All That You Do

ARIES: ALL THAT YOU DO …Gage’s lips glistened in the dim light. Christopher had the irrational desire to match the til...

Author: Craig Jamie

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ARIES: ALL THAT YOU DO

…Gage’s lips glistened in the dim light. Christopher had the irrational desire to match the tilt of Gage’s body and seal their mouths together, just to get a sample of what the younger man tasted like. Recognizing how out of character that was for him was the only reason he didn’t. He wasn’t sure why he was being so flirtatious. This wasn’t his style, even when he was in the mood for casual sex. Christopher took things slow. He liked doing it right, whether it was for an illicit fuck in a closet, or a long-awaited quiet date. Hitting on somebody he didn’t know, who was probably still in college, and debating at the same time how long it would take to get his hands beneath the clothes that stood in his way was something Rev would pull, not him. Except here he was, unable to turn away, matching Gage’s smile with a soft one of his own. Gage arched an eyebrow. “Are you saying you want to take me to the beach?” Was he? He barely knew this guy. But what was a harmless walk around the beach? It was certainly a better atmosphere than the bar. He deliberately dropped his hand to Gage’s knee and let it rest there. “I’m saying, if you want to see it, I’d love to show it to you. I’m sure we can arrange something that works for both of us.” Gage’s attention immediately dropped to Christopher’s hand. He didn’t look perturbed by the weight of the contact, but he definitely seemed a little surprised. “That’s…really generous. Thank you.” Christopher stayed there for several seconds longer, letting Gage absorb the heat, learning the strong lines of the muscles. He itched to go higher. Feel the zipper rasp as he pulled it down…

ALSO BY JAMIE CRAIG The Bad And The Beautiful Calendar Boys Series: January – December From Dusk To Dawn His Very Own A Little Bit Bewitched Lucky Haunts The Master Chronicles, Book I – X Nowhere Man On The Ragged Edge Of The World Pas De Deux Queen Of Diamonds Serendipity Son Of A Preacher Man Star Attraction Stealing Northe Stealing West Sticks And Stones Those Who Cherish To Taste The Dawn Wearing Death

TAURUS: ALL THAT YOU DO BY JAMIE CRAIG

AMBER Q UILL PRESS, LLC http://www.AmberQuill.com

TAURUS: A LL T HAT YOU DO AN AMBER QUILL PRESS BOOK This book is a work of fiction. All names, characters, locations, and incidents are products of the author’s imagination, or have been used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons living or dead, locales, or events is entirely coincidental. Amber Quill Press, LLC http://www.AmberQuill.com All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be transmitted or reproduced in any form, or by any means, without permission in writing from the publisher, with the exception of brief excerpts used for the purposes of review. Copyright © 2010 by Pepper Espinoza & Vivien Dean ISBN 978-1-60272-679-6 Cover Art © 2010 Trace Edward Zaber

Layout and Formatting provided by: Elemental Alchemy

PUBLISHED IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA

Taurus: Loyal, sensual, and steadfast. A Taurus will always take care of you, no matter what.

TAURUS: ALL THAT YOU DO

CHAPTER 1 “Really?” Christopher Gleason stood on the sidewalk across the street from Power and did his best not to scowl at the building, or the small cluster of men waiting to get inside. It certainly wasn’t the building’s fault it wouldn’t have been his first choice, or even his second, but tonight wasn’t about him or his preferences for a night out. Tonight was about Rev and nursing his broken heart—again— and if he chose to use a bar prone to attracting the leather crowd to try and forget about that asshole Emilio, Christopher wasn’t going to be the one to tell him no. In all fairness, he should have been better prepared for Power when he agreed to go out with Rev. After all, this was where they invariably ended up every time Rev went on the prowl. But 1


Christopher had spent most of his day at Bonham’s, first doublechecking that all the lots he was interested in were still available, then sitting through interminable bidding on more ephemera than any one septuagenarian reclusive writer should ever have owned, just to get to the larger pieces of furniture Christopher wanted. There was a Hepplewhite secretary desk in particular that he coveted, and when the bidding had gone higher than would turn him a profit at the store, he’d continued anyway, unwilling to lose his favorite piece of the estate. The final price meant keeping the desk for himself, but Christopher had walked away from the sale satisfied and pleasantly drained from a long day’s work. It would’ve been the perfect time for a quiet night in. Feet up, TV on, drink in hand. That wasn’t what Rev needed, though. Christopher wasn’t entirely sure picking up a stranger for nostrings sex was the answer, either, but he’d made a promise. At least Power always had excellent music and decent beer. They waited for a break in the traffic and jogged across the wide street, bypassing the short line to head straight for the bouncer. Christopher didn’t know his name, but Rev had been coming here often enough to have an in, regardless of how many other eager young men might be gathered to enter. He stood aside and let both of them slide past, smiling down at Rev at the same time. “Why don’t you just hook up with him?” Christopher asked once they were inside. Rev was already craning his neck to see past the throng of men at the bar. The low throb of dance music had even those who weren’t on the main floor swaying or nodding to the beat, and the smell of beer, sweat, and sheer hunger prickled the back of Christopher’s throat. 2


“Who?” “Him.” Christopher jerked a thumb at the front door. “The bouncer.” “Jimmy?” Rev tore his attention away from the crowd to glance back, an amused smile brightening his wide, friendly features. That was another reason Rev always came back to Power. He had a smile for everyone, even in the throes of heartache. Toss in the slender body, his long, almost delicate fingers, and the eager puppy vibe he’d probably have when he was sixty, and there wasn’t a man in the building who could resist. None except Christopher anyway. He’d known Rev too long to think of him as more than a hyperactive little brother. “I’d have to wait until he got off work.” “God forbid you should have to wait.” “Yes, God forbid.” Christopher laughed and gave Rev a small push toward the dance floor. “Go enjoy yourself. If you need me, you know where to find me.” Rev didn’t wait, melting into the crowd. Heads turned as he passed. Christopher imagined more than one hand reached out to grope. Sure in the knowledge Rev was getting exactly what he needed to forget about his bastard new ex for a few hours, Christopher’s annoyance dissipated. He’d been planning on having a nice drink at home anyway. There was no reason he couldn’t do the same here. He found an empty seat at the far end of the bar and, after ordering one of the imports Power was famous for, settled in to enjoy the music. More than one set of eyes landed on him appreciatively, but he took care not to return the favors. He wasn’t looking tonight. If Rev found someone and turned down Christopher’s taxi services, maybe then he’d consider it. Maybe. 3


Considering how tired he was, it would have to be somebody special. Christopher was careful to nurse his drink, mindful of the fact that he was still the designated driver. A few of the men on the dance floor tried to make eye contact and lure him away from the bar, but Christopher politely shook his head. It wasn’t always easy to brush people off in Power. It attracted a certain amount of pushy and aggressive people who perceived the word no as a challenge, not a dismissal. He pushed his empty glass across the bar and wasn’t exactly surprised when a voice behind him said, “I’ll get your next one.” “Not necessary,” he said automatically. “But thanks anyway…” He turned around as he spoke, to give his would-be admirer the courtesy of eye contact during the refusal, fleeting as it might be. The words faded away, however, when he saw not the leatherman he expected, but the kind of expectant blue gaze and shy smile he might have found hanging around one of the college campuses in town. The young man wasn’t one of Power’s usual. Blond hair flopped across his forehead, the scruff framing his strong jaw and full, sensual mouth only slightly darker. Though his navy pullover highlighted broad shoulders and a defined chest, he looked too cerebral to live in a gym to get that body. Intelligence lurked in his eyes, and combined with the modest tilt of his head, gave Christopher the distinct impression of a dedicated scholar. A very hot scholar. “I’m the designated driver tonight,” he said, suddenly wanting to give him a better explanation for turning the offer down. “But I do appreciate the thought.” 4


He nodded at his own glass. “What about some ginger ale? Or Coke?” Accepting the offer paved the way to further intentions, even if the young man wasn’t drinking alcohol himself. Christopher knew he should refuse if he wanted to discourage him, but the only good reason he could come up with to turn him down now would be to see if his ass looked as good as his front when he walked away. He could always check it out after one drink, though. “Diet Coke, then.” He stuck out his hand, too many years of practice to prevent him from doing so. “I’m Christopher.” “Gage,” he said, taking Christopher’s hand in a firm grip. “I’m actually glad you don’t want another beer. Now I won’t feel like such a freak for ordering a soft drink at a bar.” “Are you driving for someone, too?” “Oh, no. No, nothing like that. Who are you driving? A friend? A…boyfriend?” “Friend.” He looked automatically for Rev, wondering if he’d managed to find the respite he needed. When he didn’t pop up right away, Christopher turned back to Gage and slid sideways, making room for him to come closer, justifying it by telling himself Gage would have to pay for the drinks anyway. “There’s no telling where he’s gone off to, though. What about you? Are you here with friends?” “Actually, I just moved to the neighborhood. So I’m sort of scoping everything out. Trying to get the lay of the land.” “I should be the one buying you a drink, then, not the other way around. Though if some of these other guys find out you’re new to the area, they’ll probably duke it out over who gets to be on your welcoming committee.” Gage smiled a little self-consciously. “Do you think so? 5


Nobody’s ever been willing to fight over me before.” “Clearly, you’ve been hanging around the wrong people.” He was all too aware Gage hadn’t taken a seat yet, or even moved closer to accept the invitation Christopher had already extended. Christopher might not have wanted the company when he’d first approached, but now that he’d had the chance to speak to him for a minute, he didn’t want to lose it. At least, not right away. “Come here. Let’s get you your refill.” “Oh, right. Thanks.” He slid onto the stool, his leg brushing against Christopher’s as he settled. “Ask anybody back at home, and they’ll tell you I’m definitely hanging around the wrong people.” “Well, I don’t have anybody back at home to ask, now do I?” Unable to resist giving Gage a small smile, he gestured for the bartender to come over. “I’ve just got you.” “If that’s what you want.” Gage grimaced and shook his head. “That didn’t sound as good as I thought it would.” Christopher watched Gage while he ordered their drinks. His nervousness was adorable, especially accompanying the face he pulled. The disparity between the boldness in offering to pay for Christopher’s and the lack of confidence in his own words was intriguing, even more so because Gage had absolutely no reason to be unsure of himself. Christopher hadn’t been kidding about the other men in the bar descending on him like flies to honey. If Gage even blinked in someone else’s direction, Christopher had no doubts that guy would come running. It was entirely possible he saw Christopher as safe compared to the other patrons. A lot of guys were physically imposing, in standard leather gear or ensembles meant to exude power. Christopher hadn’t had time to change after leaving Bonham’s. All 6


he’d done was take off his tie, open the top few buttons of his white shirt, and pull it free of his waistband. He still wore his suit jacket, even. That practically screamed sedate and boring. Gage made him want to be something else entirely. He waited until the bartender was gone before leaning a little closer. “So what do you think of your neighborhood so far?” “It’s…good. Different, though. Very, very different. Nothing like I’m used to. Not that I really knew what to expect. I mean, I’ve never seen a place like this before in my life. I didn’t even know what to make of it when I came in here the first time.” “And now that you’re actually in?” Gage played with the straw in his glass, twirling it around what remained of the ice. “I still don’t really know what to make of it. Like, I don’t really get why everybody’s in leather. Is that just a California thing?” “No, that’s a Power thing. If leather’s not your scene, there are plenty of other places around the city you can try.” Gage looked him over. “I guess it’s not your scene?” “It can be, if I’m in the mood for it. But I’m not as into the costume as I am the man inside it.” If Gage was going to take a long look, so was Christopher. He dragged his gaze downward, lingering on Gage’s chest before crawling farther down to settle for long seconds on his groin and the definite bulge in his jeans. His own cock had been half-hard since first spotting Gage, but such close proximity had him stiffening the rest of the way, his balls heavy as he debated pulling Gage out to the dance floor the next time the music slowed down. He tore his eyes away with difficulty, smiling to defuse how obvious he’d been. “I’m not really advocating going naked all the time. No matter how that sounds.” That startled a laugh out of Gage, but he stifled it quickly. “I 7


knew you didn’t mean that you wanted to see me naked. I mean…I knew you weren’t advocating constant…nudity.” The bartender left two glasses on the bar, and Gage quickly grabbed his and took a deep swallow. “It’s too bad, though. I think you’d look good in some leather.” “Only some?” He wasn’t interested in his drink right now, not with the way Gage’s Adam’s apple bobbed as he gulped down his drink. “Do I want to know which pieces you have in mind, or do I get to pick and choose?” “You’d have to pick and choose.” Gage leaned closer, his smile not faltering. “I don’t really know what the different pieces are.” His lips were wet, glistening in the dim light. Christopher had the irrational desire to match the tilt of Gage’s body and seal their mouths together, just to get a sample of what the younger man tasted like. Recognizing how out of character that was for him was the only reason he didn’t. He wasn’t sure why he was being so flirtatious. This wasn’t his style, even when he was in the mood for casual sex. Christopher took things slow. He liked doing it right, whether it was for an illicit fuck in a closet, or a long-awaited quiet date. Hitting on somebody he didn’t know, who was probably still in college, and debating at the same time how long it would take to get his hands beneath the clothes that stood in his way was something Rev would pull, not him. Except here he was, unable to turn away, matching Gage’s smile with a soft one of his own. “That won’t take you long to figure out. Not in this town.” “I’ll take your word for it. How long have you been in this town?” “I grew up here. I live in Santa Monica now.” “Near the beach?” 8


“Near enough that I can hear it when the windows are open.” Gage’s smile changed and now held a hint of regret. “That must be nice. I haven’t actually seen the ocean yet. I think I had it in my head that LA was one big beach or something.” “How long have you been here?” “It’ll be two weeks tomorrow.” He was even greener than Christopher had imagined. No wonder Power had thrown him for a loop. “I’ll bet you see it before you hit three weeks.” “I thought I’d wait until I met somebody who could show me around.” Another swallow from the glass left it empty. “I don’t know if I want to be alone the first time I see it.” “I’m sure you’ve met a lot of people who’d be willing to give you a tour. You met me, didn’t you?” Gage arched an eyebrow. “Are you saying you want to take me to the beach?” Was he? He barely knew this guy. But what was a harmless walk around the beach? It was certainly a better atmosphere than the bar. He deliberately dropped his hand to Gage’s knee and let it rest there. “I’m saying, if you want to see it, I’d love to show it to you. I’m sure we can arrange something that works for both of us.” Gage’s attention immediately dropped to Christopher’s hand. He didn’t look perturbed by the weight of the contact, but he definitely seemed a little surprised. “That’s…really generous. Thank you.” Christopher stayed there for several seconds longer, letting Gage absorb the heat, learning the strong lines of the muscles. He itched to go higher. Feel the zipper rasp as he pulled it down. Dip inside the jeans to feel abs twitching at his touch. Slide across pre9


come already leaking from Gage’s hard cock. Pulling back meant corralling his control again. He had the fleeting thought that if Rev could see him now, he’d probably yell at him for not jumping Gage on the spot. “You moved to LA without knowing anybody here?” Christopher finally reached for his drink, his throat too dry to handle much conversation without some kind of wet reprieve. “You’re a braver man than I am.” “Yeah, well, I don’t really know anybody anywhere. But I had enough in my checking account for gas, and I had enough in my savings to get a little apartment. I figured that meant it was fate or destiny or something to go to LA. Plus the music scene here is almost as good as Austin.” “Music?” His ears pricked up. “You play?” Gage’s smile turned shy. “Yeah, a little. I mean, mostly my gigs have been school dances and talent shows, so I’m not sure if I’m really prepared to play any actual clubs. But that’s what I’m here to do anyway.” “What kind of music?” “Rock and roll with a bit of a country sound. I like to play loud and fast, but with some fiddles, too. Well, I would like to play with a fiddle. I’m on my own now. Nobody else in the band thought it was our destiny to go to LA.” “Which only makes you braver, if you ask me.” The music had finally slowed into something more seductive, though the driving beat still underscored every note. It called to one and all, men from every end of the club trickling onto the dance floor to appreciate it. Christopher couldn’t resist. He downed the rest of his drink, then slid off his stool, put his hand on Gage’s shoulder, and leaned down to hover at the young man’s ear. 10


“Let me pay you back for the drink. Come out and dance with me.” Gage caught his breath. “Dance? I don’t…I don’t really know how to dance like everybody else here.” “You don’t have to know how. You just have to let me hold you.” Gage opened his mouth, but didn’t speak. For a horrible moment, Christopher was convinced he was about to get down. He couldn’t remember the last time anybody had declined an invitation from him, but he supposed if anybody would do it, it would be this peculiar young man. “I…wow, yeah. Let’s dance.” Not bothering to hide his smile, Christopher caught Gage’s hand before he could change his mind, and pulled him from the chair. The fingers that curled reflexively around his were callused and strong, proof of the time Gage must spend with his music. Christopher tightened his grip just to feel the hardened skin scrape over his. His cock throbbed in time with the current song. There was no way Gage wouldn’t feel it once they hit the floor. For once, the prospect of so blatantly announcing his desire only made him harder. The crowd didn’t make it easy to get through, but he kept a firm hold on Gage until he found a spot large enough for the two of them. Wide eyes looked up into his when Christopher tugged him close. The flashing lights made it harder to see their true color, but there was no missing the way his fuck-me lips parted in surprise as Christopher molded their lower halves together. They didn’t do anything more than sway to the slow rhythm of the song, though the way Gage moved his body made Christopher wonder if he was a better dancer than he let on. The smell of 11


Gage’s skin wafted around him, an undercurrent of Old Spice and peppermint in the crush of bodies on the floor. The inexplicable urge to touch Gage’s hair made his fingers itch, but he kept them in place on Gage’s hips. His thumb slid underneath the hem of Gage’s shirt, and he gently brushed the tip along the warm skin. “I really like this song,” Gage said, his words a little rushed. “Do you?” Truth be told, he’d been paying more attention to the man in his arms than the music around him. Still, Christopher bent his head toward Gage’s ear to answer, rather than have to raise his voice to be heard. “I like the way you move to it more.” This close, he caved to at least one of his temptations. His tongue darted out and licked away the bead of sweat from the soft hollow beneath Gage’s ear. Gage jerked back like he had been shocked, pulling away from Christopher’s grip, his hand going up to cover the skin Christopher had just tasted. His face almost immediately clouded over with embarrassment and he smiled apologetically. “I’m…I’m sorry. You just startled me.” Doubt crept past his desire, and he took a half-step away, lengthening the distance between them, distance it seemed they both needed. “Why don’t we go sit back down, then?” “No, please. I want to dance. I’m sorry I’m so lame. It has nothing to do with you, I promise.” It felt like it had everything to do with him, and the fact that he couldn’t seem to keep his hands or mouth to himself when it came to this particular young man. But more than one person was looking at them now, and the prospect of leaving Gage alone in the middle of the dance floor made him feel like a shit. Carefully, he reached for Gage again, though this time, he kept his hands in 12


more respectable, fully clothed places, and his mouth far away from any further seduction. “I’m sorry I’m so jumpy,” Gage muttered. Christopher almost didn’t catch it under the music. “It’s something I’m trying to work on.” He tried to make light of it, though he still felt like they should take it back to the bar. “You’re not expecting an old boyfriend from your hometown to come in and make a scene, are you?” Gage snorted. “No. That’s pretty much the one thing I don’t have to worry about.” Maybe it was a bad break-up, then, that had him so skittish. Someone who hadn’t appreciated Gage and what he had to offer and perhaps abused his trust. It would explain, too, why he’d pick up and just leave town on a whim, leaving his band behind. Trying to escape memories and start over. Though he knew his theories were romantic drivel at best, Christopher relaxed enough considering them to pull Gage flush with his body again. He kept his hold looser this time, everyplace still respectable, and let the music control how they moved. “This is nice,” Gage murmured after Christopher relaxed. “For two years, the only human contact I had was shaking hands.” That sense of innocence clinging to Gage like a second skin returned, evoking more of Christopher’s protective instincts than before. Without tightening the embrace, he ducked his head, letting his nose and lips nuzzle Gage’s temple, and breathed him in. No other contact. Just a deep inhalation. Then letting it out. Allowing the scent of Gage’s cologne and light sweat to fill his head and focus him on giving Gage a few moments of the contact he might not necessarily know how to process but so obviously craved. Christopher caught his breath when he felt Gage’s tentative lips 13


brush across his throat. It was the softest of caresses. Barely a kiss at all. His lips were smooth, but the scruff of his beard scraped across Christopher’s skin. He instantly tried to imagine what the hair would feel like across his chest, along his hips, and sliding up and down his shaft. Christopher tried to snap his thoughts back to the present, but they still lingered on how Gage’s mouth would look wrapped around his cock. Someone jostled into Christopher’s arm, forcing him to tense in reflex. If Gage felt it, he didn’t react, but the swarm of bodies only heightened Christopher’s desire to shield Gage from the worst of them. He let his hand stray to the small of Gage’s back, slowly so he didn’t startle him again, letting his fingers gradually disappear beneath the hem of the shirt. The heat he found sent his pulse thundering. When his other hand lifted to the back of Gage’s head, he told himself it was to better secure Gage from getting bumped again, but he knew it was only partially true. He wanted to keep their bodies aligned, maybe encourage Gage to try kissing him again. His own mouth watered for another taste, but until he was sure Gage wasn’t going to run, he had to hold firm and wait. His hopes weren’t in vain. He felt Gage’s lips on the hollow of his throat, and then a hint of his tongue. Just the very tip. Like Gage wanted to steal a taste of his skin without getting caught. Christopher wondered what it would take to prompt Gage to be bolder, but at the same time, he found Gage’s timidity charming. “It sounds like the song’s ending,” Gage murmured, his mouth close enough Christopher felt the shape and breath of the words. “Yeah.” Which was a shame. He continued to hold Gage, his fingertips now massaging lightly at the edge of Gage’s nape. “Do you want to dance more? Or I could look for a table where we 14


could have some more privacy than at the bar.” Christopher felt a slight shiver move through Gage’s body. “Dance more. Definitely.” He smiled, though Gage wouldn’t see it. “It probably won’t be a slow one. They only play those every once in a while to let people catch their breath.” “Maybe we could find music somewhere else.” “We could find privacy somewhere else, too.” “Do you have anywhere in mind?” He would have loved suggesting his place, but he had the distinct feeling a blatant invitation like that would startle Gage into backing off for good. The progress they had made during the dance would be lost, and Christopher didn’t want that. He wanted the time to coax Gage into trusting his instincts, to indulge in what he wanted without having to fear the repercussions. Under that innocent exterior, there was a sensual man just waiting to be discovered. Probably begging for it. Christopher wanted to be the one to find him. The music finally finished, and as the driving pulse of the next song took over, Christopher caught Gage’s hand and pulled him through the hot, sweaty bodies to the edge of the dance floor. He spotted an empty section of the wall and guided Gage to it, pushing him gently ahead until his back hit the brick. Bracing his hands on either side of Gage’s shoulders, he leaned in with a soft smile. “If you could be anywhere right now, where would you be?” he asked. Gage licked his lips. Just the sight of his tongue intensified all of Christopher’s fantasies. “Someplace private. My…” He swallowed. “My apartment is just one block over.” Every single one of his nerves leapt in excited triumph. That 15


was exactly what he’d wanted to hear. Somehow, however, he managed to keep from grabbing Gage and dragging him out of the club, then and there. “I’d like that.” He bent closer and turned his head to skim his mouth along Gage’s jaw. His taste buds watered for more, but he had to settle for the slight contact he got, at least for now. “You’ll have to lead the way, though. Otherwise, I’ll forget we’re in public, and show you how crazy you make me right here.” Gage’s smile was an endearing combination of shyness and pleasure. He turned his head and let his mouth brush against Christopher’s. When he felt Gage try to pull away, he cupped the back of his head to hold him in place and deepened the kiss. Gage followed his lead, parting his lips, allowing the tips of their tongues to touch. He could tell Gage was holding himself back— he was welcoming but reserved. Christopher didn’t mind. He had all night to push past Gage’s shields. When Christopher lifted his head, Gage’s eyes were bright and his mouth needed to be kissed again. “Come on,” Gage rasped. He took Christopher’s other hand and tugged him toward the door. As they skirted the edge of the crowd, Christopher saw Rev gyrating against a bear who seemed more interested in trying to catch Rev’s hips than dancing. Rev glanced over in time to catch his eye, but when he saw Gage leading Christopher away, his brows shot up, and a broad grin split his features. Christopher rolled his eyes, but did it with a smile, especially when Rev threw a thumbs-up at him. He wasn’t worried about abandoning Rev. They’d long ago worked out their system. If Rev couldn’t find Christopher when he wanted to leave, he’d call. The night was cooler when they stepped outside, the perfect 16


excuse to edge closer to Gage. Darkness prevented him from seeing more than a profile and shadows, but the memory of that pretty mouth was more than enough to tide Christopher over until he got the real deal again. “So do you have any recordings of your own music?” he asked. “I’d love to hear something.” “A few mp3s. But they don’t really sound that good. They weren’t done in a studio or anything.” Gage hadn’t been lying when he said he was just a block away. They were standing outside his building within a few minutes. The apartment was a third floor walk-up, but Christopher didn’t mind taking the stairs. It gave him the perfect opportunity to study Gage’s backside. Which was quite nice. He couldn’t wait to get those pants off. “Okay, I just want to warn you that it’s not much, but it’s mostly clean,” Gage said, as he unlocked the door. Christopher waited until he’d flicked a switch just inside before tugging Gage back into his arms and nudging the door shut with his heel. “I did warn you, you drive me crazy,” he murmured. He caught a glimpse of Gage’s eyes widening, but then all he saw was his soft mouth, and the way his lips parted the moment before Christopher sealed them with his own. He had expected Gage to relax once they were out of the club and in his own home, but Christopher still sensed that he was holding back. Gage fisted Christopher’s shirt, holding him close as Christopher deepened the kiss. His enthusiasm was clear, which made Christopher wonder why the kiss almost seemed clumsy. Gage’s other hand wandered over Christopher’s body, lightly touching his shoulder and then his chest, finally settling on his hip. Gage’s erection pressed against his thigh, and his own cock 17


pressed against uncomfortably against his zipper. Christopher dismissed his concerns. The important thing was they both wanted this. Gage had said himself he hadn’t been close to anybody in some time. He just needed to get warmed up. Though it was the hardest thing he’d done all night, Christopher slowed the caress. The kiss remained deep and open, but instead of letting Gage try and discern their tempo, he teased the tip of his tongue with delicate, almost fleeting, glances, coaxing it forward until Christopher could suck it into his mouth. He groaned when Gage trembled, and loosened the embrace to slide his hand down the center of Gage’s chest. He stopped when he reached the hard ridge of denim, molding his fingers over the bulge. Gage jerked away from the touch, but didn’t pull away from Christopher’s hold. He broke the kiss and looked at Christopher with wide eyes, like he couldn’t quite believe Christopher had touched him there. “Sorry,” he said before Christopher could speak. “I didn’t…I wasn’t expecting that.” Christopher ran his tongue over his lower lip, already missing the way Gage tasted. “What were you expecting then?” “I don’t know. This is all a first for me.” The simple words startled Christopher into straightening. His hands fell away, and he stared at Gage like he was seeing him all over again. A first. Of course. That would explain the timidity, the awkwardness. Hesitation he’d considered charming but in fact stemmed from inexperience. What was he doing, picking up a kid who had no idea what he was doing? It didn’t matter that Gage had offered to buy him a drink. Everything that had happened after that 18


point was all Christopher. “And you invited a stranger back to your place? Anything could have happened to you.” “I can handle myself,” Gage said defensively. “Besides, I like you and you don’t seem like a psychopath.” “I’m not.” His brain returned to the conclusion he’d drawn earlier, that Gage had picked him because he was a safe choice. He’d been all right with the assumption before, but now, it kind of annoyed him. “So what’s this all about? Did you know Power is a gay bar?” “Yes. The fact that there were no women there was a big tipoff. As for what this is all about…what do you think it’s all about?” “I thought it was about sex, but that was before.” Gage frowned, confusion pulling his brows together. “What do you think it’s about now?” “I think it’s about me leaving.” He ran a hand through his hair, pushing it off his face. His body still wanted Gage in a bad way, but his head no longer believed it was anywhere close to a good idea to continue. Somehow, he had to find a way to get the two in agreement before his feet would agree to walk him out the door. “Look. You are…hot. Really hot. And I meant everything I said back at the bar about how crazy you make me. But I can’t take advantage of the fact that you’ve never done this before.” “How are you taking advantage of anything? I want you, Christopher. I really, really want you. If you just want this to be a one-night thing, that’s fine with me. You never have to see me again.” In the pale light of the living room, Gage’s eyes seemed far bluer than they’d been back at the bar. They were now dark with 19


longing, sparkling from the adrenaline of their kisses even now with their bodies separated. He was still hard, too, and made no attempt to hide his arousal. He was everything Christopher could have asked for, for a night of pleasure and escape. Except for the fact that Christopher would feel like shit in the morning for doing the one thing Gage didn’t understand. “You’re new to town.” He kept his voice smooth and low, hoping it would help relay his seriousness on the matter. “And you said it yourself, this is all new to you. You don’t even know what options you have out there. I would be an asshole if I got in your way of finding it out.” Gage regarded him for another beat, and then his face hardened into a stony mask. “Fuck it.” He pushed past Christopher and yanked the door open. “Just go.” With the order hanging between them, his feet could finally comply. He took two steps, then stopped. “Will you answer me one thing first?” “What?” “Was this just going to be a onetime thing to try, or is this who you are? Honestly.” Gage snorted. “You sound like my family. I moved to a strange city with no friends because I was tired of acting like something I wasn’t. Does that answer your question?” It did, actually. He was sorry Gage would likely lump him in with the rest of the people in his life to give him a hard time, but at least now he knew. “I know you don’t get it now, but hopefully you will at some point.” Reaching inside his jacket, he pulled out his wallet, extracted one of his business cards, and held it out. “When you do, 20


and if you feel like seeing a friendly face in this strange city, call me.” He smiled, soft and a little sad for the opportunity he’d almost had. “Because I liked you before I even considered coming home with you.” Gage took the card but didn’t bother looking at it before sliding it in his back pocket. “Yeah, right. I get it.” Christopher didn’t think he did, but standing around to try and explain it wouldn’t do either of them any good. With a nod, he stepped into the hall and turned away. The door slammed shut behind him. As he headed for the stairs, Christopher adjusted his erection, still present in spite of his better sense. He was doing the right thing. He knew that. He just hoped Gage did, too, some day.

21


CHAPTER 2 Being alone wasn’t so bad. Gage could handle being alone. But being lonely was something far, far worse, and he’d never been so lonely in his life. Even when he had been on his mission, all twisted up and tortured inside, it hadn’t felt as bad as this. At least when he was on his mission, he could work himself into exhaustion. But now, there was no relief from it. Every waking moment held a reminder of how isolated he now found himself, and when he slept, he dreamt of people he hadn’t seen in months and might not ever see again. Going to Power had been an act of desperation. He had never been to an establishment like that. Never even imagined a place like that. Eduardo, the kid who worked at the Laundromat, had called it a “meat market” and implied Gage wouldn’t be 22


comfortable there. But it didn’t matter, as long as somebody wanted him. As long as somebody would take him home for the night, and show him what it was like to not be lonely. Relief had rushed through him at the first sight of Christopher. He seemed clean and sane and Gage had never seen a more beautiful man in his life. He had found the courage to approach the stranger, half knowing it wouldn’t end well but needing to try anyway. That Christopher had acknowledged him at all had been a major boon. It was so easy to talk to him. He didn’t make Gage feel completely stupid despite his general ignorance. By the time they were on the dance floor, his elation level had reached an all time high. He had almost felt like giggling, and a strange rush of warmth moved from his eyes to his toes every time Christopher touched him. Now his wax wings were melted and he was back on earth where he belonged. In the little gray apartment he would have never imagined for himself. He lived above a Laundromat and a place that sold Hawaiian Bar-Be-Q, and at night the single room often smelled of a combination of dryer sheets and pineapple. But it was cheap, and it was his. He was twenty-two years old, and this was the first time he had his own living space. He could come and go when he pleased, leave the television on all night (which he would do if he had a television), wake up as late as he wanted. He’d need to get a job soon, but for now, he had enough left over from his mission savings to live on for a few months. Gage collapsed to the bed without bothering to undress, playing the night over and over in his mind. Trying to point to the moment he’d fucked everything up. He knew his inexperience could be a turn off, but he didn’t expect it to send Christopher running as fast as he could in the opposite direction. After years of guilt and self23


inflicted punishment and hiding, he thought it would be easier in LA. Maybe everybody back at home was right. Maybe there really was something wrong with him. Something that needed to be cured. Or some demon that needed to be cast out. The worst part—beyond his actual humiliation—was the fact he couldn’t return to Power. Which wasn’t his favorite place, by any means, but it was the closest place to get a drink and find some company. Or maybe virgins weren’t welcome in a place like that? Maybe there was some sort of unspoken code for leather bars—if you’re not at least this experienced you need to leave. At this point, it wouldn’t surprise Gage. He didn’t think much could surprise him anymore. Christopher hadn’t indicated he was a regular there, but Gage didn’t want to risk running into him again. The embarrassment would probably kill him. He’d have a stroke and die right in the middle of a leather bar and word would get back to his parents, then they would have strokes. Gage stared up at the ceiling until the heat became too much to tolerate. Going on a mission to Mexico had actually prepared him for the sort of heat he’d experience in LA, but it was still too much. He sat up and clawed his T-shirt off, tossing it aside and sighing as the air moved over his slick skin. It helped, but it wasn’t enough. He pushed himself off the bed and crossed the narrow room to pry open the window. The muted sounds of the city flooded the room, as did the smell of laundry and pineapple. But the temperature had fallen a few degrees, and it felt good for a moment to simply stand there and survey the empty street below him. Gage didn’t regret the decision to leave Utah. Every day in Salt Lake was killing him. There were other gays in Salt Lake. There were a few clubs, and he had found an entire group of them on 24


Facebook. For a year, he had tried to connect with them. To hang out with them every night while he went to school during the day and fulfilled all his obligations to the Mormon Church. He attended services every Sunday, and did everything that was asked of him during the week, and commuted over forty miles a day to attend BYU because his mother wanted him to live with the family rather than in the dorms. She had become suspicious since he was sent home early from his mission, and she was right to be. Every single one of her fears were valid. Except one. He’d never sinned. Even now, he could probably make that claim. Every time he tried, so much guilt and self-loathing would overwhelm him that he would be forced to stop. Christopher was going to be different. Gage had felt it. Christopher was going to make him forget the black shroud of guilt he wore. Maybe not forever, but that was fine. Gage hadn’t been looking for forever. He had been looking for one night. Gage abandoned the window and picked up the acoustic guitar propped against the wall. He had an electric and a semi-acoustic hidden in his closet, and sometimes he found himself wondering what he would do if he couldn’t find a job. Would he be able to part with one of his guitars if it meant keeping his room and surviving another month? Or would he hold onto his guitars and drive his clunker back up to Salt Lake? It bothered him that he didn’t have an answer to that question. He sat on the edge of the bed and began to strum. Things weren’t all bad. He did have a gig at a little bar and grill called the Red Fin. He’d just be playing for tips, but the manager had really liked his audition. It wasn’t much, but it was a start. If his first night went well, it would keep him occupied for most of the week. Plus, he’d have to practice and that would distract him from his 25


worrisome thoughts. Christopher’s voice suddenly filled his mind. So do you have any recordings of your own music? I’d love to hear something. That had probably been a lie. Just another line. But what if he had been sincere? If he had been, he might have been sincere about the other things he said, too. Especially the bit about being a friend. Gage didn’t think he could turn his back on a potential friendship. It wasn’t as though he had friends to spare. But what if Christopher had just said those things to help ease his retreat? What if he handed over his card assuming Gage understood it wasn’t actually meant to be used? Well, if he did, that was his problem. It should have been quite clear to him that Gage didn’t understand anything about the nuances and difficulties of relationships in LA. He took the card from his back pocket and studied the embossed letters. Christopher Gleason. Gage could call him and invite him to the Red Fin. If he didn’t show up, then Gage would know exactly the sort of person he was and could give himself permission to forget ever meeting him. If he did show up, then… Well, Gage could cross that bridge when he came to it. If he came to it. There was no indication if the numbers were for his home, his cell, or his business. But Gage figured the chances were good that if he called, he’d get Christopher’s voice mail. Which was exactly what he wanted. He didn’t feel capable of actually speaking to the other man. Not yet. His palm slid along his phone as he held it to his ear. He didn’t want to be nervous, but his body apparently had different ideas. At the first ring, he caught his breath. On the second, he ducked his head and squeezed his eyes shut. The third ring never came. 26


“Gleason Antiques.” Christopher’s rich, smooth baritone leapt through the connection and nearly startled Gage into dropping the phone. “How may I help you?” “You answer your phone this late at night?” Gage blurted, the question crowding a regular greeting out of his brain. There was a pause, just a small one, but there nonetheless. “When I’m still awake. Gage?” “Yeah, it’s me.” Gage took a deep breath. What the hell was he doing? This was stupid. But he couldn’t hang up now. Not if he wanted to keep what remained of his pride intact. “I was thinking about something you said…about listening to a recording of my music.” “Oh? I thought you didn’t like the quality of the mp3s you have.” “I’m going to be playing at this little place called the Red Fin on Sunday night. If you really did want to hear something.” “I do. I’m not familiar with the Red Fin, though. Where’s that? In your neighborhood?” “Yes.” Gage gave him the address, doing his best to keep his voice casual. Like he didn’t care at all if Christopher showed up or went and jumped in the lake, as his grandmother would say. “It’s small, but the food is pretty good.” “Hang on.” Background noises filtered over the line, the distinct roll of a drawer being opened and shut included. When Christopher repeated the address under his breath, Gage imagined him with his head bent, the sun-streaked hair falling against his cheek as he wrote it down. “I’m not open on Sundays, so that’s perfect for me. Thanks for letting me know.” “Yeah, you’re welcome.” He wondered if Christopher was alone, and then wondered why it mattered. “Maybe you could 27


spread the word? If my debut has a good turnout, Julio might be more inclined to give me a regular gig.” “I can definitely do that. And I’m sure Rev can round up a gang, too. The more the merrier is one of his specialties.” “Great. Then I guess I’ll see you on Sunday. Have a good night.” “Gage, wait.” The soft urgency in Christopher’s tone tightened his grip on the phone, though he wasn’t entirely sure why. Christopher cleared his throat, then said, “I’m glad you called me. I was worried you wouldn’t.” “I only did because I didn’t think you’d answer the phone.” “Oh. So I guess talking now would be out of the question.” The thought of having a nice little chat with Christopher so soon after one of the more humiliating moments in his life didn’t exactly leave him feeling warm and fuzzy. “I’m actually really tired right now. We can talk on Sunday night. After the gig.” “What about before? Do you have time to let me buy you dinner, maybe?” Gage laughed. “I’m going to be way too nervous about my first gig in LA to be able to eat. It’s best if we meet after.” “All right, I’ll hold you to that, then.” “Okay. Sounds like a plan.” It was easy to agree, but only because he wasn’t entirely convinced Christopher was planning to show up at all. For all he knew, the older man was just humoring him, or trying to let him down gently. After all, a lot of stuff could happen between then and Sunday night. Christopher could probably come up with a dozen excuses for not showing. *

* 28

*


It wasn’t that big of a deal. Gage repeated that to himself again and again, trying to calm his raging nerves. No matter how many times he wiped his palms off on his pants, he couldn’t dry them. No matter how much water he downed, he couldn’t moisten his dry lips. There were only a handful of people in, and Mindy, the hostess, assured him the dinner rush didn’t actually start rushing until closer to eight. It was almost seven. Almost time for him to go over to the small stage and start singing. He wasn’t exactly worried about the performance itself. He had rehearsed his set list at least a hundred times. He knew it was solid. Knew he had the skills and experience to carry it off. The songs he had chosen were mostly classic rock with a few Johnny Cash numbers thrown in for good measure, and a handful of his own compositions. Julio had made it clear that he wanted to get people dancing, and in general, people didn’t dance to music they didn’t know. Gage understood that. It didn’t hurt his feelings to sit on his own music until he had a more appropriate venue. Gage was downing his fourth glass of water and hoping he wouldn’t regret it later when he noticed Mindy leading a rather large party to four tables that had been pushed together near the stage. Suddenly, Gage realized he didn’t want to play for a crowd. They were going to be basically at his feet. Staring at him. Or not staring at him. Ignoring him and laughing and drinking and acting like he was nothing more than a jukebox in the corner. But what choice did he have? He needed to start somewhere. Julio leaned over the bar and tapped his arm. “You’re on, amigo.” The thudding of his heart echoed through him with each ponderous step. His guitar weighed at least fifty pounds, and the song list was entirely gone from his mind. What was he going to 29


open with? He couldn’t remember anything. He couldn’t do anything. It’s no big deal. It’s no big deal. He began muttering the words to himself, focusing on them to help bring him back to earth. Once he reached the small stage, he lifted the guitar from its case, settled the strap over his shoulder, and strummed a few chords to make sure it was in tune. He made the small adjustments necessary, strumming between each one, until he was finally happy with the sound. Gage looked up, surveying the crowd for the first time, and his heart stopped. Instead of hearing its heavy beat, he only heard the sound of Christopher’s voice as he leaned over and spoke to the man seated next to him. He’d come. In the day and a half since talking to him, Gage had convinced himself it had all been a ploy. Christopher wouldn’t show up, Gage could throw away his card, and that would be that. But there he was. Though Gage had the few lights trained on the stage shining in his eyes, he still saw Christopher more than clearly. The jacket and dress slacks he’d worn to Power were gone. In their place were another lightweight, button-down shirt, this one a hunter green, open at the collar and rolled at the sleeves to show a hint of hair curling farther beneath the fabric, paired with dark jeans. Neither garment hid the man’s structured body. In fact, the shirt accentuated his broad shoulders, while the denim highlighted his trim hips. Gage could still remember how amazing it had felt being pressed to him while they danced, even after he’d made a fool of himself by jumping when Christopher kissed below his ear. The clothes did nothing to hide how gorgeous he was, though. He wore his brown hair longer than Gage was used to, in natural waves that fell nearly to his shoulders, and had heavy brows above 30


the most mesmerizing pair of green eyes he had ever seen. Gage had barely noticed the wide mouth, or the strong jaw, though he’d definitely been more than aware of them while Christopher had kissed him. It was just that, when they’d been talking, when Christopher looked at him, waiting for him to say something, everything else fell away. That was probably why he’d put such stock in the night turning out so well. And why it had been so embarrassing when it hadn’t. The man Christopher was talking to glanced up at the stage, catching Gage’s eye for a moment. Hurriedly, Gage shifted his attention back to his guitar, his mind racing as he tried not to imagine what Christopher had said. By the time he looked out over the audience again, Christopher had sat back in his seat, his full focus on Gage. The corner of his mouth lifted in a small, half-smile when Gage dared to look at him again. He was frozen. For an eternity, he couldn’t move. Why was Christopher there? Why had he bothered to show up at all? What sort of game was this? Did Christopher really want to be friends? Gage supposed he could deal with that. He had been mostly in love with his best friend, Kirby, and he had never even suspected. He could handle Christopher. There was nothing to be afraid of. That thought broke his paralysis. He put his hands in their proper places, and then there was music. The first chords of “Me and Julio Down by the Schoolyard.” And then he was singing, and his voice sounded fine. His attention wandered around the bar, but no matter how much he tried, he couldn’t stop his gaze from drifting back to Christopher. The butterflies in his stomach calmed, and the weight that had been on his shoulders evaporated. “That song was dedicated to Julio, for giving me a chance up here. My name’s Gage, and if there’s anything you want to hear, 31


feel free to shout it out.” With that, he smoothly launched into “When I’m Sixty-Four,” just like he had practiced so many times before.

32


CHAPTER 3 There was no doubt about it. Christopher absolutely adored the sound of Gage’s voice. He hadn’t known what to expect, honestly. He’d wanted to believe Gage was good, but he’d been upfront with Rev when requesting his help in getting an audience together for him. Of course, then he’d had to deal with the barrage of questions about why he hadn’t actually spent the night with Gage, but it had been worth the hassle. Rev came through with a group of friends who enjoyed new talent and wouldn’t raise a stink if it wasn’t up to par, even if he refused to understand what was so wrong with fucking a virgin. Christopher didn’t tell him that Gage hadn’t gotten it, either. Maybe the invitation to watch him play meant he’d finally 33


understood why Christopher couldn’t push his advantage. For all his high hopes, however, he hadn’t been prepared for the reality. Gage had a natural rasp to his singing voice that lent it character far surpassing his youth. Christopher had no clue how his guitar playing was supposed to measure—it sounded fine to him, regardless—but after the second song, Rev nudged his arm to tear his attention away from the stage and murmured, “He’s really good.” To Christopher, really good was an understatement. Gage proved he had a wide range of musical interests and influence, and his voice had an equally impressive range. As the night wore on, and Gage became noticeably more comfortable, the songs shifted slightly. There were a few more tunes he didn’t recognize at all, but even those didn’t lose the interest of the table. At one point, after the fifth round of drinks for the night, one of Rev’s occasional lays, Bodie, shouted, “‘Don’t Fear the Reaper.’” Gage paused and smiled. “Really? On the acoustic?” Bodie responded instantly. “Yes.” When Gage nodded and started to strum, Christopher listened in ever increasing fascination. He was the least musical person he knew. He enjoyed it, but he never bothered with live shows, and he only listened to new-to-him artists when Rev insisted. Most of his friends were horrified at his ambivalent attitude, but he had enough interests to keep him occupied. As a result, Gage’s ability to apparently play and sing any song stunned him. The fact that he could write his own songs only added to Christopher’s amazement. Gage played for an hour before lifting his guitar from his shoulder. “Got to take a break. I’ll be back soon. Which was a promise, by the way, not a warning.” Laughter rippled through the crowd, followed by an immediate 34


rush of applause. Gage shot them the same shy smile that had so captivated Christopher at Power, then headed for the side of the stage. Christopher pushed back his chair as soon as he saw him head off. “I’ll be right back.” Rev cocked a brow at him. “Don’t trip over your tongue on the way.” He waved off the sarcasm. He wasn’t drooling. He just wanted to thank Gage again for inviting him. Gage disappeared into the restroom first, prompting Christopher to hang back against the wall, waiting for him to emerge. Several minutes passed, time he debated the wisdom of what he was doing. He was almost ready to return to his seat when Gage finally came out and headed straight for the bar. Christopher followed, watching as Julio set a glass of water in front of Gage. That disappeared in just a few swallows. “You know, amigo, you can have something stronger.” “No, water’s good.” “Not even a coffee?” When Gage shook his head, Julio asked what he would like from the kitchen. “Nothing, thank you. I’m good.” “You have to eat.” “I’m taking care of that after the show,” Christopher said, before Gage could respond. He eased into the space next to him and pushed two twenties across the bar. “Can you send another round of drinks to the group of four tables at the front, please?” “Sure thing.” Julio pushed the money in his apron and moved to the other side of the bar. “That’s quite the cheering section you brought,” Gage said. The tone was cordial, friendly even. It gave Christopher hope 35


he could salvage the younger man’s friendship after all. “That’s what you wanted, so that’s what I got you.” He glanced over his shoulder at the large party. “Are they liking the show?” “They’re loving it. Almost as much as I am.” He waited for Gage to shift back to him and smiled. “This was a lot better than listening to an mp3. Thank you for letting me know about it.” “I was just trying to make sure I had an audience,” Gage said, but Christopher could tell by his smile that he was pleased with the compliment. Christopher leaned against the bar, angling toward Gage to keep their conversation more private. “You are going to join us when you’re done, right?” “I will if you’re inviting me.” “I’d like it if you would. I’ve been looking forward to this since you called.” Gage bit the bottom of his lip before asking, “What about later? Will you be inviting me anywhere later tonight?” His stomach twisted at the question. In spite of his resolve not to take advantage of Gage’s innocence, there was no denying Christopher’s reaction to him. He wouldn’t have thought it possible, but Gage looked even more delectable than he had Friday night. Light perspiration stuck his hair to his temples and forehead, and the water he’d downed after the first half of his set had left his mouth wet and begging to be kissed. Christopher wanted to take him by the hand and drag him home for a private concert, but that would mean forgetting everything he’d already said to Gage. He’d be a hypocrite, as well as the jerk who simply took what he wanted. He couldn’t let that happen. “I can’t.” The flash of disappointment might have been quickly 36


masked by cooler indifference, but Christopher had seen it just the same. How much it stung surprised him. “You’re probably going to be dead tired, anyway. Especially after the guys spend the rest of the night fawning over you.” “Fawning?” Gage snorted. “I think that’s what normally happens to rock stars. Not kids playing for tips.” “You’re selling yourself short. The guy who suggested ‘Don’t Fear the Reaper’ to you? Look.” He pointed back to the tables, where everyone was laughing at some unheard story, including Bodie. “He would’ve walked out during your break if he didn’t think you were good. Part of his job is screening actor audition reels. He has zero tolerance for anybody he considers a hack.” “Yeah, I have the feeling that guy was trying to trip me up. But I guess I passed his test.” Gage tilted his head. “What about you? What’s your tolerance level for hacks? Or does that not come up much in the antique business?” He was about to ask how Gage had known he was in antiques when he remembered his business card. “I like to think I recognize quality when I see it.” He smiled. “Rev says that just means I’m a snob.” “Is that why you got into antiques? I always associated antique stores with old guys who were probably born before most of their merchandise was even made.” “I grew up with the store, actually. It was my grandfather’s first. Instead of paying for a babysitter, my parents used to drop me off with him whenever they couldn’t watch me. Which was most of the time before I started school, and then after school got out once I did. But that was okay, because I loved the place. And I loved learning everything he wanted to show me.” Gage shifted on his stool, leaning in a little closer to 37


Christopher. “My grandfather is kind of the reason I got into music. He had all of my uncles’ old records and instruments down in his basement. He didn’t care if I spent hours down there with the old turntable. It kept me out of his hair and out of trouble.” The image of a younger Gage kicking up trouble deepened his smile. “I’d say that was time well spent, then. And maybe I’m not the only one with a thing for antiques.” “No, my thing was definitely for music. My mom didn’t like rock. Or anything that wasn’t church hymns and the Tabernacle Choir. She was even suspicious of classical music. She said Beethoven was too exciting.” “Did you ever get to study it seriously? Or is all this just raw, natural talent?” “My dad fought hard to get me into jazz band when I started high school. And I took a music class at BYU. But I didn’t even try to major in it. I knew my mom would freak out if I did.” “BYU?” “Brigham Young University. I went there for a year before and a year after my mission. I’m officially a college dropout.” Gage had mentioned this mission on Friday night, but Christopher hadn’t really known what he’d been referring to. In context with his brief college career, though, he finally understood. He had to be Mormon, which would more than explain his lack of experience. Christopher was a little embarrassed to realize he didn’t know much about the religion except for the polygamy angle and Rev’s occasional chattering about Big Love. Nobody he knew even went to church. “If you keep on playing the way you did tonight, you’re not going to need that college education. They’d be fools not to keep you on here.” 38


“My aspirations go a bit beyond playing at the Red Fin, though I’d appreciate it if you didn’t mention that to Julio.” “My lips are sealed.” “Anyway, I’m not saying I’ll never go back to college. I might some day. But I wanted to grow a beard so I had no choice but to drop out and leave.” It was clearly a joke of some kind, though Christopher felt there was a punch line he was missing. Still, it made him chuckle, and the urge to reach out to Gage even more overwhelming. The memory of that beard against his tongue had him swallowing, his gaze dropping for a split second to Gage’s mouth. “I can’t even call myself a dropout. I would’ve had to enroll first. But I always knew I’d work at the store. I just didn’t know I’d own it someday.” “Really? You didn’t think your grandfather would leave it to you?” He shrugged. “I guess I never believed he’d actually die. He was just always there.” “Yeah, I know what you mean. I thought the same thing about my grandfather.” Gage glanced at his watch. “I’m scheduled to be back on stage in five minutes. Got any special requests?” Yeah, ditch these guys with me so we can finish what we’ve started. But he couldn’t say that out loud, as much as he wanted to. “Surprise me.” Gage grinned. “Technically every song on my set list is a surprise to you. Tell me what you like. I’ll play whatever you want.” He wasn’t making this easy. Christopher wished he could wow him with some esoteric, indie suggestion, but put on the spot, he could only offer the truth. “The Eagles. Or bands like that. But 39


really, anything is good. Honest.” Gage pursed his lips thoughtfully then nodded. “Well, at least that’s something to work with.” Standing, he added, “Do me a favor and tell your friend no more Blue Oyster Cult. I don’t have the stamina.” “Well, I’ll tell him no more Blue Oyster Cult, but I won’t tell him why. He’ll take that as a challenge.” Gage flashed one of those smiles that sent a jolt of desire down his spine, and then he was stepping back up to the stage. He looked far more confident than the first time. His cheeks weren’t quite so pale, and his fingers weren’t shaking where he held the guitar. “This is for Christopher. Who, as far as I know, has never been to Winslow, Arizona.” With that, he began a much slower rendition of “Take It Easy.” Whenever Christopher heard the Eagles, he was automatically transported to the back seat of his grandfather’s Chevy Caprice, on his way to yet another estate sale, or on his way back to the store. He was pretty sure other songs played on the radio, but the Eagles was the only band his grandfather ever sang along with. After hearing Gage, Christopher knew that memory would forever change to a cramped straight-back chair in a tiny bar with the smell of cilantro, beer, and Old Spice filling his noise. The Old Spice was purely constructed. He’d only caught a whiff of it at the bar with Gage. His mind filled it in the rest of the way. Rev nudged him at the dedication, but Christopher ignored it. He was too busy watching Gage play to the crowd, trying to will the younger man to look in his direction more often than he already was. It was selfish. He recognized that. He didn’t care, not with that sexy, knowing voice calling to him, reaching into his gut and grabbing hold, seducing him with the simple melody and not so 40


simple intent. Christopher was the first to start clapping, before the last note had faded away, and the last to stop. When Gage finally met his gaze in those last few seconds, he couldn’t help but smile. *

*

*

By the end of the night, Gage had over two hundred dollars in his pocket and an invitation from Julio to return the next night. Gage decided not to worry about the fact that the bar might be slower on a Monday, or the fact that he wouldn’t have Christopher’s hand-picked audience in attendance. He had earned a second night, and he fully intended to make the most of it. Besides the money and the invitation, he also had a warm feeling in his chest. He had spent an hour with Christopher’s friends after the last set, fending off offers of beer while accepting their genuine compliments. The praise was more than a little intoxicating. They were the last ones out of the bar, and when they finally left, everyone but Gage, Bodie, and Christopher were walking on a bit of an angle. Gage had never seen so many drunk people at once. They fascinated him, even as Christopher herded most of them into cabs and another handful in his own car. None of them resisted, or acted surprised. Gage wondered if Christopher took on the role of designated driver wherever he went. “You sure you don’t need a ride?” Christopher asked, over the top of his car. “I’m good. I’m close enough to walk home.” Christopher didn’t look convinced. “How well do you know this neighborhood?” “Well enough. I walk around here all the time. There’s nothing 41


to worry about.” “I’ll walk him home,” Bodie volunteered. “I’m still enjoying our conversation anyway.” Something about the furrow of Christopher’s eyebrows told Gage he was going to protest. “Thanks, I appreciate that,” he said, before Christopher could speak. “I’ll be in touch,” Christopher promised before sliding into the driver’s seat. Gage watched him slam the door and turn on the engine with a twinge of regret. The evening—especially the last hour—had only been a constant reminder of how much he really liked Christopher and how he basically had no shot with the man. He tried to tell himself he didn’t really mind, but he did. Quite a bit. And in the meantime, he felt like his body was at war with itself, a battleground of hormones. He had spent a good ten minutes staring at Christopher’s hands, trying to imagine what they would feel like on his body, and then trying to will contact. Any contact. Being horny wasn’t anything new. It felt like his default state for the previous seven years of his life. Constantly surrounded by people he shouldn’t touch, until he went on his mission, and then he was surrounded by people he couldn’t touch. His last companion, Elder Banes, had been a special sort of torment. In fact, it hadn’t been unlike his current infatuation with Christopher, except that both of them had a good reason to deny any physical attraction between them. “Come on,” Gage said, turning away from Christopher’s car. “It’s this way.” Bodie fell into step beside him, the length of his stride matching Gage’s. Though they were of the same height, Bodie was more solidly built, more chest than legs, with spiky dark hair and 42


eyes to match. He wore the memories of his laughs like a roadmap on his face, his tanned skin only heightening the tiny crinkles at the corners of his eyes mouth. He’d confirmed Christopher’s subtle warning in the hour after the show. No topic was sacrosanct. Gage thought his lack of fear regarding anything probably served him well at his job. “The old man is right, you know,” Bodie said. “You need to be careful here, no matter how well you know the neighborhood.” “You call Christopher the old man?” “Sure. Most of us do. He’s the oldest thirty-one-year-old I’ve ever known.” Gage smiled at the description. It seemed apt. “He doesn’t exactly seem carefree. Maybe that’s what happens when you work with antiques all your life.” “He’s used to taking care of things. Which he’s good at, don’t get me wrong. Rev would be a mess if he wasn’t around to pick up the pieces. He just doesn’t always know when to stop. He’s…” Bodie paused, sucking air between his teeth as he seemed to search for the right word. “Cautious. Yeah. That’s what I’d call it.” “Cautious.” Gage nodded. That definitely seemed like the right word. “Normally, I’d like that in a person, but I’m tired of being cautious. I’ve been living my whole life that way.” “Really? I didn’t get that impression from you at all.” “What impression do you have of me?” Bodie flashed him a wicked grin. “You want the stage impression, the drinking with the guys impression, or the naked in my head impression?” Gage’s heart slammed against his ribs. The stage impression was safest, to keep the conversation on a friendly level. But he had the feeling Bodie didn’t want to keep things on a friendly level. If 43


he were honest with himself, he felt the same way. “How about all three?” “Oh, you’re greedy. I like that in a guy.” Bodie rubbed his hands together as if preparing for a fight. “All right. Stage impression first. You started out nervous, no getting around that. But you know your shit. And you never lost it, even when I threw Reaper at you. That shows guts. Determination. That’s not a guy who’s been living his life under his parents’ rock.” Gage felt his face warming, and was grateful for the darkness. He didn’t want Bodie to see him blushing. And he had no intention of correcting Bodie’s assumption about not living his life under a rock. Too much time had already been spent under that rock, too many years already lost. If Bodie couldn’t see it, maybe that meant Gage didn’t seem like too much of a yokel. “And your second impression?” “You need to trust your instincts more. You were more comfortable onstage than you were sitting next to Rev. Relax, have a drink or two. None of us bite unless you ask us to.” “I don’t know how to drink. Alcohol, I mean.” “Same way you drink water. Just open your mouth and swallow.” Another grin. “You’ll find that method works for a wide variety of tasks, actually.” Gage might not be the most experienced person on the planet, but he understood innuendo when he heard it. His heart beat even faster, but he took a deep breath and hoped his voice remained even. “And the third?” “You’re a moaner. And you have a great ass. Though it’s hard to see because you’re too busy on your knees for me.” Now, the tips of his ears burned. Nobody had ever been so 44


blunt with him in his life. It made his stomach twist in uncomfortable knots, but he found he didn’t mind it. In fact, he kind of liked it. Gage stopped outside his building and nodded at the door. “Here we are. Do you…want to come upstairs?” Bodie didn’t immediately answer, glancing once at the darkened doorway, then shifting back to Gage. The mocking smile had softened, and for as direct as he’d been just seconds before, he now seemed a little more introspective. “I probably shouldn’t,” he said, and Gage’s stomach started to sink. Not again. “But you’re too cute to resist, and I am a sucker for musicians who know what they’re doing.” He caught Gage’s hand and squeezed, the first physical contact he’d initiated all night. “I’ll even let you take that literally.” Gage didn’t release Bodie’s hand. He liked the way his warm, dry skin felt, liked the pressure around his fingers. Liked the solid, undeniable proof that he wasn’t alone. He unlocked the door and led Bodie up two flights of stairs, biting his lip to stop the nervous babble threatening to erupt from his throat. He had talked too much with Christopher. He wouldn’t make that mistake twice. “It’s not much,” Gage said as he opened his apartment door, “but it’s home.” Bodie let him go to walk right in, boldly circling his tiny living room before flopping down on the end of the couch. His gaze swept hungrily over Gage’s body, his erection obvious where it was trapped inside his jeans. He licked his lips once, then patted the cushion next to him. “Come on. It’s your place. Sit down and relax.” Gage hesitated just out of reach. “Do you want a drink or anything?” 45


“No, I’m good.” He patted the seat again. “I’d be better if I wasn’t on my own over here.” The all-too-familiar heated rush of guilt momentarily weighed down his limbs. And now it was mixed with something he couldn’t put his finger on, though Christopher wasn’t far from his mind. Regret? Maybe. He would have rather Christopher been there to finish what they started before. But that wasn’t going to happen, and Bodie was more than willing. Pushing his concern away, he settled on the couch beside Bodie. That close, he smelled alcohol and a hint of cigarette smoke. Bodie took his hand again, and Gage was strangely thankful for that. It calmed some of the butterflies in his chest. “I forgot something when I was giving you my impressions.” Bodie angled toward him, using his grip to carefully bend Gage’s arm behind his back. The weight of his body pressed into Gage’s side, hot and heavy, and his warmer breath fanned along Gage’s cheek. “You think too much.” His lips touched the corner of Gage’s, the tickle of his tongue tracing along the curve. His mouth was sweeter than Christopher’s had been, but harder, less yielding when he slid far enough to fully catch Gage in a kiss. Different, he told himself. Which was to be expected. It just took longer to adjust to the more assertive assault than it had taken with Christopher. Within moments, his head was spinning. He concentrated on following Bodie’s lead until he didn’t have to think about it anymore, and his body did what came naturally. And it did feel unbelievably natural to part his lips, to welcome Bodie’s tongue, to curl his fingers around Bodie’s shirt and hold him closer. His cock stiffened, pressing against his pants as Bodie’s hard kiss continued, and that felt natural, too. His heart seemed to be lodged in his 46


throat, fluttering there as rapidly as a hummingbird. “You have the hottest little mouth,” Bodie muttered against his lips. “I could not stop staring at it all night.” “I couldn’t stop staring at you, either.” A small lie, but it seemed appropriate for the situation. The declaration was rewarded with another hard kiss, and Bodie turned to press more of his body against Gage’s. Heat radiated from beneath Bodie’s shirt, and Gage felt hard muscles beneath the material. Bodie’s hand wandered down his chest, coming to a stop at his belt buckle. He wasn’t sure what he wanted. It would be easier if Bodie took over full control, but Gage remembered what had happened with Christopher all too clearly, how skittish he’d been with every new thing Christopher had done. He didn’t want to look more inexperienced than he was, and he definitely didn’t want Bodie to stop, but his hands wouldn’t obey his mental commands to get ahead of Bodie and undo his pants first. Then Bodie took the choice away from him by flicking the buckle open with an expert twist of his wrist and sliding his fingertips inside the waistband. Gage whimpered at the contact, which might not have been a very manly sound, but at least it was an honest one. Desperate for more, he unbuttoned his pants and pulled the zipper down. Bodie immediately took advantage of the extra room, his fingers folding around Gage’s cock through his underwear. His blood pressure skyrocketed and a certain warmth already gathered in his abdomen. The only thing that could distract him from the growing pleasure was to return the favor and fumble with Bodie’s pants. His attempts to reach for Bodie’s cock were hampered by the sudden shift of their bodies. Bodie used his greater weight to push 47


Gage back onto the couch, covering him from head to toe until they were both stretched along its length. A moment of panic at being overwhelmed froze Gage’s muscles. He couldn’t move without using force or asking Bodie to get off. Neither option was possible, not if he didn’t want to scare Bodie away, but it was harder to concentrate on the pleasure of the moment as he struggled to come to grips with the new sensations. Bodie didn’t seem to notice. He nipped at Gage’s lower lip, then slid down his neck to suck hard at his throat. The hand over Gage’s arousal squeezed in time with Bodie’s mouth, creating a new pulse that roared in his ears. Gage gradually relaxed beneath Bodie’s weight, focusing on all the really good things about the situation, and not the things that made him uncomfortable. The pressure on his cock was certainly one of those good things. Feeling somebody else’s fingers massage and squeeze his erection stole his breath. He found himself tilting his head back, exposing more of his throat to Bodie’s mouth. Was he going to leave a big hickey on his skin? Something about the thought sent a shiver down his spine. Bodie propped himself up on one fist, tearing his mouth away from Gage’s skin to gaze down at him. His other hand never stopped. “I have condoms in my wallet. I’d love to fuck you, but if you’re not into that, I’m open to whatever you want.” Fear flared in his chest at the thought of being fucked. Maybe someday he would experiment in that direction, but at the moment, he had no desire to go that far. He almost suggested they have oral sex, but thought the too-formal language would give him away. “I’d like it if we could…suck each other off.” As foreign as the words felt on his tongue, the burst of lust in Bodie’s eyes made up for it. “Works for me.” 48


The pressure disappeared as Bodie rolled off and knelt at the side of the couch. With one hand, he pushed up Gage’s shirt, while the other shoved at Gage’s jeans and underwear. Gage lifted his hips to help, but the garments only made it to the middle of his thighs before Bodie stopped. Now that Gage’s cock was fully exposed, Bodie didn’t seem to care about stripping him the rest of the way. He gripped it tightly near the base and held it still, bending his head to lick and bite a path straight to the damp pool of pre-come that had collected on Gage’s stomach. Gage sighed, and his muscles clenched, pulling tight and twitching each time Bodie lapped at the skin. The fingers around his shaft were the only thing that could distract him from Bodie’s mouth. His flesh throbbed harder than before, and he knew more pre-come coated his head. He felt like he was covered in the slick liquid, but not for long. Bodie followed the strings that caught on his skin back to the source, closing his lips around the tip of Gage’s cock. “Oh my gosh.” Gage gasped and pushed his hips higher, unable to process the sensations shooting through his body. He couldn’t compare it to anything else he’d experienced before. He just knew he wanted more. “Oh my gosh.” Bodie didn’t waste any time. His hot mouth slid down Gage’s shaft, his hand falling back to cup the sac. The suction was tight, tighter than anything he’d ever felt before, tight enough for his eyes to roll back in his head as he fought against the dizzying pleasure. He bucked again, out of reflex because he sure wasn’t thinking right now, but Bodie sucked back up the length, drawing it out, the cooler air hitting his heated skin to leave Gage shivering. He tried to watch as Bodie slid his mouth up and down, but his vision blurred and it was difficult to concentrate. He reached for 49


Bodie unconsciously, his fingers digging into the other man’s shoulder as his cock disappeared into that impossible heat again. Despite the cacophony in his head, he managed to have one coherent thought. Would it be this way with Christopher? But a swirl of Bodie’s tongue sent the thought flying away. Gage tried to speak. He tried to tell Bodie how good it felt, how much he wanted it. He tried to beg for more, but maybe one out of every four words actually formed and escaped his lips. Bodie took his time, with no sense of the urgency that was already making Gage’s muscles tighten and his hips thrust forward. The top of his cock scraped across the roof of Bodie’s mouth and the additional friction nearly sent him into orbit. Bodie squeezed his balls, one finger reaching behind his sac to caress the sensitive skin there. As far as Gage knew, he had never been touched there in his life. His nerve endings blazed, and the combination of all the new feelings was too much. He slammed forward mindlessly, filling Bodie’s mouth as pure bliss swept through him. Bodie was sitting back on his heels when Gage came floating back down. His mouth shone from spit and come, and quirked into a small smile. “You’re good for my ego, you know that?” He rubbed over Gage’s stomach, the side of his hand brushing across the wet tip of his softening cock. “Would it be easier for you to lay there, or do you want to switch places?” Gage tried to imagine dealing with Bodie’s weight pressing him down to the couch and decided he would rather be on his knees. “Switch places.” He rolled off while Bodie settled with his feet flat on the floor. He pushed his pants down his hips, exposing his long, thick cock. Gage’s eyes widened, and he was glad he elected not to get fucked. 50


He had seen penises besides his own over the course of his life, but this was the first time he was allowed to stare at one. This was the first time he could absorb all the details and commit them to memory. He studied Bodie for as long as he could before tentatively leaning forward and dragging the flat of his tongue over the tip. There were so many textures, he didn’t know where to concentrate. He dipped for a brief moment into the slit, while the velvety texture was made even smoother by the pre-come coating the crown. Bodie pushed Gage’s hair off his face, resting his hand on the top of Gage’s head, though mercifully, he didn’t try to push Gage down. “Go ahead,” he coaxed with a smile. “Use your hands as much as you want. You can work up to taking more.” Gage tried to remember everything Bodie had done, but the whole event was already a blur. Instead of trying to draw on that, he took Bodie’s words to heart and fisted the base. He guided the tip between his lips, sucking on it until he heard Bodie hiss. Gage moved his mouth down another inch, letting more of the shaft rest against his tongue while he moved his fist up. After a few more slow strokes, he began to feel comfortable. A few more after that, and he realized he really liked the unique, salty taste, the smooth texture, and above all else, Bodie’s moans. They never stopped. When Bodie started thrusting up to meet Gage’s mouth, they got louder, his free hand gripping the arm of the couch like he was going to fly off if he didn’t. The moans were loud enough for Gage to start worrying who might hear, and how thick the walls were, and worse, if someone was going to call the cops. His brain only stopped coming up with scenarios between thoughts of wonder that he was actually giving a guy a blow job. 51


Someone who very obviously appreciated it. Even if he could only take a few inches in his mouth before the way it hit the back of his throat made him slide up in a rush. Gage was surprised when he felt his cock getting hard again. Experimentally, he gripped himself with his other hand and stroked himself slowly. Fireworks went off between his eyes, and he knew it was because of the cock in his mouth. Gage dragged his thumb over his sensitive head and moaned. Bodie jerked his hips at the sound, pushing even more past Gage’s lips. Instead of rearing away at the additional pressure at the back of his throat, he welcomed it. He wanted more. He wanted to see just how much he could take. Bodie seemed to have no qualms obliging. The grip on Gage’s head tightened hard enough to pull his hair, but the sting against his scalp heightened everything else overloading his system. He started to push, at the same time driving up, and the friction heated Gage’s lips, spit and pre-come mingling to drip down the shaft until Gage swiped it away with his mouth on the next pass down. Once, his teeth caught at the edge of the crown, but Bodie just grunted, his rhythm unfailing. “Oh, fuck…I’m going to come.” Gage knew it was a warning he should listen to. Knew he should pull away before Bodie shot his load into his mouth. But he was too curious. He wanted to know what it felt like, what it tasted like, if he’d be able to swallow. And then the decision was taken out of his hands. Bodie’s grip tightened on the back of his head, holding him in place as his hips jerked forward. He couldn’t swallow as fast as Bodie’s cock spurted into his mouth, and come slid from the corners of his lips, dripping back down Bodie’s shaft. He did try to swallow most of 52


it, though, forcing himself to ignore the strange texture and the toowarm temperature as it moved down his throat. The hold eased, turning into a massage along his scalp, and Bodie’s moans slowly faded away. They were replaced by long, panting breaths, audible proof of what he’d actually done. “Damn…” Bodie let him go, caressing the side of his face once before his arm flopped to his side. “I think I just lost the top of my head somewhere.” “So it was okay?” “More than okay. Give me a few minutes, and we’ll have another go.” “Another go?” Gage didn’t want to seem too eager, but he was. “How long can you stay?” “Until you kick me out. Or seven. Whichever comes first.” Gage grinned and stretched to reach Bodie’s mouth. He opened to the kiss without hesitation and the caress sent a jolt directly to his cock. “Seven it is, then.”

53


CHAPTER 4 The echo of his promise to Gage came back to Christopher in the form of a desperate phone call from Rev. “Emilio called.” Christopher didn’t stop where he was entering the figures from his latest auction run into QuickBooks. He’d had dozens of these kinds of calls over the years. “And you hung up on him, right?” “Eventually.” “How long exactly is eventually?” “Too long.” “Are you two back together?” “No, no, that’s over. I’m done with him. I don’t need his crap anymore.” In all honesty, it wasn’t the answer Christopher expected to 54


hear. He almost smiled in the face of Rev’s resolve. “So why are you calling me now?” “He wants me to go out with him on Sunday.” “So? You just told me you’re done with him.” “He said he just wants to talk. He sounded sincere.” “He always sounds sincere. And then he borrows more of your money, or wrecks your car—” “That was just a scratch.” “—and you’re right back where you started. Calling me.” Rev sighed. “I told him I couldn’t go. Don’t I get credit for that?” “Only if you tell me why I need to know any of this.” “I lied and told him I couldn’t go because I had plans with you. That we were going to the beach on Sunday.” It was Christopher’s turn to sigh. “Rev, why do you do this? Sunday’s my one day off from the store.” “Which makes it a perfectly viable excuse. And we haven’t gone to the beach in ages anyway.” His tone turned wheedling. “Please? I’m going to feel guilty if we don’t actually go.” No, he was going to feel weak if they didn’t actually go, which would result in him calling Emilio back, caving on the invitation, and ending up back in the abusive relationship he’d finally broken free from. Christopher leaned back in his chair and rubbed at his eyes. He was up too late working as it was. It was probably time to call it quits and grab a late dinner. “Fine,” he said. “I’ll go.” It wasn’t until after he hung up that he remembered the last time he’d promised someone he’d go to the beach with him, but thinking about Gage was complicated to say the least. He hadn’t been thrilled when Bodie had walked him home the previous 55


Sunday, but the choice was Gage’s to make, not Christopher’s. Christopher had had his chance. No amount of soulful singing was going to change that fact. He had to live with the choice he had made, and if, in the dark hours of the night, he occasionally dreamed about a blue-eyed blond with a shy smile and a voice like sin…well, he had to live with that, too. He could still keep that promise, though. He had Gage’s number only because Gage had handed it out to several people that night at the Red Fin. Gage had scribbled it out on napkins for most people, but Christopher didn’t want a scrap of paper he’d lose. He’d handed his phone over and asked Gage to program it in. Their fingers had brushed when Gage passed the phone back, and for a moment, Christopher remembered holding that hand as they walked back to Gage’s apartment. His erection hadn’t gone away until he’d watched Gage walk away with Bodie. Then, he’d been too focused on the fear of Bodie doing something to hurt Gage. Christopher had kept Gage’s inexperience to himself. Gage needed to stand on his own. Besides, Bodie might have gone after him even harder if he found out Gage was a virgin. Was he still a virgin? Shaking his head, Christopher scrolled through his contacts until he found Gage’s name. It wasn’t any of his business what had happened between them. The phone rang five times. He wondered if he was going to be kicked to voice mail when Gage picked up. “Hello?” His voice was thin and raspy with sleep. Christopher’s gaze instantly shot to the clock on the corner of his monitor. After eleven. Shit. He’d woken Gage up. “Hi,” he said, hoping he sounded friendly and not annoying 56


like Rev sometimes did when he knew he was calling at a bad time. “It’s Christopher. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to get you out of bed.” “No, it’s fine.” His voice was still raspy, but warmer than it had been before. “I needed to get up anyway. What’s up?” He needed to get up? Christopher was afraid to ask why. “If you need to go somewhere…” “Not for a bit. I’m meeting Bodie at some little club. He said it’s blues night, and things don’t get good until after twelve.” Bodie. Somehow, he felt he should have known that, but hearing the name still made Christopher tense. It apparently also made him a masochist. “So you two are hanging out then?” “Yeah, you know, we’ve been out a couple of times this week. He’s introduced me to a few club owners.” “Oh, that’s good.” And also an odd relief. “Bodie knows a lot of people in the business. That can only mean good things for you.” “That’s what he tells me. What about you? What are you doing tonight?” The spreadsheet mocked him from the computer screen. Christopher minimized it as he said, “Finishing up some financial stuff for the store. I was about to get some dinner, except I didn’t realize how late it had gotten.” Gage chuckled. “You need to have somebody around to remind you to eat.” “That probably wouldn’t hurt. It would mean not eating alone, too, which would be a bonus.” “I’m sure you wouldn’t have to eat alone if you didn’t want to. I bet there are plenty of guys you could call.” “Not many I’d want to spend that much time with, though.” 57


The irony that he’d be more than happy if Gage filled that role, and that he’d called him as well, didn’t escape him. “Listen, I won’t keep you long. You need to get ready to meet whoever Bodie has lined up for you. But I wanted to see if you’d still be interested in getting that beach tour you wanted.” “Well, Bodie…actually, yeah, that would be great.” Gage switched gears so smoothly that Christopher might not have noticed if he wasn’t already hyperaware of Bodie’s name. “When were you thinking?” “Sunday. I’m bailing Rev out of a situation with his ex, but I was hoping you’d come down and keep me company. It’s going to be casual,” he rushed to add, unsure if he sounded as pathetic as he felt. “Some volleyball, some swimming, maybe some surfing if the waves are any good. Then barbecue back at my place.” “I can’t make it to the barbecue. Julio’s got me lined up for the next two Sundays. But why don’t you guys all come over for a few drinks afterward?” “Sure, we could do that.” Disappointment washed over him, more bitter than he would have imagined. “You know, if Sunday is bad for you, it’s okay to say no. I’ve been dealing with Rev for years. It’s not going to kill me to spend the day with him on my own.” “Sunday isn’t bad for me at all,” Gage quickly protested. “It’s great for me. A trip to the beach with you, and Sunday will be my new favorite day.” The fresh enthusiasm helped alleviate his earlier reaction. Hearing Bodie’s name so much had screwed with his head. This was Gage, after all. He was looking for friends. Christopher shouldn’t begrudge the fact that he’d found one, especially one who could help his career in ways Christopher could not. 58


“If you’re going to have a permanent Sunday night show, it’ll turn out to be my favorite day, too. Why don’t I swing by and pick you up around ten? That’ll give us a good part of the day, and then I’ll take you back to the Red Fin so I can watch your set again.” “Ten sounds great. Oh. Bodie’s here early. I have to go.” His mood swung back around to irritable again. Bodie. Of course. He kept his voice even, though. Gage had enough going on not to have to worry that the few friends he had might not get along. “If anything changes, just call me. You still have my number, right?” “You called me,” Gage said, sounding more than a little amused. “Now I’ve got your number in my memory.” Jesus. The way he was acting, it would be a wonder if Gage didn’t cancel. Who wanted to hang out with such an idiot? “I think that lack of food is finally getting to me,” he said, trying to joke it off. Then, because he had to prove to himself he had to be an adult about this, “Tell Bodie I say hi.” “Will do. Go get yourself something to eat.” He murmured…something, and hung up. He had three days to get his shit together about Bodie and whatever was going on between him and Gage. Three days to remember Gage was a grown man, albeit a young one, who could have whatever friends he wanted. Three days to reinforce how glad he was they could move past the awkwardness of that night at Power and actually be friends. Gage seemed more than willing to forget. That was more than he’d ever expected. Three days. He sincerely hoped Gage didn’t find a reason to cancel. 59


*

*

*

Sunday morning dawned bright and clear, skies like watercolors stretching as far as he could see. The hue would deepen as the day progressed, but Christopher loved the early hours when pinks and yellow streaked across the horizon, and blues bled from barely there, to robin egg, to the deep azure that would follow them throughout the day. His apartment at the back of the store had a tiny patio that opened to the south. When he’d been growing up, Grandpa Julius had always taken his meals out there, reading over his newspaper or poring through auction catalogs as he ate. Christopher did his best to have breakfast on the patio, at the very least. He was often too busy to get out there at other times of the day, but mornings, before the store had to open and any of the auctions or estate sales could start, he sat in the same antique bench his grandfather had, a cast iron Timmes that had been one of the first purchases he’d ever made, drank his coffee, and ruminated on the upcoming events of the day. Sunday morning, all of his thoughts were on Gage. He hadn’t called back to cancel, which was a good sign. However, when Christopher had discreetly mentioned to Rev that he’d invited Gage along, he’d been dismayed to hear that the time spent with Bodie wasn’t quite as casual as he’d thought. And that there was more of it. Christopher wished he could warn Gage off, but he’d never been one of those guys who interfered without thought to the havoc he’d wreak. He had to trust Gage was satisfied with how things were, at least until he said otherwise. Then, he’d be there for him. Just like he was for Rev. That was what friends were for. 60


At ten o’clock on the nose, he was standing outside Gage’s door. Memories of the last time he stood there came racing back with unbelievable clarity. Every touch, every kiss, and every intention he had. He counted to thirty, willing himself to calm down before knocking on the door. Which opened to reveal Bodie rather than Gage. “Hey, there you are. I hope you brought your volleyball, because I have been preparing all morning for our rematch.” “No, he hasn’t,” Gage said, emerging from the bathroom. “Come on in.” Christopher edged around Bodie to hover inside the door. His gaze was torn between the two men—Bodie because, in spite of everything, Christopher hadn’t expected to find him in Gage’s apartment, Gage because he’d entered the room without his shirt. It dangled from his hand, ready for him to pull over his head, and left the hard chest exposed. Lightly tanned from time spent in the sun. Small, coppery nipples peaked from having just stepped out of the shower. A thin trail of blond hair traveling down his flat stomach to disappear into his shorts. Without his shirt on, he looked older somehow. Even more accessible. Christopher wrenched his eyes upward, only to grind to a halt on the very large hickey on Gage’s neck. Any hope he might have held that Bodie had kept his hands to himself evaporated. “If you’re ready, we need to get going,” he said, proud that he managed to sound civil. “I need to swing by and pick up Rev.” Gage quickly pulled on his T-shirt and scooped a backpack off the floor. “I’m ready to hit the road. I think I have everything I’ll need.” Bodie nodded as well. “Let’s get out of here.” 61


“So what’s the situation with Rev?” Gage asked as they descended the stairs to the street. “Bodie tried to explain but I wasn’t really paying attention.” Bodie laughed. “Yeah, that’s one way of describing it.” Ignoring the way the two other men walked so closely to each other, Christopher said, “Rev has a tendency to fall for users. He finally got the nerve to leave this last one—” “He found Emilio with these two twinks from the valley,” Bodie said. “But he called again, and Rev was afraid that if he didn’t have something real to keep him busy, he’d cave and go see him.” Christopher reached the front door of the building first and held the door open for the others. “So we’re keeping him strong today.” Bodie pulled out his sunglasses once they were in the brilliant sunshine. “Today. How much do you want to bet the first time he can’t reach you, he’s calling Emilio?” “He won’t.” He wasn’t entirely sure he believed that, though. “Of course he won’t,” Gage said with a friendly slap of Christopher’s shoulder. “He’s got you looking out for him, right?” He knew Gage meant well, and he somehow mustered the grateful smile the comment required, but the reality stung, if only a little. He was accustomed to being the reliable one. In their crowd, somebody had to be. More than one of them would have ended up in jail or dead, and since nobody else stepped up to the plate, he took care of it. He even liked it most of the time. It was good to know his friends were safe, and that he didn’t have to worry about them doing something insanely stupid. Hadn’t he offered his friendship to Gage for much of the same reason? It wasn’t Gage’s fault he saw Christopher for exactly what he was now. Bodie had most likely done his share in contributing 62


to it, too. Gage slid into the front seat without argument from Bodie, and Christopher pulled into traffic. He had to watch Bodie in the rearview mirror, but it was a small price to pay to have Gage close at hand. Even if he couldn’t touch him. “Are you serious about that rematch?” Christopher asked when they came to a stop at a red light. “I am. I’m so serious, in fact, that I’ll even take the handicap.” “What’s the handicap?” Gage asked. “Rev.” Christopher snorted. “You don’t stand a chance with Rev on your side.” “No, I’ve already worked it out. That means you’re paired up with Gage, and you know how many times he’s played beach volleyball?” “Zero,” Gage provided. He couldn’t resist a sideways glance at Gage. The prospect of having Gage on his side sent a rush of heat straight to his groin, but that could prove to be a negative as well. It would distract him from playing even more. “You’ve played volleyball before, though, right?” “In junior high. But I wasn’t too bad compared to the other twelve-year-olds.” He caught Bodie’s gaze in the mirror. “If I agree, you have to promise not to let Rev wander off with anyone. He has to play the whole game, or it won’t count.” “It’d be easier for me if he did,” Bodie mumbled. “But fine, we’ll do it your way. Everybody stays on the court for the duration.” “Yes, he’s really that bad,” Christopher said, answering Gage’s 63


unspoken question. To Bodie, “You’re on.” “Care to make it interesting or do you just want to play for glory?” “Since I already have the glory from trouncing you the last time, I’m okay with making it interesting if you want.” “If I win, I get to drive the Bentley.” Christopher snorted. “And if I win?” “Name it,” Bodie said. “Anything I have.” He tightened his grip on the wheel to keep from indulging the urge to glance across to Gage. The hickey branded Gage as Bodie’s, at least for this week, but it didn’t matter if Bodie was the kind of guy to share his latest partner anyway. Christopher wouldn’t treat Gage like a piece of meat to be bartered, no matter how tempting he was. They were supposed to be platonic friends now, anyway. “I want your free time,” he said. “If I win, you spend next Sunday helping me clear out and rearrange my storage lockers.” “It’s amazing to me how you manage to make everything so boring. But you’re on. Next Sunday is yours if you win.” He hid his pleased smile. Free help was always good, but the prospect of exhausting Bodie so he couldn’t go see Gage’s show that night was even better. Rev waited for them on the corner by his apartment building, leaving it simple to pull up to the curb and let him climb in next to Bodie. When he heard about the volleyball match, however, he grimaced. “I thought today was supposed to be fun,” he complained. “It will be fun,” Christopher said. “Once Bodie has learned his place, once and for all.” Rev leaned forward between the seats. “You don’t go for all 64


this machismo bullshit, do you, Gage?” “I guess I like a little competition as much as the next guy.” “Yeah, but this isn’t a little competition for these two.” He turned his head to address Christopher. “I really don’t get it. Why can’t we do something fun to prove how much of a man you are?” “Don’t look at me. Bodie was the one who called the challenge. I was perfectly fine resting on my laurels.” “Oh, so it’s Bodie who’s suddenly decided he needs to assert his dominance, huh?” Rev sat back. “What or who brought that on? Wait, don’t tell me. I can probably guess.” Christopher’s cheeks flamed. He wanted to tell himself this wasn’t about Gage, but even he recognized he’d be lying. The question was, did Gage realize what was going on? He held his tongue as Bodie bragged about finally getting his hands on the Bentley, pulling into the parking lot with more than a little relief. The volleyball game had been an annoyance at first, but now, the prospect of getting onto the sand was enough for him to find a spot as quickly as he could and get out of the car. Rev would shut up about it, once he started sweating. Bodie and Gage fell a few feet behind Christopher as they walked toward the shore, and it was all he could do not to stop and wait for them to catch up. He didn’t look over his shoulder, though. He didn’t want to see Gage smiling at Bodie. He didn’t want see the two of them holding hands or acting like more than just passing acquaintances. Rev easily kept up with him, chattering about something Christopher didn’t have the patience to listen to. The beach was already crowded with people enjoying the beautiful Sunday. Everybody was split pretty evenly between sunbathing and swimming, and none of the volleyball nets were in use. 65


“What do you think?” Christopher heard Bodie ask. “It’s…much bigger than I expected.” “We could pass on the volleyball and just explore with Gage for a while,” Rev said. Christopher rolled his eyes. “Nice try.” He shifted the duffle bag on his shoulder and nodded toward the nearest net. “Let’s get the game out of the way so I can get back to enjoying my day off.” Christopher chose to play with his back to the water, hoping that would cause less of a distraction for Gage. Unfortunately, he hadn’t counted on Gage pulling his shirt over his head and dropping it in his bag. In the bright sunlight, he was perfect. Not a single mark or scar on his fit body. He might not have played volleyball before, but he was clearly athletic. Christopher’s gaze traveled down his body, following the blond trail of hair that disappeared beneath his shorts. Christopher itched to touch him. Bodie had probably already licked every inch of Gage’s chest—the thought was completely unwelcome but once it lodged in his brain, he couldn’t shake it. The sand was warm enough feel good on the soles of his feet, but the overhead sun already started to sear the back of his neck. He’d slathered on sunscreen before leaving the house, but to distract himself from his wayward thoughts, he squirted one last dollop onto his palm and smeared it along his arms. “C’mon, old man,” Bodie taunted. “Stop stalling.” “You’ll remember this when you’re a lobster tonight and scream like a girl every time you move.” “I’m not worried. I already have somebody in mind to rub aloe lotion on my back.” “Guitar players always have the best hands.” Rev winked at Gage. “And how do we know Gage isn’t going to throw the game 66


just so he can help Bodie out?” “Because Gage isn’t an asshole.” Picking up the ball, Christopher tossed it over the net. “Losers serve first.” Bodie stepped back to serve, but Christopher wasn’t paying attention to that. Gage stood closest to the net, bent at the waist, his hands resting on his knees while he waited for the ball to arrive. His shorts were pulled tight over his ass, and even the back of his calves were strangely attractive. He glanced up in time to see Rev watching him through the net with a knowing smile. “Zero to zero,” Bodie announced before throwing the ball straight up. He jumped high to meet it and put all his strength behind the hit. For all Christopher’s talk, Bodie wasn’t actually a bad player. He believed in a power game, which, with Rev on his side, was a good strategy for this match. When it was clear he’d aimed for Gage, Christopher hung back. He needed to see how Gage handled the return before taking control. His hit was solid but off-center, sending it careening back over the net at an angle straight for Bodie. Bodie cut in front of Rev to smash it back, but this time, neither Gage nor Christopher were swift enough to stop it from slamming into the sand. Christopher scooped up the ball and tossed it back. “That was your freebie, Bodie.” Bodie laughed good-naturedly as he caught the ball and stepped back to serve. “One serving zero.” This time, Bodie used a bit of finesse on his serve, aiming right for Gage. It made perfect sense. Gage was the weakness, and Bodie clearly wanted to win this match. Christopher felt vaguely annoyed by the choice all the same. Didn’t he care at all about potentially embarrassing Gage by exploiting his inexperience? 67


He managed to catch the ball on the side of his arm, angling it away from the net. Christopher reacted without thought, years of experience guiding his body as he jumped into the air and slammed the ball with the heel of his hand, saving the play. Rev let it fall at his feet. “And that’s why Rev is the handicap,” Christopher said with a smile. “Are you even going to try?” Bodie complained. Rev picked up the ball and handed it beneath the net to Christopher. “Was I even asked if I wanted to play?” Christopher caught Gage’s eye as he headed back to serve. “We’re not normally this bitchy.” “Yes, we are,” Bodie called out. “You are. I’m not.” “The day’s still young,” Rev said, stepping back into his spot. “One serving one.” Bodie had moved up, anticipating Christopher serving it in Rev’s direction. But it wouldn’t be any fun to beat Bodie if he did it by exploiting the handicap. He leapt up to meet the ball, slightly adjusting the angle of his wrist to send the ball soaring over Bodie’s head. Except, Bodie was fast enough to dive beneath it, sending the ball back over the net. Gage wasn’t caught off-guard, and he bumped the ball straight up in the air, giving Christopher the perfect opportunity to drive the ball into the sand between Bodie and Rev. “All right!” Gage shouted. His excitement was contagious. Christopher had his hand up for a high-five without even thinking about it, the slap of palm to palm reverberating down his arm. He smiled even wider when their eyes met. Gage’s glittered, his joy eclipsing everything else, 68


from the brilliant morning sun to the stupid bet Bodie had wanted. Here, they were teammates, partners against the rest. Christopher made a silent vow not to let him down. The next few points bounced back and forth. Christopher lost control when Rev took all of them by surprise and sent one skimming over to drop straight in front of the net. Bodie tied it up with more slams to Gage, but Gage was quickly catching on, his natural athleticism blossoming under the pressure. He even managed to score a point of his own, when Bodie tripped over Rev’s foot and missed a return. The more Gage moved, though, the more distracted Christopher got. Sweat gleamed across his back, and the muscles shone with each stretch of his arms. His hair darkened as perspiration soaked it, while the occasional bead rolling from his pit down his side made Christopher’s throat go dry. When he missed an easy slam because he’d spent a fraction of a second too long staring at Gage’s ass, he called a quick time-out to grab their water bottles. “You’re not too bad,” Gage said, before he tilted his head back and poured water on his face. It mingled with his sweat and rolled down his taut skin in fat drops. “Bodie made it sound like you just got lucky last time.” Christopher took a long swallow, but it did little to alleviate the tightness of his throat, and absolutely nothing to eradicate the image burned on his brain. “Don’t believe everything Bodie tells you. Sometimes, words just come out of his mouth because he likes the way people react to them.” “You know, I’m a little torn here. On the one hand, I’d love to win. On the other hand, a part of me wants you to lose.” He frowned. “Why do you want me to lose?” 69


“Bodie told me we’d go for a ride in the Bentley. I wouldn’t mind cruising around LA in a classic car.” “I don’t need to lose for that to happen. I’ll drive you around whenever you want. Hell, if we win, I’ll even let you drive the Bentley to your gig tonight.” A sudden thought brought a bright smile to his face. “The look on Bodie’s face would be priceless.” Gage smiled. “Well, if you’re going to let me drive it, I say we kick his ass.” With brighter spirits, Christopher capped his bottle and returned to the court, ignoring the pointed glances Rev kept shooting his way. They got control of the ball back in one play, and two more points quickly followed. Christopher could concentrate on the game if he focused on the growing irritation in Bodie’s face instead of the way Gage’s ass flexed in his shorts, though enough of those moments still occurred to give Bodie the ball back. But Gage seemed to understand the way Christopher was going to move before he ever tensed a muscle. It wasn’t any time at all before their tempo flowed seamlessly from one play to the next. They won the first set, and Christopher couldn’t stop his grin as they slipped under the net to switch sides. Their teamwork solidified in the second set, until it felt like they had been playing together for months. He could anticipate Gage’s plays, could anticipate the way his body moved. He wondered if that would be the case in every situation, and no matter how hard he tried, Christopher couldn’t let go of that question. It felt like the answer was yes. It felt like it was instinctive. With the score tied at eleven, Bodie delivered a serve straight down the middle, aimed for the back line. Gage dove for it, his body fully extended, his face set with determination. He bumped 70


the ball off the back of his thumb, saving it from the ground with enough height for Christopher to get under it. He popped it up in the air and grinned as Gage jumped to his feet to knock it over the net. But the grin faded when Christopher saw the blood flowing down Gage’s arm. “Time!” He didn’t wait to see where the ball had landed, or if Bodie was going to return it. He went straight to Gage’s side and caught his wrist, extending his arm carefully to see what damage had been done. It was more than an abrasion. Sand was dangerous enough on its own if you went over it with the right amount of force at the right angle. But there was more than droplets of blood in the grazed skin. A long gash bled freely. Gage must have scraped across something buried beneath the surface. Rev appeared at his side with a bottle of water. Wordlessly, he upended it over Gage’s arm, washing away the worst of the grit. “Shit, that hurts,” Gage muttered as the sand and blood flowed down his arm. More blood welled up as soon as Christopher could wash it away, thick and unbelievably bright in the midday sun. “Does it look deep?” “It’s hard to tell with all the blood,” Rev said. Christopher cut Rev a hard look. “We’re going to need bandages, at the very least.” Letting go of Gage’s arm, he grabbed the hem of his own T-shirt and pulled it over his head, folding it lengthwise to wind it around the worst of the injury. “Game’s over.” “But we can’t end it now,” Gage protested. “We don’t have a winner yet. Come on, just use the shirt, I can finish this set at least.” 71


“You’re more important than the game,” Rev said. “I agree with Christopher.” “You would.” Bodie appeared at his other side, tilting his head to see how bad the cut really was. “Why don’t we just call it halftime? See if it stops bleeding on its own.” “He needs it bandaged,” Christopher said, his voice harder. “We’re done.” “You lose, then.” Rev capped the empty bottle. “You have stuff back at your place, don’t you? Take him there. It’s only a couple blocks away, you’ll know if he can play any more soon enough.” “That sounds fair,” Gage said. “We can pick up the game again when we get back. I’m not forfeiting.” Rev grinned. “And if it’s too bad, Christopher and Bodie can just duke it out on their own. I’m sure they won’t mind.” The next time he got Rev alone, Christopher was going to have more than a few words for him. For now, though, he waited until Gage caught the edge of the shirt to hold it in place before letting him go. “Come on. It’s not that far.”

72


CHAPTER 5 It hurt like a sonofabitch, but Gage wasn’t about to say so. Especially not in front of Bodie. He kept his arm bent at the elbow, his attention split between the pain and keeping blood from dripping all over the place. He was sure once he got it bandaged and took some aspirin, he’d feel better. He didn’t want to be the reason Christopher lost the bet, even if he felt like his loyalty should probably lie with Bodie. “I’m really sorry,” Gage said, once they were in Christopher’s car. “Don’t apologize. These things happen.” He hadn’t bothered with finding another shirt, and the muscles in his arms flexed as he backed out of the parking spot. “I just hope it doesn’t get in the way of you playing tonight. I was really looking forward to that.” 73


Gage experimentally opened and closed his fingers. “I should be okay by tonight. I’m going to apologize in advance for getting blood all over your car.” “I’m not going to tell you again. Don’t apologize.” Christopher not only sounded serious, he looked serious. His face was set in a heavy frown that Gage didn’t recognize, and his grip was tight on the wheel. “Okay, okay, I won’t do it again. So, this isn’t going to throw you off your game, is it? You were pretty good.” “It’s just a game. If Bodie ends up winning, I’ll get him next time.” “It felt like it was more than just a game.” “That was before you got hurt.” “I think it’s probably just a flesh wound.” Gage adjusted the Tshirt, feeling more than a little awkward. He couldn’t put his finger on why, though. Christopher was clearly worried about him, and clearly not upset about postponing the game, but something was still a bit off. “We’ll know soon enough.” He had turned the corner, but within two blocks, he turned again, pulling into a narrow alley that led behind a row of shops. It opened up into a small lot, and he angled into the first available space. “Hang on, don’t get out yet.” Christopher yanked his keys out of the ignition and got out, jogging around the front of the car to Gage’s door. He opened and held it wide. “Keep the pressure on your arm. I’ll get all the doors.” “You weren’t kidding when said you lived near the beach,” Gage commented as he followed. Christopher took him through the side entrance that opened directly to his apartment. “Wow. This 74


place is…really nice.” He had known Christopher lived behind his store, but he’d expected a cramped closet of a space, shoehorned around storage. The room they walked into was open plan, with larger pieces of furniture acting as room dividers. Nothing was new. Bookcases filled with vintage photos and books acted as walls to separate a living room, while a wooden screen with carved fretwork in each of the four panels set the bedroom apart. Christopher went straight to one of the few doors and hesitated. “Bathroom’s through here. We should wash that off before we do anything else.” “Right.” The bathroom wasn’t as roomy as the rest of the apartment. Once they both stood at the sink, it felt even smaller. Their chests practically touched for one long, awkward moment before Christopher turned on the water and reached for a small towel. Gage’s attention was drawn to the line of his neck, and he couldn’t stop staring while Christopher’s head was down. Christopher didn’t speak. All of his attention seemed to be on his tasks, testing the water temperature, adjusting the tap when it didn’t meet his unknown criteria, wetting the towel when he finally got it right. When he had it ready, he straightened and caught Gage’s wrist, guiding his arm over the sink before slowly peeling the bloody shirt away. Fat droplets oozed out of the cut, but to Gage’s eyes, they looked a lot slower than they had a few minutes earlier. Christopher wiped away the smears farthest from the wound first, gradually working closer in long, gentle sweeps. He had to switch to different sections of the towel as he went on, but not once did he let go of Gage’s wrist. 75


The closer he got to the wound, the more it stung. Gage steeled himself, ducking his head to hide his grimace. But when he reached the center of the cut Gage flinched away and hissed. Christopher tightened his hold slightly and pulled him back. Their lower halves met, and their shorts seemed impossibly thin. Almost like they weren’t wearing anything at all. “I guess that’s a bit tender,” Gage muttered. “I should take you to the hospital.” “No, look. The bleeding has almost stopped.” “What if you need a tetanus shot?” Christopher shook his head. “I didn’t even look to see what cut you.” “It was probably a bit of broken shell or something. I’m fine, really.” Christopher tossed the towel into the sink. “That would make sense. And I think you’re right about the bleeding.” His long fingers probed tenderly along the jagged, broken skin. “I suppose you’re going to start calling me an old man, too, now.” “Why would I do that?” “For dragging you out of the game because of a piece of shell.” He straightened, though his grip remained, his thumb brushing across Gage’s pulse. “And because I still wish you’d let me take you to the hospital. Just to be safe.” “We promised Bodie and Rev we would be right back.” He forced himself not to look at Christopher’s fingers, but he was intensely aware of them. “Do you have any gauze bandages?” He nodded. “I’ll put some butterflies on it first. That should help keep it from bleeding again if you insist on playing when we get back.” But he didn’t let Gage go. He didn’t even move. His gaze seemed trapped by the join of his hand to Gage’s arm. Gage’s cheeks flushed, and the bathroom was suddenly far too 76


warm as well as small. A voice in the back of his head told him to pull away. Friends didn’t stand like that, pressed so close together, holding each other. “Oh, I didn’t know you had butterflies.” Maybe not the stupidest sentence Gage ever uttered in his life, but pretty close. “I keep them under the kitchen sink.” Christopher grimaced, and finally let him go, taking a step back and running a hand through his hair. “Jesus, I always sound like an idiot around you.” “No, you don’t. “ Gage rubbed his wrist absently, but he still felt the weight of Christopher’s fingers. “Not at all.” Christopher stilled, his vivid gaze fixing on Gage. After several seconds, he took a deep breath and asked, “Are you and Bodie dating?” “Yes. I mean, we’ve been out on a few dates and spent a couple of nights together.” Gage didn’t know why, but he felt more than a little guilty at the confession. “It’s just…the two of us having fun.” “And he’s treating you all right?” Gage wasn’t sure why Christopher thought Bodie wouldn’t, but he nodded. “Yeah, he is. Are you…does it bother you?” “No, no, of course not.” To Gage’s ears, though, the answer seemed to come a little too swiftly. “I just…I find myself thinking about you, that’s all.” “Thinking about me how?” “Wondering how you’re doing. How you’re settling in. It’s not easy, what you’ve done.” “Maybe not, but I’ve been doing great since I met you. I have a steady gig, I have friends, I have a…well, Bodie. And now I’ve been to the beach.” Mention of the beach sent Christopher’s gaze downward again. “I hope it was worth it.” 77


“Please tell me that you’re not blaming yourself for this.” “Okay, I won’t tell you that.” He retreated another step and ended up on the threshold. “Come on, let’s get the butterflies.” Gage reached out without thinking and took Christopher by the elbow. “Seriously, don’t beat yourself up over this. It’s not like you buried a broken shell in the sand.” The muscles were hard beneath his hand, but Christopher didn’t pull away. “I know. I don’t like seeing people I care about get hurt.” “I guess that’s understandable,” Gage said, releasing him. When had he become somebody Christopher cared about? What did that mean exactly? He followed Christopher into the bathroom, so distracted by that question he didn’t even feel the pain in his arm. Not until he bent his elbow and the skin pulled tight on his forearm. Gage grimaced, but fortunately, Christopher was hunched down, rummaging under the sink for the butterfly bandages. “How long have you known Bodie?” Gage asked when the silence became too much for him. “Um…I guess it’s been about four years now. Ever since Rev picked him up the first time.” He emerged with a white first aid kit and set it on the counter. “He doesn’t like me very much.” “Really? I thought you two were friends?” “Well, we are. Kind of.” He rummaged around in the box and pulled out a box of bandages. “We don’t ever spend time together, just the two of us. Somebody else is always there. I don’t know. It’s hard to explain.” “Would you have rather I not invited him today?” Gage asked, sounding more casual than he felt. Christopher turned Gage’s arm to expose the long cut, opening 78


the first butterfly bandage. “Not if it means you wouldn’t have come at all.” Carefully, he pulled the edges closer, sealing it with the bandage. “It’s all right. I’m used to him being around. I’m just not used to seeing him with you.” Gage watched as he applied a second and third bandage. He could tell Christopher did have a problem with the fact that he was seeing Bodie, but he wasn’t sure why. Was it just because he didn’t like the other man? Or was there more to it? “We’re not serious or anything.” A fourth went on without a word. Christopher didn’t reach for a fifth. His fingers lifted instead to Gage’s neck, touching the spot that still sported the hickey. “Just fun?” he murmured. Gage swallowed, a part of him hoping Christopher wouldn’t pull away. “Yeah. Just…fun, you know.” The contact would’ve been ticklish under any other circumstances. Christopher seemed hypnotized by the mark, his nostrils flaring. “If he hurts you, he’ll regret it.” “He’s not going to hurt me.” Gage smiled, trying to lighten the air. “You sound like a protective older brother.” Christopher jerked away at the description, his head snapping up. After a beat, he smiled, though it seemed forced. “I guess older brother is better than old man. That’s progress for me.” Gage forced himself to look away and study his arm. “Looks like this is going to be good as new in no time. Maybe you missed your calling as a doctor.” “Are you still going to play? Rev wouldn’t mind dropping out, so it’s just one on one, you know.” “I’m playing. We’re a team now.” Christopher scooped up the empty wrappers and tossed them 79


into a bin in a low, narrow cupboard. “You’re very stubborn, you know that? Rev would be milking this for all it’s worth.” “Oh, I’m sure he would be. Anything that’d make him the center of attention.” Gage wrinkled his nose. “That sounded bitchy, didn’t it? I didn’t mean it like that.” For the first time since Gage got hurt, Christopher chuckled. “No, it’s okay, I know what you meant. Rev’s just more high maintenance than a lot of guys. Definitely more high maintenance than you’d ever be.” “What’s the story with you two? Were you always just friends?” “Yes, believe it or not.” He reached overhead to open another cupboard, this time extracting a glass. After crossing to the refrigerator, he filled the glass with crushed ice, then water. “We lived in the same apartment building. He hit on me once, but he’s never been my type.” Gage was honestly a little surprised by that. If only because it seemed like Christopher didn’t have any relationships that weren’t just friendships. Which made zero sense, because anybody with eyes would want him. “What is your type?” Christopher returned and offered the water, as well as a couple pills Gage didn’t remember seeing him get out. “Physically or otherwise?” “What does that mean? The guys you want to date are different from the guys you want to fuck?” “Most of the time, unfortunately.” “Then what are your types?” He waited until Gage had taken the glass, leaning against the edge of the counter once he no longer held it. “I like self-sufficient 80


guys, actually. Someone who knows what he’s doing, who isn’t afraid of a little hard work to get what he wants. I don’t like users. I think if you’re seeing someone, it’s because you both have something to give to it, not one giving and the other taking. It’s why I have a hard time with casual hook-ups a lot of the time. And probably why Bodie gets under my skin as much as he does.” To Gage, it sounded like what Christopher wanted was a serious relationship. He felt a pang of disappointment at that. Not because he had any reason to believe Christopher wanted any sort of relationship with him, but because it confirmed Gage wasn’t right for him. Gage definitely wasn’t looking to settle down right away—he was only beginning to really enjoy his freedom. “You’re very…serious minded, aren’t you?” “You make that sound as bad as a root canal.” “It makes me wonder when you ever have any fun.” “Why? I’ve had fun today. Well, before you got hurt. And your opening night was the highlight of my week.” Gage snorted. “That’s not the kind of fun I meant.” “What kind of fun are you talking about, then?” He almost answered before realizing he didn’t want to know about Christopher’s sex life. Not really. “Never mind.” “No, not never mind.” The tension had returned in Christopher’s jaw, though now he looked annoyed more than anything else. “Look, I realize there’s a reason I’m the designated driver, and Rev’s go to man, and whatever else Bodie has decided to call me. But just because I refuse to flake out on the people who matter to me, does not mean I don’t know how to have a good time. I was at Power, wasn’t I? And we had fun, don’t you dare try to deny it.” “You were at Power to babysit Rev. And, yeah, we had a lot of 81


fun. Until you latched onto the first crap excuse you could find and ran the other direction.” His teeth audibly clicked. “It wasn’t a crap excuse.” “Fine, I believe you. You want to know the kind of fun I meant? I mean, do you ever get laid? Do you ever go out on a date that doesn’t involve babysitting?” Posing the question didn’t actually relax Christopher. If anything, his eyes flashed even more. “Yes, and yes.” “Well…good.” Gage’s irritation deflated and he smiled sheepishly. “I’m sorry. That was…I was out of line. It’s none of my business.” Christopher didn’t move. “Is that really what you think of me? That my life is so pathetic, I don’t ever get out except to bail someone out?” “No, no. That isn’t what I meant. I was just…being stupid. Sometimes I get stupid.” Condensation dripped down the side of the glass, chilling Gage’s fingers, but he couldn’t bring himself to take the painkillers while Christopher looked at him like that. The stasis didn’t break even when Christopher shook his head and turned away. “I need to get a clean shirt,” he said, heading for the screened corner that served as a bedroom. “Oh…damnit.” Gage abandoned the pills and water on the counter and hurried to catch up with Christopher. He had no idea what he wanted to say, but he knew he needed to say something. He sidled around Christopher and blocked his path. “Listen, I’m sorry. That’s not what I think of you. That’s not what I think of you at all.” Something flashed behind Christopher’s eyes, something haunted and hurt, before his handsome features evened out, 82


masking it away. “I told you to stop apologizing. Especially for this. You have a right to an opinion. Besides, it’s not like you’ve got a lot of evidence to base one on, and what you do have, fits. Even I have to admit that.” “Well, you’re right about one thing. I don’t have a lot of evidence to base any opinion on. Except that you’re pretty much the nicest guy I ever met, and I should be thanking you for everything you’ve done for me.” And I want you and it’s killing me that I can’t do anything about it. “I haven’t done anything,” Christopher was saying before Gage had even finished speaking. “All I want is—” He stopped, took a breath, and started again. “Never mind. I shouldn’t have overreacted like that. It just gets old after a while, and you don’t deserve that.” “You have done something.” Gage took a step closer. “All you want is what? Tell me.” It felt like an eternity before Christopher answered, maybe because Gage wanted to hear it so badly. From the way Christopher’s gaze slid past him, like he was looking for a way out of the corner Gage had pushed him into, he thought he wasn’t going to get one at all. “It would be nice to hang out without any of the other baggage.” The muscles in his throat worked as he swallowed. “I want your opinion of me to be based on me, and not what Bodie says, or what happens with Rev, or…” He grimaced. “Or awkward exits I really wish I could get a do-over on.” Bodie didn’t talk about Christopher when they were together. They didn’t talk about anything most of the time—either they were in a noisy club or their mouths were otherwise occupied. And Gage didn’t have anything to say about Christopher’s relationship with 83


Rev. But that awkward exit, that was still hanging between them. Gage hoped he would understand one day, but he could barely stand to think about that night without a sharp sting. Gage wanted to get over the pain of that rejection. He wanted to say he understood it. But he didn’t. And a part of him was convinced that until he did understand that night, he really wouldn’t know Christopher at all. “I’m playing at the Red Fin tomorrow night, too. We’ll go out to dinner afterward, just you and me. No baggage, just two friends having a burger.” His offer soothed at least some of the lines from Christopher’s forehead. “I like that.” A smile slowly bloomed. “Especially since that means I get to hear you play two nights in a row.” “You can hear me play any time you want.” Gage glanced up at the clock on the wall. “Except now because we’ve already been gone for over a half hour. Maybe we should get back before they send a search party.” “Something tells me Rev wouldn’t mind at all.” Christopher went around Gage to continue on into his bedroom area. “I’ll get dressed while you pop those painkillers.” “Yes, sir.” For a moment, he considered following Christopher into the bedroom. But no matter how he looked at the scenario, it didn’t end well. Invading his space, opening his stupid mouth again, maybe even getting close enough to touch Christopher in a nonfriendly sort of way wasn’t a good idea. Even if he did want to catch one last glimpse of Christopher’s bare torso. He suspected he would be seeing Christopher’s tightly defined muscles and smooth skin every time he closed his eyes. Like Christopher didn’t already feature too prominently in his thoughts and dreams. 84


CHAPTER 6 Christopher had to tell himself three different times as he was getting ready to go out that this wasn’t a date. This was a burger with a friend. This wasn’t dinner with someone he wanted to strip naked, shove into the wall, and fuck until they both screamed for mercy. Except…it kind of was. He closed the store an hour early to give himself enough time to get to the Red Fin on time for Gage’s set. Jeans and a pullover seemed casual enough, but after too much debate, he decided to leave the Bentley in storage and take his own car. He might have promised Gage a ride in it, but this wasn’t the time or place for it. It would look too much like he was trying if he took it. Traffic was light, and he arrived with a solid twenty minutes 85


before Gage went on. He would have loved sitting in front, but that prevailing sense of over eagerness stopped him. Instead, he chose a small table tucked away at the side. He still had a terrific view of the stage, but he wouldn’t be in Gage’s direct line of sight, which felt like a better arrangement for both of them. Gage could connect with his audience, and Christopher could watch without feeling self-conscious about how much he enjoyed Gage’s music. Bodie wasn’t there. A fact that Christopher was extremely grateful for. Maybe he wasn’t in the habit of going to all of Gage’s gigs. Or maybe Gage told him to stay away. It didn’t matter either way. All that mattered was that the other man wasn’t sitting near the stage, demanding Gage’s attention. To Christopher’s untrained ears, Gage was getting better nightly. The nerves that had plagued him before seemed to be completely gone, and he kept his set lists lively, easily changing up the songs depending on his audience. Christopher was hardly objective, but he was sure that greater things than the Red Fin were in his future. The time flew. Before he realized it, Gage was saying good night to the crowd, slinging his guitar over his back, and exiting the stage. Christopher picked up his Diet Coke and carried it over to the end of the bar, the place they’d agreed upon to meet. Julio nodded at him, but before he could take a seat, Gage was there, smile bright, eyes brighter. Christopher matched it. “Great show.” “Thanks. There was a good energy in the audience. It really made a difference.” “Here you go,” Julio said, sliding an envelope across the bar. Gage frowned. “What’s this?” “Your cut.” Julio gestured toward the stage. “We never have a 86


crowd this big on Mondays. You’re bringing them in and you’re keeping them drinking.” Gage’s face brightened. “Oh. Well, thank you.” “Maybe I should make you buy me dinner tonight,” Christopher joked. “I’ll be happy to buy you dinner.” He opened the envelope and thumbed through the bills. “I’ll even buy you a drink, too.” “How about you buy the burgers, and I’ll take care of the drinks?” “That sounds fair. Do you want to stick around here?” Christopher glanced around. He liked the Red Fin, and Gage was comfortable here, but he kind of wanted a change of scenery, somewhere he could get Gage to himself rather than get interrupted from would-be fans. Selfish, yeah, but for one night, he was going to allow himself to be. “How about we try someplace new?” he said. “Is there any place you’ve wanted to go to that you haven’t had a chance to yet?” “Actually, I’d like to try something outside the neighborhood. Preferably somewhere with really great fries and good, thick shakes.” He smiled. “I know the perfect place.” Leading the way out of the bar, Christopher felt lighter than he had, even when he’d arrived, his smile lingering when Gage fell into step beside him. He caught Gage humming under his breath, though he regretted it stopped once they were safely ensconced in the front seat. “Have you had a chance to get to Pasadena yet?” he asked, once they were on the road. “That’s where we’re going. It’s called the Burger Continental.” 87


“I drove through it once. The burgers must be really great to go that far out of your way.” “It’s out of the way of the store, yeah, but I do a lot of driving around in the area for sales, which means I get takeout more often than not. I know where all the best places are.” “Maybe this should be a weekly thing, then. I’m always interested in eating good food.” “We can do that. It’ll be a good way for you to get to know the area, too. You can scope out other places you might be able to play.” “Sounds good.” The traffic wasn’t bad that time of night, and the miles seemed inconsequential as they sped along the freeway. Christopher kept sneaking glances at Gage, even though he could barely see the other man’s face in the dim light. He kept up a steady chatter, telling Christopher about the new place he was going to play on Friday night, and how he planned to work on a new set list that week, and that he was hoping to have time to go to a few concerts. He never mentioned Bodie’s name, which Christopher appreciated. The Burger Continental was already deep into their dinner rush. He could see a decent crowd through the restaurant’s large windows, but they weren’t overly crowded. “Just the two of you?” the hostess asked. “Would you like to sit here or in the back?” “The back,” Gage answered. Christopher didn’t argue. He let Gage go first, winding their way through the tables and past the buffet. The Mediterranean music was in full swing, complete with synthesizers, while a belly dancer swayed amongst and with a few of the customers. When Gage nearly bumped into a chair, distracted because of his 88


momentary staring, Christopher bit back a smile. The Burger Continental would never be known for its high cuisine. Its kitschy atmosphere either turned people away, or attracted them like flies, but it was always good for a smile, no matter what. They had covered the outdoor patio since the last time he’d come, but the hostess gave them a table near the edge, away from the worst of the noise. Christopher hung back to allow Gage to choose first, then sat in the chair opposite, murmuring thanks when the hostess left them with menus. “I know it doesn’t look it,” he said. “But the fries really are decent here.” Gage smiled. “I like it. It’s fun. Not really what I expected.” “The buffet’s not bad, either, if you’re in the mood for cheap Mediterranean. And I figured it was as different from the Red Fin as we could get.” “Yeah, it’s definitely that. I’ll have to try the buffet later. Tonight I am all about a cheeseburger and fries. Or maybe a gyro. There was this place in Salt Lake…” Gage’s voice faded. “Actually, I think I’ll just have the burger.” Shadows haunted Gage’s eyes at mention of his hometown. Christopher had the urge to reach out and soothe the lines from his forehead, to push back the hair that continually flopped over it, but that was stepping over a line he’d already come too close to the day at the beach. He’d been so close to kissing Gage then. He still wasn’t sure how he’d managed to rein himself in. “So what do you think of LA? Is it living up to what you thought it’d be?” Get his mind off Salt Lake. Focus on the present. He wanted Gage to remember this night with a smile, not sadness because he’d gotten lost in memories of what he’d left behind. “I love LA so far. But it feels like I’m on vacation right now. I 89


wake up when I want, hang out with who I want, I’ve been to so many different bars and clubs in the past two weeks that I can’t even keep them straight. I keep wondering when somebody is going to show up to make me go back to my real life.” “If you ask me, it sounds like you finally have a real life. Getting to make your own choices is one of the benefits of being an adult.” “And that’s basically why I left. I couldn’t do anything and it felt like the ropes were getting tighter all the time.” “I imagine being gay in that kind of religious environment would be tough.” Gage chuckled. “It would have been if anybody knew I was gay. Actually, it was everything else that got to me. I mean, it was bad enough that I had to hide who I was but…nobody was ever looking that closely anyway. As long as I didn’t stray from the path of salvation, nobody ever saw me. I’m not sure how else to describe it.” “Really? I find that so hard to believe.” At the curious tilt of Gage’s head, he added, “That you could get ignored. You stand out, no matter where you are.” “Not in Utah, I don’t. In Utah, I was just another good Mormon boy, going to church every Sunday, attending BYU, paying my tithing, going on a mission. You remember when I said I left because I wanted to grow a beard? I wasn’t kidding about that.” “The beard isn’t what makes you stand out, though.” He hadn’t had much of an impression of Mormons prior to meeting Gage, but if this kind of blindness was typical, his estimation was quickly sinking even more. “I mean, I realize religion wants to homogenize everybody. It’s easier to control them, then. But anybody with eyes can see what you could contribute, beyond doing your religious 90


duty.” Gage shrugged. “It didn’t matter. That was the thing, it just didn’t matter. All that mattered was that we do what was expected. All of us. Go on a mission, go to school, get married, have kids, fulfill our callings, raise the kids in the church, never think for ourselves. Never do anything. I couldn’t take it anymore. I started to rebel. That’s what got me sent home from my mission early. Which was unbelievably humiliating at the time. Everybody wanted to know what I had done and a few people… Well, let’s just say that my rebellion wasn’t sexual but the rumors about me were.” He was dying of curiosity to know how Gage had rebelled, but the last thing he wanted to do was press and evoke even more bad memories. He could, however, ask, “And making a clean break, you’re not having any problems with that?” After all, if this was all Gage had ever known, it was no wonder he felt like he was on vacation. “It’s…it’s hard.” His voice broke a little on the last syllable, and he reached for his glass of water. Christopher waited while he took a long swallow and composed himself. “I miss my brothers. Zak is leaving for his mission in a few weeks, and I won’t get to tell him goodbye. Brett’s getting married in October and I can’t be there for that. My grandparents won’t even…I’m sorry. I’m probably bumming you out.” “No,” he was quick to assure. Then, when Gage seemed disbelieving, “No. Look, I’m not going to pretend to understand leaving something like that. All I know about church and God is what Grandpa taught me in relation to certain antiquities. But I’d be a pretty big asshole if I didn’t see what this all means to you, even now, even after everything. So if you want to talk about it, 91


talk. It’s tough enough striking out on your own if you feel like there’s nobody you can trust.” He folded his arms in front of him and leaned forward, pitching his voice lower in hopes Gage would take him seriously. “You can trust me. And I like you. I want to know what makes you tick. Not hearing about any of that would be like ignoring a dozen coats of wax and paint that are ruining the veneer because I can’t get past a piece’s lines.” “I don’t really know what that last thing meant, but I think I get the gist. But it’s not really about church and God, you know? It’s about family. I feel like I’m an orphan now. And I’m…honestly, I’m so jealous of you.” “Me?” It was the last thing he would have expected to hear. “Why?” “You have all of your friends. You have your grandfather’s store and all those memories with him. I guess your parents probably still live in the area and you might have a whole herd of cousins and extended family I don’t know about. Sometimes I don’t think I’ll ever have what you’ve got.” “I’ll grant you the friends. And you’re right about the store. But the only times I talk to my parents are when they start feeling guilty and call the store to check how I am. Which only happens every couple of years. They don’t even call my cell or the apartment, even though they have both numbers. And once, they talked to my part-timer instead of asking for me to call them back or leaving a message. So don’t be too jealous, Gage. What I’ve got, you’re going to have, too. I guarantee it. It’s just going to take a little time.” “Why do you have so little contact with your parents?” The waitress chose that moment to arrive, her smile bright, her attitude infectiously buoyant. They were distracted from the 92


sobriety of their conversation by her casual jokes, though when she left with their food orders, Christopher’s smile faded into a wry twist of his mouth. “My parents never got over my coming out when I was eighteen. Part of me thinks the only reason they keep calling is they hope that I’ve somehow changed my mind about it, or that I’ve found a nice girl who showed me the error of my ways.” “I’m sorry. My parents…I told them I was gay when I left. My mom said she never wanted to see my face again unless I agreed to go into treatment.” His heart broke a little for Gage. Christopher had never had his parents as a real support system, so he hadn’t missed them a whole lot when they disappeared from his life. But that was all Gage had had. Leaving Salt Lake City must have felt like getting an arm amputated. “What about your brothers? Do they know?” “I don’t know. I didn’t tell them, but I wouldn’t be surprised if my parents did. In fact, now that I think about it, they probably did. They wouldn’t want Zak or Ben to get it in their head to follow me to LA, right?” “Do you think it would be worth trying to talk to one of them? They might be more open-minded about it than your parents.” “I don’t want to get them in trouble. Like I said, Zak is going on his mission soon, and Ben still has a year left in high school. Plus I couldn’t…I don’t know what I’d do if my little brothers hated me.” It was sound logic, and the last thing Christopher wanted was to add to Gage’s guilt and longing for his absent family. Dropping the subject was in both of their best interest. “I think you’re doing the right thing, though.” He smiled, 93


hoping it was encouraging. “You got out to explore your neighborhood. You’re pursuing your music. Things can only go up from here.” “That’s what I tell myself every morning. I hope I have a regular paying gig before my money runs out. I’d rather die than crawl back to Utah.” “What about finding part-time work to tide you over?” “I’ve tried but it’s a little embarrassing. With no experience and no degree in this economy, I don’t have a lot of options.” “I’m an option.” Gage blinked. “What do you mean?” “Working for me. There’s plenty of times I need an extra set of hands moving furniture, or extra eyes at a sale, or just someone to watch the store for me when I need to run out at the last minute. It’s not glamorous or anything, but it’s there for a back-up if you’re interested.” “Are you serious? You’d want somebody who doesn’t know anything about antiques and has never worked in a store before?” He chuckled. “Antiques stores aren’t exactly hotbeds for retail traffic. It wouldn’t be that hard to get you up to speed on basic responsibilities. And you don’t have to know anything. You have to be friendly and polite, and if someone asks you a question you can’t answer, you defer to me.” “You’re really serious, aren’t you? I mean, if you are, I can start tomorrow.” The eagerness in Gage’s eyes lit him up, eyes dancing, smile widening, his entire body leaning forward as if to grab onto Christopher’s offer before it disappeared. Against his will, Christopher’s cock thickened against his thigh, memories of that same exuberance moving against him that night at Power flooding 94


through his head. Having Gage around even more was probably a mistake. He was already having difficulties banning his image when Christopher was trying to concentrate on other things. But if there was something he could do, he had to make the offer, his own desires be damned. Those same desires that now refused to blend into the background, not with Gage so mouth-wateringly near. “That works for me.” Somehow, he kept his voice even, though he reached for his glass of water to wet his dry throat. “Though it’ll be mostly education to start. I’ll show you around the store, the storeroom.” Thinking of the next day reminded him of his schedule. “Oh, I’ve got an estate sale this week. You should come with me.” “Absolutely. As long as I get back in time to play, I’ll go wherever you want or do whatever you say.” The sentiment did nothing to curb Christopher’s arousal. If anything, it exacerbated it, forcing him to shift in his seat to find a more comfortable position. His gaze dropped to Gage’s willing smile, lingering for a moment longer than he knew would do either of them any good. He cleared his throat, hoping it would clear his head at the same time. “I say we have a plan, then. Do you need for me to come pick you up, or can you get out to the store on your own?” “I can get out to the store on my own.” The shadow in his eyes was completely gone now, and Christopher was happy he was responsible for bringing Gage’s smile back. “How am I ever going to repay you for everything you’ve done for me?” He grinned, suppressing the more suggestive possibilities that came to mind. “Don’t give me a reason to fire you.” “I’ll be the most dedicated employee you’ve ever had.” 95


Christopher had no doubt about that. The Gage he was getting to know didn’t do things halfway. And if this meant Christopher now had the opportunity to get him know even more, that was just an unexpected bonus.

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CHAPTER 7 Gage felt like he was walking on air by the time Christopher dropped him off. He didn’t so much step into his apartment as floated. He hadn’t realize how much being unemployed weighed on him until that weight had lifted. It never occurred to him to ask Christopher if he needed help in his store, but he was grateful that it occurred to Christopher to offer. Even part-time would make a huge difference in his life. Plus, he’d get to spend more time with Christopher, and there was nothing bad about that. In fact, it would be easier to remember that Christopher was off-limits once he was officially Gage’s boss. The phone began to ring as soon as he locked the door, and he hurried to answer it, wondering if it would be Christopher. “Hello?” 97


“There you are.” Bodie’s exuberant voice cut through the line, the TV in the background muting at the same time. He must have turned the volume down when Gage picked up. “Where’ve you been? Did your adoring fans mob the stage?” “No, nothing like that. I went and had a late dinner with Christopher.” “Christopher?” Some of the energy faded, his tone growing more cautious. “It’s a little late for him, isn’t it? It’s not the weekend.” “Yeah, but I invited him. We had a little fight the other day, and I thought it’d be a peace offering.” “Wait. You…asked him out?” “You make it sound like we were on a date or something.” “You just said you invited him out for dinner. Did he pay? Or pick you up?” “He picked me up at the Red Fin because he wanted to take me to one of his favorite places. And I paid because I invited him out and that’s the polite thing to do.” “No, that’s the date thing to do.” Gage sat on the bed and kicked off his shoes. “Bodie, Christopher and I aren’t dating. We’ll never date. We’re just friends.” “Which is why he picked you up at Power that night. Please. I’m not stupid. I would just appreciate having a heads-up if you make other plans.” “But nothing happened that night.” “So he just walked a perfect stranger out of the bar on a Friday night? He’s a martyr, but he still has a dick. And I’ve seen the way he looks at you.” “He doesn’t want me,” Gage said softly. “Okay? We got here, 98


he found out I had never been with another guy before, and he left.” “That’s ridiculous. Not even Christopher is stupid enough to turn down an offer from a horny virgin.” “Yeah, that’s what I figured, too. So clearly he’s not interested.” “But you still asked him out tonight.” “Bodie, Jesus. It wasn’t a date. It was dinner. Don’t you ever have dinner with people you aren’t dating? Or should I be jealous of every meal you have without me?” “Why didn’t you tell me about it, then?” Gage fell back on the bed and stared at the ceiling, trying to decide if he was annoyed or excited by Bodie’s jealousy. “I’m sorry. I didn’t think it was that big of a deal.” A long breath over the line could only be a sigh. “It wouldn’t be if I didn’t know how hot he is for you. He was all over you at the beach. It pissed me off.” Gage laughed. “What are you talking about? He was not.” “He whipped off his own shirt to cover up a scratch. You’re telling me that isn’t trying to show off for you, not even a little bit?” It had been just a scratch. It was nicely scabbed over now, and didn’t hurt at all. “That’s just the way he is. He’s the sort of guy who has to take care of everybody.” “So why does he have to do it with the guy I’m dating, huh? He had his chance. He blew it.” “Well, maybe you should have whipped off your shirt before he had the chance.” “Or I could come over there and whip it off now.” Gage unbuttoned his pants. “I’d like that. But just so you know, 99


I can’t stay up too late tonight.” “Why not?” Bodie sounded like he was already moving. “I have to go to work in the morning.” “When did you get a job?” “Tonight when Christopher offered me one.” The ensuing silence crept so long, he was tempted to ask if Bodie was still there. Then, he heard the whisper of breath, and wondered what Bodie was doing. “Don’t tell me this is just his way of taking care of you, Gage.” “I told him I was worried about running out of money. And about how I didn’t want to have to crawl back home. He said he needed help around the store.” “You didn’t tell me you were worried about running out of money.” Bodie actually sounded hurt. “If you need a loan, I can float you the cash. You don’t have to go to work for Christopher.” “I’d rather work and earn my keep, honestly. But…look, I know you don’t like this. Is there anything I can do to make it more palatable for you?” More silence. He wasn’t used to that with Bodie. Bodie liked conversation, even when it wasn’t about anything in particular. “I’m coming over,” he eventually said. “We’ll negotiate terms then. We can start with you on your knees.” “Okay,” Gage agreed readily, his cock already half-erect. “How long until you’re here?” “Ten minutes. I’ll run every fucking red if I have to.” The line went dead. Gage believed him, even if he didn’t quite understand the source of Bodie’s jealousy. He was still very attracted to Christopher, but Bodie certainly didn’t know that. Did he? Gage hoped not. Bodie might not have been his first choice, but Gage 100


liked him a lot. He liked hanging out with him. He liked going out to clubs and meeting important people. He really liked the sex. And what would he do if Bodie ended things? Start going to Power again? He didn’t want to go back to the clubs and the meat markets. It was better to be with Bodie. Easier. Safer. He made it there in nine minutes. When Bodie heard the sharp rap on the door he jumped off the bed and hurried to answer it. Something about the way the other man looked made his groin tighten. He wasn’t sure if he and Bodie would have ever been friends, but they were certainly compatible physically. Hands reached for Gage before he could start closing the door, curling around the back of his neck and his hip to yank him forward. Their bodies slammed together, followed a moment later by their mouths, but the harsh scrape of teeth wasn’t Bodie’s usual style. This was claiming, pure and simple. Gage’s body responded instantly. After a lifetime of minimal contact, followed by a year of virtually no contact at all, Gage craved touch. He craved the warmth of another human being. He craved the smooth texture of hands across his skin and the pressure of a mouth claiming his. If he’d had any notion at all of what sex was really like, he wouldn’t have waited so long to find a boyfriend. Not that Bodie was his boyfriend. Or maybe he was? Maybe that was what this was all about? Bodie kicked the door shut the rest of the way and steered Gage back into the apartment. He didn’t head for the bed, but instead angled for the couch, not stopping until Gage hit the edge. His grip tightened, and he lifted his head away from the kiss, eyes dark and unreadable. “Tell me it wasn’t a date.” His voice rasped with every word. Gage licked his lips. “It wasn’t a date.” 101


“He never touched you.” “He never touched me,” Gage promised, successfully keeping the note of regret out of his voice. After their small fight in Christopher’s apartment, Gage was sure that Christopher would never touch him again. A muscle twitched in Bodie’s cheek. The hand around Gage’s neck loosened, while the one on his hip slid between them to cup his erection. Bodie squeezed, smiling when Gage gasped. “The old man is an idiot,” he murmured. “You are the most delectable guy I’ve dated in a very long time.” Gage’s cheeks flushed, and his flesh throbbed against Bodie’s fingers. “So does this mean you don’t want me dating anybody else at all? Or just not Christopher?” “I don’t want you dating anybody at all.” He ducked his head and licked Gage’s neck. “Especially not Christopher.” Gage whimpered and dropped his head back. Every time Bodie touched him, a jolt went directly to his cock. The fact was, he’d agree to anything as long as Bodie was licking him. Especially when Bodie had his shaft in a steel grip. The blood was already flowing from his brain. “Okay. Okay, I won’t date anybody else.” He was knocked off-balance when Bodie pushed him backward, falling onto the couch with Bodie’s weight pressing him down. Bodie never let him go, adding teeth to where he gnawed at Gage’s skin, and ground his own cock against Gage’s hip. “So what do you think you have to do to make this more palatable for me?” Bodie asked. Bodie was going to leave a huge hickey on his skin, and Christopher would see it. He wouldn’t do anything about it, though. He wouldn’t question it, because he already knew Bodie 102


and Gage were dating. At that moment, Gage understood exactly what Bodie was doing. Marking his territory. Like Gage was nothing more than a piece of property to be claimed. “Anything you want. Just tell me.” The grip around his erection disappeared. The sound of Bodie’s zipper being pulled down filled his ears. When Bodie’s hand returned, it was to grab Gage’s wrist and guide his fingers to the open fly, curling automatically around the shaft. “I think you should tell me how fantastic this feels.” Bodie’s hand molded over Gage’s for the first couple pumps along the hot length. “And then beg to suck me.” Gage felt more than a little flustered at the request. He had no problem with the act. He was getting good at it, according to Bodie, who always returned the favor. But something about this request seemed like it was designed to knock him off balance. He almost pushed Bodie away, but then remembered how close he had been, more than once, to begging Christopher. “It feels better than fantastic. It feels amazing. Please let me suck you off. I want to taste you. I…I need to taste you.” Bodie lifted his head. His mouth was swollen from how viciously he’d attacked Gage’s neck, his lips still wet with spit. Desire gleamed in his eyes, but more than that, there was triumph. Knowledge he’d won. Pleasure that Gage had done exactly as he’d said. His weight shifted as he peeled away. One knee came to rest on the edge of the couch next to Gage’s head, while he worked at his jeans, opening them up the rest of the way to pull his cock and balls completely free. He caressed Gage’s mouth, sliding his thumb past his lips. Gage sucked at it hard, eyes locked on Bodie, but he didn’t have to wait long for Bodie’s next move. 103


“I do love your mouth,” Bodie muttered. Pulling his thumb free, he caught his cock at the base and tilted it downward. “Now open it up…” Gage obeyed, remaining still as Bodie fed him his cock. When he reached Gage’s throat he paused, then eased back, slowly sliding his shaft along Gage’s tongue. When he moved forward again, he paused even longer at Gage’s throat. Like he wanted him to get used to the pressure on the back of his tongue, the weight against his gag reflex. Gage’s breath quickened, and his heart thundered in his ears. Bodie had always been patient with him, willing to move at Gage’s pace, but Gage had the feeling Bodie’s patience had reached an end. Christopher would be happy to stick to Gage’s pace. Of that, he had no doubt. But as Bodie cupped the back of Gage’s head, holding him in place for his next thrust forward, Gage realized he wouldn’t want Christopher to hold himself back. If Christopher were there with him, at that moment, in that exact same situation, Gage wouldn’t need to be coaxed. He’d beg on his own. He’d swallow Christopher all the way down. Christopher wouldn’t even have to say what he wanted. He could take it. Maybe Bodie sensed that, somehow. But Bodie could be as possessive as he wanted. The fact was, Christopher wasn’t there. Gage couldn’t surrender to his desires. Gage tried to use that fact to push Christopher out of his mind, but he couldn’t. He closed his eyes as Bodie finally thrust into Gage’s throat, pushing past his gag reflex, and imagined it was Christopher softly coaxing him to swallow. It helped that Bodie didn’t speak. A long sigh wafted from above, and Gage envisioned Christopher’s head thrown back, his hair brushed along his shoulders, his perfect tanned skin bare to 104


reveal the tension in his muscles as he fought for control. Christopher wouldn’t have just opened up his jeans. He would have stripped all the way down, but only after first stripping Gage. His long fingers would stroke and caress, instead of pull and grip. There would be kisses meant to spark their desire, not brand Gage as property. Like the one at Power. The one against the wall. The one that had melted Gage’s knees and made him want to beg for more. Gage moaned at the memory. Above him, Bodie jerked. He pulled back, his shaft swift along Gage’s tongue, then pushed forward again until he was buried to the balls. It was easy to keep Christopher’s face at the front of his mind. He saw it in his dreams every night, after all. He had spent most of the night staring at it. He gripped Bodie’s thigh, holding him tightly as he began to move his head, meeting each one of Bodie’s thrusts. In his mind, Christopher rolled his hips and murmured Gage’s name, encouraging him to move faster, to take more of him, to show him just how much Gage wanted this. Above him, Bodie swore under his breath. His fingers tightened painfully in Gage’s hair, yanking him away, and he sat back against Gage’s stomach as his other hand started pulling at his wet cock. In two strokes, he groaned. Come splattered onto Gage’s chin and neck, rolling down the side in slow, thick droplets. Gage stuck his tongue out to try to catch a drop, but most of it was out of his reach. His balls ached, and he really hoped Bodie planned to take him to bed. “Believe me now?” Bodie stretched out atop him, almost gently considering how rough he’d been only moments earlier, and sealed their mouths together in a deep, languorous kiss that soothed Gage’s aching jaw. 105


“You’re the best,” Bodie said when they broke apart. “And I plan on keeping you up all night to prove it.” Gage considered protesting, but decided now that peace had been restored it wasn’t worth it to mention his new job again. Besides, he really couldn’t complain about Bodie keeping him all night. He had a lot of abstinent years to make up for. *

*

*

Christopher stretched out on top of his blankets, eyes closed, lost in the music playing from his phone on the nightstand. It was the recording he’d made of Gage’s set that night, the one he couldn’t resist getting when Gage started in on the very first number. The quality was terrible, and there was a ton of noise from the bar, chairs scraping, people talking, glasses clinking, but Gage’s voice still came through often enough to make it worth it, often enough to transport him back to the Red Fin so all he had to do was watch the memories flicker on the inside of his eyelids. He’d have to delete it in the morning. He couldn’t let Gage know what a fan he was turning into. Their budding friendship had already taken some weird turns not to throw obsessive stalker into the mix, too. The ringer interrupted the music, the bell tones dissonant and disruptive. Grimacing, Christopher reached and picked it up. Rev’s name on the display didn’t surprise him. “You know what I’m going to get you for Christmas this year?” he said in lieu of a greeting. “A nine-to-five job so you can finally appreciate how much sleep I’ve given up for you in my lifetime.” “I wouldn’t have to call so late if you answered your phone 106


once in awhile. Where were you on a school night?” “I took Gage out to the Burger Continental after his set.” “Oh, I should have known.” The comment brought his eyes open, though his brows drew together into a frown. “What’s that supposed to mean?” “What do you mean ‘what’s that supposed to mean?’ If you’re not watching him or taking him to the beach or doctoring his wounds, you’re talking about him. Or thinking about him.” “And you’re a mind reader now? Besides, I took you to the beach. He just tagged along because he’d never seen it before.” “Any excuse to spend more time with him, right?” “Hardly. I wouldn’t have let him bring Bodie along if that was the case.” “Oh, please. You couldn’t very well tell him Bodie wasn’t invited and still keep up the polite fiction this was nothing more than a friendly gathering. And now you’re going out on a date with him.” “It wasn’t a date.” He was too irritated now to stay settled, and swung his legs over the edge of the bed. “We went out to dinner. That’s all.” “You just saw each other yesterday. Why did you need to have dinner tonight?” “We had an argument. We went out to dinner to…resolve it.” “Aw, that’s sweet. So does that mean you won’t be seeing young Gage tomorrow?” His mouth opened to snap a quick no, only to stop at the realization that wasn’t true anymore. Gage had accepted his job offer, an offer Christopher had never anticipated giving until the moment before he did. It had simply seemed like the right thing to do. It was best for both of them. 107


“Not in the way you think,” he said. “He’s going to start working part-time in the store. So, see? It wasn’t a date. It was a job interview.” Rev laughed. For what felt like an eternity. “Are you serious? Oh my God, I can’t wait to see this.” “What? There’s nothing to see. He needed a job, I could use the help, end of story.” “You’ve got yourself so twisted up in knots over this boy. I understand why you don’t see it. This never happens to you. But it happens to me all the time and I know the signs.” Christopher scrubbed his hand over his face. He wanted to argue with Rev. Rev was absolutely wrong about what the night had been about. However, he wasn’t wrong about Christopher’s reaction to Gage. He had been tied up in knots, ever since Power. Denying his desire got harder each time he saw Gage, but he was determined not to let it win, regardless of what Rev seemed to think. “Signs, no signs, it doesn’t matter. Gage is dating Bodie. And even if he wasn’t, he’s working for me now, which means he’s even more off-limits.” “He wasn’t off-limits before,” Rev pointed out. “You did that to yourself. But Bodie’s probably good for him anyway.” Christopher snorted. “The only person Bodie is good for is Bodie.” “Why do you say that? Do you think he’s mistreating Gage?” Sometimes, the way Rev cut to the heart of the matter really annoyed him. Because there was no escaping the truth when it was staring him in the face. “No, he’s not,” he admitted. “Not in the way you’re thinking. I just think…” Gage deserves better. Except Bodie was Rev’s 108


friend, and what did that say about Rev, then? He couldn’t do it. “This is all new for Gage. A new city, a new career, coming out. He needs time to adjust. Find himself.” “Maybe he’s finding himself just fine with Bodie. And if you’re going to work with him, you better get your head on straight.” “My head is not crooked.” “Yeah, it is. From craning it to get a better look at Gage every time he walks away.” Arguing with Rev was like slamming his head into the wall—a waste of time, both because Rev wouldn’t give it up, and because he was completely right. “I’m trying not to, you know. It’s not that easy.” “Well, if anybody can keep an iron grip on his self-control, it’s you. Us mere mortals wouldn’t have a chance in your position, though.” “I hate it when you do that.” “What?” Rev asked, sounding like the very personification of innocence. “It’s bad enough I’ve got Gage buying into all of Bodie’s old man shit. And I know I don’t help it. I know that. But if anybody knows I’m human, it’s you, Rev.” He sighed. He was suddenly very tired. “I almost wish you’d sit Gage down and explain it all to him, because I tried tonight, but I don’t know if I helped my case at all.” “I’m sorry, Chris.” Rev’s voice softened. “I was just teasing you a little. And I’m sure Gage knows you’re human, too. Look, do you know why Gage is dating Bodie?” “Because I’m an idiot?” “Yes. And because as far as Gage knows, Bodie wants him the 109


most. Now, if Gage is mistaken about that, it’s up to you to show him his error. He’s young, Chris. He’s like a puppy. You put him in his place and he’ll stay there as long as you want him to.” And there it was. Gage was young. So young. Inexperienced. That was why he’d walked away in the first place. Why was it he couldn’t stay away? “What do you think of him, Rev? Honest opinion.” “I like him. He’s got a lot of talent, and he’s a good guy.” Rev snorted softly. “I mean, he must be an honest, thoughtful guy because I’m not attracted to him at all.” “I’d ask what you’d do in my place, but I think I already know the answer to that.” In spite of all the emotions Rev had dredged up, he felt better, even if he didn’t have any more answers. “I guess I’ll see how it goes tomorrow. Maybe he’ll suck at the job and I can fire him.” “Are you kidding? He’s right in from the country. He’s probably got that farm work ethic that’ll have him going from sunup to sundown.” “Yeah, you’re probably right. Though thank you for not making a joke about him sucking at other things. I appreciate it.” “I ignored the obvious opening because of our friendship. I trust you won’t forget it.” “Never.” He smiled, though Rev wouldn’t see it. “Thanks. I still don’t know why you called, but I’m glad you did.” “Oh, it’s not important. We’ll get back to my drama after yours isn’t interesting anymore.” “Ha. You’ll find something tomorrow that leaves me in the dust. Or someone.” “No, this is far too delicious. Have pleasant dreams.” Saying good night, Christopher tossed the phone back onto the 110


nightstand. Pleasant dreams, indeed.

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CHAPTER 8 When Gage stepped into Christopher’s store, he wondered if he’d made the wrong choice. He felt far too big and clumsy to work around so many old and delicate items. And this wasn’t like the few antique stores he had been to before, with mostly dusty old junk and faded relics priced for cheap. Of course not. Not in that neighborhood. Even Gage’s uneducated eye knew he was surrounded by treasures—expensive treasures at that. If he fucked up and broke something, Christopher would probably never forgive him. He’d never forgive himself. The smell hit him by the third step inside the door. A combination of old leather, brittle paper, and pine. It smelled a little like his grandparents’ attic, but fresher. If memories had a scent, that’s what it would be. Clinging to artifacts from a different 112


time, mingling with other memories, traveling from home to home, person to person. It was also the smell of Christopher’s skin. Gage recognized it immediately. The store itself wasn’t large. The building was long and narrow, and the items hanging from the walls served to close the space even further. It was packed from floor to ceiling with polished wood and gleaming glass. How much time did Christopher spend just cleaning these treasures? And would cleaning be his job now? The thought made him feel even clumsier. He could truly wreak havoc in a place like this. “Hello,” Gage called out. “Anybody home?” “Hang on!” Christopher’s voice emanated from the rear of the store, immediately zeroing Gage’s attention in that direction. He halted in his wandering and waited. By all rights, he should be exhausted. Bodie had kept him up late, and then, his dreams had been about his first day on the job, so like dreams about first days at school when he couldn’t find his locker, or wore the wrong clothes, or no clothes at all. But he wasn’t tired now. Everything about him was on edge, driven there by his fear of breaking something, and his excitement about getting to work with Christopher. When the door to the back area opened, Christopher was already smiling, and Gage’s heart nearly stopped. He thought he’d seen Christopher in every incarnation possible—club Christopher, casual Christopher, beach Christopher. He thought he’d been prepared. The man was not just the most gorgeous man he’d ever known. He also knew how to dress to show it all off, without looking like he was trying in the slightest. Work Christopher was devastating. 113


He didn’t wear a suit this time, though that was probably a technicality. His charcoal gray slacks draped over his slim hips and long legs, accentuating the broadening of his chest and shoulders beneath a burgundy dress shirt. Though it was left open at the collar, it didn’t lessen its crispness, or diminish the memory of what Christopher’s chest looked like uncovered. Clothes on Christopher always seemed like he’d been born in them; that was how naturally he wore them. The kicker of it all was, he didn’t think Christopher was even aware of the full effect he had on people. Some of it, sure, but not all of it. He’d seem more conceited or fake if that was the case. Christopher nodded toward the doorway. “Come on back. I’ve got someone coming in to work the store this morning so I can give you a full orientation. I was just finishing up breakfast if you want anything before we start.” Gage’s stomach rumbled at the offer, and he felt a sharp pang of hunger just below the twisting knots of nerves. Plus, he liked eating with Christopher. He wasn’t sure why, but he did. “What have you got?” “Coffee, juice, and I did some huevos rancheros, but if you want something simpler, I can throw something else together.” “No, no, please,” Gage protested quickly, knowing that Christopher meant what he said. That he would go to the trouble of making a whole new breakfast for him. “Whatever you’ve got is fine with me.” Gage couldn’t believe that he had been in that apartment just two days earlier. Memory of the argument itself had faded. It seemed insignificant now. What wasn’t insignificant was how close they had stood together while Christopher bandaged his arm, and how much he had wanted Christopher to just touch him when 114


Gage had stopped his retreat to the bedroom. Remnants of breakfast rested on the table, a half-full cup of coffee next to Christopher’s near-empty plate. Gage sat in the other chair and watched Christopher pull another plate out of the cupboard and load it up. Sprinkling cheese across the top, he popped it into the microwave to let it melt while he poured out Gage’s coffee. “I think today is going to be mostly learning the basics,” he said as he worked. “I don’t want to scare you off.” “I’m sure you won’t scare me off,” Gage said, eyeing the coffee mug in front of him. It smelled good—he had always liked the smell of coffee—but he wasn’t sure if he wanted to drink it. What if he hated it? He didn’t want Christopher to think something was wrong if he spit it out in disgust. It seemed safer just to ignore it. “Unless there’s a lot more to the antique business than I ever dreamed of.” “The more that there is, you won’t have to worry about.” The microwave dinged, and Christopher brought over the food, snagging spare utensils along the way. After he set it down, he slid into the opposite chair, his long legs somehow fitting beneath the table. “I don’t expect you to become an expert, Gage. Stop worrying.” Gage cut into the eggs and his stomach growled even louder than before. “I’m not worried about that, to be honest.” “Okay, good. After last night…well, I just want to make sure this works for both of us.” Gage’s neck throbbed at the mention of the previous night, and he wondered if Christopher noticed the hickey yet. The thought made him feel more than a little embarrassed, and he took a large bite of the egg to try to cover that. 115


“I’m mostly worried I’m going to be like a bull in a, well, an antique store,” Gage admitted. “That’s understandable. But you know, once you’ve actually had a chance to spend time in the store, that’ll go away. I mean, think about it. Most of the pieces are older than we can ever hope to be. They’ve lasted this long, not just because somebody took care of them—which is important, don’t get me wrong—but because of how well made they are. All that furniture? A lot sturdier than anything you can buy on the market today. It’s all real wood, so it’s heavier and harder to damage.” He had never seen Christopher in this element before. He spoke with a quiet confidence that refused to be dismissed, talking about the arrangement of the store, how he’d deliberately rearranged items so the more fragile pieces were either out of reach of clumsy customers or behind glass, with the more solid items forcing a specific route through the store to allow only the serious buyers to seek out the more delicate purchases. His gaze remained warm and steady on Gage, easing fear after fear, while his soft smile encouraged Gage to believe him. “I would never expect you to start with the glassware anyway,” Christopher finished. “You start with what’s easy, get comfortable with it, then move on to more when you’re ready.” Gage wasn’t entirely convinced he was safe from harming the antiques, but he became less sure of the inevitability of disaster. He also thought if the unthinkable did happen, Christopher would probably forgive him. “So where exactly am I starting?” “When we’re done eating, I’ll give you a tour of the store, and you can watch Annemarie with customers if any come in. After that…” He smiled, picking up his coffee for the first time since 116


sitting down. “You get to dust.” Gage blinked. “Dust? We didn’t really talk about it last night. How much are you paying me to dust?” “Is that an I-don’t-clean-unless-I-get-paid-extra question, or an are-you-seriously-paying-me-just-to-clean question?” Christopher seemed too amused by the entire situation, his eyes now twinkling. “The latter, mostly. I mean, I don’t mind dusting. My grandma made me dust her house like every day.” “That’s good. That means you’re experienced. And I told you we’d start with the easy stuff. There’s no better way to get comfortable around the store than touching everything to clean it. Think of it like your guitar. The more you handled it, the easier it got, right?” Gage wished that was true for people, too. Maybe if he spent some time handling Christopher, things would be easier between them. He pushed his now empty plate away from him and stood. “Well, boss, I think I’m ready to start.” *

*

*

The morning disappeared in the blink of an eye. One moment, Gage was nervously studying the store, hoping he wouldn’t mess everything up, and the next he was standing in a tiny alcove near the back of the store, damp rag in hand, humming under his breath. The more time he spent around the antiques, the more confident he became. He even began to see them as individual objects, with their own beauty and history, rather than a bunch of horrible accidents waiting to happen. Gage was already looking forward to his next shift. And only partly because he liked the excuse it gave 117


him to spend more time with Christopher. He rubbed his neck absently, feeling a stab of guilt. Bodie had made it very clear exactly what he wanted from Gage—and Gage had promised it. That meant no watching Christopher when his back was turned to check out his ass. That meant not standing close enough to feel the heat from his body. Now their relationship had to be strictly professional. It was easier to remember that when they weren’t both in the same limited space. A reflection darkened the glass door of the display cabinet he was cleaning. Christopher’s arm stretched past Gage’s side to skim fingers along the carved ledge at its top. A cornice, Christopher had called it. Even the memory of his quiet baritone as he’d pointed out the various parts was enough to make heat creep up the back of Gage’s neck. So did the fact he now stood right behind him. “I love this piece.” There was a reverence in his voice Gage was coming to recognize. Christopher didn’t just sell antiques. He chose most of his merchandise because he fell in love with it. “I bought it in San Francisco from the granddaughter of a woman who’d brought it with her all the way from England. It had been a wedding gift from her parents, an heirloom. When her husband announced they were coming to the US, she despaired leaving her family behind. The only way she would come at all was if she got to bring this along, even though it was a nightmare to move safely back then.” Gage didn’t dare turn around, though he was unbelievably aware of how close Christopher was. “It looks like she did it, though. Did it look this good when you bought it?” He wasn’t that interested in the answer, but he didn’t want Christopher to move. “I had to replace all the glass, and one of the legs needed a 118


repair to keep it steady, but it was a small price to pay.” His hand dropped to slide down the hinges. “Rev thinks I’m ridiculous, but I like thinking about all the stories that each thing has. All the moments they’ve been witness to. I find it very…grounding.” Gage couldn’t take his eyes from Christopher’s fingers. He stared at them, wishing Christopher would touch him the way he touched the wood. “I don’t think it’s ridiculous. I think it’s all very interesting. I like hearing what you know.” Christopher stood close enough for his low chuckle to vibrate through Gage’s flesh. “That’s probably why I like you so much. You don’t make me feel like that teacher from Ferris Bueller who just drones on and on and on.” “No, you’re definitely more interesting than that.” Gage tilted his head back slightly to look at Christopher and realized his face was right there. He licked his lips nervously and tried to remember his promise to Bodie. “I never liked history, but everything here makes it all more…concrete.” All of Christopher’s attention seemed fixed on the cabinet. The scent of his skin overpowered everything else, musky and heady enough for Gage’s throat to grow dry, while a low throb in the hollow of his throat teased him with its proximity. “You’ve done a fantastic job on everything, by the way. I know you think it’s just cleaning, but you pay attention to detail. You’d be surprised how many people don’t.” The compliment warmed him through to the core. Christopher’s voice was rich and soft and wrapped around him like a thick blanket. All of his senses were on overload, trying to absorb as much of Christopher as they could. He even felt a tightening in his groin. “I don’t know. I’ve met a lot of sloppy people.” Gage knew he 119


was sounding more inane by the moment, but he couldn’t help himself. His mouth was no longer engaging with his brain. “A bonus for both of us, then, that you’re not one of them.” His head tilted down, and though his body moved away, edging more to Gage’s side, the heat of him didn’t disappear. It simply shifted as his other hand dropped to the small of Gage’s back. Gage couldn’t tell if Christopher was even aware of the contact he made. Part of him hoped it was deliberate. Another part didn’t want Christopher thinking about what he was doing, for fear of him backing off again. “Do you think this arrangement is something you’ll want permanently? Now that you’ve had the day to really see what I do here.” “Yes.” The word sounded winded, like he was breathless. “I guess the real question is whether you want me around permanently.” Christopher smiled. It wasn’t a broad smile, and Gage barely got a glimpse of teeth, but the slow, sensual curve of his mouth as the muscles worked and tightened shot fresh fire through Gage’s body. When he spoke, his soft voice encouraged intimacy, beckoning Gage ever nearer. “Considering how much time I spend thinking about you, Gage, I’d say you were already around here permanently.” Gage wasn’t sure what possessed him. Maybe it was the words themselves, or maybe he had just lost his mind. But Christopher’s voice temporarily drowned out everything that happened the night before, and his smile was intoxicating. Like a small child seeing something unexpected, he wanted to touch it. It was easy to do, too. Just a slight tilt of his head, and his mouth was touching Christopher, their breath mingling. Gage wasn’t sure why Christopher parted his lips, but it didn’t matter. He took advantage 120


of it, slipping his tongue into Christopher’s mouth. A groan came from Christopher’s throat. He didn’t pull away from the contact, but instead, welcomed Gage in, twisting their tongues together as his arm firmed behind Gage’s back. The hand that had been caressing the cabinet scooped behind Gage’s neck, holding him firm, steady, as confident as it was careful. Christopher surrounded him—body, lips, arms. Nothing else existed but the sounds that came from him every time Gage swept deeper, the heat seeping through his clothes to burn into Gage’s skin, the tremors that shivered through his muscles only to smooth away when he tightened the embrace. Gage thought he could stay locked that way for eternity. No other thoughts, no other desires, crowded his mind. Kissing was still a new art to him, still something exciting and novel. As far as he could tell, Christopher was the best kisser to ever grace the Earth. Each time Christopher’s tongue moved against his, a new thrill went down his spine. Each hungry gasp made his muscles watery and his stomach tight. And then Christopher’s thumb brushed against the bruised skin just below his jaw. Gage started back, breaking free from the caress and almost hitting the cabinet they had just been discussing. “Oh, God. I’m sorry. I can’t.” Christopher’s eyes were dark and unfocused, blinking once as Gage’s words sank in. His tongue swept over his swollen lower lip, and for a second, Gage swayed forward, wanting to taste him again, needing to be devoured. He only caught himself when Christopher said, “No. It was my fault. I shouldn’t have kissed you back.” “Don’t do that, please. It was my fault. I kissed you. And…I’d 121


kiss you again, except I promised Bodie…” Gage let his voice fade, unsure how he wanted to finish that sentence. Mention of Bodie put steel back into Christopher’s stance, his shoulders squaring as he took a step away. “You said it was just fun.” “It was. But he said…” Gage’s brain was still overwhelmed by Christopher’s proximity, but he knew he didn’t want to use Bodie’s exact words. “We should be exclusive.” For a split second, Christopher’s eyes widened, then, almost as quickly, his features returned to their usual friendly mask. Gage’s pulse hammered at the recognition of what he’d seen. Surprise and dismay. But the fact that Christopher suppressed it immediately was proof he wasn’t going to push. “And you agreed?” “Yes. I…” I didn’t want him to leave, I didn’t want to be alone, I didn’t think I had the chance with you. “Do you think I shouldn’t have?” Christopher retreated another step. “It doesn’t matter what I think. It matters what you want.” He smiled, but it was a ghost of the one he’d bestowed upon Gage just moments before. “I’m glad you’re happy with him, Gage.” But it did matter what Christopher thought. It mattered a great deal. But what could he say? He still had enough pride not to beg Christopher to give him just one chance. And who had initiated the kiss? Not Christopher, despite how close they were standing. Christopher had just responded, which wasn’t completely unexpected, given the fact that he never denied being attracted to Gage before. “I am happy,” Gage said softly. “Are we…” His voice trailed off, his gaze flitting to the cabinet 122


behind Gage’s shoulder. He seemed to weigh his words before shifting his focus back to Gage. “I’ll understand if you want to quit, but I meant everything I said. You’re a great worker, and you’d be an asset around here if you stay.” “No, I definitely don’t want to quit. I do like working here, and it’s easier to write music when you’re not worried about being homeless. It was a mistake. It won’t happen again.” Though Christopher looked like he wanted to say more, he only nodded. As he turned away, though, he touched his bottom lip, as if testing the way it felt. He left Gage standing there. Alone. Again.

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CHAPTER 9 The only reason Christopher agreed to take Gage with him to the estate sale was because he’d already made a promise. Because it wasn’t a good idea. Not at all. Not after that kiss, not after having made a decision and then having the choice yanked out of his hands again before he even realized it was too late. An overnight trip to Sacramento with only Gage for company was a monumentally bad idea. If the sale wasn’t a two-day affair, he’d insist on driving back to LA that night. Even his hope that Gage would have a gig to prevent him from going was dashed. He had no choice but to keep his word. It was his own fault he’d taken so long to realize just being friends with Gage was going to be a nightmare. He could have handled it, though, as long as he could keep Gage at arm’s length. 124


Except that kiss… He had gotten nothing done that morning. After he’d finished showing Gage around, he’d tried to focus on finishing an inventory in preparation for going to the sale, but his attention kept straying, to follow Gage around as he stretched to clean high edges, or got down on his hands and knees to dust around the furniture’s feet. He couldn’t remember ever wanting anyone the way he wanted Gage. During the time Gage took to clean, Christopher flipped through more fantasies in his head than should have been possible. That first thrust of Gage’s tongue inside his mouth detonated every nerve ending he had and obliterated the pretenses. They weren’t good enough, not compared to the reality. Not anymore. Except it had to be. Gage had chosen Bodie. End of story. End of Christopher’s story, anyway. When he stopped outside Gage’s building, he once more considered turning around and getting on the I-5. By the time Gage realized he wasn’t going to show up, he’d be halfway to the state capital. But instead of stepping on the gas and swinging the wheel around, he slowed to a stop and patiently waited. Less than five minutes later, Gage emerged from the door, a backpack slung over his shoulder and a guitar case in the other hand. A baseball cap pulled low on his brow obscured his eyes, but there was no mistaking his smile. “Punctual as always,” Gage greeted cheerfully as he pulled the back door open. He slid the guitar case in first and perched his bag on top of it, then joined Christopher in the front. “Come on, smile. We’re going on a road trip.” In spite of his earlier trepidation, Gage’s smile melted his mood, like it always did. He shook his head in mock reproof, and 125


pulled out into traffic. “Only you would find Sacramento exciting,” he said. “And what’s with the guitar? You planning on playing for tips at the sale?” “I don’t go anywhere without her, and I figured I’ll have downtime at some point. Plus, I could serenade you, if you liked.” “Not while I’m driving. We’ll never get there.” He finally smiled at the thought of a serenade. “I wouldn’t mind a personal concert tonight, though. Your show is definitely better than anything on the hotel’s Pay-Per-View.” “I’ll play any time you want. So, does the estate sale start today or tomorrow?” “Today’s the showing. That’s when we get to walk around and examine everything firsthand. Some items are a straight sale, but for those that are going to auction, it gives people time to decide if we’re going to bid, how much, that kind of thing. The auction itself will be tomorrow.” “Cool. Are you looking for anything in particular? Or, I guess, should I be looking for anything in particular?” They coasted to a red light. Leaning sideways, Christopher startled Gage a little bit when he reached into the footwell and pulled out the large manila envelope he’d stashed beneath the seat. “This is the catalog,” he said, tossing it onto Gage’s lap. “I’ve gone through and made a note of the items that interest me, but you’re welcome to look through it and see if anything jumps out at you. I can tell you why or why not I’m interested in it.” “You’re going to let me pick things for your store?” “You might notice something I didn’t. Besides, I know I fall into ruts sometimes. You can shake me out of it.” Gage slowly thumbed through the glossy pages. “How long 126


until we get there?” “It’s about a six hour drive once we get on the highway.” He flashed Gage a smile. “Last chance to change your mind.” “Please, six hours is nothing. It’s almost twice that from Salt Lake to LA, and I didn’t even have company. Six hours sounds about right for a good nap and a careful read through of the catalog.” “Oh, did I not mention the no sleeping rule in my car? You’re the way I stay alert.” He knew he was flirting. He knew he shouldn’t. But hell if he had the willpower to stop. “And how would you like me to keep you alert?” “All you have to do is talk to me and smile.” “Joke’s on you, then. I’m only good for two hours of conversation.” “Then it looks like we’re going to have to work on your stamina.” “Perhaps. What’s your stamina like?” “I guess you’re going to have to find out.” He was a little grateful when Gage laughed and started flipping through the catalog. He shouldn’t be doing this, not with Gage. But it was too easy to fall into that rhythm, that give and take where Gage seemed to know exactly how long he could stay silent before he needed to speak, where he found the right comeback that would make Christopher smile, where he’d glance at him out of the corner of his eye with that shy twist of his mouth that told Christopher everything would be okay. He tried to resist, but he wasn’t nearly as strong as Rev gave him credit for. The hours slipped by. The weather was glorious, and the weekday traffic light. Gage posed question after question on the choices Christopher had made from the catalog, teasing him about 127


the heavy wood pieces he seemed to prefer. Halfway there, Christopher realized he’d eased up on the accelerator, dropping below the speed limit when he normally traveled five or ten over. He was dragging their journey out. He compromised by edging back up to the limit. They still reached Sacramento sooner than he hoped. Christopher always stayed at the same Hilton when he traveled to Sacramento. He liked the sense of familiarity he felt when he drove down the same street, parked in the same lot, entered the same building. Gage followed behind as they walked through the lobby to the queue, chatting amiably about how nice the lobby was, and how he planned to go swimming at least once. He lapsed into silence while Christopher checked in, only speaking again when they stood at the elevators. “When did you book a second room?” He could have lied and said he’d always had two rooms booked. He should have lied. But lying wasn’t Christopher’s way, even when he didn’t like what he had to say. “When I found out about you and Bodie.” He refused to refer to the kiss and make this harder than it was. “I thought you’d rather have the privacy.” Gage grinned, but Christopher was becoming something of an expert on Gage’s smiles and this one seemed forced. “I had six brothers and grew up in three bedroom house. I didn’t even know privacy existed until I moved to California.” “Six? Are the other four older than you? I haven’t heard you talk about them.” “That’s because I’m not really that close to them. Brett’s only twenty-six, but Joseph, Bowden, and Chad are all over ten years older. I think after Brett was born, Mom just kept trying for a girl.” 128


The elevator doors slid open, and they stepped into the empty car. Nobody came on after them, leaving Christopher all too aware of Gage standing so close next to him. “Well, if it makes you feel any better, I’ll take the bigger room.” “That’s awfully nice of you. What floor?” “Five.” Gage leaned over to punch the button, his arm brushing against Christopher’s. It was a very short ride. Nothing after the hours he had just spent in the car with Gage, but his senses were on high alert and never let him forget Gage’s proximity. The trip to their doors was interminable. Their rooms were across the hall from each other, but Gage hung back while Christopher opened the first. He knew at a glance it was the larger room, though not by much. “This one’s yours.” He smiled as he held the door open. It wasn’t a lie. He’d only been kidding around about taking the bigger room. “Thanks.” Gage set his bags on the bed nearest the door. “I guess this means I can stay up as late as I want practicing.” Christopher backed toward his own room, unable to take his eyes off him yet. “What about my personal concert?” “You tell me. What’s the plan tonight?” “Well, first, clean up and change your shirt so we can head to the sale. You brought that blue one I asked you to, right? You look fantastic in that.” Gage’s smile reached his eyes. “Yeah, I brought it. Call me when you’re ready to go.” “Fifteen minutes.” Having a goal made it easier to finally leave Gage. Christopher dropped his overnight case on the valet, hung up his garment bag 129


in the closet, and promptly pulled his T-shirt over his head. He didn’t have time for a shower, but he splashed water over his face and rinsed out his pits before getting a fresh dress shirt off a hanger. Some buyers didn’t bother with appearances, but his grandfather had taught Christopher differently. “If you look like you can outbid everybody else, you’ve won half the battle already,” he’d always said. “Most people will believe what they see. Don’t forget that.” Fourteen minutes later, he knocked on Gage’s door. As he waited for Gage to answer, he pulled at the sleeves on his coat, smoothing out the last of the wrinkles. When Gage opened the door, he took Christopher’s breath away. The blue shirt wasn’t special in and of itself, but it complemented Gage’s blue eyes, making them even brighter and harder to look away from. Those eyes blatantly traveled up and down Christopher’s body, but he was too busy staring to care. “Did I need to dress up more for this?” “No, no,” he hastened to assure. “You look perfect.” “It’s just…you looked nicer than I expected.” Gage stepped out, forcing Christopher to move back to give him room. “After you, boss.” The last thing on his mind right then was the estate sale. He would have much preferred shoving Gage to the wall and kissing him senseless, then dragging him to the bed to take everything he had wanted from the start. But regardless of how Gage looked at him, Christopher had to remember he wasn’t free to touch. Gage had committed himself to Bodie, a fact he hated more and more every additional minute he spent in Gage’s company. Talking about the catalog helped. Having Gage navigate through Sacramento helped, too. When they pulled up in front of 130


the three-story stone house, he smiled at how wide Gage’s eyes got at the grand façade. “First word of advice when we’re inside.” He stretched and tapped under Gage’s chin, gently pushing his mouth shut. “Hold the jaw dropping until after we leave.” “Everybody’s going to take one look at me and know I don’t belong here. Maybe I should have got some glass frames to make me look smarter.” He caught Gage’s shoulder before he could reach for the door handle, waiting until Gage lifted his gaze to Christopher’s. “I wouldn’t have brought you if I didn’t think you could do it. Just follow my lead. You trust me, don’t you?” “Of course.” The words were prompt, and Christopher felt their sincerity. Looking at Gage, he temporarily forgot where they were or what they were even doing. Until Gage pushed the door open, and they were met with a blast of cool air, the smell of recently polished wood, and the sound of dozens of voices murmuring their restrained approval. “I just don’t want to be more handicap than help.” More than one person nodded at Christopher as they headed for the front door, though their gazes flickered just as often to Gage at his side. It had been years since Christopher had come with someone else. Gossip was going to abound. He considered warning Gage about the possibility, but decided against it. He didn’t want to make Gage even more self-conscious than he already was. For some reason, it was important to him that Gage enjoy himself. Christopher needed him to like his world. They started in the library, where the more obvious pieces were displayed. Gage hung back as Christopher inspected the Edwardian rocker that had caught his eye from the start. Christopher talked 131


through everything he did, explaining the various parts of the chair, pointing out the flaws in the wood and assembly, exactly as he had at the store. Gage fell into the rhythm they’d established the first time, even pointing out a repair in the faded cushion that Christopher had missed. When Christopher praised him, Gage flushed and passed all the credit to his mother and her sewing. They finished the first two rooms in less than forty-five minutes. Christopher made one last note on his phone about a console from the forties that was too damaged to be worth the trouble, then slid it into his pocket. “Your turn,” he announced. “What jumped out at you from the catalog when you were looking through it?” “What jumped out at me? This guy loved his rock and roll. Look at this.” Gage flipped to the back of the catalogue. “An original 1960 Les Paul electric cutaway. And a Rickenbacker 12string. That’s the one George Harrison played. Not to mention the vinyl. He’s got first pressings of just about every important album ever made.” Christopher had forgotten about that section of the catalog, mostly because the items weren’t appropriate for the store. Seeing the excitement light up Gage’s face, though, was more than reason to seek them out now. “Then, let’s find where they’ve stashed the music room in this mausoleum.” Christopher knew he should have been paying attention to the other rooms they passed and the items in the corridors. But he couldn’t stop looking at Gage. No matter what treasures surrounded them at any given moment, Gage remained the center of his attention. Especially when they entered the music room, stepping out of Christopher’s domain and into Gage’s. 132


“Gosh, I’d love to have a room like this someday. Look at that turntable. And you see those speakers on the wall? He must have been an audiophile.” It was his turn to let Gage take the lead, following him around as he flitted from one item to the next. He asked questions when it seemed appropriate, but he was far more interested in listening to Gage. The cadences of his voice, as he jumped from awed to enthusiastic to critical at one point when he pointed out a guitar that was more novelty item than actual instrument, lulled Christopher into forgetting where he was or why they were there. All that mattered was Gage. Funny how it felt like that had been true from the moment they met. When they stopped at the record collection, Gage fell silent as he started to flip through it. Christopher absorbed every nuance of his profile, the small hairs tufting below his generous lower lip, the arc of his strong nose, thick lashes framing those amazing eyes. The urge to rest his hand in the small of Gage’s back was a powerful one, to claim ownership then and there. Would it be so bad? Yes, because Gage had chosen Bodie, and as much as Christopher wanted him, he knew tempting Gage was completely unfair. He slid his hand into his coat pocket instead, and dug his nails hard into his palm. “Anything interesting?” “This.” Gage reverently lifted a sealed album from the stack. “The first UK pressing for Dark Side of the Moon. It’s not the rarest thing here. It’s not even the most expensive. But it was always the record that I just knew I shouldn’t be listening to.” He smiled a little. “I like to think my dad snuck it into the house when he was a kid and listened to it when nobody else was around.” 133


“Done.” Christopher turned to the binder that sat next to the records and flipped through the pages until he found the card for the album. He extracted it from the plastic sleeve and slid it into his pocket. “I pay for straight purchases like this on the way out. You can either hang onto it, or put it back and they’ll get it when it’s paid for. Nobody else can snag it without the official card, but there’s always the risk it might get moved, or stolen.” “What are you…you can’t buy this for me. It’s hundreds of dollars.” “Consider it an early birthday gift.” Gage looked at Christopher with wide eyes, then back down to the record in his hand. “Thank you. That’s…nobody’s ever done anything like this for me before.” With a smile, Christopher dared to grasp Gage’s shoulder and give it a firm squeeze. “Then that’s their loss. Because it’s worth it, just to see that look on your face.” Gage reached up and covered Christopher’s hand, lightly holding his fingers and ensuring he couldn’t pull away. “Why do you do all these things for me? You’re generous with your time, and your store, and your money.” The touch wasn’t demanding, but the heat from Gage’s skin seared Christopher’s. “I told you,” he said, pitching his voice lower so nobody could overhear. “That look. Because nothing makes me happier than seeing you smile.” “There are less expensive ways to make me smile.” “Oh, there are the albums!” A man about Gage’s age with twotoned hair and a scarf wrapped around his throat hurried toward them. “Excuse me, some of us haven’t have a chance to see these yet.” Gage released Christopher and stepped to the side. “Oh, right. 134


Sorry.” They finished the tour without another comment about the record, though when it came time to pay for it, Christopher was all too aware of the looks Gage kept shooting in his direction. He managed to keep the topic under wraps even when they returned to the car, shifting the conversation toward their evening plans. “Any thoughts on where you want to go for dinner?” he asked. “I’m pretty beat. I was thinking room service and a movie on HBO or something.” “What happened to my concert?” “Come have dinner with me and I’ll perform for you after the movie.” Though he would have been more than happy to go out, the thought of getting to relax the rest of the night with Gage as company blew any other option out of the water. “You’re on, then.”

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CHAPTER 10 This time, Christopher showered. He countered how ridiculous he felt about it—this was not a date, and boy, was he glad Rev wasn’t around to laugh at his ass now—by pulling on the sweats he slept in and leaving his hair damp. Completely casual. He didn’t even bother with shoes as he stepped across the hall and knocked on the door. Gage didn’t answer immediately, and when the door finally opened, he wasn’t smiling. “Hey, come on in. I haven’t had the chance to call down and order anything yet.” He hadn’t changed his clothes yet, either. Christopher stopped at the edge of the bed and watched him rummage around on the desk for the room service menu. The pillows had been pulled out, squashed from being used, but his guitar still sat in its case. 136


“You all right?” “Yeah, I guess.” Gage sat down heavily in the desk chair. “It’s not a big deal. But I feel like we’ve had the same stupid conversation a hundred times.” “We?” “Me and Bodie. He just called.” Christopher glanced back at the nightstand. Now that he knew, he could see the phone was askew as well. Tamping down the momentary surge at hearing they’d had a fight, he sat on the edge of bed. Gage needed a friend right now. Christopher had no right being glad that Bodie was being an asshole. “What conversation is that?” “The one where he tells me that he doesn’t want me to be alone with you, and then makes me promise that I only want to be with him,” Gage said wearily. “No amount of reassurance is enough. He hates that I’m here right now. He doesn’t care that we have separate rooms. It’s exhausting. And I just hate that he makes me feel like this.” Christopher hated it, too. What he hated even more was seeing Gage so miserable. “If you want to go back to LA tonight, you can go. Sacramento has an airport. I’m sure we can find a flight.” “No, I don’t want to go back. Jeeze. I left Utah because I was tired of people telling me what to do every second of the day. I don’t need Bodie picking up where they left off.” “Did you tell him that? Maybe if he heard about it in context with what it was like for you before…” Was he really sitting here, giving Gage relationship advice? The world had officially tipped on its axis. Gage looked down, making a show of studying the menu he held on his lap. “I told him I didn’t want to talk about it anymore 137


and I hung up. Now he’s probably not going to want to talk to me at all and it’s going to be just like before.” “It won’t be like it was before.” He assumed Gage meant Utah. He hoped he did, at least. He actually had a response for that. “Because now you’re not alone. You’ve got friends here, and you’re getting into the community. So if Bodie wants to be an asshole about this, let him. You’re better off without that kind of drama.” “Yeah, friends. I’ve always had friends, Christopher. I didn’t leave my home and my family so I could go to LA and make more friends.” Gage slammed the book shut and jumped to his feet. “You don’t get it, do you? My brothers and friends all found girls and they’re getting married and starting families, and I don’t get to do that. I’m so tired of being alone. I don’t know. I guess I should be happy Bodie is all jealous. At least it means he wants me.” “You say that like nobody else could ever want you. Which is ridiculous.” “It doesn’t seem that ridiculous from where I’m standing.” “Why? You’re amazing, Gage. You’re funny, and gorgeous, and smarter than you give yourself credit for. And don’t forget your music. It’s only a matter of time before the right person hears how talented you are, and you leave Red Fin in the dust. Hell, I can’t stop listening, even when I know I’m going to hear you live. Look.” He pulled his phone out from his sweats pocket and brought up the recording of Gage’s set. In spite of all his good intentions, he’d never been able to bring himself to delete it. He let it play for a minute, then hit pause. “Stop being so hard on yourself. Bodie’s the first guy you’ve gone out with. I promise you, he is not going to be the last.” “If I’m so amazing, then why does the one guy I want keep me 138


at arm’s length? Look, just…does Bodie have any reason to be jealous? If the answer is no, I’ll call him right now, I’ll go home tonight. If he does…well, if he does, then I think I have the right to know.” This was the perfect time to lie, or try and explain away Bodie’s insecurities. The words poised on Christopher’s tongue, ready to push Gage away yet again, but then he caught sight of the pleading in Gage’s eyes, the defeat already lurking in their depths inspired by his confusion and frustration, and Christopher knew he’d never be able to do it. “Bodie’s jealous because he’s known me a lot longer than you have. He can read me a hell of a lot better than I would like.” He took a deep breath. “All I can say is, if I was in Bodie’s shoes, and you were mine, and I saw him having the same thoughts about you that I’ve been…I would’ve tied you to the bed to make sure you didn’t go anywhere with him.” Gage took a step closer. Then another. “What thoughts?” “The same thoughts I’ve always had. The ones that keep me awake at night because I can’t stop seeing you in my head. The ones that make me take on stupid bets because it kills me that I had this same chance Bodie has and I blew it.” Once the confessions started, he couldn’t get them to stop. “I couldn’t even risk getting a single room here, because I didn’t trust myself to keep my hands off you. Those kinds of thoughts.” Another tentative step toward Christopher. Now, their knees almost touched. “I was disappointed you got a separate room.” His blood pounded in his ears, tilting the room, heating the back of his neck. His favorite T-shirt now felt like it was strangling him, and every muscle in his body had gone rock hard, ready to snap at the slightest provocation. 139


“Am I really the one guy you want?” The hoarseness of his voice bugged him, but he needed Gage’s answer a lot more than he needed to clear his throat. Gage nodded. “Since the second I saw you sitting at the bar.” He didn’t even ask if that meant Bodie was out of the picture. He knew. Maybe he’d always known. It didn’t matter. He reached for Gage’s hip and tugged hard enough to pull him onto his lap, scooping his free hand around the back of Gage’s neck to angle their lips together. The contact was electric, and Gage opened to the kiss without hesitation. One arm snuck around Christopher’s shoulder, pulling him closer, while Gage cupped his face with his other hand. His cock was stiff and aching beneath the weight of Gage’s body, and even the loose sweats felt too tight. For the first time since walking out of Power, Christopher unleashed his desire for this man. He nibbled at the succulent lower lip that drove him crazy with want, letting the coarse hairs of Gage’s beard tickle across his tongue, and twisted his fingers in the soft hair until nobody would be able to release him. He leaned into Gage’s touch, absorbing every degree of heat while shivers chased their way across his exposed skin. He couldn’t breathe, but he decided breathing was optional anyway. It was far more important to make up for lost time and take what he’d wanted from the start. Gage reflected Christopher’s hunger back to him, responding to each hard kiss, his hand moving to cup the back of Christopher’s head. He kept grinding into Christopher’s throbbing erection. Christopher sought out Gage’s cock, massaging his length through the stiff material of his jeans. He knew he needed to get those clothes off Gage—couldn’t wait to see every inch of what he knew to be a magnificent body. But he couldn’t force his attention from 140


Gage’s mouth, from the warm breath fanning across his face, or the hungry little moans pulling him back for more. Dinner was forgotten. This was his feast. This was everything he’d wanted for the past two weeks, and more. The way Gage had held back the first time they’d kissed was completely gone, stripped away either by his experiences with Bodie or his desire for Christopher now. It didn’t matter which. What mattered was the fruition of everything Christopher had originally believed about Gage, how sensual he would be, how giving. Gage shifted on his lap, probably seeking a firmer connection to Christopher’s cock, but it succeeded in easing the tension on the fly of his jeans, making it easier for Christopher to pop the buttons. They both jumped when his fingertips brushed over Gage’s shaft, and Gage pulled back, panting, gazing at Christopher with such driven lust he wanted to devour him all over again. “We’ll do this at your speed,” Christopher managed to get out. “Anything you want.” “Let go for a minute.” Christopher didn’t want to, but he immediately complied. Gage stood and quickly shucked his clothes, tossing them aside with a playful smile before straddling Christopher’s lap again. Their mouths automatically came together, as though Gage had some sort of magnetic pull on him. Gage’s cock was trapped between their stomachs, and his hands pawed at Christopher’s shirt, dragging it up his back and over his head. “Just don’t stop,” Gage said against his lips. “That’s all I want.” He’d had the chance to appreciate the hard muscles of Gage’s upper body the day at the beach, but the feeling of the light fur scraping over his sensitive nipples surpassed any expectation he 141


might have had. Without their shirts to contain their body heat, the fire between them roared even hotter. Everywhere that Christopher touched—the strong bow of shoulder blades, the hard line of a slim hip—added more fuel, and yet, it was never enough. He could completely engulf Gage and still want more. The possibilities thrilled him to the core. Gripping the back of Gage’s head, Christopher forced him to remain still when he finally slid away from his mouth. He licked along the edge of his beard, smiling when Gage squirmed at the slight tickle. The line led him straight to Gage’s ear, and his teeth caught the tender lobe, biting down hard enough to draw a cry from Gage’s throat. “I can’t remember the last time I wanted someone as much as I want you,” Christopher murmured. “I would bet I probably never have.” Gage moaned, shifting his hips. Every small movement sent shockwaves through Christopher. “What do you want to do? Tell me.” “Everything. Anything.” Twisting his upper body, he pushed Gage to the bed, keeping a firm grip until Gage slid off his lap and stretched atop the blanket. Already, he missed the weight against his groin, but the prospect of everything he had in mind more than made up for it. He skimmed his free hand down Gage’s arm to find his wrist. Carefully, he bent Gage’s arm upward, not to pin him down, but rather to open him up and expose even more of his glorious skin to Christopher’s touch. Gage twitched at the first glide of Christopher’s fingertips, but when he bit into Gage’s ear again, Gage immediately stopped. “I’m going to make this so good for you…” His soft promise 142


drifted along Gage’s skin as he kissed a path downward. The moment he reached the hickey, though, he stopped, pulling back enough to glance at it before meeting Gage’s eyes. “And I’m going to make you forget how you ever got this.” The corner of Gage’s mouth lifted and he raised his head to kiss Christopher’s jaw and down the column of his throat. “I’ve already forgotten it’s there.” Christopher believed him. It was there in the brush of his lips across his shoulder, and the way he nuzzled into Christopher’s skin, like he couldn’t get enough of the smell. The muscles in Christopher’s biceps trembled, threatening to buckle and drop his weight on top of Gage. He compromised by bending his arm and bracing his weight on his forearms. With the distance between them nearly eliminated, it was much easier to return to his exploration, bypassing the hickey to taste the salt at the hollow of his throat. He took his time, lingering for long seconds on each patch of skin. This one tasted hot, the next rough. All of them responded to the merest flick of his tongue. He could dance over a spot so he barely felt it, or suck hard at the flesh until Gage arched beneath him. The moans remained the same, the fingers on the hand Christopher had placed out of his way still dug into Christopher’s side. Once, Gage started to slide his thumb beneath the waistband of the sweats. Christopher prompted him to stop, to wait until they were both shaking from the need, by pulling his mouth away until Gage got the hint. Gage moved his hand from the waistband to his back, and Christopher immediately returned to kissing Gage’s neck. The glide of Gage’s fingers up his spine elicited a shiver, and he felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end. Gage lifted his head, his 143


hot mouth seeking out any piece of skin he could reach. Christopher rocked forward, unconsciously thrusting his hips, and Gage’s moan deepened. The tip of his cock slid against Christopher’s stomach, smearing warm pre-come. He directed his kisses lower, covering Gage’s chest. The hair tickled his nose, but that only made him want to root even deeper in it, scenting out the skin beneath to lick and nibble, and he gradually shifted sideways, seeking out the coppery nipple hiding beneath the fur. When he flicked across the hard tip, Gage gasped. Christopher did it again, following it up with a lazy circle around it, and smiled to himself when Gage squirmed. “So what kind of hot spots do you have?” He glanced up through his lashes, a smile playing on his lips. “Or are you still discovering those?” Gage ran his fingers through Christopher’s hair. “Right now, everything feels like a hot spot. Oh…especially right there.” Christopher grinned to himself and ran his tongue over the nipple again. He remembered seeing Gage standing in the sun, skin glistening and covered in sand, and his mouth had watered for a taste. The more he teased the puckered skin, the more Gage twitched beneath his mouth. When the tip stood up straight against his lips, he shifted his attention to the other one, licking and nibbling in the same way. “I like knowing I get to find all these for myself.” As he lavished the tight flesh with his tongue, he skimmed his hand into the narrow space between their stomachs, running parallel with the throbbing shaft he desperately wanted to touch. Not yet, he had to remind himself. It would be better to wait. “I like thinking I get to keep them for myself, too.” 144


“Does that mean this isn’t going to be a one-night thing?” He paused, unable to breathe. “Only if that’s what you want. But it’s not what I want.” “The night’s still young, but so far I definitely don’t want this to be a one-night thing.” “I have to prove myself?” The air expelled from his lungs in a hot blast. “I can do that.” The fresh challenge invigorated his blood, and he dove back down to Gage’s nipple, catching the tip between his teeth and tugging. His mouth watered at the reaction he got. The moans alone made it all worth it. If he never got to come, it would still all be worth it. Because there was pleasure to be had in getting to consume Gage, as much as there was in being consumed. And if he did this right, he’d have a lot more nights to satisfy his own needs. Christopher slid a little farther down his body, drawing a line along Gage’s torso with his tongue. He still avoided touching Gage’s cock directly, though it dragged across his skin, spreading the clear fluid higher on Christopher’s chest. The closer he got to that hot flesh, the more he wanted it. The inside of his cheeks tingled and his jaw tensed, but he avoided the immediate temptation of closing his lips around Gage’s cock. Instead he licked the line of Gage’s hip, following the downward slope to the blondish patch of hair between his legs. “Spread,” he instructed quietly, thrilling when Gage obeyed without pause. The heavy balls sagged a little without the support of his thighs, but Christopher took care of that by catching them in his mouth, groaning at the first explosion of salty musk along his tongue. Gage whimpered at the first suck, and then whimpered again when Christopher increased the pressure. His tongue danced over 145


the soft hair before he ran the tip along the seam running down the middle of the sac. He wondered if Gage had ever experienced this before, if Bodie had ever taken the time to focus his attention away from Gage’s cock. Then realized the answer to that question didn’t matter. Not in the least. He ran his hands over Gage’s thighs, massaging the hard muscles with his thumbs. Every time his fingertips glanced over the more sensitive areas, Gage jerked like he had been shocked. The smell of his skin was completely inescapable. For Christopher, no other smell existed in the world—just the faint mingling of sweat and soap, salt and pre-come. Reluctantly, he moved on, whispering breath across the wet sac as he licked around the thick base of Gage’s cock. It rested heavily on Gage’s stomach, the muscles contracting to make it jerk whenever Christopher found a new place to taste. Without lifting his mouth away, Christopher looked up the length of Gage’s body to see the fine-spun strands of clear fluid connecting the tip of his cock to his torso, as well as the small pool that had already accumulated on his stomach. In that moment, he needed nothing more than to finally learn what he’d been missing. He chose a path that took him straight up the prominent ridge along the length of the shaft. At his side, Gage clutched at the blanket, groaning increasingly louder the closer Christopher got to the head. Just below the crown, Christopher veered left, encircling it with his tongue. One of the lines of pre-come caught on his cheek, and he paused to catch it with his thumb and bring it to his mouth. His moan of delight was inevitable. Gage jerked his hips, rocking against Christopher’s lips, automatically seeking the warmth of his mouth. Christopher 146


circled the head with his tongue again and again, licking the precome away. Gage reached for him, his fingertips tracing the side of Christopher’s face and over his ear. He looked up to see Gage staring at him with hooded eyes, watching every swipe and turn of his tongue. Christopher held his gaze and parted his lips to wrap around the crown. The taste he’d already had was just a tease. The lock of their eyes faltered when Christopher’s lashes fluttered, but he couldn’t hold it, not with such overwhelming sensations bursting along his tongue. The weight was more than he’d expected, the pre-come flowing more freely. At the back of his mind, he wondered if that meant Gage came a lot as well. He hoped so. He wasn’t normally one who really got off on come, but when it came to Gage, he wanted it all. Gripping him lightly at the base, Christopher concentrated on the head, sucking at the smooth skin, teasing the slit. Gage’s touch grew more erratic, as if he couldn’t decide where he wanted to settle. The catch of his calluses along Christopher’s neck sent an unexpected shudder through his body. God, there wasn’t any part of Gage that didn’t drive him insane with desire. Once he had his mouth around Gage’s cock, he didn’t want to hold himself back. He angled his neck and slid his mouth down to meet his fingers. Gage sucked his breath in sharply and froze, his body taut as Christopher held him in his mouth. He could feel Gage’s length twitching against the roof of his mouth, the blood throbbing close to the surface. He pulled back slowly, his hand following his lips until he was sucking lightly on Gage’s tip. “Please,” Gage moaned. “Christopher…please…” Christopher had never loved the sound of his own name so much. He swallowed Gage once again, shifting his weight on the 147


mattress to relieve the pressure on his trapped cock. The more he took into his mouth, the less he needed to use his hand. Maintaining the long, slow rhythm, Christopher loosened his grip, letting his fingertips angle down over Gage’s heavy balls. They were already getting tight, though he had no intention of letting Gage come any time soon, but they rolled perfectly along his palm. The sudden image of being on his knees, Gage pumping in and out of his mouth hard enough to make his sac slap against Christopher’s chin, elicited a throaty moan, first from Christopher, then from Gage when the vibrations shot through his shaft. Christopher stretched his fingers, sliding them along the tender skin behind Gage’s sac. He slipped his forefinger between Gage’s cheeks, seeking out his hole while he swallowed around his cock. He traced his finger around the pucker, surprised when Gage gasped and jerked off the mattress. Curious, he repeated the gesture, and Gage jumped again. He came off Gage’s cock slowly, reluctantly, and rested his cheek on Gage’s taut stomach to better gaze up at him. His finger never wavered from its spot, circling once again. “I love how responsive you are,” he murmured. “Maybe it’s because I’m not used to it.” Christopher frowned. “I’ve seen the hickeys. Don’t tell me all you’ve done is kiss Bodie.” “No, we did a bit more than kiss. But we basically kept to…the front half.” Though he didn’t pull away, Christopher did stop moving. He hadn’t expected that, for some reason. “Do you want me to stop?” “No…I didn’t say it was bad.” He felt a little guilty for what a relief that was to hear. Gage’s ass was a work of art. To ignore it during sex would be a complete 148


and utter waste, though he would have done it if Gage had told him to. Sitting up, Christopher repositioned himself between Gage’s legs, kneeling as he slid his hands down Gage’s thighs. “Do you trust me to make you feel even better than that, then?” he asked. “Yes. What are you going to do?” “Use my mouth.” Even now, it watered in anticipation. “But only if you’re okay with that.” Gage nodded and bent his knees. Christopher gently pushed Gage’s thighs, encouraging him to splay his legs. “I’m more than okay with that. I trust you, Christopher. I want what you want.” The earnestness of his voice dug its way into Christopher’s flesh, around his already pounding heart, and squeezed it tight, tight enough for him to gasp quietly for fresh breath. He wanted to climb back up Gage’s body and smother him in more kisses. Did he know what kind of a gift he was? No, which only made his trust all that more precious. Offering a half smile, Christopher bent his head and kissed a trail up the inside of the thigh, the hair tickling across his mouth. The scent grew richer as he approached, that musk he was already addicted to. He paused at the curve of the buttock, and switched from lips to teeth, nibbling at the succulent muscle. When Gage jumped, Christopher grasped his hips and held him still, using his thumbs to further spread the cheeks. There it was. The tight little ring, visibly clenching and unclenching in Gage’s nervousness. Tiny hairs curled in the crack, but Christopher was too focused on the hole to consider his lack of vanity. Slow. He had to be slow. Nothing to startle Gage. Nothing to ruin what he knew could be fantastic. So he started with what Gage already knew. This time, 149


however, instead of using his finger, he traced around the pucker with the tip of his tongue. “Oh…oh my…Christopher…that’s…no, don’t stop…” Christopher didn’t intend to stop. He moved his tongue in slow circles at first, then fluttered the tip rapidly across the clenched muscle. Gage’s thighs were tense at first, but the longer Christopher licked and teased him, the more he relaxed. When he dragged his tongue over the opening, Gage pushed against his tongue eagerly. Groaning, Christopher let his teeth scrape across the tender skin, and then soothed the sting with another slow lick. Christopher gently probed at the hole, pressing his tongue past the opening. Gage gasped, and Christopher pulled back, but when he felt fingers resting at the top of his head, he pushed into Gage’s channel once again. Nothing had ever felt so tight. Just the thought of those muscles squeezing around his cock was enough to make Christopher moan, and he pushed in deeper, craving Gage’s responses even more. His nose buried in Gage’s balls, until all he tasted and all he smelled— hell, his entire world—was this man’s body. He never wanted to leave. He would gladly stay like this all night if that was what Gage wanted. He fucked Gage slowly at first, able to control the rhythm because Gage didn’t resist him. But the pace couldn’t stay slow for long. Gage was too sensitive, too eager, and before long he was rocking, seeking Christopher’s mouth even when he pulled back. The fingers disappeared from the top of his head, and then he sensed, rather than saw, Gage began to stroke his cock. That was his sign if ever he saw one. Though he pulled his mouth away, he replaced it with his fingers, using the spit to ease pushing one inside. He could barely 150


think straight, but taking a deep breath helped. Seeing the lust on Gage’s face didn’t. “I want to fuck you.” He twisted his wrist and slipped in a second finger. The muscles contracted around them, and they both gasped. “Please, Gage.” Gage didn’t reply immediately, and Christopher tried to brace himself for a denial. But instead of resisting, he nodded his head. “Yes, please. I…I want you to.” Everything inside him leapt. He had to steel against yanking away, choosing instead slowly sliding his hand free, then even more slowly, crawling up the length of Gage’s body. Arms wrapped around his back as soon as he was within reach. Gage tilted his head up, but Christopher hovered above him, soaking in his breath for several seconds before finally taking the kiss they both wanted. “Take my sweats off,” Christopher said when they parted. “I need to feel you touch me.” Gage skimmed his palms down Christopher’s side until his fingers reached the waistband. He pushed the sweats off Christopher’s hips, and then used his feet to drag the material down Christopher’s legs. His cock slapped against his stomach, and Christopher couldn’t resist rolling his hips, dragging the length across Gage’s taut abdomen. Gage’s hands went to his ass, ten fingers pressing into the flesh, holding him closer as their mouths met again. As tempting as it was to reach for their cocks, he knew Gage wasn’t anywhere near ready to be penetrated. Devouring each other’s mouth was an excellent distraction for his hand, returning once again to the crack of Gage’s ass. He used the spit he’d left behind to carefully push his fingers back inside, working with the 151


automatic clenching to make it as painless as possible. Within a few strokes, though, he knew it wasn’t going to be enough. They’d need more lube. Which also meant they were going to need protection. He broke away, panting heavily. “I have to go back to my room and get the condom out of my wallet.” He swallowed against the tightness of his throat. Sometimes, being the responsible one sucked beyond all belief. “Or if you don’t want me to get up, we can wait and do this another time. I can jerk off after I blow you, or something like that.” “No, I have a few in my bag.” Gage lifted his head to kiss him, and Christopher could feel his smile. “I was a Boy Scout.” “Get one, while I figure something out for lube.” With one last kiss, Christopher climbed off, his cock bobbing in front of him as he went into the bathroom. He would much rather not use the hand lotion, but given his options—and Gage’s eagerness—he’d take what he could get. And make sure he always had condoms and lube any time he and Gage were alone again. Gage was already back in bed when he returned, the wrapped condom resting on his chest, a ready smile on his gorgeous face. Christopher’s heart skipped a beat at the sight of him, but he covered it by crawling up to kneel between his legs. “I’m going to take some more time stretching you out first.” He laughed when Gage grabbed his knees and pulled them back to expose his waiting hole. “Then, I’d like you to put the condom on me.” It was too tempting to bury his tongue in Gage’s body once again, and he dipped his head to lick around the hole until he felt Gage began to relax. With that, he inserted one finger slowly, still using his tongue to distract Gage’s attention, licking at the muscle 152


where it met his finger. He slid his finger in and out, letting Gage become accustomed to that pressure before adding a second finger. Gage moaned and twisted his hips, but didn’t pull away from the intrusion. Christopher felt each passing second with the throbbing of his cock, but ignored the desire eating away at him. He needed to concentrate on Gage. With another partner, he might have stopped once he added his ring finger. He pumped his wrist, stretching the muscle more with each thrust forward. He watched Gage’s face, looking for any sign of discomfort. He tensed with each addition, but within seconds the frown between his brows smoothed over and his mouth relaxed. Whenever his fingers or the muscle started to dry, Christopher licked even more, keeping it as smooth and wet as he possibly could. It reached the point, however, where he didn’t think he could take it anymore. He needed to get inside of Gage. Every push had another squeeze around his fingers, and all he could think about was how good it would feel around his cock. Carefully, he climbed over Gage’s leg to kneel at his side, his fingers still working at the hole. He plucked the condom away from Gage’s chest and tore it open with his teeth. “Here.” He held it out, dropping the wrapper to the blanket. “Put it on.” Gage lifted himself up on one elbow and placed the condom over the tip of Christopher’s cock. His fingers were warm and slick, the calluses rough against his sensitive skin. Christopher caught his breath and tried to concentrate on anything else besides the light pressure and rough texture of Gage’s fingers. Gage carefully unrolled the condom down his shaft and then kissed the sheathed tip. Even through the barrier, he could feel Gage’s hot breath. 153


“Ready.” Christopher knew from experience it would be easier for Gage if he was on his hands and knees. The angle was better that way, and it would hurt less upon entry. But he also believed with all his heart that Gage needed to see him while they did this, that being able to kiss Gage on those first few strokes would soothe some of the discomfort away. Christopher needed it, too. He wasn’t sure why. He didn’t care. Catching the back of Gage’s neck, Christopher leaned down and sealed their mouths together as he gently pushed Gage back onto the bed. He withdrew his buried fingers, and resettled between Gage’s legs, the other man’s pre-come smearing across his skin. His hand shook a little as he caught the base of his cock and angled it downward, but Gage’s were surprisingly firm where they held onto Christopher’s back. When the tip rested at Gage’s opening, Christopher broke the kiss. His nerves were leaping out of his control. Part of him feared slamming into Gage on the first thrust. But meeting Gage’s eyes helped orient him, reminding him exactly why he was doing this and how fantastic it was going to be. He pushed and met resistance. Making sure he was perfectly lined up, he pushed again, and this time, the flesh gave way. Not much, not nearly enough, and a shadow of a frown began to pull Gage’s brows together, so Christopher stopped and held his breath, waiting for the discomfort to pass. Gage’s body seemed to send him dozens of subtle signals when he was ready for Christopher to move again—the frown disappeared, his eyes softened, his hips nudged forward, his hands pressed harder into Christopher’s back. With his grip still tight on the base of his shaft, he pushed again, not stopping until he felt 154


Gage’s ass completely enclose the blunt head. “Oh my…my God…” Gage gasped. “No, don’t stop…it’s okay…” Christopher swallowed the assurance with a kiss. Sweat already beaded the back of his neck. That was how tightly he held onto his control. When he pushed forward this time, he monitored his tempo on the tremor in Gage’s lips, slowing when it threatened to disrupt their kisses, quickening when Gage attacked him for more. He had no idea how long it took to sheathe himself in the tight, pulsing channel. He only knew nothing could possibly compare to how electrifying it felt. Gage pulled away from the kiss and gasped for breath even as he wrapped his legs around Christopher’s hips. Nails dug into his back, and he felt Gage’s cock twitching where it was trapped against his stomach. Experimentally, he rolled his hips, and Gage tightened around him, holding him closer, his back arching from the bed. He pulled back slightly and rocked forward, keeping the stroke shallow so he wouldn’t lose the heat or pressure around his shaft. “How’re you doing?” he managed to get out. He searched Gage’s eyes for anything, pain, desire, something that would give him a clue. In his state of arousal, though, it was hard to concentrate on anything. “You okay to take this to the next level?” “Yes…yes…I…God, I want more.” With Gage’s fevered encouragement looping through his mind, he pulled back until only the tip of his cock remained in Gage’s channel, then slowly thrust forward. Gage moaned, his eyes fluttering shut. Quaking with excitement, Christopher repeated the action again and again, as slowly as before. Until Gage finally whispered, “Faster.” 155


Nothing had ever sounded so good. Seeking out Gage’s hand, Christopher entwined their fingers so he could better brace against both the bed and Gage’s body, then peeled away, finding the angle he needed to quicken his pace. The first stroke nearly did him in. Friction beyond what he’d imagined sent fire shooting up his spine, and his own ass clenched as he withdrew to do it again. He cried out on the second stroke. Gage might have made a sound, too, but it was lost in the roaring in Christopher’s ears. A part of him was disappointed that it wouldn’t—couldn’t— last longer. He was a mere mortal, already on edge, and Gage’s body felt better than anything he had ever experienced. Every point of contact was exquisite, every breath and sound perfect, and every clench of Gage’s muscles around his cock divine. If he’d had the control, he would have set a slow, more deliberate rhythm. But he didn’t have that control. Every consideration except his lust was being stripped away, until there was nothing left but the swift, desperate thrusts into Gage’s welcoming body. He fumbled when he reached for Gage’s cock, his nails scratching across Gage’s skin as he sought the hard shaft. Gage hissed when he found it, arching up to meet Christopher’s pull. More than enough pre-come made it easy to strip his cock at the same rhythm Christopher ploughed into his ass. The heavy throb of the vein against his palm made his own balls tight. “Christopher…I’m so…” The words broke off suddenly and Gage buried his face in the crook of Christopher’s neck, muffling his shout. Warm come flowed down Christopher’s knuckles and coated his skin. Gage’s entire body tensed, his ass flexing with every jerk of his cock in Christopher’s tight grip. The muffled shout turned into hard kisses as Gage’s body shuddered through the aftershocks of his orgasm, each one echoing into Christopher’s 156


body, until he was shaking as well. Too much. The heat, the pressure, the fervent mouth scorching every inch of his skin it could reach. The smell of Gage’s come and sweat filled his nose, and he couldn’t even breathe, let alone stop the impending explosion. He slammed into Gage’s ass one final time. His orgasm ripped through him, starting in his balls and radiating outward, spiraling beyond any kind of control. His head fell back, and he clamped his eyes shut to stop the room whirling around him. Gage sucked at his neck, then dragged teeth down Christopher’s damp chest to bite at his nipple. More fire lanced into every body part he owned. His cock jerked within the tight passage, and again, and then yet again. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d come this hard. Every pentup moment of fantasizing about Gage’s body, every secret wish he’d made to be in Bodie’s place erupted with this single orgasm. “Gage…” Somehow, he found the breath to speak, even if it was only one word. Gage drew back, but Christopher didn’t give him time to answer. He fused their mouths together, drinking him in one more time before his muscles collapsed. “That was totally…totally…worth the wait,” Gage said with a sigh. Christopher couldn’t help a smile. “Yeah. It really was.”

157


CHAPTER 11 It’d be kinder to do it quickly, like ripping away a Band-Aid. That’s what Christopher had told him, and Gage believed him. The wisdom of that was self-evident, and Gage was definitely interested in making the encounter as painless as possible. It wasn’t even the most difficult thing he’d ever had to do. If he could tell his parents that he was gay, drop out of BYU, and take what was left of his mission and college fund to live in Los Angeles, then he could tell Bodie they were finished. And there was a significantly smaller chance of tears, threats, prayers, and general hysterics in this conversation. Which didn’t mean it would be pleasant, but still, Gage could take what he could get. Bodie had insisted on making a date for the night he returned from Sacramento. Gage had happily agreed to it, eager to soothe 158


Bodie’s jealousy, and he knew the other man had fantasies of reasserting his claim over Gage’s body. Gage could see that very intention on Bodie’s face when he answered the knock on the door, and he held up a hand to gently fend off the impending kiss. “Hey, right on time,” Gage greeted lamely, looking away to avoid any eye contact. Bodie followed him inside, but his smile was already fading. “You think I’d miss the old man finally letting you go? Not on your life.” “Yeah, right.” Gage took a deep breath and rubbed his clammy palms down the front of his shirt. When he closed his eyes, he didn’t see Bodie’s fading smile. He saw his mother’s stricken face and the rising red anger on his father’s cheeks. It’s not the same. It’s not the same. Just relax. But despite his reassurances, it began exactly the same. “I’m sorry.” “Sorry? For what?” Though Bodie’s eyes locked on his, their wary darkening made Gage’s stomach churn. “What’s going on, Gage?” “I’m sorry because I wasn’t completely honest with you. So I’m going to be completely honest with you now, and if you never even want to talk to me again, I understand. Christopher and I…slept together in Sacramento.” Bodie stared at him for interminable seconds, his jaw tight, his lips tighter. The silence so closely resembled his parents’, Gage had to fight the instinct to take it all back. “Before or after I called you?” “After.” “So telling me you only wanted to be with me was a lie.” “Yes and no. I’m sorry, Bodie, I really am. But when you came home with me the night we met, I wasn’t looking for…I mean, I 159


thought we both wanted the same thing.” “We did. We both got it, too.” Gage closed his eyes and tried to focus. His stomach was jittering and dancing now, and he could feel his blood pressure rising. It was a tension in his neck, a weight behind his eyes, a dry, bitter taste in his mouth. “You’re right, we did. But you’ve had a lot of practice at all this, Bodie. I’ve been doing this for two weeks. I’m still trying to find my footing. I’ll make mistakes.” “You think I give a fuck about mistakes? That’s nothing new. We all make them. All of us, except Mr. Perfect, of course. But he’s not. No matter how badly you want him to be.” With a snort of disgust, Bodie finally stepped back, angling toward the door. “I knew you going to work for him was a mistake. He didn’t want you until somebody else had you.” The casually flung barb found its target, and Gage felt a twinge in his chest. “That’s not true.” “And he didn’t leave you high and dry that night at Power? You might not have that much practice, but you’re not stupid. Think about it for two seconds. And try not to think with your dick.” Gage didn’t have an answer. He couldn’t make Christopher’s actions make sense, even though he desperately wanted to. “Maybe I can’t help it. Every time I see him, I want him. Every flipping time. And I thought as long we were together, I’d be able to resist it. I really did, Bodie, I promise. I never intentionally lied to you.” “Gee, that makes me feel so much better.” He reached for the door, but his hand paused on the doorknob. “Just out of curiosity, did you tell him I called?” “Yeah. What difference does that make?” 160


“And I’ll bet my left nut that was when you had sex.” Shaking his head, he yanked the door open. “Do the math, Gage. And don’t bother calling me when you figure out the answer.” Without a backward glance, he walked out, slamming the door behind him. The phone began ringing while the walls were still shaking from the force of Bodie’s anger. Gage knew it was Christopher. It couldn’t be anybody else. Christopher had known what time Gage expected Bodie. But he couldn’t bring himself to answer it. He was too busy replaying the previous two weeks, paying special attention to the conversations they had about Bodie. Now one thing stood out with special emphasis—Christopher really didn’t seem to like Bodie. By the time the phone stopped ringing, Gage was filling a Starbucks cup with water. He downed it quickly, trying to wet his lips and throat without letting the mineral taste linger on his tongue. Christopher had always been difficult to understand and maybe that had been part of his attraction. But it also meant there was a lot of room for misunderstanding. That same sort of misunderstanding had never been possible with Bodie, because Bodie always told him exactly what he wanted. Gage looked at the closed door, wondering if he had let the wrong man go. Wondering if he should have tried harder to keep his promise and resist Christopher. But Christopher had made it so difficult. After keeping him at arm’s length for so long, he suddenly shifted gears. The special care he had given Gage’s wound, the kiss he had allowed, then the invitation to accompany him to Sacramento. Yes, it was a business trip, but Christopher wasn’t a fool. Had the trip gone exactly to Christopher’s plan? He shook his head, as if he could dislodge the treacherous 161


thoughts. He didn’t want to let Bodie’s accusations poison everything, but they made a certain, horrible sense. And when it came to Christopher, so few things did. Ten minutes later, the phone rang again. Gage ignored it, grabbing a pillow to hold over his head until it stopped. His nerves were shot when the apartment fell silent, but as he reached for his guitar, desperate for something to take his mind off all the impossible questions, the phone beeped that he had voice mail. His pulse thudded in his throat, choking off air. He would listen to the message, just to make sure, then turn off the phone. Then, tomorrow, he’d tell Christopher his date had run long, because he’d been working up the nerve to tell Bodie. Yeah, that was a plan. Not a good one, but a plan nonetheless. “Hi, Gage. Um…I guess we should’ve charged your phone on the drive home, huh? Oh, well. I’ve learned my lesson. Listen, I’m home if you need to talk, or if you need a change of scenery, you can come on over. Or if you want to go out, we can do that. I just…well, I’m here. For whatever you want. Call me when you get the chance.” He erased the message and held his phone loosely, studying it like it had any answers to give him. He found Christopher’s number in his contact, then reconsidered and backed out of the information. There could have been a very good explanation for all of Christopher’s behavior. Didn’t he owe it to Christopher to give him a chance to explain before immediately jumping to conclusions? Taking a deep breath, he dialed the number again. Christopher answered on the second ring. “Hey.” He sounded relieved, though Gage wasn’t sure he could judge anything about Christopher anymore. “I wasn’t sure if I’d 162


hear from you tonight.” “Yeah, Bodie just left.” “How did it go?” “He was angry, like I expected. But not really surprised.” “And how are you? Are you all right?” “I don’t know. I thought the confrontation would be the worst of it. But Bodie didn’t really want to fight with me. He just…well, he made some really good points before he left.” Christopher paused. “What did he say that’s bothering you?” “What’s the difference between now and two weeks ago?” “What do you mean? The difference in what?” “You and me. Two weeks ago, you couldn’t get out of here fast enough. Last night, you were acting like you were making up for lost time.” A soft sigh filled the line. “Because I was. I told you I knew I’d blown my chance with you.” Gage swallowed hard and hoped his voice stayed even. “Or the difference is that I was available two weeks ago and last night I wasn’t.” “What?” Christopher’s voice sharpened. “That’s ridiculous. Did Bodie tell you that?” “Yeah, he pointed it out. And I couldn’t even tell him he was wrong. It’s not like you ever told me the real reason you left.” “Yes, I did. I didn’t know I was your first.” “So, if I never have sex with anybody, I’m off-limits. But if I suck somebody else off for about a week, then I’m fair game? That’s not actually an argument against what Bodie said.” “You know what is, though? If I only wanted you if you’re unavailable, I would never have encouraged breaking it off with Bodie. And I wouldn’t be dreading how we’re going to resolve you 163


working for me if we’re dating. Not to mention I wouldn’t have had to put up with listening to Rev say I told you so for half an hour tonight.” Gage felt like he was beating his head against a brick wall. No matter how much Christopher spoke, he never actually said the one thing Gage wanted to hear. “I just wish you’d explain it. That’s all. Maybe I should let it go, but I can’t. You really hurt me. Do you know that? And then you want me again like it wasn’t a big deal. And you won’t even tell me why.” “You make it sound like I didn’t want you, then. That’s not true. Walking away that night was harder than you can even imagine.” “So why did you do it? Is it like the rides at the fair where you need to be at least three feet tall? Did I need to practice my technique?” “No. God, no. I felt like I was taking advantage, Gage. I told you that. But that’s because I didn’t know you well enough, then. I didn’t know everything you’d done, how centered you were.” “I guess I’m not feeling very centered right now.” “So what can I do to help? Can I come over?” Gage took a deep breath as he debated his answer. “Not tonight. I just feel like being alone.” “Oh. Okay.” Christopher sounded as disappointed as Gage felt, especially when he sighed. “I know it’s probably not going to help you, but last night was better than anything I could have ever imagined. Until I woke up today, and you were still there, and we got to spend the day together again. I’m sorry what Bodie said bothered you, and I’m even more sorry I can’t make it easier for you. But if you need me for anything, all you have to do is call, okay? Good night, Gage.” 164


Then, he hung up. Gage kept the phone clenched in his hand and looked around the small apartment that seemed to be shrinking by the second. The walls were closing in. Without Bodie or Christopher, he didn’t have anybody else to call. No other friends who could distract him. He couldn’t stay there all night, alone, with nothing between him and his thoughts. He’d go to the Red Fin. Julio’s wife, Mary, always wanted to stuff him with food, like he was her own son. At least if he was going to be confused, he wouldn’t have to go hungry. *

*

*

To say he was disappointed was an understatement. When he’d called Gage, Christopher had expected him to be down—breaking up with someone was never easy—but he’d never anticipated this lack of faith. Maybe he should’ve known Bodie would twist everything to fit his warped sense of the world, but he’d been flying too high to give the other man more than a passing thought. All his focus had been on Gage, like it had been from the start. Now, it looked like it was over before it had even started. There were no words to describe how incredible the sex had been. Gage had fallen asleep, spooned against his side, and Christopher had finally drifted off when exhaustion won. He hadn’t been able to stop caressing Gage’s back, or kissing his temple, or burying his nose in his hair. He’d even debated waking Gage back up for a second round, but ultimately decided that was being too selfish. But today had been even better. Gage had been more relaxed around him than he’d ever been before, affectionate and smiling, 165


blushing every time Christopher touched him, casually or otherwise. They’d focused on the auction when the time came, but for the entire ride home, there had been conversation about everything else. This was how Christopher had always imagined a relationship to be. More. Gage had always been more. The urge to call Bodie and chew him out almost had him calling Rev for the number. The problem with that was then he’d have to explain why, and one chat with Rev was all he needed tonight. Instead, he pulled out the folder of receipts from their time in Sacramento and started organizing them. The third one in the stack sent his stomach through the floor. They’d found it in the corner of a forgotten cabinet, and Gage’s face had lit up at the sight of the curved black horn. A hunting antique seemed like the last thing to interest him, but then he’d explained how his younger brother, Ben, was quite the aficionado. “He knows as much about guns as I do about guitars,” he’d said. Christopher didn’t understand gun cultures, but he did recognize excitement when he saw it. When the horn had come up for auction, he’d bid on it, much to Gage’s surprise. Then, when he won, he smiled and said, “Get it shipped directly to him. It’ll get there faster.” Gage’s delight made it worth it. Gage’s kisses five minutes later when he pulled Christopher into the bathroom had him wondering how else he could sweep this beguiling young man off his feet. He was still staring at the receipt when his phone rang. His heart lurched as he snatched it up. Gage had changed his mind. Except the number on the screen wasn’t one he recognized. “Is this Christopher?” a vaguely familiar voice asked before he 166


could even say hello. “This is Julio at the Red Fin. I think I have something of yours here.” Christopher wracked his brain, trying to figure out what he might have left behind the last time he’d been there. “What is it? Are you sure it’s mine?” “Fairly sure, but to be honest, he’s not really making sense right now. Do you know why Gage would be slumped over my bar, totally shitfaced, and muttering your name?” There were too many parts of that question to parse. It was easier to grab his keys and start moving. “Gage is drinking? Gage never drinks.” “Yeah, I know, but I’ve got a new bartender in tonight, and she doesn’t know him. She didn’t think anything of it when he ordered a few beers, and figured it was his head when he announced he wanted to try tequila.” Fuck. “Can you keep him there until I arrive? I don’t want him trying to walk home.” “I don’t want him walking home, either. That’s why I coaxed him into giving me your number.” The relief flooding through him nearly made him stumble. If Gage had given his phone number, perhaps things weren’t as dire as he’d thought. “I’m on my way.” Any ennui he’d had from driving twelve hours in the past two days disappeared in the face of getting to Gage as fast as possible. He sped through the streets, cutting off more than one person, and arrived at the Red Fin with his heart pounding. Gage was at the bar, exactly as Julio had said, but he didn’t exactly look unhappy. He was holding an empty shot glass, gesturing broadly with it while he talked to a bartender Christopher didn’t recognize. He couldn’t make out the words, and he would 167


guess nobody else could either. The words were loud, but slurred together, and punctuated with long silences as he paused to gather his thoughts. As Christopher approached the bar, he expected Gage to notice. But Gage didn’t even look up until Christopher had practically sidled up next to him. When Gage saw him, his face broke into a wide smile. “I was just talking about you! Well, not right now. I was talking about how country music has gotten to be shit in the past decade. This is Rosemary. She told me about the good stuff. Rosemary, this is Christopher.” He didn’t look away from Christopher as he spoke, his smile lopsided. Shooting a quick greeting at Rosemary, Christopher dropped a careful hand to the small of Gage’s back, angling his body to give them a shade more privacy from the rest of the room. “I didn’t know you were planning on going out tonight.” He deliberately avoided the use of the word alone. He didn’t need Gage to reject him in person, even if he looked at Christopher with such enthusiasm at the moment. The smile faltered but didn’t completely disappear. “I needed to get out. I get claustrophobic in that room. What are you doing here? Did you come in for a drink?” “This place always makes me think of you.” Which was both true, and sidestepped the question of his obvious arrival. Hopefully. Gage leaned so far forward he would have tumbled off the stool if Christopher hadn’t grabbed his shoulder. “You’re thinking about me?” “Of course.” He bent his head and brushed his mouth over Gage’s ear. Alcohol clung to Gage in a cloud, but beneath it all 168


was the scent Christopher always craved. “Why don’t we take this someplace more private, okay? Like your place?” Gage pulled back, his mouth now pulled into a serious frown. “I haven’t got any tequila at my place.” “Tequila’s overrated. Trust me. Your head will thank me in the morning.” “Shit. You’re right. I’m going to be hung over. I don’t have anything the movies say you should have for that. Will I need coffee?” “Water’s the best thing for you right now.” He gestured for Rosemary to get him a glass. “Alcohol dehydrates you. A lot of the hangover symptoms are because you’re dehydrated.” “Why don’t you have a drink? Then we’ll be even.” “Because one of us needs to make sure you end up in a bed that won’t get you arrested in the morning.” “Oh, right. I don’t think I’m that drunk.” He put his face in Christopher’s, like he was moving in for a kiss. “Do you think I’m that drunk? It was just a few shots.” Christopher caught the back of his neck and kept him from swaying. “Your body isn’t used to it. It doesn’t take much.” Gage braced himself on Christopher’s shoulders and bent his head to nuzzle Christopher’s throat. “I love how you smell. I do. Like lemons and books.” “Hey,” Julio said, “get him out of here, huh?” “He’s right,” Gage muttered. “You should get me out of here. Let’s go back to my place like you said.” Nothing had ever sounded better, and he slipped an easy arm around the back of Gage’s waist to guide him toward the door. Gage nestled into his side, his hand wandering across Christopher’s stomach and chest, unable to find a spot to roost. It 169


didn’t tickle, but it did blaze a trail of heat everywhere he left behind, leaving Christopher with an uncomfortable erection where his cock was trapped against his thigh. When they stepped out into the brisk, clear night, he debated a moment about what to do. The car would be faster and save him a trip of walking back when—if—Gage kicked him out, but the fresh air would help clear Gage’s head. He opted for the latter. Gage was the important factor here, not his own comfort. “It’s awful stuff. It tastes terrible. But it’s nice, too. It makes everything seem very far away until it doesn’t matter anymore.” “It does,” Christopher agreed. “Do I want to know why you felt the need to try it out tonight?” “You. Bodie. I’ve sinned. The apartment was getting smaller and smaller until I couldn’t breathe. I always feel like things are closing in around me. Do you ever feel like that? Until there’s just nowhere else to go and you’re stuck.” “More often than you’d probably believe.” When Gage stumbled across a crack in the sidewalk, Christopher tightened his hold around his waist, pulling him straight. “Why do you feel stuck here? You’ve got everything opening up for you right now.” “I don’t feel stuck here. I don’t know, it’s hard to explain. It’s hard to understand. I don’t understand anything about anybody and I feel like we’ve been walking forever.” “Only another block and a half to go.” He wasn’t sure what he could say to Gage to make things easier for him. It felt like it had been lifetimes since he’d been as innocent to the world as Gage often was. But that innocence, combined with his bravery, was what had drawn Christopher to him in the first place. He wondered if he should tell Gage that. “Oh, well, that’s good. I can walk another block and a half. I 170


used to be on the track and field team. Did I ever tell you that? I had scholarship offers from schools like Stanford and UCLA. But they wouldn’t defer it, and I had to go on my mission.” “No, you never told me.” That explained his fitness, as well as his cute ass. Christopher shoved aside thoughts of Gage’s body, thoughts that were doing nothing to alleviate his arousal, and focused back on the tidbits Gage had offered about his past. “You turned down offers from schools as great as those because of this mission thing? Isn’t your future important enough to take precedence?” “My future? Who cared about that? What’s a future compared to my immortal soul? Can’t go to heaven if you don’t go on your mission. When you think of it that way, all the missed opportunities don’t seem that important.” Christopher bit back his first response. This wasn’t a theological debate. Neither one of them would change each other’s minds, anyway. “I care about your future,” he said, concentrating on that part instead. “Though it’s better for me you didn’t go. I probably wouldn’t have met you then.” “Better for you? You’d be fine if you never met me, with your store, and your life, and everything. I just cause you problems.” “No, you don’t. I don’t even know why you think that.” “Because I feel guilty.” They were approaching Gage’s building. The fresh air hadn’t seem to do anything for him except turn his thoughts inward, and while Christopher would love to know about the inner workings of his mind, he didn’t want to drive Gage back to the mood that had prompted his binge in the first place. “You haven’t done anything to me to feel guilty about.” He held out his hand. “Give me your keys. I’ll let us in.” 171


“Yes, I have,” Gage said, obediently handing over his key ring. “I have, I’ve sinned. And I’m scared. And I’m tired of being scared.” Christopher remained silent until they were both inside Gage’s dark apartment. Gage’s confession was dangerous territory. Wasn’t this part of why he’d tried to push him away from the start? One wrong step, and people got hurt. Those who were scared often became reckless, taking chances they might not normally, bearing the repercussions because there was no other alternative. You couldn’t erase mistakes. You couldn’t take back decisions. Forward was the only option. He wasn’t sure where the light switch was, and Gage made no move to reach for it. Sliding the keys into his pocket, he smoothed his hand up to Gage’s shoulder, then pulled him in for a brief hug. “Can I stay?” Though he tried to keep his voice low, it still echoed in the darkness. “Yes, if you want to.” It wasn’t until his muscles sagged that he realized how afraid he’d been Gage was going to send him away again. Turning his head, Christopher brushed a kiss across the top of his head, then pulled back and caught Gage’s hand. “Where’s the light? I’d prefer getting us to your bed or your couch without breaking anything.” Gage moved, leaning to his left, and then everything was bathed in light. His eyes were red, and his mouth was only a few inches from Christopher’s. “You didn’t have to ask. I wouldn’t have made you go.” “I did. You didn’t want me around earlier.” He wanted to kiss him desperately, but first he had to get some water in Gage before he passed out. His hangover was already likely to be bad. 172


Christopher didn’t have to make it any worse. Brushing a thumb over Gage’s lower lip, he smiled and nodded toward the couch. “Sit down. I’ll be right back.” Like with the keys, Gage complied, swaying slightly as he fell back onto the cushions. Christopher went into the kitchen, and, after a quick perusal of the refrigerator’s contents, filled a glass from the tap. “Here,” he said when he returned. He sat down next to Gage and pressed it into his hand. “Drink this.” Gage accepted the glass and drank the water without comment. Christopher took it from his fingers before he could drop it, and studied Gage’s face, trying to read what was going on behind his eyes. “I’m sorry for making you drive all the way across town to pick me up.” “I’m not.” “You must be used to this sort of thing. People calling you in the middle of the night.” Christopher smiled. “Only Rev has the nerve to wake me up in the middle of the night. But don’t worry. I wasn’t asleep or anything. I was just going over the receipts from the estate sale.” “I didn’t know he was going to call you. I wasn’t going to call you though I wanted to. I wanted to try to explain about Bodie, but I couldn’t think of the right thing to say. It’s all…jumbled together in my brain. Everything.” Gage rested his elbows on his knees and held his head between his hands. “I don’t know how to straighten it out.” His hand went to Gage’s back automatically, massaging along the top of his spine. In spite of being drunk, knots upon knots had formed there, bunched together beneath the skin. 173


“Start with just one thing, and tell me what that is. Maybe we can unravel it from there.” Gage didn’t respond immediately. He stared at the floor, consumed by his own thoughts. Christopher didn’t let that deter him. He continued to massage Gage’s back, patiently working out each knot and waiting for Gage to speak. “When I knew I needed to talk to Bodie, all I could think about was my parents. When I…I knew I needed to tell them the truth because it was the right thing to do. Because they had raised me to be honest. And I wanted them to just…accept me. They never could without conditions. Never. Why did they have to make it conditional?” “I don’t know.” He hated feeling so helpless. Gage was asking questions he’d long ago given up finding answers for. “I might understand more about my own parents if I did. But doesn’t a lot of their reaction have to do with your religion? If they’ve been told all their life people are supposed to be a specific way, then somebody tries to tell them they’re not, it probably messed with their heads too much to react well.” “Yeah, right. Religion. You know, they say that the family is at the center of the church. The most important thing. But when I really, really needed them, they turned their back on me. The one time in my life I really needed their support and they…they told me not to come back. If you can’t trust your family, who can you trust? How do you know it’s not going to happen sooner or later with everybody?” Christopher’s throat went tight, tight enough that his lungs refused to work. He didn’t get triggered very often anymore. Time had worked wonders in that regard. But this entire night had been one long reminder of everything he’d tried to get past, culminating 174


in Gage’s fears about trust. He suspected if Julio hadn’t called him, he could very well have lost Gage before he even got him, because Christopher’s actions over the past couple weeks had only contributed to his confusion, confusion he was already having trouble processing. Christopher had been hurt by Gage’s distrust, but he couldn’t blame him. Not really. Gage didn’t know the whole picture. “I wish I could say you don’t have to worry about that.” He had to struggle with his breath to keep his voice even. “But some people are always going to disappoint you, and hurt you, no matter how much you might love them.” “So why bother with anybody? Maybe I shouldn’t be so frightened of being alone. Maybe I should just embrace it now. Then I won’t have to worry about disappointing them, either.” “No.” His hand stopped at the back of Gage’s neck, firm enough for Gage to glance up at him. “No. I said some people. I don’t think you could ever be that person.” “You don’t know that. I’ve certainly disappointed my family.” “Because they can’t get past their religion to see the amazing young man they raised. That’s a different kind of disappointment. You can’t do anything about that except hope that someday they decide to open their eyes.” Gage sighed and leaned over to rest his head on Christopher’s shoulder. “I don’t think they will. I try not to dwell on it, you know? I don’t want to bring everybody down. I just want to play my music and earn my keep. But the only time I don’t feel like somebody has ripped a part of me out is when I’m with you.” Christopher curled his arm around Gage, pulling him even closer. He was gratified when Gage snuggled into him, though he knew the closeness didn’t really solve any of the problems, but he 175


was even more overwhelmed by the swell of emotion Gage’s final words had elicited in him. “Nothing makes me happier than hearing you say that,” he murmured. “But I wish I hadn’t hurt you tonight to start all this. The last thing I ever wanted was to hurt you.” “No…you didn’t hurt me. I was just spooked, I guess. I couldn’t stand the thought of Bodie being right.” “He’s not. But I know you don’t really believe that.” Sighing, Christopher closed his eyes and tried not to hear Gage’s voice as it had been on the phone. “Rev’s the only one who would know Bodie’s full of shit. But that’s because he’s the only one in my life right now I ever told.” “What do you mean? Told him about what?” “About the first guy I fell in love with after I came out. The reason why I walked out of here the night we met.” Gage lifted his head to study Christopher’s face. “What’s the connection?” Though he’d been telling the truth about Rev, the only person he’d ever trusted enough to talk to this about, he suddenly realized he had no qualms sharing the story with Gage. If it helped make him understand, it was worth it. He trusted Gage to do what he had to with the information. “When I came out, my parents didn’t understand. They didn’t kick me out the way yours did, but they pretty much cut off all communications. Being out when I tried to see them. Not calling me back. That kind of thing. Grandpa was great about it all, but that wasn’t what I was really looking for. I started going out to the clubs, but when I started to get a little bit of attention, I usually freaked and ran. Until I met Erik. He…pretty much swept me off my feet.” 176


“What did Erik do once he had you swept up?” “It started small. I was staying with Grandpa, which we both knew wasn’t a great idea for an eighteen-year-old kid. So he gave me some money to help me find a place of my own. Erik talked me into getting a smaller place, telling me it would save putting a strain on my finances, and then moved in with me. I loved that part, actually. I’d never had anybody there, just for me, except for my grandfather, and Erik was very affectionate. He knew how to play me, how much attention to give, and how much to keep away so I’d do whatever he said. Like keep quiet about his drugs and drinking.” “How long did you live with him?” “Almost a year. I look back on it now and wonder how I ever made it past those first couple months. When he was high…it wasn’t always pretty.” “What do you mean, wasn’t always pretty? What did he do?” “He got violent. Erratic. All the hugs and kisses and pinches on my ass turned into fists in my jaw or a shove into the wall. The thing of it was, he was always so damn contrite afterward, telling me he was sorry, that it wasn’t him, that he just loved me so much he couldn’t think straight.” Christopher snorted at the memory of his own naiveté. “And I believed him. Because I needed to believe him. Because I didn’t know it was okay not to.” Gage sat up, turning to face Christopher more fully. He cupped the side of Christopher’s face, caressing his cheek gently as though he could still see the bruises on the skin. “When did you realize it was okay to stop believing him?” “When he borrowed my car to go to work one day. Our apartment was close to the store, so he always said it was easier for me to walk than for him to get a car of his own. He went out to the 177


clubs after he got off, and on his way home, he hit a couple crossing the street. It smashed the front end, and he ended up abandoning it. Police woke me up to take me in for questioning. Neither one of them died, thank God, and it took a couple days to get statements from enough people to prove I wasn’t the one driving, but that was pretty much the last straw.” “Oh, Christopher, I’m sorry that happened to you.” He kissed the corner of Christopher’s mouth, then moved along his jaw with light caresses. “And I’m really glad you got away from him before you were really hurt.” Gage’s soft mouth was a welcome balm to the ache of memories, but Christopher knew he couldn’t let him get carried away. Not yet, anyway. When Gage reached his neck, Christopher cupped his nape and drew him back, sliding his hand forward to hold him still as their eyes met. “Do you get it now?” he asked. “Ever since Erik, I’ve been careful about who I dated, because I never wanted to put anybody through what I went through. It was so easy for Erik to manipulate me. When the cops caught him, he even blamed me for letting it happen. If I’d had a backbone, it would never have gone that far.” “But…you would never do anything like that, Christopher. I guess I could understand if I reminded you of yourself, but you’re not Erik.” “You do remind me of myself sometimes, but you’re stronger than I ever was, or ever could be. But it was a blanket policy I made back then, not some spur of the moment thing when I found out I was your first. It was the only way I could guarantee it not happening.” The corner of his mouth lifted. “Rev has been telling me for years that I’m too stubborn and stuck in my ways. And he’s right. Which is why I was finally ready to break that rule the 178


morning you started working at the store. I’d decided to take the risk, because you were worth it.” “What was your blanket policy, exactly?” It always sounded silly saying it aloud, even if it made perfect sense in his head. “I never dated anybody I considered vulnerable, like guys who’d just come out. I never dated anybody who reminded me too much of Erik, either, which ultimately narrowed the field quite a bit. That’s not to say I never date, because I do. But…on my terms. Until now.” “So…you’re saying that I made you break your own rules after only, like, a week?” He could drown in Gage’s bright eyes. The only way not to get lost in them was to drop his gaze to that sinful mouth, but that didn’t do much to save him, either. “In twelve years, I was never even tempted. The risk was never worth it. But you are.” Gage tilted his head and caught Christopher’s mouth with a slow kiss. “Thank you for telling me. For trusting me.” Christopher pushed back the hair that tumbled over Gage’s eyes and smiled. “Rev’s probably going to give me shit about him not being special anymore, you know. Which means he’ll give you shit, too.” “It’ll probably be easier if we just don’t let on.” “Probably.” He wasn’t completely sure if he’d actually helped Gage’s confusion about his own situation at all, though he felt miles better about them. “How’s your head? Is everything still in a jumble?” “No, it’s much better now.” He smiled. “The edges aren’t all fuzzy anymore. And I’m pretty sure I could walk a straight line if I needed to.” “How about one more glass of water, and then bed? You’ve 179


had a long day.” “And then bed? Is that an invitation?” “It’s your bed. You tell me.” Gage took Christopher’s hand and stood. He pulled Christopher to his feet and into a kiss, teasing his lips lightly. “It is.”

180


CHAPTER 12 Gage had planned to limit himself to a single beer, but when he realized he hated the taste of beer, he asked for something else. His exact words were something good, but maybe Rosemary had misunderstood, because she broke out the bottle of tequila. After a shot of that, Gage stopped caring about Bodie and Christopher and his family and everybody else. After the second shot, all of that came rushing back. But worse. Every argument or bad feeling he’d had in the past two months came rushing back. It all played on a constant loop, again and again, driving him crazy, until Christopher finally arrived to save him from himself. Somewhere, between the bar and Christopher’s softly-spoken confession, the strange fuzziness faded away. He wasn’t sure if it was the walk or the water or the fact that Christopher was finally 181


explaining everything. Or maybe it had been the blind anger that surged through him when Christopher told him about Erik. Gage couldn’t say, but he knew that by the time Christopher suggested bed, he was thinking clearly. And everything inside of him wanted to wrap his arms around Christopher and not let go. Gage pulled his shirt over his head before reaching for Christopher’s. As soon as it was gone, he wrapped his arms around Christopher and pressed their bodies together, craving as much contact as he could get. He smoothed his hands down Christopher’s back to cup his ass, tugging him closer so he could feel Gage’s growing erection. Their mouths met, touching briefly and then glancing away to focus elsewhere. Gage kissed his jaw and neck before returning to his mouth, his tongue dipping between his lips to meet Christopher’s. Though it had only been twenty-four hours since that magical night in Sacramento, it felt like an eternity since he’d been lost in Christopher’s kiss. When Christopher kissed him, everything else melted away. He never felt like Christopher was rushing to get to the next level, or that he wasn’t as thoroughly overwhelmed by it as Gage was. He took his time savoring every advance Gage made, leading him when he wasn’t sure, turning it back on him in new ways that left his head spinning. Christopher was never silent, either. For as contemplative as he could be in everyday conversation, those barriers seemed to drop when physical contact came into play. They weren’t always words, like the careful questions and directions he’d posed in bed the night before. They were whimpers in the back of his throat, and moans that rumbled through his broad chest. Gage was especially partial to the little gasps Christopher made when it seemed like he couldn’t breathe, like the way he gulped for air between kisses. 182


He made Gage feel like his equal, though he had more than a decade of experience. Even now, he didn’t try to push for more. He seemed perfectly content to stand there and pepper Gage in kisses, long, sensual caresses that always ended with their mouths coming back together. Gage wished he could kiss all of Christopher’s bad memories away. He knew the pain was over twelve years old, knew that Christopher had already dealt with the experience and moved on. But he felt a fierce protectiveness over Christopher. Like it was his job to make sure that nothing harmed him or made him unhappy. He knew Christopher would do the same for him if he could. The fact that he had doubted him just made Gage want to redouble his efforts to soothe over the past hurts. They crossed the room to Gage’s bed, shuffling their feet so they wouldn’t have to break contact for long. It seemed as though Christopher couldn’t get enough of his mouth. He returned to it with every breath, claiming his lips in kisses hard and soft. Their hands fumbled awkwardly between their bodies, pulling at zippers and buttons until the material fell open. Gage hooked his fingers around Christopher’s waistband and pulled them down his hips. He tugged them to the floor, dropping down to his knees as he did so. Christopher’s erection sprang free, long and stiff where it jutted from the closely trimmed bush. Granted, Gage didn’t have a lot of experiences with cocks, but he thought Christopher’s had to be close to perfect. The head flared to a thick shaft, the smooth skin pulled shiny taut, while his balls were heavy and full, offering more than a mouthful for anyone who wanted one. He hadn’t had much chance the night before to sit back and examine it, but now, with it in such proximity, his mouth watered. Christopher caressed the side of his face with light fingers. 183


“Please tell me you’re a Boy Scout here at home, too.” “Of course.” He knew why Christopher was asking, but he still wanted to hear him say the words. “Why do you ask?” He smiled, surprisingly playful. “Because I think you need to try a new position tonight.” “Oh?” Gage couldn’t resist running his tongue over the slick tip of Christopher’s cock. When Christopher moaned, he did it again. “What position?” Christopher’s lashes fluttered as he took a deep breath. “Being on top.” “Being on top?” Gage sat back on his heels. “Do you mean literally on top of you or do you mean something else?” The question seemed to take Christopher by surprise. “Well, I did mean literally, unless you’re interested in being really adventurous. I didn’t know you even thought about that.” Gage laughed. “I’m not even sure what we’re talking about anymore.” “Neither am I,” Christopher said with an answering chuckle. Reaching for Gage’s shoulder, he pulled him back to his feet. “I’d love for you to ride me. But if you want to have a go at fucking me, trust me, I can get on board with that plan, too.” “Oh, in that case, I definitely want to fuck you.” His arms went around Christopher again and he bent his head to lick one flat nipple. Which led to pulling it between his teeth and flicking his tongue across the swollen tip. “Definitely.” Christopher hissed, dropping his head back while a shudder rolled through him. “If you ever want anything, all you have to do is ask.” When Gage switched to the other nipple, he hissed again. “Though I’d be lying if I said I’m not looking forward to feeling that cock in me.” 184


Gage fisted Christopher’s cock, sliding his palm from the tip to the base slowly. The feeling was mutual, though Gage didn’t think he would be ready to be fucked again for a few more days. “Does that mean I should get you ready?” A distinct twinkle appeared in Christopher’s eye. Gage liked this teasing version of the man. “You think you know what to do after one time?” “I’m a very quick study. Show me once and that’s all I need.” “I’m going to hold you to that.” Gage straightened and licked his lip. “Get on the bed so I can show you.” Christopher was still smiling as he backed up. When the back of his legs hit the mattress, he sat down, his cock slapping against his stomach. He leaned back on his hands, but otherwise, didn’t move farther back along the bed. “Is this what you meant?” Gage tilted his head. “Not quite. Get on your stomach.” “Oh, sure, I do you on your back. You make me roll over so I can’t even watch.” His smile belied his put-upon tone. Swinging around, he rolled over so he was stretched out along the bed’s width, his head resting on his folded arms, his heavy-lidded eyes fixed on Gage. Slowly, he spread his legs, providing ample space for Gage to kneel. “This more to your liking?” “Yes. Thank you.” Gage grabbed the unused bottle of lubricant and a condom from under the bathroom sink. When he returned, Christopher was still stretched out, eyes still trained on him. Excitement and apprehension mingled in his midsection, and his stomach felt like it was trying to crawl up his throat. He couldn’t think of a more tempting sight than Christopher laid out like a feast for his eyes and mouth. But at the same time, Gage wanted to make sure that it 185


was good—that he was good. He wanted Christopher to feel as good as he’d made Gage feel the night before. He tossed the bottle and condom to the side and considered his strategy. He wasn’t sure he could do everything like Christopher had done, but he was eager to try. Gage cupped Christopher’s ass, kneading the taut flesh with both hands. A deep sigh lifted and dropped Christopher’s shoulders. “God, that feels good,” he said. “I have spent too much time sitting the past couple days.” Gage squeezed harder and dug his fingers in a bit deeper and Christopher moaned again. He would have to give Christopher a proper massage at some point when his cock wasn’t throbbing and he had the patience. He bent low and ran his tongue over Christopher’s sac, nibbling lightly on the loose skin before moving closer to Christopher’s hole. “You don’t have to do that, you know.” Gage lifted his head to see Christopher twisted to gaze back at him. A light burned in his eyes, clear and brilliant, and his smile had softened into the familiar curve he knew so well. “I know I took you by surprise with it last night,” Christopher continued. “I don’t expect it. The lube on its own will work fine. I want to feel you, but I want you to be comfortable with this, too.” Gage licked the sweat from his top lip and looked down to study Christopher’s ass. There was no question that he would rather bury his cock in Christopher’s than his tongue. He promised himself he’d work up to it and reached for the lube. Christopher nodded slightly and dropped his head again, his ass clenching—no doubt in anticipation of the cool lubricant. He snagged the lube and flipped the top with his thumb. He spread Christopher’s cheeks with his other hand, exposing his 186


puckered flesh. Remembering what the initial penetration had felt like, Gage poured a healthy amount over his entrance. Christopher hissed and jerked, but settled flat on the bed again when Gage spread the lube with his finger. “Do I have to remind you where else to put the lube?” came Christopher’s muffled voice. Gage laughed softly. “No, I remember that part.” The muscles tensed in Christopher’s ass each time Gage skimmed over the opening. He was fascinated by every reaction— the hole squeezing like it would around his cock when he was finally inside, goose bumps erupting along the back of Christopher’s thighs when Gage brushed over his balls. When Gage started concentrating on the pucker itself, Christopher pulled his legs even farther apart without prompting, offering himself to Gage like it was the only thing in the world he wanted. Then again, Christopher had said that, too. He’d foregone every warning he’d set up, to protect both himself and others, just because he wanted to be with Gage. That was intoxicating, all in its own right. Gage carefully worked his fingertip past the pucker, surprised by the heat and sudden pressure. He pushed deeper, encouraged by Christopher’s low moan to continue until he reached his third knuckle. He felt the pre-come rolling down his shaft as Christopher clenched around him, a small clue of what it would feel like when he fucked him. He pumped his wrist a few times before adding a second finger. Christopher was breathing faster now, audible in the sudden closeness of the room. A line of sweat had started to form in the small of his back, trapped by the fine sprinkling of hair there. On a whim, Gage bent down and licked it away. 187


The first contact of his tongue made Christopher arch backward, his ass clamping around the two fingers inside him. “Jesus,” he hissed. “I’m going to explode before you ever get around to fucking me.” “I might, too,” Gage said under his breath. He quickened the speed of his wrist, his whole body moving in his eagerness. “Are you…are you ready?” Christopher looked over his shoulder at that, his eyes surprisingly somber. “I think I’ve been ready since you first offered to buy me a drink.” Gage stopped moving and swallowed around sudden tightness in his throat. “I think I’ve been, too.” He eased his fingers out and reached for the condom, noticing a small tremor in his fingers as he tore the packaging. Christopher looked over his shoulder, watching as Gage unrolled the condom down his shaft. He rubbed his hand from the tip to the base, spreading the lube. “Do you want to turn over?” The answer came in action, the swift roll of Christopher’s body as he moved onto his back. He caught behind both knees and pulled them back and out of the way, exposing himself even more to Gage, while his stiff cock rested on his belly. A wet stain marred the blanket where he’d leaked all over it. More pre-come glistened at the tip. Gage couldn’t resist bending to catch the head with his lips, hungry for the salty taste. He sucked hard on the tip, eliciting a low groan from Christopher. He might have taken all of his cock down, but they were both on edge. With a final kiss, he straightened and situated himself, his knees pressed against the back of Christopher’s thighs. 188


“Stop me if I go too fast or hurt you or anything.” “I will.” His hand was still shaking when he situated the tip at Christopher’s hole, though holding it flat against his stomach around the base of his cock helped to steady it. His gaze jumped from the entry to Christopher’s eyes, and back to his ass, his heart thudding against his ribcage. This was happening. He was doing this. He’d watched Christopher walk away so many times. It didn’t seem possible he could finally have him for his own. When he tried to push forward, however, nothing happened. The resistance was too strong, or… He clenched his jaw. He needed to push harder. Holding his breath, he added more force, his thighs quivering, and watched the head of his cock disappear inside Christopher’s ass. “Oh, yeah…” Christopher breathed. “More, Gage.” Once he made it past the muscle, things got easier. His slick shaft slid against the lubricated walls and it almost felt like Christopher was literally pulling him forward. Everything inside of him demanded more of the tight heat. He wanted to feel it down every inch of his shaft, clenching around him again and again, until he finally erupted. That desire overtook him, clouding his brain, and he slammed forward, only realizing what he’d done when Christopher groaned. “Sorry…sorry…” “No, no, don’t apologize.” A hand slipped its hold, sweaty fingers skimming along the side of Gage’s hip. The gaze Christopher leveled at him was dark and hungry, the flare of his nostrils nearly primal. “I’ve been doing this a little bit longer than you have. You can fuck me like that whenever you want.” Gage wanted to thank him for that, but he could barely speak. 189


The friction had set all his nerve endings on fire, the flames racing from his groin to his throat and down his spine. In a distant way, he understood the pleasure was too intense for him to withstand for long, that it would last longer if he moved slower, that he could try to drag it out. But his body wasn’t listening to reason, and with Christopher’s permission still echoing in his ears, he did it again. His body shuddered with what could only be described as ecstasy. He looked to Christopher again, searching for any sign that he wanted Gage to stop. Christopher didn’t speak, but he did secure his grip on Gage’s hip as if to pull him deeper. Though it took a few strokes, he found his rhythm, one that seemed to work for both of them. Christopher’s fingers relaxed when he pulled out, as if giving him the room to move, but before he withdrew completely, he drove forward again, spurred by the tightening of Christopher’s hand. Together, they rocked back and forth like that, each thrust catapulting Gage ever closer. Letting go of his other leg, Christopher curled it around Gage’s ass, trapping him closer. His tongue ran over his damp upper lip, and he curled his free arm behind his head to grab onto the edge of the mattress. It stretched the muscles in his side and chest, delineating them further. Sweat carved out mouth-watering hills and valleys, but it was the continued drip of pre-come pooling on his stomach that Gage found most enticing. “Jerk me off.” Christopher panted. “I’m so close.” Gage fisted Christopher’s slick cock, spreading the pre-come and the sweat as he stroked him. The faster he jerked his wrist, the faster the rest of his body moved, until he was pounding into Christopher. He tensed with every stroke, until his walls were gripping Gage so tightly that he could barely move. When Christopher arched his back, Gage’s balls tightened, but he fought 190


against the rising tide. He didn’t want to come first. Christopher shouted as his cock jerked in Gage’s hand, and he angled it so the long strings of come would shoot onto Christopher’s abdomen and chest. Christopher shuddered, and the friction, the heat, the sight, the smell, the sounds were finally all too much for Gage. He came with a final thrust, his entire body shuddering from the force. Slowly, the leg around his hips relaxed, falling to the bed. Christopher caressed Gage’s hip, the strokes lengthening as Gage emerged from his orgasm, shaken and spent. His legs didn’t seem to want to hold him up, and when Christopher gently tugged, Gage fell forward, catching himself on his hands. Christopher pulled him down the rest of the way, cupping the back of his head to bring their mouths together. The kiss was slow and almost sweet, and both of them trembled, even after they parted. “I guess you really are a quick study,” Christopher murmured against his mouth. “God, I don’t know why I haven’t been doing that for years.” “Not even a girl?” “No, never had the chance. Or the desire, for that matter.” Christopher chuckled. “That’s not stopped horny gay guys before.” His hand smoothed down to Gage’s ass and squeezed. “I guess we’re going to have to take turns, huh?” “I think that’s a good plan.” He rested his head on Christopher’s shoulder, his eyes heavy. “I’m worn out. That’s a heck of a work out.” “Go to sleep. You’ve had a stressful couple of days.” “One thing…” He rolled to his side, pulled off the condom, and knotted it quickly before discarding it. He settled against 191


Christopher’s body again, curling into his side and closing his eyes. “Still going to be here when I wake up?” “Yeah. I already arranged for Annemarie to open the store. I figured I deserved a morning to sleep in after the trip.” His arm tightened around Gage’s back, strong, secure. “Thank you for giving this another chance.” Gage almost felt like he should be thanking Christopher. For so many things. He didn’t know how, though. He compromised with a kiss, hoping Christopher understood. Judging by the way Christopher held him, he did.

192

JAMIE CRAIG

Jamie Craig is the collaborative efforts of Pepper Espinoza and Vivien Dean. Both successful authors on their own, they began working together in early 2006. Pepper lives with her husband and cats in Utah, where she attends graduate school, and Vivien resides in northern California with her husband and two children.

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Don’t miss Wearing Death by Jamie Craig, available at AmberAllure.com! When veterinarian Jeremy Reed hears a thump one night on his front step, he expects to find an abandoned animal. What he gets is battered and broken cop Brendan Wheeler. Kidnapped from his apartment five days earlier by an unknown man, Brendan now sports a vivid tattoo across his back depicting a young woman’s death, a woman nobody knows. Until the next morning when Jeremy discovers her dead body. Brendan wants to find the killer. Jeremy wants Brendan to survive. And someone wants both of them to pay…

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