A Pocket Guide of Strategies
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lntheWorkplace
A Pocket Guide of Strategies and Tools for Powerful Change
Tim Hallbom, Founder and Training Director of NLP and the Coaching Institute
Nick LeForce, President of Inner Works
First Edition I GOAUQPC
Coaching in the Workplace
© 2008
by GOAUOPC. All rights reserved.
Reproduction of any part of this publication without the written permission of GOAUOPC is prohibited.
Development Team
Project Leader Cover & Book Design nSight. tnc.. Project Editing Lawrence Smith. Content Review Susan Griebel.
Janet MacCausland.
GOAUOPC 12 Manor Parkway, Salem, NH 03079-284 1
Tol l free: 800.643.4316 or 603.893.1944
Fax: 603.870.9122 E-mail:
[email protected] www.MemoryJogger.org
Printed in the United States of America First Edition
10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2
1
ISBN: 978-1-57681- 1 07-8
Acknowledgments The authors would like to acknowledge the following people who have made this work possible through their contributions to the field of N LP and to the practice of coaching: Richard Bandler and lohn Grinder for their brilliant developments in initially creating the field of NLP and the people they first behav iorally modeled, Virginia Satir (the developer of family therapy). and Milton Erickson (the famous psychiatrist). Robert Dilts, a colleague and teacher. who has created so many of the ongoing devel opments in the fields of NLP and coaching. Dilts has had an international reputation as a leading behavioral skills trainer and business consultant since the late 1970s. A developer and expert in the field of Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), his most recent book, From Coach to Awakener, provides a road map and set of toolboxes for coaches to help clients achieve their goals while experiencing deep changes within themselves. Steve and Connirae Andreas for their contributions in making NLP more robust and accessible. Rodger Bailey and Leslie Cameron Bandler for their work with meta-programs and criteria. Ian Elfline for her pioneering efforts in bringing NLP into the world of coaching. Thomas Leonard and Tim Gallwey for helping to create the field of coaching in the first place.
ClOO8 GOAUQPC
Introduction
iii
Reviewers Sharon Billings, Senior Tra iner/Execu live Coacn, Cilizens Financial Group Stepha nie Del Valle, Life Coaci!, Personal Journeys Sylvie Hendrick, Coach, Belgi um and
United Kingdom Ann Ide, Life Coaci!, New Possibilities James Salsbury, Senior Lecturer, Bentley College Carrie Stack, Founder/Owner, Say Yes institute
iv
Coaching in the Workplace I @200B GOAUQPC
Contents
vii
How This Book is Organized
Section I: Overview Why Coaching? What Is Coaching? Neuro Linguistic Programming The Coach-Client Relationship
7
Who Provides Coaching
8
Coaching Opportunities
II
Section 2: Coaching Process
13
Coaching Tools
13 15
The Coach Contract
17
Coaching Cycles
18
Intake
24
Switching Hats The Universal Cycles of Change
25
Meta-Programs
38
Part I: Process
41
Part 2 : Profile form
56
Section 3: Coadting 101: T{te Basics
61
Communication Blockers
61
Coaching and Nonverbal Communication
64
Systemic Communications
66
Active Listening and Backtracking ClOOB GOAUQPC
69
Introduction
v
Perceptual Positions
71
Open Questions
80 84
The Meta Model Craft of Coaching
100
Section 4: Managing Client Sessions
III
Coaching Session Overview
III
Gaining Rapport
II I
117
Holding the Clients Agenda
118
Directionalizing the Communication Outcomes
123
Meta-Outcome
126
Storyboarding Your Future
131
State Management
138
Section 5: Tecnniques
145
Appreciative Inquiry.
145
Gregory Bateson's Problem-Solving Strategy
152
New Behavior Generator
156
Resource States
161
Creative Solution-Finding Process.
167
Getting Clear About Criteria.
171
Disney Strategy
181 186
Beliefs Important Coach Reflections
.
203
Putting It All Together
205
Suggested Reading .
206
Index . vi
207 Coaching in the Workpbce I @2008 GOAUQPC
How This Book is Organized
This book is divided into five sections:
Section I : Overview This section provides a general overview of coach ing. how coaching differs from other approaches. and who provides coaching to employees in an or ganization.
Section 2: Coaching Process This section provides an understanding of the coaching process from beginning to end. including a discussion of some assessment processes (Univer sal Cycles of Change and Meta-Programs).
Section 3: Coaching 101: The Basics This section offers basic communication skills and interactive skills useful in all phases of the coaching process.
Section 4: Managing Client Sessions This section offers a model for managing coaching sessions and specific steps or processes useful in all client sessions. such as gaining rapport. setting outcomes. and managing states.
Section 5: Techniques This section offers a variety of specific interventions for specific situations.
ClOO8 GOAUQPC
Introduction
vii
Why Coaching? People are the primary resource in most organiza tions. How well (or poorly) an organization performs is a function of how well the individuals within the organization perform. An organization's competi tive edge comes from maximizing the performance of employees while maintaining high levels of mo rale and retention. This requires that managers and owners go beyond the standard rewards, recogni tion, or typical methods of motivating employees. They need to tap into the inner strength and wisdom of their employees on an individual basis. When it comes to bringing out the best in employees, coach ing is becoming the tool of choice. This book will show you how to use coaching tools to take your employees-and, therefore, your or ganization-to the next level. It will provide you with an understanding of the coaching relationship and how to use coaching skills as a manager and leader. It will help you and your employees to set
02008 GOAUQPC
Section One
better goals, make better decisions, take action to accomplish goals, and utilize natural strengths. When properly used in your organization, coaching can:
• Create strol'lger mal'lager-employee relatiol'lships • Empower employees • Idel'ltify employee strel'lgths • Idel'ltify employee values • Set challel'lgil'lg al'ld realistic goals • Improve employee decisiol'l-makil'lg skills • Improve employee problem-solvil'lg skills • Heightel'l employee commitmel'lt to tasks al'ld assigl'lmel'lts
• Provide effective accoul'ltability • Tap il'lto employee motivatiol'l • Release employee creativity • Il'Icrease employee morale • Provide directiol'l for employee developmel'lt • Improve compal'lY systems
2
GMchlna; in the Workpb,ce I 02008 GOAUQPC
What Is C oaching? Coaching, as defined by the International Coach Federation (ICF), is:
...an ongoing partnership that helps clients produce fulfilling results in their personal and professional lives. Through the process of coaching, clients deepen their learning, improve their performance, and enhance their quality of life.
Coaching is an interactive process that helps indi viduals and organizations to develop more rapidly and produce more satisfying results. As a result of coaching, clients set better goals, take more action, make better decisions, and more fully use their nat ural strengths. Coaches are trained to listen and observe, to cus tomize their approach to the individual client's needs, and to elicit solutions and strategies from the client. They believe that the coach's job is to provide support to enhance the skills, resources, and creativity that the client already has. While the coach provides an objective perspective, the client is responsible for taking the steps to produce the results he or she desires. C2008 GOALJQPC
Section One
The ICF goes on to describe the coaching sessions: In each meeting, the client chooses the focus of conversation while the coach listens and contrib utes observations and questions. This interaction creates clarity and moves the client into action. Coachi ng accelerates the cIient's progress by providi ng greater focus and awareness of choice. Coaching concentrates on where clients are today and what they are willing to do to get where they want to be tomorrow. How does coaching differ from other professions? As Ian Elfline, Master Certified Coach, says: Like counseling, it is client centered and individ ual. Like consulting, it is outcome oriented, deal ing in visions and actions. The major difference between masterful training, therapy, consulting, or mentoring and masterful coaching can be de scribed quite simply. The coach does not have the answers. The coach does not provide expertise. A coach operates from the presupposition that clients have all the resources they need, includ ing the ability to discover and utilize resources. Coaching allows clients to work and think more consciously and deliberately. It increases aware ness of the choices that the client makes and how those choices contribute to the quality of their lives. The coach provides support for the client to develop capabilities, widen behavioral flexibility, try the unfamiliar, and venture into new territory. Through taking action, clients become aware-at a deep level-of their ability to make choices, take
Co..ching in the Workplace I 02008 GOAUQPC
action, and to create their lives. The credit goes to the client. not the coach. The late Thomas Leonard, one of the pioneers in the field of coaching, suggested that the purpose of coaching is to set more effective achievable goals, accomplish more than you would have with out coaching, and to stay focused to achieve better results more quickly.
Neuro-Linguistic Programming Many of the techniques and processes described in this book are derived from Neuro-Linguistic Pro gramming (NLP). NLP began as a solution-oriented model of effectiveness and was originally used main ly as a technique in cognitive behavioral psychology. In this sense, it has always been closely affiliated with coaching. Since NLP studies the structure of experience, it can be applied in any human activity and has been used successfully in counseling psy chology, education, business, law, and many other fields. lohn Grinder and Richard Bandler developed the concept of NLP at the University of California at Santa Cruz in the mid-1970s. Since then, many peo ple have contributed to the field. For more informa tion on the subject. the book NLP' The New Technology
of Achievement is a good place to begin. NLP and coaching are a perfect marriage. NLP offers a powerful framework for understanding people and a set of specific techniques useful in coaching. NLP is a field of study and can be applied in many ways, while coaching is a vehicle to help a person move
Cl2008 GOAUQPC
Section One
5
from the present to a desired future. NLP provides specific "how to" skills to create change in one's self and assist others in becoming more resourceful and effective. The following table summarizes the rela tionship between NLP and coaching.
NLPis
• A field of study • A behavioral technology • A collection of change techniques • A methodology
Coaching is
• A vehicle and an application of NLP and other communication models
• A method of getting from one place to another
• A skill set
6
The Coach-Client Relationship Throughout the book, we will refer to the person being coached as the client. Coaches are often hired from outside a company to work with employees. A company's Human Resources (HR) department or
Employee
Assistance
Program
(EAP)
may
provide coaching services to employees; in such cases your client may actually be your subordinate, a co-worker, or a colleague. We use the term "client" to help distinguish the coach-client relationship as opposed to other work relationships, such as the manager�mployee re lationship. As a manager, the employee reports to you and works for you. As a coach, you "work" for the client. It's your job to help bring out the best in the client. It is critical to define the coaching
relationship
so
that the employee under,
stands the roles and how to use coaching. The main difference
between
coach
ing and other approaches, such as counseling, is that the coach does not provide the answers. The entire goal of coaching is to bring out what is within the client, tapping into the client's own inner wisdom, strength. and talent-to bring out the best in the person. The specifics of the coaching relationship are defined through the coach contract.
02008 GOAUQPC
Section One
7
Who Provides Coaching Although the material in this book may be useful in any coaching relationship, it is intended primarily for coaching employees in a company. The coach, and his relationship to the employee, will affect the coaching relationship. There are many possible re lationships:
• A manager to whom the employee directly reports In this case, the manager and employee have an
employer-employee
relationship,
which
limits the coaching relationship. The manager/ coach will never be a pure coach, although coaching principles and practices can be in corporated into the relationship. Coaching will be directed toward performance enhancement and employee development The client, howev er, will always be aware that she is talking with the boss, and this will limit possible topics and client openness.
• Another employee in the organization to whom the employee does not report, usually someone in H R or EAP The HR or EAP coach can function more like an independent coach, but the relationship will still be limited because the coach represents the employer. Coaching will still be directed primarily toward performance enhancement and employee development But this relation ship also allows some openness for the em ployee to discuss more personal topics, as well as his dreams and work concerns. The client, however, will still be aware that he is talking 8
C();Iching in the Workpl�ce I C2008 GOAUQPC
with someone in the organization, and this will likely affect openness.
• An outside coach paid by tfle company to coach tfle employee An outside coach is closer to the ideal coaching relationship; however, this coach is paid by the organization and, ultimately, has two clients: the one being coached and the one who hired the coach. This will affect the coaching relation ship with the client to a certain degree, espe cially if the client knows or feels that the coach is reporting to someone in the organization.
• An ou tside coach paid by tfle employee This is the purest coaching relationship be cause the employee hires and has the power to fire the coach. The coach clearly works for the client. Of course, in all these cases the coaching re:ation ship depends on the alliance created between the coach and client and on the coach's ability to build trust. A manager/coach who builds trust and designs a powerful alliance with a client may create a better coaching relationship than an outside coach. Trust in the relationship with the client is essen tial to all effective coaching. The coach encourages the client to share dreams, personal strengths, and life challenges during the coaching process. Trust is built by clarifying roles and expectations for the coaching process and by getting feedback about what is or isn't working for the client. When a coach is also a client's manager, such trust building can 02008 GOAUQPC
Section One
9
be additionally challenging. Even with the best rela tionship between employee and ma nager. the dual role of manager/coach will a ffect the coaching pro cess. The cl ient w i l l a l ways be aware that the coach is also the boss. and this w i l l l i kely cause the e m ployee t o censure what he shares d u ring the coach ing process. The manager/coach should be aware of and sensitive to this fact. As a coach. it is best to deal with this up front by discussing how you w i l l manage the dual roles and the kinds of topics that you can ethically and rea sonably address. Usual ly. man ager/coaches focus the coac h i ng process on work-related topics. such as performance enhancement. managing workplace relationsh i ps. and career goals. The ethics of coach ing req u i re the coach to keep session content confi dential as far as i s a l l owed by law. However. i n t h i s d u a l relation ship, t h e manager/coach's abil ity to keep confidences may be affected by his obligation to report some kinds of information. Despite these obstacles. there are significant benefits to actively b u i l di ng trust with your employee/cl ients Trust:
t Establishes a strong coach-client all iance t Eases client concerns about sharing issues, goals. and dreams
t Creates a foundation for effective coaching
10
Coaching i n the Workplace I Cl OO8 GOAUQPC
Many activities contribute to trust building:
t C l a rifying roles t Creating the coaching a l l iance t Meeting the client's criteria for a coach t Building rapport t Professional ism t Com petency t Confide ntial ity t Ongoing responsiveness t Holding or support ing the cl ient's agenda t Follow-up on previous session items t Feedback. monitoring. and adj usting thE coaching process and relationship
Coaching Opportun ities As described. the manager/coach faces several chal lenges that an outside coach would not. But there are two d istinct cha l lenges that bear more mention. I. Incorporating coachi n g i nto t h e relationship with the employee. Thi s may i nclude:
t Integrating coach i ng concepts and skills into the managing role. A manager does not need 02008 GOAUQPC
Section One
II
to define a separate relationsh ip with em ployees; she may merely incorporate coach i ng practices and principles into the process of managing.
t Sett i ng up a distinct role as a coach with an employee. A manager may set up coaching times with emp loyees a nd function explicitly as a coach d u ring these times. This requi res that the manager effectively "switch hats" to mai nta i n the power of each role. 2. Knowing when to coach employees. The man
ager must identify coach i n g opportun ities to use coaching s k i l l s appropriately o r know when to "switch hats" and step into a coach ing relation ship with an employee. Coaching opportunities i nclude ta lking about:
t E mployee development. career development. goal setti ng
t Mentoring. employee training. ski ll development
t E mployee motivation t Decision making t Creative problem solving t Confl ict resolution t Other topics that may be helpful or appropriate to specific employees
12
Coaching in me WorkpIilU I 02008 GOAUQPC
C oaching Tools Coach ing is a complex process that requires multi ple steDs in order to guide the client effectively. The coach relationsflip mind map and the coach sessiml overview give the coach t he tools to negotiate the process from start to fi nish. The coach relationship mind map is just that-a map that provides an overview of the entire coach ing process from i n itiating the coaching process to closure of the coaching relationship wit h a client. The coach uses this map to accomplish the major steps of coaching and to keep track of what to do next in the process. The coach can keep the larger picture in m i nd w h i l e attending to the specific needs of the client at each step along t he way. In the following i l l ustration, you'll see that most of the actual time with clients would be spent in the circle labeled CoaCHing Sessions. A separate mind map offer ing an overview of this process can be found at the beginning of Section 4, "Managing Client Sessions." 02008 GOAUQPC
Section Two
13
14
Coaching in me Workpbce I 02008 GOAL1QPC
"Ihe Coach Contract The relationship between the coach and the client is consciously crafted through a defined relation shi p agreement or coach i ng contract. ( I n the field of coach i ng, this is often referred to as a Designed Alliance because it is a formal relati onship of the contracted relationship through t i m e . ) This contract defines the roles of the parties and how the coach wi l l serve the client, i n such a way as to meet the client's goals and needs as they correspond to organizational activities. The primary role of the coach i s to ask high-qual ity, powerful questions that stimu late the client to set their own goals, find their own moti vation and keep on track, and then to revise or as sess those goals as thi ngs come up along the way The primary role of the client is to be open and com m i tted to the coach ing process as a means of personal and professional development. Som e aspects of the
coach i ng contract ( t h e
fre q u e n c y and duration o f c a l l s or meetings, the context-whether i n person or on the telephone) are set out at the beg i n n i n g of the coaching rela tions h i p a n d probably won't change. But much of the coach-client dynamic is fl uid and adapts as the client grows and changes. Th i s incl udes the primary focus of the coach ing content , the kinds of ques tions and interventions used by the coach, the de gree of accountabil ity, and how the coach can best serve the cI ient. What has worked in the past m ight not work in the current situation. The coach and client together eva luate and adj ust what they are doing and how ClOOS GOAUQPC
Section Two
15
it is affecting the progress of the client. Periodic adj ustments to the contracted relationship are con sciously discussed to make the coaching more pow erfu l . Successful coaching is truly a col l aborative process, and the cl ient contributes as m uch to the process as does the coach. The coach contract is a process of working out these relationsh i p dynam ics in a conscious man ner.
• A nu mber of coach ing questions can be used to create the initial contract:
• How do you want to use me as your coach? • Te l l me what you know about how you get motivated to take action.
• What help do you need to move more q uickly toward your goals?
• Do you want me to hold you accountable to take action?
• Do you want in-between assignments? • As the coach ing-client relationship develops, additional questions can be added:
• What is working? • What might we want to change?
16
Coaching in the Workplace I itnOO8 GOAUQPC
Coaching Cycles U n l i ke therapy or some forms of consulting, the coach ing agreement typically includes specific t i me parameters. These parameters, or coaching cycles, req u i re the coach and c l ient to review the coach ing relationship and adj ust or discontinue the relationship, depending on results and client needs. This is especia l ly helpful when coaching employees because it gives the em ployee the opportunity to define and manage the coaching relationship. A common coach i ng cycle i s th ree months. This is long enough to al low the coach and client to de velop a powerfu l coach ing relationship, but short enough to keep coach i ng focused and on track. At the end of the cycle, the coach and client hold a review session. This session al lows both parties to:
t Assess the client's progress towards agreed-upon goals
t Review accomplishments t Backtrack or review high lights of the coach ing process
t Revisit the cl ient's values and, if appropriate, l i fe as a whole to put coaching i nto perspective
t Determ i ne whether or not to conti n ue for another cycle of coach ing
© 2 008 GOAUQPC
Section Two
17
If the coach and client decide to continue, they should:
• Recontract for a n additional t h ree-month cycle
• Monitor and adjust the coachi ng relationship • Identify what has worked and what m ight need adj usting in the coaching process
• Determ i n e whether or not to change the primary focus
If closing the coaching relationship, the coach should:
• Ask the client for feedback about his coaching skills
• Determi ne the next steps for the client • If the coach is independent of the company, get a test i mo n i a l from the cl ient ( i f it i s ap propriate and he is w i l l ing) and get referral s from t h e client
Intake The intake or foundation meeting is your oppor tun ity to d i scover what is i m portant to the client and how you can serve her as a coach. The val ue of taking time with the intake meeting cannot be 18
COOKhin& in the Worlq>lace I 02008 GOAUQPC
overstated. This meeting al lows you to define your role and to co-create the coaching relationship. As a profession a l , you should be clear about the ground rules i n the coach ing relationship, what you expect from the client, and what the client can count on from you. Discuss confidential ity and the ethic; and standards that guide you r behavior. Coac h i ng is not a packaged service or product but a relationship that is u n ique to each client. The two of you will tailor an allia nce that is i n tended to serve the client. Invite her to make requests a n d ask for changes in the ongoing coach ing rel ationship, even if a company is paying the b i l l . The i ntake meeting d i ffers from later coaching i n t h a t y o u ( t h e coach) w i l l b e setting the agenda for the appointment. You may have written work that the client will do before or d u ring the i n take ap pointment. You wi l l decide what information you want from the cl ient and how to use the t i me. Decide how long the session will be. Typical intake appointments are one and a half to two hours. What ever you decide for your overa l l t i me frame, get clear how much time you wi l l a l l ot to each part. However, do remember that this is a map and that few if any appointments will follow the plan exactly. Schedule an i ntake with yourself a n d fine-tune your t i m i ng, your "scri pt," and your intake packet. Then you ' l l be ready to ca l l friends, acquainta nces, a n d other contacts and invite t hem to h i re you as their coach !
@2008 GOAUQPC
Section Two
19
Why use it? • To establish a coaching relationship and create a coach i n g contract with empl oyees. colleagues. or coworkers
• To provide the foundation for effective coaching
What does it do? • Defines the role of the coach and the client • Establishes the structure for the coach i ng process
• Provides opport u n ity to explore the client's strengths. talents. and values
• Defines the i n itial goals or the primary focus of the coach i ng process
How do I do it?
• Set u p a meet i n g to begin the coaching re lationship. which should al low enough time to cover these topics;
• Defi ne the coaching relationship • I f the coach has a dual relati onship with the cl ient ( such as a manager coaching an employee). determine how the man ager/coach will "switch hats" d u ri n g the coach ing session 20
COilchin, in the Workplace I 02008 GOAUQPC
t Di scover the client's s t rengths, talents, and values
t Identify the cl ient's overa l l goals t Pick one to th ree goals to use as a pri mary focus for the coaching
t Determ ine how the client wants to use you as a coach
t Decide how the client w i l l be held accou ntable What makes coac h i ng d i fferent from managing is that the manager/coach and c l ient/employee co create the coaching relationship. The manager must switch from a "man ager hat" to a "coach hat" and enter in to a relationship with the employee as a "cli ent." This means that the employee takes the lead in determ i n i ng the direction and course of the coach i ng content. In other words, the goals are defined by the cI ient, not by the manager. To coach effectively as a m anager:
t Define the coaching relationship (see the earlier section , "The Coach Contract"). This step defines the roles, clarifies expectations, and provides an opport u n i ty to design the a l l iance that you will have with the client.
t Determine how the manager/coach will switch hats. This step is necessary when the manager is also a supervisor of the employee. This means that the manager cannot truly function as a coach
02008 GOAUQPC
Section Two
21
in the purest sense of the word (see the next sec tion. "Switch i ng Hats" ) .
t D i scover the cl ient's strengths. talents. a n d va l ues. This is where you get to know the client. learn what is i m porta nt. and what motivates him. I t is worth the t i me to spend t h i rty m i n utes to a n hour on this part of the i ntake. This will a l low the client to s h i ne and give you lots of valuable i n formation you can use in coaching him successfu lly.
t Traits: Ask the client to prepare in advance a list of what he perceives as h i s personal strengt hs. Th i s can incl ude q u a l ities and traits. special abil ities and ski l l s . or other person a l assets. Go over the list with h i m a n d encourage h i m t o expand on it.
t Values: Ask the client what is important to him in general a n d in relation to work. A simple way to do this is to ask: What d o you want in a job? What is i m portant to you in your career? Discuss these values and ask how he knows when he i s fulfil led.
t The Wheel at Work: Have the client create a pic ture of the major roles and functions that he fulfi l ls on the job and to determ i n e how well he performs in each area. Th is i s purely a self-assessment and can be useful in helping the client to develop a more wel l-bala nced ski l l set.
22
Coachi"S in the Workpbce I ClOO8 GOAUQPC
t Motivation: An excellent tool at this point is the meta-program assessment (see the sec tion on meta-programs, p. 38).
t Identify the client's overal l goals. Ask the client to describe long- and short-term goals for career and person a l devel opment.
t Career: What are the client's long-term ca reer goals? Where would he l i ke to be in five years? In ten years? What are the client's more i mmediate goals within the company? What are the client's ambitions?
t Personal development: What skills and abi li ties wou ld the client l i ke to develop? What personal qualities or traits would he want to c u l tivate? What leaders or others might serve as role models or mentors to h i m ?
t A s k t h e cl ient to pick o n e t o th ree goals to u s � as a primary focus for the coaching process.
t Determine how thi s person wants to use you as a coach. Ask h i m what they want in you as a coach a n d how he would know that the coach ing is help ful. This provides guideli nes for you to use when coac h i ng the client. Remember, though, that coachin g is a n evolving process and the question should be revisited periodica l l y.
t Decide how the cl ient wants to be held account able.
C2008 GOAUQPC
Section Two
23
Switching Hats One of the keys to success as a manager/coach is flexibi lity. It is useful to be able to switch your role a n d you r relationship with yo ur employees to suit specific situations a n d to get the best results. The downside of flexibil ity is the perception that the manager is inconsistent. One way to manage t h i s impression is to let people know that you are switching roles a n d , if appropriate, explain why. On several occasions, we've mentioned the im portance of switching hats for those in a manager/ coach role. As the idiom goes, a supervisor "wears many hats . " You can use this common understand ing (at least a m ong English speaking people) to let your employees know what role you are playing and when you are switching roles. Here is a Simple way to distinguish these two roles: Manager:
Di rects employees about what to do a n d structu res t h e i r ti me/activities. A manager imposes rules from the outside onto the emp loyee.
Coach:
Asks empl oyees questions and draws out the employee's ski l l s , talents, a n d resou rces. A coach elicits what is inside the employee.
24
Coaching in the Workplace I ClODS GOAUQPC
These roles should be marked out carefully Such a definition of roles serves several pu rposes:
t Maintains clarity of roles t Models a method for managing changing roles in relationships
t Anchors and accesses role states and resources This definition of roles can be ach ieved via several methods:
t Simply tell your client you are switching roles t Actually play act that you are removing one hat and putting on another
t Change physiology to match each role t If possible and appropriate, use a different office or chairs for each role
The Universal Cycles of Change One way to t h i n k about coaching is that it helps the client manage the change in his or her l i fe in a conscious way. The Un iversal Cycles of Change is a description of change developed primarily by Kris tine H a l l bom. It is a n incredibly useful model for recognizing that cha nge is not only inevitable and impossible to avoid, but it has predictable cycles If change is not considered or managed, as far as is possible, it will st i l l happen, but t ypically in a more !02008 GOAUQPC
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chaotic way. One of the great thi ngs about coaching is this: good coaching will fac i l i tate more positive change and a smoother experience.
t To educate yourself a n d your client on the nature of change
t To assess where the client is at in the cycles of change
t To help the client recognize that change is inevitable and has a n identifiable structure
t To help the client m a n age change more ef fectively through mai ntai n i ng the awareness of change
�o� ) ______________________ �b���d t They identify steps in the change process. t They offer a "diagnostic" and predictive tool for gauging client status in the cha nge process.
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How dQ J use it? The U n i versal Cycles of Change provide a major framework for coaching. By recognizing that change will occur and respecting t he cycles of change, you can coach someone to help them move t h rough their l ives in a better way The U n iversal Cycles of Change is an ongoing process that's been happen i ng in our u n iverse for about 13.5 b i l l ion years, so it's a rea l l y old model. We have observed seven Univer sal Cycles of Change that occur in a l l l iving systems such as p l a nts, trees, stars, cells, and animals. You can a l so see these same cycles occurring in most nonliving systems such as cars, houses, computers, and the economy. The Un iversal Cycles of Change ca n also be found w i t h i n a l l aspects of h u m a n l i fe and behavior. They happen in marriages, in busin ess. with health, with fa mil ies, with various states of mind, and so on. We go t h rough these cycles every day and every year of our l ife. Being aware of t h ese cycles can help us to consciously create the kinds of l i fe experiences that we want, and to bring forth the rea l ity of our choices. People who do wel l i n l i fe are naturally attuned to these cycles of change. Seven phases of the Un iversal Cycles of Change that have been identified follows:
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t Creation-This cycle is about new begi nni ngs. Everything has a starting point. and typically that point begins with an idea , an action, or a blue print. Some examples of this include starting a busi ness, having a baby, investing in your first stock or fu n d , creating an idea for a book or a painting, building your fi rst house, getting mar ried, buying a new car, planting the seeds for a vegetable garden, or the Big Bang (t he beg i n n i ng of our un iverse as we know itl.
t Growth-When a system begi ns to grow and de velop, it also becomes "self orga nizi ng." What this means is that the initial creation begins to take shape or form. New patterns of behavior start to develop, a nd the system self organizes itself around the original creation. For example, a new busi ness develops a wonderful marketing plan, the stock that you've invested in begins to rise in price, the sma l l tree that you've pla nted shows signs of growth, you i nstall fancy hubcaps and new seat covers in yo u r car, or you r child speaks their fi rst words and takes their first steps.
t Com p l exity-As a system begins to take shape and form t h rough continued growth, it becomes more complex to the point where it reaches a "steady state." A system operates at its best when it i s in a steady state. Some examples of a steady state are when t h i ngs a re going except iona lly well in your job, when an athlete enters into the zone, when the tree that you have planted is sprout ing beautiful green leaves, when your marriage is going i ncredibl y wel l, the car that you bought is C1OO8 GOAUQPC
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running great, the stock that you have i nvested in has made a big j u m p in the right d i rection, or when you ' re feeling good about yourself and ev eryth i n g in your l i fe.
t Turbulence-W hen the system becomes too complex in its growth and development. prob lems begin to develop and turbul ence sets in. Turbu lence is considered feedback from the envi ronment. saying that the system's complex state can no longer be supported-and that somet h i ng has to be reorga nized, changed, or e l i m i nated. For example, you may have h i red someone to work for you a n d that person isn't working out, you may start noticing some serious com m u n ica tion problems in your ma rriage that are affecting your i ndividual health and well-being, the leaves on the tree that you planted begin to change col or, you may have i nvested in a stock that begins to drop, you develop a m i nor phYSical symptom that is distract ing, you notice signs of depression or dissatisfaction in your l i fe, or your car starts making funny l i ttle sounds.
t Chaos-This is when the system completely falls apart and chaos sets i n . For exa m p l e, the leaves on the tree turn brown and shrivel up, the trou blesome employee acts out to the point where the overa l l wel fare of the business is t h reatened, the stock that you bought takes a huge drop, your marriage is completely fa ll ing apart. you get se riously i l l , or the funny sound that your car was making turns i nto a loud choking sound and grey blue smoke starts blowing out the tail pipe. 30
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t Droppi ngs Off-Sometimes l i fe becomes so com plex that chaos sets in and you have to drop off something to help the system rega in its overall balance. For example. when the snake sheds its skin or the leaves d rop off the tree-these are considered to be d roppings off. Even having to replace a part on you r car is a form of dropping off or a form of reorganization. In order to move for ward through a diffi c u l t l i fe challenge. you often need to let go of a l i m i ting belief. a dysfunctional relationsh ip. change a behavior. or reorganize how you view the world. thus making the space in your l i fe to create somet hing wonderfu l l y new. All l i fe forms in this un iverse. such as t rees. snakes. and even stars. al low for this natural dropping off cycle to occur; even nonliving forms. such as computers with ani mated trash bins. The pu rpose of the trash bin is to get rid of extra information on the hard drive because it lakes up too much space. H u man beings are the only ones that resist these natural cycles of change
t Dormancy-The way a system regains its balance is to e l i m i nate something. Then it can rej uvenate itself d uring the dormancy phase. thus a l lowing itself to recycle back up to a new evolutionary level of creation. J ust as the tree stands without leaves in the cold winter. we sometimes need to go to a p lace of meditation and i n ner s i lence. It might be uncomfortable for a while. but it can be very hea l i n g to q u iet one's m i nd or to lay low for a whi le. Before you can move forwa rd. you need to give yourself plenty of being time to renew and rejuvenate. Once you've done this. you can 02008 GOAUQPC
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become creative aga i n . You will have dropped off what was holding you back. Yet you ' l l still have a l l the knowledge a n d wisdom that was gained from the whole experience. This sets the tone for a whole new cycle of creativity and growth This is the fi nal cycle in wh ich the system rega ins its bal a nce, wh ich will al low it to recycle back u p into . . Creation. The system now has less mass, yet more energy be cause it contains a l l the learning from t h e previous cycles. Everything in our u n iverse evolves and grows and has been doing so for b i l l ions of years. Part of t h i s natural evol utionary process i ncludes going t h rough di fferent states of change. Let's consider a tree, since it is a fam i l i ar example of the Universal Cycles of Change. The first cycle that a tree goes t h rough is that of creation, which happens when a seed gets planted. Then the tree grows-if it has been provided with enough water and sunshine to grow. Over time the tree reaches a steady state of maturity i n which a l l of its leaves have beautifully blossomed. Then autumn sets in; the leaves beg in to change color. They turn brown and drop to the grou n d . After this happens, the leafless tree is dormant But then spring comes around and the tree sprouts new leaves. The whole process of creation begi n s aga i n . Because at some point a l l l iving system s get too complex in their growth and development, they must undergo some kind of a dropping off to re gain their balance. We can learn a lot by modeling trees. Have you ever been wa lking by a t ree while 32
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its leaves are fal l i ng off? Do you hear the tree cry ing out, "Pleeeease, don't let my leaves fall off!" Of course not Th is never happens. The tree has mas tered the art of dropping off and recycl ing back up to creation. Snakes do the same when they shed their ski n . We've never known of a snake to resist the pro cess. Even computers have trash bins where excess i n formation that slows down your hard drive can be d ropped off. I n terestingly, there is only one l iving system that re sists this 1 5-billion-year-o ld process of change. This system a l l ows itself to stay stuck in t u rbulence and chaos for extended periods of time, refusing to drop off what needs to be dropped off. Can you guess wh ich system it is? H u man beings, of course. People are the only li ving systems that allow them selves to stay stuck in t u rbulence and chaos. They are the only living systems that w i l l not drop off whatever needs to be d ropped off in their life. We see this resistance happen ing a lot in relationships, ca reer, and health. One man shared an amazing rea l ization that he had about the Un iversal Cycles of Change and how they related to h i m . This man had a teenage daughter with whom he had been unable to communicate ef fectively or happily for several years. After learning about the Un iversal Cycles of Chdnge, he told us:
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I fi n a l l y understand why I have been having so many problems with my 1 7-year-old daughter. I n my mind I stil l think of her as a little child. I am now rea liz ing that I need to "drop off" my perception of her as a c h i l d and start treating her l i ke a young adult. I t makes complete sense to me why there has been so much turbu l ence and chaos in our relationship over the last couple of years.
In this example, it's not l i ke the man could j ust "drop off" the relationship with h i s child. H i s o n l y option was to reorganize who he was within the context of the relationsh ip. As soon as he stopped treating her l i ke a little girl. and began treating her l i ke an adult, their rel ationship got better. The magic i n what he did with his daughter can be found within the struc ture of his internal experience. When he shifted his internal representation of her as being a little girl into a representation of her as an adult, she started acting like an adult. By doing this, he was able to cre ate an enti rely new experience with h i s daug hter. A woman described a powerful experience that she had with her chi ldren and the U n iversal Cycles of Cha nge model. She told us excitedly:
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I j ust have to tell you about the fun niest thing that happened to me last night. After I learned the U n iversal Cycles of Change model, I made the decision that I needed to "drop off" the co-dependent relationship that I have with my five adult children. Even though my children are grown up, they are a l l so needy. I felt l i ke my l i fe was a l l about
them and there was n o room for me. On my drive home last night, I set the intent to release the
co-dependence that has been keep i n g me en meshed with my chi ldren for so many years. After I got home, a l l "chaos" broke
loose. One by one, each c h i l d phoned m e w i t h some major crisis. One of my children's cars broke down, another had j ust broken up with a boyfriend, another was having a bad day, and so on. The phone j ust kept ri nging off the hook with their problems. I told each child one by one that they were respon02008 GOAUQPC
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sible for themselves from now on a n d that they w i l l need to solve their own problems.
At this point in the story, she was glowing as she contin ued on to say: I just wanted to tell you that today is the beg i n n i n g of the rest of my l ife. I a m no longer co-dependent with m y chi ldren and I can have my l i fe back! I am going to go back to school and I am also going to start pa i nting aga i n , and doing the kinds of thi ngs that make me happy. I am gOing to start living my l i fe for me now, i nstead of for every one else.
So often people are afraid to make changes, because they are worried about throwing their lives into t u r bulence and chaos. I n the case of the English wom an, she was worried that her grown c h i l d ren wou l d feel resentment toward h e r if s h e w a s n o t always f u l l y present for them. Instead of bei n g present for her c h i ldre n , she ended up resenting them because she wasn't getting to live the l i fe she wanted. Once she released her chi ldren from the co-dependent bonds, 36
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she was able to create a new way of interacting with them. And in doing so, she found that she could be more present for her chil dren because she felt more spiritually fu lfil led in her l i fe. As mentioned earl ier, the Un iversal Cycles of Change inn uence a l l the areas of our l ives. The primary life a reas that they affect are:
' ((Ie
'\
,
When you assess each area of your l i fe, which Uni versal Cycle of Change are you experiencing in that context? If any of your areas are in turbulence or chaos, you may want to ask you rself,"What are some t h i ngs that I need to drop off so that I can bring my l i fe back into balance?" It doesn't always have to be a dramatic dropping off. You can drop off somethin g as simple as read i ng the morning newspaper or drinking a diet soda every day. Some other examples of t h i ngs that may need to be dropped off are behaviors, beliefs, ClOO8 GOAUQPC
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attitudes, ways of th inking, perceptions, habits, jobs, and relationships. Our outer rea lity i s a reflection of ou r inner reality. What nature can d o for us is serve as a pe rfect mod el for creating the l i fe we wa nt, as w e l l as showing us how to evolve to higher levels of personal and spiritual fu lfi l lment. The answers to creating what we want in l i fe can be found by becom ing aware of the Universal Cycles of Change and applying them to various areas in our l ives. There is n o reason why we can't harness the same kind of creative poten tial that exists within t h e seed of a plant or a star in our galaxy. In a n i n terview with m u lti-bi l l i o n a i re Bi l l Gates, Barbara Wal ters asked, " N ow that you're the richest man in the world and you can have anyt h i ng you desire, what more cou l d you possibly want?" Gates replied, "To never stop changing. Whatever I do to day, will be considered history tomorrow. I have to make sure that I never stop creating, and that I am always changing." Please see pg. 206 for a li st of suggested read ings.
Meta-Progra ms Meta-programs are subconscious mental-emotional filters that determ ine what you attend to, what you sort for, and what you respond to in l i fe. These pat terns identify how you process information and what motivates you to act. Meta-program profi l i ng is espe cially helpful for coach ing employees because meta programs also d i rectly apply to the work situation. 38
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t Uses language to draw out a person's model of the world, which i s below the surface of thinking.
t Creates change in a person's experience to expand his model of the world, creating more options for thi nking, deciding, and understa ndi ng. Every word is an anchor for a deeper and often richer set of meani ngs. For each l istener, the same set of words wi l l create different images that a re depen dent upon his experience. So if I say, "She showed me something," what literal representations do you have in your mind? Who is she? What is she showing me? How is she showing it to me? You m ight ask, "Who is showing you what and how are they show ing it to you?" I could then respond , "My dog Penny s howed me her puppy by carry i ng it to me in her mouth." The meta-model distinctions fall into th ree identify ing sets:
t Gathering I nformation ( Deletions) t Noun Deletions (who, what, which, where, or when is left out)
t Comparative Deletions (there is an impl ied compa riso n )
t Lack of Referential Index ( u nspecified per son , place, or thing)
t U n specified Processes (the ' how" of it is unclear-the process i s vague)
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• Nominal izations ( a n active process is men tally changed into a static t h i ng )
t L i m i t s of t h e Speaker's Model (Generalizations) • U n i versal Ouantifiers: Absolutes ( a l l , always, never, nobody, a n d s o on )
• Modal Operators of Necessity ( s hould, must have to, and so on )
t Modal Operators of I m possibil ity (can't, i m possible, not able to, and so on)
• Lost Performatives (overgeneral ized j u dgments)
• Semantic I l l-Formedness • Cause and Effect (a claim that something outside of a person is causing him to have an emotional response)
• M i nd Reading ( a claim that one knows what a nother is th i n ki ng or feeling)
t Presuppositions (assumptions that are im pl ied i n the speaker's language)
How do I do it? To learn to use the meta-mod e l , you need to be able to hear the distinctions and respond with an appro priate meta-model question. 88
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distinctions The meta-model is a set of linguistic distinctions that allows you to understand a speaker's experience and get more predse infoonation about the person's -map or model" of the world.
distinctions fall into 3 sets
Gathering infoonation
appro priat. meta-model qu.stion
For each linguistic cue, there is a speci fie question that allows you to gather information, challenge limitations, or fill in gaps in the speaker's presentation.
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Simple Deletion With simple deletions, the subject and/or object of the sentence is missing or unclear. To recover it, ask, "Who or what, specifica l ly?" Sam p l e:"I' m happy." Meta-model response:
"About what, specifically?"
Unspecified "Who" (Referential Index) In this instance, words a n d phrases in the speaker's lang uage do not identify w h o is being referred to. I f t h e word o r phrase fails t o identify a specific person or t h ing, the l istener has identified a genera l ization. Meta-model inqu iry: "Who, specifically?" or "What, specifica l ly?" or "Which ___, specifica l ly?" Samp l e : "They said to contact you . " Meta-model response:
"
W ho , specifically, said to con
tact me.?"
Comparative Deletions Com parative deletions occur when an i m pl ied com parison is being made in the speaker's mind, but it is not clear what is being compared to what. Some of the key words to listen for incl ude "enough," "too," "better," "best," and "most." The meta-model response is "As compared to what (or whom )?"
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Sa mple: "This computer is too expensive," Meta-model response:
"It's too expensive compa red to
what?"
Nominalizations Nominalizations occur when an active process is changed into a static thing, The pu rpose of recog nizing nominal izations is to assist the speaker in reconnecting his l i nguistic model with the ongo ing processes in his experience, When nominal iza tions are used, static images are created in the mind of the l i stener and speaker The use of the meta model, in this case, turns the static images into mov ing pictures, which provides a lot more information at the conscious leve l. You can turn a static image into a mental movie by changing the nominal ized word to an active word using an "ing" fo rm, For example, change "relat ionship" to "relating," " i n for mation" to "informing," and so on When something can't easily be turned into an "ing" word, you can ask, "How, specifically?" Sam ple: "Mary i s awfu l l y passive for a being such a free-spirited person,"
"How, exaclly, is Mary passive?" "What do you mean by 'free spirited'?"
Meta-model response:
Sample: "My confusion prevents me from moving ahead," Meta-model response:
"What is confusing you, and
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Unspecified Verbs U nspecified verbs are those that lack the specific ity needed for the listener to completely understand the exact or true mea n i ng i ntended in the commu n ication. (All verbs can be further specified . ) The meta-model i n q u i ry is " H ow. specifica l ly?" Sam p l e : "My father scares me." Meta-model response:
"Scares you how""
Universal Quantifiers U n iversal quantifiers are absolutes in the l i nguis tic world. These are phrases such as "never," " a l l , " "every," "always," and "no o n e . " They a r e words that overgeneralize based on a few experiences to a whole class of experience. One way to use the meta-model with absolutes is to backtrack the absolute word, but exaggerate it with your tone of voice: "ALL? Re a l ly?" Another way is to c h u n k down the generaliza tion by asking "who (or what) specifically?" Sample: "This person never arrives anywhere on time ! " Meta-model response: " N EVER?" " I t i s y o u r experi ence that he is never on time?" "For anything? ! "
Sam p l e : " I t is impossible t o get anything done on ti me." Meta-model response: "Has there ever been a time when you did get something done on time?"
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The procedure can be outli ned in two steps:
I . Listen to the speaker's language, identifying universal quanti fiers. 2. I n q u i re about the un iversality of the general
ization. Sample: "You work all the t i m e ! " Meta-model response: "I
work A L L the time? Is that
truly you r experience?"
Modal Operators of Necessity Modal operators of necessity are statements identi fying rules about or lim its to a person's behavior. Ex amples of modal operators related to necessity are "should/shouldn't," "must/must not," and "have to." To i n q u i re about these li mits, ask, "What stops you?" or "What would ha ppen if you did (di dn't ) ?" Asking "What stops you?" helps the person to t h i n k about what experience ( s j he had i n which h e cre ated this genera lization. Asking "What would hap pen if you did ( d idn't)?" gets the speaker to consider consequences. Avoid asking "Why?" It might work to u nearth high-quality i n formation, but more often will instigate defensiveness, explanations, or iusti fications, Sample: "I have to get everyt hing done." Meta-model response:
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Sample: "I should n't tell them how I feel about that." Meta-model response:
"What would happen if
you did?" Sample: "Our new project must be completed by year's end ! " Meta-model response: "please tell me, what would happen if it isn't completed?"
Modal Operators of Impossibility Modal operators of impossibility are statements that describe what is considered i m possible in the speaker's own map of the world. They are identified by words such as "can't," " i m possible," "not pos sible," and so on. Many people l i m i t t h e i r world u n n ecessarily by thi nking something d i fficult or u n fami l i a r is " i m possible." It is often usefu l to chal lenge this l i mited t h i n king by asking, "What wou l d happen i f y o u could?" Notice h o w t h e s e questions are typical l y more useful than asking "Why?," which often leads to rationalizations, defensiveness, or ex planations. Sample: " I can't apply for the promotion." Meta-model response:
"What is stopping you from
applying?"
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Lost Performatives Lost performatives (where the performer is not iden t i fi e d ) are j udgments that a person makes that she bel ieves to be true about the world. These are gener a l izations based on her own map of the world. They are identified by words such as "best," " good," " bad," "stupid," "annoying," " right," " wrong," '·true," "false," and so on. To i n q u i re about a lost performative, ask: "For whom?" or "Accordi ng to whom?" or even (gen tly) "Who says?" You can also ask for evidence: "How do you know?" The mental strategy for using t he meta-model in q u iry with lost performatives can be described in th ree steps: I . Listen to the speaker's la nguage for generaliza tions about the world-these are identified with words in the same class as stupid, annoying, right, wrong, true, false, and so on. 2 . Identify that this is a generalization about the
speaker's model of the world. 3 . Since this is a generalization about the model and not about the world, the coach (effective commu nicator) may help the speaker to develop more possibil ities within his model .
Sample: "It's bad to be late." Meta-model response:
"Bad for whom?"
Sample: "Th i s is the right way to behave." ClOOS G<WJQPC
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Meta-model response: "Tliis is tlie riglit way for wliom to do it?"
Cause and Effect A cause and effect statement is made when a person clai m s that someone or some situation or some thing is creating an internal response in h i m that does not exist in reality or a case where the connec tion is not clear. The meta-model i n q u i ry is. " H ow does X cause y?" Sam p l e : "This music an noys me."
Meta-model response: "How exactly does tliis music cause you to be a nnoyed?" Samp l e : "He makes me mad."
Meta-model response: "How does liis beliavior make you mad?"
M i n d Reading Mind reading happens when know what another individual what is motivating the other specific com m u nication from what is in his m i n d .
a person claims to is t h i nking or knows person without any the speaker about
T h e meta-model inquiry for this pattern is. " H ow d o y o u know X ? " T h i s provides a way for the speaker to become aware of and even to question those as sumptions that h e may have taken for granted. 96
Ceri ence mean to you?" 5. Identify a positive intention for the long story: "I know you're going somewhere important with this story; what is it that you are real l y wanting now?"
W..hy� useitL I ntruding as a useful ski l l for maki ng the best use of coaching time.
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l:! Exercise
Your c l ient is tel l i n g a long, ra m b l i ng story-some t h i ng he can go on and on about. As he tells the story, remember that your job as a coach is to i n ter rupt h i m and help to change the course of the story by trying out d ifferent coach i ng ski l ls . Ask h i m to summarize: "What does that mean to you?"
Inquiry What is it? M i lton Erickson, considered one of the world's fore most hypnotherapists and one of the early models for N L P, kept a n u m ber of objects in h i s office: small ornaments, u n usual penci ls, little figurines, and so on. At the end of a therapeutic session, M i lton wou ld often h a n d h i s cl ient an object, tel l i n g the cli ent that there is something with deep meaning for h i m in the object and that he s h o u l d concentrate on it between t h e i r sessions. The c l i e n t would of ten find that something i mportant bubbled up from his unconscious min d through t h i s experience. As a coaching ski l l , i n q u i ry taps i n to this idea .
Why use it? This is a powerful way for the client to maintain a conscious focus on a new way of being in the world.
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What does it do? I n q u i ry is a question for renection and self-d iscov ery. With your i nqu iry. you offer a question to a cli ent for h i m to ponder until you meet aga in It is not necessari ly a question that has a "right" answer. I nquiry questions could i nclude:
• "What is my state of m i nd when I ' m doing my best?"
• "What am I postponi ng?" • "What am I holding back?" • "What do I say yes to. and what do I say no to?"
• "What am I sett l i n g for?" • "What do I rea l l y want here and now?" The book Coaclive Coaching has a long list of inquiry questions. Some coaches maintain lists of in qu iry q uestions from which they can choose.
::; Exercise
Working in a sma l l group. brainstorm several useful i n q u i ry questions for the following coaching con texts: motivation. follow t h rough. identifying what's working i n your l i fe, and getting past stuck places.
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Requesting What is it? You can make a request of your cl ient. Of course, you will only request what is relevant to your cli ent's agenda. You might, for example, request that your cl ient take action on somet h i ng that she's been procrastinating about. You might also turn a cl ient's complaint into a n opportu nity by suggesting that she consider making a request of someone else.
Why use it? Requesting is used to nudge the client forward. For example, if your client complains that h e r boss does not read her reports in a ti mely way, you might sug gest that your client make a request of the boss. No tice how this re-empowers the client a n d keeps her from getti ng stuck in "victim mode."
How do I do it? When you request that the client complete an as signment, follow t h rough on someth ing, or try out something new, it's i m portant to remain unattached to your idea. Even if you're pretty clear that your idea would be very hel pfu l to the client, it's up to her to answer in one of th ree ways: she can say yes, she can say no, or she can come up with a d i fferent pos sibil ity If she says yes, employ the coach ing craft of accountabi l ity. If she says no, you can ask her what she will do o r how she wants to approach dea l i n g 1 06
Co;aching in meWof"kplace I 02008 GOAlJQPC
with this issue. If she ma kes a counteroffer, you can again employ accou ntability: "Would you l i ke to be held accountable for this?"
is Exercise Form groups of two. List five areas of l ife in which you have a complaint. Your partner should devise a request that addresses each compla i n t . To each re quest, you can say yes, no. or make a counteroffer.
Content Reframing
What isjt? Reframing is putting someth ing into a d ifferent framework or context than that in which it has been previously perceived. It helps to expand the client's possibil ities. For example, imagine that a friend of yours walks by in the morning and does not respond to your friendly "hello." There are many meani ngs that you could take from this, and they w i l l depend on your experience, your beliefs, and your mood. You might think that she simply didn t hear you, or that she doesn't l i ke you, or that she is angry, or that she's rude for some reason , and so on.
Why USE- it? Most clients spend much of their t i me thinking with in the mental boxes that they have constructed ClOO8 GOAUQK
Section Three 1 07
in the i r l ives. When clients d isplay l i m i ted thi nking, refra m i n g offers new poss i b i l ities for understanding a situation in a broader way,
2 Exercise
Think of somet h i n g that is a n noying or that causes you concern (your child got a "0" on a test, or your boss seems grumpy). Then ask you r client (or your self):
t How i mportant will t h is be i n ten years? t In relation to all of the t h i ngs the person does and a l l of their actions, behaviors, a nd traits, how i m portant is this?
t How does t h i s act u a l ly i m pact one's l i fe? t N a m e five t h i ngs that t h i s situation could mean that wou l d not cause you the same concern.
t Reverse the l i m iting presuppos i t ions. Ask: "How is the opposite of what you thought actually true?"
One-Phrase Reframing I nspi red by Robert D i lts (one of the co-fou nders of N LP ) . one-phrase refra m i n g reframes pejorative statements about oneself or about others. The pur pose is to help clients move past self-sabotaging l i m i ts by rephrasing the key words or statements that they make when describing their l i m i tations.
1 08
COC
Section Five 1 93
� Money is hard to manage. (I can't manage money.)
� I don't k n ow how to make m oney. � Large s u m s of money are for other people. ( I t i s n ' t possible for me to have money.)
� How to m a ke money is a giant mystery. � If I make money, I w i l l mess it up and lose it a l l .
� I w i l l never b e rich. The Power of Beliefs : Until May 6, 1 954, it was assumed that to run a m i le in less than four m i n utes was i mpossi ble. I n the n i n e years prior to the day that Roger Ba n n i ster broke the four-m i n ute barrier, no one else had even approached the time. Bannister s u rpassed the four- m i nute m i l e barrier because he knew it was possible and that he could do it. Within a few weeks after Ban nister's acco m p lishment, lohn Lundy from Australia lowered the record by another second. In the n ext n i n e years, nearly two h u n dred people ran a m i l e in less than four m i n utes' The world no longer believed it to be i m possible.
���-��--Beliefs that involve identity are about our worth i ness a n d deservedness to attain wealth a n d suc cess. Some examples of these k i n d s of l i m iting beliefs are:
1 94
Coaching in theWorkplilce I ClOO8 GOAUQPC
t
1 am not good enough to be successfu l .
t
1 don't deserve t o have what 1 want.
t
1 am not smart enough to make money.
t 1 don't have the right to l i ve. t 1 am not worthy of success. t Nobody l i kes me; 1 am a loser. L i m it i n g beliefs tend to generate specific kinds of fee l i n g states. When you encounter one of the fol lowing three fee l i ngs, you can be sure you're on the tra i l of a l i miting belief I , Hopelessness
Belief that the desired goal is not achievable, re gardless of your capab il ities. There is no hope that you w i l l get what you wa nt, because it is not real ly possi ble. 2 . H e l plessness Belief that the desi red goal is possible, but you are not capable of achieving i t . You are helpless and in capable of getting what you wan t . 3 , Worthlessness Belief that you do not deserve the desired goal be cause of somet h i n g about you or because you are a "bad" person. Worth lessness may also arise because
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of a be lief that you did or d i d n't do somet h i ng t h at makes you worthless or u n d eserving.
What Is a Stem Belief? A stem belief is a powe rfu l u nderlying belief that holds together a cluster of s u pporting beliefs. Meta phorica l l y, changing a stem belief is i ncred ibly pow erful because when you do so, a l l of the supporting beliefs fa l l off "the grapevine" of li m i t i n g beliefs. The reason why it can be cha l l e nging to change a belief is because most people only work with the individ ual " s upport i ng belief" instead of t he entire bel ief vine, or cluster of beliefs. It can be d i fficult to permanently change a belief without getting to the core of the belief. This is why affirmations don't always work. They typica l l y don't address the stem belief. t hey only address one of the s m a l ler, less charged bel iefs. Most stem beliefs are formed when we are small children. They often sound childl ike in nature and can be si mply stated. They can be d i fficult to fi nd. However, with the right q u estioni ng, they can a lso be eas i l y identified. U s u a l l y people get emotiona l , they may even cry when t h ey become conscious of their stem beliefs for the first time. Once t h ey acknowledge the stem belief and get past the emotion of recognizing it. they can begin the process of heal i ng and transform i ng it. The success rate for changing beliefs is incredibly h igh when you focus on identifying and changing the stem belief-
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because the stem bel ief holds toget her the whole cluster of related beliefs. The most common stem be liefs that we have come across in our travels are:
• You have to work hard to make money. • 1 'm not good enough to have what 1 want. • I don 't deserve to have what I want. • Others come before me. •
1 don't exist; I don't have t he right to be here.
Ouestions and statements that can help the client to examine stem beliefs:
• What is true about this? • Is that a belief? • You cou Id choose to bel ieve that. • That i s one perspective. • Do you have a belief about what "should be" in this situation ?
• There's a belief. • And there's another belief. (Th i s could go on for an entire session ! )
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Belief Change Process (This section is adapted from a technique devel oped by I a n Elfl i ne ) A simple belief-change exercise involves heighten ing the client's awareness of a belief and the clus ter of thoughts , feel i ngs, and actions that surround it. Completing the following belief examination chart can often clarify what i s at stake in holding a belief and st i m u lates desire to update and change beliefs.
Belief
If this is true, what else must
If all this is true, what actions I take or not take?
will
be true?
Case Study Angie had worked hard to attain a level of success in the high-tech indust ry. She managed a sm all group of engin eers and computer design special ists on a variety of projects. Yet she was unhappy with her career path. She had seen less-q u a l i fied and less-talented men receive promotions over her and felt she had been actively thwarted in her career advances. This topic came up on several occasions d u ring our coaching work, and she seemed ready to address the bel iefs and ideas that she held i n regard to these experiences.
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I cha ll enged Angie to con sider that at least some of her experience resulted from her beliefs. At first. she t h ought t h i s idea was a bsurd because there was so m uch evidence t h at she had h i t a "glass cei l ing." I asked her to tell me what conclusion she derived from these experiences and she said. ''Women are second class." We used t h i s statement as a basis for completing the belief exami nation chart. Her as signment was to do her best to thoroughly complete t h e boxes on the chart. Here is the outcome: As Angie completed the chart. she became increas i ngly aware that her belief was itself causing her a lot of stress. We d iscussed the hopelessness she had developed because she believed that career ad vances were impossible for her as a woman. This re s u l t provided an opport u nity for coach ing. Our first step was to exa m i ne what this chart revealed that is i m portant to her. Angie said it was most important t hat she be recognized and appreciated for her work. We discussed how she first needed to learn to toot her own horn in an appropriate way and at appropri ate times.
I gave her the task of completing a l ist of her ac complishments on the job and how these had af fected the company. She started a runn ing l ist over a two-week period completing several pages of C2008 GOAUQPC
Section Five 1 99
If III this Is true. what actions will I taler or not take?
Women are second dass
Men aR fllst dass ;
they will get m�
Lots of �ntrnent and anger, especially toward my boss.
� and JftSlige for the same or
A �nse of resignation and a
eIIeI1 less work.
feeling of !!dng stuck-I have
Women wUl always be treated as less worthy.
ghien up on pursuing promotions. Occasional commiseration with a couple of women colleagues.
Woman have to
which usually just depresses me.
work harder to prove themse1ves.
Often driven to do my best to
I have to work harder because
or better than a man.
show that I can perform as well
I am a woman.
Occasionally complain to management about being held
No matter how much I do, I won't get what I want.
back; once formally complained but it lead nowhere. Feeling that I am
I have to be
underappreciated and
tougher than a
unrecognized.
man because any waffling on decisions is seen as my emotions getting in the way. Men will be given the credit for my accomplishments.
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accomplish ments. In the process, she talked with some co l l eagues and coworkers who also gave her insight into her contributions a nd what impact they had on them and on the company. This exercise boosted her confidence considerably. Angie com mented, "I was so caught up in feel ing unappreci ated that I neglected to appreciate what I had done myself." Moreover, she felt less "edgy" when talking with her boss. Over the next few weeks, she began inserting references to her accomplish ments at appropriate t i mes in the conversation. She was shocked to hear her boss agree with her about one particular accom plishment. This made her realize t hat she had been s i lently waiting to be acknowledged rat her than ac tively promoting herself. Angie decided to take her whole l ist of accomplish ments i n to the boss. Her approach was to give the li st and say she felt like she could do so much IT,Ore for the company and to ask where she might ap ply her talents. Aga i n , she was surprised when he revea led a couple of upcoming opportunities that migh t be s u ited for her. Angie reported that. in the past, she would have only heard about these kinds of opport u n ities after someone else, a man of course, wou l d be given them. As we reviewed what had happened, Angie said she sti ll believed that there was definite discrimination against wome n . But she real ized that she had unwit tingly col l uded in the discri mi ndtion by operating on her belief about it in an unexami ned way. She
102008 GOAUQPC
Section Five 20 I
now felt much more comfortable with her own ac complishments regardless of how m uch the world noticed. She felt more confident promoting herself and she believed it was more l i ke l y that she would fi nd new opportun ities either w i t h i n her current company or by looking el sewhere.
Important Coach Reflect ions One of the seven habits of h ig h l y effective people, accord i ng to the classic work of Stephen Covey, is to "sharpen the saw." H e uses the old metaphor of loggers competing i n a log-cutting contest. One works without taki ng a break and j umps out to an early lead over the seco n d , who stops periodically to sharpen his saw. Over t i me, however, the one who works without stopping m ust work harder because the blade d u l l s and cuts i nefficiently. The second, who keeps the blade sharp, expends less energy a n d eventua l l y overtakes the first and wins t h e contest. Successful people take the time to step back, review their own ski l l s , and work to i m prove them. This process helps the coach to "sharpen the saw." This process is very important for the manager/coach , who can use such reflection to help keep roles clearly defined.
Wby use this process? t To sharpen your skills as a coach t To coach you rself
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What does it do? t Encourages taking time to periodica l ly reflect on your coach i ng process
t Provides questions for reflection about how you conduct your coaching
t Reminds you about specific pri nciples of excel lent coaching
How do I do .it? This reflection process guides you through a series of questions that you can ask yourself to continuously improve your coaching skills. Take some time every month or two to answer these questions. Be specific in your answers. Use your actual experience and an swer fresh each time. It is best to use this tool imme diately after a coaching session or set of sessions. I . How do you know when you are doing a good job as a coach? What is your evidence? 2. How do you know when your client feels really lis tened to?
3. What is your sensory-based evidence that you are lis tening to your client?
4. How do you know when you are making a positive difference with your client? What is your evidence for this?
5. How do you hold back from giving i nformation or of fering a solution that you think would be helpful to your client (because you know that the best solution
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wi II be the one that you draw out from your client)? 6. For manager/coaches. how do you distinguish your
roles as manager and coach? What has worked to help keep the roles clear? 7.
How do you manage and maintain your state as a coach?
8. How do you use powerful questions with your cl i ent? What coaching skills do you use? How do you use them?
9. What is your "growing edge" as a coach? After a few reflections. look over your a nswers and see if you notice patterns. Do you find it challenging to hold back on giving advi ce? Are you using only a se lect set of coaching crafts? What throws you off track in your coach ing and how to do you get back on track? Remem ber. coach ing is a way to help your clients live more consciously and deliberately We should expect no less of ourselves as coaches'
Putting It All Together Coaching has become one of the fastest growi ng professions a n d is helping i ndividuals achieve their goa l s . Work is largely a process of setting and ac com p l i s h i n g goals through in dividual and coopera tive e fforts. Coaching draws out the strengths within people and a l lows them to grow and develop. to tap in ner wisdom and motivation. and to keep on track to rea lize their dreams. Therefore. it is a perfect tool for the workplace and for encouraging emp loyees to be at thei r best. 204
Coaching in the WortcpIace I 02008 GOAUQPC
Th is book offers an overview of the coach ing pro cess and provides lots of tools to put coaching into practice. Although these too ls can be used in any coaching relationship, we've focused on coaching emp loyees in a n orga n ization. It is important to remember that coaching is primari ly a relationship with defined roles and a focus on helping the cli ent to achieve his or her goals. Clarity regarding the roles of the coach and client is especia l ly critical when the coach is also a manager with authority over a cl ient (and, to a lesser degree, when the coach is a l so an employee of the sa me organization ) . These dual roles present cha ll enges in creating a powerful coaching relationship, but it can b accomplished if the manager/coach is w i l l i n g and ilble to step into the role of a coach. Th is means t hat the manager must al low the employee to define the coach ing goals and take the lead i n the coaching process. Though this may be d i fficu lt at times, the rewards are we ll worth the effort . Coaching empowers em ployees, leads to i ncreased motivation , enhanced performance, and heightened job sati sfaction. Hap pier, more capable employees get more done and have better workplace relationships. U lti mately, this makes the job of managing easierl And you will be surprised how much you w i l l learn from your "client" when you coach them to fi nd their own solutions and create their own paths.
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Suggested Reading:
A Brief H istory of Everything by Ken W i l ber. Shamb hala Publications. Boston. MA. 0 2 1 1 5 . 2000 Complexity by M . Mitch e l l Waldrop. Touchstone. New York. NY. 1 0020. 1 992 The Web of Life by Fritjof Capra. First Anchor Books. Random House. New York. NY. 1 00 1 7. 1 996
The Tree of Knowledge by H u m berto Maturana and Francisco Vare l a . Shambhala Publications. Boston. MA. 0 2 1 1 5 . 1 987 Chaos: Making A New Science by James Gleick. Twentieth-anniversary edition. Penguin Books. New York. NY. 1 00 1 4 . 2008 Psycho-Cybernetics by Maxwel l Maltz. Pocket Books. a division of Si mon a n d Schuster. New York. NY. 1 0020. 1 960 N LP: The New Technology of Achievement by Tim Hal lbom . Ha rperCo l l i n s Publishers. New York. N Y 1 00 2 2 . 1 996 The Time Management Memory logger'" by Peggy Duncan. GOAUOPC. Sa l e m . N H . 03079. 2008 Facilitation a t a Glance! Second Edition by Ingrid Ben s . GOAUOPC. Salem. N H . 03079. 2008
206
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02008 GOAUQPC
lodex A
as rr eans of Intruding, 103 systemic communication and.
absolutes, as universal quanti fiers, 92
69-/1
backward planning
accountability, discussing in intake session. 2 3
achieving long-term goals,
acknowledging, In craft o f coach ing, 1 00- 1 0 1
achieving outcomes, I 26 Sailey, Rodge� 39
action levels, of meta-programs,
Sandle� Richard, S, 39, 84, I 1 3
5 1 -52
active listening, 69-7 1 activities, Disney strategy and, 1 82 actors, 74 adjectives, directionalizing com munication and, 1 20 adverbs. directionalizing com munication and, 1 20 advising. as communication blocke� 62 agenda. See client's agenda AI. See appreciative inquiry (AI) analyzing. as communication blocke� 63 appreciative inquiry (AI), 1 45-5 1 case study 1 48-50
1 3 1 -34
Sandura Albert. 1 90 Sandura Curve, 1 90 Sateson, Gregory, 1 52 behaVior alternative behaviors as creative solutions, 1 68, 1 70 identifying behaviors that need changing, I 68 New Behavior Generator.
1 56--6 1
role of beliefs in behavioral change, 1 89 beliefs, 1 86-202 case study. 1 98, 201-02 changing, 1 98, 200 evidence and, 1 88-89
how to do it 1 46-48
"I am" statements reflecting,
illustration of, 1 5 1
1 90-9 1
overview of, 1 45-46
learning curves and, 1 90
assumptions. silent or hidden,
limning belief� 1 9 1 -96
97-98
overview of, 1 86-87
attention directedness, intemal
power of, 1 94
versus extemal, 53-54
stem beliefs, 1 96-97
aud�ory predicates determining lead mode of a person, 1 1 5 nonverbal indicators of, I 1 7 awareness, directionalizing com munication and, 1 20-2 1 B backtracking 02008 GOAUQPC
transforming, 1 89-90 big picture, versus detail orienta tion, 52-53 blamIng. as communication blocke� 62 C Cameron-Sandle� Leslie, 39 capabil�ies, beliefs regarding,
Index 207
HR or EAP, 7-8
1 89-90
coaching services provided by managers. 7-8
career goals, identifying client goals. 23
coaching services provided by other employees. 7-8
cause and effect meta-model. 96
coaching services provided by outside coach. 9
semantic ill-fonmedness and.
88
switching hats. 24--25
cause-related beliefs. 1 92
tnust and. I 0-- 1 I
challenges
coaching
Bateson's strategy for prob lem solving. 1 52
reasons for. 1 -2 what it is. 3-5
of coaching. I I - I 2 challenging. in craft of coaching.
coaching cycles. 1 7- 1 8
change
coaching sessions. See sessions
1 0 1 --{)2
coaching opportunities. I 1 - 1 2
appreciative inquiry (AI) and.
coaching tools. I 3-1 4
1 45--46
coach relationship mind map. I 3
beliefs and. 1 89. 1 98. 200
coach session overview, I 3
creative solutions and. 1 70
comfort zone. challenges to.
human fear of. 36
1 0 1 --{)2
channel, being convinced and,
commanding. as communication blocker. 62
chaos phase
commitment getting clear regarding criteria and. 1 7 1
50
human difficulty with. 33-37 Universal Cycles of Change. 30
communication I>ockers. 6 1 --63
client's agenda, I 1 7-23
directionalizing. I 1 8-2 1
coaching implications of holding. 1 23
meta-model and. 84
directionalizing the communI· cation and. I 1 8-2 1 exercises and examples,
systemic. See systemic com munication comparative deletions, meta model. 87. 90--9 1
1 2 1 -22
overview of. I 1 7 purpose and method of hold ing. 1 1 7- 1 8 closed questions. 8 1 -84. See also open questions
comparison. modes of. 48--49 completion or termination phase. in coaching relation ship. 1 4 complexity phase. Universal Cycles of Change. 29-30
coach-client relationship. 7-1 I coaching services provided by
208
nonverbal. 63--65
confiict resolution. 1 28
Coaching in meWoricplace I ClOOB GOAUQPC
ideotifying criteria woresl phrases, 42-43
content reframing one-phrase reframing, 1 08- 1 0
criteria, getting clear regarding
overview of. 1 07-08
case study, I 78-79 illustration of. 1 73
context content reframing and, 1 07-08 identifying when getting clear about criteria, I 74 state of mind and. See state management contract between coach and client 1 5- 1 6 convincer, determining what constitutes convincing evidence, 47-48 cooperative, work styles, 55-56 Cooperide" David
L.
1 45
counseling, 7 Covey, Stephen, 203 craft of coaching. 1 00-1 1 0 acknowledging. I 00-1 0 I challenging, 1 0 1-02
overview of. 1 7 1 -72 steps in, 1 74-77 Critic state, Disney strategy, 1 8 1 -86 o decis on making getting clear regareing criteria and, 1 7 1 meta-programs and, 45-46 pel"Spectives and, 75 deletons comparative, 9G-9 1 infomnation-gathering identity set of meta-model, 87--88 simple, 90
content reframing, I 07-08
denying, as communication blocke" 63
inquiry. 1 04-05
designing the alliance
intruding, 1 02-04 one-phrase reframlng. 1 08- 1 0 overview of. I 00 requesting. 1 06-07 creation phase, Universal Cycles of Change, 29 creative solutions, 1 67-7 1 case study, I 7G-7 I illustration of reframing, 1 69 reframing, 1 67, 1 69-70 creativity, Disney strategy and, 181 criteria determining evidence for how cr�eria are met. 43-44 ©2008 GOAUQPC
aspects of coaching relation ship, 1 4 contract between coach and client 1 5- 1 6 detachment, resource states and, 1 62 detal orientation, versus big picture, 52-53 differences, modes of compari son and, 48 Dilts, Robert. 1 08. 1 52. 1 8 1 , 1 86 directionalizing the communica tion. I 1 8-2 1 Disney strategy case study, 1 83--86 how to do it 1 82-83
Index 209
future. as time reference, 54-55
illustration of, 1 80 overview of. I 8 I
G
distracting. as communication blocker. 63
generalizations, limitations of speaker's model, 88
dormancy phase, Universal Cycles of Change, 3 1 -32
goals
Dreamer state, Disney strategy. 1 8 1 -86
backward planning and, 1 3 1 -34 Disney strategy and, 1 8 1 , 1 83
dreams. tuming into reality, 1 8 1
identifYing client, 23
dropping off phase, Universal Cycles of Change, 3 1
setting. 5 Gordon,Thomas. 6 1 Grinder. John, S, 84, I 1 3
E
growth phase. Universal Cycles of Change, 29
EAP (Employee Assistance Program), 7-8 Elnine, Jan, 4, 1 87, 1 98
H
empathy. 1 1 3
habits. New Behavior Genera tor and, 1 56
Employee Assistance Program (EAP), 7-8
Hallbom, Kristine, 25
employees. as coaches, 8
helplessness. identity-related beliefs, 1 95
Erickson, Milton. 85. 1 04. I 1 3 evidence
hopelessness. identity-related beliefs. 1 95
beliefs and, I 88-89 convincing nature of. 49-50
HR (Human Resources) department. 7-8
determining evidence for how criteria are met 43-44 sensory nature of. I 25 external source, decision mak ing and, 45-46
ICF (Intemational Coach Federation). 3-4 icons, meta-programs. 44-45
F
identity. beliefs regarding. I 9(}"'9 I . 1 94-96
nexibility. state management and. 1 38
impossibility
founda�on (intake) session
limiting beliefs and. 1 93
aspects of coaching relation ship, 1 4 how to do
modal operators of, 94-95 In Beliefs: Pathways to Health and Well-Being. 1 88
it, 2(}"'23
overview of. I 8- 1 9
reasons for and what it does 20
functions, client list of, 22
210
independent work stye. 55-56 inquiry. in craft of coaching. 1 04-{)5
COKhinl io the �ce I C'2008 GOAUQPC
intemal decision making, 45�6
cause-related, 1 92
International Coach Federation (ICF), 3�
identity-nelated beliefs, 1 94-96
interrogating. as communication blocker. 63
overview of, 1 9 I
interrupting, 1 02-D3 intruding. in craft of coaching. 1 02-D4 "I" pos�ion. See self ("I" pos�ion)
meaning-nelated, 1 92-93 possibilrty-nelated, 1 93 listening, active, 69-7 1 lost performatives, 95 M manage
judgments as communication blocker. 62 beliefs and, 1 86 overgeneralized, 88 versus acknowledging, 1 00
as coaches. 8 coaches companed wM, 2 1 switching hats, 2 1 , 24-25 maps, usefulness and limitations of, 85 meaning- nelated beliefs, 1 9 2-93 mental imagery. New Behavior Generator using, 1 5 8
K kinesthetic pnedicates determining lead mode of a person, I 1 6 nonverbal indicators of, I I 6
meta-model, 84-99 cause and effect, 96 comparative deletions, 90-9 1 how to do
it, 88-89
illustration of, 85
L language directionalizing the communi cation and, I 1 9 for estiliishing rapport 47�8 meta-model for identifying pattems of, 84 words/phrases nelated to criteria and values, 1 72 leanning leaming curves, I 90 quick leanners, 1 56 lecturing. as communication blocker. 62 Leonard,Thomas, S life experience, beliefs and, 1 87 limiting beliefs, 1 9 1 -96 02008 GOAUQPC
illustration of meta-outcome, 99 mind reading, 96-97 modal operators of impos sibility, 94-96 modal operators of necessity. 93-94 nominalizations, 9 1 overview of, 84 pnesuppositions (silent or hidden assumptions), 97-98 simple deletions, 90 universal quantifiers, 92-93 unspecified verbs, 92 unspecified "who" (nefenential index), 90 what it does, 86-88 what it is, 84-86
Index 2 1 1
meta-outcomes. 1 26--3 1 See also outcomes
time reference (past. present. future). 54-55
case study. 1 29-31
mind reading
connict resolution and. 1 28
meta-model. 96--97
determining. 1 29
semantic ill-formedness and. 88
how to do it. 1 27-28
mindset. Disney strategy and.
1 82
what � does. 1 27 what It is/reasons for using, I 26
mirroring. rapport and. I 1 2- 1 3 modal operators of impos sibil�
meta-position. 72. See also observer position
generalizations In meta model. 88
meta-programs. 38-0 action levels and. 5 1 -52
meta-model. 94-96
attention directedness (intemal to self or extemal to nonverbal behavior of others). 53-54
modal operators of necess� generalizations in meta model. 88 meta-model. 93-94
big picture versus detail onentatlon. 52-53 cOflV1ncing evidence and. 49-50 cr�ena words/phrases. 42-43 deCision making and. 45-46
mode. being convinced and, 50 moralizing. as communication blocker. 62 motivation, meta-programs and. 23. 44
determining evidence for how criteria are met. 43-44 how to use it, 40
N
Identifying c�eria words/ phrases. 42-43
name calling, as communication blocker. 62
necess� modal operators of.
language for establishing rap port 47-48
93-94
modes of comparison and,
Neuro-Linguistic Programming. See NLP (Neuro-Llnguistic Programming)
48-49
motivation and. 23. 44
New Behavior Generator. 1 56--6 1
overview of, 38-39
case study. I 60-6 1
procedures versus options.
how to do n. 1 59-60
46-47
profile form. 56--58
illustration of. 1 57
reasons for using and what n does. 39-40
overview of, 1 56
steps in general process. 4 1 -42 style of work (independent. proximal. cooperative). 55-56. 59-60
212
what � does. 1 58 NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Pro gramming) coaching compared w�h. 6 meta-model and. 84-85
Coaching in the Workpb.ce I e2008 GOAUQPC
overview of.
5
1 23-24
NLP: The New Technology or Achievement, 5
outside coaches. 9
nomlnahzations
p
meta-model, 9 1 types o f deletions i n meta model. 88 nonverbal behavio� I 1 6- 1 7 nonverbal communication, 63�5 noun deletions. 87
past. time reference. 54-55 pejorative statements, reframlng, I 08 penceptlJal positions, 7 1 -80. See a/so resource states case study, 79-80 detaching from problem states, 1 62 examples of, 72-77
o observer posITion. See also resource states
exenclses applYing, 77-79
case study, 1 66
recognizing and realiZing abil ity to chose, 74
example comparing WIth self posrtion. 72-73
Viewpoints of self. other. and observe� 7 1 -72
penceptual positions o� 72 one-phrase refram ing, 1 08- 1 0 open questions exencises applying, 8 1 -84 how to do it. 8 1 reasons for using and what they are, 80 opportunITies, for coaching, 1 2 options, versus procedures, 46-47 organizational change, 1 45--46 orlord inal, directionalizing co"' munication and. 1 20 other position actors and. 74 perspective o� 7 1 -72 outcomes, 1 23-26. See also meta-outcomes beliefs about possibilrty and, 1 93-97 questions for ensuring suc cess, 1 24-26 requirements for success. 02008 GOAllQPC
what t does, 77 what t is, 7 1 perforrrers, lost performa tives,95 periodic reviews, aspects of coaching rela�onship. 1 4 Peris, Fr tz, 85 personal change, 1 46 personal development goals, 23 personal powe� I 38 perspectJve. See penceptual positions planning backward planning, 1 26, I 3 1 -34 Disney strategy and. I 8 1 possibility-related beliefs, 1 93 praising versus acknowledging, 1 00 as communication blocker; 63 present. time reference. 54-55 presuppositions directionalizing communica-
Index 2 1 3
tion and, 1 1 9-21
kinesthetic pnedicates and, I 1 6
meta-model and, 97-98
language for establishing. 47-48
semantic ill-fonmedness and, 88
visual pnedicates and, I 1 5
proactive, action levels and, 5 I
neactive, action levels and, 5 1
problem solving. Bateson's strategy. 1 52-56
Realist state, Disney strategy, 1 8 1 --86
case study. 1 55-56 how to do
it.
1 54--55
illustration of, 1 53 overview of, 1 52 problem solving. open ques tions and, 80 problem states Bateson's strategy and, 1 55--56 detaching from, I 62 procedures, versus options, 46-47 profile form, meta-programs, 56--58 proximity, work style, 55-56
Q questioning client's judgement. as communication blocke� 63 questions closed, 8 1 --84 for determining meta-out comes, 1 29 for ensuring success, 1 24--26 for nefiection process, 203-04 open. See open questions
reassuring. as communication blocke� 63 nefiection inquiry stimulating. 1 05 value to coaches, 202-04 neframing case study. 1 70--7 1
finding cneative solutions, 1 67, 1 69-70 illustration of, 1 69 nehearsals, New Behavior Generator and, 1 58 requesting. in craft of coaching. 1 06-D7 resourcefulness. state manage ment and, I 38 resources, needed to achieve outcomes, I 25 nesource states. I 6 1 --
