Can't Be His

CAN ’T BE HIS

…Roach released Alexi just enough to be able to look at his beautiful face. “Do you really like to be spanked?” Alexi grinned wickedly. “Oh, yeah. Come with me.” He let Alexi lead him to Roach’s bedroom and they undressed each other quickly. They’d have long enough to linger over such things as undressing other times. Right now, he wanted Alexi beneath him naked and hot and begging for release. Ah, fuck. Falling onto the bed with Alexi, Roach framed the man’s face with his hands, lowering his lips to just inches from Alexi’s. Now that the moment was here he could hardly believe it. “I’ve wanted to taste your lips for so long,” he whispered. Alexi cupped his jaw. “What are you waiting for? Kiss me.” He crushed his mouth to Alexi’s, the plump lips parting under the assault, a sigh escaping Alexi. God, they were better than he imagined. He tasted them, over and over, slanting his mouth over Alexi’s like a starving man. Their tongues twirled, danced, caressed, and, finally, unable to help himself, Roach sucked Alexi’s tongue into his mouth. He wanted to spend hours…days…a lifetime like this. But his leaking prick brushed against Alexi’s thigh, and Alexi reached down and closed his hand over Roach’s straining shaft. “Ah, damn, Lex,” he breathed, trapping Alexi’s lips for a possessive, demanding kiss. His lust fogged brain struggled for thought. Lube, condoms. He needed those. He wanted to be buried in Alexi and fast. His palm itched to feel soft, round flesh jump at contact. Focus, Roach…

ALSO BY S HAWN LANE At Long Last The Beach House The Best Gift Car Wash Galaxy’s Heart The “His” Series His One And Only Hitting It Big The Impersonator Jake’s Regret Lawyers In Love Manfred’s Curse Most Likely To Succeed Only For Him Only Forever Only His Heart Only In His Dreams The Other Side Pulling Apart Pulling Away Sorcerer’s Lover, I & II The Squire Still The One Sweet Reunion Ticket To Ride Twice In A Lifetime Until The End Of Time

CAN’T BE HIS BY SHAWN LANE

AMBER Q UILL PRESS, LLC http://www.AmberQuill.com

CAN’T BE HIS AN AMBER QUILL PRESS BOOK This book is a work of fiction. All names, characters, locations, and incidents are products of the author’s imagination, or have been used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons living or dead, locales, or events is entirely coincidental. Amber Quill Press, LLC http://www.AmberQuill.com All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be transmitted or reproduced in any form, or by any means, without permission in writing from the publisher, with the exception of brief excerpts used for the purposes of review. Copyright © 2011 by Shawn Lane ISBN 978-1-61124-170-9 Cover Art © 2011 Trace Edward Zaber

PUBLISHED IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA

CAN’T BE HIS

CHAPTER 1 “Oh, fuck me, that hurts!” Alexi Summerville snorted. “I bet it does. Your face is swollen, your arms are swollen.” He stepped back and stared hard at Roach Haines, who sat straddling a kitchen chair while Alexi applied first aid. “In fact, you look like Violet from Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.” Roach frowned in confusion. “Who the hell is Violet?” “The one that blows up like a big blueberry.” He gasped. “Wait, what? I’m blue?” Alexi laughed. “Well, no. But you know what I mean. How many times did the wasps sting you?” Sighing dramatically, Roach winced when he realized even that hurt. In all the time Lonnie “Roach” Haines had been working as 1

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an exterminator, five years to be exact, he’d been in a few mishaps. Once a rat had chomped his finger—he’d needed shots for that— and once, in the beginning, he’d accidentally sprayed poison on himself. He’d gone to the hospital for that. But this one, being stung by numerous wasps and swelling up like…well, a blueberry, he guessed, had to be the worst. Felt like it anyway. “I lost count. Had to be twenty or so. I ran inside Mrs. Cortez’s house and she slammed the door shut on the bastards.” Roach shuddered. Alexi’s adorable pixie face appeared directly in his vision, close enough for him to make out the pores in his roommate’s nose. “Why didn’t you go to the hospital?” Roach shrugged. “Mrs. Cortez wanted to call the paramedics, but it seemed a bit silly for some stings. I’m not allergic.” “Well, maybe, but you are swollen up.” Alexi applied a cold compress to Roach’s forehead. “Maybe I should call my coach and cancel practice to stay with you.” Alexi practiced ice skating several hours a day in preparation for the World Championships coming up in a few months. He’s already won the silver medal in the United States Championships. Roach and Alexi had been friends for several years, meeting in high school, and they weren’t alike at all, really, other than both having a preference for men. Alexi was slender, graceful, athletic and beautiful in a pixie sort of way. He had a pert little nose and full pouty lips, as well as the most intensely blue eyes Roach had ever seen. That and soft, gorgeous light brown hair that fell in waves just above his shoulders. By contrast, Roach, who had been given the nickname when he had first decided to become an exterminator and who hardly answered to anything else anymore, had piercings in his eyebrow, 2

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nose, lip, and nipples. Tattoos covered his arms and chest, and he wore his brown hair cut short in a sort of military style. “No, Roger would kill me if I made you miss practice. He’s already wanting you to move out of this place,” Roach said. The truth was, he hated Alexi’s coach. The man thought Roach a terrible influence on his precious Alexi. Maybe Roach liked to party a bit, but he wouldn’t hurt Alexi for anything. “Yes, but it’s my choice, not his.” Alexi straightened. “Should I call the doctor?” “No, no, Lex. It’s not quite as painful. I think it’s getting better.” “Are you sure?” he asked doubtfully. Roach smiled, even though it hurt. “Yeah.” At that moment Roach’s business cell phone rang. It was across the room on the coffee table. Alexi fetched it and brought it to him. “This is Roach.” “Hello, this is Lou Cortez. I’m the son of Mrs. Cortez,” a smooth, deep, sexy voice said over the line. “Oh, yes, Mr. Cortez, how are you?” He remembered the tall, gorgeous man who’d hired him on behalf of his mother for her exterminating needs. Up until that day it had been just spraying for ants. When he’d arrived for his usual appointment, Mrs. Cortez had pointed out the wasp’s nest. “Lou, please. I’m good, but wanted to ask you about yourself. My mother told me about what happened and that you refused to go to the hospital. How are you?” “I’m doing much better, Lou. I’m just sorry I couldn’t get rid of the nest. I’ve called another exterminator company that specializes in bees and wasps.” Roach withheld his sigh with effort. “I’m not really qualified for their extermination.” 3

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“Understandable. My mother didn’t realize. She said the other exterminator has already contacted her, so thank you for that.” “Anyway, I appreciate your concern, but I’ll live,” Roach said jokingly. “I’m glad.” Lou hesitated, the silence lagging between them. Just as Roach went to say something, Lou spoke again. “I was wondering, when you’re feeling better, if you might like to go to dinner with me?” “Dinner?” Roach frowned when he heard something clatter from the direction of the kitchen. “Yes. Unless I’m wrong and you’re not gay? Or you’re seeing someone? Not interested?” “No, no, I’m interested. And I’m not seeing anyone. Sounds like a great idea,” Roach said quickly. “Terrific. I’ll call you on Friday. How does that sound?” Lou asked. “I look forward to it. Bye.” Roach ended the call and set the phone on the dining table. “Lex? You getting ready to go?” “Getting a snack,” Alexi called from the kitchen. “You hungry?” “Yeah, I could eat something, thanks.” He stood and scooted the chair back against the table. Things were looking up after the craptastic day he’d had. He made his way into the kitchen just in time to see Alexi bending over, looking into the fridge. He wore sweats and a Tshirt, his usual practice clothes, but even with the baggy sweats, Roach knew Alexi had a killer round ass. The man was hot as hell and had starred in more than one of Roach’s fantasies. When they’d first met in high school, Alexi had already had a boyfriend, Jonathan. He hadn’t broken up with Jonathan until two 4

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years after high school ended and Roach had been involved with George at that point. When Roach ended things with George, Alexi had been seeing Brandon. It seemed whenever one of them was free, the other was not. Eventually Roach just accepted they were destined to only be friends. He knew enough from the guys Alexi had dated that he liked preppy pretty boys similar to himself and not tattooed, pierced guys like Roach. Didn’t stop Roach from continuing to have his fantasies. Alexi straightened and turned from the fridge with a smile. “Just going to make some sandwiches.” “Sounds good.” “Who was that on the phone?” “Oh, the lady who owned the house with the wasps?” “Yeah.” “Her son. He’s the guy who hired me to do her house. Anyway, he’s gorgeous and apparently gay because he just asked me out.” “That’s nice,” Alexi said softly. He poured iced tea into two glasses and handed one to Roach. “When?” “He’ll call me Friday. What about you? Are you still hot and heavy with that guy Sean?” Alexi rolled his eyes and snorted. “No. He got a little too rough.” “Rough?” Roach’s blood chilled. “If he hurt you I’ll—” “No, no. He didn’t. Not really. I…um…well, I like to be spanked.” Alexi blushed. “And he got a little carried away. I didn’t like it, so we ended things. No biggie.” Roach could barely breathe, thinking of Alexi’s pale round ass quivering as his hand smacked it over and over. He shook his head and scowled. “Are you sure? Because I’ll kick his fucking ass if he did.” 5

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Alexi laughed, as he spread mustard over salami on the sandwich. “Positive. I’m okay, Roach.” He rubbed his face. “Still feels swollen, damn it.” “Still hurt?” “A little, but nothing like before.” “It is still swollen,” Alexi admitted with a smile. “But you don’t look like Violet anymore.” “Thank God for small favors anyway.”

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CHAPTER 2 Alexi wiped the sweat from his face with the towel his coach, Roger Willows, had just handed to him. He was battered and sore from his practice, but exhilarated, too. The routine was coming along so well he was almost worried. Maybe it wasn’t difficult enough to be competitive. “I know what you’re thinking,” Roger spoke up, handing him a bottle of water. “You’re wrong. The routine is enough. It’s strong. You’ll shine.” His coach had once been a medal figure skater himself, decades earlier, though he’d never won higher than a bronze himself. He was a much sought after coach, though, and Alexi had been lucky to get him back when he’d been hired by Alexi’s American father and Russian mother, pairs’ figure skaters themselves. Alexi had 7

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been seven when Roger became his coach. Alexi nodded and gulped down water. “Are you sure we shouldn’t ask the choreographer to add another combination? Like a triple axel triple toe loop? “ Roger rested his hand on Alexi’s shoulder. “It’s a superior routine, Alexi. And you are a superior skater. When you focus.” Resisting the urge to roll his eyes, Alexi said, “I am focusing.” “You fell a few more times than usual today.” He draped the towel around his neck and headed toward the locker room, followed closely by his coach. “It wasn’t because I wasn’t focused.” “Then why?” “It just took me a bit to warm up is all.” “I think we should talk about a new place for you to live.” Roger folded his arms across his chest and leaned against the lockers as Alexi opened his. “We’ve been over this. There’s nothing wrong with my apartment. It’s within walking distance of the rink.” Roger nodded. “True, but I’m thinking of a more drastic move.” Alexi’s hand froze on the door of his locker and he turned to look at his coach. “What are you talking about?” “I’m thinking Aspen.” His stomach dropping, Alexi frowned. “Colorado?” “It’s where I trained. It’s where your mother and father trained and met.” “Maybe, but I’ve been training here all my life and I’ve done well.” “Yes. A silver medal is commendable.” Roger grabbed up Alexi’s discarded towel. “But I want a world championship for 8

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you, Alexi. An Olympic championship. You, of all the skaters I coach, are the one who can and will do it.” “But why can’t I just do that here?” “You need to focus. I want you to think skating twenty-four hours, seven days a week.” Roger sat on the bench in front of the lockers. “I know about your feelings.” Suddenly his heart pounded painfully in his chest. “My ffeelings?” “For Roach. You’ve had a crush on him for years.” “It’s not a crush,” Alexi denied. He sank onto the bench next to Roger. “Do you think he knows, too? “I doubt it.” Roger began to knead Alexi’s shoulders. “He seems oblivious to you, I’m afraid. Think about it, if he’d been interested in you, he would have acted on it by now. You two have been friends for years, haven’t you?” “Yeah.” Alexi hung his head. Only a few minutes before he’d felt so good and energetic. Now he felt…desolate. “Just think about it, Alexi. Aspen wouldn’t be forever. Just until the Olympics. Once you’ve won, you can live anywhere, go professional. Whatever.” He nodded, biting his lip. “I’ll…I want to talk to my parents. See what they think, too.” Roger smiled. “Of course, of course. I’m sure they’ll want what’s best for you. Go on and get showered. I’ll drop you by your apartment on my way home.” *

*

*

Alexi walked into his quiet, dark apartment. He guessed Roach must have felt good enough to go out. No doubt one of Roach’s 9

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friends had asked him to go down to Tigerheat since it was Thursday. They always had an event in Hollywood on Thursdays. He went straight to his bedroom, not bothering to turn any lights on—he knew the way—and threw his duffel bag in the corner. This sucked. He didn’t want to go to Aspen, but maybe Roger was right. It might help his chances at winning the championships. But the thought of not seeing Roach, even for a month, let alone years made him nauseous. How could he leave his best friend? His heart? It was true Roach would never be his boyfriend, but he was in his life and that was enough for Alexi. How could he do it without him? Miserable, Alexi flounced down on his bed. Was Roger right? Was he better off in Aspen away from Roach? His heart twisted. It couldn’t be so. Eventually, exhaustion claimed him, because he woke with a start, hearing the front door bang closed. “Shh, you’ll wake Alexi,” Roach say loudly, then laughed. Oh, God. “Who’s Alexi?” a strange guy asked. “My roommate. Don’t worry about him. Let’s go to my room.” “Can we fuck there?” “Oh, yeah.” Alexi clenched his eyes shut, his chest hurting, his throat raw. He’d never get used to this. How many nights had he lain awake listening to similar conversations? Similar one-night stands. Knowing in the very next room Roach made someone else come. Fucked someone else. Tasted someone else. Kissed someone else. It tore him apart. Aspen might be preferable when times like this happened. The 10

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door to Roach’s bedroom closed and he heard more drunken laughter. He should be drunk himself to block this out, but Alexi didn’t drink. Wasn’t good for his future. Not to mention his endless hours of practicing. He squished the pillows around his ears, trying to block out any noise they might make. Why was this bugging him so much now? It wasn’t as though he’d not already been through this. Was it what Roger said today? Roach would never want him. Alexi always knew that, but having someone else echo it might have been too much. When he felt tears sting at the corners of his eyes, Alexi knew what he had to do. Going away would heal his broken heart. *

*

*

In the morning, Alexi made his way out to the kitchen for coffee just as Roach came out of his room, wearing his exterminator uniform. All the swelling from the wasp stings had disappeared, but there were dark circles under his eyes. “Good morning, Lex.” Without meeting his gaze, Alexi poured himself coffee from the coffeepot. Obviously Roach had been out to make the coffee earlier. “Good morning. Sleep well?” Roach yawned. “Well enough. Pour me one, too, will you?” He nodded and took out another mug from the cabinet. He hesitated. “Does your…friend want one, too?” Roach chuckled. “Nah, he’s gone already.” Alexi swallowed the lump in his throat and poured the coffee. “Listen, later, when you have a free moment?” “Yeah?” 11

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“We need to talk.” Roach tilted his head. “Talk? Is there a problem with our bills or something? Am I not paying enough?” Alexi winced at the reminder he didn’t really pay anything himself. His share of the rent, the bills, all of it, was handled by his father. His parents wanted him to concentrate fully on ice skating and not working. The medals, the championship, were all that mattered to any of them. “No, no, Roach. It’s not that. It’s…something else.” “I have to get to work soon. I’ll call you later. That guy, Lou, said he’d call today to set up our date.” Gritting his teeth against the painful reminder, Alexi forced a smile. “Yeah, whenever. Just soon, okay? Sometime this weekend.” Roach smiled and took a large swallow of coffee. “You got it, Lex. I better run. Talk later.” “Have a good day,” he forced out brightly. When Roach had left, Alexi went to the couch with the phone and sank down amongst the bulky overstuffed throw pillows. Hitting the speed dial for his parents, he waited through the rings. “Hello, Alexi,” his mother’s soft Russian accented voice answered. “Good morning. Did I wake you?” “No, I rise early still. I’ve been on the treadmill already. How are you, my darling?” Alexi closed his eyes. “I’m all right. I’ve been talking to my coach.” “You are practicing every day, Alexi?” “Of course, Mom. But, he thinks maybe some time in Aspen 12

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might be beneficial.” Silence greeted this announcement and, holding his breath, he waited for his mother to react. “I see,” she said after a while. Alexi was his parents’ only child. Though the figure skating pair had won the American Championship twice, they had never been able to medal in their three Olympic appearances. Just as with his coach, Alexi felt the burden of outdoing all of them. Their dreams, their wishes, all rested with him. He wanted it. He did or he never would have come this far. But sometimes it was hard to breathe with the pressure weighing on him. “What do you think?” he asked when she didn’t say anything else. “I’ll miss you,” she said softly. “But you think I should go?” “I don’t know what to tell you, Alexi. This is a decision you must make. Your papa and I will support whatever you decide, but you are old enough to make that choice.” He pinched the bridge of his nose. He had expected his mother to make the decision for him. Well, not exactly. But he hoped for a strong opinion in favor of Aspen. One that would make him decide he had to agree. “I should, right?” “Did you call for me to tell you what to do?” “Maybe.” “Alexi, you are a fantastic skater. Better than either me or Papa. Better than your coach, too. The best, I think, out there now. But I am not exactly objective.” She laughed. “As much as I adore you and am proud of you, you are an adult. You choose.” 13

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“Fine. You were supposed to help me.” Alexi was aware he was pouting but he couldn’t help himself. This was supposed to be easy. “It’ll be more money.” “True. We have it though.” “I’ll be away from home, my friends, Ro—” He stopped. “It will be hard.” “Yes. But it will be a good experience, too.” And it would put the much needed distance between him and Roach. He was never going to move on from the idea of Roach if he didn’t get his ass away from living with the man. Who was he kidding? “All right. I’ll do it. I’m going to tell Roger.”

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CHAPTER 3 Roach walked into the apartment at five minutes after seven that night. It had been a long day. Because he’d lost some of the day before after being stung by the wasps, he’d had to put in some extra stops not normally on the Friday schedule. He was exhausted and just wanted a long hot shower. Fortunately his date with Lou wouldn’t be until tomorrow night. “Lex? You home?” “In here,” Alexi called from the kitchen. Roach walked into the kitchen, always anxious to see Alexi after a long day. The sight of the man always made his day better. Alexi was holding a mug, bobbing a teabag in and out of the steaming hot water. “God, I’m tired.” 15

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Alexi nodded. “Me, too. My workout was hard today.” “Your coach works you too hard sometimes.” Roach grabbed a water from the fridge. He never had liked Roger. There was something kind of slimy about the guy. He thought so anyway. “I need it if I’m to win.” “I’m going to get a shower. You want to have that talk when I’m done?” “You aren’t going out tonight?” Roach shook his head. “Too tired. Made the date with Lou for tomorrow. You?” “Nah. No one I’m interested in right now.” He knew that about Alexi. The man didn’t pick up casual flings. He liked relationships and was uncomfortable in clubs and bars. “Okay, give me thirty minutes.” “All right.” Roach couldn’t help wondering what Alexi wanted to talk about the entire time he showered. If it wasn’t about money, what could it be? He tried to make sure he picked up his messes. He did the shit around the apartment that was his responsibility. He frowned, soaping up his body. He washed the arm with the most recent tattoo, a rather comical cartoon cockroach that covered his left biceps. That one had been done on a dare and had gotten a lot of laughs from his friends. He had a snake on the right biceps. He toweled off after the shower and dressed in flannel pajama bottoms and a tank top and went out to find Alexi. He found him sitting cross-legged on the couch, sipping his tea and idly changing channels on the television with the remote. “Here I am, all squeaky clean,” Roach joked. He plopped down next to Alexi and, taking the remote from his hand, hit the off 16

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button. “What’s up? It’s been a while since we’ve talked.” “Yeah.” “Someone hurt you? If they did I swear—” Alexi sighed. “No, Roach. And I can take care of myself anyway. I don’t need you to beat anyone up.” His gut tightened at the idea of Alexi not needing him for anything. If he didn’t need Roach for muscle, what use was he? “What is it then?” “There isn’t an easy way to say this so I’m just going to get straight to it, Roach. I’m going to be moving to Aspen, Colorado.” Roach felt like he’d been sucker-punched. His heart slammed against his ribs, his breath caught. His brain fractured, and he couldn’t form words. He just stared, wondering when numbness would come and make the pain go away. Alexi fidgeted. “You aren’t saying anything.” “I—” “I know it’s kind of a shock, but Roger thinks with the championship coming up soon it’s time to focus, and he’s trained in Aspen himself. Lots of skaters do.” “Roger thinks,” Roach repeated. “What do you think? You want to do this? Leave the only home you’ve ever known? Your parents?” Me? “I think it’s a good thing, too. I don’t want to leave Los Angeles, but I’m going to need to train pretty much nonstop now until the next Olympics.” Roach clenched his hands into fists. “And you can’t train here? You’ve always trained here. That’s why we got this apartment so close to the rink.” “The choreographer lives there. She’s been coming to us when 17

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we ask her, but with us right there she can spend more time with us. Make sure the routine is perfect.” “So Roger says, right?” He tried to keep the bitterness out of his tone but he knew from the tightening of Alex’s shoulders he hadn’t succeeded. “I think Roger knows what’s best for my career, Roach. He’s trained many medalists. He’s one of the best around.” Fuck, Alexi had decided. He wasn’t asking Roach what he thought, he was telling him what was going to happen. He didn’t care about what Roach thought. He was just up and leaving without caring. Roach nodded. “Okay. Well.” “That’s all you have to say?” He shrugged, trying to be as casual and nonchalant as Alexi. “What else is there to say? Um, I guess, when?” “Next month. Hopefully you can find another roommate by then.” He could find a million roommates but he wouldn’t find another Alexi. He wanted to get drunk and die is what he wanted. But what he did was put his hand on Alexi’s leg and squeeze it. Then he stood. “I think I’m going to head off to bed early. I’m really tired. It’s been a long week. Night, Lex.” Alexi sighed. There was a deep sadness in that sigh that Roach wondered if he should pay attention to more than he was. “Goodnight, Roach.” *

*

“So then I said—” 18

*

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Roach was reminded of the comic strip Peanuts where the kids heard nothing but wah-wah-wah when the adults talked. It wasn’t Lou’s fault. The man was a gorgeous, sexy police detective. Interesting and charming. Any guy would be lucky as hell to get Lou’s attention. But he wasn’t Alexi. All he could think of during the entire dinner was that he couldn’t stand the idea of Alexi leaving. He’d barely heard a word Lou said and he felt like a gigantic ass. “You aren’t listening to a word I’m saying, are you?” Lou asked, smiling slightly. The glass of wine he’d lifted to his lips froze mere inches from his mouth. “I’m…I’m sorry.” Lou waved his hand. “At least you didn’t bother to lie.” Roach lowered his wine glass to the table. “It’s not you.” “Oh, Christ, I’m getting the it’s not you, it’s me speech on the first date,” Lou joked. “Lucky me.” “I didn’t mean it like that.” Roach felt himself flush. “There’s someone else, huh?” “Yeah.” Lou nodded. “I hoped that it wasn’t you didn’t find me attractive at least.” “Are you kidding? You’re gorgeous.” And he was, too. Tall, dark and handsome in a sexy macho Latino sort of way that would normally melt Roach’s insides. But he wasn’t a graceful brunet ice-skater with sky blue eyes to die for. “And you agreed to go out with me why?” Lou asked. “A fair question. I thought I could do this. You know, the guy, he’s not into me. I’ve known him for years and we’ve always only been friends. We’ve always done our own thing as far as guys are 19

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concerned.” “Hmm. And so what’s changed now?” “He’s leaving. I guess it’s hit me pretty hard. I’m sorry.” Roach sighed. “And I keep saying that.” “Win some lose some. It’s not a big deal, Roach. It’s our first date, I’ll live. Have you ever told this guy how you feel?” “Well, no. But I’m not his type. And he’s never shown any interest in me.” “And you’ve never shown any in him, right?” Lou smirked. Roach swallowed. “Yeah.” “I’m not Dear Abby or anything, and I’m not even sure why I care, but why don’t you get your head out of your ass and tell this guy how you feel before he leaves?” Lou stopped the waiter passing by. “Check, please.” *

*

*

Roach stood outside the door of his and Alexi’s apartment and wondered if he had the guts to really do this. What do you have to lose? He couldn’t lose more than he was already losing. He twisted the knob and walked inside. “Roach?” Alexi stood up from the couch, frowning. Like the night before, he wore a T-shirt, sweats and white tube socks. “You’re home early.” “Yeah.” His heart rose to his throat. He stared hungrily at Alexi, unable to look away from the sight of the man’s light brown hair all mussed and falling in his eyes. His plump, tempting lips parted slightly in surprise. His cheeks flushed pink. The man was perfection. 20

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“Everything all right?” Alexi asked. “No.” “Roach, what the hell is wrong? You look like hell. You’re all pale.” Alexi tossed the remote he’d held in his hand onto the couch and walked over to Roach. “What is it?” “Please…don’t leave me,” he said hoarsely. “What?” “Don’t leave. I want you to stay. I know…I know I have no right to ask. But I am asking. I’m begging, Lex.” “I don’t understand,” Alexi whispered, looking stricken. “I know you don’t. I’m an idiot.” Roach ran his hand over his short-cropped hair. “I know I shouldn’t do this to you. I know how much skating means to you. But, you’ve trained here all your life. You’re a medalist now. There’s nothing wrong with the rink you train at. Lots of champions have trained there. And the choreographer…if you need her more often, we’ll pay for her to fly here. Please, Lex, I can’t have you leave me. Not like this.” “You—is there…?” Alexi shook his head. “What is it you’re not saying, Roach?” Roach closed his eyes briefly. Here it was. Taking the biggest chance of his life and he was scared shitless. But if he could survive crazed wasps, surely he could survive this. He opened his eyes and met Alexi’s gaze. “I love you, Alexi. I’ve loved you for a long time and I was just too afraid to tell you. I didn’t want things to be awkward between us. I didn’t want to lose you by telling you how I felt, but now I’m losing you anyway. Please. Tell me you’ll give me a chance.” Alexi gave a little gasp and then threw his arms around Roach, hugging him tight. “I love you, too.” Roach crushed the slighter man to him, so tight he was almost 21

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afraid he was squashing him, but he didn’t loosen his grip. He closed his eyes and inhaled the scent that was Alexi. “God, I love you. I can’t believe you love me, too.” “I do,” Alexi said fiercely. Swallowing a lump, Roach sighed. “We’re a couple of fools. Look at all the time we wasted.” Alexi nodded against him. “I know. Let’s not waste anymore. Make love to me.” And just like that, Roach’s dick hardened. The prospect of fucking Alexi’s tight ass made him light-headed. And then there was that thing Alexi had mentioned before. He released Alexi just enough to be able to look at his beautiful face. “Do you really like to be spanked?” Alexi grinned wickedly. “Oh, yeah. Come with me.” He let Alexi lead him to Roach’s bedroom and they undressed each other quickly. They’d have long enough to linger over such things as undressing other times. Right now, he wanted Alexi beneath him naked and hot and begging for release. Ah, fuck. Falling onto the bed with Alexi, Roach framed the man’s face with his hands, lowering his lips to just inches from Alexi’s. Now that the moment was here he could hardly believe it. “I’ve wanted to taste your lips for so long,” he whispered. Alexi cupped his jaw. “What are you waiting for? Kiss me.” He crushed his mouth to Alexi’s, the plump lips parting under the assault, a sigh escaping Alexi. God, they were better than he imagined. He tasted them, over and over, slanting his mouth over Alexi’s like a starving man. Their tongues twirled, danced, caressed, and, finally, unable to help himself, Roach sucked Alexi’s tongue into his mouth. 22

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He wanted to spend hours…days…a lifetime like this. But his leaking prick brushed against Alexi’s thigh, and Alexi reached down and closed his hand over Roach’s straining shaft. “Ah, damn, Lex,” he breathed, trapping Alexi’s lips for a possessive, demanding kiss. His lust fogged brain struggled for thought. Lube, condoms. He needed those. He wanted to be buried in Alexi and fast. His palm itched to feel soft, round flesh jump at contact. Focus, Roach. “You make me feel like this is my first time,” Roach said, laughing. “I want you so damn much.” “Take me,” Alexi whispered, the look in his blue eyes so intense Roach almost forgot to breathe. “Stay here.” Reluctantly he rose from the bed, from the warmth of Alexi’s body, to grab the lube and a condom from the bathroom. When he returned to the bed, Alexi had turned over and lay on his stomach, displaying the most perfect, round, pale globes of flesh he had ever seen. Clenching his fists, Roach fought for control. He wanted to slap his hand across that bottom so bad he could almost feel the sting on his palm. But he was also so fucking turned on he didn’t want to get carried away and scare him off. He could still recall Alexi mentioning Sean getting too rough. For a moment, jealousy filled his heart, thinking of other men with Alexi. But that was in the past. Their past. No one would be with Alexi now but him. And it would be the same for him. He only wanted Alexi. “Roach?” “Yeah. I just can’t get over how perfect you are.” He knelt on the bed next to Alexi and trailed lube he squeezed out from the 23

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bottle between Alexi’s cheeks. The sight of the liquid glistening on that pale skin had him shaking with need. He stroked his own cock, desperate for the momentary relief. His palm came down softly on Alexi’s right butt cheek. “Mmm.” Alexi moaned, wiggling his ass. “More. Please.” Smack! Smack! Smack! He wanted to spank Alexi more, prolong it for him, but he couldn’t wait. He sheathed his cock with the condom and then added more lube to Alexi’s crease. “Later, after we get some relief, Lex, I’ll spank you all night if you want.” Alexi laughed. “I’ll hold you to that. And I’m going to want to play with your nipple piercings.” He groaned just thinking about Alexi tugging on his rings. “I’ll hold you to that.” “Fuck me.” Roach stuck a finger inside Alexi’s reddened ass, moving it in and out of the tight opening. He didn’t know whose groan was louder. It was pure torture. Adding a second finger, he spread Alexi wide, stroking his fingers deeper, more easily. “Reach underneath and touch yourself, Lex,” Roach urged. Alexi nodded eagerly and lifted up enough to slide his hand between the mattress and his body. He shook as his hand grasped his cock. God, Roach wanted to taste that cock. There was so damn much he wanted to do with Alexi. Everything. He slipped in a third finger and knew he had to enter Alexi soon. His own cock was so hard he knew he’d explode if he waited 24

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much longer. “Lex?” Was that raw, desperate croak really from him? “Yes, please, Roach. Do it.” Groaning, he withdrew his fingers. Before he replaced them with his cock though, he leaned over Alexi’s graceful back and placed kisses all along Alex’s spine. “Roach, please,” Alexi begged, quivering. “Anything, Lex. Anything for you.” He posed himself between the perfect cheeks and pushed inside. The tightness squeezed him for a moment, resisting the intrusion, and Alexi stiffened. “Easy, let me in.” Alexi nodded, burying his face in the mattress, moaning, continuing to stroke his own cock. He loosened up, allowing Roach to fully penetrate him and slide all the way in. God, he was fucking Alexi. And it felt so damn right it was scary. Roach held himself up over Alexi, his muscles flexing as he thrust in and out of the tightness, not wanting to crush the slighter man. Again and again he thrust in and pulled out, seeking to touch every inch of Alexi’s ass. Every angle, brushing his prostate as often as he could. The man’s soft whimpers pushed him on, over and over. Roach was desperate for release, but he wouldn’t come before Alexi. Even if it killed him. Beads of sweat formed on his forehead, droplets spilling into his eyes, to burn and sting. Still he rammed Alexi. His arms shook with the effort to hold him. Again and again he slammed into the warm, tight ass of his lover. 25

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“Lex?” “Mmm?” “Please tell me you’re close.” “Uh-huh. Gonna come.” “Thank God, please.” Alexi shook beneath him as he cried out his release. “Oh, fuck, damn, Lex!” Roach pounded fast and hard, thrusting through the shattering orgasm that sent tremors through every nerve of his body. “I love you,” he gasped out, before his arms collapsed and he fell onto Alexi. A while later, after discarding the used condom, Roach held Alexi to him, squeezing him as tight as he dared, feeling their still rapid heartbeats as bare skin touched bare skin. “What about Aspen? What about Roger?” he asked, his stomach souring thinking of the possibility of Alexi still going to Colorado. After all, he hadn’t yet said he wouldn’t. Alexi smiled. “You were right. I’ll train here. I’ll make it work. It has to. Roger will just have to deal. He will, because he wants me to win. He’ll agree. I love you and I’m staying here.” “This can’t be happening. It feels like a dream,” Roach admitted. Kissing Alexi desperately all over again, he whispered, “Please, tell me this is real.” “It’s very real, Roach.” Alexi smiled and drew their mouths together again. And to think only a few hours ago he’d been certain Alexi could never be his.

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SHAWN LANE

Shawn Lane believes love and passion know no boundaries. Shawn writes both erotic love stories involving men in historical or contemporary settings and interracial romances between men and women. Shawn is always looking for new stories and new characters to create while holding down life in California. *

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Don’t miss Lost Between by Shawn Lane, available at AmberAllure.com!

Famous horror author Curtis Macintyre has recently rented an apartment in an historical building in San Francisco. But the apartment comes with more than just old charm. It also comes with the spirit of Aaron Carmichael, a man murdered five years before. After Curtis visits a medium, Aaron’s spirit comes to him and asks for his help in finding peace since he’s lost between two worlds, the living and the afterlife. When Curtis decides to visit Aaron’s boyfriend, Robbie Henley, a beautiful hairdresser, Aaron comes along…inside Curtis.

Now with Robbie’s help, it’s up to Curtis to find out what happened to Aaron so he can finally have peace. And maybe, together, Curtis and Robbie can find their own happily ever after…

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