A Matter of Destiny

Table of Contents PREAMBLE PROLOGUE CHAPTER 1 CHAPTER 2 CHAPTER 3 CHAPTER 4 CHAPTER 5 CHAPTER 6 CHAPTER 7 CHAPTER 8 CHAPTER 9 CHAPTER 10 CHAPTER 11 CHAPTER 12 POSTAMBLE

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A Matter of Destiny Sharon stopped breathing when her fingers brushed his. They had to get back inside. He was too masculine, too overpowering for her to resist in her present state. Even Myrt’s old sedan took on the aura of a solitary wagon on a long-ago starlit plain. Sharon drank more of the strong beverage, then said, "We’d better go in." Joe took her cup and drained the contents before putting it back into the bag. He did the same with his own, then lifted her chin. Before she could move, he leaned down and brushed her lips softly.

It happened so fast that Sharon had no time to protest. Did she want to? She merely felt disappointed when it ended so abruptly. She swayed toward him, unbalanced as she was by his kiss. Joe crushed her to him as a deep moan escaped his lips. For a moment, Sharon thought he called out another woman’s name. She was startled by the overwhelming emotions that swept through her traitorous body. Her arms went around him and explored the taut muscles of his back. Again and again he kissed her, and Sharon didn’t want him to stop. His mouth pulled a response from her like nothing she’d ever known. Not even with…what was she thinking? Confused and shaken, she twisted away and searched for the door handle. Joe reached around her and lifted it easily, then put his hand on her arm. "Sharon, don’t shut me out. What are you feeling?" His need was strong; she could hear it in his voice. She answered truthfully. "I’m not sure." She laughed softly, on the verge of tears. "It’s not the same as kissing my father."

A Matter of Destiny by Bonnie Drury StarryNight Books Starlight Writer Publications

SWP http://www.starpublications.com/

StarryNight Books are published by:

Starlight Writer Publications A Division of Romance Foretold, Inc. Suite 240 532 Old Marlton Pike Marlton, NJ 08053 Copyright © 2000 by Bonnie Drury ISBN 1-929034-86-5 All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced electronically or in any form, or by any means without the prior written consent of the Publisher and Author, excepting brief quotes used in reviews. No persons or places in this book are real. All situations, characters and concepts are the sole invention of the author.

Electronically published in the United States of America

Dedication To all my writer friends, who know how it is to tell a story because you have no other choice.

Credits: Cover Artist ~ Trace Edward Zaber Editor ~ Gail McAbee Copy Editor ~ Sylvia Lau-McDonald Senior Editor of SWP ~ Lorraine Stephens RATING: PG-13

PROLOGUE "Joseph, it’s time for you to return to earth." Joseph stood before his superior, Head Guardian Serena, and wondered how he could change her mind. An ethereal mist swirled around them with the ever-present sound of music filling the air. "I know what you’re thinking," she said, "and it won’t work." "But…" "That’s not a good reason, either." Joseph drew himself into a meditative pose to protect his thoughts. He knew his vulnerable points, his shortcomings, when it came to dealing with earthlings. Mainly, he was far too "human" himself. He’d painfully proven that point. Serena connected with his mind despite his efforts. "I know how you are, Joseph, how you hurt with the pain of a child’s death, even knowing it lasts but a moment. When lovers part, you feel as if it happened to you. I’ve seen you pace with parents as they face an endless night of worry." It was true. Joseph was fascinated by all that human beings experienced. "I do wonder where they find their strength." He knew the answer to that, but they seemed to struggle on, even without benefit of the Knowledge. Serena smiled. "Remember when you argued in Assembly that the Knowledge should be bestowed upon them?" "Yes, and my opinion was in the minority. Especially after Adam and Eve squandered their chance." Serena waited with an amused expression. Her kindness created an aura for her astounding beauty. Golden curls cascaded to the hem of her gown, and her eyes were as blue as a cloudless summer sky. "I want to do my share with the earthlings, but I don’t think I’m the right guardian for this mission." He’d felt a prickling on the back of his neck ever since he was summoned.

Serena smiled her all-knowing smile. "Oh, but you’re wrong, Joseph. You’re perfect for this particular assignment. I’m not saying it will be a simple one. Her name is Sharon Quinn."

CHAPTER 1 Tom was in bed beside her, his callused, yet gentle hands stroking her naked body as she arched toward him. It was always good between them. She wanted more. Sharon stirred, and her arms closed around an oversized pillow. Her eyes fluttered open as she waited for the dream to become reality. But there was no Tom, she remembered with a tightening in her chest. Not since the accident last February. The familiar nausea returned as it did every time she woke up and reached for her husband. Why, God? Her unspoken question reverberated through the room. That’s all she wanted to know…why? Her answer was nothing but silence. If only she could hide beneath the covers and never come out. She shook her head. "You must go on, lass," she heard her father say. "One day at a time." She sighed. "Okay, dad, for you, for today." Sharon went through the ritual each morning, convincing herself to get up. She struggled out of bed and dressed in jeans, tennis shoes, and a bright pink sweatshirt. After brushing her chestnut hair back, she wound it into a knot on top of her head and pulled a knit cap over it. Her body ached for activity after the frustrated longing of her dream. How long would the visions continue to invade her sleep? Sometimes a week or more passed without them, but they always returned. Sharon slipped out of the house and paused on the front porch to breathe in the brisk morning air. Dawn crawled along the horizon, and the sun cast a rosy glow over the sleeping town. Pink and blue clouds stretched across the morning sky. Sharon loved the way the little town looked this time of day, tucked away from the hustle-bustle of the world beyond. She took solace from the birds singing in the trees and the brisk breeze that spoke of late summer in northern Idaho. Soon, the leaves would become the burnt orange of autumn. Sharon hoped that walking would rid her of the feeling that she was about to fall apart. She propped the squeaky gate against the faded fence and headed toward the river at a slow pace. *** The main section of Hollow Bend was founded on a bluff. Its location kept it safe from the Kootenai River, which ran alongside for several miles before veering into the forest. Sharon took the path down to the river and strolled for about half a mile before the haunting images crowded in upon her again. If only she could shut off her mind, she might find peace. Slowly at first, she began to run, then faster and faster. If she ran fast enough, maybe she could leave her memories behind, but they drummed into her head like the pounding of horses’ hooves on dry land. Her cheeks grew hot as she ran along the path, vaguely aware of her surroundings. The river looked calm, but she knew the waters ran deep and swift beneath the surface. "Faster, Sharon, run faster," the

ghosts of the past seemed to say. Suddenly, someone appeared in the path, but she didn’t react quickly enough. Sharon tumbled head-on into the man, pushing him backwards to the ground. "What the…" was all he managed. As the imagined demons retreated, Sharon’s consciousness began to clear. She lay on the ground, entangled with a stranger whose arms were wrapped around her. She could hear the loud beating of his heart against her ear. For a moment, Sharon tried to believe it was Tom and allowed herself to revel in his warmth, but only for a moment. She struggled to her feet and looked down at the person she’d run over. Offering him a hand up, she grimaced apologetically. "I’m sorry, I didn’t see you… Say, aren’t you Luke’s new math teacher?" Luke had pointed him out at freshman orientation. "Yes, I am," he said, standing. "You were running like someone or something was chasing you. What was it?" The ascending sun filtered through the tamarack’s golden leaves overhead. Sharon lifted her gaze to his as he brushed soggy leaves from his gray sweat pants. "Nothing," she answered. "I just felt like running." He studied her for a moment, then said, "The name’s Joe Reardon, Mrs. Quinn. I’m sorry about your husband." "Thank you." A strange sensation swept through her as his dark penetrating eyes seemed to look deep inside her. She shivered. "If you need anything, I’ll be happy to help," he said. Sharon nodded, though she had no intention of asking for anyone’s help. No one could give Tom back to her. He hesitated a moment longer, then said, "Take care," as he pushed off to continue along the path. Sharon watched him go, marveling at how effortlessly he picked up speed, his feet barely touching the earth. Confused by her own interest, she began to jog in the opposite direction, needing to stop every ten minutes or so to catch her breath. Sharon felt as if she’d run twenty miles by the time she rounded the loop back to Main Street, but she’d only gone about two miles total. Hollow Bend was waking now. A door slammed in the distance, a dog barked. From down the street came an answering bark. Sharon turned toward home, and the morning breeze hurried her on her way. The image of Joe Reardon remained with her. He seemed nice, but one was conditioned to be wary of strangers in a small town. She wondered if Luke knew more about him. Her son was drawn to the man,

probably because he missed his father. There was something about Joe Reardon she couldn’t quite put her finger on. The next day, Sharon asked her friend, Paula, about the new man in Hollow Bend. "Where did you meet him?" said Paula with a curious expression. Sharon couldn’t help smiling. "Plowed into him, is more like it." Paula folded her elbows on the kitchen table. "Sounds interesting. He’s made quite a stir among the single women in town." "I can see why," Sharon murmured. The boys came in from an afternoon at the movies, so the subject was dropped. But before Paula left, she whispered, "I’ll call, and you can tell me more." David and Luke went straight to the kitchen where they broke into an argument. "Lighten up," Luke told his older brother. "Grow up," David retorted. Sharon stepped into the room. "All right, what’s this all about?" They at least had the good sense to look sheepish. Luke spoke first. "David’s always putting me down in front of my friends. He says we’re all a bunch of idiots." Sharon turned to her firstborn. "David?" David glared at his brother. "Well, they are." Sharon persisted. "Why do you say that?" "Because." David began to squirm under her scrutiny. "I’m just fed up with everything, that’s all." With that, he left the room and bounded up the stairs. Sharon turned to Luke. "What brought that on?" He shrugged. "Who knows? Isn’t he always in a bad mood?" Sharon realized he was right. She should have known how unhappy David was. She went upstairs and knocked on his door, but he said, "I’m tired, Mom. I’ll see you tomorrow." She hesitated and wondered if she should insist on talking to him now, but maybe he just needed some privacy. She decided it could wait. When she heard music from his room, she felt a little better. *** Several nights later, Sharon woke suddenly and sat upright. She was moist with a cold sweat and tried to recall what had frightened her. Then she remembered. In her nightmare, Sharon was the only barrier between her boys and a deep fiery pit. With a long, rawhide whip, she fought off unimaginable terrors to protect them. It had seemed so real she could still feel the scorching heat of the flames.

She slipped out of bed and padded across the cold hardwood floor to the window. Her green eyes searched the moonlit clouds, but she heard only the distant hooting of an owl. Sharon wasn’t ready to go back to sleep. She’d come to the deepest part of the river and realized she had to decide whether to sink or swim. After silent meditation, she vowed to salvage her own and her sons’ lives. They could make it, together. As a symbolic first step, Sharon went into the guest bathroom and filled the old-fashioned tub with hot bubbly water. When ready, she stepped into it. The wall-papered room soon misted with the fragrance of honeysuckle. A bath never failed to calm her nerves. Leaning back, she felt her muscles relax for the first time in months. Sharon allowed the warmth to permeate her body and refused to think about anything. Not consciously, anyway. Later, when she crawled back into bed, Sharon gave her thoughts free rein. She wanted to live. Even without Tom—forgive me, Tom—her survival instincts were strong. It was the first time she’d admitted she wanted to go on, regardless. The silent promise of tomorrow became a soothing balm to her grief-stricken heart rather than a frightening monster. One day at a time, she vowed before falling into a dreamless sleep. *** The sun shone brightly the next morning, waking her early. It was always chilly in the old log house, winter or summer, but Sharon loved her home. The ancient stand of towering cedar trees gave her some privacy from the neighbors. She knew from local folklore that the homestead had been hand-hewn nearly eighty years ago. When she went downstairs and checked the refrigerator, Sharon found just enough bacon and eggs for breakfast and a little leftover stew from the night before. With a deep sigh, she turned on the flame under a black iron skillet and arranged the bacon slices into the pan. The boys came straggling downstairs as the aroma of sizzling bacon drifted upward. They’d have to get used to getting up earlier when school started next week. Fair-haired Luke grinned. "Mornin’ Mom," he said, sneaking a piece of bacon. Her fourteen-year-old was as husky as his father. What a gift to wake up with a smile, she thought. Dark-haired David, two years older than Luke, wore one of Tom’s old shirts, and it hung loosely on his adolescent frame. She gave them both a kiss before turning back to the stove. "Who wants to go to the grocery store with me?" she asked. A duet of groans answered her. "Do we have to?" said Luke. David was slower to reply, but obviously found the suggestion just as distasteful. "If you want." Sharon remembered when a trip to the store was a treat for them, especially when they were allowed to pick out their favorite breakfast cereal. She supposed they were too old now for such simple pleasures.

"Okay, guys, I’ll do the shopping, and you can get started on the firewood. It needs to be split and stacked if it’s going to be good and dry by winter. I’m glad your father bought an ample supply before…" A short stab of pain raced through her. She took a deep breath and it subsided. They needed to talk about Tom more often, until it became a comfort. She admitted that Tom had always been late getting the wood ready, but pushed the disloyal thought aside. "That’s even worse," Luke said, his mouth turning downward. "I’d rather go shopping… I think." "Too late, you had your chance. I want you to work on the firewood anyway. We’ll have to remember all the things that need to be done before winter." Luke shrugged good-naturedly. "Okay." David didn’t say anything, but seemed to be deep in thought. "Are you okay, honey?" she asked. His dark moods scared her sometimes. She was afraid he’d slip into one and never come out. He looked straight at her. "Sure, Mom, I’m fine." Sharon turned and lifted the crisp slices out of the pan and drained off the grease. Then she poured in a fluffy mixture of eggs and milk. The simple act of cooking a meal had become a dreaded chore after they lost Tom, but she was trying to get back into the habit. She was afraid she’d spent too many months in a fog of grief. No wonder her sons felt lost. "Can you buy some steaks this time?" Luke asked with a persuasive tilt of his head. Sharon’s heart sank. "I’m sorry, hon, but we’ve got to watch every penny for a while." Especially after the money she’d spent on their school clothes and supplies. "What about Dad’s insurance money?" David said quietly. She shrugged. "There’s a lot of red tape holding it up." Sharon was surprised David had even brought up anything relating to his father’s death. He never wanted to talk about it. She tried to be upbeat. "We’ll do the best we can, okay? You still love my great spaghetti, don’t you?" "Yes, Mom," David said after a moment’s pause, "we love your spaghetti." After they finished eating, Sharon went upstairs to dress. She pulled on jeans and a pale blue pullover. She noticed she’d lost more weight. Sharon plaited the sides of her hair and clipped the braids together in the back, letting the rest hang loose. She used makeup sparingly, just mascara and lipstick. The dark smudges under her eyes were fading, but the hint of sadness was still there. When she went downstairs, Sharon heard a steady chopping sound from the backyard and called out a goodbye. The boys barely paused to wave. Out of friendship, she usually shopped at Smallwood’s General Store for quick run-ins and an exchange

of gossip. Today, Sharon really needed to stock up and drove to the supermarket on Tamarack Hill. The aromas from the in-store bakery greeted her and made her stomach growl, even though she’d just eaten. "Willpower, Sharon," she told herself firmly as she walked past the mouth-watering temptations. She had to stick to essentials. It was reassuring, however, that her appetite was coming back. For a while, she thought food would never again hold any appeal. Sharon studied the items on her list as she went up and down the aisles, carefully totaling the figures as she added each product to the cart. She was so engrossed with her addition she didn’t watch where she was going. Kerthump. The cart crashed into an immovable object. Sharon glanced up, startled. "Oh no, not again. I’m really not out to get you, Mr. Reardon." She was relieved to see a grin on his rugged face, noting irrelevantly that his teeth were perfect. "Maybe I should wear a flashing light whenever you’re around," he kidded her. He wore faded jeans and a red plaid shirt jacket, resembling a lumberjack more than a teacher. But as she recalled, Luke had mentioned he was also an assistant coach, thus the outdoorsy look. "What are you staring at?" he asked. "Your nose is crooked," she murmured without thinking. He lifted his hand to his face. "Just for the record, ma’am," he said with an exaggerated drawl, "my nose was broken years ago." "Fighting over a woman?" Sharon didn’t know why she’d asked such a question, but she could picture him with sword and armor, battling for a lady’s honor. There was something about him that intrigued her, and that fact made her uncomfortable. His expression grew serious. "Maybe," he said in answer to her question, then seemed to regain his good humor. "By the way, what’s your jogging schedule so I can wear my bumper guards?" Sharon smiled again, and it felt good. "I don’t know, but I promise to be more careful." Joe shifted his weight, and Sharon assumed he wanted to be on his way. She glanced down at the growing pile of groceries in her basket and said, "I’d better finish my shopping and get some of this stuff in the freezer. Nice seeing you." "Likewise," he said, sounding disappointed. "I guess I’d better get going." When he pushed his cart past, she couldn’t help snickering. He stopped and glanced over his shoulder. "Now what? Are my ears on crooked, too?" "No, you just don’t seem the type to be pushing a grocery cart." He raised his eyebrows in surprise. "Even confirmed bachelors have to eat."

"Right." She gave him a quick, embarrassed wave and hurried around the corner. *** Joseph had lost all his powers of concentration as far as grocery shopping was concerned. He stared blankly at the shelves, then decided to make do with what he’d already selected. He was happy to see Sharon Quinn today, especially after what Luke had told him. The boy came to him a couple days ago, offering to help set up the classroom. They’d been working together for about an hour when Luke asked, "Mr. Reardon, can I talk to you a minute?" Joe turned from the chalkboard and motioned for Luke to sit in one of the desks. "What is it, Luke?" "Well, you know about my dad…" Joe nodded, encouraging the boy to continue. Luke fingered the edge of his book, then looked up. "My mom acts so confused lately. Do you think something’s wrong with her, besides…you know…?" "I believe I know what you mean, Luke. You’re all going through a difficult time. The process of healing seems slow, but you really will get through it." "It’s just that…she forgets what she’s doing. She’ll walk into the room, stand there, then turn around and walk out." "The confusion is natural, Luke, trust me. Your mother is a very brave woman, and stronger than you think. Than she thinks." Luke sighed and slid out of the desk. "I guess you’re right. David and I just have to be patient with her." Joe hid a smile at the young man’s compassion for his mother. "You and David are everything to her. You know that, don’t you?" Luke grinned and said, "I know." After the boy left, Joe stared into space. What he’d told Luke was true, that his mother was a brave woman. She was also more beautiful each time Joe saw her. Sharon Quinn’s auburn hair and striking green eyes would stand out even in a big city. He was sure she was unaware of her beauty, and, most certainly, unaware of him. But why did she affect him so deeply? Because she was unattainable? Or was it merely sympathy that made his palms sweat and his mouth go dry when she came into sight? He had to find his objectivity, or he’d fail his mission. He wasn’t supposed to think like a man, was he? Or was that one of the trials Serena mentioned? Joseph knew his presence was important. The Quinn family needed a guardian, and he’d been chosen. But right now, he had to stand in line at the check-out. *** When Sharon put her groceries away, it seemed like she brought home far more than she’d paid for from her meager budget. She shook her head, figuring she must be mistaken. Her cheerful mood lingered. The deep ache was a part of her, but at least she accomplished something today.

And so had her sons. They’d done a good job with the firewood, splitting and stacking a half-cord since she’d been gone. She’d reward them with BLT’s and French fries, with strawberry yogurt for dessert. Sharon had just finished the last batch of fries when the boys stomped through the back door, flushed from the physical exertion. "There’s my woodsmen now," she exclaimed with pride. David’s dark hair stuck to his sweaty forehead and Luke’s blond head looked as though he’d spun around on it. She studied them both, with love welling up inside, knowing it was up to her to make them happy. They were worth the effort. *** Within another month, Sharon had to admit she needed a job. The insurance money had come through, but it would be depleted in no time without a regular income, other than Tom’s social security check. She called her friend, Paula, for moral support. "Want to have lunch with me today?" Rather than wait for an answer, she hurried on, not giving Paula a chance to refuse. "I’m going to start looking for a job this morning, and I’ll probably need a dose of confidence by noon." "I’d love to," Paula said, "where shall we meet?" Sharon breathed a sigh of relief. She could always count on Paula. "How about the Chicken Coop?" They agreed on a time, then hung up. The boys had already left for school, so she took a leisurely shower. When she’d finished, Sharon selected a soft coral dress with long sleeves and belted waistline, pulling it over her head. Tom had especially liked the outfit, and Sharon knew she looked her best. Skillfully applying her makeup, she used a soft gray eyeshadow to emphasize her gray-green eyes. "Not bad for a mother of two teenagers," she said aloud, surveying the results in the full-length mirror. She pinned her hair into a French twist, then added tiny pearl earrings and a spray of rose-scented cologne. Unable to delay the moment any longer, she slipped into matching shoes and a short wool coat. The temperature took a sharp dive this time of year. Even her car protested the cold by coughing twice before starting. Sharon had no idea where to look first. She had to think before heading for the local newspaper office. It was as good a place as any. She’d worked on the high school paper and remembered it had been a lot of fun. She entered the front office of the Hollow Bend News and knew why she’d checked there first as the clickety-clack of the presses and the smell of printers’ ink filled the building. In the back of her mind, she’d carried a picture of the bustling newsroom she’d seen in movies and a vision of herself as the hot new investigative reporter. But so much for fantasies. The Hollow Bend newsroom wasn’t exactly bustling. Only one person pecked away on a typewriter. The bright overhead lights gave the impression of the burning sun over a barren

desert. Sharon stood in the entryway for a few moments before the woman at the typewriter glanced up. Sharon knew Doris Bateman, though not very well. Doris peered over gold-rimmed glasses, her salt-and-pepper hair stiff from her weekly session at Scissors, the local beauty salon. Everyone in town knew the Scissors’ style. "Mrs. Quinn, how are you?" She half-stood, then eased her plump figure back into the chair. "Come on in and sit down." Sharon did as Doris suggested, then waited for the chance to say what was on her mind as the other woman rambled on. "Seems like I never get caught up, ya know. Of course, I do have my slow days. That’s when I get my crocheting done, for the grandkids and such." She laughed. "Got six now, you know, and one on the way." Sharon was surprised, but relieved, when Doris didn’t mention the Quinn family’s recent loss. Finally, the flood of words stopped, and Sharon interjected, "Mrs. Bateman, can you help me? I’m looking for a job." Doris chewed on the end of her pencil as she appeared to think it over. "Well, I’d have to check with the boss, of course, but the only opening is Ida Kelson’s column. You know, the one she writes about what everyone’s doing. She says it’s getting to be too much for her, but it pays $10 a column and a turkey at Christmas." Sharon thought at first the woman was joking, then realized she wasn’t. Considering her sons’ appetites, the turkey was tempting, but… Taking a deep breath, she said, "I think I’ll have to make a little more than that, but thank you for your time." She left quickly, then paused outside the building, wondering where to try next. She was new at this. When Tom was alive, she’d wanted nothing more than to keep their home running smoothly. Now that existence seemed sheltered and safe. Drawing herself up straight, she started walking. *** Joseph’s guardian consciousness watched over Sharon even while his human persona taught class. He’d always gotten a kick out of being in two places at once. He felt her disappointment as keenly as if it were his own and considered using one of the miracles at his disposal. "No, Joseph," Serena said. "She must learn to be strong and take care of herself. You’ll find other ways to help." His heart gave a little twist, anticipating what she still had to endure. "I thought we guardians had more leeway," he protested. "At the appropriate times," she insisted gently, "in the appropriate way."

Joseph didn’t argue further. He had an idea. *** The library…she’d always been an avid reader. Maybe they could use someone. Twenty minutes later, Sharon had been told, in no uncertain terms, that it took more than a thirst for the written word to qualify for work in the library. "Of course, if you’re interested in volunteering…" the head librarian hinted. The only department store in town, the Pin and Feathers, was taking applications for on-call work. Sharon filled one out, just in case nothing else turned up. By this time, she felt quite desperate and ready for a lunch break. Her friend already waited at the Chicken Coop when Sharon arrived. They both loved the homey atmosphere of the small café with its red-and-white checkered tablecloths and chimney stack lights. Paula wore a green wool dress and her dark curly hair glistened with highlights. She’d told Sharon that Ty liked it that way. Paula looked prettier than she had in a long time. The friends hugged one another and went inside. They chose a table next to a window, even though the only view was the tree-lined highway leading out of town. "I love watching the cars go by," she told Paula. "Is that silly?" It reminded her of when she was a little girl, imagining exotic faraway places whenever she heard the distant mournful cry of a train whistle. "No, it’s not silly," Paula assured her, like a true friend. After ordering, they sat back to catch up on news. "How’s the job hunting?" Paula asked. Sharon groaned. "Not so good. I’ve discovered nothing can shatter one’s ego as quickly as looking for employment. It’s been so long, since before I was married." "Have you tried the Pin and Feathers?" Sharon nodded. "How about the library?" "Yes, and the newspaper office. That’s as far as I’ve gotten. They all say they’ll keep me in mind, but none pays much, if anything at all. I could drive into Sandpoint if I have to, but I think the boys need me close by." At that moment, Sharon spotted Father Simmons as he sauntered into the small family restaurant and headed straight for their table. It was obvious he’d just been to the barber, his white hair was so short. His lined face was untroubled, as if he hadn’t a care in the world. Sharon knew better. "Sharon, Paula, how’ve you been?" "Fine," they both answered, then Sharon asked him to sit down.

He did. "What’re you lovely ladies up to?" "Job hunting," Sharon explained, then briefly outlined her day thus far. "Paula’s here to boost my spirits." The priest listened intently, rubbing his chin as she spoke. His blue eyes seemed to sparkle with an inner light. "Have you tried the school district? They might need someone. Right after the new semester begins, the administration posts the openings they haven’t filled." "That’s a good idea. Thank you, Father. I’ll check into it right after lunch." "Glad to help." He excused himself, then joined an elderly couple at another table. After he’d left, Sharon turned to her friend. "How’s Ty?" Paula stared out the window, her blue eyes filling with tears. Turning back to Sharon, she said, "We can’t seem to get along at all, and he won’t talk to me about it. He just…" She stopped, and Sharon reached over to squeeze Paula’s hand. "I wish you’d talk to Father Simmons about it. He’s counseled married couples for years, and might be able to help." Paula shook her head. "I couldn’t. Ty would be furious if he knew I’d talked about our marriage to anyone, especially someone he didn’t know." "You have to do something. I’ll go with you if you want." Paula drew her lips into a straight line. "No, Sharon. Thank you, but no." Sharon sighed. "All right, I’ll drop it." She felt helpless in the face of Paula’s unhappiness. *** The waitress brought their chicken salads, the spicy meat and tangy dressing making a delicious combination. Sharon ate with relish, admitting to a twinge of envy that Paula had a husband to worry about. She was certain Ty loved Paula very much, but he was such a proud man. Paula had told her he was dissatisfied with the way things had turned out for them. "I have to make this work," Paula said quietly. Sharon pictured the big Scandinavian in her mind. Ty was over six feet tall, with hair bleached nearly white by the sun. He worked hard on their small farm, but had been difficult to talk to lately. Tom had tried to find his friend work at the logging company before the accident. She set down her fork and swallowed hard, trying to concentrate on Paula’s anecdotes about her eight-year-old Jason. "I’ve never seen a child with so much energy," Paula said. "It wears me out just watching him." Sharon laughed. "You should have seen Luke when he was small. Believe me, I know what you’re going through. Maybe they grow out of it eventually." Paula shook her head and laughed. "That’s encouraging."

Sharon’s attention wandered as a sudden vision of Tom wrestling with a four-year-old Luke popped into her mind. She stared out the window, seeing only the past. Paula touched her arm. "Sharon, are you all right?" "What? Oh, I was just…" she stopped, realizing she didn’t want to burden her friend, who had her own problems. "I was just thinking what a great friend you are." About twenty minutes later, Sharon pushed back her chair. "Thanks for meeting me, Paula. Once again, you’ve given me the courage to face the world." Paula smiled, but the worry remained in her eyes. "Good luck. Call me tonight and tell me what happened." Sharon headed for the Hollow Bend Middle and High School, located on Tamarack Hill where the school overlooked the Kootenai River. She felt a budding excitement at the prospect of working there. She pushed through the heavy glass door into the Administration Office and shivered when a stiff breeze brushed past her legs. Sharon hesitated when she saw the receptionist. The woman looked about twenty-five and exuded an air of complete confidence. Her blue business suit was beautifully tailored, and her dark hair cut very short, the picture of the perfect secretary. There’s nothing wrong with the way I look, Sharon told herself. Clearing her throat, she said, "Excuse me." The woman glanced up, then waited for her to go on. "I was wondering, are you taking applications?" The secretary rummaged through a drawer, then stood with several papers in her hand. "There are three openings right now, a receptionist/clerk position, cafeteria worker, and library assistant. Fill out this application and questionnaire, and we’ll keep them on file." She handed the papers to Sharon, along with a pencil, then went back to her desk. Sharon surveyed the room for a place to write and spotted a row of school desks lined up against the wall. She eased into one of them and studied the forms. As she tapped her pencil on the desk, trying to figure out the best answers, the outer door opened and Joe Reardon came into the office.

CHAPTER 2 Sharon’s breathing halted. She was stunned by the way her pulse responded to the teacher’s good looks. Not since she’d first met Tom had she felt such an attraction to a man. A wave of guilt swept over her. She shouldn’t be thinking about such things. He didn’t see her, so she sat quietly, unable to stop herself from studying his tall frame. His shoulders were so broad, his blue shirt stretched to fit. The back of his dark hair curled over the collar. Sharon wondered how he maintained his tan with the rapid approach of winter. "Susan, is Mr. Greaves back yet?" His deep voice was warm and vibrant. The secretary smiled sweetly. What a change in her personality, Sharon thought.

"No, he isn’t, Joe, but I’ll buzz you as soon as he comes in." I’ll just bet you will, Sharon thought wryly. "Thanks." Joe turned and his gaze met Sharon’s. She felt a slight jolt. "Mrs. Quinn, what are you doing here? Are the boys okay?" "They’re fine, thanks." She squirmed. "I’m looking for a job." He tried to slip into the desk beside her, but couldn’t quite fit. He stood towering over her instead. She had to lean back to look up at him. "Any luck?" he asked. She shook her head, then glanced at the secretary to see if she was listening. "Not yet." Joe put his foot on the chair next to her and rested his arm on his knee. His face was close to Sharon’s as he said, "I’ll keep my ears open." They stared into one another’s eyes for a long moment. Sharon couldn’t look away. Then Joe moved, but not before Sharon recognized a certain vulnerability, not unlike her own. "I’d better get back to class," he said in a slightly husky voice, then cleared his throat. "Good luck." His wink lifted her spirits, and she felt invincible, if only for an instant. He turned to go, and she said quickly, "Thank you, Mr. Reardon." He raised his hands in protest. "Please, call me Joe. I feel ancient enough with the kids calling me Mr. Reardon all day." Sharon already thought of him as Joe. "All right, Joe. Bye." She stared at the closing door, then shifted in the chair. Her gaze met the secretary’s calculating glare. How much had she heard? Sharon smiled, but the other woman went back to her work, ignoring her. Sharon sighed and returned her attention to the papers. Joe’s image kept intruding. What was he doing in a place like Hollow Bend? She could imagine all the hearts fluttering in the small town. Not hers, of course, but others. When the forms were completed, she took them up to the counter. The woman looked over the application while Sharon waited. There wasn’t a hint of encouragement on the secretary’s face. "That’s all for now, Mrs. Quinn. The positions must be posted for a full week before we can begin interviewing. We’ll be in touch." Deflated, Sharon murmured her thanks and turned toward the door. What had she expected, a red carpet and brass band to herald her return to the job market? On the way home, she passed the cemetery, but didn’t go in. She didn’t want to see Tom’s name on a plot in the ground.

Was there something wrong with her for refusing to acknowledge the gravesite? Most widows she knew made weekly visits and seemed to draw comfort from it. The whole ritual was alien to Sharon. Resolutely putting it out of her mind, she thought about the position at her sons’ high school. *** "I know," Joseph explained to Serena, "but I didn’t help her directly. Father Simmons is an ally we’ve used before. He knew what to do, once I’d whispered in his ear." Serena gazed at him for a long moment, and Joseph felt his soul laid bare. He squirmed uncomfortably, then tried a crooked grin. Serena waved her hand in dismissal as she smiled with him. "All right, no harm done. But remember, Joseph, you’re not one of them. What if you make the wrong choices for Sharon?" He swallowed hard past a very human lump in his throat. "I’ll try to do better." Joseph wondered if Serena heard his deep sigh as he left her presence. Probably. He’d never been very good at hiding anything from the Head Guardian. *** The boys knew enough to tiptoe around her the whole next week as she waited for a call. Sharon heard Luke tell David, "Mom’s in one of those moods, so watch out." She made a few more half-baked attempts at job hunting, but had her heart set on the receptionist position. Sharon called the secretary once and was politely, but firmly, told that she would be contacted soon. The mail brought a large manila envelope one morning that had been forwarded from the trucking company’s headquarters. They were sorry for the delay, the letter said. Inside were letters from Tom’s friends, information about his pension, and a MasterCharge bill. Sharon was puzzled as she looked it over. ‘Madelaine’s Lingerie Shop, Portland, Oregon, $85.’ She didn’t know what to make of it. She would’ve remembered if Tom had brought her lingerie, especially something that cost eighty-five dollars! And on a credit card she didn’t know he had. Maybe he’d had the lingerie in the truck when he crashed, and the police had thrown it away, thinking it would only be a distressing reminder. She didn’t think they could do that. Cramming the statement into the bill box, she slammed the drawer shut and decided to forget about it. *** When the call from school finally came, Sharon was a wreck. The secretary asked her to come in the next day for an interview and typing test. "Typing test? It’s been a long time." Sharon’s palms grew moist. "It’s a requirement for all applicants," the woman explained, a bit on the impatient side. "I’ll be there," Sharon assured her and dropped into a chair after she hung up. Typing test. She should have borrowed a typewriter and practiced.

It was too late now. The best thing to do was relax and get a good night’s sleep so she’d feel fresh in the morning. By the time Sharon left the Admin Office the next day, she was in a state of shock. She was positive she’ d failed the typing test, and this fact had made her tense during the interview with the principal, Mr. Greaves. He had stood after talking with her for only ten minutes. "Thank you for coming, Mrs. Quinn. We’ll be sending letters to all the applicants in just a few days." She touched his extended hand briefly, then left the room. A few days! More waiting. The principal’s description of the hours and salary involved had only made her covet the position more. As Sharon walked to the car, her feet dragged. "Hey, why so glum?" Sharon snapped out of her woolgathering to find Joe Reardon walking beside her. "Oh, hi." He shook his head with a rueful grin. "You don’t have to fall all over me with such bubbling enthusiasm." She smiled in response and explained, "I just failed a typing test and interview." "How do you know?" His warm concern made her disappointment more palpable. "Well, I think I did." She frowned, going over the experience in her mind once again, debating what she should’ve said. "How about a cup of coffee to cheer you up?" She shook her head. "Thanks, but no." "Why not?" He tilted his head to one side, reminding her of a puppy in a pet store, trying to persuade a customer to pick him up. She hesitated. Coffee sounded good, but what would people think, seeing them together? Sharon tossed her head defiantly. She wasn’t doing anything wrong. "You’re right. Why not?" Joe touched his hand to her elbow, guiding her through double doors and down a long corridor. Sharon could feel the warmth of his hand through the sleeve of her coat. "You realize I’m taking you to a pretty ritzy joint, don’t you?" he asked. She shot him a quick look of mock distress and glanced down at her clothes. "I hope I won’t embarrass you." Joe grinned. "As long as you’re with me, I think they’ll let you in." Sharon was amazed at how easily she could share his nonsensical humor. She felt good when she was with him and the burden of pain she carried was a little bit lighter. The cafeteria workers scurried frantically around the lunchroom, getting ready for the throngs of children about to invade their domain. The tinkling sound of a worker stacking glasses and the deeper clatter of ironstone plates made Sharon

wonder how much breakage was the norm. Joe suggested she find a seat while he fetched the coffee. When he returned, gingerly balancing the two cups, he said, "It may be strong, but at least it’s hot. Don’t burn your tongue." He made the warning sound intimate, and Sharon met his eyes. She took the beverage, warming her hands. His gaze warmed the rest of her. What a nice man, she thought. She’d have liked him even if he wasn’t movie-star handsome. She sniffed appreciably at the aroma of hickory-smoked barbecue sauce in the air, recognizing her friend, Esther Olson, at the same time. She vaguely remembered Esther mentioning her new position as manager. Sharon waved at the older woman when she caught her eye, and Esther smiled broadly, obviously too busy to chat. Sharon and Joe talked easily about his teaching and Luke’s progress in math. "He isn’t doing as well as he should," Joe said. "But I guess that’s to be expected. He’ll need time to adjust after everything that’s happened." "Yes," said Sharon quietly. "We all will." *** Damn, Joe thought, why had he reminded her? He waited for the slight jolt from above for using that word as he watched Sharon sip her coffee. He knew how much she’d loved her husband, and obviously still did. He wondered what it would feel like to be loved in the human way. Joe was suddenly envious of everything Tom Quinn had once had. He couldn’t remember a time when he ’d envied a human being more. Sharon had that faraway look in her eyes, and he wanted her to come back to him. "Sharon," Joe said softly, his hand touching hers. Her gaze focused on him, and he was lost in its depth. What had he been about to say? Her son. "Luke will be fine. He’s a well-adjusted kid." Sharon smiled, apparently picturing her younger son. "Yes, I think so." Her green eyes darkened. "But David…" Her voice trailed away. Joe leaned toward her. "Can I help?" That’s why he was here, after all. She sighed deeply. "I don’t know. Do you see him at school?" "He’s not in any of my classes, but I can keep an eye on him." "I’d appreciate that." Sharon stood suddenly, offering him an outstretched hand. "You’ve made me feel better, Joe, just by being here." As Joe watched her go, he thought that was the nicest thing a woman had ever said to him…in any century.

*** On the way home, Sharon thought about Joe and how safe she’d felt with him. It would be easy to become dependent on another man, but she was determined to find strength within herself. She also decided not to worry about the interview and concentrate on her sons. She’d been in such a daze; they must feel neglected. David had always been quiet, but was even more so now. He seemed to dwell in his own world, one in which she held no part. Where had their closeness gone? It had vanished the day Tom died, she realized. It was terrible how many lives had been shattered by the loss of one. Each evening, Sharon tried to draw her boys out concerning their activities. Luke became belligerent more than once, and she put it down to the adjustment he had to make. It wasn’t like him, her sunny, carefree Luke. "Don’t bug me, Mom, okay?" he said. "I have a right to ask about your homework," she replied. Sharon had to swallow the hurt. It would take time, she kept telling herself. She didn’t know how to handle Luke, who’d never been moody. Of course, he was going into those teenage years when parents were considered the enemy or, at the least, uncool. David made an effort to answer her questions about school, but their talks often ended in uneasy silences. Sharon was afraid she was losing her children. If only Tom were here…he’d kid them all out of their doldrums, and they’d feel like a family again. Then she admitted how often his job had taken him on the road. It was up to her, as it always had been. Maybe she was stronger than she thought. She remembered how Joe Reardon had made her feel as if he believed in her. *** Joseph felt a strange sensation come over him as he "heard" Sharon’s thoughts. She was thinking about him. His face flushed with pleasure. What a rare gift to share another’s mind, and it hadn’t happened to him since…since the small boy who was about to die. That assignment had been both painful and poignant. He tried talking with the other guardians about their missions, but they all seemed to have a clearer perspective than he did. Joseph’s friend, Adrian, had worked with him many times. "What do you mean, do I have regrets? About what?" Adrian asked. Joseph shrugged. "You know, about being a guardian, being involved with them." Adrian shook his head. "I don’t understand. What greater honor and joy could there be?" Why was it so difficult for him? Joseph suspected, and Serena sometimes hinted, that he needed better control over his emotional involvement. Joseph persisted. "Don’t you ever wish you were one of them?"

Adrian laughed out loud. "No, never." He looked back at Joseph intently. "Is something wrong?" Joseph sighed. "No, not exactly. No." "Relax and learn to appreciate our gifts," Adrian advised. He winked before he faded from view. Joseph tried to focus in on Sharon’s thoughts when he was alone again. When he was with her, he could feel the tumult beneath the surface and knew her grief caused her great confusion and pain. He’d gladly take her pain upon himself, but that wasn’t allowed. He wondered why not and decided to bring it up at the next guardian meeting. *** This took place about a week later if measured by earth time. When the moment came for questions about their missions, Joseph was the first to speak. "Why can’t we ease their pain?" "Pain teaches and strengthens," Michael explained. "Sometimes their pain is unbearable; surely you know that." Joseph realized he was on the brink of insubordination, but didn’t stop. "I want more freedom to change things, to make their lives easier." "It’s not our way," Michael said. That didn’t satisfy Joseph. "Why not?" Michael studied him for a moment before continuing. "I think you already know the answer, Joseph. Is there something else you’re not telling us?" Joseph wasn’t ready to go into detail about his strange feelings at this time. "No. I just wondered." *** David was late coming home from school one day, and when Sharon asked where he’d been, he merely said, "I was busy." She asked a second time. "I want to know why you’re late." "I was studying. At the library." He didn’t look at her, but down at his feet. "Why don’t you study at home? You have that nice desk in your room." Sharon wanted her sons where she could see them. Somehow, she’d keep them safe from harm. "I had to look up something, okay?" His tone was almost desperate. Sharon studied his intense young features. His explanation made sense. Maybe she should get off his back and quit acting like the all-protective mother, especially after being so out-of-touch those first few months after… "I’m sorry, hon. I was just worried. Try and call if you’re going to be late, all right?" He nodded, then mumbled, "Sure," before moving toward the stairs. Sharon watched him go and felt helpless. All she’d ever wanted was a close, happy family. Was that too

much to ask? Emitting a deep sigh, she flicked on the TV, only to stare, unseeing, at the screen. After awhile, her thoughts turned to Joe. She wondered what he was doing. *** Joseph requested a consultation with Serena in the Garden of Roses, named for the Virgin Mary. He found it to be an especially peaceful place, with a fragrance that seeped into his soul. Serena waited patiently for him to tell her what was on his mind. "Her sons are having a rough time with their father’s death," he reported. Serena nodded. "It’ll take time for them to heal." "But, couldn’t we hurry the process? Make it easier?" He knew he was becoming a nag on the subject. Serena touched him briefly, sending a surge of illumination through him. Joseph couldn’t see the future as clearly as he usually did. He only saw that his role was important. "The life journey on earth is often a series of painful struggles," Serena said. "The strong survive." Joseph stared off in to the distance as if he could see all the souls who’d lived since the beginning of mankind. "They’re very brave, aren’t they?" "Yes, Joseph, they are." Serena stood to signal that she was needed elsewhere. "It may not seem fair sometimes, but you’ll be able to help by simply being you. Trust me." Joseph had never felt so helpless. Another bolt of illumination wouldn’t hurt, but his superior had already vanished. *** When David was late for the fourth time, Sharon demanded to know why. That wasn’t being over-protective, just exercising her parental responsibility. He eyed her defiantly before answering, "Looking for a job." His answer stunned her. "You don’t have to do that. I’ll find work soon. Mr. Phelps at the employment office said he’d let me know as soon as something comes up." David straightened, and Sharon noticed how tall he was. Her son was becoming a man. "We need the money, Mom. I want to help out." His jaw was squarely set, and she realized she shouldn’t argue with him. He was growing up and wanted her to acknowledge that fact. Besides, he needed to keep busy instead of dwelling on unhappy thoughts. She tried to back down gracefully. "Thank you, David, I do appreciate your help. Had any luck?" "Not yet, but soon, I hope." She studied his handsome face, with the dark hair and blue eyes. She’d feel better if he were happier. What he needed now was her love and encouragement. Sharon attempted a shaky smile. "I can’t imagine anyone turning you down." He leaned over to kiss her on the cheek. "Thanks, Mom, but aren’t you just a little bit prejudiced?"

"Who, me? Of course not." She ruffled his hair. He said he had some studying to do, and she asked if he’d seen his brother. David paused. "He mentioned he was going to practice." "Practice? What kind of practice?" This was the first she’d heard. "I don’t know. I’m just telling you what he said." David shifted his books and headed up the stairs. If she couldn’t keep track of what her kids were doing now, what would happen when she began working? Later, Sharon heard a car outside and wondered if someone had given Luke a ride. She didn’t see anything when she looked out front. A few minutes later, he came through the back door, whistling. When he saw his mother, he stopped to take off his shoes. "Where have you been?" Her words came out sharper than she’d intended. "Trying out for football." "Football?! Without talking it over with me?" She propped her hands on her hips. He didn’t answer, but turned to the open door. Joe Reardon stepped into the room and stood behind Luke. Sharon dropped her hands to her sides, flustered by his sudden appearance. "You knew about this?" Joe’s dark eyes met hers with a steady gaze. "I suggested it." "Okay, then why didn’t you tell me?" She was feeling left out, just when she needed her family close. Joe moved around Luke, saying over his shoulder, "Better go upstairs. I want to talk to your mother." Luke hesitated, his gaze shifting from his mother to his teacher. "Stay here, son." Sharon’s voice was low, but firm. If this was a standoff, she’d make it clear who was in charge. "Please, Sharon… Mrs. Quinn, I’d like to talk to you alone, if that’s okay." Apparently Joe’s deep voice carried more authority than hers did because Luke left the room with little more than a sheepish glance for his mother. She stared at Joe incredulously. He raised his hands in an apologetic gesture. "I’m sorry. I shouldn’t interfere like that, but I can see how upset you are. I’m only trying to help." She sat down, realizing she might have overreacted. Joe sat next to her. "Now," he began, "I didn’t think about Luke trying out for the team before, but he hasn’t missed too many practices. We’re late getting started this year because the head coach is in the hospital with respiratory problems." He rubbed the back of his neck. "I’m filling in until he returns. That’s why Luke didn’t have a chance to

tell you. He didn’t know until today." "He could have called." "He tried, but you didn’t answer." Sharon had been at Paula’s that afternoon, but wasn’t satisfied. "Football’s too rough. He’ll get hurt." She was making excuses, and they both knew it. She felt a headache coming on. "I sound like an overwrought mother, don’t I?" "There’s something else you should know. Luke has been in some trouble at school. He’s going through a rebellious phase…" "Luke?" She’d seen the signs of rebellion herself, hadn’t she? "Believe me, it’s true. But rather than discipline him through punishment, I talked to Mr. Greaves, and he agreed that getting involved in sports would be a good outlet for Luke’s aggression. That’s why I brought him home tonight, to see what you think." Sharon’s mind whirled. She’d been so worried about David and finding a job for herself that she’d forgotten what Luke was going through. He was the one she always expected to land on his feet. She met Joe’s gaze. "I guess I didn’t realize…but you think this will help?" He grinned crookedly. "Almost never fails. When a boy becomes part of a team, it’ll either make him or break him. I think Luke’s behavior will improve. The fact that I’m his coach tips things in his favor, don’t you think?" Sharon couldn’t help but smile at his audacity. "If you say so, coach. I guess it wouldn’t hurt to keep him busy." She paused. "Will you let me know if he gets in to any more trouble? I’m afraid I’ve been wrapped up in my own problems." "Don’t be too hard on yourself. You’re doing a fine job. Those are great kids you have, but even a mother can’t stop the painful process of growing up." His words made her feel a little better. Maybe she wasn’t doing so badly after all. Her sons would be going through changes even if they hadn’t lost their father. She hesitated before asking, "Have they hired anyone for the receptionist job yet?" "Not that I know of, but I can check, if you want." "No," she said, "please don’t. I was just wondering. Maybe I’ll call the office again." The secretary wasn’ t very friendly, though. The chair scraped backward as he got up to leave. "If you need anything, please let me know. Promise?" She held out her hand, and he grasped it longer than necessary, but she didn’t mind. His touch spoke of strength. "I will, thanks. Sorry I bit your head off when you came in." "Don’t worry about me. I’m used to facing ferocious mothers. It’s all in the line of duty. By the way, there’s a game next week. You should come. Luke would like that." His dark eyes glistened with warmth.

She nodded slowly. "Maybe I will." He shouldn’t look at her like that. It made her feel all funny inside. "Call me Sharon," she said, realizing it was important that he did. "All right, Sharon. See you at school." She watched him drive away before heading for the kitchen. Filling the sink with hot sudsy water, she washed up the few dishes, needing something to do. Things were happening too fast. She’d just lost her husband, and now her sons were pulling at the apron strings. She was grateful for Joe’s support, but wary of the growing reliance she felt. Just the way he’d said her name should be a warning. It might be difficult to think of him as simply a friend. She turned on the water to rinse and nearly scalded her fingers. With a deep sigh, Sharon went to the foot of the stairs and called up. "David, Luke. You can come down now." Maybe after dinner, they’d have a long talk about their future. They were still a family, and that’s how it was going to be. *** Joe had never felt so frustrated. Sharon was fighting valiantly to hold her family together, and all he could think about was holding her, taking care of her. He wasn’t supposed to have these feelings. How could he accomplish anything if he didn’t think or feel like an angel? She’d gotten under his skin without lifting a finger, and he doubted she was even aware of him as a man. You’re not a man, you’re a guardian angel, he reminded himself. It would be best to remember that. He could still smell the fragrance of her perfume, as powerful as a love potion. Would she ever get over her husband? He shook his head. He definitely had to get a grip on reality. When he reached his apartment, Joe went straight to the shower and turned the faucet on hot until the bathroom was full of steam. He needed to relax and forget a certain widow who dominated his dreams. But later, as Joe lay in the darkness, his thoughts returned to the lovely lady whose heart belonged to another man. He still felt like he shouldn’t have accepted this assignment. He tried to tell Serena he had a gut feeling about it. Was it too late to let go now, before he caused more harm than good? But something held him back. *** Two days later, Sharon received a letter from school. She ripped open the envelope and read the first few lines while holding her breath. "Dear Mrs. Quinn: Thank you for your interest in the receptionist\clerk position. We had many qualified applicants, making it a difficult task to decide upon one. We are sorry…" Sharon wadded the letter in to a ball and threw it into the trash basket. Her hopes were dashed with those few words. She’d have to start all over again, maybe check with the employment agency. She hadn’t realized until that moment just how badly she wanted to work at the school. It would have meant she was capable of supporting herself and her children. What would happen to them

if she never found a decent job? The thought troubled her so much she refused to accept the possibility. Sharon decided to make pies, stomping to the back porch and lugging a sack of apples into her rustic country kitchen. She slammed a knife and a newspaper onto the table, then sat down to peel, furiously skinning each apple in turn, leaving very little of the fruit. By the time the boys came home, however, the pies were baking in the oven, and she felt a little calmer. Joe was right behind them as they came through the back door. He sniffed the aroma and murmured appreciatively, "I don’t mean to barge in, but we’ve got all the ingredients for a celebration, bubbly and all." "Champagne? What’s there to celebrate?" She refused to acknowledge how her heart had skipped a beat when Joe stepped into her home. "Not really champagne, just 7-Up," he explained, then asked, "didn’t you get the letter from school?" His cheerful mood was beginning to get on her nerves. Did he have to rub it in? She nodded and pointed across the room. "It’s in the trash can." "I thought you’d be pleased." Joe looked bewildered, and her boys exchanged puzzled glances. David spoke first. "There’s nothing to be ashamed of, Mom." "What’s wrong with working in the cafeteria?" Luke asked. Sharon studied their faces. "What are you talking about?" Joe went to the wastebasket and lifted out the letter, smoothing out the wrinkles. "Didn’t you read the whole thing?"

CHAPTER 3 Sharon took the crumpled letter from Joe and pored over the contents until she reached the place she’d left off. "We’re sorry we couldn’t place all the applicants. However, there is an urgent need for help in the cafeteria. It would entail six hours a day, five days a week, starting right after the Thanksgiving holiday. If you’re interested, please contact our office immediately." She tore her gaze from the page, her mouth open. "No, I didn’t see that part, but a cafeteria job?" She shook her head and read it again. David said, "It might be fun, and we’d see you during the day." "Yeah," Luke added, "and the food would improve." They waited, poised on the edge of the sofa. She needed a job and couldn’t afford to be too choosy. Should she keep looking? What if she didn’t find anything better? This was close to home and near the boys. It was the expression in Joe’s dark eyes that made up her mind. Shrugging, she said, "Why not? Cooking is one thing I know how to do."

"All right!" Luke shouted, jumping up to give her a hug. David smiled, looking proud. Joe picked up the green bottle. "See what I mean? There is a reason to celebrate. Who wants a drink of pretend champagne?" "Sounds good," Sharon said, turning to Joe. "Would you like to stay for dinner? There’s apple pie in the oven." It seemed more of an occasion with Joe there. "Thanks, I’d love to." The boys offered to round up the glasses. When they’d disappeared into the kitchen, Joe approached Sharon, his dark gaze sweeping her face. A light seemed to shine from behind his eyes. "There’s something I want to tell you before anyone else does." The ominous tone in his voice alerted her. "Is it about Luke?" Joe shook his head. "David?" "No, Sharon, it’s about the job. Mrs. Moran got the receptionist position." She stared in disbelief. "Celia Moran? She doesn’t even need a job." Sharon crossed her arms. "Well, that does it. I’m not going to work where she can gloat over me every day." Celia was a nosy neighbor, well known for her gossip and catty remarks. "I thought you needed the money," Joe said quietly. Irritated by his point-blank perception, she turned her back on him. He touched her shoulders briefly, then let his hands drop. David and Luke came into the room with the glasses and set them on the dining room table. Joe moved over to pour. "Hey, what happened to the party?" Luke asked, as if sensing tension in the air. Sharon pressed her hands to her forehead as she searched her sons’ faces. So much depended upon her and how she handled things. They desperately needed a reason to be happy, and she couldn’t take it away from them. Picking up a glass of 7-Up, Sharon lifted it in a salute. The others followed. "To Mom’s new job," Luke said. "Hear, hear," Joe added, and the boys laughed. Sharon joined in the laughter, realizing it was long overdue in this house. She was amazed at how easily Joe fit in. David seemed a little wary of the older man’s intentions, but Luke obviously regarded Joe as a hero. Sharon took another sip before saying, "I’d better check on dinner. It’ll only be a few minutes." "Need any help?" Joe asked with a twinkle in his eyes. Sharon paused at the door, thinking how nice it was to have him around. She’d better not get too used to it. "You can supervise the table setting, if you want."

That should keep him out of the kitchen where his presence would keep her in a constant state of confusion. "Yes, ma’am." He sniffed the air again. "Those pies smell great. Come on, boys, let’s get to work. The boss has spoken." Sharon’s heart turned over as she went into the other room. He could make her feel happy, and it scared the hell out of her. She didn’t want to feel content again…that’s when something bad would happen to change everything. The festive mood continued throughout dinner, with Joe teasing the boys about how much they ate, while he put away several helpings himself. Even David joined in the small talk. "I’m stuffed," Joe said, after the second piece of pie. He pushed back his chair and struggled to his feet. He began to stack the dishes. "I’ll do that," Sharon said. It hurt too much to continue the pretense, like they were a family. After all, he was single…and attractive. It just wasn’t right. Joe stood firm. "I insist." Sharon glanced at her two sons. "David and Luke will do them." Luke groaned, but David was silent. Sharon knew David was remembering his father and wanted Joe to leave. She didn’t know what to say. *** Joe understood her dilemma. "All right, if the boys are that set on doing dishes…" He shot them a teasing grin, then turned toward the front door. Sharon walked with him. "Thank you for the delicious meal," he said. "I owe you one." At the look on her face, Joe knew he shouldn’t have assumed that they’d get together again. Things weren’t solved that easily here on earth. Sharon’s grief was too raw, and the boys might feel his presence was an intrusion. Maybe Luke didn’t mind, but it was obvious that David did. He realized he’d overstayed his welcome. "Good night," Joe said, carrying with him an unbearable sense of loneliness. How did human beings play out their lives with such intense emotional experiences and limited ways to cope? He’d dealt with varying degrees of grief down through the centuries and still felt inept. Patience, he realized, was a quality he needed to practice. As Joe drove back to his small apartment, he remembered how he’d felt, looking around the table at Sharon and her sons, almost as if… He shook his head. Forget it, he told himself, then thought about the laughter they’d shared over dinner. Without thinking, he drove too far. "Dammit, I missed my turn." ***

Paula called that evening to ask if Sharon had heard anything. Sharon knew she should have let Paula know, but hadn’t wanted to phone while Joe was there. Her friend might jump to conclusions. "I’m sorry I didn’t call right away, Paula, but we had company…" She hurried on before her friend could ask whom. "The school offered me a job in the cafeteria, and I’ve decided to take it." "That’s great, but what happened to the receptionist position?" She sounded puzzled. A touch of irritation stirred in Sharon. "You won’t believe it. Celia Moran got that job." There was a moment’s silence on the line. "Paula, are you still there?" "You’re right. I don’t believe it. How did you find out?" Sharon hesitated. "Joe, I mean, Mr. Reardon told me." "Oh, when did you see him?" "He brought Luke home after football practice." Sharon hoped Paula wouldn’t ask for any more details. It wasn’t that they were dating or anything, but it might look like they were to her friend. "Hmmm," Paula murmured, obviously mulling over this news. "Celia Moran. It figures she’d waltz into something like this." Sharon went on to explain she’d be starting her new job right after Thanksgiving break. They talked a little more without Paula mentioning Ty. Sharon hoped that meant things were getting better between her friend and her husband. As she turned from the phone, she wondered if Celia knew Sharon had applied for the same position. Most likely. In the long run, it would probably work out for the best, working with Esther Olson rather than the secretary who’d snubbed her. What a day, she thought, so full of ups and downs. Funny how most of the ups seemed to occur when Joe was around. What was it about him, besides his startling good looks, athlete’s body, drop-dead gorgeous smile…stop right there, she warned herself. This simply isn’t right. Sharon called her parents the next morning to tell them about her job offer. "That’s wonderful," her mother said. "You are still coming for Thanksgiving, aren’t you?" "You think I’d miss your great cooking?" Sharon didn’t want to observe the holiday at home. In the meantime, she’d have to decide what clothes to take, who would keep an eye on the house, and what bills to pay. Sharon also called Esther. "Isn’t that great? We’ll be working together!" "We surely need you," Esther said. "Just enjoy the holiday, and we’ll fill you in on your first day. Don’t stress about it." Somehow, Sharon decided, she’d manage to avoid Celia completely so the woman wouldn’t have an opportunity to gloat.

*** As the days passed, Sharon grew increasingly concerned about the Banners. Every time she called, Paula said, "I’m sorry, Sharon, can’t talk now, gotta make dinner," or some other excuse to get off the phone. She was afraid things weren’t going well after all. One afternoon, she decided to drop by and see for herself. As soon as she got out of the car, she could heard Ty shouting inside the house. "Leave me alone, woman. You don’t understand." The front door opened and he stepped outside. Ty started to say more, but snapped his mouth shut when he saw Sharon. He turned back to Paula and said, "Your friend’s here." Sharon had always thought she was his friend, too. The look of despair in his eyes belied the rudeness of his manner. "Is Paula home?" she asked, forcing a smile as if she hadn’t heard anything. He lowered his gaze and mumbled, "Yeah, she’s home. Go on in." Brushing by her, he went down the steps, climbed into his truck and drove away. Sharon stood on the porch wondering what to do, when Paula appeared. Her eyes were puffy and red. Sharon was embarrassed and figured Paula was, too. Maybe she should’ve waited until Paula came to her. Sitting down, she figured it was too late now to pretend she hadn’t heard their argument. "Are you all right?" Sharon asked her friend. Paula sat across from her and buried her face in her hands. "Sharon, I’m so scared." Sharon reached over and touched Paula’s arm. "It’s not getting any better?" There was no reason to pretend any longer. Paula shook her head as a single tear rolled down her cheek. "I love him so much. I don’t want to lose him, but he won’t tell me what’s bothering him. I don’t even think he loves me anymore." "I’m sure that’s not true, Paula. Why don’t you and the kids stay with me for awhile? Maybe that will give Ty a chance to think things through." She’d spoken impulsively, but realized it was a good idea and might even induce Ty to patch up their marriage. Paula jumped up and went to the window. "I hear his truck coming. You’d better go, Sharon." Ty’s truck came to a screeching stop, and immediately after, the car door slammed. His footsteps pounded on the wooden porch, and the front door opened. The tension in the air was so thick, Sharon knew it was best for her to leave. "I’ll talk to you later," she told Paula. "Goodbye, Ty." Paula didn’t walk her to the door. Sharon’s heart grew heavy as she climbed into the car. Poor Paula and poor Ty. There must be something she could do. Maybe Father Simmons could stop by the Banner place… But Sharon knew it was up to them to seek

help. She drove home, carrying a desperate feeling for them all. *** During the next week, Sharon saw Joe only briefly the few times he brought Luke home from practice. She missed his steady presence more than she cared to admit. One word came to mind when she thought of him—trust. He was someone she could trust. She didn’t know why, maybe it was the warm understanding in his dark eyes; whenever he looked at her, she felt special. Was it wrong to feel that way? She didn’t allow her thoughts to go any further than that. Life was complicated enough already. *** At Joe’s suggestion, Sharon did attend the next Friday night’s game with David. The stadium lights and bright blue and gold of the cheerleaders’ pompoms added to the air of excitement capturing the spectators. Luke beamed when he saw them in the stands. He said something to his coach, and Joe’s gaze followed Luke’s until he spotted them and waved. Luke was thrilled to be part of the football team, and Sharon had noticed a lightening of his dark moods lately. She still worried about injuries, though. She turned to David. "Want a hot dog?" "No, thanks." Sharon wondered where his thoughts had been. "Aren’t you hungry at all?" They hadn’t had time to eat before leaving home. "No." David stared at the field. Sharon shrugged and turned her attention to the spectacle before her, with her mind on her older son. "What’s wrong?" she asked. Why were his moods so changeable? Every time she thought he was opening up a little, he withdrew again. It tore her apart. David didn’t answer, but gave her a sideways glance that discouraged any further conversation. Sharon struggled to forget her problems, at least during the game. The teams were exercising at opposite ends of the field. When the announcer called the starting lineups, the home crowd cheered at an ear-splitting level. An official blew the whistle, and it was time for the kick-off. It was cold out, but Sharon was warm with anticipation. It wasn’t easy to keep an eye on Luke through all the scrimmages and tackles, but she was soon caught in the spirit of the night and cheered along with the rest of the crowd. Every so often, her glance strayed toward the sidelines and the tall, dark-haired man so intent upon the action. She could see how tensed his muscles were, even from this distance.

What was it about him that drew her? Sure, he was handsome, but she’d never measured a man by his looks alone. She knew she wasn’t ready to become involved with another man and maybe never would be. She simply enjoyed having him for a friend. Just keep telling yourself that, she chided inwardly. Melanie, Paula’s daughter, came over and sat down next to David. She whispered something in his ear, and he jerked away. "I said I’m not ready yet." Melanie retorted, "It’s time to get on with your life, David." When he didn’t answer, she stood and walked away, with barely a glance at Sharon. "What did Melanie want?" Sharon asked her son. David avoided her gaze. "Nothing." Sharon was tired of his attitude, but restrained her temper. This wasn’t the place for a showdown. She wanted to be patient, but was rapidly running out of her short supply. Worse yet, she didn’t know who to turn to concerning him. Her father’s image flashed into her mind. He had a way of talking to his grandsons, man to man and quickly getting to the bottom of things. People confided in him without a second thought. She’d ask him for advice when they went down for Thanksgiving. It gave her some small hope. After the victorious outcome for the home team, David and Sharon were leaving the stands when someone took hold of her arm. It was Joe. She smiled up at him, breathless at being so close to him after a whole week. "Good game, coach." He wore a broad grin, showing his perfect teeth, as the wind ruffled his dark hair. His eyes shone with excitement. "Did you see Luke’s interception?" "Of course! Didn’t you hear me yelling?" "Matter of fact, I did notice a slightly hysterical mother in the stands." Their gazes locked until David cleared his throat. Joe turned to him. "How about coming out with the team for pizza?" His invitation included them both. Sharon tossed David an inquiring look, but he shook his head. "No, thanks." Sharon’s forehead lowered in a frown. She wanted very much to go, but wasn’t sure about leaving David alone in this strange, brooding mood. "Come on, David, let’s go. It’ll do us both good." Joe waited patiently, his expectant glance going from Sharon to her son. David hesitated, then said, "Why don’t you go, Mom? I’ll be fine." "You don’t mind?"

"No." He even managed a ghost of a smile. Sharon didn’t think about it too long, or she’d talk herself out of it. Still, David tugged on her heartstrings. But he obviously didn’t want company. "Okay," she said to Joe. "Shall I follow you?" "Why don’t you ride with me, and David can take your car home?" "I’m sure you won’t mind a chance to drive," she chided as she handed David the keys. David took the keys. "See you later." Sharon watched him go, worrying. Maybe they could talk when she got home. Luke came up, and his gaze followed hers. "Coming, Mom?" She smiled. "You won’t be embarrassed?" "Naw." "You played great, Luke. I’m impressed." His face lit up and his ears reddened. "Thanks. Gotta hit the showers." He ran to catch up with his teammates. Her attention drawn back to Joe, she caught him studying her. Sharon was startled by the tenderness in his eyes, and her heartbeat accelerated. Only Tom had looked at her like that, and not very often. The thought of her husband made Sharon blink, and she lowered her gaze, confused. "Want to wait in my car while I hurry these guys up?" Joe asked her. Another exchange of keys and Sharon headed for his red Chevy. The sporty model suited him, she thought, then tried not to think about him too much. The scent of Joe’s after-shave seemed to envelop her in the confines of the small car. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, then shook her head. What was she doing? She felt like a high-school girl on a date with the team captain. It was barely ten minutes later when Joe slid in beside her. "Hi," he said softly, as if they’d been separated for months instead of moments. "Hi, yourself." It was easy to smile back at him. The moonlight heightened his dark good looks, and she kept on smiling until she felt foolish. "Where’re the boys?" He shifted to face her. "They’ll be along any minute. Hungry?" "Starved." Actually, she hadn’t been thinking about food, but her stomach growled. "See?" Luke rapped on the window, then opened the door. "I’ll ride with Andy, okay, coach? See you at Conto ’s." "Right," Joe said and turned the ignition. Sharon gave him a suspicious look. "I think you just wanted me along to help you handle all those kids."

He glanced over. "This is a first for me, inviting a mother. We’ll see if it’s worth the extra expense." "Thanks a lot," she said, punching his arm. He smiled. "You’re welcome." When he pulled up to Conto’s Pizza Parlor, most of the team members were already there. Joe opened the door for Sharon. She experienced another brief moment of guilt, which she instantly swallowed. She’d made a deal with herself to go on living, hadn’t she? There was no turning back. The alternative was unthinkable. Inside, the restaurant was a jumble of color and chaos. Peppermint-striped swags hung at every window, with matching helium balloons as a centerpiece for each table. "Hey coach, over here!" The noise level made conversation almost impossible unless they shouted. They waited in line to place their order. Sharon enjoyed being with the boisterous teenagers, and Joe. She watched her fair-haired son joke with his friends and knew she had Joe to thank. He’d been right to get Luke involved in sports. Not many men would have taken such a personal interest. They found a huge table, and rehashed the game until the pizzas came. Sharon was given first slice, as the only woman present. She knew Joe watched as mozzarella stretched from the pizza to her mouth. He handed her a napkin, then used another to wipe some sauce off her nose. "You kids sure are messy," he teased. Sharon realized Luke observed Joe’s action, but didn’t seem disturbed by it. She knew David would’ve been. She licked her lips, and Joe’s gaze drew to her mouth. She, in turn, studied his. What would his kiss be like? Just imagining his lips against hers made her lightheaded. "What are you thinking?" Joe asked for her ears alone. "I’ll never tell," she said, kidding, but her heart thumped. She tried to ignore him the rest of the meal until he asked, "What did I do wrong?" Nothing, she told him silently, except to be too attractive and too kind to a very lonely woman. Aloud, she said, "You took the last piece of Hawaiian pizza." When it was time to go, Joe asked the waiter to wrap some pepperoni slices for Sharon to take home to David. She doubted if anything would have touched her more than the fact that he’d remembered her older son. She smiled gratefully and tucked the package into her purse. This time, Luke rode with them, at Sharon’s insistence. "You’re a freshman, and you don’t need to stay out late." She also needed a buffer between her and Joe. As she listened to Luke and Joe discuss the game, Sharon felt a growing interest in the sport. When they arrived at the house, Luke murmured, "Thanks, coach," as he got out of the car and bounded up the front steps. So much for the buffer.

She turned to Joe. "That was fun. Thanks for taking me." "Get enough to eat?" He sounded amused. Sharon nodded. "Was I worth it?" The amusement left Joe’s gaze and his jaw tightened. "More than you know," he said in his deep voice. Any reply she might have made stuck in her throat, so she decided it was time to end the evening. "Night," she said, opening the door before he could open it for her. "Wait," he said, with his hand on her arm. "No, Joe, it’s best this way." She smiled to soften her words. "Thanks for the pizza." She didn’t want him to walk her to the house, not in the vulnerable mood she was in. She turned and waved, only to find him staring after her. What had he meant when he said, ‘more than you know’? As soon as she let herself in, Sharon searched for David. He was in the living room, watching TV. From the noise in the kitchen, she knew where Luke had gone. "Hi, hon. Joe saved you some pizza." She pulled out the foil-wrapped package. "I already ate." Her eyes widened. "Not hungry for pizza? Let me check your temperature." She reached for his forehead. "Don’t, Mom." He pushed her hand away. Sharon frowned and sat down beside him. "All right, what’s bothering you? Is it Melanie?" Maybe she was prying, but it would help everyone if he’d open up. He stared at the TV, then raised his gaze to meet hers. She was shocked by the pain in his eyes. "I just need some time, and Melanie doesn’t understand. I don’t want to be close to anyone right now…" Sharon squeezed his hand as the sting of tears burned her. "I know, honey. You’re afraid to care because it hurts so much." I’m afraid, too, she admitted silently. She hugged him. "I love you, David, and I want you to be happy. You will be again, I know it." Did she have the right to promise something over which she had no control? She had to believe he’d be happy someday. "Is there any way I can help, other than being a nagging mother?" She caught the slight grin and felt rewarded. "I guess I’m used to the nagging, so you’d better keep it up. It was awfully quiet around here when you weren’t acting like yourself." Sharon’s heart hurt at the image his words evoked. Two grief-stricken boys who’d had no one to turn to.

She’d never let them down again. Sharon kissed his cheek before she stood, leaving the pizza on the coffee table. On the way upstairs, she heard the sound of aluminum foil ripping. *** Joseph asked Serena to halt his assignment. Serena refused. "It might be easier if I could tap in to the Knowledge now and then." He felt an unfamiliar surge of irritation. What was happening to him? He was all mixed up and felt that he’d lost all sense of direction. "You know it’s forbidden when a guardian has face-to-face contact with the humans. You already have an unfair advantage." Joseph frowned. "And how’s that?" He certainly didn’t feel as if he were any wiser, smarter, stronger… Serena was silent for a long moment while Joseph waited. Finally, she spoke. "You don’t have complete forgetfulness like they do. In essence, they’re traveling blind." Joseph thought about her words. "It hurts, Serena." At the moment, he felt that forgetfulness would be a blessing. "I know, Joseph, but it’ll all be clear when the right time comes." He had to accept her word, but admitted he had grave doubts. *** Thanksgiving vacation finally arrived. Sharon and the boys managed to pack the small car with their entire luggage, then squeeze themselves in for the trip. "I think we brought enough for three weeks instead of three days," she grumbled. The only saving factor was that it wasn’t too far to the McIver place in Haden Lake, about an hour and a half drive. Sharon had thought of asking Joe to join them since he didn’t have any family in Hollow Bend, but somehow it didn’t seem the proper thing to do. She did ask if he had plans. He’d replied, "Not really, but I have some work to catch up on." She hesitated. "Are you sure you’ll be all right?" Joe smiled. "Worried about me?" "A little." "I like that," he said, with that intense look that could see inside her. Sometimes, he seemed terribly lonely and they’d never talked about his family. When she asked, he simply changed the subject. Was he hiding something? They passed harvested fields, rocky hills, an occasional deer searching for food. Sharon loved the beauty

of Idaho and couldn’t imagine living anywhere else. She was glad, though, that a typical winter snowstorm hadn’t yet hit the area. Luke spotted the turn-off first, with it’s blue mailbox, standing at an angle. The road was bumpy, but solid enough that it withstood most weather. The white clapboard house with the wide porch came in to view. Home, Sharon thought, with a feeling of contentment. It was wonderful to see her folks. Her mother wore the ever-present apron and sensible shoes, her wispy hair pulled back in a bun. "I’m so glad you’re here, child," her mother said with tears in her eyes. Bea hugged Sharon with a bone-crushing embrace as Harry waited his turn. Sharon smiled warmly at her diminutive dad. He’d always reminded her of a leprechaun, at least her image of one. "Come here, daughter," he said. Harry sniffed loudly when she hugged him, and Sharon clung to his wiry frame a little longer. He was using the same woodsy pipe tobacco she remembered. "Just look at my handsome grandsons," Bea said. "You must have to fight the girls off with baseball bats." "Not quite, Grandma," Luke said with a grin, "but almost." David tapped his brother playfully. "Don’t you wish, little brother." "Let’s get inside," their grandmother said, "unless you boys want to bring the suitcases in first." She shivered from the cold. The mountain peaks in the distance were covered in white. Sharon tossed the keys to David, and he opened the trunk. "Might as well." "How are you managing, dear?" her mother asked when they found a moment alone. Sharon gazed at the plump gray-haired woman with the bright blue eyes. She knew her mother needed reassurances. "I’ve got the boys, Mom, and now the job. We’ll be all right…eventually." She paused as her voice broke. "It’s just so hard," Sharon finished in a whisper. "I know, darlin’," Bea said as she patted her daughter’s back. "I wish we lived closer." Sharon put her arm around her. "I know, but you and Dad are near enough if we need you." For a moment, she was tempted to mention what a help Joe had been, but thought better of it. They wouldn’t understand. She spoke of something else instead. "It’ll seem strange going to work, but it might be fun." "It’ll fill the empty spaces of time," Bea said, nodding. "Well, as Dad said, life is meant for the living." Harry walked in and heard Sharon’s last sentence. "Does that mean I’m forgiven for leaving you barely a week after the funeral? I think your mother cried for two weeks after we got home." He cast his wife an affectionate glance. "Couldn’t bear the thought of your suffering and swore she’d never forgive me." His voice grew husky. "I just felt like we were holding you back, like you needed some time…"

Bea’s eyes teared up and she brushed the moisture away. Sharon smiled. "Of course, you’re forgiven. I finally realized you were trying to tell me I had to go on, no matter what." Her smile changed to a frown as she thought of her sons. "I’m worried about David, though. He’s so quiet, more so than ever." Her father scratched his chin. "Aye, I’ve been thinking about him myself. Should I have a word with the lad?" "Please. If you have a chance." *** Later in the day, Harry had that chance. Luke was at a neighbors’, shooting hoops, while David sat alone on the front porch. Harry studied him for a moment. He had his mother’s gentleness, but there was something of his father in him. Tom had had his brooding dark side, too. He moved toward the boy, clearing his throat as he sat down beside him. Harry slipped his arm around David and gave him a brief squeeze. "How’s my number one grandson?" David smiled. "I’m fine, Grampa." Harry’s gaze swept over the yard as he tried to think of a way to draw the boy out. "How’s school?" he asked, studying David’s expression. "It’s all right." So, it’s that way, is it? Harry thought. Reveal nothing. He exhaled as he pulled out his pipe and filled it from the pouch he always carried. David watched, and Harry lengthened the procedure, taking several deep puffs. "Wanna try?" He didn’t mean to encourage smoking, but wanted to acknowledge David’s leaning toward manhood. A rare grin lit David’s face. "No thanks, but I like the smell. Besides, Mom would kill me, and you, too." "Aye, that she would." They sat in companionable silence until David spoke again. "Everything changes, doesn’t it, Grampa?" His tone was that of an old man, weary with the world. It pierced Harry’s heart. "Aye, lad. That’s the way of life." He shifted his weight and leaned against a corner post. "But that doesn’t mean all change is bad. You can be content again, if you give it a try." David shook his head. "I don’t think I can. It’s too late now." He stared at the ground. "Dad and I never…we were never close, but I wanted to know him better. Deep down, anyway." He looked at his grandfather. "He…intimidated me, I guess. Always larger than life. I never felt I could live up to what he expected." Harry weighed his words, knowing he’d have few opportunities left to speak his mind while his

grandsons were willing to listen. "It’s natural for a boy to feel that way about his father, David, but you can rest assured that he was very, very proud of you. Tom loved his family very much." David’s eyes filled with tears, so Harry went on. "You have a lot ahead of you. Make the most of it, and you’ll be fine. In fact, there’s one thing to remember when your whole world seems darkest. It will change." David nodded slowly. "If only…" "Aye," said Harry. "Each life is full of ‘if onlys’. Everyone has regrets when he loses a loved one, but you’ re human, David. Don’t dwell on them, lad. It’ll drive you mad." "Do you have some ‘if onlys’, Grampa?" Harry blinked back the tears as he thought of his infant son, buried so long ago. "Your mother should have had a brother," he said, his voice soft. "He died at birth and I nearly lost your grandma." David’s blue eyes searched his grandfather’s features. "Mom told me about it once. How do you keep from remembering?" Harry drew on his pipe, sending smoke spiraling upward. "I don’t, David. Do remember, don’t fight it. That way, you’ll always have a part of your father. But at the same time, look ahead. Eventually, you’ll like what you see." David was silent after that, pondering his grandfather’s advice. Harry didn’t know if he’d helped, but felt he’d said enough on the subject for now. "Here comes your brother. Must be time for supper." *** While the Quinns were in Haden Lake, Joseph found himself driving by their darkened house at least twice a day. He also drove himself crazy thinking about their safety in the holiday traffic, so he hovered over them frequently, silently watching. He missed Sharon more than he cared to admit and knew that wasn’t wise. He’d have to say goodbye eventually and wasn’t sure how he’d manage. He knew he’d worry about her always, no matter where he was. He decided to spend some time with his fellow guardians, trying to soak up the joy so inherent in their beings. Their discussions were fascinating and engaging, but Joseph’s mind kept wandering. Finally, he sought out Serena. "What’s happening to me?" he cried in anguish. "I want to be back the way I was, in control of my destiny, sure of my role." "Is that really what you want, Joseph, to never have met the Quinn family?" He hung his head in defeat and mumbled a soft, "No." Serena smiled and touched his shoulder, sharing her strength and wisdom. "You’ll be all right with this,

Joseph. Trust me."

CHAPTER 4 Sharon didn’t have much time to fret over starting the new job. They reached Hollow Bend late Sunday afternoon and were surprised to find a note from Joe. "The fire’s ready to light, and there’s a pan of cocoa in the fridge. Just warm it up. Welcome home, Joe." Sharon couldn’t believe it. What a sweet thing to do. Paula must’ve let him in, she decided. She headed for the phone to call him, then changed her mind. She’d see him at school tomorrow and thank him then. "He shouldn’t have come in our house while we were gone," David began and was silenced by a look from his mother. Thoughts of Joe stayed with her throughout the evening, no matter how hard she tried to brush them aside. She kept thinking of the cozy fire and cocoa he’d left for them. It would’ve been nice if he’d been there, too. After several loads of laundry were done and the family fed, Sharon fell into an exhausted sleep. The boys decided to ride to school with her the next day, even though she had to go in an hour earlier than they did. Luke wanted to run laps to stay in shape, and David could spend the time in the library. Sharon appreciated their moral support and knew they were proud of her. Luke unfolded his stocky legs and climbed out of the car. "Don’t forget, Mom, I have practice after school." She nodded. "All right, see you later." He gave her his thumbs-up signal and waited for David. "Good luck," said her older son. "Thanks." She smiled in to the handsome young face. How vulnerable he looked. Would he ever be the same again? She hoped he was a survivor, along with the rest of the family. Her father had told her a little about their talk, but not enough to reassure her. As soon as her sons disappeared into the brick building, a wave of nervousness washed over her. Could she handle a job and her family? Many women did, though she had trouble understanding how they did it. Sharon parked in the employees’ zone and hurried toward the cafeteria. She paused momentarily when she spied Joe leaning against the wall next to the entrance. It was so good to see him, her heart flipped over. She consciously calmed her breathing and continued toward him. "Hello, stranger," she called, then realized she’d let the joy slip into her voice. Joe straightened and smiled, a deep welcoming smile that made her feel warm inside. He took both her hands into his own, and they stood grinning as foolishly as a pair of cheshire cats.

When it appeared Joe would be happy to go on holding her hands without saying a word, Sharon asked, "Why are you hanging around the cafeteria door?" "Just waiting to wish you luck." A lock of black hair curled onto his forehead, and Sharon itched to smooth it back for him. Instead, she pulled her hands from his grasp and tucked them into her coat pockets. "Thanks, I’m sure I’ll need it. By the way, we all enjoyed the fire and hot chocolate last night. That was very thoughtful." "My pleasure," he said in a tone that seemed to mean more than his words. She remembered to inquire, "How was your Thanksgiving?" He grimaced. "Actually, I tried cooking a turkey dinner for the first time. It wasn’t too bad." Sharon was appalled at the picture he described and regretted not inviting him to join them on their trip. She wondered what her parents would have said. Joe must’ve guessed her thoughts from the look on her face. "Hey, don’t worry about me." She wasn’t convinced. "You ate all alone? Are you sure you had turkey?" Joe laughed, his white teeth in sharp contrast to his tanned complexion. "You don’t think I can take care of myself?" Sharon began to feel uncomfortable with the direction of the conversation. She sounded like an overprotective mother…or wife. Glancing at her watch, she said, "Well, I’d better get to work. I’d hate to be fired on the first day." Joe stepped aside. "You’ll do just fine. Enjoy. I’ll see you later." With an encouraging wink, he headed for the front entrance. She took a deep breath and went inside, grateful to be working for Esther Olson. The older woman could make anyone feel at ease. As far as Esther was concerned, the whole county was her family. Her heart was as big as she was. Esther spotted Sharon and grinned broadly. "Over here," she beckoned. "There’s a closet in back for your coat. I’ll get a uniform so you can change." When Sharon returned, wearing the light blue uniform with a navy apron, she watched in amazement as Esther bustled around the kitchen, issuing orders to the others. "Sadie, you handle the main course while I show Sharon what to do." Addressing the plump woman standing next to the petite Sadie, she continued, "Delores, please start the dessert, and Sharon will help with the fruit and vegetables as soon as I’m through with her." They operated as a well-oiled machine, though it didn’t take long for Sharon to realize they’d needed another worker. She had to ask a lot of questions, but was surprised how fast the morning flew by. Soon, she stood at the serving counter dishing up the steamy sausage casserole to hungry youngsters. The din in the cafeteria quickly rose to a dull roar.

She’d all but forgotten Celia Moran worked at the school, too, until her neighbor paused in front of her. Celia’s black hair was pulled back and tied with a lavender scarf that matched her suit. Sharon felt frumpy in her now food-stained uniform, but she straightened her shoulders and said, "Hello, Celia." The Moran woman’s lips curled in a malicious snarl. "Well, well, you can’t seem to get out of the kitchen, can you?" Sharon took a deep breath and held it while counting to ten. She counted to ten the second time, but it didn’t do any good. She’d taken all she was going to take from Celia Moran. "Keep the line moving, please," Sharon said. Sharon had tried to befriend the easterner until Celia had flaunted her blatant interest in Tom. She often wished the Morans would move away from Hollow Bend because they’d never fit into the rural lifestyle or way of thinking. The amusement in the other woman’s eyes vanished and was replaced by frigid anger. "Who do you think you are?" Celia began. A deep voice cut her off. "How’s it going, Sharon?" She glanced at Joe while making a conscious effort to calm down. She shouldn’t have let Celia get under her skin, especially in public. "Fine, Joe, thanks." Eyeing Celia with a steady gaze, she murmured, "Keep the line moving, please." Joe chuckled and leaned over so that only she could hear his words. "Sheath those claws, honey, you won the first round." "I don’t feel the thrill of victory," she moaned. "Your neighbor might even be an angel in disguise and you’re being tested." "Ha!" Sharon said, "I’d know an angel if I saw one, and she certainly doesn’t qualify." When Joe gave her an amused look, she said with an answering grin, "Better keep the line moving, buster." Joe gave a somewhat sloppy salute and did as he was told. His intervention lightened her mood, and she consciously ignored Celia. Sharon continued serving, always aware of Joe’s scrutiny from a table in the corner, near a group of rowdy boys. Then the lunch hour grew so busy she didn’t notice when he left. *** All things considered, she had a successful first day. Joseph had felt like a proud parent as he watched Sharon during her first day at work. It was getting increasingly difficult to be in two places at once, though. He asked Serena about his waning powers. "Is this natural? I don’t remember feeling so weak before." Serena nearly laughed and Joseph narrowed his eyes. "What are you up to? Something I should know about?"

"You’re doing well, Joseph. The cafeteria job was just what was needed to take her mind off her sorrows." "So, she’ll be all right?" "I promise," said Serena. All in all, he felt good about the way some things were progressing. As for other areas of this mission…he’d rather not think about it. *** Sharon called Paula that night and asked about the Banners’ holiday. Paula hesitated, as if checking to see if anyone was nearby. "It didn’t go very well, Sharon, but I’ll have to talk to you later, okay?" Sharon figured things weren’t any better if Paula was afraid to talk on the phone. "Can you come over?" she asked, knowing instinctively she couldn’t go to the Banner home. "No, I’m sorry," Paula said in a low voice. "I’ll call back when I can." There was a click and the line went dead. Sharon stared at the receiver. What should she do? David walked through the room, carrying his schoolbooks. "Was Melanie at school today?" He frowned. "Yes, why?" She hung up the phone. "Paula couldn’t talk just now, and I wondered if everything was all right." David continued toward the door. "I don’t know. Melanie didn’t speak to me." "Have you given her any reason to?" Sharon hadn’t meant to be so blunt, but she was worried. David turned and looked at her. "I said hello, but she walked right by." "Hmmm, that is strange." "Stay out of it, Mom. That’s the way she wants it." He headed up the stairs without a backward glance. Sharon stared after him. Did he know something he wasn’t telling? She’d let it rest for now, but was determined to ask Paula as soon as possible. With a deep sigh, she headed for the kitchen. Baking always relaxed her, and the boys liked the aroma of chocolate chip cookies filling the house. Come to think of it, so did she. It didn’t take long for the fragrance to bring them downstairs again. *** In the days that followed, Sharon didn’t see Celia in the cafeteria again. Probably has her meals out, she thought wryly. The receptionist position paid two dollars more an hour than the cafeteria job, but Sharon began to enjoy it now that she was catching on. Her co-workers were helpful and friendly, and the four of them often found themselves weak with laughter from a comment one of them had made. Sharon accidentally dumped a bowl of whipped cream onto the counter one morning. Since it couldn’t be used, she scooped up a handful and formed a white beard and mustache on her face, then let out a deep, "Ho,

ho, ho." Her boss tried to scold her for wasting food, but couldn’t keep from laughing. As Esther leaned against the counter, gulping air between giggles, she suddenly stood upright and tried to pull herself together. "Good morning, Mr. Reardon. Your usual coffee?" "Thanks, Esther. Hi, Sharon." His voice was ripe with amusement. Her smile froze as embarrassment burned her cheeks beneath the whipped cream. Sharon turned slowly, took one look at Joe, then ran. His laughter followed her even after she banged the bathroom door shut. She moaned aloud as she stared at herself in the mirror. "You idiot," she muttered. It was amazing that Joe still admitted he knew her. He must be convinced by now that she’d completely lost her mind, and she’d have to agree with him. Esther gave Sharon a full six minutes before she stuck her head in and said, "Time to come out and face the music. You can’t hide all morning." Sharon worked steadily the rest of the day, ignoring Esther’s occasional chuckle, except to smile to herself. Sharon kept an eye on David and Luke during lunchtime whenever possible. David still avoided Melanie, or vice versa, but Sharon didn’t think she should interfere. Luke sometimes sat with the loud group of boys, and Sharon was afraid he might get into trouble again. She didn’t know what to do about it and mentioned her concern over an afternoon coffee break with Joe. It was the first time she’d talked to him since the whipped cream episode, and she could have kissed him for not bringing it up. He answered her question about Luke. "I’ll have a talk with him," he promised. "At least he’s too busy with sports to run around with that crowd after school." "Yes, I’m glad of that." She tilted her head. "Have I ever properly thanked you for getting him into football?" Joe scratched his head as he thought a minute. "No, not that I recall. You were ready to toss me out of the house when you first found out." She laughed. "I was hoping you’d forgotten." He covered her hand for an instant, just long enough for her to miss his warmth when he took it away. "I understand. You were upset at the time." She stared into his rugged face. "Are you always so nice?" His eyes were solemn as he gazed back. "No, sometimes I’m not nice at all." "Why do you say that?" Her voice was almost a whisper. Joe glanced down at his coffee cup and fingered the handle. "I’m only patient and kind when I want

something very badly." Sharon knew she shouldn’t ask, but did anyway. "And, what is it you want?" His eyes grew even darker. "Haven’t you figured that out yet?" He reached over and ran a gentle finger down her cheek, then brushed her lips with his thumb. "Just remember I’m here if you need me." He rose then and said he had to get back to class. Sharon couldn’t have replied if her life depended upon it, so sensual was his touch. There was no way to misinterpret his meaning, unless he was playing a game. She didn’t think he was that kind of man. What was she going to do about it? She liked being with Joe; there was no denying that. But if he wanted more than she could give, what then? Sharon touched the place on her mouth where his thumb had rested and shivers skipped down her spine. Then she thought about her sons and knew she could do nothing without upsetting the delicate balance of their lives. *** Joe berated himself on the way back to class. He’d lied to Sharon. He didn’t feel patient at all, especially when he desperately wanted something he couldn’t have, not now, not ever. He still didn’t understand his assignment…exactly. He wasn’t allowed to use most of his powers, when there were times they’d be most valuable. He hadn’t heard of such restrictions being placed on a guardian before. After all these eons, why this one woman? What set her apart from all the rest? The raucous chatter coming from inside his classroom halted his tormented thoughts for the moment, a blessed relief. *** Sharon wondered later if Joe had spoken to Luke because her younger son was quiet and thoughtful during dinner when he usually talked constantly. "Are you feeling okay, honey?" she asked. Luke glanced up, surprised. "Sure, Mom. Any more potatoes?" She passed the bowl, noting he hadn’t lost his appetite. David had called and said he’d be late. He had some research to do for a report. When they used to be a family of four, it seemed lonely with only two at the dinner table. "How was practice?" Luke smothered his potatoes with gravy before answering. "Good." After a huge bite, he said, "How was work?" Sharon sat back. "It was hectic, as usual, but the time goes fast."

No comment. Luke’s mind was apparently miles away again, so Sharon finished the rest of her meal in silence. She longed for the days when Luke’s chatter never ceased. It was too quiet now. The phone rang and Sharon answered it. "Oh, hello, Joe. What? Yes, he’s here." She handed the receiver to her son, who turned his back to her and mumbled into the phone. Sharon couldn’t quite catch what he was saying. Luke was acting so strangely, like he had something to hide. Luke hung up abruptly. Jamming his hands in his pockets, he faced her squarely. "He says he’s coming over. I’m leaving." She stared at him, confused. "But…where are you going?" He wouldn’t look at her. "Over to Billy’s." Luke turned away, lifting his jacket off the back of his chair. "No, you’re not, young man, not until I know what’s wrong." This man-child was a stranger to her. Luke flung the coat over his shoulder. "Sorry, Mom, but I have to go." With that, he went through the back porch and out the door. Sharon sank into her chair, stunned. What was going on? Joe was coming over, maybe he knew. She began to clear the table as she waited, needing to keep busy. Sharon didn’t know if she could handle any more surprises. At the quiet knock, she opened the door. Joe stood on the porch, his expression unreadable. "Hi, Sharon. Is Luke here?" She shook her head. "After you called, he practically ran out of the house." "May I come in? I wanted to talk to you anyway." "Of course." She stepped aside. "Did he tell you what happened at practice?" "No." She rubbed her hands together. Joe reached for her fingers, halting their movement. Sharon gazed into his eyes, realizing she expected him to have all the answers. *** As Joe stared at Sharon, his fingers intertwining with hers, the impulse to put his arms around her was so strong his grip tightened. She swayed toward him, and that was enough for his control to snap. He drew her close. Sharon seemed to melt into him and fit perfectly. Joe kissed her soft, vibrant hair and allowed himself to dream the impossible. Sharon trembled in his arms, then pulled away. Joe couldn’t tear his gaze from her lips as he longed to taste their sweetness. Her attention drifted to his mouth and she shuddered again.

"Joe," she said softly, and he lowered his face to hers. It was just a whisper of a kiss, but enough to make him want more, much more, as she tried to put distance between them. "No," she said, and he let her go, even as her eyes said yes. "Can we sit down?" he asked, realizing he had to bring these turbulent human emotions under control. He ’d be in big trouble for this. Sharon motioned toward a chair, then sat in the corner of the sofa. "What were you going to tell me about Luke?" Her voice was shaky, Joe thought. Maybe she wasn’t completely immune to him. But what could he do about it? He should ask his fellow guardians how they’d handled similar situations. His body was experiencing some very painful human reactions. *** Sharon studied the man across from her as he spoke. She finally had to admit there was a strong attraction between them, in spite of her recent loss. What kind of woman was she? "…and Luke felt left out," Joe was saying. "He thinks you care more about David. I told him that wasn’t true." Joe’s words tumbled into her thoughts. "What? Luke doesn’t think I love him?" Joe clasped his hands. "I didn’t say that, but he covers up a lot of hurt, and it’s beginning to affect his actions again. He was making fun of one of the other kids during practice, and they started shoving each other around." "Luke’s never picked on other kids." "I didn’t think so, but he’s expressing his confusion in different ways than he normally would." Sharon couldn’t believe she knew so little about her son. "Did he tell you how he felt about his brother?" Joe smiled. "Not exactly. I asked a lot of questions, and it appeared to strike a nerve when I brought up David." She sat quietly, thinking over what he’d said. She didn’t seem to be able to keep track of her sons’ adjustment to their grief at all. "Thank you for telling me." Her eyes met his and she saw the longing and loneliness that echoed hers. Joe stood and reached for her hand, pulling her up. Sharon decided to refuse if he tried to kiss her again, but inexplicably felt hurt when he didn’t. He simply held her hands and said, "If there’s a problem, I want you to call me, anytime of the day or night, all right?" She smiled. "You’ve already been a friend above and beyond the call of duty. I don’t want to take advantage." "It’s okay with me if you take advantage." He moved closer, his hand resting against her cheek. She lifted her face, only inches from his, waiting, wanting…

The front door opened and Sharon stepped backward, but not before David had seen them together. No one spoke for a moment, then Joe broke the silence. "Well, now you have David to wait with you. I’ ll talk to Luke at school tomorrow, unless you want me to find him now." Sharon shook her head. "No, thanks, he told me where he was going. I’ll call over there." The look on David’s face told Joe he didn’t belong here. They hadn’t done anything wrong. Why should he feel guilty? "Good night, Sharon," he said in a low voice as he brushed by her, grabbing his coat. He heard her, "Thanks, Joe," but didn’t acknowledge it. He wanted more than her gratitude and told himself for the hundredth time, he had no right. He decided to try harder to help her sons instead. That was probably the most important thing he could do for Sharon. "Good night, David." No answer. Joe was upset. David had no reason to dislike him so intensely. In fact, the teenager should’ve been here himself to stop his brother from running off. Joe shut the door behind him. An ironic thought crossed his mind as he headed for his car. He’d figured a year at a country school would be relaxing, more like a vacation. Even guardian angels took a vacation now and then. So much for that idea. This assignment had turned into his toughest ever, and that was saying a lot. He’d been sent to stop wars, deflect an assassin’s bullet, save children from disaster, but this… He flooded the car by pumping too many times on the gas pedal. Now, he had to sit in glum frustration, staring at the Quinn home until the engine would turn over. He’d never forget her, no matter what happened. *** "What was he doing here?" David asked his mother. She heard the anger in his voice and responded with her own. "He came over to talk to Luke. He’s concerned about him." Why couldn’t David meet her halfway? They were supposed to be working through these difficult times together. "I don’t know why you resent Joe. He’s been a real friend, and I need one, in case you haven’t noticed." She could’ve bitten her tongue for being so sharp with him, but Sharon was at the end of her patience. David hesitated, his eyes bewildered, then he came over and hugged her. "I’m sorry. It just surprised me, that’s all. As long as he’s just a friend." Stepping back, he asked, "What’s this about Luke?" Sharon was relieved David didn’t say anymore about Joe. Not many men would have bothered to try and help the way he had. "Your brother’s been in trouble at school. Joe… Mr. Reardon thinks he’s not adjusting to your father’s death and is drawing attention to himself because of it. Sports are helping, but he’s still not getting along with others as well as he…used to before…"

"Where is he now?" "He said he was going to Billy’s when Joe told him he was coming here." As they were deciding what to do, Luke came in. He glanced sheepishly from mother to brother. "Hi." Looking around, he asked, "Is he gone?" Sharon nodded. "Luke, I want to talk to you." David apparently understood she needed to speak to Luke alone. He said he had some more homework to do, but stopped by the kitchen before going upstairs. Luke fidgeted, his hands in his pockets, and Sharon asked him to sit down. She thought about what she was going to say before she began. "I’m sorry, Luke." When he looked surprised, she went on. "I haven’t been aware of everything you’ve been going through, and I should have been. I love you, son, and I promise to do a better job of being here for you." Luke was still silent, his head down. Sharon moved over next to him, and his face crumbled. "Why did Dad have to die?" Sharon pulled him close, not even pretending to know the answer. "I don’t know, sweetheart, I don’t know." She realized this was probably the first time he had expressed his grief. If Joe hadn’t intervened, Luke might have kept it inside until he exploded into destructive action. She held her sobbing son until the trembling had subsided. I need help, she called out silently, hoping someone would hear. *** Joe stared at the stack of papers in front of him as he drummed a pencil on the desk. He’d come back to school to work, but wasn’t getting anything done. He was tired, tired of trying to hide his feelings and feeling guilty for having them in the first place. Playing a human was exhausting. When he heard Sharon’s prayerful cry for help, he tried with all his strength to ignore her. Susan Browne, the school secretary, pushed into the room. She wore a red dress that was meant to capture the eye. The perfect solution for a relaxing evening, a woman who did nothing for his libido. "Susan, I was just going to call you. Would you like to go to dinner?" He didn’t bother to question what she was doing at school so late. *** The following week, Sharon realized she hadn’t seen Joe in the cafeteria lately, and in fact, hadn’t run into him at all. Was he deliberately avoiding her, or was he extra busy as the semester drew to a close? She decided to leave well enough alone for the time being, but thought he would have kept in touch with her about Luke. "Have you seen Joe?" she asked her son one evening as they sat at the kitchen table. "Nah, he’s real busy lately." It was as if he wanted to keep her at a distance. Not that she blamed him. She’d try to honor his apparent wish to be less involved with her problems, but she missed him. A lot. Sharon knew Christmas was rapidly approaching, but had put off thinking about it as long as possible. It was going to be awful without Tom.

Sometimes, she still imagined he was simply away on one of his trips. Christmas had been the family’s favorite holiday. She’d have to go through the motions for the boys’ sakes, hoping they’d understand if she wanted to keep any festivities low-key. Then again, she didn’t want them to feel guilty for celebrating. There was that word again. Guilt. For surviving. Her mother called and asked if she needed help with the Christmas shopping. "Thanks, Mom, but I leave work a couple hours before David and Luke get out of school, so I’ve gotten a few things. I don’t want you and Dad to go overboard this year." "Now, honey, you know we like to help. Just tell us what they need." Sharon knew it was no use arguing. "Clothes, mostly, and they love video games, of course." Her mother thanked her for the suggestions, and they promised to talk again before the holiday. Tom had been more extravagant at Christmas time, but Sharon tried to put less emphasis on gifts. She justified the expense of the computer by telling herself it was more a necessity than a luxury. It was nice of her parents to help. *** One day, Sharon ran into Joe in the hall and asked him to join her for coffee. It seemed like ages since they’d taken a break together, and she bubbled inside at the sight of him. He looked wonderful in black slacks and a white sweater. When they were seated, she casually asked what he was doing for the holidays. "Going home to see my family," he replied with a faraway look in his eyes. She nudged him with her foot to get his attention. "Where’s home?" She felt a pang of regret for not having asked before. She’d been too wrapped up in herself. "Uh, San Diego." He looked at her and grinned. She studied his face and realized how much she’d counted on his friendship to help her through the ordeal of Christmas. Sharon grasped her cup and said quietly, "But that’s so far away." "Does that mean you’ll miss me?" His question came out husky, and he cleared his throat. She studied him and saw the intent regard in his eyes. The air between them crackled with tension. What should she say? She deliberately dissolved the serious moment with a careless answer. "Oh, probably not." Joe chuckled. "That’s good. I’d hate to think of you pining away." Sharon didn’t want to admit it, but was afraid she’d do just that. She couldn’t look away from his handsome and endearing face. Her "warm" feelings for him were rapidly escalating to "hot." A brazen voice sliced into her quiet contemplation. "Am I interrupting something, or can anyone join in?" She lifted her eyes to Celia, but the other woman favored Joe with a smoldering gaze.

Sharon picked up her purse and said, "I was just going." She stood and turned to leave, but not before she saw the frown on Joe’s face. I’m sorry, Joe, she apologized silently, but I will not stay in the same vicinity as that woman. Later, she’d chastise herself for running away. *** Sharon didn’t see Joe again except at a distance until the night before he was to leave for California. It was two days before Christmas. When she went to answer the doorbell, he asked her to come outside. She raised her brows in an unspoken question. Joe gestured toward a large bag propped against the siding and tied with a red bow. Sharon flipped on the porch light and peered at the bag. "Dog food? We don’t have a dog." She cast him a puzzled glance. He leaned against the doorjamb, bringing his face close to hers. "You do now." For a moment, Sharon forgot what they were talking about. Joe’s breath was warm on her face, and her pulse shifted into high gear. She leaned toward him, but the spell was broken when a whimpering sound came from the other end of the porch. Then she saw the cardboard box. Sharon moved quickly to the source of the sound and peeked in. The markings were unmistakable. "A Saint Bernard pup," she murmured, awestruck. Kneeling beside the box, she lifted the round ball of fur. "Hello, precious. What a chubby little thing you are." Giving Joe a child-like smile, she asked, "Has he got a name?" "Cadillac," he replied. Sharon tilted her head. "Why Cadillac?" Joe’s eyes reflected a mischievous gleam. "Because he’ll be big and expensive." Sharon looked at the pup, then back at Joe. "Great." She teased him back, "I’ll call him Cad for short and think of you every time I buy another bag of dog food." "As long as you think of me." Sharon searched suspiciously for a teasing glint, but found none. She thought about him, all right, far more than she should. "You’ve been a good friend, Joe," she said softly as she stroked the puppy’s fur. He jammed his hands into his pockets and said, "I get the message, Mrs. Quinn." Sharon was startled by the pain in his voice and felt a rush of longing. She hadn’t meant to hurt Joe, but didn’t think she was ready to give in to the hunger that tore her apart. In her heart, she was still Tom’s wife. Joe drew her like no other man had, but…something held her back. It was too soon. But he’d brought a

gift, after all, and she could be hospitable. "Come on in, Joe. I want you to show Caddy to the boys." When he hesitated, she handed him the dog, refusing to take no for an answer. Sharon’s sons were in the kitchen, preparing their third snack of the evening. She pushed the door open a crack, and Joe set Caddy down inside the room. David and Luke didn’t notice at first, but the puppy immediately bounded toward them. "Wow, what’s this?!" Luke said as the bundle of fur skidded into his feet. Luke spotted his mother, then looked surprised to see Joe. The teenager squatted beside the dog and lifted him up. "Whose is he? What’s his name?" Joe stepped into the kitchen and leaned against the table. "His name’s Cadillac, and he’s yours and David’s." "Ours? Do you mean it?" He rubbed noses with the pup. "Cadillac, what a classy name." "It does fit him," David added as he ruffled the dog’s fur. "Thanks, Joe." Luke pumped Joe’s hand. "Yeah, thanks; he’s great!" Tom never wanted the kids to have a dog because he didn’t think they’d take care of one, Sharon thought, but Cadillac was obviously what they needed. She only hoped she wouldn’t have to refinance the house to feed him. They all followed the puppy into the living room. Sharon telegraphed a silent "thank you" to Joe for his thoughtful gift as her sons rolled on the floor with their new pet. Joe stared back with his dark eyes full of secret promises. Or was that wishful thinking on her part? "I wonder how big he’ll get," Luke said. "Can I ride him to school, Mom?" Joe seemed to enjoy the boys and the dog, but Sharon spent more time watching him as he threw his head back and laughed. When he caught her staring, their gazes locked and held for a long time. Sharon was the first to look away, stunned by the intensity of her feelings. David asked, "Shouldn’t we feed him and fix him up a bed?" The boys dragged in the large bag of puppy food and ransacked the cupboards for a large bowl. "Do you have any old blankets?" After they fed Caddy and found him a cozy corner, Joe said, "I’d better get going. I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas." "Thanks a million, Joe," Luke said. Even David echoed his brother’s words. Sharon walked him to the door, then followed him outside. When he took her hand and led her to the

car, she didn’t protest, but held on tightly. She hated to see him go, but knew he must. Maybe she should have tried to convince him to stay through the holiday. He turned and raised his other hand to touch her hair, then held her chin as he lowered his head. Sharon trembled with anticipation.

CHAPTER 5 When his mouth touched hers, Sharon knew she should pull away, but he felt so good. With a sense of abandon, she slid her arms around his neck and savored his kiss shamelessly, forgetting that one of the boys could open the door at any moment. Slowly, reality seeped into her consciousness and she did remember her sons. Joe lifted his head as if reading her thoughts, as he so often seemed to do. "You’ve made this a better Christmas," she said. "Thank you for being so wonderful." He grinned crookedly. "I hoped you’d notice." "I did," she said solemnly. "Have a nice Christmas, Joe." "You, too. I don’t want to go. You know that, don’t you?" She nodded. Joe released her and climbed into the car, then cast one last lingering look. Sharon didn’t go back into the house until he’d driven out of sight. He’d become so much a part of her life, an important part, that Sharon felt like a piece of herself had gone with him. *** As Joseph drove away, he saw Serena’s reflection in the rearview mirror. He’d half expected to hear from her after the kiss he’d allowed himself. Serena had already denied his request to spend Christmas in Hollow Bend. "You’re a pushover during the Christmas season," she chided gently. "You need a break, some time to regroup." "Aren’t angels supposed to be sentimental about Christmas?" But she saw through him, as always. "Don’t you remember the time you performed miracles without thinking it through? You almost gave yourself away." When he didn’t answer, she went on, "Joseph, once the Quinn family makes it through this holiday, they’ll be well on the way to healing." Joseph felt icy fingers clutch his heart. "Does this mean my assignment is over?" he asked her reflection. "They still need you, Joseph. Besides, your teaching contract isn’t up until June." "You know, you haven’t fully explained this mission to me. How will I know when I’ve completed it?" "Oh, don’t worry about that, my friend, you’ll know." She paused. "One more thing, Joseph. You won’t be able to watch over them through this holiday. Use this time to think over your options for the future.

Meditate." A poignant sadness swept through Joseph at the thought of leaving Sharon and the boys. He could weave a spell of forgetfulness for them, but how would he prepare himself? As fluffy snowflakes began to fall, Serena disappeared from view. Joseph felt a little better knowing that Caddy would be there to see the Quinns through a white Christmas. *** On Christmas Eve, Sharon felt a strong pull to attend Midnight Mass as the family had always done. But the experience invariably was an intensely emotional one, and she wasn’t quite up to it this year. The service marked a new beginning. Was she ready to acknowledge the beginning of her new life, while she still hung onto the old? "Do you mind if I go?" David asked when the clock struck ten-thirty. Sharon studied her serious-minded son and wondered if he was strong enough to survive through life’s crises. She hoped so. She had learned, just barely, to take one day at a time. Each step would lead to another, then another, until finally, the pain would go away. She prayed that it was so. "I’m going with David," Luke said, then glanced at his mother, "if you’ll be okay alone." "I’ll be fine. I’ve got Caddy to protect me, remember?" The dog perked up his ears, but showed no other sign of life. "I bet he’ll be a real tiger," Luke remarked, "just look at the fire in those eyes." He stroked the soft fur. "Caddy, open your eyes so we can see the sparks." The dog rolled over on his back with his feet in the air, then continued to snore softly. Sharon shook her head, envying the canine’s ability to relax so completely. "I certainly feel safe, knowing he’s on guard." They opened gifts and snacked on a cheese ball, crackers, nuts, and Christmas cookies before David and Luke left for church. It was with a great effort that Sharon kept a smile on her face until her sons had driven away. With her arms at her sides and her hands clenched, she slowly climbed the stairs. As she entered the master bedroom, a cold chill traveled through her body. It had been almost a year since Tom’s death, and Sharon still slept in the guest room. She switched on the light and knelt beside the knotty pine treasure chest at the foot of the king-sized bed. Her mother had made the wedding quilt. The hinges squeaked as she opened the lid and lifted the photo albums, one by one, and set them on the burgundy carpet. She’d thought about this for a long time. With a strong determination, Sharon opened the first book. Memories flung at her like weightless bodies drifting through space. She forced herself to study each page, while tears welled in her eyes. A husky, blond, forever-young Tom dazzled her from the worn pages. "Oh, Tom, I miss you." She stared at one picture after another, needing to remember. His image had already faded, and she hadn

’t expected that to happen. Not so soon. The pain inside gradually dulled to a lead weight in the pit of her stomach. She saw Tom’s billfold on a small shelf inside the chest. The Sheriff had given it to her the day of the accident, and she’d quickly hidden it away. Sharon reached for it and ran her fingers over the smooth leather. She’d given it to him last Christmas. Looking inside, she removed the driver’s license, credit cards, and photos. His favorite had been a family portrait taken on a summer picnic. The boys had grown so much since then. A small piece of paper fluttered out of the dollar bill compartment. Sharon picked it up and read it. It was only an address. Thirteen-forty Milford Drive, Portland, Oregon. And a phone number. Who did they know that lived in Portland? It must have been a business associate of Tom’s. She tucked the scrap into the wallet and returned the priceless albums to their place. If only she could put her memories aside just as easily. But did she want to? Didn’t the memory of Tom keep him alive in a special way? Yes, but it also made it impossible for her to live her own life, and she must. What was the delicate balance between grief and acceptance? She sighed and closed the lid to the chest. I’d better freshen up, she thought, the boys will be home soon. *** Joseph silently watched Sharon through the painful process of remembering. He tried, through the strength of his will, to take some of her suffering upon himself. He couldn’t tell if he’d succeeded. He knew that grief traveled a series of steps to acceptance, but he wished once more that he could hurry the Quinn family through them. Serena had forbidden his request a second time. "Patience, Joseph," she’d said. Even now, he was breaking the rules by being with Sharon, if only in spirit. Serena had warned him against it. When tears welled in Sharon’s eyes, his own eyes grew moist. "I’m here," he whispered, and knew he always would be, even if she couldn’t see him. When she placed her treasures back into the chest and squared her shoulders, Joseph was proud of her strength. I hope I can be as strong, he muttered, then glanced around quickly to see if any of the other guardians had heard. *** On Christmas day, they drove down to see the McIvers, taking Caddy along. The light snow had rendered the road a little slippery, and Sharon drove slowly. They should have spent Christmas Eve with her folks, but Sharon wanted to keep any celebration brief.

As she’d feared, this season was far more difficult than Thanksgiving, maybe because the numbness had completely worn off and the enormity of what had happened to her family had finally sunk in. "Are we almost there?" Luke asked, and she smiled. Some things never changed. "You know it’s only a few more miles. First one to see the blue mailbox wins." Bea and Harry loved to watch the boys open their gifts and were enchanted with Caddy who performed to expectations. That is, they were until Harry found the pup chewing on one of his favorite slippers. "They call you a saint, eh?" he chuckled, rescuing the shoe. Caddy covered his eyes with his paws as if he were sorry for the misdeed. When her father asked where they’d gotten the dog. Sharon said, "From a friend," and dropped it at that. That’s what he was, wasn’t he? She kept wondering what Joe was doing in California. Her father disappeared for a few minutes and came out carrying a big box. "For David and Luke," he said with excitement in his eyes. Luke tore off the paper while David watched. When they finally got into the gift, they found a new computer. "Wow!" said Luke, lifting out the monitor. David rubbed the top. "I can’t believe it. Just what I was hoping…" He glanced quickly at his mother. He probably doesn’t want me to feel badly for not being able to afford one, she thought. "It’s wonderful, mom, dad. The boys can really use it for their school work." "And video games," Luke added. "After your homework’s done," she insisted. David asked, "Can we get on the Internet, Mom?" Harry showed them how to set it up when they got home while Bea and Sharon went into the kitchen to finish Christmas dinner. Bea prepared a delicious meal. They had ham, sweet potatoes, homemade rolls, three salads, and two vegetables. No one felt like moving afterwards, and it took at least an hour of moaning before the discomfort of being overstuffed began to subside. "You’ve outdone yourself, woman," Harry said, tickling his wife. Bea blushed, then offered dessert, apple, cherry, and blueberry pie, all from fruit she’d picked herself last summer. They played Spite ‘n Malice all evening before heading off to bed. *** Sharon was ready to go home late the next afternoon. She’d enjoyed the visit with her folks, but felt their eyes on her constantly, looking for a sign she might break. And under those circumstances, she might. All in all, things had gone well, and the boys seemed content. That was what mattered most. Sharon was disappointed when there wasn’t a note waiting from Joe, like there had been on

Thanksgiving. He must not be back. She called the Banners while the boys went through the kitchen cupboards, looking for food of any kind. "Paula, Merry Christmas," she said when her friend answered. "The same to you," Paula replied in a subdued tone. When Paula didn’t say anything else, Sharon asked, "Is everything okay?" "Fine," Paula said with a forced brightness. Sharon didn’t know what else to say without getting Paula in trouble with her husband. "Call me back when you can, okay?" "I will," Paula said, then hung up. It was a relief when school began again and Sharon went back to work. She hadn’t seen Joe at all and was beginning to worry about him, wondering if he’d decided to stay in California. She could’ve asked someone, but didn’t. When she left work the second day back, he came toward her down the long hallway. Her heart leapt at the sight of him as her gaze took in his appearance. He seemed distant, as if his thoughts were a thousand miles away. "Hello, Sharon," he said without his usual smile. "Hi," she returned, careful to match his somber mood. When she asked him about the holidays, he said, "They were fine, how about yours?" "Quiet," she said, unwilling to offer more since he didn’t appear interested. When they stepped out in to the frosty January weather, he asked, "How about some hot coffee? Not here, but at the cafe." She nodded and went with him to his car. What was wrong? Had something happened while he was gone? "Shouldn’t I drive, too? Then you won’t have to bring me back here." He agreed absentmindedly and unlocked the door. As she followed him to the cafe, she realized she’d never seen him without a ready quip. She missed his teasing remarks and hoped everything was all right. After they’d settled in the padded booth and ordered their coffee, Joe looked at her directly for the first time. "I’ll be leaving in June." The blunt statement stunned her. A lump formed in her throat, and she forced a question around the obstruction. "But, why? What about your job here?" "I signed a one-year contract. I needed to get away for awhile, but I have other obligations." Sharon felt like the fluorescent lights had dimmed, but it must be her imagination. Maybe the sun had disappeared behind a cloud.

"Why did you leave in the first place?" She had to know. When he didn’t answer right away, she lifted her gaze and saw that he was studying her. *** He looked out the window. "It was a chance to try something different, I guess." He paused and took a gulp of coffee. How could he possibly explain to her in a way that made sense? He wanted to be vague enough that he didn’t have to lie; he’d rather bite his tongue. Sharon’s voice was very soft. "Did you leave in the first place because of a woman?" "No," he said, then realized that Sharon must think a woman had broken his heart. If only she knew. It was almost laughable if it didn’t hurt so much. Before he could say anymore, the waitress brought the coffee pot by for refills and suggested some sweet rolls to go with it. Sharon shook her head, and Joe politely waved the woman away. An awful thought occurred to him. What if she tried to track him down in San Diego later, out of friendship. He guessed that Hollow Bend would have to go through the forgetfulness process after all. He’d hoped he would be remembered, but saw that was impossible. *** What else could she say, Sharon thought? He had to go; she could see that. They both had other obligations. When they finished their coffee, they went outside together. Stopping at her car, she said, "I wish you could stay." He didn’t know how difficult it was for her to admit that. "Do you really?" His voice was rich with feeling. When she nodded, he gently caressed her cheek before opening the car door. "So do I, Sharon, so do I." *** Well, he’d done it. He’d taken the first step toward separating himself from Sharon and her family. He was far more upset about leaving than Sharon was to see him go; he was sure of that. And he’d discovered no new answers to all his questions. Joseph was unclear at this point where his mission would take him. He understood the importance of fulfilling his teaching contract, but didn’t feel the Quinns needed him as much as they had at first. All he could do was wait and see, and have faith in the outcome. He might as well experience as much as he could in his brief stay in Hollow Bend, Idaho. Maybe he’d learn something that would help on his next assignment. Right now, he didn’t want to think that far ahead. *** A week later, David found a job. When he told Sharon where it was, she gasped, "Bailey’s Mill? Isn’t that dangerous work?" David’s expression was intractable. "Not really." He wore one of his father’s plaid shirts, but Sharon wished he wouldn’t.

David shifted his weight and hooked his fingers on his belt buckle. "I want to take the job, Mom." "What will you be doing?" "Mostly clean-up, under the green chain." Her brows knitted together. "Under the chain? I remember your father saying…" "No, Mom," he interrupted. "I’ll be working after school when they change shifts and the green chain shuts down. Then I’ll sweep before coming home." Sharon realized he needed to keep busy and that she should try to encourage rather than discourage him. "All right, David, if that’s what you want." As determined as he was, she decided to go along with his plans, but knew she’d worry, nevertheless. *** The next day, Sharon finally cornered Paula at the grocery store. Her friend looked tired and unhappy. "All right, what’s going on?" Sharon asked without a greeting. Paula gave her a faint smile. "And hello to you, too." They hugged one another briefly, then Paula went on, "I’m sorry I haven’t called, but I hate dragging you into my troubles." Sharon’s mouth dropped open. "Are you kidding? After the way you stood by me when Tom…" She didn’t finish, but had made her point. "Okay, I’ll be over soon, and we’ll have a real gabfest. Satisfied?" Sharon was doubtful it would ever come to pass. "All right, if you promise. I miss you, Paula. If that’s selfish, then so be it, but friends help each other. I want to be there for you, too." Paula crossed her heart and her eyes, and they laughed together before parting. *** One day after school, Joe caught up with Sharon in the parking lot. She’d worked later than usual. Smiling up at him, she was glad she wore her houndstooth slacks and black sweater under her heavy cranberry carcoat. Joe looked rugged in a tan shirt with brown slacks and a dark corduroy sports jacket. She’d reluctantly convinced herself that his heart belonged in California, so he surprised her when he asked, "Can I talk you into taking me to the 4-H Dance this weekend? I heard that’s when they kick off the 4-H projects for the year. My students were talking about it." "Me take you? What kind of invitation is that?" He stopped at her car and leaned against it, making it look like a toy. "Well," he drawled, "seein’ as you’ re an oldtimer in town, and I’m a newcomer…" "Oldtimer! Well, I like that." Sharon put her hands on her hips, and Joe laughed, the happy sound music to her ears. A warning bell rang in her head as she gazed at him solemnly. "I don’t know if I should go to a dance."

Joe straightened and his expression grew serious. "I understand it’s more like a community gathering for young and old alike. I wouldn’t have asked if I’d thought anyone would think badly of you." Sharon hesitated. He was right, of course. It wasn’t like a real date, and it would be fun. "Do you mind if the boys go with us?" She saw a flicker of emotion in his eyes before he agreed. "No, I don’t mind. We’ll take the dog, too, if you like, unless he’s gained another forty pounds." She giggled at the picture his suggestion made. "That won’t be necessary. I think we’ll leave him home. But don’t eat dinner that night," she warned. "Myrt always brings her famous chicken salad sandwiches. And then there’re brownies, chips, homemade pickles, hot dogs…" He held up his hands. "I won’t eat a bite. Pick you up at eight?" She nodded, and he bowed in his own debonair way before heading for his car. Sharon was relieved to see him in a good mood, when he’d seemed so depressed after Christmas. *** All right, Joseph told himself. You were being a coward, staying away. There must be more to this mission if Serena had him scheduled through the school year. Even though angels had free will, the same as humans, they weren’t always privy to The Plan. Often, he had to take one day at a time, so he wouldn’t get too overzealous in solving an earthling’s troubles. Besides, his studies of this particular social function might come in handy on a future project. He had to laugh at himself for the excuses he made to be with Sharon. *** By Saturday night, Sharon was a jumble of nerves. She kept telling herself it was just because she hadn’t seen many of her neighbors since the funeral. But Luke and David kept eyeing her speculatively when she came to the head of the stairs three times, wearing a different outfit each trip. "Jeesh, Mom, you look great. Quit changing clothes," Luke said impatiently. Sharon turned and disappeared back into her room. The pile of discarded garments on the bed grew even larger when she peeled off the outfit she wore and tossed it on top. Finally, she settled on a royal blue and gold dress in aztec design with a gathered peasant blouse and ruffled skirt. She twirled around, watching her reflection in the mirror, deciding to leave her hair down. The image she saw wouldn’t convince anyone she was a middle-aged widow in mourning. Should she change again? It was too late. She heard Joe’s voice downstairs and checked her makeup one last time. Sharon reached into a bottom drawer and pulled out her royal blue shawl and matching purse. She was thankful for the early spring weather. Her shoes were gold sandals. It had been a long while since she cared what she wore. She wanted to feel pretty and happy; was that so wrong? When she saw Joe standing by the door, she was glad she’d made the extra effort to look nice. He wore black slacks and a light blue sweater. The outfit made his hair appear even darker. No man should look

that good. He strolled toward her and took her hand. "You’re beautiful, Sharon." While she stood there speechless, he added, "Ready to go?" With great effort, she broke free from his dark gaze and glanced around. "Where are the boys?" "They wanted to pick up a couple of their friends, so I said we’d meet them there. Caddy’s on the back porch, sound asleep." "But…" Sharon was momentarily flustered by the change in plans. She realized she still cared what people thought. Would her neighbors assume she and Joe were dating? Probably sensing her hesitation, Joe put his hand under her elbow and said, "I promise to pretend I don’t know you, if it’ll make you feel any better." Her voice revealed a tremor when she laughed. "Don’t be silly. Let’s go." Sharon studied his profile as they drove to the dance. It was too intimate in the small space, and Joe looked devastatingly handsome. He didn’t break the silence until they parked at the Community Grange Hall. He turned in the seat and said, "I don’t know much about country dancing. Do you think your feet can handle being stomped by mine?" Sharon felt the tension in her ease. "Come on, Reardon, you’re in for quite an experience. And if you step on me too much, I’ll simply change partners." He quirked his brow at that, then helped her out of the car. They were among the early arrivals. Few people would even realize they’d come together. The hall wasn’t decorated, and for the first time, Sharon wished it was. She imagined seeing it from Joe’s sophisticated view. The huge potbelly stove crackled in the corner, though that was only to warm the initial chill from the building. It wouldn’t be needed later when the dancing began. Memories of dances gone by nearly overpowered her, but she pushed them back. She had to go on; she couldn’t change what had happened. But it was so hard sometimes. Myrt and Esther waved from the kitchen, so she grabbed Joe’s hand and pulled him along with her, instantly aware of the warmth he exuded. "Hi Myrt, Esther." Myrt had pulled her salt-and-pepper hair into a bun, her stick figure in sharp contrast to Esther’s ample one. Both women clucked their tongues simultaneously. "My, don’t you two look purty," Esther said with an approving look. "Thanks," Sharon replied, glancing at Joe. She felt no censure from the other women. "Myrt, I’ve been telling Joe about your chicken salad. Could he sneak a preview?" "That handsome man can have anything of mine he wants," Myrt said with a chuckle and offered a plate piled high with sandwiches. Joe reached for one and closed his eyes as he took a big bite. Sharon watched, fascinated.

"Hmmm, delicious. You weren’t exaggerating, Sharon. This is great." Myrt beamed with pleasure at his compliment. "Well, just help yourself. There’s coffee and brownies besides." Sharon discovered how hungry she was, having been too excited to eat all day. As she tasted a brownie, she saw David and Luke come in with two other boys. She waved, but they headed for a group of kids sitting on the benches that lined the walls. Sharon wondered if the Banners would change their minds about coming. Paula had told her she wouldn’t without Ty, and he didn’t want to. The local band began to tune up, and Joe whispered to Sharon, "Don’t forget, you’ll have to show me how." She winked at him, then turned to watch the ritual that Punk and Percy and Elmer went through before each dance. One of them would tune his instrument, then call out to another member to follow suit. Before long, they called back and forth until an improvised jazz session threatened to get out of control. By this time, their audience itched to dance. Punk was the official caller and stepped up to the microphone, his age-worn voice boasting a nasal twang. "Howdy-do, neighbors, it’s time to dance. Grab yore gal while you’ve got the chance." Sharon took Joe’s arm and led him to the center of the floor as the couples lined up facing each other. "Swing your partner round and round; careful now and don’t fall down." It didn’t take Joe long to catch on, and soon they were laughing with the rest as they promenaded up and down. "Now take that gal for a stroll, till them blisters take their toll." Joe raised his brows at that one and whispered to Sharon as she swung by, "By the way, does he write his own material?" "How’d you guess?" she called before moving on to her next partner. Finally, the first square dance was over, and they collapsed on the nearest bench. Catching her breath, Sharon merely nodded when Joe asked if she’d like some punch. Now it was the younger set’s turn. Punk’s group was versatile, if nothing else, and started with the current top-of-the-chart rock tune. Sharon and Joe sat that one out as they sipped the punch and watched the kids. Joe shook his head, "Now I know I’m getting old." He gestured toward the gyrating youngsters. "It looks like their entire bodies are double-jointed." Sharon agreed. "The last time Luke tried to teach me the latest steps, I slept with a heating pad for a week." When the band began a slow, melancholy waltz, the teenagers groaned and headed en masse to the kitchen. "That’s more like it," Joe said and reached for her hand. Sharon knew this was dangerous ground, but she was having so much fun. When he pulled her into his

arms, she matched his steps with an easy grace. She felt his lips touch her hair, then he pulled back and grinned down at her. "This is nice." Sharon stared up at him, trying to picture Tom, but couldn’t. She frowned as she tried to figure out why. "It’s okay, honey, relax." Joe pulled her closer, and Sharon gave in to the comfort of his embrace, her guilt diminished by her need. She leaned her head on his shoulder and closed her eyes, allowing herself the joy of the moment. Sharon thought she heard Joe murmur her name, but wasn’t sure. Their languid drifting brutally ended when someone poked her sharply on the shoulder. "I’m cutting in, Sharon." It took a minute to clear her head and come back to earth. Celia waited expectantly. "Come on, tear yourself away." Sharon looked up at Joe and noted the clenching of his jaw. His arm tightened around her back at the same time, then he released her and smiled. "Don’t go too far," he murmured for her alone. Sharon didn’t even glance at Celia again, but turned toward the kitchen. She threaded through the crowd, still enveloped in a dreamlike state from being in Joe’s arms. She didn’t know if it was Joe that made her feel this way, or being held by a man again. Maybe it was because she missed Tom so much. If only she could think clearly. She chatted with Myrt until Joe rejoined her. "How did you manage to escape her clutches?" Sharon teased. "I keep a bullwhip handy for just such an occasion," he quipped. "You two quit horsin’ around and follow me," Myrt said in a loud stage whisper. She opened the back door of the hall, and they followed her into the night. Joe tapped Sharon’s arm and raised his shoulders as if to question Myrt’s purpose. Sharon held up one finger to tell him to hold on a minute. When they reached a beat-up green sedan, Myrt stopped and swung open the back door. "Get in," she ordered. Joe murmured, "I don’t know what this is all about, but I’m liking it more and more." Sharon frowned at him and put her finger to her lips. "Shhh, behave." Myrt climbed into the front, reached down and lifted a paper bag onto the seat. Joe leaned forward and watched with interest as she pulled a Tupperware container from the bag. Giving it a shake, she rummaged into the sack again and produced plastic cups, handing them around. "What the…" Joe began. "Don’t say anything," Sharon said, "just try it. This is an old 4-H custom. All the punch with pizzazz is kept outside."

Joe nodded with approval as he sipped the contents. "My compliments to the chef," he said and lifted the cup. "Glad you like it," Myrt replied, draining hers. "You two help yourselves. I’ve got to get back to the kitchen before the teenagers find out no one’s minding the store." They chuckled as they watched her go. "Fascinating customs," Joe commented. "I didn’t know all that the 4-H involved. Never again will I imagine only manure-filled stalls at the county fair." "Just don’t tell the kids," Sharon warned. "Want some more?" She felt all churned up inside being left alone with him in such a private setting. The moon cast a soft glow over the parking lot and the old building, giving everything an unreal appearance. "Don’t mind if I do," he said, holding out his cup. Sharon stopped breathing when her fingers brushed his. They had to get back inside. He was too masculine, too overpowering for her to resist in her present state. Even Myrt’s old sedan took on the aura of a solitary wagon on a long-ago starlit plain. Sharon drank more of the strong beverage, then said, "We’d better go in." Joe took her cup and drained the contents before putting it back into the bag. He did the same with his own, then lifted her chin. Before she could move, he leaned down and brushed her lips softly. It happened so fast that Sharon had no time to protest. Did she want to? She merely felt disappointed when it ended so abruptly. She swayed toward him, unbalanced as she was by his kiss. Joe crushed her to him as a deep moan escaped his lips. For a moment, Sharon thought he called out another woman’s name. She was startled by the overwhelming emotions that swept through her traitorous body. Her arms went around him and explored the taut muscles of his back. Again and again he kissed her, and Sharon didn’t want him to stop. His mouth pulled a response from her like nothing she’d ever known. Not even with…what was she thinking? Confused and shaken, she twisted away and searched for the door handle. Joe reached around her and lifted it easily, then put his hand on her arm. "Sharon, don’t shut me out. What are you feeling?" His need was strong; she could hear it in his voice. She answered truthfully. "I’m not sure." She laughed softly, on the verge of tears. "It’s not the same as kissing my father." He gave her a wry grin. "I’m glad to hear that." He drew a finger along the line of her jaw. "It’s not wrong to have those feelings, Sharon. Someday, there will be room in your heart to love again." Lifting her gaze to his, she thought what a fine man he was. He deserved someone who could love him whole-heartedly, someone who’d hold nothing back. "Can you understand that I feel like I’m being unfaithful?" She saw the hurt in his eyes, but he had a right to know.

He nodded, exhaling. "I guess I can." "I’m sorry," she said simply, touching his lips for an instant. "Let’s go inside." They spent the rest of the evening learning new square dances or chatting with the neighbors. This wasn’t just a dance, it was the place to learn how many acres each farmer had plowed, the going price of hay, which projects the kids were taking, and what the families were planting in their gardens this season. When it was time to go home, Sharon searched out her boys and told them not to dawdle, but to take their friends right home. "Does the same rule apply to you, Mom?" Luke teased. She felt her face grow hot. "I’ll probably beat you home." "Don’t count on it," Joe said, coming up behind her. He tucked her under his arm and pulled her close to him. Sharon glanced around to see if anyone had seen the possessive gesture. She was glad David had turned to speak to a friend, then her gaze met Celia’s narrowed blue glare. Wonderful, she thought, that woman is always right where you least expect her. Sharon murmured that she had to find her shawl. Joe grinned and held it up, along with her purse. She finished her good-byes and led the way outside. Before he started the car, Joe asked if she’d like to stop for coffee. "No, I think I’d better get home," she said in a low voice. He didn’t try to change her mind, and she was grateful, yet a trifle irritated, too. What was wrong with her tonight? She fluctuated between relief and disappointment when he didn’t act as expected. She had to remember he’d be leaving soon. When they pulled up to the house, the place was dark. "We beat the boys home after all," Sharon said, intensely aware of Joe’s powerful frame next to hers. "Don’t blame me," he quipped. Reaching over, he took her hand in his large one. "I had a great time. Thanks for taking me." He traced her fingers with his lips. How did he make such a simple action so seductive? "There you go again, as if I’d asked you out." "Does that bother you?" The look in his eyes was not a teasing one, and Sharon swallowed with difficulty. "It was fun, Joe. How did it compare to the singles clubs in the city?" He sighed at her change of subject. "I’ve never been to one, so I wouldn’t know. But I have a feeling I’d prefer Punk’s music and Myrt’s sandwiches." The blinding glare of headlights and repeated honking heralded the arrival of her sons. With a deep groan, Joe got out of the car and went around to open the door for Sharon. She had to force herself to sit still because Tom had long since foregone the everyday chivalrous gestures. Not that she’d minded, of course.

Joe held her hand again as she slid out, and when she stood, their faces were just inches apart. Sharon stopped breathing as she waited expectantly, forgetting they had an interested audience. "Hey Mom, Joe, no necking on the curb," Luke called, then laughed at his own wit. Sharon sighed. "Aren’t children wonderful? Thanks again for a lovely evening." He hesitated, then, "Good night, Sharon." She didn’t look back, but walked at a quick pace toward the house. David waited on the porch and studied her with a deep frown creasing his forehead. She smiled. "Did you have fun?" He shrugged, then asked, "Did you?" "Yes, sweetheart, I did." She thought of the kisses, then brushed the memory aside. She was human, after all. Scarcely aware of the tune she was humming, Sharon went inside. Luke grinned as he waited for a recap of her evening. She hated to disappoint him, but didn’t feel like talking about Joe right now. "I’m bushed," she said. "I hope you had a nice time, boys. See you in the morning." Without another word, she went upstairs to be alone with her thoughts. She had no doubt that a certain dark-haired man would dominate her dreams, and there was nothing she could do about it. As Sharon lay in bed, it took little effort to recreate the warmth of Joe’s arms around her. She tried to remember what he’d said before he kissed her; it was an unusual name. Someone he’d loved and never forgotten? That thought made her shudder. When they danced, she was oblivious to the other couples. She’d never considered herself a sensual person, but had trouble controlling those longings around the new man in her life. If she dared call him that. The more she thought about it, the more troubled Sharon became. She had to conduct herself the way a widow should and direct all her energies into raising her sons. When they were grown and settled into their own lives, then she could think about romance if she wanted. Why couldn’t she have met Joe Reardon a year or two from now? Besides, he’d be gone in a few months, and he was probably on the rebound from a painful relationship. Sharon turned over and pounded her pillow, determined to put Joe out of her mind. But as she drifted into sleep, her last thought was of his lips on hers, gentle with restrained passion. She moaned softly and called his name.

CHAPTER 6 Joseph heard her cry and lay staring into the darkness all through the night. Was he out of his everlovin’ mind?! He’d started something he wouldn’t be allowed to finish. Unless there was a way… Sometimes guardians disappeared during a mission. It was something they all wondered about, but never

discussed. There must be someone he could talk to about the feelings that were tearing him apart. Surely he wasn’t the only one to have this experience. There had to be help for a lovesick angel…somewhere… When Joseph began asking around, he figured he’d stumbled onto one of the Guardianship’s greatest mysteries. No one had any answers for him, not even his closest friend, John Peter. "Are you telling me you’ve never fallen in love with a human?" Joseph asked the other guardian. Joseph thought John Peter hesitated, but he said no. "That’s not the way I feel about them; I’m not sure I even understand their kind of love," his friend explained. There must be a giant flaw in his own character, Joseph figured, shaking his head. Of course, word of his quest got back to Serena, and he was summoned before her. "Well, Joseph, what have you got to say for yourself?" "There are things I need to know. I was just asking questions." She tilted her head. "But why didn’t you come to me?" Joseph stared at a point beyond his superior as he pondered his reasoning. "I don’t know," he finally admitted. "Sometimes you seem so far beyond me in your experience and wisdom." He thought he heard her sigh. "That’s not true. We’re like the earthlings in that each individual experience is so unique, and every living creature possesses a special knowledge that no one else has." "What are you saying?" She smiled. "What I’ve said all along, Joseph. You’ll find your answers by living one day at a time, and by never losing faith." As he pondered her words, Serena told him she had to go. "Thank you," he said simply. She hadn’t judged him or admonished him for his weaknesses. He was still confused, but he understood he wasn’t the only living being to feel that way. *** Joe was going to bring Luke home from basketball practice the following Friday, and Sharon invited him to dinner. She was nervous, even though her lasagna had never failed her yet. She prepared a tossed green salad and garlic bread to complete the meal. Joe was bringing the wine. She hadn’t seen him much that week, and she’d missed him. Her excuse for inviting him was that he’d done so much for Luke. Her son was doing well with all the sports and Joe’s encouragement. It had absolutely nothing to do with her own feelings. She had the table set and the lasagna bubbling in the oven when she heard a car drive up. Caddy warned of the visitor with a low, rumbling sound from the front porch, then a loud, welcoming bark. Joe was early. A slow smile spread across Sharon’s face. She went to the door, dressed in turquoise slacks and a

matching velour top. But when she looked outside, she was surprised to see Paula, Melanie, and the younger kids coming up the walk. The furry St. Bernard scampered in circles around them. "Caddy, come here," Sharon called. The pup stopped racing, but stayed where he was. As Paula reached the porch, Joe pulled into the driveway with Luke. Sharon glanced at his car, then back to Paula. Her friend’s face was wet with tears. Sharon hurried to her. "Paula, what’s wrong?" Paula grimaced, as if trying not to cry anymore. "Ty and I had a bad argument. I… I… Could we stay the night?" Sharon embraced her friend. "Of course you can, hon, come on in." Remembering Joe, she paused and glanced over her shoulder. He lifted his hands in a questioning gesture. "Joe, would you mind rounding up the kids and see that they’re all fed? Luke and Melanie will help, and David should be home any minute." He nodded and Sharon gave him a grateful smile, then returned her attention to Paula. Maybe she should have sent Joe home, but she needed him; they all did. Paula cried softly as Sharon lead her inside. She took her upstairs to the master bedroom, and the two women sat on the bed. "Do you want to talk about it?" Sharon asked. "Can…can I have a handkerchief?" Paula said through her sobs. Sharon went over to Tom’s dresser and pulled out one of the oversized bandanna handkerchiefs he’d always used. She still kept his clothes freshly laundered and neatly arranged in his drawers, though she couldn’t exactly say why. It was time to stop it, she realized. Paula dabbed at her eyes before speaking. "I told him I couldn’t live like this anymore, being shut off from whatever was bothering him, and that we were supposed to be a team…" "What did he say?" "He thought I meant I was leaving him for good and began shouting. That’s when I told the kids to get in the car." Sharon’s shoulders slumped. If Paula couldn’t get Ty to open up, who could? Didn’t he realize what he was doing to his family? She kept her opinion to herself, however, and urged Paula to go on. "I didn’t come here because I want to leave him," Paula explained, drying her eyes, "I just needed to get away for the night." Sharon could restrain herself no longer. "You’ll stay as long as necessary, at least until you work things out." Paula stared at her sadly. "I couldn’t bear to lose him."

Sharon sighed deeply. "I’m sure Ty is feeling much the same. Will you talk to Father Simmons before you go home?" "I don’t know…" Paula twisted the bandanna into a knot. Sharon decided to bring it up again later, when Paula had calmed down. "What made you confront him?" "He’s been getting letters from his family in Norway, but wouldn’t let me read them. I accused him of hiding something from me." "What do you think it is?" Paula shrugged. "I don’t know, but he’ll have to learn to trust me if he wants me back." Sharon didn’t know what else to say. "Want something to eat?" "No thanks. If you don’t mind, I’ll just lie down for awhile." She glanced longingly at the comfortable bed. "Will you be all right with the kids?" "Sure, and if you feel like a shower or bath, go ahead. Speaking of the mob downstairs, I’d better check on them." Paula had already lain down by the time Sharon closed the door. The scene reminded her of the day of the funeral. She’d been too distraught to cope with all the people, and Paula had been her shield. Life moved in strange patterns, she thought, praying that Paula’s problems could be solved. Before joining the others, she called the priest. When she told him the situation, he assured her, "I’ll come by first thing in the morning." Sharon wondered guiltily if she was poking her nose where it didn’t belong, but Paula had come to her. She didn’t want her friend to go home until she considered other options and had a chance to think things through. When Sharon entered the kitchen, Joe was dishing up the lasagna, with one of her aprons tied around his waist. He had all the kids laughing uproariously with his imitation of a flamboyant television chef. David poured milk as Luke served the salad. Sharon watched the scene for a moment, with a feeling much stronger than gratitude toward Joe. "I see you have things totally under control," she observed with amusement. "Keep it down, though, kids. Paula needs some rest." The younger children ignored her warning until Joe tapped them gently on their shoulders to get their attention. "We’re playing a new game now. Let’s see who can go the longest without making any noise." Paula’s youngest, Jason, raised his hand, as if he were in the classroom. "Can I ask a question?" Joe grinned. "Sure, go ahead." "What about chewing noises?" "They don’t count." Sharon couldn’t help but laugh. Would they really go along with this?

Joe cocked his brow at her and continued. "I see we have a skeptic in the audience, folks." He repeated the rules with one addition. "Whoever acts rowdy gets no dessert." Sharon moved closer and whispered to him, "Bribery and threats, no less. I’m beginning to understand your system." "You wanted action, ma’am, you got it." Sharon wasn’t sure if it was Joe’s presence or because they were all very hungry, but the children did quiet down. Joe and Sharon filled their own plates and joined the others at the table. It was a tight squeeze, but they managed to find a place. Sharon admitted she didn’t mind being pressed against him and wondered how he felt about it. Had he given any thought to the kisses they shared at the 4-H Dance? "Mmmm, great, Mom," Luke said after a huge bite of garlic bread. She smiled at him, then glanced at Joe. He reached for his second slice of bread and said, "This lasagna is fantastic. I couldn’t have done much better myself." She watched as the mozzarella stretched from the plate to his mouth. "You’re just afraid I’ll comment on your confirmed bachelorhood." His dark eyes twinkled. "Wouldn’t you?" She gave up and went back to eating. In a verbal contest, he’d always win. In a physical one, too, she thought. The idea of tangling with him brought a hot flush to her face. She glanced sideways at Joe and became even more flustered by the expression on his face, as if he’d guessed what was going on in her mind. Was she so transparent? "Daddy and Mommy had a fight," Jason said, breaking in to the moment. "Be quiet," Melanie said with a pained look. She sat next to David, and Sharon hoped that was a sign they’d be friends again. "Well, they did," the little boy retorted, sticking out his tongue at his sister. Sharon didn’t know how much they’d heard, so she murmured, "I’m sure they’re both sorry and everything will be fine." She crossed her fingers under the table. "I doubt it," Melanie said. Sharon was surprised by the hopelessness in the teenager’s voice. She gazed at the lovely young girl, and everyone else stopped eating. Melanie mumbled an apology with her head down. David put his arm around her, and Melanie looked up, startled. "How about some ice cream," Luke asked the younger children. Sharon smiled at Luke, then David got up to help. "Just make sure their plates are clean," she reminded her sons.

Sharon was surprised when Joe offered to help with the dishes. He suggested the teenagers entertain Jason and Stephanie outside. David started to object, but Joe explained they had to keep it quiet for Paula’s sake. "Toss a ball around, okay?" Turning to Sharon, he added, "You have great kids." "Thank you. You’re pretty terrific yourself. I’m glad you stayed." Actually, she hadn’t given him a choice. Maybe she took him too much for granted. Sharon didn’t think that was wise for a woman to do to such a man. Joe didn’t smile or retort in his usual bantering way, but studied her with his dark, serious eyes. "I’m glad I could help." He moved closer and placed his hands on her shoulders. At first, Sharon was mesmerized by his gaze, but as he tried to draw her closer, she stiffened. "No…the kids…" Joe ignored the protest and claimed her lips with his own. Sharon struggled briefly, then melted into his strong embrace. His kiss was firm with the promise of passion behind it. Sharon’s body trembled with a powerful yearning. Dismayed, she broke away. Joe gave her a long considering stare, then calmly picked up the dishtowel. Sharon knew if she spoke, her voice would betray the turmoil inside. "We’d better get the dishes done," Joe said, his own voice husky. She nodded without glancing at him, experiencing a deep ache that had nothing to do with grief. It would have been so easy to surrender to the lure of his charm and follow wherever it lead. But for what? An evening’s pleasure? That wasn’t her way, and he’d made it clear he enjoyed being single with no plans to change his status. And he was leaving, as she’d been trying to forget. Sharon stacked the dishes into the sink with such force that Joe protested. "Hey, calm down. Don’t take it out on the dinnerware. Here, hit me." He pointed to his jaw. "What?" Joe gestured once more to his chin, which he thrust forward. "Well, that’s what you want to do, isn’t it? Go ahead. I can take it." He looked so ridiculous, standing there with her apron tied around him, waiting for her to take a swing that she burst out laughing. The tension between them dissolved. "Believe me, I’m tempted, but my insurance may not cover the damage." Joe breathed an exaggerated sigh of relief, but Sharon added, "I will take a rain check, though." By the time they’d finished cleaning up, all five children tramped in. "It’s getting cold outside," Stephanie said, her pert nose a cherry red. "Aw, girls," Jason mumbled. "They spoil all the fun." "It is getting late," Sharon said. "We’ve got to figure out the sleeping arrangements and get the younger kids to bed."

Jason’s eyes lit up. "I’m sleeping in Luke’s room." Sharon glanced at her older son and hoped David wasn’t hurt by Jason’s obvious preference for Luke. Or was it Luke’s collection of electronic games? David probably preferred being alone anyway. "Melanie, you can sleep in the guest room with me, and Stephanie, we’ll slip you in beside your mother. It’s a big bed, but you have to be very quiet." By the time the kids were settled, she was exhausted. Joe helped Luke with Jason, then followed Sharon downstairs. Her every nerve ending felt his nearness. When she collapsed on the sofa and propped her feet on the coffee table, Joe sat down beside her. Sharon leaned back and closed her eyes; she knew he watched her. She didn’t mind. It felt good having him there. They didn’t need to talk to feel comfortable together. She realized she was becoming selfish where Joe was concerned, not wanting to question the "rightness" of his presence, but simply to enjoy it. Joe reached over and took her hand, weaving his fingers through hers. Sharon never knew hand-holding could be so thrilling. A strange sound broke into Sharon’s sleepy musings. It was the roar of an engine, not an even, traveling sound, but with jerky stops and starts, then a racing noise like someone was holding one foot on the brake and the other on the accelerator. The sound came closer, then the vehicle screeched to a halt in front of her place. She turned and peeked out the window through the drapes. "Oh no, it’s Ty. Wait here, Joe. Let me talk to him first." "Paula, I know you’re in there. Come on out." Ty’s speech sounded slurred. Sharon was out on the porch before he could reach the house. "Be quiet, Ty," she shushed. "Can’t you see everyone is asleep. Come back in the morning." Ty wavered on unsteady feet, but somehow remained upright. "I’ll leave when I have my wife." Sharon could tell how determined he was. "Ty, please, can’t you wait until tomorrow?" "I want to see her now, Sharon. Please get her." "She’s asleep, Ty, honest. Wait until you sober up, then you can work things out. I know it’s what Paula wants." Ty was silent a moment, thinking it over. "I have to tell her I love her." Joe stepped out onto the porch. "Tomorrow will have to do." Ty’s eyes narrowed as he peered into the shadows. Sharon realized they hadn’t met. "Ty, this is one of Luke’s teachers, and a friend of mine." "What’s he doing here?" Ty moved toward Joe. "Did you come to see my wife?" "No," Joe said quietly. "I’m visiting Mrs. Quinn and the boys."

Sharon hoped Ty would accept Joe’s explanation instead of concocting some wild fantasy involving Paula. That was all they needed. "Have you forgotten Tom already, Sharon?" Ty’s words slammed in to her like a solid blow. Hadn’t she asked herself the same question, berating the weakness that allowed her to feel the way she did about Joe? Ty’s accusation confirmed her guilt. "That’s enough," Joe said, steel in his voice. "I’m giving you a ride home…now!" Sharon could tell Ty was angry at being kept from his wife. "Who are you to tell me what to do?" She was afraid he’d begin swinging at Joe. She heard a movement behind her at the front door. Paula. Sharon motioned for her to stay hidden. Joe tried again. "How about a drink, then?" Sharon thought it was a rotten suggestion, but kept her fingers crossed that he would at least take Ty away. Ty appeared to consider Joe’s offer. "That’s a good idea. Let’s get a drink." He followed Joe to the red truck, saying, "But I want to come right back here." "Later," Joe assured him. "Say, it’s been a long time since I’ve driven a four-wheel drive. Mind if I try it?" The old truck was Ty’s pride and joy, and the compliment obviously hit home. "Sure, fella, you can drive." With a deep sigh of relief, Sharon watched them drive off. Paula stepped onto the porch, still dressed in her jeans and light cotton shirt. "I should have talked to him." "Tomorrow," Sharon replied, feeling weary. "He was in no condition to make sense tonight. Let Joe handle it." She worried for an instant that she was, once again, trying to control Paula’s life. But this was her home, and Ty would have upset everyone, including the children, if she’d let him stay. Paula shivered and rubbed her arms. "Why does it have to be like this? We had such high hopes…" "I don’t know," Sharon said. It was difficult to offer encouragement in light of the situation. She was glad her pastor was coming by tomorrow. She didn’t feel very wise right now. Paula seemed to realize this and said, "I’m sorry. Here I am, burdening you with my troubles, and you have enough of your own." "Hush, not another word. I’m glad you came to me." Paula began to shake uncontrollably. "Let’s get you inside and find a nice, warm granny gown. Things’ll look better in the morning." She certainly hoped she was right. After the house was quiet again, Sharon still couldn’t sleep. She kept thinking about how often Joe was there when she needed him. Not only tonight, but the way he’d taken Luke in hand and turned him away from potential trouble. He’d even offered friendly support during her job search.

No one could ask for a better friend. Had he gained anything in return? He’d expected nothing. Her heart sank. As soon as the school year was over, Joe would leave, and he hadn’t said a word about keeping in touch. Whatever the reason, she hated to see him go. After months of numbness, she was beginning to feel again. And if Ty had noticed her attachment to Joe, others must have, too. She’d always been concerned with the proper image and was badly failing her own standards. Or did it matter so much what people thought? Was it a weakness to care, or maybe a strength? Sharon found it difficult to judge her own emotions when they were in such shambles. She wondered if Joe felt like she was leading him on, or using him for her own purposes. She wouldn’t be surprised if he did feel used. Whenever he tried to get close, she told him she wasn’t ready. What were his intentions? Were they as innocent as they seemed? There were other unattached females in Hollow Bend he could be spending his time with. Why did he choose to be with her and the boys? The question puzzled Sharon far in to the night, when she should have been sleeping. Suddenly, the answer became very, very important. The kitchen was crowded for breakfast the next morning. It was Saturday, and the children were boisterous as befitting a weekend, while on school days, they resembled incoherent zombies. Sharon had never figured that one out. She stirred the eggs and milk for French toast, while David made the orange juice and Luke entertained the younger children. Paula hadn’t come downstairs. Melanie was busy setting the table, stealing a glance at David every now and then. Sharon wondered if the two teenagers were friends again. "Will you take over for a minute, Melanie? I want to check on your mother." Sharon was glad Paula was getting her rest, but thought she should eat, too. She realized at that moment that she had a lot of her mother in her. Sharon knocked softly, then slipped into the master bedroom and said with a forced cheerfulness, "Good morning." Paula sat on the edge of the bed, dressed in the same wrinkled clothes she’d worn last night. The flannel gown Sharon had loaned her was folded neatly on the dresser. "The kids are whipping up a great breakfast. Ready to come down?" Paula gave her a faint smile. "I guess so. I feel foolish now, letting the kids in on our argument." Sharon sat beside her. "Kids are pretty tough. They might be relieved it’s all out in the open." Paula pushed off the bed with a great show of reluctance and followed Sharon downstairs. The drifting aroma of maple syrup greeted them, stirring Sharon’s appetite. She hadn’t heard Father Simmons come in, but he sat at the table with the others, enjoying a piece of French toast.

Paula balked. "I don’t want to see him now," she groaned under her breath. Sharon pulled her into the kitchen and murmured, "Come on, he won’t bite." That wasn’t much consolation to someone as shy as her friend. The white-haired priest looked up and greeted them. "Sit down and eat, ladies, before it’s all gone." He chuckled and reached for another helping. "I’m stuffed," Melanie said. "Sit here, Mom." "I’ll sit next to you," Sharon told Paula. She tapped Luke on the shoulder. "You are done, aren’t you, son?" He started to object, but after another look from his mother, he got up. "Right. I am." When he stood, though, he frowned in annoyance. He probably could have eaten steadily for another half-hour or so, his mother mused, depending how long the food held out. Sharon watched Paula on the sly and was relieved her friend managed one piece of toast. Father Simmons tried to talk to her, but Paula didn’t have much to say. After they’d finished, Sharon suggested the adults move into the living room with their coffee. The younger generation left for the skating rink. Sharon wanted no distractions while they talked to the pastor. When the women were settled on the couch, Sharon cleared her throat. Had she done the right thing, bringing these two together? She wasn’t sure Paula would forgive her for this, but she plunged ahead anyway. "Paula, I asked Father to stop by and see if he could help you and Ty in some way." The glitter in Paula’s eyes told Sharon she was angry, but Paula’s good manners were too ingrained to say anything in front of the clergyman. He spoke in a gentle tone to ease the tension. "Don’t be afraid of me, young lady. I’d like to help, if I can." Paula was silent as if gathering her thoughts. Then slowly, haltingly, she began to tell him her story. "I really love my husband, Father, but something’s made him very unhappy, and he won’t tell me what it is." "Do you think he’d talk to me?" the priest asked. Paula shook her head. "That’s the trouble. He’s very proud and would consider himself less a man if he couldn’t solve his own problems." Father Simmons gave her a gentle smile. "We all need help somewhere along the way, my dear. It takes a big person to admit it and accept it." Paula nodded slowly, forgetting her inhibitions and warming to the subject that was so vital to the survival of her marriage. "Oh, I agree. I just have to convince my husband." The priest chuckled. "I have a feeling you could convince him of anything if you put your mind to it."

Paula tilted her head. "You think so?" The unmistakable roar of Ty’s four-wheel drive pulled into Sharon’s driveway. Paula’s breathing stilled, and perspiration broke out on her upper lip. "He’s here." Her face was pale, but determined.

CHAPTER 7 "Do you want me to talk to him?" the priest asked. Paula hesitated, biting her lower lip. "Better let me try first." She stood and took firm steps toward the door. Inhaling deeply, she went outside to face her husband. Sharon smiled at the pastor. "Thank you, Father. I think it helped Paula to talk to someone who’s unbiased." "It usually does," he spoke softly. "It’s always good to know we’re not alone." He glanced out the window. "If they love each other enough…" He suddenly sounded very tired. It must be difficult, Sharon thought, to carry so many burdens on those frail shoulders. She’d never known him to feel sorry for himself or to refuse a call for help. The quiet outside erupted in angry voices. "I ain’t gonna talk to a preacher," Ty yelled. "Then you can go on home without me, Ty Banner. Things have got to change. If you won’t talk to me or Father Simmons, you have to talk to someone." She paused, then, "We can’t go on like this." Sharon was surprised. She’d never known her friend to take a strong stand on anything. She knew what an effort it took. Ty’s retort splintered the morning. "You’re making a mistake, Paula. I want you to come home with me now." No answer from Paula. The next thing they heard was the truck start up and screech out of the driveway. Paula didn’t come in right away, and Sharon was about to go look for her. The door opened, and they saw the distressed expression on her face. She sank onto the couch. "Good for you, young lady." "What? I’ve only made him madder." He smiled, his blue eyes kind. "As I said, good for you. He’ll be back, you can be sure of that." Paula shook her head. "No, you don’t know his pride. I should have gone with him. I should have…" "No, you did exactly right. Give him time to think. When his mind’s a little clearer, he’ll want to talk." Paula’s mouth trembled slightly. "You really think so?" The elderly priest nodded. "When he’s ready to seek help, will you bring him to me?" Paula stared at him, her brows drawn in to a frown. Then, her facial muscles relaxed. "I’ll try."

Father Simmons picked up his black hat from the coffee table and said, "Don’t forget. Call if you need me." He glanced at Sharon, too, when he said it, and winked. As they walked to the door, she said, "Thank you, for everything." "Don’t mention it." He touched a hand to his hat, then said goodbye. "Do you really think Ty will come back?" Paula asked. Sharon smiled thoughtfully. "Yes, I do. So, we’d better get the dishes done before I get stuck with them." They laughed together and went into the kitchen. Sharon wondered what Joe was doing. *** Sharon tried to keep Paula busy throughout the day, but realized her friend grew increasingly agitated. She was hopeful at first, but now several hours had passed since Ty’s visit. "He isn’t coming," Paula cried, after staring out the window for the umpteenth time. Sharon put her arm around her. "He will, I’m sure he will." She hoped Father Simmons was right as she assured her friend. What if Ty didn’t return? Then what? About an hour later, they heard the familiar rumble coming down the road. Paula ran to the front window as Ty’s red truck pulled in. "Now, calm down," Sharon said. "He’s probably thought it through, and you’ll be able to talk to him. But let him come to you." The kids were going to the afternoon matinee after the morning skating session, so the couple would be able to have their discussion in private. "I’m going for a walk," she said, but doubted if Paula heard her. Her friend’s gaze was riveted on the man coming up the steps. Sharon grabbed a navy blue pea jacket and went out the back door just as Ty reached the front. This reminded her of the fights she and Tom used to have. Sometimes she’d wondered if it was worth the effort to hold a marriage together. Now she knew that it was. The good far outweighed the bad if you tried hard enough. Sharon turned toward the river. It gave her spirit a lift to breathe in the fresh air. It was too early in Idaho for spring flowers, but the trees displayed a new covering of leaves. Joe’s familiar figure came into view, and Sharon felt a surge of happiness she couldn’t explain. It was enough that he was there. When he drew closer, she said softly, "Hi, don’t I know you?" Joe grinned broadly, and they stood gazing at one another for a long moment. "Going my way?" he asked. His jaw was shadowed with a day’s growth. She replied in a teasing tone, "And which way is that?" "Does it matter?"

It seemed that he meant something more than a walk, and she wasn’t sure how to answer. He often spoke with double meaning to his words. He took her hand, and she had to hurry to keep up with him. She loved the feel of his roughened skin against hers. They strolled in companionable silence until Sharon remembered to thank him for his rescue the night before. His touch had nearly robbed her of her manners. "Glad to help," he replied, then asked, "Have they talked it over yet?" "Father Simmons came to see Paula this morning, and Ty drove up a few minutes ago. I hope he was ready to talk sensibly." She glanced at him. "By the way, what happened last night?" "Ty wasn’t too pleased with himself when he realized that he might have lost his wife. Luckily, he passed out on my sofa while insisting on going back to your place." "You mean, he stayed with you?" "I thought I’d better keep an eye on him. He drank several cups of coffee this morning, then said he wanted to talk to Paula. You’d told me that the priest was coming over, so I decided to stay out of it." He squeezed her hand. "Didn’t Ty show up earlier?" "Yes, but he was very demanding, and Paula told him to go away. I think that’s the first time she’s ever stood up to him." Sharon shook her head. "I do hope things work out between them." "So do I," Joe said. "Let me know what happens." He stopped, gripping her fingers even tighter. He stared down at her with a tender expression that stirred her insides. "I need to finish a report for the vice principal. It has to be ready Monday morning. Can you find your way back all right?" His dark eyes gleamed with an emotion she didn’t understand. What did he really feel for her? She felt bereft at his departure. "I guess so. Good luck with your paperwork, and thanks again for last night." It seemed as if she were always thanking him for something. "As I said before, anytime." His gaze slid from her eyes to her mouth, then on down with a hunger in his expression. Sharon’s heartbeat accelerated, and her breathing grew shallow as she waited. *** Joe’s throat felt like the air supply had closed off when she looked up at him. A faint breeze stirred her auburn hair, making it come even more vibrantly alive. He leaned toward her and rubbed his lips lightly back and forth over hers, creating a rolling sensation in the pit of his stomach. His body went hot, then he shivered with a desire that would not be quenched. This was one dangerous lady, and he’d promised himself to take it easy, not plunge headlong into disaster. He needed more research to find out if a guardian ever took a permanent assignment. Was he wrong to hope? With a deep sigh, he decided once again, to let her go for now. "Goodbye, pretty lady." He didn’t know

how to say goodbye forever. *** Joe turned and began an easy jog down the road toward his apartment. Sharon watched until he was out of sight, then headed slowly for her place. Saying goodbye to Joe became more and more difficult, and, soon, it would be for good. What was she going to do about it? That question inspired answers that scared her sense of security and propriety. Could she be braver than she’d ever been before? When she got home, the house was empty. She paced the floor, wondering what to do. Should she call Joe? No, he’d been bothered enough, and besides, he had work to do. She phoned the Banner house, but no one answered. When would the kids be back? She ended up scrubbing the kitchen sink for lack of something better to do, although she’d already cleaned it that morning. When the phone rang, Sharon nearly jumped out of her shoes. "Sharon, it’s Paula. We’re here at the church. Can you believe it? Ty agreed to talk to Father Simmons at least once. I told him I wouldn’t go home unless he did." Sharon caught the joy in Paula’s voice. "That’s wonderful, Paula. I’m glad." She had an idea. "Listen, why don’t I keep the kids here tonight? You can pick them up tomorrow. That way, you and Ty will have some time alone." "You really wouldn’t mind?" Paula asked, her voice incredulous, but hopeful. "No, it’ll be fine. The teenagers will help. Have a good evening, and I’ll see you tomorrow." When they’d hung up, Sharon turned away from the phone and felt a deep sense of loneliness settle over her. What kind of friend was she, Sharon thought. She should be happy for Paula, and she was, she insisted inwardly. She had to pull herself out of this mood. The kids would be here soon, and there’d be a houseful to handle. The phone rang again, and this time it was Joe. "Just wanted to make sure you got home safely," he explained, his husky voice sending shivers down her spine. Sharon’s spirits soared. "Yes, I did, but with no help from you." "Ouch," he said. "I can see you’re as prickly as ever." Before she could retort, he added, "How did things go with the Banners?" "Fine, so far. Paula just called, and they’re with Father Simmons at the church. They’re leaving the kids here tonight." "Hmmm, sounds like you’ll be swamped. Need help?" As much as she was tempted, Sharon refused. "Thanks anyway, Joe, but you’d better stick to your paperwork. We must keep Mr. Basil happy, mustn’t we?" Why was she being self-sacrificing and throwing away the chance to be with him?

"All right, but call if you need me." She couldn’t depend on him for everything, but he had made her feel better. With a sudden burst of energy, she decided to make a casserole for the bunch that would be arriving any minute. Things didn’t look so bleak after all. *** By three o’clock the next afternoon, Sharon was exhausted. Even with the teenagers’ help, the two younger children had needed constant supervision or entertainment. How did Paula do it? It’s been a long time, she thought, running her fingers through her hair. David, Luke, and Melanie had grown tired of corralling the youngsters and gone bowling. Stephanie and Jason were playing with Caddy in the front yard. The rapidly growing St. Bernard loved all children and was always ready for a romp; that is, unless a nap sounded more inviting. A rapping sound at the door startled Sharon, and she sat up, realizing she’d dozed off in the chair. What were the children doing? She hurried to the door and found Joe standing outside. "Hi." Sharon’s heart flip-flopped at the sight and sound of him. His eyes shone with an emotion she didn’t dare analyze. "Hi, yourself. What brings you here?" She suddenly didn’t feel so tired. "I was just about done with my report and decided to take a break." He motioned toward the kids and overgrown puppy in the yard and asked, "Getting to you yet?" Sharon nodded, then felt ashamed. "It’s not the kids’ fault. They’ve been great. I’m just feeling my age, I guess." "Well, it’s Reardon to the rescue. You go back to what you were doing, and I’ll watch the little hoodlums." She laughed. "You mean little darlings, don’t you?" "Oops, slip of the tongue." He turned and whistled to Jason to throw him the ball. Soon, the four of them, including Caddy, were engrossed in a new game of ball tag. Sharon watched from the porch swing instead of going inside. She loved the music of Joe’s deep laughter as he played with the children. She couldn’t imagine how it would be when he left Hollow Bend. He’d made it possible for her to find her own strengths and to feel joy in the little moments. Every once in awhile, Joe would look over to see if she was watching. His grin was wide, like a small boy seeking approval. She gave it to him with her smile. About half an hour later, Ty and Paula pulled up. Paula was cuddled up to Ty so that it looked like only one person in the cab. Sharon breathed a sigh of relief and went out to greet them. Joe reached the truck first. The Banners acted as shy as honeymooners the way their glances kept meeting, with a sense of wonder in their eyes. Sharon felt a twinge of envy, hoping that someday she could once again feel complete happiness for those who were in love. Joe and Ty shook hands, as Ty flushed a deep red. "Thanks, Joe, for the other night. Sorry for the

trouble I caused." Joe tried to put him at ease. "I’m glad it worked out." He cast a glance at Sharon and she smiled, silently echoing those sentiments. Stephanie and Jason interrupted their game for a moment to holler to their parents. "Hi Mom, hi Dad." Caddy had since worn out and gone to sleep on the porch. Some watchdog, Sharon thought wryly. "We just came by to pick up the kids," Ty said. Paula added, "Thanks for keeping them." Her eyes held the unspoken message that she’d tell Sharon all about it later. The two women had always been able to read one another’s minds. Ty included his thanks and called to the children. "Time to go, kids. Get in the truck." With grumbles and protests, the youngsters scrambled into the cab. Sharon told Paula that David would bring Melanie home after bowling. As they drove out of sight, she sighed deeply once more. "Whew. I never thought things would turn out so well." Turning to Joe, she said, "You deserve another dinner. Want to stay?" "Yes, ma’am, but no cooking for you. I’ll run into town and order some dinner from the Chicken Coop. You soak in the tub or take a nap or whatever. I’ll be back before you know it." Sharon stood, speechless, as he slid into his car and left. What a nice feeling to have someone look after her. Not that Tom hadn’t; they were just two different kinds of men. A sliver of disloyalty sliced through her, but she didn’t allow it to take hold. She did as Joe suggested and ran the water in her old claw-foot tub. She’d wear her blue wool; loving the soft fabric against her skin. Tom had liked it, too. It felt strange to be dressing up for someone else but, she insisted, she was doing it mostly for herself. While she was soaking, she heard the front door slam, signaling David and Luke’s return. "Mom, we’re home," shouted the rambunctious Luke. "I’m in the tub," she called back. "Be out in a minute." "Take your time," David said. Sharon liked it when her family gathered at the end of the day. Then she knew they were safe at home and nothing could harm them. At least that’s the way it seemed to her. It wasn’t long before Joe returned. By then, Sharon had slipped into the blue dress and brushed her long hair, then tied it back with a matching ribbon. Instead of shoes, she wore blue satin slippers. After all, they were just relaxing at home. *** When she came downstairs, Joe was momentarily stunned, as he always was by her beauty. He admired the way she took one day at a time in her struggle for survival. He often tried to imagine all she was going through. Had she guessed how he felt about her? Probably not, but he realized he wanted her to look at him the

same way she must have looked at her husband, her green eyes glowing with love. A twinge of jealousy made him turn away and put the food on the table. Not the proper emotion for an angel. He’d been fantasizing too much about possibilities lately instead of dealing with reality. He halted his thoughts and tried to concentrate on the task at hand. "Everybody hungry?" he asked with a grin. An affirmative chorus was his answer, and he breathed a sign of relief. They all enjoyed the dinner Joe had provided, especially Caddy who wasn’t particular about who fed him. If he got any bigger, he wouldn’t fit under the table. Joe noticed that David was unusually quiet. He thought the boy had been coming out of his shell lately, but it was obvious something was still bothering him. "How’s your dinner, David?" he asked. David mumbled, "Okay." No matter how hard Joe tried, he couldn’t seem to win David’s trust. The bond he had with Luke had been earned through constant exposure in the classroom and in sports, but he’d had no such opportunity with David. Joe tried to guess what Sharon’s older boy was thinking. There had to be a way to get through to him. With a start, he wondered why it should be so important when he was leaving in June. Maybe it was because his mission felt unfinished. Sharon laughed at something Luke had said and Joe looked across at her. She was lovely, in the soft lamplight, with her thick auburn hair and flashing green eyes. Perhaps at first it was her tragic air that had stirred the protective impulses he had toward her, but now, it was much more than that. Joe had trouble swallowing the bite he’d taken as he admitted the love he felt was the forever kind, sacred and lasting. He was never going to get over it, not for all of eternity. He’d thought that maybe it was common for guardians to feel so protective about their charges, but this was different. Painfully, he gulped, then washed the food down. What in the world was he going to do about it? "More chicken?" Sharon asked, handing him the bucket. He shook his head, but couldn’t speak, so overwhelmed was he by the emotion he’d acknowledged. A sense of panic flooded his being. He was breaking all the rules, and he knew, firsthand, how important was the order of the universe. Maybe he’d better ask for a more in-depth consult, even though it would be humiliating for him. Maybe humility was the emotion he’d been sent to experience more fully. Luke punched him on the arm to get his attention, so Joseph tried to focus on what the boy was saying. "Do you think I should go out for quarterback next year?" "If you practice hard enough, work on your accuracy." "Can you help me?" Luke asked.

Joe realized Sharon hadn’t told them he was leaving yet, so he didn’t know what to say, except, "Sure, we’ll get together next week." After dinner, the boys offered, uncharacteristically, to do the dishes. Joe said he had to get back to his report, though he wanted nothing more than to stay. *** Sharon walked him to the door. "Dinner was nice, Joe. Thanks for thinking of it." He leaned toward her and said in a low voice, "Since you’re feeling grateful, how about having dinner with me Saturday night?" Sharon’s pulse quickened in confusion. "I… I don’t know." It was one thing to have Joe over for dinner, or attend a crowded 4-H dance, but to accept a date with him alone would be admitting she was ready for… Joe put his finger to her lips. "Don’t think, just say yes. I’ll call you." Sharon nodded numbly. She should have given him a definite no, but her traitorous tongue remained silent. His face was so close to hers it was hard to think straight. "You’re beautiful, you know that?" His lips brushed hers lightly, then he was gone. Sharon stared into the night, suddenly aware she was holding her breath. She exhaled and forced her respiration to resume a normal rhythm before going inside. Part of her wished he hadn’t left so early, but she needed time to sort through the emotions that threatened to fly out of control. She’d heard that losing a loved one left a person disoriented for quite awhile. Was that what this jumble called a brain was going through? Was it part of a natural process? She wished she knew the answer. The boys were just finishing up in the kitchen. "Did you have fun bowling?" she asked. The dinner conversation hadn’t gotten around to it, and she’d forgotten to ask them earlier. "It was great," Luke replied. "I bowled a one-eighty." When David didn’t reply, Sharon prompted, "David?" He faced her, his expression grave. "Isn’t that Reardon guy here an awful lot? It doesn’t look right." "Come off it, David," Luke warned. "Joe’s a super guy, and you know it." Sharon silenced her younger son with a quick shake of her head and turned to her dark-haired boy. "We ’ve talked about this before, David. Joe’s a good friend. He’s been kind to the whole family, and there’s nothing more than that between us." It wasn’t a truly honest assessment, but what else could she say? What else would David accept? She’d known from the beginning he kept his distance from the older man, but had chosen to ignore it, hoping Joe’s efforts at friendship would make a difference. It hadn’t been enough.

David’s mouth formed a straight line, then he spoke as if trying to force the words out. "It’s just that…it hasn’t been that long since Dad died. I’ve heard some talk…" Sharon wasn’t surprised, but indignant just the same. "What have you heard?" She had her own suspicions, but waited for her son to confirm them. "Mrs. Moran was telling Harold Baker’s Mom that Joe was over here all the time, and she didn’t think it was right." Sharon felt her face grow hot with anger. "Is that so? Since when do you worry about what that woman says? You know how she watches our house. It’s as if she has nothing better to do." Her defensive outburst only made David look grimmer. How could she explain she needed someone to depend upon, as a friend? Paula was busy working to save her marriage, and Sharon didn’t want to put a further drain on her. She tried again. "I haven’t done anything to be ashamed of, David. Have a little faith in your old Mom, okay?" She went over and put her arms around him. He managed a shadow of a smile before turning back to the dishes. She knew he wasn’t convinced. How could she blame him? Maybe her conduct wasn’t befitting a recent widow. Perhaps she should refuse Joe’s invitation to dinner, not wanting to do anything that would further hamper David’s recovery from his loss. What about your loss, she asked herself? Disregarding the question, she remembered her sons had to come first. Didn’t they? She stifled a yawn. "Now, if you two don’t mind, I’m going to bed. Thanks for doing the dishes. I’ll see you in the morning." She had no wish to discuss the matter further. They said goodnight, but as Sharon went around the corner, she heard Luke say, "Couldn’t you just keep your mouth shut?" Sharon couldn’t understand David’s mumbled reply, but his words were low and urgent. He must be having a terrible time adjusting to Tom’s death. She wished there was more she could do. Maybe it would be better to refuse to see Joe at all. That really wasn’t fair, she thought. Joe hadn’t done anything wrong, and neither had she. Perhaps things hadn’t worked out with Melanie, and he was feeling low about that. If only his father were here… But how many times had she wished for the impossible? *** Joseph forced himself to endure the meeting with Serena as penance for his crime, falling in love with a human, a very susceptible one at that. "Is it as bad as all that?" Serena asked kindly. "Worse." How could he explain? Surely the Head Guardian had never gone through anything like this. "I know what you’re going through, Joseph. I’ve felt that way before, once, a long time ago." Joseph lifted his head and stared in astonishment. "What did you do about it?"

He caught a glimpse of sadness before her natural joy shone through. "It wasn’t meant to be, so I had to let go. It was the most difficult thing I’ve ever done." Joseph didn’t know what to say. She really did understand his dilemma. "So, what should I do?" "No one can choose for another." "But…couldn’t I undergo a forgetfulness session, or something? Anything?" He really didn’t want to forget Sharon, he admitted to himself, at least not yet. "I’m afraid not, my friend. You’ll have to see this through." In a way, Joseph was relieved that his mission hadn’t been terminated, but that didn’t solve his problem. *** The cafeteria was busy all the next week, with several visiting groups of teachers touring the school. Esther and her staff were expected to serve a special luncheon for the visitors right after they’d finished feeding the students. Sharon worked longer hours than usual and went to bed early each night. On Thursday, her mother called to invite the boys down for the weekend. Without checking with them, Sharon accepted, grateful to her parents for their consideration. "They’d love to, Mom. We’ll call and let you know what time they get on the bus Saturday morning." David and Luke liked the idea of spending the weekend at Haden Lake. Luke’s basketball game was Friday night, and David wasn’t scheduled to work. She promised to take good care of Caddy, refusing their suggestion that the dog go with them. Their grandparents might not mind, but she didn’t think the bus driver would appreciate an oversized and shedding passenger who also drooled. Paula called that afternoon to bring her up on the latest developments. "When I realized how badly Ty wanted to see his parents, we decided he should make the trip, or even better, bring them here." "Won’t that be awfully expensive?" Sharon was mentally calculating whether there was any way she could help. "I know. That’s why I’m looking for a part-time job, then I’ll help him save." "That’s wonderful, Paula. I’m sure it’ll work out." She decided to ask Esther if they could hire anyone else in the cafeteria. "We couldn’t have done it without your help, and Joe’s." Sharon felt a lump in her throat when she heard her name linked with Joe’s. "How are the kids taking all this?" Paula hesitated. "The younger ones don’t seem affected by it at all, but Melanie is a little cool toward Ty. Of course, he is her stepfather, so she’s more judgmental of him." "Probably just her age and the pain of growing up," Sharon said, "but Melanie’s a smart girl. She’ll realize how much Ty loves all of you." "Yes, and I’m glad she and David are getting along. Her mood has brightened considerably."

"That’s good. Melanie’s been a true friend to David." They chatted a few more minutes before hanging up, promising to get together soon for lunch. Sharon drove the boys to the Greyhound station early Saturday morning. As they were buying the tickets, it hit her that this was the first time they’d been separated since Tom’s death. She embraced each one as if they’d be gone a month. "Hey, we’ll be home tomorrow night," Luke said, laughing at her. Sharon punched him playfully, then looked up into David’s blue eyes. He was watching her with a worried expression. "Will you be all right?" "I’ll be fine. You two have fun and give the folks a hug for me." They boarded the bus, and she waved goodbye, feeling a sense of loss. Maybe she should have gone with them. Her mother had hoped she would, but understood Sharon’s need for quiet, especially after last weekend with the Banners and their problems. But now, she felt overwhelmingly alone. Is this how she’d feel when they left home for good? How would she bear it? Sharon stopped at the post office to pick up the mail, rather than taking her usual walk to retrieve it. She didn’t glance at the stack, but set it on the seat next to her. When she got home, she took the mail into the kitchen and tossed it on the table, then began making a fresh pot of coffee. While it perked, she sat down and shuffled through the envelopes. There were several bills, and a request for a donation, but the one that caught her attention was a letter addressed to Tom. It had been forwarded from the trucking company where he’d worked. It still hurt when that happened, especially if it was from an old acquaintance of his who didn’t know about the accident. Then, she had to write an explanation and live through Tom’s death all over again. Glancing at the return address, she stopped and stared. Portland, Oregon. A curious sense of foreboding washed over her. She remembered the address tucked away in Tom’s wallet and the MasterCharge bill from the lingerie shop in the same city. That, too, had been forwarded from Tom’s work. Her chest rose as she tried to inhale enough air to overcome a sudden lightheadedness. With trembling fingers, she ripped open the envelope. A faint aroma tickled her nose. The letter was scented, she noticed, as she unfolded the blue paper and read the neatly written script. "Dear Tom, where have you been? I couldn’t wait any longer to write. Please get in touch. I’ve missed you so. Love, Kathy." The name Kathy stuck like a bone in her throat. She tried to think of another explanation for the letter, but Sharon finally had to admit that all the suspicions she’d hidden deep inside for years were true. She could no longer deny Tom’s unfaithfulness. How blind she’d been, or wanted to be. It began to make sense…all the little signs she’d refused to

believe, the address, the bill, the times Tom was a day or so late in coming home… Maybe she’d wondered about each incident separately, but hadn’t wanted to piece them together. That would have meant she’d have to do something about it and disrupt her safe, secure little world. Besides, she thought they were happy together. Weren’t they? She crumpled the blue sheet into a ball, then opened it again and read for the second time, wondering why she was torturing herself. She clenched her hands into fists, wanting to smash something. The image of a mysterious woman and her Tom was so vivid she felt nauseated. Viciously, she tore the letter to shreds. Had Tom meant to tell Sharon about this? Probably not. She admitted he was basically a selfish man, feeling guilty for the thought even now. Were all the years they’d lived together a lie? Had there been other women? Or was Kathy special? Sharon felt as if she’d been used, unwanted, unloved. Was nothing as it had seemed? The phone rang, but it took her a moment to interpret the sound. She didn’t feel like talking to anyone and merely stared at the offending object. But it didn’t stop ringing. She remembered the boys. Maybe it was her mother, wanting to know if they were on their way, though Sharon had called her earlier. Or there’d been an accident… She got up and lifted the receiver. "Yes?" "Sharon?" She knew the voice was familiar, but couldn’t place it at first. "Sharon, it’s Joe. Are you all right?" Joe. Sharon tried to concentrate on the present. "Yes, Joe, I’m fine." There was a pause, then, "I’ll pick you up at six. Wear something dressy." What was he talking about? She didn’t understand. "What did you say?" "We’re going to dinner tonight, remember?" Joe was beginning to sound worried. She mustn’t let him know what she’d discovered. No one must ever know. "Joe, I don’t think…" Her gaze focused on the shreds of blue paper on the kitchen table. She straightened and took a deep breath. Why shouldn’t she? "I’ll be ready at six." "Good, see you then." She replaced the receiver and stared at the destroyed letter. Scooping it up, she threw it into the trash, then took the whole bag and carried it to the cans out back. Lighting a match to the paper, she wasn’t satisfied until nothing remained but ashes. Like the ashes of her marriage.

CHAPTER 8 Sharon went through the rest of the day in a fog, refusing to think. She’d find herself in the middle of a room, unable to remember why she was there. She opened the refrigerator to put away a dust rag, then walked out onto the front porch for no apparent reason. Caddy lifted one brow when Sharon moaned, "Oh, Caddy, what am I going to do?" At the sound of her distress, the dog struggled to his feet and licked her hand. That’s when she began to cry, deep racking sobs that tore her apart. She felt like the past seventeen years had meant nothing. She wished her husband were alive so he could answer the charges. Why, Tom, why? The whole sordid mess ate at her insides. Sharon went into the house and sank onto the couch, but wherever she looked, there were reminders of her husband. A photo of his parents on the TV, a Hummel figurine he’d given her for her birthday, even the comfortable furniture they’d selected together. They all affirmed his continuing influence over her life. "I love you, baby," he’d told her countless times. Oh God, it was like losing him all over again. Or had he ever really belonged to her? She thought she’d been a good wife. Or was the flaw in Tom’s character and not her own? Sharon groaned as a headache closed her eyes with pain. No, she didn’t believe she was the one who’d failed. What difference did it make, anyway? She’d begun to put her life together again, but now she didn’t care. Yes, she did, she thought as she remembered her boys. Maybe she should have gone with them, but the letter would still be waiting with its heartbreaking revelation. It was better to face it alone. The light in the room gradually dimmed to a soft gray. What time was it? Sharon forced her aching limbs into the kitchen. Her headache was now a dull, throbbing pain. As she reached for the aspirin, she glanced at the clock. Five-fifteen. Wasn’t there something important she was supposed to do? Joe. He’d be here at six. What kind of companion would she be tonight? Then again, maybe she could forget, if only for a little while. She knew she needed to be with Joe, but felt she was using him. Sharon held out her hand and stared at her wedding rings for a long time, then slowly pulled them off. When she went upstairs to put them away, she knew she’d never wear them again. Sharon took a lilac-scented bath, then dressed in a pale rose dress that clung to her newly-slim figure. After carefully applying her makeup, she used a curling iron to tame the natural wave of her hair, mechanically going through the motions. She’d have it trimmed next week, she thought, as she studied her reflection. It was time for a change. Tom had liked her hair long, but that didn’t matter any more. "Who cares what Tom liked?" Brave words, she chided, as she stared at the stricken face in the mirror. Caddy’s low, rumbling bark alerted Sharon to Joe’s arrival. She slipped into shoes that completed her outfit, grabbed her coat and purse and went downstairs. Forcing a smile, she opened the door.

"Hi," he said in his deep voice. Sharon couldn’t help but be impressed, even in her present state of mind. Joe had gone out of his way to look nice and Sharon was determined not to spoil the evening he’d planned. He wore dark blue slacks with a tan leather sport coat and a navy turtleneck sweater. She had a strong urge to throw herself into his arms and let him ease her pain, as he’d done since they’d met. But it wouldn ’t be fair to burden him further with her problems. When she realized they were both staring, she laughed nervously and stood back. "Won’t you come in?" Joe emitted a low whistle as he stepped into the living room. "You look wonderful." "You don’t look so bad yourself, big boy," she said in her best Mae West. Her mind operated on two levels again, like the day of the funeral, with the outward and inward levels in direct opposition. If they kept their conversation light, she’d make it through the evening. "Are you ready?" he asked with a warm glow in his eyes, as if he were looking forward to spending time alone with her. Sharon nodded and gave a cursory glance around the room. She’d leave Caddy on the porch since he never wandered off the property anymore. "I’m ready." Joe didn’t say where they were going, but when he turned onto the road out of town, she assumed they were on their way to Sandpoint. She was glad they were going somewhere different, away from everyone she knew. Joe entertained along the way with humorous anecdotes from the classroom. It was obvious he really enjoyed teaching and was rewarded with warm acceptance from his students. "How’s Luke doing?" she asked. "Much better. I’ve been pleased with his progress." Sharon studied Joe thoughtfully. He’d made such a difference. Then, without warning, the words in the letter came back to her. ‘I’ve missed you so much.’ The pain of Tom’s infidelity would not rest as Sharon stared at the passing scenery, wondering if she’d ever get over the shock of her discovery. At that moment, she hated her husband. Even though Sharon detested the thought, she knew she’d have to get word to this Kathy, somehow. The woman probably didn’t even know Tom was married. Joe kept trying to talk to her. "Have you seen Paula lately?" She shook her head. That was a painful subject, too. When Joe pulled up to one of the nicest restaurants in Sandpoint, Sharon’s mouth went dry. No, not here, please not here. The familiar cedar siding brought back bittersweet memories. Joe turned to her with a smile. "Here we are. I hope you like this place. They’ve got prime rib, steak, seafood…and candlelight." Sharon nodded, a smile frozen on her lips. He flashed a puzzled look in her direction, but didn’t say

anything. Since Joe had made reservations, the maitre d’ showed them to a table immediately. As he’d mentioned, there were two tall white candles on the table, burning with a soft yellow light. "Give us a few minutes," he said to the maitre d’. Sharon was mesmerized by the flame. Questions tormented her. Was it her fault Tom had needed someone else? Wasn’t she capable of keeping a man happy? She glanced at Joe and wondered if he thought she was lovable. His dark eyes searched hers, trying to figure out her mood. The waiter handed them each a leather-bound menu and she opened hers. The printing blurred. I will not lose control, she told herself desperately. No more tears. Joe reached over and covered her hand with his. "What’s wrong, Sharon?" His gentle concern was nearly her undoing. The waiter came back to the table and Joe waved him away. "Not yet," he said. "Sharon, look at me." His voice held such tightly reigned authority that she obeyed. Sharon stared into his eyes, wishing she hadn’t come. She’d only pulled him into her misery. "Do you want to leave?" he asked. "Yes." Her voice was scarcely above a whisper. Joe pushed his chair back and came around to help with her coat. She had to hold on a little longer. *** The temperature had dropped ten degrees since they’d left Hollow Bend. A flash of light and a distant rumble warned of an approaching storm. Joe kept his questions under wraps with great difficulty. Why had he allowed himself to become involved with the beautiful widow? Then he remembered the first time he’d seen Sharon and what he’d learned about her since. He’d had no choice in the matter. If she needed him, he’d be there, as long as he could manage. He glanced at her downcast face and felt the same protective urge he’d had the day of her husband’s funeral. He thought she was finally ready to live again, to cast off the shadows of grief. What had happened? When she was safely tucked into the car, he got in and waited while she dabbed her eyes with a handkerchief. He had to admire her struggle to keep from crying. "Do you want to talk about it?" She shook her head. He’d had enough and responded in a very human way. "Dammit, don’t I deserve some kind of explanation? I ask you out to dinner, and all you can do is cry?" He felt the jolt from above. Her reply was so soft he wasn’t sure he’d heard her at first. "I’m sorry."

Her face was turned away from him. He reached over and put his hand under her chin, forcing her to look at him. "Why, Sharon? Can’t you tell your old buddy?" When she didn’t answer, he gripped the steering wheel to keep from shaking her. He’d never felt so frustrated. How could he break down the wall around her? He thought it had already begun to crumble. Joe stared at passing cars, as another flash of lightning lit up the darkening sky. "Joe?" Sharon touched his arm. He turned and looked into her unhappy face. "Yes?" She had his full attention. "It just hit me. I didn’t want to react like that. Tom took me to that restaurant for our last anniversary and…" "Why didn’t you say so? We could have gone somewhere else. Does it still hurt that much?" Sharon didn’t reply. Maybe he should have asked where she wanted to go, but had decided to surprise her. He’d tried to be a friend and it was tearing him up inside. Joe started the car and pulled out into the traffic moving toward Hollow Bend. The streaks of light and claps of thunder were coming closer. Dark menacing clouds tumbled across the sky. Okay, maybe this time he’d learned his lesson. He’d leave her alone. Sharon would have to work out her own problems. But the thought of her all alone tore at his guts. What could he do? Serena had obviously made a mistake by sending him here. What could she have been thinking? *** Sharon didn’t know what to say. She’d never seen Joe angry before. Not that she blamed him. If only that letter hadn’t come today, maybe they could have had a nice time. She remembered she’d halfway decided earlier in the week not to go because she didn’t want to upset David, then forgotten everything when she’d read the letter. Lightning hit the ground with a loud crack on a nearby mountainside, followed almost instantly by a deafening roar. She’d hated thunder-and-lightning storms since she was a child. She’d always climbed into bed with her parents and snuggled close to them until the terrible flashes and sounds subsided. And then there’d been Tom to hold her through the night. Sharon glanced at Joe’s granite profile, longing to reach out and touch him. She felt miserably lost and alone. She’d done it now. She didn’t have to worry about saying goodbye at the end of the semester. He wouldn’t be speaking to her at all. By the time they’d reached her home, Sharon felt emotionally drained. What a nightmare the day had been. Joe got out and came around to open her door. She peeked at his face, craving one of his teasing smiles,

but his expression was carved of stone. He didn’t look at her, but guided her through the gate and up to the porch. Caddy leaped around them, but they both ignored him except for the quiet, "Down, boy," from Joe. A jagged streak of light pierced the air and stabbed at the ground. "Please don’t go," she said. "Why?" he demanded, keeping his frame rigid. "I can’t think of a single reason to drag this out any longer." Sharon held onto his arm. "Please Joe, I hate these storms. I’ll fix you something to eat. Just stay for a little while." He clenched his jaw and stared at her, a tumult of emotions blazing from his dark eyes. "Get inside," he said, pointing her towards the entry. He took the key from her and unlocked the door, pushing it open. She didn’t move, but asked again, "Will you stay?" "All right." His voice sounded weary, as if he’d come to the end of a long journey. Then his stomach growled. Sharon smiled at the sound and Joe’s expression softened. "You’d better hurry. I may pass out if I don’t get some food soon." He followed her into the kitchen and sat at the round oak table, watching as she made roast beef sandwiches. She added pickles, tomatoes, and potato chips to the plates and carried them over. "What would you like to drink?" she asked. "There’s milk, orange juice, or root beer…" "Milk, please," he said, grinning lopsidedly, giving in to the better side of his character. Sharon brought the carton and two glasses and set them on the table. Nature’s flash bulbs fired all around now, and she glanced apprehensively out the window. He poured the milk and gave each of them a glass. They ate silently, Sharon merely picking at her food. When she looked up at Joe, their eyes met. She tried to pull her gaze away, but couldn’t. She visualized a battle waging inside each of them and there would be no victors. Joe moved in his seat and cleared his throat. "Maybe it’s time you talked more about your husband, Sharon. It might help." His suggestion threw her off balance. That wasn’t what she’d expected him to say. Dropping her sandwich onto her plate, she stood and went over to the kitchen window, leaning against the sink. Darkness had fallen, but electric arrows intermittently transformed the night into day. The gothic mountain to the east stood majestic against the onslaught. Joe moved close behind her, his hands spanning her waist. She wanted him to hold her, but didn’t ask.

When he spoke, his breath warmed the back of her neck, and she trembled. "Come on, I’m willing to listen. Did you love him very much? Were you happy? I’d really like to know." Sharon needed to talk about Tom, she knew that, but with Joe? It seemed strange he’d want to hear about her husband. But wasn’t that what friends were for? Succumbing to the comfort his arms offered, she leaned back against him. His musk after-shave enveloped her as she began to talk. "Yes, I loved him. I thought we were very happy. Tom was fun to be around, but demanding, too." She sighed, remembering. "He had high standards for other people and very little patience if they didn’t live up to them." She paused, thinking how ironic it was that he’d failed to live up to his own rules. The hurt of the morning wasn’t as intense as before, and she was grateful. When had the pain dulled? Joe’s arms tightened, and he asked in a flat voice, "What do you miss most about him?" Sharon’s gaze selected a distant yard light, and she stared fixedly in that direction. There were good times, she reflected. Thank God for those. Her words took on a dreamy tone. "Sharing, feeling essential to someone. Not having to make decisions alone. They’re all a part of marriage. But now, I wish I’d been more independent, then it wouldn’t be so difficult now." She shrugged, having said enough. "I’m so tired, Joe…" He turned her around. "I’m sorry if my questions upset you. I’ve heard that it helps to talk about a loved one." He stopped and kissed her nose. "Why don’t you go on to bed, and I’ll clean up here, then lock the door on my way out." The thunder boomed behind her, and she squirmed closer to him, burying her face against his chest. This time, it was Joe who trembled. Sharon mumbled into his shirt. "I don’t want to be alone, Joe, not during a storm." She couldn’t bear the thought of him leaving now. He held her close and spoke in a ragged whisper, "Go on to bed. I’ll stay until it’s over. Caddy will keep me company." She pulled away and stared into his warm, dark eyes. "Thank you, Joe. You’re very special, you know that?" She stood on her toes and kissed his firm lips lightly. Then, wriggling out of his embrace, she ran up the stairs, leaving him behind. Sharon slipped into a thin, cotton nightgown as she’d already showered earlier. She stared into the mirror over the dresser, trying to see herself as Joe might. She’d never know for sure why Tom had gone astray, but she was glad she’d loved him without reservation. There was no reason for her to feel any guilt on that score. With the reassuring clatter of Joe’s presence in the house, Sharon crawled into bed and soon fell into a restless sleep. ***

After Joe had cleaned the kitchen, he flipped on the TV at a low volume and stared unseeingly at the moving figures on the screen. He hadn’t known it was possible to love someone like this. He felt the need for Sharon in every cell of his body. How long was he going to keep torturing himself by being near her? When had he completely stopped thinking like an angel? Should he relinquish his position to another guardian? Joseph had asked himself the same question over and over, with the same result. He couldn’t do it. He was puzzled, though. There was something troubling her before they’d gone to the restaurant, something that had hurt her badly. He supposed he’d never know what it was. He couldn’t read her thoughts anymore. Joe glanced toward the stairs, using every ounce of his willpower to stop himself from climbing them. Forbidden thoughts, he told himself. Something wet tickled his hand. Caddy nudged him as if he knew the turmoil going on inside Joe. "Good old boy," he said, stroking the thick red and white fur. "She can’t forget me as long as she has you, can she?" Deep down, he knew the rules about forgetfulness once he was gone. She would forget him, completely. Caddy lifted a heavy paw, tapping at Joe’s leg for a shake. Joe obliged, then hugged the big-hearted animal. "If only a woman had as much devotion in her as a dog," he mused, but knew deep down that the woman he wanted had loved another man faithfully and completely. He envied Tom Quinn for the years he’d had with Sharon, experiencing a tug of dislike for the man he’d never known. He’d look him up when he returned to the spirit world and make his peace with Sharon’s husband. Joe peered over his shoulder at the torrent outside. It would be awhile before the storm abated. He leaned back against the sofa as the St. Bernard settled at his feet. *** It was happening again. Flames danced around them, threatening to engulf her sons. An explosion ripped through the air, and Sharon sat up, screaming. The sound of footsteps pounding up the stairs magnified her terror. There were lights and noise all around. The door flung open, and an obscure figure towered over her, outlined by a glow from the hallway. She gaped at the intruder, her vocal chords refusing to function. "Sharon, it’s me, Joe." As he approached slowly, the hall light traveled with him, faintly illuminating the room. The nightmare receded, and Sharon blinked to clear her vision of the horrible scenes her sleep had evoked. Joe. He was here. She held out her arms when he sat down on the bed beside her. "Hold me, Joe. It was awful…and then the thunder…" He folded her into his embrace as he stroked her hair. His low voice soothed her fear. "It’s okay, honey, I’m here now." He spoke as though to a frightened child, and Sharon clung to him, trying to absorb his

warm strength. She shuddered as the storm outside built in intensity the way a symphonic orchestra advances to the finale. At first Joe only held her, then his hands began to caress. Sharon held her breath as his masculine fingers stirred sensations long subdued. She didn’t want him to stop, but had to protest, "Joe…" "Sharon, please." There was a husky longing in his voice that made her lift her head. When the lightning flared again, they gazed at one another for a long, electric moment. Sharon watched, fascinated, as Joe’s mouth descended to meet hers with a gentle sweetness. Her eyes opened wide, then closed. His lips were no longer gentle, but began a sensuous exploration, robbing her of conscious thought. The kiss deepened until they broke apart, thirsty for air. Sharon couldn’t bear the brief separation. His breath was hot on her face, fanning the desire she’d fought for so long. An inner alarm sounded, but it was too late to deny the emotions he summoned forth. She pulled his head down and kissed him with a hungry passion. Joe groaned deeply and held her so tightly she could scarcely breathe. "Please let me stay." His hoarse words spun their way into her heart. Sharon needed him badly, especially tonight. She needed to feel cherished and refused to think of anything but the tumult between them. He must’ve seen the answer in her eyes because he lifted her nightgown and pulled it over her head, drawing a sharp breath as his gaze drank in her soft curves. Joe slipped out of his own clothes as Sharon watched with undisguised desire when another lightning bolt lit up the world outside. She imagined they were alone in a jungle hut, protected by the savage elements that assaulted their enemies. When Joe eased between the sheets and their bodies touched, a dam burst, and the tide of their emotions could no longer be contained. Sharon cried out in a promise of surrender as any doubts she’d had tumbled into oblivion. She buried her face in the hot pulse of his neck. "Honey, I can’t believe how good you feel," he said as if in agony. They kissed again and again with the same raging intensity as the storm. The thunder created a backdrop to their lovemaking, and Sharon knew she’d never be afraid of storms again. Joe had been the calm refuge in the maelstrom of her grief since they’d first met, but there was nothing tranquil about him now. He stirred the fever within her as Tom never had. At the thought of Tom, she hesitated, but only for an instant. She wanted to forget her husband tonight, as he must have forgotten her on other nights. Much later, Joe lay beside her, one arm under her head and the other draped across her hips. She nestled close to him, smiling contentedly. The wonder of their union filled her with awe. Something beautiful and sacred had occurred. There was an occasional flash of light now as the tempestuous weather moved on. Sharon felt Joe’s lips brush her forehead just before she fell asleep.

*** As Sharon slept, Joseph tried several times to think himself into Serena’s presence, but failed. Was she upset with him over what had happened? He’d always known her to be unflappable. Regardless, he had to talk to her. Suddenly, a flash of light, and he was standing before her. Joseph was silent as Serena closed her eyes and read his thoughts. He’d make no excuses, but take whatever punishment she demanded. Finally, she spoke. "Remember when I told you there would be dire consequences if you fell in love?" "I remember." Joseph swallowed noisily. "She’s not to blame," he said in Sharon’s defense. He thought he saw a faint smile on Serena’s lips. "When you make love to a mortal, you begin to lose your powers immediately. That’s why you couldn’t transport your consciousness into my presence." "You mean…" "Yes, I summoned you when I felt your anxiety." She paused, studying him with understanding eyes. "The process of becoming a mortal has begun, Joseph. Be sure of what you want. You’ll have one last chance to return to the guardian status, or you must live out a normal life span on earth." Joseph knew he should feel dismay at the prospect of becoming a full-fledged human being, but an unspeakable joy began to grow inside. He could barely contain his excitement, but asked in a subdued tone, "Are you disappointed in me, Serena?" "Old friend, you’ve never been a disappointment, only very interesting." "I can’t believe this is happening… I didn’t know it was possible." "Anything’s possible, Joseph." "I know, but…what if…" "Human beings have to deal with ‘what ifs’ every day. Are you up to the task?" "I’ll do anything to be with her, Serena. Anything." "Well said." A worried wrinkle appeared over her brow. "You just have a little time, Joseph. When the process is complete, there’s no turning back. I don’t know if we’ll see each other again." "Will I remember?" She shook her head as the glistening diamond of a tear appeared. "Not when it’s finished." "Thank you," he said simply, unable to speak the fullness of his heart. Just before he was whisked away, he thought he heard her say, "It was simply a matter of destiny, my friend." What did she mean by that? *** The next morning, sunbeams streamed through the bedroom window, nudging Sharon awake. The sun’s

warmth felt good on her face. Stretching her arms above her head, she was startled to discover she was naked. The memory of the night before hit her full force. The date with Joe…the storm…pleading with him to stay, then sometime during the night… Embarrassment flooded through her. What had she done? She glanced around the room. She was alone, but the dent in the extra pillow proved she hadn’t been. Sharon pulled the covers up tightly. How could she? She couldn’t honestly deny that last night she’d wanted Joe as much as he’d wanted her, but the light of day cast a glaring judgment on her actions. What had made her respond with such abandon, and what must he think of her? She’d never given herself to anyone but Tom. Sharon covered her face with her hands. Just last week, she’d assured David she’d done nothing to shame him. She couldn’t say the same now. In self-defense, Sharon remembered the letter. Was it just yesterday that it had arrived? What a shock knowing Tom had betrayed her. She’d needed to feel loved, if only for a little while, and Joe was there, like a port in the storm. But that was no excuse for her wanton behavior. She flushed hotly, reliving his touch. At least Joe was gone, and she wouldn’t have to face him yet. She didn’t know what she’d do when that moment came. She got out of bed and washed quickly, then dressed in jeans and a black sweater. Her mood was somber, and she chose the colors accordingly. There were dark circles under her eyes, and her hair was wildly askew, just like the morning of Tom’s funeral. Sharon stared at herself, seeing a stranger. Someone she didn’t know had made love to Joe. Her thoughts shifted to her neighbors. Celia Moran was sure to have noticed Joe’s car parked out front all night. She’d spread the news all over town in a matter of days, if not hours. What if the boys found out? As Sharon brushed her hair, savagely tugging at the roots, she blushed again as she thought of the night before. It was her fault. She’d begged him to stay; he’d only accepted what was offered. She’d have to forget the pleasure Joe had given her, pausing with the brush in mid-air. She’d never forget as long as she lived. As she slowly descended the stairs, Sharon heard the rattle of pots and pans, then Joe’s cheerful whistling. He was still here! What would she say? Maybe if she stayed upstairs, he’d go away. No, she thought dismally, it would be better to face him now, before time made it even more difficult. When she stepped into the kitchen, Joe was at the stove, turning over what appeared to be hash browns. Coffee perked, and a pitcher of orange juice sat on the table. Sharon had never seen him look so happy. Her stomach churned as she watched him. He apparently sensed her presence because he turned toward her with a wide grin. "Morning, sweetheart. Sit down. Breakfast’ll be ready in a minute." He pulled out a chair for her. Sharon stood still, staring at him blankly. Why did he have to look so appealing? His hair was damp; he must’ve just stepped out of the shower. "Joe, you shouldn’t be here." His smile drooped a little, but he seemed not to understand. "Come on, what’re you waiting for? I have enough food here for four or five people. Aren’t you hungry?"

"Joe." This time, he faced her squarely, his gaze intent. Despite the pain and embarrassment she felt, Sharon had to go on. "You have to leave. Things got out of hand last night. I shouldn’t have let it happen." Sharon was torn between wanting him out of the house and needing to run into the safety of his arms. She saw instantly that she’d killed the light in his eyes. Joe no longer tried to smile, his face devoid of emotion. "Don’t do this, Sharon, not after last night." His voice sounded hollow and flat. Sharon felt hot at the allusion to what had happened between them. He wasn’t listening. Didn’t he realize this wasn’t a casual, everyday occurrence for her? "Joe, please go," she begged. Suddenly, he threw the spatula into the sink with a loud clatter and started toward her. The look in his eyes alarmed Sharon, but she didn’t dare move. His hands gripped her shoulders so tightly she gasped with pain. "I was a substitute, wasn’t I? You wanted me to stay so you could pretend I was your beloved husband. Well, I’m through playing your games. I won’t bother you again." Sharon began to shake, and Joe released her abruptly, pushing by her. The front door slammed, and a few minutes later, she heard him drive away. She couldn’t stop trembling. She stumbled over to the table and sank into the nearest chair. Slowly, she lowered her head onto her arms. Was he right? Had she used him as a substitute? The memory of his caress filled her with longing. No, she’d thought of no one else when Joe held her in his arms. But he must’ve believed she wanted an affair and must hate her now. She didn’t blame him. "Oh Joe," she sobbed, "why did I let this happen?" She’d taken a good friend and turned him into an enemy. He’d leave Hollow Bend soon, then maybe they could both get over the hurt. But Sharon wondered if she’d ever feel happy again. That’s when she smelled the hash browns burning on the stove.

CHAPTER 9 Sharon put away the meal Joe had prepared as silent tears rolled down her face. If she’d felt alone before, it was nothing compared to the way she felt now. Maybe it would be better when the boys came home, but wouldn’t they be able to tell the breath had been knocked out of her? At least, that’s how it seemed to her. She forced herself to go back upstairs and change the sheets on the bed they’d shared, though the chore didn’t help her to deny what had happened there. For a long moment, she buried her nose in the soft folds of the fabric to recapture the cherished feelings of last night. If only… Sharon was afraid to finish that thought. She shouldn’t have become involved with another man. Besides, Joe had made no promises and uttered no words of love.

So why had it been so wonderful between them? She carried the bedding down to the washing machine and turned the dial to hot, admitting it would take more than laundry soap to wash the memory from her mind. She’d been so ready to be loved. The shame of it washed over her again. Sharon hoped for the tenth time that Celia hadn’t seen Joe’s car. She realized it wasn’t the gossip she minded as much as having something so private made public. She cleaned compulsively that day, anything to stay busy and to keep the visions of their passion from tormenting her, but what haunted her most was the anguish in Joe’s eyes. He must care for her, mustn’t he? At least, he had. How could she face him at school? She had to keep the job, even if it did mean running into him. She’d worry about that later. Sharon picked up her sons at the Greyhound station about five o’clock that evening. She could see by the glow on their faces that they’d had a good time, though they couldn’t wait to see Caddy. They were too busy playing with the dog and telling her about their weekend to notice how quiet she was. "You’ll have to come next time," David said. She shot him a wry grimace. "I intend to, David, I intend to." *** Sharon was nervous about going to work the next morning, but Esther soon had her so busy she didn’t have time to think. It wasn’t until the lunch hour was nearly over that she saw Joe. He didn’t even glance at her, but smiled warmly at his companion, Susan, the secretary. Sharon knew the other two were friends, but the sight of them together tore her composure to shreds. The woman only had eyes for Joe, as she laughed at something he said. Joe looked ruggedly handsome with his dark hair curling over his collar, and she remembered the vibrant texture when she’d run her fingers through it. Susan… Was that the name Joe had whispered before kissing her at the 4-H Dance? Esther interrupted Sharon’s thread of thought. "How about restarting the coffee pot, dear. We’ll need some for the stragglers." Sharon moved toward the twenty-cup pot as if in a daze. A few minutes later, Esther asked, "Sharon, what are you doing?" Sharon looked around at her boss, bewildered. "What?" Esther pointed to the measuring cup in Sharon’s hand, and she glanced down. She’d piled the coffee into the sink instead of the pot. "Oh no. I’m sorry, Esther." "It’s all right, child. Just come back to the present. The sink’s clean. Scoop the coffee into the pot. It’ll be fine."

Sharon did as instructed, trying to keep her mind on her job. Did Esther realize why she was so flustered? She hoped not. Turning slowly, she saw Joe and Susan leaving the cafeteria. They had their cups with them. Sharon felt relieved and desolate at the same time. *** As Joe walked Susan back to her office, he tried to listen to what she said. "And then, Mr. Basil asked me to type them all over again!" He nodded in sympathy, his thoughts with Sharon. He’d been ready to tell her what he’d given up for her, thinking she’d be thrilled. She hadn’t even given him a chance. He’d never felt this awful confusion and loneliness before. Joe couldn’t help but feel entrapped by his human body and knew his options would soon be gone forever. He had to make up his mind. What if Sharon never returned his feelings? He couldn’t imagine living out a normal life span as a man without her in his life. He’d definitely miscalculated this latest turn of events. Shouldn’t he have foreseen that this might happen? Hadn’t he learned anything down through the centuries? He was still stunned by the memory of the look on her face that morning. Like he’d done an unspeakable thing to her. Susan waited for him to comment on her last sentence, he realized, and he tried to give her his attention. He’d definitely be more sympathetic to his students who had short attention spans. Who knew what they were going through inside? *** After that, Sharon caught glimpses of Joe with the other woman often, and each time, she threw herself into her work, or went the other way. The image of the couple haunted her sleep until dark shadows returned to underline her eyes. She stared into the mirror one morning and considered how rundown she looked. At least today was Saturday, and she wouldn’t have to run into ‘them’. Joe had made no attempt to contact her, and she knew all hope was gone. Even if he did, then what? She simply wasn’t prepared to carry on an affair in a small town with two teenagers in the house. She’d often catch Luke and David watching her with puzzlement and concern in their eyes, but they must never guess what was wrong. "Why hasn’t Joe been around lately?" Luke asked. "He must be real busy," she said vaguely. He’d never brought it up again. At least David had no further cause for complaint. He was so busy with Melanie these days, she wondered if he even noticed Joe no longer came around.

Sharon dressed in jeans, sweatshirt, and walking boots. April couldn’t be considered spring in northern Idaho, but there were chores she could start. David and Luke slept later than usual after a party the night before, so she slipped quietly out of the house. Sharon turned on the water to the outside faucets, checked the firewood supply, and decided upon a garden spot. As she stood near the back porch, Sharon drew in a deep breath, then stretched her arms high over her head. "Good morning, Sharon." She froze when she heard the familiar husky voice. Steadying herself, Sharon turned toward the approaching neighbor. "Good morning, Celia. What are you doing up so early?" Celia smiled with practiced insincerity. "Oh, you never know when you might miss something by sleeping late," the woman said with a knowing gleam in her eyes. Sharon clenched her fists. Was Celia trying to tell her she saw Joe leave the house that Saturday morning? She tried to ignore the veiled hint. "Yes, it looks like a lovely day." Celia’s eyes narrowed. "A perfect day for a picnic, don’t you think? At least that’s what Joe and Susan were planning in the office yesterday afternoon." Sharon felt a cold hand squeeze her heart. Celia watched her intently. She had to answer. "Yes, it’s a nice day for a picnic. Excuse me, Celia. I’ve got to feed those boys of mine." She hoped she sounded properly unconcerned about Joe’s plans. She stumbled inside and just made it to the downstairs bathroom before she became ill. She forgot about the rest of the chores; all she wanted to do was hide. Sharon was sure Celia knew, and soon, the whole town would, if they didn’t already. What a mess she’d made of everything. A seed of anger grew in her until Sharon felt as if she’d burst. If her husband had been faithful, she wouldn’t have received a letter from his girlfriend, and she wouldn’t have felt so vulnerable. Damn him. And the only person to bring laughter to their lives since they’d lost Tom was out of reach. She sat down at the kitchen table and stared at her hands. "Mom?" Sharon lifted her gaze to her dark-haired son. "Yes, David?" He looked worried, so she tried to smile. "Are you all right?" "I’m fine, son." A lock of hair fell onto his forehead, just like Joe’s… Stop thinking about him, she told herself. Joe wasn’t coming back. Sharon stood abruptly, an idea coming to her. "Say, why don’t the three of us drive into Canada today? Like we used to… It’s been months since we’ve gone." In fact, the last time had been with Tom. David didn’t reply immediately, and his forehead creased into a frown. Sharon hastened to smooth the awkward moment. "You and Luke probably already have plans, don’t

you?" "Well, I promised Melanie we’d go for a drive or something… You could go with us." Sharon knew he didn’t want to hurt her feelings, and it was nice of him to offer, but he needed to be with kids his own age. Besides, she was glad he and Melanie were seeing one another again. "Thanks anyway, David, but I should get busy on the flower bed before spring really arrives. What are Luke’s plans?" At the mention of his name, Luke appeared in the doorway. "What did I do now?" Sharon laughed, then explained. "I was just wondering what you were doing today." "Joe’s taking a group of kids to Sandpoint for a baseball game, then out for pizza. Didn’t I tell you?" Sharon’s chest hurt, and she had to focus on breathing. "No, you must’ve forgotten, but I guess it’s okay." She turned away before he saw her disappointment. Maybe Celia had mentioned a picnic just to torment her; she allowed herself to hope for an instant. Maybe Joe was taking the kids and not Susan. Luke moved closer. "Mom, aren’t you and Joe friends anymore?" He put his arm around her, and Sharon had a difficult time getting the words out. Her voice was low. "We’re friends, Luke, at least I hope so, but there are some things we didn’t agree on. We decided not to argue about them." What a dumb explanation, she thought, but she didn’t know what else to tell him. David stared at her left hand during the conversation with Luke. When she realized the direction of his gaze, she self-consciously covered her ring-less finger. "You’re not wearing your wedding rings," he said in a quiet tone. Sharon spoke calmly. "I lost so much weight, they kept slipping off." Why hadn’t she told him the truth? It was time to get on with her life, and the boys would have to understand. With a start, she realized that was the first time she’d really believed that she had a right to go on. Sharon knew she’d never tell them about their father’s infidelity. They deserved to keep their untarnished memories. She made sure she was busy upstairs when Joe came for Luke. She called down when her son yelled goodbye. Joe didn’t come to the door, and Sharon couldn’t resist a peek out her bedroom window to see if Susan was in the car. She wasn’t. Sharon let the curtain fall, wondering if Joe had seen her. Maybe he was going to pick up Susan last, before they headed for Sandpoint. None of your business, she told herself firmly.

As it turned out, David and Luke’s plans kept them busy all day. Sharon pulled weeds for several hours until her body ached. Paula dropped by to say hello, giving Sharon an excuse to halt the backbreaking work. "How’s everything?" Sharon asked, rubbing her dirt-stained hands together. "Better each day," Paula replied, then amended her answer. "Of course, there are times I still have to coax Ty into communicating with me, but he’s learning." She smiled. "And I love my new job at the bookstore." "What about his parents?" "We should have enough money saved to fly them over next Christmas. We’re all so excited." "That’s great," Sharon said, happy for her friends. Paula left after a few minutes, and Sharon went back to digging in the soil until she’d had enough. After a good long soak in the deep tub, there were still a couple hours of daylight left, and it became apparent she’d spend them alone. Sharon glanced at the clock. She hadn’t been running lately; a long walk with Caddy would be good exercise. She dressed in dark blue slacks and a plaid blouse, then pulled on a thick blue sweater. As Sharon brushed her hair, she couldn’t help but think about the years ahead and how she’d handle them. She had to admit she didn’t like being a single parent. How did other women fare so well? Sharon threw the brush on the bed and bent down to pull on her shoes. A few minutes later, she and Caddy headed toward the river. Sharon didn’t know why she called it "walking the dog" when she could barely keep up with him. "Hey, you big moose, wait up!" She tugged on the leash, but Caddy kept plodding along, pulling her behind him. As they "strolled," Sharon remembered running into Joe here for the first time. The quiet flow of the river was like her own life, with the turbulence beneath the surface. Did anyone realize what her family was suffering? Of course, they did. Many people had suffered before her, and many would after. This was a fact of life, Sharon admitted, as she maneuvered Caddy toward home. She hadn’t expected to run into Myrt Smallwood, but smiled broadly when she spotted the older woman. Myrt also walked her dog, but hers was one-tenth the size of Caddy. Sharon wound the leash around her wrist to get a better grip. Caddy stopped still and watched the approach of the tiny animal. Then he began to back into her. "Caddy, what’s wrong with you?" Sharon laughed. As she’d always said, what a watchdog! Myrt noticed the St. Bernard was wary of the terrier and chuckled, "That’s why I call her ‘Ferocious.’ I’ ll go the other way so Caddy won’t get too nervous." "You’re a lifesaver, Myrt," Sharon called, shaking her head.

Later, Sharon was glad she’d gone. The walk had given her strength to keep a smile on her face as Luke told her all about his day with Joe and Susan. Sharon couldn’t believe how much the knowledge hurt. David hadn’t returned from his date with Melanie, so Sharon had nothing to distract her from Luke’s ramblings. "Joe said this…" and "Susan did that…" She thought she’d scream any minute if he didn’t change the subject. Why hadn’t she gone to bed before he came home? Because, she admitted, she’d hoped for a glimpse of Joe. As it was, she’d been in the kitchen and hadn’t heard the car. She smiled at her younger son and said with sincerity, "I’m glad you had a nice day, hon. Don’t you think you’d better take your shower and turn in?" She touched his shoulder briefly. "I know I’m pretty tired after weeding all day." "Naw, I think I’ll watch TV for awhile, if you don’t mind." She kissed his cheek, then watched as he headed for the kitchen. Sometimes, she felt that her sons didn’t really need her anymore. Her head told her that wasn’t true, but her heart… She climbed the stairs slowly, each step seeming like two. The deep loneliness became harder to take instead of easier. Would it never end? Several days later, Sharon was late getting off work because Delores had been home sick. "See you tomorrow," she called to Esther. "You bet, and thanks for staying." Sharon gathered up her things and hurried out to the parking lot. She had some errands to run before going home. While fumbling with her car keys, she heard Joe’s rich laughter behind her. Her stomach clenched, and she held her breath. Then she heard Susan’s answering giggle. That forced her to move again, but she dropped the keys. "I’ll get them," Joe said. He knelt beside her, his hand covering hers. He looked right at her for the first time in weeks. Mutely, Sharon waited as he opened the door. When he handed them back, she wanted to hold onto him, talk to him, but Susan watched them. The other woman stared at her with an unpleasant expression, her eyes narrowed into slits. She doesn’t act like she’s brimming with confidence, Sharon thought. That makes two of us. "Thanks, Joe." It hurt to say his name. She stared at the hands that had caressed her so tenderly, growing warm with the memories. Did he remember, too? "Anytime," he replied in a low, husky voice for her alone. She studied him then and was puzzled by the fathomless look in his dark gaze. He searched her face intently, and she wondered why. Susan’s voice shattered the moment. "Joe, let’s go. I’m hungry."

The couple moved away, and Sharon knew she’d really lost him. *** Susan had to nudge Joe several times during dinner as his thoughts returned constantly to Sharon. He’d managed to avoid being near her until today. Did she miss him at all? Did she lie awake as he did and wonder how things could have turned out differently? "Joe, you’re not listening again," his companion said in a petulant tone. He smiled, though he didn’t feel like it. "Sorry, Susan, I’m lousy company tonight." "It’s the Quinn woman, isn’t it?" Joe stared at her, wondering why he’d asked her out. "I don’t know what you mean." The steel in his words should have warned his date to drop the subject. "Everybody knows you were over there quite a bit, and her husband hasn’t even been dead a year…" "That’s enough. I don’t want to hear any more." Joe pushed the chair back and stood, scarcely waiting for Susan to scramble to her feet before he turned to leave. He drove her home in silence, berating himself for having no control when Sharon’s name was mentioned. He should have acted like she meant nothing to him. Damn the small town gossips who made everything seem sordid. His love for Sharon shouldn’t be bandied about at the Ladies’ Aid Society or the local bar, or even at school, but she’d known how people would talk and hadn’t wanted any part of it. After all, this was where she belonged. He was an outsider and soon, he’d be gone. Maybe then, he’d find the peace that eluded him now. It struck him at that moment that he’d decided to leave, if he still had a choice. What if his body had already made the complete transformation? What would he do then? As Joe parked and walked Susan to the door, he wondered if he’d ever be free of Sharon Quinn, no matter how far away he traveled in time and distance. *** The next few weeks blended into monotonous routine. Sharon had never worked harder, and it was no wonder she came home exhausted each night. Esther mentioned it to her. "Don’t you think you’d better slow down a little? You’re only supposed to be a part-timer, you know, yet you work as if there’s no tomorrow." "I guess I just felt I needed to keep busy," Sharon explained. Esther folded her arms. "I’m worried about your health. You look so peaked lately." Sharon knew what Esther meant. She seemed to drag herself through each day and couldn’t wait to fall into bed at night. There was little time or energy left for the boys. She felt badly about that, but at least this schedule didn’t allow her any time to think. "I’ll try to get more rest," Sharon promised Esther.

Luke was well into basketball season and was either practicing or playing in a game. David worked at the mill after school and spent his spare time with Melanie. Sharon didn’t mind. Melanie was a sweet girl, and David finally seemed to be coming out of his shell. Sharon couldn’t help but wonder if part of his adjustment was the fact that she was no longer seeing Joe. David had been so disturbed by the relationship. Well, it hadn’t made her happy, either, at least in the end. She refused to think about the other times, or tried not to. She’d often find herself sitting on the front porch with Caddy, stroking his thick white and red fur. The big canine studied her with love in his big brown eyes as she murmured softly, telling him anything that popped into her mind. "Why couldn’t men be like dogs," she asked Caddy, "and just sit by your feet and gaze adoringly?" Even the dog reminded her of Joe and what he’d given them. He’d shown her she could laugh again. He’d defended her against gossips and picked her up when she’d fallen into the abyss of grief. He’d even reached out to her sons…and her friends. Sharon brought herself up with a start. She wasn’t going to think about him anymore. It only made her miserable. "No more secrets, Caddy, you’re too good a listener." *** Sharon hadn’t seen much of Paula lately, so one weekend she decided to have lunch with her. "Sounds great," Paula said. "It’s been so long since we’ve had a chance to do anything together." They drove into Sandpoint to a place famous for its salad bar. Sharon hadn’t felt very hungry for weeks, but salad sounded good as they both filled their plates. They found a cozy corner where they could talk. She could tell Paula was bursting to tell her something. "All right, out with it," she urged. "What’s on your mind?" Paula leaned forward, with the conflicting gleam of excitement and anxiety in her eyes. "I don’t know how you’ll take this, but I hope you’ll be happy for us." A feeling of dismay descended upon Sharon as she listened to her friend’s news. "Joe offered to help Ty find a new job, maybe even in California. Ty is so excited, he seems like a new person. I’ll get a full-time job, and we might be able to persuade Ty’s parents to stay." Sharon was shaken by the news. "You and Ty have seen Joe?" She thought back over the weeks, recalling how busy the Banners had been with counseling sessions, Paula’s part-time job, and then, Marriage Encounter. She and Paula kept in touch through phone calls and occasional quick visits, so when had they found time to spend with Joe? Paula set her fork down. "Sharon, what’s wrong between you and Joe? We were hoping…" Sharon smiled sadly. "Don’t, Paula. We aren’t even speaking." "But why? What happened?" She propped her elbows on the table. Sharon glanced away for a moment, wondering what to disclose to her friend. They’d always confided

their deepest secrets, but this was different, just as the letter had been. She decided to keep it simple. "We had an argument." Paula waited for more, but when it didn’t come, she asked again, "Why? You were getting along so well." "What does it matter? There’s nothing I can do about it." Sharon wasn’t hungry anymore, but forced herself to keep eating. "Is it because of Susan? He seems to be with her a lot." Even Paula knew Joe was seeing that woman. They must be quite an item. "It didn’t have anything to do with Susan. What it boils down to is Tom, mostly. It’s not easy getting over someone you’ve lived with for seventeen years." Paula started to say something, then apparently changed her mind. She picked up her fork and dug into her lunch. Sharon was more disturbed than she let on. Joe had been seeing Ty and Paula, and they all might be going to California together. She felt left out. But whose fault was that? What had begun as a vague uneasy feeling grew into nausea. She made it to the restroom just in time. Sharon was in a daze on the way home from Sandpoint, relieved that Paula was doing the driving. The scenery passed in a blur, and nothing registered as a distinct object. "Feeling better?" Paula’s question, full of concern, penetrated the haze surrounding Sharon. "What?" Then she realized what Paula had said. "Oh, yes, much better, thank you. I’m sorry I spoiled our lunch together." "Don’t worry about that. You’ve lost so much weight," Paula went on. "I think you should see a doctor." "I’m fine, really." She glanced over at Paula. "I’ve always envied you and your petite size, anyway." Paula sighed. "That’s the way of things, isn’t it? We usually want what we don’t have. Ever since I realized I was full-grown, I’ve wished I was taller." She glanced at Sharon. "You know, if we do move, you and the boys can visit anytime." Sharon grimaced and stretched in her seat. "We will," she assured her friend, though that might mean she’ d run into Joe. "I didn’t mean to throw cold water on your plans, Paula. It’s just that it was such a surprise. If you and Ty are happy, that’s what counts." She turned sideways. "When will you know?" Paula pursed her lips as she turned a corner. "Joe said he’d be hearing from his contacts soon. Then he’d set up Ty with an interview." Every time Paula mentioned Joe, Sharon’s stomach tightened. She had to show some interest in Paula’s plans, instead of thinking entirely of herself. "Let me know what you find out," she said. "We’ll celebrate the good news when it comes." They entered Hollow Bend. The small town had always represented home to Sharon. Now it was a trap.

She felt like a tigress in a cage, forever pacing and restless. If Joe and the Banners all left, Hollow Bend would be an empty place. *** Joseph was getting himself in deep, with all his promises to the Banners. He supposed he could help Ty get work before he returned to his guardian status, then they’d forget him and get on with their lives. What a tangled web we weave, he thought wryly. Maybe it was better this way, to leave earth once again. He wasn’t sure he had the knack for living out a human life. His gut twisted then, as it often did, when he thought of never seeing Sharon again as a man. How he loved her and wanted her.

CHAPTER 10 That afternoon, Sharon moved back into the master bedroom. It was time, and it seemed symbolic, somehow. She was finally and completely taking control of her life, even beginning to think about new goals and how to attain them. She’d mulled over the possibility of going back to school to study for a new career. Sharon knew Joe was largely responsible for her ability to think into the future without being afraid. She had to admit Joe had even made it possible for her to say goodbye to Tom, without any remnant anger, but as a simple parting of the ways between loved ones, a letting go. As if to prove to herself she could handle it, Sharon pulled the photo albums from the treasure chest and turned the pages slowly. Only now, there was a gentle sadness mixed with the warm memories, rather than the wrenching bitterness. When had the bitterness dissolved? When had she begun to realize Tom was human, capable of weakness, even though he’d loved his family? Wasn’t she, too, terribly attracted to someone else while still loving Tom? "I wonder if you’d like Joe," she whispered to the image of her husband. Her deep sense of grief and guilt over her own conflicting emotions had destroyed what she might have had with Joe. If only she’d worked at it, given him a chance. If only… Her stomach churned, and Sharon felt nauseated again. She rushed to the bathroom, but there was nothing left in her stomach. "What’s wrong with me?" she said aloud, then she washed her face and brushed her teeth. Did she have the flu? It didn’t seem like it since she was only intermittently miserable. The other times she’d felt this way were… Her eyes widened as she stared into the vanity mirror, the overhead lights emphasizing her sallow skin and sunken cheeks. "Oh my God." She completed the sentence, dreading each word…when she was pregnant with David and Luke. No, it couldn’t be, not after one time. Don’t be stupid, Sharon, that’s all it takes. She pressed her fingers against her temples as her head pounded painfully.

The phone next to the bed rang, and Sharon moved toward it, rejecting her suspicions. Since Tom’s accident, icy fingers gripped her spine whenever someone called while both boys were out. Luke was at practice and David was working. "Sharon, it’s Joe." He was the last person she expected to hear from and was momentarily speechless. "Sharon?" "Yes?" The sound of his voice did funny things to her insides. "First, let me assure you that everything’s fine, but you might want to be here." Sharon frowned. "What are you talking about?" What a strange conversation. "Luke and I are at the hospital, but it’s nothing serious." Sharon gripped the phone tighter, her knuckles turning white. "What happened? What’s wrong?" "Sharon, please, don’t worry. He sprained his arm in practice, but the doctor wanted to take x-rays, just in case." He paused, but she didn’t say anything. "We have your permission slip for any emergency treatment, but I wanted to check with you anyway." Sharon thought quickly. "Please tell them to go ahead with the x-rays, and I’ll be right there." Before he could answer, she hung up. The drive seemed to take forever, but it was actually only minutes before she stood in front of the Information Desk. The young woman behind the counter told her, "Your son is getting his x-rays. The waiting room is across from radiology." Sharon thanked her and hurried down the hall. When she pushed open the door to the waiting room, she saw Joe pacing. He turned when she came in. He wore jeans and an open-neck blue shirt, but it was his eyes that held her. She drank in his appearance as if she were dying of thirst and he owned the well. Joe moved over to Sharon and studied her as one would a priceless work of art. "Are you all right?" His words were low and caressing and sent shivers down her spine. "Luke?" she questioned. As happy as she was that Joe was speaking to her, she had to know about her son first. "Should be done in a little while, depending upon how many patients are waiting. Want to sit down?" She nodded and found a chair, then lifted her gaze to his. "Thank you for bringing him." "What’re friends for?" he asked quietly. Sharon thought about his dark eyes, his voice, the way his hair curled onto his forehead, and a measure of hope loosened the knot of tension in her stomach. Did he mean it? Could they be friends again? The door opened and David walked in, hesitating only slightly when he saw Joe, but Sharon noticed.

David nodded to the older man, but spoke to his mother. "Mom, I read your note. What’s wrong?" "Your brother hurt his arm during practice," she explained. "He’s in x-ray now." As she spoke, in came Luke, followed by a man in white. Luke had a big grin on his face, which helped to reassure Sharon. "Mom, you should have seen the rebound I made. Then Jimmy Banks slammed me to the floor." By his expression, one would think it had been an honor. Sharon hugged him, careful not to hurt his injured arm, which was in a sling. Her prayers of gratitude winged upward. "He’ll be fine, Mr. and Mrs. Quinn," the doctor said. "No broken bones." Sharon’s face grew warm as she glanced at Joe. His expression was unreadable. She turned back to the doctor, deciding not to make an issue of his assumption. "How long before he can use it?" The doctor scratched his chin. "He should wear the sling for two weeks, taking it off only when he showers or sleeps. Then I’ll need to see him again." "Thank you, doctor. He’ll do exactly as you say." Her tone of voice informed Luke she meant it. When the doctor left, Joe turned to her sons as he held Sharon’s arm to detain her. "Luke, if you feel all right, would you mind riding home with David? I want to talk to your mother." Luke looked pleased and said, "Sure, take your time." He gave Sharon a kiss before following his solemn brother out the door. Sharon started to voice a weak protest, but Joe’s grim expression stopped her. "He’ll be fine. I need to talk to you." His words made her feel dizzy with anticipation. Joe took her arm and lead the way out to the parking lot. Sharon savored his touch, wishing he’d never let go. She was surprised how swiftly night had fallen. After seeing her settled in the passenger seat, Joe went around and slid in. Sharon held her hands in her lap. It seemed so strange, being with Joe again that she couldn’t think straight. Her pulse raced as she wondered what to say. She was afraid of what he might say. Joe didn’t glance her way, but started the car, then pulled out of the lot. The dash lights allowed her to study his strong profile, and a rush of longing welled up inside. He slowed near the river and parked on one of the wooded trails. She remembered it as the place where they’d first collided. When he turned off the lights, only the sliver of moonlight that sliced through the clouds relieved the pitch blackness. Sharon stared straight ahead, her every nerve ending signaling his nearness, his spicy aftershave, even his warmth. "Sharon, look at me." He reached over and turned her face toward his. With a muttered oath, he pulled her close and covered her lips with his.

She melted as he drew her into his arms. All the weeks of loneliness swept into her response. Sharon’s hand crept around his neck, and she stroked the coarse texture of his hair. Joe caressed her back and her hips as a deep moan escaped his lips, sounding more like pain than pleasure. Then, slowly, he pulled away. "I’m sorry, Sharon, I didn’t mean to do that. I can’t seem to forget…" He stopped abruptly and gently touched her cheek. Sharon shivered, even though spring had warmed the evening air. She wished he would tell her exactly how he felt. She had no idea. "What do you want, Joe?" He went on, "I hope we can be friends again." He smiled sadly. "Avoiding each other at school, and you hiding when I bring Luke home, is silly. When I leave in June, I don’t want it to be like that between us." Her mind raced ahead. She heard only part of what he was saying, the hidden meaning…sorry he’d kissed her…let’s be friends… She realized she wanted something more, was ready for something more. But Joe wasn’t. Oh God, she thought. What have I done? He wanted to tie up loose ends, forget any bad feelings. She couldn’t tell him how she felt, and especially not about her suspicions of pregnancy. She could only pray that her fears were unfounded. She managed to answer. "Yes, Joe, we can be friends." Her voice was flat. It wouldn’t be an easy part to play, but that’s what she’d asked for, wasn’t it? She didn’t deserve anything more. Sharon searched her mind frantically for a way to convince him she wanted to start over, but the words eluded her. What a fool she’d been. When the silence lengthened, he started the car with a frustrated jerk, then arrived at her place within minutes. The house was dark, except for the porch light, which meant they’d beaten the boys home. Sharon couldn’t bear to be alone with Joe any longer. She was afraid she’d scream out her frustrations, or beg for his forgiveness. She had to get away before she made a fool of herself. "Good night, Joe, and thanks again," she said, letting herself out of the car and walking swiftly up the path without a backward glance. Coward, she told herself angrily. *** As Joe drove to his apartment, his thoughts raged as they had the night of the storm, the night he’d held Sharon and was sure she was finally his. How wrong he was. The last weeks without her had been the lowest point in his memory. He’d never felt so helpless, especially when he was used to making miracles happen. But he’d acted as honorably as possible, leaving her alone. Seeing her again had thrown his good intentions out the window. He had meant to renew their friendship, not grab at her like a love-starved adolescent. Again, he was struck by the awful fact that he’d have difficulty in either role he chose, man or angel. He was positive she was still grief-stricken over her husband. He pulled into his parking space, anticipating another lonely evening ahead. Maybe he still had the ability to contact some of his guardian friends. That thought gave him a little hope.

Joseph was desperate for hope. *** David and Luke had stopped for pizza and carried the steaming box into the house. It was obvious Luke was using his injury to gain sympathy and favors from his brother. The aroma of sausage and cheese made Sharon feel queasy, but she wanted to sit with the boys. Handing them each a paper plate, they dug into the hot slices. Sharon glanced at Luke, who filled his plate. "Does your arm hurt, hon?" "A little," he said between bites. She smiled. "Sure didn’t hurt your appetite." Luke shot her an innocent look and asked, "What did Joe want to talk about?" Sharon’s brain stumbled over the answer. "Did you know he’s leaving in June?" David’s head came up, and he stared at her, frowning. "Why?" Sharon wondered if he was sorry for the way he’d behaved. "He only signed a one-year contract, but now he’s decided to go back to California." The ache began, just thinking about it. Luke didn’t seem surprised, so he must have known all along. "Didn’t you try and talk him out of it?" Sharon concentrated on selecting a piece of pizza, though she had no intention of eating it. "Joe makes his own plans. It’s none of my business." Luke persisted. "I bet he’d stay if you asked him to." Sharon blinked and shook her head. "What does it have to do with me?" She stood and left the room. "What’s the matter with her?" he said as the door closed. Sharon climbed the stairs and laid down on her bed, alone with her thoughts. The men in her life paraded through her mind… Tom, Joe, her sons… Each had taken a part of her, until she wondered who she really was. If Joe had wanted more than friendship tonight, Sharon would have given freely of herself. Why had he kissed her like that, as if he couldn’t help himself? For old times’ sake? What if he’d just wanted an affair all along and had decided to look elsewhere? That speculation made her run for the bathroom as she became sick again. *** Sharon kept a promise to herself to visit Tom’s grave the following day. It had been a poignant week, but she was determined to rid her life of harbored bitterness.

Thick afternoon fog slowed her down. As she parked the car in the visitors’ lot, Sharon realized she’d slipped into her old habit of humming as she drove. Was that a good sign, or just a nervous reaction? Remember why you’re here, she told herself, to put the past behind you. Since she hadn’t been there before, it took awhile to find the marker. Even though she came upon the spot slowly, cautiously, the shock of seeing Tom’s name engraved in the granite stone rocked through her. She stared at the tablet for a long time, absorbing the reality, as memories tripped over one another, each demanding attention. Had it really been nearly a year since the accident that had turned her life upside down? At this moment, it seemed like yesterday, yet so much had happened. Sharon knew she wasn’t the same person any longer, innocent and trusting. She remembered the words of an old song, ‘wisdom born of pain’, and understood the meaning. She knelt on the damp grass, clearing her throat as it tightened. She began to speak in halting words. "I haven’t come before, Tom, because I know the real you isn’t here. But it helps to focus my goodbye." She took a deep breath before going on. "You’ll always be a part of my life and heart. Any doubts I had about your love are gone now." She didn’t tell him that another man had been partially responsible for helping her see clearly and to forgive. She gazed off into the distance for a moment, wanting to tell him so much more, if she could. "The boys and I are fine, and…oh, Tom, we miss you so much." As her tears fell, Sharon couldn’t say anymore for awhile. When she gained control, Sharon knew she had to say the words out loud, or they’d torture her always. "Tom, I know about Kathy… I don’t know why you did what you did, and I wish we could’ve talked about it." It took a few more moments to gather her thoughts. "I guess I’ll never know if I failed you as a wife in some way, but you certainly let me down. I’m angry with you for taking away so many good memories. I hope I can regain them with time." She drew a handkerchief from her purse and blew her nose. "Dammit, Tom. What the hell were you thinking? You’re the one to blame, not me. I refuse to feel guilty for your sin. I carry enough guilt for every other damn thing, like all mothers do. You had no right to destroy what we had. Sometimes, I feel like I hate you…" Sharon realized that expressing her anger toward her husband was part of a healing process she needed to go through. "You should’ve told me what you wanted, what you missed with me that someone else had to fulfill. You shouldn’t have died, Tom, it wasn’t fair." Sharon sat and stared at the grave for a long time. Now that her anger was spent, she felt drained. Finally, she stood and walked away, leaving a part of her life behind. It was time to let go.

She knew now it was what Tom would have wanted. If he’d loved her at all, and she was sure he had, he’d want her to try and be happy. *** Several days later, Sharon leaned against the doorframe of the master bedroom. "It can’t be," she said aloud. "Maybe I have a recurring case of the flu…or…" But her rational side knew it wasn’t a virus. Sometimes her nerves threw her cycle off, but not this much. She had to find out as soon as possible. Why had she waited so long, ignoring the possibilities? She wished she could talk to Paula about it, but Sharon’s thoughts were heading down a path she didn’t want to share with anyone. It wasn’t as if she were happily married or likely to be any time soon. Her first action was to take a day off. Esther had been urging her to get more rest and was aware Sharon wasn’t feeling well. When she called in, Esther said, "Take today and tomorrow, dear. You need to slow down and rest up, like I’ve been tellin’ you." "Thanks, Esther, I will. See you Monday." Today was Thursday. That gave Sharon four days to think things through. "Mom, aren’t you going to work today?" Luke stood outside her bedroom door, yelling loudly enough to be heard down the street. "No, hon, I don’t feel good. You and David go ahead." "Can David drive the car?" She heard the hopeful note in his voice. David’s clunker had sputtered and died last week. She knew they hated to ride the bus, but she needed the car. "Not today, Luke. I may need to run out for a prescription or something." The silence grew for a moment and Sharon wondered if he’d already gone. Then, "Okay, bye." "Goodbye." She listened as he clomped down the stairs, then experiencing an unreasonable feeling of being inaccessible to her sons, she went out into the hall. "Have a good day," she called, but there was no response. Sharon scurried around for the next half hour, getting dressed for the drive into Sandpoint. She’d buy the home pregnancy test there instead of the Corner Drug. This town was too small. As her little blue car rolled into Sandpoint an hour later, Sharon’s palms were sticky with perspiration. There were two pharmacies on Main Street. Sharon pulled up to the first one. The store was bright with fluorescent lights and colorful displays. She felt as if she were on display herself.

"Can I help you?" a clerk asked. Sharon shook her head. "Just looking." Wandering up and down the aisles, she kept her gaze moving, searching. "Don’t tell me this is one of those things the pharmacist keeps behind the counter," she muttered to herself. No, there it was. She grabbed the box, then a bottle of cough syrup she didn’t need, and went up to the cash register. She forced her expression to remain blank as she paid for the purchase, then hurried back to the car. Not until she reached her own home did she breathe a sigh of relief. That afternoon, the results of the test were on the bathroom counter. Goosebumps covered Sharon’s skin as she stared at the proof of her condition. Positive. She stood motionless as she let the reality sink in, then stumbled over to the bed. Pregnant and unmarried at thirty-six years old. She felt like a teenager who’d made love in the back seat of a car. How could she have let this happen? All because of her terror of storms? Don’t kid yourself, she thought. It was more than that, much more. She wanted to be close to Joe and had practically forced him into a situation where he couldn’t refuse. Shame rippled through her. "Now, what?" What would Joe say if she told him? Could their friendship grow into love with time? Would he ask her to marry him out of a sense of duty, then feel trapped? She’d rather die than put either of them through that. Sharon rolled off the bed and grabbed a directory from her desk. Gynecologists. Her fingers ran down the listings until she found one in Spokane. She didn’t want to go to her family doctor, or even one in Sandpoint. She called the number and made an appointment for the next day. There had been a cancellation. Otherwise, the receptionist informed her, she couldn’t have scheduled her for another two weeks. "I’ll be there," she promised. Now Sharon just had to get through the next twenty-four hours. Another thought occurred to her. These tests weren’t one hundred percent accurate. Maybe a futile hope, but one she clung to desperately. She remembered the miscarriage she’d had when she and Tom were trying to have more children. Eventually, they stopped using all precautions since it seemed she was no longer able to conceive. How ironic that she’d conceived so easily with Joe. If only…if only she wasn’t pregnant, maybe they could start over and allow their relationship to develop naturally. She was willing to try, but not this way. It just wouldn’t work. As Sharon prepared dinner, she tried to put everything out of her mind, at least for a little while. When she burned her hand after grabbing a hot handle, she knew she hadn’t succeeded. "Joe asked about you today," Luke mentioned. "Susan didn’t like it much." It helped firm her resolve not to tell him. Her silence would be her gift for all the things he’d done for her. Sharon realized she’d snapped at the boys all evening. "I’m sorry, I’m just tired," she said. "I’d better go to bed early." It wasn’t their fault she was so uptight.

"Seems like you’ve been going to bed early a lot," David said. "I’m going to Spokane tomorrow," she told them before heading upstairs. "I’ve got some unfinished business that has to do with your father." That was all she could think of as an explanation. How ironic. Now she was using Tom as a partner in her deception. Her sons didn’t question her reason, and she kissed them goodnight. "Don’t forget to clean up the kitchen," she reminded them. As exhausted as she was, physically and mentally, Sharon couldn’t sleep. She kept going over all her options. It would be simpler to tell Joe and allow him to shoulder some of the responsibility. He wouldn’t run out on her, she was sure of that, but if he offered to marry her, what kind of marriage would they have? What if he was seriously involved with Susan? Besides, she didn’t know him well enough to marry him, regardless of the way he made her feel. You knew him well enough to sleep with him, her inner voice admonished. A mixture of shame and intense longing shot through her as she relived that night, the source of her present anguish. She tossed restlessly onto her side, trying to stop remembering. Sharon heard the boys coming up the stairs, muttering back and forth. "You didn’t finish your homework," David told Luke. "None of your business," his brother replied. They were trying to be quiet, thinking she was asleep, but the more cautious Luke was, the more noise he made. He dropped his tennis shoes, then clattered around in the bathroom until finally, a hushed silence settled over the house. Sharon dreaded the silence, because her jumbled thoughts would not be still. If she didn’t tell Joe, what then? Move away? She certainly wouldn’t want to stay in this town. But where would they go? She’d have to tell her parents and her sons, and they’d never understand. She shivered, even beneath the heavy comforter, imagining the looks on all their faces. Sharon closed her eyes tightly, but the images wouldn’t go away. Pregnant after a one-night stand. She turned to Joe only eight months after Tom’s death. Sharon rolled over and stared into the darkness. "What should I do?" she whispered. Another choice waited in the background and felt like a tangible presence in the room. Abortion. It was against everything she’d ever believed in. But then, so was the night she’d spent with Joe. "Two wrongs don’t make a right," she heard her mother say as she had so often during Sharon’s childhood. Sharon wanted to be held in her mother’s arms. She never in her life had to face such a decision. God help me. Sharon pressed her face into the pillow to muffle her tears and wept bitterly. She knew that sleep would elude her tonight. ***

Joseph could no longer transport his consciousness at will, but Serena brought him before her. "You’re running out of time, my friend. Have you made up your mind?" He was reluctant to make the final decision. It was too important. "Can I have until the end of school?" he asked. Serena regarded him thoughtfully for a moment. "Did you know that Sharon Quinn visited her husband’s grave for the first time recently?" Joseph shook his head. "No." Possibilities swirled through his mind. "Do you think she’s letting go, or facing the fact that she never will?" Serena was silent for an even longer time, and Joseph grew worried. "Please tell me," he said. Finally, the beautiful angel spoke. "I truly wish I could, Joseph, but I’ve been told not to influence your decision. Everything is up to you now." "But…" he began, "everything hinges on whether she’ll ever love me as a man." Serena looked as though her heart were breaking. "You know something, don’t you?" Joseph asked as an icy fear swept through him. "My prayers go with you, my friend," she replied, her voice barely above a whisper. Joseph found himself back in his apartment, more alone than ever before.

CHAPTER 11 Sharon practically pushed the boys out the door the next morning, wishing the day over before it began. Since her decision was made, she moved as a sleepwalker, her purpose clear, though more painful than she’d dreamed possible. As she dressed for the trip to the doctor, the phone rang. "Hi, it’s Joe." He paused a moment, but she was too startled to respond. "I called last night, but you’d already gone to bed. Luke said you were driving to Spokane today, and I wondered if you’d like company." Sharon froze at his suggestion. If he knew he’d offered to accompany her on the quest to destroy his child… She felt sick. "Thanks, Joe, but it’s something I have to take care of alone. Bye." She hung up quickly before he could say another word. Merely the sound of his voice was enough to make her weak with hunger for what might have been. After the long, sleepless night in which she had agonized over every alternative, Sharon willed her mind to remain blank until it was over. She couldn’t do that if she saw Joe, her baby’s father. Her baby… Sharon already thought of it as a person; how could she go through with her plans? She kept alive the dim hope that the home test was flawed.

If not, then she’d bear the brunt of her sorrow alone. Why burden anyone else? All the way to Spokane, Sharon argued with herself, just as she had the night before. By the time she arrived, nearly two-and-a-half hours later, the thought of her sons’ reaction was too great to put aside. There wasn’t any other way. When she glanced in the rearview mirror, she was shocked to find how haggard she looked. Her appearance must be a reflection of the turmoil going on inside. "Where is this place?" she cried, frustrated. It took several times around the section of Spokane the secretary had described before she found the office. Dr. Reynolds. She regretted giving her real name. Forcing herself to move, Sharon climbed out of the car and went inside the brick building. The smells were like all other doctors’ offices, a mixture of rubbing alcohol, cleaning solvents, and other unidentifiable, medicinal odors. The waiting room was full, and Sharon felt like everyone there knew her secret. The receptionist smiled. "Please fill out these papers." She handed her a clipboard. Sharon took a seat and stared at the pages, her stomach in knots. There wasn’t any reason to hold back now; she filled them in completely. When her turn came, Sharon followed the nurse in a daze. After waiting another twenty minutes in the exam room, wearing nothing but a scant blue gown and a layer of goosebumps, the doctor came in. He appeared to be about thirty-two, tall, mustached, and smiling. "Hello, Mrs. Quinn, I’m Dr. Reynolds." He held out his hand, and she placed her icy one in his, then pulled back at once. "You’d like a pelvic exam to determine if you’re pregnant?" He studied the information on her chart, missing her nod. When he lifted his gaze, she nodded again. "Don’t be nervous. I see you already have two sons." Sharon grimaced as a dart of pain speared her chest. How had she gotten into such a mess? Couldn’t she have resisted the temptation to feel Joe’s arms around her? What she’d give to have them around her right now… The doctor summoned the nurse before he began. "Just relax," he said. Sharon winced as he touched a tender spot. She always hated these exams and stared at the ceiling, pretending she was somewhere else. Don’t think, she repeated silently for the hundredth time. When he finished, he said, "You may sit up now." He turned to write in her chart. Sharon clutched the skimpy sheet that covered her legs as the back of her gown gaped open. She shivered from the draft. Dr. Reynolds’ voice startled her. "It looks like you’re about six weeks along, Mrs. Quinn. Congratulations." Sharon tried to swallow, then blinked to hold back the tears.

"Mrs. Quinn, are you all right?" He leaned toward her. Sharon lifted her gaze to meet the doctor’s inquiring eyes, clenched her teeth and said, "I want an abortion." He set the chart down and backed against the counter. "Have you given this a great deal of thought?" "Yes, I have," she said in a husky voice. "I’m a widow, supporting two teenagers. I can’t have this baby." Spoken aloud, her argument sounded inadequate, especially to her. He drew his mouth into a straight line and rubbed his finger across the full mustache. "How long have you been a widow?" Sharon felt the shame rise within her and fought it down. It wasn’t any of his business, but she needed his help. "Ten months." A bead of perspiration broke out on her upper lip. The doctor exhaled slowly. "I don’t perform abortions, but one of my associates does. After you’re dressed, the nurse will give you the consent form to look over. If you don’t change your mind, make an appointment with Dr. Nickles, but don’t wait too long. He’ll need to do a work-up on your general health." He picked up the chart and left the room. She dressed quickly, chilled to the bone. The weight of depression hung heavily. When she came out of the exam room, the nurse handed her a yellow sheet of paper. Sharon mumbled a ‘thank you’ then paid the receptionist and bolted from the building. She headed for the car, carefully going over the contents of the form. The list of risks disturbed her and included hemorrhaging, severe cramping, infection, among others. Sharon was so intent upon the medical terminology, she didn’t see the person in her path and ran straight into him. She stared wide-eyed into Joe’s face and felt the blood drain from her own. "What are you doing here?" "You sounded so strange this morning, I was worried, so I followed you." His eyes were full of genuine concern. "You followed me? Didn’t I tell you I had to do this alone?" Sharon’s frenzied mind searched for an avenue of escape and found anger. Joe’s gaze moved to the yellow sheet she clutched so desperately. "What’s that? Are you ill, and you didn’t want the boys to know?" He started to take the paper, but she cried, "No!" and held it behind her back. His eyes narrowed. "What’s wrong with you? Let me see it. Maybe I can help." Joe reached around her and took the form, then read the condemning words. Sharon waited as a defendant waits for the verdict. His eyes widened, and he stared at her incredulously. "Menstrual extraction? Is that what I think it is? An abortion? What’s going on?" He paused as if in shock. "You’re pregnant?!"

She knew her face revealed the answer against her will. His face registered disbelief. "It’s my baby, isn’t it? And you want to get rid of it?" Sharon touched his arm, but he pulled away. "Joe, let me explain…" He’d never understand. He shook his head, pressing his palms against his temples. "I don’t believe this. Why didn’t you at least come to me so we could talk? Do I mean so little to you?" When she opened her mouth to speak and nothing came out, Joe raised his hand. "Never mind. I don’t want to know." As if he couldn’t bear to look at her any longer, Joe turned and left her there alone. Sharon watched helplessly. When he started his car, she ran after him and tried to make him stop, but he pealed away without a backward glance. After he’d gone, she somehow found her own car, but dropped the keys twice before finally getting the door open. As she sank into the seat, the hopelessness of the situation overcame her. "I wouldn’t have done it, Joe, I know that now…" she spoke aloud. "I wouldn’t have…" She realized it was true. When the reality hit, she knew she couldn’t go through with it. If he hadn’t seen the paper, maybe they could have talked sensibly. It was too late now. She’d never forget the look in his eyes and couldn’t blame him. Across the street from the doctor’s office, children played in a park. Sharon watched for a long time, remembering her own boys when they were little and how precious they were. She touched her stomach as if she could feel the life growing there. Joe’s baby… If only she’d realized before how much she loved him, and to hell with public opinion. Sharon allowed herself to contemplate that startling fact. That was the reason she wanted to make love with him in the first place. It was Joe she needed, not a substitute for Tom. Her guilt at loving again had made it impossible for her to admit it before. What should have brought them together had torn them irrevocably apart. Her vision blurred, and she could no longer see the youngsters at play. Even as she rejected the idea of abortion, she admitted her reasons for considering it had not disappeared. There was still the gossip, her boys, her job, her parents… Nothing had changed, except that she’d lost Joe, for good this time. Sharon turned the key in the ignition, then drove aimlessly until she found herself in front of an old cathedral. She parked the car, but was reluctant to enter the sacred place. The ageless architecture summoned her. She climbed the steps slowly. Once, stopping midway up the stairs, she thought, I don’t belong here. She turned and retraced her steps down the stone stairs, only half-aware that her actions were observed by a shabby old man sitting on a bench across the street. "He probably thinks I’m crazy," and she’d have to agree with him. Sharon did an about-face and determinedly resumed the climb to enter the dim vestibule.

Struck by the awesome stillness of the sanctuary, she pulled down the kneeling bar and knelt in the back pew. The quiet calmed her as she realized she’d been shaking since that morning. As Sharon gazed at the stained glass windows, she tried to clear her head. The myriad colors of the glass created a prism of light sparkling over the shadows below. Votive candles flickered on either side of the altar, and Sharon became mesmerized by their flame. Her attention was caught by a window high overhead that depicted a hovering angel, and she hoped her guardian angel was putting in overtime. She figured she needed a legion of angels at this point. Sharon didn’t know what to do about Joe, but she knew now what to do with his baby. She’d love it completely, without shame. There was no other choice, especially after seeing the pain in Joe’s eyes. She’d hurt the one person who’d never done anything to hurt her. Except when he dated Susan, but she’ d practically shoved him into the other woman’s arms. As she thought about her relationship with Joe, Sharon realized she’d expected love to run on a timetable, rather than to be given freely as a gift. She’d been too concerned with protocol and appearances. What a lonely existence she’d created for herself. She didn’t know how long she knelt in the church, but her back grew stiff. Sharon rose, acknowledging the strength within her. Had it always been there? Her strength hadn’t come from Tom, as she thought, yet she’d lived her life under that premise. How profoundly unsettling. From now on, she’d follow her own instincts. If only these revelations had come sooner. With a sad sigh, she headed for home, thinking of the difficult days ahead. *** Joe parked on the side of the road and waited. Where was she? If Sharon didn’t come along soon, he’d have to go back and find her. As he sat there, he thought about what he’d discovered. Sharon’s decision about the baby must be the secret Serena had reluctantly kept from him. Joe couldn’t understand why Sharon hadn’t come to him, when all along he’d only wanted what was best for her. Couldn’t she see that? His baby. Was it true? He hadn’t given her a chance to say anything before he’d erupted in righteous anger. Joe ran his fingers through his hair. She hadn’t given him a chance either. No experience had ever had him so confused and unsure of himself. He didn’t like the feeling, wanting to be close to her, yet knowing she didn’t feel the same. When they’d made love, he thought she needed him, and that he could make her happy. She had no idea what he was willing to give up for her, and gladly. Human limitations were a little difficult getting used to, but he didn’t mind, if Sharon loved him. Joe began to realize that it would take a lot longer for her to get over her husband. He knew it wasn’t

right for him to have such a strong dislike for a dead man. Joe had felt his world end when Sharon told him to leave the morning after the storm, with nothing but misery and shame in her eyes. He knew he should speak with Serena about this further, but she’d want to know his final decision. Had she even agreed to give him until the end of the school year? He didn’t think so. Just then, Sharon’s Honda flashed by, and Joe remembered why he was waiting. He’d see her safely home, then what? "Serena," he called out, "can I convince her to keep the child?" Their child. It would be a bond between them, whether or not she wanted it to be. That way, there’d always be a chance. Did he still want her after this? Yes, dammit. God help him, he wanted her more than ever, but his time was running out. *** When Joe’s car pulled into the lane behind her, Sharon’s first reaction was to stop and talk to him. But what could she say to undo the damage she’d already done? "Why are you here, Joe?" Just a coincidence? Sharon decided to keep driving and see if he passed. He didn’t. She checked the rearview mirror every few minutes, comforted by his presence, though she was puzzled. During the long drive, she practiced several speeches for Joe, but each one fell flat. Could he ever understand the fears that drove her to that doctor’s office? As they neared Hollow Bend, Sharon wondered if he would follow her all the way home. She nearly cried out in disappointment when he turned down the street to his apartment. The whole way back, Sharon had suffered over whether to try to talk to Joe again, but she couldn’t forget the image of his face when he realized what she was doing there. She’d have to give him time. Maybe he’d listen to her eventually… *** As each day passed, Sharon grew more determined to carry her baby, no matter what the consequences. She even caught herself humming lullabies as she folded laundry or washed dishes. "What’s with Mom?" she heard Luke ask David one evening. "I don’t know, but don’t get her upset." It was especially difficult keeping her secret from Paula, though eventually everyone would know, of course. Joe avoided her at school, which made Sharon ache for the sight of him even more. Then one night, she answered a knock at the door, and there he stood. Sharon simply stared at him, loving the cut of his dark hair, the way his lashes shadowed his eyes, the long crease in his right cheek that deepened when he smiled. She couldn’t believe he was here. "Can I talk to you? On the porch?" He stepped back, inviting her, his deep voice slicing through the

darkness. He held his mouth in a straight line as if he couldn’t afford to reveal any trace of emotion. Sharon nodded and called over her shoulder. "Joe’s here, boys. I’ll be outside." Her voice shook as did her hands when she closed the door. Joe motioned for Sharon to sit on the swing with him. As she sank onto the seat, he squeezed in beside her, their bodies touching. Sharon held her breath and waited to hear what he had to say. His expression, lost and unhappy, frightened her. They were both silent for several minutes as Joe clenched and unclenched his fists, his head bowed. Sharon wondered if he couldn’t stand to look at her. She longed to knead the knotted muscles in the back of his neck until he melted into her, forgiving the past. As she gazed at his strong profile, he finally spoke. "How are you feeling?" "Better. The morning sickness isn’t quite so bad." Her voice still shook, so she took several deep breaths. "If you’ll keep the baby, I’ll help you. You won’t have to do it alone." Joe hadn’t looked at her yet, but stared out into the night. She thought about what he said and wished there were more words, words of love and promises and commitment. "I’ve been wanting to tell you how sorry I am that I even considered…" she twisted her fingers in her lap. "I know now I’d never have done it, Joe. You don’t have to worry, and you can see the baby anytime." Sharon had to stifle a sob as her dreams of them being together slipped away. In a way, she was almost glad that she didn’t have to worry about him feeling forced into marriage. She was a little surprised he hadn’t at least offered. Wishful thinking again, she told herself. "Are you still leaving in June?" "I don’t know," he said, very subdued. "I’m not sure of anything right now." She stood suddenly. "Look, I’m not trying to pressure you. I’m having the baby. You don’t have to feel the least bit responsible." He stood then, too. "I am responsible. You didn’t get pregnant by yourself." He took her shoulders. "Stop being so prickly as if your newfound independence is being stolen from you. We’ll work something out." Sharon blinked rapidly as she felt tears gathering. She didn’t want to cry in front of him. At that moment, she knew she loved him enough to release him. She’d done nothing but hurt him throughout their entire relationship. This was her chance to repay his kindness. "I’m going to be fine, Joe. You do what you have to do, even if it means leaving." She couldn’t look at him as she said it. He’d see the pleading in her eyes. She reached out to touch him, but he pulled away.

Oh Joe, she cried inside. I’m so sorry…for all that I’ve put you through in such a short time. Joe nodded, a portrait of defeat. He turned and went down the steps and out to his car. Sharon watched him drive off the property and wondered whether she was really brave or just plain stupid. Giving him a way out had seemed the kind thing to do, but it left her feeling like she’d plunged into a pit of despair. She thought she was being unselfish, but she’d probably succeeded in hurting him even more. Perhaps after she had the baby, she’d write to him, and they could start over. Then she’d know it was real, though she doubted her ability to recognize the signs anymore. Sharon didn’t realize how long she sat outside until Luke opened the door. "Mom?" "I’m here, honey." "Where’s Joe?" "Gone." For all intents and purposes, he was indeed gone from their lives. Slowly, she eased off the swing and followed Luke inside. *** Joe didn’t know what he’d expected, maybe for Sharon to throw herself into his arms and pledge her undying love. Instead, she treated him like she always had, as a friend. He could no longer sense her thoughts, so he was at a loss. He might as well tell Serena he didn’t want to remain a man. She had a right to know, keeping the universe in order and all that. He supposed he could be one of those part-time fathers, but his love was too deep, too painful for him to keep it hidden. Yes, it was best for all concerned if he agreed to plunge headlong into another mission. *** Three days later, Sharon went upstairs with a pile of laundry and a sharp stabbing pain swept across her abdomen. She grabbed her sides and dropped the clothes. Carefully, she eased down onto a step. As she breathed deeply and slowly, the pain gradually subsided, only to be replaced moments later by a stronger one. This time she cried out, but there was no one to hear. When Sharon felt the sticky wetness running down her leg, she knew she had to make it to the bathroom. She began to crawl up the stairs, pausing each time the cramping became too intense, praying the inevitable would not happen. Finally, she reached her destination. That afternoon, as she laid on her bed in shock, Sharon faced another great sorrow. She’d lost Joe’s baby, almost as if she’d willed it because she didn’t want it at first. This must be her punishment, when that infinitesimal life had become so precious to her…the only remaining link to the man she loved. Sharon forced herself to think. She knew from past experience that she’d had a complete miscarriage with no hemhorraging so far, but she should see a doctor and couldn’t risk the trip to another town. It would have to be Doc Hanson, one of her father’s old friends. Even though she hadn’t wanted to go to

him to find out if she was pregnant, Sharon did trust him. She started to call Paula, then remembered she was working today. She’d have to get there on her own, unwilling to burden anyone else. Slowly, carefully, she made her way downstairs and out to the car. Her body ached with every movement. In the meantime, she wouldn’t allow herself to think about the full impact of her loss. Two hours later, Sharon was back home in bed. She told her sons she wasn’t feeling well and to order pizza. That didn’t upset them too much, and she could hear them entertaining their friends. Now that Sharon had to face what had happened, she couldn’t stop crying. It would have been a beautiful baby, she was sure of it. She experienced an intense longing to hold the child she lost and squeezed her eyes tight. Oh God, why? I would have loved it, cared for it. I couldn’t help how I felt in the beginning; I was so scared. "How will I tell Joe?" she moaned, realizing she’d held a shred of hope the baby would bring them together. This much was true, though; he did have a right to know as soon as possible. As she imagined telling him, Sharon cried again. She felt like she’d tried to hold her tears in for so long, she had no control. David knocked and asked, "Mom, are you all right?" Sharon cleared her throat and prayed her voice sounded close to normal. "I’m fine, hon." "Can I bring you anything?" Only if you can bring Joe and my baby back, she thought. "No, son, but thank you. I’ll see you in the morning." She simply couldn’t face her boys tonight. Doc Hanson had said she’d feel fine in a few days with no further treatment than rest and iron tablets. He hadn’t asked a single question about how she became pregnant. He’d only smiled at her with his kind eyes and heart. Her stomach muscles were sore, but the cramping pains had subsided. For that, she was grateful. Willing herself to relax, Sharon was determined to be up and about soon. Then she was going to Joe. It took several days before Sharon felt strong enough to go back to work, but Esther had been understanding, as always. What would Esther think if she knew what had really kept her home, Sharon wondered? She realized that a person as kind as Esther would have grieved with her, not judged her. Why had she always been so afraid of what people would think? David and Luke were obviously thrilled to find their mother feeling better. Sharon knew it had been hard on them, especially with her mood swings. Every time she thought of Joe’s baby, her eyes grew moist, and she’d have to get away by herself. There was no way she could explain her emotions to two teenaged boys. Sharon didn’t run into Joe at school, but waited in the parking lot one afternoon for him. Finally, she saw

him. He was alone, something she hadn’t expected, but had counted on. She got out of her car, but Joe either didn’t see her, or pretended not to. He drove away before she reached him. Sharon let her arms fall to her sides, feeling lost. Taking a deep breath, she told herself she was not helpless. She was going to talk to him, no matter what. Sharon headed down Main Street toward Joe’s apartment and hoped he was going straight home. When she turned the corner, his red sportscar pulled into his reserved spot. She parked alongside him and methodically tucked her keys in her purse, delaying the moment when she’d have to look into his accusing eyes. He didn’t leave his car. Slowly, she turned her head. Joe gazed at her with an expression she couldn’t read. She didn’t move. When Joe slid out of his car, she held her breath. His jaw was set in a grim line. Oh Joe, what I’d give to see you smile at me again, just once. Instead of coming toward her, he turned and headed up the stairs to his apartment. Sharon’s spirits plummeted. He can’t even bear to talk to me, she thought. Trembling, she wished for the first time that she smoked. She needed something to calm her shattered nerves. Sharon sat for a long time, trying to think what to do, then she opened the door and got out. He had to see her. As far as he knew, she still carried his child. As she climbed the steps, Sharon willed herself to go on. Don’t think, she kept repeating inside, just act. When she reached the door, she knocked lightly, then louder. Please, Joe, don’t turn me away. When the door opened, Sharon stepped backward, then gazed into his dark eyes. They were shadowed and haunted, and Sharon mourned the fact that it was she who’d caused him so much suffering. She moistened her lips and said, "May I come in?" He didn’t react at first, then pulled her into the apartment and closed the door. They stared at one another, sorrow visible on both their faces. Joe looked tired, as if he hadn’t slept in weeks. Sharon wished she didn’t have to give him the news she’d brought, so she delayed the moment. "May I sit down?" He gestured toward the living room, and they sat on opposite ends of the sofa. Joe still hadn’t spoken. Sharon tried to analyze his expression, but it was no use. There wasn’t an easy way to say it. "I’ve lost the baby, Joe." The silence that followed was the most deafening she’d ever heard. First, Sharon saw disbelief in his face, then sorrow, then anger. "What do you mean, you lost it? How?" "It’s not what you think. I had a miscarriage last week." She could tell he didn’t believe her. "I’m sorry, Joe. In spite of what you must think of me, I wanted our baby."

*** If Joseph had been a different person, he probably would have struck Sharon at that moment. Since that action was unthinkable, he paced. His pain wouldn’t allow him to stop as images of his child tortured his mind. He finally paused in front of the woman who’d turned his existence into chaos and uttered, "You went ahead with the abortion, didn’t you?"

CHAPTER 12 Sharon rubbed her forehead as she tried not to cry. She’d done too much of that lately. How could she blame him for thinking that? "No, Joe, you’re wrong. You can ask Doctor Hanson. He took care of me after I miscarried." Joe continued to pace like a caged animal. Sharon went to him, knowing there was only one way to break through his defenses. When she touched him, he flinched as if he’d been burned. She hadn’t known she could hurt so much. "Joe, listen to me, please." She paused, gathering strength for the most important moment of her life. "I didn’t realize for a long time, but I… I love you, Joe, more than I can say." He stopped pacing, but didn’t speak. His eyes were full of doubt. She didn’t think he’d ever believe in anything or anyone again. "I know I’ve hurt you. I never meant to. You’ve got to believe that." He still didn’t say anything, so Sharon went on. Her life depended upon her words. "Joe, please give me a chance to make it up to you. Please let me love you." Joe studied her face as Sharon stood for the verdict. "I’ve waited a long time for you to say you love me, Sharon, but right now, I’m not sure what I’m feeling." She felt panic stir inside. "Just a chance," she pleaded. "I’ll do anything." It dawned on her that she could never give him back his child. "I do need something from you, Sharon." "Anything," she repeated. She prayed desperately that she’d be able to fulfill that promise. "I need a new beginning, one you may be unable to give." "What do you mean?" "If you really do love me, I want you to prove it." "But, how?" He held her arms to make sure she understood his words. "I want you to be unafraid to be seen with me, to tell your kids about us, your parents, and your friends. I need to know you’ve let go of the past and can really be mine. Can you do that?" Sharon could tell how important this was to Joe, and that her future happiness depended upon her ability

to convince him her love was real. He was asking her to make him a part of her life, completely and unashamedly, without regret or reservation. His request revealed how unsure he was. "I’ll do it, Joe. I’ll prove my love in every way I can. We’ll start fresh, as if we’ve just met and…" He interrupted her. "That would be impossible, Sharon, to pretend we’re strangers, as if we’d never…" He swallowed as he struggled to go on, "But I want to court you, the way you deserve. I’m tired of feeling like a criminal because I want to be near you." Sharon felt hope blossom within as he spoke. She’d never let him go now, if she had anything to say about it. "There’s one thing I have to know." "What is it?" His dark eyes swept her face with an intense look. "You do believe how badly I wanted your baby, don’t you? And how much it hurt to lose that precious life?" If he didn’t believe that, then nothing she did would heal the hurt between them. Joe stared at her, silently contemplating, then caressed her cheek with a tenderness that made her throat swell with emotion. "I wanted it, too, and I do believe you." *** Joe watched her go, wondering if everything he wanted was within his reach. Because so much depended upon Sharon’s feelings for him, he had to be sure. If they couldn’t become a couple, if the idea made David miserable… He realized there were many lives involved. He had no intention of staying if his presence only made things more difficult for Sharon. He’d leave earth forever and watch over her from afar. "Oh God," he prayed. "Help me do what’s right." "Serena," he called to his old friend, "your guidance is welcome, too." He waited for an answer to pop into his mind, then realized he was being allowed to find it within his own heart. *** As Sharon drove home, she went over everything they’d talked about. Joe hadn’t declared his love, but he would someday, she was sure, if she opened her heart to him. That included sharing everything in her life, which might cause some resistance among her loved ones, but they’d come around. They had to. Sharon always tried to do what was right, or what others thought she should do. This was something she wanted, and she wasn’t going to throw it away. Sharon invited Joe to dinner the next evening and mentally prepared a talk with her sons. It sounded reasonable in her mind, but how much should she tell them? She didn’t want Joe to feel like an outsider in her home ever again. David and Luke were in the living room, so Sharon slipped a ham-and-potato casserole into the oven and joined them, turning off the TV.

"Hey, we were watching the Lakers’ game." Sharon clasped her hands nervously. "This’ll only take a minute, then you can turn it back on." She sat between them on the couch. "It’s about Joe." "What about him?" David asked as a suspicious tone crept into his words. "We’re going to be dating, and I want you both to make him feel welcome." She stressed ‘both’ though her target was David. "All right," Luke said. "That’s fine with me, Mom." "What about Dad?" David said from her left. Sharon let out a deep sigh, then turned and faced her older son. "Please understand something, David. I loved your father and always will, but I’m very much alive, and Joe is special to me, too." She paused, gauging his reaction. "I have to go on living." David stared at the floor, then mumbled, "I guess so." Sharon felt frustrated. "Can you see that I mean no disrespect to your father’s memory by caring for someone else? Our hearts are made to multiply love, not divide it." He nodded, then looked straight at her. She could see him struggling to grasp the maturity she requested. "I want to understand, Mom, and I’ll try to get used to the idea, okay?" She squeezed his knee. "All right. That’s all I ask." Turning to her younger son, she said, "Luke? Any reservations?" "I feel funny about Dad, too, but I think Joe’s cool." "Just try to act natural around him, please?" She got up and switched the TV back on, leaving them with much to think about. Had she said enough to help them accept, or would it take a long time? Would Joe give her time? When Joe knocked, Sharon ran to answer it, as excited as a kid at Christmas. She opened the door and released her breath when she saw him. "Wow," she said, surveying him from head to toe. He wore a black golf shirt and black slacks and looked every bit the ladykiller. "You look terrific," she said softly. "So do you," he returned in his deep voice. Sharon had bought a new sundress for tonight and the dark turquoise changed the color of her eyes. Joe reached for her bare shoulders and pulled her closer. "Just wanted to see if you were real." His hands moved down her arms, raising goosebumps all over her. "Yes, Joe, I’m real." Sharon lifted her mouth to his and welcomed him the way a woman in love welcomes her man. Let him trust me, she prayed. I’ll never let him down again. His arms held her tight as they became lost in the kiss. Sharon was shaken by the rapid rise of passion and wished they were somewhere other than her front porch.

"Way to go, Joe," Luke said behind them, effectively breaking them apart. Sharon felt embarrassed, not because Luke had seen them, but because her emotions had escalated so quickly out of control. "Come on in," she said as she smoothed her hair into place. The evening went better than Sharon had anticipated, though there were several sidelong glances from David. David and Joe were polite to one another, but she couldn’t expect miracles so soon, could she? After dinner, the four of them played blackjack, something that wouldn’t remind the boys of their father. He’d had no patience with card games. "Caddy, stop trying to distract me," Joe said, arranging his cards while the dog licked his arm. He smiled at Sharon over his hand, then threw down an Ace and a Jack. "Not again," Luke groaned. "It’s a good thing we’re not playing for real money." He tossed in the toothpicks he’d bet, and David did the same. Sharon leaned toward Joe. "Are you sure you’re not dealing from the bottom of the deck?" He raised his eyebrows. "Why, ma’am, I can’t believe you said that." He stood slowly, stretched, then advanced around the table toward her. "I think that calls for retribution, don’t you, fellas?" "Show no mercy," Luke said, obviously getting into the spirit, but David remained silent, watching. Sharon ran toward the back door and out into the night, with Joe following at a leisurely pace behind her. The screen door slammed and they were alone. Joe continued toward her as she lured him to the woodshed, hungry for his touch. "I’ve waited all night for this," he said, his voice husky. He lowered his head and their lips met, tentative at first, testing, exploring, as if something precious had nearly been lost. Her fingers traced his cheek and jaw, then his throat, loving every part of him. "Sharon…" Joe’s desire was apparent as their bodies strained toward one another. "Will I ever get enough of you?" "I certainly hope not," she whispered, her warm breath on his neck. Joe straightened and leaned his head back, shuddering as he scanned the stars. Then he looked down at her upturned face. "I forget everything when I’m with you." Sharon melted at his words. She wanted to forget, too, but was wary of pushing her sons’ acceptance too far or too fast. She could imagine how strange her being with another man must seem to them. Joe seemed to read her thoughts. "I know," he said. "They’ll be wondering about us." "So am I," Sharon said, wishing he’d say the words she longed to hear. Apparently Joe wasn’t ready for complete surrender. He smiled and entwined his fingers with hers. "Why don’t we all go out for ice cream? Maybe that’ll cool things off." Sharon agreed, but personally thought it would take more than ice cream to slow her racing pulse.

She’d denied her feelings for Joe for so long that they seemed to be crying out for release. She didn’t know how much longer she could remain patient and respectable, then remembered all that Joe had endured for her. David and Luke liked Joe’s idea of going out. David tried to join into the conversation more, and Sharon gave him a look of gratitude. A thought occurred to her. Maybe David thought Joe would try to push her sons out of her life. They’d have to talk about his fears. Her glance shifted to Joe, and his gaze caught hers and held it. As she licked her cone, the expression on Joe’s face made her eyes widen. "You really are wicked, looking at me like that." She spoke softly, for his ears alone, while the kids talked with friends. Joe winked and Sharon felt herself blush. Celia Moran came into the ice cream parlor, with her frail husband in tow. She left Harry to come over to their table. "What’s this all about?" she demanded without a greeting. Joe started to speak, but Sharon touched his arm. "First of all, Celia, it’s none of your business, and second, get used to seeing us together." The other woman spun on her heels and pushed through the front door, leaving her befuddled husband to follow after her. Joe winked at Sharon and grinned broadly. "Ouch. Remind me to stay on your good side." She smiled back. "I don’t think you’ll find that too difficult to manage." Her boys shrugged their shoulders and rolled their eyes at each other as if the older generation was way beyond understanding. When they went home, Luke practically dragged David into the house. Sharon watched them go, then turned to Joe, thrilled with a sense of the forbidden. "I wish we didn’t have to say goodnight," Joe said in his deep voice as he gazed at her. "So do I," Sharon said, her hand on his knee, rubbing back and forth. "You shouldn’t do that," he said, as if in pain. "Do what?" she asked innocently. With a groan, Joe reached out and pulled her into his arms. This time, his kiss was more than Sharon had ever imagined a kiss could be. He drove her crazy, and she hoped he felt the same. Oh Joe, love me, she thought. Forgive me for hurting you. It was obvious he felt something for her, and Sharon was going to take every advantage. She ran her hand up his chest and Joe shivered, then stopped her. He exhaled as he leaned back against the door. "Woman, you’ve got me bewitched."

"Do I, Joe?" He smiled, but didn’t answer, as if he’d already revealed too much. He glanced toward the house. "Thank you for tonight. I’d better not sit out here necking with their mother if I want the boys on my side." Sharon knew he was right, but didn’t want him to go. She wanted to see him lose control and to test the extent of her power over him. But this wasn’t the time or the place. As she said goodnight and went into the house, Sharon felt so alive she was giddy, but tried to temper her emotions in front of the kids. Both teenagers stared at her when she came in. She wondered if her hair was mussed or her lipstick smeared. She saw them grin and was relieved. Sharon wanted her parents to meet Joe as soon as possible. The school year was drawing to a close, and she didn’t know what would happen then. She didn’t ask if he was still going to California. How would that affect their relationship? At Sharon’s suggestion, the four of them drove to Haden Lake the following Saturday. All she told her folks was that she was bringing a ‘friend’. From the curious tone of her mother’s voice, Sharon figured Bea had already guessed it was a man. Bea and Harry greeted Joe as naturally as if they’d always known him. Later, when Bea got Sharon alone, she said, "Hubba, hubba, where did you find him?" Sharon laughed at her mother’s choice of words. "He’s Luke’s math teacher and coach. It’s been wonderful the way he’s helped out since…since Tom’s death." It was hard to say her husband’s name, especially now that she was in love with someone else. Bea patted her arm. "He seems like a good man, Sharon. Don’t be afraid of your feelings for him." Sharon hesitated, wondering how much she should confide. "I’m not afraid anymore, Mom, but I was horrified for awhile that I could care for anyone but Tom. I really hurt Joe." "What do the boys think?" She glanced out the window where Joe and Luke threw a football back and forth. "Luke’s crazy about him, but David’s a little more reserved. He’s trying, though. I know it’s hardest on him. So much was unresolved between him and his father." Bea squeezed her shoulder. "When David realizes you have a right to be happy, he’ll come around. Just don’t rush things." Sharon went out onto the porch, thinking about her mother’s words. Was she rushing things? Pushing them both into a commitment too soon? Joe lifted his hand and waved, and Sharon returned the gesture, smiling at him. The rest of the visit was pure family time, including a game of badminton, then croquet. Joe fit in perfectly. Even David loosened up and yelled, "Good hit, Joe." Joe asked Harry about fishing and that was all that was needed to win her father over completely. Poor Tom had hated fishing, but had endured it once a year to please his father-in-law. Joe was enthused

about everything, as if every experience were brand new. When Sharon noticed Joe and her father talking seriously under the big leafy oak tree, she wondered what they were saying. "Look at those two," she said to her mother, "they’re cooking up something." "They sure hit it off, didn’t they?" "I hope so," Sharon said. Bea looked at her with a sharp eye. "I think there’s more to this than you’re telling me." Sharon pulled her legs up onto the swing and wrapped her arms around them. Her relationship with Joe was too fragile to talk about and analyze. She protected it with her silence. "You’ll be the first to know," she said to her mother with a secretive smile. On the way back to Hollow Bend, David and Luke ribbed each other in the back seat while Sharon was content to hold Joe’s hand as his thumb made sensuous circles on her palm. It had been a full day, and she didn’t need to talk to feel happy. "Joe, can we stop for ice cream?" Luke asked. Joe glanced in the rearview mirror. "Do you want some, too, David?" "Sure," was his quiet reply. "Good enough," said Joe with a grin, and Sharon squeezed his hand. One more week of school, then what? Would the boys want to be uprooted and go to California if Joe asked her? Did she want to move? As strong as the bond between her and Joe was becoming, Sharon was still far from certain of the outcome. That night, David asked if she’d go to Senior Sunrise with him. Sharon was surprised, knowing what an honor it was to be invited when most of the teenagers wouldn’t dream of having their parents anywhere near the traditional campout. "Why, I’d love to, David, if you really want me." The junior class camped along the Kootenai River the night of the seniors’ graduation, then with the dawn, they became the new seniors. They began making plans and deciding what to take. Sharon found two sleeping bags in the attic that were still in fairly good condition. She was also excited because she knew Joe would be there as a faculty chaperon. Sharon went in search of him after school on Monday, curious about why he hadn’t phoned the day before. When she found him, she stopped abruptly, wishing she could fade into the shadows, unnoticed. Joe and Susan stood close together in the hallway, deep in conversation. Sharon’s heart felt like it had been trampled. Finally, she forced her legs to move, but not before Joe had seen her. As she turned her back on him, he lifted his hand to detain her. "Sharon, wait," he called, but she walked faster, then practically ran to her car. Joe, however, was quicker. She’d already opened the door, but he slammed it shut. "What the hell’s wrong with you?"

"Nothing. Get out of my way." Sharon realized she’d completely lost her cool, but she couldn’t help it. She nearly gagged with her jealousy and didn’t know how to explain that to Joe. Besides, she was having more doubts. Was he merely toying with her to pay back for all the times she’d put up a wall between them? "You’re coming with me," Joe said, not waiting for her consent. He grabbed her hand and pulled her along to his car, then held the door open as they stared at one another in a defiant standoff. Don’t be stupid, she told herself. Don’t throw everything away now. She got into the car. Joe didn’t say a word during the drive to his apartment. Sharon stole a glance at his profile every few seconds, but had no idea what he was thinking. When he parked, he turned to her and said, "Come on up; we need to talk." She followed him up the stairs, feeling miserable. Sharon couldn’t believe how it had rocked her, seeing him with Susan. Didn’t she trust him after all? If not, how would she convince him to trust her? Sharon preceded Joe into the apartment. He stopped in front of her and asked, "Why did you run away from me?" She raised her hand in a helpless gesture, realizing it would be impossible and humiliating to explain, but she tried. "I don’t know what happened to me, but when I saw you with Susan…" "If you’d waited, I could have told you what we were talking about." Her need to know overcame her pride. "What were you talking about?" she asked in a small voice. "You." "Me?" Joe nodded, then ran his fingers through his hair. "She wanted to know why I hadn’t spent any time with her lately." Sharon swallowed. "What did you tell her?" His dark eyes seemed to see all the way to her soul. "I said I couldn’t, because she isn’t you." Sharon ran into his arms, pressing her cheek against his chest. "I’m sorry, Joe, for acting the way I did. Is she in love with you?" He didn’t say anything for a moment as Sharon held her breath. "I doubt it." He kissed the tip of her nose. "That has nothing to do with us. I won’t play games with you, Sharon. We’ve already been through too much. That’s the only way it will work between us." At that moment, Sharon knew there was nothing she’d ever wanted more than for this relationship to work. She lifted her face to his and his mouth claimed hers. The passion escalated between them, being held dormant for too long. Through the haze of her desire, Sharon realized there was something he had to know.

When he lifted his head, she said, "You were never a substitute, Joe." He froze as if she’d struck an open wound. From the anguish in his eyes, Sharon knew he remembered that night and the following morning, when she asked him to leave. "I mean it, Joe. When we made love, I thought of no one but you." Joe blinked as his eyes grew moist, and Sharon regretted every time she’d failed to ease his hurt. She wouldn’t fail him now. Reaching out, she took his hand and led him into the bedroom. She noticed how sparsely furnished it was. Standing on her toes, Sharon kissed his jaw, then the corner of his mouth, as Joe watched with hooded eyes that were dark with desire. She raised her hands to his hair and caressed the coarse strands. Still, he didn’t move. Slowly, Sharon began to undo his buttons, one by one. By the time she reached the third one, he lost control. He pulled her tightly against him as he kissed her hair, then every part of her face. "You know what you do to me, don’t you?" "Show me," she whispered. "Touch me the way you did that night." Sharon had been frightened by the storm and her own emotions the first time they’d made love, but she was no longer afraid. As she slipped out of her clothes, she marveled at how much courage this new love had given her. She felt wanton, passionate, and very much in need of the man standing before her. When he reached into a drawer for protection, her tenderness for him swelled. She still hadn’t told him everything. As he reached for her, she forgot about everything but Joe. His hands moved with reverence over her body, worshipping. "You’re so beautiful," he said in a husky voice. "You make me feel beautiful, Joe." She realized it was true. Sharon showed him that he was beautiful, too, not only in body, but in soul. She guided him to the secret places he already knew as her hair fell forward, brushing his skin. "You take my breath away," he said. Then there were no more words. Sharon moved through the next few days in a trance. An uneasy feeling swept over her each time she remembered that Joe hadn’t said he loved her. She felt especially vulnerable since she’d given herself so freely, but she pushed her anxiety to the back of her mind. It was only natural that she and Joe were self-conscious afterwards. They were still brand-new to one another, and both so vulnerable. With all the end-of-the-year activities, she and Joe found little time to be together, so she was especially looking forward to Senior Sunrise. Her father picked up Luke after school the last day so they could spend the weekend fishing. Sharon wondered if she should confide in her father that their lives may be changing, but something held her back. David went to the graduation ceremony with friends while she completed last-minute preparations. It was

nearly ten o’clock before he came home to change and they left for the campsite. They took a small tent for Sharon, and David would use his sleeping bag outside. When they arrived, there were so many kids it was hard to tell who was who among the twinkling lamplight. They looked like shadows moving in a bizarre dance. More importantly, Sharon couldn’t find Joe. She found it difficult to think of anything but the way he’d made love to her. She longed to be with him again, and the strain was getting to her. Sharon and David worked together to set up their own section of the camp, with Paula and Melanie settling next to them. Paula laughed. "Is this the only way we get to see each other anymore? Camping?" Sharon joined in her laughter. "It seems that way, and I have so much to tell you." Paula leaned closer. "Could it have anything to do with that tall, dark, handsome teacher we know?" "Maybe…" Then Sharon told her friend she was in love. "Oh, honey, I’m so happy for you both. Does that mean…?" Sharon sighed. "I’m not sure what it means yet, Paula, but he isn’t getting away from me, no matter what." "Smart girl." Sharon’s gaze went in search of Joe every chance she got, but there was no sign of him. She and Paula threw some dried twigs on the fire over which they’d roast a late supper of hot dogs. David and Melanie said they were eating on the other side of the camp. The two mothers quirked their eyebrows. "So much for togetherness," said Paula. "Guess what happened today?" "What?" Sharon could see how happy Paula was. "Ty was hired by the school district to run their maintenance program. We’re staying!" "That’s wonderful," Sharon said, then frowned, puzzled. "I wonder if Joe’s still going back to California." "You haven’t asked?" Paula teased. Sharon shook her head, wishing she knew more about his plans for the future. As she stared into the leaping flames of the campfire, Sharon listened contentedly to the sounds of laughter, teenagers running in the sand, teasing and retorts. Suddenly she tuned in on Joe’s voice. "There he is," whispered Paula. Sharon peered into the darkness, trying to separate one shadow from another. When his form emerged into the light of her campfire, Sharon’s heart leapt for joy. Was he as glad to see her? She felt a little shy and smiled foolishly up at him.

Joe hunkered down beside her, his face close to hers. "Hi, beautiful." He glanced over at Paula. "Oh, and you, too." Paula got up and walked away, calling over her shoulder, "I can take a hint." Taking in his dark hair and eyes, Sharon said, "Hi, handsome." Everything and everyone else faded as her body ached for him. "Think we’ll have any time together tonight?" she asked hopefully. Someone called his name, and his shoulders sagged. "I’d better do my duty as primary chaperone. If I don’t see you later, meet me by the river at sunrise." There were promises in his eyes, but Sharon felt utterly alone as he walked away. Would he tell her he loved her or say his final goodbyes? She realized her confidence was at a low-level. Sharon didn’t need to worry about keeping busy or the time passing swiftly. As one of the parents, she had to attend to burns on careless fingers, listen to a lovelorn teen, figure out sleeping arrangements, then quiet things down around two a.m., after the last sing-along. Paula was just as busy, but Sharon knew she’d nag her for more details when the opportunity arose. About an hour later, Paula grabbed her arm. "Well?" "I’m meeting him by the river at sunrise." Paula sighed. "How romantic!" By the time the kids’ chatter had tempered to a low murmuring throughout the camp, Sharon said goodnight to her son and the others and crawled inside her tent. Even summer nights were cool in Idaho, and she snuggled deep inside her sleeping bag. It seemed like she’d only been asleep a short time when something startled her awake. At first, Sharon thought someone had tapped her on the shoulder, but she didn’t see anyone. It was still dark, except for the faint light of an approaching dawn. She was wide awake now and knew she couldn’t get back to sleep. Easing out of her sleeping bag and past the small tent opening, she smiled when she saw David. He was snoring peacefully, one arm flung over his eyes. Sharon used her flashlight to check her watch and saw that it was almost time for sunrise anyway. She felt a sense of urgency to get down to the river. As she slipped into her shoes, she checked the sleeping teenagers once more, then headed along the path. About halfway there, Sharon heard a low growling noise from a thick stand of trees. She stopped abruptly and tried to see into the darkness. What kind of animal was hidden in the shadows? As Sharon stood frozen with fear, a coyote came out of the bushes and approached her slowly, but steadily. Foam dripped from its bared fangs and its gray coat looked wet and matted. She wanted to scream, but sound remained lodged in her throat. As the rabid beast continued its advance, Sharon heard Joe’s deep voice behind her. "Don’t move, Sharon," then, "Please, Serena, help me just once more." Joe stepped in front of Sharon,

moving in slow motion. "Joe, be careful!" He silenced her with a glance. Joe began to speak in low tones in a language Sharon had never heard before. The animal halted its forward movement, its head tilted to one side, listening. Joe spoke again, then reached out and touched the furred head. The coyote’s yellow eyes seemed to lose their crazed look just before the animal turned and bounded into the woods. Joe took Sharon into his arms and whispered her name. "I won’t ever let anything hurt you," he said. Sharon couldn’t stop trembling. "Wh…what happened? What if that coyote attacks one of the kids?" He held her tighter and stroked her hair. "Don’t worry. There’s no more danger." She leaned back to look into his eyes. They still glowed with an inner light. "Joe, who’s Serena?" She knew now that was the woman’s name he’d called out before. He seemed to hesitate, then smiled and took her hand. "I have something to tell you." When they reached the riverbank, Joe guided her to a length of driftwood where they sat. He kept his arm around her. Sharon laid her head on his shoulder, as love for him welled up so intensely she could scarcely breathe. Gradually, the sun peeked over the horizon with the promise of a new day. Silently, Sharon watched the great globe of light on its ascent into the morning sky. Clouds formed into pink cotton candy against a background of blue. When he didn’t say anything, she sat up straight, separating herself from him so that she could look into his face. "It doesn’t matter who she is, Joe. I love you." Joe closed his dark eyes, then turned his gaze upon her. "I know you’ll find this very hard to believe, Sharon, but I was a guardian angel when I fell in love with you. Serena is the Head Guardian. I asked for her help with the coyote." Her eyes wide, Sharon listened, without moving, to Joe’s tale. He spoke of his mission and how he’d fought against it. All the while, Sharon felt as if a strong wind were whistling through her head. Nothing seemed real. When he finished, Sharon didn’t know what to say, but she had no doubt he was telling the truth. "I knew you were special. I just wish I’d realized sooner how special." She leaned back clasping her hands around her knees. "Imagine, my own guardian angel falling in love with me." Her voice was full of wonder. "That shows you how powerful true love can be," he said quietly. Sharon hoped so because she had to tell him one last sorrow. "I’m so sorry about our baby, Joe." She paused, twisting her fingers until Joe stilled them in his grasp. He gave her the courage to go on. "Dr. Hanson told me I’ll never have another child."

Joe bowed his head and rubbed his fingers over his eyes. Sharon knew he grieved for their lost child. She grieved with him, feeling inadequate, incomplete. He took her hand and stared down at her fingers, caressing them one by one. Then he raised his gaze to meet hers, with no secrets left between them. "I’ve thought about that a lot." He paused as she waited, her life and happiness in his hands. "I’m only going to love one woman now and forever. If I can’t be with you, then a dozen kids of my own wouldn’t fill the emptiness." Sharon’s throat swelled as tears filled her eyes. "Do you mean that? Truly?" He gathered her close to himself. "My darling, don’t you know by now how much you mean to me? Haven’t I proven my love for you?" Her arms went around his waist to hold him as tightly as she could. "I don’t deserve you," she whispered, afraid he might agree with her. Joe’s grip tightened. "You’re everything I’ve ever wanted, Sharon, you and the boys." His voice was low and intense. "Do you love me enough to marry me? I thought we’d stay in Idaho, for now." "Yes," she said with a smile, "and I’ll make you so happy." She shook her head. "I’ve been such a fool." He lifted her chin and brushed her lips with his mouth, rubbing back and forth. "No, my love. You were a woman who loved deeply and faithfully. You knew no other way, then you lost that love." He kissed her again, gently. "I understood, though it killed me to try and be nothing more than your angel." "I can’t believe you gave up eternity for me." A joyous light shone from his face. "We’ll still have eternity…together." Joe crushed her to him, caressing her as if he thought she might disappear from his embrace. When his mouth found hers once more, Sharon responded without hesitation. There were no yesterdays, only tomorrows, and she knew she was the luckiest woman alive. *** In another place far away, Serena touched her heart and smiled her all-knowing smile. "Just like I told you, old friend, true love is a matter of destiny."

About the Author Bonnie’s journey through life has encompassed many roles, including Senior Secretary of the Space Physics Lab, Marine Corps wife, Idaho farm wife, home school teacher, customer service rep, medical secretary, and FBI applicant. She fell in love with her Marine when he batted his curly eyelashes in her direction. Bonnie started writing while living in a 10’ x 50’ trailer with her husband and five sons as the family built their own house. She’s sold four novels, over sixty-five non-fiction articles, two poems, and Chicken Soup is considering her dachshund

cartoons for an upcoming book. As soon as the Drury clan moved to Sacramento in 1985, Bonnie joined the Sacramento Valley Rose chapter of RWA and served as secretary, tape librarian, and writes motivational articles for the chapter newsletter. "What a great group, always cheering each other on." "Writing makes me feel complete," she says. "It’s a good thing I’m Missouri-born and stubborn as a mule, or I wouldn’t have persevered. Good things do happen to those who don’t know how to give up."

JUNE 1999 SWP RELEASES

The Sylvan Wars Saga Book I THE BINDING by PhyllisAnn Welsh MoonStar—ISBN 0-9668209-8-0

THE BRIDE OF SEA CREST HALL by Clara Wimberly Gothic Mansion (Re-release)—ISBN 1-929034-05-9

FIXATION by NC Anderson Deadly Kisses—ISBN 0-9668209-1-6

THE LOST DIARY OF GLAMORGAN CASTLE by Patricia Werner

Gothic Mansion—ISBN 1-929034-04-0

SECRET LEGACY by Carolee Joy Deadly Kisses—ISBN 0-9668209-6-7

TANGLED MEMORIES by Jan Scarbrough Gothic Mansion—ISBN 0-9668209-8-3

THUNDER DANCE by Victoria Rivers Deadly Kisses—ISBN 0-9668209-2-4

VIGIL HOUSE by Jane Toombs Gothic Mansion—ISBN 1-929034-03-2

AUGUST 1999 SWP RELEASES

ANTHOLOGIES ————-—————————————-

MORNING STAR Edited by Lorraine Stephens MultiStar—ISBN 1-929034-01-6

Supports Prevention of Domestic Violence

EVENING STAR Edited by Lorraine Stephens MultiStar—ISBN 1-929034-02-4 Supports Prevention of Domestic Violence

VOICES Edited by Barbara Cummings MultiStar—ISBN 1-929034-00-8 Supports Literacy ————-—————————————-

BEST OF ALL by Janet Mills DreamStar—ISBN 1-929034-29-6

The Willow Glen Series Book I CARESSE; A LOVING TOUCH by Margaret B. Lawrence Deadly Kisses—ISBN 1-929034-09-1

DARK SALVATION

by Jennifer Dunne StarryNight—ISBN 1-929034-11-3

ESCAPE THE PAST by Gail McAbee MoonStar—ISBN 1-929034-18-0

FREE SPIRIT by JennaKay Francis MoonStar—ISBN 0-9668209-7-5

GOLD OF ISIS by Hugh Zachary BlazingStar—ISBN 1-929034-50-4

GROOM ON THE LAM by Gail Shelton DreamStar—ISBN 1-929034-28-8

KINGDOM BY THE SEA by Stephanie Marie Wilson Deadly Kisses—ISBN 1-929034-06-7

Children of the Rock Book I MOONS’ DREAMING by Susan Sizemore & Marguerite Krause MoonStar—ISBN 1-929034-19-9

OCTOBER 1999 SWP RELEASES

A BAND OF ANGELS by Bev Haynes StarryNight—ISBN 0-9668209-0-1

THE BRIDES OF OWL’S HEAD by Allison Knight Gothic Mansion—ISBN 1-929034-07-5

BUMPING INTO BUCHANAN by Sara V. Olds DreamStar—ISBN 1-929034-32-6

DÉJÀ VU by Kerri-Leigh Grady StarryNight—ISBN 1-929034-12-1

FLIGHT OF FANTASY

by Shauna Michaels Deadly Kisses—ISBN 1-929034-10-5

Children of the Rock Book II MOONS’ DANCING by Susan Sizemore & Marguerite Krause MoonStar—ISBN 1-929034-20-2

MUSK RAIN by Terri Branson StarryNight—ISBN 1-929034-13-X

STAND ON YOUR OWN by Christine Janssen Deadly Kisses—ISBN 1-929034-77-6

Sons Of Earth And Wind Book I TEARS OF THE HAWK by Barbara Clark StarryNight—ISBN 1-929034-14-8

TOGETHER AGAIN

by Ann Bachman DreamStar—ISBN 1-929034-76-8

WINDGATHERER by Zach Hughes StarFarer—ISBN 1-929034-33-4

DECEMBER 1999 SWP RELEASES

APOLOGY FOR THE DEVIL by Stewart Thomas MoonShadows—ISBN 1-929034-79-2

ARRES by Elaine Daly MoonStar—ISBN 1-929034-61-X

BRIDGE THROUGH THE MIST by Denise A. Agnew StarryNight—ISBN 1-929034-16-4

DOMINO by Victoria Rivers StarDust—ISBN 1-929034-25-3

FATAL VISION by Monette Michaels MoonShadows—ISBN 1-929034-52-0

GIDEON’S PRIDE by Celia Collier StarDust—ISBN 1-929034-22-9

LISTEN TO THE SHADOWS by Joan Hall Hovey MoonShadows—ISBN 1-929034-96-2

NO MOTIVE by Anne Marie Duquette Deadly Kisses—ISBN 1-929034-54-7

STALKING HORSE by Kathleen Clarey MoonShadows—ISBN 1-929034-78-4

SUNDANCE by Janet Mills StarDust—ISBN 1-929034-23-7

TARLETON’S WIFE by Blaire Bancroft StarDust—ISBN 1-929034-24-5

TICKET TO ROMANCE by Sandi Haddad DreamStar—ISBN 1-929034-31-8

WAIT THE MORNING LIGHT by Bonnie Drury Deadly Kisses—ISBN 1-929034-80-6

FEBRUARY 2000 SWP RELEASES

ACCIDENTAL BILLIONAIRE by Jean Reed Deadly Kisses—ISBN 1-929034-79-2

Sons Of Earth And Wind Book II A BREATH OF HEATHER by Barbara Clark StarryNight—ISBN 1-929034-95-4

Her Finest Hour Book I BRIGADIER by Sara V. Olds Only Yesterday—ISBN 1-929034-27-X

ECHOES OF DROWNING CREEK by Marilyn Kapp Only Yesterday—ISBN 1-929034-37-7

FROM THIS DAY FORWARD by Elise Ewing DreamStar—ISBN 1-929034-82-2

HAYLEY’S SONG by Wanda Horton StarSeeker—ISBN 1-929034-89-X

LYLA’S SONG by Kay Sisk DreamStar—ISBN 1-929034-17-2

MCCALLAN’S JUSTICE

by Vonda Wilson StarDust—ISBN 1-58697-004-6

The Willow Glen Series Book II MICHAEL; A GIFT OF TRUST by Margaret B. Lawrence Deadly Kisses—ISBN 1-929034-08-3

NISEI by Cheryl Bolen Only Yesterday—ISBN 1-58697-038-0

OUT OF THE BLUE by Jane Toombs Only Yesterday—ISBN 1-58697-013-5

THE PLAUSIBLE PRINCE by K.G. McAbee MoonStar—ISBN 1-929034-21-0

SECRETS OF THE HEART by Laureen Kwock StarSapphire—ISBN 1-929034-97-0

A SENSE OF DUTY by Joanie MacNeil DreamStar—ISBN 1-58697-094-1

THOSE FLANNIGAN BOYS by Bonnie Drury StarSeeker—ISBN 1-929034-85-7

UNWELCOME LEGACY by K.G. McAbee MoonStar—ISBN 1-929034-94-6

APRIL 2000 SWP RELEASES

AGAINST THE WIND by Lindsay Alexander Deadly Kisses—ISBN 1-58697-011-9

AT YOUR COMMAND by Christine Murphy MoonStar—ISBN 1-58697-019-0

BY KELTIC DESIGN

by Lizzie Starr MoonStar—ISBN 1-58697-060-7

DEATH BENEFITS by Monette Michaels MoonShadows—ISBN 1-58697-085-2

THE EARL’S COMEUPPANCE by Phylis Ann Warady StarSapphire—ISBN 1-58697-069-0

FOR LOVE OF LUCINE by Adelaide Ferguson StarSapphire—ISBN 1-58697-056-9

LOVE FROM THE ASHES by Denise Ann Agnew Only Yesterday—ISBN 1-929034-75-X

LOVER COME BACK by Adelaide Ferguson StarryNight—ISBN 1-58697-057-7

THE MERMAID AND THE EAGLE by Kay Sisk Deadly Kisses—ISBN 1-58697-006-2

MY HERO by Sara Elliot Deadly Kisses—ISBN 1-58697-080-1

THE NABOB’S BRIDE by Laureen Kwock StarSapphire—ISBN 1-58697-081-X

RELENTLESS SHADOW by Carolee Joy Deadly Kisses—ISBN 1-58697-088-7

RETURN OF THE GODDESS by JoEllen Conger MoonStar—ISBN 1-929034-39-3

THE SEDUCTIVE SCORPIONFISH by Kathleen Clarey Deadly Kisses—ISBN 1-58697-017-8

SHADOWS by Irene M. Pascoe Gothic Mansion—ISBN 1-58697-001-1

A VERY PROPER THIEF by Pat Harrison StarSapphire Regency—ISBN 1-58697-003-8

THE WEDDING GAME by Allison Knight DreamStar—ISBN 1-58697-105-0

Letters In The Attic Book I YOURS IN HASTE by Roberta Major & Sara V. Olds StarDust—ISBN 1-58697-107-7

JUNE 2000 SWP RELEASES

AASE’S DAUGHTER by Kate Saundby StarFarer—ISBN 1-58697-009-7

ALL THAT GLITTERS by Gini Wilson Deadly Kisses—ISBN 1-58697-012-7

ANOTHER LOVE By Barbara Edwards StarDust—ISBN 1-58697-058-5

BRIDE WANTED by Anne Kalen SunLight—ISBN 1-58697-105-0

DO WAH DIDDY … DIE by Pauline Jones SunLight—ISBN 1-929034-53-9

EARTH MAGIC by Paula Gorgas StarSeeker—ISBN 1-929034-91-1

GRACE’S PRIVATE SANCTUARY by Virginia DeMasi MoonShadows—ISBN 1-58697-073-9

The Guardians of Glede Book I THE TRISKELION by JennaKay Francis MoonStar—ISBN 1-58697-103-4

The Guardians of Glede Book II THE DARK PRINCE by JennaKay Francis MoonStar—ISBN 1-58697-065-8

The Guardians Of Glede Book III THE SORCERER’S POOL by JennaKay Francis MoonStar—ISBN 1-58697-097-6

HEIRS TO LOVE by Kathy Early StarryNight—ISBN 1-929034-72-5

HUSBAND FOR HIRE

by Michele Bardsley SunLight—ISBN 1-58697-023-2

LADY KILLER by Leigh Riker Hale Deadly Kisses—ISBN 1-58697-075-5

LIABILITY by N.C. Anderson Deadly Kisses—ISBN 1-58697-076-3

LOVE LIES by MaryJanice Davidson SunLight—ISBN 1-58697-077-1

Her Finest Hour Book II MISTLETOE by Sara V. Olds Only Yesterday—ISBN 1-58697-079-8

ONE RAINY NIGHT by Kathye Quick DreamStar—ISBN 1-58697-084-4

A RISK WORTH TAKING by Teresa Morgan DreamStar—ISBN 1-929034-55-5

SCANDAL’S DAUGHTER by Phylis Ann Warady StarSapphire—ISBN 1-58697-091-7

THE SPIRIT DOGS OF SIRIUS by Kate Saundby StarFarer—ISBN 1-58697-098-4

TO SAIL THROUGH TIME by Jayme Evans StarryNight—ISBN 1-929034-35-0

AUGUST 2000 SWP RELEASES

BROKEN DREAMS by K.G. McAbee Gothic Mansion—ISBN 1-929034-26-1

CAPTIVE HEARTS

by Shauna Michaels DreamStar—ISBN 1-58697-061-5

THE CHANCE YOU TAKE by Linda Bleser SunLight—ISBN 1-58697-111-5

The Sylvan Wars Saga Book II THE CHOOSING by PhyllisAnn Welsh MoonStar—ISBN 1-929034-74-1

A DOLEFUL KIND OF SINGING by KG. McAbee Gothic Mansion—ISBN 1-929034-26-1

ELF OF RESMOND by Adam Clark YoungStar Quest—ISBN 158697-163-8

FEATHER ON THE WIND by Catherine L. Snodgrass StarryNight—ISBN 1-58697-071-2

HEART OF STONE by Gail Shelton MoonStar—ISBN 1-58697-000-3

HOUSEWIFE FOR RENT by Michele R. Bardsley SunLight—ISBN 1-58697-024-0

NO GOOD WITHOUT YOU by Iris Leach MoonStar—ISBN 1-929034-74-1

OVERSTAR’S MAIL: IMPERIAL CHALLENGE by Roberta Gellis StarFarer—ISBN 1-58697-086-0

PENTANGLE by Susan Vaughan StarSeeker—ISBN 1-929034-108-5

PRIVACY by Gini Wilson

MoonShadows—ISBN 1-58697-185-9

RAGE TO LOVE by Marian Jones DreamStar—ISBN 1-929034-050-X

THE RIDE OF HER LIFE by Ann Marie Duquette Deadly Kisses—ISBN 1-929034-56-3

THE SECRETS OF HANSON HALL by Allison Knight Gothic Mansion—ISBN 1-58697-109-3

THE SOMETIME BRIDE by Blair Bancroft StarSapphire—ISBN 1-58697-096-8

STERLING PROMISES by Deanna Padilla StarDust—ISBN 1-929034-83-0

THE SWEETEST GIFT

by Janet Mills StarDust—ISBN 1-58697-007-0

‘TIL DEATH AND BEYOND by Hannah Rowan StarryNight—ISBN 1-58697-101-8

A WILL OF HER OWN by K.G. McAbee StarSapphire—ISBN 1-58697-008-9

OCTOBER 2000 SWP RELEASES

THE BOOZYGODS by Mark Von Zierneberg StarryNight—ISBN 1-58697-045-3

BOUND by Roberta Olsen Major StarDust—ISBN 1-58697-110-7

BRIDE IN TRAINING by Michele Bardsley SunLight—ISBN 1-58697-164-6

CARELESS WHISPER by Carolee Joy MoonShadows—ISBN 1-58697-062-3

CONNOR’S BACK by Tina Estep Deadly Kisses—ISBN 1-58697-022-4

DEATH BY CHOCOLATE by Sally Steward Deadly Kisses—ISBN 1-58697-162-X

DREAMTIME by Paula Gorgas StarFarer—ISBN 1-929034-34-2

HANNE’S FAREWILL TO JUAREZ by Sara V. Olds StarRider—ISBN 1-58697-113-1

THE KEEPER by Melissa Ford Luken StarSeeker—ISBN 1-58697-048-4

KIVA FIRE by Jamie Winn Deadly Kisses—ISBN 1-58697-128-X

THE MYSTERY OF THE MISSING MINIATURE BOOKS by Gay Toltl Kinman StarRider—ISBN 1-58697-155-7

THE PARSON’S DAUGHTER by Sharon Watson StarSapphire—ISBN 1-58697-087-9

PRAIRIE FIRE by Terri Branson StarDust—ISBN 1-58697-132-8

THE RELUCTANT WITCH by Susan Grace StarFarer—ISBN 1-58697-089-5

ROARY O’ROURKE AND THE QUEST FOR THE SECRET OF BRAMBLE CASTLE by Joanna Hollier

StarRider—ISBN 1-58697-236-7

THE SABINE CONNECTION by Jean Adams DreamStar—ISBN 1-58697-158-1

SILENCE KNIGHT by Tina Estep Deadly Kisses—ISBN 1-58697-044-5

Sons Of Earth And Wind Book III A TOUCH OF FIRE by Barbara Clark StarryNight—ISBN 1-58697-102-6

WHERE’S MICHELLE by Chris Grover Deadly Kisses—ISBN 1-58697-124-7

DECEMBER 2000 SWP RELEASES

ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS by Denise A. Agnew

DreamStar—ISBN 1-58697-184-0

ANNIE'S HEART by Barbara Edwards StarDust—ISBN 1-58697-131-X

BLAKE'S PROMISE by Mary Morgan Deadly Kisses—ISBN 1-58697-239-1

THE CRYSTAL THRONE by Kathy Sullivan MoonStar—ISBN 1-58697-047-X

DEATH AWAITS by Beverley Bateman Deadly Kisses—ISBN 1-58697-146-8

ENCHANTED COTTAGE by Linda Bleser StarryNight—ISBN 1-58697-070-4

FIRST LOVE, LAST LOVE

by Chris Grover StarDust—ISBN 1-58697-214-6

The Guardians of Glede ————-—————————————-

Book IV THE DRAGONS OF MERE ODAIN by JennaKay Frances MoonStar—ISBN 1-58697-067-4

Book V DRAGONMASTER by JennaKay Frances MoonStar—ISBN 1-58697-066-6

Book VI FOR THE LOVE OF DRAGONS by JennaKay Frances MoonStar—ISBN 1-58697-072-0 ————-—————————————-

ILLUSIONS by Gini Wilson MoonShadows—ISBN 1-58697-129-8

LOVE AND THE METRO MAN by Rosa Turner Knapp SunLight—ISBN 1-58697-148-4

MASQUERADE by Cynthia Scott Deadly Kisses—ISBN 1-58697-133-6

A MATER OF DESTINY by Bonnie Drury DreamStar—ISBN 1-929034-86-5

PHYSICAL EVIDENCE by Sandi Haddad MoonShadows—ISBN 1-58697-143-3

A RISK WORTH TAKING by Teresa Morgan DreamStar—ISBN 1-929034-55-5

SATIN AND STEEL by Teresa Morgan

Deadly Kisses—ISBN 1-58697-090-9

SHADOWS OF THE ECLIPSE by Bonnie Napoli StarryNight—ISBN 1-58697-168-9

THE VIVANDIERE by Sandra J. Dugas StarDust—ISBN 1-58697-125-5

WILD NATURE by Christine Janssen Deadly Kisses—ISBN 1-58697-115-8