Beloved Benefactor

BELOVED BENEFACTOR Yvonne Whittal

Although she had never met him, Toni felt through his letters that she knew the unknown benefactor who had been so kind and generous to her ever since she was a ten-year-old orphan, and she relied on him heavily. So it was a sad blow when he wrote to say he thought it best that their correspondence should come to an end. It was fortunate that at just this' time Toni should have met Tarquin Radloff, a man she knew she could love and who could perhaps take the place of her benefactor. But Tarquin persisted in treating her as a child and keeping himself at a distance. Could Toni put up with this situation for long?

CHAPTER ONE ANTOINETTE SCHAFER stared thoughtfully at the bulky envelope in her hand on which she had written no name, or address, and, as usual, her curiosity knew no bounds as to the identity of this man whom she knew so well by correspondence, yet not by sight. Her friend and room-mate, Fay Thompson, put paid to her thoughts when she stumbled into the room, laden with parcels and books which she dumped unceremoniously on to her bed. Sighing with relief, she turned towards Toni, and her green eyes sparkled with mischief as she glanced at the sealed envelope which Toni tapped agitatedly against her knee. 'If I didn't believe, as you do, that your unknown benefactor was stooped with age, and an excellent candidate for arthritis, then I'd swear you were having a postal affair with him.' Toni's warm, golden-brown eyes laughed up at Fay. 'I enjoy writing to him. He's kind and generous, as well as terribly understanding, and he's always given me excellent advice in the past, for which I'm tremendously grateful.' 'Have you relinquished the desire to know his identity, and why he should be helping you in this way?' Toni shrugged eloquently. 'Not entirely, but he obviously has his reasons for supporting me financially and wanting to remain anonymous. Ross says I can repay the compliment by respecting his wishes, and that's what I aim to do.' Fay pushed her parcels aside to make room for herself on the edge of her bed, her dark ponytail falling forward to lie across her shoulder as she sat facing Toni. 'We've been friends now for some years, ever since our high school days, in fact, and I must admit I always envied you, Toni, but in a nice way, I assure you. You have

Ross and Dulcie for foster-parents, and two more charming people I have yet to meet..Then there's this unknown benefactor of yours who appears to lavish money on you, and he can thank his lucky stars that you're such an unassuming person, or he might have found himself saddled with a little money- grabber who was a perfect little snob. If I'd been in your position, I think I would have become the most horrible creature.' 'Fay, you're a dear friend,' Toni laughed off her embarrassment as she grabbed her clothes and a sponge bag, 'but if I don't make a dash for the bathroom, I might find myself at the end of a long queue, and then I shall miss my train to Pretoria.' Some minutes later, as Toni allowed herself the brief luxury of soaking in the hot bath, she thought of the past ten years, and the almost fairy-tale existence she had led since that dreadful day when a car accident had robbed her of both her parents. With no immediate family willing, or able, to take her into their home, she was placed in the care of an orphanage, where the food was nourishing but dreadful, and the sombre green walls had given her the shivers. After a month of acute unhappiness in those cheerless surroundings, she was called to the matron's office one dreary afternoon early in December when the long summer holiday loomed ahead like a nightmare. And it was there, in the austere atmosphere of the matron's office with its filing cabinets and photographs of committees past and present, that Toni met Ross Evans for the first time. Tall, authoritative, and greying, swiftly he seated himself on the straight-backed wooden chair, and drew Toni to his side. He explained that she had been placed in his custody, and that an unknown benefactor had undertaken the task of paying for her education, and whatever else she might require in the future.

None of this had made any sense to Toni as a ten- year-old, but, with her meagre belongings packed in one small suitcase, she was whisked through the rain to a waiting car, and her time in the orphanage seemed no more than a bad dream which she had luckily escaped from. Ross and Dulcie Evans, with no children of their own, took Toni into their exquisite home in Waterkloof on the outskirts of Pretoria. She was eventually sent to the most expensive boarding school, but her holidays were spent with Ross and Dulcie. Their home became her own, and their love and kindness soon kindled a warm response in Toni which, even now, made her think of them with deep affection and gratitude. It was at the age of fourteen that she became curious for the first time about her unknown benefactor, and the reasons for his generosity. Ross, an influential lawyer, had parried her queries for some time before he finally admitted that it was a man who, for personal reasons, wished .to remain anonymous. He could not reveal the reason for her benefactor's generosity, but, at Toni's insistence, he had eventually arranged that she could correspond with this man, and that he would personally act as go-between. That was how the unusual correspondence had begun between Toni and her benefactor. Now, almost six years later, they still wrote to each other, and Toni derived such pleasure from his letters that she was quite frequently distraught with concern when his replies were delayed for some reason. He had become her anchor, her knowledgeable adviser, and someone she could confide in without the fear of being considered childish. He knew her hopes and desires, and understood the loneliness that often overwhelmed her on the oddest occasions. Her birthdays were never forgotten, and a beautifully wrapped gift would always arrive with a card attached in which he had written a few words in his strong, bold handwriting.

Toni was drying herself vigorously and humming softly to herself when there was a sharp knock on the bathroom door. 'Toni, you have a visitor waiting for you downstairs,' Fay called through the door. 'Who is it?' 'I've never seen the man before, but he seems impatient, so hurry up, will you?' Frowning slightly, Toni pulled on a clean pair of beige slacks and a cherry-coloured top before she slid her feet into low-heeled sandals, and gathered up the rest of her belongings. 'He didn't give his name, perhaps?' she questioned Fay as she reached their bedroom and hastily applied her make-up. 'No,' Fay shook her head thoughtfully. 'He merely asked if Miss Antoinette Schafer was in, and could he speak to you, please.' Toni brushed her honey-gold hair until it fell in short, soft waves about her face. 'I wonder who it could be, and what he wants?' Fay shrugged, falling back against her pillow as she smiled lazily. 'Why don't you hurry down and find out?' 'I intend to,' Toni replied firmly, inspecting her appearance briefly in the mirror before she left the room and made her way down to the visitors' lounge in the College hostel. A man, tall, broad-shouldered, and impeccably dressed in a dark suit, stood staring out of the window, but at the sound of her step he turned, his cool grey eyes appraising her from the top of her shining head to her sandalled feet before he said enquiringly: 'Miss Antoinette Schafer?'

'Yes.' His dark brown hair was evenly flecked with grey, she noticed as she approached him warily. 'I'm sorry to have kept you waiting.' 'I'm Tarquin Radloff,' he smiled, his eyes crinkling at the corners as he held out his hand, and her own was engulfed in a warm clasp. 'You have perhaps heard Ross and Dulcie mention my name?' 'Oh, yes, often,' she recalled suddenly, her glance anxious. 'There isn't anything the matter with them, is there, Mr Radloff?' 'No, you can relax on that score,' he smiled again, displaying strong white teeth against the tan of his rugged features. 'I'm driving out to Pretoria to see Ross, so he suggested that I give you a lift to save you the uncomfortable train journey.' 'It was kind of Ross to think of me, and of you to agree. I do so hate these train journeys.' She hesitated briefly, aware that he was observing her rather closely. 'When did you want to leave?' 'At once, if you're ready.' She thought of her suitcase which was packed, except for a few lastminute things, and smiled. 'Would you give me five minutes to get my things together?' 'Certainly, if I shan't be committing an offence by smoking here?' he said, slipping his hand into his jacket pocket and hauling out a straight-stemmed pipe. 'Of course not,' she said quickly, finding an ashtray and placing it on the table beside a comfortable chair. 'I shan't be long.' 'Well?' Fay demanded, swinging her feet off the bed as Toni entered their bedroom.

'His name is Tarquin Radloff. He's a friend of Ross and Dulcie's, and he's giving me a lift to Pretoria,' Toni replied hurriedly as she packed the remainder of her belongings and closed the lid of the suitcase. 'Lucky you!' 'Why lucky me?' 'He's awfully good-looking, in a distinguished sort of way,' Fay remarked with a hint of amusement. 'Didn't you notice?' 'Yes, I did, as a matter of fact,' Toni replied as she threw her jacket over her arm. 'He has a nice smile.' Fay's expression sobered. 'Are you sure he is who he says he is, and that he isn't planning to abduct you, or something equally nasty?' Toni's eyes widened with dismay. 'Really, Fay! What reason would he have for doing something like that?' 'You're very trusting, you know, and you do have a wealthy benefactor who's concerned about your welfare.' 'Don't be silly!' 'It may sound silly, but it's happened before, and I would hate it to happen to you.' 'Are you trying to frighten me, by any chance?' Fay sighed exasperatedly and rose to her feet to grasp Toni by the shoulders. 'I'm very fond of you, Toni, and I'm merely issuing a word of warning.'

'But he doesn't look like the kind of person who could do something dreadful.' 'People like that seldom look the part,' Fay said knowingly. 'Oh, heavens!' Toni exclaimed anxiously as she sank down on to the foot of her bed and faced her friend. 'What am I going to do?' 'Ask him to identify himself in some way. He should be carrying his identity documents with him anyway.' 'And what do you suppose he'll think of me?' Toni asked in a shocked voice. 'He'll think you're a careful and sensible young woman.' 'I hope so,' Toni replied with a worried frown. 'I would hate to offend him.' Taking Fay's advice, she went downstairs and, placing her suitcase on the floor beside her, she ventured no further than just inside the doorway of the lounge. 'Mr Radloff ...' She hesitated, biting her lip nervously as he rose to his feet and pocketed his pipe. 'Forgive me for asking this, but ... do you have any identification papers on you?' His heavy eyebrows rose sharply and she felt herself go hot with embarrassment. 'Yes, I do,' he said at length, taking his identity book from the inner pocket of his jacket and extending it towards her. The features in the photograph were unmistakably his, and so also the name, Tarquin Alexis Radloff. 'Satisfied?'

'Yes, thank you,' she said jerkily, wishing at that moment that the floor would open up beneath her. 'I'm sorry.' 'Don't apologise,' he remarked with a certain abruptness as he pocketed the book. 'It pays to be cautious at times.' 'It was just that Fay thought I ought to make sure of your identity before I accepted your offer of a lift.' 'Fay?' 'Fay Thompson,' she explained, her colour subsiding gradually. 'She's the girl you spoke to earlier.' 'Oh, yes.' His brow cleared. 'She's a special friend of yours, I gather?' 'We were at boarding school together, and now we've almost completed our second year at the college. She's been a wonderful friend to me.' He nodded briefly and picked up her suitcase. 'Shall we go?' Toni followed him silently through the large hallway, and out on to the wide stoep overlooking the spacious grounds where the late afternoon sun cast tall shadows across the lawn. Some of the girls strolled about idly in small groups, and their curious glances sent a rush of colour to her cheeks as Tarquin Radloff placed the suitcase in the boot of his white Mercedes parked at the entrance and helped her into the front seat. 'So you and your friend are both aiming at becoming someone's efficient private secretary,' he remarked as he made his way into the traffic which had thinned out considerably since his arrival.

'Well, not all at once, I suppose,' she acknowledged. 'Jobs like that aren't so easy to find these days, but we hope to work our way up to such a position one day.' 'When do you do your finals, Antoinette?' 'Next month,' she smiled at him. 'And my friends call me Toni: No on? calls me Antoinette except.. 'Except?' he prompted, glancing at her swiftly. 'My benefactor.' She turned slightly in her seat, her glance taking in the broad forehead, the straight, high-bridged nose, and the square chin. The mouth was firm, she noticed, except for the slightly sensuous lower lip. 'I suppose Ross has told you about him?' Tarquin hesitated briefly. 'Yes, he has, I think.' 'It's strange, really, that someone such as he should have taken an interest in me,' she said as they turned on to the Ml and headed towards Pretoria. 'What's so strange about it?' 'Well, he didn't know me at all. At least... I don't think he knew me before my parents died, and yet he selected to pay for my education, and everything else I 'possess.' A flicker of amusement crossed his face. 'Perhaps he's an eccentric old man with money to burn.' 'Oh, I don't think that at all,' she contradicted, a little shocked at his suggestion. 'He's wonderfully kind and understanding, and I think that at times he's just as lonely as I am.' 'What makes you so certain of that?'

'We write to each other, and, although he never mentions being lonely, I occasionally get that impression. I wish sometimes that he would allow me to telephone him,' she added thoughtfully. 'The telephone is not the best instrument for communication, Toni. You often end up with nothing at all to say, and too embarrassed to say the things that are of real importance. It's usually easier to write about your problems, and to get matters into perspective by putting it down on paper.' Toni's expression was grave as she turned towards her companion. 'You're right, of course, Mr Radloff. My benefactor would have said the same, and he always gives me such good advice.' He glanced at her briefly, and she glimpsed a hint of amusement in the depths of his eyes. 'Please call me Tarquin.' 'Thank you, I would like to,' she returned with a smile and a look of wonder in her eyes. 'You know, Tarquin, I don't know why I'm talking to you like this. I hardly know you, and yet...' 'You feel as though you've known me for some time,' he finished for her in that warm, pleasantly deep voice of his. 'Yes,' she laughed with a touch of embarrassment. 'Does that sound silly to you?' 'No, because I feel exactly the same way as you do.' 'Do you really?' 'Yes, I do.' He kept his eyes on the road, but his lips curved humorously. 'Perhaps it's because you're such an unassuming child.' A little shock went through her. 'You're the second person to say that of me within less than two hours.'

'Who was the first?' 'Fay,' she replied, quite relaxed now in his company. 'She said my benefactor could thank his lucky stars that I was so unassuming, or he might have found that he had a money-grabber on his hands who was a perfect snob.' Tarquin laughed for the first time, and it was a deep, throaty sound that was infectious. 'There are people who consider wealth a very important factor in their lives.' Toni wrinkled her nose with distaste. 'Well, I don't, and I feel terribly guilty about accepting so much from someone who really has no obligation to me at all.' Tarquin appeared shocked at that. 'Why should you feel guilty about it?' 'I don't know. Perhaps it's because, when Ross first hauled me out of that terrible orphanage, I was too young to understand what was happening, and took it all for granted. Then, when I was older, it troubled me that I should take so much without giving anything in return.' She gestured expressively with her hands. 'That's when I managed to persuade Ross to allow me to correspond with my benefactor.' 'Has it helped to alleviate your guilt?' She was thoughtful for a moment. 'Not entirely, but I do think he enjoys my letters as much as I enjoy his. At least, I hope he does.' He touched her hand briefly, much as Ross would have done. 'I'm certain he finds your letters very refreshing, and very rewarding.' 'It's very nice of you to say so, Tarquin,' she smiled up at him. 'Now, we've talked enough about myself, so let's talk about you for a

change. I think I heard Ross mention once that you're managing director to one of the large engineering firms. Am I correct?' 'Yes, that's right.' 'Is it your own business?' 'It is now.' 'Are you married?' 'No, I'm a bachelor by choice.' 'Anyone special?' she asked, stealing a mischievous glance in his direction. 'No.', 'Oh, come now, Tarquin,' she laughed merrily. 'Be a little more forthcoming.' 'I'm thirty-eight, and a very dull, staid old bachelor.' 'You could never be dull and staid,' she announced firmly. 'I just won't believe that.' 'You will believe it when you know me better,' he replied with tolerant amusement. 'Am I going to have the opportunity to get to know you better?' she could not help asking on a slightly breathless note. 'I hope so,' he said, his cool glance meeting hers for a fraction of a second. 'I've been a friend of Ross and Dulcie's for years, and I hope you and I will become friends as well.'

'I hope so too, Tarquin,' she sighed, finding pleasure in the thought. 'Why have we never met before?' 'You were away at boarding school most of the time, remember?' 'But I've been living in Johannesburg almost two years now. Why didn't you ever drop in and introduce yourself before?' They were approaching Pretoria swiftly as he said: 'If I'd known that you were such a charming young lady, then I wouldn't have hesitated to make your acquaintance sooner.' 'You do say the nicest things, Tarquin,' she laughed softly. 'Thank you.' 'How old are you, Toni?' he asked after a brief silence. 'I was twenty last month—why?' 'You must have plenty of boy-friends.' 'No, I haven't, and we are supposed to be discussing you,' she protested. 'Have you forgotten?' 'My dear child, you're a far more interesting subject than I am. There's absolutely nothing about an elderly man like myself that could interest you.' 'You don't seem very elderly, and besides, I'm interested to know all there is to know about you.' 'You're persistent, aren't you?' he said as they passed the university buildings and finally turned off to the right. 'Very well. I have a flat in the city where I spend most evenings working, reading, or just listening to records. When I get the opportunity I do a bit of angling over the week-ends because I find it relaxing.'

Toni allowed her glance to dwell on the broad shoulders and the strong hands resting on the steering wheel. 'You must do more than that, because you have the appearance of someone who is extremely fit.' 'I go for a regular work-out in the gym, but, other than that, nothing more strenuous than relaxing beside the river-bank with a fishingrod in my hands.' His expression was somehow mocking. 'Anything else?' Slightly taken aback, she asked: 'Has my prying offended you?' 'Not in the least,' he replied candidly. 'I'm so glad,' she sighed, her eyes alight at the sight of the jacaranda tree flowers paving the street in a carpet of mauve. 'You mentioned listening to records. What kind of music do you enjoy most?' 'The heavy stuff, I'm afraid. Bach, Tchaikovsky, Beethoven.' 'But how wonderful, so do I!' she exclaimed with delight. 'In that case, you must allow me to take you to the Beethoven Festival next week,' he offered. Toni could think of nothing more delightful than going to a music festival with someone who appreciated good music as much as she did. 'That would be absolutely lovely, Tarquin, and I shall look forward to it.' It was dusk when Tarquin drove through the gates of 'Solitude', and up the long drive to the large house that stood nestled among the trees. Ross and Dulcie had heard the car, for the lights on the terrace were switched on suddenly, illuminating the carved pillars, and a section of the garden that led to the tennis court and swimming pool. The heavy oak door swung open, and Toni literally fell into their

arms with a display of affection that was so characteristic of her spontaneous, warm-hearted nature. Their suitcases were taken up to their rooms, and Ross opened a bottle of wine before dinner, a habit he had continued from the days of his youth which had been spent in the wine-producing valleys of the Cape. They had changed very little, Toni thought as she observed her foster-parents during dinner with a warmth in her golden-brown eyes that was clearly visible to their guest. .The ten years had whitened Ross's hair to a silvery sheen, but hardly a wrinkle had been added to his features, while Dulcie had acquired merely a smattering of grey in her chestnut-coloured hair. Other than these noticeable changes, they appeared the same to Toni as the day she had walked into their home for the first time, a: bewildered, unhappy child who had been instantly warmed by the tenderness and compassion in Dulcie's green eyes, for that was the kind of person her foster-mother was. Ross excused himself after dinner, announcing that he had to make a telephone call, and, after a momentary hesitation, Toni followed him into his study. 'I know I'm disturbing you, Ross, but may I speak to you for a few minutes?' she asked, closing the door behind her. 'Of course, my dear. Come and sit down.' Toni perched on the edge of the desk beside him; her favourite place when she had something serious to discuss. She extracted a letter from the pocket of her slacks and extended it towards him. 'Will you post this for me, Ross?' Ross turned the letter over in his hands thoughtfully. 'Toni, I suppose you've realised that once you earn your own living you will

no longer require the assistance of your benefactor. His job will be done, in fact.' 'I have thought about it, Ross, and that's what I wanted to discuss with you.' She bit her lip and allowed her glance to dwell for a moment on the law books in the shelves behind him before she met his steady gaze. 'Just how far did his generosity go?' A familiar little smile plucked at Ross's lips. 'What you really want to know is, were we paid to provide a home for you until you'd completed your education, and will we be throwing you out the minute you find yourself a job.' 'Something like that,' Toni admitted, colouring slightly as she waited tensely for a reply to the problem which had afforded her several sleepless nights lately. Ross shook his head. 'We weren't paid to keep you, Toni. As far as Dulcie and I are concerned, this will always be your home and, whether you like it or not, we consider you our daughter.' Toni expelled her breath with a cry of joy as she leaned forward, hugging him profusely and kissing his cheek. 'Oh, but I do like! You're two of the most wonderful people I know, and you've been absolutely marvellous to me.' 'Not so much of that, my girl,' Ross laughed, extricating himself gently. 'If you tell me often enough how wonderful I am, I might become quite self- opinionated.' 'Not you, Ross. You're far too sensible for that.' 'Tell me, Toni, did you mind very much that I asked Tarquin to give you a lift?' he asked, changing the subject.

'Oh, no,' she replied with honesty as she settled herself once more on the edge of the desk. 'I found him such an easy person to talk to that I enjoyed the trip immensely.' 'Tarquin is a solid, dependable chap,' Ross said, lighting a cigarette and blowing the smoke towards the ceiling. 'To his friends he might appear an amiable sort of fellow, but to his enemies he can be quite ruthless. It was his father who first kindled my interest in law.' 'I didn't know that,' she remarked with genuine interest. 'Was Tarquin's father a lawyer?' 'Yes, and a very good one too.' Another, more pressing problem came to mind, and Toni frowned. 'Ross ... do you think my benefactor might object to continuing our correspondence when— when I've passed my exams?' 'He might,' Ross replied, laying a comforting hand on her arm when he noticed her downcast expression. 'Don't take it to heart if he does expect you to discontinue your letters. You're twenty, a young woman, and I dare say he would want you to become quite independent of him.' 'I shall miss his letters.' 'And he will miss yours, but there may be other things in your life that would give you just as much satisfaction.' A humorous smile plucked at her lips. 'I suppose you mean a husband and family.' 'That, too,' Ross admitted, adding with some humour, 'Eventually.' Toni nodded slowly as she slid off the desk. 'I'll leave you to make your call.'

Ross did not detain her, and she made her way out on to the terrace. The flickering lights of the Jacaranda City did not interest her on this occasion as she pressed her forehead against the cool pillar and closed her stinging eyelids. She was seldom depressed, but her discussion with Ross had left her with the curious sensation that she was heading for a deep gorge which was filled with an emptiness that did not bear contemplation.

CHAPTER TWO 'HAS something upset you, Toni?' a deep pleasant voice asked, and she turned, leaning back against the pillar when she discovered Tarquin standing directly in front of her. 'No—yes, but I can't burden you with my problems.' 'If we're going to be friends, then that's exactly what friends are for,' Tarquin insisted, taking a firm grip on her arm and guiding her down the steps towards the white garden bench just barely visible amidst the shadowy shrubs. 'Let's sit here for a while. I'm longing for a quiet smoke, and while I do, you can tell me what's troubling you.' Toni sat stiffly beside him, their shoulders almost touching while he filled his pipe and lit it, but as the pleasant aroma of his tobacco filled her nostrils, her reserve crumbled, and she heard herself say: 'Ross warned me that my benefactor may want to discontinue our correspondence once I've passed my exams, and I'm afraid I can't visualise the future without those letters.' 'Would the possibility upset you .so terribly?' Tarquin asked, stretching his long legs out before him and settling himself more comfortably. 'Yes, it would,' she choked out the words. 'Why, it would feel as though I've lost a very dear and trusted friend.' A profound silence settled between them; a silence filled with the scented mixture of honeysuckle and tobacco as she stared dismally out across the moonlit garden. 'Toni, you're on the threshold of your life,' Tarquin finally interrupted the silence, shifting his position slightly to face her. 'In the not too distant future you might meet someone whom you want

to marry, and men are selfish creatures , at heart. Divided loyalties could create jealousy, and corresponding with a man who ceased being your benefactor once you were able to provide for yourself would create jealousy and eventual misery in a marriage which could have been happy.' 'But if I explained that he was more a friend than -' 'It's time you grew up, my dear child. You can't continue indefinitely with such an unrealistic relationship.' 'But our letters aren't unrealistic at all,' she protested. 'Perhaps not,' he agreed calmly, 'but would you want to cling to your Mr X for life, regardless of how it affected the one you really loved? Would you eventually find more comfort in a cold, impersonal letter, rather than the solid arms of the man of your choice?' An unpleasant little tremor shook through her as she stared at the man beside her, whose largeness seemed to be emphasised by the moonlit darkness. 'You make me sound like a lamb that has to be weaned,' she said at length, her voice ending on a shaky laugh. 'And isn't it something like that?' The irrational part of her denied this, but the sensible side of her had to admit that there was a great deal of truth in what he had said, and she found herself whispering reluctantly, 'Yes, I suppose so.' 'There's no supposition about it,' Tarquin said with a flat finality that brought her sharply to her senses. 'It may soon be fact and, as you are now prepared for it, you may not find it so difficult to accept.'

She sat and watched him in silence for some minutes, marvelling at how relaxed he appeared with his pipe clenched between his teeth. There was an air of calm confidence about him that instilled a measure of calmness within her as well while she mulled over the advice he had given her. He was right, of course; so very right. Once she was self-supporting she would have to break away from her benefactor, who was really nothing more than a firm handwriting on snowy white paper, and turn instead to flesh and blood people who could teach her to face the reality of life. 'Thank you, Tarquin,' she murmured softly. 'I'm not sure I know why I'm being thanked.' 'Thank you for listening, and for knocking some sense into my silly head,' she said with a smile in her voice. 'That's what friends are for, remember?' he said abruptly, knocking his pipe out against the heel of his shoe and pocketing it. 'I find it incredible to believe that I'm able to talk to you in this way, considering that we've only known each other a few hours,' she laughed with a touch of embarrassment, gesturing helplessly with her hands. 'I'm not usually so at ease with strangers.' 'I shall consider that a compliment of the highest order,' he said gravely, capturing her restless hands and drawing her to her feet. 'We'd better go in, or Ross and Dulcie will be wondering what's happened to us.' It seemed the most natural thing to walk hand in hand with Tarquin as they crossed the stretch of lawn and mounted the steps leading on to the terrace, and neither did Toni feel the slightest embarrassment that Ross and Dulcie, who awaited them in the living-room, should see them enter in that manner. There was strength in the warm clasp of Tarquin's hand, and comfort. And, if the inevitable happened, she

knew instinctively that she would find compensation in the solid dependability of this tall man beside her, whose perceptive understanding was quite remarkable for someone she had only just met. Much to Toni's surprise, Tarquin decided to remain till the Sunday afternoon in order to drive her back to Johannesburg. They had discussed such a varied number of subjects during that week-end that she had almost forgotten his invitation to the Beethoven Festival when he telephoned the Tuesday afternoon to tell her that he had got tickets for the Thursday evening, and would she be free. Yes, she would, she had told him in a flurry of excitement which had eventually caused her to take the stairs two at a time in her haste to impart this thrilling news to Fay. 'I'm going to the Beethoven Festival on Thursday evening,' she announced breathlessly as she burst into the room to find Fay poring over her books. 'With Tarquin Radloff?' 'Yes,' Toni sighed ecstatically, throwing herself down on to her bed and clasping her hands behind her head. 'He's just telephoned to say that he managed to get tickets. Isn't it super?' 'To be going to the Festival, or to be going with Tarquin Radloff?' Fay asked teasingly, flicking her ponytail over her shoulder. 'Both, actually.' 'You haven't fallen for him, have you?' 'Good heavens, no!' Toni sat up suddenly, her eyes widening as they met Fay's suspicious glance. 'He's a very interesting and relaxing person to be with, and I enjoy his company.'

'He's also old enough to be your father.' 'He's only thirty-eight,' Toni protested agitatedly. 'Exactly.' Toni regarded her friend in silence for a moment, and the obvious look of disapproval on her face came almost as a shock to Toni. 'You're being unkind, Fay.' Fay's green eyes darkened. 'Not intentionally, but it's a known fact that girls often fall for men twice their age. It's the man's maturity that attracts them, I think, and these marriages often end in disaster.' Toni's generous mouth trembled into a smile at her friend's concern. 'Dear Fay, I have no intention of falling in love with Tarquin, or anyone else for that matter ... at least, not for a while anyway.' 'What about Gary?' 'Gary?' Toni looked puzzled. 'He's in love with you. Haven't you guessed?' A tremor of shock rippled through Toni as she swung her feet to the floor, and walked across to the window to stare down into the empty courtyard below. 'I'm very fond of Gary, but -' 'You haven't really given him much of a chance, you know,' Fay persisted in her brother's defence. 'I know,' Toni admitted, moving her shoulders uncomfortably beneath the thin cotton blouse. 'But I have no intention of rushing into a romance with the first man who becomes a little amorous.'

There was an awkward little silence before she heard Fay say resignedly: 'All right, I accept the fact that you're being a little cautious, Toni. You've never bothered much with boy-friends, not as I have, so it's not surprising that I knew from the moment I first met Jeff that there could never be anyone else for me. Perhaps it's just as well if you shop around a bit before you finally make up your mind. Marriage is a lifetime of togetherness, and it would be unbearable if you had to eventually discover that you'd made the wrong choice.' The subject was not mentioned again, but Toni could not help feeling a little disturbed at the knowledge that Gary felt so strongly about her. It was not that she did not like him, for, with his dark hair and equally dark eyes, he managed to draw plenty of attention to himself from the opposite sex, and she was not blind to his attractiveness either. But love! ... that was a serious matter, something which had not entered into their relationship before, neither was she sure that she wanted it to.

After the sweltering heat of the day, the air-conditioned interior of the theatre was like a cool oasis to Toni as she sat beside Tarquin, anxiously awaiting the start of the performance. It was the first time she had ever attended anything of this nature, and there was an unmistakable glow of excitement on her cheeks which appeared to amuse Tarquin. 'You remind me very much of a little girl at her first party,' he mocked in a lowered voice as he leaned towards her slightly, his shoulder touching hers. 'I hope you won't be disappointed.' 'Oh, no! Never! I just know I shan't be disappointed,' she whispered back adamantly.

There was a sudden hush in the audience and Toni glanced swiftly towards the stage in time to see the conductor stepping on to the rostrum. He acknowledged the burst of applause with a brief bow before turning towards the orchestra with his baton raised to signify the start of the programme. Toni held her breath, on the brink of an experience which she knew she would never forget, and then, as the first dulcet tones of Beethoven's Pastoral Symphony washed over her, she was submerged in a woodland scene of leafy trees, rippling streams, and tall grass swaying in the breeze. 'Did the evening live up to your expectations?' Tarquin asked some hours later when they sat facing each other across a small table in an exclusive coffee-bar not far from the theatre. 'Oh, yes, Tarquin, and ... thank you,' she sighed, the mellowed lighting lending a soft, dreamy look to her eyes. Tarquin observed her closely for a moment, taking in the gentle flush of excitement that still lingered in her cheeks, the small, straight nose, and the generous mouth with the passionate curve to the upper lip. She was aware of the intensity of his glance, but it did not trouble her until she saw a frown settling between his heavy brows and, shaking herself free of her dreamy state of bliss, she asked: 'Is something troubling you, Tarquin?' He shook his head briefly, dismissing her query. 'Are you going home this week-end?' 'No.' She ran an idle finger along the rim of her cup. 'Fay and I have made tentative arrangements to go to the ice-skating championships on Saturday evening, and we're hoping to persuade Gary and Jeff to take us.'

'I gather that Gary and Jeff are your boy-friends?' 'Well, not exactly,' she laughed, avoiding the mockery of his grey eyes. 'Gary is Fay's brother, and he's studying medicine at university. I met him for the first time at the beginning of this year, and we occasionally make up a foursome with Fay and her boyfriend Jeff. Jeff works for an electrical contractor in the city, and Fay is pretty serious about him.' 'How serious-?' 'They've talked about marriage, I gather, but they don't intend to rush into it until they're absolutely sure about each other.' 'A very sensible decision,' he observed dryly. 'Fay is a very sensible person—much more sensible than I am.' 'Would you have rushed into a marriage if you'd been in her position?' 'No-o, I don't think so,' Toni replied thoughtfully, 'but once I've made up my mind about something, I'm inclined to be rather impatient for the matter to be settled.' There was a hint of a smile about his firm mouth. 'In other words, you don't believe in lengthy engagements.' 'If you want to put it that way ... no.' He held her glance for a moment until she lowered her eyes selfconsciously to the checkered tablecloth. They drank their coffee in silence, the panelled walls, the murmur of voices, and the strong aroma of coffee beans in the process of roasting lending a continental atmosphere to the coffee-bar that remained open till a late hour in order to accommodate the stream of theatre enthusiasts.

'Has Gary been your only escort during this year?' Tarquin picked up their conversation where they had left off. 'Yes.' 'I gather he's a presentable young man, judging by his sister.' 'Oh, yes ... very,' Toni replied with more enthusiasm than she realised. 'He's attractive, and has a tremendous sense of humour, which is something I don't always possess.' His glance sharpened. 'You're attracted to him, then?' Toni was thoughtful for a moment, her fingers gentle as she touched the single red carnation in the tall, narrow vase between them. 'In a way, yes. He's very pleasant company, and I'm almost certain that he's hoping for a more serious relationship, but I don't think I'm quite ready for emotional involvements of that nature.' 'Emotional involvements of what nature, do you mean?' The mockery in his tone brought a swift rise of colour to her cheeks as she said: 'Falling in love ... marriage ... that sort of thing.' 'Few people are ready for it when it happens,' he told her seriously. 'Falling in love is something of a disease. You're overcome by it when you least expect it, and there's absolutely nothing you can do about it when the fever hits you.' She observed him in silence for a moment, noticing for the first time how the subdued light brought out the silver in his hair and gave him the appearance of being older than he actually was. 'Have you ever been overcome by the love disease, Tarquin?' she asked eventually, a hint of mischief in her eyes.

'Yes ... once,' he nodded abruptly. 'What happened?' 'I'll tell you one day when you're older,' he ended the conversation brusquely. 'I'm going to take you back to your respectable hostel now, or I shall be to blame if you fall asleep in class tomorrow.' His attitude was suddenly that of a stern parent, but Toni was too pleasantly tired to care. His hand was warm and firm beneath her elbow as they stepped out on to the almost deserted neon-lit pavement, and walked the short distance to where he had parked the Mercedes. The drive back to the College was accomplished in a comparatively short space of time, and Toni was almost reluctant to accept that the evening had come to an end. On the stoep, with the breeze moving the soft folds of her dress, and the single light above the panelled door capturing the gold in her hair, Tarquin stood looking down at her for a moment with an unfathomable expression in his cool grey eyes before he touched her cheek lightly with the back of his hand, much as one would caress a child. 'Goodnight, Toni.' 'Goodnight, Tarquin,' she echoed softly, 'and thank you for the most wonderful evening of my life.' Afterwards, as she undressed in the darkened room so as not to disturb Fay, she could somehow still feel the touch of his warm fingers against her cheek. There was nothing complicated about their relationship, she thought, a smile on her lips as she climbed into bed. She could talk to Tarquin almost in the same way she had written to her benefactor, knowing that he would understand, and would give advice if he thought it necessary. With Gary she

occasionally experienced a certain emotional tension, but with Tarquin she felt quite safe, and that was far more pleasing.

The ice-skating championships had hardly begun when Jeff and Gary complained of boredom, and suggested they go somewhere quiet for a cup of coffee. Fay and Toni sighed resignedly. Their powers of persuasion had reached their limit, and there was nothing left to do but agree. Jeff drove out to their favourite roadhouse, and there, with the smell of grilled steak and onions hovering about them, they talked while they drank their coffee, until Fay said something that had three pairs of eyes suddenly focussed on Toni. 'Toni went to the Beethoven Festival on Thursday evening with Tarquin Radloff.' 'Tarquin Radloff?' Jeff asked in surprise, his sandy hair falling in the usual unruly fashion across his forehead. 'The engineering tycoon?' 'Yes,' Toni admitted a little warily as she cast an angry glance at Fay, and wondered how Tarquin would react to being called an engineering tycoon. 'Do you know Mr Radloff?' 'I know of him,' Jeff said, pushing his cup aside and leaning his elbows on the table. 'He's one of the top business men in the country these days, and his company had a lot to do with that new hydroelectric power station that was completed last month. They say he's absolutely straight and fair in everything he does, but he can be totally ruthless when crossed.' There was a brief silence after this disclosure, during which Toni tried to imagine Tarquin as a ruthless employer, and failed. 'How did you meet him?' Gary asked suddenly, his eyes a shade darker as they held Toni's glance.

'Ross and Dulcie have known him for some years and, as he was going to Pretoria to see Ross about something, he offered me a lift home last week-end at Ross's request.' 'He did more than just take her there,' Fay intervened teasingly. 'He stayed the week-end and drove her back on the Sunday.' Toni was beginning to suspect that Fay had deliberately brought up the subject with some hidden purpose in mind. 'So the great man does come out of his ivory castle occasionally,' Jeff remarked, a touch of cynicism on his lean face. 'You make him sound like a recluse, Jeff,' Toni said sharply, instantly on the defensive. 'Ask anyone you wish,' he shrugged, 'and they'll tell you he's seldom seen in public, except when it's an absolute necessity.' Toni saw Fay and Gary exchange curious glances, and for some reason there was a certain tightness in her voice as she said: 'Then I suppose I should feel honoured that he offered to take me to the Festival.' 'You can say that again,' Jeff replied, quite unperturbed as he lit a cigarette. Toni lapsed into a disturbed silence after that, finding it difficult to recapture the happy mood she had been in earlier, and making no effort eventually to join in the conversation. Jeff drove them back to the College some time later, but as they climbed out of the car Gary drew Toni away from the lighted stoep and into the shadows of the trees.

'Let Fay and Jeff have a few moments alone,' he insisted as she began to protest. 'But they will wonder -' 'Then let them,' he cut in briskly, gripping her shoulders. 'Toni, what does this man Tarquin Radloff mean to you?' 'He's just an acquaintance, Gary. Nothing more,' she replied tritely. 'Are you sure?' 'Yes, of course I'm sure,' she said impatiently, tiring of the subject. 'That's all right, then,' Gary sighed, his breath fanning her forehead. 'What do you mean by that?' she asked, a certain uneasiness stirring within her as she stared searchingly up at him through the darkness. His grip on her shoulders tightened. 'You're my girl, Toni, and although I can't compete with a man like Tarquin Radloff, I aim to make sure you're not snatched from under my nose.' 'But I'm not your girl,' she protested, struggling for release, but finding her arms pinned firmly at her sides. 'Yes, you are,' Gary whispered hoarsely, and the next moment her lips were being crushed beneath his. 'Gary!' she gasped as he released her. 'Why did you do that?' 'I've been wanting to kiss you for a long time, and now I'm going to kiss you again,' he announced arrogantly, and somehow Toni was too stunned to try and prevent him.

His arms were strong and firm about her, and his kiss, more gentle this time, did strange things to her which she found impossible to analyse. Her lips were innocent beneath his, and Gary, obviously more experienced in these matters, coaxed them apart with his own until she was aware only of the wild hammering of her heart, and a strange weakness in her knees. When at length he released her, she found herself struggling to the surface with breathless difficulty. 'Well?' he demanded. 'I—I think it's time I went in,' she stammered, and Gary's triumphant laugh sent the colour surging painfully into her cheeks, but he made no effort to keep her against her will. Toni was thankful when Gary and Jeff left soon afterwards, and she maintained a confused silence as she and Fay prepared for bed. She was aware of Fay's penetrating glances, and the fact that her friend was bursting with curiosity to discover what had occurred between Gary and herself, but she could not bring herself to speak of it. 'You were out there in the shadows for quite some time,' Fay said eventually when they had climbed into bed and snapped off the light. 'Did Gary finally scrape up enough courage to ask you?' 'To ask me what?' Toni asked, her sense of humour returning as she smiled into the darkness and folded her hands behind her head. 'To be his girl, of course,' Fay said impatiently. 'He did mention something like that, yes.' 'You mean it was more action, and not so much talk?' Toni smothered a laugh and plumped up her pillows, thankful of the darkness which hid her stinging cheeks. 'Go to sleep, Fay, before I throw something at you!'

* Two arduous weeks passed without so much as a letter from her benefactor, or a word from Tarquin. Toni was beginning to think that she would not hear from either of them again when she was called to the telephone, early one Friday afternoon, as she emerged from the hostel's private swimming pool. Grabbing her towel and wrapping it about her like a sarong, she dashed into the foyer of the hostel and slipped into the telephone booth. 'Toni?' a deep voice questioned at the other end as she lifted the receiver, and a wave of pleasure swept over her. 'Tarquin, how lovely to hear from you again!' 'Are you going home this week-end?' 'No, I have to start cramming for the exams, and I shall be too lazy to do that if I'm at home,' she laughed, clutching her towel about her before it slipped to the floor. 'I hope I haven't interrupted you,' he said apologetically. 'Oh, no,' she assured him hastily. 'I've been swimming, actually, and at the moment I'm dripping water all over the telephone booth.' 'Then I'll be quick about what I have to say,' he said abruptly. 'Will you have dinner with me this evening?' 'I'd love to, Tarquin.' 'Good,' he replied swiftly. 'I'll call for you at seven.' Her desire to continue her swim forgotten, Toni dashed up to her room to search through her wardrobe for a suitable dress to wear. Fay was catching up on her practical studies, and, for once, Toni

was grateful to have those few moments to herself as she selected a gown of expensive white satin, with the most intricate lace work across the bodice. She had worn it only once before, to Ross and Dulcie's recent wedding anniversary celebration, and it would be ideal on this occasion too. She hung the dress against the outside of the wardrobe, and stood back a little to admire it. Yes, she always looked her best in white, and she undoubtedly wanted to look her best for Tarquin. That evening, as she faced him across the candlelit table in a secluded corner of the Green Lantern, Toni knew that her choice had been correct, for Tarquin's appreciative glances had confirmed this. He was the most gracious host and, as he appeared to know so much more about the complicated menu, she left the selection entirely up to him. They sipped their wine as they waited, and talked, although Toni realised afterwards that she had done most of the talking, and he had merely listened with that slightly humorous expression on his face. 'Tarquin, is it true that you seldom go out?' she finally asked, recalling Jeff's disturbing remarks. 'Has someone been telling you things about me?' 'Enough to make me curious, perhaps,' she admitted, 'but don't evade the question.' 'I seldom attend the many social functions I'm invited to, because I rarely have the time,' he said, moving his shoulders slightly in the expensively tailored dinner jacket. 'I enjoy my privacy, and I don't intend to have people invading it in a way that could be detrimental to my business.'

'Have people tried to force your hand in business because of your friendship with them?' she asked carefully. 'It could happen all the time if one isn't careful.' 'How awful!' she whispered with distaste as she met his cool glance and observed the metallic quality in their grey depths. 'Are you sometimes as ruthless as they say you are?' 'When I find it necessary, yes,' he said bluntly. 'What else have your friends been saying about me?' 'That you're an engineering tycoon who seldom leaves his ivory tower,' she supplied without hesitation, and with a hint of laughter in her eyes. 'Should I feel honoured that you think me worthy enough to spend time with?' Tarquin swallowed down the remainder of his wine, and his action was almost violent. 'What do your friends think I am? Some sort of recluse who occasionally comes out of hiding to pounce on little girls?' Toni regretted her outspokenness instantly. 'You're angry with me.' 'No, I'm not. Surprised, yes, but not angry,' he admitted a little grimly. 'Toni, I enjoy your company, and there's very little in my life that I enjoy these days, so don't allow your friends to persuade you into believing that I have some ulterior motive for taking you out occasionally.' 'They haven't suggested anything of the kind,' she contradicted in a shocked voice, 'and it isn't true that there's very little you enjoy in life. You enjoy fishing and good music, and -' 'Both of which can be accomplished in solitude,' he interrupted smoothly. 'There's occasionally the need to communicate with

someone in a way that's relaxing and uncluttered by pressing business matters.' Their fillet steaks and mushrooms were served with an elaborate array of salads, and Tarquin summoned the wine steward to refill their glasses. 'Would you take me with you one day when you decide to go fishing again?' she asked when they were alone once more. 'Are you serious?' 'Very serious,' she smiled, holding his glance. 'Would you?' 'Yes, and I shall hold you to that,' he threatened, his expression relaxing slightly. 'Are you sure it wouldn't bore you?' 'No ... I'll take along my sketchbook and pencil.' His heavy eyebrows rose in surprise. 'Do you sketch, then?' 'Yes,' she laughed softly. 'When the mood takes me, and purely as a hobby.' 'Would you show me some of the work you've done?' The thought of displaying her meagre efforts to someone like Tarquin was horrifying. 'I wouldn't dream of showing you my dreadful little sketches!' 'I think you're being far too modest,' he persisted. 'I think our dinner is getting cold,' she countered swiftly, in a panic now to change the subject and steer the conversation in a less personal direction.

CHAPTER THREE THE continental atmosphere of the Green Lantern fascinated Toni, but her companion intrigued her more. Quite unaware of the admiring female glances directed at him, he applied himself to his food, while Toni, aware that she was the object of envy, found difficulty in suppressing her amusement. If only they knew that there existed nothing more than friendship between Tarquin and herself! Toni glanced at him surreptitiously, noticing the lines running from nose to mouth which were possibly accentuated by the candlelight. He should be made to relax more, she thought with an irrepressible feeling of concern. 'Have you seen much of your friend Gary lately?' he asked casually when their table had been cleared and they lingered over the remainder of their coffee. Unable to sustain his searching glance, she lowered her lashes swiftly. 'I've seen him quite often, yes.' 'Did I detect that certain look in your eyes?' 'He's become very persistent lately,' she admitted reluctantly. 'In fact, ever since he's known about you.' 'Ah, so I've unknowingly sparked off a little jealousy in your friend, and it's spurred him on to declare his ... love, perhaps?' Toni coloured swiftly, avoiding the gleam of mockery in his eyes. 'Well, he hasn't gone as far as declaring his love yet.' 'But you're hoping he will?' 'I ... don't know,' she said slowly. 'I'm a little confused, I must admit.'

'You still have plenty of time to make sure of your feelings,' he offered wisely, but there was a tight look about his lips that troubled her. 'I know, and at the moment I'm not having any sleepless nights over it,' she said lightly. 'More wine?' he changed the subject abruptly. 'No, thank you,' she declined, placing her hand swiftly over her glass. 'Too much wine gives me the giggles, and that would only embarrass you.' 'It wouldn't embarrass me.' 'It would amuse you then, and that's even worse.' His eyebrows rose a fraction as he observed her closely. 'You obviously don't like being laughed at.' 'Do you?' 'No,' he admitted with a wry smile, 'but there's no harm in friends laughing at each other occasionally in a good-natured way.' 'You're right, of course,' she smiled at him, her eyes softening in the candlelight. 'But I still don't think I should have any more wine.' 'As you wish,' he said with unexpected abruptness. 'Shall we go?' Toni nodded and rose to her feet, unsure of herself and wondering if, in some way, she had offended him, but his manner was courteous as he placed her silk wrap about her shoulders before taking her arm as he escorted her from the restaurant.

She lapsed into an uncertain silence as they drove through the city streets, her thoughts centred upon Tarquin's changing moods, and it was only when he missed the turn-off to the College that she spoke for the first time. 'You're going the wrong way.' 'No, I'm not,' he said smoothly. 'I have something at my flat that I want to give to you.' 'Oh.' He glanced at her suddenly and smiled. 'Relax, Toni. I have no designs on your virtue.' 'I never thought you had,' she gasped faintly, surprised to find her hands clenched in her lap. 'Come now, child,' he teased. 'Admit that, perhaps only for a fleeting moment, you imagined the worst.' Toni coloured swiftly, looking everywhere but at him. 'Am I that transparent?' 'It wasn't difficult to guess your thoughts when I could see you shrinking up against the door as if you were contemplating a way of escape,' he mocked her. 'I think you're a bit of a devil, Tarquin, and that you deliberately wanted me to think the worst,' she scolded with a. hint of laughter in her voice as she self-consciously moved away from the door. 'Perhaps it's your youth that brings out the devil in me.'

She glanced at him then with a measure of surprise, taking in the rugged features illuminated in the dashboard light. 'I don't know whether I'm supposed to take that as a compliment or not.' 'It was intended as a compliment,' he assured her, and his deep voice sounded mildly amused. 'You make me feel young again, Toni, and that could be a little dangerous at my age.' 'Stop pretending you're ancient!' she reprimanded sharply. 'I don't have to pretend. My birth certificate is irrefutable proof of the fact that I'm no longer as young as I would wish to be,' he persisted, driving into the basement of a tall block of flats, and parking in the space that was allotted to him. 'Are you angling for crutches on your next birthday?' she asked with mock severity and a touch of audacity, but to her surprise she saw him throw back his head and laugh out loud. She leaned back in her seat and watched him for a moment, unable to explain to herself the effect it had on her to see him like that, but she did know that it relieved the look of strain on his features. 'Toni, child, you're the most exquisite tonic,' he said at last when he managed to control himself, and she found it difficult to suppress the smile that hovered on her lips. 'I'm happy to be of service, Mr Radloff.' Moments later she was being swept up in a lift to the tenth floor, and along a short passage to his flat. He ushered her inside, flicking on the lights as he did so, and she stood momentarily transfixed, glancing about his spacious flat with genuine pleasure. The furnishings were modern but comfortable, and the colour scheme ranging from soft beige to various shades of brown. A typically

masculine choice, she thought, but it was infinitely pleasing on the eye. Several original paintings hung on the walls, and they consisted of carefully selected landscapes which were unmistakably South African. His expensive hi-fi equipment had been mounted on shelves against the one wall, with potted plants placed cleverly in various places to camouflage the steel fittings, while at the same time lending an almost outdoor atmosphere to the room. 'Tarquin, you have remarkable taste,' she complimented him, walking further into the room and glancing about her appreciatively. 'I can't take the credit for it entirely,' he told her, gesturing vaguely. 'Most of the ideas had been put forward by the interior decorators, and I merely selected the one which appealed to me.' 'The paintings were entirely your own choice, surely,' she remarked, examining one of the larger prints more closely, and noting the cleverly blended colours used on the mountains in the background. 'My choice entirely, yes,' he admitted, standing directly behind her. 'I've always favoured landscapes.' This pleased her somehow, and turning to face him, she found she had to crane her neck to meet his glance. 'Do you do much entertaining?' 'Occasionally ... but never here. I usually arrange a dinner at a quiet restaurant somewhere,' he replied matter-of-factly. 'I have someone who comes in daily to clean up the place, but I usually rustle up my own dinner in the evenings when I'm alone, or I have something at a little place around the corner from here if I feel like dining out.' Toni's eyes widened in surprise. 'Don't tell me you can add cookery to your other talents?'

'I wouldn't say I'm an expert on the subject, but I can prepare an edible meal if I put my mind to it,' he smiled slightly without a trace of embarrassment. 'That reminds me—would you care for some coffee?' 'Yes, please,' she nodded, shedding her wrap. 'If you'll let me make it?' 'Do you still doubt my capabilities?' he mocked her. 'No.' She shook her head, and the sheen of her honey-gold hair was trapped in the lights. 'It would make me happy to do something for you.' His cool glance appraised her with something close to astonishment before he relented. 'The kitchen is through there,' he gestured towards a door leading off to the left. 'Will you need me to show you where everything is?' 'I'll let you know if I'm unable to find anything,' she agreed, taking him quite brazenly by the shoulders and pushing him gently into a large reclining chair. 'Sit down and put your feet up. I'm sure you're dying for a smoke.' His eyes were laughing up at her. 'How did you guess?' 'Easy,' she said, her glance sparkling with humour as she gestured towards the beautifully carved stinkwood pipe stand on the marbletopped table beside his chair. 'You haven't been able to take your eyes off that pipe stand from the moment we arrived here.' She could still hear him chuckling softly as she entered the small kitchen with its white tiles and stainless steel cupboards. She filled the kettle and switched it on, amazed now at her initial nervousness in .accompanying him to his flat, and amused at the unflattering

thoughts which had flashed through her mind when he told her that he intended bringing her here. Had she not decided, some time ago, that she was quite safe with Tarquin? 'I have something for you, Toni,' Tarquin said some time later as he placed his empty cup in the tray and took a flat, square parcel off the shelf beside him. He rose slightly and placed it in her lap. Toni stared at it for a moment, fingering the bright wrapping, and unable to understand the reason for this unexpected gift, then, at his impatient glance, she removed the wrapping with hands that shook slightly. Excitement stirred warmly within her as she withdrew an album of Beethoven's finest symphonies, and she knew instinctively that it could become a tangible memory of the evening she had spent at the Festival with Tarquin. 'Tarquin ... I could never possibly accept such an expensive gift from you,' she murmured reluctantly, over-awed by his generosity. 'Don't you want it?' he asked sharply. Her hands unconsciously clutched at the album. 'Oh, I do, but -' 'Then it's yours,' he said abruptly, brushing aside her protests as he concentrated on lighting his pipe. 'There is something you could do for me in return, if you like.' 'Anything,' she replied, eagerly seeking an opportunity to repay him in some small way. 'Anything, Toni?' he mocked, and she blushed profusely, an odd flutter in her breast. 'Don't tease.'

'Very well, I won't,' he agreed, rising to his feet in an agitated fashion to lean against the stand that contained his hi-fi equipment, and looking down at her through a haze of smoke. 'You can give me your word, my dear, that if ever you need someone to talk to, or a shoulder to cry on, that you'll come to me, or telephone me. Here, or at the office, it doesn't matter. I shall be there if you need me—day or night.' Toni stared at him for a moment in stunned silence, puzzled by his amazing offer, yet grasping at it almost blindly as she set the album aside and went to him. 'Tarquin ... I don't know why you're being so kind to me, but—thank you. For the gift, and for what you've just said.' With a spontaneity that was so true to her nature, she placed a hand on either side of his face, his skin warm and rough beneath her touch as she drew his head down to kiss him on the cheek. 'I have a feeling I shall soon be needing you very much.' Tarquin covered up his surprise swiftly. 'Then you'll do as I ask?' She nodded, turning away to hide the tears which had come unbidden to her eyes, but Tarquin, perceptive as usual, was not fooled by her action, and he came up behind her to press a clean white handkerchief into her hands. 'I'm behaving like an absolute idiot,' she said crossly into the fine linen, trying to stem the flow of tears and failing. His hands were unexpectedly gentle on her slender shoulders as he turned her about to face him. 'Then why not make use of the shoulder I've offered, and make a proper job of it?' 'Oh, Tarquin ...' Toni was not ordinarily one for weeping, but, for some inexplicable reason, the tears flowed without restraint as she buried her face against the comforting breadth of his chest, and

found solace in the strength of his arms. 'I'm certain I don't deserve all the wonderful things that have happened to me.' 'You deserve much, more, but we won't go into that now,' he said just above her ear, and she wondered confusedly whether she had imagined the hint of bitterness in his voice. 'I hope I didn't spoil the evening by weeping all over you?' she asked much later when Tarquin parked his Mercedes at the entrance to the hostel and walked the remaining distance with her. 'Didn't I offer you my shoulder to cry on?' 'Yes, you did, but -' 'Then don't sound so apologetic about it,' he instructed firmly, reaching into the inside pocket of his jacket and extracting a small card. 'Put that away somewhere. It's my home and office telephone numbers.' 'Thank you, Tarquin ... for everything,' she whispered, slipping the card into her handbag, and once again she reached up to kiss the surprised Tarquin on his lean cheek. 'Goodnight.'

Except for the occasional telephone call, Toni did not see Tarquin during the following three weeks. It was a period of intensive study that culminated in the final examinations which would end her two years at the College. Jeff and Gary called occasionally, but, at the sight of the two girls seated in a shady spot in the spacious gardens with their books surrounding them, they soon excused themselves and went quietly on their way. 'I always thought old Beady Eyes was being deliberately mean when he set up our financial Accounting papers in the past, but I thank

heaven for it now, because I would most certainly have failed in this morning's exam if it hadn't been for him,' Fay remarked as they made their way from the College to the hostel at the time of the day when the heat was at its most oppressive. Toni, smiled at her friend. 'It was a very stiff exam, I admit, but we should have had the sense to realise that Mr Barker was acting on past experience.' 'Well, the agony is over, and I feel like rejoicing,' Fay exclaimed with a sigh of relief. Toni brushed her hair from her forehead and grimaced as her fingers came away damp. 'Don't forget that we still have Speech and Deportment to do this afternoon.' 'Which we shall skip through without any strenuous effort,' Fay assured her airily. 'We hope,' Toni laughed, slightly light-headed at the knowledge that the end was almost in sight. 'Come on, gloomy,' said Fay, taking Toni's arm as they entered the hostel building. 'Let's go and grab ourselves something to eat while we can.' 'Just a minute, Fay,' said Toni as she caught sight of a large white envelope reclining in one of the pigeonholes into which their post was normally sorted. 'A letter from your benefactor?' Fay asked unnecessarily, glimpsing Toni's expression as she stood staring down at die envelope in her hands. 'Yes.'

'I've never seen you look worried in the past after collecting one of his letters,' she teased Toni. 'Perhaps it's because I have a nasty feeling about this letter.' Fay's expression sobered instantly. 'What do you mean?' 'It could be the last letter I shall ever receive from him,' Toni replied, catching her trembling Up between her teeth. 'Rubbish!' Fay admonished her. 'He's always thrived on your letters in the past, and has made no effort to hide the fact, so why should he suddenly stop writing to you?' Toni closed her eyes for a moment, unable to explain her fears as she sought to steady herself. 'Let's go and have that lunch you were talking about.' Afraid to open the letter, Toni pushed it into her briefcase while they had their lunch, trying to forget its existence for a time, but finding her attempts unsuccessful. Fay tried to make light-hearted conversation at first, but she, too, lapsed into a lengthy silence as her efforts failed. Later, refreshed and relaxing on their beds for a few minutes before they returned to the College, Fay observed Toni's indecision as she turned the still sealed envelope over and over in her hands. 'Toni,' she said at last, 'if you have a feeling about that letter, perhaps you shouldn't read it before we go back for the final gruelling test.' 'I don't know what to do for the best,' Toni replied, a quiver in her voice. 'I know I shouldn't read this letter, but I also know I shall have no peace until I know its contents.'

'Have you thought of the possibility that you might just be letting your imagination run away with you?' 'Perhaps,' Toni nodded, and then, with a look of determination on her face, she slid her thumb beneath the flap and ripped open the envelope on which her name had been written in her benefactor's bold handwriting. Having got this far, she impatiently extracted the two folded sheets, and read through them swiftly. Then she read it once again, but more slowly this time, for her hands were shaking to such an extent that she could hardly grip the pages. 'Dear Antoinette,' it began in the usual manner, 'I must thank you for your letter which I received some weeks ago, and I apologise for my neglect, but I've been rather pushed for time. I've asked Ross to withhold this letter until you have taken your final exam, because I know that what I have to say may be rather upsetting for you.' 'Upsetting' was not quite the word she would have used to describe the contents of his letter, Toni thought dismally. 'Earth-shattering' would have been more appropriate, she decided as she concentrated on his letter once more. 'Antoinette my dear, I have no doubt that you've passed, because you've always worked hard at your studies in the past, and you will soon be completely independent. It makes me extremely happy to think that I had a meagre part in bringing you this far, but I don't want you to feel that you have an obligation to me in the future. You're a young woman now, on the threshold of your life, and you must be free to live that life as you please, so I'm suggesting that we discontinue our correspondence before it becomes an embarrassment to you. 'I shall know about your progress, and will watch it keenly, hoping that the advice I've given you in the past will be of some benefit to you in the future.

'Don't take this too much to heart, my dear.' Did he think she would take it laughingly? she wondered in distress, blinking her lashes rapidly to clear her vision. 'All things must end somewhere, and we must accept this with good grace. I shall miss your informative letters, I admit, for they brought a sparkle to my normally dreary existence, but I can't be selfish in this respect Trust my judgment now, as you've always trusted it in the past, and stay the sweet and generous person you are.' It was signed, 'Your grateful Benefactor.' Toni refolded the letter and slipped it into the envelope, but she was hardly aware of what she was doing. He had been her anchor in life; someone she had known she could depend on. But all at once there was nothing, and she had the strangest feeling that she had been abandoned like an unwanted child on the doorstep of someone's house. 'Was it what you'd expected?' Fay's voice interrupted her turbulent thoughts. 'Yes.' 'Care to talk about it?' her friend asked with concern. 'Not now, Fay,' she choked out the words, struggling for control and the necessary composure to face the afternoon. 'Later, perhaps.'

Faced with the problem of sorting through their possessions, Fay and Toni stared at each other rather helplessly that Saturday morning. 'Much as I looked forward to the day that I would pack my things and say goodbye to this place for ever, just as much am I dreading it,' Fay remarked whimsically, voicing Toni's thoughts exactly.

'It's been hard work, mostly, but it's been fun,' Toni acknowledged, dropping a neat pile of clothes into her suitcase and surveying the remaining contents of her cupboard with a frown. 'I honestly don't know where I'm going to find place for everything.' 'Stop worrying about it,' Fay laughed carelessly. 'We'll scrounge a few wooden boxes from the storeroom and shove the rest in there.' Toni could not prevent herself from grinning as she imagined Dulcie's shocked expression if she should arrive home with several wooden boxes forming part of her luggage. There was a sharp tap on their door. 'Toni, there's a visitor for you.' 'I'll be down in a minute,' Toni called back, frowning and muttering to herself as she closed the lid of her suitcase with difficulty. 'I wonder who it could be?' 'It wouldn't be Gary,' Fay said with certainty. 'He never gets up before eleven on a Saturday morning.' Toni did not waste much time over speculation, so it came as a pleasant surprise to see the familiar tall figure emerge from one of the chairs in the visitors' lounge as she entered. 'Tarquin!' His name on her lips was almost a sigh of relief as she went forward and placed her hands in his. 'How good it is to see you!' His eyes mocked her gently as he said: 'When you say it in that breathless little voice of yours, I can almost believe that you are pleased to see me.' 'Oh, but I am,' she protested anxiously. 'I'm always pleased to see you.'

'I'm flattered,' he bowed slightly, releasing her hands as he did so. 'I thought you might like to go for a drive. I take it you're not going home immediately?' 'No,' she shook her head. 'There's still plenty to do, so we decided to delay our departure until Tuesday.' 'Good,' he said abruptly. 'We could have lunch somewhere, and come back later this afternoon.' 'Oh, Tarquin,' her eyes shone with pleasure as she met his deceptively cool glance. 'That sounds absolutely wonderful!' 'I'll be waiting in the car for you.' Toni mounted the stairs in breathless haste, to find herself confronted by a curious Fay moments later. 'Who was it?' she demanded without preamble. 'Tarquin,' Toni informed her, changing swiftly into brown slacks and a yellow sweater that suited her colouring to perfection. 'He's taking me out for the day.' 'Where to?' Fay asked suspiciously, coming up behind Toni and meeting her glance in the mirror while she brushed her hair and applied fresh make-up. 'I have an idea he intends driving somewhere into the country.' 'Do you think that's wise?' Toni laughed exasperatedly, dropping her brush on to the dressingtable as she turned. 'Fay, I sometimes think I'm safer with Tarquin than with Gary.'

'What a thing to say!' Fay exclaimed, her expression registering shocked surprise, and a hint of hurt. 'But it's true,' Toni explained gently. 'My friendship with Tarquin is platonic and uncomplicated, but where Gary is concerned? ... well, that's another matter.' Considerably mollified, Fay asked: 'You mean that, with Gary, there's the emotional angle to consider?' 'Yes, you could say that,' Toni smiled at her friend. Fay's green eyes sparkled with mischief. 'Well, it makes me happy to know that there is at least an emotional, angle where my brother is concerned.' 'Fay, you're impossible!' Toni laughed, her cheeks stained a delicate pink as she hauled a large bag out of the cupboard and pushed a few things into it which she might require. After a momentary hesitation, she removed her benefactor's letter from the desk drawer and dropped it into her bag. 'What do I tell Gary if he should pitch up here in the hope of seeing you?' 'Why, the truth, of course,' Toni said with a certain amount of surprise as she zipped up her bag and prepared to leave. 'He won't like it,' Fay warned, fingering her dark ponytail thoughtfully. 'Just do your best to explain,' Toni replied calmly, slipping the strap of her bag over her shoulder and striding towards the door. 'See you later this afternoon, Fay.'

Tarquin drove in a north-westerly direction after leaving the city, taking her on a scenic drive down through the fertile farmlands of the Magalies River Valley, which was noted particularly for its roses. It was a scorching day, with hardly a breeze and the open road lying shimmering in the heat before them, but Tarquin had switched on the air-conditioner and the interior of the car was pleasantly cool during the almost hour long journey to the picnic spot he had in mind. When he finally parked the car beneath a shady bush-willow on the banks of the river, with the stone- ridged Magaliesberg mountain range just beyond, Toni felt quite lethargic and almost reluctant to exchange the interior of the car for the rug he had spread out for them on the grass. 'I occasionally do a bit of fishing here, but this isn't one of my favourite spots as far as that's concerned,' he explained, lowering himself on to the rug beside her. 'Is that why you left your fishing gear behind?' 'This little excursion was planned with your relaxation in mind, and not my own.' 'Perhaps it's just as well,' Toni said absently, hugging her knees as she stared thoughtfully out across the river. 'If the fish feel anything similar to what I feel like at the moment, then it's not surprising if they consider it too much of an effort to take the bait.' 'Tired?' he questioned, leaning towards her and observing her intently. 'Hm ...' she nodded, closing her eyes partly against the reflected glare of the sun on the water, and partly against his probing glance which she found so disturbing.

She heard Tarquin remove his jacket and from beneath her lashes saw him fold it into an improvised Cushion for her. 'Lie down and rest for a while.' 'I wouldn't dream of it,' she promptly rejected the idea. 'Stop arguing, and do as you're told, Toni.' A heavy hand gripped her shoulder and pushed her down until her head rested on his jacket. 'You have a few strenuous weeks behind you, and you need these few hours to unravel your mind and to relax completely.' 'You're so kind and thoughtful, Tarquin,' she smiled up at him a little uncertainly. 'I can't help wondering why at times.' 'Are you looking forward to your holiday at home?' he asked, ignoring her remark. 'Yes, I am.' The smell of the wild grass and the sound of the river was all around them as she sent him a glance that was unintentionally pleading. 'Will you come out to Pretoria and see us over Christmas, or will you be away?' 'I have no plans as yet, so I might just take a drive in that direction one day,' he replied in a not too promising tone of voice. 'If you do, be sure to bring your swimming gear. We practically live beside the pool during the Christmas season.' Her thoughts turned inevitably to the previous Christmas, and the magnificent bouquet of proteas she had received from the man who had so kindly set himself up as her benefactor. After stating so categorically that he wished to discontinue their correspondence, would he object to receiving a Christmas card from her? she wondered distractedly, and floundering like a fledgling leaving its nest for the first time.

CHAPTER FOUR TONI had taken great care that morning with her makeup in an attempt to hide the faint shadows beneath her eyes, but the unhappiness in their golden-brown depths were clearly visible to Tarquin's perceptive glance. 'What's the problem, Toni?' She closed her eyes for a moment, knowing that she would burst into tears if she were forced to discuss the subject at that moment. She needed time to steel herself against the hurt, she thought as she said evasively, 'Should there be a problem?' 'Credit me with some intelligence!' Tarquin's impatience with her was her undoing, and the tears which she had tried so desperately to suppress since receiving that dreadful letter rose to her eyes and spilled over on to her cheeks as she sat up quickly and turned her back on him. 'I'm sorry,' she whispered brokenly, groping in her bag for the handkerchief and finding it quite ineffectual against the flood of tears, for it was soaked within seconds. 'No, I'm the one who should apologise,' Tarquin corrected in a gender tone, pressing a large handkerchief into her hands, and drawing her back against him. 'It never ceases to amaze me that women carry such flimsy bits of lace about with them. They're useless in a situation such as this.' Toni choked back a giggle as she dried her. eyes. 'Perhaps it's because most women have the subconscious hope that there'll be a good, strong, dependable man about on such an occasion who would gallantly offer his large handkerchief for the purpose of mopping up our silly tears.'

Tarquin uttered a sound that was between a laugh and a groan. 'Feeling any better?' 'Much better, thank you,' she sighed, returning his handkerchief. 'Now perhaps you'll tell me what's upset you in this way?' he suggested persuasively, and, resigning herself to the inevitable, she moved away from the comfort of his broad chest to find the letter in her bag. 'Read that.' She watched him scan the two sheets briefly with a tight-lipped expression before he returned it to her. 'Ross and I did warn you that this might happen, remember?' 'Yes,' she admitted ruefully, 'but it was upsetting nevertheless.' 'You'll get over it,' he stated firmly, and with a strange lack of feeling she could not credit him with. She dropped the letter into her bag and hugged her knees in a childlike fashion. 'I've been trying to compose a letter to him in an effort to explain that I've never considered it my duty to write to him and that it would give me tremendous pleasure to continue -' 'No!' Tarquin interrupted sharply. 'The letter states quite plainly that he wants your correspondence to cease. He gives his reasons why, and I think you should accept them for what they're worth.' 'But perhaps he's expecting a reply of some sort,' she persisted doggedly. 'The way I read it, he doesn't expect a reply at all, so leave it, my dear.'

'I wonder ...' 'What do you wonder, child?' he prompted, reaching out to touch her hair and letting it curl softly about his fingers. 'Do you suppose that, in some way, my letters were an embarrassment to him?' 'When the initial hurt has subsided, read that letter again, and you'll discover that he's feeling just as unhappy about the situation, but that he's doing what he Considers best for you.' She raised her glance to his, noticing the strained look in his grey eyes. 'Do you honestly think so?' 'Yes, I do.' His hand was warm and a little rough against her cheek now as she swallowed at the restriction in her throat and came to terms with the situation. 'Well, I suppose if that's the way he wants it, then I shouldn't make a fuss about it.' 'Now you're being sensible,' he smiled briefly, releasing her and leaning back against the tree with a tired look about his eyes. 'Tell me about your exams.' Toni lowered her chin to her knees, glad now that she had spoken of her problem. 'Most of the papers were pretty stiff, but I think I've passed—unless they intend to fail me for dropping a supposedly important file, and spilling the contents all over the floor.' He glanced at her swiftly. 'How did that happen?' 'I'd just received that letter, and we were doing Speech and Deportment after lunch,' she explained, no longer finding her

thoughts so painful. 'I was more than a little shaky at the start of the test, but afterwards everything went smoothly.' 'I'm sorry.' 'Why should you be sorry?' she asked in surprise. 'Because you can be such an emotional child at times.' 'And what makes you suspect that I'm emotional?' Tarquin raised his eyebrows mockingly. 'Haven't you wept into my handkerchief on two occasions to my knowledge?' Toni lowered her glance swiftly, but her heightened colour conveyed her discomfort. 'It's not very kind of you to remind me.' 'You'll discover, Toni, that I am never kind,' he assured her harshly, but, recalling his gentleness on certain occasions, she found this impossible to accept. 'I refuse to believe that you're a tyrant.' 'You haven't put me on a pedestal, have you?' he queried suddenly. She smiled then. 'No, but I refuse to believe you could be anything but kind and considerate.' 'You're certainly good for my ego, child.' 'I'm not a child,' she protested, taking a sudden dislike to that term of address. 'No, you're a young lady,' he mocked her openly. 'Does that make you happier?'

'A little,' she laughed, regaining her confidence as she took her sketchbook and pencil from her bag, and shifted her position slightly to rest her back against the bumper of the car. 'Smoke your pipe, Tarquin, you're longing to anyway.' 'Do I look as though I'm craving for tobacco?' he asked with dry humour. 'No, but it helps you to relax, and you look as though you could do with a few hours of peace and quiet.' His glance registered surprise ... and something else which was indefinable. 'Perceptive little devil, aren't you?' 'Sometimes,' she admitted with a hint of mischief curving her mouth softly and adding a sparkle to her eyes. She sat there for a time sketching the mountains and the river, but there was something in Tarquin's relaxed and thoughtful attitude that captured her attention. Without actually intending to, she turned the page and began an inspired sketch of him as he sat staring out across the river with his favourite pipe clenched between his strong teeth. She worked feverishly for some time before she was satisfied with the result. She had not been able to capture that look of sadness she had seen in an unguarded moment, but the rest was all there from the shoulders upwards. The thick hair flecked with grey, brushed back severely and kept short in the nape of his neck, the rugged features relaxed and calm, and the blue open-necked shirt displaying the tanned column of his throat and spanning almost too tightly across his broad shoulders. Observing him closely, she wished for the first time that she could have been proficient in oils, for she would have dearly loved to reproduce this sketch on canvas.

'What are you sketching?' he asked eventually, knocking his pipe out against the tree. 'You,' she admitted, swiftly adding the finishing touches. 'May I see it?' 'If you promise not to laugh,' she agreed nervously. Tearing out the page, she passed it to him and waited anxiously for his opinion. He studied it for some time and she watched him closely, a nervous little pulse throbbing in her throat. 'This is very good,' he said at last. 'Except that you've been kind enough to make me look younger.' 'I wasn't being kind to you at all,' she replied, a little shocked at his remark. 'You were relaxed, and it made you appear more youthful.' There was derisive mockery in the eyes that met hers. 'You admit then that I usually look my age?' 'I admit nothing of the sort,' she retorted crossly, 'and stop trying- to give the impression that you're as old as Methuselah!' A look of astonishment crowed his face. 'My dear child, when I was twenty I considered everyone over the age of thirty as old, so why should I imagine you think differently?' 'You're being silly, Tarquin,' she rebuked him gently. 'Do you always allow your age to trouble you in this way?' 'No,' he said, his glance taking in her slender curves. 'Perhaps it's your youthfulness that emphasises my age in a way that's not always acceptable to me.'

'To me you're not old, Tarquin,' she said, a thought occurring to her which was quite disturbing. 'But, if my presence instigates this feeling, would you rather we don't see so much of each other?' 'That wouldn't solve the problem, my dear, it would only make it worse,' he assured her, placing a finger beneath her chin and raising her face to his so that she was forced to meet his cool glance. 'I enjoy your company, Toni. You're not afraid to speak your mind, and I like the way you occasionally order me about.' 'You mean, because you're way up there in your ivory tower, people mostly tremble before you?' 'That's one way of putting it, I suppose,' he frowned, releasing her and looking out across the river. She reached up impulsively and kissed his cheek. 'I think you're very nice, and very human. And I would like to prove how wrong they all are about you.' 'Toni, I'm not necessarily the same at work as I am with you,' he said with tolerant amusement. 'If you want to stay on top, you have to be a little ruthless at times.' 'Are you trying to tell me that you're harsh and mean, and an absolute ogre?' 'Something like that,' he admitted, now openly amused. 'Shame on you,' she teased, holding out her hand. 'May I have my sketch back, please?' 'You may not,' he said firmly, rising to his feet. 'I intend to keep it.' s

'But it isn't a good sketch at all,' she protested as she saw him put it away safely in the dashboard of the car.

'I told you once that you were being modest,' he said, slamming the door and turning to face her with a speculative look in his eyes. 'I have proof now that you were being much more than that. You're very talented.' 'And you're a flatterer.' 'I never flatter, Toni,' he said abruptly, resuming his seat and lighting his pipe. 'I always speak the truth, no matter how painful it may be on occasion.' 'Why have you never married, Tarquin?' she asked eventually, closing her sketchbook and laying it aside to glance at him through lowered lashes. 'There was someone once, but --' 'You changed your mind about her?' she finished for him when he hesitated. 'A change of mind had nothing to do with it,' he replied casually. 'She preferred someone else and that was that.' Toni's heart ached for him. 'Is that why you never married? Because you still love her?' 'Don't be a silly child,' he said a little impatiently. 'Do you intend to remain a bachelor for the rest of your life just because one foolish woman didn't realise your potential?' Steel-grey eyes raked her mockingly. 'Potential as what?' 'As a husband and father, naturally,' she replied, a little flustered. 'Do you consider that I have potential in that direction, Toni?'

Refusing to have her convictions dampened by his mockery, she said: 'I think you would make some lucky woman an exacting but wonderful husband, and you'd be a splendid father, but I won't embarrass you by rattling off a further list of your virtues.' Tarquin was silent for a moment, apparently finding some difficulty in keeping his pipe alight, then, without looking at her, he said: 'If I ever have the good, or bad, fortune to meet someone I want to marry, then I shall send the lady to you for a reference.' 'Do that,' she laughed, but the thought was curiously disturbing, and it lingered in her mind throughout the rest of the day despite her efforts to shake off the uneasiness that came with the thought of Tarquin marrying someone who might object to their deepening friendship.

Toni and Fay spent their last evening before the holidays with Jeff and Gary, and, as always, Gary drew Toni into the shadows of the trees when they returned to the hostel. His kisses stirred her emotions, but she once again experienced that feeling of withdrawal within her when he became too passionate. 'I shall see you during the holidays,' he said at last. 'Rustenburg isn't so terribly far from Pretoria, but don't forget me in the meantime.' 'Don't be silly, Gary,' she laughed softly, trying to free herself from his arms. 'I must go in. I still have plenty of packing to do.' 'Not yet, sweetheart,' he protested, his breath warm against her cheek. 'One last kiss before you go ... hm? Am I asking too much?' 'No, I suppose not,' she relented, offering him her lips reluctantly, but she regretted her action instantly. His kiss was possessive, and

so also the hands that caressed her, filling her with a strange revulsion that made her struggle for release. 'Stop fighting me, sweetheart,' he groaned, his arms tightening about her as he sought her evasive lips. 'No, Gary! Don't!' she commanded sharply, and it appeared to have the desired effect, for he released her slightly to grip her arms just above the elbows. 'Why not?' he demanded hoarsely. 'You're my girl, aren't you?' 'Yes, but... that doesn't mean that—that -' she faltered, her cheeks hot with embarrassment. He laughed with sudden understanding, his hands moving caressingly against her arms as she stared up into his shadowy face. 'You're a bit old-fashioned, Toni, but I like you that way, and it's going to be fun teaching you all there is to know about love.' 'What do you mean?' she asked suspiciously, extricating herself and moving a little away from him. 'Don't worry your pretty little head about it,' he replied, taking her arm as they exchanged the intimacy of the shadows for the well-lit gravel path. 'And save your kisses for me, understand?' Gary's remarks troubled her for a time, but his impeccable behaviour, during his frequent visits to her home during the holidays, set her mind at ease. She had had to put up with a considerable amount of teasing from Ross, but he also made it embarrassingly clear that he approved of their friendship. It was touching, and a little premature, for Toni had not quite made up her mind about Gary, while he still had his final year at university to complete.

Except for a printed Christmas card from Tarquin, she saw nothing of him at all over the Christmas holidays. She had telephoned him at his flat one evening, but there had been no reply, and she did not have the nerve to try again, hoping instead that he would contact her when he had a free moment. Her benefactor, too, had dealt her a severe blow that Christmas by not replying to the Christmas card she had selected specially for him, but it made her realise, only too clearly, that he had been deadly serious about discontinuing their association. With Christmas and the New Year celebrations behind her, Toni idled away the time in their private pool, escaping in that way from the excessive January heat while she waited for the employment agency in Johannesburg to contact her. There was nothing rare about spending a Sunday alone at home with Dulcie away playing tennis, and Ross on the golf course, but on this occasion Toni felt somehow dejected as she settled down at the side of the pool with a book and an umbrella for shade. She read for a while, but found her mind wondering aimlessly, and, shrugging off her towelling robe, she finally dived into the pool and swam across it several times until she had worked off most of her excess energy. She turned over on to her back, floating in a leisurely fashion and wondering what to do with the rest of the morning, when someone plunged into the pool behind her, sending a spray of water in all directions. Arms flailing in an effort to face her unknown companion, she turned just in time to see a tanned, muscular body approach her swiftly beneath the water, but, before she had time to cry out, strong hands gripped her slender waist and lifted her almost clear out of the water. 'Tarquin!' she screamed, recognition bringing with it a flood of relief as she clutched frantically at his powerful shoulders for support and

stared down into his familiar face with his hair lying dark and wet across his forehead. 'You scared the life out of me!' 'I know,' he said, his grin a flash of white in his tanned features as he lowered her slightly to bring her eyes on a level with his. 'I can feel your heart beating against your ribs.' She was all at once embarrassingly conscious of his nearness, of his muscular thighs against her own, and the feel of his hair-roughened chest beneath her fingertips. 'Where have you been hiding yourself all these weeks?' she asked in an attempt to appear casual. 'I've only just got back from Namibia,' he told her, releasing her suddenly and treading water as he placed some distance between them. 'A friend of mine has a business there, but he hasn't been doing so well and is thinking of selling out.' 'And are you thinking of buying?' 'As a matter of fact, I am.' 'Do you think you would do any better than your friend?' 'I almost certainly shall,' he replied with an arrogance that surprised her. 'And what happens to your friend?' 'He stays on in the business, naturally, but he'll be working under my supervision.' 'Won't he mind?' she asked curiously, experiencing a twinge of pity for a man she did not know.

'He can't afford to,' came the abrupt reply. 'He needs the money, and I have it.' 'It sounds terribly ruthless to me,' she challenged. Namibia is suffering the same economic crisis we are in this country, and the small business man just doesn't stand a chance. Peter realises this, and that's why he's selling out while he's still able to regain most of the capital he put into the business.' 'What you actually intend doing, then, is to open up a branch in Namibia?' 'Something like that,' he smiled slightly. 'Race you to the other side!' His unexpected challenge caught her unawares, and she came a poor second, but laughing and spluttering she admitted defeat. They swam about lazily for some time after that before he hauled himself out, instructing her to do the same. A flicker of admiration raced through her at the sight of his muscular body in the dark blue bathing trunks, and Toni stared almost hypnotically at the way the muscles in his arm rippled when he took her hand and lifted her effortlessly out of the water. 'Have you found yourself a job yet?' he asked as they reclined in the deck chairs with a long, cool drink she had collected from the kitchen. 'No,' she shook her head, watching a dragonfly hovering expectantly above the water. 'My name is down at the agency in Johannesburg, but I haven't heard from them yet.' 'Would you consider a temporary post as private secretary to Graham Todd for six months?'

She glanced at him then, her eyes wide and questioning beneath gently arched brows. 'Graham Todd, the lawyer?' 'Yes,' he said, draining his glass and placing it on the table beside him. 'But surely he would want someone with experience?' 'He's not concerned with that at the moment,' Tarquin gestured impatiently. 'He's looking for someone who's bright and intelligent to take his secretary's place while she's away on a six-month visit overseas.' Suspicion stirred unreasonably within her. 'You haven't been pulling a few strings on my behalf, have you?' 'No, I haven't,' he said abruptly as if the thought was distasteful. 'I ran into Graham yesterday, and he happened to mention his predicament. Jobs are difficult to get these days, and most firms want someone with previous experience. Six months as Graham's private secretary would give you an enviable reference with which to find something else eventually.' His glance sharpened. 'Interested?' 'Very,' she admitted, excitement rising within her. 'Do you think you could be in Johannesburg on Tuesday morning?' 'There's nothing to stop me.' 'Good,' he nodded. 'I've made a provisional appointment for you to see Graham at eleven, but I'll confirm it with him first thing tomorrow morning.' He frowned at her. 'Do you know where Graham's rooms are?'

'Yes,' she said a little breathlessly at the speed with which things were moving. 'In Braamfontein, quite close to the railway station.' 'Right,' he said, rising to his feet. 'I'll meet you at Enrico's in Troye Street for lunch at twelve-thirty, then you can tell me how the interview went.' 'Where are you going?' she demanded, sitting up abruptly as he strode purposefully towards the sliding glass doors. He turned then, indicating his bathing trunks. 'I can't drive back to Johannesburg like this.' The realisation that he intended leaving almost at once drove her to action, and nimble-footed she ran towards him, gripping his arm anxiously. 'But you're staying to lunch, aren't you? Dulcie always prepares enough food to feed an army, so one extra wouldn't matter.' The muscles in his arm tightened beneath her touch as he glanced down at her with a look of irritation on his face. 'My dear child, I have a stack of work to get through before tomorrow and, much as I would love to stay, I must get back.' He removed her hand gently but firmly from his arm and stepped inside, his broad back turned formidably towards her as he made his way across the sun- room with its bright cane furniture and potted plants. 'Why didn't you save yourself the trip by just telephoning? It would have taken up less of your valuable time.' An ominous silence followed her peevish remark as he turned slowly to face her, and, leaning back against the glass door with the edge of the metal frame digging into her back, she realised her blunder.

'Do I detect a note of sarcasm in your voice?' he asked, approaching her with narrowed eyes. Not for one moment would she let him guess at her momentary fear, she thought, her chin raised defiantly. 'If there is, then your behaviour is the cause of it.' Her pulse quickened as he stood before her, the gleam of mockery in his eyes dispelling her fears instantly. 'What do you want of me, Toni?' 'It would satisfy me to know that you came specially because you missed me a little.' His eyes flickered strangely, then, with an insolence that sent the blood rushing to her cheeks, he slid his glance down the length of her slim, tanned body, lingering on curves accentuated by the perfect fit of her swimsuit, and returning yet again to the tantalising shadow between her small, firm breasts. 'Are you asking for flattery, Toni?' he asked eventually, meeting her embarrassed, but steady regard. 'No ... the truth.' There was another long silence during which she became aware of his height and breadth, and of the peculiar feeling that her foolish remarks had made of him a stranger, instead of the man she thought she was beginning to know so well. 'Very well,' he said at last, his voice deep and vibrant. 'I came because the desire to see you was far stronger than the desire merely to speak to you on the telephone.' The muscles in his jaw relaxed. 'Does that satisfy you?'

'It will do,' she smiled, expelling her breath slowly and thankful that the moment of danger had passed. Tarquin strode swiftly from the room, but he left Toni feeling inexplicably happy. He had missed her after all! After a moment of indecision she hurried up to her room and changed into shorts and a thin sweater, brushing her hair until it shone, and applying a little make-up before she pushed her feet into a pair of comfortable sandals. To her surprise Tarquin awaited her in the hall, a careless finger hooked in the dark grey jacket which was slung carelessly across one shoulder, and his hair, darkened by dampness, combed back severely. He was admiring Dulcie's newest acquisition, a delicately cut, narrow-necked glass vase, when he turned at the sound of Toni's steps on the tiled floor. His expression was inscrutable as his glance took in her long-limbed youthfulness. 'I thought for a moment that you'd gone into seclusion.' 'I have every intention of behaving like the perfect hostess by walking you to your car,' she said in an attempt at haughtiness, wrinkling her nose at him suddenly and laughing softly. 'Dulcie is very concerned about what the neighbours think, and it wouldn't do for me to be seen in the driveway, saying farewell to a man while I was dressed in a towelling robe which would give the impression that I'd just stepped out of bed.' Unexpected laughter lurked in his eyes as they stepped outside, but, before he could reply, Dulcie's green Fiat came up the drive and crunched to a halt at the foot of the steps behind Tarquin's Mercedes.

'Aren't you staying to lunch, Tarquin?' she asked, slamming the car door, and looking remarkably young in her tennis dress as she came up the steps towards them. 'Ross will be here any moment now.' Tarquin shook his head. 'Some other time, Dulcie, but warn him that I shall be coming through soon to challenge him to a game of golf.' 'That should perk him up tremendously, Tarquin. He's been complaining lately that the competition is rather low these days,' she explained laughingly, knowing that Ross always considered Tarquin a strong challenger. 'Make it soon, though, and come for the weekend.' 'I'll let you know as soon as I have a free week-end,' he promised, and Dulcie excused herself, leaving them alone once more. Toni walked silently beside him down to his car, wondering what Ross and Dulcie would have to say about the prospect that she might soon be leaving home again, but her attention returned swiftly to the man beside her as he flung his jacket into the back of the car and turned to face her, his eyes narrowed against the sun. 'Tuesday, twelve-thirty at Enrico's?' 'Yes,' she nodded. 'And Tarquin ... I missed you too,' she confessed without embarrassment, standing on tiptoe to brush her lips against his cheek, but Tarquin turned his head a fraction, capturing her lips unexpectedly with his own. It had all happened so swiftly that he had climbed into his car and was driving through the gates before she had time to register surprise. She raised experimental fingers to her lips, not knowing what she expected to find, but a wave of colour surged into her cheeks as she realised that it had been a brief but totally pleasing experience.

Graham Todd was younger than Toni had expected, for she judged him to be in his early forties when she faced him across the large desk in his ultra-modern office that Tuesday morning. He was obviously a man who did not believe in wasting time, for he glanced briefly at her reports and fired rapid questions at her. Finally, peering at her over the fop of his dark-rimmed spectacles, he asked: 'How soon can you start?' 'As s-soon as you like,' she stuttered, unable to believe that he considered her suitable. 'Monday?' 'Yes.' 'Good.' He smiled then, transforming his appearance into something less frightening. 'You have a week to pick up the general routine from Mrs MacDonald, but after that you'll be on your own.' He rose to his feet, thrusting a hand towards her, and her fingers were once again crushed in his firm grip. 'I shall expect you on Monday at eight-thirty.' .With almost an hour at her disposal before she had to meet Tarquin, Toni found herself wandering through the streets in a dazed fashion, killing time by doing a fair amount of window-shopping, yet not taking in much of what she saw. She arrived at Enrico's a little early, but at the mention of Tarquin's name she was immediately ushered towards a secluded table in the restaurant. The Italian manager explained in broken English that Signor Radloff was a regular customer, and that it was their privilege to offer him the best table in the restaurant.

A little overawed, Toni thanked him somewhat breathlessly and settled down to wait, but Tarquin arrived almost immediately afterwards, and she watched with undisguised admiration as his tall figure approached her with purposeful strides. He slid into the seat opposite her and, taking one look at her flushed cheeks, said: 'So you've got the job.' 'Yes,' she replied with suppressed excitement. The short and stout Italian appeared once more beside their table, his smile almost as broad as his pleasant features. 'A little wine, I think, Enrico,' Tarquin answered his polite query. 'And then I think we'll have something light to eat. Your salad speciality, perhaps?' 'Certainly, signore,' Enrico bowed before snapping his fingers at the wine steward. 'I shall see to the salads personally, signore.'

CHAPTER FIVE 'IT seems as though you're an honoured customer,' Toni remarked teasingly as they sipped their wine. Tarquin shrugged carelessly. 'I did Enrico a favour once shortly after he arrived in this country, and he's never forgotten.' 'And you insist that you're not kind,' she mocked him gently. 'There was no kindness involved in the favour,' he said abruptly, changing the subject. 'When do you start work?' 'Monday.' 'Have you found yourself accommodation yet?' 'No,' she shook her head, her fingers lightly caressing the delicate stem of the glass. 'I shall have to make a few enquiries this afternoon.' 'That won't be necessary. I've tentatively booked a room for you at a respectable residential hotel which is situated on the bus route to Graham's offices. All you have to do is go along and confirm it.' Toni stared at him for a moment with a slight feeling of irritation. 'Why do I have the distinct feeling that you're organising my life?' His eyes narrowed, flicking over her censoriously. 'I'm not organising your life, Toni. I'm merely trying to make it a little easier for you.' , 'Why?' His lips curved into a derisive smile. 'Perhaps it's because you still have that helpless look of a child about you.'

'I'm not a child,' she argued, disliking the term intensely. 'And I'm quite capable of looking after myself, you know.' 'Are you?' he mocked, but before she could think of a suitable reply their lunch was served, and her irritability disappeared miraculously as she glanced at the decoratively prepared salads which succeeded in awakening her appetite. Enrico had excelled himself, and Tarquin, remarking upon this, caused Enrico to return to his kitchen, wreathed in smiles. Toni no longer had any desire to pick up the conversation where they had left off, and she applied herself to her food, looking up for the first time when Tarquin asked: 'Have you accepted the fact that your benefactor has stepped out of your life?' Her glance clouded. 'I've accepted it in the way I've had to accept so many things in my life.' 'Do I detect a note of bitterness?' he asked, his lips tightening considerably. 'No, Tarquin,' she replied firmly. 'I've been very happy with Ross and Dulcie, and I've enjoyed everything of the best, but there are times when the desire to actually belong to someone is very strong.' Embarrassment stained her cheeks. 'Does that sound silly to you?' His hand found hers across the table and closed about it warmly. 'No, it doesn't. It's the most natural thing to want to belong to someone, and to feel that they're a part of you, but you'll know that feeling once you're married with children of your own.' Was there a hint of loneliness in his voice, or was it merely her imagination? 'Do you occasionally have the same desire to belong to someone?'

The shutters snapped down over his eyes as he released her hand abruptly and applied himself to his food. 'I belong to my work, and it gives me all the satisfaction that I need.' 'I can't imagine there being any warmth in a relationship such as that, or that it could be as fulfilling as being married to the right woman.' 'The right woman never came along, and now it's too late.' 'It's never too late, Tarquin,' she replied with a rush of warmth. A flicker of amusement crossed his stern features. 'Do you think so?' Toni glanced at him helplessly, but knew better than to pursue the subject, for a bachelor such as Tarquin would not be easily convinced. * Toni's first week in her new job was not as nerve- racking as she had expected it to be. Mrs MacDonald, a charming woman in her late forties, was considerate and encouraging, and almost apologetic about the fact that she was flying to England to see her family for the first time in fifteen years. She patiently explained the office procedure to Toni, making her go through it step by step, but, with Mrs MacDonald's departure at the end of that week, Toni still felt decidedly inadequate. She discovered, however, that Graham Todd was an easy man to work for despite his abruptness which made him a frightening opponent in court, and she soon settled down in her new environment. Soon afterwards Fay arrived in the city, fired with energy for her new job. On Toni's recommendation, she moved in at the same hotel, but it did not take them long to decide that a suitable flat was

what they wanted, and that they would spend every free moment hunting for it. It was during the last week in January that Toni pushed her work aside for a moment, making up her mind, at last, to telephone Tarquin at his office. This was something she had usually managed to avoid in the past, but on this occasion she felt justified in doing so, for to keep the wonderful news to herself a moment longer was asking a little too much. 'Mr Radloff does not wish to be disturbed it the moment,' his secretary informed Toni a few seconds later. 'May I have your name, please?' Toni swallowed her disappointment and supplied her name, then, to her astonishment, the businesslike voice said: 'Just a moment, Miss Schafer, I'll put you. through at once.' The line went dead for a second or two before Tarquin's deep voice said: 'Hello, Toni. What can I do for you?' 'Tarquin, I'm sorry,' she apologised at once. 'Your secretary said you weren't to be disturbed.' 'I can spare you a few minutes.' 'I'll be quick, then,' she promised guiltily. 'Tarquin, I thought you'd want to know that Fay and I have passed our exams. We got our results this morning.' 'Congratulations, my dear,' he said warmly. 'This calls for a celebration. Do the two of you have escorts for this evening?' 'I think Fay has rounded up Jeff and Gary, but we haven't decided yet what we're going to do.' There was a brief pause before he said: 'Would you allow me to make a few arrangements for you?'

'What kind of arrangements, Tarquin?' she asked suspiciously. 'Would you object to having dinner somewhere at my expense?' Part of her instantly rejected this idea, while the other warned her to be careful. 'I... don't, know.' 'Leave it to me, Toni, and I'll ring you back as soon as I've arranged it.' 'But, Tarquin -?' The line went dead abruptly, and she sighed as she dropped the lifeless receiver on to its hook. She should have guessed that Tarquin would think up something such as this, and a wave of embarrassment swept over her at the thought that his offer might stem from what he considered she had expected of him. All manner of thoughts plagued her as she drew her typewriter closer and continued with the letters Graham had dictated to her that morning, but she found herself making foolish errors and having to re-type several pages. When the telephone rang a half hour later, she lifted the receiver with a feeling of trepidation. 'Graham Todd's office.' Tarquin wasted little time with preliminaries. 'Toni, I've booked a table for four at the Sheridan for seven o'clock this evening. For dining and dancing they're the best, so I hope you enjoy yourselves, and don't worry about the expense.' 'But, Tarquin, we couldn't—' 'Of course you can,' he interrupted impatiently. 'Accept it as a congratulatory gift from a friend.'

'Will you be there?' she asked hopefully. 'No, I have a business engagement this evening.' 'Oh.' Disappointment mingled with her guilt. 'Tarquin, I feel terrible about this. I didn't telephone you with the intention of getting an evening's free entertainment out of you.' There was a chilling silence at the other end of the line. 'I never thought that for one moment, my dear.' 'I'm glad,' she sighed with relief. 'I was beginning to feel awfully guilty about it.' 'That was silly of you, wasn't it?' he mocked harshly. 'I know, but I couldn't help being a little afraid of what you might think,' she confessed, her tension evaporating. 'You were just being over-sensitive, and now I must hurry, my dear. I have a meeting to attend, and I'm late as it is,' he said a little tersely. 'Pass on my congratulations to Fay.' 'Thank you, I will,' Toni promised. 'And thank you also for making this evening possible.' Tarquin muttered something she could not make out, but the line went dead before she could question him, and a few minutes later she telephoned Fay to tell her about the arrangements Tarquin had made.

The Sheridan was one of those places where only the wealthy could afford to pay the high prices for the luxury of exquisitely prepared food served by a perfectly trained staff. Chandeliers hung from a

high ceiling to throw a subdued light across the plushly carpeted interior, enhancing the beauty of the glittering silverware and finely cut crystal glasses. The tables were situated in small alcoves which afforded the customers a certain amount of privacy, and towards the other end of the restaurant a larger alcove accommodated the orchestra, leaving a large amount of floor space uncarpeted for those who wished to dance. Toni glanced about her appreciatively, thankful that she had chosen to wear the expensive pale green chiffon evening gown which Dulcie had bought for her during the holidays, and, glancing down at herself with satisfaction, she knew that she compared favourably with the well-dressed women seated close by. One woman in particular had caught her attention. She was seated in the alcove beside theirs, and her white caftan, braided with gold, showed off to perfection the lustrous red-gold hair that was swept away from her perfect features to hang in soft curls down her back. It was, however, her bored expression that drew Toni's glances in particular. There was little time to ponder over this, for much to their surprise, the steward appeared with champagne on ice. He removed the cork deftly, filled their glasses, and departed just as silently, leaving the bottle behind for those who wished to help themselves. 'Wait a minute, everyone,' Fay announced as they raised their glasses. 'We owe this evening to Toni's friend Mr Radloff, so let's drink our first toast to him.' Jeff, his unruly sandy hair disciplined severely for the occasion, nodded soberly as he raised his glass. 'To Tarquin Radloff.' 'To Tarquin Radloff,' they echoed, raising their glasses to their lips.

'Excuse me,' a pleasant, well-modulated voice remarked, and Toni turned slightly in her seat to face the red-haired woman in the white caftan. 'Did I hear you mention the name of Tarquin Radloff?' 'Yes, so we did,' she acknowledged, noticing an odd flicker of emotion in the green, heavily lashed eyes. 'With an unusual name like that there can be only one Tarquin Radloff in Johannesburg,' the woman remarked, turning fully towards Toni and completely ignoring the three people at her table who had halted their conversation abruptly to listen intently to what this woman was saying. The atmosphere was unusually tense and Toni passed the tip of her tongue nervously across her dry lips as she glanced at the woman's ringed hand resting on the padded division between their tables. 'Are you a friend of his, Mrs ... er ...?' 'Garland. Nell Garland,' she introduced herself, gesturing towards the stout, bald-headed gentleman beside her. 'And this is my husband, Eddie.' Introductions were made all round, and Toni was acutely conscious of four pairs of eyes fixed intently upon herself and Nell Garland as the latter said: 'I knew Tarquin very well... once.' The green eyes grew a shade misty, but they flashed an angry fire when Eddie Garland remarked pointedly: 'As a matter of fact, she almost married him.' 'Yes ... almost,' Nell Garland admitted sarcastically, 'and now I have to live with my folly.' A dull red colour surged into Eddie Garland's face, but his wife showed no sign of regret as she faced Toni once more. 'Tell me, is Tarquin married?'

'No,' Toni replied, her senses sharpened with the knowledge that this had to be the woman Tarquin had spoken of, and, not wanting Nell Garland to get the impression that Tarquin had been pining away for love of her all these years, she added with unashamed devilment, 'But he is planning to be married some time this year.' 'Oh.' Green eyes lost their sparkle and mirrored discontentment. 'Do you know the woman he intends to marry?' 'I'm afraid I don't,' Toni replied truthfully, crossing her fingers so tightly under cover of the tablecloth that she almost stopped the circulation. 'If you should see him again, tell him I send my regards, will you?' 'Certainly.' A peculiar silence followed this conversation and, taking a mouthful of her champagne to steady the hammering of her heart, Toni almost choked on it. What Tarquin would say when this information reached his ears she had no way of knowing, but there was only one way of counteracting his anger. She would have to tell him personally before he heard it elsewhere, but she was not sure that she would be able to explain the reason for her rash statement. Tarquin was not without humour, and he would surely understand. Wouldn't he? 'You never told us that Mr Radloff was planning to be married?' Fay accused in a lowered voice to prevent the occupants at the next table from overhearing. 'Well, now you know,' Toni replied abruptly, avoiding the probing eyes of her friends, and wishing suddenly that she had never set eyes on Nell Garland— the woman whose beauty had once succeeded in capturing the heart of Tarquin Radloff. Why this thought should

irritate her was beyond her understanding, but it had left her feeling considerably depressed. Later that evening, mellowed by the good food and the early departure of Nell and Eddie Garland, Toni allowed Gary to entice her on to the floor where other couples swayed to the slow beat of the music. 'You look lovely tonight,' he whispered, nibbling at her ear as he drew her closer against him. 'Good enough to eat.' 'Don't, Gary,' she pleaded gently, holding him off slightly. 'Why not?' dark eyes gazed questioningly down into hers. 'Someone might see,' she replied lamely. 'That can be remedied.' His hand gripped her elbow and she found herself propelled towards the double glass doors leading off the dance floor. 'Gary, where are you taking me?' 'There's a garden out there, I believe, and it should be quite secluded,' he told her firmly. Unable to escape the grip of his strong fingers without making a scene, she allowed herself to be guided out on to the terrace, and down the wide steps into the shadows of the ornamental garden. Once there, he turned her to face him. 'I can't tell you how relieved I am to hear that your friend Tarquin Radloff has someone else in mind.' 'What are you talking about?' she snapped in confusion, then her cheeks flamed as she recalled the stupid statement she had made.

'I was beginning to think he had his eye on you, and that you were more than half in love with him,' Gary accused thickly. A nerve fluttered in her throat. 'Don't be silly!' 'I agree with you, it was silly of me. He's old enough to be your father.' 'Oh, for goodness' sake, Gary, stop talking about him as if he were old and doddering!' she retorted, curiously hurt and angered simultaneously. Gary's eyes glittered strangely in the moonlit darkness. 'I don't think I like the tone of your voice.' 'And I don't think that I care for your remarks very much,' she snapped back at him. His hands gripped her shoulders, shaking her slightly. 'All right, don't be so touchy. I know he's a friend of yours, but I couldn't help feeling a little jealous.' 'Jealous? Of Tarquin?' 'Why not?' His hands slid downwards to encircle her waist. 'He's the kind of man a woman could easily fall for, especially someone as young and inexperienced as yourself. You must admit you've been seeing quite & lot of him during the past three months.' 'I haven't seen him as often as you're insinuating,' she argued absently, trying to think of Tarquin as the prospective lover Gary had imagined, and rejecting the idea when her pulses leapt, uncomfortably. 'Tarquin telephones me occasionally, and when he isn't too busy we have lunch together in town.'

Gary's arm tightened about her. 'Now that I know he has someone else in mind, I can accept the fact that he's keeping an eye on you because of his friendship with your foster-parents.' 'I think we should go inside,' Toni said dully, finding it difficult to analyse her distracted thoughts at that moment. 'Fay and Jeff will be wondering where we've got to.' 'No, they won't,' Gary insisted, drawing her deeper into the shadows. 'I caught a glimpse of them inside a moment ago when they danced past, and they were so completely absorbed in each other that our absence won't register with them for quite some time yet.' Toni started to protest, but he silenced her effectively with his lips against her own, and she experienced again that thrill of excitement his kisses always awakened within her, but, as his passion increased, she struggled for release. 'Why do you always shy away like a frightened filly every time I kiss you?' he demanded, giving her more freedom to breathe, but not relinquishing his hold on her entirely. 'It's just that I consider neither of us in a position to become too serious,' she told him, gathering her scattered wits about her. 'I've only recently started earning my own living, and you have your final year at university to get through.' 'Dear, sweet Toni,' he laughed, dropping a kiss on the tip of her small nose. 'Love doesn't always happen when one is ready for it, and I love you. You know that, don't you?' Her heart plummeted. 'Oh, Gary, I—I wish you wouldn't say that.' 'Why not, for heaven's sake?' 'Because I can't offer you more than friendship at the moment.'

'You could offer me much more if you'd only let yourself go a little,' he persisted, drawing her closer to the hardness of his body. 'Gary, please!' she begged, avoiding his searching lips. 'Don't try to deny that you enjoy my kisses,' he chided. 'I'm not trying to deny anything,' she argued helplessly. 'All I'm trying to say is, let's not get too serious about each other. 'I'm afraid I'm already committed, Toni, and there's nothing I can do about it.' He placed a hand beneath her chin and forced her face out into the open. 'Have a heart, my sweet?' Overcome with guilt, she succumbed to his love- making, but when his hands moved possessively over tender curves which had never known a man's touch, she pushed him away with every ounce of strength she possessed and, for a few stunning seconds, her heavy breathing was the only sound between them. 'If you want to retain our friendship, then don't ever do that again,' she said raspingly over parted lips. 'Don't be such a prude, my darling.' 'I'm not a prude,' she protested, regaining her composure with a considerable effort. 'It's just that that sort of thing doesn't appeal to me.' 'How delightfully Victorian!' he laughed scornfully. Flushed and angry, she ran from him. 'Toni, wait!' He caught up with her at the foot of the steps. 'I'm sorry. I won't try to rush you again,' he promised, catching hold of

her hand and raising it to his lips with an anxious expression in his eyes. 'Am I forgiven?' Her anger departed as swiftly as it had risen. 'Of course you're forgiven, Gary.' It was close to midnight before Fay and Toni got to bed that night, but they both agreed that the evening had been a tremendous success owing to Tarquin's generosity. When Toni telephoned him from the office the following day to thank him once again for financing the evening, she learnt that her friends had not relied upon her to pass on their own thanks, but that they had done so by telephoning first thing that morning. Their action had impressed Tarquin considerably, and, not wanting to shake him out of his pleasant mood, she decided to withhold her confession regarding the statement she had made to Nell Garland until she was able to see him personally. The opportunity came a few evenings later when, with nothing to do after dinner, she took a bus round to his flat in the hope that he would be in. The bus stopped a block away from the imposing building where Tarquin lived, and she walked the short distance, making use of the opportunity to quell the nervous flutter in her stomach. The lift swept her up to the tenth floor at a sickening speed while she frantically rehearsed her carefully prepared speech. Then, pausing outside his door, she took a deep breath to steady herself before ringing the bell. She could hear it chiming loudly inside, and found herself wishing desperately that he would be out. 'Toni!' Tarquin stood framed in the doorway, tall and broad, with his shirt sleeves rolled up to above the elbows, his tie loosened, and the collar of his shirt unbuttoned. He stared at her for a moment as if she were an apparition, then he stood aside. 'Come inside, my dear.'

'Said the spider to the fly,' she thought, quaking inwardly as she stepped across the threshold and hovered nervously in the spacious entrance hall. 'I hope you don't mind my arriving uninvited, but I had to see you.' His cool grey glance appraised her as he closed the door, taking in the elegant cut of her cream suit, the golden sheen of her hair, and the anxiety in her usually warm eyes. And, for Toni, it seemed an eternity before he gestured that they should go through to the lounge. 'Sit down,' he said, waving towards a chair. 'I was about to pour myself a whisky. Could you do with a little sherry?' Toni nodded, sinking nervously into the soft cushions of the nearest chair. All at once she was incredibly tongue-tied, and she was hardly aware of what he was doing until he pressed a glass into her hand. His eyes sought hers, capturing them masterfully and relentlessly until she was certain he must be able to hear the frightened hammering of her heart. 'Tell me what's troubling you,' he ordered at length, breaking the terrible silence between them as he lowered himself on to the arm of a nearby chair. Toni took a sip of her sherry, the cold beads of perspiration breaking out on her forehead as the words she had rehearsed so carefully evaded her. 'The other evening at the Sheridan,' she began despairingly, the steel-hardness of his eyes making her take another mouthful of sherry to steady herself. 'Something displeased you?'

'No, no!' she said hastily, searching desperately now for the right words. 'Everything was absolutely perfect, but... I met an old friend of yours.' 'Did you?' 'Yes.' She observed him closely as she spoke. 'Nell Garland and her husband, Eddie. She asked me to pass on her regards to you.' His expression remained controlled and impassive. 'That was very kind of her, but I fail to see the problem.' Toni placed her glass on the small table beside her chair before her trembling fingers tipped the liquid on to her skirt. 'Tarquin, am I right in assuming that she's the woman you once hoped to marry?' 'I don't think that it's any of your business,' he replied bluntly, knocking back almost half of his drink, and deep down inside Toni winced painfully. 'Please, Tarquin,' she begged. 'I have something I must tell you, but meet me halfway ... please?' For a moment she thought he was about to refuse once more, then he nodded slightly. 'Very well, Toni. Yes, Nell Garland is the woman I once had thoughts of marrying.' Encouraged, she said: 'I don't think she's very happy.' 'What makes you say that?' 'She had that discontented look about her, and her husband ...' She paused for a moment, calling Eddie Garland's image to mind. 'I guessed him to be about your age, and I can't help thinking she

would be absolutely livid at having made the wrong choice if she could compare the two of you now.' A glint of mockery sparkled in his eyes. 'Is there supposed to be a compliment somewhere in that remark?' 'There is,' she giggled nervously. 'Eddie Garland is fat and bald, and so obviously wealthy with his flashy diamonds and the fat cigar that seemed to be glued permanently between his podgy fingers. I'm almost certain that Nell Garland has already discovered her error.' 'If you're asking me to sympathise with her, then I'm afraid I must disappoint you, Toni.' 'She's very beautiful,' she persisted. Tarquin's rugged features assumed, a bored expression. 'I don't doubt that maturity has made her more beautiful than when she was younger, but I don't happen to be interested enough to find out.' A strained silence lingered between diem as she realised that the moment had come for her admission. She had never been a coward, and this was no time to become one, she decided, raising her chin. 'She asked if you were married.' Tarquin looked faintly surprised. 'Did she?' 'I told her you were still single, but that you were planning to be married soon.' A deathly silence followed her statement, and she wished suddenly that the earth would open up beneath her as his eyes became narrowed slits of steel. For endless seconds she withstood his accusing glance before she lowered her eyes to her tightly clenched hands in her lap.

'I'm sorry, Tarquin, but I just couldn't let her think you'd been pining away for her all these years, so I— I fabricated a little,' she explained inadequately in a croaky voice. She heard him sigh exasperatedly as he rose to his feet and strode about with his hands thrust deep into his pockets. She waited, not daring to say more, and dreading the outcome. When he finally ceased his restless pacing and turned to face her, she felt limp and strangely exhausted. 'I gather that it's this wild statement of yours which has been troubling your conscience?' he bit out the words. 'Yes.' 'You deserve to be punished.' 'I know.' 'Come here.' Her heart lurched violently, but she obeyed him instantly. An unfathomable expression lurked in his eyes when she stood before him with her chin raised proudly, but his taut features promised a rebuke she knew she deserved. His hand gripped her chin, raising her face higher until her neck was arched painfully, then his lips descended upon hers with a feather-lightness that was over before she had time to savour their touch. 'That's for acting so loyally in my interests, but it was quite unnecessary.' 'You're not angry with me?' she asked incredulously, vaguely aware of a faint desire for the unusual punishment to be repeated. 'No,' he released her abruptly, a cynical smile playing about his lips. 'But I'm wondering what I shall do when the news gets about, as it undoubtedly will.'

'You could always make use of the unoriginal "no comment" statement,' she supplied helpfully. 'And how long do you suppose I shall be able to keep everyone satisfied with that?' 'Oh, dear,' Toni bit her lip, wishing that she had had the sense to mind her own business. 'I have made a mess of things, haven't I?' 'You have rather, but, if the situation becomes intolerable, you could always pretend to be my mysterious fiancée, couldn't you?' Toni stared at him, her body tense, her cheeks stinging with embarrassment. 'I couldn't very well refuse, considering that I got you into this mess in the first place.' 'Relax, Toni,' he said tersely, gripping her shoulders and shaking her slightly. 'I shan't allow the matter to progress that far.' 'I really am sorry, Tarquin,' she murmured remorsefully with her head lowered, her honey-gold hair falling forward in a thick veil to hide the trembling of her lips and the tears that hovered suddenly on her lashes. 'Forget it,' he told her abruptly, sliding his hands beneath her hair to frame her face and forcing her to meet his piercing glance. 'I appreciate the thought, and that's what matters most.' His thumbs moved caressingly over her delicate cheekbones, brushing away the solitary tear which had found its way on to her cheek, and a quivering sensation raced through her at his touch. It left her strangely breathless, and more than a little frightened, but the next moment he had released her, his expression cold and distant. 'I'll drive you back to your hotel.' 'Oh, no, please -'

'Don't argue,' he interrupted, a new harshness in his voice that left her puzzled. 'Give me a couple of seconds to collect my keys and a jacket.' The drive back to her hotel was accomplished in silence, his aloofness creating a sudden barrier between them that brought an inexplicable ache to her throat, and she wondered if he was not, after all, still in love with Nell Garland. She glanced up suddenly as the car slowed down, instantly recognising the lean, dark-haired young man climbing out of the small, battered Ford beside which Tarquin had parked his Mercedes. 'There's Gary,' she exclaimed involuntarily. 'Don't keep him waiting, then,' Tarquin said coldly, leaning across her to open the door. 'Goodnight.' Toni slipped out of the car, turning as the door slammed shut behind her, but the Mercedes had shot forward before she could reply, and she was left staring after it with the inexplicable desire to burst into tears.

CHAPTER SIX 'HAVE you been out somewhere with Tarquin Radloff?' Gary demanded as Toni stepped on to the pavement. 'No, I had to go and see him about something, and he gave me a lift back,' she replied, making no effort to shake off the depressing thoughts which raced through her, mind. 'At his flat?' 'Yes,' she nodded. 'What was so important that you had to go and see him alone at his flat?' he persisted aggressively. 'It was a private matter,' she fenced, but Gary was not satisfied, for his eyes flashed with anger and his attitude was suddenly menacing. 'I demand to know what it was.' 'You're not in a position to demand anything of me, Gary,' she stated coldly, filled with a rising irritation as she glimpsed the curious glances of the people passing them. 'And I would prefer it if we didn't continue our argument here on the pavement.' His hand gripped her arm fiercely, preventing her from leaving. 'I'm not moving an inch until you tell me what this is all about. You're my girl, and I won't have you running around with Tarquin Radloff, whether he's engaged to someone else or not!' Toni glanced down at the strong brown fingers digging into the soft flesh of her arm, and felt the heat of anger rising within her. 'If you're going to be insufferable, Gary, then I think you'd better leave.'

He stared at her for a moment as if he could not quite believe that he had heard correctly, then a dull red colour surged up into his cheeks. Releasing her abruptly, he turned on his heel and climbed into his car, driving away from the hotel at a speed that made her catch her breath in fear for him. Toni had never seen him behave so recklessly before, and she realised that, if anything should happen to him, she would blame herself for sending him from her in that angry mood. Closing her eyes for a moment against the rush of tears, she went up to her room, but Fay burst in with an excited flush on her cheeks before Toni had had time to compose herself. 'Toni, I think I've found what we're looking for. It's a twobedroomed flat, with a -' She broke off sharply, her perceptive green glance taking in the shimmer of angry tears in Toni's eyes, and the tightness about the usually warm, generous mouth. 'You're looking a bit heated.' Toni sighed tremulously and walked across to the window, but there was nothing to see except a darkened alleyway and the grey building beyond. 'I'm afraid I've had an argument with Gary,' she said. 'What about?' Fay asked curiously, the bed creaking beneath her weight. 'He was fed up because I went to see Tarquin,' Toni replied without turning, trying to control the tears for which she could not blame Gary entirely. The foolish desire to weep had begun during the drive from Tarquin's flat, and she could find no explanation for it. 'You can't blame Gary for being a bit jealous,' Fay defended her brother. 'He was more than jealous,' Toni choked out the words. 'He was insufferable, and I told him so.'

'What did you want to see Mr Radloff about?' 'It was a private matter, as I told Gary, but he insisted on knowing.' 'And because you wouldn't tell him, he went off in a huff?' Fay questioned understandingly. Toni turned slowly from the window to face the dark-haired girl who bore such a strong resemblance to her brother. 'I'm afraid I told him to leave.' Green eyes stared at her incredulously, then they sparkled with unexpected humour that brought forth delighted laughter. 'That must have been a novel experience for that egotistical brother of mine, but don't worry, Toni. You'll most probably get a very apologetic telephone call in the morning when he's simmered down.' Toni shook her head sadly. 'I doubt it.' 'You'll see,' Fay said knowingly. 'Now, about this flat I found for us.' For almost an hour they pored over the details Fay had written down, deciding eventually that they would not make up their minds until they had taken a closer look at the flat during their lunch hour the following day.

As Fay had predicted, Gary telephoned the following morning shortly after Graham Todd had left his rooms to appear in court 'Are you busy, Toni?' he asked a little diffidently. 'I am rather,' she replied coolly, glancing at the pile of work on her desk, and secretly relieved that Fay's prediction had come true.

'I'd like to apologise. I behaved like a pompous ass last night.' There was a brief pause before he asked hesitantly: 'Am I forgiven?' Toni relented instantly, her heart warming towards him. 'I'm sorry too. I was a little upset as well, Gary, so let's forget it and call it quits.' 'That's very generous of you, sweetheart, but, just to show there are no hard feelings, let me take you out this evening?' he pleaded in a voice a shade brighter. 'Very well.' Something caught her eye and she looked up suddenly, almost dropping the receiver when she discovered Nell Garland standing beside her desk. 'I must ring off now, Gary.' 'I'll pick you up at seven,' he said quickly. 'See you then.' Dressed in a brilliant green silk suit that matched her eyes, Nell Garland seated herself elegantly in the chair Toni had indicated. 'I never thought we would meet again after the other night,' the mellow, slightly husky voice remarked. 'Neither did I,' Toni admitted with honesty, a shiver of apprehension racing through her. 'What can I do for you, Mrs Garland?' 'I would like to make an appointment to see Graham Todd.' Suppressing her instant curiosity, Toni drew the appointment book towards her, and glanced through it swiftly. 'I'm afraid I can't fit you in until next week; Wednesday at three in the afternoon.' The sensuous lips drooped slightly. 'Is there no possibility of seeing him sooner?' 'Mr Todd is fully booked, I'm afraid,' Toni assured her.

'I shall just have to be patient, then,' she acknowledged, a smile about her lips that did not quite reach her eyes. 'You might as well know, I'm divorcing Eddie.' 'Oh.' A flash of warning registered with Toni. 'I'm sorry.' 'Don't be, my dear.' The green eyes met Toni's steady regard. 'Eddie and I have known for some time that it would eventually lead to this, and he's agreed to make it as easy as possible for me.' 'That's kind of him,' Toni remarked lamely. 'Yes.' A slender hand with delicately tinted nails gestured expressively. 'I made a grave mistake, you see, when I gave up Tarquin all those years ago, but I don't intend to make that same mistake again.' Toni's heart lurched. 'You've seen Tarquin recently?' 'No,' Nell Garland shook her head with a smile of satisfaction playing about her lips. 'But I've arranged to have lunch with him today, and I'm certain that my efforts to win back his love will meet with success.' 'Have you forgotten that he's made marriage plans of his own?' Toni asked tentatively, continuing with the lie she had begun that night at the Sheridan. 'My dear, no, I haven't forgotten, but I know men, and I certainly know Tarquin,' Nell replied arrogantly, rising to her feet and pausing beside Toni's desk. 'Next Wednesday at three, then?' 'Yes, Mrs Garland.' She swept out of the room, leaving behind a subtle hint of her perfume, and a chilling sensation at the pit of Toni's stomach. Nell

Garland's determination had lie quality of steel, and she might very well succeed in the task she had set for herself. It was a sobering thought, and a curiously painful one. During the weeks that followed, Toni had little time to ponder over this problem. Nell Garland had arrived for her first appointment with Graham Todd, and the wheels of divorce were set in motion, but Toni was too busy with her own plans to be unduly disturbed by this. She and Fay were moving into their flat at the end of February, which meant that furniture had to be bought, curtains had to be made, and a hundred and one other matters had to be dealt with before they could take over the lease. Dulcie helped with the making of the curtains, and promised to move in with them for the first week until they had sorted themselves out. Ross was just as helpful when it came to carting some of her personal belongings on from Pretoria, but she absolutely refused his offer of a sizeable cheque towards establishing themselves. Although taken aback by her gentle yet adamant refusal, Ross understood her need for independence. Tarquin paid the occasional visit to their flat, but he seldom remained long enough for them to offer him something to drink. This pleased Gary, of course, but Toni found Tarquin's hasty visits somehow unsatisfactory. Almost a month had passed since they had moved out of the hotel, and Toni was beginning to despair that she would ever have the opportunity to have a reasonable conversation with Tarquin again. Then, unexpectedly, he telephoned one day and invited her to have lunch with him at Enrico's. To Enrico she was no longer a stranger after the numerous meals she had enjoyed in his restaurant at Tarquin's invitation, and, as on every other occasion, he kept a personal eye on the preparation of their meal that day.

Facing Tarquin across the small table, Toni sensed a strange tenseness in his attitude, and it created a barrier between them that made it difficult for her to indulge in her usual carefree conversation. She toyed with her food eventually, glancing at him covertly from time to time, but his expression remained remote, and not at all encouraging. It was only after their coffee was served that he broke the uneasy silence by asking: 'Have you settled down in your flat?' 'Oh, yes,' she replied quickly. 'Since your last visit we've managed to pick up a few items of furniture at a second-hand shop without denting our pockets too badly.' 'If you need any help -' 'Thank you, Tarquin, but no,' she interrupted swiftly, a warmth flowing through her at his offer that instantly melted the chill about her heart. 'Sometimes there's more pleasure in acquiring things the hard way than to have them conveniently dropped into your lap.' 'You're determined to stand on your own two feet, are you?' 'I've been leaning far too long on others for financial help,' she explained, and the grey eyes observing her became inexplicably wary. 'Did you find it irksome having a benefactor who provided you with everything you required?' 'Yes and no,' she admitted truthfully. 'At first I accepted it because I was too much of a child to know any better, then I began to feel guilty about receiving so much and giving nothing in return. I still feel guilty about it, and I have the desperate wish that somehow, some day, I may have the privilege of doing something for him in return.'

Tarquin's expression hardened slightly. 'If he'd wanted your gratitude, you would have known his identity.' 'It's not gratitude, entirely,' she contradicted, anxious suddenly to stress that point. 'It's the desire to give of oneself in return for what you've received. I should imagine that a child, when he or she is grown up, has that same sort of feeling for its parents.' 'You were happy with Ross and Dulcie, weren't you?' 'Yes, yes,' she whispered fiercely, 'and I shall love and respect them all my life, but they're not the only people involved in making my childhood a happy one.' She raised her glance to his, unaware of the appeal in her golden-brown eyes, and of the effect they apparently had on him. 'Am I making sense?' 'Yes, my dear,' he said, his taut features relaxing a fraction as his hand touched hers briefly. 'Have you thought of the possibility that, if you knew the identity of your benefactor and the reasons for his generosity, you might be disappointed in him?' 'I could never be disappointed, no matter what the reasons,' her reply came without hesitation, and with strong conviction. 'His true character shone through too clearly in his letters for him to be anything but warm and wonderfully understanding.' Clearly taken aback, he said: 'Letters can be deceiving, Toni.' 'Not my benefactor's,' she insisted, shaking her head determinedly. 'He would never have tried to deceive me.' Tarquin's tanned features paled visibly, but he changed the subject abruptly before Toni could find a reasonable explanation for this. 'I'm flying out to Namibia tomorrow.'

A strange tightness settled in her chest at this unexpected disclosure. 'Will you be away long?' 'About three weeks,' he replied in clipped tones. 'The sooner I can get my affairs sorted out at that end, the sooner I can begin to expect a certain amount of productivity.' 'Do you envisage any problems?' 'Not at the moment, but problems are there to be overcome.' He had been away before, but never for such a lengthy period, and the weeks ahead seemed suddenly bleak and empty with the knowledge that such a vast distance would separate them. 'I shall miss you, Tarquin,' Toni said. Her honesty had often amused him in the past, but on this occasion he appeared irritated by it. 'You're a sweet child, Toni, but I've thoughtlessly encroached on your life these past months, and it must stop.' A cold hand gripped her heart, slowing its beat to a painful throb. 'What are you saying?' 'That I don't think we should see so much of each other in future,' he elaborated harshly, and it was like the twisting of a knife in a painful wound. 'Have I offended you in some way?' 'Of course you haven't,' he stated angrily, and a thought occurred to her that sent a shiver of ice through her veins. 'Have you seen Nell Garland lately?' she asked with some difficulty, searching his face and finding nothing there to reassure her.

'As a matter of fact, I have,' he admitted, a quality of steel in his manner she had noticed before,, and which had the power to frighten her. 'I presume you know that she's divorcing her husband?' 'Yes.' Toni trembled for a second on the brink of uncertainty before taking the final plunge and voicing the question that hovered on the surface of her mind. 'Is Nell Garland the reason why you don't want us to meet so often?' The heavy, uncomfortable thudding of her heart seemed to rise above the noise in the restaurant as his cold glance pinned her ruthlessly to her seat. 'I don't know what that mixed-up little mind of yours is getting at, Toni, but Nell Garland has absolutely nothing to do with my decision.' 'Then why?' she pleaded, registering relief as she threw caution to the wind and clutched desperately at the strong, beautifully shaped hand that lay so close to hers. 'Tarquin, please, I—I couldn't face the future without you.' A startled silence followed her halting confession as she selfconsciously released his hand, only to be trapped by the intensity of his glance. It seemed as though he was intent upon searching her very soul, and, in the process, awakening a throbbing little pulse at the base of her throat. In the rich, cosmopolitan atmosphere of Enrico's restaurant, she now found herself staring at Tarquin as if she were seeing him for the first time, noticing the way his hair grew back from his forehead, and the prominent flecks of grey among the brown. His eyes, at times so alarmingly perceptive, were narrowed and shuttered, while the square chin hinted at

determination and arrogance. The hard, firm mouth hid a sensuality she now recalled seeing only when he was in one of his rare relaxed moods, but she had experienced that sensuality when, on two occasions, he had kissed her. Her pulse fluttered like a caged bird, and the colour surged into her cheeks, at the alarming direction her thoughts were taking. She was seeing Tarquin, not as a trusted friend, and confident, but as a man; virile, masculine, and dangerously attractive. His magnetism enfolded her and held her suspended for several startling seconds before she found the strength to struggle free in order to regain a measure of sanity. 'Don't you think that you're over-dramatising the situation a little?' The words, harshly spoken, shook her considerably and, realising just how he must have interpreted her desperate statement, she flushed deeply. 'Yes, I was being over-dramatic,' she acknowledged finally, 'but it's cruel of you to want to break off our friendship without giving me a valid reason.' 'I'm thinking of your young man.' 'Gary?' she asked incredulously. 'What has Gary got to do with this?' The broad shoulders moved impatiently beneath the dark, expensively tailored jacket. 'He's serious about you, isn't he?' 'Yes, but -' 'Do you think it's fair to him that we see so much of each other?' Tarquin demanded forcefully, reminding her of the many occasions when Gary's jealousy had almost succeeded in sparking off an argument. 'I—I suppose not,' she agreed helplessly.

Tarquin's lips twisted slightly. 'Then you must agree with me that it's time we began to consider Gary's feelings in this matter?' Gary's image swam before her eyes, tall, lean, passionate and jealous. He loved her, yet she had not been able to conjure up more than a deep fondness for him in return. Fay had once accused her of not giving Gary a chance, and perhaps there had been some truth in that. He had always succeeded in exciting her in some way, but for some unaccountable reason she had always remained withdrawn, never stopping to consider his jealousy where Tarquin was concerned. She had cruelly disregarded Gary's feelings, and it was almost ironic that Tarquin should be the one to make her realise this; Tarquin, the man she could no longer look upon as only a friend. 'You're right, as always, Tarquin,' she admitted shakily. 'I have been rather foolish and inconsiderate where Gary is concerned. 'Then I'm glad we understand each other at last,' Tarquin said stonily, his face a mask of terrifying indifference that made her choke back the cry of pain that rose in her throat. There seemed nothing more to say, and nothing she could do to relieve the paralysing numbness as Tarquin saw her into a taxi, raising his hand in final salute as it pulled away from the curb. The weather seemed to match her mood, Toni thought unhappily as she glanced at the thunder clouds' gathering swiftly in the sky, then the first hesitant raindrop splashed on to the windscreen like a lonely tear. Toni did not dare look back at that tall, imposing figure on the pavement. Her control was wearing thin, and to weep in the back of that grubby-looking taxi would merely have awakened the interest of the surly driver. When Graham Todd strode into the office at two- thirty that afternoon, he stopped unexpectedly beside her desk and stared at her thoughtfully for a length of time, his eyebrows raised questioningly.

'What's happened to my bright young secretary?' 'I think I ate something that didn't agree with me,' she replied, forcing a casualness into her voice and lowering her head to avoid the perceptive glance of this man who was so seldom misled by the reserved attitude of his clients. 'Really?' Too late she realised the odd way he had of using that word to disarm the most obstinate witness, and her lashes flew upward to reveal the stinging moisture that threatened to spill over on to her pale cheeks. 'You've either had bad news,' he said, as he lowered himself on to the corner of her desk and regarded her closely, 'or you've had an argument with your boyfriend, Which is it?' 'A little bit of both, I think,' she relented with a shaky laugh. 'But my boy-friend wasn't directly involved in this.' 'Then it's someone else who's had the audacity to upset you?' 'Yes,' she whispered, dabbing lightly at her eyes with one of the lace handkerchiefs Tarquin had called ineffectual in such emergencies. Oh, why did she have to think of him? she wondered miserably, making a mental effort to pull herself together as a stab of recollection shot through her. 'Was it Tarquin?' Her startled glance revealed the truth as clearly as if she had spoken, and he nodded gravely. 'I thought so.' 'Please, Mr Todd, I -' 'You haven't fallen in love with him, have you?' he continued as if she had not spoken. 'Because, if you have, then you'll have a tough

time convincing that confirmed bachelor that matrimony is not a fatal disease.' Stunned into silence, Toni sat staring into space for some minutes after Graham Todd had strode into his office, closing the door firmly behind him. Everything within her seemed to have come to a grinding halt, except for the slow, heavy beat of her heart which resembled the persistent pounding of a warrior's drum sending its mournful message echoing out across the valleys of a once untamed country. She did not want to think ... or feel! She dared not! Graham's remark, made partly in earnest, and partly in jest, she was sure, had scraped the surface of something which she was too afraid to analyse, and blindly refused to recognise as she grasped two sheets of paper and inserted them into her typewriter. Then, slipping a sheet of carbon between them, she grimly set to work. Fortunately there was plenty to do, and she ruthlessly drove herself on in a manner that made her droop with fatigue when she arrived at the flat shortly after five, almost soaked to the skin during the short walk in the driving rain from the bus stop. Relaxing in a hot scented bath a few minutes later, she decided with firm finality that it would be safer to centre her thoughts positively on Gary in future. With a little effort she might even discover that he meant far more to her than she had originally suspected. * The weeks dragged by endlessly towards the end of April, but no amount of positive thinking succeeded in banishing Tarquin from her mind. She found herself recalling him to memory by making sketches of him during idle moments at work, sketches that inevitably took on a threatening appearance. Was that how she saw

him? she wondered curiously as she ripped yet another sketch to shreds and dropped the pieces into the wastepaper basket beside her desk. Or was she deliberately running circles round something she was too much of a coward to admit? This was madness, she thought as the telephone shrilled loudly on her desk, and, welcoming the intrusion into her disturbed thoughts, she lifted the receiver, throwing herself wholeheartedly into the problems of the client at the other end. This diversion did not last long, but fortunately Graham Todd returned to his rooms soon after three that Friday afternoon and announced that he needed Toni to take down notes which he wanted typed, and ready for the next session in the courtroom after the week-end. It was a difficult brief and Toni realised that this would mean working a little late, but she welcomed the opportunity of getting down to some serious work, for it brought relief from her own troubled thoughts. It was well after six before she was able to place the folder with the neatly typed sheets on Graham's desk. He looked up suddenly from the notes he was perusing, and removed his glasses to press his fingertips against his tired eyes. 'I'm sorry I had to keep you this late, Toni.' 'I don't mind at all, Mr Todd. I had nothing planned for this evening and, quite frankly, I welcomed having something to do,' she assured him hastily. 'That may be so,' he smiled tiredly, 'but the least I can do is offer you a lift home.' 'That's quite unnecessary, and it would only be taking you out of your way.' Her protests were brushed aside with his usual abruptness, and fifteen minutes later she was entering her flat.

'Is that you, Toni?' Fay called from her bedroom. 'Yes,' Toni replied wearily, kicking off her shoes and collapsing into the only comfortable chair they possessed. 'I'm dining out with Jeff this evening,' Fay told her, emerging from her room dressed in a crimson full- length dress that somehow gave the impression that she was of Spanish descent, with her dark hair and olive-skinned complexion. 'Do you mind having to rustle up something for yourself this evening?' 'No, I don't mind, but I'm not very hungry at the moment.' 'I thought you'd be seeing Gary this evening.' 'He never mentioned anything when I saw him on Tuesday evening,' Toni said reflectively, recalling that she and Gary had had very little to say to each other that particular evening. 'Anyway, I'm planning on having a quiet evening at home.' The doorbell peeled loudly. 'That'll be Jeff. See you later, Toni.' After Fay had left a peaceful silence descended upon Toni that was disturbed only by the distant hum of the traffic. Depression reared its ugly head, but she shook it off determinedly as she rose to her feet and went through to her own room. After a shower and a change of clothing she would feel much better, she told herself sensibly. Later, dressed comfortably in a pair of grey slacks and thin pale blue sweater, she-brushed her hair until it shone. She felt relaxed and pleasantly tired as she fixed herself a sandwich and made a pot of tea in the small kitchen she shared with Fay. But her plans for an early night went awry when Gary arrived unexpectedly a half hour later.

He accepted the fact that she preferred staying at home quite affably and, for a time, they sat listening to records. But before long Toni became aware that he was observing her from time to time with a pensive expression in his dark eyes, and his strange mood unnerved her considerably. It was the first time they had actually spent an evening alone in the flat, and, instead of being relaxed in each other's company, there was an inexplicable tension between them, creating an invisible barrier that left them feeling uncomfortable and at a loss for words. Gary eventually tried to bridge the gap in the only way he knew. He drew her into his arms and, for a time, she allowed him to kiss her while she struggled vainly to conjure up an enthusiastic response within her. It was a futile struggle. Every part of her rejected his touch, and Gary's arms eventually fell away from her as he sensed this. There was nothing left now except to stare at each other bleakly. 'What's the matter with you, Toni? You have been pretty cool these past weeks, and I can't think of anything I've done to. cause this.' Toni lowered her glance guiltily. 'It isn't anything you've done, it's ...' 'Something I haven't done, perhaps?' he finished for her, trying to recapture some of his usual light- heartedness. 'Oh, Gary,' she laughed shakily, spreading her hands helplessly before her. 'I wish I could explain, but I'm so confused.' 'Is there someone else?' His keen glance observed the quick flush that stained her cheeks, and his lips tightened. 'There is someone else, isn't there?' he added with sudden conviction. Toni groped desperately for the right words, but her mind was in too much of a turmoil. 'I don't know, I tell you. I don't know.'

'Tarquin Radloff?' 'Please, Gary, let's not discuss this further.' 'I don't agree with you,' he contradicted firmly. 'There's only one way of solving this problem, and that's to discuss it openly.' 'That's just the point,' she cried desperately. 'There is nothing to discuss. Nothing has happened that warrants a discussion of any sort.' 'Just answer this one question, Toni, and answer it truthfully for both our sakes.' His hand tipped her face up and she was forced to meet his probing glance. 'Is Tarquin Radloff the cause of it all?' 'Yes,' she confessed hoarsely. 'Isn't he supposed to be getting married some time this year?' Toni flushed with guilt. 'No. I lied about that to Nell Garland because she'd once rejected Tarquin in favour of her husband Eddie.' 'You could have told me the truth afterwards,' Gary accused. 'I know, but I was too ashamed.' 'So Tarquin Radloff is still an eligible bachelor,' he remarked grimly. 'Yes.' Gary's hand fell to his side. 'I see.' 'Oh, Gary, don't look like that,' she pleaded, gripping his arms tightly as she caught the look of pain that flashed across his lean face. 'Perhaps this is all as a result of the last conversation I had with

him. It was a bit upsetting, and—and we didn't exactly part on the best of terms.' 'He means a lot to you, doesn't he?' 'As a friend, yes. If there's anything more to it, then it is purely on my side, and—and I'm damned if I'm going to make a fool of myself over him!' 'Perhaps you'll know for sure when you've seen him again.' 'Perhaps,' she agreed miserably, knowing deep down in her heart that she was afraid to see Tarquin again; afraid of what she might discover, and whether she would be able to cope with whatever it was. 'I'm sorry, Gary. I'm so terribly fond of you, and I know I must be hurting you very much at this moment.' 'It doesn't matter,' he said thickly, picking up his jacket and shrugging himself into it, but the tears rose in Toni's eyes, spilling over on to her cheeks as she caught at his sleeve and turned him to face her. 'It does matter, Gary. It matters very much!' 'You're such a gentle little thing, Toni,' he said tenderly, brushing away her tears with the tips of his fingers. 'I think it's your gentleness that attracted me in the first place, and I shan't abandon you, sweetheart. I'll wait around hopefully until you're sure of your feelings.' 'I don't deserve such kindness from you, Gary, but thank you for understanding,' the words came haltingly over her lips as she fought to regain her composure, but Gary shook his head reprovingly, brushed his lips against her own, and the next moment he was gone, leaving her floundering between two conflicting emotions; regret and relief.

CHAPTER SEVEN ANOTHER week passed, and still Toni heard nothing from Tarquin. Estimating roughly that he should have returned some days ago, she finally plucked up enough courage one morning and telephoned Tarquin at his office, but to her dismay, she discovered that his departure from Windhoek had been delayed for several days because of unexpected difficulties at the new branch. 'However,' his secretary informed Toni in her usual brisk tone of voice, 'Mr Radloff telephoned the office not more than an hour ago to tell me he would be arriving at Jan Smuts at six-forty-five this evening. If I know Mr Radloff, he'll go directly to his flat and surround himself with work instead of resting up as he should.' There was the briefest pause. 'As a close friend of his, Miss Schafer, you wouldn't perhaps consider persuading him to relax a little this evening? He has such tremendous vitality, but I've worked long enough for him to know that the mental strain of the past weeks will have taken their toll.' For Tarquin's secretary that was a lengthy speech, but even as she spoke an idea took shape in Toni's mind that made excitement ripple through her. 'Is there some way I could get into his flat to prepare dinner for him before he arrives?' Did she imagine it, Toni wondered during the brief silence that followed, or did she actually hear Tarquin's secretary utter a sigh of relief? 'The caretaker has a flat on the ground floor. I'll give him a ring and tell him to expect you.' Toni replaced the receiver a few seconds later and swiftly drew up a list of the items she would have to purchase. Whether he liked it or

not, she would be there to welcome him home, and she could only hope she would not find herself thrown out on her ear. That evening, dressed in a creamy silk full-length gown which she had bought for a special occasion but had never had the opportunity to wear, she cast a swift, critical glance over the table she had set in the small alcove-like dining-room between the kitchen and the lounge. Everything was perfect, except for the nervous flutter at the pit of her stomach. Toni caught a glimpse of herself in a large, gilt- framed mirror, and paused for a moment to stare at herself reflectively. The silky material of her gown clung softly to her firm young breasts, tapered down to accommodate her slender waist, then flared out gently to fall in soft folds about her feet. The long sleeves were gathered into a small cuff at her wrists, and the low neckline, revealed her slender, graceful neck to perfection. There was nothing striking about her appearance, she decided eventually, but she was totally unaware of the fact that the cut of her gown gave her an air of sophistication which skillfully hid her youthfulness. She had no way of knowing either that the gentle, tantalising curve of her lips was frequently an open invitation to be kissed, and that her beautiful eyes expressed a candid innocence that never failed to captivate those who met her. The chime of the electric clock broke the silence and Toni glanced at it anxiously. Seven-thirty! If her timing was correct, and Tarquin's flight had arrived on schedule, then he would be home at any moment now. As if in answer to her thoughts, she heard a key being inserted into the lock. Involuntarily she moved a few, paces forward, then stopped, her heart hammering so wildly that she found difficulty in breathing. Standing as if transfixed, she watched the door open, and Tarquin stepped inside, his suitcase in one hand, and his leather briefcase in the other. Then, sensing that he was not alone, he looked up, and a look of incredulous surprise flashed across his face.

'Toni!' For a moment neither of them moved, then he placed his cases against the wall and closed the door swiftly before turning to her once more. 'What on earth are you doing here?' 'The caretaker let me in, and I—I thought you might be too tired after your flight to go in search of something to eat, so I—I prepared dinner for you here,' the words came out in a rush. 'I hope you don't mind?' He came towards her slowly, walking into the circle of light, and her heart ached as she saw the greyness of his pallor, the tired droop of his shoulders, and the lines of weariness etched deeply from nose to chin. She waited for him to say something, anything, but as the seconds ticked by it seemed to her that his eyes were the only thing alive in his face, for they glittered strangely as they slid down the length of her with a slow deliberation that stained her cheeks a delicate pink. Unnerved, and more than a little afraid, she made a desperate effort to control the trembling of her hands as she extended them towards him pleadingly. 'Tarquin, you were so adamant about our not seeing so much of each other in future, but—darn it! I thought we were friends, and, despite the fact that we've known each other only a few months, it feels as though I've known you all my life. One can't just sever a friendship as though it were a worthless piece of string.' Her eyes darkened with emotion as he gripped her hands and drew her closer. 'My dear Toni, I can't tell you how much I dreaded coming back to an empty flat.' 'You're not angry with me?' she blinked up at him, the hammering of her heart subsiding a little as she saw him shake his head slowly. 'Then may I suggest that you have a shower and change into something comfortable?' she said, her confidence returning. 'Dinner will be ready as soon as you are.'

Not waiting for him to reply, she slipped away from him and a few minutes later she heard the shower being turned on. Their timing was absolutely perfect, for as she placed the succulent pieces of steak in an oven dish she became aware of Tarquin standing behind her. 'Whatever it is you've prepared, it smells good,' he remarked, sniffing appreciatively at the aroma. 'I couldn't do too much in the little time available to me, but I've managed to do steak, mushrooms done in Dulcie's special sauce, small, fresh potatoes, peas, and a few salads,' she told him brightly. 'Are you hungry?' 'Ravenous!' She turned then and her heart leapt wildly when she found him towering over her, clad in grey slacks and a thin black sweater that accentuated the width of his powerful shoulders. His hair, still damp from the shower, was slicked back severely, and his weariness was replaced by a look of arrogance as he stood before her with his thumbs tucked into his belt. Clean-shaven, and with a hint of aftershave lotion hovering about him, he looked dangerously vital, and so infinitely dear to her. 'What about pouring us a sherry or something while I dish up?' she suggested, an odd flutter in her throat as she met his probing grey eyes. 'Are you ordering me out of my own kitchen?' 'Yes, I am,' she smiled up at him a little uncertainly. 'Do you mind?' He flicked a lazy finger across her flushed cheek. 'No. This kitchen is far too small for two people, so I'll get out and do as you say.'

To Toni's relief the dinner was a success, and Tarquin confirmed this when he pushed his plate aside. 'I must compliment you, Toni. That was good.' 'It makes me happy to know you enjoyed it,' she replied, barely able to conceal the feeling of satisfaction that swept through her as she handed him his coffee and poured a cup for herself. 'Was your trip successful?' 'One could say so, yes,' he replied vaguely, helping himself to milk and sugar, and stirring his coffee thoughtfully. 'What's that supposed to imply?' 'I encountered a few staff problems, but I won't bore you with the details.' 'It wouldn't bore me at all,' she assured him swiftly. 'I'm genuinely interested.' Tarquin stared at her for a moment as if he were trying to make up his mind about something, then he said: 'I'm afraid I did a bit of reshuffling among the staff, and they weren't too pleased about it. Unqualified men held key positions, while qualified workers were doing menial jobs.' His lips twisted with a certain ruthlessness she found surprising. 'There was an uproar when I started to probe into this.' 'I presume some of them walked out?' His glance reflected surprise at her shrewd guess. 'Some of them, yes. Others were only too grateful to be relieved of their responsibilities.' He talked for quite some time about the problems and difficulties he had encountered, and Toni listened with interest, realising the truth

in his secretary's statement earlier that day. He was working much too hard, and was allowing himself very little time for relaxation. As she sat listening to him, giving him the opportunity to speak of the things that troubled him, and occasionally giving her own opinion, she became aware of a feeling of tenderness towards him; a tenderness that grew to a dull ache that lodged uncomfortably in her chest. 'For one so young, and a woman at that, you're a remarkably good listener,' he said eventually, his expression pensive. 'It often helps to get matters into perspective when one is able to talk about them without interruption.' 'I'm always at your service, Mr Radloff, sir,' she teased lightly. 'Our roles are somewhat reversed this evening,' he smiled briefly. 'I don't usually make a habit of boring my female companions with the intricacies of my work.' Something stirred within her; something she was too frightened to analyse at that moment. 'More coffee?' she asked in a voice that was not quite steady. 'No, thank you.' 'Then why don't you make yourself comfortable in the lounge while I clear away the dishes?' 'I could help.' 'No, you couldn't,' she shook her head firmly as she pushed back her chair and began to pile the dishes into one another.

To her relief, Tarquin did not argue, and later, the kitchen as tidy as she had found it, she joined him where he relaxed in his favourite chair, smoking his pipe thoughtfully. 'Are you still enjoying your job with Graham?' he asked as she seated herself in a chair close to his. 'Yes, it's very interesting and stimulating,' she confessed readily. 'There's a possibility that a colleague of his might be branching out on his own some time this year, and -' 'You're being considered for the position as his private secretary,' he finished for her astutely. 'Yes,' she nodded, glancing down at her hands clasped so tightly in her lap and wondering vaguely why the idea no longer appealed to her. 'Your future is settled, then,' his deep voice interrupted her thoughts with a jolt. 'Nothing is definite, of course.' 'Of course,' he mocked slightly. 'There's always the possibility that you might decide to get married soon, and plans of that nature may alter things a little.' Toni felt strangely tense as she sat there facing him. 'It could alter matters, yes.' 'When you marry Gary you may need to continue with your job until he's qualified as a doctor and has done his internship.' 'I'm not quite sure that I want to marry Gary, and neither has he asked me to,' she answered tritely.

'Have you quarrelled about something?' 'Not exactly.' Toni recalled her last conversation with Gary and realised that seeing Tarquin had brought her no nearer to solving her confused state of mind. If anything, she was more confused by his nearness, while the answer constantly eluded her. He had driven her into a corner with his persistent questioning, and for some unaccountable reason it frightened her. Or was it perhaps that she was afraid of facing the truth? 'I thought your relationship with Gary was all cut and dried,' Tarquin's voice slashed harshly through her thoughts. 'You don't sound very sure of yourself.' 'I'm not sure of anything at the moment,' she sighed, rising agitatedly and walking across to the window to stare down into the well-lit street below as if she hoped to find the answer among the flickering neon lights. 'Do you want to talk about it?' 'This isn't the sort of problem you could help me with,' she replied, close to panic at die thought that she should discuss something with Tarquin that concerned him so vitally. 'I must find the answer for myself.' 'Are you certain of that?' Toni jumped nervously as she felt his hands on her shoulders. She had not heard him approach on the thickly carpeted floor, and her pulse quickened as he drew her back against him. His breath was warm against her cheek, and she closed her eyes for a moment, savouring his nearness and the touch of his hands as they seemed to scorch her through the thin silk of her sleeves. She heard him catch

his breath sharply, and then she was turned almost roughly to face him. For endless seconds she stared up into his eyes, held captive by their probing intensity, and unable to run from what she had feared all evening. Without her being able to prevent it, a strange new warmth uncurled from deep within her, spreading slowly through her entire body until every nerve and every pulse was vibrantly alive with an emotion that seemed to shake the foundations beneath her feet. She was in love with Tarquin! The realisation swept through her like a hurricane wreaking havoc, and, fighting against an uncommon faintness, she swayed slightly towards him for support. The next instant she was draped helplessly across his arm, and she had a blurred vision of his face, dark and menacing, before his mouth descended upon hers. He had kissed her before, but it had been brief and not worth recalling. This time his lips held hers masterfully, and she found herself unprepared for the sensations caused by his sensual exploration of her mouth which created an instant response within her, until her emotions clamoured to a pitch of desire that was almost frightening in its intensity. His hands moved caressingly over her body, awakening fires which had lain dormant till that moment, and, moaning softly against his lips, she locked her hands behind his head as she felt herself slipping into an abyss of delight from which she had no desire to escape. Then suddenly it was all over, and she stood swaying dazedly beneath the impact of her emotions as she faced him, her glance questioning, and her heart thumping so loudly that she was certain he must hear it. Something was wrong; terribly wrong, she realised as she stared up into his now granite-hard face. She felt his anger almost as if it were a tangible thing, and she knew somehow that it was directed at her.

'It has been a memorable evening, one way and another, but now I'm taking you home,' he stated eventually as if nothing of importance had happened between them. Shattered by the steel-like quality of his composure, or perhaps her total lack of it, Toni shook her head slowly in an effort to clear her mind. 'Tarquin, I -' 'You're a very pretty and provocative child, Toni,' he interrupted ruthlessly, his face a hard, impenetrable mask. 'I may be nearing forty, but I'm not senile yet. So, before I do something I shall regret, be a good girl and collect your things.' She stepped back a pace, flinching inwardly as if he had struck her physically, then the blood rushed painfully to her cheeks before receding and leaving her deathly pale. She had been put smartly in her place, like an erring child who had been playing at being an adult. Surely he must have realised ... ? He must know that she had not merely been seeking excitement? 'Dear God!' she thought as she fled from him to collect her wrap and handbag which she had left on a chair in his bedroom. 'It meant nothing to him, and I so very nearly made a fool of myself by confessing that I love him.' The drive back to her flat was a humiliating nightmare that was made bearable only by the fact that Tarquin behaved in his usual imperturbable manner. He insisted on accompanying her to her door, and there, in the dimly lit entrance hall which seemed to shrink in size when he entered it, he said an abrupt 'goodnight' and was gone before Toni had had time to think of something to say which might relieve the tension. Left alone, she began to shake uncontrollably as she relived those moments in Tarquin's arms. His kisses, following so swiftly on her

discovery that she loved him, had given her no opportunity to be on the defensive, and she had responded with a warmth and passion which not even Gary had succeeded in arousing. Mortified by her actions, she recalled painfully how she had swayed towards him, literally throwing herself into his arms, and Tarquin had misinterpreted her action. It was not surprising, therefore, that he should have taken advantage of what must have appeared to be a blatant invitation, following his action up smartly with a firm reprimand. Engulfed with shame, she undressed in the darkness and slipped into bed. She sought oblivion in sleep, but there was no escaping the vivid recollection of the touch of his hands and lips, and of her own ecstatic response.

'What's the matter with you, Fay?' Toni asked her friend with concern one evening while they were having supper. 'You've been very quiet these past few days, and it's not like you at all.' 'You haven't been so bright yourself,' Fay accused in an attempt to tease. 'Gary hasn't been here once this past week either.' 'Don't evade my question by changing the subject.' 'Something unexpected has happened and my lovely plans have all gone up in smoke,' Fay explained, staring dejectedly at the table. 'Jeff has been offered a super job in Windhoek, and he'd be a fool not to take it because it offers him tremendous scope for advancement. The problem is that we'd planned on saving, up for at least another eighteen months before we decided on the wedding date, but I don't somehow fancy the idea of being hundreds of kilometres away from him for such a long period, and there seems to be absolutely no way I can get a transfer there as well.'

'Jeff has decided to take the job, then?' Toni asked, pushing her plate aside and pouring their coffee. 'I more or less insisted that he should take it,' Fay shrugged helplessly. 'I couldn't stand in his way, and have him throw it in my face a couple of years from now.' 'When does he leave?' 'In a week's time, and the thought is driving me crazy.' 'I wonder ...' Toni bit her lip with nervous contemplation. It was more than a week since she had seen or heard from Tarquin, and, after their last encounter, she had been too embarrassed to contact him, but Fay needed help, and this was no time to think of her own feelings. Tarquin was, after all, the only person she knew who might be able to assist Fay in some way. 'What are you hatching up now?' Fay asked, glancing suspiciously at Toni over the rim of her cup. 'I was thinking of Tarquin.' Fay put down her cup and threw up her hands in mock horror. 'I need every little bit of advice I can lay my hands on, and you sit there thinking of Tarquin!' 'I was thinking,' Toni continued thoughtfully as if she had not spoken, 'perhaps Tarquin could help you in some way. He's only recently opened up a branch in Windhoek.' Fay almost choked on a mouthful of coffee and again hastily put down her cup. 'Do you think he might -'

'I don't know, but there's no harm in asking him,' Toni interrupted swiftly, not wishing to give her friend too much to hope for. 'Do you have to give a month's notice?' 'They'll accept two weeks.' Fay's excitement was almost tangible, and, for her sake, Toni hoped that she had not suggested the impossible. 'Have you discussed this with your parents?' Fay nodded emphatically. 'Yes, I have, and they said they'd be happy with whatever I should decide. They like Jeff very much, and they understand that I would want to be near to him.' Toni toyed with the idea for a moment longer, then abruptly came to a decision. 'I'll telephone Tarquin now. If he's at home then he could start making a few enquiries first thing in the morning.' Fay followed her excitedly into the small entrance hall, and stood with her fingers crossed while Toni dialled his number. 'Radloff,' his voice came abruptly over the line a few seconds later, and Toni's heart did a frantic somersault. 'Tarquin, it's Toni. Are ... are you going out, or something?' 'No, I'm quite free this evening. Why?' he asked without hesitation. 'Fay has a problem, and I—I wondered if you might be able to help her in some way,' she explained, meeting her friend's anxious glance. 'Could you be a little more explicit?' 'She's quite desperate about getting a job somewhere in Namibia.'

'I think it might be a better idea if I came over, then we could discuss the matter in detail,' Tarquin suggested after a brief pause. 'Would you really?' she asked in disbelief. 'Look, there's a telephone call I have to make, then I'd like to shower and change, so give me an hour,' he said abruptly. 'Thank you, Tarquin.' 'What did he say?' Fay demanded, barely able to conceal her excitement as Toni replaced the receiver. 'He'll be here in an hour's time.' 'Oh, dear,' Fay's face fell. 'Jeff has tickets for that new show in town, so I won't be able to talk to Mr Radloff personally.' 'Don't worry, I'll explain,' Toni assured her smilingly. 'Toni, you're an angel!' Fay exclaimed, and Toni was enveloped in a bear hug. 'We'll come straight back to the flat afterwards, so please wait up for me, because I shall be dying of curiosity to know what he said.' 'I'll wait up for you,' Toni promised, feeling a little like an apprentice fairy godmother who wasn't too sure of her powers of magic. The silence in the flat after Fay's departure was nerve-racking, and Toni put on a record in an effort to still the butterflies in her stomach while she waited for Tarquin to arrive, but there seemed to be nothing she could do about the faint trembling of her hands.

When the shrill ring of the doorbell finally echoed through the flat, she was a bundle of nerves and, taking a deep breath to steady herself, she went to open the door. 'Please come in, Tarquin,' she heard herself say moments later in a voice that was deceptively calm. 'Fay unfortunately couldn't stay, but I think I could manage to give you all the information you want.' 'Right, let's have it,' he said as he settled himself in a pinewood chair with its gaily covered cushions, and, without looking at him, Toni explained Fay's predicament as accurately as she could. 'Do you think you could help in any way?' she asked finally, raising her glance for the first time to see him scribbling something in a small black notebook which he pocketed instantly. 'I can't promise you anything, but I'll see what I can do.' 'Thank you, Tarquin.' 'Don't thank me yet,' he mocked her. 'I may be totally unsuccessful.' 'But you'll have tried, and I thank you for that,' she persisted, avoiding the intensity of his glance once more. An uncomfortable silence settled between them. Toni had accomplished what she had set out to do, and now there seemed little else to say. The companionable relationship between them no longer existed, and she was to blame for that, she decided sadly. They had become strangers almost overnight; strangers who circled each other warily. 'If your friend leaves eventually, what are you going to do with the flat?' Tarquin broke the silence abruptly, and she grasped at his query as if it were a lifeline.

'I'll keep it until something smaller goes vacant.' 'What about the furniture?' This was something she had not thought about, she realised as she replied: 'I shall have to pay out Fay's share that she put into it, but I think I'll manage.' 'You'll miss her,' he observed after a slight pause. 'I'm sure I shall.' 'But you'll still have Gary,' he put forward with a closed expression. 'I'll have no one if I can't have you,' she thought achingly, but aloud she said: 'I shan't be seeing so much of Gary either, I don't think. We had quite a discussion one evening, and I made it quite clear that there can be nothing but friendship between us.' Tarquin's glance sharpened as he sat forward, his bulk making the chair appear like a miniature. 'Is there someone else? Someone I don't know of?' A pulse throbbed in her throat, and something close to devilment made her say, 'Yes, but he doesn't know that I exist.' 'What do you mean, he doesn't know that you exist?' Tarquin demanded harshly, willing her to meet his eyes, but she kept her glance fixed on her fingers as they nervously played with the pleats of her tartan skirt. 'Let's just say that he knows of my existence, but doesn't find me attractive enough in that respect,' she supplied, trying to suppress a smile at the thought of what Tarquin would say if he knew that he was the one under discussion.

'Then he's a blind fool!' Tarquin exploded. 'Blind, perhaps, but not a fool. He's the most wonderful man I've ever met, and I know there can never be anyone else for me, but -' she shrugged and rose swiftly in her effort to end this topic of conversation. She was treading on dangerous ground, and knew it. 'I think I'll go and make us some coffee.' Escaping to the kitchen, she switched on the kettle and set out the cups, but a sixth sense warned her that she was no longer alone. Leaning against the door of the small refrigerator was Tarquin, and she loved every inch of his tall, broad-shouldered frame in his beige jacket, dark brown pants, and matching shirt. Meeting his intent glance was unavoidable, but the resolute expression about his mouth unnerved her to such an extent that she almost dropped the sugar bowl. 'Toni . . . forgive me for asking this, but he's not married already, is he?' 'Most definitely not!' she exclaimed, resorting to anger in an effort not to laugh at the sheer ludicrous- ness of the situation. 'Just exactly what kind of girl do you think I am?' 'Relax, my dear,' he ordered, his expression clearing. 'I merely wondered, since you made him sound so inaccessible.' 'A man doesn't have to be married to be inaccessible,' she remarked with forced casualness, gesturing that he should stand aside so that she could get at the milk in the refrigerator. 'I can't think of any other reason, unless he's interested in someone else?'

'I may be wrong, but I'm almost sure he isn't,' she said, slamming the door of the refrigerator unnecessarily hard and turning her back on him. 'Then what's the problem?' Tarquin persisted as he watched her move about in the limited space available to her. 'I wish I knew,' she sighed, tiring of this dangerous game and wishing she had never been foolish enough to start it. Tarquin, totally perplexed and behaving like an irate uncle, was determined to get to the bottom of this whole secretive business. 'You must have seen him quite often to have fallen in love with him.' 'Quite often, yes,' she replied tritely as she poured their coffee, adding sugar and milk to taste. 'How long have you known him?' 'A few months.' 'Then why have I never met him?' He was beside her suddenly, and her heart lurched uncomfortably as she glanced up at him, expecting at any minute to have the embarrassing truth shaken out of her. 'I want to know his name, Toni.' 'Here's your coffee, Tarquin,' she said with deceptively calm composure as she placed a cup in his hands. 'And stop questioning me, because I'm not going to give you his name even if you threaten to thrash me.' His eyes narrowed, and a shiver of apprehension went up her spine. 'Are you afraid I might not approve of him?'

The desire to laugh hysterically, at the thought of Tarquin not approving of himself, was almost too much for her, and she clutched at the cupboard behind her, clenching her teeth with an effort to control herself. How could he be so stupid not to have guessed! 'It's not a question of approval,' she said eventually, her voice a little unsteady. 'And whether you approve or not makes no difference.' 'If I could help,' he offered unexpectedly, setting down his cup and moving closer to her; too close, in fact, for comfort. 'One can't induce love where there is none,' she whispered, and her heart bled with every word. 'I can't imagine any man knowing you and not loving you.' 'Could you love me?' The words were out before she could prevent them, and she went cold with fright at the thought of her own audacity. A nerve pulsed visibly at the corner of his mouth, and, knowing him well enough to know the signs, she looked away again, afraid of what she might see in his eyes. She had been an idiot to provoke him in this way, and she Could only hope that he would accept what she had said as a joke. If he should guess the humiliating truth she would die of shame, and neither would she be able to bear his pity. 'You're a beautiful, charming, and provocative little devil, Toni, and before very long some man is going to be lucky enough to have you for his wife,' he broke the strained silence with a hint of gentle mockery in his voice as he took his cup and sat down at the small table in the kitchen, and Toni joined him there with an inward sigh of relief. 'At this rate I don't think I shall ever get married.'

'You're far too pretty to remain single,' he said with a touch of cynicism. 'If I were ten years younger I might have formed part of the queue, but as it is I'm nearing forty. If I should think of marriage at my age, then I should have to choose someone older; someone with experience of handling an old, confirmed bachelor who's too set in his ways to change.' 'Someone like Nell Garland, perhaps?' she asked, realising that, without knowing it, he had once again placed himself firmly out of bounds. 'Perhaps,' he admitted, ruthlessly driving die knife home. 'She's been through one unsuccessful marriage, and I think she's matured enough over the years not to expect roses all the way.' 'Her divorce should be final within two months,' Toni remarked with a deadly coldness inside her. 'So she told me.' The conversation drifted on to safer ground, but Toni felt as though a light had been extinguished inside her. There had always been hope, now there was nothing. His insistence that Nell Garland belonged to the past and that he intended to keep her there had meant nothing after all. He obviously still loved Nell, and what chance would anyone have against a woman who had everything he favoured in a marriage? 'Give me Fay's telephone number at work so I can give her a ring tomorrow if I manage to arrange something,' Tarquin said as he prepared to leave. Toni tore a sheet of paper out of the small notebook beside the telephone, and wrote down Fay's number. 'She would be terribly grateful for any help you can give her, I know.'

Tarquin inclined his head slightly, and pocketed the small sheet of paper. 'Sleep well, Toni,' he said, and the next moment she was alone in the flat with a chilling emptiness inside her that made her shiver as if a cold draught of air had swept over her. Would he ever see her as a woman and not merely as a child who needed his guidance and help? she wondered furiously as she returned to the kitchen to rinse out the cups before settling down to await Fay's return.

CHAPTER EIGHT 'I CAN'T believe that you're actually on your way,' Toni remarked a little sadly as she sat beside Fay in the departure lounge at Jan Smuts airport. 'I can hardly believe it myself, but I've been living on a cloud of happiness ever since Tarquin telephoned that morning to say that he had a job lined up for me in Windhoek.' Toni felt a tug of envy as she glanced at her friend and saw the glow of excitement on her face. These past two weeks, while Fay had worked her notice, had gone by too swiftly, and now her departure was but a few minutes away. 'Heaven knows I shall miss you, Fay, but I wish you happiness.' 'I shall miss you too,' Fay admitted, laughing away the glimmer of tears in her eyes. 'And if we're not careful we shall be howling on each other's shoulders in a minute.' A pleasant-sounding feminine voice announced the flight to Windhoek, and the two girls hugged each other affectionately. 'Write to me, Fay.' 'You can count on that,' Fay promised, making sure that she had everything. 'And tell Tarquin he was an absolute darling to have made this possible. I shall always feel indebted to him.' With a last, brief hug, Fay made her way towards the exit, and Toni stared after her with a painful lump rising in her throat. They had been friends for so many years; and had previously been parted only for the school holidays, but this was something different. Fay's future lay with Jeff, and although it took her so many kilometres away, Toni knew that it was for the best.

As the Boeing soared into the blue, cloudless sky, Toni left the airport building and took a bus back to the city. Graham had been kind enough to give her two hours off that morning in order to see Fay on her way, but now she would have to get back in order to catch up on the correspondence that lay waiting to be typed. The part Toni dreaded most was returning to the flat that afternoon, and the time inevitably arrived for her to do so. The early winter breeze whipped her skirt about her legs and sent an accompanying chill through her heart. It was going to be hellish without Fay, she decided as she entered the yellow-brick building and took the lift up to her flat on the second floor. The evening stretched endlessly before her as she went through to her bedroom to remove her coat and shoes, pushing her feet into soft mules before she returned to the kitchen to make herself a sandwich. More than that she would not be able to face on that first evening alone without Fay, she thought as she opened the refrigerator and stared at its contents. Nothing appeared particularly interesting or appetising, but she had to eat something, common sense told her. Eventually, while she was trying to decide between chicken and tomato, or both, the doorbell rang, and she closed the refrigerator door almost with a sigh of relief at the prospect of someone to talk to. 'Tarquin!' The name of her caller tripped happily off her lips as she stood aside for him to enter, but an uncommon paleness about his mouth sharpened her senses and aroused a flicker of anxiety. 'Something has happened. What is it?' 'There's been an accident,' his voice grated along her nerves, and her blood flowed like ice along her veins. 'Ross and Dulcie?'

'Ross,' he confirmed, dwarfing her small entrance hall, because, in her moment of stress, she had not thought to take him through to the lounge. 'Dulcie telephoned from the Pretoria General less than half an hour ago and asked me to break the news to you. They don't know yet how badly he was injured, but they're busy with X-rays and tests at the moment.' 'Was it a car accident?' 'Yes,' he confirmed. 'A lorry jumped the red light and caught Ross's car on the rear, spinning it out of control.' 'Oh, lord!' she moaned hoarsely, burying her face in her hands as she tried to shut out the vision of Ross lying critically injured in hospital, and the agonising possibility that he might die. 'Why do those I care about always have to be killed or injured in road accidents?' There was a chilling silence before Tarquin said smoothly: 'I've already telephoned Graham, and he asked me to tell you that he won't expect you back until you know, one way or the other, about Ross. So, if you'll pack a suitcase, I'll give you a lift through to Pretoria, but I shall have to return first thing in the morning.' His apparent calmness had a steadying influence on her nerves, and she lowered her hands to smile up at him a little shakily. 'You're very kind, Tarquin, and I shan't be a moment.' 'I'll make us something to drink before we go. Do you have any objection to my invading your kitchen?' 'Help yourself,' Toni replied, already on her way to her bedroom to throw a few necessary items into a suitcase. When she emerged a few minutes later she found Tarquin seated at the kitchen table with a half empty mug of coffee in front of him, and another which he pushed towards her across the table.

'I've put plenty of milk in it, so drink it down before it gets cold.' Without quibbling she did as she was told, and before long they were on their way to Pretoria, driving swiftly through the fast gathering dusk. The journey took a little longer than half an hour and, as they entered the outskirts of the Jacaranda City, Tarquin spoke for the first time. 'I think we should go straight to the hospital, don't you?' 'Yes,' she croaked, a rawness in her throat, and a frightening tightness at the pit of her stomach that made her feel quite sick. It seemed no less than seconds later that Tarquin swung the Mercedes through the hospital gates and up the drive to the parking area. 'Take it calmly, Toni,' he warned abruptly as she stood trembling beside him. 'Dulcie was terribly upset, and she'll need your support and your strength very much at this moment' Unreasonable anger sent the blood pulsing swiftly through her veins. 'I'm not about to become hysterical the minute I see her, if that's what you're getting at.' Tarquin glanced at her sharply, his lips tightening. 'Don't deliberately misunderstand me, my dear.' Instantly ashamed, she lowered her head. 'I'm sorry, Tarquin. It's nerves, I guess.' 'Give me your hand,' he commanded, and as those strong fingers closed about hers she experienced a measure of calmness to face

whatever lay behind the clinical walls of the imposing building before them. They found Dulcie alone in a small waiting-room, her-face pale and strained as she clung to Toni's hands. 'I'm so glad you could both come,' she said eventually, her eyes darting anxiously at the door from time to time. 'I've been nearly out of my mind with no one to talk to, and they seem to be taking ages to come to some sort of decision about Ross.' 'Here comes someone now,' Tarquin said calmly as a white-coated figure approached the door. 'Would you like me to speak to him?' 'If you would, Tarquin,' said Dulcie, obviously relieved to have someone who could take over. 'You might be able to get more sense out of him that I've been able to.' The two women glanced swiftly at each other as Tarquin stepped out of the room, conveying their mutual anxiety as the two men spoke to each other in lowered tones. Then, after what seemed like an eternity, the doctor made his way down the passage and Tarquin re-entered the small waiting-room with a grim expression on his face. 'Ross is in the operating theatre at the moment, Dulcie,' he said quietly. 'There is concussion, and a severe cut on his left arm that will need stitching, but the injury they're most concerned about is the broken ribs and the internal bleeding. They can't tell how bad this is until they've operated, so there's nothing we can do except wait.' 'I've been doing nothing else but wait ever since I arrived here. How long am I still to wait?' Dulcie asked in an agonised voice.

Tarquin shrugged. 'Two, maybe three hours, the doctor said. Have you had anything to eat?' How typical of Tarquin to take over in such a calm, practical manner, Toni thought, a little warmth stealing into her heart as Dulcie shook her head adamantly. 'No, I haven't eaten, and I know it would simply choke me.' 'You will nevertheless have something to eat,' Tarquin replied, quite unperturbed. 'Or do you favour ending up in a hospital bed as well?' 'You're a bully, Tarquin,' Dulcie accused not too unkindly. 'If I am, then it's entirely for your own good,' he assured her mildly, turning to face Toni, who was only too happy to sit back and allow him to take the initiative. 'Stay with Dulcie while I go out and get us all something to eat.' Toni nodded, and as the silent minutes ticked by she watched her foster-mother pace the floor relentlessly, her face lined with anxiety, and her hands gripped together nervously in front of her. She looked the way Toni felt and, keeping Tarquin's timely warning in mind, she forced herself to remain seated on the uncomfortable, straightbacked chair. 'Sit down, Dulcie, and try to relax a little. Pacing up and down isn't going to make the time pass any faster.' 'If I sit down now I'll burst into tears.' 'No, you won't,' Toni contradicted, marvelling at her own composure. 'You're far too sensible to do a silly thing like that.' Dulcie turned, her green eyes large and frightened. 'Toni, what am I going to do if -'

'Stop that!' Toni snapped, thrusting similar thoughts from her mind as she drew Dulcie down on to the chair beside her own. 'Forgive the old cliché, but while there's life there's hope, and Ross has always had the constitution of an ox.' 'But there are some injuries -' 'Dulcie, I won't have you talking this way, now snap out of it,' Toni ordered sharply, at that moment the stronger of the two. Dulcie's startled glance met hers, and then she nodded slowly. 'You're right, Toni. I'm behaving like a child, but I love him so much, and if anything should happen to him—if he should die -' 'You will accept it as the will of God,' Toni interrupted her faltering confession with a calmness that was stretched almost to the limit as Dulcie's grip tightened on her hands, and that was how Tarquin found them some minutes later. 'I'm afraid the best I could manage was ham and tomato sandwiches, and a flask of strong coffee which I brought with me,' he announced, drawing a small table closer on which to deposit the items he had bought. 'Thank you, Tarquin,' Dulcie managed with a wavering smile as she docilely accepted a sandwich and a mug of coffee from him. 'I'm glad to see you're being sensible at last,' he observed with a smile of satisfaction. 'Toni has given me such a talking to that I wouldn't dare to step out of line again!' Tarquin turned his head slightly to glance at Toni, and there was silent approval in the look he gave her before he returned his attention to the matter of handing out sandwiches and coffee,

leaving Toni with a glowing feeling inside that temporarily dimmed the anxieties of the moment. When they finally dispensed with the crumbs of the meal Tarquin had provided, the long period of waiting began in the small, brightly lit room with its white, clinical walls and serviceable but uncomfortable chairs. As the minutes dragged by endlessly, the strain began to tell on Dulcie, and Toni felt her own nerves being stretched close to breaking point. For the rest of her life, she thought, the smell of antiseptics would remind her of these hours spent waiting for news of Ross. Stealing a glance at Tarquin, she marvelled at his ability to appear so outwardly calm and confident in this moment of crisis, and somehow it strengthened her. 'Dulcie, you're wearing out the floor with your pacing again,' Toni complained eventually. 'Please come and sit down.' 'I just can't sit still,' Dulcie protested impatiently. 'How long has it been now?' 'Almost two hours,' Tarquin supplied calmly, a flash of gold on his wrist as he flicked back his cuff. Dulcie gestured a little wildly. 'Surely someone could at least come and tell us what's happening?' Tarquin, tall and dependable, rose to his feet and placed a comforting arm about Dulcie's tense shoulders, 'You'll know as soon as they've done everything they possibly can for Ross, and I'm afraid I agree with Toni. You're wearing out the floor, and that won't help anyone, least of all yourself.' 'I know I should be patient, but I can't help it,^ Dulcie complained, burying her face against Tarquin's shoulder for a moment.

The tears rose to Toni's eyes, but she blinked them back rapidly as she, too, went to Dulcie's side. Then, with a look of encouragement from Tarquin, she said: 'If it will help at all, Tarquin and I are just as concerned about Ross, but it would look ridiculous if all three of us paced the floor while we waited.' 'Heavens, yes,' Dulcie sighed, a half-forgotten smile plucking at her lips as her sense of humour came to her rescue while they led her back to her chair. 'I don't suppose you possess such a thing as a cigarette, do you, Tarquin?' Dulcie seldom smoked except on rare occasions but, to Toni's surprise, Tarquin seemed to have come prepared for such an emergency, and she watched as, eyes closed, Dulcie blew the smoke towards the ceiling and nodded her thanks. The cigarette appeared to have the desired effect, for it sustained Dulcie through the next half hour until the silent hum of activity was interrupted by the sound of slow, heavy footsteps coming down the passage. The door was pushed open further and the surgeon, still in his green theatre gown, sent his weary glance from one to the other before it settled on Dulcie. 'Doctor?' Dulcie queried, white to the lips as she rose jerkily to her feet. Toni's body tensed painfully in that brief, agonising moment before an encouraging smile appeared on the surgeon's face, and, without realising what she was doing, she clutched at Tarquin's hand, finding a quick response in those strong fingers. 'Mrs Evans, your husband's injuries were not as severe as we had originally thought,' that gravelly voice informed Dulcie. 'He'll suffer a considerable amount of pain and discomfort for a few days, but we have no doubt that he'll recover completely.'

'Thank God!' Dulcie cried, tears of relief spilling on to her cheeks as she echoed Toni's thoughts. 'May I see him? Just for a moment?' 'Certainly, Mrs Evans. If you'll come this way?' Rummaging in her handbag with a hand that shook visibly, Dulcie produced a key and pressed it into Tarquin's hand. 'Take Toni up to the house, Tarquin. I have my car here and I'll drive myself home later when I've satisfied myself that Ross is all right.' Toni glanced swiftly at Tarquin, rejecting this suggestion. 'I'd rather-' 'Come,' Tarquin interrupted abruptly, gripping her arm and propelling her firmly from the small waiting- room before she could utter another sound. The silence in the car was strained as they drove through the city streets, for the hours of waiting for news of Ross, while suppressing her own emotions for Dulcie's sake, had created a tension within Toni from which there appeared to be no release as she sat rigid and dry-eyed beside Tarquin. The clock on the dashboard told her that it was past ten when he eventually drove through the gates of Solitude and parked the Mercedes in the driveway. Toni dragged her coat about her slim body as she registered, for the first time, the chill in the air as she stepped out on to the gravel path. Tarquin's hand was beneath her elbow, tightening instantly as she faltered in the darkness on the stone steps. 'What we both need is a strong drink before we go to bed,' Tarquin announced grimly as they entered the living-room and switched on the lights.

Toni nodded, not bothering to shed her coat as reaction set in and her body began to shake. The tightness in her chest rose to her throat, choking her, while her eyes blurred with tears that refused to be checked. 'You're not about to cry, are you?' he asked, glancing at her suspiciously when he heard her utter a smothered little sound. Toni's hand closed about her aching throat. 'I'm sorry, I -' 'Here,' Tarquin said abruptly, summing up the situation instantly as he pushed a clean handkerchief into her hands and turned her to face him. 'Use that, and my shoulder, while you get it out of your system.' 'Tarquin,' she cried, her voice muffled against the expensive material of his jacket as he held her lightly against him. 'I—I can't stop shaking. Hold me, please. Hold me close.' His arms tightened instantly and, her control snapping, she wept without restraint for some time, finding blessed release in the tears she had dammed up all evening, as well as comfort in the strength of Tarquin's arms in this moment of need. 'I'm behaving like a baby, aren't I,' she whispered eventually, emotionally spent, and making no effort to move away from the circle of his arms. 'If you say so, my dear,' Tarquin agreed softly, his hand brushing lightly over her hair, and creating pleasurable sensations. 'It's reaction, I suppose,' she excused herself, suddenly intensely conscious of the warmth of his body against her own, and the faint but pleasurable odour of aftershave lotion mingling with tobacco. 'Reaction and relief,' he agreed.

'I must look a mess,' she laughed a little shakily, searching frantically for a way of disengaging herself without offending him, but, even as she thought up excuses, his hand slid beneath her chin and forced her face out into the open. 'You've never been more beautiful,' he said slowly, his glance taking in every facet of her tear-stained features before lingering almost caressingly on her quivering lips. Toni held her breath, her heart hammering against her ribs as she felt his arm tighten about her waist. Something warned her to escape, but the next instant his mouth took possession of hers in a masterful way that left no room for thought. A shock of emotions throbbed through her as he held her firmly against the hardness of his bulky frame, and she was powerless to do anything except give herself up to the magical sweetness of the moment. His hands slipped beneath her coat, and she trembled with a swift rise of passion as they caressed her into a startling awareness of her own pulsating desires. Time stood still for seemingly endless seconds, and it felt to Toni as if she were drifting on a plane where only she and Tarquin existed, but the dream ended abruptly when he released her with a suddenness that left her staggering momentarily before she regained her balance. 'My God, I must be going mad!' he exclaimed hoarsely, pushing agitated fingers through his hair. It was an action that indicated only too clearly that he was emotionally disturbed. 'Reaction and relief, perhaps?' she suggested with a quivering smile, glancing up at him to discover that his eyes had deepened strangely in colour.

His expression altered instantly to a hard, impenetrable mask as he turned, removing his jacket at the same time, and flinging it on to the nearest chair before he strode towards the teak cabinet at the other end of the room. 'I'm going to pour us that drink, and after that you're going to bed.' Puzzled and confused, she stared at him for a moment, then something small and black slid to the floor at her feet. Absently she bent down to retrieve the small notebook which she had seen Tarquin make notes in occasionally, and quite unintentionally she glanced inside. The strong, bold handwriting seemed to jump out at her from the pages with a force that made her lower herself hastily into the nearest chair as her legs gave way beneath her. Her pulse drummed like a sledge-hammer against her temples, while she fought desperately to overcome the faintness that threatened to overwhelm her. She knew that handwriting! She knew every familiar curve of every letter. It was her benefactor's handwriting, but it also belonged to Tarquin Radloff! It was impossible, yet it was true, she realised dazedly, glancing up suddenly to find Tarquin standing before her, a glass in each hand, and his eyes like slits of ice as he grasped the situation. Toni's mouth went dry as she saw the whiteness seep beneath his skin, and she stared at him, as if hypnotised, seeing him now for what he was—her benefactor! 'Your notebook fell out of your pocket,' she explained, passing the tip of her tongue nervously across her lips. 'I didn't intend to look inside, but I -'

'But you did, and recognised the handwriting,' he accused, placing their glasses on the coffee-table and removing the notebook from within her clasp to return it to his jacket pocket. 'Yes, I recognised it,' Toni admitted dully, 'and I wish I knew why I never guessed it before. Everything is so clear now; the pieces of the puzzle are falling into place, and I'm beginning to realise what a fool I've been right from the first moment we met. You asked a few polite questions, perhaps to throw me off the track, but you knew too much about me; you knew me too well for someone who was supposed to be a stranger.' She rambled on, voicing her thoughts, and the words tumbled out past an aching throat that refused to relax. And all the time Tarquin observed her closely through narrowed eyes, his face white and strained as he allowed her to continue. 'How you must have laughed, Tarquin,' she said in a choked voice, a flicker of pain registering through her overall numbness. 'How you must have laughed at my stupidity, and how well you knew just why my benefactor wanted to discontinue our correspondence, because it was what you wanted. At least you had the decency to suggest that I cease my letters, but just think how amusing it would have been if I hadn't. Oh, God!' she cried, burying her face in her hands. 'I wish I were dead!' 'Toni, it was never my intention to have fun at your expense, and I never had cause to laugh at you,' Tarquin's voice penetrated her tortured mind, and it was with something close to shock that she realised how he must have interpreted her confused ramblings. 'I'm sorry, Tarquin. I didn't mean some of the things I said, and my anger was directed mostly at myself,' she said in a muffled tone, lowering her hands to glance up at him. 'Were you never going to tell me?'

'No.' 'Why not?' 'Various reasons,' he shrugged coldly, placing a glass of amber liquid in her trembling hand. 'Drink that down.' Toni choked, gasping for breath as she swallowed down the first mouthful of the fiery liquid, and she grimaced when she was literally forced to empty the glass. For a moment nothing happened, then a slow fire started spreading through her body, unravelling knotted nerve ends, and leaving her considerably calmer. 'I wish you would explain, Tarquin,' she begged as she saw him staring down at his drink with an expression that filled her with uneasiness. 'I have a right to know the reason for your becoming my benefactor, and you owe it to me, don't you?' 'Are you sure you want to hear it at this moment?' 'Yes, I am. Very sure.' 'Very well,' he said, his face harsh in the soft light of the lamp as he swallowed down his drink and placed die glass with a thud on the carved wooden coffee-table with the inlaid glass top. 'I killed your parents.' Shock leapt through her veins like a current of electricity, and she found herself on her feet, swaying slightly and uttering a cry of disbelief which he seemed not to hear as he continued with his explanation in that cold, detached manner. 'I was travelling back to Johannesburg late that October evening. It was raining, and the road was slippery. I was also driving too fast. There was a sharp curve in the road, and my car skidded. Your

father swerved to avoid me, and subsequently crashed down the embankment.' 'But it was an accident,' she pleaded with a touch of hysteria. 'An accident which could have been avoided had I not been driving like a lunatic,' he insisted harshly, not sparing himself. 'Later, when I learnt of your existence and discovered that you'd been placed in the care of an orphanage, I contacted Ross and Dulcie. Between the three of us we planned a more secure future for you.' 'Tarquin—' 'Paying for your education was a way of assuaging my conscience, and that doesn't sound very nice, does it?' he bit out the words, his face a ruthless mask that made her wince inwardly. 'You make it all sound so—so cold-blooded, and that isn't like you at all,' she shook her head slowly, trying to assimilate the facts while at the same time searching beneath the hard veneer of his expression for a more acceptable explanation. 'You don't know me very well, Antoinette.' 'Don't call me that!' she cried hoarsely, finding his use of her full name distasteful, and sensing something in his attitude that frightened her. She made a pleading gesture towards him with her hands, but he merely continued to stare at her coldly, and she let them fall to her sides. 'It's as though you're ringing down the curtain on the final act of some macabre play.' 'If you must be melodramatic about it, yes,' he confirmed her fears in a manner that cut her to the core as she watched him shrug himself into his jacket. 'I am ringing down the final curtain, and severing the link between the actor and his no longer unsuspecting

audience. Now, if you'll excuse me, I think I'll bring in the suitcases.' Stunned into immobility, Toni remained where she was, unable to think beyond the realisation that she had to prevent Tarquin from erecting this barrier between them. She was vaguely aware of the outer door opening and closing on two occasions, and conscious, too, of his footsteps returning to the living-room where she stood waiting for him with a heavily thudding heart. 'Your suitcase is up in your room,' he said; standing framed in the doorway and dwarfing it considerably. 'Goodnight, Antoinette.' 'Don't go yet,' she begged as he turned to leave. 'Tarquin, does this mean that we shan't see each other again in future?' 'It would be better if we didn't,' he nodded, his expression offering her not an ounce of encouragement. 'Haven't you forgotten something?' His eyebrows rose sharply as he glanced at her impatiently. 'I don't think so.' 'This is it,' Toni thought, her heart leaping to her throat and momentarily choking off her voice. 'When we arrived here this evening you ...' She swallowed with difficulty, wringing her hands despairingly. 'You k-kissed me. It... didn't it mean anything to you?' An unpleasant smile twisted his lips, but the eyes that met hers were coldly mocking. 'My dear child, we were both suffering from the strain of the past few hours, so it's understandable that in our relief we allowed ourselves to get carried away emotionally.' 'That's not entirely true,' she cried, trying to control her facial muscles.

'Antoinette, you're not the only girl I've kissed a little too thoroughly over the years. To me you're a child who's grown into a lovely woman, whom I found momentarily irresistible, but don't let your youthfulness cause you to misinterpret my actions,' he said suavely, and with an almost deliberate intention to inflict pain and humiliation. 'Go to bed, and I'll wait up for Dulcie.' Toni stared at him for a moment, her eyes large and dark in her pale face, then, with a strangled sound resembling that of a wounded animal, she brushed past him and stumbled blindly up to her room. Dry-eyed and trembling with intense humiliation and anger, she pressed herself against the door in the darkness, closing her eyes against the waves of pain that swamped her mercilessly. She had been a blind, ignorant fool, but she dared not think about it. Not now; not tonight while the memory of her actions still had the power to make her cringe inwardly with embarrassment. Tomorrow, when her mind was clearer, she might be able to think logically, but not now while her mind felt battered beyond coherent thought and her body' sagged with physical exhaustion.

Toni awoke the following morning with a throbbing headache. She had heard Dulcie arrive home the previous evening, but, not wanting to confront Tarquin again, she had remained in bed and had slept fitfully until the sun streamed in through her window, forcing her to raise heavy eyelids in order to greet the morning. She bathed and changed swiftly into a cream skirt and matching woollen sweater, the events of the day before adopting the quality of a nightmare she preferred not to dwell on, but several thoughts kept forging into her mind, battering her bruised emotions relentlessly.

For so many years she had longed to know the identity of her benefactor, and now she knew, but the knowledge gave her no pleasure, only the terrible feeling that she had been cheated in some way. Knowing that Tarquin had been the recipient of her unburdening letters made her search her memory frantically in an effort to reassure herself that she had written nothing of which she need be ashamed. She loved him, very much, and there was no need to be ashamed of that, except that his humiliating rejection still had the power to send the blood rushing painfully to her cheeks. He had kissed her as if he cared, only to thrust her aside moments later as if he despised her. Why? 'I killed your parents,' she recalled his harsh confession, but she had been too shocked to notice the bitterness in his voice at the time. Oh, if only she had not been so mentally exhausted last night, then she might have handled the situation differently. Now it was too late; the harm had been done. Dulcie, pale but composed, was alone in the breakfast room when Toni entered some minutes later and perched herself nervously on the edge of her chair as she helped herself to toast and coffee. 'What's the latest on Ross?' 'According to the hospital, he slept well, and we can. see him for a few minutes this morning if we promise not to tire him.' 'That's wonderful!' 'Toni, my dear,' Dulcie continued hesitantly, 'I would like to apologise for my absolutely childish behaviour last night. I -'

'Don't apologise,' Toni said swiftly. 'I felt just as you did, and if it hadn't been for Tarquin's steadying influence, I might have cracked as well.' Footsteps sounded in the hall and she glanced apprehensively over her shoulder, only to discover that it was one of the servants going about her business. 'If you're hoping to see Tarquin, then I'm afraid I have to disappoint you,' Dulcie remarked with some amusement. 'He left early this morning, but he asked me to give you this.' Toni flushed deeply as she stared at the white envelope which Dulcie pushed across the table towards her, and an Inexplicable coldness clutched at her heart when she finally inserted a knife beneath the flap to slit it open. 'Antoinette,' Tarquin had written on the single sheet of paper in that firm handwriting she had known and loved so well, 'Now that we've both had time to cool off, you may find, as I have done, that there's nothing more to say, except that I'm grateful to have had the opportunity to assist you in some small way over the years. 'If you should need help or advice in future, then may I suggest that you turn to Ross and Dulcie. They had no other motive for taking you into their home except to fill their empty lives. My contribution was exactly what I said it was: a way of salving my guilty conscience.' It was signed: 'Your unworthy benefactor, Tarquin A. Radloff.' The nightmarish happenings of the night before became a harsh reality in the cold light of day as Toni's trembling hands clutched at the sheet of paper while she read it through once more. It sounded so devastatingly final that she wanted to weep, but the tears merely locked in her throat and left her strangely numb.

Her mind was a turmoil of disjointed thoughts. Memories came in snatches, of a childhood spent with her parents in the twobedroomed house on the outskirts of Johannesburg, of her acute unhappiness during her short stay in the orphanage, and of the comforting warmth and love she had received from the moment Ross' had put her in his car and had driven her to his home. She had not, at the time, understood what it was all about, but she had felt secure in the knowledge that someone had taken pity on her, and was providing for her in a most adequate way. Now, knowing that Tarquin was responsible, it all made sense, except for his dreadful confession, which she could not believe entirely, and the fact that he had rejected her after that brief moment of passionate intimacy they had shared. 'You're not the only woman I've kissed a little too thoroughly over the years,' she recalled his words, cringing inwardly, but the memory of her humiliation was gradually replaced by an incredible anger. She would not give him the satisfaction of knowing how much he had hurt her, and neither must he suspect her feelings for him. She had no doubt that they would meet again, but things could never be the same between them—-not after what had occurred, she realised, thrusting his letter into her skirt pocket. 'Is something the matter?' Dulcie interrupted her thoughts. 'Was it a tremendous upheaval having a child suddenly thrust upon you?' Toni asked, her eyes dark and stormy. Dulcie looked startled. 'Not at all! It changed our way of life considerably, but it was a change we both welcomed. Why?' 'I ... just wondered,' Toni replied lamely. 'When you're a child you take things for granted, but when you're older ...'

'You begin to think of all kinds of improbabilities,' Dulcie finished for her understandingly. 'We wouldn't have taken you into our home if we hadn't wanted you desperately, and we've never regretted our decision.' Her hand clasped Toni's across the table. 'You've been a wonderful daughter to us, and your presence in our home has made our happiness complete.' 'Thank you ... for everything,' Toni murmured thickly, choking down the tears. 'Has something in Tarquin's letter upset you?' Toni shook her head, reluctant to speak of her discovery for fear of the pain that accompanied it. 'You think you know someone, then you suddenly discover that you don't know them at all.' 'Tarquin?' Dulcie wanted to know, a smile of reassurance on her lips as Toni nodded. 'My dear, I've been married to Ross for twenty-six years, and I still don't know him, so don't let it trouble you too much.'

CHAPTER NINE Ross's recovery was remarkable and he was discharged from hospital a week later to convalesce at home. Toni strongly suspected that he had, with his clever lawyer's brain, overruled the doctors' arguments on this matter, but neither she nor Dulcie balked at the thought of having him home again. Toni escaped from her flat whenever she could to spend every free moment at home during Ross's convalescence. She had shut her mind against the gnawing, painful thoughts which persisted as the weeks lengthened into a month with winter setting in swiftly on the Reef. She had not seen nor heard from Tarquin since the night of Ross's accident, and her own determination to keep out of his way had prevented her from contacting him. She knew, however, that he had called to see Ross several times when she had not been at home, and once, when Gary had driven her through to Pretoria in the middle of the week, she had answered the telephone to hear that familiar voice asking to speak to Ross, but she had given no sign of recognition, and neither had he, although her heart had hammered like a wild thing in her breast for some time afterwards. During these weeks after Ross's accident Gary had slipped back into her life with an ease that was comforting, and, despite the fact that her acceptance of his invitations lacked the required enthusiasm, he remained undaunted in his efforts to draw her out of the mood of despondency into which she had sunk. One evening, despite her protests about the expense, he insisted upon taking her to a new restaurant which had opened in the city, and, as they dined a la carte in the ritzy atmosphere, pretending to a wealth neither of them possessed, Gary leaned towards her, his dark eyes intense and questioning.

'I haven't wanted to ask, but something has happened to you this past month, Toni. You appear to have lost that spark of vitality and warmth I've always admired so much.' Instantly and unreasonably irritated by his probing, she snapped: 'If you find my company distasteful, then perhaps you should take me home.' 'Don't be ridiculous,' he scowled, gripping her wrist and forcing her to remain seated. 'I love you, Toni, and you know that. I've accepted the fact that you can't love me, but if something has happened to make you unhappy, then you could at least tell me about it.' A flush of guilt stained her cheeks and she relaxed slightly. 'I'm sorry I snapped at you, Gary. Heaven knows you don't deserve it.' 'I didn't ask for an apology,' he smiled, his grip on her wrist slackened, yet lingering. 'I would like to know if there's any way I could help you.' 'There's no way anyone can help me.' 'Does Tarquin Radloff have anything to do with this strange apathy of yours?' he guessed shrewdly, finding his answer in the flicker of pain that darkened her eyes. 'My life is in such a mess,' she complained softly, disengaging her hand carefully from his clasp and forcing an unwilling smile to her stiff lips. 'Let's talk about something else. What have you heard from Fay lately?' Gary sighed and lit a cigarette, blowing the smoke towards the low beamed ceiling. 'She's missing everyone, but she's settled down happily in her new job.'

'In her last letter to me she said that the prospects looked so good for the future that they might decide to get married at the end of this year,' she prompted, quelling a pang of envy. 'Apparently this is quite definite now. Jeff says there's no reason for them to wait any longer.' Gary hesitated briefly, watching the smoke spiral upwards from the tip of his cigarette. 'If you should change your mind, we could make it a double wedding?' If she should change her mind! How did one go about tearing a hopeless love from your heart in order to love again, wholly and completely? Toni shook her head. 'You're sweet, Gary, and I'm very fond of you, but it wouldn't be fair to marry you without loving you as you deserve.' His disappointed glance met hers briefly before it was arrested by something, or someone, at the other end of the restaurant. It altered his expression to a tight-lipped mask she had never noticed before, and a tremor quivered along her nerves, stiffening her back, and warning her that something was about to happen; something she had to guard against. 'Don't look now,' Gary warned softly, his lips barely moving, 'but your friend Tarquin Radloff has just walked in with that stunning redhead, Mrs Garland, glued to his arm.' 'Oh, no!' Toni groaned, a wave of hot colour pushing up into her cheeks, and her quickening pulse changing her voice into a breathless whisper. 'I hope they haven't seen us.' 'You're out of luck,' Gary dashed her hopes to the ground as he drew hard on his cigarette. 'Those eagle eyes of Radloff's swept the entire restaurant from the moment they came in, and they've now settled permanently on your sweet self. Brace yourself, sweetheart. They're coming over.'

Cold sweat broke out on her forehead and her hands were clammy as she clutched them together nervously in her lap, not daring to glance over her shoulder. 'Gary, please! .Isn't there some way we can get out of here before they reach our table?' 'No way, except the main entrance, and they're directly in our path,' he told her, crushing his cigarette into the ashtray. 'Just take it easy and leave the rest to me.' That was easier said than done, for she was now achingly aware of Tarquin's presence behind her as Gary rose to his feet. 'Good evening, Mr Radloff.' 'Good evening,' Tarquin's deep voice washed over her, then, knowing she could not remain seated with her back to him, she turned, the remnants of her composure almost intact as steel-grey eyes met hers from a long way up. 'Hello, Antoinette. You both know Nell Garland, I understand.' 'Yes,' Toni replied, amazed at the polite coolness in her own voice. 'Gary and I first met Mrs Garland that evening at the Sheridan, but I, of course, saw Mrs Garland on several occasions after that when she called on my employer, Graham Todd.' 'It's a pleasure to meet you again, Mrs Garland,' Gary bowed slightly towards the tall woman in the shimmering white silk, with her red hair piled high on her head, and her green eyes flashing a message Toni was loath to interpret. 'How nice of you to say so, Mr... er...' She paused dramatically. 'Thompson,' Gary supplied easily, exuding a confidence that somehow strengthened Toni.

'Are you well, Antoinette?' Tarquin broke the small, uncomfortable silence, his glance showing concern as it took in her pallor, and the faint hollows beneath her cheekbones. 'Perfectly, thank you,' she managed calmly as she sustained his searching glance. 'Darling, we really shouldn't be interrupting their dinner in this way,' Nell's husky voice intervened. 'It's most inconsiderate of us to be hovering about when they obviously want to be alone.' 'How astute of you, Mrs Garland,' Gary remarked, instantly adopting a totally perplexing attitude. 'As a matter of fact ...' He glanced enquiringly at Toni. 'Shall I tell them, darling?' Toni frowned. 'I don't -?' 'Yes, I think I will,' Gary interrupted before she could complete her query. 'We're celebrating our engagement, and you're the first to know.' 'How delightful!' Nell exclaimed while Toni smothered a gasp of surprise. 'Is this true, Toni?' 'He called me Toni again,' she thought, a suggestion of warmth flowing through her veins, but she floundered as she met Tarquin's incredulous glance, and saw the whiteness beneath the tan of his rugged features. 'Well, I-' 'It's perfectly true,' Gary interrupted once again, drawing the attention away from Toni. 'We wanted to keep it to ourselves for a

while, but now I don't see any harm in sharing the news, considering you were such old friends.' 'That's quite true,' Tarquin replied stiffly, his eyes flickering strangely as his glance slid once again from Gary to Toni. 'May I offer my congratulations to you both.' 'And mine as well,' Nell echoed with more warmth than before as she tugged persuasively at Tarquin's arm. 'Now we really must leave them alone to get on with their celebration dinner, darling.' Tarquin's expression became shuttered as he inclined his head slightly in their direction, and allowed himself to be led across to their table some distance away. 'Why did you do that?' Toni hissed at Gary the moment they were alone. 'You don't want him to guess that he's the cause of your coming apart at the seams, do you?' Gary questioned with a hint of humour in his eyes. 'No, of course not, but was it necessary to go to such elaborate lengths?' Her anger merely served to amuse him, and he laughed softly. 'Sweetheart, a little healthy jealousy never did anyone any harm, and, if I was not mistaken, your friend Radloff was completely overcome by it.' 'You don't know what you're saying!' 'Oh, yes, I do,' Gary persisted, resuming his serious expression. 'He was jealous! So jealous, in fact, that I almost expected him to ignore the presence of that delectable dish at his side by plucking you out

of your chair and carrying you off to some place where I could never reach you.' 'You're being ridiculous,' she argued, rejecting Gary's observations without further thought. 'Tarquin may be concerned for my happiness, but that's all!' 'Really?' Gary drawled infuriatingly. 'Then will you explain to me why he can't seem to keep his eyes off you despite the efforts of that charming lady Mrs Garland?' Toni's involuntary glance darted swiftly across the restaurant, and, to her dismay, she met Tarquin's speculative stare. A curious sensation forced its way relentlessly along her veins, and for a moment she could not look away, until Gary said: 'See what I mean?' 'What am I supposed to say when Ross and Dulcie hear about this bogus engagement of ours?' she questioned, wrenching her glance from Tarquin's to face Gary. 'Tell them the truth, and, if I know you at all, it's something you haven't done yet.' Toni stared at him for a moment, the shadows beneath her eyes suddenly more prominent in the subdued light. 'Gary, I wish you hadn't made such a silly statement.' 'Sorry, sweetheart, but I couldn't resist it,' he admitted with a hint of regret. 'Would you like me to go over and confess that it was merely a joke, and a silly joke at that?' Toni shook her head hastily. 'That would only make matters worse, and you know it.'

'Cheer up, darling,' he said eventually as they finished their coffee. 'I don't know why I should be trying to help you into the arms of Tarquin Radloff, when I'd much rather have you in mine, but I'm getting a devil of a kick out of playing Cupid.' 'You're an idiot,' she laughed, relaxing for the first time since Tarquin's untimely arrival with his glamorous companion. 'Do you know, I haven't heard you laugh like that for ages?' Gary pointed out seriously. 'It hasn't been as bad as that, surely?' 'It has,' Gary confirmed a little sadly. 'It's also made me realise that just a glimpse of Tarquin Radloff can make you sparkle like a diamond, and I can't help wishing you loved me that way.' Toni lowered her glance uncomfortably as she clasped her small evening bag. 'I think perhaps we should leave now.' 'Yes,' Gary agreed, rising instantly. 'We've both had enough excitement for one evening.'

It was not until the week-end, when she slipped into Ross's study to find him attending to some of his correspondence, that Toni recalled Gary's advice, and, perching herself on the corner of Ross's desk, in the way she had done since childhood when something had troubled her, she waited silently until he had signed his name with a flourish beneath the letter he had written. He raised his glance expectantly, and, deciding it best to say what had to be said without preamble, she plunged into speech.

'Ross, if ... if you should hear the news of my engagement to Gary Thompson, don't take it seriously.' Characteristically Ross took this statement in his stride, if somewhat curiously. 'I think you should explain.' Toni swallowed nervously, reluctant to go into detail, yet knowing that Ross would not be satisfied until her statement was clarified. 'Gary and I were having dinner at that new restaurant in Johannesburg the other evening when Tarquin walked in with Nell Garland.' She swept her hair from her face with a nervous gesture of her hand. 'They came across to our table and that was when Gary ... when he ...' 'Decided to announce your engagement,' Ross filled in, not pretending to understand. 'The reason for young Gary's announcement escapes me, but I do know you haven't been looking well lately, my dear.' His critical glance lingered on the shadows beneath eyes that lacked their usual lustre, and the faint hollows in cheeks that looked strangely pale in the soft light filtering in through the lace-curtained windows. 'You've always been able to confide in me in the past. Can't you do so now?' Toni hesitated, her reluctance stemming from a hurt which had gone far deeper than even she cared to realise. There was nothing anyone could do to help her; nothing to alleviate the pain of giving her heart to a man who had no use for it. 'Well, Toni?' Ross prompted gently, and her reserve began to crumble. 'I discovered some rime ago that Tarquin had been my benefactor. To be exact, I found out the night of your accident.' 'Could you tell me how you found out?'

Toni closed her eyes for a moment, recalling her moment of discovery to the very last detail. 'Tarquin had thrown his jacket on to a chair in the living-room, and his notebook had slid from the pocket to the floor. I picked it up, saw his handwriting on one of the pages, and recognised it.' 'And?' 'And nothing,' she sighed, removing herself off the edge of the desk and walking across to the window to stare out on to the sunlit garden with eyes that reflected the horror of what had followed her discovery. 'Tarquin revealed, with brutal frankness, that he'd been responsible for the death of my parents, and that he'd paid for my education to alleviate his conscience.' 'Is that all he told you?' 'No.' She bit down on a quivering lip. 'He also made it quite clear that he wanted to sever our relationship now that I knew the truth, and I can only presume that it's because he would find it impossible to continue seeing me with this knowledge between us.' 'Perhaps you were not as understanding as he had hoped you would be.' Ross's quiet voice held a hint of accusation that struck deep. 'Understanding?' Toni demanded with a flash of spirit as she turned to face the grey-haired man seated so calmly behind the large desk. 'He never gave me much opportunity to be anything other than deeply shocked by his cold-blooded and callous description of what had occurred. It was like talking to a stranger.' Toni was perilously close to tears, and Ross, noticing this, gestured that she should draw a chair closer and sit down. 'Do you think you could recall that conversation in detail for me?' he asked gently once

she was seated opposite him. 'I would like to know exactly what was said from the moment that you discovered the truth.' With every word uttered between them that night etched deeply in her memory, she recounted their conversation almost verbatim, omitting only the conversation which had led to her personal humiliation. 'Is that all?' Ross asked curiously when she eventually fell silent. After a moment of thought, she nodded slowly. 'All I can remember which could be of any importance, yes.' Ross leaned back in his chair, a peculiar little smile about his lips. 'How like Tarquin not to plead his case!' Toni felt herself grow tense. 'I ... don't understand.' 'No, you wouldn't, my dear,' Ross admitted calmly, lighting a cigarette and stretching out his legs beneath his desk, then, with his narrowed eyes intent upon her face, he explained. 'Tarquin was engaged to Nell Garland at the time. She was Nell Baker then, and she lived here in Pretoria with her parents, who were just ordinary middle-class people. Besotted as Tarquin was, he would have done anything for her, but he was unable to cancel an important meeting one evening in order to escort her to some or other function she had set her heart on attending. The meeting, however, ended sooner than he had expected, and, with the intention of smoothing over the situation, he drove from Johannesburg to Pretoria that evening. Nell wasn't at home, but her parents were quite unsuspecting when they gave him the address of the friend she was visiting, and, when he arrived at the given address, he found her seeking solace in Eddie Garland's arms. Eddie was then a wealthy young business executive while Tarquin was still on the first rung of success. It was natural, I suppose, that someone like Nell should have found Eddie's wealth

an irresistible factor in comparison with Tarquin's dicey prospects for the future.' 'I can imagine how he must have felt,' she whispered, her tender heart filled with the compassion and understanding which Tarquin had resolutely made no effort to arouse. 'Can you imagine it, Toni?' Ross asked gently. 'Can you also sympathise with the emotional turmoil he was experiencing that night while he drove back to Johannesburg, foolishly intent upon killing himself, but succeeding only in killing your parents?' Toni drew a shuddering breath. 'Ross, why didn't he tell me? I never blamed him in any way, and I could never blame him now that I know the truth, but why should he have wanted to leave me with that terrible impression that he'd almost deliberately gone out of his way to cause the accident?' 'You should know by now that Tarquin is not the kind of man who would want to whitewash his part in the incident. He took full responsibility for the accident at the time. He was driving too fast, and, as far as Tarquin was concerned, his state of mind was no excuse at all.' Yes, Toni thought, Tarquin would take the blame without reservations. It was that ruthless quality in his character which she had glimpsed occasionally. He could be ruthless with others, but equally ruthless with himself, and labouring under this self-imposed guilt was his way of punishing himself. 'Poor dear Tarquin! It all makes such wonderful sense now, except -' 'Except?' Ross prompted, putting out his cigarette and giving her one of those curious, penetrating glances which were so much a part of his lawyer's existence.

'After keeping his identity a secret for so many years, what made him decide to come out into the open?' It was all at once vitally important to know the answer to something which had plagued her continuously these past weeks, and Ross, sensing this new urgency within her, supplied the answer without hesitation. 'Tarquin had insisted that it would be preferable for him not to know what you looked like, and that, for your own happiness, it would be best if you didn't know the identity of your benefactor and the reason for his generosity, but he walked into my office unexpectedly one day and saw your photograph on my desk. The one taken on your eighteenth birthday,' he explained as she raised questioning eyebrows. 'He couldn't take his eyes off it.' 'Ross?' she queried breathlessly, her heart behaving in a peculiar manner as one incredible possibility after the other raced through her mind. 'Are you in love with him, Toni?' Her look of shocked surprise must have given Ross his answer, for his heavy eyebrows rose sharply before she had the opportunity to ask: 'Would you object if I said yes?' 'No,' he replied, leaning forward and taking her hands in his to still their trembling. 'But you realise, of course, that Tarquin is almost nineteen years older than you?' 'Age doesn't matter when you love someone,' Toni replied, finding it a relief to voice what was in her heart, yet knowing the futility of her hopes as she cried: 'Oh, what am I saying! It's all so hopeless. He thinks of me as a child, and yet...' Her glance was pleading. 'Ross, do you think there's a possibility that he might -'

'Care for you in that way?' Ross completed her sentence as she stumbled to a halt. He released her hands and shrugged as he leaned back in his chair once more. 'Who can tell with Tarquin? He's usually quite frank about matters concerning his business, but when it comes to his personal life he can be just as cagey as the next man.' 'He did confide in you, though, about the events preceding the accident.' 'Every man needs to confide in someone at some time in his life, my dear, and, as we were going to become directly involved, he had no choice.' Toni jumped to her feet, almost boyishly slim as she paced the floor restlessly with her hands dug deep into the pockets of her slacks. 'What am I going to do?' 'I'm afraid I can't help you there.' 'I wonder if he and Nell Garland ...' 'Never!' Ross exploded behind her. 'Tarquin was cured of his infatuation years ago.' Toni ceased her pacing at that point and turned slowly, a strained look on her face. 'And if it wasn't merely infatuation?' Ross shrugged and leaned his elbows on his desk. 'Nell can be very persuasive, but don't underestimate Tarquin.' Their conversation ended abruptly as Dulcie brought in a tray of tea, but there was plenty for Toni to think about during the days that followed.

By the end of the following week Toni had made up her mind what course of action to take, but, after numerous unsuccessful telephone calls, she finally de- tided to sit down and write a letter; probably the last letter she would ever write to the man she now knew to be her benefactor, she told herself. Writing to Tarquin was not an easy task, she discovered to her dismay, for her countless efforts were either too personal, or too stiff and formal, and she was not surprised to note that more than an hour had passed before she was satisfied with the result. 'Dear Tarquin,' she began to read through it swiftly, and critically. 'I hate to trouble you at a time when you're obviously busy, but, as my repeated telephone calls to your office and flat have met without much success this past week, I can only hope that this letter will reach you somehow. 'You once stated that you would always be there if I should need you. I need you now—desperately! Would you please arrange a meeting at your convenience, or have you retracted your offer of help along with your friendship? If I don't hear from you within a week, I shall accept your silence as a refusal, and I shan't bother you again. Sincerely, Toni.' It was not exactly worded as she would have wished, Toni thought with a sigh, but it would just have to do. The end result would, however, be the same. With the letter in the post, the long wait began, and, as the stipulated week drew to a close, Toni knew the meaning of real despair. If Tarquin did not want to see her, then there was nothing she could do about it short of barging in on him and demanding an audience. She had been prepared to meet him more than half way, but she still had some pride left, she decided with a determined effort not to shed the tears which had threatened all day.

She was slipping the cover over her typewriter and preparing to leave the office just as the telephone began to ring, but, after a week of waiting expectantly for a call, the shrill sound induced merely a feeling of agitation that someone should be calling Graham Todd's offices just as they were about to close, and her 'Mr Todd's office, good afternoon' sounded exceptionally trite. 'Miss Schafer?' It was unmistakably the voice of Tarquin's secretary, and Toni's heart leapt to her throat. 'Speaking.' 'Mr Radloff would like to know if five-thirty this afternoon at Enrico's would suit you?' 'Yes, of course.' Toni hesitated only a moment. 'May I speak to him?' 'I'm afraid he has someone with him at the moment, that's why he asked me to telephone,' that abrupt voice informed her. 'Was it important?' Toni swallowed her disappointment. 'Nothing that couldn't wait until five-thirty.' 'Very well then, I shall tell Mr Radloff you've agreed.' The line went dead and Toni replaced the receiver with a hand that shook visibly. So far, so good, she thought nervously, but how she would feel when she faced, him across the table at Enrico's she had no way of knowing. The only thought that kept her courage from flaking was the knowledge that she would soon know, one way or the other, whether there was the remotest possibility of a future for her with Tarquin, but her optimism was at its lowest ebb as she made her way to

Enrico's some minutes later in a slow-moving bus which was caught in the rush of the late afternoon traffic. By forcing the issue she was perhaps paving the way to further humiliation, but it was a chance she had to take. At the end of her confrontation with Tarquin she might have cause to deride herself for her actions, but it was too late now to back out of the agreed appointment, for Tarquin would already be on his way to Enrico's, just as she was nearing the bus stop where she would have to alight, and she could no longer deny the fact that she was frightened.

CHAPTER TEN AT five-thirty exactly Toni was being ushered to the corner table by Enrico, and her heartbeats subsided fractionally when she discovered that Tarquin had not yet put in an appearance. Indicating that she would wait, Toni was left alone, thankful for these few precious minutes during which to compose herself. She had nothing planned, knowing from past experience that her well-rehearsed little speeches usually left her in the lurch at the most critical moment, but what would happen if she should discover that she had made a grave mistake as far as Tarquin's feelings were concerned? Toni shuddered at the thought and raised her glance to see Tarquin, tall and distinguished-looking, entering the restaurant and making his way towards her. Her pulse fluttered wildly and, for a moment, panic seized her, but it was too late to think of escape. 'My apologies for being late, but I was held up at the last minute,' he said casually, seating himself opposite her. 'Have you ordered something to drink yet?' 'No,' she managed in a croaked voice, not at all sure now that she had done the right thing by asking him to meet her. 'Enrico ...' He raised his hand, and the man appeared as if he had been waiting solely for that signal. 'A sherry for Miss Schafer, and a whisky for myself, thank you.' As Enrico smiled and disappeared, Tarquin's cold, detached glance met Toni's, making her tremble inwardly with a nervousness she could not quite conceal. 'What's the problem, Antoinette?' 'Do you prefer Antoinette to Toni, or are you deliberately using my full name to create a barrier between us?' she asked, instantly on the defensive as she stalled for time.

'Stop being childish, and let's get down to the problem at hand, because I haven't much time.' 'Why have you changed so much, Tarquin?' she whispered, squirming under his rebuke and searching vainly for a softening in his hard features. 'You've become a remote stranger; someone completely unapproachable.' 'Circumstances have changed,' he replied abruptly, gripping her wrist unexpectedly between strong fingers to examine her left hand, and sending that familiar tingle of awareness along her receptive bloodstream. 'Why aren't you wearing an engagement ring?' 'I'm not engaged to Gary.' 'Changed your mind again?' he mocked. 'There never was an engagement,' she explained, guilt staining her cheeks. 'Gary merely indulged in a little subterfuge because he thought I—I needed protection.' Tarquin's glance became slightly incredulous. Protection against what? Or whom, should I say?'

'Protection?

'Against you,' she said quietly, fascinated by those strong fingers curled about her wrist. 'I hadn't seen you for quite some time since—since Ross's accident, and I was a little nervy.' 'You were afraid of meeting me again?' 'Not exactly afraid ... but wary.' 'So Gary very gallantly offered protection by announcing your engagement,' Tarquin mocked, releasing her. 'I must admit you had me fooled.'

'I'm sorry.' Then, to break the uncomfortable silence, she said: 'I always seem to be apologising to you, don't I?' Enrico arrived with their order before Tarquin could reply and, thankful for this moment of respite, Toni sipped at her sherry and prayed desperately that it would have a steadying influence on her shattered nerves while she searched her mind frantically for something to say. 'Could we get back to your actual problem?' It was Tarquin who finally broke the strained silence. 'The one that prompted you to write such an urgent letter requesting this meeting?' 'I suppose my letter was worded a little too dramatically,' she laughed unsteadily. 'You've accused me of being too dramatic often enough.' His expression mirrored faint disapproval. 'Are you trying to tell me that you got me here under false pretences?' 'No, it isn't that, but...' She faltered, took another sip of sherry to aid her flagging courage, then, placing her glass on the table and clutching the stem so tightly with her fingers that it almost snapped, she asked: 'Why did you give me such a distorted version of the accident that involved my parents?' Tarquin paled slightly. 'There was nothing distorted about it. I gave you the facts. What more did you want?' 'You're always such a careful driver; so controlled in everything you do. You were upset that night. Terribly upset.' 'That had nothing to do with it,' he gestured angrily, draining his glass.

'It has everything to do with it,' Toni persisted, a calm determination taking possession of her. 'It's an acceptable and understandable reason for your lapse in concentration, and also for the speed at which you were travelling.' Tarquin's eyes narrowed dangerously. 'Has Ross been talking to you?' 'Yes, but -' 'He had no right to impart this information to you, or anyone else. It was private and confidential.' Chilled by the deadly sound of his voice, she said quickly, 'Don't blame him, Tarquin. I had to know.' 'It's over and done with, and I have no wish to rake up the past for your benefit, or anyone else's.' 'But we must, don't you see?' she pleaded, clenching her fists on the table before her in a gesture of urgency. 'Your explanation was that of a callous, unfeeling brute, and that's what I couldn't understand, or accept. I know you're not like that. Ross told me the truth as you must have told him originally. Why couldn't you have told me the truth as well? Why did you deliberately want me to think the worst of you?' Tarquin's face became granite hard. 'I wasn't looking for sympathy. I behaved like a fool that night, and I don't suffer fools gladly. Besides, I thought it best at the time to give you the plain, unembroidered facts.' 'And now?'

She met his glance unwaveringly, but he merely sighed impatiently and said: 'Toni, this conversation is superfluous. Your parents died because of my negligence.' 'It was an accident.' 'One which could, and should have been avoided,' he insisted harshly with an expressive gesture of his hands. 'All right, so you've discovered that I was badly disillusioned that night. I was in a blind fury—heartbroken would perhaps suit your romantic little mind better—but that was no excuse. I should have cooled off somewhere before attempting that journey back to Johannesburg, but I didn't. I got straight into my car and raced back like a madman.' It would be futile to pursue that particular subject at the moment, Toni realised, for he was determined to remain unrelenting, and, moistening her lips, she asked nervously, 'Tarquin, why did you never want to know what I looked like?' 'Because I was a coward,' he replied with surprising candour. 'I thought that seeing you would renew the pain of what I'd done.' 'But you did eventually see a photograph taken of myself.' 'Yes.' A flicker of a smile touched those stern lips. 'One taken on your eighteenth birthday.' 'And you suddenly changed your mind,' she said quietly, surprised at the calmness of her voice when her insides were shaking so uncontrollably. 'Why?' 'Does it matter?' he asked casually. 'I would very much like to know.'

Tarquin touched his glass as if he considered ordering another drink, then he changed his mind and pushed the glass aside with an audible sigh. 'I think I must have had some crazy notion that I could be of some service to you in a personal capacity instead of by correspondence.' 'Was that the only reason?' she asked softly, amazed at her own audacity. And, for the first time since meeting Tarquin, she saw him look uncomfortable. 'Toni, this isn't the place to discuss these matters,' he said agitatedly, and, strengthened by the knowledge that she had managed to get beneath his reserve, she reached across the table and touched his arm, the expensive dark fabric of his suit a little rough beneath her fingertips. 'Then let's go somewhere quiet where we can be alone.' 'No!' he snapped, shaking off her hand and glancing at the dial of his expensive wristwatch. 'I have another appointment at six-thirty.' 'With Nell?' she could not prevent herself from asking, then, as she glanced at his rigid features, she continued hastily, 'Tarquin, please! This is terribly important to me. My entire future depends on the outcome of this discussion.' For a moment she thought he would refuse, and a frightened pulse jerked in her throat, but the next instant he was on his feet, his fingers gripping her elbow as he drew her to her feet and guided her from the restaurant into the gathering dusk outside. 'My flat is the nearest,' he said abruptly, and moments later she was seated beside him in the Mercedes, stealing glances at his rugged profile and wondering frantically whether she was not on the verge of making an even bigger fool of herself.

It was a short but silent drive, with neither of them speaking until they had entered his flat. Toni had regained her composure after her slight attack of nerves in the car, and, shedding her coat, she glanced about her, recalling the last occasion she had been there. That was the night she had discovered her love for him, and nothing had since gone smoothly in their relationship. 'Another sherry?' Tarquin enquired with a chilly politeness reserved for strangers. 'No, thank you,' she smiled unsteadily, surfacing from thoughts which had quickened her pulse alarmingly. 'That sherry at Enrico's has left me slightly light-headed as it is.' She observed him in silence as he removed his jacket, selected a pipe, and began to fill it from the carved wooden box on the table beside his favourite armchair, his actions calming her considerably. 'Tell me now, Tarquin. Was there another, reason for wanting to meet me?' Unaware of the growing tension within her, he took his time fighting his pipe, and only when it was burning to his satisfaction, did he reply with that cynical twist to his lips. 'You could say, I suppose, that I became a glutton for punishment.' A peculiar little pain manifested itself in the region of her heart. 'Was our friendship a punishment to you?' 'Yes.' 'Only a punishment?' she whispered after a strained little silence with the pleasant odour of pipe tobacco drifting towards her. Tarquin lowered his glance to the pipe clenched between his fingers, and Toni's fascinated glance became riveted to the tiny nerve that worked furiously against the side of his jaw, but his eyes, when he raised them, were shuttered.

'What would you have me say, Toni?' 'That you love me,' the words sprang to her lips, but she checked them forcibly as she walked across to the window and drew aside die heavy curtains. The neon sign, mounted on the tall building across the street, flashed on and off at regular intervals, accentuating the planes and hollows on her strained face as she sighed inaudibly, knowing what she had to do, yet hesitating. Tarquin cleared his throat behind her, triggering her into some sort of action. 'You must know how I feel about you?' the words were wrenched from her before she froze, not daring to turn and face him. There was a loud drumming in her ears as she felt rather than heard him come up behind her, closing her eyes as she heard him place his pipe on the windowsill before he took her firmly by the shoulders and turned her about to face him. 'I'm sorry, my dear, but -' 'Don't say it!' she interrupted wildly, placing her hands against her ears in a somewhat childish fashion. 'If you don't—if you can't—I'd rather not hear you say it,' she cried brokenly, feeling as though she were dying inch by embarrassed inch. Fingers of steel gripped her wrists and dragged her hands away from her ears, making her cry out in pain as she raised her frightened glance to his. 'You must listen to me, Toni,' he insisted harshly, while his eyes, a curious deep blue in the subdued light, raked her face angrily. 'If it would make you happy, then I admit that I was attracted to your photograph. Corresponding with you was not enough eventually. I wanted to hear you speak, I wanted to see you walking at my side, and more

than anything ...' he hesitated, his features relaxing a fraction.'... I wanted to see that tenderness in your eyes come alive for me in an effort to wash away my guilt. It was perhaps a stupid way of extracting your forgiveness without having to tell you the truth, I don't know, but I knew I had to meet you.' His grip on her wrists slackened, but he did not release her, and she swayed towards him like someone in a daze. She could feel the heat of his body against her own as she struggled to suppress the flicker of hope that rose within her to quicken her pulse. 'That was when the impossible waiting period began,' he continued, his breath fanning her forehead. 'You had another year to complete at the college, and I intended waiting until you'd qualified, but then the incredible opportunity arose for me to meet you quite naturally. I had to see Ross about a business venture that wasn't quite working out as I'd hoped, and you were going home that week-end. So what could have been more natural than for me to offer you a lift home?' Her breath quickened. 'Tarquin -' 'I was as nervous as hell that day,' he went on as if she had not spoken, a humorous smile plucking at his lips. 'Photographs can be deceptive, but, to my astonishment, you were even more beautiful, and also so blessedly unaware of it that I was instantly at ease with you.' Tarquin's grip tightened momentarily before he released her abruptly. 'That was where I made my first mistake. I should have got the hell out of that college, never to set eyes on you again.' 'Please ... don't say that,' Toni begged haltingly as her uncertainty returned. 'Every moment we spent together was like a precious gem to me which I shall cherish all my life.' 'I'm almost forty, Toni, while you're on the thresh- hold of your life. You've had very little opportunity to meet men of your own age, and

...' He gestured her to silence. '... most important of all, there's no way of eliminating the fact that I was directly responsible for the deaths of your parents.' 'Don't you think you've paid for that a long, long time ago?' Tarquin's movements were slow as he rescued his pipe off the windowsill, but he stood staring at it in his hand without relighting it, his voice rough as he spoke. 'I've carried my guilt around with me long enough to be able to bear it with some dignity, yes. But I shall never forgive myself entirely.' 'But, Tarquin, there's no need for you to feel that way about it,' she cried, desperate now to get through to him. 'If it's my forgiveness that you want, then you know you have it without reservations.' He turned away from her, but not before she had seen that peculiar tightening of his lips that made her heart feel as though it were clamped in a vice. 'It isn't merely a question of forgiveness,' he said at last, placing his pipe in a large porcelain ashtray and thrusting his hands into his pockets. 'It's much more than that.' 'Then what is it?' she demanded, frantic now as she saw the gulf widen between them. 'Tarquin, it's senseless to continue labouring under this feeling of guilt when you've made up for it in so many other ways. You've given me so much; much more than I ever would have had had my parents been alive, and Ross and Dulcie gave me all the love and attention a child could wish for. I've had an expensive education, clothes that were the envy of my friends, and, eventually, there were your letters, which became an everincreasing joy to me. I found I could write to you about almost anything, knowing you would understand.' She bit back the tears as she came up behind him and touched his arm, feeling the muscle

tense beneath the silk of his shirt, while his rigid profile showed no sign of softening. 'Then I met you,' she continued in a voice just above a whisper; 'and I realise now, of course, why I found you so easy to talk to. You knew me so well. What more could any girl have wanted when someone like you gave her so much more than she deserved?' He turned then, his glance coldly mocking. 'Are you offering me gratitude, Toni?' She removed her hand from his arm as if it had stung her. 'Of course I'm grateful. Terribly, terribly grateful. But that has nothing to do with the way I feel. I ... Oh, lord!' She buried her face in her hands for a moment, afraid she would burst into tears, then, as she fought to regain her composure, she realised that she would have to shed the remnants of her pride, regardless of the consequences, and, lowering her hands to face the silent man before her, she said unsteadily: 'I love you, Tarquin, but you're making it awfully hard for me to convince you.' A flicker of emotion crossed his face before the mask of indifference was firmly replaced. 'You're still very young, my dear, and you're uncertain of your feelings. You once thought yourself in love with Gary Thompson. then it was someone else whose identity I'm still unaware of, and now you think yourself in love with me.' 'You are the man I spoke of, but you were too obtuse to realise it. You still are,' she cried in a choked voice, leaving the tears unchecked as they made their way down her pale cheeks. 'Tarquin ... am I making a complete fool of myself? Don't you care at all?' He gestured angrily as he placed some distance between them. 'It's not a question of whether I care or not.'

'But it is!' she insisted, gripping the back of a chair to prevent herself from running after him as cold fear sent shivers of ice through her veins. Was it possible that she had made a mistake? 'Have I become an embarrassing nuisance; a painful reminder of something you would rather forget?' 'For pity's sake, you could never become that, but the knowledge that I was responsible for the death of your parents will no doubt eventually create a barrier between us. It's happened already, and ... I'm also too old for you.' He had swung round to face her as he spoke, and, for one incredible moment Toni had caught a glimpse of what lay beneath that impenetrable mask he kept so relentlessly in place. He was not as indifferent as he wanted her to think and, strengthened by this knowledge, she said : 'That's far too feeble an excuse for me to accept, because you know me well enough to realise that I don't bear grudges, and making use of the difference in our ages is just too silly.' He stared at her incredulously for a moment, then, moving his broad shoulders slightly as if to shake off her remark, he picked up her coat and came towards her purposefully. 'Toni, you're pounding relentlessly at a door that will remain locked for ever. Let me take you home.' Toni stared at him in silence for a moment, then she relieved him of her coat, and dropped it over the back of the chair beside her as a daring little plan began to formulate in her mind. 'If this is to be goodbye, Tarquin, would you grant me one last request?' she asked with a calmness that gave no indication of the nervous tremors that shook through her. He hesitated, then smiled briefly. 'I can't very well refuse, can I?'

Scraping together every vestige of courage she possessed, she closed the gap between them and raised her chin proudly as she said clearly and calmly, 'Kiss me, Tarquin. Kiss me just once as if you really mean it' She held her breath, a pulse throbbing painfully in her throat as she watched several emotions flicker across that strong face above hers as he grasped the essence of her request. Although she knew that she had scored a definite hit, leaving him no alternative but to retaliate, it took several frightening seconds for him to react, and, when he did, she almost regretted her foolish request. Her shoulders were gripped so painfully that she silently cried out with the agony of it as he dragged her against him with a force that took her breath away. 'You scheming little -' he broke off hoarsely, steel-grey eyes scorching her with their intensity seconds before her neck almost snapped with the force of his kiss. There was not a scrap of tenderness in the arms that clamped her to his body, nor in the lips that bruised her own in a punishment she was beginning to think she deserved, then, as tears formed beneath her lashes, he raised his head, and his anger washed over her with a force similar to that of the freak storms which so often occurred on the Reef. 'You knew you had the upper hand, didn't you?' he demanded with a violence that left her speechless. 'You knew it all along. You knew very well that you just had to beckon and I'd come running like an idiot. Well, you're not going to have it all your own way. You're going to pay for all the sleepless nights, and the countless other agonies I've suffered because of you. And you're going to pay for it right now!' His lips took possession of hers once more, but on this occasion she could feel the violence draining from him, to be replaced by a tenderness she had never known before; a tenderness that inevitably flared into passion. His lips coaxed a response from her that sent the

blood pounding through her veins, releasing a flood of emotions she no longer had any need to hide and, slipping her arms about his neck, she moved her parted lips warmly beneath his, relaying unmistakably the depth of her love. She felt him tremble against her as his lips finally strayed across her cheek and along the slender column of her neck, seeking and finding that vulnerable little pulse that throbbed so frantically at the base of her throat. 'I love you, Toni,' he groaned hoarsely, his hands moulding her slenderness to his muscular frame and awakening a desire within her that spread like a flame through her quivering body. 'God help me, but I love you and want you.' 'Darling Tarquin,' she sighed ecstatically as she laid her flushed cheek against his broad chest and heard the rapid thudding of his heart beneath her ear. 'I was beginning to think that, like everything else, I'd have to drag that confession out of you.' 'It doesn't pay to hide from the truth,' he insisted with an odd inflection in his voice as he placed a hand beneath her chin and forced her face into the open. 'I'm almost twice your age, and this is something you must consider very carefully.' Her glance was openly teasing, with an underlying tenderness he could not avoid noticing as she looked up at him steadily, and asked: 'Are you perhaps afraid that, because of my youth, you might find me lacking in the qualities you desire in a woman?' 'You little idiot,' he laughed shortly, his chest heaving beneath her hand, and a flame of desire in his eyes. The next instant her faint gasp was stifled beneath his lips as they plundered hers mercilessly, her pulse soaring until she lay trembling in his arms, every fibre of her being alive to his touch.

'Tarquin, please!' she begged eventually when she was forced to raise her hand in effort to ward off his conquering lips. 'What about Nell?' This was not the time to discuss Nell Garland, she realised regretfully as she saw the light of passion cool in his eyes, but she had to know. 'What about her?' he asked abruptly, his arms falling away from her. 'When I saw you having dinner together the other evening, I thought -' she faltered to a halt, shivering slightly without the warmth of his arms about her. 'Yes? You thought?' 'I thought she'd managed to make you see that you still cared for her.' Toni swallowed nervously. 'Ross said she could be very persuasive.' A peculiar little silence hovered between them before he asked: 'Were you jealous?' 'Yes,' she laughed suddenly, still a little unsure of herself. 'Terribly jealous.' 'That makes us even, then,' he smiled with satisfaction, taking her hands and drawing her against the hard length of his body. 'I went nearly mad with jealousy at the thought of you marrying Gary Thompson. It seemed there was nothing I could do to prevent it, and I didn't have the right to interfere.' Toni's eyes sparkled with humour at the thought that Gary's observation had been correct, but she refrained from telling Tarquin just yet.

'Did she ever question you about the he I told her that night at the Sheridan? About you marrying someone during the year?' 'She did.' 'And?' 'I didn't deny it.' 'That still doesn't explain why you were having dinner with Nell that evening,' Toni persisted. 'It was one of those "for old times' sake" dinners,' he explained in between tantalising feather-light kisses. 'Nell may have baited the hook, but I wasn't biting— not after a slip of a child like yourself had simply stomped into my heart with the arrogance of youth to take possession.' 'If only I'd known!' Toni sighed heavily, rejoicing in the freedom to slide her hands through his greying hair and finding it amazingly soft to the touch. Then, as she trailed a bold finger along the side of his jaw, he caught at her wrist, and her pulse throbbed beneath his fingertips as he pressed his lips to the palm of her hand. 'I don't deserve your love,' he said thickly, and she stared in awe at the transformation his features had undergone. He looked younger, more relaxed, the harsh lines softened and replaced by a look of infinite tenderness that caught at her heart and made it swell with love. 'Tarquin, you deserve so much more,' she whispered with complete sincerity. 'But we're wasting precious time talking like this.' 'You're right,' he agreed briskly, helping her into her coat before he shrugged on his jacket. 'We're wasting time when we could be spending it in a much better way.'

'Where are we going?' Toni demanded as he gripped her arm and almost dragged her into the hall. 'To Pretoria to ask Ross and Dulcie for your hand in marriage before I come to my senses and change my mind,' he replied, snapping off the lights as they went. 'Oh, Tarquin!' she laughed breathlessly, blinking back the tears of happiness that hovered on her lashes. He stopped suddenly, turning her to face him. 'You do want to marry me, don't you?' he asked, almost as an afterthought. 'Yes ... oh, yes,' she sighed, flying into his arms and offering him her lips, but the electric clock on the wall chimed the half hour and she drew away from him slightly, raising her anxious glance to his. 'What about the appointment you had for six-thirty?' 'There isn't one,' he laughed without the slightest sign of guilt. 'Fabricating an appointment has always helped me out of a sticky situation in the past, but I've never met anyone as determined as you.' 'Tarquin, how could you!' 'My darling,' he groaned, gathering her close in a moment of uncertainty. 'I'm not at all sure that I'm doing the right thing by asking you to marry me.' 'If you don't marry me I swear I shall remain a spinster and be eternally miserable,' she insisted, dragging his lips down to hers. Several minutes passed before Tarquin murmured urgently against her throat: 'Don't make me wait longer than I have to!'

'Darling, I'd marry you tomorrow if you demanded it,' she replied breathlessly, her eyes darkened by emotion, and her cheeks flushed from his lovemaking. 'The temptation is very strong,' he admitted, his hands beneath her coat moving excitingly and convincingly against her back. 'As my benefactor, what would you have advised?' 'As your benefactor I would have advised you to settle for a white wedding,' he said with a measure of sternness. 'It's the most important day in a girl's life.' 'Then it shall be a white wedding as my beloved benefactor advises,' she smiled, her heart in her eyes as she pressed closer to him. 'Dearest Tarquin, I adore you.' 'I swear I shall make it my task to see that you always do,' he vowed solemnly against her lips, and the intended trip to Pretoria was postponed for yet another few blissful minutes while their shadows against the wall in the dimly lit hall remained locked in a fervent embrace.