A Fluffy Tale

A FLUFFY TALE By Ann Somerville

Chapter 1 A shrilling three inches from his ear had Julian upright and awake in under a second, but though his eyes were open, he couldn’t see. Once upon a time, he’d thought he’d gone blind in his sleep. Now he knew better. “Pyon!” Instantly his vision cleared as his kem jumped off his head. He looked down, just in time to see Pyon’s tail disappear inside his chest. Julian sighed. If Pyon would stick around after he messed up, then Julian could explain the problem. But no, he always ran away and by the time he showed up again, his kem had forgotten the problem and Julian’s scolding had no impact. No one else had this much problem with their kem. At least, they said they didn’t. He yawned and climbed out of bed, scratching his stomach. The clothes on the bedroom floor were scattered about as if Pyon had been playing again. Julian really wished his kem would leave his stuff alone. He grabbed clean underwear and a shirt from the laundry pile—another day for keeping the jacket on, and he really had to make time for the ironing this weekend—and dove into the bathroom. Pyon reappeared just in time to make Julian nearly spill coffee on himself as he collected his usual breakfast danish from the bakery on the way to the bus stop. “Damn it! Pyon, don’t do that!” Pyon jumped back inside again, but immediately stuck his head out again through Julian’s chest, green eyes bright and innocent. A complete lie, of course. Julian looked down at his kem and shook his head, shaking his hand clean of the spilled drops of coffee. “You’re going to land me in hospital, you know that.” Pyon gave a sad little meep and disappeared. Julian walked out of the bakery, sipped some of his coffee to lower the level, took two huge bites of his Danish, and then looked up the road. Crap! The bus was already heading down the road to the stop. He ran for it, tossing the coffee and shoving the Danish into his jacket pocket. “Wait!” He just managed to squeeze on at the end of the queue and spent the twenty minute journey with a strange woman’s ginger kem staring at him the entire way, her face almost in his, curious eyes watching him unblinkingly. Pyon didn’t rematerialise, for which Julian was grateful. He’d had to write a letter of apology to the transport company the last time his kem got playful and ran amok on a crowded bus. It wasn’t like he

could stop Pyon, but he felt bad about that man’s arm. They should have been more careful about the way the doors opened, but still.... He arrived at the office exactly on time, and heaved a sigh of relief as he slid past reception and the hawkish gazes of Carol and her sleek silvery kem. Pyon popped his head out, all round-eyed and enquiring as soon as they were clear. “Now don’t start messing around,” Julian warned. “You’ve got me in enough trouble this week.” His kem chirped, materialised fully on Julian’s shoulder, and then ran off down the corridor, long tail bouncing cheerfully as he loped along, planning mischief. Julian shouted after him but only for form’s sake. His kem never did a damn thing he told him to. At least it meant he could pick up another coffee and finish his breakfast in peace as he read the morning’s emails. Julian worked on the most urgent files, and handed them back to the paralegals who’d assigned them. The office buzzed with the quiet noises of keyboards and conversations, everyone too busy to chat idly until they’d cleared the backlog. An hour later, Pyon appeared, looking for cuddles, his nose twitching. Julian never believed those innocent eyes, but no one had called his desk to complain about his truant kem making a nuisance, so perhaps Pyon had only been socialising with the other office kems. He kept hoping Pyon would pick up some good habits from the others, but he never did. He yawned his way through the more boring tasks, filing and preparing pro forma documents on autopilot. Pyon spent the time as he usually did, sometimes curled up on the pile of papers in the in-tray, or walking over the desk, occasionally running off with an excited chirp as he spotted a friend across the office. Everyone was used to him, though that didn’t stop the grumbling when Pyon’s excitable nature got the better of him again. After each little excursion, he always came back for a petting, and then he’d dematerialise for a few minutes. Recharging for more naughtiness, Julian’s Mum used to say—about the pair of them. It was Gillian from Probate’s sixtieth birthday so they had cake for morning tea, and a little gift presentation. Julian always liked birthdays in the office because the local cake shop did smashing fruit and chocolate cakes, and the office broke out the good coffee as well. It seemed like everyone was there this morning—no one off sick or on leave—but the cake was big and Julian got a nice big slice with lots of lovely icing. He was starving as usual—it always seemed an age until lunch time. Gillian blushed and got very emotional about the present. She’d be retiring soon and this was her last birthday in the office, so people had pushed the boat out for her. She made a little speech, people applauded heartily, and as the clapping died down, Julian looked across the crowd of co-workers. He blinked at what he saw. “Who’s that?” he whispered to Liz, pointing discreetly to the handsome stranger standing next to a gaggle of paralegals and looking distinctly bored by the proceedings. The guy was tall—taller than any of the other men in the room—with sleek, black hair and strong, aristocratic features. He looked like a high-priced male model, and the last Julian had heard, Clarke, Saxony and Markham weren't hiring any of those. “Oooh, he’s the new solicitor. Zachary Ledbetter. Disputes—they say he’s really sharp. Picky too.” She nudged him. “Good thing you’re not in his section.” “Piss off,” he muttered, looking his fill at the astonishingly good-looking Mr Ledbetter before the man caught him at it.

Suddenly Pyon, who for once had been behaving pretty well and spending the party playing with a ball of paper someone had tossed down for him to keep him out of trouble, chirped and bolted across the room— straight towards at Zachary Ledbetter. “Pyon, no!” Julian yelled as quietly as he could, but Pyon paid no attention. Julian grinned painfully and sidled over, hoping that Pyon was just distracted by someone’s kem or a new possible toy. But luck wasn’t with him because Pyon bounced off Ledbetter’s feet, squeaked with delight and then scrambled up the man’s leg with his usual hyperactive speed. Startled, Ledbetter spilled coffee all over himself, just as Julian reached him. “Pyon! I'm sorry, let me wipe that up for you. Pyon, naughty!” Pyon meeped and disappeared. Typical. As Julian dabbed ineffectually with a serviette at the soiled and expensive trousers, he looked up and found he was being stared at by two pairs of eyes—one cold, green and human, and the other, the golden gaze of the biggest kem he’d ever seen. He was gorgeous—and so was his host. “Um...I'm really sorry. I have no idea why he’s so badly behaved.” The man stepped back, shook his foot and his hand, and then extracted an immaculate handkerchief to wipe his fingers, disdaining Julian’s efforts while keeping up his unfriendly gaze. “Don’t you? I do.” And with that snide remark, he turned and walked away, his tawny kem still seated firmly and regally across his shoulders like a luxurious scarf. Julian’s face burned hot with embarrassment—and then anger when he realised how rude the man had been. The paralegals were staring at him. He got to his feet. “Pyon again,” he said with a sickly smile. “You’ve blown it now, Julian,” Edward, one of the assistants in Debt, said. “That’s your chance of moving up a grade gone for a while.” “Piss off,” he said low enough for Edward’s malicious ears alone. “It wasn’t me, it was him.” “Always is. Still, you certainly made an impression.” Then he sniggered like a schoolboy, grimy creep that he was. Julian wondered why his troublemaking kem couldn’t have made this smirking rat spill coffee all over himself instead of Tall Dark and Snotty. Edward deserved coffee-stained trousers, and more. Morning tea was over by then. Julian snagged a second piece of cake to take back to his desk, but he felt too gloomy to do more than pick at it. What did that bastard mean by that comment? What did he ‘know’? They’d never met before—Julian hadn’t even seen him in the office. Supercilious damn solicitors.

He groused and grumbled his way through to lunch, and took himself bad-temperedly to the building’s shared canteen. He half-hoped he might see Ledbetter, but at the same time, the humiliation was so recent and painful, he didn’t know if he’d have done more than stutter at him. Pyon popped in and out but Julian was too distracted and cranky to do more than admonish him half-heartedly. Anger gave way to depression as he realised Edward’s catty remarks were probably true. Julian had been looking for promotion and changing sections was part of that. Now Disputes was closed to him, most likely— he might even end up with a formal warning, depending on how mean the guy was. People weren’t usually blamed for their kems’ behaviour but Pyon was just such a damn pest. Cute but a nuisance. And naturally, just as Julian thought that, his nuisance reappeared and sat in front of him, head tilted and his mouth open, showing his perfect pink tongue. Julian couldn’t resist scratching him under the jaw, which made Pyon purr and snuggle. “Why do you have to be so naughty, hmmm? You’re sweet when you’re like this, but then you go off and ruin my life.” No reply except a sad little squeak. Julian patted Pyon’s head. “Okay, enough of that.” he said, shoving Pyon gently away. “I guess I’ll need to work harder if I want that promotion.” The afternoon dragged and his depression over the stupid coffee trouser thing didn’t really lift. It didn’t help that Edward seemed to be always there, smirking knowingly whenever Julian had to make a photocopy or fetch a file. It made him want to ask if the man had any work to do, but Edward was well in with the partners, untouchable, and able to get away with just about anything. His kem was actually really sweet and wellbehaved, far too nice for someone like Edward. But no one chose their kems and kems couldn’t choose their hosts, so Lilbi was stuck with Edward just as Julian was stuck with Pyon. It wasn’t fair. He got off the bus one stop early so he could pick up groceries. He was out of cheese and bread, and he figured he may as well pick up something for supper too. Shopping had to be thought about, since the supermarket sent Pyon crazy with delight. Julian had tried doing big shops less often, but that just given Pyon more chance to run riot, and Julian had now been banned from two supermarkets as a result. So now he just did quick runs at a store near the apartment, grabbing things as fast as he could, and apologising if necessary when he paid. So far it had sort of worked, but it was a damn nuisance having to shop every second day or so. He liked the little store though, with its cool, shady interior and high-piled stock, the scents of spices and weird vegetables not exactly tempting but now familiar. One good thing about his regular visits, was that the shopkeeper now knew him well and was indulgent of Pyon madly dashing around as if he hadn’t seen the place at least a couple of hundred times or more. The man smiled at him as Julian rushed in, and his kem chirped in delight to see Pyon, who immediately jumped off Julian’s shoulder and rushed over to lick and cuddle his friend. Julian hoped that would keep the little brat out of mischief long enough for him to grab the essentials. He raced around, knowing where everything was by now, dumping it all in his basket and hoping to get out of here in under five minutes, which was as long as Pyon could usually behave himself for. He ran around the end of a display, and nearly collided with someone. “Oh, sorry—” He stared at the man he’d nearly knocked over. “You!” “Excuse me,” Zachary Ledbetter said as he made to move past Julian, his cold expression unchanged from the morning. The big kem sat on his shoulders again, his tail flicking lazily as if he was utterly bored by Julian’s presence.

“No...wait! Please...um.... Look, this morning...I'm really sorry about your trousers....” “I don’t wish to talk about my clothing, thank you. Will you excuse me?” “Yes...no, wait!” Ledbetter’s eyes narrowed. “Are you always this impertinent?” “Are you always this damn rude?” All the resentment he’d bottled up over the day came spilling out. “What the hell did you mean by that crack this morning?” “I have no idea—” “That, that... ‘I do’ crap. About Pyon. What did you mean?” Ledbetter’s upper lip curled in a sneer and he started to walk away. Without thinking, Julian grabbed his arm, and the man, probably as startled at a mere assistant grabbing a solicitor in this manner, actually stopped. “Why won’t you tell me? Pyon’s a bloody nuisance - if you know how to make him behave....” Julian stopped as Ledbetter drew himself up to his considerable height, and his kem’s fur started to bristle. “Make your kem behave? Make him do anything? You have one of the most beautiful gifts known to mankind and you call him a ‘bloody nuisance’? You make me sick—you’re the nuisance. It’s you who doesn’t know how to behave. I pity your poor little fellow, having to put up with you. I wish there was some way of taking him away from you, but since there isn’t....” He sneered again, his green eyes narrowed icily. “You complain of his discipline? Look at you - you’re dirty, rumpled, dashing about like a lunatic, paying no attention to him...you don’t know where he is, do you?” “He’s with the shop—” “He’s behind you, terrified. And your kem is sick. Sick because you’ve made him sick.” Julian whirled—and yes, there was Pyon, sitting on a display of cans, head tilted and looking rather wary. At least he wasn’t causing a problem. “He’s not sick.” “Yes he is.” Julian felt Pyon dive inside him again, and Ledbetter pointed at his chest. “And there’s the proof. How many times a day does he do that?” “I don’t know, maybe fifty—“ “Fifty? And do you know why?” Julian frowned. “It’s what kems do. They need nourishment or something.” “Or something, yes. Your kem is starving, and you’re feeding him junk.” Ledbetter grabbed Julian’s shopping basket off him. “Look at this rubbish. Biscuits, processed cheese, white bread...and you have dark circles under your eyes so you don’t sleep sufficiently, your skin is spotty and your physique flabby. When did you last eat a piece of fruit or take any exercise? This month? This year? Dreadful. Your kem can only be as healthy as you are. Pyon has to keep topping up because you give him so little to nourish him. His fur is poor, and his

behaviour results from both bad diet and your disgusting attitude. I’ve seen you twice for less than five minutes at a time and most of that you’ve spent shouting at the poor creature. Do you have any idea how much that hurts them?” He shoved the basket back at Julian. His beautiful kem gave his host’s face a lick and Ledbetter reached up and stroked the kem’s tail with reverent gentleness. “You, sir, are unworthy of the honour of hosting a kem. If you had a spit of decency, you’d pull yourself together and give Pyon a long and happy life. Instead you’ll indulge yourself until you drop dead at forty of a heart attack, and take him with you. Now good—“ Pyon chose that moment to rematerialise—and leap across to Ledbetter’s arm. He scrambled up until he suddenly saw Ledbetter’s kem—he scrambled down in panic. Julian had never seen him react like that to another kem before—was he afraid? He reached out to pick Pyon up, but then stopped because Ledbetter beat him to it. “Hey, Pyon,” the man said in a low, gentle voice as he cupped Pyon’s bottom. “You’re safe, little fellow. Linis won’t hurt you, you know that. Yes, that’s right. Let me have a look at you. May I?” Julian blinked at Ledbetter being so polite and formal with his kem, but the man ignored him, carefully lifting Pyon up. “Aren’t you handsome,” Ledbetter crooned, still keeping his voice very quiet, while Pyon gazed back adoringly. Ledbetter’s entire demeanour, his expression, had softened and became solicitous, kind—almost like a completely new person. He scratched behind Pyon’s ears and stroked the kem down his black-furred back and tail with one long sweep of his big hand. Pyon began to trill as he hardly ever did with Julian—and here he was, cuddling a complete stranger. “Thank you, he’s mine,” Julian snapped, unaccountably jealous. “Pyon!” Pyon jumped, startled, and dematerialised instantly. Julian’s hand tightened around the basket handle as he glared at Ledbetter. “Okay, you’ve said your piece.” He didn’t trust himself to say another word, so he turned on his heel and walked off. He paid for the food and managed to scrape up enough politeness to nod at the shopkeeper, but then he stomped out, furious and even more humiliated than he’d felt that morning. He’d come that close to punching that man and he hadn’t felt like that since school! Unworthy of Pyon? Who the hell did he think he was! The bus came almost at once and five minutes later he was letting himself in through his front door. As he tossed the food into the fridge, too angry to be hungry, Pyon appeared and sat on the countertop, looking expectant. “See what you’ve done?” Julian snarled. Pyon meeped and ran off—probably to make a little nest on the bed or with Julian’s clothes. Julian didn’t care. He flung himself onto his sofa and glared into space, his arms wrapped around himself. That pompous, supercilious, privileged prick! Pyon wasn’t ill, and neither was he! He turned on the TV but it held no interest for him. He couldn't think of anything but those hurtful, vicious words and the completely false accusation of.... ...cruelty.

Was he cruel? Everyone knew you couldn’t hurt a kem—they just dematerialised if they felt threatened. You didn’t have to feed them, they kind of absorbed what they needed from inside the host. Actually, no one knew much about them at all. Except Mr Perfect Hair And Trousers apparently. He heard a quiet chirp and turned. Pyon sat on the end of the sofa, again looking wary. “Oh come here, stupid, as if I’d hurt you.” Pyon squeaked and leapt into Julian’s arms, and Julian, for a few moments, just gave himself over to the pure pleasure of letting Pyon cuddle and lick him. He’d never do anything to hurt him—how could that bastard say that? But when he sat up a little and Pyon curled up on his lap while Julian stroked him, he had to admit there was a huge difference between Pyon and Ledbetter’s kem—Linis, that was his name. Pyon and Linis. Pyon was small and scruffy and hyperactive. Linis was huge and sleek and apparently perpetually calm, even when his host was upset. Kems were all different with different personalities. Everyone knew that. But Pyon’s fur did look rather...limp. And thin. Julian didn’t usually pay any attention to that because his kem was usually rushing around like a mad thing. But Julian wasn’t sick, so why was his kem? Pyon made an enquiring little chirp and then dematerialised without the slightest warning. Was he hungry? Was Ledbetter right and Pyon needed more food—better food? But they didn’t eat. He stood up and went to the fridge. That remark about the fruit had really stung because it was true—he didn’t like fruit or veg much, and tended not to buy it because it went off. His parents—his Mum, particularly—had always insisted on vegetables at supper and there was always fruit in their house. Julian just didn’t bother when it was him alone. But maybe he needed to. He looked at his watch—yes, he had time if he used the tiny corner shop at the other end of the block. Half an hour later, he looked at the wildly expensive packed salad and the even more expensive piece of steak he’d managed to get from the deli he’d never used, a few doors down. “You better appreciate this, Pyon,” he said, grimacing as he picked up a bit of green stuff. Yuck.

He didn’t have time for anything but his usual coffee and Danish before work, but he’d gone to bed early and slept a full nine hours. Pyon looked just the same but maybe he was a tiny bit less hysterical. He came back to Julian’s desk sooner than usual at least. It was hard to concentrate on him completely because Edward was slinking back and forth at intervals, and Julian kept tensing for another remark. He also wondered if Ledbetter would say something to the managers about Julian’s rudeness in the supermarket—he’d stepped over the line, he knew that and if Ledbetter complained, he’d have every right to. But Edward kept his mouth shut, and Ledbetter didn’t appear. Pyon got up to no more than his usual nonsense and didn’t make anyone spill or ruin anything, so there were no frustrated telephone calls about his kem. In fact, it was an almost peaceful morning, though Julian was glad when one o’clock came around and he could get some lunch. He’d planned to go out and find something healthy, but it was raining and he lost the impetus. At least he didn’t expect to run into anyone difficult at the work canteen.

But once again he was out of luck because he spotted Ledbetter eating on his own—which was rather odd, since he was so senior in the office—in the corner of the canteen. Julian had three choices—head out for lunch, or eat in and ignore the man. Or he could do what he actually did, to his own surprise, which was to take his tray and head straight over to Ledbetter’s table. At least he got the small satisfaction of taking the man completely by surprise. “I want to talk to you.” “I'm eating my lunch.” Linis stared up at Julian with huge golden eyes that seemed to read his soul. Linis’ host was already busy looking back down at his meal, Julian dismissed from his attention and his thoughts. Julian sat down and won a dark scowl. “Yes, I can see that.” Pyon appeared just then and once again, Ledbetter’s stern expression softened. “Hello, Pyon.” He reached out and petted him as Pyon skirted warily around Linis, almost on tiptoe with nervousness. The bigger kem didn’t move or react, just regarding Pyon with those big eyes and thinking his own kemmish thoughts. Ledbetter glared at Julian. “I don’t want company.” “Too bad. You like my kem, I come with him. I need to talk to you.” Ledbetter ignored him and concentrated on his chicken salad, still petting and stroking Pyon who adored the attention. Julian could feel Ledbetter’s hostility, and yet he received these vague sensations of pleasure from the constant physical stimulation given to Pyon. It was confusing and irritating in the extreme, and didn’t make him any more diplomatic in his approach. “I want your help,” he said. The man didn’t look at him as he answered. “Whatever it is, I'm not interested.” “It’s about Pyon.” Ledbetter looked up, his eyes unfriendly. “If you’re about to utter more nonsense about making him behave, I swear, I'm going to put a complaint in about you.” “I'm not! I want your help to...to help him. About what you said. My diet and stuff. I...I want to do the right thing—I ate a salad last night!” Then he flushed hot. He sounded so childish. Even Ledbetter was mildly amused. “And yet you lived. How brave.” “But I don’t know what’s the right thing for him! And how do you know this stuff?” “I pay attention to Linis and all kems, which most people don’t bother about. If you listen, you learn. I doubt you have much experience at the technique.” “God, you’re such a...such a....” Julian growled in frustration and Pyon squeaked in alarm. He hastily stroked his kem’s tail. “It’s not you, dummy.”

“Don’t call him that!” Pyon squeaked again and ran up Julian’s arm. Julian shushed him gently and then glared at Lebetter. “Now who’s shouting and frightening him? It’s just an affectionate nickname.” “So you like being called a dummy, do you? Is that your name? Mr Dummy?” “It’s Julian and no, but a kem doesn’t understand the words.” Ledbetter made a disgusted ‘tch’. “You have no idea how much more they understand—and more than that, they know your heart.” “Then he knows I don’t mean anything by it. You’re not helping him by abusing me. I just want to know what I should be eating.” He shoved his tray across the table towards the man. “How does this look?” Ledbetter glanced at it. “Sugar, sugar, fat, salt, flour, oh and look, more sugar and salt.” He poked with his fork at the chicken bun on the plate. “There might be some decent protein in there but I doubt it. If you want to die young, by all means, keep eating that.” “Will you stop with the dying young thing? Why do you care anyway?” “I don’t. I care about Pyon. All you care about is your massive and badly nourished ego. You want to know how to eat correctly? Look it up, I'm not an encyclopaedia.” He went to stand and Julian’s cheeks burned in humiliation again. “You’re a hypocrite, though. If you cared for Pyon, you’d help. You’re the one with the massive ego. You just want to put me down and swan off, so sure you’re perfect in every way. Pyon and I can get stuffed so far as you’re concerned.” Ledbetter’s long jaw worked and then he sat down again, glaring at Julian. “Are you serious or are you just trying to prove a point?” “I'm serious. I...I don’t want to hurt him. I love him.” Pyon twined his tail around Julian’s arm and then stared up at him with his pretty green eyes. Julian realised it was true—he did love Pyon. He just...didn’t know the first thing about how to look after him. “And I don’t want him to die young either. So help me or shut up.” Linis stood up and stalked slowly over to Ledbetter so he could lean up against his chest and be cuddled. The look of serenity that came over Ledbetter’s face was so strange—so beautiful, in a way. Julian suspected that no one and nothing in the world was as important to Ledbetter as Linis, which was completely freaky. He didn’t know anyone this involved with their kem at all. On the other hand, Linis was very well-behaved and Ledbetter was a successful lawyer in perfect control of himself, so whatever he was doing, worked. “Will you help?” Julian asked, somewhat more politely. “Depends on how hard you want to work. It’s not just diet. You have to give full attention to your health and to Pyon. You can’t even organise yourself to do your ironing.”

Julian hastily pulled his jacket closed—he’d meant to do his ironing, he really had, but he’d been busy thinking about Pyon.... “I'm so tired when I get home from work, that’s all.” “Yes. Because you eat rubbish, never exercise, don’t sleep enough and your leisure time is spent, what— watching TV? Playing on the computer? I bet it’s not spent with Pyon.” “He plays on his own.” “Yes, but he’d rather play with you.” Ledbetter sighed, and for the first time, almost looked human. “You don’t understand. No one does. Kems love their hosts. No other company is superior.” He looked down at Linis and a small smile crept onto his lips. “And no other company is superior to them.” He bent down and nuzzled the top of Linis’ tawny head. “They’re the perfect companion, and you’re all Pyon needs—or would be if you let it.” “You make it sound like you don’t need other people in your life.” “I don’t.” The coldness was back. “This isn’t about me. This is about you. Will you commit to working or not? I don’t have time to waste if you won’t.” “I will. I want to do whatever it takes.” “Then dispose of that trash, and fetch yourself water, a chicken salad and a wholemeal roll. No coffee, no butter. A big glass of water. Pyon will wait for you.” Though stung more than a little by the haughty tone, Julian did exactly as ordered. When he returned and sat down, he opened his mouth to ask another question, but Ledbetter stopped him. “No. Eat. Concentrate on that task alone. Enjoy the food, and then let Pyon enjoy it. Take your time—you have an hour. Use it.” It was the strangest and most uncomfortable meal Julian had ever had, trying to concentrate on his food while three pairs of eyes watched him. He wouldn’t have thought eating a simple chicken salad—which wasn’t too bad, really, even with the vegetables—would have been so hard. His fingers seemed to have forgotten how to hold a fork, or how to break open a breadroll without making a mess. Ledbetter said nothing as he watched, stroking Linis and Pyon with the same careful attention as he’d shown to them before. At last the damn food had gone. “Happy?” Julian asked as he put his fork down. “It’s nothing to do with me...ah, see? He was hungry,” Ledbetter said when Pyon suddenly jumped up and into Julian’s chest. “And I bet he’ll stay out longer this time.” “What does how I eat have to do with Pyon?” Julian was sure this guy was making fun of him. Ledbetter regarded him coolly. “You wolf down your food and never taste it, so of course you don’t really enjoy it. You choose food that is easy and simple in flavour, which is digested too quickly and which leaves you hungry a short time later. Kems need the same things which make a person healthy—good quality protein, vegetables, complex carbohydrates, monosaturate fat—and water,” he said, pushing Julian’s glass at him. “And knock off the coffee—it’s very bad for you and for him.”

“I get headaches without it!” “You get headaches because you’re addicted to the caffeine. It’s doing you no good, and not even keeping you awake. If you can’t cut it out immediately, cut down, and on the weekend, quit completely. Switch to tea, if you must. Kems are very sensitive to certain drugs and caffeine is one of the worst.” “Okay,” Julian agreed reluctantly. It made sense—but he did love his coffee. “So I eat right and Pyon will be better?” “It’s a start, but it’s not enough. You need a full eight hours’ sleep each night, and you need to exercise.” “I don’t have time,” Julian said. “And gym memberships cost—” Ledbetter made the ‘tch’ sound again. “How far do you live from work?” “Uh...about two miles. I catch a bus.” “Yes, which takes you about twenty minutes. Walk—it’ll take you very little longer. When you toughen up a bit you can start running.” “Running! I’ve never done it—well, at school, but I was really crap—“ Ledbetter stood up quite suddenly. Linis leapt up onto his shoulders to stare down as disdainfully as his host. “You said you wanted to work, yet every suggestion I’ve made, you’ve whined about. I don’t have time for this. I pity your kem deeply—but you’re a waste of oxygen. Good day.” Julian’s mouth, which had been hanging open, snapped shut as Ledbetter walked away, long back stiff and straight, Linis draped around his shoulders. “What the...?” He thought they’d been having a conversation, and then.... That guy had the social skills of a lizard. Damn it and he was late. He’d done nothing but be chewed out and eat a salad for a whole bloody hour. Pyon appeared at his desk while Julian distractedly checked what new files had arrived. He looked just the same—cheerful, scruffy and irresponsible. Adorable. Julian scratched under his chin and then picked him up. “Can I really help you, Pyon?” Pyon chirped and cuddled close. Julian rubbed his face on the top of Pyon’s soft-furred head and wondered if he could do this—with or without the arrogant Mr Ledbetter’s help. He just had no idea where to start. He had to get healthy. A health food store? There was one not far from the office, so he dropped in there after work. That turned out to be one of his less clever ideas—not only did Pyon go berserk (after being unusually quiet that afternoon, which had lulled Julian into a false sense of security) but in between chasing after him and apologising furiously, Julian couldn’t find anything that looked like real food at all among the shelves and shelves of dried up, brown and unappealing things that he couldn't begin to name, or the jars and cans and cartons of mysterious, insanely expensive pills and powders making elaborate claims that frankly he found incredible. All the books were either about losing weight or becoming a muscleman. Not a single one was

about looking after kems—or just becoming a normal healthy person. Healthier, he told himself. He wasn’t sick. Pyon was, and that was enough. Thinking of Ledbetter’s scorn, he ignored the bus stop and began the long walk home—but quickly realised his office shoes were just not suitable for this. Damn it! He needed shoes, and good food, and a book on what to eat, or something! All of which meant going into the centre of town to the main shops—and Pyon was already up to mischief. Of course his kem reappeared just as he pondered all this. “Can’t you just...stay inside while I shop? Please?” Pyon chirped, licked his chin and then disappeared. Julian blinked. Was that all he had to do? Ask nicely? “Pyon?” His kem’s little head popped out of his chest, eyes alert, waiting for Julian to tell him what he wanted. “You’re a good boy, Pyon,” Julian said—for the first time in his life—and Pyon trilled with delight. Julian patted him. “Now, you stay in there while I sort this out. It’ll take about an hour.” And damned if Pyon didn’t actually seem to be listening. Why hadn’t it occurred to him to just ask before? The excursion took a bit more than an hour but at the end he had a new pair of trainers, a sack full of vegetables, fish and other expensive necessities, and a book on healthy eating. By then he was just too footsore to contemplate the walk back, so he read his book on the bus home, and almost missed his stop, he was so engrossed. Only as he put his key in the lock did he remember that Pyon was probably waiting for permission to come out again. “Pyon?’ His kem bounced out joyfully and leapt onto his shoulder so he could lick Julian’s ear and cuddle up to his hair. “Wow, you missed me. I'm sorry, little fella.” Ledbetter seemed to be right about that too—all Pyon really wanted from him was love and attention. And manners. Supper was grilled turkey, stir-fried vegetables and brown rice. He realised that he’d have to invest in more cooking utensils and probably some cookbooks too. The food sat well on his stomach, though, and Pyon was quiet and no more than pleasantly playful. Score another point to Ledbetter and his strange obsession with kems. Filled with good intentions, he spent the evening cleaning the apartment, did his laundry and ironing, and sorted out his food stores. Then he made a list of what he needed to buy when he went grocery shopping next. Pyon took a great interest in that, perhaps somehow working out it was to benefit him, sniffing at the list and even licking it at one point. “Hey, that’s not good nutrition. Paper’s not listed in the book!” Pyon chirped, walked over on top of the list and then lay down on his back, paws wagging. “I see—that’s a hint, is it?” Julian ruffled Pyon’s tummy fur and grinned at the inane look of pleasure on his kem’s face. He couldn’t remember the last time Pyon had felt like such good company. Was this all it took? Some attention, some decent food? All these years of complaining about his annoying kem and the answer was this simple?

He looked up more information about diet and food on line and then at ten took himself firmly to bed. Pyon curled up on his head but Julian didn’t complain this time. It felt kind of nice, actually. The walk to work in new shoes nearly killed him, especially as he’d foregone his breakfast coffee and had a vicious headache as a result. But Pyon loved it, popping out to run around and explore with little squeaks and chirps of pleasure, and Julian had to admit it made a pleasant change from staring down someone’s cleavage or at the spots on the back of their neck for twenty minutes. He’d overestimated the time it would take to make the trip so he arrived ten minutes early—the first time ever—and Carole looked about ready to faint with shock as Julian walked in. “Coming in early to fix up a mess?” “No, I just felt like walking,” Julian said airily, giving her a grin and sauntering casually down the hall. Pyon sat sedately on his shoulder the whole time, though he ran off as soon as Julian got to his desk. There Julian could take the new trainers off and massage his aching feet. He was supposed to walk home too—it’d kill him. But he felt good—sweaty, but good. The headache was pretty fierce, though. He reached for his desk drawer where he kept the aspirin, but then stopped—Ledbetter had said kems were sensitive to drugs. Was aspirin one of them? He wished he could just email the sod and ask him but he’d rather gnaw his arm off at the elbow than face that man again. He shut the drawer and squinted against the headache as best he could. Being healthy took a lot of work. He had to think about eating, instead of just grabbing stuff. He had to make time to do more shopping, and go to more places than the one store he’d been using. He had to spend more time cooking, and then cleaning up instead of just throwing containers away. And the walking was tough at first, though after ten days, he found it a lot easier. But the change in Pyon was nothing short of a miracle— people in the office started to notice after the third day. A week later, and Julian could see the change in Pyon’s fur as well as his behaviour. It made him so ashamed that he’d let his kem suffer all these years for the want of so little, but Pyon didn’t hold a grudge, or care. He was happy and healthy and that made Julian ridiculously happy too. He’d seen Ledbetter at a distance a couple of times, but always made himself scarce, memories of that icy flaying far too fresh for him to want to invite a repeat. He hadn’t seen him again in the canteen—perhaps Ledbetter was avoiding him too, or maybe it had just been a one off, since the senior staff didn’t eat there much. Whatever the reason, Julian was glad not to have had another bruising encounter with the man. Julian promised himself over this weekend, he would look into buying a set of weights, and maybe even a gym membership, though he didn’t like the idea much. The problem was, he’d never been particularly sporty, and neither were his friends, most of whom were computer nerds and gamers. Julian didn’t really have a competitive bone in his body. All he’d ever wanted was an easy life. He was saving to travel and that was his long-term goal, but right now, he just wanted to work and live without any hassle. His mother fretted about him getting married. Telling her he was gay would lead to hassle, so he hadn’t. Fortunately, he only saw them every couple of months, and his brother was getting married at the end of the year, so that took the attention off him. With any luck, he’d have saved enough to travel before he had to have another uncomfortable conversation about the girlfriends he didn’t have. The canteen was a bit of a challenge food-wise, but going out at lunchtime meant jostling with hundreds of other workers for the few takeaways around the office and the food wasn’t worth the effort. But by now he had it worked out, and his lunch was as healthy as he could reasonably make it. Pyon perched on his shoulder

and peered over to supervise Julian selecting low fat milk, a salad without too much dressing, chicken breast, wholegrain bread, and a tangerine. Adding fruit was something he still had to think about, but he’d rediscovered his childhood love of oranges and bananas, and he’d already noticed how much Pyon seemed to appreciate the change in his diet. He knew when he’d got it right because Pyon would sit at his desk after lunch, trilling quietly for hours and hours, letting Julian pet him, and never running off or dematerialising. Every day it seemed, someone had to stop and do a double-take at the sight of the former pest, behaving so politely. Edward had made a bitchy remark about drugs, but had walked off when Julian sweetly asked if that was his secret too. Bastard. He’d timed the meal to miss the first lunchtime rush, but it was still busy, and noisy with the crash of cutlery against china, and people raising the voices to be heard against the din. He paid and took his tray, looking around for a place...oh. Ledbetter was there in the corner again. Alone, again. Pyon meeped quietly in Julian’s ear, and that made him decide to face the music. If nothing else, he owed Ledbetter for Pyon’s improvement and if the guy told him to buzz off, then...well, he’d have done the honourable thing. Feeling morally superior and fit would be great. Ledbetter jerked up as Julian sat down—he hadn’t noticed him approach at all. “Excuse me,” he said coldly, going to stand. “Forty-three,” Julian said quickly. “I beg your pardon?” “Forty-three. Miles. That’s how many I’ve walked since I saw you last.” Ledbetter looked completely bewildered, his anger swamped by confusion. “What are you talking about?” “Walking. You said, eat better, walk more, sleep more. Well, I did. And now look at him. Pyon? Come out, let him look at you.” Pyon, who’d ducked up behind Julian’s neck as soon as he’d spotted Linis, crept out onto his shoulder. “That’s it. Come down and let Zack look at you.” “My name is not ‘Zack’, thank you. Mr Ledbetter to the assistants, in any event.” But then his expression softened. “Oh, Pyon, you’re looking very fine. That’s it, come here.” He sat down and put his hand out, palm up, and Pyon walked down Julian’s arm and across the table. He meeped a little when he saw Linis staring, but Ledbetter crooned encouragement, and soon Pyon sat on his hand, trilling away as Ledbetter stroked his fur. “Hmmm, he does look somewhat better.” “And he’s much quieter.” “Well, of course. It’s not magic. So you just came over here to boast?”

Pyon sat up at Ledbetter’s changed tone and looked back over his shoulder at Julian. Julian put out his hand and his kem came back to him, looking for a cuddle which Julian readily gave him. “Sort of. “ Ledbetter snorted. “No, wait. I...you were right and I was rude. I wanted to show you I was prepared to work. I bought shoes and a wok and everything. I'm going to look for a gym tomorrow.” “Waste of time and money—it’s boring, Pyon will loathe it, and all you’ll do is put on muscle and look like an idiot. Running is the best thing. Kems love it—getting out in the fresh air, seeing new things. I'm sure it’s more effort than you’re prepared to go to, though.” “It’s not! I just...have no idea about how to do it. I just remember school and hating it...and....” He fell quiet, aware he was whining again. “If you think it’s best, I’ll do it. I can find a book, I suppose.” Ledbetter said nothing. “Okay, well...I thought you’d be pleased to see how Pyon was doing.” He stood up and picked up his tray—Pyon scrambled up his jacket and up onto his shoulder again. “Thanks for your help.” He turned, cheeks hot with embarrassment. He shouldn’t have bothered. Pyon licked his ear and squeaked softly. Julian balanced the tray on one hand and reached up with the other to pet his kem. “Don’t worry about it. How about we go for a really long walk somewhere tomorrow? I’ll catch a train out to the country park and we can get out in the sun. You’d like that.” Pyon squeaked again, more excitedly. “Julian?” He stopped, then turned. Zachary Ledbetter stood there, his hands clasped together. “If you’re serious, meet me in Twyford Park by the cattle statue at five am tomorrow.” “F-five?” Ledbetter’s expression turned stony. “Uh...it’s just—it’s still dark. Do I need a torch or anything?” “It’s not dark and no. Bring proper running shoes and a bottle of water and wear shorts. I won’t wait for you.” “Okay.” Ledbetter swept off, but Linis turned to watch the two of them with his unblinking golden eyes all the way until Ledbetter was lost from sight. Julian stood frozen until someone bumped him, then he hastily moved back to Ledbetter’s vacated table. Five in the morning? The man was crazy. And what were proper running shoes? Did his trainers count? Apparently not, as a trip to the shoe store proved. Julian walked out richer for a pair of hi-tech running shoes and lighter by a lot more money than he’d expected to spend on any item of clothing. He had to spend more money at the sports clothing store as well, since he didn’t own shorts or sport socks or the headband and wrist bands the assistant assured him were essential, as was a strange waterbottle with handle he was apparently supposed to carry in his hand. He tried everything on at home and felt like a complete prat. Pyon thought the wrist bands were toys and played with them all evening, chasing them all over the floor. Julian didn’t have the heart to stop him. Tomorrow would be awful. And Ledbetter would laugh at him, no question about it. He really, really didn’t want to wake up, and Pyon didn’t appreciate it either, his plaintive high whine following Julian around as he stumbled about and got dressed in his new, ridiculous clothes. The park was only a quarter of a mile from his apartment—he walked as fast as he could, hoping to somehow miraculous become fit

enough to keep up with the sleek Mr Ledbetter, and also to warm up because it was damn chilly. And it was dark, although by the time he reached the park, dawn was just starting. The air smelled moist and leafy, and traffic noises didn’t sully the park’s quietness. Lovely, he had to admit. But getting up at this hour just to see it? Not worth it. Ledbetter was there by the statue, making a torturous looking movement with his body Julian really hoped the man didn’t expect him to copy. The guy had the longest legs...and those high cut shorts left nothing to the imagination. Really nice arse too. Pity he was very obviously straight—but he was well out of Julian’s class anyway. Also—a bastard. An important consideration, that. Ledbetter stood up and seemed surprised to see Julian. “Oh. You came.” “Of course I did. Where’s Linis?” “Inside. He’s still resting. Pyon?” “Sulking. He didn’t like getting up so early.” Ledbetter smiled briefly, teeth flashing white in the dim light. “No, kems aren’t really morning creatures. But this is the best time for a run.” “I really haven’t done this for over ten years. I don’t want you pitching a fit at me for not keeping up.” “I’ve taken account of that in my plans for this morning, don’t worry. Let me look at your gear.” Julian blinked in shock, until he realised the man meant his shoes and things. Ledbetter wasn’t entirely happy with the shoes but said they’d do for now. “They were expensive!” Julian protested. “Yes,” Ledbetter said, packing quite a lot of derision into a single word and one suggestive sniff. “That doesn’t mean they’re any good. But you won’t be pushing them too hard today so I won’t ask you to change them.” Julian bristled. “I can’t afford to change my shoes to suit you.” “You won’t. You’ll change them to suit you. Now stop talking and listen. We start with a warm up.” Julian remembered now why he’d hated running at school. And sports. And PE of any kind. It made him look like a dork with a capital ‘duh’. It didn’t help that all the stretches and deep bends and arm raises and lunges which perfectly emphasised his pudgy out-of-shapedness, only served to demonstrate the length and strength and...well, classical beauty of Ledbetter’s body. If the man had been the least bit aware of his own physical perfection, it would have been completely obnoxious. Instead, it was merely annoying. A lot, actually, but he’d survive. Julian wasn’t out here to compare himself to Mr Perfect. He was out here because it was good for him and thus good for Pyon. The exercise exhausted him—and they hadn’t even done any running. As he stood panting and wondering if it was too late to back out, Ledbetter took off his watch. “Put this on,” he ordered, holding it out. “I already have a watch.”

“It’s not a watch, it’s a heart rate monitor. Put it on.” Perplexed, Julian obeyed and then Ledbetter asked, “How old are you?” Julian raised his eyebrows in frank disbelief. “I beg your pardon?” The man looked annoyed as he repeated, “How old are you?” “Twenty-six but what—“ “Then if that,” he pointed to the monitor, “indicates your heart rate is above one-fifty-five at any point, slow down until it slows down. Your safe maximum heart rate is determined by your age.” “But won’t you need it?” Ledbetter flashed a quick smile. “We won’t be running hard enough to tax me this morning. Ready? You should call Pyon—he’ll enjoy this. Linis? Come on, you love this bit.” Linis appeared and jumped down to the ground a little ahead of them, looking expectant. When Julian summoned Pyon, his kem still seemed put out. Julian gave him a cuddle and set him on the ground. Pyon scurried around behind him to get away from Linis. “I don’t understand why he does that,” Julian said, confused by the strange reaction. “Sometimes it takes a while for them to make friends. Don’t worry. Now, let’s go. We’ll take it easy, and you watch your heart rate.” As exercise for his body, it wasn’t much of a success. As an exercise in humiliation, it was perfect. He managed to run for all of thirty seconds before he stopped, out of breath. He expected Ledbetter to yell at him, but the man just told him to walk until he felt able to run again. The next burst was even shorter. In the end, he managed a mere fifteen minutes before he called for mercy, and his face was hot from embarrassment as much as exertion. His heart pounded, his pulse throbbing in his forehead like he was about to burst something. He gulped down air into a dry throat, holding onto a tree to support himself, sipping water before he could speak. “Even I know...that’s pathetic,” he gasped out to forestall the sarcasm. “It’s pretty much what I expected,” Ledbetter said. “You’ll do better next time. You need to cool down with more exercises.” “Next time? Tomorrow?” “No. We’ll talk about this. Come on—you need to do this, and then you can wait while I do a proper run.” More bending and stretching and embarrassing postures, with Ledbetter simply demonstrating before Julian did as he asked. Finally, he was allowed to sit on a bench. Ledbetter hadn’t even broken into a sweat. By now it had warmed up slightly but Julian was dripping wet and the gentle breeze was cold. Ledbetter tsked at him not having a

sweater to wear. “Sit there, drink some more water, play with Pyon. I’ll be twenty minutes. Can I have my monitor back?” Wearily Julian stripped the thing from his wrist and handed it over. Ledbetter put it on, pressed a button and then headed off. Julian was too tired to raise more than a flicker of admiration for the way the perfect arse moved as Ledbetter ran. Pyon appeared from wherever he’d been exploring—he’d run along with them, keeping pace easily, and really had seemed to enjoy it. Now he was looking for cuddles and that being all Julian was up for, he was glad to comply. Pyon’s fur felt good against his chilled skin. His kem was fascinated by his sweat and general condition, needing to sniff and lick just about everywhere before he’d settle down around Julian’s shoulders. That felt nice. And sitting here in the quiet, watching the brightening sky through the trees, was kind of pretty. Actually, now he’d got his breath back, he didn’t feel too bad. Almost like he could do a little more running, but he thought he better not push his luck. It was nice here, the clean morning air sweet and cool, the birds and bugs and flowers a nice change from his apartment. He’d come here a few times, but never this early. If Ledbetter said this was what he had to do to get fit, well...it wasn’t so bad. He saw Linis before he saw Ledbetter, the tawny kem bounding along with his big fluffy tail erect and cheerful above him. Pyon meeped anxiously when he saw him, but he didn’t run away, and actually came to sit in Julian’s lap to wait for Ledbetter to stop and then do the same set of exercises as Julian had. Now the man was sweaty, but grinning—he’d enjoyed himself. “Come on, I want to walk back before I get cold. Next time, bring something you can wrap around your waist.” Julian fell into step, their kems walking ahead of them, carefully apart with tails erect. “So when is next time?” “You’ll be sore tomorrow—you’ll need to take it easy. Go for a long, gentle walk—definitely no running. If you’re feeling better on Monday, then you can jog again.” “At five o'clock? Before work?” Ledbetter didn’t answer. Julian glanced at him. There was a distinctly guilty expression on those elegant features. “Well...on that point. You don’t actually have to get up at five.” Julian stopped so he could glare properly. “No? So what are we doing up at this ridiculous hour?” It wasn’t even six yet! “I...uh...wanted to see if you were serious.” “Mr Ledbetter, you’re a prick.” To his surprise, the man only grinned. “Yes, I suppose I am. But you turned up, and that impressed me.” “So, what, do I get a medal? You’ll stop being so nasty to me?” “I'm never nasty. I tell people uncomfortable truths. They don’t care for it much.”

“Especially when you’re so snotty about it.” Ledbetter’s smile slipped. “You know what to do now. You should buy a better pair of shoes of that brand I mentioned, and a heart rate monitor. There’s a club who run in the park. If you join them, you’ll get a lot of advice. I need a shower. Good day.” Julian caught his arm. “Wait! Are you angry with me?” The man’s eyes were shuttered, revealing nothing. “I’ve done what’s necessary, you’ve demonstrated a commitment to good health and Pyon has already benefited. There’s little more I can add. I see no reason to detain you further.” “But....” Julian frowned in perplexity. “Why don’t you have breakfast with me? My apartment’s just around the—“ “No, I don’t think—“ “Or there’s a coffee shop that does healthy stuff—I checked. Come on, you can’t tell me you’ve got something more important to do at six am.” “No.” But the man still looked as if he wanted to bolt. “I need a shower and the café won’t be open....” He stopped and smiled suddenly, confusing Julian completely. “See? Told you they’d be friends eventually.” Julian looked down and ahead. “Oh. Oh!” Pyon was licking Linis who sat sedately as he was groomed, looking as if it was merely his due. Pyon’s eyes were half-shut in apparent ecstasy. “See? If you go home now, poor Linis and poor Pyon.... Come back to my place. It’s tidy, I swear and I’ve got all the healthy stuff you could want.” “I...I really don’t think it’s appropriate. You’re an assistant.” Julian gritted his teeth. “And you’re a snob. Pyon, come on—we’re not good enough for his highness, apparently.” Pyon bounced over, looked at Julian and then Ledbetter, and meeped as if distressed. “It’s okay,” Julian said more gently, picking him up. “Come on, let’s go home and eat.” He started to walk away, but stopped when he heard a very faint, “W-wait.” He took another step. “Please?” He turned. Ledbetter held Linis in his arms, but though his kem was calm and unruffled, the host was not. “I...that was rude of me. I didn’t mean...it’s not that you’re not good enough...I....” “It’s only breakfast.” “I’ve never done that before.” “Breakfast?” “Not...uh...not socially.”

“Oh. Well, I’ve never been jogging before, so we’re even, right? If you don’t come, then I’ll be at a disadvantage and that would be rude.” “It would?” “Oh yes,” Julian said, tucking Pyon up onto his shoulder and coming back to grab Ledbetter’s arm. But the bloody man still resisted. “I don’t even know your surname.” Crap, this guy was uptight. Julian stuck out his hand. “Julian Godwin, nice to meet you.” Hesitantly, the man accepted his gesture with his own big, long-fingered hand. “Uh, Zachary Ledbetter, same.” He shook Julian’s hand briefly then let go. “And never Zach, right?” “Absolutely not.” Julian grinned at his distaste. “Well, Zachary, how do you feel about poached eggs and wholemeal toast?” Ledbetter—Zachary—smiled rather shyly. “That sounds lovely.”

They stopped at Zachary’s apartment—and how strange that he lived so close—so he could pick up a tracksuit to throw over his sweaty clothes. Julian would have been happy to wait for him to shower but the man seemed rather reluctant for anyone to come into his private domain, so he didn’t push. It was a big enough victory getting him to agree to breakfast, after all. A short walk after that and they came to Julian’s somewhat less swish apartment block. At least he’d cleaned up the night before. “It’s not as posh as yours, I'm sure,” he said, letting them into the apartment. “How long have you been there?” “Not quite a month. I only moved to the city recently. I wanted a place by the park and the agent found it for me.” “You own it?” “Of course.” Julian shook his head in amazement—the man didn’t look that much older than him, but he was already out of the rent trap. “Go sit. Tea? How many eggs?” If it hadn’t been for Pyon’s sudden infatuation with Linis, Julian thought that Zachary would have run after a single cup of tea. That he found the situation uncomfortable, was painfully obvious. But Pyon could be damn cute when he wanted to be, and he turned on the charm, enchanting Zachary and his kem both, pouncing from behind Julian’s arm, begging for a petting with little mewls, and chasing a ball of paper around the floor and finally curling around the thing as if it was an egg he was trying to hatch. Then he jumped back onto the table and demanded praise for his cleverness, which Zachary was happy to give him.

Julian watched from the kitchen and grinned at Pyon grooming and teasing the sedate and regal Linis, winning a lick or two in the process and a lot of petting from Zachary. The man seemed to be unaware of the effect he had on Julian when he did that, and in the circumstances, Julian wouldn’t mention it. It didn’t seem the right time to bring it up. Breakfast was probably the easiest meal he could have offered, and eggs were one of the few things Julian already knew how to cook. They were both starving, so he served a stack of food—toast, poached eggs, melon slices and milk—which seemed to pass Zachary’s exacting standards. Zachary didn’t talk as he ate, but once he was onto his second cup of green tea, he relaxed a little. Julian felt he could ask him more about jogging, and how breakfast fitted in around that. He learned Zachary ran every day, usually in the morning, but never to work. “What about when it’s wet or cold?” “I can still run. If it’s truly vile, I use my building’s gym but Linis hates it.” He scratched between his kem’s ears. Linis yawned delicately, and lying beside him, almost on top of him, Pyon made a chirp as if he wanted petting too. Julian stroked his tail and resisted telling his kem not to be a greedy little sod. Pyon was almost drunk from all the affection he’d received this morning. Julian had a suspicion that his kem might even go home with Zachary if the man asked him politely enough—which he better not. “You know a lot about kems. Everyone else just takes them for granted.” Zachary winced, and Linis, apparently sensing his changed mood, moved closer and butted his head up against Zachary’s chest. Zachary picked him up and cuddled him close while Pyon pawed lazily at Linis’ tail. “It’s disgusting. Kems are as reliant on us as a child, and no one would treat a child with such disdain. Just because they can’t talk, doesn’t mean they’re dumb—or stupid. We know so little about them, and yet we feel free to dismiss them as nothing but extensions of our egos.” “No one knows what they are—or where they came from. Or where they go when we die either.” “They die.” Zachary’s green eyes were full of dark sorrow now and he rubbed his cheek against Linis’ head. “I know people like to think they’re reincarnated or they go off somewhere...but I think they die, like we do. So we have to give them as much time as we can.” Pyon meeped and ran back to Julian for reassurance at Zachary’s harsh tone. “Hey,” Julian said as he took his kem into his arms. “Don’t get upset.” “I can’t...I just can’t help it. The beautiful kems I’ve known who’ve died too soon because of utter selfishness of their hosts. Creatures with hearts and souls more pure than any human, lost because of idiocy.” Well this was taking a turn for the worse, Julian thought. The man looked about to burst into tears. “Lots of people die young through no fault of their own, you know.” “And lots of people pay no attention to the fact they’re responsible for another living creature and behave as if they can do exactly as they want. Their poor kems have no choice in the matter. I would never grieve for a human the way I have for those lost souls.” “You might. If you loved them. If your parents died, you would.”

Zachary’s eyes turned from grief-stricken to icy disdain in a flash. “No, I wouldn’t.” “Oh. Sorry. You don’t get on with them?” The man looked away. Obviously a touchy point. Julian decided to drop the subject. “Um...more tea?” Heavy silence persisted for some time, Zachary stroking Linis with an absent expression, while Julian cleared up and discreetly comforted Pyon, who clearly knew something was wrong but just as obviously had no idea what. Julian made a fresh pot of tea and then nudged Pyon across the table back to his new friends. Zachary roused as Pyon climbed his arm up to his shoulder and meeped in his ear. “Oh, hello—are you feeling neglected? Linis, manners.” His kem stretched and yawned, and then climbed up Zachary’s arm to sit on his other shoulder. Julian grinned at the sight of the two kems bookending Zachary’s head. “You’ve won him right over.” “I did nothing. Linis is the one with all the charm. Not that Pyon isn’t charming too,” he added, reaching up and scratching Pyon’s tummy. Pyon squirmed with delight and tried to burrow into Zachary’s hair, his fluffy tail swatting the man in the face as he wriggled about. Zachary didn’t seem to mind the indignity in the least—and yet if a person had taken that kind of liberty.... “He’s like another creature altogether. I wish I’d met you years ago.” Julian stopped, embarrassed, as he realised how that sounded. Zachary didn’t seem to notice. “I didn’t live here years ago, so you couldn’t have. At least you’ve started well. Just don’t become slack because it seems easier. You owe it to him.” “I know. I won’t.” “Good.” He glanced at his watch. “It’s eight o’clock and I’ve imposed long enough. I should go home and change. Thank you for breakfast...it was...pleasant.” “Surprised at that?” “Yes. I...yes.” He smiled a little shyly. “I...don’t know anyone here.” “Now you know two of us. Hey, I’ve got an idea. You said I’d be too sore to jog—but I promised Pyon I’d take him out to the country tomorrow, by train. Want to come? If you don’t know the area, then you could—“ “Uh...actually, I'm busy.” It was said too fast for it to be the truth, or the whole truth, but Julian tried not to be offended. “Oh. Oh, right. Yes. Well, maybe next weekend or something. There’s a big country park about forty miles from here. You can get there by train. I keep meaning to go there when the weather’s good but I never get around to it. You’d like it.” He shut up—he was babbling.

“I’m sure I would.” Zachary stood up. “I...uh...I might be able to rearrange things. When will you be going?” “In the morning sometime? You could drop over and let me know after you go for a jog. Ring the bell or something and tell me. I can wait.” Damn it, he could just give the guy his telephone number, but he had a feeling that would just send Zachary running for the hills. “All right. I, uh...thank you for the invitation. And breakfast.” “Thank you for the torture.” Zachary grinned a little. “It’s fun.” “I bet. Let me walk you out.” Pyon rode on Zachary’s shoulder all the way down to the street, and only very reluctantly climbed back onto Julian at Zachary’s urging. “See you tomorrow, maybe?” Julian said. “Yes. Maybe. Thank you.” Zachary hurried away from him as if his arse was on fire. Julian was now convinced that the guy’s problem wasn’t that he was a terrible snob but that he was terribly shy. Which, wow, if Julian looked like that and had his advantages? Would really not be a problem. He turned to go back into the building. Pyon squeaked and then dematerialised—hungry, Julian guessed. It had been a long morning and it was still earlier than he would normally get up on the weekend. An engine revved and he heard a horrible squeal of tyres. Bloody traffic morons. That was the worst part of living on this— Then came a screech, and a dull, glassless thud. A second later a woman screamed. Not a fender-bender. The car had hit a person, not another vehicle. And the woman screamed again, this time for help. Zachary! He pelted down the street, desperately hoping he was wrong, that he hadn’t just heard— Near the corner crossing, Zachary lay in the street, bloodied and horribly broken and not at all alive. Already people were clustered around, one crouched at Zachary’s side. A car was stopped a little across the intersection, the driver surrounded by other people. Julian paid him them no attention as he dropped to his knees beside the too still body. “Somebody, call a bloody ambulance!” he yelled, staring desperately up at the sea of faces. “Call an ambulance!”

They wouldn’t let him ride with Zachary to hospital but a nice woman gave him a lift in her car, following the ambulance as closely as possible, and offering words of comfort that Julian barely heard. His hands were covered in Zachary’s blood—a passing nurse had stopped to offer assistance, and Julian had done what he could using his own workplace first aid training, which wasn’t much. Identifying himself as the victim’s friend meant the paramedics asked him a lot of questions he had no idea of the answers for, then the police wanted more information. He could help them a little more since they wanted to know where Zachary lived and why he’d been on the street. But once Zachary had been loaded into the ambulance, Julian insisted on being allowed to go with him. The police let him leave—he wasn’t a witness, and there were plenty of other people who’d seen the accident who could help instead. “Are you going to be all right, love?” the kind woman asked as she let him out at Emergency. “You look very pale.” “I...uh...just need to know how he is.” “Then you go find out. Good luck—and remember, people can survive much worse things.” He watched her for a second or two as she drove away. Yes, people could survive worse. But they died in car accidents all the time, and Zachary had looked very bad. It had taken the paramedics a long time to stabilise him before they could load him up. His bloodied state raised a few questions at reception but when they found out he wasn’t injured, he was told to wait with all the unfortunate friends and relatives of people being treated. The receptionist suggested that Mr Ledbetter’s family be contacted if Julian knew how to—but he didn’t. That ended his usefulness, apparently. It became clear this would take more than a couple of hours, and his filthy state had already drawn a lot of curious looks. He took himself off to the small public bathroom to clean himself up. The place smelled like urine and unpleasant chemicals, and wasn’t particularly sterile. The soap dispenser was nearly empty and he had to use half a dozen paper towels before he removed the worst of the blood from his clothes and hands. Pyon, who’d been so very good and kept himself out of sight while the worst was happening, now popped up and wanted reassuring. “You and me both, little guy,” Julian said cuddling his kem, staring at his reflection in the mirror and wondering if Zachary was already dead. And Linis too. His eyes filled suddenly. No. No, not Linis too. Not both of them. He’d only just stopped hating the guy. The waiting room was no one’s idea of a pleasant place to be. The television showed cartoons and then a series of inane soaps. Some of the waiting people stared at it slack-jawed, but most ignored it. There wasn’t much else to occupy the attention, and the bored wandered in and out to make mobile phone calls, smoke or just get out of the foetid, sickly air inside. Julian didn’t dare leave in case someone called him to tell him about Zachary. It was two o’clock in the afternoon before he got any news at all, and that was only to tell him that he couldn’t have any specific information because he wasn’t a relative. “I don’t care—I want to stay here until he’s okay,” he told the doctor.

“That’s going to be some time,” she said. “Mr Ledbetter’s uncle is flying in tonight and there will be some decisions about treatment to be made. You can’t do anything for him right now. Mr Ledbetter is unconscious and will remain so for at least twenty-four hours—no visitors either.” “I'm staying.” She sighed. “Up to you. But if you want my advice, you’ll go home, change, get some rest and come back tomorrow.” “What about his kem? Is Linis okay?” “Kems typically dematerialise when the host is injured. We haven’t seen his but that’s not unusual. You surely know they can’t be injured. Now, please, I have other people to see.” He stood disconsolately as she walked away. Pyon meeped enquiringly and rubbed his face against Julian’s cheek. She was right—he did need to change and eat, at least for Pyon’s sake. But he’d come back here afterwards. He left a message at the office to tell them briefly what had happened—he had no idea when it would be picked up, but he didn’t care particularly since work was the last thing on his mind. Two messages on his own phone from friends, he ignored—they'd have to wait. He could email them later but he just couldn't deal with anything else now. Then he showered and changed, and ate a proper meal, and told Pyon to go inside so he could nourish himself properly. He felt fairly useless—he didn’t know Zachary’s family or friends so couldn’t tell them. The only thing he could do was swing past the man’s apartment building and let his neighbours know, but he discovered none of them had actually met Zachary. He delivered the information, hoped he wasn’t setting Zachary up to be burgled, and then he hailed a taxi and headed back to the hospital. No change, no more information. Pyon didn’t like the hospital—neither did the other kems, from what he could see. Too many people in distress, angry, worried or bored, and no interest in playing with their kems or anyone else’s. Only the children, with their tiny symbiotes, had time for them. Pyon played a little with the younger kems and the children too, who adored him, but most of the time, he spent with Julian, curled up on his lap and swishing his tail against Julian’s hand, or begging for cuddles and petting. He seemed as worried as Julian, and it made Julian wonder just how much Pyon knew of what was going on. The room was hot, ugly and smelled of desperation and unwashed people. Without his kem for company, he’d have gone nuts, but it was still damn boring. The only thing he’d learned was that Zachary’s uncle was expected in around midnight, still hours away. In the meantime, he could only wait and worry—or go home, which he refused to do. He felt someone should be here—it was wrong that Zachary, or anyone, could be so badly injured with no one to wait for them to wake up. But there wasn’t a lot he could do until that happened. At eight, his stomach rumbled. He’d brought some nuts and dried fruit to stave off hunger but he thought he should keep those until he had no other options. The hospital offered a canteen some distance away, an all night tea and coffee bar, and some hideously overpriced vending machines. He went for the machines because they were closest and at least they sold sandwiches and juice. Zachary’s lectures about healthy eating hadn’t covered hospitals, but Julian felt he should try to stick to the diet. Zachary would be furious if Pyon suffered because of him.

He had just pressed the button for the juice and was waiting for it to dispense when he heard a plaintive whine and felt a clawing at his leg. But Pyon was on his shoulder.... He looked down and saw a familiar, if unexpected, kem, batting at his ankle. “Linis? What are you doing here?” He bent down and picked up the big kem, who wailed and headbutted him. He’d never seen Linis upset at all before. “Hey, fella, you’re worried?” He cuddled him close, and Pyon bent down to give his new friend a lick. Julian collected his juice and took the food and his passengers back to the hard and uncomfortable chair. Linis was desperate for reassurance and affection—desperate full stop, in fact. Did that mean...? Julian felt a chill in his chest. Was Zachary...dying? He hugged the two kems close to him and bit his lip. Would the hospital tell him if he was? But Linis seemed in good health, and surely if Zachary was on the verge of death, he wouldn't be. He just seemed rather lonely and worried. All Julian could do was try to reassure him, let Pyon play and groom him, while he ate his scratch meal and wondered what was going on behind the closed doors of the emergency ward. Linis disappeared from time to time, and Julian worked out that he was popping back to check on Zachary. But he always reappeared in minutes, distressed and in need of more affection. Julian finally asked the receptionist if there was any more news, but she couldn’t or wouldn’t tell him anything more than he already knew. Time dragged on. As night fell, the waiting room emptied of the families and the idlers, leaving only the truly desperate and worried, and even they mostly disappeared as they received news or their friends and loved ones came out, bandaged or clutching a bag of medicine. Every so often people would stagger in either drunk or clutching a bloodied head or hand. Their friends would hang around while they were treated and then leave. Julian alone kept a vigil all evening. Zachary would probably be utterly bemused at him doing so, but he just...had to. At one am, a taxi pulled up outside and a tall, elderly man carrying a smart, compact leather suitcase, came in through the glass doors. Julian guessed at once who it was, and went over to him. Though the man had to be seventy at least, he had the same elegant bone structure and lean physique as his nephew—and the same green eyes. “Are you here for Zachary?” “Why, yes.” The man seemed completely taken aback at being accosted by a stranger. “I'm Leo Underwood, his great uncle. Who are you?” “Uh, Julian Godwin. He...we work together. Um...he’s a friend.” “You must be—is that Linis? Goodness, what are you doing here, little fellow?” He reached out and patted Zachary’s kem affectionately. His own kem, a small white creature, materialised then and walked down his arm to sniff and lick at Linis’ face, and then Pyon’s. “You and Zachary must be close.”

“Um, not exactly. They won’t tell me what’s happening with him. He was hit by the car just near my apartment. We’d been jogging together—I feel awful.” Underwood smiled wearily. “Not your fault, so don’t. Let me speak to whoever I need to. Could you look after Linis while I do that?” He left his case with Julian and then went over to the receptionist. He was taken almost immediately behind scenes, leaving Julian with the two kems to wait again. It seemed to take forever, though the clock on the wall said it was only fifteen minutes before Leo Underwood reappeared. He looked far more tired and depressed—the news couldn’t have been good. Julian stood to hear the worst. “Is he going to be okay?” “They’re not sure. He’s in critical care right now. The injuries were severe.” He rubbed his eyes. “To be honest, Julian...they warned me he could die.” “No,” Julian whispered. “I'm afraid so, yes. But he’s stable, and I believe he’s being given excellent care. They told me to return in the morning, to leave a contact number with them. I’ll stay at Zachary’s apartment.” “You could stay with me, if you like. His place isn’t far from mine...and...um....” “You want the company? Have you been here all day?” Julian nodded. “My dear boy, you must be exhausted. I accept your generous offer—a sorrow shared and all that.” “What about Linis?” “Let me talk to him. May I have your telephone number to give the doctors?” Julian scribbled it out, and the address—and his name, just to be sure—and Underwood took it. “Let me sort this out. Give me Linis, and if you could call a taxi?” It was good to have someone who could make decisions—who could get information, even if it was bad news. When Julian finished ordering the car, he found the man talking seriously to Linis in a low voice, his own kem listening intently. Then he straightened and Linis disappeared. “I asked him to keep an eye on our boy while we get some rest. He understands we can’t be here all the time.” “How do you know, sir?” “I just do,” he said, smiling tiredly. “Please, call me Leo—‘sir’ makes me feel my age and I really don’t need any help with that. I hope that taxi comes soon. I'm not as young as I used to be, and it was a tiresome flight.” Julian was a lot younger but he felt exhausted by this worrying day and all the waiting. The old man had to be close to passing out. Since he couldn’t directly help Zachary, he decided he would help Zachary’s uncle—and maybe learn a little more about the mysterious Mr Ledbetter. It’d be a distraction from worrying himself sick, at least.

They spoke little in the taxi, except to exchange the names of their kems—Leo’s was called Nuji, and Pyon was already his fast friend—and for Julian to explain his relationship with Zachary a little better. “I, uh, don’t know the names of his other friends. Are you going to call his parents?” “I can’t. They’ve been dead for over twenty years.” “Oh.” Julian replayed that conversation in his head and mentally smacked himself. It hadn’t been hostility— just deep discomfort, possibly even grief, which had made Zachary go all cold. “No other relatives?” “None, unless you count distant second and third cousins that neither of us have ever met. There’s just me, and like you, I don’t know his friends either. You’re the first one I’ve ever met. I'm glad he’s found someone so loyal.” Julian opened his mouth to say he’d do this for anyone, then shut it. If Leo wanted the illusion of a close friendship, what harm could it do? For all he knew, he was Zachary’s best friend—which was a lonely, depressing thought in itself. “He can’t die,” was all he said. “I hope not. He’s young and fit and the doctors said he had more than a fifty percent chance of making it. I'm a great believer in those kinds of odds, Julian. Are we nearly there?” They were. Getting up the stairs and opening his front door suddenly felt like enormously difficult tasks. But finally he was home. That morning, Zachary had eaten breakfast with him in this very place. Their dirty dishes still sat in the sink. His heart went tight. Zachary just couldn’t die. He set Leo’s suitcase down and tried to think what needed to be done. “I, uh...need to change the sheets.” Leo shook his head. “Please, Julian, I’ve slept on mud floors. I just want to lie down. Politeness can wait.” Julian was too tired to argue, though he did put out clean towels and checked the bathroom was still respectable. He didn’t even bother making up the sofa bed - he just grabbed his pillow from the bedroom, swapping it for a spare, clean one, and picked up a blanket. He was asleep in seconds, Pyon clutched close to him. He dreamed and he had nightmares, but when he woke, shuddering, the memories slipped through his fingers, only leaving sadness and confusion. He took a few seconds to work out why he wasn’t in his bed, and what had woken him—the answer was the same thing. Leo. The man, dressed in a black and gold silk bathrobe, puttered quietly enough in the kitchen but the unfamiliar noise—soft clinks of someone trying to find mugs in a strange kitchen—had been enough to interrupt Julian’s sleep. He checked his watch. Just gone seven o’clock. Just over twenty four hours since.... God, he hoped Zachary was all right. Leo paused in the middle of pouring from the teapot as he spotted Julian was awake. “Oh, I'm sorry, Julian. I desperately needed some tea.” Julian yawned and waved away the apology, wrapping the blanket around his shoulders. “Did you call the hospital?”

“Yes. No change. Which is good. The longer he survives, the better his chances, so they told me.” Julian found it hard to match the optimistic smile, but he did his best. Nuji perched on Leo’s shoulder and Pyon scrambled over to play. The two kems ended up on the floor, chasing each other. Julian wondered about Linis and how he was doing. “We’re going back this morning, right?” “Of course. Now I'm here, you don’t...but yes, of course you do. Forgive me. And your company would be welcome, but eat breakfast first. It’s going to be a long day. I’ve done this kind of thing before.” If the old man hadn’t been there, Julian would have skipped it and gone straight back. He was grateful to have someone making him be sensible. Finding breakfast for Leo, forcing himself to shower and shave carefully, thinking about what needed to be done for his guest’s comfort, was a welcome distraction from his anxiety. He was more than a little concerned about the stress on Leo, especially when Leo let slip he was closer to eighty than seventy. “You could wait here, you know. I could let you know what’s going on.” “No, I must go. Beside...the doctors said that someone may have to make...but let’s not talk of such things. It won’t come to that.” “You mean, decisions about turning stuff off? You can’t!” Leo winced. “I may have to. I'm his next of kin, Julian. These things must be faced. But not now, and perhaps not at all.” “He’d want Linis kept alive!” “I'm well aware of that. I promise I won’t make any decision on such matters without talking to you, and considering every possibility. But you see, I do need to be there, though I should go to his apartment first, and see if there’s anything that needs to be tended to.” Once Leo had showered, and Julian had cleared up, they set out. They walked because the apartment was so close, though Julian had stiffened up just as Zachary had predicted. He thought sorrowfully of the day in the country he’d hoped to have—it seemed so long ago they’d talked about it, just the day before. Leo, despite his age, was quite sprightly on his long legs—another similarity with his great-nephew. Julian wondered how close the connection was, and as they walked, he asked about the relationship. “Did you raise him? He must have been a kid when his parents died.” “Ah, sadly no. My sister and her husband—his mother’s parents—brought him up, though I’d have dearly loved to have done. My niece, ah, didn’t exactly approve of me.” He smiled sadly. “But my sister and brotherin-law passed away several years ago. There’s just Zachary and me now. I’ve known him all his life. A fine, caring young man.” “How old was he?”

“When his parents died? Only seven. It was an airline crash—he was staying with my sister while his parents attended a medical congress. Both doctors, you see. The plane developed a critical fault, came down, and everyone on board died. The only blessing was that Zachary wasn’t one of them.” “Yes.” Raised by his grandparents—that couldn’t have been a lot of fun. “Are you two close then?” Leo sighed. They’d arrived at Zachary’s apartment building now and slowly climbed the stairs. “Not really, though I’d have liked to have been. I keep in touch as much as he allows. But he’s not really close to anyone, that I know of.” They let themselves into the apartment. Julian wasn’t surprised to find it spare and clean and elegant, much like its owner. It was as large as his parents’ house—three bedrooms, a large open sitting room, a kitchen and dining area with a long polished wood dining table that might have been an heirloom. One wall was entirely taken up with books, not just law texts but books on dozens of different topics. On a glass side table, a chess game was set up. There were no messages on the answer phone or Zachary’s mobile. No pictures of family or friends featured anywhere, no real sign of the man himself—no degrees on display, or personal touches. The abstract paintings on the wall were beautiful but told him nothing of Zachary himself. It felt lonely, and a little empty. Zachary hadn’t been there long, though. Perhaps there were things in storage, waiting to be unpacked. Julian hoped so. Pyon and Nuji nosed around but even Julian’s curious kem couldn’t find much to amuse himself with. Sterile, that was the word. There wasn’t much to do—when Zachary woke up, he’d need personal things, books and so on, but that could wait. Having checked messages and that there wasn’t any food left out that could go off, they headed to the hospital. The only news was that there was no news, but Leo’s arrival meant that they could wait in the more comfortable and private waiting room near the critical care ward, and he could authorise Julian as a visitor. They were allowed to see Zachary—and ‘see’ meant through a window, not in the same room—though Julian kind of wished he hadn’t, afterwards. “He looks terrible,” he whispered, staring at the monitors and the traction device and all the equipment. And at the horribly battered and pale form on the bed, dwarfed by all the technology. He could barely see Zachary’s face—he was on a breathing machine and the tubes and masks and tapes obscured most of the skin that wasn’t covered in bandages. Did the monitor readings mean he was doing okay or not? “People look terrible in these situations, Julian. It’s what’s going on inside that counts.” They heard a faint, desperate cry. “Oh, Linis.” Zachary’s kem came straight to Julian and Pyon, wailing to be picked up. Julian gave him lots of cuddling and petting, Leo and Nuji joining in. “He’s scared.” Leo nodded. “Yes, and Zachary would be very pleased you’re here to look after him. Come on, standing here and staring won’t do anyone any good.” For a while, they had the waiting room to themselves. Julian didn’t feel like talking—the sight of Zachary and seeing just how very ill he was, had shaken him up. Leo respected his need to silence, entertaining himself by playing with the three kems, especially Linis. Julian wondered if Zachary knew how much his uncle loved him and Linis both, and really hoped he’d live long enough to discover it, if he didn’t.

A doctor came in close to midday to let Leo know the latest. Zachary was holding his own, and the ventilator was just to take the strain off him, not because he couldn’t breathe without it. “Will he live?” Julian blurted out. “He’s fighting hard,” the doctor said. “But we’re cautiously optimistic.” Julian grinned at Leo who smiled in obvious relief. “We’ll take him off the ventilator tomorrow if he continues to do well, and we should see him waking up then. Mr Underwood, he’s going to be sedated until then for his own comfort—there’s really little point in you sitting around here. If there’s a crisis, we can call you. You’re not staying far from here, are you?” “I want to stay,” Julian said. “Yes,” she said, “I understand. But Zachary will be with us for a couple of weeks or more. He’ll need you when he wakes up. I suggest you take Mr Underwood home, both of you take it easy, and stay where we can contact you. Nothing will happen so fast that you won’t get back here in time, I promise.” Leo grimaced. “Perhaps...Julian, I think we should.” “What about Linis? He needs the company.” The doctor held up her hands. “I’ll leave it up to you. But this will be a long business, gentlemen. Zachary’s recovery will take months. He’s in good hands here, and so is his kem.” She left them then. Julian sat down and called Linis up onto his lap. Pyon jumped up too, and he stroked them both. “You can go if you like, but I owe Zachary. I can’t abandon Linis.” “No. We can stay an hour or so. Linis understands, and so long as he knows we’re coming back, he’ll be fine. Tomorrow will be the day we’ll be needed.” Leo patted Julian’s shoulder. “She’s right—we need to pace ourselves.” “Who did you do this with before?” “Friends. A lover, once, who had cancer.” Leo’s eyes shadowed briefly. “When you get to my age, you accumulate losses.” “Did everyone die?” “Some of them. But Zachary won’t, so let’s not talk of it.” They stayed until another family came to use the waiting room, so distressed and in need of privacy that it seemed rude to hang around. Julian carried Linis back out to the observation window. The kem made a distressed sound as he saw Zachary lying there, and turned to Julian for reassurance. Julian whispered words of comfort in one silky ear, and petted him for as long as Linis wanted it. But then the kem made it clear he wanted to be set down. He walked over to Leo and rubbed himself against the man’s leg, then went to Pyon and Nuji in turn, giving them sad little face licks. The kems all seemed to know what was going on, and it made Julian feel even worse about depriving Linis of their company. But Linis took matters into his own paws, and with a last quiet meep, he dematerialised. Seconds later, they saw him on Zachary’s pillow, curled up next to his head. “Do you suppose Zachary knows?” Julian asked.

“I can’t think it does him any harm, and I think it helps Linis. Come on, we should get lunch and look after our little kems too.” Leo insisted on taking him out to lunch as a thank you to Julian and to give them a break. He was, he confessed, starving since his body clock was messed up, and he was reluctant to put Julian to the strain of catering to his peculiar dietary needs. Julian never ate in restaurants, so had no idea what to recommend. They took a taxi to the city and ended up choosing one at random, which Leo deemed suitable, and Julian thought was well out of his price range. But Leo said it was his treat and he could easily afford it. “My family are disgustingly rich, I'm afraid. Zachary doesn’t need to work, but he despises idleness as much as I used to. I’ve...grown accustomed to its charms,” he added with a wry smile. Julian grinned back. He really liked this old guy—even if he wasn’t much like his nephew at all. The restaurant specialised in seafood, never Julian’s favourite, but he was determined to try it, if only for Zachary’s sake. He let Leo choose, and ended up with a very nice salmon and shrimp pasta. Leo chose a grilled tuna steak, which looked even more tempting. He declined to order any wine, just asking for their best mineral water. Julian didn’t mind—he didn’t drink much anyway. Not since University, at least. “Zachary would think this was pretty funny,” Julian said, twirling some pasta on his fork. “You should have heard him tear into me about my diet. He was right though—Pyon’s been so much better.” “Kems are his main obsession, but you probably know that.” “Do you know why?” Leo ate a mouthful of fish and set his fork down. “He was an only child raised by elderly grandparents, a shy, solemn boy in a strange school. Linis was the only one he could trust not to hurt him. My sister and her husband were good people, but not...warm. Or should I say, kind but not very perceptive. Zachary retreated inwards, never spoke to anyone about his parents or how he felt. Linis was his security, his friend, and his only comfort. Eventually, I think he decided no one else could ever offer him a fraction of what Linis did, and he stopped even caring if he was alone. But he cared when he was a child. He broke my heart, but I could do so little. I travelled, you see, and was rarely home. I visited when I could, but each time I returned, Zachary was a little colder, more closed in. By the time my sister and her husband passed away, he’d come to live entirely for himself and Linis.” “But he must have had friends—he went to University, like me, he’s got a job. He meets people all the time.” Leo shrugged and cut more of his fish steak. “I’ve never heard him mention anyone.” “He told me he’d known kems who’d died because of their hosts being selfish. It really upset him.” “Yes, but I doubt he cared about the people. The kems are different.” Leo shook his head. “You’d think he’d be lonely.” Julian thought back to the strange way the man had dealt with his invitation to go to the country park. “I think he is.” “You seem to have formed quite an attachment to him despite your early difficulties.”

“No, I...I feel sorry for him. And I owe him. But I don’t know a thing about him, except that he’s rich and he loves kems.” “Would you like to know him?” Julian suddenly realised Leo hadn’t mentioned what sex his cancer-ridden lover had been, and flushed at the implication in the man’s tone. “I’ve got plenty of friends.” “Ah. And Zachary is just another one in a long list. Nothing special.” “I didn’t...I don’t know him. I feel...responsible. He was hit by that car because I bullied him into breakfast. He wouldn't have even been there if I hadn’t done that.” “Bullied?” Leo lifted an eyebrow. “Zachary? And how did you manage that, Julian?” “I...uh...well, I asked him. A couple of times.” “I see. Which of course left him with no choice, forcing him to come to your utterly execrable and unpleasant apartment, eat your horrible food and then you tossed him out onto the street under the wheels of that car. Is that correct?” “He wouldn’t have been there,” Julian muttered, staring into his plate of pasta and feeling rather stupid. Leo wasn’t that different from Zachary after all. “You don’t know that,” Leo said gently. “So if your concern for Zachary is based on nothing but guilt, then in his name I absolve you and release you from any obligation. He’s going to need friends for the long haul. Guilt won’t keep you around for more than a couple of days because let me tell you, visiting hospitals and looking after sick people isn’t fun and it isn’t easy. He doesn’t need someone to play at this, Julian.” Sharp eyes in an aged face pinned him, and he felt his skin flushing hot again. “I...I didn’t even like him a few days ago. He was a complete snot to me at work.” “Yes, he’s very good at that. So why are you here with me, worrying about him?” Pyon yawned just then, and climbed off Julian’s shoulder so he could pick his way across the table to visit Nuji, lying in the crook of Leo’s arm. Julian pointed at his kem. “Because three weeks ago, if I’d brought Pyon to a place like this, it would have been a disaster.” “Gratitude has no more staying power than guilt, my boy.” Julian sagged. “Why is it so hard to admit that you might just like my nephew?” “Because...I didn’t, and now I might do, and he might die.” “And it’s hard, isn’t it? Zachary decided a long time ago he didn’t want to be hurt any more by people leaving him. You see the kind of life he leads. Don’t be like that, Julian. Be brave. It hurts, but your life will be so much richer.” Julian nodded, his cheeks still burning. “I'm supposed to go back to work tomorrow—I don’t know how I can. I won’t be able to think. I’ve got plenty of leave. I’ll have to ask for the time off.”

“Let me speak to your employers. I’ve handled similar situations before and I think they might be agreeable to you helping the two of us out, at least until the crisis has passed. And I would be very grateful for your company.” Leo smiled, and Julian was again reminded of Zachary—he’d seen so few of his smiles, but when he had, it had transformed the man. Gave a glimpse of a softer, shyer person who might be coaxed out with time and patience. Julian hadn’t ever bothered to try before with someone so self-contained. He began to think it might be worth doing. “I just want to help.” “You might come to regret those words. Now, eat up and we can have dessert. I won’t tell Zachary,” Leo added with a wink.

Leo called the hospital after lunch, at supper and then just before they went to bed. The news was encouraging. Not only was Zachary not deteriorating, but he seemed to be a little stronger. The doctors would try removing him from the ventilator in the morning and encouraged Leo and Julian not to visit until that had been done. “I don’t understand,” Julian said. “It’s because it’s a little distressing for the patient and those watching,” Leo said. “It’s all normal, I assure you.” Julian didn’t want to get to the point where this kind of thing was normal. “How long are you going to stay?” he asked. “As long as Zachary needs me—though I may have to have some things sent to me from my home, and buy some more clothes. I packed in something of a hurry.” For the first time, Julian dared to think about what came next. Zachary had a broken leg, among many other injuries. He’d be on crutches at the very least—but that apartment of his wasn’t in a very disabled friendly building. And what about Leo? Would he live there too? Would Zachary need a nurse? And what about his job? He realised he’d assumed he had any role to play—just as Leo had. But when Zachary woke up, which he definitely had to, the man might have very definite views about the matter. And might not be at all happy for Julian to be involved. “I guess I’ll find out,” he whispered into Pyon’s fur after he’d settled down to sleep. They’d taken the time to make the apartment more friendly for two people, and to make the sofabed up properly, but it would be a bit of a strain to live like this for months. “One day at a time, right?” Pyon chirped and licked his face enthusiastically. Whenever Julian grew a little mopey about being involved in this mess, he only had to look at his kem to realise that, at least for him, it had been worth it. Not for Zachary though. Zachary would probably curse the day a cheeky little kem had made him spill coffee all over himself. “Not a lot I can do about that now, eh?” Pyon squeaked again and squirmed under the blankets so he could nest properly in Julian’s arms. Smart boy, Julian thought. Rest was good. Thinking was getting him nowhere.

He remembered more of his nightmares in the morning—Zachary dying, Linis crying before he too, disappeared forever—and could only hope they’d drop off once they were sure Zachary would recover. They weren’t there yet, however hopeful the doctors were. But there were mundane matters to deal with first. Leo, who was a someone, or at least had once been, used his reputation and wealth to go straight to the top, and Julian had an uncomfortable meeting with him and the most senior of the senior partners down at the office. It was so weird to see Mr Clarke so deferential and polite. Of course anything Mr Underwood wanted was just fine with the firm. Our Mr Godwin is at your disposal, Mr Underwood, for however long you require him, Mr Underwood. Our only concern is Mr Ledbetter’s return to health. We're making arrangements to deal with his caseload, and he shouldn’t worry about a thing. Do let us know if you need any further assistance, Mr Underwood. Our firm is at your service. Julian found himself in a taxi on the way back to the apartment before the dazed feeling wore off. “What did you say you did before you retired?” he asked his deceptively innocent-looking companion as they drove away from the building. Leo gave him a slightly wolfish grin. “It’s a more a matter of who I know. And who my family were. I don’t usually play that game. But it’s nice to able to, don’t you think?” Julian could only nod mutely. It had been ever so slightly scary seeing Leo pull rank on the terrifying and normally not at all genial Mr Clarke. “You think they’re going to take it out on me when this is over?” “My boy, they’ll probably promote you.” He patted Julian’s knee. “Don’t worry about it. Let me call the hospital.” The news he received meant the taxi was redirected, Julian holding tightly onto Pyon as they drove. Please be okay, he begged Zachary in his thoughts. They were asked to go to the waiting room. Julian couldn’t relax, couldn’t even sit for anxiety. “What’s taking so long?” he demanded as he paced. “Calm down, my dear boy. You’re upsetting Pyon and Nuji.” He made himself sit down and set Pyon on the floor so he could race over to his new friend and clamber up Leo’s leg. “They said they’d removed the ventilator. What’s the problem?” “I don’t know, Julian. Be calm. There’s nothing we can...hello, Linis.” Zachary’s kem rushed straight to Julian, who swept him up into his arms to cuddle and comfort him. But Linis didn’t seem so distressed—more as if he’d simply missed them all. Julian frowned at Leo. “I don’t understand—” The door opened and a nurse put his head in. “If you’d like to see Mr Ledbetter now, you can, but only for five minutes.”

Linis squirmed out of Julian’s arms and ran out of the door, the most undignified thing Julian had yet seen him do. “That’s a good sign?” Julian asked hopefully. “I think so,” Leo said, smiling with annoying calmness. “Nuji, please go inside. I think three kems will be two too many.” Julian took the hint and asked Pyon to retreat as well. Then they followed the nurse out to the ward. They had to wash their hands and put on masks and gowns—for some reason kems didn’t bring in germs, but their hosts were another issue—before they were allowed through to Zachary’s bed. The breathing apparatus was gone, but he looked worse. One side of his face was covered in dressings, and he had two black eyes. What wasn’t bruised or cut or covered in bandages, was as white as the sheets he lay on. Julian hung back while Leo approached. He held his breath as Zachary opened one swollen eyelid, and seemed to say something. Leo took his uninjured hand and bent low to talk to him in a whisper. Julian had a sudden feeling that he had no right to be here. He wasn’t family. But then Linis pawed at his leg, wanting to be picked up. Which was odd because surely he should be with Zachary. Julian picked the kem up, and drew closer to the bed. Leo stood up. “Zachary, Julian’s here. Look.” Zachary had his eyes closed again, but he opened them a slit. “’Lian? L’is?” “Yes, I’ve got him,” Julian said, trying to hold Linis so Zachary could see. “We’ve been making sure he didn’t get too lonely while you get better. Here, Linis. Go to him, he needs you.” He set the kem on the bed—Linis picked his way delicately over all the cords and tubes and drip lines so he could sit near Zachary’s head. A faint smile switched briefly on Zachary’s dry lips. “’on?” “Pyon? He’s fine—just being discreet. He and Linis have been playing together a lot, and Nuji. When you get out of here, you’ll love seeing them. Zachary, you have to get better, okay?” What an inane thing to say, he thought angrily. But Zachary just smiled again, and whispered something Leo bent low to catch. “He says he’ll try,” Leo reported. “You do that, nephew.” He squeezed Zachary’s fingers and then nodded at the nurse who signalled to them that time was up. “We’ll be back soon. Just rest and get well, my boy.” They were ushered out and stripped of their gowns and masks. Leo wiped discreetly at one eye with a spotlessly white handkerchief. “Well, well,” he said, his voice a little clogged. “It seems he really is going to make it.” “Yes.” Julian flicked quickly at his eyes too. Amazing how seeing someone just open their eyes and talk, could be so moving. Leo cleared his throat and patted Julian’s arm, leaning a little as if looking for support. He looked rather frail, as if all the strain had caught up with him. “I just want to speak to the doctor if I can before we leave.”

“Let me find him. Take a seat.” Before you fall down, Julian nearly added. He waited until Leo had done that. “Pyon?” His kem popped up, nose twitching curiously. “Stay with Leo, will you?” He lifted Pyon down onto Leo’s lap. Nuji appeared too and the two kems cuddled together quite happily. Leo looked up with moist eyes. “I was so afraid,” he whispered. Julian gently squeezed his shoulder. “Me too. He looks bloody horrible, but he’s going to make it. Linis knows it too, that’s why he’s so cheerful.” “True. Yes—they’re wise little things, aren’t you,” he said, patting the two mischiefs in his lap. The doctor took a little while to find, but when she came, she gave them more reassurance. “We should be moving him out of critical care in the next twenty-four hours. Then we can move him down to the orthopaedic ward.” “I’ll pay for a private room and whatever he needs,” Leo insisted. “Then you’ll need to fill out some paperwork. He’s still far from well, you understand, and we’ll have to operate on his leg when he’s stronger.” “How long before he can come home?” Julian asked. She pursed her lips. “At least a month, and he’ll need a good deal of support when he does. You may have to make modifications to his home and so on, but you’ve got plenty of time to organise it. Now I don’t think he’ll be up to any further visits today. Call tomorrow morning and we can update you on his status.” “Thank you, doctor.” Leo turned to Julian. “Let’s go home. We have some planning to do.”

Chapter 2 Leo said he should move out, either to Zachary’s apartment or to a hotel. But when Julian pressed him on it, he admitted he didn’t actually want to leave—he just didn’t want to burden Julian. “But I like you here,” Julian insisted. “It’s not so....” “Lonely?” Leo supplied. “I know what you mean. But my dear boy, you have hardly any space, and you have your own life to lead. I'm an old man, set in my ways. I’ll drive you insane.” Julian looked him in the eye. “You want to live in a hotel? Really? Or in that fridge Zachary calls an apartment? On your own?” “No, I don’t. But I have an obligation—“ “And so do I. Mr Clarke said I had to look after you. So...I am.”

Leo laughed. “Stubborn, stubborn, wonderful boy that you are. Very well, but you must let me do my bit to help.” Julian wondered what he could do, realistically, but agreed happily enough. “Then we don’t talk about this again. You’re staying here while he’s in hospital. After that...we see what he needs, right?” “Exactly.” There was a lot to do, surprisingly. Cleaning out Zachary’s fridge and making sure that the apartment and the utilities were set up for a long absence took the rest of the morning and after another lunch in town, Leo had some essential shopping to do. Hiring a car was briefly considered and rejected because of the problem of parking. And then Leo insisted that he needed to walk and so did Julian. Their kems appreciated the fresh air, but returning to the park brought back bittersweet memories. “It’s going to be ages before he can jog again. Maybe he never will,” Julian said, almost to himself. “He will. He’s a very determined person. So are you. But you owe it to him and to Pyon not to slip back into bad habits.” For the next week, the visits at the hospital remained brief, even after Zachary was moved to a private ward. He spent most of his time asleep, drugged on pain medication and just worn out with the effort of healing. Julian’s role was to act as emotional support to Leo, who was otherwise frighteningly well-organised, and took charge of Julian’s life rather efficiently. He insisted on arranging a cleaner, and found a company who would do all the grocery shopping and deliver it. He wanted Julian not to wear himself out looking after him, and however much Julian insisted he could manage, Leo had his way. He didn’t really mind. All the ferrying back and forth to the hospital, at least twice, if not three times a day, the minor administrative details to do with sorting out Zachary’s affairs, and Leo’s back home, kept him busy, and he was all too aware that active and bright though Leo was, he was still seventy-eight and under a lot more stress than someone that age should be. Zachary was also aware of this and as he grew stronger, spent more time awake, he began to try and make his great-uncle go home. Leo, easily as stubborn as he was, simply refused. “My dear boy,” he finally said in exasperation when Zachary had been more than usually insistent. “What do I have to do that’s more pressing than visiting you?” “I'm fine now,” Zachary said—and this just two days out of surgery to have his femur pinned. “They’re looking after me and I don’t need visitors to get well. Julian, tell him.” “I won’t. You’re being an idiot, Zachary Ledbetter. Shut up and let him fuss. He won’t be told any more than you would.” That had made them—great-uncle and nephew both—look at each other with identical raised eyebrows, and then Leo grinned. “He’s got the measure of you, my boy.” “And you, Uncle Leo.” Zachary lay back on his pillows. Linis, always mindful of the many sore and injured parts of his host, took up a careful position by his cheek. “Will you go back when I get out of here?”

“Perhaps. I rather like this city. I was thinking of buying my own apartment, in fact.” “You were?” Zachary said, blinking. “You are?” Julian asked, equally surprised. “Perhaps,” Leo said, smiling to himself. “Now, don’t concern yourself with me, Zachary.” He held his back and groaned. “Oh dear. I think I’ll just go on a little stroll. I'm all stiff from sitting. Amuse him, will you, Julian? I won’t be long.” Could you be more obvious, Leo? Julian thought, smiling at the old bastard as he faked a hobble out of the room. Zachary wouldn’t look at him, instead petting Linis slowly, his lips thin and annoyed—or perhaps he was in pain. The thigh surgery had been pretty agonising, he’d admitted. “You’ll only upset him if you keep this up, Zachary. He needs to do this.” “I don’t need him—or you. That’s what the doctors are for.” “Oh, so kems need affection and care but humans don’t? You just want to lie here on your back for a month or more on your own?” “I have a laptop and phone. I have things to amuse me.” “Things, yes. I don’t understand why you want to hurt Leo. What did he ever do to you?” Zachary’s eyes widened. “Nothing. I just think a man of his age shouldn’t be wasting time sitting around in hospitals—” “Looking after a nephew he adores and is worried sick about? Yes, it would be so much better for him to fly home and worry himself sick there, without even being able to see you and reassure himself. Look—even Linis wants him here. Stop being an arse.” “One of these days you’ll be one of my subordinates again, Julian.” “Okay, then you can put a complaint in about me then. And Leo can tell Mr Clarke you’re an arse too.” Julian folded his arms and delivered his best glare. “You finished? This is getting boring, Zachary.” “Don’t talk to me about boredom.” “And you want to get rid of the little entertainment visitors can give you? You’re nuts.” Zachary shifted a little, winced as if he was in pain again, which he almost certainly was, despite the medication. “I don’t like depending on people.” “Because people aren’t dependable, I know. Unless they’re you or they’re Leo.”

“Or you,” Zachary said quietly, turning his head so he could look at Julian again. “I don’t know why you’re doing this. We’re not friends. You don’t even like me.” Julian shrugged. “You’ve got a thing about sick kems. Maybe I’ve got a thing about sick people. I'm doing this for Leo, mostly, so don’t get all guilty and rude about it. He worries about you, I worry about him. You just need to get well so we can all move on with our lives.” He was being mean but he was seriously annoyed. ‘Not friends’? Enemies didn’t visit every day for two weeks or look after someone’s elderly great uncle. “Then I will,” Zachary said, chin tilted haughtily. ‘As soon as I'm back in my apartment, your obligation— whatever you conceive that to be—is over.” “If you say so, Mr Ledbetter. I'm going to find Leo and take him to lunch. You sit there and amuse yourself. We’ll be back later.” “No need.” “Zachary, just shut up, will you? Pyon, come on.” Pyon yawned, gave Linis a quick lick, then got up from where he’d been lounging on Linis and Zachary both. Julian fancied Zachary would miss Pyon a lot more than he’d miss Pyon’s host, if Julian stopped coming. He scooped Pyon up and walked out, irritated at Zachary and himself. The man was just such a prickly sod but Julian should be more patient. He knew Zachary was having a tough time but he just never gave up on this crap. He found Leo chatting to one of the patients in the dayroom. “Stiff, my left foot,” Julian muttered as he sat on the arm of one of the sofas. He waited for the patient to wander off and leave them in privacy. “He doesn’t want to talk to me, you know.” “Are you so sure about that, Julian?” “Yes. And I don’t want to talk to him. He’s a stubborn, irritating, irritable, impolite, ungrateful arse.” “What he is, my dear boy, is a very good actor, and does far too good a job at hiding his real feelings.” Julian brushed this explanation away. “Maybe but digging down under the act just hurts him and me both. He doesn’t want me around. He even pulled the ‘I’m a solicitor and you’re just a lowly assistant’ crap on me and seriously, when you’ve seen someone’s backside, they shouldn’t be able to do that anymore.” Leo chuckled and shook his head. “No, they really shouldn’t. Very well—let’s give him a break for a week or so. You could do with it too. I’ve got a little job I need you to do and you can deal with that while I smile and smile and wear him down to the point where he’s begging you to return.” “It’ll never happen.” “Perhaps not, but my nephew isn’t as stubborn as me. I'm sorry he’s upset you, though.”

“I upset him, so we’re even. Why does he have to be like that?” “Because it’s all he knows, and it’s worked well enough until now. He hasn’t figured out yet he can’t do this on his own.” “Well, he’s technically right. He can hire people to help, and the medical staff do all he needs here.” “Not ‘all’, Julian.” Leo offered his arm to him. “Let’s go eat lunch, take a walk, clear our heads. He needs time to think as well.” The ‘little job’ turned out to be researching what was needed to make Zachary’s apartment suitable for a wheelchair-bound man with a broken arm, leg and ribs, and finding out which nursing agency offered the best service. It made a welcome change from the hospital visits, but prowling around Zachary’s home without his presence (or knowledge, Julian was damn sure), poking into his secrets, or watching workmen do that for estimation purposes, was just a little bit creepy. There were no boxes waiting to be unpacked—the spare sterility was just how Zachary chose to live. Julian couldn’t understand how anyone could live like that—not and be a heartless, soulless bastard. Zachary was certainly a bastard—but he had emotions, he cared about kems if not people, and he appreciated beauty. So why did he live like this? Every day, twice a day, Leo visited his nephew on his own, while Julian ran around getting quotes and measurements and booking workmen. Every evening, the two of them went over Julian’s notes to make sure nothing was being done that couldn’t be undone, or that Zachary wouldn’t consider a liberty too far. Then Leo had the thankless task of conveying the decisions to Zachary, conversations which he tried to have in the morning, so he said, so that lunch with Julian could take the taste out of his mouth. For two cents, Julian would have charged up to the hospital and given Zachary a damn hard shake—or possibly a slap—every time Leo showed up looking tired and drawn and clearly worn out from arguing. “Does he really think he can organise this stuff himself when he gets out?” “He doesn’t think he needs any of it.” They’d been discussing the inevitability of live-in attendants, an idea raised with Zachary and immediately vetoed—as had the suggestion of Julian staying with him to help. Leo was too frail to consider the idea, and, he said, he’d probably murder his nephew in under a week. “I think we hire the people and if he complains, you get an order of incompetency slapped on him,” Julian said, stabbed a piece of chicken with his fork and imagining it was one of Zachary’s fingers. “Now there’s an idea. We still have a week or more before he can leave the hospital. I haven’t given up hope of persuading him. Now—I have two other things I need your help with.” “Anything, you know that.” Julian rather liked being Leo’s personal assistant and would be sorry when the old man left. Clerical work seemed rather dull in comparison, even if Zachary was the most annoying invalid on the planet. “Excellent. I think now would be a good time to reconsider the car issue—Zachary has garage space and it will save a lot of time. He’ll be going back and forth for physiotherapy and other appointments and wheelchair taxis take such a long time to arrange.”

“I uh...already started looking into it, actually.” “Of course you did. Julian, you’re very good at this, you know.” Julian shrugged. “It’s a lot more fun than the office. It’ll be hard, going back.” Leo smiled. “I hope you’re in no hurry to because I really do need your help at least until Zachary’s mobile again. So, I’ll let you sort out the car—you’ll be the driver so you have to be happy. The other matter is an apartment.” “I thought that was a joke to wind him up.” “It was—but now I think I would like a place here. There’s an apartment for sale in his building, in fact, and several others in the neighbourhood. I’d like you to arrange viewings for us both.” “You haven’t mentioned this to him, have you?” “No, I thought I’d surprise him.” Julian pulled a face and Leo laughed. “Oh, come on, it won’t be that bad.” “He’s going to throw a tantrum to end all tantrums.” “Well, then, we should make sure it’s worth it. Are you ready for dessert? I think I deserve chocolate today. Definitely chocolate.” It only took a day to locate and purchase a suitable second-hand vehicle, since Julian had already done all the research into the dealers. The following day, Leo and he viewed the vacant apartment in Zachary’s building, and two others nearby. Julian was privy to Leo driving a hard bargain with the agent and the sellers over the first place, and learned it was no secret how his family had hung onto their fortune over several generations. The agent, thinking he was dealing with an amiable, elderly gentleman who wouldn’t stoop to haggling, found out very quickly that Leo was no fool and had no intention of paying a penny more than the property was worth. The offer was accepted that afternoon, to Leo’s delight. “I’d have offered ten thousand more, if they’d pushed it. I really wanted that apartment.” Julian’s mouth fell open in shock. “But you got it for thirty thousand less than asking.” “Well yes, because it wasn’t worth more to anyone else. It was overpriced, but I’d have paid it.” He winked at Julian. “Remember that when you come to invest in property yourself.” “Hah. Me, own an apartment? Maybe when I'm your age.” Leo patted his arm. “You’re only a lad now. Plenty of time. Now—let’s go to the park for a walk and then I want to take you out to the theatre. We both need a treat, I think.” Now they had transport of their own, Julian’s days got even busier, ferrying Leo to the law firm to deal with the conveyancing (and Julian getting a lot of curious questions from his work colleagues when he dropped in to say hello. Pyon was beyond excited, rushing around and greeting all his friends—it was the first time Julian had seen a downside to his unexpected vacation. Not that Pyon had exactly been suffering, but still.)

Then to the hospital, back to Zachary’s apartment to inspect the outfitting or to other appointments to do with Leo’s personal affairs. There was also an incredible amount of furniture and other goods to locate and order for the new apartment. Spending other people’s money was fun, but Julian was heartily sick of refrigerators by the end of it. All of it made easier by Leo’s genial humour and wise approach to the world. Julian felt like he was earning another education, just being with him. He wondered if Zachary appreciated his uncle the way Julian was coming to do. Their irritable invalid was progressing well and after four weeks, his internal injuries had healed. The broken bones would take longer, and he’d require more surgery on them, but the doctors had set a release date target for a week’s time. By then, the modifications to the apartment would be ready, the nursing agency had been lined up to supply attendants, and all Zachary had to do was cope with a wheelchair until his broken arm and ribs healed enough for him to use crutches. It could have been very much worse for him—something else Julian wondered if Zachary appreciated. The plan for today was looking for sofas and armchairs—something they had been doing on and off for a week, but which hadn’t turned up anything Leo liked. Julian would drive him to the hospital for a quick drop in on Zachary, and then out of the city to a designer workshop since it looked like the pieces Leo wanted, might have to be made especially. He was up before Leo, unusually, but as he put the kettle on, Pyon on his shoulders and yawning in his ear, he heard a thin, anxious wailing. He turned, his blood running cold—the last time he’d heard that sound, it had been Linis, panicking over Zachary. Only it wasn’t Linis—it was Nuji, in distress, running back and forth between the kitchen and the bedroom door, and crying. Julian bolted to the bedroom, and found Leo half out of the bed, clearly weak and confused. Asking him what was wrong only got slurred gibberish. Stroke, Julian realised, his heart thudding with fear. He helped Leo lie back on the bed. “Wait, I'm calling an ambulance. Lie still. Nuji, stay with him. Pyon, look after Nuji.” He dialled the emergency number from the bedroom phone. Leo’s eyes were shut, but one hand moved restlessly on the covers. Julian knelt to feel his pulse—it felt too fast to him, but he didn’t know what that meant. He gave the information to the controller who assured him help would be with him soon. “Hold on, Leo. Everything will be fine.” Please let it be fine. He had time to dress before the paramedics arrived. He gave them a quick history while they checked Leo over, put him on oxygen and then they placed him on a gurney to transport him. Nuji disappeared with a quiet squeak, which scared the hell out of Julian until he realised Leo hadn’t suddenly died. “You can ride in the ambulance,” one of the paramedics said. “If you need a lift.” “I’ve got a vehicle and I know the way. I’ll meet you up there.” He ran all the way to Zachary’s building and the car, and then drove as fast as he legally could up to the hospital. When he arrived, Leo was already being seen by a doctor.

“I'm Mr Underwood’s PA,” he told the receptionist. “His only close relative is a patient in this hospital—I'm assistant to both of them,” he lied—well, sort of. “Then perhaps you can fill out the paperwork while we wait for the assessment,” she told him. “Take a seat.” Pyon appeared, making worried little squeaks as Julian tucked him into the crook of his arm, and started on the form. A few seconds later, Nuji ran in, wailing, his tail drooping and sad. Pyon jumped down and began to lick and groom the distressed kem until Julian picked them both up for a cuddle. “What is it with this family?” he asked, not expecting an answer. Zachary had been bad enough—but Leo too? And how would he tell Zachary if Leo...if something bad happened to Leo? He just couldn’t bear the thought. He forced himself to concentrate on the forms, glad he’d taken over enough of Leo’s affairs to be able to help to this degree, but aware that he didn’t actually have the authority to make decisions for him. Zachary would have to, if it came to it. He hoped it wouldn’t. It was more than two hours before a nurse came to find him, and took him to meet the doctor. “We’re admitting Mr Underwood for observation,” the doctor told him. “We think he’s had a mild stroke—what we call a transient ischaemic attack. It’s fortunate you summoned help so fast—it’s made a difference.” “Will he get better?” “Most likely, yes. However the main concern is that he could be heading for a worse stroke, so we want to assess him and see if he needs further treatment before we release him. The odds are good that we can head off a further attack, however. He’s in good health for his age, doesn’t smoke or have heart trouble. The main risk factor is his age.” “And stress? He’s been under a lot of stress lately.” “That won’t help, certainly.” Julian gritted his teeth. “Can I see him?” “In a little while. We’re just setting him into the cardiac ward. Mr Underwood has given authority for you to receive full details of his medical treatment so you’ll be treated as a relative when you come to visit.” “His nephew’s a patient here too.” “So I understand. Will you let him know or do you want our staff to tell him?” “No, I will. Tell Leo...Mr Underwood that I’ll be back soon with his overnight gear and not to worry about anything.” Nuji gave a little meep just then and disappeared. The doctor saw Julian’s expression. “He’s fine—his kem’s just going back to him as is normal. You got Mr Underwood here in time. Go do what you need to and you can see him later.” Julian nodded and the doctor walked off. He couldn’t decide what to do—go back to the apartment and come back or see Zachary first?

Zachary, he decided. He needed to know about this—Leo was his only relative, after all. He found Zachary staring moodily into space, his laptop switched on but ignored. Linis whined and came over for a petting, which earned him a glare from his host. “Where’s Leo? I thought you weren’t coming here any more.” “Leo is in the cardiac ward. He had a stroke, most likely caused by all the worry over you. So pull in the attitude, Ledbetter, I don’t need to hear it.” Zachary’s eyes widened. “S-Stroke? When? How is he? What happened?” He sat up with difficulty. Julian didn’t bother helping him—he wasn’t in a helping Zachary kind of mood. “It happened this morning. They say it’s a minor stroke, but they’re worried about a bigger one so they’ve admitted him.” “Can they treat him? Will he get better? Will he...is it going to happen again?” “I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know. What I do know is that they think the two biggest risk factors are his age and stress. And guess who’s been the main cause of stress for the last month?” He folded his arms and looked at Zachary with distaste. “I didn’t ask to be hit by a car, and I tried to get him to go home.” Zachary’s eyes were as chilly as Julian had ever seen them but they didn’t do a damn thing to intimidate him. “The accident wasn’t your fault. Your attitude is. You’ve been a prize bastard to him ever since he turned up, and now he’s sick. I hope you’re happy. Maybe he’ll die and then you won’t have to worry about anyone visiting you any more.” His breath caught in his throat at the idea of Leo really dying, and he had to turn away so he could wipe his eyes. It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair. “I don’t want him to die. That’s vile of you.” Zachary’s voice was little more than a whisper. “He’d hate you for saying that.” “Maybe but someone needs to. He’s seventy-eight years old, and he’s been coping with your tantrums and your bad moods and your refusal to cooperate all this time. It’s driving him nuts. And now he’s sick.” Julian turned, another snappy comment on his lips, but it died when he saw Zachary’s bleak expression. “I—” Zachary cut him off. “I didn’t want him to get sick. That’s why I wanted him to go home. I knew something like this could happen. I told you I could manage without him or you, but no, you wouldn’t listen. So maybe you’re the one who wanted him to die.” He bit off each word as if it was poison in his mouth. “I didn’t! I...I really like him, a lot. He’s kind of become family. I know why he couldn’t go home while you’re in here. You wouldn’t understand that kind of loyalty.” “And you wouldn’t understand my wish to keep my only living relative safe and sound, would you. You assume that knowing him a month makes you a better nephew than me. Go ahead, claim him. Leave me with nothing

and no one if that makes you happy. Now get out—I need to find my uncle and see him for myself.” He reached for the nurse’s bell, glaring with reddened eyes at Julian. Even Pyon jumping down to cuddle with Linis at the foot of the bed, didn’t soften his expression. “I said, get out.” “No, wait. I'm not trying to steal him from you. You’ve been pushing him away. You push everyone away, me included.” “Considering your behaviour now, why shouldn’t I? Do you want me to have you thrown out?” “You think Leo would want you to do that?” A nurse came to the door. “Yes, Zachary? Is there a problem?” The man turned down the glare to merely haughty as he spoke to the nurse. “My uncle’s had a stroke and has been admitted here—is there any way I can visit him?” “Let me find out. I'm sorry to hear about Mr Underwood.” The nurse ducked out again. Zachary stared over at the window, avoiding Julian’s eyes. “I want you to leave.” “I want to talk to you about this.” “I don’t. This is a family matter now. You’re not family. Just go away and leave us both alone.” Stung, Julian picked Pyon up, who protested at the abruptness, and stalked out, his face hot with anger. No, he wasn’t family. But if Zachary was all Leo could count on, then Leo was in a bad way. He sat in the car, fuming, worried, wondering what he should do. But finally he decided that while Zachary could make decisions for Zachary, he couldn’t make them for Leo—and Julian really was Leo’s PA, for however long that lasted. So he’d be a good PA and look after the old guy, until Zachary managed to persuade him that Julian wasn’t family enough to be bothered with. Back at his apartment, the paramedics had left a mess—not surprising, since they were a little busy saving Leo’s life—so Julian tidied up the litter of packets and plastic, now feeling rather numb and helpless. What if Zachary got him banned? What if he turned Leo against him? What if Zachary decided to go further to remove Julian from his life? He could have him fired—even what Julian had said today would be more than enough for him to do that. Pyon mewled and twisted in his arms—he wanted to climb up to Julian’s shoulder so he could lick his ear. “At least I still have you, right?” Pyon chirped happily but Julian felt his eyes filling with tears. What a mess. He left it for two hours before he called the hospital. Leo was now settled in and expecting him, he was told. That took the decision out of Julian’s hands. Even if Leo only wanted to tell him to get out of his and Zachary’s life, Julian had to let him do that in person. He took a taxi up to the hospital, feeling that he shouldn’t use the car when it was just him, and when maybe he didn’t have the right to use it all any more. He asked for directions to the cardiac wing, and found Leo dozing in a small ward with two other patients. As he approached, Leo opened his eyes and smiled, a little crookedly.

“Julian,” he said, and Julian was relieved beyond measure that the earlier garbled speech had disappeared. Leo’s voice still sounded a little slurred, but it was much better than Julian had dared hope. He looked normal, weary, maybe a touch pale. Frail, certainly. But not dying. Leo reached out a hand and Julian took it. It shook a little, and there was less strength in Leo’s grip but he could still move his hand. He wasn’t paralysed. “I was so worried,” Julian said, his voice choking. “Me too. Frightening.” “How are you feeling?” “Tired. Worried about you. You look dreadful.” “I feel...God, Leo, I thought you were going to....” He bowed his head, and bit his lip. Relief and sadness overwhelmed him. Leo wouldn’t die today. But he still might do, and he was still Zachary’s uncle. Leo patted his head. Then Julian heard a meep, and then Nuji jumped onto his lap, making Pyon squeak excitedly. The two kems embraced like long-lost brothers. “He missed his friend,” Leo said. “Yes, maybe he should get used to it.” He looked up, rubbing his eyes quickly. “I saw Zachary. We, um....” “Yes, he told me,” Leo murmured. He held his hand out again for Julian to take. “He said you were very rude and accused him of wanting me to die.” “I did. I didn’t mean...I just felt he...hasn’t been very thoughtful.” “No. He hasn’t been. I told him the same thing.” “Oh. What did he say?” “Not very much. He asked me to dismiss you, tell you to go back to work, and for me to move into his apartment. I told him he was a bloody stupid young fool and I would do no such thing.” Julian blinked away the tears. “Really?” “Yes, of course. I love Zachary but he’s the last person I want rearranging my personal relationships, especially with people I’ve become so fond of.” Julian pressed Leo’s hand to his cheek, not caring that he was getting it wet. “I thought...he said I wasn’t family. I'm not but I still...care a lot and...if you died...Leo, if you died, I’d be....” He broke down. It had been too much, this morning, with Leo and then Zachary. Leo patted his shoulder. “My dear, dear boy, I'm not going to die. Not yet anyway. The doctors here are almost embarrassed to have me in here, I'm in such rude health.” Julian laughed and then sniffled, scrubbing at his face with his hand.

“Look at me, Julian.” He obeyed, and found Leo regarding him with a kind expression. “I can honestly say that nothing Zachary does or says will ever make a difference to my friendship with you. I want you to know that, believe it. Will you?” Julian nodded. “Good. I'm sure it got a bit fraught—Zachary was very upset too, and not just on his own behalf. He does care. He’s just terrified—of being abandoned, of being lonely, of losing those he loves. And the truth is...at my age, I can’t offer him the reassurances he needs. One day I won’t be around any more. I lie awake at night sometimes and wonder how will he cope, all alone and so unwilling to let anyone come close to him. He’s such a good man, Julian, but so very, very frightened of being hurt again. The world hasn’t been kind to him, and he doesn’t trust it.” “But he makes it worse than it needs to. I want to be his friend and he pushes me away. He wanted to send you away. It’s like he can’t see the connection.” “He probably can’t—or can’t allow himself to. I’ve let him down, I know that. I could have been closer, tried harder, but I let him move away, and then I settled overseas, never thinking that I could have made a difference, when I could and should have. I don’t know how many years I have left to me, but I'm going to change things now. I'm going to live in this city, be close to him, even if he pushes me away. I won’t let him be alone when I can be there.” Julian squeezed Leo’s fingers. “He doesn’t deserve you.” “Yes, he does. And like him, I have a weakness for wounded helpless things, even when I'm pretty helpless myself,” he said with a wry smile. “Will you be able to still stay with me? Can you walk okay?” “I'm fine. They think the symptoms will disappear almost completely, but they’ve put me on some blood thinning medication. I just need to take things easy, but I always do.” “Coming up here three times a day and buying an apartment isn’t taking it easy.” “My boy, you’ve been doing most of the work. But for a little while, I’ll have to ask you to do some more—do you mind?” “Of course not! What do you need?” “I’d like you to take over visiting Zachary, starting now.” Julian took a deep breath, trying to stay calm. “I can’t—he told me to get out. He’ll just call the nurses and make them throw me out.” Leo smiled and tightened his fingers a little in Julian’s grip. “Oh, I think maybe he won’t. Will you try, for me?” “You’re meddling again.” “Unashamedly. But for a good cause, Julian. You see an arrogant, self-assured man with the world at his feet. I see a lonely little orphan, clutching Linis as if he never intended to let go, and refusing to cry at his parents’ funeral. You scared him today. You need to fix it.” “By telling him how sick you were? It’s true!”

“No, by giving into his bluff, and doing as he predicted—walking away. Someone needs to introduce him to the concept of a self-fulfilling prophecy.” “Yes, they do. Okay, I’ll try, but I can’t make him see me.” “I know. Use Pyon. He can’t resist your little kem any more than I can.” Pyon stuck his fluffy head up in enquiry, hearing his name. “Yes, you, mischief. Go help Julian mend some fences.” Pyon chirped and ran up the bed so he could lick Leo’s chin. Leo laughed and Julian grinned as he lifted his cheeky kem off the sick man’s chest. “I’ll come back afterwards.” “Yes, do. It’s boring in here.” “Brought you some books,” Julian said, taking them out of the holdall, and placing the other personal items in the locker. “I didn’t know what you’d like, but there’s a few different ones.” Leo shook his head in amazement. “Julian, you’re simply a treasure. Now, off you go.” He couldn’t face Zachary immediately. He needed to think, and make sure he could stay calm. He walked outside the hospital, sat on a brick wall of a flower bed, stared up at the brilliant summer sky. The season was almost over. By the time Zachary was well again, it would be nearly winter. Leo was staying. Leo was old and had just had a stroke, and was possibly the best friend Julian had ever had. And he had a prick of a nephew who needed him too. Needed him so much he was too scared to let him come close because he was bound to lose him. Julian’s family were all alive, even his grandparents. No one had ever died on him. The worst thing that had ever happened to him was messily breaking up with his boyfriend at University, and the two of them were sleeping with other people before the week was out. Zachary and Leo had brought Julian the closest he’d ever come to losing anyone who meant a damn thing to him. And it hurt. How much more must it have hurt for Zachary? Losing his parents, then his grandparents—who knew how many other people had died or deserted or dumped him? How many people had Zachary driven away before they got a chance to do it to him? At least one, Julian thought miserably. And not without reason. Going in with guns blazing to a sick man’s room and delivering bad news with one hand and a slap across the face with the other didn’t make him a prince in the slightest. Pyon howled quietly, twining around his legs. He’d been off looking for other kems and exploring, and now he’d come back to the only person he really loved and trusted. Who he believed in the deepest part of his kemmish heart, would never leave him or hurt him. “I did hurt you, though,” Julian whispered. For the same reason as he’d hurt Zachary. Pure and utter thoughtless selfishness. He sighed and picked Pyon up, nuzzled his soft fur. “I don’t deserve you, little fella.” Pyon just licked his face. Deserve, don’t deserve, didn’t come into it with kems. They were stuck with you until you died. People were different.

He popped Pyon onto his shoulder, and stroking his kem’s fluffy tail, he walked back inside and went up to the orthopaedic wing. He was a little surprised to see Zachary in a wheelchair, wearing a rather nice deep blue bathrobe, with Linis sitting sedately on his lap. He’d progressed a lot in the couple of weeks since Julian had last visited with Leo. Zachary’s expression became stony as he saw Julian come in. He pressed the control on the wheelchair which turned it, motored over to the window, but said nothing. Julian cleared his throat. “I, uh...saw Leo. He looks okay.” Nothing. He walked into the room a little way. “Zachary, I'm sorry. Those things I said, they were revolting.” “You meant them, though. Every word of them. You’re only sorry because Leo didn’t approve. He did though. Agreed with you that I'm disgustingly selfish and cruel.” “He never said that. He’d never say that, and he doesn’t think it. I don’t...I really don’t think that. Selfish yes, not disgustingly selfish. And you don’t mean to be cruel, you just...are, sometimes, because you want the best and you don’t seem to realise we’re all just human.” “Believe me, I'm very aware of that. I thought I told you to go away.” “Yes, you did. But if I go away, I can’t apologise or talk to you, or see how you are, and ask if you’re still worried about him, or if your leg hurts, can I?” Zachary turned the wheelchair around. As he did, Linis leapt off and came over to Julian. Pyon hopped down and the two kems began to lick and groom each other, eyes half-closed in pleasure. A sight which once had delighted Zachary, now made his lips thin with anger. “You subvert my uncle, you subvert Linis, you insinuate yourself into my home and my life, and now you want to be my friend? Why? So you can teach me a lesson? Take away everything that’s mine and show me how I'm supposed to live? What do you want, Julian? Gratitude?” He spat the last word out at Julian, his eyes stormy. “You make it sound like this is some kind of evil plan! I never expected any of this! You think I wanted you to have an accident?” “I think you’re exploiting an opportunity. I’ve known people like you.” “No, you just think you have. I'm not the ones who hurt you, lied to you, cheated you. I'm just...ordinary. Someone who thought you were a prick and got caught up in this situation, and got to know your uncle, and you, and Linis, and this is hurting me too! You think I don’t know how afraid you are that Leo might die? Do you know what we went through when we thought you would? I cried with relief, you bastard! So did he!” A nurse put his head around the door. “Zachary? Is there a problem? Mr Godwin, you’re being very loud.” “I'm sorry,” Julian mumbled, staring at the ground. Could this day get any worse? “There’s no problem, thank you,” Zachary said coldly. “We’re just discussing...family matters.” “All right.” The man gave Julian a slightly reproving look and then went away.

Julian walked over to the chair and sat down. “I'm not exploiting anyone. I know you don’t believe me, but I just...fell into this. Like everything else in my life. Like the job. I never wanted to be a legal assistant, but a history degree didn’t give me many options.” “Do something else then.” “Like what? I'm not made of money like you. Another degree would be expensive, and I’ve got loans and things to repay. I want to travel, not that it’ll ever happen. That’s about the only plan I’ve ever made, Zachary. You were an accident. So was Leo.” “How can you live so chaotically?” Julian shrugged. “It’s worked okay to now.” “Leo’s relying on you, and yet you don’t plan, you don’t think, you say things which hurt and then pretend you didn’t mean them—“ “And you don’t?” “No. I always mean them. I sometimes...don’t realise how hurtful they are.” “You know well enough telling someone to go away, they’re not family, hurts. You know pulling the status thing is a bitchy thing to do and you keep doing it.” “If you’ve come here again to tell me my shortcomings, Julian, let me assure you I am in no way under any illusion that people think of me as charming. Now, you’ve satisfied honour and Uncle Leo’s request, so you can leave. And this time, don’t come back.” Julian folded his arms. “Uh uh. I’ll leave when Linis tells me to, and he’s happy. You? You have no idea what you want so I'm not listening to you. Someone who’s afraid of being alone and who drives away anyone who wants to be friends, is crazy. Your kem has good sense, though. I’ll listen to him.” “I’ll have you removed.” “No you won’t. You could have done that earlier—twice you could have done it, but you didn’t. You know what I think? If you wanted me to leave, Linis would tell me. You said yourself, they know your heart.” He looked pointedly down at the two happy kems, lost in a grooming and cuddling ecstasy. “If you want me to leave, ask Linis to tell me.” Zachary hissed and turned the wheelchair around to face the window. Linis looked up—and then went back to licking Pyon as if his life depended on it. Julian decided he could be a stubborn arse too, if he wanted to be. “We’ve finished your bathroom—the plumber found a leak in the pipe work, could have cost you thousands to fix if he hadn’t dealt with it. The hoist arrived yesterday, looks like a lot of fun. I'm getting used to parking the damn car, but I hope Leo doesn’t want to keep it because it’s really ugly, and people stare at you when you reverse into a spot. I—” “What do I have to do to make you go away?”

Julian took a deep breath. “Really want it, Zachary. And really, really mean it. Really want me never to come back, never to see Pyon, never to help Leo again, out of your life and your hair and your apartment. You turn around, face me, make me believe it. And make me believe it’s not just fear, getting your retaliation in first. That’s all you have to do, and I’ll go.” Nothing. The silence dragged on and on. Zachary’s head was bowed, but not a sound emerged. Linis suddenly stopped grooming Pyon and with a sad little squeak, ran over to Zachary and jumped up onto his lap. Pyon trotted over and joined him. Two kems, eh? You’re really worrying them. He walked over and stood so he could see Zachary’s face—or would if the man looked up. “Zachary? Do you want me to go? Really?” Zachary stared at Pyon and Linis on his lap. “You’ll leave anyway. Leo will die. You’ll die. How can I...only Linis will stay,” he whispered. “Only him. People leave.” Julian crouched down and put his hand over Zachary’s, resting on Linis’ fur. Now he could see the man’s face, the red eyes and the tears glistening on his lashes. “Everyone dies, Zachary. It’s a fact of life. I can do everything I can to live at least as long as Leo, longer, but in the end.... But you know, I think you’re wrong about kems. I think they live on.” Zachary wiped his nose with his sleeve. “Why?” “Well, they don’t have sex, don’t reproduce, but they all seem to know each other, like each other. Where do they come from? I think they must...pass on, somehow.” “Doesn’t matter. I still won’t have him...God, I...if Leo died...I was...it....” His face screwed up against the fresh tears, and Julian just couldn’t stand it anymore. He put his arms around Zachary’s waist as best he could. “You were scared?” “Like...it was like...when Grandfather came in to tell me that Mama and Papa...I felt so helpless. I just...I don’t want to feel that way, Julian. It hurts, and I can’t bear it.” Julian stood but only so he could hug Zachary a little better, the man’s head resting on his stomach. He stroked the thick, dark hair. “I don’t know what it’s like but I can guess. I really, really shouldn’t have told you that way. I'm sorry. Really sorry.” “C-Can you let go of me, please?” Julian obeyed and stepped back. Zachary’s face was now red as well as wet. “Sorry. I didn’t mean—” “No...I...I appreciate...I just...don’t like being touched.” Julian blinked. This guy was even more screwed up than he’d imagined. What had his grandparents done, beaten him with sticks every day or something? “I just—“

“I know, I....” He looked up, his expression devastated. “I’ve never said any of that to anyone. I'm so ashamed.” “If you think I'm going to look down on you, you’re wrong.” Linis sat up and began to delicately lick the tears from Zachary’s chin. Zachary tried very hard not to look at him or Julian or anything, his embarrassment painful to see. If he really hadn’t told anyone any of that...that was a pretty scary thought in itself. “Hey, do they let you go outside in that thing?” Zachary wiped his nose again. “Uh...I have no idea. Why?” “Well, maybe we could go out to the garden, have some fruit juice or something, let Linis get some fresh air, and then we could swing by Leo’s bed and see how he’s doing.” “I don’t—” “We never did get that walk in the country park together. Come on—it’s a gorgeous day outside. Did they feed you? Would you like lunch?” He chivvied and persuaded, obtained the nurses’ permission so Zachary couldn’t use that as an excuse, and finally managed to manoeuvre Zachary, his chair and their kems down a lift and outside into a little garden not far from the canteen. He found a spot that offered a little shade, since it was hot as well as sunny, and then rushed off to find juice for them both, a sandwich for himself since they’d already fed Zachary. He returned to find Zachary lost in thought and the kems rolling around on the grass, a third creamy coloured one who’d appeared from somewhere, joining in the fun. “Here you go.” He opened the bottle of orange juice, since Zachary was still one-handed, and passed it to him. Zachary accepted it without a word. Julian sat on the grass and opened his sandwich pack. He thought it best to leave Zachary alone for a bit. It had been a rough day for everyone. He finished his sandwich and set the pack on the grass, lying down on his back, head pillowed on his arms so he could watch the kems playing. Pyon immediately had to investigate and Linis strolled over too, though with much more dignity. Their new friend wandered off but Pyon didn’t notice, far too fascinated by the crinkly sound the plastic sandwich pack made and the way it moved when he batted it. Linis yawned—this wasn’t his thing at all—and then to Julian’s surprise, he walked over and up onto Julian’s stomach, where he perched, serenely surveying Pyon’s antics. “Well, your highness. Comfortable?” Linis stared back with his great golden eyes as if to say Julian was a peasant and should be grateful to be so honoured. Pyon spotted Linis’ long tail draped over Julian’s side—and pounced. Julian suddenly found his stomach had become a battleground for the two kems fighting for dominion over Linis’ appendage, bouncing up and down on him like he was a fleshy trampoline and paying absolutely no attention to either of their humans. Julian was too amused to seriously try to stop them, and rather amazed at the dignified Linis getting down and dirty with Julian’s impolite little kem.

He glanced over at Zachary—and found the man watching it all with a rather sad look on his face. “He’s never done that with anyone else,” Zachary said wistfully. “He does, you know. He plays with Nuji and Leo all the time. Maybe you...maybe if you gave him the opportunities?” He was trying to word it in such a way that didn’t make it sound like ‘if you weren’t such an antisocial bastard, your kem would have more fun’ but he suspected he hadn’t succeeded. “I’ve tried to give him everything he needs and what he was missing was company. What a boring life for him.” Julian sat up, and the kems toppled off his stomach, only to take their mock war to the grassed area. Pyon, smaller and faster, was getting away with murder. Cheeky brat. “No, I don’t think it has been, honestly. It’s just that he’s been under a lot of stress and he turned to us for help. Look, he’s going back to you already. He likes Pyon. He loves you.” Linis jumped up onto Zachary’s lap and made it very clear that he wanted a cuddle and his host’s attention. Pyon played a little longer with the plastic packet before Julian got up and took the litter to the bin. Then Pyon climbed up his leg and also demanded a cuddle. It had been a tough day for the kems too. Julian picked up a chair from the canteen and dragged it over. Zachary petted Linis absently, his eyes lost. “You’re kind of looking at this backwards, you know,” Julian said. “In what way?” “You think me being around means there’s less of Leo and Linis for you, but there’s more. More people and kems for both of you.” Zachary gave a one-shouldered shrug. “And when I'm better?” “Up to you. Leo says he’s going to live here now. I’ll want to be in touch with him wherever he ends up.” “Here? Where?” Damn, Leo hadn't told him. Julian smiled. “Oh...he bought an apartment in your building. On the floor above you.” “He what?!” “Shhh!” Julian waved at him frantically, looking around to see if hospital security was curious about the shouting. “You heard me. He wanted to be close to you and he doesn’t drive. It’s a good location. You don’t have to see him if you don’t want to, but considering the tantrum you just threw, that’d be a bit stupid.” “Did you put him up to it?” “Zachary, your conniving old great uncle runs rings around me. I just trail around behind him making fish impressions.” He demonstrated and raised a small smile in his companion. “He wants to spend the rest of his life close to you. Why is that a bad thing?” “He didn’t before.”

“He wanted to. You should ask him about your grandparents, I think.” “Sounds like you and he have done little else but discuss me and my private affairs.” “Strangely enough, that’s what happens when you have to look after someone who nearly died. Mr Ledbetter, you’re being a prick. Again.” Zachary nodded, as if that was fair comment—Julian had expected him to go off about it. “Hey, that wasn’t a serious...you don’t have to let me insult you. You can argue back, I won’t walk off unless you get really nasty.” Zachary looked up. “But I will and you will.” “I’ll come back. Until Linis says not to. He’s a smart little guy, your kem.” He reached down and stroked Linis’ exquisite fur. The kem trilled and arched into his hands. Julian looked up and found Zachary staring. “Okay?” “Okay.” His voice wobbled a little. He wasn’t as calm as he’d like Julian to believe, but Julian didn’t want to shred all Zachary’s defences—just the ones which were getting in the way of his own happiness. “Great! So, let’s go pester Leo. He’s bored stiff and it’s been all of eight hours.” Zachary managed a smile. “It was lucky the car ran over me and not him.” “You have a very strange definition of luck, Mr Ledbetter.”

And just like that, Zachary stopped making it difficult to organise his return to the apartment. Part of it was because Leo would live there too for a bit, since it made sense that if they were hiring full-time attendants, they should keep an eye on Leo as well and take the strain off both of them. But part of it seemed to be that Zachary accepted the good will behind the arrangements. He wasn’t exactly enthusiastic, but that was a lot more than Julian expected from anyone having their home turned upside down, and facing weeks and weeks of disability and painful rehabilitation. But he was cooperative about decisions, and offered opinions when asked, and made suggestions when it was appropriate. Leo was amazed—and grateful. Julian was grateful too because it took a lot of stress from Leo, and that made Julian a lot less worried. Having both of them poorly made for extra running around. Leo had almost daily doctor’s visits for checkups the first week after he was allowed out of hospital, and the doctor had insisted he cut down visits to his nephew to once a day, so Julian had to make up the shortfall—but he didn’t mind at all. He felt needed and respected, and for the first time in his adult life, like he actually made a difference to someone who wasn’t related to him. That the office had covered his absence so easily was kind of insulting, but not that much of a surprise. But if he stopped helping Leo and Zachary, it would hurt them a lot. He wasn’t exactly irreplaceable, but he was more than a convenience. He found he liked having that kind of responsibility, and wondered how he’d replace it when Zachary was fit and could do whatever Leo needed doing. Release day didn’t go completely smoothly. Julian absolutely forbade Leo to be involved at all, and told him to stay in the apartment and rest while he settled Zachary in. It turned out to be a wise decision. There wasn’t an out and out disaster—just lot of small irritations. The building manager had locked the service elevator, so Zachary had to wait in the car for nearly an hour before the man was found. A couple of the doors which they thought would be wide enough for the electric wheelchair, weren’t, and had to be removed from their hinges.

Zachary realised he wouldn’t be able to cook in the kitchen after all, despite the ramp allegedly making this possible, and that meant he’d have to rely on his attendants or Leo or Julian. That was the closest he came to losing his icy coolness, after so long being preternaturally patient with all the annoyances. But Leo saved the day by sweeping in with an airy insouciance, ordering an exquisite and healthy meal from a local restaurant while declaring he never cooked at home, and that Zachary should enjoy the luxury while he was around. The attendants were given two hours off while Leo, Julian and Zachary had their lunch. Since Leo looked rested and was at his most charming and amusing, the food was good, and Linis and his two friends decided that the modifications and hoists were all specially installed kem toys, Zachary’s ill-temper slowly melted away under the relentless barrage of things not going wrong and the playfulness of the kems. He even allowed himself some cheesecake. “Full of eggs, don’t you know?” Leo said, grinning at his nephew. “Good for recovering patients.” “Full of fat and sugar, Uncle Leo.” “So? You’re skin and bones, Zachary. A little of what you fancy....” “A little, yes.” He glanced sideways at Julian, before adding, “Uh...but thank you for the meal.” “Not at all. Thank you for letting me stay. Julian, I'm afraid our next task is organising the removal of my worldly goods from my old place, to here. I’ve decided maintaining the old apartment as a pied-a-terre is just too self-indulgent and I want my books.” “My next task, Leo,” Julian said firmly. “Our next task.” Julian looked at Zachary in surprise. “What do you mean?” “I want to help. It’s only my leg and arm that have been damaged, not my brain. Frankly, I could do with the activity.” “Very well,” Leo said, clapping his hands together, “my two favourite young people can take this tedious task away from me with pleasure. I’ll assign myself to kem sitting. Zachary, your help with my legal affairs would be appreciated too. They’ve appointed some fellow down at your firm, but he’s not got your brain.” “Of course, Uncle.” Julian cleared his throat. “Uh, Leo...maybe with Zachary back home and with the live-in helpers and everything...I could go back to work now. I can still help you in the evenings. Zachary’s secretary is supposed to be coming around to help him ease back into things, and she could—” Leo turned to his nephew. “Zachary? What do you think?” “I think Julian accepted a responsibility and he should see it through to the end.” Julian started to seethe at the cool remark, but then Zachary added, “Linis doesn’t like my secretary. He likes you. I trust Linis’ opinion.” And he smiled a little, the tired, drawn smile of a man who’d had a hell of a day but who’d managed to stay calmer than anyone could have reasonably expected.

Leo beamed and patted Zachary’s hand. “As you should, my dear boy, as you should. I'm sorry, Julian—Messrs Clarke, Saxony and Markham shall just have to do without you for a while longer because I don’t intend to do without you.” Pyon, sitting on Julian’s shoulder, squeaked excitedly and then decided to rearrange Julian’s hair in a bout of frenzied hair licking that made him fall off his perch. Julian caught him and laughed. “Okay. I didn’t want to go back anyway.” “Then stop suggesting it and fetch our boy his pills. Now, don’t give me that face, Zachary, or I’ll ask that beefy Mr Sanet to administer them rectally. The doctor was quite happy with either route.” “Uncle Leo!” Julian just cuddled Pyon and grinned to himself. He doubted Leo would carry out the threat but was it bad of him to want to see him try?

“You want me to take over?” Zachary’s lip tightened, but then he nodded. “Sorry. This is a lot harder than it looks.” “I know it is,” Julian said, putting his hands on the push handles of the wheelchair. He waited for Zachary to get his arms safely tucked in, and then he started to push. Personally, he thought Zachary should have stopped a while ago, but the man was so determined to build up fitness. He’d graduated to crutches just two days before but he wasn’t allowed to bear weight yet. His healed arm was so weak that he had to be careful with that as well. Wheelchairs would be a part of his life for some time yet, much to Zachary’s chagrin. But it could be worse. At least the hated attendants had been banished for all but an hour a day to help with bathing, and it had been agreed just that morning that even that assistance could be dispensed with in two or three days. Zachary could now go to the toilet more or less unaided, get in and out of the wheelchair without needing to be lifted, and sit in a normal chair as long as he liked. Julian chafed along with him at the tiny, slow steps of progress, but at least there was progress. Zachary wasn’t independent yet, but it wouldn’t be long. Today, Leo had chased them out of the apartment to get some fresh air without him. A friend, coming through on a flying visit, wanted to take him out to lunch, and Leo insisted he didn’t need a bodyguard for a few hours. He looked well, and the doctors thought he was no more at risk now of a stroke than he had been—it wasn’t nil, but all precautions had been taken. Zachary had insisted, however, that the man wear a medical alert around his neck when he wasn’t with someone else, and Leo, realising the necessity and the reassurance value, had agreed without the slightest argument. The two of them had come to an understanding that wasting time in futile bickering, was something neither of them could afford any more. That realisation might have come late but it wasn’t too late, much to Julian’s profound relief. So they’d taken themselves, belatedly, out to the country park for a picnic—the longest expedition Zachary had had since he’d left hospital. Up to now, they’d made do with Twyford Park, which was better than nothing, but the routine of physiotherapy appointments and other commitments, had stopped them organising something that involved a longer excursion. But finally, finally, they’d cleared a whole day, Leo was safe and had plenty to amuse him, the weather was warm and beautifully autumnal, and Zachary was now mobile and free enough from pain to really benefit from a longer trip.

Zachary being Zachary, he insisted on it being useful too. He’d taken a turn on the crutches, and pushed himself along in the wheelchair for nearly an hour. But now he was sweating and tired, and Julian could now easily read the signs that he’d done too much and needed a break. Sure enough, Linis, who’d been off exploring with Pyon among the undergrowth, suddenly bounded up and leapt gracefully onto Zachary’s lap. Linis being an infallible barometer of Zachary’s well-being, Julian had learned very early on to pay close attention to him. Zachary remained silent as they walked along the leafy, dapple-shaded path through the little wood, back to where Julian had parked the car. His hands stroked Linis for a bit but then fell still, and when Julian checked, he saw Zachary had his eyes closed. “Tired?” he whispered, not wanting to wake him up if he had fallen asleep. But Zachary nodded—so he wasn’t asleep. “Yes. Quite a bit, I'm afraid.” “Want to head back?” “No. We haven’t had lunch, and Leo isn’t expecting us. Just give me time to catch my breath.” That suited Julian just fine—he was in no hurry to go back to the apartment and all his responsibilities. The coming week would be a busy one—the first consignment of Leo’s possessions was arriving and would have to be cleared through customs, then inspected before delivery. Zachary had some intensive therapy sessions to attend, and now they were getting rid of all attendants, it would mean more little tasks for Julian to do. Not that he minded, but he was glad he lived so close by. Some nights, he barely made it through his front door before he collapsed, dead on his feet. One of the few perks of Zachary being in a wheelchair was disabled parking spaces, more of a necessity than a luxury. It had let Julian park not far from a pleasant picnic area, and since they had come out of season and on a weekday, they had it mostly to themselves. He installed Zachary at a table in the sun, since Zachary preferred that, and then fetched the picnic basket, Pyon nosing around inquisitively. “Go away, nuisance, you can’t eat this stuff, you know that.” Pyon chirped and flicked an ear. “I know what you’re thinking. Don’t be rude,” Julian said, wagging his finger at his naughty kem, who decided the best way to deal with it was to lick it and bat it with a paw. Julian laughed and scratched Pyon’s head. “Come on.” Zachary perked up a little at the sight of the food—he’d worked up an appetite through all the exercise. Leo had continued to insist on having everything catered, so the only meal they prepared at all, was breakfast. Julian almost missed cooking for himself, but he had to admit, it took a lot of strain off him. If Zachary’d had to allow a stranger to trawl through his kitchen and cook for him in his own home, it would have sent him around the twist. He had already started to make noises about making a meal for them all soon—but it would have to wait until he could stand unaided. Julian set everything out on the table, but carefully didn’t serve Zachary so much as a breadroll. As soon as the cast was off his broken arm, the man had insisted—and pretty damn rudely too—that he would serve himself from now on, or starve. It was one of the battles not worth fighting, so no one had bothered to argue with him. Even if he struggled with a bottle or a can top, Julian just carried on talking to Leo and pretended to ignore Zachary completely. Zachary, naturally, was far too stubborn to ask for help but it had done him no real harm beyond not having a favoured food item now and then.

But Zachary managed just fine nowadays. He’d been working intensively to regain strength and mobility in his upper body, and the second the doctors allowed him to bear weight, Julian was sure he’d be back at the gym, rebuilding his wasted leg muscles. The lack of exercise made him fret almost more than any other thing he’d suffered over this mess. They ate in peaceful silence, the sounds of the park more than enough entertainment for them. The kems lazed in the sun, being petted as their hosts ate. It was a day for a beer and a long sleep, Julian thought regretfully. But he didn’t drink at all these days, not with the car, and he didn’t dare go to sleep while he had Zachary to look after. He cleared up and wondered if he should suggest another walk. But Zachary still looked tired, and was apparently comfortable. Activity for activity’s sake seemed really pointless, so Julian just cleared up the picnic, dumped it in the car, then came back and plopped down beside Zachary on the bench seat. Pyon climbed into his lap and squeaked. “Yes, yes, cuddles coming up.” He picked his kem up and hugged him, rubbing his chin on Pyon’s head. “Greedy little thing. You should go to Zachary, he gives good cuddles.” He dropped Pyon onto Zachary’s lap, which made the man lift an eyebrow. “‘m tired. You look after him.” “How irresponsible of you, Mr Godwin.” Julian just raised a finger at him. “Oh, charming.” “I'm tired. You like petting him. Off you go.” Pyon was more than happy to, and after shaking his head in disgust at Julian’s laziness, Zachary was perfectly content to have two kems on his lap. Julian stretched back on the seat and tried not to show how nice it felt when Zachary stroked Pyon’s fur. It was a bit like...a feather, being dusted lightly down his skin, with a faint sense of contentment that was pure kem underneath it. Normally he didn’t notice it that much, especially when he was doing other things, but when he relaxed and concentrated, he could let himself drift along with it quite nicely. It had become his secret delight, a little treat he allowed himself, usually after dinner, just before he and Pyon had to haul themselves home. Zachary always seemed to end up with two or even all three of the kems on his lap or his shoulder, and of course, he was never too tired to pat and play with them. After a long day, for Julian, it was nearly as good as a hot bath. Suddenly Linis yawned, stood up and stretched, then picked his way carefully over to Julian, pausing only to exchange a quick lick and chirp with Pyon who stayed exactly where he was. “What’s this all about...Linis?” The big kem plonked himself down on Julian’s lap and stared up at him with his saucer-like eyes. “Zachary, what’s he doing?” “I guess he thought you weren’t doing enough work,” Zachary said, his expression going a little stiff. “Linis, leave him be. He’s done a lot today.” But Linis merely yawned again and then made himself quite comfortable on Julian’s stomach. “I tried,” Zachary said. “Huh.” Julian scratched Linis under his fluffy chin. “No one in your family will leave me alone for a second,” he grumbled, stroking the soft, black-tipped fur carefully, occasionally brushing it back to reveal the pale cream

underfur. Linis was the handsomest kem he’d ever seen, and definitely the biggest. He was simply gorgeous to pet. Zachary said nothing for a bit, apparently absorbed in combing his fingers through Pyon’s admittedly less luxuriant fur. But just as Julian had lost himself in the delightful feel of Linis’ pelt, the man said something in a quiet voice. “Huh? I didn’t catch—“ “I asked, do you want us to?” “Want you to what?” “Leave you alone.” “Don’t be an arse, Zachary. It was just a joke.” “I know. I just...Leo and I have completely monopolised you for over two months. When was the last time you saw one of your friends? Even spoke to them?” “Right now. You’re a friend.” Julian glared at his companion. “What are you getting at?” “Nothing. Don’t get angry, but I’ve just been...you look tired, Julian. Not just now but...even Leo mentioned it to me last night.” “I'm fine. No one’s forcing me to do this, you know that.” “No, I know. It’s all been a bit of an accident, in more ways than one.” Julian shrugged. “That’s how life works. I'm happy, Zachary. I’d tell you if I wasn’t.” “Of course. I...would you mind giving Linis back?” Julian frowned, but obeyed, much to the kem’s displeasure. Zachary handed Pyon over with almost indecent haste. “No need to be jealous—he still loves you best.” “It’s not....” Zachary didn’t seem angry, as such, but his face had gone rather red. “Something wrong? Are you okay?” “I'm f-fine.” The stutter meant that was a flat out lie. “Are you sure? I wasn’t hurting him, you know th—” “C-can we not talk about this?”

Pyon whined miserably. Linis got off Zachary’s lap again and came over to lick him. “Linis!” Zachary snapped. “Come back.” His kem turned around and gave him a dirty look. “Linis!” That was two firsts—Linis disobeying Zachary, and Zachary actually being sharp with his beloved companion. “Damn it, Zachary,” Julian said, beginning to be a little worried by all this, “calm down. It’s not like he’s going to run off. Linis, go back, he’s upset.” Linis yawned and ignored him. Julian, flummoxed by this uncharacteristic reaction, gave Zachary an appeasing smile. “He’s just in a funny mood. Maybe you should ask him to go inside for a bit.” “I—“ Zachary’s mouth snapped shut. “He can do what he likes.” His hands were grasped tightly in his lap, his cheeks still bright red. Julian suddenly realised what was going on. Zachary was aroused. Because Linis— Oops. It didn’t have that effect on Julian but then Pyon was smaller and.... He picked his kem up and dropped him on Zachary’s stomach, then nudged Linis over to him as well. “I'm just going to the loo. Mind them, will you? Pyon, stay with Zachary. Linis, you stay too. I really don’t need you to watch me pee.” Zachary blushed even harder. Julian walked away quickly before he made it all so much worse by laughing. “Oh boy,” he said to himself as he hid behind the rather ugly toilet block and gave Zachary—and everything else—time to settle down. The man didn’t like being touched, and Julian had been sitting there virtually giving him a handjob. He hadn’t meant to, but Linis was irresistibly touchable. The irony was that Julian had to stop himself touching Linis’ host about a dozen times a day because it came naturally to him, and because in his own prickly way, Zachary was pretty damn touchable too. All he could do now was pretend nothing had happened—and keep his hands off Zachary’s kem, or at least keep them off when Zachary wasn’t concentrating on anything else. Zachary had the worst personal space issues of anyone Julian had ever met. He’d probably never let anyone else close enough to pet Linis before but Julian sure as hell wasn’t going to be the one to explain how this kem touching thing worked. That was what Leo was for. He stayed long enough to make it credible that he’d been caught short, and then walked slowly back. Both kems were sitting on Zachary now, and to Julian’s relief, Linis showed no further sign of making advances on him. What had got into the big guy’s head? Kems were so damn weird sometimes. Zachary wouldn’t quite meet his eye. “Sorry,” Julian said, faking cheerfulness. “I think Leo needs to stop buying so much good food.” “If you’re feeling unwell, perhaps we should go back.” “I'm fine—how are you? What would you like to do?” “I....” “Another walk?”

Zachary nodded, so Julian set up the wheelchair again, Zachary transferred from the bench to the chair and off they went, in a different direction from the morning. The kems soon rushed off to play, leaving the humans to walk along in uncomfortable silence. Not for the first time, Julian reflected on the fact that Zachary was a really poor conversationalist. He would never talk about anything remotely personal, and while he’d readily offer his opinion on other matters, particularly kems, or any subject which didn’t touch him directly, he wouldn’t express his thoughts about what he liked or disliked unless he was pressed. Even then, it was like pulling teeth. Julian figured it was as good a day as any to learn a little more about his companion. “So,” he asked eventually, after they’d walked for half an hour or so. “Let’s play a little game. You can ask me any three questions you like and I have to answer them truthfully, and then I get to ask you three.” “Why?” “Is that one of the three questions?” “I don’t like this game. Why do you want to?” “Because I’ve spent all this time with you and I don’t even know stuff like when you first kissed a girl, or what was your favourite subject at school, or even your favourite colour.” “None of that’s important.” “Yes, it is. It’s about you, who you are, what made you. Come on, Zachary, you owe me. Don’t be such a tight arse.” He looked down and saw a muscle working hard in Zachary’s long jaw. “And don’t get mad with me. It’s just conversation.” “Exactly. Trivial nonsense to while away the time. What’s wrong with silence? What’s wrong with solitude? I think I miss that more than anything else, the chance to just get the hell away from other people and have some privacy. And you want this...this...experience to be even more invasive of my privacy?” Julian stopped and walked around in front of the chair. “Hey! None of this has been set up to invade anything. I thought we were friends now.” Zachary pursed his lips. “I suppose we are.” “‘Suppose’? You’re cold, Zachary.” “People don’t interest me. You already know this about me. What else could anyone need to know?” “I think you’re a damn liar.” Zachary’s eyes narrowed dangerously. “Perhaps we should just go back.” “I want to go to the lake. We’ve walked this far, why should I miss out because you’re a misanthropic prick?” “This isn’t new information. I don’t need you to keep repeating it. I already know what people think of me.”

“Do you now.” He walked back behind the chair and began to push it again. Zachary stared straight ahead and ignored him. “You didn’t know Leo cared so much about you, so you’re wrong about knowing what people think.” “‘People’ as in ‘strangers’—like you.” “You’re wrong about me, too. Go on, tell me what you think I think of you.” “Please choose something else to discuss.” The words practically had icicles hanging off each syllable, but Julian never let that scare him before. “Why? Who died and made you the boss? I work for Leo, not for you. And technically, not for him either. I’ll talk about what I like.” “Then you’ll do it without my assistance. Discussing people’s opinions is of no interest to me at all.” Julian resisted the opportunity to slap his annoying companion upside his perfectly groomed head. “Go on— ask me three questions. I might surprise you.” “I very much doubt that.” “Stop being a prick, Mr Ledbetter.” “Stop calling me that, it’s vulgar.” Julian quickly ran through all the other words he could have used, and decided ‘prick’ was polite as he was going to get today. “Three questions. I’ll take the risk of boring you.” “God, you’re persistent. Very well. The same things you mentioned before—first kiss, favourite subject, and favourite colour. And don’t take that as an indication I have the slightest interest in any of it.” “First kiss with a boy or a girl? Or any?” He leaned forward. Zachary was making fish impressions. “What?” “B-Boy?” “Well, I'm gay, Zachary.” Julian thought about their conversations over the last two months. “Uh, did that not come up before?” He’d definitely told Leo. “Your sexuality isn’t something I’d want to come up, no.” “Does it bother you? Me being gay?” “Did I not just express very clearly my total and utter lack of interest in the subject?” “When we get to that lake, I'm dropping you in it, I'm warning you now.” “If it gets me away from this inane discussion, I’ll release the brake myself.”

“You’re just not a people person, are you.” No reply, but then a little.... Julian leaned forward and found Zachary grinning. “You’re impossible,” the man said, trying unsuccessfully to sound severe. “And you’re just being a snot. Okay. First kiss—girl. Thirteen years old, on a dare, she had terrible breath and told all her friends about it afterwards. First kiss—boy. Hmmm. Fourteen years old, in my parent’s garden, in my tree house. He tasted like jelly beans, punched me in the arm afterwards and said it was gross. It was, a bit. Didn’t put me off though,” he added with a grin, thinking of how much better he’d got at the kissing thing. Man, it had been six months since he’d even been out with a guy. Well, unless you counted breakfast with Zachary before the accident, which he didn’t. Not really. Zachary wasn’t talking. Julian poked him in the shoulder. “Well?” “Well, what? It sounds perfectly awful. Subject and colour and then we’re done.” “Biology and blue. Now it’s your turn.” “Not applicable, law and yellow.” “Yellow? I’d never...hang on, what do you mean, not applicable? How can a kiss be not applicable?” Zachary ignored him. “Come on, that’s cheating.” “It’s not. I answered your questions truthfully.” “It’s cheating if you don’t answer them in a way that makes sense! Zachary, be fair.” Zachary grabbed the brake and applied it, forcing them all to stop. “All right. I’ve never kissed anyone. It’s not applicable. Is that ‘fair’ enough for you?” Julian opened his mouth, but no sounds came out. He stared at this handsome, wealthy, well-educated man and wondered if it was even possible for someone like this to get to the age of nearly thirty-one and.... “How? How could you not have—“ “I just didn’t. It never came up. If you don’t hurry, it’ll be cold before we get back to the car. Linis? Pyon? Where are you?” The kems came bounding out from the bushes, looking for affection, and Zachary busied himself in giving it, while resolutely ignoring a dumbstruck Julian. Never been kissed? Did that mean...? “Zachary, are you a virgin?” The man glared at Julian over the top of Linis’ head. “I thought I already answered your three questions, and what kind of upbringing did you have that you consider that a polite thing to ask? Can we move, please? Or at least go back? I'm tired.” Julian looked at his watch. It was still early, so he decided to press on to their destination. Zachary was exaggeratedly attentive to Linis and Pyon, making it clear whose company he really preferred—like that was a

secret. Julian didn’t feel like talking anyway because everything he wanted to say came back to the same thing—how the hell did someone like this, even with his personality, stay a virgin this long? Julian had known guys who smelled like a three-day-old dead rat. Guys whose idea of a really good lark was pissing on drunks in the street. Guys who snapped the bra straps of the women they were chatting up. Guys with acne that made them look like the dark side of the moon. Guys who were ugly, obnoxious, unintelligent, uninteresting, flatulent bores. Every single one of them had managed to get laid at least once, and usually more than once (though rarely by the same person.) No healthy male could survive without sex. Could they? Another fifteen minutes and they came to the lake. The view was pretty spectacular with the still water reflecting the vivid hues of autumn, under a clear blue sky. They had it all to themselves but Julian wasn’t really capable of appreciating it, with all that was in his mind. He parked the chair by a little bench that looked over the water, and as soon as they stopped, the kems jumped down and trotted down to the lake edge to inspect it. Julian sat down and looked at Zachary, who definitely didn’t want to look at him. “Aren’t you even curious what you’re missing?” “You assume I'm missing anything. I don’t consider I am.” “But sex—“ “Is a messy, complicated, time-consuming, animalistic act and only necessary if one wants offspring, which I don’t.” “I don’t either—at least, I don’t now. I don’t screw guys because I want kids!” Zachary went red. “Do you mind? Some of us don’t consider rutting to be a suitable topic for conversation.” “Prude.” “If you insist.” Julian threw up his hands in disgust. “You’re a freak. No wonder you can’t cope with people touching your kem. God knows what would happen if they touched your cock instead.” “What?” “Me, touching Linis. I know what you felt—it’s the same for me when you pet Pyon. It’s not—” Zachary’s expression was horrified. “You mean...when I stroke your kem, you feel—” “The same as you felt when I stroked Linis. I guess it’s the same for everyone. Only most people don’t get hard.” Nasty of him to add that, but this whole ‘sex isn’t suitable for my delicate ears’ crap was annoying as hell. “Hey! Where are you...Zachary, you can’t push yourself all the way back...stop it, you moron!” He grabbed for the push handles, but Zachary kept trying to wrench control away from him. “Will you stop? You’ll break that damn arm of yours again!”

“Let me go. I want to leave. Get your hands off me!” Julian stepped back at Zachary’s anguished bellow, holding his hands up in surrender. “Look—they’re off. Now calm down. There’s no way you can wheel yourself all the way back. What the hell’s the matter anyway?” “You knew what you were doing with Linis?” “No, not exactly. You react more than I do. It’s not a crime.” “You used him to molest me.” “I had no idea what effect it’d have on you, until it did. I pet Nuji all the time too and if you think I’ve got the hots for Leo, you’re even more deranged than I thought you were. Just calm down. I won’t touch Linis again if it bothers you. Simple.” “But you said...when I touch Pyon...it felt—” “Nice. Just nice, Zachary. Like the sun and the breeze does just now. Pleasant. Not like someone jerking me off.” From Zachary’s expression, that had definitely been the wrong thing to say. “It’s not sexual just because it’s nice. It’s like...someone playing with your hair. I guess you don’t know what that’s like.” “No,” Zachary muttered. “I don’t like being touched.” “How would you know if you never let it happen?” “I just...know. I don’t like people being close to me. Or touching Linis.” “Were you always like this? Even before your Mum and Dad...I mean, even when you were little?” “Yes. I...yes, I think so. I remember at school...playing sports and learning to dance with the girls, was just...awful.” “Before they died?” “I don’t remember.” Julian frowned. “Didn’t your grandma ever give you a hug? Kiss it better when you fell down?” “No. I...I don’t remember them doing that. When Mama...when Grandfather came in and told me, he just...patted me on the shoulder and told me to be a brave boy and not to cry. So...I tried very hard. I did what they wanted me to do.” Julian shook his head. “That’s awful. Surely you can see that wasn’t what a little boy needed.” “I won’t have you say a word against them.” “I'm not! But...hell, Zachary, every kid needs a hug sometimes. If your Mum and Dad just died, you should’ve been able to cry.” “I didn’t want to make Grandmother sad. And later...I just...couldn’t.”

Julian sat on the grass. Pyon scampered over and gave him a quick headbutt, wanting to be petted, but then he ran off again. Linis was still exploring which was odd—Julian would have expected him to come back to Zachary as soon as he became distressed. The big kem’s behaviour had been very strange all day. “You know babies who don’t get held and given affection, die. You said kems were like that. You don’t think it’s unhealthy for you not to let anyone near you?” “I manage perfectly well, thank you.” “Until you get run over by a car.” Julian stared down to the lake edge where Pyon was grooming Linis, the tawny kem lolling on the ground while Pyon licked him. “I know this is hard for you, but can I just...try something?” “Julian, I’ve had almost as much as I can stand today, honestly.” His expression was uncharacteristically pleading, and if it wasn’t so important, Julian would have just dropped it. “I know,” he said gently. “And...now I know what I do, I can see why...why you’re like how you are. But I think maybe Linis was up to something, and I think I know what. I know you don’t trust me, but do you still trust him?” Zachary stared at the ground. “I do trust you,” he mumbled. “Then will you just humour me? I don’t think you’ll like it much, but I’ll stop if it really bothers you.” “Is it important to you?” “Yes. It really is.” “Then go ahead.” The lack of enthusiasm didn’t exactly shock him, so he persisted. “I just want to know how me touching you makes you feel. I just want you to...say out loud what it does to you. I know it’s hard for you to say that sort of thing.” “Just get on with it, Julian.” He almost stopped then. Zachary was so clearly at the edge of his tolerance and what he wanted to do would push him quite hard. But he might not get a second chance. “Okay.” He scooted a little closer to the wheelchair and put his hand on Zachary’s foot. “What does that do?” “Annoy me.” “Anything else?” Zachary shook his head. Julian moved his hand to Zachary’s knee. “Now?” Zachary’s lips thinned. “I...want you to move your hand.” Julian lifted it. “No, I mean...that’s the emotion. A real...desire for you to just go away.” “So there’s nothing pleasurable about it at all?”

“Not in the slightest.” “Okay.” He reached further up and took one of Zachary’s hands in his, taking care to be gentle, to use the touch to massage very carefully. Then he twined his fingers with Zachary’s. “And now?” “I...feel trapped. Like...let go, Julian. Please.” Julian obeyed immediately. Zachary exhaled—hard not to miss the raw relief in his eyes as Julian sat back on his heels. “I'm sorry.” “Me too. So basically, you’ve never felt any pleasure at all from anyone touching you?” Zachary looked away. “You have? Not your grandparents. Your Mum and Dad?” “No. Except...one time.” He rubbed at his eyes like he had a headache. “That day in the hospital when...the day Leo....” “Yes, I remember.” “I...got upset and you...for a second or two, I felt...comforted. Then I just panicked. But there was that short period...when I almost felt like...I could just let go. But I couldn’t. I didn’t dare.” “Because you don’t trust people not to let you down.” Zachary’s expression closed in a little. “Yes, most likely. I accept who I am. The only difficulty I have is with other people refusing to do that.” “People like me.” “And Leo. Other people who presumed to know me better than I do myself, or who wanted to force themselves on me. I'm not innocent. People throw themselves at me from time to time, attracted by money or my status—” “Or the fact you’re amazingly good looking.” Zachary flushed. “A mere accident of genetics. But these people offer nothing, only want to take, and I see how they behave to each other and their kems and they just revolt me. Sex could never blind me to that.” “It does for some people.” “I am not ‘some people’. What other people do, doesn’t concern me. If my lack of sexual experience was a burden, I’d have no difficulty in relieving myself of it. It’s not.” “People used to believe in waiting for the right person to come along before losing their cherry. It’s a pretty old-fashioned idea.” “I'm not waiting for anything or anyone. I only need Linis.” “And Leo.” “And Leo. And you.”

Julian blinked. “Me? You mean, while your leg’s busted.” “Yes.” “Oh. Well, that makes sense. I’ll be out of your hair when—” “Julian, do you have to interrupt me when I'm trying to be nice?” “That was you being ‘nice’?” Julian raised his eyebrows at the man in disbelief. “You’re so bad at this stuff!” “Yes. Isn’t that what we’ve just spent any amount of time discussing?” Julian laughed and shook his head. “Yes, we did. So...go on. Be nice. I wish I had a video recorder or something.” “You’re spoiling things.” “Sorry.” He tried to look innocent, like Pyon when he knew he’d been naughty. “Well?” Zachary sighed. “I was trying to say...thank you. I know you care and you’ve tried so hard to help me. You have helped me. I just...can’t be the person you’d like me to be. But I appreciate that you give a damn that I'm not that person.” “I only want you to be happy, Zachary. If changing would make you happier, then I’d like that to happen. But if it wouldn’t, then no, don’t change. I just wanted to understand a little better and now I do. I can be a bit more sensitive about stuff. But I can’t stop Linis if he wants to crawl all over me again.” “He doesn’t do that normally. Perhaps he needs to get out of the apartment more than we do.” “Maybe.” Personally, Julian thought he knew exactly what Linis was up to, but kems were no match for more than twenty years of emotional isolation. Maybe by the time Zachary was Leo’s age, Linis would wear him down. “You want to go back now?” “Please.” It wasn’t just emotional fatigue that put that quiet plaintiveness into the request. By the time they got back to the parking area, Zachary was drooping, and they still had a two-hour drive back to the city. It would have been easier to just roll the wheelchair into the back, but Julian couldn’t do that to him—it was uncomfortable and undignified and Zachary loathed it even for short trips. So Julian helped him swing his long legs into the front seat, careful not to let him put the slightest weight on his injured one, and settled a cushion behind him for extra support. He put the chair in the back and then got behind the wheel. The kems were asked to dematerialise for safety and then Julian put the key in the ignition. But then something occurred him, so he stopped and turned to his companion. “Has it been bothering you that I’ve had to get so close to help you, all these weeks?” The attendants had done the heavy stuff, but now he thought about it, he had to touch Zachary a dozens times a day to do little things that helped him out. He hadn’t realised just how strong Zachary’s phobia was.

“A bit. But...I always feel safe with you. Much more than those people,” Zachary said, his mouth turned down. He hadn’t liked most of the attendants, and the attendants hadn’t much liked him either. Now Julian realised what had been the basis of the antipathy. “Uh...good. I’d never hurt you—physically, I mean.” “Julian...just so you know, I’d never have let anyone else do what you did today. I do trust you. I just....” “Don’t like people close to you. I know. Does it matter that I'm gay?” “Not in the slightest. I don’t categorise people like that. The world’s divided into good kem hosts and bad kem hosts, so far as I'm concerned.” Julian grinned. “What a surprise. Seatbelt on? Let’s go.”

The new understanding of Zachary’s issues took away most of Julian’s remaining irritation with the man. He realised now that Zachary simply couldn't help being the way he was, and that all things considered, he was remarkably stable. He still couldn’t get over the way Zachary’s grandparents behaved. Though Julian didn’t want to breach his confidence, Leo brought it up himself one day. The contents of his old apartment had finally cleared Customs, and though Julian had arranged for most of the boxes to be carefully unpacked, there were a few marked as ‘fragile’ or ‘personal’, which he and Leo spent time slowly going through when Zachary needed his apartment to himself. He was now working again, still from home, his secretary visiting the apartment once a day with files and to take notes. Julian made himself scarce in the mornings while she was around, in case she asked why he was still on secondment when the patient was so much better. A large box of photos and albums had them engrossed for hours—Leo had travelled all over the world, and Julian could listen to him talk for any length of time about his experiences. But it wasn’t travel photos which Leo had been hunting for. From the bottom of the box, he lifted out a very large, and rather old album, and opened it carefully. It bulged with pictures of people Julian didn’t recognise. Leo took one out of the holders and showed it to him. “Ah, I’ve been meaning to send these to him for years, never got around to it. Look, Julian—these are his parents. And this is Zachary when he was four. That’s when I first spoke to him—I didn’t see him after he was born until that age.” Julian took the photo from Leo, and mimed shock. “He’s smiling. And look at Linis! He’s so little and cute.” He showed Pyon, who sniffed and resumed playing with a ball of paper, while Nuji dove into one of the empty boxes on the floor. “Doesn’t recognise him. Zachary looks happy.” “I think he was, until the plane crash. My sister, Caran, bless her soul, was so upset about her daughter that she didn’t really think about the impact on Zachary, beyond the practical matters, I mean. And Peter was one of those very reserved, reticent people who didn’t know how to show emotion. I never understood what my sister saw in him, to be honest. She was a much more open person—or she had been before Helena was killed. Poor Zachary was very much left to himself.”

“He said...he didn’t want to cry because it would upset his grandma and his grandpa told him not to.” Leo shook his head. “I'm sure that’s true. These things scar a child, and we don’t realise. I could have done so much more. I regret it every day, Julian.” “Leo...did you know he actually hates people touching him? To the point of panic?” “I suspected something like that, but I didn’t realise it was so severe. That’s dreadful.” “Do you think we can help?” Leo sighed. “One deals with phobias by desensitisation. In Zachary’s case, I doubt he’d ever allow anyone to try. You’ve done more than most would in that regard, Julian. He lets you get much closer than anyone else.” “He says he still hates it, only not as much as with strangers. That’s not much to work with.” “No, but it’s all we’ve got.” He closed the photo album. “I’ll give this to him after lunch. But I have something else I want to talk to you about. Zachary will most likely be going back to the office on half-days next week. There’s no reason for him not to take a normal taxi now, since he doesn’t need the wheelchair. I think your days as a chauffeur are over and that ugly car should be sold.” Already? He’d known this had to come to an end but it had gone so fast. “I’ll sort that out. So...I guess I better be thinking about returning to the office too.” Leo rested his chin on his hand, his green eyes sharp as his great-nephew’s. “Hmmm. Well, that’s what I want to talk to you about. I’ve got rather used to having you around, and Kevin was saying at lunch the other day that I should have had a personal assistant years ago. How would you like to work for me full-time, instead of the law firm?” “Really? Like, permanently?” “Yes. Terms and conditions at least as favourable as what you’re on now, and three months’ notice either way. If I pass on, I’ll arrange to cover your salary for a further six months on top of notice.” “Don’t talk about that, Leo.” “My dear boy, I have to be practical. Well?” “Yes. God...yes, I’d love it! Doing what I do now?” “Yes, and much more, because I can transfer all the business administration to you as well. Between you and Zachary, I can cover everything that I need to, and I’d much rather it was handled within the family. Is that agreeable to you?” “Of course!” He gave Leo a quick hug. “Thank you! Pyon! Guess what?” The two kems came over for cuddles and scritching, while Leo beamed with the smug look of a man who’d sprung a delightful surprise. “And I have another proposal, though this may not suit you so well.” Julian put Pyon down and paid attention. “I need someone to live in with me. I am getting older, and the fact you were

around when I had the stroke, probably meant the difference between walking around and being disabled. I could advertise for a live-in aide—but I’d much rather have you. What do you say? Companionship in exchange for rent and all found? Absolutely no other duties other than the PA ones. I don’t need a housekeeper, I just need someone around.” “Are you kidding? Yes!” Leo grinned. “Oh good—I was dreading having to find someone I liked as well as you. So I can finally move out of Zachary’s apartment and let the poor man have his privacy back.” “Um...what about my social life? I do have one—well, kind of.” “Ah. Yes. Perhaps I was getting ahead of myself. How about if you’re to be out all night, we hire an attendant. And if you fall madly in love with some handsome young man, then we can discuss the transitional arrangements then. You could sublet your apartment, so you don’t lose that security. Think about it, Julian. That’s not so important as you being my PA. I’d fight much harder for that.” “I will.” But already he had accepted the idea he wanted to live in this spacious apartment with the man who’d become his closest friend over the last few weeks. It would mean compromises—he’d never dream of bringing someone home—but it hadn’t been a problem in the past. If he could hang onto his old apartment, then if it didn’t work out, he’d have a fall back. “Have you told Zachary about all this? Won’t he think I'm invading his space?” “I suspect he won’t be as resistant as you think. I’ll speak to him over lunch—perhaps just the two of us, just this once?” “Sure...uh, when do you want me to move in?” “Tonight, if you like. The second bedroom’s all ready.” “Okay—you talk to him, I’ll go home and grab some stuff. It’ll make a difference not to have to stagger home each night.” “Yes, I know.” Leo’s eyes were concerned now. “We’ve been overworking you, and I'm sorry.” “I’ve loved every minute of it.” And he meant it. Meeting Leo had been one of the best things to ever happen to him.

Chapter 3 Leo gave him a key and told him to bring as much or as little back as he liked, and to get a taxi at Leo’s expense. But while Julian ate lunch as he packed a suitcase, Leo called him. “My dear boy, would you mind dallying over at your place for a little while? Zachary and I have things to discuss and we need to be alone while we do that.” “Sure. Just call me when you’re done.”

Julian hung up. Had Zachary vetoed the idea? If the man had been hoping to get rid of Julian’s constant presence once his leg was completely mended, then Leo’s announcement wouldn’t be good news. He fretted, having already started to think about working for Leo and living in his apartment, and now facing the possibility that none of it would happen because of Zachary and his phobias. Pyon caught his mood, and for the first time in ages, started to play up, running around the apartment like a mad thing, and getting into cupboards and making a mess. Julian caught him up and gave him lots of cuddles and attention which calmed him down, but couldn’t quite make himself ask his kem to go inside, because sitting on his own appealed less than chasing Pyon around and trying to make him behave. It was close to five when Leo called back. “I know it’s late, Julian, but Zachary and I would love you to come back for supper. Are you staying over tonight?” “Is that okay?” “Of course. You surely didn’t think...Zachary thought it was a wonderful idea. All of it. Come back, Julian. All’s well, I promise you.” Julian almost burst into tears with raw relief. Instead, he swung Pyon around and around. “It’s okay! Everything’s okay!” Pyon was so excited he ran around the room a dozen times before he stopped, chirped and then demanded to be picked up again and held close. Julian indulged him until they were both a little calmer, and then quickly finished his packing. It really was happening. He caught a taxi to the other building, dumped his stuff in Leo’s apartment, then came downstairs. He let himself into the apartment, and found Leo and Zachary sitting at the dining table, looking at Leo’s photos. At least—Leo was looking. Zachary was petting Linis and staring into space, eyes red and distant. “Hey—is this a bad time?” He came to Zachary’s side. “You okay?” Zachary nodded. “We were...just talking about my...Mama and Papa. I....” His voice trailed off. “I hadn’t realised Zachary had no photos at all of his parents,” Leo said, filling the silence. “There were so many things I didn’t know,” Zachary whispered. “So many things.” Linis sat and began to lick at Zachary’s chin. Pyon whined and Julian let him go—his kem leapt onto Zachary’s shoulder so he could nuzzle at his hair. Julian wished he had a kem’s freedom so he could offer some comfort. Zachary looked devastated. Julian pulled up a chair. “You were a happy kid.” “I must have been. I don’t remember. I don’t remember anything before the crash. Not much, anyway. I feel...could you both excuse me? Linis, Pyon, I need to get up, I'm sorry.” He grabbed his crutches and hobbled away towards his bedroom. The three kems ran after him. Julian hoped they’d help. A grim-faced Leo gathered the photos into the albums and closed it. “Are you sure you wouldn’t like me to go?” Julian asked. “He’s upset.”

“Yes, he is. And he needs his friends, so please don’t leave, Julian. I...didn’t mean to expose him so much. I had no idea that Caran had left me all the photos she had. I’d always assumed Zachary had a collection—we just never discussed it. We’ve never talked about any of this before. So much wasted time.” “Will he be all right?” “I hope so. He’s upset, but he was grateful to know more about his parents, and Caran and Peter’s feelings, and...just how he fitted in. You see, his understanding of the situation hadn’t really moved on from what he understood as a child. No one had explained, or helped him work it out. His own reserve didn’t help of course, and Caran just never got over Helena’s death. Peter didn’t either, I suspect. I know they loved Zachary—I wish they’d found a way to show him that more than they did.” “My parents loving me...it’s been there all my life. I’ve never doubted it, even when they’ve driven me crazy. He must have been so lonely.” “Yes. Which is why I won’t let him be alone now. I think he knows it’s bad for him. I asked him if you should come over and he said yes. He could have refused. He’s learning, Julian.” “He’s really glad I'm moving in?” “Yes. Surprisingly so.” Leo smiled. “He pretends it’s so Linis will have company, of course.” Julian grinned. “Of course. Are you sure yourself? I'm a slob.” “And I can hire a cleaner, or someone with a shovel if necessary. I wasn’t any tidier at your age, my dear boy. I'm looking forward to it. I’ve been alone for too long, and I hate it. Would you put that up on that bookcase for me? Thank you. Now—he said he wanted to cook but I think that’ll wait another day. Let’s choose a nice meal and then a decent film to enjoy afterwards.” The DVD player had been a new addition when Zachary was released from hospital, and though he despised television, Leo had introduced him to foreign cinema. Julian, who in his student days had regularly haunted the art film houses, had rediscovered his taste for it. Now he’d be able to watch a film with them both and only have to get as far as the stairs to go home. Luxury. Zachary emerged when the food was delivered. He looked very much calmer, though tired, and thanked Leo for organising the food. “I want to cook tomorrow,” he insisted. “Of course, my dear fellow. Julian’s in need of lessons too—he’s hoping you’ll teach him some of your techniques.” Julian, who had mentioned nothing of the sort, just smiled and agreed, and mentally reminded himself that Leo was a conniving old bastard and he, Julian, was a mere amateur in the manipulating Zachary stakes. Zachary, though surprised at Julian’s interest, was more than happy to agree to show him whatever he wanted to know. “And you should make him do the shopping,” Leo added. “Learning where to buy the best ingredients is part of the secret of being a good cook.” “He can come with me...er, if you’d like,” Zachary added, uncharacteristically hesitant.

“Sure. We can get a walk in and I can find out what’s what at the same time.” And he’d better learn to feign a genuine interest in cooking or Zachary would realise what Leo had done. The old bastard. Zachary always let the two of them choose the film, having no experience in the matter, and willing to give almost anything a try, at least once. Tonight, more subdued than usual, he didn’t even look at what they’d chosen, just taking up his usual position on the sofa. Julian sat on one armchair, Leo on the other. Leo started the movie up, and they settled back to watch. Not five minutes later, Linis, who’d been lying peacefully on Zachary’s lap, sat up and whined, before stalking along the sofa, coming to rest on the arm closest to Julian’s chair. He whined again, and stuck out a paw to bat at Julian’s arm. Pyon, who’d also been lying quietly, jumped up off Julian’s lap, ran across the floor, and leapt onto Zachary’s lap. “What the hell?” Julian asked, looking at Zachary. “Linis, shoo.” The kem continued to stare at him, and batted at him again, this time with a hint of claws. “What do you want?” Linis turned around, ran across the sofa to Zachary, headbutted him, and then ran back to Julian, whining and batting him. Leo laughed. “I would say Linis thinks you should be sitting closer to Zachary.” “Silly kem. Run away.” But Linis wouldn’t, and he wouldn’t shut up either. The whining was getting on Julian’s nerves. He finally looked at Zachary, who seemed as bewildered as Julian felt. “Do you mind?” “It’s worth a try. Linis, what’s wrong with you? Leave Julian alone, please.” But his kem ignored him, and actually hooked Julian’s sleeve with his claws and tugged. Julian picked him up and carried him over to the sofa, settling down at the very end, trying hard not to encroach on Zachary’s space. “Happy now?” he asked Linis as he set the big kem down. Apparently not, because the whining continued until Julian moved close enough to Zachary that Linis could lie on the sofa, stretched out between the two men, his head on Zachary’s lap and his tail and back legs on Julian. “Has he ever done anything like this before?” Julian asked. “Never. Linis, that looks very undignified.” Linis merely twitched his tail. Pyon, taking his cue, stretched out alongside his friend. Only Nuji retained some common sense, sitting on Leo’s lap and squeaking in amusement at the antics on the sofa. Zachary shook his head at his kem. “If you’re quite finished...Uncle Leo, would you mind rewinding? Someone was distracting me.” But Linis was still not happy. Julian had kept his hands off the kem’s body, mindful of the effect on Zachary. Linis had other ideas, digging his back feet into Julian and whacking him with his tail and doing everything but sitting up and shouting for Julian to pet him. Julian sighed and stroked both kems. Linis settled down immediately. “You mind?” he whispered at Zachary. “I’ll survive,” his friend said dryly. “Linis, you’re being a pest.” His kem ignored that remark as being beneath him. When Zachary started to pet him as well, Linis trilled quietly.

Julian couldn’t relax for a good while after that, worried about Zachary’s reaction to Julian touching Linis. But gradually he realised whatever sensations he received through his kem seemed to be helping the man. Zachary’s posture eased, and the hands moving over Pyon and Linis’ fur showed no tension. He doubted Zachary was entirely absorbed in the film—he seemed too distracted for that—but Julian could detect no sign of distress or embarrassment. Eventually he just concentrated on the long but excellent film. As the credits rolled, he turned to Zachary to ask him what he thought—and found the man had quietly fallen asleep, head turned against the back of the sofa, his face soft and relaxed. “He’s been out for at least an hour,” Leo whispered, smiling. “I wondered if you’d notice.” “The movie was so good...I should wake him up.” “Yes. You do that. I’ll see you upstairs.” Julian waited until Leo left, hoping the slight noise might rouse Zachary—but the man slumbered on. “Linis, you try.” The kem yawned and gave Julian a ‘Me? You want me to do your dirty work?’ look. So was no help. Julian finally had to resort to giving Zachary a gentle push on the shoulder. “Hey, Zachary—show’s over.” Zachary woke with a start, blinking in the dim light. “Oh...I slept?” “Yes, you did. Leo’s gone to bed. You should too.” “Yes.” But he made no move except to hold Linis close to his chest, his expression sad. “I was dreaming. About...Mama.” “Was it nice?” “Yes. It was. I just...haven’t dreamed about her since I was a child.” “The photos?” “Yes. I...it....it was strange. I felt...almost like it was just new to me. Like it hadn’t been more than twenty years.” “You cried for them.” Zachary nodded. “I felt rather foolish.” “I don’t think so.” It was rather curiously intimate, this quiet conversation about such a personal thing, in the darkened living room. It surprised Julian, that Zachary would even speak of this to him, but he felt the man wanted...something...from him. “You didn’t cry for your grandparents either, did you?” “No. Because...I don’t know why, exactly. I just...thought it wasn’t right. That Grandfather would disapprove.”

“Your granddad isn’t you, Zachary.” He reached behind him and turned on the little table lamp. Pyon walked over onto his lap and looked up, as if waiting for Julian to get moving. “Will you be okay tonight? Leo would sleep down here if you wanted. Or I could, since he’s got that medical alert thing. I don’t need to be in the apartment itself.” Zachary sat up a little. “No...it’s enough you’re both upstairs. Close but....” “Not too close?” “Yes. I have to admit I was relieved when Uncle Leo told me what you and he had arranged. It’s the perfect solution for him—but for you?” “For me too. Come on, let me help you up.” He kept his grasp impersonal and brief, letting go as soon as Zachary had his feet under him. “Okay, see you tomorrow. If you need anything...I keep my mobile in my room. You can call me, you won’t wake him up.” “I'm perfectly fine, Julian.” But before Julian could take offence at the cool words, Zachary smiled slightly. “I appreciate...the thought.” “Good night, Zachary.” Pyon squeaked. “He says good night too.” “Yes, I know.” Julian grinned at that, then let himself out. He found Leo waiting for him in the apartment, eyes anxious, cuddling Nuji to his chest and stroking his tail. “He’s fine,” Julian reassured him. “Tired, a bit emotional about stuff, but he’s okay.” “Oh, I do hope so. Linis was worried.” “That was what all that nonsense was about?” “Well, of course. Linis thinks you’re good for him. They’re not exactly subtle creatures, kems—are you, my dear fellow?” he said, nuzzling Nuji. “And Zachary will tolerate interference from Linis that he wouldn’t from a human. I confess myself curious as to how far Linis will go, but you should let him guide you. If there’s anyone or anything on the planet who knows how Zachary’s mind works, it’s his kem.” “I think you’ve got a fair idea too. What’s this about me wanting to be a cook?” Leo’s guileless expression was a fraud. “I thought you might like to learn. He’s an excellent cook, but you could guess that. Teaching you will give him an excuse for your company he’d never ask for on his own account.” “Are you pushing us together, Leo?” “I'm encouraging two young men who should be friends, to be friends. Zachary needs you, and he’s good for you as well. Your kems are all for it—you’re powerless to resist.”

Julian shook his head in disgust. “Pushing Zachary where Zachary doesn’t want to be, isn’t a great idea. He’s only just stopped being all huffy with me over every little thing. Don’t back him into a corner, please, Leo.” “I won’t. But he’s making strides, Julian. He’s not who he was when we first met. I want that process to continue, and I need your help.” “You,” Julian said, wagging his finger at his friend, “need a hobby.” “I have one—you.” Julian sighed. The man was impossible—and impossible to be annoyed with. “I give up. And I'm also going to bed. Goodnight.” He gave Leo’s arm a little squeeze. “Those photos meant a lot to him. He needed them, I think.” “Yes, he did. Just...well, if only I’d given them sooner. But at least he’s got them now. Goodnight, Julian. I know I’ll sleep sounder for you being here.” Julian’s new bed was the most comfortable he’d ever slept on—ironically, he’d helped Leo choose the mattress without the slightest inkling of what the man planned to suggest to him—but it took a little while for him to get to sleep. He kept thinking about Zachary, and his parents, and how awful it would be to go through life not knowing about them, not having any clear memories—and to believe that the people who’d brought you up, didn’t care all that much about you. He promised himself that he’d call his Mum the very next day and tell her he loved her. He didn’t do that often enough—and if Zachary’s situation could teach him anything, it was that you could never know when the last time you saw someone, really would be the last time. Julian’s family weren’t rich, and none of them were travelled or worldly. Sometimes that lack of worldiness really annoyed him. But he wouldn’t trade any of them—or any time with them—for all Zachary’s privileges and wealth. Money just wasn’t a substitute. By day, Julian’s new status changed little in their routine. There was some legal stuff to sort out, to give Julian adequate protection in case of Leo’s death or a breakdown in their relationship, and to protect Leo against exploitation. Both sides were handled with scrupulous fairness by one of Zachary’s colleagues at the law firm, not Zachary himself, who wanted to ensure neither Julian nor Leo later felt there had been improper bias. But that took up only a day in total, and the rest of Julian’s duties were exactly as they had been. Leo was slowly introducing him to the business matters which he would later handle, but there wasn’t a huge amount, and Leo’s accountants did most of the work. The rest of the time, Julian was just Leo’s companion—his friend, his helper, his foil for the man’s wicked humour. He kept waiting for the downside, but it never came. He was being paid to spend time with someone he’d gladly help for free, and he had to keep pinching himself to convince himself it wasn’t all some wonderful dream. Zachary went back to work on half-days, the afternoons being taken up with physiotherapy appointments and other minor chores. The ugly wheelchair-friendly car had been sold, but at Julian’s suggestion, replaced with a sleeker, smaller one, to give them a little more flexibility with outings and quick dashes here and there. He gave Zachary lifts to his appointments about half the time, because they could then run errands afterwards. Julian and Leo wanted to encourage Zachary to think it normal to have someone else around when he did things, so more often than not, they invented a perfectly plausible reason for Zachary to need a lift rather than a taxi. Zachary, Julian suspected, was well aware of their game—but never argued about it. The guy was learning.

It was the evenings that started to freak Julian out, just slightly. Zachary seemed to have accepted that Julian and Leo would come over each night for supper, either prepared by him (occasionally with Julian’s assistance), or ordered in. That was followed either by a film, or Zachary and Julian playing chess with Leo watching and arching his eyebrow in a knowing manner, or just sitting and talking, often about Leo’s past travel experiences. The chess was fine, even if Julian was hardly a worthy opponent for Zachary unless Leo helped him (and even then, Zachary could kick his arse.) But when they were watching a film or talking or doing anything that involved sitting on the sofa and armchairs, Linis, and then Pyon, would start up the peculiar business of forcing Julian to sit closer to Zachary. Once they tried switching chairs—but Linis then nagged Zachary to move back onto the sofa. After a week, Julian gave up, and sat on the sofa next to Zachary without any need for the kems to ‘persuade’ them. The smug look Linis gave him that night was positively human. None of that bothered Julian much, but the way Zachary just accepted it, did. He didn’t seem to find any of it annoying—a little peculiar, certainly, but not enough to resist Linis’ efforts. The fact that he was spending hours on most nights voluntarily sitting less than a foot away from another person, didn’t make him react as Julian would have predicted a bare two weeks before. Half a dozen times it was on the very tip of Julian’s tongue to ask him why it didn’t bother him—and half a dozen times, he thought about Leo’s hopes that Zachary would get used to having people around, and he shut up. Leo’s plan seemed to be working. More subtle than Linis’ manoeuvrings, the principle was the same—to gradually desensitise Zachary, until he forgot he was a solitary man who disliked being physically close to other people. The shopping trips for ingredients were another small way in which Zachary was kept company without it being obvious. Once he was off the crutches, and slowly building up strength and stamina again, it seemed natural for Julian and Leo to accompany him on shorter walks, Julian for longer ones with plans to resume jogging anytime now. Julian went to the gym with him as well, on the pretext of needing to improve fitness for his own sake. He realised about a week after Zachary had gone back to work full-time that he was spending almost as much time with the man now as he had while he’d been injured—and nearly as much time as he was with Leo. It worried him a little. “Don’t you think he should be meeting other people as well?” he said to Leo over lunch one day, when they were discussing plans for a weekend away. Today was Zachary’s birthday, and the surprise weekend trip was Leo’s gift to him—a ferry ride out to an island famous for its wildlife, a night in a hotel with magnificent views, and then a boat tour to look for marine animals before heading back to the mainland. “All in good time, Julian. Are you still planning to ask him to go with you to your brother’s wedding?” “I’ll ask, but even if he agrees, which he won’t, I can’t see him enjoying it much. And then he’ll be cranky with me.” “Give him some credit, dear boy. I think you should ask him. Let him expand his horizons a little.” “My family tend to narrow them. They did for me.” “And yet you turned out just fine. Your parents must be such monsters.” “They’re not,” Julian muttered as Leo smirked knowingly. “They’re just not much like you or him.”

“Another reason he should go. In the meantime, I’ve got a few ideas to entice him out. You’re still enjoying the cooking lessons?” “Yes, I really am. I mean...he’s a natural teacher. I worked out I just need to shut up for a while, and then he starts to talk, almost like he can’t help himself.” Leo smiled. “And you love to listen, so it’s a perfect match. Encourage him, Julian. We can use that to help him make other friends.” “How?” “I have some ideas. Right now, I'm just delighted that he’s learning that people as well as kems can make good companions. Well done.” Julian felt a bit of a hypocrite for accepting any thanks. He’d done nothing—Zachary had done all the hard work. Julian had only had to sit still and wait for Zachary to come slowly out of his shell. He could hardly say he hadn’t enjoyed it either. Scheme of Leo’s or not, the cooking lessons had become one of his treats, and tonight, for Zachary’s birthday, Julian was making a special meal in Leo’s apartment. He hoped he wouldn’t mess it up. He wanted to show Zachary that he’d been paying attention, that he appreciated the time Zachary had spent on him. If Zachary was learning how to be around people, Julian had learned to appreciate them. He’d been—still was, most likely—a thoughtless, careless grub but Leo and Zachary had shown him that to be considered worth knowing, he had to be worth knowing. He liked himself better these days too. Both Leo and Zachary loved seafood, and Julian had learned to like it, though he suspected he would never adore it as they did. But what he did enjoy was the fish markets, shopping with either of them, seeing the strange sea creatures he wouldn’t even know how to start to cook, let alone eat, watching Leo ask knowledgeable questions and drive hard bargains for the freshest and best. Julian was happy to cook whatever Leo bought, but he let the master do the picking. They selected a few other items, and then a taxi home before it got dark and even colder. Then Leo had kem watching duty—in particular, keeping Pyon’s nose out of the food preparation—while Julian marinaded and sliced and whipped and dunked and tasted. It wasn’t the fanciest meal any of them had eaten even since Leo had arrived, but he’d been researching, and had a few ideas that Zachary hadn’t tried yet. The food was simple—lightly breaded and fried calamari with a salad, grilled sea bass and steamed vegetables, and a whipped fruit mousse that tasted decadent but which would sit easily on the stomach—but the details were what Julian hoped Zachary would notice. And if not—well, it was all damn healthy stuff. No alcohol, the handmade bread was wholemeal and the entire meal was low in saturated fat and refined carbohydrates. Even if Zachary hadn’t lectured him endlessly about the correct way to eat to keep their kems happy, Julian would have made the meal this way for Leo’s sake. Leo’s latest check had shown him to be in excellent health for a man ten years younger—and Julian planned to keep it that way. Zachary called up on the private intercom they’d set up between the apartments to say he was home, and five minutes later he turned up at their door. “I'm not late, I hope,” he said, smiling tiredly. Linis leapt down to the floor where Pyon and Nuji indulged in a kemmish orgy of welcome, with much licking and cuddling. Leo handed his nephew a cup of green tea in his own welcome gesture. “Not at all, and happy thirty-first birthday, my dear boy.”

“Thank you, Uncle Leo.” He pulled up a chair at the kitchen counter to watch Julian’s final preparations. “Need a hand?” “No, all done. Happy birthday from me too.” “Thank you. They bought me a cake at work,” Zachary said, frowning. “I don’t eat cake. And they gave me a pen. I’ve got all the pens I need.” “It’s a mark of respect, that’s all. They like you.” “They do? Why?” Leo laughed and Julian grinned. “Why not?” they chorused and Zachary just shook his head. Julian handed the man a plate of plain nuts and some dried lentil things that Zachary liked as a snack. “Is it a nice pen?” “It is. But I’ve got enough pens.” “They don’t go off. Keep it for when you run out.” “But they’ll give me another one next year. How can I ask them not to?” “You can’t. They love birthdays in that office. Cheer up, it’s over now. I didn’t get you anything.” “Good,” Zachary said with such feeling Julian had to grin again. “I don’t need things. People don’t understand that.” “I do,” Leo said, handing him an envelope. “I can assure you that all I’ve given you in there is memories.” “More photos?” “New memories.” Zachary read the letter and examined the booking forms. “Oh, this is wonderful, Uncle Leo, thank you—but it’s for two people.” “You and Julian, yes. It’s too cold for me, and my doctor thought it might be wiser to do it in the spring.” “You didn’t say you weren’t going,” Julian said, hands on his hips. “I can’t leave you alone.” “You can and you shall. You need some time off from me, so it’s my gift for you too. Julian, my boy, you spend almost every hour of every day in my company. Love you dearly as I do, I'm sure there are times you wish to be around people more your own age. Go, enjoy yourself, take lots of photos and come back and tell me all about it. And then when it’s warmer, we can do something similar, altogether.” “It makes sense,” Zachary said. “We can make sure it’s suitable for Uncle Leo. The weather forecast is for very cold weather—perfect for walking, but....”

“Not so good for him. Okay.” Julian didn’t like it, but they had already planned for the times when he would be away or taking a night off. This would count as a dry run and he was sure canny Mr Underwood had already thought of that. “Excellent,” Leo said. “So enjoy it, both of you, and I can be naughty without my keepers around.” He winked at Julian to take away the offence while Zachary looked to the heavens for patience with his wicked old uncle. Supper together wasn’t anything unusual any more, but Leo and Julian had done their best to make it a little special, breaking out table decorations that had been in storage since Leo’s last lover had died, and exotic yellow flowers—just a few—sitting in single-stem vases here and there on the table. Julian had been in fits wondering if Pyon would suddenly take it into his head to rampage up and down, but Linis had a calming effect on the two smaller kems, and the three of them curled up together on a chair while their humans indulged themselves, As usual, Zachary ate in silence, concentrating on the food. Julian watched him closely for any signs of pleasure or distaste—but the man was irritatingly opaque. At least, he was until dessert arrived, and as he tried the handmade chocolate dipped cherry on the top of his serve of mousse, he smiled. He ate it delicately, laid the stem beside his plate, and then he bowed his head. “Julian, that’s exquisite. Really...all of the food has been most...acceptable.” “Acceptable?” Leo glared narrowly at his nephew. “That’s possibly the nicest meal I’ve had in ten years.” “Well yes. I didn’t want to imply it was the best he could ever achieve. I expect you to only improve from now on.” Julian glowed with pride. “Try the mousse?” Zachary had a slight sweet tooth, but he was so picky, it was hard to get exactly the right balance between flavours that he’d like. Zachary tasted it, then another spoonful, and sighed. “Delicious. I could never get the hang of desserts. You’re my master in those.” Julian felt almost unbearably smug, and when both men asked him for seconds, he thought all the hassle of making the meal had been well worth it. Zachary was tired, but he seemed reluctant to let the evening end early, so Julian selected a film and they settled down to watch. He didn’t tempt fate—or Linis’ wrath—by sitting on the armchair. As soon as he put his backside down on the sofa, Zachary’s kem and his own jumped up and took up their now habitual position between the two humans. Leo came over, looked down, and smiled at them all. “They have you two trained, don’t they?” He lowered the lights and sat on his usual chair, pressing the command to play. Julian had seen the film several times before, though it was new to Zachary, so his attention drifted. He felt content and satisfied with his efforts tonight—Zachary’s reaction had been much more generous than he’d expected. Fulsome, even. That was the nice thing about Zachary—you could trust his praise completely. You could trust him completely because he didn’t lie. He saw no point in lying, and what he found pointless, he didn’t indulge in.

He smiled to himself at Zachary’s peaceful expression. It had become more common to see him like this, even before he’d shed the nuisance of the crutches. It was as if Leo’s presence had eased the sourness in him, lanced the wound. He was still sharp, and inclined to be truthful more than polite, but the anger that had coloured so many of Julian’s earlier conversations with him, had gone or been muted. It might not have been all Leo, Julian considered. A brush with death might have made him reassess things. One day, Julian might even ask him, but that much hadn’t changed—Zachary still avoided personal topics of conversation, even with someone like Leo. Julian’s hands moved almost automatically over Linis’ thick soft fur, and then over Pyon’s shorter coat. They were so cute together, and inseparable. Nuji was their friend, but if Pyon had to choose, Linis won every time. Julian had no idea what Linis would do, but it was funny to see how playful the big, dignified kem became around Pyon. Linis’ affection didn’t extend so much to Julian, but then he tended to mostly ignore humans except Zachary. Unless of course the big guy wanted something and then you couldn’t escape from his golden gaze. Persistent, Julian thought, running his hand down Linis’ buttocks and then back along his spine. His fingers brushed Zachary’s accidentally—he quickly moved his hand and smiled in apology. Zachary only glanced his way and then turned back to the screen. Julian tried to be more careful, not wanting to make this uncomfortable for the man. But then his fingers met Zachary’s again—and this time, Zachary didn’t move his hand in the least. Julian frowned a little and went to lift his own hand—only to find Zachary’s on top, trapping his. He stared at Zachary, but the man wasn’t looking his way at all. Very carefully not looking his way. Julian left his hand where it was. After a few moments, Zachary squeezed his fingers and then resumed his gentle stroking of the two kems’ fur. That destroyed any idea of him concentrating on the film after that, though he pretended to as best he could, for Leo’s sake. Every few seconds, Zachary’s fingers would brush feather light over his skin, as if by accident— but it was no accident. What Julian couldn’t figure out was what the guy was up to. Touches were significant things to Zachary—so why him, why now and why at all? The film was a mere hour and a half long—it felt more like five hours before the credits rolled. Leo and Zachary stood almost at once. Julian sat a little longer, feeling rather confused about what Zachary had meant by all that. “Well, goodnight, Zachary,” Leo said, as Nuji jumped up into his arms. “I’ll see you tomorrow before you head out.” “Yes, you will. Thank you, Uncle Leo. Thank you both. It’s been the nicest birthday I can remember.” “Ah, wait until you see what I’ve got planned for next year. Julian, see you in the morning.” Julian waved as Leo left the room, then he stared up at Zachary. He opened his mouth to speak, but Zachary, his green eyes giving absolutely nothing away, put his finger to his lips and pointed to the floor, before picking up Linis and heading out. Julian gave him two seconds’ head start, then followed, Pyon tucked under his arm and being suspiciously quiet. The lower apartment’s door was open. He walked in and Zachary standing in the middle of the living room, hands curled into light fists, his eyes shadowed and unreadable.

“What’s going on?” Julian demanded. “I...don’t know. I...touched you...by accident. Then I...I wanted to touch you again. I'm sorry.” Julian came closer, setting Pyon down. His kem ran over to Linis and then the two of them sat, heads tilted in an identical manner, watching the two humans. But Julian’s attention wasn’t on their kems. “Do you want to touch me again now?” “I...think I do. I don’t know why. I just...it’s like being hungry, but we just had that big meal.” He sounded aggrieved by this and Julian couldn’t help grinning. “I don’t think it’s your stomach that’s hungry.” He was now almost toe to toe with Zachary. He had only to lift his hand and he’d be touching the man. But he didn’t lift his hand, wanting this to be Zachary’s move. “I don’t know what to do, Julian. I don’t know what this feeling is. I don’t know why it is.” “I think you do. It has to be your choice, Zachary.” Zachary stared, unblinking, right into Julian’s eyes. Julian could read nothing of his emotions, except that they were intense enough to make Zachary’s hand shake a little as he lifted it. He held his breath, waiting, wondering—what would he do? Zachary’s hand wavered, uncertain, until it came to rest on Julian’s chest, dropping quickly as if Zachary realised how personal such a gesture was. Julian caught his hand and held it. “It’s okay,” he said quietly. “I don’t mind.” “But it’s not something you want.” “Would I be here if that was true? Zachary, you can read Linis, you can read me.” But Zachary was paralysed, unable to decide what to do, and Julian realised if he didn’t help, Zachary would never make that first step. So he made it for him, stepping further into Zachary’s personal space and putting his arms lightly around the man’s waist. Unmistakeably a hug but loose enough that Zachary could escape without a struggle or loss of dignity. If he wanted to. Did he? For a second or two, it felt like he didn’t, his body rigid and his expression tense. But then Zachary relaxed and lifted his hand again, this time to lightly caress Julian’s cheek with the back of his fingers. “This is okay?” “This is fine. Is it a good feeling? Me holding you?” Julian hoped so because holding Zachary like this was so sweet...so much something that he wanted to keep doing. But only if Zachary wanted it. “Yes. Yes it is, but I don’t know why. It should make me panic. It did before.” Linis trilled suddenly, making them both jump. Julian grinned. “I think he knows why.” “He’s been pushing us together for weeks.” Zachary frowned. “So has Leo. Are we being managed?”

“I think maybe we are.” Julian reached up to cup Zachary’s jaw. “Do you mind?” “No. But I have no idea what to do now.” Julian caressed him a little. “I can’t stay, unless you come upstairs....” “I'm...not.... Perhaps...not now.” “Not yet, no.” He leaned up. Zachary was three inches taller than him, which made this slightly more difficult...but the man realised his intentions and bent down a little. Julian brushed his lips against Zachary’s, a dry, sexless kiss that they could write off as friendly affection—if they wanted to. “Is that...my first?” Zachary’s forehead wrinkled as if he was disappointed. “No.” Julian leaned up again, and this time, did it right, his hand firmly behind Zachary’s sleek head, his lips intent and gently demanding. “This is.” Of course Zachary had no clue what to do, but Julian did, nibbling gently and teasing with lips and tongue, persuading an untutored mouth that this was a good thing, and something to do again. He almost grinned as he felt the firmness against his stomach, evidence through immaculate trousers that, virgin or not, Zachary was starting to work things out. He let the embrace go on, because Zachary felt good against him, against his lips, and Zachary’s arms around his shoulders told him that his companion wanted this. He’d never been this careful before—never needed to be. But this was too important to screw up. When he realised Zachary had become passive, no longer reacting, he loosened his embrace, expecting Zachary to push him away. But he didn’t. He just stared down, eyes confused. “I...that...felt good. But...I don’t want our friendship to change. This could change it.” “It could be good.” “It could be a disaster. You forget I'm a lawyer. I see the results of broken relationships all the time.” But still he kept his arms where they were. “So you think we should stop?” “I...don’t know. You do—why don’t you decide?” “Because there are two people involved. And two kems and one interfering old bastard we both love to bits.” Zachary nodded, and stepped away. Julian couldn’t help the pang that went through him, but perhaps Zachary was right to be sensible.... “Maybe...we should think about it some more.” Linis whined. Julian turned around and wagged his finger. “Oh no you don’t. And not you either, Pyon,” he added as his kem squeaked. “This is too important. Zachary, we can take as long as you want. If you say stop, I won’t be upset, honest. If you say...go slow, I'm fine with that. You’re worth waiting for.”

“I...appeal to you?” “Hell yes. You ‘appealed’ even when I hated your guts.” Zachary looked rather offended at that. “That was a long time ago. Yes, you appeal. Very, very much. But I'm not the only guy around. Are you sure you’re even gay?” Zachary blinked. “Uh, I don’t know. How would I tell? I never felt anything for anyone like this.” “Then maybe it’s just...you know, me being here. Opportunity and all that.” Zachary’s expression fell. “Oh. So this isn’t real? These feelings are...simply convenient?” Julian shrugged, feeling a bit of a prick for tripping up Zachary’s baby steps but wanting the man to be clearheaded enough to realise what was happening. “People fall in and out of love and lust all the time. The feelings are real...they just might not be permanent. And that’s fine. I don’t mind...you trying stuff out with me.” He kept his tone and his expression light. He had to convince himself what he’d just said was true— eventually. “You’re a friend. I can’t treat a friend like that. No. I won’t. Better...not to ‘try stuff’ with anyone than to treat them like a toy.” Julian sighed, stepped up and took Zachary’s hand. “I'm not a toy,” he said quietly. “I'm not a kem either. I can walk away, and I can sure tell you where to shove it—you already know that. You’ll still be my friend—if we can survive all that’s happened, we can survive...this. Whatever ‘this’ ends up being.” He leaned up and placed a kiss on Zachary’s cheek. “I'm going upstairs. We can talk over the weekend. Goodnight.” Zachary touched his cheek where Julian had kissed him, a distant expression in his eyes. “Good night...and thank you. For...a wonderful evening. All of it.” “You’re welcome. Taxi at seven tomorrow night to take us to the train station. I’ll see you then.” Zachary looked as if he wanted more but Julian was firm with him and himself, walking away and calling Pyon after him. He got the distinct impression the kems were disappointed. Too bad. They’d manoeuvred Zachary into position, and now it was up to him to take it from there. “But don’t think I'm not grateful,” he whispered to Pyon in bed that night, rubbing his nose against his kem’s soft tummy. Pyon trilled and curled up on his chest, licking Julian’s chin. Julian couldn’t help wishing it was Zachary’s tongue, and the man’s long body against him. Still...the kiss had been nice. More than nice. And to be repeated, with any luck.

Not saying anything to Leo was hard, if only because Julian knew how delighted the man would be. But he was afraid of Leo pushing the way Linis and Pyon were, out of eagerness, and Zachary was too fragile for that. Somehow he managed to maintain discretion, and the afternoon was taken up packing for the weekend and making sure the attendants they’d booked for Leo were properly briefed. Julian still felt uneasy about leaving Leo, and if anything happened to him while he was off having fun, he’d never forgive himself. Leo dismissed all

his fears and told him that he felt entirely content that Julian and Zachary would be out enjoying the crisp early winter while he was tucked up warm and comfortable at home. Zachary showed up just before seven, all packed and ready. Nothing in his manner or expression betrayed what had passed between them the night before, and he let Leo tease him as he always did. But when the taxi driver called to say he’d arrived downstairs, Zachary went to his uncle and squeezed his shoulder—Leo looked as surprised as Julian felt by the unusual gesture. “Thank you, Uncle Leo. For everything and for this.” “My dear boy. So little, so late.” Zachary glanced at Julian, then smiled at his uncle. “Not too late. We’ll see you Sunday night.” “With photos!” “Yes, with photos. Come on, Julian.” Zachary said not another word to him until they were in their seats on the train and supper had been served. The waiter left them to it, but Zachary didn’t pick up his knife and fork. “Something wrong with the food?” Julian asked. It was nothing amazing, but what did he expect on a train, even in first class? “No. I...uh...haven’t had much of an appetite today.” “Are you sick? Zachary, you should have—” Zachary held up his hand. “Not sick. Just...distracted.” Then he smiled, and Julian was lost in how very handsome he looked when he did that. The man was simply gorgeous. “Anything I can do?” “You’re doing it. You’re here. I'm...glad of that.” “Uh...me too.” Pyon stuck his head up from where he’d been hiding on Julian’s lap, and gave a loud, enthusiastic chirp. Linis, on Zachary’s shoulders, gave a wide yawn and then licked a long stripe up Zachary’s cheek. “I think it’s unanimous,” Julian said, straight-faced, and Zachary grinned. His grins were even more handsome than his smiles—and more precious for being so rare. They ate in silence, but their eyes met more than once, asking questions, seeking reassurances. The words backed into Julian’s teeth but he didn’t want to let them pass. Zachary was hardly rejecting him, but Julian already knew how easy it was to make him retreat into his shell. He didn’t want that. He’d become used to Zachary in his life and now he knew that he definitely didn’t want to lose him. The only question was in what way could he keep him—as a friend, or something...more.

Their plates were cleared and they could relax now for the remaining hour of the trip. As soon as the waiter left, Linis jumped down from Zachary’s shoulder and stalked regally across the tabletop. He stopped in front of Pyon, licked his face, and then the smaller kem climbed up onto the table as well. Linis stepped down onto Julian’s lap—and Pyon went over to Zachary and mewled pathetically as if he hadn’t just had hours and hours of cuddles and attention. “Ingrate,” Julian muttered. Zachary picked Pyon up and looked at him severely. “I do know what you’re up to, you know.” He glanced at Linis. “And you.” Linis chirped quietly, his liquid golden gaze quite serene, before he headbutted Julian’s stomach as if to tell him to get on with the required petting and adoration. What could he do but obey, when Zachary had already put Pyon on his lap and started to stroke him with the exquisite gentleness Julian had noticed from the very beginning. So strange that a man who could be so verbally harsh, was almost always so tender, so careful in his movements around the kems. And people, if truth be told. Even though he despised most of humanity, he didn’t show it in his actions. Julian wondered if it was a matter of genuine dislike, or if it was fear of what he didn’t understand. Maybe both. Linis was trilling, so was Pyon. Zachary had his eyes closed, an expression of contentment on his face. Julian could guess the reason, from the little bursts of pleasure he received from the man’s hands on Pyon’s body. He looked down at the beautiful kem in his lap. Linis looked disgustingly smug. Oh yes, you know exactly what you’re doing, you pair. But it was hard to resent something that made him feel so good—and wasn’t exactly harming Zachary either. It was a curiously intimate, sensual experience, sharing vicarious strokes this way. They didn’t speak, didn’t need to. They both knew what was happening, how it felt—and they both wanted it, which made the difference. A taxi to the hotel, check-in for two adjoining rooms, and up in the old, cramped lift. Zachary stared straight ahead, not saying a word. His expression had lost that lovely contentment, and Julian wondered what was going on inside that handsome, inscrutable skull. Second thoughts? Third, fourth and fifth thoughts? He tried to ready himself for the almost inevitable. Zachary getting cold feet wouldn’t break his heart, he told himself firmly. They’d still be friends and that was all that mattered. At Zachary’s door, Julian smiled brightly. “Bright and early then. See you at seven.” “Yes.” Zachary put the keycard in the door. Julian shouldered his backpack and wondered if the man would even be speaking to him tomorrow. Maybe they should talk now? “You know I could—” “You could stay if you—” Zachary stopped. “Sorry, you could...?” “Stay. Talk. Um...and, you know...talk.” “Like we did on the train? With the kems?”

Julian flushed. “Um...we don’t need the kems, not exactly.” Pyon squeaked and Julian stroked his tail. “No offence, little fella.” “You, ah...?” Julian sighed, grabbed the keycard off his friend, and opened the door. “Just go inside, Zachary.” Otherwise they’d be dithering all night. He dropped his pack and took Zachary’s from his hand, setting it on the floor. “Come here,” he said firmly, holding his arms out and hoping like hell he hadn’t read this wrong. He hadn’t. Zachary had only been waiting for the invitation, and the arms that went around Julian’s shoulders were eager and affectionate, almost desperate. “I...I...had the strangest feeling all day. That I needed to do this. But I didn’t know how to ask you.” Julian pulled him down for a gentle, unassuming kiss. “Next time, just do it, okay? Because I wanted it too. You’ve been stroking my...kem...for over an hour. Man, I really wanted to hold you.” “My...kem...was rather stimulated too.” Julian pressed against him, felt the proof hard against his stomach. “It sure was. I'm sleeping here tonight. Is that all right with you?” “Uh....” The man’s eyes darted nervously towards the bed. “Sleeping, Zachary. Maybe some more of this....” He kissed him again, this time with a little more energy. “And a lot more of this holding stuff, but we’ve got nine hours to get eight hours sleep and I want more than an hour to...um....” “De-virginise me?” Julian blinked in shock. “You....you want that? Now? Here?” “Julian, I might not be experienced but you and Leo have been force-feeding me romantic films for months. I do know what usually comes next...uh...doesn’t it?” He was so damn cute when he was confused. “Usually,” Julian said, grinning up at his companion. “But not necessarily, and not necessarily this weekend. Right now, bed and sleep.” “And...this,” Zachary said, bending and giving Julian a clumsy, sweet kiss that did weird things to the pit of his stomach. “Yes—and that.” Considering Zachary’s many issues, if the man had come out of the bathroom wearing a neck to ankle night shirt, Julian wouldn’t have been surprised, but he emerged wearing nothing but spotless underpants and a bashful expression. Pretty much what Julian was wearing, only a cheaper brand of underpants.

And Julian didn’t have all the scars on that flat stomach. He went to Zachary and placed his palm carefully over the worst of them. “They must have hurt,” he whispered. “Yes, at the time. It’s fine now. My leg and arm ache in the cold but I'm told that’s normal. The ribs...sometimes too.” “Too close.” He bent and kissed the puckered, imperfect surface—shivers rippled under the skin, under his lips. “Don’t do that again.” “I hadn’t planned on doing it the first time. Still, I don’t think that driver will run over another lawyer in a hurry.” “She damn well better not.” The woman had been drunk and unlicensed and was looking at jail time. Zachary’s insurers were handling the civil suit against various parties. Zachary professed a complete lack of interest in the outcome, since he was now well and the woman was no longer a danger to any other pedestrians, but Julian wanted maximum retribution for what had been done to Zachary. “Come to bed.” It was a huge bed, about the only luxurious thing in an otherwise ordinary room, so if Zachary’s fear of physical closeness overwhelmed him, he had plenty of room to escape. But right now, he didn’t seem to want to, and when Julian took him into his arms, he cuddled close as if he’d done it for years. Julian kissed him, still besotted with the feel and shape of those perfect, kissable lips. Zachary was still rather passive, but willing just the same. There’d be time for him to take the upper hand later, if he wanted. An indignant squeak came from the foot of the bed. Pyon sat there next to Linis—one of them was bitching, but Julian didn’t know which. “Uh uh—you arranged it, you don’t get to complain now.” “Linis? Come here.” Julian groaned to himself as Zachary’s kem strolled over and Zachary cuddled him close, nuzzling and petting him. Romance was finished for the evening.... But then Zachary sat up and firmly set Linis down at the end of the bed, giving Pyon a pet as he did so. “You two, go enjoy yourselves over there, and quietly, please. Yes, Pyon, you’re a good fellow. Thank you.” To Julian’s amazement, the two kems leapt off the bed together and onto the armchair where they proceeded to curl around each other and look for all the world like they were kissing. Zachary turned around to face Julian, who was still gaping. “You only have to ask nicely.” “Would it have worked with you?” Zachary smiled. “You’ll never know, will you.” Julian held out his hand and tugged Zachary back to his side. “I do now.” He kissed Zachary again, because kissing was good and they both liked it, while Zachary’s hands roved over his back, hesitantly gentle. “Your skin...so soft.”

“Uh, that’s not usually something you say to a guy, Zachary.” “I don’t care, it’s true. And not as flabby as it was when I met you. Ow.” Julian had tugged his earlobe. “It’s true.” “It’s rude. It’s also stopping me kissing you, so decide if you want to talk about my former flab or be kissed.” Zachary went very still and quiet. “Well?” Julian demanded. “I don’t want to talk. I spend all day doing that. I’ve spent all day...thinking about you kissing me. Please?” Grinning, Julian turned off the light and obliged. Zachary tasted...clean and sweet and his clumsy style just felt so right, though it might have had something to do with the way he ground himself against Julian, almost unconsciously. Julian endured it as long as he could, but finally he pushed away, a little breathless. “Hey. If you keep that up, I'm going to need to change my underwear.” “Oh, sorry.” Zachary sounded out of breath too. “We should stop.” But he was hard, and Julian was horny, and no bloody way could he just go to sleep right now. “I’ve got an idea. Lie on your back and put your hands above your head.” “Why?” “Because then you won’t rip my hair out.” He threw back the covers, and put his hand over Zachary’s erection, trapped behind crisp cotton. “I'm going to take care of you, then I'm going to jerk off and then we’re going to sleep. Okay?” “No.” The light snapped on again, and Julian blinked against the glare. “What’s wrong? It doesn’t hurt.” “I can’t see. And...uh...I could just masturbate. If you let me up....” Julian put his hand firmly on Zachary’s stomach. “Stay,” he growled, but then laughed as one of the kems whined. “Shut up.” “Julian, you don’t need to—” “Look, Zachary, it’s not about need, it’s about me liking to.” “Oh. Can I try it, then?” Zachary giving him a blowjob. Julian nearly came on the spot at the thought. “Uh...better idea.” He put his hands at the waistband of Zachary’s underpants. “Coming off, okay?”

Zachary nodded, though he looked less than enthusiastic. Julian tugged the underwear down, and the trapped cock sprang to attention. Zachary, face flame red, went to cover it with his hands, but Julian pushed them aside. “No, let me look. Wow. I mean...wow.” “You’re making fun of me.” Zachary tried to cover again, but Julian blocked his hands. “No, I'm not.” He pulled the underpants all the way off so he could really appreciate the view. “Hello, gay person here. I like penises. And yours is...wow. Gorgeous.” “Really?” “Really.” Julian couldn’t stop staring. It was thick and long and man, those legs...he couldn’t see Zachary’s arse but he could imagine it.... Zachary was doing his best to hide, lifting his knee and turning, although all it did was show off his legs and set up a peekaboo show that turned Julian on even more. “Julian, this is incredibly embarrassing.” Julian came back to himself and realised he’d been staring for well over a minute. “Oh. Oh, right.” He sat up, stripped off his own underwear and tossed both pairs onto the sidetable. “Now you can look.” He even spread his legs, stroked himself a couple of times to give the man a show. “Well?” Zachary sat up on his elbows, frowning at Julian’s erection in a way he didn’t find all that flattering. “I don’t have anything to compare it with. Sorry.” “Oh right. Uh...okay.” Now he felt like an idiot. He reached for the light switch, realising he’d just moved far too soon, but Zachary forestalled him. “Wait. I didn’t say I didn’t like it.” “No?” “No. I just...don’t know if it’s magnificent. Objectively, I mean. There might be others which are nicer. I don’t know.” “Want me to find you some pictures so you can draw up a scale and a little bar graph?” “If you like.” Julian opened his mouth to yell but then saw the grin. “You’re a prick, Mr Ledbetter.” “No, I have a prick. So do you. Uh...it’s very pretty.” Julian rolled his eyes as he lay down next to his irritating companion. “I need to give you a lesson on the top ten things never to say to a man you want to have sex with, Zachary. ‘You have soft skin’ and ‘your penis is pretty’ are numbers one and two, okay? Followed up by ‘you look like your sister’ and ‘the doctor says it should clear up in no time if I keep using the cream.’” “I’ll make a note. I’ve never met your sisters and I don’t have any diseases, so I think I'm safe.”

“Only if I don’t murder you before morning,” Julian muttered. And this had seemed such a good idea a few minutes ago. “I'm sorry,” Zachary said, putting his arm over him and kissing him on the corner of his pouting mouth. “What was your idea?” “Idea? Oh...um, well, masturbation. Only you do me and I’ll do you.” “Put my hand on it?” Julian couldn't tell if he was revolted or surprised. “Obviously we didn’t show you the right romantic films, did we? Yes, Zachary, you put your hand on my cock, and I put mine on yours and...well, if you tell me you don’t know what to do then, this isn’t going anywhere.” “I...hadn’t really thought about the mechanics. Just the...holding and kissing bit. I should have looked it up,” he said, mouth turned down sorrowfully. Great. I'm in bed with a gorgeous man who thinks gay sex is icky. Sex full stop is icky. Julian did his best to smile. “Hey, it’s not a big deal. We could just go to...oh, oh....” Zachary had wrapped his big hand around Julian’s cock and given it an experimental stroke. After months and months of celibacy, it was almost too damn much. “Oh...don’t...d-don’t stop!” Julian gasped out, arching his back against the too wonderful sensation. Either Zachary was a natural or Julian was just damn desperate, but it hardly seemed any time at all before the firm, capable strokes from that warm, dry-skinned hand had him coming so hard he could do little but grab at Zachary’s arm and hold on as he rode it. He came back to himself as Zachary reached for the complimentary tissues on the side table to wipe his hand. He blinked as Zachary cleaned up, dropped the tissues into the bin and then turned to look at Julian with an anxious expression. “Was that okay?” “You’ve really not done that before?” “Well, not to someone else, no. I didn’t...uh...think people did that. It felt good?” “No, dreadful. You need to practice lots and lots. On me, because I’d hate anyone else to suffer like that.” Zachary looked worried. “Joking, sheesh.” He tugged him down to kiss him and stroke his arm. “It was really, really nice. How did it feel for you?” “Uh...odd? But...right, too. Like...yes, this is how it should be. Is that...what it’s normally like?” “No. Because there’s no ‘normal’, and you’re nothing like any guy I’ve ever slept with. That’s not a bad thing, Zachary. Lie back.” “Why?”

“Because people can say what they like about me but they can’t say I leave anyone hanging. Lie back, and if you pull my hair I'm going to bite you.” “People pull your hair?” “Right out at the root. Hurts like hell.” “Then I won’t do that, but why would I pull your...Julian!” Julian grinned but didn’t stop what he was doing. Zachary’s thick, gorgeous cock was a hell of a mouthful, but worth every single inch. He got his hand between the long, muscled thighs and urged them apart so he could hold Zachary’s heavy, perfect balls. Oh man, he was sweet. He was so into it, tasting and feeling and just having, that the babbles and pleas and groans were just background music, though he did jump when Zachary’s hands landed on his shoulder and clenched into desperate fists. Not my hair, mate. I warned you. But the hair was safe and he could be as greedy as he liked, swallowing every inch and every drop and every surprised cry, knowing he was the very first to have any of this, and that Zachary would always remember this, no matter what came after. He sat up, flushed with pleasure and some pride. He was good at blowjobs, and that one...was one of his better efforts. Zachary looked like he’d been whacked on the head with a hammer, blinking, wide-eyed, and mouth open. “Hey,” Julian said, sliding up alongside him. “You okay?” Zachary threw his arms around him and kissed him artlessly, desperately. “That was so...I had no idea...we'll do that again?” Julian laughed. “Yes, we can. But not tonight.” He stroked Zachary’s smooth cheek. “I can’t believe no one snapped you up before. You’re just...so....” “Pretty?” Zachary said dryly. “Gorgeous.” “My looks are nothing to be proud of.” “Not your looks, dummy. You. In here.” He poked Zachary’s chest, then kissed the spot. “You’re...amazingly likeable.” “No, I'm not.” Julian grinned at the glare. “Yes, you are. And gorgeous. And you have a beautiful, big cock.” Zachary frowned. “No one’s ever complimented me for any of those things before.” Julian kissed him on the frown lines and then on the lips. “Because people are stupid and you’re good at hiding. But now I’ve discovered your secret, Mr Ledbetter. Be prepared to be invaded.”

“I suspect I’ll be a lot more worried about that in the morning.” “Maybe. Goodnight.” He switched the light off, and then nearly jumped out of bed with fright as a large furry mass leapt on him from a great height. The mewling, squeaking bodies turned out to be their kems, of course. He grabbed Pyon and cuddled him, and then found Linis and petted him as well, his hands brushing over Zachary’s. “And good night to you little meddlers too.” Two identical squeaks greeted his words and Zachary laughed. “I think they’re pointing out that one of the meddlers is missing.” “Yes. I plan to have words with him when we get back.” He found Zachary’s face in the darkness and kissed it. “Sleep well.” “Julian...you’re amazingly likeable too.” “And my cock?” “Is also amazingly likeable.” Julian grinned. “Good answer.” Pyon and Linis set up a nest between them, Zachary slinging a loose arm over Julian and the kems. “I could get used to this so easily,” Zachary whispered. “But...then if I lost it....” “You’d survive, and you wouldn’t be alone. Be brave, Zachary. It’s not as hard as it looks from the outside.” “I...can’t do this alone.” A long pause. “I’ve never been in that position before.” “It’s okay to lean on other people. I like being leant on. Trust me, Zachary.” “I’d rather trust Linis. He approves so it must be all right.” Julian grinned into the dark. “Whatever works. ‘Night.”

He woke in a tight little nest of kems and Zachary and the smile lasted all day. They spent most of it in a group with other people, exploring and birdwatching, but there was still time to be alone together, to exchange looks, or brush hands as they passed each other. After lunch, Linis and Pyon preferred a more direct approach, swapping between Zachary and Julian, so Linis rode on Julian’s shoulders, and Pyon in Zachary’s arms. Zachary gave Julian a little smile each time he stroked Pyon’s fur, knowing perfectly well what he was doing. I’ve created a monster, Julian thought, though he wasn’t actually sorry. They barely made it through the admittedly delicious dinner, before returning to the luxurious suite Leo had arranged for them and making good use of the bed. Zachary turned out to be a fast learner when it came to blow jobs, and a lot less fastidious than Julian expected. He didn’t know much about this gay sex thing, but he was more than happy to let Julian teach him. Also eager and sweet and shy which worried Julian because getting this wrong would be awful. He wanted this to be a good thing for Zachary, wherever it went. He was

romantic enough to hope it would last forever, realistic enough to know the odds were that it might not. Whatever happened, he needed them to be friends. That meant patience, humour and kindness. The surprise was in finding that it didn’t all go one way. They held hands on the marine tour, Zachary not giving a damn who saw them, to Julian’s delight. When they arrived back in the city, and walked into the apartment, Leo knew something had changed the second he saw them. He clasped his hands together and grinned. “Oh, my dear, dear boys.” Julian walked over and poked a finger at him. “You knew.” “I hoped.” Zachary raised an eyebrow. “Uncle Leo.” “Yes, nephew? You have a complaint?” “Perhaps not.” And then he delighted Julian by coming to his side and putting his hand on his shoulder. “We had a wonderful time. Thank you.” “Well worth it.” Julian had to smile at Leo’s obvious glee. “Now, supper?” There was a brief and highly embarrassing conversation where Leo debated the pros and cons of whether Julian and Zachary should sleep in Zachary’s apartment or Leo’s. This was before Julian and Zachary had even decided if they would be sleeping together more than occasionally, and before Julian had really thought about whether he wanted Leo to know all about his sex life with his nephew. “Uncle Leo,” Zachary finally said, firmly but not unkindly. “This is private. Julian can do as he wishes. He’s welcome downstairs, I know I'm welcome here. You can’t plan everything in my life.” “I just want you two to feel you don’t need to worry about me.” “Well, we do,” Julian said. “Zachary, we’ll take turns. Tonight, here. Tomorrow, there.” “Making a rather large assumption, aren’t you? I do have to work tomorrow.” Julian flushed, but before he could stammer out an apology, Leo smacked Zachary’s hand. “Don’t tease, you horrible man. You know you want him tonight and tomorrow and the rest of it. If you don’t, you’re insane. Julian’s a catch, and if you don’t appreciate him, I’ll find someone who does.” Julian thought his face would catch fire, he was so embarrassed. “Leo!” Zachary only smiled. “That won’t be necessary, Uncle Leo. I assure you, he’s very much appreciated, and was before this development. As are you,” he said, bowing his head a little. “Though you’re an incorrigible meddler.” “Always, and always will be. Now...dessert?” Later, in his room, with the door firmly closed against curious ears, Julian sat astride Zachary’s narrow hips and pressed his arms back beside his head, trapping him. “Appreciated, huh?”

“Very much. Why else would I put up with you?” “You’re a—” “Prick, yes. That won’t change, I suspect.” Julian bent down and kissed him long and tenderly. “No” he murmured. “It already has.”

“Thank God that’s over,” Julian muttered, yanking his necktie off and stuffing it into his pocket. Pyon immediately fetched it out and managed to wrap it around his head—Julian didn’t care, he hated the damn thing. “You are sooo lucky not to have siblings,” he said to Zachary who’d been watching the photographs with his usual cool superiority. “Where’s Leo?” The marquee was crammed with people, and stuffy and far too hot, even though outside it was freezing cold with fresh snow on the ground. Why the hell had his brother wanted to get married in midwinter? Crazy. Zachary gestured with the hand holding his glass of orange juice over the heads of the many, many relatives and friends it had been apparently necessary to invite to this thing. “Over there, talking to a woman with unfeasibly red hair.” Julian looked where he indicated, and groaned. “Oh, no. Aunt Judy. She probably wants to make him husband number three. Or is four? I can’t keep up.” “Four husbands?” “She wears them out. I need a drink. Pyon, just the one, okay?” Pyon chirped and Julian petted him. His kem had been so well-behaved—everyone had commented on it. “There’s a table over—” “Oh...Julian, isn’t it?” He made himself smile at the short, sharp-featured woman who’d come to his side. “Hello, Mrs Arrowsmith. Zachary? This is Bea’s mother—the bride. Mrs Arrowsmith, Zachary Ledbetter.” Zachary bowed slightly. “Very nice to meet you. This is the loveliest wedding I’ve ever been to.” She blushed. “Why, thank you. We tried to make it nice for everyone—midwinter’s such a difficult time, but Bea and Michael wanted a skiing honeymoon.” “It’s all gone very smoothly. I’ve never seen it done better.” “Oh good...oh, excuse me, I need to....” She rushed off, hands waving at someone doing something not in the script, and Julian turned to his companion. “Exactly how many weddings have you been to before, Mr Ledbetter?” “Just this one. I spoke the exact truth.”

“Huh.” Julian was getting used to the creative use of honesty on that side of the family. Leo was a master of it too. “Julian! You took your tie off—what if they want more photos?” His mother’s hat was crooked, but he didn’t mention it. Her kem was nowhere in sight—probably banished for the duration. “Then they’ll have to put up with me not wearing it again. They’ve taken hundreds of the damn things, Mum—how many can Bea and Michael want?” “It’s not just for them—oh, hello.” She smiled uncertainly at Zachary. “Julian, I don’t think I’ve met....” “Uh, that’s right.” They’d been staying in a hotel, since his parents’ house and his sisters’ were overflowing with guests. Leo and Zachary had stayed well out of harm’s way while Julian had done the brotherly duty thing. “Mum, this is Zachary Ledbetter. Zachary, my mum, Mrs Godwin.” She held out her hand. “Call me Alice, Zachary. Julian’s told me so much about you. He said you work at his old firm?” Zachary shook her hand briefly and let it go. “Yes. He works for my uncle now, as you know. He’s been of great help to us both.” “Yes, he said you’ve become good friends.” Zachary smiled at her. “Indeed. He’s my lover.” She froze, her hand still on its way back to her side. Julian gaped while Zachary continued to smile politely at his mother. “L-lover?” “Yes, for some time now. We're very happy together.” Her mouth opened, shut, opened again, but no sound came out. Julian wanted to run away and then murder Zachary—or possibly the other way around. “Well, well, here’s a treat indeed—the mother of one of my favourite young men.” Leo smiled brightly at them all and held his hand out to Julian’s mother. “Mrs Godwin, how delightful to meet you in person—Leo Underwood. Julian’s told me so much about you, although he failed to mention how very attractive you are.” She scraped a slight smile onto her rigid lips as Leo inserted himself neatly into their group. “Oh...thank you...er....” “And I see you’ve finally met Zachary. Don’t they make a charming couple? Julian’s such a lovely young man— Zachary’s so lucky to have found him. Do you know Maggie Tadstone? Of the Greenwich Tadstones? She was telling me her son’s had an awful time with his lover—the wretched man ran off with someone else, and her son’s devastated. She said she was so very jealous of me with Zachary. Julian’s such a reliable, steady person. A perfect credit to you, indeed.” “M-Maggie Tadstone? The actress? The one who married Lord Uffield?”

“That’s the one. I went to their wedding—delightful, delightful occasion. Quite a lovely lady—no airs and graces, even with all the awards. The son’s the television presenter, poor fellow. Charming man, so very kind.” He took her arm. “Tell me, Julian says that you collect antique silver figurines. I wanted to know what you thought of something I saw the other day in Springwood—excuse me, Julian, Zachary....” Leo led her away, talking a mile a minute, Julian’s mother still smiling fixedly, dazed by the sheer blizzard of words. Julian saw him hand her a large glass of champagne. Maybe if he got her tiddly, she’d forget...no, that wasn’t very likely, was it. He was so screwed. “By the time Uncle Leo’s finished with her, he’ll have her convinced that a gay son is a status symbol,” Zachary remarked calmly, taking a sip of his drink. Julian turned and gave the man his fiercest glare. “By the time I’ve finished with you, you’re going to need medical attention. What the hell do you mean by outing me to my mum?” “She’ll find out eventually, unless you were planning to lie to her forever. Besides...perhaps I want her to organise our wedding.” Julian had to grab a chair and sit down. “Zachary! D-did you just propose?” “Hmmm—yes, I think so. Were you expecting a bended knee and a ring? I thought that was considered oldfashioned now.” “You just proposed.” “That’s right. I take it that you’re not averse?” Julian opened his mouth to yell something about it not being very romantic and how about a little warning, hmmm? But then he looked up at Zachary’s slight, evil smile, and knew that his lover had planned this exactly so—and Leo had been a willing conspirator. “I hate you.” “Yes, I know. Pyon, what do you think?” Pyon chirped, licked Julian’s face, then jumped over to Zachary for a cuddle. He ran up Zachary’s arm and sat precariously on his shoulder next to Linis, who gazed at them all with a vague air of kemmish superiority. “He approves,” Zachary announced. “My father’s going to faint.” “I doubt it. Uncle Leo will convince your mother, and he assures me that if the mother approves, the husband will go along. I don’t know about such matters, but he does.” He tilted his head. “Didn’t you want to tell them?” “Yes! Just not at my brother’s wedding!” “Leo said it’s the perfect place for a proposal. Did I do it wrong?”

Julian sighed. Pyon and Linis stared at him with big innocent eyes as he stood up and took Zachary’s hand. He leaned in for a kiss, not caring who could see them, not after everything else. “No, you did it perfectly, and I accept. I expect a wedding ring, though. And a honeymoon.” “Of course. Uncle Leo told me these things are necessary. I want to do everything correctly, Julian.” He looked so worried. Julian grinned and kissed him again. “You did, you do. Well, come on—if you’re going to be part of my family, then I better start introducing you as my fiancé. I warn you though, you might regret it later.” “No,” Zachary said firmly, “I won’t. I'll be brave.” “Good for you.” Julian took his hand, took a deep breath, and plunged into the crowd of relatives. Zachary had no idea what he was getting into—but that was okay. Julian did, and he was good at this stuff. Zachary could be good at lots of other things instead. They made a great team—Zachary, him, Leo and their meddling kems. His family wouldn’t know what hit them.

The End