COSMIC
Sharon Maria Bidwell
www.loose-id.com
Warning This e-book contains sexually explicit scenes and adult langua...
38 downloads
1567 Views
1MB Size
Report
This content was uploaded by our users and we assume good faith they have the permission to share this book. If you own the copyright to this book and it is wrongfully on our website, we offer a simple DMCA procedure to remove your content from our site. Start by pressing the button below!
Report copyright / DMCA form
COSMIC
Sharon Maria Bidwell
www.loose-id.com
Warning This e-book contains sexually explicit scenes and adult language and may be considered offensive to some readers. Loose Id® e-books are for sale to adults ONLY, as defined by the laws of the country in which you made your purchase. Please store your files wisely, where they cannot be accessed by under-aged readers.
Cosmic Sharon Maria Bidwell This e-book is a work of fiction. While reference might be made to actual historical events or existing locations, the names, characters, places and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.
Published by Loose Id LLC 870 Market St, Suite 1301 San Francisco CA 94103-2907 www.loose-id.com
Copyright © November 2008 by Sharon Maria Bidwell All rights reserved. This copy is intended for the purchaser of this e-book ONLY. No part of this e-book may be reproduced or shared in any form, including, but not limited to printing, photocopying, faxing, or emailing without prior written permission from Loose Id LLC.
ISBN 978-1-59632-834-1 Available in Adobe PDF, HTML, MobiPocket, and MS Reader
Printed in the United States of America
Editor: C. B. Calsing Cover Artist: Christine M. Griffin
Dedication To the creators of all the science fiction and fantasy shows, movies, and books I’ve ever loved, thank you. To Fiona Glass for hinting “Axel and Snake” and thereby taking the story in an unexpected direction but with greater depth. To Alex Beecroft for suggesting how to “tweak” a scene. And last but never least, to the love of my life, who continues to read no matter what type of story I come up with.
PART ONE
Chapter One “I don’t like this.” The sound of Snake’s voice had started on a familiar whine and then died out on the sound of a hiss, so that the word “this” stretched out before fading. When stressed, Snake often sounded like the reptile of his nickname. “Now why doesn’t that surprise me?” Axel murmured in reply. Moments such as this served to remind Axel of why he had given the man that private moniker in the first place. Axel gazed around at the barren world and appreciated the other man’s unease, although he’d never admit it out loud. Fear was not an unusual condition for Snake, but Axel glanced at the man, viewing his evident distaste with wry amusement. Snake’s alarm shone visibly on his face, giving him an almost sickly pallor. Snake’s green, elongated eyes slid left and right in their sockets. His chin-length dark hair plastered his scalp as though the heat had instantly, and detrimentally, affected it. Snake held the tip of his tongue between his teeth, which almost made Axel wince, for Snake had very sharp teeth. Axel wouldn’t have been surprised to see Snake’s tongue emerge, forked and flickering, even though he knew that wasn’t the case and it was just the man’s mannerisms that made him think it should be. He allowed none of this to register on his face, even though, in this particular instance, he was inclined to agree with Snake’s sentiment. Of course, records had forewarned that this was a desolate world, so they had known what to expect… Except, admittedly, it was difficult to imagine anywhere quite this bleak. Everything was dry, cracked, desiccated: the soil, even the very air they breathed. “And people used to live here?” Snake enquired, of no one in particular. “They still do,” Axel replied dryly. “Only now they use the subterranean passages for more nefarious purposes.” They had already discussed this back on the ship, but Snake often made such tiresome remarks. Axel allowed himself a small frown when he realised that while the others ignored
2
Sharon Maria Bidwell
Snake’s penchant for repetition or stating the obvious, he had unconsciously fallen into the habit of replying. If the others had noticed, they made no comment, and he preferred they keep it that way. Axel turned his attention to Marshall, who checked the small box-like instrument he held. The other man’s already overly dry, tight curls had shrunk in the temperature, making him appear older than his years. “It’s hot,” Marshall murmured, saying the words as though they were a curse. Apparently, Snake wasn’t the only one inclined to state the obvious. “I don’t mind the heat,” Snake said, speaking so quietly that Axel struggled to catch the words. His tone implied if it wasn’t the heat he minded, he hated everything else about the planet. Axel almost made a remark, something along the lines of not being surprised that Snake liked the temperature, but he held the comment in check. It wouldn’t do to say things like that in front of Marshall. Such statements wouldn’t be safe, and he wouldn’t endanger Snake that way. Slowly, their leader turned a little to the left, and then pointed. “The entrance we want should be just over there, beyond that ridge.” At least Marshall had backed down from his first foolish notion of using the main access point. “Well,” Axel said, “we’d better get a move on.” “You almost sound as if you’re enjoying yourself,” Snake retorted distastefully. “Really?” Axel queried. “And I thought I was doing a good job of just sounding bored.” All three men moved off, Axel pausing just a moment. A strange tightness coiled its grip around the top of his spine. He glanced back, his eyes searching the distance, but he saw nothing. No one should be out there. No one would want to be out there. It crossed his mind to tell the others. Even Axel preferred to look foolish rather than actually do something stupid. He remained silent, for now, although he couldn’t shake the feeling that someone watched them.
***** Always trust your instincts. That was a lesson Axel had learned the hard way. That was the reason he’d gone back to check on Snake and found some stranger standing over him looking menacing in the recognisable black, blue, and green shimmering shell of a survival suit. Instinct was the reason that he’d decided to find out why someone would hide away on a planet you’d only want to be caught dead on, and why he’d shot to disarm rather than kill. It was also the reason that he struggled with the stranger even now, back on board the spaceship, having beamed up when klaxons had begun to ring out. Their little incursion discovered, and he and Snake fighting to gain the upper hand, Axel had left Marshall to make his way up separately. “What part of ‘we’re not Coalition’ do you not understand?” Axel spat out, still scrambling to gain purchase. It was not easy to fight in a survival suit, or fight a person
Cosmic
3
wearing one. He couldn’t get a grip on the suit; Snake’s and his hands slipped every time they tried to tighten their grasp. Then Axel realised that part of the problem was that Snake still tried to fight his way out from under their unknown assailant. Of course the stranger would fight back. “Snake, keep still!” He didn’t expect Snake to hear him, let alone obey, but miraculously, Snake hesitated, the stranger paused, and Axel was able to speak into the ensuing silence. “I told you we’re not Coalition, and we’re your only way out of here. Now I’ll ease off and we all roll apart and discuss this.” Axel was on top with Snake on the bottom, the stranger sandwiched between them. “Of course, if you prefer we can just carry on wrestling.” He gave the body under him a squeeze in an inappropriate place and grinned when the newcomer made a movement that conveyed disdain. The sound of the materialiser operating -- a noise Axel likened to iron filings rolling in a barrel -- announced Marshall’s return to the ship. Oddly, almost as if they were of a single mind, the three separated, Axel putting himself in front of the newcomer and Snake, shielding them both from Marshall’s raised gun.
***** The newcomer waited patiently. This worn-out crew and ship were proving interesting, particularly as they had a materialiser on board their spacecraft. The authorities had banned such devices since people had abused the technology to try to obtain everlasting life. Several diplomats had rematerialised in rather unfortunate circumstances, the worst of them being inside out, the best far younger than intended. The theory was sound. If one could reset the information stored in the buffer to an earlier time, there was no logical reason why you should not reappear physically younger. The problems encountered, such as retaining current memory, backed up those who cried foul on the ethics of doing such a thing, and shut the whole project down. Even owning a materialiser was grounds for execution. “What the hell is going on?” the curly-haired man snapped, stepping to the side and facing his companions. Two others entered the room, both women. One with blonde hair streaked with red, very imperious looking, the other with short dark hair and very dark eyes. She looked only interested. “Don’t ask me,” whined Snake. “Ask Axel. Ask him why he brought him up with us. All I know is he tried to kill me, he did.” He was clutching his throat, even though the newcomer certainly hadn’t struck him there. “She,” Axel said. “What?” Snake looked stunned.
4
Sharon Maria Bidwell
“I said she.” He sounded very decided, perhaps just a little pleased. The newcomer had the feeling that this man liked getting one over on the rest of the crew and that he often had the opportunity to do so. Anyway, the way he had squeezed her boob, even though it wouldn’t have been much of a feel through the suit, had told her he knew she was female. She’d known it even before that, when he’d tugged off her glove down on the planet and she’d noticed the touch of a frown tighten his brow at the sight of her slender hand. He’d pressed a peculiar object into her palm and closed her hand around it, saying, “It’s your only way off this planet.” If she had realised her escape had meant using a materialiser, knowing what it could do to a person’s molecules… Alas, to get off Sarras, she would still have willingly risked it. Making no sudden moves, she unfastened the catch of her helmet and lifted it from her head. Snake’s look of surprise was gratifying. Although she didn’t look her best -- no one could look their best having lived for several months in a survival suit -- she had no illusions regarding her looks. She was a damn fine-looking woman, and knew it. “Not very observant, is he?” she remarked casually, allowing a hint of a grin to touch her lips, and directing her smile at the one called Axel. She took in the bright glitter of his eyes, the sandy blond short hair that curled over the top of his ears. For a brief moment, their gazes met and they might have exchanged quite a bit of understanding in that look, but too quickly, the man’s face closed down, even his eyes turning blank, emotionless. The curl of surprise and disappointment in her lower abdomen was almost painful, and it alarmed her to feel that way. She never behaved this way. She never had such an immediate reaction to a man. Maybe her enforced stay on that planet really had lasted too long. Snake should never have mistaken her for a man -- her stature was too small, and she was by no means flat in the chest area, although this was minimised by the suit -- but there was little doubt that the green-eyed man had allowed himself the prideful assumption that only a man could beat him to the ground. “An insectile nightmare from biker’s hell. I like the look,” Snake said. The survival suit’s design fulfilled a very basic function. It was black and not unlike leather in its feel and construction. With the boots cut to knee height, the gloves flaring out at the wrists, and the helmet being round and insect-like, many referred to the design just as Snake had. “Just who the hell are you?” demanded the man with tight curls. Obviously, he considered himself in charge. If so, he should be doing a better job. She ignored his raised weapon. “Before we get to that, I would check your sensors if I were you. No doubt several quest ships have already been launched.”
Cosmic
5
The reaction of the crew came as no surprise. There flickered across their faces a faint look of What the hell are we doing? What are we thinking of? and then, as one, they began to leave the tiny room containing the materialiser. The stranger followed, as one of the crew now, even if they didn’t know it yet.
6
Sharon Maria Bidwell
Chapter Two Amusement tugged at the newcomer’s lips, but she kept her expression neutral while she watched the crew at their stations. She needed to assess their ability to respond to danger as well as the manner in which they regarded each other. She might already feel at home on board ship but she needed to know which crew members would give her trouble. She quickly learned that the curly-haired man went by the name of Marshall. He barked out orders and the others followed, not, it appeared, with blind faith, but reacting on instinct and understanding. In an emergency, they were on the same side. Whether that was the case in general, she would soon find out. “So, just who the hell are you?” Marshall insisted, once the spacecraft was underway. She ignored him, her fingers already moving along the line of fastenings that meandered down from the hollow of her throat, between her breasts, down over her navel to her groin. She eased the tight fabric first off one shoulder, and then the other, rolling each joint in turn, relieved. Standing there in a tight vest, she took a deep breath. She was fully aware of the men’s reactions, especially Snake’s, whose eyes popped appreciably. She might have been irritated or flattered by turn, as well as many other emotions combined, but right now, she chose to ignore them. Her sigh was one of pleasure, but it had nothing to do with sex. She was just glad to be free of that damned jacket. “You can call me Sela,” she said, sitting down to pull off her boots. “And just what the hell were you doing on Sarras?” Marshall persisted. She gave him a tired look, expressing irritation, to say the least. “We could always turn around and dump you where we found you,” he threatened. “And fly straight into a battalion of Coalition ships? I don’t think so.” “There are a number of planets in this sector.”
Cosmic
7
“All of which would be an infinite improvement than returning to Sarras, so I would be better off in any case.” She stretched her toes, wriggling them, suddenly aware three sets of eyes watched the movement. Marshall’s brown eyes conveyed antipathy. The two pairs of blue and green eyes, respectively, seemed to hold a peculiar interest. Something predatory lurked in their gazes, but she sensed three very different emotions coming from the three men. The women she struggled to read at all. The dark one seemed unperturbed, and the other oblivious to any underlying play. Or was that foreplay? Sela almost giggled. Hooking her thumbs into the waistband of her pants and wriggling her hips, Sela struggled out of the garment. She’d been in that suit for so many months it felt rather like peeling skin. Cooler air rushed in to soothe her thighs, and she had to bite back her welcoming cry, aware it would sound too much like the resonance of sex. She sat, finally, in small, white, skintight shorts and a clinging, skimpy vest. A slightly strangled sound came from Snake, though he might have been clearing his throat. She couldn’t help wondering if he remembered that, not too long ago, they’d all been rolling around on the floor together. Her mind suddenly went to places it had no business going, and Sela did her best to close down the images. Axel and Snake were both very appealing, and the way they were looking at her… She tried to feel some sense of embarrassment, but it was a small twinge, undeniably distant. After several months on Sarras, she cared nothing for modesty. If these people didn’t understand that, she couldn’t care. When one has suffered, it provides proof of what is truly important in life…and anyone who had spent any length of time on Sarras had suffered. “I repeat,” Marshall persevered, “what were you doing down on that planet?” “Probably the same thing you were,” she replied. “Trying to get my hands on the transponder.” Marshall exchanged looks with his crew. Sela gazed at him steadily. Clearly, he had failed. He didn’t have to say a word; his face did it for him. “We went through all that planning for nothing?” The blonde female expressed their exasperation. She sounded disbelieving, even weary. “Asta, I said it was a risk and unlikely to succeed.” “Yet you insisted we do it anyway, and now the Coalition knows we’re in this sector.” This complaint came from the dark-haired woman. Her voice was smooth, clear as a bell. “We can’t hide forever. We have to stand and fight!” “There’s no use in fighting when you cannot win,” the woman with dark hair retorted. “So we turn tail and run, until we’re too weak to make a difference?” Marshall sounded incredulous. “I think,” Axel interjected, “what Meliora is trying to say is that we should choose our moments. This was a waste of our time.”
8
Sharon Maria Bidwell
“And for all we know, we’ve picked up a Coalition spy.” Asta broke in on the conversation once more and backed up her declaration with an equally accusing look. Sela smiled at the blonde female, who had obviously taken an instant dislike to her. It was funny how you could just sense these things sometimes. “I’m no spy,” she said easily. “You haven’t explained exactly what you are, though,” Axel imposed. She turned her head to regard him. Nothing remarkable about him would make him stand out in a crowd, though he might have caught an interested eye. She performed a quick mental inventory, noting his hair and clothes as simply styled, practical; the fringe cut short enough so it wouldn’t fall into his vision, but long enough to bring out his best features -- those eyes -although she doubted the effect was deliberate. She took a second to wonder if he had any idea just how attractive he was. Ordinary and yet attractive could be a lethal combination. “True. I am…was a member of the rebellion.” “Then why did you attack me?” Snake still sounded upset over this moot point. Sela gave him her full attention until he squirmed under her gaze. He was no less attractive than Axel, though in a strange, almost exotic way. His black hair had a slight wave to it, particularly at the ends. He had a youthful face, but it came more from a feminine kind of beauty rather than from a sense of his age. She had the odd suspicion he was older than her best guess. His brows were as dark as his hair and set off those green eyes perfectly. The black clothes -- he had removed his outer camouflage overalls -- were a little too large but hugged him in all the right places. The armbands and kneepads made an outlandish statement. At first glance, she had surmised he didn’t know how to fight, but then the way he had moved once Axel appeared on the scene had proved her wrong. She couldn’t yet tell if his cowering had been a ruse; she just recalled his gaze darting left and right, indecisive. The almost almond-shaped eyes should have made Snake look cunning, but instead they made him appear oddly innocent. It was why she’d hesitated, and the next thing she had known was white-hot heat flaring into her hand, disarming her. At least Axel had proven he was an excellent marksman. No one could have performed such a fine shot accidentally. She still had her fingers as evidence of his skill. She wanted to glance once more at Axel, but resisted the impulse. The way they fought together left no doubt in her mind that something existed between these two, but she didn’t understand their relationship yet. These thoughts took only a moment, but aware these people awaited her response, she decided to be honest. “Are you kidding? You’re the first off-worlders I’ve seen on Sarras. I didn’t know what you wanted, or how you got there, and I didn’t care. I was just looking for a way off the planet.” “Funny way to get a lift,” Snake whined, “trying to kill someone.” Despite the evident complaint, his voice sounded rather melodious. “I wasn’t trying to kill you, just --” “Acquire some information.” Even Marshall sounded amused now.
Cosmic
9
“Right, but I didn’t bet on anyone coming back so soon. I certainly didn’t expect you to bungle whatever it was you were doing quite so quickly.” Marshall’s face darkened. So did Axel’s, but his gaze was aimed in Marshall’s direction. The look was almost imperceptible and appeared to go unnoticed by everyone else. Sela was just good at reading the subtle nuances in a person’s expression. Often, she could tell when a person tried not to reveal his or her true feelings, and this seemed like one of those moments. Snake…Snake just looked sullen. “Was a member of the rebellion?” Axel reiterated, getting back on track. “Well, I still am. At least, I’m against Coalition rule. Like you, a small group of us decided to steal the transponder. We, unlike you, had our own spy inside the Coalition and discovered that they were planning to set their headquarters inside the underground network on Sarras before they even had it up and running. We had everything planned before the installation was even operational.” “But that was nearly a year ago.” Snake sounded incredulous. “Eight months, twelve days, and half a dozen or so hours.” Sela waved one hand vaguely in the air. “We planned our attack carefully, and we succeeded.” “That’s not possible,” Snake said. “If you had succeeded, you wouldn’t be here now.” “You mean we would have stolen the transponder and got the hell off the planet. Good point, but unworkable. What would be the point in going to all that trouble of stealing the transponder only to have them detect the theft and reset the network to another range of signals a few hours later?” “You could gain quite a lot of information in those few hours,” the crew’s leader interjected. “And is that what you planned to do, Marshall?” She stared him square in the eye. “You planned to risk your lives so you could intercept a few supply ships, or blow up one or two base operations? I congratulate you on your shortsightedness.” The narrowing of Marshall’s eyes did not go amiss. Neither did Axel’s smile, though it barely touched his lips and he quickly schooled his face. She was making friends thick and fast here. “You had a better plan, I take it.” “Of course. We never intended to steal the original. We copied the components. We intended to make our own, you see.” Anyone with a copy of the Coalition’s transponder would be able to intercept all outgoing and incoming messages. Such a thing would be priceless to the rebellion. “Is that possible?” Marshall wasn’t directing the question at Sela, but at Axel. Axel apparently pondered the problem. “It is possible, but to get those type of circuit readings --”
10
Sharon Maria Bidwell
“You would need very sophisticated equipment and enough time for the calculations. We had both, and as I said, we succeeded.” “Even so, the fact that someone had been there would have been detected sooner or later.” Marshall began to pace. “Bioreadings would have been taken, and they would have known that there were intruders. Granted” -- he smiled -- “it would have given you more time, and you could have made quite a few well-planned and well-placed attacks.” “That wasn’t our plan at all. We had no interest in making hit and runs. We intended to make our attacks rare. Too many strikes in too small a time period would have only made them suspicious. They would have changed the signals even without proof that anyone had touched the transponder.” “So, to get the information you planned a suicide run.” This comment came from Axel. He supported his statement with one of those wry grins she was quickly growing to realise were his winning trademark. They certainly won her over. Sela nodded. “We knew that some of us would have to give our lives, would have to allow ourselves to be caught, so that they would think the plan had failed. Then, while they were busy congratulating themselves, one of us was to make a getaway.” “What went wrong?” “Simple computer failure. Our escape ship let us down.” “Yet there had to be two crafts.” This comment came from Axel again, very decided. “Of course, so they would believe no one escaped. Unfortunately, we were using a solar sail for our getaway, and they’re unreliable at best.” “Then why use one?” Asta asked. “Because a solar sail would be the only craft that would be undetected by their sensors.” Axel provided the answer, yet again. “Exactly. We faked a crash at the point of arrival in order to explain the bioreadings. Unfortunately, one of the men with me received severe injuries during the attempt.” Sela pulled a face and shrugged. “The best plan can go wrong, especially when you’re trying to make a spacecraft crash convincingly. Our comrade quickly grew sick from infection. The plan was we’d hide out until we could collect the transponder details from our informant. The infection complicated things.” “How so?” Marshall asked. “If the plan was for only one of you to escape?” “My companions intended to make a raid on the installation, blow a few things up, make it appear as if they’d accepted they couldn’t escape and so make a last desperate attempt to take out some of the personnel with them. In reality, the strategy was for a carefully arranged attack so none of the technicians would come to harm. This was to create a distraction at a prearranged time so that I could meet with the informant. However, with one of the men so sick, they couldn’t carry out the mission…as planned.” Sela paused, took a deep breath. “They pretended to ask for help, plead for mercy, although naturally we knew
Cosmic
11
that meant torture and execution. Both men swallowed a timed substance so that they would expire before any information could be pried out of them.” Expire was a neat way to describe suicide if ever she’d heard one; Sela had to swallow to stop bile rising to the back of her throat. “My job was to hide with the readout for the transponder. These readings our spy had taken for us but could smuggle off the planet by no other means. I was then to make my escape.” “Why you?” Sela didn’t like the suggestion in Marshall’s tone but didn’t have time to answer for Axel replied for her. “Weight. To get off the ground, the lighter the person, the better when operating a solar sail.” If she hadn’t liked his tone, the sneer that settled around Marshall’s mouth positively made Sela bristle. If he makes a crack about my weight… Once more, Axel interrupted her thoughts. “Aside from weight, to fly a solar sail takes a skilled pilot.” Sela blinked. Axel’s reply appeared to compliment her piloting skills, though he had only knowledge of what it would take to fly the craft in question to go on, but now she was unsure if he’d made an aspersion to her weight the same as Marshall had. Rather than speculate further, she continued. “The ship that crashed, the design was for two, and they captured…and killed two.” She spared a thought for the two men who had sacrificed their lives. Maybe something in her expression prompted Snake to speak. “Who would volunteer for a mission like that?” “Men who were dying from terminal illnesses anyway. Still, it takes courage to shorten your life willingly.” There were a few nods of understanding. “After that, the Coalition stopped searching. They didn’t know there was a third person, and they never bothered looking for one. If they detected my presence at all, bioreadings aren’t the most reliable and there are other creatures on that planet, especially in or close to the swamp.” She almost shivered at the memory of the unpleasant things she had found in the desert too. It hadn’t helped that the colour of the suit -- a direct result of its very survivalist capabilities -- made her stand out against the majority of the planet’s bluff landscape and look like a beetle perfect for stomping or chomping on. The only place where the survival suit had blended in nicely was the large watery areas on the otherwise desolate planet that consisted of swampland. Blending in there was equally important as the only things to observe her in the swamp would likewise bite her, if not eat her, no matter what she was wearing. Still, she’d had to venture farther afield at times, just to find sufficient nourishment, and the desert caves were more hospitable. She had preferred to live in them for short
12
Sharon Maria Bidwell
periods in spite of the increased risk of detection. Even the safest place on Sarras wasn’t safe at all. Being one of the scientists or military personnel who worked underground wasn’t the safest occupation in the universe. The planet had many natural ridgelines and caves, though the current occupants had blasted many of the caves into oblivion. Still, there were enough remaining to offer shelter and places to hide. Sela had used these wisely, never staying too long in one place. Despite the risk of approaching one of the strangers, it was logical the three men had arrived in some form of spacecraft and any chance to get off such a forsaken planet had been worth taking. “You’ve been there ever since?” Meliora enquired. It took Sela a moment to gather herself before she could answer. Just what she’d been through was gradually sinking into her mind. She’d survived, and she refused to fall apart now. “Yes. Though to be honest, I never expected to get out of there alive. It’s hard to survive on Sarras, even harder to survive and remain undetected. Even the best of soldiers can get complacent when things are quiet, and luckily, the Coalition isn’t the best. The first few days were the worst, when they continued to comb the area just to be certain. After that, I found some shelter, and I guess my survival suit did the rest.” She put it as mildly as possible, not wishing to dwell. “There’s not much to live on, on Sarras,” Snake murmured. It sounded as though he were contemplating the idea, without relish. There might have been a hint of appreciation in his voice. “Not much,” Sela agreed, with a rueful smile. She purposely pushed aside the thought of the things she had taken to eating. “So,” Marshall said, studying her. “You’re telling us that you have exactly what we were looking for, on you. What’s to prevent us from simply taking it?” Sela returned the stare. “You do surprise me. You don’t seem the sort.” “If he isn’t, I am.” It was Axel speaking, naturally. His tone implied that Marshall was capable of more than she knew, and he was capable of much more than Marshall. Sela almost shivered again, giving Marshall a second glance before replying to Axel’s remark. For some reason, Marshall still made her feel more uneasy than Axel did. Axel had ignored her sarcasm so she responded in the only manner he would respect. “I’ve no doubt, but I don’t intend to argue. I’ve no use for the damned thing, anyway. Not now. My people would have moved out of the area long ago. I might be able to track them down, in time, but they were on the move in case the plan went wrong. Considering how long it’s been, they would have had to assume the worst. By the time I find them…” She shrugged, the movement inadvertently jiggling a breast and drawing Snake’s gaze to it. Sela ignored his stare, for there appeared to be no malice in his interest. “Someone might as well get use out of it.” For a moment, she wasn’t sure if she meant her breast or the information. She truly was tired.
Cosmic
13
“What do you want in exchange?” Meliora asked. The woman sounded as though she wanted to soothe the situation. “Nothing much. Food, water, somewhere to sleep, safe passage. Oh, and somewhere to wash and clean up.” “Not a bad idea.” Axel’s tone contained undisguised disdain. Sela turned her head to stare at him. “Sorry if I offend you,” she said, aware of the odour of one who had spent months in a survival suit. “Clean water on Sarras is so rare that if you find it, you don’t waste it by washing.” Meliora glared at Axel, as though she already considered Sela a friend. “Come on,” she said, picking up Sela’s discarded gear. “I’ll get you sorted.” “And here,” Sela paused. “Perhaps you would like to start work on this.” With careful movements, Sela reached down for the jacket of her survival suit. Withdrawing a small, flat device, little enough to fit in one of the suit’s many tight pockets, she handed it over to Axel. His eyes flashed at the sight of the recorder that stored all the details of the transponder. She was taking a chance, but she needed to gain their trust. Besides, Marshall was correct in that if they wanted to, they could kill her and take the information anyway. If she managed to enjoy one last shower and one last meal, she would still be better off than she had been on Sarras. A person stuck on that hellhole without a strong enough sense of determination or resilience would have committed suicide long ago. “Ask if there’s anything you don’t understand.” Axel’s mouth drew into a sneer. His expression looked slightly contemptuous, with a hint of amusement, and an even smaller hint of respect. She wasn’t going to rise to the bait. Sela grinned back, deciding that she liked his scornful smile.
14
Sharon Maria Bidwell
Chapter Three “Where is she?” Marshall demanded when Meliora returned to the flight deck alone. Axel allowed himself the luxury of a smirk, seeing as he had his face hidden from view. Marshall sounded decidedly put out, and that was always cause for amusement. “She’s sleeping.” Meliora replied, with evident irritation. “I allocated her quarters, she showered, we talked while she ate, and then I got her a change of clothes to use after her nap.” “And how do we know she’s sleeping?” Marshall insisted. Meliora looked vexed. “She’s exhausted. Any idiot can see that.” The exchange interested Axel enough to provide him with a couple of seconds of entertainment while he waited to see if Marshall would pick up the fact that Meliora had just called him an idiot. He didn’t, and she continued. “She will probably sleep for hours. Do you expect me to watch her while she sleeps?” The pause was long enough that Axel glanced up. For a moment, it looked as if Marshall would insist she do precisely that. Then he shrugged. “No,” he said, with a hint of doubt in his voice. “No, I suppose not.” Axel -- studying, with more than a little delight, the computer readout from the disc the newcomer had supplied -- lowered his head from view so he could indulge in another grin.
***** “It seems to be holding your attention.” Axel heard the words, but he was too engrossed to respond. A short time later, he reached out to slap away the hand that moved towards the readout. Snake pulled those long,
Cosmic
15
slim fingers back, jumping as he did. Axel almost shook his head. It wasn’t as if the slap could have hurt. “Have you got nothing to say to me?” “Hmm?” He wanted to work, but he knew when Snake was in one of these moods there was no getting around it other than to answer. From the corner of his eye, he saw Snake glance around, making certain they were alone. They sat huddled on the floor, Snake cross-legged, Axel on one hip so he could reach under one of the instrument panels. He was trying to connect the readout to the main computer, but he had to rig up the right cabling to do so. The interface didn’t match their technology. It was small wonder. The Sovereignty was a good ship, if a little undeserving of such a grand name, but created from many old, used parts. Secondhand didn’t cover it in this instance. She was more like third-, fourth-, or fifth-hand, in at least half of her inner workings. “I could have died down there today. She could have killed me.” “She had no intention of killing you,” Axel said, leaning forward and bracing a shoulder against a sharp edge so he could look up at the underside of the panel. The position was more than uncomfortable but necessary. “Sela just wanted off the planet.” He shot Snake a quick glance. “Wouldn’t you?” “Well, yes. Still, things could have gone awry.” Struggling to control the smile that threatened to take over his lips, Axel said, “They did go awry. Marshall risked our necks, and it would have been for nothing if not for our unexpected visitor.” “You like her,” Snake whispered. Axel turned his head to look at the other man, even though it hurt his neck to do so. “Like you don’t?” “You know what I mean.” Axel drew his mouth into a smile, deliberately showing his teeth. “Jealous?” He put the full force of scorn into his tone. Those green eyes narrowed. The lips trembled though it might have been in fury. “You don’t trust people this easily.” “You’re wrong,” Axel informed him. “You asked if I liked her, not if I trusted her. I don’t trust her, but then again I don’t trust anyone.” “You know,” Snake said, “some days I hate you. You don’t know what might have happened. Maybe I wasn’t in danger, but you can’t even pretend to show me some concern. It might not have been Sela. It might have been one of the inhabitants. Something could have happened, especially if you hadn’t returned by some odd chance when you did.” “I came back to check on you.” “What?” Snake blinked.
16
Sharon Maria Bidwell
Axel hesitated. Prudence told him to say nothing, but Snake looked truly agitated. Still, Axel turned his attention back to his work with a dismissive gesture as he spoke. “I felt someone out there watching. I came back to check that it wasn’t just my imagination.” For a short time, silence won out. Then Snake asked, “You came to see if you were right, or because something might happen to me?” “Both.” He sensed rather than saw Snake shake his head. “That’s the best I’m going to get from you, isn’t it?” Axel turned his head once more. “Oh no,” he said. “You’ll receive better than that…later, tonight.” Snake’s gaze darkened in anger, but his nostrils flared in anticipation. Axel knew Snake too well, and he said as much in the twisted smile that he gave his darkhaired companion before turning his attention back to the instrument panel.
***** Sela made her way to the flight deck without effort. To anyone with a military background, it would be obvious that she had already memorised a large part of the ship’s layout, but she didn’t see the need for subterfuge. Either that, or months on Sarras had softened her. Maybe she truly was just too damn tired. Although she was currently ignorant of the ship’s history, or the history of the crew for that matter, Sela moved with confidence. She felt not only comfortable, but also welcome. For many space travellers, choosing a ship was not unlike choosing a home. Sela frowned only briefly, and then raised an eyebrow, smiling at the self-deprecation. Apparently she had made her choice. Although its grey surfaces should have seemed inhospitable, she moved calmly through the hollow corridors. Perhaps her good mood was due to the excellent rest, or perhaps it was something else. Perhaps she was suffering some form of hysteria. Taking into account the fact that she had resigned herself to die on Sarras, such euphoria was hardly surprising. Axel was busy recalibrating her calculations into usable theory; so busy, at first, he seemed unaware of her presence. She stood a little behind him, watching as he selected connections with a meticulousness she expected he used in everything. “This is a good effort. It’s nice work,” he said finally, his soft, husky voice rasping a little. “Are you referring to my efforts to gain the information, the work of the person who stole the diagnostics, or your work trying to copy it?” Sela enquired. “All three,” he said with a grin. The grin looked genuine. He was pleased this time, not so cynical. “Can you use it?” “It’ll take a few days, but I should have a duplicate transponder up and running by then. Then we shall see what the Coalition is up to.”
Cosmic
17
“You don’t sound too happy about that.” She might not have made the remark in the presence of the others, but they were alone, although she was painfully aware of the passing minutes, and that the rest of the crew would shortly interrupt their discussion. Meliora had provided some basic details regarding the crew’s timetable. On a ship of this size, it wasn’t uncommon for a portion of the crew to spend a good deal of time on the flight deck, but with limited crew members, Marshall apparently scheduled at least one check-in a day. She and Axel needed to finish their conversation quickly. Axel stood up and then hesitated a moment before turning to face her. He appeared speculative, and though he couldn’t fail to notice her considerably changed appearance, he made no reference to it. His manner, when he replied, was strictly concerned with business. “Marshall…often leaps without looking.” “Marshall…” Sela repeated, immediately aware that her expression indicated she now remembered where she had heard that name. “Yes.” That grin manifested again. “You’ve heard of him.” It wasn’t a question. “Who hasn’t? He’s been a thorn in the Coalition’s side for so long.” “True…but what has he really accomplished?” “Not nearly as much as he should have.” They looked at each other then, and although it could have been her imagination, it was possible they had reached a measure of mutual respect and understanding. More might have passed between them had they not been interrupted. “Oh…wow!” The exclamation came from Snake, predictably. His remark must have been for Sela’s appearance. Meliora, on his heels, gaped, taking the idea of looking stunned to a completely new level. Sela felt slight warmth enter her face. Surely she wasn’t blushing? If she did, it would be the first time it had happened in…well, forever. The rest of the crew quickly filed in behind the first two. “Your hair,” Meliora remarked. “It’s so long.” Sela moved her head, suddenly aware of it. She had kept it plaited, pinned, and tucked in under her helmet for so long it did indeed feel strange to her. Now her hair hung long and substantial, luxurious to the touch. This was the first time she had washed her hair in months, and it in no way resembled a tangled bird’s nest. The months that her hair had remained in the plait had given it a wavy curl, though, and it was dryer to the touch than she liked. A few days of good care would repair the damage. “If you hadn’t come along when you did, I was considering cutting it, to be practical.” Axel moved away, perhaps out of harm’s reach. “Vanity,” he said. “All is vanity.” Marshall was equally unimpressed with her flowing locks. “How is it going?” The enquiry was practically a grunt. He clearly asked Axel about the work in progress.
18
Sharon Maria Bidwell
“Well, although I’m not ready to make any promises.” Sela looked sharply at Axel, but he ignored her. While Marshall continued to question and Axel continued to avoid providing him with any direct answers with a mastery that she had to admire, Sela wandered around the flight deck. Meliora, no doubt noticing her interest, pointed out the controls and provided a description for their various functions. Sela let the other woman talk, although she was familiar with a great deal of the instruments, and commented that she would be able to fly this ship with the minimum of instruction. However, Meliora’s freedom with such information only infuriated Marshall. “I’m sure our guest is still tired,” he said, in an obvious attempt to distract her and appear diplomatic at the same time. Sela was quick to respond. “Actually, I’m feeling quite rested and refreshed.” “Hungry?” Meliora asked. Having her attention drawn to it, Sela acknowledged that her stomach did indeed feel a little empty. The food Meliora had provided her with earlier had been welcome, but by necessity limited. Her body was unaccustomed to a large meal. She had more than her hair to take care of in the next few days.
***** At Meliora’s insistence, they trooped down to the refectory and made the meal a group endeavour. The exercise was one intended for them to get to know Sela, so she answered their questions as lightly as possible and did her best to curb her own curiosity. If she probed for too long and too hard, they would grow suspicious, and they would demand personal information in return. She did learn that these five constituted the entire crew on a ship that truly needed a minimal dozen to keep it running efficiently. She also concluded this was precisely why Marshall hadn’t kicked her off the ship immediately. The truth was, another pair of hands would be welcome. The question of how they kept the ship running with an insufficient crew fell to Axel and Snake. Down on the planet, she had observed Snake opening an access point to the underground installation, so he’d clearly possessed some level of intelligence. Apparently, Axel and Snake had their individual and complementary skills. Between them, they had automated most of the systems. Despite their apparent animosity, their eyes glittered, expressions resembling almost smiles settled on their faces, and they became quite animated when they talked about the equipment. The other crew members rolled their eyes, and Sela at once deduced how the rest of the group had mistaken the men’s relationship as revolving around a love of technology. Pity for her; Sela had hoped for some riotous sex, if not romance. Stuck on Sarras for so many months, she hadn’t entertained a sexual thought, but now out in the universe again, it served to remind her she hadn’t had sex in nigh on two
Cosmic
19
years. No way would she make overtures to Marshall. Not even she was that desperate. It was just her luck that the only two viable men on board had eyes for each other.
20
Sharon Maria Bidwell
Chapter Four Snake glided down the corridor, slowing his footsteps as he approached Axel’s suite. Snake felt belligerent enough tonight to want to avoid the man. Maybe it would do Axel good if he didn’t always give in. Maybe he should play hard to get, just once. How difficult could it be? He made the decision there and then. If he could just make it by Axel’s room and seek the sanctity of his personal space, he would put a privacy seal on the door and avoid Axel for the duration of the rest period. The man might be spitting fury in his face in the morning, and he might have to pay the price for that another time, but tonight, just this once, Snake would show Axel that he couldn’t always have his own way. Soft light drew attention to the slight gap in the doorway. Snake turned his head, looking resolutely down at the floor, almost as though not looking would make him invisible. “Where do you think you are going?” A soft curse made its way into his mind, but he clamped down on his tongue. The rule was that he always checked to see if Axel wanted him. Some nights, the other man would send him on his way, sometimes for days, but if Axel wanted his presence, he gave it. Not
tonight. No way! His feet didn’t seem to be listening. He slid to a halt against the wall, leaning into it, seeking some way to sink into the solidity. “Snaaakkkeee.” Axel hissed out the word. “I do wish you wouldn’t call me that.” “Nonsense. You love it.” “You shouldn’t call me that, though. You might let it slip in front of the others. You let it slip in front of the new girl.” The trouble was, he did love the nickname in some perverse,
Cosmic
21
twisted way, it being the closest thing he was ever going to get as a pet label. Maybe he wouldn’t have minded if there had been some emotion behind it, but he gave and he gave, and he never received anything like love in return. The thought hardened his resolve. “Come here.” He shook his head. Seeing Axel’s eyes widen a little was undeniably gratifying. Fear chased the emotion away as Axel took a step forward. Those blue eyes coupled with all that sandy blond hair always made Snake catch his breath. Looking at Axel almost made him think of his home planet with waves crashing against a sandy shore under a blue sky, and that didn’t even account for what the man’s soft husky voice did to him. He stifled a whimper as Axel came up next to him, leaning with one hand on the wall. It meant he couldn’t retreat. He could scurry ahead to his suite, though. Unable to help it, Snake glanced that way, knowing he would never make it. The moment he moved, Axel would stop him. As though reading his mind, the man placed his other hand against the wall on the other side, effectively trapping him. “You suddenly found a backbone, Snaithen?” Axel stressed his true name. Snake shook his head before he realised what he was doing. “I’m not as weak as you’d like to think,” he protested. “No” -- Axel leaned into him, holding him against the wall with a line of bodily heat -“but you know what I can do to that backbone of yours. I’d call you spineless if I didn’t know better.” The insults emerged laced with promise. Snake blinked rapidly. A fleeting thought passed through his mind over whether he was going to cry or not. He regretted having folded his arms across his chest, in defiance, when Axel’s weight trapped his arms between them. That left Axel’s hands free to move in, to caress his sides, slipping down and then inwards. Although Snake pressed his back as hard as he could into the wall, the natural curve of his spine provided a hollow, and Axel slipped his hands into that gap. “Don’t.” Snake twisted, hating the curl of desire he felt even as those fingers brushed gently. “You know the things I can make you feel,” Axel whispered, still stroking. “You enjoy them, so why fight them? Why fight me?” His voice sounded strangled, but Snake managed to force out his words. “You know why.” The admonishment gave Axel pause. His hands stopped moving. Those blue eyes met Snake’s gaze, and stared back, unblinking. If eyes were the windows to the soul, as humans seemed to believe, Snake would have said Axel had sold his long ago. Right now, he couldn’t be sure. He might have said it was regret or pain he could see in those eyes, except you never associated those things with Axel. “Are you all right?”
22
Sharon Maria Bidwell
The sound of a feminine voice took a moment to sink into his brain. Even when he finally realised they were no longer alone, Snake had to drag his gaze towards the woman. Only when he broke eye contact did Axel step back. “Just a little disagreement,” Axel said, sounding lazy and bored. “Is that right?” It took Snake another moment for him to realise Sela was asking him. He nodded. “We…tend to disagree on many things.” She nodded, but still she looked at him. “Well, see you in a few hours,” she said. “I don’t know about you, but I need a really good rest. One where I don’t have to keep one eye open.” She made a joke of it, but Snake blinked in surprise when he realised she was opening the way for him to make a graceful escape. He hesitated only a moment, glancing at Axel who had narrowed his gaze and sported a sneer, before he took the opportunity to run off to his room. “You interrupted a private conversation,” Axel said, several seconds after Snake had closed the door to his suite. He could test the entrance after Sela had left, of course, but if Snake had set the privacy settings, he would not rage outside the man’s door. No. He could make Snake pay in many other ways, another time. “If it were private, maybe you should have taken the discussion somewhere else.” Sela turned her head and glanced around the corridor. “Somewhere less open.” “I would have done.” Although he refused to look in her direction, Axel could see from her posture that she studied him. He expected her attitude to irritate, but instead, she made him curious. He didn’t like the feeling. A few more seconds ticked by in which he finally did begin to grow agitated. He cast his gaze up to her face. “Whatever it is, just ask.” “Ask?” He nodded. “I can decide whether to answer.” Her eyes moved up and down the length of him. She folded her arms, and then leaned against the wall. “What is he?” Now, that question he hadn’t expected. He quickly contemplated bluffing, but he knew better. Reaching out, he grabbed Sela’s arm and yanked her towards the door of his suite. Expecting resistance, Axel was surprised when he didn’t meet any. However, the slight gasp that left her lips proved satisfying. Closing the door, he ordered security seals, and then turned to face her. She was looking over the contents of the room, though most of the accommodations looked similar. Still, his was more sparse than most. He never spent time here except to sleep…or fuck. Her gaze moved back to his face.
Cosmic
23
“I’ve heard Meliora call him Snaithen. Earlier you called him Snake.” Damn! Snake was right, and she had remembered it. He couldn’t believe he had made such a slip. “I’d ask you not to use it. Snake as in snaca, old English, to crawl. Synonym as in serpent. To creep.” “You’re telling me it’s just a play on words, a personal insult?” Axel shrugged. “If that were the case, I would imagine you getting the whole crew to use it.” Again, he shrugged. “I’m an uncharitable kind of guy. I don’t like to share…anything.” “Even insults? My, you are reclusive.” She paced a little while he watched her, warily. “I thought it was a joke, at first. I mean, the guy moves oddly, and there’s something peculiar about his eyes, but…” She turned to face him, raising her eyebrows. “Do I really need to go on, or shall we banter some more and both lose out on sleep?” Axel growled. The sound rumbling out of him made him jump. No one had caused such a reaction in him for years, and he wasn’t certain if it was because the woman upset him, or because she clearly knew something about Snake’s ancestry. He covered his loss of composure by advancing towards her. He stalked across the room, and she backed up, putting out a hand as though to stop him. Despite the gesture, he quickly noticed the lack of fear in her eyes. Her expression cleared, became blank, much as his own was doing. They stood there, preparing to fight, and he didn’t know how it had come to this so quickly. He took a deep breath, calling his senses back, drawing his mind away from that place where he held a violent streak in check. The knowledge that he did this disgusted him, but he also accepted it wasn’t his fault. The Coalition was to blame. “He’s a mosasaur,” he said, before he even knew he intended to tell her. A slight crease appeared on her brow. He watched as her personality bled back into her eyes. She hesitated a moment longer, and then lowered her hand. “That’s not possible,” she said. “They’re extinct.” “Not quite. Just widely scattered, and in severe danger of extinction.” “I once thought they were a legend.” She looked up into his eyes, though they differed only a little in their respective heights. This was one tall woman with good, solid…incredibly long legs. Realising he had lowered his gaze to look at Sela’s legs, Axel hid his reaction by turning away, to pace. Finally, he turned back to her, but she seemed not to have noticed, so apparently lost was she in the idea of a genuine mosasaur being on board the ship. “I mean the term isn’t even correct. Mosasaur as in an extinct marine lizard and related genera…” Her voice trailed away. Just as well, for she sounded as though she were reading from a biology text. She finally appeared to notice Axel was still in the room. “They aren’t related to lizards. They’re…”
24
Sharon Maria Bidwell
“I know. Why do you think I call him Snake? I’m not going to argue this. Like snakes, some argue his race evolved closer to mosasaurs; some claim they should be identified with varanids.” Both terms applied to the evolution of snakes and the belief that they may have evolved from lizards. “Nothing is going to make me believe in a reptile man either way.” “He’s not…I mean there’s nothing…” She stopped, giving him a look he found curious. “I mean, biologically…” She might never finish a sentence again, but one thing was clear. She knew more than animosity existed between the two men, her query suggesting Axel knew something of the other man’s body, and didn’t like to ask questions relating to Snake’s sexual performance. The question that concerned Axel was what she would do with all this information. “If anyone else here on this ship works out what he is, I’ll know where it came from.” He dropped the tone of his voice lower, intentionally, letting her know he wouldn’t be pleased. “If anything happens to him as a consequence, I’ll know who to blame.” “They don’t know?” She sounded incredulous, and it tempered Axel’s anger. She had a point. “How many years has he been on this ship?” “He was here before I came, and I joined this group about four years ago. So…long enough.” She blinked. “Are they just that blind, or are they ignorant?” “Both, in various degrees. Asta and Meliora don’t worry me, though.” “Marshall?” She made it a question. He hesitated, and then nodded. “Marshall would hand him over in a heartbeat.” Sela frowned. “How can you follow a leader you can’t trust?” “I don’t trust anyone.” To how many people was he going to have to explain that? “I follow no one either.” “Marshall would really sell him?” “Not unless it suited his purpose, but quite possibly, yes. He’s a little…racial, shall we say, when it comes to species. There are plenty who would pay top whack for one of Snake’s kind.” “You’re short of funds?” “No, but if we were, Marshall would consider it. More likely, he’d use Snake as a bargaining chip.” “The women would stand for that?” “Most likely Snake just wouldn’t return one day, and we’d hear how he had valiantly died in an ambush. Marshall would think up some excuse, and Asta would believe him.” “I noticed that. She would believe anything he had to say.” Sela’s perspicacity surprised Axel. She looked thoughtful again. “So it’s true, the reason they became…may become extinct?”
Cosmic
25
Axel nodded. Sela swallowed in apparent distaste, and he couldn’t blame her. “I can see why many liken them to snakes,” he elaborated. “The unscrupulous, which include mercenaries and the Coalition, have used mosasaurs for many medicinal purposes in similar ways.” “Such as?” It sounded as though she didn’t really want to hear the reply, but she had asked, and he would answer. “They’ve used the skin sloughed from…certain areas. The gallbladder. They’ve used them to treat skin diseases, hemorrhage, convulsions, and pain. The list goes on. They seem to have remarkable regenerative abilities, and many scientists tried to harness that. It’s said that some of them carry venom, but Snake doesn’t, and he can neither confirm nor deny it. He’s not had much chance to interact with any of his race. He’s one of the few who left the homeworld at the last possible minute and even then, Snake was quite young. He remembers the planet more than he remembers his people.” He paused. “There are those who also found them good for…nourishment.” He stopped talking; she had put up a hand as though she knew what he was going to say, too late. He’d deliberately chosen a modest word to cover his explanation. Still, he couldn’t pander to her sensibilities. He wanted to stress how important it was to protect Snake. He didn’t know this woman, but so far, he liked what he saw and hoped it wasn’t an error in judgement. “So, you do care about him?” Her remark brought him out of his thoughts. “What?” “Despite your hostility and seeming irritation with him, you care.” “I don’t…” Words failed him. If he didn’t care, then what was he feeling? He shook the thought off. He didn’t want to care and couldn’t afford to. “I don’t want to see him dissected if that is your meaning. I wouldn’t wish that on…” “Anyone?” she provided, when his sentence trailed off. “On most people,” he said. “There’s always the exception.” He didn’t mean Sela directly. He had other candidates in mind, but if she said something that meant Snake got hurt then no matter what he felt for Snake, or why, he would gladly add her to the list, and he let her know it in his tone of voice, indeed, his whole expression. “You don’t have to worry,” she told him. “Good. Then that means you don’t have to worry, either.” Her single nod said that she understood him perfectly. Axel just wished he could understand his own actions so easily.
26
Sharon Maria Bidwell
Chapter Five “Can I help?” Certain Snake had been aware of her for some time, Sela chose her moment to make her presence inescapable. There came a small movement from the man but it conveyed many things, most of all discomfort. She ignored it, and sat down beside him, duplicating his posture by crossing her legs. Strings of cabling hung down from the open instrument panel. They were so multicoloured as to be almost pretty. “Axel told me to do this,” he said. “Did he mean you couldn’t have help?” The gesture of a small smile kept his lips closed, but pulled them up a little on the left side. Snake had quite full lips. His mouth wasn’t wide. In fact, he had quite a slender face that narrowed out at his chin. A very small cleft in the center of his chin, and rather cute dimples either side of his mouth, drew one’s gaze to his lips. His lower lip was fuller than the top, but overall, it made one wonder what it would be like to kiss him. The more she looked at him, the more Sela saw that although Snake was undeniably male, he also possessed some feminine qualities. On impulse, she reached out to brush his hair back from the side of his face so she could see the angle of his cheekbones. The gesture revealed his ears slightly in the split second before he flinched back. His eyes widened in alarm, and she truly met his gaze for the first time. Not only were Snake’s eyes the most gorgeous shade of green, but she could see a slight slit to the pupils, just like a reptile. She might not have noticed it, if they weren’t sitting so close, and he wasn’t looking at her with such undisguised horror. She could understand why. His ears were by no means pointed, but they weren’t human. It didn’t matter that she had seen, but she was at a loss as to what to do to reassure him. He probably had more to fear from Axel than from her, but how could she tell him that? Maybe it was best she say nothing.
Cosmic
27
“I’m sorry,” Sela said. “I had no right to touch you.” His gaze searched her eyes, as though he were seeking some reassurance. She kept her face blank, harmless. Whether he believed she had failed to notice his ears, he clearly decided not to mention the subject. “I…wouldn’t mind, usually. You just took me by surprise.” “You wouldn’t mind me touching you, or just anyone?” He clearly struggled not to grin, but that smile tugged at his mouth, accentuating his dimples. He still didn’t part his lips. Maybe he never revealed his teeth when he smiled. “You could trim this wire for me,” he suggested, most likely as a way to avoid her question. They sat there in silence for some minutes, working. The sound of voices announced Marshall and Asta’s approach. “When I want an opinion, I’ll ask someone more likely to provide me with the right answer.” Marshall sounded decidedly annoyed. His masculine and somewhat harsh voice trailed off as he noticed Sela and Snake working together. Sela kept quiet. Both she and Snake kept their heads down, their fingers busy with cabling. Marshall started up the conversation again, and moved on. Even after his departure, his displeasure remained, filling the room like a foul scent. Unable to help it, Sela sighed. Snake turned his head to look at her. “I know I have no right to ask anyone here to trust me, but somehow, I feel I’m going to tire of Marshall’s attitude extremely fast.” “Get used to it,” Snake muttered. “He’s never any other way.” “I can’t believe Asta lets him talk to her that way.” Snake shrugged, looking uncomfortable. “People let others get away with more than they should.” Way to put one’s foot in it. She’d forgotten how Axel spoke to Snake at times. Sela sat watching him for a few seconds, wondering how she could get Snake to talk. “Do you know Axel well? Do you trust him?” she asked finally. The dark-haired man jerked. The movement was slight but sharp. Clearly seeing she had noticed, he said, “You surprised me. I know him probably as much as anyone. I don’t think trust is something I’ve ever thought of in the same sentence with Axel’s name.” “Then why…” She stopped, shaking her head. “I think you can trust him,” she said, despite her earlier uncharitable thought. Those green eyes shifted in her direction. “I think you can trust Axel more than you believe. I hope in time you might decide to trust me.”
*****
28
Sharon Maria Bidwell
Over the next few days the crew’s acceptance of her improved only marginally. Although Sela had only been with her new companions for a short time, she was a quick judge of character, and these people were painfully easy to read, but the one that concerned her most was their self-appointed leader. Marshall was handsome in a rugged sort of way, with curly brown hair turning to silver and an emotionless gaze, unless he was talking politics and then his eyes glowed almost feverishly. His olive complexion had a coarse, rough texture. An unmistakable pattern of scars also crisscrossed his face. Although the scars were proof of a life of warfare, they were unfortunate for a leader of rebels, who wanted to remain inconspicuous. Although most of this scarring was fine, light, silvery threads marring his face and forearms, one heavy scar down the right side of his cheek no amount of masking would be able to conceal, and no surgeon would be able to improve. Though the scarring marred his handsome features, it also gave him a decided depth of character. It made one curious. Unfortunately, if any woman began to delve too deeply into this man’s character, after foolishly allowing that hardened visage to draw her in, she couldn’t help being disappointed. Marshall saw himself as a new world leader, an idealist. He was a self-serving radical and bordered on megalomania. Fanatics in any guise, even on the side of right, were dangerous. Although he was an excellent tactician most of the time, Sela could only hope that these people, these followers of his, saw the same danger signs that she could see in him. Marshall was capable of sacrificing every one of them, if he thought it was for a greater purpose. In that, Axel was spot-on. Marshall maintained that he ran a crew governed by democracy here, but at the same time, he hardly disguised the fact that he hated a word of his refuted. The way he often snapped and treated those on board with apparent contempt hardly brokered loyalty. The way he spoke to Asta… Sela shook her head. The man treated Asta the most disdainfully, yet the woman clearly adored him. A man who trusted no one but himself to the extent that he would not listen to reason was a danger to them all. Marshall was the type of man who would turn down a better plan simply because he had not thought of it, and risk getting them all killed just for the sake of proving his own managerial skills. There was a good reason Sela had disliked him immediately, almost as much as he seemed to dislike her. What she was about to suggest would make her even more unpopular in his eyes. The crew were all on the flight deck, sitting or standing at various workstations. She stared up at the viewing screen, and then leaned forward, flicked a couple of switches, pressed a button. Instantly, a star chart overlay their view of the galaxy. Marshall backed up the flare of indignation in his eyes with a soft snort. Nor could she fail to notice the smirk that settled about Meliora’s lips. She ignored both. She chose, instead, to study the outlying areas of space. “Aren’t we near…” She hesitated, and then nodded. “I thought so. Venusian 6.”
Cosmic
29
Since the intergalactic war, the people of Venusian 6 had taken control of this sector. Actually, beaten it into submission was more accurate, but some would call that semantics. King Saul now ruled here, though whether the title held any true links to a royal line, or was just a designation that the man liked, no one knew. Overall, it could have been worse. Anything was better than Coalition dictatorship. She understood Hiam Von Castellan, president of the Coalition and his sidekick, vicepresident Daymer Mar, too well. They cared about power and taxing the heart and soul out of the poor people, a component of history that endured. “You know very well we are,” Marshall replied. His tone indicated that he did not appreciate playing such games; at least, not when he was on the losing end of the banter. It was a pity, then, that it seemed so often the case. “Get to the point,” he insisted. “It’s just that I wondered how long your people have been in space.” “Too long,” Snake replied, and then looked sharply away from Marshall’s withering gaze. “Well, it’s just that as we’re so close, and it’s still going to take a while for the computer to decipher the readings, perhaps your people might like the break. I don’t see any reason why they can’t use the time to relax a little.” “I’m sure you don’t,” Marshall almost growled, “but the fact remains --” “Venusian 6!” Snake perked up. “Isn’t that the party planet?” He quickly schooled the glee that erupted across his face at the sight of Marshall’s dark gaze. Sela smiled. “Indeed, it is.” “I don’t know,” Asta spoke up. “I don’t like sitting around too long in one spot. There’s no knowing when the Coalition is going to show up.” “Venusian 6 isn’t under the Coalition’s jurisdiction,” Sela explained. “King Saul has declared many of his planets neutral territory, including this one. It’s one place you can visit and enjoy a true feeling of security. That way you can really relax and really spend. King Saul likes it that way.” “Oh, I’m sure he does,” Marshall rejoined. “I’m sure he loves collecting the exorbitant taxes he levies for that feeling of security.” His tone clearly stated that he detested the king for it. “Of course,” Sela said with a smile, “but it’s a small price to pay, nowadays, for peace of mind. Anywhere you can put your feet up without worrying about a gun being pointed at your head, or your food being poisoned, is going to charge for the privilege.” “If this place is so great,” Snake enquired, “then why not just live there? Why bother to leave at all?” “Oh, you can stay there as long as you like.” Axel spoke in that tone that was a strange mixture of cynicism and amusement. “So long as your money doesn’t run out. Of course, with such high fees and gambling losses, no one can afford to stay there forever.”
30
Sharon Maria Bidwell
“Can we afford it?” Asta asked. Sela was surprised. Snake was noticeably interested, despite Marshall casting that glowering gaze in his direction, and it was possible that Meliora would be open to her suggestion, but she hadn’t expected Asta to be her petitioner. These people had clearly been in space for a long time. Marshall was plainly exasperated. “This planet is owned by the same type of person we are hoping to defeat. This would be like putting money into the hands of the enemy.” “So, what have we stored up all that stolen wealth for?” Snake sounded more than disillusioned. “I mean, I’m not against wealth, or even the storing of it, if I’m the one doing the storing, but it’s been sitting there forever. I mean, what’s the use if we never see the benefit?” “I imagine Marshall has plans for all that lovely money.” Axel addressed them without even taking his gaze from the readout. He tapped in a couple of directives. “That money is to raise an army, the likes of which has never been seen. That money is to win the war!” Marshall backed up his statement by pounding one fisted hand into the palm of the other. There proceeded an awkward moment of silence. Quite plainly, a fanatic led these people, and they at least had the decency to look a little embarrassed about it. Sela caught Axel’s gaze and his surreptitious wink. Things were plainly not as they appeared and not as Marshall imagined them to be. “Marshall,” Asta prompted, and in that moment, it was clear that she was the one he was willing to listen to, and would possibly consider her advice. That was interesting. Despite the way Marshall treated her, Asta could get through to him at times. She often seemed to be a calming influence. Was it possible these two had a secret relationship? “We have been in space a long time, and we do need a break. If we grow tired, we’ll get sloppy and be no use to you. What harm could a day or two do? And how much difference would a couple of thousand marks make?” Marshall looked around at the crew. It was patently obvious that he wasn’t happy with the idea, but it was also clear that he knew he had lost this round. “I suppose you want in on a share?” He jerked his chin in Sela’s direction. “I didn’t notice you had any currency on you.” “I hardly had need of it, on Sarras.” “So, you expect me to finance a good time for all.” “You’re not financing us. We all have a share.” Although Axel spoke quietly, there ensued another awkward silence. Axel had just reminded their leader he didn’t own all the currency on board ship. “She’s not a member of the crew.”
Cosmic
31
“Something we should probably decide on,” Axel stated, now reminding Marshall that he didn’t have complete autonomy. Marshall gritted his teeth. “We’ve not known her long enough to make that sort of decision.” “How long did you know me?” Meliora asked. “Or any of us? How long was Axel on board before you made him one of the crew? You saw he had skills, and you made use of them.” “What skills can she offer?” “She’s a fighter,” Axel said. “Resourceful,” Meliora added. “She did manage to stay alive for a long time in hostile circumstances.” “This is about trust!” Marshall’s complaint indicated that their reasons weren’t quite good enough. Axel snorted. Marshall whirled, glaring at him, his hands balling into fists. “I can stay on board while you all go down,” Sela suggested, drawing his attention back to her purposely. She could take the heat. She didn’t think the rest of the crew needed it. “You will not stay up here alone. I’m not giving you free access to the ship.” “You’ll have to, if we make her one of the crew,” Axel chimed in. “For now, we can restrict where she goes when the rest of us aren’t here. She doesn’t have the code to the computer.” “What if she hacks in?” Axel took his attention away from what he was doing for the first time. His gaze rested on Marshall’s face, and he raised one eyebrow. Sela struggled not to grin. Axel had set up the codes and to crack them wouldn’t be easy. It might have seemed like arrogance on his part, except he was just that good. “All in favour of making Sela one of the crew,” Meliora said, raising a hand. Marshall looked back at her, startled. He seemed to have forgotten what they were discussing. Snake put up his hand immediately, though it dropped an inch or two as Marshall focused on him. Sela couldn’t be sure if the limb didn’t tremble, but Snake kept his hand raised. Axel added his hand to the vote, though more slowly. Although the vote was already three against two, several pairs of eyes flicked towards Asta. While they waited, Sela was tempted to ask whether she could join in on the vote, but that wouldn’t help matters. Very slowly, Asta raised her hand. Marshall obviously didn’t like it, but he nodded, though he kept his hand down. “What that means,” Axel elaborated, “is that you now own one share of all that we have. You choose to leave and we’ll divvy up the finances. That doesn’t mean you can stick around for a day or two and walk off with one sixth of the loot,” he added with a wry grin. “You need to stick around far longer than that.” His tone suggested that he wondered how
32
Sharon Maria Bidwell
long she would last. Seeing how long she had survived on the inhospitable planet, Sarras, that didn’t bode well for her stay on board. “And the planet?” Meliora asked. “Very well,” Marshall said after a moment’s apparent consideration. “We’ll make a stop, but I expect you to get this revelling out of your systems, and get back in the saddle to fight.” Sela almost winced. She would have if Marshall hadn’t been staring at her when he said it. Saddle? On a space ship? The man sprouted ancient clichés and mixed metaphors as if they truly meant something. She had the good sense not to meet his gaze directly, for she might have laughed, and his gaze was undeniably challenging. She had just stepped on his toes, and he wasn’t about to forget it.
Cosmic
33
Chapter Six “Be careful down there.” Axel kept his voice casual. Snake’s green eyes blinked, though Axel couldn’t read the emotion behind them. “I thought the planet was safe.” “It is. That doesn’t mean someone may not notice and will fail to remember you.” Snake nodded. He wore a high collar, with his hair brushed down against the sides of his face, and fluffed out. It helped minimise his delicate features, but they couldn’t do anything about those eyes. Well, they could, but if Snake suddenly took to wearing contacts, the rest of the crew would wonder why. They would be on the planet for a day and a night, then be gone. Snake had to survive amongst this crew for a long while yet, maybe on a permanent basis. A small frown appeared in the centre of that forehead. Axel quickly looked away, clamping down on the image that went through his mind. He liked Snake’s frown, though not here and now. He liked to see Snake frown for an altogether different reason. “You told me to take care.” Yes, he had done that. Axel shrugged. “Aren’t you coming with us?” Snake asked, loud enough for the others to hear. “Unlike some of us, I have work to do.” His reply was predictable enough. “Come now, Axel,” Meliora said. “You know as well as I do that you’ve done your part and now it’s up to the computer to finish the calculations.” She grinned mischievously. “Even you need to relax sometime.” “What? Axel? Relax?” Snake almost sneered. “You forget, Meliora, automatons don’t need a break.”
34
Sharon Maria Bidwell
Axel’s eyes narrowed at the remark, but otherwise he made no outward sign that he even heard the comment. The remark didn’t bother him so much, but hearing it from Snake was both surprising and upsetting. He didn’t like to think why. “Come on!” Other members of the crew chimed in. Marshall finished for them. “Actually, they’re right. Despite the fact that I’m not entirely happy being here, now that we are, it would be foolish not to take advantage of the situation. There’s no knowing how long it may be before we get another chance to get off this ship.” There came then a momentary hesitation on Axel’s part, prior to that grin he was aware they all knew so well. He didn’t care. They could make of his grin what they would. “Oh, all right,” he said graciously, almost patronising in his obsequiousness. “After all, I suppose someone has to make sure you lot don’t get into too much trouble.”
***** It came as no surprise to Sela when, upon disembarking, Marshall made his excuses and went off about his own business. Axel gave a soft snort. “Odds?” he said quietly. Meliora and Snake chuckled, but Asta, staring after the man, glared at them all. She obviously wanted to go with Marshall, but he had refused the suggestion, politely and undeniably. Asta flounced away, and then the energy went out of her movements. She wandered off, looking dejected. Sela couldn’t decide if the two of them were in a sexual relationship or not. “Any ideas what we should do?” Meliora asked. “Yes,” Sela replied, “but just a minute.” She walked over to a stall selling visors and selected a black and silver one with a small green light running along the sides of the frames. She walked back to Snake and slipped the visor over his eyes, taking care not to disturb his hair and reveal his ears. The planet had no natural oxygen. Although the builders had sited the complex under a dome with views of the blackness of space, the fluorescent lights were bright. Many visitors wore such visors. She leaned forward and kissed Snake on the tip of his nose. “It suits you,” she told him. Meliora laughed, but as Sela met Axel’s gaze, his look said he understood her reasoning. Possibly, he even approved. The four of them wandered off in two pairs, agreeing to meet for the feast later that night. “Did I miss something back there?” Sela asked. “I didn’t understand Axel’s remark when Marshall walked off.” The other woman made a peculiar movement. Sela couldn’t tell if it was a halfhearted shrug or Meliora was flinching. “He meant what were the odds that Marshall was going off to get laid.” “Ah.” Now Sela understood Asta’s extreme reaction. There went unrequited love, though to be honest, that hardly described what Asta seemed to feel for Marshall. There appeared a type of hero worship at work there, tinged with an uneasy resolve. Though Asta
Cosmic
35
clearly wanted to believe in the man, she seemed to have unwanted yet undeniable doubts. Asta paid complete attention to Marshall, hovering on his every word, and yet there were times when she hesitated, as though she was considering what he had said, and wondering if it made sense. The woman was smart…or could be if she only allowed herself to question. One had to wonder why such a woman had fallen in line with this mismatched group. Asta had made no secret over the fact that she came from a rich, highbrow family. That she was now an outlaw seemed incredible. Sela voiced the observation to Meliora. Meliora looked down the long corridor where in the distance they could still just about make out the retreating figure of the diminutive woman. “Coalition officers killed her family during a raid on her city. It was an ‘accident’ by all accounts, but you can imagine how she has felt ever since. Her father was involved with local politics and… Well, she couldn’t come to terms with the fact that the very people he stood for were the cause of his death.” Meliora met her gaze across a display of feminine trinkets. “Of course, I know what you’re thinking.” “You do?” “Certainly. I know Asta seems out of place among us, and in many ways, she is. I can only feel sorry for her.” “Sorry?” “She doesn’t belong with us. She isn’t much of a fighter. Although she can aim a gun well enough, in hand-to-hand combat she would lose every time. There’s too much of a lady in Asta, and there always will be. She still sees herself as the outcast princess -- cast out of her ivory tower, that is -- and as long as she continues to feel that way, she’ll never be one of us. That means that she doesn’t belong anywhere. That red in her hair, a poor attempt at disguise, proves just how inept she is.” Sela gave that some thought. Maybe the woman’s obvious feelings for Marshall stemmed from the idea that in Asta’s view no doubt any woman of her rank should align herself with the highest available prospect. Marshall was the leader, and therefore it would make sense in Asta’s mind that she belonged with him. Now she understood why Asta ignored Axel and Snake. What Meliora wanted, Sela had yet to figure out. “And you?” Sela asked. “Me?” “Do you feel sorry for you? Do you feel as though you don’t belong?” “Goodness, no! I couldn’t imagine my life being any other way. Unlike Asta, my folks died when I was only a child, and I really can’t remember them. I suppose I could let it get to me, but what’s the point? They died in an accident -- a genuine one -- so it’s not as if I have a burning hate or desire for vengeance with which to contend. I’m an orphan and nothing can change that. You can only mourn for so long. I know many people think I should bemoan my unfortunate circumstances, but I’ve never really considered being alone a bad place to be.”
36
Sharon Maria Bidwell
“I know what you mean,” Sela said, but although she smiled, there was a touch of ruefulness about the gesture.
***** Axel and Snake went to a more quiet area of the complex to get a drink while they decided what they wanted to do. Sitting in a darkened booth, Snake removed the visor and fiddled with it, watching the little green lights running back and forth along the sides. Sela had chosen the colour on purpose. It matched his eyes. He looked up. “She knows.” Axel sat and said nothing. “You told her?” “She knew. Or as close to for it not to make a difference.” A slow, crawling sensation slithered over Snaithen’s skin like… He almost laughed. It felt like snakes. He thought of all the things he could lose and not just his skin. The chances were, with so few of his kind left in the galaxy, anyone who captured him would keep him alive. The spinal fluid they could extract on a regular basis would probably assure his survival. He would end up in restraints, with a permanent tap that would probably paralyse him, but they wouldn’t care about that. No one would ever stroke his spine for the right reasons again. Axel sighed, folding his hands together and leaning forward on the table with his elbows. The sound, so unusual to hear from the man, pulled Snake out of his maudlin state with curiosity. “I don’t think you need to worry,” Axel told him. “Easy for you to say.” “Not as easy as you think.” “What?” “Nothing. I just don’t think you have any more to worry about from her than any of the rest of the crew. Probably less.” “Does that include you?” Axel’s lips parted as though he might speak. Then his gaze flicked up to Snake’s face. He looked uneasy, and that was even more unusual. “Put the visor back on,” he said. “She was right. It does suit you.”
***** “Do you often get such great ideas as this?” Meliora’s voice drifted across the room, echoing off the marble pillars and walls, only absorbed, finally, by the soft, luxurious rugs, which adorned the floor. “All the time,” Sela replied, sounding as lazy and unresponsive as she felt.
Cosmic
37
She had suggested that they visit the baths, her desire undisputed; it had been a long time since Sela had been able to soak like this. On Sarras, the absence of water had not only been an inconvenience to personal hygiene, it had become a life-threatening angst. She had explained to Meliora that she had made herself a promise never to take water for granted again. Already the attendants had washed and cut her hair. They had trimmed and shaped her nails and plastered her face with all kinds of creamy mixtures. Now, she lay in a hot mixture of greenish mud, just letting the cares of the universe melt away. Soon they would come to order her out of this strange mixture. Then she would shower and dry off before finishing the ritual with a massage and the caress of fragrant oils. The spa set aside quiet rooms for rest after receiving treatment, so there would be time to sleep before changing for the evening. No doubt owing to the swiftly developed friendship she had come to share with Meliora, the woman had been open and informative. Sela reacted instinctively, realising that this was a privileged position she held in the woman’s affections. Meliora was too smart to unburden her soul with just anyone. Sela could easily abuse such a relationship, though she would never do so lightly. It was interesting enough for her to wonder if she could say the same of anyone else in the crew. She didn’t want to think about that now. She wanted pampering. This was pure luxury, as was her masseur, whom she met twenty minutes later. He was handsome in an ancient, myth-like way, with tanned skin, highly defined lean muscle, and unruly, curly dark hair. He could be a sculpture come to life. The firm, sure strokes of his hands gave a hint of his strength only. His fingers slid over her skin, spreading the fragrant oil, which he’d poured over her in a warm, dripping rain, creating a smooth, unhampered passage. She sighed, laid her head on her folded arms, and set her mind to drift and her eyes to watching him. He knew it, too. His smile said as much. No doubt, many women liked the look of him. Sela couldn’t tell if his smile contained arrogance, and she gave it little consideration. Did he respond to all women who looked at him this way, or did he choose? Did she even care? His attention moved from her back to her sides, scooping at her hips, his fingers moving farther down until they slid under the edge of the towel that covered her rump. The movement was slightly indecent, but just the right side of safe. She hesitated over a protest, annoyed with, and yet enjoying the curl of pleasure deep within. She hadn’t said no, but she didn’t say yes, so he moved his attention back to her sides. Perhaps deciding he could find another way to persuade her, he stroked upwards until his fingers swept across the slightly apparent swell of each breast. His touch was a suggestion only, being that she lay on her front, her breasts safely pressed against the padded table. Still, a small sound escaped her lips. She hadn’t meant it to and almost gasped, as if she would try to suck the noise back down. He had to have heard. A moment later, it became obvious that he had. His fingers grew more insistent.
38
Sharon Maria Bidwell
“Wait,” Sela said, but softly. Lifting her head in alarm, she looked across to the next space where Meliora seemed to be having a more conventional massage. No one had heard Sela’s slight protest, though, and the man didn’t seem to pay attention to her complaint, as his fingers moved in. Unfortunately, she had made it easier for him by lifting her head. Although the position was far from perfect, his fingers brushed over her left nipple. The flesh pebbled, and she opened her mouth to complain, but at the same time, the sensation that shot through her made her lower her head and bow her spine. His right hand took the opportunity to slide underneath her. He lightly pinched both hardening nubs of flesh, and she could no longer deny the heat of desire flowing from her centre. She grew moist, and at once closed her eyes only to see a vision. A pair of blue eyes stared at her above a cynical smile. Sela almost gasped anew, but for a different reason. Damn Axel! She couldn’t be attracted to him. She could entertain an attraction for Snake more than she could Axel. Clearly, the man could be infuriating. She sensed something selfish in him, but she also sensed…other things. Out of anyone in the crew, he was the most perplexing. It would be just like her to fall for a “bad” boy. Just as well he was taken, and she needed to remember that. What good would it do her to fancy some guy that she couldn’t have? All the advances humankind had made and they still couldn’t do a thing to cure the human heart of love. Well, she wasn’t going to allow it, no more than she was going to give in to her lust in an open room where the only partitions were soft flowing drapes. As if he had read her mind, the man attending her asked, “Do you wish a private space?” She blinked, amazed that he asked such a thing, and surprised by her own amazement. She would have thought long gone were the days when anyone could have shocked her. Not doubting his meaning for a minute, the very idea made her sober. The drunken tide of lust receded. Were the attendants part of the service? Did the man offer because he wanted to, or because it was part of the job? Would he charge? The thought was a little too close to somewhere she didn’t want to go. The words, “No, sorry,” slipped from her lips even as she slid off the table. His look of disappointment didn’t go unnoticed and was rather nice, but it didn’t make her change her mind.
***** When Axel asked Snake where he wanted to go, the alien replied while keeping his eyes averted. Axel had managed to swallow his sigh at the time, but now, looking around the establishment, he regretted agreeing to this. He had known that Snake would come here, the moment they learned Venusian 6 had a maskjln. Axel had indulged Snake’s proclivity before, but the alien’s interest still mystified him. He had never asked him about it, though. “What do you get out of this?”
Cosmic
39
It took a moment for his question to register, but finally Snake tore his gaze from what was happening up on the main stage to look at him. Axel almost cursed that the visor would not allow him to see those green eyes, but better to keep Snake safe than pander to a whim. “What do you mean?” Axel glanced at the two men currently servicing a third. They were not only performing for the audience; they were lost in what they were doing. The “performance” was very have-at-it. He didn’t feel discomfort, exactly, but he couldn’t say he was interested, or that it aroused him. When he looked back at Snake, although he couldn’t see his eyes, by the tilt of Snake’s mouth, Axel believed the other man was frowning. “Does this really do anything for you?” Axel asked him. Snake sat quietly for just a minute. “If I say yes, and the same doesn’t apply to you, then you’ll look at me oddly. If I say no, then you’ll wonder what we’re doing here, and won’t believe me anyway. I always seem to be stuck in an awkward position with you.” Blinking, Axel glanced away, and then looked back at him. If Snake realised he had said anything suggestive, he made no sign of it. Considering some of the positions Axel often twisted Snake into… One thing he could say of Snake’s spine, it was undeniably flexible. “No recriminations. Be honest.” His companion regarded the tabletop as though it were more interesting than the show. For Axel, it certainly was, but he didn’t believe that applied where Snake was concerned for a minute. “It doesn’t…turn me on, exactly. It’s just…” Snake looked towards the stage, as though searching beyond what he could see. A sudden groan even caught Axel’s attention, and he saw the two men reposition the third, their hands holding him just where they wanted. In fact, they held him down, but the man’s half-open mouth and his glazed expression conveyed anything but unwillingness. Axel took a better look at the largest of the three men, who happened to be one of those doing the holding. His prehistoric features announced him as another alien, but Axel couldn’t recall the name of his species at present, and he certainly wasn’t one with an open bounty on his head. Both Axel and Snake looked back down at the table at the same time. “I discovered one day that the men who come here aren’t strangers. Many of them bring their…partners.” For some peculiar reason, Snake had hesitated over the word. “You want me to fuck you in front of an audience?” “No!” Sheer panic made Snake’s voice icy. “No. I don’t want…that. I just meant… I wish I understood it.” Axel frowned, aware he was actually letting his emotions show for a change, but unable to help it. “Voyeurism?” he asked.
40
Sharon Maria Bidwell
Snake shook his head. He looked back up at the stage, the tip of his tongue emerging to lick the centre of his lips. Snake’s tongue slipped out and then disappeared so quickly, if he had blinked, Axel would have missed it. “I want…” Snake’s expression managed to appear dreamy, even though his eyes remained hidden from view. “I want to understand their love for each other. I want…” He swallowed, hesitated. “Go on,” Axel prompted. “Whatever you say, I won’t tease you with it.” He was surprised to find that he meant it and a little disappointed to see Snake jerk in apparent astonishment. He could feel that green gaze on his face while Snake took his time, clearly considering how best to reply. Axel also had the eerie sensation that Snake was deciding whether to believe him. “I want to be a part of it, if only briefly. I want to share in their love, even if I can’t have it.” The show continued. Two tall, dark men with long hair took the place of the three who had finished. Axel sat staring into his drink while Snake watched the men on the stage.
Cosmic
41
Chapter Seven Sela tried not to squirm as several heads turned in her direction to gaze at her. Snake’s appreciative whistle captured the attention of the crew and even strangers noticed. She was already aware that she’d made quite an entrance in the communal area for the evening meal. Snake’s whistle made even more eyes turn toward her, some male, some not, and some human, some… Well, as much as she couldn’t help thinking of them as aliens, seeing as this wasn’t Earth, she supposed she was as much an alien here as anyone. Sela joined the others already seated in a long line upon the ground, at what amounted to a large out-of-doors picnic. A surreptitious glance at her arms and legs revealed that the flaming light of the lanterns gave her oiled skin a warm glow. The masseur had been worth the cost. Whether he would have been worth any additional cost… Sela suppressed a shiver. No matter how handsome he was, she didn’t like the idea. The trouble was, she didn’t know if she should be indignant on his behalf, or if she were merely disgusted with personal needs. Meliora had teased her and asked if she had kept his name and ident number, just in case she felt lonely as the evening drew on. Finally, Sela had admitted she had; water wasn’t the only thing that she had missed on Sarras. She doubted she’d use it, but she’d dithered in indecision several times since he handed over his number. She didn’t want to think about that. Right now, she was relaxed, oiled, and pampered to the point of saturation. As the first of many dishes made an appearance, she discovered a need to indulge another sensory pleasure and one that made a more immediate demand than lust. She was hungry. “Well, this is certainly different.” Meliora sat down opposite and surveyed the dishes laid out before her. “Why do they serve the meal like this, do you suppose?” “It serves a variety of purposes,” Sela replied. “For one thing, it’s easy to spot a number of prospective troublemakers this way.” “What? In this crowd?” Even Snake seemed sceptical of the suggestion.
42
Sharon Maria Bidwell
“Certainly. You would be surprised what people give away without realising, just by simple body language. Of course, this is also an open party. The idea is that you can meet the greatest number of people possible in the shortest time. After all, people are most at ease after you wine and dine them. That’s why any negotiations, business or otherwise, often involve a meal.” Asta was frowning, staring at her. “Are you saying what I think you’re saying?” “What is she saying?” Snake queried. “She’s saying that this arrangement is one big seduction,” Marshall concluded. The slow light of dawning passed over Snake’s face. “You mean a way to pick up chicklings?” Even Sela flinched at his terminology. As men on Earth once called women chicks or birds, chickling was a derogatory term. It applied to both sexes, and any race. It meant someone you picked up for sex and then tossed aside without even a farewell kiss in the morning. “You’re just a romantic at heart, aren’t you, Snaithen?” Axel grinned in what appeared to be an equal measure of amusement and distaste.
***** Despite Snake’s “chickling” and other saucy remarks at dinner, he became Sela’s choice of companion for the evening. She wanted to indulge her senses, and that limited the choice, and despite the fact that she had his ident number, she had finally decided she had no intention of calling for Mr. Oil-Me-Down And Rub-Me-Up. With Snake, she could eat and drink, laugh, and, as she had discovered just a few moments ago, dance. That was as far as it went -- as far as it was going to go, for now -- despite the longing looks of which he obviously thought she was unaware. His attention surprised her initially. If Snake swung both ways, and several of his comments suggested this was so, she had to wonder if Axel did also. “You know that colour really suits you,” Snake said, referring to the short red number she had purchased earlier that day. Sela glanced at him, resisting an urge to flick her fingers under his nose to remind him that her face was at least several inches above his line of vision. Instead, she breathed in deeply and drew attention to her breasts even more. The red dress had a plunging neckline. He would be so easy to tease that she almost felt sorry for him, but she had decided not to tease him…too much, so he was relatively safe. He had joined her on the dance floor, and those slim hips knew how to move. The lights suddenly dimmed, and the music took on a thudding beat. It should have seemed odd, but they moved closer together without either of them apparently being conscious of it. By the time Sela gave it a passing thought, the rhythm began to take her. The beat and Snake’s
Cosmic
43
movements became conspirators. She moved with him, only dimly aware of her body. Closing her eyes, raising her hands, she gave herself to the music, and as Snake’s hand came to rest on her hip, she allowed him to lead her into a wilder phase of the dance. Her head had fallen back, but now she drew her chin forward, opening her eyes. The first thing she saw was that glittering green gaze. He had removed the visor. Her consternation must have shown on her face. Snake shook his head slightly, drawing their faces closer together so he could talk to her without shouting. “Look at me. See me. I know you can.” His words contained a strange resonance that spoke to something inside her. She caught his meaning almost like a taste on her tongue. As he led her deeper into the dance and their bodies swayed, her mind sank beneath the surface. She became the music, moving as it and Snake dictated. Even though the beat made her heart pound, her sex and other things throb, even though their hips and groins brushed and she could feel his rigidity, as sexual as this was, it was also something else. Words such as “basic” and “primordial” rose up in her mind. So did more intriguing thoughts of sex. A slight gap in Snake’s tunic caused pale honey skin to flash at her. A fine line of hair wended its way up in a straight line on his belly. She needed to know if it was as soft as it looked. Her fingers reached out and brushed over his skin without thinking. When he shuddered, she did it again, and then allowed her hand to spread out to take hold of his right hip just as he had hold of hers with one hand, while the fingers of the other hand continued to touch bare skin. That connection gave her a taste of his loneliness. Sela didn’t understand it, or know how, but she felt it; his feelings shouted in her head, as an echo of her own lonesomeness. The months spent alone on Sarras hadn’t left her as completely as she had hoped. She gasped and pulled back, swaying, but rather than let her stumble away, Snake’s arms drew her to him. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, right next to her ear, his head against hers, strands of their hair mingling and their bodies close. “Sometimes people can pick up on what I’m feeling.” “You feel…lonely?” Sela bit her tongue even as she finished speaking, literally; she pressed the sharpness of her teeth into the fleshy pad of her tongue. “You can…sense that?” He sounded as bewildered as she felt. She nodded against him, and when he took her to edge of the dance floor, she went without resisting. Snake knew to dance with Sela that way in front of Axel was a mistake, but it wasn’t as if Axel wanted to dance with him. Enough mixed couples danced, in both sexual orientation and race, for no one to care, but Axel couldn’t even love him in private. No way did Snake ever expect Axel to love him in public. He owed Axel nothing. Perhaps he should remember that. He didn’t even prefer men. Being with another male was just something his race took for granted. What humans termed a ménage, his kind took as a given. Two men with one woman was the way of his race. He needed more than… He didn’t know what to call what
44
Sharon Maria Bidwell
he did with Axel, but the term relationship would suffice. He needed more than his relationship with Axel provided. Being as his own kind were so scattered throughout the universe, Axel was the only male he’d ever been with and, as far as he was aware, he was the first and only male with whom Axel had chosen to have sex. That should have made Snake feel special, but it didn’t. He knew better than that. Sex didn’t have to have any emotion attached to the act. For many, sex was purely physical. The way he and Axel…
Sigh for me, Snake. Let it out. Let me hear you. Words whispered in the darkness returned to haunt him. Snake shivered at the memory, and that being one of the calmer recollections he could summon to mind, but he couldn’t let such tantalising moments of lust sway him. What they shared was simply an indulgence on Axel’s part, where in time Snake had come to… What? To love Axel? That idea drew forth more despondency than the idea of being lonely. Well, maybe he didn’t have to be. “Are you all right?” Sela asked him. He nodded, aware she had seen him shiver. “You know what I am?” She leaned on the railing, drink in hand, overlooking the dancing. “What of it?” “I’ve hidden for so long,” he said, simply, uncertain if that conveyed enough, or anything. “I know what that’s like.” She looked at him. “It makes no difference to me, and you don’t need to worry. I don’t expect you to believe that --” “I do,” he answered quickly. “I can’t explain it, but I just do.” Below, the party increased in volume as the silence between them grew heavy. “Why did you ask me to dance?” Sela enquired. “Why not?” Snake replied. “You’re beautiful, sexy.” He let his gaze slide over her and, much to his pleasure, she laughed freely. He sensed nothing mocking in her attitude. “I like you. I feel comfortable with you. I felt it almost immediately.” “Even though I tried to strangle you?” she asked, and her smile told him she teased. Besides, she had done no such thing. He grinned and shrugged. “What can I say? Certain people expect me to behave in a certain way.” Axel included. “Me?” he said in surprise, when she directly asked him about his background. “I’m a thief.” He wasn’t surprised when she blinked. “I stole from consortiums.” “The rich giving to the poor?” “Sort of.” “You being the poor.” Snake laughed. “Yes, but I also gave a lot away. When I emptied the Cartesian monetary dealership --” “That was you?”
Cosmic
45
She sounded suitably delighted. He nodded. “Yes. The Cartesian was one of the most difficult heists I’ve ever performed. Their system was pure mathematics, and it reset itself at random. I had to freeze the…” He stopped talking. “Well, the main point is --” “I know.” She was smiling at him. “You took the funds and scattered them throughout the city. You brought down a tyrant.” He’d also pocketed a tenth of the loot, but maybe it was best not to mention that. “So, do they call you Snake because you’re a slippery, slithery character?” Snake could tell by her tone that she only asked in order to tease. Of course, he could also think of several more logical and lewd reasons for someone to call him Snake. The light dancing in Sela’s eyes told him that she was probably sharing similar thoughts. He laughed again, feeling heat rise to his face. “Well, you know only Axel does that, and you know why. Some of it, anyway. Please don’t tell anyone else.” “Don’t worry, Snaithen,” she told him. “Your secret is safe with me, and as much as I love the colour of your eyes, I’m glad you’ve put the visor back on.” “Yo-you like the colour of my eyes?” A slight pull to her lips might have meant she struggled not to smile, but Sela moved the subject on and he let her. “So you’re a good thief?” “The best,” he said, with pride. “Except I was caught and sentenced. But I escaped,” he added, “obviously, as I’m here now. That’s why I’m an outlaw. There isn’t a locked room I can’t get into, though.” “So, how were you caught?” “A locked room…I couldn’t get out of,” he confessed with embarrassment. For a moment, she only looked at him, and then they both laughed.
***** “What was that little display for?” Axel intercepted Snake as the slender man made his way towards the bar. He had watched Snake slip onto the dance floor with Sela, and he had allowed it. It wasn’t as if he wanted to dance with anyone, let alone Snaithen, and he had to admit that it pleased him to watch how the man could move. The trouble began when Snake hadn’t returned to him. Snake pulled the visor down slightly and looked at him over the top of it. “What display? We were dancing.” Axel narrowed his gaze, and Snake blinked, but surprisingly, the alien didn’t take a step back. In fact, he hardly seemed perturbed by Axel’s glare at all. This attitude was one that he’d have to curb in a hurry. If Snake needed to remember to whom he owed allegiance, Axel would happily remind him. “You’ve seen me dance more intimately with other women, even with other…things.”
46
Sharon Maria Bidwell
That was true enough. Snake had danced with a few that they couldn’t even tell what gender they were, or if they had one. Only the slurgg on Bitatron had turned Snake’s stomach, but that had been the slurgg’s idea not Snake’s, and Snake had, quite bravely, drawn Axel along with him and danced them towards the exit. That rather slimy incident was the closest Axel had ever come to feeling Snake’s body move in a vertical representation of what they did horizontally. Right then, Axel decided he wanted Snake back on the ship. He knew in just what position he wanted Snake in order to fuck him. It took Axel a few seconds to realise it wasn’t going to happen. “Have you forgotten who you belong to?” The words left his lips before he thought to stop them. Snake’s green eyes tightened and closed down to narrow slits. He pushed the visor back into place. “No one owns me.” “Yet you soon come running when you’re in danger.” “I might come running. It doesn’t mean I trust you to save me.” Snake pushed on by and Axel almost reached out to grab him. Only because of the way it would look did he clench his hand into a fist and hold it tight to his side. “I’ll not have you fucking her,” he ground out between clenched teeth before the alien could escape fully into the crowd. Snake turned back to face him. “I should be so lucky,” he said, “but what do you care?” Rather than answer the question, Axel replied, “I’ll not have you forget who you belong to while you’re on board the Sovereignty.” “Then maybe I shouldn’t stay.” Snake turned away. “Where would you go?” He made no attempt to hide his contempt, but even so, Axel almost winced at the level of scorn he heard in his voice. “I don’t know.” Snake sounded very lost and alone. “Maybe I should look for somewhere that feels like home. Maybe it’s time I looked for someone to love me.”
Cosmic
47
Chapter Eight It didn’t take much expertise for Sela to know someone followed her. Indeed, as soon as she realised who it was, she became aware he let her notice him deliberately. Never a good idea to piss a lover off, it was even worse when it wasn’t your own. She ignored the pursuit of the prick at her back, and glanced at the number of the nearest door. Her room was still a few doors away. Beyond tired, a combination of exhaustion and alcohol had prompted her to hire a domicile. No more than a room with basic washing facilities, they had the cheek to promote them as though one were buying a full place of residence instead of a bed for sleep or sex. The last part of that thought set her heart pounding. The sudden rush of alcohol through her veins made her dizzy. She could hardly complain; she had paid and chosen one of the cheapest quarters, but then she had the same amount of funds as the rest did. It wasn’t the thought over whether they had bothered to change the bedding after the last occupant that made her dizzy, though. She would sleep on top of the bed, in her clothes, anyway. She rounded the corner trying not to break into a run, very aware she would never make it to the room, open the door, get in, and close it in time to avoid the man swiftly coming up behind her. Still, she fumbled for the catch, sliding the metal card she held in her hand into the slot. The door parted from the jamb and moved inwards at the same time as she spun on her heel to face him. The mistake would cost her. Immediately, cold blue eyes exacted a price as she glared defiantly into them. Opening her mouth to say something, the words never emerged as Axel pushed her backwards into the room, stepping to the side so that the door could swing to, isolating them. She should have stayed out in the corridor. This was beyond foolish. Someone would have come along within minutes. Even caught on the security cameras, no one would come to investigate. You paid for a domicile by the hour. It didn’t matter how many people occupied it. If anyone noticed two people entering, they would assume they were there for
48
Sharon Maria Bidwell
sex. The idea made her hands and other things clench. She found Axel attractive. Pity he drove her nuts about it. She could do without certain feelings. “If you’re pissed because I danced with Snake…” she began. “It’s not the dancing I’m pissed about.” No. No, it wasn’t, but if she came out and fully confronted him concerning his relationship with Snake, he would only deny it. For all she knew, he might even get violent. They both knew he fucked Snake, but neither of them would talk about it, not here, not now, anyway. “What do you want, Axel?” Sela lowered her tone. Only when she heard how deep her voice issued did she realise that she had gone to that calm, centralised place of hers. Her body and mind prepared her for violence. She no longer even needed to think about it. This state of being came over her automatically. She couldn’t help feeling a little sorry for that, but she wasn’t so sorry as to not also be grateful for it. Such reactions would help keep her alive. Not that she thought that Axel wanted to kill her. Any woman would understand the look in his eye. This man stood in the grip of an entirely different passion. Axel wanted to taste her. The thought shocked him to stillness. A moment later and he realised that it had probably stopped them coming to blows. She watched him, and he had no doubt that she knew there existed a potential for violence here. Not that he was about to rape someone, but he wanted to push his point home, and she would resist him. The trouble was, try as he might, he just couldn’t rid himself of the idea that he wanted to find out for how long she would continue to resist his advances. He would know within a minute or so if she was truly unwilling. Not because he was some great lover with great instincts, but because Sela would let him know, violently. Even these thoughts didn’t shock him. What kept him standing there motionless was the idea that he wanted her. He hadn’t wanted anyone in a long time, if he didn’t count Snake, and Axel never counted him. No. That was unfair. Some dark part of his soul knew that, and he even gave it a grudging nod now, but he pushed it deep down into the recesses of his heart and mind. He resolutely pushed all thoughts of Snake aside. “What was that?” “What?” “The nod. What was the nod for?” Had he done that in reality? He stood there thinking about it while Sela visibly grew impatient. It made her careless, and he waited for his chance. When she broke first and told him she was tired, ordered him out, and then tried to force him, he took the opportunity. It pained him to think she wouldn’t normally be this careless, this slow, but that didn’t mean he wouldn’t take advantage of her fatigue. She tried to sidestep out of his reach, and she
Cosmic
49
would have made it if her foot hadn’t tangled in the cover trailing over the bed and onto the floor. She twisted, put her hand out, and then squealed. The sound coming from Sela was so unexpected that Axel made a grab for her for a completely different reason. Looking over her shoulder, he could see someone had puked on the bed, and the service hadn’t bothered to clean it. If he hadn’t caught her, she would have fallen into the mess. He stepped back, taking them both from the bed, bending to grab the corner of the cover and toss it over the dirty bed. “You can’t stay here,” he told her. “We’ll get a better room.” Her eyebrows drew together as she looked at him. “We?” “We’ll go to complain, get your currency back, and then share the cost.” She looked about to argue. Then much to his surprise, she agreed.
***** The attendant might have stood up to one of them, but the sight of two menacing pairs of eyes was apparently too much. He quickly cowered. Besides, they were willing to hire a more expensive domicile, and he could probably get away with renting the other one to whoever came along next without worrying about cleaning the suite. Axel tried not to think about someone else going into that room. Sela stepped into the new domicile, walked over to the bed, and looked down. Axel’s gaze followed where she looked. The bed looked no more comfortable, but at least clean. “I didn’t think a little puke would make you squeal.” “Give a girl a break,” Sela told him. “Even I can only take so much in one night.” “I wasn’t aware you had taken anything at all.” Her eyes widened as she turned. Axel had rid himself of his most cumbersome item of clothing on his way across the room. He still wore his trousers and tunic, but the jacket lay across the small table in the corner of the room. He grabbed her wrist in one easy movement, bringing her against him. Anticipating her resistance, his disappointment proved almost overwhelming. “I thought we were going to fight?” Her dark eyes studied him. They were the same colour as her hair. “Are you a rapist, Axel?” He shook his head. “Then why fight you? You aren’t going to do anything to me. You aren’t in the mood to kill me, or even hurt me. Not that way. I know what you are in the mood for although I’m not entirely sure why.” Neither was he, which was most disturbing of all. “If I don’t want sex and you’re not a rapist, then you’re kind of stuck. I don’t need to be afraid of you.” She sounded unbearably smug. “Do you mean you could be afraid of me?”
50
Sharon Maria Bidwell
Her gaze studied him for a few seconds, and then she nodded. “I’d be a fool not to.” Her answer both delighted and dismayed him. Once more, it was the negative emotion that disturbed him most of all. “We can’t read each other’s minds,” he told her. “If you don’t stop me, how can you tell how far I will go?” Axel glanced at the bed and then took her hand, leading Sela towards the washroom. What she didn’t understand was why she went. Seeing the state of the room, even though it was an improvement on the last one, she didn’t hold out much hope for the washing facilities. However, they proved to be a pleasant surprise. “People will pay for a better washroom,” Axel said, though she didn’t entirely understand why. Surely, it was just as icky to sleep in an overused bed as it was to wash in… Oh. She had forgotten the toilet. The bathroom shone, spotless. So lost was she in admiring it that Axel already had his hands on her hips, and he began lifting her before she realised. The cold metal of the sink area bit into her thighs. That icy bite was a shocking reminder that she wore a dress. At once, she missed her usual garments. Opening her mouth to protest, she hesitated. She must truly be tired to want to play Axel’s game, but she didn’t have the energy to fight. “Now what?” she asked, putting contempt into her voice. Sela pulled the side of her mouth into a sneer, expecting he would try to kiss her. He even tilted his head a little, and she tensed, intending to bite if his lips touched hers. Instead, he forced a gasp out of her as his fingers reached under the edge of her dress, sliding along her legs. He proceeded to hook his fingers into her underwear. The sound of cloth ripping shocked her into silence. The flimsy fabric parted, falling from her in tatters. Axel’s eyes dilated; his nostrils flared. If he were Snake, she would have believed he breathed in her scent. The idea that Axel might do that -- that he might want to -- sat uneasy with her. The thought that her sudden arousal was so intense he could smell it made her close her mouth with such a hard snap that she narrowly missed biting the tip of her tongue. She sat, waiting, expecting him to reach down and begin unfastening his trousers or try to slide a finger inside her. He did no such thing, just stared into her eyes until she squirmed from a mixture of arousal and discomfort. Still, she waited, having made a decision. Whether he tried to slip his fingers or his cock into her, he would lose whatever touched her delicate flesh first. At the very least, she would maybe break one or two of his fingers, not to mention make it impossible for him to have sex for a month. When he went to his knees, she was glad he was distracted enough not to see her jaw drop. Not in any scenario could she contemplate ripping out his tongue. She dithered over what to do, cursing the amount of alcohol she had consumed, and by the time she decided she truly had to stop him, it was too late. He wanted to take the time to look at her, breathe her in. He couldn’t afford to. Aware Sela would quickly come to her senses and let her anger win out over her arousal, he pressed
Cosmic
51
her thighs open with his hands, moving right in with his mouth. It didn’t matter what he wanted. There was no way he could help breathing in her musk. She tasted clean, slightly spicy. Her skin smelled even more scented, and it took him a moment to recall that she and Meliora had gone to the spa. He licked her quickly, and then, certain she wasn’t about to reach down and try to pull off his ears or dig his eyes out, he opened her slightly with his fingers. He avoided prying at her sex. He just teased her nether lips apart with a soft press of his thumbs, barely touching her. He nibbled up one lip and down the other. The protesting sound that left her mouth sounded strangled. He silenced her with more action. If he hadn’t been so intent on what he was doing, he might have chuckled. It had been so long -- too long -- since he had even wanted to drive a woman to distraction. Now, for this one evening at least, he could think of nothing better. In his younger days, he had known men who didn’t like doing this, but he had never understood their hesitation. He’d once taken his time over this, once suckled for an hour, not drawing the woman he was with to many orgasms, but building a single one that he had prolonged so that she had cried in its intensity. He quickly clamped down on the memory, shoving it out of the way. Sela gasped and jerked, her body going momentarily rigid. He had bitten her too hard in the grip of his recollections of other times. That was in the past, and there was no point making Sela or anyone else pay for it.
As if you haven’t made Snake pay for it. Like the memory, Axel shoved the traitorous thought aside. That was different. Oh, he had made Snake pay, but Snake loved it. Axel suckled, feeling the small hard nub of Sela’s desire, savouring the moment, holding that delicate flesh between his lips, his teeth. The press of a blade against the side of his face distracted him briefly, but he glanced at it only and then turned his attention back to his ministrations. He had to wonder how she had managed to keep the weapon hidden while wearing such a light dress. Still, Sela didn’t mean anything by it, and he didn’t take it personally. The woman merely protected herself. If he bit to injure her, he might damage her before she used the knife, but he would not live to brag about it. He meant her no harm. Neither of them had to worry. He moved back, changing his tactics. Making his licks delicate, he concentrated around the centre of her pleasure until he felt an answering tension in her legs. Her breathing had grown heavy, but she remained silent. Axel almost grinned. He could both smell and taste the struggle she currently underwent. He wanted to remember how she tasted long after he had left. Dipping his head, he slid his tongue to the base of her opening and then pushed it in, letting her flood his tongue, drinking her down. With a slick thumb, he flicked that small hardness and felt that strange, poised tightening of her body just before it released and sent her over the edge. Contractions pulled at his senses, certainly consuming his mind. He couldn’t breathe, and for several minutes, he wasn’t sure he cared if he ever sucked in oxygen again.
52
Sharon Maria Bidwell
Chapter Nine Sela sat there dazed on the edge of the sink. Her body still thrummed in that strange combination of drunken relaxation where she felt vibrant, alive, her skin animated. Her heart slowed, easing back from the race, but it beat fast enough for her to feel it. Not wanting to feel this way, she searched for another sensation. Anger would be nice. The longed-for emotion escaped her clutches. She wanted to be angry with Axel, even angry with herself, yet she couldn’t manage it. He’d left her. The bastard had left her. He’d…eaten…his fill, and left her. Rather than the resentment she sought, the memory made her shiver. She didn’t feel cold. The shiver had almost a suppressed violence to it. Her body tightened completely outside of her control. Slipping a hand between her legs, she could feel how tender and swollen her sex felt, and yes, the humidity of her personal moisture rose up to meet her fingers, but she couldn’t say she was wet. Axel had cleaned her. The thought brought a little disgust with it, though she couldn’t be sure if it was due to the wantonness of the act or because she had let him. He had jolted her, jolted her view of him, the part of her that wanted to keep even this impersonal. She’d never known a man to give her pleasure without taking his own or asking something of her. If he intended to hold it as due, he was intelligent enough to know that wouldn’t work with her, and besides, she didn’t believe it. He had left her for reasons she couldn’t even guess. Reaching out a shaking hand, she carefully moved off the counter, testing her legs until satisfied that they wouldn’t give out on her. She no longer felt tired. She felt weak but that had nothing to do with a need for sleep. Where would he have gone? They had paid for the room together, but that likely meant he didn’t have enough marks left to pay for another. She glanced at the bed and knew instantly that she couldn’t spend the night here, alone. She
Cosmic
53
eased the blade into the small, flat sheath that sat at the top of her spine under her dress, hidden beneath her hair. She always found it difficult enough to withdraw the weapon; putting it back was almost impossible. It took some minutes of concentration. During that time, she made her decision. She had no idea if Axel would return to the room later, but she didn’t want to stay here, with or without him. She would collect her things from the locker she had hired earlier and make her way back to the ship. Venusian 6 had supplied all the “fun” she could stomach.
***** When Axel returned, Snake had taken one look at the furious glaze to the man’s eyes and kept silent. It came as no surprise to find they were back on the Sovereignty, their evening’s entertainment shortened. Snake, however, was in no mood to put up with Axel’s ill manner. He made a last-minute dash to his suite. Axel caught up with him at the door and shoved him inside. “No.” The word emerged, bright and clear. “I don’t want you here.” He didn’t. They always fucked in Axel’s room. Snake didn’t want the man invading what little privacy he had. The expression on the other man’s face said he might as well have spoken in his native tongue. Axel didn’t hear him, or didn’t pay any attention. “Please,” Snake whispered, hating the plea that fell so easily from his lips. “I don’t want this. Not tonight. I can smell her on you.” He could. He possessed a heightened sense of taste and smell, though his hearing wasn’t as acute as a human’s at some registers. It might be a strange talent, but he could usually smell someone approaching before anyone heard the danger. That was another reason Axel often took him on missions. If Sela hadn’t worn a survival suit, she never would have managed to creep up on him on Sarras. Right now, Snake could smell Sela’s arousal mingled with her release. He didn’t know what had happened between them. Neither did he understand the level of irritation coming from Axel. However, he could smell that too. He could smell the man’s arousal, his contained desire. He wasn’t sure he could withstand the brunt of it, and he had his own resentment with which to deal. Earlier, he had felt a connection with Sela. When they danced… Snake swallowed. Why he had even entertained the idea that someone like Sela would have anything to do with him escaped him now. He only had Axel, and in other circumstances, that might have been enough. “No.” The hand he raised in protest Axel slapped away, even though Snake’s fingers displayed sharp nails. Axel’s march across the room and Snake’s retreat concluded when Snake’s legs hit the edge of his bed, and Axel reached up, clasping his head, holding him in place. Axel pressed their mouths together in a closed-mouthed kiss. Even so, they had never kissed before, in any manner. Instinctively closing his eyes, Snake’s senses were at once overwhelmed with the sensation of those lips and with the musk of Sela’s release.
54
Sharon Maria Bidwell
Tentatively, he flicked out his tongue and…licked. When Axel did nothing to stop him, Snake turned the peculiar kiss to licking, working to clean the traces of the woman’s release from Axel’s face, picking up the natural salt of perspiration on the man’s skin, taking in the taste of two people, until he practically swooned. A moan tore its way up through his throat to howl around the room.
***** Aware Axel had restricted her movements aboard the Sovereignty, Sela didn’t even waste time looking into heretofore unexplored areas of the ship. She made her way straight to her room. All the suites were situated on the same level, and she needed to pass both Axel’s and Snake’s suite to get to hers. The dim light provided for less used corridors, or at times when the ship sat in dock, proved welcome. Questions and self-recriminations revolved in her mind, until they threatened to hammer their way out through her skull. So lost was she in trying to fathom out her next move that she walked by Axel’s suite and had almost reached Snake’s when she noticed the door ahead stood open, and soft light, a little brighter than the corridor, shone out into the hall. She stopped, mouth agape, as now that she was aware of it, she could hear soft sighs and moans. Maybe the two men had left the door open on purpose, but having no way to know she would return made that idea seem unlikely. From the sounds she could hear, they had let need rule over caution. Unable to help it, she took the last two steps that would bring her level with the open door, turned her head, and looked inside the room. If the two men were any more naked, she would have had to say they had stripped down to the bone. Snake lay on his front, Axel grinding against him. At once, the movements slowed. Axel’s skin stood out slightly paler than Snake’s, whose colouring was a sort of creamy, honey tone. Both men were lean, but Axel had more muscle overall, particularly in his arms. He was undeniably a little heavier, a little weightier, but by no means muscular in the true sense of the word. His body suited him, as did Snake’s. Together, they moved in perfect unison. What caught her attention, though, was the rapt expression on Axel’s face. She doubted he even knew it existed. He stared at the nape of Snake’s neck as though he could see through the skin into the flesh of the man beneath him. Reaching out, the fingers of his right hand traced a path from Snake’s nape, slowly brushing downwards. “Come on.” Axel spoke low enough to keep his voice contained to the intimate tableau, but still the sound meandered around the room, insidious. “Hiss and slither for me.” Sela blinked. Had she heard him correctly? His fingers moved again, brushing Snake’s back in a practiced way, and he said it again. “Hiss and slither for me, Snake. Hiss and slither.” Even more astonishing, Snake did just that. He sighed into the covers on the bed and…writhed. Sela had never considered the true meaning of the word before, but it was the
Cosmic
55
only way to describe Snake’s movements. That had to feel good for both men. She had never seen anything so erotic. A spark of desire and something close to triumph lit Axel’s eyes. His fingers brushed over Snake’s backbone again. The gesture drew her attention to Snake’s spine. Frowning, she took a step forward, wanting to understand what she saw. The movement caught Axel’s attention, and then as he turned his head to look up at her, something, maybe the sudden tension in his body, must have alerted Snake. The alien turned his head and looked up, those green eyes sparkling as though illuminated from within. The rest of his face appeared slack, caught in an intimate moment. Axel’s expression smouldered with too many emotions, but both sets of eyes gazed at her, containing hunger. Her lips parted, though she couldn’t say why. She had never seen such a beautiful sight. Snake recovered more quickly. His expression began to change. Consternation appeared to wash in, a mix of something she could only link to anger and…embarrassment? Strangely, Axel seemed resigned. He stopped moving, but only someone blind could fail to see that Axel’s cock lay buried to the hilt inside the alien. Snake made a poor attempt to struggle, and all that did was force their bodies into an odd rhythm. From the sudden change of expression on Axel’s face, the sudden movement felt good. Apparently, it felt good to Snake as well, but he wasn’t going to let that stop him. Soft whimpers escaped his lips as he braced his hands under him to push up. Maybe he was willing to fight his way out from under Axel if he had to. Snapping out of her stupor, Sela hurried across the room, managing to kick the door closed enough as she went, so that the automatic locking system took over. Going to her knees at the edge of the bed, she caught Snake’s hands, preventing his rising. “Snaithen, it’s fine.” He didn’t seem to hear her, and continued to struggle in an attempt to yank his hands back. “Snaithen. Snake!” That got through to him. He stared into her eyes, and she held his gaze, aware that Axel watched her but more worried over Snake’s panic. She let go of one of his hands so she could stroke his face. “It’s all fine. There’s no need to worry. I already knew. I don’t care.” When a look of puzzlement reached his eyes, she backed up her statement with a light kiss. Intending it to be a light press of lips, when his mouth hesitated and then latched on to hers, she opened her mouth in surprise. His tongue slipped inside, entwining with hers. Desire uncoiled and twisted up through her body, speeding up her pulse. This had never been his intention, but the sight of Snake and Sela kissing made Axel’s breath catch. He only realised he had stopped breathing when his body demanded oxygen, and air rasped painfully down his throat. No matter how he enjoyed the vision -- he didn’t want to think about why -- he had to stop this. Then Snake wriggled, and he briefly lost the thought. By the time he remembered, it didn’t seem quite so important.
56
Sharon Maria Bidwell
Sela moved back slightly as the kiss broke. Her mouth remained open; her lips looked swollen and slightly red, probably similar to the condition he had left her nether lips in. “What is that?” she asked, clearly sensing something in the air. “Pheromones,” Axel said. As she turned her gaze towards him, he brushed his fingers along Snake’s spine again, only up this time instead of down. “He can’t help it.” The alien moaned, relaxed in places, tightened in others, and managed to blush all at once. Axel moved enough to remind Snake he was there, and to maintain his erection, not that his cock showed any signs of diminishing. Sela’s gaze followed the trail blazed by his fingertips, sexual awareness evidently warring with scientific interest. The long curve of fine, overlapping ridges gave Snaithen’s spine an oddly graceful appearance, even though they looked harsh against his skin. “There are nerves just under the point of each ridge. His race uses them to detect things and to leave scent markers, attract a mate. They heighten the act for both partners. Stimulate the spine, and you stimulate other things. It plays havoc with their hormones,” Axel managed to explain, though his voice emerged strained. The pheromones affected him as much as they would anyone. The effect made it difficult to have a coherent conversation even though he enjoyed the added stimulation during sex. A small frown tightened Sela’s face and then cleared. “It’s like adrenaline. It’s why they’re almost extinct. The very thing they use in mating is what makes them priceless in a laboratory. The spinal fluid, the glands that can be removed, even the skin.” Axel nodded. “It also works when they are under threat, though then it’s a different hormone in play. What makes them strong also makes them weak. Treat one with a delicate touch and…” His fingers pinched the base of Snake’s spine, and the alien let out a cry, arching his back, thrusting his hips into the bed. “I could drive him insane just by doing this.” Once more, he tickled his fingers up to the nape of Snake’s neck. “I could torture him until he goes mad just by not letting him come.” Sela raised an eyebrow. “Perpetual foreplay. What a way to die.” It evidently took Snake more than one attempt, but he finally managed to clear his throat. “I am here,” he said, reminding them of his presence, “and it wouldn’t be as great as you think.” “I haven’t forgotten you,” Axel said, dipping his head and licking a small section of Snake’s spine. As the other man let out a plaintive sound, he said, “You seem able to withstand a fair amount of torture.” Pushing the tip of his tongue under the point of one of the ridges, Axel licked and wriggled his tongue around. Snake half-screamed; his body flailed, almost pitching them from the bed, but Axel anticipated the reaction. He held Snake down, and much to his surprise, Sela helped him. He wanted to invite her onto the bed to join them, but uncertain why or where it would lead, he said nothing. Besides, with Snake’s internal muscles clamped fast to his cock, Axel had little choice but to accept he was fast on the way to completing this ride.
Cosmic
57
Gasping, Snake struggled to breathe. No matter how often they did this, there came a moment when he hovered at the edge of fear. Axel tortured him constantly, but never too much. Axel always seemed to know what he needed, how far he could bear to go. Sometimes, although he would have liked a little more affection, sex between them could be languid and slow. Other times, Axel just about drove him to the brink of insanity. Licking under one of the ridges on his back, snaking his tongue in like that, caused a pleasure that rode the same line as pain. Never one side or the other, the sensation it produced overwhelmed him. Nerves expanded, opened him in places no one could see. He wanted every inch of his skin explored, caressed. He wanted someone to hold him, kiss him, soothe him. He also wanted someone to use and abuse him. He hated the sensation, the sheer duplicity of it; he loved it and craved it above all else. “I can’t…” Snake managed to gasp out the words, meaning he couldn’t hold back. The woman’s comforting presence enveloped him. She moved, though he couldn’t tell where or how. His vision blurred, other senses taking over. Taste. Smell. Yes! Strong hands stroked him with a slowly acquired knowledge; Axel knew him too well. The man’s cock rocked back and forth, adding to the onslaught. Snake’s body and mind tightened, closed down, gathering for the outburst. If Axel had begun by licking his spine so intimately, he could have prolonged this mating, but to do it now when they had already made love for so long, had taken him to the edge. If he didn’t finish soon, the pleasure truly would ebb, and turn over into pain. This Axel knew and, as always, the man never let him suffer too long. Another probe of Axel’s tongue, Sela’s lips against his, Axel’s cock angling just in the right spot, the friction of the bed, hands clasping and stroking… Snake shattered, his consciousness flying out, rising to somewhere near the ceiling until he screamed.
58
Sharon Maria Bidwell
Chapter Ten “He’s all right. He sometimes does this.” “What? Passes out?” Sela raised both eyebrows. The three of them lay on the bed, Snake’s unconscious form between them. He breathed slowly but steadily, which eased her concern. She was more concerned with the look she had seen in Axel’s eyes. Once finished, the other man suddenly appeared to be awkward or uncertain. No. Even before then, for he had turned his face away in the moment of orgasm. Even now, most of his body lay concealed against Snake’s side. She didn’t think that Axel lay so close to the other man out of fondness, though some of the things she had noticed in his eyes disputed this. His fingers hovered over Snake’s skin to one side, and the idea that if she weren’t there Axel might stroke him came to mind. Whether he would do so if Snake were awake would have to remain a mystery for now. She sensed an imbalance in the way things “seemed” and how they actually were, and mostly regarding Axel’s feelings. “We should talk,” she said. Expecting Axel to sneer, he surprised her by moving swiftly off the bed, gathering his clothes, and slipping into them with a practiced ease that allowed her the briefest glimpse of his body. “Give me time to wash up then meet me in the refectory,” he said. Sela sat up, glancing at Snake. Axel, halfway across the room, clearly noticed. He paused. “Cover him. He should wake within a few minutes. If he’s alone, he’ll just go back to sleep. He’ll be fine.” Although he sounded so matter-of-fact, Sela heard things below the surface. There existed a quiet, confident knowledge in what he said: knowledge of Snake. You didn’t fuck someone and learn to cover him or her up, and leave the person to sleep, if you didn’t care. Before today, she could have imagined Axel screwing Snake -- hell, she could imagine Axel
Cosmic
59
screwing Snake over -- but she would not have expected Axel to do anything afterwards but walk disinterested from the room. Now, he stood there waiting until she drew the cover up and over Snake’s body. Only then did he head towards the door, although Sela didn’t automatically follow him. Despite his reassurance, she wanted to make certain that Snake was fine, and besides, she couldn’t help staring at him just a little longer. He looked so adorable.
***** When Snake opened his eyes, he expected to find himself alone. Sometimes, he woke to find Axel at his side. Rarely did they spend a sleep cycle together, though sometimes Axel allowed Snake to linger awhile. Snake was never sure why. The eyes looking down at him were brown, not blue. Sela. Letting his gaze travel down to the woman’s full lips, he recalled the kiss. It hadn’t been a full kiss. She had allowed him to sneak his tongue into her mouth, but he’d held back, not wishing to startle her. Aware he might never have another chance, he had stolen a kiss like a young boy rather than a man, but then he wasn’t a man…quite. Not only an alien, he was an alien that the Coalition had turned into a commodity. He swallowed. “How…” He tried again, his voice emerging stronger this time. “How long have I been out?” “About five minutes. I was about to leave you sleeping when you opened your eyes.” “I’m sorry,” he said. Sela’s face tightened in a frown. “What for?” “For the kiss. I know you didn’t want it. I’m also sorry for the dance. I had no right.” “We were just dancing.” “You know it meant more than that.” He watched acceptance fill her eyes. “My…kind…we often start intimacy by dancing.” His race used dance as part of foreplay, seduction. It gave them time to caress, to brush against one another’s skin, to touch, fingers finally moving in to trace the line of one another’s spines. They used it because otherwise with one of their own, things could progress too rapidly. Of course, Snake only knew this from what he’d been told as an adolescent and his first experiences of an awakening sexual interest, before what was left of his race fled their homeworld. He had vague memories of a female with whom he’d once danced. Alas, he had no way to discover if his memories were real or what had happened to her, if she indeed existed. Nevertheless, where he hadn’t had the opportunity to learn by experience, instinct compensated. He explained this in halting sentences to Sela. “We’re a rather refined race,” he said with a rueful smile. “We don’t like to rut indiscriminately.” He grimaced the moment he said it, although it was true. From what little he could remember of his race, both young and old were rather shy when it came to making that first approach. “Axel and I…”
60
Sharon Maria Bidwell
“It’s all right. You don’t need to explain.” Hesitating, feeling adrift, Snake pulled the cover closer and snuggled into it. “I know something happened between you both, and I understand,” he said. “Understand what?” Sela asked. She stroked his brow with a thumb right between his eyes. It made Snake frown. Axel did that the same way. What was it about his face that tempted people to stroke him just there? He would have to look in a mirror sometime, but for now, he needed to say his piece. “It’s all right if you and Axel are together. I can understand that.” Sela barked out a low laugh. “Together?” She gave a brief pause. “I…don’t know what we are right now, but if you can explain it, I wish you would tell me. I’d quite like to understand it myself.” “You’re not…mad at me?” “For what?” “For flirting with you. I’ve been with a man. I’m tainted. At least by your laws.” Sela blinked. “That’s the Coalition’s dictatorship, not how I feel personally.” The Coalition expressed displeasure for same-sex relationships, along with many other things. Many planets ignored what so far constituted a rather mild rebuke by Coalition standards, Venusian 6 being just one of them, although perhaps a little more open about its opposition. “Anyway, by that definition, wouldn’t that also apply to Axel?” It became Snake’s turn to blink. He gave her a small smile. “I guess it does. I guess I’ve never thought of anything like that applying to Axel before.” “I know what you mean. He does rather seem to be above everything.” “Not even mud sticks.” “It wouldn’t dare.” They shared a laugh, and then Snake grew serious once more. “I’m glad it doesn’t bother you, but if you want him, you should know you don’t have to worry about me.” Sela stared into his eyes until he grew uneasy. “Are you saying you would step aside, or that Axel thinks so little of you he would cast you aside, just like that?” He shrugged. “Both.” Leaning forward, Sela planted a kiss on his forehead, and then moved her face down. She stared at him from an inch away. “You are a very poor liar. Plus I’ve news for you. I don’t think Axel is as unfeeling as he seems.” Frowning, Snake asked, “What do you mean?” “I’m…not sure. I intend to find out, though.” She moved back. “He’s waiting for me. We’re going to talk.” She pulled at the cover, tucked it in around him. “Go to sleep, Snak…Snaithen. I promise things will look different when you wake.”
Cosmic
61
He had the feeling she didn’t know how she meant that any more than he did, but his eyes closed without his consent.
***** Sela made it to the refectory just minutes before Axel. He fetched food and drink then joined her at one of the tables. They sat opposite each other across the cold metal surface. The chairs were equally uninviting. “Do you think we should talk in such an open room?” “I’ve put a privacy seal on the door. There’ll be no recordings. No trace that we were even in here, except for a little missing coffee, and a couple of snacks no one will notice are gone. I’ve checked, and none of the others have returned. I’ve set the computer to warn me if they do.” “Won’t Marshall notice something amiss?” If you set a privacy seal on a communal room, there was usually some trace of the seal, even if you had no way of knowing what had gone on in the room during that time. The living quarters and the corridors leading to them were not so closely monitored. Still, it had been lax of Axel not to close Snake’s door, and not to set the room to privacy as well. She told him so. “I’ve taken care of it. All of it. Marshall won’t know I’ve done a thing.” “But as captain, he must…” Axel’s blue gaze gleamed hard, unyielding. He appeared almost angry. “I run this ship, not Marshall.” Sela sat back in her seat. “Oh. So that’s how it is.” It came as no surprise when Axel nodded. They could discuss Marshall another time. As much as she had questions, she wanted to know about Snake more. “Why?” she asked simply. “Why?” The question apparently amused Axel. “With Snake. Why?” The amusement faded. Something more serious crept into his eyes, but what surprised her most was the sense of calm that seemed to come over the man. She could feel it. Axel turned his head and gazed around, as though he were looking beyond the grey walls. “Space gets lonely. It’s cold and dark, empty and endless.” “Are you just talking about space or you personally?” He laughed then, and though the laugh possessed that strange blend of amusement and cynicism, the sound contained lighter emotions. She didn’t seem to be the only one surprised by the sound of his laugh. Axel blinked, falling silent. They sat, the silence weighing. She had to think of some other way to get him to talk. “How did it start?” “Why should I tell you?”
62
Sharon Maria Bidwell
A fair enough question, and she was the one who had said they should talk, but he had agreed to it. What had he come here for if he didn’t want to talk to someone? It occurred to her that maybe Axel wanted to open up to someone but that it just went against his cautious nature. She could understand that. She waited, letting the silence drag out. Either Axel would start talking, or he would walk away. No amount of prompting would influence that. “Snaithen’s been with the ship longer than I have. He was such a jumpy, solitary thing when I came on board.” She wanted to say “And you’re not solitary?” She didn’t, and didn’t have to. “I know what you’re thinking. That neither Snake nor I quite mingle with the others. Do you truly believe any of us” -- he smirked, and laughed softly -- “gel?” Thankfully, he carried on talking, so she didn’t have to answer that. “I knew what he was almost immediately, but I never let him know. I watched the others to see if they knew, and I don’t think they do. It’s possible Marshall might, but I’ve had no reason to think so, other than my suspicious nature. Then we went on one of Marshall’s foolish raids, and Snake was injured. That’s when it started.”
Cosmic
63
Chapter Eleven Axel rubbed his hands over his face. He hated displaying his discomfort so openly, but in truth, he couldn’t be sure that was the reason he felt so uncomfortable. Suddenly tired, he couldn’t be sure of anything. He didn’t want to trust Sela, but if anything happened to him, who would take care of Snake? She was the best candidate he had come across. “We found ourselves stranded down on some dry, dusty planet.” He couldn’t resist drawing his lips back from his teeth and grinning. “Stick around long enough and you’ll notice how Marshall seems to find the most inhospitable places he can. Like many Coalition establishments, they had buried the factory underground. The plan was, if something went wrong, Marshall would take the Sovereignty to safety. If we could escape, Snake and I had arranged to meet up with him at a prearranged destination. What Marshall didn’t know was that if he tried to deviate from the plan, I had rigged the computer to automatically take over and fly there.” He pulled a face at Sela’s expression. “I’m not saying Marshall would leave us high and dry on purpose. It’s not as if he likes us, but he does need our technical skills. Unfortunately, the mission required Snake’s expertise, as well as mine, but no one else’s, so even I agreed only the two of us should go down there. Besides, as I’ve already explained, I wasn’t worried. Marshall can get skittish, though. It’s partly why I prefer to take Snake alone on a mission.” “He’s a better fighter than he looks,” Sela remarked. Taking the time to churn the comment over in his mind, Axel stood up and fetched them more coffee. When he sat down again, he said, “You’re right. Snake was good enough to begin with, but he has a natural agility. I’ve taught him to use it to its best advantage.” “He still doesn’t like to fight, though.” “It’s his weakness, but that doesn’t make him a coward.” “Maybe you should tell him that.”
64
Sharon Maria Bidwell
“Ah. A rebuke. I wondered when I would receive one.” “So, you do know how you treat him?” “Of course I do. The reason why is not your concern. I will tell you that I have told him how good he is, or could be. I’ve told him his only weakness is his hesitation. He just doesn’t believe me.” Axel sipped his coffee. He’d tasted better; he’d tasted worse. “Maybe he believes you have an ulterior motive and that you have a reason to lie to him.” Axel laughed. “I wouldn’t blame him, and maybe I do. Have an ulterior motive, that is. I don’t lie to Snake.” He widened his eyes, looking at her in challenge. He was certain she purposely chose to ignore him. “What went wrong with the mission?” “A woman who keeps to the point. How refreshing.” He continued, knowing she wouldn’t rise to that bait. She was like him in many respects. “There was a cave-in. Nothing to do with us. The authorities didn’t even know we were there. Just an accident. Bad timing. We found ourselves trapped on the wrong side of the collapse. I had the sense to work on another way out. Most of the survivors tried to dig their way to the surface. My idea was we should go deeper. I had enough explosives to blast our way out, but we had to follow the natural line of the cave to a point where the wall --” “You knew of a place where the wall was thinnest. Maybe the side of a mountain.” He nodded. “There was a jut of land, lower ground, over a water course. Once out, I remotely piloted our transport, and flew us off the planet.” “You didn’t try to help the others?” “Those people were the same ones who used creatures like Snake, milking them with no more thought than they would mine minerals from a cave, regardless of what it would do to the infrastructure. No. I did not try to help them.” She nodded, though he couldn’t tell if the gesture was in agreement or just acceptance. “You said Snake was injured?” Unable to help it, Axel looked away. Even now, he could recall the vision of those injuries. “We were in one of the laboratories when the cave-in happened. A fire started. I’d left Snake to open a sealed vault. The Coalition had developed a new way to purify water. Such a method would be invaluable to anyone. The Coalition, naturally, are not inclined to share freely.” “You could also charge what you wanted for such a device.” He grinned. “You already know Marshall too well.” “Implying you would never do such a thing.” “It depends on my reasons for withholding the technology. My decision would not be so…egotistical as Marshall’s, shall we say.”
Cosmic
65
“Did you get what you needed? Did you find out how to purify water?” “You are drinking it.” He nodded towards her cup. “The door to the lab closed automatically, separating us. By the time I got it open, which isn’t my area of expertise, fire had swept through most of the room.” “So, Snake was…burned?” Sela sounded as unhappy with the idea as he was remembering that day. Axel tried to remain emotionless and just recount the facts. “He could have been incinerated, but he had the sense to seek what cover he could. Most of one side of his body sustained damage.” A mild way to put something so gory, and he could see that she knew it. Axel sat and told her the rest of it, alarmed to discover the memory affected him more now than it had then.
***** Axel moved into the room slowly, flinching back as things toppled and fell. The intense heat that had passed through this room still radiated from the surfaces, even the walls. The only cool thing was the floor, formed from natural rock, but even that had seeped up some of the heat. He didn’t need to see the full extent of Snaithen’s injuries to know the other man was hurting. Snaithen’s breath shivered in and out of his body. Axel had transferred his weapon from his right hand to his left, to facilitate ease of movement when forcing open the door. Now, he moved the gun back to his right. He wanted to draw in a deep, calming breath, in preparation, in case he needed to put Snaithen out of his misery. He couldn’t breathe in as deep as he wanted; it would leave him choking. An odd rattle made him glance up at the ducts that fed breathable air throughout the underground complex. He could only hope they kept working or they would all suffocate. When he finally set eyes on Snaithen, he almost heaved a sigh of relief, even though the sight sickened some dim part of his mind that he kept buried. Undoubtedly fatal to a human, Snaithen could heal from his burns. The real concern was shock. One side of his body was a red, raw mass, skin popping, breaking out into blisters that burst even as he watched. A thin nausea rose into Axel’s throat. Snaithen had to be in agony, but Axel couldn’t do anything about that, unless the man would let him help, and to do that, Snaithen had to work to help himself first. The alien whimpered, moved back. Incredibly, he tried to hide. Perhaps he had already succumbed to shock. “Let me help you.” It took a couple of attempts, but then the alien rasped out, “You can’t.” He didn’t have time for this. Axel raised the weapon and shot it, aiming a little off to Snaithen’s side. The other man flinched, though the movement had to hurt, and finally looked Axel in the eye.
66
Sharon Maria Bidwell
“I can end it.” Those green eyes told him that was what the other man expected. “Or if you can manage to get the vault open, I can also dig around and find you something for the pain and to fight against infection.” Snaithen swallowed, swayed, his eyes closing. Tears ran down his face. “I open the vault, and then you kill me anyway. You’re not going to want to nurse me through this.” “Either way, the pain will stop.” “You’re a bastard.” The words came out shivering as much as Snaithen was shaking from pain. “More than you know. Snaithen, I know what you are. I know with some care, you can heal from this.” Rather than evince reassurance, Axel’s declaration clearly made Snaithen more wary. He had good reason to be afraid, but Axel was out of patience. “I don’t have time for this. Neither do you. I don’t care what you are. I don’t sell anyone out to the Coalition. I may not have many rules, but that’s one of them. Now, open the vault and we both get out of here, or I won’t bother to shoot you to end your misery. Open the vault, or I’m leaving you here and sealing the door on the way out.”
***** Sela gaped at him. “You actually said that to a burned man?” “What would you have preferred? That I hold his hand while he slowly went into shock? The word pain doesn’t cover that kind of hurt. He didn’t trust me. I had to use his fear against him.” Begrudging as she felt about it, she had to admit she understood. Sela gave Axel an uneasy nod. “Doesn’t mean I have to like it.” “It doesn’t mean I liked it, either. I gave him a choice. Help me so I could help him, or I would leave him there to die in agony.” “I got the picture already.” A thought struck her. “Would you have done it?” What she saw in Axel’s eyes was a quick calculation. Suddenly, he looked weary. “No. I would have tried to open the door myself, but in truth, as brilliant as I am, Snake and I have our own specialised areas.” She let the brilliant remark slip by without a comment. “Together, you make a whole.” Those blue eyes flashed up to her face, half-angry, half-something else. Fear? “If I had failed to open the door within a set time, I would have shot him.” Certain he spoke as a rebuttal, she opened her mouth to argue and then closed it again. She had seen injuries as bad as Axel described and worse. She would have tried everything possible to save Snake, but rather than leave someone dying like that in agony, she would have done the same thing. She nodded. “So I’m guessing Snake got the door open.”
Cosmic
67
“He did with my help. I’m not even sure I could have managed to keep a clear head while suffering that level of pain. I think I would have begged someone to shoot me.” If Axel tried to hide the admiration for the other man in his voice, he failed miserably. Possibly he didn’t even know it existed. “I worked quickly, gave him something for the pain first. Fetched what we had come for next and then found enough medication, ointments, and dressings to last for a few days. I bundled it all up and then encountered the problem of getting him out of there. I couldn’t touch him, not to carry. Even the painkillers wouldn’t have blocked the agony of my touching him. The best we could manage was for him to lean on me. He took my hand if necessary, but mostly, he just pressed the front of his body against me, and we sort of stumbled along. It kept his side from touching against anything. It took three hours to find a place where I could blast our way out, and I had to risk overdosing him so he could keep moving. By the time we made it to the transport, he didn’t know what planet we were on. He didn’t even know his own name.” “You treated him so you saw his spine, but you already knew what he was. Surely you couldn’t hide the burns from the rest of the crew? How come they didn’t notice he’s an alien?” Axel’s gaze grew distant. “He healed in ten days. I managed to stretch returning to the ship by four. By then…” He stopped, moving his head oddly. Finally, he looked directly into her eyes. Sela found his gaze disturbing, yet it haunted her in another way, almost intimate in its intensity. “By then, I had found another way to help him. He had healed enough to hide any pain until I could get him to his suite. Then we told the others he was sick with fever, and I set his room to quarantine. Marshall, ever cautious, never questioned it. I would slip in and continue what we had started on the return journey. By the time he healed, we were lovers.”
***** “Don’t.” “Sshh. Hush. The painkillers aren’t enough.” Axel closed his eyes briefly. Lethargy of the sort that only a long, deep sleep could heal crept over him, and he stood up to shake it off. He wanted to turn up the lights, but he had to conserve the small ship’s power, and Snaithen needed to rest. Axel went back to sit beside him, where the alien lay on his front. Axel reached out to touch the nape of the man’s neck. “I don’t like you touching me.” Axel laughed. “What makes you think I want to?” “You…seem rather good at it.” Snaithen’s misplaced audacity stunned him. “I don’t know whether to take that as a compliment or something else. I’m amazed you have the nerve to say it.”
68
Sharon Maria Bidwell
“Put it down to the medication,” Snaithen replied. This time, Axel chuckled. “I’ll do that.” He went back to massaging Snaithen’s neck, avoiding the burns or stretching the skin. Shifting, he moved to a better position for what he intended. Snaithen tensed and then drew in a breath between his teeth. “Stop it,” Axel demanded. “We both know this can help you.” “I know, but…” Axel ignored the complaint. He moved his fingers down Snaithen’s spine for the first time, amazed that he gave it his full attention. Curiosity won out. His fingertips examined each ridge, the smooth, rounded shape of each overlapping plate, which tapered down to a pointed tip a third of the way down the next ridge. The plates grew smaller as they progressed. A moan followed by a soft sigh echoed around the cramped interior of the tiny spacecraft. The body under his fingers visibly relaxed. “Better?” “Hmm…yes.” Snaithen appeared to struggle. “You’d better stop now.” “It’s taking away your pain,” Axel replied, as though that explained why he kept touching him. In truth, he found it soothing, though he didn’t understand why. The call for sleep amplified. He shook his head. “What’s happening?” Snaithen swallowed, and Axel could…taste his fear. That couldn’t be right. “You’re reacting to my feramaun. It’s not my fault or yours. It can’t be helped. It’s what happens when…we’re touched the way you’re touching me.” Axel blinked. “You mean pheromones?” “Yes.” “Doesn’t that…” He swallowed. That usually had something to do with sex, though he knew enough biology to know it could mean other things. “It varies. I think right now, whatever you’re feeling, it’s increased.” “I’m tired,” Axel said. “Then you should sleep.” He had to laugh. “I’m the one looking after you. I also need to keep watch in case someone finds this ship.” They hid between a moon and an asteroid. “You’ve set the computer to scan for approaching spacecraft. What good will you do me if you’re exhausted?” He didn’t know if it was due to a chemical secretion, or whether he could just no longer fight, but Axel lay down next to Snaithen and fell asleep. He woke several hours later to the sound of whimpering. Rising up, trying to clear his mind, it took a moment to realise that although Snaithen slept, the drugs that helped keep him semi-sedated weren’t enough. Somewhere in the unconscious part of Snaithen’s mind,
Cosmic
69
the pain still reached him. Axel couldn’t give him more drugs for fear of killing him. It would also slow down his body’s natural regenerative capabilities, and that was the last thing the alien needed. Axel did the only thing he could. He stroked Snaithen’s spine. By the time the man calmed, the whimpers had turned to sighs, and though it was probably the pheromones, Axel had grabbed his cock for the first time in… Too long, too long, it has been
too long. Rubbing hard and fast through his garments wasn’t enough. Axel pulled off his tunic, broke open the fastening that covered his groin, and let that solid heat out into his hand. He groaned aloud, the sound issuing and mingling with one of Snaithen’s soft moans. Their combined cries rolled around the cabin as though the sound were a separate thing, conjoined and alive. With his left hand, he stroked the soft ridge of the alien’s spine, no longer certain if he did it to ease the other man’s pain, or as a wish to drink down whatever it was that the alien emitted. Whatever the pheromone was, it rose like an invisible yet warm, moist cloud, to engulf him. It coated his mind in fog, and rather than hate Snaithen for it, he gave in to the sensation with gratitude. The hard, rigid length in his hand grew slick. He seeped. “I can do that for you.” Opening his eyes, Axel met that green gaze. “Only one side is burnt. I can move this arm well enough.” A twinge of anger rose up, coupled with disgust, though Axel didn’t know where to aim his hatred. Snaithen hadn’t asked to have his spine stroked. Snaithen hadn’t encouraged Axel to masturbate. His fingers had stopped stroking Snaithen for some time. The cloud receded, and Axel’s mind started to clear. Much to his surprise, rather than tell Snaithen to fuck off, he nodded. Long, sure, delicate fingers reached out and began to jerk him off. Axel watched the intensity of the alien’s gaze as those green eyes focused on his cock. It struck him as somewhat funny that this…activity took the man’s mind off his pain as much the painkillers or strokes to his spine. That knowing hand tore a grunt from Axel, chasing the amusement back and allowing other, darker emotions to wash in, filling him. Snaithen’s gaze lifted towards his face, looking anxious. Yes. Axel could taste the alien’s fear now. “I can stop,” Snaithen said in a quiet voice, clearly afraid that Axel would punish him for this. Axel shook his head. “Too late,” he whispered, and it was for both of them as heat rushed through his body, tightening his balls then sped up and out in a liquid rush that made Axel throw back his head on a cry.
***** Axel shifted uneasily, uncomfortable with his confession. He could have left out the small details. He wished Sela would break the silence.
70
Sharon Maria Bidwell
“I get how that could have happened, but why carry on back aboard this ship?” “You sound accusing.” “Shouldn’t I be?” Sela sighed, but she sounded more exasperated than annoyed. “Look, you can laugh in my face if you wish, but for some peculiar reason, I like Snake.” “Not so peculiar. He’s likable.” She blinked. “You’re surprised?” “Surprised you’d admit it.” “I could answer that, but I won’t. Not right now.” “Fine. That still leaves the fact that pheromones, stress, tension, call it what you will. Being close to death. All that combined could explain your actions, but not once you were back on the ship.” “Snake still needed time to heal. It might amaze you, but he would have found it difficult to stroke his own spine. He’s flexible, but it wouldn’t be the same.” “Stop being obnoxious.” He nodded, smiling, then said, “Things…escalated. I don’t think either of us intended them to.” “In what way?” “That you don’t need to know.” Sela stared at him, and then laughed. “You get off on it. You get off on the ability to arouse him like that. You use it, so you can use him.” “I don’t use him.” “You do, from what I’ve seen --” “You’ve seen nothing!” Axel snapped. “You don’t know a thing about me or about Snake.” “Don’t you get it?” Sela snapped back. “I don’t care that the two of you fuck. I care about you using him to get off and casting him aside like…” She stopped speaking, colour rushing into her face. Axel was sure she’d been about to refer to what had happened between the two of them earlier. “Is that what you think I did to you?” She shook her head, but he could tell she didn’t mean it. He gritted his teeth, forcing the words out. “I had to get out. Away from you.” “Why?” He almost laughed, but the sound lodged in his throat. “I don’t want to like you, Sela, but I didn’t leave to hurt you. I didn’t use you, and I do not use Snake.” He hesitated. “Not in the way you mean.”
Cosmic
71
He stood, moving away from the table, unable to carry on this conversation any longer. “Why tell me all this? Why confide in me? You tell me these things and yet it feels as though I’ve heard only half of the truth. What do you want from me, Axel?” He stopped at the door. The moment he opened it, the privacy seal would break. He might as well tell her now. He turned to face her. “I know you like Snake. I want you to take care of him. Protect him from Marshall and others like him, if you can. I want you to look out for him…if anything happens to me.” Those dark brown eyes regarded him, unblinking. “You love him,” she said, gently. For one brief moment, he wanted to say yes. The moment passed. “I don’t love anyone,” he said, just before he left. “Not even myself.”
PART TWO
Cosmic
73
Chapter Twelve The expression on Marshall’s face made Sela feel decidedly uneasy. One could almost see the gleam of dominion in Marshall’s gaze. The transponder was up and running, and his eyes mirrored his dream of almost godlike power. Axel’s eyes narrowed as he studied the man. Though he gave almost nothing away, his gaze did express a slight concern before he seemed to recover, and the mask he usually wore came down like a shutter over his face, blanking out his expression. At least Sela wasn’t alone in her misgivings. Probably in a hope to gain trust, she’d confessed to Axel that her initial instinct had been to keep the details of the transponder a secret, but frankly, the schematics were doing no one any good while they remained on the computer readout in her pocket. That was not even taking into consideration that the ship, though old in parts, battered and bruised, was powerful. The Sovereignty was at least as powerful as any the rebels had in their control, perhaps more so. Sela had to wonder what adjustments to the craft Axel had made that none of the others knew about. In addition, despite her dislike and mistrust of the man, Marshall was an obvious leader. No way could she in all conscience have kept the subject of the transponder secret. Moreover, if she had, she might not be part of the crew now, and she wanted to be. It didn’t sit well with Sela that Axel and Snake were a large part of the reason, but she lied only when necessary and hated lying to herself most of all. Now she was seeing Marshall for the man he could be: an excellent tactician. He seemed to hold even Axel’s full attention, although Axel made her jump almost guiltily as moving to a seat and brushing past her to do so, he whispered, “Isn’t it a pity you can’t trust him?” They had been listening to the Coalition’s plans and manoeuvres for the last three days. At first, Marshall had wanted to make several quick, surprise assaults, plans that the crew
74
Sharon Maria Bidwell
quickly shouted down. As Sela had explained before, there was no point in letting the Coalition know that they were listening in, and any actions too out of the ordinary would alert them. When they discussed more sensible plans, though, Marshall proved his ability to form a good strategy. “There’s something.” Marshall raised a finger. They all paid attention to the hiss and crackle, which would make no sense to anyone without a transponder, that was. As the machine set itself to interpret, the message became clear.
Zeus arrival expected 0900. Situation all clear. Success. “Now what the hell is that supposed to mean?” Marshall sounded vexed. “If they wanted you to know, they’d come right out and tell you,” Axel said sardonically. “Obviously someone or something is expected, and they see the outcome of the arrangement as positive, in their favour. That means it is far from favourable for us.” Sela bit her lower lip, thoughtful. Then, remembering her audience, she glanced up and caught Axel’s gaze. Quickly, too quickly, she looked away.
***** While the others continued to argue the meaning of the message, Sela excused herself at the first possible opportunity. She expressed the need to lie down, referring to too much wine with dinner, which wasn’t entirely untrue. Snake seemed to feel he’d found a soul mate when it came to wining and dining. However, a hazy head was only part of the equation. “Thought you’d escaped?” Sela failed to act surprised, which only emphasised her guilt. To her credit, she didn’t pull away when Axel clasped her about the arm. She’d foolishly alerted him to her mood and, no doubt, to something of her thoughts as well, by her manner on the flight deck. Then she’d foolishly made a somewhat hasty retreat from the refectory as soon as they’d finished eating. Maybe she even wanted Axel to follow her, but she didn’t want to think too closely about that. She had developed a sudden habit of speaking only formally with Axel, and while she continued to laugh and joke with Snake, she was very aware of the pressure of all the things they weren’t saying. Snake’s initial blushes had taken most of a day to fade. Sela had seen Snake and Axel in an embrace that the word “intimate” hardly accounted for. That incident embarrassed Snake. Axel… Well, she still wasn’t quite sure what Axel thought or felt. Axel half-circled her, as much as he could without releasing his grip on her arm. He came close behind her so that she could have leaned back against him if she liked. She resisted the impulse, although as soon as she had the thought, that was exactly what she wanted to do. As he spoke, his breath stirred the hair on her neck, and she bit down hard on her lip to stifle a groan. She waited for him to speak, but he seemed in no hurry to do so. If anything, the heat on her neck increased and all too soon began to stir a flame lower in her
Cosmic
75
body. Embers ignited. Heat increased. She ached for something hard and rigid, and it would be all the better because Axel would be as unyielding as his cock. She didn’t know why the very things that antagonised her about him also seemed to make him undeniably attractive. “Marshall mistrusts you. Tell me why I should do otherwise.” “I thought you’d already made that decision. Or do you always trust others with someone else’s life so easily?” She meant his confession regarding Snake’s ancestry and said it to goad him, knowing that it wasn’t true. There were many things she hadn’t figured out about Axel yet, but he cared about Snake, even if he didn’t want anyone to know it and didn’t even want to acknowledge the fact himself. “I may trust you as much as I trust anyone, but that isn’t necessarily saying much.” Sela made no reply. He moved again to her side, still clasping her arm and still studying her face, his gaze almost burning into the side of her cheek as though it were a laser, undeniably close. No doubt this was what they meant when they talked about someone invading your personal space. If she were weaker in resolve, she might have given in to the sheer presence of the man. As it was, he did enough to make her feel victimised. She didn’t like it. Then his grip tightened painfully, making her wince. His grip did funny things to her insides. Belatedly, she realised that although she didn’t take kindly to his treatment, another part of her liked it too much. “You understood something in that message, didn’t you?” His voice was hard, almost rasping. She looked up at him then, unflinching from the hardness in his gaze or the brutal grip. She flicked her gaze left and right. Axel had called the universe a dark, cold, and empty place, and he hadn’t just been talking about the far reaches and depths of space. You had to trust someone sometime in your life, or it became a lonely existence. You couldn’t ask someone to trust you if you weren’t willing to offer them the same faith. Reaching a decision, she answered, “I think so. Some of it anyway.” “Why didn’t you say?” “Because I’m not sure. Because it could be dangerous. Because Marshall is liable to go charging in. Because I don’t trust him. He’s a good leader only up to a point. I don’t know if I want him to have this information.” “None of us follow him blindly.” “So I’ve noticed.” Sela removed his grip on her arm by taking his hand and tugging. She pulled away. “You hesitate, you question. You even go out of your way to argue, but he doesn’t take it seriously. He’s unaware of the true extent of your dissension.” “Maybe because we want him to feel that way.” “We? Oh no, Axel. There is no we, no they. You, Axel. You are the one who is waiting, playing a very dangerous game.”
76
Sharon Maria Bidwell
Axel smiled then, that amused sneer that had become his silent catchphrase. “Maybe.” His voice was deep and sensuous, though he seemed unaware of it or its effect. “But it’s not as dangerous as the game you’re playing. None of us has a reason to trust you. There’s something you’ve not told us.” “There are many things I’ve not told you.” He frowned. “Explain.” “No, Axel. I won’t. At least not now. Not to you or anyone.” “I can go back and tell the others of your deceit.” “Fine. I’ll be no worse off than I am now, and I will absolutely refuse to speak. I need time, Axel, and you are going to grant it to me. I have to be sure before I say anything. You’re just going to have to be patient.” He was not amused. “And if I decide otherwise?” Sela turned back to stare at him, for she had already turned to walk away. “There is no otherwise. You say none of you has a reason to trust me. Well, I have even less reason to trust any of you.” She grinned ruefully, and shrugged. “I’m outnumbered, for one thing.” It took only a moment for Axel to tilt back his head and laugh.
Cosmic
77
Chapter Thirteen Sela stood, arms folded, teeth gritted. She had tried hiding her feelings from Marshall, but what was the point? He knew very well that she was angry and frustrated. What he possibly didn’t understand was her sheer level of frustration. She must have made some movement, given some indication of her feelings, because Axel’s blue gaze lifted from the weapon he was checking to her face. When he had her attention, he shook his head, the movement only slight, almost imperceptible, but she knew enough of Axel now to know he wouldn’t do that for nothing. Was it possible he knew how close she was to losing her temper? The idea that Axel knew her as well as she seemed to know him after such a short time alarmed her. She took in a calming breath. Deal with one thing at a time. That was all she could do, and right now, the problem was Marshall. The others were giving her little glances that looked almost guilty. Marshall had turned his back on her, a wholly dismissive gesture. Sela stood her ground, watching them while they made a few final adjustments to their weapons and equipment. When she’d complained about her exclusion, Marshall had told her the mission wasn’t her concern. “I was voted in as a crew member on board this ship,” she now reminded him. “You get us into trouble, and I’m likely to get caught up in it. I’d say that was my concern.” Marshall turned back to her, looking her up and down as though she were a vaguely interesting but distasteful species. His expression indicated he might well argue. “Marshall,” Meliora said. There existed a hint of disapproval in her tone. Clearly, she was trying to remind Marshall that they’d discussed the matter of Sela’s status amongst the crew, even if he still disagreed with their decision. Marshall ignored her. “Until you’ve got something worthwhile to share and can prove you’re worthy to be a member of this crew, I suggest you keep your nose out of it.”
78
Sharon Maria Bidwell
Marshall already seemed to have forgotten Sela had provided the data so that they had the transponder to begin with and could go on this mission at all. That simple fact evidently failed to persuade him. Obviously, he was acting on something he’d heard via the equipment she had supplied, but he’d purposely kept her out of the loop, and apparently, there were no thanks coming her way. “In the meantime,” he continued, “while we’re gone, if you want to make yourself useful, I suggest that you keep listening to the transmissions. Let’s see if you can spot something important.” Sela took a step forward, her hands balling into fists as she lowered her arms to her sides. Whatever she might have done in the grip of a blind and, she had to admit, unreasonable rage was lost for all time as Axel added, “I happen to agree.” She started, blinking in his direction. She met that cool blue gaze. Just as well that his gaze was so cool. The sight of his eyes somehow calmed the wild, irrational force of her temper. “I agree with Marshall’s assessment on this mission,” he continued. “You should stay on board.” From the corner of her eye, she could see Marshall looked pleased and altogether too smug. She stepped back, letting go of her rage, but it wasn’t due to anything Marshall had said. As Axel brushed past her, he whispered, “I for one promise to be careful.” Sela shivered. Was he implying that she cared in some way? He winked, but his expression remained too serious for the gesture. Whatever they were doing, Axel clearly agreed with the risk factor on this mission, and for some reason, he didn’t want her to upset Marshall at this time.
***** Sela sat listening to what basically amounted to a great deal of static, interrupted by cargo flights and prison hauls, any of which Marshall would gladly have disrupted, but they had agreed that such disruption would only be temporary and a minor irritation. They had chosen the strategy of carefully selecting missions, which was why his keeping her out of this one irked Sela so much. She sighed. That was only part of the reason, of course. She didn’t like falling in line with a megalomaniac like Marshall, and she didn’t like the idea of Snake and Axel being away on a mission without her to back them up. Try as she might, she couldn’t deny that, even if she would have died rather than admit it in either man’s presence. As the minutes ticked by, time began to grate on her nerves. She cast a glance at the only other member of the crew to remain behind. Asta had stayed to beam the crew back on board and, no doubt, to keep an eye on their newest member. Sela had made a poor attempt to draw the woman into conversation. In truth, the
Cosmic
79
woman had been unusually quiet since Marshall told her to remain on board, and Sela had inadvertently brought that up in her attempt at conversation. “Don’t you mind always being the one left behind, left to beam everyone else up?” Sela had asked casually enough when it became clear that this was usually Asta’s job as one of the crew. Asta had grimaced. “It’s an important duty,” she replied, hardly sounding convincing. According to Axel, he was working on automating the procedure, but as far as Marshall was concerned, it was hardly a priority when Asta could bring the crew aboard. The more Asta appeared to want to spend time in Marshall’s presence, the more Marshall seemed disinclined to entertain her. Why then, had Sela seen Asta slip from Marshall’s quarters the other day? Asta hadn’t appeared to be a woman who had just enjoyed a sexual encounter. She’d looked dishevelled enough but rather tearful. Sela wanted to know what the woman had to be so upset about, but Asta swiftly rebuked any attempts to ask questions. Asta, probably fearing Sela would try to pry information out of her, claimed to be too busy to talk. In some way, it came as a relief. Asta wasn’t the best company. Marshall’s instruction to listen to the transponder at least gave Sela something to do to keep her mind occupied.
Zeus arrival confirmed. Presidential confirmation: five-zero-one. Sela started and then looked across to Asta, but the woman was too intent monitoring the sensors and scanners to notice Sela’s surprise. Still, Sela rubbed at her eyes and shifted about in her seat just in case Asta had noticed. The performance struck her as comical, if necessary. Five-zero-one was high category and high priority. She’d just had her suspicions confirmed.
***** Sela forgot the message all too quickly. The crew arrived back aboard the ship out to kill one another. “You murdering bastard!” Axel grabbed Marshall as soon as he dropped his gear and stepped over it. He curled his hands into Marshall’s clothes and slammed him up against the wall. Sela saw Asta eye one of the discarded weapons and calmly took a step towards her. The other woman looked up, and they stared at each other. The quick calculation that Sela saw in Asta’s gaze clearly fell in her favour when Asta retreated a few steps until her back touched the wall. It was a smart move. Asta would never have reached the weapon before Sela. She glanced at Snake and Meliora, but they both looked shocked, even defeated. Sela couldn’t tell if it was because of the scene they were witnessing or because of what had happened down on the planet. She felt a little stunned herself. During her time on board, she had seen Axel exhibit many things, but never this level of rage. They seemed at an impasse, Marshall pressed against the wall by Axel’s wrath, and Axel possibly not knowing what to do
80
Sharon Maria Bidwell
with all that anger now that he’d unleashed it. Sela understood the feeling. Marshall slowly drew his lips back into a sneer, maybe not the wisest move. “Oh, come now. You care nothing for those people.” Axel swallowed, his expression wavering, as though perhaps he wanted to deny it but couldn’t. He confirmed this when next he spoke, and Sela didn’t know whether to be more disconcerted by the idea that she could read him or what he would do about it if he knew she could. His words and the gradually forming pattern of what had happened down there broke into her thoughts. “Maybe not, but she was unharmed, innocent. I’m not in this war to shoot farmers and their families. She couldn’t have been more than sixteen, barely a woman, almost a child!” The stunned silence now seemed to have a combined force, as the impact of Axel’s words truly sunk in. Sela glanced at the other uneasy-looking faces. Marshall’s gaze flicked around as though he finally had the sense to realise no one was happy with him. He moved as though to push away from the wall, but Axel’s grip held him in check. Marshall’s eyes widened slightly. He looked surprised. Reaching up, he grasped Axel’s hands at the wrists, but a rather quieter struggle seemed to be taking place. Still Axel wouldn’t let up. “Let go, Axel,” Marshall said, his voice very calm and deliberate. “I am the leader here.” Sela didn’t expect Axel to answer him. She expected him to let go and step back. He didn’t. His voice dropped an octave, became something dark and foreboding, something she never wanted to hear if he were displeased with her. “How can we trust a leader that will shoot the very people we’re supposed to be fighting for?” The two men stood glaring at each other. The rest of the crew stood unmoving, barely breathing. It was as though they all sensed any sudden movement could escalate the potential for violence. If it erupted now, one of these men was going to kill the other. Sela wanted to look for a weapon, but she didn’t dare. If she so much as glanced at one, if Asta or Marshall noticed, there would be an all-out slaughter. She stared at Axel instead, silently willing him to back down, to get them out of this. “If you’re talking mutiny here, then maybe we’d better have a vote. You do know the penalty for mutiny, don’t you, Axel?” Marshall’s challenge was clear. Sela watched Axel swallow, witnessed his uncertainty. Not now. Not here. Not yet. She continued to offer up a silent prayer. Slowly, Axel lowered his head. He glanced slightly to the left towards Snake, and then to the right at her. Gradually, Axel eased off. Sela blinked in surprise when she realised that Axel backed down for their sake. From the smug grin on Marshall’s face, clearly he saw things differently. He moved away from the wall, glancing around at them with evident disdain. His voice boomed out, loud and clear.
Cosmic
81
“I made a choice. A necessary decision. It’s what a leader does. He makes the awkward, nasty little choices that the rest of you don’t have the guts to do. I wasn’t going to leave someone alive who had seen us, could identify us. We got in, we set the charges, and we got out. The mission was a success. If you’re too frightened to make the occasional sacrifice for the greater good, then perhaps you’d better decide to get the hell off my ship!”
82
Sharon Maria Bidwell
Chapter Fourteen Sela caught up with Axel just as the door closed to Snake’s room, and Axel threw an impotent punch at it. His curse said striking his hand against the door hurt, and so did the action of rubbing at his bruised knuckles as he turned back towards his own suite. He looked altogether angry, and then his expression faltered as he noticed her. A glance towards Snake’s door altered his expression still further. He looked almost guilty or at least uncomfortable. “He’s shook up,” he said, pushing past her to enter his suite. “I’m not surprised. We all are. That was a very foolish thi…eck.” The strangled sound escaped her throat as Axel grabbed her wrist and dragged her into his suite after him. He closed the door and set the privacy seal. He leaned into her and she turned her head, not in alarm but in defence of his scent. She could smell the almost overpowering aroma of sweat, but it wasn’t the good kind. Funny how sweat could have different scents. There was sickly sweat when someone was ill and the heady type of sweat of arousal. She detected neither of these. Axel smelt of adrenaline, the sort that came from anger, when your heart had pumped blood too fast through your veins in an effort to keep you alert. She could smell a suffocating combination of negative emotions all topped off with a heady dose of something she could only describe as fear. Knowing Axel as well as she suspected she did, no doubt she perceived the sensible type of fear that worked to keep him alive. Axel flinched almost at the same time she did, either reacting to her drawing back or becoming aware of his smell, but he withdrew only slightly. “Stay here,” he told her, “while I wash.” So he was aware it was less than pleasant to be this close to him right now. Something else in his voice made her want to flee from the room, but the moment he stepped back, she discovered she couldn’t move. The same thing that made her want to flee also told her it
Cosmic
83
wouldn’t be her wisest choice. The ship wasn’t big enough to avoid Axel forever. Sometimes, one had to face fate head-on.
***** If the scowl was anything to go by, the shower did nothing to improve Axel’s temperament. The sight of him wet, wrapped only in a towel, did all manner of wrong and unkind things to her. Sela jerked her gaze away, but too late. She had seen a certain part of his anatomy was long and thick under that towel. He stalked across the room towards her, though she caught the look of surprise in his eyes, almost as though he hadn’t truly expected to find her here when he emerged from the shower. The way a slight smile tugged at his lips told her he had also noticed where her gaze fell before she looked away. He came up close, invading her space, leaning in to her. “There’s something about you, Sela,” he whispered soft and low in her ear. “Something I don’t trust.” “I thought you trusted no one.” This banter was as banal as the general conversation they endured with most of the crew, or at least whenever Marshall or Asta were present. The trouble was, this time it served another purpose. She turned her head, almost wishing she hadn’t when she looked into Axel’s eyes so startlingly close to hers. He was too close, physically and mentally. The physical she had thought she could handle. She wouldn’t even mind handling some of that excellent physique, but as to the rest… Sela did her best to shake off her sudden mental stupor. She didn’t want to be this close to anyone. She couldn’t afford it. As though he read her thoughts, Axel spoke. “It’s not about trust. I don’t like people who get close, but for days, I couldn’t figure you out. Now I have, and it’s even odder than I thought.” He gripped her left wrist in his right hand, and she jerked it away, evading his grasp, but ow… She felt the sting of his fingers as she pulled so roughly away from his hand. “What do you want?” she demanded of him. “If you’re looking for someone to continue the argument that you started with Marshall, then your luck is out.” He studied her, leaning back in as close as he could get without touching. The heat of his body did the caressing for him. His gaze wandered, never stopping in one place for too long. Then his eyes grew lidded, half-closed. His chest expanded as though he breathed in her scent. “I’m not looking to continue the fight, just for something to plunge all my frustration into.” She laughed. “And as Snake isn’t available, you think you’ll take it out on me?” Axel was shaking his head. “Not on you. In you.” He reached out to grab her right hand, and she had to fight him off, but then a silly snatch and grab evasion, grasping of hands ensued. She tugged free and batted him away, only for his hands to return to try to grab her by the wrist or another place on her arm. At
84
Sharon Maria Bidwell
first, it annoyed her. Then she grew alarmed. She tried to back up, and the edge of the counter bit into the top of her rump. Each room contained one of these counters running along one wall. It served as a dressing area, work surface, even a table for eating combined. A row of lights set into the ceiling, designed to shine directly down on this area, bathed them in a pale, yellow light. The rest of the room stood in shadow at Axel’s back. The room felt far too warm and intimate suddenly. A small sound escaped her throat. “What’s wrong?” Axel asked. “We both know we’re soundly matched. You want me to stop, you only have to make me. Hmm? Do you want me to stop?” His movements grew more forceful, and now she had to fight to keep him even that small distance away. Her fingers tugged his hands away from the fastenings on her clothes. Her nails dug in and clawed, but he paid no attention to such small pain. He just kept fighting his way through her defences, and though she hated to admit it, that meant not only the physical obstacles that she set up. He grabbed her suddenly around the hips, a move she hadn’t anticipated, and lifted her enough to dump her unceremoniously onto the counter. He fought to hold her in place, even as he pushed her legs apart with his thighs. “You want me to stop, Sela, you’re going to have to make me.” Axel was right. If she wanted him to stop, she was going to have to hurt him to make him do so. The question was whether she could do that, or if she even wanted to. She kicked and scratched, pushed and growled out her frustration. Really, it was quite delightful in its way, but he wanted more of a reaction. “Come on,” Axel almost sighed. “Fight me, Sela. You can do better than that.” His words had a surprising effect. She hesitated enough that it allowed him to get a good grip on her arms and pin them to her sides. Her muscles tensed under his hands, enough that he expected her to start struggling against him once more. The tension in her was such that it seemed to hover for a moment, just on the edge of indecision. Then she relaxed, not much, but just enough to indicate a change in her manner. “Is that what you want? You want me to fight you? You want to make this about force?” Some part of him did, but it had nothing to do with rape. He said so, speaking quietly, only vaguely aware he had reassured her of that until she answered him. “I know that’s not why you’re doing this. This isn’t about force or sex. I know only too well how you feel.” He wanted to tell her that she didn’t understand at all but… He laughed. “I always found it somewhat patronising when someone says they know how you feel, but that’s the odd thing here.” He leaned back, just enough so that he could see her face. “That’s the odd thing I sense between you and me, that maybe you do know, that maybe we’re too much alike.”
Cosmic
85
She snarled, pulling her lips back from her teeth. She looked feral, slightly ugly in her anger, and altogether pissed off. A sudden curl of pleasure took him low in his stomach. He fucking loved it! “I’m nothing like you,” Sela objected. Catching her about the waist, he jerked her body against him. He pinned her arms by the wrists at her back, and stared down into her face. Even so, to hold her still meant he needed to grasp her tight enough to bruise. Even knowing he would leave marks on her body, Axel couldn’t let go. Some part of him wanted to mark her. He spoke, his face close to hers, lips barely moving. “I look at you and see me. I see someone who doesn’t want to trust anyone, doesn’t want to care about anyone. Someone who is just fine, or pretends to be, as long as he or she can get along on their own, even in the midst of a crowd. Shipmates?” He laughed. “We’d toss them aside in a heartbeat if it meant saving our own skin.” “Speak for yourself!” she snapped out, but he only jerked her hard in response, tearing a grunt from her throat. He stared into her eyes, searching their depths, certain she would have looked away if he hadn’t tangled his fingers into that too long, impractical hair. “No,” he said, finally. “I’m right or almost right. We are alike. We do what we have to do even if we don’t like it, but the difference between you and me is that if you have to let someone get close and then leave them to die, you’d let yourself get cut up about it.” She sneered and his certainty faltered. “If you truly believe that about yourself, then you’re a fool.” Now her gaze flicked back and forth studying him, and if he could have stepped back, or turned his head to the side without the risk of losing his grip on her, he would have. “You think you use even those you love, but one day, you’ll realise it’s too late and you’ve already given your heart. You just didn’t realise it at the time.” “No.” He snapped his mouth shut on the word too late. He tried to untangle himself from her, but Sela linked her legs around his, holding on just enough as to make it difficult for him unless he wanted to fight her off. Somehow, she’d turned things around on him. “I don’t know what makes you tick yet, Axel, but I’m going to find out.” He laughed yet again, but this time, even to him, it sounded hollow. He tried to move back, and she clung on. They began the wrestling game again, though it started more subtle, subdued even, and this time he was the one fighting her. “I’m going to find out why you’re so afraid to let anyone get close, even those who already love you.”
Snake. She means Snaithen. The thought chilled his blood. At least, I hope she only means Snaithen. I can’t love Sela too. Axel wanted to roar with aggravation. He slapped her hands away as the heat of her palms touched his face, but her hands returned almost immediately. He grasped her wrists
86
Sharon Maria Bidwell
but she fought to touch his face. She pressed her lips against his, and it was all Axel could do keep his mouth tightly closed against her kiss. “I thought you wanted to fuck,” she said firmly against his mouth. “I never said…” Pulling away just far enough to speak, Sela said, “What? You wanted to fight? You see something of you in me, and what? You want to fight it? Does that mean you’re so unhappy with yourself, with your choices? Or do you want to fuck what you see? That’s rather narcissistic. You see something of you in me, and you want to fuck it?” “Maybe I do.” He rolled his hips. The movement ground his cock against that hot, tight, hidden place. He silently cursed the trousers she wore. He wanted to plunge into her now: hot, hard, heavy… An almost primal moan escaped her lips. He felt the vibration of it against his mouth as their lips pressed together once more. She pulled back at once, with enough force to jerk his arms out to the sides. He held on, refusing to let go of her wrists, even though the skin twisted in his grip. She yelped, and he realised he’d practically given her a friction burn on each wrist. Still, he didn’t let go. He pressed his thickness into her enough to hurt. Sela leaned forward enough that with her arms held wide like this it looked as though she were presenting her breasts. Axel couldn’t help it; he glanced down. In that moment, Sela turned her head, leaning into him, and bit. The salty, copper taste of blood filled her mouth, but she sunk her teeth into his skin and held on. Axel didn’t seem to mind. Their hands grappled, not with each other this time, but their clothing. The towel fell easily enough, and she wanted to reach out to take that solid heat into the palm of her hand, but her mind was intent on one other thought first. She needed to get out of her clothing. Cloth ripped. The sound brought her enough to her senses to make her stop biting. She came up off his skin as carefully as she could, without taking a chunk of flesh, which in their furious haste wasn’t at all easy. She dimly saw the circle of her teeth imprinted in Axel’s shoulder before he distracted her by lifting her hips. She helped him tug down her trousers. While he bent to pull them off, she shrugged off the remnants of her top. Her breasts spilled free, just as Axel came back into her grasp. Their mouths found each other, and they feasted, wincing in pain as their teeth threatened to cut their lips. Sela could hear hungry, demanding sounds issuing from someone’s mouth…and, oh, yes, she was the one making those noises. She didn’t have time to be shocked by her own reactions for Axel answered those sounds by delving into her mouth as far as his tongue could reach, licking at her teeth, exploring the roof of her mouth. All the time his hands were busy. He cupped her breasts, kneaded the soft flesh and squeezed just the right side of pain, dug his short but sharp nails in. Sela had never let anyone treat her like this. Some part of her mind said she should complain, and she did. Unfortunately, her complaints changed on course from her brain to her mouth and emerged as needy-sounding grunts.
Cosmic
87
He lay hot and thick in her hands, bulbous and leaking. She cupped the heavy swinging weight beneath, aware that she could crush the orbs within and have him crying on his knees in a moment. Did Axel truly trust her, or had the rush of blood dulled his senses? She doubted she would ever know the answer…at least not now, not yet. He was hot, so hot; it felt as if he could scorch the palm of her hand. She managed to drag her mouth away from his enough to turn her head to say, “No foreplay.” She wasn’t sure if actual words existed in his reply, but a sound issued from his mouth, and he nodded his head against hers in agreement…and then he was surging in. His tongue plundered her mouth, and his cock burrowed in to the hilt in one hard, unrelenting thrust that had her thinking, good, so good, just before she screamed. He drank down the sound of her pain and mingled delight at once. So slick, yet tight. That had to hurt, his plunging into her like that, and yet she clung to him as though she didn’t want to let go as he started to pull back. She shivered, a soft mewing sound falling out of her mouth into his, and that was when Axel knew pain was part of this. They both needed to lose themselves in this, in the raw slap of flesh. He didn’t know her reasons, but he was very aware of his, and it brought tears to his eyes. He almost growled out his frustration, but he managed to pull his mouth free from hers in time, throw back his head, squeeze his eyes shut, and keep his thoughts at bay by pounding into the woman in his arms. Black behind his eyes, so black; Axel wanted the blackness to consume him. A soft hand snaked around his neck, and he wanted to scream out in denial, but Sela tugged, and he went where she led, dipping his head, burying his face against her neck. His hips took up a rocking, rolling motion, one that meant long, deep strokes that tugged on the soft folds of her sex. He could feel them ripple and grasp him. A particularly deep thrust slammed Sela back, sending her body sliding that last two inches across the top of the narrow counter and into the wall. The force of her striking the wall slammed back through her body into his. They both gasped, and a shudder ripped through her along with an intake of breath. He opened his eyes just a fraction before she did. They looked at each other with what he could only call uncertainty. It caused him to stifle a laugh. It was a little ridiculous to feel uncertain right now, while their bodies danced together like this. In a wild moment, he pulled her onto him and then deliberately slammed her back against the wall. Defiance settled across her face. He couldn’t make her fight him like this, but there had to be a way. Her eyes asked the question “Why?” just before she said the word aloud. Axel grinned. “Why not?” he whispered, jolting her on the end of his cock. Her internal muscles took him, squeezing down hard. He narrowed his gaze. “Not fair,” he said. Sela answered him with a long, chuckling laugh that played over his skin, danced through her body, and vibrated against his cock where it lay buried within. With a groan, he lifted her into his
88
Sharon Maria Bidwell
arms; his shaft still sunk into her depths, he staggered two steps back towards the bed, and then let the artificial gravity of the ship do the rest. They landed on the bed, bounced, bodies lifting and falling, separating and colliding in a dangerous rhythm, Axel on his back, Sela on top. One moment, he was sure his cock was about to get bent out of shape, and then it was buried deep. He felt his tip strike her cervix just before she gasped. When her hands came up to clasp him about the wrists to hold his arms at the sides of his head, Axel let her pin him. He stared up into her brown eyes. “Fuck me,” he said. “Fuck me,” Axel told her, so she did. She rocked, twisted, rolled her hips, and then eased off, pulling him out of her, so she could slide along his length, along that slick, tumescent flesh, which provided just the right stimulus to her already oversensitised sex. They’d stopped fighting each other, and yet in another way, they’d never stopped. Feeling that need grow to a point where the brightest thought in her brain was I need to come, Sela leaned over Axel so she could direct her words into his ear while she still possessed the ability to speak. “Say my name.” He shook his head. “What?” “When you come, you say my name.” A bubble of laughter escaped his lips, and she quickly quelled it by sliding her wet vulva over his swollen balls, and then back up his entire length to the tip. She was close, too close. A few well-timed strokes and she would reach her release. She wanted him back inside her before that happened. She had no choice but to let go of one of his hands so that she could reach between their bodies and guide him back in, but he lay there as though he didn’t even know she’d released him. As she let the tip of his cock sink into her, she stared down at his face. His sight looked unfocused, so she leaned over and stared into his eyes until she saw awareness of her fill his gaze. “When you come, Axel, you fucking say my name, or I’ll make you sorry you didn’t.” He swallowed, and she sank down his length, letting the curls of hair at his groin deliberately drag over her where it would have the most effect. The feeling was so intense that she needed to think about all the things wrong with her life to forestall her release. Only when he began to lift his hips, to thrust up into her body, did Sela let her mind return to this moment. Her body hovered for one maddening, frustrating second, but her need was too desperate for her body to deny it. Her muscles tightened, clenched in places that no one could see but that Axel could certainly feel, as a strangled cry left his lips a split second before he practically screamed out her name.
*****
Cosmic
89
Sensing nothing but minimal movement in the room, the computer had turned down the lights. Axel could overrule it with a word, but both he and Sela lay in the soft grey illumination. They had rested but not slept. Sela spoke first. “I know what this is about. It’s about taking it out on the person you can, rather than the person you want to.” “Don’t even suggest I want to fuck Marshall,” he said on a laugh, but she shifted her head until her gaze caught his eye. “Not fuck as in make love but fuck him over, yeah, you want to do that.” Axel swallowed. “You didn’t see --” “No. I didn’t see a young woman die needlessly, but I wouldn’t have thought that mattered to you. Or at least, not as much as it seems to have affected you.” He let his fingers comb through her hair because he wanted to, but he hated that he struggled with such a simple gesture of affection. “Forgive me for not sounding too pleased, but what does that say about me?” “It says there are things in your life I don’t know about and you might never share with anyone.” She sat up, looking down at him so that due to the way the light fell she could probably see more of him than he could see of her. “If I hadn’t stayed, or you had got to Snake’s room before he closed the door on you, you would have taken all this out on him. You and I…” Her words trailed away as her fingers walked over his chest. “We both had enough frustration to be able to take it out on each other without either of us hurting. Don’t do this to Snake. Don’t hurt him this way.” “I don’t mean to.” The confession slipped out before he could stop it. “Then tell him that.” “I…can’t.” Sela’s sigh spread through the darkness. “I wish I knew why.” “I’m not ready…” He paused. “It’s not your concern. I don’t need to tell you.” “No,” Sela replied, her fingers still caressing his chest over the area where his heart resided. “But there’s something I need to tell you.”
90
Sharon Maria Bidwell
Chapter Fifteen “I don’t believe her,” Marshall said. “Which is precisely why she didn’t say anything in the first place,” Axel replied. “And precisely why she came to you, I suppose.” Asta either failed to keep the sarcasm out of her voice or didn’t try to do so. Axel grew increasingly tired of her, but no way would he give her the satisfaction of knowing that. “Yes, precisely,” he retorted, careful to keep his usual bored tone in place. “It sounds like a trap to me.” Marshall sounded very decided. “I agree,” Asta chimed in, naturally enough, but when Marshall looked towards her for some reason, she flinched, which Axel failed to understand at all. Axel would never understand what the two of them saw in each other. He was as ignorant as the rest of the crew as to their possible relationship. “If it is, it isn’t Sela’s.” Axel almost sighed, but held the sound in check. He couldn’t help wondering how much more of this moronic banter and so-called leadership he could stomach. If it wasn’t for the likelihood of Snake and Sela being caught in the crossfire the other day after he and Marshall returned from their ill-fated mission, he would have let his rage overwhelm him and tried his luck against their so-called leader then. He might not have won, but right now, even death seemed a happy preference to the banality. “You knew something about this before?” Marshall was nothing if not quick when you wanted his more Neanderthal qualities to excel. “I thought there was something she wasn’t telling us. I didn’t know what.” Axel still suspected there existed things about Sela none of them knew, but he wasn’t going to tell anyone that, least of all Marshall. “And you didn’t think to mention it?”
Cosmic
91
“I judged that she would tell us, in time. That pushing her would achieve the opposite result.” Axel grinned, showing Marshall his teeth in a way that was anything but friendly. “It seems I was right.” “I trust her,” Meliora piped up. “You’ve known her for less than a month!” Marshall snapped. The small, dark-haired woman stood up from her seat. “”I’m growing tired of this. It doesn’t matter how long she’s been here. We voted to make her part of the crew, and you seem to be the one who wants to do some backsliding on that. I usually get a feeling for people and I’d trust her…with my life.” “You’re that certain?” Marshall sounded surprised. “Yes.” “You mean, you don’t think she’s capable of slitting your throat?” Marshall sounded equally amazed. “I didn’t say that. She’s hard. She’s had to be. I don’t really know why, but I also sense that she gives as good as she gets. Stand by her, and she’s a good friend. Betray that friendship and she’d turn on you in a blink of an eye.” Meliora sounded resolute. Axel chuckled. “Sounds like she should be right at home here.” If Marshall noticed the innuendo, he chose to ignore it. “I need to think.” “Why don’t you do that?” Axel turned from the flight deck. “In the meantime, I’m going to get some rest. Oh, and I’ll be sure to pass on your deliberations to our newest colleague.”
***** “Axel said I’d find you here.” Sela spoke just slightly less than a shout. There was no point trying to keep her voice down; she almost had to shout for anyone to hear her over the noise. Snake looked at her in surprise. He sat huddled in a corner, a small electronic pad in his hands. Sela crouched down beside him saying nothing for a moment. The surrounding noise and smell brought back memories for her. The launch of the first intergalactic space vessel had been a well-documented event. The excitement of the era remained even for those who were but infants or babies at the time. Little had Sela known she was a child of one of the most seemingly romantic eras in history. Alas, the advancement led to terraforming other worlds, planets conquered by the hand of man, whether other forms of life inhabited them or not. Planets with other humanoid forms of life at least stood a chance, but those worlds only populated by lower life forms suffered. Humans often exterminated insect, animal, and plant life. The history books told these tales in much the same way they had told all tales of early settlers, of man overcoming difficult terrain and other adversities. They noted the wiping out of other species as unfortunate but necessary.
92
Sharon Maria Bidwell
The fish on Hydrine 3 had done little better than the wolves on Verdan; the fish were so delicious that demand soon exhausted supply, and the wolves so wild they designated them an unacceptable threat. For Sela the love of space travel had turned to despondency. Man had reached the stars and made them in his image. Many still held desperately to the romance of the era. They hoped, though did not really believe, that man could change, learn from his mistakes…hoped that he would stop destroying these new worlds, altering their climates and landscapes to suit his wants and needs, to make room for himself so that he could breed and breed and breed. There was one thing that could not be romanticised, however. No matter how many improvements such ships had seen in Sela’s lifetime, an engine room remained an engine room. It was dirty, smelly, and noisy. That Snake would want to hide here said much about his state of mind. “Whatcha doing?” Sela asked. “Reading,” he said and then smiled. “A story.” The confession brought a flush of colour to his skin as though he shouldn’t be reading a book, though why he had come here to do it escaped her. “Why here?” she asked. “I wanted some peace and quiet.” They were talking quite loudly even though they sat next to each other. Sela couldn’t help it. She gave him a slow blink. Snake laughed. “Yeah, I know. It’s noisy, but it doesn’t bother me, and no one ever comes down here. It’s warm, and no one will interrupt. That is…” His voice trailed away, and his eyes grew troubled. “What’s wrong?” “I had no idea that Axel knew I came here,” Snake said. He didn’t sound too pleased by the idea. “I think you’ll find he’s the only one that does. Except for me now, obviously.” Despite her comment, he continued to look troubled. She laid a hand on his arm. Under her fingertips, his body stiffened, and then gradually he turned his head to look at her. She wanted to tell Snake that she knew Axel cared more for him than he let on, but she couldn’t bring herself to do so. What right did she have to declare another person’s feelings, and what good would it do if Axel refused to admit it to himself, let alone Snaithen? The two of them sat staring at each other until finally Snake spoke first. “Why did you come looking for me?” Sela sighed, though the sound was lost under the noise of the engine. “I needed to find somewhere quiet too,” she told him. “I could do with a friend.” A look of puzzlement came over Snake’s gentle face before he smiled. “I’ve not sure I’ve ever had a friend,” he told her. Lowering her head to rest it against his shoulder, Sela tucked her body into his side. “Neither am I,” she replied. The two of them sat together in hiding.
Cosmic
93
***** Sela rubbed her hands against her arms, feeling cold. The mission Marshall had been so adamant to keep her out of had been to destroy supplies, no more than that. Yet Axel had been right in his assessment; it had been a good operation. Someone spotted them through sheer ill luck; someone Marshall should not have perceived as too great a threat and allowed to live. However, “leave no witnesses” appeared to be his favourite motto. The reasoning behind the mission had been sound. The loss of those supplies would slow the advancement of Coalition troops for a good six months. It would give the rebels time to plan. It was also possibly random enough not to make the Coalition suspicious, and it would have got some of Marshall’s edginess out of his system. In retrospect, maybe it wasn’t worth the life of a young girl, but then that had never been their intention. Still, she disliked the timing, having to give Axel what information she had overheard now, but she couldn’t wait another minute. She had been unable to make up her mind whether to tell Marshall, and she couldn’t make the decision alone. Now, the entire crew sat discussing it. “So, let me get this straight. Zeus is…” “I told you,” Sela snapped. “A superior weapon. The ultimate personal defence.” “But you can’t tell me what it looks like, what it does, or how it works.” Marshall folded his arms across his chest, one lip lifting in obvious cynicism. “No. Not in detail.” She returned his gaze, striving to hold it steady. She wasn’t afraid of Marshall, but she was nervy. Her agitation had nothing to do with this man, but he would take it that way. “I remember the name, vaguely. I know there were such plans, but at the time, the design had teething troubles. The creators talked about abandoning the technology. Well, it seems as though they must have overcome the problems, or at least think they have. Zeus is about to be delivered, and I think it’s important that we find out more.” “And risk getting caught, risk the transponder, our lives?” “You were willing to risk lives in order to destroy a few vegetables.” Sela didn’t even blink as she said this; however, Marshall’s face began to twitch most peculiarly. She didn’t pause. “If this weapon is up and running, I think it’s worth risking everything. If you’re too chickenshit to do something about it, then drop me off and I’ll investigate myself.” “I’m not letting you out of my sight for a minute,” Marshall sneered contemptuously. “She’s right, though,” Meliora quickly chimed in, plainly hoping as always, in her own indomitable way, to lower Marshall’s blood pressure. “If there’s any possibility that this thing exists, we have to do something about it.” “There is no such thing as an ultimate weapon, even for personal defence,” Marshall insisted.
94
Sharon Maria Bidwell
“Of course there isn’t,” Axel said. “Technology is always advancing, but the point remains that if there is something out there the likes of which we’ve never seen, we need to know. We have to be certain it exists. We have to know what it can do.” Asta stepped forward and placed a hand on Marshall’s arm. She was the only one of them who dared to touch him now, which made Sela think the two of them had to be having sex. Asta said a few words, under her breath, her body held strangely at attention, although Sela could hardly blame her for fearing Marshall’s wrath. His increasingly strange behaviour was growing ever more unpredictable. Whatever Asta said, it seemed to do the trick. “So, tell me again, what you think it is.” It didn’t seem as though Marshall just wanted Sela to reiterate. Neither was he simply testing her, trying to see if she’d trip over her own words in error. Could it be possibly that he’d actually forgotten some of the details? Sela wanted to glance at Axel to see if he was staring at Marshall the same way she was, but she daren’t do it. Marshall was looking right at her, and he would notice. “I told you, the Coalition worked on developing a weapon some years ago. They designed it to integrate it as a working system into the human body. The idea behind this reasoning was that often one could find oneself unarmed. The weapon, be it a gun or a knife, could be easily knocked from the hand. The developers decided that if they made the weapon a part of the hand, then their soldiers couldn’t lose it.” “It sounds reasonable.” Sela stared at Marshall, then finally gave in to temptation. She glanced around at the others. Even Asta had the decency to look away. So Marshall was one of those in favour of nanotechnology. Such people were crazy in her eyes. Rather than argue the point, she stated the obvious. “The main problem behind this idea is that to disarm someone, all you need to do is chop his hands off.” “That’s no worse than finding yourself without a gun.” “Excuse my arguing the point, but without a gun you still have hands to fight and, hopefully, the opportunity to retreat. The pain of losing a limb could cripple you as effectively as a laser or gunshot. Also, I believe there was considerable pain and convalescent time required for the procedure. For whatever reasons, they finally rejected the idea.” “How much pain?” Only Snake would ask a question like that. “Enough to make these war-hardened soldiers scream their heads off.” Snake stared at her for a moment then quickly emptied the intoxicating contents of his glass in one swallow. “Anyhow, the weapon itself was based on a simple series of connections. By touching different fingertips together with the thumb, you could get varying degrees of weapon power. It required the user to carry a power pack. This, I believe, was also another area they were working on. Making that power supply as miniature as possible, so that it too could be
Cosmic
95
fitted under the skin. They were working on a recharging power supply that would last several years, so it would only need charging occasionally. The connectors on the tips of the fingers would mean the hand literally became the weapon. It could throw out an advance form of plasma bolt, similar to the laser rifles the Coalition use, but far more powerful. Hence the prototype was referred to as the Hand of Thor.” “Amazing.” Marshall seemed quite overcome with the idea. The others didn’t look so enthused. “So I dread to think what the Hand of Zeus might stand for.” Sela was staring at Marshall, who appeared to be losing his mind right before her eyes. “Yes, well, I suppose we’d better find out, but I want to know more about this colony before we rush in there.” It was the first sensible thing he’d said. What she didn’t expect was, after she told him all she knew, for him to order her off the flight deck. Only when the rest of the crew remained silent did she choose to obey. Axel would fill her in later.
***** Axel took a deep breath and held it a moment. Like it or not, he had faith in Sela’s assessment and believed her story. No way would Marshall or the others simply accept Sela’s word or even his gut reaction, though. “I don’t trust her,” Marshall said the moment she left. “How come she knows so much about all this? How come she knows the layout of the building?” “She did say that she was once there,” Snake suggested. “I mean if the Coalition didn’t always own it, thousands must have passed through there before they took it over.” It took Axel a moment to accept that Snake said something sensible. The alien could be surprisingly sagacious; Snake just didn’t like too many others knowing so. Snake shifted a little under their collective gaze, but he didn’t back down or look away, not even under Marshall’s withering glare. Snake certainly seemed to have found his backbone since Sela came on board. Alas, that wasn’t the kind of backbone that Axel loved about the alien.
Loved? Disgruntled, Axel tried shoving his feelings aside, down, away, burying them. If his cock had stirred, he would have put his unease down to lust, but it remained dormant. Only his heart throbbed, and he couldn’t afford to let it. “So, they could have altered all manner of things.” Marshall shook his head at Snake, backing up the gesture with a sneer. “No, I don’t buy it. She’s saying that she knows the layout as it is now. Either she’s telling us the truth and there’s something else she’s hiding, or she’s lying to us, in which case it could very well be a trap.” “You don’t still believe she’s a spy?” Meliora laughed. “I just don’t understand you.”
96
Sharon Maria Bidwell
“That’s all secondary, of course.” Axel interrupted, not wanting the conversation to go in that direction. “Either she gained this information because she’s an agent of the Coalition, or she learned it through her involvement with the rebellion. I say that the threat of this weapon still makes the risk viable. If we choose to ignore it, we could be signing our own death warrants, and those of everyone else who chooses to resist.” “You believe her?” Marshall sounded surprised by Axel’s easy acceptance. Everyone knew Axel didn’t trust easily. Even Marshall knew that. For anyone to gain Axel’s trust was a compliment indeed. “I didn’t say that.” Axel replied. “I am saying that at this moment we have little choice. We can’t go in blind. She is the only eyes we have.”
Cosmic
97
Chapter Sixteen Axel reached out and caught Sela’s arm as she was passing. Her body tensed, seemed poised to go on the defensive, and then relaxed. Although Axel had won their fight back on Sarras, only the intervention of the guards had brought their disagreement to a halt, not his skill in combat. Neither had it been a very elegant battle. No doubt, it would have ended with them scrimmaging around in the dust. In a true fight, they were likely an even match. “I want a word with you,” he declared, drawing her towards his stateroom. Axel questioned her for nearly an hour, and Sela answered clearly and concisely. Still it didn’t escape Axel’s notice that she also declined to answer at times, without even breaking her stride. Not many were able to remain so calm during one of his interrogations. It wasn’t exactly as if this was a physical interrogation, but usually it didn’t take even that. Many broke down or were often confused by his endless questioning, his perpetual mode of speech, often interrupting a reply that was not to his satisfaction, repeating the question in another way, or returning to an earlier one. It was tiring, often frightening to those who were trying to conceal the truth, as they gradually began to trip over their own words. Such was not the case here. Sela’s responses made him reassess her background. Sela used her own method of replying, refusing to let him hurry her, waiting until he was completely finished, and then taking a few seconds before beginning the response. If he interrupted, she simply fell silent, then began again when he had no more to say, sometimes even answering his question with another question, turning the position of interrogator and interrogated around. Neither fooled the other; as in battle, they were too evenly matched. If they were going to trust each other, they had no option but to rely on blind faith. Even as he accepted this, Axel sighed and sat down on the bed beside her. Leaning forward, he rested his forehead
98
Sharon Maria Bidwell
against hers. Her body stiffened. He waited for the tension to ease before he opened his eyes and looked into hers. So close were their faces it was almost impossible to see the other person clearly. Axel wasn’t sure what he would say until he began to speak. “I’m not sure this is wise.” He laughed gently. “In fact, I know it isn’t. But I’m going to trust you, completely.” Sela blinked, lifting her head a little away from his. “Okaaay,” she said, very carefully. He studied her eyes. “I take it it’s not reciprocated.” Before she could reply, a chime sounded that said someone was at the door of the suite. Axel spoke to the computer, releasing the privacy seal and allowing the door to open without thinking how they looked, sitting so close together, he with his shirt off. When it crossed his mind, initially he was glad to see Snake standing there in the doorway. When he saw those green eyes dart left and right, taking in the sight of the two of them, and then flicking back sharply, he changed his mind. Puzzled, following Snake’s gaze, Axel glanced at his left shoulder to the imprint where Sela had sunk her teeth. Three days had passed, but the impression remained. The sex had been rougher than either had realised at the time. Axel was aware they both suffered bruises and aches. “Sn-Snaithen,” Axel stammered, but even as he started to speak, the alien turned away, breaking into a run in the direction of his suite. Axel stood up, hesitated, wondered why he would even think to go after him, and decided not to. Almost as though she knew what had gone through his mind, Sela rose to stand at his side. She lifted one hand to touch him. The heat of her fingertips burned into one of his biceps. “Axel, if you want me to trust you, then prove yourself trustworthy. Make this right.” He turned his head just enough to meet her gaze, knowing his expression looked hard and cold, unyielding. He tried to pull down the mask he usually wore, tried to look bored and disinterested. The struggle made small muscles in his face twitch. What was wrong with him? “I mean it.” She either wasn’t going to fall for the attempt, or just didn’t care. “I mean it,” she said again. “Make this right between you and Sn-Snaithen.” Apparently, she remembered not to call him by his pet name when the privacy seals weren’t in place. The chances someone would detect what they said were slim, but she and Axel had decided the risk simply wasn’t worth it. Sela had told him the other day that if he wanted her to look out for Snaithen, then he was going to have to be even more cautious from now on. She moved closer, whispering into his ear. “Let him into your life, just an inch.” “Why?” he whispered back. He was aware that Marshall would have to dig deep into the computers to detect anything that had occurred in and around the living quarters. Whispering at this pitch would distort at least some of their words, and as per Sela’s instructions to be extra cautious, he’d taken to wiping many areas of the ship’s records at the end of each day. Wiping the slate clean was becoming an irritating habit. “You need to let someone get close.”
Cosmic
99
“Then why not you?” He let the sarcasm drip from his lips even while using such a low tone. “I would have thought you were the one itching to get under my skin.” Sela moved back just enough to study his face. “It won’t work,” she told him. “You’re not fooling me, and a relationship with anyone won’t work for you. Not until you make peace with yourself. Not until you make peace with the one person who has been there for you even if you didn’t want to accept it. If you can’t let Snaithen know how you feel after all this time, how can you expect me to trust you?”
***** Axel expected Snaithen to have the privacy seal in place so he hesitated on the threshold of the open doorway. A frown took over his face when he saw Snaithen looking through his things. Axel entered the room, closing the door behind him, and leaning against it. “What are you doing?” Snake looked a little uncertain. Could that be… Were his eyes glistening with tears? “I’m thinking about what I should take with me…should I ever want to leave here.” Snake stared into one of the open drawers and then slammed it shut, or at least tried to do so. The mechanised soft closing system took over and clearly added to the alien’s frustration if his frown was anything to go by. “Truth is, all of it’s crap. I could just grab the money I’m owed, a change of clothes, and be on my way.” Uncertain if Snake had left the door open and set up this little display in an attempt to make him feel bad or if the alien was genuinely so distraught not to have given the open door a passing thought, Axel contemplated what to say. “Why would you want to leave?” “There’s nothing keeping me here.” What did Snake want him to say? “You’ve nowhere to go.” Snake barked out a laugh, turning to look at him. “You’re incredible, you know that. And no, I don’t mean in a good way. I don’t know which one of you…” Snake shook his head, as if he’d run out of things to say. Then he finished the sentence. “I don’t know which one of you is worse. Sela talks about friendship.” She did? That was news to Axel. When had she and Snake talked? “At least you just admit to wanting to fuck me.” “What do you want from me, Snaithen?” “Nothing and…everything.” What sort of answer was that? Axel stood watching as Snake sat down on the edge of the bed, running his fingers through his hair, wiping at his eyes. “Maybe all I want is a little respect.”
100
Sharon Maria Bidwell
Now of all the things Snake could say, maybe that was the most surprising. “You can’t gain respect by threatening me with your leaving.” “It’s no threat.” “Isn’t it?” Axel waited until Snake looked up, a mixed look of puzzlement and doubt on his face. Aware he had to give Snake some sort of assurance or the alien really would be thinking of leaving, Axel struggled with what to say. Snake sat waiting, but gradually a contemptuous look twisted his mouth. “We need you for this mission,” Axel said, knowing that wasn’t anywhere near good enough. “Fine. I’ll stay for the mission.” Snake looked up into Axel’s eyes. “But afterwards… I need to think about what I’m going to do afterwards.” The answering silence reigned until it grew awkward. “If I asked you to stay?” Snake’s face twisted into a grimace, then quickly straightened out again. “I…don’t know. Depends on why you’d ask me, I guess.” Axel closed his eyes. He could feel the world as he knew it spiralling out of control. He wanted things just as they were. He could deal with things as they stood. The trouble was, now he knew, unquestionably, that wasn’t good enough for Snaithen. The alien offered him more than a few, admittedly mind-blowing, fucks. Snake deserved more. Axel just wasn’t certain he could be the one to give him what he needed. You selfish prick. He wanted to laugh at the thought. He should have let Snake and Sela get together on the party planet. He should have… “There are things I haven’t told you, about my species.” Axel opened his eyes and blinked. He looked to where Snake still sat on the bed. “Such as?” Snake appeared to squirm under his gaze, and usually Axel would have adored watching him. “Our families are a little more complicated than most humans.” Axel shook his head. “Snaithen, wherever you’re going with this --” “But --” “-- now isn’t the time.” Crossing the room on an impulse that every part of his being tried to suppress, Axel crouched in front of Snake and took hold of his hands. Snake jerked in what could only be surprise. “I need…” Axel hesitated. He didn’t know what he needed. To turn back time? A lobotomy? “I can’t do this. Not now. Please, Snake,” he whispered. “Let’s get this current situation out of the way, see how real the threat of this new weapon is, and then if you still want to talk, we’ll talk.” He didn’t know how he’d force himself to do that. Even now, it felt as if someone had wired his jaw partially shut and he had to force out each word. “I can’t deal.” He didn’t know if he meant now or ever. Ever was more honest. The day-to-day struggle to survive he found easy compared to discussing emotions.
Cosmic
101
“You’ve never said please to me before,” Snaithen murmured. Axel glanced into the alien’s eyes. “Oh you like that, do you?” Now that he’d started this conversation, he just wanted it to end. He wanted to run from the room. Thankfully, Snake answered him with a smile. It broke the tension. Snake would clearly give him time, but to do what, Axel didn’t know. He couldn’t give Snake what he needed. He couldn’t do what Sela seemed to want of him, and he wasn’t even clear as to exactly what she expected him to do. Some days Axel wondered why he bothered to stay alive, so what had he to offer anyone else when he didn’t even care about his own life?
102
Sharon Maria Bidwell
Chapter Seventeen “Come at me.” Meliora followed the instruction, rushed in to disarm her opponent, and once again landed flat on her back. “How do you do that?” “I’ll show you. Here, you take the knife.” Sela handed her the weapon, removing its protective sheath before she did so. “I’ll hurt you.” “No, you won’t. Besides, I’ll have more incentive to stop you, knowing that I can get hurt.” Meliora still looked doubtful. She made a halfhearted attempt to plunge ahead. This time she was not only disarmed, but also forced down on her knees. Sela let her up. “Now, do it again, slowly, and watch what I do.” Once again, they performed the move, Sela showing and explaining each step. As they continued to work, they acquired a growing audience. Both women chose to ignore the rest of the crew. Only when Marshall joined the others did their attention waver. Sela looked at Meliora and asked, “Had enough?” To her relief, the other woman nodded. Sela didn’t like the way Marshall watched her, and from the expression and the shiver that ran through the other woman, she fancied they both felt their skin crawl. Sela just hid it better. “Taking lessons from her now, I see,” Marshall remarked when they were through. Meliora stared at him, her gaze steady, unwavering. “She’s a good fighter, far better than me. I don’t intend to die at the hands of the Coalition if I can help it. I’d be a fool not to take this opportunity.”
Cosmic
103
“Let’s hope we’re not all proved to be fools,” Marshall said as Meliora moved away. The woman glanced back at him only once. At his back, Marshall couldn’t see the look she aimed at Sela. That look warned caution. They were on their way to the installation where they believed the weapon, Zeus, was in production. The crew had voted to follow Sela for the moment, though Marshall and Asta remained sceptical. Marshall might not like it, but outvoted, he could hardly argue without proving what they all suspected: that his so-called democracy was nothing but a sham. Sure enough, after the vote, he waited a few days before expressing his doubts. Meliora had been the one to tell Marshall what to do with his so-called misgivings, though she had disguised it in the manner of a very old phrase. She simply told him they had already laid the sheets on the bed. Soon, they were going to have to lie on it. As far as Sela was concerned, with Marshall in charge, she didn’t like with whom she needed to get into bed. Speaking of bed…if she was risking her life, there had better be some celebratory sex when they returned, and if there was one thing she planned to do, it was make sure that her two favourite men made it back safely.
***** Sela hedged along the side of the building, towards the doorway ahead. She slipped inside, scanned the area both with her eyes and with electronic means, and then waved the others in. Snake joined her first, proving he was surprisingly nimble when it came to escaping detection. They’d materialised as close as possible, but they would have to break into this sector by stealth. Until Sela used the computers to shut down the protection grid, they could not use the materialiser in this area. Marshall had made it clear that he mistrusted her from the start, and that his distrust was growing exponentially as they moved farther into the complex. Even Axel and Snake gave her little glances that spoke far too eloquently. Only Meliora seemed to have any real confidence in her, and even her expression suggested that she would have questions when they returned to the ship. Sela could hardly blame them, but there was no way to answer their enquiries, not without losing their tenuous friendship entirely. They had come this far with her and now had no choice but to go on and complete the mission. As the minutes ticked by, however, the expressions she had dreaded seeing on their faces slowly manifested. They were inside the building, and she had made access almost too easy. That was the problem. That was why they didn’t trust her. She had all the right codes, or codes that would allow her to work around others. They were codes that only the highest-ranking intelligence officers in the Coalition would have. She knew it, and they knew it. No wonder they were looking at her that way.
104
Sharon Maria Bidwell
The door opened into a vast area, but they were only concerned with ascending the staircase to their right and getting into the room at the top. Sela stood upright and stepped into the open. “Walk with confidence,” she told them. This might have been difficult but for the suits and helmets that they had stolen. Sela had even known where they housed the supplies. She’d taken three Coalition uniforms for the men and two blue coats worn by science officers for herself and Meliora. They never assigned women to the rank of soldier in this discriminating army. Women worked in the science and computer fields. They designed the technology and the weapons used by the men to kill. In many ways, this place buzzed like one giant beehive, but it was a hive with many queens and brawny but brainless workers. “Why do women do these jobs?” Meliora had asked her. “I mean, we’ve always thought of men as the destructive force in the universe, yet it’s women who have created the tools of destruction in the Coalition.” “If you’re not part of the Coalition than you’re against it,” Sela had replied. “They offer you a job, you take it, or else you’re imprisoned or face execution, or your family does. Women with children, they have the most to lose.” That explained things well enough. The crew marched up the stairs in single file, the width only allowing room enough for two. The group passed two guards on their way down, but neither made any indication that they suspected anything amiss. At the top, Sela used a card to allow them into a room. Along one wall, a complex configuration of lights blinked from a bank of computerised panels. “Now, you set up here. You’ll have to watch the door. I’ll move on to the next station and free up the lines.” “Wait a minute.” Marshall stepped in front of her. “Don’t think for a moment that I’m just going to let you walk out of here alone while we wait.” There wasn’t time for this. “I explained it all to you. I have to go to the science section to get into the computer so that you can access the information from here. They don’t allow guards in there. I can’t take you with me.” Marshall glanced around the room. “Meliora can go.” Sela hesitated, and then nodded. “It’ll be risky but okay. I’ll have to try to bring up something on her screen so she can look busy. Of course, the problem is that one unknown face probably won’t attract attention, but --” “We’ll just have to hope that two unknown faces won’t either.” Clearly, Marshall intended to have his way. She refused to look at Axel or Snake to see how they felt. She could feel their steady gazes, though. Sela left the room with Meliora in tow, who told her not to be so angry. “I might not agree, but his position is understandable.”
Cosmic
105
“Of course, but it’s not as if I hadn’t warned him.” They’d gone over the plan far too many times for any of them to be questioning it now. “You didn’t mention how easy it would be to get in here.” The question hung in the air, but Sela couldn’t answer it just now and would prefer not to answer it at all, but all right, maybe there was a good reason for Marshall’s change of heart. She wouldn’t have been surprised if they all wanted to turn back, except that they had arrived at the point most pilots would refer to as the PNR: the point of no return. Under the circumstances, it was simply safer to forge ahead than turn back now. She had to get into the computers in the science section in order to shut down the protection grid so that they could use the materialiser in an emergency. She also needed to open the network paths so that Axel could begin searching for details of Zeus in the room in which she’d left him. She couldn’t do it in the computer room; it would be a protected file. Not only would the screen come up flashing bright red, making it obvious to anyone else in the room that she was working on a highly classified file in an area where such information was usually unavailable, it would likely sound alarms elsewhere in the building. If, on the other hand, she used the computer only to open pathways, allowing Axel access from another terminal, it would miss immediate report and the flashing red screen wouldn’t be an issue. Of course, once again, only the right codes would enable her to do this. She hadn’t bothered explaining that to the others, though Axel probably realised it. No doubt, someone would notice a record of their interference in a day or two -- you didn’t just break into one of these systems, even with the right codes, and just get away with it going unnoticed -- but by then it wouldn’t matter. By then, all hell would probably have broken loose anyway. Though unspoken, it was to their advantage to steal Zeus, if possible. There was only the one prototype -- at least there should only be the one, judging by the reports they had intercepted -- and it was not yet ready for a host. She sat down at a terminal, nodding slightly to Meliora who had taken a seat opposite. Quickly, Sela opened up some files and sent them across to Meliora’s screen. She had told Meliora what to do to make it look as though she were working on them. She’d also suggested that Meliora sit opposite for two reasons. One, they could watch each other’s backs, and two, Meliora couldn’t witness what Sela was about to do. Luckily, the position to her left was free, and the woman working to her right looked as though she had a perpetual headache. She was tapping in information with her right hand while resting her head against her left. The job appeared laborious, but it was all to Sela’s favour that the woman looked so mindless with boredom. As long as she remained in that position, there was no way she would see what was on Sela’s screen.
106
Sharon Maria Bidwell
Sela opened the main file with the base code, setting the first scan. As the protection grid appeared, she began to shut it down. The red lines began to turn blue. Quickly, she set the grid to test mode and the lines appeared red once more. The shield that would have usually vaporised anything passing through it -- even someone using a materialiser -- would now be offline for twenty-four hours. The computer would register this as a standard safety inspection, one of the twice-yearly checks when the base would normally have increased security. She closed down that file and opened up another, tapping in a code that would open up Axel’s terminal. Again, the others would have questioned her having the code, but they weren’t here to know. An innocent-looking symbol appeared in the top right-hand corner, but it had another, more menacing meaning. It meant wait. The system was checking for verification. An alarm might sound at any moment. The symbol winked out. A tiny box opened up, and it looked as if she shot down a long tunnel. In the middle of this tunnel, another line branched out: Axel’s connection. Sela typed, Hi. How are you? Axel replied, Fine, but some of us are getting nervous. Marshall, no doubt pacing the room, frightening Snake out of his wits and driving Axel up the proverbial wall. She typed in, Not long now. Quickly, she minimised this program. Then she opened up another path and went through a similar procedure. This time it took a little longer. She glanced at the woman at her side who had started to yawn; thankfully, the technician remained focused on her work without so much as glancing over. The system connected. She held that programme open and restored Axel’s connection. She clicked on to the file that indicated his terminal and dragged it over. For a moment, it refused to accept, and then it settled. Axel was in. She didn’t have to tell him. He would know. All she had to do now was to wait and watch, see if he was coming up on any secured pathways and then use her codes to let him through. Really, they could complete the rest of this from the other room, but then Sela wouldn’t be able to shut down the connection once they finished. They certainly didn’t want to leave it open. Someone would discover the intrusion soon enough, but there was no sense in speeding up the process. Besides, there was something else Sela could do while she had the opportunity. She shrank the programme so that it covered a quarter of her screen. Opening another file, she delved into the records of known offenders, the “most wanted” list. Without a doubt, Marshall would be in there. Now, how about Axel? While she waited, Axel was coming up to his first obstacle. The programme would beep softly and pause if she didn’t notice in time, but not in such a way as to make it obvious; other terminals were giving out odd beeps and signals. With her help, Axel sailed through, and he wouldn’t even be aware that he’d just required assistance.
Cosmic
107
Returning to the other file, she began to read. The register had Asta listed as missing, possibly dead. Was Asta aware of that? It wasn’t such a bad thing to be registered as deceased since she hung out with criminals. With an exceedingly rich father, Asta was the equivalent of an old-fashioned debutante, born to marry and provide healthy children, in addition to playing hostess for her husband’s dinner parties for both social and business events. Her accumulated wealth would have made her ripe pickings. The Coalition would have chosen a suitable partnership on her behalf, with her best interests at heart, naturally, so Sela felt growing warmth towards the woman and the idea that she had run away from such a fate. As for the others, Marshall was an irritation, but he had pulled off enough successful raids to place a bounty on his head. His personal profile indicated a quiet man who had not given any indication that he would turn to criminal activities. Well, criminal as far as the Coalition was concerned; one man’s malefactor was another man’s hero. As for his mental profile… Sela almost shook her head, catching the movement just in time. Psychologists were always getting it wrong, and in Marshall’s case, they had no idea how unstable he was. The files classified Meliora as suspect, specifying an unsettled childhood, her involvement with the criminal classes assessed as reversible, caused by the loss of her parents. Reversible meant extensive brainwashing if they ever got their hands on her. For Meliora’s sake, it would be better if they shot first and asked questions later. There really were some fates worse than death. Sela had witnessed what their techniques could do to a person. Snake’s file contained several blank spaces indicating the lack of information on him, including the absence of a photograph. Sela smiled. That was some accomplishment; sought by the Coalition, yet for them not to know what he looked like. There was no mention of his race. Either someone didn’t want it generally known or they honestly thought him human. She doctored the files as she went, taking out the odd snippet here, inserting something misleading there. Nothing too obvious, just enough to confuse or delay an arrest if any of them ever faced capture. She seriously wanted to alter Marshall’s mental profile while she was at it, but resisted. A more accurate profile might help the Coalition capture him, and as much as she disliked the man, that was just plain mean on her part, and while he led them, his arrest likely meant the rest of the crew facing capture as well. She sent each file back where it belonged, opened another path for Axel, and then turned to his profile, the only one she hadn’t yet studied, so retained. Checking the room out once more, she began to read. Axel’s father had left his wife and children for another woman, his father dying from an illness shortly after, leaving them penniless. In an unrelated incident, someone murdered Axel’s sister at the age of fourteen, just two years later. Owing to a lack of interest from the law-enforcement agency, Axel and his mother undertook their own investigation, his mother dealing out a personal form of justice by killing her daughter’s murderers. The
108
Sharon Maria Bidwell
jurisdiction of the law had fallen under Coalition rule by that time and had ordered her execution. She had met her death contentedly, it seemed, declaring her lack of remorse. Even though she maintained it had been a just revenge, she fully accepted that she should pay for her crime. She did not accept it as a crime against the Coalition, whom she refused to recognise. All this was in Axel’s record; the sins of the family often fell on the shoulders of all, in the hope that family members would become the eyes and ears of the Coalition, informing on others to avoid becoming targets themselves. Of course, Coalition rule was in its infancy, and Axel’s mother truly wouldn’t have known what kind of life she was leaving her son to face. This simple error in judgement could have cost Axel his life. He was sixteen at the time; if he had been eighteen, he might have shared her punishment. He still spent two years in a rehabilitation centre…or he should have done. Just weeks after his incarceration, he escaped. From what she knew of him, Sela’s first reaction was to assume he would have joined one of the many -- though at the time, disorganised -- conclaves of rebels. Yet she accepted he was probably a very different man now. Back then, he was still a young man, in many ways a child. He appeared to have vanished from the known universe, though with its everexpanding colonies nineteen years ago this was not that difficult. The file listed his capture once more at the age of twenty-four; yet another sector of the galaxy falling under Coalition rule robbed him of a safe haven when his then girlfriend turned him in. Sela blinked. She couldn’t imagine Axel ever being that naive or trusting, and yet hadn’t she talked about trust versus a lonely existence? No wonder he doubted others so much. Reading on, Sela concealed her grin; Axel escaped yet again, this time from a topsecurity prison. His girlfriend faced her own hearing. At her tribunal, they recorded the Coalition’s appreciation for the information she provided and summarily executed her for harbouring a known felon. Some people had to learn how the Coalition operated the hard way. Here, the file became vague with an indication that the Coalition had lost track of their suspect apart from isolated sightings. Sela paused, let Axel through to the final path, and was about to close down his file when she saw what amounted to a footnote. Opening it, she saw one person’s name. The linked file contained a photograph of a woman with very recognisable features. Sela finished reading just a few seconds before she received a message from Axel that he had completed his task. She began to cover their tracks. Though Sela couldn’t possibly escape all feelings of remorse for looking through these files, particularly with Meliora sitting opposite her, she had done the sensible thing. Trust had to go both ways, and she was in as much danger as the rest of them, maybe more.
Cosmic
109
In any case, at least the information she had obtained went a long way to explain Axel’s behaviour towards her. All the women in his life had been hurt in some way, or betrayed him, then died at the hands of another. No wonder he was distant. The barriers he threw up in the path of his emotions were understandable. Sela gnawed on her lower lip, trying not to think of the last file. If its contents were true -- and she had no reason to believe otherwise -- then she didn’t want to think of how much Axel had opened up to her and, before her arrival, how much he had shared emotionally with Snake. Neither Axel nor Snake might realise it, but the affection the two men shared had gone a long way to breaking down Axel’s self-constructed barriers. Sela’s presence had pushed at those self-containing walls still further. If that were true, then she meant more to him than she suspected. The thought both pleased and dismayed her. In Axel’s position, she thought she would rather have locked up her feelings permanently and thrown away the key.
110
Sharon Maria Bidwell
Chapter Eighteen To use the term “all hell broke loose” would be putting it mildly. Looking back on events, maybe Sela should never have suggested they check for the weapon and only proposed they take the plans. That was the problem with hindsight. As Sela ducked another blast, she couldn’t help wondering how she found the time to curse while pinned down under fire. Although Sela didn’t relish the idea of Marshall getting his hands on the weapon, they’d come on the mission with a mutual objective: to steal it. Sela and Meliora had left the science station without incident. Back with Marshall and the others, Sela had quickly scanned through the files Axel had filched with their joint expertise. Some of it had been in the form of cryptic messages that only she would understand, though quite how she was going to explain this escaped her, but she needed to check the files. The information might reveal the weapon’s location; without that data, Sela had no idea if stealing it was an option. She knew this installation well -- too well -- and some of the areas even she would call suicide to attempt to break into. Her doubts and personal arguments were all moot. Both she and Axel shook their heads at the screen at once. “It’s not here,” she said. “What?” Marshall sounded annoyed with her, or maybe annoyed in general. “The weapon. It’s not here.” “What do you mean, not here?” Meliora closed the gap between them. “According to everything we overheard it should be.” “It doesn’t matter. We can figure it out later,” Sela said. “It looks as if some of the components were assembled here, but the weapon is being constructed in stages. The test run is due here, soon, just not yet.”
Cosmic
111
“What does that matter?” Snake was understandably anxious to leave. “We’ve got the plans. That’s enough.” That was when it all disintegrated. Whether Snake’s comment had anything to do with bringing Marshall’s temper to the boil, likely she would never know. She might not even live to think about it. Marshall had taken several steps towards her, closing the gap between them, so that he was leaning against her, pushing her with his bulk. “You’re lying. I knew something was wrong, but I just didn’t know what. This isn’t something as simple as a trap for us, but you were using us. You came here to steal this weapon for yourself!” He practically spat at her. Sela stared into the man’s dark eyes. Unfortunately, she opened her mouth before taking the time to think what she was saying. “Are you really that crazy? I was hoping to steal the weapon to take it out of the hands of the Coalition. We all had the same thing in mind, or we wouldn’t be here. I wouldn’t have involved you if I could help it. As it is, I think maybe it’s safer to leave it with them, rather than allow it to fall into the hands of someone like you.” It crossed Sela’s mind in that moment that Marshall would hit her, that it would end in a brawl…if he didn’t shoot her first. She ignored the seemingly infinite dark tunnel of the gun’s barrel so close to her face. To show fear was one mistake no amount of wrath would cause her to make. Then, to what had to be their combined horror, Marshall simply turned on his heel and strode out of the room, armed with an automatic weapon. Sela was already running before she heard the noise of the weapon firing indiscriminately into the crowd.
***** Snake was the last through the door. He froze, unable to move at the sight of Sela trying to drag Marshall down, but the man was not only large, he currently displayed the kind of strength only the mad possessed. The image hung as though it were a silent tableau for a second in his mind, and then the sound rushed in, so fast, so harsh, he wondered how he could have ever been deaf to the racket. The sound was tumultuous, so extreme that he could hardly distinguish any single noise. Then he heard Sela’s voice. Her screams were like a blow to his gut when he finally made out her words. “No, Marshall! They’re scientists and technicians. For pity’s sake, stop!” Snake’s legs went weak. Though many of these people blindly worked for the Coalition, and some of them truly believed in the cause, many of them were simply innocent bystanders. Trapped, forced into working for a system they abhorred, they did what the Coalition told them to do in order to stay alive, to keep family members safe. Even as these thoughts went through his mind, he saw Axel’s blue eyes go wide. A combination of lasers and old-fashioned, but equally practical, gunfire rang out from the
112
Sharon Maria Bidwell
other side of the complex. Snake doubted bullets would ever go out of fashion while they could kill as effectively as any other weapon. Axel was reaching, not for Marshall, but for Sela. Bullets ricocheting from the catwalk made Axel jump back and duck down. He tried to rise, but at once Snake could see that the other man would never make it in time. A sudden increase in the presence of guards would usually have made Snake hide. Seeing Sela in danger, he made the only choice possible, surprised to realise it was his only choice, and that he chose it without hesitation. He moved as quickly as the spring in his limbs allowed. He had barely started to run when he jumped. His hands closed on Sela’s shoulders, and his weight pulled her down even as something struck his ankle. The sensation changed from dull to burning at once. He cried out and then screamed as Axel’s grip closed on the wound. Ignoring his protests, Axel and Sela dragged Snake back against the wall. Crying out in pain, Snake tightened his grasp. Somehow, Sela’s hand had found its way into his. He felt something small and hard in her palm, and then more gunfire made them both jerk back out of range. He let go of her hand and saw the object tumble away, recognising it for what it was -- Sela’s only hope of getting off the planet alive -- and beyond that, her widening gaze as she also realised. She must have grasped the encoder just as he grabbed for her in his panic. If he hadn’t pulled his hand back in the resulting confusion, it wouldn’t have tumbled away. This was his fault. He tried to shout, to tell Axel to wait, but even if he had managed to say the words, it was unlikely Axel would have heard above the noise. Maybe it would simply have been too late. Already Axel was barking an order into his communicator for Asta to extract them. The transposition of human tissue could only occur with a direct signal, provided when the encoder touched human flesh and read minute sequences in a person’s DNA. Even if he’d managed to hold onto her, the materialiser would only have selected those cells that belonged to the person with direct contact to the encoder. If they’d both been touching the encoder at the same time… Snake didn’t want to think about what would have materialised back on the ship. The world around Snake faded, grew dim. His limbs felt the cold that came with this method of transport before he grew warm again. He had started shouting as they vanished. He materialised on board ship, screaming out, “No!” Sela watched her encoder tumble away, her mouth gaping. She reached out even as the others disappeared from view, even as Marshall faded from sight, only to watch the small piece of equipment slip between the open risers of the stairs and begin a long descent to the ground below. Having closed down the protection grid and with the weapon not being there for them to steal, there had been no reason for any of them to leave that room. They could already be back on board the ship, on their way without detection. Crouched by the wall, Sela made a quick though unnecessary assessment. The guards moved in like sharks circling their helpless prey. Weaponless and outnumbered, Sela did the
Cosmic
113
only thing she could. She shouted out her name, her rank, her security code, and placed her hands on top of her head. There on her knees, she waited for the soldiers to move in and take her into custody, hoping they heard her correctly and wouldn’t shoot first. Then again, if she was lucky, maybe shooting was the best death she could hope to face.
***** “She’s right; you are a madman.” Axel glared down at the man on the table. Incredibly, despite bleeding in numerous places, Marshall answered him. It even sounded as though he relished the idea. “Are you challenging me? Come on then, Axel. Right here and now.” He began to move, as though he intended to roll himself off the table to fight. “Hand to hand. You want this ship, you fight me for it.” “Marshall, stop it. Just, please, stop it.” Asta’s words emerged as little snuffling gasps. Meliora shot Axel a look that spoke more eloquently than words. The two women fought to hold their patient down. Arriving back on board without Sela, Axel had grabbed Snake and snarled into his face. Between ragged gasps, Snake had managed to gasp out that Sela had lost her encoder. Snake’s words had frozen Axel only for a second, but in such a situation, every second could count. Axel had quickly snapped an order to the flight deck for Asta to get the ship underway, but in that moment, he had no doubt that Snake had seen the look of anguish on his face. They had no choice but to leave Sela behind. The ship’s computers were flying them out of danger right now. The second order of the day seemed to be taking care of Marshall’s wounds, though Axel was quite happy to leave him on the floor, bleeding. They had no surgeon on board, just a med-table. It could heal smaller wounds, such as Snake’s ankle, but in a case such as Marshall’s, the best it could do was sustain him possibly long enough to get professional help. As for the suggestion that Axel would brawl with Marshall, injured or not, the proposition definitely threw Marshall’s sanity into question. Surely, even Marshall knew Axel would never lower his standards to do such a thing. If they ever fought, it would be too ferocious an encounter to call it a brawl. He turned his back on Marshall’s curses, Asta’s crying, and Meliora’s demands that he help. “Jab him with the fucking hypo,” he said under his breath. Meliora must have done just that, as gradually Marshall fell silent and still. Axel walked over to Snake where the man stood on one foot, bleeding from the other. Putting down his weapon, Axel put an arm under Snake, lifting him on to one of the other med-tables. “Not your style,” Snake said quietly, as though he had read Axel’s mind regarding a brawl. Axel looked into his green eyes, but made no reply. He took hold of Snake’s leg. “This is going to hurt,” he said as he started pulling Snake’s boot off.
114
Sharon Maria Bidwell
“Tell me something surprising,” Snake replied. Over in the corner, Meliora cursed that Marshall was heavy. If she intended the complaint to enlist Axel’s help, she was wasting oxygen. Swiftly, Axel removed Snake’s footwear, and then tore the bottom of the alien’s trouser leg out of the way. A med-table had four divided covering sections. Axel placed the limb in the correct position, and then pulled the lower section of the table over Snake’s foot. Marshall’s injuries were to the extent that he would need the whole table. As the med programme started to heal Snake, he told the alien to lie still. Axel moved back across the room to help the two women. Fine, he would help them get Marshall on the table. Whether the man lived would then depend on fate. “How do you do that?” Axel asked. “Do what?” The drugs the med-table had flowing through his body made it difficult to focus on anything. Snake rather liked them. He didn’t want to think about anything right now, least of all Sela back there on the planet. He’d not been able to bring himself to tell Axel that what happened was his fault. “You seem to know what I’m thinking. That I wouldn’t brawl with Marshall. That I knew his reasons for suggesting it.” Sighing inwardly, Snake turned his head to look at the other man’s face. Axel’s disregard for Marshall’s injuries might have seemed callous to some, despite the fact that they were as good as self-inflicted, the man rushing out shooting innocent people, getting himself shot like that. Whatever had brought on this new level of madness, if Marshall lived, Snake wasn’t going to stay if the man continued to lead them. That wasn’t the reason he’d thought of leaving the other day, but it would certainly influence his decision. He doubted it would come to that. He doubted Axel would let it come to that, but he wouldn’t stay onboard if Marshall remained. He just hoped that if he needed to leave due to Marshall that Axel would go with him. Axel would no more stay now with Marshall in charge than Snake would, but the alien couldn’t be sure Axel would want them to travel together. Besides, what happened depended on whether they could rescue Sela. He was almost certain Axel would attempt the rescue even if it meant he would probably die. With or without Axel, Snake wanted to… He wanted to… Yes, he wanted to save Sela. The blissful drugs just made it difficult to worry about that just now. None of that was why Axel had walked away from Marshall’s bleeding body to help him first. Snake couldn’t bring himself to believe it was for anything other than a personal reason, but at least Axel offered him some protection. If one of the women had set the medtable up, they would have noticed many odd readings that announced his less than human status. He still hadn’t replied. “Don’t you know that by now I know the way you think?” he told Axel. At once, it crossed his mind that maybe that wasn’t the wisest thing to admit.
Cosmic
115
Amazingly, so far neither of them blinked, or looked away from the other. Snake did blink then, and to his dismay, the action loosened a tear. “Not such a difficult guess.” “Guess?” Snake asked. Was Axel giving him a way out of the omission? Had Axel not noticed that he was just moments away from crying? “It’s what Marshall wanted,” Axel sneered. “Suggesting we fight. He wanted everyone else’s sympathy. He wanted me to forget that we left someone behind.” Snake’s lip trembled. “Axel, we have to…” “We can’t.” “But…” “She’s dead.” “We don’t know that.” Snake hated the hollow way Axel made the statement. He turned his head to stare at the ceiling, then wished he hadn’t because his nose was starting to run, and tears were starting to clog his throat. “I thought a crew wasn’t supposed to leave one of their own behind.” “If you were to say that to Marshall, he would tell you she wasn’t truly one of the crew, never could be. She was too untrustworthy.” “You’re not Marshall.” “You do surprise me,” Axel said, and the comment made Snake turn his head to look at the other man again. To anyone looking at him, Axel would appear relaxed, his legs crossed nonchalantly at the ankles, his hands loose in his lap. Snake knew the man seldom relaxed. “I never thought you were brave enough to suggest a rescue,” he finished saying. “I love her,” Snake said. “Even though she’s sleeping with me?” “Even because.” He gave Axel a small smile. “You covet her.” Snake shrugged as best he could while lying down. “Sex isn’t that important. It doesn’t get you what your heart wants.” Axel suddenly stood up, startling him. Axel leaning over him, bringing their faces close together, shocked him even more. The man’s voice emerged, soft and low. “If Marshall were awake, he’d want to put such a rescue to the vote. Right now, he’d bury it because he’d put his leadership to the vote first. He’d want to push the fight that’s been brewing a long time between us, and I don’t have time for that.” “Three against two. Meliora would agree with us.” Axel grinned. “True, but that would still leave the rescue open to question, and the matter of a new leader. You might vote for my leadership, but I’m not sure Meliora would,
116
Sharon Maria Bidwell
not without Sela around. She’d agree to it, temporarily, but Marshall would stall. He’d argue I only wanted to rescue the woman I’m having sex with.” “I want you to rescue the woman you’re having sex with.” The smile blossomed across Axel’s face, appearing to be as evil as it was wide, though it looked as though he struggled with it. “You don’t believe she’s dead,” Snake said, the thought striking him as suddenly as the laser blast that could have shattered his ankle. Thankfully, the wound wasn’t that serious. “No. Sela is far too resourceful for that. She knew all the right codes, something Marshall would have questioned the moment he could. She’s connected to someone high up in the Coalition.” “Yet you still want to rescue her?” Axel’s blue gaze bore into his. “No. I don’t. I don’t want to rescue her at all. I want to forget we ever met her. I want to walk away and never look back because I know I’m heading for a fall. The trouble is, it’s already too late. I love her.” It took a moment for those words to sink into Snake’s mind. When they did, he experienced an odd combination of amazement and pain. No sooner had he got used to this feeling when Axel said something else that threw his emotions into turmoil once more. “I love her as much as I love you.”
Cosmic
117
Chapter Nineteen Snake watched Axel through slitted eyes as the man moved away, checked the readings at the foot of the bed, turned off the med-table, pushed back the section covering Snake’s legs, and then took hold of his ankle. He ordered Snake to move it in various directions. His ankle ached a bit but felt fine, although the last visages of the meds might be helping with any residual pain. As Axel helped him to sit up, Snake couldn’t help wondering if the meds weren’t affecting his hearing too, or clouding his brain.
I love her as much as I love you. What did that mean? If Axel didn’t love him at all, then it meant he felt nothing for Sela, but people didn’t express their dislike in cryptic messages like that, least of all Axel. He said what he meant, or he said nothing at all. Snake looked into the other man’s blue and staring eyes, his green eyes blinking in contrast. Axel regarded him with a familiar expression of amusement. “You look snakebitten,” Axel told him. He leaned in, close, closer. Struck dumb, Snake leaned away from him, one inch, two, three, and then Axel’s face was so close the vision blurred. Axel caught up, pressing his mouth against Snake’s before he could move farther away. The light, flickering feel of Axel’s tongue felt both familiar and new. “You told me to tell you something surprising. I love you, Snaithen,” Axel whispered against his mouth, their breath mingling. “I may not want to, but I do.” Axel swallowed down the whimpering cry that escaped Snake’s mouth. With one hand, he held Snake in a fierce grip at the back of his head, forcing his head to a better tilt to receive the other man’s questing tongue. Snake returned the kiss, remembering to take care with his teeth. His kind had very sharp teeth, tapering to slight points. It was the reason he tried not to show his teeth when he smiled. Like his ears and his eyes, his teeth identified him as something other than human. Axel knew all about his sharp teeth. Snake could bite through the man’s tongue with those teeth, yet here was Axel trusting him not to do so.
118
Sharon Maria Bidwell
When the kiss ended, Axel held him in his arms, pressed close. Snake closed his eyes and lay his head against Axel’s chest. “I didn’t even think you trusted me.” Axel gave a small, rueful-sounding laugh. “I’d like to say without trust love counts for naught, but it’s not as simple as that. You can mistrust people, even dislike them, and still love them. Of course, then the love isn’t always enough. It can drive you crazy, though.” He loosened his grip enough so that it made Snake turn his head and look up. Axel gazed down at him. “I trust you,” Axel said, and hearing that was somehow more precious than the declaration of love. Then Axel pulled away, paced. “I trust you more than I trust Sela for the moment, but I love you both.” He stopped pacing, approached. “I trust you,” he repeated, then the rest of what he had to say spilled out of him as though there wasn’t time enough to say it all. “I don’t trust Sela. She is beautiful, strong, independent, fierce, and intelligent, but she’s keeping secrets. The trouble is, I can hardly accuse her of that when we all have reasons to keep secrets.” Axel turned his gaze on Snake. “You… If you didn’t have to hide what you are, I’d probably say you hide the least secrets of all. You certainly don’t hide how you feel. Not from me.” “And what secrets are you keeping?” Snake asked. “Nothing I should be. Not from you. My father is a man whose seed I’m sorry to say I came from. If we live long enough, I’ll tell you more detail about my past one day, but it’s good enough to say he abandoned us. Coalition officers killed my sister because they found her pretty, but she was too young to…entertain them.” Snake fought not to wince. He understand what Axel meant, and why he so carefully chose that word. “They couldn’t legally take what they wanted, but they could commit murder in the name of the law, so they did. My mother killed the murdering bastards, and they executed her for it. I saw jail. I ran. A few years later, the woman I was seeing turned me in. I saw jail again, but not for long. I’d rather die than see the inside of a Coalition jail again.” Snake’s few tangles with Coalition officers and his one and only arrest that had placed him on the wanted list had been brief enough so that he’d never seen the inside of a jail, but like everyone, he had heard the tales. “Then…then I met my wife.” Snake blinked. Axel could not have said what he thought he said. Axel stared at him from so close a distance that he needed to pull back slightly to bring the other man’s face into focus. “She was the daughter of someone very high up in the Coalition. We fell in love, and we knew they would never allow the marriage. So we ran. Jacinda was pregnant when her mother caught up to us. She executed my wife as an example. By the time I could attempt a rescue, I was too late.”
Cosmic
119
Incredibly, Snake watched Axel’s heretofore blank expression transform into a grin. “After that, I guess you could say I gave up on love, or tried to.” He sighed. “The trouble is, loving you is complicated enough. With Sela, I think I’ve made the same mistake twice.” It took a moment for Snake’s swirling thoughts to catch up. “You mean that Sela is also linked to someone high up? That you’re repeating the same pattern as with your wife?” Axel nodded. He glanced across the room to the table supporting Marshall’s unconscious form. “The question is, who is she related to?”
***** “I agree,” Asta said. “We don’t leave one of our own behind.” The remaining three crewmembers either blinked or gaped at her. Axel raised an eyebrow as she shrugged. “I agree with Marshall that there’s a lot about her we don’t know, but if she had organised a trap down there, you’d all be dead.” They had filled her in on the details. If Marshall hadn’t gone berserk, they could all have escaped, and none of them could come up with a plausible explanation as to why Sela would arrange for them to escape with the details of the Zeus weapon, and arrange to stay behind, unless the weapon was some type of decoy or wouldn’t work. A quick inspection by Axel of the information they had escaped with killed that idea. If the weapon worked, it boded ill for anyone on the receiving end. Asta moved along the line of much less powerful and currently their only available handheld weapons. She was getting them cleaned and ready for storage or another assault. Without Marshall’s presence, she suddenly appeared to be the essence of calm and efficiency. “I’m not saying I don’t have a problem with her, but I want to look her in the eye and ask her outright.” Her tone implied she might be asking from one end of a gun, but that seemed fair under the circumstances. “We voted her in as a member of this crew, so crew she is. If we won’t do this for her, then how can we trust any of us?” Asta stopped what she was doing to look at them in turn. “We all know Marshall’s finished here. We can’t trust his leadership. As for saving his life, if we turn back to try to save Sela, he’ll die before we finish the mission.” She sighed. “So we drop him at the nearest place.” “Which will likely have him listed as a felon and will hand him over for execution,” Meliora protested, but her tone lacked strength. It rather sounded as though she considered the suggestion. In reply, Asta reached up, dug her fingers into the skin covering her left cheek, and started to pull the skin back. Even Axel flinched before he realised that what Asta tore from her face was a fine layer of derma, a false covering for wounds. Its removal revealed a dark, purplish bruise beneath.
120
Sharon Maria Bidwell
“I’ve used the med-tables when I could do so discreetly. Too many visits and one of you would have noticed, so I hid the bruises in other ways. Some people take the time to wake up.” Asta sounded apologetic. “Some people never do. This was one slap too many that I hid from you. You can’t trust a man who hits women. You can’t trust a leader who cares nothing for the people he leads. How can we feel we can trust one another if we’re not going to stand by each other?” “You concealed it well,” Axel remarked. The force of her gaze took him by surprise. “No, I didn’t. You all saw what you wanted to see. Just as I saw what I wanted to when I looked at you. Well, Sela looks at you differently, and I’ve wanted to know why for a while now. So, Axel, maybe you should show us what makes you different from leaders like Marshall. You want this ship? Then all you have to do is one thing to earn it. You stand by your crew, and Sela is crew. So we save her or die trying. We don’t give up unless we know for certain the situation is hopeless.” One thing. He almost laughed. All he had to do was get Sela back, and not just to prove he could lead the crew but because if he didn’t, even what he and Snake shared would likely fail to survive in the shadow of her demise.
Cosmic
121
Chapter Twenty Her head hurt; that one bright thought and the pain that accompanied it drew her fully awake. Sela’s first impulse was to sit bolt upright, but she often relied on her instinct and right now, it told her to feign sleep. Sleep? Unconsciousness was more like it. She fought down the inclination to come out of her coma fighting. If you awoke in unknown surroundings, it was sometimes best to let your captor think you still slept. Stirring usually only precipitated whatever nasty thing your captor had in store for you. She might not be able to avoid whatever loomed ahead, but she could delay it a little. Instead of rising, Sela performed a quick self-diagnosis. A burning pressure focused between her eyes. She could also tell that any sudden movement would make her head pound. Another pain to one side of her head told her someone had struck her, though she couldn’t remember passing out. Aside from the headache taking its toll, the rest of her body seemed responsive. A few muscles throbbed, and she smarted with mild aches and pains. Maybe she had acquired a few bruises, but nothing drastic. Whatever surface she lay on felt incredibly hard and unforgiving. She swallowed and at once became aware of the strain in her neck. The hard surface she could cope with, but it would have been nice if someone gave her a pillow for her injured head. Seeing as they had thrown some kind of light covering over her, a pillow didn’t seem an unreasonable request. The hard surface could only be a floor or a bunk, maybe a table. As the image of an operating table flooded her mind, Sela drew in a slightly deeper breath, fighting down her panic. The Coalition didn’t use dungeons. Their torture chambers were sterile, methodical, and austere. Sela had seen enough of them to consider that a few clanking chains might be preferable or at least more honest.
122
Sharon Maria Bidwell
Rather than dwell on such morbid thoughts when they would do her no good, she extended her senses outwards. The air around her felt cool, but she could sense no one immediately nearby. Left with no choice, she tried opening her eyes to a slit. The bright light blinded her, almost making her wince. She couldn’t stop her eyes from flinching shut. She lay there trying to keep her breaths even, allowing a few moments to pass before trying again. This time, her vision cleared. Grey and blue walls came into view, but the wall she faced contained a circular window, and she knew from experience that there would be two others, one to each side, so those outside could view the occupant within. The walls were several inches thick and could withstand tremendous pressure. A bomb blast wouldn’t get her out of here. The blue coats, as she had called them as a child, roved about on the other side of the wall. She had tried to save people just like these when Marshall went crazy. Many had no choice in what they did in the Coalition’s name, not if they wanted to protect their families, but her sense of compassion faded as she looked at them. To protect those families, they would stand by and let whatever the Coalition had in store for her happen, and if they knew how Marshall had gunned down a number of them, they were hardly likely to be concerned with her fate in any case. She tried to stay relaxed, but at once, the pounding in her head increased and her stomach heaved. A fraction of the cause was the blow to her head. Part of her nausea was the knowledge of what these cubicles could do. Closing her eyes, she struggled to keep the contents of her stomach down. There was no hope of escaping this cubicle. Whatever they had in store for her, there was no way to avoid it. There was no point in alerting them to her conscious state. They would get to her soon enough. Lying here was probably the last peaceful moment of her life, and she clung to it. Amazingly, she dozed. Alas, as she began to drift, she also started to dream. Cool blue eyes stared into hers and in an instant turned green, drawing her out of the dream. Sela opened her eyes, blinking back tears, forgetting her pretence of sleep, and then she closed them again as she swallowed down her sorrow. She and Snake had never had the chance to make love, and yet her heart ached for his presence as much as it ached for Axel. She had seen them together and wanted to be part of an unspoken union. The two men cared for each other a great deal more than Axel’s stubbornness and fear of trust would ever let either of them admit. No way would Snake tell Axel he loved him when he knew he faced rejection as well as ridicule and scorn. She wanted to be Axel’s lover, but she also desired Snake. She felt no jealousy when she thought of Snake and Axel together. At the thought of the three of them, her heart and lower parts ached with longing. Even as the idea dismayed her, she accepted it. She was likely going to die soon, and could at least be honest with herself. She liked the alien well enough to call it love, and she’d felt a kinship with Axel almost from the first time they met. Maybe she had loved both men from the first time they all three rolled around in the dirt. Well, fine, maybe not then, but afterwards on board ship. She recalled those first few hours, the first few days, and partying with the men on Venusian 6 before returning to the
Cosmic
123
ship where she had first seen what she already knew. Axel and Snake were lovers, and she wanted to be their lover too. Whether they’d ever stood a chance was moot. She would never see them again. The cubicle’s design made it fully soundproof. Even so, she struggled to suppress a small, strangled sound that fought to escape her throat, although she doubted anyone was bothering to listen. She quietly cried while beneath the sheet, her hand balled into a fist, and she offered up a silent prayer for the two men.
Stay well and be happy. Be happy together.
***** The ship moved into position, using the planet’s moon as a shield. “We can’t materialise from here,” Asta remarked. Snake would have laughed under other circumstances, as he usually stated the obvious, a habit he would try consciously to change if they could just find Sela safe and well. That wasn’t much of a vow, but he offered it up just in case it worked as a bargain with whatever governed the universe. He’d also stop drinking so much. If he could be happy, he’d have no need to drink. “We don’t have to, for the moment.” Axel sat at a computer terminal. “I have to try something first.” “Can I help?” Axel looked up, and Snake’s face grew warm. Quite possibly he blushed, for Axel’s gaze flicked back and forth. “You don’t have to look at me like that,” Snake muttered, sounding sullen even to his own ears. “You know I want to rescue her as well.” “Which is why you volunteered to look after the ship?” Axel made it a question. Snake shook his head. “This isn’t the time to tease me.” So he’d volunteered to look after the ship when they went in, weapons blazing, to get Sela out. So what? He hadn’t meant anything by it. Anyway, Axel had told him that he had no intention of going in weapons blazing and that he had another idea. All that sounded good in theory as long as it didn’t involve direct hand-to-hand combat. It wasn’t a question of being brave. The fact was, if they had to go in shooting, none of them would make it out again, and the best they could hope for was a quick death and the chance to put Sela out of her misery before they faced it. “You’re wrong,” Axel remarked. “Anytime is the right time to tease you.” The warmth in his voice sent what Snake could only describe as a shiver up his spine, but it felt oddly warm instead of cold. “I’d go down to rescue her, you know. I’d go down to fight if I had to. I’d do the same for you.” He would, as well…if he absolutely had to, especially as he still couldn’t help feeling that this situation was his fault. If he hadn’t been so scared that his injury meant he wouldn’t be able to make it off the planet, then he wouldn’t have panicked. If he hadn’t panicked, perhaps he wouldn’t have grabbed for Sela so
124
Sharon Maria Bidwell
desperately. Maybe she wouldn’t have lost her encoder. “I’m not a coward, not afraid of…dying. It’s the getting caught.” Axel spared him one last, quick glance. “I know,” he said. “I know you’d go down if we needed you and I know what you’re afraid of. Just be thankful there’s no need to risk your skin today.” They conducted the conversation in low enough tones so that the two women shouldn’t hear, but they were also both being cryptic, especially when Axel referred to Snake’s skin. Snake didn’t want to die, but he feared being experimented on most of all. This was the first time he’d been honest about that. Axel turned his attention back to the monitor. “If I can find out exactly where they’re keeping her, then we can make a swift attack. I’ll be in and out before they know what hit them.”
***** “This is unbelievable. Their guard is down.” Asta was scanning the area for any signs of detection. “That’s one thing about the Coalition,” Axel commented. “They are at least predictable. They believe that we’re running, tails tucked firmly between our legs.” He couldn’t help it. His gaze flicked over to Snake, and from where the other man stood at his side, sitting at this height, Axel’s gaze easily settled on Snake’s crotch. He glanced up. Snake’s only indication that he realised was his closing his eyes for a couple of seconds. When he opened them again, he refused to meet Axel’s gaze, but a slight flush settled onto his face and the sides of his lips moved as though tugged to the side by invisible strings of mirth. “Well, that’s new,” Meliora remarked. For a moment, Axel thought Meliora referred to the way he and Snake were openly flirting. “What is?” Asta asked. “Axel mentions running, and Snaithen doesn’t utter a peep. Usually he’d say it wasn’t a bad idea.” “Great. You’re all teasing me now,” Snake muttered. “You like to be teased if it’s done in the right way.” Axel couldn’t help it. From the lack of startled expressions on the women’s faces, either they missed the beat or they already knew about him and Snake. He didn’t care, and the silly banter served a purpose. It kept their fraying nerves in check. “At the moment, this is probably the safest place to be,” he went on to remark. “You’re right,” Asta said. “Take a look at this.” Everyone followed Asta’s pointing finger to where she indicated on the star chart that she switched on over the viewing screen. “These are ships. They’re looking for us.” Axel raised an eyebrow and openly sneered. After the attack on the planet, the Coalition had launched a number of quest ships, but they hadn’t considered the idea that the
Cosmic
125
ship they were pursuing might make a U-turn. They had slipped through an ever-expanding net, hunted in every nearest sector but that which they occupied. “It’s going to make getting out of here interesting,” Snake murmured. “Not necessarily so. If I can get this to work, I will also jam their communications, which will be a major help.” “And if you can’t?” Axel gave Snake another look, and this time the alien had the decency to blush scarlet. Ignoring the implication of Snake’s less than total faith in his skill, Axel’s fingers flew back and forth over the console. Several minutes -- more than he cared to consider -- passed. “Damn it!” Axel shook his head at the screen. “They haven’t even realised the grid is down, which stands in our favour, but I can’t detect her.” “Let me help,” Snake said. His tone almost demanded it. He and Axel stared at each other. It wasn’t that Axel didn’t trust the alien or even doubt his skill, but they each had their own talents. He should have been better at this. Maybe something else was clouding his mind. Maybe panic. Axel didn’t like to admit it, but panic sat close to the surface just now. He gave Snake a quick nod. “Can you do this?” He hated asking but couldn’t not. Sela’s life depended on it. “If I fail, it won’t be through lack of trying,” Snake murmured. He nudged Axel out of the seat with his hip. Under the circumstances, Axel shouldn’t have felt anything from that slight contact, but what rose up through his body wasn’t desire so much as the ghost of it. If they lost Sela, they might lose so much else as well. Snake stared at the screen for so long that Axel almost snapped in impatience. Then the alien closed his eyes. Beneath the lids, his eyes roved back and forth as though he dreamed, but his expression was entirely one of concentration. From the corner of his eye, Axel noticed Meliora move forward. He lifted a hand in a gesture to stall her when it appeared as though she would speak. A moment later, Snake opened his eyes and then quickly tapped a code into the console. Almost immediately, letters began to appear on the screen. “What did you do?” Meliora sounded suitably shocked. “Dredge my memory. It’s an old back door. So old, I thought it either wouldn’t exist anymore or it just might work.” He looked up at Axel, his eyes bright, a slight grin to his lips. “I’m a thief, remember. Not everyone keeps the family fortune behind locked doors. Most are stored electronically.” “The electronics part I get, but I thought you were a moron when it came to these sorts of codes.” “Then you thought wrong, didn’t you?” Maybe it was relief, maybe it was the evident pride in Snake’s voice, but Axel returned the grin. “There.” Snake sat back. A complete
126
Sharon Maria Bidwell
layout of the complex appeared as a skeletal framework on the screen, a number of places highlighted. “These are the most logical places where she might be held.” “That’s not a great deal of help,” Asta murmured. “That covers a good third of the installation.” The ghost of Marshall’s voice rose up in Axel’s mind: Why don’t you face it, Axel? This is a lost cause. He resolutely silenced the apparition. They’d dropped the man off at the nearest place with medical facilities. Marshall was now or would soon be in Coalition hands. The man was no longer in charge. Axel was their newly appointed leader, and he had better start leading them. Before he could speak, Snake surprised them all. “As the protection grid is non-operational, I might be able to connect you to the security programme and give you full access to the security cameras.” “I would feel jealous if I weren’t so glad.” Snake grinned and quickly made good on his proposition. When the scene from the first security camera came into view, Axel whispered, “I could kiss you.” From the expression on the other man’s face, Snake quite welcomed the idea.
***** Although she expected to see the face that appeared on the other side of the window, Sela couldn’t suppress the chill that shivered through her. Did the child ever truly lose that feeling, that recognition of authority when faced by a parent, no matter what their age? That feeling was even worse when the parent in question was one of the most evil men Sela had ever known. Still, she had believed she’d lost all fear of him, thought she had moved forward, not only as a person, but also away from her past. Yet her past shaped her personality. This man had changed her life, helped to mould her into the person she was now. It was not something she could thank him for even though she loved who she had become. She’d had to suffer so much in order to evolve. The fear, though, was something else. To feel such fear and despair just by setting eyes on him… Such loathing! She sat up now, having no further use in the subterfuge of sleep, for he knew it for a lie or he wouldn’t be here now, wouldn’t have come to her otherwise. Sela calmly swung her legs down from the bunk, allowing the thin sheet they had thrown over her to fall to the ground as she followed the movement through in order to stand. They had removed her disguise and left her wearing the light silken tunic she had worn underneath the blue coat. She’d had to remove her trousers for the guise to work; female staff did not wear trousers, only skirts. While she lay unconscious, someone had stripped the blue coat from her. In one way, she was glad. She abhorred the blue coats, but
Cosmic
127
something a little more substantial to wear wouldn’t have gone amiss. She felt naked, and it had nothing to do with what little clothes she wore. In front of her father, she always felt naked, as though his gaze stripped her raw. His expression was always the same: one of utter disapproval, as though he couldn’t believe she was part of his flesh. That expression threatened to drive her to her knees every time. Sela stepped up to the glass, lifted one hand, and gazed out at the man. He returned the stare, unblinking, as one might study an insect in a jar. She spoke to him, called him, not by what he was to her, but by lineage. “Father?” she said, asked, but not a flicker of emotion crossed his face.
128
Sharon Maria Bidwell
Chapter Twenty-one Axel was working through the rooms with the speed of desperation. As the search cut down the area into a rapidly dwindling arena, it felt as though the tension and anxiety on board increased. In contrast, Axel was the only one who remained calm and collected. He had taken control of his underlying panic, his rational mind telling him he had to keep a clear head and remain alert. There were so many cameras, over such a wide area to check, that he’d sped up the process. The risk was he might make a mistake. So intent was his examination that he almost missed what he was searching for. He gasped, going back a few shots, and there she was. He had been working through each room so quickly that he missed her, saw her with hindsight, and reactivated the relevant camera. Stupid. His inattention could have cost Sela her life. With the view restored, Axel eased up on the self-abuse. No wonder he’d almost missed her. The angle was bad and the view…odd. He blinked in surprise. A large cubicle dominated the centre of the otherwise blue room. The standard uniforms of the technicians and scientists almost blended in so that the people only stood out when they moved. The grey of the servicemen’s outfits matched the colour of the cubicle, and for some reason, it made Axel’s skin crawl. Even as they watched, some of the personnel, mostly those in blue, began to file out of the room. Axel gazed intently at the figure inside the cubicle on the wrong side of the glass. Sela stood there for a moment staring into the face of a man. “Do you want sound?” Snake enquired innocently. Axel cursed, and Snake reached out, enabling the right system so they could eavesdrop. A muffled broadcast came through to them, the combined sounds of life, of men moving, clothes rustling and feet shuffling, coughs. Then Sela reached out a hand to the glass. Her head tilted a little to one side as though in question. Her lips moved. Even if there’d been no sound, they would have been able to read her lips.
Cosmic
129
“Father?” she said.
***** Sela couldn’t move, rooted to the spot, unable to tear her gaze from his. Movement out of the corner of her eye drew her attention, and she turned to watch one of the technicians step forward. He passed his hand over a panel in the wall, and it opened at his touch. At once, his fingers moved to the panel and began a series of gestures, which no doubt began a sequence of events that would be the end of her. She stared back at her father, a frown creasing her brow. “Father?” she said again, this time more urgently, this time demanding to know what he was about to do to her. There was no acknowledgement from him. She couldn’t help it; Sela thumped the glass in impotent rage. The technician turned his head towards the man who had given her life and waited for his next command. Sela could do nothing but stare into the eyes of the man she should have addressed by what he meant to her: murderer. She opened her mouth as though to speak and immediately closed it again, at once making a decision. She would not let him reduce her to the state of a child. He would not make her beg, plead for her life, kneel before him like an errant daughter. He didn’t like the fact that he’d failed to brainwash his own child. She didn’t like the fact that any father would try. Inside, what she was feeling was a different matter, but outwardly, she stood brave and defiant. Knowing very well what this man was capable of, having witnessed his atrocities firsthand, there was no point degrading herself by being his little girl, pleading for mercy. It would be pointless and more painful than her death. She drew on her hate to save her from the natural instinct of asking a parent for help. No doubt, he would record her execution. No doubt, he would use her as an example. They stared at each other for a moment more, and then he nodded.
***** “I’m going down.” Axel was hurrying to the materialiser. The others raced at his heels. For some peculiar reason, at this late stage, he still expected an argument from someone. Maybe it would take him some time to get used to the idea of Marshall being gone and the voice of dissension silenced. What he saw on everyone’s faces was their total, silent agreement. Their agreement made his heart leap to his throat. The crew cared about Sela. They wanted to rescue her as much as he did. Sela was about to die. The man she had called her father was about to kill her. “It could still be a trap.” Even though the comment made Axel grit his teeth, he didn’t hate Asta for making the remark. He wasn’t the only one who would need time to adjust.
130
Sharon Maria Bidwell
“If that were true, we’d have ships moving in on us right now,” Meliora said, her tone unbelievably quiet. Only when Axel met her gaze did he realise that Meliora knew what the cubicle was and what it could do. It could do a number of things, none of them pleasant. “Ready?” Snake had helped Axel set the co-ordinates. Despite his moving quickly and efficiently, Axel could almost smell Snake’s anxiety. He could see fear for Sela in those bright green eyes. He could see Snake’s fear for their safety and for what it would mean to Snake if they all lost each other now. He gave the other man a quick nod and moved towards the materialiser. At the last moment, he hooked his arm around the back of Snake’s head and forced the other man against him. Their lips met. One of the women in the room gasped. The kiss was harsh, brutal, though little more than a hard, tight press of lips. Axel put into that kiss all the things he didn’t have time to say. He stepped back and just hoped they had the co-ordinates set right; otherwise, he might materialise inside one of the cubicle walls. The only good thing about that was he wouldn’t live to be aware of it, and he would never feel the pain of having failed.
***** The cubicle was capable of many things. As a child, Sela had heard of them locking a rebel agent in one of these and just letting him starve to death while his colleagues ate and drank within a few feet of him. It could subject the body to the effects of depths, pressure, or space, among other things. It could contain many lethal allergens, all of which carried their own forms of unpleasant deaths. The chamber was an easy method to decontaminate the area and the corpse afterwards. None of those choices boded well, and she would have no idea which method her father had chosen until she exploded, imploded, or bled out of her eyes and ears. The chances were, whichever one he chose, he’d keep her body intact. He’d want a corpse to parade around as an example of what happened to those who disputed Coalition rule.
Shit! She was going to be brave. She was going to be brave. She was going to be brave… Sela gritted her teeth so hard it made her jaws ache. She would not show him her fear. She would not! Dying was one thing, but to die like this… She might have even swallowed her pride if she thought it would do the least good. If it had been Snake or Axel’s life, she would have begged. She willed away her tears. Would Axel admire her courage if he could see her? It happened so quickly. One moment she was there, about to die alone despite all the faces peering in at her, paying witness to her destruction. Then as though the thought of him had materialised her saviour, his shimmering presence coalesced at her side. Axel blinked at her, looking as surprised as she felt. Not only was it a wonder he had managed to transport through the grid, which meant it must still be down, but another two feet in any direction and he would have materialised inside a wall, the table, or even Sela. People hated this
Cosmic
131
method of transport for good reason; not everyone had been dismayed to see the technology outlawed. Outside the cubicle, his appearance created a stir. Guards banged on the door though she could only hear it distantly through the speakers her father had turned on. The technician dithered over the console. They couldn’t open the door to let the guards in until he stopped whatever form of execution her father had chosen, and by the time that happened, it would be too late. The savage bite of Axel gripping her wrist brought Sela out of her trance. “Hello, gorgeous,” he said as he slipped an encoder into her hand. She had time to turn her head to take a last look at her father, and then she was gone.
***** She didn’t care who was in the room. She didn’t care who saw. Her arms linked around Axel’s neck, her mouth pressed to his, and she drank him down. Gasping for air, Sela wasn’t sure which of them broke the kiss, but the moment she opened her eyes and turned her head, she became aware of an emerald gaze boring into hers. “Sna-Snaithen,” she managed to say, and then he was in her arms. She longed to kiss him, but didn’t dare. A hug would have to do. Then she thought to hell with it and kissed him as well. Snaithen tensed in her arms a moment, and then he opened his mouth to her. Surprisingly sharp teeth grazed her tongue and sent an unexpected thrill shivering through her torso. A slight cough caught her attention, making her pull back from the kiss. Meliora watched them with an amused look on her face. “Good thing I sent Asta back to the flight deck to take us out of here as soon as you were on board.” Sela frowned. “And Marshall?” “He’s gone,” Axel told her. “Long story,” he added, one they clearly didn’t have time for just now. “Would I be stretching things to ask if you know a good route to get us the hell out of here?” “No,” she said. “No, you wouldn’t at all.” She turned towards the flight deck at a run, knowing that once she plotted the course, she had some explaining to do.
132
Sharon Maria Bidwell
Chapter Twenty-two “You’re Von Castellan’s daughter.” Asta made it sound dirty. Rather than squirm, Sela gave an exaggerated bow of the type expected of others when in proximity to the Coalition president’s daughter. A bubble of laughter erupted from Snake’s mouth, though he swallowed it down as soon as Asta and Meliora’s gaze fell on him. Asta looked confused, slightly angry, perhaps thinking Marshall had been right all along. Meliora looked thoughtful, Snake amused though edgy, and Axel…Axel had that blank expression on his face that hid his feelings so well. When no one said anything or moved, she sighed and then sat down. “What do you want me to say?” she asked. “You can try to justify coming on board, lying to us for all these weeks.” Asta drew her hands into fists at her sides. Her words emerged sounding clipped. She obviously spoke through a tightly clenched jaw. “I didn’t lie. I just didn’t tell you who I was.” Asta snorted. “Would you have? If you were me, would you have gone around telling people who you were?” “You kept your first name,” Snake whispered. Sela looked over to him. “It’s a fairly common name, and it’s my identity. I’ve never felt as though I were a Von Castellan, just Sela. Just me.” “You’re royalty. You’re the thing Marshall hates.” Asta spoke harshly, but somehow, she managed to sound bewildered, lost. “I’m not my father,” Sela said, and to her dismay, her voice trembled on the last word. She swallowed, hard, glad when it hurt. The slight pain in her throat chased back the tears.
Cosmic
133
“Need I remind you my father was about to kill me down there?” She shivered, hearing the words even from her own lips. Her father had been about to kill her. She knew it, but saying it aloud… A dull throb behind her eyes reminded her that her head hurt. She lifted a hand to the bump at the side of her head. “You’re in pain.” She almost laughed. Did Axel mean just physically, or also emotionally? His first words were at least expressing concern, but they sounded dull, lifeless for all that. She wasn’t sure whether to feel irritated or grateful. Sela was more upset than she wanted to admit. One wrong word, one accusation, might have crumpled her will. So would a word of kindness. She might have broken down in front of them, might even have broken down inside. She was tired, so tired. By the time they managed to flee the sector into a safer division of colonised space, Sela’s headache had returned in full force.
***** Axel scanned the medical monitor. The bump on the head was just that. Sela had suffered a mild concussion, but the effects were already fading. “How’s the nausea?” “Gone.” “The headache?” “Better. Just dull now, not pounding.” She spoke as though he had her attention, but her gaze remained focused on the other side of the room. Bloodstains remained on the table where they’d attended to Marshall. As though she sensed him watching her, Sela said, “We should go back for him.” “Despite what he did?” She shrugged. “You shouldn’t have handed him over. He’s unstable, but he’s as much a victim of the Coalition as anyone. It’s not just his physical health that needs treatment.” Axel sighed, aware of Snake’s bright green eyes flicking back and forth, watching their faces. Axel leaned his weight on one hip against the table where Sela sat. “I’d like to argue, but I feel the same way.” She looked up as though surprised, and he almost flinched. Did people really think so little of him? The idea that Sela thought that way pained him. He shook his head, apparently prompting her to ask, “What?” “Nothing. Everything.” She waited while he paused, the warmth of her eyes holding his gaze. “We can’t help him now. We did what we could. We couldn’t save his life here, and we couldn’t get back to save you if we’d taken the time to get him to safety.” “Should that make me feel better?”
134
Sharon Maria Bidwell
“No, but it helps me feel better.” Axel managed to grin. “Anyway, I wouldn’t be feeling so gracious if Marshall were here. He’d only insist you were the one that led us into the complex and nearly got us captured.” “He nearly got us captured. I was captured, which gave you ample time to get away.” Her tone suggested that maybe they should have left her, or that the rescue was at least a surprise. Unfortunately, Axel understood why she felt that way. He wanted to make certain that she never doubted him again. “And if Marshall were here, we’d be arguing over whether the mission was a success or another one of his failures,” Sela added, on a soft laugh. At least she didn’t blame herself, but Axel was very aware that she still had other things she needed to accept. “Why suggest the mission at all? Surely you risked someone recognising you?” Snake kept his voice low as though he were afraid to speak too loudly. Axel didn’t blame him. It felt as if time were ticking down to a calm lull before a storm, or an explosion. He hated the way they were being so careful with each other but right now, it was necessary. Sela’s voice emerged sounding small, weary. “There was such a risk, but I didn’t think it likely. My face isn’t as well-known as you may believe, and I hardly resemble my father. After all, none of you knew me. Anyway, if it had come down to that, I would have given myself up as a distraction so you could escape, I had hoped, with the weapon.” “How noble.” Axel couldn’t help playing devil’s advocate. “Marshall would say that wasn’t a problem. He’d say they were probably expecting us, trying to feed us with false information.” Sela stared at him. “What do you say?” “That it’s unlikely.” “Why? I mean, the whole thing could be a setup. Maybe we were pretending my father was going to kill me. You’ve only my word to go on that I would do anything to stop the Coalition having sole use of a weapon with such power.” Her voice wavered on the end, and she looked away, blinking hard. From the corner of his eye, Axel saw Snake glance at Sela, but then the alien’s gaze returned to his face. Snake had been staring at him intently for the last couple of minutes. The alien’s tension was palpable. Axel could feel it, as he could feel many things where Snake was concerned. He had once believed this an effect of the pheromones the alien produced, but Snake said no, that only once someone grew close to him would they sense his emotions on this level. Axel had thought close meant proximity and maybe duration or frequency. Now he knew differently. He was close to Snake in other ways. As for Sela, Axel wanted to make her open up to him, trust him, but he couldn’t see a way through this conversation. When Sela raised the issue of trust yet again, she cleared the way, though he would have to antagonise her to do it. “Don’t tell me you trust me, just like that?” she asked scornfully.
Cosmic
135
“I haven’t said I trust you.” Sela smiled. “I should have known.” “You should ask if I believe you.” “Do you?” She either didn’t try to hide her eagerness behind the question, or failed to. “I believe what I see with my eyes. Your father was going to kill you. You’re no spy, but as for my trusting you, why should I?” “You have to trust someone. Everyone has to trust…someone.” “Do they?” A small frown formed between her eyes. Her gaze searched his. “If you never trust, then in the end, you’ll only find yourself alone.” “It always amazes me that people consider there’s so much wrong with that.” “It’s a lonely existence. Pointless.” Her tone gave away her frustration. “There’s no one to turn to for help.” “You need no one, depend on no one. Then you have no other mouth to feed but your own. No one to clothe but yourself. No one to fight for other than to survive.” He made certain he listed those things as though they were plusses. Sela sighed. “Is there a point to this discussion?” “There’s no one to betray you. No one to stab you in the back.” “Axel, I’m not --” “Not what?” “Nothing.” He didn’t believe her. In fact, he knew very well what she had been about to say. He couldn’t conceal his smile any longer. This was a pivotal moment, though quite how or why they had reached it, he wasn’t sure. He had loved another woman high up in the Coalition before and look where that had got him. She, like Sela, had turned her back on laws and rules dictated by a corrupt state. What were the chances that he would meet and fall for another woman just like her? Yet what were the chances that he wouldn’t? People often fell for the same type of person. He didn’t have a problem with Sela, just a problem with where that might lead him. “I know you want to argue with me,” he said. Sela opened her mouth as though to deny it, but then looking into his eyes, she fell silent. “I know you want to argue, and I know why. I know you don’t want to believe that your own father would try to kill you.” “I know --” He pressed his fingers against her lips, silencing her protest. “What you know and what you want to believe are two different things, even knowing him as you do. You’d rather argue with me than accept that.” He sighed. “As I would rather argue than accept that I believe you, care for you.”
136
Sharon Maria Bidwell
He watched the slight tightening of her face, the carefully schooled expression that she pulled. No doubt she was wondering what he meant by caring. “The sins of the father, Sela. I’m not going to blame you for your father’s crimes. And if you had told Marshall who you were, he would have executed you with no more mercy than Hiam Von Castellan. You were afraid I would too. The Coalition wants you for being a deserter, and a royal one at that. Your father obviously cares nothing for you, and you struggle even to find a place amongst the rebels, because any hint of your background betrays you. It’s why you were very happy to come on board this ship where there was less risk. It’s why you were happy to join a small, independent group such as us. You scorn my being alone, but you’re the one who has nothing and nobody.” “Are you trying to break my heart?” She sounded annoyed with him, and he was glad of it. Angry was better than sad. “I’m saying neither of us is as alone as we’d like to be. Not now that we’ve found each other.” She laughed. The sound contained relief and something else. Something he could only liken to incredulity. Her lips trembled. Her eyes glistened. “Whatever you think of me, I am not given to irrationality,” Axel assured her. “I do not let my feelings interfere with my reasoning. I believe you. You’ve guided us well of late. Better than Marshall ever did.” He could admit that much. That was easier than admitting he loved her. “So, I get to be the leader and run the ship now?” Her voice sounded amused and mischievous. “Not a chance, and I don’t consider myself led by anyone. I do know I don’t suffer a fool lightly. I suffered Marshall for too long. They’ll execute Marshall, and I’ll feel sorry for that, because it will look like a victory for the Coalition. Or he’ll escape. Either way, I won’t apologise or feel sorry because it was the only way we could give him a chance and still save your life. I couldn’t lose you.” She stared at him, eyes brimming. “I looked through your files while we were in the complex. All your files,” she said softly. “I read everything in yours.” “I know,” Axel told her, “or at least I suspected you would if given the opportunity.” He grinned. “I would have done the same.” He hooked a finger under her chin and lifted her head just enough so he could brush his lips against hers. “I know I’m going to regret this, but I love you, Sela. Just as you want to deny who your father is, I want to deny how I feel because it makes me vulnerable, but I can’t. Denying it doesn’t stop it from being true.” She smiled, laughed lightly. “I love you too.” They kissed, and when they came up from the sinking gravitational force of that kiss enough to look around, it was to discover that Snake had left the room.
Cosmic
137
Chapter Twenty-three Snake waited until Axel told Sela he loved her. He waited until they kissed, and then he slipped from the room. Despite the feelings Axel had declared for him earlier, Snake couldn’t see it working out. For his race, two males with one female was normal, but humans didn’t live like that. What woman wanted two lovers? He almost stumbled at the thought. Well, fine, maybe some women did, but he just couldn’t see it happening. Despite that kiss, he didn’t believe Sela felt that way for him. She had chosen Axel. That so intimate kiss they’d shared stemmed from her delight at being rescued. That kiss couldn’t mean anything else; it certainly wasn’t an indication of her true feelings. He wasn’t someone who got everything he wanted in life. Once, he would have said he wanted fame or fortune, then that changed to freedom. Now, he just wanted to feel safe in Axel and Sela’s arms. It wasn’t going to happen. Things never went right for him. They always seemed to and then just when he had everything, something or someone came along and snatched it all away. He might once have berated Axel from closing down his emotions, but the truth was he had put up with Axel’s seeming abuse, recognising it for what it was. Oh, he had never believed Axel would love him, but the rest… He had understood Axel’s need for seeming aloof. He had envied the other man’s ability to pull it off. He often longed to be as independent. Right now, he couldn’t pretend not to feel the raw emotions running through him. If Axel and Sela got anywhere near him, he would fall apart. He would kiss and lick, suck and fuck with them until too raw and sore to move. The whole concept felt too whorish even for him, but, oh, what he wouldn’t give to feel the brush of a warm hand up his spine right now. Snake shivered, glanced back down the corridor as he passed Axel’s room, made it to his own room, went in, and set the privacy seal. He needed to be alone. He needed to suffer in silence. He needed to give up dreaming of Axel’s love and having a woman in his life he could also love. He cared for Axel too much, yet he needed the balance of a female in his life.
138
Sharon Maria Bidwell
He had never explained that to Axel in fear the man might laugh. Now, he was so close to having both, and he had run in fear of it. Sinking down on the bed, Snake drew his legs up to his chest and hugged his knees. He suddenly felt incredibly stupid, hiding in his room like this.
***** Axel stared in disbelief at the place where Snake had been standing just moments ago, almost as though if he stared long enough the alien would materialise. “Your face betrays you,” Sela said. He jerked his head back towards her. They gazed at each other intently. “Go to him,” she said, looking away. “Sela…” She sighed, edging towards the side of the med-table. He went to help her down. Standing, she swayed a little but assured him she felt fine. She looked into his eyes. “I’m not a fool. I don’t expect you to give him up for me.” He didn’t know what to say. He had been in too many battles, escaped with his life more times than a curious cat, had more luck than the devil, and here he was, lost. How did he broach the idea of three in a bed to the woman he loved? It wasn’t as though he was asking her to share him with another woman, and she had seen him and Snake together. She’d slept with him even knowing that he shared a relationship with Snake, but he wasn’t sure that didn’t make it worse somehow. It grew even more complicated knowing that Snake felt attracted to Sela and, he was certain, she to him. Even if he could have spent time with them separately without jealousy rearing its ugly head, they would have to cope with taking it in turn to spend nights alone, and he couldn’t go back to treating Snake the way he had, at his convenience, even if Snake did understand his reasons for it. “Go,” she told him again. “And what? Set up a roster so we know who gets me on what days? Sela…” He swallowed. “Oh hell. Do you like Snake?” She stared at him, and then her face underwent a series of expressions. She laughed. “If you could only see your face. Just ask me and be done with it.” “Ask?” She nodded. “Uh-hum. I know what you’re trying to say, but I want to hear you say it.” Axel cursed, which made her giggle. “You’re loving this.” “Totally.” “Fine. You, me, and Snake as lovers.” Her expression grew a little more serious. “Could you cope with that?”
Cosmic
139
Frowning, he opened his mouth to speak, and then hesitated. He thought about it. He gave Sela a slow blink and read her expression so clearly that it shocked him. The problem wasn’t Snake and Sela; it was him. Could he stand watching Snake and Sela make love? If he were present, taking part, he thought he could, but there were bound to be times when two of them might be separated from one of the three, and it didn’t just concern sex. Could he stand to watch the two people he loved going off into danger on some mission, knowing one of them might not return? “I don’t have a choice,” he said, not knowing he was going to say that until he heard his own voice. Sela just stared at him. “I don’t,” he insisted. “I can’t stand being with you both and us not being together. If I can’t cope with us as lovers, it doesn’t matter, because I’ll never cope with anything else. I’ll never survive the danger we face every day. This is why I didn’t want to care about you. I never wanted to care about Sn…” He hesitated over which name to use. He’d almost said Snaithen and realised it was out of respect, but he couldn’t avoid the truth that all this time when he’d used the name Snake, it wasn’t as derisory as he’d pretended. “Snake,” he said decidedly, accepting that truthfully he’d always used the name with affection. At the same time, he was aware of the hurt and anger in his voice, but he couldn’t help that. Axel rubbed a hand down the back of his forearm; it rather felt as though Snake had somehow slithered under his skin. That had happened gradually. Sela had kicked at his heart directly, and her aim proved true. “It’s easier never loving anybody. It’s easier not risking your heart, taking the chance they’ll betray you. I didn’t want to feel this way.” “I know,” she told him. “All that pain, it’s the price we pay for love.”
***** Sela winced as Axel slapped his hand against Snake’s door. He hit the surface so hard that it surely stung. “He’s set the privacy seal,” she said, frustration edging into her voice. They were so close to finally putting all the uncertainty behind them, and she hadn’t even thought that Snake would shut them out like this. As to what she was doing, she didn’t allow herself time to think. She couldn’t afford to question her motives. Her father would call her a whore, but he’d called her worse than that since she first disobeyed him, and as for having two lovers… Weariness set in, sweeping over her, sudden and debilitating. She was so very tired of it all. There was no such thing as a happy family now. The Coalition had seen to that. The most one could hope for was finding someone to love or to trust. Finding both those qualities in one person lifted Sela’s heart. Finding it with two gave her heart wings. If it lasted a day or a lifetime, this feeling was worth holding on to. Maybe one day the Coalition would be overthrown, and maybe one day they would finally have a government for the people. Until then, she would take love where she could find it, and she loved these two guys; they were so anomalous, so incongruous, that together they made an odd kind of sense. Hell, the three
140
Sharon Maria Bidwell
of them made an odd kind of sense, but now they found their plans foiled just because they couldn’t get into Snake’s stateroom. “Locked out,” she murmured. Axel glanced at her and then grinned. “Not for long,” he said.
***** Snake started, looking around as the whispering sound of the door opening hissed throughout the room. Axel marched in, closely followed by Sela, and then the door closed again. Snake stared at the door, his gaze circling the outline of the opening in disbelief. He had set the seal. No way should Axel have managed to enter the room, unless… “You bastard!” Snake said, and was stunned to discover he half-meant it. “You could have…have…” His words trailed off. “I could have let myself in any time I wanted.” “All those times I thought I shut you out…” Yet again words failed to express his outrage. Axel nodded. “You needed time alone, and I gave it to you. Of course, it wouldn’t have done to let you know that.” Sheer anger drove away all the other things Snake felt upon looking into those blue eyes. Aware of his racing heartbeat, his speeding pulse, he pushed that all back, ignoring his dry throat and the twitch of his cock. He raised a hand to hold Axel back, and Axel slapped it away. Snake reacted, slapping back, so that for a brief moment, they fought like little girls, slapping at each other’s hands. Then Axel grabbed one of Snake’s wrists, and moved in so close the press of his body simply left them no room to continue the fight. Not wanting to look so deeply into the man’s eyes, Snake turned his head away, taking his gaze to Sela. She stood there, silent, hovering, as though she waited to see what would happen next. In that moment, he knew what she was waiting for. He shook his head. “Oh, no. No no no!” “Why not, Snake?” Axel asked, at the same time performing a slight shifting of his hips that told Snake he was very happy about something. Arousal slid through Snake’s belly, but he fought to suppress it. Axel’s eyes going slightly wide told Snake the other man noticed. Still, the alien wasn’t about to release pheromones if he could help it. The release would make it more difficult for him to fight. He wasn’t sure Axel understood that his pheromones not only affected others, but Snake personally. This was not the time for such explanations. “Why are you resisting?” Snake shook his head. “If this is going to happen, and I’m not saying it is, then I want our heads clear. I want both you and Sela to know what you’re doing.” Axel turned his head just enough to spare Sela a glance. The softening of Axel’s face as he looked at her made Snake’s heart leap in longing, and in doubt. The two of them were in love, finally, completely, and on one level, he was glad for them, but he couldn’t help
Cosmic
141
wondering how much that shut him out. He couldn’t imagine Axel ever looking at him the same way, but when the other man turned back towards him, those slim fingers trailing down the side of Snake’s face to the edge of his mouth, and Axel’s gaze following his own wandering caress, the expression in those cool depths amazed him. Heat existed, but it duelled with something else, something far softer. “I love you, Snaithen,” Axel whispered. “Don’t make me give you up.” In that moment, Snake had his answer. If he had to choose, Axel would choose Sela. If she had to choose, she would go to Axel. He was the third wheel, the gooseberry, the spare part in this relationship. He opened his mouth to say thanks but no thanks, when Axel’s forehead touched his. “Please, Snake,” Axel whispered. “Don’t make me walk away from the two of you. I can’t choose. Don’t make me give up both of you. Please. Let us love you.”
Love? Us? Axel had said let “us” love you. The inner struggle raged, but Snake just couldn’t fight against Axel’s plea. He hesitated still, but was already aware that he’d lost. His grievances and fears fluttered around him, escaped his clutches. He couldn’t walk away from Axel and Sela, and continue breathing. They were his life. He was no longer sure why he railed against his feelings. All he wanted was within reach, but he just feared trusting that this could be real. Sela watched the confusion sweep in over Snake’s face. “You don’t mean…” the alien began, but then seemed lost for words. She nodded. “Oh, yes, he does. So do I. If one of us walks, then we all walk.” “Why?” All the alien’s hurt and confusion came out in that one word. She watched Axel gently touch the other man’s face, his gaze sweeping back and forth, searching, giving so much of his heart. Axel waited as though he knew she would say it better. “Because he loves you too much, and I love you as well. When I think of you, I think of you together.” She laughed. “As my boys.” “But you and I have never…” He didn’t have to complete that particular sentence. “Well, no, but we’ve kissed, and we’ve wanted to do more. It’s easily remedied. Snake, the problem isn’t how you feel about Axel or he feels about you, or how I feel about either of you. It’s that we all feel too much, and if one of us walks away, it will leave the other two stranded. Whichever two of us stayed together, without letting the other person into our hearts, eventually the relationship would break.” She edged closer. “The missing person would always be just that, missing. The other two couldn’t be complete. Like it or not, we need each other. The three of us fit well and work well together. I know you want this, so why are you fighting it now that we’re suggesting it?” Those green eyes turned to her, glistening. “Do I have to spell it out?” Snake asked.
142
Sharon Maria Bidwell
“You’re frightened of losing us. You’re frightened of one of us getting hurt, of dying.” Axel took hold of one of Snake’s hands and lifted it. Tension visibly tightened Snake’s body, and he refused to open his hand so that Axel held it in a fist over his heart. Snake surely felt Axel’s heart beating. “If you’re frightened, you have to know I’m petrified.” The alien gave several fast blinks in reply, and then looked into Axel’s eyes. He swallowed hard. Axel continued. “I don’t want to love either of you, but I can’t help it. It’s too late because I already do love you both. We could all go out tomorrow in an attack, but all I know is what I can share with you, right now, and I want it. I want it like nothing I’ve ever wanted, in all my…” Axel’s words broke off as Snake’s mouth found his. Sela swallowed so hard it hurt her throat as a flash of desire coiled through her lower body, rolling over itself like a snake, repeatedly, making lust melt and ooze through her veins. It wasn’t so much the sight of the two of them kissing but the sheer emotion on display in front of her right now. The fierce love and joy amidst all that desperation sank into her bones. If they didn’t move things along soon, she might collapse to the floor. Axel’s first moan was of surprise, quickly mingled with pleasure, and then he yelped. Snake jerked back, but the movement contained some caution. Axel lifted his fingers to his mouth. When he brought his hand down, blood beaded his skin. Evidently, Snake had inadvertently nipped his mouth. “You’re usually so careful.” Axel’s tone teased, but the comment held some deeper meaning that escaped Sela for the moment and then she remembered the sensation of Snake’s sharp teeth when they had kissed. “Has Snake ever taken you in his mouth?” She blushed the moment the two of them turned their heads to look at her, though she couldn’t help admiring the view. Both of them stared at her, flanking each other, one very dark, the other fair. Cool blue eyes and glittering green jewels stared from across the room. Axel grinned. “Want to see how it works?” It wasn’t as if this was the first time they’d done this, but Snake hadn’t had an audience before. The clothes came off easily enough, but then Snake faltered. For one thing, he couldn’t help sweeping his gaze over the vision of the two people he loved finally naked before him. He’d not seen Sela naked before, and he wanted to revel in the sight of her soft curves contrasting with Axel’s hard lines. He glanced at Sela’s face, and she rewarded him with a smile. That smile wasn’t broad or coy but conveyed something more emotional. Instinctively, he sensed she would enjoy this little show, so he swallowed his embarrassment and decided to give her a performance she’d remember; Axel as well, come to that. He had the two of them in his life, and he planned to keep it that way. Axel lay back on the bed, propped up on pillows, but Snake chose not to rush things. Instead, he leaned over Axel, watching those bright blue eyes as they glanced at him in
Cosmic
143
apparent surprise. Snake struggled not to smirk. He brushed the softest of kisses over Axel’s lips but then passed on by, nuzzling his neck. When Axel’s hands came up as though to take control, Snake caught hold of them. At the same time, his tongue flickered out, leaving a soft, tickling trail starting from the base of Axel’s ear and working its way down, ending at his clavicle bone on the left side of the man’s neck. Axel’s body jolted then bowed. Snake struggled not to chuckle. Just as he thought, Axel’s neck was ticklish. “What’s made you brave?” Axel gasped, and Snake couldn’t hold in a soft laugh any longer. “Maybe she has,” he murmured, his tongue darting out, stroking back and forth. The muscles in Axel’s arms tightened and flexed as though he wasn’t sure what to do with them. Finally, he grasped Snake but did nothing to stop him. He even tilted his head back a little, exposing his neck, writhing as much as giving himself over to the slow torture. Something in Axel’s body, some tension, told Snake the man was reaching his limit. Axel was always the one in charge during sex, and although the dynamic had changed somewhat, there was a limit to what Snake could get away with, for the time being at least. Even agreeing that the three of them should be lovers, they all needed time to adjust. Snake changed direction with his caresses, heading towards his goal. On the way, he placed small kisses, edging them towards bites. He took some skin between his teeth and tugged slightly. Hearing Axel hiss, he looked up. Their gazes met. Both men knew Snake could pierce the tender flesh of Axel’s stomach if he wanted. He could tear into the stomach wall with his teeth before Axel could stop him. Snake watched the raw, naked awareness of the fact that he literally had Axel’s life in his teeth right now, but it wasn’t as if it was the first time. As Snake let go of that so soft and tender skin to work his way down, Sela apparently shared a similar thought. She shifted her gaze from what Snake was doing to Axel’s face. “If you ever try to tell me again that you don’t love and trust Snake, I’ll call you a liar to your face.” Axel looked startled. His gaze shifted towards her. Sela just stared back, shaking her head slightly. “No man puts his cock in a mouth full of daggers unless he trusts the person.” She looked from one to the other of them. “I see the thought foolishly never entered either of your heads.” Now that she said it, it was so obvious that heat ran over Snake’s skin. He surely blushed. Axel had trusted him for a long time, probably loved him longer, and although Snake had realised that part of Axel’s aloofness was self-preservation, he’d never allowed himself to believe Axel could love him to such an extent. The other man’s fingers tangled in his hair, but it wasn’t as if Snake needed any encouragement. Axel sunk into the soft support of the bed and pillows. Snake’s fingertips traced his waist, but already his cock pulsed, lifted, seeking out the heat of a more intimate embrace.
144
Sharon Maria Bidwell
Snake’s fingers moved to trace the hard, rigid line of his cock from the underside of the shaft all the way to the tip. To Axel’s embarrassment, he already dripped. That warm, slippery, slathering tongue flicked out and swiped over the swollen glans, and Axel clamped down on the cry in his throat. He didn’t even know why, but he suppressed the urge to shout. From the look on Sela and Snake’s face, he needn’t have bothered. “You’re not fooling anyone,” Sela whispered in his ear, her hot breath puffing against the side of his face, her voice dipping down low and seductive. “Neither are you,” Axel muttered, slipping his fingers into her wanton heat, knowing too well that she was more than prepared. Even so, he started at how wet and welcome she felt to his touch. His cock jerked in response, but they were supposed to be making love to Snake. Those green eyes flickered back and forth, studying them, looking to where Axel’s fingers nestled against Sela’s intimate heat. With his other hand, he tugged a little on Snake’s hair. He didn’t know if the alien would understand what he wanted, but something of his unspoken message must have got through. As Sela turned her head from kissing his face and neck to look down the line of his body, Snake opened his mouth and took Axel into the hot depths of his throat. There was no use of tongue, no more sweeping licks. Those would come next. Snake’s penchant was to start with swallowing him whole. Axel felt the coolness of Snake’s lips, then the warmth of his mouth, then the tip of him plunging in the hot pit of that serpentine throat. It always felt like that, cool edging by degrees into heat. That jaw performed a strange movement that had become so familiar to Axel now and which reminded him of the way snakes swallowed their prey whole. As Snake’s lips settled around the base of his cock, Axel felt the grip of those sharp teeth holding him in place…but so gently, so delicately, that the tenderness in that grip alone brought a lump to his throat.
I haven’t cried for years. The thought both alarmed and dismayed him. The muscles in Snake’s throat convulsed; the alien was swallowing around him, making his throat clench around Axel’s cock. For a few moments, Snake fed on him, feasted in a way too intimate for the act itself. Those green eyes burned as they stared at one another; Axel found he couldn’t look away. Snake could kill him in one bite, rip that so delicate flesh away, make him bleed to death, and before he had never been able to admit that letting Snake do this was an act of trust. Axel cast his mind back over all the times they’d had sex, and the memories made him shiver, but so did the regret that swept in with the lust. They could have been making love. All this time, they could have… Snake began a slow, delicious retreat, his tongue and lips charting the diagram of Axel’s cock, still making soft sucking motions as though he fed. As Snake moved back so that only the smooth rounded head remained in his mouth, Axel gestured for Snake to stop. For one more instant, Snake held him between his teeth, those sharp daggers sending little pricks of pain into Axel’s dick, making him gasp in horror and shock as well as tremble from an odd
Cosmic
145
form of pleasure. The cold grip of fear wrestled with the zing of excitement, making Axel flush hot. When Snake finally let go, Axel lost what little control he had left. He ensnared his fingers in that mop of dark hair and used it to drag Snake up the length of his body and their mouths together. He kissed Snake, plunging his tongue in amidst those needle-like teeth, licking and exploring, fighting not to be cut but trusting the alien wouldn’t eat his face off. Axel was kissing him. Axel was kissing him! Axel had never kissed him before Sela came on board, and these kisses weren’t about the wrong sort of pent-up frustration. These kisses were full of love. Snake groaned aloud, the sound slithering off into a sob. He fell into their arms, their embrace, lost in the sensation of their fingers skimming over his skin. A soft fluttering touch traced his spine, and he gasped, arched. The sensation threw his head back, and he only had just enough sense to open his mouth wide as he broke the kiss so as not to lacerate Axel’s tongue. He couldn’t hold back any longer. That aroma that came with his arousal wasn’t quite a scent, but it almost exploded from his body. He wasn’t sure where it came from and at times, he cursed it. That scent seduced. If someone wanted him under such heady intoxication, how could he know what he or she truly felt? This time he didn’t care. Sela and Axel were already seduced, and it had nothing to do with pheromones. “Just let go,” Axel whispered, touching him in just the way Snake enjoyed, and before the sensation made him close his eyes, he gave a passing thought to how much Axel knew what he liked. A warm, wet tongue wiggled down his spine, lapping under one of the ridges, and Snake cried out. Just as he did, Axel’s hot mouth closed over one of his nipples. Snake lay on his side with Axel in front of him, Sela behind. Between them, they played his body as though he were an instrument and they knew just the right notes. In tune, they writhed, twisted, and danced, hands stroking, clutching, embracing, until Snake lost track of time. More minutes than he cared to count passed before he realised he felt drugged. His own body betrayed him, gave him over to the dance. Oddly, when he could focus on Axel and Sela once more, they looked remarkably alert. “Nuh…” It was a sound, not a word, but the only thing he could manage to force out of his mouth. “Sshh.” Axel stroked his right shoulder, a calming gesture. “Your body seems to have a mind of its own,” Sela said, leaning over the same shoulder. Her voice sounded just short of a giggle. “How…” Snake managed to ask though he wasn’t sure of the question. Axel shrugged. “I said let us make love to you. Your body seems just fine with that idea.”
146
Sharon Maria Bidwell
Snake swallowed. “Yeah,” he muttered. He swallowed again, trying to fight his way out of the bliss worming its way through his veins, though he wasn’t sure why. Axel dipped his head, closing the distance between their faces. “Do you want us to back off, or do you want us both?” Some part of his mind said he should keep a clear head, but his body didn’t want him to. Sela must have seen something in his expression for she stroked his face. “What is it? What’s wrong?” “This…” Snake fought to form the thought, get the words out. “This feels so good.” Axel’s forehead tightened in a slight frown. “What’s wrong with that?” “Feels…like…I might die…of bliss.” Axel barked out a laugh. “Would that be so bad?” He leaned in. “I don’t think you have anything to fear.” Those blue eyes sparkled and shone. “You don’t get off that easy. I intend to drive you to distraction more than once.” Sela played with his ear, licking, nibbling. The circling, squirmy sensation she was creating shouldn’t have stirred his mind quite like this. Snake turned his head, capturing her mouth because he wanted to kiss her, but also because he just needed her to stop scrambling his brain. Even as their tongues danced, Axel whispered in his ear. “Don’t be afraid to fall. We’ll catch you.” The man had him to rights, right there. Snake was falling into the depths of a pleasure he had only heretofore perceived. It had something to do with sex, but so very much to do with his heart, and as much as he wanted this, some part of him feared it. Even so, Snake closed his eyes, let their hands guide him, let them take his body, mind, and heart where they willed, and fell into the smothering effect of his lust finally balancing out with love. Sela rolled on her back, her gaze never leaving Snake and Axel as the two of them kissed. Axel had pulled Snake up onto his knees, and the two of them knelt there, eyes closed, mouths active, both cocks ramrod straight and bumping against each other, occasionally stroking against the other’s thigh. If either of them noticed, they gave no sign. They seemed too intent on devouring each other. Only when they broke the kiss did she notice Axel’s pupils were dilated. She suspected hers looked the same. Despite their claim to being more in control than Snake right now, they both clearly balanced on a knife’s edge. How much of Axel’s feelings had started out in sheer, roaring, throbbing need? Did it matter? She didn’t think Snake’s pheromones controlled their hearts, but the recent risk to her life had brought their need to a raw crescendo. When you came close to losing someone, it often shone a light on what or who was most important in your life. She gazed up at them, her fair angel and her dark serpent, and felt as though she were about to fall from grace. The trouble was, she didn’t have a repentant bone in her body. She wanted to feel alive in skin, lips, and teeth, mouths, hands, and nails.
Cosmic
147
There existed a moment of clarity as Snake came down to her, as his lips met hers in yet another kiss. Their gazes met, his pupils contracted, and they shared a naked honesty in their stare. Snake sought reassurance, and she gave it to him, running a hand over his face, tangling her fingers in his hair, angling his head, and flicking her tongue against his lips so that he opened up to her and not just with his mouth but with his heart. She didn’t know how to explain it, maybe it was Snake’s pheromones, but she could read the moment when he stopped fighting her. He fell into her then, plunging into her mouth and into her sex. She was wet and ready in either case, and somehow, Axel had angled the other man into her perfectly. Snake slid in and didn’t stop until his groin bumped against hers and there was simply none of him left to plunge deeper. The sudden jolt of his rigid length inside her most delicate flesh drew a cry out of her, muffled only because they had yet to break free of the kiss. Snake began to ride, to plough into her, and his rhythm forced her to break free of his mouth. She looked over Snake’s writhing back long enough to know that as the alien pulled back, he rode Axel’s fingers, harder and faster, deeper. Every stroke of those knowing hands carried through Snake’s body into hers. Snake shivered, and she trembled beneath. Snake hissed, and she gasped, struggling to remember how to breathe. Then, finally, Axel grabbed Snake’s hip, just hard enough, just long enough, to allow him to sink his cock to the hilt. Then the two of them were moving, fucking, sliding, pressing down on her, and the weight was too much and not enough. She wanted them to crush her under their combined weight. Each brush of their bodies, each plunge teased her to the brink, then let her sink, just enough to keep her from tipping over the edge. It wouldn’t last. Her body had too many needs. She never wanted it to stop, but she wouldn’t be able to stand it if it didn’t end soon. Whatever scent markers Snake produced floated invisibly towards the ceiling, cocooning them, joining them, so that sensation rode over sensation. She could feel what they all felt, how each stroke of their flesh echoed in their hearts, how it coaxed their bodies and their minds. Axel’s startled gaze met hers, and she could see he felt the same thing. Perspicacity struck home on the instant; Axel had never attained this level before while he was alone with Snake. She didn’t know why, but suddenly the three of them together made perfect sense. She had time to hear Snake whisper one word, “Mine,” and then she screamed, soundless, the cry unable to pass through her throat. She drowned, choking, suffocating on the need for air. At the same time, her body gave itself over to delicious contraction upon contraction, and her spirit floated free of every hurt, every tie to her life but that of the two men riding out the storm with her. “Mine,” Snake whispered in Sela’s ear, and she shattered, throwing her head back, her body tightening and pulsing, squeezing down on his. It threatened to take him with her, but he held back from the brink. As lost to the bliss as he was, this moment was his. He squeezed Axel just as the man stroked forward, sinking into the dark depths of his body, and with that
148
Sharon Maria Bidwell
one squeeze, Snake brought him. He brought Axel, even as Sela’s body continued to spasm beneath him, wave after wave feeding the next. Soon the tide that pounded her sex would turn to pain, but he couldn’t afford to stop just yet. Snake rolled his hips just enough to cause his orgasm to flare to life again, and this time he did nothing to stop it.
Mine! Snake let the word burn brightly in his mind. He drenched the two people with him in his scent, let them know he had claimed them. It wouldn’t or shouldn’t work the way it did with another of his race, but something at least fell partly into place. His kind called it bonding, but Sela and Axel didn’t have the pheromones to give back. Still, as Axel fell limp against his back, he heard the man gasp out, “What did you do?” He couldn’t answer, not yet. Not because he didn’t want to, but because he lacked the strength to speak. He licked the first of Sela’s tears away, amazed to see them, delighted to taste the salty tang. Many cried after bonding. Although this hadn’t been a full bonding, he couldn’t help feeling joy to see Sela cry. Even more amazing, turning his head revealed the sight of Axel’s eyes also wet with tears. He touched the other man’s face, feeling guilt for the first time. “Forgive me,” he whispered, distress making him face reality. So caught up in what they were doing, he hadn’t stopped to think, hadn’t been able to think whether they would want this. Axel shook his head. “Whatever you did, it’s fine. I feel fine. I’m okay with it, just…” He stopped, swallowed, and then shook his head. “Explain later,” Axel mumbled, leaning into Snake’s embrace. The man’s weight increased as Axel slid around him, falling onto the bed. Snake collapsed, his body giving out, so that he lay spread over the other two who lay with him. Neither of them seemed to care, and Snake couldn’t move. His last thought before he fell asleep was how beautiful the two of them looked and that they were unequivocally his.
Cosmic
149
Chapter Twenty-four “I think that’s the last one.” Sela checked the list once again, nodding. “Get this lot stored and we won’t starve for the next six months.” Snake made a disgruntled sound. Smiling, Sela edged over to him, and placed a hand on his backside to get his attention. Instantly enthralled with how firm it felt, inwardly she sighed. The two men in her life were so distracting even though she welcomed such obvious diversions. As he tilted his head towards her, she stood on tiptoe and pressed her mouth against his. All too soon, they were kissing, tongues flickering. Sela was the one who turned away with a groan, slapping his backside as she did. “Hey, you started it,” Snake chided. “I know I did. I was going to say the sooner you sort out this mess, the sooner we can be on our way and the sooner we can…” She raised her shoulders in an exaggerated shrug and waggled her eyebrows at him. Before that, they needed to pick up Axel, get underway, and then they could all lie in a tangled heap. They’d dropped Axel off earlier on the most important mission of all: to obtain parts to repair the water filtration system on board ship. Food was useless if they couldn’t fix the unit that condensed and recycled their water supply. The plans Axel and Snake had “acquired” so long ago were a blessing, but the unit still required maintenance and, on occasion, spare parts to effect those repairs. “We nearly done?” Meliora asked, popping her head into the loading bay. “As soon as we shift these two loads from here to the stores.” That little chore shouldn’t take more than half an hour. “Only Asta’s not back yet.” Inwardly, Sela groaned. When Asta had finally chosen Sela’s life over Marshall’s, Sela had held out high hopes for the woman, but Asta all too easily regressed to her old patterns of behaviour. The problems began again when, months ago, they heard Marshall had in fact
150
Sharon Maria Bidwell
escaped captivity, and was leading the equivalent of a small army. In many ways, Sela was glad. She didn’t want to be responsible, even indirectly, for his death. Also, the man had clearly suffered a breakdown. She hoped he was over it for the sake of the troops he led, but if that was so -- and reports seemed to confirm it was -- then the man was finally leading the regiment he wanted instead of a ragtag bunch of drifters, and he had dealt the Coalition some severe blows. The trouble was that Asta wanted to go to him. Obviously, Marshall hadn’t slapped any sense into her when he hit hard enough to leave bruises. The woman still loved him, however misplaced that love might be. Asta might well have gone to him, if they had any idea where he was, even though Asta feared he would kill her on sight for betraying him. Sela had tried to point out that if Asta hadn’t betrayed him, he would be dead. Handing him over had been the only chance he had of survival. Surrendering him to those that would execute him had oddly saved his life and put him in the position he’d always wanted. Life was just funny like that sometimes. Some called it fate. “Shall I go look for her?” Meliora asked. Sela hesitated and then shook her head. “It’s fine. I’ll go. Just…” Again, she hesitated. The dubious desire to kiss Axel before she left nagged at her, but she shook it off. He wasn’t here, so there was no use wishing for the impossible. She suddenly felt jumpy, though, and that naturally made her angry. She resented Asta for causing this situation. She wanted to be on their way, pick up Axel, and leave the sector. They’d been in dock for two days negotiating supplies, falling asleep at night too exhausted for anything else. Maybe her anxiety was uncalled for; maybe she just needed to get laid. The mere thought irritated her. She must feel more tired than she realised. What she shared with Axel and Snake wasn’t just sex. Sometimes, it was easier to think that way, but it was so much more than that. The three of them were in love and nothing was going to change it. If anything happened to either of the two men, it would break her heart. They’d been in dock too long and worked too hard. That accounted for her unease, but Sela begrudged having to go in search of Asta. She was even slightly tempted to leave her behind. “I won’t be gone long,” she finished saying. Meliora nodded and left the room. Sela checked her weapon. She didn’t expect trouble, but she always made certain. “You want me to come?” “No. Asta’s likely drowning her sorrows. Like I said, I won’t be long.” “Maybe we should leave her.” Snake flushed when Sela looked at him in surprise, though he couldn’t know he echoed her thoughts. “I mean only she can change her life for the better. She’s in charge of her own destiny.” Sela laughed. “I don’t believe in fate, tempting it or otherwise.” “Not even where we’re concerned?” He opened his eyes a little more so that his emerald gaze flashed at her, and he even swayed his hips. She groaned aloud as she resolutely turned away. “I’m losing my touch if I can’t entice you,” he called after her.
Cosmic
151
“No, you’re not,” she said on a sigh, turning to face him. “Trust me.” She let him see in her eyes the desire she could feel crawling through her belly. Something else, something she could only describe as love, tightened her throat. “It’s just the sooner I get back, the sooner we’re on our way and the sooner…” “Yeah, yeah, yeah. I get it.” Snake’s voice dropped an octave; the warm, slithering sound of his voice slunk over her. Quickly, she blew him a kiss and activated the materialiser. She needed to get on with the job of finding Asta, or she’d give in to Snake’s obvious desire, and they’d never get off this forsaken rock.
***** Sela spotted the small blonde woman sitting at the bar, staring morosely into her glass. It looked half-full, though from Asta’s point of view, the glass probably looked half-empty. Several other empty vessels littered the bar. Sela shook her head, swept her gaze over the room, and then sauntered calmly towards the woman. The establishment looked typical of its type. A few men ranging from stringy to heavyset lounged throughout the room. Mostly, they sat alone, certainly in no more than twos or threes. They all looked as though they needed a wash. So did Asta, for that matter. Sela suddenly felt too clean, though the idea of being as filthy as the other inhabitants of the room made her skin crawl. She got within a foot of Asta before the woman lurched, apparently trying to grab for her weapon. Sela seized hold of her before she fell off the stool. Only then did it occur to Sela how odd it was for a woman to sit in one of these bars alone, unmolested, unless she carried an air of confidence. Asta carried an air of… Sela turned her head. What was that? Stale sweat? Vomit? Sour booze? They’d attracted a few interested stares. She didn’t have time to waste. “Come on, Asta,” she said, trying to sound friendly yet keeping her voice low. “Let’s get you home.” “Home?” The other woman giggled, reeling from the stool. With a shove that almost sent the woman tumbling off the other side, Sela pushed her back onto the seat. Asta continued to laugh, though, and a quick glance told Sela they were drawing far too much attention. All she needed was to have to shoot her way out of the bar. The planet, Mansk, was a port best avoided but handy for supplies in a pinch, if you could pay over the odds. She didn’t want them banned or, worse, anyone lying in wait for them on their next visit. “I don’t have a home.” Asta mumbled, her head rolling forward and her back slumping as her body sunk toward the bar.
Shit! This was all she needed to deal with. Sela didn’t want anyone on the planet knowing they had materialiser technology. She needed to carry Asta out of the room and find some dark alley to get the woman off-world. Having no choice, Sela grabbed Asta’s arm and looped it around her neck, hauling the other woman to her feet. She was still mumbling
152
Sharon Maria Bidwell
things such as “No home, no family, no man to love.” On the ship, they would seriously have to dry her out and do their best to keep her away from the grog. Sela wasn’t going to endanger another member of the crew for Asta’s sake. “Where you taking the pretty lady?” one man asked, a scarred hand reaching out, brushing Sela’s hip as they passed. She glanced down and rather wished she hadn’t as she saw untrimmed nails black with dirt. She didn’t even look to the man’s face, which she instinctively sensed would be worse. Besides, avoiding eye contact was best. Asta inexplicably gained weight as they made their way down the corridor leading from the club to the main door. Sela swore softly, but loud enough for Asta to hear. She jolted the other woman to her feet once more. “Damn it, Asta, come on. Help me.” Was the corridor dark enough to dematerialise out of here? Sela wanted to risk it but didn’t quite dare, not without looking over her shoulder to check first, and she wasn’t sure that was wise. It might cause someone to trail after them, the one thing she wanted to avoid. “Asta, get the door.” Few electronic devices existed on Mansk, and the door was just a flimsy wooden board in a loose frame. Still, it needed someone to open it. Sela might have the technology on her to beam off the planet, but she couldn’t walk through the wall. The other woman didn’t seem to understand her, though that came as no surprise. Sela had asked in vain hope, anyway. She muttered something unladylike under her breath, propped Asta between her hip and the wall, and with her one free hand reached to open the door. The fact that a man wearing a Coalition uniform waited on the other side took her completely by surprise.
***** Sela touched the back of her hand to her mouth. When she brought her hand away, she expected to see blood and wasn’t disappointed. She looked across to the other woman, who had slumped to the floor. A Coalition guard was already divesting Asta of her weapons. Weapons, plural. Asta had shoved Sela, just as the guard swung his blow. Even letting go, having to untangle her limbs from Asta meant Sela had no chance. Still, instinct made her reach for her weapon and the encoder on her belt. Both were gone. Asta had grabbed for them just as Sela shoved her aside. Her reasons were a mystery for now, though somehow Sela doubted Asta intended to fight. Whatever her reasons, maybe the woman wasn’t as drunk as she seemed, but she was drunk enough. Even now, her head rolled, her eyes closed, and she slumped against the wall. “Get up or we shoot you where you sit.” Sela didn’t know the truth of that, but she didn’t relish being shot or someone dragging her through the dirt. She stood up. Her head thumped. She sensed a dark wave rolling in for the second time, and only then did she realise she might have lost a few seconds or minutes somewhere. She was so sick of people hitting her in the head.
Cosmic
153
When the guard ordered her to walk, she walked. Two guards grabbed Asta by one arm each and pulled the woman along. The earth on Mansk consisted of soil compacted with sharp stones. You needed sturdy boots to walk on the ground. Asta’s legs dragged in the dirt. Sela tried to feel sorry for her, but couldn’t quite manage it.
***** She’d told Snake she wouldn’t be long. At least two hours had passed. Her head felt better at least. They put her through a medical scan, which was standard procedure before taking a prisoner on board a spacecraft or into a detention facility. The scan revealed whether a captive carried booby traps or infectious diseases. Apparently the only thing she suffered from was the bruise to her temple, and they’d treated her for that. As though vicepresident Daymer Mar could read her thoughts, the woman said, “Your…crew” -- she hesitated over the word -- “already search for you. Though two people are hardly a crew, are they?” That told Sela more than she cared to know. She gave Daymer her blank face, but the woman was no fool and the others wouldn’t find her here on a Coalition ship currently in dry dock. Even if they did, they couldn’t rescue her. It would be suicide. The mention of only two people also meant Daymer knew one of their party was missing, and Sela could guess that Daymer knew Axel was the one absent from the ship. From her position lying on the floor, Asta moaned as though she was coming around. Thin trickles of blood marred the fabric of her clothes from the knees down. They’d scanned Asta too, but hadn’t bothered to treat her wounds or the alcohol poisoning. Daymer paid the other woman no mind. “You’re supposed to ask what I want,” Daymer said. Sela shrugged, and the woman laughed. Her laughter tinkled, seemed fitting with the crystalline contents of the room. Everything was made of some clear material. The goblet the woman drank from consisted of finely cut crystal: expensive, rare, and exquisite. The walls and floor shone white, and the fabrics were pale and fluffy as though they tried to imitate snow. Daymer sat in dark clothes, actually being the only dark thing in the room, aside from Sela. Daymer toyed with her goblet. “I want Axel,” she told Sela. “I know he’s not on board your ship, which is the only reason I haven’t taken it. I don’t care for anyone else on board, but you… Now, you, I could hand over to your father and ask for quite a few favours in return. But there’s only one thing I want more than you and that’s Axel.” Inwardly, Sela rather wished she didn’t know why Daymer had such a hard-on for Axel. Literally, maybe. There were rumours that Daymer wasn’t entirely female, but Sela had no way of knowing if the stories were true. Whatever sexuality Daymer was, she’d had children some years ago. To her surprise, Daymer gave her a reason so far from the truth, Sela had to wonder if the woman simply couldn’t face reality. “He blew up a certain…mansion of mine.”
154
Sharon Maria Bidwell
Sela stifled a laugh. The White Tower; she had heard about that. There was no other building like it. The building was Daymer’s reward for services to the state and someone destroyed it a week after she acquired it. Daymer barely escaped with her life. So that had been Axel. It wasn’t the entire reason that Daymer wanted him, though. “You can stare blankly all you like. I don’t need to see your amusement to be aware of it. He also…interfered with certain members of my family prior to that.” At least that was a statement based on fact; Daymer’s disclosure confirmed what Sela had read in Axel’s file. “I’ve been after Axel for several years over these incidents, and I mean to make him pay.” “You have me,” Sela told her. “Be grateful for it. You’ll not get anything else.” “Oh, but I will.” Daymer’s dark eyes twinkled. The woman’s eyes were so black they seemed to swallow light itself. “Once I explain why, you’ll understand very well.” Asta groaned once more, rolled, and tried to sit up. She gave a little cry as she saw her legs. No doubt the alcohol numbed things, but injuries hurt more the moment you became aware of them. Daymer looked from the woman back to Sela. “Wondering why she betrayed you? You should never let anyone get that close.” Sela wanted to agree but couldn’t equate the feeling to Snake or Axel. She loved them both. Alas, Daymer seemed to know she cared for Axel. Sela just couldn’t figure out why Asta had told Daymer so. It didn’t appear as if Asta had told Daymer about Snake, though. Despite wondering why, Sela could at least be grateful for that small mercy. As long as Daymer didn’t know of her involvement with Snake, he was likely safe. “Where’s Marshall?” Asta moaned out the question, holding her head in one hand while trying to push up from the floor with the other. She failed, flopping like a fish. For the first time, Daymer gave the woman her full attention, clearly amused. “Ah…yes. Our agreement.” “You promised.” “Indeed, I did. I said I would tell you where he is.”
Stupid, foolish woman. You didn’t make agreements with Daymer. You just didn’t, not if you could avoid it, and even if you couldn’t, you had to be very careful with the wording. Strangely, the woman often kept her word, but you had to be certain to what she agreed. Slippery as an eel, in this instance, applied. “I can do better than that. I can take you to him.” Sela couldn’t help it. Her gaze shot up, and she looked right into Daymer’s eyes. The woman was smiling, and that didn’t bode well. Vice-president Daymer Mar rose out of her seat, swept around the table, the long trail of her shimmering cloak sweeping out in her wake. Sela stood to follow the beckoning finger while two guards hoisted Asta to her feet and shoved her along. When they eventually reached the area to which Daymer led them, Sela felt no surprise to see Marshall’s head vividly displayed in the centre of the room. She kept her gaze
Cosmic
155
fixed that way, having no desire to see the other trophies that decorated the walls. Asta let out a cry. The woman fell to her knees, crying out once more, probably from the many cuts on her legs. “You said. You said!” Asta made those words accusation enough. “I said I would tell you where he was.” “We heard he was doing well…” Sela began, needing to say something to break up the sound of Asta’s wailing. “You heard propaganda!” Daymer snapped. “Lies propagated by the rebels to make people believe they had actually breached Coalition defences.” Sela hid her smile. The anger in Daymer’s voice betrayed her. Sela had no idea of the events that had finally led to Marshall’s downfall, but he had struck the enemy a severe blow before he died. The Coalition was at its weakest. It would take many more lives, but for the first time ever, she could see their defeat looming within a decade. Daymer stared at the woman who pressed her hands and face to the case containing Marshall’s preserved remains. “Let’s leave this woman alone with her lover,” she said. “You and I have things to discuss.” Sela vowed she would not give up Axel. Daymer didn’t seem interested in anyone else she cared for, and she couldn’t think of anything else the woman could use against her except the threat of pain or death. Those things were bad enough, but she would do her best to hold out against torture. Alas, Daymer could be more subtle than that, and if the woman had reason to believe so firmly that Sela would give Axel up, then Sela feared she just might.
PART THREE
Cosmic
157
Chapter Twenty-five Three years later… Axel hefted another block into place. He grunted with the effort, but otherwise hid the physical and emotional pain the work cost him. He’d spent two years in a prison cell before deportation to the harshest concentration camp governed by the Coalition. Maybe Daymer Mar had grown tired of taunting him for she turned up only intermittently now, but he had no way to know when her visits would begin again. Daymer had very personal reasons for wanting to keep him alive. Daymer had wanted to capture Axel for a long time. He had personally embarrassed her, setting free several hundred convicted prisoners held directly under her authority, men and women who were mostly innocent of their accused crimes, and then blowing up that precious mansion of hers. That was one insult too many, apparently, not to disregard the fact that she blamed him for the death of her not so precious daughter. Precious indeed, or so Axel had believed until he met Sela, and look where that had led him. Early in his captivity, Daymer had come to his cell every day, sometimes to verbally abuse, sometimes just to look. Often she simply wished to remind him of the woman who had led him to this fate: Sela. He should have given up on women altogether. He’d loved Jacinda Mar. The two of them had tried to run away together. Under orders, Daymer had executed her daughter as an example, laying the blame upon Axel. Ironically, Hiam Von Castellan would expect nothing less of the vice president; just as he had been prepared to execute his daughter as an example, so he expected the same sacrifice of Daymer Mar. Given the choice of stepping down from her position or killing her daughter, Daymer had made a quick decision, laying her guilt -- if the woman was capable of feeling any -- at Axel’s feet. So there would be no easy death for Axel; Daymer wanted him to spend the rest of his life a slave.
158
Sharon Maria Bidwell
“At least this work has built you up some,” Foster remarked. Of all the prisoners Axel could have had as a cellmate, he couldn’t do better than Foster. The big man was amiable and loyal. The remark was true enough. Well-built but more lean than muscular, Axel had used skill when fighting more burly men. One could hardly refer to the food here as cuisine, but it contained enough vitamins, minerals, and protein to nourish. Workers weak from starvation did not work well, after all. “I should be using my brain, not brawn,” Axel complained in a rare moment when he chose to communicate at all. “I have a mind that is going to waste.” “A mind filled with revenge.” Foster’s voice sounded reproachful enough without the accompanying look of disapproval. Foster took hold of another boulder, and Axel moved to help him. They were clearing an area for an installation on a planet recently taken under the Coalition’s wing. Axel and Foster had arrived on a transport only yesterday. They could expect to spend at least a week in the temporary detention centre. When work on the site finished, a flyer would return to transport the detainees back to the planet that housed the main concentration camp. Even this excursion offered these prisoners little in the way of hope. Axel made no reply regarding his feelings of vengeance; no doubt, his expression said it all. The way he examined his ragged fingernails during a short break said even more, if Axel could judge anything in the other man’s eyes.
***** Sela’s face tightened in a grimace. She flexed her fingers, wincing as she did. “It’s so hard to control,” she grumbled. That had to be an understatement. Snake’s stomach clenched, but he made no outward sign of his discomfort. He hated that she had to go through this. She knew that and his whinging about it wouldn’t help. His complaining would only remind them both of how miserable they felt. “Well, you must control it, or you’ll bring down the entire building. There won’t be anyone left to rescue.” Tait never bothered hiding his irritation. “Are you sure this wasn’t a mistake?” Despite his resolve, the grievance slipped from his mouth before Snake could stop it. “Will you please stop questioning? One of us had to make the decision and you know that I more than anyone had a reason to take the risk. It’s been six months, and I feel fine. The problem is controlling it.” Sela turned towards him, grinning. “You have to agree, I am getting better.” He couldn’t deny that. The first time Sela had used the weapon in the field, she had nearly killed the person she was out to rescue. Snake had watched her beat herself up over that for weeks, though no one else blamed her for the incident. Even direct gratitude from
Cosmic
159
the escapee had done little to calm her. Snake understood why. Every day that Axel remained in Coalition custody ate into her gut, the same way it ate into his. Thankfully, they could easily cure ulcers these days; he’d received treatment for two in the last three years. “When do we go?” Sela asked, breaking into his thoughts. “It’s tomorrow or nothing,” Tait replied. “More troops are due to arrive the day after and then the planet will be so well guarded, it will only make our plan ill-advised. In a week, they’ll be on their way back to the main facility and we’ll have lost our opening. Rescue will then be out of the question. While I am as ready as you to free the prisoners, I do not intend to unnecessarily risk my life and the loss of such a weapon just for the privilege.” “That’s a little harsh,” Snake piped up, his voice becoming uncertain and weak towards the end of his short objection. He shared an uneasy affiliation with Tait, or rather Tait put up with him because Sela wouldn’t have it any other way. Then again, Tait didn’t seem to like anyone much. The other man turned to stare at him. “We can do far more with this technology than save the life of a few workers, and we all know why we’re facing this mission, the truth behind the lie.” Tait turned his head back towards Sela. “It is to save one man, but if we save the lives of others in the bargain, all is well. Otherwise, you do know that I would not be going. I would not allow this.” Sela gave a quick, sharp nod. “And you have my thanks and devotion for it.” Either Tait failed to hear what she didn’t say aloud, or he chose to ignore it. Snake was very aware that Sela would be going no matter what Tait had to say on the matter. The man seemed to study her for a moment. “You have risked much for this, and in turn, you have aided our cause. I can do this much for you.” He turned on his heel and left the room. Snake sighed heavily. “I thought I was about to face a court-martial for being insubordinate.” “He’s a good man. A bit melodramatic at times, but a good man. He doesn’t have to do this for me.” “Not that he could stop you,” Snake couldn’t resist adding. It took a moment, but finally a smile broke out on Sela’s face. “Still, it’s not as if you’ve told him everything.” They stared at each other for a moment. “No. How could I?” Sela sounded resigned. Her eyes took on that glazed, staring appearance of someone trying not to cry. Snake wanted to cross the room to her, to take her in his arms and comfort her, but he resisted doing that. It would make them both cry, and they had cried enough. They couldn’t afford to set each other off now, at such an important time. To his surprise, she mentioned the one thing he hadn’t expected her to discuss. “He’ll never forgive me, Snake. I’m rescuing a man who’s more likely to try to kill me rather than thank me. How can I even begin to ask his forgiveness?” “Once he understands…”
160
Sharon Maria Bidwell
“Maybe, but I’m afraid he won’t give me the chance for explanations. Axel will kill me on sight if he gets the chance.” “Don’t do this to yourself.” Even as Snake spoke, Sela was turning away, her face tightening in that way that always preceded tears. Sure enough, when he caught up to her entering the door of her quarters, her face was already wet. Sometimes she would let him comfort her. Sometimes she would push him away. Giving in to temptation at last, he reached out tentatively, not knowing which would be the case. He almost breathed a sigh of relief when she allowed him to take her in his arms. Slowly, he guided her toward the bed. They sat side by side, Sela leaning her head against his shoulder while she cried. She didn’t often give way to tears but now, they were so close to rescuing Axel that he could understand why. “It’s been so long, Snake. He’ll have given up hope.” “Hope maybe,” Snake replied, “but he’ll never give in.” He could feel her trembling under his fingertips. He sought out her lips, tasting her tears, savouring the salt-laden flavour. The licks turned to a kiss and the kisses to soft sighs. When he lay Sela back on the bed, she offered no resistance. She closed her eyes, and Snake quickly undressed her, shucked his own clothes, and then covered her naked body with his. He knew what she needed for he needed it, too. They could forget for a time in each other’s arms but only for a short while.
***** Axel came awake in confusion. He rolled over, wincing as a man’s early morning erection nudged him in the leg. Thankfully, it was his, although no more welcome. He’d given up on the idea of sex, and even when a cellmate had offered to take care of that for him, he’d demurred. No one had ever tried suggesting he take care of another man’s needs. Funny how the others knew he’d be rather violently disinclined. He really didn’t want a sexual encounter with another man. Snaithen had been the exception. Axel spent as many nights hoping the alien had found a way to escape, wondering over his fate, berating himself for ever getting involved with Snake, and fighting the sick feeling that crept through him over the idea that Snake might have been involved with Sela’s betrayal. That notion he couldn’t stomach. The very idea made him want to cut his wrists, so he preferred to dream of Snake as an innocent party. If he dreamed, he tried to dream of Snake. Dreams of Sela brought too much heartache. Sex he could happily exist without, but his anatomy had other ideas, and Axel pushed his rigid reminder out of the way, even as he rolled to sit up. He’d only just righted himself when the ground gave an almighty tremble. Foster scrambled off his bunk. “What the hell was that?” He looked up, his voice sounding fearful. Axel couldn’t blame him. The building shook, and the sound of a crisp crack drew their attention to the ceiling. He didn’t fancy being buried alive or squashed like a bug, though there were worse ways to die.
Cosmic
161
Before he could open his mouth or even speculate as to a cause, the door of their cell slid open. A man leaned in the doorway. “If you want to live,” he told them, “follow me.” Axel was aware of Foster looking at him in question, but he was already moving. The man at the door hesitated just long enough to release the tracker around Axel’s ankle and then Foster’s, before he hurried on. Evidently, the man had more prisoners to release. “Who do you think they are, Axel?” Foster asked. Axel glanced at the other man. “Who cares?” he replied, and joined the stream of people fighting their way out.
***** “You’ve done your part, now go!” Tait shouted. Sela shook her head. “I have to know he got out with the others.” “If he did, he’ll be here shortly. I don’t want anything happening to you.” “Anything happening to the weapon, more like.” Tait glared at her. His blue eyes glinted, but they looked nothing like Axel’s. No one had blue eyes like Axel. “Yes, that’s probably true. Until the duplicate is up and running, I’m not risking the future of the human race because you’re lovesick over some computer nerd. Get back, or so help me, I’ll shoot you in the leg and carry you back myself!” Sela turned immediately, biting back the argument, clamping down on her emotions. She retraced her steps, only this time treading over broken masonry and the unfortunate dead. When Tait moved out of sight, she stopped. The noise of the battle grew muffled by distance as it moved farther into the complex. Alone, what she heard mostly was the predominant sound of her ragged breathing. She flexed her hand once again, the artificial tendons implanted in her arm moving as part of her. Zeus was part of her now, would be for the rest of her life most likely. For the moment, she was a walking oddity -- something some would consider a freak -- but for the sake of the rebellion, soon there would be many more like her…and then what did the future hold for the universe?
***** “Axel? Is there someone called Axel here?” Axel looked up, but his companion spoke for him. “Who wants to know?” The brown-clad man, who looked little better than a Coalition guard, turned towards the voice. He studied the large man, Foster. These men had told them they were now free, but there was also talk of their being suited up, trained to join rank with this army. Probably the most sensible course of action, but one could hardly call it freedom when given no choice. Axel fought a sneer.
162
Sharon Maria Bidwell
“Someone called Sela wants to know. She’s the one responsible for your freedom.” Foster glanced at Axel, but he ignored him. Calmly, feeling surprisingly numb, he rose to his feet. “I’m the one she’s looking for,” he said. What he didn’t say was that he’d been waiting to see her for a very long time.
Cosmic
163
Chapter Twenty-six She stood up, sat down, and hugged herself then stood up again. Just a few minutes ago, Sela received the message they had found Axel and he was on his way. Where was Snake? She needed him here. No. Maybe not. Maybe it wouldn’t be a good thing for Axel to see them both at once. She didn’t know if Snake’s presence would calm the situation or escalate it. She moved to sit again, saw a couple of people glance her way, and forced herself to remain standing. It took more resolve to quit hugging herself, though. Surprise, hope, longing, all of these things and more assaulted her, but most of all, when she tried to analyse her feelings, she realised she felt sick with fear. A scrape of boots announced their approach just before Axel and Tait turned into the room. At once, they both stopped, Tait in that straight-backed fashion that proclaimed he was on duty. He would have saluted if she let him. Axel just stood there, gazing at her. At first, she couldn’t take it in that he was actually here. Then she allowed her gaze to wander. He looked surprisingly healthy, though in need of a shave. No wonder he’d received good care; Daymer wanted to torture him, and for someone who hated captivity as much as Axel did, there was no better way to torment him than to guarantee him a lifetime of incarceration. Sela could remember him vowing more than once he’d rather die than ever be taken to a Coalition prison again, and she understood. Even if you weren’t one of those undergoing torture it could be enough of a torment just to hear the atrocities going on around you, never knowing when you might be next, or if it could be someone that you knew. She didn’t know how he had survived it this time, but she let these thoughts run through her mind as a distraction. Now that he was finally here, she didn’t know what to say to him. “Axel,” she murmured, her voice emerging small, weightless, bereft. It broke the ice. Tension appeared to ease out of him.
164
Sharon Maria Bidwell
“Sela,” he replied, and his voice was so warm, so welcoming. They both stepped forward, closing the distance, both apparently hesitant. Did Axel feel as uncertain as she did? She had planned for this moment for so long; she had lived too long in hope of it. Now, she didn’t know what to do, felt too afraid to trust that the thing she had dreamed of for so many years was real this time. She wanted to bury her head against his shoulder and burrow into his warmth. She took the last few steps towards him, and his arms reached out for her. His expression changed at the last possible moment, and Axel lunged. A gasp escaped her throat even as his hands closed over it, fingers digging into the soft tissue beneath as he dragged her down to the floor. The pain was instant and overwhelming. Her throat closed, pressure squeezing it down to a narrow passage too small to suck in air, making her head feel too large by comparison. Her hands fluttered aimlessly against him. The pressure eased just enough for her to draw in a ragged, gurgling gasp when the barrel of a weapon tapped Axel on the side of his head. “Back off, chum. Back off before I blow your brains out.” Tait sounded very decided about that. She looked past Axel to Tait’s face. He could have struck Axel a resounding blow instead of implying the threat. Even now, his eyes sought her permission to do so. He clearly only held back because he knew their history. That same history was probably why he looked confused right now. Tait believed they were on a mission to rescue her lover. He had no reason to know why Axel was acting in a less than loving manner towards his rescuer. Still, Tait would hurt Axel, even kill him, to save her. “You can’t shoot me from this distance without hurting the girl.” Axel continued to apply considerable pressure to her throat. Her head started pounding. Sela tried to tell Tait with her eyes, “No, don’t hurt him.” He seemed to get the message, hesitating, a disgruntled expression making his face grow dark. “Sela,” he hissed. “What’s the matter with you? Stop him. You know you can stop him.” She could, and she would, if it came to that, but she wanted Axel to ease off voluntarily. She was prepared to give him another minute. When she remained unresponsive, Tait spoke for her. “Friend, you won’t get out of here alive.” Tait pressed his point, digging the weapon into Axel’s cheekbone. “And if she doesn’t do something about you in a minute, then I will.” She could feel Axel’s uncertainty in his grip, but she could also feel his desire to crush her windpipe. Maybe he could even do it too, before she or Tait could stop him. None of them had an element of surprise with which to work. “Axel, get off her.” The voice that broke in caught everyone’s attention. Sela blinked, momentarily distracted from the pounding in her head and the horrible pressure in her throat radiating out into her face. Axel’s gaze lifted towards the sound of the voice. “Sn-Snake…” He sounded unsure, as though he wasn’t certain he should use the name.
Cosmic
165
“It’s fine, Axel. They all know me as Snake here. They know what I am.” “You’re with her?” The words whispered out of Axel’s mouth, and she didn’t think he’d intended to say them aloud. The pressure on her throat eased. His grip grew slack, though maybe from shock. Whatever the reason, Sela fought to draw in a slow, steady breath, rather than gasp in oxygen, as she wanted to. She didn’t want to draw his attention back to her. Tilting her gaze backwards, Snaithen came into view. From her position, she stared at him upside down. He didn’t look at her, just stared at Axel’s face. “I’m with her.” He nodded. “Just not in the way you’re thinking. You’ve got to listen to her…” Whatever else Snake was about to say, and whether he might have convinced Axel, was lost to the ether. Another voice broke into the tableau, sounding frightened and uncertain. “Mummy?” Axel’s eyes shifted, and Sela flicked her gaze in the direction of the voice. No mother could deny the cry of her child. Axel’s hands lost their grip completely. When Sela rolled out from under him, he let her go. She glanced at his face. His eyes tightened, in what she could only assume was disbelief. His lips parted; he gaped. She could hardly blame him. She went to her child, lifting him into her arms. Axel’s gaze followed the movement. Kissing her son on the side of his head, Sela then turned her face towards the man kneeling on the floor. Snake moved to her other side, but her gaze was all for Axel. She tried to read Axel’s face, but his expression gave her nothing. “Just kill me now,” he said. “Put me out of my misery.” Sela’s heart felt as though it were shattering into a thousand pieces. She had to make him understand. “Axel,” Sela said. “Meet your son.” At first glance, the thought my son flittered through his head, too insubstantial to grasp. The age of the child seemed about right. Then he decided it couldn’t be. As those bright green eyes stared at him in question, he realised his error. This was Snake’s child, but that blond hair and the shape of the face… It started to come together like a puzzle. The child had his hair, his nose, but Snake’s eyes and Sela’s mouth, but that wasn’t possible. He shook his head. “I don’t understand.” The words whispered out sounding defeated. Sela’s gaze shifted towards Snake. “Our son.” “Our” -- Axel shook his head, trying forcefully to clear the fog in his brain -“Whaaat?”
*****
166
Sharon Maria Bidwell
“It’s not possible.” They’d explained the situation, but none of it made sense. A child couldn’t have two fathers. “It’s not possible,” Axel repeated, uncertain if he tried to convince her or himself. “Yeah, well, no one’s ever mated with a mosasaur before. That is…” Sela waved her hand. “Apparently, the three of us managed something quite unique.” She moved a hand to rub at her throat. The movement seemed unconscious on her part. A twinge of guilt threaded through him, but Axel obstinately chased it back. “Don’t be so stubborn,” Snake said, suddenly stepping in front of him. Axel gazed into those sparkling green depths. Snake raised a hand as though to touch him, and it was all Axel could do not to lift his hand towards the other man also. In all the time he’d been incarcerated, aside from thoughts of revenge, happy memories of Snake were the only things that had kept him sane. Still, he pulled back. “Do we have to do this?” Snake asked. Axel frowned in question. “I want to hug you, hold you. I’ve waited for this moment for so long that I can barely stand it, but you won’t let me touch you, will you?” Axel considered it briefly, but then shook his head. No. He preferred no one touch him right now. He’d been so many different people in his life, loving, forgiving, isolated, then letting someone back in under his skin, only to have his love and trust betrayed. Clearly, he didn’t know the whole story, but he couldn’t just let go of three years of hate like that. He wanted to explain why, and even his desire to do so irritated him. Snake’s hand stopped reaching, returned to hang at his side, but the other man refused to move away. Axel became aware of the alien’s presence as though it was a line of heat, but it wasn’t physical, more emotional. Axel flexed his fingers, Snake’s gaze darting to his hands as they moved, telling him that the alien noticed. He suddenly itched to hug Snake, but he couldn’t do it. The small smile tugging at Snake’s mouth made Axel lift his gaze to those green eyes once again. They sparkled back at him, and Snake moved forward, just an inch. Axel shook his head in warning, and Snake became still once more, but the amusement and delight never faded. The alien might as well have screamed, “You’ve lost and I’ve won,” in his face. Silently, Axel prayed Snake wouldn’t touch him. If he did, he’d hug him back, and he wanted to hold onto his anger right now. Snake shook his head. “You and Sela, too much alike. It’s why you both need me in this relationship.” Axel wasn’t even sure they still had a relationship. He’d been preparing to kill Sela on sight for the last three years. “Snake, please,” Sela interrupted. “We need to get the talking out of the way. There’s no looking forward without looking back first. Whatever we decide” -- she looked from Snake’s face to his -- “he needs to hear this.” She paced a little, a sure sign of her discomfort. The gesture both pleased and saddened Axel, and that made his anger easier. Something must have shown in his appearance for
Cosmic
167
Snake’s expression drew into a frown and that in turn brought heat to Axel’s face, and made him look away. Snake’s apparent disapproval shouldn’t affect him like this, but it did. “Can you think of a single reason I would betray you?” Sela’s question took him by surprise. Axel blinked; he was aware his eyes had gone wide, and he only just managed not to gape. He wanted to say that was what he’d come to expect from people, that he should have known not to trust anyone. He wanted to throw numerous examples from his life at her, tell her of all the times people had let him down. All those things would fuel his anger and hurt her, but they wouldn’t be the truth. He’d taken so long to consider his reply that Sela snapped at him. “Come on, Axel! You’re an intelligent man. Figure it out.” “A child.” He had to force the words out, but that one thing he couldn’t deny. A mother, a parent, would betray someone to protect his or her child. He sighed. “I guess I’ll give you a chance to explain, but before you tell me anything else, you can tell me first how I’m supposed to believe he’s mine. Judging by appearances, I would assume he’s Snake’s.” “And if he was? Would you blame me for betraying you to protect Snaithen’s child as I would yours?” Sela sounded genuinely curious. Looking into Snake’s green eyes, he could only answer honestly. “No.” A small smile was his reward. It lifted Snake’s mouth and lit up his eyes. The question in that green gaze remained: When do I get to hold you? Axel gave a small shake of his head. Not yet. Please,
no, don’t touch me yet. I’ll fall apart. “Maybe I should do that part of the explaining,” Snake said. He smiled at Sela, though she failed to smile back, before turning his attention to Axel. “We always thought my race and yours incompatible. No one has ever conceived with one of my kind, but apparently, our situation was rather…unique, as Sela says. My seed and yours together…” Snake shrugged. “I’m not one to study biology, but according to the medics who know, even our sperm can’t get along without the occasional fight. Somehow, we both fertilised a single egg.” Axel was shaking his head. “It’s not possible.” “Not in human procreation, no,” Sela explained. “Somehow, his DNA piggybacked on yours. If the three of us weren’t lovers, I never would have had a child by Snake. We’re technically incompatible. Physically, it’s just not possible. Only because the three of us are lovers did this happen at all.” This was all too much to take in. “The child’s a hybrid.” He hadn’t meant to say that aloud and almost flinched when he saw Sela wince. All this information was too difficult to accept without medical evidence, but Snake and Sela were obviously convinced of it, and as for what he had seen with his own eyes… Sela had asked Tait to look after the boy while they talked, but Axel couldn’t get the vision of the child out of his head. Snake moved closer, and it was all Axel could do not to step back.
168
Sharon Maria Bidwell
“He’s ours, Axel,” Snake said. “He’s our son. All three of us. He’s our child. All three of us are his parents.” “If you don’t believe,” Sela said, “then a simple test will prove it to you. He carries a mix of our DNA, a completely new strand.” He shook his head. “I believe you. But that means he’s not entirely human.” The distraught look on Sela’s face made him want to take that remark back. “I mean, is he all right? Will he develop any problems, later on?” “We don’t think so. He’s been a very healthy child, and we predict he’ll grow strong.” Sela’s statement sounded scientific, very logical about the whole thing. She perched on the edge of the table in front of him. Even before she began to speak, her posture told him what she was about to say. “I had no choice, Axel. Someone… Asta betrayed us to Daymer. She was waiting for us when we went for supplies.” She referred to the day she had disappeared, of course. “She wanted you, but recognised me. Word that you had rescued me from the very clutches of my father had spread, and she knew we were bound to be together. Once she worked out I was pregnant, the rest, as they say, is history.” Sela suppressed a shiver. She could remember Daymer’s voice as clearly as if she was speaking into her ear, saying, “Come now, Sela,” as she circled the chair in which Sela sat captive and chained. “Don’t try to deny it. The medical scan that you underwent reveals all. I
know that you carry that detestable man’s child, and as a woman I know what that must mean to you.” Now, as then, Sela tried to calm her beating heart. She hadn’t even realised she was pregnant. At any other time, she might have felt joyful over the prospect but what a way to find out, from a woman like Daymer. No way was she going to let Daymer know she was the one breaking the news to her. She told Axel as much now. “I laughed and told Daymer I knew very well what she was capable of. I told her not to insult my intelligence by pretending to have a motherly instinct. “She paused,” Sela said. “If the remark disturbed her, she chose not to show it. Then she said that I clearly referred to her daughter’s execution.” Sela hadn’t wanted to think about where the conversation might lead, but she couldn’t remain silent. She could recall the conversation word for word even after all this time. “You mean murder,” Sela had said, refusing to excuse Daymer’s behaviour in any way. “Call it what you will, but do you know why I signed the order to terminate her life?” Daymer replied. “As an example to others. Just as my father would have murdered me.” Sela swallowed down her misery over this simple fact; she had no time to indulge her emotions. “Yes, but do you know why?” Daymer smiled sweetly.
Cosmic
169
Sela hesitated. She did, but she didn’t want to confess to Daymer that she knew. “I heard she was in love with a rebel.” “A rebel. My dear woman, my darling daughter, Jacinda, was in love with none other than your dear Axel. She tried to run away with him.” Sela’s mind flashed back to the file that she had read on Axel’s background and the photograph that had appeared of Jacinda. The girl had looked a lot like her mother. Daymer was many ugly things, but physically she was a very attractive woman. Sela had never discussed Axel’s relationship with Daymer’s daughter. She had told him that she’d read his file and by that assumed he understood she knew everything. They’d left those things in the past. One woman had betrayed Axel; another loved him and died for loving him. Sela didn’t want to betray him or die. She wasn’t sure which of those outcomes Axel would survive. “If you know what I am capable of then you know that I will make good on my threat. Tell me where I can find Axel or you will die. Furthermore, you will die while watching that bastard child die as we rip it from your body. I will make sure that you are kept alive long enough to see the knife go in, and I will make sure that you remain conscious long enough to see your unborn child brought into this world by the hands of a butcher. Do I make myself clear?” Daymer’s voice slid over Sela, as cool and clear as it had ever sounded, like water. No. No one ever doubted Daymer’s word, so Sela had tried bargaining with Daymer, as much as anyone could. She’d asked for guarantees of no harm to her or her child. She’d asked for release on a neutral planet. She asked for promises that no one would kill Axel, would not torture him, and would not harm him physically, in any way. Daymer appeared to consider this. “You know, you’re becoming something of a nuisance. If I can’t do this and I can’t do that, what is in it for me?” “Do you promise me to abide by all these conditions?” “I agree to all your terms, on one condition.” Daymer had leaned across the table, linking her hands. A smug smile lit up her entire face. Sela didn’t trust that look and let Daymer know so in her expression. The woman laughed. “You must know me so well, but you don’t have to worry. I don’t think I would get nearly so much satisfaction out of torturing Axel as merely keeping him in custody. This way I can simply gloat over him anytime I choose. That will give me years of pleasure in itself. To put him in the same cells as the slaves he thought were his to set free, I guess it’s true what they say: what goes around comes around.” “I don’t think that’s quite what that means.” “Still, I could grow tired of it. Let’s see. I will give you five years of Axel unharmed. Five years in custody only, and then I get to do what I like with him, though I rather think I’ll start with pleasure instead of pain. He won’t be prepared for that, and when one replaces the pleasure with pain it has a more disagreeable effect.” Daymer paused. “I won’t await your answer all night.”
170
Sharon Maria Bidwell
Five years. A lot could happen in five years and agreeing to those terms had given Sela a chance to bring Axel out alive. Even so, she’d hesitated. Three years on, Sela could still recall the sight of Daymer leaning forward over the table, her long, thin arms crabbing out to the sides, making the woman appear oddly spider-like. “My dear girl, I have my own reasons for keeping you alive. You are an irritation to your father, and he is an irritation to me. He is the one who ordered that I execute my daughter or lose my position. I did it gladly enough, given the choice, but I wouldn’t have had to do it at all if it wasn’t for your father. If the thought of you still out there alive and stirring up trouble gives him even one sleepless night, it’s been worth it. However, believe me, if you don’t tell me where Axel is, I will plunge the knife into your belly myself. I will tape your screams, and one day, when I do eventually capture your lover, I will play it to him…constantly. Now tell me just where in the universe I can find him!”
***** Axel swallowed. Five years and he’d been incarcerated for three. He didn’t want to think what Daymer had in mind for him once the time was up. “You had no way of knowing if she would keep the bargain.” “No, not entirely, but she has a reputation for keeping her promises, if you have sense enough to be precise.” “What do you mean?” “I mean that she’s gained a lot of power through exchanging favours. If she never kept her word, no one would ever turn to her, offer her the inside information she so often needs.” “There have been cases --” “Yes, I know,” Sela interrupted Axel once again. “For instance, there was a man who made her promise not to harm his wife and children in exchange for the information she sought. She kept her word. She tortured him to death, instead. When I made the bargain with her, I laid down some very specific conditions.” “She still could have killed me.” Sela stood. For the first time, she appeared to be angry. Then she visibly took control of her emotions. “If you can look me in the eye now and tell me you’ll never risk my life to protect our child, that you wouldn’t do all you could to keep us all safe, that you wouldn’t take the lesser evil if necessary, then I may as well ask you to leave now.” She waited until he met her gaze. “I won’t have you near our child if you can’t promise to try to protect him. I don’t expect you to love him in an instant. He’s your son, but you’ve only just found that out, but if you can’t…” She paused, seemingly lost for words, and then continued. “What do you want me to do? What can I say to take back the years you lost? I would have given my life to save you in an instant. I still would. I just couldn’t give up my child.
Cosmic
171
Our child. I thought he was only yours at the time. I didn’t even know I was pregnant. Can you imagine what that was like finding that out from Daymer of all people? They could have made me carry the baby to term in captivity, and I feared that most of all. I didn’t want her able to use the child against me or to have it taken, growing up brainwashed under Daymer’s guardianship. She threatened me with that too.” He could well imagine. “Don’t tell me that Daymer didn’t have a few rules of her own.” “Oh, she made me promise to never attempt to rescue you and never to cross her again.” Axel raised one eyebrow. Sela shrugged. “I’m not Daymer. I didn’t have to keep any promises.” Despite everything, it was all Axel could do not to laugh. The hysteria pulled at his mouth before he could stop it. Snake’s darting glance told him that the alien watched everything passing over his face right now. He returned the stare, but rather than look abashed, Snake just stared back. His gaze darted down to Axel’s mouth and then up, but he refused to look away. “I’m dying to touch you,” Snake whispered, but the sound hissed around the room, making both Axel and Sela visibly shiver from the effect. “Snake.” Sela’s voice held disapproval, but wavered on the end of the word. For the first time, it occurred to Axel that she was having trouble keeping away from him too. As much as he wanted to deny it, his arms were beginning to ache from the strain of wanting to hold them, but Sela hadn’t finished the story. He almost sighed with relief when she started speaking again. It gave him something to concentrate on other than his desire. “Afterwards, I hid away until our child was born. Meliora and Snake did everything they could to protect me. Then I moved from group to group, finding friends and sometimes some enemies, but there were always those that would hide us, protect us.” “What happened to Meliora…and Asta?” If Asta still lived… Axel pushed the thought aside. Look where vengeance got him. “I never heard word of Asta. After Daymer released me, we were too busy fleeing to worry about what had happened to Asta. Meliora stayed with us until she met a man and started a family of her own. She’s on one of free planets right now. One of the planets the people who rescued you helped to set free. You see, when I finally met the right people, those that would listen to us, and help us take care of our son, I put my life back together. I got back on track.” “Back on…” “To find what we had been looking for before we lost our way.” Sela met his gaze, stepped forward, not as close as Snake, but she held her body the same way, as though it contained a tension she could barely contain. It occurred to him they were all standing there the same way, as though they fought to stay in place. “I needed Zeus.”
172
Sharon Maria Bidwell
It took a moment for her words to sink in. When they did, he stared into the warm depths of her eyes before sweeping his gaze over her body. She talked while he did. “I needed a superior weapon. I knew that was the only thing that could free you. I couldn’t risk breaking through the Coalition defences with anything less. I took up the search where we left off, and I didn’t stop looking…until I found what we’d been searching for.” Sela rolled back a sleeve and held up her arm. Beneath her pale skin, a fine web that looked like black veins stood out. “Zeus is no more than an extension of the original. Next to my veins lies a new network of…wires. To be honest, I’m not up on the technical side of the thing. I wish you had been here overseeing the operation but then, of course, I wouldn’t have needed to go through with it.” She laughed, and it sounded a little sad, a little self-deprecating. “As it was going into my body, I really wanted to know as little as possible. “I know that’s unlike me,” Sela added when Axel raised an eyebrow. “It’s just… I didn’t want this.” Her voice broke a little conveying to him more of what she had been through than any of her words. “I’m sure you’ll find it fascinating,” she continued, clearly brushing aside her emotions. “The weapon is a part of me now and, as far as they know, I can never have it removed. Luckily, it doesn’t really show except under the skin of my arms.” “So when Tait told you to stop me, you literally could have.” “Yes.” Sela nodded. “I could have disrupted every cell in your body with a single thought. In fact, my whole being was telling me to do just that. You see, when the host is threatened, the weapon can be difficult to control.” She laughed louder then. “I guess any man who wants to be with me is going to have to understand that.” “It took several painful operations,” Snake said. Sela shot him a glance as if to silence him, but she didn’t deny it. Knowing Sela, as Axel had once believed he did, she would never have done this willingly unless she felt there was no other choice. As to why it was Sela and not Snake who’d undergone the operation, Sela would have insisted it be her, and a commander like Tait wouldn’t have wanted someone as lenient as Snake using such technology. He’d consider it a waste. “You did this…” She had done this for him, to save him, to rescue him. Her betrayal wasn’t a betrayal at all, but just the only thing she could have done to save their child’s life. Axel laughed suddenly. “Fuck…” “What?” Snake and Sela asked in unison. Both displayed an expression of surprise. “It just occurred to me that if all three of us are the child’s parents, then Snake and I had a baby together. Well, sort of.” He looked at the other man. When Snake stopped grinning and started to move towards him, this time Axel didn’t tell him to stop. Snake’s kiss did what he feared it would. No sooner did Snake’s lips touch his than Axel’s legs gave out. He would have hit the floor, hard, had Snake not carried him down. Sela
Cosmic
173
hesitated, but when she edged forward, Axel crushed her to him. She crouched and a strange three-way kiss started that made Axel close his eyes and give himself over. He didn’t know where one of them started or ended, and another began. All he knew was that he shattered in their arms. He fell apart. He cried. He let them kiss and hold him, rock him, and hold him some more, unaware of how much time passed. When he finally opened his eyes, they had already started to put the pieces of his broken heart back together. Still, it was too much, too soon. He shook his head, pulling away. “I can’t. I want to. I understand what happened, why you did what you did. I just…can’t…” He wasn’t even sure what he was saying no to. He wasn’t sure they would understand, but apparently, they did. Sela and Snake sat back. Sela spoke first. “It’s fine. We know. You need time.” “And we know just the place for you to rest,” Snake added. The declaration surprised him, but when Axel looked into those green eyes, Snake’s steadfast gaze restored his faith.
174
Sharon Maria Bidwell
Chapter Twenty-seven “You do understand why she did what she did. I mean, she had no choice, really.” “Snake, do shut up. I’m not an idiot. Of course, I understand.” Axel sat in chair staring across the expanse of perfectly manicured lawn. Heofon was an Earthlike planet. The name came from old variations of the word “heaven”. This planet was certainly that. Nevertheless, he felt so very tired. Part of him almost constantly wanted to sleep, but another part of him felt as though, mentally at least, he’d been sleeping too long. “I should have trusted her. I should have known she had a good reason.” “You did, on some level.” Axel turned his head enough to look at Snake. They’d brought Axel here four weeks ago. That first night when they had finally picked him off the floor, Snake and Sela had said they would take care of him. In fatigue, Axel let them. Bathed, shaved, hair trimmed, teeth brushed, and well fed, the only other thing he needed was to sleep the sleep of the exhausted. They’d left him alone for that. He awoke two days later, aware someone had given him a sedative and that he was no longer on board a spacecraft. Now, the fact that Sela and Snake waited for Axel to convalesce was causing untold arguments between Sela and Tait, but try as he might, Axel couldn’t care. Sela had finally given in and gone on one mission, and the knowledge that she was out there facing danger, even with a powerful weapon at her disposal, had told Axel all he needed to know regarding his feelings. That was the reason for the notebook and the myriad calculations he’d worked on during quiet moments, and there’d been plenty of quiet moments over the last month. “You went where every relationship has led to previously,” Snake continued. “You allowed yourself to believe the betrayal because you needed to, to survive.” “You’ve changed,” Axel said to Snake now. “When did you get so wise?”
Cosmic
175
Snaithen grinned. “I always was, and you knew it. I just didn’t let on that I knew that you knew. Besides, in your absence I needed to be stronger.” His face looked troubled as he said it, and then cleared, became teasing again. “The biggest shock is that I never thought to hear you admit to being wrong, or being surprised for that matter. I mean, I thought no one could astonish you.” “Snake, I am warning you.” Snake reached over and took his hand, laughing. Axel fought his tendency to tense. So far, they shared little intimacy. He managed to maintain the outward appearance of being relaxed. The other man’s fingers toyed with his. “Are you still having the nightmares?” What could he say to that? Axel nodded. “You don’t have to suffer them alone. At least try to spend another night with us.” Axel had tried sharing a bed with Sela and Snake from the very first night on Heofon, but he’d embarrassed himself and frightened Sela by screaming out in his sleep. Snake seemed more able to cope with the fact that Axel had bad dreams. Even so, Axel had asked for his own bed. He couldn’t shake the feeling that he tortured Sela with his dreams, for she blamed herself for his having to suffer them. Only over the last few days since they’d moved into their new home had Snake begun trying to coax him to share the night as a threesome again. “Sela and I have the biggest bed,” Snake said, grinning. “She didn’t want me to tell you just yet, but it’s for when you’re well again.” He tried to offer the alien a smile, but it barely tugged at his lips. Axel wasn’t sure he’d ever be well again. He’d avoided going into Snake and Sela’s bedroom. He had no idea as to what the décor was like. “Axel,” Snake chided, “you won’t heal by avoiding us. Let us help.” When Axel didn’t reply, Snake just sat there, holding his hand. “Foster asked after you again,” Snake said. Before going off with them, Axel had to reassure Foster no one was dragging him away for nefarious purposes. “All the time Sela was working towards your escape,” Foster had said while grinning at Axel. “I told you vengeance clouds your judgement.” Axel hated to admit it, but in this instance, the big man was right. Foster said he’d fight the Coalition because it was right, but not because he owed them payback for taking two years of his life. Axel owed them for three, owed them for keeping the knowledge of his child from him, for making him believe the woman he loved had betrayed him. He owed Daymer. Foster fought alongside Tait and promised to keep an eye on Sela when she was out there in battle. Axel could think of worse people to have guarding the woman he loved. He shook his head. “What’s wrong?” Snake asked.
176
Sharon Maria Bidwell
“I was just wondering would I ever learn. I’ve been plotting revenge against Sela for three years, and now I was thinking how I owe Daymer payback.” “Well, you do. We all do.” “I know, but at what price? Oh, we’ll fight for freedom, but if I make this personal, we’re more likely to lose.” “Daymer made it personal first.” “Only because I’m the only man who’s ever refused her bed, and fell for her daughter instead.” Snake snorted. “You’re joking.” When Axel looked at him with what he was sure was an expression that said he wasn’t, Snake gasped. “She even said if I slept with her she’d let me marry Jacinda, although I don’t believe it was true. Besides, Jacinda wouldn’t have wanted me after I’d done something like that, and who could blame her. Daymer ignored what we wanted and kept me locked up in her room for some days. I still refused.” “That is one scorned woman. I hate to say it, but maybe you should have bedded the bitch and be done with it.” Snake’s tone suggested he was joking. “You’ll laugh.” “Never.” “Yes, you will,” Axel insisted, “but I’ll tell you anyway. That was one woman I could never get it up for. It didn’t matter what she did. She threatened to torture her daughter, the only thing that might have forced my…hand so to speak, but even that did no good. I just couldn’t respond.” He’d been right. Snake did laugh. It was while he sat looking at Snake’s laughing face that Axel realised he’d been stroking Snake’s hand, making little soothing circles on the alien’s skin. The trouble was, he couldn’t tell if that soothed him more than it did Snake. Then the other man’s laughter died off as they caught each other staring. Axel couldn’t help wondering if maybe Snake was right. Sleeping alone wasn’t going to help him. Maybe trying to sleep with the people he loved would eventually keep the nightmares at bay.
***** “That’s my second daddy!” “Yes, darling.” Sela and Snake had always been honest with Snel. Sela had chosen the name not because, as many people believed, a man called Alexander Snel had been a great freedom fighter, although that was part of it. The other reason was that she’d spent ages one evening trying to rearrange the letters of Axel and Snaithen’s names and had come up with names even more ludicrous. She’d just about given up when, looking over her shoulder, Meliora had exclaimed that Snel was a good name for a child born to freedom. Sela had laughed but allowed everyone to think she’d done just that.
Cosmic
177
Sela brushed an errant curl of hair back into place on her son’s forehead. Already, his eyes drifted shut, though he struggled to stay awake. Although she’d hated taking her son on missions, she’d been too afraid to let him out of her sight. Since she’d found Axel, she’d tried to stay on Heofon as much as possible and was glad to leave Snel in the care of his two fathers. Besides, it had given Axel the opportunity to get to know his son. Although Snel was quite used to the concept as she had explained many times how special he was to have two fathers, he seemed especially taken by the idea since Axel had started talking to him. Snel liked his human father. “Go to sleep now. You’ll get to play with both your fathers again tomorrow.” “Most kids only get one dad,” Snel murmured, voice struggling, edging towards sleep. “That’s right. You’re special. You’re lucky.” Her son gave up the fight and went to sleep with a smile on his face. She sat there for a moment, watching him. The second Zeus unit would be up and running in two days, installed within its host. The question was, just how dangerous was such an army of armed men under the control of a man like Tait? He was a good man, but there was the melodrama that seemed to follow him. Part of her wanted to hand the whole thing over to him, but while she was their strongest warrior, he’d never let her go, and if they kept running from the Coalition, eventually nowhere would be safe. She could see trouble ahead with Tait and Axel, though. She almost laughed. The two would clash heads, but they would like each other. Right now, she wanted to forget the fact that they had a questionable future, and lie with the men she loved. Snake had told her that Axel had agreed to spend the night with them. That didn’t mean sex. In fact, sex was unlikely and way down on her agenda. She just wanted to feel that loving connection again. She entered their room to find Snake and Axel laughing. The sound lifted her heart. Do
we forgive each other all our suffering? Axel’s blue eyes watched her approach. A momentary chill stole through her as she recalled a conversation they’d had just the other day. She let him be silent when he needed, talk when he wanted, ramble where his thoughts took him. Axel would get the last three years out of his system, slowly, in such a way, talking as and when he needed. The other day, he’d talked about bribing the guards just to get a decent haircut or shave. She knew enough of what went on in Coalition prisons to know that some prisoners would have relatives bring things to trade, and they were the lucky ones. Sometimes they traded information if they had nothing else. The other day she’d made a wild guess. “Daymer sent you supplies to trade.” Axel had shot her an eloquent look. There was some hate and spite in his gaze, but he didn’t aim his hatred at her. “If I behaved in her presence, she would reward me for it.” He made reward sound both dirty and amusing at the same time. “If I lost my temper, she’d make sure I paid for it in some way.”
178
Sharon Maria Bidwell
Sela swallowed. She’d made Daymer promise not to harm him, but of course, she could damage him in other ways. He’d placed his hand on her arm to hold her attention, but he’d touched her so little during the last month that the feel of Axel’s hand branded her. Even now, a couple of days later, she could still feel where he’d touched her. “I’m stronger than that,” he had said. “Stronger than this. Daymer never beat me for one moment. I didn’t think I could stand imprisonment again, but when it came down to it, she just wasn’t going to win, and I…I had something to live for. Either…” He paused, swallowed again. “Either revenge or someone waiting. Right now” -- his gaze had wandered as though he searched for an answer in the dark recesses of the ceiling -- “I’m just tired.” She understood he needed rest and time to heal, but at least he was here tonight. It was a start. She cleared her throat. “I meant to ask how you’re feeling. If you’re still tired?” “A little. It comes and goes.” Snake leaned over, his lips trailing along the edge of Axel’s jaw. “Too tired for this?” the alien asked softly before moving up to the corner of Axel’s mouth. Sela held her breath. Inwardly, every nerve in her body was screaming no. Snake would ruin everything. It was enough that Axel was willing to spend the night with them. They had no right to ask for anything else. Then again… She couldn’t decipher the expression on Axel’s face. She hardly dared to hope. Axel turned his face into the kiss, staring into some unfocused and possibly timeless distance. In silence, his hand came up and caught at the back of Snake’s head. Turning, Axel angled their mouths together in a deep, probing exploration. They kissed. Axel first with Snake, and then he sought Sela’s sweet lips. As Snake’s mouth returned to feast, day gave way to night. Sela was sunlight, Snaithen the stars filling up the black emptiness of space. Snake had explained more about his species, of how two males often bonded with one female, and he’d even described the bonding process, explaining that as Axel and Sela were human, he couldn’t bond with them in the same way. He wanted to tell the alien he was wrong, for Axel felt it now as he had the first time the bond fell into place. He recognised it only because it had been absent from his life for so long. He would tell Snake as soon as he could, but his mouth was too busy right now. Then, as Snake gave a small cry and pulled back so that they could look into each other’s eyes, it entered his mind that he might not have to say a word. When Axel saw the shocked expression on Sela’s face, he was certain they all felt the same thing. So long, so lost, all of them… “Mine.” Axel let the word whisper out of his mouth much as it had once whispered from between Snake’s lips. Indescribable pain flooded his chest the moment he said it, but there was no physical injury to explain this amount of hurt. As though he knew, Snake slid his hands over Axel’s chest, pressed him back against the bed.
Cosmic
179
“Hush. Let us make love to you,” Snake said, again words echoing from the past. The world tilted, turned, things changed, and yet remained the same. Snake’s questioning gaze filled his vision, and Axel found himself nodding. “Yes, oh yes.” He wanted to tell them both to make love to him and never to stop. The look on Axel’s face was so full of fear and hunger that Snake felt torn between despair and delight. He wasted no time. During the last weeks, he’d touched Axel as much as he could without scaring the man, patting his shoulder, holding his hand, easing towards precisely this moment. Now, they were just beginning to feel the pangs of their bond again. They were remembering who each of them were when they came together. A fierce pride and protectiveness welled up inside Snake. No one was ever going to take Axel away from him or Sela again. Now, as he undressed the man lying under him, Snake hesitated. He and Sela had talked this over, many a night. If or when they found Axel, they had agreed to give him time. He might hate them. He might never come back to them. He might try to kill them, but if there was any hope, they had to give him time. Sela had speculated that it might take many months for Axel to recover. He might not ever be the same man again. Snake couldn’t wait many more weeks and certainly not months, and he didn’t think Axel or Sela could either, but he had to give him the choice. “Do you want this? Want us?” Axel’s gaze studied his. He laughed. “Are you kidding?” The moment he said it, that laughing face sobered. The gaze flicked across to Sela, and then back. “I know why you’re asking, but if I’m going to wake up during the night having nightmares, not knowing where I am, then I want to find you both here with me. I want your scents, the touch of your skin surrounding me. I won’t be lost then.” “This certainly seems to remember us,” Snake said, handling Axel’s erection. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I can’t wait.” Now wasn’t the time for finesse. Snake slid down the bed and sunk that thick cock into his mouth. He slid his tongue over the top, mapped the veins, glided around the head, bobbed up and down, held it rigid and teased it with his teeth. Axel’s gurgled cries spoke of approval. Snake looked up. Sela leaned over Axel’s chest. His hands were at her breasts. They kissed briefly, and then Axel moved his head enough to angle his mouth to her breast. He sucked on a nipple so hard, it made Sela shout, almost a sound of pain but not quite. Snake held his breath, lowering his head, taking the whole of Axel’s straining member down his throat. He didn’t stop until he could bury his nose in his lover’s groin, and then he breathed in. Humans didn’t carry a scent the same way his race did, but he knew this man. He knew how he felt, how he tasted, his fragrance. He’d been too long without it. He and Sela had made love during Axel’s absence, and they had buried their pain under their moans and gasps, but always, always, there came that moment afterwards when they became aware
180
Sharon Maria Bidwell
that something was missing from their bed. Axel’s warm presence was no longer missing, just floating free, unanchored. In that moment, Snake vowed to be Axel’s anchor. By the time they finished, Axel would have no doubts as to whom he belonged. He squeezed the man’s overly swollen testicles, determined to empty them many times before the night was over, and only let up when Axel writhed under the pleasure-pain. “Mine,” Snake said, only his mouth was still full of the man, and the sound rumbled up and over that hot, sweet flesh. To Snake, it was as though he was starving. He couldn’t gulp down enough of this man. He wanted to devour him, crawl inside him. When Axel’s hands clasped his head to hold him still, so he could pound into his mouth, fucking his throat, Snake let him. It didn’t take long, and the throbbing meat in his mouth told Snake it couldn’t wait. Axel’s release hit him hard in the back of his throat, and Snake drank him down, sucking, swallowing, not once stopping, even when the flow trickled off. He pulled back once, enough to taste Axel before he finished. Even as he did, he met Axel’s gaze. Those blue eyes were wild and staring. Snake pulled back, aware now that his whole body throbbed with need, knew that his lips glistened with Axel’s seed. What he didn’t expect was Axel dragging him up, their mouths meeting, and Axel sucking on his mouth, licking his lips, as though he couldn’t get enough of his own taste. When they broke apart, the expression on Axel’s face made Snake’s heart ache. After that little display, he wasn’t about to let Axel sleep yet, and apparently, neither was Axel’s cock for it remained upstanding and proud. A few strokes pumped it back to its previous fullness. When Sela gasped, Axel actually blushed. “It’s been a long time,” he said. “Don’t apologise,” Sela said. “We’re only too happy to see you, too.” They said prison could do things to a man. Sela had to agree, for Axel went wild. After kissing Snake full on the mouth, seemingly oblivious or maybe delirious of the fact that he could taste himself on his lover’s lips, then blushing when he remained hard, Axel’s heated gaze fell on Sela. He kissed her, and Sela could taste both Snake and Axel, and that deeper, musky taste of sex. When he rolled her on her back, whispering into her ear, “I need to taste you,” and slid down her body, she pushed away the flush of embarrassment that rose up in protest. Axel was her lover and the father -- one of the fathers -- of her child. Still, they had been apart for three years. She had expected their joyful reunion -- if there was even to be one -- to take time. It felt as though she opened her body up to someone she had never known; at the same time, she offered it to someone she had known before they ever met. None of that made sense and coupled with the feeling of déjà vu, panic threatened her peace. Fear swept in and, at once, she recognised it for what it was -- fear that this wasn’t real, wouldn’t last, would be lost. She didn’t need to hear the satisfied moan from Axel’s mouth to know that her folds were already slick with need. The heat of his mouth closed over the most sensitive part of her flesh, and she arched. Only the weight of two men kept her pinned to the bed. Still she fought, simply because her body couldn’t not fight. Two hands pressing into her shoulders
Cosmic
181
made her open her eyes, and she looked up into green sparkling jewels. Snake’s eyes told her to let Axel do what he would, and she meant to, just her body had other ideas. Her orgasm caught her unawares. Never before had any man brought it on so fast, so savage. It ripped her apart, left her crying out, so that she screamed when Axel slid into her. Only his whisper of, “I know that’s not hurting,” into her ear told her that they had any control. She didn’t want control. She wanted them to blow apart, disintegrate, not out into the universe, but into each other. She raked Axel’s back with her nails, the pain driving him on just as she wanted. The moment when he erupted was unmistakable. The bed groaned, and so did its three occupants. “I want to see you both,” Axel murmured. He couldn’t explain it, but he did. His two lovers glanced his way once, and he could see the doubt in their eyes but he guided Snake’s cock into that warm wet embrace he’d just filled with his own seed. An unbidden thought sprang to mind as to whether Sela was using any kind of birth control and if they could break all the rules of evolution twice. The thought of Sela, plump and round, expecting another child by him and Snake, made him feel oddly safe. He’d missed Snel’s birth. If they had any more children, he wouldn’t miss it again. The sight of Snake loving Sela warmed Axel’s heart. The alien had looked after her in his absence. Now it was time he put three wasted years behind him and take care of those he loved. Axel had plans for their future that didn’t include the rebellion or Tait. Time enough for him to tell them when he was certain. Right now, Axel turned his attention back to the very important matter of sex. Axel positioned himself behind Snake’s writhing hips. Incredibly, his cock was still hard, though maybe that was not so incredible after all. He’d been without sex for three years. With Snake bumping and grinding into Sela’s body, what Axel wanted would take some co-ordination, though. With a grin, Axel started to play a merciless tune along the ridges of Snake’s spine. The alien moaned and ahhhhhh, yes… Axel closed his eyes and breathed in as Snake released a giddying rush of pheromones. Axel leaned over Snake’s back and then flicked his tongue along the hard ridges, wriggling his tongue into any gaps he encountered. “Oh, for pity’s sake.” Snake almost sobbed when Axel concentrated on a particularly sensitive spot. Axel eased back, laughing. “Don’t tell me that in three years, Sela’s never played with your spine.” “I have,” Sela replied, her voice sounding breathy and drugged from lust, love, and Snake’s pheromones, or a combination of all three. “But I never could torment him the way you do. Even Snake isn’t sure how you know just what to do, and you weren’t here to teach me.” “Well I’m here now, and we’ll have to remedy that,” Axel promised, once more kissing down Snake’s spine. He followed the path of his lips with his fingertips, reaching back for a
182
Sharon Maria Bidwell
small jar of glistening gel as he did. Only when his slick fingers circled that hidden rosette did Snake’s rhythm falter. “Ummmmm.” That wasn’t a protest. Whatever the sound signified, Axel ignored it, pressing one finger just breaching the entrance. Beneath him, Snake jolted, moaned, pushed back, his head dipping, arms stretching out, spine arching, as though his body was in control rather than his mind. That was what Axel wanted. Axel pushed, and Snake’s body gave. The alien slammed his body back onto him, a half scream issuing from his throat. It sounded like frustration more than anything else. Axel grabbed Snake’s hips, took control of the pace. He ploughed forward, driving Snake’s body forward onto Sela’s, driving the other man’s cock into her. He took over and fucked them both. He knew when Snake came. He could feel it in the convulsions that tightened the other man’s body as though he were having a fit, even as Sela screamed her release, the sound of her cry telling him it was too much. He took pity on her. Working an arm around Snake’s waist, he held the other man still while he took his last few strokes to tip his need over into fulfilment. When he growled out the word, “Mine,” once more, their combined murmurs seemed to approve.
***** Someone screamed, but Axel turned over in his sleep, trying to ignore it. Either someone was having a nightmare or being tortured; he could do nothing about either possibility. How could he help others when he was in no position to help himself? He just wanted to sleep. He longed for oblivion, but the acrid scent that reached his nostrils made him wrinkle his nose in disgust. He recognised that scent for it was prevalent in the torture chambers. He frowned, even as his eyes remained closed. He shouldn’t have been able to smell the scent of burning flesh from here; screams yes, for sound travelled, but not the scent. Then he remembered he was on some other planet for a short while. Maybe things were different here. He shifted, trying once more for sleep. Likely the sound was of someone’s nightmare. They’d not had time to set up a proper torture chamber here, and he was grateful for that, even if Daymer’s orders were that he was to receive no lasting harm. Even if you weren’t the one receiving the worst punishments, sometimes the guards made you watch. Some might have thought that preferable, but it killed your spirit almost as effectively. A hand brushed his face, and he wanted to swipe it away, only he didn’t dare flinch from a guard’s touch. If they said he had to watch, he watched. They might jerk a prisoner’s head around once; after that, the disobedient inmate was lucky not to end up on the torturer’s rack. The least he could do for the victims was bear witness and one day make the Coalition pay for what they did.
Cosmic
183
The hand came again, and this time, he flinched. He couldn’t help it. He breathed in, though he had tried to make his breathing shallow so he wouldn’t taste the decay in the room. Bad enough that he couldn’t entirely block the scent. What he smelt wasn’t bad, but the strong musk opened him up in places nothing should be able to reach.
Musk? That wasn’t right. As Axel struggled to consciousness, he became aware of two things. The bed he lay on was comfortable, and someone was…violating him? Even as he denied the thought, fingers delved, corkscrewing, spreading him where they had no right to be. Even as his mind rebelled, something sharp nipped the skin at his throat, but the sensations overlapped, grew confused, memory and dream. It took him a moment to accept that what he felt was the nip of very sharp teeth. That small pain had served as a distraction from the idea that at least two fingers penetrated…
Just let it happen. He wasn’t sure if he had heard that, or just thought it, but the words caught his attention, confused him long enough for… Was that three fingers he could feel now? The feeling wasn’t quite one of pain, but it was somewhat unwelcome. “I need you.” That wasn’t a voice in his head. It was real. Axel struggled to surface, and at once became aware of someone leaning over him, soft breath tickling his right ear. He shoved the memories aside, and clung to the one thought that had burned brightly in his mind. Someone was fucking him with at least two or three fingers. Fully alert now, Axel opened his eyes. He recognised Snake by his dark hair and green eyes before he blinked and the man’s face swam fully into focus. It was Snake’s fingers he could feel gently sliding in and out of him. Snake’s touch was gentle, a smooth back and forth glide, but still Axel swallowed in alarm. No one had ever touched him so intimately. The sensation, though pleasant, hovered at some strange precipice, almost too intense. Axel couldn’t decide if he liked it or not. Embarrassed, he turned his head, and looked beyond Snake, searching for Sela. She lay curled up to one side. “She’s sleeping, or pretending to,” Snake’s voice whispered into his ear. The smile that came to her lips gave them their answer. Oh yeah, Axel remembered now that Sela liked to watch them together, but even so, he’d never intended that she would see Snake doing this to him. “Either way, your attention should be here.” Snake curled his fingers and flicked them somehow. Whatever he touched caused Axel to jolt. His eyes closed, he gasped, and oh yeah, that was definitely three fingers that he could feel now. He tried to speak but only managed to shake his head. Snake eased off, but he didn’t pull out. His fingers still moved in that travesty of a fuck, spreading, widening
184
Sharon Maria Bidwell
Axel’s flesh on every third or fourth thrust. Finally, Axel managed to open his eyes and look into the alien’s gaze. He frowned his unspoken question. “It’ll get better. The pain will disappear. See.” Once more, Snake did something with his fingers, and Axel moaned. He still hadn’t quite accepted that this was happening as he fought the intoxicating divestitures of sleep. “You were dreaming,” Snake whispered, as if that would explain what he was doing fucking him with his fingers. “I couldn’t wake you up. I called your name, but you didn’t hear.” Axel blinked. He was on his back, his legs up, his thighs spread wide. Despite the delicious sensations zinging through him, some part of him remained unsure about this. When he felt the prod of something much larger than Snake’s fingers, his whole body tensed. “Relax,” Snake told him. “Relax or you’ll make it hurt.”
Make it hurt? Surely it would hurt anyway? As if he could read Axel’s mind, incredibly Snake smiled down at him. “You never hurt me. It’s a little uncomfortable at first, but your body learns. Let me be the one to show you.” Axel stifled a laugh. As if he was ever going to have sex with another male, be he human or alien. Snake was the only male he ever intended to have sex with, and he’d certainly never intended on being on the receiving end. He was about to refuse when that startling green gaze caught his. Axel lay on his back feeling ensnared. If he didn’t object soon, he’d be stuck on his back on the end of a not inconsiderable pin. “Let go, Axel,” Snake whispered. “Let go of everything. Let me have this. Let yourself have this experience and let it be me. Let me fuck you. Trust me to make it good.” Those green eyes flicked left and right, searching. “Trust me.” “You thought this was a good way to wake me?” Axel said, clearing his throat a little. The joke was a poor one, but he didn’t know what to say. Snake looked abashed. “I thought if the dream was bad, this would be a nice way to wake from it.” “And you wanted to fuck me, of course.” Snake blushed. “Yeah. I want to fuck you. I want you to let me.” Somehow, despite the use of a coarse word, Snake managed to make fuck sound very much like love. Axel sought anger, but he didn’t have the strength for it. He lay in a position he’d never expected to find himself in, and it didn’t matter. He was with someone he loved and that Snake did this didn’t matter, not in a bad way. Axel just didn’t know if he could make his body obey. Putting his arms around Snake’s shoulders, Axel threaded his fingers around the back of Snake’s neck and into his hair. Snake stared into his eyes from a few inches away and kept staring even as Axel felt the pressure begin to build; it felt impossible that anything
Cosmic
185
could breach that part of his body, but it did. Axel gasped at the sudden invasion. His mind cried out a silent No! while his body trembled in indecision. “You planned this.” “No,” Snake said, between small thrusts of his hips. “Not planned. It’s just what you need right now.” “Need?” The word emerged quiet, but Axel managed to convey the laughter in his tone. His laughter spoke for him: What makes you think I need to be fucked? Axel, despite his protest, groaned. Snake wasn’t sure Axel truly needed any more convincing, but he still coerced. “Just let it happen. Let me take over. Just this once. Let go.” In truth, once they did this, he doubted Axel would want it only the once, but in all the time they’d known each other, Axel had always topped. Tonight, Snake was having things his way. This wasn’t payback, just the right time. Snake loved lying under the other man, but tonight he wanted Axel to let go of everything, to fall, to float, to bask in pleasure and every sensation they could wring forth, so he could lie loose, sated, and that included loosening everything. He leaned over, whispering into Axel’s ear. “We’ve been without you for too many years. Every day in prison was just as long for us. I know Sela and I were together, but we’ve missed you. I missed you. I never truly explained. I’ve told you, but I can’t make you understand what it means to me. My species mate as a threesome. Two males and one female. Axel, you and Sela, without you both, I’m incomplete. We’ve longed for you, needed you. I need to be inside you. Open up for me, Axel. Let me love you. Let us fuck. Let me take control. Trust me.” Even as he was saying these things, Snake pushed deeper. He could tell by the little jolts of Axel’s body what movement edged into pain and what Axel liked. He risked much asking for Axel’s trust, but he needed to know the past lay behind them. They were already fucking, so he didn’t truly need Axel’s nod, though the man gave it anyway. “Let go,” Snake insisted. “Give yourself over to me.” Axel was trying to. He concentrated on drawing air into his lungs, of bearing down, of keeping his mind and body…and yes, even his heart open. Slowly, Snake sunk deeper. “Is that so bad?” Axel shook his head. It wasn’t. It felt strange, but it wasn’t bad. The withdrawal of Snake’s cock brought a peculiar kind of relief. The thrust forward brought Axel wide-eyed staring awake, his nerves zinging. Then the pleasure of relief eased all that, only to build as Snake assaulted him again. Snake sliding in and out of him built the delight in a peculiar mingling sensation of pleasure and discomfort. Once more, that foray into his body sunk into depths it didn’t seem a man’s cock could surely go, and all it did was
186
Sharon Maria Bidwell
feel good and right. Turning his head, Axel glanced at Sela. Her eyes were open, and she blatantly watched them now. The sight of him with Snake had always aroused her, and while some men might not have understood that, Axel could understand only too well. The very thought of how he looked lying under Snake aroused him as well. He returned Sela’s gaze, mouthed the words “I love you,” and then rolled his head to meet Snake’s kiss. “Give yourself up to me,” Snake whispered once more. “Let me love you. Show me that you love me.” Was that part of this? Axel understood why Snake might want him to let go, that it was a way for him to learn trust once more, but the thought that Snake still sought reassurance of his love shook him to the core. When Snake took hold of his wrists and pinned his arms back to the bed, Axel let him. When Sela’s hands slid over his wrists and she used her weight to exert pressure sufficient to hold him down, Axel allowed that too. When Snake reared up, to take control of his body, Axel lay placid, giving control over to the two people he loved. His mind rebelled for an instant, but he shouted that traitorous voice down and allowed himself to trust once more.
***** Axel opened his eyes some hours later. At first confused as to where he was, when he remembered, it came as a surprise to realise that he had slept well. The next thing he became aware of was the other two occupants of the room. Snake slept to his right. To his left, Sela studied his notebook with a small handheld light. When she noticed him watching, she dipped her head in a fashion that suggested she blushed. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I was snooping because I was worried that maybe you were writing down your nightmares or something. Not that that wouldn’t be good,” she added, “if it helps you get over them, but I wanted to help, if I could.” “I know why you looked,” Axel told her. “In your place, I might have done the same. It hasn’t escaped my notice that you don’t leave me alone with Snel.” Sela blinked and then lowered the notebook. “It’s not that we don’t trust you…” Axel waved her concerns aside. “With the nightmares I’ve been having, I would keep an eye on me if I could. I know I need time, but I’m stronger than this, Sela. I’m stronger than Daymer would like me to be. I will win through.” He took hold of her hand. “Especially now that I have so much to live for.” Sela squeezed back. Then she looked pointedly at the notebook. “Do you honestly think this will work?” Axel nodded. “If you still have our ship and the materialiser. And if you used it not too long before you underwent the operation.” He watched her face as she calculated the risk. “I used it one week before.”
Cosmic
187
“Perfect.” He jerked his head towards his notes. “You can check my findings yourself, have others look at it if you wish. Snake is savvy enough to assess the chances as to whether I’m right.” “Tait won’t like it,” she said. “Tait won’t know until it’s too late. I’m not forcing the issue, though. There is a small risk, and I don’t want to lose you. But you set me free, and I’d rather like to do the same for you.” There was the small matter of Sela putting her trust in him, of course, which made her next words even more surprising. “Only if Snake agrees. Only after I’ve talked to our son as well. Only after you’ve checked and double-checked your computations.” Axel agreed. Only after he was completely sure that this would work would they dematerialise Sela and then rematerialise her minus the weapon that ran through her body. Axel had needed to occupy his mind with many things when incarcerated. He was sure that he’d worked out how to use the transport equipment to reset a person to an earlier time. He was now certain he could do so without disruption to the person’s memory. Repeated attempts to reverse time and therefore age would result in degradation to cell structure. One transfer would not cause her such harm. In any case, Axel wasn’t out to achieve immortality. He just wanted to set Sela free.
188
Sharon Maria Bidwell
Epilogue “What if we get caught?” Sela suppressed a giggle as she looked at the man conducting the order of…play? Well, she supposed play was a good word considering what was happening on stage. She held her breath wondering if he’d overheard her comment, but apparently, he was too distracted to pay any attention to those in the queue. “You three are up next,” the man said in a gruff voice, pointing to the steps and ushering them forward towards the back of the stage. As he moved away, Sela whispered, “We’ll never get away with this.” “We will if you stop worrying and shut up,” Axel told her. Despite the admonishment, his tone was full of laughter. A maskjln was a club intended for men only. If they discovered she was one of the three, the best they could hope for was that the bouncers would evict them from the club. At worst, they’d need medical treatment. Sela wasn’t afraid of a beating, but no one went looking for one, especially when one knew it would be severe. They were taking a terrible chance here. “You don’t have to do this,” Snake said. Was he as uncomfortably hot in his leather outfit as she was in hers? “Of course we don’t, but what the hell.” Axel sounded as if he was close to giggling as well now. He didn’t need to hide as much as she or Snake did, but he’d chosen to wear a similar outfit, probably due to embarrassment. Despite the fact that they all found this extremely amusing, there was also an element of embarrassment. They were about to have sex in front of an audience. Sela’s outfit consisted of a close-fitting tunic and trousers. The slim fit flattened her breasts without causing her much discomfort. Indeed, the tightness only made her more aware of her body, and now that she was free of the dreaded weapon -Axel’s plan to dematerialise it right out of her flesh having worked -- she was in the mood to
Cosmic
189
feel human again. She was in the mood to do something crazy. The only thing that concerned her was the placement of the zip at the rear. Axel and Snake’s outfits were similar but a little looser in design. Where they differed was that Axel only wore an eye mask. Snake wore a mask that covered most of the top half of his face. Sela’s mask was the most concealing, her outfit chosen to hide her femininity, tight but the top flaring at the hips so no one would notice the lack of a bulge at her groin. Only her eyes were on view. Snake’s garments obscured the identity of his species. Many of the men in these clubs wore leather so no one would consider their costumes peculiar. To make sure they fitted in a little more, the men had added chains to their outfits that gave the appearance of piercing, even if the rings did only penetrate the leather rather than flesh. Second thoughts flashed through her mind now as Snake took her hand. As the three of them exchanged glances, she could tell they were all beginning to wonder what they were doing here. They stood in a small circle, hands clasped. All three of them chose the same moment to squeeze each other’s hands. The curtain parted, and another man waved them forward. “Too late now,” Axel murmured, and on legs Sela was sure were equally shaky, they set foot on stage. It wasn’t so bad in that the light obscured the view of the audience. Then again, that meant the lights shone on them so that everyone out there sitting at the bar and the tables could see them quite clearly. Whether from desire, humiliation, or out-and-out fear, Axel and Snake apparently weren’t going to waste time. Sela found herself pushed down across one of the platforms. They had asked for what they wanted on stage prior to the show. Beds, platforms, tables, chairs, and even various types of swings were all available for the asking. She had just enough time to think that someone had constructed the platform with a lot of care and thought in mind and that Axel had prechosen one with just the right size and height, and then she heard as well as felt Axel pulling the zipper down at her rear. To maintain the pretence that she was a man, Axel was going to have to pierce a part of her body where she was less accustomed to invasion by either of her lovers. At the same time, Snake unsnapped the flap that covered her mouth. The table wasn’t the only thing preprepared. Her body already greased and spread, Axel met little resistance, despite the fact that she was unused to this. She gasped even so, and that opened her mouth to Snake’s invasion. Both men were hard and thick. Snake left a silky emission on her lips even as he thrust past the circle of her mouth. Sela swallowed and adjusted the position of her neck to accommodate him. Closing her eyes, Sela tried to give both men what they wanted. She forced her body to relax, remain pliant. They weren’t going to last long and much to Sela’s surprise, neither was she. She was naked beneath the leather and not all the gathering moisture was sweat. She dreaded to think what state they would find the leather in when they finally stripped the trousers from her legs. Even that thought sent a strange thrill through her. She lost Snake’s rhythm for a moment and choked a little around his cock.
190
Sharon Maria Bidwell
Pausing, Snake let her gather her breath again, and then she felt both men tighten their grips. Now she was certain they had exchanged a glance over her back for this grip was her signal that both men were close. The pounding into her body increased. Both men synchronised, thrust in, pulled out. Sela held her breath when she had to, drew in little gasps of air when she could. The fact that she would soon be suffocating for want of oxygen should have sent the eroticism of the moment into retreat, but Sela fought to make herself a creature of flesh, mindless.
Deeper. The silent entreaty was to Axel. She needed him to be just a little more rough, plough just a little deeper, and she would find her release. The trouble was, both men seemed to answer her plea. For a few seconds, Sela couldn’t breathe and barely remembered she needed to, and then both men pushed forward, stilled, flesh swelled, pulsed, and liquid heat flooded her at either end. She didn’t know if it was the thought that both men she loved had taken her in a room full of strangers, or just the simple fact that these two men loved her as well as each other and they were, all three, finally complete. Maybe it was the idea that they had control over her body and that she could tell from the way they leaned over her back that they kissed. Whatever the reason, as they flooded her, her body finally gave way, deep contractions going on and on until she thought she would go out of her mind if they didn’t stop, and maybe even if they did. They had to lift her from the table, half-carry her down the steps. In the small area set aside so participants could have a few moments to recover, two sets of lips took turns in kissing her. “Ready to go?” Axel asked. He meant to Heofon where the three of them now lived with their son. When she felt steady enough to stand without his arm around her, Sela nodded. “Yes. Let’s go home.”
Sharon Maria Bidwell Sharon Maria Bidwell was born one New Year’s Eve within the London area. Since having her first short story accepted and the editor announcing her as “a writer who is going places,” her work -- poems, short stories and articles -- have appeared steadily in print and online publications. Previously, she kept the erotic side of her writing separate. The genre appealed, though, as it allows her the freedom to create something more expressive, less oppressive. She firmly believes that having a chance at such “free reign” reflects favourably in her work. It has always been a part of her personality in that she likes surprising and delighting people. She links her most favoured and often most successful work closely to fantasy, though her writing crosses genres. She loves reading, the movies and going to the theatre and spending time with a few very special people. Her friends are waiting to discover something she isn’t good at. She often thinks about moving but lives primarily in a world of her own. Visit this diverse writer’s site at http://www.sharonbidwell.co.uk, or her MySpace page at http://www.myspace.com/aonia.