at work; not to broach the idea of accepting another child who would most likely come much sooner to us, but to make him aware of this major, potentially devastating setback. Before I even finished my conversation with him, he was on his way home. We felt like we were the parents who had to make the difficult decision of putting a child up for adoption. There was no way that we could let go of this particular child. Like the director said, as a way of comforting us, we had not yet seen the child, we didn’t know his name, and we didn’t

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know his birthday. That was all very true. But he was alive in our hearts. I understand that things happen for a reason and I understand the notion that maybe he wasn’t the right child for us. However, more importantly, we truly believed he was. We called the agency back and told them that we needed this child, and we would wait. It was explained to us that the refusal process could take months but that they would communicate our intentions to the Russians to keep the referral of this child. It was agreed that the Russian facilitators would do everything in their power to expedite this seemingly unnecessary and possibly tragic process. We decided that we would do whatever it took to pursue the referral of this child and that if we lost him it would not be because we didn’t do everything in our power to become his parents. The threat of losing the child was very real during the next few weeks. We got excited every time we heard that another refusal had come through but we knew we weren’t out of the danger area yet. At any moment, a family could decide to adopt this child and we would lose him. I found an enormous amount of comfort in the overwhelming feeling that this child was already ours. I really never believed that a Russian family would take him as their own, even though it could have happened very easily without us even being warned. While waiting, we received a package from the adoption agency as we had so many times before. I got the mail and opened it. Inside there was a beautiful quote written by an unknown author. It read: You are not flesh of my flesh Nor bone of my bone Still miraculously my own; Never forget For a single minute That you Did not grow Under my heart But in it

I remember thinking: I know I am frustrated, but there is no way anyone would send this if there wasn’t a baby over there for us. He was so real to me every night when I dreamt about what it would be like being his mother and welcoming him into our family. As everyone in St. Petersburg does, Viktor parked his SUV by pulling it halfway up the curb, resting the vehicle on the sidewalk with its hind end in the street. We had finally arrived at the Ministry of Education (MOE) where we were to receive an official document indicating that we had been welcomed by Russian officials to go onto the orphanage grounds. The unassuming building looked just like any other and we would have never found the right entrance if we weren’t with people who knew the

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place. Nothing was identifiable. There were not even signs on the concrete row of buildings, only a few numbers hung off a sign that looked like it may light up at night. As we entered, we were first greeted by a large, dark-haired Russian man who was perched in a glass box. It reminded me of the security glass gas attendants sit behind in dangerous communities in the States. After showing our identification and offering some legal paperwork from the Russian government explaining the purpose of our trip, he waved us through to sit in a little waiting room. There was one other American couple there for the same purpose. They were excited and nervous, just as we were. Even though they were from Chicago, we felt like neighbors. As much as we were enjoying our Russian team, it felt very good to have a conversation in English with people so much like us. It was just easy. The fast, gruff sound of Russian voices accompanied by a lot of hand waving made us uneasy very quickly. We soon learned that the worker who gives such invitations had been rushed to the hospital yesterday and not yet returned to work. Of course, there was no one else who could give us the invite. Viktor sat quietly for moment and then motioned for us to follow him. We all loaded into the SUV and he said, “We’ll go, we’ll go.” We’ll go where? We didn’t know where we were headed until we turned down this dusty potholed side street lined with huge dilapidated buildings. We knew this had to be the neighborhood of the orphanages. Nearer to the end of the street all the buildings looked the same. There were two yellow buildings with a run-down play yard in between them. Viktor pulled his vehicle right up onto the sidewalk and told us to wait in the car. What if it wasn’t a match? What if we frightened him? What if he acted “institutionalized?” What if his blood tests come back abnormal and we’ve already fallen in love with him? These questions were like a hurricane of thoughts coming and going all at once. Tim sat next to me with a look that told me he was fighting back every emotion he felt. What will he think? Will he accept us? Will he fall in love with us? I wondered. All too soon, but not soon enough, we were about to find out. Viktor surfaced from the gray door and motioned for us to come meet him. We were led into the orphanage down a narrow hallway under construction. There were workers nailing new floorboards down the corridor. They acted more than pleased to break for a warm greeting, which was a pleasant nod as if to say Welcome, thanks for coming. There is no way one would believe close to one hundred children from the ages of newborn to four years old lived in this orphanage. It almost felt as if we were in the wrong place. Where were the children and their things? Where are the screams and laughs of so many young children playing? Where were the toys, the potty seats, and bottles? We moved a sheet hanging as a curtain out of the doorway so that we could continue down the dark hallway. There, taking up the entire right

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wall, was the first sense that we were in the right place—the first childoriented thing we saw inside the orphanage. A colorful mural was painted there that seemed to be describing Russian folk stories. There was a large dancing bear and a scary looking wolf in the woods. The human characters wore detailed dresses and bonnets. Passing the mural, we entered a small waiting room with a small desk in the corner. The smell of the place was old but also very clean. Viktor told us to wait here and to make ourselves comfortable on the couch and that either the head nurse or the orphanage director would bring our son to us. I remember looking out the windows and feeling very confined. The windows were tightly closed and were like nothing I’d ever seen before. They were encased in rod bars that were in the shape of a quarter of a circle with bars coming off the circle at an angle. The design looked like the sun with rays coming away from it. Thoughts were racing through my mind. It struck me that all we had accomplished to get to this point meant nothing until we had our child in our arms. I knew I didn’t want to be anywhere else in the world, but, at the same time, I wasn’t sure I wanted to be in this room either. It was the moment of truth. It felt comforting to know that we were finally in the same building as our son. Any one of the cries we could now hear throughout the halls could be his. This was the very first time we would make eye contact with our son. I had no idea what to expect; I was so curious to see if he at all resembled the images of my baby I had carried in my heart over the last months. The air was thick, probably from our breathing! I remember starting to cry as my husband held my leg and said, “This is it, baby,” which somehow didn’t work on easing my fears. His warm, sweaty palms told me how nervous he was. I asked for tissues but there weren’t any. I couldn’t imagine how I could have forgotten them. I felt sick to my stomach and hot. Voices were gaining volume in the hallway. We stared at the door perched open. All of a sudden, the orphanage director came through the door. She was holding a very long and thin baby. At first, we could only see the back of him. We both jumped up to greet him. She turned him to us and said, “Sergei, da Muma and da Papa.” This small sickly face with glazed eyes and a rash around his mouth looked at us with great effort. He let out a small whimper. She handed him to me and I sat down quickly for fear of falling over. Emotions rushed through my body. I tried to sit him on my lap. He was bundled in a pair of overalls that tied on his shoulders so that he, along with many other children of different sizes, could fit into them. He felt very stiff and I had to help him to bend his legs at the hips and knees to form to my lap. I knew he would be swaddled in clothes, but I did not think he would be so tightly wrapped that he could not even bend his body. His head was small and pale. It was long and narrow and I knew what that meant. I could see his small blue veins just under the surface of his thin, almost transparent skin. They were the first sign of life I noticed.

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I tried to talk to him through the emotional knot in my throat. I studied him. We had been practicing saying “I love you” in Russian since we first learned the translation “Ya tebeda le bleu.” “Ya tebleda le bleu,” I repeated. “Hi Baby,” I said. “I am your Mommy. I have waited so long for you and I love you so much.” As if he heard and understood every word I spoke in English, he leaned into me and placed his long thin fingers on my cheek and his wet nose on my lips. This child did understand the depth of my love for him. My husband was told to be patient. They warned him that the baby had never been held by a man before and was likely to be very afraid of him at first. We had no idea what his reaction would be to my husband and I worried in private that the baby would cry or feel uncomfortable in his arms. In the arms of his father, yes—the only man who had ever held him up to this point—but more importantly, the man who loved him more than any other. The baby was obviously very sick when we first met him. His breathing was labored and he seemed tired. I asked one of the diligent caretakers in the room if the bulk under his clothes at his chest was some sort of respirator. Once the translation went through, the room erupted in laughter. We were told that it was a heavy towel to keep our baby from wetting on us. They explained that there is no medicine, much less a respirator, for the children. Nor were there any diapers. We were shocked. Viktor wanted to take the opportunity to read the Russian medical reports for our son. We sat with the baby in our arms while he read. We got a lot of details about his actual birth and a little history of his biological mother and her family. There was nothing documented about his biological father. It was an eerie feeling. I already felt like I loved him and all of these details about his birth family were making these people feel so real. I felt sad. I was sorry that they were going to miss watching him grow up. We learned that his mother was very young and had virtually no money. I felt such respect for her for caring for her body while she carried him for me. She must have loved him enough to realize that he deserved a chance to live a healthy, fulfilling life. Viktor read that his biological mother had signed her rights to this child away in January. I could not believe the date; it was the day after Tim and I had made the decision to adopt a child. We figured out that since Russia is eight hours ahead of eastern standard time, there was a window of just a few short hours from when we were having an emotional conversation about adoption in our living room in New Hampshire and when she, halfway across the world, was making a decision to put our baby up for adoption. Viktor continued for the better part of an hour translating and detailing the medical records. He told us that the baby was never visited by anyone in his family during his time at the orphanage. Although this was heartbreaking to hear as we were looking at this beautiful little boy, I think there would have been no way they could have visited. I am sure they would have fallen in love him, just as we had, and would have wanted to

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take him home. I respected them for realizing that they could not see him. Most importantly, we decided that this is how we were going to explain this information to him someday. Once we had decided that we wanted to repeat a physical for the baby, Viktor told us that we would have to use part of our visiting time to take him to the doctor for the exam. We brought our baby to the Euro Med Clinic for a full physical, repeat blood work, and most importantly, to be evaluated for his current sickness. We were immediately impressed with the office itself. It was very clean and friendly. The office was without a doubt the most sterile place we had been to so far in our travels throughout St. Petersburg. The glistening floors were thick with gloss and the white coats on the doctors were starched. An impressive saltwater fish tank and a corner loaded with toys and books countered the somewhat institutional feel of the place. There were many books of familiar children’s stories, all written in English. They must have a significant number of English-speaking adoptive couples come through the doors. Tim held the baby at his chest in front of the huge saltwater fish tank. Pretending not to be listening, I watched as my husband told his son about fish and where they live and what they eat. It was the first time I had ever heard him talk so softly and sweetly. The doctor was very nice; I could see through his shiny, outdated glasses that his eyes had wrinkles around them from smiling. He spoke intelligently and articulated the English language very well. He talked briefly with us before he began the evaluation. He told us that he had worked in the United States as a pediatrician for ten years. Before he began the physical exam he told us that he would need to rely on Tim and me to restrain the baby while he took some blood. Because the baby’s arms were so small, the doctor said he may need to try both arms and even the top of his hands to get the amount of blood sample he needed. Little Sergei gave Tim a frightened look as he took him from his chest and placed him on the huge blue examination table. He immediately began to scream before the doctor had even touched him. I felt as though we had betrayed him. He had just begun trusting us and we turned on him. Maybe we were wrong to have done this to him. We had recent results of blood work provided to us at the orphanage. Viktor had read his entire medical history to us just the day before. Why were we putting him through this? It was for us, not him. We were the ones who wanted to witness the blood work and await the results. I began to cry. I looked at Tim for support only to see that he too was choking back tears. I could not believe how much we already loved our baby. The doctor diagnosed Sergei with severe bronchitis and prescribed four medications. Three were antibiotics and one was for his pain. He then asked to speak to us in private. He told us that we were under no obligation and should feel no pressure to pay for the medicine. Without question, we did. The doctor put his arm around me and whispered that he would not charge

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us the customary $275.00 for the exam because we had bought the medicine. To fill the prescriptions cost us only $45.00. We asked what would happen to a child in his condition who did not receive the medicine. He explained that those children are transferred to an orphanage where other sick children reside as to not infect the other healthy children. There, the children either conquer their illness on their own, or don’t. Most often they die. It is likely that there may be changes in the process of Russian adoption while you are adopting. Recently, the Russians have instituted that the 8-Point Medical Report be required by international couples. You may consult your agency for specific directions on how to complete this. I understand that many adopting parents wait until they are in Russia on their first trip to complete this report. Their Russian facilitators helped them to get appointments with the necessary doctors to complete the exams in one day. The 8-Point Medical is another series of tests that the Russian government is requiring of adoptive couples. You and any other children living in your home will have other medical exams and blood tests but the 8-Point medical is for the prospective parents to complete either here in the U.S. before you travel, or can also be completed once you have arrived in Russia. The tests include an appointment with a pulmonologist, cardiologist, radiologist, psychiatrist, neurologist, and oncologist. You will need to have a chest x-ray, EKG, repeat blood work, repeat blood pressure (no, that last one is not a joke). You can anticipate that the psychiatrist has read your home study and is familiar with you before this meeting. Remember that the inclusion of these additional tests is likely to be in response to the tragic deaths of Russian children adopted by Americans. It is costly, somewhere in the neighborhood of 1,000.00 dollars per parent, but is just one of those necessary evils that will lead you to your child. We visited with our son for two more days. We held him and talked to him constantly. I dreamt of the days when we could finally be a normal family—when we would not have people looking over our shoulder to ensure the baby was comfortable. As much as I understood and appreciated their presence, I also wanted to be alone with the baby and talk to him as I would in the comfort of our own home. We went through a photo album my friend had prepared for our son that was filled with everyone who loved him back at home. We got him to laugh a few times by tossing him into the air and tickling him. We gave him a pillow that had a picture of my husband and me on the front of it. My mother had made it from a picture of us with the words, “We love you” across the top and “Mommy and Daddy” along the bottom. We wanted our son to keep it in his crib so that he could see us every day while we were home awaiting notice of a court date. We thought this would help him to recognize us and not be afraid when we returned for him. It was so exciting to know that this would be the very first gift we would give our new son. I remember how I had walked up to the portable cart in

The Meeting

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the mall back in New Hampshire and handed a young girl the picture. I could feel the emotion surge through me as she looked at me for directions as to what I wanted her to do with the picture. I couldn’t talk; I could feel the heat from the blotches crawling up my neck and into my face. How do I tell someone that we needed a way for our baby to remember us when we had to leave him in a foreign country for an undisclosed amount of time? I finally gathered myself and said lightly, “Please write, We love you on the top of this picture.” She smiled an uncomfortable smile and said, “Anything else?” I said, “Yes, please put Mommy and Daddy on the bottom of the picture.” She had me wait a minute while she brought the image up on her screen. “What do you think?” she asked. When I looked at it I felt as though I was the only person in the world. I was looking at the very first gift to our son. I noticed that Mommy was written under Tim’s face and Daddy under mine. I didn’t have the strength in my voice to change it. He loved the pillow. He became very animated by it. He was smiling at our faces and touching them. Then, he thought it was funny to hit the pillow. It was the very first time we heard his belly laugh. I caught his first laugh on video. Tim was tossing him into the air and catching him. We had bonded. We knew we belonged together and he made us a family. In the evenings when we were not at the orphanage or doing errands to move the adoption forward, we spent much time on the streets of St. Petersburg. It truly is an incredible city with a lot of fun things to do. There are beautiful river boats for touring the city from the shores. There are plenty of restaurants and markets to visit. We enjoyed an outdoor concert at one of the many famous temples. Guidebooks on the city are very helpful to have with you at all times. We were amazed at how well we could read the signs that were all written in Russian. The fourth day came and we knew we would have to leave Sergei and fly back to the United States without him to await a court date. There wasn’t even a clue anyone could provide us with as to when the court date would be scheduled. It was very difficult to remain positive during this visit with the dread of saying goodbye to him looming over us. I wasted much of my visit imagining ways that we could stay until court. I thought we could come visit him everyday and get to know his country while we waited. All of those thoughts were ridiculous. The hour we were together was wonderful though. We took a lot of pictures and video of our baby with us. We were in awe of every sound he muttered. He smiled. It was so wonderful to see that he was finally starting to feel better. We were thrilled to watch his real personality come through as he got more and more comfortable in our arms. A nurse came in and asked for our baby. I handed him to her as to comply with their structured schedules. I thought he was going to get changed. All of a sudden, I realized this was it. She was taking him to join the group, and we would not see him again until we returned to Russia.

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Panic, anger, and disbelief surged through me. Where are you going with my baby? I began to scream before I realized what I was doing. “Bring him back, bring him back here!!!” Quickly, gruff Russian language filled the room. She had thought that we knew she was taking him from us. She returned with the baby and we were given the opportunity to say goodbye. That’s all I can say about that; there are no words. My husband and I left the orphanage and made our way to the hotel. We tried to sleep in preparation for our flight from St. Petersburg to Moscow and then from Moscow and finally to Boston. The travel would take just about twenty-four hours. There is such a difference packing to make a big trip across the world without your new baby you have just fallen in love with. It really didn’t matter if we left things in the room; we had no choice but to leave the ultimate behind. The next morning a driver picked us up and took us to the airport. The air was gray and thick; a depressing weight clutched our hearts. All we could see on the outskirts of the city was gray smoke. Tim asked the driver what it was. He told us not to worry, that there were huge brush fires but they were not near us. He explained that the fire was burning outside of the city. We knew we were not going to be affected by the fire, but what about the orphanage? The driver, who had not been with us before, could not answer us when we asked if the Baby Houses were in danger. He simply did not know. Moments like this were difficult to deal with. I knew there was no helping myself from imagining the fact that the uncontrolled fires could take the life of our new son and so many other beautiful children waiting for their parents. That simply was not an option. I fought with myself to not focus on those elements over which I had no control. We arrived at the airport and made our way through the customs line and checked our bags. We were quiet and feeling empty as we prepared to leave St. Petersburg without this new life we had fallen in love with in just four short days. Nothing could have prepared me for the pain, nor the intensity of its grip. I simply had not expected to feel so attached to this little baby from across the world. We boarded the plane back to Boston. Our physical bodies went home but our minds and our hearts, our spirits were left with our new baby at Baby House #6. The flight from St. Petersburg to Moscow was about an hour long, much like the experience of flying from Boston to New York. As soon as you reach cruising altitude, sip your coffee, you are asked to buckle up and prepare for descent. We landed in Moscow and found our way to our connecting flight. We shared ham and cheese croissants. Our conversation was labored, the mood empty. We looked around for a safe place to view the videos of us with our baby where no one would see the tapes. We huddled together trying to get the best look at the images fighting the bright sun coming in the windows. It

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seemed as though every time we viewed the tapes we found something new and exciting about our time together that we had somehow missed before. I hadn’t realized how much Sergei had studied Tim’s face. He really seemed to love touching his beard stubble. He truly was quite happy in his arms. There was one spot where he was laughing with us. I think we played that moment over and over again for at least twenty minutes. There was such a sense of gratification and hope generated in both of us as we watched. We got in line to board Delta Airlines from Moscow to New York. We completed those dreadful forms required by international flights giving our familial information as a means of contact if something went wrong with the flight. Not the best feeling as we left the terminal to get on the plane. We sat in first class. What a treat; we tried to make the best of it. We were in the middle row. Before we even made it to the runway, we realized the gentleman sitting next to us was sharing his video of his prospective child he was hoping to adopt with the man (a stranger to him) sitting to his right. He had gone to an orphanage in Moscow and had made the trip without his wife who was home with their little girl in Michigan. We spent nearly the entire trip talking and sharing many of the same experiences with him. It was definitely helpful to us and I hope to him as well. We enjoyed his tape and he ours. He made many comments about how vibrant and beautiful our little boy was. We landed in New York and made our way through U.S. Customs. We grabbed a taxi from La Guardia to Kennedy Airport where we would take the Delta Shuttle to Boston, where my parents would be waiting. It felt very different being on U.S. soil after such an amazing trip. It almost felt like we never went to Russia, never made friends over there, and never met our soonto-be child. My parents had just arrived at the airport and were there to greet us. Their mood was very different from ours. They were so excited, so congratulatory. They could not wait to see our videos of the little one we had told them about and had cried to them about over the long-distance phone calls. We must have sat in the airport parking lot for two hours talking to them, showing the video—including all of our comments along the way— and sharing pictures. We made it to our home exhausted, but full of adrenaline. The whole experience of being with our son was surreal. We weren’t sure it was a dream or a reality. We didn’t finish unpacking for days. Instead, we spent our time inviting our family and friends over for a viewing of the tapes and pictures. We talked about the baby all of the time; he had truly consumed us. As I listened to myself over the next few days that followed, I realized that I was unnecessarily justifying my incredible love for this child. I remember trying to convince everyone who I talked to that this child was not less than any other child because he was an orphan. He did not show any signs of any delays of a mental or physical nature. He was a bit small for his age, but I couldn’t wait for the opportunity to work on that!


CHAPTER 4

Seven Weeks of Waiting

You should be prepared to make significant donations to the orphanage and to the people who act as your facilitators while you are in Russia. Carry all donations with you at all times as you would your other valuable luggage. While you are in airports and going through customs, do not label them as humanitarian aid. Instead, you should call them as they are, gifts to the orphanage. To ensure they reach the right hands, give them to your Russian facilitator or directly to one of the nurses once you are at the orphanage. The orphanages in Russia are in great need of many items. It is a good idea to check with your agency to find out specifically what the needs are of the orphanage you will be traveling to. Orphanages always need new clothing, diapers, diaper ointment, mosquito repellant, new bottles, sippy cups, educational toys, etc. Try to avoid toys with directions written in English as many of the caretakers who interact with the children cannot read or speak English. You should also avoid stuffed animals as they can be a choking hazard (especially the ones with marble eyes) and can carry airborne bacteria. You may be asked by your agency to transport a specific donation when you travel. This is likely to be a computer, fax machine, or something else that the orphanage has requested. For your protection, you should disassemble and repack any items you agree to travel with before taking them. Please do not forget the facilitators that you will be working with Russia. They work tirelessly for very little money in an effort to bring your child to you. They have their own children and families that may love something from the United States that they might not else have access to. We brought our facilitator’s daughter a new doll and doll carriage. Monetary donations are greatly appreciated and should be seriously considered. Even if you feel as though you may not have much left once you are ready to travel to pick up your child, you should still try to give as

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much as you can. Remember that fifty or one hundred dollars means a lot more and goes a lot further in Russia than it does in this country. Check with your agency about wiring the in-country fee before you travel. If you are able, wire your in-country fees to your Russian facilitators. You must trust them! It is normal to feel awkward giving thousands of dollars to someone you don’t really know—this is just another point in the journey of adoption that you simply have to have trust in the people and the process. You are still able to carry ten thousand dollars out of the United States without having to claim it, but there are different laws for the country you are traveling to. Follow the advice of your facilitators with regard to all customs laws. I recommend using a money belt that is worn around your waist. Keep smaller bills that you will need while traveling in another safe area. Try to calculate exactly how much you will need so you will not have to find a corner to take your pants down to get at the money as Tim did when we were in a hotel lobby! An equity line of credit is a safe and relatively inexpensive way to get a loan to help cover the costs of the adoption. Many large companies will give couples monetary gifts (I have heard in the thousands!) to be used for the purposes of adoption. Check with your employer. Here is an overview of employer benefits and other funding venues taken from the Web site www.karensadoptionlinks.com that may be a good resource for you: Employers that Offer Adoptive Family Benefits • Employers with Adoption Benefits http://www.holtintl.org/benefits.shtml http://www.adoptionfriendlyworkplace.org/ employers.asp • Adoption Friendly Workplace http://www.adoptionfriendlyworkplace.org/ • Lobbying your employer for adoption https://www.adoptivefamilies.com/articles.php? benefits aid¼168 • Dave Thomas Foundation http://www.davethomasfoundationforadoption. org/html/

Information on Employer Provided Benefits • Adoption Benefits for Federal Employees • Military Families

http://www.opm.gov/employment_and_benefits/worklife http://www.nmfa.org/site/PageServer? pagename¼reus

Proposals • Sample Proposals for your employer • Melissa Sherlock • David C. Greene

http://workoptions.com/ http://www.holtintl.org/pdfs/template.pdf http://www.holtintl.org/pdfs/benefitproposal.pdf

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Seven Weeks of Waiting • Lori Factor-Marcus • One Page Proposal • Mary Jean Ohns

http://www.karensadoptionlinks.com/ lorisproposal.html http://www.karensadoptionlinks.com/onepage. html http://www.karensadoptionlinks.com/maryjean. html

Grant, Loans, & Funding Sites • A Child Waits (loans for older and special needs children) • Child Adoption Funds • Christian Advocates for Adoption • Dave Thomas Foundation Grants • Gift of Adoption • God’s Grace Adoption Ministry (grants) • Helping Kids Cope (domestic and international grants) • His Kids Too • Kingdom Kids Adoption Ministries • Open Arms Children’s Charities • Potter’s Hands • Shaohannah’s Hope (grants) • National Adoption Foundation

http://www.achildwaits.org http://www.childadoptionfunds.org http://www.cafadopt.org http://www.davethomasfoundationforadoption.org/html/gr http://www.giftofadoption.org http://www.ggam.org http://www.helpingkidscope.com/requesthelp.htm http://www.hiskidstoo.org http://www.kingdomkidsadoption.org http://www.open-arms.org http://www.potters-hands.org http://members.shaohannahshope.org http://www.nafadopt.org/NAFPrograms. htm

Fundraising Sites • • • • •

A Mother’s Love Fundraising Anna Bears Adoption Fundraising Invisible Rebate Baskets by Terry E-mail Lists about Fundraising

http://www.amotherslovefundraising.com http://annabears0.tripod.com http://www.invisiblerebateprogram.com http://www.basketsbyterry.com http://www.karensadoptionlinks.com/lists. html#fund

Tax Sites • IRS Publications (download Pub 968 Tax Benefits for Adoption) • IRS Forms (download Form 8839 and Instructions Qualified Adoption Expenses) • IRS Withholding Calculator • Adoption Tax Credit Info

http://www.irs.gov/formspubs/lists/0,, id¼97819,00.html http://www.irs.gov/formspubs/lists/0,, id¼97817,00.html http://www.irs.gov/individuals/article/ 0,,id¼96196,00.html http://www.holtintl.org/adoption/tax. shtml

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Miscellaneous Adoption Funding Sites • • • • • •

Adoption Subsidy Advocates NAIC Costs of Adopting Family & Medical Leave Act FMLA compliance guide National Adoption Center NAIC Financial Assistance

• Adoption Subsidy by State • Resources to defray the cost of adoption • Adoption Funding Ideas • Adoption Funding Ideas

http://www.fpsol.com/adoption/advocates.html http://naic.acf.hhs.gov/pubs/s_cost/s_cost.cfm http://www.dol.gov/esa/regs/statutes/whd/fmla.htm http://www.dol.gov/asp/fmla/APPENDIXF.htm http://www.adopt.org http://naic.acf.hhs.gov/parents/adoptive/funding/ index.cfm http://www.nacac.org/subsidy_stateprofiles.html http://www.angelfire.com/journal/adoptionhelp/ adopthelp.html http://www.welcomegarden.com/financing.htm http://www.chrysalishouse.com/funding.htm

Copyright C 2001–6 Karen Holt. All Rights Reserved. Holt, Karen. www.karensadoptionlinks.com

Americans traveling to Russia must have a visa. You will want to apply for a tourist visa rather than a business visa. There will be an option to obtain a dual-entry visa that may be appropriate for your travel plans. On some occasions, the adoption agency may know that your trips to Russia will be close together due to Russian holidays. Discuss the visa options with your adoption agency once you have received your itinerary. You can apply for your tourist visa online at the Russian Embassy Web site. We got our first referral for Jack on May 21 but because of a mistake with the refusal process, we did not travel until the end of August. We spent the summer weeks dreaming of what life was going to be like as parents. I painted every room in the house to curb my nervous energy. The baby’s nursery was warm and welcoming. I loved imagining what the crib would look like with my baby asleep in it. I sat in his room all the time—it was the only place in the house where it felt like a reality that he would be home some day. Why would we have done all of this to a spare room if a baby wasn’t on the way? I bought the best infant detergent—the kind with no allergens—and washed and refolded his clothes all the time. I remember burying my face in his blankets just to get that baby smell. I bought so many different baby shampoos that they would probably be expired by the time they were put to use. One thing I didn’t do anymore was clean the cat’s litter box. I have always hated the job (most do). We had a laugh when I told my husband that no expectant mother cleans kitty litter! When I think of how to best support adoptive parents during their wait for the court date, I really think the best advice is to keep busy. You will be busy getting the nursery ready and perhaps tidying things up at work in preparation for your maternity leave. There will be significant preparations to do for the arrival of the new adopted child especially if there are other children in your home. The children who are awaiting this arrival should be

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a part of getting the bedroom ready. Perhaps the children could make welcome posters and choose some special toys for the adopted child’s room. The weeks of waiting for the court date are a good time to begin teaching yourself some basics about the Russian language. Parents can buy audio tapes to use while in the waiting-game stage that give effective Russian language instruction. Knowledge of the language will prove very useful when you are in Russia and navigating your way around the streets. By listening to the tapes, you can work on hearing the language and the accent. The best methods of learning as much as you can about the Russian language are probably through listening tapes. The tapes will enable you to hear and practice the accent, not just memorize the word. You may find there is little additional time to devote to learning Russian before you travel for your adoption. However, you will be far more equipped to enjoy the city if you can at least recognize the Russian alphabet. You should try to learn common phrases so that you can read a map, navigate the metro system, read various signs and order at restaurants. Many listening tapes can be found at your local library at no cost. You should look for the Pimsleur or the Teresa Kelleher Tape series. Below is some useful information about the Russian Language taken from the Web site http://www.geocities.com/CollegePark/Bookstore/3230/basics.html. Russian alphabet Here you will get familiar with all those strange unreadable symbols you may have seen on the TV screen or elsewhere. You will understand that they are quite readable. Primarily Russian letters will be introduced as small pics in a table since you still might not have the Cyrillic support on your computer, but after the table and in all following lessons only Cyrillic font will be used in writing Russian words, so make sure that your browser is capable of reading Russian letters. In the following table, all of the 33 letters (both in upper and lower case) that the Russian alphabet comprises are presented, along with their rough English equivalents. More detailed consideration of pronunciation rules is still to follow. Table 4.1 Russian Alphabet Aa . Zz

Source: http://www.geocities.com/CollegePark/Bookstore/3230/alphabet.html

i, y e u, ju a, ja

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Note that these are only transliteration, not pronunciation rules. All present-day Russian letters are derived from ancient cyrillic alphabet by means of excluding some out-of-date letters and simplifying their writing form. The first reform of Russian alphabet was undertaken in 1708–1710 by Peter the Great and then in years 1735, 1738 and 1758 by the Russian Academy of Sciences. But 3 remaining unnecessary letters remained until 1917 when they were finally abolished. Special note should be taken of the letter “?,” introduced in 1797 by Russian author N. Karamzin, because it is only used as a teaching aid. You won’t see it anywhere in Russian papers, it is not present on the Russian keyboard, it is always replaced with the letter “E”, and as these letters are pronounced differently, it will be difficult for a learner to know which sound to pronounce when seeing the letter “E” in a word. In fact, all the words with the letter “?” should be learned by heart, and there are many of them. So, to help learners, I will use the letter “?” in writing words. By the way, there is no “?” letter in Ukrainian, combination “MJ” is used instead, so there is no such problem as described above in Ukrainian. You probably noticed that letters “}” (hard sign) and “M” (soft sign) have no Latin equivalents. That is because these letters are never pronounced in Russian. The former one is used only as a partitive letter between the prefix and the root of the word, e.g. c]ecnm (to have eaten), the latter is used as a softening sign telling that the consonant after which it is written must be palatalized (softened), compare vjk (particle used in retelling the other person’s words)-vjkm (moth). Soft sign is also used as a partitive sign but mainly in the root of the word, e.g. gm/n ((he) drinks). It is used to underline some grammatical features (feminine gender, imperative mood) as well. The letter “S” can never start a word except for the very rare words borrowed from Korean, Kazakh and Siberian languages. The letter “Q” also very rarely starts a word. There a lot of people that use cyrillic alphabet, mainly those inhabiting the territory of the former USSR. Among the Slavic languages 4 languages use cyrillic alphabet: Ukrainian, Byelorussian, Serbo-Croatian and Bulgarian. However their alphabets are slightly different from the Russian one. In the next table the names of all Russian letters are presented Table 4.2 Russian Letters Letter

Name

Letter

Name

Letter

Name

Letter

Name

Aa

a

Bb

b

Cc

ýc

}]

. Zz

ý . z

Source: http://www.geocities.com/CollegePark/Bookstore/3230/alphabet.html

You can get an mp3 with all these names in a row.

Russian pronunciation guide

Here all aspects of Russian pronunciation will be considered. On this page you will find only basic pronunciation rules, which might be enough for you to pronounce Russian words more or less correctly. But if you want do dig deeper into Russian phonetics, follow the link at the bottom of the page, which will bring you to the comprehensive guide of Russian phonetics. Now let’s discuss each letter of the Russian alphabet in alphabetic order and see in what ways it can be pronounced. As already mentioned in Basic facts about Russian language, Russian language is almost phonetic in that there is one-to-one correspondence between the letters of the alphabet and the sounds. But this almost means that there are some exceptions. The most important of them are discussed here. For others go to the comprehensive guide of Russian phonetics. First there is no division into long and short vowels in Russian. That means that it is no matter how you pronounce a vowel: long or short, it won’t change the word’s meaning. Second, almost all consonants in Russian appear in two forms: palatalized (soft) and non-palatalized (hard). The term palatalized means that while pronouncing the sound the middle part of your tongue is lifted toward the hard palate and makes what is being uttered sound in a higher pitch what is perceived by us as softness. You can determine where your hard palate is by pronouncing the sound [j] like in “yes”: it is where your tongue touches the upper jaw. Try to compare sounds [n] and [n’] ( ’ denotes palatalization) in words “not” and “new”: in the first one you pronounce [n] because the next [o] vowel is on open vowel and does not require your tongue to lift while pronouncing [n]; on the contrary, in the second word you pronounce [n’] because your tongue automatically adjusts to the pronunciation of the next [j] consonant and lifts toward the hard palate. Soft and hard consonants appear in both Russian and English, but the difference is the following: in English,

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for example, you can’t pronounce [n’] before [o] like in “not.” You can pronounce it only in certain positions before the sounds with the similar articulation (e.g. [j] or [i:]). But in Russian, the sound [n’] can appear before every sound no matter how it is articulated. For example, two Russian words absolutely different in meaning differ only in palatalization or non-palatalization of [n] consonant: “HOC” [nos] (nose) and “y/c” [n’os] (past masculine form of “yecnb” (to carry), carried). Another example is “MaT” [mat] (mate) and “vanm” [mat’] (mother). Now you see that palatalization bears word differentiating function in Russian, so you must manage to pronounce every Russian consonant in both hard (which is easy) and soft (more difficult) forms to be understood properly. As mentioned above, you should always pronounce soft consonants by lifting the middle part of your tongue toward the hard palate. The problem is how to mark the softness of consonants in writing. This problem is solved differently in different languages: in Polish letter “i” is placed right after the consonant letter to denote its palatalization. Serbo-Croatian has special letters for each palatalized consonant since there are only four of them in it; if it were the same way in Russian we would have to use 15 additional letters in the alphabet, which would be an unbearable burden on the language. So Russian uses two variants of vowel letters instead: it uses “z” after a consonant letter to mark both its softness and vowel [a] after it (compare vanm (mother) and vznm (to crumple)), “/”-to mark the softness of preceding consonant and vowel [o] after it (compare djk (bullock, ox) and d/k ((he) was leading)), “.”-softness of the consonant þ vowel [u] after it, “e”-softness of the consonantþvowel denoted by letter “ý” after it. Besides, letter “b” always denotes the softness of preceding consonant plus vowel [i] after it as well (e.g. jlby (one)) but the same vowel [i] can also be expressed by the letter “b” apart from the consonant (e.g.bcranm (to look for)), so “b” has no counterpart while “z”, “/”, “.”, “e” do have it. If there is no vowel following the soft consonant, softness is marked by the letter “m” (soft sign), e.g. e.g. vanm (mother), rjkmwj (ring). Now let’s go to the alphabet. In the following list, Russian letters are on the left, their rough pronunciation on the right. • a - like “a” in “part” but shorter, e.g. pbva (winter), lanm (to give), la (yes). • , - like “b” in “bone”, e.g. ,ayay (banana) (hard), ,ep/pa (birch) (soft) • d - like “v” in “vast”, e.g. djpjna (gate) (hard), rjd/p (carpet) (soft) • u - like “g” in “get”, e.g. ujpjl (town), juypew (cucumber) (both hard), ueybq (genius) (soft) • l - like “d” in “day”, e.g. djla (water) (hard), lekanm (to do) (soft) • e - at the beginning of the word, after all vowels and letters “m” and “]” like [je] in “yes”, e.g. ekm (fir), lbena (diet), in other positions it marks the


•

•

• •

•

• • • • • • • • • • • •

softness of the preceding consonant (except “;”, “i” and “w”, e.g. ;eyobya (woman), iecnm (six), weys (prices), and other consonants in some foreign words, e.g. ajyenbra (phonetics)) and is pronounced almost like Russian “ý”, i.e. like “e” in “let”, e.g. genm (to sing), uapena (newspaper) / - at the beginning of the word, after all vowels and letters “m” and “]” like [jo] in “yawn” but shorter, e.g. /; (hedgehog), la/n ((he) gives), ,m/n ((he) beats), in other positions it marks the softness of the preceding consonant (except “;” and “i”, e.g. i/kr (silk), ;/knsq (yellow)) and is pronounced like stressed Russian “j”, i.e. like English “o” in “corn” but shorter, e.g. v/l (honey), rjd/p (carpet). Note that “/” is always stressed in Russian. ; - like “g” in “rouge”, e.g. ;/knsq (yellow), ;bnm (to live) (both hard); “;” is very seldom pronounced in soft form so in the previous examples letters “/” and “b” did not soften it. p - like “z” in “zest”, e.g. pdanm (to call) (hard), pek/ysq (green) (soft) b - like “ee” in “teen” but shorter, e.g. pbva (winter), gbnm (to drink). Note that the consonant preceding “b” is always soft except for letters “;”, “i” and “w” which are always hard in Russian (in these cases letter “b” is pronounced identical to “s”), e.g. ;bpym (life), ibpjrbq (wide, masculine), wbpr (circus). q - when beginning a syllable (very seldom) like “y” in “yes” or like “j” in German “ja”, e.g. qjl (iodine), rjqjn (coyote), when terminating a syllable - like “y” in “may” (“q” is pronounced like a semivowel in this case so it is called “b rpanrje” (b short)), e.g. vjq (my), vaqra (T-shirt). Note that “q” can have only soft form since it is a palatal sound, i.e. it is pronounced with the tongue touching the hard palate, so it is already palatalized and can’t be pronounced without palatalization. r - like “k” in “kick” but not aspirated, e.g. rjpjda (cow), cjr (juice) (both hard), rbcnm (paintbrush) (soft) k - like “l” in “look”, e.g. ujky,m (pigeon) (hard), kec (forest) (soft) v - like “m” in “moon”, e.g. vsnm (to wash) (hard), vecnj (place) (soft) y - like “n” in “not”, e.g. jya (she) (hard), jyb (they) (soft) j - like “o” in “port” but shorter, e.g. vjkjrj (milk), ljv (house) g - like “p” in “pay” but not aspirated, e.g. gaga (dad) (hard), gbdj (beer) (soft) p - no exact counterpart in English but it is like rolled “r” in “rock” in Scottish pronunciation, e.g. pa,jnanm (to work) (hard), pera (river) (soft) c - like “s” in “say”, e.g. cjden (advice) (hard), cevmz (family) (soft) n - like “t” in “time”, e.g. njn (that, masculine) (hard), neym (shadow) (soft) y - like “oo” in “moon” but shorter, e.g. cnyk (chair), kyya (moon) a - like “f” in “fast”, e.g. aarek (torch) (hard), rjae (coffee) (soft) [ - no exact counterpart in English since English “h” is pronounced as a pharyngeal sound and Russian “[” is articulated by the back part of the tongue touching the soft palate, it is rather like German “ch” in “Buch”, e.g. gkj[jq (bad) (hard), [bnpsq (cunning, crafty) (soft)

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• w - like “ts” in “cats” (but pronounced as one sound) or like “Z” in German “Zeit”, e.g. jnew (father), wsuay (Gipsy) (both hard). Note that this consonant never appears in soft form in Russian unlike Ukrainian and Belorussian. • x - like “ch” in “check”, e.g. xaq (tea), x/pysq (black) (both soft). Note that this consonant never appears in hard form unlike Belorussian • i - like “sh” in “shock” but not so soft, e.g. lyia (soul), iyv (noise) (both hard). Note letter “i” never denotes soft consonant since there is another letter “o” for this purpose • o - this letter denotes long and soft “i” like “sh” in “she” but a bit softer and longer, e.g. oyra (pike), gkao (raincoat). Of course this letter can’t appear in hard form like “i” can’t appear in soft form • ] - this letter is not pronounced in Russian, it is usually a partitive sign between the prefix and the root, it can only appear between a consonant and letters “e”, “€e”, “.”, “z” which are then pronounced as at the beginning of the word or after a vowel, i.e. with consonant [j] preceding a vowel: [je], [jo], [ju], [ja] (in stressed position). Example: gjl]e[anm (to drive up), j,]zdkeybe (advertisement) • s - no exact and even similar counterpart in English, this sound is very hard to describe, you should pronounce [i:] as in “mean” then lower the middle part of your tongue a bit and bring your lips to neutral position, then you will hear somewhat similar to Russian sound. But better listen to the examples: vskj (soap), lsianm (to breathe), pa,snm (forget), rpsca (rat) • m - this letter like is not pronounced in Russian, like “]” it is a partitive sign between the parts of the word, also like “]” it can appear between a consonant and letters “e”, “€e”, “.”, “z” which are then pronounced with a consonant [j] preceding them, e.g. gmzysq (drunken), ,m€en ((he) beats). But “m” can also appear at the end of the word, e.g. vjkm (moth), rjym (horse). In both cases the consonant preceding “m” is pronounced soft (except for “;”, “i” which never appear soft) • ý-like“e” in“set”,e.g.ýnjn (this,masculine),výp(mayor)(quiterareinRussian) • . - at the beginning of the word, after all vowels and letters “m” and “]” like [ju] in “mute” but shorter, e.g. .u (south), gj.n ((they) sing), im.n ((they) sew), in other positions it marks the softness of the preceding consonant and is pronounced like Russian “y”, e.g. rk.d (beak), y.[anm (to smell). • z - at the beginning of the word, after all vowels and letters “m” and “]” like [ja] in “yard” but shorter, e.g. zobr (box), vazr (beacon), gmzysq (drunken), in other positions it marks the softness of the preceding consonant and is pronounced like Russian “a”, e.g. gjyznm (to understand), gznm (five).

Additional features of Russian pronunciation:

There are two additional features of Russian pronunciation which even a beginner should know of: • vowels in non-stressed positions are reduced more or less depending on a particlular vowel: vowels [u], [s] and [i] are not reduced very much (compare pyra (hand,arm) - pyrb (hands, arms), lsianm (to


breathe) - lsibn ((he) breathes), pbva (winter) - pbvybq (wintry)); vowel [a] is reduced pretty much: in the syllable right before the stressed one it is pronounced like “u” in “cut” (1st level reduction), e.g. pavjr (lock), in all other syllables except the stressed one and the one right before stressed it is pronounced yet weaker (2nd level reduction), e.g. rapaday (caravan) (here we have two unstressed syllables); vowel [o] which is denoted by letter “j” is reduced very much in non-stressed syllables: in the syllable right before stressed it gets identical with the vowel [a] in its 1st level reduction, elsewhere with the vowel [a] in its 2nd level reduction, e.g. vjkjrj (milk), ljpjujq (expensive, dear), so you see: whenever you meet letter “j” in non-stressed position you should pronounce it as if letter “a” were in its place (this process is called arayme (akanie) and is dated back to the 13th century, it influenced mostly territories to the west and south of Moscow, on the contrary to the north-east of Moscow we can still hear a lot of people pronouncing [o] non-reduced in non-stressed syllables, it is called jrayme (okanie)); vowel [e] (denoted by “e”) and vowel [a] before soft consonants (denoted by “z”) are in nonstressed syllables reduced to a vowel very similar to [i], e.g. lepedj (tree), lepedzyysq (wooden), ledznm (nine), ledzyjcnj (ninety) (this process is called brayme (ikanie)) • noise consonants (in Russian they are denoted by the following letters: “,”, “d”, “u”, “l”, “;”, “p”, “r”, “g”, “c”, “n”, “a”, “[”, “w”, “x”, “i”, “o”) are assimilated in the presence of voice when coming in clusters, i.e. if there is a cluster of these consonants, consisting of at least two consonants, then all of them are pronounced voiced or unvoiced solely depending on the last consonant of the cluster being voiced or unvoiced respectively. This process is called regressive assimilation since the last consonant of the cluster influences all the previous ones; in English we can meet progressive assimilation; for example, when forming the plural of a noun you choose endings [s], [z] or [iz] depending on the quality of the preceding consonant (compare “books”, “tables”, “matches”), or in forming the Past Simple form of regular verbs you choose [t] or [d] ending for the same reason (compare “looked” and “saved”) so that the first consonant of the cluster influences the following one. Examples of regressive assimilation: d rjvyane [fkomnati] (in the room) (“d” is pronounced as unvoiced [f] in this consonant cluster since the last consonant of the cluster is unvoiced [k]), jnlanm [addat’] (to give back, perfective aspect) (“n” is pronounced as voiced [d] since the last consonant of the cluster is voiced [d]), kjlra [lotka] (boat), c ujps [zgars] (from the mountain). Exception: voiced consonant [v] (denoted by “d”) does not influence the previous consonants of the cluster though it gets influenced by the following noise consonants, compare cdjqcndj [svojstva] (feature, property) ([v] does not influence the previous consonants neither in the first (“cd”) nor in the second (“cnd”) cluster) and dib [f/sh/s] (lice) (“d” does get influenced by the following “i”). Another feature is that all noise consonants are devoiced at the end of the word (of course if there is no word immediately following it and beginning with the voiced noise consonant,

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you could see it in one of the previous examples: c ujps), e.g. ujl [got] (year) (“l” gets devoiced), dpau [vrak] (enemy) (“u” gets devoiced), vjpjp [maros] (frost) (“p” gets devoiced)

We returned home from our first trip in early September and waited until late October before we were informed we had been invited again by Russian officials to come to St. Petersburg for the purposes of adoption. Although the waiting period was long, we always felt comfort knowing our agency was communicating with the Russian team on our behalf. For us, there were moments between the time we had met Sergei and when we were invited back to Russia that I didn’t want to answer people who continuously inquired about the baby. Sometimes it felt as though people could sense this, and would purposely avoid talking about the adoption. I suppose that was a good thing, as a lot of those times I did not have any new information to share anyway! This is one of the phases in the process that we all just have to get through. Sometimes just showing people his picture was the best I could do. We had to have faith in our adoption agency and rely on them for any updates. I have heard of some parents attempting to complete an adoption independently who had to stay for months in the country or even worse, some adoptions that never reached completion. When you are working with an accredited agency and a strong Russian team you will always be supported by them and can find comfort in the fact that the Russian team is working toward your adoption in St. Petersburg while you are awaiting word at home. Finally, on October 22nd, we boarded a plane out of Logan Airport heading back to Russia. Once we landed in Moscow, we quickly learned that we had actually flown into one airport and were scheduled to fly out of a different airport—the domestic airport is less than forty-five minutes away. We found a cab driver who agreed to take us to the other airport in the hopes of still making our flight to St. Petersburg. The driver said nothing to us. Tim sat in the front and I was in the back. There was only one seatbelt and it was on the other side of the seat. The driver raced out of the airport parking lot toward the exit street. There was single-lane traffic going either way. I wrestled nervously with the seatbelt. I quickly found myself on the other side of the car when the driver was traveling down the middle of the roadway in his imaginary lane. I finally buckled in. Tim and I said nothing to one another. We were shocked at his driving. More than once we came within a foot or two of a car traveling at us. We could do nothing but laugh. We couldn’t believe it. The driver wasn’t fazed at all by our laughing. He just kept flying down the middle of the road. Within five minutes we were at the domestic airport. He told us the cost was sixty U.S. dollars. “What?” He had to be kidding. I knew that we were not supposed to argue with him, but we only had twenty-three dollars


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out. The rest of our money was secured in money belts on our bodies as we were instructed to do back in the U.S. Tim handed him the twenty-three dollars and the driver motioned to go get more money. Thinking quickly, we asked him to show us where there was a money machine. He gave us the directions to the bank in the airport and we never saw him again. We made our way to the customer-service counter looking over our shoulders to be sure the cab driver didn’t follow us. When the translations went through, we understood that we had missed our flight to St. Petersburg. A woman escorted us from her counter to a small waiting room. There were three large women, all smoking cigarettes, sitting there to greet us. They talked to the woman from customer service for a minute, then motioned for us to take a seat. Sitting in the congested room was a bit unnerving. Why were we being made to sit here? What did they want from us? When would we be able to get to where we were supposed to be? A young woman with a name tag came into the room and motioned for us to follow her. We did. She brought us to another waiting area, this time filled with passengers. She directed us through the crowd to the very front of the line. We were escorted outside to a tram that brought us to a waiting plane. The plane was headed for St. Petersburg and would land only minutes after the one we were supposed to be on. We were the last to board. The plane was nothing like what we were used to. The cabin was very outdated and musty smelling. We both said a quick prayer before take off. Fortunately, the flight ended only fifty-five minutes later. As we prepared for descent, Tim looked out the windows. After finding the camera, I too looked. The sky was pink and blue, soft and welcoming. The sun was setting on our day of arrival and when it rose again we knew we would be back at the orphanage with our son.


CHAPTER 5

Adoption Day

Like the inclusion of the 8-point medical exam for adopting parents, the ten day waiting period was instituted to protect Russian children from harm. The ten day waiting period is calculated in business days, so it is likely that your stay will be longer than ten calendar days after the day of your adoption hearing. Many couples from the United States who have successfully completed their adoption in St. Petersburg do not get their ten day wait period waived. There are circumstances in which the health of the child can influence this decision. If the child is in need of medical attention, the judge may be more apt to waive the ten days in an effort to get the child to the United States to receive necessary healthcare. Those parents who do not get the ten days waived have the option of staying in Russia to wait, or they can return home if they have other children or their job responsibilities prohibit them from being away for so long. Our ten day wait period was waived for both of our adoptions. When we completed our first adoption, the ten day wait period was relatively new. We made a verbal request to the judge during our adoption hearing and she did grant it. Our second adoption mandated updated photos of our son who we had adopted from the very same Baby House a year and a half earlier. We worked with the same facilitators, the same orphanage director, and we had the same judge. The fact that we had beautiful new pictures of our Russian son and could tell stories that depicted his development and overall happiness may have had some influence on her decision to waive the ten days. Our second adoption was also done in the middle of July just before the Russians were to leave for holiday. Our new son was almost two, and I believe that they wanted him home for his second birthday with his parents and his brother rather than having to wait any longer.

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There are many families who choose to bring their children to Russia, especially if they too have been adopted, for the purposes of the current adoption. That is a fine idea, but keep in mind that you will be very busy with the “business” of the adoption. You should bring a babysitter for the day of the court hearing—the child will not be permitted inside the courtroom. We found ourselves at the orphanage the first day we were back in St. Petersburg. Our son had been given a vaccination for the flu and felt sick from it. We waited from 10:30 in the morning until 2:00 P.M. in a cheery playroom next to his nursery before we were told that we would not be able to see him that day. He was too sick and needed to rest for the following day when we would lawfully take him from the orphanage. I wasn’t leaving; I just wanted to see my baby. Viktor communicated my frustration to the orphanage director. I needed confirmation that he was well. Viktor told the director that we couldn’t leave without seeing him. Along with one other couple—Bill and Michelle who were also from New Hampshire, and were there to adopt their baby daughter Elena—we were escorted into one of the nurseries. The head nurse asked us to remain quiet as she brought us into his room because the other children were napping. There he was. Upon his rosy cheeks a small smile was forming as he laid his eyes on us. There was his pillow snuggled just under his tiny head, almost as if he knew we were coming. I wondered if he’d slept with it every night for the weeks we’d been away from him. He looked so comfortable with it. It was the only thing in his home that was totally his. We were told not to pick our child up. And as to not push our luck, we didn’t. Another crib was positioned next to his with the railings touching. It was Elena’s crib, who would also be adopted tomorrow. Even though our baby was sick and we weren’t allowed to hold him, I could not help but feel hopeful. I kept remembering all it took to get to this point. We had completed all the paperwork, had our home, our finances, and our lives examined. We had made one successful trip and we were on the home stretch. I was so thankful that we had held fast throughout the adoption process that this was the baby we were supposed to parent. The day had finally come. This day, we would become parents to the most precious little boy in the world. He would be ours and we would be his. Life would forever be different, better. The night’s sleep wasn’t a good one, but we didn’t care. We woke, or decided to get out of bed hours before the time we were to meet Viktor in the hotel lobby to bring us directly to the courthouse. We knew we wouldn’t see our baby again until we were legally his parents. The court hearing will begin after you choose who will speak for the child. You will state your name and give demographic information to the

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court. The judge wants to hear how well you have bonded with the particular child you are adopting. Just speak from your heart. There is something about that moment that made the judge know that my answer was genuine and that we truly had begun to fall in love with our child. You must formally ask the judge permission to adopt this specific child and defend your ability to care for, nurture, and love the child for the rest of your life. The judge will ask you about your finances, your employment, and your community. They will ask if your family is supportive of your decision to adopt. They will review all contents of your dossier. You will need to be prepared to tell the judge what you know about the child’s biological mother and the history of the child up to this point. The judge will ask about any other children in your home. They will want to know what you intend to name the child and what your plans will be for child care. You will sign a sworn statement promising to register the child’s court decree immediately after the adoption hearing. You will swear to abide by post-placement reporting set by the Russian government. The law mandates that you complete a report six months, one year, two years, and three years after the adoption. The court hearing will last anywhere from forty-five minutes to over an hour, dependent upon the individual case. The judge will leave the chambers with all of the other court officials to make a decision with regard to the child’s placement. The recess for this discussion was about twentyminutes of total anxiety for us! The judge may choose to waive the ten day in-country stay after the adoption. You will be permitted to ask that he or she waive it for your family toward the end of the hearing. Reasons the judge may consider acceptable are those that are for the benefit of your new child’s health, not that you want to be home for work. However, you should be prepared to remain in St. Petersburg for ten business days following your adoption. We arrived at the courthouse, or so we thought. Indeed it was, but it looked nothing like an American would ever imagine. The unassuming building was stacked along a busy city street with not as much as a sign indicating what it was. I wonder now if that is done on purpose in an effort to protect the identity of international adoptive parents. We walked through narrow, dirty hallways, up stairs and then down again, through what appeared to be blocked-off areas to nicer parts of the building’s interior, past more than ten people congregating for a smoke break, and down a set of no more than four stairs to a waiting area. The sheetrock was broken and falling off the walls. The bathroom was considered unusable for its appearance and malfunction. It was there that we were introduced to a couple from my home area of Massachusetts waiting for their adoption hearing for their daughter from another Baby House in St. Petersburg. Viktor told us we were going to be the first U.S. couple to be heard today.

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I was excited and nervous to be first. Just like in speech class in college; it’s great to go first so that you are the first one done, but it’s tough too because you will not get the benefit of knowing how everyone else’s hearing went before it’s your turn. It had already been decided. Tim and I were escorted into the courtroom before any officials came in. We were given the opportunity to go over material and information with Viktor that would still be considered off the record. He had become our friend who was able to guide us regarding how to best answer the questions he knew would soon be presented. The first question was asked, after having identified ourselves: “What evidence do you have for the court that you love and could care for this particular child?” “Huh?” I couldn’t feel myself, not even sure if there was any blood circulating through my body when the judge asked me. I looked at my husband who said nothing as he gave me a small nod with an emotional expression. I looked at Viktor who was standing next to me and then over at the orphanage director who was sitting across the courtroom from us. She was so sweet. She gave me an unassuming look and nodded her head that told me I had to speak. This was it. We had come this far. Someone had to stand up for our son and we had decided the night before it would be me. What an honor; what a difficult task. I told Viktor that we knew for sure we loved the child when we first held him. He felt so right in our arms; it was the moment that nothing else in the world existed beyond those four small walls. From that moment on we began dreaming of our life as a family. I told Viktor that he was perfect; that we could see that he had so much potential. His reception to us was remarkable, so much more than we thought possible. The baby acted as if he knew we were his parents and that perhaps he too had dreamt about us. Viktor translated and told the judge everything I had just said. There was no expression on her face when he finished speaking. I guess I was hoping there would have been. The court session went on for another hour encompassing question after question answering why we were adopting an international child, why we felt we were deserving parents. We had to explain about our life at home. The judge needed to know that we had a stable marriage and that our family members were supportive of our decision to adopt. I had to speak about our home and its space for a child in our community. She wanted to know what types of schools we would send our child to. We had to give examples of educational and recreational resources we were intending to make available to the child. We had to tell her what our plan was for child care. She needed information on our salaries and our intentions of supporting this child through his college years. She reviewed our medical exams and letters of support from our physicians. We had expected our hearing to last about a half an hour, but ours was well over an hour. At one point, after all of the rehearsed questions had

Adoption Day

69

been answered, the judge became seemingly upset with us. The orphanage director, Viktor, and the judge were all speaking loudly and quickly in Russian to one another. Neither Tim nor I could understand what was going on. When I attempted to get some information from Viktor, all he told me was that the judge had instructed him not to speak to us while they were having this bizarre conversation. The judge could not speak English, so Viktor really could not say much at all to us. The only thing he did mutter under his breath was to tell us that we did not need to worry that they were discussing the baby’s birth family and it didn’t involve us. Having no idea of what was transpiring, we continued to listen intently while they went back and forth. Finally, we learned that our son has an older brother who had just been brought to an orphanage in St. Petersburg after their mother had lost custody of him. The report read that he entered a home for older children just three weeks prior to our court date. We were shocked and confused. The judge wanted an explanation as to why we were just learning about the boy’s placement in court. After a lengthy and tiring hearing, the court went into recess. The judge and her team left the courtroom. The adjournment lasted a very long twenty minutes. What could we have said that was wrong? Viktor reassured us that this was a customary procedure to review the hearing and make a final determination for this child’s future. Although we appreciated his efforts to calm us, I can’t say it worked. We again gathered in the courtroom taking our seats again in the first row. I felt sick to my stomach with emotions. Tim was sweating but trying to hide it. I did not mention it because I knew that would only make it worse for him. We were asked to rise as the judge entered the chambers. I felt very nervous, but excited. After a few minutes of seemingly endless procedural details, I felt good. I felt like she would not have been asking such questions, making such comments, if we were not going to receive a favorable decision. It was then that she became even more formal, if that was possible. The strength, cadence, and even speed of her words let us know that she was presenting the position of the court. No expression gave anything away. The decision had been made, but I could not tell what it was. Viktor translated to us word for word what she was saying. There was a lot of necessary official language first. We held hands; squeezing one another every time we thought we were hearing the favorable decision. Much of what was said didn’t really matter since we were so focused on the ultimate: Is he legally our son? Viktor smiled and told us that the power of the court of St. Petersburg, Russia granted us permanent custody and made us the legal parents of Sergei! The only emotion I was able to detect from the judge throughout the trial was when she asked us what we were going to name our son. I told her, John Sergei, and we would call him Jack. I think she liked that; it was

70


the only time we saw her smile. After confirmation that we were really his lawful parents we stood as proud and victorious as ever holding one another. Both of us were shaking and whispering over the other so neither of us could hear the other’s sweet message. We tried to gather ourselves and dry our tears of happiness as we were asked to exit the courtroom toward the waiting area. Bill and Michelle would be next. There were three other families from New England waiting for the same exhilaration we were now celebrating. We ended up sitting in the waiting room for at least four more hours. Although it was fun to sit with and support the other families, it was tough, too. We both felt kind of trapped. We were finally deemed legal parents of our new son, but we had no ride to the orphanage to be with him! Every time someone came in from the outside we hoped it was our ride who would take us back to the orphanage to get our baby boy. Once we returned to Baby House #6, we began calling our baby by his new name, instead of Sergei. Jack’s favorite nurse asked to dress him for the last time. She had been the one who carried him into the room on the first day he met us. I remember her being so tender and loving toward him. Now, every time she came into the room to check on him, his face would light up. I felt so thankful for all she had done for him during his time here. She had certainly assumed the role of his mother when he didn’t have one of his own. It struck me that she asked us for permission to dress him. She came for his clothes before we even saw him. Up to this point, we were not allowed to see where he ate, where he was bathed, or fed. We were only permitted into his nursery because we had been sitting for hours in a playroom near his room and had basically begged them to let us see him. Her asking my permission solidified that she now recognized us as his parents. I handed her his clothes and she brought him back for me to bundle him up as we left Baby House #6. This October day would be the first time that he saw snow fall. She carried him to the door and made herself hand him to me. I looked back to give her one more hug of thanks and that same motion of “go on” surfaced. This time, there were tears falling from underneath her tinted sunglasses. Don’t worry, we’ll take good care of him and we’ll be back to tell you all about him, I thought. We walked, I held Jack and my husband held me. We were together, a family at last. There was no air around us. The table below provides some perspective on how many children are available and waiting to be adopted in Russia. Perhaps you have a loved one who is from an orphanage in Russia and you can look it up here. The most staggering information from the table is how many children are currently residing in each baby house and children’s orphanage in Russia.… The baby orphanage in BOLD is the one that our children are from, Baby Orphanage #6.

Directory of Russian Baby Orphanages Region

ID#

Name of Orphanage

Address

Tel/fax/e-mail

Name of Director

Adygeya

RU.01.05. RU.02.01.

19, Krylov St., Maikop, 352717, Adygea, RF 2, Glinka St., Ufa, 450039, Bashkiria, RF 103, Communist St., 450025, Bashkiria, RF 6, Krupskaya St., 450025, Bashkiria, RF 2, Michurin St., 433500, Bashkiria, RF 9, Shcherbakov St., Sterlitamak, 453118, Bashkiria, RF 50, Tereshkova St., UlanUde, 670015, Buryatia, RF

7 (877-22) 4-5617

Bashkortostan

City of Maikop Baby Orphanage “Poplar” City of Ufa Baby Orphanage #1 City of Ufa Baby Orphanage #2 City of Ufa Baby Orphanage #3 City of Beloretsk Baby Orphanage City of Sterlitamak Baby Orphanage

7 (347-2) 23-2788

Lidia K. Prozorova, M.D. Elizaveta A. Patrakova, M.D. Lidia D. Razhetdinova, M.D. Elsa A. Gazieva, M.D.

100

7 (347-92) 4-4520

Polina F. Osmezh, M.D.

70

7 (347-11) ?-????

Zainab M. Kurgaleeva, M.D.

90

7 (301-22) 3-1751

Alla A. Durinova, M.D.

80

7 (301-22) 4-4422

Nina S. Bodneva, M.D.

60

7 (872-2) 62-6633

Salman D. Akhmedov, M.D. ???

100

RU.02.02. RU.02.03. RU.02.05. RU.02.10.

Buryatia

RU.03.01.

RU.03.02. Dagestan

RU.05.05. RU.05.10.

City of Ulan-Ude Baby Orphanage #1 “Aistyonok” City of Ulan-Ude Baby Orphanage #2 City of Makhachkala Baby Orphanage City of Buinaksk Baby Orphanage

1st spot, Divizion St., UlanUde, 670003, Buryatia, RF 16, Nakhimov St., Makhachkala, 367025, Dagestan, RF 48, Dakhadaev St., Buinaksk, 368200, Dagestan, RF

7 (347-2) 38-0372 7 (347-2) 22-4249

7 (???-??) ?-????

# of Kids 100 100 100

??? (Continued)

Region

ID#

Name of Orphanage

KabardinoBalkaria

RU.07.05.

City of Nalchik Baby Orphanage

Kalmykia

RU.08.05.

Karelia

RU.10.05. RU.10.10.

Komi

RU.11.05.

72

RU.11.10. RU.11.15. Mordovia

RU.13.05.

Sakha

RU.14.05. RU.14.10.

North Osetia

RU.15.05.

Address

6, Bekhterev St., Nalchik, 360000, Kabardino-Balkaria, RF City of Elista Baby 6, St. Petersburg St., Elista, Orphanage 277007, Kalmykia, RF City of Petrozavodsk 11, Michurinskaya St., PetrozaBaby Orphanage vodsk, 185007, Karelia, RF City of Lakhdenpokhya 21, Lenin St., LakhdenpoBaby Orphanage khya,186730, Karelia, RF City of Vorkuta Baby Orphanage City of Syktyvkar Baby Orphanage City of Uhta baby Orphanage City of B. Berezniki Baby Orphanage City of Yakutsk Baby Orphanage City of Aldan Baby Orphanage

1, Sportivnaya St., Vorkuta, 169927, Komi, RF 23-a, Chkalov St., Syktyvkar, 167031, Komi, RF 25, Lenin St., Uhta, 169400, Komi, RF Lesnaya St., B. Berezniki, 431720, Mordovia, RF 38, Kalandrashvili St., Yakutsk, 677013, Yakutia, Russia 2, Kalinina St., Aldan, 678905, Yakutia, RF

City of Vladikavkaz Baby Orphanage

123, Kaloev St., Vladikavkaz, 362003, North Osetia, RF

Tel/fax/e-mail

Name of Director

7 (866-22) 7-7193

Liana A. Kalibatova, M.D.

70

7 (847-22) 2-4663

Maria I. Tceren-Ubushieva, M.D. Olga V. Davydova, M.D. Ludmila B. Lubimova, M.D.

30

7 (814-22) 7-8779 7 (???-??) 2-2237, fax: 7 (???-??) 2-2272 7 (???-??) 9-8824

# of Kids

60 65

R.V. Medvedeva, M.D.

???

Galina V. Kuznetsova, M.D. 7 (821-47) 6-1511 Ludmila G. Zagorodnuk, M.D. 7 (???-36) 2-2121 Nadezhda B. Kulagina, M.D. 7 (411-22) 5-1558 Lidiya I. Gavrileva, M.D. 7 (411-45) 2-2715, Nadezhda I. Kolesnifax: 7 (411-45) kova, M.D. 2-3823 7 (867-22) 5-8847 Vera P. Muryi, M.D.

90

7 (821-22) 3-5549

75 70 100 30

80

Region

ID#

Name of Orphanage

Address

Tel/fax/e-mail

Name of Director

Tatarstan

RU.16.01.

City of Kazan Baby Orphanage #1 City of Kazan Baby Orphanage #2 City of Naberezhnye Chelny Baby Orphanage City of Glazov Baby Orphanage City of Votkinsk Baby Orphanage City of Izhevsk Baby Orphanage City of Abakan Baby Orphanage City of Alatyr Baby Orphanage City of Krasnodar Baby Orphanage City of Armavir Baby Orphanage City of Eisk Baby Orphanage City of Sochi Baby Orphanage

98-a, Yamashev St., Kazan, 420126, Tataria, Russia 73, Fuchik St., Kazan, 420141, Tataria, Russia 61/31 Chulman Ave., Naberezhnye Chelny, 423826, Tataria, RF 17, Budennyi St., Glazov, 427600, Udmurtia, RF 4, Molodezhnaya St., Votkinsk, 427410, Udmurtia, RF 15, Internatsionalny Dr., Izhevsk, 426057, Russia 44, Zapadnaya St., Abakan, 662609, Khakasia, RF Strelka Dist., Alatyr, 429800, Chuvashia, RF 155, Libkneht St., Krasnodar, 350058, Russia 126, Turgenev St., Armavir, 352905, Russia 106, Khmelnitskogo St., Eisk, 353660, Russia 45-a, Navaginskaya St., Sochi, 354000, Russia

7 (843-2) 56-1611

???

90

7 (843-2) ??-????

???

100

7 (855-2) 56-9347

Alfinur R. Ziyatdinova, M.D.

65

7 (341-41) 4-7733

Stalina N. Bondareva, M.D. Lidia V. Myshkina, M.D. ???

60

RU.16.02. RU.16.05.

Udmurtia

RU.18.05. RU.18.10. RU.18.15.

73 Khakasia

RU.19.05.

Chuvashia

RU.21.05.

Krasnodar

RU.23.05. RU.23.10. RU.23.15. RU.23.20.

7 (341-45) 4-3481 7 (341-?) 78-3827 7 (390-22) 6-7389 7 (???-??) 5-0681 7 (861-2) 33-6335 7 (861-37) 4-7944 7 (861-32) 4-6840 tel/fax: 7 (862-2) 92-3228

# of Kids

60 90

Ludmila V. Cherepanova, M.D. Valentina V. Pushistova, M.D. Vladimir B. Grigoryev, M.D. Vyacheslav G. Korolev, M.D. Galina N. Gorovaya, M.D. Nina N. Sinyavina, M.D.

80 150 150 70 40 60

(Continued)

Region

ID#

Name of Orphanage

Address

Tel/fax/e-mail

Name of Director

RU.23.25.

City of Novorossijsk Baby Orphanage City of Ust-Labinsk Baby Orphanage City of Krasnoyarsk Baby Orphanage City of Vladivostok Baby Orphanage Region of Primorsk Baby Orphanage City of Ussurijsk Baby Orphanage City of Stavropol Baby Orphanage Baby Orphanage “Mashuk” City of Arkhangelsk Baby Orphanage Arkhangelsk Regional Baby Orphanage City of Kotlas Baby Orphanage City of Naryan-Mar Baby Orphanage City of Severodvinsk Baby Orphanage

31, Chaikovsky St., Novorossijsk, 353900, Russia 13, Ostrovsky St., Ust-Labinsk, 352300, Russia 53-a, Vavilov St., Krasnoyarsk, 660059, Russia 46, Okatovaya St., Vladivostok, 690017, Russia 45, Kashirskaya St., Artyomovskii, 692803, Russia 90-b, Nekrasov St., Ussurijsk, 692508, Russia 42, Gornaya St., Stavropol, 355019, Russia 24, Budennyi St., Inozemtsevo, 357441, Russia 32-a, Pomorskaya St., Arkhangelsk, 163061, Russia 16, Vaneev St., Arkhangelsk, 163061, Russia 19, Vinogradov St., Kotlas, 165400, Russia 3, Rabochaya St., Naryan-Mar, 164700, Russia 27-a, Stroitelei Blvd., Severodvinsk, 164522, Russia

7 (861-34) 5-0294

60

7 (391-2) ??-????

Irina O. Zinovieva, M.D. Emma F. Gorodnikova, M.D. ???

7 (423-2) 27-1606

Victor S. Kasian, M.D.

85

7 (???-??-?) 5242

Ludmila P. Kachura, M.D. Andrey A. Skiruta, M.D. Valentina I. Shcherbina, M.D. Ludmila V. Uvarova, M.D. Viktor A. Pavlov, M.D.

75

RU.23.30. Krasnoyarsk

RU.24.05.

Primorsky

RU.25.05. RU.25.10. RU.25.15.

74

Stavropol

RU.26.05. RU.26.10.

Arkhangelsk

RU.29.05. RU.29.10. RU.29.15. RU.29.20. RU.29.25.

7 (861-35) 2-2893

7 (???-??) 3-1438 7 (865-22) 5-0572 7 (???-??) 2-9349 7 (818-2) 43-0239 7 (818-22) 3-2381 7 (???-??) 9-2220 7 (???-??) 9-2237 7 (???-??) 4-5996

Nikolai V. Ostapenko, M.D. Sergei V. Yurov, M.D. Genrietta N. Rempel, M.D. Nina S. Ivanova, M.D.

# of Kids 45

???

100 80 90 60 140 150 50 110

Region

ID#

Name of Orphanage

Address

Tel/fax/e-mail

Name of Director

Astrakhan

RU.30.05.

City of Astrakhan Baby Orphanage Astrakhan Regional Baby Orphanage City of Astrakhan Baby Orphanage Belgorod Regional Baby Orphanage City of Karatev Baby Orphanage City of Klintsy Baby Orphanage City of Vladimir Baby Orphanage City of Alexandrovsk Baby Orphanage City of Kovrov Baby Orphanage City of Murom Baby Orphanage Volgograd Regional Baby Orphanage City of Kalach Baby Orphanage City of Mikhailovka Baby Orphanage

100, Ahshorumov St., Astrakhan,414022, Russia 13, Chekhov St., Astrakhan, 414040, Russia 10-a, Bumazhnikov St., Astrakhan, ??????, Russia 25, Ostrovsky St., Belgorod, 308600, Russia 38, Koltsov St., Karatev, 242500, Russia 41, Paris Communa St., Klintsy, 243100, Russia 69-a, Lenin Ave.,Vladimir, 600022, Russia 8, Kazarmennyi Alley, Alexandrov, 601600, Russia 22-a, Oktyabrskaya St., Kovrov, 601900, Russia 19, K. Marx St., Murom, 602200, Russia 62-a, Communistov St., Volgograd, 400005, Russia 28, Mayakovsky St., Kalach-onDon, 404520, Russia 70, Kommuna St., Mikhailovka, 403300, Russia

7 (851-22) 2-8671

Irina A. Polivanova, M.D. Valentina L. Borisova, M.D. Natalia B. Shoya

RU.30.10. RU.30.15. Belgorod

RU.31.05.

Bryansk

RU.32.05. RU.32.10.

75

Vladimir

RU.33.05. RU.33.10. RU.33.20. RU.33.25.

Volgograd

RU.34.05. RU.34.10. RU.34.15.

7 (851-2) 22-1892 7 (851-2) 57-1311 7 (072-22) 6-8446 7 (083-35) 2-3581 7 (083-36) 2-1137 7 (092-22) 4-4310 7 (092-44) 2-0427 7 (092-32) 2-2621 7 (092-34) 3-1498 7 (844-2) 34-0050 7 (844-72) 3-3149 7 (844-63) 2-2533

# of Kids 100 120 40

Nikolai V. Shamborsky, M.D. Vera A. Khudyakova, M.D. Svetlana M. Spivak, M.D. Saniya M. Baslovyak, M.D. Ludmila A. Novikova, M.D. Vladimir N. Borisov, M.D. Elizaveta I. Zolotukhina, M.D. Gennady G. Romadanov, M.D. Victor M. Rotenko, M.D. Nina A. Tekucheva, M.D.

125 60 70 115 55 25 50 100 55 70

(Continued)

Region

ID#

Name of Orphanage

Address

Tel/fax/e-mail

Name of Director

Vologodsk

RU.35.05.

City of Vologda Baby Orphanage City of Veliky Ustyug Baby Orphanage City of Cherepovets Baby Orphanage

61, Komsomolskaya St., Vologda, 160007, Russia 21, Pushkarikha St., Veliky Ustyug, 162340, Russia 42, Komandir Belov St., Cherepovets, 162624, Russia 132-a, Leningrad St., Voronezh, 394033, Russia 16, Sukhumskaya St., Somovo, 394079, Russia 33, Vorovsky St., Pavlovsk, 396430, Russia 4, Bereznikovsky Pereulok, Ivanovo, 153015, Russia 19, Vikhrev St., Shuya, 155600, Russia 2, Muromskaya St., Kaliningrad, 236011, Russia 30, Shkolnaya St., Gusev, 238030, Russia 5, Chapaev St., Sovietsk, 277007, Russia 23, Bauman St., Kaluga, 248600, Russia Ermolino, Borovsk Dist., 249001, Russia

7 (817-22) 2-5353

Alla A. Kardakova, M.D. Nina A. Shelepina, M.D. Nina I. Polozhentseva, M.D.

RU.35.10. RU.35.15.

Voronezh

RU.36.01. RU.36.05. RU.36.10.

76 Ivanovo

RU.37.05. RU.37.10.

Kaliningrad

RU.39.05. RU.39.10. RU.39.15.

Kaluga

RU.40.05. RU.40.10.

City of Voronezh Baby Orphanage #1 City of Somovo Baby Orphanage City of Pavlovsk Baby Orphanage City of Ivanovo Baby Orphanage City of Shuya Baby Orphanage City of Kaliningrad Baby Orphanage City of Gusev Baby Orphanage City of Sovietsk Baby Orphanage City of Kaluga Baby Orphanage City of Ermolino Baby Orphanage

7 (817-38) 2-2150 7 (820-22) 3-6662

7 (073-2) 49-0113 7 (073-?) 27-6807 7 (073-62) 2-2602 7 (093-2) 38-4745 7 (093-51) 2-0635 7 (011-2) 44-1313 7 (011-43) 3-2747 7 (011-61) 7-2697 7 (084-22) 4-0405 7 (084-38) 5-5341

Svetlana M. Vinokurova, M.D. Lidiya A. Rumyantseva, M.D. Valentina P. Goryainova, M.D. Ludmila V. Petrova, M.D. Tatyana S. Abrosimova, M.D. Olga L. Alexeeva, M.D. Tamara I. Langovaya, M.D. Olga A. Krasnova, M.D. Anna N. Golovina, M.D. Ludmila I. Khlebchenko, M.D.

# of Kids 200 85 100

??? ??? ??? 80 60 80 55 90 55 55

Region

ID#

Name of Orphanage

Address

Tel/fax/e-mail

Name of Director

Kamchatska

RU.41.05.

Lidia N. Bugrova, M.D.

80

RU.42.01.

3-a, Zavodskaya St., Petropavlovsk-Kamchtsky, 683015, Russia 14-a, Initciativnaya St., Kemerovo, 650001, Russia 21, Pyatiletki St., AnzheroSunzhensk, 652090, Russia

7 (415-22) 4-1382

Kemerovo

City of PetropavlovskKamchatsky Baby Orphanage City of Kemerovo Baby Orphanage #1 City of Anzhero-Sunzhensk Baby Orphanage City of Kiselyovsk Baby Orphanage City of Leninsk-Kuznetsky Baby Orphanage

7 (384-2) 62-0760

Sergey I. Buksha, M.D.

100

7 (384-53) 2-2177

Tatyana N. Akatieva, M.D.

65

7 (384-64) 6-3825

Galina A. Novikova, M.D. Zinaida V. Skvortsova, M.D.

60

RU.42.05.

RU.42.10. RU.42.15. 77 RU.42.20. RU.42.21. RU.42.22. Kirov

RU.43.05. RU.43.10. RU.43.15. RU.43.21.

22, Sovetskaya St., Kiselyovsk, 652700, Russia 21, Kosmonavtov St., Leninsk-Kuznetsky, 652563, Russia City of Prokopyevsk 40, Gaidar St., Prokopyevsk, Baby Orphanage 653047, Russia City of Novokuznetck 18-a, Druzhby St., NovokuzBaby Orphanage #1 netck, 654018, Russia City of Novokuznetck 22, Michurin St., NovokuzBaby Orphanage #2 netck, 654079, Russia City of Vyatka Baby 54/1, Stroitelei St., Vyatka, Orphanage 610000, Russia City of Kotelnich Baby 5, Uritskogo St., Kotelnich, Orphanage 612100, Russia City of Slobodskoi 3, K. Marx St., Slobodskoi, Baby Orphanage 613100, Russia City of Urzhum Baby 57, Sovetskaya St., Urzhum, Orphanage #1 613530, Russia

7 (384-56) 5-1544

7 (384-66) 3-2538 7 (384-3) 47-0922 7 (384-3) 42-0430 7 (???-?) 27-5429 7 (???-??) 1-1969 7 (???-??) 1-2254 7 (???-??) 1-1403

# of Kids

60

Valentina M. Chumak, M.D. Yuriy V. Ivanov, M.D.

110 100

Tamara V. Logvinova, M.D. Evgenia P. Belyakova, M.D. Oleg G. Zhdanov, M.D. Dmitry N. Korchemkin, M.D. Gennadiy M. Baglaev, M.D.

95 100 100 50 40

(Continued)

Region

ID#

Name of Orphanage

Address

Tel/fax/e-mail

Name of Director

RU.43.22.

City of Urzhum Baby Orphanage #2 City of Yaransk Baby Orphanage City of Kostroma Baby Orphanage City of Kurgan Baby Orphanage City of Kurtamysh Baby Orphanage City of Lgov Baby Orphanage City of Rylsk Baby Orphanage Leningrad Regional Baby Orphanage City of Vsevolzhsk Baby Orphanage City of Lomonosov Baby Orphanage City of Lipetsk Baby Orphanage City of Elets Baby Orphanage City of Magadan Baby Orphanage

23, Cheryshevskogo St., Urzhum, 613530, Russia 76, Nekrasov St., Yaransk, 612220, Russia 22, Borovaya St., Kostroma, 156003, Russia 13, 1st District, Kurgan, 640023, Russia 41, Lenin St., Kurtamysh, 641430, Russia Chernyhovskogo St., Lgov, 307300, Russia 9, Libkneht St., Rylsk, 307330, Russia 11, T. Petrova St., Luga, 188260, Russia 2-a, Khristinovsky Ave., Vsevolzhsk, 188710, Russia 16, Krasnoflotskoe Hwy., Lomonosov, 188510, Russia 22, Gorky St., Lipetsk, 398001, Russia 32, Pirogov St., Elets, 399740, Russia 2, Luksa St., Magadan, 685000, Russia

7 (???-??) 2-2401

Galina A. Maltseva, M.D. Ilia A. Patrakov, M.D.

RU.43.25. Kostroma

RU.44.05.

Kurgan

RU.45.05. RU.45.10.

Kursk

RU.46.05.

78

RU.46.10. Leningrad

RU.47.05. RU.47.10. RU.47.15.

Lipetsk

RU.48.05. RU.48.10.

Magadan

RU.49.05.

7 (???-??) 1-1841 7 (094-2) 55-6302 7 (352-22) 6-9358 7 (352-49) 9-1213 7 (???-??) 0-2307 7 (???-??) 2-2131 7 (812-72) 2-2056 7 (812-70) 2-6950 7 (812) ???-???? 7 (074-2) 77-4500 7 (???-??) 2-0218 7 (413-22) 5-0853

# of Kids 50 60

Valentina Yu. Andreeva, M.D. Natalia V. Gladysheva, M.D. O. S. Zharova, M.D.

190

Anatoly M. Lozovoi, M.D. Vladimir I. Ryzhkov, M.D. Irina G. Ivashkova, M.D. Galina V. Poddubnaya, M.D. Elena V. Selivanovich, M.D. Elizaveta L. Fateeva, M.D. Larisa N. Mokhnatina, M.D. Galina A. Sboeva, M.D.

60

100 40

40 ??? 110 105 100 50 50

Region

ID#

Name of Orphanage

Address

Tel/fax/e-mail

Name of Director

RU.49.10.

City of Karamken Baby Orphanage City of Stekolnyi Baby Orphanage City of Kolomna Baby Orphanage City of Lobnya Baby Orphanage City of Malakhovka Baby Orphanage City of OrekhovoZuevo Baby Orphanage City of Podolsk Baby Orphanage City of Kratovo Baby Orphanage

Karamken, 686112, Russia

7 (???-??) 9-0387

Stekolnyi, 686134, Russia

7 (???-??) 9-8512

23, Rechnaya St., Kolomna, 140400, Russia 8, Aeroportnaya St., Lobnya, 141730, Russia 4, Krasnaya Zmeevka St., Malakhovka, 140090, Russia Naberezhnaya St., OrekhovoZuevo, 142613, Russia

7 (096-61) 4-2061

Vladimir P. Polyakov, M.D. Dmitry L. Kurbatov, M.D. Marina V. Podvoiskaya, M.D. Natalia I. Yasnetsova, M.D. Vladimir V. Strelkov, M.D. Evgeny V. Fedorov, M.D.

RU.49.15. Moscow region

RU.50.05. RU.50.10. RU.50.15. RU.50.20.

79 RU.50.25. RU.50.30.

RU.50.35. RU.50.40. Murmask

RU.51.05. RU.51.10.

City of Vidnoe Baby Orphanage City of Fryazino Baby Orphanage City of Murmansk Baby Orphanage City of Murmansk Baby Orphanage

14, Fevralskaya St., Podolsk, 142100, Russia 10, Churilin St., Kratovo, Ramenskoe Dist., 140100, Russia 1, Shkolnaya St., Vidnoe, 142701, Russia 31, Nakhimov St., Fryazino, 141120, Russia 9, Prof. Somov St., Murmansk, 183025, Russia 23, Captain Taran Dr., Murmansk, 183025, Russia

7 (095) 577-5383 7 (095) 501-4227 7 (096-41) 2-0254

7 (096-75) 3-4507 7 (096-46) 2-3871

7 (095) 541-0676 7 (095) 526-9101 7 (815-22) 4-0452 7 (815-22) 4-0457

# of Kids 50 65 75 120 105 120

Olimpiada M. Khotsyanovskaya, M.D. Nadezhda S. Popova, M.D.

70

Natalia M. Burtseva, M.D. Tamara A. Kanaeva, M.D. Lubov A. Anastasyeva, M.D. Nina M. Knyagnitckaya, M.D.

125

80

90 65 65 (Continued)

Region

ID#

Name of Orphanage

Address

RU.51.15.

City of Apatity Baby Orphanage City of Kandalaksha Baby Orphanage Novgorod Regional Baby Orphanage

14, Stroitelei St., Apatity, 7 (815-55) 405-51 184200, Russia 11-a, Kirov Alley, 7 (815-33) 2-3241 Kandalaksha, 184040, Russia 7, Sushanskaya St., Borovichi, 7 (816-64) 3-4112, 174400, Russia fax: 7 (816-64) 3-4404, e-mail: orphan@telecom. nov.ru Kulotino, Okulovka Dist., 7 (816-??) 3-1116 174710, Russia 31, Kozhevnikov St., Novosi7 (383-2) 47-5553 birsk, 630033, Russia 31-a, Severnaya St., Novosi7 (383-2) 25-6720 birsk, 630082, Russia 12, Vostochnyi Poselok, 7 (383-2) 44-3704 Novosibirsk, 630106, Russia 64, Zakraevsky St., 7 (383-62) 2-2554 Kuibyshev, 632350, Russia 27, Dobrolubov St., Cherepa7 (383-45) 2-1547 novo, 633521, Russia 4-g, Varkhatova St., Omsk, 7 (381-2) 52-4083 644101, Russia 47, Sazonov St., Omsk, 7 (381-2) 23-0305 644007, Russia

RU.51.20. Novgorod

RU.53.01.

RU.53.13. Novosibirsk

RU.54.01.

80 RU.54.02. RU.54.03. RU.54.05. RU.54.10. Omsk

RU.55.01. RU.55.02.

City of Kulotino Baby Orphanage #3 City of Novosibirsk Baby Orphanage #1 City of Novosibirsk Baby Orphanage #2 City of Novosibirsk Baby Orphanage #3 City of Kuibyshev Baby Orphanage City of Cherepanovo Baby Orphanage City of Omsk Baby Orphanage #1 City of Omsk Baby Orphanage #2

Tel/fax/e-mail

Name of Director Sergei P. Ozhmegov, M.D. Vladimir N. Zelenkov, M.D. Mikhael M. Airumyan, M.D.

# of Kids 90 70 205

Irina V. Vodkailo, M.D.

40

Lidia A. Vart, M.D.

90

Galina A. Stremoukhova, M.D. Ludmila A. Dudina, M.D. Galina P. Yepanchintseva, M.D. Elena E. Tyagai, M.D.

80

Alla G. Kogtyanova, M.D. Valentina A. Kazakova, M.D.

180

60 60 45

90

Region

Orenburg

ID#

Name of Orphanage

Address

Tel/fax/e-mail

Name of Director

RU.55.05.

City of Ukrainka Baby Orphanage City of Orenburg Baby orphanage #1 City of Orsk Baby Orphanage City of Orel Baby Orphanage City of Orel Baby Orphanage City of 1st Voin Sanatorium for Mentally Disabled Children City of Kuznetck Baby Orphanage City of Perm Baby Orphanage #1 City of Perm Baby Orphanage #2 City of Berezniki Baby Orphanage City of Kungur Baby Orphanage City of Solikamsk Baby Orphanage

Ukrainka, Issylkul Dist., 646007, Russia 7/1, Salmyshskaya St., 460056, Russia 44, Korolenko St., Orsk, 462431, Russia 28, Solyanoi Dr., Orel, 302000, Russia 66, Cherkasskaya St., 302026, Russia 1st Voin, Mtcensk Dist., 303106, Russia

7 (381-73) 3-4349

Pavel V. Ivanov, M.D.

50

7 (353-22) 6-0252

Nellya F. Kolesnikova, M.D. Asia T. Sultanaeva, M.D. Ludmila G. Gramotina, M.D. ???

100

RU.56.01. RU.56.05.

Orlovsk

RU.57.05. RU.57.10. RU.57.15.

81 Penza

RU.58.05.

Perm

RU.59.01. RU.59.02. RU.59.05. RU.59.10. RU.59.15.

303-a, Zavodskaya St., Kuznetck, 442500, Russia 4, Marat St., Perm, 614014, Russia 8, Bushmakin St., Perm, 614047, Russia 26-a, Pyatiletka St., Berezniki, 618400, Russia 8, Truda St., Kungur, 617400, Russia 127, Naberezhnaya St., Solikamsk, 618500, Russia

7 (353-72) 2-0432 7 (086-22) 5-3545 7 (086-2) ??-????

# of Kids

70 50 ???

7 (???-??) 5-4336

Tamara K. Zhestovskaya, M.D.

50

7 (841-57) 2-3470

Klara A. Kamkina, M.D. Alexander A. Lozhkin, M.D. Sergey V. Kolodkin, M.D. Leonid B. Afanasyev, M.D. Tatyana K. Sibiryakova, M.D. Tatyana I. Uglitckikh, M.D.

60

7 (342-2) 36-3809 7 (342-2) 72-2947 7 (342-42) 5-2633 7 (342-71) 3-2016 7 (342-53) 2-1647

70 55 70 45 50

(Continued)

Region

Pskov

ID#

Name of Orphanage

Address

Tel/fax/e-mail

Name of Director

RU.59.20.

City of Chaikovsky Baby Orphanage Pskov Regional Baby Orphanage City of Sebezh Baby Orphanage #3 Kilsk Orphanage

8-a, Lenin St., Chaikovsky, 617740, Russia 1, Pribaltijskoe Hwy., Pechory, 181500, Russia 5, Naberezhnaya St., Sebezh, 182250, Russia Pyzhovo, Staryi Izborsk, 181518, Russia 40, Sokolov St., Rostov-onDon, 344006, Russia 13/9, Murlychev St., Rostov-on-Don, 344037, Russia 39, Bratsky Dr., Rostov-onDon, 344040, Russia 127, Universitetsky Dr., Rostov-on-Don, 344010, Russia 87, Ukrainskaya St., Kamensk, 346300, Russia 70, Alexandrovskaya St., Novocherkassk, 346412, Russia 3, Babushkin St., Taganrog, 347909, Russia

7 (342-41) 5-2633

Nina M. Gerget, M.D.

70

tel/fax: 7 (811-48) 2-2862 7 (811-40) 9-6291

Natalia A. Vishnevskaya, M.D. Svetlana A. Filippenok, M.D. Taisia I. Smirnova, M.D. Mikhail M. Kalpin, M.D. Klavdia I. Truba, M.D.

105

RU.60.01. RU.60.03. RU.60.99.

Rostov

RU.61.01. RU.61.02.

City of Rostov-on-Don Baby Orphanage #1 City of Rostov-on-Don Baby Orphanage #2

82 RU.61.03. RU.61.04.

RU.61.05. RU.61.10.

RU.61.15.

City of Rostov-on-Don Baby Orphanage #3 City of Rostov-on-Don Baby Orphanage #4 City of Kamensk Baby Orphanage City of Novocherkassk Baby Orphanage City of Taganrog Baby Orphanage

7 (811-??) 9-6664 7 (085-3) 65-0180 tel/fax: 7 (085-3) 51-7397 7 (085-3) 66-5814 7 (085-3) 64-4122

7 (863-65) 5-5640 7 (863-52) 2-3001

7 (863-44) 2-5402

Eleonora N. Bezzabotnova, M.D. Maya A. Sukhoruchenko, M.D. Vladimir Z. Kudryavtcev, M.D. Evgeniya A. Bandurina, M.D. Tatiana N. Kosichenko, M.D.

# of Kids

30 35 60 50

60 100

??? 80

70

Region

ID#

Name of Orphanage

Address

Tel/fax/e-mail

Name of Director

Ryazan

RU.62.01.

City of Ryazan Baby Orphanage #1

7 (091-22) 5-3303

Ludmila D. Aleinikova, M.D.

60

RU.62.05.

City of Ryazan Baby Orphanage

tel/fax: 7 (091-2) 76-3692

Olga A. Svetova, M.D.

165

RU.63.01.

City of Samara Baby Orphanage #1 City of Samara Baby Orphanage #2 City of Samara Baby Orphanage #3 City of Syzran Baby Orphanage City of Tolyatti Baby Orphanage City of Chapaevsk Baby Orphanage, “Teremok” City of Saratov Baby Orphanage City of Volsk Baby Orphanage City of Marks Baby Orphanage

Kiritsy, Sushki s/s, Spassky Dist., Ryazan Region, 391050, Russia 47, Vysokovoltnaya St., Ryazan, 390029, Russia (P.O.B. 312) 150, Dachnaya Proseka, Samara, 443011, Russia 3-a, Pobeda St., Samara, 443083, Russia 10, Kvartal 2, Samara, 443028, Russia 44, Gagarin St., Syzran, 446028, Russia 42-a, Chapaev St., Togliatti, Russia 5-a, Proletarskaya St., Chapaevsk, 446100, Russia

7 (846-2) 54-3626

150

7 (84?-??) 5-4874

Ludmila I. Kolesova, M.D. Valery N. Mashkin, M.D. Vitalina S. Khvostova, M.D. Nina I. Ivanova, M.D.

7 (848-2) 22-1319

???

???

7 (846-39) 2-2625

Ludmila E. Fursa, M.D.

45

7 (845-2) 25-5245

Boris N. Druzhinin, M.D. Nikolay V. Yakushev, M.D. Petr S. Popykin, M.D.

65

Samara

RU.63.02. RU.63.03. 83

RU.63.05. RU.63.10. RU.63.15.

Saratov

RU.64.05. RU.64.10. RU.64.15.

103-a, 2nd Sadovaya St., Saratov, 410054, Russia 199-a, Chernyshevsky St., Volsk, 412680, Russia 65, Libkneht St., Marks, 413060, Russia

7 (846-2) 58-5954 7 (846-2) 57-1465

7 (845-93) 2-2017 7 (845-67) 2-1348

# of Kids

60 85 60

60 75 (Continued)

Region

Sakhalinsk

ID#

Name of Orphanage

Address

Tel/fax/e-mail

Name of Director

RU.64.20.

City of Pugachev Baby Orphanage City of YuzhnoSakhalinsk Baby Orphanage City of AlexandrovskSakhalinsky Baby Orphanage City of Yekaterinburg Baby Orphanage #1

???

7 (845-74) ?-????

???

35

42-b, Ukrainskaya St., Yuzhno-Sakhalinsk, 693012, Russia 13-a, Soldatskaya St., Alexadrovsk-Sakhalinsky, 694420, Russia 12-a, Agronomicheskaya St., Yekaterinburg, 620085, Russia 24-a, Syromolotov St., Yekaterinburg, 620072, Russia 4, Grazhdanskaya St., Nizhny Tagil, 622027, Russia 5, 8th of March St., Krasnoturinsk, 624460, Russia 55, Oktyabrskoi Revolutsii St., Nixhny Tagil, 622036, Russia 9-a, Komsomolskaya St., Pervouralsk, 623104, Russia 86-a, K. Libknext St., Revda, 623270, Russia 81, Lunacharsky St., Serov, 624440, Russia

7 (424-22) 3-8989

Galina F. Kozub, M.D.

75

7 (???-??) ?-3680

Rimma N. Gorshenina, M.D.

40

7 (343-2) 25-3422

Nikolay M. Gusev, M.D.

110

7 (343-2) 47-7430

Irina L. Komukhova, M.D. Ludmila M. Shmygova, M.D. Alexander A. Suvorov, M.D. Nina M. Permyakova, M.D.

115

Ludmila A. Martynova, M.D. Ludmila N. Maslennikova, M.D. Larisa G. Papulova, M.D.

50

RU.65.05.

RU.65.10.

Sverdlovsk

RU.66.01.

RU.66.02. 84 RU.66.03. RU.66.05. RU.66.10.

RU.66.15. RU.66.20. RU.66.25.

City of Yekaterinburg Baby Orphanage #2 City of Nizhny Tagil Baby Orphanage #3 City of Krasnoturinsk Baby Orphanage City of Nizhny Tagil Baby Orphanage City of Pervouralsk Baby Orphanage City of Revda Baby Orphanage City of Serov Baby Orphanage

7 (343-52) 3-5728 7 (343-14) 2-8473 7 (343-5) 22-4747

7 (343-92) 2-5471 7 (343-97) 4-3371 7 (343-15) 2-0837

# of Kids

60 30 80

75 75

Region

Smolensk

ID#

Name of Orphanage

Address

Tel/fax/e-mail

Name of Director

RU.66.30.

City of Kamensk-Uralsky Baby Orphanage City of Smolensk Baby Orphanage “Krasny Bor” City of Yartsevo Baby Orphanage “Solnyshko” City of Tambov Baby Orphanage City of Tver Baby Orphanage City of Vyshny Volochek Baby Orphanage City of Zapadnaya Dvina Baby Orphanage City of Kashin Baby Orphanage City of Konakovo Baby Orphanage City of Tula Baby Orphanage City of Tula Baby Orphanage

21, Belyaev St., KamenskUralsky, 623401, Russia 16, Dachnaya St., Krasny Bor, Smolensk, 214022, Russia 62, Kosmonavtov St., Yartsevo, 215810, Russia

7 (343-78) 3-4579

Tatyana I. Nevyantseva, M.D. Tamara P. Delukina, M.D.

55

Vladimir A. Sibekin, M.D.

45

RU.67.05.

RU.67.10.

Tambov

RU.68.05.

Tver

RU.69.05.

85

RU.69.10.

RU.69.15.

RU.69.20. RU.69.25. Tula

RU.71.05. RU.71.10.

7 (081) ???-????

7 (081-43) 4-4590

# of Kids

90

112-b, Michurinskaya St., 7 (075-2) ??-???? Tambov, 392032, Russia 80, Pobeda St., Tver, 170037, 7 (082-2) 36-9097 Russia 78, Demyan Bednyi St., Vyshny 7 (082-33) 1-2696 Volochek, 171110, Russia

Vladimir K. Tulyakov, M.D. Galina V. Shmyrina, M.D. Konstantin M. Larionov, M.D.

110

17, Trudovaya St., Zapadnaya Dvina, 172610, Russia

7 (082-65) 2-1641

Tamara M. Novikova

30

34/23, K. Marks St., Kashin, 171000, Russia 71, Myasnikov St., Konakovo, 171660, Russia 97, F. Engels St., Tula, 300000, Russia 108-b, Tulskogo Rab. Poselka St., Tula, 300000, Russia

7 (082-34) 2-0046

Tatyana A. Golosova, M.D. Lubov M. Kashinskaya, M.D. Ludmila S. Graboshnikova, M.D. Sergei L. Gomonov, M.D.

40

7 (082-42) ?-???? 7 (087-2) 31-8016 7 (087-2) 26-2670

80 50

30 120 60 (Continued)

Region

Tumen

ID#

Name of Orphanage

Address

Tel/fax/e-mail

Name of Director

RU.71.15.

City of Novomoskovsk Baby Orphanage City of Tumen Baby Orphanage City of Ishim Baby Orphanage City of Tobolsk Baby Orphanage City of Uraj Baby Orphanage City of Ulyanovsk Baby Orphanage City of Chelyabinsk Baby Orphanage #1 City of Chelyabinsk Baby Orphanage #3 City of Chelyabinsk Baby Orphanage City of Zlatoust Baby Orphanage City of Magnitogorsk Baby Orphanage #1 City of Magnitogorsk Baby Orphanage #2

34, Kommunisticheskaya St., Novomoskovsk, 301670, Russia 5, Kuznetsov St., Tumen, 625000, Russia 20, Lenin St., Ishim, 627400, Russia 42, Oktyabrskaya St., Tobolsk, 625000, Russia District D, Uraj, 626310, Russia 52-a, Pushkarev St., Ulyanovsk, 432005, Russia 19, Smirnykh St., Chelyabinsk, 454000, Russia 34-b, Novorossiisk St., Chelyabinsk, 454139, Russia 16, Zakharenko St., Chelyabinsk, 454128, Russia 4-a, Makarenko St., Zlatoust, 456200, Russia 7, Frunze St., Magnitogorsk, 455019, Russia 15/1, Chapaev St., Magnitogorsk, 455000, Russia

7 (867-62) 5-4644

Janna A. Veldina, M.D.

60

7 (345-2) 24-6800

Natalia Yu. Marinenkova, M.D. L. A. Chacshchina, M.D. Vasiliy I. Skmanov, M.D. Igor Y. Budovsky, M.D.

125

RU.72.05. RU.72.10. RU.72.20. RU.72.25. RU.73.05.

Chelyabinsk

RU.74.01.

86

Ulyanovsk

RU.74.03. RU.74.05. RU.74.10. RU.74.11. RU.74.12.

7 (345-51) 2-3070 7 (345-11) 2-7219 7 (345-76) 3-5596 7 (842-2) 36-6332 7 (351-2) 34-9792 7 (351-2) 53-7342 7 (351-2) 41-7511 7 (???-??) 2-2545 7 (351-1) 33-5120 7 (351-12) 2-1485

Rosa T. Shakirova, M.D. Olga V. Zhuravlyova, M.D. Olga V. Zhuravleva, M.D. Zinaida M. Antonova, M.D. Olga M. Varganova, M.D. Valentina A. Kharina, M.D. Tatiana V. Moroz, M.D.

# of Kids

30 130 60 150 ??? 60 ??? ??? 100 ???

Region

ID#

Name of Orphanage

Address

Tel/fax/e-mail

Name of Director

RU.74.15.

City of Troitsk Baby Orphanage City of Chita Baby Orphanage City of Yaroslavl Baby Orphanage #1 City of Yaroslavl Baby Orphanage #2 City of Moscow Baby Orphanage #2 City of Moscow Baby Orphanage #3 City of Moscow Baby Orphanage #4 City of Moscow Baby Orphanage #5 City of Moscow Baby Orphanage #6 City of Moscow Baby Orphanage #7 City of Moscow Baby Orphanage #8 City of Moscow Baby Orphanage #9 City of Moscow Baby Orphanage #10

7, Stroitelei St., Troitsk, 457100, Russia 27, Kurnatovskogo St., Chita, 672000, Russia 14, Mokhovaya St., Yaroslavl, 150008, Russia 66, Chaikovsky St., Yaroslavl, 150040, Russia 31, korpus 3, V. Lacis St., Moscow, 123514, Russia 1-a, Rogozhsky Pos., Moscow, 109052, Russia 49-a, Izmailovskoe Hwy., Moscow, 105187, Russia 1-a, Krasnoarmeyskaya St., Moscow, 125167, Russia 40, Pyatnitskaya St., Moscow, 109017, Russia 7/9, Shchukinskaya St., Moscow, 123436, Russia 11, korpus 4, Bazhov St., Moscow, 129128, Russia 118-a, Profsojuznaya St., Moscow, 117437, Russia 21, Novoslobodskaya St., Moscow, 103030, Russia

7 (096-60) 3-1987

Ludmila A. Vandysheva, M.D. Galina P. Gorbach, M.D. Irina A. Lokhina, M.D.

Chita

RU.75.05.

Yaroslavl

RU.76.01. RU.76.02.

Moscow city

RU.77.02. RU.77.03.

87

RU.77.04. RU.77.05. RU.77.06. RU.77.07. RU.77.08. RU.77.09. RU.77.10.

7 (302-22) 2-4232 7 (085-2) 11-2629 7 (085-2) 22-1318

# of Kids 60 80 100

Nina A. Aristarkhova, M.D. 7 (095) 949-6497 Svetlana M. Pavlova, M.D. 7 (095) 361-3016 Yulia I. Anisimova, M.D. 7 (095) 369-0286 Ludmila I. Genusova, M.D. tel/fax: 7 (095) 212- Galina S. Luchaninova, 8077 M.D. 7 (095) 231-8522 Galina P. Pichkova, M.D. 7 (095) 1904935 ??? 7 (095) 181-2443 7 (095) 330-4022 7 (095) 978-7876

Ludmila V. Galkina, M.D. Nadezhda P. Suvalskaya, M.D. Adel V. Tsarapkina, M.D.

60 100 100 100 120 100 ??? 100 100 80

(Continued)

Region

ID#

Name of Orphanage

Address

Tel/fax/e-mail

Name of Director

RU.77.12.

City of Moscow Baby Orphanage #12 City of Moscow Baby Orphanage #13 City of Moscow Baby Orphanage #14 City of Moscow Baby Orphanage #15 City of Moscow Baby Orphanage #17 City of Moscow Baby Orphanage #18 City of Moscow Baby Orphanage #19 City of Moscow Baby orphanage #20 City of Moscow Baby orphanage #21 City of Moscow Baby Orphanage #22 City of Moscow Baby Orphanage #23 City of Moscow Baby Orphanage #24 City of Moscow Baby Orphanage #25

8-a, Garibaldy St., Moscow, 117313, Russia 19, Pleteshkovsky Dr., Moscow, 107005, Russia 18, 2nd Sinichkin St., Moscow, 111020, Russia 27-a, Veshnyakovskaya St., Moscow, 111538, Russia 56-a, Chertanovskaya St., Moscow, 113534, Russia 29-a, Ulanova St., Moscow, 117331, Russia 29, Otkrytoe Hwy., Moscow, 117146, Russia 19-a, V. Pole St., Moscow, 109382, Russia 12, Nezhinskaya St., Moscow, 119517, Russia 10, Nezhinskaya St., Moscow, 119517, Russia 1-b, Molodtsov St., Moscow, 129221, Russia 12, 2nd Pugachevskaya St., Moscow, 107076, Russia 10, Eletskaya St., korpus 5, Moscow, 115583, Russia

7 (095) 132-5100

Marina G. Kontyreva, M.D. Yulia N. Talypova, M.D. Valentina I. Naumova, M.D. Tatiana N. Kolmogorova, M.D. Valentina F. Matveeva, M.D. Olga F. Alferova, M.D.

RU.77.13. RU.77.14 RU.77.15. RU.77.17. RU.77.18. 88

RU.77.19. RU.77.20. RU.77.21. RU.77.22. RU.77.23. RU.77.24. RU.77.25.

7 (095) 261-1062 7 (095) 361-1009 7 (095) 373-7350 7 (095) 387-1396 7 (095) 138-5959 7 (095) 167-7066 7 (095) 351-4243 7 (095) 442-1594 7 (095) 442-2481 7 (095) 478-4501 7 (095) 161-3110 7 (095) 399-5112

Tamara V. Korsakova, M.D. German K. Prokhorov, M.D. Elena B. Molokova, M.D. Natalia Yu. Kostushkina, M.D. Svetlana M. Ovchinnikova, M.D. Galina I. Chepeleva, M.D. Lidia K. Slepak, M.D.

# of Kids 100 100 75 100 100 80 100 100 100 80 85 100 100

Region

ID#

Name of Orphanage

Address

Tel/fax/e-mail

Name of Director

# of Kids

St Petersburg

RU.78.01.

City of St. Petersburg Baby Orphanage #1 City of St. Petersburg Baby Orphanage # City of St. Petersburg Baby Orphanage # City of St. Petersburg Baby Orphanage # 4 City of St. Petersburg Baby Orphanage # City of St. Petersburg Baby Orphanage #6 City of St. Petersburg Baby Orphanage # City of St. Petersburg Baby Orphanage # City of St. Petersburg Baby Orphanage # City of St. Petersburg Baby Orphanage # City of St. Petersburg Baby Orphanage # City of St. Petersburg Baby Orphanage # City of St. Petersburg Baby Orphanage #13

40, Z. Portnova St., St. Petersburg, 198206, Russia 83, Novoizmailovsky Ave., St. Petersburg, 196247, Russia 104, Yuzhnoe Hwy., St. Petersburg, 192241, Russia 26, korpus 4, Esenin St., St. Petersburg, 194356, Russia 35, Zdorovtsev St., St. Petersburg, 198259, Russia 23, Odoevsky St., St. Petersburg, 199053, Russia 18, Sinyavinskaya St., St. Petersburg, 195176, Russia Primorsky Ave., St. Petersburg, 197183, Russia Moika River Emb., St. Petersburg, 191186, Russia 61, Novoizmailovsky Ave., St Petersburg, 196190, Russia 4, Detsky Dr., St. Petersburg, 196084, Russia 9, Yelizarov St., St. Petersburg, !93029, Russia 98, Griboedov Emb., St. Petersburg, 190068, Russia

7 (812) 255-7530

A. T. Beglova, M.D.

120

7 (812) 290-9021

N. S. Kostina, M.D.

100

7 (812) 269-1065

N. M. Smirnova, M.D.

140

7 (812) 599-2188

Galina M. Tkachenko, M.D. L. A. Lamus, M.D.

100

RU.78.02. RU.78.03. RU.78.04. RU.78.05. RU.78.06. 89

RU.78.07. RU.78.08. RU.78.09. RU.78.10. RU.78.11. RU.78.12. RU.78.13.

7 (812) 130-4368 7 (812) 350-0409

135 105

7 (812) 227-2562

Svetlana A. Taits, M.D. L. N. Novysh, M.D.

7 (812) 239-0354

A. G. Roguleva, M.D.

115

7 (812) ???-????

A. M. Gamaeva, M.D.

60

7 (812) 295-5550

O. I. Gaidukova, M.D.

85

7 (812) 298-3066

N. G. Gorbik, M.D.

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7 (812) 265-1340

N. V. Nikiforova, M.D.

140

7 (812) 113-4309

Natalia V. Nikiforova, M.D.

80

80

(Continued)

Region

Komi-Permyatsk

ID#

Name of Orphanage

RU.78.16.

City of St. Petersburg 13, Bobruiskaya St., St. PetersBaby Orphanage #16 burg, 195009, Russia City of Kudymkar Baby 17, Lenin St., Kudymkar, Orphanage 617240, Russia City of Salekhard Baby 8-a, Brodnev St., Salekhard, Orphanage 626000, RF

RU.81.05.

Yamalo-Nenetsky RU.89.05.

Address

Tel/fax/e-mail

Name of Director

# of Kids

7 (812) 542-0419

V. N. Sereda, M.D.

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7 (342-60) 2-0034

Alexey A. Lekomtsev, M.D.

7 (???-??) 4-4732

Source: Holt, Karen. Database of Orphanages: 2008 http://www.karensadoptionlinks.com/rorphanage.html

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St. Basil’s in Red Square

Orphanage play yard

Charlie being held by nurse with other children in carriages

Alisa with Russian nurse feeding Charlie

Rows of cribs in Charlie’s bedroom in the orphanage

Jack with his favorite nurse holding him

Jack on the couch with his pillow

Charlie sitting in the grass for the first time.

Charlie at Wells Beach.

First picture we received of Charlie

Jack and Charlie together

Jack, Daddy, and Charlie.

Tim with baby Jack

Alisa kissing baby Jack

Alisa holding Jack

Alisa, Jack, and Tim

CHAPTER 6

The First Year as a Family

Your new baby is used to drinking a combination of milk-based product and cereal from a bottle. Not only do they not recognize the texture of solid foods in their mouths, but they may likely have low muscle tone. Talk to your pediatrician about ways to provide healthy and usually fattening foods for your new child. Get creative and have patience! Do not attempt to change their diet in a day. Be sure to write a list of foods he or she liked while at the orphanage, and detail their daily schedule. Feed your baby many of the foods they ate while they were at the orphanage. You can slowly begin to integrate one new food per week for them. Be sure to grind foods up for easier feeding. Be aware of reactions to foods for any allergies your new child may have. Mealtime very likely will be a highlight of your child’s day. Really focus on making eye contact with them while eating. Food has been referred to as the language of love so take care during feeding times. Do not become frustrated if mealtimes are a lengthy process. They still are with my kids! Your new child is used to being in a crib. The problem is that your baby was accustomed to playing, eating, and sleeping in this little space. Now your baby has to learn that this place is only for resting. Be consistent with the nightly routine; your child will adjust more quickly with structure. Spend quiet time reading to your child each night. Be sure to make a lot of eye contact, and caress your child. Forming healthy attachments with your child is your top priority! You will have to complete four post-placement reports after adopting your child. They are scheduled at six months, one year, two years, and three years after the completion of your adoption. The report must be in Russia exactly, or just prior to, six months, one year, two years, and three

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years after date of adoption. Remember to allow time to schedule the visit with your social worker as well as time for him or her to write the report and have it translated into Russian. Below is the post-placement report from our adoption agency. Post-Placement Report Number: Child’s Full Name After Adoption: Sex: Date of Birth After Adoption: Date of Adoption: Child’s Full Name (first, patronymic and last) Prior to Adoption: Full Name of Adoptive Parents and Their Ages: Mother: Father: Current Address and Telephone: Mother: Telephone: Father: Telephone: Full Name and Title of Person Conducting Post Placement: David Mexcur, Ed.D. Executive Director of New Hope Christian Services Date of Post Placement Investigation: Date of Next Post Placement: INTERVIEW QUESTIONS FOR POST PLACEMENT REPORTS. Please complete and send with 3 clear, recent pictures of your child. Thank you. I. PROVISIONS PROVIDING FOR THE CHILD’S WELFARE 1. What is the height and weight of your child?

2. When did your child last visit his or her pediatrician? What were the general comments of the doctor? Are there any issues or special needs? If so, how are these being treated? Has your child been sick or injured? Has he or she received any medical treatments (if so describe)?

3. Do you have family insurance to pay medical/dental expenses for your child?


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4. Is your child current on immunization shots?

5. How is your child doing developmentally? Is he or she behind, ahead or typical in meeting developmental milestones?

6. How is your child’s speech coming along? How is comprehension? Is your child receiving any special speech therapy?

7. Is your child walking? (When did he or she start?) Is your child potty trained (if so at what age)?

8. Does your child sleep through the night? Does he or she take an afternoon nap?

9. What is the typical daily schedule of your child?

10. Does your child dress himself or herself? If so at what age did he or she start?

11. How is your child about eating? Is he or she a fussy eater? What foods does he or she generally like and what foods does he or she dislike? Does your child feed himself or herself, if so at what age did he or she begin? Does your child have any food or other allergies?

12. What toys does your child especially enjoy playing with?

13. What play activities and equipment are available for your child (such as a swimming pool, swings, park, etc.)? If you have a family pool, is there a fence around the pool?

14. What safety measures to you have around your home to assure the child’s safety (Such as smoke detectors, gates, locked doors, etc.)?

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II. THE ADOPTIVE PARENT’S ABILITY TO PROVIDE FOR THE CHILD 1. What is your present employment situation? Do one or both parents work? What is the name, address and phone number of the places you work? Has your income increased or decreased since the time your home study was completed? If there is a significant change in income from what is stated on your home study, what is your present annual combined income?

III. FAMILY AND SURROUNDINGS 1. Do you live in the same house where you lived when your home study was completed? If not, please describe your new home (size, number of bedrooms and bathrooms, yard, etc.)

2. Does your child share a bedroom with another child or does he or she have a private room? Do you have a playroom or family room for the child’s play activities?

3. What are some of the favorite things your child enjoys doing in the home? Does he or she enjoy books or family reading? What are some of his or her favorite toys?

4. Do you have any pets in the home? Please describe. How does your child get along with the pets?

5. How does your child interact with other members of the household? How does you child get along with other children outside of the home?

6. Does your child go to daycare, nursery school, or regular school? If so, how often? How is your child doing in this learning environment?

7. How often does your child interact with the maternal and paternal grandparents? Are there other extended family members living nearby? How does he or she get along with extended family?


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8. What special opportunities have you provided for your child (such as swimming lessons, gymnastics, summer camp, family vacations, sports, travel, etc)?

IV. CONCLUSION 1. Are you planning anything new for the child the next year? (Such as a school opportunity, sports, etc.)

2. How would you describe your child’s overall adjustment to his or her new home?

3. Are there any other comments about your child and his or her placement that you think we would find interesting and helpful in preparing your post placement report?

ASSESSMENT OF THE SUCCESS OF THIS PLACEMENT: __________________________________________________ Date: SWORN AND SUBSCRIBED, before me, this _____day _______________, 200___. My Commission Expires: _______________________________________

of

Notary Public Mexcur, Dr. David. Post Placement Report. Rumney, NH: New Hope Christian Services, 2008.

Obtain your child’s social security number right away. This can be a very lengthy but necessary process. As you may know, the U.S. government will give you an adoption credit of $10,000.00. You will be unable to receive it without a social security number for your child. Your adopted child will receive his or her U.S. citizenship immediately following your pass through customs at the port of entry into the United States. The child will be issued an IR-3 Visa in Moscow which will allow for this immediate citizenship to happen. IR-3 visa stands for Immediate Relative Visa and is issued to an orphan adopted abroad by U.S citizen(s).

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I cannot imagine your child would travel on an IR-4 out of Russia as that is the type of visa used for a child who has not yet been seen by the adopting parents. Russian law mandates such contact between orphans and their prospective parents before the court date for the adoption can be scheduled. A child will receive automatic U.S. citizenship if the following terms are met: They enter the U.S. on an IR-3 Visa; They are under 18 years old; The parent(s) are U.S. citizens; The adoption was finalized abroad; Child is permitted to enter the U.S. as a permanent resident.

Many adopting parents wish to readopt their child once they are home and settled. We readopted both of our children at Superior Court in our state. This process will enable your child to have a legal and binding birth certificate recognized by all states, and any name changes you have made will be considered legal in the United States. I think it can be a good idea especially when your children are school age. It’s just easier for the child to have a birth certificate that looks like everyone else’s. From the orphanage, we made our way back to the hotel where we would be alone together with Jack for the very first time. I shuffled through all of the food, toiletries, bottles with special nipples to aid in digestion, onesies, diapers, and toys to find the box of cereal and jarred fruit we had brought from home. I fortunately had packed the box of cereal in a Ziploc bag. The box was crushed and the flakes dusted the inside of the baggie. It smelled awful but so did the formula he had been eating. I prepared his first meal of baby cereal and fruit. Tim held him as I tried to feed him. As if he didn’t know what to do, he played with the mush in his mouth leaving most of each bite on his face. We noticed that he would gag and burp a lot. His burps smelled like sulfur. It was amazing that such a pungent smell could come from such a sweet, tiny little being. Rarely had he eaten anything that was any thicker than milk. Much of his diet in the orphanage had been milk with small amounts of baby rice mixed in and fed through a bottle. The caretakers would make the hole in the nipple large enough for the food to pass through the bottles so they could feed a lot of children at the same time. A nurse would deliver one bottle to each waiting mouth as the children lay in a row of cribs. Unfortunately, there would be occasions when the infant was too weak to pick the bottle up if it had dropped out of his mouth. That meal would not make it into the baby. The nurses would come around and pick up all of the bottles after a certain amount of time with little time to check who had gotten any nourishment. While we were still at the orphanage, I asked if there was anything we could say to our son to comfort him as he separated from them and got used to us. His nurse, through an interpreter, told us to start speaking


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English to him right away. She cautioned that because our accents were so different from anything he was used to, she did not think he would be able to understand our words even if we were saying them in Russian. She reminded us to use his new name a lot when speaking to him and to look him in the eyes as we interacted. We had been told that Jack might fear bath time. Baths were given in groups in the orphanage; a quick dunk and a rub of soap was all it was. After we fed him, we gave him his first bath in the bathroom sink. We were surprised to see how easily he fit into the sink. At fourteen months old, he weighed only fifteen pounds. It was somewhat painful to see him naked— he appeared even more vulnerable. His thin gray skin didn’t look like enough protection from the outside world. His ribs and spine protruded from his torso and you could easily see his little heart beating. He has an “outie” bellybutton, which we had learned that he shared with many Russian babies because of the way the umbilical cord was cut at birth. His knees were very pronounced on his thin legs. He loved the splashing. Little Jack was smiling from ear to ear; he was happy. He looked even younger with the small amount of hair that he had soaking wet. We focused on looking directly at him when speaking and using a light tone. Tim tapped the mirror loudly enough for Jack to turn and look. He was in awe. His curious little hands with his long fingers tapped back at the baby in the mirror. We tried to think like he was thinking as we witnessed him experiencing life for the first time. We realized he had never seen himself before. We lathered him up in baby cream and dressed him in a white and baby blue one-piece outfit. He looked so cozy and smelled so sweet. He was still hard to hold, though. It was then that we realized that it was his body, not the amount of clothing he was wearing that made him so stiff. It was as if he didn’t know how to be held. We literally had to help him to bend his tight little legs to cradle Tim’s hip. Once in position, the three of us headed downstairs for our first dinner as a family. We chose a restaurant that had live music playing. Jack was absolutely fixed on and so stimulated by the band throughout the meal. After dinner, we enjoyed showing him off to the hotel employees who had been so welcoming and helpful on both of our trips. They were so sweet and congratulatory toward us. We were sure they knew we had come for an adoption and their kind words solidified our thoughts. Each of the women we had dealt with at the front desk was quick to congratulate us and tell little Jack how lucky he was. I am not sure why we ordered the baby crib; we were so excited to put him safely between us in our bed. We headed back to our room to get little Jack ready for bed. We all crawled into the bed and each of us slept through the night. The next few days were spent running errands around St. Petersburg getting Jack’s passport and obtaining clearance to travel to Moscow. There

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we would have a final medical exam performed and go to the American Embassy to get Jack’s visa to fly to the United States. On many occasions, the judge can order that a new family stay in St. Petersburg for a ten-day waiting period immediately following an adoption. Fortunately for us, she had waived the option, which meant as soon as all of the necessary documents were completed and recorded, we could begin our journey home. On one of our car trips Viktor got pulled over by the police for speeding. He calmly told us to wait in his SUV while he spoke to the officer. He had a conversation that lasted maybe five minutes before he returned to the vehicle. He told us he bribed the officer with the equivalent of three U.S. dollars to prevent written documentation of him having been stopped for speeding. He explained that the price was so high because he was driving a Montero Sport; if we had been in a compact Russian-made car, it may have only cost us one dollar, if even that. Viktor explained that the average monthly salary for police officers in St. Petersburg equals U.S. $150.00 per month. Many of the apartment rentals in the city cost $150.00 per month. Viktor was happy to give the man the three dollars in an effort to avoid an increase in his insurance premium. On that same day, Tim, along with the other new fathers in our group went with Viktor to do errands to expedite the process of getting clearance to leave St. Petersburg with our new children. The group of men went to finalize official documentation proving the adoptions took place and that we are lawfully the children’s parents. They were going to the appropriate legal offices to obtain new birth certificates for the children depicting their new name as well as the names of their parents. Jack and I were together, just the two of us for the very first time. I bundled him into a navy blue snowsuit, mittens and hat, and a fleece pair of Baby Gap slippers. I had bought those because we had no idea how big his feet were going to be. We had plenty of warm socks and these slippers with soles. I strapped him into the Baby Bjorn carrier my sister-in-law had loaned me. We made it toward the elevator. I couldn’t help but catch the silhouette of myself walking with my baby strapped to my chest. We belonged together, it just felt right. He was fascinated with everything we encountered. He loved the mirrors and gold decor of the elevator, the sound of everyone’s dress shoes as they walked along the marble floors. I acted like I was pausing for the baby to see the image in the mirror every time someone passed by. I was very happy to gaze at my son often and for long periods of time. The waterfall in the lobby was a great thing for Jack. He loved it! The guards waved to the baby as we passed. Everyone quietly congratulated us. Everyone knew what we had accomplished and they were proud of it. Jack and I went out to the street. On the previous trip, Tim and I had gone into a very fancy souvenir shop. I knew it was only down the street and around the corner toward the Temple of Spilt Blood. I wanted to go back. This time the visit to the shop would be different—I was going to


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splurge and buy something and I wasn’t going to accept a taste of Russian vodka. It looked just as it had on our last trip. I had to walk extra carefully, not being used to having my child strapped to my chest. Everything was authentic and very pricy—nesting dolls, eggs, elegant stationery, and watercolors of the landmarks that make St. Petersburg so breathtaking. We chose gifts for ourselves and for Jack’s new family awaiting him back in the U.S. As we approached the checkout counter, I could feel the sweet young women looking and talking about the baby attached to me. I didn’t feel frightened or nervous, only happy. I placed our items on the counter just out of the baby’s reach. They told me how much it would be in rubles and then one of girls told me they would also accept U.S. currency. Oddly enough, I had more money in rubles than dollars in my wallet. She knew I was an American. They took my payment and carried on whispering in Russian. One girl then looked at me and said, “We are just speaking about how beautiful American babies are.” “Thank you,” was all I said. I smiled the entire way back to the Grand Kempinski. An American baby, yeah, as of less than twenty-four hours ago! I couldn’t wait for this dream to solidify into a reality when he attained his citizenship when we arrived in Boston. The night before we were to fly to Moscow on our way home, rebels attacked a theatre in the city. We watched the news with vigilance. The latest report indicated that there were over one hundred lives lost from the deadly gas poisoning. Viktor was very honest with us and explained what had happened making a point that Americans were not the target, even though American lives had been lost. I understood and appreciated his genuine attempt to comfort us, but it wasn’t only about the lives of Americans. For the first time, we had connected with so many people that live across the world from us and felt concern for them. It was a very insecure time. We were already scared. We wanted to be home with all of our loved ones who were anxiously waiting the arrival of our new son. The SUVs met in the parking lot of the airport in St. Petersburg in the evening to load the new families onto the Aeroflot Airlines flight from St. Petersburg to Moscow. We were all very excited to finally be on our way home to resume our lives and welcome our children into our families. Tim supported little Jack as he stood on the grass near the edge of the parking lot. He wanted him to have stood on the ground in St. Petersburg before he left his birthplace. There was a buzz in the air from all of the new parents talking at once making sure each had all of the documents, passports, visas, camera cases, and diaper bags needed for the flight. We flew the 6:30 P.M. flight into Moscow. We fed the little ones their bottles upon takeoff to help prevent their ears from having any problems. They played, mostly amazed again at all of the new sights. Jack was very comfortable with us, as if he knew we were his parents. I changed him and his former crib mate, Sarah, on a small bench reserved for the

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flight attendants. We arrived in Moscow after a short flight. We quickly went to the hotel where we were to stay the night and worked on getting clearance from the Russian Embassy to leave the country with our new son. We checked in very late at night and found our rooms. The mothers stayed with their children while the fathers met with Viktor in the lobby to discuss the details of the next day. The plan was to wake early to take the children to the only currently licensed hospital in Moscow for the final medical examination for each child before leaving Russia for the United States. We would also travel as a family to the American Embassy to obtain our baby’s visa. Tim returned to our room to explain to me the details of the day ahead. We had purchased tickets to leave Russia and fly to Paris the next day, which was a day before everyone else was going to leave. We had done this because we had always wanted to visit France and thought we should take advantage of this opportunity. We decided to sit in the bathroom of our hotel and reminisce about our trip, careful not to make any noise, and talk anxiously of our homecoming. We laughed at what we had done. We deserved this! The next morning, we all met in the lobby to meet the new driver who was going to bring us to the hospital. I promptly asked Viktor if I had enough time for a quick cup of coffee. “Oh, no, no, no,” he said, “we must get their early, you have no idea how many families will be there with their children waiting to see the doctor.” As much as Viktor was accommodating and friendly, he was always very direct and to the point. I liked that about him. Finally, we came to a break in the street where it felt as though the van was going to turn right. There was a dark, intimidating guard standing at the closed gate. Viktor said something to him in Russian and he waved us through. What an eerie place. The morning was still very early and the air was thick and gray. We drove down a narrow winding driveway to an old building. I guess we entered through what was the main entrance. Again, that old but clean smell came over me, just like at the orphanage. We walked through what looked like had been a recreation room at one time to a small room used for a sitting area. We all signed in on a small notepad. We took our seats with our babies while the husbands stood. We were all tired but full of energy from the nervous excitement, anxiety, and exhaustion. Tim leaned over to me and rubbed Jack’s little legs as he stretched out comfortably in my lap. He whispered, “Who would’ve ever thought we would have been sitting in a hospital in Moscow, Russia with our new baby at 6 A.M.?!” We shared a small laugh at just another thing that felt so surreal. We were anxious, very anxious. This was the ticket that would permit us to leave with our new son for America. One by one each couple entered the small examination room with the doctor. We were the second family. The doctor was a very pleasant man who had a refreshingly good grasp of the English language. We sat our bare baby on the table for the doctor.


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Jack evidenced that he had already bonded with us as he fought me putting him there. The doctor said very little as he examined our baby. The hip-click check was again very rough and was painful to watch. Jack didn’t cry, though. The doctor noticed that he had a rather short muscle underneath his tongue. He called it a “shortened hector muscle” and said we may want to have it checked in the States because it can impede appropriate speech development. Certainly there were signs of undernourishment, a lack of certain essential vitamins, and his muscles were underdeveloped. After all, he had spent twenty out of twenty-four hours of his day in his crib. His living space was not even the full size of a baby’s crib, but more like the size of the pack-and-plays we use in the U.S. The other three American couples were from the same adoption agency out of Massachusetts and had made arrangements to travel as one. Hindsight tells me that that was what we should have done. Instead, we were going to be the first family to fly out of Moscow. The morning of our departure there was a knock at our door. It was Bill, Michelle, and little Elena who was now named, Sarah Elena. They were obviously upset. There had been a mistake on Sarah’s year of birth on her passport. Because of this error, they were unable to leave the country with their daughter. The worst wasn’t the fact that their travel home would be delayed for an undisclosed amount of time, but that they had their son waiting for them back in New Hampshire. Tyler was their eldest and he would have to wait to see his Mommy and Daddy and new baby sister whom he had not yet met for who knew how much longer. We were devastated by their news. We gave them all of the powdered baby formula we had left. We didn’t know how long they would have to stay in Moscow. We packed the room and got ready to go home with our little son. I was so excited, so emotional. I just wanted to be on our way. I didn’t want to leave the friends we had made, but boarding a plane would get us closer to home. We checked and rechecked the folder Viktor gave us. He gave us very strict orders to guard it and not give it to anyone until we reached our port of entry in the United States. It contained all of our legal documents for our son as well as for us. Viktor was very serious with us when he told us to watch the folder as closely as we watched Jack. Our early departure required that everyone else be on a rushed schedule to ensure we obtained proper clearance to leave the country with the baby by the time we had to board our plane to France. Viktor told our driver that we needed him to take us to the airport and Viktor came along to help us navigate. The driver did not speak any English, but he did communicate with us. It was a long ride to the international airport, a ride just like any other when you can’t wait to get to your destination. We flew down crowded winding streets. Tim held Jack on his lap in the middle of the back seat. They were held together by a worn but functional seatbelt. Viktor was

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asleep in the front seat. He was using his bunched up down jacket as a headrest. All of sudden his cell phone started ringing. He immediately jumped up and rifled through his pockets to answer the caller. The phone was no longer in his pocket. We got the impression that he was so concerned about the phone call because it could be someone with information on the corrections to Sarah Elena’s passport, but it wasn’t. Instead, the driver erupted in laughter before any of us realized what had happened. He had hidden Viktor’s phone before intentionally calling it! It was not an important call; it was a prank. That had to have been why the driver had grimaced at us in the rear-view mirror a few minutes earlier. Not only was it a funny incident, but it also felt good that even though we didn’t speak the same language, we had made another connection. Viktor helped us out of the car. We unloaded our luggage and our baby. Bags strapped around us, tickets in pockets, we headed toward the terminal. It was time to say goodbye to Viktor. He had become our friend. He was the man we granted power of attorney over our son in our absence. We laughed with him, we gave him our money, and got change back. We trusted him and we were going to miss him. Once he said goodbye to Tim, he came over to the baby and me. He spoke in Russian to John Sergei. We knew Jack understood every word as his little eyes were fixed on his distinguished face. Viktor whispered to us that he would be a good boy. I hugged him. We were so grateful to him. As soon as I hugged him, I realized maybe that I should not have. He was stiff with his arms fixed at his sides and he acted surprised. I had made him feel uncomfortable and that made me feel bad. I had overstepped my bounds. As we walked toward the airport I thought about calling him to apologize. Tim discouraged me with saying that it was in my culture to do that to a good friend. He said that since we regarded him as such, it was the right thing to do. I felt satisfied with that. The airport didn’t feel like the same one we had been to three times prior to this visit. Because of the recent terrorist attacks, we had to cross through sandy unkempt walkways to an entrance not generally used for the airport itself. The wheels on our luggage were not designed for this terrain and dumped over repeatedly in the sand. We entered the airport and found the terminal for our gate. Once inside, we found a row of seats near our gate. Tim went off to get something to eat and came back with sandwiches for the three of us to share. We attempted to eat and relax, a difficult thing to do. There were guards with rows of bullets strung over their shoulders and M16s in position in their hands. I was frightened. I knew it was all mind over matter, but I let myself “go there.” I didn’t want to do anything to let anyone know that the baby in my arms was Russian and that he was about to leave his native country to a life waiting for him in the United States.


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We got organized to go through customs as soon as the officials would allow it. There were rules to follow. I think to help with traffic control, travelers cannot declare more than two hours prior to their scheduled departure time. Once our turn came after standing in the line for twenty minutes, we learned that we were supposed to be in the green line rather than the red line. Then, we learned that we did not have the right forms filled out. Tim quickly went to the counter and grabbed two new forms. We filled them all in and signed our names. They checked our passports— two American, one Russian. The woman behind the window stamped Tim’s passport, and then mine. She examined Jack’s. The red passport had his infant picture on the back cover. He was wearing a jacket that we had never seen before. It must have been a nice donation from someone. She knew that he was Russian and that we were his new parents bringing him home. She placed three stamps on his passport; two blue and one black. One of the blue ones was the Russian Embassy seal and another that had Russian writing and the date. The black one was dated and signed. Collectively, the presence of these three stamps granted him permission to leave the country. If you have a layover in another country long enough to leave the airport, you may consider buying a transit visa. The cost will be about fifty dollars. Although it is another errand, it will be handy to have. The flight was seven hours and fifty-five minutes long. We ordered a bassinet for Jack in the hope that he would sleep some of the way. The bassinet proved only to waste our leg room as he would hardly even sit in it! Almost five hours into the flight I checked the aerial map to see where we were. It was then that I truly realized how far away from home we had been. We were only over Iceland! The direction finally came, “Please take your seats and prepare for descent into Boston’s Logan Airport.” We knew our family would be there to meet Sergei for the first time. The agent was smiling and talking with our baby for the first minute or so. She looked up at Jack who was perched in the baby carrier on my chest. “Welcome home, John,” was all she said as she stamped our passports and his paperwork. We made our way to the immigration office where Jack received his United States citizenship on the afternoon of October 29, 2002. As we were leaving the baggage claim area, I saw my mother standing with two police officers. My mother saw her first grandchild for the first time. We were escorted by the officers to the front of the line of people waiting to leave the terminal. As soon as we passed through a door reading “International Arrivals Only,” we saw them. A crowd of more than fifty family members and friends were there to meet John Sergei. There was not a dry eye in the place, not even those of perfect strangers.

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Below is an overview of intercountry adoptions published by the Child Welfare Information Gateway on the Web site www.childwelfare.gov. Child Welfare Information Gateway, http://www.childwelfare.gov/ systemwide/laws_policies/statutes/intercountry.cfm#2 Intercountry adoptions may be finalized abroad or domestically. Most State statutes give full effect and recognition to intercountry adoptions finalized abroad. Full effect of a foreign adoption decree means that adoptive parents and adopted children have the same rights and obligations as they would have if a State court had issued the adoption decree. Recognition of a foreign adoption decree means that the decree is just as valid and binding as a decree issued by a State court. Additionally, most State statutes provide for validation of the foreign adoption or readoption of the child under State law and establish application procedures for adopted children to obtain a U.S. birth certificate. When U.S. citizens finalize the adoption of a foreign-born child abroad, they must apply to the U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services (USCIS) to obtain an IR-3 visa for the child, which classifies the child as an immigrant and provides the child with U.S. citizenship upon arrival into the U.S. The immigration procedure is different for intercountry adoptions that are finalized after the child arrives in the United States. Full Effect and Recognition of Intercountry Adoption Decrees Intercountry adoptions are governed primarily by State law once an adopted child arrives into the State of residence of the adoptive parent(s). States regulate intercountry adoptions finalized abroad differently than they regulate intercountry adoptions finalized domestically, typically in one of three ways: • Approximately 31 States and one territory grant full effect and recognition to foreign adoption decrees issued abroad. • Approximately five States grant full effect and recognition to the foreign adoption decree only after validation of the foreign adoption decree by a State court or readoption of the adopted child in a State court. • Approximately two States do not grant any effect or recognition to the foreign adoption decree and require validation or readoption under State law.

Approximately five States may not grant full effect and recognition to foreign adoption decrees under certain circumstances. For instance, California and Connecticut may refuse to grant full effect and recognition if the adoptive parents did not see the child prior to or during the finalization of the adoption abroad; Ohio and Texas may refuse to grant full effect and recognition if any aspect of the adoption law or procedure of the country that finalized the adoption violates State law and public policy; and Oklahoma may refuse to grant full effect and recognition if the adoptive parents are members of the same sex. When a State refuses to grant


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full effect and recognition to a foreign adoption, the adoptive parents may have to validate the foreign adoption or readopt the child under State law. Readoption after an Intercountry Adoption Usually, if a State automatically grants full effect and recognition to a foreign adoption decree, it will not require validation or readoption. Validation is the process of submitting an adopted child’s foreign adoption decree for State court approval. Readoption is the process of adopting a child who was previously adopted in another jurisdiction. Both processes are similar because they involve State court review and legitimization of the foreign adoption and typically require the adoptive parents to provide the court with certain documents, including a certified translated copy of the foreign adoption decree, proof of the date and place of the adopted child’s birth, and proof that the child has an IR-3 visa. Approximately five States require the adoptive parents to petition the court to validate or register the foreign adoption or foreign adoption decree. Approximately two States require the adoptive parents to readopt the child, instead of requiring validation. Approximately 16 States offer readoption as an option, not a requirement. When readoption is optional, adoption professionals recommend that adoptive parents consider it as a precautionary measure because it protects the intercountry adoption finalized abroad from a legal challenge in State court and ensures the adopted child’s ability to inherit from the adoptive parents. Also, readoption provides the adopted child with an opportunity to obtain a U.S. birth certificate. Application for a U.S. Birth Certificate After readoption or validation of a foreign adoption in a State court, adoptive parents can request that the State Registrar of Vital Statistics issue a State birth certificate for the adoptee. Approximately 14 States allow adoptive parents to request a U.S. birth certificate for their adopted child even if the parents do not readopt or seek validation under State law. Only four States, the District of Columbia, Puerto Rico, and the territories currently do not provide in statute for issuing a U.S. birth certificate for an intercountry adoptee. Usually, the request for a birth certificate will be accompanied by a certified copy of the final adoption decree, the State court’s findings of fact as to date and place of birth, and a written request for a new birth certificate for the adopted person. The State Registrar will issue the birth certificate in the new name of the adoptee if requested by the adoptive parents, and the certificate will show the actual date and place of birth. Afterwards, the Registrar will seal the original birth certificate, order or decree of adoption, and the court findings, which will not be unsealed except by court order or as provided

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by law. The birth certificate will be valid in all 50 States, Puerto Rico, and the territories but will not be accepted as evidence of U.S. citizenship for the child in approximately 22 States. Jack is the little boy who is noticed by everyone and makes friends wherever he goes. He says “hi” to everyone in the grocery store. If they do not respond to him, he says “hi” louder and louder until they say hello back. On one occasion, I had to ask an elderly man to just say hi to the baby because my son would not stop saying it until he got a response. One night my husband, Jack, and I were in a restaurant with my parents and sister having dinner. There were two high school–aged couples sitting next to us. The girls thoroughly enjoyed talking and playing with Jack throughout the meal. They left before we did. One of the girls handed my sister a sugar packet with her name and phone number on it. She told me to have Jack give her a call when he is old enough! Some of the more challenging times with Jack’s adjustment have been his poor eating and sleeping habits. He is one of those children who pocket their food and take forever to swallow one bite. This unnerved me especially since he didn’t even measure on the growth charts for his weight. We decided that I would make all of his food from what we ate. I bought a hand blender and pureed everything from vegetables to turkey, fish, and meats. I fed him bananas and soups a lot. I wanted to maximize the nutrition with every bite. When he would go in for a nap, he would never fall asleep. People would always comment, “He’ll fall asleep once he’s tired enough.” Or, even funnier, they would witness him race around for an entire day and say, “Boy, he’ll sleep well tonight.” Tim and I would just laugh, Ya, right. We came to realize that Jack was used to his bed as being a place to play, look at books, interact with other children, eat, etc. We had to condition him to realize that he was in his crib to sleep, not live. I learned creative ways to keep him entertained and quiet in the car. Our way home from the babysitter’s is the perfect time to go on a school bus hunt. I removed the headrest on the passenger seat so that he could see out the front windshield. He enthusiastically says, “Bus, where are you?” when there are none in sight. Once one of us spots one, usually he first, he yells, “Hi, bus, how are you, bus?” Jack and I, along with our very close friends, went to a concert to hear a favorite pianist of ours, Sergei Novikov. Tim and I had met him years ago and had hired him to play at our rehearsal dinner before our wedding. We all listened to Sergei fill the room with pleasure and happiness. He was originally from Moscow, Russia and had been in the States for more than fourteen years. Sergei told the crowd that he was preparing for his first trip home since he had left in the upcoming months. On his first break, I reluctantly went up to him to say hello and introduce him to my friends and my new son. I was pleasantly surprised when he remembered me and the occasion when he performed so elegantly on


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our special night. He was thrilled to meet and hear all about Jack and his arrival home. I was touched by his genuine appreciation. After enjoying another set of his beautiful music, he began to speak. He told the attentive crowd that he felt blessed that he was not the only Sergei in the room. His words got my attention from the back of the crowded library. He spoke of what life is like in Russia and of the thousands of orphans who live on its streets. Sergei pointed us out and said that everyone should realize that they were fortunate that night to be in the presence of Jack and me. He told everyone how difficult it was to adopt a child from Russia and that when people encounter adoptive parents they should feel honored to know them. I was so moved by his words. In so many ways he was right. It had been very hard. We really did give everything we had to make this happen. I also felt rather awkward. Although I certainly appreciated the recognition, I did not feel ever that I was a hero. I did not go to Russia to save the orphans, rather to save myself. People still tell Jack all the time how lucky he is to have us as his parents. The truth really is that we are so lucky to have him. I have spent my days trying to be good enough for him. He really does make me a better person. At Christmas, Jack gave his godmother—my sister Kate—a charm bracelet with his name engraved in the heart. For my sister Lauren, we gave her the same bracelet with no name on the heart. We asked her to be the godmother to our new baby we are expecting to meet for the very first time when we travel back to St. Petersburg, Russia this spring. It didn’t feel premature to give her the bracelet at Christmas as the baby had for sure already been born. We are just waiting for the official invitation to travel back to one of the many orphanages. So many things have happened! Jack has made some sweet little friends. He went to a private daycare when I returned to work where he continued to flourish. He learned sign language while continuing to develop his English. He has become so agile and incredibly interested in all sports. Recently, he had his first hockey lesson. The goal of the first session was for each child to be able to stand independently on the ice. He mastered it! Here is a great list of many different books on adoption and the issues surrounding adoption for various age groups:

ADOPTION BOOKS BY GRADE LEVEL Grades P-K

Family for Jamie—Suzanne Bloom Koala for Katie—Jonathan London An American Face—Jan Czech Caroline’s Story—Perry Schwartz

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Cora and the Elephants—Lissa Kovetch Downey Pistacchio and Fanny—Ann-Marie Chapouton Happy Adoption Day—John McCutcheon Horace—Holly Keller Just the Way You Are—Max Lucado My Real Family—Emily McCully Our Baby From China—Nancy D’antonio Over the Moon—Karen Katz Pablo’s Tree—Pat Mora Real Sisters—Susan Wright Tell Me Again—Jamie Lee Curtis The Day We Met You—Phoebe Koehler Little Green Goose—Adele Sansone This is How We Become a Family—Gordon Willis We Wanted You—Liz Rosenberg Foundling—Carol Carrick Paddington Bear—Michael Bond A Mother For Choco—Keiko Kasza Little Miss Spider—David Kirk A Blessing from Above—Patti Henderson The Duck Wedding—N. Patricia Yarborough Grades 1–3

Bad Boris and the New Kitten—Susie Jenkin-Pearce Chinese Eyes—Marjorie Waybill Dinner at Aunt Connie’s House—Faith Ringgold Why Was I Adopted—Carol Livingston Abby—Jeannette Caines Adopted One—Sara Stein Adoption: Good Answers to Tough Questions—Joy Berry Adoption is For Always—Linda Girard Adoption Stories for Young Children—Randall Hicks Adv at Lookout Farm—Nadia Kirkpatrick Allison—Allen Say Beginnings-How Families Came to Be—Virginia Kroll Bobby the Most Silky—David McKelvey Bonesy and Isabel—Michael Rosen China Adoption Story—Frances Koh Diary of Mary Jemison—Mary Jemison (also, Indian Captive by Lois Lenski about Mary Jemison) Did My First Mother Love Me?—Kathryn Miller Dounia—Natacha Karvoskaia Emma’s Yucky Brother—Jean Little


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Enid and the Homecoming—Cynthia Williams Families are Different—Nina Pellegrini Go Home: The True Story of James the Cat—Libby Meggs Happy Adoption Day—John McKutcheon Heart of Mine—Dan Hojer How I was Adopted—Joanna Cole I Love You Like Crazy Cakes—Rose Lewis Let’s Talk About Adoption—Diana Helmer Let’s Talk About It—Fred Rogers Lucy’s Feet—Stephanie Stein Mommy Far, Mommy Near—Carol Peacock Nana’s Adoption Farm—Tryntje Horn New Beginnings—Chaya Weinfeld Pinky and Rex and the New Baby—James Howe Susan and Gordon Adopt a Baby—T Geiss Tall Boy’s Journey—Joanna Kraus Tell Me a Real Adoption Story—Betty Lifton Through Moon and Stars and Night Skies—Ann Turner Tides—VM Caldwell Tim’s Friend Towser—Edward Ardizzone Two Birthdays For Beth—Gay Cronin We Adopted You Benjamin Koo—Linda Girard William is My Brother—Jane Schnitter Zachary’s New Home—Geraldine Blomquist Grades 4–6

Sudden Change of Family—Mary Jane Auch Adoption—Stephen Currie Be My Baby—Gail Kinn Boardwalk with Hotels—Claudia Mills Cindy’s Glory—Joanna Campbell Claudia and the Great Search—Ann Martin Coyote Autumn—Bill Wallace Double Play at Short—Matt Christopher Edgar Allen—John Neufeld Family Secrets—Barbara Corcoran Family Tree—Pierre Coran Have You Seen Me—Monica Hall How It Feels to be Adopted—Jill Krementz (adults will appreciate this one too) I’m Going to Meet My Mother—Megan Howard ID—Peter Lerangis If It Hadn’t Been For Yoon Jun—Marie Lee

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It’s So Amazing—Robie Harris Jewel: Pieces of a Dream—Kristen Kemp Man and Mustang—George Ancona Marathon Miranda—Elizabeth Winthrop Me and My Name—Mary Jane Miller Missing Sisters—Gregory Maguire Mop, Moondance and Nagasaki Knight—Walter Dean Myers Most Wanted—Jordan Cray Mother Help Me Live—Lurlene McDaniel Mys at Witch Creek—Mary Crawford Only the Best—Bev Lewis Rain Forest Girl—Chalise Miner Secrets—Alane Ferguson Broccoli Tapes—Jan Slepian Mulberry Bird—Anne Brodzinsky Second Choices—Shirley Brinkerhoff Secret Language of the Sib—Elizabeth Scarboro Snake Stone—Berlie Doherty Tuck Triumphant—Theodore Taylor Tucket’s Gold—Gary Paulsen Turns on a Dime—Julie Lawson What My Sister Remembered—Marilyn Sachs Youn Hee and Me—CS Adler Babe the Gallant Pig—Dick King Smith Bristle Face—Zachary Ball Family Under the Bridge—Natalie Carlson Hawk I’m Your Brother—Byrd Baylor Lone Star—Barbara Barrie Night Jouneys—Avi Old Cat and the Kitten—Mary Little We Don’t Look Like Our Mom and Dad—Harriet Sobol Stuart Little—EB White Orphan Train Series—Joan Lowery Nixon Boxcar Children Series—Gertrude Chandler Warner Alice in April—Phyllis Naylor Alice in Lace Alice in Rapture Sort Of—Phyllis Naylor Alice in Between—Phyllis Naylor Alice on the Outside Alice the Brave—Phyllis Naylor Alice by Accident Angel’s Mother’s Boyfriend—Judy Delton


Grade 7þ

Special Kind of Love—Judy Baer About David—Susan Pfeffer Adoption—Gerri Glotzbach April and May—Jane Peart Don’t Think Twice—Ruth Pennebaker (ADULT READING) Emerald’s Desire—Paula Lee Find a Stranger, Say Goodbye—Lois Lowry Finders—Jan Dean Harley—Cat Bauer Heaven—Angela Johnson I See the Moon—C Christiansen Kid! What Happened After My Boyfriend and I Decided to Get Pregnant—Dan Savage (ADULT READING) Most Precious Blood—Susan Pfeffer No Turning Back—Judy Baer Rewind—William Sleator Sarah—Kathie Nichols Someone to Love—Francess Lantz Something Old Something New—Judy Baer There’s no Place Like Home—AG Cascone Who Am I?—Charlene Giannetti Aggie’s Home—Joan Lowery Nixon A Kindness—Cynthia Rylant

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CHAPTER 7

Toddler Adoption

“Don’t go, don’t go,” was all I could make out of Jack’s muffled teary threeyear-old voice. His face was buried in my shoulder and he would not let go long enough for me to look at him as he spoke. “Please come back inside with me, Mommy. Stay home with me.” I felt like telling him the truth; I didn’t want to leave him either. I was just going through the motions. The only way to bring our baby home was to make the long journey back to Russia for his adoption hearing. I wanted Jack and my family to know how much I loved and appreciated them in case something went wrong. I felt like a little girl again, so vulnerable, so fearful of the many unknowns. I think that is the feeling of being absolutely terrified. I knew I had to go and I had waited so long to go, but when it came down to it, I wasn’t sure if there was any more strength in my body to muster up. We all hugged and reminded one another of how much we loved the other. Then, we had to go. To leave the United States and enter Russia we needed to obtain a tourist visa for each of us. The tourist visa was processed at the American Embassy in Washington DC and then at the Russian Embassy, also in Washington DC. We filed for the paperwork and were told to hope that it would arrive by Federal Express on our door step the Saturday before we were due to leave. The visas did not come on Saturday. They did not come first thing Monday morning either. Instead, we had to meet the Fed Ex truck at their office in Portsmouth on our way to the airport. We arrived at Fed Ex by 7:15 A.M. and were told that the truck would not arrive for at least another hour. We decided that we would all go to breakfast and come back in an hour. We sat and ordered the food. I remember not wanting anything. I was so nervous and scared that I felt physically sick. There was no way I would be able to eat. I just wanted to cross the next bridge toward getting the visas.

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We made our way back to the Fed Ex station just shy of an hour later. We quickly learned that the truck still had not arrived. We all piled back in the car and tried to make conversation over our anxiety. My motherand father-in-law were talking about anything they could think of to keep our minds preoccupied. There it was, the Fed Ex truck driving down the road into the station. Once it was out of sight at the back of the building we all jumped out of the car as if it was on fire. At the front desk, they smiled that I am really sick of you but trying to be polite smile. They reiterated to us that they understood the importance and timeliness of our needing the package. My husband and his dad waited at the counter while my mother-in-law and I went back to the car. In unison, we said, “What if the package isn’t on the truck?” Neither of us laughed. Just then, Tim and his dad came away from the building with big smiles and a package in their hands. They loaded up and pulled out toward I-95 south. Who cared to check the package before we left Fed Ex? It was that or nothing. Luckily, it was everything we needed. It was written permission to enter Russia. Another bridge crossed. Once on the highway we celebrated a small victory. Now at least, we would be able to leave the United States and land in Russia. We made it to Boston’s Logan Airport less than forty-five minutes later. Everyone unloaded the car and we made our way toward our gate. We had plenty of time. In fact, we were told we could take a shuttle to New York at ten thirty out of Boston instead of the eleven o’clock flight. We made our way to the ticket counter. One of our friends had given us buddy passes to use for our trip. We presented our coupons and hoped that we could get tickets. Using buddy passes would not guarantee us seat availability on any of the planes throughout our entire trip. The woman behind the counter smiled and handed us the tickets. The cost was something like sixty dollars for each of us. We happily paid the discounted fare and accepted the challenge of having to rush through security to make it onto the flight. As luck would have it, we were chosen for a random scan. All of our bags were opened and searched; our shoes were removed. After feeling convinced there was no way we would make the flight, we were cleared to board. The plane was obviously waiting for us. The pleasant stewardess shut the door behind and we fumbled with our bags down the narrow aisle trying to find our seats. We excused ourselves past the man giving the safety instructions in the middle of the plane. What a feeling! We were on our way. Nervous, excited, and anxious we were another step closer to meeting our baby boy. We fastened our seatbelts and settled in for our first of three flights that would bring us to the city of our child’s birth. There was a lot of comfort in having done this already when we adopted Jack. The flight was a quick fifty minutes. As soon as we reached cruising altitude, it was time to get back to our seats and buckle up in preparation for decent into New York City. Once off the plane, we collected our luggage

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from baggage claim. We were traveling with a knapsack filled with our baby’s clothes, toys, pillow, and pictures of his family. We had one large suitcase on wheels, one small suitcase on wheels, and one large cardboard box filled with donations for the orphanage. The donations consisted of children’s clothes and a scanner for a computer. My cousin and her friends at GW made blankets and purchased clothes, bottles, ointments, and other baby items. For that reason, all donations made to the hundreds of orphanages in Russia are generally hand carried and delivered to ensure they reach the appropriate hands. Everything was going on as normal as if Tim and I were not in New York about to leave U.S. soil to land in Russia where we would see our new baby. When I called home I was a bit taken back that no one was worried about us or dying to talk to us. Then again, we had said goodbye to friends and family just two hours ago. I had to call; we wanted desperately to know how Jack was doing. I thought about him constantly. We reentered the restaurant and lunch had arrived. We shared the meals in good fun. There were finally some brief moments where there was no worry. What could we do now if something wasn’t right? We laughed and talked about what lay ahead in the next forty-eight hours. Our layover lasted more than six hours before we were able to board our connecting flight to Moscow. Needless to say, we made friends with all of the waiters and waitresses we encountered. Most of them made us promise to bring the baby by on the way home. Finally, we boarded an overnight flight bound for Russia. After waiting at baggage claim for more than thirty minutes, we realized there was definitely a problem with our luggage. When we finally met Vika, she hugged us and welcomed us back. We were so relieved to see her. After we described our problem she spoke to airport officials who told us that our luggage was in Finland, but should be returned later in the week. We left the airport for the hotel frantically going over in our minds exactly what we had packed in the missing bags. Thankfully, I had put the baby’s things in a knapsack that I kept on my back as a carry-on the entire trip. We still had all of our money and legal documents secured to our bodies. We didn’t have any clothes or toiletries. Those bags had been checked. We were driven to our hotel, The Grand Kempinski Europa. What a place. Again, St. Petersburg shocked us with its breathtaking beauty and character. We got out of Viktor’s car and Vika escorted us to the front desk. We passed BMW and Mercedes limousines with ID tags on them that read, The Grand Kempinski Europa. We were greeted by bellmen and passed through a metal detector. The floors and stairs were made of white marble. Chopin Jewelry was sold in a shop just to the right of the main of lobby. We checked in and told the front desk clerks about our luggage situation. Julia told us that she would send the necessities up to our room as

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soon as possible. The front desk attendants were more than helpful in supplying us with extra toiletries and linen service. We parted with Vika who gave us her cell phone number before she left in case we needed her. She explained that Viktor would be contacting us shortly to tell us what time he would meet us to bring us to the orphanage. We unpacked the little that we had and went to bed, eager to meet this little boy whose sweet face we had already seen in a photo. Adopted children may grieve their loss when they come home because they are emotionally attached to their Russian caregivers. This is a very painful but normal part of parenting your child. It is because of the love they were extended and felt toward their caretakers while in the orphanage. There may be some emotional issues that may need to be addressed before your child can trust and ultimately form healthy attachments to his new family. There are likely to be some emotional issues that are directly related to an adoption. The adoption constellation is made up of the three most effected people in any adoption. The adoptee, the birthparents and the adopting parents make up this triangle. All three of these key players will likely experience a real sense of loss and will need to grieve that loss. It is important to realize that even in the absence of the obvious outward signs of grief, people are still mourning. Different people grieve in different ways. The birthparents and likely their immediate family will grieve the loss of the child that they will not have in their lives, the adoptee will mourn the loss of the birth family and will also grieve the loss of caretakers, language and culture if it is an international adoption. The adopting parents will grieve the loss of the idea of not having a biological child. There is little recognition given to the loss mentioned above. Society is generally more focused on the actual adoption being completed and meeting the new child and bonding with them. There is some support for the birth parent in this country, but less in a country like Russia. There is little thought given to a child’s grief making it critical for the adoptive parents to detect signs of grief in your child. Your child may exhibit signs of his/her grief through anger or hyper outbursts. They may irrationally fear being alone, and very likely will blame themselves for not being “good enough” to stay in their birth family. He or she may spend a lot of time contemplating their identity. They may obsess with examining themselves and feel a great sense of rejection. The stages of grief as noted by psychologist, Elisabeth Kubler-Ross are: • • • • •

Denial (this isn’t happening to me!) Anger (why is this happening to me?) Bargaining (I promise I’ll be a better person if …) Depression (I don’t care anymore) Acceptance (I’m ready for whatever comes)

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When seeking out professional help for your child or for you it will be a good idea to look for counselor or therapist in your area that has worked with adopted children and grief and attachment issues. You can get advice from your pediatrician or call your local hospital for a list of people in your area. The exposure age of your child will differ from their chronological age. You will notice that the developmental maturity of your child is directly related to the age at which they were exposed to the world. My son was still putting things in his mouth when he was three years old. Because he was two at the time of adoption, his exposure age at three was actually one year. Below is some information about growth and development of adopted children gathered by The University of Minnesota for a research project. This page is located at http://www.med.umn.edu//peds/iac/clinic/eustudy/ eupreliminary/home.html and was last modified on March 6, 2008. We know that the brain is the most immature of all organs at the time of birth and that it continues to develop throughout childhood and into young adulthood. Brain development is certainly impacted by positive and/or negative environmental influences. Lack of proper nutrition, lack of direct interaction with a primary caregiver, and lack of stimulation and love are of great concern in orphanages. When we brought Jack home at the age of fourteen months, he weighed only fifteen pounds. His measurements did not even register on the growth charts at our pediatrician’s office. We do not yet have an answer to our question: Will he ever actually reach his full physical growth potential? Our pediatrician told us that he may reach it by growing at a slower rate over a longer period of time or that he may not reach his full potential because his cells are actually smaller than they should be as a result of poor nutrition. He has evidenced some catch up growth over the first few years with us. He still is a very slim, agile little boy who, when he stands on my scale to get a reading on his body fat, gets the word error displayed on the screen. Lack of prenatal care and proper maternal nutrition, along with substandard living conditions, are considered risk factors for giving birth to premature or low birth weight babies. Children in orphanages who are slight and malnourished at first glimpse may be seen as weak, underprivileged beings without a good prognosis for the future. On the outside, they look sickly, but, in fact, they fought the odds and are real survivors. Although many prospective parents may be wary of adopting a child who has lived in an orphanage, you must consider their full potential. These children have lived in an adverse environment for the first months or years of their young lives. Eastern European Growth Project PRELIMINARY RESULTS: Neuroendocrine Functions in Post-institutionalized Children Internationally adopted (IA) children from Eastern Europe, ages 6 to 48 months were recruited from the International Adoption Clinics at the University of Minnesota (Continued)

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and Inova Fairfax Hospital for Children in Fairfax, Virginia, within three weeks of their arrival in the United States. The children were followed again at 6 months postadoption. Risk factors predicting STUNTED PHYSICAL GROWTH in international adoptees (as of December 2005) Through the willing participation and remarkable cooperation of adoptive families, we have already moved closer to understanding what factors may have a negative impact on physical growth. Thus far, the information we have gathered supports the existence of several relationships: • If the child has a history of severe deprivation, it is more likely that they will be of shorter stature at the time of arrival. • If the child is an older age at adoption, it is more likely that they will be of shorter stature at the time of arrival. • If the child has a history of prenatal alcohol exposure, it is more likely that they will be of lower weight at the time of arrival. • If the child has a history of prenatal alcohol exposure, it is more likely that they will have a smaller head circumference at the time of arrival. Interestingly, we have not found a single risk factor that is able to predict growth stunting in all three growth measures (height/length, weight, and head circumference); also, failure in one area of growth (i.e.: height) can be predicted by more than one risk factor. These findings further stress the importance of considering and investigating a large variety of risk factors as we attempt to understand growth failure in this population. DETERMINANTS OF CATCH-UP GROWTH in children following international adoption. Once removed from a high-risk environment, a child whose growth has been stunted will commonly exhibit an accelerated rate of growth (i.e., catch-up growth) in order to return to a non-stunted growth status. For most IA children, adoption is a dramatic and positive change in environment, and as a result, they demonstrated excellent catch-up growth. Our results support this observation; height, weight, head circumference, IGF-1 and IGFBP-3 all increased significantly between the initial post-adoption assessment and the six-month follow-up assessment. The analysis of data for the first 36 children has indicated these factors, which are associated with a greater linear (height) growth: • Female sex seems to predict better linear growth. • Severity of growth stunting at the initial assessment seems to predict better linear growth. • An increase in IGFBP-3 between the initial and follow-up visit is associated with better linear growth. • Changes in IFG-1 levels and weight are not significant predictors of linear growth. Why girls did better than boys, and the role of IGFBP-3 both remain to be studied.

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Children coming to adoptive families from an orphanage are likely to have some emotional wounds stemming from their early experiences and from leaving the orphanage to come to their family. It may feel as though the adoptee is testing you constantly in an effort to verify whether or not you will love them unconditionally. When tested, attachment parenting methods have worked well for us. Just when I am ready to give my son a time out, I force myself to get creative with a “punishment” that fits the offense. Even though I often need a time out to catch my breath, I will instead stick by his side while he completes a chore. For example, if he deliberately shakes a box of Cheez-Its all over the floor because I have told him it’s too close to dinnertime for a snack, I would get the broom and dustpan out, maybe even the mop, and he and I would clean the floor together. At some point while you are cleaning the floor (if the child is calm) you can talk about the behaviors presented. “I hate parties. I don’t want anyone to come over here.” Is it that he does not want to share us or his toys with anyone else? It is more likely that Charlie knows himself well enough to know that he does not feel comfortable with crowds of people; he does not tolerate a lot of noise and unstructured days. He knows he becomes overstimulated and he cannot handle himself. Charlie, like many adopted children are not able to soothe themselves in an appropriate manner. His method of countering the overload is to scream, push someone, or act out in some other negative way. The best projects for kids with sensory deprivation are those that involve pushing, pulling, or any activity that will serve as a healthy outlet for the child. It is our job as adoptive parents to read our children’s behaviors and learn what motivates them. We have learned that adopted children are not very trusting. They have lived a life of uncertainty; their innate needs have not been met. Orphaned children do not know if they are going to get enough food for the day, if they are going to be uncomfortable because no one changes their soiled linens, or if anyone will hold them on any given day. How do they soothe themselves in such dire circumstances? They most typically have taught themselves to feed their sense of uncertainty with an element of control. For our son, he made great attempts to keep my attention by incessant chattering. He has exhibited less of this behavior recently, but he still needs the constant reminder that we are there for him. Recently, I had the boys out at a grocery store. I had just turned the corner to look at something on the end cap, and was just out of the children’s view. When Charlie turned and did not see me right away, he became hysterical. I immediately popped my head around the corner and saw that he was wildly angry. He charged at me, hitting me and screaming that I had left him. I was shocked that his feelings of insecurity were still so raw. Many people who do not have experience with adopted children may have expectations and even impressions of your child that may not be appropriate. It is the job of the parents to serve as the child’s advocate. It truly comes down to one point: How can we as adoptive parents honor our

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child’s past and the issues that accompany their history while steering them toward more emotionally and socially age-appropriate behaviors? Another significant issue for adopted children is their sense of identity. I think it is perhaps the most challenging issue, because in most cases there is very little information on your child’s birth family. It then becomes our job as their parents to educate them about their heritage, culture, and traditions. We have begun Russian lessons for our children as a means of providing a sense of connectedness to Russia. Both of my boys are enjoying the challenge of learning the language and its complex sounds. In between their weekly lessons, the boys are enjoying watching their favorite Pixar movies in Russian. Celebrate your adoption anniversary. It is the birthday of your family. Every year we celebrate our adoption anniversaries with the boys picking out what they would like to do. We have gone bowling, out to the restaurant of their choice, and mini-golfing. We also have annual adoption reunions with the families that we met while we were in Russia adopting our children. This is a very special event for the families. The kids really enjoy seeing one another and the adults have remained close. We value our connection to these families and believe that it is helpful for our children to maintain those special relationships from so early in their lives. Like Jack, we wanted our new son to have a family name as well. We had chosen Charles before we knew his Russian name. Our intention was to name him Charles, call him Charlie, and use his given name as his middle name. Once we were in Russia, Viktor told us our son’s name was Vitalij, phonetically pronounced Vitalie. We thought it was so sweet that his name actually rhymed with Charlie. And his given middle name is Sergeevich, just the same as Jack’s, which translates to “relative of Sergei.” What a perfect name for our son, we thought. During the summer months, the children who reside in Baby House #6 travel about fifty miles outside of the city to a summer house located at the Bay of Finland. Because St. Petersburg was actually built on a swamp, the mosquitoes are a major problem for all who live there. The orphanage was so poor that there were no screens on the old windows, leaving the caretakers the option to wrap both boy and girl children in tights or to just not open the windows. Viktor picked us up and we traveled out to the summer orphanage. We were very excited and nervous to meet our son. He was almost two years old, ten months older than Jack had been at the time we brought him home. I had heard a lot about toddler adoption and wondered what differences may be present with Vitalij. The long hot ride was spent catching up with our friend. Like our last time here, he always made a great effort to really explain Russian culture and landscape to us while we were with him. He appreciated that we wanted to learn as much as we could in our short time there so that we

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could share stories with our children later. I remember an awkward conversation in the car between my husband, Viktor, and me. Tim somehow knew that Viktor had been in the military and asked what his role had been. There was a long and bizarre silence between friends before he answered. He said that he was trained to sink American vessels. His nervous laugh and unease in telling us was so powerful. Nobody knew what to say. We drove and drove. Time was exaggerated. Not knowing when we were getting close to the orphanage made it hard. We drove by some hillsides. Viktor told us to look out our windows. The hilly terrain was full of scattered makeshift headstones. Viktor explained that there is no room for people to be buried in St. Petersburg, and in fact, many people find it very selfish when a loved one desires to be buried in the ground rather than cremated. We had missed Viktor and he seemed very glad to have us back to adopt our second child. He had become a friend to us; one with whom we would hang out with a lot if he lived in the U.S. He was a very smart man who was also fun to be around and very trustworthy. We both wondered how old he was. I dared Tim to ask him. “Guess,” was all Viktor said. I guessed early forties and Tim said he thought he was in his late thirties. I hoped I hadn’t offended him, but he seemed very accomplished to be in his early thirties. He told us he had just celebrated his thirtieth birthday. He was younger than we were! We had brought gifts for his daughter who was almost three years old. Viktor gave us some more information about our new son. He told us that the summer house where we were headed to was also where Jack had spent his summer months before being adopted. Our conversation continued with information Viktor could recall from reading the records of our new son. Everything he told us made the baby so much more real. It was on paper now and we could see it. Even though we couldn’t recognize many of the words in Russian, the numbers were there. We saw how many kilograms he weighed at birth and at his most recent medical exam. Viktor told us about his temperament and what his daily schedule consisted of. We pulled down an unpaved muddy road. The cluster of six houses began about fifty feet back. We drove to a driveway protected by an old, gaping chain-link fence. There was an old man shoveling dirt into an old pram with a missing wheel. His job struck me as so difficult; he didn’t have the right tools, didn’t even have a wheelbarrow, and there were random piles of dirt and debris everywhere. I wondered how he even knew where to begin with the project. All the while, he still had the enthusiasm to break from his work long enough to welcome us inside the makeshift gate. The summer orphanage was made up of many individual houses all painted bright blue. The grass was very tall, taller than many of the

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children, I suspected. There were small tables and chairs gated by small fences only two feet tall. We felt like Alice in Wonderland. Our first stop was to drop off our donations. We had the toys and clothes our friends and family had donated in Jack’s name at his birthday party. The first orphanage staff member we encountered, a nurse, motioned for us to bring the three suitcases and one large cardboard box into the office and empty them out. She pointed to a couch and chair. We took that to mean that we were supposed to leave our donations there. Then she left. She never said thank you or even smiled at us. Not that she had to, but she didn’t seem at all grateful that we had brought so much with us. We unloaded our suitcases in the office of the orphanage director, who was not there. I tried to make the piles of clothes neat, but I was so excited to see our son that all we could do was empty the suitcases, shove them inside each other, and then scurry toward the house the baby was in. Viktor brought us to the baby’s house. He told the nurse that we were here to meet Vitalij. The head nurse informed him that he was napping and that we would have to wait outside. It seemed as though they were always napping! We waited for nearly an hour. We were within feet of him, on his property, looking at the house and play yard he was so used to. We had come this far, yet again and we were held up. We had to oblige, he was not our son yet. Exhausted from trying to tame our nerves, Tim and I decided to take a walk around the property. In the backyard of the house where our son lived was a beautiful playground. It was colorful and clean. There were plastic slides, balls, climbing toys, and picnic tables. I wondered how often he got to play here as Tim took video of the yard. “Alisa, Tim, your baby,” Viktor yelled from the front of the house. Stumbling over the roots in the ground we made our way to him. There he was. Oh my God! He was plump! He was wearing an infant bonnet and was way overdressed for July! His nurse was holding him. She turned him to us and he let out a huge scream. He was hysterical! Willfully, I motioned for her to hand him to me. She was reluctant and I tried to appreciate that in her. I knew he was scared, but I wanted to hold him, to be given the chance to comfort him in my arms. It was then that we realized how strong he was. I was shocked at his strength and his conviction. He did not want me to hold him and fought me every step of the way. Both Tim and I made fools of ourselves as we tried to entertain him to no avail. He was a beautiful little boy; he did not at all feel like a baby! I was surprised at his weight and the maturity of his face and his expressions. He was dressed in a worn grayish long-sleeved undershirt with an electric blue and red sweater that was put on backwards. It was one of those sweaters that actually squeaked when you touched the material. The Old Navy

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overalls came to his knees. I wasn’t sure if they were shorts or pants. Underneath the tight jean overalls he wore gray cable-knit tights that we would see a little girl wearing during the winter months. His feet were protected by pink buckle shoes. After a few minutes, he was unable to calm himself down. I could feel people looking at us, but I wasn’t sure what to do. We didn’t want to hand him back even though that’s what he wanted. Viktor finally came over and in a voice loud enough to be heard told us to take him away from the house where he couldn’t see his friends, his family. Luckily, we had spotted an outside play house earlier while we were on a walk. We took him there. A nurse handed Tim a banana. Once inside the play area, Tim fed him the banana. He loved it, but continued to wail through each bite, not minding the coating from his running nose all over us and the banana. I handed the baby to Tim. His fair skin was red and blotchy from crying. I took off the bonnet and saw his white hair; hair so white it was almost transparent. He was absolutely adorable! He had a buzz cut. I knew it was to keep the children clean, but it was so sweet and innocent looking. From that moment on, we called him our polar bear cub. He was covered in scabs from scratching mosquito bites. We learned the reason he was wearing tights underneath his overalls was to help protect him from more bites. I cringed as I noticed how dirty his fingernails were. They were long and housed dirt and dried blood from scratching his bites. He eventually did calm down but not enough to ever smile at us. We resigned ourselves to being content with just having him with us. Viktor told us that we could take Vitalij to the end of the road where the beach was. We were thrilled to have that trust and to have a chance to walk with our son to see the ocean. Tim told the baby about his big brother waiting for him back in the United States. We talked to him about all the fun things he was going to do in his life with us. Understanding only Russian, he listened. Our tone must have been soothing. Our baby was able to calm down once he could no longer see his friends and his much preferred caretakers. We could not get him to look either of us in the eye. Every time I would get close to his face, he would shut his eyes as if it made us go away. We took a lot of pictures and told him about the ocean. It was an amazing feeling to be holding our young son and looking across the ocean. We pointed in the direction of America. It felt like just yesterday I would stare out across the ocean from the U.S. wondering about my baby in Russia. Now, I was wondering about that same baby who was home in the U.S. waiting for us to come from Russia with his new brother. Other people sunbathing on the beach smiled at us. We were sure they knew why we were there. The baby fell asleep on Tim and we carried him back to the orphanage. On the walk back, we realized that we hadn’t set

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him down since we had met him. We laughed at the thought of not knowing if he could even walk. How could we not know this about him yet? Once back, Viktor read us the medical records for Vitalij. Again, we were impressed with how thorough they were. As he was reading, I stopped him. “Viktor, read that sentence again.” He again read the date that the child entered the orphanage. We couldn’t believe it. He had actually been there when we were in Baby House #6 for Jack’s adoption. We very well may have seen him when we were in Jack’s old bedroom filled with all of those children. It was sickening to think that while we were home with Jack, Vitalij was in the orphanage and might easily have gone to the home of another family. Instead, he waited for a year and a half in his little crib waiting for us to come back for him. Because of the long drive to the summer house from St. Petersburg, the poor road conditions, and intense traffic, we decided to stay at a hotel near our new son. The hotel did not promote itself with advertisements, and not one worker could speak any English, while our Russian was still quite limited. We went to the hotel restaurant that evening. They were very nice to us. As the waitress brought over our menus, in Russian, another changed the radio station. They were laughing as the beginning of Bruce Springsteen’s Born in the U.S.A. blared over our heads. We laughed with them. It was an obvious effort to make us feel comfortable and it worked. The entire menu was written in Russian. We had no idea how to order. So, for a chicken plate, I flapped my arms like a little kid doing the chicken dance at a wedding while Tim put his arms together and moved them back and forth to simulate a fish swimming. We all laughed and the waitress nodded that she understood. No one knew if we really understood one another until the dinners came out—one chicken and the other one fish. We continued to visit with Vitalij for two more days. Each day, we were greeted with the sounds of small children playing. A group of boys were playing with cap guns laughing hysterically each time their nurse pretended to be scared from its sound. Another nurse was braiding a little girl’s hair. Kids rode rusted bikes with wheels scraping their thinned rubber lining on the metal casing. Nurses pushed carriages overloaded with children who sat on one another through what they called the forest. It was a sweet place. No one except for us seemed to notice that they didn’t have anything materialistic. What I learned though, was that they didn’t want what they didn’t know. They were classified as orphans, but they had “mothers.” Each child was unconditionally loved and taken care of. We got Vitalij to laugh by hiding behind a lace curtain in the doorway from the playroom to the outside of the front of his house. The light wind was blowing the curtain in my face and my reaction was amusing him. It felt so good.

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It seemed as though things were more relaxed at the summer house. Maybe it was because they felt as if they knew us, or that Viktor trusted us. Whatever the reason, the atmosphere was comforting while it provided us with some time alone with our baby. We wanted to get to know him in just the few days that we were with him. He was clearly more comfortable with us when there were no other familiar faces for him around to see. Tim was holding Vitalij and sitting in the screened-in area attached to the front of the house when he realized the baby needed to be changed. We went inside to find a nurse but no one was around. I knew where she had taken him earlier, so we headed for that room. The entrance to the room was shielded with a long drawn curtain. Feeling a little awkward, we kept calling to anyone who may be around. We were unsure of what their reaction would be of our being there, if we were even allowed to go this far into the house itself. I opened the curtain and Tim followed. Everything for the children was in this room. And, everything was numbered. There was a wall of cubbies, like the ones you’d see in a kindergarten classroom. Each box in the wall had a numbered potty seat in it, one through thirteen. There was a netted holder on the wall with thirteen numbered toothbrushes in a neat row. There were hooks on the wall holding thirteen jackets and thirteen hats. It wasn’t as if they thought of the children as numbers; it must have been to keep everything organized while attempting to minimize shared illness. I took off his layers of clothing to change his diaper. When I finally got close to his body I saw what looked like another layer of worn material. There was no diaper on him. He was wearing what looked like an old pillowcase wrapped a few times around his belly and through his legs. Tim and I had to leave him the next day to travel home and await the court date. It wasn’t any easier because we had already lived it. Viktor had asked the judge to grant us a court date in the next two weeks so that the baby could be home in time to celebrate his second birthday with his new family. We did, this time, have the benefit of knowing that we were returning in a week to go to court because the summer holiday was coming up for the Russian officials. We granted Viktor power of attorney and he completed the necessary paperwork to expedite our adoption so that the baby could come home with us before their two-month leave began. I know adoptive parents who have brought a disposable camera to the orphanage with them to leave it there with their child’s caretaker. Their nurse actually took pictures of their soon-to-be child while they were back in the United States awaiting a court date to finalize the adoption. For these people, there were more pictures—further documentation of this child’s life before adoption. So, don’t forget your disposable cameras!

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We traveled back to Russia one week later. Much of that week had been spent traveling. We were so happy to be home with Jack and tried our best to prepare him for our leaving again. I think it was much harder on Tim and me to be away from him than it was for him! We went to court the first morning we were back in Russia. We had not seen our new son since we had left him a week before. The nurse who had taken care of Jack was now the orphanage director. As we walked into the courtroom, we were greeted by her. She held up our home study with recent pictures of Jack. She smiled through her tears and bowed with clasped hands as if to thank us for taking such good care of him. I remembered her crying as she said goodbye to Jack and how hard she had kissed his face just before she handed him to me at the front door of the orphanage. It was that same familial quality first felt a year and a half ago today when she waved with excitement at his pictures and at seeing us again. We were the last international couple to adopt a baby in St. Petersburg before the scheduled leave for summer vacation. Like Jack’s adoption hearing, we again decided that I would speak for the child. It began just as it had the last time. The judge asked me how we were certain that we had bonded with this particular child and wanted me to define our love for him with evidence for the court. I was so overcome with emotion and anxiety that I wasn’t sure when I spoke if anything would be heard. Viktor—like any great coach would do—whispered for me to take a deep breath and relax. “You be fine and we be done soon.” The next question sought an explanation for why we hadn’t seen our baby since the last trip. It is expected that prospective parents visit the child again before the actual hearing. We explained, with Viktor’s help, that one week was not a lot of time to book flights, obtain visas, and hotel accommodations to return to Russia. She wasn’t pleased but seemed to accept our response. She asked if we had bonded with our baby. Should I tell her he did look at us once and laughed for a few minutes with the curtain game? I told her that he was becoming more and more comfortable and that we were very much looking forward to the opportunity of strengthening our relationship with him. The questions continued and we both grew a little more relaxed. Tim stood up in the end of the hearing to give his personal information and swear that he agreed with all that I had presented to the court. The judge took her break for about twenty minutes. We sat nervously with Viktor outside the courtroom. I asked him how he felt the hearing went. He told us that it is nothing short of a miracle for a male child approaching his second birthday to be adopted. Court was closing at 3 P.M. and he was pronounced legally our son at 1 P.M. The ten-day waiting period was waived by the judge because we had a child waiting for us at

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home and the Russian two-month vacation was about to begin. We were on our way outside the city to bring Charles Vitalij home! We hadn’t seen our baby since we left him a week earlier. We were very anxious to see if he remembered us and ultimately to see how comfortable he would be with us. He had to remember playing hide and seek and falling asleep on Tim at the beach. We arrived at the orphanage and they had him fed and dressed. I gave his nurse the outfit we had brought for him without making her ask to clothe him for the last time. (The focus shifted from them being the “responsible party” to their acknowledging we were his parents.) She asked me if I had other shoes for him as the sandals we brought were going to expose his feet too much. I told her I did not. She left with the clothes to dress Charlie. We waited. She brought our beautiful son to us. He looked so different in his new white shorts and pale blue shirt. She put his new blue leather sandals on over a pair of socks from the orphanage. They were mustard yellow and green. He knew what was happening before he even saw us. His eyes were tightly shut and he was crying uncontrollably. She was repeating herself in gruff sounding but constant Russian words into his ear. He refused Tim or me when we tried to hold him. He was clutching the apron strings around his nurse’s neck. She was sweating and upset. We all were. Viktor asked her to carry him out to his car where she could then hand him to me. She obliged. He did not stop crying on the walk to the car. She carried him in front of me; I could not bear to walk at her side. I was fighting as hard as I could to keep my composure. Viktor told me to get into the backseat and she would hand the baby to me. As I did, I watched her kissing and hugging him while he tried desperately to hang on to her and was violently swinging his head from side to side trying to stay buried in her shoulder. She was very upset, almost angry. She did manage to release his grip and give him to me. I wanted to thank her. Viktor closed the door and my baby was grabbing the inside of the door to get out. He was rocking back forth and crying hysterically. He was inconsolable for at least twenty minutes. I moved my face out of sight of the rear-view mirror and cried along with my new baby. What have we done to this sweet little boy? Who are we to think we could give him a better life? He loved what he had and we took it away. I felt as though we were kidnapping him; in his mind, we were. I sat in the middle of the backseat with him. I thought it was the safest spot without a car seat. I was grateful for the seatbelt around both of us. He was so out of control at some points that it actually helped me to keep him secured in my arms.

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There were many unanticipated emotions surrounding our taking him from the orphanage. This had been the only home he had ever known. These women loved him and took care of him everyday. I expected to feel like his savior; like I was going to rescue him from a life of hardship. But that wasn’t necessarily true. His room was filled with donated toys, there was a community bathtub, he had food; he was loved. They were going to miss him. They loved him so much that they wanted him to go home with us. I felt very torn and sad. Viktor felt my confusion. He gently reminded me that this was very normal and that I needed to know that this was going to be hard, for all of us. It was what he said next that struck me. He said, “Your new baby will grieve. He has lost everything he knows. He has been forced to give up his family, his language, and his culture to come home to his family. But it won’t last long for him. A week of his pain is worth a lifetime of his happiness.” I wrote this letter to the orphanage caretakers on our first night together: We wanted to take the chance, on behalf of all parents to thank each of you who so lovingly and tirelessly take care of all of the children. We all know that you feed and bathe them, but you also love each of them so much. Our children came home already knowing what love is. They got that from you because you loved them. Please know that every child you took care of will always remember and appreciate who you are in their lives and how hard you worked to keep them safe, fed, clean, and secure, but most of all, for loving them. We are forever grateful for all of the care and comfort you give to every child. The children nor their parents will ever forget you. Thank you so much.

One telling exercise you can do with your adopted child is to present them with a picture of them in their surroundings while they were living in the orphanage. You may see this sickly child who is dressed in drab clothes who just needs you to come along and make everything better for him or her. You may be surprised by what your child sees when looking at the same photo. Here are the comments our children made when they looked at their pictures: I asked Jack, “What do you see when you look at this picture?” “I see Mommy and me. You are happy and I am sad. You are happy because you came to get me. I have tears in my eyes because I feel sad.” I asked what made him feel sad and he said, “Because I did not grow in your belly.”

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Charlie studied this picture for at least a solid minute before he spoke. “I was a little bit happy but I was sad that day.” I asked him why he was a little bit happy and he said, “Because I wanted to leave.” I then asked why were you sad? “Because I did not know you yet.” Were you a little bit scared, too? “Yes.”


CHAPTER 8

Personal Challenges and Joys: John Sergei and Charlie Vitalij

We remained in St. Petersburg for three more days. Charlie gradually began to adjust to us. He liked being taken to places he’d never been before, which was anywhere! Something as little as playing with a block or taking a walk in his stroller was absolutely fascinating to him. We had to be careful to not do too much with him as it was too much stimulation. He loved playing with orange peels leftover from breakfast. He would put the peel in his mouth and make a funny face and laugh. He would then throw the peel away only to pull it out again. He thought it was a riot! We had to keep one trash can clean in the room for his little game. On one of our walks through St. Petersburg, we visited the same Onegin Souvenir Shop we had been to with Jack. I had been looking for Faberge eggs every time we went out, and saw some in the window. The store was filled with wealthy tourists seemingly buying whatever they wanted. The eggs were displayed beautifully in a glass case with the small lights that make all of them glow so elegantly. A young man quickly came over to help us. He spoke very good English with the familiar Russian accent. I looked at the price and was amazed. They were the cheapest we’d seen and they looked to be of the best quality. The clerk told me that the price was in euros, not rubles. I understood and began picking out the eggs I wanted. I chose one for my mother and my mother-in-law, one for each of my sisters and my husband chose one for his, some for my close friends, and one for me. Again, the clerk reminded me that the price was in euros. He must think we don’t have any money, I thought as we made our way to the checkout counter with thirteen eggs. He rang them up. After he calculated the exchange, he politely said, “Three thousand four-hundred dollars, please,” was all he said with his accent and sweet face. I couldn’t believe it! There was no way I could afford them! We had just wasted forty-five minutes of this guy’s time. The

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crowded shop felt even smaller and busier. I had to tell him that I did not calculate the price correctly even though he had tried to tell me twice. He cancelled the order. Embarrassed and apologetic we made our way past the people who were sampling the vodka on a red crushed velvet couch in the sitting area. Once at the door, we saw that a storm had come through. It was pouring rain, with thunder and lightening. There was no way we could take our baby out in that weather! The alternative was a horrible thought, too. We had to sit amongst these wealthy travelers who had just witnessed my stupidity until the storm passed. Of course, it was no small storm. As the minutes passed, I felt more and more foolish. Finally, I turned to my husband; I didn’t have to say anything. He got up and told the man that we would take the blue one that I had picked out for myself. As if it were a consolation for wasting his time, I got a gorgeous egg for four hundred dollars! The next day Viktor notified us that we had been cleared to leave St. Petersburg and fly to Moscow. There, we would have a final medical exam conducted to satisfy the requirements for obtaining a U.S. visa for Charlie and obtain permission from the Russian Embassy to leave the country with our son. We stayed at the Renaissance Hotel in Moscow. Tim, Charlie, and I had all shared a bed in each room we were in even though there was a crib at every stop. We wanted our baby to be comfortable around us as soon as possible. I was the first to wake. I panicked as soon as I got my bearings. Where’s my baby?! I was so startled that adrenaline shot through my body tingling my underarms. There he was. His body was lining the side of Tim’s with his head nestled under his arm. Tim’s long arm was draped over his baby’s other side. I couldn’t believe it! This was the closest he’d ever been to his daddy! And, it was by his own initiation. We ate breakfast at one of the many restaurants in the luxurious hotel. I walked up to the buffet to order some pancakes for Charlie. I grabbed a banana on the way back to the table; I knew he would enjoy that. He caught sight of me away from the table and screamed when he realized I wasn’t sitting next to him. Charlie was starting to attach to us and it felt so good, so reassuring. Later that day, Viktor came to take the three of us to Red Square for our first adventure together. We spent a few hours walking around with the baby in the stroller and taking pictures. We went into a few shops where some of the shoes were priced at over one thousand dollars! It was fascinating to watch Charlie as we drove back to the hotel. His little head and eyes were so intent on focusing on all that was going by our passing car. It was truly amazing to think that these were his first days in a car and in public with so many other people and things to see. Viktor took us back to the Renaissance Hotel to go over our paperwork for the last time. He wanted to be perfectly sure that we understood all of


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the steps we would be going through at the airport with our visas, Charlie’s paperwork, and customs. He was flying back to St. Petersburg that evening so that he could be home for his daughter’s birthday. It was time to say goodbye to our friend again. How could we possibly thank him enough? He brought us to both of our children. He was with us as we cried at the moments we met both of our sons for the very first time. It was because of him that Charlie had become our son. Viktor was the one who comforted us when Charlie so desperately wanted to be back at his home, the orphanage. He laughed with us as he told us stories of his wife, his daughter, and their dog. We invited him to our home if he ever decided to travel to the United States. He said he would love to come to the U.S., but said that there would be no way that he or anyone in his family would be granted a visa to enter the U.S. I felt so honored that we had made such a good friend across the world. Very likely, we may never see him again. He took Charlie’s baby cheeks into his thick Russian hands and gently pulled the baby’s face toward his own. He spoke to our son in Russian. Only he and Charlie understood. Then he turned to us, “Good luck with your family; he is a very good boy.” We just smiled through our emotions not really knowing what to say, finding it difficult to find words powerful enough to express our deep appreciation of him. Then, Viktor walked over to me and hugged me. He loaded into the waiting car and waved through the window. That was our last night in Moscow. The next morning, we were scheduled to leave Russia bound for Frankfurt, Germany and eventually on to Boston. We were very excited to go home with our new son. It was as if we were kids again ourselves—we got into bed early so that the next day would come sooner. As we were dressing Charlie in his jammies we heard loud noises coming from outside our hotel window. Tim looked out the huge window only to see that a beautiful display of fireworks was going on. “What a perfect send-off for you, Charlie,” was all I heard him whisper into his baby’s ear, who was perched on his father’s bent knee to watch the show. I now believe the statement I heard from another adoptive mother. She told me that we go through labor just as any mother giving birth to her child. She said that it was the flight home that was her labor of love. Our flights were horrific! We flew from Moscow to Germany and then were scheduled to fly on to Boston. Charlie screamed uncontrollably the entire way from Moscow to Frankfurt! The people in the row in front of us asked for earplugs and even asked to have their seats moved. At one point, I had Charlie on the floor of the airplane kicking and screaming. As I bent down to pick him up, the woman in front of me pushed her seat back to hit me in the head with it. Another man started yelling at us in German and all I heard Tim yell back was, “Does it look like we’re enjoying this?!”

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Once we made it to Germany, we felt relieved. We could let Charlie wobble around the airport and get him something to eat. A few hours later, it was time to board the plane headed to Boston. We were so excited to be on the very last leg of our journey, but so nervous to see how Charlie was going to behave. We were totally at his mercy. We laughed when I whispered in Tim’s ear, “You do realize, he owns us.” As impossible as it seemed, he began screaming and carrying on again. We were truly amazed at the energy he had to do this. This plane was much larger, which seemed to help a bit. After over an hour of hysterics, a gentleman behind us offered us some Benadryl, which he had given to his children. He said he was a doctor—he looked the part, sitting with his attractive wife and three well behaved small children. Hand it over, buddy. We didn’t hesitate for long. He warned that there was a chance that it could have the opposite effect of what we were hoping for. We were desperate, and thought nothing could be worse. Of course, the Benadryl made him even more angry, and uncontrollable. He fought us for more than nine hours in flight before he finally fell asleep on me. I was so exhausted and badly needed to use the bathroom. There was no way I could get up because if I disturbed him someone may have punched me out on the way to the ladies’ room! The flight finally landed. All of the passengers were very generous in letting us get off the airplane. I am sure they all hoped they’d never see us again! Tim and I thought it would be funny to hear what they all said about us once we had gone. Oh well. We were so excited to be in the U.S. We knew our Jack was at the airport and that as soon as we got our luggage and went thorough customs we would be able to hold him and he could greet his baby brother. We handed the boarder patrol all of our documents we had carried with us from Moscow. He wasn’t a very friendly man. We had to wait about twenty minutes for everything to be processed for Charlie’s U.S. Citizenship. He then told us we were all set to pass through the double doors in front of us. Our wait at the customs counter made us the last passengers to leave from that flight. I opened the doors and there they were. Little Jack came running from behind a roped off area at us! We all stopped and held one another. For the very first time, we were all together as a family. Jack was so sweet to Charlie. He kept saying, “Hi Charlie, how are you? I am Jack, your brother,” as he rubbed his back. I had been worried about Jack’s reaction to seeing us holding Charlie and the trip home had been a nightmare. Now, none of that mattered; it was all worth it, every bit of it. Charlie was two weeks shy of his second birthday on adoption day. Charlie’s departure from the orphanage was very different from his brother’s experience. Charlie was far more attached to his life in Russia than Jack had been. Charlie, ten months older than his brother at the time of his adoption, was not ready to leave. In fact, he loved his family and


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understood his native Russian language and culture far more than Jack had. Charlie came home a small child; a child with his own mind and his own ideas. I literally held him for the first three months of his being home. I could rarely answer the phone, take a shower, or run to the mailbox without him crying for me. Everyone told us it was a good thing. They said that it meant that he was attaching to me. There were many times when we thought we were not giving Jack enough attention because Charlie was so demanding of it. We made special times for Jack. When Charlie was asleep Tim would get Jack from the bed in the room they share to watch a few innings of the Red Sox with us. It could be any activity, and Jack was appreciative of his time with us. Avoid overstimulation for your newly adopted child. You will want to keep as much structure in their schedule and remember that daily needs may be very different from that of another child their same age. Remember the exposure age of your child when you are envisioning your expectations of them. Try to stay home with your child for as long as possible and keep visitors to a minimum. You should avoid large groups of people or chaotic surroundings such as amusement parks, loud restaurants, etc. Remember it is likely your child has only just been on a car ride for the very first time when you adopted them. Recently adopted children may exhibit signs of being overstimulated by becoming irritable, throwing temper tantrums, impulsively hitting someone, or by becoming distracted or disconnected. When you see this in your child, quickly remove them from the stimulus and take them with you to a quiet place. Often times, I take my son Charlie with me to check on the food in the oven or to get something out of his room. I just go there with him and hold him without saying much of anything other than something like, “oh, I needed a break, thanks for coming with me.” Below is an article by Gina Kemp, MS, Jaelline Jaffe, PdD, and Jeanne Segal, PhD; Sheila Hutman contributed to this article. Attachment Disorders INSECURE ATTACHMENT AND REACTIVE ATTACHMENT DISORDER (RAD) Confusing, frightening and isolating emotional experiences early in life create insecure attachment and can result in severe attachment disorders. Attachment disorders can limit a child’s ability to be emotionally present, flexible and able to communicate in ways that build satisfying and meaningful relationships. What kinds of experiences create insecure attachments? What kinds of experiences bring about healing change? Learn about the symptoms, causes and repair of attachment disorders and reactive attachment disorder.

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Insecure attachment and attachment disorders If secure attachment doesn’t occur with sufficient regularity in infancy and early childhood (about one third of the time), a child won’t have the experiences they need to grow up feeling confidence in themselves and trust in others. Instead, insecure attachments will form that may lead to attachment disorders. These disorders may be reflected in learning problems, social problems, mental problems and failed personal and interpersonal relationships. The purpose of labeling a parent child relationship “insecure” is not to blame parents who love and intend the best for their children, but may be products themselves of insecure attachment, trauma or depression. Separation can also be a factor that contributes to insecure attachment. Insecure attachment and the developmental disruptions they can cause are often passed from one generation to the next unless steps are taken to repair what has been damaged. Avoidant attachment When a parent is emotionally unavailable or rejecting, a child may become “avoidantly” attached, meaning that the child adapts by avoiding closeness and emotional connection. This child may appear to be very independent but their self reliance is a cover for insecurity. Ambivalent attachment An “ambivalently” attached child experiences the parents’ communication as inconsistent and at times intrusive. Because the child can’t depend on the parent for attunement and connection, he develops a sense of anxiety and feelings of insecurity. Disorganized attachment When the child’s need for emotional closeness remains unseen or ignored, the parents behavior is a source of disorientation or terror. When children have experiences with parents that leave them overwhelmed, traumatized, and frightened, they become disorganized and chaotic. Causes of Attachment Disorders Socioeconomic status has nothing to do with the ability to establish successful attachment relationships. Children who have had a succession of nannies, or orphaned children who spend their early years in orphanages or move from foster home to foster home, are at risk for severe attachment disruption. It also can occur as a result of severe illness in the parent or the child, parental unavailability, or emotional trauma. Some children have inborn disabilities or temperaments that make it difficult for them to form a secure attachment, no matter how hard the parent tries. In any


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case, there generally are several factors involved. The major causes of attachment disorders are: • • • • • • • •

neglect, including emotional neglect abuse, physical or sexual separation from primary caregiver changes in primary caregiver traumatic experiences such as death of a parent or disaster maternal depression maternal use of drugs or alcohol undiagnosed, isolating painful illness such as colic or ear infections

Signs and symptoms of attachment disorders Insecure attachments influence the developing brain, which in turn affects future interactions with others, self-esteem, self-control, and the ability to learn and to achieve optimum mental and physical health. Because attachment affects all aspects of development, symptoms of insecure attachment may mirror—and be partly responsible for—common developmental problems including ADHD and spectrum autism.

SYMPTOMS OF INSECURE ATTACHMENT • Emotional Problems

• Physical problems • Social Problems

• Learning problems

low self-esteem; needy, clingy or pseudo-independent behavior; inability to deal with stress and adversity; depression; apathy susceptibility to chronic illness; obsession with food - hordes, gorges, refuses to eat, eats strange things, hides food lack of self-control; inability to develop and maintain friendships; alienation from parents, caregivers, and other authority figures; aggression and violence; difficulty with genuine trust, intimacy, and affection; lack of empathy, compassion and remorse; negative, hopeless, pessimistic view of self, family and society behavioral problems at school; speech and language problems; incessant chatter and questions; difficulty learning

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/parenting_bonding_reactive_attachment_ disorder.htm#reactive Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) is a clinically recognized form of severe insecure attachment. Children with RAD are so neurologically disrupted that they cannot attach to a primary caregiver or go through the normal developmental processes. These children cannot establish positive relationships with other people. Many of these children may have been incorrectly diagnosed as having severe emotional and behavioral disturbances ranging from bipolar disorder to depression. In response to these

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diagnoses, they may have received various combinations of unnecessary psychotropic mediation. Reactive attachment disorder (RAD) can be especially challenging for parents, because children with RAD may have no interest in pleasing their parents—they do not reward parents with the cues of pleasure, appreciation and affection that motivate parental investment in children. In fact, a complete stranger may elicit the exact same response from a child with RAD as does a loving and protecting parent. Families who have children with Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) will benefit from treatment and therapeutic parenting. In time and with patience, even severe attachment disorders can be repaired. Repairing attachment disorders How is inadequate attachment repaired? Recent studies show that it’s never too late to create positive change in a child’s life, or in an adult’s, for that matter. The learning that accompanies new experiences can alter neural connections in the brain. Relationships with relatives, teachers and childcare providers can supply an important source of connection and strength for the child’s developing mind. In attempts to repair attachment, here are some things to consider: Attachment is an interactive process It is an evolutionary fact that our brains are structured to connect to one another. The attachment process alters the brains of both parent and child. But what makes attachment so unique is that the stronger, older, more experienced parent attunes and follows the lead of the younger, less experienced, more vulnerable child. However, following an infant’s lead does not mean that that the infant makes all the decisions. It does mean that the caretaker follows and responds to the infant’s emotional needs and defers to the infants emotional needs when appropriate. Attachment is a nonverbal process Attachment takes place many months and even years before speech and thought develop. Communication is accomplished through wordless means that rely on several things to convey interest, understanding and caring: • Visual – eye contact; facial expression; posture; gestures; body movement • Auditory – tone of voice; speech rhythm and rate; timing, intensity and voice modulation

Children vary in what they find soothing There is no “one size fits all” for every child. In determining what constitutes “just right” communication for a particular child, it will be up to


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the adult to follow the nonverbal cues of that child. What soothes a parent may not soothe an infant. Thus, parents may have to explore the best techniques for soothing their child and themselves in order to make connection with the child. Attachment can’t begin until both parties feel safe in their bodies and safe with one another Attachment is akin to falling in love, but unless both adult and child feel completely safe, it will not be successful. When adults are anxious, mad, tuned out or overwhelmed, they will not be able to make an attuned connection with a child. If a child is overwhelmed or inconsolable, he may not be available for an attuned emotional connection. Sensory activities such as rocking, singing, moving, touching, and feeding can sooth children, but remember that youngsters vary in their sensory preferences. Shared emotional experiences should be truly shared The key to shared emotional experience with your child is to feel the experience to some degree in your own body. This process of shared experience helps both infants and children regulate their feeling states. It is usually more important to share a negative state with a child than to problem solve. Sharing enables children to learn to problem solve for themselves. Positive emotional experiences are as important to share as negative The shared positive emotional experiences of joy are as important to the attachment bond as the shared negative emotional experiences of fear, sadness, anger and shame. Some parents are very good at detecting a child’s distress and responding appropriately to it. Other parents share joyous moments but leave or space out in times of trouble and unhappiness. A strong attachment bond includes the full range of shared emotional experience—including joy. Conflict and repair is a crucial part of secure attachment No matter how much we love our children, there comes a point where we are not in agreement with them, a point when we have to set limits, and say “no.” This conflict temporally ruptures the relationship as the child angrily protests. Such protest is to be expected. The key to strengthening the attachment bond of trust is to be available the minute the child is ready to reconnect. It is also important to initiate repair when we have done something to hurt, disrespect, or shame a child. Parents aren’t perfect. From time to time, we are the cause of the disconnection. Again, our willingness to initiate repair can strengthen the attachment bond. To learn about the repair of adult relationships based on a model of secure attachment, see Helpguide’s Relationship Help series, which describes and details the skills needed to create secure attachments.

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BONDING FOR SECURE ATTACHMENT Our first relationship—the attachment bond—establishes the core strengths on which we form our relationships, sense of security, resilience to stress and emotional flexibility. The brain at birth is programmed to connect us to one very significant person. How we relate to that special someone will profoundly influence every part of growth—physical, mental, emotional and intellectual. Learn about the skills that contribute to creating a secure parent-child bond Parenting, the brain, and attachment Why has the attachment bond become a cornerstone for parenting? According to the National Research Council and the Institute of Medicine, the attachment relationship is the primary predictor of how well a child will do in school. This relationship also predicts all other aspects of health and well being in a developing child. Why has one relationship taken on such importance in recent years? The short answer is that brain technology and research has made greater strides in the past fifteen years than in all preceding years. For the first time we can view the living brain—the “control center” for the nervous system and everything that takes place in the body. Newfound technology has led to discoveries that overturned many former assumptions about the brain and made us aware that: • The brain at birth is the least completed organ in the body—and remains so for from three to five years. • The brain is capable growth throughout life—adding new cells as well as new connections to other cells. • Brain development is determined by experience before and after birth— genetic factors are no more influential than experience. • The brain seeks relationships—throughout life, and especially in infancy, relationships grab and hold the attention of the brain. • The most profound experiences in infancy occur in relationship with one primary caretaker—beginning in the last trimester of pregnancy and lasting for at least two-and-a-half to three years of age.

Parenting and secure attachment What makes the attachment bond secure or insecure? In order to have a secure base from which to explore the world, be resilient to stress, and form meaningful relationships with themselves and others, all infants need a primary adult who cares for them in sensitive ways and who perceives, makes sense of and responds to their needs. Attachment is an instinctive system in the brain that evolved to ensure infant safety and survival. Primary caretakers are usually the natural mothers, but they need not be. A father, another relative or a non-relative can function in the role of


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primary caretaker, provided they sustain a central role in a child’s life for at least the first three (and preferably the first five) years—the period when a child’s brain develops most rapidly. Each attachment occurs in a unique way. Infants vary in what it takes to calm and soothe them or what they find most pleasurable. Caretakers also have their own preferences, but the attuned caretaker will observe and follow the lead of the infant. Relationships characterized by secure attachment have the following attributes: • The adult aligns his/her own internal state with that of the infant or child and communicates this alignment in non-verbal ways that the child understands. This “communication” forms a bond of trust that makes the infant feel that he/she is felt, known and respected. For example: • The child cries; the adult feels concern and acts in ways that communicate this concern. • The infant smiles and wants to interact in a positive manner. Seeing this, the adult understands and accommodates the infant’s desire for joyful play. • Through this mutually attuned interaction, the infant learns to attain balance in his body, emotions, and states of mind. • The comfort, pleasure, and mutuality of the attuned interaction create a sense of safety within the infant and inspire interpersonal connection to others.

“Attachment parenting” and relationship bonding Attachment parenting is a set of infant centered practices that have been used by parents for many years to promote optimal growth and development. Understanding and practice of the attachment bond was introduced by new brain scan technologies and world wide video studies that caught and analyzed the relationship between mother and infant based on the subtle nuances of emotionally attuned and mis-attuned relationships. Attachment Parenting vs. “parenting to create a secure attachment bond” “Attachment Parenting” is a name coined by pediatrician Dr. William Sears for his theory of parenting practices intended to foster emotionally secure attachment in infants. Dr. Sears and Attachment Parenting International promote 8 principles that focus on ways of attending to needs for “proximity, protecting and predictability.” Many of these practices such as breast feeding, holding, and touching have been recommended for nearly 60 years. Parenting that intends to create a secure relationship bond based on revelations only recently made visible will focus less on principles and more on emotional communication. This will be the case because even

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mothers who love and care for their children can fail to provide their offspring with good attachment experience if they don’t play with them, don’t emotionally communicate with them, or frequently misread, misunderstand, or ignore their baby’s cues. The ability to manage stress and remain emotionally present from moment to moment enables a mother to fall in love with her infant and create a secure attachment bond. A caretaker who is depressed, traumatized overwhelmed or distracted won’t be able to connect emotionally with her infant. For help managing stress and emotions, please see our Relationship Help quick course. Attachment bonding and parenting styles predict the future Previously, we could only speculate as to why important relationships disappeared, disintegrated or became contentious. But thanks to new insights into brain development, we can understand why what first brings us together may not be enough to keep us together. Human beings are highly social creatures. Our brains are designed to be in relationship with other people. Interactive communication shapes both the structure and function of the brain. The technology that brain scans have made available in the past fifteen years proves this point. Attachment experience directly influences the development of children and is directly responsible for activating or not activating their genetic potential. Interpersonal relationships and the patterns of communications that children experience with their caretakers directly influence the development of their mental processes. Secure attachment establishes the basis on which the child will form relationships with others; his sense of security about exploring the world; his resilience to stress; his ability to balance his emotions, make sense of his life, and create meaningful interpersonal relationships in the future. Parenting need not be perfect for secure attachment Parents don’t have to be perfect to create secure attachment in their children. Attachment is not “destiny,” because the brain remains flexible throughout life. Relationships with parents can, and do, change. If communication with the infant is secure at least a third of the time or more, that is enough to support a secure relationship. Repair, an important part of the attachment process, contributes as much to optimum development as joyous interaction. No caretaker will interpret a child’s needs correctly all the time. And, as the child grows, there will be times of disagreement between the pair. The caretaker that sets limits and initiates repair as soon as the child indicates a desire for reconnection, strengthens the child’s feeling of safety within the relationship.


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For example, Mom says, “you can’t play with fire” or “you must brush your teeth before bed.” Infants and toddlers, unable to see things from an adult perspective, are easily put off by requests they dislike, which temporarily severs the relationship with anger and tears. The attuned caretaker is not intimidated or put off by this disruption in closeness. If the child is angry or pouting, the caretaker understands the child’s feelings, but remains firm. Relatively soon, the dependant party (the child) gives up because they need to reconnect. An attuned caretaker will respond positively and immediately. Parenting skills that promote secure attachment Observation of secure parenting relationships demonstrate a skill set that may also be equated with emotional intelligence. Helpguide has created a series of articles based on secure attachment practices for use in building and repairing adult relationships. This skill set, which also applies to the building of secure parent/child relationships, includes: • • • • • •

managing stress emotion communicates nonverbal communication playful communication conflict resolution and in particular, the quick course for raising emotional intelligence

We had to actually teach Charlie how to play. That sounds rather weird, but he really did not know what to do with toys. He would only throw the toys he was given. He would much rather “play” with non-toy items. We actually modeled appropriate play for a child of his age. He would get into everything. He was the type of child who would go through my bag and then take it a step further and actually climb into the empty bag. Every day we were learning more about Charlie. When we took Charlie home, he was almost two years old, and he had not yet been exposed to the world. Therefore, even though he was chronologically two years old, emotionally, he was as developed as a newborn. Charlie sometimes still puts small toys in his mouth. This is considered very young behavior for a child who is almost three years old. But, it is quite normal for a baby of just one year to do. Charlie’s exposure age is one year as we brought him home one year ago. Everything he did seemed to be to the extreme. His emotions were harsh; he could not soothe himself. If he was angry or upset, he would have to have a tantrum to calm himself down. We, in an effort to mold appropriate behavior while honoring who he was, rode the storm with him. After staying home with the boys for three months after Charlie’s adoption, it was time for me to return to work and for the boys to go to school.

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This was a new school for both boys and we started by sending them just a few days at a time. Jack adjusted very well and made new friends easily. Charlie had a horrible time. He cried violently for the first week. He was so upset that he was shaking and having diarrhea. We expected Charlie to have a hard time adjusting to being away from us for the first time. But we didn’t realize that he would be so traumatized by the experience. We concluded that the school looked very much like the orphanage. The tables were all small with miniature chairs pulled up to them. Even the toilet and sink were child-size. This was the first time he had been in an environment surrounded by other children his age without us there, just as he had been while living in Russia. The poor child must have thought we were sending him back! Slowly, he became more and more interested in keeping up with Jack. For the first few months, even though he had turned two years old, he was very unsteady on his feet. Charlie could walk frontwards with little effort, but continuously ran into things. He would continue backing up until he ran into something that would knock him over. It was as if he did not realize that eventually something would be in his path. Over the next few months Charlie’s coordination improved and he became able to run quite fast and even pedal a small bike. Now he is very proud of the milestones he has accomplished and loves to give high fives. Jack is the cautious big brother who reminds Charlie that he needs to put on his helmet before he jumps on his bike. Charlie is very motivated by Jack. They are eleven months apart to the day. On one morning as we were getting ready for the day, I overheard a conversation between the two boys in the bathroom. Charlie was curiously looking on as Jack was going to the bathroom. “You know Charlie, hockey players don’t wear diapers.” From that day forward, Charlie has been potty trained. On another occasion, I had just brought Charlie from his playground at school over to Jack’s to pick them up for the day. I was talking to Jack’s teacher when I turned to watch him push another child to the ground. Confused and upset with him, I asked him what he was doing. “That’s my brother, don’t you hurt him,” Jack yelled at the tall boy lying on the ground at his feet. I could not believe that Jack would do that. Although I certainly did not tolerate his pushing someone else, I was amazed and, I’ll admit, impressed with his instinct to protect his little brother from bigger kids. On Jack’s fifth birthday, I had Charlie and him with me at the grocery store. I told Jack that he could have anything he wanted because it was his birthday. His starry eyes and wide smile told me how excited he was. He acted as though he could not believe that I had actually extended such a generous offer. Pointing from one aisle to the other he directed me toward the produce department. I was convinced he did not know his way around


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the store as well as I had thought when we passed the candy aisle without as much as a mention. He wanted me to push the cart to the cut flowers. Jack pointed to a dozen pink roses, “I want to buy those for you, Mommy.” “Oh, Jack, that’s so sweet of you, but you should pick something out for yourself.” He reminded me that I had told him he could pick out whatever he wanted to buy, and that it was the roses for me. As I handed them to him to hold I could feel the tears welling up. What a thoughtful little boy. He was still clutching them proudly as I threw two bags of M&M’s into the cart for the boys. They are getting closer everyday. Both of the boys realize that they truly love and need the other. They are so different from one another in every way. Charlie is the daring one who will fetch a toy in the dark room while Jack is the one who will stop whatever he is doing to hug his little brother who just fell. A few months ago we installed bunk beds in their room. They were so excited to have “big-boy beds.” Jack has the bottom bunk and Charlie is in the top bunk. It doesn’t matter how they start out the night, every night when we go in to check on them they are snuggled up together in one of the beds. Charlie is developmentally closer to his exposure age than his actual chronological age. Recently, Charlie came running into my bedroom at seven on a Saturday morning. His face told me that he was very concerned. I sat up in bed and looked at an orange teary-eyed face. Charlie reported that he in fact had shoved an orange M&M up his nose in bed. In a panic, he had then tried to blow it back out, which was why his face was so orange and looked wet. For a second I thought about getting tweezers and trying to pull it down but then I realized that may not be worth the risk. I called the pediatrician who told me to hold the clear nostril shut with my hand, then to seal his mouth with my own mouth. I was then instructed to blow into his mouth to force the M&M out of his nose. As I blew, bits of the M&M and the other contents of his nose went all over my face. I guess M&M’s may not melt in your hands, but they certainly do melt in your nose! One day in the car, Jack asked me why I didn’t have the radio turned on. I told him that it wasn’t very often that it was just the two of us and I thought it would be nice to just talk on the way to the store. He wasted absolutely no time in asking me a question that he had been holding onto for the perfect time. He said, “Mommy, is it okay if I feel like I miss Ludmila?” Wow, I had no idea he was thinking about her. “Yes, it is very nice that you feel like you miss her because I know you care about her. I know it feels funny to feel that way about someone you don’t remember, but I feel in a way like I love her for giving you to me. Don’t you think that is funny for me to feel like I love her and I have never even met her? You are a very lucky boy, Jack. You know why? You have Ludmila, who lives across the world, and she will always love you. Not too many kids have

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someone who loves them who lives across the world. Don’t you think that is cool?” He replied with a satisfied and cheery, “Yep!” I was glad he did not see the tears on my face because whatever clarity I had just provided him may have been clouded by the look on my face. We talked with Jack and Charlie to get their thoughts about our plan for another Russian adoption. Jack was thrilled with the idea and said he couldn’t wait to see his baby sister. Charlie was very concerned about where she would sleep. I took the boys into the guest bedroom and explained that we would make this into a nice bedroom for a little girl. Right away, Charlie expressed concern with my idea. I reminded him that when he came home from Russia we made space for him and that we would do the same for another child. Charlie was still not satisfied that she should sleep in the spare room. He took me by the hand and led me to his bedroom that he shares with Jack. “We can fit her bed right here. She needs to sleep in here with us.” Jack then said that they would move their toys into the other room to make her bed fit. I was so pleased! They both feel that she should not sleep in a room all alone, that she would be more comfortable with them. It is like they remember how they each felt when they came home from the orphanage. While Charlie was in the orphanage he slept in a bedroom with twelve other children. To honor our children’s heritage, we are looking forward to taking them back to Russia to visit their native culture. There is an amazing program here in the United States designed for families with adopted children from diverse heritages. To us, this is a great way to start to reintroduce your child to his or her culture, perhaps even before you make the journey back to Russia. Below is information about the Colorado Heritage Camp taken from their Web site, www.heritagecamps.org. What happens at a Colorado Heritage Camp? Workshops for All Ages! The philosophy of Colorado Heritage Camps is that it’s never too early or too late for adopted children and their families to take part in this valuable experience. The camps are for parents and children (ages 3 to 18), with child care available for toddlers and infants. Birth siblings, siblings adopted from another culture, aunts, uncles, grandparents, alumni campers and parents, etc. are all welcome. These age appropriate workshops emphasize the relevant culture, and may include language, dance, folktales, traditional songs, and arts and crafts. Also adoption, race and general self-esteem issues are included where appropriate. Cultural Markets! Each Heritage Camp boasts a market where participants may purchase a wide variety of culturally relevant merchandise, including a HUGE selection of books, music, video tapes, stationery and more beautiful cultural items to add to your home decor. Many of the items come directly from the countries of origin and support the artisans in that country.


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Cultural Villages! This hands-on experience is a focal point of each camp where the children get to experience their culture’s home and community through crafts, games, cooking and more. Ethnic Picnics! Families share in an ethnic lunch, prepared and served by parent volunteers, often with donations from some of Colorado’s delicious ethnic restaurants, and generous community members. Festive “After Hours” Events! When the workshops are over for the day, each camp offers fun and festive events for families to enjoy together, including festivals, concerts, dance performances and much more! Beautiful Rocky Mountain Settings! YMCA of the Rockies, which is a non-profit organization that operates Snow Mountain Ranch in Fraser, Colorado. A family vacation destination in itself, Snow Mountain Ranch is nestled on 5,100 acres in a beautiful wilderness setting just two hours west of Denver. Most everything you would like in a Colorado mountain vacation package is right there,including hiking, fishing, canoeing, swimming, roller skating,volleyball, tennis, horseback riding, hayrides, and MORE! Snow Mountain Ranch is located a few miles west of the ski resort, Winter Park, which has a full roster of summertime fun and activities. Snow Mountain is also just a few miles east of Granby and Grand Lake, Colorado, both of which boast many summer activities, including boating on large lakes (for Colorado). Forget that expensive skiing in Colorado— summer is the BEST and most beautiful time to be here! For camps held in Denver, there are many culturally-rich opportunities to explore in the urban environment as well as lots of fun things to do in the city for the entire family! Russian/Eastern European/Central Asian Camp (REECA) is one of the few camps of its kind in the country, specifically designed for families with children adopted from Russia, Eastern Europe, and Central Asia. Our acronym is a mouthful - REECA, but our campers are coming from a variety of countries; Russia, Ukraine, Belarus, Kazakhstan, Kyrgyzstan, Moldova, and more and we want to acknowledge that and assure you that everyone is welcome and encouraged to attend! This inclusiveness has made for a very culturally rich heritage camp indeed. It is amazing to eat Russian food, sing Ukrainian folk songs, learn dances from Belarus, enter an entire room devoted to the Kazak culture, and much more, all in one long weekend! REECA is one of ten camps facilitated by the highly respected Colorado Heritage Camps, a non-profit organization, which has been conducting heritage camps for adoptive families for 16 years. Russian (REECA) Heritage Camp is a family camp with programming for each member of the family. Campers from age 3 to 18, plus their parents, grandparents, family friends, etc. participate in classes and workshops taught by adoption professionals, parents, and cultural community members.

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Counselors from various backgrounds serve as role models and mentors as they participate with the children in cultural activities while adult family members attend cultural and adoption-related workshops ranging from cooking and customs to the blessings and challenges inherent in our adoptive families. For more information, please visit their Web site at www.heritagecamps.org/russian2.html. Below is information about the Russian Ties Program. This is a very respected program that takes children and their families back to Russia for a trip of a lifetime. The children will be given many opportunities from working in groups with other Russian adopted children to making a visit back to the orphanage where they lived.

MESSAGES IN THE JOURNEY: VISITING YOUR CHILD’S COUNTRY OF BIRTH Greg and his family live in Woods Hole on Cape Cod, a popular U.S. vacation spot in the summer. Shortly after visiting his birth country, Greg and his mother were stuck in traffic near their home. In response to Greg’s wish that all the vacationers go home, his mother reminded him that just a week ago they were tourists visiting his city of birth. Greg immediately exclaimed, “You may have been a tourist, but I was a native.” Whether you are at the stage of bringing home your little one or settled into a family routine, it is never too soon to think about visiting your child’s country of birth with your child. A homeland journey is more than a trip, rather it is an opportunity to focus on your child’s heritage and how it impacts their identity. It is an opportunity for your child to have memories of BEING IN Russia as opposed to BEING FROM Russia. A heritage journey empowers a child with experiences that they can integrate into the person they are becoming. Over the years, your child has heard your stories about Russia and coming together as a family. These stories enable your child to outline pictures, such as outlines found in a coloring book, of Russia. When your child returns to Russia on a heritage journey he or she is able to color in the pictures because of the messages received during the journey. Here are some of those messages: BELONGING

“Wow! Lots of kids share my story. I am not alone.” PRIDE

“I like the people in Russia. They’re Russian just like me!” CHOICES

“Parenting was not an option for my birth mom.” UNDERSTANDING

“The choices that were made for me make better sense now.”


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MY CULTURAL IDENTITY

“As I seek to discover who I am and who I will become as an adult, it is important to acknowledge myself as both North American and Russian.” Visiting your child’s country of birth is a life changing experience. It fosters understanding, nurtures price, and creates family memories that last a lifetime. Sharing the journey with other families makes the experience especially meaningful and lots of fun. This information provided by: The Ties Program—Adoptive Family Homeland Journeys, www.adoptivefamilytravel.com

SOME ARTICLES ON RUSSIAN CULTURE AND TRADITION: RUSSIAN CHRISTMAS Thirteen days after Western Christmas, on January 7th, the Russian Orthodox Church celebrates its Christmas, in accordance with the old Julian calendar. It’s a day of both solemn ritual and joyous celebration. After the 1917 Revolution, Christmas was banned throughout Russia, along with other religious celebrations. It wasn’t until 75 years later, in 1992, that the holiday was openly observed. Today, it’s once again celebrated in grand fashion, with the faithful participating in an all-night Mass in incensefilled Cathedrals amidst the company of the painted icons of Saints. Christmas is one of the most joyous traditions for the celebration of Eve comes from the Russian tradition. On the Eve of Christmas, it is traditional for all family members to gather to share a special meal. The various foods and customs surrounding this meal differed in Holy Russia from village to village and from family to family, but certain aspects remained the same. An old Russian tradition, whose roots are in the Orthodox faith, is the Christmas Eve fast and meal. The fast, typically, lasts until after the evening worship service or until the first star appears. The dinner that follows is very much a celebration, although, meat is not permitted. Kutya (kutia), a type of porridge, is the primary dish. It is very symbolic with its ingredients being various grains for hope and honey and poppy seed for happiness and peace. Once the first star has appeared in the sky, the festivities begin. Although all of the food served is strictly Lenten, it is served in an unusually festive and anticipatory manner and style. The Russians call this meal: “The Holy Supper.” The family gathers around the table to honor the coming Christ Child. A white table-cloth, symbolic of Christ’s swaddling clothes, covers the Table. Hay is brought forth as a reminder of the poverty of the Cave where Jesus was born. A tall white candle is place in the center of the Table, symbolic of Christ “the Light of the World.” A large round loaf of Lenten bread, “pagach,” symbolic of Christ the Bread of Life, is placed next to the Candle.

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The meal begins with the Lord’s Prayer, led by the father of the family. A prayer of thanksgiving for all the blessings of the past year is said and then prayers for the good things in the coming year are offered. The head of the family greets those present with the traditional Christmas greeting: “Christ is Born!” The family members respond: “Glorify Him!” The Mother of the family blesses each person present with honey in the form of a cross on each forehead, saying: “In the Name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, may you have sweetness and many good things in life and in the new year.” Following this, everyone partakes of the bread, dipping it first in honey and then in chopped garlic. Honey is symbolic of the sweetness of life, and garlic of the bitterness. The “Holy Supper” is then eaten (see below for details). After dinner, no dishes are washed and the Christmas presents are opened. Then the family goes to Church, coming home between 2 and 3 AM. On the Feast of the Nativity, neighbors and family members visit each other, going from house to house, eating, drinking and singing Christmas Carols all the day long. The “Holy Supper”

Christmas Eve dinner is meatless but festive. The most important ingredient is a special porridge called kutya. It is made of wheatberries or other grains which symbolize hope and immortality, and honey and poppy seeds which ensure happiness, success, and untroubled rest. A ceremony involving the blessing of the home is frequently observed. The kutya is eaten from a common dish to symbolize unity. Some families used to throw a spoonful of kutya up to the ceiling. According to tradition, if the kutya stuck, there would be a plentiful honey harvest. Traditionally, the “Holy Supper” consists of 12 different foods, symbolic of the 12 Apostles. Although there was also some variation in the foods from place to place and village to village, the following is a good summary of what was typically served. It comes to us from Elizabeth Kontras, who celebrated the Feast of the Nativity in the traditional Russian way with her babishka (Grandmother) and zeddo (Grandfather) in Monessen, Pennsylvania until their passing in the 1970s–1980s. The twelve foods are: 1. Mushroom soup with zaprashka; this is often replaced with Sauerkraut soup 2. Lenten bread (“pagach”) 3. Grated garlic 4. Bowl of honey 5. Baked cod 6. Fresh Apricots, Oranges, Figs and Dates 7. Nuts 8. Kidney beans (slow cooked all day) seasoned with shredded potatoes, lots of garlic, salt and pepper to taste


9. 10. 11. 12.

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Peas Parsley Potatoes (boiled new potatoes with chopped parsley and margarine) Bobal’ki (small biscuits combined with sauerkraut or poppyseed with honey) Red Wine

It was once common practice, on Christmas Eve, for groups of people masquerading as manger animals to travel from house to house, having themselves a rousing good time, and singing songs known as kolyadki. Some kolyadki were pastoral carols to the baby Jesus, while others were homages to the ancient solar goddess Kolyada, who brings the lengthening days of sunlight through the winter. In return for their songs, the singers were offered food and coins, which they gladly accepted, moving on to the next home. Ded Moroz and yolka

The origin of Santa Claus is in St. Nicholas. He was born in Asia Minor at at the Greco-Roman city of of Myra in the province of Lycia, at a time when the region was entirely Greek in origin. Due to the suppression of religion during the Soviet regime, St. Nicholas was replaced by Ded Moroz or Grandfather Frost, the Russian Spirit of Winter who brought gifts on New Year’s. He is accompanied by Snyegurochka, the Snowmaiden, who helps distribute the gifts. The Christmas tree (Yolka) is yet another tradition banned during the Soviet era. To keep the custom alive, people decorated New Year’s trees, instead. Since ornaments were either very costly or unavailable, family trees were trimmed with homemade decorations and fruit. Yolka comes from the word which refers to a fir tree. The custom of decorating Christmas trees was introduced to Russia by Peter the Great, after he visited Europe during the 1700’s. An article from Russian Crafts: A closer acquaintance with Russia. New Year Eve instead of Christmas

Few people in Russia remember, but when the communists took power in 1917 they banned the open expression of religion. While it was easy to pray at home, the Russian people were concerned about giving up their traditional Christmas celebration. But where there is a will, there is a way! They re-invented the New Year’s holiday tradition to include a decorated tree, and introduced a character called “Grandfather Frost.” Known as “Ded Moroz,” Grandfather Frost looked very much like the western “Santa Claus” or “Pere Noel”—except he wore a blue suit. Actually, Ded Moroz was a character that existed in the pagan culture, centuries earlier. For a time, Christmas was all but forgotten. In fact, it

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was generally celebrated only in small villages, where the citizenry was far from the prying eyes of the Party. Today, Christmas is celebrated again, on January 7. But, to date, New Year’s remains the bigger event. An article from Russian Crafts: A closer acquaintance with Russia.

Afterword

The writing of this book has been such an unbelievable experience. It has given me many opportunities to be honest and to relive many of the best moments of my life. It has already generated serious interest in a Russian adoption in the lives of other families. I can’t help but feel it was the right thing to do. I had so many notes and memories scratched on everything from a boarding pass to unused apostilled documents. I have shared my ultimate risk and my most intimate journey of life with everyone who expresses interest. I feel a certain sense of undeniable vulnerability in being so honest with so many people, many of whom I will never meet. I realize though that this isn’t about me. It isn’t about thinking that an orphan will not be good enough for me, it is about realizing that I have to live every day being good enough for them. It’s about telling our story and making others aware of what it is like at just one of the hundreds of orphanages in Russia. Hopefully, you now better understand the conditions in the orphanages, which are so needy, but where the potential of each waiting child is so great. They just need a chance to live like we do; in a home where they are nourished, cared for, taken to the doctor, given the opportunity to learn, and be adored by all of us who love them. Ten percent of my earnings from this book will go directly to aid for Russian orphanages. If you would like to make a monetary contribution, please contact me at the e-mail address below. If you are interested in contacting me to ask questions specific to an adoption issue or would like me to speak at a workshop, please feel free to contact me at [email protected]. You are invited to visit my Web site at www.russianadoptionjourney.com.


Additional Resources

The U.S. Department of State offers helpful information and lists several agencies involved in adoption on their Web site http://travel.state.gov/ family/adoption/intercountry/intercountry_473.html.

GENERAL ADOPTION INFORMATION The information below is designed to provide a sampling of the many organizations involved in adoption. The agencies listed are not placement agencies. The Department of State does not endorse or recommend any particular organization. Information taken from http://travel.state.gov/family/ adoption/intercountry/intercountry_473.html.


Appendix A: National Adoption Organizations and Parent Support Groups

*National Adoption Information Clearinghouse (NAIC) P.O. Box 1182 Washington, DC 20013-1182 Tel: 703-352-3488 / 888-251-0075 Fax: 703-385-3206 Internet address: http://naic.acf.hhs.gov/ Internet e-mail: [email protected]

*This organization was established by Congress to provide the general public with easily accessible information on all aspects of adoption. NAIC publishes a variety of fact sheets on adoption issues, directories of adoption-related services, and a catalog of audiovisual materials on adoptions. NAIC does not place children for adoption or provide counseling. It does, however, make referrals for such services. Adoptive Families Magazine P.O. Box 5159 Brentwood, TN 37024 Tel: 212-877-1839 1-800-372-3300 Internet address: http://www.adoptivefamiliesmagazine.com Committee for Single Adoptive Parents, Inc. P.O. Box 15084 Chevy Chase, MD 20825 Tel: 202-966-6367

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Appendix A

FACE (Families Adopting Children Everywhere) Face Inc. P.O. Box 28058 Baltimore, MD 21239 Tel: 410-488-2656 (Help-line) Internet address: http://www.faceadoptioninfo.org/about.html International Concerns Committee for Children 911 Cypress Drive Boulder, CO 80303 Tel: 303-494-8333 Internet address: http://www.iccadopt.org Joint Council on International Children’s Services 1320 19th St., NW, Suite 200 Washington, DC 20036 Tel: 202-429-0400 Internet address: http://www.jcics.org *North American Council on Adoptable Children (NACAC) 970 Raymond Avenue, Suite 106 St. Paul, MN 55114 Tel: 651-644-3036 Fax: 651-644-9848 Internet address: http://www.nacac.org

*This organization can provide a list of parent support groups in a specific region of the United States. National Council for Adoption 225 N. Washington Street Alexandria, VA 22314 Tel: 703-299-6633 Internet address: http://www.adoptioncouncil.org

MAGAZINES AND BOOKS Magazines • Adoptive Families (formerly OURS magazine) 1-800-372-3300 Complimentary copy available by calling the above number • ODS News Open Door Society of Massachusetts 1-800-93A-DOPT • Single Parents With Adopted Kids 4108 Washington Rd. #101 Kenosha, WI 53144

Appendix A

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Books General Information • Adamec, Christine and Pierce, William L. The Encyclopedia of Adoption. Facts on File, Inc.: June 1991. • Adamec, Christine. There Are Babies To Adopt. Windsor Publishing Corporation: 1991. • Alexander-Roberts, Colleen. The Essential Adoption Handbook. Taylor Publishing Co.: 1993. • Erichsen, Heino and Nelson-Erichsen, Jean. How To Adopt Internationally: A Guide for Agency-Directed & Independent Adoption. Los Ni~ nos International Adoption & Information Center: 1993. • Gilman, Lois. The Adoption Resource Book: All the Things You Need to Know & Ought to Know about Creating an Adoptive Family. Harper Collins Publishers, Inc.: 1987. • Hicks, Randall B. Adopting in America: How to Adopt Within One Year (revised 1996–97 edition). WordSlinger Press: 1995. • Hicks, Randall B. Adoption Stories for Young Children. WordSlinger Press: 1995. • Independent Adoption Manual. Advocate Press: June 1993. • Knoll, Jean and Murphy, Mary-Kate. International Adoption: Sensitive Advice for Prospective Parents. Chicago Review Press: 1994. • Wirth, Eileen and Worden, Joan. How to Adopt a Child from Another Country. Abingdon Press: 1993.

Adoption of Older Children • Jewett, Claudia. Adopting the Older Child. Harvard Common Press: 1978. • Kadushin, Alfred. Adopting Older Children. Columbia University Press: 1970. • Mansfield, Gianforte and Waldmann. Don’t Touch My Heart: Healing the Pain of an Unattached Child. Pinon Press: 1994.

Children’s Literature • Bloom, Suzanne. A Family for Jamie: An Adoption Story. Crown Books for Young Readers: 1991. • Krementz, Jill. How It Feels to Be Adopted. Alfred A. Knopf, Inc.: 1988.

Cultural and Racial Differences • Erichsen, Heino R. and Nelson, Erichsen, Jean. Butterflies in the Wind:Spanish-Indian Children with White Parents. Los Ni~ nos InternationalAdoption & Information Center: 1992.

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Appendix A

Single Parent Adoption • Marindin, Hope, ed. Handbook for Single Adoptive Parents. Committee for Single Adoptive Parents: 1992.

Parenting and Adjustment • Bartels-Rabb, Lisa and Van Gulden, Holly. Real Parents, Real Children:Parenting The Adopted Child. Crossroad Publishing Co.: 1993. • Brodzinsky, David; Schechter, Marshall; and Henig, Robin. Being Adopted:The Lifelong Search for Self. Doubleday & Company, Inc.: 1993. • Register, Cheri. Are Those Kids Yours?: American Families with Children Adopted from Other Countries. Free Press: 1990.

Appendix B: Additional Information on Adoptions and Foreign Travel

Section 1: Government Information Internet General information on international adoption and specific information on adoption in a number of foreign countries and on foreign travel is also available via Internet at adopt.html. Mail In Requests All of the flyers available on the automated fax service are also available in printed form. The order form, section two of Appendix 2, can be used to obtain these flyers. Simply circle the flyer(s) that you wish and send the order form to: Office of Children’s Issues SA-29 U.S. Department of State 2201 C Street, NW Washington, DC 20520-2818 Phone: 1-888-407-4747 Fax: (202) 312-9743

Please enclose a large stamped, self-addressed envelope. For printed copies of Travel Warnings, Public Announcements, Consular Information Sheets and other general travel-related information, send an 8 1/2 11-inch self-addressed envelope with $3 in stamps attached to the Office of American Citizens Services and Crisis Management, U.S. Department of State, Washington, D.C. 20520-2818.

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Appendix B

Reference List Statistics on Foreign Born Children:

United States. U.S. State Department. Immigrant Visas Issued to Orphans coming to US: 2008 http://www.travel.state.gov/family/adoption/ stats/stats_451.html. NHCS Brochure:

Bronstien, Dr. Arna, Flaskar, Dr. Alexsa. Russian Adoption Program: 2007 www.youcanadopt.org. Accredited Adoption agencies:

U.S. Department of State. Embassy of the United States, Moscow, Russia. International Adoptions in Russia http://moscow.usembassy.gov/ adoptions05.html. Orphanage Database

Holt, Karen. Database of Orphanages: 2008 www.karensadoptionlinks.com Employee Benefits:

Karen Holt www.karensadtopionlinks.org. I-600A

United States. U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services. Application for Advanced Processing of Orphan Petition: July 30, 2007. http://www. uscis.gov/portal/site/uscis. Intercountry Adoptions

Child Welfare Information Gateway. Intercountry Adoptions Finalized Abroad: 2005 http://www.childwelfare.gov/systemwide/laws_policies/ statutes/intercountry.cfm#2. Russian Alphabet

Russian Language Course with Sounds Samples http://www.geocities.com/CollegePark/Bookstore/3230/alphabet.html.

Appendix B

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Visas

US. Embassy of the Russian federation, USA. Tourist Visas http://www.russianembassy.org/CONSULAT/TOUR-VIS.HTM. Post Placement Reports

New Hope Christian Services; Dr. David Mexcur. Heritage Camps

Pam Sweetser, www.heritagecamps.org. Russian Ties

Bea Evans, The Ties Program-Adoptive Family Homeland Journeys, www.adoptivefamilytravel.com. Articles on Russian Holidays

From Russian Crafts: A closer acquaintance with Russia. General Adoption Information: U.S. Department of State, www.state.gov/adoption. Russia, 198330 St. Petersburg, P.O. Box 182 Terletski Mikhail


Appendix C: U.S. Immigration Requirements

Prospective adoptive parents are strongly encouraged to consult USCIS publication M-249, The Immigration of Adopted and Prospective Adopting Children, as well as the Department of State publication, International Adoptions. The USCIS publication is available at the USCIS Web site uscis.gov. The Department of State publication International Adoption can be found on the Bureau of Consular Affairs Web site, travel.state.gov, under “International Adoption.” Before completing an adoption abroad, prospective adoptive parents are strongly encouraged to read the requirements for filing Form I-600, Petition to Classify Orphan as an Immediate Relative. Please see the flyer “How Can Adopted Children Come to the United States” at the U.S. Department of State, Bureau of Consular Affairs web site travel.state.gov.

APPLYING FOR A VISA FOR YOUR CHILD AT THE U.S. EMBASSY IN RUSSIA Once the adoption has been completed on the Russian side of the adoption process, the adoptive parents’ adoption agency facilitator can then contact the Embassy to make an appointment to apply for the immigrant visa. Parents are strongly advised to read the instructions found at http:// moscow.usembassy.gov/consular/consular.php?record_id=adoptions on how to apply for an immigrant visa for an adopted child. Parents are urged to closely coordinate with their adoption agencies to ensure that all documents are in order and valid and that all requirements, including the medical examination, have been met.

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Appendix C

REGISTRATION OF RUSSIAN ORPHANS Adopted Russian children must be registered with the Government of Russia either by registering with the Ministry of Foreign Affairs (MFA) before they leave the country or by working with their adoption agency to register their adopted children with the G.O.R. when they return to the U.S. If registering prior to departing Russia,. U.S. citizen families should do this after an adopted child has received an immigrant visa to the United States. The following documents are needed for registration: 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7.

Original of the child’s passport which contains the U.S. Immigrant Visa; The parents’ passports (photocopies are not acceptable); Letter from the orphanage (orphanage release); Letter from the Ministry of Education of Russia; Court decision; Adoption certificate; Application for Registration and two photos of the child. The Consular Section of the MFA is open for the registration of adopted children Monday through Friday from 9:30–12:00 for intake, and 3 P.M–5 P.M. Monday–Thursday and 2 P.M. to 4 P.M. on Friday for issuance of completed registration and documents. The process takes two days; issuance takes place the day after the intake of documents. Since January 11, 2006, the service is free of charge.

ACQUIRING U.S. CITIZENSHIP The language describing the acquisition of U.S. citizenship for adopted children is currently under review. Until the new language is finalized, please click on the following link for further information: http://travel. state.gov/family/adoption/info/info_457.html. U.S. Embassy in Russia

Americans living or traveling abroad are encouraged to register with the nearest U.S. Embassy or Consulate through the State Department’s travel registration website, https://travelregistration.state.gov/, and to obtain updated information on travel and security within the country of travel. Americans without Internet access may register directly with the nearest U.S. Embassy or Consulate. By registering, American citizens make it easier for the Embassy or Consulate to contact them in case of emergency. The Consular Section is located at: U.S. Embassy of Russia #21 Novinsky Blvd. Moscow, Russia 123242

Appendix C

167

Tel: 728-5000 switchboard 728-5567 (orphan visas) Fax: 728-5247 (orphans only) Website: http://moscow.usembassy.gov/

The United States also has Consulates General in the cities of St. Petersburg, Vladivostok and Yekaterinburg. Please note that these are small offices that are able to provide only emergency services to U.S. citizens. Moreover, they are not directly involved in the U.S. immigrant visa process. All questions regarding the adoption or immigrant visa processes in Russia should be directed to the U.S. Embassy in Moscow. Additional Information

General questions regarding intercountry adoption may be addressed to the Office of Children’s Issues, U.S.Department of State, CA/OCS/CI, SA-29, 4th Floor, 2201 C Street, NW, Washington, D.C. 20520-4818 , toll-free Tel: 1-888-407-4747. Useful information is also available from several other sources: • Call Center—Toll Free Hotline: For information on intercountry adoption of children and international parental child abduction, call Overseas Citizens Services at 1-888-407-4747. This number is available from 8:00 A.M. to 8:00 P.M. Eastern Standard Time, Monday through Friday (except U.S. federal holidays). Callers who are unable to use toll-free numbers, such as those calling from overseas, may obtain information and assistance during these hours by calling 1-202-501-4444. • U.S. Department of State Visa Office: Recorded information concerning immigrant visas for adopting children, (202) 663-1225. • DHS Citizenship and Immigration Services: Recorded information for requesting immigrant visa application forms: 1-800-870-FORM (3676). • Adoption Information Flyers: The Consular Affairs Web site at: http:// travel.state.gov/ contains intercountry adoption information flyers like this one and the International Adoptions brochure. • Consular Information Sheets: The State Department has general information about hiring a foreign attorney and authenticating documents that may supplement the country-specific information provided in this flyer. In addition, the State Department publishes Consular Information Sheets (CISes) for every country in the world, providing information such as location of the U.S. Embassy, health conditions, political situations, and crime reports. If the situation in a country poses a specific threat to the safety and security of American citizens that is not addressed in the CIS for that country, the State Department may issue a Public Announcement alerting U.S. citizens to local security situations. If conditions in a country are sufficiently serious, the State Department may issue a Travel Warning recommending that U.S. citizens avoid traveling to that country. These

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documents are available on the Internet at http://travel.state.gov or by calling the State Department’s Office of Overseas Citizen Services at (202) 647-5225. The recordings are updated as new information becomes available, and are also accessible through the automated fax machine and the Internet web site, as above. • CIS web site: http://uscis.gov.

Appendix D: U.S. Department of State

INTERNATIONAL ADOPTION Introduction American citizens are seeking to adopt children in ever increasing numbers. With the reduction in children available for adoption in the United States, more and more U.S. citizens have adopted children from other countries. This year, thousands of children came to the United States from foreign countries, either adopted abroad by U.S. citizens or as potential adoptees. This brochure provides both information and guidance to U.S. citizens seeking information about international adoptions. International adoption is essentially a private legal matter between a private individual (or couple) who wishes to adopt, and a foreign court, which operates under that country’s laws and regulations. U.S. authorities cannot intervene on behalf of prospective parents with the courts in the country where the adoption takes place. However, the Department of State does provide extensive information about the adoption processes in various countries and the U.S. legal requirements to bring a child adopted abroad to the United States. The Office of Children’s Issues in the Bureau of Consular Affairs provides brochures describing the adoption process in numerous countries. Adoption information is also available on our automated facsimile system and Internet (see appendix 2). In addition, we provide recorded information on international adoption for several countries on a twenty-four hour basis through our recorded telephone messages at 1-888-407-4747 and at our Internet site at http://travel.state.gov. If you have questions, please call us at 202-736-9130. You may also fax us at 202-736-9080, or write us at: Office of Children’s Issues

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SA-29 U.S. Department of State 2201 C Street, NW Washington, DC 20520-2818

I. General Information

The Role of the State Department: The State Department CAN: • Provide information about international adoption in foreign countries • Provide general information about U.S. visa requirements for international adoption • Make inquiries of the U.S. consular section abroad regarding the status of a specific adoption case and clarify documentation or other requirements • Ensure that U.S. citizens are not discriminated against by foreign authorities or courts

The State Department CANNOT: • • • •

Locate a child or children available for adoption Become directly involved in the adoption process in another country Act as an attorney or represent adoptive parents in court Order that an adoption take place or that a visa be issued

Other Sources of Information: The Office of Children’s Issues frequently receives requests for general information about international adoption. Questions range from how to begin the adoption process to how to find an agency, or what countries to consider. The public library and local telephone yellow pages (see “Adoption Services”) are good sources of general information, including adoption agencies and attorneys who specialize in adoption, support groups and books and magazines related to adoption (See Appendices A and B). Additionally, a number of umbrella organizations provide extensive general information that can be very helpful both before and after the adoption. Several of these organizations publish articles and lists of adoption agencies. For specific information about agencies operating in your area, call your state social services agency or the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services (HHS) office. Adoption opportunities, regulations, and even the social climate may change at any time, making it impossible to categorically state in which country adoptions will proceed smoothly. For example, social and religious restrictions in Africa and the Middle East make adoption difficult in those regions. However, the Department of State does maintain statistics indicating the number of visas (IR-3 and IR-4) for adoption issued yearly by country. Appendix 2, Section III (page 19) directs you the Consular Affairs’

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Internet site so that you can view the most recent list of the top 20 countries. Since countries do change their adoption regulations, it is necessary for you to thoroughly investigate a country before initiating an adoption. II. Guidelines on International Adoption

To complete an international adoption and bring a child to the United States, prospective adoptive parent(s) must fulfill the requirements set by the United States Bureau of Citizenship and Immigration Services in the Department of Homeland Security (BCIS), the foreign country in which the child resides and sometimes the state of residence of the adoptive parent(s). Although procedures and documentary requirements may seem repetitive, you should procure several copies of each document in the event they are needed to meet the requirements of BCIS, the foreign country and your home state. The process is designed to protect the child, the adoptive parent(s) and the birth parent(s). The U.S. Immigration and Nationality Act (INA) is the U.S. immigration law regarding the issuance of visas to nationals of other countries, including children adopted abroad or coming to the United States for adoption. The basic statutory provision concerning adopted children is in INA Section 101(b)(1)(E), which provides immigrant classification for “a child adopted while under the age of sixteen years if the child has been in the legal custody of, and has resided with, the adopting parent or parents for at least two years.” This so-called “two-year provision” is for individuals who are temporarily residing abroad and wish to adopt a child in accordance with the laws of the foreign state where they reside. Most adoptive parents, however, are not able to spend two years abroad living with the child. Therefore, they seek benefits under another provision of the INA, Section 101(b)(1)(F), which grants immigrant classification to orphans who have been adopted or will be adopted by U.S. citizens. Under this section of the law, both the child and the adoptive parents must satisfy a number of requirements established by the INA and the related regulations, but the two-year residency requirement is eliminated. Only after it is demonstrated that both the parents and the child qualify, can the child be issued a visa to travel to the United States. For specific information about BCIS requirements, see the U.S. Department of Justice, Bureau of Citizenship and Immigration Services in the Department of Homeland Security, brochure M-249Y, The Immigration of Adopted and Prospective Adoptive Children. The BCIS also has a tollfree information number, from which you can obtain form M-249 booklets and the telephone numbers of local BCIS offices in the United States. The toll-free number is 1-800-375-5283 or ins.usdoj.gov. Your adoption agency or attorney will require specific documents, as will your state of residence. These requirements may appear daunting. The

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chart, in Appendix 2, Section IV, serves as a checklist for many of the documents that you will be expected to provide. In general, all agencies, whether state or private, require proof of citizenship, marriage (if a married couple), health, financial stability and information about arrests or certification of a clean criminal record. In addition, the home study (a report on the family prepared by a licensed social worker or other person licensed to perform home studies) normally is required by both the foreign government and the BCIS. The local government of the country from which you wish to adopt, your chosen adoption agency, or attorney may request additional documents. Bureau of Citizenship and Immigration Services in the Department of Homeland Security Approval Adoptive and prospective adoptive parent(s) must comply with U.S. immigration procedures, initiated through the BCIS in the United States in order to bring an adoptive child to the U.S. Simply locating a child in a foreign country and going to the U.S. Embassy to obtain a visa for the child will not meet these requirements. An orphan cannot be brought to the United States without a visa, which is based upon an BCIS approved petition (form I-600). To facilitate the process, we suggest that you contact the BCIS office that has jurisdiction over your place of residence in the United States for information, early in the pre-adoption process. The Orphan Petition form has two parts: I-600 and I-600A. The I-600 is used when the adoptive parents have identified a specific child. The I-600 is filed with the appropriate office of the BCIS in the United States. The BCIS adjudicates all aspects of the I-600 petition - including the suitability of the adoptive parent(s), compliance with any state pre-adoption requirements (if the child is to be adopted after entry into the United States), and the qualifications of the child as an orphan within the meaning of section 101(b)(1)(F) of the Immigration and Nationality Act (See BCIS brochure M-249Y). When the petition has been approved, the BCIS notifies the U.S. embassy or consulate that processes visas for residents of the child’s country. At the same time, the approved I-600 petition and supporting documents are sent to the National Visa Center in New Hampshire, where the petition is assigned a computer tracking code and then mailed to the appropriate U.S. consular office abroad. The I-600A form should be filed if the prospective adoptive parent(s) have not yet identified a child or intend to go abroad to locate a child for adoption. Like the I-600, this application is filed at the local BCIS office in the United States with jurisdiction over the place of residence of the adoptive parent(s). BCIS evaluates the suitability of the prospective adoptive parent(s). When the application is approved, notification is sent to the adoptive parents and to the appropriate U.S. mission in the country where the parents have indicated they would like to adopt. Once the parents have located a specific child, they must file an I-600 Petition. The

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parents may file the I-600 petition either with their local BCIS office in the United States or with the BCIS or U.S. consular office overseas. Although only one parent must be physically present to file the I-600 petition overseas, that parent must be a U.S. citizen. A third party may not file the petition on the parents’ behalf, even with a valid Power of Attorney. In addition, if only one of the two parents travels, the petition must nevertheless be properly executed (signed) by both parents after it has been completely filled out. This means one parent cannot sign for the other parent and neither parent may sign the petition until all the details about the child have been entered on the form. The traveling parent can, however, use express mail service to obtain the other parent’s signature. The Foreign Adoption Process Although adoption procedures vary from country to country, most countries require that prior to any court action, a child placed for adoption be legally recognized as an orphan or, in the case where a parent is living, be legally and irrevocably released for adoption in a manner provided for under local foreign law. In addition, the adoption laws in most countries require the full adoption of the child in the foreign court after the child has been declared an orphan or released by the living parent to an appropriate foreign authority. Some countries do allow simple adoption, which means that the adopting parent(s) can be granted guardianship of the child by the foreign court. This will permit the child to leave the foreign country to be adopted in the country of the adopting parent(s). A few countries do allow adoptive parents to adopt through a third party without actually traveling to that country. It is important to note that a foreign country’s determination that the child is an orphan does not guarantee that the child will be considered an orphan under the U.S. Immigration and Nationality Act, since the foreign country may use different standards. Questions, which involve interpretation of specific foreign laws, should be addressed to a foreign attorney operating in the country where the adoption will take place. Some countries accept the properly authenticated home study of the prospective adoptive parent(s) at face value, while other countries also require a personal appearance by the adoptive parent(s) before the foreign court. Sometimes, countries require a period of residence by one or both adoptive parents. In these cases, prospective adoptive parents may find it necessary to spend an extended period in the foreign country awaiting the completion of the foreign adoption documents. Additionally, several countries require a post-adoption follow-up conducted by the adoption agency or the foreign country’s consul in the United States. III. Immigrant Visas

When the foreign adoption (or guardianship process in those countries that allow guardianship) is completed, the adoptive parent(s) can apply for

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an immigrant visa (IR-3 for a child adopted abroad or IR-4 for a child to be adopted in the United States) at the appropriate U.S. consular office abroad. In addition to the notification of the approved I-600 or I-600A petition from the BCIS, the consular officer also requires specific documentation to conduct a visa interview and to approve visa issuance. Some of these requirements are discussed below. However, we strongly suggest that adoptive parents contact the consular section conducting the visa interview prior to the actual scheduling of the interview. Remember, a visa is not permission to enter the United States. Final authority to enter the U.S. rests with the BCIS at the port of entry. Meeting with the consular officer prior to the interview allows parents to obtain a list of the visa requirements and necessary forms and provides an opportunity to discuss any questions or concerns. In addition, if time permits, an early meeting may allow the consular officer to see the child for whom the visa is necessary. “Visual inspection” of the child is a requirement. It may be more convenient for all parties involved for the prospective adoptive parents not to be distracted with the child(ren) during the final visa interview. Some consular sections schedule special times to handle orphan petitions, facilitating the workflow and ensuring availability of consular staff and facilities for the adoptive parents and children. Another visa requirement is the medical examination of the child by a designated physician. The U.S. embassy or consulate must approve the physician conducting the examination. The medical examination focuses primarily on detecting certain serious contagious diseases or disabilities that may be a basis for visa ineligibility. If the child is found to have any of these illnesses or disabilities, the child may still be issued a visa after the illness has been treated and is no longer contagious, or after a waiver of the visa eligibility is approved by the BCIS. If the physician or the consular official notes that the child has a serious disease or disability, the parents will be notified and asked if they wish to proceed with the child’s immigration. Prospective adoptive parents should not rely on this medical examination to detect all possible disabilities or illnesses. You may wish to arrange an additional private medical examination if there are concerns about the child’s health. The fee for an immigrant visa is $260 for the application and $65 for the visa, which must be paid either in local currency or U.S. dollars in cash, money order, cashier’s check or certified check. Neither personal checks nor credit cards are accepted. The Visa Interview The consular section will schedule the final visa interview once all the required documents have been provided and the file is complete. This documentation includes: • notification by the BCIS of the I-600 or I-600A approval • final adoption decree or proof of custody from the foreign government

Appendix D

• • • • • •

175

the child’s birth certificate the child’s passport (from the country of the child’s nationality) the completed and signed medical examination report necessary photographs of the child the visa application (Form OF 230) completed I-600 petition (if it was not previously approved by BCIS)

Although the final visa interview appears to involve a single action that may be completed quickly, the consular officer must perform several different steps required by law and regulation. The officer must review the I-600 petition, verify the child’s status as an orphan, establish that the prospective parent(s) have legal custody, survey the child’s medical condition and confirm that the child has the required travel documentation. Questions concerning legal custody or proper documentation for the child must be resolved in accordance with the law of the country of the child’s nationality or residence. Since requirements vary from country to country, the consular section can be helpful in explaining requirements in their local area. Nevertheless, the adoptive parent(s) or the adoption agent is responsible for meeting these requirements. As explained earlier, the child’s ability to qualify for an immigrant visa as an orphan is determined by U.S. law. An adoption by a court decree or comparable order by a competent authority does not automatically qualify a child for an immigrant visa for entry into the United States. The Orphan Definition The consular officer must verify 1) the identity of the child and 2) the child’s status as an “orphan” as defined by the INA. Webster’s Dictionary defines an orphan as “a child whose parents are dead” and a child who meets that definition will indeed be considered an orphan according to U.S. immigration law. The INA, however, also defines an orphan as a child who has no parents due to several other circumstances. Prospective adoptive parents should be aware that U.S. law, and not a foreign court, determines if a particular child qualifies for an orphan visa. As a rule, most children who are in orphanages will qualify as “orphans” whereas children whose parents legally relinquished them to an adoption agency or adoptive parent will not. If there are doubts about a particular child’s eligibility as an orphan, the consular officer cannot approve the petition and must forward the case to BCIS. Filing a Petition The adoptive parents should file the I-600 Petition to Classify an Orphan as an Immediate Relative with the BCIS office having jurisdiction over their place of residence. If the adopting parent(s) have submitted an I-600A Application for Advance Processing to the BCIS and the approval notice has been forwarded to the U.S. Embassy or Consulate in the child’s home country, the parent(s) may file the I-600 in person at that Embassy

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or Consulate. If there is no BCIS office in that country, a consular officer has the authority to approve the I-600, relying upon the approved I-600A as demonstration of the suitability of the prospective adoptive parent(s) and their compliance with any applicable state pre-adoption requirements. Adopted or To-Be-Adopted U.S. law distinguishes between orphans adopted overseas and orphans coming to the United States for adoption. An orphan fully adopted overseas may receive an IR-3 visa. To qualify for an IR-3, the child must also have been seen by both parents prior to or during the adoption proceedings. An orphan who has not been fully adopted, or whose adoptive parents did not see him/her prior to the adoption’s finalization, may receive an IR-4 visa. Any child who enters the U.S. on an IR-4 immigrant visa must be readopted after he/she enters the United States, in accordance with applicable laws of the state in which the family resides. Thus, before an IR-4 visa can be issued, the consular officer must be sure that pre-adoption requirements by the child’s future state of residence have been met. Adoptive parent(s) should determine in advance the requirements of their own particular state of residence. This information is available through the state social services agency or many adoption practitioners. The Medical Examination Every immigrant visa applicant must undergo a physical examination by a physician who has been certified by the U.S. Government (the Centers for Disease Control) for that purpose. The U.S. Embassy or Consulate can provide a list of such physicians within the foreign country. The medical examination focuses primarily on detecting certain serious infectious or contagious diseases or medical disabilities that may be a basis for visa ineligibility. If the child is found to have any of these illnesses or disabilities, the child may still be issued a visa after the illness has been successfully treated, or after a waiver of the visa eligibility is approved by the BCIS. If the physician or the consular official notes that the child has a serious disease or disability, the parents will be notified and asked if they wish to proceed with the child’s immigration. Prospective adoptive parents should not rely on this medical examination to detect all possible medical conditions, and may wish to arrange an additional private medical examination if they have concerns about the child’s health. While the physician conducts the medical examination, the consular officer must complete the I-604 Report on Overseas Orphan Investigation. This report consists of a review of the facts and documents to verify that the child qualifies as an orphan. In addition, the consular officer ensures that the adoptive parents are aware of any medical problems that the medical examination may have uncovered. Only when this report is completed can the consular officer finally approve the I-600 petition and/or immigrant visa.

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Cases Referred to BCIS The authority to approve petitions rests with BCIS. This authority has been delegated to consular officers only in limited circumstances and then only when the case is “clearly approvable.” Occasionally, the I-604 Report does not confirm that the child is an orphan as defined by the INA. In such a case, the consular officer will provide the adoptive parents or their agent with an opportunity to submit additional information. If the outstanding questions can be answered, the case can be completed. If an issue cannot be resolved, however, the consular officer cannot approve the petition and must refer the petition to the appropriate BCIS office for adjudication. When a petition has been referred to BCIS, questions about the status of the case must be addressed to the appropriate office of that agency. Since different BCIS offices can have jurisdiction, it is important to understand to which BCIS office the petition has been referred. Several scenarios may occur: 1. BCIS reviews the documentation and approves (or re-affirms) the petition. The BCIS will then notify the Embassy or Consulate and the consular officer will continue processing of the visa application. 2. BCIS reviews the documents and requests that the consular officer conduct a field investigation to ensure that no fraud or illegal activity was involved. The embassy or consulate conducts the investigation and reports its findings to the BCIS for a final decision. 3. BCIS can deny the petition. If BCIS denies the petition, the adoptive parents can appeal the denial to the BCIS Associate Commissioner for Examinations, Administrative Appeals Office for a legal ruling. Alternatively, adoptive parents can discuss other options with the BCIS office having jurisdiction over their case.*

*In rare and exceptional circumstances, children deemed ineligible for admission to the United States may qualify for “humanitarian parole” and gain entry. Only BCIS has the authority to grant humanitarian parole. IV. Prevention of Adoption Fraud

International adoptions have become a lucrative business because of the huge demand for adoptable children. The combination of people motivated by personal gain and parents desperate to adopt a child under any circumstances, creates the potential for fraudulent adoptions. Take care to avoid these adoption scams. You can avoid the heartache of losing a potentially adoptable child by using only reputable agencies, attorneys, and facilitators. If the answers to your questions appear to be contradictory, vague, or unrealistic, be wary. The consular section in the U.S. Embassy or Consulate in the country of

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planned adoption can provide accurate information concerning local legal practices. If you have problems with agencies or intermediaries in the United States, you should report these concerns immediately to the appropriate state authorities, i.e., your state social services office, District Attorney, Better Business Bureau, or state Attorney General’s office. The BCIS should be notified of these concerns as well. The lack of state regulatory requirements for international adoption agencies in some states has permitted some individuals, inexperienced in the area of foreign adoptions, to set up businesses. Some prospective adoptive parents are charged exorbitant fees. Two common abuses are 1) knowingly offering a supposedly healthy child for adoption who is later found to be seriously ill, and 2) obtaining prepayment for adoption of a nonexistent or ineligible child. In some countries, it is advisable to have the child examined by a physician before completing adoption procedures. This examination is separate from the routine medical examination required after completion of the adoption for visa purposes. Some states have moved to revoke licenses or prosecute the individuals connected with these fraudulent activities after receiving complaints. However, it should be noted that most adoption practitioners in the United States are legitimate professionals with experience in domestic and international adoptions. In the international area, the Department of State consistently takes a strong stand against fraudulent adoption procedures. This policy flows from our general obligation to respect host country laws, to discourage any illegal activities and to avoid the possibility that a country may prohibit international adoptions entirely. The Department of State has unfailingly expressed its support for measures taken by foreign states to reduce adoption abuses. V. Validity of Foreign Adoptions in the United States

In most cases, the formal adoption of a child in a foreign court is legally acceptable in the United States. A U.S. state court, however, is not required to automatically recognize a foreign adoption decree. This does not suggest that the United States does not respect foreign procedures or recognize the authority of the foreign country in relation to the child. Nonetheless, the status of the involved child may be subject to challenge in state court unless an adoption decree is entered in a state in the United States. Many adoption practitioners recommend that the child adopted abroad be re-adopted in a court of his/her state of residence in the United States as a precautionary measure. Following a re-adoption in the state court, parents can request that a state birth certificate be issued. This should be recognized in all other U.S. states. In some instances, re-adoption of the child in the United States is required. This often occurs if the adoptive parent (or only one of a married couple) did not see the child

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prior to or during the adoption proceedings abroad. The child must be readopted in the U.S. in such circumstances, even if a full final adoption decree has been issued in the foreign country.

VI. Automatic Acquisition of U.S. Citizenship for an Adopted Child

How is this possible? On February 27, 2001, the Child Citizenship Act of 2000 became effective. The aim of this law, which, among other things, amends Section 320 of the Immigration and Nationality Act (INA), is to facilitate the automatic acquisition of U.S. citizenship for both biological and adopted children of U.S. citizens who are born abroad and who do not acquire U.S. citizenship at birth. What are the requirements? The following are the Act’s requirements: 1. At least one parent of the child must be a U.S. citizen, either by birth or naturalization. 2. The child must be under the age of 18. 3. In the case of an adopted child, the adoption must be final.


Appendix E: Form I-600A Instructions

(REV. 07/30/07)Y PAGE 6 U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services. Application for Advanced Processing of Orphan Petition: July 30, 2007. http://www.uscis.gov/portal/ site/uscis I have been previously married ___________ time(s). If acquired through parentage, have you obtained a certificate in your own name based on that acquisition? If acquired through naturalization, give name under which naturalized, number of naturalization certificate, and date and place of naturalization. Department of Homeland Security U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services Do not write in this block. For USCIS Use Only. It has been determined that the: Married Unmarried Fee Stamp There are not preadoptive requirements in the State of the child’s proposed residence. The following is a description of the preadoption requirements, if any, of the State of the child’s proposed residence: DATE OF FAVORABLE DETERMINATION DD DISTRICT The preadoption requirements, if any: File number of applicant, if applicable. have been met. have not been met. BLOCK I - Information about the prospective adoptive parent. 1. My name is: (Last) (First) Date and place of present marriage Single (C/O if appropriate) (Apt. No.) (Number and Street) (Town or City) (State) (Zip Code)

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(Apt. No.) (Town or City) (Province) (Country) (mm/dd/yyyy) (State or Province) (Country) 6. My telephone number is: (Include Area Code) Name of present spouse (include maiden name of wife) Date of birth of spouse Place of birth of spouse Number of prior marriages of spouse My spouse resides With me Apart from me (provide address below) (Apt. No.) (No. and Street) (City) (State) Birth Parents Naturalization If not, submit evidence of citizenship. See Instruction 2.a(2). No Yes Married Widowed Divorced Have you or any person through whom you claimed citizenship ever lost I have never been married. United States citizenship? No 4. Address abroad (If any): (Number and Street) prospective adoptive parent will furnish proper care to a beneficiary orphan if admitted to the United States. Yes (If Yes, attach detailed explanation.) (Middle) In: (Town or City) 2. Other names used (including maiden name if appropriate): 3. I reside in the U.S. at: 5. I was born on: 7. My marital status is: 8. If you are now married, give the following information: 9. I am a citizen of the United States through: Please type or print legibly in black ink. This application is made by the named prospective adoptive parent for advance processing of an orphan petition. Received Trans. In Ret’d Trans. Out Completed (mm/dd/yyyy) (mm/dd/yyyy) (Country) OMB No. 1615-0028; Expires 08/31/08 I-600A, Application for Advance Processing of Orphan Petition Form I-600A (Rev. 07-30-07) Y

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BLOCK II - General information. Will the child come to the United States for adoption after compliance with the preadoption requirements, if any, of the State of proposed residence? Name and address of organization or individual assisting you in locating or identifying an orphan (Name) (Address) Yes No Does your spouse, if any, plan to travel abroad to locate or adopt a child? Yes No If the answer to Question 11 or 12 is “Yes,” give the following information: Yes No The USCIS office located at The American Embassy or Consulate at a. Your date of intended departure b. Your spouse’s date of intended departure If “Yes,” how many children do you plan to adopt? c. City, province Certification of prospective adoptive parent. Certification of married prospective adoptive parent spouse. (Signature of Prospective Adoptive Parent) Executed on (Date) Executed on (Date) I certify, under penalty of perjury under the laws of the United States of America, that the foregoing is true and correct and that I will care for an orphan/orphans properly if admitted to the United States. I certify, under penalty of perjury under the laws of the United States of America, that the foregoing is true and correct and that my spouse and I will care for an orphan/orphans properly if admitted to the United States. Yes No 10. 11. Do you plan to travel abroad to locate or adopt a child? 12. 13. 15. If the answer to Question 14 is “No,” will the child be adopted abroad after having been personally seen and observed by you and your spouse, if married? 16. Where do you wish to file your orphan petition? 17. Do you plan to adopt more than one child? (Signature of Prospective Adoptive Parent Spouse) Signature of person preparing form, if other than petitioner. I declare that this document was prepared by me at the request of the petitioner and is based entirely on information of which I have knowledge.

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(Signature) Street Address and Room or Suite No./City/State/Zip Code Executed on (Date) Yes No Form I-600A (Rev. 07/30/07)Y Page 2 14. App G U.S. Department of State. Child Citizenship Act of 2000, http://travel. state.gov/family/adoption/info/info_457.html. The Child Citizenship Act of 2000 allows certain foreign-born, biological and adopted children of American citizens to acquire American citizenship automatically. These children did not acquire American citizenship at birth, but they are granted citizenship when they enter the United States as lawful permanent residents (LPRs). What Are the Requirements of the Child Citizenship Act of 2000? The child must meet the following requirements: • Have at least one American citizen parent by birth or naturalization; • Be under 18 years of age; • Live in the legal and physical custody of the American citizen parent; and • Be admitted as an immigrant for lawful permanent residence.

In addition, if the child is adopted, the adoption must be full and final. What Is the Effective Date of the Child Citizenship Act? The effective date of the Child Citizenship Act is February 27, 2001. Children who met these requirements on that date automatically became American citizens. Children who were 18 years of age or older on that date did not acquire American citizenship from the Child Citizenship Act of 2000. What Happens When the Child is Adopted in the United States? A child who enters the United States on an IR4 visa (to be adopted in the United States) will acquire American citizenship when the adoption is full and final in the United States. How Does a Child Show Lawful Permanent Residence? A child who has lawful permanent residence (LPR status) will have a permanent resident card (green card). Another way to show LPR status is the I-551 stamp in the child’s passport. This stamp shows the child has entered the United States on an immigrant visa and/or has been admitted as a lawful permanent resident. Must the Child Get a Certificate of Citizenship? You do not have to apply for a certificate of citizenship for your child. If you want to apply for a certificate, please go to How to Get a Certificate of Citizenship for your Child for instructions.

Appendix E

185

How Does the Child Get a Passport Under the Child Citizenship Act? You will need the following when the child applies for a passport: • Proof of the child’s relationship to the American citizen parent. For the biological child of the American citizen this will be a certified copy of the foreign birth certificate (and translation if not in English). For an adopted child, it is a certified copy of the final adoption decree (and translation if not in English); • The child’s foreign passport showing the Bureau of Citizenship and Immigration Services in the Department of Homeland Security (USCIS) I-551 stamp in the passport, or the child’s permanent resident card (green card); • Proof of identity of the American citizen parent(s); • Passport application, passport photographs and fees. Go to Passport Services for forms and full instructions.

Can My Child Get a Birth Certificate (Consular Report of Birth Abroad or CROBA) from the Embassy or Consulate? No. Only a child who acquired citizenship at birth can get a birth certificate from an embassy or consulate. What Are the Other Provisions of the Child Citizenship Act? Another section of the Child Citizenship Act provides that children (biological or adopted) of American citizens who are born and reside abroad, and who do not become American citizens at birth can apply to the United States Citizenship and Immigration Service (USCIS) in the Department of Homeland Security for a certificate of citizenship if the following conditions are met. • At least one parent of the child is an American citizen by birth or naturalization. • The American citizen parent has been physically present in the United States for a total of at least five years, at least two of which are after the age of 14. If the child’s American citizen parent cannot meet the physical presence requirement, it is enough if one of the child’s American citizen grandparents can meet it. • The child is under the age of eighteen. • The child lives abroad in the legal and physical custody of the American citizen parent and has been lawfully admitted into the United States as a nonimmigrant.

Children who acquire citizenship under this new provision do not acquire citizenship automatically. They must apply to the United States Citizenship and Immigration Service in the Department of Homeland Security and go through the naturalization process.


Index

address changes, 28–29 adjustment period, 131–35 adoption agencies, accredited, 7. See also New Hope Christian Services adoption fraud prevention, 177–78 ambivalent attachment, 136 Application of Advance Processing of Orphan Petition (I-600 A), 21–31, 175–76 attachment bonding, 141–42 attachment disorders, 135–38; the brain and, 140; repairing, 138–43 “attachment parenting,” 141–42 attachment, pre-adoption, 5, 116 avoidant attachment, 136 biological family, 4 biometric services, 27–28. See also fingerprinting books, adoption, 107–11 Bureau of Citizenship and Immigration Services (BCIS), 172–73, 174–76, 177 catch-up growth, 118 Child Citizenship Act of 2000, 95 child development, 143–44. See also Eastern European Growth Project Child Welfare Information Gateway, 104 Colorado Heritage Camp, 146–48 Committee on Employment and Social Security of the People, 8 costs, 9. See also fees

court hearings, 8–9, 66–70, 126–27 criminal history, 25 cultural appreciation, 146–48, 148–51 customs, 52 decision to adopt, components of, 1–7 Deg Moroz, 151 diet, 91 disorganized attachment, 136 document requirements, 8, 20–21. See also Application of Advance Processing of Orphan Petition (I-600 A) domestic adoption, 2 donations, 51–52, 115 Eastern European Growth Project, 117–18 8-Point Medical, 46 eligibility requirements, 9–10, 22 emotional issues, 5, 116–17. See also attachment, pre-adoption ethnic identity, 3 Euro Med Clinic, 45 exposure age, 143 fees: biometric service, 28; filing, 26–28 fingerprinting, 27–28, 30–31 foreign adoption validity, 178–79 funding resources, 52–54 grief, 116 “Holy Supper,” 150–51 home study, 24, 25, 29–34; of persons living abroad, 25–26

188 Immediate Relative Visa (IR-3), 95 immigration patterns, 11 immigration requirements, 165 infertility treatments, 1–2 InfoPass, 31 insecure attachment, 135–37 international adoption, 2–5, 104–5; complications of, 40–41; U. S. Department of State and, 169–79 internet resources, 6–7, 34 Listserv, 6–7, 36 marriage status, 24 medical examinations: for children, 45–46, 100–101, 176; for adoptive parents, 46 medical records, copies of, 91 Ministry of Education (MOE), 41–42 names, 4 New Hope Christian Services, 8–11; application form, 13–16 1917 Revolution, 149 notarization, 20 “Notice of Action,” 31 Office of Children’s Issues, 169–70 Orphan Petition. See Application of Advance Processing of Orphan Petition (I-600 A); Petition to Classify Orphan as an Immediate Relative (I-600) orphan registration, 166 orphanages, 2, 35–36, 42–43, 121; directory of Russian, 71–90 paperwork, 2, 21–30. See also questionnaires; post-placement reports Paperwork Reduction Act, 31 parent alcohol exposure, 118, 137 parenting and secure attachment, 141–43 penalties for false documentation, 38 Petition to Classify Orphan as an Immediate Relative (I-600), 26, 175–76 physical examinations. See medical examinations post-placement reports, 91–95 pre-adoption requirements, 22–23 questionnaires, 17–20

Index Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD), 137–38 re-adoption, 96, 105 referrals, 8 requirements. See eligibility requirements; immigration requirements; pre-adoption requirements Russian adoption process, 8–11. See also court hearings; waiting period, ten day Russian alphabet, 55 Russian Christmas, 149–51 Russian/Eastern European/Central Asian Camp (REECA), 147 Russian language, 55–62 Russian letters, 56–57 Russian New Year, 151–52 Russian Orthodox Church, 149 Russian Ties Program, 148–49 Russian traditional food, 150–51 secure attachment, 140–43 street children, 37 stunted physical growth, 118 supporting documents. See document requirements travel, 62–63; packing for, 36 U.S. birth certificates, 105–6 U.S. citizenship, 2, 95–96, 166–68, 179; proof of, 23–24. See also U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services (USCIS) U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services (USCIS), 23, 25–30; forms and information, 33–34 U.S. Department of Justice, 30 U.S. Department of State and international adoption, 169–79 U.S. immigration requirements, 165 visas: application for, 165; Immediate Relative, 95; orphan immigrant, 6, 173–75, 176; Russian, 54 visiting Sergei, 43–48, 66 visiting Vitalij, 123–24, 125–26 waiting period, ten day, 65 waiting time, 54, 62 web site funding resources, 52–54 Yahoo groups, 6–7 yolka (Christmas tree), 151

About the Author ALISA WHITE KARWOWSKI is a guidance counselor and licensed counselor in private practice. An advocate for Russian and other international adoptions, she leads adoption workshops for prospective and adoptive parents and their families. She is married and lives in New Hampshire with her husband, Tim, and two sons adopted from Russia, Jack and Charlie.

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