Catalyst

Catalyst S.L. Armstrong & K. Piet

Publisher's Note This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or locales is entirely coincidental. The publisher has no control over and does not assume responsibility for any third-party websites or their content. The uploading and distribution of this book via the Internet or via any other means without the permission of the publisher is illegal and punishable by law. Copyright © 2011, S.L. Armstrong and K. Piet. All rights reserved. Cover art by Nathie http://www.creationwarrior.net/ ISBN-13: ISBN-10:

978-0-9827008-8-4 0-9827008-8-1

Acknowledgments The authors would like to thank their editor, Alisha, for helping to shape the raw material into a wonderful story. They would also like to thank Jason, their proofreader, for all his comments and time.

This novel is dedicated to anyone who ever felt like a pervert for wanting what they need.

Chapter One The man across from Logan smiled. "You told my secretary that you'd been having distracting thoughts?" His hands were folded in his lap, a gesture Logan knew was meant to be inviting and nonthreatening. "How long have they been distracting you?" The atmosphere of the room was both clinical and undeniably soothing to Logan. He wasn't sure what did it, the color of the walls, the furnishings, or simply Dr. Bromley's serene presence across from him, but his eyes had instantly been drawn to the other man. Kasper was younger than he had expected his new psychologist to be, blond with blue eyes and a smile that seemed to immediately put him at ease. His nervous habits of chewing at his lower lip and picking at his fingernails suddenly didn't seem as overwhelming. He wasn't sure how to begin. All the little scripts he'd written in his mind were suddenly too far away to grasp, and he let out a steadying breath. "A long time," he replied, looking down at his hands. "A really long time, if you count more than the last couple weeks when they've been unbearable. Maybe I've always had them. I don't know, but now that I've tried to ignore them, they seem all the more distracting." "Sometimes, when we want to forget things, those things become nearly impossible to forget." Kasper tilted his head, his eyes on Logan. "Do you think these thoughts are destructive?" Logan chuckled, though there was little mirth in the sound, and his dark blue eyes darted up momentarily to meet Kasper's. "What do you consider 'destructive'?" "Do you want to cause harm to you or someone else?" Despite the comfort of the room, Logan fought not to bite his lip as he closed his eyes, a shiver running through him. "I want them to bleed. I want to make myself bleed. I threw away all my sterile razors to try and stop, but it just made me think about scissors and the knives in my kitchen..." He began to fidget again. Logan thought he must look like an addict going through withdrawal. Inwardly, he snorted. In a way, he was, wasn't he? Jonesing for his fix, only his fix couldn't be bought on a street corner. Kasper remained calm, his face a perfect reflection of unruffled serenity. "You wish to kill people? Kill yourself?" Logan's eyes shot open wide as he shook his head. "No!" "Then why would you want to see people bleed?" Clenching his jaw, Logan hesitated. After a few terrifying moments of silence, he admitted his dark desire. "I want to drink their blood." Kasper's eyebrow raised at that, betraying the sense of calm. "Drink their blood?" He scribbled on his pad, which made Logan uncomfortable. What could he be writing? Goth vamp wannabe? Sick little bastard? "Why?" the doctor asked, drawing Logan out of his thoughts.

Logan tried to ignore the rush of desire that the question inspired, but couldn't repress a shiver, his voice deepening ever so slightly. "Because it..." His voice faded for a moment as he searched for the right words. "It makes me feel in control. What's the word? Empowered. It turns me on like nothing else." Kasper made another notation on the pad. "I see. And this is disrupting your life?" "I can't stop thinking about it!" Logan exclaimed, speaking quickly, as if some tenuous hold on keeping his thoughts inside had snapped. "I thought I would try to cut back a bit, wean myself off, you know? It hasn't worked. Nothing works! I had to turn off my cable TV because I was always watching those surgeries on the Health Channel or the late-night news. I've started thinking of ways to accidentally hurt myself, just so I can–" Logan clamped his mouth shut, finally regaining control of his tongue. Kasper leaned forward in his chair a little, his eyes steady, and Logan knew the slip had not gone unnoticed. "So you can what, Logan?" Logan eyed the psychologist, an almost dangerous glint to his gaze. "Sure you wanna know?" "Of course." Kasper nodded and smiled that same insufferably reassuring smile. Logan released a breath he hadn't realized he was holding. Reaching down, he pulled back the long sleeve of his shirt, exposing the skin of his left forearm, which was littered with small scars and a single cut that was newer than the others. "So I can jack myself off as I suck at the wound." Kasper at least had the decency to try to hide his surprise, but Logan could tell he'd struck a nerve. "And you do this every time?" Kasper asked. A smirk nearly unfurled on Logan's face. Part of him took some sort of sick satisfaction in the other man's shock. Another part, though, despaired at seeing the expression, anticipating something negative would come from it. "Every time I jack off or every time I drink blood?" After a moment of silence, Kasper said, "Both, if you don't mind my asking, Logan." Logan shifted in his seat, lacing his fingers together to keep them from picking at one another. He would get them bleeding, given half a chance. "I get hard every time I drink blood. Sometimes the sight of it, or even just the thought–" He cut himself off, shaking his head to clear it, though it wasn't completely effective. "I can jack off without it, but it's always better when I cut and bleed." Kasper nodded. "Have you had lovers who indulged this desire with you?" Logan raised a dark eyebrow at him. "Some submissives in the BDSM scene will do anything." Kasper smiled. "That does not tell me if any of your lasting relationships incorporated this part of your sexual desires." Logan clenched his jaw, remaining silent for several minutes. It almost infuriated him, how Kasper waited patiently, offering him the perfect non-verbal cues to encourage him, but he eventually relented with a sigh. "I had a boyfriend outside of scenes once. He was so freaked out when I asked to cut him that he threatened to charge me with assault." "I take it you've not asked since?" "No," Logan whispered, shaking his head. His eyes were drawn to Kasper's hand scribbling down notes he couldn't see. He wanted to know what was written about him, wanted to know what was wrong with him and how to fix it. Kasper made several more notes. "What made you decide to speak with me? What happened to make you decide help was necessary?" he finally asked, his gaze rising from his pad. "I–" Logan hesitated, unable to bring his eyes up from the rug beneath his feet. "My sub, he..." Silence fell between them for a few moments, but Kasper just calmly waited for him to speak at his own pace. A tremor took hold of his hands, and he felt tears pricking at his eyes. "I nearly killed him." Even speaking that truth made the tremor worse, a sign of just how severely shaken he still was by

the incident. "I... cut too deeply. I nicked an artery. I didn't realize it until after I fucked him. When I couldn't stop the bleeding, I–He was in the hospital for a few days." Kasper set aside his pad and leaned forward, clasping his hands between his parted knees. "And you feel immense guilt," he stated. Logan stood suddenly, fear racing through him, and walked around to the other side of the loveseat, putting it between him and Dr. Bromley. He needed the distance as well as room to pace away his nervous energy. "Of course I do. I nearly killed him! What happens next time I get carried away? The trust was broken. He'll never bottom for me again. No one will. And even if they would, I shouldn't..." Kasper's voice was louder than before, enough to break through Logan's agitation. "It is common for such compulsions to surface in early childhood. Tell me about your upbringing, Logan." The change in their discussion was a bit of a shock, but Logan latched onto it, wanting to forget the motivation for his visit and simply get on with the being fixed. "What do you want to know? I was born and raised in Toronto. My parents divorced before I can remember, so my mom worked as much as she could from home while raising me to make up the difference from the checks we'd get from my dad." "Did you maintain a relationship with your father?" "Do birthday cards count?" Logan asked flatly. Kasper sat back and crossed his legs once again. "What was your relationship with your mother like?" "Close, I guess. Close enough. She cared." It was a distinction Logan was sure to make between his parents. As his thoughts were redirected, he stopped pacing and eventually sat back down. "She did her best, came to school plays and band competitions, that sort of stuff." "It's difficult to be a single parent," Kasper said with a nod. "Were you prone to getting hurt growing up?" Logan frowned as he thought back. "I was sick a lot at first. I got held back in elementary school because I caught mono and was out of it for a few months. I was clumsy as a kid. That's why my mom suggested I start band. She thought learning music and rhythm would help." "Many children are clumsy. They can wind up with scrapes and bruises well into their teenage years." Kasper paused, and then abruptly asked, "When was the first time you felt compelled to drink blood, Logan?" The suddenness of the question caught Logan off guard, but made him think. He realized he was biting his lip in concentration, and quickly clenched his jaw again to stop himself. "My mom enrolled me in a swimming class because it was free and kept me busy instead of sitting at home by myself." The barest hint of a smile twitched at his lower lip. "I fucked my first boyfriend in one of the shower stalls in the locker room there. It was both of our first times, and I was biting at his neck. He seemed to really love it, so I bit deeper, and all of a sudden, I tasted blood. He came screaming, and I followed. I'd never tasted blood like that before, and it was... amazing." "That really isn't a compulsion," Kasper murmured, tapping his lips with his pen. Logan wanted to laugh – the doctor almost sounded disappointed! "When did it become something you used to enhance your own arousal? Or even to ignite your arousal?" "Well... it couldn't have been more than a couple weeks after that when I cut myself while masturbating. I remembered how hot it had made me feel with Ty, and thought I'd give it a try on my own. I wasn't disappointed." "Had you been thinking about it between the two encounters?" "How could I not?" Logan asked with a lopsided expression somewhere between amusement and sparking desire. Even thoughts of the way it had made him come back then added to his internal

conflict now. It made him want blood again, just as he had wanted it constantly over the last two weeks. Kasper smiled. Logan wondered if he ever stopped smiling. "I see. And you began to cut yourself regularly?" "Yeah... I creeped out one of my friends by showing him. He thought I was crazy and reacted so badly that I knew I'd keep it to myself after that." "Was masturbation always a part of those instances?" "When I would cut?" Logan asked, and, when Kasper nodded, he continued. "Yeah, pretty much. I didn't always come, but it always made me hard." "How often do you masturbate with blood now?" "Four times a week, maybe? Sometimes more." Kasper blinked at that. "Sometimes more?" Something in Kasper's expression made Logan retreat a bit, and he grew defensive. "It isn't like I slice open my veins four times a week. We're usually talking finger pricks here, okay? A fucking diabetic does that three times a day. I just do it when I touch myself. Plus, I've only done it once in the last two weeks." He had tried so hard not to draw blood the few times he had masturbated following the incident with Shane, but he hadn't been strong enough to resist every temptation. "And you are proud of that?" Kasper asked, a note of understanding to his voice. "Yeah, I'm proud of it. It's been fucking hell!" After a few moments, Logan's own statement seemed to drain the fight out of him, and he cradled his forehead in his hands, leaning forward to prop his arms on his knees. That it had taken so much effort to try and cut back from the habit was just another indication that it was a problem, at least in his mind. "Well, I think there is room here for further exploration, if you think you would like to continue seeing me. I don't think this is anything but a strong sexual compulsion, a fetish ingrained in youth that has recently spiraled out of control. It's a more dangerous fetish than some, one that puts you and your partners at risk, so I think through proper therapy and medication, you can overcome this. Would once a week be sufficient for you? Or twice?" Logan didn't move from his spot, didn't even look up. Instead, he simply muttered, "Better make it two for now." He didn't feel any better after the appointment, but he knew he couldn't tell after one meeting if it would help. Another week of what he had been enduring seemed too long a time to wait, but a few days sounded bearable. It would keep him motivated and give him something specific to look forward to. He heard the sound of paper turning, probably Dr. Bromley flipping through an appointment book. "I can have you at 2:30 on Tuesdays and... my last appointment on Fridays, 4:30. Sound good?" Kasper asked. Logan nodded, running his fingers through his hair. "I can make that work." He looked up only to be disarmed by that bright, welcoming expression. "Dr. Bromley?" "We will work through this, Logan, I promise." Kasper walked over to the man, grasping Logan's hand, making a simple, personal connection. "You'll see." He held Logan's dark blue gaze for a moment, and then excused himself, promising to return shortly. The reassurance he had so desperately needed had been given even before he could ask for it, and Kasper's serene confidence in his treatment quieted a bit of his unrest. He waited obediently, his eyes wandering about the room, drawn to the small personal items placed here and there and the framed diploma on the wall from Yale. Kasper was gone perhaps ten minutes, and then he returned, smiling brightly as he entered his office again. "Now, I have had Dr. Barrow prescribe you Prozac. We'll start you at 20mg a day. However, I need you to watch yourself. If you begin to have thoughts of suicide, I want you to call me

immediately." He handed Logan the prescription and a card. "My personal line is there along with the emergency office line. The Prozac will help with those compulsive thoughts, as well as dampen your libido." A small smile curved Kasper's lips. "We will see if that helps after, I'd say... eight weeks." Standing, Logan held the pieces of paper as if they were the most precious things he had ever been given. He looked down, immediately memorizing the two phone numbers, and when his eyes rose again, he looked directly into the other man's smiling eyes. Kasper seemed to be constantly smiling. He had never seen the expression on a single person's face so often, but strangely, it didn't seem at all unnerving coming from the blond doctor. "Thank you," he breathed, his lips twitching upward for a few moments, though his brow still creased with worry and misgivings. "See you in a few days then." "Friday at 4:30," Kasper said, offering his hand to Logan again. Logan shook, his grip a bit more relaxed than it had been when he first stepped into the office. He left the clinic with quick steps, reaching immediately for his cell phone. If he was going to pay for all this, he was going to need a good deal of help.

Chapter Two Kasper regarded Logan from his seat. His eyes followed the nervous wringing of hands, the dark circles under the man's eyes, and the slump of his shoulders. In fact, he looked far worse than he did when he first began the appointments six weeks ago. While they had explored family interactions, the number and frequency of lovers, the burden of the blood fetish, and the lack of connection Logan had with those he was intimate with, Kasper realized he'd failed to notice the steady decline in Logan's appearance. "You look tired, Logan." "Long days and longer nights," Logan summarized. "Finances are rough lately." After a pause, Kasper asked, "How much is your monthly income?" Logan took a deep breath and released it before answering quietly. "Depends on the month." "You don't have steady employment?" "I do, kinda. The better paying jobs just tend to be seasonal," Logan said, and then fell silent. Kasper waited patiently. He understood how discussing finances could be for a proud man, and Logan, in Kasper's estimation, was proud. Finally, Logan met his eyes. Yes, there was pride, almost a silent challenge for Kasper to judge him. "I do figure modeling for the university." "Figure modeling?" "You know, standing in the middle of an art class while people draw or paint you. It's good money, but the hours are low. Sometimes I help out with the band and theater departments, too, and they pay me well. I managed to get a part-time job at the used books and music store, so that's steady, even if it's minimum wage." "You work a lot, don't you?" "Yeah," Logan nodded. "I don't take many days off. Can't afford to." "It must be a difficult burden, then, to see me eight times a month." Kasper knew each office visit cost Logan two hundred and fifty dollars, and that didn't include any of his prescription costs. Burden, Kasper thought, might be putting it lightly. Logan averted his gaze, his jaw clenching. Kasper had struck at that pride, and he was almost sorry he had. But, he needed to know. Logan's pride would have to take a backseat to more practical things today. "I can't afford it. My savings is now gone. I had to ask my father for the money." The moments after the admission were filled with tension, something Kasper made note of. "I could have asked my mom, and I know she would have tried to help, but she's not that well-off to begin with. I couldn't do that to her." Kasper frowned. Logan had put himself in a financially precarious position, and the stress could exacerbate the fetish. "What is the lowest monthly income you've had recently?" Logan thought for a few moments. "It was bad last month. I broke just under a thousand. Usually it isn't that big of a deal, since I save up the extra I make when the modeling gigs are steady in the fall and spring."

Kasper nodded. "I see." It was his decision, ultimately, what he charged his clients, and he furrowed his brow. He could cut Logan a break on his fees. But, would that be yet another blow to Logan's pride, or would Logan accept it as the gesture it was meant to be? Kasper frowned a little. "I take it you do not own a home?" "Yeah, right," Logan snorted. A smile tugged at Kasper's lips. "How much is your rent?" "Five hundred fifty. If I conserve water and don't use a lot of electricity, I can get it a bit lower." "All right." Logan had already paid for their current appointment, so adjusting the fee at this moment would be moot. Next appointment, though. He'd need to speak with Lynn this evening before everyone left. Kasper made another note in Logan's file about the fee schedule, and then he put aside the folder and smiled warmly at Logan. "Let's talk about the last couple of days." With a small sigh, Logan ran a hand through his hair and nodded. In a tired voice, he began a detailed description of what had been on his mind.

Tuesday. The relief that it had finally arrived had been a single bright spot in a very long, nearly sleepless weekend. Logan shifted his bag on his hip, and he reached into his pocket for his wallet as he stepped up to the check-in desk. The admissions lady smiled at him from across the counter. "Hello, Mr. Walker. Dr. Bromley has made a notation in your file that you have become one of his pro bono cases. Take a seat; he will see you momentarily." The frosted glass screen slid shut before the words fully registered, and Logan's tired eyes widened. "Wait! Pro bono? You mean, as in free?" There was no response, but he didn't need it. He sat in his seat, overwhelmed by the sudden news. The check his father had sent, which paid for the entire month, was now in his account. There was no need to return it, since he knew the consequences of returning the money to his father would be even more severe than asking for more had been the previous month. The relief of that financial burden hit him hard, and he cradled his head in his hands, wiping away the tears as they welled. The office door opened, and Logan heard Kasper's voice beckoning him inside. Logan looked up in time to see the ever-present smile disappear, replaced by a look of concern. Logan sniffed and wiped his eyes before straightening. He tried to smile as he stood and stepped inside, but he kept wiping at the tears, ruining the effect. Logan seated himself, and Kasper sat in his customary chair with his pad and pen, concern darkening his face as he asked, "Has something happened?" Logan took a deep breath and let it out, almost laughing at the concern on his therapist's face. "You're seeing me for free now." "Oh." Kasper cheeks colored slightly. "The money was putting too much stress on you, Logan. It was the logical choice. It was something I could give to ease some of your troubles." "But you didn't have to, and I don't know how to thank you," Logan replied with that same watery smile. "It's been a tough weekend, and you saved me a phone call that I really didn't want to make." Kasper smiled once again. "What happened this weekend?" Logan let out a loud exhale. "I nearly lost my job at the bookstore. They had to lay off a few people thanks to the damned economy, and one of them was going to be me. I begged for them to let me do something, anything, and they relocated me to the warehouse, which deals with the online orders instead of the in-store stuff. They managed to squeeze me in for a couple night shifts after a crash course in the training." He knew in the back of his mind that he was babbling, but it didn't stop him from continuing. "Just to take up the hours between then and my one gig at the university, I went

to my favorite coffee shop, and I ran into my old submissive... Shane, the one I sent to the hospital. It was awkward, and I hated myself for not being able to stop thinking about his blood. I went home and cut." His face flushed as he revealed his bandaged forearm. "I couldn't stop myself. I needed it... and I did it again the following day." "It's understandable. The cutting itself is a relief for stress; it's why so many people do it. They have no other outlet, and so they injure themselves." Kasper made some notes on his pad. Logan was beginning to think he was simply doodling whenever he did that. "Did you masturbate as well, or just cut?" "Both," Logan confided quietly. Kasper nodded. "And did you feel better when it was done?" "I felt more energized, calmer, in control... until I went to take my meds for the day." The little green and white pills had reminded him how badly he had failed. When the compulsion had come the next day and he'd given in, the guilt was bitter in his throat amid the pleasure of the blood-letting. "Are they helping at all? Is the compulsion any less?" "The thoughts are still there. All the time. I just don't give in quite as often. I've tried to cut out the worst of the temptations, though, and I think that's what has made the most difference. I haven't tried to have a session and disconnected my internet, not that I've had much time to indulge. It just seems like everything I do is connected to it. The time I spend distracting myself is counteracted by the hours I spend unable to sleep." "You're experiencing insomnia?" Logan nodded. "I just can't seem to sleep. My mind won't shut up." "I will have a prescription written for you that should help with that. You need to get adequate sleep each night. That will help." Logan shook his head with sigh. "But I'll be working night shifts now, and my figure modeling is always in the afternoon." He thought about the timing of his schedule for a minute. "I'll have to start sleeping after my modeling, I guess." It was as close to an eight-hour stint as he could manage. Kasper frowned. "What skills do you have, Logan? What schooling?" "I graduated high school, but I only did one year of college. I've never been a star student." "But what can you do? Are you proficient with a computer? With handling clients?" "I'm good with computers," Logan affirmed, though his lips twitched at the last question, his thoughts going not to his jobs but to his sexual interactions. "I'm good at giving orders. I excelled in band and shop in school, and I've taken a couple construction jobs since I graduated, mostly during the summer. I've done a lot of random jobs, so I'm pretty good at adapting, if that means anything." Kasper flipped his pad and wrote swiftly before ripping the paper off and holding it to Logan. There was a business name, address, and phone number on it. "Call that number and ask for Adam," he said, pointing to the name on the paper. "He's looking for someone to give an entry level position to. He asked me to keep my eye out for someone who might fit the bill. Tell him Dr. Bromley recommends he hire you, and tell Adam to call me this weekend if he has any questions or concerns." His lips curved up into a smirk. "Though, Adam rarely does. He'll hire you. I believe the position starts off at fourteen dollars an hour, full time, with benefits after 60 days." He flipped his pad back to the page he'd been on. The sound of the shifting paper snapped Logan out of his small daze, and stared at disbelief at the sheet of paper. His gaze eventually moved from the scratchy script to the psychologist's face. "What's the job?" He was only paid such a high wage for his modeling, and a full time position at that rate would double what he was used to making, not to mention benefits, which he'd never really had.

"Adam has a small ad agency. He needs someone to meet with clients, give estimates, go through the mail, keep up with payments due. It's a very clerical position, and if you learn the ropes, I know that you can move up in the company. Adam is very fair." Logan's eyes darted between paper and face a few more times. "Why are you doing this? I'm not looking for a hand-out," he said, his tone sharp. He wasn't some sort of charity case. "How is giving you a connection a hand-out?" Kasper asked, tilting his head ever so slightly. Logan swallowed. "You just handed me a piece of paper that will get me a job making twice what I do now. I've never been given an opportunity like this." Once again, he found himself without adequate words, so he kept them simple. "Thank you." Kasper's eyes were warm. "I am only presenting you with the opportunity, Logan. What you make of that opportunity is up to you. It's an eight-to-five job, something with a routine, something that will pay your bills, give you medical benefits, and a little something leftover to put away. It will give a sense of normalcy I think you need. Instead of considering it a hand-out, consider it part of my treatment of you." "Part of my treatment?" Logan couldn't help but smile ruefully. "I didn't know I'd be prescribed a new life, Doctor." Kasper raised an eyebrow. "If you don't want a new life, Logan, then don't call Adam. If you do..." He stood and crossed to his desk, setting his notes aside. "The largest complication in life is choice, but it's also the greatest thrill." Logan turned in his seat, carefully folding the piece of paper and putting it in his wallet. "I'll call him." He couldn't turn up his nose at such an opportunity. Kasper smiled, approval shining in his eyes. "Good." Logan was set at ease by that smile. "I like my modeling jobs, though. I'll have to see if I can still do the weekend art labs or something. The other models don't tend to like the late labs anyway, with how cold it gets at night this time of year." "But you won't need to do overnight shifts in a warehouse." Relief washed through Logan. "No, I won't." He paused, watching Kasper for a moment, and then he changed the subject. "It must be tough, doing what you do." "Listening to people?" "Yeah. Making everyone else's problems your own. You actually care about the people you help. It takes a certain kind of person." Logan admired the dedication it must have taken, the years of schooling, and the personality required. "I try very hard not to make their problems my own. I use the knowledge I gained in school to help them cope with their issues." Kasper crossed his arms. "It's difficult for me not to care. I think that's why I couldn't go to med school. I went pre-med, finished, and realized I couldn't become a surgeon, not when I became so wrapped up in the lives of my patients. I couldn't help a patient if I was too busy mourning their condition and what it meant for their family." Logan hummed and nodded, thinking more thoroughly about it. "Good point. I guess a certain detachment would be key." He paused, almost second guessing his words before he revealed, "You make me feel cared about, though. You encourage without seeming phoney. I know it's a paycheck and all, but it's more than a paycheck. Otherwise, you wouldn't be doing it for free." Kasper flushed deeply. "I do care about you." Logan didn't think he could miss that blush even if they were in a dark club, twenty paces apart. He tilted his head with a small smirk. "A blush, even. I'm flattered." He was suddenly assaulted by a quick thought of the way the doctor's blood rushed to his cheeks, probably pulsing just beneath the skin. Pulsing hotly, just a tiny nick away. He clenched his eyes shut and shook his head minutely to clear it.

"Mmm. You should be." Kasper cleared his throat. "I will return in a moment with that prescription that will help with your sleep." Without another word, he made a swift exit. Logan released a slow breath once he was alone in the room. More thoughts started to flit through his mind, and he shook his head a bit more violently. "What the fuck are you doing? Just stop already! If you need blood again that badly, then take your own. You're a danger to others, and you don't want to hurt him." He groaned softly when the pep talk didn't help much. He remembered too well the two times he had tasted blood the last few days, and though the crimson thoughts stopped focusing completely on his doctor, they still caused him to grow hard in his jeans. Leaning forward, he pressed his legs together and gripped at the cushion of the couch. There would be no hiding this from Kasper when the man returned. He had hoped the office was some sort of haven, a place where the worst of the arousing thoughts couldn't catch him. He had been wrong. Logan didn't look up when Kasper came back into the office. Kasper cleared his throat, and Logan sighed, lifting his head. He was just standing there, holding out the slip of white paper. He shook his head with a strained smile and took the prescription, adding it to his wallet without looking at it. "It's for fifty milligrams of trazodone," Kasper said, frowning a little. "It's not a sedative, because I don't think you need one, but it is a medication that calms the mind and makes you sleepy. If you lay down after taking it, you'll fall asleep." He paused for a moment. "Are you all right?" "I'm fine. I'm just..." Logan sighed. "I'm having one of those cravings." Kasper raised his eyebrows, and then sat behind his desk again. "For blood?" "And sex, yeah." "You can't cut yourself. It isn't safe, and you know that." Kasper began writing in his file again, and for the millionth time, Logan wondered what was in there. "My advice would be to go to the gym, work out the frustrations, followed by a hot shower to relax. Maybe go out to a movie? The key to breaking a habit is resisting temptation." Logan clenched his teeth. "I'm not that great at restraint." "Then you need to learn to be great at it." Kasper tilted his head. "How can I help?" How could he help? Logan wanted to laugh. He could help by bending over the fucking desk. He could help by crying out as Logan landed blow after blow to his ass. He could help by giving him what he wanted so badly, sex and blood and submission. Kasper would be so beautiful in his submission, crawling for him, blushing for him, coming for him. Logan closed his eyes, but the visions were bright behind his eyelids, and his pulse pounded through him. He didn't think his cock could get any harder. Logan wanted relief. However it happened, that's what he wanted. He slowly opened his eyes, his vision filled with Kasper's pensive, almost uncertain expression. "If I jack off, I know the urge will go away." "Then, by all means, that's what you should do – just without the blood," Kasper said. "Masturbation is a wonderful stress reliever. Not only is it common sense, but medical science has shown that an orgasm is as important in the average human's life as crying." "If I go home and jack off, I'll cut myself," Logan said, his voice tight. Listening to Kasper talk like that, it made a fantasy form in his head. Kasper sprawled on a bed, touching himself, all while Logan licked up a line of blood along the inside of Kasper's thigh. God help him, he was hard up if he was seriously contemplating his therapist as a sex partner. "Let me do it here. I'll get off, clean up, and go home. No harm, no foul." Kasper's cheeks tinted such a lovely pink, his eyes wide with shock. "No." Logan narrowed his eyes. "I wouldn't cut myself here."

"Logan, I am not a sex therapist. In fact, even a sex therapist wouldn't encourage you to masturbate in their office." Kasper shook his head. "You may not cut here, but something much worse would happen." "Dr. Bromley–" Kasper stood up, hands on his desk. "As much as I want to help you, I can't help you like this. I need to have your trust to work with you." "I wouldn't ask if I didn't trust you," Logan insisted. He didn't want to go home and play with himself. If he did that, he'd just imagine Kasper, his body and lips, and then he'd slice open his thumb and get himself off. At least this way, he wouldn't give in to the blood fetish. "I don't want to cut myself to get off." "Then don't!" Kasper pinched the bridge of his nose, his shoulders tight. "If I sat here and supervised you masturbating, I'd lose your trust, and that wouldn't be the worst of the consequences. This is something... I can't help you with." Logan stood up, his jeans rasping against his erection. "If I go home and do it, I know what'll happen." Anger filled him as much as the lust and need. He asked for help, and he wasn't being given it. "I know what I will do because it's cycling in my head now! I need help!" "I am helping! I am helping by saying no, Logan," Kasper said, his voice wavering. It was there, though. Logan could see it in Kasper's eyes. There was desire and curiosity. There was that hint of attraction. This was a line drawn in the sand, and he had a choice. He could go home and bleed as he came, or he could stay here, get himself off, and go home without giving in to a dangerous habit he so badly wanted to be rid of. "Fine," he snapped. "A compromise then." Logan yanked the office door open and stalked down the hallway. He stepped into the small bathroom across from the breakroom and slammed the door. As he locked it, there was a knock, but he ignored it. He unfastened the button of his jeans and slid the zipper down. "Logan!" Kasper's voice was muffled through the door. "Logan, you can't do this. Not here. Go home." "Sorry, doc," he said, leaning against the door as he took himself in hand. "I don't want to cut myself." "Logan," Kasper groaned, and Logan heard a thump against the door. Probably leaning his forehead against the door, just as Logan was pressing his shoulders to the other side. If he closed his eyes, he could almost pretend... "Please, Logan, this isn't going to help. Go home. Go to the gym. Call a friend." Logan shook his head as he began to slide his hand up and down his cock. "You have no idea what it's like." "Then tell me. I want to help," Kasper said. "It starts, like this red cloud in my head," Logan said roughly, his hand unrelenting as it moved on his cock. Pleasure filled him and made the urge to have that coppery tang on his tongue even worse. "It starts with the smallest sexual thought, and then it spirals out of control. Once it starts, it's hard for me to stop it. All I want is to come with blood on my tongue. Am I crazy? I have to be." "No, you're not crazy, but you're going to drive yourself mad by doing this to yourself. You need to find outlets for the frustration. Pick up a hobby–" "This isn't like quitting smoking!" Logan glared at his reflection in the bathroom mirror. He was aroused and disgusted by what he was doing, but he didn't stop. He couldn't. Not until this was purged from his system. "I'll try harder. Tomorrow, I'll try harder." Kasper was quiet for a moment, and then murmured, "I can't stand out here and talk to you while you do this, Logan. It's improper. If you won't stop, then I need to return to my office."

"Go!" Logan closed his eyes finally. There was a stillness he could feel, and then the soft sound of Kasper's polished, high class shoes on the thin carpet. Logan heard the office door shut, and then the disgust really set in. He slid down the door, his cock bobbing as he went, and let his head loll back. "What am I doing?" he whispered. "What the fuck am I doing?" But he knew. He was a deviant. Twisted up inside by something he didn't think he could ever overcome, and he'd almost alienated his only ally in this. Kasper had resisted temptation—and Logan knew he'd been a temptation—but Logan hadn't. Suddenly, coming didn't seem so important, and neither did blood. His head fell forward into his hands, and he just sat there, his mind a mess. What was he going to do now?

Chapter Three Kasper rubbed his eyes before rolling over in bed and snatching up his alarm clock. Four o'clock. He'd been lying awake since midnight. It was so unlike him. He went to bed at ten and slept solidly until six. It was his routine, and now his routine was mucked up. He flopped onto his back and closed his eyes with a sigh, but that only made matters worse. Behind his lids, he saw Logan leaning against the bathroom door jacking off. He could almost hear the moaning and shifting, the thickness of voice as pleasure built. Kasper groaned, his own sex stirring as the mental image sharpened. Logan looked at him, those dark, fathomless blue eyes drawing him in, commanding him in a way he'd never thought to want. "He's your patient, Kasper," he hissed at himself, but it didn't matter. Almost three months of therapy sessions had left his mind and body distracted and needy, a war waging along the dangerous line between doctor and lover. Within the fantasy, Kasper knelt between those parted knees and leaned in, inhaling the yeasty musk of Logan's groin. He knew there would be that salty bitterness coating the shaft as he licked upwards, encouraged by Logan's hand on the back of his head. Kasper would give a final look up into Logan's eyes, and then he'd devour the cock, sucking and licking, savoring every thrust into his throat. Kasper moaned, shoving his hand under his pajama bottoms. He would make it quick, as if that would remove the guilt and wrongness of fantasizing about his own patient. Stroking swiftly, he squirmed atop the bed, almost feeling the thickness in his throat as he gasped and whimpered. Oh yes, the slickness of pre-come in the back of his throat, that swelling surge just before eruption, and then Logan's hands pulling his hair, holding him in place as those hot spurts of come filled his waiting mouth. Arching, Kasper cried out, his climax rushing through him with shameful ecstasy. He continued to pull at his flesh, teasing the sensitivity until it bordered on pain, until he was as satisfied as he could be. He sagged against his bed and stared up at the ceiling. Dammit! Now not only was he masturbating while thinking of his patient, he was exhausted and dirty. Cursing himself for the umpteenth time that very night, Kasper rose from the bed and stalked to the bathroom for a shower. Not that it would do him much good.

Logan had filled the prescription Kasper gave him, but he'd still had to show up for his night shift at the warehouse. It was useless to take sleeping meds when dawn was only an hour away. The moment the clock on his microwave read 8:00 am, he dialed the number on the card Kasper had given him. He didn't dare waste any more time. He had to snag this job opportunity if he could.

The receptionist who answered after the second ring was way too cheerful for how early it was, but Logan cleared his throat and did his best to be polite instead of grumpy after another sleepless night. "Hi. My name is Logan Walker. Dr. Kasper Bromley told me to call Adam about a job opening?" He hated hearing the raw uncertainty in his voice. He needed this job. The woman put him on hold, and Logan felt the slow pound of a headache beginning behind his eyes. He was subjected to a torturous three minutes of an elevator remix of The Firebird Suite before the line clicked. He pressed the button for the speaker phone when the music finally stopped. "Mr. Walker?" The voice on the other end of the line was suddenly male. That got Logan's attention. "Yeah? I'm here," Logan supplied hastily, sitting upright on the edge of his bed. "This is Adam Cribbs. I can meet you for an interview this afternoon. Do you know where the large office building is on Devonshire and Milton in the financial district?" Logan grinned. That wasn't too far from his apartment. "Yes, I know the area. What floor and suite?" "Seventh floor, suite 721. Can you make it at three-thirty?" "Definitely. I'll be there," he promised. "Good," Adam replied. "I'll see you then." "Yes. Thank you very much. Bye." The line went dead and Logan pressed the button to turn his phone onto vibrate, tossing it to the far side of his bed with a smile. Not only did he have an instant interview, he also had time to sleep beforehand. Snagging up his new pill bottle, he downed a dose of the trazodone with a swig of water and set his alarm. His high spirit distracted him from any thoughts of blood, and the medication worked like a charm when coupled with his exhaustion, pulling him under within minutes.

Logan only owned one good suit, but he donned it for the occasion and made an effort to mask the dark patches beneath his eyes before grabbing the bus to take him the short distance to his interview. How was it possible that a full six hours of sleep after a few nights of insomnia could leave a person even more exhausted than before? Logan just hoped the Fates weren't giving him some sign of ongoing misfortunes. When the bus arrived at the right building he quickly made his way up to Suite 721. A last deep breath, and he opened the door. "Can I help you?" The lady at the front desk was different than the one he had heard over the phone, elderly, but still smiling kindly. Logan wasn't sure why that made him feel better. He smiled back, though he wasn't sure it completely reached his eyes. "Yes, please," he said politely, on his best behavior. "I have an appointment at three-thirty with Mr. Adam Cribbs." "Ah," the lady said, her wrinkled brow perking up with recognition. She picked up the phone and dialed a couple numbers. "Mr. Cribbs?" There was a short pause. "Yes, sir. He just arrived." She smiled again as she hung up the phone. "Come with me." Logan tried his best to breathe deeply as he followed the receptionist down a hallway and past some cubicles to a room with frosted glass windows. He could only assume the fiery redhead that stood up when he entered the room was Adam. The man was taller than he had expected, with a broad chest and muted green eyes. His face was friendly enough, and his smile was contagious. "Hello, Logan." He shook Adam's hand when it was offered. "Hello, Mr. Cribbs. Thanks for seeing me on such short notice." "Not a problem. Take a seat."

Logan sat and immediately unsnapped the buckles of his shoulder bag, extracting a manilla folder from its depths. "I brought my resume, sir. It's a bit eclectic, but I trust you'll find it satisfactory." He handed over the folder and was pleased when Adam immediately skimmed over the first page inside. Those green eyes darted up at him again. "You know Kasper? Alicia said he's the one who suggested you contact me, right?" Logan couldn't help but catch the faint smile on Adam's face, as well as the easy use of his therapist's first name. "Yeah. He told me to tell you about his recommendation and said that you can call him this weekend if you have any questions." "It's about time I call him," Adam chuckled, shaking his head lightly. "Well, did he tell you anything about the position? I haven't filled it because he hasn't sent many people my way. I trust Kasper's opinion. He has this... uncanny ability to see the truth in people." Adam's smile broadened, and Logan wasn't sure he liked the familiarity he sensed. "If he sent you to me, he must think quite highly of you." Okay, maybe that comment made up for it a little. Kasper and Adam could just be close, he decided. "Dr. Bromley flatters me. He said it's a clerical position, one that would utilize my computer and client interaction skills." He worded it strategically, trying to show, in a subtle way, how badly he wanted the job. "It's pretty simple stuff. Alicia or Barb can teach you the software we use. You'll keep track of client records, compose the estimates I give you, make catering arrangements for gatherings we hold, and other such things. If you do well, you can be up for a promotion after one year." "That sounds great," Logan whispered, surprised that he got his voice to work at that moment. Great? It was a fucking godsend! "Alicia opens the office at seven-thirty. Work starts at eight. We stay until five, unless there's a looming deadline, and then we stay as long as necessary. You will be paid for any overtime you wind up having to work. The position is fifteen an hour, benefits after sixty days. You will be paid every other week, and if you are with us a year, you'll qualify for the 401K." Adam smiled at his astonished expression. "Dress is business casual. Sound agreeable, Logan?" Logan had to swallow a couple times as he nodded. "More than agreeable, sir." It was a dream come true, a steady job with benefits so he wouldn't have to work a second job. "All right, then," Adam said with a nod. "Go up front and fill out your W-4 and I-9 and the insurance benefits application. We'll expect you Thursday morning for training, eight sharp." "So soon?" Logan asked, wide-eyed. "J-just like that?" Adam simply smiled at him. "You obviously want the job, or else Kasper wouldn't have sent you to me. You'll be a dedicated employee, trustworthy, and loyal. I trust him implicitly. So, yes, that soon and just like that. You're part of Cribbs, Halloway, and Peterson." Logan let out a swift exhale, and before he knew it a smile lit up his face. "Thank you, sir." He reached out and vigorously shook Adam's hand. A thought occurred to him suddenly, and his smile faltered a fraction. "I hope it doesn't cost me the position... but I may need to leave a bit early on Tuesdays and Fridays when there aren't any of those looming deadlines. I have standing appointments with Dr. Bromley those days before his office closes. Will I still be able to make them? I can put in more hours the others days to make up for it," he offered swiftly, trying to lessen the blow. Adam blinked slowly and frowned, though it wasn't a severe expression on the kind face. "You aren't a casual acquaintance of Kasper's?" Logan knew admitting to seeing a psychologist regularly could cost him the job, but he couldn't just stop his appointments. He needed them, damn it. He swallowed before telling the truth, yet again. "No, sir. I'm one of his patients. I'm sorry. I should have explained his referral when I first got you on

the phone." It had been an honest mistake, though. He wouldn't have withheld it, especially with the possibility of Adam calling Kasper to discuss him. Better to learn from the source than through gossip. "Ah." Adam seemed to consider that for a minute, and Logan felt his heart pounding in his chest when the redhead spoke again. "I'll call Kasper tonight and see if he can rearrange his schedule some so you don't have to miss work." Logan let out an audible exhale, and Adam chuckled at his relief, leaning back in his chair. "We'll make certain you keep your appointments with him somehow." "Thank you, sir," Logan said, gratitude oozing from every pore of his body. "Any arrangement will be fine by me. My cell phone number is listed on my resume if you need to contact me at all, and Kasper has the number as well. I'll be happy to fill out the paperwork and come in Thursday morning, regardless." Adam grinned and stood. "We'll see you then, Logan." They shook hands one last time, and Logan couldn't help but smile. "Yes, sir. Thank you, sir." He might have sounded like a broken record, but he was just happy, relieved. God, this meant he could quit his other jobs. No more night shifts! Sensing Adam's dismissal, he grabbed his bag and headed back down the hallway the way he had come. Who'd have thought he'd ever be this excited to fill out paperwork?

Chapter Four Logan jolted from his seat in the Norman B. Leventhal Park, nearly dropping his sandwich as he scrambled to find his ringing phone in his bag. Pressing the button to answer, he brought it to his ear without looking at the screen. "This is Logan." "Where the hell have you been, man? I've been trying to get a hold of you for a fuckin' month!" It was a very familiar voice on the other end of the line, and Logan couldn't help but smile a little bit while putting his unfinished lunch back in his bag. "Hey, Josh. I've been busy... lots of extra work lately, and I haven't been sleeping well." They were all excuses, really, but he wasn't sure what else he could say that wouldn't sound ridiculous. "I figured that," Josh grumbled, "but what happened to you? You've gone AWOL, totally disappeared." Logan clenched his jaw, frowning at a nearby tree since Josh wasn't there to receive the expression in person. "I sent my lover to the fucking hospital; that's what's happened to me! I'm getting help." "Dude." Josh's tone completely changed, trying to comfort him. "You didn't do anything wrong." "Oh, didn't I?" Logan scoffed. "The scene is one of the best gossip mills I know, so don't tell me people haven't been whispering that I ignored his safeword. If he said it, then I didn't hear it or didn't want to hear it, Josh, and that's bad. That's worse than bad." He heard Josh sigh over the phone and nodded. "So they've been whispering," Josh admitted. "That doesn't mean much. Half the shit they whisper isn't true, and everyone knows that." When he didn't answer, Josh goaded him. "C'mon, man, do you want to go to Catharsis tonight?" "I can't. I just got a new job that'll have me up early in the morning. My first day is tomorrow." "So you don't have time for your friends anymore?" "I didn't say that," Logan defended himself, raising his voice in that subtle way that demanded silence in return. "Listen, I can't do the clubs anymore. There's something wrong in my head, and I need to work it out. I could have killed him, and I could do something like that again if someone gives me the opportunity. You want to be a friend? Come with me around town today and help me pick out some business casual stuff. I don't have the right clothes for this job, and you've got better fashion sense than I do." There was a long pause, and Logan started to give up hope. Josh was right about one thing. He hadn't done anything with friends for weeks. Ever since he'd sent Shane to the hospital, his life had been nothing but work and head shrinking. Josh was his closest friend, the only one who'd bothered to call more than once in the last month to check up on him. If he lost Josh, there was no hope of salvaging things with everyone else. "When can I pick you up?"

Logan sighed his relief, closing his eyes with a smile. "I'm at the Leventhal Park in the financial district. You can pick me up now." He paused, his chest getting that warm feeling he so rarely felt nowadays. "Thanks, Josh." "Yeah, yeah," Josh chuckled. "Thank me after we see the tab for your damned clothes." The line clicked dead, and Logan shook his head, flipping his cell phone closed. At least he had a friend who still cared enough to call. It was an unforeseen comfort.

Kasper looked up from his newspaper and smiled as Adam approached. On Wednesday afternoons, this was Kasper's getaway from the office and paperwork. Lunch with Adam was an infrequent, but always anticipated event. He folded his paper and set it aside when Adam sat down, an amused expression on his ex's face. "Do I have something on my face?" Kasper asked, nodding to the waitress when she looked at him. Adam shrugged. "I don't know. It's not every day you send a down-and-out man to my doorstep demanding I give him the position I'd only just told you about." "He needed a job. You had one." Kasper smiled. "It was serendipity." "No," Adam said, chuckling, "it was you meddling yet again." Kasper affected a pout. "At least my meddling helps. He will also need to leave work early on Tuesdays and Fridays in order to keep his appointments with me in the evenings." "Evening appointments?" "Yes." Kasper shook his head, chuckling. "Lynn, the receptionist? She likes that she doesn't have to stay late those days. Her kids have some sort of sports practices Tuesdays, and everyone likes going home early on Fridays. Logan checks in, and Lynn heads home." Adam quirked his eyebrow. "You know an awful lot about your receptionist. I think I know that Barb is married, has a three-year-old, and dyes her hair." Kasper grinned. "That's because I pay attention to the people around me. Do you plan to actually pay attention to Logan, or are you just going to throw him to the wolves?" "The wolves." Adam laughed when Kasper glared at him, and then they picked up their menus. "He isn't really skilled in advertising." "Logan will catch on. He's intelligent and quick, and why are you looking at the menu?" Kasper snatched it out of Adam's hand. "You order the same thing every day. Tuna on whole wheat, hold the pickles, with extra mayonnaise and a side of sweet potato fries." "Tell me again why I didn't marry you?" Kasper tsked. "Because you wanted to marry Shawn, if I recall correctly." Adam had the grace to look embarrassed, and Kasper let it slide. They'd not really discussed the ending of their relationship two years prior, but it was still a tender subject for them both despite their close friendship. "You hired him right? Logan, I mean?" "Of course I did." Adam ordered when the waitress appeared, the meal just as Kasper had predicted. "I wasn't going to risk you storming over to the house and lecturing me on being a better person, helping those less advantaged than myself." After ordering his own meal, Kasper smiled brightly at Adam. "So my sermons have had an effect! Adam, I'm so proud." Adam rolled his eyes. "Shove it, Queenie." Kasper laughed, feeling more like himself than he had since Logan's first appointment. "He won't let you down. Logan is a determined man, hell-bent on doing for himself. He wants to be more than he is, and I think you can help him with that."

"You're placing an awful lot of pressure on me," Adam warned. "I can only give him the opportunity to learn and advance. He is sharp. I saw that when I interviewed him, but he might be overwhelmed by corporate life. He's never held a job like this." "All the more reason for you to be his first." Kasper winked. "You're very good at that." Adam snorted. "Says one who knows from experience." "How is Shawn?" "He's well. He enrolled in MassArt, so I think he's finally going to take his talent seriously." Adam took a sip of water. "He keeps asking when you're going to come around for dinner again." Kasper frowned. "Has it been that long?" Yes, it had. It was Adam's last birthday, actually. "Well, you're having the barbeque in a couple of weeks, right? I'll come by then." Adam eyed him. "You better, or else Shawn is going to come to your house and drag you by your hair back to ours for a dinner date." Another laugh filled Kasper's throat. "I'd almost like to see that." Adam grinned as the waitress brought them their food. "So would I."

Kasper smiled at Logan. "You've not spoken much about your personal life. We've discussed some of your fantasies and habits, but never much more. You once said you used to frequent certain clubs, but stopped after hurting Shane. Are you still avoiding those situations?" Logan looked down and exhaled slowly. "Yes," he admitted quietly. "It's just too much of a temptation. I feel like if I get too close, I'll harm someone again. I don't think I can be trusted, nor do I believe submissives would trust me, even if I did go back." "And I can imagine how important trust is in such situations where someone could inadvertently be hurt." "Harmed," Logan corrected with an upward glance. A faint smile curved Kasper's lips as he raised an eyebrow. "There is a difference?" Logan nodded, his gaze resolutely returning to Kasper's. "In a BDSM scene, hurt happens all the time. When I take a cane or a flogger to someone's ass, you can bet it hurts, but that's part of the point. It's a hurt that's desired and consented to. Harm is when you go beyond that, when you push past safety and consent. I have hurt every person I've fucked in the last year." He paused, a hint of a smile curving his lips. This was familiar territory for him; he'd addressed this same preconception many times in the past. "And they've loved every minute of it. It's the harm that I regret, that makes me feel shame." Kasper swallowed and nodded slightly. "And you harmed Shane." Logan's expression fell, his very manner confirming Kasper's words as he averted his eyes again. "I did. I took more than he was willing to give, more than was safe." "And the consequences of that action are that you're blacklisted? You won't find another submissive for your play?" The questions stung, but Logan answered them anyway. "It's not that organized. It's not like a club roster I've been cut from. It's just people know what happened to Shane, and they know who Shane was with when it happened. What sort of person would go out on a limb to submit to me knowing that?" Logan asked. "There has to be trust, and after what I did to Shane, it would be... unlikely that someone would trust me enough to put their safety in my hands." The desire was still there, to control and dominate, but he wasn't sure it was a good idea to entertain thoughts of going back. One slip of the knife was all it took. One moment of overwhelming ecstasy during the bloodletting that would cause him to disregard his partner's safety. It was a risk he wasn't sure he was willing to take. It was why he was seeking help.

"You long for such trust," Kasper mused. "I don't know that I deserve it," Logan murmured. "I didn't ask about what you deserved." Logan opened his mouth to protest, but he found the words lingering in his throat. After a few moments, he conceded. "You're right." "Is there no way you can earn that trust among your circle again?" Blinking, Logan swallowed. "I'm not sure." "I suppose the only way for you to know is to try, isn't it?" "You're suggesting that I go back and just see what happens?" Logan asked slowly, his brow furrowing. Kasper nodded. "Engage in your activities as you would, but don't draw blood. After all, a healthy sex life is nothing to be ashamed of." "No, it's not," Logan agreed, but there was still uncertainty in his eyes as he debated the matter, forcing himself to do some of his thinking aloud. "It's so tempting... to try again. So tempting to look for that one person who would understand. I just don't know if I can do it, Kasp–Dr. Bromley. I don't know if I can put myself back into the clubs and resist the opportunities to take blood. I've done a pretty bad job of restraining myself without those temptations." He held up his hand, displaying the two bandaged fingertips he had sucked from in the last two days. "You see it as a failure?" Kasper asked, allowing the slip up with his name to pass without remark, much to Logan's relief. Logan nodded after a few seconds. "I feel like I lose control, and I'm trying to bring this under control, so yeah, it feels like a failure, like I've broken my own rules." "Do you think your personal rules are restrictive, perhaps?" "Of course they are, but isn't that the point?" Logan tilted his head, raising his eyebrow at Kasper. Kasper shrugged. "There should be limits, but when you restrict yourself entirely, you set yourself up for failure. Pricking your fingers as you masturbate is a fine compromise to taking it from another." That shut Logan up. The words forced him to think, forced him to evaluate himself from a different perspective. He had pricked himself or bitten his lip quite a few times over the duration of his visits with Kasper, but never once had he taken blood from another. That was an accomplishment he hadn't fully recognized or celebrated. He took a few slow breaths, and his eyes drifted up to capture Kasper's again. "Do you think I shouldn't be so strict?" "I think you should admit what you need and accept that, not rail against it," Kasper murmured. Logan swallowed. "I need blood." "And your own blood is satisfying in those moments?" "As satisfying as I think it could be during masturbation," Logan admitted, licking his lips. "But if I was with a partner..." Kasper nodded. "You don't think you could resist." "There's just something different about sharing it with another, someone who's willing and doesn't see it as a disgusting compulsion. Even if it's just a taste during a session, a small cut that adds another dimension to the pain and pleasure, it's so much better than being on my own and sucking my fingers until they feel bruised." Logan shifted in his seat a bit; all the talk of blood was starting to affect him. "I don't know how to describe the rush I feel when another submits to me like that. They give me control and trust. They fulfill my fantasy as I try to fulfill theirs. I give them the pleasure spiked with pain, exactly what they come to me for, and I am rewarded with their submission, with their beautiful surrender."

Kasper stood quickly, moving his pad over his groin in what he probably thought was a casual move, but Logan could see a distinct bulge in the doctor's trousers before the notepad obscured it. Kasper walked to his desk and sat behind the massive piece of furniture. "I believe your hour has passed," he said, his voice thick and eyes averted. "Do you need anything else today, Logan?" Clenching his jaw and closing his eyes, Logan struggled to quell the irrational desires that streaked through his mind, visions that replaced those faceless submissives with Kasper. Yes... Kasper on his hands and knees, whimpering beneath the lash, or on his back, legs suspended and wide. The look in those blue eyes as he made a cut and– He stood, unable to hide the light flush of his cheeks as he shook his head, swiftly gathering his coat. "No, Dr. Bromley," he forced out. "Thank you for your time. I'll see you again in a couple days." Kasper turned that professional smile on Logan, even though Logan had a fair idea that there was nothing professional in the good doctor's thoughts. "Good evening, Logan," Kasper said, his tone tense as his eyes returned to that damned notepad. "Good evening, Kasper. I mean, Dr. Bromley," Logan amended hastily, retreating out of the blond's office before he could make any more slips, before he could read even more into Kasper's expression than he already had.

Kasper flipped through his various notes of his last session with Logan, slowly adding them to the official file. He paused as he focused on his notes about Logan's description of the clubs, of what went on behind those carefully guarded doors that didn't allow casual strangers. Bodies in all state of dress, some bearing the marks of ownership, of trials lived through under a lash, and the fantasies simply filled Kasper's mind. He moaned, closing his eyes for a moment, the pen in his hand shaking faintly as he tried to center himself. But calm and grounded never came. He was hard in his trousers, his mind spinning with all sorts of possibilities. His mind kept swirling around Logan's words, about sex and pain and blood, and he was helpless before the storm of his own thoughts. He wanted to know what it would be like to be Logan's submissive, to kneel before him and do anything he was told. The freedom of no longer being in charge, of doing nothing but pleasing his master, was such a temptation to him, and that shocked Kasper. Never had he thought being beaten would be a turn on! His thoughts turned to sessions with Logan. Pain and sex. He wondered what would lead Logan to making him bleed. Would he want that? Yes, yes, they both would, and Kasper knew it in the pit of his stomach. He moaned as he shifted, his cock rubbing against the seams of his boxers and trousers. "Fuck," he said, rubbing his face with his hands. He tried to ignore his body, as if it were even possible, and then his eyes lighted on his notes again. A small cut that adds another dimension to the pain and pleasure. Logan had said there was something more added to it all when there was blood. Kasper found himself wondering what such a session would be like. What would lead to that small cut, and just what was that added dimension like? He moaned again as his hand fell into his lap and rubbed against the ridge of his cock. God, now look at him: jacking off in his office like some horny teenaged boy. He couldn't stop though. The images that flittered through his mind were too much. They were vague notions, ideas inspired by Logan's words during their various therapy sessions, but they haunted Kasper. A paddle, a whip. Handcuffs... shackles... leather around his wrists. His heart pounding in his throat, his groin, his ass. He had his trousers open and his cock out almost before he made the conscious thought to, his fingers wrapped tightly around the straining flesh.

Within moments, Kasper was squirming, biting into his lip to keep from moaning again. He frantically grabbed for a handful of tissues as the pleasure crested far too quickly. As images of Logan's bloody mouth pressed to his wrist flashed through his mind, Kasper came, the force of his climax causing him to bend forward over his desk as the tissues caught most of the fluid. He remained hunched there, panting madly, his eyes focused on his hastily scribbled notes about Logan. He read and reread the same line over and over as his body twitched with the aftershocks of pleasure. Admit what is needed and accept that. Kasper closed his eyes. Acceptance was simply not an option for him.

Logan sighed as he pushed away from his computer. He had called Adam and secured the job position a few weeks ago, but ever since he had gone in to interview for the position, he had been distracted. With his financial troubles fading, and his sleeping schedule evening out with the routine of working, his mind was becoming all the more preoccupied with thoughts of Kasper. The way Adam had spoken about Kasper when they had first met made it clear beyond a doubt that his psychologist was gay, and after the slight shock had dissipated, he couldn't stop thinking about that day in the bathroom. Kasper on one side of the door, him on the other, his cock hanging out like a randy highschooler between classes. Knowing for sure that Kasper was gay only made that moment brighter in Logan's mind. They'd not spoken of it, not discussed it, and Logan was fine with that. But, sitting in his partitioned corner of Adam's business downtown, his mind wandered away from the spreadsheets and presentations he had been working on for hours. Instead, his mind turned to thoughts of blond hair and flushed skin. He thought of Kasper's entrancing smile and the way it would contort with pain and pleasure at his hands if he had the man under his sensual control. The way the man's strong hands would tremble if he cut at the wrist or fingertips and released a slow trickle of blood, sucking at the crimson fluid while he– Oh, God, it was happening again. He ground his teeth together, trying to banish the thoughts of Kasper's blood, which were already making him painfully hard in his work pants. This had happened so many times over the last few weeks. It didn't matter that Kasper had denied him, he'd seen the lust in Kasper's eyes. He'd seen the desire to say yes there in Kasper's pale blue eyes. He always tried to put his mind back on the right track, though, focusing on the tasks at hand instead of the fantasies. He always tried. He always failed. Rising from his rolling chair, he looked around cautiously. Two of his co-workers stood between him and the bathroom, and he inwardly cursed. He couldn't keep working like this, and his desperation rose as more thoughts of flowing blood and smiling lips screaming in ecstasy made him moan deep in his throat. His face unnaturally flushed, he snatched his bag from beside his desk and draped it over his neck and shoulder, maneuvering it so it covered his obvious state of arousal. He tried to act nonchalant as he passed his co-workers, who thankfully didn't turn away from their conversation to note his flustered state. Safely locked in the bathroom, he turned on the water in the sink and made quick work of his belt, fly, and underwear. Thoughts of Kasper bombarded him as he stroked himself. He could see the blond behind his closed eyelids, gloriously nude and bound in a kneeling position with his arms pulled up and chained to the ceiling. He could hear the voice that had soothed him so many times raised in a plaintive moan as he ceased his torment of Kasper's flushed, welted ass. Yes, that voice would beg him without words, and he would smile as he slid himself deep inside the man's throat. Logan moaned, the sound nearly lost in the rush of the running water from the sink, and he brought his hand to his mouth, his teeth latching onto the meaty portion of his palm at the base of his

thumb. Grinding his teeth, he hissed when the skin broke, but the blood made him shudder, and he cried out against his hand as he sucked. His imagination ran wild, replacing his stroking hand with Kasper's mouth, substituting his blood for Kasper's, which he imagined would be heady and hot, pulsing strongly down his throat as he possessed the older man. It was more stimulation than he could handle, and he bucked as his orgasm overwhelmed him, his vision stolen by motes of light and color. Panting on the bathroom floor, he cursed when he came back to himself and released his bleeding thumb. He would have to hide a few stains for the remainder of the day, and typing was going to be a bitch. Reaching for his bag, he carefully bandaged himself and rested his head against the wall with a sigh. He didn't know how many more sessions with Kasper he could handle. His control was already frayed. One more push, one more cut, and there was no telling what he might do.

Chapter Five Kasper listened to Logan, but not attentively. No, his eyes were drawn again and again to the lips that kept moving, the voice droning into a background noise he barely registered. There. That pink muscle darted out to wet the dry flesh, and Kasper wondered what that tongue would feel like licking at his nipples, up the arch of his cock. Or stabbing into him over and over, making him cry out and writhe. Kasper shook his head and cleared his throat, chastising himself for such thoughts. Thoughts that had plagued him for weeks now. "I'm sorry, Logan, what were you saying?" he asked, hoping his blush and the thickness of his voice weren't too noticeable. Logan had been babbling, avoiding eye contact. The sudden question, which was posed in the middle of his sentence, seemed to throw him off his cadence, and he blinked a few times. A furtive glance at Kasper, and Logan immediately swallowed. Kasper knew then that Logan was as aware as he of what was between them, and he wasn't so certain how much longer they could avoid the inevitable confrontation the tension was building toward. "I was just saying that work is going well. We're working on a big project now, and Adam's been very informative." Kasper smiled, trying to focus his mind. "Has he?" "Yeah," Logan nodded, wringing his hands a little in his lap. They stared at one another, unable to look away. "He's teaching me the details of my position in the company." Kasper shifted in his seat, picking up the clear innuendo in the sentence. He tried not to make assumptions, but he had the niggling thought that Logan was now sleeping with Adam. Logan paused, and Kasper could almost see the wheels turning in the younger man's head before he spoke again. "Adam's nice, encouraging, commands a certain presence. He speaks of you every once in a while, always by name." Kasper's eyes darted away from Logan's for only a moment, hiding the relief, for Shawn and his own jealousy. Jealousy? Yes, he had been jealous for that brief second when he thought Logan was intimate with Adam. "Of course he does. He's a good friend." "Are you fucking him?" "What?" Kasper choked out, his eyes wide and face blazing in the wake of such a crude, blunt question. Logan raised an eyebrow. "You heard me." Kasper lifted his chin. "Not that it's any of your business, but, no, I'm not." Logan let out a long breath and sat back in his chair. There was a sense of calm and confidence that settled over him that Kasper didn't appreciate. Add to that the hint of a smile, and Logan actually looked satisfied with his response. Wanting to ruffle his patient's feathers, Kasper spat out, "But I used to. For three years, he was my live-in lover."

There was a visible change in Logan's expression as satisfaction bled into undisguised envy. It seemed to take Logan by surprise, and he shifted in his seat, his eyes becoming distant. Kasper could only guess what was going through Logan's mind, but the way Logan's breathing became shallow hinted at something along the lines of Logan's sexual deviance. "Now, about your therapy, Logan," Kasper said, his voice tight. "Have you had any instances of blood and masturbation since our last appointment?" "Many," Logan replied tersely. Kasper set aside his pad and pen, and then gripped the arms of his chair as he gazed levelly at Logan. "Many?" Something inside him shifted, a dangerous abandoning of all sense of propriety and calm. Maybe he'd lost his mind, but the long nights of wanting and two hours a week in this man's company had eroded his restraint. "How many?" "Seven." "In three days?" "No, in three months," Logan snapped. Kasper's eyes narrowed. "What were you fantasizing about, Logan?" Logan clenched his jaw tightly. "Come now, Logan. Just a few weeks ago, you were positively eager to jack off in front of me, so what keeps you from speaking what you fantasize about?" Kasper said, a slight reckless smile curving his lips. "You! It's you, all right? I think about fucking you in every position my mind can conjure!" Kasper felt his blood rushing in his ears when the words were out, echoing his own fantasies. "You masturbate while sucking your blood and thinking about fucking me?" Logan's groan was answer enough, and he shifted again in his seat. Kasper saw that Logan didn't even bother to hide the erection pressing against his jeans. Logan's concentration was consumed by something else, and Kasper could only hungrily speculate what. Grey-blue eyes took in the state of Logan's body in one, sweeping glance. "You do," Kasper breathed. "You're thinking about it right now." "Yeah," Logan admitted in a rushing exhale. "My hand in your hair, holding your head still as I thrust between those smiling lips..." Kasper had never before been attracted to a patient, and never before had a patient's fantasies—even when they included him—caused his cock to grow hard almost instantly. "But it's not your blood you imagine as you suck on your finger... It's mine," he almost panted. "My arm outstretched, a small nick in the wrist, as you suck, my cock hard and forgotten in favor of pleasuring you." Kasper soon found Logan's fantasy his own, his mind swirling with the image of himself before Logan, on his knees, his throat stretched and filled over and over. "Oh, fuck," Logan breathed, his eyes closed as his head fell back with a thud against the wooden edge along the back of the loveseat. His hands gripped tightly at the material of his jeans, his knuckles turning white. Though something in the back of his mind told Kasper to stop—that small, ethical voice of his —his tongue simply didn't listen. "You sucking on me as I suck on you. That's what you think about, that's what your mind has become preoccupied with." He swallowed thickly. "That's why you can't look me in the eyes anymore." Logan moaned, the sound caught between desire and shame, his breath fast as his hands began to shake. "Yes." All reason fled. Kasper forgot himself, where they were, why they even knew one another. "How often?" he whispered. "How often do you fantasize about fucking me from behind, a shallow gash on my shoulder as you slam into me, your mouth latched onto my flesh?" His own hands clutched at the edge of his chair, trying valiantly to keep his breathing even and failing.

Logan's voice was uneven as he ground out, "Every day." Kasper wet his lips. He gazed steadily at Logan and whispered, "So do I." Panting harshly, Logan righted his head and stared at Kasper, his brow furrowed, his eyes desperate. The tension between them became unbearable, and something intangible snapped under the strain. In a split second, Logan was upon him, hands holding his head and shoulder with nearly bruising force as Logan dominated his mouth in a fierce kiss. Kasper's mouth was filled with Logan's tongue, muffling his surprised cry. His eyes wide, Kasper's hands clung to the arms of his chair a moment longer as he finally tasted Logan. A violent shudder took hold of him, and his arms wrapped around Logan. He clung to Logan, and he easily spread his legs. It was intoxicating, a hint of the forbidden mingling with desperate need, and Kasper threw himself into the rough, sloppy kiss with all he was. One of Logan's hands moved lower, grasping Kasper's hip and yanking him to the edge of his seat. With the position slightly altered, Logan's hips thrust against his groin, and he moaned into their kiss. Kasper couldn't breathe. He didn't want to breathe. This had been what had haunted his steps for weeks now. It was that frightening moment where he stepped over a line no doctor should. He could stop it all now, he could, with a word. One word, and it would all end. He could send Logan to another therapist and wash his hands of the whole situation. Instead, he opened his mouth wider and invited Logan deeper. It was an invitation Logan took him up on immediately. Kasper groaned loudly, and his hands slid under Logan's shirt. He dragged his nails down Logan's back, rubbing himself shamelessly against the hard, insistent cock pressed against him. It was as if he were drowning, his own desires finally realized as he lay under the dominant body, his submission wordlessly offered in every movement and sound. Whatever ethical line he'd been holding onto had been washed away like lines in the sand. His choice was made. Logan moaned deep in his throat, and the sound morphed into a growl as he thrust forcefully. Any barriers that stood against Kasper fell to rubble, and they were drawn even closer when a final shift signaled Logan's surrender to the lust between them. Pulling Kasper's lower lip between his teeth, Logan bit, expertly applying just enough pressure to break the delicate skin. Digging his nails harshly into Logan's lower back, Kasper let loose a stifled scream. They were the only two still in the office, all others having left hours ago. Logan had been his last appointment, taken late in the evening in order to allow his patient a full work day. Kasper wondered, dazedly and distantly, if he'd subconsciously arranged to present them this very opportunity when he altered the time of their appointments. Blood welled in his mouth around Logan's teeth, and he hastily unfastened Logan's jeans and shoved his hand inside, his eyes rolling up in his head as the weight of Logan's cock settled against his palm. Safety was pointless. Logan had bit him. Blood tainted their kiss. This wasn't like him. Kasper was always safe, always so very careful. He chose lovers after months of dating, discussions of plans for the future, and a thorough health check. Every other moment in his life had been chosen specifically after plans had been made. Logan was something he hadn't planned on, and he threw himself into the hazard of this moment without another thought. The blood had been drawn. There was nothing he could do about it now. He stifled that voice in the back of his head that warned him he was treading in deep waters with an unseen riptide. If he drowned, so be it. Logan's shout was absorbed by their joined mouths. Kasper's torn lip was pulled into Logan's mouth and sucked. Logan thrust into his hand with enough force to pleasure them both. Maybe if Kasper hadn't been so worked up it wouldn't have been enough, but right now, his body was on fire and desperate for relief. Logan's tongue swirled over the cut on his lip and the moan it drew was answered by one of his own. Kasper had never been so aroused in his life, and he was pulled along by Logan. He nearly sobbed with want, mastered in a way he hadn't realized he'd been craving. His

grip was firm, his rhythm steady, and he squirmed restlessly under Logan. He wanted more, so much more, and he mindlessly plunged head-long into the delicious reality of what he'd been dreaming about for weeks. Logan didn't relinquish his lip as he moved a hand from Kasper's hip to his waist, tugging at the buckle of his belt. Once the belt was released, nimble fingers unbuttoned the khaki trousers and dove inside. Logan immediately stroked in time with Kasper's movements, each twist of Logan's hand a testament to his power and dominance. Without warning, Logan increased his pace, and Kasper submitted to the change, echoing it lest he throw off the rhythm. His whole body twitched under the new cadence as he was carried on the winds of carnality. It was pure lust with an undercurrent of professional affection, or at least that was what he told himself as he yanked on Logan's cock. He moaned. Blood was in their kiss and his body a traitor, eagerly arching and writhing, wanton in every respect. He squeezed his hand tighter as his breath hitched, his climax dancing just out of his reach. "Logan," he whimpered, heat raging inside, eager for release. Logan broke the kiss long enough to gasp in a deep breath and roughly command, "Come. Now!" His hand jerked, his pace on Kasper's cock faster as he sucked once again on the bloody lip. Kasper was surprised at the words, but was even more surprised that his body followed that order instantly. His back bowed as much as it was able while his hand moved erratically over Logan's cock. His scream fed seamlessly into Logan's waiting mouth. The climax was rough, violent, and, by God, so satisfying. It was everything he'd dreamed and more. Exhaustion tugged at him, but he forced his hand to keep stroking. Fortunately for Kasper's aching hand, Logan came only a few seconds later. He let out a final, short, intense cry, his body surging forward one more time as the first, powerful spasms shot his load over Kasper's curling fingers. Logan pulled back, breathing harshly. His tongue continued to lick lazily at the cut on Kasper's lip while the tension in his body at last unwound. "Holy fuck," Logan hissed. Panting and trembling with aftershocks, Kasper had to concur. "Dear God." His lip began to ache, his body a mesh of spent passion and satisfied soreness. He closed his eyes and allowed his head to fall back. His hand released Logan's softening shaft in order to rest beside his own. "Logan." Logan shook violently and suddenly leaned forward, clinging as he buried his face in the crook of Kasper's neck. Kasper swallowed and blinked several times, and all at once, he truly understood what it was he had just done. He was still Logan's doctor, the one Logan trusted, and no matter what had happened, that was how Logan would always see him. "Shh." He wrapped his arms around Logan, soothing with soft strokes of his hand. "It's all right, Logan. You've not done anything wrong." No, he had. "You provoked me. Why did you–I'll never stop now. I'll always want this. Always want you." Each phrase was broken up by shuddering exhales, each word filled with the same conflict he had heard in Logan's voice from the very beginning. "I crossed a line I shouldn't have." Kasper eased Logan off him and rose on weak legs, going to the small sink at the back of his office and wetting some paper towels to clean himself. "I don't usually swap bodily fluids so carelessly." Logan stumbled back in an obvious state of shock and sprawled on the loveseat he'd sat upon for months. Kasper saw Logan lift his shirt and wipe his hand across his chest, rubbing Kasper's come into his skin. His eyes jerked up to Logan's face in embarrassment. He took in the dazed look on Logan's face and waited silently. A minute or two later, the younger man spoke up. "Did you mean what you said? That you fantasize like I do?" Kasper tossed away the dirty paper towels and tucked himself back into his trousers. "I have no reason to lie to you about that. What we've just done has jeopardized my whole professional life."

Logan gritted his teeth. "You've been seeing me for months now. As a doctor, do you think there is something wrong with me? Am I a danger to myself or those around me?" "I think it could be properly managed with an aware and accepting sex partner." Logan took a deep breath, letting it out slowly, and then returned to a sitting position, locking dark eyes onto his. "And, as Kasper, do you want to be that partner?" "I cannot be your sex partner and your doctor." Kasper rubbed the bridge of his nose. "If I can even remain a doctor after this." He could have kicked himself. "Unethical. I have abused you in ways you cannot begin to understand. Used your trust in me– You needed me to help you, not fuck you. What I have done is unforgivable, Logan, and if the ethics board hears about it—if my partners hear about it—I will be out on my ass without any safety net for my future." Logan leaned forward, his fingers combing through his dark brown hair. Several silent minutes passed before Logan reminded him, "I asked you a question. Answer it." As he had before, Kasper found himself answering the moment he was ordered to. "Yes. Yes, I do, as unethical as the desire is." "Then be my lover. I stopped being your patient half an hour ago." Logan nodded his head toward the clock, which showed the time to be 7:32pm. "It is unethical for a psychologist to have a sexual relationship with a current or former patient," Kasper whispered. Logan had no retort for that, and silence fell between them again. It was even less comfortable than before. The impatient tapping of Logan's fingers spoke for his agitation. And, Kasper admitted, Logan had every right to be. Logan's face twisted in thought, his jaw clenching, his narrowed eyes darting about, as if searching the space between them for the answer. It was jarring when all the movements stopped and the blue eyes returned to Kasper. "I want you to come to one of the BDSM clubs with me. If we're gonna continue these appointments, and you're gonna keep trying to help me suppress my urges, then I think you should know what tempts me the most. Does your position allow for field trips, Dr. Bromley?" Kasper felt his stomach knot. "Go with you?" "Yeah," Logan said, sitting back in his seat. "You said that I would never know what I can handle unless I try. Your presence might help, don't you think?" "In a professional capacity?" "Of course." Logan's voice was even and calm. "I'll keep my hands to myself." Kasper crossed his arms. Dear God, the temptation to protest was immense. "Our Tuesday appointment, then?" he asked with a small sigh. Logan exhaled slowly. "Agreed. Just make sure you bring something a bit more casual to wear. If you look like a stereotypical doctor, someone'll think you're there to do medical-play." "What?" Kasper blurted out. Logan smirked. "Medical-play. You know... enemas, urethral sounding, 'I'll give you a sucker if you're good and act like a big boy'. Some people really get off on it." "Strange pastimes." Logan shrugged with a small smile. "Some would say the same of people who religiously watch football and go to games with their torsos painted in their team's colors." "Touché," Kasper conceded. "'Strange' is the norm in the BDSM world. Try to keep an open mind. You might see a lot of stuff you think is weird shit, but you won't be pulled into anything without your consent," Logan assured him. Kasper's cheeks turned a light shade of pink. "I have no intention of being pulled into anything at all. I am your doctor. I will accompany you to better understand your position and needs."

"Uh-huh," Logan murmured as he stood from his seat. "Would you rather meet up here or at the club?" "It would probably be less conspicuous if I met you there." "Fair enough," Logan nodded, draping his jacket over his arm and slinging his bag onto his shoulder. "Oak and 22nd Street. There's a parking lot a block or two south of it, just in case you can't find a parking space closer. I'll meet you there at 11:00pm. It won't start getting busy until then." Kasper nodded. "All right." "See you there," Logan said in parting. Pausing at the door, Logan looked at Kasper over his shoulder. "Remember. Nothing too medical-looking." With that, he disappeared through the doorway, a soft click left in his wake as the door shut behind him.

Chapter Six Logan couldn't hide the way he stared, his eyes wide as he tilted his head and looked Kasper up and down. It was obvious that the other man had gone clothes shopping for the occasion, because everything touching the blond's body looked fresh off the rack. The black mesh shirt displayed Kasper's toned chest and abdomen perfectly, and the pants. By God, how delectable the man's ass looked encased in tight leather, the supple material clinging like a second skin. Even the heavy black boots and the simple silver cuff-like bracelets seemed perfectly matched to Kasper. He flushed lightly when he realized how long he had been staring without giving a proper response to the greeting Kasper had muttered, along with something about the guy at the fetish shop who had helped him find something 'casual'. "You look amazing, Ka–Dr. Bromley." He tried to remember that they were at Metronyx in a professional manner, but it was so hard with the blond's body teasing him like that. Kasper crossed his arms and looked down the street, then back to Logan. "Thank you." Logan caught himself before he began to preen as Kasper took in his appearance. He knew how good he looked, the tight jeans and tank top chosen specifically to tempt the good doctor. Kasper wet his lips and managed a strangled, "You look nice, too." "Thanks," Logan smiled, running his fingers through his hair. "Just something simple. You have to be able to move around, y'know? Well, unless you're into restriction and formal gear. Most of the time it doesn't matter too much, since a lot of people shed a layer or two if they get going..." His babbling faded out, and he clenched his jaw a little, not wanting to appear as nervous as he was inside. He hadn't been to the clubs in months. Behind those doors was a sea of temptation, pleasure, and pain, and he wasn't sure what would happen once he stepped into that world again. At least Kasper was here. The man would keep him in check if he needed it, and there was comfort in that thought. His heart pounded as he swallowed and gestured to the double doors. "Shall we?" Kasper swallowed and nodded. "Yeah." Logan pushed on the doors and the loud bassline immediately rolled out into the small, deserted side street they entered from. They were stopped by a large—very large—man who demanded to know their names. Logan gave the necessary information and produced a card, giving Kasper a brief, reassuring smile. The man looked over his card, made a tick mark on his clipboard, and waved them through. Logan reached out, pushed open an interior door, and the music assailed his ears as they walked into the dark and neon, the scent of sex and heat surrounding them almost cloying. It was familiar, and all the nervous energy that swirled inside Logan was swept up in the pulsating ambiance. Looking at Kasper, he had to fight his amusement at the man's shock, and he reached over, placing a protective hand at the small of Kasper's back. "This part of the club is for light scenes and dancing," he explained, leaning close to Kasper in order to speak above the music. "Most

of the people here aren't too serious about BDSM, or they're experimenting. There's a bar over there if you're thirsty." He pointed to a section of the club where people were buying water, Gatorade, and energy drinks. "No alcohol," he added. "Blurs the line of consent otherwise. The lower level downstairs is VIP, for the heavy scenes and serious patrons." Kasper nodded, his eyes wide as they swept about the space. There were a lot of half-dressed people, most in fetish clothing, and there were some people scattered about the club in frozen poses. "What are those people doing?" Kasper asked, pointing to three people admiring one such posed person. "It's a part of their scene," Logan said with a smile, pleased by the way Kasper wasn't afraid to ask him questions. "They are submissives who are acting as pieces of art for the pleasure of their masters. It takes discipline and training, and it can be a type of humiliation that the bottoms enjoy." "Oh." They watched how the pretty woman was shifted into a more artful, but very uncomfortable-looking, position. "It's... beautiful," Kasper murmured. "Living art." "Living art," Logan repeated into Kasper's ear, his eyes on the same woman, who did everything in her power to stay in position, though there was a minute tremble that began in her limbs. "Their only thought is to please. They aren't allowed shame. They aren't allowed hesitancy. Only obedience, and their failure to perform to their utmost is punished." The woman they were watching began to break out of her form, and a swift flick of her Dom's wrist delivered a reprimanding strike from a riding crop. She snapped back into position, determination lighting her eyes, and Logan purred, catching himself just before he would have craned his neck to kiss Kasper's. Kasper moaned as he continued to gaze at the scene. "Punished," Kasper breathed. There was no way Logan could have missed Kasper's state, clothing and scent revealing everything about the man to him. He could easily see the outline of Kasper's hard cock through those tight leather pants. His voice was thick with his own arousal as he said, "Yeah, and that's only the beginning." His arm tightened around Kasper's waist, and he led them down a couple of stairs from the entrance into the throng of dancers, his body moving unconsciously to the beat. Kasper eagerly devoured everything visually offered. The questions came in rapid succession, much to Logan's amusement. This was his domain, his realm. He may not have a college education, but he sure as hell knew how to bring a man to his knees with a flick of his wrist. "How long have you been doing this? What made you do it in the first place? Who was your first? Have you ever submitted?" On and on Kasper went as they walked and talked, soaking in every aspect of the club and those who only dallied in the lifestyle. After such a long absence, it was comforting for Logan to talk his way through things, answering Kasper's questions and slowly becoming more comfortable in the crowd again. The people all around them danced, kissed, and groped one another freely. They skirted some of the tables and booths set up at the far end of the dance floor, where some were negotiating terms of their small sessions. Others, however, were far too busy for speech beyond moans and cries that were swallowed up by the music, and Logan did his best to explain some of the simple practices to Kasper when he saw more questions in the man's blue eyes. More than once, Logan caught the appreciative glances cast at both Kasper and himself. He couldn't blame most of the onlookers for staring; even without the more extreme fetish garb, Kasper looked hot. He was grateful, though, that most of those who looked did nothing more than that. He may not have been the tallest Dom in the room, but it was clear from his presence and bearing that he was experienced and wasn't about to share. While Kasper's non-stop conversation distracted him enough to keep him from the worst of his temptation for blood, he protected Kasper from over-eager amateurs who gravitated toward them. For most, all it took was a stern glance, but some were more insistent—and stupid—than the others. He

had given out many of his non-verbal warnings, but that didn't stop one burly, leather-vested Dom from sneaking up behind them when he wasn't looking. "Hey, pretty boy." A brusque voice sounded behind them just before a large hand delivered a firm pinch to Kasper's backside. "Why not ditch the runt and come play with a real man? They've got a St. Andrew's downstairs, and I could switch you on and shower you after a good, thick fuck." Kasper glowered at the man as his hand rubbed the sore ass cheek. "Excuse me?" Logan's eyes narrowed at the tall, muscular man, and his hand darted out, gripping without hesitation at the man's cock and balls. He immediately squeezed, twisting until a startled yelp resonated above the music. "This one's spoken for, buddy, so unless you want a dildo the size of a paint can up your ass..." He squeezed cruelly, the larger man's eyes widening at his audacity. "Back the fuck off." He smirked at the burly man, who only now seemed to recognize the clear dominance and experience in his eyes, backing down with a lumbering step away from them. Logan released the flesh in his hand. "Run along and find another playmate," he ordered firmly, only mildly surprised when the man blubbered a small apology to Kasper and him before turning and doing as commanded. Swallowing, a flush stained Kasper's cheeks. "What did he want to do with me?" Logan turned back to Kasper, draping his arm around Kasper's waist again as he smiled. "Sorry about that. He wanted to bind you to an X-like cross, cane you, and then piss on you after he fucked you up the ass. He must be pretty new since he showed absolutely no tact and misjudged me so easily. That, or he's just an asshole." Kasper shook his head. "Piss–what?" "When he said 'shower', he meant golden showers, 'water sports', as they're sometimes called. Some people like it as a form of degradation or humiliation," Logan explained. "That's just..." Logan nodded. "I'm not overly fond of it, or anything else that treats a person like a dirty toilet." He had nothing against those who were into the excretory kinks, but it was one thing that never happened in his own scenes. "I think I take most offense that he assumed any body part of his would be entering any body part of mine. I'm very particular about who touches me there." Smiling, Logan gained a certain satisfaction from hearing that. "As you should be." He paused, smirking at Kasper. "I can't say I completely blame him, though. You have a really nice ass, and the pants make it difficult to miss." His hand strayed to give Kasper's backside a playful squeeze. Kasper yelped and turned to glare at Logan, but the glare melted as their eyes met. "Thank you." "You're welcome," Logan answered, entranced for a moment before he snapped himself out of it and looked over the various groups in the room. He could get lost in those eyes. Eyes that were both vulnerable and just begging him to take a cane to the virgin ass encased in leather. He tried to focus on the few who were engaged in activities about the room, but most were onlookers who did little more than dance and grope beneath the neon lights. "Anything else I can help you understand?" Kasper closed his eyes and took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. When no answer seemed forthcoming, Logan nodded, his eyes returning to Kasper. "I think it's time to take you to the basement, the VIP section of the club." He felt the shiver that ran the length of Kasper's spine. "All right." "The music isn't quite as loud down there," Logan commented as he led Kasper to the entrance of the stairway and ramp leading down one level. Two men as large as the one at the front of the club watched over the entrance, and he showed them his card before escorting Kasper down the stairs. The music was a bit muffled as they made their way down, shouts and cries of pain and pleasure replacing the buzz of the crowd from the upper level of the club.

Again, Kasper took in the sight they were presented with as they walked into the main area. Bodies in various state of undress, lashed to walls, crosses, wheel-like monstrosities, or standing with a weapon or toy in hand. Logan watched Kasper's cheeks flare brightly as the pale blue eyes stared at a female sub over a table whipped by a Domme while another sub inserted an anal plug, and then fucked her with a dildo. Kasper looked away quickly, and Logan recognized the same mixed expression of embarrassment, discomfort, and arousal that was common for those new to this experience. Logan followed Kasper's gaze as it centered on a relatively small scene with a male shackled to the wall, his chest teased by two Doms. The sub moaned and writhed while two mouths sucked, bit, and pulled on his nipples. Logan put a hand on Kasper's arm and led him a few steps closer to the threesome, stopping at a respectful distance from the scene. The two Doms pinched and twisted at the sub's nipples until they were such a bright crimson that he knew they must be throbbing painfully, bruised from the treatment. One of the men finally took a step back, and Logan found himself panting lightly at the gleaming needle that was pulled from the small table holding their supplies. Kasper inhaled sharply, his eyes darting between Logan and the scene. "They aren't, are they?" he whispered. Logan's eyes were nearly black with arousal as he nodded. "They are," he breathed back, shifting on his feet in anticipation. The needle was brought to the sub's chest, and the bound man moaned, squirming against the wall. An order for stillness cut through the air with a painful slap to the sub's exposed cock, which sported a steel ring at its base, and the man cried out before stilling completely, his eyes on the needle that was brought once again to his chest. They were merciful, Logan noted, for one of the Doms drew the sub into a sweeping, passionate kiss while the nipple was pinched and the needle penetrated the flesh. The small trickle of blood down the man's chest made Logan's cock throb even more than it had for the last couple hours, and he groaned, his hand tightening to an almost painful grip on Kasper's hip. Kasper tore his eyes away from the scene and looked at Logan. "What are you feeling right now?" he murmured. Logan took a few deep breaths in an attempt to control the pounding of his heart. "Need... lust... desire," he replied, his voice slightly uneven. "For?" "Blood." Logan swallowed visibly, closing his eyes. "Theirs. Yours. Blood and sex." "Mine?" "I've tasted it before. Tasted blood and passion with you." Logan opened his eyes, turning them from the scene to Kasper. "Did you think I had forgotten?" "That was a mistake, Logan." Kasper moved away from the scene and toward a slightly darker, more secluded corner. Logan followed Kasper into the shadows, though there was still restraint in his manner. He at least made an attempt to keep himself in check, though he knew exactly what his mind and body screamed to have. "I shouldn't want you so much, shouldn't want you to repeat that mistake just so I can feel you writhe against me, your blood seeping past my lips." Closing his eyes, Kasper moaned, "Logan..." Drawn like a moth to a flame, Logan inched closer, his lips hovering near Kasper's. "Kasper," he whispered. "I'm sorry I lied." No longer able to keep his hands to himself, he moved Kasper to the wall and pinned the silver-cuffed wrists to the flat surface, kissing Kasper with all the passion he had repressed throughout the evening. Kasper gasped. Logan had trapped the sexy doctor, and he had no intention of releasing him just yet. Their tongues slid along one another, and Logan lost himself in the flavor of Kasper, in the

feel of their bodies pressed together. Groaning deep in his throat, Logan brought his body flush against Kasper's. He rubbed their constricted cocks against one another. A zing of pleasure rushed through him, and he kissed Kasper until he saw lights glimmer in his vision. He pulled back, panting, and immediately trailed kisses down to Kasper's throat. He could feel Kasper's pulse throb quickly against his lips, and even that sensation made Logan yearn to possess him. "Logan..." Kasper's head lolled to the side, body shifting against him. Following the lines of Kasper's artery, Logan nipped and sucked. He took his time before he strayed a bit closer to Kasper's shoulder, and he yanked the neckline of the mesh shirt out of his way, ripping it in his passion. Choosing a fleshy spot just above Kasper's collarbone, he latched on and sucked hard, creating a deep mark. He continued a rhythmic thrusting, each movement made in time with the muffled music that provided a background to the screams and moans that erupted from throughout the room. Kasper cried out, and his hands gripped at the wall. The longer he sucked at Kasper's flesh, the more Kasper writhed and moaned. The noises Kasper made grew in volume as pain was coupled with the insistent pressure of groin against groin. The sound of Kasper's cries echoed in Logan's ears and served only to inflame him further. His own moan vibrated through the flesh he set to biting, deepening the mark he could feel pulsing lightly against his lips and tongue. Blood... just under the surface of that frail layer of skin, pushing up to meet him. He didn't think of consequences, only of the demanding need to feel Kasper, to hear those cries as he tasted that copper tang and brought them both the pleasure their bodies begged to receive. Kasper's hands left the wall to grope at Logan's ass, pull them even closer together. "What you make me want!" Logan's fear of being intimate at the clubs again was offset by Kasper's presence, that singular presence that both calmed his fears and tempted his darkest needs. The enthusiasm of his partner drove him mad as his hands traveled from Kasper's torn shirt to the man's body. He could feel the toned musculature that shifted against him with every breath, moving just beneath that thin, sheer layer of fabric. Groping and kneading, he made his way closer and closer to the bulge in the taut, black leather. He easily coaxed Kasper's submission. It was heady as wine. Logan bit and sucked, his hands claiming, his cock unrelenting as he worked Kasper into a lustful frenzy. Even with the leather stretched over Kasper's erection, Logan managed to undo the button and zipper of Kasper's pants without breaking away from his shoulder. The mark was wearing thin, the blood almost breaking free under his mouth. Without hesitation, he pulled Kasper's cock free of the leather and stroked it a few times, spreading the fluids from tip to base with a moan. Kasper was hot and hard against his palm, and he relished the simple sensation of stroking him. He paused only to unclasp his belt buckle and remove his own sex from his low-riding jeans. He wouldn't be left behind, not now. It was too perfect. The club, the smells, the sounds, the feel of Kasper, it was just what he'd been craving for months. Logan wrapped his fingers around both their cocks and continued to thrust until the skin beneath his grinding teeth finally gave way. The taste of blood caused his rhythm to falter for those first blissfully intimate moments. Kasper's head slammed back to crack against the wall as his hands clawed at Logan's ass. "Logan!" The small nicks in Kasper's shoulder seeped slowly, and Logan broke away for one moment to gasp in a few breaths. "Fuck yeah. Grip my ass, Kasper. Help me thrust like I'm fucking you raw." With another moan, he returned to the bleeding bruise, sucking greedily at the cuts. Kasper's blood was metallic fire on his tongue, and he didn't think he could stop this now that it had started. There was no

turning back in Logan's mind. This was the path their feet were on, and he had no intention of letting something this good slip through his fingers. "Yes!" Kasper panted, leaning in to draw his tongue up Logan's ear. Logan's whole body was caught in a shudder as his ear was licked, the sensation one of the most erotic he had ever experienced. Kasper whispered hotly as his hands set the ordered pace, "My ass full of lube, and you slamming into me like this." Logan grunted as he pushed against Kasper, his imagination running wild, turning his gripping fist and the slide of Kasper's prick against his own into the heat and pressure of Kasper's body. Kasper had said he was particular, and that knowledge fueled the flames within him. Kasper wanted him inside, wanted to feel his cock pounding in again and again. It had to mean something, didn't it? It had to mean he mattered. He felt his climax approaching, helped along by that voice, those hot breaths panted against his sensitive ear. Kasper moaned loudly into his ear, "Yes, like that... just like that. You feel so thick in me. Slick, thick, perfect!" With a choked cry, Kasper buried his face against Logan's shoulder and shuddered, his come coating Logan's hand as his orgasm tore through him. Coupled with the sensation of Kasper's fluids flowing slickly over his hand, those words forced Logan to lose control, and he came hard. He pulled back from Kasper's shoulder as he shouted his pleasure, his lips wet with spit and blood. He thought coming would ease the burn inside him, but it didn't. All it did was make him want to take Kasper home and fuck him until dawn. It wasn't enough, barely easing the hunger that nagged at his self-control. Kasper sagged against the wall, panting and twitching. His eyes closed, and another sigh left his lips. Logan's body throbbed with the pounding of his heart, and he steadied himself against Kasper, leaning forward to lick at his mark and press breathless kisses along shoulder and neck. His hand, slick with their mingled fluids, finally let go of their cocks. Slowly, he brought the wet fingers to Kasper's mouth. When Kasper looked up, Logan knew the silent demand in his eyes was clear to be seen. Kasper stared at his hand for a heartbeat, and then those eyes darted back to his. That look on Kasper's face, a mixture of desire and shocked innocence, made Logan smirk. "You made a mess. Now clean it up," he ordered, his voice deep and resonant with a nearly tangible power. A vibrant flush colored Kasper's cheeks, and Logan watched the slender throat work to swallow the objection he could read in Kasper's expression. Logan eagerly watched Kasper, waiting to see if the command would be followed. Kasper slowly leaned forward, that sweet, pink tongue snaking out to hesitantly lick at a finger. "No, Kasper," Logan snapped sharply. That half-assed attempt wouldn't fly. With his clean hand, he reached up and gripped Kasper's jaw between his thumb and fingers, exerting force until Kasper opened up fully. Lips and teeth parted, he unceremoniously shoved two fingers inside Kasper's mouth. "I said, clean it up." Kasper's eyes widened, the bluish-gray hue swimming for a moment. Logan knew exactly why. The same reason Kasper's cheeks flamed that beautiful crimson. Humiliation, he decided, was definitely something Kasper would enjoy. A handful of seconds passed with them in that brief, tense moment, Kasper's flesh under his uncompromising fingers. Then, much to Logan's delight, Kasper sealed his lips around the fingers and closed his eyes. While Kasper might not know what that simple choice, that submission, truly meant, Logan did, and it made his spent cock twitch. The tension in Logan's body eased. He loosened the pressure of his hand on Kasper's jaw, pleased when Kasper didn't stop sucking at his fingers. Kasper had closed his eyes because his lover wanted to hide, to keep that shame to himself. It was something Logan had himself experienced early on his education under a demanding Dom. Logan, just like his first Dom, would have none of it. Facing the situation was part of the whole experience. "Good," he purred. "Now, look at me as you finish cleaning it up."

Sable lashes fluttered and then hesitantly opened. Kasper's blush lingered just as Logan had known it would. One finger after the other was licked and sucked, until Kasper was licking at the slick palm, his eyes never wavering as his orders were carried out. "Mmm," Logan murmured, his flesh sparking at the thrill of dominance. It was like taking a drink after being sober for a decade. This one act was so much more potent than when he was scening every weekend. "I like seeing you like this, open and vulnerable, flushed and obedient." Kasper drew his tongue from Logan's wrist up to the tip of his middle finger, and that embarrassed flush began to fade under the praise. The gleam in Kasper's eyes told Logan everything he needed to know. Ah, yes, there was the moment. That moment. The moment when the pleasure, pain, humiliation, and praise all made sense. It was when the submissive discovered the pleasure of giving, of bending, of remaking themselves for their Dom's pleasure. Logan's heart pounded to see the discovery play over Kasper's expression, there for all to see and for him to treasure. He cleared his throat. "All clean," he murmured, and then nodded his approval after inspecting his hand. "Good." Logan leaned in and drew Kasper into a deep, possessive kiss. Depending on his partner, Logan had found that kissing could range from being a hindrance to being intensely personal. Even with all his experience, he doubted he had ever felt such a connection to another like he did now with Kasper. Something about Kasper made him want to dive deeper, to possess and give of himself, and he found it addictive. He lingered in the kiss, drawing it to a slow close. His fingers circled around the deep, purple bruise at Kasper's shoulder as he straightened. "Welcome to the clubs, Kasper." There was a hint of fear in Kasper's eyes, a small wince at the touch to his shoulder. "Thank you for inviting me." "What do you think of it?" Logan asked. Kasper reached down and fixed his pants. "It frightens me. Makes me careless." "I was scared shitless the first few times I went to places like these," Logan admitted. "Hell, I was nervous tonight about returning, but with you here..." It hadn't been as bad as he had anticipated. Kasper had distracted him, talked to him when he needed talking to. The second taste of the man's submission still lingered as well. He simply couldn't get enough. Kasper stared down at him and whispered, "This is dangerous." His eyes darted back and forth between Kasper's. "Danger can be a powerful aphrodisiac." "I am supposed to be helping you." "You are helping me," Logan insisted. Kasper's eyes narrowed. "No, I am fucking you." He shook his head. "It's late. I should have been asleep hours ago." Sighing, Logan righted his appearance. He was smart enough to know when an evening was over. "I'll walk you out." Wrapping his arm around Kasper's waist in an almost protective manner, he escorted the man up the stairs and through the crowd, ignoring a couple of appreciative glances that were thrown at them while they made their way to the front of the club. Once in the cool air outside, Kasper inhaled deeply and turned to face him. "I'm sorry. I should recommend a new therapist for you. When we see one another, things happen... things I don't intend but can't seem to help." A small shiver ran through Logan, the night air a sharp contrast to the heat of the club as it cooled the lingering sheen of sweat on his skin. Crossing his arms, he locked eyes with Kasper. "I don't want a new therapist." "Don't be unreasonable," Kasper murmured.

"I wouldn't trust them, they'd probably tell me exactly what you have, and I can't afford it, even with my new job," Logan pointed out, speaking plainly. It seemed reasonable to him. They seemed to have a relationship that worked both in and out of the office, after all. Kasper pulled away from Logan, trying to hide the hurt he'd already seen in the pale gaze. "I see. I'm a free complete service stop for you. Relieve your emotional burdens as well as the physical, and without a single dime spent." Kasper laughed, the sound bitter as he reached into his pocket and pulled out his keys. "Then I look forward to our next appointment, Logan. Remember, if you have need of me, you've got my card. Goodnight." Logan's brow furrowed deeply. What the fuck just happened? "Kasper..." Abruptly, Kasper spun on his heel and stalked away, up the street in the direction of the parking deck. Logan watched Kasper's retreating form for a few moments, and then sighed, running his hands through his hair. Turning, he headed in the opposite direction, toward the bus stop. Something told him the upcoming few days were going to be hell before his next appointment with Kasper.

Kasper couldn't look at himself in the mirror. He tossed the clothes he'd worn to the club into the hamper—though how one cleaned come stains from leather, he certainly didn't know—and turned on the shower. Steam filled the room as he glared at the tiles, feeling dirty and whorish. He shook his head as he chastised himself. What the hell was he even doing? Dressed like that, fucking in a club, fucking his patient in a public place! It didn't matter that Logan said he wasn't his patient; as far as Kasper was concerned, he was. As he stepped into the hot stream of water, Kasper came to the conclusion he'd lost his mind, and he didn't even know why. What was he risking his whole life for? The thrill? If it was the thrill, then why was it just with Logan? He shook his head again. "Stupid son of a bitch," he snapped and grabbed the shampoo. "Stupid, stupid son of a bitch." Anyone could have seen them. Not that he thought any of his colleagues would frequent such a place, but then again, they'd say the same of him. Kasper scrubbed at his hair, removing any trace of Logan's scent from him, little good it did. It didn't matter if he didn't smell like the infuriating man. He could still taste him. Taste, feel, hear Logan. God, his cock even twitched, threatening to harden at his thoughts. Head under the water, he tried to let the rushing sound drown out everything else, but it seemed to only amplify his desires. Logan made him want to kneel and beg to have a switch taken to his ass, anything just so he could be the focus of that dominance. He'd been given just a taste of it tonight, a hint of what Logan offered him if he'd just take it. What would it be like? How intense? How intoxicatingly perfect would it be to submit to him? Kasper groaned and leaned back against the cool tiles of his shower. It was an inescapable situation. He wanted Logan, and Logan wanted him. He wanted to be that perfect lover for Logan, the one who would always understand, and when he couldn't understand, he could at least try. His hand slid up to his neck, and he winced as his fingers moved over the raw, broken skin of Logan's bite. The pain didn't scare him. The blood didn't scare him. The pleasure didn't scare him. But something did. What that something was, Kasper couldn't quite put his finger on, but it left him hard, his heart racing, and his mind a whirling mess. Could he do this? Could he plunge headlong through whatever door Logan was holding open? Kasper shut off the shower and listened to the quiet, lonely drip of the water, the stillness of his home, and it was soundtrack to his life. Silence. Schedules. Proper behavior at all times. Logan was none of that, and he was a temptation Kasper just didn't think he could resist much longer.

He laughed as he dried off and headed into the bedroom. Resist? If this was resisting, then he didn't know what waited for him when he finally, truly gave in.

Chapter Seven The cushion of the loveseat had never felt so uncomfortable, and Logan shifted in his seat for what must have been the seventh time since his appointment with Kasper had started. Mechanical. That was the only word he could think of to describe what the droning words they exchanged had been like for the last forty minutes. Make that forty-one, Logan thought dryly to himself, his eyes darting over to the clock again. Friday had come slowly, and he couldn't stand the goddamn tension! It was this subtle game of cat and mouse that left him feeling like he was crouched, waiting at the proverbial mouse hole for a rodent that simply refused to appear. Except, here and now, the mouse hole was Kasper's desk, a solid, wooden monstrosity that kept him at a respectable distance so Kasper could pretend that they were back to being doctor and patient. And that tone. That disconnected, flat, unfeeling tone Kasper had adopted was driving him mad. It was unnatural, hearing Kasper go through the motions without care, and after nearly a full appointment, it was getting old. Yes, he was still thinking about blood all the time. Yes, he still masturbated when he would cut himself and drink from his fingers, wrist, or thigh just above the knee. Yes, his fantasies were still out of control, and no, he didn't feel safe jumping back into the club scenes on his own. He'd had enough. The insecurity he had felt at the beginning of their appointment had faded into his frustration, and he wasn't going to sit quietly as Kasper continued spouting medical jargon to take up the remaining minutes of their time. When Kasper looked down to make a note in his pad, Logan took his opportunity. "So, Dr. Bromley," he said, keeping his voice light, conversational-like. "Did you shove your fingers up your ass and think of me while you masturbated these last few days?" Kasper's head snapped up, his eyes wide and cheeks flushed. Logan smiled to himself. One way or another, he was determined to force more out into the open than Kasper wanted. He stared impassively at Kasper until the doctor dropped his gaze. Logan allowed the uncomfortable silence to linger another few moments before prompting, "Well?" "You make assumptions about my masturbatory practices." "Then why don't you set the record straight?" Logan challenged. "I've had no reason to engage in self pleasure, Logan," Kasper said as he sat back in his desk chair, his face now a mask of disinterest. "Oh, really?" Logan asked skeptically. Kasper's mouth worked, but no words came out. Logan nodded, his lips twitching into a knowing, triumphant smile. "I guess the club left an impression, then... or at least my deep bruise on your shoulder." "You ruined my new shirt." "It was in my way."

"It wasn't yours to destroy." "I certainly didn't hear you complaining." "No, I suppose I didn't." Kasper picked up his pen once more. "How is work, Logan?" Logan sighed. "Busy, and I've been distracted." "Oh?" "Let's just say if you haven't been masturbating, then I've been doing it enough for the both of us." Kasper clenched his teeth. "The usual, then?" "Except now I know what you look and feel like encased in leather," Logan said with a sweet smile, unable to help himself. Kasper looked away, but not before Logan could see a flash of shame in his eyes. "So, what do you propose we do?" Logan asked after a few moments, sighing as he shifted in his seat yet again. "I don't know," Kasper mumbled. Logan ran his hand through his hair before crossing his arms at his chest. "What do you want, Kasper?" It was important. If Kasper didn't want him—which he didn't think was the case—then all of this was window dressing for getting dumped. He knew better than to bark up the wrong tree. But, if Kasper did want him, well, then, he was going to fight tooth and nail to keep what he'd already been given. "This isn't about me. It's about you. My patient and my patient's needs." "I need you to stop with the whole professionalism act!" It was trying Logan's patience, which he was holding on to by a fraying thread. "Ignoring my desire for you and your desire for me isn't getting either of us anywhere." "And acknowledging it doesn't either!" "Then we might as well be honest about it!" "Fine. We like fucking. We're pretty good at it together." The smallest of smiles twitched at Logan's lips. "We are pretty good at it together.". "Then again, I'm sure you're pretty good at it with anyone." Logan tilted his head, accepting the compliment with a smile. "Thanks, but I wouldn't go that far. I'm good at what I do, but that doesn't mean that I'm compatible with everyone. I've had some major train wrecks, both in scene and out of scene." He didn't pretend to be perfect. It wasn't like he'd had a sex life without blunders. Kasper shrugged. "Of course. Nothing is perfect." "You did really well at the club, though." Despite it having been tame compared to full scenes, Logan couldn't have imagined Kasper's first night in the VIP lounge of Metronyx going better than it had. "I didn't do much." "But what you did do..." Logan's voice faded into an appreciative pause. Kasper raised an eyebrow. "I let you jack me off. How admirable and selfless of me." "You submitted," Logan corrected. "You made my wishes your own and even took orders with a bit of prompting. The thing that gets me, though, is that you were passionate and natural about it." Some people he had dominated made everything feel forced. It had been a true pleasure with Kasper, even though they hadn't done anything extreme. Licking his lips, Kasper admitted, "It was natural for me." "And that's not something everyone can claim," Logan nodded with a smile. "It's something you like about me." "It is," Logan conceded. Kasper nodded, his eyes cast down to the neat piles of paperwork on his desk.

Logan tried to read Kasper's expression, as he had tried every moment they were together since their night at the club. "Are you ashamed of it? That it was natural for you?" "Is it common for submissives to feel shame when they do well?" Logan's brow furrowed as he thought. "For a submissive, shame usually comes more when they feel that they've failed, not succeeded. But for a person just entering something new that is considered outside the norm, I think there's sometimes a period where they don't quite accept themselves." "Is that so?" "That's how it was for me," Logan offered. "When I got such bad reactions from people who found out about my strange desire for blood, I went through a time where I just tried to ignore it and make it go away." He stopped himself from going on a long tangent and looked at Kasper. "You didn't answer my question." Kasper blinked. "What question?" They were back to that game again, and it annoyed Logan straight away. "You know perfectly well, Kasper." "Are you still taking your medication? Sleeping well?" "Dammit! Just answer the fucking question!" Kasper pressed his lips together tightly, and he stared at Logan before grinding out, "No. I won't." Logan let out an exasperated exhale. "Why the hell not?" Eyes dark and dangerous, Kasper snapped, "Because I don't have to." It was a statement Logan couldn't easily debate. "Fine. Maybe not to me, but if you're ashamed of yourself, then it's definitely something to think about." He had been trying to show some concern. He knew it wasn't exactly easy to jump into things that were so unfamiliar. It would be like suddenly being thrown into an advanced class on biochemistry for him. Things just wouldn't be pretty. "I'm quite convenient for you, aren't I?" Kasper stood up from his chair, rounding the desk and leaning against the front of the large piece. "Why should I feel shame? I do as you tell me to, come when ordered, and I treat your mental problems, all for free." He held his hands up. "I have loads to be proud of in myself at this moment." "I don't come back to you twice a week because it's convenient or free. I keep coming back because I trust you. Because you understand." Logan ran his hands through his hair again, fighting to stay in his seat instead of pacing in his agitation. "I was willing to pay for the appointments, to do what was necessary to get the money, and I'm grateful for what you've done." Kasper shook his head and crossed his arms. "What do you want to talk about today, Logan?" Taking a few centering breaths, Logan spoke quietly. "You. I can't stop thinking about you. I have all these desires, and they just sort of build up until I find myself in the bathroom again at my office, the door locked and the faucet on." "The faucet on?" "To drown out any noise I make." "Oh," Kasper murmured as he licked his lips. "And the fantasies... They're distracting. Every time I end up thinking about you in a sexual way, they just refuse to leave me alone. I picture you bound, squirming beneath my blows, or deprived of your senses except for my touches. So many different ones, and though I might get caught up in something at work or at home, the moment I'm able to think again, my thoughts cycle back to you and it starts all over again." Kasper's cheeks blazed with color. "When such thoughts occur, you should seek some other distraction. The more you think about it, the more you'll want to think about it."

"But the more I try not to think about it, the more I end up thinking about it." Logan couldn't help but chuckle at the vicious cycle. "It's like blood." "Take up knitting, then, or basket weaving." Logan blinked. "Basket weaving?" Was Kasper actually serious? Oh, God, he was. "You really think getting a hobby will help?" Kasper nodded. "I exercise." "Exercise?" "For hours," Kasper admitted. "Until I drop from exhaustion." Logan supposed that was as close to an affirmation as he was going to get, and Kasper's pastime made him think. "Maybe I could start swimming again." Being inactive in the BDSM community, the only exercise he had been getting was all the walking he did. That, and building up the muscles of his dominant hand by jacking off all the time. Swimming had been a pleasant escape for him way back in junior high and high school. Perhaps it was time to revive the habit. "Swimming is an excellent hobby." "Basket weaving isn't really my style," Logan teased. A smile twitched at Kasper's lips. "I didn't really think so." Logan let out a long breath. Even the hint of a smile from Kasper was calming after the last few days. "I'll give it a try. The exercise will be good for me." After all, if exercise was what made Kasper's abs so toned and his ass so– He stopped himself, shaking his head to try and clear it. His gaze happened to fall to the clock, and he stood, knowing his hour was up. Part of him wanted to stay, but the other part insisted he give Kasper space, give himself space so he wouldn't give into temptation and do something he'd regret. "See you in a few days?" Kasper gazed at the floor and nodded, trying to keep his distance. Logan's exit was a bit more awkward than usual, but he at least knew his destination and had a goal he could concentrate on. He clung to that as he murmured a few words of parting and left Kasper's office, trying his best not to concentrate on how the man's business clothes were so different from the club gear he had worn just days ago.

Chapter Eight "Do you ever think about our night at the club?" Logan asked. The conversation had died into an uncomfortable silence after Logan had shared that he swam several times throughout the weekend. The question, though, was one Kasper had been expecting. He'd found it strange Logan hadn't mentioned their time at the club in the last two appointments, but had accepted the respite for what it was. It didn't mean Kasper was prepared to revisit the topic of their intimacy now, though. His jaw clenched, and he debated side-stepping the question. That dull look of exhaustion in Logan's eyes, though, compelled him to be truthful, no matter how inappropriate it was. "It borders on obsession," he admitted tightly. "So you have fantasies about it?" Logan prompted softly. "Like I do?" A blush stained Kasper's cheeks. "I would have to be made of marble not to." The smile that curved Logan's lips was one of subdued amusement. It had been a long time since Kasper had been this open and honest, and Logan was clearly enjoying it. "You did see some things that I'm sure were new and intriguing, different if not enjoyable." Kasper shifted in his chair. "Yes. I think of what bonds around my wrists and ankles would feel like. What would a cane be like across my flesh?" His eyes darted nervously up to Logan. "You piercing my nipples for the duration of a—what did you call it? A scene?" Logan's breath caught in his throat, and Kasper knew he'd said something unexpected. "You think about being in scenes with me?" It was shame that now tinted Kasper's cheeks. "Yes." "You feel ashamed or embarrassed about it. Why?" "My thoughts are illogical, and I don't really wish to risk hurting your feelings. I am slowly sorting through them on my own. Usually while walking twenty miles on my treadmill at a number six incline," Kasper said, running his hand through his hair. "You think your thoughts or desires will hurt my feelings?" Kasper sighed. "I think it's deviancy. That there is something wrong in my head that the humiliation I felt when you ordered me to lick the come off your fingers thrilled something inside me, and that I did it, and did it hoping you would praise me. I had sex in a club! Saying obscene things–" He shook his head. "It's perverse and twisted and makes me wonder if I am sick in some way." "I'm not offended," Logan assured Kasper, nodding his head in understanding. "It's normal to feel that sort of conflict, Kasper. Most people in the BDSM community have to come to terms with what they feel and rethink the boundaries of acceptable and unacceptable, especially if they're from more conservative backgrounds." Kasper sneered at Logan. "You mean the rich kids from the nice, Republican homes?" Logan raised an eyebrow at that. "Not at all. I mean anyone who grows up being told that what

they end up desiring is wrong. My mom never really discussed sex much with me at all, so I wasn't put in a place where the only acceptable way of having sex was a certain position or two with a certain type of person during a certain time in my life. It's the same type of feeling a lot of people get when they realize they're gay. If they grow up thinking that's outside the norm, then they're probably going to feel guilt or shame for being different." "Why are we even discussing this?" Kasper asked, looking away from Logan. How had he been drawn back into the same discussion he always tried to avoid? "Because you're feeling shame about something that's not necessarily shameful. Society sets a lot of rules down for things like sexuality, where the possibilities of desires are as endless as the imagination." Kasper shook his head, annoyed at the psychobabble Logan had tossed his way. "You know, I spent a number of years in school, and we covered abnormal sexual deviancy. I know the expanse of the human mind quite well." "You know the expanse of the human mind according to the minds of others," Logan said. "What does your mind tell you? If you disregard all the opinions of professionals, what does your mind tell you?" It took Kasper a moment. He knew the answer. It was there on the tip of his tongue. Another second to gather his courage, and he murmured, "That I want you and everything you can show me." "Then who are they to place you in a box and tell you to be content only with what's inside it? Boxes can't contain something that's limitless." Kasper ducked his head. Logan was right. Dreadfully, wonderfully right, even though that knowledge scared the shit out of him. Logan stood from his seat and crossed to Kasper. He tilted up Kasper's chin so their gazes met. "What you're feeling is not uncommon. What you desire," he paused. "It's not as unusual as you might think." "But I desire you and I shouldn't!" Kasper hissed. "If you had met me outside near the bus stop instead of in this office and desired me, would it have been wrong?" "That's irrelevant." Logan shook his head. "It's not me you've been taught never to get involved with. It's the broad guideline of 'patients' that you've been taught to avoid. Rules have exceptions. What needs to be decided is–" He swallowed, brushing his thumb across Kasper's jawline. "Am I one of those exceptions?" Kasper shivered, his eyes fluttering as his heart began to pound just from that touch. "Those guidelines are there for a reason. You said it yourself: you trust me. That trust was built on the fact that I was a professional, a doctor who could help you, and I took advantage. This rule, Logan, shouldn't have exceptions." But he had made one. That first day when Logan had kissed him and he'd shoved his hand in his patient's jeans, he'd made an exception. "The trust was built, and it hasn't been betrayed," Logan said as he leaned in closer, lowering his voice to a mere whisper. "I want you, and I want to show you everything I know. I've trusted you inside the boundaries of the box. Will you trust me outside those walls?" Kasper shuddered, a small gasp catching in his throat as he barely nodded. Logan's proximity was like a blaze near his flesh, and he wanted to grab hold of that fire and make it his own. Logan closed the distance between them, bringing their lips together in a kiss that started out completely superficial and slowly deepened, as if, through the connection, that trust could slowly take root. Kasper moaned, his hands gripping the edge of his desk with almost painful pressure as he opened to Logan, offered whatever the man demanded of him.

Logan released his own low moan as he deepened the kiss further, possessing Kasper's mouth in a way that exuded pent up passion. For all that passion, however, he kept a slowness about the movements that made them all the more intimate. A whimper left Kasper's lips. He knew he couldn't turn away from this, not anymore. He needed whatever knowledge Logan held, and he would follow the man without pause. Deepening the kiss further, he slid his tongue eagerly against Logan's, delving deep just to get another taste. Logan kissed Kasper until they were both breathless, and even then, he only pulled back for a couple breaths before continuing. His hands rested at Kasper's neck and hip, and he stepped closer until their bodies came into full contact. Kasper moaned loudly, but he still couldn't bring himself to release the edge of the desk no matter how much he wanted to draw Logan even closer. What shocked him most was how badly he wanted to rub his body against Logan's and beg the man to humiliate him somehow. The grip of Logan's hand at Kasper's hip tightened, and he unconsciously moved his hips in a slow rhythm that matched the pace of his kiss. He pulled away after a few minutes, and Logan stepped back and surveyed Kasper's aroused state. A smirk slowly spread across Logan's face as he took in the tight clasp of the Kasper's hands along the edge of the desk. "Stand up straight for me." There was a moment of uncertain hesitancy before Kasper complied, his hands reluctantly releasing their death-grip on the desk as he straightened. He set his feet slightly apart, trying to relieve the pressure his thighs placed on his tender balls. He'd spent too long either aroused or coming at his own hand. They hurt as much as they ached for more. Logan rewarded him for doing as instructed with another deep kiss, short-lived though it was. When he pulled back again, he took several steps back from Kasper, sitting down with a smirk on his face. "Good. Now, strip for me. Slowly." Kasper blinked, coming out of his daze from the kiss. "What?" "I want to watch you take your clothes off. Strip." Kasper thought to ask why, but the sharpness in Logan's eyes deterred him. He loosened his tie, lifting it over his head and tossing it to his desk, and then shrugged off his jacket and kicked off his loafers. It took him only a minute to pull off his socks, carefully tucking them into his loafers, and then his fingers settled on the first button of his shirt. "Slower," Logan commanded. Kasper had never actually stripped for someone, and his cheeks grew hot as his fingers moved slowly. He chose a spot on the floor to focus on as he released the first button of his shirt. And then the second. The full weight of Logan's eyes was turned onto him, focused acutely, and even still partially dressed, Kasper felt utterly exposed. "Good," Logan purred, the compliment almost a small moan. "Keep going like that." Eyes on the floor, Kasper felt more than saw the way Logan's eyes devoured every inch of naked flesh as it was revealed. Everything was on display down to the finest detail, from the way Kasper's flush dissipated slowly from the skin below his jaw to the placement of freckles on his chest; from the slight stubble on his chin to the lines and creases of the hands that kept freeing the buttons of the crisp shirt. The tick of his desk clock seemed deafening to Kasper's ears as he continued. It took him almost two minutes to unbutton his shirt, slip it from his shoulders, and lay it on his desk. His nipples drew up tight as he grasped the hem of his undershirt and dragged it up his torso. He counted to five before raising it higher, trying to fulfill Logan's command as completely as possible, his whole body tensing as he slowly undressed. He didn't know why he wanted to do these things. He didn't understand it. Kasper knew he should. This was what he did. He took apart the human mind and put it back together, but his own mind was a mystery to him.

"Mmm. That's perfect," Logan breathed. Kasper looked up long enough to see Logan absently rubbing his hand over his groin as he simply sat and watched. He had the surreal sense that he was some living porno for Logan's pleasure. He pulled the shirt over his head and allowed it to fall to the floor. He decided that he would take some modicum of pleasure for himself, and he ran his hands down his chest, over his stomach, and then across his belt. Slowly, so slowly, he unbuckled it and pulled it from the loops of his trousers. Logan's eyes were intent on him, and he licked his lips, lust shining in his eyes. "Yeah, make it good for me," he urged. The flush on Kasper's face deepened, and he closed his eyes as he tossed the belt aside. It was strange, touching himself solely for another's pleasure. Part of him wanted to stop, to get dressed and toss Logan out of his office. Another part, much louder and stronger, wanted to beg and crawl and scream for Logan. That part was in control now, rubbing the flat of his palm over the fly of his trousers. He kept his silence, and after flicking open the button, the slide of the zipper was drowned out by the pounding of his heart. It was a monumental thing, stripping for Logan, allowing the man to see him fully nude for the first time. Added to that, he was doing this in his office, where he saw his patients. It was both thrilling and sickening to him, but not sickening enough for him to stop. He pushed the fabric down over his toned thighs, down firmly muscled calves, and then bent over to pull the legs free of his feet. He folded the trousers and placed them on his desk, hovering still for a moment in just his boxers, his erection partially visible through the open slit of the fabric. Logan licked his lips and moaned softly as he looked Kasper over, lust and approval swirling in his dark eyes. "Fuck, that's sexy," he whispered, though the words were as distinct in the silence between them as if he had shouted them instead. Kasper swallowed. He knew he had a nice body. He took care of himself. Ate well, exercised, took his vitamins, spent time in the sun. But the tone of those words... he'd never truly heard a phrase uttered that made his heart pound traitorously or made his cock ache like right now. His thumbs hooked over the elastic waist and he pulled, the band catching on the damp head of his sex, forcing it to jut out. There was a tense moment when it bent down a little, and then the fabric gave and his cock slapped back up against his pelvis as the fabric fluttered to the floor. Nothing moved in that single, tense moment, and the fall of the fabric accompanied by the rebound of Kasper's now-exposed sex caused all the air in Logan's lungs to leave him in a great rushing exhale. Kasper watched as Logan brought both his hands to his own jeans and slowly slid the zipper down. Within moments, Logan withdrew his cock, a loud moan passing his lips as his hand wrapped the shaft and stroked lazily. "Turn around," he ordered. Feeling like a piece of meat being ogled, Kasper licked his lips and closed his eyes. Slowly, he turned, his back and buttocks presented to Logan, his spine straight and proud as he tried to keep breathing. In and out, he told himself, just in and out. Logan hummed his appreciation. "Christ, you have such a perfect ass. Bend over and let me see it better," he instructed, his voice positively dripping with lust. Instantly, Kasper obeyed. His cock throbbed, and he moaned as he spread his legs just beyond shoulder width. He gradually bent over at the waist, his hands gripping his ankles, and his flushed, upside-down face was visible from between his legs. Logan moaned loudly. "Impressive." Kasper prided himself on his flexibility, and the compliment made his chest ache momentarily with pleasure. "So enthusiastic, your asshole displayed to me. You're so particular about it, and yet your body begs me to shove my cock deep inside. Such a pretty slut."

Kasper's breath hitched as he shuddered, his hands tightening around his ankles as he tried to withhold the whimper. He was vulnerable to Logan, exposed, on display, utterly naked. Not just physically, but emotionally. Blood pounded in his cheeks as his opening quivered and clenched at the mere thought of Logan sinking into him. Logan made Kasper stay in the inverted position for a few more seconds, still working his cock as he spoke. "Yes, you want me to pound into that ass until I leave you raw and gaping. You want me to show you the sweet torture of denied release by gripping you and forcing you back from the edge over and over until tears stream down your face and you fucking beg me to have mercy on you." He quickly backed off, slowing and lightening his hand, and Kasper bit his lip when he realized it was because Logan had almost come. Pride swelled in him again. He hadn't even touched Logan! A moment later, Logan's harsh voice returned. "On your hands and knees." Gracefully, Kasper moved from the position, situating himself on his hands and knees facing Logan. Another moan lilted up from his throat as his cock bobbed, needy and wet between his legs. He wanted to reach down, stroke himself, bring the pleasure his body already craved, but a voice in his head told him not to, Logan wouldn't approve. Logan's control of him was complete, and it frightened him how easily he handed the reins over to the man, trusting him, believing him. He bowed his head, awaiting Logan's pleasure, his own unimportant to him. "Crawl to me. I want you to feel your cock and balls sway as you approach, knowing you can't touch them without my permission." Kasper's head snapped up. "Crawl to you?" he barely choked out. "I dislike repeating myself." Logan narrowed his eyes slightly in displeasure. "You have the joints and muscles necessary. Use them." Even Kasper's ears burned, and he hid his face while slowly crawling forward, his back arched elegantly as tears stung his eyes. But as humiliating as it was crawling to Logan, Kasper's cock and balls swaying in a way that made him moan, he couldn't deny it was impossibly arousing. Each step had him questioning, again, what the hell he was doing. Why was he letting someone do this to him? Why did it feel like coming home to do this? Thirty-seven years of life, and he was only now learning what it was to feel and want and need. Half his life spent in the normal, beige world he'd been born into, and he couldn't help but think those years had been wasted. Logan ceased stroking himself as Kasper stopped just in front of him. He reached out to brush his fingers along the lines of Kasper's cheek and jaw. It was an affectionate touch, smoothing out the creases in Kasper's brow. That touch, that oddly sweet touch, was all it took for Kasper's throat to tighten with tears. He didn't know where they came from, why they stung his eyes, but they were there. Emotion coursed through him, everything too much while not being nearly enough. "Very good," Logan whispered. "You move so elegantly, so smoothly. It makes me so fucking hot, watching you." Kasper nuzzled into the touch, and he pressed a reverent kiss to the palm of Logan's hand. The praise made his nipples tight, his cock twitch, another bead of fluid dripping from the eager tip. He felt beautiful, and he could still feel that heaviness of Logan's gaze on his body. "Such respect, such wanton surrender. You want to please me. You want to serve the one who commands you, just like a good little slut." He tilted Kasper's chin up, and when he didn't meet his gaze, Logan ordered, "Look at me." Kasper lifted his moist eyes, the humiliation even more acute as he stared up at Logan. He was unsure, uncertain, and he discovered that he found all that uncertainty unbelievably arousing. It was more than all the fantasies, more than the daydreams, more. He wanted more. He wanted everything, and as Kasper stared into Logan's eyes, he knew Logan could—and would—give it to him.

The glint in Logan's smiling eyes and his commanding air didn't dissipate as he issued his next order. "I want you to suck my cock." He stroked the stiff flesh in front of Kasper, positioning himself so he would have easier access. "I want you to suck me off and swallow every drop when I come." Kasper's blue eyes darted to Logan's cock, watching the way his hand pulled on the shaft and a pearl of fluid gathered on the head. Logan angled his sex toward Kasper's mouth and panted, "Every. Single. Drop. Do you understand?" Kasper didn't think he could flush any darker, but it seemed Logan was hell-bent on finding out. Swallow? Well, was it any different from licking their come off Logan's hand? In a way, yes, it was. This was all about Logan's pleasure. He was servicing Logan, being the receptacle for his release, and there was a certain level of degradation to the act for Kasper. It was a humiliating thrill that he didn't want to pick apart as Logan's cock waited. He licked his lips and shifted a little closer as he opened his mouth. Kasper licked broadly over the slick tip, groaning, and then he wrapped his lips around the head and sucked. Logan was all slippery musk, the subtle scent of sweat mingling with the taste of skin. Logan pried Kasper back from his groin with a firm grip, his eyes and voice swiftly reprimanding. "I asked you a question. What do you say?" "Yes," Kasper whispered, willing to say anything to return to his task. Logan nodded, releasing Kasper's jaw. "Good. Continue." Embarrassment crept through Kasper. Already, Logan had needed to scold him, remind him that every question was to have an answer. He was all too happy to hide his face and shameful tears in Logan's crotch. Kasper suckled, kissed, and licked up and down Logan's shaft. He wet it thoroughly, but he did it in his own time, trying to ignore how his cock ached while his hands clutched at the carpet. Logan didn't even try to hide his pleasure this time, and his moan was accompanied by words that positively dripped approval. "God, yeah, suck me." His hand moved to the back of Kasper's head, encouraging him. Kasper felt his own sense of power in that moment, and he withheld, slowed further, resorting to just his tongue and the brush of lips that curved into a smug smile. If Logan wanted to hold power over him, then he would hold power over Logan, even when he was on his damned hands and knees for the man. But Logan would have none of it. He pulled Kasper's head back, and shoved his cock hard into Kasper's mouth. "I said suck, not lick!" he shouted. Kasper gagged and tried to withdraw, but Logan's hand in his hair prevented it. His eyes filled with new tears as he sputtered around Logan's cock. He'd disobeyed, and this was punishment, and it wasn't meant to be comfortable. Panic seeped in around his defenses. His lungs began to burn as oxygen was kept from him. His nails dug into the carpet as he tried to whined around the flesh in his throat. It took every ounce of control for him not to bite or yank back. Kasper needed to atone somehow, and quickly, because motes of light were dancing behind his clenched eyelids. He weakly sucked at the flesh while he stifled more choking sounds. After a moment, the hand holding him firmly in place relented, giving him a moment to breathe and recover. He took that moment, pulling back while coughing and swallowing repeatedly. Shame welled in him, and he sniffled. It was childish, he knew, like a two-year-old scolded for breaking a lamp, but the instinct was there. A moment later, though, he took Logan back between his lips, sinking down to the root of him. Kasper didn't fuck around now; he had something to prove. He wasn't some pathetic virgin who had never sucked cock before, and he set to making Logan know that piece of information intimately.

Kasper slid back, lips wrapped tightly around the twitching shaft, and sucked fiercely upon the tip before he swallowed Logan's prick again. He went deep, drawing on Logan hard, moaning loudly. He shifted back and forth on his hands and knees to gain more momentum. He ignored the tears that wet his burning cheeks, and he began to feel exactly like the slut Logan kept calling him. His entire goal was to make Logan come, his existence dwindled down to that one task, that one man's pleasure. The difference was astounding. The renewed effort Kasper made paid off immediately, forcing a deep groan from Logan's chest. His hand massaged the back of Kasper's neck, his hips moving in time with the swift thrusts of his mouth. Kasper could feel Logan holding himself back as he got close to the edge, and each time made Kasper more passionate and desperate. The third time, Kasper made sure that Logan couldn't stop himself again. His effort was rewarded with Logan's choked cry splitting the air and hot come filling his mouth. When Logan's spasms ceased and Kasper still had a mouthful, Logan ordered him again to swallow, his voice rough but sated. Kasper allowed Logan to slip from his lips, and he bowed his head. It took a long moment to convince himself to swallow what was in his mouth. It was bitter and thick in his mouth, and that spark of rebellion lighted inside him. He could refuse. He could deny Logan the satisfaction of seeing him swallow. The sad truth, he realized, was that he didn't want to deny Logan. He wanted to please him, make him proud, and it was that driving force that finally allowed him to swallow the fluid sitting unpleasantly on his tongue. "Kasper," Logan panted, smiling down at him. "That was wonderful. Very... very good job. You've pleased me and earned a reward." He brushed his fingertips across slightly swollen lips and the flushed features of Kasper's face and neck. Kasper's lashes fluttered, his pulse still raging. He'd pleased Logan. He'd done well. An amazing sense of fulfillment washed over him. He parted his lips and sucked two of Logan's fingers into his mouth, his eyes daring to glance up at Logan as his tongue moved over, around, and between the two fingers. "Mmm, yes," Logan purred. "You've done very well. How would you like to come?" The fingers fell from Kasper's mouth. "However it would please you," he breathed, the words leaving his mouth as if he always said such things. Logan's smile broadened. "A perfect submissive answer," he complimented. "But this is your reward, so when I ask, I want you to name your desires. Don't hold back." All this talking! It was as embarrassing as crawling about or sucking Logan off. "I... want to feel your fingers inside me." Kasper swallowed and licked his lips. He could feel that damn flush starting again. "I've fantasized about that, how it feels sitting in your lap as your fingers shove deep and your hand jacks me off and we kiss until I'm utterly spent." Logan leaned forward to kiss Kasper. "Very well," he breathed, drawing Kasper up from the carpet with insistent hands. Logan maneuvered off his seat to the floor and pulled Kasper close again, Kasper's bare legs straddling his hips. Kasper's breath quickened, and he stroked Logan's face with his hands. "Why do I want this so much?" he whispered, brushing his lips across Logan's. "Why do I allow you to dominate and humiliate me?" Logan smiled, and it was such an understanding expression that Kasper couldn't help but be soothed by it. "Maybe you want to feel out of control, but placed in my hands, knowing I will praise and cherish it. Knowing that when you let go, there's someone to catch you." "I need control," Kasper said as he traced Logan's lips with his tongue. "Why?"

Logan's strong hands ran the length of his back, down his spine to the swell of his ass, and then back up. Kasper arched into the stroking, his eyes slowly shutting as he spoke softly against Logan's lips. "No one can hurt me if I'm in control." He didn't know why he was telling Logan that, but he couldn't ignore the questions. It had been made clear he was to answer any question Logan asked, and Kasper feared the look of disapproval if he didn't. "I know what you mean. Sometimes," Logan said, his fingers brushing briefly between the globes of Kasper's ass, "it's nice to take chances, to lose all that responsibility. Sometimes you have to trust someone else to take the lead." Kasper moaned, pushing down onto those teasing fingers. "I should trust you?" "Yeah." Logan smiled. "Trust me to lead you, to show you the realities of your wildest fantasies while keeping you safe." Kasper drew his tongue over Logan's lower lip. "Yes." It seemed that was the affirmation that Logan needed. He grabbed the base of Kasper's neck and jerked him forward into a deep kiss. Kasper yielded almost instantly. He wrapped his arms around Logan's shoulders, savoring the closeness, the security he felt astride Logan's thighs. It was a wonderful sensation following his humiliation. Logan wrapped one arm around Kasper's waist, pulling them closer before his hands strayed lower again to knead at Kasper's ass. Kasper gasped into Logan's mouth and curled his fingers into Logan's hair. "I've never such passion," he panted. "I feel like I'm burning up." He wanted to come, having waited far longer than he was used to, and he wanted Logan to take him there. "A common side effect," Logan teased with a smile, shifting his hips against Kasper. Kasper threw his head back when Logan's thrust gave him just a little friction, just enough to make his cock twitch. His hands tightened in Logan's hair. "By God, I just want!" It was a crazy, wild feeling, something base and feral inside him begging to be let out. He righted his head and dove into another passionate kiss, shoving his tongue deep between Logan's lips. Logan moaned softly, giving and taking within the kiss while his fingers nimbly skirted the bony protrusions Kasper's hips. Following the indentation between hip and groin, he took hold of Kasper's cock without hesitation, stroking lewdly at the shaft while his other hand gripped at Kasper's ass. Kasper shuddered as desire almost painfully ran through him. It was like little electric shocks tingling along his flushed skin. He was out of control, wild in the kisses, the touches, the way he moved his body against Logan's. He panted between the meeting of their lips, words falling into the empty space between them. "I want... I want to be at your mercy, to know that you will give me all the pain and pleasure I can handle! I want you, Logan!" Logan's groan melded seamlessly into a growl, perfectly intoned to be arousing instead of menacing. "Then, you will have me. Pain, pleasure, passion." His hands became a bit rougher, a couple light scratches over Kasper's skin before he drew his nails firmly across one buttock. Kasper was slick and heavy in his grip, and he held his hand in one place. "Thrust against me," Logan demanded, scratching again over the same patch of flesh. The sharpness of the pain across Kasper's buttock sent sizzling pleasure to pool in his groin. Kasper whimpered, burying his face in Logan's throat, hiding his blush as he complied. The thrusting was hesitant and uncoordinated at first, but it smoothed out as he panted hotly against Logan's damp flesh. Oh, God, it was good, so good. He couldn't remember when he'd last lost himself so thoroughly in sex. "Yeah, just like that," Logan groaned. He encouraged Kasper with the rhythmic kneading at his ass, his fingers gradually straying down the crease between the cheeks again. He let Kasper's thrusting do the work for him, the forward and backward movements teasing with brief contact against his probing fingers.

Kasper bit his lip as he tried to maintain his rhythm, his cock jerking in Logan's hand, but his body wanted to push back. He almost had what he'd been so curious about. He wanted those fingers that teased him so passively to push into him. Spread him. His breathing heavy, his face and neck wet with sweat, he tried his best to please Logan, finding something inside him that needed more of that praise. "Look at me," Logan said. The intimacy of eye contact was, in itself, a form of subtle torture for Kasper. When Kasper shook his head, trying to distract Logan by brushing soft lips over the pulse in his neck, he raised his voice. "Look at me, Kasper," he repeated, squeezing the man's cock in warning. The sharpness in Logan's voice couldn't be denied, and Kasper didn't want to test the consequences if he chose to ignore him. Slowly, he lifted his head, his blush deepening as he continued to move between Logan's hands. "Good," Logan praised, his voice losing its dangerous, razor-sharp quality. He squeezed his hand just a bit more around Kasper's cock. Kasper distantly recognized it as yet another reward for his obedience. It was so subtle, positive and negative reinforcement. It was brilliant and so basic. "Don't be ashamed. I like seeing you flushed and sweaty, your lovely eyes burning with need." A small, pleasured sound escaped Kasper, whispered to the electric air between their lips. "Tell me, do you want my fingers inside?" He straightened his fingers so they offered just a little more pressure each time Kasper pushed back. Kasper eyes slipped shut, but the words stuck in his throat. While he wasn't the type to fuck with the lights off and the shades drawn, he was not used to speaking so much during the act. He certainly wasn't accustomed to voicing his wants halfway through fucking. It was strange, and he couldn't decide if he liked it or not. All he did know was that it added a layer to the sex he'd never before experienced. Logan leaned forward, encouraging him with a simple peck of a kiss. "If you want it, just say so." His dark eyes fixed on Kasper. "Want them inside?" Kasper opened his eyes, his vision filled with the sight of Logan's face. He swallowed once and nodded. "Yes. I... want..." His cheeks burned. "I want them inside." "Very good, Kasper. Perfect," Logan moaned. Pulling his hand from Kasper's ass, he sucked on his fingers a few seconds, slicking them with saliva before pressing them back against Kasper's opening. Kasper was captured by a firm grip at his cock. He couldn't move unless he wanted to hurt himself, and he moaned in the back of his throat. Logan pressed kisses to his lips and warm cheeks as his fingers circled, and then slowly slipped inside. "Fuck, you're tight." Groaning, Kasper shifted back, taking the fingers as deeply as he could in one push. He ignored the poorly lubricated burn. The only care he had was that Logan was inside him, spreading him. The compliment to his tightness brought home how long it had been since he'd done anything remotely like this. A year? Two? Most likely three. He rose and sat back on Logan's fingers, slowly riding them, always taking them in as far as he could. The rough scrape of his body against Logan's flesh, a little pain amid the overwhelming pleasure, added much more to the pleasure than he'd thought possible. His head spun, swirling with dizziness, and he gripped tighter at Logan's shoulders. "Logan!" "Fuck, yeah, ride them just like that," Logan whispered. He began to curve his fingers every time Kasper rose, dragging them along until he found Kasper's prostate. Kasper threw his head back and screamed the first time the gland was rubbed. He ruthlessly, selfishly rode the fingers inside him, taking every drop of pleasure Logan offered. His body moved without his conscious decision. Rational thought was a thing of the past, sacrificed on the altar of deviant passion. Every time those fingers rubbed over that spot, his whole body jerked and another

cry left his lips. Words simply spilled over his lips. All his secrets, small, wanton needs he'd kept locked away inside him. "Want to be bound and have choice taken from me. I want to experience what I've never experienced. I want to feel you inside... feel my blood slicking your lips!" The words brought another loud moan from Logan's chest, and he thrust his fingers against that spot inside with every push of Kasper's body. Logan abused the little knowledge Kasper had given him of his body. Within moments, Kasper was trembling on the edge of his frayed control. "God!" Logan's hand loosened around Kasper's cock as he placed a final condition on Kasper's climax, asking, "Do you want to come?" Without thinking, Kasper answered, thrusting himself forcefully against Logan and back onto the wickedly perfect fingers. "Yes!" "Do you want to come?" Logan repeated with more volume. Kasper nearly sobbed. It was all too much. He was burning up inside, smothered by his own lust. "Yes, I want to come! Logan!" he cried, teetering, waiting... waiting for whatever would please his lover. "Then come!" Logan shouted, closing his hand around Kasper's twitching cock and pumping it mercilessly. His fingers unerringly found their mark. A scream ripped from Kasper's throat as he bucked between the hands, his nails digging into Logan's shoulders. He trembled against Logan, his cock jerking in the unrelenting grip as he came in thick bursts. All sense was lost, and his world narrowed to the delicious pleasure that radiated through him as his ass gripped and held tight to the fingers possessing him. The slippery hand wrung every drop from him, and after a heart-stopping moment of tension, he slumped against Logan, quivering with aftershocks. Kasper shivered as the heat slowly seeped from his body. He gave a few last squeezes to the fingers buried inside, and then let out a shuddering sigh. "Logan." "Mmm, Kasper," Logan purred in response. His fingers slid from Kasper's ass and massaged his opening for a few seconds before withdrawing completely. Logan's arm wrapped around Kasper's waist and shifted their bodies. He eased Kasper onto the floor, and blood rushed back into Kasper's feet. "You did so very well. Eager, sexy, and the desire to please." He kissed Kasper's shoulder. "So good for your first tastes. I'm proud." Kasper's eyes wouldn't focus, and a pleased smile curved his lips. Pride swelled in his chest at the praise. "I like how you make me feel," he mumbled, his words slurring a little. "I like what you make me feel." "I like what you make me feel, too." Logan's eyes swept over Kasper's body once again. "You look so fucking amazing debauched." Kasper hadn't thought he had it in him anymore, but his cheeks grew heated with yet another blush. "Don't say such things." "It's true, though," Logan insisted, inching just a bit closer. "You did so well. You submit gracefully, correct your mistakes quickly, and make me proud." "We shouldn't talk about it," Kasper murmured. "It's not polite conversation." He didn't like what he did sexually to be brought up. Better to just fuck and forget. "But it's important," Logan said softly, brushing his fingers through Kasper's damp hair. "You just did something new and different with me, and I need to know how you feel about it. It's part of the whole package." Kasper ducked his head, trying to hide his face against Logan's shoulder. "It frightens me." Logan cradled him close. "I know," he whispered. "It's something you've never done before. But you have me as a guide, and I'll teach you anything you want to learn, answer your questions, and hopefully help it seem less frightening in the end."

Kasper was shocked when a sob rose from his throat. He'd allowed Logan to call him names, degrade him, humiliate him. He'd crawled to him, swallowed come, and then writhed on Logan's lap like a cat in heat. And what made the next sob that much rougher was that he already wanted to know more, to see just how far Logan could push him. Kasper shook in Logan's arms, weeping softly, overwhelmed by the truth of what he wanted. "I'm here," Logan breathed, hugging Kasper close. "It's all right, Kasper. Let it out." Kasper curled in on himself, shaking his head. "I can't believe I... and then I..." He shook his head again, trying to pull away, Logan's fully clothed body reminding him of his own vulnerability. Logan refused to let Kasper squirm away, though. "It's all right," he repeated. "You did nothing wrong. Nothing at all. What you just did was so beautiful. I know it seems so strange, but it was beautiful, and there's nothing wrong with you for wanting it, nothing wrong with you for having it." "It is not normal for a man to get so painfully hard by being verbally stripped and humiliated. I never swallow, never let anyone come in my mouth!" "I know tons of people in the BDSM community who enjoy kinds of humiliation. You're not the only one to feel turned on by it. You're not alone." Logan gave him a little squeeze. "I know it can be jarring, pushing past limits you didn't realize you were willing to bend, but you have me here. I'm not gonna leave you to deal with this alone. You don't have to be alone." Kasper shook his head, allowing his brow to rest against Logan's shoulder. Tears slid down his cheeks, and he whispered, "I didn't know. I just didn't know how much I would love it..." Logan nodded against his hair. "I felt the same my first time fully taking charge of a scene. It was frightening, thrilling, fulfilling." He trailed his fingers up and down Kasper's spine. Shivering, Kasper sighed, the sensation of Logan's fingers on his body soothing. "I should get dressed." Logan smiled and kissed Kasper's forehead. "Sure thing." Pulling back slowly, he wiped the tears from Kasper's cheeks and picked up his clothing. "You're much more organized with it than I am," he admitted with a small chuckle. "I tend to just throw things everywhere." Kasper stood up and went to his desk first, pulling out wet wipes and carefully cleaning his hands, stomach, and groin. He was glad Lynn, the receptionist, always left right after checking Logan in for his appointments. Having anyone hear him scream like he must have during that? It was a humiliation he certainly didn't want or need. After tossing the wipe away, he began to dress. "I like everything in its place, unwrinkled, unspoiled." "I guess I can understand that." Logan handed the rest of Kasper's clothing to him along with his discarded belt. "Maybe that's why you enjoyed submitting. You're always in control, analyzing, and having no burden of choices anymore can be freeing." Kasper pulled his undershirt on, unable to meet Logan's gaze as he dressed. "That's logical." "You have nothing to be ashamed of. You did... remarkably well." "I'm not ashamed," Kasper said a little too quickly. "Don't lie to me, Kasper. It doesn't suit you," Logan reprimanded. "Is there anything I can help with? Questions I can answer for you? I can just give you space if you need it, but I want you to know that I'm here." Kasper stopped with his shirt half on and just stared at Logan. "Do you always do this? Dominate someone, fuck them, and then try to make them feel good about it?" "No," Logan said. "I don't try to make my partners feel good unless they need that reassurance. Usually, I leave my submissives feeling thoroughly satisfied, maybe even at peace in certain cases, when things go really well. I comfort and reassure you because I think that's what you need following such a huge first."

Kasper finished dressing, a new flush rising in his cheeks. It seemed embarrassment or ashamed were going to be a permanent state for him. "So I'm your submissive." He wasn't quite certain how he felt about that. "If that's what you wanna be, then yes. We never have to continue if you don't want to. I won't take anything you don't willingly give." Kasper licked his lips as he pulled on his loafers, and then went to his desk. He sorted through his papers, what he needed to take home, what could stay. He didn't want to be talking about this. Hell, he didn't want to be thinking about it. He wanted a hot shower, some Tylenol PM, and to sleep in tomorrow. "Why would I stop?" "If it's too much too soon, or something you find you don't really want. Those are the most common reasons I've heard." Kasper heard the shift of fabric and zipper as Logan sorted his own state out. "And they're valid reasons, so don't be afraid to use them." Finally, Kasper looked at Logan, his eyes sharp and serious. If he had demons he needed to face with this, he'd do it in the privacy of his own damn mind. "I just told you I liked it. I don't see that changing anytime soon." Logan nodded. "All right." A small smile came to his lips, and he picked up his bag, slinging it over his shoulder. "Then I look forward to the next time." Kasper nodded and shifted on his feet. "I will see you for your appointment on Friday." "Yeah... and, if you have questions or anything, you have my number, okay?" "Of course," Kasper said with another nod. "Then I'll see you Friday." Logan hesitated for a couple moments, and then gave Kasper a smile and small wave before heading to the door and seeing himself out. Kasper let out a long breath as he looked around the still and empty room, his heart twisting in the silence left behind.

Chapter Nine Logan took a few deep, calming breaths as he approached the front door of the quaint, twostory house belonging to his boss. Though it had been a bit awkward, he had been flattered by the sudden invitation Adam had extended to him. He couldn't remember the last time he had been asked to a social event. Even among his friends in the BDSM community, group gatherings were rare. At least, ones that didn't involve sex in some way. He had splurged a bit, taking a taxi to the house. He'd also taken the time to dress nicely for the occasion. Logan had chosen his best pair of jeans and a proper shirt that buttoned down the front. It might not be the casual khakis and polo shirt he was sure Kasper wore on his off days, but it was his best. He was comfortable, and he was sure comfort would be high on his list of wants by the time this little party got into full swing. Following a sign taped on the front door, Logan let himself into the house, trying not to gawk at the tastefully decorated space. It all but reeked of high society. He heard laughter on the other side of the house, probably the backyard. No one noticed his arrival, and he made his way to the sliding doors that separated him from the bustle of the party-goers. It was a lively barbecue, and the scents that drifted his way through the screen door hinted at just how appetizing the food would be. The only thing that kept him from immediately joining the festivities was an odd sense of isolation that suddenly rushed over him. The men and women outside were all obviously from a lifestyle that he didn't even remotely share. Their clothes and postures denoted a certain sense of richness that was rare in his own sphere. His eyes swept over the group, taking in details like he always did when surveying a scene at one of the clubs. It was during that initial glance that he caught sight of him. Kasper. Logan's mind went in a thousand directions, and he inwardly berated himself after a few moments. Taking a mental step backward, he tried to view the situation objectively. He was assuming that Adam knew about his relationship with Kasper, but there was no true proof of that. Still, he didn't know what his boss' reaction to it all would be if they were discovered, so he decided to play it cool. He nodded to himself, decision made. He'd test the waters before jumping in head first. Dear God, Kasper looked amazing, though, and he doubted he had ever seen his lover more at ease. There was a certain light to the man's eyes. Then again, maybe it was just the way they caught the sunlight, which was so different from the fluorescents he was used to being under in Kasper's office. He watched from a distance for as long as possible, trying his best not to be seen by stepping behind the wall next to the doorway. It was with a small jolt that he realized he was spying, and he cursed under his breath. He was being stupid. This was absolutely stupid. He was acting like a child,

spying on his lover like this. Swallowing his unease, he slapped a smile on his face and stepped out onto the deck. In an attempt to give Kasper space instead of pouncing the man and having to explain himself to everyone, Logan approached a small group of men and women. They were all college educated, if their topic of discussion was any indication. It took all he had not to shift on his feet as he tried to listen and understand what they said, interjecting a comment of his own when he found something to add. He introduced himself as Adam's co-worker when asked. It was probably the safest route to take. He prayed no one noticed how often his eyes drifted toward Kasper. It was the only thing that felt natural to him, the one thing he did without thinking, without forcing himself. Fifteen minutes later, Logan noticed Kasper and Adam having what appeared to be a very heated conversation. Try as he might, Logan couldn't make out what they were saying. Kasper looked pissed. Logan thought he'd never seen Kasper actually pissed off. He didn't like it. Then, without warning, Kasper stormed away from Adam and into the house, slamming the door behind him. Logan wasn't the only one to turn his head, but he was the last person to turn back to the conversation. His eyes lingered at the door and Adam before he forced himself to pay attention to what was being said around him. What had Adam said to tick Kasper off like that? The question plagued him, and after a distracted minute, he excused himself from the group. He grabbed a cup of tea and sipped as he made his way as casually as possible to Adam. "Hey, boss." He paused, his eyes sliding to the door. He wasn't sure whether he should bring Kasper up or not, but the curiosity nagged at him. He chose his words as carefully, his posture and expression exuding a calm confidence that he didn't quite feel on the inside. "Is there a problem?" "Kasper's unhappy with me." Adam smiled as he nodded hello to another guest. "He wasn't expecting you here." Logan's lips twitched. He tried and failed to hide his smile behind his glass. "I wasn't expecting him either. I guess I should have. The two of you are close." "If you ask him, maybe too close." Adam turned to look directly at Logan. "I'm not sure what game you're playing with him, but Kasper has done something I never thought he would. He's risked his whole life for someone. I know that life probably doesn't mean much to you, but it does to him, and to most of us here. When you decide he's too conservative and repressed for your tastes, leave his life as quietly as you entered it." Logan's smile faded instantly. Adam's words touched on something he had been trying to ignore for weeks. He looked down, his jaw clenched as he shifted uncomfortably on his feet. Yeah, Kasper was risking a lot for them to be involved, but the way Adam put it made it sound like so much more. It was what he had planned, wasn't it? Just enjoying what he shared with Kasper until it died out? But that potential he'd felt, that spark that he had kept under wraps following their last encounter in the office, reared its head now. Who was Adam to talk to him like this? Adam didn't know a fucking thing. "With all due respect, sir." He looked up at Adam. He didn't like the assumption about his intent. He wasn't a complete asshole, after all. "You don't know anything about my tastes." "But I know Kasper's," Adam reminded Logan. "Now, why don't you go in the house and see if you can coax him back out. No one but me knows you're his patient, and no one else will." Without another word, Adam walked away. Logan stared after him. The look in Adam's eyes in those last moments had been nothing but barely restrained contempt. What the hell was going on? Logan to take a deep breath and let it out slowly. Adam knew. Adam wasn't going to blab. Maybe this day—and his relationship with Kasper—could be salvaged. He just needed to, as Adam had so delicately phrased it, coax Kasper back out. Logan smiled darkly to himself. He could be quite persuasive when he put his mind to it. Setting his cup on one of the small tables, he let himself into the air-conditioned shadows of Adam's house and searched for Kasper.

Wandering through the lower level of the house, Logan heard running water. He followed the sound to a cracked door and peeked inside. The bathroom sink was on full blast, and Kasper was bent over the basin. Logan opened the door fully and leaned against the frame for a couple seconds before stepping inside. "You okay?" he asked, reaching out to touch Kasper's shoulder. Kasper straightened quickly and took two steps backward, his eyes darting about. "What–Did anyone see you follow me?" Logan paused, his hand hanging between them. "Adam asked me to go after you." Kasper's panic would become his own if he didn't calm him down. "Breathe, Kasper." Kasper slumped against the wall, closing his eyes. Logan stepped close again. This was like dealing with a scared dog. Any sudden movement or loud noise might set Kasper off. Logan slid his hand up Kasper's shoulder and rubbed his fingers in small circles. "Adam knows. He's not going to tell the others I'm your patient." Kasper laughed, the sound high-pitched and unpleasant, as he shook his head. "He wouldn't. I knew he'd figure it out." He sighed and rubbed at his face with his hands. "You should go back out and enjoy the cook out." "So should you." "I'm not hungry." Logan smiled a little. He didn't want to get forceful with Kasper. If he could just calm him down... "C'mon, come outside with me." Logan's hand slid from Kasper's shoulder to his hand, taking hold. "Let's have some fun with the others. It's supposed to be a party." Kasper just stared at Logan. "We're not dating, Logan!" He jerked his hand out of Logan's grasp. "I can't go out there with you. I have no restraint when you're around." Logan bit the inside of his cheek a second, anger sparking inside him. "Dating or not, we're still together. I'm not ashamed of it. These are your friends. Why show restraint around them?" Kasper's eyes looked everywhere but at him, and he finally whispered, "I'm afraid they'll see, that they'll know what I let you do to me." Logan let out a slow breath. Losing his temper was not going to help the situation. "That's something no one can see." He cupped Kasper's cheek. Why was Kasper struggling so much with this? He didn't understand it, and Logan tried—yet again—to drive home the truth of the matter. "There's nothing wrong with being a submissive lover, just like there's nothing wrong with being more dominant, or any level of straight, bi, or gay. What we do between us is our business." Kasper clenched his teeth and pushed Logan's hand away. "Fine." He shut off the water and stalked out of the bathroom, heading toward the sliding glass door. "Hey!" Logan grabbed Kasper's arm as they reached the door. "It's gonna be all right. Okay?" The part inside him that wanted to know more about Kasper flared suddenly. This time, he didn't want to push it completely aside. He wanted to know this man. Somehow, he would. "Maybe you can introduce me to your friends." "If you want," Kasper said after an uncomfortable pause, opening the door to the bright, warm summer afternoon. Logan was almost frightened by how much he wanted to be part of this, part of something beyond the fucking in Kasper's office, a secret closely guarded. It was dangerous, listening to that voice in his head that whispered it might be different with Kasper than it had been with his other lovers. It might be different than it had been with his submissives... or even the few actual, vanilla boyfriends he had tried to let close over the years. Maybe it would be different this time. Maybe. But what if it wasn't? What if he was deluding himself? Was that a risk he was willing to take? Looking at Kasper from the doorway as the blond walked into the sunlight, he sighed. His eyes followed Kasper,

unable to stop drinking in the sight of the beautiful, successful man whose life he'd just stumbled into. Adam said Kasper was risking everything. Perhaps it was time he did the same. Kasper stepped onto the grass, and then his arms were full as a tall, dark-haired man swept him up in a hug. He laughed, returning the embrace, and then the friendly kiss gifted to his lips. "Jon! I wasn't expecting you here!" His face flushed a bit as he turned to look back at Logan. "Jon, I would like to introduce you to Logan. Logan, this is Jon." Jon's arm remained around Kasper's waist, but he extended his other hand. "Logan. It's always nice to see a new face at these things." Logan crossed to the pair, his eyes taking in the familiarity between Kasper and Jon. He tried not to jump to any conclusions, giving Jon a fair chance. He was just as friendly with some of his own friends, after all, and he had asked for it, hadn't he? He wanted to know more about Kasper, and he guessed that included more former lovers. Besides, he thought, Kasper looks a bit more relaxed now. Kasper's smile, slightly embarrassed though it was, seemed contagious, and Logan smiled at Jon, taking the man's hand in a firm but friendly handshake. "Nice to meet you, Jon. I was a bit surprised to be invited. I've never had a boss invite me to any sort of social function." "Adam likes having people over to his and Shawn's house. A lot of us have yet to grow up enough to get married and buy a house." "Hey," Kasper protested. "Present company excluded." Jon pinched Kasper's side briefly, which caused Kasper to laugh. "You're the most grown up of us, even if you aren't married." Kasper smiled up at Jon. "Someday. I've got time." Jon leaned down and murmured, "And at least it affords me these brief opportunities to enjoy your charms." Kasper flushed deeply. "Jon, no." He slipped out of Jon's arm and took Logan's hand. "I am here with Logan, and it looks bad." Winking at Jon, he pulled Logan along. "Time to mingle." Logan sputtered out a surprised laugh, blaming the light flush that came to his face on the heat of the sun. Kasper had announced their relationship to Jon, and that brought a strange heat to his core, a sensation of mingling pride and happiness he wasn't accustomed to. "He seems nice. Playful," he commented to Kasper with a chuckle. "He's verbally amusing. Playful is a good word for how he is in mixed company. Privately, though, he is quite staggeringly boring." "He made you blush rather easily." "I can easily be made to blush when my sexual proclivities are shared in front of people I respect." "Is that a warning not to embarrass you or an invitation to make you blush all afternoon?" Logan teased, grinning at Kasper. "I would prefer if what you and I did wasn't made part of the conversation." Kasper replied carefully as they neared Adam. Adam looked as though he were holding court, talking with half a dozen other people, and, again, Logan was reminded just how out of place he really was. "It's not exactly high on my list of topics," Logan murmured. "I'm more interested in what Jon said." "Oh?" Adam interjected, catching that last statement. "What'd Jon say?" "Just something about me being very grown up," Kasper grumbled. Adam smirked. "Oh, yes. Very grown up." Craig, a slender man with laughing eyes, joined in the amusement, his arm around a slim, pretty woman. "Our Kasper is such a big boy." Kasper scoffed. "You can all kiss my ass."

"And such beautiful language!" Janet laughed, her eyes darting up to Craig and back to Kasper. Logan barely managed to stifle his laughter. "I'm probably a terrible influence. I tend to curse a lot." He looked at the man standing closest to Adam and smiled, holding out his hand. "You must be Shawn. Adam speaks of you often at work." "He should," Shawn said, shaking Logan's hand as he smiled at Adam. "Most days, you can't shut Adam up about Shawn," Kasper added. They all watched Adam kiss Shawn and laugh softly. The two grown men whispered back and forth like adolescent lovers sharing a secret. Kasper's attention shifted to one of the women in the group. "Hey, Sarah. How's Kelly?" "She's fine," Sarah said with a grin. "She would've come today, but the boys were with her this weekend." Logan usually kept back at these sorts of things. He wasn't really a social guy. Yeah, he liked company, enjoyed the BDSM get-togethers he'd occasionally drop in on, but his sort of thing? It was completely alien to him. When he compared himself to these people, with their homes and jobs and families, he was absolutely juvenile and poor and utterly without class. He had lived from paycheck to paycheck from childhood right up until he started working for Adam. And, hell, that job was one he wouldn't have if he hadn't chosen Kasper's name out of dozens in the phonebook. These were Kasper's people, and Logan knew he stood out like a gangrenous thumb. Adam glanced at Logan. "What about you, Kasper. What's new with you?" Kasper stilled. "Nothing much. Work. Home. Work." "You work too much," Shawn said. "Adam says you used to take your work home with you. Do you still?" Color tinted Kasper's cheeks. "Not home, necessarily." Janet's attention turned to Logan. "How long have you and Kasper been seeing one another? Kasper hasn't brought someone new to meet us in years, I think." Glancing up at Kasper, Logan calculated the time quickly in his head. "A couple weeks, really, though we've known one another for a few months now." Janet smiled at Kasper. "It's so unlike you, having a boy hidden from us." Kasper swallowed. "Yeah, well, call me crazy." "What is it you do, Logan?" Craig asked. "Are you also in psychology?" Logan smiled and shook his head. Psychology? He'd barely made it through biology. "No, I work for Adam in the office and do a bit of freelance modeling." It was impossible to ignore the silence that followed that statement. They all stared at him as if he were speaking Swahili and not discussing a profession. Then again, he had to wonder if any of these people didn't own their own companies or live with a spouse who did. Maybe none of them had needed to work in a menial position like clerk or model. A pang of sadness twisted Logan's stomach, but he didn't know if it was for his poor situation or their privileged one. Kasper cleared his throat. "Logan is very good at what he does. He works hard." He smiled at Logan. "I admire that in him." Shock rocked Logan right down to the soles of his feet. Kasper was defending him. Kasper admired him. After all the bumps they'd had, that was something Logan hadn't known he'd really needed to hear. He smiled at Kasper and squeezed his hand. "Life has never been predictable for me. I play the hand I'm dealt and take the opportunities that come. Not everyone is cut out for higher education. I couldn't recall anything from trigonometry if you asked me, but I can play a couple wicked pieces on marimba, and I've kept afloat in a shitty economy through my own hard work."

Kasper's smile was strained. Logan saw the tiny, tense lines around his eyes. "I think," Kasper murmured, "I'm gonna go get another beer." He excused himself and headed over to the cooler, leaving Logan alone with strangers. Logan was completely out of place, standing in front of the group without Kasper's anchoring presence. Kasper's abrupt departure bothered him, and he wanted to chase after the man, but with several eyes on him, he knew he wasn't out of the hot seat yet. He stood there, waiting for one of them to say something and worried about what was going through Kasper's mind at that moment. It was Shawn who spoke up. "Kasper hadn't mentioned you before today. Were you two trying to keep it under wraps? 'Cause I don't think Adam knew." Adam's eyes focused on a clump of grass at their feet. "I knew they were together, I just didn't know if they wanted anyone else to know," he said. So casually spoken, the lie didn't sound like a lie at all. "I just know Kasper. He hates keeping secrets. It eats him up inside." That was a tidbit he'd not gleaned from Kasper. Logan had just thought Kasper didn't want his career ruined. But, by saving his career, Logan thought, Kasper was also cutting himself off from these sorts of gatherings. He couldn't very well have arrived with Logan and announced that this was one of his patients and, oh, yeah, by the way, they were also fucking. There would always be a small amount of lying going on, a shadow of a secret kept, and Logan thought he understood Kasper's unease. "He can't lie worth a damn, so he lives as honestly as he can manage," he murmured, more to himself than anyone else. "I actually don't know much about him, other than the basics." Shawn smiled brightly. "Kasper is a good friend, an amazing guy." Adam chuckled. "He is. He'll make someone a very lucky person." Logan's silence was nearly an answer in itself. Why did part of him want to be that someone? It didn't make sense. They were only fucking, right? Another look at Kasper only solidified the desire in him to be closer, to understand more, and he smiled at Adam and the rest of the group. "Thanks for inviting me, Adam," he said absently. "Please excuse me. I think Kasper must have fallen into the cooler." He grinned at everyone. "I should rescue him." After grabbing a cold beer for himself and downing half of it, Logan spotted Kasper in the shade of a tree. He walked across the yard, paused for a moment in front of Kasper, and then sat on the grass next to Kasper's feet. He didn't say anything straight away. He didn't know what to say, exactly. Logan could feel the tension. It was thick and unpleasant, a bitterness in the back his throat he tried to wash down with long drinks from his bottle of beer. He let the silence linger. It would be up to Kasper to speak first. Kasper had walked away, Kasper could explain himself, and Logan could be a very patient man when he needed to be. Kasper took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "We must be a riot for you. A bunch of wealthy yuppies with degrees and houses and kids, whose biggest problem right now is whether the maid will clean up after the party or not." Logan frowned. "I never said that, and I certainly don't think it, either." He looked up again to see Kasper downing the rest of his beer. "I know I don't fit in here quite right. I grew up in a much different sort of life. I'm not ashamed of it." He could help but smile up at Kasper. "You defended me. Thank you." Kasper's eyes darted his way. "You have a lot of merits. They should know that." The corner of Logan's mouth curved into a half-smile. "They don't know me like you do." Kasper flushed. "I would hope not." "I didn't mean sexually," Logan said with a chuckle. "You know more about me than anyone. They all seem really nice, and they obviously care about you. Their approval means a lot to you." "It does. They're my friends. I've known many of them for a number of years. Adam I've known since college."

"He's a great guy, from what I know from our interactions at work." Logan paused as his gaze drifted back to the chattering group a couple yards away. "Do you think they disapprove of you being involved with me?" Kasper wet his lips. "I think they don't understand it." It was a fair statement, and Logan tried very hard not to be offended by it. "I'm not your usual type? Do you have a usual type?" "You've seen two of them, Adam and Jon. My age, a bit taller than me, professional, free of excessive debt, well-schooled, possesses a retirement plan and stock investments." "I see." Logan finished his beer. "No wonder they're confused. I'm nothing like them." "Which is your most redeeming quality." Logan's head immediately snapped back to Kasper, and his smile returned. He didn't think Kasper could have said anything more comforting than that. "I'm glad you think so. Otherwise, I'd be shit-outta-luck, wouldn't I?" Kasper laughed. "I guess you would be." "Most of them would probably shit themselves if they knew what I did in the clubs, huh?" Kasper's laughter died abruptly. "It's a legitimate sexual practice." "It is," Logan agreed. The tension was back in Kasper's face and voice. "So long as everyone consents and no harm is done." The muscles in Kasper's jaw tightened. "I think about it all the time, Logan." "Submitting?" "Yes." "You have a fascination with it, and that's not a bad thing." Logan plucked a piece of grass and rolled it between his fingers. "You're really new to it as well, so that's normal. It's like... if you just discovered that there was an attic in your house filled with exciting things you'd never seen before." He remembered vividly how he'd thought of it those first months when he discovered what sorts of kinks people engaged in behind closed doors. For the first year, he must have fucked and sucked and submitted and dominated his way across the state. He couldn't get enough of it, but that had tapered off. Logan had found his stride, his place in things, and he was sure Kasper would, too. "But I can't experience everything as easily as I can rummage through an attic." Kasper stood up and tossed his beer bottle into the trash can. He looked a bit like a caged animal, eyes dark and uncertain. Kasper waited a moment, hands clenching at his side, before he took off into the wooded land behind Adam's home. "Shit," Logan cursed and jumped up, tossing his empty bottle into the trash before following Kasper into the woods. What had he said? It was new? It was new. New usually led to some sort of preoccupation with the shininess until the gleam wore off. The gleam would wear off for Kasper in time. Didn't Kasper understand that at all? When had the psychologist forgotten the basic principles of the damn human minds? He rushed through the trees after Kasper, calling out for him. "Kasper?" But Kasper ignored him. Logan hated being ignored. It pricked at the dominant streak in him. Kasper was being childish, running off to avoid facing what he felt. This had to stop. Logan picked up a little more speed, closing a bit of the distance between them, but Kasper was still faster. "Kasper!" he snapped as they moved deeper into the forest. "What the hell?" Kasper clenched his hands tightly at his sides, standing utterly still in a small clearing. When Logan was a step behind him, Kasper spun around to grasp Logan's face between his hands. He smashed their mouths together and shoved Logan against a nearby tree as he forced his tongue between Logan's lips.

Taken by surprise, the air left Logan's lungs in a rush. He was stunned into stillness for a moment or two, but then he pulled himself together. Kasper's recklessness pulled his own passion to the front in a matter of seconds. He wasn't passive or submissive, and he quickly turned the tables, grabbing Kasper and whirling them around so he pinned the taller man against the tree. He gasped in a few breaths before devouring Kasper's mouth, his hands pressing his lover's wrists into the rough bark. If Kasper wanted to be rough in the middle of the fucking forest, then they could be rough in the middle of the fucking forest. Logan was flexible. Kasper shuddered against him and sucked on his tongue with a moan. He rubbed himself against Logan, hard and hot against him, and Logan's head spun. They kissed until they were both left panting and dizzy, bodies pressed tightly together as the summer sun beat down on them. Logan grinned, a dark thrill dancing down his spin as he thrust his denim-encased cock against Kasper. "We're at a party and you want me to fuck you," Logan ground out. He brought both of Kasper's wrists up above his head, holding them tightly to the tree with one hand. His other hand carelessly groped between Kasper's legs, massaging Kasper's cock through the fabric of his slacks. Kasper cried out, flushing with shame as he arched his hips. Pleasure sizzled through him, and Kasper thought he'd lost his ever-loving mind. Kasper's heart twisted with shame at the words. "Shut up!" He'd been thinking about this since he'd been in the bathroom with Logan, his mind whirling through every possibility, every configuration they could manage in dozens of semi-private locations around the house. He'd almost hoped Logan wouldn't have followed him into the wood. He could have run until the urges had passed, but now... Now it was too late. Kasper pushed against Logan's hand, hungry for any touch he might be given. "I think about you all the time!" "That makes two of us," Logan snarled. Kasper tried to pull his hands free, but was shocked by the strength in Logan's hand. "I sometimes think I hate you," he spat in Logan's face. "Hate you for waking this in me!" "Ignorance is bliss." Logan leaned forward to nip and suck at his neck. "But knowledge can be exquisite torture." "It's all about torture, always about torture with you." Kasper clenched his eyes shut and dug his nails into the palms of his hands. "Torture me!" Logan tsked and squeezed Kasper's wrists harder, grinding them into the tree bark. "Look who's suddenly giving orders. I'll torture you soon enough, teach you your proper place with a sound lashing that leaves your ass smarting for days." He undid the button and zipper of Kasper's pants and shoved his hand inside, stroking lewdly between the slacks and boxers. Kasper's heart pounded in his ears, and he let loose a shout, pressing desperately into that hand. He was unbelievably aroused, his lungs burning as his head swam. It was so much sensation. The bark cut into his skin, which only heightened the fiery need inside him. "Shut the fuck up, unless you want the others to find you like this, begging me to beat you while I jack you off against a goddamn tree trunk. That's right, writhe against me, but I'm the one who decides when you get to come." Logan finally pushed aside the thin layer of cloth of Kasper's boxers and exposed his cock. He stroked it as he continued speaking in that low, commanding voice. "I'm going to gag that pretty mouth of yours, stretch it wide with a dildo as I bind your hands to the ceiling and paddle you until a mere breath against your skin makes you sob." Logan knew when to squeeze, when to stroke, when to rub the pad of his thumb over the wet slit of his cock. Logan just knew, and Kasper was helpless before him. He bit his lower lip and turned his face away from Logan. Logan was right; he didn't want anyone to see him like this. The thought was humiliating enough. He strained in Logan's grasp, his head ringing with Logan's words. God, the words and the images they conjured. He clenched his eyes shut as he whimpered and squirmed against the tree. He was a creature of need now, and Logan played on that like the expert he was.

"I'm going to chain you on your back, your legs stretched up near your head, lifting your ass from the sheets, your skin tight and waiting. You'll be so desperate, bound and helpless, your only choice to take it as I shove an entire chain of anal beads into your ass and flog your ass and balls until you come on your own face." Logan gripped and twisted, his hand stroking him quickly while his other hand absorbed Kasper's weak struggles. He kept Kasper trapped against the tree with both hands, his voice as tangible to Kasper as his touch. Try as he might, Kasper couldn't keep still, and his sounds grew louder. It was too much, all the vile promises he been longing fore. Logan was offering them, whispering them harshly in his ear, and Kasper grabbed tightly to them. Soon, he knew, soon Logan would make good on every dark, pleasurable word. "Yes!" he cried out, thrusting into the swift, tight grip. "Want it... you... Ah!" "Shut up!" Logan hissed again. He bit at Kasper's neck, hard and painful, as he ceased motion on Kasper's cock. It was punishment. Kasper was recognizing those moments of reward and punishment more and more often, and, without a thought, he corrected the behavior Logan was punishing him for. He sobbed and bit his lower lip once more to silence himself. His silence was what Logan demanded of him, and with the threat of no release looming, he did everything he could to silence his voice. He tried desperately to create the lovely friction on his cock once more, shifting his hips impatiently while remaining as quiet as he could. But it was only when Kasper had calmed down, his harsh breathing the only sound between them, that Logan resumed his stroking. That brief respite meant that the touch now, strong and demanding, was even hotter, so much more intense. Kasper whined softly, the sound kept mostly in the back of his throat. His knees were weak, his arms and wrists aching, and sweat dripped down his back, the heat of the day mingling with the heat of arousal inside him. "I'll pierce your flesh with needles," Logan whispered against Kasper's ear. "Give you temporary piercings strung with small chains that pull just enough to make you ache as I parade you around like a favorite pet. My toy... my Kasper." He latched onto Kasper's throat, sucking and biting as he stroked faster and pushed Kasper toward the very edge of sanity. Kasper squeaked, his breath rasping in and out of his nose as he trembled between Logan and the tree. It was agony, pleasurable, wonderful agony as he waited. Logan had told him he couldn't come until Logan wanted him to. He held onto himself as long as he could, biting the inside of his lip until it bled. His whole body twitched and sweat dripped down his face and back. He liked the sound of being Logan's. Even if he was just a pet Logan fucked once a week, Kasper knew he could be content. So long as he tasted this every so often, he could find a way to settle for whatever crumbs Logan tossed his way. Logan stroked Kasper relentlessly, keeping him there at the edge of release for torturous minutes. The denial was as mind-blowing as any climax he'd been given so far. It added a new dimension to the sex in Kasper's mind, made him reel with all the possibilities being kept wanting could give him to feel, to learn, to test the boundaries of his body and his control. Kasper's throat throbbed under Logan's mouth, and the mark was going to be deep and bright on his flesh. Just when he thought Logan would break the skin again, leave another blood bite on him, he released his throat with a deep groan. As the warm breeze blew over his overheated skin, Kasper shivered, the mark smarting as he swallowed. When Kasper was sure he couldn't hold back any longer, Logan ordered, voice low and rough against his ear, "Come!" The dam broke inside Kasper. He slammed his head back into the tree as he came, heat raging along his flesh as his balls emptied themselves. Along with the relief was searing pain as overworked flesh was milked, pleasure taken to the extreme. He kept his voice as silent as possible,

whimpering as Logan's hand moved between them. His come was captured in a cupped palm, his arms screaming at him as he was finally allowed to lower them. Kasper's thoughts were scattered, disjointed, as his heart raced in his chest. His knees wanted to give out, and he was so tempted to let them. He slowly came down from the climatic high, his eyes fluttering open, and Kasper took in the broad grin on Logan's face. There was a silent command in the dark blue eyes as Logan raised the come-covered hand from Kasper's cock to his lips. Kasper glanced away, tempted to refuse Logan, but he remembered what happened last time. The anger and disappointment in Logan's voice when he didn't do as expected. He closed his eyes and leaned forward, his throat stinging as he licked and swallowed his own come from Logan's hand. Humiliated by the act, as he was each time Logan ordered him to do it, Kasper was still confused by the sizzling moment of arousal that shot through him. He didn't understand. He didn't think he ever would, and he'd had the best schooling possible. The duality of act caused him to moan softly, his heart to skip a beat. Logan groaned, watching him obediently lick his hand clean. That sound moved through Kasper like the most obscene touch, and he sucked one of Logan's fingers between his lips. "Good," Logan purred, his voice heavy with lust. "You make me so proud. So hot, the way you obey and submit. You're so fucking seductive." "I hardly try to be," Kasper said, throat scratchy and dry. "That's part of your appeal." Kasper hesitated a moment, and then wrapped his arms around Logan's shoulders. "I have an appeal?" "Yeah, something I can't identify that pulls me in." Logan smiled. "I know it might sound strange, but it's true, and it's something that can't exactly be taught." Kasper wet his sore lips and ran his fingers through his hair. "You left a hickey." A wicked gleam came to Logan's eyes. "I did." "Everyone will know now what we just did." "They'll only know that I gave you a hickey," Logan reasoned. "They'll know," Kasper muttered. "Let's get back." Logan straightened himself and pulled Kasper against him, brushing off the bark from Kasper's back. "Did I cross the line?" he asked. "You didn't do anything I didn't fucking beg you for," Kasper bit out. Already, the guilt and shame were rushing in to replace the languid warmth of pleasure. As much as he wanted what he did with Logan, he hated it, too. Logan's eyes flashed, his hand tightening on Kasper's upper arm for a moment. "Then wear it proudly and remember the pleasure that came along with it."

Kasper had been very quiet the moment they came into sight of everyone. He didn't rush to leave, even allowing Logan to lead him on. Kasper had issues, and while Logan was trying to be understanding and patient, the hot and cold routine was grating on his nerves. There had to be a breaking point, but he wondered if it would be him or Kasper who broke first. He forced a smile onto his face as they neared Adam and Shawn. "Where do I sign up for the barbecue? It smells delicious!" Adam chuckled as he eyed them. "We were wondering where you two had run off to." "Shut up, Adam," Kasper said, nudging him with his hip. Logan picked up one of the cooked shrimp from the plate next to the grill. "Kasper just wanted to show me the grounds."

Shawn leaned over Kasper's shoulder, looking down with a raised eyebrow. "And he was bitten by a snake on his neck and you had to suck the poison out?" Kasper buried his face in his palm, his cheeks bright red. "Fuck." "How did you guess!" Logan popped the shrimp into his mouth and grinned at Kasper as he chewed and swallowed. "Quite heroic of me, don't you think? Saving you from a snake." "I hate all of you," Kasper stated. "You are deeply disturbed people and should seek professional help." Adam joined in Logan's teasing as he turned the steaks. "If you say so, Doc." "How many times have I told you not to call me that?" "I've lost count," Adam admitted. "Not that I pay attention when you do, anyway." Logan leaned close and whispered to Kasper, "I like when you blush." "Of course you do. You're the one who makes me do it so often," Kasper muttered back. "Ah, but it was Shawn's fault this time." Logan winked at Shawn. "You can't blame me for this particular bout of blushing." Kasper growled and went to sit at the picnic table, talking quietly with Sarah. Adam smiled a little as he watched Kasper. "He doesn't look happy, Logan." He focused on Logan. "In fact, he hasn't looked happy at all lately." "I'm working on it," Logan murmured. "I didn't realize Kasper had to work for his happiness now." Logan disregarded the tone that Adam used and changed the subject. "Can I ask you something?" Adam tilted his head after pulling some of the steaks from the grill. "Depends. No, you can't have a raise yet." Logan chuckled, the answer unexpected and somehow bolstering to his resolve. "What you're paying me is more than enough at the moment," he assured Adam. "You know Kasper really well. What was he like before?" Adam blinked. "Before what?" "Before I came and started turning things upside down." Adam crossed his arms. "He laughed more. We always did something together every weekend, but he tends to beg off now. I was shocked he actually showed up this weekend, but when Jon talked to me–" He snapped his mouth shut. Logan may not have been given a degree, but he wasn't stupid. With Jon's friendliness, Kasper's comments, and Adam's words, he could add it all up. He clenched his jaw. "Ah." "It's not like that, Logan. Kasper doesn't..." Adam glanced at Kasper as he laughed with Sarah. "Kasper doesn't do that sort of thing. It's why I invited you here when I knew he would be here. I had a suspicion, but only a suspicion, and when Jon said Kasper had invited him to his house last Thursday... I had to know. I had to know if Kasper had changed that much." "And now you know that he has?" Logan asked, his shoulders tensing. "If he's with you and fucking Jon, too? Yeah, Logan, I'd say he has. Kasper would never have come back from a romp in the woods with a hickey on his throat. Not the Kasper we all knew. Not the Kasper that kicked Jon to the curb for treating him like a non-entity, or the Kasper who broke up with Jeremy because Jeremy had a thing for blindfolds and games." Logan remained silent for quite a few seconds. "Are you saying I've ruined him?" "I didn't say that." "Your tone implied it." "I love Kasper. I have a very long time."

Logan was tempted to keep his silence, but just when it seemed like the conversation was over and he was about to leave, he spoke again, his voice hushed. "Good. Because he needs friends that love him right now. I know things are changing. He's said as much to me. All I want is for him to be himself." He paused, shifting on his feet. "I believe he can trust you. Don't prove me wrong when he finally comes to you." Worry darkened Adam's eyes. "What have you been doing to Kasper?" "Sharing my world with him." "Your world?" Adam inquired. "Is it so different from everyone else's?" Logan sighed. He was hot, tired, thirsty, and while Kasper may have gotten off, he hadn't. A cool shower and a nap by his AC unit was just what he wanted now. He snagged another icy beer. "Depends on your perspective, I guess. I think there's beauty in it, that there's nothing wrong with it, provided the rules aren't broken. It's a world often left out of polite conversation because it's outside the realm of social normality. That doesn't make it wrong, just different." He looked at Kasper. "He doesn't like being different, though." "Social normality?" Adam laughed as he pulled the last of the steaks from the fire. "Kasper was never normal, and he's been lying if he says he was." A little of the tension eased in Logan as curiosity welled up inside him. "Maybe you should set the record straight." "You want to know about Kasper?" Opening his mouth, Logan suddenly realized how he had just called himself out on the matter. There was no turning back from it, no use in denying the obvious. Still, he hesitated a moment, and then nodded. "Yeah. Yeah, I do." Adam gave him a long, calculating look, and then gave a nod. "Kasper doesn't talk much about himself. It's part of his job, thinking of everyone else before himself. Shawn! C'mere!" He handed out all but two steaks, and then filled up their plates, grabbed silverware, and instructed Logan to grab them both two new beers. He led Logan to two lawn chairs off a bit from the group. "Kasper James Bromley. His father died four years ago. His sister just got married to a nice, well-to-do gentleman. His mom is quiet, enjoying life as much as she can. I've known Kasper since we were nineteen. He's the eldest. His father's namesake in a way – James was an asshole, though. Pushed Kasper from the moment that boy took his first breath." Adam cut into his steak and grinned. "Perfect. A steak is best when it's warm and bloody." He took a bite, chewed thoughtfully, and then said, "Kasper never had a free moment to himself. He always had to strive to be the best. And he was the best. Everyone thought he was the picture-perfect poster-child for normal. James loved to eat that shit up, but Kasper? Kasper was miserable. Subscribing to ideals he hated, supporting movements he found disgusting, and secondguessing who and what he was when he figured out he liked men." Logan was overwhelmed by all the information. In just a few sentences, Adam had painted an unhappy, privileged childhood. Did Kasper even know he'd been unhappy? Or had he convinced himself he was the model of perfection his father and mother had expected him to be? God, to always reach for perfection and never achieve it must lead to a constant sense of failure. Pity threatened to rise in Logan, but he stomped that down. Kasper didn't want his pity. That much he knew. He digested his own thoughts with Adam's words as he took a couple bites of his steak—fucking hell, Kasper was right about Adam's grilling skills—before responding. "So he's used to being under constant scrutiny, expecting someone to call him out on every detail of his life." "That and he expects everyone to want of him what James did. Perfection. You should see his house. It's like no one lives there. He's never owned a pet, he's had seven lovers, only three of us serious enough to be invited close, and he never takes chances. He lives his life by a set routine. How

is that normal? It's not. You're supposed to laugh and go out and get caught in the rain, not have sex once a week with the lights off in a prescribed, pre-approved manner." Logan choked on his next swig of beer. "Holy shit." He glanced over his shoulder toward the bustling group. Everyone was laughing, talking, eating, and Kasper was simply sitting atop a picnic table, plate in his lap, watching. It was a sad sight. Adam sipped his beer, his eyes following Logan's. "He's lonely. Alone. Isolated. Always trying to be perfect so that James will be happy. He isn't even doing what it is he always wanted to do. I about bitch-slapped him when he told me he wasn't going to go to med school. Yale Med had accepted him! But, no. He was either going to be a surgeon like James, or James was going to pick another option. Kasper didn't want to be a surgeon, and so James told him to take up psychology. If he didn't, well, Kasper would be without his financial support, and Kasper needed that financial support. That was when Kasper and I first slept together, and I swear, Logan, you'd think he'd never come before." "Maybe he hadn't," Logan murmured, and his brows knit together. "So, he did everything for his father's approval? He went all the way through a doctorate degree, not doing the thing he wanted to?" He wasn't sure how someone could endure that much school when they were miserable, and it filled him with a strange combination of awe and pity. "No wonder he's so frightened by the things he wants." Adam ate some of his potato salad. "Kasper's never wanted before. Not for himself." Logan drank half his beer and let out a belch. "He does now." "Beautiful," Adam said, poking him with his foot. "Yeah, he must, because you fucked him out in the woods while we could all hear him. At some point, you taught him to want. Now, I suppose you need to teach him that it's all right to want for yourself sometimes." Logan's cheeks flushed ever so slightly at the compliment. "I'm doing my best to show him he has nothing to be ashamed of. I encourage him whenever I can. It's always a bit difficult when you first start out, just dealing with the knowledge that you've traded vanilla for rocky road." "By God, what are you teaching him?" "That Jeremy guy you mentioned with the blindfolds and games?" "Mmm? God, Kasper was livid, I tell you." Logan snorted. "Kid stuff compared to what we're doing." The beer stopped mid-journey to Adam's mouth. "What?" "Sensory deprivation is just the tip of the iceberg in the BDSM community, Adam." Logan ate a few more bites, his eyes scrutinizing every nuance of Adam's face. If one of them had to test the waters, Logan would rather it be him, not Kasper, who was greeted with disdain or disgust. He could take it. He wasn't sure Kasper could. "You... He... You mean... Kasper?" Logan nodded, finishing Adam's thought. "Likes to submit. And, fuck, if he doesn't do it well, too. I've been in the community for a while, and Kasper has a natural potential that doesn't come around very often." Adam was shocked. Amazingly shocked, and he stared at Kasper across the yard. "Well, Kasper always had to be the best at whatever he did." He smiled faintly. "I just want him happy, Logan, and I don't care if that means he dresses up like the Jolly Green Giant and bangs midgets. I love him as he is, whatever that may be." Logan nearly choked on his mouthful of steak, and he supposed it was Adam's small revenge. Recovering, he laughed, "I highly doubt there will be green body paint involved." His relief, though, was nearly palpable as he looked at Adam. "I'm... glad that you're okay with it. It'll help his confidence

to know that. Once I get him to stop thinking, I think he really does enjoy himself. It's when he starts to over-analyze that the shame sets in." Adam smiled, eating quietly for a little while. "After we made love the first time, he cried for two hours, asking me what his father would think." His eyes returned to Logan. "I'm pretty sure, when he's done with you, he goes home and cries, asking himself what his father is thinking of him now. It's why he called Jon, I'm almost certain. Jon is normal. So normal as to be boring. Jon is very much like James." Thinking about that, Logan finished his plate and set it aside with a smile, taking the moment to compliment his host. "That was an amazing steak, Adam, the best I've ever had." Sitting back, he sipped his beer and watched Kasper with his friends. "I'll need to be careful. I need to explain everything to him fully before we continue," he noted, speaking mostly to himself. "You're very welcome." Adam finished his beer. "Anytime you want to talk, call me, okay?" Logan grinned, relieved to have an unexpected friend in Adam. "I will, boss."

Chapter Ten Logan sat a bit awkwardly in his seat at Kasper's office. It seemed strange, coming to the clinic again after being with Kasper at the barbecue just days before. There was little he had done in the intervening time that was out of the ordinary. His mind had been preoccupied with Kasper, as always, though his thoughts now included those surrounding the information Adam had given him, background that Kasper had never offered and he hadn't known he was so eager to learn. Monotonous tasks like doing his laundry had become times of reflection and fantasy, especially when he went to put his clothes away in his closet, where he also stored the tools of his dominance. Dear God, all the delicious things he thought to do to Kasper when he saw all the toys in his closet! He had no problem with inviting Kasper over, but was the man ready for something more than the basic humiliation he had been integrating into their fucking? As he looked over at Kasper, he wasn't sure. The only thing he was sure about was that Kasper looked agitated. Kasper stared at his notebook, the one filled with notes about Logan, the one he'd been writing in for months. He swallowed, unwilling or unable to lift his eyes. "How has the intervening time between our last appointment been, Logan?" "Uneventful, really," Logan said dismissively. "I did my usual chores and tried to keep my head on straight. I've... thought about you a lot since the barbecue." A muscle twitched near Kasper's eye. "Were you able to keep your head on straight?" "Not much more than usual," Logan admitted, a hint of a smile curving his lips. "Even with the swimming I've done, I still masturbate a lot to thoughts of you in chains." "Logan," he warned. "Or wearing hog-tie restraints, your back and ass littered with red streaks left by my favorite flogger," Logan added, unable to stop himself. Anger and darkness clouded Kasper's eyes as he stared at Logan with a frown. "It's disgusting, how much I want you to humiliate and fuck me." "No, it isn't." "You're a bit biased, aren't you?" Kasper sneered. Logan raised an eyebrow at that. "So are you." Kasper exploded, all his rage pouring out of him in one swift movement. He stood up from his desk and angrily swept the papers, books, and pens from the surface, screaming at Logan. "I am not!" Logan managed not to jump up from his seat at the sudden outburst, but the muscles in his neck and arms twitched in his surprise. Controlling himself, he kept his voice calm, saying the words he was sure Kasper didn't want to hear. "You are." Kasper panted, his hands on the desk. "Get out, Logan. This, whatever the hell it is, is over. I'm... I'm... I can't do this!" he nearly sobbed. "I can't be your slave and your doctor! I-I can't, Logan."

He fell back heavily into his chair. "I want to help you, but twice a week... twice a week I crawl for you. I beg you. I do anything you tell me to." Kasper closed his eyes as his cheeks colored with his shame. "This has to end." Swallowing thickly, Logan concluded that he had found the answer to his question. "Come to my apartment, then," he blurted out, inwardly cursing himself for not using a bit more tact once the words were past his lips. Looking up with burning eyes, Kasper shook his head. "What?" It was strange, the way nervousness suddenly crept up on him, an illogical anticipation of rejection. He chose his words a bit more carefully. "Would you like to come back with me to my apartment? We could grab a quick bite on the way..." Kasper closed his eyes and hung his head. "Fine. But you can't come back here after this. I meant what I said; I can't be both to you. I can't, Logan, it's killing me." Part of Logan had expected that, and he nodded as he stood and approached Kasper. "All right," he agreed softly. Sighing, Kasper stood up, ignoring the mess he had made. He grabbed his keys and his coat. "Let's go," he muttered. Throwing the strap of his bag over his shoulder hastily, Logan met Kasper at the door and kissed him passionately before they could cross the threshold. He gave a lingering caress to Kasper's cheek and ran his fingers through the blond's hair, pulling back with a grin. "One last time," he explained before stepping out of the door. "I keep passing by a place that sells pitas and wraps when I take the bus to get here. We could grab something from there, and then head to my place." Kasper turned out the light and led Logan through the lobby, also shutting off the lights there before locking the door after them. "Where... do you live?" he dared to ask, walking toward his car. "Washington and West," Logan said quietly. "It's downtown." Kasper unlocked his Lexus and slid inside the immaculate interior, slamming the door and strapping himself in. Though he had seen the car in the parking spaces right outside the office on every visit in the past, Logan was amazed by the simple fact that Kasper owned such a beautiful vehicle and kept it in such meticulous condition. He put his bag in the back seat before settling into the passenger seat, his own seatbelt soon clicking into place. Kasper engaged the car and pulled out of his parking space. The nervousness could be felt in the air, and silence hung as thick as fog. It was impossible not to take note of the strained hush, but he didn't immediately try to ease the tension, hoping it would dissipate as they drove. Once they had stopped and picked up their supper from the shop he'd mentioned, however, he couldn't stand the continuing silence while they took the turnpike toward his apartment. "You're really nervous. I can tell. Don't worry about it so much. I promise I won't let any thugs jump you." He reached over and placed his hand atop Kasper's on the center console, risking the sudden contact. Kasper glanced at Logan with an anxious half-smile. "It's not thugs I'm worried about." "What are you worried about?" Logan asked in his most genuine voice, trying to put Kasper at ease. "What this means for us." Kasper pulled up to the apartment building, and he stared out the window at it. "I'm worried about how much I want this." "It means we both get exactly what we want," Logan all but purred as he reached behind the seat and grabbed his bag again. "Don't worry, Kasper. Nothing up in my apartment will bite unless you want it to." Kasper laughed, the sound nervous and sharp in the enclosed space of the car. "I'm no safer up there than I am down here."

"Then we might as well get our asses up there and eat," Logan reasoned, nudging Kasper before getting out of the car. Kasper's eyes glittered with an almost predatory light as Logan glanced through the window and motioned him out, waving their take-out bag like a pendulum that would hypnotize him from the car. "This is not wise," Kasper whispered to himself. He unbuckled his safety belt and stepped from the car, the night air cool on his overheated face. He locked the car and followed Logan, feeling both eager and absolutely petrified. "How long have you... uh... lived here?" he asked, looking around at the neighborhood. It was a lot rougher here than where he'd chosen to live, and it told him a lot about Logan's character. Probably more than all their sessions combined, but he had to shake himself of those thoughts. Logan, from this moment on, was not his patient. Logan led him around the corner and into an alley. "About three years. It's a miracle I managed to keep the apartment this long without real steady work, but at least that's all taken care of now." Logan flashed him a smile and let them both inside. "The elevator's busted, so I hope you don't mind a little exercise up to the fourth floor." Kasper grinned at that. "I never mind exercise. I make sure to get in an hour each evening before I get ready for bed. Helps keep the mind quiet." Logan snorted. "Funny. Swimming hasn't been the magic fix for me." Logan led the way up the stairs with practiced ease, even with the food and his bag weighing him down. Kasper couldn't help but keep his eyes glued to Logan's ass as he followed the other man up the stairs. "I suppose it depends on what you're trying to fix." Pausing as they reached the landing of the fourth floor, Logan dug his keys from his shoulder bag. "What're you trying to fix?" Kasper flushed. "I do it to relieve tension." "Uh-huh," Logan muttered, giving him a skeptical look up and down. "Well, you are tense. I'll give you that." They continued down a hallway, and Logan slipped his key into the lock of 4B. "It's a bit messy inside. I wasn't exactly planning for this." "You don't seem to plan for much," Kasper observed, following Logan into the studio apartment. His eyes swept the space and only one word came to mind. Cramped. It was small. Terribly small. And cluttered. Could someone Logan's age have actually had time to accumulate clutter? His thoughts must have shown on his face, because Logan chuckled, a little embarrassed. "I warned you. Have a seat at the bar, and you can start eating while I... tidy up a bit." "I don't mean to insult you. I've just not been in a place..." Well, in a place this small since his college days. No other word came to mind, and he felt his face heat as he moved to the bar. "In a place that reeks of the struggling college student," Logan finished with a chuckle, snagging clean plates and putting their wraps on them. "Yeah, I know. After the barbeque, I kind of figured. It's small, but it's mine. Good closet space, no bugs." Logan handed their plates through the kitchen to the bar, and then busied himself around the main room. Kasper set to putting their food out, feeling strangely out of place. He'd not spent all that much time with those who were not from his sort of background. It hadn't been intentional, but the circles he ran in, they didn't usually welcome those who couldn't pick up a $300 dinner tab at a nice restaurant in town. "I think it was a friend of Adam's. I had to pick him up from there during our sophomore year. It was a box of a place, but the guy was comfortable." Logan collected random articles of clothing and stuffed them all into a hamper in the corner. "I could use a little more leg room, but I still have time on my lease here, and they fee the fuck out of you if you cut out early."

"Do you intend to move when your lease is up?" Kasper asked, sliding onto the bar stool. Logan hummed thoughtfully, scooping the contents of his desktop into a drawer. "I'm not sure. I'll have to see what I've saved up in a few months, budget and stuff." Finished cleaning, Logan joined him at the bar with a smile and gladly took his wrap. Kasper raised an eyebrow. "You call stuffing all your things into drawers 'tidying up'?" he asked, a smile tugging at his lips. "Hey. It works for now. I'm not going to take out the toothbrush and bleach and scrub the place top to bottom for the next two hours while you wait." Logan grinned and took a large bite of his wrap. "Do you have bleach in this place?" Kasper teased back, feeling a little more at ease as they dug into their food. Logan laughed. "I'll have you know the bathroom's spotless." "Is it? I wonder by what miracle that happened." It was sort of homey, sitting there with Logan, eating and offering up light-hearted barbs. "Before you gave me that trazodone, the whole place was spotless, asshole," Logan quipped between bites. Kasper laughed. It felt damned good to laugh, and he found the tension in his shoulders easing just a little. "And now you manage a good night's sleep, right?" Logan smirked. "The nights I don't wake up having to jack off, yeah." A flush stole over Kasper's cheeks. "Many people do that. Orgasm is an incredible stress reliever." "You should try it sometime, if you don't already." Kasper's eyes darted up to Logan. "Masturbating?" Logan simply nodded, watching him with eyes that he was sure missed nothing. Kasper swore his cheeks could become no redder. "I am human, Logan. I masturbate, the same as ninety-nine percent of humanity." "Glad to hear you aren't in the other one percent." There was a smugness in Logan's tone, a confidence that told Kasper that Logan knew he was featured in those private thoughts, those moments when he would give in and touch himself. "I'm not asexual, as you have, undoubtedly, noticed." "You wouldn't be here now if you were," Logan noted, voraciously polishing off the rest of his wrap. Kasper managed to eat half his meal, sipping periodically on the diet soda he'd bought with it. He couldn't stop flushing under Logan's very knowing gaze, and the butterflies were back in his stomach. "What now?" he murmured. "Normally, I'd say we wait a half-hour, but I'm getting hard just thinking about it and watching you squirm in your seat." Logan's eyes raked over him with undisguised lust now. "I'll show you my closet first, and then we'll see what inspires us." "We need inspiration now?" Kasper's laugh was tight, strained. "We seemed to be doing just fine all on our own." "Oh, trust me. I could come up with dozens of scenes for you. I just want to see what makes you hot." Logan grabbed Kasper's hand and pulled him off the bar stool and across the short distance to the closet. Kasper's heart began to race, and he was sure Logan could feel his pulse pounding his hand. He swallowed against the sudden dryness of his throat. "What we've done so... so far..." "It's just the tip of the iceberg, Kasper," Logan grinned, opening the door of his walk-in closet and turning on the light.

Stepping into the closet, Kasper's heart fluttered at what was presented to him. Whips, canes, cuffs, manacles, all manner of phalluses, and some things he couldn't remotely recognize. His voice was breathy when he managed, "I can see why you're still stuck in a shoebox apartment." Logan smirked, and Kasper could feel those eyes on him as he took a step inside the trove of erotic devices. "Have to find a neighborhood where no one cares if they hear a few screams through the walls." Kasper let out a shaky breath. "You planning on making me scream tonight?" "Yeah, I am," Logan whispered into his ear, standing so close behind him that he could feel the man's body heat. "And I know what I'll do now, just based on what's drawn your attention in here." A shiver ran the length of Kasper's spine, and his cock hardened beneath the fabric of his slacks. "Oh? And what's drawn my attention?" "The floggers and the plugs, for starters," Logan chuckled. "Especially the larger plugs. It's a bit early to use the cock jewelry, but you're curious, and I like that. We'll get to sounds and the cane before you know it." Kasper thought he'd simply come in his slacks then and there, his eyes falling to one of the plugs sitting atop a dresser in the closet. Wide and somewhat longer than the other, pitch black and shiny, it made his ass literally twitch. He moaned softly, closing his eyes as he felt too hot in his clothing, but the image of the plug was burned into his mind. Logan's body finally pressed against his, and he felt the man's hands follow the waistline of his slacks to the front. His belt was slowly unbuckled and removed, and he let out a shuddering breath. Logan didn't have to say a word to get him out of the closet. Instead, he was pulled into the main room by his own belt. He turned around in the circle of the belt and Logan's arms, and the lust-darkened eyes that stared through him froze him in place. "Your safewords are simple: banana to slow, apple to stop completely. Now strip and get on the bed." Kasper swallowed thickly, his head feeling light. He'd thought there would be more to it. A dipping of his toes into the waters, but Logan just shoved him in. It was as intoxicating as it was terrifying. He stepped away from Logan, but the dark eyes followed his every move. Kasper was not ashamed of his body, and it wasn't like Logan hadn't had his chance to use it thoroughly already, so he quickly undressed. He folded each article of clothing and set it aside, and when he was naked, he climbed atop the bed. Among the mussed sheets, he knelt, turning his eyes expectantly to Logan. His cock bobbed wetly, his cheeks and chest flushed with anticipation and need. God help him, he wanted this, whatever it was. "Fuck, you're hot, kneeling there, waiting for me to fill you, to hurt you, to make you scream for me." Logan continued to stare as he stripped off his shirt and jeans and tossed them to the laundry basket in the corner. He kept his underwear on, but the thin layer of cotton did nothing to hide just how aroused Logan was already. Kasper found himself looking away from Logan, a slight sense of shame filling him. Yes, he did want Logan to hurt him. He wanted to scream for the man, writhe in agony as he came. It was still too new, too strange for him to fully comprehend yet. His cock twitched with his heartbeat, a bead of fluid gathering in the tip. "I... don't know what to do," he admitted. "That hasn't stopped you before," Logan pointed out, stepping up to the edge of the bed. He took Kasper's chin in his hand with a wicked smile. "Just do what I tell you. Always answer my questions. Don't worry about staying silent. Enjoy what I do to you, and if you want me to stop, you know your safewords." With that, Logan pulled him into a deep kiss.

It wasn't like their other kisses. The others had always had an edge of command to them, but Kasper had felt free to refuse. This time, he felt refusal was absolutely unacceptable. Not that he'd refused Logan before, and he had the sure, sinking sensation he'd not refuse him in the future, either. For better or worse, he had been captured by Logan, and there was no escaping for him now. Kasper sank into the kiss, moaning loudly as Logan's tongue moved through his mouth. There was no secret to be found in his kiss now. Logan had long ago exposed every weakness of his in the endless hours of kissing they would engage in on the sofa in his office. It didn't take much before Kasper was shaking on his knees, his hands reaching for Logan. He wanted to pull Logan down on top of him, press their bodies together, and kiss until they both came against one another. Logan had a different plan, though, and the instant his hands touched Logan's skin, Logan pulled back from him. When Kasper emitted a soft, protesting moan, Logan just chuckled. "Stay on your knees, eyes on the far wall, your hands at your sides. Don't move from that position until I tell you." He watched as Logan gave him another lingering look, and then walked into the closet again, leaving him to stare at the far wall and wait. Alone, Kasper's heart raced. His eyes glued to the wall, his hands at his sides, he waited. And he didn't wait patiently. His hands twitched, his ears rang with every little sound that was emitted from the closet, and his cock was desperate to be stroked. He wanted to lie back, surrounded by Logan's scent, and make himself come. Anything to relieve the ache between his legs. It was like he was nineteen again, discovering himself and sex, insatiable for any and all contact. But he wasn't nineteen. He was almost forty. He was an established psychologist in a thriving practice with a decent sexual history in his past. All of that was in jeopardy because he was kneeling on a patient's bed, hard and ready for anything Logan was willing to offer. What the hell was he doing? And why the hell couldn't he bring himself to touch his own cock? He didn't even realize he was panting, trembling, by the time Logan stepped out of the closet and slowly stalked back to the bedside. Kasper was good, though. His eyes never wavered from the spot he'd chosen on the wall, and as soon as Logan was within reach again, the doubts slowly slid into the quiet eaves of his mind. "Perfect, Kasper." Logan purred the compliment as he climbed onto the bed and set down his chosen items. Kasper didn't dare look down to see what Logan had in store for him, and he moaned when his obedience was rewarded. Logan's hands swept over his torso, tracing the lines of his back slowly, from his shoulders all the way down to his upper thighs. His eyes slid closed. He couldn't help it. The broad, warm hands were determined in their learning of his body. This was time Logan had never spent on him. Touching. Stroking. Making his body ache in a slow, sweet way. It was a prelude, nothing more, and Kasper knew this. Fingers pinched and plucked at his nipples, drawing a sharp cry from him. As Logan rolled them between his thumb and index finger, adding more and more pressure, Kasper thought he'd pass out. "Don't pant," Logan ordered. "I don't need you unconscious before I've had my fun." Kasper groaned, shuddering as he forced himself to breathe deeply. Logan's fingers weren't helping, continuing to torment his nipples as they were. It was difficult, but the dizziness passed, and without thought, he pressed his chest more eagerly into Logan's hands, his moans and soft cries gaining in volume. Logan moved around the bed a bit, humming his pleasure, and his hands moved lower, thumbs stroking his hips. They moved on quickly, and he was surprised when they bypassed his cock completely, moving lower to his sac. He was shamelessly fondled, and even the soft touches pulled a deep moan from him. "You like me touching here, don't you?" Logan asked, smirking as he gripped tightly and tugged at him.

Kasper let loose a full-throated scream, shuddering almost violently on the bed. His hands fisted at his sides, and he couldn't help but pant. Pleasure moved hotly through him, the sharp ache of his balls all-encompassing for a long moment. "Yes!" he gasped, remembering he was to answer all of Logan's questions. "Good," Logan chuckled, "because I have the perfect thing for you. God, Kasper, there are so many things I'll show you." Those warm hands left his sac and continued down his thighs, teasing at the backs of his knees. Logan even tested to see if he was ticklish on the soles of his feet before moving beyond his line of vision again, hopping off the bed to get something else from the closet. He was only gone a couple seconds, and when he returned, he issued another order. "Lace your hands behind your back. Stick your chest out." Kasper immediately assumed the position Logan ordered, his chest puffed out. His nipples already ached from Logan's attentions, and now he couldn't hide how red and tight they were. He was on display, and Logan's eyes took in every inch of his body, the gaze as demanding as Logan's touch. He wanted to please Logan. He wanted to do anything to gain even another brief moment of praise from his lover, to make Logan's eyes sparkle with pride as they had just a few moments earlier. Logan flicked his right nipple and, before he even had the chance to moan, caught it in a small clamp, which he tightened slowly. "Tell me when it hurts." It took only a few seconds before Kasper was squirming where he knelt, moaning out, "It hurts." With those words, he felt a wave of shame washed over him. He was inadequate, because Logan couldn't possibly have tightened the damned things that much. "Perfect, Kasper," Logan encouraged, leaning forward to kiss him with astonishing tenderness. "Keep breathing. Take a nice deep breath, and let it out slowly" Kasper did as he was told, and when he exhaled, he felt a weight placed on the other end of the clamp, pulling at his nipple. The ache was instantly more intense, and his nails dug into his palms. His trembling made the weight sway some, and he all but whimpered as his other nipple was subjected to the same treatment. These were things he'd never dreamed of. They hadn't been part of his carefully cultivated sexual encounters. The kinkiest he'd ever gotten was with Adam in college, being spanked as he was fucked. It hadn't even been much of a spanking, as he looked back on it now. It paled in comparison to this, to the heat and pain at his chest. It was just the beginning, though, and his skin pricked at the idea of what Logan could do to him. Flogging? Spanking? Would he finally be filled by the other man? He'd never wanted to have a cock in him as much as he did Logan's. It had been the unrelenting fantasy since that first, intense encounter in his office. Kasper hadn't thought it would all lead to this, this moment where he'd finally be given everything his mind couldn't conjure, but he was thankful it had come. After months of dancing around it, they were at the threshold of something great. And Kasper closed his eyes and stepped over that edge, relaxing in his posture a little. His breathing evened out, and the constant pull at his chest became exquisite torture. He moaned, his cock twitching as the weights shifted a little with the sound. "You're beautiful like this," Logan whispered, nipping his lower lip as he flicked one of the weights. "Onto your hands and knees. I want your knees about shoulder-width apart. You can bend your elbows, but I don't want to see those weights ever hitting the bed, got it?" On his hands and knees? That would make the weights pull more. He glanced at Logan, unsure for a moment. "Now," Logan snapped, his hand landing harshly on Kasper's buttock.

Kasper cried out and jerked forward, landing on his hands, the weights swinging, biting viciously into his nipples. Logan slapped the insides of his thighs, and he quickly pulled them open until Logan gave a grunt of approval. Every shift of his body made the weights pull, and he gripped the sheets, endeavoring not to pant. He felt the bed shift as Logan moved behind him, and his pulse sped when Logan's fingertips trailed down his ass and circled his opening. "How badly do you want to be filled, Kasper?" Cheeks burning, Kasper shook his head, unable to force words past his lips. "Answer me," Logan growled, landing another harsh smack on his upturned backside. Kasper cried out, the pain sharp and short lived. He bowed his head, closed his eyes, and whispered, "Please... please, Logan, I just... want to be filled..." By anything, everything, by Logan. So long as, in the end, he finally knew what Logan felt like, he'd do anything now. His vicious need to be penetrated shocked him, but he put that aside, choosing to dissect it when he wasn't hard, aching, and incredibly embarrassed by his own need. "That's better," Logan murmured. He must have said something right, because two of Logan's fingers promptly slid inside him, pulling a groan from him as he shuddered. "I like hearing how much you want it. I know you want to be stretched wide, feel your muscles ache as you're filled." A third finger quickly joined the first two. "Logan!" Kasper gasped. He'd never had three fingers inside him, spreading him like that, and he squirmed on the bed. Kasper couldn't figure out if he wanted to push back or pull away, and a whimper shamefully slipped from him. Logan never relented, though, simply pushing his fingers deeper, spreading them wider. Then, just as Kasper was beginning to adjust to the penetration, the fingers disappeared. His heart pounded in his ears, and then something cool, large, and slick pressed against him. He tensed instinctively against it. "You were staring at it, and now you'll take it inside," Logan purred, and he suddenly knew exactly which plug was slowly stretching him open. Kasper moaned, his hands clenching in the bedsheets. It was wide. It felt even wider than it had looked. Soon, he was panting, moaning almost non-stop while rocking back and forth, unconsciously working that plug inside him. His only saving grace was that Logan didn't force his body to move faster than it did at accepting the damned thing. Slowly, with Logan's hand stroking his lower back, Kasper worked the plug deeper. The flare was where he stalled, though, groaning as he stopped trying to accept it any further. It was too large, he reasoned, only half-heartedly moving on the plug. Logan would simply have to accept this was as much as he could give, even if that voice in the back of his mind told him he wasn't trying his best. "Kasper," Logan warned, exerting a steady pressure behind the plug. "You can take it, and you will. Never give a half-assed effort." Logan reached between his legs and gave a harsh tug to his sac. Kasper shouted, his toes curling as pain radiated briefly through his body. Shame filled him, and he squeezed his eyes shut, pushing backward. Logan was right. He would take it inside. He would love it, and he would also make Logan proud of him, he just knew it. His breath caught as, again, his body resisted, and then the plug crested, sliding inside him, filling him, and Kasper let loose an uneven moan. Logan echoed that moan behind him, and with the base of the plug settled against his backside, Logan's hands massaged his ass soothingly. "Fuck yeah. Feel that plug filling you up. Such a pretty slut, wanting it thick and deep." The words caused embarrassment to rise in him, and he kept his face buried against the bed. It didn't matter, though. He was hard as a fucking rock, and Logan's words—no matter how humiliating

—made his body shiver with need. He clenched his muscles around the plug, and the fullness seemed to increase exponentially. "Yes," he whispered, his only verbal acknowledgment of Logan's words and his own enjoyment. An approving hum rumbled out of Logan, and he felt his lover shift again before broad strips of leather impacted lightly with the skin of his backside and lower back. There wasn't any sting behind the touch, but the sound made him jump under the flogger. By God, it was really about to happen. Logan was going to flog him. His heart raced, and he became utterly still, waiting. Those first few strikes of the flogger held no bite, but gradually, the soft blows gave way to stronger, more demanding strokes. It was more the sound than anything else that helped Kasper. He concentrated on the sound of the leather striking his skin, the gentle thwack that soon rang in his ears as sharp snapping. Each snap of the leather left behind a brief sting, something felt for only a few moments before it faded into warmth. It was unlike anything he'd experienced, and he knew he wanted to experience it again. It was amazing, a transforming moment as he swayed with Logan's blows, his ass stuffed with a plug, his nipples aching from the clamps, and his cock throbbing powerfully with his own pulse. He danced for Logan, moaning, crying out when the thongs of the flogger kissed his balls, and Kasper knew deep in his soul this was where he was supposed to be. This was what he'd been searching for his entire life. It was exciting, moving, and fulfilling in a way he still couldn't understand, but understanding could come later. Right now, all he wanted was to come, to hug Logan inside his body and scream his release to the ceiling. The heat of his ass turned into a stinging, sharper burn when Logan moved behind him. Suddenly, he was being struck by the tips of those leather straps, and the gentle warming turned into an intense, sharp pain that grew just as gradually as the warmth had. Kasper shifted on his knees, moving with the lashes, crying out as more strength was added, and the plug moved with him, driving him absolutely insane. What Kasper assumed was a wayward strike to his balls made him throw his head back and cry out, trembling as his cock jerked. He thought he was going to come, and when the second blow landed in almost the exact same place, he was pretty sure it was an inevitability. A third well-aimed strike brought him to the very edge, and just when he thought a fourth would send him into a screaming orgasm, Logan backed off, lightening the blows. He was left dangling near the edge. The way Logan kept him there, denying his release, was a new and overwhelming torture all its own. Though his backside and balls throbbed and burned, he still pushed his ass upward trying to get more out of the dwindling strikes. "So fucking beautiful," Logan chuckled, his voice a bit rough from exertion and lust. "So natural. You're meant for this." The leather straps trailed over Kasper's flushed skin, and the light touch seemed just as intense as the hard strikes had been. Logan's voice moved closer, the man's breath ghosting over his backside. "Do you want me inside you?" "Yes," Kasper panted. "Please, please, Logan, yes... inside... you." He wanted to know what Logan felt like moving inside him, hands on his body, his flesh sore and abused. "Please!" He was begging shamelessly, and he didn't care. Not now, not yet. He heard the flogger fwap down to the floor, and a moment later, Logan pulled his ass cheeks apart and took hold of the plug. Kisses whispered across his ass as Logan gently but insistently pulled at the plug. It was intensely moving, those gentle touches, and Kasper almost whimpered. "Breathe," Logan instructed. "Relax on the exhale." Kasper's body didn't want to give the plug up, but he did his best. The quiet, insistent tone Logan used helped. In moments, the plug slipped free of him, and he moaned, low and long. "Logan."

"Yes," Logan moaned with him. "Just like that." He heard some shuffling, but it was mere seconds before Logan's cock was pressed against his ass, the man's hips and thighs rubbing against his smarting skin. "Don't come 'til I say so." With that command, Logan slid home in one swift thrust that sent him lurching forward, the weights swaying at his chest. Every ache was renewed in that one masterful movement, and he cried out as Logan remained there. He was given the chance to savor how Logan filled him, but all Kasper could think about was how much his nipples hurt under the pull of the weighted clamps. It wasn't what he'd imagined. The way Logan fit inside him was perfect, better than he'd fantasized. Just the feel of him, thick and still within him, was enough to keep him dancing on the edge of climax. He thought he would lose his mind, but then Logan began to move. Long, deep, possessive thrusts, each one silently telling Kasper just who he belonged to. Kasper let every sound leave him, from the broken moans to the loud cries, he let Logan know just how he felt. It took every ounce of self-control he possessed not to reach down and jack himself off, but Logan had said at the very beginning he wasn't allowed to touch himself. The order hadn't been rescinded, and he wasn't about to blow his chance at relief by taking liberties now. Logan held his hips tightly, pulling him back into every thrust, and the sounds of their colliding bodies seemed to echo in the small room. Logan's moans mingled with his own, and the thrusts soon became more frantic. One of Logan's hands released his hip, but within seconds, it landed a stinging slap to his ass. It was a sharper pain than the flogger, deeper, and Kasper wanted more. He wanted so much more, but Logan's hand didn't strike again. Instead, it reached forward around his waist. The moment Logan gripped tightly at his neglected cock, he cried out and bit his lip with the effort to keep himself from coming instantly. He wanted to please Logan, needed to please him, but it seemed Logan was determined to make him fail. It wasn't long before Kasper was sobbing, shaking, his restraint fraying. "Do you want to come?" Logan asked through clenched teeth, panting harshly at his back. "Yes!" Kasper barked out desperately. "Come now!" Logan shouted, and that hand around him tightened painfully. Kasper flinched at the command, and the control he'd held on to was shattered. His body bucked once, and then he spilled himself over Logan's demanding hand. It left him breathless, head spinning as Logan continued to fuck him, pushing through his clenching muscles. He sagged against the bed, held up solely by Logan's hands and cock, wrung dry. Logan slammed into him a final time, offering him only a grunt as he shuddered against him, little thrusts drawing it all out just a bit longer. He didn't care. Kasper's mind was strangely quiet, and it was as if everything it had to offer had been scooped out, leaving him empty and exhausted. Eyes closed, his whole body pliant and limp, he waited for Logan to pull out. Logan's body eventually stilled against his, and the withdrawal was slow and steady. The loss of Logan inside only increased the budding sensation of emptiness. Three fingers slid back inside him, moving gently in and out as Logan pulled off the condom he'd used and threw it into the nearby waste basket. "You all right down there?" Kasper swallowed, nodding against the mattress. "Yes," he said, voice rough. He didn't know if more was expected, or if Logan was through with him, and so he remained as he was, silent and open for his lover. Logan hummed contentedly, kissing his ass and stroking comfortingly up and down his spine. It was something Kasper hadn't expected. The tenderness threw him off. "Good. I'll help you onto your side." The fingers left him one at a time, and then Logan took hold of his hips with steady, warm hands. His body felt stiff, and the weights swayed one last time as he was eased down onto his side.

Logan flopped down next to him, and when he opened his eyes, the smile that greeted him nearly stole his breath away. Logan was beaming at him. Confusion stole through him, and he drew his fingertips along Logan's lips. "Why are you looking at me like that?" he murmured, wincing when the movement of his hand made his nipple pull in the clamp. "Because you did such an amazing job. Fucking amazing," Logan murmured against his fingertips. "You're such a natural, and you've got so much potential. I'm gonna love teaching you everything I know." If his cheeks weren't already flushed from coming, they'd have blushed at the compliments. It caused pride, intense and wonderful, to well up inside him. Kasper groaned as he rolled onto his back, his ass aching pleasantly. "A natural, hmm?" Logan leaned up onto his side. "Oh, yeah. I said it before at the club, and I mean it even more now. We'll go through every toy in my closet. I'll find so many new ways to make you scream. You have no idea." Logan chuckled and dipped down, pressing a kiss to one of his entrapped nipples. "Example... It always hurts the sweetest when they come off." Kasper shivered, his nipple aching under Logan's lips. "Hurts the sweetest?" he asks breathlessly. Logan simply smirked up at him and swiftly unfastened the clamp, immediately sucking his nipple between warm lips. The pain was absolute. Kasper actually screamed as he squirmed beneath Logan, his hands twisting in the sheets. He was sobbing by the time Logan moved to the other nipple, and the pain was renewed as the second clamp released him. Tears hovered in his eyes as he tried to catch his breath, Logan's warm mouth moving back forth between his sore nipples easing some of the worst of the ache. "God..." "You like it?" Logan purred, curling his tongue around one nipple, and then flicking his tongue across the other. Kasper moaned, his eyes fluttering. "Yes." He finally closed his eyes and simply basked in Logan's attention. "Yes." Logan chuckled and kissed his way up to Kasper's lips. "I thought you would." Combing fingers through his hair, Logan drew him into a deep, slow kiss, lazily taking his fill before murmuring, "I have lotion that'll help your ass, and then we can crash." Kasper let out a soft breath and nodded. "Yeah, I feel... well, not just tired but sort of hollowed out. As stupid as it sounds, I almost want to curl up and have a good cry." "That's completely normal. Don't stop yourself. A good scene'll bring a lot up to the surface. If you need to cry, then just let it happen. I won't think any less of you. Hell, you shouldn't think less of you." Logan smiled as he sat up. "I'll get that lotion." Left alone for a moment, Kasper did feel the desire to tear up, to sob into a pillow, but he swallowed it back. Logan might say he wouldn't think less of him, but he'd been studying people long enough to know unconscious impressions can and will be made. He took deep, calming breaths, eyes closed, and tried to center himself. Weeping in Logan's arms was not how he'd envisioned the end of his first session with the man, and so he tried to keep that inside. Logan was back a minute later, and he obediently rolled onto his stomach when Logan gestured. Those warm hands soothed up and down his spine again, and he moaned softly when the cool lotion was gently massaged into his abused backside. "I... liked when you used your hand," Kasper mumbled against the bed. "It felt better than the flogger."

"Mmm," Logan hummed, obviously pleased. "It's a bit sharper that way. I like using my hands when possible. It's more personal and, I dunno, just better on my end. Floggers can be great, covering a broad area all at once, but there's nothing like a good, old-fashioned spanking." Kasper flushed at that. "I mean, I did enjoy that... I enjoyed it a lot more than I... I thought I would, but I liked your hand better." He wet his lips and glanced over his shoulder at Logan. "Next time, maybe?" he asked. Logan's broad smile made something hot and pleasant unfurl low in his body. "Definitely," Logan agreed. "Good." He laid his head down across his folded arms and proceeded to doze there until Logan roused him. "Come up here. We'll go to sleep." Logan grinned. "Because you did so well tonight, I'll even make you breakfast in the morning." Stiffly, slowly, Kasper moved up to the head of the bed and slid under the sheet and blankets with Logan. "You can cook?" Logan wrapped his arms around Kasper and pulled him close. Kasper rather liked how safe it felt to be held against Logan. "How hard can it be?" "God help us all," Kasper laughed.

Chapter Eleven The sex was great. There was no denying that, and Kasper didn't attempt to. They'd moved from doctor and patient, to master and submissive, lovers, in three short weeks. Kasper was happy about it. He didn't feel like he was being torn in half any longer. Actually, he felt like he was right where he belonged. From the intense sessions where Logan tested every boundary he might possess, to the occasional lovemaking that made him feel like the center of Logan's world, Kasper was pretty damned content. Of course, contentment, he found, tended to breed boredom in most creatures. There were few boundaries Logan had found with him. They didn't mess with any bodily fluid other than come. For the time being, Kasper didn't want his breathing cut off, which Logan said was simply a soft limit, one that could be tested over time. That was fine with Kasper, but he had put his foot down on things that should be in the toilet. Logan had laughed, agreeing whole-heartedly. Tonight was about testing yet another of those soft limits Kasper wasn't sure about. Tonight, Logan was taking him to Metronyx to play. He would be on display for anyone in the club who had the rights to the downstairs level of the building. While the limited audience should have soothed most of Kasper's anxiety, it didn't. He'd never been sexual with someone in a public venue, as he didn't count the handjobs in the shadows of the club, and exhibitionism had not been a part of his fantasies until Logan had begun weaving such things into their sessions. Oh, the pride he felt when Logan would stop in the middle of a paddling, a hand spread wide over his burning ass, and Logan would whisper to him how beautiful he was. How he wanted to show Kasper off, his submission, his beauty, his grace. In the end, Kasper just couldn't say no, and two nights ago, bent over Logan's knee, his backside nothing but a knot of hot pain and his groin aching for release, he'd agreed. Kasper would go to the club for two hours, in which time he would do as he was told. That was the compromise they'd come to in the aftermath of his agreement. Two hours. Kasper felt he could manage that. At least, at the time he thought he could. Now that they were in the car, dressed to impress, he wasn't so sure. "You look like you'd rather jump out the driver's side on the turnpike than actually find a parking spot," Logan noted from the passenger seat, flashing him a smirk. Kasper swallowed thickly and glanced at Logan. "I'm just not sure about this now that we're... here." "You're going to do fine," Logan tried to reassure him, twining their fingers over the center console. "Trust me. You'll like what I have planned." "What is it you have planned?" Kasper asked, trying to pull from Logan what his lover had kept a careful secret.

"You'll find out when you're inside and at my mercy, nude and bound in front of anyone who wishes to watch," Logan all but purred. Kasper flushed deeply and stared intently at the road. "That's what I was afraid of." "Don't be afraid. I won't let any harm come to you." Logan's voice was the most adamant he had ever heard it. "I know you won't." Kasper squeezed Logan's hand. "It's vulnerable, being... stripped and put before an audience." "Yeah," Logan admitted, "but they'll just see what I've seen every night we've been together in the last three weeks. You're gonna knock their socks off." Logan perked up a moment later and pointed out the window. "There! Finally a spot opening up. Show time." Kasper almost thought to ignore the space and drive right the hell back to Logan's apartment, but the excitement in Logan was undeniable. He swallowed back his fear and snatched the parking spot. After shutting off the car, he sat in his seat listening to the engine cool. Kasper swore he was going to be sick. Logan's lips were suddenly on his, and his gasp of surprise gave Logan the opportunity to thrust his tongue deep into his mouth. His whole body was tense, but the longer Logan kissed him, the more his tension seemed to ease. When Logan pulled back, he was breathless, a state Logan took advantage of. "Think of no one but me. If you get scared, think of pleasing me. If that doesn't help, you know your safewords." Logan smirked. "Now get out of the damn car." Half-hard in the tight leather pants Logan had squeezed him into, Kasper nodded dumbly. Please Logan. All he had to do was please Logan, and that was easy. It made him feel amazing to earn Logan's praise, to see his actions spark the pride in the deep blue eyes. Pleasing Logan he could do, no matter the situation. Kasper stepped out of the car and shut the door, setting the alarm and locking it up. He handed the keys to Logan and followed his lover obediently to the door of the club. His heart was soon pounding in time with the beat of music he could hear through the walls of the club, and he focused on that instead of whatever Logan said to the young man watching the door. Logan grinned at him, took his hand, and pulled him through the doors. The music surrounded them, and Logan led him into the throng of dancing bodies. The entrance to the VIP basement was on the other side of the dance floor. Logan didn't seem to mind taking his time to get there, groping him occasionally as he danced his way across the room. Dancing had never been something Kasper had been good at. It took a certain rhythm, grace, that he'd never believed he'd possessed. Since becoming Logan's, though, he'd learned he did have grace. It was simply a different sort of grace than those who had been born to dance. He, Kasper had discovered, had been born to serve, and once he'd embraced that, he'd found his rhythm and grace. It allowed him to move easily against Logan, sway with his lover's body to the pounding baseline. He would occasionally lean in to try and snatch a kiss, but Logan wouldn't allow it, pulling away each time. Not only did they dance to the music, but they danced around something much darker, needier. He wanted a kiss, but he'd not earned it, and Logan made that very clear. When they finally reached the other side of the dance floor, Logan flashed his ID to the bouncers at the VIP doors, and they slipped down the stairs. Every step they took seemed to cause another knot to form in his gut, and when they reached the bottom of the stairs and turned the corner, the dizzying scent of sweat and sex assaulted him. Logan led him to an empty section of wall next to a wooden horse, and he felt his mouth go dry with anticipation. He glanced between the horse and Logan and didn't have to wait long for orders.

"Brace yourself against the wall with your hands. Keep your head down and your legs spread. Stay there until I come back. Do you understand?" Kasper wet his lips and nodded. His cheeks burned with embarrassment, but he focused entirely on pleasing Logan and not glancing around the room. He ignored the sounds of leather meeting flesh, of whimpers and cries, and softly spoken words. Kasper turned to the wall and stepped into position, the leather of his pants pulled tight over his groin. He closed his eyes, trying to breathe deeply and keep himself calm. The longer he waited there, the faster his heart beat, and the tighter his damn pants became. Alone, posed, he couldn't shut off his mind or ignore the sounds and scents around him. He could hear a lilting, sweet voice nearby murmuring words of praise which were answered with a pained whimper. His knees went weak with the spike of desire at the images his mind provided to go along with those sounds. It felt like an eternity, but every time he thought about shifting, he immediately talked himself out of it. His efforts were suddenly rewarded when a hand slid between his legs and groped firmly at his leather-encased cock and balls. "Very good," Logan purred into his ear, and he heard a duffel bag plop down onto the floor beside them. "So hard and ready for me. Even just listening makes you hard, my eager little slut." Kasper moaned, his eyes shutting for a moment as he pressed into Logan's hand. It was true. He couldn't deny it, and he hadn't been given permission to speak, so he couldn't even explain it. Instead, he remained as he was, his head spinning with thoughts of pain and lustful abandon. "Turn around and strip," Logan ordered, withdrawing his hand. "I want to see just how hard you've gotten while waiting for me." And the challenge was laid before him. Kasper could either obey or object, ending the night before it had even begun. He glanced at Logan, and all he saw in the gaze was open delight. Logan was excited. Logan was ready, anticipatory, eager. Because of him. That one thought was what brought his hands to the edge of his shirt, pulled it up over his head, and tossed it down beside the duffel bag. He turned to face the room, but his eyes never left Logan's as he toed off his shoes and socks, unfastened his pants and pushed them down his thighs. He was hard, a smear of fluid across the tip of him, and he kicked aside the leather pants and stood before Logan, unaware of anything around them. All he saw, all he cared about, was Logan and his master's pleasure, and now that he knew that without a doubt, it was so much easier to stand in that room of strangers, naked and aroused. Logan watched him, and those dark eyes glittered with approval. Logan's hand strayed down to his own leather pants, stroking at the ridge of his cock in a way that instantly drew Kasper's attention. It was only a momentary distraction, a silent communication of just how much this pleased Logan. A couple seconds later, Logan stepped around him, and warm hands smoothed down his body, teasing every spot that made him shiver. "Hands out in front of you, wrists together," Logan murmured before stepping away and rummaging in the duffel bag. Kasper's head spun, but he obediently put his arms out, wrists pressed together. They'd played a little with bondage in Logan's tiny apartment, but they lacked the necessary equipment to really get into it. Here, the equipment was readily available, and Kasper wanted to experience what he couldn't alone with his lover. Logan took each of his wrists in turn and strapped them into wrist restraints that connected to one another with a ring. The weight of the restraints, the feeling of entrapment, caused the hairs on his arms to rise. He couldn't protect himself with his hands bound. There would be no placing his hands between himself and Logan to shield his body.

"Arms up above your head. Spread your legs more, and don't you dare let your arms drop," Logan warned, an edge to the words. Kasper looked straight ahead, staring out at the room. There were perhaps half a dozen scenes other than theirs happening, all in various stages of completion. He was uninterested in those at the moment, focused intently instead on keeping his arms above his head and spreading his legs wider. The first thing he noticed was how vulnerable his balls were in this position. They hung low, swaying a little as he shifted on his feet, and just the knowledge of their vulnerability made him moan softly, his cock twitch with excitement. He wet his lips, barely seeing the handful of observers who turned away from other scenes to watch the one Logan set up with him. He was new blood with an accomplished master, and Kasper was sure everyone looking on knew it. The first strike of Logan's hand to his sac made him gasp and shudder so harshly that he nearly forgot all about his arms. They wavered above him, and even that movement was punished as Logan growled his name in warning and tugged his aching balls. He cried out, his face flushed with embarrassment. His arms snapped back up into position, and he tensed his shoulders and elbows, determined not to repeat his mistake. When the second slap fell, he was better prepared, and the stinging pain caused pleasure to jolt through him. The pain grew, spread, and sweat bloomed on his face. Just when he thought that Logan would settle in and continue the strikes, they stopped altogether. His arms trembled with the strain of keeping them directly above him, and he had to fight the urge to look down at Logan. There was more rummaging in the bag behind him, and then he felt a leather strap drawn over his ass and balls. Logan handled him carefully, strapping the leather tightly around his sac. He could feel the cold touch of metal on the sides of the restraint, and, without a word, Logan began weighting him. Kasper moaned, eyes closing, as the weights pulled on him. The constant pressure on his sore balls was beautiful agony, and he knew better than to try and hide his face against his arm. Every inch of flesh was hypersensitive, his senses tuned acutely to his own body. He could almost feel the eyes roaming over him, admiring his posture, his well-kept body, his resilience with the weights. His cock was hard, his balls reddened, and his skin flushed. Kasper knew the sight he presented, and his only concern became trying to hear Logan's pride through those who watched. "Yeah, take those weights. Show them all how beautiful your submission is." The words were breathed across his backside, and the kiss Logan pressed to one cheek was a tender reward, even as another weight was added. Logan batted the weights a couple times, making them swing between his legs, and the pain of it sent a loud moan from his lips. "Perfect," Logan whispered at the small of his back, and the next words were warm and deep murmurs right next to his ear. "Do you like the feeling of them swaying, Kasper?" A hard smack to his ass nearly made him topple forward. A flush stole over his cheeks. Kasper found that one of the most humiliating aspects of submitting to Logan was the demands that he speak. He was sure Logan knew it, too, which was why it happened so frequently. He swallowed, wet his lips, and nodded. "Yes, Sir," he breathed, offering only a simple reply. He felt Logan's nails dig into the flesh of his ass. Kasper gasped, and without much thought, words tumbled from his lips. "I'm sorry," he moaned. Logan had, on several occasions, told him not to refer to him as 'Sir', but Kasper kept trying. "Heavy, and it makes my balls feel hotter from your hand... I love it, Logan." Logan's purr of approval sent a shiver down his spine. "Good. You can put your arms down now. Walk to the horse and keep your legs apart."

Obediently, Kasper moved, his arms sore from the position, but the ache of his body was something he'd grown to crave. Stress was released every time he bent over for Logan. He felt such relief in every welt or bruise left on his body. With the weights on his balls, there was no way he could close his legs, so keeping them spread wasn't an issue. When ordered, he bent over the horse, his ass exposed to all eyes. In fact, the way the horse was placed, his whole body was exposed perfectly. From any direction, a spectator could see his ass, back, thighs, cock, balls, and face. He was truly on display now, and his heart pounded with embarrassment, fear, and excitement. It was a potent, intoxicating cocktail, and he moaned softly as he closed his eyes, waiting patiently for Logan's pleasure. Logan's hands stroked from his shoulders down to his thighs, the gesture both comforting and teasing. A moment later, the first strike to his ass fell, and he gasped. He had expected Logan to use a flogger, perhaps even a cane to show off his endurance, but instead, Logan simply used his hand. Of all the ways he had been struck in the few weeks they had been together, this was his favorite. Skin on skin, intimate and intense in a way he knew he could never get enough of. The rhythm began, slow, calculated strikes that warmed him up and let him feel the pull of his sac acutely. The weights shifted with his body, and Logan's hand was firm, rocking him just a little at the moment. It was these first minutes where the deep ache was formed, the one he'd feel the following day. To Kasper's mind, it was the bass notes in a composition, the ones that grounded the piece, gave measure and time to the rest of the orchestra. Gradually, Kasper sank into himself. The strikes became harder, the notes changing from bass to tenor, and he could hear music in his own moans and soft cries. It was all about the symphony, the dance of bodies and minds. Kasper moved in time with Logan. He didn't fight the blows. To fight the spanking meant to make it purely painful, and he didn't want that. What he wanted was this, the rise and fall of the pain complementing the pleasure he felt, the perfect balance of the high notes and low, all driving him upwards, spiraling into an unbelievable world of sensation. Logan began varying the blows, building new themes and rhythms atop the pounding of his pulse. The pain intensified, pushing ragged cries from his throat, but just when it threatened to draw him from that mindless place where the pain and pleasure melted into pure sensation, Logan drew him back from the edge. The tempo changed yet again, tapering off into the distance like echoes that slowly fade. The final strike resounded, and then fingernails teased over his ass and down to his tortured sac. Kasper cried out, but the sound died down into a pathetic, needy moan as he shivered under Logan's touch. He was covered in sweat, his body overheated, but it wasn't over yet. It couldn't be over yet. That was hardly enough to warrant traipsing him out into public. He hadn't been shown off nearly to his ability, so Kasper waited, trembling with pent up arousal and thudding pain. He sensed more than saw Logan move to the front of the horse, and Kasper slowly opened his eyes. Through the haze of tears he hadn't been aware of before, he saw Logan's cock jutting from between the folds of dark denim. His mouth immediately watered, and he forgot all about being in a public place, showing off for other people. All he wanted to do was please Logan, give his lover everything and earn the sweet, soft touches of praise. His eyes darted to the hand Logan wasn't stroking himself with and saw a simple lancet device in his hand. Kasper closed his eyes again, moaning loudly as his cock twitched and the weights on his balls swung with his shudder. Logan released his cock and took one of his hands from the edge of the horse. After all the pain of the spanking, the prick to his finger was a simple sting after the click of the device released the lancet. Logan quickly reloaded the device, and his middle finger joined his index. He gasped as Logan pulled his hand up and greedily sucked his fingers with a deep groan. A look of utter bliss crossed

Logan's face, and to be the cause sent a wave of need and pride through Kasper. When Logan thrust his hips forward and looked down at him with burning eyes, Kasper eagerly opened his mouth. Without any hesitation, Logan shoved his cock into Kasper's mouth. Kasper swallowed around the musky shaft, doing his best in the position he was in. He sucked at the head, his tongue teasing the slit, and then relaxed his jaw and throat to allow Logan to thrust. Logan took his mouth slowly. It was his reward. He'd performed as beautifully here as he had in the privacy of Logan's apartment, and now he would be allowed to suck Logan off. It was all that he wanted. Kasper didn't care about his own release. It didn't matter. What mattered was Logan's. He moaned around Logan, shifting to make the weights tug at his sac a little more. Completely focused on Logan, he didn't hear the people murmuring around them, sense their eyes, or care that he looked like an utter whore in public. Logan groaned, and the vibrations were sent down his fingers and arm. He could feel a tremor in Logan's fingers as he drew them through his hair to cradle his head, and that small indication of how on edge Logan was gave him all the encouragement he might have needed. He raked his teeth across the head of Logan's cock each time he withdrew, and the result was nearly immediate. Logan sucked fiercely at his fingers and slid deep into his throat, coming with a satisfied grunt. He swallowed the wash of faint bitterness greedily, suckling at Logan until his lover pulled back with a rough curse. Kasper panted, still lost in the symphony Logan had created for him. He was flying high, the pain nothing compared to the pleasure and taste of Logan on his tongue. "On your knees," Logan ordered, his voice rough with pleasure. Kasper complied without conscious thought, and the weights pulled at him while he shifted from the horse onto the cold floor next to it. His backside was aflame as he tensed his muscles to remain upright, but the pain was overwhelmed by desire when Logan knelt with him. Logan drew him into a powerful kiss, his tongue thrusting possessively within his mouth. The tang of his own blood made Kasper's heart skip a beat, and his moan became a cry when Logan's hand closed around his cock and pumped. His breath was harsh as it hissed in and out, broken only by the repeated, sinfully delicious kisses. This was as much a reward as being able to suck Logan off, but there was also that last show of control for the crowd. Kasper wasn't allowed to come, no matter how wickedly Logan moved his hand on him. No, he couldn't give in to the growing heat, the heaviness in his groin, until Logan gave him permission. Soon, Kasper was whining into the kisses, Logan's teeth nipping at his lips. His whole body trembled, pain and pleasure and need all colliding inside him, but the overriding thought was to please Logan. He had to perform well, to bring his master nothing but pride in their first performance, and Kasper clung to that as his balls ached and his body shuddered with need. Finally, when Kasper thought he would go insane or simply drown in denied gratification, Logan whispered into their next kiss. "So obedient, so fucking beautiful. Come for me, Kasper." As soon as the words passed from Logan's mouth, Kasper came on cue. He cried out, his hands clenching on his thighs, and every muscle tensed and twitched. The pain he'd pushed back rushed in, turning the orgasm into something hot and breath-stealing. It took all the restraint Kasper had not to collapse forward against Logan, to thrust his cock through the wet fist. He remained where he was, wavering on his knees, his muscles twitching as the pleasure finally began to taper off. "Yeah, God, Kasper, yeah. Just like that. Such a pretty slut. You love being my slut, don't you?" Logan asked, milking Kasper's come onto the flesh of his abdomen.

Kasper couldn't flush any darker. His cheeks pounded with his humiliation. "Yes," he moaned, Logan's hand pushing the pleasure to just the other side of pain. It was perfect. "Your slut... want to please you... make you proud..." The smile Logan offered him was bright with satisfaction. "You do make me proud. Very proud." Logan released his cock after a firm, parting stroke and reached lower, gradually alleviating the pressure of the weights with his hand. Happiness bubbled up in Kasper. He'd made Logan proud. He'd succeeded. He couldn't help but return that smile, though his was tired, strained. His balls felt impossibly stretched, like they should drag the floor, even with Logan reducing the weight a little. Kasper moaned, his eyes shutting for a moment as he swayed on his knees. "Lean against me," Logan instructed, and Kasper instantly did so, burying his face in the crook of Logan's neck. Logan took care in disconnecting each of the weights from his balls, and soon, even the leather strap was removed, leaving nothing but the warmth of Logan's fingers, which tenderly caressed him. "You've done so well. Your first public scene, and you've shown everyone your obedience and passion. I'm so damn proud." Kasper all but curled up in Logan's arms on the floor. The way Logan spoke told him the scene was over. He could speak freely, move freely. "I'm tired," he murmured into Logan's skin. "We don't have to stay much longer, right?" He didn't want to think much about what he'd just done, and returning to Logan's apartment sounded like heaven to him. "No, we don't have to stay," Logan chuckled. "I have salve and comfy sweats for you, and there's some of your favorite tea waiting for you back at my place... along with your official collar, which you'll wear in our scenes from now on." A flush stole over Kasper's cheeks as he pulled back to look at Logan. "I get a collar?" Logan grinned at him. "Yep. Marks you as mine when we're in scene. Plus, it'll be an easy way to tell when we start and finish, when the rules apply. I splurged and got one made special for you." Kasper grinned. It took a little help from Logan, but he stood. He was floating on a cloud as he gingerly stepped into the sweats while Logan packed up their things. The crowd that had gathered to watch them had moved on, and Kasper was allowed to wallow in his joy privately. A collar. He was Logan's. Everyone here knew it, and he knew it, but the collar was something tangible. It was something Kasper could hold onto as proof of his success in pleasing Logan. As they walked to the car, Logan taking the keys to drive them home, Kasper laughed. Logan gave him a bit of an odd look, but Kasper kissed it away. It was yet another step down a path Kasper hadn't known about, and he didn't regret a moment. At least, not yet.

Chapter Twelve Logan ran his hands broadly down the back of Kasper's body, from the new collar all the way down to Kasper's knees. The shiver that followed down the muscles of his lover's body brought a smirk to his lips. On hands and knees, Kasper eagerly presented his backside, and Logan gladly began to warm it up with firm strikes of his hand. Watching the pale skin become flushed with color brought a rush of power to him, and he grinned as he massaged the reddened cheeks that angled up to meet his hands. "Even more eager than usual tonight. What is it you're craving to give me?" he murmured. He was wonderfully hard, and it was all because Kasper was so damned ready to give him whatever he wanted. But he didn't want just his own desires; he wanted Kasper's as well, and that meant a little encouragement was needed. When Kasper only responded with a moan, his hand landed on the upturned flesh with more strength. "Answer me!" Kasper groaned as he rocked forward. "You need me to dictate to you?" A breathy laugh rose up to Logan's ears. "No imagination left?" he asked lightly. Logan's eyes narrowed. "Don't count on it, and don't speak out of turn," he ordered, landing a powerful slap to Kasper's balls in punishment. They had been together for a few months now, and Kasper knew better than that. Hell, he'd taught Kasper better, hadn't he? He reached over and picked up his favorite cane, adjusting his grip until it felt like an extension of his arm. He tapped Kasper's ass a few times before winding up and landing the first strike. The sound of it hitting supple flesh and the moan it pushed from Kasper's throat brought him back to his center, and he set up a slow rhythm, deepening the flush of Kasper's backside to a bright crimson. "What do you crave to give me?" he asked again, dragging the tip of the cane over Kasper's ass. "How can I speak out of turn when you ask me questions?" Kasper said, his voice wavering as Logan teased his balls with the cane. The angle of Kasper's hips allowed Logan to land a strike on his upper thighs that also barely clipped Kasper's sac, and he growled, "By not answering. Don't give me that answer-with-anotherquestion bullshit. Is that clear?" he asked with a particularly hard blow. Kasper cried out sharp and shrill, the sound traveling right down Logan's spine. "Yes!" "Good." Logan took a deep breath and let it out slowly before continuing, concentrating on forming a pattern in the redness. He wasn't about to let a bit of insubordination ruin the whole damn scene. One thing he always hated was stopping and leaving everyone unfulfilled. It made him feel like they'd wasted time, and he didn't want it to come to that. Not with Kasper. "Now, answer my question while I welt your ass." "I don't—ah!—have an answer," Kasper panted out as the sound of the cane against his skin rang out in the room. "Just want this, want you."

Logan growled, eyes narrowing as he landed yet another hard blow to Kasper's ass, the welts beginning to rise on the already reddened skin. "You're lying. You want to know how I know that?" He laughed softly. "I've left three welts and you're still pushing back to meet them, like they aren't enough. If this isn't enough, then what is it you want? No more bullshit." Another crack of the cane, followed by another cry from Kasper. His eyes moved hungrily over Kasper's squirming form. Covered in sweat, his body tense with pain despite how eagerly he pushed back, Kasper whined, and it made Logan's cock twitch. Logan struck yet again, determined to rip an answer from Kasper no matter how many welts he had to leave. "More!" Kasper finally shouted, the strain of the caning showing in the usually calm voice. "More what?" Logan demanded immediately, triumph sparking briefly inside. Kasper seemed to be cracking, and he wasn't about to let up. Another carefully placed strike, and another. He was beginning to form a pattern on Kasper's ass, and each blow followed the design. "More of the cane? Pressure? Speed?" Kasper cried out, his hands gripping tightly at the bedsheets. "Anything! More... more... just more!" he demanded, his voice breaking on the last word. Logan could practically feel Kasper's desperation, but his own was just as acute. It wasn't just arousal that coursed through him, but a need for a proper answer. More was so vague. What more? What wasn't he giving? He had to be missing something, some cue from Kasper, and it was beginning to piss him off. "More what?" he repeated, but all he received in response from Kasper was a moan and a shake of his blond head. Anger filled Logan, and he brought the cane down ruthlessly, ruining the beautiful pattern he'd created before Kasper's piss-poor answer. "Tell me!" Uncertainty bubbled up in Logan. He wanted to make this good for Kasper, but Kasper just wasn't cooperating. How was he supposed to make it good if his lover wouldn't tell him what he needed to know? Kasper's body didn't remain still, the skin of his backside becoming mottled with deep bruises and red, stinging welts. His head drooped as a sob made its way to Logan's ears. "Please, Logan, more," he pleaded, his voice rough and thick. Logan was left with so little to go on that the anger grew, consuming him from the inside out. He was left to grasp at nothing in the dark, and he hated that feeling. If all Kasper wanted was more of the same, then that's what he would get. Tightening his grip on the cane, Logan lashed out in a series of furious strikes. There was no pattern, no form behind the unforgiving welts he was raising, and Kasper's cries just became more impassioned, pain laced in every note. Whenever Kasper could draw breath beyond needy sobs, desperate pleas for more were all he received. It enraged Logan, not knowing the need beyond that single word, and he shouted his frustration as he put even more power behind the cane. Each blow made Kasper lurch forward, and he sacrificed speed for force, letting his frustration fuel him. And then it happened. One moment Kasper's ass was a mass of crimson, purpling bruises, and welts, and the next, there was a long ribbon of torn flesh across both ass cheeks. Blood welled in the split welt, and Logan's heart lurched as his cock ached at the sight. Kasper was openly weeping now, and Logan's hand trembled as he held the cane aloft, panting madly as his eyes remained glued on the beading blood. The desire to lick up that tiny trail of blood was overwhelming, but Logan couldn't just stop cold. He couldn't slam Kasper down from that high with nothing to break the fall. He tightened his quivering fingers and brought the cane down again, lighter than before, doing everything he could to focus on the target for each of the tapering strikes. Though he avoided hitting directly over the split flesh, the cane smeared the blood, sending wisps of it across dark bruises.

Need was a painful knot inside him by the time he finally tapped Kasper's ass with the last strike. His breathing was labored, his mind slightly crazed from the anger, adrenaline, and arousal. It took him only a moment to decide his course as Kasper wept. He bent over and, even as he knew he should resist, drew his tongue along the line of blood, moaning as the salty copper taste filled his mouth. Kasper squirmed, pushed back, and Logan forgot everything but that demand for more. More he could give. He snatched the lube up and slicked himself, moaning as he thrust into his fist. The blood alone sent his mind reeling, his body on edge. Without pausing, he lined himself up and pushed into Kasper, giving a loud shout as he was surrounded by tight, clutching heat. His thumbs dug into the battered flesh, coaxed more blood to the surface. His hearing was muted as he fucked Kasper, his eyes focused solely on the blood. He sucked the red fluid from his thumb, his balls tight, ready to blow, and he just kept going. As soon as his fingers were clean, back down to that wound they went. The blood captured him, seduced him, made him lose his mind. He pounded into Kasper, unaware of anything but the slippery pressure around his cock and the blood he greedily sucked off his fingers. When release came, it was with a primal rush, his mind lost in that crimson haze. His own shout of completion was lost beneath the raging pulse in his ears, and he dug his fingers into Kasper's hips, his thumbs back into the bleeding wound. His thrusts became erratic, but he pushed through the powerful aftershocks, his balls aching. When he brought his thumb and fingers back to his lips again, they were trembling, and he moaned as he sucked mindlessly, pumping out the last of his release in a couple deep thrusts that pushed his cock into the blazing heat of Kasper's ass. It took him a moment to come back to himself, and when he did, all Logan heard was Kasper's sobs. His stomach dropped as he looked down at the mess he'd made of Kasper's ass. God, he'd lost his mind! He pulled out quickly and eased Kasper onto his back, but what greeted him wasn't what he'd expected. Kasper was hard as a rock, his cock dark, thick, and wet-tipped. Logan glanced up at Kasper's face, which was flushed and tracked with tears, but Kasper's eyes... Logan licked his lips, because Kasper's eyes were dazed, blissed out, and the slight shifting of his lover's hips couldn't be mistaken for anything but silent begging. More, Kasper had pleaded. He'd gone further than he'd intended, too far, and yet Kasper still couldn't get enough. Exhaling slowly, he drew one hand broadly up Kasper's thigh. The moan that escaped Kasper was both pained and encouraging, and when Kasper arched desperately, trying to push into his hand, he couldn't find it in him to deny him. He wrapped his fingers tightly around Kasper's cock and stroked firmly. He had never felt Kasper so hard, and his emotions went haywire for a few seconds, cycling from excitement to worry to anger and back again. It didn't take long, and Logan hadn't expected it to. Kasper's back bowed, a strangled sound leaving dry, parted lips, and then Logan's hand was covered in Kasper's come. Logan squeezed and pulled at Kasper's cock, milking every moment of pleasure he could, watching with a detachment he didn't much like. The expressions that passed over Kasper's face unnerved him a little, and he felt the distinct sting of having been used. Kasper was happy, there was no denying that in the lingering twitching of his limbs and the sated, lazy smile on his face, but Logan knew he'd been manipulated into going too far, giving too much, and he didn't like it one bit. Still, he let Kasper have his moments. Logan stroked his thighs, petted his stomach, smeared come into hot, flushed skin. But he was silent the entire time, his lips pressed tightly together to keep the angry words quiet just a little bit longer. His fingers traced over the collar, over the fastening, and with a gentleness he didn't feel like giving, he unsnapped the leather and set it aside. Immediately, Kasper reached for him, wanting the kisses and soft touches that he freely gave after their sessions. Except this time.

Logan sat back, glaring at Kasper. Kasper frowned, the glow of orgasm leaving his face. "What? What's wrong?" "You manipulated me," Logan ground out, cutting right to the chase. He couldn't just leave it at that, though. There was a lot more he was dying to say, and now that the scene had concluded, he couldn't bite the words back. "You used me, Kasper. That's what's fucking wrong." "No, I didn't." Kasper winced as he sat up. "The hell you didn't!" Logan growled, pushing up from the bed and storming into the bathroom. He grabbed a few supplies and a cool, wet cloth, and returned, still seething even after trying to take deep breaths. "If you'd wanted me to make you bleed, you should have fucking said so when I asked! Instead, you gave me that 'more' bullshit and pushed me. Now lie down, so I can clean you up, dammit." Kasper shook his head, but there was a tell-tale flush stealing across his cheeks. "I-I didn't know what I wanted! Not... not really." Logan glared with all the fire of the anger he felt. "Don't fucking lie to me. Just admit it." Kasper swallowed audibly. "Logan, I didn't..." He sighed, looking away. "I didn't mean to do it," was all the admission it seemed Kasper was willing to give. "Not good enough." Logan grabbed Kasper's chin and made him meet his gaze. "This is not acceptable. Not one bit. You don't use me. In the scenes, when I ask you what you want, you fucking tell me. None of this passive-aggressive, topping from the bottom bullshit. I hurt you tonight." Logan released Kasper's chin and nudged him onto his stomach. "I hurt you more than I wanted to. Did you even think about what I might have wanted?" "No," Kasper mumbled, his face buried in the sheets. "I didn't. I'm sorry." Logan glared at Kasper's abused buttocks. "You should be. I was out of control, and I don't like being out of control. Being out of control means someone is likely to come to lasting harm." He didn't want that to happen. Not again. Thoughts of Shane hooked up to a bunch of tubes and blood soaking through fabric to his hands made him tremble for a moment, but he shook his arms and pushed the thoughts away again. Now wasn't the time to think about that shit. He wasn't going to let that happen to Kasper. "Don't do it again. Next time I ask, you tell me what you really want. No sparing yourself the shame of saying it and assuming I'm some damn mind reader. All it does is piss me off and then make you sorry. Got it?" When Kasper nodded mutely into the sheets, Logan draped the cool cloth over Kasper's ass and pressed it against the broken flesh with his palms. Even with the moderate, broad pressure, he knew it had to hurt like hell. "Say it, Kasper. Tell me that you understand what I'm trying to get across to you." Kasper hissed, his toes curling with the pain. He turned his head and looked at Logan, his eyes full of regret. "I understand," he whispered. "I'm sorry. I really am. I don't know why I did it, but I promise, I won't do it again." Logan stared at Kasper for a few seconds, but there was no hint of deception. Those blue eyes didn't lie; they never had and never would. Letting out a long breath, he finally let the anger seep from him. "I believe you," he murmured, pulling back the cloth and carefully cleaning the area. He gently smeared the line of broken flesh with ointment, trying to be efficient so he wouldn't cause unnecessary pain now that the games were over. "Fuck. How are you gonna work tomorrow?" "I'll call Lynn in the morning and have her reschedule my appointments," Kasper said, tensing a little under Logan's fingers. "I only had four booked tomorrow, and none of them are new patients." Logan couldn't help himself. He leaned down near Kasper's face, a dark smile curving his lips. "Or I could insist you work through the pain," he said. "Sit in that comfy chair of yours through those four appointments."

Kasper moaned, closing his eyes. "Logan, please..." Whether Kasper was asking him to order him to go to work or begging for respite, Logan wasn't sure, but he did know he needed to teach Kasper a lesson in behaving. "Go to work like always. You can stay the night here and use your spare set of clothes after a shower in the morning." He sat up and wiped his hands as Kasper moaned again. "Under the covers. It's late, and you have an early morning." "Asshole," Kasper muttered, but he did as he was told, lying on his stomach under the thin sheet. Logan turned out the light and flopped down beside Kasper, chuckling softly in the dark. "You bet."

Chapter Thirteen The sound of the shower was muffled by the solid door between the bathroom and the living space. Logan sat on the bed with his back pressed to the cold wall. It felt like that coldness was seeping through right to the core of him. His eyes remained fixed on that barrier, a physical sign of what was intangibly between Kasper and him. Logan chuckled, but the sound was without mirth. Look, he was all philosophical. Or was it metaphorical? Fuck, he didn't really care. What he cared about was what had just happened between them. As the memory surfaced again, so fresh and raw in his head, his eyes narrowed. There was only one thing he couldn't tolerate in his relationships. Lying. He didn't do it, and he didn't want it done to him. Kasper had lied. Whether Kasper had done it on purpose or not was beside the point. It had happened, and now he had to deal with the mess. The scene had been going perfectly. He'd bound Kasper, shoved a thick plug in his ass, and started in on him with a paddle. But it hadn't been enough. It was never enough, which was something Logan had begun to catch on to. It unnerved him. It made his stomach turn, in fact. As he had watched Kasper's ass, stomach, and chest turn a deep scarlet from his paddling, Kasper had only begged him for more. More and more and more. It pissed Logan off. He growled and stood up from the bed, pacing the short length of his room. He hadn't been in control. Looking over the last few weeks, maybe even months if he were honest, he saw that Kasper had carefully manipulated him. No, he didn't think it was intentional, but that didn't mean a fucking thing. It had happened. And he had noticed, oh, he had. He'd told Kasper to knock it the hell off, and Kasper had looked him in the eye and promised him it would stop. Tonight, though, it had all gone to hell so quickly. One minute he'd been paddling Kasper, and the next he'd had the cane in his hand again. He'd laid welts over the writhing, screaming body, but even that wasn't enough. Just like every other time, it made him furious, and he'd almost lost control. Almost. When he'd been ready to reach for the thinner cane, to make Kasper bleed again, make it enough, he'd realized the game. He'd thrown the cane aside and ended the scene then and there. Kasper was left unfulfilled, and so was he. There had been shouting. He wasn't taking this shit. Not now, not ever, and Kasper was a psychologist. Kasper was mind-fucking him in the worst of ways, and what really upset Logan was he truly believed Kasper when his lover had wept and whispered he hadn't meant to. Hadn't meant to. It was always the excuse he was handed, and Logan wondered if he could endure even a day more of 'hadn't meant to'. He sighed and threw himself back on the bed as he heard the shower shut

off. Resentment and anger still roiled in his gut, but more yelling tonight wouldn't do either of them any good. Not really. They both had work in the morning anyway. The door opened, steam billowing out, and Logan resisted looking over. He glared up at the ceiling, his body tense. "Should I go home?" Kasper asked, his voice low and sad. It sounded like such an innocent question, but it wasn't. Logan wanted Kasper to stay. After all that yelling and bullshit, he actually wanted Kasper to stay. It went against everything his mind told him to feel, and it only made the anger worse, the sense of betrayal deeper. Even that desire to keep Kasper close could be easily manipulated. He'd barely even realized the feeling was there, and now it meant nothing. All it would be was another weakness, another chink in the armor that would leave him vulnerable to Kasper's mind games. "Should you go home?" Logan repeated the question aloud, his voice terse with emotion he didn't much feel like sharing. "How should I translate that, I wonder? An honest question about my wants, or another underhanded way of slipping me some hint, some choice that you already know will give you what you want?" Another chuckle bubbled out of Logan, but it was just as dark and mirthless as before. He didn't give Kasper a chance to answer. "You know me so fucking well, from my childhood to my fucked up scene with Shane and everything between. All the things I told you, all the parts of me I trusted you with..." His eyes narrowed at the ceiling as he clenched his fists. "You know every single fucking button to push, don't you?" "I don't know what you're talking about," Kasper murmured. "I told you I was sorry. I didn't mean–" "Didn't mean to," Logan finished curtly, grinding his teeth. The phrase alone made his pulse quicken with anger. "I think you know exactly what I'm talking about, Doctor Bromley." Kasper walked to the end of the bed, his arms crossed. "Humor me, Mr. Walker. Just what is it you think I'm doing here?" A dark smile curved Logan's lips. For once in his life, he knew the word he was looking for. Kasper had used it from time to time in their sessions. His eyes finally moved from the ceiling to Kasper as he sat upright. "Displacement." "Displacement?" Kasper tilted his head. "I think you're overstepping your knowledge while looking for some sort of warped behavior on my part to explain a simple mistake." Logan glared, his dark eyes glinting in the low light of the room. "And I think you're too chickenshit to look at yourself. God forbid there's an imperfection." Kasper snorted. "No one is perfect." "No shit." Logan pushed himself up from the bed and walked past Kasper into the kitchen, snatching a bottle of water from the fridge. It seemed an eternity ago that he'd sat down with Adam over barbeque and beer, but now the words about Kasper came back to haunt him. Kasper always strove for perfection. Kasper's father had made sure of that before he kicked the bucket. If Kasper thought being chained and beaten to a bloody pulp made him the perfect submissive, he'd push himself past any and all boundaries to be that submissive. Logan felt a sickening pit develop in his stomach as he chugged some water, and he quickly replaced the cap and put the bottle back into the fridge. He didn't want to think about all that just yet. He knew he'd have to soon, but not now. Kasper was silent for a few minutes, and then he began to dress. "I don't think it's best if I stay tonight. I have an early meeting anyway, and my house is closer to the office than your apartment." Logan hated the way his desire to have Kasper stay warred with the relief of not having to do something like order him out. Every little thought that went through his head was now worth secondguessing. Every mark he could see littering Kasper's chest and back made that pit in his stomach

grow instead of inspiring pride and arousal like it usually did. Kasper was right. It was better if they spent the night apart. He nodded his agreement, watching as Kasper gathered his things and made for the door. When Kasper reached for the doorknob, Logan's hand darted out and gripped Kasper's wrist. He knew the skin under the white dress shirt was still sore, still raw from the restraints, but pain would at least get Kasper's attention. Their eyes met, and he held onto that gaze. "Think about what you want, Kasper. You have to know what you really want outta all this." Kasper stared at him for a long time before he pulled his wrist out of Logan's grasp. "Goodnight, Logan." He slipped out the door, shutting it firmly behind him. Logan stared at the closed door for a few seconds, hearing Kasper's steps retreat slowly down the stairs. He clenched his fists tightly as he turned back to the main room and closed his eyes. A couple steadying breaths and he went to work cleaning up what remained of their failed scene. He aimed for detachment as he cleaned everything off and put it all back into his closet, but he should have known better than to aim so high. Nearly half of his collection had been used on Kasper at one point or another in the last few months. He was surrounded by memories, and tonight's argument made him question every single one of them. He frowned down at the last item in his hands. He'd given Kasper this collar, something to wear proudly so everyone would know Kasper was his. But the collar stood for more than simple ownership. It was more than a symbol of who topped whom. It stood for trust. He'd trusted Kasper with every detail of his life, and when he'd first strapped the collar on his lover's neck, he'd trusted Kasper knew the rules and would play by them. That trust had been broken. Kasper had used him, lied to him, and violated every tenant of BDSM in general. So long to respect, honesty, and 'Safe Sane Consensual'. All in one fucking night. No, that wasn't true. It had been gradual, a slow dissolving of what he'd tried to teach Kasper at the very beginning. He'd just been too damn blind to see it. Logan's eyes narrowed on the collar in his hands, and he finally hung it on its designated hook. Well, he saw the flaws now. Closing the closet door behind him, he crossed to his dresser and pulled out his swimming gear. Unless he popped a few of those leftover trazodone, there was no way he was getting to sleep tonight, and while the drug was tempting, he didn't want his mind to shut up. He needed to think, not just about the betrayal he felt, but about Kasper's wants, his own wants, and how to reconcile the two. Logan paused as he stuffed his goggles into his shoulder bag. Maybe there was no reconciliation. Maybe the best thing would be to stop now before they fucked up each other's lives. The thought rushed over him like freezing cold water, and he shivered as he threw his bag over his shoulder and snatched up his keys. He didn't want it to come to that, but there was only so much he could give, so many things he could bend to before he broke. Shutting off the lights and locking the door behind him, Logan let out a long breath and headed down the stairs. He pulled out his cell phone and punched in a number. Unless he wanted to swim in Boston Harbor, it was time to call in a favor from the janitor at the YMCA.

Kasper was a warm, eager weight beneath him, and Logan moaned as he thrust his tongue deep between lush lips. His hands greedily slid under Kasper's proper business shirt. He pinched and twisted Kasper's nipples, devouring every little sound his lover offered up. Hard and hot against him, Logan couldn't ignore Kasper's obvious enjoyment as they kissed and touched on his mussed bed. What Logan also couldn't ignore was that he was only half-hard. No matter how hard he kissed Kasper, how viciously he twisted the sensitive nubs between his fingers, or how much he rubbed

himself against Kasper, Logan couldn't maintain his erection. It simultaneously frustrated him and reminded him that all was not right in his relationship. They'd carefully not talked about what had sent Kasper from his apartment three days ago, jumping right into bed. After another bout of kissing and sharp nips of teeth, Logan pulled back with an annoyed growl. He sighed heavily as he sat up and combed his fingers through his hair. "I can't do this," he muttered. Kasper frowned as he righted himself. "Lay back. I'll suck you off." He leaned over and pressed soft kisses to Logan's shoulder. "You love my mouth." The words just pissed Logan off. He shrugged and moved away from Kasper. "Is that all this is to you? Sucking and fucking, pain and coming? 'Cause, I have to say, Kasper, I had been hoping for a little more." "What do you mean?" Kasper asked, tilting his head to expose a bright passion mark Logan had just left on him. Logan crossed his arms, painfully aware of how beautiful Kasper was, how gorgeous he looked all rumpled and aroused. Logically, Logan knew he should want to turn Kasper over and fuck the shit out of him, but his stomach turned at the idea. "Shit isn't right between us, and you know it." As he met Kasper's eyes, he watched the pale blue gaze slowly close off. "Don't. Don't do that. Talk to me! I want shit to be right." "Everything is just fine," Kasper said, his voice carefully neutral. "At least, I thought it was until you all but kicked me out of here the other night." "You used me. What did you expect me to do, just ignore it like you?" Logan shook his head. He'd though about it, all right. Nearly every waking moment since he'd caught onto Kasper's game. Kasper let out a long, quiet breath. "Everyone uses everyone for something. You make it sound as if my intent was malicious. I told you, it was a mistake. And I have thought about it, just as you told me to." Logan groaned. "I wanted you to think about it because you wanted to, not because I told you to do it. Christ!" "Regardless, I did think about it." Kasper stood up and went into the closet. Logan heard him rummage about for a moment, and then Kasper returned, handing Logan one of the single use scalpels. "I want you to draw blood," he murmured with a small smile. "Either with the scalpel or with the cane or whip. Your teeth or your nails. I don't care. I just want to feel all I can feel while giving you everything you could possibly want from me." Logan's heart sped in his chest, and he stared at the scalpel, the blade that was visible under the clear, protective sheath. The thought of Kasper's blood smearing his lips and splashing over his tongue was one that had aroused him from the moment he'd discussed his compulsion with Kasper. It had been the thought that fueled endless fantasies over the last few months, no matter how much he tried to deny it and stay in control. Kasper was offering him the very thing he'd initially gone to the psychologist to resist. His eyes slowly moved from the blade to Kasper's face, and the eager light in his lover's eyes made his resolve waver. It would be so easy to just accept, so easy to cut and drink and take pleasure in it all. Kasper was willing. Kasper was more than willing. It was that observation that drew him back into himself, and he felt his budding arousal fade in an icy rush. The pit he'd had in his stomach that night they'd parted returned with a vengeance, and he stared deep into Kasper's eyes, hoping to find a shred of something more. "All I could possibly want..."

Kasper nodded once, slowly. "Take it," he urged. "I know you want it, Logan. I can see it. You're thinking about it right now. Your cock slamming inside me while you make me bleed... drink me up..." A shiver ran the length of Logan's body, making his hand tremble for a moment as he took the scalpel. "Kasper..." It was tempting, so very tempting to forget everything else but sex and blood, the two things he'd reveled in so often in the past. Kasper leaned close, his lips brushing at Logan's ear as he murmured, "I consent." Logan jerked back, panting as he tried to resist what Kasper was offering. "It's not just about consent. It's about being safe. About being sane. It's not just sex and consent and blood. It's supposed to be more than that!" "It is more," Kasper insisted. "We care for one another." "No, I don't think that's right," Logan said, and his heart twisted in his chest. He gripped the scalpel so hard that the plastic bit into his palm. "I care about you, about your safety and happiness, but I think... I think all you care about is your sick need to be 'everything' you think I could want. You've screwed it all up in your head, though." Kasper stepped back, the movement jerky, as if Logan had just slapped him. "Nothing's screwed up in my head. I just know what I want." "What? What is it you want?" Logan practically begged. "I want the pain and pleasure you've been giving me. I want to feel everything, every extreme that can be felt." An odd light filled Kasper's eyes, and a shiver slithered down Logan's spine to see it. "I need you, Logan, I need... this." Logan squeezed his eyes shut against the look on Kasper's face. It was so full of obsession, a nearly fanatical need. He swallowed against the tightness of his throat and shook his head, forcing himself to speak. "And I need a lover that sees me as more than a fast track to the extremes." The worst of it was knowing Kasper already knew that. They'd talked at length about his past relationships, how he'd separated his subs from his romantic attachments. He needed someone who was both – Kasper had once said so himself. Kasper didn't want romance, didn't really care about affection. He opened his eyes again. "I can't be that for you, Kasper. I can't... do this. I won't." Kasper shook his head a little. "Can't do what? We've been doing fine for what? Six months now? Seven? Nothing's changed." "Everything's changed," Logan ground out. "When we started, you wanted to learn everything you could from me. You wanted me to show you everything I knew, but in a safe environment, where you could help me control my urges." Anger rose in him again, and the scalpel's handle bit deeper into his palm as he clenched his fists. "We both know you don't give a shit about those urges now. You just handed me a fucking knife and told me to bleed you! It isn't just cutting, it's everything I know will follow!" Kasper actually flinched. "All that would follow is amazing sex and new levels of extremes. There is nothing inherently wrong about that. I didn't understand that until we took these steps. In the office, I couldn't possibly have understood, but I do now." He smiled as he reached for Logan. "We're still safe, and I still trust you." Logan stared up into Kasper's slightly detached gaze and shook his head. "We're not safe... and I don't trust you. You need boundaries! We all need them!" He tossed the scalpel to the bar. "And this is mine. I won't sit around and abuse you." "I'm not asking you to abuse me!" "Yes, you are!" Logan wanted to pull his hair and scream his frustration. "If you have no limits, then I can't stop. I would harm you, Kasper. Harm! I won't do that! And if you cared even an ounce for me, you wouldn't ask me to!"

Kasper closed down, and Logan watched it happen. The usually beautiful, tempting face became cold and blank. "If you won't give what I need," Kasper said, "I will find someone who will." Logan thought his heart had been ripped out with those words, but he couldn't. He just couldn't do what Kasper was asking. They would not walk that path together. He'd been there before and nothing good would ever come from it. "Kasper," he said, surprised that his voice was steady. "I like you. I think you're... amazing. You're hot as hell and stunning in bed." He held Kasper's eyes with his own. "But I won't become what you're underhandedly trying to turn me into. I won't do it. I won't risk us both like I risked Shane." Silence fell as they just stared at each other until Kasper finally whispered. "So... we're breaking up." Pain lanced Logan's heart and radiated through his chest. "If you can't accept my boundaries, then, yeah." He hated saying it, hated giving an ultimatum, but he'd been pushed too far. It was the only thing he could do to save himself, and maybe it would be best for Kasper, too, in the long run. A muscle near Kasper's eyes twitched. He nodded curtly and tucked his shirt back into his slacks. "I need what you won't give," he said, shrugging on his jacket. "And you don't trust me. I think... it would be best. I didn't realize you were so unhappy, and I certainly don't want you unhappy." Stiffly, Kasper walked to the door and picked up his briefcase. "I..." Logan watched him, silently hoping Kasper would change his mind, compromise, or, fuck, talk to him. He could see how Kasper didn't want this to end any more than he wanted it to. Kasper glanced at him. "I hope you find what you're looking for." And then he was gone, and Logan just stood in the middle of his apartment, stunned. His eyes stung, and his throat felt thick. He swallowed a couple of times, the pain of Kasper's absence only barely beginning to register. Oh, he'd cared a hell of a lot about that man, but he'd be damned before he cried over someone who didn't give a shit about him. Tears were a waste of water, and he was wasting time standing there like an idiot who'd just been dumped. A couple swift strides took him to his desk, and he brought up the music player on his laptop, turning the volume as loud as it would go. He didn't click into the angsty playlist he usually chose after confrontations with his father or shitty clients at his job. Instead, he opened up the most generic playlist of techno he could find, a mix that lasted for hours. As the beat pounded from his speakers and made his desk rattle, he busied himself by straightening up the room and removing every trace of Kasper's presence. Every toy that was in his bedside drawer was systematically cleaned and put back in his closet. It was only when he turned to walk into the main room again that he was forced to pause. Kasper's collar still hung on its little hook near the door. Clenching his jaw, he snatched it down and threw it into a drawer of random, unorganized toys and office supplies. He kicked the drawer shut, listening to the contents jumble under the nearly deafening pulse of the music. Out of sight was out of mind, he decided, and the door to the closet was shut resolutely behind him.

Chapter Fourteen Time was all sorts of fucked up for Logan. Ever since Kasper had left, there were moments for Logan that seemed to run in slow motion while spans of hours and sometimes days seemed to pass in an instant. He could remember every detail of Metronyx as he had cruised the upper floor his first night back as a single. Everything stood out, from the energetic Domme who made her monster of a sub lick her boots while people took turns spanking him, to the lesbian couple on the dance floor that seemed lost in their own world, their lips locked in a never-ending, languid kiss. He remembered the groups admiring the posed submissives and the scent of sex and expensive cologne that had followed one of the younger patrons. All of that detail was vivid in his mind, yet if you'd asked, he wouldn't be able to tell you how he'd picked up his new sub and gotten down into the VIP basement. It was like he'd lost his mind for that span of time, and the three weeks after that had passed in a blur. A slow shift at work would lead to a fast-forwarded bout of swimming, which would lead to a sleepless night or another drug-induced void until his alarm went off. He ate, slept, worked, and struggled silently with his fetish just as he had months ago. Life was a swirling cycle of routine, and it left him in the current moment, the cane in his hand falling in slow-motion before hitting reddened flesh and rebounding with that same eerie slowness. He paused in his assault, staring at the cane for several seconds, and his attention was finally drawn to the submissive he had strapped to the St. Andrew's Cross when a desperate moan pierced through his muddled senses. A half-smile curved his lips as he tapped lightly over the line of a welt, one of only three that crossed the olive skin of the man's thighs. Parker was a good submissive, definitely unrefined, but still a pleasure to dominate. He was into canings and edging, and even though the tie and tease method was more psychological and intimate than Logan usually subscribed to, it gave him a goal in their scenes. The longer he could keep Parker on edge before finally allowing him to come, the more fulfilled they both felt by the end. Simple, but still challenging enough to keep Logan's interest. He might have been seeing to Parker's needs, but he had to admit to himself that it was the best rebound he could have hoped for. With Parker blindfolded, gagged, and bound face up, Logan was in complete control. It was something he had needed desperately, something Parker gave without hesitation. He knew exactly what Parker wanted and was able to tailor his scenes to get them both off. And yet... Logan shook his head as he delivered a couple well-aimed strikes, the cane leaving a simple pattern of welts on Parker's thighs and abdomen. He didn't want to admit to himself that something was missing, no matter how obvious the truth was. Tapering off the blows, he set the cane aside and adjusted the cross so Parker was lying down, perfectly spread out for him on his back. The cord he had knotted around Parker's cock and balls made them look painfully engorged, and he tugged the cord while gently rubbing the pad of his thumb right along the underside of the head. Parker twitched

and struggled aimlessly. He rubbed until Parker was writhing, and then backed off as soon as he sensed that orgasm coming too close. He smiled down at Parker and, for just a moment, imagined the tanned skin paler, the dark waves of Parker's hair morphing to blond, the carefully styled hair mussed a little by the blue blindfold that would be the same color as the eyes underneath. Logan started, tugging a little too hard at the rope, making Parker cry out around the ball gag. Fuck. He was doing it again, letting his thoughts stray. Kasper was gone, dammit, and he had to get on with his life instead of dwelling on what obviously hadn't been meant to last. His mind, however, refused to comply, and it was like parts of the months he'd spent with Kasper flashed through his mind at hyperspeed. He let out a ragged exhale as his fingers traced the welts on Parker's torso. He would have had Kasper begging for more at this point, would have given all the humiliating words Kasper wanted to hear and pulled ruthlessly at his sac until he wept. Logan would have unbound one hand so he could use his lancets and– His eyes darted down to his bag, where he kept all his fetish gear, including the sterile bloodplay kit. It should have made him happy that he hadn't cut since Kasper had left. It should have made him proud that he'd found the strength to withstand the intense cravings, the need that still drove him crazy some nights as he'd touch himself. Instead, it just left him with a sour taste in the back of his throat. Blood was the only thing he had left that was his, that had always been his since he'd first fucked his boyfriend in the shower after swim class. He'd be damned to hell before he let Kasper take that away from him. He pulled the rope at Parker's groin and stroked the needy cock that twitched and leaked against his fingertips. It wasn't Kasper he missed. As he watched Parker's beautiful body writhe and teeter on the edge, he convinced himself it was the blood he truly craved, not the soothing smile and perfect ass Kasper had boasted. At least that was a familiar problem, one he knew how to seek help for. Everything would be all right. He'd just see another psychologist about his fetish, and getting that under control would bring back the happiness he'd glimpsed. All he needed was the blood. Parker jerked and came over his hand, screaming behind the gag several times as the last hour of play finally culminated in a mind-blowing orgasm, and Logan smiled as he leaned down to purr soothing words into his submissive's ear. What he had with Parker wasn't a relationship, but it was casual and easy, and Logan nodded to himself in satisfaction. Relationships were overrated.

Kasper walked through the door and into the dark, neon-lighted atmosphere of Dominion, a large fetish club he'd managed to become a member of. He'd been proud when he hadn't needed Logan to get him in. Even prouder that he hadn't needed Logan at all. He was attractive enough that there had been several men and women eager to master him those first weeks. Now, though, it was getting rather difficult to find a partner to top him. It annoyed him. He leaned against the bar, hiding the wince of pain he felt as he pressed bruised ribs to the unforgiving edge of the bar. "Manny!" he called over the loud thump of the music. The bartender turned and smiled at him and, before he even asked, a bottle of his favorite sports drink was in his hands. "Thanks! Malcolm here yet?" Manny shook his head. "Not yet. There's a new guy, though. Name's Darryl. Might be up your alley. Been here once before. Played tic-tac-toe on Suzie's back with a single tail."

Kasper's eyebrows raised, knowing Manny was being literal. That kind of work required excellent control and precision. He tipped Manny and headed off to find this Darryl. As he walked through the crowd, his eyes caught that of a tall, broad, very dark skinned man. Everyone called him Butch. Butch had been fun for about the course of an hour, until the man had caught on to what Kasper had been doing. It had thrilled Kasper that Butch was a master with the bull whip. No one had used one of those on him. After chatting Butch up for fifteen minutes, they'd gone upstairs to the playrooms. Butch had called an end to their games when blood had flowed. Kasper was still pissed. It had been just like Cody, who'd lectured him after a caning had left him criss-crossed with bloody welts, or Cherry, who hadn't been too happy with him for letting her practically break his wrist. And Jack... oh, Jack had been, by far, the worst. Jack hadn't cared about welting him, bruising him, bleeding him, or making him sob. That had thrilled Kasper, made his cock hard, made him strive to be even better. What Jack had gotten his panties in a bunch over had been when Kasper had cajoled him into breath play... and hadn't told him when to stop squeezing his throat. Butch looked away from him, and Kasper scoffed, heading deeper into the club. Logan had said it was all about the sub, right? If he didn't use his safeword, if he welcomed the pain, why the hell did the tops always bitch and moan about him being some sort of pain queen? He wasn't! He knew what he liked, what he wanted, what he needed, and he wasn't about to be told by some powertripping Dom what he really needed. He wasn't on the lookout for some fucking Daddy figure. He wanted a top that could challenge him, take him, make him feel. Kasper wanted a top he could make proud and please, that he was perfect for. Someone who wasn't such a pussy as to get squeamish when things were just starting to get interesting. Kasper had thought that top was Logan. Stupid him. His cellphone buzzed in his pocket. He pulled it out and saw Adam's name on the screen. Kasper shook his head and sent the call to voice mail. He didn't have time for another lecture from Adam about how he shouldn't squander the opportunity at happiness he had with Logan, how good he and Logan had looked together, how Logan was this, or why not Logan that. Logan, Logan, Logan. Fuck Logan, Kasper said for the thousandth time. Logan was old news. He located Darryl, a beautiful bear of a man, in the center of the dance floor. Kasper's eyes traced the strong arms, the large hands, and the impressive bulge of the man's leather pants. New blood, which meant all Kasper had to do was get his hands on him first, before any of the other tops had a chance to ruin it for him. That had happened before. Kasper would see a new face in the club, but before he could make his way across the room, someone like Butch or Jack or one of the others would cozy up to the newcomer and 'warn' them about Kasper. Like he was some kind of Typhoid Mary to be avoided at all costs. Fucking prima-donnas thinking they had the right to pass judgment on who was and wasn't worthy of their attentions. Not this time, though. This time, Kasper made his way quickly through the throng of people, moving his body in time with the music, until he was dancing with Darryl. He smiled up at the man, loving how those big hands grasped his bruised hips in a strong grip, almost like Logan's hands once had. Darryl grinned, bright white teeth in his dark face, and Kasper idly flicked one of the gold rings threaded through Darryl's nipple. "You're new," Kasper called as Darryl rubbed their groins together. Darryl's hands tightened on him, and Kasper moaned as dull pain radiated from his hips. "I'm not." "May be new," Darryl said, "but I'm not green."

Kasper lifted his face, offering his lips to Darryl as his hand slid down the man's chest and abs. "Good, 'cause I don't do green."

Chapter Fifteen Logan had been smart this time. He sat across from the older red-haired woman. She was the new psychologist he'd found. Married, mother of three, and a highly respected member of the community. Dr. Kerill was everything Kasper hadn't been, and Logan was downright thankful for Adam's help in finding her. "Mr. Walker, I see you were Dr. Bromley's patient for a number of months, but then stopped your therapy abruptly. Now you're seeking therapy with me instead of returning to your previous doctor. Would you mind telling me why?" she asked, looking up from her file on him and smiling pleasantly. Crap. One thing he hadn't completely thought through was how to explain everything without giving away shit that would ruin Kasper's career. That thought gave Logan pause for a few seconds. Why the hell did he care anymore? Kasper had used him, fucked him over, and then chosen to leave. Kasper probably deserved to be fucked over in return, but Logan just couldn't do that. No matter how much he hated what had happened, he couldn't take away Kasper's job, just like Kasper couldn't take away his blood fetish. It wouldn't be right. Logan took a deep breath in, stalling for a few extra seconds, and let it out slowly. "Dr. Bromley told me my condition could be controlled with the help of an understanding lover. I... quit my therapy 'cause I found one." There. That was vague enough to satisfy, right? Dr. Kerill raised an eyebrow. "Has that relationship since ended?" Logan clenched his jaw but nodded. "Yeah. Back to square fucking one." "It's usually not in a patient's best interest to simply refocus their attentions." Dr. Kerill tapped her lips with her pen thoughtfully. "You say you wish to address a fetish of yours having to do with the drawing and drinking of blood. Aside from the obvious biohazard that such a thing poses, has anyone told you that fetishes are quite normal?" He couldn't help but break a smile at that. "Duh. One night at Metronyx would tell you that much... but I haven't met many others with my fetish." Which made him think it was either less commonplace or everyone else had the sense to repress it before it got as bad as his. "And you wish to overcome this fetish?" "I don't know," Logan grumbled honestly. "I still think it's dangerous, but losing it sounds torturous, too. I have a fear of getting on a slippery slope and ending up with someone else in the hospital 'cause I couldn't control myself." Dr. Kerill nodded. "Did you lose control with the lover you're no longer with?" Logan shifted uncomfortably in his seat. He didn't want to think about that night, but how could he not? It was almost like a sensory memory. He could practically feel the scalpel in his hand again, the plastic biting into his palm. Clenching and releasing his hands, he murmured. "I got close. He...

wanted me to cut him, and part of me knew no matter how deeply I cut, it would never be enough for him. Nothing ever was." "So, it wasn't your fetish but his own that drove you apart?" Logan's eyes focused on the rug beneath his feet. "I guess so, though you'd have a hell of a time trying to tell him that." He hadn't really thought of Kasper's needs as a fetish. It was a struggle to find the right words to describe Kasper. "He was obsessed with perfection." "Perfection is something no one can obtain, but many strive to. Did he place demands on you that you could not meet? Was it you he demanded perfection of?" "K–" Logan had to catch himself before saying Kasper's name out loud. He stumbled for a moment, frowning. "Kinda, I guess," he said, saving his ass and quickly continuing. "He had a weird sense of perfection, though. He probably thought the perfect Dom would beat the living shit out of him without batting an eyelash." Hurt spiked through him when he remembered what Kasper had said, that he'd just find someone who would do what Logan wouldn't. "Such bullshit. I thought I'd taught him better." But obviously he hadn't. He looked up at Dr. Kerill. "Is it my fault he's like this?" Dr. Kerill smiled, her face full of understanding. "No, Mr. Walker. A desire to please, to be perfect, is a long-reaching psychological issue. It isn't something that just happens during a relationship. Whatever your lover's shortcomings, they are not your doing. If you were able to resist his desire to have you cut him and indulge in your blood fetish, then I am not certain it is the fetish that is the real reason you've come to see me." "What are you talking about?" Logan asked a bit too quickly, crossing his arms and glaring at her warily. "This relationship of yours, I think it is the reason you're here." Dr. Kerill sat forward in her chair. "How long has it been since you parted ways?" Logan didn't like this new line of questioning, and he made sure Dr. Kerill knew it by the anger in his eyes. "'Bout a month now," he answered curtly. Actually it had been exactly thirty-four days, but he wasn't counting or anything. "You don't want to talk about it," she said with a faint smile. "No, I don't. It's not exactly pleasant shit to remember. And it's not why I made this appointment," he insisted, hoping his anger didn't give away just how vulnerable the questions made him feel inside. Dr. Kerill watched him for a long time, and it made Logan inwardly squirm. "What?" he demanded. "I think that it's exactly why you made this appointment. You went to Dr. Bromley to see to your blood fetish. He felt you needed a lover who could balance that fetish within you, which you seemed to have found. And yet, that relationship ended a month ago because this man had unrealistic expectations of perfection for himself and for you. But, you're still very angry over it all." She tilted her head. "Why?" "Why am I angry?" Logan asked incredulously. When she nodded, he balked. He didn't want to talk about it, didn't want to rant and rave. He'd already done that to Josh, Hiro, and Hiro's sub, Yuri. The longer she stared at him, so patient and poised, the more agitated he became, and he growled as he cracked under the pressure. "Fine! I'm pissed off because I let him in. I told him everything about me, and he got to know me so fucking well that it was a walk in the park for him to manipulate me for months on end. I'm pissed because I finally let my guard down and let myself get trampled, all right?" Dr. Kerill remained calm and composed. "So you feel he betrayed you." Logan felt that telltale stinging in his sinuses and ground his teeth together. "Yeah. That's exactly how I feel."

"Have you faced that emotion, Logan?" she asked, and he noticed her casual use of his name this time. "Have you looked into yourself and taken proper stock of the damage that has been done? It's difficult when someone we love betrays–" "Wait a sec. I didn't say I loved him," Logan snapped. "I just said I let him in. You know, long talks and shit." Dr. Kerill smiled. "Logan." "No." He refused to answer that unspoken question. He suddenly resented her friendly, knowing smile. "And no, I haven't taken stock. It's painful. I don't want to." Christ, that sounded childish of him. "I think that's part of your difficulty in concentrating or establishing a new relationship," Dr. Kerill said. "You need to mourn the loss of this relationship first." "I don't want to mourn it." Logan's eyes searched the room for something to focus on. Anything that would keep his eyes from meeting hers. "I took down his collar and changed the sheets, but he's still there, and I don't want to mourn. It'll mean it's over, that he won't come to his fucking senses... that it was all a waste of fucking time, energy, and emotion." "You're still waiting for him to come back," she murmured. "That's stupid. I have Parker now." His tone was so weak he didn't even convince himself. Parker wasn't like Kasper. No matter how much edgeplay they did, he knew they'd never be on the same level that he'd been on with Kasper. "If it were stupid, you wouldn't have just told me that to mourn it would mean it is most assuredly over and he won't be coming back," Dr. Kerill reminded him. "Parker, it seems, is merely a stand-in for the time being." Logan's heart pounded in his chest, and he clamped his mouth shut. She was right. They both knew it, but he didn't want to admit it. Fortunately, the clock saved him at that moment. The timer rang out signaling the end of their session, and he quickly retreated from Dr. Kerill's office, pausing only long enough at the reception desk to book his next appointment. As he stepped out into the breezy spring evening, thunder rumbled above him, and he thought there wasn't a more appropriate sound to greet his mood than that.

Kasper had lost track of time. He no longer knew how long he'd been bound to the whipping pole in the center of the room, or how many of the guests had taken their turn with him. But it didn't matter. All that mattered was how fucking good he felt in the moment. His balls were pressed between an adjustable plexiglass smasher, a thick plug had been shoved inside him, and the cock ring Mistress Kara had put on him ensured he stayed nice and hard. Not that it was a problem for him. No, so long as they kept beating him, he could come three or four times in a night. He loved it. His hosts loved it. And the guests... well... they made it all worth it for Kasper. He'd made his way into these private parties when Dominion had finally had enough of him. He couldn't go to Metronyx because that was Logan's stomping ground. But, he had impressed a couple of the more extreme tops at Dominion and lucked into his first invite to a private party. Almost no rules, no one judging him, and the first night at Master Stephen's, he'd flown so high, Kasper had known he'd achieved that legendary subspace he'd been striving for since the first time Logan had paddled him. It was Logan he'd wanted to show him these heights, show him just how deep he could sink into that addictive place where pain was pleasure. Instead, he was with strangers, people he didn't think about beyond which one would top him best that night. It was hollow in many ways, yes, and

more than once he'd wanted to call Logan, reach out, beg his old lover to take him back and be the one to make him fly, but he knew Logan would never give this to him. As a leather strap landed heavily across his back, all thoughts of Logan flew from his mind, which is how Kasper liked it. Nothing but the pain and arousal, pleasure that was bruised and bleeding. He moaned, shuddering in his bonds as he felt his ribs ache from the blow. It was something he'd quickly grown used to, the constant ache of his ribs, his pelvis, the bones in his arms and shoulders. The Oxy helped that, though, and let him linger in the subspace haze a little longer. It always took longer and more for him to reach that first high he'd felt with that first, solid beating, but once he got there, he did everything he could to stay. No one questioned him. No one chastised him as if he couldn't take care of himself. Party after party, weekend after weekend, Kasper never stopped. He panted and leaned up into the next strike of the strap, the sound of the leather hitting his sweaty, bruised flesh a surprisingly dull thwap in his ears. He had been more than warmed up, and the one behind the strap didn't allow him much reprieve between blows. It was just how he wanted it, no rest, no long pauses to stimulate his mind, just the fall of the strap and the burn it sent across his skin. The pressure behind the blows was slow to increase, and he shifted a little, impatient for more. A particularly harsh strike landed, stilling him in place, and he heard delighted laughter sound around him, amused murmurs about how eager he was, even after the first few rounds with the other tops. He liked their praise, but it wasn't what he was after, and if they waited too long, he'd never make it to that space he was almost desperate to reach. He felt cool, leather-clad hands slide up his burning back and moaned. They were small hands, but they knew how to touch him. They slid around his aching ribs and plucked at his nipples as a warm, pleased voice lilted to his ears. "You're so passionate," she murmured, voice like velvet. She was one of perhaps a dozen women at the party, and Kasper couldn't muster up the wherewithal to scrounge his memory for her name. "You bore the strap so well, and you want more. Mistress Zarah is here." Kasper groaned. Zarah. Fuck him. She was one of the best in the area with a bullwhip. His cock pulsed while his head lolled forward, his knees weak. He hadn't had a bullwhip used on him since that lone night in Dominion with Darryl. Darryl had been good, but not as good as Zarah was supposed to be. The woman behind him fiddled with the plug in his ass as she chuckled. "You want Mistress Zarah's lash? How many can you endure, Kasper?" "Whatever... would please you... Mistress," he moaned. "If it's too much, use your safeword," she said, and then her hands were gone. The voices around him were a dull hum as he heard the rustle and creak of leather. There was silence a couple seconds behind him, and he nearly jumped when another female voice sounded in his ear, much closer than he had anticipated. "I am Mistress Zarah," the voice purred, and the final 'r' trilled sensually with her accent. "I can tell you'll soar high from the pain of my lash. Answer simply and honestly. Do you want me to raise welts over your skin?" "Yes," Kasper answered immediately, his pulse racing. "Do you want me to make you bleed?" He groaned at the question. "Yes." Zarah hummed approvingly against his ear, and he felt a shiver race down his spine. "Do you want me to push you to your limits?" When he only moaned and shifted in his bonds, she chuckled, drawing a nail over one of the bruises forming on his back. "Answer, or I will not begin."

"Yes!" he breathed, panting as the sting of the simple touch at his back sent a jolt of need to settle hotly in his bound cock and balls. He could feel the sudden absence of heat as Zarah moved away, obviously satisfied with his answers. His skin tingled with each crack of the whip that sounded as Zarah warmed up, snapping the whip near his body but never quite touching it. The sounds alone made his heart simply race, even with the drugs he'd taken before they bound him, and he wanted to squirm. Squirming, though, would be frowned upon. He'd wind up throwing Zarah off. Kasper didn't want that. He wanted the welts she promised, the blood he knew she could draw, and the sob he felt welling in his throat wasn't from fear, but regret. Kasper wished, in those dark moments before the bullwhip kissed his skin the first time, that Logan were here to see him, to tend to him when it was all over. He knew when it was over, he'd be alone with his pain, very little pride lingering as he hobbled his way home, because he had only pleased a group of nameless tops for a short breath of time. Then, the lash fell across his bruised and burning back, stealing his breath and his thoughts with the sharp, stinging burn he'd only vaguely remembered from Darryl. Kasper moved with the whip, his legs shaking as he felt her warm him up, test him. Not many could take a full lashing from a bullwhip, but Kasper was hell-bent on doing it now. He'd make them gasp with awe at his submission, at his tolerance for their pain. All he wanted in return was that high, that solitary place where there was nothing but the building pleasure and glorious white noise. Zarah was precise in every strike, and he only vaguely realized she was outlining his shoulder blades when she repeated the movements on both sides of his body. The closer she came to the tender flesh of his underarms, the stronger his urge to squirm and pull at his bonds became. The pain was incredible as the lash moved lower, and a steady rhythm was set as his bruised ass became the focus. She was showing off. He knew how beautiful a single tail whip could be in the hands of a skilled top. Still, Kasper was impatient, wanting more. It was taking too long. He wanted sharper sensation, a push higher, a single sensation, a single note that would push him over the edge and he could plummet heedlessly into oblivion. Zarah wouldn't be rushed, though, and he whimpered, gripped at the cuffs that kept his arms bound to the pole. The strikes grew harsher gradually, but right when Kasper expected her to truly pick up momentum, she plateaued, and a needy groan left his lips, met only with her soft laughter. She never paused, but after the gentle amusement of the audience died down, she gave Kasper exactly what he had been waiting for. The lash kissed his backside with a great deal more force, and the welts that she had promised began to form, each strike placed in a design that spanned from his thighs all the way up to his shoulder blades. He couldn't believe how much stamina Zarah possessed, but then again, time seemed to not register right for him in these sessions. He didn't know how long he'd been bound and beaten before Zarah had started, and now... now he was no closer to knowing, and he was far from caring. Welts gave way quickly to the sharp, breath-stealing bite of skin breaking under the pressure of the whipping. Kasper cried out, his hands sweaty, aching as his grip tightened more on the cuffs. He couldn't keep still, every lash making his heart jump and another shout leave his throat. His world boiled down to that singular sensation, skin splitting, blood trickling, and his voice rasping out of his throat. His cock strained in the ring, the length of him slick with his own fluids, and his head spun as he panted unevenly. It was like a roller-coaster, and he was waiting on that highest wave, waiting for momentum to carry him down the rushing track and into the mind-blowing pleasure within his reach. Just as he

thought he would peak, sink into that beautiful subspace, his vision went dark. He drew in several panicked breaths, his hearing becoming muffled and distant, and then Zarah let loose with a series of vicious lashes. Kasper counted three of them just before he came, and then the inky blackness of unconsciousness stole all pleasure, pain, and sense from him.

Chapter Sixteen Logan sat down at the table he customarily occupied whenever he had lunch at Zen. It was only a minute before he started tapping his fingertips on the tabletop. He already knew what he would order, but he wasn't eating alone. Hungry as he was, he was determined to wait. The phone call from Hiro had been an unexpected surprise, and he was more than eager to sit down and talk with his friend. Besides, Dr. Kerill insisted it was good for his therapy. His brow furrowed with annoyance at the thought, but he perked up when he saw Hiro enter the restaurant, and he waved him over with a smile. Hiro sat down, grinning. "Hey," he said, unrolling his napkin and setting it in his lap. "I halfexpected you to come up with some excuse to not meet up." Logan sighed. It had been ages since he'd spent any time with Hiro, mainly because Hiro was into the scene and Logan had been trying to keep it to just him and Parker for now. "I know. I've just been busy. Between work and Parker and therapy–" "I still can't believe you're in therapy," Hiro said, nodding to the waitress. "Did your break-up with that guy go that badly?" "I'm in therapy for the blood fetish, not my break-up," Logan grumbled, though it was obvious from Hiro's pointed look that he wasn't fooling anyone, not even himself. "Fine. It sucked balls, all right?" The waitress came to their table and took their orders quickly as they rattled them off without even looking at the menu. They handed the menus to her, and she left just as quickly as she'd arrived, promising their tea and miso would be out shortly. Logan sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "Parker's a good sub." "But?" Hiro prompted. "But things haven't been the same since Kasper left," Logan grudgingly admitted. "What do you mean?" Logan fiddled with his water glass. "I mean, I can't stop thinking about him. I can't get him out of my mind. Even when I'm fucking Parker, I'm thinking of Kasper." Hiro chuckled. "You're in love." "No, I'm not," Logan snorted. "I'm just..." He sighed. "I just miss him. It was really spectacular with him." "Well, you can't have a sub who tops from the bottom," Hiro said. "And that's all Kasper does. Most of the Doms and Dommes won't touch him." Logan frowned, and not just because he'd pronounced 'Dommes' as two syllables, which annoyed Logan despite it becoming common practice. No, it was because Hiro had said that so matter-of-factly. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, he was kicked out of Dominion two months ago. He's been working the private circuit since. Mistress Zarah's pretty pissed at him at the moment," Hiro replied, moaning softly when their tea was placed on the table. "No one makes green tea like Zen, man." "Mistress Zarah?" Logan nearly choked on his own tea, and a little of the steaming fluid sloshed over the rim of his teacup. He hissed and set the cup down, quickly drying his fingers with his napkin. "Shit. Zarah's gotta be the best with a single tail in the whole damn state of Massachusetts!" "She would claim she's the best on the East Coast," Hiro murmured rather serenely, sipping his tea. Worry shot through Logan. If Kasper had been kicked out of the clubs and was getting his kicks from the private parties around, the shit had really hit the fan. "I thought it would do Kasper good to break up with him. Dammit, Hiro, he shouldn't be pissing off people like Zarah!" "You didn't even ask me how he pissed her off." Logan wasn't certain he wanted to know. "How?" "She took a six foot bullwhip to his back," Hiro said, his eyes sharp as he watched Logan. "He took the welts and, according to what I was told, wanted more. Zarah gave him more. She peeled his back pretty badly until he passed out." "Shit," Logan hissed. "Hai. Zarah had thought he was doing just fine, that he would have safeworded out of it if he was in trouble, but he just let her go. It took Carol two hours to get him up and moving on his own, and even then she didn't want to send him home." Hiro sighed. "Still, he went home, proclaiming he was all right. Of course, I could discount this as gossip, but..." "But it sounds too much like Kasper to be a fucking lie," Logan finished, and when his miso soup was set down in front of him, he found the last thing he wanted to do was eat. He'd hoped Kasper would take a clue from the way he established his boundary, but it seemed Kasper was just digging his own grave. Did the man have a fucking death wish? Logan frowned at his soup, deeply shaken by the thought of losing Kasper completely. Even if they weren't together anymore, it wasn't like he wanted Kasper to disappear completely. He didn't want Kasper harmed. That's why he'd ended it in the first place. "I have some worse news," Hiro said between bites of his soup. "I'm pretty sure he's high during his sessions at these parties." "What?" Logan all but shouted, shock and dismay stealing the breath from his lungs. It was all his worst fears combined. Kasper wasn't doing better, he was doing infinitely worse, and it made those little thoughts he'd had about contacting Kasper to check up on him flit through his mind again. Maybe if he hadn't put his foot down, Kasper really would have been better off. But if he hadn't done what he did, he would have been putting them both at risk. He'd made the right decision, or at least that's what he had been telling himself for months as he did therapy and futilely tried to have a deep connection with Parker. He shook his head, his chest aching as he whispered, "Dammit, Kasper..." Hiro leaned back in his chair. "Last time I saw him, his eyes were glassy, and that was before the session began. It's only a matter of time before the good parties stop inviting him, and you know it." "What the fuck am I supposed to do about it, huh? He used me and left me. We're not exactly on good terms right now!" But inside, Logan knew he still missed Kasper just as much as he had that first night. They weren't together anymore, but he wished they were. He wished none of this bullshit had happened. Kasper was slipping, and Logan didn't know if he had the strength to support him. Hiro shrugged. "I just thought I would pass along the gossip. You don't have to do a thing." Logan ground his teeth together and crossed his arms over his chest. He tried to convince himself that Hiro was right, but the effort only lasted the better part of a minute before he growled. "I

can't just do nothing. If he gets kicked out of the safe parties, he'll just find the unsafe ones. He won't give a shit that they're abusing the fuck out of him. All he'll care about is finding his next fix, just like a damn crystal queen." The thought of Kasper caught in that never-ending, downward spiral was unbearable, and it made him clench his jaw so tightly that he started to feel a bad headache brewing. "You still want to tell me you don't love him?" Hiro said with a lopsided grin. No matter how hard he tried to glare at Hiro, words of denial refused to pass his lips. He swallowed thickly. "I thought my life would be hell if he stayed." "But you were wrong," Hiro said evenly, compassion shining from his dark eyes. Logan finally nodded. "The real hell started when he left. It's like everything's empty... like he'd filled part of me no one else could." He suddenly felt stupid for saying it out loud and looked imploringly at Hiro. "Am I just that fucking pathetic, or do you ever feel that way about Yuri?" "That my life would be empty without her?" Hiro asked with a smile. At Logan's nod, his eyes got a fond look in them, and Logan noticed the way he unconsciously tinkered with the wedding ring on his left hand. "All the time." Logan let out a long exhale and nodded. Standing from his seat, he rummaged in his shoulder bag until he found his wallet. He tossed a couple bills down onto the table. "The sushi's on me, sempai." Hiro grinned. "Go fetch your boy. And good use of sempai." Logan managed a smile before turning to leave. As he stepped out onto Beacon Street, he pulled out his cell phone and hastily punched in a number. He waited, and when the other end picked up, he didn't waste any time. "Hey, Adam. It's Logan. I think I need your help..."

Logan let himself into Kasper's house. It was pretty nice digs. Upscale suburban neighborhood, and Logan was sure it had put Kasper back a pretty penny. He shut the door and tossed the keys Adam had given him, along with the GoogleMap directions, onto an entry table. Despite the amount of mail that had been been piling up on the table and spilling over onto the floor, the house looked pretty damn spotless as he moved through it. No dishes in the gorgeous, modern kitchen. No trash piled up by the garage door. Nothing out of place as he walked through the dining room and family room with its amazing entertainment center. He paused by the sofa table and clicked 'Play' on the answering machine. Kasper? Kasper, it's Adam. I haven't heard from you in three weeks! Please, call me. Beep. Dr. Bromley, it's Karen again. We need you to fax those notarized transfers to the office before September. The new therapist is set to move into your office on the first. Call me when you have a moment. Beep. Kasper! For fuck's sake! Call me! Adam again. Beep. Over thirty messages. Weeks of messages Kasper hadn't bothered to check. Just like his cellphone, which Logan had tried to call and found the voice mail full. He looked up the stairs. "Kasper?" He started up the stairs, moving slowly up into the dim hallway. "Kasper, I know you're here. It's Logan." There was no answer, and as much as Logan wasn't for barging into someone else's space, it worried him that Kasper had completely neglected his life. There were doors lining the hallway, and he

checked each one as he passed. A spare bedroom, then another, and then a small bathroom. The two doors at the end of the hall beckoned, and he almost sighed his frustration when he opened one door to yet another empty bedroom, spotless as all the others had been. Closing the door behind him, he stared across the hallway at the one door left. Fear was a bitterness in his throat, and he paused with his hand on the doorknob. He wasn't sure he was ready to see what was behind the door, but ready or not, he had to find Kasper and help him. He took a calming breath in and let it out slowly before turning the knob. What greeted him on the other side wasn't quite as bad as he'd prepared himself for. There were clothes scattered around the room, most tossed toward a hamper that was now overflowing with club-worthy outfits and a few leather pieces Logan knew you couldn't just toss into the washer. The bed in the room was large, and it was piled with blankets in a way that immediately set off little red flags in his mind. His heart pounded as he swiftly rounded the bed, and the first glimpse of Kasper he'd had in months sent his chest aching. Peeking out from beneath all those blankets was a very pale face, mottled with deep bruises. Kasper's lip had split as well, and his cheeks were hollowed out like he hadn't eaten for weeks. Against his better judgment, Logan pulled back the blankets, and hissed in a gasp. "Oh, Kasper," he whispered, taking in the battered body. Kasper was deathly pale now, the healthy tan he remembered completely lost. He was cut to utter shit, some of the wounds so fresh they stuck to the sheets. Logan recognized the cuts and punctures of half a dozen different implements, and it horrified him that Kasper had endured all that pain without once telling anyone to stop. He licked his lips and shook his head, jostling himself out of the shock. His hand paused midway to Kasper, and he tried to find an area of the man's torso to touch that wasn't bruised. He settled for a small portion of Kasper's waist, and gave Kasper a gentle shake. "Kasper? Kasper, wake up." Kasper was cold to the touch. Bundled under all those blankets, and he was icy cold. Logan cursed and went into the bathroom, turning on the hot water tap and plugging the garden tub. He rushed back in and crouched down, his fingers brushing along one of those hollowed cheeks. "C'mon, Kas, wake up. Wake up!" Kasper jerked awake, his eyes slow to focus, and a sleepy, drugged grin curved his lips, breaking open the crack on his lower lip. "Logan," he slurred. "I wondered if I'd see you again. I'm so happy to see you." "I'm happy to see you're still breathing, you stupid asshole," Logan snapped. "What the hell have you done to yourself?" "I've been playing," Kasper said. Logan watched as Kasper painfully stood from the bed, and he shook his head. "That's not playing. You look like you went ten rounds with an abusive boyfriend." Kasper wobbled as he made his way into the bathroom. "Abusive? Nah. Abusive means I don't consent. What they do to me, I beg for. You 'member, don't you?" He opened his medicine cabinet and grabbed one of the orange bottles, dumping three of the pills into his palm. "I do. You were the one who showed me how good this felt." Logan thought he would be sick for a few seconds, and he snatched the pills out of Kasper's hand, only to look up and see the two shelves of Kasper's medicine cabinet stocked full of prescription bottles. "What the fuck are you taking?" Kasper glared at him. "What the hell do you care?" "From the look of it, I'm the only one who does," Logan growled, choosing anger over the hurt that was settling heavily in his gut. He glanced over some of the pills' names in the cabinet and shook his head in disbelief. A bunch of them had to be pain pills, and there was an anti-inflammatory he

recognized beside another bottle that was labeled an antibiotic. Had it never occurred to Kasper that, if he needed all sorts of drugs just to function, things had gone too far? "No, you didn't! Get out," Kasper said, and Logan watched him snatch up a bottle of Percocet. "You told me to go, and I left. You don't... don't get to come back in and tell me I'm doing it all wrong." "Like hell I don't! You're abusing prescription drugs and letting people beat you so hard you pass out. This is not what BDSM is supposed to be! What's in your head that has you thinking this is okay?" Kasper tapped out two pills and popped them in his mouth almost immediately, cupping his hand under the running faucet. Logan growled, but Kasper ignored him. "What's in my head?" Kasper asked. "It feels good." "Bullshit! Nothing that leaves you with weeping wounds and bruises the color of eggplants feels good." He grabbed Kasper and made him look in the mirror, which he'd noticed Kasper was avoiding. "You're skin and bones! You look sick." Kasper yanked away, but he stumbled and fell to the floor. He glowered up at Logan, his eyes full of tears. "I fly! I'm so good they gasp in awe!" "They gasp in horror, wondering how you got to be so much of a pain slut that the mere concept of a safeword is lost on you!" Logan crouched down, his dark eyes furious. "They gasp because they see how addicted you are and wonder when you'll sink so low that you'll smile as someone slits your throat. If you keep this up, you'll just end up dead in the fucking gutter, and no one in the community will give a shit that you're gone." Logan's heart broke as tears slid down Kasper's cheeks. He loved this mess of a man, and he knew it, or else he wouldn't be here. "Come on." He lifted Kasper to his feet, trying not to cringe as he truly felt just how thin Kasper had gotten. It took a little navigating, but he finally got Kasper into the bathtub and shut off the faucet. "Do you think you can manage not to drown if I duck down to the kitchen?" Kasper just stared at the surface of the water. Logan shook his head. "I'll be right back." Navigating his way back down to the kitchen was easy, but he skidded to a halt when he opened up the refrigerator. Milk, eggs, butter, orange juice, and horribly wilted salad greens were all that remained. "Holy shit," he muttered, his eyes darting upstairs. He didn't have time to fix something up from scratch. His eyes scanned the kitchen and spotted the pantry. He held his breath as he opened the door and flicked on the light. He laughed and snatched up a can from the shelves. "He's human after all," he mused, pulling the tab up and opening the top of the chicken noodle soup. He found the rest of what he needed quickly enough in the huge kitchen, and a couple minutes later, he had a hot bowl of soup in his hands. He returned to the bathroom upstairs, careful not to spill any of the soup on the way. Logan set the soup on the counter to cool for a moment, and then turned his attention back to Kasper. "Am I going to have to bathe you like a two-year-old?" Kasper slowly looked up at him, solemn and broken. "Why did you come back?" "I had to come back," Logan hedged. "I couldn't let you keep fucking yourself over." "So I'm your good deed?" Logan glared. "No." Kasper reached over and picked up the soap, slowly washing himself. "I can take care of myself." "Obviously, you fucking can't. When was the last time you ate?" Kasper shrugged, and Logan grasped his chin and forced their eyes to meet. "Clean yourself up. I'll bandage you up while you eat, and then I'll put you back to bed. Where are your clean sheets?" "In the linen closet over there." Logan nodded. "Okay. Give me a sec, and I'll help you out of the tub."

He found a set of dark sheets in the linen closet and, with the smallest backward glance, made his way into the bedroom. He kicked a pair of leather pants out of the way and stripped Kasper's bed, still astonished by the number of blankets layered on top of the comforter. When he'd stuffed the dirty sheets into the hamper with the discarded clothes, he remade the bed. It was a bit more awkward than usual, the size of the bed working against him, and he sighed. Kasper wanted to know why he was back and why he cared. He knew the answer, of course, but it was difficult to say it aloud. Seeing Kasper like this scared the shit out of him. If he hadn't come back, Kasper really would have let himself just waste away under the delusion that all the pain and sickness was worth it. Worth what, exactly? Logan had understood when Kasper was desperate to please him, and he would have understood if it was that simple drive to impress, but it was deeper than that. Kasper's need for perfection was deeply engrained, and he didn't really know how to fight something like that. He didn't know how to fix it, if indeed it could be fixed. He looked back toward the bathroom as he got the comforter back on the bed and put a couple blankets on top, folding the others and setting them aside. When he stepped into the bathroom again, the need to help and protect Kasper from harm swelled inside him, and he tried to ignore the heat that rose to his cheeks. Kasper was thoroughly washed, the water pink-tinged and grimy. "Okay, time to get you dry and fed," Logan murmured. He drained the tub, grabbed a thick towel from the rack, and wrapped it around Kasper, helping him out of the tub. "You feel like telling me what it is you were trying to prove doing this?" "I just... I reached subspace once," Kasper whispered. "It felt amazing." Logan frowned as he set Kasper down and handed him his bowl of soup. "You did all this just to reach subspace?" "I hit it once, but the next time, it took more. And the Domme was so impressed that I could take the beating with the strap." Logan shook his head as he dried Kasper off, encouraging Kasper to eat between tending to the open cuts littering the man's emaciated body. "You hit subspace, and you impressed a Domme." Kasper breathed, "I impressed them all." "And it still wasn't enough, was it? Who are you really trying to impress? 'Cause it sure as hell isn't the Dommes or some audience watching you bleed all over the floor." "You weren't there," Kasper muttered. "Always in my damn thoughts, but not there to be pleased by how far I could go and how much I could take." Sadness crept into Logan's tone. "Why would I be pleased by this?" he asked, drawing a thumb full of salve over a particularly deep cut that was struggling to heal. "Why would I be happy that you're willing to throw everything in your life away to experience one more beating?" Kasper's eyes gazed at him with a desperate fire. "Because then I'd be everything you could possibly want from a sub." Logan clenched his jaw to keep it from quivering. "My perfect sub... would be someone passionate, honest... someone whose eyes would light up whenever I'd surprise him in a scene. He'd be more than just a hot ass and lips that loved to worship my cock. He'd be my friend, someone I could tell anything to. Someone who would encourage, but know when to tell me to stop. My perfect sub would be imperfect and unashamed of it, because he'd know that it's all the imperfections that make him unique, that keep me on my toes during each scene." He swallowed thickly around the emotion that threatened to choke him. "I would have told you that my perfect sub would be you... but not like this." He gestured to Kasper's broken, malnourished body. Shame seemed to fill Kasper's eyes, and Logan watched as color suffused the pale face. "Kas, you're killing yourself," Logan whispered.

Kasper set his bowl aside, his shoulders slumping. "I'm so sleepy." "I'll help you into bed," Logan murmured, spreading the last of the ointment and attaching a couple bandages before wrapping Kasper's torso to keep everything safe, if only from the sheets. He made quick work of cleaning up, and then gathered Kasper back into his arms, carrying him to the bed. It took him only a few moments to settle Kasper in the bed, covering him with the comforter and blankets. Logan was about to head to one of the guest rooms when Kasper's hand grasped his wrist weakly. "Kas?" "Where are you going?" Logan's heart lurched at the fear he heard in that simple question. "Nowhere." "The bed is big enough for both of us." A smile tugged at his lips. "Yeah, it is." Kasper closed his eyes. "Please, don't make me beg. Not yet." "No, no begging. Let me just get undressed." Amid all the sadness and that hint of lingering anger, a certain warmth took hold in Logan's chest while he stripped off his t-shirt, jeans, and underwear. It was that part of him that had felt so empty without Kasper close. It was like, even in his fragile state, Kasper breathed life into that part of him. So much was still fucked up, but there was that smallest glimmer of hope. Kasper still wanted him close, and, despite it all, he still wanted Kasper close. It probably wouldn't have seemed like much to most people, but it was something. Once he was naked, he climbed over Kasper onto the empty side of the bed and pulled the covers and blankets up over them. With only a second of hesitancy, he wrapped his arms around Kasper and gingerly pulled him close. "I'll take care of you, Kas," he promised softly, pressing his lips lingeringly to Kasper's cool forehead. "You don't have to." Logan smiled. "I want to." There wasn't a response to that, and Logan was all right with the silence. It wasn't long before Kasper became a heavy weight in his arms, his breath puffing steadily against his skin, and Logan closed his eyes. "Sleep," he told Kasper, gently combing his fingers through blond hair. "We'll try to start again tomorrow."

Chapter Seventeen A sunbeam landed across his closed eyes, and Kasper groaned as he rolled over in bed. He was alone in the bed, but he had the vague memory of going to bed with someone. After a moment of searching through his hazy thoughts, he groaned again. Logan. Logan had come here and thrust his nose where it just wasn't needed. It was wise, then, that the asshole had left before he woke up. It didn't matter that their break up had been months ago, he was still angry over the whole thing. Logan had turned him inside out and then left him to hang. The last thing he needed was reopening of that particular wound. Kasper hefted himself out of bed, his bones aching. He was pretty sure that was from a mixture of the BDSM and his poor diet of late, but it would all be better once he had his morning cocktail of pills. They helped make the aftermath of his play bearable. He hobbled into the bathroom, splashed some cool water on his face, and then opened the medicine cabinet. He blinked several times, wondering if he was hallucinating, but it was real. The medicine cabinet was bare of everything but bandages, ointments, aspirin, and cold medicine. Kasper frantically searched his drawers, cabinets, and trashcan, but there wasn't a single prescription bottle to be found. Panting and near tears, Kasper heard something moving downstairs. Furious, he got to his feet, yanked on a pair of sweatpants, and slowly, painfully, made his way down the stairs, through the living room, paused in the dining room, and finally made it to the doorway of his kitchen. "Where the hell are they?" Kasper rasped out. Logan paused in putting away groceries and smiled pleasantly at Kasper. "You were out of just about everything, so I went to the store this morning. I can have a decent breakfast ready for you in about fifteen minutes." "Where are they?" "I also called Adam. Since I did find your den here, with its computer and internet connection, I asked for two weeks away from the office. Adam fully agreed. I told him you were sick, and that I was going to take care of you." Logan paused to pour a glass of orange juice. "I even stopped at my place and picked up my things," he said, holding out the glass of juice. Kasper knocked it from Logan's hand, the glass shattering against the counter. "Where the fuck are my pills?" Logan's face lost all its warmth. Cold, dispassionate eyes gazed steadily at him. "This is a whole new day, Kasper. No more pills. No more parties. You're an addict. Pills and pain." "Give them to me." "No." "It hurts!" Kasper shouted, his whole body on fire. Logan started to pick up the broken glass. "Of course it does! You've abused your poor body, so of course it fucking hurts. Popping pills only masks the damage, lets you live in that fantasy world

of yours where you're some amazing, awe-inspiring pain queen everyone reveres! You're not. You look disgusting, behave like an addict, and have no respect for yourself or those you use." Kasper's chest was tight, and he shook his head. "I didn't use anyone." "Yes, you did." Logan looked up. "Just like an addict. It doesn't matter who you hurt so long as you get your next fix." "I'm not... an addict..." Logan smiled, but it was full of pity and dry amusement. "What is it you wanted again? Your pills?" Kasper looked away as shame filled him, heating his cheeks. "I... need them, Logan. It all hurts." "I know." Logan finished cleaning up Kasper's mess, and then he poured a new glass of juice. In one hand he offered the juice, in the other was an antibiotic and one Tylenol 3. "I will give you two pain pills a day until the injuries heal, and then I'm going to dump the rest. And you can tear this place apart, but you won't find the pills," Logan warned. On edge, Kasper took the pills and juice, swallowing them without any more hesitation. He hobbled through the kitchen to the small dinette by a window and sat heavily. God, he was in pain. Maybe it was the first time he'd been made to realize just how much, and it frightened him. Kasper glanced up as Logan moved around his kitchen, cooking for him. "I don't need you to save me," he insisted. Logan chuckled as he flipped some eggs. "Someone has to. I'm surprised your utilities are still on." "There's this glorious thing called autopay." "Ah, yes. And work?" Kasper shifted, but it made his hips grind and ache. "I quit. Well, resigned. I wasn't in a place where I could help anyone. Besides, I never really wanted to be a psychologist. That was Father's choice for me, and since he was paying for school, I did it. I have enough in savings to live comfortably for quite a while, so I won't be needing your money." "I wasn't offering my money." Logan poured the eggs onto a plate with toast smeared with jam. "It's good you don't have work, 'cause withdrawal is gonna be a bitch for you." He glared at the plate Logan set in front of him. "I wasn't taking that many pills." Logan sat across from him. "You were doped up when I arrived last night, and when I woke you up, you took more. Yeah, Kas, you were using heavily." Kasper poked at his eggs, not hungry in the slightest. "I told you I don't need you saving me." "There are going to be changes." Logan wasn't listening to him. "I want to be with you again. I didn't want you to leave in the first place, but I thought it would be best for us both. It seems I was wrong." "What if I don't want to be with you again?" Kasper asked, feeling spiteful. Sadness filled Logan's eyes. "Do you?" Kasper sighed, taking his first bite of the eggs. He used the chewing as a chance to actually turn the question over in his, amazingly, cleared mind. Logan back in his life? Isn't that what he'd wanted? It was. When he'd been sober enough to think straight, he'd missed Logan. He'd missed him a hell of a lot. Even now, the idea of having Logan with him—day in and day out—again, touching him, watching him, talking to him... it made his heart skip a beat. His eyes slowly met Logan's. "I've missed you," he admitted. Logan visibly perked, a small, wistful smile pulling at his lips. "I missed you, too. I tried not to, but it was all for shit." "How did you find out about me?" Kasper asked as he picked up his toast.

"Hiro Fujiwara," Logan said fondly. "He showed me the ropes when I first got involved in BDSM. We've been friends ever since, though we've lost touch a couple times when life got hectic. He goes to clubs, but he's gotten more into the private party circuit the last year or so." "He saw me?" The look Logan gave him said it all. "I couldn't go to the clubs anymore." Logan nodded slowly. "They don't tolerate unsafe play." "I know my limits," Kasper insisted. "Not having limits isn't a limit." "I do have limits," Kasper repeated. "It's just that no one has reached them." Logan sighed. "If someone takes a single tail to you and you say nothing, taking it 'til you've passed out from the pain, I'd bet you don't have an upper limit. At all." Kasper's head snapped up, the memory of that night muddled. "I said something." He'd begged her to basically flay him, if he recalled that correctly. "Oh?" Logan asked, his eyebrows raised skeptically. "What'd you say?" "I... don't really remember," Kasper muttered quickly. He didn't want to dive back into that. Not with Logan. When he was doing it, he'd thought about Logan seeing him lashed to the pole, the pride that would be in his eyes. Now that he was sitting across from Logan, though, he didn't think Logan would look at him like that at all. "I'd been warmed up with a strap and I had taken some Oxy before the party had started." Logan wasn't convinced. That much was clearly written on his face. "You should never take painkillers before a scene. You had trouble with limits right off the bat. Adding drugs to the mix pretty much ensured you'd go way too far." "I didn't go too far!" Kasper shouted. "I always go as far as I want!" "And just how far is that, hmm? Until someone has to peel you out of your restraints and shove an IV into your arm to counter the blood loss?" Kasper stood up, wobbling only a little, even if the room was spinning as he glared down at Logan. "I will be the best!" Logan stood and caught his arms to steady him. "No," Logan argued, looking him straight in the eyes. "You'll be dead." "So long as I'm the best," Kasper choked out, "does it really matter if I'm dead?" Kasper had been given a lot of time to think once he'd walked away from Logan, and what he'd come to understand about his own life was that it wasn't much to be proud of. A dead father, an absent mother, and a sister he barely spoke to. He had the perfect friends, had a great job that had paid well, a house he owned, a car he owned, and almost no debt. He had an easy life, too easy, and it had simply been handed to him. He'd been given the perfect life, but it was hollow and lonely and sad. What good did it do to have what everyone wanted when he didn't want it? Logan's grip on his arms tightened, and he found himself being almost roughly shaken. It made his arms ache and his head spin. "Of course, it matters if you're dead, you stupid shit!" "Why!" Kasper thought he'd throw up if Logan didn't stop shaking him. "Tell me why, Logan!" The shaking stopped, and it took a few seconds for Logan to answer. "'Cause I love you. You're a fucking mess, but I love you, dammit!" Kasper jerked away, staring incredulously at Logan. "What?" "You heard me," Logan insisted, his fingers clenching at empty air, where Kasper had stood just a moment before. Kasper shook his head a little. "You love me." It wasn't a question, just Kasper trying to digest what he'd just been told. He blinked several times, and then headed back upstairs, his head spinning. Logan loved him. Even after months apart and seeing him like this, Logan loved him. It wasn't possible. Logan had just been fucking him, right?

It'd been about the conquest, the sex, the dominance, the molding him into the perfect submissive lover, right? Right? "Kasper?" Logan had followed him, but Kasper didn't acknowledge him. He just waved his hand as he stumbled on a stair, falling to his sore knees. What shocked him was the tortured sob that ripped from his throat. He was crying. Why the hell was he crying? And when had he started? "Shit! Kasper!" The voice seemed to echo around him, and he felt more than saw as Logan settled next to him on the stairs. Logan grabbed him and hauled him up to the bend in the stairs, the small landing halfway up. He tried to push out of the grip, but Logan's arms were stronger, and he couldn't get away. "Let go," he mumbled, again trying to slip from Logan's grip, but he was just too tired to free himself. "No. I'm not letting go, and you're not gonna fucking die." Logan pulled him to the wall of the landing, and he didn't have the strength to put up a fight. Warm arms wrapped around him, held him tightly, and he couldn't tell whether it was for his benefit or Logan's. "I wanted to be perfect for you," Kasper panted, tears sliding slowly down his cheeks. He chose to blame the weeping on being tired, underfed, and not properly doped up. "But you didn't want that. They did. They would have made me perfect, Logan." "You were perfect without them. Don't you get it yet? I never wanted you to be like that. Taking all that pain would never have made you perfect to me." Kasper shook his head. "I wasn't. You didn't love me until now. You love me because I was so good for the other tops," he babbled, but he felt like he couldn't breathe. "Not until I could take anything that could be dished out." "Dammit, Kas!" Logan's voice was desperate. "This has nothing to do with that! It has nothing to do with your addiction and everything to do with... everything else. I love you 'cause your smile soothed me whenever I was feeling uncomfortable in my own skin... and 'cause the two times you insisted on cooking for me, I thought I'd jizz my pants it was so good." Kasper laughed and let his head fall back against the wall. "Eloquent as always." "Careful, dipshit, or you'll give yourself a concussion on top of everything else," Logan grumbled. "I'm taking you to bed. You need more rest and more food. I'm making you eat three squares for the next two weeks, got it?" "Taking me to bed? This mean you're going to fuck me?" Kasper liked the idea of feeling Logan's cock again, of sharing that intimacy. "And if I eat properly for two weeks, you'll take a crop to my ass?" Logan shook his head as he hauled them both to their feet. "No, Kas. No BDSM of any kind until you're physically healthy again. When we reach that state, we'll... see." "You don't like that I'm a masochist," Kasper murmured, focusing intently on lifting his feet as they made their way up the stairs. "It's not that I don't like the masochism, 'cause it can be hot as hell," Logan said. "What I don't like is the extreme you've taken it. The addiction." "I'm not addicted." Logan sighed and kicked the bedroom door wider. "Yeah, well, we'll see about that."

Logan stepped out of the office den on the other side of the dining room, wincing as he heard retching coming from the downstairs bathroom. This had been the worst of the last week, Kasper's detoxing. Getting three meals down a day had proved more difficult than he'd initially thought, but it

seemed to be tapering off. Kasper's daily trips to the bathroom had dropped by more than half, and Logan could see the light at the end of the tunnel. He paused outside the bathroom door. "If I reheat some supper, will you keep it down?" he called. The toilet flushed and he heard the faucet run for a moment before Kasper replied. "Some chicken and rice will be fine." Logan went into the kitchen and put some water on to boil the rice and waited for Kasper. It only took a few minutes for his lover to appear. He smiled, liking that color was coming back to Kasper's face as the bruises and cuts healed. "Tea?" Kasper nodded as he sat on a stool at the bar. "Please." It was almost pleasant, waking up beside Kasper, having breakfast, talking... they'd even made love. Gentle, careful, utterly vanilla sex, but it'd been great for them both. Logan chuckled to himself as he put the kettle on. "Feeling any better?" "Yes." Kasper laid his head on the bar top. "Only the one bout today. Maybe tomorrow there won't be any vomiting and you won't have to be afraid to kiss me." "These things take time, and so long as you brush your teeth, I'll kiss you anytime." To prove his point, he kissed Kasper softly, his fingers combing through the short, blond hair. Kasper's lips tasted like toothpaste, and that was just fine by Logan. "See? Kisses aplenty for you." Kasper smiled, and the hesitant, needy expression pulled at Logan. "How about I call it an early night and we take a shower together?" Kasper nodded. "I like the sound of that. I feel disgusting." "Puking'll do that to you," Logan reasoned, "but I assure you, you're looking better every day." He'd been careful to encourage Kasper, to take every opportunity to let Kasper know he wasn't going through it all alone. "Your rice will only take a few minutes." He gave Kasper another lingering kiss and rounded the bar, pouring a cup of instant rice into the boiling water. Yeah, it was instant. He had been in charge of cooking while Kasper was down for the count, and while he'd endured a few jabs for it, at least it made him feel productive, needed, and some semblance of normal. Kasper's eyes never left him. He heated chicken in the microwave, silently thanking the grocery gods for rotisserie chicken, and prepared Kasper's tea. Within a few minutes, he sat beside Kasper, both of them with simple chicken, rice, and tea. He gave Kasper a little nudge with his shoulder, smiling. "Eat up. If you're good, I'll blow you in the shower." "Wonderful incentive," Kasper said, glancing at Logan once before setting into their meal. It wasn't perfect, Logan mused, but it was a damned good start, and he was fine with that.

Chapter Eighteen Logan moaned as he stepped over the threshold of Kasper's house. The days at work had gotten a bit longer since he'd returned to his cubicle a few weeks ago. It seemed autumn had brought more than just the changing colors in the trees. Everyone and their fucking dog wanted new advertising schemes for their companies or products, and Adam's business was now booming. It made for lots of late nights, but Logan had been firm about not staying too late. When he had Kasper to come home to—not to mention Kasper's amazing cooking—work didn't seem nearly as important. The scent of lobster beckoned him into the dining room, and he smiled as he tossed his shoulder bag aside and pulled Kasper in for a kiss. Kasper's bruises and cuts had finally healed, and pride rushed through him at the way Kasper's face flushed at his sudden assault. After seeing Kasper so pale and sickly, it was just another sign that things were getting better. He deepened the kiss, and Kasper seemed to forget all about setting the silverware, diving into the heated moment with an eagerness that was almost alarming. The thought of bending Kasper over the table and using a spatula to spank him crossed Logan's mind for an instant, and he shut down, forcing himself back from Kasper's lips despite the needy moan Kasper emitted. BDSM still wasn't safe territory for them. Hell, without a shitload of work, it wouldn't be safe for either of them ever again. At least, that's what he'd been telling himself the last couple weeks. Fuck what his therapist said about finding balance; he knew a slippery slope when he saw one. There was a soft promise in his eyes as he sat down to his supper, but he already knew what he would offer Kasper tonight. It would be the same thing he offered almost every night now that he'd moved in and Kasper wasn't bruised like a victim of assault. They had formed a routine. Logan would come home, they'd eat dinner, maybe watch a bit of television, and then have a bit of straight-up vanilla sex before bed. The kinkiest it got was moving it from the bed into the shower or bathtub. Logan ate his meal, purring his satisfaction and complimenting Kasper's skill. The amazing food never got old. The vanilla sex didn't get old either. Well, all right, maybe it didn't have the same shelf life as Kasper's cooking. Fine. It had really started losing its appeal after the first couple of weeks. Truth be told, he'd been having more and more thoughts about all the toys and implements he had in boxes in one of the spare bedrooms. Packing his closet had been hazardous to his health. Every toy had a memory or two that would tempt the hell out of him, and he had a lot of toys. He'd made a point not to unpack them in Kasper's house. Kink didn't have a place in their lives, not anymore. They would get on fine without it. They had to. He cleaned up after them when they finished supper, and by the time he made it upstairs, Kasper was just getting out of the shower. The glint of hope in Kasper's eyes tried Logan's resolve. He

smiled and pulled Kasper's warm, damp body against his own. "I owe you for that spectacular dinner," he purred. Kasper nibbled down his throat as his hands slid over Logan's back and ass. "You're happy with me playing the little housewife?" "It's just temporary. You have your application in to Yale, and then you'll be going to school again," Logan moaned, his cock hardening. "Med school. I was crazy to listen to you," Kasper said between suckling his pulse. Logan's hands smoothed over the smooth skin of Kasper's body, marveling at the weight Kasper had managed to put back on. His hands tingled as they skated over Kasper's pert ass, and it took everything he had not to draw one back and land a solid blow. "Not crazy. It's time for you to live for you and what you want. You want to be a pediatrician, so we'll make sure that happens." Kasper made his way to Logan's ear. The moist breath made Logan's knees weak, and he moaned, rubbing himself lightly against Kasper. "I want you to spank me," Kasper whispered against Logan's ear. Logan's cock jerked, and he had to stifle a moan. He couldn't help but squeeze Kasper's ass, and massaging the firm globes kept his hands busy so he wouldn't do exactly what Kasper wanted. "It's too soon," he protested, his voice husky with desire that was made all the worse by flashes of fantasies in his mind's eye. Kasper bound to the headboard or lying atop his lap, shifting up into his hand, his body begging for every single slap of his palm. He gave himself a small shake. "Too soon, Kas." "I'm all healed," Kasper breathed, his teeth tugging at Logan's earlobe. It was impossible to silence the moan that rumbled out of him. "On the outside, but what about the inside?" "Nothing needed healing on the inside." The spell Kasper had been weaving dissipated, and Logan pulled back. "You were addicted. The wounds might have healed, but the reason for the addiction is still in you. I'm not gonna let you relapse." Kasper sighed and pulled away, tossing his towel into the hamper. Disappointment radiated off of Kasper, and Logan scrambled to keep the mood. "C'mon, don't be so unhappy. I still owe you for dinner, and I intend to pay up." He wrapped his arms around Kasper from behind and teased thighs and groin with a long, broad caress with his palms and a hint of his nails. "You have to trust me. I'll make it good." Kasper nodded, leaning back into Logan. "You always do," he murmured. Logan smiled and kissed his way down Kasper's throat. He nuzzled Kasper's pulse for a few seconds before drawing the skin between his lips and sucking. He had to force himself to keep the suction light, but tried to make up for it by curling his fingers around Kasper's cock, stroking it expertly to full hardness. What he really wanted to do was reach lower and give Kasper's sac a yank that would pull a cry from those beautiful lips, but even when his other hand strayed lower, he couldn't bring himself to do it. Kasper was trusting him, and he wouldn't lead them down a path that would end with both of them going crazy and doing dangerous, hardcore, BDSM. It wasn't what they wanted, not deep down, but Logan didn't think there was anything wrong with simple. He cupped and squeezed gently at Kasper's balls while stroking him, kissing along his shoulders and neck. Every moan Kasper allowed to pass his lips just made his own cock all the more eager. When his lips finally met Kasper's, he was ready to be pressed close. Kasper's fingers made short work of his own clothes, and they fell to the bed with twin groans.

Kasper arched up against him, and Logan's tongue took complete possession of Kasper's mouth. It was about as rough as they got these days, and Logan always made the most of it. He reached for the nightstand for the lube and condoms, and Kasper stopped him. "No lube," Kasper panted. "Condom yes, lube no." "Kasper," Logan said, his voice taking on the stern edge he was beginning to hate. "I'm not doing that. Not now. Not... yet." Kasper flopped back on the bed. "Then when?" "When both of us are ready. When I think it's safe," Logan insisted. The last time they'd had a session together, he'd gone from paddle to cane in no time at all. It could happen again just like that. They would start out with a simple spanking, and it would end up with Kasper bleeding and both their minds back to the beginning. That wouldn't be progress. It would just make everything worse. His response wasn't exactly given a standing ovation by Kasper, and he sighed, his fingers circling Kasper's nipples. He gave each one a pinch, watching them pebble beneath his fingers before meeting Kasper's gaze again. "Just trust me. When I know we're ready, you'll be the first to hear it." Kasper nodded, and Logan leaned in to kiss him again. With a little fumbling, he had the condom on and slick fingers pressing between Kasper's thighs. Logan kissed his way down to a nipple, suckling and nipping at it, while his fingers spread the lube deep. Kasper's soft sighs and gentle touches were only mildly irritating when what he really wanted were the pained screams and submissive touches they'd once shared. But it couldn't all be that way, and Logan knew it. This gentleness had its place, too, and it was high time they both learned it. He'd had it with Parker. He'd had it with the boyfriends before Kasper. He would fucking have it with Kasper, too. Logan lifted Kasper's thighs, pushed his latex-encased cock to the slippery hole, and thrust forward. It was a calculated, tender press of hardness into incredible tightness, and Logan had to close his eyes for a brief moment to let the full sensation wash over him. "I'll never get tired of feeling you around me," he moaned once he was fully sheathed inside Kasper. The first couple thrusts were small and slow, a grinding of his body against Kasper's, and the answering moan from Kasper encouraged him as much as it tempted him. He knew Kasper wanted to be taken hard and deep, but dammit, he had a point to prove now. When he lengthened his thrusts it was languidly, every movement gentle. The rocking felt good, and he knew exactly what it would take to make it feel even better. He simply refused to give in. Leaning down, he kissed Kasper, and when he found the response sweet if a little lackluster, he pulled away and returned to the light mark he'd left before. Maybe if he stayed at Kasper's throat, he could pretend he hadn't felt that mediocre interest. Maybe he could convince himself the lovemaking was as good now as it had been the first couple times. Kasper's arms loosely looped around his neck, and Logan allowed himself the small conceit of fantasy. He could tell himself as he moved in and out of Kasper that they were deliriously happy, because he loved Kasper. Although Kasper hadn't said it back, Logan knew Kasper did. Kasper hadn't run off to a party or club, he hadn't manipulated things to ensure he got his fix, and if it wasn't out of love, then Logan didn't know what it could be. They were in love, living together in an amazing home, and they were both moving onwards and upwards. Logan's fantasy was maintained, though, only when Kasper played along. Kasper moved up to meet his thrusts, moaned, touched him, but the fervor and desire just wasn't there. When Logan's hand slid down Kasper's body and palmed his cock, what he found definitively ruptured his little delusion of domestic bliss. Kasper was barely half-hard, and it was like a splash of cold water over Logan.

He froze in place and pulled his mouth back from Kasper's throat. As he stared down at Kasper, he began thrusting again. "You aren't enjoying yourself." It wasn't really a question. He couldn't really ask questions of Kasper at that moment, because he already knew what all the answers would be. It was obvious Kasper forced the smile to his face to placate him. "I enjoy when we're together. It's important. I missed you. I missed us together." What Kasper wasn't saying, because he'd said it dozens of times before, was what he did miss. Logan dipped down and teased Kasper into another kiss, pumping Kasper's cock slowly as he kept the gentle pace of their bodies. When Kasper didn't harden much more, he sighed softly, pausing buried inside Kasper. "Kasper." "Finish," Kasper whispered, running his fingers up and down Logan's back. "I don't have to get off." It was the biggest downer of all. Not only did it make Logan feel like he was using Kasper's body, but it shattered any hope he'd had about them both enjoying their sex for the night. The only time he left his partner wanting was if he was purposefully denying orgasm as part of the erotic games he played with his subs. Thoughts of past scenes with Kasper in that very position, writhing with the need to come as Logan repeatedly denied him, washed through his mind, but even those memories couldn't stop the way he was rapidly losing his hard-on. He pulled out with a soft sigh, forcing a smile to his own lips. "It's all right. Maybe some other night. I want you to enjoy it, too." What he wanted was Kasper's pleasure, but what Kasper wanted for that pleasure, he wasn't willing to give. It left them at an impasse. Kasper sat up, regret on his face. "Logan..." "Shh," Logan hushed, oddly comforted by the way Kasper obviously cared. "It's all right. Really. It's not the first time I've lost a boner. We'll just give it another go when you're in the mood." Logan kissed Kasper again, and then padded into the bathroom. He threw the condom away and sighed, looking at himself in the mirror. Things were not going as well as he'd hoped. The natives were restless, and he wasn't sure how to fix it so they could be safe and satisfied. Kasper wasn't fixed, if he could be fixed, and Logan didn't know how to navigate the minefield he'd stepped into the day he decided this was the one guy he wasn't letting go of. "Are you coming back?" Kasper called. "Yeah. Just let me brush my teeth, and then we can go to bed." As he brushed his teeth, Logan turned everything over in his head, desperate for an answer, but there wasn't one. It would just have to continue on as it had, one day at a time. He rinsed his mouth, shut out the light, and crawled back into bed beside Kasper. He pulled Kasper against him, kissing him again and again, Kasper a willing, sweet mass in his arms. "I love you," he murmured between kisses. "I know," Kasper breathed. And that was it. Love and acknowledgment. It was all they had at the moment, and there was nothing Logan could do to change it, even if there was little satisfaction in it.

Chapter Nineteen Kasper glared at his laptop. He was supposed to be studying for his MCATs, but damn if he could concentrate. He was horny. He was so damn horny, but even when Logan came home, there would be no relief for it. It annoyed Kasper. It really, really annoyed him. It had been sixteen days since they'd last had sex. Sixteen long, agonizing days, but there wasn't anything he could do about it. Every time Logan tried to make a pass at him, kiss him, he eased himself away. Sex with Logan was boring, unfulfilling, and it was beginning to seriously grate on Kasper's already frayed nerves. How long was he supposed to go without a hair pulling? A spanking? Hell, even a goddamn hickey would go a long way to getting him off during sex. And then there was Dr. Kerill. Kasper snapped his laptop shut and barely resisted the urge to throw the expensive machine across the room. Every Wednesday, Logan left work and went to see Dr. Kerill. For an hour. Instead of being home at six o'clock, Logan returned at seven-thirty. Kasper was certain Logan went to solely bitch about him, even if Logan kept reassuring him it was to deal with his blood fetish. What fetish? Logan hadn't tasted blood since they'd last fucked before the break-up. No, no, Logan was seeing her in order to unload about what a terrible, fucked up pain junkie Kasper was. The physical withdrawal from the painkillers had been less irritating than this withdrawal from the BDSM. He needed the pain. Didn't Logan understand that? No, Logan was too busy being Superman and saving him from himself. An idea suddenly formed in Kasper's head, bright and promising. He shot up from the sofa and headed upstairs into the master bath and snatched up a disposable razor. In seconds, he had the thing deconstructed, the blade in his hand. He was panting, hard as a rock, and shoved his sweatpants down around his ankles. Kasper sat heavily on the low bench in front of the vanity and started jacking off, the razor in his free hand. He closed his eyes, remembering Logan's strong voice, his unforgiving hands, and the burn of his ass after a good, hard caning. He drew the blade across his chest, crying out as sharp, stinging pain filled his senses, and he was already so close to coming it was almost agonizing. He drew the blade along his skin a second time and felt his balls tighten as he panted, and just as he was going to cut himself a third time, there was a loud, unpleasant sound behind him. "What the fuck are you doing?" Logan shouted, kicking his briefcase out of his way. Kasper cried out when Logan snatched the razor from his fingers. "Don't!" "Don't what?" Logan growled. "Stop you from carving up your own chest? Fuck, Kasper, you're bleeding all over the place!" Logan moved in a flash, snatching a long stream of toilet paper from the holder next to the toilet. He pressed the wadded paper against Kasper's chest, and the sting became all the more pronounced.

Kasper flushed with shame, because he was still hard, and Logan pressing on the wounds just made it worse. He wanted to come, to have his body alive with pain and pleasure for just a moment again. "Go away! Leave me alone! I don't need you here. Not now!" "Like fuck you don't! Taking apart razors? For Christ's sake, Kasper, you're acting like a twoyear-old." Tears filled Kasper's eyes. "I'm not!" He pulled away from Logan. "You just refuse to see me... what I need." "I know what you need. You need another fix, right? Another slice of pain to get yourself off. Don't you get that this is the whole fucking reason why I won't give it to you? You're in this... seek and destroy mode, and I'm not gonna let you walk down that path again!" "Is that what Dr. Kerill tells you? That I'm just some self-destructive headcase you need to fucking be a martyr for?" Kasper glared up at Logan, his heart racing. "I need pain! I don't want to be your damn wife, laying on my back for you twice a week as you coddle me sexually!" "Oh my fucking God, I am not having this argument with you!" Logan seethed, standing abruptly. "And leave Dr. Kerill out of it. You don't know shit about her." Kasper shook his head. Logan didn't understand, didn't want to understand. His erection was lost. "Get out," he croaked. His head was bowed under the weight of his shame and need. "I'll clean myself up." "You do that," Logan barked, holding up the bloody razor for a second. "And you'd better not do shit like this again." With that, Logan turned on his heel and stormed out, muttering something about being safe and sane as he slammed the bedroom door closed behind him. The echoing sound of the slamming door made Kasper jump. The frustration and anger and utter despair built inside him until it had only one outlet. He let his head fall to the vanity top, hot tears rolling down his cheeks. He hated crying. Hated it. It made him feel weak and out of control, but that was what he was, wasn't he? That's what Logan's words truly meant. He was the crazy pain queen, and Logan his disgruntled keeper.

It was now just as bad as when they were apart. Kasper couldn't bring himself to sleep in the master bedroom with Logan anymore, pretending everything was fine. There was the new routine now, a routine of uneasy quiet and stiff interaction before a parting for separate bedrooms. Even when the wounds on his chest had healed, nothing seemed to change. Kasper knew their relationship was but a tenuous bond, ready to break at the right provocation, but he didn't know how to change the course they were on. Kasper set the tureen of stew in the center of the dinette table, his mind on edge. His sexual frustration had shifted to out-and-out agony. He couldn't masturbate. He'd tried almost nightly, conjuring all sorts of thoughts to help him along, but it never worked. His body craved the pain he'd been denying it, and fantasy wasn't enough. Kasper also missed Logan's touch, his warmth and dominance. The warmth had been freely given for three months now, but the dominance? The closest they had come was the day in the bathroom when he'd been ordered not to cut himself again. His hands shook as he opened the bottle of Cabernet so it could breathe before dinner, and his eyes darted to the clock again. Seven-forty-five. Logan was late. It was that fucking therapist. He just knew she'd convince Logan to give up on him. If he'd been the therapist, he'd have told Logan to dump his ass and move on. It was just a matter of time. An addict that didn't really want to reform would always be an addict, and Kasper didn't want to give up the BDSM and pain. Of course, Dr. Kerill had never talked to him, even though Logan had offered to let him join him in the therapy sessions. He didn't need therapy; he needed a fucking spanking!

"Kas?" Logan called out. Kasper closed his eyes as he heard the door shut. He listened to Logan's approaching footsteps, his hand gripping the wine glass tighter and tighter. "I'm in the kitchen," he ground out. Logan rounded the divider, and his footsteps slowed almost immediately. Kasper's agitation must have showed on his face, because Logan proceeded with caution. "Sorry I'm late. I got held up." There was an awkward pause before Logan added. "Dinner smells great." Carefully, Kasper set the wine glass down, afraid he might break it if he didn't. "If you didn't go to those appointments, you wouldn't be late," he snipped. Logan frowned and gripped his house key so hard it made his knuckles turn white. "Don't start in on me about the appointments again. Dr. Kerill's been a great help to me." "I've told you repeatedly, you don't need help," Kasper said, turning his head to look at Logan. Logan stiffened. "You know what? I don't think you're the best one to judge what's best for me." Kasper slowly crossed his arms, his irritation at everything sparking brightly inside him. "I have a better education than Dianne!" "She's been a psychologist eight years longer than you, and she has a specialty in addiction," Logan said. He shrugged his coat off and draped it over a nearby chair. "I trust her more objective opinion on my life and life choices." Eyes narrowed, Kasper snatched up the coat and headed back out into the hall. He threw open the closet door and yanked a hanger from the bar. "How many times have I told you to put your fucking coat up when you come into the house?" "Oh, Christ, Kasper! It's just a damn coat, and it isn't even wet from snow. What's next? You don't like the way I hang the toilet paper so you pull the sheets from under instead of over? You already gave me the lecture on the proper way of hanging hand towels, and I've all but given up on loading the dishwasher, since you always go back and redo it yourself anyway!" Kasper slammed the door shut. "Then move out if you don't like it! I never asked you to move in anyway." "You would have killed yourself! Maybe not in the next week, but you were as good as dead to the world when I walked back into your life. I've been doing everything I can to help you from the minute I learned the downward spiral you were in. I'm trying to get everything back to normal, and all you do is get on my case for every little thing that makes this house look like someone lives in it instead of a model home people tour every day!" "Normal?" Kasper scoffed. "Logan, we're not normal! I don't want to be. Don't you get that?" He crossed to Logan and grabbed his hands almost frantically. Kasper pressed them to his ass, his lips brushing over Logan's. "I want you to pull my hair. I want you to spank me. Take a cane or strap to my ass. Bruise me, bleed me, make me scream as I come for you. Dammit, dominate me!" "I won't!" Kasper was almost desperate, his hands clinging to Logan's. "There's nothing wrong with what we want! Isn't that what you kept telling me when we first met? We can give to each other, fulfill what's wanting for one another." Logan stepped away, shaking his head, and Kasper clenched his fists at his sides. "Please." Logan laughed, the sound bitter and grating to Kasper's ears. "Please? Please? As if that undoes the past and protects the future! No, Kasper! No! You used me. You used all the people between then and now. You satisfied your perverted desire for perfection while indulging in your masochism, and you won't be happy until we're right back where we started. But I want to be happy, too, and that isn't happiness to me!" "It wasn't happiness to me, either," Kasper insisted.

"Then why did you fucking do it? Why do you want to do it all over again? Why are you so damn eager to take us there again?" Logan shouted, gesturing wildly. Kasper swallowed thickly, because he didn't know why he'd done it, only that he had. He couldn't undo it. He couldn't take it back. "I just want us back to our normal again," he whispered. "My submission, your blood fetish." Logan let loose a barking laugh. "Normal?" he asked. "No, Kasper. Here's normal." Logan held up a finger on his left hand. "And all the way over here,"—he held up a finger on his right hand, the arm stretched as far away from his left as possible—"just past fucking Fiji, is you. We can't have normal because you don't know what the fuck normal is!" The floor seemed to drop out from under Kasper, and he just stared at Logan for a while. This was it. This was their life, for better or worse. Logan wasn't going to bend, and Kasper didn't think Dr. Kerill was encouraging him to. This was the compromise. He had to squash the masochism and desire for dominance, and Logan would remain with him and keep him safe from himself. He gave a little nod, feeling slightly sick. This wasn't where he'd wanted to be, but here he was. In a relationship with someone he was pretty sure he loved, and who really loved him, but he was utterly alone. Kasper blinked a couple of times, and then slowly walked past Logan. "Supper is getting cold," he murmured. "Then let it get cold," Logan growled. "Don't do that. You're shutting down again. Just say what you're thinking for once. I'm done with this damn silence, second-guessing everything I say around you because I'm worried about making matters worse. Talk to me!" "What am I supposed to say? What magic phrase will make everything right and good so we can be who the hell we are? Tell me, and I'll say them!" Kasper wanted to feel alive again, to be in love and alive and content in his own skin. "Do I have to say I love you? I promise to respect you in the morning? I won't go batshit and let you slit my throat? Tell me what the key phrase is, Logan, because I don't know it." "I need you to trust me enough to guide you," Logan forced out, and though those words were slow, the rest followed in a rush. "It's a choice between me and the masochism. Because if I'm put up against your fetish, I know I'll lose. I might come and go, but the fetish is part of you that won't ever go away, just like Dr. Kerill's told me a million times about both of us. She says I need to find a compromise, but I can't do that if what you really want deep down is for me to disregard my limits so I can turn you into this twisted notion you have of the perfect submissive! The masochism or me, Kasper. Which is the most important to you?" Kasper shook his head. "I can't make the masochism go away. It's not like nail biting or having a craving for a Twinkie." "I know that, dammit. Dr. Kerill tells me every time I bring you up. But every time I see your blood, I want to lick the wound and fuck you so hard you scream my name and beg for more!" "What's so wrong with that! If I want you to, if I consent, why is it wrong?" Kasper realized he was begging, and he didn't like it, but he needed answers. Answers he thought only Logan possessed. "It's wrong because consent is only part of the equation, Kasper! I know you read the damn books on the basics before we ever really started, before I chose the safewords you've always refused to use. You don't know how to respect my limits. You don't even see your own limits." Logan ran his hands through his hair a few times, pulling slightly at the dark strands in his frustration. "You don't know how to be safe, which means we have to start all over again! We have to start over, not just jump back into it with all the problems still there." "Start over?" Logan rubbed the back of his neck as they stared at one another for a moment. "Yeah. We rebuild the trust." Dark blue eyes sharpened then. "But, I swear to you, Kasper, if you abuse me—

because not respecting my limits is its own form of abuse—I'm fucking walking out and I will not look back. You can crawl from party to party, broken and bleeding, until there's nothing left of you for all I'll care. I won't go through this a second time, no matter how much I love you. I won't. I know what I need. I know what's right and safe. Do you?" Did he? Kasper wasn't sure. Logically, yes, he knew what was safe. What was sane. He knew what he'd been doing before Logan had come back had been pure insanity. He'd risked himself in so many ways, but he'd been so sure at the time, confident in his ability to know when enough was enough. But nothing had been enough. Popping pills between parties, quitting his job, and putting himself in jeopardy weren't the actions of someone who knew what was right. Kasper wet his lips, staring at the tiles of the kitchen, frowning at himself. He'd spent thirty-seven years creating the perfect little life, living up to expectations of a dead father, wanting pride in himself that he'd never managed to wring from the too-busy hands of a family that existed out of obligation instead of love. Kasper had thought he'd put it all behind him, achieving his goals for himself, but no, he hadn't. His father's ghost still held him in a tight grip, and it was strangling him, stifling his relationship with Logan. Kasper lifted his head. "I need you," he said simply. It was the bare, brass tacks truth. He needed Logan. Not out of some perverse desire for a torturer, but for the laughter he'd so rarely indulged in over the last year. For the smiles, the touches, the small shows of affection, the care, the consideration, the pure joy of being with someone who's seen him at his worst and loved him for it. "I need the pain, too, but you... I don't want to live this life without you. I want pain given by you out of love and desire. I want to feel fulfilled by what we do. I want fulfillment," he said, offering Logan the first moments of honesty he had in far too long. Logan reached out to cup Kasper's cheek. "Fulfillment?" "Yes," Kasper breathed, moving closer. He couldn't help but lean into the touch, starved as he was for any contact at this point. "I never feel settled. It's all jumbled in my head, and the more I think about it, the harder it is to sort out. Can you give me that quietness? The stillness that filled me at the heights of my pain?" "Oh, Kas," Logan murmured. "People have been beating on other people since the first caveman picked up a stick in anger. If pain was all it took to bring mental stillness, the entire fucking world would be the Dalai Lama. It's not just the pain." Kasper's heart was racing as he stared down into Logan's eyes, eager for every word that left the beautiful lips. "It's not?" "Pain is part of it, but it's so much more, and that's what you never knew. Or, if you did, only for a few brief weeks before it all went to hell," Logan whispered. "Do you want to try again? Do you want to do this right?" Kasper closed his eyes and nodded ever so slightly. "Yes. Please, Logan, please..." "Good. Now, maybe, we can get back to some sense of normal," Logan purred just before his lips captured Kasper's in a deep, possessive kiss.

Chapter Twenty Small things, Logan reflected as he opened the door into the second spare bedroom. It had been the small things that he'd clung to for direction. The very night Kasper had opened up to him, let him know that they could begin again, he'd fucked him against the living room wall while delivering sharp, stinging slaps to his lover's ass. It had been the homecoming they had needed, and for hours afterward, Kasper had talked to him. First with tears, and then with soft words safely ensconced in their bed together for the first time in weeks. It had been a small thing, a giving of what they'd both needed, but only just. The next step had been the weekly spanking. It had given them each something to look forward to, that Friday evening when Logan would turn Kasper over his knee in the living room and spank his ass until Kasper was on the verge of climax. The roughness was then tempered by the softness of lovemaking in bed, long and languid, where he would bring Kasper to the brink over and over until they were mad with need. Logan shut the door to the bedroom and smiled at its occupant. Small steps, though, always lead to bigger steps, and tonight was the big step. "Hello, Kasper," he murmured, and he watched the shiver travel through Kasper's body at his words. Kasper was as he'd left him, his arms stretched out above him, wrists encased in soft, supple leather cuffs that were attached to a chain. The chain was run on a simple pulley system that allowed him to raise and lower Kasper. At the moment, Kasper was on the balls of his feet, his nude body beautifully stretched, his pale gaze hidden behind a dark red eye mask. Logan took that moment to just drink in the sight of Kasper, his body once more filled out, healthy, and toned. The skin was golden beneath the flush of arousal, and Logan smirked as his eyes fell to Kasper's groin. There was no mistaking Kasper's enthusiasm for this moment. A moment they'd been working toward, that the set up of this playroom had heralded. Logan began to undress himself. "Dinner was delicious," Logan complimented. "It was so thoughtful of you to prepare it for me." Kasper gave a little moan that went right to Logan's cock. "And you're still hard, even after an hour. Impressive." He sighed when his cock bobbed free of his trousers, and he tossed the offending clothing away. He circled Kasper, letting Kasper sense the movement by his voice. It was a subtle tease, a way of letting Kasper know he was being thoroughly inspected. "So many choices... So many things I could do to you while you're hanging here, utterly vulnerable, completely at my mercy." Logan delivered the lightest of touches to Kasper's cock and watched Kasper shudder, the hot flesh beneath his fingertips jerking needfully up into his touch. He chuckled, withdrawing his hand despite Kasper's soft sound of protest. "Such an eager slut, but I know you've waited for this, and you won't be disappointed as long as you please me. You want to please me, don't you?" Kasper's hands clenched around the chain, his voice deep and thick. "Yes. I want to please you."

Logan smiled. "Then let's begin." He picked up Kasper's collar from the long row of low drawers along one wall and stepped close. With a single finger, he tilted Kasper's head back. He leaned forward to press a single kiss to the dip between Kasper's collarbones, and then fastened the collar around Kasper's neck. A deep sense of satisfaction and arousal coursed through him when he stepped back, admiring the simple leather decorating Kasper's skin. He couldn't stand there forever, though, and he went to the wall again. He made plenty of noise choosing what he wanted from the organized drawers, allowing all of Kasper's senses to be engaged. It was half the fun, the expectation and work-up, and Logan had no desire to rush it. It had been so long since he had done this with Kasper, and there were certain toys he had been aching to use, ones that Parker never had an interest in trying. Lubricating the first piece, he stepped close to Kasper and purred, "Stay still." His lubed fingers wrapped tightly around Kasper's cock and stroked him slowly, drawing firmly from base to tip a couple times before smearing the fluids at the head and rubbing the slit. He felt Kasper's muscles jump, and the pleasure seemed to take Kasper enough off guard that he disobeyed, squirming on his feet in an effort to push into his hand. He immediately pulled back and landed a powerful slap to Kasper's ass. "I said keep still. Understand?" Kasper moaned pitifully. "Yes," he whispered. "I understand." Logan was pleased that no 'Sir' followed any of Kasper's replies, and it set something at ease inside him. He crouched down, his fingers returning to Kasper's cock. He stroked with a firm, slow hand while he nuzzled the smooth flesh of Kasper's balls. "Good. If I have to remind you a second time, there will be... consequences." He could have sworn he felt Kasper's cock harden even more in his hand, but Kasper remained obedient as he leaned back and brought the tip of a medium-width sounding rod to the slit of Kasper's cock. He teased Kasper mercilessly with the cool, slick metal, the rounded tip only barely dipping into the slit, and it was impressive the way Kasper didn't squirm, no matter how tight the muscles of Kasper's thighs clenched. "How badly do you want the sound in your cock?" "Please!" Kasper cried out, his head falling back as he panted. "I want to feel filled by you, spread... anywhere... anyhow." His cock jerked in Logan's hand again. "Please fill my cock," Kasper murmured roughly, and Logan watched as his lover's cheeks tinted a lovely, embarrassed pink. "Gladly." With great care, Logan let the slippery tip of the rod slip no more than a quarter inch inside the straining cock. Kasper actually whimpered, but he remained still. Logan knew what that sort of stillness cost Kasper. "So fucking hot," he praised, letting the rod sink just a little deeper. He drew out the entire act. Normally, it would only take him a few seconds to carefully fill someone with the sound, but with Kasper, he took his time. Every inch of the rod was added slowly, and when he settled the end of it against the head of Kasper's cock, he let Kasper discover that it was a piece of jewelry. He twisted the sound a little until the glans ring hooked securely around Kasper, and then he pulled back with a deep, appreciative moan. "It looks perfect on you, just like I'd always hoped. Do you feel how fucking deep that rod is inside?" he asked, wickedly stroking Kasper's cock, squeezing it around the jewelry. Kasper's sharp cry filled the room, and this time, his whole body bucked. "God!" "I'll take that as a yes," Logan laughed, releasing Kasper's cock and broadly brushing his hands up Kasper's torso. Reaching over, he snatched up clamps and made quick work of capturing Kasper's nipples in them. He didn't get too bogged down in how much weight to add. He kept it moderate, well within Kasper's tolerance. It was too soon for anything extreme, but he wanted Kasper's mind to be overwhelmed with different layers of pain and pleasure. It was just one step of preparation that led to the next.

He slapped the inside of Kasper's thigh. "Open," he instructed, pleased when Kasper obeyed and made the nipple weights swing in the process. The sound that escaped Kasper went straight to his own straining cock, and it took more willpower than he would ever admit not to just forget his plans and fuck Kasper that instant. A few steadying breaths, and he pulled Kasper's sac down, strapping it with a leather thong. Kasper whimpered his anticipation, and Logan smirked as he watched Kasper's body, reading it carefully. "No weights tonight, but tell me when it's tight enough." He gradually pulled the leather tighter. This is one act he'd had plenty of practice with while he was with Parker. It had been wonderfully easy for Parker to move on when the time came, and last he'd heard, Josh was sharing Parker with his new Dom, Gibson. The thought brought a grin to his face as he watched Kasper's expression change the tighter the bond became around his sac. It was a subtle test. Logan couldn't help but try Kasper's resolve, push against that promise that hovered between them. He had his limits, and Kasper had his own. They needed to respect those, and as the strap became tighter, Logan began to wonder if Kasper would ever speak, stop him. But then– "There!" Kasper gasped, a fine tremor running through his body. "Tight... tight enough." Logan grinned, and it didn't matter that Kasper couldn't see it. "Tight enough," he echoed. Securing the strap of leather, he teased the bound sac lightly with his nails and stood. Rounding Kasper's back, he licked the small section of Kasper's spine between his shoulder blades and breathed against it while his hands kneaded Kasper's ass. "You set a limit, Kas. You're doing so well that I'm going to give you a choice. What do you want me to spank you with?" Kasper trembled in his bonds, all his senses heightened by the loss of sight. Every touch Logan delivered was felt twice as sharply. It was why Logan had left Kasper alone for an hour before returning. It took Kasper a bit of time to formulate his response, and when he spoke, Logan was surprised by his choice. "Your hand." Logan lifted an eyebrow. "My hand? You get that every Friday." Kasper bowed his head, and Logan spotted a faint smile curving the parted lips. "I know." Logan couldn't help but chuckle. "Why, then?" He would give Kasper exactly what he wanted, of course, but knowing the reason behind this choice seemed important. "Because it's personal," Kasper replied without a moment's hesitation. Warmth rushed through Logan, and he tightened his grip on Kasper's backside, massaging firmly until his thumbs both teased at Kasper's opening. "For us both," he murmured before pulling back and setting himself in a good stance. "My hand it is." He smiled through the first light smacks, warming up Kasper's ass with practiced ease. His heart raced in his chest as he watched the flesh grow a deep pink. He had expected Kasper to choose the cane at the very least, but this was so much better, so much more fulfilling for them both. He scratched lightly between strikes, teasing the hot skin across ass and down to Kasper's bound sac. Kasper's cries and moans gained in volume, always peaking when Logan stopped to torture the sensitive flesh. Logan's heart pounded, his cock hard and bobbing with his more vigorous movements. It brought Logan such pleasure to see Kasper slowly lulled into the pain of it all. His cock full of the sound, nipples clamped and lightly weighted, balls bound, sight gone, Kasper was a pillar of sensation, and that was exactly what Logan wanted. Logan worked Kasper through those first few minutes, the pink of his ass deepening to red. He had one goal this evening, and he would do everything he could to reach it. His hand was ruthless, relentless, landing again and again. He littered Kasper's ass, hips, and thighs with blows, and when every inch was a dark, burning scarlet, Logan truly set to his task. He didn't speak a word, but his

hand struck harder and harder at Kasper's backside, the thudding slap ringing in his ears. Logan drove himself mad as he pushed Kasper higher. His eyes took in the growing tension in Kasper's frame, and he fought through his own discomfort, sweat dripping down his body from all his exertion. His arm and hand were going to be useless in the morning, but that didn't matter. What mattered was the transformation he could see happening. Logan refused to back down, and as Kasper's sounds became quieter, his body tighter, he spoke. "Let it go, Kas," he said, pitching his voice low and soothing. "Don't fight it, don't push it. Just sink into it. Let it go. I'll be here to catch you when it's all over." A long sigh left Kasper's lips, and Logan's breath caught as Kasper's body relaxed utterly in his bonds. Kasper moved like an extension of his blows, elegant, graceful, and so goddamn sexy Logan thought he was going to come right then and there. He kept raining blows upon Kasper's ass, testing his own limits to keep Kasper in that glorious place his lover had achieved without a vicious, brutal beating. Logan grunted, alternating between his hands, waiting for the dam to break. Suddenly, a long, raw sob ripped from Kasper's throat, his body shuddering with emotion. Logan watched every second, coaxed out every drop he could that moment. He slowly eased Kasper down from those heights, made certain the transition between spanking and caressing wasn't jarring. "Kas," he whispered. "Logan, please, let me see you... please, God, I didn't think... think it could happen... didn't think..." "Shh," Logan said. "Feel it. Let it fill you." He squeezed the burning, bruised ass, and Kasper's desperate shout was his reward. "It's like silence in your veins, thick and static-like. All sharp softness as ecstasy and agony war inside, isn't it?" Kasper nodded weakly, panting, shivering. Logan never stopped touching him, keeping his senses bright and overwhelmed. "Yes," Kasper whispered. "That space is yours, Kas, and I don't need to flay your back for you to reach it." Logan knelt behind Kasper and drew his tongue over the fiery flesh of one buttock. Kasper's keening made him groan. "I'll take you there anytime. I'll push you to it, catch you when you fall back down to earth, and I'll make it so good, you'll never need me to take a bullwhip to your skin for you to feel it." "Logan, please," Kasper breathed over and over. "Please..." Logan was certain Kasper didn't even know what that 'please' was for, but he did. "Yes," he mouthed against the crevice of Kasper's ass. Using his hands, he spread Kasper's ass and pressed inward, his tongue circling and pressing into Kasper. Kasper writhed, babbling nonsensical pleas, and Logan knew they were both quickly running out of patience. His hand shook as he blindly reached for his nearby condom and lube, and though his arms already ached, the adrenaline was still pumping through his veins. He had strength enough to prepare, stand, and position himself. With his cock poised at Kasper's entrance and his hands gripping hips that seemed to burn against his palms, he waited a few heartbeats, and then thrust forward with a possessive shout of pleasure. It was pointless to keep either of them waiting, and he set a deep pace, guiding Kasper's ass back to collide with his groin each and every thrust. His grunts and moans were nearly lost in the din of Kasper's cries, and he could hear Kasper's desperation just as acutely as he felt it in his own body. Higher and higher they went, and when they were teetering on the edge, he reached down and took hold of Kasper's sac, squeezing as he cried out, "Now!" There was only a second of stillness, of silence, and then Kasper screamed. Wet droplets fell onto Logan's hand where he tugged on Kasper's balls. The intense, rhythmic clutching of Kasper's ass around him yanked Logan right over the edge of his own restraint. He came thickly inside Kasper,

barely aware of how his hand moved up, stroked Kasper's cock, wrung another weak cry out of his lover as he prolonged their pleasure a few moments more. It was everything he'd hoped for, his senses completely consumed by Kasper as he panted raggedly and pressed sloppy kisses to Kasper's shoulder blade. He slammed home one last time before his hips refused to move anymore, keeping him deep inside Kasper's tight body. His free hand traveled slowly up Kasper's side, from hip to ribcage, to his upraised arm. He couldn't reach the quick release without pulling out, so he contented himself stroking up and down Kasper's body while the aftershocks raged through them. "Need... to see you," Kasper moaned, twitching impatiently in his bonds. Logan lingered just a few moments longer, but he couldn't deny Kasper. He gathered what was left of his wits and took hold of the base of his cock as he pulled out. A moan of regret left them both, but he needed to get Kasper down, in bed. He tossed the condom in the waste basket, and then rounded Kasper's body. Off came the leather strap, and he gently pulled the sound out, his mouth dry as the last of Kasper's release followed the metal. He took hold of both clamps and mercilessly plucked them from Kasper's chest. That earned him a shrill cry as Kasper writhed. Logan let him feel the pain for a moment before he soothed the sting with mouth and hand. He was too impatient now, and he triggered the quick release on the cuffs. Kasper was a limp mass against him, and they both fell to the floor, Kasper sprawling on top of Logan, and a laugh bubbled up out of Logan. Kasper yanked the mask off, his hand trembling as he tossed it aside to join their other toys. Logan was content to lay there on the floor, Kasper hot, slick, and sticky against him. He cupped Kasper's cheek. "Klutz." A bright, beautiful smile spread over Kasper's face. "It's quiet," he said, voice full of gravel. Logan rubbed his thumb along Kasper's cheek and pulled their lips together for a long, wet kiss. "I love you," he breathed against Kasper's lips. Kasper drew his fingers lightly down Logan's chest. He spread his hand over Logan's heart, his eyes never leaving Logan's. "I love you, too." Logan's chest, in that moment, felt like a ton of bricks had just been removed. The world looked just a little brighter, and he grinned up at Kasper before rolling him over. There were several more kisses, fierce and hungry, until his lungs ached. Panting, he slid to the side, half-sprawling over Kasper. He cupped Kasper's cheek and tsked softly. "'Bout damn time."

About the Authors Kris Piet was born in California and raised in Flagstaff, Arizona, with her older sister and two cats. After studying in three different states and graduating magna cum laude from the University of Nevada – Las Vegas in Kinesiological Sciences, Kris moved back to Flagstaff to pursue a career in therapeutic bodywork and massage. Her private massage business places an emphasis on sports massage for circus performers, dancers, and athletes training at high altitude. Throughout high school and college, writing fiction was little more than a pleasant diversion from required essays and applied science courses. After working with author S. L. Armstrong on a number of small writing projects and coming to see the act of writing as a learned skill, Kris found a new zeal for the challenge and now writes as a sideline career. She is particularly fond of writing in the High Fantasy and Paranormal genres, adding her own homoerotic, and often kinky, flair to her fiction. Kris was once locally published in Flagstaff for her poetry in high school and has been a featured artist for the convention group CirqueCon. 2010 is her debut year at Storm Moon Press, the small, independent, erotic-romance press she co-founded with S. L. Armstrong in order to self-publish their collaborative fiction. Kris also enjoys drawing, circus arts such as flying trapeze and aerial silks, musical theater, and hoopdancing, all of which she feels balance her scientific, kinesiological side with her passion for the artistic and dramatic. Her love of the human body and its endless possibilities bleeds into nearly every facet of her life, from massage, to writing, to staring at the attractive men at the local Renaissance Fair... Just kidding on that last part. Really. She loves to hear from her readers, who can e-mail her at [email protected].

S.L. Armstrong has been writing for as long as she can remember. Art and reading have played a large part in her life since young childhood, but around fourteen, writing became her passion. Voraciously consuming every book in front of her opened up hundreds of worlds in her head, and she soon wanted to create worlds for other people as well. She has a particular fondness for gothic horror, horror, high fantasy, urban fantasy, and romance novels. The authors she turns to time and again are Stephen King, L.J. Smith, V.C. Andrews, R.L. Stine, and Anne Rice, among others. She has no shame in picking up the young adult novels she loved as a child, and she will talk your ear off about grammar and punctuation. After she married her husband almost thirteen years ago, she began to truly delve into the world of writing for public consumption. It was sheer chance that she stumbled on M/M fanfiction, and she's not looked back. Though fanfiction will always have a fond place in her heart, she soon grew tired of playing in other people's sandboxes. When she discovered M/M romance, and how it was now

a legitimate branch of romance writing, she knew her course. S.L. plans to release F/F, M/M, M/F, and multiple partner books as she continues her writing career. M/M romance is where her heart lies, no matter what else she may write or read, and it's where she keeps returning to. There is something about two men passionately in love that just makes her heart melt, and she has no intention of giving that up anytime soon. S.L. Armstrong lives in Florida with her husband, two dogs, and seven cats. She hates the heat and longs for a northern, snowy climate. She writes with K. Piet on a number of projects, but she also writes her own solitary titles as well. S.L. Armstrong owns Storm Moon Press LLC along with her husband and K. Piet, and she is proud of all they accomplish with the micro press. She can be reached at [email protected].