Broken

BROKEN

Jessica Freely

www.loose-id.com

Broken Copyright © September 20111 by Jessica Freely All rights reserved. This copy is intended for the original purchaser of this e-book ONLY. No part of this e-book may be reproduced, scanned, or distributed in any printed or electronic form without prior written permission from Loose Id LLC. Please do not participate in or encourage piracy of copyrighted materials in violation of the author's rights. Purchase only authorized editions.

eISBN 978-1-61118-554-6 Editor: Venessa Giunta Cover Artist: P. L. Nunn Printed in the United States of America

Published by Loose Id LLC PO Box 809 San Francisco CA 94104-0809 www.loose-id.com This e-book is a work of fiction. While reference might be made to actual historical events or existing locations, the names, characters, places and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

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Chapter One Pickup

It hadn’t been this bad in a long time. Eben Flannery sat on the edge of his bed and tried to force his battered hands closed, but the most they could do was form claws. The knuckles looked like meatballs, but worse than the pain was the memory of how they got this way. Nicky said Roy Murphy was a rat who had flipped for the feds. But Roy was family. Not just business family but an actual blood relative. A cousin and a real Flannery by blood, even if he carried his father’s name. Eben couldn’t imagine how anybody could turn on family, but Nicky said there was nothing a rat wouldn’t do. Except all night long, Roy just kept on saying, “I didn’t do it,” over and over again. Never once “I’m sorry.” Usually they got around to that, eventually. But Eben was just the dumb younger brother. Nicky was the smart one. Nicky was always right, and if Nicky said Roy was a rat, it wasn’t Eben’s job to argue. His job was to do what Nicky told him, no matter what—just like he’d promised their ma before she died. Sometimes Eben’s job really sucked. He got up. His stack of yaoi manga had fallen over and slid out into plain view. He nudged the books back under the bed with his foot before going out into the hallway. He shut the bedroom door, just to be extra safe. The last thing he needed was Nicky coming by unexpectedly and discovering his stash of gay porn. Eben crossed his little apartment to the kitchen. It wasn’t much, his place, but it had all he needed, plus a little postage stamp of a patio where he kept potted plants. In the morning he liked to go out there and drink his coffee and water his plants. Nicky lived in the Belmont Hotel now. Eben always thought hotels were just for visits, but he was wrong. Nicky lived there fulltime. He was a big success.

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He opened the fridge with one elbow, but he couldn’t manage the coffee carafe without using his hands. They felt like they were full of glass. He hissed as he grasped the handle and poured himself a cup. He had the milk already mixed in. That was a blessing. Nicky always made fun of him because he brewed one big pot of coffee and kept it in the fridge, drinking it cold until it was gone. Eben liked it this way, though. The cool mug soothed his sore hands, and he took a sip. Cold coffee with milk. Mmm. He was just about to loop one arm through his watering can when his cell started playing “When Irish Eyes are Smiling.” Nicky. Eben had a hard time gripping the little phone in his swollen hand, and an even harder time hitting the green button with his meaty forefinger. He dropped the phone on the counter twice before finally managing it. “Hi, Nicky.” “What the fuck took you so long? I thought I was going to start collecting retirement waiting for you to pick up.” “That’s funny, Nicky. You don’t have a job!” “Fuck you! I got a full-time job just looking after you, dumbass. I don’t have a job? Fuck you. What do you think I do all day? Just ’cause I don’t punch a clock, I’m some kinda lazy ass? How many times I got to explain this to you? I’m a businessman. I work for myself, and that’s the toughest job there is. Don’t have a job. Fuck you.” “I’m sorry, Nicky. I know you work hard to take care of me, just like you promised Ma. And I’m grateful. You’re a big success. I know that. I didn’t mean it like that. Ma and Da would be real proud of you.” Nicky’s voice softened. “Yeah, well, you don’t gotta go dragging them into it. Just answer the fucking phone the next time, all right?” “Sure. I’m sorry. It’s just my hands. They hurt real bad this morning.” “I keep telling you to wrap them, fuckhead.” Nicky was just mad because he didn’t like Eben to get hurt. “I know. It’s just… It don’t seem fair. The other guys, they don’t get to wrap their faces.” Nicky laughed.

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That made Eben smile. “Where do you come up with this stuff? Best writers in the world couldn’t create funnier material. I don’t know what I’d do without you, churning out the comedy to brighten my day. Priceless. All right. Look, I don’t got all day to fool around. I need you to do something for me.” “Sure, Nicky.” “I need you to make a pickup at the airport.” “Okay. Anything special I need to know about this one?” “Yeah. It ain’t a package this time. It’s a person.” “A mule?” “No, not exactly. Just go to the international terminal and wait for him at the Starbucks next to baggage claim. He’ll be in a school uniform. He’s Chinese. He’ll say he’s there with International Cultural Exchange. Then you drive him to my place. Got it?” “Sure. So you’re hosting an exchange student? That’s real nice of you.” Nicky chuckled. “Priceless. Yeah, look, never mind who it is or why he’s here. Just treat it like a package pickup. Keep it simple. And don’t fuck it up. I’m warning you. I’d take care of it myself, but I have an important appointment I can’t reschedule.” “Okay. I can do it. No problem.” “Well, hurry. You need to be there by ten.” Nicky hung up. Eben looked at the clock above the stove. It was nine fifteen, and Boston Logan Airport was at least half an hour away. So much for watering the plants. Eben drank down the rest of his coffee and jumped in the shower.

*** Song Xiu hoped whoever had bought him this time would come across with his taste in a hurry. It had been a long flight, and his blood itched. He wasn’t going to be any good to anybody like this. His hand trembled as he unfastened his seat belt. He forced himself to move quickly despite the nausea that curled in the pit of his stomach like a whipped dog. It was chilly in the access ramp, and he cursed this ridiculous outfit Uncle Lao had made him wear. He was twenty now, but Lao called him Xiusheng. It meant schoolboy in Mandarin.

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Lao was from the mainland and he liked people to know it. The nickname was a pun and a reference to the fact that Xiu’s father was also from the mainland and had given his son a Mandarin name. It was also true that Xiu had traded on his youthful appearance with great success, but would this be what the Americans wanted? Goose bumps broke out across his bare legs. The Starbucks near baggage claim in the Boston Logan Airport was the saddest coffeehouse Xiu had ever seen. Small and dim, it offered little to distract him from his dope sickness. But it did have a bakery case. Xiu had a monster sweet tooth. He stared at the pecanencrusted sweet buns and wondered what the person who’d bought his contract would be like. Uncle Lao wouldn’t tell him who it was. Xiu didn’t even know if he was going to a pimp or someone who wanted a full-time “companion.” He’d had thirty-six hours to contemplate the two alternatives, and he still wasn’t sure which would be better. Being stuck with just one guy sounded boring, and he’d have to put up with whatever the perv dished out. That could get ugly, unless of course Xiu could manipulate him, in which case, it might turn out to be a pretty sweet deal. On the other hand, if some pimp or syndicate had bought his contract, he’d be getting lots of screened clients, and he’d have the opportunity to distinguish himself in the operation—which he would. Xiu may not have gotten into this life by choice, but he’d decided early on that if he had to be a whore, he was going to be a top-notch one. He smoothed out a crease on his shorts and adopted the demure pose that had earned so much money for Uncle Lao.

*** “He’ll be in a school uniform. He’s Chinese.” Eben hadn’t expected a vision straight out of a yaoi manga, but there he was, standing beside the bakery case in a navy blue jacket with white trim, a white shirt, a red tie, and navy blue shorts. Shorts. Eben took a deep breath and tried to get himself under control. It wasn’t easy when the “package” turned and Eben got a look at his face—a perfect oval with dark, hooded eyes and a Cupid’s bow mouth. Damn.

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“Are you”—Legal? A dream? An illegal dream I should be shot for even having?—“here with International Cultural Exchange?” “Yes. My name is Song Xiu. You are my liaison?” Eben wasn’t sure what that was, but it sounded like it had “lay” in it, and that sent his mind even further down the wrong track. “I’m here for you.” They stood staring at each other for a moment. Eben shifted his weight. The other guy glanced at the bakery case. Finally, Eben remembered his manners. “Oh. I’m Eben. Welcome to the States.” He held out his hand, forgetting what a mess it was. He colored at the sight of his split and swollen knuckles. Now this guy would know exactly what kind of a person Eben was. But it was too late. It would be rude to pull his hand back now. “You’ve injured your hand.” Song took Eben’s hand in both of his. Eben tried not to notice how gentle his hands were, like the wings of a dove. Song ghosted one thumb over Eben’s knuckles. “It must be painful.” He only came to Eben’s shoulder. He looked up into Eben’s face, searching with dark brown eyes. His lips parted, ever so slightly. He was so freakin’ beautiful. Eben pulled his hand away before he got himself in trouble. “It’s nothing. Nice to meet you, Song.” “Ah… Eben is your surname?” “My what?” “Your family name?” “Oh! No. That’s Flannery. I’m Eben Flannery.” “I see.” Song bowed. “Excuse me. I made a mistake. I should say my name is Xiu Song.” He looked up at Eben with a tentative half smile. “Shoe Song?” The half smile grew to a whole one, and a dimple appeared in his right cheek. Eben’s heart sped up.

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“Yes. Song is my family name. In China, we say family name first. But you give me your first name, so I should do the same, correct?” Eben was confused. “If I call you Eben, you should call me Xiu, right?” “Oh! So you mean your first name is Shoe.” “Xiu.” “Shoe?” “Xiu.” “Oh, I get it. Shoe!” said Eben. Shoe’s smile widened. “Yes. Just so. Shoe.” Again he glanced at the bakery case. “Hey, are you hungry? I can get you something.” Shoe’s larynx bobbed up and down as he swallowed. “Oh no. Thank you.” “You sure?” Eben noticed the sharp angle of Shoe’s jaw and the prominence of his wrist and knee bones. “You look a little thin.” The look that got him seemed a bit more intense than Eben would have expected. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to get personal. You look great. I mean…fine. You know. I wasn’t trying to bust your balls. I just—” Finally he managed to shut his trap. Shoe stared at him a moment more, and then that smile broke out again. “Please. Do not worry. You can’t offend me. You are very kind to offer and to be concerned for my health.” He bowed again. “Oh, that’s nothing. Nicky pays me plenty. You want a sweet roll or something? It would be my pleasure. Sort of a…you know, a welcome-to-America thing.” More bowing. “No, please, I—” “Aw, come on. You’re staring at that case like a dog at a butcher shop window.” Eben waved off Shoe’s protest and went to the counter. “Two sweet rolls, please. And a coffee. You want a coffee? Do you drink coffee? I mean, not ’cause you’re Chinese, ’cause… Are you old enough to drink coffee?”

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Shoe tilted his head down and looked up at Eben. He had one hip cocked, and he traced the ground with his toe. “Do you think I’m old enough?” Something about the way he did that made Eben feel queasy. Frowning, he leaned in and took a good long look at Shoe. “I don’t know. How old are you?” Shoe straightened up, his smile gone. His cheeks went pink. His voice was barely a whisper. “I’m twenty. I’m old enough.” He didn’t meet Eben’s gaze. What the hell? Why was Shoe acting scared all of a sudden? Why had he been acting like one of Nicky’s girls a second ago? Eben was all too familiar with the feeling that a game was being played and everyone else knew the rules but him. He was about to ask Shoe what was going on when the barista’s audible sigh brought him back to the matter at hand. “Two coffees, please.”

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Chapter Two Dope Sick

Pimp or client, Xiu had expected his buyer to be just like the men who paid to have sex with him back in Hong Kong. He’d hoped for someone he could manipulate or impress. He hadn’t expected someone he actually liked. It didn’t hurt that at over six feet in height and red-haired, Eben Flannery embodied Xiu’s most time-honored fantasy. Xiu had been twelve when his primary school hired Mr. O’Connor to teach English. The bluff, red-headed Irishman was Xiu’s first crush, his first inkling that he liked men the way men were supposed to like women. He’d had a kink for big, blue-eyed, redheaded gwai lo ever since. But Eben Flannery put Mr. O’Connor to shame. His long leather overcoat could not hide his powerful shoulders, narrow waist, and massive thighs. Xiu imagined himself crawling all over him, like a mountaineer. Eben’s strong, blunt jaw and broad forehead complemented the rest of his physique, while a dusting of freckles across his cheeks accentuated the boyishness of his snub nose. Best of all, the smile he gave when he saw Xiu didn’t make Xiu want to peel his own skin off. It was just a friendly smile in a kind face. And then he opened his mouth and started talking to Xiu as if he were a real person, not a jìnǚ to be bought and sold. When he bought Xiu a sweet bun, Xiu decided that having Eben as a solo client might not be so bad after all, provided he could stay on his good side. He didn’t want to wind up like the person Eben had busted his hands up on. Xiu had no baggage, so they headed straight out of the terminal. As soon as the cold Boston wind hit his bare legs, Xiu started to shiver. Was it always this cold here?

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“Here,” said Eben, taking off his leather trench coat. “I don’t know what they were thinking, sending you off dressed like that.” Xiu knew exactly what they were thinking. Only maybe Uncle Lao had made a mistake. The way Eben asked how old he was made him think his new owner wasn’t the kind of guy who got off on the idea of fucking little boys. The coat settled over Xiu’s shoulders with a comforting weight. The smell of soap and sweat surrounded him. Eben’s smell. An unfamiliar feeling settled in Xiu’s chest—a warm tingling sensation he’d never experienced with dope sickness before. He looked down and saw the bottom of the coat dragging on the ground. Maybe this was a trap. Eben gave him the coat so he could beat him for messing it up “I’m sorry, Mr. Flannery. You are very kind, but as you can see, I’ll only get your coat dirty. You’d better take it back.” “Nah. That’s okay. It’s been through a lot worse, believe me.” Eben tucked his coffee in the crook of his arm, flexed his hands and rubbed them together. Was he joking? Was he really going to let a jìnǚ wear his coat and drag it on the ground? Or was this all some kind of a game? Eben smiled. He wore a hoodie sweatshirt and jeans. The powerful expanse of his chest was now revealed in all its glory. Xiu tried not to stare. “Come on,” said Eben. “Let’s get out of the cold.” Eben started across the street, and Xiu had no choice but to follow. He managed to keep the hem of Eben’s coat off the ground, though it wasn’t easy juggling the coffee and the little paper bag with the sweet roll. Eben flexed his hands again. They must really hurt him. Who had he been beating? Why? Eben rested one hand on Xiu’s shoulder. Xiu couldn’t help it. He expected a shove, a grab, a blow. He flinched. Eben pulled his hand back as if burned. “Sorry. Didn’t mean anything. Just… You looked kind of scared, and I… It must be tough, traveling so far from home. Come on. Let’s get you where you need to go.”

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Eben didn’t touch him again, and Xiu cursed himself for his reaction. The spot on his shoulder where Eben’s meaty hand had rested tingled with the memory of that brief instant. Xiu followed him across the parking lot. The car wasn’t quite what he’d expected. It was an Audi, but it had seen better days. A line of rust pebbled the rims of the wheel wells, and there was a dent in the front passenger’s side door. “Excuse the mess,” said Eben, frantically tossing fast-food wrappers into the backseat. “Please don’t tell Nicky.” Nicky? “There you go,” said Eben, holding the door open. “Climb in.” Xiu munched on his sweet bun and watched the scenery go by. A wave of nausea rolled through him like a swell in a dirty sea. Sweat broke out all over his body. Here came the second wave of dope sickness—worse that the first. “Do we have far to go?” Likely Eben would give him his taste when they got to his place. “No. Forty minutes maybe.” Xiu watched Eben out of the corner of his eye. What if he didn’t have any heroin? The thought constricted Xiu’s chest with a mix of hope and dread. The fantasy that his new owner would put up with him sweating and vomiting his way through withdrawal tried to insinuate itself into his heart. Xiu pried a pecan off his sweet bun and sucked on it to distract himself. Ridiculous. You couldn’t do it anyway. You’re too weak. Better stick to what you know, jìnǚ. “So, are you a student, then?” Eben’s voice broke Xiu out of his queasy reverie. “Huh?” “Are you a student? Nicky said you were here with some kind of exchange program. And you’re dressed like a student.” Xiu stared at Eben. Was he joking? Was he making fun of him? Or had Xiu been mistaken? Maybe Eben did want to pretend he’d purchased a schoolboy to have sex with. Eben cast him a glance and a smile, then went back to watching the road. “I really admire people who do well in school. I sucked at it. But you must be really smart if you’re going to

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school in a whole other country. Different language and everything? Your English is really good.” Xiu searched Eben’s face and body language for some clue as to what the fuck was going on. What was he supposed to do? What did Eben want him to say? He was about to fall back on the tried and true, lean across the seat, and undo Eben’s fly when another wave of nausea hit. Xiu fought the urge to vomit. Not now. Eben saw Xiu still staring at him. “Sorry. Am I talking too much? Nicky says I talk too much. It’s none of my business why you’ve come to America. I’m sure Nicky will have everything ready for you, though. Nicky’s good with details. Not like me. But then he’d better be. He has a lot of businesses to run.” Xiu swallowed his rising gorge. “Who’s Nicky?” Eben started. “You don’t know? He sent me to pick you up. I’m taking you to him now.” “N-Nicky sent you? Not—It wasn’t you who brought me here?” “Me?” Eben laughed. “I couldn’t even make it through grade school. They’d never let me host an exchange student. Besides, Nicky’s place is a lot nicer than mine.” Every tentative dream Xiu had tried to ignore since meeting Eben shattered like spun sugar. Of course Eben didn’t seem like the kind of person who would buy another person. Of course he was kind and considerate. Because he wasn’t the guy. Xiu lost the battle against dope sickness and hurled in the paper bag that held the pickedover remains of his sweet bun. “Oh shit!” said Eben. “I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” Xiu leaned over with his head between his legs, waiting for the blows, burning with humiliation. “No, no. That’s okay. Quick thinking with the bag, but believe me, this car has seen worse things than a little vomit. Hang on.” Eben didn’t hit him. Instead he pulled the car over to the side of the road. Xiu wanted to beg him not to. The sooner they got where they were going, the better. This Nicky would surely have the works for him. Then Xiu could bury his last hope and get on with the business of survival.

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The door beside Xiu opened and let in a blast of cold air. “Here,” said Eben, resting one of his large, gentle hands on Xiu’s back. “Maybe a little air will help. Do you need to get sick again?” He did. It was shameful, but he did. As powerless to resist Eben’s kindness now as he’d been to resist Uncle Lao and the Kuo brothers when he was eighteen, Xiu let himself be helped out of the car. Eben held his head while Xiu got sick on the side of the road. And afterward, Eben rooted around in the backseat until he found some paper napkins. Xiu sat sideways in the car, his feet on the shoulder of the road. Eben knelt on the ground and wiped his face off. Tears rolled from the corners of Xiu’s eyes in a steady stream. His breath hitched. What was wrong with him? It was the dope sickness. It had to be. “Hey, it’s okay. Everything’s going to be okay.” No, it wasn’t. But Xiu fought to control himself anyway. He took deep breaths and managed to stop weeping like a child. “It’s a big deal, coming to a strange country. You’re wrung out. And maybe a sweet roll wasn’t the best food choice after a long fight. Bright, Eben. You want to stop for some eggs?” The thought nearly sent Xiu into dry heaves. “No, thank you.” “I don’t blame you for freaking out a little. I know I would. I’ve never been anywhere.” Xiu wrapped his arms around his ribs so he didn’t grab Eben and scream, I’m dope sick! I’m a fucked-up junkie whore and you’re taking me to my new pimp! Wake up and help me! What if he did? Would Eben help him if he told him the truth? Of course not. What if he seduced Eben? Did Eben even like guys? Besides, even if he succeeded and they ran away, they’d just be hunted down by Uncle Lao, or Nicky, or someone. And what would they do for money? Eben didn’t have much—this car was evidence of that. Xiu would wind up turning tricks anyway, only without the backing of an organization. The only reason he was even thinking any of this was because he was so strung out. Xiu trembled, more from dope sickness than the cold this time.

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Eben tucked his coat around Xiu’s knees. The gesture made fresh tears leak from the corners of Xiu’s eyes. This guy is an idiot. An errand boy. He can’t help. Grow up. “So who is Nicky? I mean, do you work for him?” “He’s my brother.” Eben beamed. “He’s the smart one. Nicky is amazing. He runs all kinds of businesses here in Boston. And nothing stops him. I’m lucky he puts up with me. But we’re family. That’s what you do, isn’t it? You look out for your family.” “Yes.” Unless you don’t have any. Xiu pulled his legs in and reached for the door handle. “We’d better not keep your brother waiting.”

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Chapter Three Three-Way

Poor Shoe. So sick, scared, and alone. Eben wished there was more he could do for him. “Why don’t you close your eyes and try to get some rest? We’ve got about another half hour to go.” Shoe nodded and curled up into a little ball. Eben wasn’t sure, but he thought Shoe might be crying again. He let him be. When they got to the Belmont, Shoe was asleep. Eben didn’t have the heart to wake him. Instead, he picked him up. Shoe weighed next to nothing. His head rested against Eben’s shoulder. His dark hair felt like silk against Eben’s neck. Eben got the funniest feeling in his chest, like his heart was pressing against his ribs. It hurt and felt good all at the same time. Maybe he was getting sick too. Better get Shoe where he needed to go. Eben got in the elevator and pushed the button for Nicky’s floor. “What the fuck is this?” said Nicky when he opened the door to find Shoe cradled in Eben’s arms. “All you had to do was pick him up at the airport. Already you broke him?” “I think he’s sick.” Shoe’s skin was clammy, and a fine sheen of sweat covered him. Even in sleep, he trembled. “He threw up, and then—” “Mary Mother of God, come inside. Fuck.” Eben carried Shoe into Nicky’s hotel room. Only it wasn’t really a hotel room. It looked more like an apartment. It had separate rooms, a balcony, even a kitchen. “Take him into the guest room.” “It’s funny that a hotel room has a guest room. I mean, aren’t they all guest rooms?”

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“Shut up, Eben.” “Sorry.” Nicky followed him down the hall. “Did anyone see you carrying him up here like that?” “I parked in the underground garage and took the elevator up. I didn’t cross paths with anyone. Will he be okay?” “Oh yeah. He’s gonna be fine.” “Should we call a doctor?” “Nah. A little ancient Chinese remedy is all he needs. Watch him. Don’t let him choke on his own vomit or anything, okay? I’ll be back in a sec.” Shoe tossed in his sleep. He raised his arms as if to ward off someone hitting him. “Fau pei! Ting! “ “Hey, Shoe.” Eben touched him on the shoulder. “You’re having a nightmare. Wake up.”

*** Xiu woke to find Eben leaning over him, gently prodding his shoulder. He’d been dreaming. Or was it a dream? Sometimes it was hard to tell the difference. But he was still dope sick, so it must have been a real dream. “Eben?” “Yeah. It’s okay. You’re at Nicky’s now. He’s getting something to help you feel better.” Something to help me feel better. That’s tactful. Xiu sank back on the bed. He looked around the room—taupe wallpaper and mahogany furnishings. This was a nice place. He relaxed a little. Eben pulled the burgundy silk bedspread up and tucked it under Xiu’s chin. The skin across his knuckles had reopened, oozing blood. Xiu reached out and touched his wrist, encircling it gently. “What happened to your hands?” He knew the answer, but he wanted to find out what Eben would say. Eben looked down, his cheeks pink. “Nothing.” So he’d beaten someone, but he was ashamed of it. Interesting. Xiu tightened his hold on Eben’s wrist. He ran one thumb across the back of Eben’s hand, below the injuries. “Does it hurt?”

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Eben’s gaze could have burned a hole in the bedspread. “It’s nothing.” His face had gone from pink to scarlet. He was strong enough to pull free from Xiu’s grasp, but he didn’t. Xiu was tempted to pull him closer and kiss him, just to see what would happen next. But he really needed his fix, and making a move on the boss’s brother might not be the best idea right now. Xiu released him. “I’m sorry. It’s none of my business.” Eben looked at him then. His eyes were bright and clear. He opened his mouth to say something. “Well, looky. Sleeping Beauty is awake,” said a man much shorter than Eben. He had dark hair and a sharp face but the same blue eyes. He wore a nice suit and held a syringe in one hand as he walked into the room with quick strides. This must be Nicky. “What’s that for?” asked Eben, staring at the needle. He doesn’t know? The shorter man cracked a smile. He kept his gaze on Xiu, though his words were for Eben. “It’s medicine.” Eben wrinkled his brow. “But you ain’t a doctor, Nicky.” Nicky rolled his eyes. “Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, again the comedy routine. Would you shut the fuck up? Why are you still here, anyway?” “‘Cause you told me to watch over Shoe while you were in the other room.” “Yeah, and now I’m back. You got work to do, remember? Cricket still owes me.” “Do I gotta do a collection today? My hands—” “So wrap ’em, fuckhead. Now get lost.” Eben sighed. “Okay.” He leaned over and put a hand on Xiu’s shoulder. “It was nice meeting you. I hope you feel better.” Nicky snickered. Xiu watched Eben leave. Nicky slid the needle into Xiu’s arm.

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The dragon came and wrapped him in warm silk and swans’ down. Xiu let his eyes drift closed. He slipped into another dream. He and Eben were in a place far away, where Uncle Lao and Nicky and the Kuo brothers could not find them. They sat facing each other in the middle of a big bed. The smell of sweet buns filled the room. Eben ran his hands, miraculously healed, up and down Xiu’s arms, his touch as light as a spring breeze. A warm rush flooded Xiu’s body from the tips of his toes to the top of his head. Eben leaned forward, his face flushed, his blue eyes lidded with desire. Their lips touched, and a shivery tingle coursed through Xiu’s veins. He straddled Eben’s lap. Both of them were hard. Eben’s cock was big, but it didn’t frighten Xiu. He knew Eben would never hurt him. He pulled Eben’s sweatshirt off and explored the broad, muscular expanse of Eben’s chest. How wonderful, to be allowed just to touch. He ran his fingers through the soft mat of red curls that covered Eben’s pecs. Eben’s chest rose as he took a deep breath. “Shoe.” His voice rumbled and made Xiu’s palms tingle. Xiu looked up, and their lips met again. Eben’s mouth was soft and warm. He opened to let Xiu slip his tongue inside. He tasted like sweet bun. Their mouths melded together, and their tongues did a dance of give and take. Xiu’s cock pulsed. It strained at the seam of his pants. Xiu took one of Eben’s hands and pressed it to his hard length. He watched, mesmerized, as Eben stroked up and down. Eben looked up to meet Xiu’s gaze. He blushed bright pink. “You…” The word came out on a gust of sweet breath and seemed to hang between them. “Yes.” Xiu answered the unspoken question. Eben slapped him in the face. “Hey, Sleeping Beauty. Wake up. Nobody wants to fuck a corpse.” Xiu forced his eyes open. Nicky leaned over him, hand raised to strike again.

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“S-sorry.” Xiu pushed himself up to a sitting position. He felt like he was moving through warm jelly. He shook himself to clear his mind of that stupid dream. He still had a hard-on, but that was just the dope. “Yeah, not half as sorry as you’re gonna be you don’t turn out to be worth what I paid for you. I been looking to expand the escort side of my business, and this Uncle Lao of yours assures me you’re a grade-A cocksucker. That true?” The last hour with Eben evaporated like the dream it was, leaving Xiu right where he always wound up, trapped between pride and survival. As usual, survival won. “Yes, sir.” Nicky nodded, looking him up and down. He’d pulled the bedspread away. “Well you’re cute enough. Hell, I’m straight, and I’d do you. Come to it, a mouth’s a mouth, right? I think it’s time to sample what I bought.” Xiu was so high his head was floating up around the ceiling. It made it hard to follow Nicky’s words. They were all in English. But he recognized well enough what it meant when Nicky unbuttoned his trousers and pulled his zipper down. Everything Xiu had learned over the last two years came back to him—what to do, how to act, what to say. He crawled across the bed toward Nicky on all fours, his back arched. “I suck you good.” “So far, kid, I like your vocabulary. ‘Sorry, yes sir, I suck you good.’ They raise whores right over there in Hong Kong, I guess.” Nicky pulled out his cock.

*** When Eben got to the garage, Jimmy Dempsey was waiting for the elevator. “Hello Ebenezer.” “Fuck you, Jimmy.” “In your dreams, kiddo.” Jimmy said shit like that to fuck with Eben, but he didn’t know the truth. Everybody thought Eben was straight. Eben flipped Jimmy off.

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But Jimmy’s smug smile seemed to linger after the elevator doors closed. It wrapped itself around Eben’s soul like an eel. Eben hated Jimmy. There were a lot of things a person had to do in life that maybe they didn’t want to do. Lord knew Eben had done plenty he wasn’t proud of. But smacking women around? And Jimmy didn’t seem to mind. Nicky had explained, many times, why a person like Jimmy Dempsey was necessary to his business, but Eben couldn’t ever seem to keep the reasons straight in his head. All he knew was that being around Jimmy gave him the creeps. Jimmy’s Lincoln Town Car was parked behind Eben’s car, taking up two spaces. Asshole. Eben got behind the wheel and backed up, not being particularly careful. He scraped his bumper against the nose of the Lincoln. He hoped it left a scratch. What the hell was Jimmy doing here this time of day anyway? Nicky’s escort service didn’t usually start hopping until a lot later. Only time Jimmy got up this early was if there was a new girl coming in. Oh. Fuck. Everything that had happened over the last two hours suddenly fit together like a key sliding into the lock on Pandora’s box. He was an idiot. Shoe wasn’t an exchange student, and that was no medicine Nicky had given him. That long flight. No wonder he’d gotten sick. The memory of Shoe crying in the car tore Eben’s heart to bloody shreds. He doesn’t want to be here. With no clear notion of what he’d do when he got there, Eben parked the car again and headed back up to Nicky’s.

*** Xiu knelt at the edge of the bed and took Nicky’s cock in his hand like he owned it. Some guys liked eye contact, but Xiu could already tell Nicky wasn’t one of them. He focused his gaze on Nicky’s shoulder instead, giving the boss a good look at his pretty face while he went to work with sure, steady strokes. Nicky closed his eyes and leaned back. He cocked his hips forward a little.

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Xiu knew a hint when he saw one. He ghosted his breath over the taut flesh of Nicky’s cock. He breathed in the scent of aroused male. The combination of musk and heroin filled him with a high, fine sense of euphoria. Like those stratus clouds you sometimes see on clear summer afternoons. That bright blue and the white. Eternity. Fuck, he was high. And he had a hard-on that could crack glass. Dope and cock always did that to him. Most days, it was enough to get him out of bed in the morning. It was certainly lifting his spirits now. This guy might not be too bad, especially if Xiu could make him happy. Xiu lowered his mouth over Nicky’s cock. He sealed his lips around the bottom of the head and flicked his tongue over the sweet spot. Nicky hissed. Xiu suppressed his smile. He dipped down to take Nicky to the root in one smooth, even glide. He had this stroke down to a science. It was timed for just as long as he could hold his breath. Nicky gasped. Xiu continued to work his cock like he was trying to suck a ten-carat diamond out of it. “Mmm.” Nicky dug his hands into Xiu’s hair. Xiu ran his tongue up the underside of the heated flesh. “Hey, you’re pretty good.” Xiu didn’t need Nicky to tell him that. He swirled his tongue around the tip and sank down for another swallow. “Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!” “Well, now I seen it all.” The voice came from the doorway. Xiu couldn’t see who was speaking, but he knew it wasn’t Eben. Was he disappointed about that, or glad? What a weird question. He didn’t give a fuck, obviously. “Looky what we got, Jimmy.” Nicky gripped Xiu’s head tighter and thrust harder. Xiu did not choke. “Didn’t take you for a switch-hitter, chief,” said Jimmy.

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“Fuck off. Just sampling the merchandise. ’Sides, look at him.” Nicky yanked Xiu up by the hair, pulling him off his cock and twisting his head so Jimmy could see his face. “He’s practically a girl.” A tall, lean man with gray stubble and a cowboy hat whistled. “See what you mean.” He had a long thin face and a long thin nose. His eyes were dark, and they took Xiu in like he was part of the furnishings. “So, he worth what we pay for him?” “Find out for yourself. A hole’s a hole—ain’t that what you always say?” “I do. How’s his ass?” “You tell me,” said Nicky. A three-way. Xiu’s cock pulsed. Adrenaline fought its way through the heroin in his system and lent a skittery, heart-racing edge to his high. He loved a cock up his ass and another down his throat. All that heat filling him. And he couldn’t control two of them. It was dangerous. Exciting. “Do me,” he said. “I want it.” “Wow,” said Jimmy, sauntering toward the bed. “He means it too. Look, he’s hard. He’s a freak.” That’s right. Nicky pushed Xiu down onto his cock again. “Did we get our money’s worth—that answer your question?” A low chuckle and the sound of a zipper. “Not yet. Got a safe?” “Bedside drawer. Lube too.” The bed dipped as Jimmy climbed on. He unfastened Xiu’s shorts and yanked them down, taking his underwear along with them. Xiu sucked and reached up to cup Nicky’s balls. He rolled them between his fingers. Jimmy dug into Xiu’s ass cheeks, prying them apart and spreading something cold and slick over Xiu’s hole. Yes. Xiu arched his back in invitation. He pressed a finger to Nicky’s taint—a straight boy’s finger job, close enough to his ass to really get him going but far enough away to keep him from freaking out.

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Nicky gave an inarticulate yell. Jimmy pushed his cock into Xiu’s ass. His hard length stretched Xiu and filled him. “Tight.” “Yeah?” Panting, Nicky gripped Xiu’s head and bucked up with his hips, shoving his cock even deeper. Xiu held his breath and swallowed, milking Nicky’s cock with his throat. Jimmy held Xiu by the hips and fucked him hard. Xiu’s heart raced. He pushed back against Jimmy, working through the pain to the heavy pleasure that awaited. Jimmy fucked him with fast, deep thrusts and long, slow withdrawals. He nailed Xiu’s prostate on every stroke, sending sparks shooting through Xiu’s whole body. Nicky kept pistoning into Xiu’s throat. Xiu had to concentrate to get a breath, but he didn’t care. The lack of oxygen only made every sensation brighter, sharper. He could feel every hair on his body, every breath of air across his skin. His cock was so hard it bounced against his belly, spattering little drops of precum on his skin. Jimmy pounded into Xiu’s ass, harder, faster. His breath came out in gasps, puffing warm air over Xiu’s back. Every inch of Xiu’s body felt alive, vibrating with delight. The cock down his throat and the one up his ass made him feel so full, like he could spill at any moment. Sweet, sticky honey collected in a ball in the pit of his stomach. His sac tightened. Nicky yelled again, plastering Xiu’s face to his belly. He spurted seed down Xiu’s throat. Xiu released Nicky’s balls and reached down to stroke himself. Jimmy slammed into Xiu, hips jerking. He gave two low grunts and went still. Xiu thumbed the base of his own cockhead and let the tight ball of honey in his belly loose. It flowed up and out, pouring gooey sugar out of his cock and flooding his body with sweet satiety. All three of them took a deep breath and sighed.

***

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Eben stood in the doorway of the guest bedroom, frozen by what he saw. Shoe knelt on the bed, taking Nicky’s cock down his throat while Jimmy fucked him from behind. Shoe was hard too. He was beating himself off. The worst part was that if it weren’t his own fucking brother and fucking Jimmy, Eben would be jerking off to the image the first chance he got. The three of them came within moments of one another. Eben stared, transfixed, at Shoe’s upturned face, his closed eyes, his open mouth. That smile. Eben got hard. He couldn’t help it. Shoe was so beautiful and looked so happy. Jimmy smacked Shoe on the ass and said, “All right. We got our money’s worth.” Shoe bent his head and smiled the way he had when Eben asked if he was old enough to drink coffee. “You gentlemen keep me supplied with cock and dope, and I will make you a lot of money.” Eben’s erection wilted. Shoe looked past Nicky and Jimmy. His eyes locked on Eben. For a moment, his smug smile wavered, and his eyes got the same look they’d had when Eben had helped clean him up after he got sick. The next second that look was gone, and he was the confident professional once again. He winked at Eben and blew him a kiss. The other two didn’t seem to notice. Eben got the hell out of there before they did. He drove straight to Cricket’s place, and this time, he wrapped his hands.

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Chapter Four Trick Question

The look on Eben Flannery’s face sent Xiu plummeting from a perfectly good high. Motherfucker. What was he doing there anyway? Spying? Maybe he liked to watch. Xiu gave him a wink and blew him a kiss. Eben’s expression went from shock to desolation, and he fled. So what? But Eben’s face haunted Xiu all the way down the hallway as Jimmy escorted him to the elevators. He had to focus to follow what Jimmy told him. “We have several suites for the girls. I’ll put you in Rhonda’s, but you’ll have your own bedroom, ’cause you’re a guy, and I don’t feel like listening to her bitch about having to share with you. You don’t bring clients to your room, though. You understand?” “Yes, sir.” “I’ll give you a key card for the room you’ll use for in calls. I’ll drive you to out calls, at least until you prove that you can be trusted to handle your own transactions. Got that?” “Yes, sir.” “For now the client pays me, not you. I’ll buy your shit for you, your clothes, all that.” The elevator doors opened, and they got in. “You act right, then we can switch so I’ll just collect five Gs from you weekly. Anything above and beyond that, you get to keep. And then you can buy your own shit. How long you been shooting dope?” “Two years, sir.” Jimmy eyed him up and down. “You’re holding up okay so far, I guess.” Xiu didn’t say anything.

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The doors closed. Quick as lightning, Jimmy pinned Xiu to the wall and slammed a fist into his gut. Red agony ripped through Xiu. He doubled over, coughing. It was a good thing he’d thrown up earlier. Jimmy grabbed him by the shoulders and forced him upright again. He hit him again in the same spot. Xiu fought for breath. “That’s just a little taste of what you’ll get if you step out of line.” Jimmy’s breath blew hot in Xiu’s ear. He stood back and released Xiu. Xiu had to grab on to the handrail to keep from sliding to the floor. He managed a breath. He straightened. “I ain’t running no halfway house for junkies. You keep your habit under control, or I’ll beat you so bad, you’ll never stand up straight again. Same for lipping back to clients, stealing, trying to run away, anything. We clear?” Xiu looked up into Jimmy’s face. “Yes. We’re clear.” “That’s good.” The elevator came to a stop, and the doors opened. “I’ll introduce you to the girls.”

*** Eben lay flat on his back in Nicky’s bed, naked as the day he was born. Shoe, equally naked, straddled his hips. Eben drank in the sight. Shoe’s beauty made Eben’s heart hurt and his cock ache. They both had erections. Eben’s nestled in the crack of Shoe’s ass. Shoe’s jutted up proudly, crowned with a perfect pearl of precum. Shoe arched his back and flexed his hips, rocking against Eben’s length. “I want you, Eben Flannery.” Those words, and the friction against Eben’s sensitive flesh, made tingles spread all through his body. He ran his hands up Shoe’s thighs to his hips. He circled his thumbs over

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Shoe’s hip bones and then stroked his palms up Shoe’s sides, marveling at the creamy texture of the skin. Shoe’s dark eyes held Eben’s gaze. His mouth was slightly parted, his lips glistening with moisture just like the tip of his cock. Eben grasped Shoe’s cock and stroked it. He watched Shoe’s eyes flutter closed. Knowing the effect he had on Shoe only made Eben hornier. His balls felt tight. His cock pulsed, and a familiar sweet ache gathered in his belly. “I want you too.” Shoe rose up on his knees and reached back, grasping Eben’s cock and guiding it to his crevice. “Then what are we waiting for?” The door flew open, and Nicky and Jimmy burst in. “You’re waiting for us!” said Nicky. They both stripped naked and jumped on the bed. Shoe winked at Eben and blew him a kiss. Eben awoke drenched in sweat, his cock aching and his mind in revolt. He threw off the covers, stalked into the bathroom, and turned on the shower. Fucking dreams.He got under the spray and soaped himself up. If only he could clean out the inside of his head as easily. His cock didn’t give a damn how that dream ended. It was hard as a hit man’s heart and demanding attention. He started to stroke himself, and within seconds, the memory of Shoe, back arched and mouth open, crying out as he came, reared up in his mind. Eben focused on that image and just that image—Shoe’s upturned face, his smile, his sigh. All of Eben’s pent-up desire collected in a tight knot in his belly. He rubbed his thumb against the cleft at the base of his cockhead. He remembered the touch of Shoe’s hand, those delicate fingers encircling his wrist and stroking his knuckles. The knot in his stomach twisted around itself and unraveled, loosing sweet pinpricks of light to dance through his body as cum shot from his cock. When it was over he leaned against the tile wall, spent, at least for the moment. Eben had dressed, had his coffee, and was watering his plants when his cell started singing “Irish Eyes.” “Hi, Nicky.”

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“Hey, I need you to pick up a package from Paul over at the Shillelagh and bring it over here.” “Okay. Right now?” “Yeah, right now. What do you think? I’m leaving in like half an hour, and I can’t be waiting around all day.” “Okay. Sure thing. See you soon.” “Wait, wait, wait. I forgot to wish you a happy birthday. Happy birthday, little bro.” That’s right. Eben had been so distracted he’d forgotten all about his twenty-first birthday. But Nicky remembered. “Thanks.” “You come out to Club Seven tonight. We’ll do it up right for your big day.” “Aw, I don’t know, Nicky. I don’t want no fuss.” He watered the coleanthus and moved on to the weeping fig. “No fuss? It’s your twenty-first fucking birthday, bitch. ’Course we’re gonna do it up.” Eben stifled his sigh. He knew what “doing it up” meant—girls and booze and Nicky in the center of it all, snorting a mountain of coke. “What the fuck is wrong with you, anyway? I’ve hardly seen you the past couple of weeks. You on some kind of marathon wank spree, or what?” Eben overwatered the ficus. “Eben? You there?” Water flowed over the rim of the pot, spilling onto Eben’s shoes, soaking his socks and the hems of his jeans. Shit. “Yeah. I’m here.” Nicky was joking. If only he knew. “Just get your ass to Club Seven tonight bro. Don’t make me worry about you. I got other stuff to think about, all right?” He was right. Eben was being selfish. “Okay. Sure.” “That’s my boy. I got a special surprise for you. You won’t be sorry.” Nicky hung up. Eben finished watering the plants and changed his wet clothes, pondering Nicky’s question. What was wrong with him? He’d never felt this way before. He’d been turned on by

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plenty of guys in his time, but he usually just went home, wanked off to the thought of doing them, and was done with it. Not this time. No matter how much he jerked off, he couldn’t get Shoe out of his mind. Particularly that moment when Shoe had noticed his split knuckles and, instead of being disgusted, had held Eben’s hand and offered sympathy. Every time he remembered those words, that touch, the look in Shoe’s eyes, Eben’s heart felt like it was pressing against his rib cage. It hurt, but it felt good at the same time. But then the memory of Shoe between Jimmy and Nicky would surface. That made Eben feel something else entirely. It made him want to rip Jimmy’s fucking head off. Nicky’s too. His own brother. What was wrong with him? He put the watering can away and grabbed his coat.

*** Xiu leaned back in the green velvet overstuffed armchair and spread his legs a little wider. Mr. Smith sucked him with long, steady strokes. He had a hand wrapped around the base of Xiu’s cock and a finger up Xiu’s ass. Xiu wore a filmy floral chiffon dress and a wide-brimmed straw hat. He looked like he should be at a tea party at an English country manor home, rubbing elbows with Agatha Christie and nibbling on scones. The outfit was embarrassing, but at least Mr. Smith—that wasn’t really his name, of course—was good at giving head. Good at it, and loved it. He moaned, stroked himself, and sucked Xiu harder, sending a jolt of pleasure sizzling up from Xiu’s balls all the way to the top of his head. Xiu’s scalp tingled, and he broke out in a fine sweat. Xiu closed his eyes, and like a movie starting up in a darkened theater, the image of Eben Flannery came into his mind. Eben knelt between Xiu’s legs, his lips sealed around Xiu’s shaft. He sucked Xiu with his eyes closed, his long, red eyelashes standing out against his pale cheeks. The vision made Xiu’s cock pulse. He fought for control. The thought of what Jimmy would do to him if he came too soon and disappointed Mr. Smith helped with that but could not banish Eben entirely from Xiu’s mind. No power on earth could. It was a mystery, but no matter

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how high he got or how many tricks he turned, he could not rid himself of the memory of Eben and their brief time together. He was beginning to think he didn’t want to. Xiu was already a hit in Boston, and he owed it to Eben Flannery. Every time he was with a client, he thought of Eben. What the client did to him, Eben did to him. And Xiu responded with the skills of a Parisian courtesan combined with all the pent-up horniness of a twenty-oneyear-old virgin. He didn’t know if he was on top of his game or hopelessly lost, but he was popular with clients, and Jimmy was happy. “Mmm! Mmm!” Mr. Smith’s tempo picked up. He bobbed up and down on Xiu’s cock, his hand a blur as he beat himself off. Xiu imagined Eben looking up at him, his blue eyes filled with lust. He pretended it was Eben’s index finger stroking him just so, Eben’s big hand wrapped around his cock, Eben’s tongue swirling around the head. The pleasure that had spread throughout his body during the blowjob concentrated in his belly. Hot jets of cum spurted over Xiu’s chiffon-draped calf, and the thought of Eben coming made the ball of need in Xiu’s belly tighten until it burst. He came, shooting into Mr. Smith’s mouth. Mr. Smith swallowed and sat back with a smile. “That’s good,” he said. He ran a hand over Xiu’s thigh, fingering the gauzy fabric of the dress. For a moment, he just sat there, and his gaze got faraway. Then he stood and reached for his pants, which were draped over a nearby straight backed chair. “You can go change now.” Xiu gave him a smile and padded off to the bathroom to put on his street clothes. By the time he was done, Jimmy had arrived. “How’d it go?” he asked Mr. Smith. “He’s very good. I’d recommend him to a friend.” “That’s what we like to hear.” Mr. Smith paid Jimmy. Jimmy peeled off a twenty and handed it to Xiu. “A bonus. Come on. Let’s go.” Jimmy took Xiu back to the Belmont. As they crossed the lobby, a tall, muscular figure with red hair stepped out of the elevator. Eben. Xiu’s stomach felt funny.

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“Ebenezer!” said Jimmy as they approached. The way he said it made the name sound like an insult. “Fuck you, Jimmy.” When Eben looked at Jimmy, there was none of the warmth Xiu remembered in those blue eyes. Then Eben spotted him, and his expression softened. “Oh. Hi Shoe.” Nobody at home bowed anymore; everyone shook hands just like Westerners. But these gwai lo didn’t know that. Xiu bowed. “Good afternoon, Mr. Flannery.” Formality helped mask his embarrassment. All he could think of now was the look on Eben’s face when he’d found Xiu with Jimmy and Nicky. And the way Xiu had acted then. Blowing him a kiss like that. Why had he done that? He knew Eben was a nice guy. He knew he’d be repulsed by such a gesture. Eben had been kind to him, and he’d repaid him by rubbing his nose in the fact that he’d bought treats and lent his jacket to a jìnǚ. But Xiu was being irrational. He was good at what he did. Proud of it. So why feel shame at all? It was all too confusing. Xiu forced himself to straighten and put on his serene smile. He noticed Eben’s hands had healed. That turned his smile into a real one. “You busy?” Jimmy asked Eben. “Depends.” “Well, you got time to run Schoolboy here up to Rhonda’s? I got someplace to be.” “Yeah, all right.” Jimmy left, and Xiu and Eben headed toward the elevators. Xiu searched for something to say but couldn’t think of anything. Once they got into the elevator, Eben turned to Xiu. “Is Jimmy treating you okay?” The question took Xiu completely off guard. He scrambled for an answer and gave the only one possible. “Yes.” Eben looked at him closely. “Are you sure? You can tell me. I won’t get you in trouble.” Xiu gripped the handrail. Apart from that one time, Jimmy hadn’t laid a hand on him, and Xiu had given him no reason to. “Yes. I’m sure. Thank you for asking.”

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Eben nodded, still staring at Xiu. That look, it was intense. It burned away the memory of Eben’s horrorstruck expression, at least for now. “If you have any problems, you tell me, okay? You can ask Rhonda. I won’t rat you out.” Oh interesting. “Okay. That’s very kind of you. I will.” Except he wouldn’t. Not unless he was really desperate, and he didn’t plan on letting that happen. So far, he was fitting into the Flannery organization smoothly. Getting involved in some kind of in-fight between Eben and Jimmy was the last thing he wanted to do. All the same, he wished he could take that look of concern Eben gave him and bottle it for the bad nights. “I’m sorry about the mix-up that day I picked you up. I should have understood what was going on. I’m not too bright sometimes.” “That’s okay. I should have just told you the truth. I honestly don’t know why I didn’t.” “Oh well, it’s none of my business. Anyway, you seem to be feeling better now?” “I am. Thank you. Your hands look better.” “They are. Thanks.” The elevator dinged, and the doors opened. Eben took Xiu to the suite, and Xiu opened the door. “You want to come in?” he asked, then cursed himself. What am I doing? “I can make some tea.” Shut up! Eben wrinkled his nose. “Tea? Uh. No thanks. I gotta go anyway. I got things to do. Um. But it was nice to see you again. I’m glad—I’m—I mean, I hope things go okay for you.” Xiu got that funny feeling in his stomach again. He hadn’t had any breakfast. He needed a cup of tea and a cookie. “Thank you. You’re very kind.” He wanted to say he was sorry for what he’d done, blowing Eben that kiss, but he couldn’t bring himself to form the words. “Well, okay then.” “Yes. Okay. Good afternoon.” Xiu went in and closed the door. He leaned against it, pressing his cheek against the smooth wood surface.

***

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Eben stood outside the door a moment, resting his palm against the polished wood surface for no reason he could think of. Before anyone could come along and catch him acting weird, he left.

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Chapter Five Birthday Boy

It was Saturday night, and Club 7 was packed with people in fancy clothes, dancing, partying, and shouting at one another over the pounding music. This was so not Eben’s scene. But Nicky loved it here. Eben waded through the crowd of girls in skimpy dresses and guys in expensive suits. The mingled scents of cologne, perfume, and alcohol made his head swim. Finally Eben made it to the roped-off VIP section where Nicky held court. His brother sat on a leather couch with Jimmy and Paul Shawnessy. Rhonda, Tabitha, Goldy, and Chevonne were all over them. Paul looked uncomfortable, but Nicky and Jimmy were enjoying themselves, feeling the girls up and sipping champagne. “And here’s the guest of honor!” said Nicky, spotting Eben. He rose, holding a bottle of champagne aloft. “What took you so long? Come on. Let’s get this party started!” Nicky drew Eben over to the couch. “Everybody, my little brother is twenty-one today.” A cheer went up. Over by the VIP bar sat Bill William, Big Pete, and Sean Hoolihan. Their wives were there too, clustered around someone dressed in a tuxedo that Eben couldn’t quite make out. Until Brenda Hoolihan bent to pick up her purse. Shoe looked right at Eben. Their gazes locked. All of Eben’s breath left him at once. Shoe wore a black tuxedo that skimmed the lines of his slender frame perfectly. His hair was neatly combed, glossy in the dim light of the club. He held a glass of champagne in one hand.

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He looked like James Bond. “Here you go, bro.” Nicky handed Eben a glass of champagne. Shoe lifted his glass to him and drank. Eben downed his in one long gulp. “That’s my boy!” said Nicky, pulling Eben down onto the couch. Eben lost sight of Shoe in the crowd. Just as well. His face was burning. At least he had the alcohol to blame it on. “Got a special night planned for you, little bro,” said Nicky. Over his shoulder Jimmy grinned. Eben suppressed a shudder. Special usually meant fucking. “You shouldn’t go to no trouble for me.” Rhonda, looking glamorous with her blonde hair swept up and a red minidress clinging to her curves, leaned over, pressing her breasts against his arm as she whispered in his ear. “Don’t worry, baby. Me and the girls got your back.” She sat back, patting him on the cheek. Eben relaxed. Rhonda knew about him. She’d put two and two together a long time ago, but she never blew his cover. In fact, she made sure all the girls covered for him too. They even spread stories about him. The kinds of stories guys wanted girls to tell about them: how big he was, how he fucked like a machine. As long as Rhonda was in on whatever big surprise Nicky had planned, Eben didn’t have to worry. “You want another drink, baby?” asked Rhonda, standing up. “Can I have a beer?” Nicky laughed and wrapped an arm around Eben’s neck. He pulled him close and ran his knuckles over Eben’s skull. But not hard. He was just playing. “That’s what I love about this guy. We got thousand-dollar magnums of Cristal for his birthday, and he wants a beer.” Nicky released Eben and leaned over the coffee table, where a mirror with lines of blow sat. He picked up the mirror, did a line, and handed it to Jimmy. “Anyway, Paul, I’ll fill you in on the rest when I have more specifics, in a week or two. But get ready. This thing is going to be big.”

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“Okay. Yeah.” Paul glanced around at all the expensive clothes, the lush surroundings. “Now unless there’s something else you need to talk about tonight, I’ll be going.” “What? It’s Eben’s birthday.” Paul nodded. “Happy Birthday, Eben.” “Thanks, Paul.” Eben didn’t mind Paul much. He was older. He’d been Da’s advisor, and he’d kept the Flannery family operating until Nicky came of age. No fuss about handing over the reins at that point either. ’Course anyone could see Nicky was born to take over the family business. Paul was a smart guy, and no meaner than he had to be. But that didn’t mean he was immune to pissing Nicky off. “What the fuck? You disrespecting my brother’s birthday?” A dangerous edge came into Nicky’s voice. Paul raised his hands. “Not at all. I have the utmost respect for your brother, his birthday, and for you. But”—Paul gestured to Tabitha and Goldy, who were making out while a bunch of the guys watched, and to Jimmy, who’d brought the blow to the bar and was sharing it with Bill, Pete, and Sean—“I’m old-school. This ain’t my scene. In your da’s day, we met at the Shillelagh, and it was either business or serious drinking. Never both. And not all of this other stuff. The drugs, the girls. Throwing your money around like some kinda rap star.” “You object to the girls?” said Nicky. “What, you a fag or something?” “I’m gonna let that pass ’cause I know you don’t mean it. But that’s another thing. This new whore you brung over. It’s a dude. What are folks gonna say?” “What are folks gonna say? They’re gonna say, ‘Look at all that money Nicky Flannery’s making off the fags. He’s one smart motherfucker.’ That’s what they’re gonna say.” Paul shook his head. “Trouble with you old-timers is you’re stuck in the past. This is the twenty-first fucking century. You want a make a killing these days, you gotta think outside the box. Get it? Think outside the box?” Everyone laughed, including Paul. “‘Sides, the ladies like him too. Check it out.” Nicky nodded to where Brenda, Sally, and Colleen hovered around Shoe like honeybees. Brenda had a hand on his shoulder. Sally tossed her hair. “They’re nuts about him.”

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“But he’s a queer.” “Yeah. Go figure. Chicks are weird.” Rhonda came back with Eben’s beer, and someone brought out a cake. Paul stuck around to eat a slice, then departed. By then Nicky was too busy sticking his face in Tabitha’s cleavage to notice. Eben drank beers and tried not to get caught staring at Shoe. He was on his sixth Heineken and slowly sinking ever deeper into the couch when “Happy Birthday” started playing. Everyone gathered around. “Time for your birthday present, little bro.” Nicky placed a box wrapped in gold paper on the table in front of him. Eben heaved himself upright. “You got me a present? That sure was nice of you.” “Open it. Open it,” said Nicky. The box was heavy. Eben peeled off the paper to reveal a stainless-steel case. As he put it down on the coffee table, the weight of it seemed to settle on his heart. He knew what came in cases like this. He unfastened the latches and opened it to reveal a chrome-plated 10mm GLOCK automatic. Its polished surface gleamed in the soft light of the club. “Wow.” Bill whistled. “That’s a beautiful piece.” “Time my little brother had one of his own.” Nicky hugged him. Shit. Eben forced a smile and hugged him back. “What a wonderful birthday present. Thanks!” He didn’t want it. Didn’t even want to pick it up, but he had to. Everyone was watching. Eben lifted the gun out of its case and hefted it. He checked the action and held it out as if to shoot with it. Can I put it back in its case now? He turned back to Nicky, trying to look delighted. Thank the Holy Mother of God I’m drunk. “Wait, there’s more,” said Nicky. Fuck. What now? Another box wrapped in gold foil appeared before Eben, which at least gave him an excuse to put the gun back in its case. He opened box number two to find a shoulder holster. “Awesome.” “Try it on, try it on,” said Nicky, bouncing up and down like a kid on Christmas morning.

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Eben hoisted himself up off the couch, swayed a little, and then slid the holster on over his shirt. Rhonda helped him adjust the straps. Nicky took the gun from the case, snapped the cartridge in place, and slid it into the holster. It bulged under Eben’s arm like a tumor. “You should see yourself,” said Nicky. “You look totally badass.” Eben scanned the gathering. Everyone was smiling and nodding in approval. It’s already decided. This is who I am. But then he caught sight of Shoe, over by the bar. Shoe tilted his head and gave him a crooked smile and a little shrug. Of everyone there, it seemed like he alone understood how Eben really felt, though of course, there was nothing to be done about it. Someone handed Eben another glass of champagne, and he downed it. Suddenly the music got louder. All the girls clustered around him. “Time for your birthday lap dance, Eben,” said Nicky. Rhonda winked at him as she pushed him back down onto the couch. Eben was very aware of the loaded gun nestled at his side as the girls writhed all over him. At least he was safe in the knowledge that none of them would mention it was the only thing that was hard. He sank deeper into the cushions of the couch. Eventually the girls finished, and everybody was clapping and laughing. Then suddenly the crowd parted, and Shoe stood before Eben. He swayed ever so slightly, and his cheeks were pink, but he carried himself like he owned the place, and Eben too. How much had he been drinking? He undid his tie and fixed Eben with a smoldering look. “Happy Birthday to you.” Somewhere behind him Eben heard Nicky laughing, louder than ever. Everyone else joined in. Big joke. Shoe threw his tie in Eben’s face. He peeled off his black tuxedo jacket. He started unbuttoning the shirt beneath. Eben tried to keep from getting hard. It was impossible, even with Nicky and everyone else standing around watching and giggling. “Happy Birthday to you.” Shoe took off his shirt and tossed it in Eben’s lap. Thank Jesus.

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Shoe climbed onto Eben’s lap, straddling his thighs. He rested his hands on Eben’s shoulders and swayed from side to side. “Happy Birthday, Eben Flannery.” Smells of champagne, cologne, and sweat wafted over Eben. He felt dizzy—probably all the blood rushing to his cock. “Hey, Nicky, you gonna let this go on?” said Sean. “Eben’s too drunk to stop him.” “I’d do something about it, but I can’t stop laughing.” Laughter surrounded Eben and Shoe like a shield. They stared at each other as Shoe gyrated on Eben’s lap. Eben could see the outline of Shoe’s erection. Eben’s own cock felt like it was made of steel. Shoe leaned closer, his breath warm on Eben’s face. “Happy Birthday to you.” He ran a hand down Eben’s chest, toward his jeans. Eben opened his mouth—to say “stop,” “more,” or to kiss Shoe, he wasn’t certain which. Suddenly a hand clamped down on Shoe’s shoulder. “Okay, Schoolboy, enough. You’ve had your fun. You’ve got a date tonight, remember?” It was Jimmy. The invisible shield surrounding Eben and Shoe dissolved. The laughter of the rest of the party seemed louder than it had been a moment ago. It crashed in upon them like ice water, dousing Eben’s arousal. Shoe seemed to wilt under Jimmy’s hand. Shoulders slumped, he got up off Eben’s lap, taking his shirt with him. Rhonda took Shoe’s place, straddling Eben’s thighs. She grabbed his hands and pressed them to her breasts. “Here, honey, I got what you’re looking for.” Eben’s smile was one of gratitude, not excitement, but nobody else had to know that. Over Rhonda’s shoulder, he watched Shoe walk away with Jimmy. Jimmy kept his hand on Shoe’s shoulder, pushing him toward the door. Just as they reached the red velvet rope that marked off the VIP section, Shoe looked over his shoulder at Eben. Eben couldn’t decipher the look on Shoe’s face in that moment, but it haunted him for the rest of the night.

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*** “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” Rhonda stood in the short hallway that led to the living room of the suite Xiu shared with her. She’d changed from her party clothes into an old terry-cloth robe. Xiu, weary and sore from his “date,” shut the door behind him and shouldered past her. All he wanted to do was go back to his room and get high again. But Rhonda caught his arm as he went past her. “I asked you a question.” “And I ignored it. I don’t know what you’re talking about.” But that was a lie. He knew exactly what this was about. “You gave Eben a lap dance.” Xiu wrenched his arm free from her. “So what?” “So what is your game? Why would you do something so reckless?” He’d been asking himself that last question the whole time Mr. Jones fucked him. And Mr. Jones took his own sweet time. “I don’t know. I guess I was just high, and it seemed like a good idea.” Rhonda shoved him, and he stumbled backward against the wall. “You keep your junkie hands off him.” Xiu laughed. “Why? You jealous? I hate to break this to you, but you don’t stand a chance with him.” “And you think you do?” Xiu restrained the impulse to answer in anger again. He had to get control of himself. He knew how Eben had responded to having a man in his lap, but did Rhonda? She was right—the lap dance had been reckless in the extreme, and he didn’t like to think about all the various ways it could have gone wrong. He didn’t want to make things worse for Eben now. “No, but maybe I wish I did. The truth is he’s too good for either of us.” Rhonda took a step back and sighed. “Now that’s the first sense you’ve made all night.” Xiu folded his arms and waited to see if she had anything else to add.

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Sure enough, she did. “Let me tell you something about Eben Flannery. People think he’s stupid, but he’s not. He’s just too goddamn good for this world, is what it is. I think somehow, Nicky got born without a soul, and when Eben came along, he got a double portion. You know what he did once?” “What?” Rhonda drew her robe closer around her and glanced at the door, like she was expecting someone to come in. “We were young. He wasn’t more than fifteen, and I was twenty. This was just when Nicky was coming into his own, and things were kinda rocky in those days. Not so organized as like now. Anyway, there was this john, and I didn’t like him. But he liked me, and he kept coming back for more, and every time he did, it was worse. I told Jimmy what was going on, but he was new too. He still didn’t understand the business side of not letting a customer get away with whatever. “So this one time—and this was when we operated out of Ma Flannery’s old place on Fifth and E—I was in there with this guy, and he was beating the shit out of me. I thought he was gonna kill me. I was screaming. Eben happened to be walking by, and he heard me.” She leaned forward. “Nobody else was in the house. Motherfucker had the door locked. Eben broke it down. He broke down the fucking door, and he beat that guy to within an inch of his life. He told him if he ever tried to touch me again, he’d kill him. I never saw that bastard again.” She glanced to the side and shuddered, then seemed to collect herself and return to the here and now. “And I’ll tell you what else. Most guys would take advantage of a situation like that, and I’d have been happy to do whatever Eben wanted, but he never wanted payback. He said he was just sorry I got hurt and that if anything like that ever happened again, I should tell him, and he’d take care of it, even if Jimmy wouldn’t. That’s it. Just as if that’s what you do.” Xiu could think of another reason why Eben didn’t want payback from Rhonda, but he didn’t mention it. “I can see why you want to protect him.” “Damn right I do.” Xiu remembered Rhonda hanging all over Eben all night, and how she’d climbed right on him after Jimmy pulled Xiu away. At the time he’d been annoyed with her for not understanding that Eben didn’t want her. Maybe he’d been a little jealous too, but now he saw the situation from another angle. “And you do protect him, don’t you?”

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Rhonda’s face went hard. “What do you mean?” “Nicky might be open-minded enough to pimp a gay hustler, but if he knew his own brother was gay—” “Eben’s not gay. You’re doing too much dope and letting your own wishful thinking carry you away. Haven’t you heard me and the other girls talk about him? He’s a machine. He—” “I’ve heard the stories you tell. But they’re just stories. You pretend they’re true, to protect him.” Her nostrils flared. “Bullshit. He—” “I’m a whore too, Rhonda. I know when someone wants me.” She stared at him and said nothing. “But don’t worry. I have my own reasons to be grateful to Eben Flannery and to protect him as best I can.” Rhonda glared so hard her face shook. Finally she blew out a breath and sank back against the wall. “You sure have a fucked-up way of showing it.” “You’re right. I shouldn’t have done it.” Much as he hated to admit it, he owed her a better explanation than that. And he owed it to Eben to be honest with himself. “It just seemed like there was nothing at that party that was really for him. It was all about what Nicky wanted and what he wanted Eben to be. I just wanted Eben to have something for his birthday that he’d actually enjoy.” Rhonda’s face softened. “It was stupid and reckless.” “Yes. And it won’t happen again.” “It had better not.” She crossed the distance between them and braced one hand on the wall behind Xiu’s head, her face inches from his. “Because if it does or if you endanger Eben in any way, I will stab you in the balls and make you eat your own dick. You got me?” “I do.” She straightened, drew her robe around her neck as if it were her royal cape, and stalked away. “Good night then.”

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Xiu couldn’t help but smile. He might not like Rhonda much, but was glad Eben had a friend like that. “Good night.”

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Chapter Six Animal Heroes

Over the next couple of weeks, Eben stayed in as much as possible, reading manga or watching Animal Heroes on Pet Channel while the chrome-plated GLOCK sat in its case in the bottom of his underwear drawer. The less he was around the Belmont, the less chance of having to explain to Nicky why he wasn’t wearing it. Or of running into Shoe and demonstrating to the world that he was queerer than a three-dollar bill. That had been way too close, that dance. Why in the hell hadn’t he pushed Shoe off? Probably the same reason he couldn’t stop from indulging in one Shoe-centered fantasy after another until he was surprised not to have a callus on his palm. The phone burst into its tinny rendition of “Irish Eyes,” breaking Eben out of the one where he and Shoe were snowbound in a little cabin way up in Maine. He’d just gotten to the part where Shoe stretched out naked on the bear-skin rug before a roaring fire. With a groan, Eben stuffed his swollen cock back in his pants and fumbled for the phone. “There’s an O’Malley selling in Andrew Square,” said Nicky. “That’s our territory.” “No shit, dumbass. Why do you think I’m telling you? Go do something about it.” “Oh. Okay, Nicky. Sure thing.” Eben drove down to Andrew Square. He spotted the guy right away—Jack Parker, a lowlevel flunky for Mike O’Malley—sitting at the bus stop. But he wasn’t waiting for the bus. Eben parked a couple of blocks away. He took shelter in the doorway of an abandoned pizza parlor and waited until someone else came and sat down on the bench with Jack.

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While they were completing their transaction, Eben closed the distance. As the buyer departed, he slid onto the bench beside Jack. Jack saw him and tried to run. But Eben had anticipated that. He grabbed Jack’s wrist and jerked him back. Eben stood and hooked a foot around Jack’s ankle, twisted his arm behind his back, and shoved him down on the bench. Jack struggled. Eben pushed his arm up higher and planted a knee at the base of his spine. “This ain’t your neighborhood, Jack.” “I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” “Yeah? You so sorry, then why are you here?” Jack’s head was twisted to one side. He looked up at Eben with one panicky blue eye. “I told Mike it was a bad idea. Too soon. But he…he—Let me go, please.” Sweat beaded on Jack’s forehead. “You know I can’t just let you go. People would say the Flannerys can’t maintain their territory, and the next thing you know, I’m dealing with two or three piece of shit dope peddlers like you a week. I got better things to do. Now we can either come to terms here and now, you and me, or I can take you to see my brother, and you can sort it out with him. Which would you rather?” “No! Please. We can work it out, Eben. I don’t need to see Nicky. Please. You and me. What do you want?” “What I want is a chocolate chip cookie and a big cup of cold coffee, but what I need is all your money and your shit.” “All of it?” “All of it.” Eben watched Jack think over what was going to happen when Mike O’Malley found out he lost the dope and the money. But that wasn’t Eben’s problem. Jack had left himself open to this when he decided to start selling in Nicky’s territory. And if the move came at Mike’s behest, then let that be a lesson to both of them.

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Jack weighed Mike’s future anger against Eben’s current knee in his spine and opted for delayed retribution. “Okay.” “Where is it?” “Dope in the right jacket pocket, cash in the left.” Eben relieved him of his goods, his cash, and the piece he had tucked in the back of his jeans. The last thing he needed was a bullet in his back. He secured the stuff and then pulled Jack onto his side, still holding him in the arm lock. He punched him in the gut, and while Jack coughed and wheezed, Eben got right in his face. “Don’t you ever fucking think about working a Flannery corner again!” He punched him in the mouth. “I catch you in our territory, I won’t even bother Nicky about it.” Eben delivered a head butt to the bridge of his nose. “I’ll kill you myself.” Eben stood back. Jack lay on the bench, his face covered in blood. He was crying. “Fuck, fuck, fuck,” he mumbled. “This is your chance to leave,” said Eben. Jack pulled himself together and got gone. That ought to do it. At least when Mike caught him empty-handed, Jack’d be able to say he’d put up a fight. Eben drove back to Nicky’s to deliver the cash and the dope, but when he got there, Nicky wasn’t home. Eben called him, but he only got voice mail. Eben sighed. With his luck he’d get back to his place, and then Nicky would call, and he’d have to turn around again. Besides, he wasn’t supposed to carry over long distances or for any length of time. Just another one of Nicky’s ways of protecting him. Besides, what was waiting for him at home except his own thoughts, which he’d just as soon escape for a little while? He realized his conversation with Jack was the most extensive one he’d had in the last couple of weeks. That was crazy. He couldn’t hide forever. Is Rhonda home? It would be good just to chat with someone about nothing in particular, just be himself without worrying about what he might give away. Of course, Shoe lived there now too. But he tried not to think about that.

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*** Xiu had no clients until that night, so he stayed in bed dozing and drifting in and out of dreams. He was in the car with Eben again, only this time he wasn’t dope sick, and they weren’t driving to the Belmont. The road opened up before them, an arrow straight to the horizon, with rolling hills on either side and above them, a bright blue sky streaked with cirrus clouds. As if it were the most natural thing in the world, Xiu slid across the car seat and leaned against Eben. Eben put his arm around Xiu. And that was all. Xiu didn’t unzip Eben’s fly. He didn’t give Eben a blowjob or a handjob. Nothing. They just sat together, Xiu pressed to Eben’s side and Eben’s arm around Xiu’s shoulders while the miles rolled by beneath their wheels. He woke to the sound of someone knocking on the door.

*** The door to Suite 2301 opened, and Shoe stood there, wearing a pair of flannel pants with penguins on them and a faded Nike T-shirt. His hair was flattened on one side, and he had sleep lines impressed in one cheek. He blinked at Eben as if trying to focus. “Zou san. I mean, good morning.” “Hi.” For a moment they stared at each other in silence. Then Eben said, “Is Rhonda here?” “No. I’m sorry, she’s out.” “Oh.” “Do you want to come in?” “I caught you sleeping.” “That’s okay. Come in.” Shoe opened the door. “I need to wait for Nicky,” said Eben, walking past Shoe and into the living room. “I can just wait here, and you can finish your nap.” “That’s not necessary. I slept most of the day anyway.” Shoe rubbed his face. It was hard to put this person in a rumpled T-shirt and pj’s together with the sophisticated professional who’d executed a three-way with the two meanest guys Eben knew.

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Xiu wandered into the kitchen. “Want some tea?” “Tea?” Eben followed him. “You got any coffee?” Shoe looked around the kitchen. “Uh…” He spotted the coffeemaker as if discovering an ancient artifact. “I think Rhonda made some this morning, but…” He put his hand to the carafe and wrinkled his nose. “It’s cold.” “Perfect. You got any milk?” While Shoe checked the fridge, Eben started nosing around the cupboards. He found an open bag of Pepperidge Farm Sausalito chocolate chunk cookies. Score! Shoe handed Eben the milk, then got cups down from the cupboard and put a kettle of water on the stove to boil. Fifteen minutes later, they settled on the couch with their beverages and the bag of cookies. “Mmm. These are good,” said Eben around a mouthful of crumbs. Shoe smiled that smile that made his dimple appear. “I think so too.” They stared at each other in silence. Again. It seemed like some big thing—too big for words—lay between them, and all they could do was peer around it at each other. Eben glanced at the television. “Do you want to watch something?” Shoe stared at him for two breaths. “Like what?” “I don’t know. Vampire Huntress is on, or Animal Heroes on Pet Channel. I love that show.” Again that stare. Then Shoe raised his eyebrows. “Oh. You mean on TV. Watch something on TV.” Eben laughed. “Yeah.” “Okay. I thought maybe you meant—never mind.” Shoe gave him the sweetest smile Eben had ever seen. “Whatever you want to watch is fine with me.” Eben turned on Animal Heroes. A cockatiel had alerted its owner, an elderly man, to a gas leak and saved his life. They watched in silence, but not the uncomfortable kind this time.

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“This is nice,” said Shoe. “Yeah.” “It reminds me of when we first met, in the coffeehouse.” “Yeah.” Shoe set his tea down on the coffee table and turned sideways, so his back was to the arm of the couch. He sat cross-legged and bowed his head. “I wish to apologize.” “For what?” “For what I did at your birthday party.” “Oh.” Eben wanted to tell him that it had been his favorite part of the evening, but that would be admitting he was gay, and he’d never told anyone that. Rhonda had figured it out all on her own. What do I say? “I don’t want you to feel bad about that. You’re a very good dancer.” Pink tinged Shoe’s cheeks. “And you are very kind.” That’s not what Jack Parker would say… “Nah.” “You were really nice to me that day you picked me up at the airport. I never thanked you.” “Sure. It’s no big deal.” “Yes it is. You have no idea.” Eben didn’t know what to say to that. “It must be difficult to be in your line of work and be such a good man.” “I’m not.” Guilt made his words harsh. “Forgive me.” Shoe bent his head. “I don’t seem to know how to keep my place around you. I don’t know why.” His place? “You don’t have anything to be sorry for.” Eben couldn’t stand the dejection in the curve of Shoe’s neck. He sidled closer and put a hand on Shoe’s shoulder. Without thought, he squeezed and stroked it. Shoe leaned into Eben’s touch. He stared up at Eben, his eyes shining. “Rhonda won’t be back for another three hours. The other women are all out too. Big party.” “Okay.” Okay what?

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“Do you mind if I lean against you?” Eben wasn’t sure what he’d been expecting, but it wasn’t that. A sweet ache filled his chest. Without a word, he lifted his arm and gathered Shoe in. Shoe nestled up against his side, and Eben draped his arm over Shoe’s shoulders. The warmth of Shoe’s body lapped at him like water in a wading pool that’s been sitting out in the sun all day. On the television, a dramatic reenactment showed a shepherd mix carrying a baby to safety during a flood. Eben remembered being really little, when Ma and Da were still alive, and Da used to tuck him into bed at night. He’d had this toy, a stuffed animal—BunBun. Da would settle BunBun in the crook of Eben’s arm and draw the blanket up over both of them, and then he’d kiss both of them on their foreheads. What a weird thing to think of after all these years.

*** What did Xiu think he was doing? It was one thing to dream something like this, but to actually be sitting here, curled up beside the boss’s younger brother as if the two of them were…what? He didn’t even know. All he knew was that Eben felt so good. Warm and strong. His arm around Xiu’s shoulders felt like a shield. A word came to him, one he hadn’t thought of in a long time. Safe. But this was anything but safe. This was a drug. More addictive than dope and more deadly than that foolish lap dance. The boss’s younger brother. Xiu had to put a stop to this, for both their sakes. And he would. In a few minutes. He’d get up. He would. Just a few minutes more. Until the next commercial break.

*** Animal Heroes had ended, and they were watching Puppy Parade when Eben’s phone burst into song. “That’s Nicky,” he said, disengaging from Shoe and heaving himself up off the couch so he could dig the phone out of his pocket.

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Shoe scuttled to the far end of the couch, pulling the comforter around him as if Nicky were right there with them. Eben answered the phone. “Where the fuck you at?” “I’m at Rhonda’s. I was waiting for you.” “So you took care of the problem?” “Yep. You upstairs?” “Yeah, hurry your ass up here. I got things to do.” “I’ll be right up. Promise. Two minutes.” He hung up and turned to Shoe. “Well, I gotta go.” Eben didn’t want to go. “I know.” “This was nice.” Shoe got that smile again and nodded. “Maybe, uh…maybe I can stop by again sometime, and we can hang out.” Shoe gave him a funny look. At length he said, “This gig Rhonda and the others are at today is a weekly thing.” “Oh. Okay then.”

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Chapter Seven Surprise

Eben counted the hours until the next Tuesday rolled around and prayed that Nicky didn’t send him on some job and that Jimmy didn’t find some trick for Shoe. But they were lucky. Tuesday came, and Eben was free, and when he knocked on the door of 2301, Shoe answered. He wore skinny black jeans and a black T-shirt that was too small, even for him. It stretched over the sleek muscles of his chest and arms and left his belly button showing. But Shoe’s smile was just the same. That dimple had haunted Eben all week. “Hi.” “Hi, Shoe.” “Come in. Please sit down.” A bag of Sausalito chocolate chunk cookies sat on the coffee table. Eben sat and Xiu brought him a large mug of cold coffee with lots of milk. “Oh, wow. Thanks.” “You’re welcome.” Shoe poured himself a cup of tea and sat sideways on the couch, crosslegged, with his back against the arm. He held his cup in both hands. Eben took a long drink of the coffee. He could use it. He’d been out at the old farm, working on Cricket until five a.m. At least Eben didn’t have any doubts about Cricket deserving it. Not only had he been stealing from Nicky, he was a fucking coward who beat on his girlfriend.

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Eben had worn his gun last night because he knew Nicky would notice if he didn’t. But much as Cricket disgusted him, he’d still been relieved when Nicky told him to go home and sent Cricket to the silo with Paul. “How are you?” asked Shoe. “Okay. A little tired.” “Do you want to watch television? Or if you just want to relax, I can give you a back rub.” Eben frowned. Something was off. Shoe was acting different. Before, things had felt…natural. Awkward, maybe, what with the big invisible thing that defied words and all, but just the same, he’d felt like he could be himself. Like he didn’t have to put on a show or please anybody. Now Shoe seemed nervous. And all these questions. A back rub? “No, thanks. Let’s just watch TV.” He cast a glance at Shoe. What was going on? Shoe turned on the television, and they watched a cocker spaniel prevent an old lady from stepping out into traffic, a dolphin rescue a drowning child, and an Alaskan malamute cross the tundra to fetch a doctor. Somewhere in the middle of the rhesus monkey who rescued a kitten from a tree, Eben’s eyes started closing. He forced himself awake, but by the end of the segment, he felt himself drifting off again.

*** Poor Eben. He was so tired. Xiu could tell from the slope of his shoulders when he came in and the dark circles under his eyes. It was no surprise that he fell asleep. For a while, Xiu just watched him. It was a prime opportunity to study the planes and angles of his face, his body—to drink in everything about him. Just why he wanted to do that was a question he’d abandoned in the past week. The answer was obvious. Eben was a nice guy. And he liked Xiu—liked liked him, whether he was ready to admit that to himself or not.

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If Xiu could make Eben fall in love with him and abandon his brother, then the two of them could run away together, and Xiu could have a very nice life as the pampered boyfriend of a kind man who could beat bloody anybody who ever wanted to hurt Xiu. The fact that just thinking about Eben made Xiu smile and that being around Eben made him feel like he could be himself for the first time in two years had nothing to do with it. Those were just side benefits. This was about improving his situation in life. Obviously. So sitting here staring at Eben’s jutting chin, his broad brow, his upturned nose was not mooning. Not at all. He was studying his prey. Looking for the secret desires and hidden weaknesses he could use to get Eben to do what he wanted. And he didn’t feel bad about that either. Rhonda could kiss his ass. She’d do the same if she had half a chance. Now, he’d better make his move before Eben woke up and the surprise was ruined. He crept over to Eben’s sleeping form and unzipped the man’s fly.

*** In the throes of another of the many sexy dreams Eben had been having lately, he felt warm, wet suction surrounding his cock. Shoe was sucking him off. This was a new one. Usually, the dreams were more romantic. They lay side by side, stroking each other and kissing. Unless it was one of the bad ones where Nicky and Jimmy burst in on the middle of everything. This dream was different. It was definitely Shoe going down on him. The silky texture of his hair played across Eben’s fingertips. His delicate fingers stroked Eben’s balls and encircled the base of his shaft while his mouth—Jesus, Mary, and Joseph—his mouth caressed and sucked and licked Eben’s straining flesh. Ripples of warmth cascaded through Eben’s cock to his balls and out through his whole body. “Shoe.” Eben flexed his hips and stroked that silken hair. “Mmmmm.”

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The vibration of Shoe’s moan made Eben’s balls tingle and tighten. He was going to come. But he wanted to see Shoe’s face. He wanted to kiss him. “Shoe. Come here. Shoe.” He ran his fingers down the side of Shoe’s face and opened his eyes. Reality did a backflip and he found himself slumped on the couch in Rhonda’s suite, with Shoe kneeling between his legs, giving him the first blowjob of his life. Wait. What? Eben blinked and pushed himself upright. “Shoe!” “Mmmm!” “No!” Eben leaned forward and drew his hips back, pulling his aching cock from Shoe’s mouth. He put a restraining hand on Shoe’s shoulder. “Stop it!” Shoe stared up at him, lips wet and swollen. Anguish glistened in his dark eyes. “Why?” Shoe’s wounded expression was hard to look at, but Eben forced himself to anyway. Why? Eben searched for an answer. “B-because—I’m not—I don’t—I’m not like Jimmy!” “You’re nothing like him. That’s why I wanted to—I like you, Eben. I want to make you happy.” Eben tried to think of something to say and failed. “Didn’t you like it?” “I-I—Yeah, I did. I really did, but…” The hurt in Shoe’s face gave way to a sly smile. He flicked Eben’s raging hard-on with one finger, making it bounce. “I know you did.” He looked back up at Eben with the same expression he’d had when he’d blown him that kiss after the three-way. Like the cat that’s got the cream. “Are you going to try to tell me you don’t like boys? I know that’s not true. You like me. I’ve seen the way you look at me.” The words stabbed Eben through the heart. His hard-on deflated. Hurt? This guy’s not hurt. This is a game to him. Eben slid past Shoe and stood up, fastening his jeans with trembling fingers. “What are you trying to do? Is this some kind of blackmail thing?” Shoe, still on his knees beside the couch, gaped up at him. “What? Blackmail? No!” Eben’s heart hurt so bad it felt like it would spill out onto the floor in a bloody pulp. He crossed his arms. “Are you going to tell my brother?”

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Shoe furrowed his brow. “No!” “Then what are you doing?” “I just…I just…I just wanted to make you happy! You’ve been so kind to me, and I wanted to do something nice for you, so I…” Shoe burst into tears and pressed his face to the floor. “I’m so sorry.” Seeing Shoe on the ground like that, groveling, turned Eben’s stomach. “Get up.” His voice came out harsh. He took a breath. “Please. Don’t do that. Get up, okay?” He sat down again, drained. Shoe got himself under control and sat on the opposite side of the couch, staring at his knees. “You seriously aren’t trying to blackmail me?” Shoe shook his head. “It never even occurred to me.” “Well, now that the subject’s come up, are you going to?” Shoe stood and faced him. “Eben Flannery, I swear to you in my father’s name that I will never blackmail you.” He bowed. It was amazing how many different sides Shoe could display within a matter of minutes— vulnerable and hurting, sly and knowing, fearful and apologetic, serious and formal. The guy was a chameleon. That probably came in handy in his line of work. Eben had never really thought about it before, but the same was probably true for Rhonda and Goldy and the other girls too. So could he believe Shoe now? Or would Shoe go running to Nicky at the first opportunity? No, that made no sense. If he told Nicky Eben was queer, what good would it do him? None. Worse than that. Nicky would throw him out on the street, at the very least. And if he tried to use the threat of telling Nicky to gain leverage with Eben, Eben could simply point that out. “You can’t really use it against me. If I’m smart enough to know that, you are too.” Shoe bowed again. “If my oath upon my ancestors is insufficient, then rest assured that your logic is impeccable.”

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Eben swallowed. How was it that now he felt bad for not taking Shoe’s promise at face value? What reason did he have to trust him? This was all too confusing. He stood and grabbed his coat. “I gotta go.”

*** Xiu couldn’t have fucked things up more if he’d tried. He sat on the couch and stared at the door Eben had just left through, trying to sort through the mess he’d made. Why was it that everything he had worked so hard to learn over the last two years completely backfired when it came to Eben Flannery? He played the self-assured professional, and he wound up feeling like a cheap whore. It was hopeless. What made him think he could lure Eben away from his brother anyway? There was no way Eben would fall for Xiu’s little manipulations. Not when he had enough self-control to put a stop to a blowjob just as he was about to come. And why had he stopped Xiu, really? Because he didn’t want to admit he was gay? No. He hadn’t even tried to deny it. I’m not like Jimmy. That was it. Eben didn’t do it with whores. He was too pure and good for that. So why in the hell had he come around again? Just to sit on the couch and watch Animal Heroes and cuddle? The possibility that the answer was yes was a hairline fracture in the foundation of everything Xiu thought he knew about men. Suddenly the thought of using Eben’s good nature for his own gain made Xiu ill. He got up and went into his room and started getting ready for his next trick. He wondered if Eben would come back again next week and then berated himself. Forget it. Forget him. You have no time for foolish schemes and even more foolish wishes. You have nothing to offer a man like Eben and nothing to gain but more of this searing feeling in your heart. What is that anyway? It was a damn nuisance was what it was, especially when he had to pull himself together and be hot, hot, hot in another half an hour. Xiu put on his Brooks Brothers suit and reached for his cologne. Better for him and Eben both if they never saw each other again. The cologne stung

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his eyes, even though he hadn’t gotten it anywhere near them. They watered, and the skin around them got red and puffy. Taa maa dik! He threw the bottle against the wall.

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Chapter Eight For Better or Worse

Every day for the next week, Eben told himself he was not going to see Shoe again. There was no telling which Shoe he’d be getting if he did—the nice one or the operator. He couldn’t trust him. So why was he was standing outside 2301 again on Tuesday? It was as if his feet weren’t connected with his head. His hand either, apparently, since he raised it and knocked. He must be out of his mind. The door opened, and Shoe stood there. He wore the penguin pants again, with a longsleeved maroon Henley. His smile trembled at the corners, and his eyes were bright. “You came back.” Eben didn’t know what to say. “Come in, please.” Shoe held the door open. The television was already tuned to Pet Channel, and another bag of Sausalito cookies sat on the coffee table. “Please, sit.” Shoe disappeared into the kitchen and returned a moment later with a large mug of cold coffee with milk. “Thank you for coming.” Shoe had obviously gotten things ready for this visit. How had he known Eben would come back? One look at Shoe, holding out the mug of coffee like an offering, gave Eben his answer. He hadn’t. But he’d hoped. The realization gave Eben an uncomfortable, squirmy feeling in his stomach. He took the mug. “Thank you.” Shoe sat down with his back against the arm of the couch, his legs pulled up. A pale green comforter lay heaped on the cushions, and he drew it around himself. It bunched around him like clouds. He watched Eben, his mouth slightly parted. Eben couldn’t keep his gaze from those pink lips, the perfect curve of them, like a scoop of strawberry ice cream on a hot day.

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Eben forced his gaze to Shoe’s eyes. “So. Uh. How’ve you been?” “Fine.” Shoe looked down at the folds of the comforter in his lap. A pale pink blush rose on his cheeks. “I guess you haven’t said anything to anyone.” “No.” He looked back up at Eben, and it felt like his gaze pierced Eben’s heart. “I don’t ever want to do anything to harm you. And I’m ashamed of the things I said the other day. I was angry because I like you, and you turned me down.” “You like me?” Shoe’s blush deepened. “You are a very attractive man, Eben Flannery.” He snorted. “Me? No.” “It’s true. You don’t believe me?” A warm fizzy feeling filled Eben’s chest. His face felt hot. “I don’t know.” Was Shoe just saying this to please Eben? Was this some kind of game? “I’m not sure what this is all about, you know?” “I don’t blame you for not trusting me. You’re smarter than some people think you are.” “No I’m not. Just—Look, I told you I’d help you if you needed it, remember?” “Yes.” “So, you don’t have to do anything extra for that. You already have that. And if this is all just to get me to do something for you, then just ask me. Please.” “I must disgust you.” “No!” “You don’t want a whore.” Shoe looked so sad. And he’d landed closer to the truth than Eben cared to think about. Except that now he had to. “I don’t care what you are or how you make your living, but the thing is, I’m not a trick. I just…never went in for that. If I’m going to be, you know, with somebody, I want it to be mutual. Like in a relationship.” Shoe nodded. “I should have realized. How stupid of me. I think I’m so smart, but I’m not. This is a mistake. We can’t do this.”

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“Do what?” “I don’t know. Whatever this is. A relationship?” He shook his head. “I don’t know how to do that. I can’t give you what you want, and you won’t let me do what I know how to do. It’s impossible. You’re a good man, Eben Flannery.” “No, I’m not.” Shoe wasn’t listening. “You should find another good man to watch Animal Heroes with and to cuddle and make love with. I’m not right for you.” Eben’s heart sank into his shoes. “You don’t really like me.” “No! Please don’t think that. I do like you, very much. I can’t stop thinking about you. When we’re together I just want to get closer to you. And I don’t know why. I’ve never felt this way before, and I wish I could stop, but I can’t.” “Oh, Shoe.” “At first, I tried to make it about getting something from you, just like you said, because that’s what sex is for. But then I realized that what made you special was that I don’t have to fuck you to get you to be nice to me. And that’s also the thing that makes all this impossible.” He raised his hands and let them fall back in his lap. “I can’t tell if you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, or the worst.” Eben had no answer. He didn’t know either. And what’s more, words were useless—worse than useless. Words could tangle a person up in knots if given half a chance. All he had to do was look at Shoe sitting there bound and helpless to know that. Sometimes, it was just better to let actions take over. Eben slid across the couch until he was just inches away. Shoe’s warmth kissed his skin like the sun. Shoe leaned up, and Eben leaned down. Their lips met in a tender press, and it seemed like the whole world held its breath. The suite, the tick of the clock in the kitchen, the voice of Trevor West on the television—it all fell away. It was just him and Shoe, clinging to each other, their lips melded together as if by pressing against each other they could become one being. Shoe gripped Eben’s face with surprising strength. His strawberry-ice-cream lips parted. Shoe’s hot, slick tongue pressed against Eben’s mouth, and Eben opened for him.

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Eben had never kissed anyone before. Not like this. The soft caress of Shoe’s lips made his pulse race. Shoe’s smell, like vanilla with a hint of something chemical, made him dizzy. Shoe surrounded him, overwhelming his senses with the silken warmth of his skin, the enticing sounds of his moans. The room spun. Hands shaking, Eben caressed Shoe’s shoulders, then stroked up and down his back. Shoe straddled Eben’s lap. Eben gathered him close. Their bodies fit together as if made for each other. Eben had a rock-hard erection, and it pressed right up against Shoe. He had to feel it. Embarrassed, Eben was about to pull away when he felt Shoe’s cock, right alongside his own. The firm, undeniable fact of Shoe’s desire banished Eben’s doubts. They broke their kiss, gasping. Shoe’s flushed face, his lips, red and swollen from kissing, his eyes glittering, was the most beautiful sight Eben had ever seen. His words made Eben’s cock pulse. “Can I touch you?” Eben nodded. A grin lit Shoe’s face. He sat back and went to work pulling Eben’s shirt out of his jeans and up over his head. He tossed it on the coffee table and surveyed Eben’s naked, hairy chest as if he’d discovered buried treasure. It was a little weird, being on display like this, but also kind of exciting. Shoe didn’t make Eben feel ashamed of his thick mat of red hair or the slight paunch of his belly. In fact, the expression on Shoe’s face made a shiver race down Eben’s spine. He breathed deep and flexed his chest muscles. Shoe’s smile widened to reveal his dimple. He licked his lips and reached out as if in slow motion. Eben trembled. Something tightened in his chest, like a big rubber band was wrapped around it. It was hard to breathe. Shoe rested his palms on Eben’s shoulders and squeezed. His touch sent electric sparks dancing all over the surface of Eben’s skin. He stroked up Eben’s neck and back down again, over his shoulders and down to cup his biceps. “So strong.”

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Eben’s cock strained against his jeans. Shoe pressed his palms to Eben’s pecs and ran his fingers in little circles through the wiry chest hair. He leaned forward and rubbed his face against it while his hands traveled to Eben’s back, tracing the muscles with firm fingers. “I’ve wanted to do this for so long.” “Yeah?” “Ever since we met.” He sat back again, his fingers tracing the lines of Eben’s muscles. “You know, when I saw you in the Starbucks, I thought you were the one who’d bought my contract.” Eben didn’t like to think about people buying other people, especially Nicky buying Shoe. But it was true. Pretending otherwise was idiotic, even for him. “Yeah. I figured that out, eventually.” “I was so happy.” The words hit Eben right in the solar plexus. He tried to catch his breath. Shoe continued to stroke Eben’s body. “At first, it was just that you happen to be exactly my type. But then you started talking to me as if…as if I were… You treated me like it mattered how you treated me. And I thought I’d finally lucked out.” Eben wanted to say he wished he’d bought Shoe too, but that wasn’t right. Not at all. He got tangled up in his intentions, and he couldn’t say anything. Instead he reached out one shaking hand and cupped the back of Shoe’s head. Dark hair brushed against his fingers like feathers, so soft and silky. Shoe found Eben’s nipple and kissed it. It pebbled beneath his lips, and when he sucked on it, a sharp jolt of heat shot straight to Eben’s balls. “Jesus!” Eben ran his fingers along Shoe’s jaw, stroking his thumb over the velvet-smooth cheek. Shoe pressed his face into Eben’s palm and gave a long sigh, his breath warm against Eben’s skin. “I want you so much.” Those words, so simple and unadorned, ignited a fire inside Eben. He pulled Shoe up and kissed him again, hard, pushing his tongue into the hot, wet mouth.

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Shoe pushed back, slippery and insistent. A moan escaped him. He reached down between their bodies and undid Eben’s fly with frantic fingers. Eben’s cock popped out, and Shoe stroked it. Tingles spread all over Eben’s body, and he groaned into Shoe’s mouth. Shoe pulled on the drawstring of his own pants, and his cock sprang from the loosened flannel. The head brushed against Eben’s cock, a touch of velvet and flame. The tingling in Eben’s body began to gather in his belly. He drew Shoe closer, plastering their cocks together. Shoe’s hand, still trapped between their bodies, grasped the two straining shafts and stroked. Eben’s blood was replaced with honey, heavy and sweet, flowing everywhere, through his arms and legs, his chest. It pooled in his belly and flowed into his balls and his cock, filling them until they drew tight. He broke their kiss and ran his lips down Shoe’s neck, kissing and licking. “Good,” he said, panting. “Good.” “Eben,” said Shoe, his voice ragged. His hips pumped. His hand moved faster. “Hai. “ Eben rand his hands down Shoe’s back and cupped his ass, squeezing the perfect, tight, round muscles as they flexed. Shoe cried out again. “Hai!” He gasped, thrusting even faster, and then Eben felt something hot and wet spill over the straining flesh of his cock. “Eben!” Shoe’s climax set off a whirlpool in the well of sweetness filling Eben’s groin. Pinprick bursts of pleasure exploded everywhere in his body, while the honey that had collected at the base of his balls poured up through his cock in a flood of joy. He jerked his hips, spurting cum to mingle with Shoe’s. Eben had never been this close to another human being. It was as if he were absorbing Shoe through his skin. He held on tight. Shoe clung to him with wiry strength. For a few moments they just rested against each other, catching their breath. Aftershocks rippled through Eben’s body. He kissed the side of Shoe’s face. Shoe rested his cheek against Eben’s shoulder and pressed his lips to the crook of Eben’s neck. Their bellies and their softening cocks were coated with cum.

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“Wow,” said Eben, at length, and gave a little laugh. Shoe sat up and leaned back. He looked at Eben, his face still flushed and sweaty, his eyes glittering. “You look beautiful,” Eben said. Shoe bent his head and slid from Eben’s embrace. “I could say the same of you.” He turned his face away.

*** Xiu had never experienced anything like that before. He’d had every kind of sex imaginable, but even the most elaborate, exquisite encounters had never been half as powerful or satisfying as that simple make-out and stroke session with Eben. Sei laa! What was he going to do now that he had to go back out there and perform, knowing what poor, pale shadows all those encounters were compared with what he and Eben could do to each other? He had a date tonight. A couple of guys who liked bukkake and bondage. He’d been nervous about it already, but now, the thought of being with anyone but Eben gave him a weird feeling in his stomach, the same feeling he got sometimes when he knew a trick was going to be trouble. That feeling that something was wrong. Only this wasn’t about this specific trick or any specific trick. It was about the very idea of turning a trick. Eben touched him on the shoulder. “Shoe? Are you okay?” “Yes. I’m fine.” He pulled away from Eben and stood. “But I have a date to get ready for. I’m sorry.” He bowed. “No. Don’t be. I don’t want to get you in trouble.” Eben fastened his jeans and got up. “I’ll go.” Xiu walked him to the door. At the door, Eben turned. “So, do you have the answer now?” “The answer?” What was he talking about? “To the question you asked, before. You know.” “I don’t know if you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, or the worst.” Xiu hesitated, but what was the point in pretending? “Yes. I know the answer.”

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Eben stared at him, reading in his face what Xiu didn’t have the strength to say out loud. “Oh.” Xiu opened the door. “Good night, Eben.” Eben opened his mouth and closed it a couple of times. “Oh. Uh. Oh. Good night.” He turned and headed down the hallway. Xiu shut the door and went straight to his room, where he threw himself into the embrace of the dragon.

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Chapter Nine Grow Up

Despite all he’d had to drink, Eben couldn’t sleep. At two in the morning, he called Rhonda. “Baby, what are you doing calling me at this time of night?” “Is Shoe there?” Her voice flattened. “No. He’s still on his date.” “Good. Can I come over? I need to talk to someone.” “Yeah, sure. You know me. I’ll be up another few hours.” Rhonda answered the door in jeans and a T-shirt. She had her hair tied up in a scrunchie, and her makeup was off. “Hey, baby. How you doing?” “I don’t know.” She stood back and looked him up and down. “You’re looking rough.” Her eyes narrowed. “I think I got an idea what this is about. Come on. Come in.” Eben followed her into the dining nook and sat down at the table. “You want something? Water? Coffee? I know you don’t need another drink.” “Nothing, thanks.” “All right.” She poured herself a cup of coffee and sat down on the other side of the table. “This is about Xiu, isn’t it?” “How did you know?” “Please. I’ve seen your manga collection. Besides, that lap dance? That was some very risky shit right there. Another two seconds, and the two of you would’ve been making out right

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in front of everybody. You should have thrown him off. If Jimmy hadn’t put a stop to it, I would have.” “Do you think it would be so bad if Nicky found out about me?” Her eyes widened, and she leaned back. “Are you high?” Eben shrugged. “Nicky and Jimmy fucked Shoe. I saw them.” “Do I really have to explain to you why Nicky and Jimmy fucking a new whore who happens to be a guy and you mooning around after him because he is a guy are two completely different things?” “I guess not. Anyway, Shoe. He acts all different ways all the time. Sometimes he’s kind and sweet, and he’s got this smile that makes a dimple come out in his cheek, and he asks me how I’m doing like he really cares what the answer is, and, I don’t know, I feel like I can just be myself with him. You know?” Rhonda gave him a sad smile. “Yeah. I know.” “But then other times, he’s different. Real, you know, sophisticated and sexy and kinda…mean. When…when I saw him in that three-way with Nicky and Jimmy, he was really enjoying himself and when they were done, he looked over, and he saw me, and for a second he looked really upset, but then he winked at me and blew me a kiss, and it wasn’t—I don’t know, it wasn’t nice. It felt like he was making fun of me. So the thing I’m trying to figure out is, which is the real one?” “Does it matter, honey? He’s a whore, and a junkie on top of that. You’re too good for him.” “No, I’m not.” “You are. You’ve got a good heart, and you’re a romantic. Like your da. I knew your parents, you know, from the old neighborhood. I don’t know how much you remember of them.” “Not much.” She nodded. “Well, they were a love match, no doubt about it, and your da—he was tough as nails, don’t get me wrong, but he had a kindness in him, and sometimes people would sense that and try to take advantage. That’s where your ma came in. She was sharp as knives and mean as winter. Nicky is her son, through and through. She made sure no one ever used your da’s good

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side against him, and together, they made one hell of a team.” The light of recollection shone in her face. Eben smiled in the reflected warmth of her memory. “Now your da was fortunate in his marriage. He found someone whose strengths complemented his, but most of all, someone who had his best interests at heart. “You’ve got to be careful, Eben. Xiu’s fix comes first. Whether he really likes you or not, he’ll use you if you let him. He’s obviously figured out you like him, so he’s going to show you whatever it is he thinks you want to see. Hell, he’s probably hoping you’ll fall in love and run off with him.” Eben furrowed his brow. “He’d want that?” She raised her eyebrows, as if it should be obvious. “But he seems so sophisticated. He’s got all these clients and parties to go to and stuff. He’d really want to give all that up? For me?” Rhonda rolled her eyes. “Jesus Christ, Eben, is that what you think it’s like?” It isn’t? “You all always seem to be having such a good time.” “Now you’re just being stupid on purpose. Think about it. Who wants to screw around with someone who acts like they’re having a bad time? Not the kind of clients I’d want, that’s for sure.” Eben sensed a void beneath him, eating away at what had once appeared to be solid ground. “Then all the laughing and the smiling, it’s not real?” She shrugged. Her mouth was tight, and she seemed angry. They’d never talked about this kind of stuff before. “Depends. But the point is, we’re there for the client, not the other way around. We don’t choose. He does, or Jimmy does, and unless Xiu wants Jimmy to beat him cross-eyed, he’d better fucking act like he’s having the time of his life.” The ground opened up, and Eben plunged through into the void. “That’s not right.” “Oh, grow up.” Eben felt betrayed, and even as he knew the reaction was childish, he couldn’t help it. “But you always say, ‘I don’t want to be no fancy high-powered professional woman, any of that shit. I like to party.’ Isn’t that what you say?”

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She didn’t answer him. “So that’s just talk. You’d rather be doing something else, wouldn’t you? This isn’t—like you said, it’s not your choice, is it?” The look Rhonda gave him seemed to peel the years from her face like six inches of wet plaster. She looked at him with the face she must have had when she was ten years old. She opened her mouth and then shook her head. She stood, and her face got hard again. “It’s time for you to grow up, Eben. You been hiding behind this ‘I’m too stupid to know what’s what’ thing for long enough. I know you’re not stupid. You’ve just let Nicky do all your thinking for you all your life. You’ve got to be your own person and take responsibility for who you are.” Was that true? Did he pretend to be dumber than he really was, just so he didn’t have to think about stuff? The door opened, and Shoe came in. His shirt was buttoned wrong, and the tails were untucked. His hair was messy. His arms hung slack, and exhaustion was etched in every line of his body. He had a bite mark on his neck, and he smelled like lube and latex. When he saw Eben his eyes widened. Red patches appeared on his cheeks. “What the fuck you walking around like that for?” Rhonda lit into him. “This is a highclass operation. You take a shower after you’re done, and you dress proper.” Shoe gave her a look of blunt hostility. “They wouldn’t let me take a shower. I had to leave like this.” Rhonda drew her brows together. “What happened? You piss them off?” “What, are you my pimp now?” “When Jimmy’s not here, you answer to me.” “Fine. Then you can screen my clients too. Humiliation is part of their kink, okay? I don’t want to go back there again.” “You’ll go where Jimmy tells you.” “Fuck you.” Shoe walked past them. His gaze snagged on Eben, and for a split second Eben saw a well of hurt in the depths of those dark eyes. Then Shoe headed down the hall. “Fuck all of you.”

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“Why you gotta be so hard on him?” The knot in Eben’s stomach twisted and made his words sharp. “Fuck you, Eben.” Rhonda grabbed her purse from the kitchen counter. “I’m gonna go get some smokes. Maybe I’ll grab some breakfast while I’m at it. It might take me a while, so why don’t you grow a pair and go do what you’re gonna do already?” She left, slamming the door behind her. Shoe’s room was at the end of the hall. The door was closed. As he walked toward it, Eben had that feeling where the distance stretches out. Every step he took seemed to land him farther from his destination. When I open that door, something’s going to happen, and whatever it is, it’s going to change everything. He stood with his hand on the doorknob. He turned it. The room was a mess. Clothes lay everywhere, along with discarded paper bags—the white kind from bakeries—and candy wrappers. Shoe sat on the edge of the bed, a rubber tube around his bicep. He was just pulling the needle out. When he looked at Eben, his pupils were huge. “Go away. Please.” “I can’t.” That wasn’t quite true. “I won’t.” Shoe closed his eyes and let his head fall back. Eben went to him. He put his arms around Shoe. Shoe sank against him. “Don’t want you to see me like this.” “Please let me stay.” “Stupid.” “I am.” “No. Me.” Shoe made a sound that might have been laughter. “I wish I wasn’t a junkie jìnǚ, so we could be together.” “We are together. What’s that word? Cheenewyeh?” “Whore.”

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The way he said it, not even an idiot like Eben could miss how Shoe really felt about it. “I thought you liked it, all the clients and getting high and all?” “Well, it’s better to enjoy it. Isn’t it?” “Yes. Of course. Yes.” “When you can, anyway.” Cold congealed in Eben’s belly. “Tonight was bad.” Shoe seemed to sink into Eben’s side. He pressed the side of his face against Eben’s chest. “They wouldn’t let me come.” He sniffed. “They did everything to me, over and over, and they wouldn’t let me come.” The cold crept through Eben’s limbs, but he held Shoe tight anyway. He didn’t know what to say, so he just rested his cheek against the top of Shoe’s head. “Do you like me?” asked Shoe, his voice small. “I do. I like you a lot.” “Then please, either leave or…or help me.” Shoe lifted his head. His eyes were two dark bottomless pits. Eben saw how hard Shoe was. “S-sure.” Hands trembling, he undid Shoe’s pants. He took Shoe’s cock in his hand and started to stroke. He’d never touched another man’s cock before. It felt so good—warm and strong and silken. The pain in Shoe’s face eased, and his eyes fluttered closed. He sighed, and a smile curved his lips. That made Eben feel like the king of the world. Shoe leaned his head against Eben’s shoulder. Eben held him close and, having no other knowledge to fall back on, worked him the way he did himself when he was in the shower—slow, steady strokes at first. Shoe gasped and pressed his face against Eben. He bucked his hips. Eben’s own cock swelled in response to Shoe’s arousal, though he felt no pressing need to do anything about it. He picked up his tempo to match Shoe’s thrusts. “Yeah, that’s it. There you go,” he whispered.

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Shoe panted and clutched at him. His hand grazed Eben’s hard-on. “Oh.” He fumbled at Eben’s fly. “Uh-uh.” Eben shifted out of reach. “This is just for you.” Shoe took a deep breath and shuddered. He looked up at Eben. “You’re a dream.” He arched up and kissed Eben openmouthed and sloppy as he groaned and his body convulsed. Hot seed jetted into Eben’s palm. Shoe sank against Eben’s chest, trembling with aftershocks. He pressed his face into Eben’s shoulder. Little pinpricks of wetness soaked through Eben’s shirt. Eben, his hand wet with Shoe’s cum and his shoulder damp with his tears, held him close. He thought Shoe had fallen asleep, but after a little while, he stirred. “You’re still here.” “Uh-huh.” “I didn’t dream it.” “No.” A deep exhale. “You’re going to ruin me, Eben Flannery.” “Why?” “I don’t know how to do this. I know how to be with people who pay. I don’t know this.” “You never had a boyfriend?” “No. There was no time. I was in school, always studying. I was going to be a doctor. Isn’t that funny?” “Not really. What happened?” Shoe shook his head. “You don’t want to hear my story.” Eben sought out Shoe’s hand and squeezed it. “I do. I really do.” Shoe pushed himself up and peered at Eben. “Really?” He nodded. Shoe bit his lip. “Okay, but…just stop me when I start boring you.”

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Chapter Ten Uncle Lao and the Kuo Brothers

Eben was well aware of the trust Shoe showed in sharing his past. It was a gift. He wasn’t sure he was worthy of it, but he did know Shoe deserved someone to talk to. Someone who could shut up and just listen. Shoe shifted so his back was against the wall, his knees up, and his feet tucked under Eben’s side. He wrapped his arms around his knees. “There was an accident, and my parents were killed. School was very important to them. My father especially. He was adamant that I study hard. They were both overjoyed when I told them I wanted to go into medicine. So…to honor them, I was determined to finish my studies.” Shoe laughed for some reason Eben couldn’t follow. He covered his face for a moment and then folded his hands on top of his knees and continued. “I was in seventh form, premed. But the fees are expensive. I couldn’t pay, and I was alone. I had no other family. But the neighbor woman, Wu Li, told me I could get a loan from the Triple Prosperity Benevolence Society.” Shoe’s expression hardened. “She didn’t tell me it was a triad.” “A triad?” “Yes. You know, gangsters. Like you and your brother.” The matter-of-fact way Shoe said it made Eben’s shame even sharper. “Oh.” “Uncle Lao was very happy to lend me the money. There was a contract, but he assured me it was only a formality. I didn’t need to read it. It was very long, with very small writing.” Shoe gazed across the room as if looking back through the years to that moment. “I signed.” “The day I completed my seventh form, Uncle Lao and two of his fellows were waiting for me at my parents’ apartment. I was such a child. I thought they were there to celebrate with me, and I was embarrassed that I had only tea to offer them.

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“They asked me to sit, and then the Kuo brothers held me still while Uncle Lao tied a tourniquet around my arm. He said it was time for me to repay my debt.” “The Kuo brothers?” Eben was filing all this information away for future reference, should he ever happen to cross paths with these people. “Kuo Kung and Kuo Kang. But those aren’t the names they were born with. Those are their triad names. Lao is from Beijing. He gives all his fellows Mandarin names.” “I see. I’m sorry. Go on.” “I was terrified. I thought they were going to collect a finger, like Yakuza, or maybe my whole arm. Isn’t that funny? I lived in Hong Kong my whole life, and I knew more about Japanese Yakuza than about Chinese triads. I read a lot of manga.” Eben still couldn’t bring himself to find anything funny about the story so far, but he forced a wan smile for Shoe’s sake. “I begged them not to do it. Uncle Lao slapped me and scolded me for dishonoring my father with tears.” Shoe bent his head. His voice fell to a barely audible whisper. “If that were the only way I shamed him.” He looked up again, and his voice grew stronger. “The stinging kiss of the needle came as a relief. I still didn’t comprehend what was happening. I was just relieved they weren’t cutting my arm off.” Shoe sank back against the wall and smiled. “Then a warm golden rush rose up and washed me away. “Everything else that happened that afternoon seemed to take place in a dream.” Caught between wanting to ask what the “everything else that happened” was and being afraid to find out, Eben remained silent. Shoe frowned. “But then I woke up the next morning sprawled across my parents’ bed, naked and, um…sore. Somebody had taken one of my mother’s lipsticks and scrawled the word jìnǚ across my belly.” Right. So Eben didn’t need to ask after all. “It’s a Mandarin word, not Cantonese. It must have been Lao who did it, but I don’t remember. Anyway, on the table beside the bed lay a syringe and a rubber tube. A bead of liquid hung off the tip of the needle, glistening in the light from the widow. I lay there all day, staring at it, mesmerized. But I didn’t use it.

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“When the Kuo brothers returned, they yelled at me for being a stuck-up silly child. Xiusheng, they called me. Schoolboy. They said a lot of men would pay good money to fuck a pretty little schoolboy. “I swore and spit at them.” Shoe shook his head. “That was a mistake. In the end they held me down and shot me up anyway. The dragon came and carried me away. I barely even noticed when they left and the other man came in.” Eben hoped his sorrow and rage didn’t show on his face. This wasn’t about him or his reactions. This was for Shoe. “The second time I woke up it was worse than before. And again the needle sat there on the table. I think by then I knew it was inevitable, but I just couldn’t bring myself to use it. I kept thinking of my father. What he would say. “Later that day I started to feel sick. When I tried to eat something, I threw up. My hands shook. I thought I was going to die. When the Kuo brothers returned, they had no trouble pinning me to the bed. I wanted the drug by then, but they didn’t give it to me until they were good and ready.” Eben swallowed and managed to stifle the cry that wanted to tear itself from his throat. “I knew then there was no escape. And I had two choices. I could keep fighting the inevitable, and suffer, or I could embrace what had to be and enjoy what pleasures my new life offered. “My parents were dead. And I was not strong enough to keep fighting in order to honor them. I begged their spirits to turn their backs to me, so they would not see my shame.” Shoe lifted his head and met Eben’s gaze. He appeared calm now. “The next time I awoke and found the needle there on the table beside the bed, I used it.” How could Shoe be so unruffled now, when Eben felt like his heart had been pried from his chest with a crowbar? He reached out, took one of Shoe’s hands, and squeezed it. “Thank you for sharing your story with me.” Shoe shook his head. “I don’t want your pity.” “Did I say I felt sorry for you?” Maybe he did, but that wasn’t all he felt, not even mostly. “No.” Shoe seemed surprised.

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“So.” Eben tugged at Shoe’s hand. “Come here?” Shoe stared at him as if trying to decipher a complicated road map. At last he seemed to give up. He sank down beside Eben and allowed himself to be tucked into the crook of Eben’s arm. For a while all Eben could do was hold Shoe close. He didn’t dare try to put the turmoil inside him into words. But eventually it settled down a little bit, and he managed to say, “I do think I understand a few things better now. Things that had been confusing me.” “Like what?” “Well, like how sometimes being around you, I feel like I can just relax and really be myself, you know? Like, I’m okay with you, just the way I am. But then other times…” “Other times I’m not very nice to you. Like…like that time you saw me with Jimmy and your brother.” “Yeah. When you blew me that kiss, it felt like you were making fun of me.” “I was angry with you. I didn’t want you to see me like that, and I didn’t want to think about the fact that it bothered me. Same with when I tried to give you that blowjob. I want to turn you into one of my tricks because that is something I know how to deal with now. It’s better to take pleasure where it can be found. It makes me feel like I…like I…like I’m not just a plaything for others. Like I have a choice.” Even if it isn’t really true. “I suppose that disgusts you.” “No. Anything that helps you survive is good by me.” Shoe sighed. “But you’re not a trick, and I don’t know what to do with that. With this. I think we are either very good for each other, or very bad.”

*** Xiu had never told anybody his story before. At first he didn’t think he wanted to; then he didn’t think he’d be able to, but as he began to speak, as Eben quietly drank in his words, he found that it felt good to share that time with someone.

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His biggest fear, that he would become an object of pity to Eben, did not materialize. Instead, Eben had found a way to sort out the knotty issue of Xiu’s inconsistent behavior in a way that restored dignity to both of them. For once, Xiu let the question of where all of this was going slide. He rested his head on Eben’s shoulder and closed his eyes, relishing this unique feeling of being heard and understood. Not a trick, indeed. What then? Eben. Just Eben.

*** Neither of them said anything more. Shoe fell asleep, and Eben held him through the night, thoughts rolling around and around in his head. None of this is his doing. He wanted to be a doctor. If it weren’t for Nicky and Jimmy, he could still become one. And now that I know all that, what am I gonna do about it?

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Chapter Eleven Brother’s Keeper

At midmorning, Shoe was still sleeping. Eben had some errands to run for Nicky. Stuff that couldn’t wait. He eased himself out of the bed. He still wore his clothes from the night before. The walk of shame. But he wasn’t ashamed, and he and Shoe hadn’t had sex anyway. Well, both of them hadn’t. Sort of. Rhonda was back, sitting at the table in the dining nook, playing solitaire and smoking cigarettes. “Well, you get that out of your system, baby?” Eben stood in the archway. He tucked his hands in his armpits and looked at her as she flipped three cards over, scowled, and flipped three more. Should he talk to her about what had happened? She didn’t seem to like Shoe much. And she had the wrong idea about why Eben was still here. But who else did he have to talk to? “Rhonda, I don’t know what to do.” The two of diamonds hovered over the discard pile. She looked up at him. Her eyebrows drew together like two enforcers discussing a job. “Don’t tell me you’ve gone and fallen in love with him.” Love? Was that what this was? This feeling he got in his chest every time he saw Shoe? This certainty that no matter what happened, it would be worth it so long as Shoe was okay? This sudden understanding that all the things he’d always thought were so important weren’t, not really. Rhonda let her head roll back. “Jesus Christ. I should have kicked you out of here last night. What was I thinking? That a one-night stand would get the jones out of you and you’d go back to normal? You? Bright, Rhonda.” She said all this to the ceiling. At last she looked back at him again. She took a drag on her cigarette. “You’re not getting any crazy ideas, are you?”

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Maybe one or two, but they were vague, unformed things, swimming around in the back of his mind, obscured by the knowledge that he was Nicky’s brother and he’d promised Ma he’d always obey Nicky. “‘Cause wherever you went, Nicky’d find you. And then he’d kill both of you.” Her words made Eben’s ideas take form. “What if we changed our names?” “He’d find you anyway. Besides, how would you live? Xiu’s got a habit to support. You ready for that?” “I’ll find some kind of job, and he can get clean.” “Ah shit. You been thinking about this.” “Not really.” Until now. “Clean, huh. You ask him about that?” Eben shrugged. “And what kind of work can you do? You can barely even read. All you can do is beat on people, Eben, and you’ve already risen to the top of that career path.” “I’ll find some kind of job. Shoe’s smart. He’ll figure something out, and we can…we can…” Rhonda nodded. “See, you don’t even really believe it yourself. It’s a dream. A beautiful dream, but if you try to make it a reality, you’re only going to hurt yourself and everyone else. Xiu especially. What do you think Nicky will do to him if he finds out about all of this?” Eben swallowed. “If you care about him, Eben, you’ll leave him alone.” Eben nodded, and he turned toward the door. His mind was a whirl of questions now, worse than ever before. “And for the love of God, leave me out of it. The last thing I need is Nicky and Jimmy coming down on me for it.”

***

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When Xiu woke up, Eben was gone. But he knew it hadn’t been a dream. There was an Eben’s-head-sized depression in the pillow beside him and one bright red hair, gleaming in the light from the window. Xiu just lay there, staring at it. It was so beautiful. Even if Eben came to his senses and Xiu never saw him again, it would always be beautiful, and just the knowledge that it existed would be a chrysanthemum blooming in his heart for the rest of his life. Down the hall he heard voices. Jimmy and Rhonda. He glanced at the clock. It was almost noon. It was Wednesday. Mr. Smith. Xiu picked up the hair and folded it in a piece of paper. He got dressed, and before he went out for his appointment, he tucked the paper into his pocket. He was being ridiculous. He knew that. But it was too late. He was already lost.

*** Nicky sat in his office in the back of Club 7, reviewing his spreadsheets. Business was good, apart from the fucking O’Malleys breathing down his neck. They were the one blot on an otherwise pristine profit sheet, but Eben had taken care of Jack Parker, and Nicky had an idea for how to deal with the O’Malleys in the bigger picture. He checked the clock. Eleven a.m. They’d still be awake in Hong Kong. He dialed Uncle Lao. “Nice to hear from you, Mr. Stevens,” said Lao when he answered. “How are you?” “Great.” “I am so happy to hear it. And your new pony? How is he working out for you?” “We’re real happy with him, Mr. Wong. He’s running a lot of races and earning big purses for us. We’re very satisfied.” “That is good news. As you know, I can provide you with many more of his bloodline, or similar bloodlines.” “Yeah, and we’ll be happy to take you up on that as soon as we’re ready to expand our stables, but in the meantime, I was wondering if we could order any of that special feed you had him on back home.”

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The line was silent a moment. “I see. Well, we don’t normally ship it overseas but, since you are a valued customer and colleague, we might be able to arrange something. But I must warn you, in order to make it worthwhile for all parties concerned, you’d have to take quite a considerable quantity.” “I’m only interested in considerable quantities.” “Very well. I will notify my inventory manager and accounts receivable and have an invoice ready for you by the end of the week.” “Great. Talk to you soon.” “Good-bye, Mr. Stevens.” Nicky closed his phone and sat smiling a moment. He’d drown Mike O’Malley in a tidal wave of cheap heroin. By the end of the month, every junkie in Boston would be buying from Flannery dealers. There was a knock on the door. “Yeah. Come in.” The door opened and Paul, Sean, and Bill William came in, looking like they were attending their own funerals. “What the fuck is this?” said Nicky. “Mind if we sit?” asked Paul. “Sure, fucking sit, just spill already. Your faces are giving me the clap.” They looked at each other and sat down in the chairs on the other side of Nicky’s desk. “I drove by Andrew Square this morning,” said Sean. “Jack Parker’s out there again.” “What? Eben took care of that.” Sean shrugged. “Apparently not.” Nicky slapped the table. “Fucking-A. Well I got news for you boys, in another month, we’re gonna put Mike O’Malley right out of business. I just got off the phone with that Uncle Lao guy, and he’s gonna sell us enough cheap junk to fill Fenway Park.” “That’s good news, Nicky,” said Paul, though he didn’t look all that thrilled. None of them did. “What’s wrong with you guys? Jack Parker’s a piece-of-shit nobody. We’ll get rid of him. It’s no big deal. Fuck, I’ll call Eben right now.” He reached for his phone.

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“Nicky, just hear us out first, all right?” said Paul. “As your advisor, I’m asking you.” Nicky’s gut tightened. Paul didn’t fuck around. If he was this serious about something, then whatever it was, Nicky had better listen. “Okay. Shoot.” “You done your ma and da proud, you know. Flannery Clan is at the top of the pile in Boston, and we’re making money hand over fist.” “Yeah, I know. I don’t need no pep talk. Get to the point.” “When things are going this well, it’s easy to overlook the little screw-ups, but it’s those little things that can eat away at a beautiful enterprise, until it’s as fragile as a worm-eaten log. Right now, when you’re at the top of your game, is the time to check and make sure that your foundation is solid.” “I still don’t hear no point, Paul.” “Eben was unable to keep Jack Parker out of Andrew Square. Jack is—” “He’s a punk, Nicky,” said Bill. “I don’t need you to tell me who fucking Jack Parker is. You’re all dancing around something like a bunch of ballerinas. Either man up and spill, or get the fuck out of my office.” “Nobody wants to say it because he’s your brother, but if Eben can’t deal effectively with Parker, then he can’t really function as an enforcer,” said Sean. “Whoa!” Nicky sat back and gave them all the full force of his glare. Bill flinched. Paul looked down. But Sean met his eye. “Are you actually suggesting I take my own brother out of the picture?” “He’s a weak link,” said Sean. “He’s not a killer. You can tell,” said Bill. “He’s a liability we may not be able to afford for much longer,” said Paul. Nicky stood and slammed his hands on the desk. All three of them jumped. “He’s my brother. And you’re out of line. Eben’s been solid at my side from the get go. Where the fuck were any of you when we was in that juvie shithole, huh? Getting fat and old on the work of real Flannerys, is what. But Eben fought for me every fucking day in that place, and he’s fought for me every day since we got out. And never a word of complaint. No backtalk, no whining. So

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fucking Jack Parker came back. So what? Eben will take care of it. You three need to mind your own fucking business, and if I ever catch wind of this again, we’ll see who the weak links are.” Paul, Sean, and Bill glanced at one another. Paul said, “We just—” “Shut the fuck up and get out of my sight.” They walked out. Nicky watched them go. Sean had started this talk. Nicky knew it like he knew his balance sheet. He was a good earner, but not the best. Nicky could divide his territory up between Paul, Bill, and Eben, and things would roll right on as if he’d never even existed. It would be a valuable lesson to Paul and Bill, and the truth was, it was high time for Eben to start taking more responsibility. Paul was right. It was important to recognize screw-ups when you found them. Sean should have known better than to try to cut Eben out, but Nicky had fucked up too. In a way, this whole thing was his fault. He’d always protected Eben, shielded him from having to do any of the actual hits. That had been a mistake, most of all because it signaled a lack of confidence to the others. But Nicky had no doubts Eben was up to it. Nobody was more loyal. Eben would do whatever Nicky told him. Mistakes were correctable. Nicky would correct Sean’s, and Eben would correct Nicky’s, starting with Jack Parker.

*** Eben collected from Tater and Kelly and Big Little Louis. They’d all known him a long time, and they gave him no trouble, but as each of them handed over their share, he couldn’t help wondering how they’d be if they knew what he’d done last night. When he was finished with his route, he drove down to the old neighborhood and took a walk. It was different from how he remembered it. Nicer. The houses were all neat and clean, with window boxes full of flowers and gardens in bloom. The house he and Nicky had lived in with their folks was gone, torn down and replaced by a yoga studio. Next door was a coffeehouse, but he passed it by. Two blocks down, the St. Benedict Cathedral reached up into the sky with white marble steeples. Beside it, the modest building of tan brick that had been the parish hospital was now a community center. But the entrance was just the same. Shallow steps and a ramp led up to the

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large sliding glass doors. The place was quiet now, just as it had been that day so many years ago. Eben stopped and took a seat on the low wall beside the steps where he and Nicky had sat, waiting for word about Ma and Da…

*** “Are we gonna get lollipops?” “Shut up, Eben.” “But we always get lollipops when we go to the doctor. I like the pineapple ones. That’s my favorite. I hope that’s the one I get.” Nicky punched him in the arm. “Don’t you get it? We’re not getting any candy. And nobody’s gonna be taking us to the doctor anymore either, not unless we do it ourselves.” “What do you mean?” “Remember how Jesus took Grandma to go and live with him up in heaven, ’cause she was so sick?” “Yeah.” “Well, that’s what’s probably gonna happen to Ma and Da. They’re hurt real bad, Eben. I think Jesus is gonna take them too.” The day remained sunny and bright, but somewhere someone had opened a door, and a freezing winter wind blew through, chilling Eben to the soul. He trembled and burst into tears. “No!” “Stop blubbering.” Nicky punched him in the arm again, really hard, which only made Eben cry harder. “Boys?” Father Gonzalez stood at the top of the stairs. “Your mother is awake. She wants to see you.” Eben swallowed his tears and rubbed his face on his sleeve. Nicky stood up, squared his shoulders, and smoothed down his hair. Father Gonzalez came down the steps and took their hands. “I’ll take you up to see her.” “What about Da?” asked Eben. “It’s best if you see your ma first,” he said.

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“Why? Is Jesus gonna take her away?” “I promised her I wouldn’t say anything until she’s had a chance to talk to you.” Father Gonzalez held their hands all the way up in the elevator and all the way down the long, white, antiseptic-smelling hallway to Ma’s room. The corridor seemed to go on and on. Afterward, whenever Eben thought about people dying, he always pictured them walking down that hallway, forever and ever, getting smaller and smaller as they vanished into the distance. Eben expected Nicky to pull away from Father Gonzalez and point out that he was a big boy of ten, not a baby like Eben, but he didn’t. He let Father Gonzalez hold his hand the whole way. Every time Eben looked at him, his face was blank. But when they got into the room and saw Ma lying in the bed, a million tubes and wires running out of her, her face as white as the sheets, a sob tore from Nicky’s throat, and he turned and buried his face in the priest’s coat. Eben had already been crying so much it was easier for him to swallow his tears now. “Nicky, Eben. Come here.” Her voice was dry and thin like the sound prayer cards make when you slide them into their envelopes. Father Gonzalez patted Nicky on the back. Eben watched Nicky’s shoulders heave as he took a big breath. When he turned around, he had that blank face again. “Leave us, Father. I need to be alone with my sons.” The priest bowed his head, but before he released Eben and Nicky, he squatted down, so he was at eye level with them. “I’ll be out in the hallway.” He released them and left the room, closing the door behind him. Eben reached for Nicky’s hand, and Nicky didn’t push him or slug him. He gripped Eben’s hand tight as the two of them approached Ma’s bedside with slow steps. Eben didn’t really want to go any closer. She looked so different. He wanted to wait outside in the hallway with Father Gonzalez, but Nicky had hold of his hand now, and there was no turning back. She smiled as they neared. “My boys. My fine, strong sons.” She reached out a trembling hand and patted first Eben’s head and then Nicky’s. Nicky looked down at the floor. Eben grabbed her hand and clung to it.

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“’Tis a cruel world to be sure, to rob you of your ma and da at such a tender age. But I don’t want no cryin’ nor any feeling sorry for yourselves on account of being orphans. You are Flannerys, the descendants of warriors, and don’t you ever forget it. Flannerys don’t take charity, and they don’t ever, ever let anyone get the better of them.” “Where’s Da?” asked Eben. She squeezed his hand. “He’s with Jesus.” “What? He’s gone? No!” “Shh. Hush now, Ebenezer Joseph Flannery. It’s God’s will, and your duty to accept it. Now, I don’t have much time. Soon, I’ll be with your father.” Tears rolled down Eben’s cheeks “No no no…” “Are you gonna make me get up out of my deathbed and stop your mouth with my foot?” Eben shut up. “Now listen to me, both of you, while you still can. It’s a hard world, especially when you have no kin. You’re gonna need each other in order to survive and make Flannery the most feared name in Boston. I want you both to promise me that you will always protect each other and take care of each other. Remember that no promise is more sacred than the one you make to your mother on her death bed. Now say it. Say you promise.” “I promise I will always take care of Eben and protect him from his enemies,” said Nicky. “I promise too.” “Say the words.” “I promise that I will always take care of Nicky and protect him from his enemies,” said Eben. “And you’ll do what Nicky tells you.” “And I’ll do what Nicky tells me. I promise, Ma.” She smiled and rested her head on her pillow. “That’s good.” Her grip on their hands faltered. “I can go in peace now. Never forget, boys, you’re Flannerys.” She closed her eyes. Her hand went slack.

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One of the machines in the room began to wail. Nurses and doctors rushed in. Eben and Nicky were herded out into the hallway where Father Gonzalez waited. “Are they gonna save her?” asked Eben. “She’s gone,” said Nicky. “They’re doing all they can,” said Father Gonzalez. But half an hour later, the doctor came out and told them she’d died. Eben and Nicky went to St. Benedict’s Home for Orphans and Foundlings, but no one adopted them, and two years later they were in juvie for theft and battery. There they spent three years, until Nicky orchestrated their escape…

*** Eben stood and shook the memories from his mind. He walked down the street to the church and went inside. The chapel was still and silent. He crossed himself and knelt in one of the pews. He hadn’t prayed since he’d left the orphanage. He clasped his hands and bent his head, but no words came. Maybe he’d forgotten how to pray. He sat back on the pew and just stared up at the crucifix for a while. A hand fell on his shoulder. “You seem troubled, my son.” Eben turned and looked up into Father Gonzalez’s lined face. He was older, but it was definitely him. “Father!” “Eben Flannery?” He nodded. Father Gonzalez sat down next to him in the pew. “What brings you back to the church after all these years?” Eben almost said nothing. He almost left, but then he realized that if he confessed his sins to Father Gonzalez, the Father would have to listen to him and could not report anything to the police or anyone else. Confessions were sacred and secret. “Father, will you take my confession?” “Yes, of course. The confessional booths are under repair at the moment. Why don’t you come into my office?”

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Eben followed him behind the altar and through the vestry, to a staircase carpeted in burgundy red, worn in the middle of each step. They climbed up to a short hallway with a window at each end. The walls were bright white, and the wood trim around the doors and windows looked new, but the carpet had a tear down the center. “We’re in the midst of renovating,” said Father Gonzalez. He opened a door and gestured for Eben to enter. The office had the fresh paint job and a new moss green carpet. A window seat graced one wall. Father Gonzalez’s desk sat in the center of the room, and off to the side stood a couple of armchairs. The priest gestured to one of them and sat down in the other. Eben perched on the edge of his chair. He’d been counting on the darkness of the confessional booth. But what had Rhonda said? That he hid behind being stupid? Maybe this was better. “Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. It’s been…” Eben searched his memory. “I guess it’s been about fifteen years since my last confession.” “Something must be weighing heavily on you to bring you back after all these years.” “Yeah. I don’t know what to do, Father.” “Why don’t you start by telling me your sins?” “Okay. Um. I’ve had impure thoughts. Lots of impure thoughts. And um…I’ve committed violence against my fellow man. I’ve lied. I’ve indulged in spirits to excess. I’ve engaged in, um…well, not like, you know, sex sex, but…sort of sex, outside of wedlock. With another man.” Eben’s stomach felt tight. He’d never really told anyone before. Rhonda putting it together for herself was different. And besides, this was a priest. He hurried on before Father Gonzalez could say anything. “But I don’t want to get into the whole gay thing. I know I’m going to hell for that, even though I can’t help it, but I’m worried about what’s happening right now, in this life. That’s why I’m here, Father. I need your advice about a problem with a friend of mine.” “Do you understand the concept of the infallibility of the Pope, Eben?” “It means that the Pope is always right.” “That’s a common misconception. Infallibility means that if we follow the doctrine of the Pope in life. Then at death we will receive eternal life in heaven, without fail. However, we are granted moral agency in our own right. And we may encounter situations that call us to choices

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other than those dictated by papal doctrine. When we do so, we take our salvation in our own hands, but we do not necessarily sin.” “I don’t understand.” “At St. Benedicts, we welcome gay Catholics, and we honor all forms of committed love between adults as an expression of divine grace.” “So…so you disagree with what the main church says?” “Yes. We do.” “So…you don’t think I’m going to hell, just for being gay?” “No.” “Oh. Huh. Wow.” Eben found himself sitting up straighter. He wasn’t automatically going to hell. Not for that, anyway. He felt lighter, which surprised him. “Well, anyway. I think I’m in love with this guy, but it’s complicated.” Father Gonzalez smiled. “Love can often feel complicated, but in reality, it is simple. It means caring for someone so much that you put their needs before your own.” “But what if helping that person means hurting someone else? What if it means breaking the most sacred promise you’ve ever made?” Father Gonzalez frowned. “I don’t understand.” “Well. This guy. His name is Shoe. He’s a prostitute. He works for my brother, but he doesn’t really like it. He got forced into it by some other people. He wanted to be a doctor. It’s not right. But I don’t know what to do about it. I promised Ma I’d protect my brother and obey him no matter what. I want to help Shoe get out somehow, if I can, but I don’t know how to do that, and even if I did, I’d be going against Nicky and breaking my promise.” Father Gonzalez didn’t say anything right away. He sat with his fingers steepled. “You made that promise to your mother on her deathbed when you were six years old.” “I know. I know how sacred it is.” Father Gonzalez shook his head. “That’s not what I mean. I mean that when you made it, you could not have known who your brother would become. And as a child you did not have the moral capacity to make such a promise in the first place.”

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“I don’t understand.” “You made that promise under duress. Your mother was dying. You were a child.” “Still, a promise is a promise.” “But that kind of promise will not absolve you from sins committed in its name.” Eben shook his head. What was Father Gonzalez saying? The priest leaned forward in his seat. “Eben. I know who your brother is. What kind of a man he is.” “He’s a businessman.” “He’s a criminal, and he makes his money by hurting people.” Eben swallowed. He couldn’t remember anyone ever putting it so plainly before. But it was true, and he’d always known it, on some level. “So am I. So do I.” Father Gonzalez tilted his head and opened his hands in acknowledgment. “And you must take responsibility for that and for assisting your brother in his crimes.” “But I promised Ma—” “She died of a gunshot wound given to her by a man whose father she had murdered.” “What are you saying?” “I’m saying that there are more important things than a promise a criminal who happened to be your mother forced you to make fifteen years ago. If she truly repented her sins in this life, Eben, then your mother is in heaven now. With Jesus. Do you think she’d approve of your life? Of Nicky’s?” “I don’t know. Maybe she’s not in heaven.” “What about your da?” Something deep inside him knew that his father would repent his sins and receive absolution, even if he wasn’t as sure about his ma. “I didn’t make him no promise.” Father Gonzalez raised an eyebrow. “That alone should tell you something.” “He died before we got to see him.” “I know. If you had seen him, how do you think he would have spent the last moments of your time together on Earth?”

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“He would have told us he loved us.” Father Gonzalez sat back. He didn’t say anything. “So you’re saying Ma shouldn’t have made us make that promise. Are you saying I should turn my back on my own brother?” “Do you think you can convince him to repent and leave his life of crime?” Eben stared at the priest. “No? If anyone could, I think it would be you.” Eben turned his gaze to the crucifix on the wall. “Nicky’s not going to listen to me.” “Then if you can’t help him save his immortal soul, you must concern yourself with your own. So long as you are a participant in his crimes, you cannot be fully absolved of your sins. You must find a way to extricate yourself and protect the man you love and the other people Nicky hurts.” “What am I supposed to do, kill him?” “Amending one sin by committing another is not the answer.” Eben shook his head. “Then what? What do you expect me to do? Nicky’s not going to listen to me. He’s not going to just give up everything he’s spent his whole life working for.” “You see no other options other than persuasion and murder?” “Like what?” “Like bringing him to justice, Eben. That is what we have laws for.” Eben couldn’t believe his ears. “Drop the dime on him? My own brother? What do you think I am?” “I think you are a man who has let his morality sleep for many years under the narcotic of a promise that never should have been extracted from you. But now you’ve awoken. You have an opportunity now, to do the right thing, for everyone. You may not get another.” Eben turned from him and walked out of the office. He went to the chapel of St. Mary. The Holy Virgin Mother stood in her alcove, her pale granite face bent in prayer. The bank of candles at her feet sent fingers of light and shadow across her, changing her expression from moment to moment, from peaceful to sorrowful, from joyous to wrathful. Eben knelt before her and bent his

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head over his clasped hands. “Holy Mary, Mother of God, hear my prayer. I’m lost. Help me find the truth. Give me the courage to recognize it when I see it, and the strength to act on it.” He knelt there a long time in the flickering light, waiting for some kind of sign or intervention, but nothing happened, and the riot of voices inside him only seemed to grow louder. “Save his immortal soul.” “Promise me that you will always protect each other and take care of each other.” “I don’t know if you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me or the worst.” They hounded him out of the chapel and onto the street. “It’s time for you to grow up, Eben.” “He worth what we pay for him?” “Don’t make me worry about you.” “When Irish Eyes are Smiling…” Eben grabbed his phone and opened it. “Nicky?” “Hey, how you doing?” All the other voices fell silent. There was just this one—the voice of the person who had been there for him his entire life. Where had Father Gonzalez been when Eben and Nicky were in juvie? Where was Rhonda when Eben had to fight every day to keep him and Nicky safe? Where was Shoe? How could Eben even think about listening to those other voices, when he had this one? This was the voice of the person who had gotten him out of that place, who had provided for him and guided him. “I’m good. How about you?” “Could be better. Fucking Jack Parker is back in Andrew Square.” “Fuck.” “I thought I told you to take care of it.” “I did take care of it. I thought I did.” “Yeah, well, this time make sure you do it in a way that can’t be undone.” Eben stopped walking. Nicky had never asked him to kill anyone before. “You’re twenty-one now. High time you started pulling your weight around here.”

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Eben still didn’t say anything. “What? You can’t keep your cherry forever.” Cold seeped in through Eben’s hands and feet, reaching for his heart with icy fingers. “I know.” “You’re too soft, Eben. Maybe I’ve protected you too much. Anyway, we can’t afford this shit. Word gets around Flannerys are soft, we’ll all wind up dead. O’Malleys need to be taught a lesson.” “Yeah. I know.” “We gonna have a problem?” “No. No problem.” “All right. Come by the Shillelagh when you’re done. I want a full report.” “Okay. I’ll see you later.” Eben hung up.

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Chapter Twelve Off the Rails

Jack Parker is a low-life scumbag drug dealer. He sells drugs to kids. He gets people like Shoe hooked. He deserves to die. Eben repeated those words to himself over and over again, all the way down to Andrew Square. By the time he’d gotten there, they’d just about drowned out Father Gonzalez’s voice. Souls. It was no use. He was going to hell, and so was Nicky and maybe Shoe too. At least they’d all be together. But Jack would be getting there a little sooner than the rest of them. Eben tucked the GLOCK in its shoulder holster. He walked down the street fast. That was the key. He’d do this fast. Jack wouldn’t suffer much, and what was more, Eben wouldn’t have time to waver. The sight of Jack sitting on the bench filled Eben with rage. Why couldn’t the motherfucker stay gone? This was his fault. He deserved to die. No one was on the street at the moment. The only sound was the distant clatter of the trains on the railway that skirted I-93. Eben walked up behind Jack. When he was a few feet away he drew the gun and aimed it at the back of Jack’s head. He stopped. Squeeze the trigger. He didn’t. Jack turned, saw him, and took off. Fuck. Eben tore after him. He chased Jack across the lot of D&D Towing. At the far end, a tenfoot chain-link fence stood between Jack and the wide expanse of broken concrete and Tree of Heaven that bordered the rail yard.

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Jack scrambled over it like a squirrel. Eben leaped after him, the links bending and squeaking under his weight. He scaled to the top, flipped over it, and dropped to the ground. By then, Jack had a good twenty-yard lead. He dodged in and out of the trees. The thought of what Nicky would say if Jack escaped fueled Eben as he ran across the litter- and weed-choked ground. He gained on Jack. Jack glanced behind and veered toward the tracks. The roar and rattle of the trains grew louder. A commuter train hurtled down the first track, and Jack put on a burst of speed. He leaped over the rails just before the train rushed by. Wind whipped Eben’s face and threw grit up to sting his eyes. “Fuck!” But Eben and Nicky had camped out in this rail yard for the first few months after they ran away from juvie. Eben knew it like the back of his hand. He knew that a service tunnel ran beneath the tracks fifty yards north of this spot. It connected with a nameless service road that would offer Jack a tempting route to the abandoned part of the rail yard where hundreds of empty boxcars offered refuge. It would be very hard for Eben to find Jack if he reached that area, but Eben didn’t plan on letting that happen. He sprinted for the underpass and plunged down it into the dank shadows, where his footsteps echoed like the cries of abandoned children. On the other side he stopped in the shelter of a support pillar. It was late afternoon, and the sun was bright. A shadow rippled over the weeds growing along the side of the service drive, about thirty yards away and getting closer. Eben crept toward the service drive, keeping in the shelter of the wall on the south side of the underpass. At the last possible minute, he put on a burst of speed and body tackled Jack, hurtling them both down onto the cracked and pitted asphalt. Jack’s yell cut off on impact, his breath leaving him in a great whoosh. Eben reared up and punched Jack in the neck. While he choked and gagged, Eben flipped him onto his belly and pinned him to the ground, holding his arms bent behind him with one hand. Eben took the gun from Jack’s waistband—a Saturday night special—and pressed his knee into the small of Jack’s back.

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“Please,” said Jack around labored gasps. He struggled, but when Eben cocked the revolver and held it to the base of his skull, he went still. Eben could only see his left eye, open so wide the white was visible all the way around the blue iris. “No. No, please. I’ll give you everything I’ve got. More. I’ll pay you out of Mike’s take, Eben. Please don’t kill me.” “Why the fuck couldn’t you stay gone, Jack?” “I had to come back. Mike made me. Look at me. He made what you did to me feel like a warm bath.” For the first time, Eben really looked at Jack. He had little scars all over his arms, his neck, his face. It looked like someone had worked him over with a soldering iron. “Jesus Christ.” “Mike’s not fucking around.” “That’s not my problem, is it?” Was it? What would Father Gonzalez say? “I had to do what he said. He wants Andrew Square. It’s not my fault.” Eben hit Jack on the back of the head with the butt of the gun. “Fuck you. Nothing is ever your fault, is it, you fucking junkie? Look at you. Look at what your life has become. And look at what you do to other people. You’re selling them poison.” “I know. I know. I’m sorry.” “You’re sorry now that there’s a gun to your head. Where was your sorry the last time you sold dope to a kid?” “I don’t sell to kids. I’d never do that.” “Fuck you, liar.” “No. No. It’s true. Honest. I got hooked when I was twelve. I’d never do that to someone else.” Eben thought of Shoe. What if instead of being turned out to whore, he’d been handed a bag of dope and told to sell it? Would some Eben somewhere be pushing his face in the ground and pointing a gun at his head right now? “Who hooked you?” “My older brother. Fucking prick got me high and made me suck his cock. I was twelve. Twelve!”

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Eben wanted to call him a liar, except that he’d known Jerry Parker. “That’s a real sad story, Jack, but your brother’s been dead for five years. What you been doing with your life since then?” Jack closed his eyes. “I know. You’re right. Nothing. I’ve wasted my life. I’ve thrown it away on drugs, and I’ve helped other people do the same. But not kids, Eben, I swear.” “I gotta do this, Jack. You had to know it was going to happen to you sooner or later.” “I should have, but that don’t make it any easier.” Jack bit his lips. “It ain’t easy for you either, I know that, and I’m sorry for putting you in this position.” “You should be.” Fucking shoot him already. What are you waiting for? “You ever think your life could be different?” “Yeah. Sometimes. You?” “Not until recently, and still…I want it to be different, but I don’t know what that would look like. I just know what I don’t want. I don’t want to be here in this rail yard about to kill you, for instance.” “You don’t have to be.” “Yeah, I do.” And he needed to get it over with already. This talking was getting him nowhere. “You really don’t, Eben. You always have a choice, right? Me too. We both have choices.” “Choices.” “You don’t want to kill me. And I don’t want to be a junkie dope peddler. What if you let me go, and I get out of town this time? Get on a bus and go out west. Start over, far away from Mike O’Malley. You can say you killed me and sank my body in the harbor. No one will know.” “You suggesting I lie to my brother?” “No. Just tell him you took care of it. You will have.” Jack was right. Eben didn’t want to kill him. He would have done it by now. But if Jack got out of town and stayed gone, it would be just as good. Right? “How do I know you’ll stay gone?”

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“You can put me on the bus yourself. One-way ticket. And once I’m out of here, why would I come back? Look at me. Look at what Mike did to me. Why would I come back?” Eben looked at the scars up and down Jack’s arms and neck and peeking out from beneath the collar of his shirt. He wasn’t going to kill Jack. If he were, he’d have done it right when he walked up to him at the bus stop. But this way, Nicky would still get what he needed anyway. “Okay.”

*** Eben put Jack on a bus to LA and then drove over the Shillelagh. Nicky was there, drinking with Paul and Bill. “Hey,” he said. “You take care of that thing I told you about?” “Yeah. I took care of it. We won’t be having that problem again.” Nicky stood and clapped him on the back. “That’s my boy! Sit down. You deserve a drink.” Eben nodded and took a seat. He supposed his somber mood fit for someone who’d just killed a guy for the first time. “First one’s the roughest, Eben,” said Paul. “You’ll get used to it.” Eben’s stomach turned. He didn’t want to get used to it. He didn’t want to get used to deceiving his brother either. He didn’t say anything. “Where the fuck is Sean anyway?” asked Bill. “Wasn’t he supposed to be meeting us here?” “I don’t know. Haven’t seen him all afternoon,” said Paul. Nicky poured a shot of whiskey and set it down in front of Eben, who drank it in one swallow. “Another?” Eben nodded.

*** Eben left the Shillelagh as soon as it was inconspicuous to do so, but by then it was eight p.m., and he’d had four shots and four beers. He needed to see Shoe, at least just to find out how he was doing. There didn’t need to be any other reason.

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Eben ran in to Jimmy in the hallway. “Hey, Ebenezer.” “Fuck you, Jimmy. Lissen.” He stopped Jimmy with a hand on his shoulder. Jimmy shrugged him off. “What do you want?” “Those people you sent Shoe to last night were assholes. Don’t send him back there again.” Jimmy leaned back and looked Eben up and down as if he couldn’t believe his eyes. “What, you’re his pimp now? Just because you’re fucking him doesn’t mean you can tell me where to send him and who else he can fuck.” Uh-oh. What? “What the fuck are you talking about?” “You know. I didn’t want to say anything out of respect for Nicky, but I saw the two of you during that lap dance, and you weren’t that drunk.” Why couldn’t Nicky tell me to kill you? Jimmy clapped Eben on the shoulder and headed on down to the elevators. “Enjoy yourself. Just remember to leave some for the rest of the tricks.” Eben caught up with him in two swift strides. He grabbed Jimmy by the neck and shoved him up against the wall. Caught off guard, Jimmy flailed for a moment. Then he struck Eben on the side of the head, but Eben was too drunk to really feel it. Eben kept his hands on Jimmy’s windpipe and squeezed. “I made my first kill today.” He could lie to Jimmy. “No reason at all why you shouldn’t be my next.” Jimmy snarled and shifted his weight. Eben stepped to the side, avoiding Jimmy’s knee. He pulled Jimmy away from the wall and slammed him back into it again. Jimmy’s face turned red. He hit out at Eben again, but it was weak, wild. He made a rattling sound. Eben kneed him in the groin and released him. Jimmy slid to the floor, where he lay in a ball, coughing.

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“Next time you want to tell lies about me, you better remember who’s fucking brother I am. I’m a Flannery, and I’ll see you dead before I tolerate your bullshit, you perverted old woman.” He knelt down beside Jimmy. He held the back of Jimmy’s head with one hand and pressed his thumb to the side of Jimmy’s eye. He leaned in close. “And don’t you even think about taking this out on Shoe, because if you do, you’ll wish you were dead.” He left Jimmy there in the hallway and went on to 2301.

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Chapter Thirteen Broken

Lei pou! It wasn’t a Tuesday. There was no reason to expect Eben to come over today. No reason to expect him to come back at all. But that didn’t stop Xiu from looking from the clock to the door to the clock again, all afternoon and evening. He took out his little piece of paper, unfolded it, and stared at that one red hair, gleaming like a strand of rubies. Eben was here when I really needed him. That’s all that matters. It’s enough. It is. There was a knock on the door. Xiu jumped and dropped the paper. He fell to his knees, searching for Eben’s hair. Look at you. Pathetic. Light from the lamp gleamed in something red. Xiu picked up Eben’s hair and placed it back inside its little paper home. He folded it up and jammed it back in his pocket before running to answer the door. Eben stood on the other side. The smell of whiskey rolled off him like the fish smell of the harbor on a windy day. He had scuff marks on his leather coat and a rip in his shirt. Eben’s expression reminded Xiu of the way he’d felt last night after his session with the bukkake guys. “Come in.” Xiu took Eben by the wrist, drew him inside, shut the door, and led him over to the couch. “Sit, please.” Eben obeyed Xiu in silence. He stared at the carpet between his feet. “I’ll get you something.” Xiu went into the kitchen and poured a mug of cold coffee with milk. Before, Rhonda always threw whatever she didn’t drink away, but now, Xiu kept it in a pitcher, already mixed with milk, the way Eben liked it. He brought Eben the coffee and sat down beside him. “What has happened?” Eben held the mug in both hands. He stared into it. “Nicky told me to kill a guy today.”

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Xiu didn’t know what to say. If it were any of Nicky’s other guys, the only surprise would be that it hadn’t happened already. But this was Eben, and Eben wasn’t like anyone else. The thought of him killing someone seemed a crime not only against the laws of humanity, but of nature. For the first time, Xiu wondered how Eben had managed to remain so innocent in the midst of so much evil. “What did you do?” Eben tore his gaze from his coffee and stared at Xiu. Fear lit his eyes. He glanced around the room, then leaned over. Xiu leaned closer too. Eben whispered in his ear. “I didn’t do it, but Nicky thinks I did.” Xiu sat back, his mouth open. “My own brother. I’m lying to him. Maybe not in words, but it’s the same thing.” “Who were you supposed to…?” “Jack Parker.” Eben set his coffee down. He wrapped his arms around his chest and tucked his hands in his armpits. “He’s nobody. A low-life. Someone who helps people like you get hooked on stuff that’s really bad for them. But I just…I just…” He trembled. “I couldn’t do it. I know sooner or later I’m going to have to, but—oh, Shoe. I don’t want to kill nobody.” Xiu had nothing to say. He pulled Eben into his arms and held him tight. On the one hand, he was glad Eben hadn’t murdered that man, for Eben’s sake, most of all. But on the other, Eben had gone against his brother, and family was everything. Eben seemed to read Xiu’s thoughts. “If Nicky ever finds out…” “What happened to him, this Jack Parker?” “I put him on a bus to LA.” “Can you trust him not to come back?” “Probably not. He’s a junkie. Oh. Sorry.” “No. Don’t be. You’re right not to trust him.” “I trust you.”

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He must, if he would tell Xiu such a thing. Something tore itself free from Xiu’s heart. It hurt. “I would rather endure a thousand years of withdrawal than allow you to come to harm, Eben Flannery. And if I could, I would do your killing for you.” Eben pulled back and looked at him. Xiu blushed. Such a grand speech. But he meant it. It was crazy. He was crazy, but by the spirits of his ancestors, he meant every word. Not knowing what else to do, he bowed. Eben grasped his shoulders, pulled him up, and gazed into his eyes. “I don’t want you killing anyone either.” “I’ve never even fired a gun, but I would. I’m already…already…” The word he was trying to get out was “ruined,” but staring into Eben’s wide, beautiful, innocent blue eyes, he couldn’t bring himself to use it. “You shouldn’t have to do it. You’re such a good man.” Eben frowned and looked away. “No, I’m not.” “I think you are.” He shook his head. “Remember that day I picked you up at the airport?” “Of course.” “You kept asking me about my hands.” “They looked so painful.” “‘Cause I was out at Happy Hollow the night before. It’s an old pig farm in the country where Nicky takes people when they’re not coming back but he wants to take his time about it. I busted my hands up beating on Roy Murphy all night long. Nicky said he was talking to the feds, but now I don’t think he was.” Eben bit his lips and then went on. “And the truth is, I didn’t really believe it then either. I just did what Nicky said because it was easier than fighting him about it. That’s what I always do—just whatever Nicky tells me. I’m not a good man, Shoe.” “But you’re not doing what Nicky told you this time.” “Yeah, and that makes me a traitor, which is even worse.” Poor Eben. He doesn’t deserve this. “You know what I think?” “What?”

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“I think we were both good people once, and then things happened, and we got broken. But I don’t care. Thug, traitor, I don’t care what you are, Eben Flannery. I’m just glad we’re together. I feel safe when I’m with you. That’s all that matters to me.”

*** Shoe’s words transformed Eben’s fear and guilt into incandescent longing. If that was true, then there was at least one good thing Eben could do in this broken life of his. “You are safe,” he said in a rush, gathering Shoe in his arms. “I won’t let no one hurt you. Not ever. I promise.” He bent his face to Shoe’s. Shoe looked up. Their lips met, a moment of softness safe from the hard world. Shoe’s breath caressed his cheek. Eben closed his eyes. He was floating. “What the fuck is this?” Nicky’s voice hit him like a bucket of ice water. Eben jerked away from Shoe and scrambled backward across the couch. Nicky stood in middle of the room, staring at him, his eyes wide and his mouth hanging open. He looked like a cartoon. But there was nothing funny about this. “Nicky. No. Nicky.” How long had Eben feared this moment? Ever since that day in juvie when he’d seen Sam Dooley changing his shirt and felt that way he knew he wasn’t supposed to feel about another boy. Eben wrapped his arms around his ribs and waited to see what Nicky would do to him. “You…and him?” Nicky jerked his chin at Shoe but barely glanced at him. He kept staring at Eben as if Eben were a ten-foot-tall chicken. “You a fag, Eben?” “No Nicky! I…” He looked at Shoe and then back at Nicky again. “I…” Nicky shook his head. “Don’t try to tell me you ain’t no fag when I just seen you kissing another guy!” Nicky crossed the room and stood over Eben. “Jesus, look at you. It’s a blessing Ma and Da are dead. At least they don’t have to see this.” Nicky’s face blurred. No. He wasn’t going to cry. “Don’t say that. Don’t say it’s good they’re dead.” “Why not? The shame would have killed them anyway.”

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Nicky’s words were a fist squeezing Eben’s heart. “I’m sorry.” Was he, really? “Sorry?” Nicky’s laugh was harsh and humorless. “That’s a good one. Not sorry enough. You got no idea what I been through today on account of you. None. And then I get back here, and Jimmy’s beat to shit, and I find you locking lips with the man whore. Jesus, Mary, and Joseph! You know what kind of shit you’d be in if anybody besides me caught you like this?” Eben didn’t answer. “So what the fuck was that about with Jimmy anyhow?” “Nothing. He pissed me off. He come crying to you about it? Typical.” “Don’t try to change the subject.” Eben didn’t point out that Nicky was the one who’d changed it. Nicky ran one hand through his hair and started to pace. “Jesus Christ. My own brother’s a queer. You been this way all along, Eben, or”—he stopped and stood over Shoe, who was very quiet on the other side of the couch—“or did this whore do this to you?” Shoe kept his eyes down. He didn’t move. Eben stood. “It’s not Shoe’s fault. I been gay all my life.” Nicky looked back at Eben. His eyes were slits, and he crossed his arms over his chest. “So you been pulling the wool over my eyes all these years then. You ever been honest with me, even once?” The truth about Jack Parker filled Eben’s mouth like a clump of wet concrete. But they weren’t talking about Jack. “I couldn’t tell you. You know I couldn’t.” Nicky flared his nostrils. A muscle in his jaw jumped. “What about Rhonda and them? They’re always saying what a machine you are. They lying to me too?” Uh-oh. “They’re not lying. I just—I just think about guys when I do ’em, that’s all.” Nicky looked like he’d just sucked down a carton of sour milk. “Jesus!” He went back to pacing. “I can’t fucking believe this. After all I done for you. Protected you, took care of you.” “You been a good brother to me.” “I’ve been a good brother to a fucking fag! Who else knows about this?”

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“Nobody. Well—Jimmy suspects. He said something to me when I was on my way here. That’s why I beat the shit out of him.” Nicky lifted his hands up as if begging God for guidance. Then he picked up the lamp from the end table and threw it into the wall. It shattered on impact, and the base left a dent. “Fuck!” “Nicky. He won’t—” “Fuck!” “Jimmy’s not gonna say anythi—” “And I’m the one’s gotta make sure he don’t. Jesus Christ, Eben. What the fuck are you trying to do to me? And you—” In an eye blink Nicky crossed the room and grabbed Shoe by the hair. He bent Shoe’s head back so Shoe had to look at him. “What’s your angle, huh? You think you can gain some kind of advantage by seducing my little brother? You’re going to find out how wrong you are.” “It’s not Shoe’s fault. It’s mine. I made him—” “Uh-uh. Gay or not, you had no problems keeping it under wraps until this little whore started batting his eyes at you.” Eben moved closer. “Nicky, let him go.” Sudden silence filled the room with knives. Nicky turned and looked at Eben. “You’re telling me what to do?” Eben held Nicky’s gaze. “I don’t even know you anymore, Eben.” Nicky looked back at Shoe. “And it’s all your fault. You did this to him.” He raised his fist. Shoe didn’t make a sound. He squeezed his eyes shut. “I’ll do what Nicky tells me. I promise, Ma.” “I won’t let no one hurt you. Not ever.” One moment Eben hung suspended between those two promises, and in the next he found himself standing between Nicky and Shoe, Nicky’s upraised fist gripped in his hand. He didn’t remember moving. “Let him go.”

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Nicky’s face was inches from his. The whites showed all the way around his eyes. “Are you fucking kidding me?” He still had hold of Shoe, who had yet to make a single sound. Eben grabbed Nicky’s thumb on the hand that gripped Shoe by the hair. He pulled it back against the joint. Nicky gasped and let go. Eben used his grip on Nicky’s wrist to push him back a step and then released him. “No. Not kidding.” Nicky slapped Eben across the face. Eben let his head whip around so it looked like Nicky had hit him a lot harder than he really had. It also gave him a chance to mouth the word Go to Shoe without Nicky seeing. His cheek stinging, Eben turned back to Nicky. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Shoe get up and slip away toward the bedrooms. He watched Nicky watch Shoe go. He needed to get Nicky’s attention. “This is no good, you and me fighting. We made a promise to Ma, remember?” Nicky looked back at him. “You’re gonna remind me of that? After what you done?” “What have I done?” “How do I know what you done? You kept this a secret from me your whole fucking life. What else you been hiding?” “You know I’m not smart enough to lie to you. I never told you I was gay ’cause, well, look at how you took it. I didn’t want you to hate me. You’re my brother.” Nicky folded his arms across his chest and glared at Eben. He turned from him and paced the floor. “Fuck. Fuckity fuck! What the fuck am I supposed to do now? Huh? My own fucking brother, a queer.” “You don’t gotta do nothing.” “That mean you gonna cut it out?” “What?” “Stop.” “Being gay?”

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“Yeah.” “I can’t do that. It doesn’t work that way.” Nicky paused in his pacing and stared at Eben. It felt like they stood there looking at each other for about five hundred years, and then, suddenly, it was over. Nicky turned and flopped down on the couch. He ran a hand through his hair. “You’re one of a kind, Eben. I swear. I can never figure out if I protect you too much or not enough.” Eben didn’t know what to say. “You should have told me. A long time ago.” “I didn’t want you to hate me.” Nicky dropped his hand to his side. He looked tired. “I don’t hate you, bro.” Eben’s heart lightened a little. “You don’t?” “Nah. It was a shock at first, but the truth is I don’t give a shit who you like to fuck. I mean, I give a shit because if word gets out, you’d be ruined in this business, and if our guys ever found out, I’d have to protect you from them, but…the thing itself? You being queer?” He paused as if considering it, then shrugged. “Meh.” Eben sat down on the couch before his knees gave way. “Thanks. I always thought you’d hate me.” “You’re my brother. How could I hate you?” Eben wanted to hug Nicky, but he didn’t push his luck. “You’re the best brother in the whole world.” Nicky smiled, then rubbed his face. “So why are you making my life so difficult, chasing after this whore? After all this time of you sucking dick on the sly or whatever it is you do—” “I don’t—” Nicky held up one hand. “Don’t tell me. I don’t need no details. Just… You been getting away with it all this time. Why be so reckless now? Someone right in our organization. Doing it right here in the hotel even? It’s crazy Eben. What are you doing?” “I don’t know what I’m doing. But…the reason I never got caught before is that I never did anything before.”

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Nicky stared at him a moment like he hadn’t really heard Eben. Then his eyebrows drew together. “Wait. What?” Eben held his hands out. Nicky leaned over. “You mean Schoolboy’s the first guy you’ve ever fucked?” Eben shook his head. “We didn’t get that far.” Nicky raised his eyebrows. “You’re a fag virgin.” Virgin virgin. But Eben didn’t say anything. Nicky started laughing. “I need a drink.” He got up and went into the kitchen and got down Rhonda’s bottle of scotch and a couple of glasses. He was still laughing when he came back with them. “Fuck. I got more experience with guys than you do!” Eben accepted a glass and laughed with Nicky. He didn’t need any more to drink tonight, but he wasn’t going to risk Nicky’s mood by refusing. Never in a million years would he have expected this reaction, and he was reminded of just how much Nicky loved him, even if he didn’t always show it. Nicky took a long swallow. “Jesus. So all this time you just been…gay in your head, and then all of a sudden you decide to start screwing around under everybody’s nose. Oh!” Nicky raised one hand. “I get it. You made your first kill today.” Eben bent his head and stared at the scotch in his glass, hoping Nicky would take that for a nod. Heaviness crept back into his heart. “No wonder. You’re a man now, and you wanted to—Right. Yeah, but listen. You can’t carry on like this. Not here. I mean Jesus Christ. Rhonda could walk in at any moment.” “I know. I’m sorry. And I’m sorry I didn’t tell you in the first place. I just—” Nicky waved a hand. “Forget it. Who could blame you? But I appreciate you keeping it in your pants all this time, bro. I mean fuck, if I had to go without pussy for years on end and just content myself with some guy’s mouth… That’s…” He shuddered. “That’s a big thing you did for my sake and for the sake of the Flannery name. And you did another big thing for me today too, and I ain’t forgotten that. I know you didn’t want to, but you did it anyway.” Nicky stopped and looked him in the eyes. Don’t look away. Don’t look away.

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“So I’m going to do another big thing for you.” Nicky finished his drink and stood up. “Take him. Go fuck his brains out. But you can’t do it here. And after tonight, it’s back to business. You gotta leave him alone. And you can’t get caught with no other guys either. You understand that, right?” Eben felt like he was far away, watching this happen. “Yeah. Thank you.” “You’re my brother. I’d do anything for you.” Nicky grabbed Eben and hugged him so hard it squeezed the breath out of him. Then Nicky released him and shoved him in the shoulder. “Idiot.” Nicky chuckled, then went out and shut the door behind him. Eben sat there a moment, numb with relief. He’d always known Nicky loved him, but he’d never fully comprehended what that meant before now. To revive himself he took a sip of the scotch Nicky had poured; then he got up to go tell Shoe the good news. Eben found him in the hallway with his back to the wall, white as a sheet and holding Jack Parker’s gun in one hand. “Shoe.” As if Eben’s voice broke him out of some kind of spell, Shoe started and threw his arms around Eben. “I heard everything.” He squeezed Eben with surprising strength. “I can’t believe it.” Eben hugged him back. “Me neither.” He reached behind him and grasped Shoe’s hand holding the gun. He leaned back and looked down at Shoe with a raised eyebrow. Shoe handed the gun to him butt first. “I felt it in your coat when we were making out. When you told me to leave I didn’t know what was going to happen, so I took it and I waited. In case he tried to hurt you.” Eben felt like his heart was about to burst. First Nicky, being so understanding, and now this. “Oh Shoe. Shoe!” He gathered him up and kissed him again until they were both breathless. “Let’s get out of here.”

*** When Eben stopped Nicky from hitting him, something wild and new had entered Xiu’s heart. Despite his fear for Eben, that feeling grew the entire time he hid in the hallway with the revolver in his hand. By the time Eben found him waiting there, it had filled his whole body, and he felt like he could float away.

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They left separately, Eben first, and then Xiu. All the way down in the elevator, Xiu practiced what he’d say if Jimmy or Rhonda or Nicky crossed paths with him on the way to Eben’s car. If it was at the lobby or any of the aboveground floors, he’d say I’m going out to get a candy bar. And if it was in the parking garage, he’d say, A client called at the last minute, and Eben’s driving me. That free, lighter-than-air feeling made it hard to maintain an appropriately bored expression. And then the elevator doors opened on the parking level, and there was Eben’s car, with Eben in it. Xiu’s feet grew wings, and he ran, grinning like a paper tiger. He opened the door and slid across the seat. Eben lifted one arm, and Xiu leaned against him, and they drove out of the parking garage and down the road.

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Chapter Fourteen Finally

Xiu wasn’t sure what he expected Eben’s apartment to look like, but he was surprised by what he saw. It was neat, orderly, and filled with midcentury modern furnishings. A small galley kitchen stood to the left of the door, opposite a hallway that probably led to the bedroom and the bathroom. Beyond the kitchen was the living room. A lime green area rug softened the linoleum flooring. On top of it sat an aqua blue sofa and a blond pine coffee table. Behind them, a sliding glass door led out onto a patio. As soon as the door was shut, Xiu turned. He wrapped his arms around Eben. He arched up. Eben held him close. Xiu pressed his lips to Eben’s. The soft sigh that escaped Eben made Xiu’s body tighten. The thought of Eben fucking him made him want to rip off all his clothes and leap into the nearest bed. And why not? What was the purpose of this if not to give them the privacy to do whatever they wanted with each other? He broke their kiss. “Where is your bedroom?” “Oh! Down there, but it’s—” Xiu grabbed Eben’s hand and pulled him along, the plastic bag from CVS with the condoms he’d made Eben buy bumping against his leg.

*** If Eben had anticipated this turn of events, he would have picked up a bit around the apartment. But then again, the last time he’d been here was two days ago. A very full two days ago.

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They walked into the bedroom, and there was his yaoi collection lying scattered among the rumpled sheets of his bed. “Oh shit, hang on.” He darted past Shoe and started gathering the books up. But Shoe followed him. He plucked X-Kai, Assassin Florist #2 from beneath Eben’s pillow and flipped through it with a smile. “Yaoi.” Eben froze. His face got hot, and he knew he was blushing. He stared at his shoes. “I’m sorry. I was curious about what kind of porn you wanted to hide from me, but I shouldn’t have pried.” Eben forced himself to look at Shoe. “Do you want me to take you back now?” “What?” “Well, now that you’ve seen…” Shoe’s dimple winked at Eben. “That you have a thing for pretty Asian boys? I hope you do. I have a thing for big, red-headed Irishmen. If there were a genre of literature devoted to them, I’d have a closet full of it.” Eben sucked in a breath. Whipsawed between shame and relief, with the knowledge that they only had this one night together lurking in the back of his mind, he teetered on the brink of tears until the absurdity of the whole situation collapsed in upon him and he started to laugh.

*** Eben was an endless source of surprises. Yaoi. But then, when Xiu thought about it, it wasn’t so strange. “Maybe you like yaoi because the stories are romantic.” “Yes! That’s it. It’s not just porno.” He came forward and laid a hand on the top book. “They’re in love.” Love. Did Xiu even know what that meant? All he knew was that he wanted Eben Flannery more than he’d ever wanted anyone or anything. He couldn’t stop thinking about him. And being with Eben made him feel like he used to feel, before Uncle Lao and the Kuo Brothers, when he was still in school, looking forward to becoming a doctor one day.

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Those dreams might be dead and gone now, but at least when he was with Eben, he didn’t feel like an idiot just for having them. He took a step closer, close enough to feel Eben’s body heat. He unbuttoned his own collar. Eben put his hands on Xiu’s. “Can I do it?” “You want to undress me?” Pleasure curled through him at the thought, like a cat settling in for a nap in the sun. “Okay.” Eben removed Xiu’s clothing as if he were unwrapping a precious gift. He pulled Xiu’s shirt off and stroked his arms. His touch sent little tingles coursing through Xiu’s body. Xiu closed his eyes to focus on the warmth of Eben’s hands. They stroked his chest and then moved to Xiu’s waistband. Eben’s breath blew over Xiu’s shoulder in rapid gusts as he unfastened the button of the fly. Eben drew down the zipper. A wordless whisper floated past Xiu’s ears as his cock, already hard, sprang out and tented the front of his underpants. Eben ran his palm down the cloth-shrouded length. The tingles Xiu felt earlier became sparks. His breath quickened. More delicately than he would have thought possible, Eben drew Xiu’s underwear down over his hips. He unhooked the fabric from Xiu’s cock and slipped them down his legs. “Oh, Shoe.” Eben’s breath caressed Xiu’s chest, then his belly. Xiu opened his eyes to find Eben kneeling, looking up at him with shining eyes and reddened cheeks. The heat from Xiu’s arousal was so intense, he almost thought it could be the cause of Eben’s flushed face. Xiu swallowed. He didn’t know what to say. Nothing in life had prepared him for the look of tender adoration in Eben’s eyes. While Xiu was still searching for something to say, Eben reached up and ran one finger down the length of his cock. It throbbed at the touch. Xiu caught his breath. He thrust forward, hungry for more. Still watching his face as if it held the keys to the universe, Eben wrapped his fingers around Xiu’s length and began to stroke. “Ah!” Xiu arched his back. “Eben!” “Good?”

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Xiu fought past the pounding need Eben’s touch ignited in him and nodded. Coherent speech was impossible now. Eben’s stroking electrified every nerve in Xiu’s body. He reached down and braced himself on Eben’s shoulders. His fingers explored the tightly corded muscles. How could anyone be so powerful and so gentle at the same time? Eben leaned in closer. The warmth of his breath caressed Xiu’s shaft. Ripples of delight crested over Xiu, like thousands of little bubbles, gathering and bursting. Then the hot wetness of Eben’s tongue stroked him from root to tip. Xiu curled his toes. He watched, dumbstruck, as Eben lowered his mouth over the head of his cock. Wet heat and suction conspired to send Xiu on a journey of sensation. His cock was so hard, so full. The sweet ache made his balls tighten and sent a shiver of ecstasy racing up his spine. One hand firmly grasping the base of Xiu’s cock, Eben stroked the rest with his lips and tongue. Every gliding caress sent more shivers directly to the base of Xiu’s brain, where they bounced back down to his balls and radiated outward. His hands and feet tingled. His skin felt alive to every current of air. His balls drew up. Every sensation fed into the growing need in the pit of his stomach. He was going to come, but he didn’t want to. Not yet. He reached down and cupped Eben’s face. He ran a thumb across the bristly cheek. “Eben.” He was so beautiful. His eyelids lowered, his long red lashes standing out against his pale skin, his pink lips sealed around Xiu’s length. “Eben.” His eyelids fluttered open. Guileless blue eyes stared up at Xiu. “Please, stop.” Eben pulled off him with a popping sound. “Am I doing it wrong?” His stricken expression made Xiu’s heart ache. “No! Not at all. In fact, you almost made me come, and…” He drew Eben up and embraced him. In his ear he whispered. “I want you inside me when that happens.” “Oh!” Eben drew back and looked at him. “You want me to…to…”

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“Yes. I want you. I want you to take me.” Eben flushed all over again. “Oh. Oh. Uh. Okay.” “That is, if you want to?” “No. I do. I do.” “Good.” Xiu walked Eben backward until they reached the bed. He pushed Eben down onto the mattress and started undressing him. First he unbuttoned Eben’s shirt and slid it down over his massive shoulders. Xiu took a moment to run his hands over the muscles bunched there like boulders at the foot of a hillside. Even through the T-shirt, he could feel their power. Being so close to so much raw power and at the same time feeling totally safe made Xiu’s head swim. He was hooked on it. He pulled Eben’s T-shirt off and explored the majestic expanse of his chest. Eben’s thick mat of red curls was springy and soft. It tickled his fingers. He burrowed through the hair in search of Eben’s nipples. When he found the first pink nub and rubbed it, Eben gave a little gasp and then breathed out a long sigh. Xiu found the other one and worked them both, watching red patches appear on Eben’s face, neck, and chest. Eben whimpered, and it made Xiu’s cock pulse. Xiu bent and pressed his naked chest to Eben’s, savoring the contrasting textures of hair and skin. He tongued Eben’s nipple and sealed his lips around it, sucking. Eben put his arms around Xiu and held him close. He brushed his cheek across Xiu’s hair and rested his face against Xiu’s head. Xiu closed his eyes. He felt like he was rocking on the gentle waves of a warm ocean. When he was in Eben’s arms, nothing bad could happen to him. His cock reminded him that they were in the middle of something here. It pressed up against Eben’s thigh. Eben’s own prodigious hard-on nudged Xiu’s belly and ignited a spark of excitement in the pit of Xiu’s stomach. Xiu licked and sucked Eben’s other nipple, then sat back on his haunches, straddling Eben’s thighs.

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Eben ran his hands down Xiu’s arms and then lay back, watching him. Xiu unbuttoned Eben’s jeans and pulled down the zipper. He rose up on his knees and dragged Eben’s jeans down over his hips. Eben wore boxers. His cock poked up through the fly. It was big and wide, dusky rose with a slight curve to the left. Xiu was so excited, his hand trembled as he stroked his palm down the firm, silken length. Eben’s chest heaved, and his lips parted. “Shoe,” he whispered. “I’m…” Xiu didn’t wait to find out the rest of what Eben was trying to tell him. He pulled Eben’s underwear down and dipped forward to run his cheek over the warm, velvety skin of Eben’s cock. “Jesus! Shoe! I—” Xiu reached down to fondle Eben’s balls. The skin there was already pebbled and tight. The feel of it made Xiu’s balls tighten too. Eben was babbling. “Shoe, I have to tell you—This is—I—” “Shh.” Xiu slid down beside him and kissed him to quell his panic. “It’s okay. I’ve got condoms, remember?” He dragged the CVS bag over with his foot and took out the box. He tore it open and took out a foil packet, ripped it open, and took out the latex sheath. Slowly, he began to roll it over Eben’s big cock. Eben still looked panicked. “I have to tell you something.” He had a disease. Well, that was what the condoms were for, right? Xiu had been determined to get them for Eben’s protection, but if it were the other way around, what difference did it make? “I’ve never done it before.” “I know. I heard you tell Nicky. You’ve never been with a guy. That’s okay.” Eben’s face turned bright scarlet. “I mean with anybody.” Xiu stopped rolling the condom down Eben’s cock. “You’re a virgin?” Eben nodded.

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A confusing mix of emotions rose up in Xiu at the revelation. Part of him wanted to laugh out loud at the irony, but he quickly stifled the impulse. Poor Eben would think he was laughing at him. Bitter humor quickly succumbed to tenderness and then shame. He touched Eben’s chin, turning his face until their eyes met. “That is a beautiful gift you wish to give me. But I am not worthy to accept it.” “What? Why?” He deserved so much better for his first time than a whore. “Because I cannot return it.” Eben looked relieved. “Oh. That’s okay. It’s better if one of us has some experience, don’t you think?” No. Xiu did not think. “Rhonda and the other girls… You never…?” “Oh. Yeah. No. Those stories they tell about me are just to keep Nicky and them off my back. We never actually do anything.” “Because you like men.” “Yeah. That and…” “And?” “Well, you know… I mean even if I did like women, those girls are professionals.” Something died inside Xiu. “Yeah.” “It’s a job for them. It’s not… Well, it’s not the way I want it to be. I could have gone to some gay club way out of town too. I could have gotten a…a hookup. But that’s not what I want. I want it to be special.” He cupped the side of Xiu’s face. “I want it to be with someone special.” “I’m sorry.” “Sorry?” “I’m not special.” “But you are!” Anger sparked to life in Xiu’s chest. “I’m a jìnǚ!” Eben scowled. “Don’t use that word about yourself.” “Why not? It’s true. I’m a used-up junkie whore who can be had by anyone with an ounce of heroin or the cash to pay for it.”

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“I don’t care about any of that.” “But you should. If you’ve been saving yourself, it’s not for me. I don’t deserve—” Eben pulled Xiu close. He crushed Xiu to his chest with his powerful arms. “Stop it. No more of that talk. You told me what happened to you, how you got into this life. You never chose it. Have you…have you ever been with someone you chose yourself?” Xiu flared his nostrils. He shook his head. “Well, then.” Eben kissed the top of Xiu’s head. “I guess we’re both virgins.” Leave it to Eben to put it that way. Xiu barked out a sound that was half laugh, half sob. “You have an unusual way of looking at things.” “Yeah? That good or bad?” Some perverse part of Xiu wanted to argue with Eben’s logic. Maybe he was just angry that Eben couldn’t be his first. But Eben didn’t seem to mind, and there were other more important things than Xiu’s absurd pride. Like Eben. Jack Parker was still out there somewhere, and if Nicky found out he was still alive, who knew what he might do? Even under the best of circumstances, Xiu and Eben would never have more than this one night together. It would be worse than foolish to let it be ruined by things neither of them could change. Xiu twisted in his arms and peered up at him, smiling. “I like it.” Eben broke into a grin, and then both smile and grin were swallowed by their kiss. Their mouths melded, and they drank in each other’s longing. Bodies pressed together, their flagging erections revived. “I want you so bad,” said Xiu when they stopped for air. “Please, Eben.” Eben’s face and chest were mottled with the sex blush. His eyes glittered. “Show me what to do.” Xiu took the bottle of lube from the CVS bag and squeezed some out on Eben’s hand. He raised up on his knees and guided Eben’s hand to the cleft of his ass. He pressed Eben’s slick fingers to his hole, smearing it with lube. “Circles around the outside at first,” he said, showing Eben the way he liked best to be prepared. Eben’s breath puffed out against Xiu’s cheek. He flexed his hips, and his big cock bumped against the inside of Xiu’s thigh. It made Xiu’s own cock leap.

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Meanwhile, Eben’s fingers had already picked up the dance of seduction. Xiu’s muscles relaxed, and warmth spread though his body. “Now one finger,” said Xiu, selecting Eben’s thick middle digit and sliding it into his tight heat. The gentle intrusion sent a molten shiver of need deep within. “And glide back and forth.” Eben’s firm touch made every hair on Xiu’s body quiver. He’d had so many different kinds of sex, but he’d never experienced anything like this before. Part of him just sat back and marveled at what was happening. It was all just exactly the way he liked it. The sweet spot hidden within Xiu’s body started pulsing in time with the throbbing of his cock. “It feels different now,” said Eben. “I mean, you do, your body…” “That’s because you’ve made my muscles relax. Now, another finger.” Eben slid his index finger into Xiu’s body and continued to stroke. The added width only teased Xiu now. He wanted Eben’s cock. He wasn’t used to taking this much time, but… “You can scissor them, like this.” He showed Eben with his free hand. Eben moved his fingers, and a fluttering sensation filled Xiu, like he was filled with butterflies. “Cing jan! Bat zi gei song! “ “Good?” “Hai. Yes.” He was breathing hard already, and they hadn’t even done anything. “Are you ready?” Eben nodded. His face was flushed too. “Just… Tell me if I’m doing it wrong. Please. I don’t want to hurt you.” Xiu grinned. “You can’t hurt me.” Eben seemed about to say something else, but when Xiu reached back and grasped his cock, he groaned instead. “Here now,” said Xiu, nestling the head of Eben’s cock against his hole. “Nice and slow.” Eben gazed into Xiu’s eyes the entire time Xiu sank down onto him. Xiu wasn’t sure which was more intense, Eben’s cock opening him and filling him, or Eben’s gaze looking at him with such tenderness. Between the two of them, Xiu was nearly undone, and they hadn’t even started to fuck yet. He closed his eyes and rested his head against Eben’s cheek. His cock, trapped between their bodies, leaked precum.

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*** The feeling of Shoe’s silken heat enveloping him was the most amazing thing he’d ever felt in his life. The fact that he could tell Shoe was enjoying it just as much made Eben’s heart as full and tight as his cock. Once Shoe had sunk down to the root, he leaned forward and rested his head against Eben. For a moment they didn’t move. Eben felt Shoe everywhere, around him, against him. He felt the dampness of Shoe’s leaking cock and smelled the musk of his sweat. He ran one hand up Shoe’s body, from flank to shoulder and then down again. Then Shoe started to move. He flexed his hips, lifting up off Eben’s cock and then sinking back down. The friction made tingles skate all over Eben’s skin. Shoe gasped and did it again. “Ling jan ging kei! “ His eyes were closed, but he’d thrown his head back. A blissful expression made him even more beautiful than usual. Eben moaned as Shoe’s tight body stroked him. The tingling feelings coalesced at the base of his balls. His cock throbbed with need. The next time Shoe sank down, Eben matched his movement and thrust up to meet him. “Hai! Hai!” Shoe grabbed Eben’s hands and placed them on his hips. “Do it. Fuck me!” Shoe’s rhythm had Eben in its grip now too. They moved together like waves in the ocean, rising and falling, pounding and rolling. And every touch, every move, every moan sent more delicious tingles coursing through his body and gathering in the pit of his belly. All he wanted to do was keep sliding deep into Shoe’s velvet warmth. Keep watching Shoe arch his back and rock, eyes closed and mouth open in abandoned rapture. He couldn’t get enough.

*** Xiu had never felt this way before. Not when he was high, not ever. Eben’s big, hard cock touched him just exactly the way he’d always wanted. They moved together as if they had one mind. The slow, steady pace let ripples of joy fill him with every move Eben made. Pleasure just built and built, and every time Xiu thought his cock couldn’t get harder, it did. But it was the way Eben stroked his skin and looked up at him with that sweet, sweet smile of his that really drove Xiu wild. He threw his head back and abandoned himself to

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this…whatever it was. It wasn’t just sex. It was so much more than that. They were connected. Together. It went on and on, with no beginning and no end. No Xiu and no Eben. Nothing but this spiraling tower of joy taking them higher and higher, all the way to…to… Eben took Xiu’s cock in his hand. The touch set every sweet spark of pleasure their fucking had ignited ablaze. Xiu’s balls tightened. His cock pulsed. He pounded down on Eben faster and faster as the inferno gripped him. “Eben. I’m going to come.” “Do it. Come. Look at me. Come for me.” “Eben!” Xiu’s whole body convulsed, his hips pumping furiously as the heat in his belly poured up and out. Xiu opened his eyes. He looked right at Eben, and it was as if he leaped from the pinnacle of that impossible tower and plunged straight into the cool blue of those sparkling eyes. His cock shot ribbons of cum. Eben let out a great moan and thrust up hard. He jerked and then went still, clutching Xiu by the hips. Xiu fell forward, and they lay together, boneless and spent.

*** Eben lay catching his breath, astounded at what had just happened. Shoe draped across him, damp with sweat, smelling sweet from sex, and smiling. Eben watched as he drifted off to sleep. He’d never seen anything so beautiful before. He’d never felt so special either. He was the one who put that smile on Shoe’s face. He pulled the blanket up over them both, held Shoe close, and closed his eyes.

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Chapter Fifteen Impossible

Xiu awoke to find himself sprawled across Eben, who lay on his back with his arms outspread, snoring. They were warm and in bed, and by the light, it was early yet. Eben stirred. “Muh? Huh? Oh. Mmm.” He shifted a bit and brought his arms up around Xiu. “Mmmmm.” Xiu allowed himself to be snuggled like a child’s toy, ignoring the tears the gesture brought to his eyes. They didn’t have much time left. The last thing he wanted was to waste it on stupid crying. He soaked up Eben’s warmth and gentleness, basking in it like a lizard in the sun, storing up heat for the cold time to come. After a while, he reached down and stroked Eben’s morning wood. Very soon, life was going to come crashing in upon them again, and this fantasy would be over. Before that happened, Xiu wanted Eben to fuck him again. He snagged the bag with the condoms from the floor beside the bed and sat up, straddling Eben’s hips so that big, hard cock burrowed in his crack. He took out a condom and waved it at Eben. “Good morning.”

*** Eben came awake by degrees. At first, he thought he’d had the most wonderful dream. The best Shoe dream yet. Then he realized that the warm body pressed against him was real, and memory came rushing in upon him in waves. He and Shoe had done it. Really done it. And it had been the most amazing thing he’d ever experienced. Better than he’d ever known anything could be. And it had happened because Nicky had allowed it to happen. He’d caught them. He knew. But he didn’t know Jack Parker was still alive.

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Eben had lied to his brother and made love, both for the first time, all in one day. And now he and Shoe were supposed to go back to their regular lives and never touch each other again. The thought of that hollowed out Eben’s heart and filled it with ice. But the sight of Shoe waving a condom at him and grinning melted it all over again. There’d be plenty of time later for real life. Eben pulled Shoe down and kissed him. “Good morning!” Their naked bodies pressed together. Shoe’s cock was hot and hard. He shifted his hips to rub it against Eben’s own erection. They bumped and slid together, filling Eben with excitement and longing. This was their chance. Whatever they wanted, they had to do it now. Eben sat up and took the condom from Shoe. He tore it open and started rolling it over Shoe’s cock. The expression on Shoe’s face made Eben laugh. Mouth open and eyes wide, he looked like Eben had just brought a goat into the bed with them. “Seriously?” “Yes, of course!” He paused. “Unless you don’t want to.” Shoe opened and closed his mouth a few times before saying, “No, I do. I just—Most guys I—” Shoe laughed too. “But what am I saying? You’re not most guys. Yes, why not?” “Exactly.” Shoe smiled, and his dimple appeared. He watched, apparently mesmerized, as Eben finished rolling the condom down his cock. Eben lay back and lifted his knees. “Now this is my first time,” he said, grinning. “Be gentle with me?” That got a burst of startled laughter from Shoe. “You are just—” He leaned forward and kissed Eben, pulled back, and gazed into his face with glittering dark eyes that might have had tears in them, and then kissed Eben again. “Oi jan. I will be gentle with you.” Shoe kissed his way down Eben’s body. Every press of his lips and glide of his tongue awakened Eben’s nerve endings until he hummed like a tightly strung wire. Precum dripped from his cock and beaded on his belly. Shoe dragged his fingers through it and painted circles and flowers on Eben’s skin. Then he reached down and pressed his slick fingers to Eben’s hole.

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A jolt of adrenaline-laced excitement shot through Eben at that touch. He was a little scared. It was probably going to hurt, but he didn’t care. He wanted it anyway. Wet heat enveloped his straining cock, derailing his thoughts. Shoe had one hand wrapped around the base of Eben’s cock. He sucked Eben while he played with Eben’s asshole. The warm, silken suction and the delicate dance of damp fingers combined to make Eben’s head spin and his balls tighten. “Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!” He bucked up, helpless in the grip of Shoe’s erotic mastery. Shoe pulled off him for a moment and reached for the lube. He spread more on his fingers and then went back to sucking Eben’s cock. One finger probed at Eben’s opening, which fluttered in response to the gentle pressure. Slowly, Shoe breached Eben’s body. It felt weird at first, kind of uncomfortable, and then something deep inside Eben’s body sparked to life and started to pulse, demanding more. “Oh!” Shoe slid his finger in deeper, deeper, all the while working Eben’s cock with lips and tongue. Eben was caught in a whirlwind of sensations, and then suddenly, Shoe’s finger brushed that pulsing spot inside, and Eben’s whole world turned to molten joy. “Jesus!” Eben’s body seemed to suck Shoe’s finger in now. He wanted more. More. He pushed down against Shoe’s finger and then thrust up into Shoe’s mouth, his hips moving as if with a will of their own. He reached down and stroked Shoe’s silken hair. “Jesus, Shoe. You…you…” Shoe slid another finger inside Eben, and joy turned to ecstasy, bright and sharp with need. Eben’s balls drew up. Honey gathered in Eben’s belly. “You better hurry. I’m…I’m…” Shoe pulled off and readjusted his grip, grasping Eben’s cock and the base of his balls and clamping down tight. The sweet fire in Eben’s belly had nowhere to go now. All it could do was build as Shoe kept stroking the sensitive walls of Eben’s channel with his fingers. Eben had never felt anything like this. His hands and feet tingled. His cock throbbed. This was going to kill him, but at least he’d die happy. At last Shoe withdrew his fingers and shifted position. He leaned forward and kissed Eben. “Ready?” “Oh my God! Yes, please!”

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Shoe grinned and kissed the tip of Eben’s nose. More lube, and then the warm, slick, firm head of Shoe’s cock nudged at Eben’s body. It felt really big, but Eben was far past caring at this point. “Yes. Do it. Please.” Sweat beaded on Shoe’s forehead as he slowly pressed inward, stretching Eben wider and wider. Eben struggled for breath. This is impossible. It…it… Oh! Suddenly, Shoe’s cock slid all the way in and filled Eben with so much heat and pressure and pleasure that ecstasy seemed to flood every part of his body. And because Shoe still had a viselike grip around the base of Eben’s balls, it had nowhere to go except to take Eben higher. “Oh God!” For a moment neither of them moved, and then Shoe very slowly withdrew, leaving Eben empty and aching to be filled again. When Shoe thrust forward again, his cock slid right over that little pulsing place inside and sent Eben reeling. He whimpered when Shoe withdrew again, and bucked up to meet him at the next thrust. The same rhythm that had taken them the night before found them again, and soon they were moving together as if they were one being. Ebb and flow, thrust and flex. Shoe fucked Eben with relentless majesty, sweat dripping from his face to land on Eben’s chest. Eben arched beneath him, lost in the tide of their passion, no longer able to distinguish one sensation from another. Their pace quickened. Shoe released his stranglehold on Eben’s balls, and the knot of pleasure in Eben’s belly that had been building and building all this time pulsed. Shoe reached down and stroked Eben’s cock. Eben’s whole body jerked as every ripple and wave that had washed over him until then suddenly rushed to the base of his balls. He came, shouting and spasming, helpless in the grip of an orgasm that seemed to pour out from everywhere at once and wash him clean. “Ling jan ging kei!” Shoe pumped into him. He leaned forward, capturing Eben’s mouth with his as he thrust raggedly and then went still. They clung together as aftershocks shook their bodies. Eben fully expected to find that they lay in the middle of a crater, but as it turned out, it was still just his bedroom, unchanged, though it seemed impossible that anything could be the same again after that.

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They lay together a long time, neither of them moving. Eben stared up at the ceiling. Shoe ran his fingers through Eben’s chest hair in long, lazy loops. Eben knew why he didn’t want to move, and he suspected Shoe had the same reason. Once they did, it would be time for Eben to take Shoe back to the Belmont, and after that, they weren’t supposed to contact each other again. No talking. No kissing. No fucking. Impossible. Now that they’d been together, Eben could no more do without Shoe than he could do without air. And now that he understood that through and through, there was really only one thing to do. “Shoe?” “Mmm?” “How much is your contract?” Eben felt Shoe stiffen beneath him. A moment later, he lifted his head. His cheeks were still flushed, and sweat stuck his hair stuck to the sides of his face in dark little tendrils. He sat up and stared at Eben, eyebrows drawn together. “My contract?” “Yeah. You know, the debt you owe Lao that Nicky bought.” “Thirty thousand the last time I asked, but they keep raising it. Why?” “Well, what if I asked Nicky to sell me your contract, and then I gave it to you? And then, I could tell Nicky I want out. And we could just, you know, get out of town. Go someplace else. If Jack Parker can get on a bus and leave all this behind, so can we.” Shoe furrowed his brow. “It doesn’t work that way. How can you not know that? It’s all set up so that I will always owe money. And you can’t leave. Nicky is your brother. Even if…even if you could leave him, he won’t let you go.” “Maybe he would. I know it doesn’t always seem like it, but Nicky cares about me a lot. He always has. He let us have this time together, didn’t he?” “He was probably hoping you’d get it out of your system.” Eben smiled. “Just hooked me harder.” Shoe looked down and didn’t say anything. Eben took his hand. “We don’t know what he’ll say unless we ask. I ask. Me.”

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Shoe gripped his hand and looked up at Eben. “Please don’t. It’s dangerous. You’re right—he’s been good to you. Very good. Don’t push it. We had last night and this morning. So what if that’s all we’ll ever have? It was real. That’s enough.” Maybe Shoe was right. Maybe these few moments were all they’d ever have, but Eben wasn’t going to accept that without a fight. He had to talk to Nicky.

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Chapter Sixteen Ties

“Yeah, next Tuesday’s fine, Mr. Wong. I’m so pleased you’ll be there in person. It will be my honor to show you around Boston. I know all the best places.” “An auspicious start to a profitable business association, no?” “Absolutely. Oh, by the way. I need to return the pony I purchased from you. He’s a good runner, but I’m finding this to be an inconvenient time to branch out into that business.” There was a pause. “Has he been difficult in the saddle?” “No. It’s not like that. The climate here isn’t right for racing stallions. I’m sticking with mares for now. I want to sell him back to you and take the difference off of my current order.” “Well, we will gladly take him back from you, but I hope you understand that you will not receive the full purchase price.” Dammit. “How much less?” “A reduction in value of ten percent per month. So…seventy percent of the original cost.” Nicky did some quick calculations in his head. With the money Xiu had brought in, it wasn’t even a loss. “Seventy-five would be agreeable, in view of our ongoing relationship.” A chuckle. “Very well, Mr. Stevens. We can do that for you.” Someone knocked on the door to Nicky’s suite. Nicky looked through the peephole. Eben. “I appreciate it,” he said to Lao as he opened the door and closed it again behind Eben. “Then I will look forward to seeing you next Tuesday,” said Lao. “Yep. I’ll meet you at the harbor.” “Until then.”

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“Bye.” Nicky hung up and turned to his brother. “Well, you feel better now you finally got your gay rocks off?” Eben stood in the middle of the room, legs braced, shoulders square, and a light in his eyes Nicky hadn’t seen since the day he’d saved that dog when he was twelve. Ah shit. He’d made a mistake letting Eben screw the Schoolboy. Big fucking mistake. He’d forgotten. Eben was not normal. And not because he was gay. No. He was a weirdo, because most guys would get a hard-on for a piece of ass, screw it, and go on with their lives, but Eben had to fucking go and fall in love. Nicky could see it all over the big idiot’s face, and he only had himself to blame. He should have seen it coming. Eben always did have a sentimental streak. “Nicky, I gotta ask you something. A couple somethings.” Uh-oh. “So ask.” “First of all, would you leave the business if I asked you to?” Time seemed to stop. Nicky didn’t breathe. Silence took up all the air. “I didn’t hear what you just said. If you come over here to tell me the details of your big ass fuck, I don’t want to hear ’em.” Nicky walked over to the bar and poured himself a whiskey. “No. That’s not why I’m here.” That was not a tone of voice Nicky ever wanted to hear from Eben. This was going south fast. Sean had been right. But Eben wasn’t just a liability. He was a fucking loose cannon. If Nicky couldn’t get him in line, fast, this was gonna be… “So guess what? I don’t give a fuck why you’re here. Don’t you have some fucking collections to make?” “I’m not doing it no more.” Every one of Nicky’s ancestors opened their dead mouths and spewed darkness into his soul. No. “No. You did not just say that!” He slammed his whiskey down on the counter, and it splashed all over the marble. He turned to skewer Eben with a glare. Eben didn’t look away. “It’s wrong what we do, Nicky.”

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Nicky hurled the glass at Eben. Eben ducked, and it hit the wall behind him and shattered. “Don’t you fucking lecture me about right and wrong! I saved your miserable life! And this is the thanks I get?” Eben looked scared, and for once, he didn’t say anything. Okay, so maybe there was still hope. Letting Eben screw Xiu wasn’t the only mistake Nicky had made lately. He never should have let Eben go so long before taking someone out, either. Now Eben was freaking out about Jack Parker. That was all this was. “Have some patience. You’ll get over whacking Parker.” “It’s not that. It’s Shoe. I’m in love with him. I’m here to ask you to sell me his contract and let me go. If you won’t come with us, that is.” Go? “So this is all that little whore’s fault. He’s got you twisted right around his dick, doesn’t he? I should have known. Well, at least that problem’s solved, or will be, after next Tuesday.” Eben’s eyes went wide. “What happens next Tuesday?” “That’s the day he goes back to Hong Kong where he belongs. I got a big deal going down with the guy who sold him to me, and I’m getting a discount by giving him back.” “You can’t do that! He doesn’t want to be a whore. He wants to be a doctor.” Was Eben for real? “A doctor? That’s a laugh. A proctologist, maybe. Ha!” Eben shook his head. “No. Seriously, Nicky. Don’t do this. Just…sell his contract to me. We’ll leave and never bother you again if that’s what you want.” “If that’s what I want? You must be high.” Eben just stood there looking at him. The motherfucker meant it. Nicky pulled his gun and aimed it at Eben. “I’ll fucking kill you before I let you run out on me.”

*** Shoe was right—this had been a mistake. But it was too late now. All Eben could do now was breathe deep, keep his eyes on Nicky, and try to talk him down. “I don’t want to leave you. You’re my only brother. The only person I’ve ever been able to count on. That’s why I’m here

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right now, talking to you. I’m not running away. I’m asking your permission, with respect, to live my own life.” Nicky bared his teeth. His hand shook. He gave an inarticulate snarl and tossed the gun aside. A second later he was on Eben. The impact sent them both to floor. “You little shit! You wouldn’t have a life if it weren’t for me!” Nicky landed a solid sock to Eben’s right eye and another to his stomach. They hurt, but the pain seemed far away. Everything seemed to be happening at a distance, as if some part of him was up above, watching it all. Nicky went for Eben’s eyes and Eben caught him by the wrists. He pushed Nicky onto his back and straddled his thighs, pinning him to the carpet. Nicky struggled like his life depended on it, but Eben was stronger. After a few minutes Nicky went still. “What the fuck are you doing?” “I’m not going to let you hurt me.” “Now you want to add incest to your sins? Brother fucker!” He spit in Eben’s face. Eben let it roll off his cheek. “I ain’t gonna fuck you, Nicky. I just want you to listen to me. We get to decide, you and me, what’s gonna happen next. If you want, you can let me and Shoe go. If you want, you can get out too. You’re so smart. There’s so many things you could do. You could give the business back to Paul, and you could do anything you wanted. “For the longest time, we’ve been acting like everything was decided for us a long time ago. Like we got no choice. But we do. We have all kinds of choices.” “Fuck you. Fuck your choices.” “If we keep on like we been, sooner or later we’re gonna wind up like Ma and Da. Is that what you want?” “I want to kill you.” Eben shook his head. “No, you don’t. You been a good brother to me, Nicky. You protected me as long as you could. But you know, if you keep me around, you’re going to have to kill me eventually. Someone will find out about me or decide I’m not pulling my weight.” “We made a promise.” “To Ma. I know. But what about Da? What do you think he’d want for us?”

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“He was weak!” “You know that’s not true.” Nicky glared at him and changed the subject. “Sooner or later you gotta let me up, Eben, and when you do, I’m gonna kill you.” “No.” Nicky laughed. “Laugh all you want, but I can get to your gun before you can.” “So you’re gonna kill me? That’s a laugh.” “Yeah. But I’m not gonna kill you. I’m gonna get out of here, and the first thing I’m gonna do is call Mike O’Malley and tell him Nicky Flannery let his idiot fag brother run away with his man whore.” “Try it, and your little whore is dead. ’Cause while you’re calling O’Malley, I’m calling Jimmy.” That took the wind out of his sails. Eben’s brow furrowed, and his grip faltered. Nicky threw his head forward and butted him in the nose. “Agh!” Pain exploded in Eben’s face like fireworks. Blood spurted from his nose. Nicky pushed himself up and shoved Eben onto his back. “You think you can get it over on me, just ’cause you fucked some guy for the first time last night? Well I been fucking anybody I damn well please since I was twelve years old.” He pinned Eben to the floor and swung. His fist connected with Eben’s jaw. Another bright burst of hurt. Nicky hit him again. And again. The room started to sway. “You been listening to that whore instead of your own fucking brother. You forgot your promise. You forgot who you are. You’re a Flannery, and I ain’t letting you leave here until you remember it.” Nicky hit him again.

*** Xiu hadn’t seen or heard anything from Eben in six days, but what really alarmed him was that nobody else had either.

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“Hey, Jimmy, where the fuck’s Eben been?” said Rhonda, sitting at the dining table playing solitaire and smoking. “He hasn’t called in a week, and I talked to Goldy, and she says she hasn’t seen him at the Shillelagh or Club Seven. Nowhere.” Xiu leaned in the archway of the dining nook. He watched Jimmy’s face but didn’t see anything but irritation. Jimmy had collected from them and was on his way out. He wore a black suit because today was Sean Hoolihan’s funeral. “How the fuck should I know where he’s at?” Eben’s finger marks were just visible now and then over the white collar of his shirt. Jimmy’s bruises and aches from Eben beating the shit out of him had been the only bright spot in the past week. Every time Xiu saw those marks, he felt a flame leap up inside him. But now it was quickly quenched by fear. “You mean nobody’s seen him?” He shouldn’t have said anything. Jimmy fixed him with a dead-eyed stare. “Maybe one of these days he’ll wash up under the Washington Street Bridge like Hoolihan did.” Rhonda flipped over the ace of spades. “Don’t say that.” Jimmy walked over to the table, took her cigarette from her, and stuck the tip through the ace. The acrid smell of burning plastic filled the air. “Why not?” Rhonda didn’t answer him. “Maybe he’ll be at the funeral,” said Jimmy. “You want to give me a love letter for him?” He turned to Xiu. “What about you?” Xiu kept silent. He hoped Eben was at the wake. He hoped Nicky hadn’t… He wouldn’t let himself complete the thought. He distracted himself by sneaking another peek at Jimmy’s bruises. “You better get dressed. Nicky wants you at the wake,” Jimmy told Rhonda. He pointed at Xiu. “And you, pack your bags.” Xiu’s heart tangled itself up trying to soar and sink at the same time. “What? Why?” Had Eben bought his contract after all? Had it worked? “You’re going back to Hong Kong.” Reality poured down upon him like steel rain. “What?” “You heard me. Boss made a deal with Lao. You’re part of it. You’re going back home.”

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Xiu was frozen. He was surprised to hear himself say, “When?” He didn’t think he could move his lips. “Tonight. Be ready at ten.” Xiu bent his head. That was enough of an answer for Jimmy, who went away. Moving like an automaton, Xiu pulled out a chair and sat down at the table. Back to Lao. Back where he’d never see Eben again. If Eben was even— The flip of Rhonda’s cards were the only sound in the room. “Rhonda, I think Eben’s in trouble.” The words sounded as if they came from someone else. Someone at the other end of a long tunnel. The flipping stopped. Rhonda stared at him, her eyes narrow. “So do I. And I think it’s your fault.” Xiu looked down. “It is.” “You gonna tell me about it?” “I know you don’t like me. I don’t care. But you care about Eben. You won’t do anything to make things worse for him.” “You can count on that.” Xiu nodded. He told Rhonda what had happened last Wednesday, leaving out Jack Parker but including Eben’s plan to buy Xiu’s contract. “That idiot.” “I tried to talk him out of it. He wouldn’t listen to me.” Rhonda sighed and surveyed her cards as if the answer to the problem was among them. “I’m just amazed Nicky let you two go off together in the first place.” “He really cares about Eben.” “Yeah. Puts him in a tight spot.” “So…do you think he… Is Eben…?” “I don’t know. Hard to say what Nicky might do in this situation.” Xiu’s stomach twisted. “I wouldn’t mind leaving so much if I knew Eben was all right.” Rhonda’s face softened. “You really care about him.”

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He nodded. She lit another cigarette and took a long, thoughtful drag. “Let me go see what I can find out.” “Can I help?” “No. You just do what you’re told and stay out of it.”

*** Eben hated getting dressed up. He could never get the tie right, and his funeral suit felt stiff and made him look like a frigging butler. Not like Nicky, who looked sharp in black. Eben remembered Shoe in that tuxedo he wore to the birthday party. Man. None of that now. Nicky would know what Eben was thinking just from the look on his face, and Eben had already spent enough time duct-taped to the bathroom sink this week. To distract himself he looked at the mirror. The bruises on his face had faded quite a bit now. He was still hurting pretty bad everywhere else, but at least he didn’t move like an old man anymore. His hair was as neat as it ever got. But his tie—it looked like some kind of abstract sculpture. “Jesus, Mary, and Joseph,” said Nicky, charging into the guest bedroom. “Let me do that.” He undid Eben’s tie in rapid, jerky motions, then retied it so it looked as good as his own. “Thanks Nicky.” Nicky patted his cheek. Kinda hard but not really a slap. “Anything for you, bro.” Eben smiled, even though all he felt inside was this big emptiness. He hadn’t been out of Nicky’s suite all week. Nicky told him if he took one step outside, he’d have Shoe killed. Eben knew he meant it. But now they had a funeral to go to, and a wake, and then there was the deal down at the harbor. Big night. “Don’t drink too much at the wake, you hear me?” “Okay, Nicky.”

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“I want you sharp. You’re coming along for the deal at the harbor. You know the saying. Keep your friends close, your enemies closer, and your idiot fag brother in your fucking back pocket.” Eben didn’t say anything. He supposed he should be grateful that Nicky hadn’t just killed him. But he wasn’t exactly sure what the point of being alive was anymore either. Shoe was going away tonight, back to the man who had enslaved him in the first place, and there wasn’t anything Eben could do about it. For a little while there, it had seemed like there was more to life than just doing whatever Nicky said. He remembered the first time he and Shoe kissed, and their night and morning together. And he remembered the things Father Gonzalez had said. But all of that seemed like it was part of a different Eben’s life. Like he had been someone else for a while, but now he was back to being who he’d always been. “Remember, if anybody asks why you’re banged up, you tangled with some O’Malleys, and it wasn’t a fair fight, but they got the worst of it. Got it?” “Yeah. I remember.” “You know Rhonda’s been worried about you,” said Nicky. Why was Nicky telling him that? “Yeah?” “She was down at the Shillelagh this morning, trying to find out where you been.” Eben wasn’t sure what to say. “She’s crazy about you, you know.” “She’s a nice person. She’s always been good to me.” “See, I knew you liked her. I knew that wasn’t all some act, all these years. You know what?” “What, Nicky?” “You and her oughta get married. I know she’s just a whore, but look at Ma. That never stopped her. Rhonda’s got substance. You two should be together.” Eben knew better than to say what he wanted to say. He’d learned his lesson on that one.

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“Besides,” said Nicky. “She’s getting kinda old. If somebody don’t take her off the market, she’s gonna start being disposable pretty soon. You know what I mean?” Icy hands tied Eben’s guts into knots. “Yeah. Sure. I’ll marry Rhonda. That’s a great idea.” “Good! It’s always nice to have some happy news to announce at a wake.” Nicky made one final adjustment to Eben’s tie and clapped him on the shoulder. “And when you’re with us on the docks tonight, you can hand the Schoolboy over to Lao. You just remember that your bride-to-be will be waiting for you back in the car with Jimmy. And I’m sure you can imagine how distressed she’d be if anything went wrong.” Nicky’s dark eyes seemed to suck all the light out of the room. Eben understood. “I’ll be careful. I promise.”

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Chapter Seventeen Flannery Justice

“But who killed him? That’s what I want to know.” Bill William shouted over the music at the Shillelagh. The place was packed, and loud. Eben was wedged into a corner by Paul, Bill, and Big Pete. There was no place to go, and he couldn’t even get drunk. He really wanted to get drunk. Unless he could somehow arrange for this to be his wake instead of Sean’s. Tonight he had to hand Shoe over to that fucker Uncle Lao—that was, after Nicky announced Eben’s engagement to Rhonda. Of course. From Nicky’s standpoint, the marriage made total sense. Eben knew he should feel grateful. There were worse things that could happen. Like Nicky killing Shoe or Rhonda or both of them. “Who the fuck do you think killed Sean? Fucking O’Malleys!” yelled Big Pete. “Then what the hell are we doing sitting here drinking? We ought to be out avenging him,” said Bill. “We will. We will. Nicky’s got something in the works that’s going to devastate those sons of bitches, and then when they’re reeling”—Paul slammed his hand down on the table. Wham!— “bye-bye fucking O’Malleys.” He dusted his hands off. “But in the meantime—” “In the meantime you can fucking well honor the man and the life he led, Bill,” said Paul. He poured another round of shots. Eben left his sitting in front of him. “What’s wrong with you?” demanded Big Pete. “Why aren’t you drinking to Sean’s memory?” “I did, but I can’t have no more. I got something important to do tonight.”

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Nicky waded through the crowd to their table, dragging Rhonda by the hand. He deposited her at Eben’s side. She looked up at him with a lopsided smile and a little tilt to her head. “Well, here we are.” Eben smiled back. This wasn’t her fault. If he were straight, he’d be happy to marry her. He took her hand. She squeezed it and pulled him in for a hug. She whispered in his ear. “I’m real glad you’re okay. Me and Xiu have been so worried.” The mention of Shoe’s name stole Eben’s breath away. “I’m sorry things can’t work out the way you wanted them to.” She was killing him. He took a deep breath and pushed down the sadness that wanted to spill from his eyes. “It’s okay. It could be worse.” He released her. She pulled back, giving him a wide-eyed nod. Nicky hit a water glass with a knife until the bar quieted down. “Now first of all, I want thank all of you for coming here today to celebrate Sean Hoolihan’s life and to mourn his passing. Rest assured that when the scumbag that took him out in his prime is discovered, he will face Flannery justice!” The whole bar roared. The noise shook the rafters. “Death to the O’Malleys!” someone shouted, and more joined in. When the yelling died down, Nicky went on. “But even in the midst of tragedy, life goes on, and God grants us little miracles to help us go on living. And that’s why I’m proud to announce to you today, here, that my little brother, Eben Flannery, is getting married to Miss Rhonda Davis!” Nicky raised Eben and Rhonda’s clasped hands as if they’d just won a boxing match. Again the crowd roared. And from among the shouting and whooping, a chant emerged. “Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!” More glasses clinked. “Make it good,” Nicky whispered in Eben’s ear. Eben looked down at Rhonda and then out at the sea of faces all shouting and cheering. He knew he was searching for one face in particular. But he wouldn’t find it. And after tonight, Shoe would be gone from his life forever.

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All he had was his memory now. He drew Rhonda close, and he closed his eyes. Silently he begged her forgiveness, and then he thought of Shoe’s strawberry ice-cream mouth and the first time he tasted it. “Ooooooooh!” went the onlookers. Eben drew back, a little breathless, to find Rhonda flushed and Nicky beaming. “Very nice,” he said. “Okay. Let’s get out of here. We’ve got work to do.” Eben turned toward the door, and there was Jimmy and next to him, Shoe, staring at him with wide eyes.

*** Eben, Nicky, Rhonda, Jimmy, and Shoe all went in Nicky’s Range Rover. Bill William, Paul, and Big Pete followed in Pete’s Mercedes. Nicky’s Range Rover was black. It had tinted windows, so you couldn’t see inside except for through the windshield. Nicky drove, and he made Eben sit up front with him. Rain spattered against the windshield. The hiss of the car’s wheels against the wet road was the only sound. All Eben wanted to do was turn around and look at Shoe. Just look at him. But he couldn’t do that. When they arrived at the docks, there was no one in sight. Nicky took a briefcase out of the back. The other guys pulled up and got out of Pete’s car. At the far end of the dock, a couple of black sedans pulled up. Several men got out, two of them carrying suitcases. “All right. Jimmy, you stay in the Rover with Rhonda. Pete, you wait behind the wheel of your car in case something goes wrong and we need to get out in a hurry. Bill, Paul, you cover us from about twenty yards back. Eben will make the exchange. Everybody got it?” Agreement all around. Only Eben, Shoe, and Rhonda remained silent. Nicky turned to Eben. “Got it?” “Yes.” “Then let’s go.”

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Nicky carried the money, and Shoe walked beside him, flanked by Eben. Eben knew it must be his imagination, what with the rain and all, but he could have sworn he felt the heat of Shoe’s body, warming him like the sun. He risked a glance at Shoe. Shoe looked straight ahead, his face as calm and perfect as a doll’s. All traces of the pain he’d shown when he saw Eben kiss Rhonda were gone now. It was as if he felt nothing at all. Eben turned his gaze toward the men approaching them. One was older and shorter than the others. He was balding, and he walked like he owned the whole harbor. He was flanked by two guys about Eben’s size. Behind them were four more men, all Chinese. The three in the front must be Uncle Lao and the Kuo brothers, then. Eben’s heart rate picked up as he remembered Shoe’s story. The gun under his arm seemed heavier than usual. He glanced at Nicky. How could he ask Eben to turn Shoe over to those…those…? Well, he didn’t ask. He told, and Rhonda was back there in the Range Rover with Jimmy, and she’d done nothing, absolutely nothing, to deserve any of this. About twenty yards away, Uncle Lao and Nicky both stopped. Nicky handed Eben the briefcase with the money. “Go on now.” The handle was slick with rain, and Eben had to grip it hard. With his other hand he took Shoe by the elbow, too weak to resist an excuse to touch him. They walked forward, toward the two big guys with the suitcases. “Those are the Kuo Brothers?” he said under his breath. “Yes.” “Shoe, I’m so sorry. This is—I don’t want to—Jimmy’s gonna kill Rhonda if I don’t do this.” “I know. Don’t worry about it. I’ll be fine.” The distance stretched out, and it seemed like every step they took landed them farther from their destination. Eben was suddenly very aware of the position of every person on the dock and of the open harbor to their left. If he threw the case at the Kuo brothers at just the right moment and Shoe dived into the water at the same time…could he get back to the Range Rover in time to stop Jimmy from killing Rhonda and then drive to Pier 7 and fish Shoe out of the water? “Shoe, can you swim? If we—”

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Shoe grabbed Eben’s hand and dug his fingernails in. “Don’t you dare. You’ll get us all killed.” He looked up at Eben, his eyes as dark as Nicky’s, his nails still digging into Eben’s palm, biting in, breaking the skin. Despite the pain, Eben gripped Shoe’s hand. He wanted to hold on forever, but Shoe wrenched free. “You think I want to stay with you, stupid? You disgust me. I was playing you the entire time.” Blood trickled down Eben’s fingers and dripped onto the ground, lost in the rain. Suddenly Shoe lurched forward as if Eben had shoved him. He trotted past the Kuo brothers, to Lao. He knelt on the wet pavement and prostrated himself before the triad boss. The sight made Eben want to throw up. He looked away to find the Kuo brothers ready to make the exchange. Dead eyes in expressionless faces. They set down their cases, and Eben set down his. Behind them, Shoe had stood again and gone past Lao, toward the cars. Farther and farther. Eben picked up the suitcases. The pain in his palm reminded him that he was still alive. Shoe turned at Lao’s sedan, and their eyes met one final time before he got in and shut the door behind him. And gone. Eben walked back toward Nicky with the drugs.

*** Through tinted windows Xiu watched Eben Flannery walk out of his life. It’s better this way. It is. He tried to concentrate on the image of Eben kissing Rhonda. It had looked so real. Even if it was a fake, it was a really good one, and if Eben could keep faking it that well, then maybe it would become real in time. In any event, he’d be better off with Xiu out of the picture. Xiu had seen the fading bruises on Eben’s face. He knew Nicky had done that because of Eben asking to buy his contract, asking to get out of the business. All because of him. He wasn’t worth that.

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The driver’s side door opened as Kuo Kang got behind the wheel. In the sudden light, Xiu saw the blood beneath his fingernails. Eben had hung on, even while Xiu was hurting him. He’d have hung on even if Nicky killed him for it. This was how it had to be. And Xiu wouldn’t have to endure it for very much longer. The hotel Lao and the others were staying at looked exactly like the Belmont, only the color scheme was blue instead of burgundy. Xiu rode up in the elevator with the Kuo brothers, his stomach a knot, his palms sweating on the hand rail. But nothing happened. They left him in a room and locked the door. The moment he was alone, Xiu opened his suitcase and took out the little kit bag where he kept his dope and his works. He tied the rubber tube around his bicep and started to cook, melting down all of the dope he had left. It was about ten times the amount he’d normally use. Plenty to carry him away forever. He drew it all up into the syringe and then squeezed the air out.

*** They drove toward the Belmont in the dark and the rain. Jimmy sat up front this time, leaving Eben to share the backseat with Rhonda. At least she was okay. After she offered him a wan smile and he managed a nod, they didn’t look at each other or speak. Eben stared out through the windshield between Nicky and Jimmy’s heads, watching the rain glisten in the glare of the streetlights. White and black, white and black. He pressed at the little moon-shaped wounds in his hand. The pain from them was a little red flower in an otherwise colorless world. He wouldn’t let them heal. He’d keep picking at them so they scarred, so he’d have something. “So, you two kids set a date yet?” asked Nicky. The red in Eben’s mind bloomed, and he envisioned Nicky’s head exploding and painting the entire inside of the car with blood. For once he didn’t feel bad about having a thought like that, either. Nicky was a fucking asshole. He hated Nicky. How was it he’d never realized that before?

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Rhonda didn’t say anything either. “Well, you don’t want to wait too long. I think you should set it for a month from now. Enough time for everyone to get over Hoolihan, but it’ll still be summer. You can have the ceremony at St. Mary’s. I know Father Clancy. He’s okay. For the reception, we can rent the State Room or maybe book a harbor cruise. After this deal we’re gonna be rolling in dough, and I’m bankrolling the whole thing, so you just go to town. Rhonda, you get yourself the prettiest dress you can find. Wear white if you want to. Nobody will dare say shit about it. Eben, you get whatever kind of food you want, all the booze you want.” Suddenly Nicky fell silent. Maybe he realized nobody gave a shit. They came to a stoplight, and Nicky looked over his shoulder. Eben kept staring out the window. Nicky turned back around. “You know—” He stopped in midsentence because just then, Jack Parker crossed the street in front of them.

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Chapter Eighteen Jìnǚ

A little droplet beaded on the tip of the needle, gleaming in the light from the lamp. It had been waiting for Xiu since that morning he woke up in his parents’ bed and saw it for the first time—a tiny spark of light. A moment, a breath, a kiss of pain, and then that light would open up into a blazing nova, and he’d never know anything again. No more pain, no more shame, no more futile rage and sweet, sharp longing. Would Lao demand more money from Nicky when he found Xiu dead? Would there be fighting? Would Eben be in the middle of it? Would he get hurt? The door opened, and Uncle Lao came in. Sei laa! “What, you can’t even wait five seconds, you junkie?” he said in Cantonese. His tie was undone, and as he spoke, he took off his jacket. “We’re not staying here. We’re leaving soon, and you need to be awake.” He crossed the room and grabbed Xiu by the jaw. He turned Xiu’s head this way and that. “Still very pretty.” His fingers dug in, and he brought his face close to Xiu’s, staring at him with fathomless dark eyes. His breath smelled like cigars and fried chicken. “But I want to know what you did to make the Irishman sell you back to me. He says you did okay, but I think he’s a little soft. You did something. What?” Xiu closed his eyes. One moment more, and it would have been too late. “Nothing. I did what they told me.” “Liar!” Lao hit Xiu across the face with the back of his fist. Pain ripped through Xiu’s cheek and brought tears to his eyes. He gasped for breath. Lao shoved Xiu down on the bed and climbed on top of him. “We’re taking a boat back, so we have plenty of time for you to get pretty again.” He hit him on the other side of the face.

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Xiu tried to wriggle out from under Lao, but Lao grabbed him by the hair. “Don’t you dare try to get away from me. I owned you before, and I own you again. You’re going to tell me what you did, or me and the Kuo brothers will fuck it out of you. You’ll tell us, and we’ll fuck you anyway, because that’s what you’re for, jìnǚ.” Something inside Xiu snapped. He gripped the hypodermic in his fist, swung up, and drove the needle straight into Uncle Lao’s neck.

*** Nicky threw the Range Rover into park so fast the whole vehicle lurched forward and Eben had to brace a hand against the front seat to keep from falling. “You fucking liar!” Nicky glared over his shoulder at Eben. Eben could swear he saw flames leaping in Nicky’s eyes. Jack Parker saw them and took off. Jimmy was already opening the door. “Go after that junkie piece of shit,” Nicky told him. “Kill him and string him from a fucking streetlight.” Rhonda reached for the door handle. She pulled it open just before Nicky hit the kiddielock switch. “Get out of this car, and you’re a dead whore,” said Nicky. Rhonda pushed the door open. “Come on,” she said. “Before he takes us to Happy Hollow.” Eben slid across the seat and out of the car, but by then Nicky had also jumped out. He blocked Eben’s way. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” Eben shoved him hard in the chest. “Fuck off!” Nicky took a step back and steadied himself by grabbing the side mirror of the Range Rover. Traffic backed up behind them. Horns blared. The rain poured down harder. Chill rivulets ran down Eben’s neck and under his collar. “You’re telling me to fuck off? I’ll fucking kill you!” Nicky reached for his gun. “Go the fuck ahead! You’ve already destroyed everything I ever gave a shit about! So shoot me in the middle of traffic with twenty kilos of dope in the back of your car. Dumbass.”

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“Eben! Come on!” Rhonda yelled at him from the median of Dorchester Ave. A car whizzed past, honking. Four cars back in the blocked lane, Paul, Bill, and Big Pete got out of the Mercedes. “Dumbass?” Nicky grabbed Eben by the lapels. “You don’t get to call me that. Get back in the fucking car.” Eben shoved him again. Nicky slammed into the side of the Range Rover. Eben pinned him. “Stop telling me what to do.”

*** Lao arched back, his mouth open, his eyes wide. He gasped and grabbed at Xiu’s hand. Xiu pressed the plunger before Lao could stop him. The old man’s eyes rolled back. He collapsed on top of Xiu. His body was heavy, his cock was still hard, but by the time Xiu got out from under him, he was dead. Xiu shook. “Fuck. Fuck.” He looked at the door. It was closed. He could hear the television playing in the other room. They didn’t know. Yet. He had to get out of here. He ran to the window, but it only opened a hand span. Even Xiu couldn’t squeeze through there. Sweat broke out all over his body. He felt nauseated. What a fucking rotten time to be dope sick. He couldn’t stay here. It would only be a matter of time before one of the Kuo brothers came in and found Lao’s corpse. Xiu opened the door to the room and crept down the hallway. He could see the television. The Kuos were watching NASCAR. Maybe he could sneak past to the door, off to the left beyond the kitchenette, and they wouldn’t notice. Not much chance, but the only one he had. He bent low and made a run for it. He made it as far as the door before Kang grabbed him by the neck. Xiu tried to turn the doorknob, but it slipped from his sweat-slick hands as Kang dragged him back and pushed him up against the wall. “Sei laa! Where do you think you’re going?” “To get a candy bar from the vending machine.”

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Kang slapped him. “Liar! We have the minibar.” His eyes narrowed. “Where’s Lao?” “Sleeping.” Why hadn’t Xiu taken the time to pull the fucking needle out of Lao’s neck and roll him onto his side? It might have bought him some time. “Sleeping? Now?” said Kung. “Brother, go see.” Kang kept Xiu pinned to the wall, kept staring at him. Over his shoulder Xiu saw Kung go down the hallway. Xiu drove his knee into Kang’s groin. “Jìnǚ!” Kang lifted him by the neck and slammed him back into the wall. The back of Xiu’s head cracked against the plaster, sending sparks of pain shooting through his skull. Xiu grabbed Kang’s fingers and pulled them back against the joint to pry them from his neck. He kneed Kang again. Kang picked him up and threw him into the living room. Xiu landed on his back on the coffee table. Pain radiated out from every bone in his body. Kung ran in. “Lao’s dead! This junkie stabbed him in the neck with a needle!” Kang picked Xiu up and shook him. “You’re dead, you stupid whore.” Xiu tried to break free, but his movements were wild, uncoordinated. Kang punched him in the eye, and everything went black for a second. When he came back, he was on the floor, and they were kicking him. Jolts of pain shot through his sides, his stomach. He curled into a ball, wrapping his arms around his head. “Get him back on the table,” said Kang. “Tie him down.”

*** Rain plastered Nicky’s dark hair to his head and streamed down his face. “You’re a fucking dead man!” Eben shook his head. “Not anymore.” “Eben!” Rhonda had flagged down a cab on the other side of the street. She stood with the door open. “Hurry!” Car doors slammed. “What the fuck is going on?” yelled Bill. He, Paul, and Big Pete ran toward Eben and Nicky.

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“Bill, grab the whore,” yelled Nicky. “You two, help me get this traitor piece of shit back in the car.” Eben punched Nicky in the gut. Nicky bent over, gasping. Eben took his gun and ran toward the cab, dodging traffic. Tires squealed, and horns blared. Bill, Paul, and Pete shouted after him. “Jesus fucking Christ, get in!” yelled Rhonda when he reached the cab. She yanked him inside, and he slammed the door shut. “Go!” she told the driver. “Where to?” “Just fucking go!” “Yes, ma’am.” The cab pulled away. Through the window Eben saw Nicky and the other guys standing in the middle of the street, watching him and Rhonda leave. Rhonda wrapped her arms around her ribs and rocked back and forth. She was soaked too. “Oh my God! Oh my God! You didn’t kill Parker? You lied to Nicky?” “Yeah. I’m done. But I’m sorry I got you caught up in the middle of this.” “Fuck that.” Rhonda took a deep breath and smoothed back her rain-soaked hair. “Listen. I know where Xiu is.” For an instant, everything seemed to stop. “What?” “I’m pretty sure, anyway. When I went looking for you, earlier today, I heard Nicky and Jimmy talking. You know how Nicky is, always so careful.” “Usually.” “Well, he checked up on Lao before the deal, found out he’s staying at the Westchester, Suite 1702. That’s probably where Xiu is now.” Eben’s heart pounded. It felt like it had been stopped ever since Nicky beat him down. Everything that had happened over the past three months seemed to float in his mind, one thing connecting to another, forming a plan. “Driver, take us to the Westchester.” Eben dug in his pockets and pulled out a fistful of bills. He handed the money and Nicky’s gun to Rhonda. “Take this. And this.”

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Rhonda looked at the gun in her hand as if it were a dead rat. “What the fuck am I supposed to do with this?” “Use it if you need to. But go to Father Gonzalez at St. Benedict’s. He’ll help you. Once you’re safe, call the feds. Tell them Shoe’s being held against his will by an international trafficking ring and that Nicky’s involved. Tell them there’s twenty kilos of dope in the back of Nicky’s car. Tell them I’ll testify.” Rhonda’s face was ghostly white. “You gonna rat Nicky out? You want me to rat him out?” Eben took a shaky breath. “Want? No. Can you think of another way out of this?” Rhonda stared into Eben’s eyes so hard it was as if she expected the answer to be written on the inside of his skull. Finally she sat back in the seat and put her hands to her face. “Jesus Christ. Right. Okay.” She nodded and looked him in the eye again. “Okay.” The cab pulled up in the circle drive of the Westchester. Eben opened the door. “What are you going to do?” said Rhonda. “What do you think?”

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Chapter Nineteen Enter the Eben

Kung grabbed Xiu’s arms, and Kang took his feet. He writhed, still trying to break free, but it was no use. Their hands were like iron manacles. They slammed him down on the table on his back. Kang wrapped his necktie around Xiu’s ankle and started tying it to the table leg. A crashing sound came from the door. “What’s that?” said Kung. The door burst open, and Eben charged through. His blue eyes flashed like swords clashing on a battlefield. Rain glistened in his red hair like drops of blood. Everything in the room seemed to shrink in his presence, including the Kuo brothers. Eben was an ancient warrior in a black suit and tie and the most glorious sight Xiu had ever seen. Kang reached for his gun. Eben crossed the room and grabbed Kang by the wrist and elbow. He brought Kang’s forearm down hard over his knee. Something snapped. Kang screamed and dropped the gun. “Where’s Lao?” asked Eben. “Dead,” said Xiu. Kung swung, but Eben ducked the punch. He rushed Kung, coming in low and driving his shoulder into Kung’s midsection. He hoisted Kung up over his head and threw him into the kitchenette. Kung bounced off the built-in microwave and disappeared from view behind the counter. Kang lunged for his gun with his good hand. “Eben, look out!” Xiu pushed himself upright, trying to stop Kang.

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Eben pivoted and seized Kang by the collar. He lifted him up and smashed a fist into his face. Kang screamed again, and blood poured from his nose. Kung peeked over the edge of the counter. “Eben, the kitchen! Kung!” Eben took Kang’s gun and shot it over Kung’s head. Kung ducked down again. Dragging Kang along by the necktie, Eben stalked to the kitchenette. He was a giant, a bloody-fisted god of wrath. All Xiu could see now was Eben stooping, his face as implacable as a clenched fist, his elbows occasionally flashing above the counter top like pistons. The Kuo brothers’ screams were punctuated by meaty smacking sounds, and then there was silence. Eben ran back to the living room and knelt at Xiu’s side. He scanned Xiu’s face and body with earnest eyes that held not a trace of their former savagery. He lifted a trembling bloodstreaked hand to Xiu’s face and ran his fingers gently down the side. “Are you okay—I mean, is anything broken?” Xiu remembered to breathe. “I don’t think so.” Eben pulled the necktie free from Xiu’s ankle and lifted him up. Cradled in Eben’s strong arms, Xiu felt like he was ascending into heaven on a warm cloud. He wrapped his arms around Eben’s neck. Eben held him tight. “I’m so sorry I didn’t get here sooner.” Xiu clung to him. “You came just in time.” Eben shook his head and made a little noise, something between a whimper and a sob. He pressed his lips against Xiu’s forehead. “Sweetheart, we have to get out of here.” Sweetheart! Xiu kissed him on the lips. “Yes. Quickly.” Eben carried Xiu out of the room and down the hall. “The stairs, not the elevator,” said Xiu. “Right.” Eben pushed the door to the stairs open with his back and started down the steps. “You know, I can probably walk on my own.” Xiu was reluctant to mention it.

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“I don’t care. I’m not letting go of you. Not again.” Xiu sucked in a breath. “Lao has other people here, besides the Kuo brothers.” “Yes,” said Xiu, but it hadn’t been a question. “What happened to him?” “I killed him. Stabbed him in the neck with enough dope to…to…” Fresh terror poured through Xiu at the thought of what he’d done and what he’d almost done. That started the memories of the last hour cascading through him like an icy waterfall. No. Not now. Behind the waterfall, the reality of what his life had been for the past two years roared like a raging river. It would all sweep him away if he let it, and he could not fall apart. Not now. “Shh. It’s okay. We’re going to get out of this. Rhonda’s calling the cops. If we can just stay clear of Lao’s people and Nicky until the law catches up to them, we’ll be all right.” Eben’s voice was a calm eddy. “What happened?” asked Xiu, to keep him talking. “How did you get away from Nicky?” “Jack Parker crossed the street right in front of us as we were driving down Dorchester Ave.” “Oh shit.” “If he hadn’t happened by when he did I might never have—I never in a million years should have let you go. I’m so sorry.” “Stop. No more. It’s okay. We’re together now. That’s all that matters. That and surviving the next few days. Where’s Nicky? Is he coming after you?” “I think so. But he’s got other problems besides me right now. If he’s kept his head, he’ll secure the drugs before he does anything else, and by then, the triad will be mobilizing and they’ll assume Nicky was behind Lao’s death, so all of that works in our favor. If we can just get out of town and go to ground.” For the space of two breaths, Xiu let himself rest against Eben, soaking in his strength. Until his conscience prodded him. “Those things I said, calling you stupid, that I was playing you, that you disgu—I didn’t mean them. I was just—”

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“I know what you were doing. You were doing it for me. Sacrificing yourself to protect me. I never should have let you.” “Your hand. I cut you.” “It’s nothing.” Eben rubbed his cheek against Xiu’s head. “I was happy to have those marks, but I’m much happier to have you with me now.” Xiu closed his eyes. He couldn’t get enough of Eben’s big, warm body against his. Shock rolled in like a warm fog, buffering him from past and future perils.

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Chapter Twenty Escape

Shock turned out to be pretty good stuff. With Eben taking care of him, it was even better than a dope high. Eben did have to put Xiu down to break into a car and hot-wire it, but afterward he ensconced Xiu in the passenger seat with a musty wool blanket tucked up around his chin to keep him warm. They took the blanket with them when they switched cars in Brookline. From there they drove to Worcester, where Xiu got on the bus on his own, but Eben held his hand the whole time. Eben’s hands were clean. Somewhere along the way he must have washed the blood off them, but Xiu had missed it. By then the shock had worn off, and he had the shakes. Eben didn’t say anything, just held him close and glared at anyone who looked at them twice. Xiu’s blood started itching, and he threw off the blanket. He wanted to crawl out of his skin. The sun was just coming up as they arrived at a little town called Ware. Eben used cash to get them a room at the Easy Rest Motel on the edge of town. The place had been extensively redecorated in 1972. The walls were paneled in dark imitation walnut, and the carpet and bedspread were avocado green. The whole place looked exactly the way Xiu felt. He headed straight for the gold-and-brown-tiled bathroom and threw up in the toilet. Eben knelt beside him and smoothed his hair back from his face. “Dope sick?” Xiu nodded and rested his temple against the cool porcelain of the rim. He was so tired. A mirror hung on the back of the bathroom door, conveniently situated to give Xiu a perfect view of what he’d become. His hair was plastered to his head with sweat. His face was swollen and covered with deep purple bruises. He had a cut on his lip that he didn’t even remember getting. No wonder Eben had kept running his thumb down Xiu’s chin and neck on

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the bus. Despite those efforts, a smear of red left a telltale trail to the red stain on the collar of his torn shirt. And now, to top it all off, little flecks of vomit pebbled Xiu’s lips. He burst into tears. “Aw, Shoe. Come here.” Eben tried to coax Xiu away from the toilet and into his arms. “No.” He pushed Eben’s hands away. He curled up on the cold tile floor and hid his face in his arms. “Don’t look at me.” “No?” Xiu shook his head. Eben sighed. “Because?” “Because I’m ugly!” “No. You’re beautiful.” “How can you say that? I’m all fucked up. My face…and everything hurts, and I can’t stop shaking and…and…” Eben’s hand settled on Xiu’s back, gentle as a cloud. “Your face will heal, and your body will mend, but it’s not those things that make you beautiful anyway. Not to me.” “What then?” Eben ran his hand down Xiu’s back and up again. His touch seemed to ease the shaking a little bit. “Just you.” “Oh Eben.” The floor was as cold and hard as the world, and inches away Eben’s warmth and understanding were just waiting for him. Life was fucking hard enough, and people like Lao and the Kuo brothers would always be around to reinforce that. Xiu pushed himself up, lurched over, and buried his face in Eben’s lap, sobbing. “I want my mai mi and baba!” Eben ran his fingers through Xiu’s hair. “I know. I miss mine too.” Xiu cried until he had to throw up again. “I’m so sorry.” Eben pulled a strand of hair free from the corner of Xiu’s mouth. “Do you want me to go out and try to score for you?” Xiu stared at him while the words penetrated his fractured consciousness. “Score?”

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Eben shrugged. “I’ve been an enforcer a long time. If there’s junk in this town, I can probably find it.” He looked grim. “You want me to stay on it?” Eben stood and went to the sink. He ran a wash cloth under the tap. “No. I don’t. I gotta be honest. I don’t like you using. I think it’s really bad for you. We have to hole up here for a few days anyway. I can take care of you while you get off it. And then, when we’re clear of all this, you can do what people do, get counseling, all that. But it doesn’t matter what I think. I gave up any right to thinking what’s best for you when I broke my promise.” Xiu’s head pounded and Eben’s words were like a cord winding tighter and tighter around his brain. “Promise?” Eben knelt and wiped Xiu’s mouth with the damp cloth. “Not to let anyone ever hurt you again. I made that promise of my own free will. No one pushed me into it. And then I broke it. I was weak. I let Nicky push me around and push you around. I should have fought him. I should have been stronger. So who am I to say that you should be strong now?” Sei laa. He was hallucinating now. Behind Eben stood Xiu’s parents. They smiled at him. “It’s going to be a bad few days,” he said. Did Eben really know what he was offering? “I know. But it won’t kill you. It’ll just make you wish you were dead.” “I was premed. I know.” Eben just looked at him. So did Maa and Baba. “I never wanted it in the first place. I hate being stuck on it.” Eben reached out and took Xiu’s hand. “You don’t have to be.” “It’s how I survived. That and being…” A soft laugh escaped him. He bent his head and put his free hand over his eyes. “I told myself a story. That I was in control. That sex and dope were all I cared about and I was so sexy and so skillful that I ruled over the tricks I turned.” He moved his hand, poking at his split lip with his thumb. “It wasn’t true.” Eben gave him a little lopsided smile. “I bet it was some of the time. The sexy, skillful ruling-over-the-tricks part, I mean.” Xiu drank in the sight of Eben’s smiling face like it was the dope his body craved. Any world that had Eben in it could certainly make room for him to stop being a heroin addict. And

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after that, who knew what else they might do? Xiu took a deep breath and let it out. He nodded. “Let’s do it.” “Okay. Come here?” Eben tilted his head and held out one arm in invitation. Xiu slid over and rested his head on Eben’s shoulder. His shaking eased. This wave was backing off. “Sucks you have to go through this when you’re already hurting,” said Eben. “I’m actually feeling better right now. First wave’s passed. It’ll be a few hours before it comes back. It’ll be worse then.” Eben kissed his hair. “Then we should make the most of this time right now. Come on, let’s get off this cold floor, okay?” He stood up and held out his hand. Xiu took it, and Eben hauled him up. Xiu went to the sink and washed his face, rinsed his mouth. “We’re going to need supplies,” said Eben. “And I should try to contact Rhonda. There’s a Kmart across the street. I can get one of those disposable phones and some food. I don’t want to leave you alone, but if this wave has backed off, this might be the best time. Later…” Xiu followed Eben out of the bathroom. “Yeah.” “Can you stay awake? I don’t want you to fall asleep and choke. Maybe you should come with me.” “No. I look like crap. I’ll attract too much attention. It was bad enough on the bus. I’ll be okay.” Eben stood beside the door. “Go. I promise I won’t choke on my own vomit while you’re gone.” “That’s a promise.” Eben regarded him with grave sincerity. Xiu couldn’t keep from laughing. “Yes. A promise.”

*** Less than half an hour later, Eben was back with six bulging bags. “What did you do, buy the whole store?” asked Xiu.

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“I have plenty of cash. I didn’t know what we might need, and I didn’t want to waste time thinking about what to get, so if it looked useful or fun, I got it.” He deposited the bags on the bed. Xiu pawed through them and pulled out a burgundy fleece pullover that felt like a cloud. “That’s for you.” “It’s so soft.” “I thought you’d like it. I got you some other clothes too.” Eben showed him three pairs of drawstring flannel pants and two pairs of jeans, several T-shirts, another pullover, some underwear, and socks. “Did you get anything for yourself?” “I did.” Eben showed him. “I had a pair like this.” Xiu ran his hand over a pair of drawstring flannel pants with penguins on them. “I know. I loved those. But they didn’t have them in small or even medium. I’m sorry.” “I don’t care. None of that stuff matters to me.” He reached into his pocket, where his little piece of folded up paper with Eben’s hair in it still rested. There was food too. Eben held up a bag of Sausalito cookies and a bar of dark chocolate the size of Xiu’s head. “Wow.” Eben said, “I figured chocolate couldn’t be bad.” “No. Chocolate is definitely good.” “But I got some real food too.” Eben showed him some packages of cold cuts, a bag of carrot sticks, and a loaf of bread. He put them away in the little fridge next to the desk. “You need to eat more. You’re so skinny.” Xiu bridled. “Too skinny?” Eben ran his hand through his hair. “Can we please not make this about you being attractive? You’re sex on wheels, Shoe. I pop a boner at the sight of your left eyebrow. But yeah. You’re too skinny. You need to eat something besides candy and sweet buns.”

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“I’ll just throw it up again.” “Soup.” Eben reached into a bag and pulled out a can of chicken noodle soup. Xiu saw something like six more in the bag. He moaned and rolled over, burying his face in the pillow. “Cold soup? Disgusting.” “No. I bought an electric burner. See?” Xiu sat up again. “You bought two.” He lifted the Norelco and the Samsung and shook his head in bemusement. Eben shrugged and wouldn’t quite meet Xiu’s gaze. “I couldn’t decide which one was better. So I got both. Now we can try them out, and then we’ll know.” He blushed. Hmm. “Check this out.” Eben brandished a boxed set of Animal Heroes Season 2 DVDs. “They were in the discount bin.” “Last season! We haven’t seen those.” “I know. Score!” Xiu went back to sorting through the bags. A pale lavender jug caught his eye. He pulled it out. Jasmine bubble bath. He cocked an eyebrow at Eben. Eben grinned. “That’s for both of us too.” It was the strangest thing. All of a sudden, despite being scared to death of his impending withdrawal and getting the occasional flash of Kuo Kang slamming him against the wall, this ridiculous happiness filled Xiu right up to the brim with bubbles of hope and love. Here they were, in the middle of all of this shit, hiding out, in peril of their lives, and Eben goes and buys jasmine-scented bubble bath. For both of them. “Come here,” said Xiu. Eben crawled across the bed to him. “I rinsed my mouth.” “I know.”

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Xiu put his arms around Eben and kissed him. The soft, warm press of lips gave way to the slippery heat of tongues. All those little bubbles inside Xiu seemed to rise to the surface of his skin, tingling. “Let’s take a bath.” “Good idea.”

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Chapter Twenty-one The Art of Kindness

Xiu let Eben undress him while the tub filled and jasmine scented the air. Every time Eben uncovered a new bruise, he kissed it, his lips soft and gentle. Those kisses bloomed on Xiu’s skin like beautiful flowers. When Eben finally had all of Xiu’s clothes off, he helped Xiu into the tub. The sudsy hot water was heaven. Xiu sank to his chin and watched as Eben shucked off his jacket. “I hate this fucking suit,” he said, tossing it to the floor. “It’s going out in the trash.” He wrenched his tie off over his head and unbuttoned his shirt. As he shrugged out of it, Xiu saw a deep bruise on his bicep and another on his forearm. Xiu sat up. Eben pulled off his T-shirt. Xiu gasped. Bruises mottled Eben’s chest and back. “Eben!” “Huh?” Eben looked up, then followed Xiu’s gaze to his torso. “Oh.” He blushed. “Yeah. You want me to put my shirt back on?” “What? No!” Xiu got out of the tub and dripped his way over to Eben. “Careful, don’t slip.” Eben reached out to steady him. “Don’t slip? Lei pou Eben!” Xiu ran a hand over one of the biggest bruises, a deep brown and green patch over his right pec. “I don’t know what that means,” said Eben.

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“It means you’re ridiculous.” Xiu kissed the bruise. “Here you are, taking care of me all this time, when you…you…” Xiu looked up at him. He raised a hand and traced the fading mark along Eben’s jawline. “Where were you last week, when no one could find you? I can’t believe I haven’t asked you that already.” “You’ve had a few things on your mind. Can we get in the water now? It’s going to get cold.” “You’re not avoiding my question.” “Okay, but…” “Fine.” Xiu unbuttoned Eben’s pants and pulled them down. More marks on his thighs, and when Eben stepped out of his underwear and got into the tub, Xiu saw them all over his back too. It was just a regular tub. Eben took up most of it. Water lapped over the sides as Xiu settled himself between Eben’s upraised knees, facing him. Xiu took a washcloth and soaked it in the bubble bath. “So,” he said, running the cloth up Eben’s arm. There was a hairless strip around Eben’s wrist. “Nicky?” “Yeah.” Eben furrowed his brow and took great interest in the billowing foam floating around them. “You were right about me trying to buy your contract. Bad idea. He didn’t like that. He got real mad.” Xiu washed Eben’s neck and chest. “What happened?” “You’re gonna make me tell you, aren’t you?” The defeat in Eben’s voice stopped Xiu short. All his life Eben had been pushed around by Nicky. No way was Xiu stepping into those shoes. He set the cloth aside and cupped Eben’s face. “No. I won’t make you do anything you don’t want to do. Not ever. I promise.” Eben’s eyes got bright, the skin around them red. “It’s okay.” Eben nodded, and his tears spilled from his eyes. Xiu rose up on his knees and drew Eben’s face to the crook of his neck. He rocked him, stroking a hand up and down Eben’s back. “It’s okay. You don’t have to tell me anything.” It didn’t take a whole lot of imagination to put most of it together, anyway.

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“I want to. It’s just right now there’s so much going on, and I need to make sure you’re okay and keep us safe from Nicky, and I never been away from him before, and…and…” “Okay.” Xiu rocked Eben and stroked his back. “You’re okay. You’re doing just fine. You don’t need Nicky or anybody else to tell you what to do. You’re doing a good job taking care of me, of everything. Really good, Eben.” Eben took a ragged breath. “I’m scared,” he whispered. So was Xiu. And he’d been leaning on Eben as if Eben were made of rock. But he wasn’t. He was just a man—only a year older than Xiu—and he’d never been outside his brother’s influence before. His brother who beat him to punish him for trying to break free. “It’ll be okay. We’ll take care of each other.”

*** Shoe seemed to know just what to say to make Eben feel better. Eben let Shoe’s words and warmth and touch ease his panic. It was healthy to be afraid, but panic was something else again. Panic would get you dead. He hadn’t wanted to talk about his week in Nicky’s suite, because he was afraid of losing it. But then just when he was sure he’d have to spill anyway, Shoe had backed off. Shoe had let Eben have his way. This was a new thing. Something deep inside Eben unwound itself. He felt like he filled out his whole body all of a sudden. Like before he’d been hiding back in there, sort of, only he’d never been aware of it until now. Everything seemed more vivid, the heat of the water, the smell of jasmine, the silken texture of Shoe’s damp skin against his. Intoxicating. Eben hugged Shoe, then pulled back and kissed him. Kissing Shoe was like drinking from a crystal-clear stream. He couldn’t get enough. He pressed harder against Shoe’s soft lips, and they parted. Their tongues touched. Slippery warm. “Is this okay? Do you feel okay?” “Yes. Please. More.” Those breathless words made Eben’s cock fill. He kissed Shoe’s cheeks, his eye, his split lip. “I love you so much.”

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Shoe’s mouth opened. His breath came out in a warm gust. Then he smiled that sweet, sweet smile of his, the one that made his dimple appear. “I love you too. I always did. Even before I knew what love was.” Eben smiled back with his whole body. He stroked his hands down Shoe’s sides and gripped his hips, tugging him closer. “Here,” said Shoe, straddling Eben’s hips and scooting forward until their cocks bumped in the water. He reached down and grasped his own hard-on, jiggling it so it sent water and foam flying. “Bubble cock battle,” said Eben, splashing Shoe back. Foam clung to his smooth chest, gracing one nipple like a little snow cap. “Only I think it would be more fun if we did it the other way around.” “You’re absolutely right,” said Shoe, very serious. Under the water, he wrapped his agile fingers around Eben’s thickness. Tingles spread all over Eben’s skin. He grasped Shoe’s cock and stroked him, drinking in the sight of Shoe’s eyelids fluttering closed, his mouth opening. Eben leaned forward and kissed him again. He was drunk, only better. Shoe leaned forward, and their bodies molded together as if they were made for each other. Shoe tightened his legs around Eben’s hips, and they rocked together. Every buck and flex plunged Eben deeper into the vortex of want and need that held him in its grip. He wanted more. “Shoe. Would you—do you want…want to fuck me again?” Shoe kissed and sucked at Eben’s neck. Sharp prickles of delight raced down Eben’s spine to his groin. “Did you buy condoms?” “I did!” “Good. Let’s get out of the tub. Last thing we need is for one of us to drown.” They toweled each other off. Eben picked Shoe up and carried him to the bed. “You don’t have to do that,” said Shoe. “I know. I like to. I’d carry you everywhere if I could. You don’t like…?”

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Shoe blushed. “Actually I do. A lot.” “Well that works out then, doesn’t it?” Shoe nodded, and Eben dropped him down on the bed so he bounced, and then bounced onto the bed after him. From among the scattered bags, he snagged the lube and condoms he’d bought because they absolutely could not be a bad thing to have around. He ripped open the box of condoms with more force than necessary, and they scattered all over the bed. “Easy there, tiger boy.” Shoe tore a foil packet from one of the strips and held it in his teeth. He pushed Eben down onto his back and crawled on top of him. He flattened against Eben, rubbing their cocks together and lapping at one of Eben’s nipples. A zing of electricity shot down to the base of Eben’s cock. He flexed his hips and groaned. “I want you so bad, Eben. This is probably—the next few days are going to be—” “I know. But after that we’ll have the rest of our lives to do everything we want. Just—I need you now, Shoe. Please.” Shoe squirted lube onto his fingers and went to work getting Eben ready. He sucked on Eben’s nipple while he petted and stroked Eben’s hole. Eben’s cock was so hard it felt like it was made out of steel. It pulsed when Shoe slid a finger inside him. Precum beaded at the tip. Shoe’s cock pressed against Eben’s hip, leaving a little kiss of wetness. Eben ran his hands down Shoe’s back, over his shoulders, delighting in the smooth texture of his skin. “You are so beautiful.” “And you are sweeter than beng bing.” Eben didn’t know what that was, but he got what Shoe meant anyway. Finally Shoe knelt between Eben’s legs and guided his cock to Eben’s hole. As his heat filled Eben, Shoe closed his eyes. His head fell back, and then he raised it again, opened his eyes, and looked right at Eben. He leaned in, pressing deeper, stretching Eben wide just like he’d done from the start. From that very first day Shoe had opened Eben up, making room for him to feel things he’d never thought possible. Shoe’s cock slid over that special spot inside Eben, and his whole body pulsed with joy. He cried out.

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“Hai!” said Shoe. He pulled back until just the tip of his cock rested within Eben’s outer ring of muscles, and then thrust back in again, slowly, letting Eben feel every inch. When he brushed against that spot a second time, heavy sweetness poured from every part of Eben’s body and collected in the pit of his stomach. “Jesus, Shoe!” Shoe fucked him slow and steady, and the thick honey gathered in Eben’s belly with every stroke. “You’re really good at this.” Shoe’s expression of deep concentration broke, and he grinned. “I’m glad to hear it. It’s probably the one thing I have the least practice at.” Eben rocked his hips up to meet Shoe’s next thrust. “That’s good then. You’re a natural.” Shoe stared at him a moment, then suddenly grabbed Eben by the hips and thrust into him hard and fast. “You set me on fire! I love you so much!” The pounding made Eben’s toes curl and his balls tighten. “Jesus, Shoe! Yes! Go!” They slammed against each other as if they could meld into one being. Eben grabbed the sheets in his fists. Honey poured into his belly from his hands, his feet, his head—everywhere. Shoe grabbed Eben’s cock in an iron grip and stroked it in time with their rapid thrusts. His touch set off a waterfall, flooding the pool of sweetness in the pit of Eben’s stomach. It was going to overflow. Any second now. They both cried out in unison. Eben shot thick jets of cum all over his chest and Shoe’s hand. Shoe thrust up into Eben and went still, his eyes closed, his face lifted up, his mouth open. His breath left him in a great sigh, and he sank down to rest against Eben, both of them damp with sweat and cum.

*** Long after they both softened, Xiu rested against Eben, cradled in his strength, moved by his gentleness. He had never known he could feel so many things about one person at the same time. He felt protected by Eben and protective of Eben. He was proud of him and afraid for him. In love with him. Eben ran his hands up and down Xiu’s back, his light touch sending tingles dancing across Xiu’s skin.

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Suddenly the tingles became ants crawling, biting. No. Not so soon. He started to shake. His stomach rolled. Zou gou! He sat up. “I’m sorry.” “No. No sorry.” Eben pushed himself up on one arm. “It’s getting worse again?” Xiu nodded. Suddenly every cell in his body was crying out for heroin. He wanted to tell Eben he’d changed his mind about quitting. Except he hadn’t. Still. He was so scared. He knew withdrawal wouldn’t kill him, but somehow that didn’t stop him from feeling like he was going to die. He shivered. “Here,” said Eben, grabbing the burgundy fleece pullover and helping him put it on. Warm and soft on Xiu’s sensitive skin, if one of Eben’s hugs could be worn, this would be it. “Let’s get you tucked in, okay?” Eben helped Xiu under the covers and propped pillows behind him so he could sit up without the headboard digging into his back. He took the wastebasket from beneath the desk and set it on the bedside table. “In case you need to throw up again.” Eben put the first disc of Animal Heroes Season 2 into the DVD player. He put on his penguin pants, made himself a bologna sandwich, heated some soup for Xiu, and before long they were cuddled together in bed, watching Willy the Wonder Poodle bully his owner into going into the basement just seconds before the tornado hit. If it weren’t for the ants crawling underneath Xiu’s skin, it would have been heaven.

*** They watched Animal Heroes until Shoe couldn’t watch anything. After that Eben held him and stroked his hair and cleaned him up and rocked him and sang and cleaned him up some more. Around three in the morning, Shoe got a break and fell asleep. It seemed like a good time to call Rhonda. After a monumental struggle with the bubble pack—why hadn’t he bought scissors?—Eben finally got the prepaid cell phone out of its package and charged it up. “Jesus Christ. Where are you?” asked Rhonda. “I thought you were dead. No one can find you.” “Good. What’s going on? Are you okay? Did you talk to the feds?”

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She took an audible drag on her cigarette. “Yeah, I talked to them. But by the time they found Nicky’s car, there were no drugs in it. He stashed the stuff, and nobody knows where. All hell’s broken loose—did you kill Lao?” “I’m not going to answer that.” “Well, somebody did, and Lao’s people think Nicky called it in. A bunch of them gunned down Bill and Pete right outside the Shillelagh. Then O’Malley saw an opportunity, and he tried to take out Nicky, Paul, and Jimmy at Club Seven.” “Is Nicky dead?” “No. No one knows where he is. Him or the other two. They took out Mike and five of his best guys in the shootout, though. O’Malleys are done, at least for a while.” “Jesus Christ.” “See what you started?” Eben sucked in a deep breath. He didn’t know what to say or how to feel. But Nicky was still alive. “Are you okay?” “Yeah. Your Father Gonzalez is okay for a priest. He’s been visiting me. The feds have me under wraps to keep me safe and maybe to keep me from running. I don’t know. But everybody wants you to come in, Eben. They all say they need you. Even if they can find Nicky, they need your testimony in order to make something stick. They want me to tell them if you contact me.” “You gonna?” “Only if you want me to.” “You’re my best friend, Rhonda.” “Aw, honey. Listen, I hate to ask. Is Xiu—” “It’s better if I don’t say.” “Okay. Well, I been talking with the agents. And I hired a lawyer. And I been finding out about immigration law. They tend to be lenient in trafficking cases, especially if the person cooperates in any investigations into the ring.” “That’s good to know. Look at you, lawyering up.”

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“Father Gonzalez put me in touch with a women’s legal aid organization that does pro bono work for sex workers. Imagine!” Eben laughed. “It’s really good to hear your voice. But I better not talk too long. It’s a school night.” “Ah. Gotcha. Okay. Good night.” Eben turned off the phone and took out the battery. He poured himself a cup of coffee and paced the floor, thinking over everything Rhonda had said, wondering what to do. Just like in the Kmart when he was trying to decide what to buy, he thought about asking Nicky. Yeah, that’s right. Ask Nicky about how to hide from Nicky and when to go to the feds to rat Nicky out. Genius. Funny thing was, if it were some other guy he was hiding out from, he knew exactly what Nicky would tell him. Most guys who go to ground don’t stay down long enough. Every time you move, you risk getting spotted. You did a good job hiding your trail, so stay the fuck put. What about the feds? Let the feds fucking wait. They don’t even have me yet. What do they need you for? Over on the bed, Shoe stirred. Slicked with sweat he tossed back and forth, groaning. Nicky was right, and Eben had something else to focus on right now. He went and poured Shoe a glass of water.

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Chapter Twenty-two Happy Hollow

After three days the worst was over. Xiu fell into an exhausted sleep, and when he awoke again, he was famished. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d actually felt hungry. He rolled over to find Eben sitting up, his back against the headboard. His eyes were red, and there were dark circles under them. He held a cup of coffee the way a drowning person grips a life buoy. He smiled. “Hey.” “Hey.” Xiu sat up and kissed him. “Have you slept at all?” “No!” Eben pulled back as if he’d been accused of slaughtering puppies. “Of course not.” “But—” “I couldn’t sleep.” Eben lifted the mug to his mouth. Now he was the one trembling. “I had to make sure you were okay.” Xiu took the mug from him and set it aside. “Well, I’m better now, and you’ve been up for what…?” Eben shrugged. Xiu did the math. “Four days.” “You’re feeling better now?” “Yes. I think I’m through it.” Eben smiled and hugged him. “I’m glad. I’m so proud of you.” “I couldn’t have done it without you. Now you’ve been taking care of me all this time. It’s my turn. Get under the covers.” Xiu tucked Eben in and made himself a sandwich. “Wow, look at you, eating,” said Eben.

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“I know, right? Aren’t you supposed to be sleeping?” “I can’t. I think I forgot how.” Xiu brought his plate with him and climbed into bed beside Eben. “Here, put your head in my lap.” “Okay but I don’t think that’s going to help me fall asleep.” “Not your face, silly, your head. Here.” Xiu helped Eben settle and then stroked from his ear to his jaw and down his neck. “Shhhh, shhhhh, shhhh.” “Do you feel different?” “I don’t know. I think it’s the kind of thing that will take time to really feel.” “Are you sure you’re okay?” “I’m sure.” Xiu took another bite of his sandwich. Eben closed his eyes. A moment later he opened them again. “We need to buy a new phone. I have to call Rhonda again, and I don’t want to use the same one twice. We’re almost out of food too, and we need something to cut the new phone out of its package. Those bubble packs are insane. I had to chew it open the last time.” Xiu laughed. “Seriously. A scissors or a knife. I mean a good knife.” “Okay. We’ll take care of it. But after you’ve slept a little, okay?” “I don’t know. What if—” Eben seemed to drift off in midsentence. A moment later he jerked awake again. “What if something happens?” “You’ll fall asleep in the middle of it, whatever it is. How’s this? You go to sleep, and I’ll go across the street and buy a new phone, and then—” “Take the old phone with you. Call Rhonda if something happens. No. Call the cops first, then Rhonda.” “Okay. I’ll take the old one along and buy a new one, and when you wake up, you can call Rhonda, or if you want, I can call her while you sleep. Okay?” Eben snored. Xiu sat for a while, just watching him.

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Did he feel different after withdrawal? How could he tell? Everything was different now.

*** On his way back from Kmart, Xiu spotted Jimmy’s Lincoln parked around the corner from the motel. Adrenaline shot through his body like a jolt of electricity. He ducked behind one of the pillars supporting the motel’s sign and scanned the area. He couldn’t see anyone. He had a good view of the car from here, and it was empty. But the door to their room was ajar. Shit. He fumbled through the bags until he found the hunting knife he’d bought because it could open a bubble pack just as well as a scissors could and, well, it was a knife. A vague, desperate plan began to form in his mind. The new phone was useless. No charge. But he had the old one in his pocket. The door to their room opened, and Jimmy, Nicky, and Paul emerged, dragging Eben with them. Eben wasn’t moving. Jimmy and Paul each had him by an arm. Was he dead? Xiu didn’t have time to find out. He was closer to the car than Nicky and them. He knew Jimmy’s car. It had one of those backseats that folded down and provided access to the trunk. Xiu ran, bent low to the ground, and took cover on the far side of the vehicle. Please be open, please be open, please be open. He tried the rear passenger’s side door. It clicked open. He got in and shut it behind him, then yanked the backseat down. He crawled into the trunk and pulled the seat panel closed again.

*** Cold water jolted Eben into consciousness. He started and sputtered. “Wake up, you fucking rat!” Nicky. Eben sucked in a breath and coughed. He blinked and groaned at the pain in the back of his head. When he tried to lift his hands to wipe his face, he couldn’t. What the fuck? Oh. Yeah.

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The last thing he remembered was a dream of Shoe soaring naked over Andrew Square on angel wings and then Nicky’s face, angry as he’d ever seen it. Then an explosion of pain in the back of his head, and now… He blinked again and took in his surroundings. He was bound to the metal folding chair that stood in the middle of the old slaughterhouse at Happy Hollow. He knew this place like the back of his hand, from the stained concrete floor to the cobwebs in the rafters, but he’d never seen it from this particular angle before. Nicky, Paul, and Jimmy stood around him in a semicircle. Rage, resolve, and hatred. Shoe was nowhere in sight. Had he escaped? “Traitor!” screamed Nicky, and he hit Eben across the face with the back of his fist. Eben’s head snapped to the side. A bright coal of pain burned in his cheekbone. “You should wrap your hands, Nicky,” Eben told him. “Fuck you!” Nicky slammed his fist into Eben’s face. Something popped. A fireball detonated, sending bursts of agony outward from Eben’s nose. He grunted and gasped for breath. The plastic lock-ties they used to fasten him to the chair bit into his wrists and ankles as he writhed. He was fucked. He was on a one-way trip to the feed grinder, but there was a good chance that Shoe was clear and away from this madness. If they had him, they’d likely have him here, so Eben could see what they did to him. Unless they’d already—No. No. He’d escaped. Eben had to believe that. “I know you don’t want to do this.” “Shut up.” Nicky backhanded him again. Warm blood trickled down his face. It already hurt so bad, and this was just the beginning. “What do you think Ma would say if she knew what you were doing to your own brother? Do you think she does know? Can she see us right now, do you think?” “How dare you bring up Ma, you faggot piece of shit rat!” Nicky punched Eben in the mouth. Eben tasted blood. Nicky grabbed one of the chains hanging looped over a rafter and yanked it down. Fuck.

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“Nicky, why don’t you leave this to me and Jimmy?” said Paul. “We’ll take care of it. You don’t need to—” “Fuck that! It’s my fucking brother. I’ll do it.” Paul glanced at Jimmy, who shrugged. Paul held up his hands and backed off. Something perverse inside Eben made him want to keep on goading Nicky. “We had a good run, though, don’t you think?” Nicky’s knuckles on the hand gripping the chain went white. “For once in your life, would you shut the fuck up?” “Why should I? You’re going to kill me anyway, right?” “It can be quick, or it can be slow.” Eben laughed, even though he felt sick inside. “It’s gonna be slow. We both know that. Hey, do you remember how in the orphanage, you used to steal the other kids’ milk, and I’d keep them from coming after you?” Nicky’s jaw muscle jumped. “And do you remember that dog?” “God fucking damn it!” Nicky swung the chain.

*** Xiu crouched at the back of the large brick structure into which Jimmy and Paul had hauled Eben. They’d taken him in through the front, where a large entranceway had probably been used for livestock at one time. Back here there was just this one wooden door, worn with age. Xiu peered through a knothole. He couldn’t see much—stacks of rotting feed and an old tractor blocked his view. He could see Paul and Jimmy in one corner, and just the top of Nicky’s head and his arm, swinging a chain. But he could hear everything. “You’ve got to hurry,” he said to Special Agent Ludlow on the cellphone. “They’re going to kill him.” “We’re almost there. Just keep this line open and stay out of harm’s way.” Xiu took note of the latch on the door. It was fastened with a rusted padlock, but the hasp itself looked like one good yank could pull it right out of the desiccated wood. The rattle of chain and Eben’s sharp grunt propelled Xiu toward it. He used the hunting knife to pry the latch free.

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It gave just as sirens wailed and the various sheds, barns, and overgrown weeds of Happy Hollow strobed red and blue with the flashing of squad lights. “Fuck!” yelled Jimmy. Xiu pulled the door open in time to see Nicky, Jimmy, and Paul running out the front. “Get to the barn,” said Nicky. Xiu dodged around the feed stacks to where Eben sat, hands and feet bound to the metal folding chair, his head bowed, his shoulders slumped. Every footfall revealed more details—the blood in his hair, on his face. Worst of all, he wasn’t moving. Xiu’s heart sank. “Eben.” Eben didn’t look up. He was covered in blood. His lip was split. There was a gash across his cheekbone. Xiu shook him by the shoulder. “Eben! Eben!” Was he breathing? Eben’s chest expanded as he suddenly gasped. Relief poured through Xiu. Eben coughed, gasped again, and lifted his face. His blue eyes were the same, though the rest of his face was a mangled, bloody mess. “Shoe? What are you doing here?” “I’m here for you,” he said, and he knelt to cut the bindings. “Those lights. Did you call the cops?” “Yeah.” Xiu sawed at one of the zip straps that tied Eben to the chair. Hooray for the hunting knife. “Go on. Get out of here. They might come back.” “I’m not leaving you.” Xiu cut through one of the restraints and moved to the next.

*** Shoe had appeared out of nowhere, piercing the wet, red fog of agony that cloaked Eben. Dread washed over him at first, until he realized that Shoe was okay, was free, and Nicky and Jimmy and Paul were gone. What had happened? The flash of red and blue lights reminded him. Shoe had called the cops. Would Nicky run or fight? Every aching bone in Eben’s body screamed why should I care?

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But he did. Shots rang out. Eben levered himself out of the chair, moving as if he’d rusted in place. “Stay here. Hide in the tractor cab.” “Fuck that. Not unless you come with me.” Eben staggered toward the door and Shoe came along, damn him. He put an arm around Eben’s waist and tucked a shoulder under Eben’s arm. “You’re not going out there,” he said, propping Eben up and trying to steer him around toward the tractor. But Eben could see through the door now. He could see the police taking cover behind their cars and the SWAT guys up in the silo. He saw Jimmy lying on the ground, staring up at the sky with a hole in his chest. And he saw Nicky, crouching behind an oil drum, three feet from the door to the big barn. If he made it in there, it would be a lot harder for them to get him out. They’d lose guys, probably, and probably they knew that. “Nicky, they’ll shoot you if you try it. Surrender! Surrender now!” yelled Eben. “Shut the fuck up!” Nicky made a dash for it. “No!” Eben tried to lurch through the doorway, but Shoe hauled him back. The cops opened fire. Their bullets ripped through Nicky’s midsection. Blood bloomed across his shirt like big red poppies. He bent in the middle and went down. The firing stopped, and he lay still. I promise I will always take care of Nicky and protect him from his enemies. “Nicky!” Eben broke free from Shoe and ran. He dropped to his knees beside his brother. Nicky’s belly was a bloody ruin, but his face was untouched. He looked like he was sleeping. Eben pressed his hands to the poppies, trying to stop their spreading, but it didn’t matter. They’d already drawn all the life out of his brother. A sob tore free from Eben’s chest as if wrenched out by the ghost of his mother. “I promise, Ma.” Dead. Nicky was dead, and so were the words that had tied Eben to him for all these years. What in the fuck was Eben going to do now, without Nicky to obey or disobey?

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“Eben.” Shoe took his hand. “Eben, I’m sorry. But you have to leave him. They’ve got Paul now. They need to—” “Stand up and put your hands on your head!” Eben looked up to find five cops in SWAT uniforms leveling their weapons at him and Shoe. “I’m Song Xiu!” Shoe helped Eben up. “This is Eben Flannery. He was brought here against his will. He’s a witness. He needs medical attention.” Medical attention? Oh yeah. As if on cue the whole yard began to sway. The last thing Eben saw was Shoe’s panicked face with the blue sky behind it. Like his dream, only not exactly. “You were flying,” he said, and then everything went dark.

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Chapter Twenty-three Law

Eben floated to the surface of consciousness as if rising to the top of a deep pool of warm chocolate pudding. He opened his eyes to see a fluorescent light fixture overhead. White walls and lots of machines. A tube was taped to his arm. Hospital. Shoe slept in a chair next to the bed. Eyes closed and lips faintly parted, he looked more beautiful than ever despite his fading bruises. Eben just stared at him, letting the reality of the fact that they were both still alive sink in. It felt like the doctors had replaced Eben’s heart with a balloon while he’d been sleeping, and it was expanding and getting lighter with every breath he took. Grace. Is that what Father Gonzalez would call this? What would Nicky call it? Oh right. He wouldn’t, not anymore. Nicky was dead. Eben and Shoe had managed to save each other, but nobody could save Nicky. The weight of grief tethered Eben’s balloon, kept it from floating away up into the sky forever. Made this real. Eben remembered now. He’d been in the chair in the slaughterhouse, getting the beatdown of his life. Nothing more than he deserved. He’d done the same to so many. He should be hurting something awful now, but he wasn’t. He and his balloon were floating. They must have him on drugs. Or it was grace. Shoe stirred and opened his eyes. “Eben?” He pushed himself upright. “Eben!” “Hey.” Shoe reached for his hand. Eben wrapped his thick fingers around Shoe’s delicate ones and brought them to his mouth. He kissed them.

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“You’re okay,” they said in unison. Shoe laughed. The sight sent Eben soaring. “When I came to in the slaughterhouse and I didn’t see you, I knew they didn’t have you. I knew it.” Shoe gripped Eben’s hand and gazed at him, his wide smile at odds with the tears shining in his eyes. “I’m sorry I couldn’t get you out sooner.” “Nah,” said Eben. “You came just in time.” Shoe laughed again, and a tear escaped and rolled down his cheek, but he wiped it away. “The doctors say you’re going to be okay. You have a lot of stitches, and they had to set your nose, but they say your ribs will heal on their own so long as you take it easy, and your spleen is just bruised, not ruptured.” “I guess Nicky went easy on me.” They both laughed again, a little grimmer this time, and fresh pain lanced Eben’s heart, but it was still overpowered by the warm reality of Shoe’s hand squeezing his. “I’m so sorry about your brother,” said Shoe. “He—I mean—He was your brother.” “Yeah.” Voices came from outside the room. “Yes, you can let me in. I’m his best friend, and Special Agent Ludlow has a full statement from me. Check with him if you have to. I’m in this as deep as he is.” Rhonda! A few minutes of radio squawk and bitching later, the door opened, and she hurried in, dressed in a cream and beige suit with her hair pulled back in a ponytail. “Eben! You’re awake!” She handed Shoe a leather folio. “These are the forms I told you about. Fill them out, and I’ll give them to Nancy McCreedy to file for you.” “Thanks,” said Shoe. “Forms?” said Eben. “Immigration. I’ve got a good lawyer, remember I told you? Now that you’re awake I’ll send her to talk to you too. You absolutely have to have a lawyer, Eben.” Rhonda leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. She squeezed his shoulder and looked him over critically. “How are you?” She looked to Shoe. “How is he?”

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“I’m okay. I think they have me on some pretty good pain medication.” “Yeah,” said Shoe, eyeing the IV bag. A shining droplet fell. He took a hard candy out of his pocket and sucked on it. “Has the hospital social worker been in to see you?” said Rhonda, still looking at Shoe. “Huh?” Shoe started and stared at her, eyes wide. “Oh, yes. Yes. I start on Monday.” “Good.” “Start?” said Eben. Shoe blushed. “Counseling,” said Rhonda. “Oh, yeah. Good.” Eben reached for Shoe and squeezed his hand. Shoe gave close attention to the bed rail. Eben tugged at him until he looked up. “That’s good.” Shoe gave him that wide smile again, the one that came with shining eyes. Only this time the shine didn’t seem sad, exactly. His dimple showed up too. Always a good sign. “Now listen, Eben,” said Rhonda. “As soon as Ludlow finds out you’re awake, he’s going to be all over you. You need to talk with your lawyer first. In fact, I’m calling Nancy right now to see how soon she can get over here.” Eben shook his head. “I’m just going to tell them everything. It’s the least I can do now.” “You definitely want to cooperate with them, but you need somebody who knows the law who can negotiate on your behalf. So you don’t wind up in jail yourself.” “Maybe that’s where I belong,” said Eben, thinking of that chair in the slaughterhouse. “No!” yelled Shoe. Eben couldn’t remember ever seeing him really angry before. “He’s right,” said Rhonda, her phone to her ear. “We need you out here with us. Yes, may I speak with Nancy McCreedy please? This is her client, Rhonda Davis.” She wandered toward the door, mouthed I’ll do this outside at them, and left the room. Shoe’s grip on Eben’s hand was like a vise. “You can’t go to jail.” “What about you?” He lowered his voice to barely a whisper. “Did you tell anyone about Lao?”

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“I did. I told Nancy. She’s good. You do what she says, Eben. She helped me with talking to the detectives, and they’re calling it self-defense.” “That’s good. It was.” Shoe lifted one shoulder and stared at the IV drip. “I stabbed him without thinking, but then…I didn’t have to press the plunger.” “And what would have happened if you hadn’t?” Shoe bit his lip and looked down. “Hmm?” Eben jiggled his hand. Shoe took a deep breath and let it out. “Yeah.” “Yeah. And maybe it makes me a bad person, but I’m glad he’s dead. Not that you had to do it, but glad all the same. He was… Well, I guess he was like Nicky.” “But Nicky was your brother.” Eben nodded. Suddenly just Shoe’s hand in his was not enough. He poked at the buttons on the bed rail. “What are you trying to do?” asked Shoe. “Get this down so you can climb in here with me.” “Is that allowed?” “I don’t care.” “Watch it. You’re going to pull out your IV. Let me.” Shoe got the rail down and slid in beside him. “Careful,” he said, arranging the drip line so they could lie side by side without crushing it. “I don’t know what you think we’re going to do—” Eben kissed him. Shoe gave a little gasp, then kissed Eben back, his soft lips pressing against the right side of Eben’s mouth, away from his cut. Shoe stroked the sides of Eben’s face with his gentle fingers. He pulled back and gazed into Eben’s eyes. “I was so afraid. I thought they were going to kill you.” Eben ran his fingers down the side of Shoe’s neck. “They would have, if it weren’t for you.”

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Shoe kissed his forehead, his cheeks, his eyes. “Well, we’re even then.” Eben bent his head and pressed his face to the hollow between Shoe’s neck and shoulder. He kissed and licked at the tender skin, so warm, so alive. He felt Shoe’s pulse quickening. “You gave me back to myself,” said Shoe, running a hand down Eben’s chest. He found an opening in the hospital gown and tunneled his fingers through Eben’s chest hair. His touch sent tingles racing up and down Eben’s body. “Well, you taught me who I really am,” said Eben. He nibbled Shoe’s ear. Shoe made a soft, happy sound. He leaned forward, pressing his body against Eben’s. His erection poked Eben in the belly. The warm heat of Shoe’s desire awoke a sweet ache in the pit of Eben’s stomach. His cock twitched. He flexed his hips, pushing back against Shoe. Shoe moaned. He kissed Eben, slipping his tongue between Eben’s lips to lick and press and stroke. He tasted like lemon drops. Eben’s skin tingled all over, and his cock filled. He ran his free hand down Shoe’s back to cup his ass and gather him closer. Shoe whimpered and kissed him harder, pressed against him harder. He rubbed at Eben’s nipples. Sharp jolts of electric delight shot down into Eben’s balls. He broke their kiss and bent his head to nuzzle at the collar of Shoe’s shirt. Shoe unbuttoned it, giving Eben access to more of his smooth, creamy skin. He arched his back. Eben scooched down until he could taste Shoe’s pebbled rose-brown nipple. “Mmmmmm.” Shoe extricated his hand from the hospital gown and reached lower. He grasped Eben’s hard-on with a firm grip. “Look at you. All beat up, doped up, and still.” Eben lifted his head from Shoe’s chest and looked up at him. “There’s no stopping me when it comes to you.” “I guess not.” Shoe smiled, and his dimple appeared. He laughed, a sound like clear water splashing.

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Eben squeezed Shoe’s ass and then trailed a hand over his hip. “Undo your jeans.” “What if someone comes in?” “We’re already kind of, you know. Might as well. Just hurry.” He undid his jeans. Eben reached in, gathering the velvety, heated flesh in his palm. Shoe moaned and arched his back. He started stroking Eben. Waves of electric delight washed over Eben from head to toe. He worked Shoe’s cock with his free hand. They thrust and stroked together, in sync, stoking the fire between them. The quickening in Eben’s belly told him he was close. So close already. “I wish we could do more,” he said, panting. Shoe’s eyes glittered. His face gleamed with a fine sheen of sweat. “We will.” “Yeah.” The rhythm of their impending release rocked Eben. “We’ll have all our lives to do everything together.” “Yes!” Shoe’s hips and hand moved faster. He gasped. “Will you marry me?” “Huh?” Shoe’s movements became frantic. “Loe hau seoi zoi gong gwo. What?” The ball of energy in Eben’s belly pulsed. “Marry me!” “Oh! O-okay!” Shoe cried out, spasming as hot cum shot from his cock and painted Eben’s belly. “Yeah? Yeah!” Eben’s ball of energy turned itself inside out. The world flipped over, and he came, shooting ribbons of cum all over Shoe’s hand and stomach. They rested against each other. “Shoe?” “Hmm?” “You said yes, right?” “Hai. Of course I said yes, you big gwai lo. There’s just one thing.” Eben pulled back and looked at him. “What is it?”

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Shoe looked stern. “You have to learn how to pronounce my name correctly.” “What? I do!” Shoe grinned. “I don’t?”

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Epilogue Mended

Five years later

“Ahh! Yes! That’s it. A little higher.” “Uh! Ha!” “Uh-huh. More. Good.” “Like that?” “Harder. Yes. Yes! You’re really getting good at this.” “I’ve got the best teacher.” Rose Hazelton, an eighty-year-old grandmother in an embroidered cardigan, put Eben in an arm lock and pushed him down. “Agh! Awesome! Yes! You did it!” said Eben, his arm bent back behind him and his face pressed against the mat. “Okay, you can release me now.” He tapped out. Eben got up to find her beaming with pride. The rest of the class was clapping. “Congratulations, Rose. You just did your first reverse arm lock.” Eben rolled his shoulder and turned to the others. “Thanks, everybody. That’s it for tonight. You all did great. Thursday we’ll start getting into kicks.” Gary gave a little clap, and Sanaa bounced on the balls of her feet. All of them filed out, looking weary but happy. “Thank you, Eben!” “Thanks!” “See you Thursday!” “Kicks!”

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Flannery School of Self-Defense was located where the yoga studio used to be, next to the coffeehouse and around the corner from St. Benedict’s. It attracted a diverse group of students. He did specialized workshops at senior citizen centers and elementary schools in addition to a full schedule of classes and private instruction at his school. His school. Eben still got a little zing from that every time he thought about it. It had been Xiu’s idea, and Rhonda had helped with the paperwork and legal stuff. During the investigation that had led to Paul’s life sentence, she’d taken to law like a duck to water. Afterward she got her undergrad degree, and now, she was attending Northeastern University School of Law—full scholarship. As he walked around his classroom, folding mats, Eben made a note to stop off at the bakery in the morning. He needed to order the cake for the surprise party he and Xiu were throwing for her birthday next week. Eben turned out the lights and locked up. He walked down the street to the town house he shared with the two most important people in his life. Rhonda lived downstairs, he and Xiu upstairs. Rhonda’s windows were dark. She had a night class on Tuesdays, and lately she’d been getting coffee afterward with some of the other students. There was a Neil she’d mentioned a couple of times, and Eben was pretty sure he had something to do with that. But a light was on in the upstairs. Xiu was home, probably studying. He was in his second year of med school. It was a lot of work. Not just school, but he had to work in a medical facility too, for training. Eben was so proud of him. And so relieved that he didn’t have to go through what Xiu and Rhonda did. There’d been a lot of talk for a while there about how he wasn’t stupid, and he should go to school too, and he could do anything he wanted. He’d had counseling. No chance of ducking that with both Xiu and Rhonda doing it. He knew he wasn’t dumb. All the same he was glad he didn’t have to go to school for years and years. He already knew how to do something useful, and now he’d found a way help other people with it. They were all of them lucky, the three survivors of the Flannery organization. Eben didn’t tell the other two, but secretly, he thought he was the luckiest of all.

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Eben let himself in and ran up the stairs to find Xiu sitting cross-legged on the couch with a medical text in his lap. Light from the lamp on the side table bathed him in gold. It gleamed in his dark, silken hair and burnished his smooth, unmarred skin. He wore the pair of penguin jammy pants Eben had finally found in his size last Christmas, and his burgundy fleece pullover, which he refused to be parted with, despite its threadbare condition. He looked up as Eben came in, and he smiled. Dimple. Eben’s heart swelled up just as big as it had that first day at the Starbucks. Bigger. “Hey, how’s it going?” He sank down on the couch and pulled Xiu into his arms. Xiu kissed him. “Did you know that macrophagic myofasciitis causes an abnormal infiltrate to surround the muscle tissue of specialized immune cells?” “That sounds so dirty.” Xiu laughed, then collapsed against him and hugged him tight. “I’m so glad you’re home!” “Tough day?” Xiu slid down into Eben’s lap and stretched. His warm, lithe body rubbed against Eben’s thighs and belly. “Just long. Long, long, long, long.” Xiu reached his hands to the arm of the couch and arched, like a cat luxuriating in being petted. He flopped back down. “And I have to go out again in a couple hours. Night shift at South Boston.” “They work you to the bone,” said Eben, stretching out alongside Xiu on the couch and wrapping his arms around him. He kissed the back of Xiu’s neck. “Mmmm.” Xiu rested against him. Warm and solid. Eben closed his eyes and drank in the feeling. The ordinariness of it was one of its most precious qualities. “I can think of one bone I still have left,” said Xiu. He took Eben’s hand and moved it down to his pants. Eben grinned. “You’re holding a lot of tension there.” Xiu rolled to face him. “Yeah.” He looked very serious. “In my ass too.” Eben nuzzled Xiu’s neck. “It is your turn, isn’t it?” “Mmmm-hmmm.”

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Eben kissed Xiu, drinking the sweetness of his mouth. They shifted, and Eben straddled Xiu’s hips. “I bet I can make you forget all about macrophagic myofasciitis.” He dipped his hips down to brush his erection against Xiu’s. “That’s exactly what I need.” Eben trailed kisses down Xiu’s neck and got the very lovely reward of Xiu writhing beneath him. He unzipped the collar of Xiu’s pullover to expose the hollow of his throat. Eben ran teeth and tongue across Xiu’s clavicle—a word he knew now thanks to Xiu—and reached for the drawstring of the penguin pants.

*** Xiu was at the intake desk at the South Boston Rehab Center when the doors opened and a man came in. He was roughly Xiu’s age and height, with sandy blond hair and blue eyes. He was unshaven, and his dirty clothes hung off his thin frame. He looked about nervously and made his way toward the counter with hesitant steps. “Hello. How can I help you?” asked Xiu, offering him a smile. He flinched and took a step backward. He was shaking. “It’s okay,” said Xiu. “We can help you.” He shook his head. “You can believe me. I got help here when I needed it.” He took a step closer to the counter. “Yeah?” Xiu nodded. “Heroin.” The man looked Xiu up and down, took in his white coat. “But you’re a doctor.” “Medical student. And I’ve been clean for three years.” Two years after kicking it for the first time, Xiu had backslid and used heroin again. That had been a very bad time, but as always, Eben had seen him through it. Now, Xiu never even thought about using anymore. “It’s not easy, but you already did one of the hardest parts just walking in here today.” “Yeah?” Xiu smiled again. “Take it from someone who knows. Here.” He held out a pen. “Why don’t you let me help you fill out the form?”

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He swallowed and looked at the door and then back at Xiu. At last he nodded and came all the way up to the counter. “I don’t write so good.” “That’s okay. You can just tell me the information, and I’ll fill it in. It’s not a complicated form. Let’s start with your name.” “Jack Parker,” he said.

Loose Id Titles by Jessica Freely Amaranth and Ash Broken Hero Rust Belt The Ice Prince

*** The AWAKENINGS Series Virgin Instinct

Jessica Freely Jessica Freely has been writing and publishing genre fiction under a variety of names for over fifteen years, but it wasn’t until she stumbled upon a stash of Jay and Silent Bob fanfiction that she found her true calling: male/male romance. She hasn’t looked back since. Visit her Web site at http://www.friskbiskit.com to find out her latest news.