Discretion Optional

Abigail Wright has a complicated life. Lead singer, rising star and just possibly, the descendant of an angel. Abby’s many commitments are challenged with the addition of the enigmatic Ian Preiss who has taken over the role of band manager for Avalon Nights. Combine this with the fact that she very well may be falling in love with dashing reporter David Pike, the future is not exactly certain. Filled with pop culture references, a light hearted tone and an honest romance borne of the soul, Discretion Optional continues the tale where Dry Spells & Divinity left off. As answers come to light, will Abby follow her dreams or embrace traditions she never knew existed?

The unauthorized reproduction or distribution of this copyrighted work is illegal. Criminal copyright infringement, including infringement without monetary gain, is investigated by the FBI and is punishable by up to 5 years in federal prison and a fine of $250,000. Please purchase only authorized electronic editions, and do not participate in or encourage the electronic piracy of copyrighted materials. Your support of the author’s rights is appreciated. This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental. Discretion Optional Copyright © 2012 Caitlin West ISBN: 978-1-77111-070-9 Cover art by Angela Waters All rights reserved. Except for use in any review, the reproduction or utilization of this work in whole or in part in any form by any electronic, mechanical or other means, now known or hereafter invented, is forbidden without the written permission of the publisher. Published by Devine Destinies An imprint of eXtasy Books Look for us online at: www.devinedestinies.com

Discretion Optional Avalon Nights 2 By Caitlin West

To all musicians who make it but maintain their sense of normalcy, morality and character. This book was inspired by you.

Prologue

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ans of Avalon Nights rejoice! The band’s seventh studio CD Tragedy of Dreams will hit store shelves and digital media sites this Tuesday. Early reviews have been positive and chances are good that they’ll enjoy another hit in their catalog. We caught up with singer Abigail Wright and here’s what she had to say about the title of the CD. “We were talking about sleep one night, carrying on about all the wonder that you can reclaim when you dream. It’s like being a child again, experiencing imagination in all its glory. There are people who would kill to have that back again, but we only get it for a short time. Eight hours and it’s all over. “There’s a bit of Peter Pan in me that refuses to grow up entirely, but even so, there’s enough misery to make it hard to always follow your bliss. I guess I’m saying that the tragedy of dreams is that you have to wake up to reality. The world might not totally suck, but it sure could be a lot 1

Caitlin West more beautiful.” —MTV2 News Spot

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Discretion Optional

Chapter 1 Uneasy Silence

I

’ve lived in Seattle too long. I woke up this morning because something bright hit my face and made me recoil like Nosferatu. Hi sun, try knocking first next time. —Abby’s Facebook. Sometimes, life feels like one long dream. Modern media is full of moments that seem too crazy to be real. I’ve shaken my head at a news article or television spot plenty of times, unable to believe that what I just witnessed wasn’t staged. I’ve had to pause and look around for cameras more than I’d care to admit. The absurdity of what has happened in my life makes me wonder if I’m the target of a cosmic version of Ashton Kutcher and somewhere out there, I’m a recurring guest on Celestial TV’s Divine Punk’d. When Ian walked into the room at Doug’s call, I 3

Caitlin West wanted to look high and low for the production crew waiting to capture my expression. I wouldn’t have been more surprised if Roger Rabbit swaggered in and waggled his brows at me. Oddly enough, an animated bunny wasn’t nearly as scary as whatever Ian was. “Glad to have you,” Wyatt said, shaking our new manager’s hand. “It’ll be nice to work with a professional for a change.” Ian had already made the rounds, pausing before me with a benign smile and his hand out. “I’m a big fan of yours, Ms Wright,” He said smoothly. I gripped his hand and pulled away quickly. “I look forward to helping you achieve your potential.” I didn’t like the double meaning in his statement and had to fight back the urge to say something snarky. If I started in on him right there, then I’d be airing my dirty laundry to the whole band. They knew a lot about me, but my father’s involvement in a secret organization of angels was a little more than I wanted to explain. As if I could. “I’m sure you are,” I muttered, willing my eye not to twitch. “Didn’t we want to practice or something, guys?” “Yeah, we were going to run through some songs for you before we talked about the tour a bit, Ian,” Doug said. “If you could take a seat, 4

Discretion Optional we’ll jump in.” “That sounds fantastic.” Ian lounged on our sofa and I resented him his comfort. He was acting like he owned the place. You could at least be respectful, you jerk. I sang with more passion than finesse. Angry tracks sounded like I was marching to war and sad songs took on a psychotic, chilling edge. After forty minutes, we paused and everyone stood in silence for a while. Wyatt cleared his throat finally and stood up from the drums. “That was some performance, Abby,” He said softly, just loud enough to be heard. “I’m not sure I’ve heard you sing that way before.” “Definitely inspiring.” Jack’s smile was nervous, as if he was unsure of what would be tactful to say. “I hope you don’t plan to do that for the shows.” Doug’s two cents, as always, erred on the side of the music. I rolled my eyes at him. I spoke up before Sammy could come up with some token phrase. “Listen, I’m not trying to be a diva or weird. I was just venting. I’ll be my normal self on stage.” “I thought it was quite fascinating,” Ian said. His arm was sprawled over the back of the couch. “It was a new side of your personality and one that we don’t get to see very often. I’ve watched several of your YouTube performances and the 5

Caitlin West closest you got was in Miami back in twothousand-three.” I remembered what he was talking about. Just twenty minutes before I went on stage I found out that my grandfather was in the hospital. I didn’t want to seem distracted so I overcompensated. The performance was considered one of our most intense, but definitely not the best. “Wow, you really did your homework,” Sammy said. “So what’s next?” “Next, I’d like a chance to go over the schedule and draw up some logistics,” Ian replied. “If Mr. Collins would be generous enough to email them to me, I could get started right away. That is…if you all don’t mind.” His eyes fell on me. God damn you, Ian. Everyone else stood there in uneasy silence. I felt like they were waiting on me, but I wondered if I was just being sensitive. It wouldn’t be the first time. Early on in our musical collaboration, one of my fatal flaws was thinking that everything was about me. That little bit of insecurity was annoying to everyone involved. “If the job’s done well,” I muttered. “I don’t care who does it. We don’t see them much anyway.” A collective sigh seemed to leave the room as the others seemed to lose all the tension in their 6

Discretion Optional shoulders. “I’m hoping that Ian will be more involved than Allen was,” Doug said. The grin on his face was new. He never smiled like that, and the way he was bouncing on the balls of his feet, it was like Santa really came through for him. “Trial basis.” Jack’s tone was more guarded than Doug’s. “You know, probation period. Do you mind that being in the contract?” “I’d expect nothing less.” Ian stood up. “Shall we reconvene here in the morning for paperwork, Mr. Collins? I can get started that afternoon.” “Sounds fantastic to me.” Doug gestured. “Let me escort you out.” “No,” I spoke up quickly. “I’ll walk Mr. Preiss out.” “Really?” Doug’s brows shot up. “I insist.” I paced over and took Ian’s arm gently in both hands. Before anyone could protest, I led him through the door and out into the hallway. “That was dramatic,” Ian practically whispered. “Don’t you think that it will create some gossip?” “I don’t give a damn,” I muttered back. “What are you doing? How did you convince Doug to hire you for this? I don’t want anything to do with your weird Sphere/Pillar nonsense so you should really quit before you even start!” “That seems a bit harsh.” Ian glanced over his 7

Caitlin West shoulder as we reached the outer door. “I mean, they seemed to like me and really, you should give me another chance. I was an ass the first time we met I admit, but I can help you.” “Help me with what?” I rasped, shoving the door open. “Lose my mind?” “Abigail,” I cringed when he said my proper name. “I’m being serious now. Even if you don’t want to embrace what we talked about, you’ll attract the supernatural for a while. Some good, some bad, but they’ll come to you for help or to hurt you depending on their motivations.” “What’re you trying to say, that I’m a weirdness magnet?” “I’m trying to say that I’m not here to harass you or make you miserable.” Ian sighed. “I’m here to protect you.” “Really.” I folded my arms over my chest. “From the supernatural?” “Yes.” “And you think that I’m honestly in danger?” Ian nodded. “Especially when you start to travel.” My eyes went wide. “What about the others?” “Yes, them, too. Anyone close to you will be in trouble for a while.” “That’s a lot to take in,” I said, turning to pace. “This sucks! Even if I don’t participate, I’m stuck in it anyway!” 8

Discretion Optional “It doesn’t last forever,” Ian replied. “Eventually, the potential will go away and with it, the problems…and me.” “I still don’t understand why you want to help me.” “Let’s just say that your father gave me the benefit of the doubt once. I never had the opportunity to repay him before he…died.” He looked at me for a long moment, his eyes shining in the fading daylight. “I’m sorry this is so strange and I promise not to make you uncomfortable, but please, let me have the chance to keep you safe.” “Aren’t my friends going to figure all this out? I haven’t told them about any of it.” “We’ll do our best to keep it quiet,” Ian replied. “But if they find out, then at least they’ll be prepared for what might happen.” “I must be out of my mind.” I put my hands on the back of my neck, turning away. “But alright…for now, I’ll trust you. I really hope that you’re being honest with me.” “I am.” Ian’s relief came out with a deep breath. “I appreciate your candor and faith. You won’t regret it.” “I need to finish this rehearsal.” I gestured back at the door. “But um…should I…you know…worry about anything?” “Not yet,” Ian replied. “Your aura’s still too subtle to attract anything scary. Just…if you do see 9

Caitlin West anything, give me a call. You’ve got my number.” “I’ll do that.” I started back toward the door. “Thank you, Ian. I know how frustrating I can be so…thanks for not giving up. Especially if all this turns out to be true.” I waited for a response before opening the door, pausing…glancing back. He was already gone. “Really?” I muttered. “Cause that kind of spookiness is not at all disconcerting. It seems I’ve got a lot to get used to.”

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Discretion Optional

Chapter 2 Moral High Ground

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ost hated pick up line ever: hey babe, are you Miss Wright? Or Miss Right Now? —Abby’s Twitter

The rest of rehearsal was much better mostly because I didn’t sound like a Celine Dion clone spliced with the DNA of an asthmatic cat. I was able to forget about what Ian had said and relax into the performances, enjoying the chance to get lost in the familiar melodies. Wyatt had an appointment in the morning so he took off right when we finished. Jack and Doug wanted to shop for gear online and went off to one of the offices in the building. I flopped on the couch and deflated there, staring at the ceiling until my vision blurred. Sammy’s face was suddenly directly above me and she startled me so that I sat up too quickly for 11

Caitlin West her to move. Our foreheads connected with an audible smack and we let out a chorus of profanity at one another. “What the hell are you doing?” I rubbed my head. “Looking to see if you were still alive,” She replied, moving over to take a seat on the drum throne. “You’ve been acting weird since that Ian guy showed up. I was concerned until you gave me the people’s forehead.” “The term’s the people’s elbow. All I did was head-butt you.” “There’s no fancy wrestling term for that?” “You’re lucky I know about the elbow! It’s not like I’m at home swooning over sweaty muscular men that probably pop steroids like they’re Skittles and follow a prefab script for ass kicking.” Sammy smirked at the comment. “That was a little mean.” “That’s what happens when my brain gets jostled.” “So are you going to tell me what’s wrong?” I could’ve reminded her about Ian from the performance the other night, but something stopped me. She was a very good and protective friend. If she knew that he was the guy that caused me so much grief in such a short period of time, she would go to Doug and insist that we not hire him. 12

Discretion Optional Maybe I was crazy, but I believed what Ian had told me in the parking lot. Whether or not he was truly qualified to be our manager, he had found a clever way to be close by without things getting weird. If what he suggested was true and there were things that might come after me, firing him would make it very hard for him to help. “I don’t know.” I settled on misdirection. “I mean, I guess I’m just a little stressed out right now. I didn’t expect that we’d be replacing Allen like that and then we’ve got the tour that we’re preparing for and the CD is about to come out…” “And you’ve got a new guy in your life,” Sammy said. “Dating seems to make you crazy.” “It does not! David’s not part of the problem. He made me feel at ease and relaxed. It was a great time!” “And I bet you’ve been thinking about him all day. Did you call him?” “While we were at the salon, yeah.” “Ah ha! So you’re distracted by the dating.” Sammy’s eyes narrowed as a smug expression settled over her face. “That’s the answer to everything.” If only I could tell you the real reason that I’m distracted. “I don’t think that’s the case, but if it was, then I guess it’s okay.” I hesitated, turning away from her to hide a blush. “Maybe we’ll become 13

Caitlin West exclusive and then he’ll propose to me and we’ll have three kids.” Sammy huffed a laugh that sounded suspiciously like a snort. “Yeah, right.” “What?” I glared at her. “You don’t think I’d be a good mother?” “The truth?” “Please.” “Hell no!” “What?” “You heard me! Remember when we first started to record Tragedy and that sound engineer brought in his daughter for a few minutes?” I groaned when she started in on this story. “You came out of the bathroom and saw her wriggling on the couch and thought it was a dog. When it turned out it wasn’t a terrier, you looked freaked out and hid out in the iso booth.” “Jesus, I said I was sorry to the guy! I didn’t mean to…I just…” “Have the maternal instincts of a rock?” Sammy offered. “It’s true. So maybe the other stuff will happen, but that whole three kids thing will take a while.” “When I was in college, I held a friend’s baby and it threw up on my favorite shirt,” I said. “Since then I’ve been afraid to go near them.” Sammy stood up. “Anyway, I think you just pulled a misdirection on me and didn’t actually 14

Discretion Optional say what was wrong with you.” Wow, she knows me way too well. “I know you way too well for you to get away with that.” Damn it! “So when you’re ready to talk, call me.” She stepped closer and leaned down to put her hand on my arm. “I’ll be offended if you don’t tell me soon you know.” “I do.” Sammy had always been observant around me, even when we barely knew each other. I wondered if I wore my emotions on my sleeve, but she was the only one that caught on to my moods and traumas. A lot of people thought I was unflappable or in some cases, outright cold. I was grateful to have such a friend, but keeping secrets was nearly impossible. The dilemma was that once she knew I was holding something back, I started to feel like there was no point in hiding it anymore. Besides, Sammy was the last person in the world that would hurt me so there was no danger in sharing private matters with her. I just liked to avoid the occasional scolding I received. She was, after all, vastly more practical than I was. It didn’t make her superior, but it definitely gave her a moral high ground that I rarely had the privilege of speaking from. 15

Caitlin West “C’mon,” Sammy interrupted my thoughts, patting me on the hand. “Let’s get you home. You look exhausted.”

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Discretion Optional

Chapter 3 Surreal

I

didn’t realize I was singing out loud in line at the grocery store today. The woman behind me said Don’t quit your day job, honey. If only she knew who I was, that would’ve been a great compliment. —Abby’s Facebook I woke with a gasp, my heart pounding hard in my chest. Sweat made the sheets cling to my knees, and for half a minute, I felt trapped. It took all of my willpower to remain calm and not throw all my blankets on the floor in a fit of panic. The clock said it was ten after one in the morning. I groaned and covered my eyes. The room was cool and I instantly regretted exposing more skin than was necessary. A chill danced through my spine and I curled my feet involuntarily, drawing up into a ball. Do I have a fever? The bed was soaked and I 17

Caitlin West wanted to move, but the sheets all around me were too cold to touch. I sat there miserable for nearly twenty minutes before I worked up the nerve to do something about my sorry state. I pulled off my pajamas under the covers and dried my skin with the comforter. I was still cold, but at least the chilly room wouldn’t turn me into a walking goose bump with chattering teeth anymore. The bathroom was half a room away and there, I could find some warmth. I’d sleep in the guest room after I had soaked in hot water. Hopefully, it would calm me down enough to relax again. The carpet tickled my feet as I dashed out of bed and across the room. The heat lamp didn’t do as much as I had hoped, but as soon as the water was running and steam was coming out of the tub, I started to feel a little better. I won’t die from a chill tonight after all. I turned to the mirror and frowned at the person looking back at me. My hair was a serious mess, askew and wild about my head. Sunken eyes were bloodshot and exhausted, contributing to the worn look of my sunken cheeks and pale lips. I looked sick, but felt mostly fine, just a little sleepy. What the hell is wrong with me? I rubbed my eyes hard and looked at my reflection again. Nothing changed except that it took a few seconds for my 18

Discretion Optional vision to fade back in from the darkness. Maybe I just really need this damn bath. I crawled in when the tub was half full and sunk as low as I could. Submerging in the heat made my skin tingle and I let out an involuntary sigh. Even as the water stimulated my senses, the change in temperature calmed my nerves and the familiarity of that posture allowed me to relax completely. Without the distraction of being cold and miserable, I was able to think back to what woke me up. It wasn’t the cold or the sweat, but a bad dream. Details were fleeting and I was forgetting the images as quickly as I realized they were what had tormented me in my sleep. I’d had plenty of terrible nightmares before, but this time it was special. This time the dreams were so vivid, they’d felt real. Ridiculous. I took another deep breath and let it out along with all the tension in my muscles. It was just another dream brought on by stress. There was nothing special about it at all. Maybe if I keep telling myself that, I could believe it before I go back to bed. Was the dream important enough to rack my brain over and try to remember? Would it benefit me somehow to know? I was willing to bet that it was some sick serial killer nightmare where 19

Caitlin West someone was butchering me as if I was Angus victim, ready to be served up to a pack of cannibals. Yeah, keep thinking along those lines. You’ll definitely sleep better with that visual fresh in your mind. Some facts came unbidden to my mind. My father came up in the dream and I saw a man with wings flying fast along a sand dune. The two different visions were timeless, leaving no clues as to when exactly they were going on. I closed my eyes tightly, trying to draw any conclusions about what I’d seen, but I couldn’t quite grab an epiphany. Forty minutes later, the water was getting tepid and I figured it was long past time that I get to bed. I let out a mighty yawn that caused my jaw to pop, crawled out of the bathtub and grabbed a full body towel. After ensuring that I was encased from shoulders to ankles like a mummy, I wriggled my arm free to drain the water. When I heard it tumbling down the drain, I wandered out of my bedroom and down the hall to the nearest guest room. It hadn’t been used in a while, but the last time the maid was over, she had changed the bedding. I cranked on the heat and crawled under the blankets naked. Pajamas were an extra effort I was 20

Discretion Optional way too tired to indulge. When I closed my eyes, my breathing fell into a heavy rhythm moments later. Sleep danced on the edges of my conscious mind, casually closing in until I drifted off. A surreal landscape opened before me and for the first time I could ever remember, I knew I was dreaming. Most of the time I simply accepted whatever oddity my brain threw my way, but now I felt like an intruder in my own subconscious, a voyeur who shouldn’t be seeing the things presented to me. I saw a tempest brewing on the horizon and off to the right, a violent sea thrashed like a restless monster rousing from a long sleep. Dusty rocks surrounded me, the jagged edges bit into my bare feet. I was naked in these elements, the breeze tickling my skin, but it wasn’t cold enough to make me miserable. I knew I should’ve put on pajamas. A man came out of the storm, walking with a stiff, proud gait. He was armed with a wicked looking sword, which he held in his right hand, the tip pointed away from him. The blade was longer than my leg with a serrated top and curved edge. He was still a silhouette, but I could make out some details. His body was covered by piecemeal plate armor. The left shoulder had a massive spiked pad where the other was bare. Boots came 21

Caitlin West high and covered the knees in the front while wrapping low around the sides. His long hair was caught up in the wind, flowing to the side like he was a living fantasy painting. Wait, why is he coming this way? It would take him some time to get to me, but what happens when he got here? That nasty looking weapon was not designed for cuddling. Was it meant for me or some other purpose? Self-preservation suggested that waiting around to find out was a bad plan. I turned to flee and stopped so suddenly, I nearly toppled off the cliff behind me. The chasm yawned before me, the bottom lost to a swirling mist some dozens of yards down. Why the hell is my dream so inconvenient? I turned around to see how much progress my potential attacker had made and let out an involuntary scream. He was standing three feet in front of me. I thought the armor was tinted red, but quickly realized that it was only because it had been splattered with blood. The sword showed signs of recent use as unspeakable gunk clung to the edge. I lifted my head to look into his face and gasped. The man before me was a long-haired version of my father. The happy expression I’d seen in the photo 22

Discretion Optional David had given was not reflected by the stern visage that peered down at me. I trembled, making a feeble effort to cover myself for the sake of modesty. His gaze made me feel inadequate as if I had already been judged and discounted. “You’ve grown.” The way he spoke sounded as if he was surprised. The English accent was unexpected as was the purity of his voice. It was musical. “You should be ready.” “For what?” I bit my lip at the end of my frightened question. I knew the answer and didn’t want a reminder. “There are things that you can avoid in life, Abigail,” he said. “Some of them you might regret and others you’ll be pleased you left behind. What I’ve left is bigger than anything you could imagine. Do not so casually ignore it. A precious few have the ability to save the world, and fewer still have the opportunity.” “I didn’t ask for that!” I grew some nerve and scowled at him. “And you have no right to tell me what I have to do! No one does!” “That is true.” He nodded. “But then many do things they do not have the right to do. Make sure you consider your decision carefully.” I was about to say something when I heard a rustling behind him. Massive white wings extended out from his back as if they were stretching into place. The span was nearly twice 23

Caitlin West my height and the shadow they cast from the bizarre light bathed me in awe. “I will leave you to make up your mind.” He crouched low and when he leaped up, the wings pressed down hard. I was buffeted by the gust and stumbled back, flailing to regain my balance. I felt myself fall before my feet left the rocks. Weightlessness consumed me, which was quickly replaced by nausea. I continued to flail through the free fall, letting out a scream as I turned in place to stare down. The mist rapidly approached and seemed to reach out for me. The depth seemed to be eternal as if I was falling all the way to hell. The fog was damp when I plunged into it, covering my skin in a cold, moist residue. I couldn’t see anything. There was nothing to indicate when I would hit the bottom, no sound of whistling or sense of impending impact. Even my scream had become soundless. Every bone in my body would be crushed in a bizarre vacuum that engulfed all my senses, building the anticipation of the inevitable. Panic flirted with denial and for the briefest moment, I remembered that I was in a dream. Rationality failed. Imagination advanced. A vision of my mangled body flooded my mind. Broken on the uneven ground, shattered beyond 24

Discretion Optional recognition, dead for failing to live up to some wild expectations created by my father. The ultimate conclusion to an unbelievable turn of events. I wrapped my arms tightly about myself, tucking into a ball. My hair covered my face as I willed myself to breathe, counting seconds as I prepared for the end. One… Two… Three…

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Caitlin West

Chapter 4 Interpretation

T

abloid headline: Abigail Wright killing herself with fad diet. Hm, ice cream and chocolate probably doesn’t qualify. Maybe they meant to write fat diet in which case, what a way to go. —Abby’s Facebook Forty-two. The initial contact with the ground woke me up instantly. I was spared all the gory details and psychological trauma. At the last moment, I could hear again, the wind hissing in my ears and an odd Doppler whistle that grew louder as I approached the rocks. I sat upright in my bed with a harsh gasp. My throat was dry and I was covered in sweat again. Probably started when I fell through that weird mist. At least I wasn’t cold this time around. That was a small favor I was thankful for even as I fought to 26

Discretion Optional maintain my composure after the harsh dream. Why do I remember the dream this time, but the first one is just gone? The question was a lot easier to focus on than the last few moments of my sleep. What significance does any of it have? A friend of mine in college loved dream analysis. As a psychology major, she believed that there was something to learn when the subconscious mind so forcefully pushed a point. Most of the time, her explanations came back to anxiety or stress, but I hadn’t heeded this too much back then. I was always having a blast in school. We lost contact after graduation, but I maintained a casual interest in the field. What that really meant was that I knew what web sites to visit and what information to type in to get some hits that meant something. Usually, this stuff was vague and so open to interpretation that anything that a reader wanted a dream to mean, it could. There was wiggle room to guess things based on what was happening in life at the moment. I wondered if it would even be worth checking the usual sources or if I could just take the message at face value. Obviously the conversation with my father was not very subtle. Was it just my imagination making stuff up or could I consider this one of the supernatural things that Ian warned me about? 27

Caitlin West The tempest, the cliff and the wild sea—all might have some evidence explaining what was going on in my head. Was it supposed to mean that my life was chaotic and that my position felt precarious? Perhaps the meaning went deeper than the superficial and touched on what Ian was saying. Another possibility was that it all symbolized change. This could have been part of my own alteration, physical or spiritual. The storm might have been ready to consume me while the sea resembled the defiance of the old at war with the potentially new. The fall had some relevance as well. I wasn’t fully in control of my identity and not to be too vulgar with my interpretation, it felt as though I was falling into Ian’s world. It was simple, but complication didn’t mean things were more accurate. Extra facts just muddied the water. I went for a run in the predawn light. The chill felt amazing on my face and chased away the lingering effects of the dream. My usual loop was three miles and ended back at the house. I typically used that time to think, but that morning I preferred to focus on the workout, pushing myself every time my mind wandered. When I got back to the house, I was winded but invigorated. This time the sweat had a positive connotation. 28

Discretion Optional The sun tickled the horizon and I paused on the porch, watching for a while. The sky changed from blue to purple to golden orange. Clouds sauntered along in a slow motion version of the storm in my dream. I was captivated by the splendor of it, staring until my eyes watered. When the sun finally peaked the top of its head, I turned away to go inside. Sweating for exercise was okay but getting cold standing on the porch sucked. It wasn’t until I had coffee brewing and the shower started before I realized that it was Friday. No rehearsal, no obligations, no distractions—just a date at a reasonable hour with David. Practically suggested that I needed to research my dream and understand what was going on. I was probably being irresponsible putting it off, perhaps even reckless. The ominous message from my father didn’t stop the fact that I wanted to let all of this craziness go. Was I just being stubborn for no reason? Maybe, but if this path was inevitable someone was going to have to prove it to me and their arguments had to be damn convincing. Until then, I had a night out to plan.

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Caitlin West

Chapter 5 Pass for Cute

M

y nonmusical inspirations are anime, foreign assassin movies, and guilty pleasure vampire novels. My Avalon Nights thing isn’t just a job, folks. This is my calling…along with melodrama and cheese apparently. —Abby’s Facebook I busied myself with trivialities throughout the day. Bills were paid, emails answered, all social media sites updated, and I got through the lion’s share of fan mail that had been sent since the last show. Everything was taken care of by noon, which didn’t bode well for the fact that I had been trying to kill time. Next I cranked on the TV and watched a few DVDs, watching the clock with the same intensity that I did through middle school geography. If I could will the hands to move faster I definitely 30

Discretion Optional would have. All the sighing and shifting around on the couch made me feel like a love sick teenager in the midst of deep pining. Pull yourself together and relax! Much as I wanted to simply enjoy another great evening with David, I wanted to tell him what I had learned. I was certain that he would be interested in the turn of events and perhaps I could even talk about the dream without him looking at me like I’d grown a second head. Eventually I fell asleep in an awkward position that proved to be the bane of my neck the second I woke up. I stretched and winced, fighting disorientation to figure out what time it was and how long I’d been out. The clock read five o’clock. It took roughly five minutes for panic to set in. He’ll be here in less than an hour! Most of the time oversleeping wasn’t a big deal. The band set up our schedule in such a way that there was plenty of time to stay up all night and still get enough rest. The rare times I was expected to be up before noon were problems, but napping was murder. If I had plans, I tried not to nap because when it happened out of the blue, I ended up in a desperate rush. The shower was quick since I had already bathed earlier. I needed to get my hair wet to battle the electric socket look I was sporting. The hot water helped wake me up, but did nothing to 31

Caitlin West settle my nerves. Every ounce of heightened awareness was immediately dedicated to the clock and how fast time was flying. Out of the tub, I threw on a pair of black slacks and Victorian style boots. For the top, I picked a black blouse with French cuffs and a different vest with tiny pinstripes. Thus adorned, I sat down to tackle my make-up with barely quarter till six. I decided to keep things subtle with a mauve lipstick and light shadow for the eyes. When I finished, I had managed to offset the severity of my pale complexion and made my eyes really sparkle. Hair was another matter entirely and after drying it, I decided that I’d just tie it back and let the front be wild. It wasn’t quite as simple as it sounded and twenty bobby pins later, I felt as close to secure in the style as I was going to get. The look exposed my neck and ears while drawing attention to the curves of my face in the frame of long, raven locks. I stepped into the bedroom and looked at myself in the full length mirror, admiring the overall result of my efforts. It wasn’t my best work, but I couldn’t complain too much, except for the fact that I just happened to pick an all-black outfit. Would it look somber or chic? I couldn’t tell. Maybe it was just eccentric enough to pass for cute. 32

Discretion Optional Or like a teenage Goth shopping for a black light. I considered changing, but a knock at the door perished the thought. The clock read five-fifty. When I opened the door, someone could’ve knocked me over with a feather. The silly grin on my face and the bounce in my step both disappeared instantly. The man at my door was not David, but instead Ian, dressed in his high class European style with that wild blond hair. “Good evening, Abby.” He went so far as to nod his head like a little bow. “Is now a bad time?” “Yeah, it really is!” I couldn’t remotely hide my exasperation. “I’m expecting someone any minute and it wouldn’t do for you to be here when he shows up!” “Why not?” Ian smirked. “It’s not as if we have some intimacy to hide. I was hoping we could talk more about what we discussed in the parking lot.” “Sure, just…just not now. Seriously, someone’s going to be here soon.” “I’ll go,” Ian said, “but before I do, I wanted to warn you that you might start having dreams soon. Really bad ones and if you do, you should tell me about it.” “Why?” I asked, my eyes narrow. “What’s so special about them?” “You’ve already had one, haven’t you?” 33

Caitlin West “Maybe.” “This isn’t the time to be coy!” “Hey!” I put my hands on my hips. “Don’t get that way with me. I’m the victim here, remember? I don’t want to go through whatever this is so cut me some slack and answer my question!” “When you start having the dreams then your heritage will become obvious. The things that I told you would be attracted to you will manifest. All the dangers of my world will arrive. It’s literally just a matter of time, especially if you’ve already had one dream.” “Well, I did,” I replied. “And I’ll talk to you about this tomorrow. I promise I’ll call you the second wake up.” “What time will that be and I’ll just be here?” “Jesus, you’re persistent,” I sighed. “Come over around noon. I’ll get up regardless of what’s going on by then.” “Noon it is.” Ian shuffled his feet and I could tell he was frustrated. “I don’t think you understand the gravity of this situation.” “I do understand how much it means to you though and I think that’s all that should matter.” “More details tomorrow.” Ian turned away. “Your schedule is clear so we should be able to get something done.” I looked past him and didn’t see a car parked outside. I craned my neck to look up and down 34

Discretion Optional the street, but there was nothing new out there. “Hey!” Ian was almost to the sidewalk when I called out. He paused and turned to look at me. “How’d you get here? Did you walk?” A smirk touched his lips. “Hardly.” He turned away and continued walking, disappearing around the corner. That was damn cryptic. How can you be that mysterious with only one word? I started to close the door when I noticed David’s car pull up. Leaning against the frame, I waited for him to arrive. He got out of the car without knowing I was watching and I saw him tuck a flower behind his back. The gesture was sweet and made him more endearing as if such a thing was possible. Seeing him brought an instant smile to my face and I couldn’t help but let out a happy sigh. Ian’s little surprise visit couldn’t banish my excitement, couldn’t even dampen it. “Hey, there,” I called out to him and he glanced up, his expression lightening. “Fancy meeting you out here.” “Hey!” He hurried the last few steps, withdrawing the long stemmed red rose for me. “I hope you like it. I struggled with white or red.” “It’s lovely.” I took it gently, avoiding the thorns. The scent was amazing, musky and sweet as a fine perfume. I closed my eyes as I exhaled 35

Caitlin West and enjoyed the moment. “Thank you so much.” “Of course.” “Would you like to come in for a moment?” I gestured with my head. “Let me put this in a vase?” “Sure.” We stepped inside and I went to the kitchen, stabbing myself at least three times before I was able to put the flower in water. Fortunately, there wasn’t any blood. There was nothing less sexy than fingers covered in band aids and I would’ve been really sad if my second date with David involved first aid. “Do I have some stories to tell you,” I said as I joined him in the living room. “I’m half afraid you won’t believe me.” David smiled at me, his hands clasped behind his back. “I read the file, too, so I think I’m fairly open minded. What’s up?” “Do you want to talk about this now? Here?” “Whenever you want.” David stepped closer, extending his hand to me palm up. “You look beautiful.” I took his hand, feeling shy. “I’m a mess. I only had forty minutes to get ready.” “Ah, the temptation to woo,” David said, his eyes narrowing. “Yes?” I felt my cheeks flush. I couldn’t help but bask in the attention. 36

Discretion Optional “You look better with your forty minutes than most women would look after hours of preening.” David paused a moment. “You’d look stunning even if I’d caught you before you started.” “Now that’s just flattery,” I teased. “You can’t know how I’d look before I put on some war paint. You haven’t seen the homely version of Abigail Wright.” “Because there’s no such thing.” He gave my hand a gentle squeeze. “And believe me, I’m not flattering you. That would be disingenuous.” “Then I like the way you woo.” I looked down at our hands linked together and let out a contented sigh. “Did you have any idea what you wanted to do tonight? Another hot spot planned that I haven’t heard about maybe?” “I was going to let you decide this time if you were hungry.” David glanced at his watch. “What are you in the mood for?” My stomach spoke up at the mention of food. I hadn’t really eaten anything of substance. I let David’s hand go and held my stomach, muttering an apology. “No lunch?” There was a hint of concern in his tone and disapproval. “It was a pretty weird day.” I replied. “I did some busy work, answered emails, watched a couple of DVDs, then fell asleep on the couch. So in a word, no I didn’t have anything but a couple 37

Caitlin West of cups of coffee.” “Abby,” David said my name in the same way that Sammy did when she was about to scold me, but he caught himself before he could finish it. “We have to take care of that right away. Then you can tell me what was so weird.” “How about Italian then?” I asked. “I’m in the mood for anything if you’re not into it.” “Nah, everyone loves Italian.” David motioned. “I know a great place. Shall we?” “We shall.” I turned on the alarm and locked up, impulsively taking his arm as we headed for his car. It was a short lived moment of contact before he opened the door for me, but it felt right. I had been with plenty of people before him and even some long term relationships, but none of them had started off with such fireworks, such emotional connection. Part of it was the fact that he didn’t look at me like some celebrity and the awe in his eyes was for me not the woman on the magazine covers and MTV2 videos. That was the very definition of refreshing.

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Chapter 6 Socially Acceptable Morality

M

essage from a teenage fan: Abby, I read that you’re great at scoring hot chicks. What’s your secret and would it work for a boy? Classy! —Abby’s Twitter David and I had a lovely meal at a small restaurant downtown. I tried to pick up the tab, but he insisted on treating me. The chivalry left me torn. My feminine side wanted to rebel and insist back, but the side of me that blushed when he complimented me felt pampered. I decided to accept the gesture in the spirit it was given. He was not the kind of man to exert control over a woman with traditional values. That made him special in my eyes and frankly, there were too few men that could combine old fashion ideals with modern sensibility. 39

Caitlin West “Where should we go to talk?” He asked. “Should it be private?” “Might be a good idea,” I replied. “I don’t want someone to overhear this and take it the wrong way.” “We can go back to your place or mine. I’ve got a condo just down the way.” I whistled. “Doug, the guitar player in our band, was going to buy down here. It was pricy.” “Yeah, definitely wasn’t cheap.” David grinned. “But I liked being able to walk to work if I wanted to. Our offices are in Pioneer Square.” I got up, pushing my chair in. “Then we should go to your place. It’s only fair after the three times you’ve been to mine.” “I’m suddenly glad the maid went through this morning.” David hesitated and finally offered his arm, which I gladly took with both hands. Night had fallen and it was chilly enough that my thin leather jacket wasn’t cutting it. I pressed closer to David, stealing what heat I could. I could feel a little tension in his body, his breathing coming a bit quicker. We walked in silence and I basked in our little intimacy even as my mind wandered to self-analysis. Was I moving too quickly with this man? Pressed close to him, it seemed ridiculous. Who made up the social rules that people had to stay a certain distance apart for the first two weeks they 40

Discretion Optional were together? We had long since outgrown the chaperone carriage treatment of the nineteen hundreds after all. We didn’t sleep together on the first date, wasn’t that enough propriety? Why couldn’t I enjoy the scent of his cologne and the feel of his bicep through the black sport coat? Who said that I had to be a demure thing playing games until we were better acquainted? What was acquaintance? What was familiarity? How many facts did people have to know about one another before they could stop messing around and be physical? If two people were meant to be, there would be countless conversations, a million stories to share and share again. The initial draw was the important thing, the emotional bond that was created beyond words and life experiences. If that came upon two people without effort and all they had to do was enjoy the benefits, fighting against it was madness. Suffering due to socially acceptable morality died out with the Victorian era. David opened the car door for me again and I crawled in, letting out a long sigh while he looped around the back. My internal struggle over whether or not I was doing the right thing was at a cease fire, romantic side winning through superior firepower. He got in and started up the car, pulling out 41

Caitlin West into downtown traffic. I held my breath for a long moment before finally asking what I was certain was a foolish question. Unfortunately, I’m overly curious and I’ve always been one to prefer knowing than assuming. The latter got me in trouble enough times that some much needed shame was lost. “David, you…do you think that I’ve been…” I let out a sigh. “Have I been too forward? You know, grabbing the arm and all that?” He cast an odd glance my way. “What? Are you kidding? I offered you my arm, didn’t I?” “You were just…you know, your arm was tense, you seemed a little uncomfortable.” I bit my lip. “I’m sorry, I’m overanalyzing.” “No, not at all.” David shook his head, reaching over to take my hand. “I wasn’t uncomfortable. It’s just…” Now it was his turn to be at a loss for words. “Being close to you is amazing and if we’re going to be forward like this, I haven’t been able to get that kiss out of my head.” Relief flooded through me so fast I felt nauseous for a moment. I wasn’t alone. The attraction was not only mutual, but the intensity was the same. My one sided relationships far outweighed the positive ones where either the guy wanted to profess his undying love when I was just having fun or I felt desperate passion and they were just happy to be dating a celebrity. 42

Discretion Optional “Me neither,” I replied. “I had a hard time getting anything done since then. You made quite the impression.” “It’s a good thing I had all my work done for the rest of the week or I probably would’ve had a talking to.” “I meant to ask if you got in trouble for not getting the interview with me.” “Nah, they were disappointed, but maybe if you give them an exclusive sometime, you can make it up to them.” “Can I give you an exclusive?” I couldn’t believe my audacity, but I was grateful that it sounded like I was teasing. “You can give me whatever you want.” David replied in the same tone. “We’re here.” I looked around, gazing out at the water for a moment before checking out the building we were entering. I knew the place from the outside, but never met anyone who lived there. Condos were six figures and up, easily kissing seven in some cases. Avalon Nights made enough to where any of us could have bought one, but when weighed against a house, there was no contest. The garage was well lit and required some kind of buzzer to get in. We parked on the first floor and got out, the closing doors reverberating against all the stone. The few cars that were parked nearby were ridiculously nice, including a 43

Caitlin West Jaguar and a Ferrari. Obviously these tenants were well connected. How the hell can a reporter afford this? “This place is crazy!” I said, motioning around at the other vehicles. “Any of those yours?” “The Jag,” David said in all seriousness, heading for the elevator. “Shall we?” “Are you serious?” “Sure.” He motioned ahead of him. “The elevator’s just over there.” “No, I meant about the car.” “Yeah, I bought it last year, but it needs to be serviced.” He shrugged. “The Audi is more reliable frankly.” “Do you have a trust fund?” We started walking. “I don’t mean to pry, but this place…the cars…did you invest in Microsoft?” “When I first graduated, I was a war correspondent,” David said, tapping the button to summon the elevator. “I was an embedded reporter in Iraq for several months. A lot happened and in one engagement, my last in fact, we came under such heavy fire that I had to take up a weapon.” I gave him a wide eyed look. “I know, I know, not cool, but frankly, it was that or die. The guys I was with were good, but they could use all the help they could get.” He smirked as we boarded the elevator. “Honestly, I 44

Discretion Optional don’t know if I helped much or not, but at least they didn’t have to waste their time trying to protect me. I took three bullets in that exchange, figured I wouldn’t make it.” “You’ve got to be making this up!” “Not at all.” He looked dead serious. “They won the fight and when I woke up, I was at a medical camp. The unit I was with waited around to see if I’d make it. They were always cool to me, but when I came to I could tell they had a new sort of respect for me. During that fight, we bonded in a way that only combat can make it happen.” “What’s this have to do with you know…the money?” “I wrote a book when I came back. You know, fact filled first-hand account of combat in the Middle East. My publisher picked it up and it sold like crazy. Two months later, a TV movie was made. I took the money from all that, made some decent investments and voila. Jag, Audi, and Condo.” “Holy crap, I had no idea you did a movie!” “Nah, I did the book. Some other guy wrote the screenplay.” “Still! Would I have seen it? What was it called?” “The book was called Exchange: The Way of the Soldier. They shortened the movie to Exchange.” “Damn, I’ve never heard of it.” I frowned. “Do 45

Caitlin West you have a copy?” “Yeah, the movie wasn’t bad. It was no Black Hawk Down, but they had a decent budget and I was invited to come down to hang out on the set for a few days, meet everybody.” “How’d the military like your work?” “I painted those guys in an awesome light,” David replied. “They were upstanding men and unlike some of the drivel you hear coming out of there in this conflict, they embodied all that honor and duty that we heard about when we were in school. They weren’t draftees or guys hoping to get a GI bill education. It was their calling and true to the title, soldiering was their way.” We got off the elevator near the top. There were only four doors to choose from and he stopped at the first one on the right. Pushing the door open, he reached in to turn on the light and let me go first. I stepped in and was welcomed by an open and inviting room with sparse but tasteful decoration, mostly from the Middle East and Turkey. The couch was a lavish leather affair set in front of a massively big screen TV. Everything was neat and tidy, smelling faintly of Febreze. “I love it.” I turned my attention to an abstract painting. “I love your taste.” I paused half a second. “I never would’ve guessed the war stuff, you know. That’s crazy.’ 46

Discretion Optional “Do I seem too laid back to have seen combat?” He closed the door and locked it up, hanging his keys up on a hook. “Maybe a little.” I grinned at him before turning to examine a six foot bookshelf laden with various titles. “It’s awesome and I really want to see the movie.” “I’ll give you a DVD to take with you.” He paced past me into the kitchen, popping a bottle of wine. “But for now,” he called as he poured, “I believe that you have something you wanted to talk to me about. Your crazy day, remember?” “That all seems like a lifetime ago after our evening together,” I said, taking a seat on the couch. “And it seems so…fantastic and ridiculous after hearing your experience.” “Mine was a long time ago,” David joined me, offering me a wide glass of red wine. “Yours was recent.” “Alright.” I took a long drink from the wine, gathering my thoughts. “So first, I had this insane dream…” I told him everything about the dream including my amateur interpretations. David listened, his brow furrowed as he sipped his drink. I paused at the point where I woke up and waited for a response. He set his glass down on the coffee table and cleared his throat. “Do you think that the dream might have just 47

Caitlin West been a response to becoming acquainted with everything your dad was into? Maybe it was an elaboration of your imagination filling in blanks that the pages couldn’t relate. It could all be contributed to odd dreams, even that guy who you met at your show.” “Well, it gets crazier,” I said, finishing off my wine before I continued. I told him about Ian showing up as our new manager and though he stared at me with wideeyed surprise, I didn’t stop until I explained what I was told in the parking lot. I even threw in the little conversation I had just before David showed up for our date. It was David’s turn to finish off his wine. “Let me get this straight. This guy found a way to ingratiate himself into your band then used that to get close to you and talk to you about all this Sphere and Pillar stuff?” I looked up at the ceiling for a moment before nodding. “Yeah, pretty much.” “Do you think that he might just be a lunatic?” “It’s certainly possible,” I agreed. “I don’t know what to believe. But let’s say it’s all true. Let’s say that the Pillar and the Sphere were real. Why the hell would they need me? I mean, that war you were involved in wouldn’t have changed much if they’d drafted just one guy. The fighting was going on for a long time. One person can’t make 48

Discretion Optional that much of a difference.” “I’m sure you’ve heard the saying to the contrary,” David replied. “Not to play Devil’s advocate… er, that’s probably a poor choice of words.” I couldn’t help but chuckle. “Seriously though, history is full of one person making a difference. Maybe they think you are that person.” “Maybe they do,” I agreed. “And maybe they’re wrong. But either way, I told him flat out that I want nothing to do with it. I’m glad I know about my dad, but that’s enough. Whatever weird fight he was involved with has been going on for centuries, if it’s real. I don’t want to waste what time I have on some idiotic crusade that has no end.” “I think that’s perfectly fair,” David replied. “And if this Ian person is genuine about you being able to get out, then maybe you should listen to what he has to say. Do you think it’s safe to do so?” “I have a feeling that it would not be safe to turn him away.” We sat in silence for some time. “Would you like some more wine?” David finally asked. “Please!” He brought back the bottle and refilled our 49

Caitlin West glasses. “I can’t pretend that I’m not concerned about Ian,” David said. “But I’m a strong advocate of the more you know. I’ll help in any way I can. Just tell me what you need.” I looked at him over the top of my glass, our eyes making contact. My story danced gracefully to the back of my mind and all the anxiety and worry that went with it took a backseat. In that moment, all I could think about was how comfortable I was in that room with this man. “Everything I need,” I practically whispered, leaning forward to ensure that he could hear me, “is right here.” “Isn’t that a Depeche Mode song?” He muttered back. “Only when you take me in your arms,” I replied, setting my glass aside. “And help me find a way to enjoy the silence.”

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Chapter 7 Self-Assured

T

ragic romance was always my genre. Romeo and Juliet, Tristan and Isolde, Underworld 3…but once in a while, I just can’t help but sigh happily while watching the Hallmark channel. Don’t tease! They showed a Frankenstein once. —Abby’s Facebook There was something to be said about feeling safe and being comfortable in the presence of another. David embraced me and I leaned against him, my head resting on his shoulder. His arms were firm but welcoming and though I was quite certain that if he had wanted to hold me still he could have, I knew that I was okay. Every day I lived my life as a free thinker. I wasn’t out burning bras or walking in parades for women’s rights, but I had a feminist tendency. The people I dated often were less confident than me 51

Caitlin West and ultimately our partnerships devolved into me making decisions. I could sense that things would be different with David. He was a self-assured man, the type that could make a woman feel adored and protected without insulting her sense of self. The warmth of his body rushed into mine and even that small exchange thrilled my soul. Butterflies danced in my stomach. The silence was comfortable. As I nuzzled against him, I could feel his heart beating against my chest. Soft breathing broke the quiet, providing a rhythmic sound to our shared intimacy. Words might have shattered it completely and cast it all aside, leaving us with nothing. I don’t think either of us was willing to tempt fate in that way. Much like our first kiss, I felt as if time was standing still. I couldn’t believe that I had only met him that week. Our shared familiarity was like that of a couple with years behind them. Even as I knew there was plenty for us to share and hundreds of things to learn, our growing emotional bond was forming with ease. When David drew back, I let out a voice filled sigh, a tiny protest to our parting. He withdrew his arms, lifting his hands to touch my cheeks. Our eyes met, foreheads gently touching and all at once, my breath caught in my chest. You’re such a 52

Discretion Optional ridiculously handsome man! That moment went beyond appreciation of his iris or the sparkle that came from hormones in rapid fire. We both kept our breathing shallow, but he still tickled my lips, drawing out a smile. I felt like we were communicating on some level that people forgot about, a spiritual discussion that might not make sense then but would eventually. It’s heartening to think that there might be an eventually in our future. Our lips were touching before I even realized we were pressing closer. This time, we were taken by desire pent up over two days apart. Only two days! The thought didn’t have time to settle. My neurons were sparking too fast with the focus on how soft his lips were and how quickly we were escalating beyond the romantic kiss of the other night to something more erotic. Tongues brushing, breath taken in gasps, tiny moans and whispered nonsense all competed for the top spot of what made me tremble more. It pleased me to note that he was just as moved, his hands tense as they rested on my shoulders. The few times I peeked between kisses, his brow was furrowed as if in deep concentration. Mutual impact. I was reminded of my romantic friends and all their advice. That’s what you need to be on the lookout for. Someone that is just as 53

Caitlin West affected by you as you are by them. If it’s ever one sided, it’ll never work. You might as well grab a pizza and go home. We stopped together as if we were in perfect sync. I rested my forehead against his, leaving my eyes closed as I fought to catch my breath. My heart was pounding in my chest harder than it was when I went for the run earlier. The best part was that this distraction didn’t involve sweat and biting my lip. Not yet anyway. I was already flush, but the naughty thought made my face burn. “I wasn’t expecting that,” David’s breath gave voice to the words, a sort of whisper and gasp forming the sounds. “Amazing.” “You’re not so bad yourself, mister.” I smiled as I said it, not even caring that I sounded like a sappy chick on a Sunday night television romance. “You’ve got my heart racing.” David gently took my hand and pressed it against his chest. It took a moment to feel the rapid thumps of his pulse. I opened my eyes and found myself staring into his, lost there for a moment as I acclimated to his intensity. A tingle began in my chest and it spread down through my stomach and into my thighs. Anticipation competed with nerves as I recognized the direction my desire was taking. It seemed too soon to wander that path, but maybe 54

Discretion Optional that only mattered if we did so with reckless abandon. I felt in control of my faculties and capable of making a good decision. We could be together and not ruin what we had. I knew that in my soul. David and I had a future whether we made love on our second date or waited until the fifth. There was no doubt in my mind that I was with a good man for a change. The best part was that he excited me. All the ridiculous wild men that I had dated before were out of control and I loved their unpredictability. There was something to be said about stability and confidence though, and as I sat there with my hand pressed against David’s chest, I realized that I enjoyed the safety. “Seems you might have an effect on me, too,” David replied. “But then, I would’ve guessed you would.” “Oh yeah?” I gave him a lingering kiss, indulging a temptation that I refused to fight. “You’ve thought about this then?” “Since that kiss on your porch, I’ve thought about it at least seven-hundred times.” David reached up and traced a line on my cheek then continued down my neck. It was so slow and gentle, the tickling made me giggle, a sound I was unfamiliar with. “Well now, you’re ticklish, hmm?” 55

Caitlin West “Who isn’t?” I gave him a challenging glare, drawing back from him a few more inches. “You know…this might…” “I know,” He interrupted. “But what happens—” “I don’t know.” “Do you think—” “Maybe…” “Should we—” “It’s hard to—” “I know!” We both laughed, leaning away from one another. The sensual spell was diminished but not broken. He took my hands and looked down at them, tracing lines over my knuckles with his thumbs. “I didn’t bring you back here to seduce you, you know,” David said through a smile. “I genuinely just wanted a private place to talk so you could get all that stuff off your chest.” “You could’ve just as easily seduced me in my own house,” I replied. He chuckled. “And I wouldn’t have minded one little bit.” “So I have seduced you then?” David lifted his brows teasingly. “You’re in my power?” “Who are you, Dracula?” I lifted his right hand and kissed his fingers. “What would you do if I was in your power, Count?” “I would sweep you off your feet of course,” he replied. “It would work better if you were wearing 56

Discretion Optional a white nightgown though. I don’t think you came prepared with the right costume for this story.” “Oh, I’m sure that improv is okay,” I said. “Besides, modern day Dracula brides are wearing black these days. And pants apparently.” “So as Dracula, I get multiple brides?” David turned a thoughtful gaze to the ceiling. “I don’t know…sounds a bit rough.” “Yeah, Dracula really has to slum it with his hot Romanian hussies around.” I let go of one of his hands and reached up, gently touching his cheek. I directed his gaze back to me. We stared at each other in silence for some time. I was lost in my thoughts of what I should do. There were responsible choices, emotional choices and then the ones that threw both of those out the window. Hormonally, there was only one thing I wanted to do and every passing moment was making it hard to not indulge. “David,” I said, taking a deep breath before continuing. “It might be a good idea…for me…you know…to go home.” He took a breath to answer and hesitated. His eyes narrowed as if in thought and he finally nodded. “You might be right.” “I don’t want to go,” I said quickly. “I just…um…” “We’ve known each other less than a week?” David offered. 57

Caitlin West “Something like that.” “I understand completely.” He leaned forward, kissing me softly on the cheek. It was a chaste thing but I still loved it. It was an affectionate thing that transcended physical attraction and desire. I had never had that before in a relationship. “I’ll take you home.” “You know, you don’t have to if you don’t want to,” I said. “I could catch a cab.” “That’s the most absurd thing I’ve ever heard in my life.” David shook his head. “I wouldn’t hear of it. I brought you here and I’ll be damned if I don’t see you safely to your house. Besides,” he hesitated a moment, blushing. “I like the idea of having a little more time with you.” “I can’t deny the benefit,” I replied, squeezing his hand. A sigh escaped me unbidden and I couldn’t help but smile brightly. “Thank you, David. So much.” “For what?” He asked. We stood up together. “For so much,” I replied. “The notebook, listening to me, the dates, the affection, for trusting me with your story about Iraq…for everything. I’ve never been with someone like you before. It’s all very refreshing.” “I don’t know what to say to all that.” David’s smile was infectious. My cheeks were starting to hurt. “I knew you were special when I met you, but I never thought that I’d take you out. There 58

Discretion Optional was always the potential that you were too caught up being a rock star to notice a lowly reporter.” “Bah!” I shook my head emphatically. “You’re not just some writer. You had an amazing experience, stood up for yourself and took the burden of protection off of brave men and proved that you had what it took to be a hero. That might sound schmaltzy, but honestly, it’s the truth. You did something that really matters…I just write songs. There’s a difference.” “We’d better be careful or we’ll spend the night trying to build each other up.” David offered me his arm. “Your chariot awaits, Lady Wright. Shall I take you away?” “Of course, Sir.” I bowed my head, taking his elbow. “Lead the way.” If only you knew just how hard it is to go. You probably do. Lord, I can’t believe that responsibility won out. Much as I hated to be chilly, there was a cold shower in my future and based on the glow of David’s cheeks and the way he was walking, he’d be sharing that particular bathroom cure to excessive desire. At least it was there and if this was meant to be, it’d be there next time. I sincerely doubted I could resist his charms a third time and really, I didn’t plan to even try.

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Chapter 8 Fairly Zen

L

ord in heaven, commercials for drugs are terrifying. I just saw one where the side effects actually included sleep driving (yes, you read that right), hysteria, suicidal thoughts and severe flatulence. Um…I think I’ll stick with insomnia thanks. —Abby’s Facebook The drive home was spent in quiet conversation. Our topics were silly and inane, ranging from the way clouds changed shape in the wind to the number of cars with only one headlight in Washington. We held hands and I leaned back in my seat, staring dreamily out the window. The moon was bright in the sky even though it wasn’t full. Stars glittered around it like sycophants in the celestial court. I fancied that they were all well-dressed fops vying for favor in some grand cosmic scene. 60

Discretion Optional David stopped in front of my house directly in front of the stairs up. I hesitated before leaving, wondering what specifically I should do. If I looked at him, I would have a harder time getting out of the car and going inside. If I didn’t, I’d regret it all night long and kick myself long after I went to bed. A delicate balance existed for the dating woman. Give up too much and a man thinks less of a woman. Give up too little and he loses interest. That mentality had always frustrated me. I wasn’t the sort to buy into the social aphorisms that were often spouted by coffee house philosophers. Yet there I was contemplating precisely what they argued about every day. David didn’t seem like the kind of man who was looking for a quick score. I left those guys behind in my early twenties at the clubs where people were shopping for sex. They’d gauge what the store had available, assess what it might cost them monetarily or socially and went for the best value. I was way past such men. They were often transparent and refusing their advances irritated them. David was kind about our partings and while I could tell he was gripped by desire, there was never a sense of urgency. Whatever intimacy we shared could happen when it was supposed to 61

Caitlin West and he was good with that. “I should go,” I muttered, realizing that we had been enjoying a comfortable silence. “Yeah.” His fingers squeezed mine. “Do you want me to walk you up?” I knew that if he escorted me, then I might not let him leave. Cruel reality crowded my good mood and reminded me that Ian would be back at noon. I doubted David would be overly thrilled to being rushed out of the house so that I could talk about the spookier side of life. “I think that we should decide when we’re getting together again.” I turned and looked at him, amazed at how handsome he was in low light. We had been so close and personal that I could make out all the details in his face, and could really appreciate the nuances that made him uniquely him. “Tomorrow too soon?” David grinned, half kidding. “I don’t have anything going on tomorrow night,” I said. “In fact…” I reached out and touched his cheek with a finger, trailing down to his neck. “Maybe you’ll trust me to make you dinner.” “You’re a cook, too?” His eyes widened. “Is there anything you can’t do?” “Lord, let’s not talk about that depressing list,” I teased. “But yes, I can cook…sort of. Don’t expect 62

Discretion Optional that Italian place or anything.” “That sounds lovely.” David reached up and captured my hand, pressing his lips to my fingertips. “What time?” “Better make it seven if that’s all right.” I felt a shiver hit me and knew I had to part with him or we’d be at it for the rest of the night. “Gives me time to get everything ready.” “I’ll see you at seven then.” He leaned forward and we shared a long, lingering kiss that was somewhere between heady romantic one our first night and the passionate one earlier. My chest tickled with emotion and when we parted, I had to let out a long, contented sigh. “I look forward to it.” I conjured up every ounce of my will and opened my door. He let me go and I crawled out, leaning on the door for several moments. “I had a lovely time. Thank you.” “We’ll do it again,” David replied. “I look forward to seeing your place without having a job to do.” “Me, too.” I turned and smiled at him, offering a little wave. He watched me walk up the steps and waited until I was safely in before taking off. I can’t believe I landed an actual gentleman. What a turn of events! I hit the alarm, locked up and immediately went about getting ready for bed. Lounging 63

Caitlin West around the house just meant that I’d think and the last thing I needed to do was let my anxiety run wild. David wasn’t the only thing that would intrude on my thoughts either. The mystery of Ian would certainly vie for some attention and that wasn’t even considering work. Tragedy of Dreams would come out to wide distribution on Tuesday and somehow, I had managed to ignore the fact. As an artist, I often fretted over the next piece of music that we presented to the world. I was not solely responsible of course, but in a way that made it harder to prepare for. We had been lucky to have hit so many times. There were negative reviews here and there, but they didn’t affect sales or our ever growing fan base. I was always waiting for the other shoe to drop and for people to ostracize us for sucking. Ninetynine percent of the time, I managed to keep this fear to myself. Sammy had been there for me one of the times I got drunk and panicked about a new release. I was convinced that This Side Down was going to be the most reviled CD in history. Not just ours, but in all of history. Most of the time, I was fairly Zen about it all. There was a good chance that my anxiety kept me honest and chased away arrogance. The last thing that I wanted was to turn into a crazy diva. I had been accused of such things before, but 64

Discretion Optional fortunately, they were unfounded. When I interviewed, I aimed to come across as a down to earth girl that was awed and amazed by our fortune. I told anyone who asked that I considered our success to be a gift and that we were reverently appreciative of our fans. Whenever someone recognized me in the world, I made the time to have a quick chat with them. Avalon Nights was founded on the concept that fan rapport was essential for our success. I fell asleep with all of this foremost in my mind. The beautiful evening wasn’t tainted, but it definitely took its place in my mental queue. Thankfully, I was able to avoid any insanely vivid dreams and remained unconscious through the night. I sorely needed the rest. When I woke up, the clock read ten after ten. I stretched and yawned mightily before deflating into a motionless example of lazy. Ten minutes passed before my stomach compelled me to get up. Food, coffee and a quick shower would chase away what remained of my fatigue and then I could dive into whatever crazy Ian had planned. I sat in the kitchen waiting for some toast when I noticed that there was a message on my phone. The touch screen on the damn thing was anything but my friend, but after a few minutes I was able to get it to play. David’s voice was made tiny from the speaker 65

Caitlin West and I had to click up the volume a few times to hear him. Thankfully, that involved real buttons. “Hey, Abby, it’s David. I’m glad I didn’t wake you up. I just wanted to let you know that I need to drive down to Portland today and I won’t be back until the evening. Our plans are still on if you’re up for it and feel free to call anytime if you’d like. “Hope you had a good night’s rest. Talk to you later.” Portland was a two and a half hour drive away and really not very far so I wasn’t sure why I felt a sense of loss. Knowing that he was leaving the state played at the stupid anxiety I experienced the night before. This time, I was worried for him and I couldn’t explain why. Paranoia was particularly annoying, but at least he would be available to talk. I resisted the urge to call him right away, but that lasted for all of ten minutes. Toast popped up while I was dialing so I ignored it, moving into the living room so I could flop on the couch. “Hello?” David didn’t quite shout, but I could tell he was speaking through a blue tooth. That was another bit of technology that had eluded me, enough so that I didn’t really trust it. Ah, the joys of being a Luddite. “Hey!” I cried, leaning forward. “I just got your message. What’s in Portland?” 66

Discretion Optional “Story for the magazine,” He replied. “There’s a painter there who’s had some critical success. We figure there’s a story in the interview and it might help him get to the next level.” “That’s awesome,” I replied. “Anyone I know?” “Probably not yet, but I hope to change that. How’re you?” “I’m doing great actually. I have a few things to take care of today, but nothing major. Do you think you’ll make it back here in time for dinner?” “If you don’t mind eating around eight or so,” David said. “The interview won’t take long and then I’m coming right back.” “I usually eat late,” I replied. “I should probably let you drive. I need to get moving with my day too if I’m going to be ready for this evening.” “Have a great day, Abby. I’ll see you tonight.” I hung up the phone and leaned back on the couch, once again filled with a childish sense of completion. All the anxiety was gone and I felt perfectly at ease. The rest of the day might not be so comforting, but at least I could take heart in the fact that the evening would be good. The toast was cold so I tossed it out and started up some more bread. I went on autopilot to get ready, daydreaming about seven o’clock. It couldn’t come soon enough and though I looked at Ian’s visit with some bitterness, perhaps there’d 67

Caitlin West be some value in what he had to say. One could always hope.

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Chapter 9 A Spiritual Thing told me that bad news is just an opportunity Jack waiting to be grabbed. I say that silver lining fortune

cookie nonsense doesn’t apply when my hot water heater ruins the carpet in my basement. —Abby’s Facebook Ian rang the bell right at noon. The fact that he was on time only surprised me because I was comparing him to Allen, our last agent. I couldn’t believe I had already categorized him in that role, especially considering how leery I was about his intentions. As I opened the door, I questioned whether or not it was wise to have him in my house alone. If everything he said was true, the presence of another person wouldn’t help. Apparently, comforting thoughts weren’t on the menu, but at least I was prepared for the worst. 69

Caitlin West Awesome, Abby! Keep that up and you’ll be a basket case by dinner. Ian was dressed impeccably in a gray suit with a white linen shirt beneath. He wasn’t wearing a tie and the top two buttons near his collar were unbuttoned. I guessed this was what he considered informal. What compels this guy to dress like he stepped out of the nineteen forties? By comparison, I was dressed like a Clif bar eating Washingtonian. My jeans had holes in the knees, my fleece was baggy and shapeless and the sandals I slipped on were brown, floppy and sad. Standing there in front of him, I felt self-conscious, but shook it off quickly enough. I don’t have to impress him. The animosity I felt toward him was residual from our first encounter. I had overcome it enough to interact with him, even trust him to a certain extent, but it would take a lot to make up for nearly ruining what should’ve been a fantastic evening. “Hey there,” I said. “You look like you’re about to hit the Vegas strip. Did I miss the memo about casual Sinatra day?” “No, you’ve got casual covered,” Ian replied. His grin almost blunted the jab. “You look well.” “Thanks. Come in.” I stepped aside and directed him to the living room before I closed and locked the door. He 70

Discretion Optional scanned the room with what seemed to be an appraising look. My place was impeccably clean mostly because I paid a service to keep it that way. Add to the fact that my taste was not offensive and I couldn’t help but be miffed by Ian’s aloof demeanor. He was quiet for a long while as I stood there staring at him. I didn’t feel like I should be the one to break the silence. He’d wanted the meeting, he needed to run with it. If I had my way, I’d be going to the grocery store. “We have a lot to talk about.” Ian turned to me with a smile. “Things that you need to keep in mind even if you’re going to try to let it all go.” “So you’ve said.” My arms were folded over my chest. “Remember when you thanked me for being patient with you? Remember when you said that you knew how frustrating you can be?” I let out a sigh and dropped my arms to the sides. “Yes.” “You’re doing it now.” Ian took a seat on the couch. “Please, sit down. We need to discuss your dream and the implications of what you’ve seen.” I sat down opposite him, but didn’t say anything. Ian leaned forward. “Those of us who have this potential start to experience many strange events sometime after our thirtieth birthday. The dreams 71

Caitlin West start out sporadic but get more intense depending on how much we resist.” “Resist?” I interjected. “What do you mean? Like…because I don’t want this, am I resisting?” Ian nodded. “Yes, think of it like a cold. If you try to ignore it and do nothing at all, it gets worse before it goes away.” “And when it goes away?” “Oh, you’ll be experiencing the other stages long before it goes away.” “Jesus, other stages? What’re you talking about?” “Dreams are the first part. Your body will try to adjust next. It will want to undergo some changes to accommodate your gifts.” “Can that be avoided?” “Um…” “I’m serious, what do we do to avoid it?” “I think that I’m not being clear about how this works,” Ian said. “This is going to happen. At the end, you can go back to your normal life, but this will definitely be a trial. And throughout it, there will be discomfort.” “Great,” I grumbled. “What else is going to happen?” “We’ll get to that later. Let’s talk about that dream. Tell me about it. I want all the details.” “Some of it was a little personal.” I flopped back in my chair and took a deep breath. I didn’t 72

Discretion Optional know where to begin specifically and I had to take a moment to conjure up the images from that horrible night. After a few minutes, I turned to him and let it go. I filled Ian in on every detail. My nudity, the strange environment, the cliff, the angelic vision of my father and the plunge to what would’ve been my death. When I started, I figured that I’d be fine, but by the time I finished, I was trembling. My hands were coated in a thin sheen of cold sweat. The sound of wind rushing past me before hitting the ground was fresh in my ears. “I’m sorry that I had you relive that,” Ian spoke in a soft voice. I was surprised at how much sympathy was there. “Hearing it from you reminds me of my own. Despite the fact that these dreams carry a message of hope, there’s always the alternative, the finality.” “Why? Why did it have to be horrible?” “Because there’s something to be said about knowing how things can go. Often times, especially in the modern day, things are blown out of proportion. People get angry because their favorite restaurant runs out of fries. To them, that’s the end of the world. These dreams provide some perspective.” “Even if the person doesn’t need it.” I rubbed my eyes. “Okay, so what do I have to do? There must be something.” 73

Caitlin West “If you were going to embrace this stuff, I’d have all kinds of things for you to do,” Ian said. “But since you want to let it go, I just need you to relax and tell me when things happen. I’m here to protect you until this all ends, and in order to do that most effectively, I have to know when to be worried.” “I’m worried now, does that count?” Ian grinned. “No, but it’s good that you’re concerned. It means that you’ll pay attention and keep me informed…right?” “Of course.” I stood up. “I thought this was going to take some time. Weren’t you going to tell me more?” “I was hoping that you’d change your mind before we had this talk to be honest,” Ian said. “Maybe you’d want to be involved after all.” “I’m not giving up a normal life…well, normalish life for whatever the hell you’re talking about.” I shook my head emphatically. “No, I don’t know what kind of man my father was, but I’m not following in his footsteps just because he wanted me to. There are some inheritances that are not worth the heartache.” “You know, I live a pretty normal life.” Ian shrugged. “I’m just saying you wouldn’t be bouncing around the world fighting evil or something. There are things that come up and you’d be prepared for them. That’s really how it 74

Discretion Optional goes.” “Yeah, it’s so simple that someone murdered my father and you’re here to protect me. Don’t make it sound like I’d be taking a job working fast food or something.” “I don’t really understand you, Abigail. You don’t have a normal life as it is. You’re about as far from that as anyone can get. Why are you so afraid to embrace something new? Why are you scared? People are killed every day for far less than I’m talking about and considering how long your dad lived, the odds are good that you’re safe.” “I picked my life, and I’ll be honest, I’m happy with it. I’ve never felt like I needed a dramatic change. I’m one of those rare people you meet that always wanted to grow up to do what they are actually doing. I’m a singer, not a ghost buster or whatever the hell you want me to be.” “I think—” Ian twitched as he looked at me, standing up from the couch. He paced closer with an odd, blank expression. I wanted to recoil, but I didn’t dare. He resembled a snake ready to strike. “You’re…you’re in love…or getting there at least.” I felt my cheeks flare up. I wanted to say something, but I couldn’t find the words. My silence would have to be the herald of my indignity, at least for a while. “Is it true?” Ian sounded excited but in a quiet, 75

Caitlin West reserved way. I had no idea how he did it. Most of it resided in the glow of his eyes and how they were just a little wider than normal. “Are you falling in love with someone?” Something about the direct question allowed me to find my tongue again. “First off, I don’t see how that’s any of your business. Second, what would it matter if I was? Why are you being so weird?” “Abigail, love is the most complex emotion a human being can feel. Some people live their whole lives without experiencing it. People with your heritage are insanely rare and very few of them are in the midst of falling in love as they turn thirty years old.” “Okay, so it’s a little out of the norm.” I shrugged. “So what?” “Out of the norm as you put it is a dramatic understatement. Love has made people do things they would never otherwise do. It pushes them on when they might otherwise quit or grants them the strength to endure when surrender would be so much easier. In short, it’s extremely powerful, and those who are just coming into it when they’re coming into their gifts are quite special.” “Lord in heaven!” I turned and paced away. “First I tried to bow out, then you had to protect me from…something. Now you’re telling me that the fact that I might be falling in love with 76

Discretion Optional someone is going to make me even less normal. Do you have any good news?” “The bond you feel for this other person must be strong if I’ve felt it without trying,” Ian replied. “I suppose you could consider that good news. Your feelings are genuine, if you had any doubt. I hope that the other person reciprocates.” “He does!” I said the words without meaning to and clamped my hand over my mouth to prevent another bit of self-incrimination. “Ah ha!” Ian pointed at me. “Do you want to tell me about him?” I shook my head without taking my hand away from my lips. “Are you sure?” I nodded. “Very well. But know that there will be many that are interested in you now. You’ve gone from being a potential recruit to someone that could change the course of conflicts, tip the balance in one direction or another. I got more than I bargained for coming here. Fascinating.” “That’s awesome, Mr. Spock,” I said through my fingers, my voice coming out muffled. “This literally keeps getting better and better. I think you’d better go before I find out that my black hair makes me more susceptible to possession.” Ian chuckled. “Don’t worry, Abigail. I’ll make sure that this ends for you as we discussed. It’s 77

Caitlin West just going to be a little harder, that’s all.” “I don’t mind harder if there’s definitely an end.” I moved over toward the door. “I think that I’ve absorbed all that I can today, Ian.” “That’s fine.” Ian joined me. “Just remember to call me if you need anything and let me know if something happens. I’ve got…a connection of sorts with you so I should know if you’re in danger.” “A connection?” This sounded alarms in my head. “What kind of connection? Like you can monitor me?” “It’s a spiritual thing and it’s nothing like a video camera. Your soul is powerful and its senses are vastly superior to the five physical ones you rely upon. When something bad’s about to happen, just before the hair on the back of your neck stands up, I’d hear the warning sign.” “What then?” “I haul ass to help you.” “You’re really taking this seriously, aren’t you?” “Your dad wouldn’t have had it any other way.” Ian opened the door. “Enjoy your night tonight. Hey…just a thought. I’m not really good at this.” “You think?” I smiled to lighten the comment. “It’s just that…I don’t mean to alarm you or act oddly. It’s been a long time since I’ve helped 78

Discretion Optional someone through a transition. I haven’t forgotten what it’s like, but it’s harder to relate since I’ve been like this for so long.” “So…how long have you been like this?” “I think that’s a story for another time.” Ian stepped onto the porch. “You’ve absorbed enough, remember?” “You’re too quick to use my own words against me.” I sighed wistfully. “I’m going to have to watch what I say.” “Then you wouldn’t be Abigail Wright anymore.” Ian nodded his head at me. “Good day.” I watched him walk down the steps and toward the sidewalk, his hands plunged in his pockets. That was a living enigma of a man, someone I felt myself growing fond of and was scared of all at once. His cryptic comments alone were enough to drive me crazy but his utter belief in the supernatural was intoxicating. Nothing about this should’ve been easy to accept, and yet I was trundling along like Alice looking for a white rabbit. Was my father really like this? Was I the victim of hypnosis or some other shady business? Had David not shown up with the notebook, I would’ve thought that Ian was trying to play me for something. I closed the door and as I heard it click, something made a similar sound in my head. The 79

Caitlin West last words he spoke to me as he walked outside came back around since I had practically ignored them. Fondness faded somewhat as indignation took over. I felt my cheeks redden at the jab…or at least the fact that it took me five minutes to catch it. Yeah, good show, Abby. Maybe next time you can flip your hair and stare blankly at the guy. At least then you can look like a total idiot rather than an oblivious one. It’s always better to excel after all.

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Chapter 10 A Nice Counterpoint

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ore Abigail Wright Facts: I’ve never appeared in a Girls Gone Wild video, I modeled once for an artist to paint a kick ass crazy fairy (clothed) and I absolutely love RPGs on the XBox. Yes, boys, I’m a little geeky, try not to faint. —Abby’s Facebook I did my best to put the conversation with Ian behind me. Dwelling on whatever was going to happen wouldn’t change anything. The potential anxiety was trumped by the long term events that Ian’s conversation promised. Much as I wanted to know what was going to happen next, nothing was forthcoming. So instead of diving into philosophy and worry, I caught a cab to the grocery store to prepare for my dinner with David. I hadn’t driven a car since I was eighteen years 81

Caitlin West old. My grandfather taught me and bought me a fairly decent vehicle to cruise around in, but when I went off to college, it become more of an inconvenience than a benefit. Grandpa held out hope that I would take it back. By the time I was out of school, I was already traveling around with Avalon Nights. Doug and Sammy did all the driving for our first tour, which I felt bad about until I found out they were car addicts. Once we started to make real money, Doug decided to indulge himself and filled a massive garage with a fleet of vehicles. His tastes touched on every era from the big engine beasts of the sixties and seventies to foreign machines one might see in a racing movie. Sammy was a little more conservative, but even she had three different cars. She tried to dismiss her purchases as necessary with each one serving a particular purpose. Considering that she never hauled anything, the big ass SUV was silly and the frivolous sports car that she never took out when there was a cloud in the sky wasn’t all that practical either. I had considered getting my license again, but there had never been a long enough stretch that I could spend the time learning. My friends claimed it was like riding a bike. I agreed…if the bike could go sixty miles an hour and crush people 82

Discretion Optional dead. They were probably right, but twelve years away from the wheel didn’t leave me with an overwhelming urge to get back to it. When I couldn’t get a ride with a friend, cabs were my friend. It felt old fashioned even though I had never lived in a time that it was common. Unfortunately, modern taxis were generally nasty and the people who picked you up were not huggable old men that chattered on about their crazy wives. Still, it was rare that I had to venture out of the house alone and sometimes, it was nice enough outside to ride a bike (though in Washington, that sometimes could quickly turn into rarely for a month straight). On days that I was really desperate, Sammy was the sort of understanding friend who would come and pick me up. The cab driver parked at the store and glanced in the rear view mirror at me, waiting silently for his instructions. He was an older man that had seen too much sun wherever he lived before moving to Washington. All the cloudy days in the world wouldn’t rejuvenate his damaged and cracked skin. “I won’t be long,” I said in an apologetic tone. When he didn’t respond, I kept going. “You can keep the meter running.” “I will.” The flat response made me frown. I had called the same company for years and there 83

Caitlin West was always a different driver. It dawned on me that perhaps I should have taken that to mean something. Could they not keep workers or did they really have that many people employed? I let my indignity get the better of me. “Never mind.” I reached into my purse and pulled out fifteen dollars. I was only a couple miles from the store. “Here. You can get lost.” Unimpressed, he just nodded and gave me a look that suggested I had better get out of the car quickly. I resisted the urge to slam the door on my way and moved toward the store, fishing my phone out of my purse. Sammy’s phone went straight to voicemail. I tried again but got the same result. Doug was next on my list. His phone rang twice before he answered. “What’s up, Abby?” “Doug, I hope I’m not interrupting anything.” “Nah, I was just watching a movie.” “Well…if you’re not busy, I was hoping that you might…um…come pick me up somewhere and give me a ride home?” “You really need to get your license,” he teased. “But you know I will. Where are you?” I gave him the address. “Listen, thank you Doug. I really appreciate it.” “I’d say that you’d do the same for me, but…” “Aw, c’mon. That’s not fair.” 84

Discretion Optional “I’m just giving you a hard time. I’ll see you in fifteen.” With that out of the way, I was able to focus on shopping. Part of me said I should try to impress David with something elaborate and special. The problem was that as much as I thought it was a great idea, my cooking skills didn’t really conjure up anything awesome. The few times I watched food channels on TV taught me that I was not a chef by any stretch of the imagination. All the masterpieces nearly made me drool, but even with their step by step instructions, nothing I tried came out looking as pro. I finally settled on a chicken dish I had some luck with a few months back. Baked with lemon sauce in rice and carrots, it might not have been the most wildly amazing dish, but it was tasty enough. I bought the fanciest vanilla ice cream I could find and some raspberries for dessert. Shortly after checking out, Doug texted me to let me know he had arrived. He was sitting in his black BMW convertible, tapping the wheel to a quiet techno beat. “Hey!” He waved as I approached. “Thank you so much!” Doug waved a hand at me. “Don’t mention it.” He peered into my bags. “What’re we having for dinner?” 85

Caitlin West “I’m having a date at home tonight,” I replied, “which means that I roll the dice with cooking.” “I’d have thought you’d order out for something like that.” Doug smiled as he tucked in behind a pickup. “Unless you’re trying to poison the guy.” “A second ago you were wondering what I was making us for dinner and now my cooking is bad enough to kill someone.” I folded my arms over my chest in feigned indignity. “Besides, you can’t tease me about dating when you haven’t told me anything about the guy you’re seeing.” “Sammy told me a little bit about your reporter. Either he’s as great as she said or you’re crazy smitten.” “Evasion!” I smacked his arm. “Why so private anyway? You used to be the tell-all man.” Doug sat in silence for a moment as he pulled out on the road, heading toward my place. The muscles in his jaws tightened and a moment later, he let out a sigh. “You’ll think it’s ridiculous if I try to explain.” “Oh, Doug…c’mon, really?” “The last couple years I started to get really shy about this stuff.” He shrugged. “I think it’s because of all the public scrutiny. There are several inevitable questions that come along with the public knowing that you’re gay. It’s less about what you’re doing and more about who you’re 86

Discretion Optional doing and what you’re doing for the cause.” “You really think that?” I spoke in a small voice. I hadn’t anticipated the conversation to go in this direction. “Sometimes. I probably come off as aloof in the attempt to keep my private life private.” Doug shook his head. “Regardless, I shouldn’t have let it go so far that I stopped sharing with you guys. If I can’t trust my best friends then I have bigger problems than a reporter asking me if I’ll be heading up a gay right’s campaign.” “I’m glad I didn’t have to say it.” I poked him in the arm. “In all seriousness, tell me. I know you want to.” “Alright, alright! His name is Henry. He’s a lawyer.” “You’re dating a lawyer?” I interrupted. “Are you kidding?” “No, I’m not. What’s wrong with lawyers?” “You always trash talk them! Even ours!” “Behind their backs and only about frivolous lawsuits and that sort of thing.” “Yeah, that sort of thing tends to be their fees, ethics and general disdain for common morality.” “Henry’s different. He’s with the district attorney.” “Oh, idealist then?” “Sort of.” Doug shrugged. “He’s a normal guy and that’s a nice counterpoint to the life I’ve got.” 87

Caitlin West “He got you out on a dance floor,” I pointed out. “I’d say that’s pretty extraordinary.” “Now, now.” Doug shook his head as he pulled into my driveway. “So you tricked me. You didn’t say a word about your new fella.” “Then maybe we should go on a double date soon.” I shifted in my seat so I was facing him. “Our respective men will be the respectable ones for us. We can be all bohemian and artistic. What do you say?” Doug turned away, holding his breath for a second. I imagined the wheels turning in his head, cranking on how best to let me down or if that would be too rude. This had happened before in our relationship and the likely reason he hesitated was that he remembered that I won the argument the previous times. “How about I throw out a definitive maybe on that?” He was testing the waters. I smiled at him. “How about we just do it and stop being lame?” I looked at my watch. “Maybe we can do this on Sunday? I know a club that has a very interesting theme…” “Yeah, I think we don’t need to terrify our dates.” Doug let out a sigh. “I’ll make a call to Henry and see what he thinks. After the release of Tragedy of Dreams, okay?” “That sounds like a plan. Wednesday?” “Let’s let the people with day time schedules 88

Discretion Optional decide, shall we?” “That’s a great idea.” I collected my groceries and leaned in close, kissing Doug on the cheek. “Thank you for picking me up. I seriously appreciate it.” “Don’t worry about it. Who knows? Maybe your idea will be fun.” “I can guarantee it.” I opened the door. “See you later, Doug.” I watched as he pulled back on the road and headed off. The last time we had a double date was something of a disaster due to the people we were with at the time. Mine was an ass and his was a prissy entitled bitch who couldn’t handle any amount of criticism. Doug and I bailed on them both, spending the morning in an all-night diner guzzling down coffee. A lawyer and reporter wouldn’t be like that. This promised to be the most adult double date I had ever been on. That could’ve been good or bad depending on what kind of mood I was in. Moments of nostalgia crept up on me once in a while, but for the most part I was happier with who I had become. It was a far cry from the wild and unpredictable stuff we suffered through in the past.

89

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Chapter 11 Escalated

F

an question: will you ever play on a cruise line? We tried that once. It was the day that we discovered Sammy doesn’t like boats. I doubt that She Hulk was ever quite as green…or angry for that matter. —Abby’s Facebook I prepared my meal so it was ready to go in the oven and called David. The food would take about forty-five minutes to cook so I needed to know what time he’d be there. It would also afford me the opportunity to build some mood in the house and slip into something more attractive than jeans and a sweater. The phone rang three times before he picked up. “This is David.” “Hey, it’s me!” I said, speaking up when I noticed the road noise. I was back on the blue 90

Discretion Optional tooth device. “How’s it going?” “Good, I’m back in town and was just running a last minute errand. I was going to call you to see when you’d like me.” “I think that now might be too soon…” I hummed. “Whenever you can be here would be fine. I just have to put something in the oven so…will you be an hour? More? Less?” “An hour sounds about right. I’ll see you then?” “Sounds great!” I hung up, marked the time and hurried through a shower. I agonized in my closet for several minutes before settling on a fitted, silky dress that went just past the knees. The long sleeves were lacy, ending just over the tops of my hands like a Ren Fair outfit. I threw on my favorite Victorian boots and admired the look in the mirror. You’re at home, it might’ve been better to go with a different shoe. I contemplated the closet and waved a hand at it. If I can’t dress up in my own house then I’ve got bigger problems than inappropriate footwear. I put the food in the oven, set the timer and started up my MP3 player in the living room, setting it to shuffle. Relaxing on the couch, I closed my eyes and let the music settle over me, drifting into an unsettling daydream that I couldn’t seem to snap out of. 91

Caitlin West My father was giving me an admonishing look, his features contorted in disapproval. The gentle visage from his photograph was gone, replaced by a battle hardened scowl. He was trying to speak but I couldn’t hear him. When he pointed a knife at me, I sat up with a start on the couch, breathing heavily. A knock at the door had woken me up. I glanced at the clock and felt relief wash over me. The food hadn’t burned yet. Another rap at the door drew me to my feet. “I’m coming!” I shouted, wondering just how horrible after the weird nap. There was no time to check and it wouldn’t have eased my anxiety anyway. David was there, looking particularly handsome in a corduroy jacket and dark jeans. He grinned when our eyes met and without a word, we embraced, standing in the entryway for several minutes. “Is it silly to say I missed you?” I whispered against his cheek. “Nah, I thought about you all day,” he replied in an equally quiet voice. “How was your afternoon?” We parted and I let him in, locking up as he walked into the living room. “It was fine. Just went to the store. Would you like a drink?” 92

Discretion Optional “Please.” David shrugged off his jacket. He was wearing a crisp white dress shirt, the collar high even as the top three buttons were undone. “I haven’t done that much driving in a long time. It was nuts.” “I take it you got the story this time.” “Yeah, that artist wasn’t quite as disagreeable,” David teased. “Plus, I didn’t drop a bomb shell.” “Probably best.” I poured two glasses of wine and joined him near the couch. “You have no idea how weird I thought you were after that.” “I’m surprised that I’m standing here.” He took the offered glass and offered me a silent toast before taking a sip. “I’m glad we got past it.” “Honestly, you prepared me for a lot worse. I would’ve been kicking myself if I had shoved you away.” I shook my head. “Enough about that. I talked to one of my band mates today, Doug? He just started seeing someone too and I thought it would be cool…if…you know…we…” David smiled, lifting his brows. “What, have a foursome?” I smacked his arm. “No! Just a night out. The four of us.” He chuckled. “I’m amicable to anything. Doug founded the band with you, didn’t he?” “He and his sister, yeah.” I nodded, motioning for the couch as I took a seat. “Sammy and I hit it off right away. Doug was a little harder to get 93

Caitlin West through, but once we started hanging out, he came around.” “When I was reading about you, I only got a cursory history of the others. My boss suggested that we might get a whole band interview later, but our readers sent letters asking about you.” He sipped his wine. “Being out in the front gets you quite a bit of attention.” “I know and it kind of sucks for them. I worried for a long time that they’d think I was a shameless ham, stealing the spotlight and glory. Lucky for me, they’re understanding friends not just coworkers. That makes a huge difference.” “I’ve seen plenty of projects break up because they’re not as friendly, it’s true. Hey, let’s drop the professional talk. Tell me about your family. I didn’t read much about your grandparents. You grew up with them, didn’t you?” “Yep, my mom was there, but she was a flighty basket case. She stood back and let the professionals do most of the work.” I smirked. “My grandfather loved having me around. He and I got along great.” “What was he like?” “A loving person considering that he was a commander in the navy.” “Seriously?” “Yeah, he was retired before I was born and captained cruise ships and even one of those big 94

Discretion Optional ships that brings in grain and stuff. He loved the sea and it broke his heart that my mom couldn’t handle being out on it. I guess that she didn’t catch the gene.” “Did you?” “Oh, yes. Very much. I had my sea legs before I was eight. Grandfather taught me how to sail on his own little ship. Those were some of the best times of my youth.” I sighed. “By the time I was a teenager though, he was too old to get out much.” “Is he…” David frowned. “No.” I shook my head, looking down at my glass. “He passed away just after I graduated. He got to be there for it and I swear he couldn’t have been happier.”I smiled at a sudden memory, closing my eyes so I could visualize it better. “Just a month before he passed away, I had just graduated and I had asked that Avalon Nights take a little break. Grandfather was…well, he was getting close. I took him out on his boat—first time he was just a passenger. “I’ll never forget that day. The sun was out, the breeze was warm, you could smell the salt thick in the air. He’d been frail for a long time and honestly, we snuck out of the house to make this happen, but he needed to be out there one last time. He’d spent more time on the water than he had land, it was only fitting he got a chance to say goodbye.” 95

Caitlin West Somewhere in the middle of my story, David had taken my hand. I was holding it tightly without meaning to and I let go the second I realized it. My cheeks flushed and I turned away. “I’m sorry about that. I didn’t mean to break out a sad story like that.” “Don’t be sorry.” He touched my cheek. “I’m glad you felt comfortable sharing. It means a lot to me. Do you still have the ship?” “Oh yes, my grandfather loved that vessel. I’ll never sell it. I’ve got it moored nearby and a caretaker keeps up the maintenance when I’m away.” I smiled at him. “I’ll take you out on it sometime if you like.” “I’d love it.” “Anyway, that’s enough about that stuff. You should tell me about your parents. Are they still in Oregon?” “Oh, they’ll never leave. Mom and Dad love their privacy these days and have a nice cabin out on a couple acres. We don’t talk much anymore to be frank. I didn’t even tell them that I’d be in the state earlier today.” “May I ask why not?” I put my hand on his knee quickly. “Only if it’s no imposition. I don’t mean to pry.” David shook his head. “Not at all. They’re incredibly liberal and their ideals go to the extremes about killing, war and all that stuff. 96

Discretion Optional They’re against it all to the exclusion of reason. It defined them and it’s why they live where they do the way that they do. They’re basically hippies.” “And let me guess, they didn’t like what you wrote for Exchange.” “You got it. The fact that I could paint any military action in a positive light was a betrayal of my upbringing and gifts. My father, in traditional hypocrisy, verbally disowned me. My mother wouldn’t return my emails. To them, I’d crossed over the line and became the enemy. “I guess it was too scary for them to face the fact that I had my own ideas.” “Wow, I’m sorry to hear it.” David shrugged. “Water under the bridge. I’ve made my peace with it.” “You think they might mellow out a bit?” “They’re hippies…they’re already pretty mellow.” He grinned. “More seriously, they might. The door’s always open. I think eventually they’ll realize that their overreaction goes against everything they cared about and made them lose a son. It could happen.” I considered my wine for a long moment before drinking half of it in one go. “We need to think of something positive and quick.” “When will dinner be done?” “Are you hungry?” David raised his brow. “If there’s dessert.” 97

Caitlin West “There is.” “Fantastic. You know, there’s that place on Broadway that has a very appropriate saying. Life’s short, eat dessert first.” “I know that place! Their chocolate is to die for.” “What do you think?” “I don’t know…I mean, I’m with you on that line of thinking, but I’d be disappointed if we didn’t get to the dinner.” “Concerned we won’t be hungry?” “You might not like it as much if you’re not hungry.” David laughed. “That’s a level of selfdeprecation I didn’t expect.” “Humility. It’s what I’ve got.” “Come here a moment.” I leaned in, eyes lidded waiting for that inevitable impact to come crashing against me again. Even the promise of a soft kiss threatened to make my heart explode in my chest. My stomach entertained a flurry of butterflies as if this was my first kiss on prom night with the boy of my dreams. The second I felt his lips touch mine, the damn kitchen timer went off. Our mutual smiles ended our kiss. I remained close for a few more seconds. “It seems fate wanted to make our choice for us.” 98

Discretion Optional “Figures.” I grumbled, standing up. “I’ll just be a moment…we could eat and maybe…I dunno…watch a movie?” David settled into the couch with a long sigh, relaxing into the cushions. “Whatever you’d like,” he said, finishing off his wine. “I’m just glad to be here.” My sentiments exactly. I busied myself in the kitchen so I wouldn’t stare or jump his bones on the spot. I didn’t have any idea how long I could maintain a proper standing considering my desires. Worse, I didn’t know if I wanted to control myself. At what point does the formal game end? When can a woman just be herself like a man always is? Whoever made up this social condition needs to be kicked in the head. Hard. Lord, I hope this meal calms me down. I’m entirely too escalated for my own good.

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Chapter 12 A Little Normalcy

A

smarmy guy walked up at a club and asked would you like to do the mandango? Sorry, is it just me or does that sound like a really hairy fruit? —Abby’s Twitter The food was so uncommonly tasty that I couldn’t believe I’d made it. Everything came out as it was supposed to—golden brown chicken, supple white rice all topped with a delectable, light lemon sauce. My forays into cooking were rare, but this meal in particular was a wild triumph. We ate by candlelight at my dining room table. Dinner parties at my house typically involved people having barbecue outside, so for years my gorgeous mahogany surface was used to store mail that obscured my house keys. I had forgotten how awesome the thing was until I cleaned it off and decorated it with an antique tablecloth from 100

Discretion Optional my grandmother. We polished off the first bottle of wine and moved on to the second. Our quiet conversation rose in volume and everything was hilarious. The privacy of my home allowed us to be as obnoxious as we wanted and it was amazing to be so relaxed in David’s presence. When we were finished with dinner, I took the plates away and brought out dessert. I broke out the fancy serving crystal with long dainty spoons for a little extra oomph. The ice cream scoop I had promised on the box to make a perfectly round portion every time. Sadly, it was false advertising, so presentation was going to suffer. I threw two scoops of raspberries over each and drizzled a little chocolate over the piles and carried them back to the table with a dramatic tada. “I hope you saved room for this,” I muttered. “Not that I prepared anything here. I was pushing my luck with that chicken.” “Nonsense, that was delicious. You could’ve worked in one of those ultra fancy restaurants.” “Only if they were cool with no selection. I mean, if it was called The Chicken Bake Cafe, I’d be their go to girl…you know, three times out of ten.” David chuckled. “Maybe you should’ve botched the meal so when we got to one of your three successes, I’d be really impressed.” 101

Caitlin West “I’m just glad…” I paused for half a second, realizing I was about to tread into serious territory. “That you’re implying you’d like to be around for ten meals.” David leaned closer and looked me square in the eye. “I don’t know what you’d have to do to push me away, Abby.” He grinned. “I’m looking forward to more nights like this.” We sat in silence for a few moments and I finally looked away. “We should probably have this stuff before it melts…” “Or…” David touched my chin, urging me to look at him again. “We could have some later.” “What do you propose?” I gave him a coy smile. David gestured with his head toward the living room. “That we get more comfortable. That couch is awesome.” I took his hands and stood, urging him to join me. “The way to a woman’s heart…compliment her furniture.” Together we left the dining room. I walked backwards, never taking my eyes off of his. The backs of my knees touched the arm of the couch and I nearly fell, but David held tightly, letting me down gently. I pulled on his hands, hoping he’d take the hint and thankfully he did. He let me go, following me down and putting a hand on either side of my head. Hovering over 102

Discretion Optional me, his body gently touching mine, I felt a sort of exhilaration I hadn’t experienced for a long time. All of my desires and hopes were being tantalized in that very moment. I was finally getting what I had wanted so badly. I lifted my head, pressing my lips hard against his. The wine banished finesse and left enthusiasm in its place. We lost ourselves in each other and when I couldn’t hold my head up anymore, he went down with me. I felt a fraction of his weight on me, not quite pinning me, but it let me know he was there and that everything happening was real. My hands went to his waist, gliding up his sides before moving to his back. With quick tugs, I un-tucked his shirt and let my fingertips probe about. His skin was warm and smooth to the touch, the muscles making it tense. All propriety was gone. That caress was enough to tell me I didn’t have to wait anymore. David and I could be together in any capacity we wanted and no one would think the lesser of the other. The revelation nearly made me break the kiss and my eyes stung with tears. How had this man affected me so much? What was it about him that was so alluring? Perhaps whatever was happening to me was making my emotions stronger. Thinking was getting in the way. I shoved all my thoughts aside and focused on the tenderness of his advance, the passionate 103

Caitlin West way he brushed his tongue against mine. When we finally went up for air, I couldn’t speak, instead gasping to form words. “We should…go upstairs…” “Yeah?” He asked, his eyes gleaming in the light. “Are you sure?” “You can’t go home…you’ve had too much to drink to drive…and you wanted to be more comfortable.” “No movie?” I tilted my head. “Do…you want…” He kissed my forehead. “I’m kidding.” He pushed off the couch and helped me up. “Lead the way.” I was dizzy when I tried to walk, but David gave me a steadying arm to lean on. We got to the stairs and I gripped the rail tight, taking each step with care. Suddenly, I cursed my favorite shoes because being that tipsy made them beyond impractical. Had I been alone, I probably would’ve had to sleep it off on the couch. In the hallway, once concentration was no longer required for moving, we kissed again. Every couple of steps, we stumbled into the wall, breaking our kiss long enough to laugh. The bedroom was only a few feet away and the door was wide open. We crossed the threshold and flopped onto the mattress side by side. David scooted close to me so our bodies 104

Discretion Optional connected at the chest and hips. I wrapped a leg around his and we were making out again, this time with more passion than before. Clothes started to come off. Neither of us was particularly careful. I accidentally tore one of his buttons free just as he snapped a lace on my shirt. Half garbed, it quickly became apparent that we were tangling each other up in a mess of wrinkled attire. Flashes of skin peaked out from both of us in teasing locations. Part of my side, half of his stomach, the majority of my upper back…as we disengaged to deal with the clothes, I couldn’t help but stare at him. “What’s up?” David asked as he worked at his shirt, losing another button in the process. “Is everything okay?” “You’re…you’re very handsome.” I replied. My tone seemed to stop him for a moment, but he tossed aside the shirt before turning to look at me. I let my eyes wander over his muscular chest and well defined stomach. In the dim lighting, I wondered if my deep blush was visible. My hand absently worked at freeing my shirt entirely and without having to ask, David helped me pull it over my head. My bra was biting into my side, but as I reached to take it off, David closed the distance between us. He leaned to kiss my neck, reaching behind me 105

Caitlin West with one hand to deftly unhook my straps. The combined acts brought a shiver filled sigh but it did nothing to relieve the tension I was feeling, the erotic energy passing between us. I caressed his leg, sliding up his thigh toward his hip. The contact made him lean against me, his excitement pressing hard against my abdomen. My body felt like it was on fire.. Nothing on earth could possibly give me the sort of comfort I could get by having him right then and there. My fingers fumbled at his belt and he stopped kissing me to lean back to make it easier. I shifted to my knees, hovering over him unsteadily. Privately, I cursed my lack of grace. The pants weren’t complicated, but I was having a hell of a time with the button. When it came free, I started to tug at the waist. A sharp knock at the front door nearly made me scream. “Are you kidding me?” I smacked the side of the bed. We both looked at the clock. “Who the hell could be knocking at ten-thirty at night?” “We haven’t been noisy enough for the cops,” David offered in a whisper. “Do you think it could be someone you know? Do they ever pay you late night visits?” “Not unexpectedly.” I frowned as another knock reverberated through the house. “Shit, they’re not going away! I’m going to see who it 106

Discretion Optional is.” David put his hand on my shoulder. “Wait. Let me go.” “What?” “It’s the middle of the night. You shouldn’t have to answer the door. Who the hell knows who could be out there?” “Fair point,” I replied, rolling out of the bed and grabbing my robe. I threw it on and angrily tied the cord. “I suppose we should go.” Before we could get downstairs, the person turned to ringing the bell and they did it in tensecond intervals. “They really believe you’re here.” David whispered, moving up to the door to peer out the hole. He frowned, shrugging his shoulders. “It’s some lady. Dark hair, dressed nicely…looks like she’s in her late forties.” “What the hell?” I nudged him aside and peered out the hole. My breath caught in my throat just as my heart began to race in my chest. The blood in my veins went cold and I couldn’t feel my fingertips. All I could do was stare as the bell rang again. The physical reaction was akin to shock and I wasn’t sure if I could recover sufficiently to prevent such a state. I wanted to open my mouth to say something, to tell her to stop and that I’d open the door, but 107

Caitlin West nothing came out. Just a nonsensical one syllable word and a sigh. David’s hand brought me back to reality as he touched my back. It was a gentle reminder that he was there with me, but it didn’t help all that much. I couldn’t believe the bad timing or the fact that I wasn’t dreaming. The last few days had been full of bizarre situations that had made me question reality. Sadly, this was by far the most unusual. If my actual father descended from the heavens on a pillar of light with feathery angel wings and a flaming sword, I would’ve been less freaked out. I mean, I hadn’t seen my mother in nearly twelve years. Having her show up on the door step interrupting one of the best nights of my life was more than I could bear. That’s bound to affect a girl, right? Seriously, how is this my life? Can I have a rain check on annoying twists of fate? I’m due a little normalcy. Just not quite yet, I guess.

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About the Author Caitlin West lives in the Pacific Northwest with two cats and a mountain of books and music. Her collections range from horror to drama to romance to manga and everything in between. The Avalon Nights series was inspired by her experience with various musical acts in the Seattle area. Well, the music parts…the paranormal stuff came from watching way too much anime.