August- Scorched

Calendar Boys August: Scorched by Jamie Craig Amber Quill Press www.amberquill.com Copyright ©2008 by Jamie Craig NO...

Author: Craig Jamie

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Calendar Boys August: Scorched by Jamie Craig

Amber Quill Press www.amberquill.com

Copyright ©2008 by Jamie Craig

NOTICE: This eBook is licensed to the original purchaser only. Duplication or distribution to any person via email, floppy disk, network, print out, or any other means is a violation of International copyright law and subjects the violator to severe fines and/or imprisonment. This notice overrides the Adobe Reader permissions which are erroneous. This eBook cannot be legally lent or given to others. This eBook is displayed using 100% recycled electrons.

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CONTENTS Also By Jamie Craig CHAPTER 1 CHAPTER 2 CHAPTER 3 CHAPTER 4 CHAPTER 5 CHAPTER 6 CHAPTER 7 Jamie Craig Amber Quill's Rewards Program ****

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CALENDAR BOYS AUGUST: SCORCHED By JAMIE CRAIG **** Amber Quill Press, LLC www.amberquill.com

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Also By Jamie Craig At The Advent Of Dusk Double Down Fortune's Honor Keeping Time A Little Bit Bewitched Nowhere Man Time In A Bottle Calendar Boys, Vol. I-IV The Master Chronicles Series Calendar Boys Series, Books I-XII [Back to Table of Contents]

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CHAPTER 1 Aaron peeled the heavy coat and helmet from his overheated body without taking his eyes from the horizon. The hot, sulfuric wind had died around noon that day, and for long, terrible hours, the wildfire danced on the line between tamable and out-of-control. Dark clouds rolled over the distant hills in the mid-afternoon, and Aaron thought he heard every single man on the frontlines utter a soft, short prayer. Let the rain come. Please, let the rain come. Aaron's long shift had ended while the clouds still hovered miles away, mocking with the promise of salvation. A good rain would bring the blaze near Cedar City, Utah under control, after fifteen impossibly long days. They had managed to evacuate most of the city, but at last report, there had been at least three casualties. Aaron had never seen a wildfire like this, and he wouldn't have been surprised if there were more than three. He couldn't bring himself to go into the station. Not until he knew the path of the storm. It would be completely dispiriting if the clouds rolled by without a single drop of moisture. They didn't just need the rain for the fire, they needed a break from the relentless August heat. Temperatures in the triple digits with overnight lows in the mid-eighties was dangerous even without a fire that covered one hundred and fifty square miles. All of the men were overheated, overextended, and utterly exhausted. The storm 6


would be the first indication that maybe God knew they were there and He gave a fuck about whether or not they made it. Ashes drifted through the pink and orange atmosphere, like large, hot pieces of snow. Ash clung to everything, fine and gray. The endless perspiration didn't help. The ash and sweat mingled, creating a mixture that was almost impossible to scrape off his skin. He could not imagine a more hellish place, but he never complained. None of them ever complained. It wouldn't do any good. They inhabited that hell on Earth because they were firemen, and it was their job. Please, let it rain. Let it rain. Men streamed past him, coming and going from the rest station as the shifts changed. A few of them paused to follow Aaron's gaze, but none of them had the time to linger. The men getting off their shifts wanted to shower, eat, and catch whatever sleep they could get. The men on their way to the blaze didn't waste any time. There were thousands of volunteers stretched across the area, answering the call for help from all over the country. Aaron wished he could meet them all and thank them personally for sacrificing their time and energy for his home. He just hoped they wouldn't have to sacrifice more than two weeks. The rain might not be the answer to all their prayers. Aaron knew it. If the storm brought high winds, the situation could only be made worse. Or it could just be a thunderstorm, full of dangerous lightning with none of the welcome moisture. They didn't need the added threat of getting hit by lightning on top of the threats of flames, smoke inhalation, heat stroke, and dehydration. Even with that thought in mind, 7


Aaron still watched the clouds anxiously. Because there was a chance, a chance, that this could be everything they needed. Aaron wiped the back of his hand across his brow, smearing the dirt and sweat. A part of him thought he would never be clean again. The smoke had infused his skin and his flesh, the heat had singed his hair, despite the protective gear he wore, and exhaustion weighed on his bones. He'd been a volunteer firefighter for three years and nothing had prepared him for this. The occasional house fire was always brought quickly under control. There had been a few wildfires, but the weather had never conspired against them. He needed the rain, if only because he didn't know if he had anything left to give. He tilted his head back, watching the storm move closer and closer. Something cold fell directly in his eye, and he blinked quickly, swearing under his breath before he realized what had happened. A second drop fell on his ear. A third landed on his lips. A crack of thunder was his final warning before the clouds split open and water fell to the earth. Aaron couldn't move at first. He cupped his hand, watching it fill with sweet, cool water. The temperature hadn't dropped, but the water was still a sharp relief. Rain rolled down his arms and back and neck, and still he couldn't move. The shouts of joy from the other men outside finally roused him, and he spun on his heel, racing toward the station, the news bursting from his throat. He shouted to the men in the mess hall, who answered with cheers of their own. He passed through the locker room without pause and ran directly into the bathroom, unmindful 8


of the additional dampness from the showers—his clothes were already soaked through. He didn't stop yelling his news until he noticed just who was in the shower. Several men Aaron didn't really know, and one he knew very, very well. Xander Wescott. Icy blue eyes peered through the water running down his sculptured face. In many ways, Xander looked exactly like he had when he'd run around with Aaron's older brother in high school. His light blond hair was still cropped short, and his lashes still looked too long to belong to a guy. The past ten years had erased the softer lines of his jaw, though, now stubbled with a day's growth of beard, and bulked Xander out in other places. A light coating of hair dusted his heavily muscled chest. Washboard abs tapered down to powerful thighs. Turned sideways under the spray, he gave Aaron a good peek at the hard curve of his ass, too. For a second, Aaron forgot what it was he was so excited about. Shouts of "Hallelujah!" and "About fucking time!" rang through the communal showers. Xander smiled at him as he scrubbed some of the soap off of his body. "We're not going to have to do something stupid like make nice for the news crews, are we?" He ducked his head under the spray without looking away. "Because I'd rather go back down to the frontline and do another double shift than face them." Aaron licked his oddly dry lips. "I think you'll be fine as long as you hide in here. I don't think any of them are bold enough to hunt you down in the shower." 9


Xander snorted. "Not like the New York reporters then. They don't give a fuck where you are or who you're doing it to as long as they get their sound bite." "I'll keep that in mind if I ever go to New York." Aaron finally averted his eyes from Xander's body. The last thing he needed was to be caught staring at another man in the showers. Even if it felt like he had spent most of his life staring at Xander. "I guess I better stop standing around in my clothes like an idiot." Most of the others had vanished in light of the excellent news. Only one other man remained, and he was already hurriedly rinsing away the lather from his body. Xander gestured toward the nearly empty space, his crooked smile back on his face. "Got plenty of water now, all for ourselves. If you hurry up and get showered, maybe we can get out of here and get a beer. We haven't had a chance for you to catch me up on everything I've missed since I moved away." Xander and Aaron had been assigned to the same shift for the past week, which meant Aaron should have been accustomed to showering, eating, and sleeping in Xander's presence. Only he had pointedly avoided doing those very things, especially showering and sleeping anywhere near Xander. "You don't have to wait for me, since you're nearly done." He could have sworn he saw Xander wink before turning his back on Aaron. "I'll wait. Something tells me I better keep an eye out on you." 10


Aaron couldn't very well argue with him. With no other choice, he turned his back to Xander and pulled the tight, wet shirt over his head. The material wanted to cling to his skin, and he had to struggle to free his arms. His pants were a different matter, the jeans heavy with water. Ultimately, he had to resort to leaning against the wall to get them off, and only when the pants reached his ankles did he realize his boots were still on. Aaron wondered if he could possibly look more ridiculous if he tried. He looked up in time to see Xander watching him, unabashed amusement lighting his face. They were alone now, the voices of the other men drifting from the locker room and below. Aaron didn't remember the other guy leaving. "I really didn't think I'd have to bail you out so soon," Xander teased. Ignoring his own nudity, he knelt in front of Aaron and grasped his ankle, his strong fingers working over the soaking knots in the laces. "No wonder you guys called all of us in." Aaron automatically put his hand on Xander's shoulder to steady himself. "Please don't let the fact that I'm a doofus reflect poorly on the proud Cedar City volunteer firemen." Xander helped him ease his foot from the boot, then focused on the other set of laces. "Though I guess you already know I'm a doofus." "You certainly followed me and Eddie around enough to prove that." The second boot joined the first, followed by his jeans. Xander straightened and stepped back into his spray. 11


"Though you're not exactly a scrawny little kid anymore, are you?" "No. They wouldn't let me sign up until I got some muscles," Aaron said, keeping his gaze focused on the wall over Xander's shoulder as he stepped under the adjoining showerhead. Xander probably assumed Aaron had followed the older boys around because he was just an obnoxious little brother, and that's what little brothers did. He hoped Xander assumed that, and didn't know the truth—Aaron had just been following Xander around. Aaron reached for a bar of soap and began smoothing it over his chest, stealing a quick glance at Xander's form. He regretted that as soon as his groin began to tighten. "So, when was the last time you saw Eddie?" "About four years ago. He made it to New York for my birthday that year." Xander laughed. "I think I scared him away for good after that little bash." Aaron sought his memory, but he didn't think Eddie ever mentioned what happened at Xander's party. He and Eddie were never close, and they mostly just exchanged cards and emails around important holidays. "What happened?" Xander waved off the question with a vague sweep of his hand. "Just some friends who got a little out of control. Things play different in New York than they do around here. For all his talk, Eddie's still a Cedar City boy at heart." Aaron's eyes slid sideways, almost of their own accord. Even soft, Xander had an impressive cock. Aaron wanted to 12


slide his tongue down the ridge of his hip and the seam of his thigh. As soon as that thought invaded his head, he turned his head and focused on washing the dirt from his arms and throat. "Yeah, Eddie's always been a bit reserved." Or a judgmental prick. "I thought he would change after he moved for school, but I guess that just made him more set in his ways." And a bigger judgmental prick. "So why did you stick around?" Xander wasn't nearly as careful about keeping his attention away from Aaron. His gaze swept over him more than once, which did absolutely nothing to stifle Aaron's already raging libido. "I always thought you'd skip out of here, first chance you got." "I got a full scholarship to Southern Utah University." It was bizarre to stand there calmly talking to his first and greatest crush, while they were both naked and soapy, with his cock semi-erect. "I thought it'd be easier to get my degree here so I could stick around and help Mom. I intended to leave after I graduated last spring, but ... I don't know. I guess it's inertia." "So all you're missing is a good kick in the ass to get you moving." After rubbing his hands over his body one more time, Xander reached to turn off his flow of water. "Looks like I got here just in time." Aaron almost sighed with relief. He could finish his shower in peace. "I'm sorry it had to be a massive wildfire to get you out here."

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"Me, too." Xander clapped him on the shoulder as he walked behind him toward the lockers. "So let's make the most of it while I am, okay?" "Yeah. We'll do that," Aaron agreed weakly. He was excited, but he dreaded the thought, too. Xander had never really been his friend—he had just been the unbelievably hot, funny, cool guy that Aaron had always wanted to be. More than that, had always wanted to have. "How long are you going to stick around?" Xander stopped in the doorway, half-turned as he smiled back at Aaron. His hair stuck up in short, wet spikes, and his eyes looked even brighter, almost like they were twinkling. Aaron's gut clenched tighter, and he wondered how it was possible to crush so hard on a guy who'd effectively been out of his life for over a decade. Xander had left Cedar City after graduating high school and never looked back. It was almost a miracle he'd shown up with the rest of the other volunteers now. "Long enough," he replied. And with a small nod, he disappeared into the locker room. **** Xander did not miss Utah. He didn't miss the lack of decent fast food at one o'clock in the morning, or the moralistic attitudes on everything from religion to alcohol to sexuality. He didn't miss worrying about what people were saying about him behind his back, and he definitely didn't miss wondering how long it was before somebody said something that pushed him over the edge. 14


But when he heard about the wildfires so close to where he'd grown up, he'd volunteered to go help without blinking. He didn't miss it. But Utah was still home. Finding out Eddie's little brother was a volunteer fireman had been a surprise. He remembered Aaron Meyers as a skinny beanpole, all knees and elbows as he seemed to be everywhere Xander and Eddie happened to be. They had even caught the thirteen-year-old hiding out in Xander's trunk the night they'd gone out to celebrate Eddie's eighteenth birthday. Eddie had wanted to drop kick the boy to the side of the road, but Xander had talked him into letting him tag along. Aaron had been a good excuse to blow off the girls so determined to get into Xander's pants. Aaron wasn't a beanpole anymore. He was still long and lanky, but his shoulders had broadened and there were firm muscles on his biceps and legs. Everything about him was long, actually—hands, fingers, feet, even his cock. Xander had checked that out the first time he'd caught him in the shower. The golden cast to his skin and his dark hair and eyes were courtesy of his Mexican mother, but it was the dimple that danced in his cheek every time he shot Xander that shy smile he liked best. The men Xander knew in NYC would eat Aaron up with a spoon, and Xander would be the first in line to take a taste. Then he'd beat everybody back with the same spoon to protect the kid from them. For all his surprising maturity, Aaron still had an innocence that was irresistible. Of course, it was all moot anyway. Another reason Xander didn't miss Utah was because nobody here knew he was gay. 15


Well, Eddie knew, but considering how he'd reacted when he'd found out the truth four years earlier, Xander was pretty sure he didn't spread that particular information around. No, here he was Xander Wescott, the straight fireman from New York City. The only cock he was allowed to play with was his own. He hung out in the locker room, waiting for Aaron to finish up. Though he'd come out with a group of other New Yorkers, he wasn't in the mood to hang around them. He'd been serious about wanting to celebrate the storm with Aaron. Out of all the men he'd seen working to battle the blaze, Aaron had been one of the most diligent. It made him respect him even more. Xander didn't pretend to look elsewhere when Aaron emerged from the steamy shower room with a towel wrapped around his hips. His skin gleamed and his hair stuck up at all ends, drops of water rolling down his brow. He grabbed another towel to hook around his neck and wipe his face. "It won't take me long to dress," Aaron promised. "You're probably starving." "No rush. It's not like I'm wasting away here." "No, you're definitely not," Aaron muttered before turning his back to Xander and opening his locker. He pulled his shirt on first before allowing the towel to fall from his hips. Aaron had definitely filled out. Eddie would kill him if he knew Xander was staring at his baby brother like that. "But I feel like I might be wasting away." "That's because you burn twice as much as you take in. I'll just have to make sure to stuff you so full tonight, we have to 16


roll you home." His gaze followed the swift motion of Aaron yanking up his underwear, lingering on the taut cheeks of his ass before his shirt fell down to cover it again. Xander rose from where he lounged on the bench and ambled over to the mirror as if to check his hair, discreetly adjusting his half-hard cock along the way. "Steak and beer sound good to you? My treat. For being the bearer of good news tonight." The rain seemed to be coming in torrents, pounding on the roof, and Aaron looked up with a small grin. "I think you probably would have heard that good news one way or the other, but I'll still let you buy me a steak and beer anyway. I just hope the winds don't pick up tomorrow and set us back again." Xander let him finish getting dressed, stealing as many glances in the mirror as he could. It was going to be a long night, but frankly, he thought it'd be worth every second. Aaron was excellent company. "You're driving," he announced as they went down the back stairs. "Although I suppose I can't buy you the beer you deserve if we do that." He paused, wondering if he dared, and then decided to hell with it. "If you want, we can run out to the store and just pick up steak and beers and take 'em home. We get more for my money, and we don't have to worry about driving home afterward." Aaron licked his lips, then shrugged. "Yeah, we can do that. Come on." Xander followed him to a small Jeep, taking a moment to wipe the ash out of the seat before crawling into the passenger side. 17


"Fortunately, my place is on the other side of Cedar City. Just a bit beyond the evacuation border. There's a store on that end of town, too." Aaron turned the engine. "I know it's not New York, but I think you might be a bit surprised by how much this place has grown since you left." Xander grinned. "Aw, I haven't been that hard on the ol' place, have I? And here I thought I was being good at keeping my mouth shut." "You don't need to say anything." Aaron returned his grin. "I could tell what you were thinking. Especially since that night you came over before you left, you told Eddie you never wanted to come back." The night partially obscured Aaron's features, especially as they moved out onto the street. "You remember that? That was a lifetime ago." "Not for me. But I think that's because you've actually had another life since then, and I've been doing the same old thing." "No, you haven't. You've grown up. Grown out." Xander shifted in his seat, leaning more against the door in order to regard Aaron more steadily. "You know, you still haven't told me why you decided to be a volunteer fireman. What happened to all those big dreams you had?" "I signed up while I was still in school. As soon as I was old enough and met all the requirements, actually. I guess all that time you spent talking about being a fireman rubbed off on me." He'd known Aaron had hung around a lot, but he hadn't actually thought he'd been paying that close attention to the 18


things he said. It had always seemed a case that was half hero worship and half wishing he could do the same stuff the older boys did. A part of Xander flushed with pride that he'd pushed him in this direction. Because Aaron was a damn fine fireman. He'd do any crew proud. "Well, if you're ever looking for a full-time gig, just come on out to my station. We're always looking for good men like you." "Thanks, but I don't know if I have what it takes to turn pro. Besides, the thought of living in New York is a bit intimidating. I don't know how you went from a town this size to one of the biggest cities in the world." "Easy. Cedar City didn't have what I wanted." "In general, or did you leave looking for something specific?" "In general. The thing about New York is, you've got choices. Here ... you just don't." "Yeah, you're telling me. Though if it ever gets too stifling, we're just a couple hours from Vegas." Xander chuckled. "Too bad we're on shift tomorrow. I'd say we forget the steak and beer, and go hit the Strip." Aaron squinted into the rain. "When the fire is completely contained, I'll treat you to a whole weekend on the Strip. Things got pretty scary here before you and your crew showed up." He pulled into the Smiths' parking lot. "Why don't you choose the steaks and I'll cook them?" Xander agreed. Once they were parked, they made a dash for the front door, both laughing as they shook the rain off. Aaron headed off to get beer—under Xander's express orders 19


to get lots of the good stuff—while he went out and picked two of the biggest boneless rib eyes he could find. On a whim, he grabbed some ice cream before heading up to the checkout. Even with the rain, the cold would be welcome. It was still pouring when they got back to the car, and even harder when Aaron pulled into the parking structure for his apartment. "Lead the way," Xander said, taking all the grocery bags before Aaron could argue. "I'm starving." Aaron led him to the second floor of a nearby building, unlocking the right of two identical blue doors. "I should warn you," Aaron said as he pushed the door open, "I have a dog." Xander was about to tell him that dogs were fine, but the words were cut off by a black cannonball rushing toward him, floppy ears flying, giant paws slamming against the hardwood floor, red tongue lolling from a giant doggy grin. Xander barely had time to brace himself, but the puppy never reached him. Aaron snagged the collar with practiced ease and forced the beast to stop. "Sit, Honey." Aaron's voice was firm and the dog responded immediately. "You should have said something at Smiths." With a delighted grin, Xander set aside the groceries in order to crouch down to meet Honey at eye level. "I would've gotten this beauty a steak of her own." Honey tried to lick his face, but a sharp jerk from Aaron made her sit down again. "My girl doesn't need a steak, but she does need a walk. Do you mind if I take her out real quick?" 20


"No." He straightened, though he kept his hand on the top of her head, scratching at her ears. "You do that, and I'll take care of the food." "Thanks. You should be able to find everything you need in the kitchen." Aaron reached for the leash hanging by the door, and Honey began prancing around, her toes clicking against the linoleum, her tail wagging furiously. It seemed she didn't mind that it was raining the proverbial cats and dogs. Aaron didn't seem to mind, either. He pulled on a jacket, then flung the door open with an excited, "Come on, Honey-girl, let's go for a walk." Xander smiled and gathered up the groceries he had set aside. Moving deeper in the apartment, he expected to find the signs of a puppy in the household—destroyed shoes and carpeting, scratches on doors, maybe even an indication that she had been waiting too long for her walk, but Honey was apparently a very well-behaved puppy. Xander began unpacking the bags and learning his way around Aaron's narrow kitchen. Aaron's quick walk ended up taking nearly thirty minutes, and by the time he returned, the steaks were cooked and rested, the beer was chilling, and Xander had big potatoes in the microwave. "Sorry it took so long." Aaron called from the entrance. "She had a lot of energy." "No problem! Just have a seat, and dinner will be right out!" Xander didn't wait for him to protest. By the time he carried out the plates, long necked bottles tucked between his 21


fingers, Aaron sat at the small dining room table with Honey stretched out on the floor beside him, her tail thumping against the floor. "You need anything other than butter and sour cream for your potato?" "No, that's perfect." Aaron ran his hands through his damp hair and smiled. "Does the smell of wet dog bother you? I can put her in the bathroom." "No, let her stay. She's gorgeous." He took the chair next to Aaron rather than opposite, knowing it was risky to sit so close when he was already so tempted by the younger man. "How long have you had her?" "I found her at the animal rescue about five months ago. She was just a little thing, but she was already scared of pretty much everybody. I don't know how somebody could abuse such a sweet girl. They didn't want to give her to me at first because I live in an apartment, but I convinced them I'd take good care of her." "That probably wasn't too hard." Xander dug into his steak, his stomach growling. "One look at that face and who could say no to you?" "I could think of a few who have. Probably a few more who would if I tried anything." Aaron took a bite of his meat, his eyes closing with delight. "Oh, my God, who taught you how to cook rib eye?" "An old—friend," he finished. Boyfriend had almost slipped out. His guard was down. Being around Aaron was relaxing him too much. He was going to have to be careful with the beer. "No wonder you're so skinny. Nobody feeds you good 22


food. Your mom hasn't tried hooking you up with some girl who can cook?" "She's tried," Aaron said mildly, "but it never works out the way she hopes. Besides, most of the girls around here got married right out of high school, and I was never ... marriage material." "College boy. Good looking. Real life hero." He chewed thoughtfully at his steak, unable to take his eyes off Aaron as the man ate. "Which part of that isn't marriage material?" "I guess the part that never gets around to asking anybody out. Going on a date is an important first step." Aaron took a deep swallow from his beer. "Though if first dates were usually like this, I might go out on more." His eyes widened. "Not that I think this is a ... I just ... meant this is a good steak." Xander chuckled. He would have loved to think this was a date, but Aaron's high color was enough to make him back off on the kid. He was a product of his environment. Xander had to remember he was back in Utah now. Being this loose didn't play out of Manhattan. They talked about the station and the fire over the first beer, Honey and Broadway over the second. On the third, Xander talked him into leaving the dirty dishes for later, and grabbed two spoons and the ice cream container to carry over to the short couch. "Any more beer, and I'm going to have to crash here tonight," he said, handing over one of the spoons. Aaron stretched his impossibly long legs in front of him. His pants were still damp from his jog with Honey, and his 23


shirt clung to his broad shoulders and chest. He might as well have been sitting there naked. "I bet this couch is more comfortable than where they've got you sleeping." Xander peeled the lid off the ice cream, tossing it onto the coffee table. "They've got me sharing with three other guys, two of whom are smokers." He rolled his eyes. "Apparently, I'm the only one who thinks it's ironic that firemen smoke." Aaron winced in sympathy. "Maybe they figure it doesn't make a big difference after all the smoke they inhale while on the job." He leaned over with a boyish grin, and dug into the tin roof sundae flavored ice cream. "I don't suppose you remembered this was my favorite?" "How am I supposed to forget?" He deliberately took half of what was on Aaron's spoon. "You always stole mine when I bought it." "Sorry 'bout that." The spoon disappeared in Aaron's mouth, a smudge of chocolate on the corner of his lips. "But you never bought any for me. What was I supposed to do?" There was a lot Xander wished he would do right then, but all he could do was sit and watch as Aaron took another bite. His throat was dry, his body tense. He shouldn't have had the third beer. All he could think about now was that dark smear glistening on Aaron's mouth. "You don't want to go change or anything?" He gestured toward Aaron's damp clothes. "You look..." Delicious. Tempting. Off limits. Abruptly, he set the ice cream down and stood. "I need another beer. You want one?" 24


"Sure, sounds good." Aaron slid lower on the couch and rested his head on the back. "I'm a bit cold, but honestly, it feels good. There was a point this morning I thought my skin was literally going to melt." He accepted the beer Xander brought him and twisted the top off. "I've got some stronger stuff, if you want it." The bottle was cold on Xander's fingertips, but he welcomed the chill. Everything that Aaron did was going straight to his cock. At this rate, he was going to have to jerk off before going to sleep, or he'd be tossing and turning with a hard-on all night. "No, but I think I'm done with the ice cream. You can have the rest." Strong fingers closed around Xander's wrist, and Aaron yanked, pulling him down to the couch. "That's not fair. You hardly had any at all. Here." He scooped a spoonful out and held it up to Xander's lips. Danger! Danger, Will Robinson! Xander didn't look at the ice cream. He couldn't look away from Aaron's liquid eyes. Don't open your mouth, moron. Don't do it. Don't eat the— His lips closed around the spoon, the sweet treat melting on his tongue. Sucker. "You need a girlfriend," he blurted. Aaron blinked, like that was the last thing he expected Xander to say, and lowered the spoon. "Why do you say that?"

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Because it'll be easier to not look at you as my own special treat if I know you've got a nice girl waiting for you in the wings. "Because you're a good guy," he said instead. "Look at how you take care of Honey. How you've invited me in like I never even left. You deserve to have someone who appreciates that. Who deserves it." "There isn't anybody around here for me." He took a swallow of beer, then wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, cleaning away that bit of chocolate. "There was ... but I should probably give up carrying that particular torch." Xander saw the opening and went for it. This would be his good deed. Make things up with Eddie by getting his baby brother settled into a happy life. And get the gorgeous young man out of his head for good by pushing him into a woman's arms. "Why?" He slid closer, his knee pressing into Aaron's thigh. "Stop being so scared. You've got a lot to offer anyone. If she's not around and you want her, go after her." Aaron jumped to his feet, and Honey mimicked him, her eyes and ears suddenly alert and trained on her master. "I think I'm going to turn in. It's been a really long day. There are some blankets behind the couch if you want them." Disappointment slashed through him, but Xander stretched back out on the couch and nodded. It was better this way. "Thanks for letting me crash here. My lungs are grateful." "No problem." Aaron began to move away, snapping his fingers so Honey would follow. "Help yourself to anything you need. There's a spare toothbrush in the bathroom, too." 26


Xander winked as he toed off his shoes. "I see you haven't forgotten about my morning breath, either." Aaron snorted. "I could smell it across the breakfast table every time you stayed over. Say goodnight, Honey." The puppy made a soft sound that wasn't quite a bark or a growl. Aaron gave her an approving pat before nodding at Xander. "Don't let the bed bugs bite." I'd let you, if you asked. But he didn't say it aloud. He just smiled and said good night. Sleep was a long time coming. [Back to Table of Contents]

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CHAPTER 2 Aaron knew he should never let Honey jump on his bed—it was very important to keep the proper boundaries with a dog like her—but he couldn't ignore those brown, hopeful eyes. As soon as he settled under the blankets, he snapped his fingers and she jumped on the bed, curling into his side, resting her head on his chest. She couldn't have been any closer, and Aaron's heart twisted a little for the puppy. She wasn't ever going to have enough love or attention. But at that point, her neediness didn't bother him. He was feeling just as needy. He didn't understand what Xander wanted from him, or what he had been playing at. Most of the people in his life— his mom, his cousins, the other volunteer firemen, Eddie when they were speaking—tried to push nice young women on him. Always for his own sake and happiness, of course. Like they could simply sense something was wrong with him, and if he stuck his penis in a nice girl's vagina, everything would be fixed. For some reason, he hadn't expected that same sort of thing from Xander. Or maybe he had just hoped for a different attitude. Maybe Xander had noticed the way Aaron stared at him. Or the near hard-on he had in the shower. Or maybe he just gave off some sort of queer signal and Xander was only trying to help. Aaron didn't know. All he knew was that he hadn't felt so stupid and confused in front of anybody since the last time he saw Xander, and at least then he had the excuse of being fourteen. Fourteen28


year-olds were stupid and confused by default. It didn't help that he could still feel the pressure and warmth from Xander's knee against his thigh. It had been the very definition of casual contact, but any contact at all sent signals directly to his cock. Confused and aroused was an awkward sensation, but it seemed to define most of his sexual life. Instead of sleeping, Aaron petted the soft fur behind Honey's ear and thought about Xander, the boy he had been and the man he was now. Spending the evening with Xander had only confirmed that Aaron hadn't been wrong to lust after Xander and carry that torch for a decade—he was exactly as hot and funny and kind as Aaron had always remembered. Not that it mattered, because Xander seemed determined to join the long line of people obsessed with Aaron's sex life—or lack thereof—for all the wrong reasons. The rain didn't stop. Aaron didn't understand where all the rain came from in an area that only got ten inches of rain per year. Maybe God owed all the Mormons a favor and the deluge was meant to appease them. Maybe it had something to do with global warming. Aaron was just happy it didn't let up. No wildfire could withstand that much water. Except that meant Xander would go home. Which was probably for the best, but chances were he'd never see the other man again. There would be a lot of miles—and a lot more than that— separating them when Xander went home. Aaron's thoughts chased themselves like Honey chasing her own tail. He sighed with relief when the puppy finally jumped from the bed and scratched at the door, demanding to be let out. A walk would be good for both of them—even if 29


that meant taking a walk in the dark, and the wind, and the rain, with the occasional flash of lightning. It was almost four. He could be back, showered, changed, and calm by the time Xander woke. "Okay, we can go for a walk," Aaron murmured, "but you have to be quiet about it." But when Aaron opened the bedroom door, Honey ran toward the couch instead of the front door. He tried to intercept her, but she was just too fast. By the time he rounded the corner to the living room, she already had her paws on Xander's chest, licking his face. Xander's bare chest. To go with the almost bare rest of him. Maybe in some attempt to get comfortable—or maybe because God was offering a two-for-one deal and decided to add tormenting Aaron to his local deeds for the night—Xander had stripped out of his clothes. All he wore was a pair of black boxer briefs that outlined not only his cock but also his heavy balls, the molded fabric drawing attention to the line of hair that disappeared beneath the waistband. The man was also wide awake, his intense eyes jumping immediately to Aaron to pin him in place at the entrance. "Looks like somebody else couldn't sleep, either," Xander commented. "Honey, heel." He wrapped his fingers around her collar and pulled her back. "I'm sorry. I thought she wanted to go out. I didn't think she was going to come in here and ... attack you. Well, I guess lick you to death would be a better description." 30


Xander's mouth slanted. "Well, if it makes a difference, as far as ways to go, I have to say licking to death is probably the best. I wasn't asleep anyway." "Oh, that's good. I mean, it's not good you weren't asleep. Is something keeping you awake?" "No." He folded his arm over his head, stretching the muscle so that Aaron had no choice but to look at it. "I'm just wound up." Aaron couldn't tear his gaze away from Xander's body. He didn't want to. He just wanted to hoard all the details he could so he could return to them later. "Why? Is there anything I can do?" Xander sighed. It wasn't a deep sigh, nor a loud one, but Aaron saw every flex of muscle, heard every whisper of air, as if Xander was standing right next to him and breathed directly in his ear. "Don't ask questions you don't want the answer to," he warned softly. "Because I'm just about to the point where I'll say exactly what I'm thinking, and I'd really rather not lose you as a friend, too." For as long as Aaron had known Xander, he wanted to know Xander. He had always been too young, just an awkward kid all elbows and knees. And for a moment, he almost felt like that kid again. But he wasn't too young to know Xander now. He wasn't a kid out of his depth. He didn't want to be pushed out anymore. "I do want to know the answer. It won't change our friendship." 31


"That's what Eddie said." Xander's eyes drifted shut. "Then he saw me actually kissing my boyfriend and everything went all to hell." Aaron almost fell down. Instead of hitting the floor, he made it to the arm of the couch and sat heavily. Honey pressed her nose under his hand, seeking attention, but he barely noticed her. "Your boyfriend? You have a boyfriend?" His arm shifted, covering the top half of his face. "Well, I did. At the time. Not currently, which is probably good considering the kinds of thoughts I've been having all week." Keep it together. Keep it together. He felt lightheaded and flushed. Just because he once had a boyfriend doesn't mean he'd want you. But that logic didn't seem to matter. Aaron was trembling, and not just from arousal. For the first time in his life, he knew somebody who would understand. Just saying the words aloud would relieve the weight on his shoulders. "I ... Xander, I don't even know where to start. I mean, I had no idea. None at all. Maybe I should have. But ... what kinds of thoughts have you been having?" "Bad ones." His nostrils flared. As Aaron watched, Xander's abs twitched. He was tense, as tense as Aaron was rubbery. "Thoughts that mean I really should've gotten laid before I left New York so I wouldn't be nearly as horny as I've been." The hand stretched out at his side rubbed over his leg, drawing attention to the thick line of his cock. The waistband bulged from the hard tip nearly poking free, and this close, 32


Aaron could see a small wet spot where Xander had leaked. "Told you, you wouldn't want to know." Aaron wanted to open his mouth and tell Xander everything. But years of silence had programmed him to hold his tongue, and now he wasn't sure what to say. Could he blurt I'm gay, too? He had no way of knowing that Xander's so-called bad thoughts had anything to do with him, but they were both there. Aaron's fingers felt numb. Actions would speak louder than words. One simple gesture would convey to Xander what he wanted, and would give Xander the chance to accept that or rebuff him. One simple gesture. Aaron ran his fingers over the back of Xander's hand, then hooked his fingers around the waistband of Xander's boxer briefs. He froze as soon as Xander moved the arm away from his face. Icy blue eyes gazed up at him, heavy lidded but oddly soft. They almost seemed to plead with him, to beg him ... for what? He didn't know. But then Xander swallowed, and Aaron's prick jumped, and a large, warm hand covered his. "Eddie would kill me if he knew I'd wondered what it would feel like to shoot down your throat," he murmured. "Or if I'd ever know how tight your legs could hold on while I pounded into your ass. So don't do something I can't stop just because of old times, or you're relieved about a little rain. I don't play those games." The more Xander spoke, the more Aaron ached. "Listen, I ... I've been carrying a torch for you." The words came out of him in a rush, but he knew he needed to say something. 33


"Maybe that's pathetic, since it's been so long since you left for New York. I don't know. I just know that I'm really, really happy to see you again. And I want you to come to bed with me." Xander tightened his fingers over Aaron's, but he used the hold to move it away from his waist as he sat up, not to pull Aaron down on top of him or use him as leverage to rise to his feet. At least he didn't let go. The heat pouring off his fingers was as much as anything he'd felt during the worst of the wildfires, and for once, Aaron actually wanted more. "You're such a sweet kid." The way he half-muttered it meant he was probably saying it more to himself than for Aaron's ears. "I should get out of here before I make things even worse." Aaron wanted to think he had some pride. He wasn't going to beg Xander not to leave. He wasn't going to plead with him to get off the couch and move to the bedroom. But he'd hate himself forever if he let Xander just leave. "Worse? Things have to be bad to get worse. And nothing you said sounded bad to me." "Have you ever ... been with a guy before? Because this isn't a game to me." He released Aaron's hand and swung his legs around, leaning his forearms against his knees as he stared down at the floor. "I left Utah because I'm gay, you know. I'm not bi, or just some horndog who gets whatever tail he can get his hands on. And I know you always had that hero worship thing for me and Eddie. That's what little brothers do. But that was then and this is now, and you don't have to do that anymore. You do, and it gets fucked up in my 34


head because I don't look at you the way the rest of the guys at the station look at you." Aaron slid down the arm of the couch to sit beside Xander. "I've been with guys before. Not many, because there aren't many to choose from around here. I'm ... I'm gay, too. And I don't have the same hero worship for you that I used to." Aaron smiled. "It's a different sort of hero worship." Xander made a sound that was half laugh, half snort before his gaze shifted sideways. The way he drank Aaron in now made him wonder if maybe he'd been blind to Xander checking him out before. Slowly, so slowly Aaron felt every second weigh heavy on his skin, Xander leaned closer, his head tilting only at the very last moment. His shoulder pressed against Aaron's, his hard thigh even more so, but it was the almost gentle way he brushed his lips over Aaron's— a whisper of a touch that shouldn't have been nearly as exciting as it was—that Aaron felt the most. "I've been jerking off all week, thinking about you," Xander breathed. "I even almost went down on you in the shower when you couldn't get off your shoes." Aaron whimpered softly at that, quite certain that if Xander had tried to give him a blow job, Aaron would have passed out from the shock. Xander touched Aaron's lips again, the contact as fleeting as before, and his mouth watered for more. He couldn't remember the last time he had been so hard—he'd probably come as soon as Xander touched his cock. "I can't believe you didn't notice the way I've been staring at you." Aaron ghosted his fingers down Xander's muscled 35


arms, his own body quivering at the light contact. "I feel like that's all I've been doing." "Maybe I'm just too used to Eddie's little brother watching me to tell the difference," he teased. "Except you're not just that anymore." His shoulders shifted, and he stretched his arm across Aaron's to rest a broad hand at the back of his neck. "Last chance to tell me to stop. We risk fucking with our friendship if I kiss you the way I want." Aaron understood the risk, but they hardly had a close friendship for the ages. They hadn't spoken in the past decade, and though the past week had renewed the connection they had, Aaron never thought Xander intended to keep up that connection once he went back to New York. At that moment, he had nothing to lose and everything to gain. "I'm not going to tell you to stop." The strength in the fingers that gripped his nape sent an array of shivers over his already too-tight skin. Xander used the hold to pull Aaron closer, and he was practically in the other man's lap before their mouths made contact again. The kiss this time wasn't a test. It wasn't a warning. Rough stubble burned Aaron's lips as Xander pushed his tongue past his nonexistent defenses, sure and sweeping as he sought out every warm recess Aaron had to offer. Aaron had several fantasies about kissing Xander, but the reality pushed them all firmly from his mind. Xander controlled the caress, and Aaron was all too happy to oblige him, responding to each change and following his lead. Nobody had ever kissed Aaron like he was so hungry for it, and no kiss had ever sent Aaron so close to the breaking 36


point. Xander massaged Aaron's neck, his fingers flexing and relaxing against his tense muscles, forcing him into near immobility as the kiss deepened further. When Xander's other hand stole around Aaron's waist, Aaron didn't put up a fight when he pulled Aaron the rest of the way across his thighs. He'd seen the other man's erection, of course. He would have touched it if Xander hadn't stopped him earlier. But feeling the thick line now pressed against his buttocks, along with the rough scrape of hair across his skin as Xander molded their chests together, had Aaron ready to bend over, lay back, contort into whatever position Xander wanted in order to get that throbbing length buried in his ass. Aaron slid his arms beneath Xander's and hooked his hands over Xander's shoulders, holding him as tight as he could. Xander hadn't given any hint of breaking the kiss, and nothing short of a fire would force Aaron from the other man's mouth. His arousal grew with each second, and he automatically began rocking against Xander, trying to ease the growing pressure in his groin. That seemed to be the impetus Xander needed. Panting for air, he broke off, his eyes dark with desire as he stared at Aaron. "You said something about a bed earlier." Aaron's smile felt too big and goofy on his face, but he didn't care. "Yeah. It's big enough for both of us." With a nod, Xander eased the embrace, though he didn't let go of Aaron completely as they rose from the couch. Honey immediately appeared in front of them, blocking their path. When her tail thumped in excitement, Xander grinned. 37


"Is she going to be pissed if she doesn't get to sleep with you tonight?" "I usually don't let her sleep on my bed." He pointed to the thick mat in the corner of the room. "Bed, Honey." She stared at him with the same excited look in her eye, and he pointed again. "Bed." With what could only be described as a sigh, she obeyed him and padded over to her corner. "Come on, let's get in there before she decides she'd rather race us to the bedroom." Xander kept their fingers entangled as Aaron led him down the hall. The soft click of the door behind them echoed through Aaron's flesh. "I guess if I have to share you with a girl, I could do worse than Honey." Wrapping his arm around Aaron's waist, Xander pressed into his back and licked along his neck, nibbling every other inch. His mouth ended at Aaron's ear, his breath hot and rapid. "Though I'd rather not share you at all." Chills raced down Aaron's back, rebounded, and moved up his spine again. He was just grateful that Xander had a strong arm around him, because his legs were threatening to give out. Tilting his head back, he sought out Xander's mouth again, shivering at the first hint of stubble against his skin. He was never going to get enough of Xander's mouth, or his tongue, or the soft moans he made when Aaron's teeth caught on his lips. Xander must have moved them because Aaron certainly never regained control enough to do it. When the edge of the mattress nudged against his legs, Aaron swayed against Xander's chest, only to be pushed forward onto the bed. 38


Xander didn't join him. As Aaron rolled and reached to tug at his arm, Xander took a step back and pushed at his underwear. "If you don't want those ripped off..." Xander nodded toward Aaron's loose sweats. "...I suggest you get them off before I get in there with you." Aaron pushed the sweats down his hips and kicked them off his legs. He was just happy he didn't need to ask for help once again. He never took his eyes from Xander's body. Now that he could stare openly, he couldn't get his fill of it. "Now you can get in here with me." Xander's cock was fully erect, his balls heavier than Aaron had ever seen them before. His mouth watered when Xander tossed aside his underwear and the thick length bobbed with the swing of his arm. There was even pre-come glistening at the tip already, though the fact that he'd been dripping out in the living room shouldn't have made that nearly as surprising as it was. Aaron itched to reach out and touch, but the hungry weight of Xander's gaze kept him locked in place. The mattress bowed as Xander climbed on. His hand went to Aaron's hip, and with a firm but gentle grip, he pushed Aaron onto his side. The fingertips massaged the tense muscle, but everything went lax the moment he molded along Aaron's back again. Nothing came between them now. The long line of Xander's cock nestled between Aaron's cheeks, and the hand that moved him into position now tickled down Aaron's stomach to caress his shaft.

39


"When did you know you were gay?" The hushed question floated across his ear, Xander's mouth skimming along his neck, his jaw, even his earlobe. Aaron swallowed, trying to wet his dry tongue and throat. He wanted to turn around and indulge in another long kiss, but he was too comfortable, too secure, against Xander's broader body. "I knew when I developed my first crush on another guy. I was thirteen, and I thought you were the most wonderful thing I had ever seen." Warm breath had never felt so exquisite against his skin. "Crushes are like that. You never see the bad for the good." His hand drifted lower, cupping Aaron's balls while his thumb combed through the dark hair at the base of his cock. "I was a coward. I knew I was gay, but I was too chickenshit to do anything here. And it took me nearly a year after I moved to New York before I had the nerve to ask another guy out. You've got me beat by a mile." "I ... doubt it." Aaron closed his eyes, a wave of pleasure following each flex of Xander's fingers. He rested his hand on Xander's hip, thrilled by the texture and the heat of his skin. "The guys I've been with ... were mostly just one-night stands. At least you had the nerve to leave, find some place better." "Never been in love?" Aaron wasn't sure, but he didn't think his utter infatuation with Xander counted as being in love. "No. Never. Have you?" "Yes. Once. The guy I introduced Eddie to." His fingers pushed past Aaron's sac to find the sensitive skin behind it. 40


Only the clamp of Xander's arm kept Aaron from lifting his leg and exposing his hole to silently urge Xander to explore deeper. "I thought he was it. You know. Forever. That's why I got the nerve up to tell Eddie about us. But Eddie ... didn't take it well. I couldn't let go of trying to get him to understand, and it ended up driving me and my boyfriend apart." "That's why Eddie doesn't know about me. He just knows there's something..." Aaron lost the thread of his thought as Xander's nail scraped across the back of his balls. "Something different about me. Something he doesn't understand." He cried out when Xander latched his mouth onto his shoulder, suddenly sucking hard. The arms around him went steel, only relaxing a moment later to allow Xander flexibility to slide up and fist Aaron's arousal. "Nothing wrong, though," Xander rasped. "Fuck, Aaron, there is nothing wrong about you at all." Xander's grip was tight around Aaron's length, his fingers like small, steel bands. Aaron wanted to thrust against his hand, but Xander wouldn't let him move that much. So he concentrated on his words instead of his grip, warmed by the tone as much as the sentiment. If Xander kept this up, Aaron thought he would have to reevaluate his answer to the earlier question about being in love. "That mean I'm not the same doofus I was before?" The warm rumble of Xander's chuckle vibrated through Aaron's back. "Your words, never mine." Aaron smiled. "Yeah, I guess that's true. Can I turn around? I want to touch you, too." 41


"You are touching me." His body began to move then, small rocking motions that slid his cock up and down the crack of Aaron's ass. Xander finally moved his hand, too, and though his grasp remained firm, each stroke ran the entire length of Aaron's shaft. Across the wet tip. Pushing against his balls. Back up to constrict beneath the flared crown. "It's been so long since I could just hold somebody like this," Xander said softly. "I've missed it. And I'm glad it's you." Aaron had hoped for more contact, but as soon as Xander started moving, he changed his mind. He didn't quite know what Xander was doing to him, except that it didn't just feel good physically. "Nobody ever has ... held me like this," Aaron admitted. "Really?" His mouth was back on Aaron's neck, nibbling and kissing until he felt like one giant quiver. "Well, I guess if you've never had a serious relationship, you might not have. This is my favorite way to fall asleep." "If I had known that, I wouldn't have tried to make you sleep on the couch." "You didn't know I was gay. You didn't want to get decked." The rocking had fallen into the same rhythm as the pulls on Aaron's shaft, long sensuous glides that hid dark promises of so much more. Every once in a while, the wet tip of Xander's cock would catch on Aaron's skin, and the harder skid across his flesh made his heart thud a little more wildly. 42


"I won't be falling asleep just yet, though," Xander continued. "In case you were wondering." "Oh, thank God." The beer had given Aaron a pleasant buzz, but now he was beginning to feel completely intoxicated, like Xander had plied him with hard alcohol. The room tilted, his body was flushed, he tingled everywhere, and he felt distant from his own body. All because of Xander's hand and his flesh and his firm skin. All because of Xander's breath on his ear, and the low sound of his voice. "I don't understand why you don't have a boyfriend waiting for you," Aaron said. "I work a lot of hours." The tip of his tongue traced the upper curve of Aaron's ear, dipping inside for a split second to send tingles down his spine. "I have a dangerous job I have no intention of giving up until I absolutely have to." Xander added a new movement to his strokes along Aaron's cock— flicking his thumbnail across the slit every time he reached the head. "Guys who are looking for commitment usually want a little more stability than what I can offer, and the ones who aren't ... don't really interest me that much." Aaron's body tightened from the bottom of his feet to his groin. He didn't want these amazing sensations to end, but if Xander kept that up, Aaron wouldn't last much longer. "I guess ... you already had a chance to sow those wild oats?" "You tell me." His breathing was more ragged, faster, hotter, burning everywhere it reached. Grunts came with each rocking motion against Aaron's ass now, and the hand 43


around his cock constricted even more. "I ever strike you as a fuck 'em and leave 'em kind of guy?" The honest answer was no. His view of Xander might have been colored by his crush on the older man, but Xander had never been a distant figure sitting on a pedestal, all perfection with no flaws. Aaron had known Xander for most of his life, and had spent as much time as physically possible with him. The past week had just cemented several of Xander's positive qualities. At the top of that list was the fact that Xander was not the sort of guy who only cared about his own gratification. "Never. Not for a moment." It must have been the only answer Xander wanted. He finished speaking, his mouth latching back onto the softest section of Aaron's shoulder he could reach and sucking as hard as he could. The tip of his tongue danced over the skin, everything inside Aaron rushing upward and out to meet the fragile barrier. There was going to be one hell of a hickey there in the morning, but Aaron didn't care, couldn't think about anything at all as Xander sped up his tight strokes. Against his ass, the friction of cock to cheek grew almost unbearable. What would it feel like to have it buried inside him? Aaron ached to find out. It wouldn't be this time, though. Teeth sank into shoulder as a gargled cry came from Xander's throat. The other man's cock throbbed, then jerked, shooting warm come up along Aaron's spine. It smeared across both of their skin, but all that managed to do was slick the rubbing between them. Because Xander didn't stop his 44


bruising strokes along Aaron's length. In that second, he knew Xander wouldn't until Aaron came. "God ... oh God ... oh ... fuck." His back and limbs stiffened as his balls pulled tight. His cock twitched and then come covered Xander's hand. Aaron opened his eyes then, watching as string after string coated Xander's fingers, and Aaron's own thigh and the bed. God, I'm with Xander Wescott. The thought was enough to send another rush of pleasure through him, and he shuddered before all the tension left his body. Xander slowed, gentled, licked over the spot he'd bit before finally easing everywhere. "Wait here," he whispered in Aaron's ear. Before Aaron could stop him, the bed tilted and Xander was up. He turned around in time to see him disappear through the doorway. From the bathroom came the sound of running water. While the throb began to settle in Aaron's muscles, a shadow darkened the door again, Xander's outline becoming clear as he returned to the bed. He rested a single hand on Aaron's shoulder, keeping him on his side as he tenderly washed away the come from Aaron's back. The cloth was cooling already when he pushed him flat and proceeded to clean up the fluid on his skin. "I can't do anything about the sheets." His teeth flashed in the dark; he was smiling. "But please don't say we have to change them before getting some sleep. I'm beat." Aaron was barely aware they were on sheets. "Don't worry about it." He tugged on Xander's hand, pulling him down until 45


their mouths were even. "Not too beat for one more kiss I hope." "Never." The warm breath washed over him in the moment before the kiss he craved overtook him, Xander's arms wrapping around Aaron and tugging until he was half on top of him. The wall of solid muscle beneath his body made his cock twitch again, but it was the deliberate care in Xander's lips and tongue that had him melting against the other man. Xander was the one who sounded breathless when they parted, though he cradled the back of Aaron's head and kept him as close as possible. "So no regrets?" he asked softly. "No." Aaron sighed, his lips brushing against Xander's. "No regrets. Unless you count the fact that I almost let you stay on that couch all night." "You couldn't know," Xander reiterated. "Though now I feel like asking if you're going to make me stay at the hotel the rest of the time I'm in town." "Are you kidding? We're going to stop by there when our shift ends and pick up your stuff." "And if anybody gives you a hard time about it, just say it's old friends reconnecting." Aaron nodded. He hadn't thought about anybody giving them a hard time—though he should have. He was just too wrapped up in the reality of being in Xander's arms. He didn't want to deal with other realities. Like their fellow firefighters giving them a hard time. Or the fact that Xander lived two thousand miles away. 46


No, Aaron would focus on Xander's arms and his mouth and nothing else. [Back to Table of Contents]

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CHAPTER 3 Though the rains stopped before they woke up, Xander never thought of it as bad luck. Maybe it wasn't best for the wildfires, but the rain had certainly done its share of fighting them. It meant he and Aaron could pair up and spend the day together, away from the frontline as they worked with techs to locate and contain the hotspots. There was no time for talking, if it didn't concern the fires. And there was no room for touching, unless it was casual brushes against the other's arm or uniform. It was satisfying, nonetheless. He'd never thought Aaron was gay. That little tidbit of information was the single most important detail he'd gained since coming to Utah. In hindsight, it didn't really explain all that much, but now, with that precious knowledge, it meant it was perfectly safe to foster the attraction. He'd been absolutely right in how good it would be to touch and kiss Aaron, but he'd missed the mark completely on how much he'd enjoy just holding him. It wasn't until he'd felt that long body nestled against his that Xander realized just how well they fit together, how much he'd missed that intimate contact. The fact that Aaron didn't fight it meant even more. They'd fallen asleep with Xander spooned behind him, and they'd woken up with Aaron asleep atop him. Neither wanted to separate. Neither wanted to get out of bed and face the day. They did what they had to, though, because the sun peeking through the turbulent clouds meant 48


the heat was likely to return. With the heat came fire. With fire came them. The air was thick and smoky when they stopped for a midday break. Xander peeled off his helmet and tossed it in the back of the truck, grabbing his water to gulp it down. Out of the corner of his eye, he watched Aaron take off his gloves. His skin itched to feel Aaron's long fingers. "So what're we doing after we grab my stuff tonight?" he asked, keeping his voice pitched low. The two techs were in the other vehicle, taking the infrared readings from the copters overhead and translating them into coordinates for Xander and Aaron to track. They had some privacy, but that still didn't mean they needed to broadcast any unwanted information. Aaron tilted his head. "Besides getting some food?" Xander shrugged. "I didn't know if there was anything you had in mind." He paused. He'd been considering this all morning, but now that his opening had come, he was oddly nervous. "I thought ... well, you probably haven't had a chance to go out on too many dates, right?" Aaron's grin was almost shy. "No, not too many. I went to a movie once with a guy I liked, but it turned out he was straight. Long story." "So how would you like to do something like that? You and me, I mean. Maybe get some experience under your belt." Aaron's grin turned into a full smile. "You're asking me on a date?" "Sure. I was thinking maybe we go grab some dinner and then see what the Shakespeare Festival has going on 49


tonight." It was easy to return Aaron's smile now that it was obvious he liked the idea. "It's not quite Shakespeare in the Park, but I don't remember it being that bad." "I would love to do that. But now the rest of this shift is going to last an eternity." One of the techs emerged from the other truck, a GPS in his hand. Xander capped his water and put it back in the case. "Nah, we're not going to have time to think about it. Looks like we got another hotspot to take care of." "Yeah, I know the feeling," Aaron murmured. Though he didn't respond, Xander couldn't hold back his smile as they walked out and met up with the tech. Aaron might feel like the afternoon would take forever, but the world had just gotten a lot lighter for Xander. He didn't have to worry for the next five hours about whether or not Aaron was only interested in no strings sex, or satisfying a longtime infatuation, or done with him entirely. He'd couched the suggestion as a means of helping Aaron know what a real date could feel like, and while that was definitely part of his rationale, the reality of having a date with him had Xander flying. There might have been more smoke that afternoon. There were definitely higher temperatures. He remembered a few minor blazes, but when they pulled back into the station, all Xander could think about was the night to come ahead. "Quick showers, and then we're out of here." He winked. "Unless you've changed your mind about dinner." "I definitely haven't changed my mind about dinner." Aaron stepped closer and lowered his voice. "Though I don't 50


think I can take a quick shower with you nearby. Too distracting." Xander grinned. "So don't look." "I've been trying that for the past week. I haven't been successful yet." Shoving the younger man playfully toward the showers, Xander veered off toward the lockers. "You go first then. Something tells me you're not going to dawdle." "Definitely not." Aaron seemed to have as much energy as his puppy as he hurried to the showers, and Xander even heard him whistling over the roar of the water. If he stood in just the right spot, he could see the side of Aaron's body through the door to the shower room, but there were too many people around to stand there for very long. It took Aaron just over seven minutes, according to the big, red numbers on the digital clock above the lockers. Their eyes caught when Aaron stepped into the locker room, a towel hanging around his hips, and he responded with the same shy grin from before. He could've stuck around and chatted with Aaron while he got dressed, but Xander knew three things. One, talking to Aaron while semi-naked would likely have the same effect as being in the shower with him. Two, any conversation they would have would have to be monitored closely in order to keep the issue of their sexuality private from the other guys.

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And three, Xander wanted to get out of the station as fast as humanly possible to start the date he'd been fantasizing about all day. He didn't take seven minutes to get showered. He took five. And only three to get dressed. "So what do we have a taste for?" he asked they walked out to Aaron's Jeep. "No steak. I can never find anything I like as much as my rib eye." Aaron yanked his door open. "You remember that diner on the other side of the interstate? I think I'm in the mood for some homemade biscuits." "Works for me." He climbed in next to Aaron. "Everything's on me tonight. It's about time somebody treated you right." "I guess if treating me right involves buying homemade biscuits, I won't complain." Aaron pulled onto the service road that would take them back to the city. "What do you want to do if the box office doesn't have any tickets for tonight?" He hadn't considered that. It was Friday night, too. Odds weren't good they'd be able to get in. "We take Shakespeare home, then. In fact ... we could do that anyway. Have dinner, run to Blockbuster and pick something out, then go home and watch a DVD while we finish off the ice cream from last night." "Well, on the one hand, I don't think any movie can match the energy of a live performance. On the other hand, I doubt even a live performance could top getting cozy on the couch together." "Or Keanu Reeves in those tight pants. Don't forget that." 52


"How could I? Maybe that's why Branagh cast him. God knows Keanu doesn't have any business with Shakespeare." "He was blinded by the beauty that is Keanu," Xander announced in mock solemnity. "Just like anybody else with eyes." "Indeed. That man is awfully pretty. But frankly, I think Denzel Washington was the best part of that movie." "Not bad. But too short." On a whim, Xander reached across and squeezed Aaron's knee. "I've got a soft spot for tall guys. Or a hard spot, if you want to be literal." "You know, I always hated being one of the tallest people, or just the tallest person, in a room. But now that I know that, I won't mind so much." Xander relaxed in his seat, enjoying the comfort of Aaron's company. This was the first real test. Working side by side after the half night they spent together didn't count. They were both professionals. They knew how to put duty first. This was their first opportunity to see if they could return to the camaraderie they'd known before. If sex and a mutual attraction would get in the way of their friendship, it wasn't worth it. So far, so good. In fact, it was even better than he'd thought it would be. "I owe you an apology for last night," Xander said. "If I'd known, I wouldn't have made so many comments about getting you a girlfriend." Aaron shrugged. "It's okay. I mean, I did excuse myself because it was making me a bit uncomfortable, but I know you didn't mean anything by it. It's just that every time I see 53


my mom or Eddie or anybody else, the first thing they ask about is whether or not I have a girlfriend. Then they start making suggestions." "Do you go out just to get them off your back?" "No. I don't go out with girls. It's not fair to anybody." "Do you have anybody you just get to be yourself with?" He was really curious about the answer to this. Xander suspected, after Eddie's reaction to his coming out, that the response meant Aaron needed this date more than he'd realized. "Not really, no. Not here in Cedar City. I have some friends I chat with online, and that helps." His resigned tone knifed through Xander, and he squeezed Aaron's knee again. He understood that kind of isolation, though he'd escaped as soon as he could. But he didn't have the same family situation as Aaron. If his parents had still been together, if he'd had siblings, it might've been harder to just take off and leave them all behind. He couldn't hold that commitment against Aaron, as much as he wished he could drag the kid out of the godforsaken town. "Well, no worries about being with me," he announced. "Seriously. If there's something you want to talk about, anything at all you want to say, don't hold back. Tonight's about being true to yourself, okay?" "I'll do that," Aaron promised. He turned onto the overpass that would take them to the other side of the freeway. "I guess it's different for you in New York." "A little. I can have whatever kind of life I want outside of work, but I don't flaunt it at the station. It makes some of the 54


guys uncomfortable, so I just make sure I do my job as best I can. Not that I wouldn't anyway, but better to have them know they can trust me, even if they think I'm trying to get into their pants all the time." "Yeah, they're probably uncomfortable because they wish you'd try to get in their pants." Xander laughed. "You're good for my ego. I could get used to this kind of attention." Instead of returning his laughter, Aaron sobered. "Well, if you had the time to get used to this kind of attention." He hadn't meant to remind either of them about his imminent departure. With the fires under containment now, that would likely be sooner rather than later. "It just means we make the most of what we got. And hey, you'll always have a standing invitation to come visit me in New York. And there's email. No reason we have to lose contact when I leave." "I know. I was just thinking it was a bitch to watch you leave the first time." Aaron smiled, though it might have been a little forced. "I didn't mean to be a downer or anything." "So no more talking about what won't happen for a few days at least. Let's just have fun, okay? Good food, good company, hours of staring at Keanu's ass." "Hours? You plan to rent more than one Keanu movie?" Aaron teased. "Nope." He grinned. "I plan on rewinding over my favorite bits to watch over and over again." "Speaking of good food..." Aaron parked outside of low white building with a hotel behind it. The lot was full, many of 55


the cars with out-of-state plates. Despite the nearby fire, the majority of the city had not been evacuated, and some of the braver tourists had stuck around, unwilling to give up their tickets to the Shakespeare Festival. "We're here." The Cedar Creek diner had always been one of the most popular spots in town. The food was fairly cheap and plentiful, and all of it had a little homemade touch. As he stepped into the restaurant, Xander prepared himself for what would probably be a twenty or thirty minute wait, but as soon as the hostess saw them standing there, her face brightened. "Aaron! Come on, we have a special section for all the firemen. No waiting." "Thanks, Steph." A couple people shot them dirty looks as they were pulled through the waiting throng, but Xander ignored them to follow Aaron and the hostess to a booth in the back. They passed a pair of men he recognized from the local crews, but nobody stopped for more than casual nods in greeting. It meant he was going to have to keep his hands to himself, but he'd been prepared to have to do that anyway. A date in Cedar City didn't mean he had permission to maul another man in public, even if just looking at him made him hard as a rock. He had known all along that there were certain boundaries that wouldn't be breached, no matter what either of them wanted. After a waitress had been and gone with their drink orders, he leaned forward and pitched his voice lower as he said, "You scrub up well, by the way. I haven't been able to stop staring since you got out of the shower." 56


Aaron averted his eyes, looking pleased and shy at the same time. "Thanks. You don't look too bad yourself. Which is pretty much the understatement of the century." He wanted to lean even farther and kiss the faint stain away in Aaron's cheeks, but Xander knew that was going too far. Instead, he sat back and stretched his legs, settling for the nudge of his foot against the other man's. "So you have to tell me about what you do when you're not fighting fires. Regale me with your brilliance." "Brilliance? I'm not sure I'd call anything I do brilliant. I volunteer at the animal shelter where I got Honey every weekend, working with the dogs and educating people about their dogs. You'd be surprised at the number of people who think they can just wash their hands of problems by dropping off their puppies in the desert. I spend most of my summers working at Zion's Park, though I came back early this year because of the wildfire danger in the area. But since I have to feed myself and Honey, I work for the school district as the general maintenance guy." Xander frowned. The volunteering didn't surprise him. Aaron was the kind of person who kept on giving no matter what. "What happened to that fancy college education you stuck around for?" Aaron rolled his eyes. "I got a degree in Humanities with a double emphasis in German and philosophy. It sounded like a great idea until about a month before I graduated and realized nobody was interested in hiring somebody with such a so-called worthless degree. I don't know if you remember, 57


but my uncle worked for the district. Nepotism is still alive and well here." "I remember." He smiled up at the waitress when she arrived with their drinks, rattling off his order when she asked. He didn't even hear what Aaron ordered. His mind was too busy working over everything the other man had said. "Do you mind if I ask a nosy question?" he said when they were alone again. Aaron sipped from his root beer and shook his head. "Not at all." "Why are you sticking around here? I know you were joking about inertia yesterday, but seriously. There's so much you're missing out on by staying." "I guess for the same reason most people stay in their hometowns. My family is here. I've got some friends here, even if I can't exactly be myself. My job is okay, my apartment is nice..." Aaron sipped from his drink again. "Nothing is so bad here that I felt like packing it all in and turning my life upside down." "But it could be better. Don't you want it to be better?" He blurted the next, though even if he'd thought about it first, he doubted he would have changed his mind. "Move to New York. There's more chances for you to use your degree there, or hell, go back to school and work on your Master's. You're certainly smart enough. And we both know about the other advantages." "I don't know, Xander. I mean ... I don't even have the money to move across the country." "If you had the money, would you do it?" 58


"What about Honey? Would I be able to find a place that would let me have her?" "Sure. Lots of places let you have pets. Mine does." Aaron considered that for a moment, his eyes distant as he twirled his straw between two fingers. "Well, then I guess I would move. If I had the money. And a place lined up." He couldn't read Aaron. He wasn't sure if he'd made matters better or worse by pushing for an answer, but frankly, he hated seeing Aaron like this. He deserved more than what he had. Xander wanted to be the one to give this to him. "If you don't like the idea of New York, there's other places," he said, hoping it would backpedal enough without losing the ground he'd gained. "Wherever you think you would be happy. That's what's important here. I'll do what I can for you, no matter where you pick to live." "No, it's not that I don't think I'd like New York." Aaron's eyes focused on Xander, and his shy smile returned. "If you tell me it's a great place to live, I believe you. It's just that a few days ago, everything was the same and normal, and now you're here ... and everything I ever wanted ... It's ... overwhelming." Inwardly, Xander kicked himself. He'd pushed too hard. Of course Aaron was overwhelmed. Twenty-four hours earlier, he hadn't even known Xander was gay, and now here Xander was, trying to get him to abandon everything he'd ever known and leave it behind for ... what? The chance to be truly happy. To Xander, that meant everything. 59


But Aaron was happy. He said so. Everything I ever wanted. Only for now, though. Only until Xander left. They both knew this parting wouldn't be as easy as the first time Xander left town. "Just think about it," he said, matching Aaron's smile. "No reason for you to make a decision now. We haven't even had dinner yet." "How did you choose New York? I always wondered about that instead of Vegas or Los Angeles." "Honestly?" His smile widened. "It seemed less fake. I spent so many years pretending to be something I'm not, the last thing I wanted when I moved away was to end up in a city where appearances are everything." "Eddie was pretty upset when you left for New York. I think he felt betrayed that you moved so far away." Mention of Eddie was sobering. "Yeah, well, considering how things turned out between us, maybe that was for the best. If we'd stuck it out together, he would've learned the truth sooner, and that would have made things even uglier than they are." He couldn't really imagine the situation between them being worse, but at least they had time tempering everything. If they'd been in each other's laps during it all, he wasn't sure if they wouldn't have grown to hate each other. And he definitely didn't want that. "Yeah, I guess that's probably true. I wish he wasn't like that. We were never that close, but he always treated you 60


like the brother he wished he had." Aaron waved his hand. "And now I'm being a downer again, aren't I?" "Nah." Xander waved him off. "You're just getting it out of your system. I don't want you to hold back if that's what you need to talk about." "Did he ever suspect anything about me? Or mention anything to you at all? Sometimes ... I wondered if that's what put the distance between us." It was easy to tell what Aaron wanted to hear, but Xander was forced to shake his head. "I think it's just five years age difference and maybe not a lot in common," he offered. "Eddie ... likes things a certain way. When you don't conform to his world view, he gets itchy." "Yeah, and I guess the only role I ever conformed to was obnoxious little brother. Plus by the time he was my age, he had his MBA and was engaged to the world's most perfect woman." Aaron shrugged. "I know what it sounds like, but I actually made my peace with this a long time ago. I just thought I'd ask." The waitress arrived with her arms laden with their food, and Xander sat back out of the way as the delicious aromas made his stomach growl. "How about we table any more talk of Eddie until after we eat?" he said when she'd left. "We'll stick to lighter topics for awhile." He picked up his fork and grinned. "Like fires raging out of control." "Oh, I don't think we want to talk about out-of-control fires." Aaron cut open his biscuit and slathered it with butter and honey." I heard today that the fire inspector suspects arson." 61


"Really? Who said?" As they lapsed into work gossip, Xander noted the light returning to Aaron's dark eyes, his shoulders relaxing again. That was better. He liked this version of the younger man, the one whose innocent excitement about life and everything in it proved so infectious to those around him. He liked him a lot. Enough for other thoughts to continue churning in the back of his mind for the rest of the night. [Back to Table of Contents]

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CHAPTER 4 Xander had thought Aaron's couch was comfortable the night before, but sprawled in its corner, with Aaron stretched out and tucked into his side, Xander thought he could easily spend the next week in that spot without moving. Aaron was warm, and his long hands created shivers with each tender caress along Xander's leg. It distracted from the charm of the DVD, but Xander didn't care. He liked the way Aaron's whole body rocked when he laughed, and the way the tips of his ears went red when he was aroused by one of Xander's comments. More than once, he'd succumbed to the urge to turn his head and bury his nose in Aaron's hair, just to breathe him in. It was a little hard to believe they'd come to this point in just twenty-four hours. But honestly, they'd known each other most of their lives. It felt like the next natural step. "You know the other movie I can watch Keanu in for endless hours?" he said when the main menu reappeared on the TV. "Point Break." Aaron nuzzled against Xander's neck, and he felt the smile on Aaron's mouth. "You just like all the sexual tension between Keanu and Patrick Swayze." "Does it have any other redeeming feature?" He smoothed his hand down Aaron's back, slipping his fingers inside the waistband of his jeans to caress the top of his ass. "Maybe we should have watched that instead. The way you talk, I think you might've preferred it." 63


"We'll just have to rent it for tomorrow night," Aaron murmured, tugging Xander's shirt up his stomach. "And order some pizza. It'll be my treat this time." Xander caught Aaron's wrist and held his hand away from his body, holding still until Aaron lifted his head in confusion. "Are you trying to tell me you don't own Point Break? What kind of gay man are you?" "The closeted kind, of course. I couldn't allow my movie collection to out me, could I?" "Hm." He pretended to consider this knowledge, though it was hard to keep a straight face with Aaron starting to wriggle around on top of him. "Maybe I should do something about that before I go. We'll go hit Wal-Mart and pick you up a copy. And maybe get some Streisand, too. You like Funny Girl, right?" Aaron grimaced. "Do I have to like it? If I don't, does that mean I have to be straight?" "Absolutely. Unless you swear forever allegiance to Babs, you have to give up sucking cock. It's a rule." "Oh. In that case, I swear my allegiance to Babs. I don't want to give up sucking cock." Aaron squirmed against him. "Not tonight, at any rate." Xander groaned at the rub against his hip, and his fingers tightened on Aaron's ass in order to get him to stop. "I'm guessing you've done that." His voice had gone husky in the course of that single motion, his body already too hot from having Aaron so tantalizingly close all night. "Blow jobs, I mean. What else ... you said it was just one-night stands, right? What do you usually do?" 64


"Whatever the guy I'm with wants." Aaron paused, his brow furrowing. "That came out wrong. I mean, I don't just do whatever. But I've given some blow jobs and received some. A few times, there's been nothing more than a hand job. I've been fucked twice, and somebody once asked me to fuck him." His thumb swept over the dimple at the top of Aaron's ass, the one he'd first found the night before, the one he'd been dying to get a taste of ever since. "But what do you want? Tonight's about being true to you, remember? Tell me what it is you crave." "I ... God. I never thought I would hear those words coming from you." He rested his forehead on Xander's. "I want to feel you inside. I want ... to give you a blow job. I want you to fuck me." A small part of Xander knew it was dangerous giving in to Aaron's fantasy. His confessed crush had had years to take root, and it wasn't entirely fair to offer it to him now. But that was a very, very small part. Because the truth of the matter was, Aaron wanted what Xander did. It didn't matter if this was Aaron's dream come true. Right then, right there, it was Xander's, too. He inhaled Aaron's soft, sweet breath, the scent of ice cream hanging delicately between them. "We should take this to the other room, then." When his lips brushed across Aaron's, they both moaned, hungry for more. "Lucky for me, we both want the same thing." "You might have to help me into the other room, because my legs are feeling a bit shaky." He straightened and 65


carefully moved off Xander's lap. "You tend to have that effect on me." Rather than wait to see if Aaron was kidding, Xander sat up, ducking into Aaron's abdomen as he did so. The other man cried out in surprise when Xander stood and took Aaron with him, his arm tight around Aaron's thighs to keep him from sliding off his shoulder. "Don't tell a fireman you can't walk," he warned as he carried him to the bedroom. "Especially this one." Aaron laughed, and he didn't seem the least selfconscious. It was just a free, delighted sound. He was still smiling when Xander carefully lowered him to the bed. As soon as his back hit the mattress, he gripped Xander's arms and pulled him down. "What if I tell you I need a kiss now?" Propping himself up on his knuckles, Xander arched an eyebrow. "Gee. Now if I had a dime for every time someone I saved asked me that..." "With those lips? You'd probably be wealthy enough to retire." "You're biased." "I'm not." Aaron brushed the pad of his thumb across Xander's mouth. "Any objective person would come to the same conclusion." Xander turned his head to catch the thumb with his teeth before Aaron could pull it completely away. He ran his tongue over the sliver of skin exposed to him, and smiled when he heard an answering gasp from Aaron. "I love how sensitive you are to everything," he murmured. 66


"I think it's because nobody ever treated me like you do." Aaron lifted his head and tentatively touched his lips to Xander's. The caress was as light as Aaron's thumb had been, but Xander could sense the younger man was holding himself on a tight and tenuous rein. Xander bent to the side, his mouth skimming across salty, delicious skin until he came to Aaron's ear. "Before I lose the power of speech completely," he whispered, "I want you to know I had a wonderful time tonight. We could've fallen asleep on the couch after the movie, and it still would've been perfect." "Me, too. It's definitely the best date I've ever had. But I wouldn't have been happy with falling asleep on the couch." He wrapped his arms around Xander and squeezed. "I'm too curious about what sex is like with a guy I really, really like." Xander let himself fall farther against Aaron's long body, sighing as it bent and bowed around him to tug him even closer. "I guess that makes two of us." His face was mostly buried in Aaron's neck, the scent of his body intoxicating. He licked along the sinew and wondered if he could make a matching mark on this side, to go with the one he'd created the night before. He'd loved seeing it on Aaron's neck. He'd gotten hard at random moments throughout the day, just thinking about it. "Last night was good, but something tells me this is going to be even better." Aaron arched beneath him, his muscles straining beneath Xander. Aaron was so long and lanky that it was easy to forget just how strong he was, until Xander felt every single 67


muscle flex against him. "I hope ... I hope you're right about that." "I know I'm right." He lifted his head just enough to meet Aaron's liquid eyes, sinking into them a little bit more. "Trust me." Rather than wait for confirmation, he took Aaron's mouth in a kiss like none of the others they'd shared. He'd been hungry last night; they both had been. Their kisses had been hard-edged and a little bit desperate, even after they'd both come and lain together before falling asleep. The few kisses they'd stolen after getting home from dinner had been slower, less needy, affirmation that they were both there, that this was what they both wanted. This was a promise. This begged Aaron with Let me. This made his heart thud and his ears ring. Aaron palmed the back of Xander's head, his fingers pressing into the scalp. Their mouths separated for just a split second, long enough for both of them to gasp for breath, and then their lips met again. Xander knew that the way Aaron opened to him, responded to him, would set the tone for the rest of the night, and Aaron didn't disappoint. He seemed to use his whole body to return the kiss, moaning softly each time Xander slid his tongue against Aaron's. The hair stood up on the back of his neck when Aaron tilted his lips sideways, catching the corner, the edge of the stubble he could never keep at bay, the line of his jaw. Xander returned the pleasure by doing his own exploration, and tasted the hard line of a cheekbone, the hollow of a cheek, the slope of his neck. They came back together as if 68


on some unspoken signal, the nearly flawless match of mouths as telling as the goose bumps erupting along Xander's arms. Aaron pulled Xander's shirt free from his waistband and up his back. Their mouths broke contact long enough to tug Xander's shirt over his head, and then Aaron's lips were on his again. His fingers moved up and down Xander's back, trailing over his spine and ribs, tracing the lines of muscles. His callused skin revealed how hard Aaron worked, at the animal rescue, and the school, and as a firefighter. Despite the roughness of his skin, Aaron's touch was soft. Xander was loathe to break the contact, but each stroke along his body only served to remind him that Aaron was still fully clothed. With one last nip at Aaron's jaw, he pushed up and sat back on his heels to gaze down at the other man. His hand flattened over the tight stomach, his eyes never looking away, and began popping the buttons of his shirt, one by one. "Do you have condoms and lube in here? Mine are in my bag in the living room." "Yeah." Aaron gestured toward the dresser with a small smile. "Everything's in the top drawer. I'm the eternal optimist." The shirt fell open. "All that Boy Scout training had to finally reward us one way or another." Xander smoothed his hand up, over the hard line of Aaron's stomach, pausing at a dark, flat nipple. He traced it with his thumb, over and over again until Aaron began to writhe. "I know you said you've only been fucked twice, so it'd be better for you if you're on your hands and knees, but ... if I promise to take it slow, 69


would you let me fuck you like this?" His throat was dry. He had to swallow to rid himself of the lump. "I wasn't kidding about wondering what it would be like to have your legs wrapped around me." Aaron reached for Xander's pants, working the belt free with one hand. "Yes. I want ... I want to see you. I don't want to be facing away from you." He continued to caress Aaron's chest as he pulled the leather free from the loops. When it landed with a soft clink on the floor, he slid his hand beneath Aaron's back and pulled him upward, so that now they were both sitting. "I was a little selfish last night," he murmured, pushing at Aaron's shirt. It fell off his shoulders to pool on the bed behind him for the moment before Xander tossed it aside, too. "Sorry about that." Aaron tugged at Xander's zipper and button, opening his pants. He expected to feel Aaron's fingers on his cock, but he bypassed that in favor of the line of Xander's hip, running his blunt nails down the seam. "No. Don't apologize. It was really nice. I never felt anything like that." Xander rose up on his knees, pushing at his boxer briefs and jeans to get them down, then sat back on his bare ass to get them off the rest of the way. Aaron watched every movement with growing hunger, his breath quickening when Xander's thick erection bobbed into view. But still, he didn't reach out and touch, except to grace gentle fingertips along Xander's knee. "I can be, you know. Selfish." He worked at Aaron's jeans now, though he wasn't nearly as patient in staying away from 70


Aaron's cock. "You asked last night about me not having a boyfriend for so long. Being selfish is a good part of that reason." Aaron bit his bottom lip as Xander's palm brushed over the wet tip of his cock. "Not everybody's perfect." His sentence ended in a gasp as Xander gave him a light squeeze. He leaned back and kicked his legs forward, working the jeans off and onto the floor. "I can live with you being selfish as long as we have similar goals." Did he know what he sounded like when he said stuff like that? Xander wasn't sure. There wasn't a deceitful bone in Aaron's body; there never had been. He said what he felt, and he'd always been a kid who had seemed to feel a little bit more than most people. Xander didn't know how he'd had the fortitude to hide his sexuality this long. All he knew was that he admired the hell out of him for sticking to what he had to do. "Well, I'm pretty sure our immediate short-term goals are exactly the same." Crawling forward on his knuckles, he stretched out atop Aaron, shivering when Aaron immediately wrapped his arms around him again. Their cocks rubbed along each other, and his balls ached with the need for more. "In fact, I'd be willing to bet on it." "I hope your immediate short-term goal is letting me get a taste of you." He slid his palms up and down Xander's back, reaching the top of his ass before reversing and returning to his shoulders. "Because I wasn't kidding earlier about what I wanted." 71


With a crooked grin, Xander tightened his grip and rolled to the side, switching their positions before Aaron could take a breath. "Well, now I'm not in a position to stop you." He pinched at Aaron's ass. "Unless you're all talk." Aaron stared at him for a moment, almost like he wasn't sure what Xander meant. And then a grin split his features, and Xander noticed the light in his eyes before he lowered his head and licked a path from his throat to his nipple. He paused there, circling the darker skin until the tip hardened to a point. Aaron pulled the tender flesh between his teeth, biting gently while he caressed Xander's other nipple. Xander closed his eyes, focusing on the fire now racing beneath his skin. The tenderness in Aaron's mouth matched the touch of his hands earlier. He treated Xander like something precious, like something to be savored, even though he knew everything that was bad about him. He knew Xander's single-mindedness. He knew his workaholic tendencies. He knew about the times he and Eddie had snuck off and gotten drunk, and he knew about the inevitable hangovers that had dragged them back. A lot had happened in ten years. Xander had grown up. So had Aaron. When Aaron reached his waist, he veered sideways, avoiding the wet tip of Xander's cock. He gripped Xander's hip, kneading the hard muscle, while he nibbled at the skin on the other side. Xander dropped a hand and rested it on the back of Aaron's head, but he didn't push. It was enough to thread his fingers through his hair, feel the heat pulsing from his every pore. 72


Xander was aware of everything Aaron did, right down to each inhale and exhale. He felt Aaron inhale with his nose less than an inch from Xander's cock, like he was trying to capture the very essence of Xander's flesh. His tongue touched down in the oddest spots, and never where Xander expected. Just the very tip, the lightest taste, before he refocused his attention on another part of the skin. It wasn't long until Xander realized Aaron was circling, getting closer to Xander's shaft with every caress and kiss. His body kept alternating hot then cold, then hot once again. When he tried to spread his legs, to expose his balls to Aaron's mouth, a long hand pushed his thigh flat against the mattress. "You're killing me here," he panted. "I wouldn't have agreed if I knew you were such a tease." The corner of Aaron's mouth lifted. "Not a tease. But you got to be selfish last night." Aaron dropped his head and grazed his lips over Xander's sac. Aaron's breath tickled across his skin, the puff of warm air giving him a tantalizing preview of how hot Aaron's mouth would be around his balls. "Now I'm going to indulge my needs." "And what..." He whimpered when Aaron drew his fingertips along the seam of his thigh and hip. "What needs are those?" "Oh, simple ones. Like tasting every bit of you. But I don't want to kill you." He pushed Xander's cock against his stomach, exposing the underside to his tongue. Aaron didn't take his gaze from Xander's face as the tip of his tongue moved from Xander's sac to the tip of his cock. 73


The darkness hid a lot. It cast Aaron's shoulder and half of his face in shadow. It made it impossible to see just where his hands were when they weren't touching Xander. But it didn't mask the light gleaming in his eyes, a light that made Xander's gut clench as much as the deliberate swipes of his tongue around the crown. It didn't hide how beautiful he was, either. The more time he spent with Aaron, the more breathtaking he became. Xander fisted the sheets at one side, while his other hand stroked the side of Aaron's face. "Simple needs are good. Makes it harder to disappoint you." Aaron turned into his hand, kissing the palm before circling Xander's crown with his tongue. He lingered on the slit for a moment, lapping up the drops of pre-come he found there. "You've never disappointed me," Aaron muttered before closing his lips around the head. He bucked upward, driving more of his length past Aaron's lips. Aaron didn't fight it, the suction increasing, and his tongue curled along the shaft, hungry for the fresh skin there for the tasting. Xander fell back almost right away, but with the withdrawal came a slight scrape of teeth, ripples across sensitive skin that went all the way to his toes. Aaron gripped the base of Xander's cock, pulling the skin tight as he moved his mouth down the length. Once his lips touched his fingers, he paused, exhaling through his nose and closing his eyes with apparent bliss. He held that position for several long seconds, then eased back until only Xander's tip remained in his mouth. 74


Somehow, Xander found the control not to grab Aaron's head and fuck his throat. Aaron probably wouldn't mind if he did, but he feared if he broke down that wall, he'd come just from the blow job. Then he'd have to wait too long before getting to fuck Aaron the way they both wanted. So he gripped the blankets, and he steeled his thighs, only conceding to the point of spreading his legs in order to let Aaron slip a hand down and fondle his balls. The almost tentative strokes farther back, down the hot crease and over his hole, made him wonder if Aaron might ever be interested in switching roles, but then the suction would tighten around his shaft and any rational thought disappeared completely. The more comfortable Aaron became, the faster he moved, and the more he swallowed. The look of pleasure never left his face. If anything, he seemed more satisfied as the tempo increased. Xander began to rock, rising up to meet each movement of Aaron's mouth, though he didn't try to take the control away from the younger man. The hand that wasn't on Xander's balls moved down Aaron's body, and he began stroking his own cock. "Stop, stop," Xander panted. Though it took a moment, Aaron complied, but the look of disappointment in his dark eyes almost made Xander shove his head back down. "If you're that excited, we need to switch. I'm not missing out on you shooting on me." "Okay. Okay." Aaron ducked his head and lapped at Xander's cock. "Okay." He lingered over Xander's erection for several more seconds before pushing himself off the bed. For a moment, 75


Xander was confused about where he was going, until Aaron pulled the dresser drawer open and pulled out a box of condoms and the promised bottle of lube. He tossed them both on the bed before covering Xander's body and claiming his mouth in a hard kiss. Teeth clashed against sensitive lips. Xander flipped their positions again, not bothering with as many niceties, not breaking the seal of their mouths. When hot hands smoothed down his back to cup his ass, he ground his cock into Aaron's stomach, swallowing the groan Aaron couldn't contain. "Just wait 'til the main event." He sucked at Aaron's tongue for a moment as he reached blindly for the lube. Flipping the lid with his thumb, he waited as long as he could before pulling back. He sat on his heels and coated the fingers on his right hand, rubbing them together in order to warm it up a little. "Just breathe," he instructed. Grasping Aaron's thigh, he pushed it upward to the other man's chest until Aaron took the hint and folded his knees close to his body. Xander ran his slick fingers down the crease, skimming over the hole first even though Aaron gasped at the contact. Despite Xander's warning, Aaron took a deep breath and didn't exhale as Xander pushed his finger into Aaron's waiting body. His ass was tight, which shouldn't have been a surprise, but he was even tighter than Xander imagined. Aaron's chest jumped each time Xander eased his finger deeper, like he had forgotten how to push the air out of his lungs. Xander wrapped his hand around Aaron's cock and squeezed. "I said, breathe." 76


Aaron exhaled in a rush. "Okay. Okay." His body shook as he took a breath and let it out again. "I am." He used the distraction to add a second finger, though he had to twist his hand in order to get them both inside. For a moment, Aaron clenched, but as soon as Xander began to pull at his cock, his ass relaxed again, making it easier to slip in and out of the tight passage. "I meant what I said." Xander couldn't take his eyes off Aaron. He couldn't remember the last time he'd seen someone so gorgeous. "I'm taking it slow. Nothing until you're good and ready." "I know." Aaron dropped his head back. "This already feels really good. Don't know how I'm gonna stand more." Slow strokes. In. Out. Turning his wrist every other time in order to stretch the muscle further. "You'll stand it." He said it softly, unable to blink, almost unable to breathe. "Because if it feels like you're getting too close, I'll just do this." Without looking away, he slid down to the root of Aaron's cock and wrapped his index finger and thumb around it. Aaron moaned and tried to push against Xander's hand, but a slight squeeze prompted him to relax again. "Will the same trick work on you?" Xander smiled and folded a third finger in with the two to push inside the other man. "I guess you're going to have to wait until you're in a position to find out." "Oh, Christ." Once again, Xander had to wait for Aaron to relax before he could begin pumping his wrist. He kept the strokes as slow 77


and even as before, watching the pleasure reflected in Aaron's eyes. He writhed against the bed, but he didn't forget to breathe. His chest moved in a rapid, yet regular, rhythm, and his cock throbbed against Xander's hand. "Xander ... I think I'm good and ready now..." The time had done more than get Aaron's ass ready. It had allowed Xander time to relax so that he didn't shoot on the first stroke. With as tight as Aaron felt, he suspected he'd be on edge again soon, but he wanted this to last as long as possible. Pulling free, Xander grabbed the box and rolled a condom over his erection. The lube followed. In this case, there was no such thing as too much. He smoothed it over the rubber, watching the hungry glints in Aaron's eyes all the while. It was tempting to tease him, but after everything in the past twenty-four hours, he thought that just maybe there had been enough teasing to last the both of them for a good long time. Xander pushed Aaron's legs to the side as he crawled up his body again. He propped himself up on one hand while he angled his cock downward, finding Aaron's waiting hole. "Wrap your legs around me." He bent and brushed a kiss across Aaron's hot, quivering mouth. "I want to know what that feels like." "I want to know what it feels like, too." Aaron closed his long legs around Xander's body like a vise, reminding him of the strength in Aaron's lanky frame. "God, it feels like I've been waiting to find out for an eternity." 78


No more waiting. Xander pushed forward, meeting the resistance of the tight ring almost immediately. Concentration furrowed Aaron's brow, but as soon as Xander skimmed another kiss along his lips, his body relaxed, and the head of Xander's cock eased inside. He paused. Shudders threatened to make him slam forward, regardless of his earlier declaration. Aaron wrapped his arms around Xander's back and encouraged him to ease forward. Xander didn't resist Aaron's control and allowed him to dictate the pace. He paused often, but he never pushed away, and the slow, careful process made Xander wonder just when Aaron was last with another man. By the time he was completely sheathed, Aaron was trembling, his face buried against Xander's neck. "You okay?" He had to ask, because he sure as hell wasn't. "Yes. Yes." Each word was a warm puff of air against Xander's damp skin. "I think." He licked along Aaron's neck, hungry for the salt. "If it helps, this is even better than I thought it would be." Aaron loosened his hold. "It does. I'll be better if you move." With room now to lift up, Xander peeled their chests apart in order to gaze down at Aaron. Red stained his cheeks, while his pupils had blown and swallowed the irises. More than that, though, was the raw emotion begging him more than any words would. He eased out, missing the constriction as soon as it was gone. He only managed a few inches before he had to push forward again. A little bit harder. Just as hungry. 79


"Oh, yes. Do that, Xander ... do that again." He couldn't deny Aaron when he asked like that. He couldn't deny him period. The rhythm he set up agonized him on every stroke. He'd never fucked anyone so tight, or anyone so ready to devour him. Aaron was licking and kissing everywhere he could reach, without loosening the hold of his hands or legs. It messed with Xander's concentration, broke up the tempo into ragged beats that meant sometimes he slammed forward, others he eased in, careful like he'd promised. "Xander..." He kissed a trail down Xander's jaw, from his ear to his lips. His mouth was hot and hard. "God ... you feel so good..." He dragged his tongue across Xander's stubble, then down his neck. "Are you holding back?" Nails dug into Xander's back then moved lower, to his ass. "Don't hold back. Please." He groaned with each fresh kiss. "I don't want to hurt you." "I know you don't." Aaron's mouth became more insistent, more fervent. "But you won't. I promise." It was time to trust that Aaron knew what he could handle. Xander wasn't sure he could, but he knew he had to do it. If there was anyone he knew he could trust, it was Aaron. Each thrust ached. Each drive made him push a little bit harder. The resistance was still there, but the heat overwhelmed it, too much to take and not nearly enough to satisfy him. Xander moved faster, lengthening the strokes, and the added forced slapped his balls to Aaron's bare skin with sharp echoes that liquefied his spine. 80


"That's it..." Aaron encouraged until the words faded into grunts and moans. Aaron clung to him, rising to meet every thrust, pushing against every stroke. Aaron's body was flushed and slick with sweat, and everything about him overwhelmed Xander's senses. He was impossibly aware of each sound from Aaron's mouth, the heated smell of his skin and damp hair, the taste of his salty throat. "Getting to be ... too much..." Aaron gasped. Silently, Xander agreed. Out loud, he managed, "No, not yet." He slid his hand beneath Aaron's head, cupping the scalp as his fingers got tangled in the damp strands of hair. He pulled, just enough to force Aaron to tilt his head back, and was rewarded with the tightening of the other man's throat, a wide open gaze of wonder as Aaron tried to figure out what Xander might be doing. "I want you to watch me." Xander rolled his hips in order to find a new angle of entry, shoving as deep as he could. Another stroke, and Aaron cried out, his ass clenching around Xander's relentless cock. "Don't you close your eyes." Aaron whimpered, but his eyelids didn't drop. Even when Xander rolled his hips again, finding Aaron's prostate. The younger man kept his gaze locked on Xander's like his life and all his happiness depended on following Xander's demand. Aaron's body tightened and jerked with each new thrust, and Xander felt the growing tension in his flesh. "Touch me ... stroke me ... please..." 81


He thought about toying with Aaron a little bit longer, but the desperation in his eyes broke that urge. Finding a new balance, Xander slid his hand between their bodies, his nails scraping over Aaron's sweaty skin. It was easy to find the long shaft, easier still to fist it. But on the first stroke upward, his own balls started to tighten, the burn of his orgasm more imminent than he expected. It just made him jerk harder on Aaron's cock. He wanted to be aware enough to see the other man blissed out from getting fucked. Aaron began to move differently, slamming against Xander's cock faster, harder. It was all he could do to keep himself from coming, especially when Aaron's moans turned into shouts. "God, Xander ... I can't ... I just..." Aaron's cock jerked against his hand in the same moment he buried his face in Xander's neck. "Love you." Everything inside Xander flew apart. From the hot lips moving against his skin. From the hot come coating his fingers. From the constriction of powerful muscles around his cock. But most of all, from the words still echoing in his ears. He drove into Aaron one last time, knowing it would probably hurt him, knowing he couldn't stop it. His entire body vibrated from the force of his orgasm, and he shot again and again as it endured for endless seconds. He had no choice but to yank Aaron's head back. He needed that mouth. He needed another of those hot, ravenous kisses. And as he fused their lips together, everything coalesced back into those few simple words again. 82


Aaron flexed, holding Xander tightly as the kiss evolved into something softer and softer, until their lips were barely touching. When Xander finally lifted his head, he expected to see his own satisfaction mirrored in Aaron's eyes. Except, what he saw was something closer to fear. "I said what I think I said, didn't I?" For the first time since following Aaron into his room the night before, Xander felt apprehension. "It's okay if you didn't mean it," he murmured carefully. "Things got a little overwhelming there. For both of us." Aaron licked his lips. "Well ... I did mean it." His ears burned with the confirmation. Xander knew the right thing would be to remind Aaron that it was only a crush, that he was just excited about having somebody to talk to, somebody who understood, somebody who wanted only the best for him. Xander knew there were a lot of things he should probably say to him, things that would likely mean this would be the last night they spent together because Aaron would be too hurt to allow anything else to happen. But his tongue refused to form any of the words. At least, not the ones he thought he should. "So come back to New York with me," he blurted. "You and Honey. I want you to live with me." "You're not just saying that because things got overwhelming?" Aaron asked, his voice low. "No." He didn't even think about the answer. "Because I first started thinking about it at dinner. When the thought of leaving you behind started scaring the shit out of me." 83


Aaron smiled wanly. "Well, the thought of moving scares the shit out of me. But not as much as being stuck here for the rest of my life." With his blood pounding, Xander rested his forehead on Aaron's and closed his eyes. "I think we could have something really amazing," he confessed. "And I don't want to lose what we've started because we're in different states." "I know." Light fingers moved through Xander's hair. "When you left the first time ... well, I don't think I can watch you leave again. Not now. I'll go back to New York with you." Relief flooded through him, more profound than Xander expected. Blindly, he found Aaron's mouth and kissed him, though his entire body trembled. Maybe he should've rolled to the side and talked about this some more rather than indulged in more touches, more exploration, but Xander couldn't do it. He needed what Aaron was offering. And he wouldn't let Aaron regret his decision for a moment. [Back to Table of Contents]

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CHAPTER 5 Even though the wildfire was nothing but smoldering ashes, the hot August sun had evaporated all the humidity, and the temperatures spiked into the triple digits again. Their jobs shifted from fighting fires to hunting for fires. The work was easier, but the hours were just as long, and it gave Aaron time to think about something besides Xander. Not that he actually utilized that time—Xander consumed his thoughts. After harboring a crush for years, Aaron thought he was pretty good at keeping secrets. Of course, nobody was actually fooled when he was younger, so maybe he was awful at keeping secrets. He never expected to blurt the truth, but if Xander fucked him like that again, he knew he would confess to any deep, dark secret. He could have taken the opening Xander offered and insisted he didn't mean the words, but Xander respected him. Xander didn't treat him like a scared kid, and Aaron wasn't going to act like one, even if he was very scared. He had called his mother before he lost his nerve. He could tell his announcement shocked her, but she had hardly argued with him. In hindsight, Aaron realized that should have been his first clue. Because if she wasn't going to fight him, she would just contact somebody who would—Edward Jeremiah Meyers. He might have moved three hundred miles away, but what was three hundred miles when he needed to stop his baby brother from making a huge mistake? 85


Aaron shouldn't have been surprised when he answered Eddie's knock on his door, but he was so stunned to see his older brother that Honey managed to dart past both of them and out of the apartment. Swearing under his breath, Eddie moved first and went after her. Honey thought it was a game and barked playfully, running a little bit faster until he cornered her at the end of the long balcony. With her collar firmly in hand, he led her back to the apartment, pushing past Aaron to get her safely inside. "You can't even keep your dog from running away," he said. "How the hell do you think you're going to manage living somewhere like New York?" "She doesn't run away from me," Aaron said defensively. "She just thought you were playing. Honey, heel." The puppy trotted away from Eddie and settled at Aaron's feet, staring up at him expectantly. "Is that why you're here? Mom told you about New York?" "I think that's a good reason to visit, don't you?" "I don't know, is it? I thought your only good reason to visit was Christmas." Eddie folded his arms across his chest. Traditional tough guy pose number two. He was bigger than Aaron, though not as big as Xander, and maybe Aaron would've been intimidated by it if he was twelve, but he wasn't anymore. Now it just annoyed him. "You can't do this to Mom. And you especially can't use Xander as a way to get out of this town." 86


"Mom is an adult with a lot of friends. She doesn't need me to live here forever. And why can't Xander help me?" "Because he can't. You don't know him like I do. You can't rely on him." "I've known him just as long as you have. He's not going to..." Hurt me. "He's not going to fuck me over." Eddie rolled his eyes. "Because he knows how to beat out a few fires? Trust me on this. When it comes to people, Xander is an accident waiting to happen. You listen to a word he says, and you'll regret it." "Why do you say that?" Aaron's tongue felt thick. He thought he knew why Eddie distrusted Xander so deeply, but he wasn't prepared to out himself to his brother. Not yet. "What did he ever do to you?" A muscle twitched in Eddie's jaw. It took nearly a minute for him to answer. "That's private." "No, sorry. You can't pull that shit on me. If you're going to drive all the way down from Salt Lake for the sole purpose of getting involved in my business, you can't tell me it's private." "I think Xander would disagree." "Then I guess we don't have anything more to talk about, because I have no reason not to trust Xander." Aaron stepped aside to give Eddie room to leave, but the other man didn't move. His mouth just got harder, his eyes narrower, before he expelled a long breath and turned to sit on the couch. "I know what you've always thought about Xander," Eddie said. "I know how you always idolized him. But seriously, you 87


never knew Xander the way I did. The way I do. I know he looks like a nice guy on the outside, but if you let him talk you into going to New York, you're going to find yourself stranded there. That's what he does. He leaves when you most need him." "He leaves?" Aaron crossed the room and sat on the other end of the couch. "Are you upset because he moved to New York and left you behind?" "Now? No. When he left? Hell, yeah." It didn't take a genius to see the direction Eddie was trying now, but Aaron didn't want to stop him. "But that's what I mean. We made all these plans. Shit you never heard about. And he left anyway. He didn't even give me a choice. He didn't care that I'd put all my trust in him. All he cared about was his needs, what he wanted." Aaron understood why Eddie might still be stung over Xander's decision. He didn't know everything that happened between the two men, but knowing both the way he did, he could imagine it. "Why didn't you go with him to New York?" Aaron asked softly. The face Eddie made was more telling than his words. "Because it's dirty, and it's loud, and the cost of living is through the roof. I thought it was idiotic for two eighteen year-olds to go to New York with just a couple hundred bucks between them. I still do." "I don't think you're wrong. I probably wouldn't have gone with him either, in your shoes. But I'm not eighteen, and we both have more than a couple hundred bucks. What am I 88


supposed to do? Stay here and change light bulbs at the high school for the rest of my life?" His mouth thinned again. "You could come to Salt Lake. Stay with me and Michele until you get on your feet. Or apply to work on your Master's. You're certainly smart enough." "I don't want to live in Salt Lake." "How do you know? You've never lived there." Aaron snapped his fingers at Honey, and she bounded to him, pushing her head under his hand. Usually, stroking her soft ears was enough to make him feel better, but he didn't think anything would ease his upset stomach at that point. "I'm not just looking for a new place to live, Eddie. The cities aren't interchangeable." Anger flashed in his eyes, but when Eddie started to lean forward, Honey visibly tensed. It was enough to make him stop, glancing warily down at the dog. "So it all comes back to idolizing Xander, is that it? You're not done trailing after him like a little puppy?" If Eddie knew Aaron was gay, their relationship would probably be over. If Eddie just thought Aaron hadn't outgrown his pathetic need to hero worship, he'd be disappointed, even disgusted, but they could still be brothers. "Xander and I have a lot in common. We're closer than we were before. There are worse people to idolize." "No, there's really not." He took a deep breath. "Look. Don't you see what he's doing here? He's using you to get back at me. This is all a game to him. He's convinced you of whatever, in order to prove to himself that he's better than me." 89


On the surface, the argument was almost compelling. Xander and Eddie had a past that Aaron was almost entirely ignorant of. They had been as close as brothers, much to Aaron's chagrin. "I don't know how that even makes sense. Why would luring me to New York prove he's better than you?" "Because you're not a person to him. You're a prize. If you go to New York, you're telling him you'd give up your family and your roots just for him. And he's not worth it. I don't know how many times I have to tell you that." "Like family is so important to you? We talk a few times a year. You don't want me to leave Mom because you don't want to have to deal with taking care of her as she gets older." Aaron ran his hand through his hair. "This conversation is getting us nowhere. We're just going in circles." "You're right. We are. So I'm just going to lay it on the line." Eddie stood and paced over to the window. He looked out over the street for a second before stuffing his hands into his pockets. "Xander's into guys, Aaron. If he seems excited about you coming out to New York, it's probably because he wants to get into your pants. Not because you actually mean something to him." "You want me to stay away from Xander just because he's gay?" Eddie looked over his shoulder in disbelief. "Isn't that a good enough reason to stay as far away from him as possible?" 90


"No, it's not. He's still the same person he's always been. He's still the same guy who used to make sure you got home safe after a night of drinking. He's the guy who took all the blame the time you two took your science teacher's car out for a joyride. He's the one who used to smuggle candy bars and videos to you when you were sick or grounded. You think all of the good he does is void because he happens to like other guys?" "I think—" Whatever he was going to say was cut off by the sound of the door opening. Aaron whipped his head around to see Xander standing there, half in, half out, the groceries he'd gone out to get in order to fix dinner dangling from his hand. Xander's gaze jumped back and forth between them. As soon as Honey started forward as if to escape again, Xander shut the door. "Oh, great," Eddie sneered. "He's letting himself in now. Please tell me you weren't dumb enough to give him a key, Aaron." Xander frowned. "What's this all about?" Aaron stood, though he didn't walk over to Xander's side. A part of him still wanted to keep his relationship with Eddie, even though it was becoming increasingly obvious that it wouldn't happen. So he stayed in the middle of the room, confused and feeling out of control. "Mom told Eddie about my plans to move to New York. He's come here to ... discuss it." Eddie laughed, though it was more of a bray than anything else. "He's lying. I came here to warn him off you, Xander. 91


Because if you think for a second I'm going to let you involve my little brother in your sick games, you never knew me at all." Though Aaron saw the tension coil in Xander's stance, Xander didn't do anything but walk into the kitchen with the groceries. "I thought we both already agreed we never knew each other, Eddie," he said from the other room. "Don't drag Aaron into our shit. He doesn't deserve that." "Me? You think I'm doing the dragging?" Eddie marched for the kitchen, stopping in the entrance and blocking Aaron's view. "I know it was all your idea. He's never even mentioned New York before. But it's not going to happen. I already told him you're a fag." Fag echoed in Aaron's head, and then settled in his stomach, as solid and sickening as a brick. He had been on the receiving end of that epithet more than once, but this was the first time it had actually hurt him. And he wasn't even the one being addressed. Aaron could insure Eddie would never call him that simply by promising not to leave. Family peace would be restored. Xander would go back to New York, where he belonged, and everything would be the same as it was before. With a healthy dose of self-loathing. "Don't say things like that in my house," Aaron said, finally moving. "You can at least respect that." "Why not?" Eddie didn't bother looking back. "You didn't see what I saw, Aaron." "Because this isn't your house." Xander suddenly filled the space in front of Eddie. His eyes were cold, harder than Aaron 92


had ever seen before. "And Aaron's not a kid you can boss around." Though Eddie didn't flinch, there was a fresh tension in the way he swayed back from Xander that hadn't been there when the other man wasn't in striking distance. "Fine. Queer, then. Or is it gay? Because I'm guessing cocksucker isn't quite PC enough for you." "How about you act like an adult and not call him any names at all?" Aaron demanded, trying to soften the words by putting a hand on Eddie's shoulder. "We don't need to do this, Eddie." "You're right. We don't." Eddie stepped back, moving to Aaron's side in a clear move of consolidation. "Stay here." "Eddie ... I don't want to. I'm not some naïve kid who can't take care of himself. I've been doing just fine for the past five years. And I'm not leaving because I don't care about you or Mom, or my roots. Why can't you just understand that?" "Because this has come out of nowhere." Eddie placed himself between Aaron and Xander, though he wasn't nearly big enough to block the other man from view. "You were fine before he came back to town. I know this is all because he's put ideas in your head." "No," Xander said. "I gave him options. What did you ever give him?" "I don't want this to be a wedge between us." Aaron suspected it was already too late for that. But he had to believe they could work through this. He had to believe it would just take a little bit of logic and reasoning. Even if emotions never responded to either of those things. "I love 93


you. You're always going to be my big brother. I don't want to fight with you about this." "Then do the right thing. Don't leave. You're only going to get hurt if you leave." "He's not." Xander gripped Eddie's shoulder to pull him back, but Eddie pushed him off. Xander was left to shove his fists into his armpits, clearly trying to hold back on resorting to anything more physical. "I'm not going to let anything happen to him, Eddie. I'd give you my word on that, but something tells me that wouldn't make a difference." "You're right. It wouldn't." "It wouldn't make a difference because he's gay, right? He's completely untrustworthy? Do you really believe that, Eddie?" Aaron knew he sounded almost like he was begging for the answer he wanted, but he just needed something. Eddie glanced at him for only a moment before squaring off with Xander again. "He's untrustworthy because he lies. He's lied his whole life. He even lied to me, and I was supposed to be his best friend. Give him the chance, and he's going to lie to you, too, Aaron. He's probably already done it. I'll bet he didn't even tell you he was gay." "You'd be wrong," Xander said, his voice low and even. "I told him the night of the storm. My only regret is I didn't tell him sooner. Because he was more of a man about finding out than you were. He's more of a man than you'll ever be, Eddie." Aaron winced, though he couldn't see Eddie's face so he didn't know if Xander's words found their mark. "He didn't 94


want to lie to you, Eddie. Nobody does. Sometimes that happens when people are ... scared." Eddie shook his head. "The only thing Xander's scared of is not getting some fresh dick for Saturday nights." "You know I'm not like that," Xander said through gritted teeth. "I never was." "You never were with the girls because they weren't what you were after," Eddie corrected. "I wouldn't be surprised if you were sucking off Coach Kelly all those times he kept you after football practice." Aaron had a sudden frightening, all too real image of the rest of his life—an existence of subjugating himself to Eddie and his undeniable streak of intolerance and cruelty. He grabbed Eddie by the shoulder and pushed him against the nearby wall. That move never worked when they were kids, but Aaron was stronger now, and Eddie wasn't expecting it. "Do not talk to him that way. You don't have the right." Eddie tried to knock Aaron's arm out of the way, but he was too ready for it, putting all his hard-earned muscle into keeping his brother pinned. Eddie's lip curled, and the gleam in his eyes could only be called disgust. "You're the same sad little boy you always were. You're going to be eighty fucking years old, and you're still going to be sticking up for that asshole." Out of the corner of his eye, Aaron saw Xander step closer, though he moved more toward Aaron than Eddie. "I could only be so lucky," he said. "You just love having him around as a whipping boy." "No, I just love him." 95


Aaron almost wavered at Xander's confession, but he thought if anything would provoke Eddie to violence, it would be those words. Eddie tensed, but Aaron was still stronger. Distantly, he realized Honey was growling. He glanced at her from the corner of his eye, and she stood less than a foot away, her fur bristled and her ears up. He had never seen her so wound up, but he supposed Honey had never seen him this upset, either. "I'm going to New York because I want to be with Xander. I hope it's until I'm eighty." Eddie's gaze, black with fury, kept jumping back and forth between him and Xander. His mouth got tighter and tighter, and his nostrils flared, until his entire face was a brittle mask of the brother he'd loved his entire life. "Let me out of here," he ground out. "I can't stand looking at you two." Aaron didn't want to let him go. Not like this. But he could tie Eddie to a chair and try to talk reason to him all night, and it wouldn't make a difference. He took a step back, trying to get out of the reach of Eddie's arm and grab Honey at the same time. She didn't stop growling as Aaron closed his fingers around her collar, and he didn't take his eyes from Eddie. He just wanted to see a hint of change on Eddie's face. It didn't come. Eddie straightened and slid along the wall, away from both of them, until there was enough distance for him to feel comfortable moving away from it. He marched over to the front door, not looking back. Its violent slam made everything inside Aaron ache. 96


Silence blanketed the room. Even Honey went quiet. "I'm sorry," Xander said softly. "It's not your fault. That was going to happen ... one way or the other." Aaron wiped his hand over his face, not surprised to find his eyes were a little damp. "I think ... I'm going to take Honey for a walk." "Do you ... want me here when you get back?" "Yes." Aaron tried to smile. "Please. I won't be gone for long." "Okay. I'll, um..." He looked around before settling on the kitchen. "I'll start dinner." "Xander..." Aaron caught his arm and pulled him closer. He needed to get out of the apartment and get some air, but he needed something else more. He kissed the corner of Xander's mouth and murmured, "I love you." The muscles tensed beneath his hand. Then he was hauled against Xander's chest, powerful arms crushed around his back. "I meant what I said," Xander whispered. "I know." Aaron sighed and relaxed against Xander, letting the other man support him for a few moments. "I wish things were ... well, I guess you know what I wish." "I know you don't think so, but ... I'm sorry I brought this on you. Eddie was right about one thing. You weren't even thinking of leaving before I opened my big mouth." "Doesn't matter. I never intended to be alone my whole life. I would have found some guy to fall for. Eddie would have found out, and the result would have been the same." 97


Aaron's throat felt raw. "It's not you that brought this on. It's me." "So I'm just some guy, huh?" His teasing tone was an obvious attempt to lighten the mood. "Well, as long as I'm your guy, I guess I can't complain." "You are my guy." Aaron stepped back from the embrace, though he couldn't resist one more kiss. Honey yelped at him, prancing at the door like she knew his intention to take her out. Aaron smiled again, but this time, he actually felt like smiling. [Back to Table of Contents]

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CHAPTER 6 It was impossible to stay sad when Honey wanted to play. He took her to the nearby park and let her off the leash. They chased each other. He rolled on the grass with her. She played her own version of fetch—she expected him to go after the stick. Before he called her to heel, he was laughing at her antics. She seemed to feed on that, her puppy eyes wide and excited. By the time he brought her back to the apartment, she was exhausted, and the lump was gone from his throat. Things wouldn't change too much between Eddie and him. They were never as close as they could have been—as Aaron wished they were. He had always looked up to Eddie, but Eddie had always been too old for his younger brother. Besides, Eddie could mellow with age. It was optimistic, maybe overly so, but Aaron didn't want to give up on him. Not entirely. There was a five year old inside of Aaron, and he would always think of Eddie as a hero—even if Eddie didn't deserve that. Honey barked with excitement as he pushed the door open. Or it might have been hunger. She had certainly worked up an appetite—perhaps one that rivaled Aaron's appetite. His nostrils flared as he shut the door behind him, trying to catch a hint of the dinner Xander promised, but there was no hint of food. "What's going on?" 99


Xander tossed his keys at him, already heading for the door. "Station called. There's a new flare-up at the hotspot we found yesterday. The one near the farmhouse with the stables." "Well, fuck." Aaron took a few seconds to fill Honey's bowl with food and then followed Xander out the door. A flare-up wasn't a big deal, but it also wasn't anything Aaron wanted to deal with. He had been looking forward to a quiet night with Xander. "Did they say how bad it was?" "Not too, but the wind was starting to pick up, so they're worried. Most everybody else is still out, and since we just covered the area, they thought we should get back on the front of it." He regarded Aaron carefully as they reached the Jeep. "You can stay here if you want. If you don't think you're going to be able to concentrate." "No, I'm fine." Aaron started the engine and put the Jeep in reverse. "My job doesn't end just because Eddie is a jerk." Xander grinned at that, and it somehow felt like before it all happened again. "Especially considering the shit we put you through when you were twelve." He reached across and squeezed his leg. "If he'd kept up with it much longer, I was ready to get on my knees and start blowing you right there. Might as well give him a good reason to explode." Aaron snorted. "If he kept it up much longer, I might have let you. Actually, I was tempted to pop him in the nose. But the last time I did that, he gave me two black eyes." Xander grew contemplative as Aaron zipped through traffic. "Nothing saying I can't still do that when we get home after. If you want." 100


"Blow me in the kitchen?" "Wherever you want." "How about the shower?" His smile was brilliant. "Your wish is my command." The rest of the ride went by faster than Aaron would have imagined, though images of Xander on his knees in front of him, the water dripping down his hollowed cheeks, over his broad shoulders, had him hard when they pulled into the station. As soon as they stepped inside, however, Xander was all business, and they were suited up and on their way without any more attention brought to what would happen afterward. The hotspot was on the outer edge of the burn zone, about ten miles beyond Beryl Junction, or about fifty miles out from Cedar City. Aaron knew that by the time they reached the location, the blaze would either be dead, or nearly out of control. Given the time, the wind, and the high temperatures, Aaron had the sinking feeling that the fire would still be burning. They rode side by side in the truck, both lost in their own thoughts as the old veteran, Bob Martin, raced down the rural roads, sirens howling in the growing dark. The heavy smell of smoke overwhelmed Aaron long before he spotted the flames. The sun was still hovering over the horizon, but it wouldn't be long until that disappeared, and with it any sense of safety. The flames were already high, but they looked to be contained. Or maybe that was just wishful thinking on Aaron's part. Xander's face was grim. Aaron had seen him like this during the worst of the fires, before the storm. Focused. 101


Intent. He seemed to block out only what was necessary, though the way he was able to discern trouble before it happened was a little eerie. When Bob finally pulled the truck to a stop, as close to the blaze as they dared to get, Xander only briefly touched Aaron's arm before climbing out. It was more than they'd ever exchanged before, but now it didn't feel quite enough. But then Xander was gone, disappearing around the back of the truck, before Aaron could say a word. Even with his head gear, his eyes burned. The day itself had been too hot, the temperatures trapped too close to the ground, and the added flames only drove everything up by agonizing degrees. The reports Xander had given had been understated. Already, the ground was blackened, trees like ash where the fire had moved on. Where the earlier fighters had worked to extinguish the worst, the fire had danced further along, licking a path closer and closer to the farmhouse nearby. After thirty minutes that felt like he was getting nowhere, Aaron felt a light touch on his shoulder. He turned to meet Xander's tight gaze. "It's moving north." Xander practically had to shout to be heard over the blaze. "And there's a light on at the farmhouse. I'm going to go get them out of there." "I'll go with you!" Xander frowned. "They need you here! I'll be right back." Aaron looked back at the fire. They did need him there. They needed every man to beat the fire back. "You can't go up there by yourself. It's too dangerous!" 102


He thought Xander would be stubborn, but after a moment, he jerked his head. "Come on then!" It was difficult to move fast with all their gear on, but Xander made it look effortless as he broke into a jog toward the farmhouse. Aaron followed behind, his eyes constantly moving around for signs of hazards. It was getting darker. Shadows longer. It wouldn't be long before all help from the sun would be gone. The flames would be more of an enemy then. In the absence of other illumination, some men took them as beacons to light their way. They forgot they masked greater dangers. Those were the men who usually got hurt. Or worse. Xander was right about the light. A pick-up was parked in the driveway, the front porch bathed in the yellow glow of a single bulb. "Idiots," he heard Xander complain. "Their lives are more important than a few CDs." Aaron silently agreed they were idiots, but he knew they weren't just risking their lives for CDs. Everything they owned in the world was in danger. He wished he could somehow redirect the fire, but the best he could do was help Xander get them out of the house and into safety. "Hopefully there's no children in there." Xander stood a little bit straighter. Without a word, he marched up the front steps and pounded on the front door. He called out for the owners, and waited only a few seconds before pulling open the screen and pushing the inner door open. There was a blast of cold air that was refreshing for a 103


split second, but then Xander disappeared inside, calling for the owners. A couple in their forties emerged from the kitchen, arms laden with belongings. They seemed surprised to see Xander and Aaron, but as soon as they heard how close the fire was, their eyes widened. "Our daughter's out in the stables behind the house." The mother looked at Xander. "Did you go out there yet?" "No." He turned to Aaron. "Help them get out. I'll go get the girl." Aaron ushered the older couple toward their truck, his heart climbing in his throat. Were the flames closer now? The trucks were closer, the other firemen chasing the fire and trying to stay ahead of the hungry blaze. "It looks like the road is still passable," Aaron shouted. "You need to go now." "We can't. Not without Maria." Aaron peered into the orange darkness. The road wouldn't be open for long. And the smoke was getting thicker. If the heat didn't bake them to death, then the smoke would suffocate them. "We'll get your daughter out. You need to go." "No!" "Fuck." He looked around, watching for any sign of Xander, but there was nothing except the roar of wildfire. Not even distant shouts. He'd done what he'd been told. The parents were out. It was time to check on his partner. 104


Winds blowing sparks forced Aaron to take the long way around the house, but he had to grind to a halt almost as soon as he rounded the corner. A wall of smoke separated him from the outbuildings, flames already starting to consume the back of the house. His head whipped around. The couple was still out front. They had to get out of here. But if he explained why, they might go after their daughter themselves. Parents did that. Family did that. He tamped down the flare of pain at the thought. Now wasn't the time for it. Ducking his head, Aaron pushed forward, ignoring the way his jacket pushed into his skin. It was getting too hot. Nobody could withstand this. These were the sort of temperatures that fused things to flesh, and if it got worse, they'd be scraping his clothes off his charred body with a vegetable peeler. Only the thought that Xander was still out there in this, that there was a girl yet to be saved, kept him going. Then he heard the shout. Aaron peered through the billowing blackness. It couldn't have been his imagination. He knew Xander's voice anywhere. In his dreams. In his head. At his side. He strained for more, to try and discern which direction it might have come from, but there was only the roar of the fire. No more cries for help. Nothing at all to help him. Something separated from the smoke. Big. Bulky. Aaron blinked. His eyes were watering. But when he caught the slope of Xander's arm around the waist of a tall, willowy girl, he nearly passed out with relief. 105


Aaron rushed toward them, his arm automatically going around the girl's waist. She wasn't heavy, but she wasn't supporting her own weight, either. Speaking was an impossibility—even if he had the air to spare, Xander probably wouldn't have been able to hear him. He took the large flashlight from his belt and gestured with it, guiding Xander's attention toward the house. They began to move together. Ash and sparks swirled around them, thicker than the smoke. Aaron's lungs burned, as did his back and the back of his legs. But the house wasn't far, and the pickup truck was just a few feet beyond that. Aaron focused on those thoughts with each step, careful to keep the beam of his light trained in the correct direction. Time crawled. He barely felt the brush of Xander's arm, but when the girl seemed to crumble even more, Aaron was the one to catch her. He had to juggle with the flashlight in order to balance her, waiting for Xander to take his share again. By the time the parents rushed forward, he could barely put one foot in front of the other. He was more than willing to pass her over. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Xander bat at his sleeve, then drop to the ground and roll around in a patch of scorched earth. His chest tightened at the black sear down the back of Xander's jacket. Something had sliced it open. There was even a patch of skin exposed to the open air. Aaron pulled on the sleeve of Xander's coat, forcing it off his arm so he could smother the sparks that still clung to it. Visibility decreased by the second, and he had the horrible 106


thought that they would both be trapped there, in the endless ash and smoke, for an eternity. That Eddie was right, and they had been sent straight to hell. The headlights from the pick-up truck sliced through the darkness and Aaron grabbed Xander by the arm. "Come on. Come on, Xander. Stand up." It took all of his remaining strength, but he pulled the other man to his feet. "Come on. We'll get you to the EMTs. It's not far." "I'm fine," Xander argued. "It's just a scratch." But he didn't fight Aaron as he pulled Xander along. That, more than anything else, said it all. "I'm worried about the smoke." Aaron pushed him toward the pick-up, then helped him into the truck's bed. The truck was hot to the touch, and he knew that speeding through the darkness might be asking for trouble, but none of them could afford to walk away from the house. The girl needed to get to the EMTs as soon as possible, as well. He hit the roof of the cabin, and the truck jolted into life. He ducked his head, trying to avoid toasting his lungs, and focused his attention on Xander. He ran his hands over Xander's chest and limbs, searching for any other scratches or tears. Wracking coughs made Xander bend over, and it took several seconds of listening to them tear through his body before he could speak again. "You can't wait to feel me up later?" he joked. "No, I can't. Is there just a cut on your back?"

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"As far as I can tell. One of the beams came down in the stable." His mouth curved. "I'm not as fast as I used to be when I duck." "What was she doing?" The truck jerked and he nearly lost his footing. He grabbed Xander's coat and pulled him down until they were both sitting. "Were there horses trapped out there?" "Gear. I think she was after some of the saddles. People have whacked out priorities sometimes." The red and blue lights from the ambulance flashed in Aaron's eyes as the truck pulled to a stop. Both doors opened, and the man rushed his daughter to the waiting EMTs. When Xander moved to stand, Aaron caught his arm and stopped him. "I'm worried about that cough. Promise me you'll sit out if the EMTs don't give you a clean bill of health." Xander nodded, though he added, "Except I'm fine. I just need a new coat." "We'll let the professionals decide that," Aaron said, pushing himself to his feet. The ambulance had been parked at a safe distance from the fire, but they were still close enough. The house and the barn would probably be lost, and for that, he was extremely sorry, but the wind was already dying down enough for him to be optimistic. Xander leaned heavily against him as they walked over. It wasn't until they were nearly there that Aaron thought about how it might look to anyone else. He glanced around, but nobody was paying them any attention. They didn't even seem to notice the way Xander had his fingers digging in at 108


Aaron's waist, though he imagined that could be explained away as simply support. An older EMT took Xander to the side, patching up the ragged scratch across his back first before putting a stethoscope to his chest. Aaron was out of earshot so he didn't hear the argument that ensued, but the scowl on Xander's face made it clear who had lost. "He's done for the night," the EMT said when he came over to Aaron. Behind him, another tech was hooking Xander up to an oxygen tank. "Ten minutes and then he can go." "Thanks." "Your turn," the EMT said, taking Aaron's shoulder. "I'm fine," Aaron protested automatically, but the other man either didn't hear him or didn't care what Aaron said. He guided Aaron to a bench and shoved his coat and shirt out of the way for the stethoscope. "You can get some oxygen and stay if you want." "If I want?" "I wouldn't recommend it, but I'm not going to make you leave." Aaron glanced over to Xander. He still had the mask on, and his eyes were closed. He didn't want to leave Xander alone. In fact, he didn't want to do anything except make sure that Xander really was okay. "I won't risk it, then." For the first time since Aaron joined the volunteer unit, the fire wasn't the most important thing. His health wasn't even the most important thing. His focus was only on Xander. [Back to Table of Contents] 109


CHAPTER 7 As soon as they made it back to Aaron's apartment— almost two hours after the EMT sent Xander away from the fire—Aaron gently pushed the other man toward the bathroom. They hadn't lingered at the station long enough to shower. Which had been mostly Aaron's doing, because he just wanted to get Xander home. He didn't know if Xander would understand, so he didn't mention it, but everything inside of him cried out to get Xander back to the safety of his apartment. "You go clean up. Are you hungry? I'll make some dinner." "Starving, but you don't have to do much. I bought fresh pasta and the sauce was already started before I got the call." When Aaron turned toward the kitchen, Xander reached out and grabbed his wrist, forcing him to hesitate. "You can relax, you know. We're home. Everything's okay." "I know. I know that. I'm just not ... feeling it yet." A broad thumb rubbed over his pulse point. "So let's do something about that. You didn't get to clean up yet, either. Forget dinner and come in with me." Aaron would have insisted that they needed to eat, except he didn't have any appetite. And he did love the way Xander looked all wet and soapy. He inclined his head, giving Xander the signal to lead him into the bathroom. Once they shut the door behind them, locking the curious Honey out of the room, Aaron reached for Xander's shirt. "How's your back?" 110


"Just stings a little. Probably won't even leave a scar." He stood patiently as Aaron stripped him out of the garment, and turned when prodded so Aaron could get a close up look himself. The EMT had used butterfly bandages to hold together the edges of the ragged scratch that ran from his right side along the ribcage diagonally across the small of his back. It wasn't deep, but it wasn't a clean cut, either, and Aaron wasn't entirely convinced Xander's prognosis was correct. "Do you want to listen to my lungs, too?" Aaron laughed it off and shook his head, but he strongly suspected he would spend most of the night with his head on Xander's chest, marking each beat of his heart and the rhythm of his sleeping breaths. In the meantime, he needed to pull himself together. He didn't want Xander to think he was going to freak out every time something dangerous happened, or every time he suffered an injury. He finished undressing Xander, satisfying himself that his lover did not have any other serious burns or scratches on his body. Now that he had a clear view of Xander's form, his anxiety began to ease, but not completely disappear. Aaron stripped as Xander turned on the shower, playing with the taps until steam started to rise. When Xander stepped into the tub and pulled the curtain, Aaron gathered up their clothes and stuffed them in the hamper in the corner of the room. "We don't get fires like this back in New York," Xander said when Aaron joined him. "Everything's a lot more contained. 111


And half the time, we get sent out on calls because some idiot left a candle too close to the bed." Aaron grabbed the soap and worked up a lather between his hands so he would have an excuse to touch Xander. "I would think some idiot smoking in bed would be the number one reason you get called." Xander ducked his head under the spray, turning his back to Aaron so that he could wash around the scratch and bandages. "No, the number one reason is idiots who can't work their alarms or extinguishers. Fire doesn't even enter into it." Aaron worked around the bandages with light fingers, careful not to aggravate the cut or apply pressure to the tender flesh surrounding it. He fought against the images trying to fill his mind—the beam knocking Xander unconscious, or damaging his spine, or breaking his leg. The fire encroaching on his helpless body. If he gave in to those sorts of thoughts, they would drive him mad. "How many close calls have you had?" Aaron asked. Xander fell silent for so long, he wondered if he'd actually spoken the question aloud. "You really want to know the answer to that question?" came the quiet reply. "Because I'm not going to tell you if you're just going to worry about it some more." "No, but I think I need to know." He concentrated on Xander's neck, washing away the ash and sweat just below his hairline. "I can't just ignore it." "Three. Two when I first started, because I was a cocky bastard who thought he knew everything. And then once last 112


year." The muscles shifted in his back as he reached for shampoo. "I got trapped in a kid's bedroom in a third-floor walk-up. They kept me in observation overnight to clear my lungs." Aaron was glad that Xander wasn't facing him. He didn't want to Xander to see his face as he processed the information and came to terms with it. "We usually don't get wildfires like this. In fact, we go months without even seeing a bit of smoke. I know it's all dangerous. I've been in a few tight spots myself. I've just never ... it didn't really matter to me, until tonight." "And now?" Xander didn't look back. If anyone had seen them, they'd probably say he was too busy pouring out the shampoo to think he was anything but focused on his task. But the tension in his back said otherwise. "Does it change anything?" Aaron's palms moved down Xander's ribs. Every day Xander went to work, Aaron would have to deal with the reality of his job. In a strange city. In a strange, new life. But when Xander came home, Aaron would be there for him. It was a little silly to consider how happy the thought made him. "It doesn't change anything. Not for me." "Good." Xander caught Aaron's wrist and pulled, tugging him both flat against his back and his hand up to his mouth. He pressed a kiss to the palm, in spite of the soap, and then bowed his head. "I was a little afraid you were going to use this with everything else as an excuse to stay behind. Not that I could blame you. Coming with me to New York isn't exactly a prize." 113


"Yes, it is. Hell, it's the prize I've been dreaming about since you left." Xander's swift turnaround took him by surprise. Aaron stepped away to give him room, but the other man's arms snatched him back, one hand at his hip, the other at the back of his neck. Their mouths smashed together, an almost desperate caress, but it was the whimper of need Xander couldn't contain that got to Aaron the most. The kiss didn't last nearly long enough. When Xander broke it off, he rested his forehead against Aaron's, his chest heaving as he struggled for breath. "I lied," Xander panted. "I wasn't a little afraid. I was fucking terrified." "Don't be." Aaron rested his hand against Xander's chest. "I want to be with you. I know I've always had a crush on you. I had you on the pedestal. But in the past few weeks ... I've had the chance to realize that I want to be with you, and all that comes with you, not just the ... fantasy I had." The pounding beneath his palm was proof just how much he wasn't alone in his fears. That was almost more calming than any declaration Xander had made. "I've got time accrued. I can take it off and come out and help when you're ready to do the move." Xander lifted his head, his eyes suddenly bright. Water clung to his long lashes. "We're clear on you living with me, right? I didn't imagine that part of this?" "No, you didn't imagine that part. I can't pass up on an apartment that allows dogs, after all." 114


"And hey, Honey's our matchmaker. We owe her that, at the very least." "I'll be sure to buy her a special treat to thank her." Aaron drew his fingers down Xander's chest to his stomach, and then lower, to brush his knuckles across Xander's shaft. Tilting his head, Aaron sought out the other man's mouth for a kiss that was just as hungry as the previous one, if not as hard. Xander moaned and tightened his hold on Aaron. His cock stiffened with each sweep of their tongues, and in spite of the hot water, sweat rose to the surface of their skin. The scent assailed Aaron's senses. He pushed deeper into Xander's mouth, teeth knocking slightly in their desperation, until the demand for breath finally forced them apart. "I want you." Xander stood under the water, the lather carving paths down his sculpted body, and he groaned when Aaron squeezed his cock. "No, not inside you, not this time. I want you to fuck me." The request hit him in the chest and the groin at the same time. "God, yes. But not in here." "No, not in here." They worked together to scrub the remaining soot and sweat from each other's bodies. Each touch made Aaron ache more, until he was ready to drag Xander out of the bathroom. Judging by the frantic way Xander washed Aaron's back, then pushed him beneath the water, he was just as eager to get out of the shower and into the bedroom. It took ten minutes to get them both washed and rinsed from head to toe. It might have taken less time, but Aaron couldn't keep his 115


mouth to himself. Every time he saw an attractive patch of clean skin, he had to taste it. They were both still dripping water by the time they made it into the bedroom, but Aaron didn't care if the sheets got damp. Hands slid over slick skin, grappling for any kind of hold as Aaron backed Xander toward the bed. Xander only tore away from their kisses to go to the nightstand, taking out the condoms and the lube straightaway to avoid any delays later. Aaron shut the door to Honey's whining, and the sudden plunge into darkness left him as breathless as the possibilities stretching in front of them. He was startled by a rough hand curving around his waist. "How about we do it like we laid the first night?" Xander whispered against his lips. His reverent tone seemed appropriate for some reason, a fealty to the moment. "I'd rather see you, but something tells me we'd get a little rough on my back if we fucked like that." Aaron would have liked to have Xander on his back, but the last thing he wanted to do was reopen Xander's cut. "That's good. Lay on your stomach for now, though." One last kiss and then Xander disappeared, his fingertips trailing across Aaron's side as he left. The bed creaked, and in the dim lighting, he saw the supple curve of Xander's ass, the flex of muscles as he folded his arms beneath his head. "I'm all yours. Do with me what you will." Aaron moaned softly at the thought—the reality—of having Xander all to himself. He didn't think he would ever be accustomed to this, accustomed to Xander's body stretched 116


out in front of him, beautiful and eager. He knelt between Xander's legs and ran his hands up and down the muscled thighs, finding all the spots that made his flesh quiver and tense. Then he moved to the perfect curve of his ass, his palms molding over the cheeks. Xander sighed with each manipulation. His legs spread slightly, the cleft shadowed, but Aaron clearly saw his heavy balls smashed backward. He slipped a hand between Xander's thighs and stroked the tight, thin skin, shivering himself when Xander groaned. "God, that feels good." His legs parted even more. "I think I could get used to this." "Me, too," Aaron murmured, before bending to run his tongue from the small of his back and over his ass. He closed his mouth over the flesh, sucking and nibbling as he moved, encouraged by Xander's moans. Aaron pulled his cheeks apart, exposing Xander's hole. He had never had the chance to use his mouth everywhere on another guy, and his stomach was tight with excitement and nerves. He knew he didn't need to be too anxious about doing it right. Xander never made him feel inadequate for his lack of experience. The first lick around the opening was almost too delicate. He barely felt it. He would have wondered if Xander felt it if the muscles hadn't twitched beneath Aaron's hands, and the hole itself clenched. Aaron ran his tongue around it a second time, a little more daring. This time prompted moans and a hitch of Xander's hips as he pushed his ass further into the air. 117


"How'd you know I love this so much?" Xander said. "I don't remember telling you." Pleasure sliced through Aaron, and he realized he could stay where he was all night, as long as Xander enjoyed it. "You didn't." He let his tongue linger a little longer. "But I thought I'd try it." His fingers dug into the taut flesh a little bit deeper, pulling Xander farther apart. Aaron dragged the flat of his tongue straight over the hole this time, and when Xander pushed back against his face, did it again. And again. Each swipe got wetter. It wouldn't do for lube, but it sure as hell was fun adding to it. With his skin on fire and his daring rising with every hungry sound to come from Xander, Aaron poised over the opening and circled it one more time before pushing his tongue slowly inside. They groaned in unison. "If your tongue feels this good, I'm going to shoot as soon as I get that prick of yours inside me." Aaron's cock throbbed. He wanted to stroke himself to relieve the pressure, but he wrapped his hand around Xander's shaft instead. After only a few strokes, Aaron's palm was slick with pre-come. His own cock leaked just as freely, the tip dragging across the blanket each time he rocked forward, pushing his tongue into Xander's clenched body. He heard him rustle with the box, though when his legs moved, rolling to the side, it wasn't the condom Xander held.

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"Come up here so I can slick you up," came the hoarse command. "You keep jacking me off, and I'm not going to last." Aaron straightened and licked his palm, chasing the taste of Xander's arousal and skin. He crawled up the bed, dropping kisses on Xander's stomach and chest as he moved, until his cock was within Xander's reach. Aaron fused their mouths together, his tongue plunging between Xander's lips . Xander devoured every sweep, though he never took the initiative. For all his words, he conceded to Aaron's lead, allowing him to control the tempo, the depth. All he did to stretch their boundaries was exactly as he'd told Aaron—he reached between their bodies to find the long, aching length of Aaron's cock. A condom rolled over his cock first, but then it was lube, warm and slippery from Xander's skin. He'd already coated his hands, the slick even between his fingers, and he didn't hesitate to spread it everywhere he could touch. No inch was left alone. He even dipped down and dragged his palm over Aaron's balls, ending with a slight tug that sent frissons up Aaron's spine. Aaron broke the kiss with a sharp gasp. "Do you need me to do anything? Stretch you?" "Only if you want to." Xander licked along Aaron's lower lip. "Otherwise, all I need is for you to fuck me." Aaron kissed Xander's jaw, delighted by the hint of stubble. Aaron couldn't get enough of that rough texture, or the salty flavor of his skin. "Turn around then," he murmured, gently nudging Xander's hip. 119


He hadn't seen Xander move that fast outside of a fire. When he chuckled, Xander elbowed him playfully in the stomach. "If you knew how long it's been since someone's fucked me, you wouldn't be laughing." "Well, how long has it been?" "Three and a half years." He ground back against Aaron's slick cock. "Which means it's more than time." Aaron wanted to ask more questions. Why so long? Who was it? Somebody steady or a one-night stand? But now wasn't the time to delve into Xander's private life. Instead of giving voice to his questions, Aaron ran his fingers down his cock, gathering a bit of the lube before pressing his slick fingertips into Xander's passage. He rotated his wrist, spreading the lube, but didn't do more to stretch him. He couldn't. His whole body was throbbing, waiting to feel Xander's tight body finally clenched around him. Aaron gripped the base of his cock and guided it to the tight ring. He started slow, but once he felt the amazing heat around the crown, he couldn't hold himself back. He pushed forward until his balls brushed against Xander's. In spite of the scratch, he pressed into Xander's back. He needed to. He needed the heat, the solidity, the knowledge that he wasn't the only one trembling here. And he wasn't. As soon as he'd pushed past the tight outer ring, Xander had started a whimper that lasted until Aaron wrapped his arm around his waist. Xander tilted his head back, resting it on Aaron's shoulder, and pulled the embrace even tighter. 120


"Give me a second," he begged. "God, just don't move yet." "Okay. I won't move. I won't." He brushed his lips across Xander's brow, temple, and ear. Anywhere he could reach until Xander angled his head to meet Aaron's lips. He explored Xander's mouth slowly, holding himself back in every way, even though it took all of his self-control. Especially with Xander's body clenched and pulsing around his cock, hotter and tighter than anything Aaron had could remember. Aaron didn't know who moved first. It had to have been Xander. His head was spinning from the exhilarating kisses, and the smothering heat, and the sheer scent of this man's body pressed so intimately to his. But then there was movement, an almost gentle rocking, a tilting of hips that sent electricity shooting across his skin. It was shallow and almost inconsequential at first, but by the time Xander licked at the corner of Aaron's mouth, each stroke exposed nearly half his cock, just to entice him back inside the tight passage. Aaron was happy to let the slow rhythm continue, just as long as they kept moving. Every time he closed his eyes, Xander nibbled at his lips, prompting him to focus on Xander's face and body once again. He felt flushed, like they were still near the wildfire, and the heat could curl right into his veins and wrap around his flesh. He slid his palm down Xander's stomach, seeking out his cock, then moving lower to cup his sac. "I love you," Xander murmured, and then smiled against his mouth. "Who knew you'd grow up so good?" 121


"I'm just glad you got the chance to see how I grew up." Xander clenched around him, and Aaron was forced to stop for a moment, too overwhelmed to continue. "And I'm glad ... that you're better than ... anything I ever hoped for." Xander crushed their lips back together, stealing any more words, any more thoughts, anything resembling rational behavior. Aaron knew he could have spilled more, could likely have said far too much and destroyed any macho cred he might have left, but this was just as good, this let him taste and sink into Xander in all the best ways. When Xander reached down and covered his hand, Aaron let him drag it up to his cock, folding his fingers over Aaron's as they stroked his length in tandem. It took too long to realize that Xander was mirroring the rhythm Aaron had already set, and when Xander began to speed up, he pushed back onto Aaron's shaft with the same intensity. Aaron leaned away from Xander's back, putting a few inches between his chest and the wound. He still had the presence of mind to know he didn't want to hurt Xander, but he was quickly losing the ability to think clearly. Especially after he took control back from Xander, quickening the tempo. He lengthened his strokes as well, easing out almost completely before slamming forward again. Xander's hand fell away, leaving Aaron in complete control. It was his speed that pushed them closer and closer to the edge, his strength that dictated just how hard he tore into Xander's ass. When Xander cried out again and again, Aaron knew it was because of his involvement, his doing, not anything that Xander might be doing himself. That knowledge 122


was more than enough to make everything sizzle. The world was already teetering and crisp. He doubted it would take much at all to make it even more. He was right. Xander's entire body went rigid for a split second as a shout ripped from his throat. The cock in Aaron's hand jerked, and then the vein running along its thick shaft throbbed, hot fluid spilling over Aaron's fingers. He didn't stop. The pressure of Xander clamping down so Aaron had to fight to plough into him was the most scintillating thing he had ever known. Aaron shuttled into Xander's passage faster and Xander began grunting and whispering words of encouragement. Just as his balls tightened, he jerked his body forward and found Xander's mouth again, momentarily unmindful of Xander's wound—unmindful of everything that wasn't Xander's ass and his mouth. Their lips smashed together just as his cock jerked, and pleasure, white hot and scorching, raced through him. "God ... love you so much..." The hand Xander stroked over the side of his face was tender. He took another kiss from Aaron, and another, and yet another, until Aaron had no choice but to pull back and gasp, their flesh too enflamed to touch. When he opened his eyes and saw Xander's, pale and clear and adoring even in the dim light, he fell head over heels all over again. "We're going to make it," Xander said. "I promise you." Aaron believed him. Not because he once thought Xander hung the moon. Not because he was foolishly optimistic. Not 123


even because he needed to believe it. Aaron believed it because he wasn't going to settle for anything less. [Back to Table of Contents]

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Jamie Craig Jamie Craig is the collaborative efforts of Pepper Espinoza and Vivien Dean. Both successful authors on their own, they began working together in early 2006. Pepper lives with her husband and cats in Utah, where she attends graduate school, and Vivien resides in northern California with her husband and two children. **** Don't miss Dirty Love, by Lacey Savage, available at AmberHeat.com! Isabel Warren wouldn't dream of defying the morality statutes that forbid women over forty from ever making love again. As a medical practitioner, she understands the need for laws preventing "dirty love." The S.O.S. virus of 2030 left most of the male population infertile and turned human DNA into something resembling a microscopic jigsaw puzzle. The virus itself is undoubtedly dangerous, but older women are perhaps the most significant threat humanity has ever faced. Yet knowing what's forbidden and keeping her feminine urges under lock and key are two different things. Especially when Isy's most recent assignment requires her to run intimate tests on Connor Flynn, a man sixteen years her junior, who seems determined to prove she's not the monster everyone else thinks she is. And if such delicious temptation 125


wasn't bad enough, she's also got Trevor Jones to worry about. It seems he, too, is willing to risk everything to be with her. Two sexy men, and one woman who could destroy them both ... if they don't destroy her first... **** Don't miss the next Calendar Boys— September: A Simple Truth Available at AmberAllure.com! Charlie Labrecque has lived a lie for most of his adult life, choosing to marry a woman and father a child rather than come out of the closet. But now that he is divorced and sees his young son only half the year, he decides it is time to start being honest with himself. And his friends. Starting with his best friend, openly gay Bryce Hanson. Bryce responds with his encouragement, and promises to be Charlie's training wheels through the difficult transition. But now that both men feel like they can be honest with each other, new desires are found, new truths spoken. **** Don't miss Dressed For Dying by Janet Quinn, available at AmberQuill.com! 126


In 1892, reporter Sean Madigan is pitted against the New York police when he's assigned his first high-profile murder story, the slaying of the wealthy Marshal Haversham, clothing industry mogel and sweatshop owner. While Sean hunts for the killer in order to prove his worth to his newspaper editor, the madman goes on a violent spree, burning down Haversham's warehouses and sweatshops and killing young women who work within them. Each victim is found dressed in a fancy ball gown that was secretly made within the sweatshops themselves. When Madigan's sweetheart, Bridget, becomes the killer's next target, Sean determines he will find the man and his connection to the ball gowns. But the murderer has other designs, and it soon becomes a race against time and the police to discover the fiend's identity before he silences Sean or Bridget ... permanently... [Back to Table of Contents]

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Amber Quill's Rewards Program For every ten books bought, receive one free! Visit all three of Amber Quill's web sites for our very latest releases!! **** AMBER HEAT EROTICA Gimme Fever!! Steamy, sensual genre fiction... www.AmberHeat.com **** AMBER ALLURE Where love is blind to gender... www.AmberAllure.com **** 128


AMBER QUILL PRESS, LLC Quality Books, Print And Electronic Genre fiction at its best! www.AmberQuill.com

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Miss August

August Heat

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