Anger and Conflict Management
Leader’s Guide
A ten-hour class for teens and/or adults By Gerry Dunne, Ph.D.
Copyright © 2003, Gerry Dunne, Ph.D. All Rights Reserved. This Anger and Conflict Management: Leader’s Guide offers sequential learning experiences in direct correspondence with its “partner” book: Anger and Conflict Management: Personal Handbook. All participants in each class led by a trainer/facilitator using this guide should be provided individual copies of the Personal Handbook. Personal Handbooks may be purchased as single books or in quantity at discount. To obtain copies of the Personal Handbook and additional Leader’s Guides, contact: Personhood Press P.O. Box 1185 Torrance, CA 90505 (800) 662-9662
[email protected] To inquire regarding classes for participants or training of trainers led by the author, contact: Gerry Dunne, Ph.D.: (360) 666-5057 *
[email protected] Permission is granted to reproduce unlimited copies of: Participant Information Form, page 20 Certificate of Attendance and Participation, page 56 Evaluation form, page 57 Art in this guide and Participant’s Handbook may be used for marketing purposes. Cover art and logos by Linda Jean Thille. Interior graphics and layout by Lori Bouslaugh. ISBN: 1-932181-10-5 Printed in the United States of America
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Contents Dear Colleague
Getting Ready Class Structure When is it too late for new participants to join the class? What about tuition and the Personal Handbooks? Why combine teens and adults? Tips for Conducting the Activities Outreach Determining and Reporting Results Last Word Author’s Biography Agenda, First Class Session
Greetings and Introductions Overview of participant's Personal Handbook Review of Guiding Principles for the Class Activity: “How Does Your Own Anger Affect You?” Groups of Four: “Dealing with Anger” Presentation: “Appropriate and Inappropriate Anger” Groups of Four: “Anger: Feel It and Channel It” Challenges for the Coming Week: Homework and Life Work Agenda, Second Class Session
Greetings and Opening Discussion Review of Information in First Session Groups of Four: “An Appropriate Anger Experience During the Past Week” Presentation and Discussion: “When Anger Happens in Families” Team Planning Session and Team Reports: “Stepping In” Presentation and Dyads: “What Does It Take to Use Your Anger Constructively?” Challenges for the Coming Week: Homework and Life Work Agenda, Third Class Session
Greetings and Opening Discussion Review of Information in Second Session Guided Discussion: “What Good Communicators Do and Don’t Do” Dyads: “When The Eyes Make Contact” Team Planning Session, Scenario Presentations, and Discussion: “Your Body Speaks Your Truth” Presentation and Role Play: “The Communication Stoppers” Presentation: “The Highest Level of Listening” Challenges for the Coming Week: Homework and Life Work iii
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Agenda, Fourth Class Session
Greetings and Opening Discussion Review of Information in Third Session Presentation, Dyads and Discussion: “Hearing with the Third Ear” Presentation and Discussion: “Becoming Assertive!” Presentation, Dyads and Discussion: “Conflict Happens!” Team Planning and Presentations: “Conflict Management Strategies” Dyads and Discussion: “What Strategy Would You Use?” Challenges for the Coming Week: Homework and Life Work Agenda, Fifth Class Session
Greetings and Opening Discussion Review of Information in Fourth Session Groups of Four: “How Constructive and Destructive Actions Affect Us” Team Planning Session, Presentations and Discussion: “When the Going Really Gets Tough” Challenges for the Rest of Our Lives: Homework and Life Work Distribution of Certificates Class Evaluation Participant Certificate Participant Evaluation Form Sample Flyer 1 Sample Flyer 2
39 40 40 41 42 43 45 46 47 49 50 51 52 53 55 55 55 56 57 58 59
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Dear Colleague, Welcome to the fulfilling challenge of teaching Anger and Conflict Management! Whether you are an employed leader/trainer and will conduct the class as part of your job, or an independent contractor offering the class to various organizations for free or pay, I encourage you to follow this guide blended with your own creative contributions. The guide is geared to help participants derive maximum meaning from their text/guided journal, Anger and Conflict Management: Personal Handbook, in a lively, experiential and safe class atmosphere. Added to that, your unique personality and ideas will make the class come alive! I developed this class over the latter part of 2002 and early 2003 while teaching it on a regular basis to one group after another as an independent contractor with the North (Clark) County Community Food Bank in Battle Ground, Washington where I live. The classes have been supported by a grant from Washington Mutual Foundation and are very well received. At this writing expansion to nearby communities is being planned. (More on this in the “Outreach” section, later.) On these pages I offer some tips and ideas--ways to conduct and advertise the class that work well for me.
Getting Ready As I went through the evolving process of putting this class together, I found it necessary to prepare on two fronts: internal and external. Let me tell you about the internal side first. As all of my short stories in the handbook reveal, I have struggled with out-of-control anger beginning in childhood -- my own and that of others. For years I also struggled to understand and manage it and made some gains, but at length the time had come to face all of my personal history as well as my present attitudes and conclusions about anger. The course content and short stories came rushing out of me as a result. Amazingly enough, although I winced at many memories, the overall result was cleansing. I assume you have entered this process already (or you wouldn’t be planning to teach anger and conflict management) and I respect you for it. I suggest you keep
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at your self-examination. Find your wounds and lick them. And find those times in your own past when anger may have used you--those are the times in all of our lives that level the playing field between us. If there’s anything we need to be when we teach anger and conflict management, it’s human--just as prone to feel anger and apt to get into snarls with other people as the participants in our classes. This doesn’t mean you have to tell your classes anything you’d rather not reveal about yourself or anyone else. (I don’t, and they know it. When I review the guiding principles in the first and second class sessions I point out that privacy is very important. I tell them I have done some things, and left some things undone, when in an angry state that I’m not proud of. I explain that I changed many names of real characters in the short stories and will share only those memories I am comfortable sharing in class. I encourage them to do the same.) The experiences I do share, however, and the lessons I learned from those experiences are of keen interest to the participants. I can predict with confidence that you will find the same to be true for you. Along with an accepting, non-judgmental manner, your personal stories tell the participants that anger belongs to us all, that managing it is a challenge everyone faces. This gives you credibility, which in turn allows them to take the class seriously and gain from it. Now, let’s turn our attention to the “externals.”
Class structure This guide provides directions for leading a ten-hour class in five, two-hour sessions carried out at regular intervals, generally one week apart. I conducted my first classes on five consecutive weekday evenings. Another option is to conduct the class in two five-hour sessions such as two consecutive Saturdays. There are tradeoffs with both approaches. The advantage of allowing a longer time for the participants to integrate the information with appropriate repeats of key concepts gained in the former format are reduced in the latter. However, the latter format has the practical advantage of making it necessary for participants to “show up” only twice instead of five times. If you opt to teach the class in two five-hour sessions follow the structure in this guide leaving out three of the four “openings” and “reviews of the prior sessions” which appear at the beginning of the directions for each two-hour session. (One expanded opening and review will work for your second five-hour session.) This will create about an hour of extra time. If you take a more relaxed pace in delivering the five segments the extra hour may easily be filled but there are other options.
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First option: Discuss the short stories and/or create a reader’s theatre! The short stories lend themselves well to discussion. If you set up a reader’s theatre, take the role of narrator yourself or assign it to a series of participant volunteers. Give speaking parts of characters in each story--the statements inside quote marks--to volunteers. Read the story all the way through without interruption. Afterward, discuss it with the class from the point of view of what it taught the author and what it can teach us. Second option: Bring in a guest speaker! My husband, Dennis Alberson, an LCSW of many years experience (and source of numerous concepts in the Personal Handbook) makes a 30 to 40 minute visit to each of my classes when we are focusing on anger and family dynamics. First, Dennis makes a presentation of about 20 minutes concerning specific cases (with names changed, of course) where out-of-control, anger-driven behavior has had destructive outcomes within families he has counseled. He describes how he works with such families to change attitudes and behavior and what the results have been. A question and answer period follows. (I like to lighten things up by telling the participants this is their chance “to ask a shrink anything they’ve ever wanted to ask one but never had the chance.”) These presentations are refreshing for the participants, many of whom have never seen a counselor and have thought that doing so would stigmatize them. From these presentations participants are enabled to learn, first hand, that counselors, like themselves, are human yet very helpful people. If you are in touch with a licensed counselor who is willing to make such a presentation this may be your preferred way to fill the extra hour. (If some participants wish extra professional help they may schedule counseling sessions with your guest speaker since you have “introduced” them to each other. Of course, if you are a licensed counselor your participants also have the same option to arrange for counseling sessions with you.)
When is it too late for new participants to join the class? My recommendation is based on experience: an individual may join my class no later than the second session if it is a five-session class because a significant amount of review is offered in the second session. Coupled with the information in the Personal Handbook, this review usually works to bring these individuals “up to speed.” In the case of a two-session class comprised of five hours per session, the second session is too late for newcomers to join. I urge these individuals to sign up for the next class.
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What about Tuition and the “Personal Handbooks?” Tuition may not be a consideration if you are offering the class as a benefit to a certain audience, such as employees in your firm, members of your church or association, or to students, faculty and/or parents in your school. However, tuition may be necessary to support the program in other circumstances. Our food bank charges tuition but for residents in our service area the cost is based on a “sliding income scale” with some individuals receiving full scholarships. In these cases we did ask most of them to pay for their handbooks, however. You are encouraged to set the tuition at a level that works for you. Be sure to cover your costs for the Personal Handbooks. Every class member needs to have a Personal Handbook whether the cost is covered by the organization or by the participants themselves. I have found that many participants are more likely to value their handbooks if they pay for them. Tell the participants to bring their handbooks with them to each class session. I have frequently had participants ask if they could purchase additional handbooks for persons who were not able to attend the class. (One person bought one for each of her fifteen grandchildren, most of whom were in their teens and twenties.) I was pleased to be able to handle her purchase and I encourage you to make extra handbooks available to your participants who may also want to purchase extras. For this reason I recommend you bring extra handbooks to each class session and let the participants know they can purchase them at the end of the session.
Why combine teens and adults? First, I assure you that combining teens and adults in the class is an option and it’s sometimes best if parents and their teen children attend separate classes. The guide and handbooks are structured with examples and scenarios that “speak to” both age groups. Likewise, the class has been structured so that it may be conducted with one group, or the other, or a combination. Combining teens and adults in the class creates an additional challenge for the facilitator. However, it’s been worth it for me for the following reasons: !
A very rich variety of viewpoints are present which makes the class even more interesting.
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Adults were teens themselves and are likely to gain renewed respect and empathy for teens by being with them and reminded of their issues.
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Teens will soon be adults and are likely to gain increased respect and empathy for adults by being with them and hearing about their issues.
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By encouraging members of both groups to attend you are also more likely to have full classes--an important practical consideration.
A Word about the Guiding Principles and Ground Rules I cannot overemphasize how important it is to carefully review the guiding principles and ground rules for the class in the first and second sessions. The statement advising counseling if serious destructive urges are felt should also be reviewed. (These are in the handbook on page 1.) Since new participants may join the class in the second session of a five-session class they will not benefit from this discussion otherwise. Others can profit from a reminder. This review sets the tone for the class assuring everyone that it will be a safe and stimulating experience, not one that will cause embarrassment, or worse. Of course, a certain amount of unplanned, spontaneous banter will occur and serves a good purpose. However, if a participant behaves in undesirable ways, like pointing a finger at a family member while announcing an anger-driven deed he or she may have done or seriously disrupting class in some other way, be ready to enforce the rules. First, remind the offender of the principles and ground rules. If the offense is repeated, talk respectfully with the individual during a break or at the end of class, asking for cooperation. Explain that you have a responsibility to the other members of the class to keep it safe and effective. Disruptions make it impossible for you to do your job as well as you could otherwise. This is usually all you need to do in extreme cases. But if this approach doesn’t work, ask again privately, perhaps giving a warning that the individual will be asked to leave the class if the unacceptable behavior is repeated. Only as a last resort should someone be dismissed. For the well-being of the other participants you must be ready to do it, however, if the individual chooses to ignore your requests and warnings.
Tips for Conducting the Activities I am an advocate of experiential learning and over my career have found that 19 out of 20 participants in my classes thoroughly enjoy “breaking away” from listening to pure lecture when given the chance to interact meaningfully with other participants. (Unfortunately, that one person in 20 is often very displeased about interacting with others and makes it obvious. I attempt to let these individuals know that I respect their preferences, but I stick with the agenda.)
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The main experiential activities offered in this guide include dyads, groups of four, and teams with assigned tasks. Directions for conducting each activity are provided in detail. However, let’s focus on each of these separately because each has some special considerations which should be kept in mind. Dyads Who partners with whom matters in dyads. Heterogeneity is the key factor: pair teens with adults and emotionally mature individuals with those who are less mature. Split up family members. Place a difficult individual with a very responsible one. If an odd number of participants exists become the partner of the individual without one. If you realize this is going to happen before the activity, plan to pair yourself with a person who seems likely to benefit from partnering with you. Some of the dyad activities are more structured than others. In the less structured ones, it’s a good idea to let the participants know when half of the time for their conversation has passed. I usually blurt loudly over their heads: “If your partner hasn’t spoken yet, give him or her a chance. The time is half gone!” Groups of Four Four people in a group is an ideal number when a topic about personal experiences, feelings and thoughts are shared because it makes for a rich experience and has the powerful effect of increasing the participant’s respect and empathy for one another. Groups of four usually “take care of each other” making sure everyone who wishes to participate has a chance. You can help with this by calling time: “Half of the time is gone. Be sure to give everyone a chance to have a turn in your group.” As in dyads, who meets with whom is very important. Take a strong hand in assigning membership of each group breaking up any difficult pairs, assigning family members to different groups and spreading the teens and adults, and mature and immature individuals out as much as possible. If one or two individuals are “left over” assign them to separate groups of four, creating one or two groups of five. If three are left over they can become a group. Don’t participate in a group yourself. It is more important that you circulate and call half time. Teams with Assigned Tasks The “assigned tasks” referred to here are assimilating specific information from the handbook and then reporting it to the class, usually with a “dramatic demonstration” of some kind.
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I have found that when I teach something I am bound to learn it! The same is true for the participants. I have also found that participants take each other seriously when they teach--sometimes more seriously than they seem to take me. This reality is a bit humbling, but why not capitalize on it? Key considerations are, once again, assigning team membership on a heterogeneous basis: splitting up family members and difficult pairs, and spreading teens and adults, as well as mature and less mature individuals out among the teams as much as possible. Additionally, reduce anxiety about performing by reassuring the participants not to worry about trying to do a perfect job. The object is to get across the information to the group so that they will understand and remember it. Where dramatic demonstrations are concerned, urge the participants to be creative and have fun with this challenge. Urge the teams to involve everyone on the team in reporting and demonstrating as well as planning. What if you don’t have enough participants for the number of teams needed? In this case give each team two topics. Unfortunately, this will expand the amount of time needed for planning. Don’t join a team yourself. You are much more valuable as a circulating consultant to all of the teams during planning periods. Timing is an important variable. It is very easy for the teams to take longer than you would like to prepare, so be clear about how much time will be allotted for preparations as well as performances. I usually tell the participants they will have a shorter time than I think they will need. For example, I typically tell them they will have (five) minutes and at the end of that time some of the teams will invariably beg for more time so I give them (two) more minutes. This allows me to meet my objective of getting the performances started before (10) minutes are up. Had I given them 10 minutes to start with it would have been at least 15 minutes before we were assembled for the performances. During the performance portion of the activity, move things along as best you can. This is a difficult challenge because some very fruitful discussions emerge from these reports and performances. Remember, however, that if you let things drag, they will! As a result participants will tune out and the other activities you wanted to accomplish won’t happen.
Outreach This is a great class to advertise because everyone agrees that it’s needed. Some people think others need it, not them, but I openly state with a grin that this is a class everyone needs, including me! That’s why I’m teaching it! Marketing is not my favorite activity, but I have found so much receptivity in the general population that it has actually been enjoyable. Being connected with our
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local food bank has been very mutually beneficial. The class offers another vital way for the food bank to help people which is very satisfying to our coordinator, Elaine Hertz--a go-getter with great visionary attributes. Our Board of Directors has also expressed satisfaction and pride in offering the classes. The success we experienced with our first class paved the way for one grant and, we hope, others so that we can continue to expand the program. The food bank is connected with numerous other non-profit agencies and organizations in our county and energetically encourages them through e-mails, memos, and direct presentations at meetings, to send their clientele and employees to the class. This support and enthusiasm is very encouraging to me as a facilitator who likes to have substantial numbers of participants in each class. My own outreach activities have included: !
Organizing a new class series to take place in the fellowship hall of a church in a neighboring community. As a result the church has engaged its own outreach efforts even though the class is secular in nature.
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News releases and photos to county newspapers with most published.
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Visits with flyers and brochures to counselors in schools in the county.
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Visits with flyers and brochures to counselors in private practice in the area.
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Flyers and brochures to our county jail to give to offenders ordered to take a class in Anger Management.
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A presentation with flyers and brochures to all of the probation officers in the county’s juvenile justice system.
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Announcements with flyers and brochures to every group with which I am associated.
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Announcements and distribution of flyers and brochures by helpful friends to the memberships of organizations they belong to.
See pages 58 and 59 to view the sample flyers we developed. These are included to give you ideas. You may use any of the language on them that you choose as well as the art in this guide and the Personal Handbook.
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Determining and Reporting Results In many cases a statement to decision makers (granting authorities, boards, company presidents, superintendents, etc.) must be submitted before support is given for any new educational program. Frequently these statements must be in writing and must show how the proposed class will be evaluated to determine its effectiveness. Much of the language needed for these statements can be found in both the Personal Handbook and this guide. Please feel free to use the contents for these purposes. Note that the Participant Information Form (page 20) and Participant Evaluation Form (page 57) provide helpful pre and post content for stating how the results of the class will be determined and reported. One of the questions on the first form, which should be completed by participants at the outset of the class, is: Please state or describe any specific questions, needs and/or expectations you have for the class. The second form, which should be completed by the participants at the end of the class, includes this question: "The class (please check one): _____ met _____ more than met _____ did not meet my needs and expectations." Explain that the responses of each participant to the first question will be read after the first class session in order to ensure that each question, need, and expectation will be addressed during the class. At the end of the class the participant’s responses to all of the questions on the evaluation form will be examined and compared to their stated questions, needs and expectations on the former information form. In particular, the participant’s responses to the question about whether or not the class met, exceeded, or did not meet participants’ needs and expectations will be tallied. Results will be quantified and reported in writing.
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Last Word It pleases me much to paraphrase Ron Johnson, our City of Battle Ground, Chief of Police and President of the North County Community Food Bank, “This class doesn’t just help a few people; it helps our entire community.” I wish you every success in your efforts to help yourself and others learn how to control and use the awesome power of anger!
Sincerely, Gerry Dunne
A resident of Battle Ground, Washington, Gerry earned a Bachelor of Arts Degree at Chapman University in Orange, California, a Master of Science Degree at the University of Southern California, Los Angeles, and a Ph.D. in Psychology at the Saybrook Institute in San Francisco. She has served as a classroom teacher, university professor, publisher, business woman, counselor and trainer/consultant to a wide variety of organizations. She has authored and published over 20 manuals and texts including Preventing Violence in Our Schools (Jalmar Press, Carson, CA). Currently, Gerry serves two universities as adjunct faculty, consults, counsels, and teaches classes in Anger and Conflict Management. Awards include Outstanding Faculty at National University in San Diego and Alumnus of the Year, at Chapman University. Gerry is married, has two sons and two grandchildren.
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First Class Session -- Two Hours How Does Your Own Anger Affect You?
Agenda Themes: Honesty, Courage and Strength I.
Greetings and Introductions
II.
Overview of participant's Personal Handbook
III.
Review of Guiding Principles for the Class
IV.
Activity: “How Does Your Own Anger Affect You?”
V.
Groups of Four: “Dealing with Anger”
VI.
Presentation: “Appropriate and Inappropriate Anger”
VII. Groups of Four: “Anger: Feel It and Channel It” VIII. Challenges for the Coming Week: Homework and Life Work
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I.
Greetings and Introductions (about 10 minutes)
Before the participants arrive, create a friendly seating arrangement by placing the chairs in a horseshoe or concentric rings facing the flip chart. You will need: ! ! ! ! ! !
Name tags Flip chart with prepared sheets. (These include the “Welcome” sheet and sheets for Activity IV and Activity VI.) Magic markers and pencils A copy of Anger and Conflict Management: Personal Handbook for each participant. A copy of the Participant Information Form for each participant on page 20. A copy of the agenda for each participant (optional). (This could also be posted.)
Wearing your own name tag, greet participants individually as they enter the room. Ask their names and write each person's first name in big letters with a magic marker on a name tag. After giving participants their name tags and Personal Handbooks invite them to sit down. On flip chart: Greet the participants warmly and with an air of seriousness. Express your respect to them for being there. Point out the themes for the class on the flip chart and acknowledge them for already showing these qualities by coming to the class. Explain that they will know more about what the class will be like just as soon as they know who each other are.
Welcome to Anger and Conflict Management Today’s Focus: How Does Your Own Anger Affect You? Our Themes: Honesty, Courage and Strength! Trainer/Facilitator: (your name)
Begin introductions by introducing yourself: name, role, and a short statement about your family and career. Example, "I'm Gerry Dunne. Our Community Food Bank is sponsoring this class. I have a Ph.D. in Psychology. I'm married and have two sons and two grandchildren.” Ask the participants to introduce themselves in a similar manner. Model attentive listening. No interruptions or distractions should occur during this important time.
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II.
Overview of Personal Handbook (about 10 minutes)
Ask the participants to turn to page iii of the in their handbooks and to write their names in the space provided. Encourage them to remember that this will be their own private journal. This means it would be a good idea to keep it in a private place.
This is the private Person al Han ________ dbook ________ of ________ ________ If you ______ find it, ple and give ase clo it bac se k to it’s ow it ner. Thank you.
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Next, direct their attention to the Contents which begin on page v. Briefly review the five chapter headings and point out that they can see listed what each one covers. Point out that each chapter is preceded by a short story about the author's related personal experiences. Note that the first three topics in the contents are the focus for this first class session. These are: Guiding Principles for the Class Anger: Feel It and Channel It Chapter One: How does your own anger affect you?
Point out that some very good books and articles about anger management can be found in the Resources section at the end of the handbook.
III. Review of Guiding Principles for the Class (about 10 minutes) Ask the participants to turn to page 1 and to read along with you silently as you read the guiding principles aloud, then ask for comments. Next, ask the participants to read the second part on the page about the ground rules for the class to themselves as you read aloud. Again, ask for comments. Be sure to direct attention to the statement at the bottom of the page which advises them that this class is not meant to take the place of professional counseling or therapy. It further advises them to seek professional advice if they have persistent destructive thoughts about themselves or someone else. Point out that counseling can be extremely helpful to us all at certain times in our lives. If you know at least one competent counselor assure participants that you will be pleased to help if they would like a referral. After this important review, ask the participants if they have any question about the guiding principles, ground rules, or recommendation to seek professional help if they become aware of the need for counseling. Make sure the participants
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understand that the class will operate in accordance with these standards and that whenever necessary you will enforce them for the common good.
IV.
Activity: “How Does Your Own Anger Affect You?” (about 25 minutes)
There are five steps in this opening activity which utilizes the opening pages of Chapter One. Step One: Show the participants this heading on a blank sheet of chart paper:
What makes you angry?
Ask them to turn to page 7 in their handbooks. Read the heading and question together. Supply pencils as needed and encourage the participants to list as many things that make them angry as they can think of in three minutes in the space provided. Make your own list too. At the end of three minutes explain: "Later you are bound to think of more things that provoke you to anger. After class I encourage you to add more to the list and to write in the total number at the bottom of the page. But right now, let's make a group list. I'll start. Here's one of mine." (Write something that makes you appropriately angry under the heading, What makes you angry? Suggestion: When people drive dangerously.) Ask, "Who else has one--something you would feel comfortable sharing that I can write down on the chart?" As the participant's contribute, chart their statements in abbreviated fashion. Ask for more information from time to time and make your own comments. The object is to make it evident that all of us are angered by a variety of provocations.
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IMPORTANT: Add a second provocation of your own that is an example of inappropriate anger but act like it is appropriate. (Suggestion: When I'm doing housework and my spouse is resting.) Chart additional contributions from the group until the page is full. Step Two: Explain, "Anger has many degrees and levels. Some things make us
furious, others just bother us a bit." Read the next segment on page 7 with the participants which suggests they identify their degrees of anger and rank each statement on their list of provocations with a 5, 4, 3, 2, or 1. After the participants have completed their rankings, direct their attention back to the group list and, taking each contribution one-by-one, ask the contributors to individually state the ranks they gave their statements. Be sure to include your own ranks of your own two provocations. Step Three: Read the next segment on page 8 which asks how they experience
anger. Ask, “What images or forces come to mind when you reflect on your angry feelings?” Give the participants time to write down an idea or two. Turn to a blank chart sheet and suggest another group list of images that have come to their minds. Doing this confirms that anger is a normal yet extremely powerful human emotion that can often be very difficult to understand and control. Step Four: (This step and Step Five are the most important parts of this opening activity.) Read the next segment on page 8 with the participants which asks, Is anger bad? “Think about a time when you became angry. Afterward, how did
you feel about yourself?” Give the participants a minute to write down their responses. Step Five: Ask the participants to read the next segment to themselves as you read
aloud. It says: Anger happens! Many people have bad feelings about themselves when they feel angry or just afterward. They do their best to avoid anger or deny it when it happens. But anger is not bad--or good; it just is. Guilt, embarrassment, shame, etc. are unhelpful feelings about your own anger. The fact is that you feel what you feel. What you do with your anger is what matters! Accepting anger is the first step in taking charge of it. (This takes honesty.)
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Add your own comments. Stress this point: “Many people feel bad about themselves after having angry feelings but those bad feelings just complicate things and intensify difficulties. It’s not useful to judge ourselves for our feelings but rather on our actions. Anger is normal just like all the other emotions and we need to accept it as such. The first thing people do, who manage their anger well, is accept their anger and the anger of others.”
V.
Groups of Four: “Dealing with Anger” (about 15 minutes)
There are four steps in this activity. Step One: Assist the participants to form groups of four and then to introduce
themselves to each other. (Take a hand in forming the membership of the groups. Separate troublesome pairs. Mix teens and adults. Place at least one strong, healthy adult in each group.) Step Two: Explain that you will give them a topic to discuss for about six minutes-
giving each participant one to two minutes to speak. Review the ground rules on page 1 of the handbook, then suggest this topic: "Think of a time when you had a perfect right to be angry about something and you handled the situation well. Perhaps it was because something unfair or unjust was happening to you or someone else. If you are comfortable telling the members of your group about it, describe the situation, but leave out the names and identities of the other people who were involved. Also, tell about your feelings, what you did, how things turned out, and how you feel about it now." Step Three: Ask for questions, then allow the participants to begin. Circulate. but
don't insert yourself into any group's discussion. If asked a question, respond briefly and back out quickly. It is important that the participants be allowed to interact solely with each other at this point. Step Four: (This is a transition to your upcoming presentation.) After most or all
of the participants in each group have spoken to the topic ask for everyone's attention. While they are still seated in groups of four ask the participants these questions and model attentive and respectful listening to their responses: "Could you relate to the situations you heard about?" "Could you relate to the feelings other people in your group felt?" "Who heard a description of a good way to handle yourself when you're angry?"
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VI.
Presentation: “Appropriate and Inappropriate Anger” (about 30 minutes)
There are three steps in this activity. Step One: Make the following presentation in your own words: "Did you know that there are two types of anger? The things you just talked about were times you had a perfect right to be angry. Let's call the anger you felt in those situations appropriate anger." (Write Appropriate on a blank sheet of chart paper. See next page.) "There is also inappropriate anger." (Write Inappropriate across from the word appropriate.) "Inappropriate anger is not bad. It's as normal as appropriate anger because all of us have our own 'anger triggers'--things that upset us that aren't completely based on reason. "Later, be sure to read in your handbook about what happens in your body and brain when you become angry and how being human gives you an advantage in managing your anger. This is because human beings have consciousness--the ability to think about what to do in situations and then decide on the best alternative. Managing anger is being aware that you have this ability and using it constructively. "I told you one of my inappropriate 'anger triggers' when we were listing the things that make us angry. Do you remember it?" Wait for responses, then ask: “Why is it inappropriate?” Acknowledge the inappropriateness of your anger in your second contribution to the list and how this kind of anger formed within you. (For example: "Yes. It is inappropriate for me to become angry when I'm doing housework and my spouse is resting because the fact is that at times I rest while my spouse fixes the car, does the dishes, cooks, etc. I have become aware that this anger is not based on reason and since I've become aware of it, it is not as intense as it used to be. But I still experience some annoyance when I’m working in the house and my spouse is relaxing. Why? Because when I was a kid I completely adopted my parents' attitude that work is good and should be done constantly and that resting is being lazy. In particular, they believed that it’s bad to rest when somebody else is working.") Write the words Destructive and Constructive directly below the words, Appropriate and Inappropriate, two former words on the chart and draw rectangles around each one as shown on the next page.
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“Here are the two ways of feeling anger: appropriate and inappropriate. And here are two ways to respond: destructively or constructively. You can act destructively when you are appropriately angry or inappropriately angry. (Draw arrows from the two top words to the word, Destructive.) Or you can decide to act constructively when you are appropriately angry like the times you just talked about in your groups. You can even decide to act constructively when you are inappropriately angry." (Draw arrows from the two top words to the word, Constructive.)
Appropriate
Inappropriate
Destructive
Constructive
"I have two important questions for you: 1. “When is it easiest to act constructively--when you are appropriately angry or inappropriately angry? (Wait for responses.) You got it: when you are appropriately angry. 2. “When is it hardest to act constructively? (Wait for responses.) Yes, when we are inappropriately angry it's hardest to control ourselves. This tells us what the next step in anger management is, after accepting that all feelings of anger are normal--even the inappropriate ones. We need to ask ourselves if our anger is appropriate or not. This isn't easy and takes great self-honesty and courage. The final step to becoming in charge of yourself is resolving to act constructively no matter how you feel. This takes strength. "Let's read what it says about these two kinds of anger starting on page 11.” Step Two: Call on individuals to read the five paragraphs in this section. The first one is under the heading, Understanding the Difference between Appropriate and Inappropriate Anger. Step Three: Direct the participants to pair up with another person who was in their group to read and make decisions about the three scenarios presented in the section called, You Be the Judge, which begins on page 13. Provide about five minutes for this exercise, then discuss the three scenarios as a whole group. Conclude by reading the paragraph under the heading, Past Hurts Come Back! aloud as the participants read it silently. Then proceed to read and discuss the three examples of inappropriate anger offered next, Gunnysacking, Acting On Habit, and Having Unrealistic Expectations. Encourage them to fill in the answers to the questions on these pages and on pages 16 and 17 during the next few days.
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VII. Groups of Four: “Anger: Feel It and Channel It” (about 20 minutes) Direct the participants to reform their groups of four and assign a number to each group member, 1, 2, 3, and 4. Ask them to turn to page 5 in their handbooks. The title is, Anger: Feel It and Channel It. Explain that the ideas on these pages are the main concepts the class is based on. In this first session we have already examined some of them. Read aloud the opening statements at the top of the page to the participants as they listen silently. Next, explain that there are 16 “bulleted” statements to be read in their groups. Member 1 should read the first four bulleted statements aloud followed by a general discussion in which any group member may ask a question to the others or make a comment about any of those statements. Next, member 2 should read the next four statements, member 3 the next four, and member 4 the last four. Encourage them to discuss each segment of statements before the next segment is read.
VIII. Challenges for the Coming Week: Homework and Life Work (about 5 minutes) Ask the participants to turn to page 18 in their handbooks. Tell them you have some challenges for them during the next week. Read the homework assignment aloud as they read silently. Point out that the homework will not to be looked at, or graded, by you. It is a strong suggestion for ways they can stay conscious during the week and manage their own progress in anger management. Next, read the Life Work assignment and encourage the participants to remember to do it during the week.
HOMEWORK
LIFE WORK
Thank the participants for their enthusiastic participation and point out that in our next session we will focus on Anger and Family Dynamics. Last, distribute the Participant Information Form (next page) to the participants and ask them to fill it in and hand it to you before they leave.
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Participant Information Form Name: _____________________________ Phone: __________________
Please explain why you are taking this class. _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________
Please state or describe any specific questions, needs and/or expectations you have for the class: _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________
Was the first class session useful to you? If so, in what way? _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________
How did you hear about the class? _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________
Please use the back of this sheet for any other comments or questions.
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Second Class Session -- Two Hours Anger and Family Dynamics
Agenda Themes: The Right Motive and Consciousness I.
Greetings and Opening Discussion
II.
Review of Information in First Session
III.
Groups of Four: An Appropriate Anger Experience During the Past Week
IV.
Presentation and Discussion: “When Anger Happens in Families”
V.
Team Planning Session and Team Reports, “Stepping In”
VI.
Presentation and Dyads: “What Does It Take to Use Your Anger Constructively?”
VII. Challenges for the Coming Week: Homework and Life Work
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I.
Greetings and Opening Discussion (about 10 minutes)
You will need: ! ! ! ! !
Name tags Flip chart with prepared sheets. (These include the “Welcome” sheet and a sheet with a heading for Presentation IV.) Magic markers and pencils A copy of Anger and Conflict Management: Personal Handbook for each new participant A copy of the agenda for each participant (optional). (This could also be posted.)
Start as close as possible to the stated start-up time. As people arrive ask them to make themselves new nametags. If new participants show up welcome them and give them handbooks as well as nametags. Show the new arrivals what was covered in the prior session and suggest that between this session and the next, they read the short story, “Emotions are the Prime Movers…”, as well as Chapter One and answer the questions it offers. On flip chart:
Welcome to Session II
Ask everyone present, especially the new participants, to introduce themselves. Point out that it usually takes two introductions for most people to learn names.
Anger and Family Dynamics Our Themes: The Right Motive and Consciousness
Review the homework and life work from the first class session. Ask all, or some, of the following questions: !
“Let’s talk about what happened over the past week. Did you read the short story, “Emotions are the Prime Movers…”? How did you relate to what the author said about her experiences with anger?”
!
“Did you do your homework which was to finish filling in your responses to the questions in Chapter One? What did you notice or learn that you would like to mention?”
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!
“What about the Life Work? Did you observe the causes of people’s anger and how they handled themselves when they were provoked?”
!
“What did you notice in your own reactions to provoking situations?”
!
“Have any questions come to your mind that you would like to ask?”
As the participants respond model attentive and respectful listening. Take honest responses seriously. Allow no disparaging remarks or put-downs from other participants.
II.
Review of Information in First Session (about 15 minutes)
Point out that the themes for the first class session were Honesty, Courage and Strength. Then ask, “What do these themes have to do with anger?” Acknowledge how challenging it is to deal with the force of anger by being honest with ourselves about our anger, and to be courageous and strong in handling ourselves. These are the first steps in anger management. Review the Guiding Principles and Ground Rules for the class by reading them together in the handbooks. Do this very deliberately making your own supportive comments about the importance of honoring the principles and rules in order to make the class useful and safe. (Note: this is very important, especially if there are participants present who have difficulty controlling themselves.) Finally, using the charts from the first session and the handbooks as guides, carefully review the key information and lessons from that session. Here are the major points in question and answer form: !
“In Chapter One we looked at how we are affected by our own anger. Why did we start there?” (Because the logical place to start learning about anger management is with ourselves.)
!
“Does anger occur in degrees?” (Yes, and these are different for different people. What might infuriate me just irritates you.)
!
“What were some of the images we associated with anger?” (Possible images: volcanoes, tidal waves, the color red, etc.)
!
“Is anger bad?” (No. It’s not good either. It’s a feeling everyone experiences at times. Only actions can be judged bad or good. What you do with your anger is what matters!)
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!
“What are the two main types of anger?” (There are two major types of anger: appropriate and inappropriate; everyone experiences both types.)
!
“What is the main cause of inappropriate anger?” (Inappropriate anger usually “comes from” past hurts.)
Refer the participants to page 23 at the beginning of Chapter Two. Read the three paragraphs aloud under the heading, Anger is a Natural Emotion! as they read to themselves. Next, review the brief true/false quiz on page 24 together. (The answers are in the next paragraph.)
III. Groups of Four: “An Appropriate Anger Experience During the Past Week” (about 15 minutes) There are two parts to this activity, a “prelude” and four steps. Prelude: Point to the themes for the second class session: The Right Motive and Consciousness! on the flip chart. Point out that these themes will be self-evident
as the session continues. Step One: Ask the participants to form the same groups of four as in the first
session, or to form new groups. (The latter course is recommended if several new participants have joined the class and/or adjustments in group membership should be made.) Step Two: Explain that you are going to give them eight minutes to take turns
speaking to a topic. Remind the participants to follow the ground rules, then announce the topic: “An Appropriate Anger Experience During the Past Week (or month).” Elaborate: “If you choose to speak, the experience you tell may be about something you felt shouldn’t have happened. It could have been something unfair or wrong that happened to you or someone else that caused you to feel appropriate anger. Tell what caused it, describe your thoughts and feelings and tell your group members what level of anger it was for you: 5, 4, 3, 2, or 1.” Step Three: Provide eight minutes for the participants to share their stories. As in
the first session, circulate and briefly answer any questions they might have, but don’t absorb the time by keeping their attention on you. Step Four: At the end of the time ask for everyone’s attention. Lead a full group discussion, asking:
“How did it feel to talk about these situations?”
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“When you heard others in your group describe situations, what feelings did you notice in yourself?” “How did you know your anger was appropriate?” “This is just for you to think about. Is it possible that the anger you experienced was, in reality, inappropriate? (Remember, when we are experiencing inappropriate anger it feels very appropriate. Only later are most people able to catch on and realize that their anger was actually based on a past hurt or an unrealistic expectation. This level of self-honesty is very challenging. It takes courage and strength to do it.)”
IV.
Presentation and Discussion: “When Anger Happens in Families” (about 20 minutes)
Ask the participants if they read the short story, “Have You Heard the One about the Puzzled New Husband?” which precedes Chapter Two. Point out that the story reveals some unfortunate destructive anger “patterns” that were formed in the author’s family from one generation to the next. This is a major concern in family dynamics. Invite reactions to the story. Review the rest of page 24 in the handbook with the participants. Begin by reading the three paragraphs under the heading, When Anger Happens in Families aloud as they read to themselves. Before proceeding ask for comments and questions. Show the participants this heading on a blank sheet of chart paper:
Destructive Actions
Next, list these behaviors one-by-one:
Unconscious imitation Acting out Displacement Scapegoating Rivalries 25
As you write each one, describe it in your own words in accordance with the explanations on pages 25 and 26 in the handbook. After you describe each one, ask the participants if any examples come to their minds that they would feel comfortable sharing without naming names or revealing relationships. Explain that the purpose of focusing on these behaviors, which are common in many families, is to help us become more aware of them, not to cause debilitating guilt and shame. IMPORTANT: Point out to the participants that the next sections in the handbook, Take a Look at Your Own Family, and Ideas for Stopping, and Rechannelling Destructive Behavior at Home (pages 26 to 28) offer them a
chance to examine their own families and their own behavior at home. Explain that they should read these pages on their own and respond to them in writing in private. Then go over all of the questions in this section with them so they will be aware that, once again, the first person to examine is themselves before focusing on the actions of other family members.
V.
Team Planning Session and Team Reports: “Stepping In” (about 30 minutes)
There are four steps in this activity. Step One: Ask the participants to turn to page 29 and to silently read the paragraph under the heading, What if someone else in your family is being irrational and destructive? as you read it aloud. The focus is on how to “step
in” effectively. Step Two: Form five teams, each one taking responsibility for planning and
making a report to the large group, as follows: ! ! ! ! !
Team One: Unconscious Imitation (page 29)
Team Two: Acting Out (page 29-30) Team Three: Displacement (page 30) Team Four: Scapegoating (page 31) Team Five: Rivalries (page 31-32)
Assign who will work with whom on the teams and then help them move to the various corners of the room. Then explain the assignment: “Your job is to work together to plan a report about your team’s topic that you will deliver to the whole group after you plan it. We’ll take five minutes for planning. You will notice that the author has provided some ideas for how to respond to a family member who is not being rational or doing a destructive action. Include those ideas in your report and be sure to add any other ideas your team comes up with as well. Have everyone on your team participate in making the presentation. Any questions?”
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Regarding topics: you may assign these or allow the teams to choose which one they would like to present. If two teams want the same topic suggest they flip a coin. Write the name of the members of the teams on the chart so you can keep track. Step Three: Signal the teams to get started. Circulate and serve as a coach and
consultant as they plan. Don’t allow yourself to become overly involved with any of the teams. Responsibility for their presentations should remain in their own hands. Step Four: Beginning with Team One’s report, facilitate the delivery of all of the
reports helping to make clarifications and to answer questions only as needed. To the extent possible allow the teams to take full responsibility for elaborating on their topics. When a team has completed its report ask the group if it has any questions to deliver to the reporters. Drop your role as teacher at this time and take the role of member of the whole group. You may even have a question or two yourself for the teams at the end of their reports. Encourage participants to write ideas offered by the teams in their handbooks. When all of the reports have been made, thank the participants for their willingness to help teach and for doing it so well.
VI.
Presentation and Dyads: “What Does It Take to Use Your Anger Constructively?” (about 25 minutes)
There are two parts to this activity. Part One: Read aloud the paragraph on page 32 under the heading, What does it take to use your anger constructively? as the participants read it silently to
themselves. Then explain the two key concepts that follow in your own words. They are: The Right Motive! and Consciousness! Part Two: Facilitate dyad discussions with three rounds. Form dyads by assigning
each participant a partner--pairings you believe will be advantageous to each person. Ask them to face each other and to take five seconds to decide who will be A and who will be B. Explain: “The handbook suggests three ways to stay conscious: Conscious Imitation, Conscious Self Talk and Letting Off Steam Consciously. We will have three dyad rounds, each round focusing on one of these ways to stay conscious until we have discussed all three. I will give you directions for what to do.”
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Here’s the process: Round One: Topic: Conscious Imitation. “In this class we have looked at
how easy it is to unconsciously imitate others. But imitation can also be conscious. Who do you know, or know of, who handles, or handled, their anger well? This is someone you can purposely try to act like. Perhaps you have a personal hero or heroine you admire and would like to be like or maybe you would like to be like a character in a book or movie. Take one minute to tell your partner who the person is and what the qualities and characteristics are that you believe are worth emulating.” Signal the first minute for A to speak; then signal the second minute for B to speak.
Round Two: Topic: Conscious self-talk: “When you think about situations,
people, and your own reactions, you are "talking with yourself" whether you realize it or not. What kind of self-talk do you do? When angry do you work yourself up into more anger or do you face the feeling and then talk to yourself in ways that help? For example: in your mind you could say: ‘Chill out.’ ‘Calm down.’ ‘You can handle it. This will pass.’ Tell your partner at least one thought (a message you can purposely send yourself) that could help you use your anger constructively.” Signal the first minute for A to speak; then signal the second minute for B to speak.
Round Three: Topic: Letting Off Steam Consciously: “Sometimes each of us can get so mad that conscious anger management just can't happen and we know it. If you feel furious and the impulse to hurt someone, or yourself, is strong, that's when you can decide to let off some steam for awhile before trying to figure out what happened and what to do about it. Physical activities like running, hiking, lifting weights, dancing, gardening, or playing a sport, often work very well for people when they are stuck in an angry state. Others just do something else for awhile that fully absorbs their attention until they feel better, like watching a movie, playing a musical instrument, or reading a book. Tell your partner what works best for you.”
Signal the first minute for A to speak; then signal the second minute for B to speak.
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VII. Challenges for the Coming Week: Homework and Life Work (about five minutes) Before concluding the session ask for any questions or comments the participants might have. Then refer them to page 34 in their handbooks. Read the homework assignment aloud as they read silently. Next, read the Life Work assignment and encourage the participants to remember to do it during the week.
HOMEWORK
LIFE WORK
Finally, recommend that the participants read the short story, Adelita, before the next session. Thank the participants for their valuable contributions to the class and point out that in the next session the focus is on communication. This is a very important element in anger and conflict management.
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Third Class Session -- Two Hours Anger and Interpersonal Communication
Agenda Themes: Speak Your Truth; Listen to Understand I.
Greetings and Opening Discussion
II.
Review of Information in Second Session
III.
Guided Discussion: “What Good Communicators Do and Don’t Do”
IV.
Dyads: “When The Eyes Make Contact”
V.
Team Planning Session, Scenario Presentations, and Discussion: “Your Body Speaks Your Truth”
VI.
Presentation and Role Play: “The Communication Stoppers”
VII. Presentation: “The Highest Level of Listening” VIII. Challenges for the Coming Week: Homework and Life Work
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I.
Greetings and Opening Discussion (about 10 minutes)
You will need: ! ! !
Flip chart with four prepared sheets. (These include the “Welcome” sheet and charts for Activities III, V, and VI.) Magic markers and pencils A copy of the agenda for each participant (optional). (This could also be posted.)
On flip chart: Welcome to Session III
Greet the participants and introduce the opening discussion by asking all, or some, of the following questions:
Anger and Interpersonal Communication Our Themes: Speak Your Truth; Listen to Understand
!
“What happened over the past week? Did you do the homework by filling in your responses to the questions in Chapter Two? What did you notice or learn that you would feel comfortable telling us about?”
!
“What about the Life Work? If you became provoked at home, what did you notice about yourself? Did you stay away from unconscious imitation, acting out, displacing your anger on someone (or something) else, scapegoating someone or becoming the scapegoat, or stirring up a rivalry? If you would feel comfortable telling us about what you noticed in yourself, we would like to hear about it.”
!
“Did you read the short story, “Have You Heard the One about the Puzzled New Husband?” How did you relate to what the author had to say about anger in her family?”
!
“Did any questions come up that you would like to ask?”
Model attentive and respectful listening as the participants respond. Point out that self-awareness can be very unsettling at times, but it is essential if we are going to change our habits and become better managers of our anger.
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II.
Review of Information in Second Session (about 15 minutes)
Remind the participants that the themes for the second session were The Right Motive and Consciousness. Elaborate: “Having the right motive may sound easy, but when a person is angry the feelings of hurt, confusion, fear, and animosity can make it very difficult to try to create peace and harmony. Often it’s impossible until we calm down and think things over. Just staying in control of ourselves until we’re able to do that is an accomplishment, especially if the person we’re upset with is a family member and right at hand. That’s when consciousness comes in. Consciousness is the power you have to keep control of yourself until you figure out what to do that will not be destructive.” Using the flip chart and the handbooks as guides, review the key information and lessons of the second session. Here are the major points in question and answer form: !
“What is unconscious imitation? Who can tell us how it works or provide an example without naming any names?” (This is imitating the behavior of someone you have spent time with, without realizing you are doing it. An example is the author’s father who unwittingly imitated some of his father’s behavior in the short story, “Have You Heard the One about the Puzzled New Husband?”)
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“What is acting Out?” (This is completely letting go of self-control and allowing your anger to use you. It can be very destructive and usually when it happens the person doing it is not conscious that he or she could be acting differently.)
!
“What is displacement?” (This is targeting a less powerful person [or animal] with destructive anger-driven behavior instead of the more powerful person(s) who actually caused the angry feelings.)
!
“What is scapegoating?” (This is the tendency of family members to look down on, and consistently blame, one particular member of the family for causing problems. When this happens family members usually don’t realize they are participating in creating a destructive pattern that hurts the whole family, especially the “scapegoat.”)
!
“What is a rivalry?” (This is the constant competition and conflict between two or more members of a family who generally do not “fight fair.” The rivals are usually unconscious of how destructive their behavior is to the other person and to themselves.)
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III. Guided Discussion: “What Good Communicators Do and Don’t Do” (about 15 minutes) There are two parts to this discussion, a “prelude” and two steps. Prelude: Point out that the focus for this session is Anger and Interpersonal
Communication. The themes are: Speak your Truth and Listen to Understand. Ask the participants if they read the short story, Adelita. Then ask: “What did the story have to do with communication?” (The story reveals the author ’s lack of communication with her mother in-law when she had the chance and how she wishes she could listen with understanding to her now.) Step One: In your own words explain the importance of interpersonal skills in
accordance with the four introductory paragraphs to Chapter Three on pages 39 to 40 in the handbook. Key concept: anger is easily generated or diminished simply by the way people communicate with each other. Step Two: Direct the participant’s attention to the flip chart prepared like this and
ask them to help you fill it in by saying, “Think about people you feel completely comfortable having conversations with and what they do to make it so. And think about people who are a pain to have conversations with and what they do to make it so.”
Do:
Good Communicators Don’t Do:
Summarize with the key concepts: “Good communicators speak their truth in a straightforward way and they are good listeners!”
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IV.
Dyads: “When the Eyes Make Contact” (about 20 minutes)
There are three steps in this activity. Step One: With everyone’s focus on the chart, point out how many of the
behaviors listed are non-verbal actions. Briefly corroborate the critical role of body language in interpersonal communication in accordance with the two paragraphs under the heading, Your Body Speaks Your Truth on page 40 . Then point out how many of the behaviors on the chart are also listed as ways our bodies speak on page 40 in the handbook. Circle these on the chart. Step Two: Facilitate dyad discussions with two rounds. Form dyads by assigning
each participant a partner—pairings you believe will be advantageous to each person. Ask them to face each other and to take five seconds to decide who will be A and who will be B. Explain: “Let’s experiment with one of the most important non-verbal behaviors: eye contact! I will guide you through each step.” Here’s the process: Round One: Topic: “What I think about the weather we’ve been having.”
A speaks to B on the topic for one minute. B gives no eye contact. A tells B how that felt for one half minute. B gives eye contact. A speaks to B on the topic again for one minute. B gives eye contact. A tells B how that felt for one half minute. B gives eye contact. Round Two: the topic is the same.
B speaks to A on the topic for one minute. A gives no eye contact. B tells A how that felt for one half minute. A gives eye contact. B speaks to A on the topic again for one minute. A gives eye contact. B tells A how that felt for one half minute. A gives eye contact.
Step Three: Hold a summary discussion. Ask the participants:
“How did it feel when you were trying to get your partner to look at you and he or she wouldn’t do it?” “How did you feel when you were the one who was withholding eye contact?” “What does this tell us about the relationship between the eyes and the ears?” Summarize with the key concept: If you want people to know you are listening to them and respect them, give them eye contact!
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V.
Team Planning Session, Scenario Presentations, and Discussion: “Your Body Speaks Your Truth” (About 25 minutes)
There are four steps in this activity.
Your Body Speaks Your Truth
Step One: Show the participants this prepared
chart: Ask them to turn to pages 41 and 43 in their handbooks to see the descriptions of all five of these non-verbal ways of communicating.
Eye contact Facial expressions Gestures Posture Positioning and Movement
Step Two: Form four teams, each one taking
responsibility for presenting one of the four remaining non-verbal behaviors to the whole group, as follows: ! ! ! !
Team One: Facial expressions (page 41) Team Two: Gestures (page 42) Team Three: Posture (pages 42-43) Team Four: Positioning and movement (page 43)
Assign who will work with whom on the teams and assist them to move to the various corners of the room. Then explain the assignment: “Your job is to work together for about five minutes to plan a report about your team’s non-verbal behavior that you will present to the whole group. Also, do some demonstrations of the behavior for us. For example, each person on Team One could demonstrate a different facial expression for us to guess what the feeling is that ‘s producing it. Each topic has lots of creative possibilities. Questions?” Regarding topics: you may assign these or allow the teams to choose which non-
verbal behavior they would like to present. If two teams want the same one suggest they flip a coin. Write the name of the members of the teams on the chart so you can keep track. Step Three: Signal the teams to start planning. Circulate and serve as coach and consultant. Don’t allow yourself to become overly involved with any of the teams. Responsibility for their presentations should remain in their own hands. Step Four: Beginning with Team One, facilitate the delivery of all of the reports and demonstrations. Help make clarifications and to answer questions only as needed. To the extent possible allow the teams to take full responsibility for their presentations. At the end of each one ask the group if it has any questions to deliver to the presenters. Drop your role as teacher at this time and take the role of member of the whole group. You may even have a question or two yourself for the teams at the end of their presentations.
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VI.
Presentation and Role Play: “The Communication Stoppers” (about 25 minutes)
There are two parts to this activity, a “prelude” and four steps. Prelude: Read aloud the two paragraphs on page 44 in the handbook under the heading What About Your Spoken language? as the participants read it silently to
themselves. Then encourage them to answer the two questions which follow during the next week in private. Step One: Show the participants this
prepared chart: Point out to the participants how many of these disrespectful behaviors are the same ones they stated earlier when they named the actions of people who were a pain to talk with. Just like withholding eye contact and other disagreeable non-verbal behaviors, the Communication Stoppers tell people, “I don’t want to listen, I’m not interested, and I have my own agenda.”
The Communication Stoppers Interrupting Probing Dominating Judging Giving Unasked for Advice Misinterpreting Accusing/Criticizing Putting down/Name calling
Explain further: “These actions are very common. We all do them at times and sometimes they are even necessary, but usually not. We are focusing on them in class to help us become more aware of how easy they are to do and what a ‘turn off ’ they are to others. That way we can get better at eliminating them, especially if they have become habits. The purpose is not to make us feel guilty.” Step Two: Ask for eight volunteers and write their names on another region of the
chart so you can keep track of who the individuals are. Explain: “We’re going to do some role playing. Volunteers, I want you to think about a problem you dealt with recently--nothing major, please--just something that may have been inconvenient or irritating like misplacing or forgetting something. I will ask each of you to come to the front and start to tell me about it and while you speak I will attempt to discourage you with one of the Communication Stoppers. After a few interactions we will let the group guess which one I was trying to demonstrate.” Step Three: Conduct the demonstrations in accordance with the descriptions given for each Communication Stopper on pages 46 to 48 in the handbook. At the end of each demonstration, ask the volunteer how it felt to be treated that way. Then ask the group to guess which one you were doing. Make a big check mark next to the right one as well as a check mark next to the name of the volunteer. Proceed until all of the Communication Stoppers have been demonstrated.
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Step Four: Thank the volunteers for their willingness to help. Point out the
descriptions of the Communication Stoppers and the questions about them in the handbook on pages 46 to 49. Encourage the participants to respond to these exercises in private during the next week.
VII. Presentation: “The Highest Level of Listening” (about five minutes) Due to a probable lack of time you will only be able to introduce this important way to listen in this session. Ask the participants to read silently to themselves as you read the section in the handbook, The Highest Level of Listening, on page 50 aloud. Explain that you would like them to read it again to themselves and to do the exercises that follow during the next week. Tell them the class will review them in the next session. As time permits, help the participants to understand this challenging way to listen. The key concept: Listen to understand!
VIII. Challenges for the Coming Week: Homework and Life Work (about five minutes) Before concluding the session ask for any questions or comments the participants might have. Then refer them to page 53 in their handbooks. Read the homework assignment aloud as they read silently. Next, read the Life Work assignment and encourage the participants to remember to do it during the week.
HOMEWORK
LIFE WORK
Thank the participants for their active involvement during the session. Point out that the focus of the next one is on conflict management strategies. Recommendation: read the short story, Life Lessons before the next session.
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Fourth Class Session -- Two Hours Anger and Conflict Management Strategies
Agenda Theme: Become assertive! I.
Greetings and Opening Discussion
II.
Review of Information in Third Session
III.
Presentation, Dyads and Discussion: “Hearing with the Third Ear”
IV.
Presentation and Discussion: “Becoming Assertive!”
V.
Presentation, Dyads and Discussion: “Conflict Happens!”
VI.
Team Planning and Presentations: “Conflict Management Strategies”
VII. Dyads and Discussion: “What Strategy Would You Use?” VIII. Challenges for the Coming Week: Homework and Life Work
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I.
Greetings and Opening Discussion (about 10 minutes)
You will need: ! ! !
Flip chart with four prepared sheets. (These include the “Welcome” sheet and charts for Activities IV, V, and VI.) Magic markers and pencils A copy of the agenda for each participant (optional). (This could also be posted.)
On flip chart:
Welcome to Session IV Greet the participants and introduce the opening discussion by asking all, or some, of the following questions:
Anger and Conflict Management Strategies Our Theme: Become Assertive!
!
“Has anything interesting happened during the past week that relates to what we’ve been talking about in this class? Did you do the homework by filling in your responses to the questions in Chapter Three? What did you notice, or learn, about interpersonal communication that you would feel comfortable telling us?”
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“What about the Life Work? Did you catch yourself sending negative nonverbal messages out of habit or using any of the communication stoppers?”
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“Did you have a chance to read the short story, Adelita if you didn’t read it earlier? What did it say to you about relationships and communication?”
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“What about the short story, Life Lessons? What lessons did the author describe in the story?”
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“Did any questions come up that you would like to ask?”
II.
Review of Information in Third Session (about 10 minutes)
Remind the participants that the themes for the third session were Speak Your Truth and Listen to Understand. Acknowledge that we constantly speak our truth verbally and non-verbally. Both have amazing power in human interactions.
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Using the flip chart and the handbooks as guides, review the key information and lessons of the third session. Here are the major points in question and answer form: !
“We made this list of things good communicators do and don’t do. (Show chart.) At this point, let’s summarize. What is the bottom line about good communicators and poor communicators?” (Good communicators speak their truth in a straightforward way and are good listeners. Poor communicators aren’t interested in hearing what others have to say.)
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“Why is eye contact important?” (People know you are listening if you give them eye contact. They doubt it if you don’t.)
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“What other forms of body language, or non-verbal communication, did we focus on?” (Facial expressions, gestures, posture, positioning and movement.)
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“Is it true that body language, or non-verbal communication is usually stronger than verbal communication?” (Yes. Our bodies tell the truth. Even when people put on an act they often fool no one but themselves.)
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“How do the Communication Stoppers stop communication?” (No one wants to keep talking with someone who is using communication stoppers because the stoppers convey disrespect and lack of interest.)
III. Presentation, Dyads and Discussion: “Hearing with the Third Ear” (about 20 minutes) There are three steps in this activity. Step One: Explain to the participants that since there was not enough time to focus on The Highest Level of Listening in the last session, we will do it now.
Afterward we will move on to Chapter Four. In your own words, explain “listening with the third ear” to the participants in accordance with the information on page 50. Ask for their comments. Suggest they silently read the four steps in the process listed on this page as you read them aloud. (It is understandably likely that some will resist willingness to respond in this manner when someone is being difficult.) Be sure to clarify the difference between times when people are being antagonistic out of bad feelings about themselves and can be reassured by listening to them with the third ear as opposed to times when people are destructively dumping and causing emotional pain which should not be accepted.
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Point out, “You may think that by listening with your third ear you are being weak but the opposite is true. By taking this compassionate position with people who are feeling insecure or anxious, you become the strong one. They gain from your kindness and you gain positive personal power.” Step Two: Pair the participants into dyads making sure the combinations will be advantageous. Assign half of the dyads the scenario about George and Gail, on page 51, and the other half the scenario about Jamie and his mom, on page 52. Give them about five minutes to confer with each other and fill in the blanks for their scenarios in their handbooks. Step Three: Review both scenarios with the whole group. For each question, ask, “Who would feel comfortable telling us the response you wrote in your handbook?” Give each participant who wishes to respond to each question a chance to do so. Afterward point out the final two questions for the participants to think about and answer on their own at the end of the chapter on page 53. Encourage them to try using this powerful communication strategy during the next week. Let them know you will ask about it in the next session.
IV.
Presentation and Discussion: “BECOMING ASSERTIVE!” (about 25 minutes)
There are four steps in this activity. Step One: Introduce this segment of the class by asking the participants to take
turns reading aloud in their handbooks starting with the introduction to the chapter which begins on page 57. Continue reading, pausing from time to time for spontaneous discussion, until you reach this question: “Do you know someone who frequently thinks and acts in the aggressive style?” Refer the participants to this chart and ask them, “How do you feel about him, or her?” Write down their responses under the heading, Aggressive.
Continue reading aloud, pausing again from time to time for spontaneous discussion, until you reach this question: “Do you know someone who frequently thinks and acts in the submissive style?”
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Our Feelings about the Three Styles Aggressive Submissive Assertive
Refer the participants to the chart again and ask them, “How do you feel about him, or her?” Write down their responses under the heading, Submissive. Continue reading aloud, pausing again from time to time for spontaneous discussion, until you reach this question: “Do you know someone who frequently thinks and acts in the assertive style?” Refer the participants to the chart once again and ask them, “How do you feel about him, or her?” Write down their responses under the heading, Assertive. Step Two: Reform the dyads formed in the prior activity. (It may be advisable to
reassign some of the partners.) Refer the participants to the exercises under the heading, Identify Them, beginning on page 60. Assign one fourth of the dyads the scenario about Mark and Hank, another fourth the scenario about Marlene and James, another fourth the scenario about Angela, Randy and Nancy, and the last fourth the scenario about Brian and Rob. Give them two minutes to confer with each other and fill in the blanks for their scenario in their handbooks. (This exercise is very self-evident and easy. Going over it would be redundant. Before moving to the next step encourage the participants to do the other three exercises on their own.) Step Three: While the participants remain seated with their dyad partners explain
that becoming assertive is a lifelong process. Being assertive all of the time in all situations rarely happens for anyone. One of the best tools we can use to help ourselves, especially in tough situations, is the use of positive self-talk. Discuss the importance of self-talk as explained in the section under the heading, How Assertive are You? on page 62. Then read the quotation by Ghandi aloud as the participants read it silently. Step Four: Explain: “Now I would like to give you a chance to talk with your
partner about your own self-talk. Can you remember a time when you used positive self-talk to help yourself? Take two minutes--one minute for each one of you to tell your partner what was going on, what you said to yourself, and how it helped.” (Take a minute or two to tell the group how you have done this on a specific occasion. This helps them to understand the challenge and gives them time to think of what they might say.)
V.
Presentation, Dyads and Discussion: “Conflict Happens!” (about 20 minutes)
There are five steps in this activity. Step One: Explain: “Now we are going to focus on conflict and how to manage it
with assertive strategies. Take a look at the diagram on page 64.”
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Step Two: Review the diagram with the participants. Point out, “There’s no
guarantee that other people will behave assertively, but if you do, you can respect yourself for it and it may also influence the other people involved to behave assertively too. The main point is: don’t stoop to the level of others or wimp out. Maintain your self-possession!” Step Three: Announce that next you intend to introduce them to a very effective conflict management strategy. In order to do so you will need the help of a volunteer who is willing to state something minor he or she has been criticized for doing or not doing.
Ask your volunteer what he or she has been criticized for and to come to the front of the class. Confront the volunteer with a “You message,” but don’t label it as such yet. Example: “You (made a mess in the kitchen)! You did the same thing yesterday and despite my warnings you did it again! You have got to cut it out. You are absolutely disgusting.” Next, ask the volunteer how that felt and listen to his or her response. Ask the group how they would have felt if they had been the target. Before the volunteer leaves the front of the class, ask him or her to remain and explain that you would like to try again taking a different approach. Next, deliver an “I message.” Example: “I feel frustrated and sad when you (make a mess in the kitchen) because I’d just cleaned it up. I think it’s only fair for each of us to clean up our own messes. I’m hoping you’ll honor that from now on.” Ask the volunteer how that felt and listen to his or her response. Ask the group how they would have felt. Step Four: Explain the difference between the two messages to the participants in accordance with the information on pages 65 and 66. Emphasize that starting the sentences with the words “you” and “I” made the key difference along with tone, facial expression and “I Message” Formula gestures. Note also that any critical message should always be delivered in private. 1. I feel...
Show the participants this chart and review it with them carefully:
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2. when you … (or that you...) 3. because… 4. What I need/want from you... (or hoping you’ll do) is...
Step Five: Ask the participants to re-form their dyads and to take five seconds to
decide who will be A and who will be B. Explain: “You are going to get a chance to role play using “I messages” in two rounds. First A will deliver an “I message” to B, then it will be B’s turn.‘ In between you will get a chance to tell each other how the messages affected you. We aren’t going to role play “You messages” because I’m sure everybody knows what they are like. However, when you do this exercise compare the two types in your mind and decide which one gets your respect. Any questions?” Here’s the process: Round One: A is displeased because B lost something that belonged to A.
A delivers an “I message” for one half minute. B tells A how the message affected him or her for one minute. Round Two: B is offended that A is very late for a date or meeting.
B delivers an “I message” for one half minute. A tells B how the message affected him or her for one minute. Summarize with the key concept: “If you want people to respect your wishes and do what you ask without making them feel blamed and defiant, deliver an ‘I message.’”
VI.
Team Planning and Presentations: “Conflict Management Strategies” (about 20 minutes)
There are four steps in this activity. Step One: Show the participants this prepared
chart but don’t elaborate on the strategies: Ask the participants to turn to pages 67 through 70 in their handbooks to see the descriptions of all six of these strategies. Point out that since the “I Messages” strategy has already been practiced we will now turn our attention to the other five conflict management strategies for this chapter and class session. (In the next chapter and session we will learn even more.)
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Conflict Management Strategies that Work! I Messages Active Listening Compromising Postponing Apologizing and/or Expressing Regret Problem Solving
Step Two: Form five teams, each one taking responsibility for presenting one of
the four remaining strategies to the whole group, as follows: Team One: Active Listening (page 67) Team Two: Compromising (page 68) Team Three: Postponing (page 68) Team Four: Apologizing and/or Expressing Regret (page 69) Team Five: Problem Solving (pages 69-70)
Assign who will work with whom on the teams and assist them to move to the various corners of the room. Then explain the assignment: “Your job is to work together for about five minutes to plan a report about your team’s conflict management strategy that you will present to the whole group. Explain it to us and then do a dramatization that will show us an example of how it works. For example, Team Two might show us how two people who want the same seat in a theatre or at a sporting event might work out the problem without getting into a serious fight. Be creative! Questions?” Regarding topics: you may assign these or allow the teams to choose which
strategy they would like to present. If two teams want the same topic suggest they flip a coin. Write the name of the members of the teams on the chart so you can keep track. Step Three: Signal the teams to start planning. Circulate and serve as coach and
consultant. Don’t allow yourself to become overly involved with any of the teams. Responsibility for their presentations should remain in their own hands. Step Four: Beginning with Team One, facilitate the delivery of all of the reports
and demonstrations. Help make clarifications and to answer questions only as needed. To the extent possible allow the teams to take full responsibility for their presentations. At the end of each one ask the group if it has any questions to deliver to the presenters. Drop your role as teacher at this time and take the role of member of the whole group. You may even have a question or two yourself for the teams at the end of their presentations. Thank the participants for their contributions and creativity.
VII. Dyads and Discussion: “What Strategy Would You Use?” (about 10 minutes) In the remaining time allow the teams to remain together. Ask the group to turn to pages 70 through 73. Under the heading, What strategy would you use? six situations are described that could easily lead to destructive conflicts. Challenge
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the teams to work together to decide which conflict management strategy, or strategies, would probably work best to manage each one. If there is not enough time for the teams to review each situation, encourage them to read the situations later and decide on strategies on their own.
VIII. Challenges for the Coming Week: Homework and Life Work (about five minutes) Before concluding the session ask for questions or comments the participants might have. Refer them to page 73 in their handbooks. Read the homework assignment aloud as they read silently. Next, read both parts of the Life Work assignment and encourage the participants to remember to do it during the week.
HOMEWORK
LIFE WORK
Thank the participants for their lively participation and creativity during the session. Point out that the focus of the next one is More Conflict Management Strategies. Recommendation: read the short story, “I Never Met a Man I Didn’t Like” before the next session.
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Fifth Class Session -- Two Hours More Anger and Conflict Management Strategies
Agenda Themes: Self-Respect and Positive Personal Power! I.
Greetings and Opening Discussion
II.
Review of Information in Fourth Session
III.
Groups of Four: “How Constructive and Destructive Actions Affect Us”
IV.
Team Planning Session, Presentations and Discussion: “When the Going Really Gets Tough”
V.
Challenges for the Rest of Our Lives: Homework and Life Work
VI.
Distribution of Certificates
VII. Class Evaluation
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I.
Greetings and Opening Discussion (about 10 minutes)
You will need: ! ! !
! !
Flip chart with two prepared sheets. (These include the “Welcome” sheet and a chart for the fourth activity.) Magic markers and pencils A copy of the Attendance and Participation Certificate for each participant (page 56) filled in before class with names, dates, and your signature. (The number of each participant’s hours of attendance should be filled in as the certificates are presented at the close of the session.) A copy of the evaluation form for each participant (page 57). A copy of the agenda for each participant (optional). (This could also be posted.)
On flip chart:
Welcome to Session V More Anger and Conflict Management Strategies Our Themes: Self-Respect and Positive Personal Power
Greet the participants and introduce the opening discussion by asking all, or some, of the following questions: !
“What happened over the past week? Did you do the homework by filling in your responses to the questions in Chapter Four? What did you notice or learn that you would feel comfortable telling us about?”
!
“What about the Life Work? Did you notice people behaving aggressively, submissively or assertively?”
!
“Did you read the short story, “I Never met a Man I Didn’t Like?” What were the main lessons the author learned from the frightening and strange experiences she described in the story? Are these lessons for youngsters and teens only or do they apply to adults too?”
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“Did any questions come up that you would like to ask?”
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II.
Review of Information in Fourth Session (about 15 minutes)
Remind the participants that the theme for the fourth session was Become Assertive! Elaborate: “Over the past week as you have tried to be assertive, have you noticed that it begins with your mind set, or ‘self-talk,’ and then comes out in your words and actions? (Listen to responses.) Being assertive is often easier said than done. In fact, few people--maybe no one--is assertive all of the time in all situations. Becoming assertive is exactly that--a process of becoming. It happens only when we pay attention to ourselves and ‘coach ourselves’ to keep at it. Knowing and using conflict management strategies like the ones we learned in our last class session helps because to do them you have to be assertive!” Using the flip chart and the handbooks as guides, review the key information and lessons of the second session. Here are the major points in question and answer form: !
“Who can tell us what kind of self-talk goes on in the mind of an aggressive person?” (Aggressive people think about how to take advantage of situations without concern for the rights of others. Typical thoughts of an aggressive person are: “Me first” and “How you play doesn’t count, only that you win.”
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“How do aggressive people act?” (Aggressive people behave disrespectfully and even in a hostile manner at times--whatever it takes to get what they want. An example is the girl who bullied the author when she was in the seventh grade in the short story, I Never Met a Man I Didn’t Like. Sometimes aggressive people act in an agreeable manner but only to con others.)
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“Who can tell us what kind of self-talk goes on in the mind of a submissive person?” (Submissive people constantly run themselves down mentally. They have thoughts like: “I know they don’t think much of me” and “I don’t blame them.”)
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“How do submissive people act?” (Submissive people constantly agree with people but only to be accepted, apologize frequently, and shrink away from giving their opinion or standing up for themselves.)
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“What’s different about the thoughts and actions of assertive people?” (Assertive people realize that everyone is worthy of respect including themselves. They express their wants and needs openly and respectfully listen to the wants and needs that others express.)
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!
“What is an ‘I Message?’” (A person stating an “I Message” takes personal responsibility for his or her feelings, wants and needs to someone who has offended him or her in some way. The opening sentence begins with the word “I” instead of the word “you.”)
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“What is active listening?” (Active listening is staying quiet while someone needs to get something off of his or her chest. This may take a very long time and requires a lot of patience.)
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“What is compromising?” (Compromising is volunteering to give up something if another person will do the same so that both can have some.)
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“What is postponing?” (Postponing is putting off a discussion that is not going well to a later time.)
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“What are apologizing and/or expressing regret?” (Apologizing is saying, “I’m sorry” when you have accidentally or purposely caused someone to suffer in some way. However, sometimes an apology isn’t appropriate. That’s when you can express regret. This is stating your care and concern to someone when you weren’t the direct cause of their difficulties or misfortune.)
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“What is problem solving?” (Problem solving often uses a combination of some of these strategies like active listening and compromising. Additionally, when problem solving, people suggest alternative solutions to each other and finally agree on one or more.)
III. Groups of Four: “How Constructive and Destructive Actions Affect Us” (about 30 minutes) There are two parts to this discussion, a “prelude” and two steps. Prelude: Ask the participants to turn to page 77 in their handbooks. Explain that
the list of constructive and destructive actions listed are from Chapters Two, Three, and Four. Ask them to take a few minutes to read the list over carefully. Direct them to draw a check mark by the actions listed that they have recently noticed another person doing and an X next to the ones they did themselves. Next, ask the participants to write answers to the questions on pages 77 and 78. Give them about five to eight minutes to accomplish all of these directions. Step One: Form groups of four making sure the membership of each group will be
advantageous. Explain: “You are going to have a chance to talk about the things you just wrote about. You will have about eight minutes to discuss one topic and
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then a second topic for another eight minutes. Make sure each person who wishes to speak gets a turn to tell about one, or perhaps two, actions and how he or she felt about those actions. I will let you know when to switch topics.” First topic: “If you decide to speak in your group tell the group members
about something you have seen another person do that was destructive, unhelpful or provoking. Describe it and how it affected you. Please no naming of names or relationships. Any questions?” Second topic: “If you decide to speak this time tell your group members
about an action you took that was constructive and helpful. Describe it and how it seemed to affect the unnamed person, or people, you were involved with and how it made you feel about yourself. Any questions?” Step Two: Ask the class: “Did anyone in your group say how he or she felt about
himself or herself after doing something constructive and helpful? If so what were some of those feelings?” (Listen intently to responses.) In your own words summarize the points made in the handbook on page 78 under the heading, How you feel about yourself is very important! Be sure to emphasize that the path to self-respect and positive personal power is taking deserved pride in one’s own constructive and helpful actions especially in circumstances that could otherwise have led to a destructive conflict.
IV.
Team Planning Session, Presentations and Discussion: “When the Going Really Gets Tough” (about 45 minutes)
There are four steps in this activity. Step One: Show the participants this prepared
chart. Point out that some of these strategies are important repeats of ideas the class has already focused on, but most are new ones geared to situations that are truly difficult—when the going really gets tough. State that every person and situation are different and "judgement calls" need to be made. What works in one situation with one person, or group, might not work in another. Remind them that if they have been experiencing extreme feelings of fear, emotional pain and/or rage due to frightening, hurtful and/or unjust situations, it would probably be a
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More Conflict Management Strategies Arm yourself mentally! Chill yourself out! Consider the consequences How to respond to verbal assault How to respond to extreme hostility How to respond to a bully How to respond to peer pressure Resolve problems with mediation
good idea to talk with other people they trust--a counselor, pastor, teacher, family member or friend to hear their ideas. Ask them to turn to pages 79 through 89 in their handbooks to see the descriptions of all eight of these strategies. Step Two: Form eight teams, each one taking responsibility for presenting one of
these conflict management strategies. (If there are not at least 16 participants in the class an alternative is to form four teams with each team taking responsibility for presenting two of the strategies. Another approach would be for you to present some of them.) If eight teams can be formed their topics and pages for reference in the handbook are as follows: Team One: Arm yourself mentally (pages 79-80) Team Two: Chill yourself out (pages 80-81) Team Three: Consider the consequences (pages 81-82) Team Four: How to respond to verbal assault (pages 83-84) Team Five: How to respond to extreme hostility (pages 84-85) Team Six: How to respond to a bully (pages 85-86) Team Seven: How to respond to peer pressure (pages 87-88) Team Eight: Resolve problems with mediation (pages 88-89)
Assign who will work with whom on the teams and assist them to move to the various corners of the room. Then explain the assignment: “Your job is to work together for about ten minutes to plan a report about one of these conflict management strategies that you will present to the whole group. Plan to tell us the information in the handbook on your topic and see if you can demonstrate it to us as well by giving your own examples or role-playing. Be thorough and be creative. Questions?” Regarding topics: you may assign these or allow the teams to choose which
strategy they would like to present. If two teams want the same topic suggest they flip a coin. Write the name of the members of the teams on the chart so you can keep track. Step Three: Signal the teams to start planning. Circulate and serve as coach and
consultant. Don’t allow yourself to become overly involved with any of the teams. Responsibility for their presentations should remain in their own hands. Step Four: Beginning with Team One, facilitate the delivery of all of the reports
and demonstrations. Help make clarifications and to answer questions only as needed. To the extent possible allow the teams to take full responsibility for their presentations. At the end of each one ask the group if it has any questions to deliver to the presenters. Drop your role as teacher at this time and take the role of
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member of the whole group. You may even have a question or two yourself for the teams at the end of their presentations. Thank the participants for their thorough and creative reports.
V.
Challenges for the Rest of Our Lives: Homework and Life Work (about five minutes)
Before concluding the session ask for any questions or comments the participants might have. Then refer them to page 89 in their handbooks. Read the homework assignment aloud as they read silently. Next, read the Life Work assignment and encourage the participants to keep growing their positive personal power!
HOMEWORK
LIFE WORK
Thank the participants for their active involvement in the class and wish them well.
VI.
Distribution of Certificates (about 10 minutes)
Fill in the number of hours each participant attended the class on their individual certificates. This can be done as part of a ceremony! As everyone watches and applauds present each certificate to each class member. Shake their hands. Make it fun!
VII. Class evaluation (about five minutes) Distribute the evaluation forms and ask the participants to fill them in. Bid each individual a fond farewell.
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___________________________ Instructor and Facilitator
____________________
received ____ hours of training during
____________________
ANGER AND CONFLICT MANAGEMENT
Certificate of Attendance and Participation
Participant Evaluation Form I liked ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ I would have liked more of ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ I would have liked less of ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ “The class (please check one): _____ met _____ more than met _____ did not meet my needs and expectations.” Comments about the Personal Handbook: ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________
Signature (optional) _________________________________________ Please use the back of this sheet for any other comments.
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M A S
E L P
Anger and Conflict Management Class
Everyone is affected by varying degrees of anger -- your own and the anger of others. IN THIS CLASS YOU WILL LEARN HOW TO CONTROL AND USE ANGER INSTEAD OF LETTING IT CONTROL AND USE YOU! The North County Community Food Bank is now offering a stimulating Anger and Conflict Management Class to be led by Clark County resident and nationally known author, teacher and counselor, Gerry Dunne, Ph.D. The class consists of two five-hour sessions and teaches participants useful skills in managing anger and conflict.
When:
Saturday, June 7 and 14, 2003 9:00 a.m. - 3:00 p.m. (Lunch on your own from 11:30 to 12:30)
Where:
Memorial Lutheran Church 2700 E. 28th Street, Vancouver, WA (Corner of 28th and Grand)
Cost:
$109.95 includes Personal Handbook. ($99.95 with two weeks prior registration.)
To register or for more information, call (360) 687-7126.
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SA Anger and Conflict Management M Class PLE
This class is for EVERYONE who chooses the path of personal discovery and growth, not just for people with "anger problems." It is based on safety, respect and dignity. The fact is that anger is a powerful emotion we can all use to get tough things done. But sometimes we let it use us! In class we learn new ways to see anger as the normal feeling it is, to know and appreciate ourselves better, and to learn new, constructive ways to handle ourselves in provoking situations.
The goals of the class are to increase your self-awareness, self-respect, self-control and positive personal power! We accomplish these goals by understanding the reasons why we become angry, learning how to be assertive and communicate well with others, and to use certain strategies--intelligent things to say and do when we become annoyed. Participants will receive a 96 page Personal Handbook full of information, stories, ideas and suggestions. You will also be able to write down your own thoughts and ideas in response to the questions we all need to ask ourselves so we can take better charge of our actions at home, work, school and everywhere else we go.
Join us! You won't rid yourself of anger by taking this class, but you will learn new ways to manage it! Leader: Gerry Dunne, Ph.D. Where and when? To find out about the next class in Clark County, call (360) 687-7126.
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