And To Hold

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...AND TO HOLD by PEPPER ESPINOZA Amber Quill Press, LLC http://www.amberquill.com

...And To Hold An Amber Quill Press Book This book is a work of fiction. All names, characters, locations, and incidents are products of the author's imagination, or have been used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons living or dead, locales, or events is entirely coincidental.

Amber Quill Press, LLC http://www.amberquill.com http://www.amberheat.com http://www.amber-allure.com

All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be transmitted or reproduced in any form, or by any means, without permission in writing from the publisher, with the exception of brief excerpts used for the purposes of review. Copyright © 2007 by Pepper Espinoza ISBN 978-1-60272-142-5 Cover Art © 2007 Trace Edward Zaber Layout and Formatting Provided by: Elemental Alchemy Published in the United States of America

Also by Pepper Espinoza The Streets of Florence Surrender's Edge

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...AND TO HOLD Mari studied her ever-growing collection of vibrators and dildos with resignation, and more than a little disgust. She had every toy known to man--or woman. She had dildos made of glass, made of something that really did feel like skin, made of plastic. She had dildos that were only an inch in diameter and one that was nearly as round as a fist. Some were long, some were short, some were bent at the end--to better stimulate her G-spot, the boxes informed her. The vibrators were a veritable zoo, a cornucopia of animals. The rabbit, the bluebird, the dolphin, the shark, the butterfly, the egg. Some had buttons at the base, others had a long cord attaching the controls to the toy, and others came with special remotes. Every toy was more than capable of meeting its desired purpose. She couldn't honestly say they didn't do exactly what they promised. But none of them were enough. She hadn't gotten off in... Mari didn't like to think of the time elapsed. A very long time. The desire for more was almost constant now, starting between her legs and slithering up her body to the back of her throat. She could almost taste her frustration. But her helplessness in the face of that frustration was worse. Far, far worse. "Mari? Are you home?" She closed the drawer quickly. Justin knew of her collection, of course. He had acquired most of it himself, presenting her with gifts that were no longer quite a surprise. She didn't know where he found most of it. The Internet, most likely. Some men spent their free time surfing for porn. Her husband spent his free time surfing for answers to a problem that didn't have an answer. "I'm up here," she called back, moving away from the dresser. "I've got something for you," he said as he bounded up the stairs. She could already see the excitement on his face, a new box clutched tightly in his hand. He approached the situation like a knight on a quest, only instead of the Holy Grail, he was seeking the holy sex toy that would finally put an end to her unspoken dissatisfaction. "Oh?" Mari sat on the foot of the bed, preparing herself for his new offering. But what he brought into the bedroom was the last thing she expected. "Paul? What are you doing here?" "He's here to help," Justin explained, an eager light in his eye. Mari blinked. "With what? The leaky roof?" "No, not quite." She jumped off the bed. "What...I think we need to have a little chat." "Okay." "I mean privately ," she said, taking his hand and dragging him to the bathroom. As soon as he shut the door behind them, she turned on him. "What is he doing here?" "I told you. He's here to help." "I think this requires elaboration. A lot of elaboration. Speak slowly, so I can understand." "The toys obviously aren't working, and I've invested a small fortune in them. Seriously, we could have probably bought a boat by now." Mari opened and closed her mouth several times. "So...you brought Paul ? You didn't even talk to me about it." "I wanted to surprise you."

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"Congratulations. You've succeeded. I'm very fucking surprised." Justin frowned, the light fading from his eyes for the first time. "I didn't think you'd be so angry." "It's not that I'm angry..." Mari sighed and perched on the edge of the toilet, resting her head in her hands. "Okay, I'm a little angry. But I didn't think this was something we shared with other people. I mean, our private lives should be private , don't you think?" "He's my best friend, Mari. He knows about my problem." "Our problem," she corrected automatically. " Myproblem. It's not your problem that I'm impotent," he said flatly. "And you've been so patient with me. I know you're not happy with me..." "Don't ever think that," Mari said, jumping to her feet. The bathroom was small enough, she didn't have to move far to wrap her arms around him. "I've been happy with you since the first night we met." "That's not what I meant." He rested his chin on the top of her head. "But you're a healthy woman, with natural wants and desires, and I do everything I can, but sometimes I know you're missing...the one thing I can't give you." "And you think Paul should what? Take your place?" Justin shook his head. "No. I don't think he should take my place. But I've been told he's an attractive guy, and he's clean, and you know him. You trust him, don't you?" "So what did you say to him? Take my wife, please?" Justin snorted. "No. He's been...well, he helps me shop sometimes. And we've been talking about it. I know, I should have talked to you about it, too." "Uh, yeah." She lifted her head to look at him. "This isn't the sort of thing you just spring on a person. Especially since it's going to be extra awkward when I go out there and tell him he can stay for dinner, but no sleepovers." "Why no sleepovers?" "What do you mean, why? Because I love you, Justin. I married you. I took vows. This isn't happening." "I don't think this would be breaking your vows. You're not doing anything to betray me." "I can't fuck another man, Justin. Even if it's at your request. Even if he's a friend." Justin sighed. "I want to give this to you, Mari. I want to do this for you. I didn't try to talk to you about it first because I knew you would do this. You'd shoot down the idea out of hand. I mean, I'm not going to keep pushing this. If you don't want to do it, then you don't want to. Nothing I can say will change your mind." "You're right about that. Besides, what would we even do? Just strip down and get at it? That seems so....impersonal. How could I enjoy something like that?" Justin's brows furrowed. "Is that a serious question?" She hit his arm lightly. "Of course, it's a serious question. I can't just go directly from cold to hot sex. There needs to be a warming period." "I never really thought you'd shed your clothes and spread your legs," Justin said dryly. "Can we compromise a little?" Mari pursed her lips. "What's your compromise?" "Paul stays for dinner. Then at the end of the night, you re-evaluate your stance on sleepovers." "Do you know how strange you are? Most men wouldn't want their wives within ten feet of somebody as hot as Paul."

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"You think he's hot?" "I'm not blind." Paul was the sort of classically gorgeous man you only meet once or twice in a lifetime, with black hair and dark blue eyes. He might have overshadowed Justin completely, but it was impossible to keep Justin in the shadows. Justin's smile was infectious, his good nature enveloping. Paul might have turned heads, but Justin was the one who'd broken a dozen hearts when he'd proposed to Mari. "We should probably go back out there. It's rude to keep him waiting," Justin said, pushing the door open. Paul was still standing in the bedroom, his hands buried in his pockets, and he looked almost as uncomfortable as she felt. "Hey, Mari. Sorry for...freaking you out. Is everything cool now?" "Mostly. Why don't you come downstairs? Dinner will be put on the table soon." "Oh. Sure. What are we having?" "Roast." "Ahh, is that what I smell?" "Most likely." She exited the room quickly, leaving the two men to follow behind her. Talking to Justin didn't actually settle the tumult of emotions inside her. She was still shocked Justin would even suggest such a thing, and that Paul would agree. Though, maybe that wasn't so shocking. A no strings night of sex? It'd be more shocking if Paul didn't agree, she supposed. Beneath the shock was an undeniable jolt of desire. Paul was an attractive man, and she knew a few girls who had spent a night or two with him. They had no complaints. But sex was never just sex. Not to her. She didn't go in for one-night stands, and she certainly didn't take her vows lightly. If she was willing to bend or break them, she could easily find a man on her own. She still had old boyfriends and lovers who would answer if she called. All she would have to do was pick a number from her address book, and she'd be set. But Mari never considered it, because in the grand scheme of things, her itch wasn't a fraction as important as her marriage. Mari went directly to the kitchen, leaving the two men to wait for her in the living room. She could hear Justin's low voice, no doubt relating their conversation in the bathroom. Confusion was giving shock a run for its money in the big race. What did Justin plan to do? Would he simply watch? Would he participate? The thought of him touching another woman made her blood run cold--though she could freely admit she'd always been the jealous sort. But was Justin really better than that? Better than the natural, and entirely correct, response of jealousy when the woman you love is getting fucked by another man? But jealousy indicated some sort of insecurity, and Justin just wasn't an insecure man. Even the accident that had left him impotent a month after they were married hadn't really harmed the foundations of his self-esteem. He was a good-hearted, intelligent, successful man, married to a woman who adored him, and living in a house he'd helped design. What was there to be insecure about? Maybe it didn't bother him to think about sharing his wife with his best friend. But didn't it bother Paul a little? Was he comfortable with being nothing more than a breathing sex toy? No strings attached sex, remember. What do you think? Mari turned the issue over and over in her head as she took the roast out of the oven. She knew she should just forget about it, push it out of her mind. She wouldn't be able to justify it to herself. She wouldn't be able to explain her objections away, or make it okay somehow. So it was best to forget it. They were both waiting for her at the table as she carried the platter of meat and vegetables into the dining room. She expected there to be more awkward conversation, but Paul immediately began discussing his plans for the weekend, and Justin cut in with the occasional question, and everything seemed completely normal.

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Except, for the first time in years, Mari noticed Paul's nice smile. He had deep dimples that she should have been immune to, but wasn't. And his eyes were vibrant. She watched him cut his roast, his long fingers wrapped nimbly around the flatware. Her gaze was drawn to the corner of his mouth when a drop of gravy clung there, and she was still watching when his tongue darted out to lick it away. She had never noticed any of that before. No, she had noticed, but it was always filtered out of her mind, the way her ears automatically filtered out the sound of traffic outside, or the hum of the air conditioner. But now it almost felt like she had permission to look, to analyze, to remember. Mari knew Justin noticed her noticing Paul. He never missed anything, and he knew Mari well enough to know when she was distracted. He kept talking and laughing and eating, but occasionally she would glance over at him, and he would incline his head in a small nod, as if in encouragement. So he's attractive. So what? Does that actually change anything? You're still married. And not to him. The actual meal passed in a blur. Mari didn't remember touching her food, but when Justin pushed back from the table with a satisfied sigh, she realized her plate was empty as well. She must have been eating on autopilot, her body feeding more immediate hunger while her mind focused on other appetites. "Will you be staying for dessert?" she asked automatically. Paul smiled slowly. "I guess that depends on you." Mari nodded, pretending she didn't understand his true meaning. "I've got chocolate chip cookies." "Did you make them yourself?" "I did." "Then I'd love some." "Great." She pushed away from the table and stood. "I'm just going to clear these dishes. I can bring the cookies and coffee out on the patio, if you'd like." Justin nodded. "Please." Mari exhaled slowly as soon as she entered the privacy of the kitchen. Would every meal they share be this uncomfortable? Because Paul came over to eat regularly, and they were at his place just as often. She was arranging cookies on a plate when the door opened and Justin slipped into the room. Without speaking, he took her elbow and spun her around, pulling her against his body. He tilted his head, finding her mouth to kiss her slowly, his tongue barely teasing her lips. Mari opened herself to the kiss automatically, her arms going around his neck. She loved the way Justin kissed. He always took his time with each caress, like he wanted to impress each one on her memory. Mari was so caught up in the kiss, she didn't hear the kitchen door open again. And she didn't hear Paul's shoes on the linoleum floor. And she didn't know he was standing behind her until he ran his fingers down her ribs and pressed his chest against her back. She jerked out of the kiss like she had been scalded, but she didn't have the chance to say a single word of protest before Justin was kissing her again. It was an unfair tactic, and they both knew it. Justin was using his mouth to disarm her, to steal the oxygen from her brain until she would agree to anything. Each kiss was a little deeper, a little longer, a little more thorough, until her head was spinning, and she couldn't tell the difference between the two men as they touched her. Her lungs burned. Her skin burned everywhere they touched her. Clever fingers on her back, her ribs, her arms, the sides of her breasts. Nobody's touch went too far. Neither man strayed to her nipples, her ass, her pussy, but that made it worse. She shifted her weight, grinding against Justin, but inadvertently pushing her ass against Paul's hard cock. Mari froze. Her mind still wanted to put a stop to this, but the second she felt the proof of Paul's arousal, she immediately soaked her panties. Her pussy clenched and unclenched rapidly, and she could already feel him. His cock between her lips. His cock pounding into her. Every second of desire, every frustrated moment of lust, every hidden fantasy finally swept through her, and she remembered what Justin apparently couldn't forget--just what was missing from her sex life.

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She might have moaned, or whimpered, or maybe Justin just knew every reaction of her body like he knew his own. Either way, he lifted his head at the very moment her common sense lost the battle. He looked directly into her eyes, and she looked back, unblinking. "Why don't we put off dessert for a little while?" he suggested. She nodded. "And we'll take you upstairs." Mari nodded again. What else could she do, when she could taste lust, like glue, on the back of her tongue? Justin bent his head, his mouth so close to her ear that she shivered. "Please trust me, Mari. Do you trust me?" "Yes," she breathed. "I'm not going to let you go. Not even for a second." "I know." He closed his hand around hers. "Then let's go upstairs where it's a bit more comfortable." Mari risked a glance over her shoulder to Paul. His eyes were dark with desire, his mouth partly open. She thought she should say something, but she didn't know what to say. But maybe this didn't require anything from her. Maybe Justin had already said everything that needed to be said. Maybe she should let her body do the talking now, and her body only had one goal at that moment, one purpose. Mari couldn't help but wonder if the two men had done this sort of thing before. They moved easily, without a trace of awkwardness. She'd have to remember to ask later. Paul focused on undressing her, his attention devoted to the task. But Mari barely noticed her clothes falling away. Justin distracted her with his lips on her neck, his tongue on her pulse, his fingers caressing her breasts. She shivered and resisted the urge to cross her arms over her breasts, to hide herself from Paul's gaze. He didn't leer at her. He didn't stare for too long. His eyes were appreciative, as though he was taking in every detail with careful consideration. Justin wrapped his arms around her, his mouth near her ear again. "Don't be so nervous. You know you're beautiful." Mari didn't ask how Justin knew she was nervous. He seemed to know everything she was thinking and feeling, picking up on subtle clues other men would ignore. She thought he would ghost his mouth over her skin again, but he released her, the sudden loss of his warm body sending a chill through her. Justin settled on the mattress, his back against the headboard, and held out his hand. She took it, and his large palm closed around her fingers before he pulled her over to the bed. She understood what he wanted her to do without an explanation, and settled between his legs, her back against his solid chest. His warmth spread through her, the hair on his chest and stomach scraping over her skin. Mari dropped her head back to his shoulder, licking and kissing the strong tendons of his neck. He bent, his mouth seeking hers, and once again, she was lost in his familiar caress. Long fingers closed around her ankle, then Paul's hand slid up her leg, his palm fitting against her calf. Justin hooked his ankle beneath her other foot, gently coaxing her legs farther apart. Justin's hand moved down her body while Paul's hand continued roaming up. They met at the juncture between her thighs, their fingers brushing against each other while they caressed her outer lips. Justin broke away from the kiss first, dragging his mouth along her jaw to her neck. His lips and tongue were hot, and she tensed, waiting for the first fine prick of pressure. He didn't disappoint her, his teeth sinking into the fragile skin of her throat. The pain quickly morphed into pleasure and shot through her body, spreading to her nipples and clit. Her nipples hardened almost immediately, and her clit began to throb. She shifted on the bed, sliding lower and spreading her legs wider. Paul's mouth against her inner thigh was just as hot as Justin's, his chin and cheeks smooth where they brushed against her skin. He moved his hands behind her back and down to cup her ass. She expected his tongue to find her wet flesh, but he focused on the quivering muscles of each thigh.

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"Do you want him to lick you? Do you want to feel his tongue on your pussy?" Justin's voice was low, meant only for her ears. She nodded. "Tell him. Tell him what you want." Mari hesitated. She had the vague sense that this wasn't right. Paul was there to help with what Justin couldn't do. Justin could go down on her. He could, and he did it quite well. But his hand moved to her breast, his thumb drawing lazy circles around her nipple. "Tell him," he prompted. "I..." Her mouth felt dry, her tongue uncooperative. "I want you to lick me. I want you to eat me out." Paul looked up, his blue eyes sinful, his smile slow and wicked. Her stomach dropped, her toes curled. She hadn't been on the receiving end of a look like that in a very long time. A look that promised all sorts of pleasures and decadence. But it wasn't just the promise that quickened her pulse. It was knowing each and every promise would be fulfilled. Neither of the men would release her until she was a quivering, speechless mess. She didn't have to say another word. Paul's hands on her ass tightened, and he pulled her toward his face, his tongue sliding down her lips. He lapped at her flesh, collecting her arousal, before moving to her clit. It was just a brush of contact, feather-light, but it sent electricity up her spine. She might have been able to handle that, but Justin pinched her nipple at the same time. Mari tensed, crying out, and Justin's chuckle warmed her neck. "You like that, don't you?" Mari nodded. "I love the way you taste when you come," Justin murmured. "It's my favorite thing. Do you think Paul would like it?" "I...I don't know." "Should we see?" Paul sucked her clit between his lips before she could answer, and Mari realized they would find out very soon. Her body was already tense, electrified, and having two mouths on her, four hands, the heat of both bodies, was almost enough stimulation to send her over the edge. Paul held her clit between his lips and flicked the tip of his tongue over it rapidly. Each time his tongue touched her, heat washed through her. The waves came faster and faster, crashing with a dull roar in her head. She almost couldn't hear her husband over the sound of her heart and rapid breathing, but he kept talking. "You know what else I love? The sounds you make. You like that, don't you? You like Paul's tongue, licking your little clit. That's it, go ahead and rock. Grind against his face. What do you want?" "I...I..." "Are you ready to be fucked?" " Yes." "You have to come first." "I am...I will...oh please please please. Please." "Let me hear you, sweetheart." The soft command was followed by another gentle bite. His pinched her nipples as his teeth sank into her flesh, and her hips slammed forward against Paul's face. His teeth skimmed her clit, and the flash of pain turned into a brilliant wave of pleasure. Her hands went to the back of his head, her fingers digging into his scalp, and she held his mouth against her clit, riding out her orgasm. As soon as Mari released his head, her body slumping against Justin's, Paul crawled up her body. His mouth glistened with her juices, and his eyes were still dark with lust. His mouth came close to her neck, and she expected him

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to kiss her, but he just inhaled deeply and sighed. "You're right," he murmured. "She does taste delicious." "Have you done this before?" Mari asked, surprised she could form an entire sentence. "What?" Justin asked. "Shared a woman?" "Yes." "Yes. A long time ago. Before I met you." "Did you ever..." She tilted her head back to meet Justin's eyes. "Have you two ever had sex?" "No. But sometimes..." He fisted Paul's black hair and pulled the other man forward, sandwiching her between them. Justin's tongue darted out and he licked a line from Paul's chin to his lips, circling his mouth with his tongue. Paul parted his lips, allowing Justin the access he sought. Justin plundered his mouth, a soft moan escaping his throat. Mari stared, unsure of what she was seeing. Was her husband bisexual? Did he enjoy kissing men? Mari didn't know the answers, but she did know she found the scene in front of her deeply, almost achingly, erotic. "Sometimes," Justin continued, when the kiss broke, "I can't resist him after he's gone down on somebody." He stroked her hair, pushing the long strands back from her face. "You ready for more?" Mari nodded. A single orgasm wasn't going to be enough to satisfy the deep, pulsing hunger radiating from her center. Her lower abdomen was tight, her pussy still wet. She squirmed, trying to ease the pressure between her legs, but that only brought her in contact with Paul's long, erect shaft. "Oh," she gasped as he shuddered. "Let's lie back a bit." They slid down the mattress together, until Justin was flat on his back, and she was comfortable on top of him. His arms were still tight around her, and she remembered his promise. I'm not going to let you go. While Justin situated them, Paul unrolled a condom down his cock. His rather impressive cock. Everything inside of her constricted. She couldn't hold still, her arms and legs moving reflexively. Paul caught her wrists, holding them above her head. Justin wrapped his fingers around her hands, taking her from Paul. His grip was tight, holding her in place for his friend. Mari wrapped her legs around Paul's hips, pulling him against her. The head of his cock teased her opening, but he paused. She frowned at him, her legs tightening around him, but he didn't move. Are you ready?his eyes seemed to ask. She swallowed hard before nodding. She was ready. She was sure. Justin wanted to give this to her, and she was ready to take it. She didn't know if they'd ever do this again, or if this was her only chance, but it didn't matter. At that moment, she had no doubts. Justin's hand moved over her thigh, and he dipped his fingers between her lips, seeking out her channel. He eased two fingers into her, palm upward. He pumped his wrist once, his fingertips scraping against her front wall. She hissed sharply, pushing her hips forward, seeking more. "She's ready for you," Justin assured the other man. Justin grasped the base of Paul's cock and guided him forward. She tensed as the first inch of his long cock entered her. Despite the toys they regularly used, she wasn't accustomed to the real thing, and she stretched slowly around his shaft as he filled her. Justin kept his hand in place even after Paul was completely sheathed, and for an endless moment, nobody moved. Mari trembled around him, naturally rising to meet his body. Every thought was pushed from her head, and she was reduced to nothing but utter sensation. She burned everywhere Justin's body touched hers. She didn't make a single sound until Paul slowly began to pull out of her, and then, she could only moan as he built the friction with each deliberate inch, until he was gone, and she was nearly crying with frustration. Paul slammed into her, a harsh contrast to his first thrust. Mari cried out, her legs squeezing around him, her hips lifting to meet him. Justin's hand finally abandoned Paul's cock, moving higher up Mari's thigh so he could rest his

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index finger on her clit. He barely touched her, but it was enough to make her clench around Paul's cock. Each stroke after that was long and hard. Mari could do nothing but close her eyes, a yelp of satisfaction escaping her chest with each driving thrust forward. Paul wasn't necessarily bigger, or smoother, or harder than the toys, but he was hot, and he was real, and she could feel his heartbeat each time he plunged into her, and hear his moans. Hear how much he wanted her. Justin grunted, his body moving with theirs, his finger still teasing her clit. He'd occasionally push on the throbbing flesh, and she'd immediately flex her muscles, and then Paul would moan. In a distant way, Mari realized he was directing them both, controlling them, eliciting the reactions he wanted. When he wanted Mari to shout, his other hand found her breast, or his mouth went to her neck. When he wanted Paul to moan, he'd lift his own hips, driving Mari harder onto Paul's cock. And through it all, Justin never stopped talking. He whispered in her ear, telling her how beautiful she was, how wonderful she sounded, how much he loved to feel her body, so hot and pliant against his. He told Paul what to do. Lift her higher. Take her ankles. Hold her like that. Faster. Good. Somehow, she went from having her legs wrapped around his waist to her ankles resting on his shoulders. The new angle sent a shockwave through her body as he slid against her G-spot again and again. She felt her orgasm rushing toward her and she had enough time to twist her head back, seeking Justin's lips. She was looking for a gentle kiss, but that wasn't what she got. He fucked her mouth with his tongue as he pressed his finger against her clit. The sudden pressure detonated a bomb inside her, and the world went black as her entire body shook with the force of her climax. Mari expected Paul to stop, but he didn't. If anything, her orgasm spurred him to go faster. Now the friction was excruciating, every bit of her flesh sensitive from the sudden rush of blood. "I can't...I can't...Paul...oh, my God, I can't take it any more." "Just a little longer," he grunted. "Just want to feel you one more time." "I won't...oh, God, I'm too sensitive." "A little longer." Justin's fingers abandoned her clit and moved up to her nipple. He pinched one hard nub between his thumb and forefinger, and somehow, that was enough to push her over the edge once again. This time, instead of an explosion, it was a long, sticky wave, rolling through her limbs, curling her fingers, making her stomach do a slow back-flip. Before she could protest again, Paul grunted, his body freezing above hers. She could feel him jerk against her walls for several seconds before he finally sighed and gently pulled out of her. "How was that?" Justin asked, sounding just as breathless as she felt. "Good." "I thought it would be. You should listen to me more often." Mari smiled with satisfaction. "I will." Justin rolled on his side without releasing her, allowing her to spoon against him. Paul settled beside them on this back, his thigh pressing against hers. He looked at her with sated, half-closed eyes. "You look exhausted." She yawned. "I am." Justin kissed the back of her head. "You should get some sleep." "I will, but only because you two wore me out." "You're awfully coherent for somebody who's worn out," Paul observed. "Does that mean we'll have to try for four next time?" Next time?Mari wasn't sure there would be a next time, but despite what Paul thought, she didn't have the energy to

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discuss it. Justin began tracing light patterns on her stomach, soothing her to sleep. **** When Mari woke, Justin was sprawled across the bed on his stomach, snoring softly, and Paul was gone. The only sign that he had been there at all was the vague, yet pleasant, ache between her legs. Her eyes were still heavy, and she was tempted to curl around Justin and go back to sleep, but her stomach growled. Sharp hunger pains told her it had been hours since dinner. A quick glance at the clock confirmed it was nearly breakfast time. Mari carefully rolled out of bed and grabbed her robe from the back of the door. She still felt a little sticky, and she wanted to shower, but her hunger was a stronger force. Mari padded downstairs to the kitchen without turning on the lights. She had made the journey from the bedroom to the kitchen in the middle of the night more than once, and she knew the path well. She stopped short when she noticed the golden light spilling from beneath the kitchen door. Curious, she pushed the door open a crack, squinting against the bright light. Paul was sitting at the kitchen table, sipping at a cup of tea, the plate of cookies they'd abandoned earlier sitting near his hand. "Hey," she greeted. He looked up. "Did I wake you?" "No. I think I worked up a bit of an appetite." Paul slid the cookies toward her and gestured at the chair on the other side of the table. "Join me?" "I'd love to." She sat and reached for a cookie. Nibbling the edges, she watched Paul sip his tea. Silence stretched between them, like they were barely acquaintances. "You feel awkward around me now, don't you?" Paul asked softly. "Well, yeah. Don't you feel a little awkward around me?" "No. Not really." He set the cup aside. "Well, maybe a little, but only because you're uncomfortable with me." Mari laughed. "Sorry. But I've never...done anything like this. And I know why Justin suggested it, and I guess I know why I let myself be talked into it, but I'm not sure why you agreed." He reached for a cookie and broke it in half, sending crumbs tumbling to the table. "Because Justin asked me to. Because it was important to him. Because he felt like shit." Paul looked up quickly. "Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying you've ever done or said anything...but it's been hard on him." "I know," Mari said softly. "Did he bring it up or did you offer?" He shrugged. "We both kind of danced around it. I knew he was thinking about the times we used to pick up girls together, and I knew he would never ask that of me...he was relieved when I offered." "I guess you two are closer than I realized." "Yeah, I guess so. I hope this doesn't ruin anything between us, Mari. I know we were never best friends, but I thought we got along well enough." "It doesn't have to change anything," she said. "I just don't know what to expect from now on. You mentioned a next time, but I'm not sure there should be a next time, you know?" "Why not? Didn't you have a good time?" "I did. But Paul..." She abandoned the pretense of eating her cookie and leaned over the table. "Don't you think things could get a bit messy? I like you. I like you well enough I don't want to use you like a walking dildo. And I don't want anybody getting hurt eventually." Paul studied her thoughtfully. "You think I'll want more than sex from you?" "Maybe. Why not? People develop emotional attachments in relationships that are just supposed to be physical. Are

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you telling me that's never happened to you?" "Not exactly like that. But I promise you, I won't develop any inappropriate emotional attachments. You're a friend. That's all I'll ever want you to be." "How can you be sure?" "I'm already in love with somebody." He offered her a wry grin. "Not to get overly melodramatic and cliché, but this person is probably the love of my life." "And she doesn't mind this little arrangement?" "No, he doesn't mind at all. Mainly because he doesn't return my feelings." Mari's eyes widened. "Are you gay?" Paul laughed. "No. I might be in love with a man, but I still love the ladies, if you know what I mean." Mari chewed her bottom lip. "Did Justin expect this to happen again?" "I think he thought he'd leave it up to you, but you'd have to ask him." "I might need some time to get used to the idea." "I understand." She smiled. "You know how many hearts you'd break if anybody ever found out about your unrequited love?" "I'm aware there's a number of people trying to catch my eye, yes. But nobody knows. Except you." "Why did you confide in me?" "I trust you. Maybe if I show you how much, you can trust me, too." "I do trust you," Mari assured him. "I would never do anything to hurt you. Or Justin. I'll leave right now if you think that's the best way to prove it." Mari's stomach clenched, and she felt a prickling at her wrist. It was the way he said Justin's name, and she remembered how he had immediately responded to Justin's kiss. Sometimes I can't resist him , as though Paul routinely tried to make himself irresistible. They had known each other for years, and Justin had once remarked that in all that time, Paul had never had a single serious relationship. Not one. "It's Justin, isn't it?" Paul blinked. "What?" "You love Justin." Fear lit his eyes, and his body tensed. "Am I that obvious?" "No." She smiled, hoping she was reassuring him. "But I recognize the signs." "Oh, God. Are you going to tell him?" "He doesn't know?" Paul shook his head. "No, I never saw the need. And, Mari, what happened here tonight wasn't about...God, it wasn't about trying to get close to him. I came to terms with what our relationship is a long, long time ago." "Are you going to try to steal my husband away?" Mari asked, half-serious. "I would never do anything like that," Paul answered solemnly. "You make him so happy. From the moment he met you... I still remember the night he told me you were going to marry him. I honestly thought he was high on

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something." Mari waited for the rush of jealousy, of possessiveness, of annoyance. It wouldn't be unreasonable to be jealous of Paul. He saw sides of Justin she never would, and had known him much longer. It wouldn't be unnatural to feel possessive. Paul could very well be a rival for Justin's affections, regardless of what Paul said, or if Justin never once indicated he wanted that sort of relationship with Paul. And she had every right to be annoyed. How could Justin bring somebody who was in love with him to their bed? Didn't he realize what a volatile situation that could be? But she didn't feel any of those things. Paul wasn't attempting to rub his relationship with Justin in her face. And she knew Justin wouldn't be interested, even if Paul overtly declared his feelings and begged him to reciprocate. And how could she be annoyed with him if he honestly didn't know? Paul clearly didn't want anybody to know. "Did you get any sleep tonight?" Paul shook his head. "No. I kept meaning to leave, but I thought...I didn't like the implication of slipping out in the middle of the night. It seemed a little too illicit to me." "We still have a few hours before we need to be up." Mari stood and held out her hand. "Why don't you come back upstairs and get some sleep?" "Are you sure?" "I am. The three of us will have to discuss this tomorrow. Make some rules or guidelines or something." Paul arched his brow. "Look, you might not think it's necessary, but it would make me feel better." "I can live with that," he said, taking her hand. Mari led him back upstairs, this time fully aware of her decision and not drugged on Justin's kisses. They all had something the other wanted, and maybe it wasn't such an awful idea to work together, to offer the necessary exchanges. She crawled under the blanket first, gently pushing Justin until he sleepily moved to the edge of the bed, making room for Paul to join them. She sprawled across Justin's back, and Paul spooned around her. The heat and rhythmic breathing of two bodies almost immediately put her to sleep. She could get accustomed to this--drifting to sleep between two strong bodies after a night of fucking. She could easily get accustomed to it. Mari didn't know how, but she knew she was going to think of a way to repay her gratitude. Paul would insist it wasn't necessary, and Justin would insist she already had. She could already hear him tell her that her satisfaction was enough for him. But it wasn't enough. Not for her, at any rate. She wanted to show him how much she loved him, and wanted to show Paul that they did have room for him, somehow. She began to drift away, her dreams mingling with her plans until she couldn't quite tell where one ended and the other began. As she relaxed into sleep, she couldn't quite tell where Justin ended and Paul began. She listened to Justin's familiar breathing and light snores, punctuated occasionally by Paul sighing or gasping for breath, and realized she could get accustomed to that as well.

Pepper Espinoza Pepper Espinoza lives in southern California with her husband and her cats. She has spent the last year working as a full time author, and intends to start graduate school in the fall. You can learn more about Pepper by visiting her website: http://www.pepperverse.net **** Don't miss Surrender's Edge, by Pepper Espinoza,

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Geoffrey Kirk has been in love with his best friend, Nash, since almost the moment they met. Convinced that Nash would never return his feelings, he forced himself to move on, and fell for his assistant, Sunny. Despite his strong feelings, he never acted on them, and when he discovered Sunny and Nash together, he thought he lost his chance for happiness forever. Until Sunny and Nash make it clear that he hasn't lost anything...and he still has a great deal to gain...

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